Chapter 1: The Pickpocket.

Chapter 1

I pulled up the collar of my jacket, and tucked my chin closer to my chest as I walked. It was a bitch of a night; cold and wet after the sheets of rain we’d gotten only minutes before. Around me, couples and families poured out of the restaurants that lined the boulevard in droves, hoping to make it home before we were hit by another shower. 

I navigated through the crowd and crossed the street, heading for my car. So much for a refreshing night out on the town.

Just a little past 7:15 and I was already forced to run back to the quiet apartment that offered nothing in the way of comfort, when all I wanted to do was kick some ass with my buddies down by the bureau.

I stepped into a puddle, managing to drench my jeans, then cursed when I almost slipped on the slick asphalt. High above, I could hear the rolling of the thunder which promised one hell of a night.  When I spotted my car at the end of the lot, I pulled out the keys and quickened my pace, looking forward to the warmth from the heater.

In the cold, the uncomfortable twinge in my shoulder felt more pronounced, and I could already imagine the night ahead; a warm beer, aching shoulder and whatever crap I could find to watch on the TV. I shook my head. A month ago I was chasing criminals through the streets, now one stray bullet had me relegated to house cleaning and an early bedtime.

Cars drove past on their way out of the lot, and not far behind me I could still hear people’s voices, sounding excited in the shitty weather. A gust of wind ruffled my hair just as something slammed into me from behind, sending blinding pain erupting through my shoulder.

 I stumbled, and the voice of the offender sounded beside me, apologizing as he held my arm to steady me. I shouldn’t have felt it when the hand slipped into my pocket, not between the pain and general ‘excitement’ of the situation, but the thief’s hand trembled as he went in for the steal, and I spun, latching onto his arm before he could make his escape.

He exclaimed in surprise, fighting desperately against my grip and for a second I caught the glimpse of wide, frightened eyes, before I twisted his arm behind his back and shoved him to the ground. He cried out when his chest made impact, but I held him still before kneeling to look at him.

“Stealing from an FBI agent, kid? Not your best move.” I said.

On the ground, the boy trembled beneath me, and I realized for the first time, that he only wore a thin shirt. It was streaked with dirt, much like the rest of him.

“I’m gonna pull you up now, you make one stupid move and you won’t like what happens next, got it?”

The kid nodded as best he could with his face pressed against the asphalt, and after only a brief pause, I pulled him to his feet, holding his arm securely in a grip he couldn’t hope to break.

I spun him to face me, and I was greeted by a dirty, gaunt face slightly masked by long, curling black hair.

“What are you doing out here kid?  Where are your parents?”

He glared up at me, his eyes glinting. “I look like a kid to you? And I aint got none.”

I continued to stare at him, my eyes travelling from his head to his feet, taking in the shirt with a few missing buttons, the filthy ripped jeans and ratty sneakers. A street kid.

Just what I needed tonight, some starving kid, stealing from people.

“How old are you?”

“What’s it to you?”

“Alright, you don’t wanna talk to me, let’s see how you do in jail.”

“Nineteen.” He said quickly enough, those eyes still narrowed and glaring.

“I’m not in the mood to deal with this.” I pulled him along with me as I made my way to my car. “Come on, a night in lock up will do you some good.” I told him.

At least he’d get some food for the night, then they could release him back into the wild with a warning. He started to struggle then, twisting and turning as he tried to break my grip, and I latched onto him with both hands. He kicked my shin and I grunted, spinning him, and pulling his fighting hands behind his back, still he continued to fight, crying out when he fell to his knees.

“You just assaulted a federal agent. You don’t get a free pass for that.” I pulled him roughly along with me. A set of cuffs lay on the back seat of my car, once I had him secured in them, I could drop him off at the station and wipe my hands clean of the trouble maker for good.

My head ached, my shoulder ached, my shin ached, and I was freezing my ass off, all for a kid who didn’t know any better. He struggled as I pulled him, letting out a string of profanities with each step.

“Curse all you want, I’ve heard plenty worse.” I told him and he fought harder.

“Wait!” he shouted, but I ignored him.

“Wait!” he pleaded again, and finally he stopped fighting and I could hear him panting as I dragged. A few more steps and I’d reach the car.

“Please, my son!” he practically wailed and I shook my head.

“You’re not getting off that easy kid.”

“No, please, he’s my kid, I can’t leave him, he’s all alone! Please!” he pleaded, and when I glanced around to tell him to quiet down, the look on his face threw a moment’s doubt into my mind and I paused.

“This isn’t the time to be lying to me, you’re already in enough trouble.”

He trembled from the cold, shaking his head as he panted. “No, he’s my son. Please.” He said again and my eyes narrowed.

He had to be lying. A kid with a child, living in these streets?

I shook my head and took another step. “Please.” He begged, and with the seed of doubt planted, I gritted my teeth and stopped.

It was freezing cold, and wet. The thought of a child out in this would be enough to get anyone worried.

“Alright, where is he?” I asked the boy and he looked up at me, his relief obvious.

“At our place, three blocks down. He’s all alone, he needs me.” he continued and I cursed.

“If you’re lying to me right now-”

“I aint!”

“Alright, we’re going to my car. I’m gonna cuff you, and you’ll give me directions. If you’re lying, you’ll be on a one way trip to the station. Got that?”

He nodded. “I aint, just lemme go to him, I won’t pick pockets no more, I swear!”

I shook my head. “You give me directions, or I take you straight down to the station. Your choice.”  I told him seriously and finally he nodded, slumping his shoulders in defeat.

“Directions.” He said softly and I nodded.

When I got to my car, I held his arm with one hand, and warned him not to move as I opened the door and pulled out the cuffs. In no time at all, I slapped them onto his wrists and shoved him into the back, where to my surprise, he went without a fight.

I turned up the heat as soon as I got into the vehicle, and a moment later we were off. In the back seat, the kid mumbled the directions but otherwise sat silently without a fuss.

Turned out, it was four blocks away from the parking lot, and with a few turns into a rundown neighborhood, we were there.  From the outside, the place looked abandoned and ready to collapse with the wind. The windows were either broken or gone and from what little light the moon provided, I could just make out the stripping paint and broken wooded stairs, leading up to a front door that I was sure had seen better days.

“You’re saying your son is in there?” I questioned uncertainly, and the boy nodded, his head pressed against the window as he peered out at the house.

I hopped out of the car, pulling my weapon from under the seat and securing it at my waist. When I pulled his door open, I took his arm and helped him from the back, and together we walked towards the house, my hand on his arm and his hands behind his back.

The broken stairs were tricky, but we got up them without much cause for concern, and I pushed the front door open easily enough.

There was nothing there but dirt, stains and shards of wood. He led me through what used to be a family room, and into another space, where my breath caught in my throat. There, sleeping on a filthy mattress laid out on the ground, was a little boy.  On the floor across from him was a flashlight, placed on its back and pointing to the ceiling. It alone, offered illumination in the small room.

The child slept on as we stepped further into the room. He was curled around a ratty looking stuffed rabbit with a torn floppy ear, and the blanket drawn up over his shoulders was as old as the mattress he slept on. I looked at the street kid, then back at the sleeping child, who couldn’t be more than two years old.

“He’s your son?” I asked in awe and he nodded.

“Take these off…please?” he turned his back to me and raised his cuffed wrists slightly, and after only a moment’s pause, I complied.

He went immediately to the sleeping child and knelt there, running an unsteady hand through his son’s curly hair. When he looked up at me, it was with large, pleading eyes.

“Please, I swear I’m done picking pockets, just leave me with him, he needs me.”

My eyes travelled between the two.

“What’s your name?”

“Jason.” said uncertainly.

 I nodded my head to the child. “And your son?”

“Timmy…. He’s Timmy.”

He ran his hand possessively through the boy’s hair, his eyes still fixed on me and pleading, but there was no way I could do as he asked. Leaving a young child in a place that could crumble at any minute, with a kid who had to steal to keep them fed, and in weather they didn’t even have the proper clothes for.

I ran a hand through my hair, then shook my head.

“You can’t stay here, I’m sorry.” I told him, and he  pulled the boy into his arms, wrapping his arms around the sleeping child as if to say he could never let him go.

I looked around the room again, then back at him.

“Alright, how about….I take you to my place for the night. You can shower up, I’ll make you both something to eat, and you can sleep somewhere warm. Then in the morning we’ll figure something out. Sounds good?” I asked, but he shook his head.

“We can stay here, just let us stay. I swear I aint gonna steal no more.”

“I’m sorry Jason but I can’t do that. Either you take my offer for the night, or I take you down to lock up and your son to social services. Staying out here in this place, and in weather is not an option.” I said adamantly, and as the seconds ticked by Jason finally nodded.

I watched as he picked Timmy up effortlessly with the stuffed rabbit and blanket, and walked past me. I followed closely behind them, a hand on Jason’s arm as he maneuvered his way down the stairs. When we reached the car, I opened the door for him, and watched as he stepped in carefully with his precious load.

 When they were settled in the back, I started the car, cranked the heat higher, and we were off. All the while little Timmy slept soundly in his father’s arms.

                                                               AUTHOR’S NOTES

THE IDEA FOR THIS STORY CAME TO ME LAST NIGHT AS I WAS ABOUT TO GO TO SLEEP AND I COULDN’T REST UNTIL I WROTE THE FIRST CHAPTER. I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE IT.

THANKS FOR READING AND I’LL SEE YOU WHEN I UPDATE!

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Chapter 2: A Home for a night.

Chapter 2

I turned the key in the lock and pulled open the door, stepping aside to allow Jason to pass before I entered and closed it behind us. The first thing I did was to flip on the light switch, then I watched him as he looked around, his eyes wide as he took it all in.

I glanced around the spacious room, trying to see it from his eyes; the lived-in leather couches, cream carpeting, and scratched up coffee table that was home to a stack of used magazines and an empty beer can, the large flat screen TV mounted on the olive colored wall, and the remote control lying on the floor by the couch.

The walls at least were clean after having repainted it a week ago, and the smashed mirror that had once stood in the corner of the family room was lying in pieces outside in the garbage can. My time here had made me productive, and as a result I spent more time cleaning the place than I did anything else, but even I couldn’t transform it into perfection.

The child-Timmy, turned in his father’s arms, looking around the room as we did. He had woken up when we were only a block away from the house, and had simply sat on his father’s lap, sucking his middle and index fingers without a sound. Now his small face mirrored his father’s expression as he looked around with fingers still trapped securely in his mouth.

 I couldn’t tell if he was so quiet because that’s how children were at that age, or if it was because he found himself in a strange place, but his little round face was too adorable not to have me melting as I stood there. I’d always had a soft spot for children, there was just something about their innocence, and general cluelessness that made me want to drop everything and try make them smile.

Timmy didn’t glance my way though and I didn’t attempt to get his attention.

“Come on, I’ll show you where you’ll be sleeping.” I said, and led him out of the room and through the kitchen, where I deposited the food I’d picked up at the drive-thru on the way over. Then I led them down the hall and up the stairs. Jason followed me without a sound, his wet shoes making squishing sounds against the tiles.

 I stopped briefly in the hallway when we passed the upstairs bathroom, and pulled out two large towels and washcloths from the in-wall cabinet, then I led them to the room that would be theirs for the night. When I pushed the door open, flipped the switch and stepped in, he finally set Timmy down, but I noted that he held his small hand firmly in his. The little boy stared up at me with his large brown eyes – his favorite fingers still nestled safe and warm in his mouth.

I smiled at him and he twisted away from me, hiding his tiny body behind his father.

“There’s a bathroom through there.” I told Jason when I pried my eyes away from the little thing and pointed to the door to the far corner of the room. “You guys can wash up while I go share your food.”

Jason looked around uncertainly, then bit his lip before meeting my eyes. “I forgot our clothes at the house.” He said regretfully, and I looked him up and down, taking in the filthy outfit he walked around in. I couldn’t imagine how the rest of his clothes looked, and suddenly I pitied him and his child. People should never be forced to live like this.

“That’s alright, I’m sure I can find you something to wear. Give me a sec.” I assured him, handing him the towels and washcloths before I exited the room.

I walked the short distance to my bedroom and toed off my wet shoes, before I padded over to the closet. I had nothing that would fit either of them, so I just pulled out two T-shirts and a pair of shorts with elastic in the waist, then dipped into the far corner of a drawer and pulled out two brand-new toothbrushes.

“They won’t fit but, it’s the best I can do for now.” I told him when I reentered the room. By now Timmy was standing naked in the center of the space, his dirty clothes laying in a pile by the bed.

Jason took the clothes from me with a forced smile and said his thanks.

“Just leave your clothes by the door, I’ll throw them in the machine for you so you’ll have something clean to wear in the morning.” I told him. “Then when you’re done come downstairs for dinner.”

He nodded and I glanced briefly at Timmy again, who took hold of Jason’s hand when he held it out and they walked into the bathroom, leaving me standing there with nothing more to say.

I shook my head and scooped Timmy’s clothes from the ground, and when I heard the squeaking of the pipes I left the room.

Once downstairs I sorted through the bags, pulling out the burgers and fries I’d ordered and set them on the table, then I pulled the lone box of Mac and Cheese from the cupboard, set the water the boil, and threw it in.

Seven minutes later and it was ready, so I scooped it all into a dish and set it on the table with a spoon before stepping back to survey my work. It had been awhile since I’d had any company over, and longer since I’d prepared a meal in this house for anyone but myself. It felt strange, yet satisfying and I grinned, glad that at least for tonight, I’d be providing a home for two people who needed one desperately.

At the very last minute I pulled out a carton of milk from the fridge, and poured the contents into a glass, then switched to a cup when I considered the fact that a two year old might need something a bit more durable. I looked up when I heard the small feet coming slowly down the stairs and a second later my guests entered the kitchen.

They looked like different people after their bath, clean and fresh with their lengthy curls damp and falling at their shoulders. No one could mistake their relation to each other. My shirt was massive on little Timmy, swallowing him up almost completely as it came to stop just above his ankles, and  while Jason looked more put together, the clothes hung unattractively on his small frame.

They were too small, some food would do them both some good. I decided, showing them their place at the table.

“Omee?” Timmy spoke for the first time, and I glanced up from my own place at the table and stared at him in amusement. He was pointing to the bowl of Mac and Cheese, his little face turned up to Jason as he asked him something using a word I couldn’t hope to understand.

“No not oatmeal, it’s Mac and Cheese see?” Jason explained to him, filling half the spoon with the gooey stuff and holding it up to his mouth. Timmy’s brows furrowed. “Maancheese?” He asked, then finally took a bite of the offered treat.

“Yeah, like it?” Jason asked him but rather than answer, he pulled the spoon clumsily from his father’s hand and, holding it close to the belly, he scooped up as much Mac and Cheese as he could.

It wasn’t until he was happily chewing on a mouthful that Jason picked up his burger and took a large bite, and finally I did the same.

“You wanna tell me why you were out picking pockets tonight?” I asked when he was halfway through his meal, and he glanced at me, mouth full and eyes wide.

“Not pockets .” He said. “Just yours. You didn’t look like you’d put up a fight.” He continued, and I shook my head.

“You think it’s right to steal people’s hard earned cash Jason?” I questioned seriously. He shrugged.

“When I ask them, they ignore me. Sometimes you gotta do, what you gotta do.” He explained, glancing briefly at Timmy who was too busy making a mess of his meal to notice the attention he was getting.

“You’re lucky it was me you chose tonight, another night and you might not have been so lucky.” I told him, and when he shrugged again I fixed him with a cold stare. “It’s dangerous out there Jason, if you keep doing this, I can guarantee that you’ll get hurt and when that happens who’s going to take care of Timmy?”

“I’ll be more careful next time.” He said under his breath, before taking the last bit of his burger. He started on the fries before he swallowed the bite.

“There won’t be a next time. I took you off the streets tonight for a reason, and before you leave here you’ll understand why it is that you can’t carry on the way you have.” I told him.

“It aint like I do it all the time. I got a job, I work hard like everybody else.” He said defensively, and when little Timmy looked quickly between us, I held back my retort.

“Eat up, we’ll finish this conversation in the morning.” I said, picking up a lone fry from my plate and plopping it into my mouth. Timmy looked at me-messy mouth and all- and stretched out a mac and cheese covered hand.

“Pease?” he said, and after glancing briefly at Jason and getting no opposition, I handed the kid a fry which he pulled toward his face and stared at for a moment before taking a bite.

While he chewed he offered me a dimpled smile and I couldn’t help but return it.

……………………………………………

It wasn’t long before the dishes were cleared and my two tired guests finally retired to the bedroom. While I settled into the chair downstairs with the glare of the muted television providing the only illumination in the dark space, I thought back to the events of the day.

Waking up this morning, I never would have guessed I’d be ending the night with strangers in my home, and as much as I wanted some action I never really expected it to be quite like this. It had been clear since the moment I met him that Jason was going to be a handful. He was a man who had been clearly dealt a shitty hand in life, and he was retaliating the only way he knew how.

I couldn’t imagine how hard it must have been to raise a baby with nothing. Everyday must have been a struggle, stealing to put food on the table, while trying to ensure the child you left in the rundown place you called a home was still there, sleeping safe and sound when you got back.

I’d learned quite a bit about him after only this brief encounter; He was determined, with the potential to be hotheaded, he was brave yet very afraid; of the life he lived or the fact that I had plucked him from it? I wasn’t sure, and finally I knew that he loved Timmy; the evidence was right there in his eyes for all the world to bear witness. It was this very reason why telling him that Timmy would need to be placed in a foster home wasn’t going to be easy.

I thought about anything I could do to make the news come any easier to him, but in the end I decided that all I could do was be straight with him, pluck apart his life and show him just why his son couldn’t be in it.

I ran a hand threw my hair and closed my eyes. It wasn’t a conversation I was looking forward to. I thought about Timmy; his innocence while he slept in the place they called home, unaware of all the dangers around him, then I thought of the little dimples that were made for his cheeks; as if he needed to be any more adorable and finally, I thought about those large brown eyes that looked up at his father with only trust and adoration.

How did you tear two people like that away from each other? How did you rip apart a relationship so precious, when the only crime his father had committed was trying to put food on the table?

These thoughts and more plagued me as I sat there. The way the world was set up meant that even the innocent would suffer. I saw it every day in my line of work, on the news, and even walking down the street. It was life; some people got out of it happy, others fought for the simple satisfaction of being alive, while others, no matter how good or bad, fought and failed, because who said life was fair?

I pushed up from my seat and passed through the kitchen, down the hall and made my way up the stairs. When I got to their door, I paused, then pushed it open slightly and peered in. I was surprised to see them still awake, lying in bed, wrapped up in their warm blankets.

“…now I know my ABC’s next time won’t you sing with me.” Jason sang the words softly and Timmy repeated them, his lisp muddling the sound of the letters he clearly knew well.

For a while I could only stand there watching them, listening to their voices as they went over the same song, again and again, until Timmy grew too tired to follow, and still Jason kept on singing until his little boy’s eyes drifted shut, and his soft breathing was the only thing that could be heard in the silence. When he pulled the blanket up to Timmy’s chin and wrapped his arm securely around the child’s waist, I took a step back, pulling the door shut as I stepped into the hallway.

Yes , I decided, breaking the news tomorrow was going to be harder than I thought.

I did the usual rounds then, cleaning my teeth, bolting the doors that led outside, washing up the dishes and turning out the lights, but I paused at the foot of the stairs, instinct telling me I should pass out on the couch tonight, so I did.

I plucked a cushion from the floor and tucked in under my head as I prepared for an uncomfortable night, and once again, my gut didn’t fail me, when just before dawn I caught Jason trying to sneak out of the house with a sleeping Timmy wrapped up in his arms.

                                                AUTHOR’S NOTES

DON’T WORRY GUYS, I’M WORKING ON LONGER CHAPTERS.

HOPE YOU ENJOYED THAT AND I’LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK FOR ANOTHER CHAPTER.

THANKS FOR READING AND KEEP SWEET!

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Chapter 3:Timmy an Bunny haf icee cuswader hot.

Chapter 3

“Things are never that easy.”

At the sound of my voice, Jason spun around to face me and I took in his surprised expression: the wide eyes, the slightly parted lips…it was all there and I shook my head in disappointment, but not surprise.

“I was just…” he began and I imagined he was trying to think up a lie.

 I didn’t move from my perch on the chair, I allowed him his space as he stood there and he moved no closer nor further away from the front door.

“It’s pouring outside Jason. You really think it’s wise to take him out in this weather?” I questioned rather than accused, and he shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot.

“I’ll keep him wrapped up,” he said, looking down at the blankets he had draped around his son.

I shook my head. “You’ve survived on the streets all this time and you’ve managed to take care of a kid while doing it, which means you’re a smart guy, so start thinking like one.” I told him. “You can’t take a child out in this weather and a bundle of blankets definitely won’t do the job.”

His face hardened and he clutched Timmy closer to him. “Yeah that’s right. I am smart, which is how I know that you’re not doing this just cause you’re a nice guy…you want to take him away from me.” he accused, his voice low and angry. “Well I’m tellin you now that he’s mine and aint nobody taking him away from me, got that? Nobody.”

His voice was dangerously low as he said it and I stood then, watching as he took a step back, his expression now one of uncertainty.

“That place you call home is a death trap, it could come down at any minute and you have him sleeping there every night while you go off and pick pockets.”

He shook his head. “I don’t pick ‘em every night.”

“That’s beside the point. He can’t stay there…neither can you, it’s not safe and it would be wrong of me to allow you to go back there.” I told him. “He’s a baby Jason, he needs a proper home.”

“I’m working on it. We aint livin’ there forever…just till I sort myself out.”

I came to stand before them. “You’re working on it huh? And how are you doing that?”

“I’m saving for a real place…I got some of the money, I can get more.”

“So this is how you want him to grow up? You gonna teach him how to steal people’s money to survive, you gonna watch him go to bed hungry some nights when you can’t score? You’ve lived that life, is this really what you want for him?”

His mouth tightened. “I never let him go to bed hungry—”

“Yet.”

“No. I take care of him and he won’t hafto live like me, cause I said I’m saving for us. We’re gonna have a real place with running water and a fridge…real soon.”

“Yeah? And how are you going to do that?”

“I got a job last week…I’m a working man now.” He said it with confidence and a hint of pride.

I was surprised. “You have a job?”

He nodded.

“Doing what?”

“A ranch not far from where I live. They make me muck out the stalls and stuff.”

“And what happens to Timmy when you’re working?”

“I take him with me. They don’t care as long as I’m doing my job and he likes the animals…plus we get lunch for free.” He continued as if it was the greatest success one could achieve.

I thought about it. A two year old running around a ranch in the hot sun, watching his father work when he should be playing with toys and watching TV. A place like that was no place for a child on a daily basis. It wasn’t as safe as he seemed to think it was. No matter how careful he thought he was being.

I stepped back and gestured to the other room. “Take him upstairs, let him sleep, and come back down here when you’re done. We need to talk.”

He looked between me and the door, then sighed in defeat and I watched him leave the room with Timmy in tow. I ran a hand through my hair and rubbed my aching shoulder. There was never an easy way to have a conversation like this. I could only liken it to those times I’d had to break the news to someone that a love one had died. I imagined Jason would take it just as badly. With a sigh, I lowered myself onto the couch and continued to rub my shoulder.

It was ten minutes before Jason reentered the room and when he did, it was with his mouth set in a hard line and his eyes narrowed. I gestured to the seat across from me and he took it without a word. I admired the fact that he met my eyes and refused to look away.

For a moment I watched him, the porch light streaming through the curtains provided the only illumination in the room but it was adequate.

“I’m not trying to steal Timmy away from you.” I began. “I’m only thinking of his well-being and from what I’ve seen, I have good reason to be concerned.”

“He’s fine, I take good care of him, always have.” He interrupted and I nodded slowly.

“I have no doubt you do your best, anybody can see that you love him, but the question isn’t whether you try to take care of him, it’s whether you can and so far I don’t see any evidence of that.”

He said nothing as he continued to hold my gaze, so I continued.

“Children need stability, they need to be kept in a safe environment and they need to feel secure. Last night you left a two year old in some run-down house by himself so you could go off and earn a living. What would have happened if he’d woken up? What if he’d gone outside, or cut himself on one of those rusty nails sticking out of the wall? What could you have done from so far away?”

“He’s two and a half and I don’t leave him alone all the time,” he muttered and I shook my head.

He wasn’t getting it. “You honestly think that he was safe last night? You think leaving him was smart?” I asked and he gritted his teeth.

“Now that I got a job, it won’t happen again. It’s only ‘cause I won’t get paid till Friday why I went. After that I won’t have to leave him again.”

“And how long before you get a place of your own? What about school when he gets older? What if he gets sick, how will you pay the bills? Have you thought about any of that?”

“I can get two jobs…” he trailed off and his wistful expression tore at me.

“What happens to Timmy when you get your two jobs? Who’ll take care of him?”

This time he didn’t answer and I could tell that I’d backed him into a corner.

“I don’t want to take your son away from you Jason. I honestly believe family should stick together, but do you really think this is the best life for him? Do you really want him to grow up struggling? Because if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll admit that that’s what you’re setting him up for.”

He broke eye contact and looked away, his hands fisted in his lap as his gaze landed on the bare wall. “He’s mine…he’s all I got. I can make this work.” He said softly and I honestly didn’t know what to say to him.

Later today I should be calling social services. Today Jason should be going home without his son, but the words I needed wouldn’t pass through my lips and instead I said;

“I want to take you two to a doctor for a checkup later, just to make sure everything’s okay.”

He looked at me with furrowed brows. “It’s like you said, I don’t got that kinda money.”

I shrugged. “Don’t worry about it,” I told him. When he only shook his head and looked away again, I spoke up.

“You said you always take good care of him…this is the first step you need to take to prove that me, and to yourself.”

He took a while, but finally he nodded. “So we see a doctor and then what?”

“Then we’ll see what happens, let’s just take it one step at a time alright?”

He nodded and when we both simply sat there in silence, I cleared my throat and gestured to the other room. “You should get some rest.” I told him and he pushed up from his seat, but before he could exit the room he turned back to look at me.

“Just tell me now if you’re gonna take him…I don’t wanna play no games.”

I shook my head. “Get some rest.” I responded before moving to stretch out on the couch. It took him a while, but when he finally left, I gritted my teeth.

This would not end well.

………………………………………….

Breakfast was a quiet affair. Across from me, my house guests sat wrapped up in their own worlds. Timmy pounded the already scrambled eggs in his plate and generally made a mess of his food and Jason sat squeezing a stick of bacon between his thumb and forefinger. He looked deep in thought, but his expression was distracting.

“It’s bacon,” I explained and he glanced up at me with a frown.

“I know what it is, I just never ate it before,” he said defensively, eyes narrowed, mouth set and looking like he was ready for a fight.

“It’s good, just try it,” I said rather than rise to the bait and he ignored me, turning the strip this way and that.

I scooped up another forkful of scrambled eggs and bit into it, my eyes never straying too far from his face. He looked different in the natural lighting…older. I could now see what I hadn’t paid close attention to the night before, like his eyes, which were actually hazel, the light dusting of facial hair and his hands; which gave testament to his hard work.

They were scratched and scared, but they were capable; the hands of a man, rather than that of a child and while he was small in stature, he was clearly well developed in all the places that counted.

“I don’t even know your name,” he said and I looked at him in surprise.

I thought I’d told him earlier. “It’s Michael. Michael O’Connolly.”

“What happens now?” he questioned and we both looked at Timmy when he stood unsteadily on the chair.

“No babe, you gotta sit down.” Jason told him.

“Daddy…hans.” he said, holding out his palms for his father to inspect and Jason took his arm to steady him on the chair.

“Yeah, they’re dirty, come on you gotta sit down.” Jason told him again, but the kid only glanced down at his hands with obvious interest.

“Alright sit down Timmy,” he said again and finally little Timmy took heed and allowed Jason to help him lower himself back into his seat. When Timmy then proceeded to wipe his palms in the white table cloth Jason’s eyes flashed to mine and I raised a hand to quiet his apologies.

“It’s fine.” I told him, my eyes focused on the messy ball of energy across from me as he concentrated on cleaning his little palms on the table cloth I’d washed only a day earlier.

I couldn’t say why the simple act filled me with longing.

“I’m taking you out to get something decent to wear, then we’re going to the doctor’s office. After that…we’ll see.”

“We’ve got clothes back home,” Jason explained and I thought back to the filthy, ripped clothes I’d thrown into the machine the night before. I didn’t want to imagine what the others looked like.

“It’s easier this way, the mall is on my way to the doctor’s, your place isn’t.”

“Bunny seeping.” This from Timmy again who, to my surprise, had directed his statement to me. I couldn’t figure out what that meant in baby talk, so I looked to Jason for help and I watched the corners of his mouth lift reluctantly.

“He’s talking about his stuffed bunny rabbit…He said it’s sleeping.” He explained and I grinned over at Timmy.

“Yes he is Timmy. Bunnies need their sleep.” I told him and he began a line of gibberish that I couldn’t hope to understand. This time when I looked at Jason he shrugged.

I could only nod and smile and more than once a dimpled grin lit his own little face.

“He’s precious.” I told Jason, who tried and failed to offer a convincing smile.

I took a sip of my coffee and watched as he finally stuck the strip of bacon into his mouth.

“Tell me about yourself.”

He shrugged. “Nothin’ to tell.”

“How about…How long have you been on your own?” I tried.

He shrugged again before plopping another strip of bacon into his mouth.

“Ever since the old man kicked me out,” He said. “I was fourteen.”

Jesus.

“Why’d he kick you out?”

“Because men like him are di—” he broke off when Timmy looked at him and sighed. “Who cares, it was forever ago, I’m over it.”

“Alright…it’s fine if you don’t want to get into it. What about Timmy’s mother?”

His eyes narrowed. “What about her?”

“Bunny now?” Timmy interrupted and Jason shook his head.

“Eat first.”

“Where is she?” I continued my interrogation and he glanced my way once more.

“Dead,” He said simply. “Got beat up pretty bad by some guy she got with.”

I sat up, alert now. “When was this?”

“Couple months after Timmy was born…bet it was on the news and everything.” He said casually and I took my time to take in his expression. “It happens.”

“Were you close?”

“Nah…she was just some chick…” he trailed off and I couldn’t tell if he was as unaffected by it as he wanted me to think. I made a mental note to find out her name and look into it myself.

“So it’s just been you and Timmy then…no one to share in the responsibilities.”

Another shrug…I could see it was a habit. “Yeah, but it’s better this way…some people aint cut out for taking care of kids.” He explained and I nodded. If what he said was true, then his father was a prime example.

“I’m guessing you dropped out of school when your father kicked you out?”

“Bunny seeping daddy?” Timmy interrupted again and this time Jason pulled him into his lap, scooped scrambled eggs from his own plate with his fork and fed it to him.

“Thought it made more sense to find someplace to live instead of school. I never liked it there anyway…and now it don’t matter.”

“It’s never too late to go back.”

“I don’t wanna go back. I just wanna take care of my kid and school aint helpin’ me do that.” He responded, before feeding another forkful to Timmy.

“School gives you an advantage…you could get a better job…more cash coming in…”

“I’m a grown man…I aint got the time to be goin’ back. I got responsibilities and if I work hard enough, everything will work out right,” he said with conviction and I decided to drop it… at least for the time being.

“Have you ever been arrested?”

“Bunny daddy?” Timmy interrupted again and we both looked down at his little face.

“You’ll get him soon, can you eat for Daddy first?” Jason asked and when his little face scrunched up and I sensed the oncoming waterworks I pushed up from my chair and walked around to where they sat.

“Come on, let’s go get your bunny.” I said to the boy who looked at me with tear-filled eyes.

Jason stood and deposited him onto the floor. “It’s okay, I can get it for him.” he said uncertainly and I stretched out a hand for Timmy anyway.

“I can handle it, finish your breakfast.” I told him and after only brief hesitation, he lowered himself into his chair and released is son’s arm.

Timmy didn’t take my hand until his father smiled down at him and finally his five fingers were wrapped securely around two of mine as we headed out of the room. The stairs were tricky for him and we had a slow time getting up them on his short legs, but eventually we made it up those too and entered the room he shared with his father.

He made an immediate beeline for the bed on which his bunny still ‘slept,’ but I lead him to the bathroom instead.

“Let’s wash your hands first okay?” I made sure to ask him and when he offered no objections, I lifted him up so he hovered over the sink. Turned on the water and squirted the soap into his hands.

It was crazy how helpless toddlers were, but at the same time it was so innocent and precious and once again, I felt a strange emotion rise up within me…almost like longing and I couldn’t understand it.

“Wader hot.” Timmy commented as we washed the egg from his hands and I grinned.

“No it’s just warm,” I told him, then with my free hand I dripped some of the liquid further up his arm. “See? Isn’t that warm?”

He ignored me, instead, waving his hands under the steady stream of water, completely lost in his own world. He’d all but forgotten about Bunny, seeming content to just play in the water for as long as he could and I made a mental note; Toddlers liked water .

I turned off the faucet and placed him back on his feet and before I could reach for the towel, he was rubbing his wet hands into his shirt. I shrugged and led him out of the room, picked up the bunny—which I was thankful I’d had the foresight to throw into the machine along with his clothes the night before—and handed it to him.

“Timmy an Bunny haf icee cuswader hot,” he said as we walked down the stairs and I replied the only way I could in the face of his gibberish;

“Uh…yeah.”  It seemed to appease him.

When we reentered the dining room, it was to see Jason clearing the table and he looked up at me uncertainly when he noticed our arrival. It seemed uncertainty was his most used expression in my presence and really, who could blame him? Right now I posed the biggest threat to the continued existence of his small family…I was the enemy.

“You don’t have to do that,” I told him, but he shrugged and continued, then when I released Timmy’s hand he rushed to trail behind his father as he made his trip to the kitchen sink and back.

When the dishes were all cleared, I removed the table cloth and threw it into the machine, set it to wash and informed Jason of our impending departure.

“I was thinking we could leave out in an hour…that okay with you?”

He nodded. “I’ll get him ready.” He said simply before leaving the room and once again I found myself thinking how odd it felt to have a full house.

My breakfast usually consisted of a cup of coffee and the remote control. Now it felt like a family affair…like it was when I was a kid, sitting around the table with my parents and sisters; a noisy event that I had cherished then, and now missed.

………………………………………………..

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been to the mall, but it was just as noisy, a general pain in the ass and as filled with teenage girls as I remembered. The moment I entered, I wanted to leave but the longer we stayed, the more I was glad we’d made the trip. Little Timmy was a bundle of energy, looking more alert than I had ever seen him in the hours we’d known each other. He was interested in everything and everyone.

His large eyes taking in everything around him as he pointed at every colorful and vaguely interesting thing he saw, while talking a mile of gibberish a minute. I could only assume it was his first time to a shopping mall and suddenly I was glad I’d been the one to take him. Jason was pretty much the same way—minus the pointing and the mindless chatter— he was silent for the most part, only speaking when addressing his son, but his interest could not be concealed.

What was meant to me a thirty-minute shopping trip, turned into a four and a half hour adventure. It was safe to say, the doctor would have to wait another day and I found the prospect of another night with my guests appealing. I ended up purchasing enough clothes to last them both two weeks and despite great protest from Jason, I bought Timmy more toys than any child had a right to get in one day, but children deserved to have fun.

Most of the money I made went into a bank account I hardly ever touched, so if I ever needed a reason to spend it, this was the perfect opportunity. When we were all hungry enough to visit to food court, I kept all the bags, while Jason took his son to the bathroom, then finally we were able to sit down and have our greasy, yet satisfying meal.

My eyes never strayed very far from Timmy, who half sat, half stood on his chair, munching away at his chicken nuggets. They also never strayed very far from his father, who, after the initial two hour mark, had proceeded to partake in conversation with me. As we walked around the mall, going into every store Timmy pointed to, he had questioned me about my shoulder, which I’d been unconsciously rolling all day and I’d told him of my unwanted adventure with the bullet.

From that exchange I’d learned that he himself had been witness to more shootings than he cared to remember and he wasn’t exactly fond of the police…or anyone in any position of authority really. He told me about the time he’d been chased by a cop through the streets and how, despite all efforts, he’d never been caught…until me of course.

I in turn told him about my sisters and how I grew up with them and how I had a four year old niece who was more interested in Barbie, than she was in her uncle Michael; that was the first time I heard him laugh and as the day progressed I managed to wring too more from his lips. He was a pleasant guy when he wasn’t on the defensive and Timmy was too precious not to love.

It had certainly been one of my better days since the accident and the more I smiled, the more I realized just how rarely I did it. We knew it was time to leave when Timmy started making a fuss though and we set off for the parking lot just as the tears began.

I could only guess he was tired and without a thought I scooped him up into my arms and almost immediately his tears subsided as he shoved his index and forefinger back into his mouth and rested his head on my shoulder. Beside me, Jason carried most of their bags and his eyes never strayed too far from Timmy’s face as we went.

It was just as we were about to exit the mall however, when Timmy pulled out his fingers and pointed across the way.

“Daddy icee,” he said and with an apologetic look, Jason led us over to the ice cream cart nestled in a corner, luring kids and unsuspecting parents its way.

Before I could move to grab my wallet, Jason dipped his hand into his own pocket and pulled out a few crumpled ten and dollar bills and swept past the other customer to pay for a cone.

“You’re a lucky guy.” A voice issued from my side and I looked over to see a middle-aged man standing there with a smile on his face. “My partner and I have been trying to adopt a child for two years now…It’s not what you’d call a simple process.” He said regretfully. “Your child is beautiful, what’s his name?”

I don’t know why I didn’t correct him then. It could have been because it was easier than having to explain the situation, or because it just wasn’t any of his business, but I thanked him instead and said;

“His name’s Timmy.”

The stranger smiled and Timmy pointed to where Jason stood waiting to be served. “Daddy haf icee?” he asked and I nodded, before grabbing hold of his bunny, just as it was about to fall to the floor.

“You and your partner as very lucky.” The stranger spoke again, looking from me to Jason and back with a warm smile and finally he left when whoever he’d been waiting for returned.

It was then that the warm feeling rose up inside me, just as it had so many times today and suddenly I found myself wondering if I really had it in me to do what needed to be done. Did I have it in me to break apart one of the most beautiful family’s I’d ever come across and how would Jason manage when I did?

I held Timmy close to me as I watched Jason make his way over to us with a small smile on his usually serious face, and when he handed it to his son all was right in the world once more…at least until Timmy put too much force behind this lick and the ice cream went toppling from the cone, to hit the floor below.

Timmy looked at the cone, looked at me, then at the floor, and it was then that the crying began.

                                                AUTHOR’S NOTES

ENJOY!

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Chapter 4: Crushed.

Chapter 4

It was that time of day when the sun was low in the sky, the crickets were singing out in the grass and the heat of the day had cooled to a bearable degree. Across the room Timmy sat on the carpet by the couch, a small bowl of strawberries trapped between his tiny legs and his eyes glued to the television on which colorful vegetables danced to a silly tune.

I sat at the dining table doing my taxes with Jason across from me. On the table before him, he had placed his crumbled ten, twenty and one dollar notes and in the book he held, he scribbled numbers and dates. He looked completely focused on his task, never taking his eyes from the page except to count and straighten out his cash. I set down my pencil and sat back in my chair, taking the time to observe him.

 His curly black hair floated over the page, the finally clean locks looked like woven threads of silk and I wondered if it would be soft to the touch. He had delicate features, almost like a woman’s. His eyebrows were dark and full and seemed perfectly coiffed, he had lashes that were so long it was a mystery how he could even see past them and his nose was slender and straight, fitting his face like the perfect puzzle piece.

Then there were his lips, looking soft and pink, glistening every time he licked them.  They strangely inviting, especially when he frowned. He didn’t have much stubble but it was there…a soft dusting of dark hair that lay just right against his tanned face.

There was innocence there as well, one that crept up on his features when he was calm and unaware. Innocence that made you want to keep him hidden from the world and all the shit it had to offer. Innocence that scared me.

How did you pass this man on the street and not give a damn and how could you see him with his child and not crave the love and tenderness that existed between them? The longer I waited to do my duty, the harder it was to think about doing it.  

Almost Two days and I felt like I’d known them all my life. The sound of Timmy’s laughter, the sight of his tears, the softness of his hands and the way it felt to hold him securely in my arms, to teach him new words and show him how to wipe his hands in a towel…I felt as though I had lived this my entire life, but how could that be?

And his father… Jason, the only rock Timmy had ever leaned against. The man with his stubbornness and his intense dislike of those with authority. The man who would clearly walk a mile for his kid, with so much love in his heart and too much weight on his shoulders.

I felt as though I had known him too…as though I had shared in his worries for a long time. Less than two days and who they were was already carved in my mind. How did I do my duty? How could I do the right thing now?

“Why are you lookin’ at me like that?”

I snapped back to the present at the sound of Jason’s voice. He stared at me with furrowed brows, his pen still trapped and poised between his fingers.

I shook my head. “What’re you doing?”

He glanced down at his work, then back up at me with a small frown. “I’m makin’ this plan. I gotta make sure I use my money right so I got enough for when the week is done.”

I nodded in understanding. “Like a budget.”

He shrugged.

“You mind if I take a look?”

He shrugged again, then slid the book toward me.

He’d laid out everything in columns with the amount of money he had in total at the top, then the days of the week on the side and inside the columns he made detailed notes on how the cash would be spent;

Oatmeal for Timmy. More Band-Aids. Juice for Timmy. One little box of mac and cheese for Timmy. The apples Timmy likes. A new comb because the other one got lost. Maybe some grapes if I can get them cheap like last time.  Money to save. Some peas cause Timmy isn’t going to the toilet regular these days. Bread. A yellow crayon cause Timmy made the other one melt in the sun that one time. A soap. Some more toothpaste cause ants went and ate the last one. Maybe some carrots cause Freddy says it’s supposed to be good for kids…

The list went on and the more I read, the more I felt for them. They were literally living hand to mouth. It wasn’t right.

I shook my head and looked up at him. He was fidgeting with the pen he held in his hands, he didn’t glance my way.

“You write pretty well for someone who dropped out of school.” Was the only thing I could come up with.

He looked at me with narrowed eyes. “Of course I can write, I aint never been stupid.”

“No need to get defensive Jason, I’m just making conversation.” I told him, but his expression didn’t change. I couldn’t blame him, he lived a life where he probably had to constantly defend his choices and maybe even his existence.

“Whose Freddy?” I asked when he said nothing. I watched as his expression became closed off and he shrugged.

“Some guy.”

I decided not to push it, instead handing him back the book and watching as he ripped out the page on which he’d made his budget and stuffed it into his pocket along with the cash he’d spread across the table.

I looked down at my paperwork and picked up my pen, then set it down again and looked at him. He was sitting with his arm folded and his eyes planted somewhere above my head. I assumed he was taking in the night sky through the window and I glanced around too. It was nice out tonight.

I could see the stars dotting the sky and the silhouette of the trees set against a picturesque backdrop of nature. It wasn’t often that I took the time out to appreciate the life in my own backyard, and like the presence of my two guests, it made me feel calm…happy even.

“I was thinking maybe we could leave in the morning?” Jason asked, breaking the silence with words I didn’t want to hear.

“You know what my answer is gonna be Jason.”

He frowned. “Then when do we get to leave?”

“Timmy can’t go back on the streets and to be honest…it’s best you don’t either.”

“Well tough… that’s how it’s gotta be ’till I find someplace better.”

I took a breath, “You’ve heard of Child Protective Services right?”

I watched as the blood quite literally drained from his face and he became still. “You said you wouldn’t, you said we could leave after we went to the doctor.” He said, voice trembling, breathing harsh and all I could do was sit and watch him fall apart.

“I never said that Jason.”

“I told you I’m done picking pockets Michael, I swear this time… I’m working on Monday and that whole week and I’ll get paid, and in no time I’m gonna have money for this place I saw and it’s not dangerous there at all—”

It was the first time he’d used my name and the way he’d dropped it in there with his plea made me feel like a dick for even bringing any of this up.

“It’s against the law to have a child living in those conditions. I’m a servant of the law Jason, what do you want me to do?”

“It’s against the law to take kids from their family too…so…so you can’t do this.”

I shook my head.

“They’ll find a temporary home for him until you can get your life together, then he’s all yours. I’ll even arrange for you to visit him and—”

“Timmy, come on we’re leaving!” he shouted, pushing up from his chair so quickly that it fell over. I stood, moving around the table on quick feet to catch up with him before he got to the child.

“Hey, you’re gonna scare him, stop it.” I hissed when I grabbed his arm, glancing at little Timmy who sat watching us with wide eyes.

When he shoved me, my grip tightened. “Hey, relax…I’m only giving you options here…I’m not saying for sure that I’m calling CPS, relax!”

“Then what then?” He panted, still shoving at my chest.

 “We’ll figure it out.”

“No…tell me straight up, I’m sick of your games!”

I gritted my teeth, my arms still tight around his as I watched the expressions play across his face, fear being the dominant one and I was the one who put it there.

“Either CPS or… or there are other options out there, if you’d just stop and listen for a minute!”

“What options?” he hissed.

Nothing came to mind as he struggled and from the corner of my eye, I saw little Timmy push up from the carpet, his bowl of strawberries in hand and I said the only thing that came to my lips.

“You can stay with me.”

That gave him a pause. Then he pushed against my hold. “Bull.”

“Hey, stop it, I’m serious…I have more than enough room…you can stay until you sort yourself out and you’ll be together.”

“You really think I’m that stupid? You don’t want us here, why would you? You don’t even know who we are.”

“Well it’s either that or CPS so you decide, but I promise you, you’re not taking Timmy back to the streets.” I said firmly and I don’t know what it was that he saw in my eyes or heard in my tone, but he stopped fighting me at once, going limp in my arms and  I watched in horror as the tears filled his eyes.

I let him go instantly and he spun away from me and picked up his baby boy. The strawberries went flying to the ground—bowl and all, and I watched as he crushed a few of them underfoot as he exited the room. I followed only to prevent him from taking any exits and watched with a heavy heart as, with nowhere else to go, he headed upstairs with Timmy in his arms.

I stood at the foot of the stairs and watched until they were out of sight, then flinched when I heard a door slam. For a while I stood there, watching the empty staircase and feeling sick to my stomach. Then with a sigh, I ran a hand over my face before reentering the family room where the crushed strawberries stained the cream carpet.

With a sigh I bent to pick them up, one by one until I filled the bowl and set it on the dining table. I glanced around the room silently. On the television, colorful vegetables continued to dance to their silly tune, upstairs a father and son were locked away and down here , in the room where it had all gone to hell, I stood alone with a bowl of crushed fruit, feeling every bit a like the bad guy.

                                         AUTHOR’S NOTES

IT’S BEEN A WHILE I KNOW..BUT THANKS FOR STICKING WITH ME AND THIS STORY. YOU GUYS MEAN THE WORLD TO ME. THE NEXT CHAPTERS WILL BE LONG I PROMISE!

THANK YOU.

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Sneak peek : Bath time with Bunny…and other things.

Sneak peek for chapter 5

I rolled off the couch and narrowly avoided stepping on the small figure crouching between the coffee table and the couch. I hopped for a second on one foot trying to recover my balance, then let out a relieved breath when I was stable and upright.

I immediately glanced around the room, searching for Jason, who was never very far from Timmy’s side, but he was nowhere in sight and with narrowed eyes, I walked slowly over to the child and crouched down before him, taking in the mess he was making.

He crouched there as naked as the day he was born. In his hand, he held a tube of toothpaste and I watched with raised brows as he squirted the white stuff onto the face of his stuffed bunny, his browed drawn together in concentration as he completed his task, then as I watched, he dipped his fingers into the mess and ran it back and forth in a brushing motion.

“Are you brushing his teeth?” I asked him, and he looked up at me for the first time. I noticed the toothpaste on his face, in his hair and in his hands and if it wasn’t on the carpet I would have been pretty surprised.

“Bunny ah keen now.” He announced and I took that to mean ‘bunny is all clean now’ and wondered if I was finally getting the hang of his toddler gibberish.

“Yeah, but now you’re all dirty…where’s your daddy?”

He stood and pointed to the dining room with his free hand. “Daddy seeping.”

“Alright come on let’s go visit him.” I told him and almost immediately he stretched out his arms for me to lift him and I did so without hesitation. In one hand he still held the tube of open toothpaste, and the other was pressed gently against my bare chest.

I could feel the wet toothpaste  being smeared over my skin as I left the room and I thought of just how much of a mess toddlers made on a daily basis. They clearly needed constant supervision and I felt a deep respect for single parents who had to contend with the little beasts twenty-four seven.

 When I reached to the foot of the staircase, Timmy ordered me to return to the family room for bunny, who lay alone by the couch, with a face full of toothpaste, then finally we were off and I marched the little devil up the stairs while he wrapped his arms around my neck, getting toothpaste behind my ear and, I was certain, in my hair.

The first thing I noticed when I turned down the hall, was that the door to the guest room Timmy shared with his father was wide open and when I peeked inside, it was to see Jason stretched across the bed, a hand hanging off one side of the mattress and a foot off the other, while he slept soundly. When I put a finger over my lips, Timmy mimicked the action and I turned back down the hall with him in tow.

“Let’s get you cleaned up. Are you ready for bath time?” I asked in that sing-song voice kids seemed to relate to and when he mimicked the act of a finger over his lips, I chuckled silently.

 Once in my own bathroom at the opposite end of the hall, I pulled a clean towel from the cabinet and set Timmy on his feet while I filled the tub with warm water, then threw in some  body wash for men, hoping it was okay to use on kids. Timmy moved to stand by the tub and together we watched it fill. He was mesmerized when I reached in to swirl the water around, allowing the suds to form and before I knew it, he had thrown in his bunny and the tube of toothpaste soon followed.

We watched as the tube sank and bunny floated, then he too sank to the bottom of the tub, his sewed on smile still visible under water.

“Ready to go in?” I asked my little house guest and he pointed to the water and spoke some words I couldn’t decipher.

He was fascinated and when I swirled the water around some more, he watched the path my hand took, right up until the time I removed it from the water.

“Alright, that’s enough.” I said, turning off the tap and he looked up at me with a frown.

I stuck my tongue out at him and he giggled, then giggled some more when I hoisted him up and placed him into the warm water. He was in heaven, playing in the water and chasing after suds as I scrubbed the toothpaste from his hair. I decided right then to get him a rubber duck for his neck bath time.

“Wader hot.” He told me and I rolled my eyes. As long as water was involved, for him it would always be hot.

He giggled when I rolled them again and this time he hit the water a few times with his tiny arms, drenching my face with the warm liquid. I blinked it from my eyes, then pointed to the bottom of the tub.

“You wanna hand me the toothpaste?” I asked him, and after a moment’s pause he reached down and took hold of the tooth paste, but instead of handing it to me, he squeezed the end of the tube, squirting the minty flavored paste into the water, then he squirted some more until I managed to pry it from his wet fingers.

It was by this time that I’d given up all pretense of cleaning him and instead sat back and watched him play around in his soapy, toothpaste-filled bath water. It certainly wasn’t a bad way to start the day.

                                     AUTHOR’S NOTES

SORRY ABOUT THE BLANK PAGE EARLIER GUYS..I WENT BACK TO EDIT A WORD AND THE PAGE MALFUNCTIONED.

HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS LITTLE PEEK INTO CHAPTER 5!

Chapter 5: Breakfast hits and misses

Chapter 5

It was hours later, when the mess of the day had been cleared away and taxes completed that I finally ventured upstairs. I glanced down the hall to the left, and paused when I spotted the light under the door of the guest room. I’d decided to broach the all-important conversation with him in the morning, but maybe there really was no time like the present, so I headed in that direction.

 I paused after the first knock, then waited awhile longer after the second, but no sound issued from inside the room. I stood listening for even the slightest clamor issuing from the other side, but all was still, so I pushed the door open carefully and went in, planning to turn out the lights but someone was very much awake.

From where he sat on the floor against the wall not far away, Jason looked up at me. In his arms he held a sleeping Timmy, and beside him lay the ratty stuffed bunny he loved so much. I couldn’t help the smile that crept up at the sight, but when I met Jason’s gaze it all but fell. He was still angry, that was clear from his very expression, but it was his eyes that really gave me pause.

They were red and swollen as though he’d been rubbing them all night and the shade of his nose was no different. Here sat a man who looked beaten and worn, as though he had been through too much and couldn’t bear even one more hint of a struggle, and I wondered if maybe he had reached his limit. After all he’d been through I wouldn’t be surprised. My guilt grew.

I stepped further into the room and his eyes followed me. I detected in them; anger, but there was also uncertainty and a hint of fear. I moved to sit on the edge of the bed across from him.

“I don’t know how else to help you.”

Silence.

For a moment I watched him as he watched me and when he offered not a peep, I stood, stuffing my hands into the pockets of my jeans.

“I’m serious about you and Timmy staying here. You can take this room, you won’t have to pay rent and I’ll provide the food. The second you sort yourself out you’re free to leave with your son and you’ll never have to see my face again.”

The silence remained unbroken.

“I told you before that I’m on leave from work for a while so I don’t mind watching him while you work in the day.”

“I aint leaving my kid with you.” He spat and I gritted my teeth against an equally angry retort.

But he’d leave his kid alone at night in a condemned building.

“I’m not the bad guy here Jason—”

“Aren’t you?” he hissed. “You want to take my baby from me for no good reason!”

I raised a brow. “No good reason?” I asked softly and he only gritted his teeth and looked away. I took a breath.

“Let’s get one thing straight. I’m offering you the opportunity to do right by him. I’m opening up my home to you and Timmy instead of doing my duty and reporting you. I’m not trying to break up a family here, I’m doing everything I can…what more do you want?”

When he looked at me I this time, it wasn’t with a glare. It was with tired eyes and a worn out expression. “I just want to be with Timmy…he gotta stay with me. We’re all we got and I’m tryin harder than anybody so he can be happy.”

“I know you are—”

“Then let us go.”

I shook my head. “It’s your choice what happens with your kid Jason. You really want to be with him, then feel free to stay here. If you really want to leave, then prepare to visit him in another home because there’s not much else I can do.”

“Well then fuck you.”

For a second I only stared at him, then I shook my head.

 “If you really love him… and I know you do, then you’ll do whatever it takes to make sure he’s safe.”

“He’s always been safe.”

I shook my head. “It’s time to wake up, your denial isn’t helping your family. ”

Finally I turned and exited the room, closing the door softly behind me.

I paused outside his door and took a breath, certain I’d only succeeded in poking at the flames rather than cooling them as I’d planned. I was completely at a loss. A part of me wished I’d never had the misfortune of catching Jason the other night, then I wouldn’t need to be the voice of reason in this delicate situation.

Then another part of me was grateful for their presence in my life.  Timmy was like a breath of fresh air in my stale, lonely house and when he wasn’t being completely irrational, Jason was  just as revitalizing, but  the truth was, I didn’t know what I was doing and I only hoped that no matter what Jason decided, I wasn’t forcing them both into a terrible ordeal.

  I glanced down the hall and looked longingly at my bedroom door, knowing that once again I’d be spending the night on the couch. I ran a hand through my hair and let out a frustrated breath before making my way down the hall, then down the stairs, turning out the lights as I went.

Just as I flipped on the television, the phone went off and I lowered myself into the couch and stretched across the empty cushion to grab the phone from where it was lodged between the chair arm and the cushion.

“O’Connolly.” I answered on the second ring.

“You don’t sound like a man who’s been resting.” My buddy John’s voice issued over the line and I grinned, resting my back against the arm of the chair.

“Yeah well rest aint what it used to be.”

He chuckled. “I hear yah.  How’s the shoulder?”

I shrugged. “Could be better, but I’m not complaining. How’s Kyle?”

“Kyle is…Kyle. He’s actually the reason I’m calling, we’re—”

 “ Have you told him yet? Don’t let him hang up until he says he’s coming . Michael needs to get out and breathe every once in a while ” I heard Kyle—John’s partner—say in the background and I shook my head.

“Where exactly am I supposed to say yes to going?” I asked, certain John could hear the grin in my voice.

“We’re hosting a little get-together down by Dave’s bar next weekend. You should come down for a few hours, drink a couple a beers, shoot some pool with the guys… we’re all starting to wonder if you’re still living.”

I snorted, “Yeah well tell the assholes I’m alive and kicking and tell Peter to be ready for a good ass whopping when I get back.” I chuckled and John joined in.

“Doesn’t sound like a yes for next weekend.” He commented and once again I shrugged to myself.

“I can’t…something’s come up that I need to take care of. It’s a crazy time right now.”

 A pause on the line, then; “Sounds serious, you need any help?” he couldn’t mask the concern in his voice and I was grateful, but I shook my head knowing full well he couldn’t see me.

“Nah I’ve got it under control for now…tell Kyle I’ll catch the next one.”

Another pause.

“Alright, just remember I’m a phone call away if you need anything and take care of that shoulder.”

“Yeah, will do.” And that was that. I set the phone down on the coffee table and for a minute I only stared at the muted television screen.

Everything was not under control. Who knew when it would be again.

…………………………………

“One…”

“Two…”

“thwee”

“Four…”

“Fife…”

I shifted, trying to find a comfortable spot on the lumpy couch, while simultaneously trying to block out the noise in the room.

“Sis…”

“Sven…”

“Eigh…”

“Nine…”

I groaned, blinking against the harsh morning light. Then I yawned, stretching my hands above my head, back arching, toes curling, as my body awakened limb by limb.

 Then finally I rolled off the couch in preparation to stand, only to catch the movement in the corner of my eye. I shifted the direction of my feet just as I was about to plant them onto the floor and narrowly missed stepping on the small figure crouching between the coffee table and the couch. I hopped for a second on one foot, trying to recover my balance, then let out a relieved breath when I was stable and upright.

I immediately glanced around the room, searching for Jason, who was never very far from Timmy’s side, but he was nowhere in sight, and with narrowed eyes, I walked slowly over to the child and crouched down before him, taking in the mess he was making. He crouched there as naked as the day he was born.

In his hand, he held a tube of toothpaste and I watched with raised brows as he squirted the white stuff onto the face of his stuffed bunny, his brows drawn together in concentration as he completed his task. Then as I watched, he dipped his fingers into the mess and ran it back and forth in a brushing motion.

“Are you brushing his teeth?” I asked him, and he looked up at me for the first time. I noticed the toothpaste on his face, in his hair and in his hands and if it wasn’t on the carpet I would have been pretty surprised.

“Bunny ah keen now.” He announced, and I took that to mean ‘bunny is all clean now’ and wondered if I was finally getting the hang of his toddler gibberish.

“Yeah, but now you’re all dirty…where’s your daddy?”

He stood and pointed to the dining room with his free hand. “Daddy seeping.”

“He is? Come on let’s go visit him.” I told him, and almost immediately he stretched out his arms for me to lift him and I did so without hesitation. In one hand he still held the tube of open toothpaste, and the other was pressed gently against my bare chest.

I could feel the wet toothpaste  being smeared over my skin as I left the room, and I thought of just how much of a mess toddlers made on a daily basis. They clearly needed constant supervision and I felt a deep respect for single parents who had to contend with the little beasts twenty-four seven.

 When I reached to the foot of the staircase, Timmy ordered me to return to the family room for bunny, who lay alone by the couch, with a face full of toothpaste, then finally we were off and I marched the little devil up the stairs while he wrapped his arms around my neck, getting toothpaste behind my ear and, I was certain, in my hair.

The first thing I noticed when I turned down the hall, was the trail of clothes on the floor leading  from  the open door of the guest room Timmy shared with his father.

“What? You sick of your clothes already?” I asked him, and as expected he ignored me.

  I followed the trail of toddler clothes right up to the door of the guest room and peeked inside to see Jason stretched across the bed, an arm hanging off one side of the mattress and a foot off the other, while he slept soundly.  For a moment I only watched him. He made no use of the blankets on the bed, instead choosing to lay atop them, bare from his waist up.

His skin was tanned and looked as smooth as I thought it would be. He was dead to the world, his shallow breathing the only sounds that could be heard in the quiet room. I glanced down at the bundle in my arms. He was more focused on the tube in his hands, but when I put a finger over my lips, he looked up and mimicked the action. I grinned and turned back down the hall with him in tow.

“Let’s get you cleaned up. Are you ready for bath time?” I asked in that sing-song voice kids seemed to relate to and when he mimicked the act of a finger over his lips, I chuckled silently. It never failed to amaze me just how adorable kids could be in their innocence. It was almost breathtaking.

I opened a few windows once I was in my room and shifted Timmy to my other arm, while I pulled out a drawer in search of a shirt I could slip over his head after his bath. Once in my own bathroom at the opposite end of the hall, I pulled a clean towel from the cabinet, and set Timmy on his feet while I filled the tub with warm water, then threw in some  body wash for men, hoping it was okay to use on kids.

Timmy moved to stand by the tub and together we watched it fill. He was mesmerized when I reached in to swirl the water around, allowing the suds to form and before I knew it, he had thrown in his bunny and the tube of toothpaste soon followed.

We watched as the tube sank and bunny floated, then he too sank to the bottom of the tub, his sewed-on smile still visible under water.

“Ready to go in?” I asked my little house guest and he pointed to the water and spoke some words I couldn’t decipher.

He was fascinated, and when I swirled the water around some more, he watched the path my hand took, right up until the time I removed it from the water.

“Alright, that’s enough.” I said, turning off the tap and he looked up at me with a frown.

I stuck my tongue out at him and he giggled, then giggled some more when I hoisted him up and placed him into the warm water. He was in heaven, playing in the water and chasing after suds as I scrubbed the toothpaste from his hair. I decided right then to get him a rubber duck for his next bath time.

“Wader hot.” He told me and I rolled my eyes. As long as water was involved, for him it would always be hot.

He giggled when I rolled them again and this time he hit the water a few times with his tiny arms, drenching my face with the warm liquid. I blinked it from my eyes, then pointed to the bottom of the tub.

“You wanna hand me the toothpaste?” I asked him, and after a moment’s pause he reached down and took hold of the tooth paste, but instead of handing it to me, he squeezed the end of the tube, squirting the minty flavored paste into the water, then he squirted some more until I managed to pry it from his wet fingers.

It was by this time that I’d given up all pretense of cleaning him and instead sat back and watched him play around in his soapy, toothpaste-filled bath water. It certainly wasn’t a bad way to start the day.

Twenty minutes later I had him sitting completely naked on three cushions I’d mounted on the dining room chair as I watched him eat his mac and cheese. He’d made a huge fuss when I’d tried to put him in clothes after an abnormally long bath time, so I’d left him to roam the house as free and unhindered as he chose to be.

“Timmy?” I heard Jason call out from upstairs and Timmy’s face lit up.

“He’s down here with me.” I called up and not a moment later, I heard the heavy footfalls on the stairs before Jason appeared from around the corner.

“He came down earlier so I gave him a bath and some food.” I explained before he had a chance to ask and he glanced at little Timmy, who was trying to slide down from the cushions so he could get to his dad.

Jason held him steady on his seat, ruffled his curls and pointed to his small plate. “No, finish your food first.” He instructed and while he lifted his spoon to his face, he watched Jason as he walked around the chair and took a seat beside him.

“Sometimes he doesn’t like wearing clothes.” He explained, somewhat grudgingly and I nodded.

“Yeah I saw the trail he left in the hallway.”

He said nothing, only watched as Timmy ate messily.

“I can make you something if you’re hungry.” I offered and he looked at me with narrowed eyes.

“I’m not.”

“Look, I was thinking—”

“You’re not allowed to do this.” He cut me off mid-sentence and I watched him with furrowed brows.

“Do what exactly?”

“Take care of him like he’s yours.”

“I don’t follow.” I said, folding my arms before me.

“You don’t get to take him outta the room, you don’t get to do whatever you want with him. I do that… I clean him when he’s dirty, I brush his teeth and I keep him safe.”

“He woke up, you were still sleeping so he came downstairs. I didn’t take him from your room and he needed a bath, so I gave him one. I didn’t think that would be a problem.”

“Timmy never leaves by himself. He knows that he doesn’t go places without me.” He said with narrowed eyes and I levelled him with an equally hard stare.

“Well he did it this morning and he’ll do it again, because guess what? Children are unpredictable. He won’t always do what you expect and that’s another reason why he’s safer here than he is in that run-down place you called home.”

“Why do you always gotta be such dick?” he insulted.

“Dick.” Timmy spoke around a mouthful of macaroni and Jason looked over at him in horror.

“No, you don’t say those stuff Timmy.” He scolded.

“If you don’t want him to repeat after you, then don’t curse in front of him.” I said in a flat tone and he gritted his teeth.

“I don’t cuss in front of him…you’re just such a…a—”

“Dick.”

“Don’t say that Timmy!” we scolded in unison and Timmy looked between us in obvious confusion.

I sighed, then ran a hand over my face. “Look, arguing won’t get us anywhere. I understand that you’re still pissed off about everything…your life’s practically been turned upside down overnight, I get that…but we need to work together here.”

“I should a never tried to pick you the other night, then I wouldn’t hafto deal with all this…crap.”

“Yeah well that can’t be helped. It happened, you’re both here and the situation isn’t going to go away, so we need to make sure we’re on the same page here. Have you made a decision?”

The anger never left his expression, but neither did the uncertainty. “I did.”

“And?”

A long pause, where he gritted his teeth and glared. Then he clasped his hands before him and let out a breath. “I’m gonna-”

“Dick.”

We both looked at little Timmy who sat staring at us innocently with a piece of macaroni stuck to his chin. I sighed.

                                         AUTHOR’S NOTES

ENJOY.

THANKS FOR KEEPING SWEET <3

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Chapter 6: Crime will always be a factor

Chapter 6

                                           

“All set?” I glanced in my rearview mirror to watch as Jason fastened his son’s seatbelt before securing his own. When he was done, he folded my arms before him and focused his attention out the window without a word.

It didn’t faze me. He’d finally agreed to stay and I didn’t exactly expect him to suddenly like the idea. I put the car in reverse and maneuvered out of the space. It had only been two hours since the breakfast fiasco and Timmy was, after much fuss, clothed, clean and happy in the back seat of my car.

We hadn’t yet fleshed out the details of his stay, but one thing I wouldn’t budge on, was the need for a car seat while Timmy remained a guest in my home. So that’s where we were headed—to the store to get a proper child seat, then off to the doctor for a checkup for them both.

I could only describe this as a heady feeling as I switched to a radio station for children and sat comfortably in my seat with my passengers behind me. It was new for me—certainly a day of firsts and for whatever reason, it put me in a good mood. Jason would come around. I’d make him see that this was a good decision and eventually he would come to feel safe in my company, in my home…maybe even happy.

I smiled at that and glanced again into the rearview, catching his eyes briefly before they narrowed and he turned away. Maybe this was what I needed, something to take my mind off feeling sorry for myself…something to divert all my time and energy into; caring for father and son.

“I was thinking we could stop by the grocery store when we leave the doctor.”

Silence.

“I was also thinking…I could give you a job.”

“I already got a job.” He finally replied and I glanced into the mirror in time to catch his expression; annoyance with just a hint of curiosity.

“I realize that, but we already discussed the fact that a ranch is no place for a kid—”

“And I told you I aint leavin’ him with you.”

“Which is why I found a better solution.” I trailed off, and his eyes narrowed. “I’ll give you a job, that way you’ll be with Timmy in a safe environment and you won’t have to think about leaving him for a second.”

“Last time I checked you gotta finish high school before you can be a cop.”

I chuckled. “No…I was thinking more along the lines of a handy man.” His brows furrowed. “You might have noticed all that junk around the yard…especially out back. I’m renovating. I already did as much as I want to on the inside, but I’ve still got a lot to do outside. I’m building a patio and with my busted shoulder I can use all the help I can get.”

“I don’t know how to build no patio.”

“That’s fine … I’ll be doing it with you so I’ll teach you.”

“How much you willin’ to pay?” he said boldly and when I rattled off what I believed to be a reasonable sum, his eyes widened.

“What happens when it gets built?”

“Then I’ll find something else for you to do.”

“I been living in the world long enough to know that people don’t do squat for you for nothing…so what’s your price…why’re you really being so nice?”

I shook my head. In my profession you learned fairly quickly that you should always proceed with caution and a healthy dose of suspicion was essential in this life, but from what I’d managed to learn from him, he let suspicion guide all his decisions. He might have a kid to think about, but that couldn’t be a healthy way to live.

“Maybe it’s the way my mother raised me…or maybe it’s just the way I was made, but I can’t see someone struggling and turn my back…I won’t.” He said nothing and I continued. “At the end of the day I suppose it all comes down to whether you’re willing to trust that I’ll keep you and Timmy safe.”

“You’re not lying to me are you?” he expression had changed from defensive to one of pleading and I only felt pity.

“What do you think?”

“I don’t want you to be… I think maybe I’m just tired of people lying to me.”

“Then you’ve got nothing to worry about because I’m not. I’ll promise you right now that I’ll always be straight with you…no matter what.”

He bit his lip and turned away and I focused my attention on the road.

“If you really want help with your place then I guess I can take the job…if you’re really gonna pay me what you said.”

I fought back a smile. “Good, then you can start on Monday.”

“I’ll save everything…then when I have enough we can leave.”

He didn’t phrase it as a question but I could sense his uncertainty and I did my best to reassure him.

“As long as you can keep your child off the streets, then you’re free to be on your way. I just want him safe…both of you.”

He nodded slowly before glancing at Timmy, who sat quietly playing with one of the toys I’d purchased when we’d visited the mall. He had no clue he was the cause of any tension, no idea that we discussed his well-being as we travelled to our destination and not a care in the world as he sat in his innocence…just as it should be.

…………………………………….

The department store we entered fifteen minutes later, was nowhere near the size of the mall, but Timmy was as enthralled now as he was then. His tiny legs couldn’t take him across the floor fast enough and he touched everything he could get his hands on.

 For a while I allowed him this small chance to explore, and Jason and I followed him around the store, listening to him speak his nonsense and indulging him by looking at everything he pointed to. His little face was aglow with excitement and it was a pleasure to see.

“He’s not always this way…I think maybe he’s just too excited. I won’t make him mess with anything.” Jason, as he was prone to do, apologized on his son’s behalf.

I waved a hand to dismiss his concerns. “It’s okay, let him do his thing. This is just the way kids are.”

“Daddy.” We both glanced down at him and by extension at what he pointed to this time and  Jason crouched beside him to take the item, when Timmy stuffed it into his hand.

It was a stuffed rabbit, almost identical to the one he had sitting in my car, except that his one was green with a large fluffy bow around its neck.

“You already have a bunny remember?” Jason spoke quietly to him.

“An we haf more bunny.”

“One is enough babe. Let’s put this back.” And as soon as he did Timmy picked it up again, his large pleading eyes turned up to his father’s face and I wondered how anyone could deny him anything.

“Pease… bunny gween daddy.”

Jason shook his head and pointed to the shelf. After what felt like ages, Timmy finally replaced the toy, then reached up to take his father’s hand.

“I can get it for him.”

Jason looked at me with a frown.

“No. Timmy’s gotta learn that he can’t always get what he wants.”

“It’s really not a problem…I can just—”

“No.”

“I don’t get what the issue is.”

He pulled Timmy gently down the aisle and the little guy followed obediently, running his fingers over the shelves we passed.

“I aint spoiling my kid.”

I shook my head. “He doesn’t have much of anything to get any enjoyment out of as it is…sometimes people deserve to be spoiled a little.”

“You don’t got a son so you wouldn’t get it. I’m trynna teach him that he gotta satisfy with what he got and he can’t just say he wants something and expect to get it. The world doesn’t work that way for people like us.”

When I opened my mouth to argue he beat me to it. “I don’t want you teaching him otherwise.”

I held up my hands in surrender and he walked away without another word, leaving me to trail behind them up the aisle.

I shook my head. My sister was the same way with her own kids and I could never understand why a parent wouldn’t want to lavish their kids with gifts if they had the means. They deserved to be cherish and spoiled…they were too precious to be left wanting.

I glanced back down the aisle at the green rabbit and decided that I’d come back one day in the week to get it for him…it could be a Christmas gift if they stayed that long.

It was almost an hour before we finally got the chance to do what we really went there for, and armed with my car seat reviews, we went in search of the perfect one. I went over the safety facts I held and we walked through the aisles where they both watched me as I read through the specs on each one.

In the end though, realizing my folly I turned to him. He was leaning against the shelf, the back of his head resting against a lamp which was on sale. “You choose.”

He looked at me in surprise, then very slowly, if a bit uncertainly, he turned around to survey the rows and rows of seats.

“The blue one?” he suggested timidly and I had to smile.

Of course he wouldn’t care about the safety ratings or the specs. I wasn’t exactly sure why I found that adorable.

“Alright.” I perused the fact sheet on the brand he’d chosen, and finding no real fault with it, I pulled the box off the shelf and they followed me to the cashier.

“You sure you wanna spend all that cash on this thing? Timmy can just sit on the normal seat. He aint fussy.” He commented when he stood beside me in line.

“This has less to do with his comfort and more to do with his safety.”

“I’m sittin’ right there beside him…he’s always gonna be safe.” He tried and failed to convince me.

“It’s not so simple.”

“Whatever, it’s your money.” He grumbled and when Timmy pulled on my pants and raised his arms, I looked to Jason in askance.

“Is it alright if I pick him up?”

He shrugged so I did, and little Timmy wrapped his arms around my neck when he was safely settled, resting his head on my shoulder.

He felt like a pillow in my arms…warm and soft, yet fragile and precious.

“I was thinking…” Jason began, shifting from foot to foot in clear impatience.

“Hmm?”

“Maybe we don’t have to go to the doctor…Timmy’s never been sick before and I haven’t got sick since I was a kid. I take care of us.”

“I know you do…but this is just to be sure.”

“Yeah…but…maybe you’re wasting too much money.”

“Don’t worry about it, it’s not a waste if I’m using it to make sure you’re healthy.”

“Yeah…but you could buy a lot a food with that money…you’d have food for weeks…you wouldn’t have to worry about anything.” He said seriously.

I turned to him. “I’ll still be able to get us all food…this week and the next and the one after that…trust me…it’s not something you’ll have to worry about while you’re staying with me.”

“Yeah…but just in case…I got 30 bucks off this old guy last week… I could give you half for groceries…we don’t eat that much…you know…just in case.” He tried to assure me.

I frowned. You didn’t truly understand what the homeless had to go through until you heard statements like these and it disturbed me more than I could say, but rather than comment on that, I said;

“You stole money from a defenseless old man?”

His eyes narrowed. “He wasn’t that old and I didn’t take all of it…just what I needed.”

He explained as though it somehow made it better.

I nodded slowly. “Let’s just forget put all that behind us.”

There was only so much an agent could turn a blind eye to.

 He ignored me after that and reached up to run a hand through Timmy’s hair.

He shifted in my arms. “Go now?” he asked his dad.

“Almost.” Jason assured him… “You hungry?”

Timmy shook his head. “No.”

I handed my card over to the cashier when it was my turn and we finally left the place, the new owners of a sky-blue car seat.

I set Timmy down when we reached the car and solicited the help of Jason to install the seat. It was a simple process which took less time than I’d expected and when we were done Timmy took it in stride when he was strapped in.

“Daddy, wass him?” I glanced in the rearview once I’d fastened my own seat belt to see Timmy pointing to the back of my head.

“That’s Michael.”

“Wass him?” he asked again and I grinned and started the engine.

“I told you babe…he’s Michael.”

“Micha stay an…an come wif me an daddy?”

“Yup.”

He didn’t have much to say after that and we travelled in comfortable silence to our next stop. It was strange how the day had begun…with arguments and accusations. I hadn’t imagine this semblance of civility so soon after Jason’s initial blow up. I could only hope it was an indication of how it would be from here on out.

“We’re here already?”

“Yeah… I deliberately chose a department store close by…didn’t want to miss the appointment.”

“Get Timmy out and let’s go.” I hopped out of the vehicle and locked up behind us when they were out and soon we were making our way across the parking lot and through the automatic doors of the doctor’s office.

“Yes… Michael O’Connolly, I have an appointment at eleven…is she ready for me?” I questioned the receptionist.

“You’re actually right on time, you can go in, the doctor will be right with you.”

“Thanks.” I beckoned to my travel companions and they followed me into the small room. Jason was as uncomfortable as I’d ever seen him. He stood in the center of the room with his son’s hand trapped securely in his, while I grabbed a seat on the bench and waited.

“You know it’s okay if you grab a seat.”

He shook his head. “I just wanna get it over with.”

“Michael, haven’t seen you around in a while, how are you?”

I glanced up when the doc—my longtime friend Annalise entered the room with two clipboards in hand and I stood and greeted her with a hug.

“It’s a good thing too…probably means I’m healthy.”

She smiled. “And who is this little guy?” she crouched before Timmy who stepped behind his father, using his leg as a shield.

“He’s Timmy.” Jason explained and once the introductions were out of the way, I was politely, yet sternly invited to exit the room while she carried out her checkup.

Never one to be patient while waiting, I spent my time flipping through worn magazines, reading the health charts hanging on the walls, pacing the hallway and finally I found myself listening to the ramblings of an old woman who wasn’t very pleased with her ailing husband’s bowel movements.

When the doctor finally exited the room she made a beeline for me and I was quick to meet her halfway, surprisingly anxious to hear what her observations had produced.

“Well you’ll be happy to know that Timmy is a healthy little sweetheart. His father gave me permission to take a blood sample so I can run some tests, but on the face of it, he seems perfectly fine.”

“And Jason?”

She glanced down at her file briefly. “Well apart from mild dehydration he seems fine, but of course I can’t be sure until the blood and urine sample come back. The dehydration is something that can be remedied.” She handed me a prescription and I perused it briefly.

“And that’s it? Remember when I called I explained that they’ve been—”

“Living on the streets, yes I remember and I’ve done all the necessary tests for now. They’re in the clear as far as I can judge without the test results from the samples I took.”

I nodded. “Have you noticed Timmy’s speech?” I questioned because it was something that had been bothering me.

“I have.”

“And? You don’t think it should be more developed at his age? He’s almost three years old…shouldn’t he be speaking in full sentences by now?”

She smiled “It’s true that toddlers at his age do tend to be more advanced in terms of their speech, however everyone develops at their own pace. I wouldn’t worry about that. What you and his father need to do is communicate with him regularly. If you can, allow him to interact with children his age and let him watch a few educational cartoons.”

That’s it? And he’ll just magically start talking the way he should?”

“The way he speaks now is perfectly normal Michael…relax. Like I told you, he’ll develop at his own pace. It’s a gradual process but he’ll get there. Soon enough he’ll be talking so much you’ll wonder how he’s finding so many things to say.”

I smiled feeling reassured and she patted my arm. “Are you sure you want to take on this responsibility?” I could see her concern but it didn’t faze me.

“They need a home and I’ve got one…I’m sure.”

She nodded. “If you think it’s the right thing for you then I wish you the best. You can call me anytime with whatever problems you have.”

“Thanks Ana, I appreciate it.”

“I’ll have my receptionist call you for the test results… take care of yourself Michael.”

“You too.” I called out to her departing figure, then pushed the door of the small room open and entered the space.

The first thing I saw was Timmy standing in the center of the room sucking on a lollipop, behind him, Jason was busy stuffing his pockets with as many of the treats as he could and I folded my arms before me and shook my head.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

He spun to face me in surprise, before pulling down his shirt in an attempt to hide his loot.

I sighed. “Put them back.”

“It’s not like she can’t get more. She’s a doctor, she’s got the money.”

“That’s not the point.”

“People who bring their kids here can afford to get them this stuff…they don’t need it for free.”

“That’s not your call to make.”

“I’m not taking all of them…she won’t even know they’re gone.”

“I’ll know…now put them back.”

He glared at me, but stood his ground.

“You can stay there and glare all you want, but you’re not leaving this room with them.”

He shook his head, his expression one of disappointment. “You just don’t understand.”

“I understand perfectly, but just because you can justify something doesn’t make it legal.”

He said nothing and for a minute we both held our ground, firm in our conviction until finally, he relented. I watched him dig into his pockets and pull out the candy, after which he returned them to the jar and turned to me with a frown.

“Is that all of them?” I questioned with a raised brow and he raised his arms.

“You wanna check me?”

I shook my head. “Let’s go.”

I waited for him to take Timmy’s hand, and moved only when they walked past me and out the door.

The trek to the car was a silent one. Once again he failed to understand just where he went wrong and I wondered why it was so hard to teach someone right from wrong.

“Are we still going to the grocery store?” he questioned grudgingly as he strapped Timmy in and I nodded.

“Yeah, close the door.”

We were off.

                                 AUTHOR’S NOTES

ENJOY!

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Chapter 7: Laying the foundation.

Chapter 7

I couldn’t say what it was that woke me that night. Perhaps it was some deep instinctual feeling, or perhaps there had been a creaking of the floor boards from a light footfall…I couldn’t say. But my first and only thought when I did, was that Jason was running away with little Timmy in tow— again.

I knew I should have remained on the couch another night, knew it was ridiculous to trust him to stay after all the hell he’d given me to leave, but like a fool I’d given him the benefit of the doubt. I hopped out of bed, not bothering to pull on more than a pair of boxer-shorts before I skated down the hall and down the stairs as fast as my feet could take me.

The silence was deafening and by the time I reached the closed front door my heart was pounding in my chest. How far had they gotten? What if I was too late? The words entered my mind and the deep-rooted fear that slammed into me at the thought of them disappearing into the night, never to be seen again, stunned me.

When had I become so emotionally involved? Why did the thought of a life without them affect me so much when I’d only known them for a few short days?

 “Michael?”

I froze with my hand on the door knob when I heard my name, then spun to face Jason, who stood across the room in front of the bookshelf. His expression was one of surprise.

I released the breath I’d been unconsciously holding and took a step toward him.

“I thought—”

“That me and Timmy took off.” He surmised and I could only look on at him…my heart still pounding in my chest, as the adrenaline worked its way out of my system.

I took another step toward him. “What’re you doing up so late?”

He shrugged and turned his attention to the bookshelf. “Can’t sleep… I just wanted to look at the books you got.”

 I glanced at my well-stocked shelf. “Yeah? You like to read?”

Another shrug. “I used to read a lot when I was a kid…but I aint done that for years.”

I closed the distance between us and stood by his side inspecting the books I’d passed by every day since I’d moved into the place.

“What type of books do you like?”

Yet another shrug. “The ones that make me laugh I guess…those were my favorites…but I liked this book called Matilda too…it didn’t make me laugh, but I remember I liked it.” He explained with a frown.

I glanced down at his bare feet, then at the pajamas I’d bought him and I felt a strange warmth in my chest…like a mixture of nervousness and…and…something I didn’t want to think about.

When he tilted his head to get a better look at the books on the top shelf, his midnight-black curls fell just below his shoulders, and not for the first time, I wondered how it would feel to run my fingers through them.

Everything about him seemed so delicate. It was a wonder he survived out there in the harsh world—raising a kid on top of it all. I glanced down at his feet again, loving how comfortable he seemed in my home. Looking like a man who belonged here.

I cleared my throat. “Timmy asleep?”

He nodded. “Yeah…and those big raisins you got for him worked real good…he went right to the toilet when he was done eat’n’.”

“Good, they’re called prunes. I’m glad they worked.” I didn’t know what else to say after that. Finding myself speechless was definitely a rare occurrence and I found that I didn’t like the feeling all too well. I shifted from foot to foot.

“I was thinking we could get started on the patio around ten tomorrow morning…that alright for you?”

“Yeah I don’t got a issue with it.” He said, then bit his lip, his focus on the shelf. It was interesting to see just how enthralled he was with them.

I watched as he raised his arm to reach for a book, then froze, glancing my way with wide, cautious eyes. “Is it okay if I maybe look at it…I aint gonna mess it up or nothin’…I just wanna see what it’s about.”

I nodded. “For now you’re living here…you don’t need to ask me…you can use whatever you want.”

He nodded slowly, before he reached for the smallest book on the shelf. It was a science fiction novel I’d bought back when I was a freshman in college.

“You mind if I stay down here and read for a little while?”

“For as long as you stay here, my house is your house…do whatever makes you feel comfortable.”

He looked around the room slowly, as if he wasn’t sure just what to do, then finally he made his way over to the couch and sat.

“Your house is my house?”

“Yeah…you don’t need to ask permission to use anything here.”

“I aint never had my own house before.” he frowned, looking around the room again and I wondered what was floating through his mind. So for once I asked.

“What are you thinking?”

He shrugged. “One day I’m gonna have a house like this. A real one though…for me and Timmy, with a TV and everything.”

I smiled. “I know you will.”

His brows furrowed. “How come?”

“Because if you want something badly enough and you work for it, you’ll get it.”

He nodded slowly. “I aint no slacker. I’m gonna work real hard on your patio.” He assured me and I took in his determined expression.

How did a guy like this really end up on the streets?

When his eyes caught and held mine, I could have sworn he blushed, but the soft lighting made it impossible to tell.

I cleared my throat. “So you’re staying down here for a while?”

He shrugged. “If I turn on the light in the room Timmy will wake up so I’m gonna read down here maybe.”

I nodded. “Alright.” I gestured to the book he still held in his hands. “You’ll like that one.”

“Maybe.”

I turned to go. “Try to get up early. I want to get to work outside as early as possible.”

Another nod. “I was wondering…” he began hesitantly and I glanced back at him. “Could I take Timmy to see the Christmas lights down the street tomorrow night…they have them up at the houses…I saw them and Timmy likes the lights. I made him see some last year.”

I faced him. “Jason I’m not keeping you two here. You’re free to come and go with Timmy. You don’t have to ask my permission.”

He frowned. “But you said—”

“I said I won’t let you live with him on the street. As long as at the end of the night he’s sleeping in a safe home, I don’t have a problem with you two going wherever you want.”

“So I can take him anywhere I want, even if it’s for the whole day

 “This isn’t a prison and he’s your kid.”

“Yeah okay.”

A moment of silence passed between us as our gazes held. Then finally I bid him goodnight.

“Night.” Came his shy reply and God knows I would have stayed down here and kept him company if I didn’t know any better.

I turned and left the room, taking the stairs a step at a time until I was back into my room and in bed.

Sleep was a long time coming.

…………………………….

It was 8:30 am when I ventured down the stairs the next morning—not quite rested, but unable to spend another minute wrapped up in the sheets. I had a lot to get done and after spending half the night with my houseguest on my mind, I needed work to keep me busy and focused.

I glanced into the family room on my way to the kitchen and spotted Jason knocked out on the couch—the book opened face-down on his chest and a dictionary on the floor beside him.

I didn’t hear even a shuffle upstairs, so I assumed his son was still asleep. I flipped on the radio down the hall, set the volume to low and entered the kitchen.

It was definitely easier deciding what to make for breakfast when it was just me here. Now I had to think about my guests and what to serve them. Was it okay to repeat meals? Or did you have to prepare something different the next day?

This domesticated shit just wasn’t for me.

I opened the cupboard and glanced around, cataloging the ingredients and working out what I could make with them. I pulled out a small bag of chocolate chips, then an unopened box of pancakes and set them on the counter.

Everyone loved chocolate chip pancakes. Then I thought of my sister and her adamancy in relation to her kid not having candy for breakfast and I wondered if Jason would hold the same convictions.

I pulled out the container of blueberries I’d picked up at the grocery store the day before.

Blueberry or chocolate pancakes. I looked between the two and decided to make them both. If they had a problem, I’d take them out to eat.

I sighed. This shit wasn’t easy.

“Micha.” I glanced up at the sound of Timmy’s voice and grinned when he entered the kitchen with a fresh-faced Jason half an hour later.

“Morning little guy.” I greeted him and his dimples appeared in full glory when he smiled up at me.

“I made pancakes.” I explained to Jason, who’d been eyeing the food the moment he stepped into the room.

“Here, put these on the table.” I held out the two massive plates of pancake and he released Timmy’s hand to take them.

When Timmy stood there looking up at me expectantly, I handed him a spoon. “Here, you can put this on the table.”

I grabbed the jug orange juice and my cup of coffee and followed slowly behind him as he made his way over to the table.

He handed the spoon to Jason then promptly climbed up onto the chair he’d clearly dubbed as his.

“One plate’s blueberry and one’s chocolate.”

“I never had these kinds before…” Jason confessed and when I gestured to the plates in offering he added one of each to his own plate, cut them both in half and placed the half slices in Timmy’s plate.

Timmy went at it without question, using both his hands to help him stuff his face.

Unlike the day before, breakfast was a quiet affair, but it was a comfortable silence that made the meal all the more enjoyable. Jason went for seconds, Timmy managed to tip his entire cup of orange juice into his plate of pancakes and when he realized they were too soggy to eat, reached across to his father’s plate and helped himself to more.

“Timmy you gotta watch what you’re doing.” Jason scolded and for whatever reason little Timmy looked at me miserably…like I was the bad guy.

I shook my head. I’d never understand kids.

…………………………………………

“Once they’re firmly in the ground, we’ll tie the string on each stake so that it forms a rectangle. That’s when we’ll start digging.”

“So we’re using the strings so we can dig out the right shape?” Jason enquired and I nodded.

We were outside getting ready to prepare the bed of the soil for the patio. I wanted it to be relatively large, which meant it would take a lot of work and with just the two of us at it, it would take a while to complete, but I had the time.

I watched him as he pounded the wooden stake into the soil, making sure he set them in just the right places. I pulled the cap lower over my eyes to block out the glare of the sun, then when I was satisfied with his progress, I began to bring the rest of the equipment from the shed. Every now and then I glanced over at Timmy to make sure he was where he was supposed to be—playing in the grass with his toys.

 I rolled my shoulders, hoping my injury wouldn’t be a problem today. So far I hadn’t felt so much as a twinge as went back and forth with the equipment we’d need for the day and I hoped it stayed that way.

When I set down the shovel, I picked up the other hammer and went to help him out. He’d made good progress so far. We only had three more stakes to hammer in before we could start tying the string, and I got to it.

“That one’s not in line…pull it out and line it up properly.” I instructed when he tried to hammer the next.

I watched as he stood and stretched, flexed his fingers and wiped the sweat from his brow before he knelt to do as I’d told him.

He got it right the second time and I went back to work.

“How come you’re doing a patio?” he questioned as he hammered. “You could do something nice, like a pool or something.”

“I’ll probably do that eventually… but it would be nice to have a place to relax at the end of the day, or to entertain guests.”

“You could relax at a pool too.”

“I guess I could.”

“And you could have some of those adjustable chairs so you could lie down and when you’re sick of that you could just go swim.” He continued. I was pleasantly surprised he was so talkative today.

“You’ve got a point there I guess.”

He stood and looked at me. “You want us to just do a pool instead then? I could just take out all these stakes…it’s cool.”

I laughed. “Preparing the soil for a pool is going to take a lot more work than two men can handle. Especially with my injury.”

He shrugged. “I guess…and you’d have to buy a bunch of other materials. It’s gotta be expensive. Not a lot of people have pools.”

“Maybe one day.”

He nodded, then glanced over at his son who had discarded the hat I’d placed on his head as he drank water from the bottle I’d given him earlier.

When I’d hammered the last stake into the soil, I grabbed the roll of thick string and threw it his way. He caught it before it hit the ground and we unrolled it. I demonstrated to him just how I wanted it to be tied and he followed suit, pulling it around each stake carefully and tying it off properly.

Ten minutes later he was done and he glanced up at me. “Now what?”

 I handed him a mattock and I took the other, before stepping over a stake and into the center of the large rectangle.

“Now we dig.”

“How deep?”

“About five inches should do it.”

He looked at the ground uncertainly. “You start so I know exactly how much.”

So I lifted the mattock at slammed it into the grass, watching as it pulled apart with effort, again and again, in line with the string. Jason watched for a bit before he finally lifted his own tool and started on it.

It was when I raised it slightly off the ground again to slam it into the soil that I heard a car door slam, then the familiar voice of the chief of the bureau calling my name.

I sighed. If there was ever a time that man called before showing up at my doorstep, I couldn’t remember it.

“I’m back here!”

Jason paused, looking from the house to me and back and a moment later, the chief came around the corner.

“You should be resting.” He scolded when he saw the mattock in my hands and I wiped the sweat from my brow with the sleeve of my shirt.

“Too much to do.”

“You keep that up and you’ll see how long you’ll be out of a job.” He continued, then held out the bag he held in his hand. “Your mom wanted me to bring this over. She’s worried you’re not eating.”

“Mom needs to stop worrying about me. Put it in the kitchen and come meet my guests.”

The chief looked at Jason, then back at me. “You make your guests do hard labor in your back yard.”

“Grab a beer while you’re in there.”

 Jason looked uncertainly at me when he turned and entered the house. It was clear he wasn’t exactly a fan of strangers.

“That’s my dad…and my boss.” I assured him and he frowned.

“You work for your own dad?”

I nodded.

“When did you redo the kitchen?” I glanced up when the chief reappeared with three beers in hand.

“Couple weeks ago.” I took the beer he offered, but Jason declined his and I stepped over the string and gestured for him to drop the mattock.

“Dad, this is Jason.” I introduced, then gestured to Timmy, who had realized that we had company and was making his way over to us as quickly as his feet could take him. “And that’s his son Timmy.”

They shook hands, though Jason looked as uncomfortable as a person could be when he did and my dad stooped to Timmy’s level when he came over.

“Hey little man.”

Timmy walked over slowly and I was surprised he wasn’t the least bit shy.

“What’s your name?”

“Have some?” he reached for the beer in my dad’s hand, but he pulled it out of his reach.

“You got an ID?” he questioned the toddler and I grinned when Timmy once again reached for the drink.

“Show me your ID and it’s all yours.”

“Come on Timmy, that’s not yours.” Jason interrupted.

“Trust me son, you don’t want to be drinking at your age.” The chief ruffled his hair and stood.

“Can I get him something to drink from your fridge?”

“You don’t have to ask, go ahead.” I told him and he took Timmy’s hand and led him inside.

“Who is he?”

I took a swing of the beer and went to lean against the wall in the shade.

“Just a guy in a tough spot. I’m helping him out for a while.”

“Oh yeah? And why’d he look like he wanted to bolt the minute he saw me?”

I shrugged. “It’s your face. Maybe you should smile every once in a while.”

The chief was not impressed.

“Relax dad. He’s been living on the street. He had nowhere else to go so I took him in and gave him a job.”

