Hacienda Series

Bawat kirot ay may katumbas na paghihiganti. Yes, every pain demands a payback. That's the first thing I learned when I loved him. Not consciously, not right away-but slowly, in pieces. He taught me how to love. His love was wildfire-reckless, consuming, beautiful in the way it ruined everything. I thought I was lucky to have it. I thought he saw something in me. Maybe he did. Maybe he saw the parts that were already breaking. He taught me how to bend the rules, how to silence the voice in my head that said "this isn't right." With him, right and wrong blurred until they didn't matter. Until all that mattered was staying close enough not to lose him, but distant enough not to drown. And then came pain. He taught me pain in a thousand unspoken ways. In words that stung more than silence. In apologies that came too late. In touches that lingered with regret. And pain... And pain. Again and again No fairy tale. No forever. It was never about soulmates. It was just... a story. A complicated, messy, painful story. But still, I gambled. I bet my heart on something that didn't deserve it. And in the end, that so-called love? It destroyed me. It didn't just break me-it broke everything I cared about. Everyone I loved. It burned through every soft thing I had left inside me. Because that love... Was disastrous. Behind the illusion of love hid everything I was afraid of: pain, betrayal, lies, manipulation. A heartbreak wrapped in promises. A knife dressed like a kiss. But here's what no one tells you: after heartbreak comes something sharper. Stronger. Revenge. And revenge-it's not sweet. It's not cold. It's best served hot. The kind of heat that doesn't ask for closure. It takes it. I, who was a he, now turned into a she. I will serve pain out of pain. Not to mirror the cruelty, but to remind the world: You don't get to hurt someone like me and walk away unburned.

He was my greatest chase. He keeps me in a pace where I found myself so lost in the momentum, in a strange velocity. Why can't I see the finish line? It is a race I cannot win but still I chose to follow his footprints. Kung ang buhay ay isang karera siguro'y tatanda akong nakikipaghabulan. I like him a lot... no, maybe I love him and it's not a secret. I know all of his favorites. His perfume, his branded shoes, his voice, the way he walks, his exes, his flings. I memorize it all, though I am least on his list of favorites. He hates me, he hate my guts and the idea of me liking him. He knew I existed but he chose to ignore. I put him first but I am his last. He glares at me but I smiled. Patuloy niya akong tinatalikuran, binabalewala but still bakit gusto ko parin siya? Pero ang puso pala pag napagod, humihinto. At nang huminto naglakad ako pabalik... but why am I seeing him behind me? This is my race, my contest. I am riding my own rhythm, my own tempo. Faster... Because I am chasing after a De Buenavista.

May mga bagay sa mundo na di mo maintindihan. Just like how I met him. It was an unexpected encounter and I'm starting to like him unexpectedly. But loving him has consequences, there are risks. Sweet he is but it is not a guarantee and I am hoping for that smallest possibility... that maybe someday there will be us. Us? Will there be an "Us"? This is a story about me and the guy named Paul- and how he turned out to be my greatest fall. I never beg for his love... Yet I fall on to knee.