His eyes narrowed. “You have some random guy and his kid living with you? Have you lost your damn mind?”

“Could be.”

“This isn’t a joke Michael. You, more than anyone should understand the dangers of something like this.”

“I do, and I also understand how dangerous it can be living on the street and with a kid no doubt. I’ve got it handled.”

He chuckled humorlessly. “Jesus Mikey, you’ve always been reckless, but this takes the cake.”

I wasn’t in the mood to argue with him so I took another swig of my beer and kept my mouth shut.

“Give me the details.”

I shook my head. “What’s the point of that dad? I already know what you’re going to say and it won’t make a difference.”

He shook his head. “Then do the sensible thing and get rid of them before they make you regret it.”

“Is that it?”

“As a matter—”

He broke off when his phone began to ring and put it to his ear. “Yeah?”

He cursed under his breath and I watched his expression change to one of irritation. “Where is he?”

I took another swig.

“Get Reynolds and Peters in my office. I’m on my way.”

He pocketed the phone and handed me his beer.

“For your own sake, get rid of them.” He cautioned again and turned to go. “And for god sake, rest that shoulder unless you want to end up doing desk work for the rest of your career.”

And like a freak storm, he breezed out the way he came and I was left standing there with two beers and more than an ounce of irritation.

“He doesn’t like me.” I heard Jason issue from the door and I shrugged.

“He doesn’t like anybody.”

“He likes you .”

I stepped away from the tree. “I’m his son, he doesn’t have a choice.”

He shook his head, turning to watch me as I walked past him and into the house. “Maybe you should listen to him.” he suggested seriously.

“Maybe you should get back to work.” I countered and after only brief hesitation and a bit of grumbling he turned to do just that with his son trailing behind him.

I set the beers down on the counter and pulled off my cap to run my head under the kitchen faucet.

The sweat formed a wet path along the column of his neck, trickled down his chest, over his abdomen and further still, until its life was cut short by the cotton pants at his waist.

My focus was smashed to pieces as I watched him, naked from the waist up and sweating in the heat of the sun as he prepared the patio bed. His biceps flexing every time he brought the blade of the mattock to the soil.

I tore my eyes away from him and separated the chunks of grass from the dirt. We’d made some progress in the half day that we’d been out here, but we still had less than half the earth to dig before we could move to the next step.

 Timmy was filthy from his head to his little toes after having decided he wanted to help with the digging and had launched himself into the bed of dirt. He’d discarded his shoes and proceeded to tramp across the earth on his bare feet, and with no other way to keep him occupied, we’d let him.

At the moment he lay on his stomach, drawing circles in the dirt.

“Hey Timmy, you wanna go pick up your toys?” I called over to him and he glanced up at me, his dirty curls falling into his face.

I pointed to the grass across the yard where he’s scattered his toys when we’d began early this morning.

“Go pick them up okay?”

“No.” he replied and I don’t know why I couldn’t help but smile at the adorable way in which he said it.

“Are we done for the day?” Jason questioned and I nodded.

“Yeah, help me put everything in the shed. Then we’ll lay the landscape fabric over the fresh soil.”

“How come?”

“It’ll help prevent weeds from growing out through the gravel when we spread it tomorrow.” I explained, before stepping over the string and gathering the equipment.

We made quick work of it and Timmy was quick to follow, not wanting to be left alone as we moved from the prepared soil, to the shed and back.

“Daddy hungee.” He complained as we went and I decided I’d order some pizza instead of cooking again.

When the soil was covered with fabric, I helped Jason pick up the toys and we headed inside and up the stairs to our respective bathrooms for a quick shower.

Dinner time came and went and we enjoyed pizza and breadsticks, but Jason was too wiped out to take Timmy to see the lights like he wanted. The sun had drained his energy as much as it had mine, so he’d gone up to bed with Timmy much earlier than he usually did.

It was half an hour after they went up, that I finally did as well. It had been too long since I’d done any real strenuous exercise and my body was certainly feeling the effects.

I yawned, making my way to my room, but just as I was about to close the door, I heard Jason’s door squeak open down the hall and not a moment later, little Timmy came padding out—running his hand along the wall as he walked toward the only source of light in the house—my room.

“Aren’t you tired?” I bent to pick him up. His eyes were red where he kept rubbing them, clearly tired, but for whatever reason, he was fighting sleep. I carried him down the hall and deposited him on his feet by the door, then pushed him gently into the room, closing the door behind him.

I didn’t take a single step before he opened it again and stepped out. His little face turned up to me in obvious misery.

“No Timmy, go back to bed.” I whispered, then pointed into the room.

He raised his arms for me to lift him and I shook my head. “Don’t you see daddy sleeping in there? Go keep him company.”

I pushed him back into the room. “Go on.”

He turned right back and I sighed, scooped him up and carried him to the top of the stairs where I sat him down beside me.

What came next was a very long conversation about absolutely nothing, but we chatted like old friends—his gibberish to my sense. There was a point where he mentioned his bunny, then his dad and someone called ‘Fwankie’ and I listened and responded at every pause.

Soon enough his lids began to droop and he fought and fought, rubbing at them until his eyes were red and watery, then finally he fell asleep—head in my lap and one hand trapped in his hair.

I picked him up gently, afraid I’d wake him as I walked, but he remained sleeping in my arms, even when I pushed open the door to his room and deposited him onto the bed beside his father.

It was at that moment that I found myself caught. Caught by the sight of the sleeping Jason, whose face was one of relaxed innocence. Without a thought, I reached down and brushed his curls from his face, loving the feel of them against my palm.

I smiled when they bounced right back into place and froze when his eyes drifted open and he gazed up at me—his sleep-filled eyes, from what I could see from the sheet of moonlight coming in through the windows, assessed me, as his gaze raked over my face.

 I pulled away from him.

“Michael.” he said softly.

                                       AUTHOR’S NOTES

ENJOY!

THANKS FOR READING GUYS!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Chapter 8 : Part One: Tears and Revelations

Chapter 8   Part One

I took a step back and his eyes followed the movement.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” I apologized softly, and for a moment he only watched me with an expression which gave a face to his confusion, before he pushed up into a sitting position.

“What are you doing?”

I didn’t miss the suspicion in his voice nor the narrowing of his eyes as he questioned me and for a split second he glanced at Timmy, before his gaze settled once again on me.

I imagined that this was how the many criminals I’d apprehended felt just before I slapped on the handcuffs—trapped.

“Timmy…I found him in the hallway.” I explained. “I think he was having trouble sleeping so I stayed up with him until he did and brought him back here.”

He glanced once more at his son, this time with a small frown. “I locked the door…I never thought he woulda went and opened it.”

I shrugged. “He’s learning I guess.”

Gone was the suspicion and I found that the expressiveness of his face intrigued me. Reading him was the easiest thing to do and only went to further showcase his innocence.

“Sorry. I keep telling him he’s gotta stay here at night-time. He never used to go anywhere back when he were at home.”

Home … I didn’t know how he could call the piece of barely-standing shack his home, but I smiled to reassure him. “He’s in a new environment. Maybe when he gets used to it, he’ll stay put.”

When he nodded, eyes still planted on my face while offering not a word, I took that as my cue to get out of there and so I bid him goodnight.

“I’ll see you in the morning.” He called out when I reached the door, and with a nod I left.

Lusting after some kid I’d found in the streets. I shook my head. Never in all my life would I have imagined myself in such a position. I was responsible. I was the one who never had any trouble doing the right thing, yet here I was, practically taking advantage of a kid while he slept.

The only problem was; he wasn’t a kid. Lying in the bed across the hall was a man, who, for whatever reason, had my blood boiling and my heart thudding with just a simple look, and despite the very short time that I’d known him, I felt it harder and harder to keep my hand off him.

I wondered if this was how the junkies felt every time they robbed a man just so they could buy their next handful of weed. Or how the gamblers felt just before they bet the last dollar they had in hopes they could win big.

Temptation…addiction. Is that what he was to me now?   

I rubbed a hand over my face and paused at the very top of the staircase. I’d never felt so…invested, in a single person before. Why did it have to be Jason? Why did it have to be someone I had promised to protect? Someone who’d experienced more than his fair share of a shitty life and was looking to me to make it right?

I glanced up when the door to his room creaked open and I was surprised when it was him who came padding out rather than little Timmy. I straightened up immediately and watched him cross the hall warily.

I assumed he would go to the kitchen, maybe for a glass of water…a late night snack even, but he stopped by the railing a few feet away and I watched in confusion as he stood there, his expression pinched with determination and his posture limp with uncertainty.

“Everything alright?” I questioned in the relative darkness of the hallway and for a moment he said nothing, instead continuing to watch me as though he had a lot to say and he didn’t know where to start.

Finally, he took a breath and began. “Not everybody can make it on the street you know.” he explained. I chose to listen, interested to know where this was going. “If you don’t learn quick, then chances are you’ll get killed…or worse.”

The things I’d seen in my line of work attested to the fact that dying was indeed not the worst thing that could happen to a person, and I nodded in agreement—inviting him to go on.

“I aint never been a fool though.” He told me proudly, while he fidgeted with the tail of his shirt. “I learn fast and I’m really good at judging people.” He paused. “Most of the time.”

“That’s good. I’m sure it’s what kept you and Timmy alive out there right?”

He nodded. “Sometimes it’s not easy, but most of the times I can tell about people’s intentions. I can tell when they’re lyin’, or if they wanna hurt me…or if they wanna get with me.” He looked directly into my eyes when he said the last few words and I finally had an idea just what he was getting at and my guilt grew.

 “Look…Jason—” I began, only to be interrupted.

“Sometimes you look at me and I can tell.” He said, then folded his arms before him and regarded me seriously. “You like guys.” He announced simply, yet confidently and in the face of his statement, I saw no point in denying it.

“If you’re worried I’ll try to take advantage of you, or—”

Again he interrupted, lifting his shirt and pointing to one of the few scars that ran across his chest.

“My dad did this with a pair of scissors when he found out about me.” he said and I watched with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, as he ran a finger over the marred flesh.

“He told everybody I fell, but he was lying. He found out I liked guys and he said he had to teach me a lesson.”

I didn’t know what I could say to that and so I said nothing at all.

He pointed to another scar. This one was smaller than the first, but just as appalling. “He gave me this one too.” He continued. “He was using one of his belts on me and the buckle part got me. He told my mom he wanted to beat the faggot outta me.”

“Jesus.” I breathed and he released the shirt, allowing it to cover his skin once more.

“Does your dad know about you?” he questioned me seriously.

I swallowed. “He knows.”

He nodded, as though he’d expected as much. “Can I see your scars?”

It was those five words that did it for me and it was also at that moment that I came to the conclusion that taking him and his son into my home wasn’t a mistake.

My respect for him grew and I found myself looking on at him with knew eyes. How did you go through everything that he did and still find the drive to be responsible? How did you live like he had and still find a way to keep your determination?

He was someone to admire…maybe even look up to and he didn’t even know it.

I shook my head. “I don’t…My father never.” I took a breath. “He’s always been accepting of me. He’s okay with it.”

The information seemed to surprise him. His brows furrowed as he watched me, then finally he nodded slowly.

There was only silence. During which time, the seconds seemed to tick by at a snail’s pace, then he straightened up and looked away. “I’m glad we’re the same.” He said so quietly, it was almost a whisper. “It means I got one less thing to worry about.”

And just like that, he turned and left me standing there in the dark

……………………………

It wasn’t until I was done preparing breakfast the next morning that I saw him again, but no words were spoken about what had transpired the night before. In fact, when I saw him next, he was entering the kitchen with a crying Timmy trailing after him. Father and son seemed to be engaged in a heated argument and I could only watch with interest as it transpired.

“Yeah daddy, look!” Timmy wailed, big fat tears rolling from his beautiful eyes, right down his plump, rosy cheeks.

“No he’s not and I’m done arguing with you.” Jason told him adamantly, before taking a seat on the stool around the counter. His expression mirrored his frustration, but it wasn’t him I felt sorry for, it was little Timmy, who looked as though he he’d already cried an ocean.

“Bunny durty daddy…pease!”

“No.”

“What’s going on?” I questioned Jason, who, for the first time since he’d entered the kitchen, glanced my way.

“He wants to wash the bunny.”

I glanced down at Timmy again in understanding and upon noticing my interest in the situation, Timmy turned to me, holding Bunny up for me to inspect.

“Bunny durty Micha. Timmy haf keen him.” The tears alone threatened to do me in and I looked at Jason.

“Maybe we could just let him wash—” He cut me a look that told me that it wouldn’t be in my best interest to side with his son and I trailed off, looking at Timmy with deep regret.

“Stop crying Timmy. It’s not dirty and I’m not letting you waste people’s water for no reason.”

I assumed I was the ‘people’ in this situation.

Timmy seemed to give up then, and let his little arms fall. His eyes were red and puffy, his nose running and the tears were falling from his eyes in a seemingly never-ending flow. He looked like a child who had the whole world on his shoulders and he couldn’t bear it any longer as he stood bawling in loud hiccupping breaths.

I was at a loss as I watched him, wanting only to gather him up in my arms and give him whatever he wanted, but it was moments like these that would remind me that Timmy was not my kid and I had no right to go against his father’s wishes.

So we watched him until his entire face was red and the veins were practically standing up in his forehead, before Jason let out a sigh and finally hopped off the stool and bent to pick him up. The crying didn’t stop. Timmy merely buried his face in Jason’s neck and let out his sorrow there.

I took a seat on the couch and watched him rub his son’s back, while swaying side to side.

“Alright, show me where you see the dirt.” He offered and his son pulled Bunny up to show him.

When Jason inspected the stuffed toy he shook his head. “But Timmy, there aint nothin’ there.” He told him gently even though the crying had only grown slightly softer.

“Mmf durty!” came his muffled reply.

“Yeah but Michael washed him for you remember? He’s all clean now see? Look?” and he turned the bunny this way and that for Timmy to inspect.

 He shook his head. “Micha…m…keen Bunny pwopy.”

“But he did wash him properly…didn’t you Michael?”

 I cleared my throat, surprised I was being included in the conversation.

I glanced at Jason’s raised, beseeching brows, then at Timmy’s miserable face and nodded quickly. “Yeah… I did. I washed him properly Timmy. I promise. Bunny is really clean.”

“See?” Jason continued gently “When he gets dirty I’ll make you wash him okay? But he’s clean now.”

Timmy’s hiccupping died slowly as he took a good look at his toy and eventually, the tears were reduced to the occasional trickle as he quietened.

“Bunny Keen now?” came his soft question and Jason and I both nodded.

“He is, I promise.”

And that was that, for Timmy stuck this index and forefingers into his mouth and rested his head on his father’s shoulder without another peep.

I breathed a sigh of relief and Jason walked with him to the stool and sat down, patting his back for good measure.

The silence descended for a good minute, before I held up the plate of bacon. “Breakfast?”

“Please.”

And so began the morning.

………………………………………………………..

                                       AUTHOR’ S NOTES

I’VE BEEN BUSY…I’M SORRY.

SINCE IT HAS BEEN SO LONG SINCE THE LAST UPDATE AND EVERYONE’S GOING CRAZY ON ME I DECIDED TO UPLOAD PART ONE OF CHAPTER 8 TO HOLD YOU OVER UNTIL I CAN UPLOAD PART 2 TOMORROW OR SATURDAY. REST ASSURED PART TWO WILL BE POSTED NO LATER THAN SATURDAY SO DON’T WORRY.

IN THE MEANTIME, ENJOY THIS LITTLE BIT AND AS ALWAYS, THANK YOU FOR YOUR NEVER-ENDING SUPPORT <3

Chapter 8- Part Two: When the bottle is in fact half empty.

Chapter 8 Part Two

We spent about an hour after breakfast attempting to teach little Timmy the proper way to enunciate his words. It was an activity I had suggested we do after we’d visited the doctor days before, and which he’d finally agreed to do.

Despite the doctor’s words, however, I was not convinced that the way Timmy spoke was ‘normal’. I’d met many a two year old who spoke full and decipherable sentences and what Timmy spoke—as a child approaching the age of three—was gibberish. Plain and simple.

 As expected though, it didn’t take very long for Timmy to grow bored with the entire ordeal, but it was only when he started making a fuss that we found a way to make a game out of his learning experience.

 And so it continued. Every day we took on the task after breakfast, after which time we worked on the patio under the harsh sunlight, until the days melted into a week, then two. We’d established a routine; the three of us, and I found myself falling into the comfort of it; enjoying the company of my guests, learning about them and from them.

Learning; and when I’d learned a great deal…loving.

 It was on the third week that a shift in our routine occurred and it came the night Jason exited his room with an overnight bag and little Timmy in tow, announcing his intention to spend the night with a friend.

Truthfully, it shouldn’t have affected me the way it did. After all, he had a life too and if he wanted to run off with his kid for a night, who was I to ruin it for him.

But it did affect me. In fact, it made me think about possibilities I had not even considered in a while. Things like him and Timmy disappearing out my front door and never coming back. Things like Jason visiting a long lost lover. Things like the two of them getting hurt when I wasn’t there to protect them and finally, things like; me…going back to the life I’d had before I’d met them.

Three and a half weeks and my life had changed so drastically, that the thought of living any other way scared me. I stared down into the mouth of the half empty beer bottle and frowned.

“You know, frowning at it won’t make it disappear any faster.”

I looked up at the sound of my father’s voice and my frown deepened. So lost was I in my own thoughts, that I’d forgotten we’d been having a conversation.

I took a swig of the bitter liquid and it did nothing to change my mood. It had only been a few hours since they’d left, but I missed my boys and drinking away my sorrows with my father wasn’t making it any easier to deal with.

“I should have let him give me the address before he left.” I mumbled to myself. “Anything could happen and I won’t be there to do a thing about it.”

I caught my father’s slow shake of the head from the corner of my eye. “They were getting by just fine before you stuck your nose in son.” He said. “I think they can manage a single night without you.”

“Yeah, but Timmy left that stupid stuffed bunny, which means he’ll have a hard time sleeping tonight and Jason d—”

“You need to get a grip Michael. This isn’t like you.” My father scolded.

“I think it’s sweet.” I looked up when my mama entered the room; a soft smile of her kind face and I welcomed her touch when she wrapped his small arms around me and planted a kiss on my cheek.

“Aint nothing sweet about it. He’s making those boys turn him inside out. It aint healthy Marie.” Dad interrupted, his eyes following my mother as she crossed the kitchen to open the fridge door.

“It’s good he has someone to care for. I was starting to worry he would never find a nice boy and settle down.”

“It isn’t like that mom.” I interjected and she fixed me with a pointed look.

“I’m serious…they’re just guests.”

“Yeah and you’ve fallen in love with them.”

I started to shake my head, then paused. In some ways I suppose she was right. Somewhere along the way I’d started to care deeply for them both, and while I could see that those feelings were reciprocated by little Timmy, Jason remained unmoved. Three and a half weeks and he sometimes still regarded me with caution, still struggled to open up and kept our conversations to a minimum.

It was a damn shame that it didn’t stop me from feeling the way I did. I did love them…like a man loved his family. They were just the sort of people you couldn’t help loving. But to be in love …in love with Jason? I didn’t know that I would call it that, having never experienced the emotion myself, but I cared about him…maybe more than I should, but god help me, it was there.

I ignored my father’s concerned stare and tipped the bottle to my head, before depositing what was left on the table before me. I’d been with my fair share of guys; One night stands, a few quick minutes in an empty bathroom stall. I’d even tried a few doomed-from-the-start relationships, but no matter how long they lasted or how much I’d come to care for any of them…it had never been like this .

The question that kept popping up into my head was why exactly was it like this? I still didn’t know him…not really. In the weeks he’d lived under my roof, the only real facts I’d learned was that his father was a dick, he’d dropped out of school pretty young and he  was more than a fan of orange juice.  How could you really care for a person whom you knew next to nothing about?

Timmy on the other hand…Timmy I knew. I knew the things that made him laugh and smile; like a good tickle, a funny face and a clean bunny. I knew the things that made him cry; like forcing him to put clothes on, bedtime and when either of us scolded him.

 I also knew the things that made him scared; like being all alone in a dark room, the sound of the vacuum and sitting on the toilet without someone holding his hands. I knew him. I understood him and this knowledge justified how I felt about him.

But Jason? Jason was a mystery. A man who cared more for his son’s comfort than his own. Who raised Timmy with a firm voice and a gentle hand. Whose stubbornness knew no bounds.

Jason, who used a dictionary to teach himself words he didn’t understand while reading. Whose love for books surprisingly surpassed my own. A man who tried to hide the fact that he actually enjoyed working with his hands. Who frowned when he was upset, smiled when he was happy and had yet to laugh in my presence. 

A man who kept his every thought, every feeling bottled up and finally, a man who’d been hurt so many times by the world, yet still had the courage to fight back.

I shook my head. No…I didn’t know him at all, so whatever it was that I was feeling was simply inexplicable.

“What’s going happen to them when the patio’s done?” Dad once again interrupted my thoughts and I glanced up at him. “It’s been weeks in the making; can’t be long now before it’s complete.”

I’d already thought this through of course. “Turns out Jason’s pretty good with cars. Figured I could get him a job down by Uncle Niko’s garage.”

The chief didn’t look impressed. “Yeah? And what’ll happen to the kid when he’s working?” his eyes narrowed. “You’ll be back to work  yourself in two weeks. Whose gonna take care of the boy?”

This…I didn’t have an answer for, but I was confident that Jason trusted me enough now to hear me out on the issue. We’d figure it out.

“You can take him here in the days. I’ll take care of him.” My mom announced from her place by the stove and I glanced at her in surprise.

“You’re willing to take up the responsibility of taking care of a kid you haven’t even met?” I questioned her and she glanced around with a shrug.

“Then take him here to meet me. It’s about time anyway.”

“Now Marie—” Dad began, only to be cut off by my mom’s next words.

“I’ve made up my mind. While you’re off to work, I’m here by myself. A child will be a good way to bring some life into this place.”

I smiled. “Thanks mom…I was actually considering preschool to be honest. He’s talking a little better now, figured maybe he could learn other things.”

“Whatever you think is best dear. Just know that I’m available and willing to help.” She invited and I was grateful for her support.

……………………………………

It was late by the time I stepped out of my parent’s house and into the chilly night air. It was great not having to deal with the twinge I was accustomed to feeling in my shoulder in weather like this. The pain reared its ugly head at the most inopportune times, but for the most part I was back to my usual competent self. It was the very reason I’d been cleared to go back to work in a couple weeks.

I’d be around a desk for a while, but it would be good to be back. When I strapped on the seatbelt and started the car, I made the conscious decision to stop by the grocery store on the way home. Between the patio building, teaching little Timmy and my regular physiotherapy visits, I hadn’t had the time to restock the fridge and pantry.

I shook my head. If the guys could just see my now—grocery shopping on a perfectly good Friday night. I chuckled. How the times had changed.

The grocery store was practically empty tonight, yet somehow, I managed to find myself trapped in a conversation with a woman who explained to me the importance of sanitizing my home and the evils of fried chicken. Then with the cashier guy named Roger who was kind enough to tell me that the brand of orange juice I’d picked up wasn’t exactly the safest to consume, going further still, to recommend the more expensive, environmentally friendly brand…which apparently tasted better anyway.

And who could forget the security guard by the door, who, after checking my bags to make sure I hadn’t inadvertently stolen anything—saw the kiddie nightlight and made it his duty to tell me the story of his own kid’s fear of the dark and how she’d overcome it through sheer bravery and a good talking to.

By the time I got to my car, stashed the bags into the trunk and waited in the long exit line, I was exhausted. I honestly couldn’t say how I managed to unpack the groceries when I got home, pick up all the toys Timmy had strewn about the house, throw in two loads of laundry and still find the time to install the kids-safe toilet seat I’d purchased, in the bathroom so Timmy would stop thinking he was going to fall in—which, to be fair to him, was certainly a possibility.

It wasn’t until the doorbell went off early the next morning, that I realized I’d fallen asleep— boots and all—on the couch the night before.

I could hear Timmy’s voice on the other side before I even pulled the door open and when he saw me standing there, he launched into my arms with a squeal. I scooped him up and ruffled his midnight curls.

“Hey buddy, you missed me?” I asked him and his immediate response was to wrap his tiny arms around my neck.

Jason’s entrance was a bit more subdued. He offered me a shy smile as he closed the door behind him and deposited the bag on the table by the light switch.

“How was your night?” I asked him as we made our way to the family room.

He shrugged. “It was alright. Timmy couldn’t sleep though…I forgot his bunny.” He confessed and I nodded, just as Timmy glanced around at his father with a frown.

“Timmy can haf bunny now?”

I grinned and gestured to the large container by the TV where we stored all his toys. Jason crossed the room, and it was when he bent to lift the lid off the thing that I saw it—the deep red hickey nestled just below his ear.

                           AUTHOR’S NOTES

THERE YOU GO WITH PART 2. HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE LITTLE JOURNEY INTO MICHAEL’S THOUGHTS.

LOOKING FORWARD TO POSTING MORE CHAPTERS. THANKS FOR READING!

DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Chapter 9: My little Picasso

Chapter 9

I didn’t know whether it was the sight of the mark or the fact that Timmy had proceeded to pull on my hair that made me wince, but regardless of the reason, it hurt to see it. I turned away from the sight of him and smiled up at Timmy who was apparently playing hairdresser as he ran his small fingers through my strands.

“What do you wanna eat big guy?” I asked him, the cheerful lilt of my voice was of course forced.

“Maancheese?”

“Here babe.” I didn’t turn around when Jason handed the bunny to Timmy, instead I went to the cupboard where the mac and cheese was stored and pulled open the doors in search of Timmy’s breakfast.

“Looks like we’re out. What about pancakes?” I asked him and as expected he frowned down at me.

“No? Ah…” I opened another cupboard, then another and finally went to the fridge.

“How about waffles?”

“No.”

“But you like waffles.” I reasoned with him but he shook his head and perched bunny on mine.

He was always fussy when it came to food, even more so now that we had him trying different things. I figured now would be good time to make a quick run to the grocery store. God knows I had no idea how I’d managed to forget the mac and cheese last night.

“I hope you aint planning on going out to get him anything. Timmy will eat what’s here.” Jason read my mind and for the life of me, I couldn’t look at him.

To think I’d spent the night worrying about him visiting some long lost lover…it was as though I’d wished it into being.

 “It’s not a problem, I’ll just run out and get it.”

“Micheal you don’t gotta—”

“It’s a quick run to the store Jason, it’s not gonna kill me.” I snapped at him and when I finally turned around, his expression mirrored surprise.

My eyes immediately went to his neck and I looked at Timmy before I could glimpse the mark again.

I walked past him and picked up my keys from the side table.

“We’ll be back soon.”

“You’re taking Timmy with you?”

I turned to him. “Yes, is that a problem?”

He shook his head slowly, looking shy and uncomfortable with his arms folded before him and I felt a twinge of guilt for making him feel that way.

I softened my tone. “You need anything?”

He shook his head and when Timmy waved goodbye to daddy, we were out the door.

………………………

I walked through the aisle pushing a shopping cart despite the fact that I’d gone grocery shopping the night before and unlike last night, the store was practically empty. Before me, Timmy sat in the cart seat eating the banana he’d pretty much begged me to pick up a moment before, while humming an unfamiliar tune.

I reached up to take a bit of lint from his hair, before reaching over to pluck a 12-pack macaroni and cheese from the shelf. Timmy watched it until it was safely deposited into the cart behind him and I grinned despite my mood. Mac and cheese was his great sin.

“Alright, I think we’re done here, what’d do you think buddy?”

“Icee.”

“Oh yeah the cones!” I spun the cart around and made my way to the aisle that held his favorite cones. I could just imagine his displeasure later tonight when he’d once again be expected to eat his ice-cream from a bowl.

I spoiled him, I knew it, Jason knew it and even Timmy knew it. He knew it and he took advantage of it. The little devil. I pulled the banana peel from his hands and rested it in the bed of the cart, then wiped his hands and mouth with the handkerchief I always carried around in my pocket.

“Micha hafto go back.”

I slowed the cart. “Why?”

“(gibberish)… red bunny.”

We’d just passed the kids aisle. I shook my head. “Jason will kill me if I buy you another bunny.”

“Peese.”

It was only the thought of the green bunny I’d bought him a few weeks before, sitting untouched in the toy box that allowed me to stand my ground. He might like seeing the things, but it was only really one bunny that mattered to him.

“We’re going for ice-cream cones remember?”

“Icee cone and red bunny.”

I chose to ignore him as I rolled through the aisles, picked up the box of cones and made a beeline for the cashier before he realized we were leaving.

Once outside, his box of cones in hand, he didn’t make a single mention of the red animal. I strapped him into the car seat and as soon as I got behind the wheel, my mind went back to my current problems.

Jason had gone to visit a lover the night before. He’d left my home to go fuck some guy while I’d sat like a fool worrying about him. I shook my head. It was my own fault for harboring fantasies of some fucking fairytale life.

When had I gone soft?

The entire situation brought to my mind a quote I’d always thought of as a bit ironic “If you’re going be stupid, you might as well be smart about it”  You don’t pull a guy and his kid from the streets and sit up arranging a life with them in your head. It was downright stupid, there was no doubt about it.

It was a shame I still cared for him and God knows it got worse every day I was with him, but it didn’t give me a right to be jealous, or angry. I had no claim on him. If he wanted to go off and fuck the whole world that was his damn problem.

I started the engine and backed out of the parking space. Too bad it was my problem too.

…………………………..

(Later that night)

“Check it out. I picked this up at the store last night.” He handed me the movie I’d been telling him I’d wanted to watch for a while now and I took it in hand, turning it this way and that.

“When you say picked it up…”

“I paid for it, don’t start that shit up again.”

I shrugged and he went on, his eyes traveling over my face as he stuck his hands into the pockets of his sweat pants. “I was thinking maybe we could watch it tonight…when Timmy goes to sleep.”

I handed it back to him. “I’ve got a lot of work to do tonight.”

Turning back to the counter I’d been clearing after the dinner we’d had, I tried to ignore his presence.

“Okay… Maybe some other night then.”

I nodded.

“Is everything okay?”

“Of course.” I threw the soiled hand towel into the bin and turned to exit the kitchen.

“You’re lyin.” He said, following behind me as I went, and I shook my head.

“Is that so?”

“You’ve been acting different all day. All quiet like and you’re never quiet.”

I couldn’t help but smile a little to myself at that. “You saying I talk too much?”

“I’m saying,” I hand came to rest on my shoulder, before he stepped in front of me. “It’s like you’re trynna avoid me. You won’t even look at me.”

So I looked at him and his troubled expression tore at me.

“I’ve just got a lot on my mind, don’t worry about it.”

“You don’t seem to have a lot on your mind when you’re with Timmy.” He accused and once again I shrugged, a habit I’d picked up from him.

“Timmy’s a baby, it doesn’t take much mind power to be with him.”

He frowned and I sighed, running a hand through my hair. “Go put Timmy to bed, he’s practically ready to fall out of the chair.”

We both glanced into the family room where the little guy slept. “Like I said, I’ve got work to do. I’ll be in my study.” I told him and with a trod down the hall and to the right, I entered the study and closed the door behind me.

……………………….

I don’t know how I managed to bury myself in work with so much on my mind, but I did. With a glass of brandy and a stack of files, I’d hopped to it and my mind was blessedly free of all that was Jason…Jason and that damn hickey.

That is, until he stepped into the study an hour later, looking like a man on a mission.

 “If you got a problem with me, you should say it.”

I glanced from him to the file in my hand and shook my head. “Jason, I told you—”

“Stop lyin, what’s your problem?”

I dropped the file and leaned back in my chair. “Look, it’s late—”

“You’re a damn hypocrite, you’re always forcing me to tell you what’s on my mind and here you are being a dick about it.”

I gritted my teeth, my eyes connecting with his and I found myself thinking; What right did he have to be angry?

“Alright, let’s start with where you were last night.”

He hesitated, his eyes narrowing as his brows furrowed. “I told you…I visited one of my friends.”

“A friend?”

He folded his arms in front of him, looking decidedly uncomfortable. “Yeah.”

I smiled without mirth and he shifted from foot to foot as he watched me, no longer able to meet my eyes. I shook my head.

“And you accused me of lying?”

“I aint—”

“What kind of man drags his kid along with him while he goes out to fuck his friend ?”

He flinched. “What are you talking about?”

When I only sat there looking at him, he unfolded his arms and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I never…” he paused “Why is it any of your business anyway?”

I nodded slowly, ran a hand through my hair and stood. He took a step back when I moved to stand before him and still he couldn’t quite meet my eyes. “I guess it’s not.”

 When I stepped around him to get to the door, his next words gave me pause.

“I only went there to break up with him.”

I turned to look at him. “Break up wi…you mean he’s you’re—”

“Boyfriend? Yeah, he was.”

Nothing came to mind, so I chose to listen.

“I borrowed your phone a couple times so we could keep in touch.” He continued. “He wanted me to visit with Timmy. They’re kinda close. We all are.”

“Freddy.”

His eyes widened. “How’d you know his name?”

“You wrote it on that budget you were making once. Guess I’m right.”

“I never went over there to…He’s a good guy. I just wanted to tell him in person and Timmy was missin’ him anyway.”

“Yeah? If he’s such a good guy, why’d you feel the need to break it off?”

This time when his eyes held mine, there was a spark of determination in them. “You know why.”

His words surprised me enough that I had to wonder if I was hearing right. Then I wondered if it was right for me to hope he was saying what I thought he was saying.

“I’m guessing it didn’t go as planned.” I gestured to his neck and he brought a hand up to touch it. Then he blushed and I felt my chest tighten.

“We never…Freddy just got a little…anyway, it doesn’t matter. I put a stop to it and now he’s just my friend.

I nodded. “He clearly has a place to live, why’d he allow you and Timmy to live on the streets?”

“I couldn’t just live with him, it aint his place. His boss owns it and I wouldn’t want to anyway.”

“Why not?”

“Because of what he does…I don’t want Timmy to grow up around that shit. It aint right what he’s gotta do to survive, but sometimes it gets so bad you don’t got a choice no more, you know?”

I raised a brow. “What does he do?”

“He used to live on the streets too. Sometimes when things got real bad he’d turn tricks…now he’s doing it full time…got a pimp any everything. He says he’s happy.”

Prostitution. Jesus. “You’ve never—”

“No. I want my son to look up to me or maybe I just aint never been that desperate.”

“I guess I owe you an apology.”

He smiled and it went straight to his eyes. “You were jealous the whole time.”

It wasn’t a question, so I didn’t bother giving him an answer.  He moved so that we were standing face to face.

“That’s nice.” He said quietly and before I could react, he’d placed a timid kiss on my cheek.

“When did you get so bold?” I questioned in surprise and the shy smile was back.

“You’re the one who said I shouldn’t keep everything bottled up.”

Then he was exiting the room and I let him. My mind reeling.

……………………………………..

The first thing I noticed when I woke up in bed later that night was the glare of the lamp by my bedside. It was particularly noticeable because I distinctly remembered turning it off just before going to sleep. The second thing that caught my eye was the clock on the table which displayed the time.

12: 00 a.m.

Then of course there was Timmy, who stood across the room painting my wall with the water paint I’d purchased for him weeks before. At his feet, the paint had long ago dried where it had clearly spilled and on the wall were the giant swirls he’d painted in brown, green and red.

“Babe what are you doing?’ I questioned, my voice hoarse with sleep and he turned to look at me.

“Cowwowing.” He said simply and just as quickly, turned back to the art he’d made.

“Go to bed.”

“No.” came his quick reply and I smiled.

My little Picasso . I thought before I closed my eyes once more and drifted off to sleep.

The next time I woke it was 2:00 a.m. Timmy was curled into my side, fast asleep. His hands were a mess of dried paint, as were his toes and of course my sheets.

I reached over and switched off the lamp, plunging the bedroom into darkness.

                               AUTHOR’S NOTES

IT’S BEEN A WHILE … I KNOW . I’VE BEEN BUSY . THANKS

FOR UNDERSTANDING.

-ENJOY.

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Mini bonus chapter: One late morning

Bonus Chapter

There were two understandable reasons why the three of us were packed in my bathroom the next morning—One; we were late and two; last night Timmy had wet my bed and by extension…me.

I had managed to grab a shower earlier on and had placed Timmy in the tub, when Jason came in to finish up while I shaved.

I watched them now in the bathroom mirror, while being ever careful of the sharp razor I held between my fingers.

“Gimmie your foot.” Jason was telling Timmy, who held onto his father’s shoulder while presenting him with his right foot.

I continued to watch as the little guy reached back into the water for one of his toys with his free hand and almost slipped as a result.

“Can we just focus on one thing at a time please?” Jason asked him in irritation and I grinned when Timmy sought to argue in his usual gibberish. It was a shame we wouldn’t be able to go through his words with him today. I didn’t like him missing his practice.

I splashed my face and dabbed the towel to dry it, just as Jason lifted his son from the tub and wrapped him into the large white towel which had been hanging on the rack.

“Go get ready, I’ll dress him.” I offered and with a nod, he handed me the wiggly Timmy and left the bathroom.

I stuck my head out the door just in time to say; “Put the sheets in the machine for me.”

“Yeah.” I could hear him scooping up the pee-stained pile I’d dropped in the corner earlier and a moment later, I was left alone with Timmy.

I set him on the bed and ran the towel through his curls while he fought to keep his middle and forefingers in his mouth. When I reached for the clothes Jason had spread out on the naked mattress, Timmy began with his usual protestations.

“No Micha. No cose.”

“You have to put your clothes on, we’re going out remember?”

He shook his head and for a minute I fought with him to get his arm through the armhole, until my actions proved futile.

“Please? Can you put it on for me ?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Cause no cose.”

I shook my head. “That’s not even a sensible argument.” I took hold of his legs and attempted to get the big-boy briefs on and he fought me every step of the way.

“No Micha. No cose!” he all but screamed at me and I scooped it all up and grabbed him too and made my way out the door and down the stairs.

The morning wasn’t going as well as I’d hoped. Though to be fair, I’d been the one who’d all but forgotten Kyle and John’s invitation to spend the day with them on Kyle’s father’s yacht. In fact if Kyle’s hadn’t been Kyle and rung me at an ungodly hour this morning to remind me, I’d have slept the day away. Now we were late and I didn’t think it right to cancel after refusing their first invitation weeks before.

I sat Timmy down buck naked on the kitchen counter while I poured him a bowl of cereal, then transferred him to a seat at the dining table while I finished up in the kitchen.

I grabbed his lunch box, rummaged through the cupboards and pulled out a few of his favorites snacks, grabbed a banana from  the counter, a small bag of grapes and two juice boxes from the fridge and stuffed it all into the lunch box.

Then I crossed the room, passed the eating Timmy in the dining room and retrieved his discarded bag from the living room floor, where I then took up the extra clothes and swim trunks from the couch where Jason had left them when he’d gotten up this morning and stuffed them into the bag. I also grabbed a few toys, his crayons and coloring book and stuffed them into the bag as well.

It was a miracle I managed to find a thing in the place with the way Timmy threw things around. When I next entered the kitchen, I poured the steaming coffee Jason had also put on earlier, into two lidded mugs and closed them.

By the time I opened the front door, as crash sounded from the dining room and I rushed in to see the entire bowl of cereal spilled on the floor and Timmy looking up at me with the guiltiest expression on his sweet face.

I sighed. “It’s alright, it’s not your fault. You want an apple instead?” I asked him and when he nodded, I lifted him from the seat and out of the general space of the spilled breakfast contents and handed him an apple from the counter.

He watched me while I cleaned, and by the time I’d thrown the cereal bits into the bin, Timmy handed the uneaten apple back to me and I was made to cut it up and hand it back to him in a plastic bowl. This time he ate.

“Jason, come on, we’re late!” I called up to him and a moment later I heard his quick footfalls on the stairs.

When he entered the kitchen he shook his head. “I thought you said you’d put some clothes on him.”

“I tried.” I told him with all sincerity before handing him both mugs and Timmy’s lunch box.

Then I ran to the living room and grabbed Timmy’s bag and of course Timmy, then we were finally and thankfully out the door.

Timmy was strapped into his car seat, enjoying the cool breeze on every inch of his naked flesh, while Jason took up residence in the seat beside me up front.  I started the engine, then reached back to pick up the thin blanket we always kept in the car for Timmy.

He raised his bowl of apple slices to allow me to lay the blanket over his lower half and not a moment later we were backing out of the driveway.

Jason propped his feet onto the dash, flipped the radio station and took a sip of his coffee and exactly half an hour later, we were cruising along the highway. Late, but certainly making an effort.

                                     AUTHOR’S NOTES

THOUGHT I’D GIVE YOU A PEEK INTO THE LIVES OF THESE THREE. THIS TAKES PLACE THE VERY NEXT DAY AFTER THE EVENTS IN THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER .

ENJOY.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT.

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Chapter 10: Making waves.

Chapter

His feet propped on the dash was strong evidence of just how much had changed since the first time we’d met. Back then he’d been cautious, distrusting and defensive at every turn. I remembered him huddled in the backseat with Timmy wherever we went.

Uninterested in simple small talk and afraid that at any moment his son would be snatched from his arms. Now, he had no qualms about raiding the refrigerator for a late night snack, leaving his shoes just about everywhere around the house and turning on the TV whenever he felt the drive for some entertainment.

He initiated conversations with me at will and wasn’t afraid to prepare a meal without asking. He’d grown comfortable in my home, I could see that he was happy and even though we had a long ways to go before he completely loosened up. We’d made extraordinary progress.

I smiled at the thought and glanced at him briefly. He was reading another book he’d found on the shelf. This one was a mystery novel I’d bought years before and had never gotten around to reading. Every so often he would glance over to ask me the meaning of a word he didn’t know and like some attention-deprived kid, it brought me a sense of satisfaction every time he did.

I thought of those nights I’d stayed up with him in the family room; me doing paperwork in one couch while he curled up in another reading a novel with a glass of orange juice and a dictionary by his side. His interest in books and his thirst for knowledge was astounding and I thought of what a shame it was that he’d dropped out of school at so young an age.

He could have really made something of his life. In fact, he still could.

I glanced into the rear-view mirror when Timmy laughed and grinned when I saw his amused expression. About an hour before, Jason had set up the portable DVD player and slipped in one of his favorite cartoons. He’d been lost to his own machinations after that.

It hadn’t taken very much for him to adjust to living in a new environment as it had Jason. In fact in a matter of days he’d adapted so well one would have thought he’d spent his whole life in my home. He was a trooper. They both were and I wanted—no I needed it to last.

“What if they left already?” Jason questioned, sticking a finger between the pages to keep his place.

“They haven’t.”

“But we’re a whole hour late. Why would they wait?” 

His eyes were wide with uncertainty as he watched me. “You worry too much.”

“You’re too sure of yourself all the time. One day you’ll be wrong.” He told me with confidence and I could help but grin at his words.

“Maybe, but today won’t be that day.”

He continued to stare as the moments ticked by and I kept my eyes on the road, allowing him his moment. He did this so often, I’d long ago stopped wondering what he was looking for when he did it.

“Maybe you could call them back and make sure.” He continued.

He’d picked up my phone and was twirling it around in his hands. I suppose I could understand his anxiousness. He’d never been on a boat before, and the second I’d told him about this trip his excitement had been obvious.

He was looking forward to it…more than I’d seen him look forward to anything before. It told me just how many experiences he’d missed out on. Big things, simple things… I’d make sure he one day experienced them all. He deserved it.

“Alright, it’s the first number in the call log, just hit call and confirm with them.” I told him and of course he froze.

“Me?”

“Yeah, why not?”

“But…they don’t know me. Why can’t you do it?”

He was shy and it was…cute.

“Because I’m driving.”

From the corner of my eye I could see him biting his lip as he stared down at the screen of my phone. Then he glanced over at me with a sigh. “You’re right…maybe they’re still waiting.” He conceded and when I chuckled he frowned and went back to his book.

We really needed to work on his social skills.

When we pulled up to the parking lot of the pier, the first thing I did upon opening the back door was try to get Timmy into his clothes and with the level of opposition I got from the little devil, you’d think I was forcing him to eat a can of worms. 

“Timmy. Stop it. You got your chance to ride naked all the way here. Now it’s time to get dressed.” And so we fought, until I managed to hold his legs down to force on his underwear and so he kicked and screamed and shouted “No Micha” until Jason stepped in and I thankfully stepped aside.

“Maybe we’ll just have to take him up there like he is. He won’t put them on and they’ve waited long enough.” I suggested to Jason.

“Stand up babe.” He said to Timmy, who straightened up from his position on the seat and stood.

When he attempted to put the shirt over his head though, the kid froze. “No cose daddy.” He whined and I shook my head.

“You have to put it on. Hold still.” He told him and much to my absolute amazement Timmy did as he asked. I watched as he pulled on his son’s clothes without so much as a complaint from the little guy and when he was done, I could only look on in confusion.

I didn’t get it.

“What’s the difference between what you did and what I did?” I asked Jason when we’d unpacked our swim trunks and Timmy’s bags from the car.

When he looked at me he smirked. “The difference is he knows he can get away with shi- stuff when it’s you.”

“So what you’re saying is this is my fault.” I questioned him and he responded with a wiggle of the brow and a wide grin and I could just kiss him.

I glanced down at Timmy at the same time he looked up at me and without pause I grabbed him up and threw him into the air. He landed into my arms with a stream of giggling.

“You taking advantage of me? Huh? Huh?” I tickled him and he wiggled and giggled until Jason reminded me that he’d just eaten breakfast and was likely to throw up if I continued.

I locked up the doors and behind me Jason carried the bags as I walked with Timmy up to the wooden dock to meet up with Kyle and John who were already walking over to greet us. Timmy had since transferred his attention to my hair which he’d developed a habit of playing in recently, which was strange because my hair was as short as I could chop it and still, for whatever reason, it fascinated him.

When I glanced back at Jason I realized he’d slowed down, his gaze fixed on Kyle on John as they approached. I could see the uncertainty in his gaze, something I’d grown accustomed to seeing whenever he had to meet new people.

Timmy was the same way. I could guarantee that when he finally spotted them he’d clam up…just like his father, who, when I glanced back again had his bottom lip trapped between his teeth as he followed me—a nervous habit, I’d learned long ago.

“I can’t believe you’re finally here. It’s been forever!” Kyle exclaimed when he’d reached close enough to hug me and while he did, sandwiched Timmy between us. “You look good Michael.” He offered sincerely.

“You too. You’re looking healthy.”

He beamed. “Johnny’s been taking good care of me.”

I had no doubt. Johnny, or John as the rest of us called him, clapped me on the shoulder when he finally approached.

“Look at you… badass turned family-man overnight. If the guys could see you now.” John chuckled.

“Watch your language Johnny.” Kyle scolded as he tried and failed to get the attention of little Timmy who’d buried his face in my neck.

“Come on Timmy, don’t you want to say hi to John and Kyle?” I asked him but he only mumbled a reply against my skin and tightened his tiny arms around my neck.

“He’s shy.” I explained and Kyle shrugged.

“It’s probably for the best. Kids are usually afraid of me anyway.”  Then he turned his attention to Jason and his face lit up.

“You must be Jason. Wow, you’re even better looking than I pictured. I swear, Michael sucks when it comes to describing people. I love your hair. I used to wish for natural curls when I was a kid. So much so that my dad had to take me to the salon to get it done just to shut me up.” Kyle spoke a mile a minute, then chuckled. “It was a waste of time though. Turns out curls don’t fit me after all.” He finished, then drew Jason in for a hug which surprised him to no end.

“Jesus Kyle, he just got here, give him a break will you?” John addressed his partner, who…as was usually the case, wasn’t fazed one bit by his words.

When Kyle pulled away, that ever present grin still plastered to his face, Jason began hesitantly. “Ah…I…think your hair’s nice the way it is.” He got out and if it were even possible, Kyle’s smile grew.

When Kyle turned to me, his eyes were wide with appreciation. “I like him.” he said and when Jason smiled in return I knew Kyle had won him over.

“I’m John. Nice to meet you.” John offered a hand which Jason shook hesitantly. ““Don’t mind Kyle, he’s just as hyper when he’s eating a bowl of cereal. You’ll get used to it.” He said and Jason nodded, his gaze on Kyle who was once again trying to get Timmy’s attention and failing miserably.

“Let’s head over to the boat…we’ve got breakfast if you’re hungry.” John offered.

“Here, give me your bags.” Kyle offered to Jason who handed them to Kyle, who in turn passed them off to John. Then I watched as he looped his arm through Jason’s and pulled him along with him up the pathway. His chatter was as loud and enthusiastic as it always was and Jason went with him willingly.

Kyle and his personality brought with it a feeling of nostalgia. I forgot just how much I’d enjoyed being in his presence. The ever flamboyant, ever smiling goofball who’d entered our lives quite unexpectedly on an undercover mission from hell.

A mission that had led to him being holed up in a hospital for weeks after being shot. He’d been the glue that had held John together after that. The glue that held us all together really. John, Nate, Riley, Eddie, Simon and the rest of the team. I’d really missed this.

“Come on I’ll fill you in on what you’ve been missing these past few weeks.” John said and I walked with him up the pathway.

………………………………………..

Timmy liked dogs.

No. Timmy loved dogs.

We’d spent the day on the yacht which Kyle had taken us out in earlier in the day. Somewhere in the middle of the ocean with not another boat for miles. The day had turned out to be beautiful. Not a cloud in the sky and a slight breeze on the air. Overall the perfect weather.

We’d eaten breakfast with Kyle and John, Timmy only having a bite or two from our plates since he’d eaten his breakfast in the car. Then, after Kyle had taken us away from the pier, he’d let his two dogs out; puppies really. Those small, furry-looking ones that didn’t really grow very big and Timmy had gone to town.

When he saw them it was love at first sight and we’d all watched in amusement as he ran around with the two fur balls, giggling and playing to his heart’s content. It was only then that he’d started to loosen up around Kyle and John and soon his gibberish could be heard by all.

As the morning had passed and the afternoon blossomed bright and warm, we pulled on our swim trunks, pulled a lifejacket over Timmy’s head and descended into the water on a much smaller boat that had to be inflated before being lowered into the water.

Timmy was fascinated as he sat there, but it was Jason whose face was a mirror of expressions.

He was enthralled, as he leaned over and whirled his hand in the water and even more so when John fired up the motor and we were gliding across the ocean.

I loved seeing him like this; open and excited and when he looked over at me and grinned, I knew that this would be one of those memories that would always stay with me.

When John stopped the motor and we were able to drift peacefully against the waves, Timmy asked to put his hand in and I held him while he leaned over the side of the raft.

“Wader cold Micha.” He told me as he swirled his fingers around and around in the dark blue ocean.

“It’s not really cold though… see.” I splashed it on his forearm.

“He’s literally the most adorable toddler I’ve ever seen.” Kyle commented as he watched him, then he turned to John and by the look on my buddy’s face I could tell just what it was Kyle was about to say to him

Only, the moment he opened his mouth, John reached out and shoved him overboard. I chuckled and Jason watched in surprise as Kyle broke the surface of the water spluttering.

“I can’t believe you just did that!” he shrieked and beside me Timmy giggled.

John shrugged and when Kyle made to swim closer to the raft john started up the engine and steered it away from him.

“Not funny Johnny!” he shouted. His formerly pointed hair was flat against his head and was as dark as I’d ever seen it.

 “Alright come one.” John surrendered with a laugh and when he stood to help him, Kyle pulled him over the edge and John plummeted into the water beside him.

When he broke the surface he was laughing and so the day really began. Moments later I’d climbed over the edge myself and pulled Timmy in with me, who thought of the entire experience as a massive bath time.

Then Jason entered and it was almost sun down before we were making our way back to the yacht.

………………………

“…and this fool ran unarmed up to the guy, and took him down without getting so much as a scratch on him.”

“There’s no way I could’ve let him get away after all we’d gone through to get him. I did what I had to.” I said with a chuckle.

“And if you thought jumping a gun waving maniac was the worst thing he’s done, wait till I tell you about the time we went to Reno.” John continued.

“You’re job’s pretty dangerous huh?” Jason questioned and I glanced at him, noticing for the first time the small frown on his face as he watched me.

I shrugged. “What job isn’t?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah well… When you pledge to protect, shit happens.” I told him and it was only when I turned to take a bite out of my steak that he looked away.

It was night time now and we were still on the boat, sitting under the stars as we ate a late dinner. Timmy lay asleep in the sofa with the dogs and we’d brought out the alcohol and the grill. For an hour John and I had regaled the small group with stories from our past missions and as I listened and told my own, the more I itched to be back out there in the field.

“Well maybe it’s a good thing you’re not working there anymore. That way you get to be safe.”

I took a swallow of the warm liquid before glancing his way. “Once I’m nice and healed up I’ll be right back in the middle of it. It’s what I’ve trained for my whole life.”

His expression was one of surprised displeasure. “But you got shot.”

“I’ll heal.” I told him and when he looked away from me I could suddenly feel the tension in the air.

“Oookay. No more talk about work. What about the patio…how’s that going?” Kyle sought to diffuse the situation and when Jason only shrugged I answered.

“Few more weeks and it’ll be done. Jason’s done a pretty good job on it. I’ll invite you over for a barbeque once it’s good and done.”

“We should all hang out before that…maybe go watch a movie or go on a little road trip. Oh and I could take you to my hair stylist Jason…She’s the best…she’ll cut your hair for you like you want.”

“His hair is fine.” I interjected, not wanting to see those midnight curls I’d grown so accustomed to, gone. When I glanced over at Jason he was watching me with an expression I couldn’t decipher and across from us, Kyle shrugged, then glanced at Timmy.

“I think I’ll go get him some blankets, he looks cold.” He announced, then stood, his gaze on Jason. “Come with me.”

I took another sip of the amber liquid and leaned forward to allow him to pass behind me. When they were gone, John looked at me and I knew what was coming next.

“You sure about this?”

I sighed. “Jesus John, not you too.”

He shrugged. “He’s a good guy, there’s no doubt about it. I just hope you’re sure this is what you want. Taking care of a family’s not easy.”

“It’s what I want.” I told him simply and he nodded.

“Have you told Jason it’s what you want?”

Another sip of the drink. “Not in so many words…but he knows.”

“Not every guy’s like Kyle, Michael.” He said. “Don’t assume he knows, just tell him.”

He was right of course, but with Jason it was tricky. I had to take my time. “I will… eventually.”

Another nod. “He’s a good kid.” He said with a glance at the sleeping Timmy and I couldn’t help but smile.

“He’s the best. You better watch out, looks like Kyle’s ready for a family himself.”

He grinned. “Kyle tends to make decisions in the heat of the moment. Few weeks from now he won’t remember that it even entered his mind for a second.”

“What about you? Aren’t you interested in settling down? Starting a family?”

He shook his head. “I’ve already got Kyle. He’s all the family I need.”

“I hear you.”

“I’m glad to see you’re doing better though. The chief was worried there for a while, but you seem…happy.”

“I am.”

“Then I’m rooting for you man.”

………………………………………..

Jason’s POV

“I think one blanket will be okay. It’s not that cold out.” I told him, but he picked up a bunch of ‘em anyway and pushed past me.

“You can never be too careful…especially with kids. They’re tricky.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

Kyle was really smart, it was no wonder John was all over him. He was smart and funny and he always had the most interesting things to say.

I wasn’t too sure about him at first. Especially when I’d seem him and John on the pier this morning. Back then he’d just looked like one of those stuck up, pretty, rich people who never gave a damn about people like me, but he turned out to be different.

“Did you mean it when you said we could hang out sometime?” I asked him casually.

I made sure I didn’t sound too eager or nothin’ that way he could say no if he really wanted to instead of pretending he did just so he didn’t hurt my feelings. I hated it when people did that.

When he looked at me he grinned and even though I tried not to, I was grinning back too, because Kyle just made you feel that way. Like you mattered.

“Of course and I know all the best spots in town. We could go get dinner, or go skating and we could take Timmy to the amusement park…there’s so much to do, you wouldn’t even imagine. Just have Michael call me up and we’ll do it.”

“Yeah okay. What days do you work?”

He turned to me and grinned. “The good thing about having a filthy rich dad and a loaded boyfriend, is that you don’t have to work.”

“But…don’t you feel… I don’t know…”

“Uncomfortable taking money from people rather than being independent and making my own?” he asked and when I said nothing he continued with a shrug. “I was sensible enough to save all those years when my dad was throwing cash my way. So I’m using it to invest in this private investigation company Johnny and his friends are starting up. So technically… I will be working right?”

I returned his smile and he gave me some of the blankets.

He stopped and turned to me when we reached the exit of the small room below deck. “You know, we can just go get the hair cut tomorrow. I have an appointment for myself anyway.”

“Ah… I think maybe I’ll just keep it like this.”

He titled his head to the side as his eyebrows rose. “But why? You told me earlier that it’s getting too long.”

“I know…I just think that maybe…”

“Maybe what?”

“I think Michael likes it this way.” I told him and I felt my face go all hot.

He grinned.  “Interesting.”

                               

                                        AUTHOR’S NOTES

ENJOY!

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Chapter 11: Communication and a bowl of melted icecream

Chapter 11

It was midnight by the time we stepped through the front door of our own home. In Jason’s arms Timmy was unaware of the world as he slept with his fingers in his mouth. I locked the door behind us as he took him upstairs to bed, before making my way to the laundry room where I emptied Timmy’s bag of all our wet swim trunks into the machine where the sheets from earlier sat clean and damp.

Leaning against the machine as it whirred and vibrated, the events of the day came back to me and I couldn’t help but smile. It had been one of those rare days of absolute relaxation and pure excitement. I’d laughed more in this one day that I had in months and the ever-present smile n Jason’s face throughout the day had made everything about the trip feel ten times better and ten times brighter.

Then of course there was Timmy who had been the busybody we’d all been tasked to keep an eye on. He’d played with the two puppies until they’d grown tired of him and hid, then he’d marked up Kyle’s yacht with his wax crayons and had robbed bits and pieces of food from everyone’s breakfast, lunch and dinner plates. In the open sea, he’d been as comfortable as a fish, as had Jason who, to my surprise was an excellent swimmer.

Good company, good food and a good day. I couldn’t have asked for more. I’d forgotten how much fun it had been to just sit and chat with my closest friends, reminiscing about old times and talking about the future. Even now, the thought of my impending return to work filled me with a heady sense of thrill. Soon everything would be back to the way it was; well everything with a few major changes; my hopefully soon-to-be permanent houseguests. What more could I ask for?

“How come you’re doing laundry so late?”

I glanced up at the sound of Jason’s voice and saw him leaning against the doorframe of the laundry room, watching me with that shy expression I’d long ago grown accustomed to.

“No time like the present right?”

He shrugged. “Aren’t you tired?”

“I’m wide awake actually. Timmy nice and tucked in?”

He nodded, then bit his lip briefly before stuffing his hands into his pockets. “I’m not really tired either really.”

I only raised a brow in question. Knowing that he was hedging. I now knew him well enough to know when he was beating around the bush, most likely wanting to ask me something, but hoping I’d magically pick his brain and offer an answer.

I folded my arms before me and waited and as a staring contest ensued between us, he finally blushed and looked away. I watched as he ran his finger over the wooden frame; as though there was suddenly something about the wood that fascinated him.

Still I said nothing. He needed to learn to ask for what he wanted and to lose the shyness when he was in my presence. After all I didn’t bite. Not really.

“Do you want to maybe watch a movie maybe?” he asked finally. “…since you’re not tired like you said. Or if you’re gonna go do work, that’s cool, we could maybe watch some other day…or night or whatever…”

He was rambling and it was adorable and when he caught my smile he blushed red.

“I could do with a movie. What’d you have in mind?”

I wondered briefly why he seemed so surprised by my words. His expression was one of such surprise that I wondered if he’d expected me to say no even as he asked.

“Ah…ahmm.. we could watch that movie I got…remember the one you said you wanted to watch?”

I nodded. “Sounds good.”

And he was gone. I could hear his bare feet on the stairs as he ran up to his room to retrieve the DVD and I pushed off the washer and made my way to the family room, where I flipped on the TV and after kicking off my shoes, flopped down onto the long couch.

Just as I reached up and turned out to lights Jason reappeared, DVD in hand and I watched as he stuck it into the player and grabbed a seat in a chair at the opposite end of the room.

I shook my head. He really knew how to make things difficult for us both.

“Hey Jace.” I called softly and he looked at me for the first time since entering the room.

“I think this couch is big enough for both of us, don’t you?”

He looked at the couch then looked at me, then with a quick nod, he was out of his seat and onto mine, sitting as far away from me as possible on one end of the couch, but at least it was progress.

As the opening credits flash across the screen, he glanced my way again, then very softly said; “I really like your friends.”

“Good. I knew you would.”

He nodded. “Yeah especially Kyle; he’s pretty cool…and smart…and-”

“Sounds like love. You better be careful John doesn’t hunt you down by the time the night’s over.”

He grinned. “No. Kyle aint my type. I’m just saying he’s cool. I aint never met anyone like him before.”

“Yeah there aren’t many Kyle’s around, that’s for sure.”

Another nod.

“You never told me you had a type.” I added and I was pretty sure that if the light was on I’d see that he was blushing.

“It never came up.”

“Until now…” I hedged and when he looked at me; those beautiful eyes looking like sin, I wanted to reach over and pull him toward me.

“Yeah…until now…” he repeated, clearly at a loss for words.

“So what’s your type?”

This time he tucked his bare feet under him as though getting comfortable in his little corner, but his fingers twisting together in his lap told me he was anything but.

“I don’t know…really smart so they can tell me stuff.”

I raised a brow and his fidgeting grew. “That’s it?”

“And… brave and…and smart.” He said again and when I laughed he only stared.

“But Kyle’s smart and brave. Why can’t he be your type?” I questioned with a grin. I could practically feel his shyness…or was it embarrassment?

“Yeah, but… Kyle aint…“he trailed off.

“He isn’t what?”

He shrugged. “He’s just…He’s not-”

“Me?” I interjected.

“Yeah.” he seemed relieved to finally have an answer, then when he realized what he’d admitted to, I didn’t need the light to see how red he’d gotten.

“You’re makin’ fun of me.” he said when I only smiled and I shook my head.

“I’m not. I’m just forcing you to open up for once.”

When he didn’t reply, but focused his attention on the movie which had finally begun, I used the remote to pause it. When he glanced my way again, it was with a frown.

“Tell me what about me makes me your type.”

He hesitated. “Why?”

“I’m curious.”

He glanced back at the TV screen and I could see his discomfort. “I don’t like talking about this kinda stuff.” He mumbled.

“I know, but then you don’t seem to like talking about anything really.” I told him honestly and he shrugged.

“It’s just who I am.”

“You want to know what my type is? Or do you want to get back to the movie?”

“He glanced my way “No, you can tell me if you want.”

I thought about it for a moment, not in the least surprised by his answer.

“I like men who are beautiful…just like you.”

He shook his head. “I aint beautiful.”

“I like men who are smart…just like you.”

“You know I aint smart.”

“I also like men who are responsible, willing to put those they care about above themselves and passionate…just like you.”

This time he didn’t dispute my words and when I shifted closer, he looked up in surprise. “You want to know what else I like?”

He shook his head. “I like men who know what they want.” I told him softly. “Do you know what you want Jason?”

This time his eyes met mine. “Of course I know what I want.”

“Then tell me.” I urged him. “Tell me what you want.”

He shook his head. “I can’t.”

When I shifted closer he started fidgeting with his hands again, but at least he kept his gaze locked with mine.

“Why not?”

“Because…maybe I just don’t know what I want then…I guess I aint really your type.”

“No, I think you know exactly what you want.”

I reached up to turn on the lights and he blinked in surprise. As expected his face was beet red and when he reached over to turn it off again I took hold of his hands.

“You don’t have to be shy with me you know.”

“I aint shy. I just don’t like talking too much.”

“Yeah, because you’re shy.” I teased.

“Can we turn off the light now?” he replied instead.

“I don’t think so.” I cupped my hand behind his neck and slowly, I lowered my face to his, by then he stopped all fidgeting and when our lips met for the first time, he sighed. They were as soft and supple as I’d expected and I was careful and patient as I tested the waters. I didn’t deepen the kiss, instead I brushed my own over his, slowly…carefully, before I drew back.

I watched his face as I did. His eyes, which had drifted shut, opened slowly and when he realized I was watching him, he bit his lip. I leaned in again, wanting to feel him pressed against me, but froze when I spotted the hickey that had pissed me off only a day before and I pulled away.

It still pissed me off to see it. Despite the reason he’d given for its existence, it didn’t change the fact that it was there and it didn’t feel right to kiss a man who still walked around with a mark some other guy had given him.

I watched as Jason’s hand went to his neck, as though he’d realized why I’d pulled away.

“It’s…” he began. “I can get rid of it. This girl I used to know…she just used hot water and a comb and scrubbed it and it just about went away.” He explained quickly.

“Don’t worry about it.” I told him, before turning away and picking up the remote again. When I clicked play, Jason reached up without a word and turned out the light.

I glanced at the wall clock when I woke up. It was 3:16am and I was still sprawled on the couch. I wasn’t sure exactly when the movie had ended, but when I looked at the screen, it was back to the start menu. I flipped it off and stretched with a yawn, then glanced to my right, where Jason was curled in deep sleep.

I pushed up from the couch, crossed the room and padded down the hall, where I flipped on the switch in the laundry room. The machine must have stopped hours ago and inside it, the clothes and sheets still lay damp.

I quickly transferred them into the dryer, turned it on and headed back out to the family room.  I couldn’t remember when I’d fallen asleep. Hell, I couldn’t even remember much about the movie we’d watched. What I remembered though, was the short kiss I’d shared with Jason and how abruptly I’d ended the moment. 

I also remembered the silence that had descended between us when Jason had flipped off the light and how I’d been unable to focus on anything but the feel of his body heat next to me. Beyond that, my mind was a blank, which wasn’t much of a surprise, After all, we’d had a long day. Even now, as I shook him awake, I felt dead on my feet.

“Jason.” I shook him gently.

“Hmm?”

“Go on up to bed.” I told him and he rolled out of the chair, looking disoriented and probably half asleep as he did what I asked.

I stood there until I heard the door of his room open and close, before I lowered myself back into the couch to wait for the dryer to stop. One again, I couldn’t say exactly when I fell asleep.

………………………….

“Alright now say Lows .”

“Lows.”

“Good, now say clothes “

“Cose.” It was a losing battle with little Timmy this morning as I tried to help him pronounce his words. Some days were better than others.

“Okay, say CL .”

“CL.”

“And say CL-othes .”

“CL-othes.”

“Good boy Timmy. Now say clothes. “

“Cose.”

I took a breath. “Alright, let’s try another word. Ahm…how about Oatmeal .”

“No omee.” He fussed.

“I’m not giving you oatmeal. I just want you to say the word oatmeal “

“Omee.”

“Okay, say Oat .”

“Oat.”

“Nice, now say meal .”

“Meal.”

“Now say Oatmeal .”

“Omee.”

Yes today was definitely one of those days. For the thirty minutes I’d sat here with him, he hadn’t learned how to pronounce a single word properly. I was sure he’d start to fuss in a few minutes. There was only for so much time that I could hold his attention.

“What about ice-cream . You love ice-cream.”

“Timmy have icee?”

“Yeah, but first can you say ice ?”

“Ice.”

“Now say Cream .”

“Cwee.”

“No creammm .”

“Cweammm.”

Good, now say Ice-cream .“

“Icee.”

“No ice-cream .”

“Ice-cweam.”

I sighed. “Close enough. Good try babe, come on let’s get you some ice-cream.” I pulled him up and when he took my hand I led him into the kitchen and sat him on the counter where he waited patiently for me to pull out the ice-cream container and fill his cone with the cold treat.

 When I was done, I set him down to stand on the floor again, before handing him to cone.

It was late afternoon. I’d woken up on the couch pretty late this morning, to the sound of Jason working on the patio outside and Timmy having his breakfast cereal on the chair beside me. 

I hadn’t had a chance to talk to him about what had transpired the night before. In fact, I’d only really caught a glimpse of him outside this morning, before Timmy had decided I needed to play with him. It was only half an hour ago that I’d finally gotten him to leave the toys for a while and pronounce his words.

 I rummaged through the fridge and Timmy followed me from the fridge to the counter and back, as I gathered lunch ingredients.

Already there was a sprinkling of chocolate ice-cream all over the kitchen floor as the thing melted, so I wrapped a hand towel around his cone before handing it back to him.

“You want to go back to pronouncing your words when you finish your ice-cream?” I questioned him as I put together a couple turkey sandwiches for lunch.

“No.”

“No? Not even for me?”

“No Micha, Timmy haf seep.”

“Sleep.” I corrected, but he only nodded.

“Are you tired?”

“No.” he shook his head, dispersing the cream across his cheek.

“Then why do you need to sleep?”

“Here.” He held out the dripping ice-cream to me and I took it. “Timmy dirty now.”

When I re-wrapped the cone with a fresh hand towel, he took it from me.

“Fuck!” we both glanced up at the sound of Jason’s curse.

“Fu-”

I covered Timmy’s mouth before he could get the rest of the word out, then pointed to the ice-cream in his hands, before uncovering it. “Eat it before it melts.” I told him.

Some words he didn’t need to learn how to pronounce.

I strode across the room and opened the back door to see Jason flashing his hand, a string of low curses falling from his lips.

“You alright?”

He turned to look at me, before he glanced back down at his hand and flexed his fingers.

“I accidentally hit my thumb with that damn hammer.” He explained miserably.

“Maybe you should just take a break.” I told him. “You’ve been at it all day.”

He looked at his thumb again, turning it this way and that, before he bent to pick up the hammer which had fallen at his feet and deposited it into the tool box by the shed.

“I think I gotta ice it.” He said seriously as he walked over to where I stood and it was just as he was about to pass by me to head inside that I saw it- a nasty bruise running across the neck.

I stopped him with a hand to the shoulder, then without thinking, titled his head so I could inspect it.

“What the hell happened to your neck?”

He shrugged, before pulling away from me. “I was trying to get rid of the mark.” He explained and for a second I didn’t have a clue what he meant, until the previous night drifting back to me.

That damn hickey.

“Jesus Jason, I told you to forget about it.”

“I told you I saw someone get rid of it before.”

“Well clearly you did something wrong.” I said, reaching out to tilt his head again for further inspection. The side of his neck was lined with large red welts and had already started swelling.“

“Maybe you should ice your neck too.” I advised him when he pulled away from me again and I followed him inside.

“Why’d you give him ice-cream so early?” he questioned when he saw Timmy standing by the chair at the counter; a dripping mess of chocolate ice-cream.

“One time won’t kill him.” I said by way of explanation.

When he went to wash his hands at the sink, I pulled out the ice tray, grabbed a plastic bag and a bowl and dumped the ice into them both.

“Hand in the bowl and the bag on your neck.” I instructed when he sat down before it and he did as I asked without question.

When he dropped his head onto the counter with the bag resting against his neck, I went back to fixing the sandwiches.

“You hungry?”

“Nah.”

“What did you eat this morning?”

“Nothing… but I’m not hungry.” He mumbled back and I grabbed a plate from the cupboard, deposited one of the sandwiches onto it, then poured a tall glass of orange juice and placed them onto the counter before him.

When he glanced up and saw it he frowned, mumbled a quick thanks and started in on the meal like a man starving.

“You done Timmy?” I question the little guy who was more focused on poking holes into the cream than he was with eating it and when he handed it to me, I dropped it into the bin, lifted him up to the sink and helped him wash his hands and face.

When I set him down again he ran from the kitchen and into the family room and I sat around the counter to start in on my own sandwich.

“One more week and your patio will be done.”

I glanced out the window. “Just one? I figured it would take at least two more.”

He shook his head. “If I keep working at it every day I won’t need two weeks.” He explained and I nodded.

“It looks pretty damn good. You’ve done a great job.”

He shrugged. As usual, unable to take a compliment.

“I figure I’ve got a good amount saved up by now. I could get me and Timmy a place no problem and I got enough to pay rent for a good while ’till I find another job.”

I should have expected this.

“So you’d leave. Just like that?” I questioned and he couldn’t quite meet my gaze. I watched as he hiked the bag higher against his neck.

“That’s what we said right? That I could leave when I got enough to take care of us.”

Suddenly I didn’t the appetite to finish the sandwich and I pushed the plate away from me.

“And you’re ready to leave?”

He shrugged. “That’s what we agreed.” He repeated.

“That’s not what I’m asking you.” I began. “Are you ready to leave?”

Another one of those annoying shrugs. “I don’t know.”

I took a sip of my own orange juice. “I’ve got another job lined up for you if you want it.” I told him. “The pay is good.”

“You got another patio to build?” he questioned with a small smile and I returned it slowly.

“I know a guy who owns a garage. He’s looking for a mechanic and since you’re good with cars…” I trailed off, allowing him to accept or decline in his own time.

“I’d get to work on cars?” he questioned and I was relieved at the spark of excitement I saw in his eyes.

“Yup, that’s the job description.”

“Wow…that sounds…” he paused. “Would I get to bring Timmy there with me every day?”

I shook my head. “It’s no place for a kid Jason.”

“Then what?” he shifted the bag on his neck slightly. “If I find a place-”

“And that’s what I’m saying. You won’t need to find another place. You’re welcome to stay here.”

“So you’d take care of him?”

“Unfortunately no, I’ll be back at work in about two weeks, but we could enroll him in a preschool…or he could stay with my mother in the days when we’re both at work. She loves kids, it won’t be a problem.”

“For how long?”

“How long what?”

“For how long would we get to stay here?” he questioned, his eyes tight with uncertainty.

“Why does there have to be a limit?”

He lowered the bag and simply stared at me, brows furrowed and his mouth turned down into a frown.

“It aint like we can stay here forever.”

“Why not?”

“Because….” He trailed off and I could see the internal battle he was having with himself as he processed my words. “It just wouldn’t be right.” He concluded.

“Why not?”

“Because this is your place and…what if you get tired of us or…or you find somebody you like and you want to bring them home with you to live?”

“I won’t.”

He shook his head, unwilling to accept my answers. “But how do you know?”

“Because I know exactly what I want.” I told him firmly. “I want you both to stay here…for as long as you want or for the rest of your lives…which ever works for you.” I said honestly.

“But why? You don’t even really know us…not really.”

When he drop the bag into the bowl with the rest of the ice, I caught sight of the bruises on his neck. Bruises he’d inflicted on himself as he’d tried to scrub away a hickey, just so I wouldn’t have to see it again.

I shook my head. He was something else.

I looked up and when our eyes met, he blushed.

“I know enough.”

                                                              AUTHOR'S NOTES

THANKS FOR READING!

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Chapter 12: Two truths, one lie

Chapter 12

“I noticed you don’t talk about Timmy’s mother.” I commented when he’d taken his last sip of orange juice and he shrugged.

“Aint nothing to talk about.”

I watched him twirl the ice around and around in his glass. “What was she like?”

Another shrug. “I don’t know…loud I guess.”

“Were you two close?”

“No I hardly even knew her.”

I continued to watch him, taking in the bruises on his neck, the slight crease of his brow and his small frown as he twirled the melting ice. It was clear he wasn’t interested in talking about her, but then he was never really interested in talking about anything, so I kept the questions going.

“You two had a kid together, there must be something you can tell me.”

“Why does it matter?” he was glaring at me now, his mouth turned down into a frown and I looked him dead in the eyes.

“Is it a crime that I just want to learn more about you?”

He shrugged before setting the glass on the counter. “You should know, you’re the cop.”

I smiled despite myself and reached over to pull on a strand of his hair. This time when he looked at me, it was with that same shy smile I’d long ago grown accustomed to.

“At one point, she lived on the street.” He began softly and I watched him as he knotted his hands together on the counter, his gaze having already gone back to his glass. “I helped her get away from this asshole once and we were friends for a while.”

“So you were close.” I surmised and once again he shrugged.

“She was cool and tough and loud.” He continued “But she was my friend.”

“Did you love her?”

He glanced up at me then with a small frown. “You wanna know how come I had a kid with her if I like men right?”

“No, not at all…I’m just—”

“We got drunk… I hardly remember that night. She wasn’t really excited about having a kid though. When Timmy was born she…” he trailed off. “Now she’s dead and I don’t like to think about her.”

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

Another shrug.

“What will you tell Timmy?”

“What do you mean?” his brows were creased in confusion as he watched me and when he reached over to fidget with the glass again, I took it up and placed it into the sink.

“He’ll ask about her when he’s older. What will you tell him?”

“The truth.” Was all he said and when I handed him the bag of ice he set it against his neck once more.

He looked depressed now I thought and I felt a twinge of regret for bringing her up, but he never talked unless I hammered it out of him.

“That’s good… he should know.”

He nodded and while I watched him I asked the question I probably shouldn’t broach…especially not so soon. “And what will you tell him when he asks why he has two fathers?”

He looked up at me, the shock clear on his face and his brows furrowed. “Who says he’s gonna have two fathers?”

This time it was my turn to shrug and when I did, his eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Well it’s no secret you’re gay…one day if you do decide to get into a permanent relationship with someone, it’ll be a guy right?”

Slowly, his brows smoothed and soon he was nodding slowly. All suspicion and surprise was wiped clean from his face and in its place lay uncertainty. “I guess.”

“How would you explain it to him?”

He returned the ice bag to the bowl and rotated his neck, wincing a little when I reached over to touch the bruise.

“I’d tell him I’m gay and that it’s okay to have two dads because shit like that just doesn’t matter. How you feel is what matters…” he trailed off, then lifted his eyes to mine and I could see the well of emotion in them as he looked at me. “Right?” he questioned, for once looking for my approval and I nodded.

“Exactly.”

“What would you tell him… I mean if you had a kid…what would you say?”

I smiled. “I wouldn’t have to say anything…I think you’d have it covered.”

This time he became so flushed that even his ears turned red and when he propped his elbows on the counter and dropped his face into his hands I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Relax Jace.”

“You can’t say stuff like that.” he mumbled and I pulled on one of his curls.

“Why not?”

“Because…you just can’t” he argued and this time when I chuckled, he moved his hands away from his face and looked over at me with a small frown.

“I won’t beat around the bush…you know that.” I said just as Timmy came running into the room.

“Hey slow down babe, what’s wrong?” I questioned when he came to a stop by Jason’s legs and pulled at his father’s pants.

“What’s wrong?” Jason asked him and Timmy turned and pointed in the direction he’d just come.

“A pider haf bunny daddy.” He complained and when Jason made a move to get up I waved him back down.

“Keep icing your thumb.” I told him and Tommy grabbed hold of my fingers when I meant to walk past him and into the family room.

“Where’s the spider?”

“Haf bunny.” He said miserably.

“You wanna tell me that in a full sentence?” I asked him and he shook his head.

“No.” and pointed in to direction of the TV where Bunny lay on his back with a daddy long legs perched on his ear.

“This one won’t hurt you though Timmy. He’s harmless see?” I bent to enclose the arachnid in my palm and as soon as I showed it to him, he pulled away from me and stepped back.

“Don’t do that. You’ll make him think all spiders are safe and he’ll go get himself bit.” Jason announced from the door way.

I glanced down at the thing, walking across my palm, then at Timmy. “You’re right.” I submitted, before moving across the room to open a window to throw the spider out.

When I tried to hand bunny to Timmy; without touching it, he inspected the stuffed toy carefully, before finally reaching over and taking it from me. Afterwards it was as though we weren’t even there. He ran to the couch with bunny wrapped in his arms and climbed up. When he turned his attention to the TV, not another sound came from his lips.

“Shouldn’t you be taking care of the mess you made of yourself.” I questioned Jason and he none too politely gave me the finger before he turned away and reentered the kitchen.

“I think I can manage now. I’m gonna get back to work.” He told me as he went.

“You can do it tomorrow, the patio isn’t going anywhere.”

He shrugged. “But still, I wanna get it done. The day’s just wasting and—”

“It can wait.” I told him. “Sit, I’d like to talk to you for once.”

He watched me as I went to retake my seat around the counter, then with a sigh, he sat. “We talk all the time.”

I pushed the bowl back to him and he dipped his hand in. “You mean all the times when I talk and you just grunt in answer? Yeah I don’t think so.”

He shrugged. “I’m not good at talking.”

“Practice makes perfect.”

“Hmmm.” He issued.

“Why don’t you like talking? Why are you so against it?”

He raised his injured thumb out of the melting ice and inspected it. “I always say the wrong things.”

“Nobody’s judging you Jason. You can say whatever you want.”

“Uhuh.”

He was stubborn…sometimes to the point where I wanted to reach out an shake him and other times, like now when I just wanted to kiss his pouting lips.

“Alright, let’s play a game.”

He glanced up at me then, clearly intrigued. “ It’s called two truths, one lie. “

“Okay.” This time he abandoned all pretense of interest in the bowl and gave me his undivided attention.

“Essentially, we’ll each tell two truths about ourselves and one lie and the other person will have to guess which one’s the lie.”

“And then what?”

“Then nothing…if you can guess the lie, you’ve won the round.”

“Okay.” He smiled. “You first.”

“Alright… One: when I was twelve, I was banned from the local zoo because I let some monkeys out of their cages.” He grinned at that one. “Two: I wrote a book that I never published.” I continued. “Three: My favorite color is red.”

He grinned. “This is easy…The lie is number one.”

I laughed. “Nope…That actually happened and my dad almost killed me for it. The lie is number three. I don’t have a favorite color.”

“Wow, that’s…you were a wild kid huh?”

“At the time I thought the monkeys looked miserable. I wanted them to be happy and the zoo keepers were negligent anyway…that particular cage wasn’t chained.”

“So you wrote a book. What kind?”

I shook my head. Only Jason would hear that I’d freed monkeys from a zoo and be more interested in the story of the book I wrote.

“Mystery.” I told him. “I wrote it back in college. I still have it so you can read it if you want, but I can’t guarantee it’s any good.”

“I bet it is. I definitely want to read it.”

His excitement was contagious. “Then I’ll give it to you later…I think it’s your turn.”

He nodded. “I can’t even think of anything.” He said and when I raised a brow, he rolled his eyes. “Okay okay… One: I went on a plane once.” He began and paused for a moment to think of the next one. By the time I guessed he’d come up with it, he was as red as a tomato. “Two: I liked kissing you last night.” He said shyly and it made my day. “And three: I’m really sorry about the hickey.”

I could only imagine how ridiculous I looked sitting there with a grin on my face. “The lie is number one.” I said with certainty and he nodded.

“We’ll sort out your and Timmy’s passports and I’ll take you to the Caribbean this summer.” I promised and I ignored his shaking head. “I think it’s my turn.”

“One: I liked kissing you too and I’d like to do it again.” He bit his lip. “I’m sorry about the way I reacted last night. I had no right.” I continued. “And three… I

don’t

think I’m falling in love with you and your son.“

He had looked away from me and was shaking his head. “I don’t know which one’s the lie.”

“You do.”

“No…I… it could be anyone of them.”

“Then I’ll tell you.” I said seriously, then remained silent until he had no choice but to look at me. “I really did enjoy kissing you and yes I do want to do it again and again.” I said. “Look at me Jason.” I told him when he glanced away again and when he did, I continued. “I really am sorry about how I reacted and I—”

“Okay.” He held up his hands. “I get it…I know which one’s the lie, you don’t have to say it.”

I took hold of his good hand and he looked down at them. “I’ll tell you anyway…just so we’re clear.” I said. “I lied when I said I don’t think I’m in love. The truth is, I haven’t known either of you very long, but you and Timmy mean everything to me. I can’t help it and whether or not you want to hear it, it’s the truth. I love you…both of you.”

When I’d gotten out of bed this morning I didn’t think those words would have come out of my mouth, but now that I’d said them, the more certain I was of what I was feeling. My mom was right. It didn’t matter how long you’d known a person, or how well you got along; a feeling was a feeling and if you felt it then it must be real.

I watched him continue to stare at our joined hands. I couldn’t read his expression, but when I squeezed his to get his attention, he finally looked up at me and I was surprised at how miserable he looked.

“You shouldn’t say stuff like that to me.”

I didn’t understand. “I shouldn’t tell you that I care about you? That I care about Timmy?” I questioned and he only shook his head…his obvious misery throwing me for a loop. “Why not?”

He shrugged.

“No Jason, really…why not? If it’s because you don’t feel the same way, it’s okay, it doesn’t matter. Trust me, I know I’m moving too fast, but I can wait for as long as I have to.”

“You’ll make me get comfortable. You’ll make us get happy and then one day you’ll change your mind.” He accused, this time with a frown and I wondered if the surprise was evident in my expression.

“It doesn’t work that way Jace…when you’re in love—”

“Don’t be stupid Michael, you aint in love, you only think you are, but you’re not.”

It surprised me just how pissed his words made me. “Don’t tell me what I feel.”

He pulled his hand from mine and stood. “I’m going to go work on the patio.” He said simply.

“Would you just forget about the damn patio?” when I realized I’d raised my voice I sought to moderate my tone. “I just told you something I’ve never said to anyone in my life and your response is that you need to work?”

“Because you don’t know what you’re saying.”

I gritted my teeth, glaring at him as he glared at me. “You don’t know what I’m feeling.”

“That’s your problem Michael… you think you know everything, but you really don’t. You don’t understand—”

“Fine, I don’t love you!”

He winced, “I know.” he said softly and I felt like hitting something.

“Why can you believe the lie and not the truth? Why is this so hard for you?”

When he shook his head and moved away from the counter, with every intention to go through the back door I blocked his path.

“Because it’ll hurt when you change your mind!” he shouted and I did the only thing I could; I grabbed him, pulled him towards me and kissed him.

There was no gentleness as there had been the night before. Instead it was rough and demanding and for a moment he struggled to free himself, but just as quickly he went limp in my arms and his hands twisted in my shirt as he held on tight, and he was giving as good as he got.

“Daddy?”

He shoved me away from him when we heard Timmy’s small voice and when I glanced toward the doorway, there he stood, Bunny, under one arm and the remote control in another.

Jason, ran a hand through his hair and took a breath. “Yeah babe?” he questioned breathlessly.

“Timmy haf Ice-cweam.”

It was just too bad I didn’t have the mindset to congratulate him on his progress.

“No, you already had ice-cream today. You want a snack instead?”

Timmy shook his head.

“Then go watch TV okay? I’ll come play with you later.”

“No daddy, ice-cweam.” He demanded.

“And I said no. So stop asking.” His voice was firm and when he realized it, he tried a softer tone. “You can get ice-cream later okay?”

And it seemed to appease Timmy, who nodded, but continued to watch us.

When Jason turned and made to walk past me again, I grabbed hold of his arm.

“We’re not done talking.” I said quietly and when he pulled I let him go.

“You can say it a million times and I still won’t believe you.”

His words cut, I’d give him that. “Then I won’t say it again…but spend the night with me and I’ll show you.”

His eyes met mine and he blushed despite the fact that he was upset.

“That aint the same thing.”

“No it isn’t…but I want you too.” I said, too low for little Timmy to hear.

He looked at Timmy, then looked at me and shook his head.

“Just a few minutes ago, you told me you like kissing me.”

“Yeah, but that was before.” he hissed.

“Before what? Before I told you how I felt?”

“Before you told me how you think you feel.”

I took a breath. There seemed to be no point in arguing with him. “Well the invitation is still open, you know where to find my room.” I said simply, before releasing him.

“Doesn’t matter… I aint coming.”

………………………………………….

Late that night I lay in bed, my gaze fixed on the ceiling, when my door creaked open and there he stood. Looking uncertain and out of place, his face flushed in the soft lamp light and his bottom lip trapped between his teeth as he waited for an invitation.

I lay there, an arm folded behind my head and the covers loose at my waist. When he caught my eyes his blush deepened and when I beckoned him in, he stepped hesitantly into the room, closing the door softly behind him.

                                                              AUTHOR’S NOTES

THANKS FOR READING.

KEEP SWEET!

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Chapter 13: Between the sheets…

Chapter 13

He entered slowly, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his pajama bottoms.

“Lock it.” I told him before he could came any further and he did as I asked without protest, though the hand he used to turn the lock was shaking slightly and I realized just how nervous he was.  If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was a virgin…but of course that was ridiculous.

I continued to watch his approach, choosing to remain in the same position in bed, but it didn’t seem to appease his discomfort so I sat up and just as quickly he paused, uncertainty clouding his gaze.

“Come sit beside me.” I patted the bed and he walked around the other side and climbed in. I turned to him when he was settled; back resting against the headboard.

“You don’t need to be nervous around me.” I told him.

He shook his head. “I’m not nervous.”

“Really now?” I questioned and he nodded.

“Timmy asleep?”

Another nod and once again he bit his lip. I thought of how adorable he looked and my gaze raked over him. His face was flushed and I didn’t fail to notice the bulge in his pants.

He’d been waiting for this I realized. He’d been waiting and he was ready.

I reached up to push the hair from his eyes and he swallowed.

“Kiss me.” I commanded gently and this he did without hesitation. It was a simple press of his lips to mine but it was like heaven; soft, supple and moist. Then of course there was his eagerness, which was as much a turn on as the tongue that danced with my own.

I buried a hand in his hair and pulled him closer, loving the feel of his soft curls against my fingers and the brush of his warm body against mine.

“I thought you said you weren’t going to come.” I whispered against his lips before bending to trail kisses down his neck.

He moaned. “I wasn’t.”

“What made you change your mind?” I asked against his pulse and when I reached his shoulder, I pulled at his shirt and bit down on his bare skin. He gasped.

“I couldn’t sleep?” he said, though it sounded more like a question and this time I suckled his flesh, making my own mark on his body.

“Take it off.” I urged and pulled back to watch as he quickly discarded his shirt. When he reached for the pants, I took hold of his hands and pulled him down onto the bed before climbing over and pressing against him.

He moaned and once again I took his lips. For a moment, the thought that maybe I was going to fast crossed my mind, but when he wrapped his legs around me, pulling me closer to him, all thoughts of going slow fled and very soon we were on a roller coaster of pleasure. I rocked against him, the only thing preventing more was the fabric of our pants.

 I continued to trail wet kisses over his chest, covering him with my own marks, wanting them to be the only things he saw when he stood before the mirror in the morning, wanting to banish all thoughts of the other man who’d marked him and all the others who came before me. I pulled away only long enough to run a hand over his skin, past his navel before dipping into his pants and when I touched him, his back arched. When I groped him, he become nothing more than a panting mess beneath me and when I pulled and rubbed, he called my name breathlessly.

 I continued to pleasure him, loving the feel of his nails biting into my arms as he held on tight and soon he was moving with the motion of my hand. Very suddenly I pulled away and his eyes which had been closed nice and tight, drifted open and I was staring into his unfocused gaze.

“Take them off.” I whispered and again he was quick to act, pulling off the only barrier between us and as he did so, I did the same. I dropped my own pants on the floor by the bed and when he lay completely bare, I stared down at him. My gaze raked over his body. It was as smooth and beautiful as I’d pictured and I couldn’t wait to take control of him.

As I continued to stare, his skin became flushed when he brought his hands up to cover his face, I pulled them away again.

“Turn off the light.” Came his quiet request and with a grin, I leaned in to kiss his forehead, his eyelids, his nose and finally his lips, basking in their softness.

“Why?” I whispered, but he only shook his head, a blush settling on his cheeks. It was crazy how he could still be so shy, even at a time like this. It made me think of his innocence, something that not many people had left and after another brush of the lips against his, I reached over and turned out the lamp.

I didn’t waste any time as I parted his legs and settled between them and he moaned when my flesh met his. I could still see his face in the dimness of the moonlight coming through the windows and what I saw made me ache. He was beautiful and innocent perfect. I ran a hand over him and with every kiss, the quicker his breaths came.

When eased up to press a finger, down between us and between his cheeks he panted and as I prepared him, he seemed to lose all control, falling apart in my arms and allowing me to take over.

I continued to mark him with my mouth and ready him with my fingers and finally, when neither of us could wait any longer, I positioned myself between his legs and took him, past the tight ring of muscle until I was inside and he cried out—his back arching, his breaths coming in shallow pants and finally when I began to move, he moved with me. 

Every time I bit him he cried out and when he moved his hand between us to touch himself, I took hold of his arms and kept them firmly trapped above his head.

“I don’t think so.” I whispered against his ear and his whole body trembled.

“Michael.” He whimpered and I felt the heat spread throughout my body at the sound of my name on his bruised lips.  I moved faster, harder.

Everything he did seemed to turn me on more, like the little sounds he made every time I entered him and the way he gasped whenever I kissed his neck, his shoulder, his chest. God he was perfect… he was perfect and he was mine.

I rode him and he was there with me every step of the way. I kept his hands trapped still, wanting to be the only one who gave him what he needed, needing to be in control as I took him again and again.

And so it went. We came together and pulled apart over and over until the only thing left was the very end of our control and when I shattered, spilling everything into him, he came, hard and shuddering.

We lay unmoving in the aftermath for a long time afterward and it was only when our bodies cooled and he shivered underneath me that I pulled out and away.

I hopped from the bed and made my way to the bathroom where I grabbed a dampened towel and brought it back to bed to clean him up.

He just lay there in the semi-darkness, watching me as I tidied him and when our eyes met, he smiled, small and shy; even after everything. I grinned in return, before discarding the towel and pulling him towards me.

“You’re perfect.” I whispered, then nipped his lobe and he giggled, though the sound was muffled by his pillow.

 As the minutes ticked by, the silence between us was positively pleasant. The coupling had been perfect, just like everything tended to be with him.

“I love you.” I whispered and this time he pulled away slightly.

“Don’t say that anymore okay?” he asked, turning to face me now and I could just make out the desperation in his expression as he watched me.

I reached out to push the hair from his eyes. “I swear it’s the way I feel Jason. I won’t change my mind… I can’t.”

“Just…please?” he continued and for a moment we just looked at each other. His words cut, but his expression was much harder to bear and so I nodded.

“I should go back to Timmy now.” He said then and when he meant to slide out of the bed, I wrapped an arm around him and pulled him back towards me.

“Stay with me tonight.”

“But Timmy—”

“He’ll be fine.” I assured him and finally he settled down. We lay facing each other and for once, he watched me without looking away. Our eyes met and held and we lay staring.

In the moonlight I could just make out the hickey I’d made on his arm and another on his shoulder and on his neck and I traced a finger over each in turn. “These you can keep.” I told him and he grinned.

“I will.”

“Can I ask you something?” I queried and after a pause, he nodded.

I reached over and pulled the covers over our bodies and he snuggled closer.

“What would you do if Timmy turned out to be gay? What would you say to him?”

His brows furrowed. “How come you keep asking me all these questions?”

“I’m just trying to understand you.” I answered honestly and for a while he said nothing until I wondered if maybe he wouldn’t bother answering at all.

“I don’t want him to be gay.” He said finally and his words surprised me.

“Why would you say that?”

He shrugged as best he could while lying on his side. “Because everything’s harder like this. People treat you like shit and everything’s just harder. I want him to be normal.” He said miserably.

“You think being gay isn’t normal?”

“It aint normal to a lot of people and I don’t want Timmy to have to deal with everything I gotta deal with. I can’t stand it if he aint happy.”

“He can still be happy if he’s gay though Jace.”

He looked at me as though I’d said something ridiculous and I ran a hand over his cheek.

“As long as he knows you love him and he knows that his family supports him he’ll be happy.”

“It aint always that easy.”

“No…but it can be. I’m the perfect example of that. I grew up knowing I was gay and because I had my family’s support, I was damn happy. I never once felt out of place, or abnormal and if Timmy does turn out to be gay, I know you’ll make sure he feels the same way and if you give me a chance I’ll make sure he does too.”

He didn’t comment on that, but his eyes remained on mine. “How come your dad found out about you?”

I smiled, running my fingers threw his curls as he awaited my response. “I was sixteen when I told my mom. It was hard telling her because I knew she always said she wanted grand-babies, but I did it and when she told me to tell my dad I was terrified.”

“What did he do when you told him?”

I shook my head. “I didn’t. I begged my mom to tell him for me because I was too afraid of what he might have done to me. Back then he was the scariest guy I knew.”

“He still is.” Jason commented and I chuckled.

“He’s a softy once you get to know him.” I said. “So anyway, my mom told him one day when I was at school and when I came home he was sitting in my room waiting for me. I remember thinking at the time that that was it…my dad was gonna kill me and I swear I nearly shit my pants when I saw him sitting on my bed waiting.”

“Then what happened?” Jason pushed himself up on his elbow, his brows furrowed as he listened.

“He told me to put away my bag because we were going for a ride.” I said “That’s all he said and it took everything in me not to break down right there and convince him I wasn’t really gay, but I went with him anyway. I couldn’t cry in front of my dad…not back then.”

“Where’d he bring you?”

“There was a lake a few miles from our house. It was one of my favorite spots. I liked to go out there sometimes on the weekends and relax, read a book, that kinda thing.” I explained. “We sat down by the edge of the lake and I could tell he was pissed. Dad wasn’t very good at hiding his emotions back then. He still isn’t.”

“Did he hit you?” Jason questioned with a frown and I smiled at how concerned he looked as he watched me.

“Nope. He never lay a hand on me, but he was pissed, just not for the reason I thought.”

“Then how come he was pissed?”

“He wasn’t mad because I was gay, he was mad because I wasn’t the one to tell him and he was mad because I kept it from him.”

“Then what did he do?”

“He told me as much. Said he was disappointed in me for thinking I couldn’t come to him with something so important. That’s when I started crying. I never could stand it when he was disappointed in me. I felt like I’d let him down. He was strict, but back then he was still my hero and I never liked making him mad.”

“Did he beat you?” Jason asked again and I couldn’t help but chuckle.

“No, he never touched me. My dad wasn’t like that.” I explained and when he only frowned I continued. “He hugged me and told me I didn’t have a damn thing to cry about because there was absolutely nothing wrong with being gay.”

“He said that for real?”

I nodded. “Yup. He told me it was the way I was born and there was nothing wrong with me so I shouldn’t have felt the need to hide it in the first place.”

“That’s real nice. I never thought he was a good guy.”

“Well he is. The best man I know. After that he took me out and got me my first car. Said I deserved something nice after all the stress I’d gone through keeping everything to myself. It was the best day of my life.”

“My dad would a never done something like that. He was a mean old piece a shit.” He spat and I nodded slowly.

“Not everyone’s cut out to be parents.”

“What else happened with your old man?” he seemed to be invested in my coming out story now and I smiled at his eagerness.

“Well to be honest, a lot of things changed once he knew about me. We became closer than we’d ever been. We could talk about anything. I even told him when I got my first boyfriend and he threatened to sue my high school for discrimination unless they allowed me to take a guy to the prom in my senior year.”

“Did it work?”

“Hell yeah it worked. One thing about my dad is he knows how to get his way.”

Jason smiled. “That’s real nice.” He said as he lowered himself back onto the bed.

“So you see? As long as Timmy has your support, things will be easier. I’m not saying it’ll be perfect, but it’ll be easier.”

“That’s if he turns out to be gay.”

“Exactly.”

“Maybe I can meet him again.” he said then “He wasn’t so nice last time, but maybe he won’t be so bad.”

“I won’t lie to you Jason; my dad’s not the easiest man to get along with…especially if he doesn’t trust you.”

He was silent for a moment. “And he doesn’t trust me right?”

“He’s just overprotective. He’s always been that way…but he’ll come around.” I assured him, then I leaned in to steal a kiss which he returned without hesitation.

We both jumped when we heard a cry from the other side of the door and Jason was out of bed in a flash, searching for his discarded pants. I found mine on the floor at the very foot of the bed and slipped it on before making my way over to the door.

When I pulled it open it was of course, to see little Timmy, standing there with tears in his eyes and bunny trapped by his side.

I lifted him into my arms and immediately, he rested his head on my shoulder, sniffling as I carried him into the room. Across the way Jason had finally found his pants and was making his way over to us, when I shook my head and pointed to the bed.

I deposited Timmy in the center and climbed in beside him. Before Jason could even climb in on his other side, the little guy had fallen right back to sleep.

I threw the covers over him and Jason caught the edge, pulling it over his body, slowly, hesitantly, as though expecting me to tell him he had to leave.

I offered him a small reassuring smile and he seemed to relax, stretching himself out on the bed.

I pulled what was left of the covers over myself and turned my attention to Jason who also lay with his eyes fixed on mine, and so the night went, until eventually we both fell into deep sleep with Timmy resting between us and the moonlight pouring through the windows.

                                   AUTHOR'S NOTES

I RARELY UPLOAD TWO CHAPTERS IN A DAY BUT I THOUGHT I’D GIVE YOU THIS CHAPTER AS A BONUS BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!

-ENJOY!

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Bonus Chapter: A morning with Jason

Bonus chapter- A quick peek into the mind of our Jason

Jason’s POV

When I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was Michael standing in front of his mirror putting on a tie. He was wearing expensive-looking clothes, like he was going somewhere important and he looked real handsome too. His face was nice and shaved, his hair was combed back and I could even smell his cologne.

This was the first time I’d ever seen him all dressed up and he was looking even more perfect than he usually looked. His pants were neat, his shirt was as white as the paint on his walls and not even his long sleeves could hide his muscles. Muscles I’d gotten to touch for the first time last night.

I felt my face go hot just thinking about it and I closed my eyes for a minute to calm myself down. When I opened them again I couldn’t help but look his way, only this time when I peeked at the mirror, I realized that he was watching me and I froze.

I always thought he had the darkest eyes I’d ever seen; especially when he looked at a person. It was like he was seeing you, but even more than that—like he was looking right inside you—I wasn’t some fool, I knew that wasn’t possible. I knew it, but still…

He continued to watch me while he fixed his tie and I couldn’t look away, then when he raised his eyebrow, I felt my chest tighten, and I blushed. I was always blushing around him. No matter how many times I told myself I wouldn’t. No matter how many times I told myself I must look like a real fool with my face getting all red and awful all the time, I just couldn’t help it.

“Sleep well?” he asked in his usual sexy deep voice and I nodded.

He moved right then, around to my side of the bed and pulled open the curtains. When I felt the warm sunlight on my skin, I sat up and felt the ache in my lower parts.

I was sore.

I straightened myself up and leaned back against the headboard.

Really sore . “Where’s Timmy?”

Michael was sitting on the edge of the bed now, pulling on his shoes.

“Drowning Bunny in the bathroom sink last time I checked.”

I looked towards the bathroom door and noticed the sounds of splashing for the first time, then back at Michael who was walking over to me. When he stopped beside me, he leaned over and before I knew it, he was kissing me. His hand came to grip the back of my neck, but he was real gentle, like he was last night…or at least like he’d tried to be.

He pulled away faster than I wanted him to, but then he kissed my forehead before he straightened up and looked at his watch.

“I’m late.”

“Are you going out?” I asked, then felt like an idiot for opening my mouth.

Of course he was going out. Why else would be be all dressed up?

“Yeah I’ve got a few meetings to get to. I made coffee and Timmy already ate.” He said, then looked down at his watch again. “I was thinking we could go over to my mother’s for a late lunch today. You okay with that?”

I nodded. “Yeah that’s okay.”

He smiled and I couldn’t help but smile right back. “Alright good. I’ll pick you guys up around twelve.” Then he was giving me another quick kiss, before he crossed the room and went into the bathroom.

He was saying something to Timmy, but I couldn’t make out the words, then I heard Timmy laugh, just before Michael exited the bathroom, grabbed his phone from the nightstand and left.

I listened to his boots on the stairs, then the sound of the front door opening and closing. A minute later his car started up and then he was gone.

“Timmy?” I called out then.

“Yes daddy?”

“Come here.”

“No.”

I shook my head and with a groan, pushed out of bed. The floor was cold against my feet and by the time I reached the bathroom door my body felt like it used to after a long day of working at the ranch.

“What’re you doing?” I asked him and he looked up at me.

He had bunny in the sink full of soapy water and toothpaste.

“Bunny dirty.”

“No he aint.”

“Yes Bunny dirty.”

“You’re just wasting Michael’s water.”

He frowned at me even though I knew he didn’t even know what I was saying. “No.”

“Yes you are.”

“No, Bunny dirty.”

 I went to stand beside him and we both looked down at Bunny. “I just washed him like last week.”

“No.”

I bent to kiss his chubby cheek, then I reached over to the rack and grabbed a towel.

“Let’s dry him off no-” I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror and that’s when I noticed them; the marks.

Hickeys and bruises. I shifted to the side so I could see myself better. There were hickeys on my neck, my chest, my arm; just a few of the places Michael’s mouth had been. Then there were the bruises. They were on my upper arms and just above my waist; just a few of the places he’d held on tight.

I turned red right up to my ears and I was glad Michael wasn’t here to see. I touched one of the marks and I felt the butterflies in my stomach, because I knew they would stay there for a while. When I saw another one on my shoulder, I touched it too, then I smiled.

I had sex with Michael.

Me. Then he’d let me stay with him after…for the whole night.

I remembered all of it. I remembered how good he’d made it feel and how it felt when he’d wrapped me up nice and tight and how strong he was.

Timmy turned on the tap and I reached over to turn it off.

“Bunny’s cleaner than you are.” I told him, then pulled the stopper in the sink and let the water drain out.

“Daddy no.” he started whining when I squeezed the water out of Bunny and wrapped it into the towel.

“Here.” I gave it to him, then helped him get off the stand.

“Bunny not—”

“He is. Come on.” I said and he followed me out of Michael’s room.

He pointed to the staircase when we were passing it. “Micha down?”

“No, he’s gone.”

“Micha gone?”

“Yeah, but he’s coming back for us at twelve.”

“Tweve?”

“Yup. So we gotta choose something really good to wear because we’re gonna meet his momma for the first time.”

He followed me into our room and then into our bathroom. When I picked up my toothbrush, he went to go sit on the floor.

“Michael says she’s real nice.” I told him. “And she likes kids, so she’s gonna like you.”

I squirted the toothpaste onto the brush and stuck it into my mouth. Of course she would like Timmy. He was a good kid and he was real cute, so she had to like him. I looked at myself in the mirror as I brushed and I could already feel myself getting nervous.

I wasn’t good at meeting people. I always said the wrong thing…even if I practiced what to say before—I always fucked up.

“Daddy, Micha down?”

I shook my head and continued to brush. Michael and his folks were pretty close so I couldn’t fuck it up. I just had to be nice and smile and tell her the food was good even if it wasn’t.

I rinsed out my mouth, dropped the toothbrush back into the cup and washed my face.

When I was done, Timmy followed me back into our bedroom, then out the door. I picked him up when he got to the top of the stairs and I could feel the wet bunny he was holding pressing against my neck.

“See Micha now daddy?”

“He aint here. I told you.”

I took him to the living room and set him down with the million and one toys Michael had gone and got for him, then turned on the TV so he could watch his cartoon.

“You want your grapes?”

“Yes.”

“Yes what?”

“Yes want gwapes.”

“No… you’re supposed to say…Nevermind.” I left him and went to go get them in the kitchen.

I checked the coffee pot first. It was still warm so I poured a cup for myself, then went and got Timmy’s grapes. Michael had packed them in one of those big plastic containers he kept around the place.

I opened the fridge, moved some of the other food around and pulled it out, then I picked up my coffee and headed back to the living room.

“Come sit up here.” I told Timmy and he got up and climbed onto the couch beside me.

I watched him open the lid and stick his hand in.

“Some?” he was holding one of them out for me and when I leaned over and opened my mouth he stuck it in, then he took one for himself.

“You excited to meet Michael’s mom?”

“No.” he said, the juice from the grape dribbling down his chin.

I sighed. “Yeah, me neither.”

                                                            AUTHOR'S NOTES

JUST A LITTLE BONUS TO WET YOUR APPETITES! -A quick peek into the mind of our Jason.

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Chapter 14: Meet my mother

Chapter 14

I was running late…again.

I maneuvered the car around another bend and overtook the truck ahead that was going about three miles per hour. In the backseat, my phone was vibrating nonstop and I didn’t have to guess who was calling. My mother had a thing about punctuality and I could just picture her standing in her apron by the kitchen sink, waiting for me to pick up so she could give me hell for the delay.

I let it ring.

I’d had a string of meetings this morning, each of them having taken much longer than I’d anticipated, but they’d gone well and I could honestly say I’d made progress. Maybe cold lunch and a scolding from the mother would be worth it. When I turned down the street of my neighborhood, I felt a smile blossoming on my face of its own accord and as had been happening all day, Jason, and the night we’d had came to mind.

To say it hadn’t been better than I’d expected would be an understatement. He’d been as perfect as anyone could hope a lover would be and seeing him this morning—wide eyed and staring at me in the bedroom mirror, with that ever-present blush on his face and the marks I’d left on his body, had made my whole day. That, and waking up to Timmy sitting contentedly in the center of my back, humming a strange tune.

This was my life now. It was hard to believe it, but waking up to the two people who meant everything to me, being able to provide for them, put a smile on their faces and being the one person they could rely on, was a feeling like nothing else.

Yes, this was my life now. Falling asleep next to the man I loved and waking up to him stretched out beside me…it was indescribable.

I pulled into the driveway of our place and the first thing I saw was Timmy at the window, his palms and forehead pressed to the glass. I waved when he looked my way and was rewarded with a wide, dimpled grin. This is how it should always feel coming home— like a healthy breath of fresh air.

I closed the door behind me when I stepped out of the car and jogged up to the front door, which was pulled open before I could insert the key.

“Micha.” Timmy stood there, holding the door open, his face lit with a grin.

I bent and picked him up. “What’s up you?” and pulled gently on his curls. “Where’s daddy?”

When he pointed to the staircase, I frowned. I’d need to reposition the lock on the door so it would be out of his reach. We couldn’t have him opening doors the moment we let him out of our sight.

“You don’t open doors by yourself okay?”

Rather than answer, his hands went immediately to my hair and before I’d even made it to the foot of the stairs, he was pulling on the strands.

“Jason?” I called, taking them two at a time and I heard his muffled reply from the direction of his room.

“You ready?” I stuck my head around the open door way. He glanced up at me from where he sat on the edge of his bed, pulling on his shoes.

“Yeah, just gimme a sec.” I straightened in the room, watching him tie his laces. “I was wondering if you were still gonna come.”

“Yeah the meetings took longer than I expected, but mom will keep the food warm.” I glanced at Timmy. “You hungry babe?”

“No.” was his quick, yet distracted reply.

“I gave him something already.” Jason said, looking guiltily up at me. “Do you think your mom will mind?”

“You worry too much.” I told him with a grin, then set Timmy down.

“No Micha, up!” He latched on to my arm before I could straighten up.

“Go put on your shoes first.”

“Shoes?” he asked, looking slowly around the room, but still keeping a firm grip on my arm.

“They’re over there see? Go put them on.” I pointed across the room and while he glanced over at them briefly, he made no move to get them.

“I think maybe he kinda missed you today.” Jason issued hesitantly and I glanced from Timmy to him and back.

“Is that so?” I reached down and snagged him under the armpits before throwing him into the air. His squeal was deafening. “You missed me buddy?”

“No.” he said automatically and I a tickle to the neck had him twisting a giggling in my arms.

“You don’t miss your Micha?? I continued to tickle him and had to hold him tight to make sure he didn’t fall. “I bet daddy missed me. Right daddy?” I glanced over at Jason and as expected he turned bright red.

I glanced back at Timmy. “See? Daddy missed me. Why are you trying to be a tough guy huh?” I poked at his sides and he squealed.

“No Micha!” he squealed, his laughter as rich and innocent as ever.

“Say you missed me and no more tickles!” I roared playfully and squealed again.

“Micha no tickows!”

“No tickles?” I pretended to eat his neck and he twisted and wiggled in an attempt to get away.

A peal of laughter rent the air when I did it again and a moment later his chubby hands were in my face as he tried to fend me off.

“You missed your Micha?”

More giggling. “If you missed me then I’ll stop tickling.”

“Misses, misses, misses!” he squealed and I stopped in an instant, allowing him a breather.

“See? That wasn’t so hard now was it?”  When his giggling finally broke off, he wrapped his arms tight around my neck.

 I glanced over at Jason, there was a slight smile on his face and when he caught my eye, he bit his lip.

“I think we have a problem Timmy.” I spoke to the little devil in my arms and he looked up at me.

“Daddy never told me he missed me.” I told him and Timmy looked back and forth between us. “I think daddy needs tickles, what do you think?”

Jason’s eyes had narrowed as he listened to me and when I took a step toward him, he held up his hands and backed away. “Hell no.”

“What do you say…give daddy tickles?” I questioned Timmy who pointed at his father with determination.

“Daddy haf tickows!”

This time when I moved toward him, he darted out of the way and Timmy laughed.

“Daddy isn’t being fair, is he Timmy?”

Jason stood by the wall now, eyeing the open room door as though it was his salvation and I quickly set Timmy down. “Let’s get him!” I shouted and with a delighted squeal Timmy bolted after his father and I ran to block the doorway.

“Don’t you dare Michael.” He warned, hands still held out in front of him as he watched me close the door.

Timmy on the other hand had already reached his father’s side and was trying desperately to wiggle his little fingers on his father’s jean-clad leg in an attempt to tickle him.

I grinned and Jason reached down and snatched the little guy up, before throwing him onto the bed.

Timmy laughed as he bounced and I approached my target slowly. Jason turned his attention back to me, his eyes wide and darting from side to side as he planned his escape.

“We’re really late Michael.” He tried. “This aint fair to your mom.”

I pounced and with a shout, he darted across the room, hopped over Timmy who sat in the center of the bed and came to a standstill by the closet doors.

“You know the rules Jace…tell me you missed me and this all goes away!” I shouted with glee and winked at Timmy who sat laughing.

I pounced again and once more he darted to the other end of the room. “I missed you, I missed you!” he shouted and when I only grinned at him, still approaching slowly, his eyes widened.

“You stay right there!” he commanded, backing up with arms outstretched.

Someone was afraid of being tickled.

My grin only grew. “I already told you I missed you!” he shouted again.

“I don’t believe you!” I shouted and he bolted when I ran his way. He was making a break for the bathroom door, so I did the only thing I could. I ran for the bed, hopped over a giggling Timmy and Jumped in front of him, successfully blocking his way.

He sidestepped me and when he hopped onto the bed again, I was ready for him. In an instant I tackled him onto the sheets and he was laughing as I tickled without mercy.

“Stop!” he shouted, twisting this way and that.

“Help me tickle him Timmy.” And without pause, Timmy turned traitor to his father and started on his neck.

Jason continued to twist, laughing so hard his face turned red.

“No Timmy, help me !” he begged and just like that, the little devil switched sides and began pulling on his father’s fingers as though he could actually pull him from my grasp.

“Micha haf daddy!” Timmy explained to the wiggling Jason and I couldn’t help it—I released him, clutching my chest as I laughed.

By the time I’d expended it all, I was laying on my back between Jason and Timmy.

Beside me Jason panted. “You’re a dick.” He said breathlessly, then turned toward me with a grin. His curls which had been nice and neat when I’d entered the room, were now messy and crazy, just the way I liked it.

I pushed up on an elbow and turned to him, just as Timmy climbed over me and sat between us

“Gimmie a kiss.” I ordered and Jason glanced at Timmy, then at me.

“No way, Timmy’s right here.” He said in horror.

“Aint nothing harmful in a kiss. Right Timmy?” I questioned him as he watched us and Timmy shook his head.

Jason shook his as well. “I aint doing that with him right in front of me.”

“Alright.” I said, then pointed to the bathroom door. “Look at that Timmy.” I said and the moment Timmy looked away, I planted a quick kiss on Jason’s lips.

He was bright red before Timmy looked back and with a satisfied sigh, I pushed up from the bed, taking the kid with me.

“Time to go put on your shoes buddy.” I told him and this time, when I deposited him next to them, he sat on the floor and began the task of pulling them on.

On the bed, Jason rolled over to watch us, resting his head on his arms.

He looked downright delicious laying there and if Timmy hadn’t been in the room I would have had my way with him.

“Come on, we’re late.” I told him instead and he smiled.

“As usual.”

I returned it. “Take Timmy downstairs. I’m gonna go change.” I gestured to my wrinkled suit and when he slid off the bed, I left them to it, making my way quickly to my room.

While there, I discarded the formal wear and pulled on a comfortable pair of jeans and the first clean shirt I spotted.

Downstairs I could hear Jason and Timmy talking. I slipped on a pair of shoes, splashed some water on my face in the bathroom and about a minute later, I was trudging down the stairs.

In the dining room, I picked up Timmy’s bag with his usual change of clothes and grabbed the damp bunny from the couch in the family room. When I made to pass through the kitchen on my way to the front door, I paused.

Jason and Timmy stood staring at each other, both wearing frowns as they did.

“Everything okay?”

Jason was the first to look at me. “He wants tea, but I keep telling him we don’t have the time to make it.”

Just then Timmy turned to me, then pointed an accusing finger at his dad. “Micha, daddy no want Timmy haf tea.” He complained.

“We’re going to a special place where you can have all the tea you want. You just have to wait a little bit okay?” I told him and his frown deepened.

I sighed. “Let’s just make the tea and get outta here.” I told Jason and with a shake of his head and a shrug he turned to do it.

I deposited the bag and bunny on the kitchen stool and lifted Timmy onto the counter.

“You’re spoiled you know that?” I questioned him, but he only watched his father as he set the water on the stove.

“It’s your fault for giving him everything he wants.” Jason spoke up and I grinned, turning my attention back to Timmy.

“But a prince should get everything he wants, right Timmy?”

He looked up at me. “No.” and I chuckled, ruffling his curls.

It was a good ten minutes before we could leave out. I’d thrown a couple ice cubes into the Timmy’s cup to cool it down a little, then we ushered him out the door.

Jason buckled up in the front seat and I strapped Timmy in in the back, grabbing my phone from the seat beside him before closing the door.

Once I was seated around the wheel, I sent a quick text to my mom, handed Jason the phone and backed the car down the driveway.

It was a little over half an hour before we got there and the door opened as soon as we parked. There she stood, in a pair of jeans and a floral top, her face lit with a smile.

From his seat, Jason watched her for, his expression unreadable. “Come on.”

I hopped out and around the back, I unlatched Timmy from his car seat and deposited him onto the ground. He’d finished his tea and was still holding the empty cup.

“Let’s leave that in the car okay?” and he put it and the seat.

Jason took hold on Timmy’s hand and they followed me up the short steps to where my mother stood.

“You’re late.” She scolded, then gave me a kiss on the cheek.

“Yeah I know, the meetings went on longer than I—”

“Oh Michael, you didn’t tell me he was so precious!” she interrupted and I turned expecting her to be drooling over Timmy, but it was Jason who she had in her sights and a moment later, she had him enveloped in a hug.

“Nice to meet you.” Jason offered when she let go. He was looking decidedly uncomfortable. Then mom glanced down at Timmy and before he could hide behind his father’s legs, she plucked him from the ground and hugged him close.

“Hi sweet boy. Look at those cheeks!” and she kissed them both.

Timmy, who to my surprise didn’t cry out at being accosted by a stranger, looked as bewildered as Jason did, staring at my mom, before placing his usual two fingers into his mouth.

“Come on let’s get inside. I kept the food warm for you, so I hope you’re hungry.”

She turned and made her way inside with Timmy still in her arms and after closing the door behind me, Jason and I followed. She took us through the house, down the passageway, through the family room and onto the patio out back, where she’d set up lunch on the table there. She’d covered everything with a long cloth and when she set Timmy down, she pulled it off so we could see what she had prepared.

As expected, she’d cooked for an army.

“I made a variety just in case you don’t like something.” She told Jason, who nodded.

“Alright come on, sit wherever you want.” She offered.

Jason waited for me to take a seat before he took the one beside me and Timmy climbed into his lap.

Mom took her seat beside Jason and gestured to the food. “Help yourselves boys.”

She was smiling brighter than I’d seen her smile in a long time and it was contagious. I figured she was happy for the company. Being on her own for most of the day while my dad went to work must be lonely and I thought that maybe allowing her to babysit Timmy when Jason and I went to work in a couple weeks would be a good idea.

“Oh sweetie, your neck.” I glanced over at her as I scooped the mashed potato onto my plate, to see her staring at Jason.

I shook my head. He’d tried to keep them hidden by hoisting the collar of his jacket up, but with my mother, nothing could go unobserved. Jason glanced at me and I shrugged.

 My mom wagged a finger in my direction.

“Michael’s always played rough. Even as a kid, I’d had to warn him about that.” She told Jason whose expression was one of pure embarrassment.

“Mom—”

“You need to be gentler Michael.” She interrupted me again. “Look at the size of you, you’re likely to break him in half.”

Jason looked like he wanted nothing more than to bury himself in a hole and I looked skyward.

Yes…this was my mother.

                                         AUTHOR'S NOTES

MY EXAMS START NEXT WEEK SO I WON’T BE ABLE TO POST FOR TWO WEEKS AFTER THEY BEGIN…SO I THOUGHT I’D GIVE YOU AS MANY CHAPTERS AS I CAN MANAGE BEFORE THAT TIME COMES.

ENJOY AND THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.

In the meantime feel free to go check out any of my other books..I’m recommending A Vampire’s Marine. Enjoy!

DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Chapter 15: Room Tour

Chapter 15

It was a rare thing to see my mother’s kitchen looking anything but spotless, but I’d long ago learned that when Timmy was involved, anything was possible. The floors and the counters were a mess of flour and sugar and Timmy himself was covered from head to toes in the stuff.

I stood by the entrance watching as my mom held the little guy close as he stood on the chair, mixing some form of sweet concoction in one of her large mixing bowls. He had his tongue stuck out, curling at the top of his lip as he focused on the job before him and my mother was equally enthralled as she instructed him every step of the way. Enthralled and happy I noticed; taking in the rosiness of her cheeks and the smiles that blossomed on her face whenever Timmy spoke his usual nonsense. She was in love and loving every second of it.

Timmy had that effect on people.

I glanced over at Jason who was leaning against the wall, his own eyes fixed on the scene before him and as though he sensed my gaze, he glanced over at me and I nodded in the direction of the other room.

He followed me without hesitation and so we left the chefs to whatever it was that they were doing.

“I think it’s time you got the official tour.” I told him when we were alone in the family room and his immediate response was to glance around the large space; his eyes taking everything in that he had been too shy to pay much attention to earlier.

“This is where you grew up right?”

“Yup.” I said, glancing around the space I knew like the back of my hand. “Lived here all my life.”

I watched him walk over to the wall of photographs I’d seen him eyeing earlier and I followed, coming to a stop close behind him as he inspected them.

“You look really happy in these.”

I looked at each of them in turn and nodded. “I was happy…still am.”

He picked up a frame from the side table. “Yeah, but you don’t smile like this.”

I shrugged despite the fact that he wasn’t looking at me “I was a bit overly enthusiastic back then.”

“And chubby.”

I chuckled. “Yeah and chubby…until I found the great world of sports anyway.”

“I used to run.” He offered and I listened in hopes that he’d tell me more. Volunteering information about himself wasn’t his strong suit. “Back when I was in school…I even got my very own medal. It’s back at my parent’s house though.” He continued. “Maybe they threw it out already.”

“You can still run you know. They have programs all over town.”

He shook his head and replaced the photo. “Nah.” Was all he said and this time I didn’t push.

“Come on I’ll show you the rest of the place.”

And by ‘rest of the place’ I meant my old bedroom. He followed me down the hall and up the stairs, his eyes missing nothing as he went.  It was the last door at the end of the hall with the black doorknob and solitary splash of paint across the center, which I’d thought was damn cool at the time.

When I pushed it and went in, his eyes went where everyone’s eyes tended to go whenever they were invited into the space; to the trophy shelf.

It took up an entire wall and was the only thing that gave any real character to the room.

“You got a lot a awards.”

I nodded. Badminton, football, soccer, chess and wrestling. “I was sorta sports-obsessed back in high school.”

“Sorta?” he said in clear awe as I sat on the bed and watched him take it all in.

His eyes raked over everything and he touched as many things as he observed—holding them up for closer inspection or just running his fingers across their surface. He picked up the dirty, deflated soccer ball I’d punctured at the last game of the season in my senior year, touched every dart in my collection and took an especially long time observing each poster that hung on my wall. He lingered longer over the photos I’d glued to the white board at one corner of the room—photos of friends from high school and college, photos of me and my sister at her sixteenth birthday party and photos of me and my dad by the lake.

He was fascinated and I felt like I could watch him for hours.

“How come you got a bicycle wheel on the wall?”

I grinned. “It’s from the first bike I ruined.”

He ran his fingers over the dented metal and over the mangled rubber. “You ruined more than one?”

I shrugged. “A few.” And when he glanced over at me with a raised brow, I laughed.

“I thought I was something of a daredevil back then. When I crashed the last one, dad banned me from riding.”

He moved on from it with a nod and when he came to a stop by the stacked bookshelf I knew we’d be in there for a while.

I flopped backwards onto the bed, an arm behind my head and allowed my eyes to drift shut. It felt good to have him here in my childhood home. It felt significant somehow and after the initial embarrassing moments at lunch, I was sure Jason had begun to enjoy my mom’s company. She’d talked from his first bite of her buttered corn to his last swallow of her glazed ham sandwich and I’d been surprised at how much he partook in the conversation.

“No gwammy!” I opened my eyes and listened to Timmy’s voice which had drifted up the stairs. Apparently he wasn’t getting his way.

“Oh sweetheart you can’t eat that yet, we have to bake it first.” Mom was telling him.

“No gwammy, Timmy haf eat now.”

Gwammy ; Timmy’s version of what she’d invited him to call her no doubt.

“Timmy?” Jason called out.

“Yes daddy?” he shouted up.

“Behave.”

All was silent after that and I grinned, allowing my eyes to drift close again. Only Jason could set the kid straight.  I’d long ago stopped wondering if I’d ever have to heart to discipline him. It was obvious that it just wasn’t in me; the kid had me wrapped around his finger and it wasn’t an entirely bad feeling.

I stifled a yawn and glanced over at Jason. I should have known lunch with my mother would run into dinner time. Another yawn had my eyes watering and I closed my eyes briefly to clear them.

When next I opened them, it was to the sound of a vehicle entering the driveway and I glanced at the clock on the room wall. I’d slept for a little over half an hour.

On the ground in front of the bookshelf Jason sat with books strewn around him and one open before him.

“You can take them with you if you want.” I told him and he glanced around at them, then up at me.

“You sure?”

I sat up rolling my shoulders before I finally stood. “Yeah I don’t mind. Take them all if you feel like it.” And a moment later I was out the door and walking down the hall where I stopped at the very top of the stairs to await my father’s entrance into the house.

Standing here atop the staircase brought back memories of many a childhood evenings where I stood in this same spot waiting for my dad to get home from work. It was with relief that I’d stood here with back then. Relief because he’d made it home after another day on the job. Relief that we hadn’t gotten that knock on the door from one of his colleagues reporting some tragedy of which he was the protagonist.

When he’d been promoted chief we’d all let out a sigh of relief. A desk job was better—safer.

Funny how it was a desk job that I was now running away from.

I heard the front door give way and a gust of wind entered with my old man. I could picture him stomping his feet to get off any dirt he’d trailed in from the driveway. Then there was the sound of shoelaces being pulled and boots being discarded for more comfortable shoes.

Years had passed, but the routine remained the same. I listened to the shuffling of his feet as he made his way to the kitchen where mom always tended to be when he got home.

“Our boy still here?” I heard him question her, but it was Timmy who replied.

“Gwamy waz him?”

“That’s Papa sweetheart.”

“Popy?”

“Yup he’s your popy.” She went with it. “He just came in from work.”

“You sure you want to be telling him that?” I heard dad question which was quickly following by her sigh.

“You worry too much.” She admonished before I heard more shuffling and the clatter of utensils against the counter.

“Hold on Timmy. Let me help you down sweetheart.” Mom was saying.

Then the pounding of little bare feet sounded on the wooden floors and my father’s grunt as though something had smacked into him.

“Lif?”

I smiled. I could easily imagine the little devil standing before my father on his tip toes with his arms raised impatiently above him. It surprised me how taken he was with my dad. Ever since the first day he’d met him he’d been seemingly unafraid of approaching him. Yet with anyone else he reverted to the shy little boy I’d met that first night in my home.

I pictured my dad with his ever-present serious expression and narrowed eyes that made even the toughest of men wilt and wondered what it was that Timmy saw that told him the old man was a safe friend to have.

“Hey now, don’t you want to help Diana? You just gonna leave it all up to her?” dad was questioning in his best ‘kids’ voice.

“No lif popy.”

I leaned against the banister.

“You think that’s very responsible? Shirking you duties like that?” he continued and I shook my head.

Yeah dad, teach a kid about something he couldn’t even pronounce the word for.

“Alright, alright. Don’t you start with those tears you hear me. Come on.”

Another huff from dad and a sniffle from the spoilt kid that was Timmy and I knew the devil had gotten his way.

“Now what?” my dad questioned and when Timmy’s gibberish began, I heard them coming down the hallway.

“No idea what you’re saying kid.”

I watched them from above as they walked down the hall— Timmy with his arms wrapped around the old man’s neck as they went and for a brief moment dad looked up, caught my eye and nodded in greeting before they walked out of sight.

It was then that a thought occurred to me and I turned on my heels and retraced my steps back the way I’d come and came to a stop in the doorway of my room.

“How’d you like to see the lake?” I questioned and Jason glanced up at me from his spot on the floor.

“You mean the lake you told me about?”

“Yeah, what’d you think?”

“Okay.” He nodded slowly, then glanced back at the book in his hands.

This nerd.

“I meant right now, while it’s still light out.”

Once again he tore his gaze from the book with furrowed brows. “But your mom’s hanging with Timmy now.”

“We’ll leave him.”

He frowned.

“It’s only for an hour or two, he’ll be fine.”

“He aint gonna wanna stay.” He mumbled; lips turning down into the cutest pout and I couldn’t help but to smile.

“He will…he’s comfortable here.”

“But—”

“You worry too much. We’re going…come on.”

“You don’t understand Michael, Timmy aint—”

“Timmy’s fine.” I stepped into the space and offered a hand which he took and I pulled him to his feet.

When he’d deposited the book carefully onto the bed, I closed my fingers between his and pulled him with me out of the room. With his bottom lip trapped between his teeth, he followed without a word as we went across the hall, down the stairs and down the other hall which would take us out back where I could hear my dad talking to Timmy.

I stopped just by the screen door and put a finger to my lips as I pushed it open without a sound. Jason peered out into the backyard where my dad stood with Timmy in his arms, pointing to the tools in his shed.

“…so you see, everything has its place. Diana doesn’t think they’re important.” Dad was telling an engrossed Timmy. “but a man’s tools are damned important.”

“Dam powtent”

“I mean darned.Say darned instead.” Dad corrected. “How old are you anyway? You’re too young to curse…say darned.”

“Dawn.”

Dad shrugged. “Close enough.” Then he reached into his tool shed and pulled out one of his special, limited edited hammers.

“Now this one I got at an auction last spring. Couldn’t even find it online” he showed it to Timmy. “Here, feel that.” He held it out and Timmy ran his fingers along the shaft. “See? Now that’s what you call good quality.”

“Good qwaty?”

“Yup…best there is.”

I turned to Jason with raised brows and when he caught me staring he sighed. “Okay. I guess he can stay for a little bit…but we can’t leave him too long cause he gets—”

“Yeah yeah…come on.” I pulled him away from the door and back down the hall, pausing only briefly at the kitchen door to tell mom where we were headed, before we were out the front door and back in my car.

“Is it far?” he asked as soon as I backed the car into the street.

Always worried about his little Timmy.  “It’s just a little over a mile up the road.”

“You used to go there all the time right?”

“Yup. Dad would take me and my sister out there every weekend.” I told him. “Mom would load up the car with more food than we needed and we’d stay up there all day, swimming, eating and just having a good time.” I smiled at the memory.

“Where does your sister live?”

“Miami.”

I glanced at him briefly, glad he seemed more outspoken today.

“How come she moved so far?”

“Well she went to college there, got a great job right after, met her husband and never looked back.”

He was frowning when I glanced at him briefly. “She doesn’t visit?”

I shrugged. “As often as she can.”

“Hmm.”

“Maybe we can take a trip over there. My niece isn’t much older than Timmy so they’ll have fun together.”

He was looking at me when I glanced over again—brows furrowed and eyes narrowed in concentration. “Maybe.”

Always uncertain, always the skeptic . I turned my eyes back to the road, coming to a stop at the traffic light. This time when I looked at him he was fidgeting with my phone. There was never a time I got it back from him and there wasn’t some new app on it that I had to figure out how to use.

I smiled…something I did so often now that I wondered if anybody would ever take me seriously again.

“Maybe you should download a game for Timmy.” I suggested, only to have him disagree with a shake of his head.

“He’ll only break your phone. Just like he broke the tablet you got him for Christmas.” He reminded me with a knowing raise of the brow.

Yup, broke it after only four days and made me waste all that money —Jason’s words, not mine.

“Maybe he’ll be gentle this time.” I tried to persuade him. “He’s learning.”

He shook his head without looking up and when the light changed to green, I stepped on the gas.

“You know I read this article the other day that said children tend to learn better through games.” I continued and this time I glanced over to see him watching me. “Educational games I mean…They’re having so much fun they don’t even realize they’re getting anything from it.”

“Timmy has plenty a games now remember?”

“Yeah but I mean like electronic games…”

“You let him play games on your computer all the time.” He argued.

I nodded slowly. “Yeah but maybe he can have a game on the go. You know, something portable.”

“If you give him your phone he’s gonna break it.” He said with a characteristic frown. “And you know it too.”

“He can’t break it if he’ll just be sitting in the back seat.”

“He can throw it out the window.”

“He wouldn’t—”

“You know he would.” He interrupted and I sighed. Yeah he would.

When I finally turned onto the road leading to the lake I announced our arrival and he sat up, glancing out the window to take in the lush trees on either side of the narrow street.

“This is the entrance.” I told him. “We’ll have to continue along this road to get to the exit.”

I parked in a small clearing not far down the way and got out.

The place seemed to be empty of any other people; which was just the way I’d liked it growing up and the way I liked it now. Too many people tended to take away from the peacefulness of the lake, which was what was what held the attraction.

When Jason stepped out of the car he looked around, tilting his head back so he could look at the very tops of the trees. A slight breeze was on the air and the only smells that wafted with it was the scent of nature.

I felt the usual tingle in my toes at being here. This was home.

I turned to Jason and pointed over his shoulder. “The lake’s that way, through the trees.” I told him. “Next time we’ll take Timmy and—”

A bloodcurdling scream ripped through the air and Jason and I both froze. It was a sound completely set apart from the tranquility of nature around us and it was as chilling as it was misplaced.

Jason looked toward the direction it had come, them back at me with wide eyes and the second I took a step, another sound rose up in the still forestry; the sure sound of a gunshot.

Even knowing it wasn’t close by, I jumped into action, pulling Jason away from the forest’s edge and toward to car. When another shot sounded, I stuffed him into the passenger seat, ordered him to keep his head down and leaned over him to grab my own weapon from the compartment under the driver’s seat.

“Stay here, keep your head down and call my dad and tell him what you just heard.” I told him quickly and when he only stared at me; wide-eyed and terrified, I plucked the phone from the seat and stuffed it into his hands.

“His number’s saved in the phone…call him.” I ordered and just as I turned to go, he grabbed hold of my arm; his nails biting into my flesh.

“You can’t…what if…what if something happens to you?”

I looked toward the trees then back at him. “I’ll be right back. Keep your head down and call my dad.” I said, before I pried his hand off me and locked the door.

Weapon in hand and my mind set, I made my way through the trees and toward the long dead sounds of the gunshots.

                                      AUTHOR’S NOTES

GUYS IF I TAKE A WHILE TO POST A CHAPTER IT’S USUALLY FOR A GOOD REASON…THANKS TO THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE CONTINUED TO BE PATIENT WITH ME…I WILL DO BETTER IN THE FUTURE.

-KEEP SWEET AND THANKS FOR READING.

-ENJOY.

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Chapter 16: Reckless

Chapter 16

  I could hear the sounds of fleeing birds and the rustling of leaves as I skulked through the trees, but more than that, I could hear the sounds of voices; not hushed speeches barely heard over the wind, but raised voices of men and a woman, and the closer I got, the easier it was the make out the words.

“Jesus Liam just shut the hell up. Do you want somebody to come running over here?”

“We’re in the middle of nowhere you idiot, who the hell is gonna hear?”

“Jesus will the both of you just shut the fuck up?” another frustrated voice chipped in.

Through it all I could hear the wailing of a woman, almost drowned out by the sound of the other voices.

I navigated through the trees with caution—bent at the waist with gun in hand. When I was close enough to the voices, I slowed my pace, bending lower to hide myself behind the tall shrubs and large tree trunks.

The first thing I saw was a red shirt and as I crept closer; the body that was in it. It was a man— a teenager really—looking to be somewhere near the age of eighteen. He also wore a black baseball cap which created a shade over his face making it impossible for me to see his eyes. In his hand he waved a gun; flailing it about as though he didn’t have his hand on the trigger.

I crept closer, practically crawling on the ground in order to keep myself hidden.

“He’s gone. He’s gone.” I heard the pained wailing and the same words being repeated again and again, and when I was close enough to hear the sniffles of the woman, I stopped and listened.

“We gotta get outta here before someone shows up.”

I was flat against the rich soil, but when I lifted up on my elbows and looked between the spaces in the shrubbery, I saw them—teenagers. Just a bunch of teenagers. I counted four of them, not including the girl rocking back and forth on the ground beside an unmoving body. Three out of the five of them held a gun. I cursed under my breath.

“We gotta move the body.” Red shirt announced. He was the only one whose expression seemed unworried. He made his statement as though talking about something as simple as the weather and even though I couldn’t see his eyes, the set of his jaw and his confident stance told me everything I needed to know; this was the person responsible for the body on the ground.

I rose higher on my elbows so I could get a better look at the body. It looked to be a male and the bloodstain on the back of that his shirt was enough to let me know that he couldn’t possibly be alive. The girl on the ground beside him was covered in his blood and leaving enough prints on the body to implicate her in the crime; if her very presence didn’t implicate her enough.

“You killed him. He’s gone. He’s gone.” She continued too sob, bloodying the hair she pushed out of her face.

“Come on Jenny, get up.” Striped shirt demanded, though he looked as terrified as the white-shirted guy trembling beside him.

“He’s gone…” the girl was now whispering over and over in a daze. I studied their faces, taking in their expressions and their clothes, while hammering their names in my head whenever they were called.

“It’s his fucking fault, get up.” Red reached over and grabbed her arm and pulled her to her feet.

“What about the body?” this from the striped shirt who now looked like he was about the throw up.

Red shirt looked between the girl falling apart beside him, then down at the body with a scowl.

“Leave it, we don’t have time.”

“We can’t just leave him here Carl. He’s still our friend.” Striped shirt continued and Carl gave him a look that could have peeled paint.

“He was our friend.” He said coldly. “Now he’s dead and it’s his own Goddamn fault. Let’s go.” He barked.

“Carl—”

“Now!”

I didn’t think about the repercussions. I didn’t think about the fact that I was outnumbered or that these were armed men. I just knew that I needed to prevent them from leaving; at least until the chief sent backup.

I pushed up from my position with my weapon raised, but just as I was about to announce my presence, a hand wrapped around my arm and I was pulled back to the ground.

I spun quickly, ready to take down my attacker and froze with my weapon pointed at the intruder. Then I cursed when my mind registered just who knelt there in front of me, with hands raised as if he could ward off a bullet. I pulled him down roughly.

As the party of five fled and lost themselves amongst the trees we lay in silence and when they were out of sight I released him.

“What the hell are you doing?” I hissed and he glared at me.

“What the hell are you doing? You were gonna get yourself killed!”

I pushed up from the ground and jogged the short distance to where the body still lay. When he stood to follow, I shot him a look and he went right back down to the ground. I tested the pulse even though I knew it was futile. The man; whoever he was, was dead.

I looked toward the path where the five had escaped, then back at Jason. “Did you call my dad like I told you to?”

He nodded. “He’s says to sit tight. Backup’s coming.”

“Didn’t I tell you to stay in the car?” I scolded. And he frowned and pushed off the ground once again to come stand beside me.

I glanced around the place, making sure we were at least hidden well enough just in case they decided to come back. When I glanced back at him, he was staring down at the bloodied body in shock and in that moment I felt the anger well up inside me.

“When I tell you to do something in a situation like this, you need to damn well listen.” I said harshly and while he looked at me, he didn’t back down. Instead, he folded his arms before him and glared.

“You were the one trynna get killed.”

I shook my head and looked back toward the trees. When I looked back at him, my tone brooked no argument. “Get back to the car and wait there.”

“You can’t go after them.” He argued. “They got guns.”

“And I’m trained for this. Go Back!”

When I turned to go, he grabbed my arm again and I cursed.

“Jason I don’t have tim—”

“Please Michael” he was pleading now. “Let’s just wait like your dad said. Please!” When I looked into his eyes I saw the type of fear I’d only seen in them once before; when he’d thought I was going to take Timmy away from him and I felt some emotion stir inside my chest. I looked at him, then back toward the trees. I was running out of time.

I gave him a little shove in the direction we’d come. “Get your ass back and wait for me!”

This time he finally drew back, eyes wide and lips trembling, but a moment later he spun on his heels and darted through the trees and back towards the car.

When he was out of sight, I took off into the trees after the five teens; hoping I’d catch up to them before they managed to escape.

I could have run forever, searched every crevice and behind every bush in that area and it would still be pointless. Fifteen minutes later and I had no damn clue where they were. The trail ended at a makeshift parking lot at the far end of the compound and I knew without having to wonder, that they were gone.

I ran a hand over my face and cursed under my breath, before holstering my weapon and going back the way I’d come. By the time I was halfway back to the car I was stopped by armed bureau agents I knew by name and I explained to them what had happened and just how many they were looking for. There was dozens of them out there and after I’d given my description of the five teens, they took off into the trees to search. It didn’t matter though. They would come up empty handed.

I continued on my way, feeling pissed and irritated and…pissed. I passed a few of the guys standing around the body. One of them took pictures and I stopped long enough to watch them turn him over. Just another kid. Jesus.

“Michael” I glanced up at the sound of my dad’s voice and sighed when I saw his expression.

Here we go .

“Are you out of your mind?” he raved as he approached me and I kept going, forcing him to follow.

“No dad… not that I know of.” I said with irritation.

“You hear gunshots and you go running in like some hotshot? What the hell is wrong with you?”

I glanced his way and shook my head at his thunderous expression as he walked beside me. “I know I should have waited for backup…don’t start.”

“Then why the hell didn’t you?”

“If I were anyone but your son we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

He cursed. “If you weren’t my son I’d be suspending you for being stupid and reckless.” He practically shouted.

“Dad, there was a scream and shots were fired. I acted on instinct, hoping I’d be saving a life. It’s no more than any of us would have done. Including you.”

My dad sighed but offered no argument. “Tell me everything.”

So I told him what I’d seen, finishing up the recount by the time I reached the car. Jason stood by the door, giving his statement to agent Daley, who stood with a pad and pen, scribbling down his words.

“You think maybe they were dealers?” dad questioned and I shook my head.

“I couldn’t tell you. They were just a bunch of kids with guns.”

Dad patted me on the back. “Go give Daley your statement. I’m calling in the sketch artist; you can give him your description in a few minutes.” He said. “I already called in. They’re blocking the roads now and everyone’s on the lookout. We’ll find them.”

I nodded, making my way to the car where Jason stood; his eyes darting from Daley to me and back.

I came to a stop beside him and folded my arms as I listened to his recount.

“…and then Michael told me to go back to the car so I did and then you guys showed up.” He finished with a glance my way and I frowned down at him.

“Just let me know if you remember anything else alright?”

Jason nodded.

“Michael.” Daley greeted and with a nod in return we got down to business. I described the scene in detail, told him the names I’d learned and the words they’d spoken. I described their clothes, the type of guns they’d held, down to the expressions on their faces and the more I described, the more I pissed I felt at not announcing myself earlier. They might have surrendered when they’d learned I was FBI or they might have run. Anything could have happened, but more importantly, I would have probably have at least one of them in custody by now.

By the time I was done giving my statement, it was time to give my description to the sketch artist. Through it all Jason stuck by my side without a word and around us, agents milled about, making calls, bagging whatever evidence they’d managed to find and packing up.

It wasn’t long before the reporters showed up and started getting in the way. No doubt this had already made the news. I managed to dodge all questions relating to the events of the day and shield Jason from it as well.

By the time we’d all done our parts and were back on the road, heading to my parent’s house, nighttime had already fallen. The others were still out there, blocking roads and searching vehicles in town and those going out and even though I itched to be out there with them, the chief had made it clear that I was still on sick leave.

That I’d deal with in the morning. At that moment I tried to push what I’d witnessed from my mind and instead focused on picking up Timmy and getting us all home.

In the passenger seat beside me Jason was silent, but I could also see that he was upset and dammit so was I. What he’d done today was foolish and reckless and if I could just reach over and shake the life out of him I would.

“I didn’t do anything wrong.” He said then, breaking the silence for the first time since we’d entered the car.

“You put yourself in harm’s way after I specifically told you to stay in the car.” I said, trying to keep a civil tone. “If you hadn’t gotten in my way I could have—”

“They would just shoot you and you’d be dead.”

I glanced over at him for a second, then focused my attention back on the road. “Jason, this is what I do for a living.”

“There were five of them and one of you. It don’t matter what you do for a living. There were five of them!”

“Yeah and three of them had guns. What if they’d seen you? What if I’d accidentally shot you when you snuck up on me? You put us both in danger today because you couldn’t just follow simply instructions.”

“You’re dad said you were stupid to do it and it’s true.” He countered and this time I chose to remain silent just in case I ended up saying something I’d regret.

From the corner of my eye I saw him fold his arms and turn to look out the window. He was pissed, I was pissed, my dad was pissed and five homicide suspects had escaped. What a great fucking day this had turned out to be.

The front door opened just as I turned into the driveway and my mom stood just inside the frame, holding Timmy’s hand.

I slammed the car door shut behind me and made me way up the short stairs and to the door where my mom, looking worried, wrapped me in her arms.

“We’re fine mom. I swear.” I reassured her and glanced down when Timmy latched on to my leg.

“Don’t you scare me like that again Michael.” She scolded with a watery smile.

“I won’t mom.” I said then lifted Timmy off the ground.

His eyes were red and his cheeks tear-stained. “What’s wrong big guy?” I asked him softly as I wiped the stray tears from his face with the tail of my shirt.

“He’s been crying for you two.” Mom explained and I rubbed his back as he clung to me; still sniffling.

“Daddy.” He mumbled when he spotted Jason behind me and when Timmy reached for him, I handed him over.

“Come on, I’ll make you guys some hot chocolate.” Mom ushered us inside.

Twenty minutes later we were all seated in my parent’s living room, hot chocolates in hand. I’d relayed the events of the day to my mom who’d been shocked and disturbed by the fact that teens had been involved in the crime. Across from us, in a single chair Jason sat with a grumbling Timmy in hand. He’d been stuck to his father since we’d entered the house, refusing to let him out of his sight.

It was clear that he was upset at being left behind. It was just one of those days.

“They’ll find them Michael, especially with your father on the case. You know he won’t give up.” Mom was telling me and I shook my head.

“I’m not sitting this one out. Coming back to work two weeks earlier won’t make much of a difference.”

Mom took a sip of her hot chocolate. “You know how your dad gets.”

“He’s just going to have to get over it.” I told her seriously. “This is my case.”

“Daddy no leave Timmy.” Mom and I looked over at father and son. Timmy was frowning up at Jason, who only sighed.

“I told you I’m sorry babe.” He said, but Timmy’s frown only deepened.

“Daddy no leave.”

“Okay…I said I won’t leave you again.”

It was only then that the little guy stuffed his two fingers into his mouth and laid his head on Jason’s chest.

When Jason looked up our eyes met and just as quickly, he looked away. I sighed, depositing my half empty cup on the coffee table.

“We’d better head out now mom. Timmy’s probably tired.” I told her

“Of course sweetie.” She said standing when we did and when I bent to pick up the cups, she was adamant that we should leave it for her to wash up.

“Thanks for today mom. Lunch was great” I told her and she hugged me and Jason, though Timmy clutched Jason tight when she tried to hug him.

A minute later we were on the road again. This time Jason was seated in the back with Timmy, who’d made a fuss when Jason had been about to leave him to sit in the front.

“Two weeks aint gonna kill you.” Jason broke the silence.

“No, but it won’t make a difference either.”

“Your dad can do it and all those other agents.”

I shook my head. “I’m taking this case Jason.”

“Your dad won’t let you.”

“Then I’ll just have to find a way to convince him.”

For a moment there was dead silence, then; “What if you get hurt?”

“I won’t.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I’ll be careful.”

I glanced into the rearview mirror to see him shaking his head. “Like you were careful today?”

I didn’t respond. I wouldn’t apologize for my actions and intentions today. Tomorrow morning I’d be officially taking the lead on this investigation. One of those teens had murdered that boy and when I’d had the opportunity to bring them in, I’d lost them; that was on me, and some way or another I’d find a way to convince the chief that he needed me on the job. 

                                                                            AUTHOR’S NOTES

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO JASON AND THE CHIEF! 

THANKS FOR READING!

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited

Chapter 17: Playing Favorites

Chapter 17

Timmy was still clinging to Jason when we made it home. I began to think that being with him 24/7 couldn’t really be that healthy if this was the reaction he was having after only being left for just a few hours.

“We’re going to have a hard time putting him to bed tonight.”

Jason nodded over Timmy’s curls. “I’m gonna watch TV with him till he falls asleep.”

“No seep!” Timmy replied adamantly.

Jason and I shared a knowing look. I thought of how it would be when we would have to leave him at school or at my mom’s when we began to work away from home and I could already imagine his reaction.

It wouldn’t be pretty.

Jason turned in the direction of the family room and I turned the opposite way, intent on heading into the kitchen, when Timmy’s face crumbled and the tears came without a beat.

“Micha no leave!” he bawled. His face was already turning a sad shade of red as he sobbed, one hand outstretched toward me.

I sighed. “I’m not going anywhere Timmy.” I told him calmly, but the tears only came harder.

Jason looked at me. “I knew we shouldn’t a left him.”

I moved to stand before them and lifted Timmy into my arms, but while he came willingly, he still kept one hand firmly grasping Jason’s shirt as his crying tapered off and he laid his head against my shoulder.

I looked helplessly at Jason, who only shrugged, so I turned to enter the family room when Timmy glanced up “Woom.” He ordered and so with Timmy clutching at us both, we made our way awkwardly up the stairs and of course when we made to turn left, he wanted to go right which was how we ended up in my room.

“Are you tired?” I asked him even though we all knew he was.

He shook his head. “No seep.”

“Then what do you want to do?”

Beside me, Jason rolled his eyes and Timmy pointed to the bed, so following his instructions, I walked over and deposited him onto the sheets—or at least tried to with him clinging to my neck like a little monkey.

I reached up and pried his little hands off, but he held on to my fingers anyway. I sighed. This was going to be a battle from here on out.

“Timmy if you don’t let go you won’t see what I got for you.” I told him and he glanced at Jason who was now sitting in bed beside him, then he glanced back at me with a frown.

“Don’t you want to see something cool?”

Once again he looked at Jason and it was only when his father nodded, that he let me go reluctantly.

The kid didn’t trust me. What else was new? So I slid off the bed and with both their eyes on me, I dug around inside the side table until I found what I was looking for; the glow in the dark stickers I’d gotten for him yesterday, right after my meeting.

The plan was to stick them onto his ceiling in his room, but what the heck.

I held the package up for him to see but he wasn’t impressed, so to illustrate the awesomeness that they were, I hopped onto the bed, tore the packet open and began sticking the things at random onto the ceiling. Jason and Timmy watched me silently and when I’d stuck the last one up there, neither looked particularly enthralled.

“It’s cool. You’ll see.” I told them before I hopped off the bed, crossed the room and turned out the light.

“Micha no—“Timmy was the first to start complaining.

“Look up” I said after I climbed into bed beside him, and so they did and immediately Timmy lowered himself onto his back and stuck his index and forefingers into his mouth.

He was captivated and so too it seemed, was Jason, who watched the ceiling in equal silence.

“What are they?” I asked and Timmy pointed.

“Staws.”

“Yeah. Do you like them?”

“Timmy have one?”

I stood again and pulled one off the ceiling and when I handed it to him, he flipped it over and over in his hand, taking in every detail in his inspection.

It was rubbery and it glowed and he was fascinated. We watched as Timmy turned on his side, fake star still in hand as he continued to watch it in silence. When I glanced up at Jason he was watching me, but rather than blushing and looking away as he tended to do, he frowned and shook his head.

I didn’t need to ask if he was still upset about earlier, even if I had no idea why he needed to be.

“You mind if I stay here tonight? He asked almost grudgingly and I shrugged before stretching out beside Timmy.

“Why would I mind?”

No response and as the silence descended, no more words were uttered between us.

Timmy fell asleep before I’d even realized it and soon Jason too was buried so deep under the covers, I couldn’t tell if he was dead or alive.

I stayed awake for most of the night, my thoughts were involuntarily drawn to the events of the day. Of how I’d let those kids slip through my fingers, but mostly, about how Jason had stupidly put himself at risk and , of how my dad had shut me out of a case he knew was mine.

It had been a long time since I’d felt so helpless. I looked over at the sleeping father and son whose lives I held in my hands; the only two people in the world who depended on me to keep them safe and to keep them happy.

 Then I thought of my father; who held my life in his hands. He decided if I continued in a job that meant the world to me. He decided if I pursued a matter that was rightly mine to pursue and I knew without an ounce of doubt, that when I barged into that office tomorrow morning, I’d be leaving disappointed because there was just no way he would agree to put me on that case.

And it was because I was his son.

I looked up at the glowing stars above me, then at the star trapped in Timmy’s little fist. He’d smothered it until it had lost its light. It was a reminder of how much I now had to lose and how quickly it could all disappear.

Much later I pushed up from bed and padded into the bathroom. I left the light off as I splashed my face by the sink and glanced up at the mirror even though I knew there was nothing to see.

Just a few hours earlier Jason had run out to meet me behind some half-dead shrubs in the woods where just a few steps away stood a dead body and men wielding guns. One sound, one rustle and there was every possibility that he would have been yet another body waiting to be tagged and deposited into a cooler.

I felt the cold sweat wash over me and not even a deep breath could calm my pounding heart. I gripped the sides of the sink as I took deep breath after deep breath. I thought about little Timmy without a father and me without a…

The light flickered on.

“Are you okay?”

I glanced up at the sound of his voice and felt my anger grow. “What the hell is wrong with you?” I hissed and he stepped back in surprise.

“Do you have any idea what could have happened out there today? You don’t do stupid shit in a situation like that. If I tell you to sit in the goddamn car. You sit. You don’t ask questions and you don’t come running!”

By now the surprise had transformed into anger and he glared at me as his hands fisted at his sides.

“Maybe if you didn’t think you were superman I wouldn’t a had to come rescue you.”

I could have laughed if the feeling was in me. “Rescue me?” I asked in disbelief “Are you even taking this seriously?”

“You were gonna take them on. If I didn’t pull you back you would a been dead right now.”

I shook my head and took another deep breath to calm my rage. “I’ve trained for situations like this. You’re just a kid.”

He folded his arms before him “Oh yeah? I’m just a kid?”

“Yes. You are and you can’t—”

“Funny. You didn’t think I was a kid when you were fucking me.”

I glanced quickly to the door and back. “Keep your damn voice down.”

“You’re a hypocrite.”

I ran a hand over my face and took a breath.

His frown deepened and when I only stood watching him in silence, the frown melted off his face, as did his anger. He dropped his hands and looked at me in defeat.

“You’re such an idiot.” He said quietly, then he turned and walked away.

When I reentered the room some minutes later only Timmy lay on the bed. I sighed.

The day had already started off on a bad note and the sun hadn’t even risen yet.

…………………………………………..

“Dad, you don’t understand.”

“No. I understand you feel the need to put yourself at risk every chance you get, but you’re the one who took on the responsibility that comes with having two people depending on you, so it’s time you live up to it.”

“Doing this won’t affect my ability to take care of them.”

“No it won’t, but failing to wait for backup in a situation that calls for it will.”

I sighed, before running a hand over my face. “I heard a woman screaming and shots were fired. Tell me you wouldn’t do the same thing if put in that situation.”

“We’re not talking about me. We’re talking about your inability to follow simple protocol.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit. What I did is no—”

“Watch your language.”

“How about we just cut the crap right now.”

His eyes narrowed and he adjusted himself on his chair. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You and I both know that if it were any other agent you’d have given him the stamp of approval the moment he walked into this office.”

“You think I’m saying no because you’re my son.”

“I know that’s the reason. It’s like the Warden OP all over again.”

He leaned forward and pointed an accusing finger at me. “I signed off on that OP. The two years you spent undercover in that damn prison is evidence enough.”

I shook my head. “No dad, you only signed off on it after the team practically begged you to. As long as I’m involved you hesitate every step of the way.”

He leaned back in his seat as he shuffled the papers on his desk. “Well you can rest assured that my decision today has nothing to do with our relationship.”

“Bullshit.”

“No Michael. What’s bullshit is the fact that I’m not suspending you right now for barging into my office with that bad attitude. I make the decisions here and agents follow. You don’t get to come in here and question them.

“Dad—”

“Michael, the only reason you’re not being escorted out of here right now is because you’re my son. Now get out and I don’t want to see you back here until your leave is officially over.”

For a moment we only glared at each other; the tension as thick as the silence, until I finally gritted my teeth and stood.

“Here.” Dad said and I turned to see him holding out a lime green gift bag. “Give this to the kid. I promised him I’d get him his own tools.” He said grudgingly and I took it and crossed the room. It took everything in me not to slam the door behind me like I used to do when I was a teenager living under his roof.

As I passed through the offices heading to the exit, most agents avoided my eyes; evidence enough that they’d heard enough of the conversation to form an opinion.

I dropped the bag filled with all sorts of colorful plastic tools onto the passenger seat and reveled in the satisfaction of being able to slam at least one door behind me.

It was a shitty start to a shitty day and I was in a shitty mood. I saved myself from the inevitable consequence of wondering what else could go wrong and instead started the engine and backed out of the space.

I decided I’d do what I always did whenever dad and I didn’t see eye to eye; I’d visit my mother.

………………………………………………..

Jason

Timmy was upset. He’d cried so much today, I’d wondered if a kid could lose so much water and still be able to stand upright. I told Michael Timmy would be miserable if he woke up and he wasn’t there, but Michael was stubborn. He just had to think he was always right.

It took me over half an hour to get him into some clothes and out the door and it wasn’t ’till we got to the park down the street that he stopped.

“Don’t you wanna go play with the kids?”

“No.”

We were sitting under a big tree in the middle of the park and there were kids just about his age running all over the place. He wouldn’t even go on the slides or the monkey bars or anything. He just crawled up in my lap, stuck his fingers into his mouth and that was that.

He was miserable; probably thought Michael wasn’t coming back. This was why I didn’t like leaving him alone for too long. He got to thinking all kinds a nonsense.

“Do you want ice-cream? I could go buy one for you.”

“No.”

I sighed. At least he’d stopped with the tears. I just wished he would get it in his head that I was never gonna leave him. Not me. Not ever.

When he was older he would understand that he was too important to me. He’d understand that I would always be there no matter what happened and that I would never treat him like he didn’t matter. I’d make sure he always had shoes to wear and food to eat and ice-cream and candy as often as I could give it to him. Then I’d make sure he got to go to school. Not like the way I went; which was maybe two times a month, three if I was lucky till I was fourteen and dropped out for good.

He’d go everyday he was supposed to; all five days of the week until he was old enough to leave; that way he’d learn everything I didn’t get the chance to. A proper education.

Then when he was old enough, I’d sent him to college if he wanted to go and he could be some bigshot doctor of whatever he wanted to be and he’d be happy.

I leaned over to look at him and he looked up at me. His eyes were still all wet and his nose was runny and his face was red. He wasn’t happy now.

He missed Michael and maybe I missed him too. I put a hand to my chest and took a deep breath. All day I kept feeling this twinge in my ribs; like my heart was hurting. I knew it was because I was scared for him. He thought he was this big, bad bulletproof man, but he wasn’t and now I didn’t even know if he was out there getting shot at or doing the shooting.

I didn’t know anything.

I looked down at the screen of the phone he gave me this morning: to call him on, he said, but I didn’t want to call him.

No, that was a lie. I wanted to call him. I wanted to call him so bad that I had to force myself not to, because I couldn’t. What if he was out there in the middle of some craziness and I called his phone and he got hurt because he was distracted? Then I wouldn’t forgive myself.

Timmy pointed to the phone and lifted his head to look at me. “Caw Micha now daddy?”

“Soon.” I told him, but I could tell he didn’t believe me ’cause he just looked away and shoved his fingers back into his mouth and that’s when the tears started coming again; just trickling down his face all silent-like and I felt guilty and shitty and awful.

“Michael’s coming back Timmy. I swear.”

“Micha no come.”

“He is, I told you. You’ll see.”

“Micha no come.” He argued with me and I sighed.

Michael better come. He was the one who told me the case was gonna be easy enough to solve. He was the one who said that once they identified the body, they just needed to figure out who the dead guy’s friends were and who he hung out with and then maybe it would be one of those other people who were there in the woods yesterday. He was the one who said he probably wouldn’t even see any real action; that they would just be investigating and that he’d be back tonight. He’d told me all that this morning and he couldn’t go letting Timmy down tonight.

“Do you want to go play with Kyle’s puppies?”

“Puppies?”

“Yeah…you remember you played with them on the boat?”

He nodded.

“You wanna go play with them again?”

He nodded, so I pulled out the phone and typed in the number I’d memorized for Kyle and while it rang, I hoped and hoped that he would answer and that he’d be free and we could hang out so Timmy could play with the dogs.

“Hello?”

“Hi…Kyle?”

“Yeah this is Kyle. You sound familiar, who’s this?”

“It’s Jason. I’m Michael’s…friend…remember we came on your boat and-”

“Jason of course, I remember you! You have that crush on Michael! What’s up?”

I felt my whole face go red. “I’m not… I don’t-”

He laughed. “Don’t worry, I’ll take it with me to the grave.” He said, then “Hey do you wanna hang out sometime? When are you free? Johnny taught me how to bake brownies last week and I need a taster.”

“Ahmm…I’m free today— Now actually…if you have the time. I have Timmy with me.”

“Really? Perfect. You know I told Johnny last night that I had a feeling today was gonna be good. Come over and take fat cheeks with you.”

I frowned “Fat cheeks?”

“Yeah your baby. He can play with the puppies.”

When he told me his address and after he hung up, I picked Timmy up and took him with me across the field and down the road to the bus stop.

…………………………………………………………

Michael

“He’s being unreasonable.”

“No Michael, you’re being unreasonable. Your father knows best.”

I gave her a look that must have told her what I thought of that particular statement and she smiled.

“Well he knows best this time.”

I shook my head before taking a bite of the cookie she’d baked with Timmy the day before. It was ill-shaped and had more chocolate chunks than actual cookie dough, but they were surprisingly pretty good.

“He’s biased.”

“He’s protective of you, you know that. Give him a break.”

“Mom—”

“Don’t mom me sweetheart. Do you know how hard it was for him to let you go on that mission last time. Two years you were gone from us and half the time we were going out of our minds thinking about all the things that could have gone wrong.”

“Well I’m here now and I’m whole. I can’t be an agent if I’m not able to do my job.”

“You’re on leave, you don’t need to do any job right now.”

“I’m fine and he knows it. He’s just using it as an excuse to keep me away from anything to do with the job I’m trained for.”

“Because he doesn’t want you to get hurt Michael. You’re his son”

“And that’s the problem isn’t it?”

She had nothing to say after that and I had nothing to offer, so I took a bite out of my Timmy-baked cookie and used the silence to think.

………………………………………………………..

Jason

Kyle hugged me after he invited us into his house, then he hugged Timmy too and stood for a little while just staring down at him with a frown. “Why were you crying?”

Timmy looked up at him with his red, splotchy face and runny nose, but he didn’t say anything.

“You know what? I have something to cheer you up.” He said and we followed him through his huge room and into an even bigger kitchen

It smelled really good in there—like chocolate and frosting and warm cake.

“Here.” Kyle picked up a brownie from a plate full of the stuff and gave it to Timmy.

I watched him as he flipped it over and over, wiped his nose in his sleeve, then took a big bite. I think Kyle was really excited about it because he had this huge grin on his face as he watched my babe chew, but then Timmy frowned and his chewing got slower and slower till he swallowed and held it out for me to take.

“No.” he told me, so I took it and took a bite and I could understand why Timmy didn’t want the rest.

“Johnny loves it. He says my brownies are the best.” He said looking extra proud and I figured Johnny was only trying not to hurt his feelings, so I ate it all so I wouldn’t hurt it either.

“Puppies?” Timmy was asking him because we could hear them barking in the other room. Kyle pointed out the way for Timmy and when I nodded to give him permission he ran in that direction and disappeared around the corner.

Less than a minute later the barking got louder and we could hear Timmy laughing and suddenly I felt much better.

“Alright. Tell me everything.”

I looked at Kyle with a frown. “What do you mean?”

“I mean I want to hear it all; the good, the bad and the ugly…and don’t bother telling me there’s nothing to tell because Michael and Johnny talk and I know.” He wagged his finger in my face, then grabbed my arm and pulled me over to a stool.

“What do you mean they talk?”

He pulled out a stool beside me and when he looked up he grinned.

“You have no idea.”

                                                                 AUTHOR’S NOTES

ENJOY!

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Chapter 18: Choose.

Chapter 18

Michael

Timmy latched on to my leg the moment I unlocked the front door and stepped into the house.

“Hey buddy.” I dropped my keys in the tray by the door and picked him up.

When I looked at him he was frowning at me; his mouth turned down in a miserable pout and his eyes narrowed in accusation.

“Alright, what did I do?” I asked, stepping further into the room.

“Micha no come.” He said finally.

“But I’m here now. I’m sorry. How was your day?” I questioned and while he still looked at me with suspicion, he decided to vacate the topic of my absence…at least for now.

“Daddy no let Timmy pay.” He said and I looked at the toy-covered floors that certainly hadn’t been that way when I’d left this morning, then I looked at him.

“But it looks like you played all day Timmy. Where’s daddy?”

He pointed to the kitchen and I followed his direction.

“Daddy dirty.” He told me seriously.

“He is?” I asked him. “How come?”

“I no know.” He replied, just before wrapping his arms around my head and kissing me squarely on the eyelid and I felt a warmth blossom in my chest. It was the moments like this that made me pause and think about how far I’d come with these two; father and son.

I reached up and ruffled his curls and he dropped his head onto my shoulder, before sticking his favorite fingers into his mouth.

I carried him with me into the kitchen, just in time to see Jason enter through the back door as filthy as Timmy had said. He was shirtless and sweating and I watched in appreciation as he wiped his palms on the shirt he held. When he looked up and saw me he froze for a fraction of a second, before he sighed in what I could only describe as relief.

“You’re here.” He said as though surprised by that fact, then just as quickly, gestured to the door. “The patio’s pretty much done.”

“Yeah? I thought it would take a week more at least.”

He shrugged. “I just have a little bit more to do.” He said and I noticed how he fought not to meet my eyes, instead turning his attention on Timmy, who was watching him without a word.

“You tired?” he asked his son and to my surprise, Timmy turned his head away from him.

“Hey.” I nudged him gently.“ Daddy’s talking to you.“ I told him, but he didn’t budge.

“He’s mad at me ’cause I didn’t let him play in the dirt.”

Ah…that would explain the ’ daddy no let Timmy pay’ rant he’d had going earlier.

“But big boys don’t play in the dirt. Aren’t you a big boy?” I asked him and when he looked at me it was with a frown.

“No.”

I chuckled. “Then what are you?”

“Timmy.”

I laughed. “Is that what you are?” and I tickled him causing him to giggle and squirm in my arms.

“No Micha!” he protested in a fit of giggles and when I had mercy on him and finally looked at Jason, it was to see him watching us; his expression unreadable.

“Everything okay?”

His eyes narrowed and for a moment I thought he wouldn’t say a word, but then he shrugged and walked past me. “I’m gonna shower.”

Timmy and I watched him cross the room and as he exited the kitchen I came to the conclusion that he was still upset with me.

I took a breath, then turned by attention back to the little guy. “Are you hungry?”

“Yes.”

“He just ate something!” Jason shouted from upstairs and Timmy’s frown deepened.

“How about a snack?” I whispered conspiratorially and when he nodded I got the distinct impression that he knew this would be our little secret.

When I turned and bent, intent on setting him down before the fridge, his arms tightened around my neck and he wrapped his legs as tight as he could around me.

“Don’t you want to choose what you want?” I asked him as he fought to keep his hold.

“Alright, here.” I straightened and opened the fridge and he peered into it and made his decision.

“Gwape.”

“Grapes?”

“Gwape.” He nodded and I pulled out the container in which they were stored. When I handed it to him, he took it with both hands and I reached back in to pull out his water bottle.

By the time I’d closed the fridge and carried him out the door and into the family room, he’d already dropped a trail of grapes onto the floor and messed up his white shirt.

“Timmy watch?” he asked, pointing to the TV as we sat.

“What do you want to watch” I picked up the remote and flipped it on.

One thing I’d learned about Timmy was that when it came to his cartoons he was very picky. I’d once spent fifteen minutes flipping through channels at his command until I found one he was comfortable with.

When I flipped to the first one he shook his head; the juices from the grapes running down his chin and staining his shirt.

I sighed. “Remember Popy?” I asked him and he paused.“

“Popy?”

“Yeah, he gave me a surprise for you, do you want to see it?” I asked with exaggerated excitement and whether or not he understood what I was saying, he grinned, showing dimples and teeth.

“Popy come?” he asked, craning his neck to see out into the empty hall.

“No, but he gave me something just for you. I’ll go get it, just wait right-” I began, but he latched on to my arm as I shifted him from my lap with the intent to stand, so I picked him up— grape bowl and all and carried him with me to the door where I retrieved my keys, and then to the car to get the big green gift bag.

While I carried it and Timmy back up the pathway and into the house, he tried unsuccessfully to peer in.

Since the time I walked through the door, he’d clung to me refusing to let go but when I reentered the family room and deposited the bag onto the floor, he was sliding out of my arms, handing me his grapes and moving to stand over his prize.

When he reached in and pulled out the first plastic tool I reached for my phone to video call my dad. He answered on the first ring and I turned the screen to Timmy.

“Hey Timmy tell Popy thanks.” I told him and when he looked up and saw dad on the screen, it was as if Christmas had come early; or in his case, as if bunny had come to life.

“Popy.” He said, waving the long plastic hammer.

“What’d you got there son?” dad asked, leaning back in his oversized office chair with a satisfied grin on his face.

“Good quaty?” Timmy asked him and he laughed; a deep belly laugh that was so contagious Timmy laughed with him.

“Of course it’s good quality.” Dad said with amusement. “I picked it out myself.”

And Timmy pulled out another tool and another and another and pretty soon, they were having a long senseless discussion about tools and toys and before long Timmy had showed him almost all the toys in the room.

“…es Bunny.” Timmy introduced the stuffed rabbit, shaking him so his long floppy ears jumped to the motion.

“Yeah I remember that one. I bet that’s your favorite huh?”

“No.” was his immediately reply, before he reached over to steal a grape from the container I held.

“You sure about that? It looks more raggedy than all the toys you’ve shown me so far.” Dad continued and it was a wonder he had the patience to carry on a conversation with Timmy.

Twenty minutes we’d sat here and we’d already witnessed him turn down a call from his secretary just so he could listen to Timmy’s gibberish.

“Daddy no let Timmy pay.” He said at random then and my dad’s brows creased.

“Pay for what?

“He means play dad.” I interpreted.

“Ah…why doesn’t he want you to play?”

“Cause daddy say no Timmy.” Was his reasoning and dad nodded in understanding.

“Well kid, sometimes dad’s just know what’s good for you and sometimes you just gotta stop fighting it and listen.” He said and I got the distinct impression that the old man was talking to me.

I shook my head.

“No.”

Dad laughed. “You’re just like Michael.”

“Popy no let Micha leave”

“He won’t be going anywhere. He’s staying with you all week.” He said seriously and again; I shook my head.

“No let Micha leave.” Timmy repeated and I picked him up from his perch on the ground and pulled him into the couch with me, where I let him spread out on top of me on his back so we could both look at the screen comfortably.“

“Alright buddy. I’ll make sure of it.” He said and Timmy stuck his finger into his mouth.

“You hear that Michael?” dad addressed me for the first time. “You have people depending on you now. Those two boys are your responsibility because you made them your responsibility and choosing to put yourself in danger, whether it’s your job or not, affects them too.”

“Don’t try to play the saint dad. You did it for years. Why is this any different?”

“Yeah I did, and it took me too long to realize what it was doing to my family, but when I did I quit the field.”

“Are you telling me to quit now? Because if you—”

“I’m telling you to think about those boys and what they need. You chose them so now you gotta live with it.”

“Doing my job won’t prevent me from looking out for them.”

“No, but it will damn well make them worry. What did you tell me the day I quit field work?”

“Damn” Timmy repeated.

“No, you say darned remember?” was my dad’s quick reply and Timmy frowned.

I began to shake my head, then froze. I thought about the years of sitting at the top of those stairs waiting for him to come home every night and worrying myself silly when he didn’t. I thought about my mom handing me hot chocolate before lowering herself beside me so we could wait together and how my sister would sneak into my parents room in the early hours of the morning just to make sure he’d come home safe the night before.

Then I pictured Timmy and Jason doing the exact same thing and I closed my eyes.

“You see how this will play out don’t you?” dad interrupted the silence and Timmy reached up and took the phone from me, holding it closer to his face.

“I’ve wanted this job my whole life.” I told him softly and I watched him shrug.

“No one’s telling you to quit the job you love Michael. I just want you to know that your decisions affect everyone around you; whether or not you have good intentions.” he explained. “That’s what happens when you have a family; they have to factor into your choices too.”

I glanced up when Jason entered the room, his hair damp and a towel slung over his shoulder.

When Timmy saw him, he rolled and dropped the phone onto my chest before sliding to the ground to go to him.

“Ah keen now?” he asked him and Jason picked him up with a grin.“

“You talking to me now?”

“No.”

“You tired?”

“No.”

“Ready for a bath?”

Finally Timmy nodded and as I watched them exit the room; Timmy babbling as he went and I felt a warmth bloom in my chest.

“Dad I’ll call you in the morning alright?”

“You do that.” He said. “Tell the kid I’ll talk to him later.” And a moment later the line went dead.

I thought about the parents who would soon be expected to identify their son’s body at the morgue and the kids standing over his lifeless body with weapons in hand. Then I thought about Jason’s horrified expression as he crouched there with me in the bushes and I ran a hand over my face. My dad was right. Doing my job was one thing, but consciously putting myself in harm’s way went beyond that; even if I was doing it for the right reasons. I thought about what would happen to Jason and Timmy if something happened to me.

I knew without a doubt that my mother would see to their needs and dad would too, if only to appease her, but at the end of the day, there was no telling what Jason would do. He was as unpredictable as the rain, but something told me he would take Timmy and go. Maybe back to living as they used to; I didn’t know.

I thought about the girl kneeling by the side of her fallen friend and how her screams had been tragic and unnatural in the quiet woodland, and finally I thought about the agents my dad had put in charge of the case. They were damn good at their jobs. They were men I trusted and men who cared that a child had been killed.

They were good, but maybe I thought I could do better, or maybe I thought I had something to prove after being out of commission so long. Or maybe…maybe it was because I’d knelt there and watched them talking over the body of someone they’d just gunned down and I’d felt helpless. Maybe I blamed myself for letting them get away.

I didn’t know what it was, but there was an almost overwhelming urge to do something .

I looked at the toys scattered over the floor and the half eaten bowl of grapes sitting on the carpet. I looked at the dictionary lying on the edge of the coffee table and the disorganized books on the shelf. I listened to Timmy’s muffled words as his father ran his bath upstairs and I heard Jason’s quiet footfalls on the floor above. I thought of my job and I thought of my boys and I decided that they both mattered to me. They were both important, but at the end of the day those two upstairs; my family , meant much more to me.

I stood and bent to retrieve the grapes. On my way to the kitchen, I turned out the lights and after I’d replaced the container in the fridge, I made my way up the stairs.

I could do my job without searching out every risky situation that came about. I could do my job and I could love my boys.

Sometimes my dad could be a damn fool, but mom was right, this time he knew best.

……………………………………………………..

Minutes later when I pushed open the door of the bathroom, they both glanced up at me. Timmy was seated in the bathwater; his hair soapy and sticking every which way and his toys were floating around him.

“Can we talk?” I asked him and Jason looked away.

“When he’s asleep.” He said with a ring of finality and Timmy frowned up at him.

“No seep.”

“Too bad.”

“No bad.” He retorted and Jason continued shampooing his hair without a word. I leaned against the wall and watched them. Father and son in these simple domesticated roles had me craving them more.

Jason had his curls pulled back from his face with a shoe lace and for whatever reason, the sight of him like that turned me on.

“I understand why you’re upset.” I spoke and he cut me a look that told me just what he thought of that admission.

“Let’s just wait ’till Timmy’s asleep and then we can talk about…whatever.”

“Daddy no seep.”

“What’s it matter if we talk now or when he’s asleep?” I questioned in frustration and he shook his head.

“Exactly.”

So rather than argue I stood and waited for him to finish Timmy’s bath and brush his teeth, then when he’d forced him into his pajamas and had him tucked away into bed, I sat in the armchair and watched them.

Jason had turned out the light so that the only illumination came from the kid’s nightlight across the room. They were in bed; Timmy wrapped nice and snug under the sheets and Jason curled around him as they sang their ABC’s. I’d learned that it was the quickest way to put Timmy to sleep and after about the third time around, his eyes drooped one last time and he was out.

I sat in the silence and watched them for a while. Jason stayed like that; holding his sleeping son for another fifteen minutes, before he finally pushed up from the bed and padded across the carpet.

His eyes caught mine briefly before he exited and after a quick glance at his son, I followed him out of the room and into the hallway; closing the door behind me as I went.

He took a few steps down the hall before stopping to lean against the wall, with his arms crossed before him.

When I approached him, he tried to move away, but I trapped him with a hand on his hips.

“Im not…don’t…” he protested and I looked away from his torso and into his flushed face. He was frowning, but the desire I saw in his eyes was enough for me to lean into him, pressing the lower half of our bodies together. He sucked in a breath and I pulled his arms apart.

“Don’t what?” I whispered and he blushed red, but when I leaned in to take his lips, he turned his head away.

“You said…” he swallowed. “You said you wanted to talk so…” He swallowed again. “I just wanna talk.”

When I reached up to pull the lace from his hair he froze, and when I ran my hands slowly down his neck his pulse quickened.

“You sure about that?”

It took him a minute, but eventually he nodded and I backed away; but only a little.

“My dad said something to me today that made me realize that I’ve been selfish.” I began and he finally glanced at me. “I’ve been making decisions as if I’m still a single man living alone.” I explained and he frowned.

“You are a single man.” He said, his voice shaking with uncertainty.

“You know that’s not true.”

He shook his head. “I don’t know anything.”

I reached and cupped his cheek. “You know I don’t want anyone else.” I told him and again he shook his head.

“No.” he protested and his words sounded weak with desperation.

“You know what you mean to me Jason.”

“I don’t.” he said. “Please don’t do this.” And placed his palms flat against my chest, intent on pushing me away. I grabbed his wrists.

“You know I’m yours.” I said seriously. “I’m yours.” He tried to pull away. “I love you.” I told him, meaning every word as I tried to meet his eyes.

“You can’t.” he whispered brokenly and I took his face in my hands, forcing him to look at me.

“Why not?”

“Because… you just can’t .” he pleaded miserably and rather than trying to form words that couldn’t really express what I was feeling, I leaned in and took his lips.

He didn’t protest after that; even as I pressed him into the wall and ran my hands over his body. Even as I suckled his neck and left my mark and even when I led him into my bedroom and lifted him onto the bed.

He only watched me with heat in his eyes as I climbed on top of him and took his lips again.

Moments later I stripped him, spread his legs and fucked him.

When it was over, he fell asleep in my arms.

                                                                  AUTHOR’S NOTES

SORRY FOR THE WAIT GUYS, UNFORTUNATELY, WRITING THREE BOOKS AT THE SAME TIME ISN’T AS SIMPLE AS I’D THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.

THANKS FOR STICKING WITH ME AND I’M DEFINITELY WORKING TO UPLOAD FASTER. FEEL FREE TO CHECK OUT A COUPLE OF MY OTHER WORKS;

DOMINANCE AND SUBMISSION

(IF YOU’RE INTO TASTEFUL BDSM) AND

A VAMPIRE’S MARINE

ON MY PROFILE.

THANKS FOR READING.

KEEP SWEET!

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Chapter 19: Sick Day

Chapter 19

I hadn’t handled last night well.

I ran the towel through my hair a few times before dropping it at the end of the bed. He watched me as I pulled on a pair of loose fitting pants and the first shirt I touched, but he said nothing. I’d always prided myself in the fact that I was a damn good profiler, but as the silence grew thicker in the room, I couldn’t hope to decipher what was going through his head or what would come next.

“I’d planned a whole speech in my head last night.” I told him as I turned and leaned against the closet door.

“A speech for what?” he asked quietly and I smiled even though I certainly had no reason to.

“For you…For me…about how I’d seen the error of my ways.” I told him. “My dad helped me realize how selfish I’d been acting.” I continued.

I watched him sit up slowly in the bed, taking care to ensure the sheets were secure around his waist. “Not selfish…just stupid and reckless.” He said seriously and this time I chuckled.

“Maybe a little bit of all three then.” I said and he offered me a small smile. I gestured to him and the surrounding area. “I hadn’t planned on this to be honest. It just…sort of happened”.

“Because you can’t control yourself?” he asked and I raised a brow.

“I wouldn’t exactly say I can’t control myself, it was-”

“If you could control yourself then you would have.” He said simply. There was no malice, no amusement, just pure facts.

“Well…“I paused, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. “Maybe when you’re involved I just lose my ability to.”

He shook his head and his eyes narrowed. “I wish you would stop saying shit like that.”

I frowned and pushed off the door. “Why is it so hard for you to accept the fact that you actually mean something to me?”

“Cause you’re just wasting your time and there aint no point.”

When I moved to sit on the edge of the bed, he drew his legs up and wrapped his arms around them, resting his chin on his knees.

“Why do you think it’s a waste of time?”

He shook his head. “Cause it is.”

“Then explain it to me. I’d like to understand.”

It took him a while to say anything at all, but finally, he took a breath and his voice, when he spoke, was low and careful…but it was also firm.

“My old man used to tell me that you can’t just get shit… you wanna be something worthwhile then you gotta bring something to the table. You don’t just get to have stuff just because.” He gritted out, eyes narrowed and glaring.

I watched him carefully, letting his words sink in. “So you’re saying I haven’t brought anything to the table.” I surmised, but he shook his head and sighed.

“I’m saying I don’t got nothing bringing to the table and that aint fair. You can’t give a shit about somebody when they got nothing to offer you.”

I shook my head. “You think you have nothing to offer?” I questioned incredulously. “Jason look at yourself. You’re a man who’s had to fight for everything he’s wanted for years. You had to put up with a father who didn’t deserve you. You’ve had to struggle living on the streets and through all of that, you managed to raise a beautiful little boy who looks at you like you hung the moon.” I told him seriously, and though he listened, he said nothing.

“You’re the most responsible, hardworking and selfless person I know. If anyone out there has anything to offer it’s you.” I told him, but he looked away. “You think I care if you don’t have money or a house or any of all the other things that don’t matter?” I questioned him. “You’ve made me a happy man by just being here.” He looked at me then and I continued. “That’s the best thing anyone can offer a person. Trust me.”

He looked at me for a long time after that, like he could read the truth in my eyes and he had to be sure it was what he was seeing. So I went ahead and held his gaze, refusing to look away before he found exactly what he was looking for, and when he did, he nodded slowly.

“Okay.”

I raised a brow, wanting to ask him the conclusion he’d come to but not wanting to push him. So finally I nodded too and stood and his eyes followed me.

“Are you still gonna work on your case?” he questioned and I shook my head.

“No.” I told him. “The chief already put some guys on it. I’ll let them do their job.”

He surprised me with a smile and I felt a brief tightening of my chest before.

“Do you think you can go check on Timmy? He’s normally up by now.” Hr requested and with a nod, I stood and crossed the room.

Once I exited, I crossed the hall, thinking on his words and that smile and the night before.

Jesus.

If this constant whirlwind of thoughts and emotions was what it meant to be in love, then I had a renewed sense of respect for people like my parents who’d managed to do it for decades. I pushed open the door to Timmy’s room and peeked in, just to make sure he was alright, but he was already sitting up in bed playing with bunny, so he spotted me the moment my head popped in.

He didn’t call for me as expected, but instead he dropped the bunny and raised his arms, so I crossed the floor and picked him up.

“Morning little man.” I greeted him, noticing his flushed cheeks and runny nose.

He dropped his head onto my shoulder without a greeting in return and I reached up to feel his forehead with the back of my hand.

He had a slight fever.

“Hey, you alright buddy? I asked him gently, but he only reached up to play with the button on my shirt and I ran a hand through his curls.

“You want some tea?” I questioned and only then did he nod, granted it wasn’t with his usual enthusiasm.

I pulled the blanket from the bed and wrapped it around his small frame, before turning to exit the room. He was silent as I crossed the hall and when I pushed open my own room door and looked in, Jason was still in bed, a hand thrown lazily over his eyes as he soaked in the sun streaming through the window.

He glanced up when I entered.

“I think he’s sick.” I told him in a tone that was soothing for Timmy’s benefit.

Jason frowned and gestured for me to bring his son to him. When I was next to him, he felt Timmy’s cheeks and forehead, much like I’d done earlier.

“You feeling sick babe?” he questioned, but Timmy only watched him. His big eyes looking sad and miserable.

“Can you give him something warm to drink?” he asked, pushing up from the bed with the covers still wrapped securely around his waist. “Just gimmie a minute and I’ll come down.” He explained and so I did as requested.

I carried the quiet Timmy out of the room and down the stairs. When I placed him on the couch, wrapped the blanket around him and switched on the TV, he didn’t even make a fuss. I would have been lying if I said I wasn’t worried as I watched him. He didn’t even make an effort to suck his favorite fingers.

I made quick work of his tea in the kitchen and contemplated dialing my mom as I carried his cup with the warm liquid back into the family room where he still lay.

“Here’s your tea buddy.” I told him softly. He allowed me to pull him into my lap and didn’t even try to take over like he usually did when I attempted to feed him. He merely drank the offered liquid as his eyes remained glued to the cartoon playing on the screen.

I took my time feeding him; raising the cup to his mouth in between brief pauses, and through it all he didn’t make a sound. I wasn’t used to him like this. I wanted him energetic and talkative; like he’d been just the night before and every day before that.

“You want some mac and cheese?” I asked him when he managed to drink half the contents of the cup and he shook his head.

He must really be feeling sick if he was turning down his favorite meal.

I pressed a hand to his forehead and frowned. When I was sick, I popped a few pills and went on with life, but this was a little kid. I didn’t know what the protocol was when it came to them and their needs.

“You want your grapes?”

“No.”

“Strawberries?”

“No.”

“What do you want”?

“No.” he shook his head again and with a helpless shake of my own head, I tipped the cup of tea to his mouth again.

As he drank, he reached up to absently twist his hair around his finger.

“Daddy.” Timmy pronounced when I lowered the cup again and I looked up to see Jason leaning against the wall, watching us.

“Hey babe. You feeling better?”

“No.” he said shaking his head. His brows were furrowed and his mouth pulled down in a miserable pout.

Jason pushed off the wall and came to kneel in front of us. He placed his palm against his son’s cheek and Timmy leaned his head into it.

“You’re gonna feel better soon.” He told him. “I promise.”

“Some?” Timmy pointed to the cup I held, and Jason shook his head, but smiled.

“That’s yours, you drink it.” He said and Timmy tilted his head, letting the top of it rest against my chest as he looked up at me expectantly.

““More?” I asked, and when he nodded, I continued to feed him. He kept his eyes planted on Jason the whole time he drank, and when he was done, he raised his arms for Jason to pick him up.

I watched him straighten and lift Timmy into his arms.

“You think his fever’s getting worse?” I asked him and he shrugged.

“He’s gonna be alright. We just gotta make sure we keep giving him things to drink, like porridge and orange juice and water.” He explained. “It aint nothing serious.”

I nodded slowly, my eyes on the little thing, then I glanced down at the phone beside me.

“Mind if I get a second opinion?” I asked him. “Just to be sure.”

Again he shrugged, so I picked up the phone and dialed my mom. She answered after the third ring and I kept my eyes on them as we spoke. Her first question was of course about Timmy and I explained that he’d woken up ill.

“He’ll be fine Michael, just keep him hydrated. Make sure he gets some vitamin C in him; Orange juice will do and some soup wouldn’t hurt either.” She told me. “And lots of rest. That’s important.” I nodded.

“Thanks mom, I appreciate it.”

“Of course honey. I’m glad you have someone to take care of.” Brief pause. “I never liked seeing you so alone.”

After we’d said our goodbyes, I nodded at the question in Jason’s eyes.

“You were right of course.” I said “She said to keep him hydrated and let him rest.”

Jason nodded. “Kids get sick.” He told me wisely. “You just gotta keep your head and do what you gotta do.”

“Yes sir.” I joked and we shared a smile.

“Bunny?” Timmy asked, rubbing his eyes and I stood and deposited the empty cup on the coffee table.

“I’ll go get it.”

I took the stairs two at a time and when I reached his room I plucked Bunny off the bed by his ugly floppy ears, grabbed Timmy’s bed slippers in the process and made my way back down to the family room. There, Jason stood with a tissue at Timmy’s nose.

“Blow.” He told him and Timmy did as he asked.

When he wiped him up and his face was nice and clean, I watched him lay Timmy on the couch, pulling the colorful blanket over his small frame. He fluffed up the little pillow we always kept down there for Timmy and after dropping the slippers on the floor by the chair, I handed him his Bunny.

I just couldn’t understand how he could be sick when we did everything we could to keep him healthy. We didn’t take him out in the rain or the cold air without the proper protection. We made sure he ate healthy and we kept him happy. It just highlighted the fact that little people were just fragile and in need of extra care and attention if you wanted them to grow up well.

Timmy rubbed his eyes slowly and yawned. For once he didn’t fuss or fight it as the sleep came. He just closed his eyes and let it happen and I found that I didn’t like seeing him like this-not one bit.

“I’m gonna go make him some porridge for when he wakes up.”

“But he hates porridge.” I whispered, following him out of the room.

“Yeah well… When a kid’s sick, it don’t matter what he wants. The only thing that matters is that he gets healthy again.” He told me seriously and I nodded in agreement.

“You don’t seem too concerned right now. My heart’s racing.” I chuckled to make light of what I was feeling, but I could see that he knew I was just about ready to steal his son away and run with him to the emergency room.

“I used to be like that.” He told me as he got the ingredients out of the cupboards. “But after a while you get used to this kinda thing.”

I nodded as I sat at the stool to watch him, but I didn’t really think I’d ever get used to seeing my boy sick.

Jason placed a pot with water on the stove and lit it and with a frustrated sigh, I got up to make us breakfast. No point in neglecting our own health at a time like this.

…………………………………………….

The day passed slowly and uneventfully. While Timmy slept, we sat around and talked or watched the muted television and took turns feeling his skin to check on his fever. We woke him around lunch time and I listened to him cry as Jason forced him to eat his porridge, then I carried him to the bathroom and held his hands while he used the toilet. He slept for hours after that, only waking briefly to cry for his Bunny, who had fallen off the couch while he’d slept.

Jason woke him two more times after that. Once to feed him some orange juice and another time to feed him his dinner; the chicken noodle soup I’d helped him prepare. When the doorbell rang around six that evening, he was down again, sucking his fingers while he slept. I opened the door to Kyle and John; one of them carrying two containers that smelled suspiciously like homemade brownies, and the other holding the leash of two very excited little dogs.

“Sorry to drop in on you like this.” John was saying as I led them into the kitchen. “Kyle insisted.”

“It’s not a problem, you guys know you’re welcome anytime.”

“That’s what I kept telling him.” Kyle explained to me, then rolled his eyes at his partner, who only shook his head.

I grinned. “Where’s fat cheeks? The puppies were missing him so I figured I’d bring them over.”

I glanced toward the family room just as Jason entered the kitchen. “He’s passed out on the couch. He’s been down with a cold all day.”

Kyle frowned. “Aww the poor baby. Good thing I brought him some treats.” He gestured to the brownies he’d placed on the counter. “They’ll cheer him right up. I’ll just let the puppies loose in your back yard then so they don’t disturb him.” Then he gestured to Jason. “Come on we can catch up while we watch them.”

And so they went and John took a seat around my counter.

“A word of advice.” He began and I looked at him quizzically. “Throw out the brownies as soon as we leave.”

I laughed. “When’s he gonna learn he can’t cook to save his life?”

John smiled in amusement. “He’s in denial.”

“You want a beer?” I asked him on my way to the fridge.

“Sure.”

When I opened two of them and slid one across the counter to him, he was watching me.

“Heard you wont be working the homicide investigation.”

I grabbed the seat across from him and ran a hand through my hair. ““Maybe it’s for the best.”

He raised a brow in surprise. “Since when?”

I took a swig of the liquid and glanced toward the family room where Timmy slept. “Since I have a family to think about now.”

It was a moment before he said anything to that. Instead he watched me and I let him. Ever the thinker, ever the one who had to analyze every situation.

“You should take us up on our offer then. “he said “You know Nate and I are starting a business and there’s always a place for you there.”

I shook my head. “And you know I’m never leaving the FBI.”

“Maybe it’s time you consider it.”

“You really think you’re going to be satisfied as a private investigator” I asked seriously. “After everything we’ve been through at the Bureau?”

He shrugged. “Who knows. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t…but it’s like you said. I’ve got a family to think about. You’ve seen Kyle…he can’t even squash a bug. He needs me alive.”

I chuckled “Yeah…well I don’t plan on dying.”

John smiled. “Nobody really plans on dying Michael.”

……………………………..

Two hours and a lot of conversation later, Timmy walked into the kitchen. He was barefooted, with Bunny in one hand and his blanket in the other. He paused when he saw John, but raised his arms as soon as he spotted me, and I hopped off the stool and lifted him into my arms. Bunny and the blanket fell to the floor.

“Hey buddy.” I greeted, before feeling his head. The fever hadn’t broken yet. “How are you feeling?”

“Tea?” came his immediate reply and it was a good thing I’d had the sense to put on the kettle earlier. The water was already warm and ready for him.

“You wanna say hi to uncle Johnny?” I asked him as we passed the silent John on our way to the kettle. While he watched him, he didn’t reply and I grinned before turning my attention to the task at hand.

When I was done, I took my seat on the stool and sat him in my lap and like he’d done earlier, he allowed me to feed him. As he drank, his eyes remained on John and John’s eyes remained on him.

“You change your mind about having kids yet?”

John snorted. “Doubt I ever will.”

“What if Kyle wants them?”

He frowned then and finally shook his head. “I’m hoping he won’t change his mind either.”

“And if he does?”

“Then I guess we’ll be coming to you for advice on how to raise a kid then, won’t we?” he said unhappily and I laughed. Yeah because Kyle always got what he wanted. John just couldn’t help himself.

I set the cup on the table and held Timmy out to him. “Want to hold him?”

“No.” they said in unison and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Trust me, when you have one of your own you’ll wonder why you waited so long.”

John wasn’t convinced. “So you three are a done deal then?”

“I hope so.” I said seriously “I’m already in love with them…can’t go back now.”

Timmy began to fuss and I handed him the cup; holding the bottom so he wouldn’t spill it.

“Well then good luck.”

Kyle, Jason and the dogs took that moment to come in, and to my surprise, when Timmy spotted the furry creatures he didn’t even bat an eye. He did gave a cursory glance, but they could have been invisible for all the attention he gave them.

“Oh look, he’s awake.” Kyle pointed out when he saw us. He came to a stop by my side and held out a hand, which after only brief consideration Timmy touched…if only for a moment.

Before the two could interact further though, John stood. “We’d better be going now.” He announced and Kyle glanced over at him with a frown. I suppressed a grin. If John thought prying Kyle away from Timmy would keep him from changing his mind about kids, he had another thing coming.

“We’ve been here all of five minutes Johnny.”

He raised a brow. “Try two hours.” Then he took the leashes from Kyle and began moving away.

“It was nice catching up.” I said, helping him out. “And thanks again for the brownies.” It was only then that Kyle shrugged and turned to go. “We’ll visit again soon then…and I’ll bring more for you guys.” He said. Jason left to follow them to the door and a minute later he returned.

He pointed to the brownies and said seriously; “You shouldn’t eat that.”

I chuckled. “Yeah John gave me the heads up.”

He smiled before taking the seat John had previously occupied. “I like your friends.” He said simply and I nodded.

“Good to know.”

“Kyle said he invested in John’s business.” He explained, looking down at his hands

I could already see where he was going with this. “Yeah I’m aware.”

“So even though he doesn’t work, what he did made it so that he kinda does work. He’s still contributing…like a man’s supposed to”

I heaved a sigh. “Jason there are more ways to contribute than with money. I told you that.” I told him, but he only shook his head, then very suddenly, he froze, looking at me as though something had just occurred to him.

“You alright?” I questioned and I watched as he stood.

“I…I just remembered something.” He said, and very slowly a smile broke across his face. “I think…I gotta go.” And he turned and bolted out the room.

I stared on in surprise, before lifting Timmy-cup and all-and carrying him with me out the kitchen and into the family room where Jason was pulling on his coat.

“What’re you doing?”

He glanced up at me with an expression that was almost giddy. “I’m going out real quick.”

I glanced at the clock on the wall, then back at him in confusion. “Right now?” but he was already pulling open the front door and stepping out onto the steps.

“Yeah… just take care of Timmy. I’m gonna go get something…then I’m coming right back.”

He leaned in and kissed his son’s forehead and a moment later he was running down the stairs and down the driveway.

“Jason!” I called, but he was out of my sight before I could take a step in his direction.

I looked down at Timmy and he looked up at me. We both frowned.

……………………………………………

Jason

The old place looked shittier than I remembered. I figured that was only because I lived somewhere nicer now, because back then I used to think this place was the best thing that ever happened to us.

I took the steps one at a time and they creaked just like I remembered, except that when I got to the very top, my foot went right through and I had to grab onto the old wooden rail to keep my balance. The front door swung open when I touched it and I had to use the flashlight on my phone to light the way.

It was mostly hard to believe that me and Timmy lived here once. I walked past the kitchen and around the corner to the mattress me and Timmy used to share, then I pushed it out of the way and it slid across the floor noisily when it rubbed against the dirt and wooden splinters that had fallen from the ceiling. When I had enough room, I stuck my hand into the narrow hole I’d made in the floor so long ago and sighed in relief when my hand came in contact with the bag.

I pulled the zipper open as soon as it was all the way out and peered inside at the cash that was still there.

Thank God.

It was hard to believe I’d forgotten all about this stash. I remembered when back then it was all that used to be on my mind. Every time I went out I’d worry about someone coming in and stealing it and every time I took it out with me I’d worry about someone holding me up and stealing it. Then after all that, I’d met Michael and forgot all about it.

I zipped it back up and put it on my back. This had been me and Timmy’s saving money. For when we’d been saving for a place of our own; with running water and a working stove and a fridge and all that. Funny how you could meet someone and have them wipe out all that important shit outta your head without even trying.

I shoved back the mattress so that it covered the hole again and stood, shining the light to look around the place we used to call home. It felt like so long ago; probably because it was. I held on to the straps of the bag, before stuffing the phone back into the pocket of my jacket.

Now I had to go home to Michael and show him that there really was something I could offer. It wasn’t a lot; not even close to what Michael had, but it was money I’d earned all on my own. Money he didn’t have to take out of his own pocket and give me, so it counted as something.

I’d give him and he could use it to help pay some utility bills or whatever it was that he paid for every month and for once it wouldn’t have to come out of his own pocket. For once he’d be able to say that I’d gone and contributed to our living and maybe then it would be even a little bit fair that me and Timmy lived there. Maybe then it wouldn’t look so bad.

I crossed the room easily enough now that my eyes had adjusted to the darkness. I didn’t like my old man but he was right when he’d told me what a man’s job was. If I didn’t believe in anything, I believed those words; a man’s job was to take care of his family, and If he couldn’t do that then he wasn’t worth much.

I reached behind me and patted the bag. At least now I could say I was doing my part; even if it was just for one month or two. I pulled the front door closed behind me as I left, knowing that this might very well be the last time I did it again and the thought made me smile.

I think maybe it was because I was so caught up in the house and what a man’s duty was that I didn’t see them until I stepped onto the grass, but when I did notice the group standing out on the lawn not too far in front of me, I froze and my smile froze with me.

“Hey Jason.” Ronny called out. He had his arm wrapped around Sophie; another member of the crew I used to hang with sometimes. There was also Dave, Sharon, Martin, Joseph, Ricky, and Paul.

I nodded in their direction, but for the most part, I kept my head down. I didn’t want any trouble, not tonight. Not when I was so close to doing something good.

“Surprised to see you here.” He continued. “Heard you up and ran off with some cop.”

I shook my head. “Where’d you hear that crap? You know I aint down with no cops.”

“Oh yeah?” Ronny kept at it. “Well when we aint seen you around here no more we figured the rumors was true.”

I kept walking, though I’d slowed down some so as not to make them suspicious.

“I’ve been around. Just figured it was time for a change of scenery that’s all.”

Ronny was walking toward me, pulling Sophie along with him and like they usually did, the others followed him, watching me like there was nothing better to do.

“Looks like you got more than a change of scenery don’t you think guys?” he asked them and it was Sharon who replied. “Looks like he went and got himself some perfect new life.”

Ronny nodded. “Yeah, you looking real pretty in them rich people clothes. Looks like you went and fixed yourself up real nice huh Jason?”

“So I got new clothes…aint nothing wrong with that.” I said and finally came to a stop when they succeeded in blocking me.

“Aint nothing wrong with new clothes, until you up and ditch your friends at least.”

I shook my head. “I just needed a break for a while. You know I got Timmy to think about.”

Ronny nodded, but his eyes narrowed. “Where is the kid anyway?”

I shrugged, trying to act cool and calm, when all I wanted to do was run before they went and tried something stupid. “I left him with somebody for a little while, so I gotta go pick him back up soon.”

““Yeah…left him with your cop it sounds like.” Martin put in and again I shook my head.

“I look dumb enough to go get myself caught up with some cop to you?”

He seemed to think about it for a second, then he held up a heavy looking bag and grinned. “You wouldn’t believe the shit me scored tonight.”

I swallowed hard, my eyes darting to the road and back. “Yeah? What’s that?”

“Booze man. The guy didn’t know what hit him. We even cleaned out the register.” He laughed. “Best night of my life.”

I nodded. “Sounds like it.” Then I glanced at Ronny. “Look, I gotta get back to Timmy. I can’t leave him this long.”

“The kid’ll be fine. Come chill with us for a little while like we used to.”

I shook my head and moved; trying to get out of their way, while keeping my eyes on them.

“What? You can’t have a few drinks with your buddies now?” Ronny asked, looking slightly pissed off. “You think just because you’ve got your fancy new clothes, that we aint good for you no more?”

I kept walking, refusing to let him get to me. I just needed to get onto the road and get the hell away from here. I could already picture Michael and Timmy back at home and waiting for me.

I kept going, moving with purpose and with care. “You wanna know what else we scored Jason?” Ronny said and I shook my head, glancing at him in time the see him lift his shirt to remove the gun that he’d stuck in the waistband of his jeans.

The breath left my body and I froze, watching him approach me with a grin. He held up the gun for me to see and my heart was pounding when he came to stand before me.

“You can have a few drinks with your good friends can’t you Jason?” he asked, wrapping his arm around my neck so that the gun came to rest against my chest.

I looked down at it, then up at him and I felt like I’d throw up right then and there.

“Is that a yes?” he asked and I couldn’t even sallow past the lump in my throat as I nodded.

AUTHOR’S

Chapter 20: Our Secret

Chapter 20

Ronny was different than I remembered him. He was still a cocky, mean son of a bitch. That would never change, but there was something about his eyes that wasn’t the same. Like the happiness and the adventure-lovin’ had gone out of them.

Bitter . That’s how he looked now. Kinda like how my old man always looked when he got home from work. There was something about the group too that was different. Where was the laughter and the teasing? Where was the chatting and the cussing? More importantly, where was Red?

I ignored the drink in my hand and glanced over at Ronny. “How come Red aint out here with us?” I questioned, and just like that his eyes got that mean glint in them and his mouth turned up in a sneer.

“Since when do you give a fuck about my brother?” he spat and I looked at the others sitting around me, and couldn’t help but notice how they were looking everywhere but at Ronny and me.

“I aint never had a problem with Red, you know that.” I replied and Ronny took a long gulp of his liquor and shook his head.

“If you really gave a shit you wouldn’t a ditched us for your cop like you did.”

“I told you I don’t get down with cops and of course I care.”

Ronny swished the alcohol around and around in his mouth, then leaned forward and spat it into the fire, but otherwise he didn’t say anything else. It was Sharon who gave me the answer, and I felt a quick stab of pain in my chest when she told me.

“Red’s gone Jason.” She said all somber like. “He got beat up by some dirty cops last month, then they dragged him off in the back of their car.” She sniffed and Martin draped a hand around her shoulder.

“We found his body a day later. They killed him.” Ricky finished, and I looked at Ronny in shock. He just sat there, staring into the flames, with his bottle in one hand and his gun in the next, but he didn’t say a thing.

“I’m sorry Ronny.” I said quietly, and that’s when he finally looked back at me; his eyes dry and empty and his nostrils flaring in anger.

“Drink up.” He ordered, and I glanced down at the very tall bottle in my hand, before tipping it to my head.

He’d lost his brother. That’s what was different about him and that’s why he’d kill me the second he found out I was living with an FBI agent.

When I swallowed down the bitter liquid I winced, then shivered despite the fact that my body felt as hot as the fire we were sitting around.

As I thought about what the fact that I might not leave alive, the phone in my jacket pocket suddenly felt ten times heavier, and the urge to call up Michael and have him rescue me became about a hundred times stronger, but that only meant that the fear of getting caught doing it was about a thousand times worse and that’s why I could only just sit there with the group of people who were never really my friends, the full bottle of booze they were forcing me to drink trapped in my hand, and a gun pointing right at me.

………………………………..

Michael

Straight to voicemail.

I couldn’t remember how many times I’d called him, and still no answer. I shoved my phone into my pocket and parted the curtain yet again to look out into the night. He’d left hours ago and there was still no sign of him.

My gut was screaming that something was wrong, and my gut hadn’t been wrong yet.

I turned to look at Timmy who was fast asleep on the couch, wrapped in his favorite blanket with Bunny by his side. He had two fingers stuck in his mouth and his wild midnight-black hair was as messy as Jason’s tended to be when he woke up in the morning.

I ran a hand through my hair and cursed under my breath. I had a sick child and his missing father on my head, and I had to admit that it was a scary thing. There was no one I could call to find out where he was because I hadn’t taken the time to even learn who his friends were. I hadn’t cared to know, because I’d been so selfishly caught up with the fact that I had him to myself. I cursed again, then took a deep breath.

I had no idea where he was. I didn’t know the places he liked to hang out, or even what he was out doing tonight. I didn’t know if he was on his way back or in trouble and in need of my help.

I paced one end of the room to the next. I had two choices; I could either sit up all night and wait for him, or I could go out and search. I glanced at Timmy when he coughed in his sleep and I made my decision.

I crossed the room in two long strides and grabbed Timmy’s bag from where it lay beside the chair. When I’d managed to unzip it, I walked around the room, stuffing all his favorite toys inside. I ran upstairs briefly and pulled out a few pieces of clothing and stuffed them in too. Then there was his toothbrush, his bath-time toys, some socks, shoes and the soap we used for his rashes.

Once downstairs, I deposited the full bag by the front door and grabbed his lunch bag from the kitchen, which I stuffed full with all his favorite snacks, some cold medicine and half a box of mac and cheese.

Minutes later, when I had everything packed in the back seat of my car , I called my dad and told him to expect us, then I reentered the house, pulled a cap over Timmy’s head and lifted the sleeping toddler into my arms. I made sure the blanket was wrapped securely around him before I crossed the room, went out the front door and locked it behind us.

He didn’t wake while I fastened him into his car seat, and he hardly shifted when I finally pulled out of the driveway. I worried about Jason on the entire ride over to my parent’s house, and picked my brain on where he could possibly be. My mind constantly returned to the house I’d rescued them from and I hoped, but doubted that he was there.

If something was wrong with him… I shook my head to clear it and glanced at Timmy in the rearview mirror. I couldn’t allow my mind to go there. Jason would be fine. I’d find him tonight, he’d have a good explanation for why he’d put me through all this worry and we’d forget about it by morning.

It was just too bad that I didn’t believe it for a second. Something was wrong. I could feel it in my bones. Jason was in trouble and he needed me.

I didn’t waste time explaining to my parents why I was leaving Timmy with them in the middle of the night and they didn’t ask why. They seemed to just understand that whatever I was doing was important, and while my mother took him from me and my dad took the bags, a small flicker of understanding passed between us, and I knew that he at least understood that Jason was the reason.

“Call if you need me.” He said simply, and a moment later I was back behind the wheel. It wasn’t a long drive to the dilapidated house Jason had once lived with Timmy, but in my state of worry, it felt like hours before I finally pulled up into the overgrown yard.

It was funny how years of being trained to remain unfazed in any situation could be pointless when a loved one was involved. I had my gun in hand as I walked silently up the rickety, old steps and I was as quiet as I mouse as I pushed the door open and entered the place.

It didn’t take long for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, but with only the moon shining through the dirty windows as my source of light, it was difficult to maneuver my way around the place.

I was ninety-five percent sure that apart from the mice I heard scurrying under the floorboards, there was no other sign of life in the house, and it was only then that I allowed myself to pull my cell phone from my pocket and flick on the flashlight app Jason had downloaded only weeks before. I blinked a few times when it came on and looked around. It was dirtier than I remembered. Every inch of the place was caked with what looked like years’ worth of dust, but it was the same dust that told me that someone had been there recently.

There were foot prints tracking through it, roughly the size of Jason’s shoes, but I still couldn’t be sure it was his. I followed them around the corner and into the room I’d first seen Timmy all those months ago, and I noted the position of the mattress on the floor. It had been moved recently and there was a hole in the floor where it had once lay.

It was also where the tracks ended and another set of tracks—the same shoes by the looks of it—led right back where I’d come and out the front door. I was fairly certain Jason had been here tonight, but whatever he had been doing here, he was gone now.

I stood for a while on the very last step and looked out into the yard. The neighborhood was quiet. The only sounds breaking the silence being the barking of a dog every now and again.

“Where the hell are you Jason?” I whispered to myself, then I looked up at the sky and offered up a silent prayer that he was safe and fine and I’d just blown this all out of proportion.

I dialed his number again and listened to it ring and ring with no answer, then I stuffed it back into my pocket, secured my weapon at my waist and hopped into my car. I couldn’t drive around all night with not a clue where to go. What I needed was help, and I knew just who to disturb.

…………………………

Jason

My head felt light and my stomach felt uncomfortably full, but I wasn’t drunk…not yet at least. I knew because I could still think…sort of. Ronny wanted me wasted, I just didn’t know why, but what I did know was that I couldn’t let it get that far. When I got drunk I didn’t shut up, I knew it and they knew it, and I could just imagine all the shit I’d tell them if I was.

Ronny would find out the truth, I’d be dead in a second and I didn’t want to think about what they’d try with Timmy and Michael. I looked at the half full bottle in my hand and for a second I felt like I’d throw up.

“I gotta get back to Timmy Ronny. He needs me.” I said seriously, but he only looked at me with those cold, dead eyes that I was starting to hate.

“Red needed me too.” He said. “But sometimes no matter how hard we try, we just can’t be there for people who need us.”

“Please.” I begged him. “He’s just a baby. He can’t—”

“I don’t give a fuck about Timmy!” shouted “Don’t you get it?” he carried on and I flinched when he shoved the gun into my face. “No one gives a fuck about you and your stupid little kid. Not me, not any of us, and not your stupid cop!”

“I swear I don’t—”

“I didn’t even get to bury him.” Ronny went on, looking more miserable than angry now, but the gun stayed in place. “I had to just leave him there for the birds and the bugs and there was nothing I could do. I just had to leave him there, and nobody but me cared that he died. Nobody but me!”

“You know we care Ronny.” Sharon interrupted him. There were tears running down her face and her nose was running. “We loved Red. We all did.” She was crying and finally, Ronny pulled away from me and sat back down on his piece of wood.

He didn’t say anything. He just stared into the fire looking lost, and I dragged in a shaky breath. I could feel the tears prick the back of my eyes and I blinked a couple times to get rid of it.

I was scared. More scared than I’d been in a long time. I shouldn’t have come out tonight. I should have stayed home with Timmy and Michael. My baby was sick and all I could think about was some stupid money I’d stashed. I squashed my knees together to block the view of the bag between my legs and wondered if Timmy was feeling better. I wondered if Michael was taking good care of him, but of course he was. Michael loved Timmy. He wouldn’t let anything happen to him.

I felt the tears gather in my eyes again and this time I couldn’t blink them away. They fell down my face, rolled down my chin and hit the grass at my feet. I was so scared. I didn’t want to die out here in the cold, in front of people who I didn’t even like.

I wanted to be with Timmy and Michael in our house, watching TV and eating mac and cheese in front of the fireplace. I wiped my nose with the back of my hand and hoped more than anything that he was okay, and that I’d get to see him again.

I should have told Michael how I felt. It was my own damn fault if I died and he didn’t know it. I almost jumped when I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket for about the hundredth time tonight, and I looked around at the others to make sure nobody was hearing it.

If I could just make a call. If I could just slip my hand into my pocket and click a few buttons. I swallowed hard and looked at Ronny. I couldn’t. It was too risky and I was just a damn coward. I couldn’t.

“Drink up.” He said when he looked at me again, and with my hands shaking like crazy, I turned the bottle to my head again. The liquid burned all the way down, and I closed my eyes tight against the pain.

……………………………………

My phone hadn’t vibrated in a while, so I figured that Michael was asleep or something, and for some reason it made me feel all alone. I wish I knew how long we’d been out here in the cold, or at least where we were. 

We’d had to walk a long time to get here and I didn’t know the neighborhood. I didn’t even know whose house we were sitting outside of, but it was a nice looking place—not as nice as Michael’s— and it looked like the owners kept it neat and clean too; the outside anyway since we never went inside. I figured the owners were out of town or something. That must be why we were sitting in their backyard, around their fire pit drinking alcohol way into the night.

“So tell us what you’ve been up to Jason.” Ronny said much later, and when I looked up from the ground, I noticed everybody was looking at me; except Ricky, who was fast sleep.

“Nothing. I’ve just been doing the usual stuff.”

“Like what?” he asked, sounding more friendly now, but the smile on his face looked fake and creepy.

I cleared my throat and pushed my hair out of my face. My whole body felt stiff from sitting so long. “Just been getting jobs all over like I usually do. Got me one that paid okay for a while that’s why I had to leave, but all that’s done with now so I gotta search for another one.” I lied.

“So you got yourself a nice new job and made lots a money and couldn’t even give us a link?” he questioned; the same smile on his face. “Don’t you think we need jobs too? Don’t know know that we gotta eat too?”

I nodded. “Of course but—”

“What’s in the bag?” he interrupted, and I looked down at the knapsack resting in the dirt between my legs.

“Just some stuff for Timmy.”

“Oh yeah?”

I swallowed hard, then nodded.

“Give it here, lemme see.”

I gritted my teeth. I’d gone and risked everything to come out here and get the bag. Because of it I was out here in the fucking cold with a bunch a crazy motherfuckers who had a gun on me, so there was no way in hell I was going through all this shit just so I could hand it over to them.

“I don’t think so.”

His smile fell, but only a little bit. “You forgetting who’s calling the shots here?”

I shrugged, “Aint easy to forget when you got that gun on me.” I said, heart beating hard in my chest.

“Exactly, and I can just put a bullet through that thick skull a yours and take what I want anyway, so hand it over.”

I clapped my knees closer. “Then you better do it now cause you aint getting this bag.” I sounded way braver than I felt and when he cocked the gun at me, I could a sworn I almost shit my pants, but then he just laughed; all hollow like, and pointed to the bottle in my hand.

“Finish your drink Jason, we got plenty more where that came from.” He said, so I did.

…………………………………………..

Michael

I didn’t stop to find out just why Eddie was at Simon’s place or why they both looked like they’d hopped out of the same bed. Nothing mattered except finding Jason, and I told them as much when I was seated around Simon’s dining table, watching him type a million miles a minute on his laptop.

“If his phone’s on it’ll be easier to track it, especially if he has the find my phone app.” Simon explained, while Eddie stood behind him, staring down at the computer screen. His phone rang out whenever I’d called rather than going straight to voicemail, so I could only assume it was still on.

“If you have his password, this will be a whole lot quicker.” Simon continued and I shook my head.

“I don’t know what password he’d use.” I said, “other than maybe Timmy I don’t have a damn clue.” I continued in frustration, running my hand through my hair for about the fiftieth time since I’d arrived there.

“Perfect, we’re in.” Simon announced a half a second later and I looked at him in surprise. Of course his password was Timmy. Jason lived and breathed the kid.

I offered up a silent prayer of thanks to whoever cared to listen and counted my lucky stars when Simon turned the laptop toward me and pointed out the location. “This is where his phone is right now. I’ll just sign in on my phone so I can tell you if he moves.”

I was across the room before I realized that Simon and Eddie were right behind me, pulling on their shirts as they went. “You’re coming?”

“If this turns serious, you’ll need backup.” Eddie supplied, and I watched as he pulled his weapon from a drawer by the door and moments later Simon did the same.

They followed me across the yard, Eddie getting into the front seat of his car and Simon hopping into mine. He was focused on his phone screen, typing away at the buttons as though it was the most important thing in the world. Seconds later, I was pulling out of his driveway with Eddie bring up the rear.

Simon rattled off directions as we drove and I didn’t waste time waiting at red lights. At this hour the roads were practically empty anyway, and I was across town in a matter of minutes.

We pulled up to a two story brownstone in a quiet neighborhood not too far from where Jason had once lived. The lawn was perfectly manicured, there were lights leading right up the porch and there was a welcome mat at the door. There were no lights on inside or any sign of life really, and I wondered what Jason would be doing here.

The second I raised my fist to knock on the front door, Simon gestured to me from where he stood a few feet away, peering through the slits in the wooden gate that I was sure led to the back of the house. Eddie and I joined him by the fence and I pulled out my service weapon when I saw what was happening.

They all looked to be in their early to mid-twenties. One guy looked to be asleep on the grass, but it was the guy brandishing the gun that I was more interested in. That and the fact that it was pointed right at Jason, who, to my surprise was laughing; a deep slightly unhinged sound that had the hair on my arms rising.

“An FBI agent aint a cop asshole.” Jason was saying, just before he stood on unsteady legs and toppled over the log he’d been sitting on before. He pushed up from the ground laughing, and I realized he was shitfaced.

“We’ll go in through the house.” Eddie whispered, and when I glanced at them briefly it was to see that Simon was already at the front door, silently picking the lock.

“So what? You fucking with the law now Jason, is that it? You’re on their side now after everything they’ve done to us. After what they did to Red?” the guy with the gun was shouting, his weapon raised and levelled at the still laughing Jason.

“Michael will fine you and then youse be shorry.” He slurred.

“Ronny don’t do this please.” a girl was pleading as she latched on to Ronny’s arm from behind. I watched as he shoved her off and she fell to the ground.

“That cop a yours is dead, you hear me?” Ronny continued. “I’m gonna find him and I’m gonna blow his fucking brains out and that kid you love so much? Timmy? He’s next.”

The minute Simon and Eddy stepped through the front door, I silently and carefully pulled open the gate.

I walked as close to the wall as possible, weapon in hand and gaze fixed firmly on the group before me, only taking my eyes off Ronny for a split second when Jason sat up, looked over at me with a very drunk grin and waved, “Hi Michael.”

A scream rent the air and Ronny spun around, turning the gun in my direction.

“Drop it!” I shouted, but the look in his eyes told me he wasn’t about to back down. Not until the back door of the house burst open and Eddie and Simon stepped out brandishing their weapons.

The girl screamed again and covered her head with her hands as she flattened herself on the ground and the others held their hands up into the air; shocked into silence.

Still, Ronny stood there with his weapon raised, and Jason chose that moment to lose the contents of his stomach in the grass before him.

“Don’t do anything stupid Ronny.” I said calmly. “I want you to slowly lower the gun to the ground and take one step back.”

“I didn’t do anything.” He said; voice shaking.

“Then put down the gun and you can tell me all about it.”

“We were just messin’ with him. We didn’t do nothing’”

“Drop it.” Eddie, who had silently made his way behind him said, and upon feeling the cool metal against the back of his head, Ronny froze, raised his hands in surrender, while Simon walked over and pried the weapon out of his hands.

I kept my own gun on the group, watching for any sudden movements from any of them, but they sat, arms raised and eyes wide with fright as Ronny was shoved to his knees and cuffed.

It didn’t take very long to search the group, and very soon they were all kneeing on the ground along the wall of the house with their hands beside their heads. In the time it had taken us to do this, the girl; Sharon, had confessed to their crimes. She told us about the convenience store they’d robbed only hours earlier of the contents of the cash register, of its liquor and the gun the cashier had kept behind the counter.

She told us about how they’d found Jason and lead him back here at gun point and how they’d come to know that the owners of the house they’d taken control of were out of town. They would have to be notified of course, and when the others came we’d cuff the rest of them, load them into a few cars and take them in for further questioning.

Meanwhile, Jason had been handcuffed to the fence for his own safety and had thrown up again at least twice more before I’d had the opportunity to see to him.

When I uncuffed him, he was shivering and I threw my own jacket around his shoulder and handed him a bottle of water I’d retrieved from my car, which he tipped to his mouth clumsily.

I sat beside him on the stone chair and watched him chug down the water, and when he finally handed it back to me, I asked him if he was okay. It took him a moment, but when he finally looked up at me, his eyes were slightly unfocused and he frowned.

“Michael, I don’t feel so good.” He said, then a moment later he slumped over on the chair. I caught him before he could fall off and ran a hand through his hair when I heard his soft snores.

……………………………………..

Jason was a chatty drunk I soon learned. He could talk your ear off if you let him, and I did because I was so relived he was okay, that right now I was up for anything. I enveloped him in a tight hug the second we stepped through the front door and I don’t know how long we stood like that before I finally let him go and led him up to the bedroom.

He was a giggling mess when I tried to help him out of his clothes and he slapped my hands away when I tried to help him out of his shoes. Instead, he crawled into the center of the bed, muddy shoes and all, and dropped spread-eagled on his back.

When I sat beside him and ran a hand over his clammy forehead, he turned his unfocused eyes on me.

“Wanna fuck?” he asked, looking innocent and vulnerable in his drunken state and though I smiled, I shook my head.

“I don’t think so Jace.”

For a moment he just lay there staring at me and I wondered if he could even form a thought in his current condition. I sighed.

“What were you thinking going out there Jason.” I whispered, not really expecting an answer from him, but he turned his face to the ceiling and said very seriously; “I gotta take care a you an Timmy. A man gotta do what he gotta do.”

I shook my head. “Jason—”

“Been wanting you for a long time Michael.” He began and I watched him in surprise. “Ever since that time.”

“What time?” I hedged.

“You used to go up there every Friday I remember. Every single Friday and I been loving you since that time you gave me all that money for no damn reason.” He continued, and I listen in confusion. “Aint nobody give a shit ’bout people like me over there. You can beg all you want and aint nobody even look at you, but you just went and gave me all that money without me asking ’cause you’re just a damn good guy Michael. A damn good guy.”

I thought about it for a minute and my mind drew a blank. The only place I used to go every Friday was up at that plaza where I’d first arrested Jason that night, and I didn’t remember ever seeing him there before that night, let alone handing him money. You gave homeless people money all the time without really looking at their faces. It was just a thing people did.

“You remember all that Jason?” I asked him and he nodded, then giggled, before he continued his tale.

“Been lovin’ you a long time Michael. After that I used to go up there all the time just so I could see you. You were always so damn handsome and I couldn’t help myself even if I tried. I just had to see you.”

I shifted on the bed so I could see his face better. “Yeah?”

“I used to watch you all the time and you was always alone, I figured I’d talk to you one day. I knew you was a cop, but I just had to.”

“So why didn’t you?” I questioned softly and he laughed again.

“The stars are watching me Michael.” He said and I looked up at the ceiling where I’d glued the glow-in-the-dark stars for Timmy so long ago.

“Yeah they’re beautiful aren’t they?” I asked him and he laughed again.

“I used to think you was a prince or something ’cause you were just so damn perfect and I just got tired of watching you. I just wanted to know your name Michael. I had to know your name.” he said, as though pleading with me. “That’s why I did it you know?”

“Did what Jace?”

He sighed, and blinked a few times before he continued. “That’s why I picked your pocket that time. I had to get your wallet, cause that’s where people put their ID’s.” he said. “If I got your ID then I’d know your name.”

Comprehension dawned, and I watched him in awe. “But I caught you. I thought you were trying to steal from me, so I arrested you.”

“Yeah and now I live here with you and Timmy and I aint never been so happy. I aint never loved nobody so much in my life except Timmy.”

My breath caught in my throat and my heart sped in my chest. He couldn’t really mean…

“Lovin’ people hurts a lot don’t it Michael?” he asked me then, and I could only nod and look at him, afraid that if I even uttered one word, the spell would be broken.

“I can’t never tell you though. I can’t tell you how I been feeling.”

“Why not?” I whispered and he smiled.

“Cause then it’ll hurt more when things don’t work out, won’t it?”

I swallowed against the lump in my throat.

“Who says things won’t work out?”

“Things never work out for people like me and Timmy. We can love you but we can’t never have you. It just aint meant for us.”

“That’s not true Jason. It’ll work out because I love you too. I love both of you.” I told him seriously, but he laughed and pressed his hand to his chest.

“It hurts right here Michael.” He said. “It hurts right here every time you say that.”

I felt a similar pain in my own chest when he said those words, and I reached out and took his other hand in mine.

He turned his head and looked at me then, his unfocused gaze meeting mine. “This will be our secret okay Michael?” he said. “You gotta keep it a secret ‘cause I can’t never tell you that I been lovin’ you.”

“Jace—”

“You gotta swear to me okay?” he continued and finally I nodded.

“Okay.” I said. “It’ll be our secret Jason. I promise I’ll never know.”

“That’s good then.” He said softly and a moment later his hand went slack in mine as he fell into a deep, fitful sleep.

                                                    AUTHOR’S NOTES

YES I KNOW I TOOK FOREVER TO UPLOAD, I JUST DON’T HAVE THE TIME LIKE I USED TO BUT I PROMISE I’M TRYING.

THANK YOU FOR READING.

KEEP SWEET AND ENJOY.

-Double.A

-unedited.

Chapter 21: And I grinned like a Jackass

Chapter 21

He’d woken up grumpy and far less talkative than he had been the night before, and while he’d seemed to remember the events leading up to his meet up with Ronny and the others, he’d failed to mention anything that had happened after I’d taken him home. I’d of course already accepted the fact that he might not remember much, but the need to talk about what he’d confessed was practically eating away at me.

I glanced at him now as he huddled in the passenger seat beside me, a baseball cap shading his face from the glare of the afternoon sun, my sunglasses covering his eyes, head resting against the door and a large thermos of coffee clutched in his fist. After three failed attempts at normal conversation, I’d finally decided to leave him to the misery that was his hangover and drive in silence.

We were on our way to the Bureau, where he’d agreed to go in for a quick interview to relay the events of the previous night to our team. After that, we planned on picking Timmy up from my parents, where, according to my mother, he’d been having the time of his life despite his cold.

By the time we pulled into the Bureau’s parking lot, he’d finished the coffee and was as ready as I supposed he could ever be, with the effects of an alcohol-filled night raging inside him.

Simon and Eddie ushered him off to the interrogation room the moment we entered, and I made a beeline for my dad’s office, noting on the way however, a toy strewn here and there. Desks that were usually cluttered with paperwork and boring office things had a few additional colorful decorations. I noted the crayon marks on the wall opposite the watercooler and one very familiar bunny rabbit lying on the floor beside the photocopier.

I glanced across the room at the rows of desks in the large space and shook my head. Interesting how I had never been allowed to spend the day at the Bureau with my dad when I was growing up, yet now the place was filled with clear evidence that hurricane Timmy had swept through.

I paused at his office door, which was half open and saw the two sitting around his desk. Dad had Timmy in his lap while they played with little green toy soldiers which I surmised came from the toy store down the street.

“So now that you’ve got a feel for everything,” my dad was telling him “Which team would be the best team to send out to infiltrate the warehouse?”

I noticed then that the toy soldiers were clumped together in groups which stood on a chart covering the entire desk. On that chart dad had drawn something that I couldn’t make out from where I stood, but they looked to be roads and buildings and other foreign markings.

I watched as Timmy reached over and picked up a soldier from the group that stood in the center of the chart and my dad’s face was alight with pride.

“That’s it!” he exclaimed, patting Timmy’s head. “Half the class at Quantico fails this test every year and you got it right off the bat.” He continued, oblivious to the fact that Timmy was more interested in playing with the soldiers than he was in a thing he was saying.

Dad looked at him and frowned. “If only you were a few years older. I could make you head of your own task force in no time.” he said, looking at Timmy with real regret.

“At least wait until he’s out of kindergarten before you start recruiting him dad.” I said, stepping inside. The chief looked up and Timmy slid off his lap and came running over. I scooped him up as he began babbling about his new toy.

“The kid’s a genius.”

“He picked the team at random dad.”

“You mark my words son. That kid’s going places.” And I nodded. Yes he was.

“Micha look.” Timmy raised a hand to show me the colorful fire truck Band-Aid on his elbow.

“He fell.” Dad explained. “Didn’t even cry.” The pride in his voice was unmistakable. I could already see that he was going to spoil Timmy rotten.

“That’s so cool.” I told Timmy. “Did poppy give you that?”

“Poppy give Timmy.” He nodded, then held out his soldier again. “An poppy give Timmy gween.”

“He gave you a green soldier?”

Timmy nodded.

“Did you tell him thanks?”

Another nod.

I retrieved the handkerchief from my back pocket and wiped his runny nose.

“You want to talk to me about last night?”

I looked at the chief. “You saw my report.”

“What’s he doing getting caught up in all this? You went out of your way to give him a place to stay and this is the way he repays you? Getting drunk with a bunch of criminals?”

“He was held at gun point dad, it’s not like he had a choice in the matter.”

“So he said.”

“Yes and I believe him. When we got there they had a gun in his face. I know him and if he says he wasn’t there of his own free will then he wasn’t.”

The chief straightened in his chair, his expression hard. “He’s not as innocent as you think Michael. There’s something about his story that just doesn’t add up.”

When Timmy began to wiggle in my arms, I set him down and watched him run from the room as fast as his little feet could take him. Ready to harass the other agents no doubt.

I turned back to the chief. “What doesn’t add up?”

“There was a bag full of cash found on the scene.”

I crossed my arms before me. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Every last one of those delinquents are saying it belongs to Jason.”

I shook my head. “Criminals lie dad. It’s what they do. Why take the fall for another crime when they can pin in on the one person who’s innocent?”

For a moment he only stared at me and finally nodded as though coming to a conclusion. His expression was grim.

“Let’s see what he has to say about it then.”

He pushed up from his chair and I stepped aside to allow him to exit through the door. A heartbeat later I followed. I spotted Timmy standing by a new agent’s desk, chatting the man’s ear off while the agent worked on what seemed to be reports piled high before him. 

When the kid spotted me, he retrieved the toy soldier from its perch on the guy’s chair arm, grabbed Bunny from his spot beside the copier and stuffed it under his arm, then headed over to me where he took my outstretched hand. I led him across the room, around a corner then into a small room with a large glass screen, behind which Jason sat with his fingers locked together on the table before him.

“Daddy!” Timmy exclaimed when he saw him and I lifted him onto the table so he had a clear view of his father.

“Daddy can’t see you right now, but we’ll visit him soon okay?”

“Haf daddy now Micha?”

I nodded. “As soon as he’s finished talking to those nice men.”

Timmy looked at the window, then back at me. “No Micha. Timmy haf daddy now.”

I wiped his runny nose on the tail end of my shirt and stood him up on the table so he could go ahead and press his face against the glass, calling for Jason who couldn’t hear a damn thing from the other side.

I listened as Simon and Eddie questioned him about the previous night. Their tone was friendly and reassuring and Jason recounted all he could remember, which really wasn’t much, but he did mention what the others had told him about a guy named Red and I had no doubt that our investigators would be sent out to locate the body as soon as we got the address from one of the others.

“Stop licking the glass kid.” My dad told Timmy, and I hoisted the little guy up and away from it and propped him onto my shoulder.

“You notice he’s being completely honest? It’s because he has nothing to hide.” I told the old man, whose expression had become closed off.

He leaned over and knocked on the glass and Eddie glanced up and made his way over to the door. Jason used the opportunity to rest his head against the table. I could only imagine how shitty he still felt.

When the door opened, the agent standing by handed Eddie a knapsack and we all watched him reenter to space and deposit it onto the table. Jason looked up then, surprising me when he reached for the bag.

“Is that yours Jason?” Eddie questioned quietly and I watched as Jason hesitated, looking between Simon and Eddie silently before slowly dragging the bag closer to his chest.

When he didn’t answer, Simon moved from his perch against the wall and came to sit on the edge of the table beside him. “You want to tell us what’s in it?”

Jason nodded slowly. “I’ve been saving it for a place for me and Timmy.” He said softly and I saw my dad look at me from the corner of my eye.

“Yeah?” Simon continued. “That’s really responsible of you. About how much would you say you’ve got saved up in there?”

Jason shrugged, then winced as though the effort alone was painful. “Not nearly enough for a place, but that don’t matter no more cause we’re staying with Michael…for a while.”

“If it doesn’t matter then how come you had it on you last night?”

“Cause I went to get it at our old house.” He paused, running a hand along the closed zipper. “I’m gonna give it to Michael…so he don’t gotta hafto deal with all the responsibility by himself. I want to help out.”

Simon nodded. “That’s admirable.”

“Nothin’ admirable about it. I’m a man and men take care of their family.”

“So Michael’s your family?”

He was quiet for a long time after that and again I caught my father looking at me as I waited for Jason’s answer. I felt a weight in my chest that only seemed to grow heavier the longer he took to reply and I hadn’t realized that I’d reached up and pulled Timmy down from my shoulder and into my arms until he finally answered. The weight lifted.

“People can be family even if it’s just in your head. Aint nothin’ wrong with that.” He said. “Family don’t mean that people gotta share blood.”

Simon nodded. “Yeah you’re right. Look at Eddie and me. We’re family and we don’t share blood. It’s okay.” He tried to appease Jason, who seemed to be getting defensive.

“You wanna tell us where you got the money from?” Eddie asked calmly.

“From when I work and sometime people give me…when I ask sometimes.”

Eddie nodded. “Is that all? You don’t get it from anywhere else? You can tell us you know. It’s okay.” He continued and it was at this point that I turned to the chief.

“Dad come on. He’s hung over. He’s had a rough night, just let him go home to his kid.” But the chief ignored me, his attention on the three people in the other room.

“You’re trynna get me to say something stupid but I aint stupid and I aint answering no more questions.”

“You heard him chief. He’s not answering anymore so either you charge him with something or you let him go.”

“I think we can get something out of him.”

I shook my head “This interview’s over” and when I moved to go open the door, I felt him latch onto my arm.

“This interrogation isn’t over until I say it is son. Don’t forget who’s in charge here.”

“You’ve bent the rules for people who’ve done much worse than sit there and tell the truth. Why don’t you just admit that the only reason this interview means a damn thing to you is because Jason’s in my life?”

“You do—”

“Haf daddy now poppy?” Timmy interrupted him, and the chief froze, looking from Timmy to me and finally to the glass.

I watched him in silence as he put his hand behind his back and gritted his teeth, then finally, and with obvious unwillingness, he pushed the button for the intercom. “Let him go.”

Eddie glanced up at the glass with a frown, while Simon merely shrugged.

“But it’s mine. I told you I saved it up.” Jason argued when Eddie tried to retrieve the bag from him and I moved to where my dad stood and pushed the button again.

“Let it go Jason.” I spoke into the microphone. “I’ll sort it out.”

I watched as Jason looked toward the glass in surprise, then frowned before releasing the bag and folding his arms before him as he leaned back in the chair.

I set Timmy down when the door to the interrogation room opened and he ran past Simon and Eddie and straight to Jason.

I turned to my old man. “You see that man in there?” I gestured to the mirror, and my father’s frown deepened. “He’s the most hardworking person I know. He knows what it means to fulfill his responsibilities and he works damn hard to make sure his kid has everything he needs.” I told him

“He raised that little genius you obviously love so much and he did it alone , without help from a damn person. More than that, he did it without a solid roof over their heads and without a place to really call home.” He looked towards the reunion between father and son, but said nothing. “The odds have been against him since day one dad. No matter how hard people like him try, the world just has a way of beating them back down. Now I’m trying to give them a chance to survive and you’re going to try to ruin his life because you don’t approve? Are you kidding me?”

He looked at me “Michael—”

I shook my head. “Give him a break chief. Give him back his hard earned cash, take him off your radar and just give him a chance…like you did for Riley and like you’ve done for every other person who’s deserved it over the years. He needs this.”

Without waiting for his reply, I followed Timmy’s path into the room and sat in the chair opposite Jason; watching as Timmy showed him all the cool things that his toy soldier could do—which wasn’t much.

“Can it fly?”

Timmy shook his head. “No.”

“So it just stands there?”

Timmy nodded. “Yes daddy.”

“And the arms don’t move or nothing?”

Timmy shook his head again; a wide, excited grin plastered on his little face. “No.”

Jason shrugged, looking more interested in the prospect of resting his head on the desk than he was in Timmy’s new toy. “Did you say thank you?”

Again Timmy nodded. “Yes.”

Jason’s eyes narrowed. “Did you for real?” he questioned seriously and Timmy frowned.

“No tank you daddy.”

“Yes you gotta go say thank you or you can’t keep it.”

Timmy’s frown deepened and I smiled. I could watch these two all day and not get bored. Interesting how much you could learn from the two of them.

“Tank you poppy?”

“Yeah go tell him so we can go home.” He said, and this time he rested his cheek against his fist and closed his eyes.

“Headache?” I asked as Timmy ran out to find the chief. I wanted to go over there and rub his shoulders and run my hands through his curls.

“I just wanna go home.” He mumbled without opening his eyes, and our late night conversation came back to me.

Home . He considered my place home, but he didn’t think it would last. I didn’t think there was really a way to convince him otherwise, except to continue making him feel like it was a place he could be safe, and hope that eventually he’d come to view it as something other than temporary. I sighed. I didn’t want to be patient. I’d gone and gotten myself a ready-made family and now I just wanted everything that went along with that to fall quickly and neatly into place.

I pushed up from the desk and he squinted up at me. It was just too damn bad that life never came in gold wrapping paper. We mere mortals had to walk through mud before we found a decent river to wash away all the shit and make everything almost perfect again.

“Let’s go home.”

……………………………………………..

I was smiling like a jackass and it was for no other reason that because Jason was asleep in my bed. Such a thing probably wouldn’t be considered an interesting phenomenon, except that as soon as we had walked through the door, he’d announced he was going to bed and had walked straight upstairs and into my room without hesitation.

It spoke volumes about how things had changed in the time we’d been living together. That he would go there without a thought made my day more than it probably should.

I grinned while I chopped the tomatoes, I grinned while I placed the steak on the grill and the chicken nuggets in the oven, then grinned some more while I stood on the semi complete patio sipping beer. It’s the little things, I reminded myself. The little things that made me hope.

I glanced at my watch, then at the setting sun in the distance. Timmy was still with my dad because when we had gathered all his toys and prepared to carry him out the bureau doors, he’d thrown a tantrum because he hadn’t wanted to leave ‘poppy’ behind, and the chief had suggested keeping him with him for the rest of the day and dropping him off after work.

I guessed that the only reason the usually overprotective Jason had agreed to the arrangement was because Timmy and a hangover didn’t mesh well. I figured that by the time the steaks were done, dad would be here with Timmy and Jason would be hungry enough to slink downstairs for a bite.

I took another sip of the cold beer.

It was in fact half an hour later that Jason come downstairs hunting, not for food, but for a coffee he said—the stronger the better.

“Dinner’s ready when you are.”

He nodded, but grimaced as his palm settled over his stomach. “I think maybe I’ll eat later, my stomach doesn’t feel too good.”

I retrieved a cup for him from the cabinet above his head, leaning just close enough to feel the heat radiating from his body, and hid a smile when he cleared his throat and stepped away.

When I set it on the counter, he reached for the creamer and sugar and I raised brow. “I thought you said the stronger the better.”

He shrugged, and I took a seat around the counter. There was so much I wanted to ask him. So much I wanted to tell him, but drunk or not, I’d made him a promise last night and I couldn’t look back now. As he poured what looked like a half a cup full of sugar into the mug, the silence grew and grew until finally, he took a deep breath and turned to face me— folding his arms before him. His face spoke of determination…and something else that I couldn’t quite pinpoint.

“Aren’t you gonna ask me about what happened last night?”

My eyes shot up at the words and for a second my heart soared.

“Last night?”

“Yeah with Ronny and them”

Of course . I swallowed my disappointment and damn if it didn’t leave a bitter taste on the way down. “I read the report. I know what happened.”

His eyes narrowed and he shifted from foot to foot, before finally leaning his hip against the counter. “Yeah, but you didn’t hear it from me. I figured you’d wanna hear it from me.”

I nodded. “I do, but I’m willing to wait until you’re ready to tell me.”

It took him a moment, but eventually he nodded and dropped his arms.

“I just wanted to help out with things.” He said then. “I saved that money fair and square. I never stole it or nothin’.”

“I know Jason.”

“I hate that you gotta take care of everything. I just wanted to help out too.”

I shook my head. “What you don’t understand is that I love taking care of you two. I don’t want you to have to worry about stuff like that Jace. I have absolutely no problem doing what I can for you and Timmy, so you shouldn’t have to feel like you need to—”

“But it makes me uncomfortable living like this.” He interrupted, voice raised. “I don’t like how it feels to just take take take and I aint done nothin’ to deserve it.”

The incredulity of it all made me chuckle and his frown deepened. “Don’t fucking laugh. I’m serious. Why do you have to be the only one to take care of everything? That shit’s not fair to you.”

“Jace—”

“A man gotta feel like a man Michael. I gotta earn my keep. I’m tired of living off of you and I need those dumbasses at your stupid FBI to give me my money back so I can do something, because doing nothing is driving me crazy!”

“Jesus Jason, you don’t need to earn anything, and have you forgotten that you spend every single day working on that patio?”

He shook his head and turned to poor the coffee into his cup. For a moment he just stood there, looking at his refection in the spoon before he dropped it into the cup and stirred. “That aint a job. That’s just you wasting money you could save.” He said “That’s just me taking from you again, and in two days the patio will be done and then what?” he turned to me. “Are you gonna give me a job mowing your lawn for way more money than it’s worth too?”

I ran a hand through my hair in frustration as I looked at him.

“I’m gonna look for a job when the patio’s done…a real one. Or else…or else I won’t be able to stay here no more.”

“This is ridiculous.”

“No it aint, and I bet if you were in the same place as me you’d understand.” He paused, then sighed. “I wanna take care of you and Timmy too.” He finished quietly.

I didn’t think I could learn any more from him than I had already, but I should have known by now that he was full of surprises. I watched him as he stood there looking miserable and upset, yet determined, and I realized that I’d never known another person like him—so ready for responsibility, so willing to earn his place. He wanted to feel like he really belonged I realized. This would make him feel like he was a part of something, rather than just a visitor in a home that he clearly wanted to call his own.

I smiled and shook my head. The way he thought…it was unlike anyone I’d ever met before. “I mentioned a job at my uncle’s garage once.” I began, and he looked up, eyes narrowing in suspicion. “His name’s Niko and he needs an extra mechanic. Since you know so much about cars I told him about you. I’m sure he still needs the help so when you’re done with the patio I can give him a call for you.”

His eyes were wide with surprise and uncertainty as he watched me. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” I dug around in the basket in the center of the counter where I kept all the bills and pulled out the cheapest one. I threw it his way and he caught it midair. “You can pay the water bill if that’s what you want.”

Jason looked at the front of the envelope, then back at me in surprise “You mean…like every month?”

I shrugged. “Whatever works for you.”

“I can pay it every month.” He was quick to add, holding the envelope to his chest as though it was the most important thing he’d ever been given.

“If that’s what you want.”

“Wow. Thank you” He said, holding it out before him then with unsteady hands. “I’ve never had my very own bill before.” He whispered, then looked at me with a smile that could have melted butter. “I won’t let you down Michael, I swear.”

“I know you won’t”

Coffee forgotten, he walked over to the counter and sat down—turning the unopened envelope around and around in his hands. “It’s like living in real life.” He whispered reverently, and I realized for the first time just how much this really meant to him—even if it was just a thirty dollar bill.

……………………………………………………..

I held Timmy’s hands while he did his business on the toilet because he was still afraid he’d fall in despite the child-safe toilet seat I’d installed so long ago. He was humming a song I’d never heard as we waited and when we heard the closet door slam down the hal,l he glanced at the bathroom door. “Poppy come?”

I shook my head. “He really made an impression on you didn’t he?”

“No.”

“Poppy went home remember? You’ll get to see him again soon though I promise.”

“An gwammy?”

“Yup and grammy and all the friends you made at the FBI today.”

“An Eddie?”

“Yup and Simon too.” I laughed and that seemed to appease him, as he began to swing his legs and the humming returned.

“Are you done?”

He shook his head. “No.”

My legs were starting to cramp from crouching so long. “What if I just hold one hand?” I suggested, but he frowned, tightening his hold on my fingers.

“I promise the toilet isn’t scary. There’s no way you’ll fall in.” I tried to persuade him. Like we hadn’t had this conversation so many times before.

“No.”

I sighed and shifted so that I was sitting on the floor with legs on either side of him and his scary throne.

The humming continued.

                                                                      AUTHOR’S NOTES

HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT.

THANKS FOR READING!    My new book has been published on Amazon! It’s a little different from what I usually write so feel free to check it out  at the following link:  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01BNDQD3A?*Version*=1&*entries*=0

Thanks peeps and KEEP SWEET.

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Chapter 22: Errands

Chapter 22

“You’re being really selfish Timmy.”

“No daddy.”

“Yes you are. You know white crayons don’t make sense. Give me a colored one.”

Timmy shook his head and pulled the box of crayons out of his father’s reach.

“Well then I aint coloring with you if that’s how you’re gonna be.” Jason dropped the white crayon onto the coloring book that was spread open between them, and Timmy frowned down at it as if the thing offended him.

“Daddy cower with Timmy.” He lifted his little face to glare at his father. It was the same look Jason tended to shoot my way whenever he was upset with me. Only, Timmy’s scrunched up nose made him look far less threatening.

“Give me a colored crayon and I will. Otherwise I’m done here.” He responded. “You can’t ask somebody to color with you then give them a crayon you know won’t do anything. That aint right Timmy and you know it.”

Finally, and as expected, Timmy turned to me and pointed an accusing finger at Jason. “Micha daddy no cower.”

I fought hard to keep a straight face. “You have twenty-three other colors in that box babe, give him a good piece.”

The kid looked down at the box, pulled out a vibrant green crayon and held it up for me to take.

Across the way, Jason shook his head and I laughed. “Give it to daddy Timmy.”

“No.”

“You know, if you don’t watch yourself, you’re gonna grow up to be one mean kid.” Jason told him.

I didn’t know if Timmy really got the gist of what he had said, but he carefully replaced the green crayon, dropped the box all together; causing the lot of them to spill onto the floor, and stuck his index and forefingers into his mouth—something he tended to do when he was upset.

When the tears began to gather in his eyes, I reached over, took hold of his arms and lifted him up and stood. “Alright don’t start…daddy was just being grumpy like he always is.” I told him, and the man in question rolled his eyes.

“It’s almost time for us to leave anyway.” I told Jason.“ I might as well take him out now.“

Jason nodded, then he too stood. “Where’d you put your shoes Timmy?” he asked, looking around the room.

Timmy pulled his fingers from his mouth and blinked away the tears that clung to his long lashes. “I no no.”

“Where did you have it last?” I asked him and when he pointed to the kitchen, Jason went to investigate.

In the mean time I picked up bunny from the couch and handed it to him, then bent to retrieve his bag from under the coffee table where he’d stashed it earlier.

“You gonna be a good boy for me today?” I asked him when he had buried his face into my neck, and he nodded.

“You promise?”

Another nod. “Pomise”

“Found em.” Jason reentered the room holding up his shoes and I waited for him to slip them onto Timmy’s feet.

I could smell the faint hint of my shower gel on him when he leaned in to kiss his son’s cheek, but it was gone the second he pulled away. “No crying today okay?” Jason told him. “Be good for Michael alright? I love you.”

Timmy nodded and even though the words were clearly meant for him, I felt them like a shot through the chest.

He ruffled Timmy’s hair and his eyes met mine for a second before they skittered away again. “Remember not to give him anymore candy today.”

“I won’t.”

I turned to go and when I pulled open the front door, Timmy glanced over my shoulder and gave Jason a little wave.

“And don’t let them cut too much of his hair. He’ll cry if they do.”

“Yeah I know. I was there the last time remember?” I said, then smiled indulgently and he nodded. “I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah and don’t forget the vegetable book when you go to the library.” He called again when I was strapping Timmy into his car seat

“Daddy no come Micha?”

“No daddy has to work today, remember?”

“No.”

“You’ll see him when you get home. We have a lot of errands to run today.” I handed him Bunny, who had fallen head first onto the floor of the car, and locked his door.

Jason gave me a small wave when I was buckled in and he was still watching us from the doorway when I pulled out from the driveway and onto the road.

He’d started working at the garage earlier this week and he was as dedicated to it as he was to Timmy. He hadn’t said whether he liked it or hated it, but he’d gone in three days already and he’d made sure he was on time every morning. He’d even made a habit of getting up earlier each morning to pack his lunch and make breakfast for everyone. Which had in turn, forced me to get up to help him. 

All in all he seemed much more satisfied with his place in the world, and it was good to see him with that same grin on his face every morning as he walked out the door. Of course, he’d refused my offer to take him to work in the mornings, being the prideful, independent person that he was, but that would soon change when I started work come Monday morning, since the garage was on the way. I could drop him off before I dropped Timmy off at his grandmother’s.

The thought made me smile. I was looking forward to this new routine. It would make this feel even more like a family. I glanced into the rear view mirror at Timmy. He was shoving Bunny’s stuffing back into his side. I made a mental note to ask my mom to sew that up for him when next I saw her.

I flipped on the children’s radio station and made a right turn at the intersection.

My mind went back to Jason…something that had been happening more frequently since the night he’d spilled his guts, then asked me to keep his secrets.

It had been almost two weeks since then and he’d yet to give any indication that he remembered our conversation. I shook my head. It had been a longshot anyway with the amount of liquor he’d poured down his throat that night, but that didn’t stop me from searching for signs.

I’d thought of telling him about a dozen times since then, but instinct held me back. It was best to let him come to me when he was ready. Telling him I knew would only serve to embarrass him and maybe even push him away.

It was crazy how much had changed though. Before he’d told me how he felt, I was in the dark. Now when I caught him trying to pretend he hadn’t been staring at me, I knew why. Now when I smiled at him and he blushed like a school girl, I understood. Now when he got that strange look in his eyes whenever I held his son, I had no doubt in my mind what he was feeling.

Jason was in love with me. He had been for a while and now that I knew it I was a happier man. I could see it in his eyes when I made love to him and I could feel it whenever he held me tight afterwards. I only wished I could tell him I knew so it would all be out in the open.

Patience .

He’d even stopped moving between rooms now. One day I’d moved all his stuff to my room…cleared out a few drawers for him and everything and he hadn’t complained. Now we went to bed together and woke up together and everyone was happier for it…except for maybe Timmy, who loved his father’s company.

It was the waking up together that was the real bonus. Like a few mornings ago when I’d felt him running his fingers along the side of my face when he’d thought I’d been sleeping. I’d enjoyed it as he’d run them through my hair and as he’d touched every inch of my face. I’d allowed him his opportunity to explore, because he wouldn’t have done it if he’d known I was awake. I’d felt his stare and I’d wanted more than anything to open my eyes and watch him to do it. I’d felt his breath on my skin when he’d leaned in to kiss my cheek, my nose, my eyelids. Then he had run a thumb gently over my lips, as though he were saving them for last, but he’d pulled away and I’d been disappointed when he’d slipped from between the sheets.

I’d cracked my eyes open then to watch him as he got out of bed and crossed the room; naked and beautiful. Then he’d slipped on his pants and left.

It was the first and only time he’d done something like that and it was the first time I’d really felt the yearning he had inside him. He was afraid, and I didn’t know how to change that except to give it time.

I’d never been a patient man, but this whole experience was certainly teaching me a lot of it.

“Micha bus song.”

I glanced into the rear view mirror to see the devil watching me expectantly, then I reached into the glove compartment and retrieved his favorite CD. When I stuck it in and flipped to the song, he leaned back in his seat and listened. He never sang along to any of his songs, but they seemed to relax him. It was always interesting to see the change in him. From hyper to zen in a matter of minutes.

I’d have to make sure it was on full blast after he got his hair cut, because that never went well. It was just too bad I hadn’t been able to get him that dentist appointment after he went to the hair salon. It would have been the quickest way to calm him down, since he had a huge crush on his dentist.

………………………………

The dentist, the hardware store, the hair salon, a quick stop for some lunch and finally the library. That was the itinerary for the day and it started out fairly well.

At the dentist, Timmy was the epitome of perfection. He held the doc’s hand as she led him into the room and wouldn’t allow me to lift him into her chair. It was as though I didn’t exist when she was around. He babbled to her throughout the entire teeth-cleaning process, which undoubtedly made it a bit difficult for her to get her job done, but he opened his mouth when she asked, and he spat when she said, and stared and stared when he couldn’t say a word.

When it was all over and she lifted him from the chair, he accepted the sticker she gave him with a reverence I didn’t know he possessed, then waved goodbye with a pearly white grin plastered on his face when it was time to go.

  ✓

Dentist (check)

When we finally got to the hardware store, with his sticker proudly visible on his forehead, he was still on his dentist high. He babbled and touched everything, and when I reached the counter with my two bags of cement and stack of nails, he begged me to let him sit on the counter so he could have a chat with the cashier.

“That’s a cool sticker you got there little man” Dave the cashier praised, and Timmy reached up to cover it; watching Dave with distrustful eyes, as though he thought Dave would take away his prize. It was only when Dave rolled up his sleeve to show him his dragon tattoo, that Timmy decided Dave could be trusted. When I’d paid the bil,l and Dave held up his fist for Timmy to bump, we both watched as he slowly reached out to touch it with his finger. And so a friendship had formed.

Timmy continued his babbling on our way to the car and was so excited about meeting his new friend Dave, that he decided he wanted to run the rest of the way, and I had to grab him around the middle and hoist him into the air just as he was about to run out into the street.

My heart was pounding so hard after that episode that my hands shook as I tried to insert the key into the car door a few minutes later. When we were both seated, I gave him a five minute speech about the dangers of running into an open lot, which of course he ignored in favor of removing some of the stuffing from Bunny’s side.

✓   Hardware store (check)

The next stop was the place I’d been dreading all week; the hair salon. The place looked like a mini amusement park what with all the toys and the colorful décor, but for Timmy, it was a war zone and he made his displeasure known to all its inhabitants the moment he realized where we were.

He didn’t just cry, he bawled. When I lifted him with the intention to put him into the rocket-shaped chair, he kicked and screamed and fought, until the lady suggested I sit in a normal chair with him in my lap. Timmy could not be consoled. I reminded him that he’d promised me and daddy to be a good boy, but that fell on deaf ears. I promised him ice-cream when we were done, but apparently, ice-cream could not replace all the hair the evil witch was taking from his head.

I told him it would grow back and showed him all the other little boys who were getting their hair cut without a fuss, but he couldn’t care less. He wouldn’t take my hand when I told him he could hold it, and every time a lock of his hair fell onto his lap, he took it up and tried to reattach it to his head…without success.

He cried some more.

“His dad would kill me.” I told the lady when she asked if she could give him a lollipop to help calm him down, and by the time his once shoulder-length hair was cut to just under his chin, I had a headache.

“We’re all done now Timmy. See?” I gave him the mirror so he could see that she hadn’t cut off much and he still had his long black mane, but he was upset with me, and upset with the hair lady, and upset with just the idea of the place, so we left with him in a funky mood.

He didn’t talk to me in the car, and when I tried to wipe his nose when we stopped in the parking lot of the restaurant, he wouldn’t have it.

Not even the bus song could calm his stressed-out soul, and we sat in the parking lot for a long time as he forcefully stuffed and destuffed Bunny over and over again, until I could convince him that I wasn’t the demon he clearly thought I had become.

✓   Haircut (Check)

He asked for macaroni and cheese at the restaurant, so I ordered him a serving with barbeque chicken wings and apple juice, and when he’d eaten his fill, he started talking to me in full sentences again. I let him taste my steak, which he decided he didn’t like, and when the bill was paid and we were good friends again, I took him to the restroom so he could relieve himself and wash his hands. Before we left though, he’d tried to strike up conversation with some guy who was busy doing his business, and I’d had to usher him out with the promise of new friends once we got to the library.

✓   Lunch (check)

We usually allowed him to pick out his own books at the library, because it guaranteed that he’d sit still and listen once we read them to him at home during the week. However, today they had some sort of toddler gathering at the library, where all the little tables had been pushed together and toys, books and play doe were scattered on top of them. There were about fifteen kids running around and making a racket and Timmy quickly lost interest in book hunting.

He wanted to play, but he didn’t want to go alone, so he dragged me over to the group and made me sit as close by as possible while he went to explore. I noticed that while he watched the other kids and was clearly fascinated by them, he didn’t get too close. I figured maybe enrolling him in a preschool twice a week or so might be a good way for him to interact with kids his age. It would be good for him.

“Which one’s yours?”

I looked over to see a thin, blond woman taking her seat on the carpet beside me. She had legs for days and a warm, welcoming smile.

I gestured to Timmy. “The one hogging all the toys.” I told her, and watched as she looked cross the way. When she saw him, she smiled and I tried to see Timmy through her eyes.

He was the smallest one there, and maybe I was biased, but I was convinced he was also the cutest; with his fat cheeks, adorable dimples and big, soulful eyes. Not to mention his treasured midnight-black curls. His eyes were narrowed in concentration as he shaped his play doe into nothing sensible. His brows were furrowed and his tongue sticking out at the corner of his mouth as he focused. The smartest kid too, I bet. I grinned.

“He’s adorable.” The woman said, and I tore my eyes away from him to offer her a smile.

“What about you?”

“Right over there… with the Barbie.”

I spotted her easily. The little girl was the splitting imagine of her mother…minus the makeup and hair extensions. “She’ll have all the boys eating out of the palm of her hands before long.”

Mommy laughed, then held out a hand. “I’m Hannah.”

I took it and we shook briefly. “Michael.”

“Do you live close by? I’ve never seen you here before.”

“Not far from here. I’m actually here every week, but I usually come on Sundays. Decided to change up the schedule today.”

“Ah I see.” Then she looked down at my hands which were clasped around my bent knee. “I’m sure his mother appreciates the break.”

“His mother died actually.” I said without thinking, and she practically cooed.

“Oh you poor thing. I’m so sorry to hear that.” Then she looked at Timmy, who had glanced my way again, as he’d been doing every few minutes to make sure I was still there. “That poor child, growing up without a mother. My husband died just before Marcy was born, so it’s just me too.”

“Oh…ah…my condolences.”

Hannah’s face brightened and she took my hand in hers and squeezed. “I think it would be so nice for them to have a little play date, don’t you?”

I looked from her, to her daughter and back and nodded. “Sure.” I watched as she let go of my hand and fished in her purse for her phone.

“Just give me your number. We can arrange a little get-together one of these days.” Her face had become flushed, and her smile wide as we exchanged number,s and I thought of how good it could be for Timmy to have another kid to play with.

She talked a lot after that. She told me all about her little Marcy, and about how children needed the love of two parents in their lives, and how Marcy would do well with a little brother or sister. I wholeheartedly agreed and would have told her about Jason, but she wouldn’t let me get a word in. It was a good thing we’d met though, because she told me a lot of helpful things. Including fun activities I could do with Timmy, and the best way to get him to use the bathroom by himself. She told me about Marcy’s fear of the dark and I suggested the glow in the dark stickers for the ceiling and a princess nightlight since she was a little girl.

All in all, it was an eye opener, and before she left I’d already had a list of all the important things to know about raising a toddler, which I securely placed into my wallet.

It took about an hour and a half, but eventually I was able to pry Timmy away from the toys and we searched for his books. He picked out the ones with bunnies or fire trucks on the front, and went even further to choose once with a big green turtle on the cover.

He wasn’t allowed to watch the cartoon with the dancing vegetables anymore, because it had convinced him that vegetables were his friend, and as a result, he point blank refused to eat them. So, after he’d made his selection, I went in search of books on the importance of eating vegetables, and armed with our stack, we checked them out and made our way back to the car.

✓   Library (check)

I made a quick stop at a fast-food place on the way home because Timmy wanted fries, and I decided to pick up something for dinner while we were at it.

………………………………

It was sometime after seven when Jason got home. By then, Timmy was squeaky clean and downstairs watching TV with a bowl of fruit nestled between his legs and a cup of water beside him.

After he’d eaten and showered, Jason joined me on the couch. I pulled him closer and he came without protest. “It looks good.” He said, referring to Timmy’s hair. “Did he cry?”

“Like a banshee.”

Jason laughed. “He thinks it’s a part of him. Like an arm or a leg.”

“Maybe if he saw you cut yours, he wouldn’t be so afraid.”

“Yeah, but…” he trailed off.

“What?”

He shook his head. “Nothing. Maybe you’re right.”

“No, tell me what you were going to say.”

He shook his head and blushed. “It’s just that I thought…that maybe you liked my hair like this.”

It was such an unexpected response, that I laughed, then pulled him closer when he tried to move away. “I do.” I told him and leaned into kiss his neck.

He tried to pull away again. “Don’t. Timmy—”

“…is practically asleep.” I finished, and he glanced at his son, whose eyes were in fact already drooping.

I nibbled on his earlobe. When he pulled away again, I sighed and stood to get Timmy. “Come on kid. It’s time for bed.” I picked him up and of course, he protested, but it was weak at best and I carted him off up the stairs.

I brushed his teeth and helped him into his PJ’s and by the time I had him tucked into bed, he was fast asleep. He’d had a long day after all.

I plugged in his nightlight and closed the door behind me, making my way downstairs. Jason had already cleared away Timmy’s water and fruit bowl, and was turning out the lights when I got there. “Ready for bed?” I asked him as I turned off the television, and his eyes narrowed.

“I’m tired.” He glared. When I grinned, his eyes narrowed further.

“For real.” He told me after I checked the locks and we were heading upstairs. “I worked really hard today.”

“I have no doubt.”

“So I just want to sleep.” He said carefully, as if to ensure that I understood every word he was saying.

“I completely understand.” I assured him, but I couldn’t help the slow smile that spread across my face, and he sighed when I locked the door behind us and began shedding my clothes.

He climbed into bed fully clothed and I turned out the light and followed. I would have fun peeling back the layers. When I was spread out beside him, I pulled him closer and whispered in his ear.

“I missed you today.”

“It was only a few hours.” He whispered back, but I could hear the smile in his voice as he tried to bury his face into his pillow.

“Didn’t you miss me?”

He shook his head. I grinned and ran a hand under his shirt. “Michael.” He warned.

“I’m only touching.” I kissed his neck. “And tasting.”

He chuckled. “You’re not allowed.”

His nipples hardened when I ran my fingers across them and he sucked in a breath.

“I just wanted to sleep.” He groaned when I dipped into his sweatpants.

“Where’s the fun in that?”

He hardened in my hand and I pumped him slowly. I grinned when he turned on his back and his legs fell apart. “Do you want me to stop?” I whispered against his lips, and he shook his head.

He allowed me to pull off his pants and he watched me as I slid down and settled between his legs; eyes only drifting shut when I took him into my mouth.

His hips rose as I suckled him and he hissed and panted and groaned the longer it went on. I liked the taste of him between my lips. I liked what I could make him feel. I liked that he was mine. I took my time and made him feel every slide and suckle. I felt his hand tight in my hair as I took him deep and I basked in it. This was all for him. There was no need to rush it, even though he begged and bucked and called out my name.

I took my time even when I felt his release and while he shuddered and pulled harder on my hair, I swallowed. When he was sated, I moved to lay beside him, but I stopped him when he moved to return the favor.

“But what about you?”

“I’m fine.” I told him and his brows furrowed.

“But—”

I held him close to me. “You can sleep now.”

For a moment, he only watched me in confusion, then his eyes gentled and slowly, he raised a hand…to touch my face I guessed, but when I whispered the three words he’d claimed he didn’t want to hear, he flinched and made to pull away.

I took his hand anyway and brought it to my face, where I held it for a while. Through it all, he watched in silence. “I won’t stop saying it.” I told him, then released his hand and lay my head against the pillow.

He turned away then, so that his black was to my chest, but his body was still tense.

“Go to sleep Jace.”

“Okay.” He whispered back and moments later, he did just that.

                                                                           AUTHOR’S NOTES

I’M BACK!

Exams are finally over so now i’m all yours!

Hope you enjoyed the chapter. While you wait, feel free to go check out my other works: A Vampire’s Marine and Dominance and Submission . You won’t regret it!

THANKS FOR READING AND KEEP SWEET!

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Chapter 23: Domestic

Chapter 23

Jason

The clock above the TV in our bedroom said it was already past ten in the morning and Michael and Timmy were still in bed. I watched them from the doorway feeling all kinds of feelings I didn’t want to feel.

Timmy had gotten a bad dream the night before, so Michael had stayed up with him for a couple hours, then brought him to bed with us when he’d finally calmed down. Now Michael was fast asleep and Timmy was lying buck naked on his stomach, and watching me with those big doe eyes while he sucked his fingers.

Spoiled. That’s what he was. Michael had gone and spoiled him. I’d thought about crawling right back in with them about a thousand times already, but I figured I better get busy. It was finally the weekend, which meant no work, so I wanted to get as much done as I could while I had the chance.

Breakfast was already done and waiting and the coffee was sitting on the counter getting cold. I’d also thought of maybe bringing them breakfast in bed, but changed my mind. Who knew how it would look to Michael; me acting like some housewife.

I shook my head. Ridiculous.

Timmy took his fingers out of his mouth for a second and waved. I waved back.

“You wanna come help me downstairs?” I whispered, and he shook his head.

’Course he didn’t; he had his nice, comfortable spot lying down on Michael; as if the guy was a big teddy bear.

He was a pretty decent guy, that Michael; taking care of my kid like he was his own. Treating us like family. It was damn decent of him. Just like that time so long ago when he went and helped me out for no damn reason; just a guy on the street and he took the time to help me of all people.

It was no wonder I went and got my mind fucked up over him. Aint nobody could see somebody like that and not feel something. Michael was just too handsome for his own good. I saw how people looked at him when we went anywhere; drooling over him like he was something to eat.

I sighed.

Michael just couldn’t help that he went and got born with a body like his and a face like that; some people were just lucky. Didn’t make sense that he was interested in me—not when so many good looking people were out there who had so much more to offer, but here I was. He was in love with my son and he said he was in love with me too.

I felt the usual pain in my chest just thinking about it. I loved him for so long now, I should be happy that there was even a possibility that maybe he really felt the same way, but it only made me miserable. I could imagine waking up to him for the rest of my life though. I could see it and I wanted it. I wanted it bad, but good things like that only happened for other kinds of people; not people like me and Timmy.

One day he was gonna get tired of having to see us all the time, and we were gonna have to move on.

I blinked away the tears and cursed under my breath; standing here acting like some girl. Pathetic.

I turned away. I got things to do today, so I might as well get to them.

Michael said we were going to paint Timmy’s room today, so I fingered I might as well get it ready. I’d have to get something to spread over the carpet and I’d have to get something to cover all the furniture. Yesterday he’d said something about some tarpaulin being in the storage room outside, and he’d put the paint cans in the laundry room downstairs.

The paint rollers and brushes were probably in the storage room too.

When I got all the materials we would need, I brought them back to Timmy’s room and started moving all the furniture to the middle of the space. When that was done, I covered everything with the tarp, then lay some old newspapers along the walls.

I liked the color of the paint; light blue. Timmy would love it, but more than that, he was going to love the posters Michael got for him. They had all his favorite cartoon characters on them; except the vegetables because that was just another stressful story. I poured the paint into the roller dish and made sure the roller was coated properly, before I started on the wall. It was a really nice blue. Too bad the job would take all day because the room was so big.

I was halfway done with the first coat on one wall when Timmy showed up. “Daddy, tea?”

“Gimmie a sec. No don’t come in here.”

I rolled the paint onto the wall real quick and climbed down the ladder.

“What kinda tea do you want? Chocolate?”

He shook his head.

“Mint, Camomile, peppermint, green tea?” He shook his head for all of them. It was Michael’s damn fault for having so many options.

“Then what?”

“Miwk.”

“Warm milk?”

“Yes daddy.” I was following him down the hall when he pointed to me and Michael’s room and said; “Micha seeping.”

“You wanna go wake him up?” he nodded. “Go then. Tell him it’s time to get up and then come downstairs for the milk.”

“Micha daddy say up!” he was shouting as he ran down the hall and into the other room.

I rolled my eyes. ’Course he’d have to drag my name into it.

I should have just gone downstairs after that, but for some stupid reason I couldn’t help but go stand in the doorway and watch. Timmy was patting Michael’s side. I shook my head. A normal person wouldn’t feel a thing from the way he was patting, but of course Michael, being trained and all that stuff that came went with being a FBI agent, woke up anyway.

He didn’t open his eyes, but he groaned. “Go back to sleep kid.” I shivered all the way down to my toes. I always loved his morning voice. It was always deeper and sexier than usual; if that was even possible.

“No, daddy say up!”

“Yeah okay.” He said, but instead of getting up, he turned around and pulled the pillow over his head.

Timmy looked at me, and I backed away from the door and shook my head.

“Micha, daddy say up.”

I swear it happened in like less than a second, but one second I was watching Timmy and the next, Michael reached over and pulled him under the covers with him. I couldn’t see Timmy anymore, but I could hear him giggling.

I smiled. I loved it when Timmy laughed. Ever since we started living here, it had turned into a regular thing. Michael was good for him.

“Micha no tickows!”

What if Michael really was serious about this? What if he never got tired of us? Lots of people in the world had really good lives. Like Michael’s parents; they were old and they’d been together practically forever. If Michael was anything like his old man, then maybe, just maybe, he wanted a forever type of relationship.

I knew at least one person like me who used to live on the streets and everything, and now he was happy. So what if maybe it could happen for me and Timmy?

I shook my head. I wish I could know for sure if all this shit was possible. Then I could relax and laugh like Timmy, and be comfortable in this big old house, and just be happy with Michael.

I clapped a hand over my forehead. All this stressing was only giving me a headache.

Timmy giggled again from somewhere under the covers and I left to go make his warm milk.

………………………………………..

I was done with one wall by the time Michael and Timmy finished breakfast and decided to come annoy me.

“No don’t let him come in here. He’s only gonna make a mess.”

“Says who? Let the kid watch.”

“Then make him watch from in the hallway.”

“You worry too much.” He said, as usual never taking anything seriously. “This looks pretty good for just the first coat.” He was saying, but I was watching Timmy, because whether Michael wanted to admit it or not, he was the clumsiest little person in the world.

“Here.” Michael gave Timmy his phone and Bunny. “You sit right here in the middle and watch okay?”

“Daddy cowerwing?”

Michael nodded, then gave him his water bottle too. I got started on the other wall. It was definitely taking longer than I thought to get everything done, which meant I should have started it earlier.

We at least got to finish the second wall before Timmy started doing exactly what I told Michael he would do. First he stepped into the paint and decided it was okay to run away with it still on the bottom of his right foot when we tried to catch him. So now if anybody decided to visit, they’d get to see the tiny blue footprints on the carpet in the hall, ’cause I wasn’t cleaning them; not after I warned Michael in the first place.

Even after all that, Michael figured he could just talk to Timmy and tell him how important it was for him to stay in one spot; as if the kid would listen, but I figured since he thought he knew best, I’d just let him do whatever he wanted. I definitely wasn’t surprised half an hour later, when Timmy dropped Bunny and Michael’s phone into the paint. When Michael pulled them out of the container and looked over at me, I ignored him, because like I said; I had warned him, but what did I know about my own son. It’s not like I been taking care of him since he was born or nothin’.

At least Bunny looked more interesting now.

“Put him out in the hallway Michael.”

“He’s fine where he is. He’s just bored. I’ll go get some of his toys and let him watch a cartoon on the tablet.”

I shook my head.

After we finished the last wall, Timmy tripped and fell into the container and even managed to turn over the other can of paint all over himself. It was in his hair, on his face; it was everywhere. “Just give me him.” I took his from Michael and carried him into the bathroom. I guess it was a good thing he’d been naked the whole time.

I scrubbed him clean in the tub; making sure the clean out all the creases properly. When I turned on the shower instead of the bottom faucet like I usually did; he started giggling. He liked the spray.

This time, when I was done, I put him out in the hallway and set him down on some cushions on the carpet.

“Don’t come back in there or you’re gonna be in a lot of trouble okay?”

“Yes daddy.”

Putting on the second coat of paint was easier than the first and in no time, the first wall was done. Everything was going good too; at least until I bent down to paint the bottom of the wall and I felt Timmy climbing onto my back.

“Timmy you can’t be doing that, I’m—” but he fell before I could reach behind me and grab him, and he ended up covered in paint… again.

After that Michael’s dad came to take him away for a couple of hours and finally, the place was quiet again. When I looked over at Michael I frowned. He was looking at me and I could already tell he was having dirty thoughts.

“Behave.” I even moved with my paint tray over to the other side of the room so he wouldn’t bother with his usual silliness, but he only laughed.

“I’m just admiring the view Jace.”

“Well stop.”

He laughed some more. “You’ve been grumpy all day, what’s up?”

“Nothing. I just got a lot to think about.”

“Yeah? Like what?”

I turned to the wall and stated rolling on the second coat of paint. “Just some private stuff.”

“You sure you don’t want to share? I’m a great listener.”

“I’m sure.” But was I really?

I thought about how good it would feel to talk to somebody; anybody, about the things I was feeling and the thoughts I was having. Just for once it would be nice to tell them to somebody other than Timmy, because the truth was; Timmy just didn’t understand, and he couldn’t give me advice or tell me if all my feelings made sense.

“Alright, but remember I’m here whenever you need to.”

“Yeah.” Except everything I wanted to talk about was about Michael. It just wouldn’t make sense to talk to him about himself. What would he think?

I turned and looked at him again. He was busy with his roller, so he wasn’t watching me anymore. I bit my lip. Michael was smart; he always said the right things and he understood confusing stuff like this. So maybe…

I sighed and turned back to my wall. I didn’t used to worry as much when me and Timmy used to live in our broken down old house. Back then nothing was confusing. The only thing I had to think about was getting food for me and Timmy, and saving. I didn’t have to be dealing with feelings all the time or wondering if anything was gonna last, because out there things were simpler. I put a hand over my chest and took a deep breath. I was sick of the pain I kept feeling there every time I started thinking too much. I just wanted everything to be easier.

I turned around and dropped my roller “Do you think…“I took another deep breath. “Do you think maybe we could just finish this tomorrow?”

Michael turned to look at me. “Yeah of course. There’s no rush.”

I nodded. “I was thinking maybe I could talk to you. Like a real serious conversation.”

He frowned, but he was nodding. “Of course Jace, whatever you need. Let me just cover these up and we can go downstairs and talk.”

I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as we packed up the paint and stuff. My hands were shaking so bad when I went to the bathroom to wash them too.

When we finally got downstairs to the living room, he chose the seat across from me after I sat down, and I pulled one of the cushions into my lap.

I didn’t know where to start and he was looking at me and waiting and my chest kept on hurting and everything felt shitty. I was thinking about just getting up and telling him to forget about the whole thing when he smiled and said; “It’s okay, take your time”

After that I just felt this huge amount of emotion come over me; and I told him the truth. “I’m really stressed out Michael.” I couldn’t stop the tears after that. They just kept coming and coming and when I felt Michael’s arms around me it just made everything worse. I was bawling and messing up his shirt and I couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it.

I didn’t even know how long it went on for, but Michael just held me real close and he kept telling me it was okay like any of this was normal. He was holding me so tight it was like he wanted to pull me right inside him, where I bet it would be warmer and safer and freer, and the longer he was holding me, the longer I cried, until finally; I couldn’t find any more tears to let out.

He held me long after I stopped crying too, and we just sat there in the quiet and it was nice.

“Talk to me Jace.” He finally said, and I realized that I didn’t want to keep anything to myself anymore. It was just too hard. I sat up and he let me, and I liked that he kept his eyes on me. I liked that he looked so concerned.

I breathed in deep and let it out, then I looked down at my hands. “I feel like I have too much stuff in my head and in my…in my heart and it’s all too much to keep inside and I feel like I’m gonna burst right open.”

He took one of my hands and I stared at his fingers. “What kind of things do you have in your head?” his voice was so soft when he asked.

“Everything. Mostly you.” I looked at his face real quick, but he still just looked concerned. “I keep thinking about how I feel and how I want things to work out, and how you say the things you keep saying, but I still can’t know whether it’s gonna work out. And it’s stressing me out every day Michael, because I need to know for sure so I can stop worrying and wondering and losing my fucking mind.”

“You need to know for sure if we are going to work out you mean?”

I nodded.

“Well you can’t Jace. You won’t ever know with any kind of certainty that what we have will last.” He said, but he wasn’t saying the right things and I tried to move away, but he held on to me. “That’s the thing about relationships; any kind of relationship really: you just can’t be sure, but people do it anyway. Every time you make a friend it’s a risk because you don’t know whether somewhere down the line you’ll lose your friend forever, but you still form the friendship right?”

I nodded.

“Exactly, the only thing any of us really know is how we feel, and what we intend to do to make the relationship work.” He said. “Look at Timmy for instance. You don’t know if one day down the line he’ll grow up and move half way across the world from you, but you know you love him right?”

I nodded.

“And you know that you’ll always be his father and that no matter what happens or what he does, he’ll always have a home wherever you are right ?”

“Yeah.”

“And that’s because he’s family, and no matter what happens with family, it can never really end.” He put his fingers under my chin, which forced me to look at him. “Let me tell you something. If you really want what we have to work and you work your ass off to make sure it does, then there’s absolutely nothing that will stop us from working, because I want it to work too and I’ll be working my ass off with you.”

“But things like this don’t work for me and Timmy.”

“Bullshit.” He said softly. “Back when you lived on the streets, did you ever think you two would have the life you do now?”

“No.”

“Why?”

I shrugged. “Cause things like this don’t happen for us, I told you.”

“Yet here you are. Things like this are happening for you and they have been for months, so why can’t everything else?”

I opened my mouth to tell him why, but I froze, because I hadn’t ever thought about it like that before.

Michael smiled. “Everything will work out between us because we both want it to work out and we’ll work hard to make it last. So you can stop worrying now and you can’t stop feeling stressed.”

“But how do you know?”

“Because like I said, no matter how bad it gets between family, you can never really get rid of them, and you and Timmy are my family; whether you want to admit it or not.”

I felt my face get hot and my eyes get watery again and I blinked hard to make it go away.

“We’re your family?”

“Always.”

I nodded. “That’s good.”

“You want to tell me what’s got your heart so full now?”

I looked at him; at his face and into his eyes, and I thought about how long I loved him for and everything that had been happening in my life since the second I realized that I was. I remembered stalking him every Friday night like a lost puppy. I remembered how it felt to want to say hi to him so bad, but being afraid to, and how it felt to stay up in bed every night just thinking about him and wanting him, but knowing I couldn’t ever have him; not in a million years. Yet, here I was; living in his house, going to sleep with him beside me every single night, and waking up and seeing him there still.

For some reason Michael chose me. Out of all the people in the world he chose me and Timmy and all he did was take care of us. All he did was make us happy. So happy.

“I think maybe I love you too Michael.” I told him for the first time and it was his turn to blink away the tears, before he grinned; the happiest grin I’d ever seen.

“I know Jace.”

………………………………………………..

“Daddy lif.” Timmy asked for third time since we got out of the car.

“You got legs don’t you?”

He looked down to check and I laughed. “You can sit in the cart when we get inside.”

I couldn’t remember a time I felt so good. Me and Michael had talked for hours after I finally told him how I felt. He told me about his parents and how long they’d been together, and we talked about Timmy and his friends. I told him a lot about life on the streets and about my feelings; lots and lots about my feelings, and I felt like a lot of the stuff that had been pulling me down was just up in the air now. I felt lighter and not as stressed out as I was before.

There were still plenty of stuff I couldn’t just forget about or stop worrying about, or thinking about, but there were also plenty of stuff that I felt much better about now too.

I looked at Michael. He was on the phone with some guy named Riley, because we were supposed to go to his house in the morning. Just like that, he’d gone and made so many things easier for me, and all we did was talk.

I told him I loved him. He knew now and I couldn’t ever take it back. It made my stomach hurt just thinking about it, but maybe this was a good thing. Timmy was pulling my hand to make me walk faster. Michael’s dad had gone and given him soda and now he was all over the place. I didn’t like him drinking soda.

I put him in the cart the second we got inside the grocery store, so he could stop whining, and when Michael finished his call, he pushed it.

The place was kinda empty tonight, which was just the way I liked it. That way people didn’t stare as much and we could get our groceries in peace.

“Alright. We need orange juice and milk.” He said when he looked at the list.

I made sure to look at all of them; trying to get the cheapest.

“Just pick one. Orange juice is orange juice.”

Which was why it made sense to get the cheap one. I put it and the milk in the cart. This was one of the reasons I didn’t like going grocery shopping with Michael. He just picked up the first thing he saw and didn’t even look at the price or the deals. If it said mac and cheese on the list; he just went and picked up the biggest one. If it said pancake mix; he picked the biggest. It didn’t matter than he could get the same thing for cheaper, or he could get two for one. As long as it was bigger, it was better.

I rolled my eyes when he picked up the biggest box of cookies and dropped it into the cart.

“We didn’t have cookies on the list.”

“You can’t go wrong with cookies. Right Timmy?” But Timmy wasn’t paying attention because he was eating the banana Michael peeled for him like a minute after we came in.

“Hey.” He nudged Timmy. “Don’t you hear me talking to you? Which one’s more important kid? Me or your food?

“Micha Timmy haf eat.”

I smiled. This could be us forever. Just the three of us. Then I felt the usual pain in my chest. Or everything could fall apart.

I took a deep breath, maybe tonight when we got home me and Michael could talk about it some more.

                                                                  AUTHOR’S NOTES

HOPE YOU ENJOYED BEING LOST IN JASON’S MIND FOR A FEW MINUTES.

THANKS FOR READING!

CHECK OUT MY BOOK DOMINANCE AND SUBMISSION OR A VAMPIRE’S MARINE WHILE YOU AIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER!

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Chapter 24: Distractions.

Chapter 24

Michael

“Timmy, how many times do I gotta tell you to stop going through that. It aint yours.”

Timmy, who had been crouched over a large box of Riley’s stuff, glanced at his father and pouted. “Wiley say yes Timmy.”

“It’s okay. I don’t mind.” Riley confirmed as he carted yet another box into the room and deposited it onto the floor. I watched as Jason glared at his son, until finally, Timmy stood and stepped away from the box, but still managed to remain close enough so that he could peer inside.

“Do you really need to bring all this stuff?”

Riley chuckled. “You sound like Nate. He’s out with John right now complaining about how I’m packing up his house and moving far away.”

I laughed. Yes I could definitely picture the overprotective Nate, grumbling to John under his breath.

“He wouldn’t mind me staying here and commuting for three hours every morning.” He shook his head. “ but I want the full college experience. I want to live on campus and eat Ramen for dinner and cuss out my roommate for playing loud music. I’ve lost enough time as it is.“

I shrugged. “I can’t imagine it’s any different from prison. Miniature room, grouchy roommate and crappy food.”

He laughed “Except prison doesn’t have awesome house parties and all the weed brownies you can eat.”

“No wonder Nate’s worried.”

“Nah, I’m kidding. I’m going to nerd out and keep out of any and all trouble. Nate’s just upset because I wouldn’t rent an apartment close by campus instead of living on dorm.”

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Timmy inch closer to the box. “Why’d that upset him?”

“Because it means he can’t drive up and stay over whenever he wants.” Then he blushed, and understanding dawned. I chuckled and Timmy inched ever closer to the box, glancing inconspicuously at his father as he did so.

“How’d you manage to get in so late in the semester anyway?”

Riley grabbed a stool and sat down for the first time since our arrival. “Kyle’s dad pulled some strings. He knows some people I guess. Technically, I won’t officially start until August, but for now they’re allowing me to do a few courses so I can catch up with the class until then.”

“That’s nice of him.” I murmured, knowing that Kyle’s old man was not the type to do anything out of the goodness of his heart.

Riley nodded. “I could have waited, but you know how Kyle gets. He convinced him before I even knew what he was going to do and you know his dad will do anything for him.”

I chuckled. “Everybody spoils Kyle.”

Riley smiled. “He booked a room at a hotel near campus because he says he wants to keep me company for the first week until I make some friends.”

I imagined the eccentric, loud-mouthed Kyle on a University campus and flinched. There was no way that was going to end well. “John can’t be too happy about that.”

“He’s even grumpier than usual now if that’s even possible. Every time he comes over he gives me this look. As if anybody can stop Kyle once he makes up his mind.”

“Don’t let him get too crazy up there.” I grinned.

“The best I can promise is that he’ll come back in one piece and even that I’m not too sure about.”

We both looked at Timmy when he started rattling around in the box again.

“Kids are so curios about everything.” Riley commented. I glanced at Jason to gauge his reaction, but he was so lost in his own thoughts, that he hadn’t even realized. He’d been distracted ever since he’d gotten out of bed this morning and I couldn’t help but wonder if it had anything to do with his big confession the day before.

“Timmy more so than the average kid I think.” I told him. “He always has to be in the know.”

“I’m pretty sure you’ve convinced Kyle that having a kid is the next step for him. He won’t stop talking about Timmy and now I know why. He’s cute.”

“Kyle can’t take care of himself much less a kid.”

Riley shrugged. “I think he’d make a pretty good dad. He’d spoil his children though and John would have to do all the cleaning.” We chuckled at the thought.

He bent to zip up one of his suitcases and I tried to remember if I had packed so many things when I’d been going off to college years ago.

“Is this everything now?” I gestured to the many boxes as he stood.

Riley shrugged. “Pretty much. I just have a few small things that I need, but I’ll get those when I’m moved in on campus.

“Are you sure everything will fit in that small dorm room?”

He bit his lip. “I think so.” Then he looked around the room again and frowned. “Maybe I should cut down on a few small things. I’ll be right back.”

I turned to Jason when Riley left the room. His brows were furrowed as his eyes focused on the single painting on the wall behind a tall fake plant by the door.

“Everything alright?”

He blinked and shook his head, before looking at me. “Yeah I just…” he looked back at the painting. “It reminds me of the type of paintings Cam used to do.”

The painting in question was simple; a still lake. There was nothing particularly spectacular or even remotely interesting about it, but his eyes remained transfixed.

“Who’s Cam?”

The silence stretched on between us for a while before he shrugged dismissively. “Just somebody I used to know.”

It was clear it wasn’t something he wanted to talk about, but it was bothering him, and it showed despite his attempt to bury it.

He made to get up and I put a hand on his arm. He looked at me. “You know you can tell me anything right?”

It took him a long time to respond and when he did it was a simple nod. His hesitation worried me. I pulled my hand away and he stood. I watched him approach Timmy, who was so busy being nosy that he failed to register his father’s presence until Jason lifted him up into his arms.

“Wiley say yes.” He whined even as Jason carried him back to the stool and sat him down on his lap.

“And I said no.” he handed Timmy a chocolate chip cookie from the plate Riley had set down for him about an hour before, and Timmy took it with a frown. He turned the cookie this way and that as he carried out his inspection. When all seemed well, he took a bite; then another.

I wracked my brain; trying to remember if there had ever been a time when he’d mentioned a Cam before, but nothing came to mind. I found myself wondering if Cam was male or female; if he or she was a relative or close friend. Maybe even an old flame.

I watched his face for even a hint as to what he was thinking, but sometimes he was very good at hiding his emotions. He was buried in that head of his and I had no way of getting in unless he wanted me in.

“Put down the cookie first.” He said when Timmy reached for the glass of milk with one hand. Timmy stuffed the rest of it in his mouth instead and Jason rolled his eyes.

It took him a while, but once he’d finally managed to swallow it all, he tipped the glass to his head. Jason cupped his hand under Timmy’s chin to catch the milk that would inevitably spill and I reached over for a napkin and handed it to him. He took it without looking at me.

“Are you still taking Timmy to the playdate thing?” he asked me minutes later when Riley came marching down the stairs with an empty box.

I glanced at my watch and stood. “Yeah, we should probably get going or we’ll be late.”

“You’re leaving?” This from Riley, who was sweating as he entered the room.

“Yeah, I almost forgot that Timmy has a playdate in an hour.” I explained.

“Lemme get a bag for you or something.” Riley told Timmy, who had scraped the remaining cookies from the plate just before Jason set him down on the floor. He held them carefully in both hands as he watched Riley head for the cabinets. Moments later he followed.

I turned to Jason “Ready?”

“Yeah. I’m kind of tired though. I was thinking maybe you could drop me off at home first and you and Timmy can just go.”

I looked him over carefully. “Are you sure everything’s okay?”

He nodded. “Yeah. I just got a lot on my mind.”

Timmy reappeared holding a small clear bag filled with cookies, and much to his obvious delight; another bag filled with gummy worms.

“We can always reschedule. I’m sure Hannah won’t mind.”

He shook his head. “No, Timmy should go have fun. I’ll go next time.”

“It was nice meeting you and Timmy.” Riley announced, offering a hand to Jason who shook it without hesitation.

“You too. Good luck with college.” He added.

I grinned. “Yeah, don’t party too much.”

Riley rolled his eyes. “As if.” Then “Bye Timmy.”

The little guy waved and offered up a toothy grin to his new friend as we headed for the door.

………………………………………………..

“They’re not really big on sharing.” I commented to Hannah as we watched the kids playing in the sand box not too far from where we had spread the picnic blanket on the soft grass.

She smiled, showcasing her pearly whites, smudged a bit by her ruby-red lipstick. “That’s how it is with kids who grow up without siblings. It’s harder for them to learn those common courtesies.” she explained. “Which is why it’s important for them to have as much interaction with other kids their age.”

Made sense. I nodded.

“Have you ever thought of having more children?” she enquired.

“No. Timmy practically fell into my life and I haven’t had much time to really even think about any other children to be honest.”

“Yeah I know what you mean. Marcy wasn’t planned either, but I couldn’t imagine my life without her.” She was watching her baby girl as she spoke, and her eyes had gentled, just as Jason’s did whenever he spoke about Timmy.

“She’s lucky to have you.”

Hannah offered me another lipstick-smudged smile. “Timmy’s lucky to have you too.”

I watched as Timmy stood and turned to look at me before he started my way. “I think it’s the other way around actually.”

“Micha look!” he opened his hand and showed me his treasure.

“Yeah. It’s sand.”

I cupped my own hand and he poured what little there was left into my palm. I watched him run clumsily back to the sandbox, where Marcy sat watching his return.

“You allow him to call you by name?”

“Well yeah because he’s not actually my—”

“I like your modern approach to parenting. It’s very refreshing.” Her fingers brushed my biceps. “It makes me feel special when Marcy calls me mommy though. There’s just nothing like it.”

“Thanks but—”

“He’s such a beautiful little boy. He’ll need some female influence in his life at some point of course. There’s nothing like a woman’s touch.”

“Trust me, he has a lot of that. His grandmother dotes on him.”

She smiled. “How sweet. Having a doting grandmother is nice, but I still think there’s nothing like a mother’s touch. A boy his age needs that.”

I watched him scoop the sand into his pail and empty it back into the sandbox when it was full. Beside him, Marcy stuck her doll’s head into his sand pile and giggled.

“He has a dad who loves him more than anything. One who’s taken care of him from the very beginning and sacrificed a lot to keep him happy. I don’t think a woman’s touch will make much of a difference.”

“I disagree—”

“Then I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree.”

She fell silent then and I wondered briefly if I had offended her. The thought however, disappeared when she gave me a dazzling smile and offered me one of the sandwiches she had prepared. When I took it, she immediately began to explain to me the importance of giving children the proper nutrients in every meal and her chattering didn’t end until the kids grew bored with playing and came sauntering over.

Timmy dropped his pail and shovel at my feet and crawled into my lap. I handed him his apple juice and he took it without argument. “Micha?” he enquired when he emptied the carton. “Mawcy no let Timmy haf baby.” He pointed to the Barbie doll Marcy held.

“It’s mine!” she retorted, pulling her doll out of arm’s reach and glaring at Timmy like he was the plague.

“Sweetheart don’t be rude.” Hannah chastised, but her daughter remained adamant.

“How about we go to the toy store and get you something later?” I added quickly when I sensed that a meltdown was about to follow, and while he continued to stare at Marcy’s doll, he nodded.

“You know, sometimes it’s best to let them throw their tantrums. Bribing them with things will only get you so far.” Hannah thought it necessary to add.

“Jason’s better at dealing with this kinda thing. I can’t bear to see him upset. He’s been through so much already.”

“Yes, but even so…” she trailed off. I was really beginning to dislike her little lectures.

I reached for a napkin to wipe Timmy’s sticky fingers, then watched as Hannah handed a tub of yogurt to Marcy. Timmy looked at it, then craned his neck to look up at me. “Micha haf some?” he asked and I wondered if he and his new friend were in some kind of competition with each other.

Hannah opened another and offered it to him, but he pulled away, refusing to accept it. “It’s the same thing Marcy has. Don’t you want it anymore?”

He shook his head. “No.”

“It’s alright. I’ll eat it.” I told Hannah and she handed it to me with a spoon and a smile.

The moment I took it, Timmy reached for the spoon and began to help himself. I shook my head.

This kid .

As I dabbed his shirt to get rid of the clump of yogurt he dropped there, Hannah placed an arm gently on mine and squeezed. I looked at her. “I was thinking we should take them to watch a movie. If we leave in the next ten minutes, we can catch the 5:15 that’s playing.

When I looked back at Timmy he shook his head and I laughed. Sometimes I wondered if he was far more perceptive than he let on. “Maybe another time. It’s been a long day and I’m sure he’s tired.”

“Of course, I completely understand.” She patted the back of my hand. Ever pleasant. Ever sweet. She seemed like a person who would smile through a storm; even if it was tearing off her roof.

All in all it had been a pleasant day. Just the right weather and the park hadn’t been very crowded. If Jason had come along I was sure he would have had the chance to relax. Timmy also seemed to have enjoyed himself. Though the way he competed with Marcy, you wouldn’t have guessed it. They obviously couldn’t stand each other, but Marcy tolerated Timmy as long as he didn’t go anywhere near her toys and Timmy ignored her until she started playing with something that fascinated him.

They were truly an interesting pair; completely alike; except that Marcy spoke in full and clear sentences. It bothered me, but I tried to let it go. Timmy would learn at his own pace; like the doctor said. It didn’t stop me from worrying though and I thanked our lucky stars that my friend had been able to pull some strings to get him into a preschool so late in the year. He was bound to learn something there.

I was equally grateful that Jason had agreed to it. Come Monday morning Timmy would be attending school for the first time. I smiled as I pictured him with his little backpack and lunch pail.

I had no doubt in my mind that he’d throw a fit when he realized that we’d be leaving him there for the day.

“You’re awfully happy with yourself.” I looked up from my task when Hannah spoke. “Penny for your thoughts.”

I chuckled. “I was just thinking about tomorrow.” I told her. “Timmy starts school for the first time and I think he’s going to react badly to me leaving him there.”

“Ah.” He giggled. “They all do, but he’ll get used to it and eventually it’ll get to the point where he doesn’t want to leave after school.”

I smiled and placed her blanket and picnic basket into the trunk of her car. Timmy and I watched as she strapped Marcy in. The little devil stuck out her tongue at Timmy just before her mom closed the door and Timmy frowned and raised his arms so I could lift him up.

Next stop; the toy store like I’d promised. Then we could go home and see how Jason was doing. I’d called earlier and hadn’t gotten a response, so I could only assume that he had been taking a nap.

We watched as they drove away, then I propped the devil on my shoulder and made my way over to my own ride. “What do you want for dinner later?”

“Food.”

I chuckled. “What kind of food?”

“Miwk and gwapes and gummies.”

“All that huh?”

“Yes.”

I strapped him into his seat and handed him his pail, which was filled with the sand he had stolen from the park. I also made sure to tell him in no uncertain terms that if he spilled even one drop then he could kiss the toy store goodbye. He agreed, and we had no incidents. At least not until after we left the toy store—but that was another story.

He led me down the aisles with a confidence that showed just how often he’d been there. We passed the board games section, paused for a minute to look at the colorful face masks in aisle three and finally came to a stop at the stuffed animals.

I watched him sort through their new collection, but having found nothing of interest, we continued on to the dolls aisle. He took his time in this aisle. He was only interested in the barbies, so he paid very close attention to each one. I learned that he wasn’t into blonds; those were the quickest to be discarded. The red-haired ones intrigued him for a time, but those too just weren’t enough. Finally we came to a stop at the African American barbies and he picked the one he liked best without hesitation; a leggy, ebony-skinned doll with curly black hair.

“Dis one Micha.” He informed me with certainty, and I pointed to the accessories that people tended to purchase with dolls; like jewelry and shoes, but he wasn’t interested. Instead he picked up a comb and brush set and some blue hair ties.

“What about those?” I pointed to a dress set on the opposite shelf and he shook his head.

“No cose.”

Of course not.

“You’re not getting that for him are you?” We both glanced up to see a woman looking around sixty years or older standing a few feet away. In one hand she held a pink stuffed bear and in the other, a wooden walking stick. The expression on her face was one of disapproval.

“Excuse me?”

“The doll. You can’t really be thinking of buying it for him.”

“I am actually. Is there a problem?”

She laughed. “Well of course there is dear. Little boys don’t play with dolls. Get him a fire truck or something. He’ll love it.”

“It’s what he wants.”

She looked at me in horror; planting the stuffed bear over her heart. “You’re going to mess with the poor boy’s head. Make him think things boys shouldn’t be thinking. Just you watch.”

“I think I’ll risk it.” I said. “Anything else kid?” I asked him, and with another disapproving glance, the woman turned away from us and continued down the aisle; muttering as she went.

“No. Aw done.”

He carried it proudly to the cashier and I had to pry it from his hands to allow the woman to scan the bar code on the box. When she finally put it in a bag and handed it to him, he pulled it out, stood on his tip toes and handed the empty bag right back to her. I shook my head, but of course she smiled in amusement because he had charmed her.

When he was finally strapped into his car seat and we were on our way, I allowed myself to think on the events of the day. I came to the realization that despite how much we’d gotten to know each other in the short time we’d spent together, Hannah had no idea that I wasn’t Timmy’s father.

In fact, she didn’t even know Jason existed and I needed to set her straight. I felt the apprehension at the thought of how that particular conversation would go. I had been out of the closet for years and I was proud of that, but if Hannah was less than pleased with the news, then Timmy could lose his first real friend. I didn’t want that.

I glanced at him in the rear view mirror and smiled. He was staring at his new toy like a boy obsessed. I was surprised he hadn’t asked me to take her out of the box yet. Usually that was his first order of business. I took note of the fact that Bunny was propped securely in his lap so he could also get a full view of Timmy’s new toy, and I wondered if this sense of loyalty was something that had attached itself to his personality. It was a god trait to have.

“Are you ready to go see daddy?” I asked him and his cheeks dimpled. “Yes.”

“Are you excited to show him your new toy?”

Another smile. “Yes.” Then his brow furrowed. “Micha?”

“Yeah buddy?”

“Mawcy say Timmy no haf mommy.”

I took my eyes of the road again for a second to take in his expression in the rear view. “That’s okay. Not everyone has a mommy.” I explained. “Some people have just a daddy. Some people even have two daddies.”

“An gwammy and poppy?”

“Yeah of course. Some people have grandma’s and grandpa’s too. Everyone’s family is different.”

“An Micha an Bunny?”

“Yup every family has to have a Micha and a Bunny.”

“An daddy?”

“Yup and a daddy.”

He nodded as though satisfied with my answer and returned to ignoring me in favor of his new toy for the rest of the ride home. One day Jason and I would have to sit and have a conversation about Timmy’s mother. We had barely broached the subject in the months we’d lived together, but it was time we got everything out in the open. Including what had been on his mind that morning.

……………………………………………..

Timmy ran into his father’s arms the moment he entered the house. “Daddy look!” he held up the doll for Jason to inspect.

“You got him a Barbie?” he asked; eyes meeting mine. I shrugged.

“Open.” Timmy demanded and Jason set him down and did as asked.

I deposited Timmy’s bag onto the chair by the door, along with Bunny and his sand toys. Then I pulled off my shoes and set them down beside Jason’s.

Timmy’s hand went automatically to the doll’s hair the second Jason handed it to him and I watched him; he was fascinated with it.

“Baby pwetty daddy?” he held up the doll for Jason to see again and he laughed.

“She’s a grown woman Timmy. There aint nothing about her that looks like a baby.” He chuckled, but Timmy could not be swayed. He retrieved the comb from Jason and began to pull it through the doll’s stubborn curls. He frowned when it didn’t glide through easily, and decided to run it through his own hair; which gave him no trouble at all. His frown deepened, and he looked up at his father.

“Daddy why no comb?”

“You gotta take your time that’s all. Some hair is different from some.”

I was surprised when instead of giving up in frustration as he tended to do, he tried again; this time slowly dragging the comb through the doll’s thick curls. When he met with no issue; he grinned up at Jason; who patted him on the head.

Dinner that night was a noisy affair. Noisy only because of Timmy, who decided to tell us all about his day. A lot of what he said didn’t make a lick of sense, but we listened anyway, and it encouraged him to go on. He told us about the sand and how hot it got because of the sun. He spoke on and on about Marcy and what she said and what she had done.

He didn’t mention Hannah and I got the distinct impression that it was because he wasn’t particularly fond of her. He told us something about his shoes that I didn’t really understand, and mentioned ‘baby’ more times than I thought he really needed to. Especially since he’d already made the point of stripping her naked and setting her down in the center of the table where he could watch her while he ate his mac and cheese.

When bath time came around, I was relegated to the task, and as was usually the case; I found myself soaked from head to toe with soap and water by the time it was over; this time ‘baby’ had joined us and he chose to impress her with bigger splashes than those that were usually allowed.

Bedtime routine was for daddy and daddy alone, and it was the one time of night that I gave them their space to enjoy each other’s company before Timmy fell asleep. This night was no different. Timmy lay curled up next to Jason in our bed, because his room still needed to air out after our paint job the day before.

I had gone into our bathroom with the plan to grab a quick shower, and instead, found myself standing by the half open door, watching them quietly as they had their moment. They sang their ABC’s, which was a nightly ritual between them, and I had expected Jason to grab one of Timmy’s story books and read him to sleep, but he didn’t.

I watched as he pulled his son close to him and for a moment, he just closed his eyes and there was silence. Even Timmy, who was usually prone to late night chatter, seemed to understand the need for silence, and lay there with his dad, watching the patterns on the lamp. It was a beautiful moment between father and son. One that I longed to be a part of but knew I couldn’t disturb. So I watched them and felt a wave of tenderness settle in my chest.

When Jason finally opened his eyes, he chose to break the silence with a bedtime story; one he had clearly made up. I listened to the tale and immediately realized that it was a true story; based on his own trials that he had turned into a tale that would suit his young child. It began when Timmy was born and he was dubbed ‘baby bear’.

He told him about Timmy’s mother; ‘momma bear’ and the cave they lived in together as a family. He spoke about the cave they lived in and how small and cozy it had been. He told him about the big beds the cave had and the tall trees that grow just outside the cave’s opening and as he spoke, I found myself more and more enthralled by the tale.

“…but momma bear got really sick and had to go to sleep, so baby bear and daddy bear had to go live all by themselves. Daddy bear loved baby bear more than anything in the whole wide world and he protected him from all the bad animals in the jungle. Life in the jungle was hard because all the other animals didn’t like daddy bear. They wanted all the food and all the caves for themselves and daddy bear had to fight real hard to take care of baby bear. “

Timmy frowned at this. I smiled.

“ One day daddy bear was out hunting for food and he saw the most handsome lion in the whole of the jungle. He was big and strong, and he had really sharp claws. Roar !“ he imitated. Timmy giggled.

“ All the bad animals were scared of him though, because everyone knew that lions were the kings of the jungle. Daddy bear was scared of him too because he knew that lions and bears could never be friends, but he wanted to talk to the lion real bad because he thought this lion was extra special.

“One day when daddy bear was out hunting for food, he got himself into a whole lot of trouble. He tried to steal food from the lion and the lion caught him. Daddy bear was so scared because he thought the lion would be really angry and eat him up. But the lion was a good lion and he wanted to help. So he took daddy bear and baby bear to his big cave and let them sleep there and have all the food they wanted.

“You see, the lion lived alone all his life and he had gotten lonely, but having daddy bear and baby bear living with him in his cave made him feel better. They played together and hunted together and none of the other animals bothered daddy bear ever again because the lion protected them .”

Timmy rubbed his eyes and yawned.

“And just like daddy bear loved baby bear. I love you too.” he told his son.

“An Micha?”

Jason hesitated, but a slow smile soon crossed his face. “Yeah Michael loves you too.”

Another yawn. “An Poppy?”

Jason’s brows furrowed. “Yeah. He’s kinda obsessed with you though I think.”

“An gwammy?”

Jason laughed. “Yeah her too.”

“An Bunny?”

“Everybody loves you Timmy. You’re the most special boy in the whole world and don’t you forget it.”

Timmy’s eyes drifted shut. Jason ran his fingers gently over his son’s cheek and planted a kiss on his forehead.

…………………………..

When I exited the bathroom minutes later, Jason placed a finger over his lips and gestured to the sleeping Timmy. I nodded and ran the towel through my damp hair, before discarding it on a nearby chair. I could feel his eyes on me as I crossed the room, pulled out a pair of shorts from the chest of drawers and pulled them on. He climbed out of bed, careful not to wake Timmy and made his way to the glass doors that led out onto the small balcony. I watched as he slid the door open and gestured for me to follow.

The night air was cool and welcoming against my naked chest. I pulled the door closed behind me and sat on the chair next to his.

“When do you think I can get my money back from your father?” he asked as soon as I sat.

It wasn’t a question I’d been expecting. “It all depends. Could be after they complete their investigation or even after trial starts. Either way, you’ll get it back.”

He frowned, but otherwise said nothing as he looked out over the yard below.

“If you’re strapped for cash I could give you—”

“No. I was just thinking that I wanna help with Timmy’s school fees. I don’t like that everything’s on you.”

I shook my head. “Jace you need to stop worrying about money. It’s not an issue.”

He looked at me then, and his frown deepened. “It’s expensive. I saw the letter they sent you. Cops don’t make a lot a money; at least not the amount a money it would take to pay for a school like that and pay all the bills too.”

“You forget. I’m not a cop.”

He rolled his eyes. “Don’t matter. I aint a fool. You went and got him enrolled in one of the most expensive schools in the area and it wasn’t even necessary. He don’t need to go to that one. There’s plenty of others that’s way more affordable.”

“It’s affordable for me and Timmy deserves the best.”

He shook his head. “It aint right.”

“One day we’re going to have to stop having these discussions you know. It can’t be a problem every time I spend money on either of you.”

He said nothing. Instead choosing to stare resolutely forward into the night; lips pursed

I sighed. “I don’t depend on my salary to survive.” I confessed. “My family wasn’t always in the serve and protect business. I come from a long line of successful business men and women.”

His brows furrowed. “What does that even mean?”

“It means that money’s not something I’ve ever had to worry about.”

His eyes narrowed. “You mean you’re loaded.” It wasn’t a question.

I shrugged. “I’m a simple guy Jason. There’s not much I want in life so I don’t really have much to spend on. So now that I have you and Timmy I want to take care of you too and if that means spending some money to give you guys the best, then why should that matter?”

It was a while before he answered, but when he did his words were soft and barely audible. “I just wanna play my part.”

“And you are. You’re paying bills and taking care of your son; just like you always have. It’s just that now you have a little help and that’s not a bad thing.”

“One bill.”

“Huh?”

“I only pay one bill.”

“And that’s more than enough.” I reached out to squeeze his shoulder. “Relax daddy bear. The lion has no problem taking care of you.” I joked, and though he cracked a smile, his face turned red.

“You were listening.” He accused, and I laughed.

“It was beautiful story. Timmy’s lucky to have you.”

“Yeah?”

I nodded. “Yeah.” And Jason smiled.

A moment of silence passed between us before I spoke again. “Can you do me a favor?”

He glanced at me. “What?”

“Earlier today you said you had a lot on your mind.” I began. “You mentioned someone named Cam. Can you tell me about who that is?”

He sighed. “Cam’s the closest person I ever had to a brother.” He said. “He lived on the streets just like me but he wasn’t like me. He was a good person and I mean really really good, but he let the world walk all over him.” His eyes got a faraway look in them as he spoke.

“All he wanted was for people to like him. You did one nice thing for him and he thought you were a god. He had a fucked up life with a fucked up family who didn’t want nothin’ to do with him. I met him way before Timmy was born and I protected him from all the assholes who tried to mess with him. But mostly I protected him from himself.”

I frowned. “How so?”

He shook his head. “When a person’s that good and decent, everybody tries to take advantage of them. He couldn’t tell when it was happening. You could just smile at him and he thought it meant you were best friends.” Jason shook his head. “The world fucked him up and he didn’t deserve it.”

“Where is he now?”

Jason shook his head. “I don’t know. He left with his friend Monte before Timmy was born and I aint never seen him since.” He took a deep breath. “He didn’t ever think he was good for nothin’ but I always knew better. He was the best person I ever met. Haven’t thought about him in a long time, but this morning I woke up with him in my head and I just can’t seem to get him out.”

“I can help you find him.” I offered, but he shook his head.

“If that kid aint dead yet I’d be surprised. And if he is I don’t think that’s something I want to find out. I couldn’t handle it.” his bottom lip trembled and he bit down on it…hard. “He’d be better off dead anyway. At least it means aint nobody messin’ with him no more.”

He stood then; signaling the end of the conversation. After a brief pause, I followed him back inside the room where Timmy lay curled in sleep. Jason pulled the sheets aside and got in beside him. For a moment I only watched them, then without a word, I turned out the lights.

                                                                               AUTHOR’S NOTES

THANKS FOR READING .

SORRY GUYS, I HAD A BAD CASE OF WRITER’S BLOCK FOR A BIT. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE!

AND YES IT’S THE SAME CAM FROM MY BOOK DOMINANCE AND SUBMISSION .

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Chapter 25: All bets are off

Chapter 25

Michael

“He’s gonna cry.”

“I know.”

“You’re gonna have to let it happen. You can’t give in like you always do.”

“I know.”

“You gotta make sure Michael ’cause I won’t be there to help you.”

I grinned at him. “You worry too much Jace. I can handle it.”

Jason shook his head. “You always let Timmy take advantage of you and he’s gonna do it again today.”

I glanced at Timmy, who, up until he’d heard his name, had been fully focused on his bowl of cereal. Now he looked up at me and Jason; intrigued.

“Every kid cries on their first day of school. I can handle him crying today because I know that the more he goes, the more it’ll become normal for him.”

Jason looked skeptical. “You don’t think straight when it comes to him.”

I frowned. “That’s not true.” But Jason rolled his eyes.

“Maybe I should just come with you. I can be late for work just this one time.” he said as he stood and stretched across the table to pick up my plate.

“It will be fine Jace. I’ll go, I’ll leave him with the teacher, he’ll cry, I’ll give him a hug and leave. Simple.”

He watched me with raised brows; the skepticism rolling off him in waves. I shook my head and turned to Timmy. “Are you finished now?”

He looked down at his bowl and frowned. “No Micha. See?” he tipped the bowl in my direction so I could see that he had more milk and as expected, he tipped it too far and it spilled all over the newly washed table cloth.

I sighed and Jason grumbled under his breath as he went around the counter to deposit our plates in the sink and grab a dry dish rag. I was seriously considering just doing away with table cloths completely until Timmy at least turned ten. My mother would be scandalized.

I stood. “Okay little man, go put your shoes on.” I told him and when he slid down from the chair and ran into the family room, I stood and helped Jason clear the table.

When he looked toward to family room he frowned. “He don’t like being left alone and now we’re gonna leave him with a bunch of people he aint never even seen before.”

I nodded. “We all had to go through it. It’ll be fine.”

“What if the other kids are mean to him?” he asked worriedly. I smiled.

“He’ll be fine Jace. Timmy’s a tough kid.”

He shook his head. “Not really. He aint used to all of this. It might be too much for him. I feel… I feel nervous.”

“Mom said she felt the same way when she dropped me off at school my first day and she felt the same way with my sister. It’s completely normal. I’ll send you a picture of him when I drop him off.”

He thought about it for a moment. “Okay.”

“Micha I no no Timmy shoes!” the kid called out from the other room. Jason gestured for me to leave the clearing up to him and I went to help the boy in question.

………………………………

The morning ride was unusually quiet. Even Timmy, who was usually talking a mile of gibberish per minute or singing along to the songs on his favorite kid’s radio station was sitting quietly in his car seat.

When I dropped Jason off at work Timmy waved goodbye with his usual gusto, but was otherwise quiet. It was as if he knew something was coming; even if he wasn’t completely sure what it was.

“Remember to send me the picture.” Jason told me before he hopped out of the car.

“I will. I’ll see you later.”

“You’re going to be a good boy at school today right?” I asked him and glanced briefly in the rear-view so I could see him frown. “You’re gonna meet a lot of kids your age and you’ll have a lot of toys and friends to play with. Doesn’t that sound fun?” he continued frowning at me– eyes narrowed in suspicion.

When I glanced at the rear-view again, it was to see him wrap his arms around his head and pout. It was the same stance he used whenever he learned we’d be going to get his hair cut and I realized that he’d misinterpreted my school reassurances for the reassurances I usually gave whenever we were to the hair salon.

I sighed. There would definitely be tears today.

Timmy craned his neck to watch the kids passing by the window when we pulled up at his new school. He was intrigued; good.

“Ignore the tears, give him a hug, tell him you’ll be back and leave.” I whispered the words under my breath. Simple. It was ridiculous that Jason thought I couldn’t do it.

I unbuckled him, picked up his bags and then lifted him in my arms. His eyes darted everywhere as we made our way across the grounds. It was probably the most kids he had seen in one place in his life. I felt a strange sensation in my chest and after a moment I realized I was nervous.

Why was I nervous? There was no reason for it. This was school, Timmy would be fine. He’d meet new friends, play with more toys than he’d ever laid eyes on and everything would be great. Jason had even hidden two pieces of candy in his lunch bag. I almost wished I could see the look on his face when he spotted them later on. I smiled at the thought, and the woman who was walking down the hall caught my eyes and smiled back.

The classroom, when we got there, was filled with little people, running about and making as much noise as you’d expect a bunch of two year old monsters to make. The chairs were tiny and colourful and there were charts and colourful artwork on the equally colourful walls. I noted that there were no chalk boards and I figured there really was no point in one when the kids would mainly be doing arts and crafts, finger painting and all the other random stuff kids Timmy’s age did.

Timmy was by far the smallest kid there—wait no. There was one boy close to his size who was sitting quietly on a bench in the centre of the room and sucking his thumb. Maybe they could be friends. I pictured the play dates coming in the future and set Timmy down only to pick him back up just as quickly when a screaming, hyperactive little monster almost ran right into him. I turned to watch her as she ran in between desks and chairs with her frilly pink dress and pigtails.

“Stay away from that one Timmy.” I whispered conspiratorially and Timmy nodded.

The next time I set him down and out of harm’s way, a woman approached; the teacher. I remembered her from our meeting only weeks before.

“Aww is this little Timmy? She grinned as she approached, and when I nodded, she crouched to his level and held out one of her hands. Timmy moved away from her to hide behind my leg.

She stood and held out a hand which I shook. “It’s good to see you again Mr. O’Connolly. I’ll take his bags.” I handed them off to her, suddenly dreading the thought of leaving him. It would be the first full day I’d be spending without him since he and Jace had come to live with me.

“Don’t worry, he’ll be fine.” she said as though sensing my reluctance. “I’ll send you pictures of him throughout the day. We’ll do arts and crafts, have a little story time, he’ll go outside for a while and play with all his new friends. You have absolutely nothing to worry about.”

“Yeah of course. This is all just completely new to me.” I crouched and pulled Timmy in for a hug. “You be good alright. I’ll be back for you later.”

Timmy frowned. “Ms. Rhonda is going to take good care of you until I get back.” He nodded, which surprised me, but when I stood, thanked the teacher and turned to walk away, he trailed along behind me and I realized he hadn’t understood a word I’d said.

“No Timmy, you have to stay here. I’ll be back later okay?” I gave him a gentle nudge back toward his teacher, but when I turned again to leave, he followed.

I looked helplessly at the watching teacher and with a knowing smile, she came to the rescue, offering Timmy a toy she’d snagged from the toy box, but Timmy was not easily bribed. He shook his head.

She tried another tactic. “Look at that.” she pointed across the room. “All of those toys are there for you to play with.” she told him in that sing song voice adults reserved for children. When Timmy looked, she waved me away and I backed away quickly and quietly from the room, closing the door behind me.

It felt like a betrayal somehow; sneaking away without him knowing. I shook my head and made my way down the hall. I hadn’t gone more than three steps before I heard his high-pitched wail.

“Just leave. Just leave.” I muttered to myself as I walked but I could hear him crying as clear as day and the moment he screamed my name I couldn’t help it. I turned right back and pulled open the classroom door to see Timmy struggling to get out of his teacher’s arms. She was trying and failing to calm him down and when Timmy looked up and saw me, he fought harder.

“Micha!” he cried and the teacher looked up at me with something akin to pity, before releasing him. He ran into my arms and I stood with him.

“We’ll try again tomorrow.” I assured her.

“Okay, but it will be that much harder tomorrow.” she said. “This is completely normal. Just give him time to adapt.”

Timmy’s arms tightened around my neck.

“I know but…tomorrow we’ll be ready.”

She shook her head, but smiled and handed me his bags.

“Micha no leave Timmy.” he mumbled against my neck as we made our way down the hall.

Jason was going to kill me.

………………………….

The moment we entered the bureau, he demanded that I set him down. He pulled his lunch bag and bunny from my hands and ran towards the chief’s office. When Simon caught my eye from his spot by the copier, he shook his head in obvious disappointment.

Beside him, Eddie laughed and I watched as Simon grudgingly handed him a crumpled hundred dollar bill. When I sat at my desk, it was as if the last few months had never even happened. My chair still squeaked when I leaned forward and the surface of my desk was still scratched and ugly. Eddie’s desk in front of mine was still cluttered with files, papers and the usual random junk and Simon’s desk across from his was in its usual pristine condition.

The Notice board to the far front of the room was just as empty as the first day I’d started and save for John and Nate’s absence and the crayon marks on the walls, nothing had changed.

I closed my eyes and drew in a deep and satisfied breath. This felt like home. When I opened them again, Simon and Eddie had pulled their seats closer to mine. Eddie ginned and offered a hand which I shook, while Simon watched me with narrowed eyes.

“I just don’t get it.” Simon began. “How do interrogate drug Lords and take bullets with ease, yet allow a two year old to wear you down?”

I shook my head. “In my defence, he’s almost three.” Simon was not amused. “I just figured I’d give him one last day of freedom.”

Eddie chuckled. “Bullshit. The kid’s got you wrapped around his little finger.”

“You just cost me my lunch for a week, just so you know.” Simon grumbled, before swivelling back behind his own desk.

I shook my head. “Alright give me an update on the case.”

“Jason’s case?” Eddie asked, but continued before I could give an answer “The shop keeper came in to give his statement. He says he was held up by only one guy, but his face was covered with a mask and he couldn’t identify him if he was standing right in front of him.”

I frowned “One guy?”

Eddie nodded. “I know. It’s a direct contradiction of the girl’s confession. When we arrested her she told us they all robbed the place and that they got the gun from behind the cash register. The store keeper said he never had a gun.”

“What about the security footage?”

He shook his head. “The camera’s just there for show. Hasn’t worked in years. They’re all sticking to their new story. We’ve got nothing.” he glanced at Simon, who shrugged. “Well nothing unless Jason testifies.”

“The guy pointed a gun at me. I witnessed them holding a gun on Jace. He won’t have to testify.”

Eddie frowned. “Yeah well now they’re all claiming they found the gun in a dumpster, they thought it was a fake and they were drunk.”

“No way that story holds up. We found that stolen liquor on them.”

“Which they claim to have found too. We all know its bullshit, the world will think its bullshit, but the shop keeper’s place was ransacked, he couldn’t even tell what was stolen. And before you ask; no, he doesn’t keep a proper inventory, he barely even keeps receipts. They claim they weren’t holding the gun at Jace, they said they were all playing around. So unless he testifies…”

I thought about it for a moment but what we all wanted wouldn’t matter. I knew Jace well enough by now to know that he wouldn’t be approaching that stand no matter what I said to him. “How could they suddenly all have the same story? Were they left alone with each other at any point after the arrest?”

Eddie hesitated. “We passed them off to another agent after the arrest. Could be that it wasn’t handled properly.” Eddie said carefully.

My eyes narrowed. “Which agent?”

More hesitation. “Ramirez.”

I cursed under my breath and Eddie held up a hand as if to defend himself. “I know. I know.”

“I want to talk to them.”

He was already shaking his head. “Chief wants you shuffling paper for a while.”

When I raised a brow in question Eddie and Simon groaned. “Since when have we ever played by the rules?”

Simon propped his head in his hands and directed his attention to Eddie. “And to think we went all these months without worrying about losing our jobs.” then he looked at me. “You’re back all of five minutes and I’m already trying to figure out if I have enough money saved up to survive after chief cuts me loose.” I watched as he stood with a sigh. “Follow me.”

………………………………………

Her name was Sharon McKenzie.

She was twenty-two years old according to her file. She’d run away from home when she was thirteen. Her mother was a junkie and her father had died from an overdose when she was three. She wasn’t from here originally. She tended to hop from state to state; claiming she liked to travel— if one could call stealing rides on city buses travelling. It was an interesting tactic; tell the truth about everything else hoping to throw us off when the lie came. I smiled as I watched her.

She tried to put on a brave front; folding her arms before her now that I’d removed the cuffs. She sat completely still, eyes trained on me and body language telling the world to back off. To the untrained eye, she looked the epitome of calm with a pinch of annoyance, but there were subtle hints that made it clear she was anything but. There was the fact that she couldn’t seem to meet my eyes, instead they settled somewhere just below my chin. Her arms were folded a little too tight in front of her and she was biting her lip so hard I had to wonder why it hadn’t started bleeding yet.

“Why’d you change your story?”

“I didn’t.”

“You confessed to everything when we arrested you.”

“I lied. I thought if we were cooperative then maybe you’d let us go.”

It was bullshit, but I didn’t call her out on it

“What’s it like living on the streets?” For a moment she seemed surprised, as though she’d come prepared to answer another question and this one had thrown her off.

She hesitated for a moment, her expression uncertain, then she schooled her features and shrugged. “It’s great.”

“Is it?”

“Yup.” she still couldn’t quite look me in the eyes.

“How so?”

Another shrug. “I do what I want, when I want. Life’s a party.” she said drily, the sarcasm clear in her tone.

“How do you survive out there?”

“By being smart.”

“Does being smart involve conning people out of their hard earned cash? Stealing maybe?”

She rolled her eyes. “I don’t have to steal to get by. I’ve got people who take care of me.”

“Really now? Because it looks to me like you’re all alone.”

She chuckled; a cold, un-amused sound. “In case you haven’t noticed by now, I’ve got plenty of friends.”

I grinned. “Oh you mean the rest of those guys we brought in? Are you sure they’re your friends?”

Her eyes narrowed, but she remained silent.

“If they’re really your friends why would they give you up?”

Finally her eyes flashed to mine briefly, before they skittered away again. “They didn’t give me up because we didn’t do nothin’. We found the gun in a dumpster and we found the liquor there too. How were we supposed to know it was used in some crime?”

“You go dumpster searching with your friends often?”

She shook her head. “It’s a free country.”

“Yeah? Well where you’re going you’ll never be able to use that phrase again. Do you have any idea how much trouble you’re in?”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“If you’re innocent then why are you in here and your friends are back out on the streets?”

She gaped at me and I nodded.

“We released them an hour ago after they finally broke down and confessed that you were the one who went into the store with that gun. They told us how you dressed up in a grey jumpsuit and put a mask over your face and went in and robbed some poor old shop keeper.” I made use of the store keeper’s description of the assailant.

“I didn’t”

“They said it was some store over on Lake View. It’s only a matter of time before we find that store keeper Sharon and when we do, we’ll be checking out that security tape and then we’ll know for sure.”

She shook her head. “Well you can watched whatever tape you wanna watch, you’ll see that it wasn’t me.”

I smiled. “No, something tells me the only thing we’ll be seeing is a person in a grey jumpsuit and a face mask, just like your friends described, and then we’ll definitely know it’s you.”

I stood then and she watched me with wide eyes. When I turned and headed for the door I could feel them boring a hole in my back, then just as I was about to turn the knob she shouted;

“Wait!”

I smiled as I paused, then schooled my features before I turned around again.

“It wasn’t me!” she wailed.

“Why would your friends all lie? They all said–”

“Because they’re trying to save their own asses. I never went into that store. We stayed outside. It was Ronny. He had the gun and he did it. They’re lying!” the tears were streaming down her face as she said it.

“So you’re saying you didn’t find the gun in some dumpster?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know where Ronny got it. I swear! But he had it, we had to do what he said and he wanted to hit that store, so what did you expect us to do? He’s the one who went in there, not us. I didn’t do anything they’re all lying.” she sobbed.

I looked toward the mirror and grinned. A moment later Simon came in to replace her cuffs and take her away.

One down, seven to go.

“Bring in the next one.”

His name was Martin Taylor; the son of a single mother who’d had five other mouths to feed and couldn’t handle another. He’d been given up at just a year old and had lived his life in the foster system. He’d never been arrested, certainly wasn’t a troubled child according to the four foster parents he’d lived with over the years. In his last home, one day he’d been sleeping quietly in his bed, one day he wasn’t. His foster mother had been distraught. 

Unbeknownst to Martin, she’d been planning to adopt him. At the time, she hadn’t been able to believe that he’d run off. She had the police and anyone who would listen convinced that someone had taken her boy. They’d searched for weeks. He’d been placed on the missing children database. If she’d had her way, his face would have even been plastered on milk cartons across the state, but eventually the search ended and she’d never learned what had happened to him. Until now.

She’d been over the moon when she’d learned that after twelve years he’d been found and heartbroken when she’d been told that he’d run away all those years ago. When she had been informed that he’d been arrested, she’d asked to see him. She thought she could convince him to talk. She wanted to know why he’d run; why he’d left her home behind when all she had done was love him.

Unfortunately for her, when she’d come into the bureau he hadn’t wanted to speak with her. He’d been taken into the room anyway and had sat in silence while she asked him over and over again why he’d left. She’d told him she’d loved him and wanted him to help him, but Martin had sat in silence the entire time. In fact, the only time he’d looked at her from the time she’d entered the room was for a brief moment when she’d confessed to him that she’d been in the process of adopting him when he’d run away. The woman left without ever hearing his voice and shortly after she did, he’d sat there and cried until they’d taken him back to his cell.

I closed the file and watched him. He kept his head down, hands clasped in his laps despite the fact that he was finally free of the cuffs. He also kept his eyes averted. He was at his breaking point. He could keep cool in a room with his former foster mother, but under my watchful gaze he was crumbling. This one would be as easy as the last. More so actually, because I knew his weakness.

There was one person he’d been asking about since we’d dragged him into the bureau on that fateful night—Sharon.

“I thought you might like to know what happened to your friend Sharon.”

His head shot up at the sound of her name but he said nothing.

“The others confessed.” I told him. “They said she robbed the store keeper. They said it was her gun and she’s the one responsible for the whole thing.”

His eyes were wide as he watched me. He looked like he was about to be sick.

“She’s going away for a long time Martin.”

He shook his head. “It was Ronny.”

I chuckled. “Don’t try to lie to me now. First you tell us you found the gun and the liquor in some dumpster, then your friends all tell us that it was Sharon and now it’s Ronny?”

He nodded vigorously. “We didn’t find the stupid gun. It was Ronny’s. He stole it off some guy who he beat down a couple weeks ago. He’s the one who went in there and robbed that guy.”

“Oh yeah? What was he wearing?”

He closed his eyes and took a calming breath. “A mask…and a grey jump suit. He made us wait outside. Sharon didn’t do anything I swear!”

I nodded. “And what about Jason? How was he involved?”

He shook his head. “He wasn’t. We saw him coming out of that house he used to live at and Ronny made him come with us. He had a gun on him, Jason didn’t have a choice. None of us did. Sharon didn’t do anything.” he swallowed hard, “Ronny probably cooked up some story to make the others say it was her, but it wasn’t.”

I glanced at the mirror and waved them in. Martin begged me to believe him as Eddie put on his cuffs and carted him away.

…………………………………..

Dave Fairfield was intelligent. Why he was on the streets was anyone’s guess. He’d come from a good family. According to the file, his father was a successful businessman and his mother a college professor. He’d been an overachiever; straight A’s all through school, a bright future ahead of him and a younger sister who was steadily following in his footsteps.

According to his parents, he was all set to go to the college of his dreams last fall. He’d walked out the door with bags in hand and a brand new car; a gift from father to son to commemorate his first day of college. When they’d visited the school one weekend to see their prodigy, they’d learned that he’d never registered. The last time they’d seen him was the day he’d set out for college but he made sure to call in at least once a month to let them know he was alive.

Interesting. He was certainly new to this whole thing. I wondered if he’d been able to last for the rest of the year if we hadn’t caught him. Would he have run back home to his parents when he learned he couldn’t hack it out in the world or was he cunning enough to make do? Something told me it was the latter.

He watched me with his head titled slightly to the side. I saw no fear in his eyes. He wasn’t nervous nor was he frustrated that he’d been left in the room to stew for over an hour. He seemed intrigued.

“I remember you.” he initiated the conversation.

“Is that so?”

He smiled. “Yes. You’re the one who saved Jason. The boyfriend I’m guessing.”

“You’re the only one who hasn’t said a thing about what happened that night. Didn’t they clue you in on the story?”

Again, he smiled. “You mean the one where we found the gun and the liquor in some dumpster in the middle of nowhere and we invited Jason over to some woman’s backyard so we could reminisce about the good old days?”

“Are you saying it’s not true?”

He watched me in amusement. “It’s too much of a coincidence that we just happened to find a gun and just happened to find stolen goods, then just happened to accidentally break into someone’s backyard and somehow it just looked like we were holding Jason captive, but really, we were all just playing around. Isn’t it?”

“You tell me.”

“If you don’t get us on the robbery, then we’re at least going down for the trespassing, oh and the part where Ronny pointed the gun at you, so what exactly are you waiting for? Why not go ahead and take this to Court?” he asked, tapping his chin as though in contemplation. “Oh wait, because there’s just the slightest possibility that your boyfriend might be implicated in this right?”

I watched him in silence; eyes narrowed when he leaned forward. “I want to make a deal. I want immunity. Wipe my slate clean and I’ll tell you everything.”

I chuckled. “Your friends have already confessed, why I should waste time giving you a deal. This is just a formality.”

He seemed to think about it for a moment. His intelligent gaze caught and held mine. He was certainly an interesting character. Smart as a whip no doubt, cool under pressure, a little cocky. He reminded me of Simon.

“This isn’t just a formality.” he said finally. “I believe you that they might have confessed.” he said. “But not all of them.”

I stood and turned to go, wondering what reaction I would get from him when he realized he wasn’t going to get his deal.

“Sharon is weak. No doubt you got her to talk in no time, but she’s loyal to a point. There’s no way she would turn against any of us unless she thought we’d turned on her and if that’s the tactic you used, then I commend you, but when someone’s under the gun they’ll say anything to survive, so her confession is hardly worth much in Court. Her attorneys can spin it any way they want and you’ll have lost your case.”

I turned to watch him. He had leaned back casually in his chair; one leg propped up against the edge of the metal table.

“No doubt you even got to Martin. He’s in love. He’ll say anything to get his little girlfriend off the hook. Maybe he confessed to doing it himself…” he trailed off. “But no, he wouldn’t do that because he wouldn’t risk never getting the chance to see her again. He wants them both out, which means, he gave someone else up. His confession is definitely not gonna hold up when all he was doing was calling names just so he and his girlfriend could go free.”

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe they did confess, but so did the others and they all named one person; you.”

He grinned. He was enjoying himself. “If Martin and Sharon pointed the finger at the same person, even if they said it was me, which I doubt, their testimony will still be weak. It’s just two people who are in love with each other, looking out for each other. The jury will see right past that.”

The smug son of a bitch.

“As for Ricky. You’ll never get him to talk. You could beat him half to death with a ten foot pole and the most you’ll get out of him is blood, so don’t even try to play that angle. As for Ronny,” he laughed. “He’ll rat out anybody to save his own ass. He’s been in and out of Juve all his life. There was even a time he went to therapy; no doubt his shrink has some notes somewhere about what a pathological liar he is.”

“You seem to have it all figured out.” I commented. “You haven’t mentioned Joseph, Paul and Sophie. Why is that?”

He snorted. “You think anybody’s gonna believe the testimony of three siblings? Of course they’re gonna lie for each other. O fcourse they’re gonna point the finger at anyone but themselves.

“Who knows, you might go to Court and you might win, but with the other side boring holes in your witnesses I doubt you’ll stand a chance. Every single person you put on that stand will be badly flawed. Even Jason; who won’t be going anywhere near that courthouse unless you drag him kicking and screaming anyway. So if you really want to get the real mastermind, I suggest you give me my deal, because one of us threatened to kill Jason’s kid and one of us won’t stop until the job’s done.” He paused, no doubt for dramatic effect. “So you better be prepared to protect your boyfriend and his kid for the rest of your life if the wrong person goes free just because you decided I wasn’t worth a deal.”

I nodded and turned to go. When I pulled the door open though, I paused and turned back towards him with a smile.

“Hey Dave, You’re not getting that deal.” I told him. “I lied. Not one of those knuckle heads confessed, so you just spent the last fifteen minutes telling us exactly what to do to make them all crack. In fact, you just won us this case. Enjoy your cell.” I finished and the last thing I saw before I turned and exited the room was the colour draining from Dave’s face.

I walked into the observation room to find the chief standing before the two-way mirror with his arms crossed before him and little Timmy standing beside him and pulling on his pant leg. I braced myself for the reprimand that would surely follow but it never came. Instead, the chief gestured to the assailant sitting in the interrogation room.

Dave, who had remained completely unfazed throughout the entire ordeal, now looked uncertain. He crossed and uncrossed his legs twice before setting them firmly on the ground and closing his eyes. We watched as he seemed to take a deep breath before opening them again. When he did, the calm exterior was once again set in place.

Eddie was the first to speak. “We’re making a deal with him aren’t we?” the idea seemed distasteful to him.

“He would make a decent profiler.” Simon murmured as he watched Dave. He was deep in thought. “We’ve used criminal consultants in the past.” he continued, oblivious to the fact that he was speaking out loud.

He was largely ignored.

“We might have a problem on our hands.” The chief said, finally lifting the fussy Timmy into his arms. Timmy grinned at me triumphantly. “If that assho– “he glanced at Timmy and cleared his throat.“If he’s telling the truth, then this could mean one of two things; either he’s subtly threatening to go after the kid once we give him his deal and he goes free, or one of his friends means to do Timmy harm. Either way, letting any of them loose until we figure that out would be a step in the wrong direction.”

“We’ve held them for long enough, eventually one or all of them are going to get bail.” Eddie commented and the chief nodded.

“Jason knows these guys. He knows what they’re capable of. I think we need to have a sit down with him.”

“I’ll find out what he knows.”

The chief shook his head. “No. Bring him in tomorrow. I want it all on record.”

“Dad—”

“I said bring him in Michael.” his tone brooked no argument. I nodded and gestured for Simon and Eddie to take him back to his cell.

When we were alone, he turned to me. “As much as I love spending time with the kid, this is no place for him on a daily basis.”

“Yeah I know, he’s officially starting pre-school tomorrow.”

Dad grinned and patted me on the shoulder as he passed me. “Try not to cave next time alright? I just lost a hundred bucks to Reynolds and I don’t need to watch him gloat for any longer than I have to.”

I shook my head. That damn Eddie.

“What do you want for lunch kid?” dad questioned Timmy on his way out and when I glanced at my watched I realized it was already past twelve. I cursed under my breath as I pulled the phone from my pocket. Three missed calls and about a dozen messages from Jace. I’d promised to send him a picture of Timmy in his new classroom.

I sighed, typed a quick message and hit send. ’ He cried and I couldn’t leave him. I have him with me at the Bureau. Tomorrow will be different’

‘I know it will cause i’m gonna be there.’ he replied in an instant

and with one last look at the now empty interrogation room, I headed out for lunch.

My partner Jimmy and I sat across from each other at our favorite lunch spot; an often crowded little cafe which was a good twenty minute drive from work but completely worth it. We’d been visiting the place almost every day since the chief had stuck us together and would no doubt continue to do so until one of us (Jimmy) decided to find some other fancy employment with better benefits and less risk.

As always, our spot had been reserved by the rosy-cheeked owner; Sally, who would mother us to distraction if we let her and never let us leave without our complimentary blueberry muffins. I took the final bite of my stuffed taco and sat back with a satisfied smile. “It’s been way too long.” I grinned.

Jimmy dabbed his mouth with one of Sally’s embroidered napkins and grinned back, but all too soon, his eyes turned serious. “Alright I know you’re dying to ask so shoot.”

I sat up and leaned forward. “Alright. Tell me what’s going on with my case.”

Jimmy raised a brow. “Oh it’s your case now is it?”

I watched him with narrowed eyes. “I’m a key witness. I watched them shoot that kid. I watched him bleed out right in front of my face. So yes, my case.” I crumpled my napkin and dropped it onto the table. “Besides, I’m back now. It’s time I know what’s going on.”

Jimmy shrugged. “Only one problem with that.” he said. “Chief turned it over to Jacobs. Says you’re taking it personally.”

I cursed under my breath. Of course he’d turned it over to the one asshole who hated my guts. “So you haven’t heard anything at all?”

Jimmy stood and placed a few bills on the table between us. “I told you to bury the hatchet with that moron three years ago. Now it’s coming to bite you in the ass.”

“Jimmy.”

He held up his hands in surrender. “I’ll see what I can do, but no promises.”

I nodded and stood just as Sally came bounding over with our goodie bags.

“How’s the shoulder?”

I slipped into the passenger seat of his car and unconsciously put a hand to it. “As good as new.” I told him. There was no point in bringing up the fact that every now and again it ached like a sun of a bitch, or the fact that if I did strenuous exercise it felt like my arm weighed a ton. 

Neither did I need to mention the fact that I didn’t think the arm would ever be the same again. What was important was that I could still do my job. I could still shoot accurately at a moving target. I could still provide excellent backup to my partner when necessary. I could still get the job done. The pain I could deal with.

The thought didn’t prevent me from being any less worried about my upcoming physical exams. Unless I wanted to spend the rest of my career behind a desk, I had to pass. Not even the great Chief could pull the strings necessary to get me out of that particular challenge.

…………………………………………

After lunch, I took Timmy to my mother’s where he would stay until the end of the workday. He’d made a fuss when he’d realized he would have to leave my dad behind and I’d seen the flash of guilt that had crossed my father’s face when Timmy had turn those big tear-filled eyes up at him. It was a new experience seeing him in this role when all my life I’d known him as the strict, tough as nails guy who never showed weakness.

Timmy had changed so many lives since he’d come into the world and he didn’t even know it. The kid was a blessing. Sometimes it was difficult to process just how much I loved him. The feeling was like a massive weight on my chest. It made it harder to breathe, harder to think and easier to smile.

I often found myself wondering what my life would have been like had I not ventured out that cold Friday night, but it was never a thought I liked to dwell on. An hour after I’d dropped him off, my mom sent me a video of Timmy in an apron rolling dough. He was messy from head to toe and grinning from ear to ear. His dimples were pronounced, his eyes were gleaming and focused on my mom as she demonstrated the right technique. I forwarded it to Jason with a grin, then schooled my expression as I pocketed the phone and entered the interrogation room.

Dave had been right about Ricky. Ten minutes with him and I knew I wasn’t going to crack him. There were no sympathies to play on because there was nothing he cared about—no one he cared for. What mattered to him was loyalty. It wouldn’t matter to him if they all went to prison. What mattered was that he wasn’t the one who sent them there.

He was a roadblock and no amount of threats, cajoling or promises was going to get me through.

He was the youngest of them all. A year older than Jason, but with far more scars to prove to the world that he was tough enough to live in it. That, or his misplaced loyalties caused him more problems than he’d care to admit.

“You think they deserve your loyalty?”

He shrugged. “They’re family.”

“What if I told you that family just gave you up?”

He shrugged. We can’t all be loyal soldiers.“

Interesting choice of words. “Your father was in the army, wasn’t he?”

He nodded. “He died for his country. He was a hero.”

“Do you think he’d be proud of you right now? Do you think he’d want you to go around robbing hardworking people and holding innocents at gun point?”

“Doesn’t matter. Like I said, he’s dead, but I’ll tell you this.” He said leaning forward. “Jason’s hardly innocent. He’s no different from the rest of us. No, he’s worse actually, ’cause when you got a kid, you’ll do just about anything to protect it. I could talk for days listing out all the shit he’s done.”

My eyes narrowed as I listened. “I thought you didn’t snitch on family.”

He shook his head. “Jason’s never been family. He cares about one thing and one thing only; his kid.”

“And you think that’s a bad thing?”

Ricky seemed to think on it for a moment, then he shook his head. “No. I respect what he’s doing. Always have.” He said. “Which is why I’ll tell you one thing; Jason was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. He’s got nothing to do with anything.” Then he paused for a moment before he added “None of us do.”

…………………………………

“We’ve got a lot.” Eddie informed me when I’d done my final interview for the day. “The only people who knew what that robber was wearing is the store keeper and us. Martin described the costume to a Tee. It at least put him at the scene of the crime. We were all there when Ronny threatened you and Timmy’s life. We watched him point that gun at Jason. We have the stolen goods. It’s a lot.”

I wasn’t so sure but I nodded anyway. Tomorrow I’d be interviewing the rest of them. Ronny I’d save for last. Something told me he was going to be my biggest challenge.

“I want to have a sit down with Dave in the morning.”

Eddie frowned. “Again?”

“Yeah. We have a lot more to discuss.”

…………………………………………

Not five minutes since I’d picked him up and he was already fast asleep. When I came to a stop at the intersection, I glanced at him. I noticed the dark shadows under his eyes; testament to the fact that he hadn’t slept well the night before. No doubt the whereabouts of his long-time friend haunted his dreams. He’d practically dragged himself out of bed this morning and I had a feeling tonight would be no different.

It was strange that those thoughts would bother him now after all these years, and I wondered what had triggered them. I wondered just who exactly this ‘Cam’ was and why his continued absence affected Jason as much as it did.

I would find Cam for him of course, but some selfish part of me dreaded the thought of what might come out of that reunion. Was Cam really just some long lost friend or had there been more? The thought worried me. I reached out to push his curls off his forehead. His skin was warm to the touch.

He’d made me fall in love with him, but in the process he’d obliterated my confidence. The fact of the matter was, Jason could up and leave any time he wanted. He had a steady job now; soon he’d be able to get himself a decent place for him and Timmy and nothing and no one could stop him.

It was hard to admit, but it terrified me that I was the only thing keeping him here. People who had lived the way Jason had for most of their lives didn’t know what it meant to settle down. There would probably always be that part of him that was ready to head for the door.

Sometimes I’d see it in his eyes; this flash of fear; like an animal that had been cornered and the only thing on its mind was flight. It was always brief but it was there. It made me harbour crazy thoughts. It made me almost wish I could just lock all the doors and keep him from running away from me; from the life we were building together.

Damion always said love was nothing but an unnecessary burden. He’s run from it all his life. Sometimes I wondered if maybe I’d be better off doing the same, but one look at Jason, one giggle from Timmy and I knew I was right where I needed to be. I just needed to work harder to convince Jason he was right where he needed to be too.

My mind drifted back to my buddy Damion. He’d invited me over a few months back. If we could sort out Jason and Timmy’s passport situation soon then maybe we could all go. A weekend away was probably exactly what we needed. Timmy would get a kick out of the fact that Damion was a firefighter and Jason could use some time away from everything; especially when he learned that he’d have to go in to the Bureau in the morning.

He woke up when I pulled up into my parents’ driveway and reluctantly followed me inside. Dad was still at the office so it was just my mom and Tommy who greeted us at the door. Timmy was all cleaned up; not an ounce of flour to be found on him. He launched himself into Jason’s arms the moment he saw him and Jason hugged him back with the same amount of enthusiasm.

The babbling came not long after that. Timmy of course, had to tell Jason about all the important aspects of his day. He started with the most recent; which had to do with cookies and ‘gwammy’ only getting one piece of candy from her candy jar. Then came the gibberish which Jason could clearly decipher while I was still as always at a complete loss.

My mom ushered us into the dining room. She’d set the table and fussed over us as we took our seats.

Timmy had already eaten and so was given a bowl of fruit to occupy his time.

“How was work sweetheart?”

It took Jason awhile before he realized that she was talking to him and I watched in amusement as he nodded enthusiastically before swallowing his food. “It was okay. I got to work on a car all by myself today. No supervision.” He said with a slight smile and my mother beamed proudly at him.

“You know what that means don’t you?” she asked and he shook his head.

“It means they trust you. They think you’re good at what you do. Keep it up sweetheart.”

Jason shrugged, though the glint in his eyes told us he was pleased with her words. “Cars are easy.”

“Can you drive dear?” she continued her interrogation.

Jason nodded. “Yeah, I learned a long time ago. It’s easy enough.” Then he paused as though something had occurred to him and he glanced my way. “But…I don’t got a license or nothin’ so of course I don’t drive. I’m just saying I know how to.”

I held up my hands “Hey, I don’t need convincing.” I grinned. He was a terrible liar.

“The boss says I gotta get one ’cause sometimes we gotta pick up people’s cars when they’re broken down on the road and stuff. He’s got two tow trucks you know.” He was clearly impressed.

“I’ll sort it out for you then.”

Jason glanced at my mom then back at me before he nodded.

“How was your first day back?”

I waved it off. “Nothing too exciting; desk work.” I said, but my mother smiled knowingly, raising a brow in question.

I sighed. “Dad told you.”

Jason looked between us in confusion.

“No. Simon stopped by. You know how he feels about my pies.” She said. “But of course I should have known you wouldn’t take it easy on your first day back. You’re just like your father.” She scolded, but her eyes gleamed in merriment.

“Gwammy I no like dis.” Timmy held up the half eaten slice of kiwi.

“Are you sure? Maybe you should take one last bite and then decide.” She said, and with a furrowed brow Timmy popped what was left of it into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully. When he was done, he frowned and shook his head.

“No. I no like Kwiwi.”

My mom grinned “Oh, before I forget!” she hopped up from her seat and went to fetch her purse from the kitchen counter. I watched in confusion as she fished around in it for a minute before pulling out a twenty dollar bill.

My confusion only grew when she took her seat and handed it to Jason, who took it with a grin. “I can admit when I’m wrong.” She said as Jason gleefully stuffed the bill into his pocket.

“Okay, what did I miss?” I asked.

Mom looked at me with one slightly raised brow. “You just lost me twenty dollars, that’s what you missed.”

Jason chuckled “I knew you’d let Timmy walk all over you.”

I watched them in complete bewilderment, before my mom took pity on me. “We had a bet. I lost.”

I looked between them in disbelief and threw up my hands. “What’s with everybody today?”

Across the table Timmy giggled.

……………………………………

It was late by the time we got home. My father had arrived shortly before we had been about to bid my mother good night and he’d not only convinced us to stay awhile longer, but he’d also managed to break the news to Jason before I did. I’d watched for signs of disquiet from him for hours later, but none came. He had simply agreed to a visit to the bureau in the morning and to my surprise that was that.

Now he was with Timmy putting the little monster to bed, while I stood under the spray on the hot shower, trying to work the twinge of discomfort from my shoulder. So caught up was I in my own thoughts and the calming effect of the hot water that I almost jumped when Jason slid the shower door open.

I blinked over at him as he stood there, but when I reached over to turn off the tap he shook his head. “I was just wondering if you were gonna be done soon.” He asked, arms crossed before him as he leaned a shoulder against the wall.

“Ah…yeah.” I stepped back from the spray and ran a hand over my face.

He still stood there biting his lip and looking far more uncomfortable than he had any reason to be.

“Everything alright”?

He nodded and when his face grew scarlet, I realized why. I grinned. “You know there’s room for two in here?”

He gave a short nervous laugh, before lifting the hem of his shirt and pulling it quickly over his head. Everything else soon followed and a moment later I was stepping back to allow him entrance into the shower with me.

He had a hard time looking me in the eyes. I laughed and pulled him toward me.

His kiss, when it came, was unhurried and exploratory. He surprised me by gently pushing me against the tiles and pressing the full length of his body against mine. As he deepened the kiss I wondered what had gotten into him. He was never so forward; never one to take contro—

Jason sprung away from me when the shower door slid open and Timmy’s face appeared through the crack.

“Jesus Timmy.” I sucked in a breath and glanced at Jason, who was standing to the back of the shower; his face riddled with guilt.

“Timmy no seep.” The kid whined and pushed the door open further, before he stepped back to pull off his own clothes. He was fully prepared to climb into the tub with us, but Jason recovered quickly enough to hop out, wrap a towel around his waist and pull a half-naked Timmy with him out of the bathroom. He left a trail of water across the floor as he went.

I let out the breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding and leaned against the wall. “Jesus.” I whispered into the quiet space.

I let Jason handle whatever awkward and certainly difficult conversation he would have to have with Timmy about what he had seen, and hid out in our bedroom, worrying; among other things, about the kid’s interpretation of the events of the night.

I sat in bed; covers drawn up to my waist, and waited for him to appear. When he did, it was difficult to decipher his expression. I noticed that this time he made sure to lock the door before he came any further into the room and without a word to me, he entered the bathroom and locked that door behind him too.

I was sitting in the same position, with the same thoughts running through my mind when he exited the bathroom twenty minutes later. I watched him run the towel through his heavy curls before dropping it onto the chair by the wall.

He was stark naked as he crossed the room and came to a stop by my side of the bed. As I watched, he turned out the lamp and surprised me by climbing onto my lap. “What’s gotten into you tonight? I asked, though truth be told, I certainly didn’t mind the attention.

My hand settled on his hips. “What did you say to him?”

He shrugged. “He made me sing him a bunch of songs and then he fell asleep.”

I watched his expression carefully in the moonlit room. “That’s it?”

“What else did you want me to tell him?”

“I— he—Jason, he just saw us in there.”

Jason shook his head and bent to plant a kiss on the side of my face. “He never saw anything. Just his daddy and Micha having a shower.”

When I frowned, he smoothed my furrowed brows with the pads of his fingers, then he leaned in to kiss my forehead. “Jace, I really think—”

He cut me off with a kiss on the lips and after a moment of getting distracted by him, I pushed him gently away from me and held his arms to keep him there. “I don’t think we should send him to school tomorrow.” I said seriously and he grinned. “This is serious Jason. This is the type of thing you see in the movies. You know, where the kid goes to school and draws a picture of what he saw his parents doing in the dark.” I tried to get my point across to him, but his smile only grew.

“Timmy can’t draw.” He said simply and I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

“You know what I mean. Kids have a way of getting these things across to…you know.” I gestured to the ceiling and when he looked up I sighed. He was grinning when he looked back at me.

“Timmy can’t get anything across to anybody and it don’t matter anyway ’cause he never saw anything. What’s he gonna say anyway? That he went and saw his dads showering? He can’t even say the word properly. Everything’s fine.” He tried to assure me, but I’d stopped listening when he’d said the word ‘dads’.

I didn’t think he’d even realized what he’d said, but his words had sobered me and I watched him in shocked silence. “What?” he asked with a frown. “You’re the one who wanted him in school so now you can’t go and back out. He’s going tomorrow and he’s gonna stay there until the end.”

I nodded slowly, barely listening to him as I tried to wrap my head around what his little slip of the tongue could mean. Was that how he thought of us now? As Timmy’s parents? The joy, when it finally bubbled to the surface was breath-taking. I held him hips and flipped him onto his back. He laughed; only going silent when I covered his lips with my own.

When we finally pulled away for air, he pushed at my shoulders and I pulled away, watching him in confusion as he slid out from under me and once again found his way on top. He sat with his legs on either side of mine. I could feel the brush of his engorged flesh against my own.

When I gripped either side of his hips again, he pushed my hands away; directing them above my head. I allowed him to wrap my fingers around the rungs in the headboard; curious about what he might do next. This Jason was completely new to me. He was never so bold; never one to take charge.

I liked it.

I let him run his fingers slowly down the inside of my arms, across my shoulders and down further to brush against my hardened nipples. I sucked in a breath; aroused. He kissed me then; on my nose, my chin and continued trailing until he reached my neck; where he suckled hard. He’d no doubt marked me.

I liked that too.

I closed my eyes when he tongued one nipple and then sucked it into his mouth. I felt his teeth scrape gently against it as his fingers squeezed and played with the other. When he pulled away he blew and I shivered. He eased off my legs, moving lower as he trailed his hands down my body. I raised my head to watch him, but it was too dark to properly see the features of his face. The next thing I knew, he’d taken the length of me in his mouth and he did sinful things to me with his tongue.

It became difficult to control my breathing as his head dipped and rose and dipped and rose; over and over again until I saw stars. When I released the rungs and made to put my hands on his head, he pulled away and the all-consuming heat I’d felt around my turgid flesh disappeared.

He didn’t look at my face as he positioned himself over me, but he did make sure to push my hands right back where he wanted them; above my head and far, far away from his body. I didn’t care; so long as he kept doing what he was doing with his hips, nothing mattered. I groaned when he took hold of me and guided my flesh into his heat.

My eyes rolled back in my head and I arched my hips; trying to get as deep as his body would allow. His movements were careful and unhurried when I wanted fast and hard. He knew it was what I wanted. He knew what my body craved, but for whatever reason he wanted to deny me. With the moonlight streaming through the crack in the curtain I watched his smile; a slow satisfied upturn of the lips that told me he had me exactly where he wanted me.

He was the devil. When I tried to thrust my hip up to meet him, he shook his head and I was forced to wait achingly and torturously long for his slow slide down. I released the rungs again, intending to move my hands to his hips where they belonged, but he caught them before I could and slid hands into mine. Our fingers curled together above my head and my toes curled as he continued his slow glide up and down.

“Jace.” I breathed.

He leaned closer, his movements coming to stop. “I can give you what you want.” He whispered. His breath against my neck made me shiver. I could feel his wet heat around me and I throbbed inside him. I swallowed hard “Yeah.” But he didn’t move.

“I can give you what you want.” He whispered again and this time I got his meaning.

“You want me to beg?”

He smiled. The dirty little minx.

“And if I say no?”

He clenched around me and I grunted from the simple ecstasy of it. “I could just overpower you.” I whispered against the lips that had come to meet mine. I felt his smile.

“You could.”

I began to pull my hands from his to do just that, but he held on tight. In the dark, his eyes met and held mine. From what little I could see in them, I was enraptured. He was beautiful and just as far gone as I was. Maybe more. It wouldn’t take much to make him bend to my will, but I would give him what he wanted.

“Please.” I whispered and I felt him clench. I drew in a breath.

“Please what?”

“I want you.” I breathed. “I need to feel you.”

His answering smile was slow and lazy. His lids were half closed and his breathing was shallow. “What do I get?” he teased and finally, I felt the achingly slow glide as he rose and fell.

“Anything you want.” I whispered and gasped when he lowered his mouth to my neck again and sucked; marking me where the world would see. After that I was lost. I pulled my hands out of his and took hold of his hips.

I flipped him smoothly onto his back and he let me, then I rode him the way I’d been dying to since he’d started his little game. He clung to me every step of the way and I lost myself in every groan, every gasp, every sound that I managed to rip from his lungs. When he came it was a powerful thing, and as I watched him caught up in his own bliss, I felt my own release.

It was a long time before we could manage to move. I rolled off him and watched as he hopped from the bed and grabbed the towel from the chair. He cleaned us up and dropped it in a pile by the foot of the bed. I pulled him to me when he finally climbed back into bed. His eyes were wide with wonder as he watched me. He ran his fingers over the marks he’d made and I smiled in satisfaction.

“Now the whole world will know I’m yours.” I told him.

The slight wind had blown the curtain back into place which succeeded in blocking out the light. I couldn’t see his face. I couldn’t guess at what he was thinking in that moment, but when he tilted his head up and kissed me with all the left over emotion he could manage for the night, I knew exactly what he wished he had the courage to say— I love you.

He’d only ever said the words once, but at times like these, once was more than enough.

                                                              AUTHOR’S NOTES

The last time I uploaded we were all young and vibrant, now we’re old and wrinkled.

Thank you for your patience. This was a ridiculously long wait and if you’re still here then I’m lucky to have you.

I appreciate your continued support. The next time I upload we’ll all be just as old and wrinkled as we are now. Let’s revive A Home for Timmy.

P.S Yes that’s Damion from my book Dominance and Submission.

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Chapter 26: Rookie Mistake

Chapter 26

Timmy wasn’t having it. After yesterday’s near miss, he’d come prepared to put up a fight and fight he did. The kid tried every tactic in the book to prevent us from leaving; most of them had been directed at me because we both knew Jason was a pro. Jason glanced at me briefly when Timmy reached for me, but I held my ground; remembering his warning that morning at breakfast.

I watched as he lowered himself to the floor in the classroom and sat Timmy down in front of him. He pulled out the watch he’d bought for Timmy earlier and fastened it around his son’s wrist. For a moment Timmy looked at it– fascinated by the superheroes on its face, but just as quickly, he lost interest and began to fuss. He knew we were going to leave him and his window of opportunity was quickly closing.

“Timmy.” Jason said gently and much to my astonishment the kid fell silent and watched Jason. I didn’t know why moments like these even bothered to surprise me anymore when it was clear to all that Jason was the baby whisperer. “Me and Michael have to leave for a little bit okay?”

Timmy shook his head vigorously. “No, no leave Timmy.”

“It’s only gonna be for a little while I promise. Look at your watch.” he pointed to Timmy’s wrist and the kid looked down. “When this makes a very special noise it means daddy and Michael are coming to get you.” he said, then set a quick alarm so Timmy could hear it. “So when you hear that sound it means we’re gonna come and take you home with us okay?”

He reset it for a later time and even though it seemed as though Timmy understood, he wasn’t convinced. “Remember when we used to live at the other house?”

Timmy shook his head. “Of course you remember. I used to give you your own flashlight remember and there was a lot of flowers outside and you used to pick them and it made you itchy. Remember that?”

“An Timmy haf scwatch.” he said, demonstrating just how he used to scratch his itchy hand. Jason nodded.

“Remember daddy had to leave you alone sometimes?”

Timmy nodded with a deep frown.

“And remember what I always used to tell you?”

“Daddy come back.”

Jason grinned. “Exactly and daddy always came back for you right?”

The kid nodded, but he didn’t look too happy about it. “Well me and Michael have to go to work now and you get to stay here and play with all your new friends.” Jason pointed to a few of them. “See? they all want to play with you. So you get to play here all day and when your watch makes that extra special sound, it means daddy and Michael are coming to get you. Okay?”

Timmy nodded reluctantly, but I noted his fingers were still wrapped tightly around Jason’s hand.

“Come on.” Jason stood and Timmy latched onto his hand and followed him over to one of the many toy containers in the room. I watched as he picked out a few Timmy would like, but while he stared at the toys with obvious fascination, he stubbornly refused to accept them until Jason sat him down at a table and placed them before him.

He reached out hesitantly to pick up the fire truck and I watched with interest as the little boy who I had spotted sitting alone the morning before, walked over. He slid into the seat across from Timmy; undisturbed by the fact that two adults hovered. He picked up the stuffed bear from the table and secured it under his arm.

“I haf bunny.” Timmy told him and the boy sat up straighter, looking at Timmy with narrowed eyes.

“No.”

Timmy’s eyes widened and he looked at Jason. “Daddy baby say I no have bunny.”

I chuckled under my breath.

“Do you want to show him?” he asked as he pulled the said rabbit from Timmy’s bag and handed it to him.

Timmy held it up and waved it around. “Timmy haf Bunny.” he told the kid adamantly and when the kid held out a hand, to my surprise, Timmy gave it to him.

The boy took Bunny by one ear and held it up for inspection. Timmy watched him keenly as he did and I in turn watched with interest as the boy pulled the bear from under his arm and handed it to Timmy. The boy watched as Timmy carried out his own inspection and finally, Timmy gave his verdict.

“Bunny Bedder.”

The boy nodded “Yeah.” he said. “My bear no have…” he took a breath “no have dese earws.” he gestured to Bunny’s floppy ears and Timmy smiled; dimples and all.

A friendship had formed.

When Jason stood, Timmy glanced at him. “We’re gonna go now okay? but we’ll be back for you later today so just play with your friend, alright?”

To my surprise, Timmy simply nodded and turned his full attention back to his new friend. “I’m putting your bag over there alright?” Jason pointed to the bag shelf and with a quick glance at the shelf and back, Timmy nodded and that was that.

We spoke briefly with the teacher before we left and Jason exited the classroom with a big smile and a satisfied expression. When he glanced at me I could tell he was ready to gloat…and gloat he did. “That was easy.”

I shook my head. “Only because you had the kid to help you out.”

“No, I could have made him stay anyway.”

“Yeah well you didn’t see him yesterday. He thought I was abandoning him.”

He merely shrugged. “Timmy knows how to take advantage of you and you let him. It’s as simple as that.”

He was grinning from ear to ear; such a far cry from the quiet, shy man who had tried to pick my pocket not too long ago. I slung an arm across his shoulder and though he glanced around inconspicuously, he didn’t move away.

“Do you think she’ll remember to send us pictures of him today?” he queried as got into the car and pulled on our seatbelts.

“Pretty sure she will.”

He nodded slowly, then bit his lip. “How long do I have to stay at the meeting and what kinds of questions is he going to ask me?”

“It shouldn’t be too long, but with the chief, you can never really tell. The questions will be mostly about what happened that night. Why you were there, what did you see; that sort of thing. It’s nothing to worry about, really.”

He nodded slowly, but he didn’t look particularly convinced. “Your dad doesn’t trust me you know.”

There was really no point in lying to him. “He just doesn’t know you very well yet.”

“He doesn’t want to know me.” He said, then frowned. “I don’t know if I even want to know him either.”

“Timmy spends a lot of time with him. You’ll both have to find a way to make this work for his sake.”

Jason shrugged. “I bet he thinks I’m some kind a criminal.” He shook his head. “I guess I kinda am in a way but it aint like I ever killed anybody.”

I remained silent as I pulled out of the parking lot and listened to him rant.

“Maybe it’s cause he’s gotta judge people for a living. Maybe that’s why he’s…” he trailed off with a sigh.

I didn’t know what to tell him; my dad could be a hard ass and we’d been having the same debate since the moment I’d scraped Jason and Timmy off the streets. I could only hope that in time he’d get over his prejudices.

Jason was silent for the rest of the drive over to the Bureau and I used that time to reflect on Timmy, who was hopefully still as calm and happy as we’d left him. I wondered if I’d ever get used to the idea of leaving him at school everyday. I had already grown accustomed to having him with me all hours of the day. Jason and I had decided that he would go to school three days a week and spend the other two with my mom. I was slowly trying to convince myself that this was all necessary, but it had to be if it meant that he would learn to speak properly and make friends. 

………………………………………………………………

“What’s he doing?”

Eddie glanced at me. “He came in this morning muttering something about ’ criminal consultant .’ He’s been in with the kid ever since.”

I looked toward the glass.

“You think this is going to be a slap on the wrist? Armed robbery is no joke, neither is kidnapping. You’re not getting out of this one.” 

“Guess I’ll have to just take my chances.” The kid said, though some of the cockiness from yesterday had disappeared.

“Prison isn’t like the movies you know.” Simon continued. “You’ll be lucky if you last a week with that smart mouth of yours.”

He shrugged.

“You said you wanted a deal, well this is the best you’re going to get. Your options are to work with us or spend time behind bars.” Simon stood and   Dave watched him; expression unreadable.

“Or I could just take my chances with the system and in no time I’ll be as free as a bird.”

Simon shook his head. “It’s because you’re smart why you’re being offered this deal. You and I both know that you’re not just walking away from this.” Simon bluffed. “You have an hour to decide. After that I can’t help you. No one can.”

Dave watched him leave and when the door closed behind him, he looked down at his hands and closed his eyes. Eddie and I glanced at Simon when he entered the room grinning.

Eddie raised a brow. “You look pretty sure of yourself.”

“I call dibs on him once he signs.”

Eddie’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Why?”

Simon glanced at the glass again; his smile widening. “ I just spent an hour in there with him; he’s smart Ed. I mean really smart.“

Eddie glanced at the suspect; his frown deepening. “So?”

“Life at the Bureau is about to get a whole lot more interesting.” He said, then rubbed his hands together with glee.

“What’s the deal you offered him?”

“He confesses to being an accessory and testifies against Ronny and in return he gets to be our very own criminal consultant. He’s going to make a great profiler.”

“That’s if he accepts.” Eddie interrupted, looking far more grumpy than he had when I’d walked in.

Simon didn’t bat an eye. “He will.” Then he glanced around the room. “Where’s Timmy?”

“School.”

Eddie chuckled. “Where would you be without Jason?”

I waved him away. “Get him back to his cell. I want to have a word with Ronny.”

Simon gestured to the kid still sitting silently in the other room. “Don’t you want to take a stab at him?”

“Later.”

………………………………………………..

His eyes were red, snot was running down his face and he threw everyone he could think of under the bus.

“It wasn’t me I swear” he sobbed and I fought hard not to roll my eyes. He was a mess.

This was their fearless leader? This was the badass I’d saved for last? I pulled out the chair across from him and sat. “All the evidence points to you Ronny. Confess now and we’ll tell the judge you were cooperative, but if you choose to let this drag out, you won’t like where you end up.”

He put his head down on the desk and sobbed. I shook my head.

How disappointing.

……………………………….

Jason

It was no wonder he was the big boss what with the way he looked at you. It was like he could read your mind or something. Him and Michael were almost the same person, except Michael never looked at me like I was a lump of mud stuck to the bottom of his shoe. Michael respected me, while this man probably wished I’d never been born.

He had a kind of presence about him; the kind of presence people in power usually had; the kind of presence Michael had; like if he spoke, people wouldn’t have a choice but to listen. I wondered if maybe one day Michael would end up running the place. I looked around the big office.

I wouldn’t mind that; at least he wouldn’t have to do anything dangerous; just sit behind a desk all day and tell people what to do. I shook my head. Michael wouldn’t like that though; he loved getting his hands dirty.

When the chief shifted in his chair, I looked at him.

“Tell me why you were living on the streets.”

“I thought we were gonna talk about the investigation.”

The chief’s eyes were cold and lifeless. “We’ll get to that.”

“I left ’cause my old man was an asshole.”

He folded his arms before him. “In what way?”

“I thought Michael told you all of this already.”

“I want to hear it from you.”

I sighed. “He found out I was gay, he decided he could beat the faggot outta me and I wasn’t gonna put up with it no more so I left.”

The chief nodded, but his expression didn’t change. “Michael says he kicked you out.”

I shrugged. “He did but I would a left eventually anyway.”

“How old were you at the time?”

“Fourteen.”

He nodded again. “A fourteen year old out on the streets. How did you survive?”

I shrugged. “I did what I had to do.”

“Like what?”

I didn’t like the way he was looking at me right then; like I was something dirty and he was somehow better than me because he didn’t have to do the things I’d had to do.

“You aint got no right to judge me.” I told him and he raised an eyebrow. “Just because you had the easy life. If you ever went through the shit I went through, you wouldn’t look at me that way.”

“What do you think I see when I look at you?” he asked all calm like and it pissed me off.

“You think I’m some kinda criminal. You think I aint good enough for Michael.”

“Are you?”

“I—” I hadn’t really expected that question and now that he’d asked it, I didn’t know the best way to answer him. I shook my head. “I guess it depends on how you look at it. I’ve stolen from people lots of times. Either I do that or I starve. Either I do that or my kid starves. People aint exactly handing out jobs to people like me out there so you gotta do what you gotta do.” I told him.

“I aint never killed nobody before. I never hurt nobody either. Sometimes people let me mow their lawns or shovel snow off their driveway. One time I worked on a ranch. Sometimes I used to deliver stuff for people. Yeah I got an idea what was in those packages, but I didn’t care, the most important thing was getting enough money so Timmy wouldn’t go hungry, or so we could save for a place to live in and I’d do it all again too, cause I don’t care what you or anybody else thinks. As long as my kid is okay, nothing and nobody matters.”

“Are you pretending to care about my son so Timmy will be taken care of?”

I glared at the asshole. “Why would I need to do that for? I been taking care of Timmy myself all his life and we been doing just fine. I don’t need to trick anybody for anything.”

He was looking me right in the eyes; as calm as ever. “Tell me about Timmy’s mother.” He said, surprising me.

“Why?”

“Why not? Unless you have something to hide.”

How did Michael put up with him? I couldn’t imagine him like Michael described; the man who didn’t care that Michael was gay and forced a school to let Michael go to prom with his boyfriend. How was this the same guy?

“What do you wanna know?”

“Start from the beginning. How did you two meet?”

I took a deep breath and looked down at my phone when it beeped. It was a message from Timmy’s teacher. When I opened it I couldn’t help but smile. It was a picture of Timmy and the kid we’d left him to play with; Liam, the teacher called him.

In the picture they were on the floor, playing with trucks. I was glad he was having fun; definitely better than the shitty day I was having with Michael’s asshole of dad. Don’t really know what made me do it, but I turned the screen toward him and held it up for him to see.

His eyes narrowed for a second and then just like that the angry expression just melted away. “Looks like he made a new friend.” The chief said, a small smile on his face.

I nodded. “His name is Liam.”

He looked up at me then and cleared his throat and just like that the asshole was back. I shook my head. Timmy had no idea how much control he had over these people.

I sighed. “Her name was Alex. She used to be a waitress at a little diner close to the place I used to stay at. I used to buy food there sometimes and sometimes we’d talk. Sometimes when I didn’t have the money, she used to make me come there at night when it was closing time, then she’d give me the food they didn’t sell in the day.” I told him. “They were gonna throw it out anyway.”

He was still sitting there all quiet-like; listening.

“I didn’t really know anything about her, but she was kinda my friend for a while. She had her own place; sometimes she’d let me stay over so I could watch her TV and stuff.”

“Just TV?” he raised a brow. I didn’t like the look in his eye.

I shook my head. “That was just one time and we were drunk and …it didn’t mean anything. It just happened.”

“How old were you when you found out she was pregnant?”

“Fifteen.”

The chief rubbed his chin. “And you said she had her own place”

I nodded.

“How old was she?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know…twenty something I guess.”

He seemed to think about that for a bit, then finally, he nodded. “Go on.”

“She got fired from her job a couple months after she found out she was gonna have a baby.” I told him, remembering how freaked out she was when she told me she was pregnant. “She said…She said plenty of people would pay her a lot for a baby. She said plenty of people couldn’t have kids and she could make good money if she sold him off to rich folks.

“I told her I wouldn’t let her do it. He was my son too, but she said it was the mother’s choice.” I gritted my teeth. I remembered how much I’d hated her when she’d said it, but now that she was gone, I could see that she’d only been desperate. Life on the streets were scary if you weren’t used to it and she’d been weeks away from being kicked out of her apartment.

“She eventually found some people interested in paying for a new-born. She was gonna sign some papers after the baby was born, then my son would be gone.”

“What happened on the day she gave birth?”

I clasped my hands tight in my lap. “I was at the hospital. I told her I wanted to hold him first; just once before they took him away and she let me. The people who were gonna pay her off for him had to wait in the other room first.” I bit my lip “She told me that as soon as she signed that would be it and I couldn’t let that happen.”

The chief nodded. “So you ran with him.”

I nodded. “Yeah. He was so small. I was so scared but he was mine, I couldn’t let her give him away like that.” I took a deep breath. “It wasn’t easy taking care of him. He was always crying and he was too young to leave him alone all the time, but I made it work.”

“What happened to the mother?”

I shrugged. “I never saw her again after that. I didn’t want her to take Timmy and a few months after, some guy she was with beat her up pretty bad. She died.”

“Where’s the guy now? Did you know him?”

I shrugged. “Probably in jail or something. I saw him around back then, but I never talked to him or nothin.”

He nodded. “So you were about sixteen when Timmy was born.”

I nodded. “Almost seventeen.”

“Any regrets?”

I shook my head. “None.”

For the first time since I’d met the man, he smiled at me. A real honest-to-god smile that I could even see in his eyes. “It’s admirable what you did; choosing to raise a child when you yourself were a child.”

I shrugged. “It’s what a dad’s supposed to do. Don’t matter his age.”

Again the chief nodded. “Tell me about your father.”

I shook my head. “I don’t like to talk about him.”

“You should know that I ran a background check on you.”

I shrugged. “Not surprised.”

“I know your father’s a cop.”

I nodded.

“A good cop by all accounts.”

“Maybe he is.”

“Have you been in contact with him at all since you left?”

I shook my head.

“You know, you’re in the missing children’s database right? He searched for you for a long time after he let you go.”

The news surprised me, but I didn’t care anyway. My old man was nothing good. He probably did it to cover his own ass. “Well I aint interested in him or anything he’s doing. I don’t ever want to see his face again.”

“What about your mom?”

I closed my eyes; I could see her clear as day in my head. “She never did a thing to stop it when he….” I swallowed. “Doesn’t matter now anyway.”

When I opened them again, the chief was watching me. “You can say what you’re thinking.” I told him. “I’ve got thick skin. I can take it.”

“Out of all the pockets you could have picked that night why did you choose Michael’s?”

I shrugged and looked away from him. “It was random.” I lied. “Just saw some guy walking alone and I figured he’d be easy.”

“If you could do it all over again, knowing what you know now, would you still have chosen him?”

I didn’t answer him, just stared at the wall above his head and hoped he’d ask me something else or leave me be.

He waited all of five minutes before he said anything. “There’s one question you didn’t answer.” He was still so calm I just wanted to punch the expression off his face. I didn’t know how Michael cared for the asshole.

“What question?”

“Do you think you’re good enough for him?”

I met his eyes but I couldn’t understand what I saw in them. I looked down at my hands in my lap and then back up at him. “I know you think I’m not.”

“Are you?”

I gritted my teeth. “He’s the best person I ever met. He should be with someone just like him; someone who can take care of him same as he loves to take care of people, someone who’s smart.”

The chief didn’t say anything, he just watched me. “He loves Timmy though and he says…” I couldn’t look him in the eye when I said the rest. “He says he loves me too and I’m starting to think…that maybe he might for real.”

I looked up when the chief unfolded his arms and leaned back in his seat. “He wouldn’t have said it if he didn’t mean it.” He said to my surprise.

I nodded. “Your boy Timmy is something special.” He told me then. “He’s become a huge part of our lives in the short time he’s been here. The truth is, we love the kid and my son loves you, so as much as I’ve been trying to deny it, there must be something good in you, because Michael’s a good judge of character.”

I didn’t really know what to say to that so I said nothing.

“I don’t know much about you so trusting you with my son doesn’t come easy.” He said. “but you’re making him happy and I’ll just have to accept that.” He surprised me again by holding out his hand. After a second, I reached out to shake it. “Welcome to the family. Don’t hurt him.”

I nodded and swallowed hard past the lump in my throat.

………………………………………….

Michael

Something just didn’t add up how could Ronny be the mastermind behind it all?

I looked at him; shaking like a leaf as he wiped his nose with the back of his sleeve.

“Tell me what happened that night.”

He sniffled. “I want a lawyer.”

“Listen—”

“I want a lawyer…the same one I was assigned. I want to talk to her.”

I gritted my teeth and stood, then gestured to the glass. A moment later the door opened and I stepped through. “Cuff him, take him back to his cell then call his lawyer.” I told the rookie agent who stood in the entrance.

I retrieved my phone from the observation room just in time to see a message come through from Timmy’s school. The first was a picture of Timmy of his new friend Liam and the second a video recording of them both.

I hit play and grinned. They were both sitting around a tiny blue desk molding play-doh.

“See? You do dis and you woll it like dis.” Liam was explaining to a very keen little Timmy.

“Micha no let Timmy woll it.” Timmy replied and I laughed. The one time I’d told him he couldn’t use his play-doh on the carpet at home and he’d decided to take it to heart.

Liam frowned at the news. “But you hafto woll it so…” deep breath “so it will look like dis.” Liam held up his masterpiece for Timmy to see.

Timmy glanced down at his untouched piece and frowned. “Micha say no Timmy.”

Liam frowned some more and seemed to contemplate the bad news, then to my surprise, he handed his masterpiece to Timmy and retrieved Timmy’s untouched lump and rolled it into a similar shape.

Timmy’s dimples showed when he grinned at his new treasure and the video ended.

I shook my head and chuckled as I exited the room. Kids were so…. I froze at the sight before me and cursed under my breath.

“Hey why the hell isn’t he cuffed?” I questioned the rookie who was leading Ronny out of the interrogation room. He froze, then looked at Ronny uncertainly.

“I…he’s harmless Michael, I figured I could just—” the agent broke off suddenly and I reached for my weapon when Ronny used the momentary distraction to reach around the rookie agent and pull his gun from the agent’s holster. He wrapped his arm around the guy’s throat and I cursed when I remembered I’d handed my own weapon off to Eddie before stepping into the interrogation room earlier.

I watched as Ronny pressed the gun to the side of the rookie’s head and my blood ran cold. When Ronny met my eyes, he smiled.

……………………………………………………….

Jason

“Tell me about your friends.”

“They’re not my friends. Just a buncha people I used to hang out with a while back.”

“Okay, tell me about them. What are they like? How did you come to meet them?”

I shrugged. My phone beeped again, but this time I ignored it. “At first it was just me, Ronny and Red.”

“Red?”

“Yeah, he was Ronny’s brother. They were twins. I heard he’s dead now though.” I said, I felt the hollowness in my chest at the thought. “We met way before Timmy was born and back then, I guess we were friends. We used to survive together; run cons on people and stuff and we were good at it. We lived all over the place and we looked out for each other you know?”

The chief continued to watch me.

I bit my lip. “I didn’t tell you this but…they helped me get away with Timmy at the hospital. They distracted the right people and it worked. If it wasn’t for them I don’t know if I’d have him in my life right now.”

“Do you think you owe them for that?”

I shook my head. “Plenty a times I saved their lives and plenty a times they saved mine, it’s just what friends are supposed to do.” I said. “but then they wanted to do more than just small cons and I didn’t want any part in that. I had Timmy to think about and if I got thrown in prison or worse…“I shook my head.

“What was their response to you not wanting to graduate to bigger cons?”

“They weren’t too happy, but they didn’t make too much of a fuss over it. They’d helped me take care of Timmy plenty of times so they knew I had to watch out for him but that’s when they decided to start recruiting more people.”

I paused.

“Go on.”

“Ricky was the first person to join. Ronny helped him get away from some cops after they’d caught him robbing some old lady. It’s why he’s so loyal I thin; nobody ever gave a rat’s ass about him before he joined the group. Anyway, little by little they kept recruiting more people and in about six months we had Ricky, Martin, Sharon,  Joseph, Paul, Sophie and Stanton.

“Who’s Stanton?”

“He died on a job. They were gonna rob a place but another gang was already there and it got crazy. He got shot. After that, I decided to stop completely and I told them I was done. Ronny was mad, he didn’t want me to leave, but Red understood. He asked me to recruit one more person for them before I left. I figured it was the least I could do after all the years we been friends.”

The chief nodded. “who did you recruit?”

“Dave. I met him one day trying to con some people with a card trick. I thought he was pretty good so I asked him if he wanted to join. At the time he was still living with his family. He wasn’t a street kid like the rest of us, but he was interested, so he showed up for jobs when we needed him and went back home to his cozy little life afterwards. The others didn’t like him much and Ronny didn’t think he was really one of us because he didn’t live the way we did, but he was good at conning so he got to stay.”

“How long did you stay with the group after you recruited him?”

“Two months.” I told him. “I saw them every now and again afterwards and in the beginning I’d still help them out on one or two little jobs but after a while we drifted apart and I rarely saw them again. The night Michael found us together was the first time I’d seen them again in almost a year, but I think maybe they were still keeping tabs on me because they knew about me and Michael.”

“Tell me a little bit about Dave. Do you trust him?”

I shrugged. “I don’t think I trust anybody, but back when I was a part of the group I didn’t have a problem with him. Pretty sure he’s smarter than all of us and he was great with Timmy and good at everything he did, but he didn’t like it when anybody told him what to do and that used to drive Ronny crazy.”

“And what about Ronny? Sounds like he was the leader.”

I shrugged. “He liked to think he was and I guess in a way he was since most people listened to him.”

“Do you think he’s dangerous?”

I nodded. “He’s good at manipulating people and he’s good at pretending. One moment you think he’s a harmless innocent guy and the next, he’s stealing the shirt right off your back. He’s got one a those innocent-looking faces you know? But he’s the type of person who’d shoot a guy in the head and smile while doing it. You can’t underestimate him or you’ll be sorry.”

“Have you ever seen him commit murder?”

I shook my head. “Never, but it wouldn’t surprise me if he did.”

The chief nodded again. “Is there anything else you want to tell me about him?”

I thought about it for a second. “One thing I can say is that if he cares about you, you can trust him to watch your back and you can be sure he’ll be there for you no matter what, but the moment you cross him, you better watch your own back because you better believe he’ll be coming after you with everything he’s got.”

The chief grinned. “Good to know.” I watched him stand. “Michael’s questioning him right now. I want you to talk to him.”

I stood. “To Ronny?”

“Yes. I want to see how he reacts to seeing you.” The chief was already across the room. He opened the door and walked out without another word.

I sighed and followed. I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my jeans and kept my head straight as we passed the agents sitting at their desks out in the other room. I hated coming to the Bureau. I didn’t belong and it made me uncomfortable.

I followed him across the room and waited while he pulled open another door that I remembered; it was the one that would take us to the interrogation room; I hated that room more than anything.

I didn’t realize what was going on when the chief stepped into the room. As soon as I walked inside behind him and shut the door, something slammed into me and I tripped, but before I could fall to the floor somebody grabbed my arm and pulled me against them. It really wasn’t until I felt something cold and hard against my head that I even realized what was happening and by then it was too late.

“Keep still.” a familiar voice whispered in my ear and I froze. “ Everybody just do what you’re told and nobody has to get hurt alright?“ Ronnie whispered and for the first time since entering the room, I noticed who else was in it.

Michael was kneeling on the floor, checking on an FBI guy who looked like he’d been knocked out; he had a nasty cut on his head.

“Gun on the table grandpa.” Ronny told the chief. “ And don’t try anything or I swear to god i’ll kill him.“ 

I shivered and watched nervously as the chief did what he was told. “Just take it easy Ronny, you don’t want to do this.” he said.

“Touch that panic button and you’ll be wiping him off the floor.” he said to Michael, who had been inching closer to the table. I flinched when he pressed the gun closer to my head.

“We’re all gonna take our time and walk out the door. No sudden movements and don’t try anything stupid. You’re gonna tell your men to let me walk and I don’t wanna see any guns pointing at me. You got that?”

“Son, there’s a room full of agents out there. Think this through before you– “

“I’m not your son and I don’t need your lecturing. Let’s go and take sleeping beauty over there with you.”

Michael lifted the agent under the arm pits and dragged him with him across the room. The chief was the first one to exit and I heard him outside the door giving the other agents instruction not to shoot, then it was Michael with the unconscious guy and finally, Ronny shoved me in front of him and used me as his shield as we walked out.

The agents were all standing up; some at their desks, some at random places and they all stood there just watching us. “Just don’t do anything stupid!” Ronny shouted from behind me. He was smart enough to walk with his back to the wall and very very slowly, we crossed the room. 

My heart was beating so hard in my chest that I thought I was close to having a heart attack. I felt like I couldn’t see straight and my throat was as dry as hot sand. I knew Michael was somewhere off to one corner and I heard him say something, but it was too hard to focus when I could be dead any second.

It felt like we’d been moving forever but I could already see the door to the outside. I wondered if Ronny would shoot me the second we got out there. I  wondered if a room full of agents were really gonna let him get away. 

Ronny stopped ad pulled me closer to him when the door suddenly opened and a guy came through. I swear everything happened so fast; one moment the new guy was just standing there looking at the two of us and the next, he’d pulled his gun and I heard it off off. There was too much shouting to think and I stumbled when I felt something hit me hard and i swear i could hear Michael shouting something at the top of his lungs but for some reason, I could barely even feel my legs. Ronnie kept me upright.

People just kept shouting ’ hold your fire, hold your fire ’ and ’ he’s been hit ’ but everything was so crazy that I couldn’t even concentrate on it all. A couple minutes later we were out the door and Ronnie was dragging me roughly across the asphalt.

When I saw another FBI guy running up to us, I was so glad, I almost wet myself, but then something that didn’t make sense happened; the FBI guy gave Ronnie some keys  and ran back the way he’d come.

That’s when i realized the FBI probably had dirty agents. I wished I could tell Michael but the world around me wasn’t making any sense and my shoulder was starting to hurt real bad. I shook my head and stumbled into a car Ronnie shoved me into.

“ Hang in there Jason.“ he said as he got into the driver’s seat beside me “I’m gonna need you alive for what we got planned.”  My head started to hurt real bad too and I couldn’t tell how long after that before the car moved and I realized for the first time that not one of those agents had rescued me.

                                                                              AUTHOR’S NOTES

THANKS FOR READING!

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Chapter 27: Anthony Thames

Chapter 27

They were officially calling it a search and rescue but I had no doubt that in their minds it had long ago graduated to a search and recovery. After all, the first forty-eight hours were crucial and we had passed that mark a while back. We had all watched as the bullet pierced him, we had seen him go down and looked on helplessly as Ronnie had dragged him away. We had all stepped past the pool of blood he had left behind on the stark white tiles, but I was the only one who refused to believe he was dead.

My dad was only humoring me with the continued search. He didn’t really believe there would be a favorable outcome. I saw the truth in his eyes every time he looked at me; pity. Soon, even his influence would run out and the searching agents would be pulled back to their desks to focus on more pressing matters.

I watched Eddie and Simon as they stood in my kitchen, voices low and faces intense as they carried on their private discussion. Every now and then one of them would glance back at me and shake his head. I knew what they thought; that there was no way he had survived after losing so much blood and even if he had, there was no way that Ronnie had cared enough to do something about it. They had given up like all the rest.

After the incident we had alerted every hospital for miles and waited with bated breath for a report of a gunshot victim matching Jason’s description coming into the ER for treatment. We had blocked roads and visited the doors of annoyed civilians who were more concerned about their privacy than they were about the fate of the only man I had ever loved.

We’d manned the phones in hopes that someone, somewhere, would have seen something. We’d staked out Timmy’s school…just in case, and I had even gone against my father’s advice and set up a reward for any information on the whereabouts of Jason and Ronnie; to no avail.

I had watched every night as the news reporters spit out story after story about Jason’s abduction and ridiculed the Bureau for allowing an amateur to escape from a building crawling with trained agents and snatching an innocent civilian in the process. I agreed with them; it shouldn’t have happened.

I’d played out different scenarios in my head about the very many ways we could have prevented it but the only thing that did was add to my guilt and give me a headache,

There was a mole in the FBI. No, moles.

Of course I knew there was always the possibility of a dirty agent in Bureau, it would be naïve to think otherwise, but to witness the corruption first hand and to see the path of destruction it had carved, wasn’t something I had ever wanted to experience.

I closed my eyes against the blinding pain of the migraine that had become a constant companion in the two weeks since I’d watched helplessly as Jason was ripped from my life. Every time I closed my eyes I saw the blood of the floor. The worst part was remembering the fear in his eyes as that bastard held the gun to his head. He’d expected me to save him.

I glanced down at his son; who was stretched out on the couch fast asleep with his head in my lap. He’d cried for his father almost every night since his first day of school. I kept telling him that Daddy had gone on a trip; that he would be back soon.

I didn’t think he believed me.

My hand shook as I ran it over my face. I couldn’t even remember if I had eaten that day. I felt like I was slowly losing my mind. I couldn’t even remember the last words I’d said to him. The tears gathered and I fought hard not to let them fall.

“Fuck.” I whispered into the silent room.

“Let me take him to bed.” I looked up at the sound of Eddie’s voice. I hadn’t even heard him move. When I nodded silently, he bent to pick up the sleeping Timmy and held him securely in his arms.

“He sleeps with me now.” I said and Eddie nodded. I watched him walk away with Jason’s kid and I felt the familiar hollowness in my chest.

If I ever find that slimy bastard I’ll kill him.

“And that’s the reason you’re not on the case.” Simon muttered from the other room. I hadn’t even realized I’d spoken out loud.

“The chief can go fuck himself.” I replied and though Simon smiled, his eyes, when they met mine, were tinged with concern.

“You’re too close to this Michael. You know protocol.” I stood and watched with narrowed eyes as Simon closed the lid of his laptop as I drew closer.

“Do you think it’s easy sitting here doing nothing all day while Jace is out there hurt?” I questioned him. His eyes fell to my fingers which I drummed impatiently against the kitchen counter. “I can help. I’ve dealt with worse.”

Simon shook his head. “We both know that’s not true.”

I took a breath. “Just…at least tell me the latest.”

“He should know exactly what we’re dealing with here. Tell him.” Eddie issued as he reentered the room and my eyes once again fixed on Simon, who sighed.

“Chapelle was found dead in his apartment this morning.”

They both watched me carefully. I frowned. “How?”

“He was shot in the head. No signs of a struggle.”

“Which means he knew his killer.” I surmised and they nodded. “It can’t be a coincidence that this happened at a time like this.”

Eddie shook his head. “He’d set up a meeting with the chief for tomorrow. Said he had some information and he was the only one he’d tell.”

I swore under my breath. “Why tomorrow? Why didn’t he get him in as soon as possible? What the fuck was he thinking?”

“Calm down Michael. It was on his terms or not at all. It was easier this way.”

I shook my head. “We just lost our only lead. Now the only thing we can confirm is that that damn rookie was was involved.” I closed my eyes and let out a breath. When I opened them, both men were watching me.

“You know what this means don’t you?” Simon asked and I nodded.

“This is bigger than just some street kid. Someone with deep pockets is protecting that little shithead and this just made it even harder to solve.” I paused. “We need to find out everything we can about Ronny—”

“What do you think we’ve been doing?” Simon questioned.

“Dig deeper.”

Eddie shook his head. “Michael, maybe it’s time to accept the fact that—”

“Maybe it’s time for you to do the fucking job I’m being prevented from doing and find Jason.” I shot back and he fell silent. “Did any of his neighbors hear or see anything?”

“No and the building has no security cameras.” This from Simon.

“And the coroner’s report?”

“We won’t hear anything until tomorrow.” Eddie chipped in.

I nodded slowly. “Alright…keep me posted.”

“What are you going to do bout Jason’s old man?” Eddie questioned before I turned away.

My brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

Eddie frowned. “Didn’t the chief tell you?” He paused when I raised a brow in question. I watched with growing unease as he glanced at Simon, who shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Jason’s dad showed up at the Bureau this afternoon. He said he saw Jason on the news, heard he’d had a kid and demanded to see Timmy. I thought the chief had told you.”

As his words sunk in, the throbbing in my head intensified.

…………………………….

I poured the batter into the waffle maker, glancing periodically at Timmy, who stood behind the counter peeling off his soaking wet shorts. He had been peeing his pants quite often recently; something he rarely did before Jason’s abduction. I chalked it up to stress.

It didn’t matter that we’d talked on countless occasions about him calling me when he felt the need to pee and the one time I had tried to put a diaper on him, he’d thrown the tantrum of a lifetime. According to him, he was a big boy.

More often than not these days he went sans clothing; which suited his ‘no cose’ philosophy just fine.

“No Timmy leave it right there.” I told him when he bent to pick up the soiled pants. He frowned up at me.

“Timmy cose dirty Micha.”

“I know I’ll take them up in a second. Just leave them there.”

“Timmy aw wet.” He continued, then squatted to investigate the clothes. I watched as he poked at it while sneaking little glances my way, and I shook my head when he picked it up from the floor and stood.

I plugged out the waffle maker and wiped my hands on the dishcloth by the sink. “Alright come on kid.” I scooped him up along with his dirty laundry and tossed him over my shoulder. His accompanying giggles made me smile as we trudged up the stairs and into the bathroom.

“An Liam pay wif all the toys Micha, all the toys an an an he say yes Timmy.”

I nodded at all the right pauses and encouraged him to continue his confusing story as I scrubbed him clean in the tub of water.

“An Liam say pease and tank you.”

“That’s great. It’s good to say please and thank you. Sounds like he’s a very polite little boy.”

Timmy nodded. “Timmy say pease.”

I smiled. “I know you do and that’s great. What about thank you?”

“No. Timmy say pease.”

“But saying both please and thank you is important don’t you think?”

“I no no.” He submerged Bunny underwater and changed the subject when Bunny safely resurfaced. “ Liam haf kin weally back.“

“Hmm?”

“Liam kin” he pinched the skin of his arm between his thumb and forefinger. “Liam kin back.”

“Oh, he has black skin. Yes he does. He has beautiful black skin doesn’t he?”

Timmy nodded. “Like baby.” He picked up his ebony skinned doll which had been floating in the tub and waved it at me.“

“Yup, just like baby.”

“Timmy kin buful Micha?”

I smiled. “Yeah your skin’s beautiful too.”

“An daddy kin?”

I froze waiting for his reaction at the thought of his father, but none came. He simply watched me expectantly and I release a slow breath. “Yup his skin is beautiful too.”

“An Bunny?”

“Yup and Bunny and everyone in the world. We all have beautiful skin, with different shades and colors. Don’t you think that’s amazing?”

“An Poppy kin?”

I chuckled. “Yes and Poppy and Grandma.”

He nodded, finally satisfied. I dumped the pitcher of water over his head and he spluttered and giggled. “Again!”

“Nope.” I lifted him out of the tub and wrapped him in a towel. “We have to stop at Grandma’s house before school remember? We don’t wanna be late.”

“No Micha, Timmy unpug it!” he pointed to the soapy water and I leaned over so he could remove the stopper. He had a strange fascination with watching the swirling water drain from the tub. On a normal day, I would have whiled away the time with him, but if he was late for school for the third time this week my mother would have my head. I patted him dry, set him down on the floor and handed him a bottle of baby lotion.

“Go sit on the bed. I’m coming.” I instructed, then as an afterthought, “and no peeing.”

I quickly wrung out Bunny and pinned him to the shower rack to dry until I had the chance to throw it into the dryer and deposited ‘Baby’ beside it. Bunny wouldn’t make it to school with him today. He would find out later and hopefully the teachers wouldn’t have too much of a hard time with his inevitable meltdown.

“Micha was dis?” Timmy called from my bedroom.

“What’s what?”

“Dis!” I poked my head into the room and shook my head. The kid was of course roaming through my drawers in search of God knew what. Half the contents of the drawer in question was scattered across the floor. He held up the old pocket watch I’d inherited from my grandfather upon his death.

“Timmy why can’t you stay put for one minute?”

“I no no.” he issued in what seemed to be genuine confusion, and I pointed to the bed. He went without question; the pocket watch still clutched between his tiny fingers.

“You’re going to have to put all of that back in the drawers after school okay? You made the mess so it’s your responsibility to clean it up.” He glanced at the floor where he had strewn all my clothes and I scooped him up and resettled him on the bed just before his tiny feet could touch the floor in his attempt to climb off.

“You can do it when you get home after school.” I squirted the baby lotion into my hands.

“Micha was dis?”

“It’s called a pocket watch. If you push the button at the bottom, the lid will open and you’ll be able to see the time.”

As I applied the lotion to his legs I watched him fiddle with it until finally, the lid flipped open. He looked at in in amazement.

“It doesn’t work anymore though. Maybe one day I’ll take it to a jeweler to see if they can fix it.”

“Why no werk Micha?” He frowned.

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s because it’s very old.” I told him. “My grandfather left it for me. I was told he got it from his father.”

He surrendered one of his arms in favor of my ministrations and continued to gaze at his newfound treasure. “Was gwamfamur Micha?”

It took me a second to understand what he meant and I grinned. “Grandfather is like Poppy.”

His frowned. “No Poppy for Timmy.”

I laughed. “Of that I have no doubt but…how do I explain this” I considered. “Okay so my grandfather is my dad’s dad. Do you get it now?”

Timmy’s frown cleared and my brows furrowed when he calmly set down the pocket watch beside him. When his eyes met mine I was staggered by the clarity I saw in them.

“Daddy no come back Micha.” The words were uttered in a manner ill-befitting him; calm and confident with no hint of uncertainty.

For a moment, I just stared at him, unable to respond, then I took a deep breath. “Of course Daddy’s coming back. I told you—”

“No.” Timmy shook his head. “Daddy no come back. Daddy ah gone now.” He said firmly, then picked up the pocket watch and continued his observation. There were no tears, no trembling lips; nothing. He was like a scientist delivering his findings; cool, calm, collected and based on nothing but facts.

Facts. I felt the emotion descend without warning. It was like a wave crashing over me along with a painful clenching in my chest and suddenly my head felt light. The lotion bottle fell from my trembling fingers and a second later my knees buckled and hit the floor. My elbows came to rest on the bed by Timmy’s feet and I buried my face in my hands. Later, I would wonder why his words had affected me to such a degree and I would find that it wasn’t the words themselves, but the speaker, who, in that moment, shattered me beyond anything I could have ever imagined.

I watched him through my fingers as he played with the timepiece, and for the first time since Jason’s abduction, I felt fear so all-encompassing that it threatened to become my undoing, because of all the people in the world, it was Timmy, who had, in just the span of a few seconds, planted the first seed of unforgiving doubt in my mind.

It was little Timmy, with his eyes filled with clarity and his words spoken with confidence, who made me wonder for just a second if the only person I had ever loved had really left us behind. I felt the tears that I had tried so long to keep at bay build and spill over onto my cheeks.

I thought briefly about being strong for Timmy and in that moment and for the first time, I felt a spike of resentment toward him; a child.

Why did I need to be strong for him? Why did I have to shield him from the horrors of the world when with a mere few words he had shattered every strip of confidence I had and left me quaking with fear and broken on the ground.

For weeks I had seen the looks on the faces of my colleagues. I had heard their whispered conversations, their written reports and endless statistics. Yet, it was Jason’s child; the one person closer to him that I, who had broken through my carefully laid barriers.

“He’s coming back.” I told the child, voice shaking and face awash with tears. He looked at me, then just as quickly, his bottom lip began to tremble and he discarded the pocket watch. “I’m going to find him and bring him home.” I whispered.

A moment later I felt tiny arms wrap around my neck. “No cwy Micha.” Timmy comforted and I wrapped my arms around him and let out all the pent up emotions I had stored deep inside me. I sobbed out of fear of never seeing Jason again. I sobbed out of grief for the time we had already spent apart. I sobbed out of regret for not having done a thing to save him when I’d had the chance and I sobbed out of shame for the brief moment of resentment I had felt toward his child, who now held me tightly against him. I sobbed for this moment of weakness and I sobbed even harder when Timmy patted my back and told me once more; “No cwy Micha,” even as his own tears stained the back of my shirt.

I didn’t know how long we stayed like that; wrapped in each other’s arms but even after there were no tears left to cry, we still held each other, waiting, I suppose for some semblance of order to once again descend on our lives.

Timmy was the first to pull away. I wiped my eyes with the back of my sleeve and stood to retrieve some tissue from the box on the nightstand to wipe his face.

“I’m sorry Timmy. Are you okay?”

Timmy nodded, looking up at me with his big watery eyes and his bottom lip jutting out. “Micha Timmy haf tea pease?”

I realized that kids had the potential to educate. There was so much I had learned from him in the time I had known him, but right then I learned that despite his age, he was good at keeping his emotions bottled up too. Here was a kid who genuinely believed his father wasn’t coming back and some days he cried, but on the days that he didn’t where did all the feelings go? He was too young to be dealing with any of it and it wasn’t fair that I had let him see me break.

He needed strength because he was too young to hold himself up. I was the adult and I should have known better. I pulled on his clothes and lifted him into my arms. He rested his head on my shoulder; my grandfather’s pocket watch still clutched in his tiny fist.

After all that he wanted tea. What he taught me in that moment was that no matter the outcome of all this, the world was still going to go on. People still had bills to pay and errands to run. People were going to continue laughing and going to the grocery store on the weekends and Timmy was still a child in need of care.

It didn’t matter that the man I loved was missing. It didn’t matter that he might even be dead, because life was going to go on. If not for the fact that I held Jason’s child in my arms, that thought alone would have paralyzed me.

……………………………………………..

“Gwammy!” Timmy squealed when he saw my mother and I let him wiggle out of my arms.

“Well hello my sweet boy!” she crouched down and opened her arms wide in welcome. Timmy bolted into them; hugging her as if he hadn’t seen her in years. “I’ve missed you so much sweetheart. How are you?” she asked before placing a kiss on his cheek. Timmy giggled.

“Look.” He pulled away to show her the pocket watch that he certainly would not be taking to school with him and she oohed and aahed in encouragement.

When she glanced up at me she was smiling, but in an instant I watched as it melted off her face and her twinkling eyes became tinged with concern. She glanced down at Timmy. “Listen sweetheart, Grandma left a nice little present for you on the couch, why don’t you go open it and see what’s inside?” she turned him to the direction of the family room and he ran from the room without further encouragement.

When she stood, I braced myself for whatever lecture was coming, but she surprised me by resting a hand against my cheek. “Michael what’s wrong?” she asked softly and I wondered if it was that obvious that I wasn’t handling things as well as I should have. She shook her head when I didn’t respond. “That was ridiculous of me to ask.”

“No, mom it’s fine.: I took her hand from my cheek and held it for a second before letting it fall. “I’m fine.”

“No you’re not sweetie. You look like you haven’t slept in days. You’ve lost so much weight I’m surprised your clothes still fit you. You don’t look fine Michael.”

“Your mother’s right.” I looked past her to see my dad standing in the doorway of his study. “Your mother and I have talked about this and we think you and Timmy should come stay here with us for awhile.”

I was shaking my head before he’d even finished his sentence. “If Jace gets away, home is the first place he’ll go. I can’t leave.”

He nodded. “Then we’ll come stay with you. I don’t like the look of you boy. You look sick.”

“I’m fine dad, just a bit tired is all and I appreciate it, really, but Timmy and I will be fine.” I would be lying if I said the thought of having my parents at the house didn’t comfort me, but with them there it would be harder to pretend to myself that Jason was simply gone on a trip and would be back soon. With them there, everything would feel real and I wasn’t really to deal with that. I probably never would be.

“Gwammy Timmy no open it!” The kid shouted from the family room.

Dad gestured to his study. “Come here, let’s talk for a minute.” A look that I had no chance of deciphering passed between my parents and with a nod my mom left to go see to Timmy. I followed my dad into his study and shut the door behind me.

The room was uncharacteristically messy; papers were strewn about and files were stacked high on his desk. The blinds which were usually open to allow warm sunlight were drawn and the small bin the corner of his study was filled and overflowing with crushed paper.

“Looks like you’re working on something pretty important.” I commented as I removed a stack of paper from the only other chair in the room besides his and deposited it onto the floor by my feet.

“Yeah your boyfriend’s case.” He sat with a sigh and I watched as he rubbed a hand over his face.

“Found anything interesting?” I asked, already knowing the answer; I was too close to this and as such the case would not be discussed with me.

Dad looked at me; his eyes intent upon mine. “I know you’re working with Nate and John on this. I also know you’ve been getting information from agents despite my warning.”

I opened my mouth to respond and closed it again when he held up a hand. He then reached across the desk, picked up three large files and handed them to me. I took them with caution; brows furrowed. “What’s this?”

“It’s everything we have on the case so far. If you’re going to look into this anyway, we might as well be on the same page.” He said.

“Why the sudden change of heart?” I had to ask because the chief was nothing if not a stickler for the rules.

“You might have fooled the world but I know you and you’re not handling this well. You’re cracking and your mother knows it too. I thought it would be best if you focused on the kid instead of the case but maybe I was wrong.” He watched me in silence for a second before he continued, “If helping with this case is helps you then I’ll provide you with whatever you need.”

I nodded slowly; grateful, but unable to say the words. Dad gestured to the files in my hands. “Those are copies so you can do with them what you will…within reason of course.”

“Of course. Thanks dad.”

He waved it off. “You probably heard by now that a man claiming to be Jason’s father showed up at the Bureau yesterday demanding to see Timmy.”

I nodded. “Does he know I have him?”

“He doesn’t but it won’t be hard for him to find out.” He said. “From what you’ve told me about the son of a bitch, I don’t want him anywhere near my grandson.”

“Good. We can handle this.”

“If he’s desperate enough and I’ve got a feeling he is, he’ll go through the Courts to get the kid and if he can prove he’s Timmy’s family then there’s a strong chance they’ll give him at least temporary custody until Jason’s found.”

“We can’t let that happen.” I told him and he nodded.

“No we can’t. I invited him to visit the Bureau this afternoon to discuss Jason. We’re having the meeting in one of the interrogation rooms.”

“I want to talk to him.” I said.

“Good and if you can’t get him to outright confess to beating on that poor boy then find some other legal means of discrediting him in there because he’s not laying a finger on Timmy.”

I stood, files in hand. “You okay taking Timmy to school this morning?”

“We’re good here. You go do what you have to do.”

After I said my goodbyes to Timmy I deposited the files in the trunk of my car and backed out of the driveway. First stop; Simon. I needed to get everything I could find on Jason’s dad and I had four hours to learn it all before I finally met the bastard.

……………………………………………

Anthony Thames was a man who looked like he’d lived most of his life buried at the bottom of a cheap bottle of liquor. He looked far older than his years, though the thinning mustache he sported probably added a great deal to that appearance. The curling hair that ended at the nape of his neck was more grey than black and his weathered hands shook as he took a sip from the cup of water.

His eyes, which were the same color as Jason’s looked tired and his voice, when he spoke, rasped like that of a chronic pack-a-day smoker.

I tapped on the cover of his small file and his eyes followed the movement. I had learned that he had worked with the police department for seventeen years before he’d resigned; citing health issues as the reason for his abrupt departure. My sources however, were happy to divulge that he had been forced to resign by the higher ups as a result of his alcoholism, which, coupled with his temper, had made him next to impossible to work with.

I had further learned from a once close friend of his that it wasn’t until his wife had threatened to file for a divorce three years prior that he had started his AA meetings and had been a regular member ever since.

He was a man trying to turn his life around according to said friend. I called bullshit. I could smell the cheap whiskey on his breath and something told me that he was just jonesing for more. I made a mental note to have Nate put one of his guys on him; one picture of him losing his senses in a bottle of rum and his case would be halfway on its way to dust.

I looked the bastard up and down as he fidgeted in his seat. This was Jason’s father. This was the man who was trying to take Timmy away from me. I grinned. There was no fucking chance in hell that that was happening.

“So did you guys find my grandson yet? Is that why you called me back here?”

I regarded him for a moment. “Did you drive here Mr. Thames?”

His brows furrowed. “Yeah, why?”

I made another mental note to have one of the guys give him a Breath Alcohol Test before he left the building. “Tell me about your son.”

He shrugged. “His name’s Jason, he’s my kid. What else is there to tell?”

“We’d just like to verify that you are who you say you are.”

“Well if it’s proof you want, that’s easy. I can take a DNA test if that’ll settle things.”

I nodded. “Jason ran away from home when he was younger didn’t he?”

He nodded. “Yeah it’s been a few years now since we lost him so you can imagine how happy we were hearing about him on the news.”

I cocked my head to the side. “You were happy hearing that your son was shot and abducted?”

His eyes bulged and he expelled a few halfhearted coughs. “No of course not. It was just good to hear something about him after all these years. Of course it’s terrible what happened. Of course I’m devastated about it and then when I heard he had a kid, my first priority was the kid of course.” He quickly explained.

“Of course. It’s strange though. I’m pretty sure the news reports never mentioned anything about a child.”

He shrugged. “You must have missed it. It was definitely on the news. Where else would I have heard about it?”

No. I thought to myself. It definitely hadn’t been on the news.

“Do you have any idea what the child looks like?”

“No. No idea.”

“What about a name?”

“Ah. No, I don’t. I don’t know anything other than that it’s a boy.”

“Do you remember the last time you saw Jason?”

“Yeah.” He said with not an ounce of hesitation. “Last I saw that boy was the morning before he disappeared all those years ago. He’s a runaway.”

“What was your relationship with your son like?”

He cleared his throat. “Oh you know, it was just like any father-son relationship. We were a happy family.”

I tapped his file again. “What I’m trying to understand is why it took you two months before you reported him missing all those years ago.”

He let out a breathy, nervous laugh. “That kid was always running away back then. You know how kids are. I thought he was playing one of his usual tricks and then when I realized he wasn’t coming back I filed a report.”

“You think a full two months was an appropriate amount of time for you to wait before reporting your child missing?” I kept my tone light.

“When you’ve got a troublemaker like Jason was, two months was nothing. Like I said, he ran away all the time.”

“And why is that? You said you had a good relationship. You said you were a happy family so why would he keep running away like that?”

He shrugged. “That’s just what boys do. They make trouble.” He offered. “What is this anyway? An interrogation? Where’s my grandson.”

“I’m just trying to understand the situation. The more facts we have the better chance we have of sorting this whole thing out.”

He nodded, convinced, at least for the moment.

“I hear you were a cop.” I said and he smiled for the first time since entering the building.

“Yeah I was. Seventeen years I was on the force.”

“Oh yeah? Must have been a tough decision to leave. What are you up to these days?”

His smile slipped and he sighed. “It wasn’t easy but when it comes to your health you can’t joke around you know? I’m mostly retired now; taking it easy.”

I plastered on a smile and nodded. “And your wife? Is she here? I imagine she’d like to help us in doing whatever we can to find Jason.”

His expression shuttered and my eyes narrowed. “She couldn’t make it in today.”

“I see. Maybe next time then.” I continued, and though he managed to force a small smile, he refused to say more. It seemed we had stumbled upon the weak link.

I wanted to see his temper. I wanted to watch him lose it in this confined space where multiple devices monitored his every word and action and I already knew the ways I could draw it out of him. I had no doubt in my mind that I could find the perfect buttons to push to get the right reaction, but I first needed to cover all my bases. I needed everything I could possibly dig up on him to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that he had abused his son in the past and it seemed the best path to take following this interview, was the mother.

Once I was able to get her to admit to his mistreatment of Jason then everything else was up in the air. Whatever hurdles came after that, I would battle through them as I did everything else.

I stood to go and he watched me in clear surprise.

“You haven’t told me anything about my grandson. Have you at least found him?”

“You’ll know more when we know more.” I said and stepped out of the room. My dad would take it from there. I had to pick Timmy up from school and swing by Nate and John’s office to drop off the case files I’d received from the chief. I instructed an agent to administer the Breath Alcohol Test and called Nate to arrange for one of his investigators to trail Jason’s old man; hopefully before he left the Bureau.

I had about twenty minutes to kill so I pulled the file Simon had handed me earlier and sat in my car. It made me nervous just thinking about how big this case really was now that the rookie agent had been killed. As I browsed through his file I wondered who the top players were and just how Ronny had found himself involved with them. I wondered what exactly it was that they were after that they would plant moles in the FBI and go through all the trouble to break a street rat like Ronny out.

What exactly was it that this rookie agent had planned to tell the chief. The file so far wasn’t very helpful. The investigation was still ongoing but so far there were no traces of evidence linking anyone to the scene. Whoever killed him knew exactly what they were doing. The next step was to research this man’s life. I wanted to know everyone he’d met with for the past six months if possible; no matter how seemingly trivial. I scribbled a note on one of the pages in the file; I needed to meet with Dave again soon; I had a sneaking suspicion he hadn’t told us all he knew.

I continued flipping through the file until I came upon a picture of Chappelle. “Just what did you get yourself caught up in Chappelle and what the hell is going on?” I whispered to myself. The brief stuttering of the AC was the only response I received.

…………………………………………………

“Look at that small one over there.” I was too tired to even point to any of the glowing stars on the ceiling of my bedroom. “Do you see it?” I whispered drowsily.

“Yes an all da staws.” he whispered back and I think I felt him shift slightly on the bed beside me.

“Maybe we should paste other things up there; maybe the solar system. We could teach you all about the planets.” I yawned and finally my eyes drifted shut.

“Micha was panets?”

“I donno Timmy.”

…………………………………………………..

It was the sound of my phone that woke me. I glanced at the clock before I reached across to the nightstand to pick it up.

3:00 a.m.

“O’Connolly.” I answered automatically and was startled into full awareness by the voice on the line.

“Michael?”

The air whooshed out of my lungs and I had a hard time catching my breath.

“Michael are you there?” the caller’s frantic voice broke through the silence once more.

“Jason? Jesus Christ. Jason baby, is that you?”

I heard a half sob and a sniffle. “Yeah its me Michael I missed you so much. You don’t even know. Where’s Timmy, is he okay?”

“I… yes, he’s okay. He’s sleeping. I… Where are you Jace? I’ll come get you right now.” I said, hopping out of bed too quickly to pull on a pair of pants. My hands were shaking so hard that I had to fight to get it up past my hips.

“Thank God. Thank God.” He whispered over and over. “I need you to look for me okay Michael? Please. Please look for me okay?” I could tell he was crying; his muffled sobs slightly distorting his words.

“We’re all looking for you baby, but tell me where you are. Do you know? Is there anything around that you can identify?”

I put the phone on speaker and placed it carefully on the bed, before wrapping a blanket around the sleeping Timmy and lifting him into my arms.

“I… there’s a—”

I placed the phone to my ear. “There’s a what? Where are you Jace?” I quickly exited the room and made my way down the stairs.

“Someone’s coming.” He hissed into the phone and I cursed viciously under my breath.

“Where are you?” I shouted the words, jolting Timmy awake.

I heard another sob on the other line. “Don’t trust the FBI Michael. Don’t trust anybody.”

I heard an unfamiliar shout on his end and then the sound of something scraping against concrete. “Jace? Jace?” I called out, grabbing my car keys from the stand.

“Please don’t trust them.” He begged and then the line went dead.

I stood frozen in the doorway, staring down at the phone in shock.

                                                                    AUTHOR’S NOTES

Wow. It’s been awhile.This has been a long and lonely year without Wattpad in my life. During the time that I have been away, I have had the opportunity to read many of your comments, emails and messages. You are all truly amazing. I’ve missed you.My love for writing and interacting with you has pushed me to make the huge decision to take a six (6) month leave of absence from my hectic job to pursue my first passion: WRITING.Now that I have no distractions and nothing holding me back, I am happy to announce that I will be continuing my journey on Wattpad FULL-TIME!!! I am so excited to share new chapters with you.Thank you for your patience!⭐️ For updates, sneak peeks and more, check out my Instagram: doublezone_books ⭐️

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Chapter 28: Little Timmy

Chapter 28

Little Timmy woke up in a good mood. Even the stars pasted on the ceiling looked bigger, and it was all thanks to the big red bunny he had dreamt of the night before. It was just the softest and biggest red bunny he had ever seen; bigger even, than his own bunny, which really wasn’t very big to begin with, and of course, it was bigger than Baby, his ebony skinned doll, who was smaller than his own Bunny.

So Timmy was happy because he was sure that no one, not even Micha and certainly not Liam, had ever seen a bunny quite so big and quite so red. He hummed to himself as he lay there in bed, looking up at the pretty stars on the ceiling. He liked them better when it was dark, because then they were bright and they made him happy.

“The staws no haf light Micha.” Timmy whispered, knowing full well that Micha was fast sleep beside him, but feeling that it was necessary to let him know nonetheless. He couldn’t understand why the stars, which were bright and beautiful at night, had not an ounce of light during the day. It confused him, and though he had asked Micha and his daddy on more than one occasion, nothing they said made him understand it any better.

If they had light at night, then they should have light in the day. Even as Little Timmy debated this in his mind, images of the red bunny popped up and pulled him away from his all too important thoughts. It had been the best red bunny he had ever seen and he wanted to go to school so he could tell Liam all about it.

Liam, he was sure, would be so excited by the news. After all, Liam loved bunnies almost as much as Timmy did but all Liam had to play with, was a bear that didn’t even have big floppy ears. In Timmy’s small and innocent world, it was a tragedy.

“Wed bunny, wed bunny, wed bunny.” He sang quietly as he looked up at the stars. He stuck his feet into the air and noticed, for the first time since waking, that he was wearing clothes. He frowned, before promptly pulling them all off his body. When he was done, he rolled them up into balls just the way he had seen Micha do it, but with nowhere to keep them, he dropped them onto the floor by the bed.

He then stretched out again on his back, this time feeling much better and less itchy. He once again stuck his little feet into the air and touched his toes with his fingers. He wondered if the red bunny was just as soft as his own bunny. He glanced at his long time friend and considered, then considered some more, until he finally reached across and picked him up. He tested his bunny by squeezing his fat, furry belly, then he closed his eyes and scrunched up his nose to think.

After a while, he came up with his answer; red bunny was softer than his own bunny. Little Timmy was impressed.

He then glanced at Micha, who was still deep in sleep, and after but a moment’s consideration, he rolled and rolled until he was pressed up against Micha’s side. He closed his eyes tight and held very still so that Micha wouldn’t wake up, because if Micha woke up, he would brush Timmy’s teeth and Little Timmy didn’t want anything to ruin his happy morning.

Satisfied that Micha was still dreaming, he climbed carefully onto Micha’s back and lay there, pressing his fat cheek against the nape of his neck. This time, it took him but a moment to find his answer; Micha was much warmer than red bunny.

This realization did nothing to dissuade Timmy from his interest however, because he had long ago discovered that the people who gave the best hugs were a whole lot warmer than normal. Eventually, red bunny would get warmer. He sat up in Micha’s back and reached out with his tiny hands to grab Bunny and Baby off the blanket, then he tucked them carefully under his arm and slid off Micha and onto the floor below.

He made sure to be extra quiet as he ran across the room and took great care when closing the bedroom door behind him. Out in the hallway, he shifted his friends in his hands, so that he held Baby in one and Bunny in the other. Together, they made their way slowly but steadily down the stairs and into the kitchen.

One very important thing Little Timmy had learned about the kitchen, was that in order to reach the sink, you had to find a way to drag the stool over to the other side of the counter. Luckily, Timmy had long ago mastered the art. Without hesitation, he deposited Bunny and Baby onto the floor and proceeded to do just that.

The very tip of his tongue was pushed against the corner of his mouth as he concentrated on his task. He pushed with all his might, pausing only when he reached the bend and was forced to adjust his grip to get the stool to the finish line. When it was finally in position, Timmy grabbed Bunny and Baby from where he had left them on the floor, and climbed onto the stool.

He secured the stopper in the sink, turned on the water and threw his friends in. He loved baths and so did they. “Bunny an Baby dirty.” He told them, then swirled his hand around and around in the water as the sink began to fill.

“Wader hot Bunny.” He explained to his friend, and after growing tired of waiting for the water to reach to the top, he climbed down from the stool and pulled open the refrigerator door. He immediately reached for the bag of grapes that he had seen Micha place inside just the night before, and hugged it to his chest as he made his way out of the kitchen and into the family room.

He switched on the television and settled in to watch his morning cartoons. Every few minutes or so, Timmy would glance over to the wall by the fireplace to check on the small spider that had taken up residence there only days before. It didn’t move around much, but that didn’t stop him from keeping an eye on it just incase, and the moment it took a step outside of it’s little web, he was going to tell Micha.

Fun Fact: Little Timmy was afraid of spiders…and so was Bunny.

He pulled one of the grapes out of the bag and popped it into his mouth, then used the back of his hand to wipe away the juices that had run down his chin. His eyes focused on the television screen, where a talking yellow sponge who lived under the sea with his starfish companion, were at play. It wasn’t his favorite cartoon, but Micha and his daddy could tell you it was certainly in his top five. They could also tell you just how many sponges they had lost because Timmy had tried to ‘save them’ by dropping them into any pool of water he could find; which most times turned out to be the toilet.

By the time his cartoon had ended, Timmy had had his fill of grapes, so he climbed down from the couch with the bag in hand and made his way back to the kitchen. The first thing he noticed upon arrival, was that the kitchen floor was wet, but he thought nothing of it as he deposited the bag of grapes into the fridge.

The second thing he noticed, was that water was running down the side of the counter. Imagine a healthy looking waterfall, then imagine Timmy’s growing excitement at the sight of it. He stood on his tippy toes to see if he could spot Bunny and Baby in the sink, but all he could see was the water still running from the pipe.

He did what any healthy toddler would. He ran over to the counter and stood under the waterfall in a fit of giggles. Timmy was having the time of his life. The water wet his hair and his back and trickled down his naked body until it hit the ground at his feet. He jumped up and down in the water, loving the feel and sound of it under his feet.

He couldn’t say exactly how long he played in the water because Timmy, bless his soul, didn’t yet understand the concept of time, but by the time he grew bored of his game the kitchen had been completely flooded and the water had already slowly begun to make its way into the family room.

Timmy climbed up onto the stool and dipped his two hands into the kitchen sink; loving the feel of them under the water. First, he pulled out Bunny, whom he deposited safely onto the wet counter and then he pulled out Baby, whose previously curly hair lay straight down her back. He also set her aside carefully on the wet counter.

Finally, he reached across and turned off the tap, before grabbing his friends and carefully climbing down from the stool. Once he reentered the family room, he found the nearest drapes and wiped his wet feet in the very corner of them. He took extra care not to get too much of the drapes wet, because he had to leave some for Micha, who may need to wipe his feet as well after he stepped into the water. Micha was of course, bigger than he was.

He watched at least half an episode of another cartoon before he and his friends made their way back upstairs to see if Micha was awake. He wanted some milk and he didn’t know how to make it.

Micha was still asleep when he entered the bedroom, but the moment he deposited Bunny and Baby onto Micha’s back, he stirred.

“Timmy?” he said.

“Micha Timmy haf miwk pease?”

“Please tell me you didn’t pee your pants and put the wet clothes on my back.” Micha was saying, but it didn’t make a lot of sense, so Timmy repeated his previous question.

“Timmy haf miwk pease Micha?”

Micha sighed and pushed up slowly off the bed. They both watched as Bunny and Baby fell to the floor. Micha looked first at the toys, then at Timmy.

“Where’s your clothes?” he asked. “Did you pee?”

“No.” was all he said, before running around to the other side of the bed and picking up his dry clothing and handing them over.

Micha smiled at the clothes, but frowned at Timmy. “Why is your hair wet?” he asked and Timmy gave him the obvious answer.

“Wader wet Micha.”

Micha picked up Bunny and carried it to the bathroom where he promptly wrung it dry in the sink. Timmy watched in silence as he then hung Bunny on a rack to dry.

“Your turn, come on.” Micha announced, before lifting Timmy into the tub. And so their morning began.

…………………………

It wasn’t that Timmy hated clothes per se. In fact, he thought they were kind of interesting. He liked how soft they felt when he ran his hands over the fabric, and most of the time he liked the pretty colors they had. Even more importantly, he liked that some of them had his favorite cartoon friends on them, so no, Timmy didn’t hate clothes, he just hated wearing them.

Timmy liked to spread his arms really wide and stick his feet into the air and run and jump and lie flat on his back, and in his two year old mind, clothes prevented that. Clothes were like when Micha didn’t put enough cheese on his macaroni and cheese; it just didn’t make sense, and to make matters worse, clothes were itchy.

He especially hated when his clothes had those scratchy tags in the back. He didn’t really understand what they were and even though his daddy and Micha had gotten rid of them all, just the thought alone of what had once been there was enough to dissuade him. Clothes were a big no no.

Therefore, walking fully dressed down the stairs with Micha that morning had gone a long way in putting a damper on Timmy’s happy mood. He had spent the better part of twenty minutes debating with Micha about the unnecessariness of clothes. For the most part the argument went like this;

“No close Micha”

“You have to wear clothes, you’re going to school.”

“No. Timmy no wear no cose.”

“Why not?”

“Cause, no cose.”

Timmy believed wholeheartedly that his argument was solid, but Micha, he had learned, was getting tougher to crack. Micha held onto his hand as they descended the staircase, telling him something about being a good boy for the teachers and for his Gwammy and Poppy. Timmy listened to his words with half his focus and it wasn’t because he didn’t like the sound of Micha’s voice on occasion, but it was more because Timmy could only keep so much in his mind at once. He tended to prefer storing only the most important things in his head; like the red bunny, for instance.

He had asked Micha to get him a red bunny during his bath time, but Micha hadn’t said yes and he wasn’t exactly sure why. After all, he had spent a great deal of his bath time explaining to Micha just how great red bunny was. He’d told Micha that he was warm, big, soft and the best part; red. Who wouldn’t say yes to that?

He wondered if Micha didn’t say yes because Micha was sad. These days Micha didn’t smile at Timmy as much as he used to and when he did, it didn’t last very long. Having a red bunny in the house would make Micha smile; he had no doubt, but mostly, Timmy just wanted red bunny for himself, because in his dream, red bunny had been almost as fun as his own Bunny.

These thoughts and more swirled around in Timmy’s young mind as they descended the staircase, only to be interrupted when they both stepped into the puddle of water by the foot of the stairs. Timmy noticed that the water had spread from the kitchen to the family room, and he was particularly interested in standing on the now wet carpet with his bare toes; just to see how it would feel.

Beside him, Micha placed his hands on his hips, tilted his head toward the ceiling and closed his eyes. Timmy watched him, wondering if Micha was thinking about doing the same thing. He grinned, excited by the prospect, but when he moved with the intention of testing it out, Micha plucked him off the ground.

“What am I going to do with you Timmy?” he asked.

“I no know.” He replied, and after taking a very deep breath, Micha walked the short distance to the couch, where he deposited him with a warning.

“Don’t move.” He said firmly and Timmy frowned. There was all that water, just waiting for him to play in and Micha wanted him to stay on the couch. Sometimes Little Timmy found it particularly difficult to relate to people bigger than he was.

He placed two fingers into his mouth and sucked as he thought about his next plan of action, but when he made the mistake of glancing at the television, it drew him in, and all plans to disobey Micha went out the door.

Minutes had passed before Micha returned with his milk. “Here you go, your highness.” He said, handing it to Timmy along with a napkin. “I’m going to clean this up so you have to stay on the couch, got it?” Timmy nodded. “If you want something just call for me.” He told him and once again departed.

Timmy watched as Micha left, only to return moments later with a bucket and a mop.

“Why you haf wipe Micha?” he asked in dismay, but Micha ignored him.

The interesting thing about toddlers was that ignoring them was next to impossible, and so Timmy repeated the question again and again until Micha, with a sigh gave him his answer.

“Because floors aren’t meant to be wet Timmy.” He said. “This is not okay. If you want to wash your Bunny, you need to tell me first, you can’t just go playing in the water.”

Timmy was finally starting to realize that Micha may have been a tiny bit upset with him, but truth be told, if Timmy could do it all again, he would, because even though Micha said no, Timmy did not yet understand why.

As Micha wiped, Timmy eventually grew tired of watching him and instead, focused all his attention on the television screen, where talking fruits were speaking to him.

One important thing to note about Little Timmy, was that he knew how to count all the way up to twenty, he knew all his ABC’s, he knew a thing or two about shapes and colors were easy. The cartoon that he sat watching while he sipped his warm milk was trying to teach him the things he already knew, so of course, he was going to shout the answers at the top of his lungs whenever the talking fruits asked a question.

Picture Little Timmy lounging on the couch with his cup of milk in hand, belting out the answers to all the questions while Micha mopped the floors.

Unbeknownst to Timmy, Micha was not pleased. As he mopped up the water, he glanced over at Timmy, who was curled comfortably in the couch, and frowned. “If Jason was here you’d be in so much trouble.” He mumbled under his breath, too low for the little prince to hear him.

……………………………….

Timmy loved going to Gwammy and Poppy’s house. They gave the best kisses, the biggest smiles and the tastiest snacks, but more importantly, their house ALWAYS smelled like cookies and Timmy’s all-time favorite snacks were cookies. There was just something about the way Gwammy made them that just made his taste buds dance and Timmy was hooked.

He ran straight to the kitchen the moment he entered their house, knowing exactly where Gwammy kept them. He pulled out three. One for now, one for later and one for Liam. He stuffed two into his pockets and immediately began to chew on the other.

When Poppy entered the kitchen, that was how he found him; sitting on a stool, munching away at a large chocolate chip cookie. “I should have known.” Poppy said and Timmy treated him to his best and biggest smile.

“You better hurry up and finish that before Grandma catches you.” He said and Timmy took a big bite.

Poppy took the seat directly across from Timmy and took a sip of his tea. He called it coffee and though Timmy loved the smell of it, Poppy would never let him have any, so Timmy had long ago stopped asking.

“Poppy, need haf wed Bunny pease?” he asked when he had taken his last bite.

“What are you saying kid?” Poppy questioned and Timmy propped his chin in his hand. The thing with Poppy, was that he needed extra care and attention. Timmy often found himself having to repeat his words again and again where Poppy was concerned, and though at times it flustered him, this time, Timmy had no problem being patient. After all, this was important.

“Wed Bunny. I dweam it, Poppy.”

Poppy looked at him for a long time, brows furrowed, eyes narrowed, until finally, he shook his head. “Lets wait ’till Grandma comes so she can work out your gibberish.”

He loved Poppy, but Poppy was a special case. At two years old, Timmy had already come to that conclusion, so they waited for Gwammy, who was far easier at having conversations with.

“Diana-Marie!” Poppy called out when they heard Gwammy shuffling around in the other room. A moment later, Gwammy popped around the corner and came into the kitchen with a bright smile.

Timmy giggled when she gave him kisses on his neck and threatened to eat him up. “Gwammy lif.” He demanded, and as expected, she lifted him up into her arms and hugged his close.

Gwammy was like mac and cheese; warm and gooey and perfect. Timmy loved being in her arms.

“Tell her what you told me.” Poppy directed, and Timmy decided to start from the beginning. He told her his dream from start to finish and ensured that he explained to her just how extraordinary red bunny was. By the time he was done, Gwammy was impressed and Timmy was satisfied.

“Wow!” she exclaimed. “That sounds like an amazing red bunny.” She told him and he beamed.

“Timmy haf wed bunny?”

“But what about the bunny you have now? Don’t you like it anymore?”

“I haf wed bunny an Bunny an Baby.” He explained.

She nodded in understanding. “Ah, I see. Well tell you what, if you promise to be a good little boy, I’ll look for a big red bunny for you. What do you think?”

Timmy took her words to heart, watching her with all the excitement of a child on Christmas morning. “Timmy be good Gwammy an haf wed bunny.”

“That’s what I like to hear.” She said, planting yet another kiss on his forehead.

“Michael said he flooded the kitchen this morning.” Poppy relayed the news, and Gwammy laughed. It was a sound that came from deep within her belly and it was contagious.

“Do you remember when Michael did the same thing when he was younger? She asked and Poppy nodded with a grin.

“Except Michael was six and at the time he ran and hid in the linen closet when he heard us coming.” Poppy shook his head. “Kids.”

As was his usual routine, Timmy raked his fingers through Gwammy’s hair as they spoke. He loved that it was soft and long and white. She was the only person he had ever seen with white hair, and in his mind, it was the most special thing a person could have.

“Timmy, you have to be more careful though. You can’t play in the water like that again okay?” she said and Timmy tore his attention from her hair to listen.

“Why Gwammy?”

“Because it’s bad when the floors get wet and then Michael will get tired having to clean it all up.”

Timmy nodded, finally understanding; if Micha got tired, then it meant he couldn’t play with Timmy and that was a big no no. Poppy took the last sip of his coffee and set down the cup in the sink. “Alright time for school.” He announced, and Gwammy gave him one last kiss and a hug before Poppy took him from her arms.

“Bye Gwammy.” He called when they were headed out the door, and she waved back. Her smile was something Timmy often thought about and as they headed off to school in Poppy’s car, his mind conjured up the image of it right alongside the red bunny.

……………………………….

There was a reason Little Timmy enjoyed driving to school with Poppy and it had everything to do with his singing. Every morning Poppy turned on the car’s stereo and played the CD which had all of Timmy’s favorite songs and he would sing them with Timmy at the very top of his lungs as they drove. Timmy loved it that Poppy knew all the words to every song and loved it even more that Poppy was so loud.

This morning was different, however, because Poppy didn’t turn on the music. Instead, he was asking Timmy questions that didn’t make sense, and talking and talking and talking. It didn’t matter that Timmy had asked him a million times to play the music, because Poppy just wasn’t having it.

Most of the car ride was therefore spent with Timmy mostly ignoring what Poppy was saying and watching the trees and cars go by out the window. If Poppy were driving just a tiny bit slower Timmy would have counted them.

“How do I put this in a way a kid would understand?” Poppy was saying to himself. “Are you stressed out about anything?” he asked and Timmy frowned.

“No.”

“Do you know what ‘stressed out’ means?”

“No.”

Poppy sighed, then tried again. “Stressed out means…” he sighed again. “I know you’ve been going through a lot lately so its completely understandable if you’re a little bit.. sad. Are you sad sometimes?”

“Micha sad.” He confessed and for a while, Poppy said nothing, but just when Timmy was growing accustomed to the silence and enjoying his own thoughts, Poppy started up again.

“Everything’s going to be okay.” Were the words he was saying. “It might not look like that now, but everything will work itself out. You’ll see.”

“Poppy pay music now?” Timmy asked, and after a pause, Poppy finally relented and turned it on.

What Poppy failed to understand, was that in that moment, the most important thing on Little Timmy’s mind was a large stuffed animal with big floppy ears and fuzzy red fur.

……………………………………..

It was snack time at school before Timmy finally pulled the half crumpled cookies out of his pockets. He carefully picked off the lint which had somehow embedded itself on the cookies’ surface and placed them on the table before Liam. He was giving his friend the chance to choose the one he wanted and, instinctively, he knew exactly which one Liam would pick.

The thing about Liam was that he was very different from a lot of the other kids in kindergarten. The teachers saw a kid who was far too calm and easygoing for his age. In their talks with his parents, they described him as a polite child, who was kind to his peers, far more advanced in his thinking than would have been expected from a child his age and smart; unmistakably smart.

Timmy saw a boy who could color inside the lines and who could build the best block castles ever. He also saw a boy who liked ‘ugly’ things (interpretation: unusual things). Liam liked the crayons that were broken and the toy fire trucks that were blue instead of red. He liked the scratched building blocks more than the new ones and preferred to play with the dented balls that could no longer bounce.

Perhaps the only thing the two boys had in common was their love for bunnies but somehow, they made it work.

What no one knew, was that Liam was a genius in the making. He was a boy who would grow to do extraordinary things and he would impress many. He would make interesting decisions, stumble upon great luck and form many unbreakable bonds. Liam would win medals and break hearts, but he would also know great sorrow and great happiness; That was Liam’s fate.

Timmy watched as Liam picked up the cookie which was crumbling around the edges and cracked down the middle. He’d known instinctively that Liam would have chosen it, because Liam liked ugly things.

As the two boys munched on Gwammy’s tasty chocolate chip cookies, they hummed two different tunes; Liam, a complicated piano piece he had heard in his mommy’s car on the way to school that morning, and Timmy, a broken tune he’d made up in his head. They were content.

Fate was an interesting thing to behold. Not many wanted to believe that their lives had been designed to travel along a predestined path. So Timmy, who was still far too young to understand the concept of love, heartbreak, struggle and fate, had no idea that many years from now, he would fall in love with, and marry Liam; the boy who was kind to his friends, colored inside the lines and liked the most unusual things. Likewise, Liam had no idea that he would one day give his heart and hand to Timmy; the boy who would shine wherever he went.

For now, they were simply two little princes who liked bunnies and Gwammy’s chocolate chip cookies and that was okay.

…………………………………..

Timmy had had an amazing day at school. He had told Liam all about red bunny and Liam approved one hundred percent. He had also built a castle that was taller than Hanna’s and to top it all off, he had done a finger painting that he knew without a doubt, his daddy would love.

It was no surprise then, that he was all smiles when the teacher told all the kids to put away their toys and parents began showing up to get their kids. He waved goodbye to his classmates as they left one by one and stood by the teacher’s desk with his artwork in hand and his bag on his back. He wanted to show his daddy what he had done more than anything, and he was so excited to do so, that he was practically jumping up and down on the spot as he waited.

It was also no surprise then, that Timmy’s face crumpled and he began to cry when it was Micha and not his daddy, who pushed open the classroom door a few minutes later. As Micha pulled him into his arms and hugged him close, Little Timmy couldn’t help but think that even though Micha was warm, no one was as warm as his daddy.

He cried all the way home.

                                                   AUTHOR'S NOTES

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unedited -DoUbLe.A

Chapter 29: The Warehouse

Chapter 29

Jason

I could handle pain. It was one of the things I’d had to get used to while living on the streets for all those years. I’d taken hits to the face and practically every other part of my body, I knew what it felt like to get cut by a sharp knife, and I would never forget the pain I’d felt the first time I’d been stabbed. Getting hurt was just something that came with being a street kid, and it wasn’t that hard to get used to.

What I’d always hoped that I’d never experience though, was getting shot. I didn’t like how unpredictable a bullet was. In a knife fight, I could gain the upper hand and fist fights were pretty standard, but with guns, everything was up in the air. I’d watched enough people die from bullet wounds to know that dodging bullets was a thing for the movies.

Getting shot was something I told myself would never happen to me. It was the reason I only stuck to small cons and tiny bait.  It was the reason I’d quit running with Ronny and them and it was the reason I’d ended up struggling to scrape money together while everybody else had been getting ahead. I didn’t want to end up in a body bag and leave my son to fend for himself, because I’d decided a long time ago, that one way or the other, he wasn’t going to spend his entire life living on the streets.

I’d worked my ass off for us and I’d had dreams as big as the moon. Then, for some reason I still couldn’t quite explain, I’d been scraped off the streets by an FBI agent of all persons, and given the chance of a lifetime. I’d finally found a home for Timmy and for as long as it had lasted, I’d been happy.

Funny now, how despite all my planning, my dreaming and my luck, the one thing I’d avoided my whole life had happened anyway. I’d gotten shot, but the fucked up thing about it, was that it took leaving the streets behind for it to happen. It was times like this when I didn’t understand how some people didn’t believe in fate. If shit was meant to happen, you best believe it would happen.

I smelled some sort of cleaning agent; something between rubbing alcohol and the tangy scent of pine, and I wrinkled my nose against it. That, and the beeping machines told me I was in the hospital. I groaned, afraid to open my eyes because I didn’t want to see what damage the bullet had done.

I carefully moved my each of my limbs one at a time, testing for damage, but mostly I just felt numb. Finally, I opened my eyes and groaned as I squinted against the harsh overhead florescent lights.

I blinked a couple of times, trying to get my eyes to adjust, then finally looked around the room. It was nothing like any of the hospitals rooms I’d ever seen; not that I’d seen many anyway. Hospitals were expensive after all, so I’d spent most of my life avoiding them.

The paint was peeling off the slightly dirty walls in the small cramped room. I’d thought hospitals favored white walls, but these were grey, dingy and kind of depressing.  There weren’t any cool paintings on them either, and when the light above me shifted, I looked up and realized that it was swinging from the ceiling by a thick worn looking cord.

I figured I must have been at the cheapest hospital they could find. Even the equipment looked ancient, and after getting used to Michael’s warm, soft sheets, these felt itchy and coarse against my skin. I couldn’t wait to go home and climb into my own bed.

I sighed, and blinked a few times. Damn, my eyes were tired. I wondered if maybe Michael was nearby, and that I realized that he was probably picking Timmy up from school. I glanced around the room again, and realized that there weren’t any windows or clocks, which meant that I couldn’t even tell what time of day it was; or even if it was even day time.

I yawned big and wide, and my eyes watered. I blinked away the moisture in them and my mind drifted to what had happened at the Bureau. I thought about the room full of cops and Ronny with his gun pressed up against me, then I remembered getting hurt and being dragged out of there by the asshole.

I couldn’t remember what happened after Ronny had gotten me into the car, but clearly they must have stopped him somehow, because there really was no way that one guy could kidnap someone with a room full of agents just standing around watching. I chuckled. It was kind of crazy to think that I’d even been worried back then about no one saving me.

Another thought crossed my mind and I glanced at the side table to see if my phone was there; no such luck. I wondered if Michael and the others knew that an FBI agent had given Ronny the keys to the car. I wondered if they’d caught him. I decided I’d just tell Michael when he visited me.

I yawned, knowing that I would fall asleep again soon. I glanced at my bandaged arm and sighed. It was going to be a pain in the ass going back to work with an arm that couldn’t function at one hundred percent. I reached over to touch the bandages…or at least, I tried to, but something was preventing me from moving my left hand.  I glanced down at my wrist and noticed for the first time that some asshole had cuffed it to the metal railing along the bed.

I pulled against it, but all it did was rattle and clink and give me a headache. I groaned.

“What the fuck’s going on?” I whispered to myself, trying to make my tired brain work out what was happening. I couldn’t understand why they’d cuff me when I was the one who’d been shot. They all knew that Ronny was the criminal, so why was I being punished?

My brain was moving too slow for my own liking. Maybe I just needed to sleep a little bit first and figure everything out when I wasn’t so damn tired.

When the door slid open, I glanced up to see some guy walk in, and for a split second I could have sworn it was Michael and I heart jumped in my chest, but then I looked more clearly and  sighed when I didn’t recognize the face.

The guy was wearing a black leather jacket and boots that squeaked against the dirty tiles. I frowned as I watched him check one of the machines and write something down on the book he had in his hand.

“Who are you?” I asked him, because as much as I’d kept away from hospitals, I at least knew that doctors and nurses dressed the part. This guy didn’t look like he had any business checking equipment in my room.

He continued doing whatever the hell he was doing and chose not to answer me. I craned my neck to see outside the room since he’d left the door open, but all I saw was darkness. Weren’t hospital corridors supposed to be well lit and shit?

I suddenly felt a strange feeling in my stomach and I turned my eyes on the guy again. “What’s going on?” I asked him, but he didn’t even look at me. “Why am I cuffed?”

Nothing. That’s when my slow-as-fuck brain started to speed up, and I realized why everything about the place had felt off. The peeling walls, the dangling light bulbs, the creepy hallway; this wasn’t a hospital, and even though the silent asshole was moving like a doctor and doing doctor-like shit, he definitely wasn’t here in any official role.

I sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm down as it all began to sink in, but Ronny’s words in the car just before I’d blacked out suddenly came crashing back; ’ Hang in there Jason, I’m gonna need you alive for what we’ve got planned.’

“Oh no.” I whispered, barely noticing that my heart monitor was going crazy. I shrunk back from the guy as he came closer, but I hadn’t realized he’d been holding a needle, until he grabbed my arm and I felt the prick.

I blinked and I know I said something, but I couldn’t even figure out what it was. All I saw was the stranger’s face swimming in front of mine, then I saw white as I stared up into the light above me. I didn’t know how long I stayed like that until everything went black.

………………………….

I dreamt about lions and bears. It was the strangest thing; lions and bears living happily ever after in a cave in the jungle, just like in the bedtime story I’d told Timmy once. Lions and bears raising a family, living together, hunting together, protecting each other; it was probably the  weirdest night of my life. Usually, I dreamt about sensible things, like working, saving money, taking care of Timmy, Michael, paying the water bill; the type of stuff that made sense. After going through something as scary as being shot, I should have at least been dreaming about guns, bullets, death or hospitals, but here I was dreaming about something as random and ridiculous as two animals falling in love.

This time when I opened my eyes, I knew immediately where I was; hell. I glanced to the side, and my eyes fixed on a guy I had never seen before. He was old and bald, with the expression of a boy who’d just gotten the best surprise of his life. He smiled at me as I watched him, and my eyes narrowed when he dipped his old, trembling, wrinkled hand into a brown paper bag and pulled out a handful of nuts. He titled his head back and threw them into his mouth, then chewed silently as we watched each other.

“It’s true what they say about smoking.” He said, and my eyes narrowed. “It’s hard to quit. It’s been a week since I’ve touched a cigarette and it’s all thanks to these.” He held up the paper bag and shook it.

“Where am I?” I asked, barely able to get the words out through my gritted teeth.

The guy looked down at the bag with a frown. “I know I’ll get sick of them soon, so I’m trying to find another substitute. I heard the patch isn’t so bad, but I’m old fashioned.” He said. “I don’t see what pasting a piece of paper on my body is going to do, you know?”

“Is this…a psych ward?” I asked, pulling slightly away from him. He grinned.

“It’s whatever we need it to be. For now, it’s our sick bay.”

“Why am I here?”

He smiled, and I realized that I was already starting to hate his face. “You were shot.”

“No shit asshole.” I sat up and pulled hard on the cuffs; it bruised my wrist. “Who the hell are you and what do you want with me?”

“You can call me Stanley.” He said, and paused, waiting for God knows what. “No need to introduce yourself. You have a pretty impressive resume Jason.”

“Where’s Ronny?”

The guy’s smile widened. “Around here somewhere no doubt. You’ll see him again when the time’s right. He’s told us so much about you and we’re looking forward to seeing you in action.” He continued.

I swallowed against the lump in my throat. I’d been right. These weren’t the good guys. Michael and the assholes who worked with him hadn’t rescued me after all.

“Relax Jason. We’re not going to hurt you…unless you give us a reason to.”

I took a deep breath and clenched my fists so he wouldn’t see my hands shake.

“Ronny doesn’t know shit. He’s just a screw-up and he’s trying to get back at me. Please just let me go.”

Old mad just kept chewing on his nuts, looking me up and down like I was some prize.

“You’re holding up well despite being in an unfamiliar situation, with an unfamiliar man in an unfamiliar room. Most people would be freaking out. Yet here you are, somehow holding it together and demanding answers. That alone tells me you’re worth some investment.”

When I didn’t answer, he continued.

“You have a beautiful son by the way.” He said, and I froze. “It was interesting to see just how much he resembles you. His name is Timmy right?”

I could only stare at him in shock. Not Timmy, anybody but Timmy. This couldn’t be happening.

“Don’t worry, he’s safe. We’ve simply been observing him, and we have no plans to approach him as long as you cooperate. Why the name Timmy though? It’s so simple, don’t you think?”

I flinched when he said my son’s name, then the fucking unwanted tears came to my eyes. If he said his name one more time…

“Relax.” He said again, then held out the bag toward me with a smirk. I used my free hand and slapped it away from me. It fell to the ground and spilled. For the first time, he frowned, but then the smile was back in place a second later. The guy was insane.

“Why are you doing this?” I asked, and hated myself because my voice was shaking.

“You’ll find out everything in time. Right now I just want you to concentrate on healing. There’s a lot to do, and the longer you’re stuck in this bed, the more time we have to put it off.”

“There’s no fucking way you can get to Timmy. Michael will kill you before he lets that happen.”

“The way I heard it, he just stood there and watched you get taken. Something tells me, he’ll be just as useful with your kid.”

“Ronny lied.” I bluffed, and still, the old asshole smiled; it pissed me off.

“Frankly, I wouldn’t trust Ronny with his own dick much less with the truth, but the report didn’t come from him.”  He bragged.

“Yeah because you got your people in the FBI.” I glared at him.

“I knew you were a smart one.”

“How many of them you got in there?”

He laughed, then stood, and I watched him bend to scoop the nuts back into the bag.

“Get some rest.” He said. “Oh, before I forget.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope, then threw it into my lap. “I don’t make idle threats.”

He pulled open the door and threw me one last smile, before he stepped out and closed it behind him; finally leaving me alone.

I stared down at the envelope in my lap for a long time after that. With my free hand, I tested the weight of it, then flipped it around and around. I was afraid to look inside because I had no idea what to expect.

I took a deep breath before ripping it open, then turned it around and watched as whatever was in inside, spilled onto the bed. When the tears came this time, I couldn’t stop them.

“Timmy.” I cried his name as I looked at the four pictures. They were of Timmy at school playing with kids on the playground. In two of them, he was sitting with a little boy in the sandbox, and in the third, he was standing beside his teacher, drinking the juice we’d bought for him. In the last picture, Michael was holding him in his arms as he pulled open his car door.

I ran my fingers over their faces. “This can’t be happening.” I sobbed, not knowing what to do and feeling helpless,

Michael thought he could trust the people he was working with, but he was probably in danger, and they’d managed to get close enough to take pictures without him knowing.

The pictures in front of me blurred and I pulled against the handcuffs again and again. When that didn’t work, I grabbed the railing and rocked it back and forth, hoping that if I tried hard enough, it would somehow break.

It was the pain in my arm that made me eventually stop. When I glanced at the bandage, it was bloody. I figured I’d torn open the stitches. My wrist was throbbing, my arm was throbbing, my head was throbbing and my heart was hurting.

I sat back against the pillows and closed my eyes. I was too tired to even reach up and wipe away the tears, so I just let them fall. I thought about Timmy, and wondered if he was doing okay. I hoped he was eating right and listening to Michael. I wondered if he missed me, and if he was mad that I wasn’t there. I prayed he didn’t think I’d just left him behind. I wanted him to be okay. I wanted him to think I’d be back soon. The more I thought about him and his fat cheeks, his big eyes and those dimples, I cried even harder.

I thought about Michael too and wondered what he was thinking. Was he worried? Was he looking for me? Did he miss me the way I missed him? I wished he was around so I could talk to him like we did every night. I wished I could tell him how scared I was, so he could tell me everything was going to be alright.

I didn’t know these people, and I had no clue what they were capable of. I didn’t know where I was or what they wanted from me. I didn’t even know how long it had been since I’d been shot. Was it a day, two days, more?

I wished Michael was around, so I could hide away in his arms and not worry about a thing. I wished he could protect me, because I was so tired of always being the one protecting. More than all that though, I wished they were both around, so I could tell them how much I loved them, and I prayed that I would see them again soon.

……………………………

As bad as it was being in a place like this, not knowing what time of day it was, was even more stressful. People came in and out of my room to check on this and check on that throughout the ‘day,’ and every single one of them ignored me. It didn’t matter if I shouted, it didn’t matter if I cussed and it definitely didn’t matter if I hurt myself while doing it. It was like I was just some piece of equipment in the room, that they could poke and prick any way they wanted to, and I was too tired to fight them.

At some point they brought in food, and even though I had no appetite at all, I forced it down anyway because I was starving. I fell asleep not too long after that, and the next time the door opened, I sat up quickly, and watched in horror as two huge men stepped in with weapons in their hands.

“Wh—What’s going on?” I asked when the ‘doctor’ came in behind them. He held up a key, then moved to the side of my bed and unlocked the cuffs.

“Let’s go.’ He said. “It’s in your best interest not to do anything stupid.” He turned and stepped out the door, and I looked again at the two gunmen. They were watching me and waiting. When the guy on the left tilted his head toward the door, I got up slowly off the bed and followed the ‘doctor’ out.

They weren’t going to kill me, otherwise why bother patch me up in the first place, right? Maybe they were only trying to scare me, or… Jesus. I didn’t know what to expect and I was too tired and way too weak to handle any kind of deep thinking.

I felt drained and depressed and scared all at once. Funny how I could put on a tough act, but inside I was like a scared little kid about to pee his pants. The fact that they not only let me see their faces, but hadn’t even blindfold me as they walked me through their place, made me feel sick to my stomach. It meant that either they didn’t plan on ever letting me go, or they didn’t plan on letting me go alive. It meant that I had to figure shit out on my own, and find a way to get the hell away from them. It didn’t matter how tired I was anymore, I had to look around and make sure every inch of the place was stored in my head.

The corridor leading from the sick bay was dark enough that I couldn’t make out the color or texture of the walls. My legs were weak, and I was slow, but they didn’t rush me, and when I got dizzy and tripped over my own two feet, one of the big guys grabbed my good arm and steadied me without saying a word.

The corridor opened into a huge room that made me realize at first glance, that we were in a warehouse. The floors were cemented and grimy from years of dirt, but otherwise it was kept tidy. Like with most warehouses, the ceiling wasn’t much of a ceiling. Instead, it was lined with zinc and metal frames to hold up the structure. There were three gigantic fans fixed to the frames which were the only things keeping the room cool, since the one huge door at the far end of the room was locked and there were no windows.

Throughout the day I’d seen about seven different men go in and out of the sick bay, but for whatever stupid reason, I’d still had it in my head, that this was some low level gang. I rolled my eyes at my own stupid thinking. These people had men in the fucking FBI for God’s sake, of course it wasn’t simple, and seeing the number of people going about their own business in this room, I realized that I was way out of my league.

They were obviously the type of people Michael and them should be dealing with, not some average guy like me. They were organized. The long wall directly in front of us was lined with about a hundred or so shelves and hooks, and on them, there were guns of all shapes and sizes. Guns that I was sure the everyday man wouldn’t be able to just get his hands on without people noticing. They’d stored them in some type of wide glass casing that stretched from the end of one wall to the next.

As we walked, I watched as some guy grabbed the handle of the metal sheeting that was fixed to the wall and pulled it quickly along the long wall, covering the guns from sight. When he’d dragged it all the way to the other end, he locked it with a heavy looking metal padlock.

Around us, people walked around doing their own thing; some were cleaning weapons, some were typing shit on a row of computers closer to the door, while others were talking or joking around with each other. Everybody looked so chill; like what they were doing was completely legal, and police wouldn’t come knocking on their door at any minute. They all ignored me too. Actually, it was more like they didn’t even notice that I was some unfamiliar face walking in front of two big guys with guns.

It looked like everybody had more important things to focus on. What surprised me too, was that the place was quiet. Like if I was to talk a little bit above my normal talking voice, the person at the far end of the room would probably hear me. Well, I figured being loud in some big warehouse, most likely in the middle of nowhere, while carrying out criminal activity, meant that you’d have the sense not to draw attention to yourself; which also meant; no noise.

I continued following behind the ‘doctor,’ and the more I looked around me the more I began to wonder if it was just me, or did more than half the people around look like teenagers. I blinked, knowing that I was dead tired and my mind could be playing tricks on me, but no matter how hard I looked, the faces didn’t change. Most of the people there looked like they between the ages of fourteen and twenty-one.

The younger they looked, the more satisfied they seemed; as if all their troubles had been well taken care of.

“What the fuck’s going on here?”

“Move along.” The guy behind me nudged me in the back, and I realized that I’d stopped to stare. They led me through another doorway and down another dark hall, and I was pissed at myself for not paying less attention to the people, and more attention to the things around me. I’d barely looked around the room, and here we were going to another.

I bit my lip, and with every step that we took, my heart raced faster. I could already see the opening at the end of the hall, and I was nervous about what would be there. I wondered if they were taking me to their boss to be questioned or something. I wondered a lot of things in the long walk down the hall to be honest, but not one Goddamn thing prepared me for what was actually there.

I glanced at them all in surprise when we stopped, and I looked around the room. This, I hadn’t expected. If I hadn’t been so scared, I would have actually laughed. We were in a restroom type deal with rows and rows of showers.

“Strip, shower and change into those clothes.” The ‘doctor’ pointed to the folded clothes sitting on a chair by the wall, and the towel in the other chair beside it. He turned me around and began to wrap some sort of plastic around the bandage. “You’ve got fifteen minutes.”  He finished, and I watched him leave the way we’d come. The two big guys took up position by the door and waited.

So this was what prison felt like.

There wasn’t any strolling along after the shower. This time, they hurried me down the hall and across the warehouse floors, then finally into another long hallway, where I had to stand in front of a door that I didn’t recognize. When one of my guards got it open, he pushed me inside, and I felt the turn of the lock a second later.

Trapped like a fucking rat.

I turned and looked around the room. It was bigger than the sick bay, which I was at least glad for, and surprisingly, there was a TV on the wall. The twin bed was pushed to one corner, and there was an uncomfortable looking chair against another wall. I noticed that there was no remote.

“Good thinking assholes.” I grumbled to myself. If there had been a remote, I would have taken out the batteries and dropped them into my sock to use as a weapon. I almost smiled when I thought about bashing Ronny’s big head in with it. Almost.

Truth was, I didn’t care for violence. I’d grown up on the streets, so it wasn’t something I had been able to avoid, but that definitely didn’t mean I ever went looking for it.

“I guess this is supposed to me my room now.” I said to myself, just because I wanted to hear something other than silence. There was a small duffel bag beside the chair in the corner, and I picked it up off the ground and set it on the bed. When I opened it, I realized that it was filled with snacks.

I dropped it back where I’d found it and frowned. Did they think that because they gave me a couple snacks and a TV that I’d somehow think this place was paradise? I shook my head, then looked up at the ugly ceiling, and finally at the walls. At least the walls were clean.

When I glanced at the small metal shelf above the bed, my eyes landed on a small stack of photos. I reached over and picked them up. Five new pictures of my boy. I felt even more depressed than before, just looking at them.

They were of him at school again, and I could tell this was a different day because he was wearing different clothes. Just like with the other stack they’d given me, this one had a picture of Michael in it.

“You lost weight Michael.” I whispered to the photo; running my finger over his face.“ You don’t gotta worry about me. I’m gonna get outta here. I promise.“

…………………………………..

My days were starting to blend together; but then they’d been blending together from the start anyway. I’d woken up not knowing the time of night or the day of the week, and not much had changed since then. The more time passed, the more stressed out I got, and most days I spent just pacing back and forth in the room.

A couple of times when I’d been bored out of my mind, I’d beat on the door and shouted at the assholes at the top of my lungs, but they still ignored me, and the only thing that had come out of it for me was more pain. The good thing was that I had a pretty good idea when it was morning, because that was when the breakfast came, but I got the strange feeling that they mixed it up sometimes to confuse me.

One thing I could say though, was that they fed me well…or at least they tried to. My appetite still hadn’t come back, and the longer I was trapped, the less I ate. There was no escaping this place; not with the way things were so far.

Everyday he opened the door and led me to the bathroom, then took me back to my room where there was food waiting. A few hours later, another bathroom trip, more food, and then a whole lot of nothing for a long time, until the final bathroom trip and the final meal. There were always at least two guys following me with weapons, and no one said a word to me, no matter what I said or did.

I swear I wasn’t a crier, but that was all I did; look at the pictures of my family and cry. I just wanted to see their faces; that was it. If I could just at least see their faces, just once, then maybe it would all be easier.

I was in bed, staring up at the ceiling the next time they came in.

“I’m not going anywhere.” I said. “So you can all go fuck yourselves.”

“If you don’t get up, then we’ll drag you out, it’s as simple as that.”

“Then you’re gonna be dragging me around for a long time asshole.” I said without looking at them. I was sick of it; sick of being ignored, sick of being their prisoner, sick of not getting any answers, and sick of being without my family.

I expected them to rough me up; at least then I’d get something to do, but a second later, I heard the door click, and when I looked over, they were gone. I sighed.

I figured it was about an hour and a half before they came back; this time they brought company; the old man from that first day, and of course he came in with his bag of nuts. He was smiling again, and after so long without any real attention from anyone, it was like a breath of clean fucking fresh air.

I sat up in bed with my back against the wall and my arms crossed before me. Old Man took the only chair in the room, and my two guards melted out of the room like shadows.

“I was wondering when you were going to finally grow some balls.” Was the first thing Old Man said, and my eyes narrowed. “Thought we’d have you trapped in here for a few months before you finally did something to fight back.”

“I’m sick of you, this place and your fucking games. I’m done.”

His smile widened. “Says who?” he tilted his big, fat, bald head to the side. “Is it that you think you have some sort of advantage that we’re not aware of? Do you think that you’ll just be able to walk out of here without a care in the world whenever the mood takes you?”

When he threw a handful of nuts into his mouth and chewed as if nothing else mattered, all the fight drained out of me, and like a fool, I broke down and sobbed my eyes out while he watched. My whole world was falling apart and he didn’t give a damn and it hurt me.

I fell apart in front of him for a long time, and he just sat there and watched me, and I hated him more every second that passed. I wanted to be with my son and Michael. I didn’t want to be here with these people in this place.

“I’m not tough. I’m not whatever you think I am.” I sobbed. “I just want to go home.” I told him with my runny eyes and runny nose. I pulled my knees up to my chest, and dropped my head onto them and cried some more.

Afterwards, both of us just sat there in silence. I couldn’t look at him after making a complete fool of myself like that, so I just kept my head on my knees and focused on breathing. It was like that for a long time, and I was surprised that I didn’t even hear the crunching of nuts between his teeth.

Finally, he cleared his throat and I tensed, waiting for…something.

“I’ll give you two hours.” He said. “You’ll be able to see him, and if you’re lucky, you may very well catch a glimpse of your lover too.”

My head shot up, and I watched his face in shock. He wasn’t smiling, he didn’t look like he was messing around, but I didn’t know him, which meant I didn’t know what he was capable of.

“I—I don’t believe you.”

He continued as if I hadn’t said a word. “Once you’ve seen them, we can officially begin. We’ve lost enough time as it is.” He stood and walked out the door without another word, and I pressed my hand to my chest because my heart was going crazy.

Was this real? Would he really let me see them? Would this be my chance to finally get away from these guys? I stood when the door opened again, and this time I went with them without any fuss. This time we didn’t go into the main hall. They took me to a room I’d never been to before. It was a decent sized space with no windows as expected, and I was starting to wonder if I’d ever actually feel the sun again, or see the trees, or the skies, or feel the wind on my face.

I sighed. “Am I really going to see my son?” I asked one of the guards, but as usual, he ignored me.

“Sit.” He said, pointing to the stool in the middle of the room, and when I did, a woman I’d only glimpsed at some point during the first few days, came in. She pissed me off instantly.

Why the fuck was everybody in this Godforsaken place so happy all the time? I wanted to wipe that shit eating grin off her face. She came in like some happy little daisy, with her floral print, expensive looking jacket, her ridiculous gold jewelry and ugly knee high boots.

She looked about thirty, but then who could tell with all that makeup. The guard, who I’d started calling Big Joe in my head a few days back (the other one didn’t have a name yet), pulled my wrists together, and put on the handcuffs, then he stepped back and stood watching me. I glanced at the woman and watched as she sorted through the rows and rows of clothes that were hung up all over the room.

She looked over at me once, frowned a little, then pulled out some male clothes, and dropped them onto the table not too far away from me. Then, she picked up a small bag and pulled a smaller table with wheels over to where I sat.

I watched carefully as she dropped her bag onto the table, and pulled out a pair of scissors and a hair clipper. I knew what was coming.

“So now I don’t even get a say in what happens with my own hair?” I mumbled to myself.

“Do you want to see your kid or not?” she asked, and that shut me up.

I let the stranger do what she wanted to me. The curls that Michael liked so much dropped little by little to the floor at my feet, and soon after that, even the midnight black hair that made me and Timmy look so much alike, was bleached blonde.

When it was over, I stared at the person looking back at me in the mirror. I stared at his scruffy chin, the dark circles under his eyes, his hollowed out cheeks, and two inches of blonde hair on his head. I didn’t recognize the Jason who was staring back, and neither would Timmy or Michael.

When I’d lived on the streets I’d always thought life was hard, but nothing compared to what I was feeling in that moment. Life on the streets was easy compared to this, because at least back then I was going home to my son everyday. When they removed the cuffs for a moment, I stripped in front of them, and changed into the clothes they wanted me to wear, then I sat and listened as they told me what I could and couldn’t do, and of course, what would happen if I broke the rules.

In a few minutes, they would take me to see Timmy. I would watch him from a far, I wouldn’t make a fuss, and after exactly two hours, no more and no less, the visit would be over and they would take me back here to where I would be expected to cooperate. If I tried any stupid, they would hurt him.

They told me that when I got back they would give me tasks to do. I translated that to mean I’d be doing illegal shit from now on. If I did the tasks well, I’d be rewarded. That reward might be less time in my room, or it might be more chances to see Timmy. They told me that failure in any way was a waste of their time and energy, so I figured I’d just drop the word from my vocabulary, because there was no way in hell I was ever going to miss a chance of seeing my kid.

I’d already realized that there was no way I’d get a chance to escape on this visit. They’d be watching me, and they’d be careful, but I hadn’t come this far, and gone through all the shit I’d gone through just to have a roomful of assholes control my life.  I was getting out one day soon; one way or another.

They blindfolded me before we even got to the main door of the warehouse, but I listened carefully to what was going on around me. I heard the sound of the huge metal door sliding across the concrete, and then we were finally outside.

The breeze felt amazing against my skin. I took a deep breath and turned my face up to the sky. I liked the feel of the warm sun on my face. Instead of gravel, I felt grass under my feet right up until the point where they put me into the car, which probably meant that there was no road leading to the warehouse, but there was at least a path wide enough to allow a car to come through.

I relaxed my body so that it would sway with the movement of the car. The ride to the end of the road was long and bumpy. At the end of the path we turned right, then left onto smooth road and while I couldn’t tell if it was a main or minor road, I focused on any twists and turns, and after another five minutes or so, we turned left again. After that I lost track. I was starting to get dizzy and following along like this wasn’t as easy as I’d thought it would be.

It was a long time before the car finally stopped, but as soon as it did, they pulled the blindfold away from my eyes and gave me another warning. I blinked against the bright light of the afternoon sun and glanced out the window. When I realized where we were, I slid across the seat and pressed both of my hands against the glass.

Timmy’s school. I was actually here and it didn’t take me more than a few seconds to find him on the playground. I saw his curly black hair first, then I saw his big happy grin, and those dimples that I just wanted to kiss.

“Timmy.” I whispered. I wanted to go to him and pick him up. I wanted to hold him forever. I glanced at Big Joe, who was sitting beside me, then back out the window. I already knew the rules and the consequences if I broke them, but if I couldn’t go to him, then I at least wanted him to see me. I wanted him to look up just once and see me in the car across the street.

I wished for it in my head as hard as I could, then gave up because even if he saw me he wouldn’t know it was me. They’d turned me into a person even my son wouldn’t recognize. I pressed up against the glass and watch him. I didn’t even want to blink and miss a moment of seeing his face.

He was the most beautiful boy on the planet and he was all mine. “Timmy.” I whispered again.

He had Bunny with him as expected, but he was sharing him with his little friend, and they both looked so happy. I wondered if he missed me. I wondered if he even realized that his daddy wasn’t there to tuck him in at night anymore, then I cussed at myself, because of course he knew and of course he missed me.

He looked healthy, which I was so happy for. I was so glad in that moment that I’d met Michael, because now he was taking good care of my boy. I smiled when I noticed that he’d gotten a hair cut; just a little trim off the ends. I could just imagine how he’d kicked and screamed in that barber shop chair.

I wondered if Michael was still sneaking him candy, and for once I didn’t care if he was, because Timmy deserved to get every single thing he wanted. I suddenly regretted not letting him play in the water with Bunny as much as he had wanted. I regretted getting mad at him when he wouldn’t put on his clothes, or when he’d made a mess. When I got back to him, I’d let him make all the mess in the world; I didn’t mind cleaning up after him.

When I got back I’d make sure he never cried again. I’d give him tickles, I’d read him his favorite bedtime stories even twenty times if he asked. I’d buy him the biggest tub of ice-cream ever and let him eat as much as he wanted, and if he got a stomach ache I’d make him ginger tea and rub his belly until he fell asleep.

He was right there in front of me; my little Timmy, and I couldn’t even go to him. I couldn’t even tell him that I loved him. I was just useless and for what? Because Ronny couldn’t keep his damn mouth shut; because Ronny was a sick, pathetic little bastard who couldn’t get a life of his own; because Ronny was a disloyal piece of shit. To think I’d been a good friends to him for all those years before I’d left the gang. To think I actually gave a shit about him.

He better pray I never saw his face again.

I swallowed hard against the lump in my throat as I watched Timmy play. I’d do whatever they wanted me to do if it meant that I could see him again. There was no such thing as failing anymore if this was going to be my reward, and in the meantime, I would find a way out. It wasn’t going to be weeks or months or years; fuck no. Timmy needed me now, and I was going to find a way out very very soon.

The minutes melted away as I sat there watching him. I was glad that Big Joe and the other guy didn’t say a word. I didn’t want anything to ruin this time I had. I wanted to run out of the car and pick him up when he fell onto the grass, but because he was a tough little kid, he got up all by himself and he didn’t even cry. The kid who’d been beside him the whole time, helped brush off his clothes, and I was happy that he had a little friend to be happy with.

When my two hours were almost up, Michael drove up, and I swear my heart stopped in my chest when I saw him. He looked tired as hell; like he hadn’t slept in weeks, and like I’d noticed from the pictures, he’d lost weight too, but he was still the most beautiful man I’d ever seen. I watched him as he crossed the parking lot of Timmy school and disappeared around the corner.

I desperately wanted to shout his name. I wanted him to know that I was there so he could help me, but beside me, Big Joe had pulled his weapon out of his clothes, and held it in his lap. The look he gave me told me that it would be a terrible idea.

Michael reappeared a short while later on the playground, and I saw the excitement on Timmy’s face the second he saw that Michael was there; it was the biggest and brightest smile I’d seen in the whole two hours that I’d been watching him.

Michael scooped him up into his arms and hugged him, and I wished I was close enough to hear what they were saying to each other. I clapped a hand over my chest because it hurt. These were the only two people in the whole world who I would do absolutely anything for. They were my family, and I was right there in shouting distance and I couldn’t even go near them.

I wiped angrily at the tears that had started to trail down my face, and blinked hard and fast to get ride of them because it was hard to see them with my eyes filled with water.

“Alright. Time’s up.” Big Joe said, and when he picked up the blindfold, I sobbed and pressed my face up to the glass again so I could see them one last time.

The last thing I saw before he covered my eyes was my lover and my son, walking out of the playground, hand in hand.

I bawled all the way back to the warehouse. The bastards who traveled with me said nothing the whole time.

…………………………………..

Three days later I found out that I’d been there for two weeks. Two whole weeks my son hadn’t seen his father’s face. Two weeks, I’d played by their fucked up rules. Two weeks I’d been trapped in my windowless prison, and I was fucking ready for it to end.

The daily routine was the same as always; bathroom, breakfast, bathroom lunch, bathroom dinner. During the time I’d spent outside of my room, I’d memorized every different route we’d taken. I knew who was where when and what areas were busiest when. I knew where they kept their weapons, where most of them ate their lunch, and even though there were so many different faces, I’d already started memorizing them.

Eventually, when they trusted me enough to let me interact with the others, I planned to learn the important names and the roles they all played. I wasn’t wasting my time in here that was for sure. The assholes shouldn’t have brought me here, because the second I got out, their whole damn operation was going down.

When I slipped on my clothes after my regular shower for the day, something finally changed in the routine. Instead of taking me directly to my room, they carried me into the main hall and set me down on a bench against a wall.

Big Joe of course, made sure to secure the cuffs in place, then to my surprise, both my guards left. It was the first time I’d been left alone outside the room, and I frowned as they disappeared.

I looked around the room. It wasn’t as crowded that day as it usually was, which was interesting, but I wondered why they suddenly felt comfortable enough to leave me alone, when for the past two weeks, they’d stuck to my ass like glue.

I still hadn’t figured out yet why there were so many teens around, but then, I hadn’t figured out much in general yet anyway. It was about an hour before Big Joe and the other guy came and got me, and this time they took me straight to my room where Stanley the old man was waiting.

They locked the door and I watched Old Man warily as he sat in the chair chewing the usual. I hadn’t seen him since the day I’d made a fool of myself in front of him. I sat on the very edge of the bed and watched him, and I realized he was purposely trying to make me uncomfortable.

Every time I saw the guy I hated him even more. “I take it you saw your son.”

“When can I see him again?” I asked instead of answering, because I’d stopped putting up with everyone’s bullshit a long time ago.

Old Man grinned. “You sat in the main hall for exactly one hour today.” He said. “Tell me what you observed.”

It sounded like a simple question, but I could tell by the look in his eyes that it was important. Two whole weeks had passed and they still hadn’t told me what they needed me for, but after the last conversation we’d had I knew he was probably testing me.

“Do you want me to tell you about the bullet hole in the wall beside the computers, or do you want to hear about the people?”

“You decide.” He said, so I did.

I told him about the crack in the right corner of the glass in the gun case, the dust gathering in the corner by the stack of paints by the empty bookshelf, peeling paint on the one side of the metal frames that were holding up the zinc roof, the one broken light bulb in the ceiling; light bulb number 17 counting from the right to left facing the hallway leading to the showers.

I mentioned the half dead sunflower than had exactly 9 petals left and the smell of weed coming from the room opposite the main entrance. After that, I told him about the people; like the girl with the freckles and the bad dye job, the thirty-something year old man with the blue wire-frame glasses, who was missing two of his bottom front teeth, the boy who looked about seventeen years old who’d walked in with two pocked full of cash, the girl with the broken nose and the bloodshot eyes, the kids who walked into the room marked ‘restricted’ with smiles on their faces, and walked out at fifteen minute intervals with what I was almost sure were stomachs stuffed with drugs.

I told him every last detail of what I’d seen, because it was obvious he wanted to be impressed, and by the look on his face when I was done, he clearly was.

He sat forward in his chair, and set aside his bag of nuts for the first time.

“Looks like we got the right man for the job.”

“What job’s that?” I asked.

Old Man stood with that same cocky smile that always pissed me off. “Get some rest. Tomorrow’s going to be a long day.” He said, then turned and left without another word.

I stared at the door for a long time afterward, thinking about the time I’d spent there and how much of their bullshit I’d had to put up with, then I glanced down at my clenched fists and slowly opened my right hand.

I picked up the rusted nail from my palm and spun it around and around in my hand. One hour I’d sat out there observing them, but their big mistake had been that they’d all ignored me.

“Idiots.” I said under my breath as I stared at the tiny little thing that would help me go free.

The old man shouldn’t have left me out there . I thought, because there was one important thing that I’d seen in the main hall that I hadn’t told him about, and that had to do with a very important blue door that had been left open for around twenty minutes today.

I sat in the only chair in the room and continued to twirl the nail around in my hand. Tonight I was going to call Michael; and the tiny office with the blue door was exactly where I needed to be to do it.

“Just wait a little bit longer Timmy. Daddy’s coming home.” I whispered the words to myself in the quiet room.

                                                      Author's Notes

Thanks for reading!

-For updates, sneak peeks, posting dates and more, follow me on instagram: doublezone_books

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Chapter 30: Mission-Find Jason

Chapter 30

Michael

Eddie’s kitchen was our base of operations for the next few hours. He had cleared off his massive kitchen counter and now it was a mess of computers, wires and a shitload of other tech gear that I wasn’t tech savvy enough to know about.

He sat around the devices with Simon, who, luckily, had already been there when I had called to let him know I would be coming over. It was 3:25a.m. and only the five people I trusted enough to inform about Jason’s call were standing in the room; Simon and Eddie, Nate and John, and of course, my father, the Chief.

“And you said you couldn’t hear any sound in the background? Anything at all?” Simon was asking as he fiddled with his fancy computer.

I shook my head. “Nothing.”

I’d thought about calling him back a million times in the last twenty-five minutes, but I was struck with terror when I thought about the many different ways in which a phone call would compromise him; like if he was hiding from his kidnappers, and the ringing cell phone announced his location to them. And that was just one of the very many possibilities that had burrowed its way into my head.

Everyone had agreed that a call could be risky.

“Got it!”

My head snapped up at Simon’s words, and all of us converged around him. In the short time we had been in Eddie’s kitchen, we had already learned that Jason’s phone call was made from within state lines, and we had been painstakingly narrowing down the search for the exact coordinates.

My heart was doing jumping jacks in my chest as I waited anxiously for his next words.

“Grennel Wood.” “Simon said. “That’s where the phone is.”

“What the fuck’s in Grennel Wood?” Eddie questioned with a frown.

“Language.” The chief, Nate and Simon, said in unison. Eddie glanced at Timmy, who was in my father’s arms, sucking on his two favorite fingers, and watching us all with interest.

“Sorry.” He said, and I shook my head, moving to stand behind Simon, so I could see whatever it was that he was looking at on his screen.

“I’m narrowing it down.” He said, and I watched as he manipulated what looked to be Google Maps, and zoomed all the way in, until we were looking at a picture of the middle of nowhere. He slid the cursor across the screen, navigating the greenery, until he we saw the roof of a large building.

“Looks like some kind of abandoned warehouse.”

“There are vehicles outside; three.” Simon announced to the room.

Is that the only building in the area. Look carefully.“ Nate, who had also come to stand behind Simon, said.

We watched as he searched every inch of the area, the aerial view providing the perfect opportunity to scan the place without issue.

“Nothing. Just some power lines a few miles away.” Simon said, then scrolled back to the warehouse. He pointed to the screen “The path here looks pretty well used.”

“He could be in there.” I said, more to myself that the others.

“We need to come up with a plan of action.” The Chief said. “The five of us barging in there isn’t a good idea. We have no idea how many people are involved in this and whether or not they have weapons. We need a team.”

“We have moles in the Bureau. We can’t take the chance of putting together a team using our guys.” I said.

“And we can’t alert any other agencies because we don’t know how far the kidnappers’ reach goes.”

“I know a couple of guys who would be willing to help.” John said. “I trust them with my life.”

“Yeah, and we can trust Phillip, Cruz and Perez.” Eddie added, and Simon nodded in agreement.

“Alright.” I said. “And I can ask my buddy Bruno; he was special forces, and he owes me a favor.” I thought briefly about my own partner and dismissed the idea all together. He had only just found out that he was going to have twins. I wouldn’t involve him.

“Good. I have a few people I can tap on my end too.” Nate chipped in, and stepped away to begin making calls.

“Dad, you can get in touch with your people too right?” I asked, turning to him, and he nodded, before setting Timmy onto the ground.

I watched as he pulled his phone out of his pocket, and like the others, began making calls. Timmy ran over to me and latched onto my leg. I lifted him into my arms.

“Aren’t you tired buddy?” I asked, knowing full well that he was. He’d been up since 3:00 a.m. and his his eyes were red from rubbing them constantly.

“No.” he said, and I didn’t argue with him, because every time I tried to put him to sleep, he cried.

I picked up my phone from Eddie’s cluttered table, and searched for Bruno’s name in my contacts. Timmy shoved his two fingers back into his mouth and dropped his head onto my shoulder. I put the phone to my ear and listened to it ring.

“I need your help.” I said the moment he answered.

……………………..

I stared down at the printed photo of Jason as the Chief spoke. I remembered the exact day I had taken it. He had been in the kitchen making tea for Timmy, while his son clung to his leg whining about his Bunny. I remembered his furrowed brows as he had tried to divide his attention between the two. At the time, I had been sitting at the counter watching the adorable expressions flitting across his face.

Then, when he’d looked up at me; his eyes pleading, I had snapped the picture. I remembered his annoyance when I had done it, and how he had set down the milk and the tea cup, and lifted Timmy into his arms, only to then lift him across the counter, and shove him into mine.

I remembered his annoyance that day and I missed even that. I missed everything about him; his shy smiles and enraged eyes, that subtle blush that would rise along his cheeks whenever he was embarrassed. I missed the warmth of him pressed up against my side in bed in the mornings and the huskiness if his voice when he told me goodnight after hours of lovemaking.

I missed the way he would complain every time I tried to sneak Timmy candy, and the way he used to bite his lip to prevent himself from smiling. I missed the way he would hug his son close and rock him, and the sound of his voice when he sung Timmy to sleep.

As I stared down at the picture of him, I felt regret that I hadn’t savored those moments while I had had him. I vowed that when I got him back, I wouldn’t take him for granted. I would treat him like a King and I would do everything in my power to make him happy.

I decided that I would take us all on a nice family vacation, because he deserved it, and I would ask him to marry me because I couldn’t live without him.

“We don’t know anything about the operation they’re running. They might have civilians other than Jason who they’re holding hostage.” My dad’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts, and I tore my gaze away from Jason’s picture, took a deep breath and refocused.

Absolutely nothing could go wrong on this mission. Now that I had confirmed what I had known for so long; that Jason was alive, absolutely nothing was going to prevent me from seeing him today.

“We don’t know how many of them are there, and we don’t know what kind of weapons they’re carrying.” The Chief continued to brief us. “Earlier, we sent Phillip and Cruz, trusted agents of the Bureau, to the location to scout the area. They confirmed what Simon found. There are two exits on the building; the main exit, which will be as clear as day, and one semi concealed exit to the right side of the building.

“They’ve reported that there are no signs of video surveillance, other than one substandard camera by the main exit to the top left corner of the door. Regardless, I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that some level of stealth is required on this mission. At least until we get through the door.

“There’ll be twenty-one of you out there, and we have no idea how many of them there are in there, so act accordingly.” The chief held up Jason’s picture. “The mission is to find Jason. He’s been missing for two weeks and we know that he’s been shot. It’s safe to say that we don’t know what condition he’ll be in.

“Furthermore, who knows if his appearance has changed since his abduction. Be reminded that we have been scouring the state for him for two weeks, and his kidnappers managed to somehow elude us. Therefore, picture this same kid in any way you want, just make sure you find him.

“Obviously we’re hoping to avoid a shootout unless absolutely necessary, but if it comes down to it, be mindful that there’s an innocent boy in there. Also be aware that the moment we go in, they might try to use him as a bargaining tool or a human shield. Be vigilant.

“You’ve worked out your teams, so trust your partners and trust your gut.” The Chief pointed to the large print-out of the warehouse and its surroundings, that Simon and Eddie had taped to his kitchen wall. “Trying to get through those massive metal main doors isn’t practical. Therefore, you’ll be entering through the concealed entrance. And unless they’ve been dumb enough to leave the door unlocked, we’ll be using controlled explosives to get in.

“If we’d had more time to prepare, we could have taken a stealthier approach and cut through the metal door with a thermal lance or something fancy, but clearly that’s not the case, so bear with me.”

The Chief tapped the photo. “Five members from Team One will remain outside during the entire operation. Simon and Eddie will guard the main exit. Phillip and Cruz can take the side exit and Jamie will report from the end of the dirt road. All five of you will provide backup on the inside if necessary. Any questions so far?”

“No sir.” The Bureau agents replied, while the others simply shook their heads.

“Good. That leaves sixteen men. Team Two is taking the lead on this mission. The first eight; Michael, Nate, John, Ty, Vicky, Slater, Paul and Francisco C will enter in two-man cells, and the rest follow in the same pattern.” The Chief trailed off to glance slowly around the room; his gaze taking in all the faces before him.

“You are all highly-trained, capable and trusted, and that’s the reason we asked you to take this mission. We realize that you’re putting your lives on the line for this, and we can’t tell you how much we appreciate your help. Jason’s life is in your hands now. Utilize your training, trust your gut and don’t get dead.” He finished.

I glanced at the faces around us; some familiar, some not. These were the men who had answered our calls and had come running without a moment’s thought. These were the men who I would be trusting with not only Jason’s life, but my own. These were the men I would also need to keep safe.

When the mission ended, I would be indebted to every face in the room, and I had no issues with that. The moment we stepped foot out of this house, the twenty men, some friends, some strangers, would become my brothers in arms. I sent up a silent prayer that they all made it out of this alive.

Team One

Simon

Eddie

Bruno

Phillip

Perez

Cruz

Anthony

Chan

Tank

Jamie

Team Two

Michael

Nate

John

Ty

Vicky

Slater

Paul

Alex

Carpenter

David

Francisco C

We all turned to the Eddie’s massive kitchen counter, which had once again been cleared; this time for weapons. Simon, who was charged with giving us the breakdown, rubbed his hands together in glee, as his eyes took in all the gear my father had somehow managed to get his hands on in the two and a half hours since Jason’s call.

“Okay, gather ’round ladies.” He said. When all were facing him, he began. “We’ve got our standard gear; a little bit of the usual Bureau stuff, mixed with some military grade equipment. Thank you Chief.” Simon saluted, and beside him Eddie rolled his eyes.

“Over here we’ve got our tactical vests, helmets, combat knives, radios, flashlights, earpieces, goggles, battering ram, flexi cuffs (a.k.a our heavy duty zip ties) and the ghillie suits, which I’ve always wanted to wear to be honest.” He said, then took a step to the side and gestured to the next row of items.

“Next, we’ve got our side arms. I’m sure we all recognize the HK 45 pistols, so just a quick refresher. These are semi automatic, .45 calliber with, not the usual eight this time, but fifteen round magazines—”

“Speed this up Grayson.” The Chief barked, and Simon’s sighed.

“Then we have our Glock 20, Beretta M9 and the Colt M1911, which I’m sure our military guys will appreciate. Then over here, our submachine guns; the MP5SD, UMP45, some with red dot sights, some with reflex sights and others with EOTech Holographic sight. And of course, we have our carbines and rifles; the M4 Carbine with ACOG scope, which as you military people may know, is a medium range magnification scope with a four time zoom. Emphasis on medium range .

“We also have the Scar-H, M16A4, tear gas grenade canisters, stun grenades and our riot shields.” He pointed to the next item on the counter. “This is a modified Alford Strip, which as you know, is a polycarbonet frame filled with gel explosives. And of course, it comes with a reel of Breacher’s tape.

“Oh, and there’s only one shotgun 870 MCS, so have fun fighting over that.” Simon surveyed the table again. “And yeah, that’s it.”

“What about this?” Eddie asked as he picked up a square blob of play dough.

Simon immediately pulled it from his hands, placed it into a small pouch, drew the strings together and tucked it away into his pocket. “That’s mine.” He said. “Semtex explosive.” He shrugged.

“Dig in guys.” The Chief announced, and a moment later, we were all suiting up.

It took us ten minutes to gather our gear and put ourselves together. As the guys made their way outside, I swept Timmy off the floor and hugged him close, before planting a kiss on his plump cheek.

“I’ll be back. Okay babe?” I said. “I want you to be good for Poppy while I’m gone.”

Timmy nodded. I felt torn as I handed him off to my father, who wouldn’t be playing an active field role in the operation.

“Mom’s coming to get him, right?” I asked my dad, and he nodded.

“Be careful out there Michael. Watch your six.”

“I will.”

I looked at Timmy again, and I wished I could tell him that I was leaving to get his daddy, but the fear inside me held the words back. As much as I was determined to bring Jason home, making promises like that to a hurting two year old felt irresponsible. I didn’t want to cause him any more grief.

So, I said the words in my head, feeling devastated that I would be leaving Timmy behind; even if just for a few hours. I leaned in and kissed his forehead. “I love you buddy.” I told him. “I’ll see you soon.”

With one last long look at him, I secured my weapons, and headed out the door. There were three utility vans lingering in Eddie’s driveway. I hopped into the first one and pulled the sliding door closed. The van jerked forward, and a moment later we were off.

I closed my eyes and cleared my mind of everything but the mission, as I always did before a big field operation. I pictured the warehouse and replayed our plan in my mind over and over again. I also created different scenarios and carefully worked out how to approach each.

Minutes later, I opened my eyes and relaxed my body enough to sway with the motion of the vehicle. Beside me, John and Nate were talking in hushed tones. Otherwise, there was silence. I reached into my pocket and turned off my cell phone, then deposited it into the compartment at the back of the seat in front of me. I watched as the others followed suit. But just before John could hit his off button, his phone rang.

He glanced down at the screen, shook his head, then put it to his ear.

“Kyle?” he answered, and despite my mood, I chuckled, as did Nate. “No. Why?”

John fell silent, and we were left to wonder just what type of craziness Kyle was spouting this time.

“I’m confused. How is that even possible?” John asked. There was a long pause, then; “Why did you do that then? You could have just—”

John sighed and beside me Nate continued to chuckle.

“Just call the plumber—no don’t touch it, don’t even look at it. Call the plumber.”

As much as his relationship amused me, and as much as they seemed like an odd match, they somehow ended up being perfect for each other. I recalled the love-hate relationship between the two of them during our time undercover at the prison. And by love-hate, I mean that Kyle loved and John hated.

It was crazy to witness just how much they had grown since. They were a strange pair, that was for sure, but as we drove into the unknown, I found that I envied them their ability to hear each other’s voices, even if it was only through bickering. John had Kyle but my future with my love was up in the air.

“Kyle if you flood out my house, I’m gonna kill you. I swear to God.”

Francisco C, who sat in the front passenger seat of the vehicle, glanced back with a raised brow.

“Good.” John was saying. A moment later he took a deep breath and released it slowly. “Yeah, I’ll be home in a few hours.” Another pause. “Yes, I’ll be wearing full protective gear. Yes, Nate and Michael too, and all the others. Yes.”

I glanced at John at the sound of my name.

“Yup. Love you too.” John didn’t hesitate after he ended the call. He quickly powered down his phone and dropped it into the compartment in front of him. Then he closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose and took another deep breath.

No one questioned him afterwards, because the prickly John was only patient when it came to his lover Kyle. And even then, his patience extended only so far.

From there on, the journey continued in silence.

It was six thirty-three a.m. when we pulled up at the end of the dirty road and jumped out. We immediately made our way toward the cover of the trees as the vans took off. Other than Jamie, who had been tasked with lookout duty at the end of the dirt road, we ran in our Teams through the sparse forestry.

I was thankful for the cover of partial darkness as we traversed the terrain. We made quick work of it. By the time we saw an opening in the trees, which gave us view of the old warehouse, ten minutes had passed.

Simon and Eddie broke away from the group, and I crouched to watch them as they quickly and quietly made their way through the trees and around to the foliage close to the massive main doors. They had already donned their ghillie suits, so, had I not been watching their progress, I would have missed them completely as they crouched there with their weapons drawn.

I stayed only long enough to watch, through squinted eyes, as Simon navigated through the bushes, ducked behind one of the three cars that were parked close to the entrance, and carefully laid the now rolled Semtex explosive a few yards in front of the main doors, but thankfully, out of range of the cheap camera on the wall.

I signaled to the others and we continued on. It was less than a minute before we met up with Phillip and Cruz, who had been sent there hours before to scope out the area. With a series of hand signals, I relayed the Chief’s order that they keep watch outside the concealed entrance.

Cruz moved to the very edge of the forestry and pointed to the entrance, which was partially concealed by tall grass. Nate and I took off quietly, followed closely by the others. We moved in pairs side by side and broke off so that each of us was standing on either side of the door. When we all lined the walls on either side of the door, Nate pulled out his knife and quickly chopped away as much of the grass as he could. He quickly tried the door, which didn’t budge, as expected.

I fitted the Alford Strip to the frame of the door, while Nate unreeled and cut the Breacher’s tape and affixed it to each side.

Satisfied that the Strip was secured, we shifted down the wall on either side of the door, each standing at a safe distance away. I held up three fingers, then two, then one, and the moment Nate pushed the button on the remote detonator, the explosion sounded.

The metal door blew inward off its hinges. Still, we waited a moment longer. Nate and I each pulled a stun grenade from the pocket of our cargo pants. I pulled the pin and threw it into the room, then Nate followed the action in rapid succession.

They went off, and a moment later we peeled ourselves off the wall. Nate picked up the riot shield from the ground at his feet, and with the shield held firmly before him, and his side arm in his hand, he entered. I followed close behind him so that we were both covered by the shield. I propped the barrel of my weapon on to very top of his shoulder, and we walked quickly, but cautiously into the room. The others followed behind in pairs in a like fashion; two men to a shield; both with their weapons drawn.

Screams and shouts from the inhabitants rent the air in some far off areas of the warehouse. The entryway was empty save for a backless, rusted metal chair that stood in one corner. We made our way through the archway and into a narrow hallway, keeping our eyes peels up ahead. We broke away and pushed open the first door we came across. There was a bed, a bookshelf and a small empty trash can. We did a quick sweep.

“Room clear.” Nate breathed into his earpiece.

“Room clear.” John’s voice sounded in the earpiece moments later.

“One hostile disarmed and secured.” Came Vicky’s voice.

Back out in the hallway, we continued our sweep. We came upon an intersection, and we went left. The door we came upon was slightly ajar, and we pushed it open and stepped in quickly.

It was some sort of makeshift medical bay. There was a small narrow bed, old medical equipment and dirty cabinets filled with bottles of what I assumed to be pharmaceuticals.

I gritted my teeth when I saw the drops of dried blood on the cream colored sheets. I had to fight hard not to imagine it was Jason’s.

“Hands in the air! Get down!” Carpenter’s shouts could be heard down the hall. A moment later, his voice chipped in over my earpiece. “One hostile secured.”

“Room clear.” I said, and once again we moved out.

“No visible threats so far” Francisco C reported.

There were no more doors in the hallway, so Nate and I quickly walked along, until finally, we came upon an opening. We pressed our backs to the wall, and a heartbeat later, with his weapon aimed, Nate glanced around the corner.

A series of shots blasted the wall above his head, and he ducked back in. “Drop your weapon!” he shouted, and more shots lodged into the wall behind which we stood. I glanced toward a metal table not far from the hallway’s opening, and signaled to Nate.

Ducked in his position, he swung his arm around the corner and fired off a few shots to cover me as I ran, flipped the table and ducked behind it. I peeked out over the top and spotted the boot of our shooter behind a wall at the far end of the room.

The asshole somehow hadn’t spotted me yet. I flattered myself to the floor, positioned my weapon and fired. The bullet pierced his leg and the blood spilled as he dropped his gun, and fell to the ground screaming.

The moment he disappeared completely behind the wall, Nate and I took action. We kept low as we crossed the wide, open space. I spun and aimed when I saw movement to my left, then relaxed somewhat when it turned out to be two of our guys entering the space from the second hallway.

Using the side of my boot, I swept the man’s gun from the floor where it had landed. Nate burst around the corner with his weapon trained on the hostile, who was still clutching at his leg, as he screamed in agony.

I waved our guys over; Anthony and Chan, I realized. “Secure him.” I said. “We’re moving ahead.”

We left them to it, and stepped over the assailant as we continued down the new hallway. There was chaos all around us. Gun fire was being exchanged in different parts of the warehouse. There was shouting, sounds of glass shattering, and wall blasting apart from numerous bullets. There was also screaming and the pounding of boots against the concrete floors.

We kept our heads low, our weapons trained and our ears open as we navigated through the debris along the hallway. It looked as though some of our men had already passed through, judging by the bullet holes in the walls, and the overturned furniture along the hallway floors.

We couldn’t be too sure though. When we broke around the corner, we found ourselves in another open area. We had made it to the center of the warehouse, evidenced by the massive metal doors at the end of the room.

I took in the papers strewn across the floor, the shattered glass along the wall, which appeared to be a gun case of sorts. There were still numerous guns hanging inside, and I took that as a good sign.

“Hostile secured.” Chan reported.

“Roger that.” I returned.

“Two hostiles down.” John’s voice chimed into my earpiece.

“Copy.” Nate responded.

Based on the reports so far, at least five enemies were accounted for; three cuffed and two dead. I wondered how many were left.

“Hostile secured.” Another voice, Tank, sounded in my ear.

Make that six.

“Down, down, down!” Someone shouted somewhere on the other side of the warehouse, then a moment later, an explosion sounded, and rocked the earth.

“Fuck me.” Nathan cursed, as we froze. I allowed a minute to pass before I spoke.

“Roll call.” I said into the earpiece. One by one, the men reported in. I nodded to myself. No casualties on our end.

“Whose explosives?” I questioned the teams.

“Enemy.” David responded.

As Nate and I progressed further into the large room, we took in other things; like the Jeep parked inside the space; a few yards from the door. I made my way over to it. I glanced in. No keys.

“Chan, Anthony, on me.” I ordered. While we waited for their approach, we continued to search the room. I spun around quickly, when a blood curdling scream rose up from across the room.

“Hands up, stay on your knees.” Nate said, with his weapon trained on someone across the room.

“Please don’t shoot. Please.” The voice of a female sobbed. My eyes shifted around the room as I tried to keep watch on the four openings.

In his corner, Nate ensured that the sobbing woman; girl really, was unarmed, then zip tied her hands to the leg of a metal table that had been bolted to the ground.

Just then, Anthony and Chan appeared around the corner. I pointed to the blue door at the far end of the room, while I opened the other door at the opposite end. The room was empty of people, but the desks were stacked high with black bags. I could hazard a guess that the bags contained some sort of controlled substance.

“Room clear.” I announced, and a second later, Anthony announced the same.

“I don’t want to leave a wall filled with weapons here for the taking.” I told the two of them, and they nodded in understanding.

“Three hostiles down.” Came Bruno’s voice over the ear piece.

Finally, all sounds of shooting stopped.

The next entry way was another hallway that led to a room with shower stalls. Nate and I carefully combed through each stall, then gave the clear for the area.

We then retraced our steps to the main room, and Nate pointed to the other entryway across from us. We entered cautiously. There was an empty room to the right, and one directly ahead.

We entered the one ahead first.

“Room clear.” Bruno reported in my earpiece.

It was a room filled with racks upon racks of clothing. My eyes scanned the room carefully, as we did our sweep. The room itself was empty, but the rattling, in what looked to be a portable closet on wheels, gave me pause.

Nate and I exchanged a look, and with weapons trained, we slowly approached the door. Nate and I positioned ourselves on either side of the closet door, placed our hands quietly on the knobs and at the count of three, we pulled them open.

There was a shout, and the hands of the little man sitting inside, went up.

“Out.” I commanded, as he all but fell out of the closet in his attempt to stand. On your knees, hands behind your head.“

“Make the mistake of touching the weapon at your waist and you’ll be dead before you can draw.” Nate’s voice was cold as we warned him.

I disarmed him, and zip-tied his hands at his back, then tied him to a metal rung protruding from the wall.

“Hostile secured.” Nate reported.

“Hostile secured.” Vicky’s voice sounded not a second later.

I crouched next to the little man, and when my eyes met his, he flinched. “Where’s Jason.” I asked.

When he shook his head, I stood and aimed the weapon at his knee. “I’m not above, blasting your knee caps. So you decide.” I said. “Your knees, or Jason. You’ve got two seconds.”

“The room right there!” the man shouted, spittle flying from his mouth as he did.

“Be specific.” I said, and he swallowed hard.

“It’s right next to this one. That’s where we keep him.” He said.

“Hostile down.” John’s voice sounded in my earpiece.

With one last look at the cowering asshole, Nate and I took our leave. My heart was in my chest as we approached the next door. This is where they had held him, if the bastard could be believed.

We took up positions on either side of the door, but before we could attempt to open it, it swung inward. “Come out with your hands up!” Nate shouted.

We stood on either side of the doorway. A second passed and Nate repeated.

We heard a thud, then the door swung further in. “I’m on my knees. Don’t shoot!”

We moved swiftly into the small room, weapons trained on one very large man, who was indeed on his knees in the center of the room.

“Hands on your head.” Nate ordered, and he complied without hesitation.

The room was small and dusty and similar in every way to the other bedrooms we had cleared earlier. Except that on the bed, there were scattered photographs of me and Timmy, and I knew without a doubt, that Jason had been held here.

I watched as Nate pulled the zip ties from one of his pockets, but the moment he took a step forward, the big guy dropped his hands and reached for his something at his waist. I fired off a warning shot, which broke through the floor boards at the guy’s knees, and he froze.

“Try anything again, and you’re a dead man.” I said.

Big guy returned his hands to his head, and this time Nate tied his hands behind his back. I watched as he checked him for weapons and found a gun at his waist and a knife in his boot.

I picked up a picture from the bed and felt a chill run up my spine when I realized that all the pictures were recent. They had been taken at Timmy’s school, on different days. I could only imagine the fear that Jason had felt when he had realized that his son was being watched.

“Where is he?” I asked the hostile. My voice was calm and my eyes never moved from the picture.

I got no response. I dropped the photograph on the bed, and Nate stepped away from the guy, turning so that he had eyes on the door as well as on what was happening in the room. I went to stand in front of the guy, and he glanced up at me with a wide grin.

“Let me go and I’ll tell ya.” He said, and I turned to look at Nate, who averted his eyes.

I crouched in front of him so that we were eye level. I was silent for a while as I took in his grimy face, his beady eyes and his weak chin.

“This isn’t the FBI, this isn’t the police, this isn’t a governmental organization.” I told him. “Which means we have no rules to follow.” I let that soak in, and watched as the wide toothy grin slid from his big face.

“He growled at me like the animal he was and tried to head butt me with his meaty dome. I smashed my fist into his face and he reeled back, blood dripping from his cut lip.

I watched in disgust as he licked it away, then spat on the floor in front of me.

“He’s dead.” He said. “We gutted him.” Then he laughed, and the blood drained from my face.

“Michael.” I heard the warning in Nate’s voice as he took a step closer to us, but I ignored him trying to wrap my mind around the words that had just been spoken.

“Where’s Jason.?” I asked again, because there was no way he’d said what I thought he’d said. There was no way I could have heard that right. Not now. Not after everything.

“We gutted him asshole, and he screamed like a little bitch.” He spat, and my next punch broke his nose. The guy laughed, even with the blood draining down his face and into his mouth, he laughed as though it were the most amusing thing in the world. A numbness settled over me.

I could feel the hard surface of the knife that was strapped to my leg. Every time I moved, it brushed against my skin, reminding me that it was there. I reached for it.

“Civilian

located. He’s

safe

and ready for evac .“ Bruno’s voice sounded in my earpiece.

I felt the air whoosh out of me.

I stood and my eyes snapped to Nate, who looked equally surprised.

“Repeat, Repeat.” I said, my voice shaking and another voice chipped in.

“We’ve got him Michael. Jason is safe.” John responded.

My entire body flushed with heat at his words, and I pressed my hand to my heart as intense relief washed over me. I placed a hand on the wall in case my legs gave out, and when I glanced again at Nate, he was grinning. My answering smile was so wide, that my cheeks hurt.

“What’s your location?” I asked the guys, blinking away the tears of relief that had come to my eyes.“

“Turn right at the first intersection and follow the hallway into the main room.” John spoke.

I glanced at Big guy, who was now looking at me in confusion.

“You should be lucky you’re still alive, asshole.” Nate said as he tied his hands to the foot of the bed, then tied his feet together as an added precaution.

At the first intersection, we had turned left, while John had gone right. We would simply need to retrace our steps. The men who had turned taken our route were still carrying out their sweep of the other rooms in our section of the warehouse, and we passed them here and there as we went in search of John and Bruno.

Despite the fact that all rooms had been already been cleared along our path, we remained vigilant as we went in search of our team. This would be the worst time to let our guard down; when it seemed we were finally close to the finish line.

Despite this though, my mind began to fill with images of Jason. I was anxious to see his face, to hold him in my arms, to taste his lips and to hear his voice. My pace quickened, and by default, so did Nate’s. When we got to the second hallway that housed the makeshift medical bay, we went straight ahead, down the hallway John and the others had gone.

It was a long, winding hall, with many opened doors along the way which had already been cleared. A small explosion shook the floors again, and Nate and I fell to the ground and waited.

I heard shouts, and scrambling not far away.

We waited a beat, then we were tearing down the hallway towards the opening. We skidding to a halt when we turned the corner and saw our guys. There were four of them standing with their weapons aimed at an old bald man, who had taken someone hostage. He had a gun to the boy’s head.

On the floor not far away from him, a bloodied Bruno groaned. He was clutching his side, which was stained with blood, and his head, above his right eye had been sliced open. The blood there flowed freely.

“Let him go.” John’s voice sounded cold and unrelenting in quiet room.

I glanced at the two again, my weapon also trained on the bald guy. It was only when I allowed myself to focus for a moment on the face of his hostage, that I realized just who it was that the guy was holding.

His black curls, which usually fell to the very top of his shoulders had been shorn away, and what remained of the short cropped hair on his head was dyed a dirty blond color that almost completely transformed his face. But it was him. A moment to focus on his face and it was unmistakable who was standing there. It was Jason.

The old, bald guy, held him in front of him like a shield, with his hand secured around Jason’s neck. In his other hand, he held a gun, which, thankfully, was pointed our way.

I didn’t hesitate. I cocked my weapon, aimed it and pulled the trigger. The asshole’s body jerked with the impact as the bullet sliced through his shoulder and the gun fell from his hand. Then I aimed the weapon again, and pulled the trigger. The bullet went through his thigh this time, and finally he felt to the ground, dragging Jason down with him.

The others were quick to move, sweeping the enemy’s weapon far out of his reach, and pulling Jason away from him. While the kept their weapons trained on the old guy, who was groaning on the floor in abject pain, I made my way over to Jason in three long strides and took hold of his upper arm.

“Are you hurt anywhere?” I questioned him, but he was unresponsive as he blinked up at me, eyes wide as he hyperventilated.

“Bruno’s been hit. Moving out.” Perez reported to the rest of the team, as he and Alex, tended as best they could to Bruno’s injuries, and lifted him off the ground.

“Civilian’s with me. Evac underway.” I also reported to the others, and Nate took the lead as the six of us made our way back through the second hallway, down the first, through the archway, stepping carefully over the dented metal door on the ground, and finally outside into the crisp air.

We walked until we were under the cover of the trees where Phillip and Cruz had set up their lookout, and they set Bruno down in the grass. His side had been sliced open when shattered glass resulting from the explosion had fallen on him, but he’d been wrapped up nice and tight, and would be fine.

I turned to Jason, who was sitting on the ground with his knees drawn up to his chest and his hands over his ears. He was still hyperventilating, and no matter what I said to him, he failed to respond.

I put my hands on either side of his face, and forced him to look at me, then when I saw no recognition in his eyes; only fear. I realized why.

I released him, and reached up to pull off my helmet and my goggles, and let them drop onto the forest floor at my feet. I took his face into my hands again, and forced his head up.

“Jace, baby, it’s me.” I told him. “It’s Michael.”

As he watched me looking stricken, his clouded eyes finally began to clear, and his brows creased.

“Michael.” He said in between gasps.

“It’s me baby. I’m here.”

That’s when his face crumpled and he threw his arms around me as he sobbed.

“Hostile secured.” John reported in my earpiece .

“Carrying out a full sweep” Ty’s voice also sounded.

As the guys secured the warehouse, I held Jason’s sobbing frame close to me. He was safe. He was finally in my arms, and after two weeks of whatever it was that he had gone through, I gave him his time to grieve.

The sweep lasted about fifteen minutes, and finally the ‘All Clear’ sounded over everyone’s earpiece. I released a breath.

“All hostiles cuffed and secure for transport.” Anthony reported moments later.

Beside me, Nate gave the order to the drivers to bring the vans around.

Ten minutes later, when the first van came to a stop in front of the warehouse, Perez and Alex lifted Bruno to his feet and carried him off to it. I followed close behind with Jason, who had finally quieted down, and who now clung to my arm, as though afraid that I would somehow melt away.

The guys loaded the prisoners into two other vans that the chief had sent up, and our guys loaded up into the three we had taken in. Four of our men would remain on the scene until reinforcements arrived to collect evidence, bodies and the usual.

Though Jason was given a seat beside me, he scrambled into my lap the moment the van door slid shut. I wrapped my arms around him, and chuckled as he rained down little kisses all over my face. For once he didn’t seem to care that there were others around, and I was just grateful to have him back.

When he pulled away, he was looking down at me; eyes filled with wonder.

“You came for me.” He said, as though he somehow couldn’t wrap his mind around it.

“Always.” I told him simply and honestly.

“Roll call.” Nate ordered, and, one by one the men spoke their names into the earpieces.

“Michael.” I said, when it was my turn, then ripped the ear piece from my head and gave Jason my full attention.

“Let’s go see Timmy.” I said.

“Yeah.” Jason nodded, with a small smile on his face and tears rolling down his cheeks. “Let’s go see Timmy.”

The van jerked forward and finally, we were off. I wrapped my arms around his waist, and held him against me where he belonged. There was no way in hell I was ever letting him go again.

                          AUTHOR’S NOTES

NO, WE’RE NOT DONE. MORE CHAPTERS TO COME!

Thanks for reading!

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Nate, Kyle and John are from my book Cell Mates. Go give it a read!

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-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Chapter 31: Let’s go home

Chapter 31

There was something surreal about walking hand in hand with Jason up my parents’ driveway. After all the time we had spent apart, I couldn’t get enough of him. It was as though I had to be touching some part of him at all times in order to believe he was really there. All through the ride over with the guys, I’d kept my arms wrapped around his waist as he’d sat in my lap.

Every so often, I would find myself seeking out his lips and he would do the same. The fact that he was so open about these displays of affection, which went completely against his character, was testament of the fact that the whole ordeal had been traumatic.

Now came the healing, and I would do everything possible to ensure he got past this. As we walked, I turned my face up to the sky for a moment and said a silent thank you to whoever was listening. Thank you for bringing him back to me.

Suddenly, the sun, which was barely peaking through the clouds, felt warmer, and the slight breeze ruffling the hair at the nape of my neck, was the perfect temperature. Suddenly, everything felt right with the world, and when father and son finally reunited, everything would fall into place and I would never let our peace shatter again.

My dad pulled the door open before I could lift a hand to knock. He gave me a nod in acknowledgment and looked me over in that silent contemplative way he always did after every assignment. When he was satisfied that I’d returned in one piece, he looked at Jason and did the same. Though Jason, who’s eyes were roaming the living room in search of his son, didn’t notice a thing.

When my dad held out a hand toward him, he glanced down in confusion for a moment, then finally, pulled his good hand from mine and shook it.

“Welcome back son.” My father greeted and Jason nodded quickly.

“Thank you sir. Where’s Timmy?”

“He’s in the kitchen having his breakfast. I didn’t tell him you were on your way back. I figured it would be the best surprise.”

Jason nodded, and as he moved away from us, I patted my dad’s shoulder and followed.

Just like dad said, Timmy was sitting around the kitchen table, humming as he ate his cereal. I watched as he swung his legs back and forth; ever fidgeting. It had been a long time since I’d seen him eating breakfast fully clothed, but then, when my mom spoke, Timmy listened.

“Hi Timmy.” Jason called quietly. Timmy’s head snapped up instantly, and those tiny pajama-clad legs froze mid swing. “Hey babe.” Jason said with a wide smile.

When Timmy’s eyes landed on his face, I could see the exact moment when it registered to him that the man who was standing there was his father. His beautiful eyes widened and his mouth opened in the widest grin his face could muster. I felt all the happiness in me bubble to the surface, when he dropped his spoon and climbed quickly down from the chair; almost falling on his face in the process.

“Daddy!” Timmy’s little voice was loud with excitement and disbelief as he squealed and ran as quickly as his short legs could take him, right into his father’s open arms.

Jason, who had crouched on the floor to receive him, wrapped his arms tightly around him, and I watched as Timmy pressed his head into Jason’s neck.

“I missed you so much babe.” Jason whispered to him with a shaking voice. A moment later, I could hear his quiet breaths as the tears rolled down his face. “I missed you so much.”

My dad, who had also been watching the heartfelt reunion, melted silently out of the room. As I watched them, clinging to each other as though their lives depended on it, I acknowledged for about the millionth time, just how much I loved them both, but it was more than that.

I didn’t know what to call it, but suddenly it felt deeper and more lasting than it ever had before, and I didn’t know how I’d managed to live my life without them before. Now I couldn’t imagine not waking up to Timmy’s noisy footsteps on the wooden floors. I couldn’t imagine not standing in the kitchen with Jason on a warm Sunday morning watching him make us coffee.

Suddenly, nothing before I’d met them felt important. I must have been a shell of a man before, because suddenly, my boys made me whole.

Timmy pulled slightly away from Jason, and placed his hands on either side of Jason’s face. I tilted my head to the side and grinned as I watched his eyes roam slowly over his father face. I found myself thinking that a kid so young shouldn’t be wearing such a serious, all-knowing expression.

He blinked a few times fast and my heart ached when I realized that the tears would be coming soon.

“Daddy no haf hair Micha.” Timmy suddenly wailed, and not a second later, his chin began to tremble and he was falling apart in his father’s arms.

I crouched next to them, and ran a hand along Timmy’s back.

“It’ll grow back Timmy. You’ll see.’ I tried and failed to assure him.

Jason took a shaky breath and reached up to wipe at the tears streaming down his son’s face.

“Let’s just go home Michael.” His voice was shaking as he said it. “I want everything to go back to normal now. We should just go home.”

“Alright.” I said. “Let’s just make a quick stop to the hospital first and get your arm checked out, then we’ll go home.”

I hadn’t failed to notice the way he had been favoring his injured arm since the rescue, and judging from the smudge of blood on his shirt, it seemed like whatever shoddy stitch job they’d performed had come undone.

Still, Timmy continued to cry. He reached up briefly to pat Jason’s hair, then pressed his face into his dad’s neck and sobbed as though he’d lost his best friend. I rubbed his back, while Jason patted the back of his head.

“He’s just overwhelmed by everything. I think after all this time, it’s finally catching up to him.”

Jason bit his lip and nodded. “I just wanna go home.”

“Alright. Let me just tell my parents we’re leaving and then we can go.”

I took the stairs two at a time, and pushed open my old room door when I reached the end of the hall. I found my mom packing up Timmy’s small bag of clothes and my dad sitting in the chair by the window packing up the toys Timmy had brought over.

“Hey mom.” I greeted as I entered.

She looked up with a wide smile. “Hi sweetie. I wanted to come down as soon as he came, but I knew he’d want his time with Timmy.” She said. “I’m so happy he’s safe sweetheart.” She paused in her packing to place her hands over her heart. “I prayed every night that he’d come back to us safe.”

“I know. Thanks mom.” I said as I enveloped her in a hug.

She patted my side when I pulled away and handed me Timmy’s bag.

“How is he? Is he okay?”

I glanced at dad who was watching us silently.

“No, I don’t think he is.” I said. “But, he’s back now and he has his family.”

“That’s right sweetheart. He’s got us.” She patted my cheek. “Let’s go down.” She gestured to dad, who cleared his throat and stood.

When we got downstairs, it was to see Jason and Timmy standing in the living room. Timmy’s tears had all but subsided and he stood before his father with his arms raised.

“Lif daddy, lif!”

“I can’t right now Timmy. I hurt my arm so I gotta wait ’till it gets better.”

“Daddy, why you no lif Timmy?” he whined.

“I told you, daddy hurt his arm. But I promise when I get better, I’m gonna lift you whenever you want.

Timmy frowned, but took hold of Jason’s hand. “Daddy hurting?”

Jason nodded. “Yeah.” He said, then patted his arm gently. “Right here.”

“Micha make it aw bedder daddy.” He assured Jason with a confident nod, and when Jason smiled, I felt my own lips tilt upward in a grin.

“Oh, Jason sweetheart.” My mom pushed past me and enveloped him in a hug; squishing Timmy between them in the process. I chuckled when Timmy started giggling between them. “You poor boy.” Mom continued, and behind me dad sighed.

“She’s gonna smother the kid.” He muttered to himself.

“Who, Timmy?” I questioned with a grin.

He frowned. “Both.”

I folded my arms in front of me and laughed.

“Haven’t heard that sound out of your mouth in a while.” Dad commented then. I glanced his way and he nodded. “I’m glad it all worked out.”

I dropped a hand onto his shoulder. “Thanks for all your help dad.”

“No need to thank me kid. Just watch out for him. He doesn’t look too right. He should get that gun shot wound taken care of.”

“Yeah, I know.” I said. “He wants to go home, so I plan to ask the doctor to make a house call.”

“Of course, and he needs to come down to the Bureau for an official statement. Don’t forget.”

I shook my head. “After what happened, I doubt I’ll be able to convince him to go there.”

Dad nodded thoughtfully. “I’ll see what I can do about getting it done at your place then.”

“Thanks Chief.”

“Are you sure you’re not hungry? I can easily whip something up in the kitchen sweetheart. It’s no trouble.” My mom was saying to Jason, who was looking overwhelmed and embarrassed as he shook his head.

“I ain’t hungry or nothin’ ma’am. I swear.” He told her softly.

“Gwammy Timmy no hungee too.”

She glanced down at him in concern. “You didn’t finish your cereal?”

“It’s okay mom. I’ll feed them as soon as we get home.” I assured her, before taking the bag from dad and slinging it over my shoulder.

“Okay. Well, if you need anything at all, you call me.Alright?” She looked between me and Jason.

“You’ll be the first person we call. I promise.” I said. “But we’ll be fine.”

“You ready?” I asked Jason when I moved to stand beside him, and he nodded.

Jason chose to sit in the back with Timmy as I drove, and Timmy ate up all the attention. He talked a mile a minute about Liam and Bunny and the lady dentist that he loved. He told Jason about his art work that he’d done at school and how I’d put it on the fridge door so he could see it every day.

He also told him about the different type of grapes that I’d bought him that he wasn’t exactly a fan of, and about the one time I’d forgotten to cut the crust off his PB&J sandwich that I’d packed him for lunch. Apparently Liam didn’t mind crusts though, so the two year olds had switched lunches that day.

I shook my head as I listened to the kid blatantly throw me under the bus. Mostly, Jason laughed, until the next words came out of Timmy’s mouth.

“Micha give Timmy candy evwyday daddy.”

My eyes snapped to the rear view mirror where I noticed that Jason was looking at me, I shook my head.

“Not everyday. I gave him one time when he was in a bad mood, and it was just a lollipop.”

I glared at Timmy in the rearview and he blinked innocently up at me. Two could play at that game.

“Timmy flooded the house.”

“He did what?” Jason looked between us in surprise and I nodded.

“He turned on the kitchen sink one morning and flooded the place out. Then he sat and watched cartoons while I mopped.”

This time it was Timmy who glared while I watched him innocently.

“No daddy.” He said. “Timmy haf keen baby and bunny.”

Jason grinned, and pulled Timmy in for a hug. “I missed you guys.” He said. “You don’t even know.”

“We missed you too Jace.”

When Jason pulled away, Timmy frowned. “Daddy no leave Timmy.”

“I won’t. I swear. I aint goin’ nowhere again Timmy.”

“Daddy, no leave Micha.” He continued to my surprise, and there was a pause before Jason responded again.

“I won’t.”

“An no leave Bunny.”

Jason laughed at this, but when he faced forward with a quiet sigh and held my eyes in the mirror, I could see something heavy and burdensome in them.

“I got so much to tell you Michael.” He said softly. “Everything’s all connected and you don’t even know. Nothing makes sense and you can’t be trusting people or nothin’”

I nodded. “I’m ready to listen whenever you’re ready to talk.”

Another sigh. “Tomorrow.” He said. “I don’t wanna have to think today.”

Again I nodded. I’d just spent the last two weeks not knowing whether he was dead or alive. Whatever he wanted, was his.

“Timmy haf fwies daddy?”

“You hungry buddy?” I asked, and Timmy nodded.

“Never thought I’d miss burgers and fries when I was…gone, but I did.” Jason commented. So, of course I pulled into the drive-thru of the first fast food joint I saw on the way.

I ordered Timmy a large fries with orange juice, because he wasn’t partial to burgers and Jason and I ordered the usual. We parked in a space in the parking lot while we ate.

“I bet the water bill’s gonna be high after the flood, huh?” Jason asked around a mouthful of fries and I shrugged.

“I’ll take care of it. Don’t worry about it.” I said, but she shook his head.

“It’s my bill and I’m happy to worry about it. I can’t wait to worry about it.” He said. “I missed worrying about normal things like that.”

I turned on the AC when Timmy started the sweat, then handed him my untouched fries when he reached for it.

“Other than the obvious, what did you miss the most?” I asked him after a moment of silence passed.

“If by obvious you mean you and Timmy, then I missed being at home the most. I missed the bed, and the coffee maker and being out in the backyard, and bacon.” He finished with a small smile. “What about you?” he asked, lowering his eyes in that shy way that I was used to.

I smiled. “I missed you.” I said honestly. “I missed our Sunday coffee routine, and waking up together every morning. I missed just talking to you and watching you sing Timmy to sleep at night. I missed everything.”

“Did you think I was…” he trailed off, glancing at Timmy.

“Not for a second. I would have felt it if you had.”

Jason nodded.

“Haf some daddy?” Timmy asked, pointing to Jason’s milkshake.

I set aside my burger and Timmy took that away too.

“I’m sorry about how it all went down at the Bureau. Something like that shouldn’t have happened in a room full of agents.” I said. “It shouldn’t have happened on my watch.”

“No point in being sorry when it happened already. I ain’t never going back there though, and I don’t want Timmy going back there either.”

I nodded. “I’ll make sure of it.”

He bit his lip and looked out the window briefly. The rain had started drizzling, and for a while we watched the droplets hit the glass in silence.

“Kinda wish you wouldn’t go back there either.” He said so quietly, that if the car hadn’t been dead silent, I wouldn’t have heard it.

I didn’t know how to respond to that though, so I chose to say nothing. Instead, I turned to Timmy and watched him as he pulled apart my burger in his lap. First he took out the pickles, then he pulled out the onions and tomatoes and of course the lettuce. When he was satisfied with the end result, he took a bite.

“He’s eating more.” Jason commented. When I glanced up, I realized that he’d been watching Timmy too.

“Yeah. He has a healthy appetite these days. I was wondering if it was stress-eating, but maybe it’s just because he’s growing.”

He nodded. “I still can’t believe I’m here Michael. We were up there in the middle of nowhere and I never thought anybody would find me.”

“I never stopped looking for you.”

“Thanks. He said. “I really mean that.”

“I know.”

“So what happens now?”

“Tomorrow I’ll have to give a report and you’ll have to give a statement. My dad said he’d arrange to have it done at our place, so you don’t have to worry about going back to the bureau.”

He frowned. “What if the guy they send over isn’t who you think he is?”

“Details of the investigation is only accessible to a small group of agents who I trust with my life. Only those guys will even be allowed near the prisoners. We’ll get to the bottom of all this. Don’t worry.”

“Did you find Ronny?”

I shook my head. “I didn’t see him on my way in or out, but one of the others might have carried him in.”

“I never saw him when I woke up in there. Not in the whole two weeks.”

“Well if we don’t have him yet, we’ll get him eventually. I can promise you that.”

“They were watching you and Timmy the whole time.”

I nodded. “I saw the pictures.”

“That scared the shit outta me Michael. I was scared they’d do something. I was scared they’d—”

“They didn’t and they won’t. You’re safe now and we’ll all be fine. There’s no way I’ll let anything happen to either of you. Not again.”

“What about you?”

I smiled. “I can take care of myself.” I told him.

Jason rolled his eyes. “Says the guy who got shot in the shoulder.”

I laughed. I’d missed his sass. “Well look at the bright side. At least now we’ll have matching scars.”

“I want a scaw too.” Timmy demanded.

“No you don’t.” Jason and I said in unison, and then we were smiling at each other and I wanted to reach across and pull him into my arms.

“I no want no more Micha.” Timmy announced as he held out the mangled burger toward me. Jason took it from him instead and wrapped it up.

“Ready?”

“I’m ready.”

…………………………………..

We’d been home about an hour and I completely understood why Timmy had been stuck to Jason the entire time. Having Jason home suddenly made the place feel less big and lonely. It was as though all the happiness that had drained out of the house over the past two weeks had come flooding back and we were all grateful for it.

You could see the change in Timmy. After Jason’s disappearance he’d been more careful, more grumpy and somehow less talkative. Yet, here he was now; chattering away as though he’d just gotten a new mouth and was trying it out for the first time.

I loved it. I loved them.

The doctor had arrived about fifteen minutes after we’d gotten home, and she had tended to Jason’s wounds in our bedroom, while Timmy and I looked on in silence. He was going to be fine; she had assured us just before leaving, and that was another weight that was lifted off my shoulders.

He was back, but damn if I wasn’t still stressed. I found myself worrying that he’d experienced unthinkable horrors while incarcerated in the warehouse. I wondered if they’d hurt him in any way and how he was coping with that, but I couldn’t rush him. In fact, I didn’t want to rush him.

No matter what he’d been through, it couldn’t have been easy, but now that he was free and back home with us where he belonged, I wanted him to take his time to heal. I wanted him to come to me when he was ready. I wanted him to be happy again.

In many ways he did look happy though, and every smile he sent my way was like a soothing balm over my battered heart, but I could still see the shadows. I could still see the slight hint of fear in him whenever a car would pass by and his head would snap toward to door or window, as though he expected intruders to rush in at any moment.

I could see the worry in his eyes when he looked at Timmy; like if he didn’t watch his son closely enough, Timmy would disappear. And boy, did he watch Timmy. His eyes were never far from the little boy’s face, and he was always touching him; whether he was running his fingers through Timmy’s midnight curls, or pressing a hand against Timmy’s fat cheeks, or just hugging him close.

I loved that Timmy didn’t make a fuss. I loved that he was eating up all the attention Jason was giving him, because a boy needed his father, and he had been without for far too long. I especially loved the way Timmy’s little hands constantly strayed to Jason’s new hair. It was like he still couldn’t understand that it was gone. He patted it, and pinched the short strands between his fingers. At times he would comment on the color or the length.

Sometimes, it would seem as though he loved the new change, and at others, he would frown at it as though it were some kind of terrible evil that needed to be expelled. In the hour since we’d been back home, Timmy and Jason had become inseparable. I didn’t mind it though, because every few minutes, Jason’s eyes would search for me in the room, and the look in them would warm me from head to toe.

It was a look of gratefulness, of nervousness and longing. It was a look of happiness, of wonder and of love. Every time I would smile back at him, he would blush just like the first time we’d made love, and in that alone, there was power.

It meant that he was mine even after everything. It meant that finally, after all my wonder and fear and waiting, the man I loved more than anything was not only back, but he still felt the same way.

We spent a large part of the day just lying out on the couch; sometimes in silence, sometimes having long, but lighthearted conversations, because we still weren’t ready to tackle anything serious.

He insisted on making me coffee, and I sat at the counter in the kitchen and watched him. If his hands shook while he retrieved a cup from the cupboards, I didn’t comment on it. If he got teary-eyed as he stirred the sugar in the cup, I didn’t let on that I noticed.

I realized that while locked in his prison, he’d probably worried that he’d never get to do the simple, mundane things again; like make coffee, or lay on the couch with his son, or eat fast food in the car. Now that he was getting the chance to experience it all again, I would allow him his moments to be emotional. Eventually, it would pass and what had happened would be nothing but a bad memory.

When evening rolled around, I turned out the lights and climbed the stairs with a glass of water in hand. I could hear the spay of the shower against the tub in the bathroom, as well as Timmy’s little voice from behind the door.

I set down the glass on the nightstand and pushed open the door, to see Timmy seated quite comfortably on the closed toilet lid with Bunny in hand.

“An wed bunny bedder daddy.” He was saying to Jason, who I had no doubt, was struggling to hear him over the spray. “An Liam say wed bunny bedder and gwammy say Timmy haf wed bunny.”

“Really?” Jason replied.

“Yes daddy. Weally.”

“Then we gotta see if we can find red bunny for you then.”

Timmy hopped off the toilet cover and promptly pulled the shower curtains apart. His face was alight with glee, as he jumped up and down in the same spot, watching as Jason washed himself clean.

I stepped in and stood by the sink, where I listened to them talk as I brushed my teeth. Timmy alternated between addressing me and addressing Jason. He was like a hyper little monkey and I loved him that way. I loved him happy.

The expression he had as he told Jason about red bunny, was the same expression he’d had as he’d shown Jason his artwork from school. He’d been proud of it, and when Jason had told him just how perfect it was; Timmy had all but melted in happiness.

Liam was going to miss him for the rest of the week, because Timmy would be staying home with us as we tried to get used to the idea of Jason finally being back home and safe.

We all stepped out of the bathroom at the same time, and as was his usual routine after showering; Timmy crawled naked into my bed despite the clothes I offered him. He made sure to take up his place in the middle, even though it was nowhere near bedtime.

But I think he could also sense that Jason was beat. I sat against the headboard and watched as he climbed in on the other side of Timmy and slid slowly and carefully under the covers.

“I’m just gonna rest my eyes for like five minutes.” He said. “So don’t go nowhere. Okay?”

I nodded. “I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

He nodded drowsily. “Just five minutes.”

He slept for five hours.

…………………………

When he woke next, it was 10:00 p.m. and Timmy was fast asleep between us.

I’d been working on my report, but when his eyes drifted open and he yawned, I set my laptop aside.

“Don’t turn off the light.” He said when I made to pull the string of the lamp. I obliged him.

I slid under the covers and faced him.

“They didn’t hurt me or nothin’” he said. “in case you were wondering.” His blush was bright against his pale cheeks.

“I was.”

“They just kept saying they had plans for me. They never told me what sorta plans, but they were acting shady.” He yawned again. “I’m happy you came before anything happened.”

“Me too.”

His eyes roamed over my face. “You don’t look like you been eating.”

I shrugged. “Neither do you.”

“I was too scared and worried about what was gonna happen to you and Timmy, and what was gonna happen to me, and if I was ever gonna see you guys again.” Jason responded. “I guess you were probably worried too huh?”

“I was terrified Jace. I was almost sick to my stomach everyday with worry.”

He nodded as though he’d expected nothing less.

“I decided a lot of things when I was in that room.” He confessed. “The whole fucking time I was in there, I was thinking ‘bout how I never even told you that I loved you properly. I was thinking that you were gonna think I was dead and you were never gonna even know how I felt because I was too much of a scared little asshole to saying nothin’ to you.”

“I’ve always known how you feel about me.”

Jason sniffled, then wiped at his eyes with the edge of the blanket.

“It’s stupid not telling people how you really feel. Especially when you don’t got no real reason not to.” He said; voice straining. “I decided that if I ever saw you again, I would stop worrying about all the shit that don’t matter and just let everything out.”

“Yeah?”

He nodded. “Yeah. You’re gonna know everything now that I’m back. I’m gonna tell you when I’m happy and when I’m pissed off and when I’m feeling great and even when I’m fucking constipated.” He said. “Because what’s the point of keeping it all to myself, right?”

I laughed. “I want to hear everything.”

“Yeah. ’Cause I got a lot to tell you Michael. From the time I first saw you till now. I’ve got a lot of thoughts that I kept buried in my head for no good reason.”

Our eyes met and held. “Me too Jace.” I said, and he smiled.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” I told him.

He pulled his good arm out from under the blanket and held it out for me to take. I held onto it and squeezed gently.

“If you love me like you been saying, then we’ll just make sure we tell each other everything. Okay?”

“Okay.”

For a moment, his hand tightened in mine, then he pulled it away all together. I watched as he flipped onto his back and turned his eyes toward to ceiling.

“I love you.” He whispered, and though he was still too afraid to look at me while he said the words, they rang with a sincerity that I couldn’t deny.

“You know I love you too Jason.”

“And Timmy?” he asked it just like Timmy would have if he’d been awake.

“And Timmy.”

                                                   AUTHOR’S NOTES

THANKS FOR READING!

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-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.

Raising Timmy

Hi There!

Firstly, no A Home for Timmy isn’t over yet, so breathe. We still have a ways to go.

Secondly, while you wait for the new chapter, I’m inviting you all to add the sequel ‘Raising Timmy’ to your reading lists. You can find it over on my wattpad profile.

Also, I’ve posted a little sneak peek of the sequel there as well, so for those of you who are interested, go check it out.

The next chapter of A Home For Timmy will be posted shortly!

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Chapter 32: The fear in his eyes

Chapter 32

I handed Timmy the napkins, and picked up the tray from the counter. We’d woken up early and had gone downstairs to make breakfast for Jason, who was still asleep. We were going to treat him to a nice breakfast in bed, and Timmy was excited. He hopped up and down impatiently as he watched me moved across the room carefully with the full tray in hand.

“Go up first Timmy.” I instructed, and waited for him to begin slowly climbing up the stairs on his short legs. When we got to the top, he took off down the short hallway and pushed open the door to my room.

“Daddy no seeping Micha.” He announced when I got there. I set the tray on the bed, just as Jason stepped out of the bathroom; a towel slung over his shoulders and his cropped hair dripping wet.

“We were going to give you breakfast in bed.” I told him with a smile. Timmy watched him in devastation; as though Jason had committed some great crime, and I laughed. I noticed how Jason’s eyes softened when he looked at me and I felt the familiar warmth pool in me chest.

“It’s okay. I can just go back to bed.” Jason said; and true to his words, he crawled right back in, careful not to jar his arm, which the doctor had put in a sling.

He patted the bed beside him when he was finally seated under the covers, but Timmy climbed up and crawled into his lap. I set the tray down before him, and sat on the bed to watch them. The moment was surreal and I was still somehow trying to wrap my head around the fact that Jason was home.

It had been only a few short hours and I felt like I couldn’t get enough of him, and Timmy was no different. I handed him Timmy his milk; in a sippy cup this time because he was sure to spill it otherwise.

Jason glanced at me. “Aren’t you guys gonna eat too?”

“We already ate.”

“I don’t think I can finish all of this. Pretty sure my stomach’s smaller than before…” he trailed off, and took a bite out of his blueberry pancakes. “I was missing this too.”

Timmy picked up one of Jason’s grapes and squashed it between his fingers.

“Timmy.” I said, and he looked at me with a pout. “I no hungee Micha.”

“Yeah, but daddy’s hungry, so maybe we should let him eat right?”

“I no know.”

Jason glanced up at me with a chuckle. “I never thought I woulda missed Timmy being rude.”

I smiled, and for a few minutes Timmy and I watched him eat his meal in peace, but despite my joy at knowing that he was finally safe, I still felt the uncomfortable niggling in the back of my mind that was pushing to know what had happened to him in that warehouse.

“Jace?” I said softly, and he looked up at me with those wide beautiful eyes that were almost identical to Timmy’s. There had been many days during his absence when I’d stared into Timmy’s eyes just so I could catch of glimpse of Jason. Those days had been the hardest.

“What happened after Ronnie took you?”

He frowned as he placed his fork on the tray. “Not much of anything.”

He must have seen something in my expression because he continued. “I’m serious. After I got…” he glanced at Timmy, then back at me. “…hurt. After I got hurt, I woke up in some creepy hospital room at the warehouse after they patched me up and then they put me in a bedroom and that’s pretty much where I was the whole time.”

“They didn’t say anything to you? They didn’t do anything?”

“They let me shower everyday, then some old bad guy told me I got potential and said he wanted me to help them with something, but I never found out what ’cause you came and got me.”

“He said he wanted you to help him. Do you remember his exact words?”

“Not really. He made me sit out in the main room where they had the wall of gu—” he looked at Timmy again, and censored his words. “The wall of weapons. Then the old man came back and asked me what I saw, like some kind of weird spy movie, and when I told him what I saw, he pretty much told me I was useful.”

“What did he look like?” I asked him.

“It’s the guy you hurt.” He said. “They guy who was holding me. I think maybe he was important or something; he bossed the others around but I got the feeling that he was just working for somebody else or something.”

“What else do you remember?”

“They brought me to Timmy’s school one day and let me see you and Timmy. They put something over my eyes so I couldn’t see where I was going.” He closed his eyes and hugged Timmy, and when he reopened them, they were filled with tears. “They know shit about us. They know where his school is and I bet they know where you live and they got people in the FBI and they got connections and I don’t think we’re safe here. I want us to go somewhere else.”

“We’ll get to the bottom of it.” I told him gently. “Only a select few agents vetted my me and my dad are allowed to go anywhere near the people we captured at the warehouse. We’re being careful and we’ll figure all this out.”

Jason was shaking his head. “I don’t wanna stay here when I know they could come back anytime. I don’t want Timmy here and I don’t want you here. I think we gotta just go somewhere else for a while because this whole thing feels really big Michael. It feels bigger than we can take.”

“We can put people we trust to watch the house, and Timmy was never in any danger at school, there were always people I trust keeping an eye on him there.”

“Well I don’t trust ’em. I don’t trust nobody except the three of us.”

“We can’t just run from this Jace. You know I’ll never put us in danger, and I’m even more vigilant now after what happened. We’re going to be okay.”

He was quiet for a long time after that; just holding his son, who was talking to Bunny. When he looked up again and his eyes met mine, there was a determination in them that wasn’t there before.

“After everything… after missing you like I did. I just want all of us to be together, but not here. Not where they can get to us. They said they wanted me for something and they could use you guys to get to me.” he said. “This is all bigger than you and me. I can feel it.”

“Jace—”

“Don’t make me go without you. I don’t want to go without you.” His voice shook as he said the words, and I finally understood what he was trying to say; he was going with or without me. I felt a ball of fear settle deep inside my chest.

“I just got you back.” I said quietly, and as I watched him, the tears in his eyes spilled over onto his cheeks.

“I gotta protect Timmy.” He said. “Right now I wish you were just a kid so I could force you to come with me and keep you safe too, but you’re a man, and I can’t make you do anything.”

I swallowed against the tightness in my throat. “Last night you said… you made it seem like we were starting over together. You said you missed it here; me, Timmy, the house. You said—”

“I said I loved you. That don’t mean I gotta live in a cloud. That don’t mean I shouldn’t think of the safest way for us to be together. That don’t mean I gotta be stupid.”

“Daddy no say stupid.” Timmy reprimanded him with a frown, and Jason wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

“You don’t trust that I can protect you.” I said. “Is it because of what happened at the Bureau? Is it because I didn’t protect you before?” I asked because I needed to know his answer, but he was shaking his head before I even finished my sentence.

“It’s because I got a bad feeling. I always trusted my gut. Your gut’s your best friend when you’re out there living the way I did, and my gut says we gotta go be somewhere else because this is bigger than we think.”

I nodded slowly. “Just give me some time then. Let me question them. Let me—”

“You don’t gotta be the one to do it. Let’s just go and when they figure it out we can come back. Please.”

“I’ve been out on leave for months because of my injury and I just got back. If I leave now I might not have a job when I get back. Since you’re so worried, let’s go stay with my parents for a while then. Or I’ll rent somewhere else for a a few weeks.”

“You think they don’t know about your parents too? They know about where we’d go here. They know shit Michael.” He sounded paranoid, and he also sounded very afraid.

“Do you think they can’t follow us if we go out of state? If you really think they’re planning to get to us here, then what makes you think they can’t get to us somewhere else? At least here I have people who can keep you and Timmy safe, but out there…out there you’re unprotected.”

“I just got a bad feeling about here.” He mumbled.

I tried to see it from his perspective. He had been shot and held for weeks against his will. He was traumatized. I imagined that he might even be suffering from a slight case of PTSD. It didn’t mean that he couldn’t be right about all this. I knew it was bigger than a few guys playing criminals in a warehouse. We all knew, but running away wouldn’t solve anything.

When I looked into his eyes I saw his fear and I wondered if he might just need a break from everything. Maybe he did need this, but what if for him, a short term solution didn’t help? What if he took his little break and he decided he never wanted to come back?

“Where would you go?” I asked him, and I could see that my words scared him because he thought it meant I was going to let them go without me. As if there was any way I was going to be apart from either of them after everything that had happened.

“Doesn’t matter. Anywhere but here.”

“It could take months to take them down.” I said. “It could take a year. It could take many years.”

He nodded, then buried his chin in Timmy’s hair.

“If I stay here it means it could be years before we could be together. You’re okay with that?” my voice cracked on the last word, and it was only then that I realized that I was scared too; scared that this might end up changing something for us, and not for the better.

“Timmy, can you do something for me?” he said to his son who had somehow remained oblivious to the stifling atmosphere around him. He glanced up at Jason. “Can you go to your room and find all your favorite toys and bring them in here so we can play?” he asked.

Timmy’s face lit up like Christmas morning, and he was off the bed in record time. Jason watched as he ran from the room, and I watched Jason.

“It’s gonna take him forever to figure out which toys are his favorite ’cause he loves all of them.” Jason said with a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I figure we got about fifteen minutes before he comes back.”

I could only look at him. Fifteen minutes to find out if we were really about to turn our entire lives upside down. Fifteen minutes to see if what we’d been building was about to amount to nothing.

“Of course I ain’t okay with it.” Jace said finally, picking up where we’d left off. “I ain’t never loved nobody except you before. If it was just me I had to be thinking ’bout, I would stay here and deal with it, but I’m a dad and I gotta think about Timmy.” He dashed the tears away with the tips of his fingers. “They said his name. They know how old he is and everything. They know what he means to me and they want me for something.”

“Jace. I don’t think they’re after you at all though. Ronnie took you because the opportunity presented itself. He probably told them about your skills on the street and they decided they could use your help, but I can’t see them going out of their way to try to get you back.”

“But you don’t know . I only came back yesterday and now I feel like I’m suffocating. I feel like any minute now the doors are gonna bust open and I’ll be right back there.” His hands shook and he clenched them together. Then, as if his own words had finally registered in his head, he was sliding off the bed. “I’m gonna go get Timmy.”

I grabbed his wrist before he could get much further.

“Relax. Timmy is fine.” I told him, and pulled him back onto the bad and wrapped him in my arms; his back pressed against my chest. “You’re shaking. You were fine last night.” I murmured against his ear.

He shook his head. “Last night I was just happy to be back home with you and Timmy. I didn’t have time to think last night.” He glanced toward to door worriedly. Everything was hitting him all at once. He would probably need therapy, or maybe what he needed really was to get away for a little while. Maybe some time away would help to calm his nerves and help him to think clearly.

He sniffled. “I know you’d have to leave your mom and dad behind. I’m not ever gonna ask you to choose between us and your family but…but we can be your family too, and…and…” he trailed off and went silent, as though he’d simply run out of words, but after a deep breath, he continued;

“I could take care of us. I took care of me and Timmy just fine. It might not be perfect and it’s not gonna be in a fancy house like this, but you don’t gotta do nothin’ if that’s what you’re worried about. I can take care of all of us. The street’s the same everywhere you go and I know how to get by.” He was saying the words, but his slumped shoulders and the uncertainty in his tone told me he didn’t think his words would make a difference.

“I have a friend who lives out of state. His name’s Damion and he’s been asking me to come visit for a while now.” I said. “I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if we stayed with him for a couple of weeks.” I said.

He went rigid in my arms, then he spun around to face me with wide, hopeful eyes.

“We can’t just pick up and leave indefinitely, but we can take a break if that will help.” I continued. “And we wouldn’t be able to leave right away. You still need to go to the hospital for a thorough checkup and an X-Ray like the doctor said. The Bureau also needs your statement and we’d have to contact Timmy’s school to let them know he won’t be in for a couple of weeks. These things take some amount of planning.”

His eyes searched mine but I couldn’t tell if he found what he was looking for.

“How long?” he asked. “How long before we can leave?”

“Maybe a week or so.”

Jason shook his head, looking miserable. “No Michael that’s too long.”

I took a moment to consider it. “Then five days. That’s the best I can do Jace.”

Finally, he nodded slowly. “What will your dad say?”

I shook my head. “My dad’s unpredictable. I won’t know until I tell him.”

“I think he’ll be mad, but you can call and they can visit.”

I frowned. “We’ll only be gone for about two weeks or so Jace. I told you, we can’t just—”

“We’ll see when we get there.” He interrupted, and the determination in his voice told me that when we did, he’d be fighting tooth and nail to stay there. I sighed.

“Daddy, I no know to cawwy ah my toys.” Timmy entered the room with his hands filled with stuffed animals.

Jason moved out of my arms the moment he heard Timmy’s voice, and plastered a bright smile on his tear-stained face.

“That’s okay. We can just play with these.” He said, pulling them from Timmy’s arms and depositing them onto the sheets. I reached over to help Timmy up, and he immediately made his way once again onto Jason’s lap.

For a long while I sat watching them play, feeling unsettled.

“Micha why you no pay?” Timmy eventually asked when I climbed off the bed. I reached over and ruffled his curls.

“I’ll play later.” I promised, and as I made my way to the bathroom, I could feel Jason’s eyes on me.

I hopped into the shower, turned on the water and let it run as hot as I could take it, then I let my mind drift to simpler things. Things like what we’d be having for dinner later, but of course it inevitably went back to our conversation. It had left a bad taste in my mouth; that he’d be willing to leave with or without me, after the hell we’d all been through.

I tried to look at it from his perspective, but no matter how much I thought about it, it unsettled me just the same. It made me question, for perhaps the first time since I’d fallen for him, whether I could feel secure about their presence in my life. It made me start to worry that after all this, fear could one day scare him away, leaving me to pick up the pieces of my life…alone.

“He’s been through a lot. It’s understandable.” I whispered to myself as the hot water cascaded down the back if my neck. I should focus on the present; he was here now.

I couldn’t say how long I stayed there under the spray, but when I finally turned off the tap, the water was frigid. When I stepped out of the shower, Jason was standing by the sink; arms crossed before him.

“You’re mad.” He said. It was more of a statement than a question.

“I’m not mad.” I told him honestly, and ran the towel through my hair a few times.

“You seem mad.”

“I’m not. I’m just…processing.”

“Processing what?’ he asked with furrowed brows. I reached out and used a finger to smooth them.

“It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’re here now.” I cupped his face in my hands and leaned in to kiss his lips. “What do you want to do today?” I whispered when I pulled away, and he blinked up at me with heavy-lidded eyes.

“Don’t matter. We can do whatever.”

I grinned, and he batted my hands away when I set them on his waist.

“Not that.” He whispered with a cute glare. “Timmy doesn’t leave my side for more than a couple minutes. So you gotta be normal.”

“This isn’t normal?” I grinned, and when I reached for him again he laughed. I’d missed the sound of it.

“Daddy Timmy haf some?” Timmy called from the bedroom, and I wrapped the towel around my waist.

“Have what?” Jason called back with a grin.

“Dis!”

When I moved to take his wrist, he side stepped me with a chuckle, and popped his head around the bathroom door to talk to Timmy.

“Yeah you can eat it.” He said.

“And dis?”

I came up behind him and wrapped my hand around his waist, then kissed the back of his neck. He shivered.

“Y-Yeah you can eat anything you want.”

When he pulled his head back in and pushed the door shut, I kissed his neck again. He turned around, face flushed.

“You can’t.” he hissed, pushing at my chest with his good arm.

“I can’t touch you?” I asked with a smile and his eyes narrowed.

“Timmy’s in the other room.”

“We’re not doing anything. I’m holding my boyfriend and I’m kissing him. That’s what parents do all the time.” I teased.

“Parents?” his asked with a raised brow, though he blushed scarlet.

“Eventually.” I said, watching his face for cues. He tried and failed to hide his small smile, and the gentleness in his gaze when he looked at me was unmistakable. As I watched him, the uneasiness in me from before slowly began to ease. His reaction was a good sign.

I kissed his lips again; this time lingering for a moment. He didn’t push me away.

…………………………

It was the middle of the week but the day felt as relaxing as a sunny Sunday. We didn’t do much of anything really; just sat around, played with Timmy, ate way too many snacks and talked endlessly about everything.

I couldn’t reconcile the quiet Jason with the one sitting before me talking about a mile a minute. He was no longer teary-eyes and stressed as he had been early that morning, though every now and again, he’d get this fearful look in his eyes that passed just as quickly as it came.

He told me a little bit about his life on the streets; the things he’d never told me before. He also briefly mentioned his childhood, which brought back memories of his father sitting across from me in the interrogation room. I knew I would have to tell him that his old man was back, but it was too soon.

Timmy was of course also a world-class chatterbox. Everything he’d been unable to say to Jason for the past couple of weeks just spilled easily from his mouth, and half the time Jason and I were cracking up with laughter at his antics.

This was my family.

At around one in the afternoon, the doorbell rang. We were downstairs in the living room putting together a puzzle, and when Timmy shot up to go answer it, I wrapped my arm around his waist and sat him right back down on the couch.

He pouted at me and sent the most adorable glare in my direction, that caused me to laugh. I glanced through the peephole and groaned.

“What?”

I looked at Jason, who was standing right behind me.

“I completely forgot I’d organized a playdate with one of Jason’s classmates after school. I thought it would have been a good way to take his mind off things, but now it’s not even necessary.”

Jason glanced at the door and bit his lip. “Which classmate?”

“You remember Hannah, who I met at the library?”

“The lady you went on that play date with last time?”

“Yeah.”

“Mawcy come Micha?” Timmy was jumping up at down on the couch; his little face bright with excitement. Jason glanced back at him, then at the door.

“You should let her in. Let them play.”

“We don’t have to.” I said. “You just got back. We should spend this time together, just the three of us.”

He glanced at Timmy again and shook his head. “It’s okay, let her in. It’s not gonna be forever right?”

“Maybe an hour.” I said and he nodded.

I pulled open the door, and there stood Hannah and Marcy, but the moment he laid eyes on her, I felt the change in his mood. He shifted closer to me and his eyes narrowed.

“Hey, come on in.” I stepped aside to let them in, and when they stood just inside the threshold, I gestured to Jason.

“Hannah, meet Jason. He’s Timmy’s da—”

“Oh hi, nice to meet you.” She interrupted, taking hold of Jason’s hand and shaking it enthusiastically. She looked at me. “Michael I didn’t realize you had a room mate.” The moment she patted my chest, Jason frowned.

“He’s not my roommate.”

“Marcy don’t touch that sweetie.” Hannah took hold of Marcy’s hand and pulled her into the room. Jason and I exchanged a look, and it was Timmy who ran over and pushed the door shut, then stood on his tip toes to turn the lock.

When she released Marcy, the little girl may a beeline for Timmy’s toys. Timmy watched with a frown as she neared them and knelt on the carpet beside the unfinished puzzle.

“Play nice Timmy.” I said.

“Where’s your kitchen? Is it this way?” Hannah asked, then left us to trail behind her as she found her way there. She deposited the bag she was carrying on the counter and began to dig through it.

“What’s all this?” I asked her when she removed the first item; some kind of strange silicone container of some sort.

“These are silicone soap molds. We’re going to be making soaps. I through it would be a fun little activity for us to do today. I want to give some of them to the kids’ teachers wen we’re done.”

Jason frowned, and folded his arms before him. “Isn’t that too advanced for two-year olds?”

“It’s just the melt and pour method, but yes, I was actually think Michael and I would make these while the kids play. You know, just a way to past the time.” She said with a warm smile.

“That’s not a bad idea” I told her. “Jason can join too.” I said, and Hannah’s smile fell ever so slightly. I figured it had something to do with his attitude. I watched as Hannah began pulling the ingredients out of the bag.

I was thinking we could make French Vanilla and Cotton Candy scented soaps.“ She was saying. “I think that will be a nice scent for the ladies.”

Jason came to stand beside me and I gave his arm a slight squeeze. In the living room, I could already hear the kids arguing over Timmy’s toys.

“How did you manage to get your hands on a cotton candy scent?” I asked her when I picked up the bottle of fragrance oil clearly marked Cotton candy.

Hannah grinned. “It’s crazy the things people can bottle these days. I get all my scents online. Go ahead and smell it. You’ll be surprised just how much like the real thing it is.”

I brought it to my nose and the sugary scent of fresh cotton candy was unmistakable. It reminded me of my childhood days that I’d spent roaming the carnival with my friends. I offered the bottle to Jason, despite his sour mood, he smiled when he smelled it.

“Timmy come here!” he called, and not a moment later, little feet were slapping against the tiles and soon Timmy was by Jason’s side. He placed to bottle close to Timmy’s face and told him to smell it. “What does that smell like?” he asked him, and Timmy tried to take the bottle from his hand.

“No don’t touch, just tell me what it smells like.”

“Sweet.” He said. “Timmy haf some?” he held out his hand and Jason laughed; the sweetest sound in the room.

“It’s not for eating. It’s just for smelling.” He said, and Timmy frowned as Jason handed the bottle back to Hannah. Hannah and I shared a smile.

“I wan pay too.” Timmy said, pulling at Jason’s pant leg.

“No you can watch, but you can’t touch okay?” he said.

“No.” and displeased with Jason’s declaration, Timmy ran away again. I laughed.

“I heard he didn’t come to school today. I thought he might have been sick or something.” Hannah said as she pulled a medium-sized white block out of the bag. She handed me a knife.; our fingers brushing.

“No, the three of us just needed a day to ourselves.” I told her, and though her expression was one of confusion, I didn’t offer any more information.

“What do I do now?” I asked when she pushed the white block towards me.

“Now you’re just going to cut it into small squares to help it melt easier.”

When I touched it, I realized it was pretty much just a giant block of soap. The knife slid through it easily, and they both watched in silence as I cut it up into pieces.

“Where’d you learn to do this anyway?” I asked.

“The internet is my best friend.” She said, and this time when she touched my arm, Jason cleared his throat. I looked at him with a raised brow and he snorted. Hannah glanced at him with a frown and I held back a sigh. This wasn’t going very well.

“Jason would you be a dear and check on Marcy for me please? Sometimes her curiosity gets the best of her” Hannah asked with a wide smile.

“She’s your kid.” He shot back and I set down the knife.

“I’ll go.” I said, but before I could move, Jason latched onto my arm.

“She likes you Michael. That’s why she’s here.” He said, and it took me a second to comprehend his words. He was staring at Hannah, and I looked back and forth between them with a frown.

Hannah laughed. “Well of course I like him. I haven’t met one of Marcy’s friend’s parents that I don’t like.”

“No.” Jason was shaking his head. “I mean you—”

“Jace can I talk to you for a minute?’ I took hold of his arm before he could reply and pulled him with me into the hallway. When we came to a stop he was glaring at me.

“She’s trying to get into your pants. She ain’t here for no play date.”

I chuckled. “She’s been here all of two seconds Jason.”

“Yeah and it’s been obvious since the second she walked in here. Don’t you see the way she’s looking at you and touching you but making it look all normal?”

“You’ve been frowning since you laid eyes on her.”

He took a deep breath. “She’s very pretty, what’s there to be frowning about?” he said, yet he kept on frowning.

“You’ve got this all wrong Jason. I’m the one who even suggested the play date, not her.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that she wants to hop on your dick though, does it?”

I chuckled. “I love that you’re so jealous right now but even if she does like me, and I don’t think she does, what does it matter when I’ve already got you?”

He seemed to think on it for a second, and when I leaned in to place a quick kiss on his lips, he smiled. “I guess.”

I gestured with my head to the kitchen. “Let’s go make some soaps and send them home. I want you all to myself.”

“Everything alright?” she asked when he returned to the room.

“Great.”

“Just peachy.” Jason said with the biggest fake smile he could muster. I cleared my throat to keep from chuckling.

“I popped it in the microwave while you were gone. It’s nice and melted now.” She said.

She was mixing the soap in the measuring cup. I watched as he carefully poured half of it into another container, then she handed the packets of powdered dye to us. A caramel color for Jason and the pink for me.

“Now just mix it in. We’ll go with brown for the French Vanilla and pink for the Cotton Candy.”

We followed her directions and watched as the two solutions changed color. Then we watched as she added the scents to each.

“And now we just pour them into the molds, pop them into the fridge and when they’re dry they’ll be beautiful.

“That was easy.” I said as she poured the colored melts into the patterned soap molds. The entire process had taken about twenty minutes.

“I know right. They make great gifts because they’re so small and cute, and ridiculously easy to make.”

“I know. My mom buys them and uses them for bathroom décor.”

“Does she put them in little jars and set them on top of the bathroom counter?” she asked with a knowing smile and I laughed.

“How’d you know?”

“Because my mom does the same thing and if you make the mistake of using one to wash your hands, she flips.”

When I laughed again Jason leaned into me.

“Here Mike.” She handed me a filled soap mold., and carried the other to the fridge.

‘Mike?’ Jason mouthed when I glanced his way and I grinned.

Jealous Jason was probably my favorite.

“How long before they’re hard?” This from Jason.

“About fifteen minutes to half an hour.” Hannah propped her hands on her hips and looked around the kitchen. “I should whip you boys up some dinner. I’ve got this amazing chicken recipe that’ll make your mouth water.”

“We’re going out to eat.” Jason said before I could open my mouth.

“Oh. Well where are you going? Maybe Marcy and I can tag along. I bet Timmy would love the company.”

Just then, a shout came from living room, and not a second later, Timmy and Marcy were at it again; they’d been arguing since the first day they’d met.

“We’re going to Michael’s parents house for dinner.” Jason was telling Hannah. “It’s a family thing.”

“Ah.” She nodded slowly. “Well you should bring her a batch of the soaps Mike. I’m sure she’ll love them.”

“I will, thanks.”

Rather than leave us alone to clean up, since he couldn’t do much with his one good arm, Jason sat on the stool and watched our progress. He listened to our chatter without commentary; seething over there in his corner. Was my head a little swollen from the attention? Absolutely.

Fifteen minutes later when the kitchen was once again sparkling clean, he followed us into the living room to check on the kids.

“You should give me a tour Michael. It’s a really nice place that you’ve got here.”

“Thanks. It’s a long term project of mine just turning this place into a home.”

“It’s very manly. All you need now is a bit of a woman’s touch.” She joked. Across from me Jason rolled his eyes.

“You know what? I’ll let Jason lead the tour. It’s as much his place as it is mine.” I swept Timmy up in my arms and Hannah took Marcy’s hand. After staring at me for a few minutes as though I’d committed some grave sin, Jason began the tour with a sigh.

What he lacked in creativity, he made up for in sarcasm, that was for sure.

“Down here just has all the normal stuff that houses have downstairs.” he began. He stood right where he was and pointed in the direction everything was. “You already found the kitchen yourself with no help from us. This is the living room. Bathroom’s down that way, laundry room’s across there and that door over there leads to a closet, and the other one in the kitchen leads to the back porch that me and Michael built together.” He looked pointedly at Hannah while Timmy pushed his nose into my ear.

We followed him up the stairs, but this time, after a gentle nudge from me, he lead us into actual rooms. The first door he opened at one end of the hall was Timmy’s and Hannah oohed and aahed as she walked around. Jason stood watching her with a blank expression. “That’s his bathroom in there.” He pointed to the door.

We spent a maximum of two minutes in the room before he was once again moving on. I loved the man. I’d missed him and his snarky attitude.

This is a linen closet. We keep towels and sh—stuff in here.“ He pointed to the other end of the hall. “That’s Michael’s room.”

“Aren’t we going to go in?” she questioned, and Jason shook his head.

“A man’s room is personal.”

She nodded slowly, but looked at me with a raised brow.

“Where’s your room Jason?” she asked him.

“Down the hall, and that’s the end of the tour. There’s nothing else here except all the normal stuff you have in a normal house.”

There was an uncomfortable silence that settled around us then, and Hannah was the first to break it.

“You don’t like me very much, do you?”

Jason looked from her to me and back. “I don’t know you. That’s all.” He mumbled, looking properly chastised as he turned his face away from the both of us.

I dropped a hand onto his shoulder. “We’ve all just had a bit of a rough week which is making us all grumpier than we usually are.” I told Hannah with a smile that she returned easily.

“That’s understandable. I hope it was nothing too serious.”

Jason and I looked at each other but it was Timmy who gave a reply.

“Daddy come back yestuday and seep ah day and Timmy eat fwies and pay wif Bunny and sit on daddy.”

“Oh, is that so?” Hannah asked and Timmy nodded.

“An Timmy eat some fwom daddy.”

“Wow that sounds like one crazy week.”

Timmy nodded seriously. “An Gwammy say Timmy haf wed Bunny.” He swallowed. “An Liam say Timmy no cwy, so Timmy no cwy.”

“Ah.” Hannah’s expression told me that she was lost. Not so long ago I would have been just as confused by his gibberish, but most of the time now he made sense to me.

“Why did Liam say that?” I asked him. “Did you cry at school?”

Timmy nodded. “Yeah an Liam say Timmy no cwy.”

“And then you stopped crying?” Jason asked, and again Timmy nodded.

Marcy didn’t say much; caught up in her own world as two-year-old girls tended to be. She was brushing her doll’s hair and humming to herself.

When I glanced at Jason, I recognized the look in his eyes almost immediately. He’d been zoning out a lot today. Sometimes I’d look at him and he’d have this faraway look in his eyes and I had a hunch that he was back in that warehouse; going through those memories that I couldn’t wait for him to put behind him.

“Do you think the soaps are dry by now?” I asked Hannah.

“Oh…ah.” She glanced down at her phone. “Yeah they might be. Do you want to check on it?”

“Yeah I think so. We should be getting ready for that family dinner soon.” I lied for Jason’s benefit, and when his eyes met mine, I could see his relief.

……………….

In the kitchen Hannah popped the patterned soaps easily out of the molds. I watched as she placed half of them in a small container she had carried with her.

“Your mom’s going to love them.” She said, and I couldn’t help but agree. I picked up one of each scent and inhaled, before replacing them on the counter.

“Go get your shoes Marcy. It’s time to go.” She said, and the little princess took off across the room.

“Thanks for coming Hannah, I really appreciate it. I’m sure Timmy had fun.”

She touched my arm. “Of course, anytime. We should do this more often.” She smiled. “And next time I’ll treat you guys to some good home cooking.”

“Looking forward to it.” Jason and I followed her out into the living room where I helped little Marcy find her left shoe, and moments later they were walking down the driveway.

“Oh by the way Hannah.” Jason called and she turned to face us. “Michael’s gay.” He said, and when she registered his words, and her eyes widened in surprise, Jason waved at Marcy and the little princess waved back. He closed the door before Hannah could utter another word.

“You’re something else you know that?” I folded my arms before me and leaned against the door.

“I just got back yesterday, and I already gotta deal with shit like this.” He said in good humor. The moment I opened my mouth to counter, he froze and sucked in a breath. His eyes grew wide as he looked at me.

“What?” I asked, stepping closer to him.

“Holy shit Michael, there’s something I forgot to tell you.”

“What?” I frowned.

“Do you remember the day I met your mom for the first time at your house and you were taking me to the lake and we saw those teenagers in the woods with the guns?”

“Yeah?” I asked, curious as to where this was going.

“I saw them.” he said; eyes wild with excitement.

I frowned. “I don’t understand. You saw the kids?”

He nodded.

“Where? When?”

“At the warehouse. They were there. It was just two of them but I remembered their faces.”

There was no way it was all connected. It was too much of a coincidence.

“Are you sure?” I questioned him and he nodded; eyes filled with certainty.

“They weren’t among the people who took in yesterday.”

He shrugged. “I saw them two days in a row, then I didn’t see them again.”

I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone. “I’m calling Eddie over.” I told him and he nodded; though his eyes grew apprehensive.

“Eddie.” I said when he picked up. “I might have some information on a case you’re working on. You free to stop by my place today?”

When Eddie confirmed that he would stop by, I led Jason to the couch and we sat. Timmy crawled into his lap.

“Tell me everything.” I told him, and so he began.

        

                                                 AUTHOR’S NOTES

Thanks for reading!

If you want to learn how to make the f rench vanilla and cotton candy scented soaps mentioned in this chapter feel free to visit my website : Pulledfromhercarriage.com (you can also find to link to it on my wattpad profile)

Or if you just want to  follow me on my many adventures , go ahead and check out my website anyway . (Yes, I’m shamelessly inserting this here lol) Thanks for your support guys!

Follow me on wattpad at  DoUbleZone

Follow me on instagram at doublezone_books

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited

Chapter 33: Home Is Where The Heart Is

Chapter 33

“What did the chief say when you told him that Jason saw those teenagers at the warehouse?”

“Now that we know both cases might be connected, he doesn’t have much choice but to take the case from Jacobs.”

“And no doubt Jacobs is gonna throw a fit.” I said, and we grinned knowingly at each other.

“Are you and Sy up for it? I know your case load’s crazy already.”

Eddie shrugged. “Gotta do what we gotta do, and if this is all connected it’ll probably make this easier.”

I nodded. “Who are the agents authorized to question the prisoners?”

“The usual suspects; you, me, Simon, Jimmy and the Chief.”

Good.“ I said. “I want to take a crack at them before I leave.”

Eddie looked at me with raised brows.

“I thought you were sitting this one out. You know…because Jason asked?”

I shook my head. “You and I both know I can’t do that. I’m already leaving with everything up in the air. I need to at least do something before we go or it’ll drive me insane.”

“Good luck explaining that to your man.” He chuckled. “But I know how you feel. I don’t think I could stomach even the thought of leaving at a time like this. This one’s huge. It could drag on for a long time.” Eddie stretched and yawned from his seat on the hard bench.

“Not helping Ed.” I groaned and he laughed.

“I get why you’re going, trust me. Family will always come first, and even I can see that Jason’s cracking. Take him and go get his head on straight. Maybe he should even see a therapist. Held prisoner in a place like that while a mad man threatens your family will break anybody.”

“Yeah.” I nodded, lost in thought.

“Tell Damion he still owes me.” he added and this time I grinned.

“You mean the bet? It’s been three years, get over it.”

“It’s the principle of the thing man.” He said. “Speaking of Damion, I heard he’s got a boyfriend now.”

I snorted. “Where’d you hear that story?”

“Jerry.”

I shook my head. “Jerry needs to mind his own damn business.” I chuckled. “One day his rumor-spreading is gonna get him into some deep shit.”

“Don’t I know it.” He said with a grin. “It would be good if he was though. After everything he and Donny have been through, it would be good to see the guy happy for once.”

I nodded thoughtfully. The only thing that made that guy happy these days was fighting fires. It was hard to imagine him crazy over an actual human being, but Eddie was right. It would be good if he was.

“What about you Ed? When are you gonna get back out there? It’s about time you find a nice girl and settle down.”

He gave an awkward laugh as he rubbed the back of his neck. “About that.” He began. “I’ve actually been meaning to tell you that I…” he paused for a moment, looking unsure, and I watched him with raised brows.

“I’m done.”

We both glanced up at the sound of Jason’s voice, and I stood as he stepped out of the hospital room, where the doctor had been giving him a thorough check-up.

“Everything good?” I asked him.

He nodded. “So far so good, but I’m gonna get the test results in a couple days.” He explained. “Hi Eddie. I never knew you were gonna be here.” He gave a small half wave.

Eddie stood. “Yeah I actually came to visit Bruno. He’s the one who was shot at the warehouse.” He lowered his voice so Timmy wouldn’t hear.

“Yeah, Michael told me about him.” He said, then bit his lip.“ Maybe I could go visit him too…say thanks for…you know…“ he trailed off, glancing at me for what I assumed to be approval.

“Let’s all go then.” I said, though Timmy and I had already visited Bruno earlier on when Jason had been in with the doctor.

It was as if the little devil sensed what we were about to do because his head shot up, and he dropped his crayon onto the page of his coloring book. His eyes met mine, and I raised a brow.

“Don’t even think about it.” I said to him, and he frowned because he knew exactly what I was talking about. He’d almost ripped the IV bag off the stand when we’d visited Bruno earlier, because for whatever reason, he was fascinated with the clear tube. It had taken me physically restraining him to prevent any further mishaps in that room. As Timmy and I had a stare off, I could see Eddie and Jason watching us from the corner of my eye. I choose not to elaborate.

“Come on.” I motioned to the devil with a finger, and he slid off the bench, then very slowly and carefully, he packed away his crayons into his little Ziploc bag and closed his coloring book.

I took them from him when he handed them to me, and he took hold of the hand that Jason offered. Bruno’s room was two floors down, so we found the nearest elevator and got on. Timmy being Timmy, jumped up and down as we descended, and Eddie watched him with his head slightly tilted to the side; as though he were trying to figure something out that didn’t make much sense to him.

“Oh joy. My very own tormentor is back.” Bruno said the moment we entered his room and he spotted Timmy. The boy in question grinned, and when he pulled his hand out of his father’s, intent on making a mad dash for Bruno’s bed, I scooped him up and propped him onto my shoulders.

His new position appeased him, at least for the moment, and I tried not to flinch when he pulled a bit too hard on my hair.

When he spotted Eddie, Bruno placed his hand dramatically over his chest.

“Oh thank God it’s you and not Simon.” He said, and Eddie pulled up a chair as close to his bedside as he could get, and sat.

“What did Sy ever do to you?”

“Please tell him to leave me alone. The fucker’s been here twice already and I’m just about ready to end my own life.” He confessed. “I don’t know why he thinks that just because I’m bedridden it means I’m interested in learning how to hack into shit. I just want to lie down here with my hospital Jell-O and relax, you know?” he finished his dramatic tirade, and Eddie and I laughed, while Jason tried to hide a smile.

“It’s because he knows you can’t run away.” Eddie explained with a wide grin. “He’s been trying to find an apprentice for a long time now.”

“Yeah, well he can go shove his apprenticeship up his…” He looked up, spotted Timmy on my shoulders and froze. “His…butt.”

“Alright relax drama queen. What kinda meds they got you on anyway?” Eddie questioned as he reached up to fluff his friend’s pillow. “How are you feeling, I heard you’re giving the nurses a hard time.”

“Just one nurse.” He corrected, then he grinned like the love-struck fool that he was, because everyone knew that his fiancé worked as a nurse there. He would shout it from the rooftops if he could, and speak of the devil…said nurse stepped through the door at that very moment. I watched with a grin when Bruno attempted to sit up straight as his eyes followed her progress into the room.

“How are you boys doing?” Nancy greeted as she set down a metal tray by Bruno’s bedside.

“Pretty good.” We chorused as she picked up a needle from the tray. Bruno, the hater of all things sharp and pointy, proudly bared his arm like it was the sacrificial lamb. We watched his smile turned goofy as he watched her. You’d think they’d only met a short while ago with they way he was going on, but they’d been going three years strong, and the fool still had stars in his eyes.

There was this thing one of my Korean friends said all the time ‘If you love more, then you lose.’ If you agreed with him, then Bruno had lost the moment he had laid eyes on her and had been losing ever since.

Not to say that Nancy didn’t love the fool equally, but the woman had a winning poker face, and there had never been a moment when I’d been able to even guess what she was thinking, much less feeling.

She drew his blood, then set the needle carefully back into the tray, before giving him further instructions.

“Why haven’t you eaten?” she questioned when she pulled the lid off his bowl of whatever it was, and when he picked up his fork, she patted his head like one would do with a puppy.

“I’ll come check on you later.” She assured him, and we all watched as she exited the room with a small smile that I had to squint to see.

The moment she disappeared, Bruno dropped the fork and frowned at Eddie.

“Where’s the burger I asked you for?”

Eddie grinned. “Simon says that’s a bad idea.” Eddie and I grinned, but Bruno was not amused.

I’m seriously starting to wonder when Sy became my legal guardian.“ He mumbled mostly to himself; Eddie’s joke was lost on him.

“Anyway Bruno, I want to introduce you to Jason here.” I gestured to him.

“Ah, the devil’s dad.” He said with a grin. “No offence.”

“None taken.” Jason shrugged. “Thanks for what you did. Sorry you got hurt because of me.”

Bruno waved off his apology. “I’m just glad it all worked out. A kid needs his father.”

Jason nodded in agreement, and that was the end of that. Good talk.

“Not gonna lie, I’m surprised by the number of kids involved in this one. Anyone started questioning them yet?”

“Yeah but you know how it is. Slow going.” Eddie supplied, and Bruno responded with a nod.

“What are they thinking to get caught up in something like this? They’re teenagers for God’s sake, they should be out doing whatever teenagers do with their friends, not wielding guns and running drugs.” I said.

“Maybe it’s the universe giving us a sign.” Eddie said with a grin.

“What sign would that be?”

“Don’t have kids.” He chuckled, and I glanced at Jason, who in turn glanced up at his son.

“Too late.” We said in unison and Jason and I exchanged grins.

“Alright lovebirds we get it.” Bruno drawled.

“You shouldn’t even talk.” Eddie countered.

I gestured to them both. “Your time will come. You’ll see.” But they only laughed.

“I’m fine with watching the devils from a safe distance. No way am I getting involved in the stress and struggle.”

“Ditto.” Bruno supplied. “The kid’s asleep by the way.”

I glanced up automatically, as if I would magically be able to see him asleep on my head.

“I figured he was when he stopped pulling on my hair awhile back.” I confessed. “He hasn’t been getting much sleep lately. Too excited that daddy’s back.” I told them with a grin.

“Looks like you’re in the same boat.” Bruno wiggled his brows, and I fought not to roll my eyes at the life-sized child spread out in the hospital bed before me.

“I think that’s our cue to get out of here.” I said. Eddie stepped aside when I moved to the side of Bruno’s bed, and when I reached up to ruffle his hair, Bruno batted my hand away like the grouchy son-of-a bitch that he was. I chuckled and did it again, and this time he allowed it in silence…probably because he was too weak to retaliate again.

“Take care of yourself.” I said, and he nodded. “And let Simon keep you company. It’ll keep him from doing stupid shit, like hacking into the Goddamn White House.” I finished.

“As if anyone can stop him once he starts.” Eddie commented, and Bruno and I nodded in agreement.

“I’ll come back to visit in a couple of days.” I assured him. “I hear the Chief’s stopping by this evening too.”

Bruno groaned as I knew he would. “Just what I need.” He mumbled, and with a final goodbye, Jason and I turned to go.

“I hear Simon helped find me this time too.” Jason said as we made our way down the hallway.

“You heard right.”

“How come he’s in the FBI? He doesn’t seem like any FBI guy I ever seen.”

“What does he seem like then?” I asked with a grin. Jason shrugged, or at least he tried to, but flinched when the action jostled his injured arm. I watched him with concern. The night before he’d barely gotten much sleep because of that arm. I could only hope that having the sling would help a little.

“I don’t know. He seems like one a them ‘fuck the system’ kinda guys. He don’t seem like somebody who would help the government.” He said. I couldn’t help but laugh since Jason hit the nail right on the head.

“You’re right, he wasn’t too thrilled with the government at first…probably still isn’t but when you’re really good at what you do, people tend to take notice. The same government that he hated, wiped his slate clean and hired him as one of their own.”

Jason frowned. “Are you sayin’ he was some kinda criminal before? What did he do?”

“Let’s just say he hacked into a place he had no business hacking into, and impressed some really important people.”

Jason nodded like he understood. “That’s the only time they got use for you I guess.” Then he seemed to think on it for a moment. “He doesn’t say much when he’s around, but I like him.” He admitted, which surprised me because other than Kyle, he’d never expressed any interest in any of my friends.

I wondered how Simon would take the news. It would probably go right to his nerdy little head. I could already imagine him illegally hacking into some institution Jason hated as a thank you for liking him. I decided to keep this all-too-important piece of information to myself.

“Yeah, he’s quiet but everyone loves him. He’s dependable, loyal and he puts his friends first…always.”

Jason nodded. “I guess that’s why Eddie’s in love with him. They look good together. Eddie’s really chatty, happy and friendly, and Simon’s quiet, smart and likeable. I guess they balance each other out an’ shit.”

I laughed. “Eddie’s straight, and I’m pretty sure Simon is too. They’re just close because they’re best friends.” I explained but Jason’s brows were furrowed as he looked at me, like he couldn’t quite understand my words.

“I think you’re wrong.” He said finally. “They’re together…even if they aint telling nobody.”

“We’re going to have to agree to disagree on that one.”

He tried to shrug again and flinched. “I can’t wait for this to heal up.”

“You’ll have a quicker recovery time than I did at least.” I told him. “I’m glad it’s not as serious as mine was.”

“I guess. Are we goin’ home now?”

“I want to stop my my parents for awhile. I need to talk to my dad and let him know we’ll be leaving soon.”

“Do you think he’s gonna be mad about it?” he asked, this time not looking at me but focusing his attention straight ahead.

“I don’t know. I can never tell with him, but it doesn’t matter. If this is what you need then I’m okay with it.”

“Do you think I’m taking you away from your family?”

I smiled when he still wouldn’t look at me, even as we stepped outside and made our way to the car.

“No. You’re my family too, and it’s not like we’re never coming back.”

He nodded but said nothing as we unlocked the doors. I pulled the sleeping Timmy off my shoulders, and deposited him safely into his car seat.

“Timmy’s gonna miss Poppy.” Jason commented later on as we were driving down the street. Since I got back all he talks about is your dad. Poppy said this and Poppy did that and Poppy’s gonna give him this.“ Jason smiled.

“They can FaceTime everyday. I’m sure my dad will insist on it.”

“He accepted me in the end you know.” Jason said, picking at some invisible lint on his jeans instead of looking at me.

“What do you mean?”

“The day I had to go talk to your dad at the Bureau. The day I got shot…” he trailed off and paused for a moment. “Your dad welcomed me to your family.”

I glanced at him in surprise. This was complete news to me because my dad had certainly kept that to himself.

“I thought you guys had been talking about the case.”

He shook his head. “He never asked me nothin’ about the case. He asked me about my life and what happened with my old man and shit.” He sighed. “I was real happy that day. You know…until shit hit the roof and then everything sucked after that. But I’m part of your family now, your old man said…and now I’m taking you away from them. I bet he’s regretn’ it.” Jason smiled a sad-looking smile before he sighed, and turned to look out the window.

“He’s not regretting it. My dad doesn’t say anything he doesn’t mean. So, if he welcomed you in then there’s no way he’s letting you go again.” I said with a grin.

He looked at me, eyes not quite meeting mine, before he looked away again out the window, as if what was happening out there demanded his full attention.

“You swear?” he asked moments later, eyes still fixed outside.

I smiled. “I didn’t realize you liked him so much.”

Jason shrugged out of habit then winced and sighed. “He’s alright.”

The silence settled between us and continued on the short drive to my parents’ place. With everything that had happened in the past few weeks it had never occurred to me to ask my dad what he and Jason had discussed in the final moment leading up to his kidnapping. This revelation surprised and pleased me.

I had thought that it would take some serious convincing to get the old man to finally treat Jason with some modicum of respect, but to think he’d gone a step further and accepted him into the family, was more than I could have ever asked for.

I glanced at the sleeping Timmy in my rear view and smiled. Every day that passed with them in my life made me that much more anxious to legally make them mine. I hadn’t been away from Jason for more than a few minutes since I’d gotten him back, and I wondered if I’d ever have the courage to have him out of my sight again.

I shook my head. Fear was a hell of a thing. It had entered my life and made a mess of everything. It had shattered my stubbornness, my resolve and my emotions. Even after getting Jason back, it was still reeking havoc on our lives. If I were to lose him again, I knew now that it wouldn’t be something I could handle…not even with Timmy around, because even though I’d tried my best to keep it all to myself, in those last few days before Jason’s rescue, I’d been close to losing it.

To be in love…it really wasn’t all rainbows and confetti; it was hard work. Now more than ever, I could say that the ones who willingly fell in love were the bravest motherfuckers out there. Those were the people who went all in while knowing that at any moment they could lose the person who meant the world to them. Yup, the bravest motherfuckers on the planet.

People like me, who fell into it without a chance to even think it through, were probably the unluckiest. I sighed, and Jason glanced my way with furrowed brows. As I looked at him, there was no regret though…loving him had changed my life so drastically, that reversing its effects would be borderline catastrophic.

“I love you.” I said then, and grinned when his face turned a deep shade of red and he quickly turned away to focus his attention outside. Yes, I loved him, and the more I got to know him, the deeper I continued to fall.

……………………………..

When we stepped into my parents’ house we were immediately hit by the delicious scent of baking chocolate chip cookies. Timmy, who had woken up the moment we’d pulled into the driveway, made a beeline for the kitchen, where he could no doubt hear Gwammy humming a random tune.  Jason followed suit, while I made my way to my dad’s study.

The chief looked up from his stack of papers the moment I entered, and regarded me with an expression I couldn’t even hope to decipher.

“Dad.” I greeted, and he raised a brow.

“Heard you’re taking off with the boys for a while.” He said, and I nodded as I lowered myself into the chair on the other side of his wide desk.

“I’ll drop off my leave request tomorrow.”

“With the amount of absences you’ve been racking up, I’m starting to wonder if you still want this job.”

I watched him with unease. My dad was a pretty simply guy to figure out but when he was in ‘chief mode’ he was unpredictable. The fact that I was family didn’t matter one bit when it came to the job, which I had always respected but for right now it was starting to worry me.

“Chief—” I began.

“Relax, you look like I’m about to take away your favorite toy.” He said. “I get why your going. I’ve always told you that family comes first, so if this is what you both need then go for it.”

“Thanks dad.”

The Chief leaned back in his chair and appraised me with yet another one of his unreadable expressions.

“This is for the best anyway. There’s no way you would have passed the physical, so take some time and get yourself properly healed so you won’t be regulated to desk duty again when you get back. Not that I mind you sitting behind the desk.” He said as an afterthought. My mother wouldn’t mind it either.

“When can we expect you back?”

“I don’t think Jace wants to come back to be honest. What happened really shook him up. The faster this investigation gets wrapped, the easier it will be to convince him that it’s safe here.”

“No such thing as ‘safe’ son. I would have preferred if you guys stayed here where I can keep an eye on you, but Damion can do the job as well as I can, so I can’t exactly complain.” He said. “Just don’t stay away too long. Timmy was just starting to get accustomed to life here. It can’t be good to keep rooting him up like that. After all, a kid needs stability.”

“Damion says he knows a good therapist, so I’ll see if I can convince Jason to go see her. I’m hoping we’ll be back within a month tops, but I know these things take time.”

Dad nodded. “Make sure you video call me when you get there. The kid’s a bit clingy when it comes to me so he’ll want to see me at least once a day.”

I grinned at his words but I couldn’t deny the truth in them. They were both obsessed with each other. Though sometimes I wondered just what exactly Timmy saw in my grumpy old man.

“Oh, before I forget.” I handed over the thin folder I had brought with me. “It’s the mission report.” I said, and the Chief took it and set it aside without a glance.

“I have a favor to ask you.”

“What’s that?”

“Let me question some of the captives before I leave. It doesn’t feel right to let it go like this.” I said. The chief nodded as though he had expected as much.

“Do you have anyone in particular you want to interrogate or is anyone fair game?”

“The guy I shot.” I said.

“Alright, I’ll arrange it.”

“Any word on Ronnie’s whereabouts?”

“Nothing yet, but I’m sure his greasy head will pop up somewhere soon enough.” He said, then rubbed a hand across his forehead. “This whole thing’s just one big, stinking mess. Suddenly all our three recent cases are connected and we have dirty agents in the Bureau. It’s gonna be hell cleaning up this mess.”

“What are the higher ups saying about all this?” I asked even while knowing he’d never divulge that information to me.

“You let me worry about that. Just hurry your ass back so you can help with the clean up.”

I nodded.

“What did Jason say about his father showing up?”

I sighed. “I haven’t told him yet. With everything that’s going on—”

“My dad came?”

I spun around at the sound of Jason’s voice, and spotted him standing in the doorway with a tray of cookies in hand. His narrowed eyes were fixed on mine.

“Maybe you boys should go out onto the patio for a while.” Dad suggestion, pushing up from his seat. “I’m going to go spend some time with the little one.”

He took the tray of cookies from Jason on the way out, and Jace stuffed his uninjured hand into his pocket as he waited for me to stand. Like my dad’s had been earlier, his expression was unreadable.

I stepped past him and out into the hall. He followed my lead past the kitchen where Timmy and my folks were now making another mess. Out on the patio, I took a seat but he chose to stand.

For a moment, I watched him. Even with his shuttered expression I could see that he was agitated and impatient for the news. It was in the way he shifted from foot to foot as he stood there waiting for me to speak. It was in the way his hands kept tightening into fists at his sides, and it was also in his eyes. Jason’s eyes had always been a quick gateway into his emotional state.

“He came by the Bureau looking for Timmy when he heard the news report about you.”

Jason frowned, eyes narrowing dangerously. “How’d he find out about Timmy?”

“He claims he saw it on the news but as far as I know, that information hasn’t been leaked to any media houses.

“What did he want with my kid?”

“Exactly what you’re imagining. He wanted to take Timmy with him.”

Jason’s mouth tightened. “Did he show up there alone?”

“Is this your way of asking if your mom came with him?” I asked, and he folded his arms before him.

“Did she?”

“No.”

“I don’t know why he’s thinkin’ he can just show up and take my kid when he don’t even want nothin’ to do with me. As if I’d ever let that jackass anywhere near my Timmy.”  He fumed, then paused as though something had just occurred to him. He looked at me with wide eyes.

“You didn’t let him see Timmy right?”

“You know I wouldn’t do that after everything you’ve told me about him.”

He nodded, then turned away briefly to gaze into the open yard, before turning to face me once again.

“What if I never made it back? I know all about the bullshit laws we got. If I never came back would he get Timmy?”

“They typically consider granting guardianship to family members first when the parents are out of the picture. Your parents would have been candidates, but there are various factors they have to consider first. They would have had to evaluate whether they’d be suitable to raise him and there’s no way that they are.”

“But anything can happen.” He concluded, and I wasn’t about to lie to him.

“I would have done everything in my power to prevent that but you’re right, anything can happen.”

“I can’t wait for us to get the hell away from this town.”

“It won’t be for very long Jace. We both have things holding us here.”

“There ain’t nothing holdin’ me here.”

“We’re both involved in four different cases that are still under investigation. The law is holding us both here, believe it or not.”

His brows furrowed as he looked at me.

“How’d you get four?”

“One, we both witnessed the aftermath of a murder down by the lake. Two, your friends robbed a store and held you at gunpoint. Three, Ronnie held you at gun point at the Bureau, and kidnapped you. Four, you were held for weeks at a warehouse where you may or may not have witnessed further illegal transactions.” I rattled them all off to him in quick succession, and he finally acquiesced.

“Everything’s just going to shit all at once aint it?” he sighed, and I nodded.

“And let’s face it, your dad is going to show up again. It’s only a matter of time.”

That got his eyes flashing. “And when he does, I’ll tell him to fuck off.”

“Are you one hundred percent sure you want to cut all ties with him? This could be your chance to sit down and talk about what happened back then.”

“Not interested. I cut ties the second I got out of that house and I hope I’ll never have to see his face for the rest of my life.”

“What about your mother?”

He hesitated for just a moment and I saw the uncertainty in his eyes, but he quickly steeled his expression, and once again his eyes held an angry glint.

“He could have beat me to death in that house and she would ‘a just stood there and watched like a coward. I don’t want nothin’ to do with any of them.”

I nodded. “What happens when Timmy asks about them when he’s older?”

“I’ll tell him the truth.”

“And if he says he wants to meet them?”

“I think Timmy’s gonna be smart enough to wanna stay away from my abusive jackass of a father.” He said, looking even more pissed off than before, if that was even possible.

“Still, kids get curious.” I warned him, and he turned his eyes on me with exasperation, before he shook his head and looked away again.

“I don’t even wanna think that far right now.” He grumbled. “This whole place is bad luck, and I just wanna go before anything else goes wrong.”

My eyes followed him as he began to pace back and forth across the patio’s wooden floorboards.

“Come sit here.” I called, and he glanced at me briefly, looking hesitant, before finally moving to sit by my side.

“No, here.” I patted my lap, then chuckled when his eyes widened in horror at what was apparently a scandalous request.

“Your folks are inside.” He scolded, and the look he gave me was as if I’d just committed some grave crime.

I laughed. “I didn’t ask you to strip naked, Jace. I asked you to sit in my lap. It’s not a big deal.”

But instead of humoring me, he got up and went to the far end of the porch; as far away as he could get from me, and I laughed; glad that I’d at least managed to lighten his sour mood.

“Alright, come back. You can sit wherever you want.” I called over with a grin. “Come on, I want to talk to you about something.”

The moment he came close enough to touch, I pulled him into my lap and wrapped my arms tightly around his waist so he wouldn’t have a hope of escaping. When he tried a couple times and failed, he gave up the fight with an exasperated sigh.

When I only grinned up at him, he glanced furtively at the door leading inside.

“They don’t care if we show a little affection. That’s what boyfriends do right?”

His face flushed scarlet, and even though he smiled, he wouldn’t look me in the eyes.

“What?” I asked, and he shrugged awkwardly with his one good shoulder.

“It’s just weird thinking we’re…boyfriends.” He said. “I watched you for a long time back when I was on the streets with Timmy, but I never figured this would ever happen. Figured it would only be me fantasizin’ and not much else.”

“What would have happened if you hadn’t tried to pick my pocket that night?”

“Guess I would ’a still be out there hustling. I never would’ve got to work on cars at the garage. I never would’ve got to find out the kinda person you are, and Timmy wouldn’t know what it’s like to live in a real house with clean floors and lots of toys, crayons and a fridge full of food.” He surmised with a quiet sort of reverence that made me want to pull him closer.

“You probably wouldn’t have been shot either.” I added.

He shook his head. “Maybe, maybe not. It aint predictable out there you know. People was getting’ shot all the time.”

I nodded. “Do you ever miss it?”

“The streets?” he asked, and when I nodded, he shook his head.

“What about your friends? Don’t you ever miss them? You rarely ever talk about any of your friends.”

“That’s cause I never had any friends.” He said. “I got people that I saw on a regular, but when you’re tryin’ to support your kid, you don’t got time to waste being friends with nobody. When you’re out there of course you gotta be respectful to each other, and be polite and shit to avoid problems, but I didn’t want all sorts a people to be around Timmy.”

“Still…it must not have been easy not being able to rely on anyone.”

“Nah, before Timmy I had Cam…he was probably as close as I ever got to having a friend…even though to be honest, he felt more like my kid with how I had to be taking care of him. I guess if he’d stuck around ’till now I would’ve known what it felt like to raise two kids.” He chuckled.

I smiled. “How old would he be now?”

“A year older than me.”

I raised a brow. “A year older and you were the one taking care of him?”

His smile grew sad. “I told you before. Cam wasn’t like other people. He was innocent, and when somebody’s that kind of innocent, they need to be taken care of. Plus, he was small for his age. He looked like a ten-year-old kid back then, and he couldn’t fight for shit…” he trailed off.

“When we get back…after we sort out all these cases, I’ll have Nate, John and Simon look into it. If anyone can find him, they can.” I promised, and he nodded.

“Anyway there’s Frankie too I guess. He’s got my back. He’s the only person I could trust to look after Timmy when I had to be gone for a while.”

I nodded. “Timmy mentioned his name once. Am I ever going to get the chance to meet this Frankie?”

Another one-shoulder shrug. “If you want.” He said, then grinned so wide that I could only watch his face glow in silence. “He’s gonna lose his shit when he finds out I got you. He used to make fun of me every time I went out to watch you.”

I grinned. “I really want to hear all the details of you stalking me. How long did you like me before you finally grabbed my wallet?”

“A long time…months. It’s the longest I ever liked anybody. At first I was interested ’cause you seemed like a decent guy, but when I watched, the more I realized that I started liking how you looked.”

“How’d I look?”

Jason fidgeted in my arms.

“Big and strong enough that assholes wouldn’t mess with you.”

“And you liked that?” I asked in surprise. I hadn’t been expected that answer.

“Yeah, cause it meant I wouldn’t have to watch out for you or worry about somebody trying to get the jump on you. There was a lot I had to worry about back then, and it was nice to not have to add one more person to the list. I could just watch you and like you as easy as that.”

I watched his face for a moment, thinking about all the responsibilities he’d had to shoulder alone back then. I was glad that now I could be there to shoulder them with him.

“So you liked that I was big and strong. Was that really all I had going for me?” I grinned shamelessly.

“Nah…I liked your face too. It’s nice…handsome.” He blushed. Then  he bit his bottom lip for a moment before releasing it again. I titled my head up and kissed him; a peck really, but he got all shy on me again and looked away.

“We talked one time. I bet you don’t remember that.” He then said so softly that I almost missed it.

“We did? When?”

“It was a couple a’ weeks after you gave me cash that one time. We talked for a little bit. You didn’t have your car that night and I waited with you at your bus stop… and we talked.”

I frowned, wracking my brain for past bus stop conversations with random strangers but no matter how hard I thought about it, it just didn’t ring a bell and I told him so.

“Then I aint gonna tell you.” He said defiantly. “You gotta remember that one all on your own.”

“At least give me a hint about what we talked about.” I asked but he was obstinate. He shook his head, and pursed his lips.

“Why don’t I remember that?” I murmured to myself.

“Maybe you hit your head after.”

I shook my head. “I remember being without my car for about a week, but I don’t remember any late night conversations.” I said, then something occurred to me. “Was I wearing an arm sling back then?”

He nodded, eyes wide. “You remember?”

I shook my head. “It explains why I don’t remember. In the early days of my injury, I was pretty much living in a daze. I was pissed off that I couldn’t use my arm, scared that when it healed I wouldn’t be the sharp shooter that I was before, and stressed out because the Chief wouldn’t let me anywhere near the Bureau.” I told him. “You probably caught me on a night I’d drunk half the bar.”

Jason frowned. “You were drunk?”

“Must not have been a very coherent conversation on my end.” I said.

“You didn’t look drunk. You weren’t falling over or nothin’ and we had a proper talk. You were calm, and we had a whole conversation, I swear.”

I shrugged. “Eddie used to joke that even when I’m dead drunk I’m sober enough to remember to settle the bar tab and thank the bartender on the way out. I guess I’m a calm drunk.” I laughed.

“When people are drunk they don’t lie.” Jason said. “I guess that means that everything you told me that night was the God honest truth then.” He smiled.

“Tell me what we talked about. Now I’m really curious.” I said but he smiled as though he had a juicy secret, and shook his head.

“If we’re still together eleven years from now I’ll tell you then.” He promised, and I buried my face into the sleeve of his good shoulder.

“Then you better keep that promise, because I’m not going anywhere.” Then I paused and looked at him with a smile and furrowed brows. “Why eleven?”

He shrugged. “I just said the first number that came to me.” He smiled and took a deep breath. “In eleven years Timmy’s gonna be fourteen. I can’t even imagine him so old. I wonder what he’s gonna be like.”

I shrugged. “Probably going on his first date, getting into trouble and slamming his bedroom door like every other teenager at that age.” I said. “And if he’s anything like he is now, we’re gonna have a hell of a time keeping him in check.” I grinned; excited at the prospect.

Jason turned slightly in my arms so that he was almost completely facing me.

“You know, normal people wouldn’t want to raise someone’s kid. It aint gonna be as easy as it is now.”

I feigned surprise. “It’s easy now?”

Jason rolled his eyes. “You can tell me anytime it’s too much for you. I’ll understand ‘cause I know a kid’s a lot, and you don’t got no obligation to him or nothin’”

“I accepted him as my responsibility to day I fell in love with you both. Nothing’s going to make me back down now.”

He looked at me like he had a lot more to say, but instead, he pursed his lips and shook his head.

“Don’t hold it in. Say whatever’s on your mind.” I urged, and after a long pause he did.

“How come you went and started liking me? I treated you like shit in the beginning.”

“You did?” I raised a brow.

He shrugged. “I was angry all the time and I acted like I didn’t like you.”

“You’re still angry all the time.” I said with a grin, and his eyes narrowed into a glare. “I don’t know, one day I realized that you meant something to me and from there, that feeling just kept growing. It’s not something I can explain.”

“It’s weird how we don’t get to choose who we love huh?”

“Is it?” I asked absently.

“I don’t know. I bet a lot of people wouldn’t choose to love the people they love now. It just kinda happened, and now they don’t got no choice but to be stuck.”

I considered his words carefully before I spoke next.

“Is that how you feel? Stuck?”

“No.” he said with a frown. “I feel happy. I’m wondering if sometimes you feel stuck.”

“Never. The moment I started feeling something for you I embraced it one hundred percent. You’re the one who fought it remember?”

“Only ’cause I was scared I think. I didn’t wanna start loving you and then you change your mind and leave.”

I smiled at the irony of it all.

“How come you’re smiling?

My eyes met and held his. “Because half the time it feels like you’ve got one foot out the door and it’s only a matter of time before you run.”

He shook his head. “I’d tell you if I was gonna run.” He said.

“Would you?”

He nodded. “I’d ask you to come with me.” his words came out in a half whisper, and just about made my heart stumble over itself. I found myself smiling up at him even though he was suddenly too shy to look at me.

“I love this new side of you. I love that you’ve decided to be more open with me about what’s going on in that head of yours.”

“You better not break my heart or nothin.” he grumbled in response but his expression was pinched, as if it had cost him an arm and a leg just to show such a small amount of vulnerability.

I smiled. “Have you ever loved anyone else before me?”

“Like who?” he asked with a raised brow and a small frown. I laughed because I already had my answer.

He looked me in the eyes then, his eyes narrowed. “What about you?” and the unreasonable jealousy I saw in them had me laughing again.

“Just you Jace.”

“But you had boyfriends…” he trailed off suggestively and I shook my head.

“Not exactly boyfriends, just…” I trailed off searching for an appropriate word to describe what I had with the men from my past.

“People you fucked.” He supplied easily. I nodded

“Did you make ’em meet your family?”

“Other than the one guy when I was in High School, no.” I said, hugging him closer and loving every minute of the conversation, because jealous, attentive Jason was my favorite. He fell silent though, and the next time he opened his mouth, it was to change the topic.

“What’s your friend like?”

“Which friend?”

“The one we’re gonna stay with.”

“Damion.” I said, and he nodded.

“He’s a good guy; a firefighter and a business man. I’ve known him since High School. Back then he moved around a lot because of his dad, so he didn’t stick around very long, but we managed to keep in touch.” I explained. “I think you’ll like him. Other than Simon, he’s probably the smartest guy I’ve ever met. He’s a bit quiet too, but easy enough to talk to and always willing to lend a hand.”

“Does he know me and Timmy are coming too?”

“He knows.”

“And he don’t got no problem with it?”

“He would be okay with it even if I was coming with a whole army. Don’t worry about it.”

“Does he know you’re into guys?”

I smiled. “He knows.”

But Jason must have misinterpreted the smile because he was out of my lap so fast, that he almost tripped over his own leg.

“You know, I’m really starting to like it when you get jealous.”

“I aint jealous. I’m just askin’ questions.”

“Uhuh, well I’ll just go ahead and put it out there then that Damion and I have never been, nor will we ever be interested in each other. We’re good friends and that’s about it.”

Jason shrugged, folding his arms before him (as best he could with a sling on), as he looked away from me.

“I never asked. I know he’s your friend.”

“Come back over here.” I called, opening my arms wide but he shook his head, and went to lean against the porch railing instead.

For about a minute, I watched him stare off into the yard as if it was suddenly the most fascinating thing in the world, and as I watched him pout, I made the conscious decision to ruin his mood further with news that had to be said, even if he didn’t want to hear it.

“Come here.” I called again, this time patting the seat of the chair beside me. “I want to talk to you about something.”

Jason glanced at me with furrowed brows. “About what?”

“Come here first.” I repeated, and this time he came and sat in the seat beside me.

“Okay tell me.” he folded his arms before him as he watched me.

“We’re still leaving as planned.” I began. “But I’m helping my team with the investigation as much as I can before we go.”

Jason’s response was a long time coming. He’d already turned his eyes away from me, and now stared out into the yard; eyes looking vacant.

“Do whatever you want.” He finally said.

“I understand why you don’t want me involved. I respect your views and you know that, but I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I can’t just leave my team hanging like this.” I told him. “I’m already leaving the brunt of the work on their shoulders so I need to do whatever I can to help before I go.”

“I’m gonna go check on Timmy.” Jason responded, but when he stood, I took hold of his good hand.

“Let’s finish this conversation first.”

“What conversation? You already made up your mind so there aint nothin’ left for me to say right?” he tried to shake off my grip but I held firm.

“Can’t we compromise on this? I’m already putting everything on hold to run off with you and Timmy. Can’t you just accept th…” I trailed off when I saw his stricken expression, and sighed.

“Don’t take it the wrong way Jace. It’s not a problem for me to go. I’ll do anything for you both. I just want to help my team too. Can’t you accept that?”

Jason was glaring now. “Can’t you let go of me?”

I released him immediately and he crossed the porch in two short strides, pulled open the door, and let it slam shut behind him when he entered the house. I took a deep breath and released it slowly before getting up to follow.

………………………….

Dinner was a quiet affair…at least where the adults in the room were concerned. I imagined my parents had long ago picked up on the tension between us, and so they spent majority of their time looking between us and then at each other as they silently communicated.

Jason hadn’t said more than two words to me since he’d left me out on the porch. Instead, he focused his attention on Timmy, who was very happy to receive it. When I reached across the table to the scoop potato salad into Jace’s plate, he looked at me as if I’d committed some grave sin.

Dad cleared his throat, mom dug into her food with far more gusto than necessary, and I decided to mind my own damn business. Arguing with Jason was certainly not at all how I pictured our long-awaited reunion to go… and we were only a few days in.

“Everything okay with you two?” Leave it to my dad to begin an unwanted investigation at the dinner table.

“Yes.” I lied, while Jason chose not to respond.

“You know they have this thing called ‘couple’s therapy’ at your mom’s focus group…” He trailed off. I glanced at Jason who had visibly turned red from embarrassment.

I looked at the chief with a raised brow. He only raised a brow back and I shook my head.

“Timmy eat your broccoli dear.” My mom reached across to take the broccoli Timmy was trying desperately to crush with his fist, and return it to his plate.

“Gwammy no.” he pouted, but the moment Jason picked it up and held it to his mouth, he took a  bite without an ounce of hesitation. My mom and I shared a knowing look. and she smiled.

“When was the last time you spoke to your sister Kim Michael?” she asked then.

“Sometime last week. Why?

“Do you know that she’s visiting in two weeks?”

I nodded.“ she mentioned it, yeah.“

“You haven’t seen each other in a while.” Mom continued. “It would be a shame if you missed this chance.” She told me, though her eyes shifted from me to Jason and back, and I instantly realized what she was doing.

I sighed. “Mom. don’t.”

“Don’t what? What’s wrong with you spending some quality time with your sister?” she asked, eyes wide with feigned innocence.

It was no secret that she didn’t want us to leave. Especially when it was going to be for an indeterminate period of time. Ever since I’d broken the news to her, she had made her views quite clear. More than anything though, I got the distinct impression that it was Timmy she was  determined not to part with.

Whereas she’d previously spent the majority of her days alone while my dad worked, she now had Timmy to dote on all day long. Having him leave now, when she wasn’t sure when she would see him again would no doubt break her heart. But guilting Jason into staying wasn’t the way to go about it.

“I’ll visit them in the summer like I always do.” I countered, and she visibly deflated. Beside me, Jason’s eyes were downcast as he pushed around the uneaten food in his plate.

She reached across and patted Timmy’s head, causing the kid to break out into a huge grin. The type of grin that was only reserved for grandma. In the two weeks that Jason had been gone they had spent so much time together that my mom and Liam were practically tied for the title of Timmy’s best friend. I wondered if he would be alright when we left.

“We’ll be back before you know it, and you know Timmy will be bugging us to video chat with you guys everyday.”

The kid had experienced so much already in such a short time, and I didn’t think more separation from the people he loved was the best move right now. I glanced again at Jason who was still stressed about his recent ordeal, and as a result, continued to maintain his stance about our need to escape from reality.

More often than not, I found myself wondering just what it would take to convince him to return once we were out of state. One thing was for sure though, I wouldn’t be returning without them both.

As forks scraped against my mom’s delicate china, and Timmy and my dad started up their never-ending conversation about tools, I thought about the promise I had made to myself when I’d been agonizing over Jason’s whereabouts. The promise about our future; marrying the rough, angry kid I’d found on the streets so many months ago.

He glanced up from his plate for a second, and when he caught me watching him, his expressive eyes narrowed into a glare that could cut through glass. I smiled despite myself because everything about him; the good and the bad, somehow managed to make me happy. He made me want to do everything possible to make his life easier, to keep him happy, safe and far away from the cruelty of the real world.

Who would have thought that having my pocket picked by a street kid on a cold Friday night would have brought me so much joy. So while the man I loved glared angrily at me, I thought about the ring I would put on his finger, the future we would have together, and how I would do everything in my power to shelter him and his son from the fucked-up realities of life.

…………………………………….

“I love you.”  I declared in the quiet confines of the car as we drove home from my parent’s place later that evening.

For a moment he said nothing, and I thought that in his anger he wouldn’t respond at all, but after a few seconds ticked by, his soft reply finally came.

“I know.”

“Then let’s stop this.”

“Stop what?” I kept my eyes planted on the road but I could hear the edge to his voice.

“This…the silent treatment, the arguing. I just got you back, the last thing I want is more distance between us.”

Jason sighed. “I just want them to forget about us. If you go there and start asking a bunch a’ questions then you’ll piss ’em off, and then they aint never gonna leave us alone.”

“Right now because we can’t trust anyone, there are only three agents working this investigation. If I can step in and give even a little bit of help, then the faster they can move things along, and get to the bottom of this. The sooner we wrap up the case, the sooner you, me and Timmy can get back to our lives without having the look over our shoulder. Do you understand that?”

“Yes but—”

“All I’ll be doing is asking questions Jace. I can’t leave them to shoulder everything on their own when I’m just as much apart of the team as they are. It would be irresponsible…especially after everything they’ve done to help me find you.”

This time when I glanced at him, his brows were furrowed, and his bottom lip was trapped between his teeth. He seemed to be contemplating my words, and I allowed him his opportunity to do so without interruption.

In the back, Timmy was silently playing with Bunny, oblivious to the important discussion being held up front. As Jason turned his attention back out the window and the car once again descended into silence, I released a sigh and focused my attention on the road ahead.

………………………………….

Jason

I was fourteen when I stepped out of my old man’s house and never looked back. I was a scared kid acting tough in a world that felt way too fucking big for me. I was angry too. Angry enough to beat the shit outta anybody who felt like they had the right to mess with me, because the day I parted ways with my good for nothin’ dad, was the day I promised myself that aint nobody was ever gonna make me feel helpless again.

I should ’a put more thought into it though, because I’d left with the clothes on my back and two hundred bucks that I stole from his sock drawer. That first week, I nearly froze to death in some random alleyway next to one of those big blue dumpsters that they had all over town.

I learned my lesson real quick after that. I learned to get outta my own head, and pay attention to what the other street folks were doing. So it wasn’t long before I knew how to keep warm, where to go to find food, how to make easy money, and more importantly, to not go around making friends. Friends could turn to enemies real quick, and just like with everything else, I learned that shit the hard way.

I was fifteen when I hotwired my first car, and six months later, I was on my first and last police chase through the city streets. I could easily remember how it felt being behind that wheel with the police sirens making a racket not too far behind me. I could remember how it felt watching my buddy Cam, clutch his seatbelt in the passenger seat beside me; scared shitless…as usual. I could easily remember every single thought that rushed through my head at the time.

I was one hundred percent sure I was gonna get caught and thrown in prison to rot. At the same time, I was one hundred percent sure that I wasn’t gonna let Cam go down with me. A kid like that wasn’t meant for no prison.

That was the day we almost died; the day I drove us off the road and the car wrapped itself around a light post like a fuckin’ churro. And even though we got away from the law, that shit scared me ‘straight.’  It was when we were hopping away through some nearby alleyway, bruised and sore on every part of our bodies, that I decided I was gonna stick to smaller cons. I didn’t escape my old man just to end up dead on the side of the road, or behind bars watching him smirk at me with that ‘I told you so’ expression that he always wore.

But I’d already gone and gotten me a reputation, and suddenly the whole shittin’ town was knocking on my ‘door’ trying to get me to be their lackey.

That was the second time I escaped. First from my dad, and second from the street hooligans who wouldn’t take no for an answer. I packed up what little possessions I had and bolted, but this time I wasn’t alone. Cam and his best friend Monte came too, because I was the fool who’d put them in danger in the first place.

They were my first friends; the first people who I called family after I came to live on the streets. We took care of each other out there. We were functional and happy. Or at least I thought we were, until Cam and Monte disappeared in the dead of night, without so much as a word to me. That’s when I came to my senses.

The streets weren’t my fuckin’ playground; it was serious business. So I said a big ‘fuck you’ to the universe and to my so-called street family , and went on my way… solo. Solo was better anyway; you couldn’t trust people. All they did was fuck up your life or abandon you like the little street rat that you were.

I celebrated my sixteenth birthday in an abandoned car in the middle of nowhere. It was a little rust-bucket with no paint, no windows and no doors, but I’d been sleeping there for about three days, and it was comfortable enough even without the seats. All I had to do was spread my jacket out on the rusted metal floor and I was good.

At the time, sixteen had felt like a good age to me. It felt like some momentous occasion where I had suddenly turned into a man. Shit like that had to be celebrated. So I swiped a pack of birthday candles from a convenience store close by, and bought me a full-house hotdog from David, the street vendor, who sold it to me for dirt cheap.

That night, I stuck a single birthday candle right into the center of the hotdog, lit it with my lighter and made a wish like a kid. The irony.

I remember closing my eyes real tight and and whispering those all too important words out into the universe: ‘Just let one thing go right for me. Just one thing.’

And as crazy as it sounds, it worked. My birthday miracle came a few months later in the form or a shitload of beautiful responsibility, that suddenly made everything worth it.

By the time Timmy came along, I was already a master of the streets. Nobody could tell me nothin’ that I didn’t already know, and even though it was tough, my kid always had food to eat and a place to call home.

Home .

Home was simple. It was wherever you planned to sleep that night. Didn’t matter if it wasn’t yours, didn’t matter if you had to share, didn’t matter if it didn’t come with a bed. If you had plans to sleep there then that was your home.

I never could understand why old folks felt like they had to go around giving some bullshit deeper meaning to simple, straightforward things, and the truth was, I didn’t care anyway. They could see the world however which way they wanted to, and I would see it my way.

But then I went and did something that the streets didn’t prepare me for. I fell in love. Yup, like a fool, I went and got my heart snatched up by some guy I didn’t even deserve. A guy who loved me even though I didn’t have a single thing to offer him. A guy who went out of his way to make my life easier, who wasn’t afraid to introduce me to his parents, and who told me he loved me like it was the easiest thing in the world. A guy who smiled at me even when I was mad at him, who loved my kid like he was his own, and who put his own life in danger just to save mine.

I looked over at that guy now. I felt like he didn’t really understand how much I cared about him. He didn’t get how scared I was thinking about him getting hurt, or how worried I was that those assholes would find a way to get to him. He didn’t understand that the meaning of ‘home’ had changed in my heart, and I wasn’t ready for it all to go away.

When I sighed, Michael glanced over at me for a second, before he turned his eyes back to the road. I loved him enough to worry about him, and that was still new for me because in my whole life there were only two people who’d ever really meant anything me; Cam and Timmy. I’d already lost Cam, and I wasn’t interested in losing anybody else.

He reached over and patted my head. “You’re thinking too much.” He said, messing up my hair.

I looked at his hands that were both back on the steering wheel; capable hands that knew how to kill, defend and protect. Of course I knew I was wrong. Michael wasn’t a coward, and his friends really did risk their lives to protect me, so it was only fair that he helped them, but….

I shook my head to get rid of all those stressful thoughts. I’d already lost this argument anyway.

“When you go tomorrow don’t make them mad.” I said. “Just ask questions and then come home.”

When I looked at Michael, he was grinning. “Okay mom.” He said, and I frowned.

“I’m serious.”

“I know you are. I’ll be in and out of there without a fuss. Then we can leave for a while.”

“Your mom doesn’t want you to go. She didn’t look too happy with me at dinner.” I commented, and again Michael smiled.

“She doesn’t want Timmy to go. I don’t exist in her world anymore.” He chuckled.

I nodded slowly, wondering what she thought about me disrupting her kid’s life again and again and again. Truth was, I liked Michael’s mom. She was everything I’d wanted my own mom to be, so taking Michael away from her tied my stomach up in knots.

I felt guilty, but I was selfish too, and the selfishness was gonna win this round. I wanted Michael and Timmy away from this place even if it meant affecting other people.

“Get out of your head Jace. You worry too much.” He continued. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“Kyle says coming over tomorrow…if you’re okay with it.”

“Yeah, he told me. He’s been really worried about you.”

I nodded. “He says he’s gonna dye my hair back to normal for me.” I muttered.

“Daddy, I want fwies.” Timmy mumbled from the back.

I glanced back at him. He was asleep; eyes closed, mouth open and all, but even in his dreams my kid could only think about food. I grinned, and when I looked at Michael he was smiling too.

“I think I fell in love with him all over again when I got back.” I confessed. “He’s actually perfect.”

“He really is.”

“Thanks for keeping him safe for me.”

“Thanks for coming back.” He responded.

I shook my head. “That was all you. I would ‘a never got out on my own. That place was like a fuckin’ space station. How long before you would ’a given up?” I asked quietly, because I genuinely wanted to know the answer.

Michael frowned. “I wouldn’t have.”

“What if I was there for months?”

“Even if it had been years I still would have kept looking.”

I watched his face for a long time. I watched the way his jaw was set, the way his eyes were pinched at the side as he glared at the road in front of us, and how tightly his fingers were wrapped around the wheel.

“You swear?”

He glanced at me. “Easily.” Michael said, and I smiled because I believed him.

Either the universe was sick and tired of throwing me curve balls or this was my reward for putting up with it all this time. Either way, knowing that he was all mine was slowly starting to make everything in the past worth it.

“Poppy.” Timmy mumbled again in his sleep.

“Did you always want kids?” I asked because the thought suddenly popped into my head.

“It wasn’t really something I gave much thought to in the past to be honest.” He explained. “I guess I always knew that one day I would have my own but I never consciously sat down and thought about having them.”

“Oh.”

“What about you?”

“Never had no reason to think about it ’til I found out Timmy’s mom was pregnant.”

“And what about the future. Would you ever want another one?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think I wanna be spreading my love to too much people. I gotta save as much of it as possible for Timmy…and you.” I said, then ducked my head when my ears started to get hot.

Michael chuckled. “There’s no limit on love. Even if you share it with someone else, the love you have for me and Timmy won’t weaken.”

“How do you know?”

“I just do.”

“That aint a real answer.”

Michael smiled. “One day you’ll see for yourself.”

“Always thinkin’ you’re wise huh?” I teased with a grin.

He shrugged but he was smiling too when he said; “I won’t deny it.”

This was the smile I’d missed the most when I was in that warehouse. The one where his eyes got all crinkly and you could tell he was smiling with his whole face. I loved that smile.

“What about you? Now that you know what it’s like to take care of Timmy, do you want a whole buncha kids runnin’ around?”

“A little girl wouldn’t hurt.”

I rolled my eyes. “You say it like they grow on trees.”

“I think Timmy would make a good big brother, don’t you?”

I turned to look at the little monster sleeping in the car seat and shook my head. “I think he’d hate it. Timmy likes to get all the attention. He’s selfish like that.” I said.

Michael chuckled. “I think you’re right.”

“And anyway, I gotta sort out my life. I aint got no time to be thinkin’ about more kids. That shit takes planning and money and responsibility. I don’t got a lot of that to spare right now.”

Michael nodded slowly but his eyes got all distant, like he was thinking real hard about something. Then just when I thought the conversation was over, he started it right back up again.

“What about marriage?”

“What about marriage? I repeated.

“What do you think about it?”

“It’s whatever. Don’t see the point of getting all dressed up just to walk down some frilly aisle and kiss in front of a bunch ’a strangers.”

“That’s the ceremony. I’m talking about a marriage; long term commitment.”

“Since when does long term commitment equal marriage?”

“It doesn’t.” he said after a long pause. “So, you don’t want to get married then?”

“I never said that.” I told him.

“So you do want to get married.” He said the words all reverent like.

“Are you proposing?”

I aint never seen nobody’s head turn so fast the second the words came outta my mouth. I was pretty sure he’d sprained something in that neck of his. He looked at me for all of one second before he turned back to what he should really be focusing on; the road.

I watched as he opened and closed his mouth a few times like he was malfunctioning, and I laughed.

“Relax, I’m just messin’ with you. I don’t got no thoughts about marriage, and even if I did, I gotta get my life together first anyway. A man can’t be gettin’ married without a penny to his name and nothing to contribute.”

“So if I was proposing just now, you would have turned me down?” he was smiling when he asked it.

“No. if that’s what you want then I’ll do it.”

“But it’s not what you want?”

I chewed on my bottom lip as I stared out into the traffic. “When I was in the warehouse, I thought about a lot ’a things I wanted to do different when I got out, but my goals are the same. I got the same priorities. There’s things I wanna achieve for myself first, before I go making certain big decisions.”

Michael nodded. “I can understand that.”

“But one day it would be nice to wear a ring and tell people you’re my husband and be stuck together legally. One day, but but right now.”

He nodded again but he didn’t look upset, he looked like he accepted it, and like he understood. That was another thing about Michael that I was still trying to get used to; how much he listened to me and tried to understand where I was coming from.  Suddenly, I felt like an asshole for fighting him about the investigation. Maybe it was time for me to be a little understanding too…even if him being there scared the shit outta me.

But still, I couldn’t help the way my stomach twisted up in knots just thinking about what could happen if Michael pissed them off. They had people everywhere. They weren’t just some average lowlife thugs; they were serious business.

“Be careful tomorrow, okay?”

Michael looked at me. “Stop worrying so much. I’ll be fine. When I get home tomorrow I’ll take you and Timmy out for dinner. How does that sound?”

“Micha Timmy no want dinnow”

I laughed when I heard his little voice, and turned to see him awake and rubbing his eyes.

“Okay buddy. Tomorrow I’ll get you ice-cream alright?” Michael told him, glancing at my son in the rearview.

Timmy nodded, then reached across the seat to pick up Bunny. I turned back around in my seat when I felt Michael’s hand slip into mine. I looked down at our joined hands then up at his face. He looked straight ahead, focused on the road and never said a word.

This time when I turned away from him to look out my window, I was smiling.

…………………………………..

Timmy and John didn’t get along. Timmy looked at him like he was just this big thing that was in his way, and John looked at Timmy like he was the ugliest bug he’d ever seen. It was weird watching a grown man and a little kid have a ‘stink eye’ contest in Michael’s kitchen, but that was exactly what was happening

Kyle stood behind me, dying what was left of my hair back to black, and I sat watching them. It wasn’t that they hated each other or nothin’ they just didn’t look like they knew what to do with each other. John was too big and Timmy was too small, and it made both of them uncomfortable.

“Johnny stop looking at him like that.” Kyle said, and John frowned.

“Like what?”

“Like he’s not human.”

“He just keeps looking at me. Is that normal?” John asked in a half whisper. He looked confused. “Doesn’t he have toys he can play with or something?”

“I think he’s just tryin’ to figure out if he should like you or not.” I told him.

“Don’t like me. Trust me, it won’t end well.” John told Timmy, and my kid frowned and his eyes narrowed into little slits.

“Daddy Johnny no let Timmy haf gwapes.” Timmy complained, pointing to the bowl of grapes that was sitting on the counter in front of John.

John plucked a single grape from the bowl.

“Here” he said, and threw it gently in Timmy’s direction, but Timmy being Timmy, reacted too late, and the grape bounced off his forehead and disappeared somewhere in the room. That’s when the glaring really started, and behind me, Kyle sighed.

“You’re the grownup, you should be setting an example.” Kyle scolded him.

“Is it my fault the kid has poor reflexes?”

“He’s a baby.” Kyle continued, and John looked at his lover like he’d grown an extra head.

“Which baby do you know with a full set of teeth?” he said. “He’s the devil is what he is.”

“Because he has teeth?” Kyle questioned in confusion, and I laughed.

“You can see it in his eyes.”

“Daddy I no haf in my eyes.” Timmy made sure to let me know, then stuck out his tongue at John.

“You know, little people should be respectful to people who are a lot bigger than them. Do you know why?” he asked, and when Timmy shook his head, John stood. I watched as Timmy’s eyes went wide, and he titled his head all the way back so he could look up into John’s face.

He shrunk behind the stool like a cute little coward when John took a step towards him. The closer he came, the wider his eyes got, but then John passed by him without a word and disappeared from the room. A moment later, we heard the sound of the TV in the living room.

Timmy stood, stuck his two favorite fingers into his mouth and followed.

“Sit here and hold your head back.” Kyle said. A second later, I closed my eyes and let him rinse the dye out of my hair and eyebrows. He was gentle, so it was like I was getting a head massage. I wondered if this was what it felt like to get your hair done at one of those fancy hair salons people were always throwing their money at.

“I can’t believe those jerks chopped off all your gorgeous curly hair. What did Michael say about it?”

“Nothing.” I said miserably.

“Hmm. Well it’s not like you lost an arm I guess. Good thing it’ll grow back, and then Michael can get back to fan-girling over it.” He grinned.

“Sit up.”

Kyle dropped the towel over my head and rubbed it through my hair a couple times to dry it; which definitely wouldn’t take long.

“Alright, now let me see you.” He dropped the towel on the counter and stood back to look at me. “You look nothing like the Jason I know, but at least you’ve got your black back.”

“You know what would really look cool?”

“What?”

“If you did it in rainbow colors for pride.”

“When’s pride?”

Kyle’s eyes narrowed. “June. You say that like you’re actually considering it.”

“I aint.” I grinned, and he rolled his eyes.

“Suit yourself. I’m gonna try to convince Riley to do it with me, but he’s a lot like you; he likes his comfort zone. How do you get anything done with the sling on?” he pointed to my arm. One thing was for sure, Kyle really was talented at changing the subject.

“What do I gotta get done?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know, shower and—oh never mind, you’ve got a big, strong, capable man to help you with all that.” He was grinning at me now and wiggling his eyebrows like there was something on them that he needed to shake off.

“i got shot too once.” He said, then frowned like he just swallowed something sour. “But my dad was the one to take care of me so it wasn’t particularly memorable.”

“You got a problem with your old man?”

“No, he’s a chill guy. He’s got poor taste in women but he’s pretty chill and likable, I guess.”

I nodded. I was really starting to wonder if I was the only one in the world with shitty parents. Obviously I was standing in the wrong line when they were giving out the good ones.

Kyle messed with my hair a little bit more, then started poking at my cheeks.

“Okay, now we have to do something about your face.”

“What’s wrong with my face?”

“You look like you haven’t slept in months. Look how dark under your eyes are. And frankly, no one your age should be carrying around eye bags this big. It’s a disaster.”

“Oh.” I said, touching the skin beneath my eyes with my fingertips.

“When was the last time you exfoliated?” Kyle shook his head.

“Uh…never.”

Kyle shook his head like he was disappointed in me.

“You’re too pretty to let your skin go to waste like this.” He announced, then pulled his phone out of his bag and started tapping on the screen. Then he stood there staring at it for a good two minutes before he started going through Michael’s cupboards.

“I usually rely on Riley to make my skincare products for me, but since he’s gone, I have to do it myself. Luckily, he started a blog and I can get all his skincare recipes there.” He explained, while he searched through the cupboards and started pulling out ingredients. “College kids these days have so much time on their hands, I swear.”

“So he sells skin stuff?”

“No, he just makes them for himself, and if they work for his skin he posts his recipes online. There’s a reason he has flawless skin you know. Don’t go thinking he was born looking that fabulous.”

“Oh.”

“He posted this Cocoa Butter Oatmeal Mask last week that I’ve been dying to try. Apparently it’s a mask, a scrub and a moisturizer all in one, so that should help your little skin problem, but nothing on earth can help those eye bags. You really need to sleep more.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve been trying.”

Kyle nodded but paused to look at me for a second.

“What you went through was pretty traumatic. Do you get nightmares?”

I nodded. “Every time I dose off.”

Again he nodded. “You should really try seeing a therapist. Beauty sleep is important.”

“I guess.”

“It’s important for your mental health too, just so you know.” He commented, looking serious for the first time ever. For a second he even looked a little bit worried about me. Then just like that, he went back to searching for ingredients and humming some song I didn’t know.

“Okay so first we gotta melt the cocoa butter and then mix it with the cane sugar until it gets fluffy.” Kyle read the recipe from his phone. “How does sugar even get fluffy? Riley really needs to learn how to explain himself better.” He mumbled to himself.

“Like when you’re baking a cake. If you mix the butter and sugar long enough it starts looking soft and fluffy.” I told him.

He raised a brow. “You know how to bake?”

“No, Timmy’s gran—. I mean, Michael’s mom bakes all the time, so I kinda have an idea of how it works.”

“Ah, Timmy’s grandma.” He said, wiggling his eyebrows at me and grinning wide. I turned away when I felt my face go hot.

“No need to get all shy. I ship you guys. I’m the captain of your station. Not that you can really ship two people who are already together…”

I took the bowl from him and shook my head. Half the time he sounded like he was joking around, but I was starting to think that he really took everything he said seriously. Like how he was standing there looking like he was seriously trying to figure out the requirements for shipping two people.

“I swear you and Michael have the cutest love story. FBI agent arrests street kid (no offence) who tries to pick his pocket late one night. Finds out said street kid has an actual kid and takes father and son out from the cold.” He said all dramatic-like. “It’s like a romance novel.”

“What’s you and John’s story?”

“He was mean and grouchy, but I wouldn’t take no for an answer. The end.” He grinned.

“Daddy, Timmy haf cookies too!” I looked down to see Timmy tugging on my pants.

“It’s not cookies. It’s something for your skin.” I told him.

“It really does smell like cookies, doesn’t it? Kyle said. “Riley really knows how to make a guy fall right off his carefully crafted diet plan.”

“How come you’re on a diet?” He didn’t look like he needed it. He was small and healthy-looking already.

“I’m going on a cruise in a couple of months. I gotta work on my summer body from now. If you guys come back from your little break in time you should come along. I’m sending out the invites next week so talk to Michael and decide if you want to.” He said.

“Okay. We’ll see.”

“Come here fat cheeks.” Kyle bent down to pick up Timmy. “Unfortunately, this is an adult-only cruise where we’ll be doing adult-only things, and having adult-only conversations, and making adult-only messes. Do you know what that means?”

Timmy shook his head.

“It means that a few months from now, you’ll be eating lots of cookies and cakes at grandma’s house while Daddy and Daddy enjoy some cozy alone-time with their adult friends.” He grinned.

“I want cookies.” Timmy licked his lips and Kyle laughed.

“Man, I think I really want one of these one day.” He continued. “Can you imagine having a mini-you walking around with? A kid with my DNA would dominate the playground.” He finished with a smile and a sigh, then set Timmy down again.

“Let me mix it, you’re making a mess with the sling on.” He took the bowl and spoon from me.

“Daddy Timmy haf go bafroom.”

“Go ask Johnny to go with you.” Kyle said chuckling.

“No.”

“If you do, I’ll give you cookies.”

Timmy shook his head. “No.”

“And ice-cream.”

That worked. Timmy disappeared so fast, I had to roll my eyes. Kids like him were the ones that stressed out their parents. The ones who any stranger could bribe with food.

I didn’t hear any talking from the other room, but I heard it when the bathroom door down the hall squeaked open and then slammed shut.

“Okay, where’s the oa—?”

“Johnny you haf hold Timmy!” I heard my kid shout and a second later, I heard a splash and Timmy screaming like you wouldn’t believe.

Me and Kyle were skating across the kitchen floor like it was on fire, and when we busted through the bathroom door, it was to see John pulling Timmy out of the toilet. He had his head, arms and feet sticking up in the air while he screamed bloody murder. He’d gone and fallen in butt-first.

Just like that, he’d faced his worst fear. This is what happened when you didn’t install the kid-friendly toilet seat on all the toilets in the house.

“I didn’t realize I had to hold him while he went.” John said, looking only a little bit guilty as he held him towards me.

Timmy cried as I bathed him, cried as I put him in clean clothes, and cried as I carried him back into the kitchen and gave him a tiny bowl of grapes. Mostly he cried for Michael and Poppy, and when I told him they were busy at work, he cried some more.

If there was ever a chance that Timmy and Johnny could be friends, that idea went out the door the second Timmy’s butt touched the toilet water. Nothing I did could calm him down, so finally, I dialed Poppy’s number, gave him my phone and left them to have a nice, long tearful chat.

…………………………….

Michael

“Alright calm down. It’s not the end of the world kid.” My dad was saying to someone on the phone.

I sat with Eddie in the chief’s office, where we had been for the last two hours discussing the intricacies of the investigation.

So far, I’d learned that the ones who willingly confessed were the ones without much information. They got their orders, carried them out and received a decent income for their efforts. Otherwise they were kept in the dark. The ones who broke under interrogation could only give one name and that was Stanley.

Stanley, the old man who’d used Jason’s body as a shield when we’d raided the warehouse. The same guy I’d shot in twice without a moment’s pause. I could only hope he was having a painful recovery. I’d gathered some information about him from Jason’s recounting of the events that took place while he’d been held captive there, but that wasn’t much to go on.

His workers didn’t seem to know much about him either, other than that he was the guy with the money and the orders. From what I’d gathered, he visited the warehouse two, sometimes three times a week. He didn’t say more that what was necessary to get the job done, and apparently he was a guy you didn’t cross.

From what Eddie, Simon and the Chief had gathered, he was responsible for a lot of the dead bodies that had been popping up across down in recent years. All those unsolved murders that had sent the Bureau’s stellar record into the waste bin.

This was the man to talk to, and according to Eddie, he’d announced that he would only talk to me. The fact that he could ask for me by name certainly did nothing to ease my misgivings about this entire case. And to think, this was exactly what Jason had been trying to avoid.

“I understand that son, but your bottom is still there, right? All your body parts are intact?” the Chief’s strange conversation continued. “Exactly, so stop your crying and take a deep breath. Can you do that for me?”

Eddie and I exchanged a look. This conversation was getting stranger by the minute.

“That’s it. Trust me, this happens to kids your age all the time. One minute they think they’ve got good balance and the next, they’re in a place they don’t want to be in. You just have to accept it for what it is and move on.”

“Whose he talking to?” Eddie whispered and I shrugged, even though I certainly had my suspicions.

“Exactly, so go on and dry those tears. Ask your dad to make you a nice refreshing glass of lemonade and I’ll make sure to come visit you later tonight. Alright?” he continued. “Yes, I promise. Okay I will. Stop crying. Alright, I’ll see you tonight. Yes, I’ll bring ice-cream. Okay son bye. Love you too. Okay, hang up now. Good boy.”

“What’s wrong?” I asked when my dad set down the phone.

He looked at me with a grave expression. “Apparently Timmy fell into the toilet. He blames John.”

When Eddie started laughing we could only look at him. Of course only a person who didn’t have kids would find humor in this. For us parents, this was a major setback…especially if you had a kid who was as stubborn as Timmy.

Getting him to use the toilet from now on was going to be like pulling teeth, which meant more pants wetting at all hours of the day and night. I groaned, and beside me Eddie continued to enjoy it.

“Don’t you have somewhere to be Agent Reynolds?” The chief asked with narrowed eyes. As expected, he was not amused. Everyone knew he had a soft spot for Timmy, but when that kid cried, it affected him a lot more than it should. Where was this soft spot when I was a kid?

I chuckled, but when the Chief’s eyes zeroed in on mine, I cleared my throat and stood.

“Where’s this Stanley asshole? Are they still monitoring him at the hospital?” I immediately got down to business.

“Luckily, you only gave him flesh wounds. He was discharged a few hours ago. We’ve got him in lockup. I’ll ring Simon and have him escort him to the interrogation room.”

We waited for him to make the call, then stood and crossed the room. “Let’s get this over with then.” I said to Eddie, who was wiping the corners of his eyes with the tail-end of his shirt

“Coming Chief?” I asked when we reached the door, but he waved me away.

“I’ll join you in a minute.”

“I can’t wait ’till Timmy grows up. I’m never gonna let him live this one down.” Eddie chuckled  as we made our way to the observation room.

“You don’t want him as your enemy. That kid’s going to be a force when he’s older.” I warned.

Eddie rubbed his hands together in glee. “I can’t wait.” He said, and I laughed.

When we stepped inside the room, Simon glanced up briefly before turning back to his laptop without so much as a word. Earlier that day, the chief had officially denied his request to have Dave become a criminal consultant, and he’d been in a shitty mood ever since.

“Stop sulking Sy. There’ll be plenty of other delinquents to pass through these doors. I’m sure one day you can take at least one of them under your wing.” Eddie tried to console him, but when Simon looked at him, those eyes could cut steal.

Eddie gave a low whistle and backed away to the far corner of the room, where he took a seat and pulled open his file. I chose to stand as I observed the mastermind on the other side of the glass.

He appeared to be calm as he sat there with his eyes closed. His bald head practically shone under the florescent lights above him, and the glare from said lights highlighted the numerous wrinkles on his face.

We had absolutely no information on the guy. He’d gone and filed off all his finger prints like this was some goddamn movie, and the partial print we did manage to get wasn’t in our system; wasn’t in any system. Neither was his DNA, which was strange in this day and age.

Clearly this was a man who had been living under a rock. There was no trace of him ever having passed through any airport security in the United States either. So far, he was like a ghost, but somewhere, there had to be information on the guy just waiting to me snapped up by us. We would find it.

But for now, what we could do was observe, interrogate and determine just what we were up against here.  Stanley. Something told me that was nowhere close to his real name. He looked very pale and shriveled sitting there with his hands cuffed to the table, but when he opened those eyes, and they connected with mine through the glass, there was no fragility there. I saw cunning, determination and surprisingly…resignation?

That was certainly a strange contrast to the other emotions flashing through those pale irises. Beside me, Eddie waved his hands, even though we both knew Stanley couldn’t see anything but his own reflection in the glass.

“Creepy.” Eddie commented. “It’s like he’s looking into your soul.”

Stanley didn’t fidget; not even in the slightest; except for the brief moment he had bowed his head to the table so he could scratch his nose. He looked like a guy who was patiently waiting for his name to be called at the DMV.

Except, nobody waited patiently at the DMV. There was something off about him, that was for sure. So much for hoping this guy would be easy.

“Has he said anything since his arrest?”

“Only that he wants to talk to you.” Simon supplied without looking up.

“Has anyone tried to crack him yet?”

“Me, Sy, Jimmy and the Chief, since we’re the only ones on this case. No luck. Nothing fazes him.”

Eddie took a swig of his bottled water then set it back down on the desk before him. I watched as the water droplets that were stuck to the inside of the bottle began to slowly descend. A thought occurred to me.

“He told Jason he’d recently quit smoking.”

“Yeah, and?” Eddie questioned.

“Every time he visited Jace, he had a bag of nuts with him to soothe his cravings.”

“I don’t see where you’re going with this.” Eddie continued with raised brows.

I reached across and shoved my hand into his pants pocket, then pulled out the small bag of nuts Eddie always carried around with him.

“Hey, I’m saving that!” He exclaimed, but I held it out of his reach.

“We’re not gonna break this guy easily. If I can get him to lose even the tiniest bit of focus, then it might make our lives a whole lot easier.”

“And shoving my nuts into his face is going to do the job?” Eddie questioned in annoyance.

Simon cleared his throat but otherwise remained silent.

“It’s worth a try.”

“Why am I always the one making sacrifices?” Eddie was busy mumbling to himself as I crossed the room. When I was out the door and pulling it shut after me, I saw him pull his chair closer to Simon.

Stanley looked up the moment I entered the room, and when our eyes met, what I saw in them surprised me; relief. Just what could this man possibly be relieved about at a time like this?

“Agent O’Connolly. I’m so glad you’re here.” He said with a genuine smile.

“I can’t say I share the same sentiments Stanley. Or would you rather tell me your real name so we can get all the bullshit out of the way?”

“I think Stanley will do for now.” He continued with his small smile.

I pulled out the chair across from his and sat. “I heard you would only talk to me. Why is that?”

“It’s simple really. I don’t know the other agents.”

I raised a brow. “And you know me?”

“I spent two weeks observing you while I had your lover in my care. I think I know enough.” When I only looked at him, he continued. “For instance, I know you care a great deal about your lover’s son. Little Timmy I believe he’s called.”

I felt a coldness settle inside me at his words, and I was looking him dead in the eyes when I gave him my warning.

“It’s in your best interest to take that name out of your vocabulary.”

Stanley nodded. “That’s fair. After all, family is your top priority It’s for this reason that I know that when I ask you to protect my family, I can trust you to do it.”

And this was the point where my confusion reached higher heights.

“Why do I need to protect your family?”

“Because the moment you arrested me, they were in danger.”

Yet another one-liner, as if this was some fucking drama club and he was aiming for the lead role.

“Stop talking in riddles Stanley, and spit it out. You wanted to talk, now I’m here, so talk. Otherwise I can walk right back out that door and leave you to the agents you don’t know.”

For the first time since I stepped into the room, the smile fell from his lips. I watched as his relaxed pose became rigid and he leaned forward in his seat.

“You don’t get second chances in this organization. You make one slip up and you and everyone close to you is affected. Do you understand what I’m saying Agent O’Connolly?”

“Tell me about your organization.”

“If you can guarantee the protection of my family then I’ll gladly tell you everything you want to know.”

“And why should I trust you to do that?”

“Because the second you arrested me I became a dead man walking. Even if I make it as far as the courthouse, once I get inside those prison walls I’m a dead man. It’s only a matter of time. So get my family to safety before they get to them, and I’ll tell you everything.”

“I know you have dirty agents in the Bureau. Who are they?” I questioned.

“It’s because I know you’re not one of them that I’m even talking to you.” He confirmed.

“I’ll send our most trusted guys to watch over your family Start talking.”

Stanley shook his head. “Not just to watch over. I need to get them into witness protection. That’s the deal I’m willing to sign before I confess. I want them as far away from here as possible.”

“That’s not something I can just pull out of my ass.” I told him. “What I can guarantee right now, is that I’ll send my guys over to collect your family and keep them somewhere safe until we can secure the necessary approvals.”

“I—”

He trailed off when I held up a hand. “In the meantime, you need to tell us everything you know.”

Stanley once again shook his head. “I can’t agree to those terms.”

“You said you trust me to protect your family. Was that a lie?”

“It isn’t.”

“Then trust that I’ll keep my word on that, and start talking.”

“I need better terms than a fucking promise.” He hissed.

“Then I guess your family can’t really be in that much danger if you’re willing to sit here and negotiate with their lives.” I said. He’d willingly showed me his achilles heel and now I had him right where I wanted him.

“My grandson isn’t much older than your Timmy.” He said, and the sound of my boy’s name on his lips grated on my nerves. “Just think about that incase you have any thoughts about not following through with this deal.” Stanley finished.

I nodded. “Give me their names, numbers and all the places I can find them.”

While Stanley rattled off the information, I observed his demeanor. Was this really a guy who was concerned for his family’s safety or was he sending my team into a trap?

When he was done, I listened for the tap on the glass that would signal to me that Simon and Eddie had jotted down the information.

When it came, I said “Proceed with caution.” And another tap sounded.

“You know, if you tell us who the dirty agents are, we’ll be able to ensure that those aren’t the agents we send to meet your family.”

“I don’t know who they are. I just know that you’re not one of them.” He said, and I frowned.

“I thought we were done with the bullshit.”

“I’m serious. That information is above my pay grade.”

I couldn’t sense any lies as I watched him, but I could be wrong. I found myself wondering who the Chief would select to collect his family. I wondered if he would choose to go outside of the Bureau again with this one. At the moment, it seemed like our best option.

Stanley sighed. “Where do you want me to start?”

“What is this organization you keep going on about?”

“It’s something bigger that you could ever imagine, but I only run a very small part of it.”

“Go on.”

It took a moment for him to say the words, but he took a deep breath and began. “I’m sure you’ve already suspected this. We run a drug trafficking operation. At least my small unit does. We use teenagers and young adults as our delivery system because it’s easier; less risky.

“How is that less risky? Kids don’t exactly know how to keep their mouths shut. It’s also difficult for them to fly under the radar.”

“Which is why we use the troubled kids. The ones who live on the streets; no ties, no home, no one to complain to. At least no one who’ll listen.” He said, and I felt I stomach turn at the thought of all those innocent kids getting tangled up in his mess. “Besides, we don’t want them to keep their mouths shut.”

“And why is that?”

“Because they ’re not only our drug mules. We use them to sell drugs and recruit other kids like themselves into the organization.”

I nodded. “I still don’t see how anyone running a business like that could be comfortable trusting kids with that kind of thing. They’re bound to spill the beans at some point. Tell me more.”

“You’d be surprised how tight-lipped a kid can be when you instill the fear of God in them, and a little bit of money.” He said.  “But you’re right, we can only trust them to a point. Which is why each kid goes on a maximum of four to five runs before we take them out of the picture.”

“You’re saying you kill them.” I said just to make it clear, and he conformed with a nod.

“Not personally. I only make the order.” He clarified.

“What’s the difference?”

The bastard had the audacity to smile. “You have a point there.”

“Sy, I need you in here.” I said, and a moment later, the door to the interrogation room swung open, and Simon came bustling in with his laptop in tow. When Sy was seated in the chair beside me, I continued.

“Who carries out the actual kills? Give me the names, addresses, description and anything else you can think of on each person. Don’t leave anything out.” While he spoke, Simon typed and I wondered just what would have happened to Jason if he’d met up with this guy while he was still living on the streets.

“The kids you recruit. Do they come willingly or is there coercion involved?” I asked when he finished.

“It’s easier if they’re willing.” He said. “And if we notice they have serious potential, we consider keeping them around for longer than five runs.”

“The other kids must realize that their friends are dropping off the map. What do you tell them when they start questioning all the disappearances?”

“Before they begin, they’re all told that there’s room for promotion if they do well. That means more money and they get sent out of state on bigger jobs.”

“So they think that their friends are simply stepping up in life, when the truth is, you’re murdering them as time goes by to save your operation?”

“Yes. Kids are gullible and that tends to work in our favor.”

“But not all of them are.”

Stanley nodded. “The ones who keep asking questions don’t find themselves alive for long enough to stir up suspicion.”

“Do you keep physical records of all the kids you’ve recruited?”

“Yes, but all our transactions are written in code so it’s not a simple thing to decipher.”

“Naturally. I need to the exact location of where all your records can be found and what we should expect when we send agents out to retrieve it.”

As he spoke, Simon’s fingers flew over the keyboard.

“In the meantime though, I’m sure you’ve stored some information in that brain of yours. So I want the names of all the kids you’ve ever recruited. Where, how and when you recruited them. Where they are now, the types of jobs each kid was given to preform.” I rattled off. “And if any of them have been executed, I want the location of where you dumped the bodies, and who was in charge of disposing of those bodies.”

And so Stanley spilled the beans. He had a surprisingly good memory, but I was now itching to get my hands on those physical records.

“Is this what you wanted Jason for? To become another drug mule?”

“I never planned for Jason. He just happened to fall right into our laps.” He confessed. “Ronnie is a bragger, so we’ve been hearing and his and Jason’s exploits long before I met your lover. When he was personally hand-delivered to us, we couldn’t exactly pass up the opportunity to use him.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“We had bigger plans for Jason. We recently started weapons dealing and we needed more recruits for that side of the business. I was confident that given time, I would be able to convince him to willingly participate.”

“Other than the people in the warehouse, who else knows about Jason’s existence?”

“No one that I know of.”

Good.

“Tell me more about this weapons dealing.”

“We sold and distributed guns. There’s not much to it.”

“To individuals or organizations?”

“Both.”

“I want the names and addresses of all your suppliers and how you came to know about them. I also want the names and addresses of everyone you supplied weapons to as well as the information on each weapon sold. Am I right in assuming you have detailed records of this as well?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t you think it was foolish to keep records like this in your line of business? What if they got into the wrong hands?” I questioned his sanity.

“I had people I needed to answer to. Those records weren’t exactly my idea.”

“I also want any information you can provide about the persons involved in buying, selling, and distributing these weapons. And of course I need to know where they’re stored.”

As he rattled off the information, I waited until Simon finished typing before I continued.

“Let’s talk about Ronnie for a second.” I began. “What exactly is his roll in this organization?”

“I have no idea.”

I frowned. “Explain that to me.”

“He’s not on my payroll. He works for somebody higher up than I am. Someone higher up than even my own boss.” He said. “He’s just a cocky kid who drops by sometimes, runs his mouth and leaves. The day he stopped by with Jason, he just came to lay low for a while. Then he was gone again.”

“Where is he now?”

“No clue. Haven’t heard from him since that day.”

“And he didn’t say anything at all to you when he stopped by?”

“He said we could do whatever we wanted with his friend except kill him, and then he left. I got the feeling he must care about your lover on some level, otherwise he could have just let him bleed out. When he dropped Jason off, he’d already done everything he could to staunch the flow of blood from the wound.”

That was certainly interesting news. Use your friend as a human shield and then try to patch him up after he’d been shot? Just what exactly was the deal with this Ronnie kid?

“Where’s the vehicle he showed up in?”

“They came on foot. He practically dragged Jason’s unconscious body there.”

“Did he also leave on foot?”

“He took one of our vehicles.”

“Describe the vehicle for Simon as well as the exact time and date Ronnie arrived and left the warehouse.” I said, and when he did, I continued. “Did he make any changes to his appearance while there?”

“Not that I could see. Just changed his clothes.”

I opened the file I’d brought in with me and spread various photos in front of him.

“Do you recognize any of these faces?”

They were headshots of Ronnie’s friends; the ones who had been roaming the streets with him the night he’d gotten Jason drunk and robbed the convenience store.

Stanley looked at each of them carefully before shaking his head.

“No. Who are they?” he asked, but I chose not to reply as I scooped the photos back up and hid them away again in the file.

“Who patched Jason up? I’m guessing you have a doctor on the payroll?”

“Yes. Former military man. He works exclusively for us now…as far as I know anyway.”

“Name and address.”

I reached up to rub the kink out of my neck. We’d been at it for three hours now and there was still a lot to cover. When Stanley asked for a break to relieve himself, I took one too. On my way back from the rest room, I met up with the Chief in the observation room. Eddie handed me half of his sub sandwich and a fresh bottle of water.

“Having Simon type all this is taking up a lot of time in there. This could have been over a long time ago if you didn’t have to keep pausing every few minutes.” The chief said, handing me a napkin.

“Better to get it out of the way now.” I said. “Otherwise we’ll have to sit down with the recordings later to transcribe it all. I want the team to hit the ground running as soon as we’re done here.”

The Chief nodded. “Do you think he’s telling the truth in there?”

“I’m sure he’s leaving bits of information out here and there, but I’m hoping that most of what we have is reliable. What’s the news on his family? Did you put anyone on it?”

“They’re safe, and currently being questioned as well. His name is Steven Hosiah Berkley, and from what I gather, they have no idea the type of business he’s involved in. They think he’s a retired Principal, who spends most of his free time playing golf and fishing with his buddies.”

I shook my head. “Found any priors under that name?”

“None. He’s good at covering is tracks. We’ll find out more about him soon enough. Just keep doing what your doing.”

I took two good bites of the sandwich, gulped down some water and got back to work.

“Hey, give me back my nuts since you don’t need it anymore!” I heard Eddie shout as closed the door to the observation room behind me. I ignored him.

They escorted Steven back into the room and he sat with a wince. A bullet to the thigh would do that to you. It was a thought that filled me with a great deal of satisfaction. This monster who murdered innocent kids for no other reason than to save a criminal operation could rot in prison for an eternity for all I cared.

“Alright Steven, let’s get back to it.” I said, and his eyes met mine when he heard his real name.

“You have my family.” He surmised, and I nodded.

“They’re safe, so keep up your end of the deal so that we can make all the proper arrangements for them to stay that way.”

He nodded, blew out a noisy breath in obvious relief.

“What else do you want to know?”

“The names and positions of every single member on your payroll, as well as the names of everyone you’ve working with in the past, or had relations with in connection to the business.”

He couldn’t supply them all as expected, but we knew where to find the records and a trusted team was immediately dispatched to that location to retrieve them.

I asked him about the one thing that had been boggling my mind since the moment Jason told me that he’d recognized two of the kids from the lake shooting case. I asked him if he was involved and he confessed to that too.

“They were apart of the organization, yes.”

“Where are they? It’s like they fell off the face of the earth.”

“In a manner of speaking.” he said, and I rubbed my tired eyes.

“So you killed them. What were they doing out on the lake that day?”

“They weren’t supposed to be. They had their orders and they deviated from the plan. I could have let that slide, except one of them committed murder as you know, and the police got involved. I had to clean up the mess.”

And just like that we had the information necessary to bring an end that that particular case. At this point we could simply merge the two investigations.

“Who’s your boss?”

“He goes by the name Carlos. I don’t know much else about him and I don’t ask questions. I just take my orders, and collect my pay.

“Then are you telling me you don’t even know who runs this whole show? You don’t know who’s on top?”

Steven’s hesitation sparked my interest.

“Tell me.” I said.

“I don’t know for sure and I can’t prove this but there have been whispers…” he trailed off, back to his dramatics again.

“Whispers about what?

“That the person we’re all working for is Emmanuel.”

“Emmanuel what?

“ The Emmanuel.“ He said, and sat back in surprise.

Simon and I shared a meaningful look. Holy fuck, if that was really the case then this really was bigger than I’d thought. No doubt Eddie was shitting bricks in the observation room. He’d been hung up on the elusive crime boss for the past four years.

No matter what we threw his way, nothing could stick, and that rubbed everyone of us the wrong way. If he was really involved in all this, then we’d been lucky enough to take down a tiny fraction of his organization. It was better than nothing.

I pulled my chair closer to the desk and settled in. The questions continued long into the evening.

………………………………….

By the time I got home I was drained. Steven or Stanley or whatever the fuck his name was, had signed his written confession at exactly 9:00 p.m, and had agreed to have Eddie question him further at a later date in the event that any information he had provided needed to be clarified or expounded upon. Or in the event that he wished to provide further information that hadn’t been given in our session.

He’d been the most cooperative person I’d probably ever interrogated, but to be fair, if Emmanuel really was the one he was working for, then he had a reason to want to strike a deal like that to keep his family safe.

We would do all we could to keep him alive until trial, and everything in our power to ensure that he was safeguarded in prison, but when he said he was a dead man walking, I believed him.

I fell into bed the second I hopped out of the shower, and Jason automatically wrapped his arms around me. John and Kyle were spending the night, and Timmy had relegated John to the couch so he could sleep with his good buddy Kyle.

It was the first night since Jason had been back that we’d been alone in bed together, yet, I was too tired to do much more than drape my arms around him and pull him close.

“How’d it go?” he asked quietly. He’d been giving me worried looks ever since I’d stepped through the door an hour earlier, and I knew he must have had it on his mind all day.

“Stanley made a full confession. That’s all I can tell you about the investigation.” I said, and he sighed.

“Did he say anything about me?”

“Nothing of consequence.” I assured him, and as though he had been holding his breath all day, I felt the tension melt out of his body.

I kissed the top of his head. “How was your day?”

“Long.” He said. “Timmy fell into the toilet, and was in a shitty mood all day.”

“Yeah I heard from my dad. I’m sure he’ll tell me all about it in the morning.” I said with a chuckle. Luckily Timmy had already been fast asleep when I’d arrived, because there was no way I would have been able to keep up with him tonight.

“We have another long day ahead of us tomorrow. We still have to notify Timmy’s school about his absence. You’ll have to call your boss and let him know you won’t be back to work.” I said. “He was pretty worried about you when you were taken. He called almost everyday to see how the investigation was going. I guess you must have made a good impression.

“I guess.” He mumbled.

“We also need to pack and spend as much time with everyone before we leave. Nate, Simon, Eddie and my parents are coming over in the evening. I think my dad wants to fire up the grill and have a full-on barbeque.” I said with a yawn, but Jason’s reply was a quiet grunt.

When I shifted to look at him, I realized that he was already asleep, and I smiled tiredly, before reaching over to turn out the lamp.

“I guess you had an exhausting day too.” I whispered into the night, then pulled the blanket over his shoulders and drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

………………………………………

Two days later, Jason, Timmy and I were stepping off the longest plane ride of our lives. Short in terms of distance but long because Timmy had made it a point to introduce himself to every passenger on board, and had screamed at the top of his lungs as he ran up and down the narrow aisles inside the plane.

When Jason and I had tried countless times to scold him or get him to sit still, his consequential tearful wails had further disrupted the flight. I’d received more glares from that one flight than I had gotten in my entire life, and it wasn’t an experience I wanted to repeat.

Jason and I were exhausted and we’d only just arrived. Timmy jumped up and down on the spot as we waited to collect our luggage at baggage claim. And Jason had had to lay down the law when he’d attempted to run ahead of us in the crowded airport.

“Timmy I swear to god I’m gonna punish you if you don’t behave.” He warned after pulling Timmy into a corner away from prying eyes. “Do you want somebody to take you away?” he asked his son.

Timmy was quick to shake his head, his bottom lip quivering as he did.

“Then hold my hand and stop running all over like a crazy person!”  Jason hissed in frustration. When Timmy glanced up at me, I looked away.

“Won’t save you this time buddy.” I whispered under my breath, and it must have worked, because there was no trouble after that. Timmy held Jason’s hand and walked alongside us at a sedate pace, as we made our way outside to where Damion, and his identical twin brother, Donny stood waiting.

“I can’t believe my eyes.” Donny exclaimed as soon as he spotted me. His grin was as wide as ever, and his arms were also spread wide as he came in for a quick, tight hug.

“I could say the same thing. Since when do you sport a beard.” I joked, clapping him on the back several times before releasing him.

He stroked his short stubble and laughed. The whole world knew that the twins couldn’t grow a full-sized beard even if they wanted to, and that certainly hadn’t changed with age.

I glanced around at the other brother Damion, who, unlike Donny, was neat, clean-shaven and impeccably dressed as always.

He greeted me the way he always did; with a firm handshake and a small smile. Ever the quiet, soft-spoken guy, with those piercing scary-as-fuck eyes that we used to tease him about back in school.

How two identical brothers could be so very different was beyond me, but I was happy to see him too and I told him so. These guys had been legends for the short time they’d spent in school before they’d moved away. They’d dominated in every competition and dominated when it came to the girls too…and guys in Damion’s case.

Seeing them again brought back happy memories that I hadn’t even realized I’d missed. They hadn’t aged a day, but their pocket books certainly had. Last I’d heard, they’d taken the business world by storm and had quickly jumped up the charts to become successful multi-millionaires, and had gained all the respect that came with it.

I was damn proud of them, and happy about all they had achieved since I’d last seen them.

“And who is this little curly-haired teddy bear?” Donny crouched down in front of Timmy, who had gone shy at the sight of them, and was hiding behind his father’s leg. Up above, Damion greeted Jace with a handshake and a nod, when I introduced them.

While Donny tried to coax Timmy from behind Jason, Damion and I made quick work of the bags, depositing them into the trunk.

“Have you guys eaten? Anna’s been cooking up a storm all morning and wants to invite you all over for dinner.” Donny said as he stood up, having failed to get so much as a word from Timmy.

“We could eat. Right Jace?” I asked, and he nodded.

“We’ll swing by my place first since I have to pick up Cameron, and we can drop off the bags before we go.” Damion supplied, and we all piled into what I assumed to be Donny’s Jeep since this type of vehicle had never really been Damion’s style.

“So how’s it going man? Haven’t seen you in a hot minute and now you’ve got a whole family trailing behind you. I think I’m still in a state of shock.” Donny teased as he navigated the vehicle out of the airport’s pick-up lane.

“I should say the same about Damion. I heard he got himself a boyfriend. And I seem to remember him protesting in the past that it would never happen to him.” I laughed. “I guess we’ve all been bitten this season.

“Micha Timmy no get no bite. See?” Timmy interrupted, from where he sat in the back seat between me and Jason. He held out his arms for me to see.

“Yeah I see that buddy. Good for you.”

“Not a boyfriend exactly.” Damion said. “Just someone I’m helping.”

Donny snorted. “Gimmie a break, those two are joined at the hip. I already hear wedding bells in their not so distant future.”

Damion shook his head but made no attempt to correct him, and I grinned. Who would have thought the tough-as-nails Damion, whose very presence could intimidate a grown man, had gone and fallen head over heels for another human being.

This guy who rarely smiled and who I’d always thought was emotionally stunted had truly done the impossible. My grin widened.

“So tell me about this Cameron.” I continued to tease.

“They’re complete opposites. You’ll like him.” Donny once again supplied.

“Hey Timmy, maybe uncle Damion can take you to see some fire trucks tomorrow. Would you like that?” Donny volunteered his brother, but Damion didn’t seem to mind. If his silence was anything to go by.

Timmy buried his face in Bunny’s belly.

“He may not look it, but he’s a firefighter you know.” Donny continued to coax the little Timmy.

Ah yes, Damion’s second job. Can’t say I’d been surprised when he’d first broken the news to me years ago. Fighting fires was something he’d always talked about doing when we were kids, and here he was living two dreams.

So much had happened in all our lives and I was looking forward to hashing up the past with them. I looked over at Jason, whose attention was trained outside his window. Maybe getting away would be good for both of us after all.

I winked at Timmy when he looked at me and he giggled.

…………………………..

I couldn’t say when I fell asleep but I opened my eyes when I felt the jeep jerk to a stop.  Beside me, Jason was patting Timmy awake, and up front, the brothers were stepping out of the vehicle.

I yawned into the crook of my arm, then pushed the door open and stepped out onto the brick driveway. When Jason came to stand beside me, he tilted his head all the way back to get a full view of Damion’s home.

“I guess this is what they call a mansion, huh?” Jason whispered more to himself than to me.

I turned to help with the bags, and Timmy latched onto my arm as we made our way to the front door.

It swung open before Damion could put the key into the lock, and in the doorway stood the prettiest boy I’d ever seen.

Like Jason, he had thick curly hair. He had large blue eyes, framed by long lashes, a tiny nose and dimples like Timmy; only his seemed to go deeper. He was also small, and almost a head shorter than Jason as he stood there clutching a puppy in his small hands.

He offered me a shy smile and gave Timmy a small wave, which Timmy responded to immediately.

“This is Cameron.” Damion introduced us. I’d heard from Damion’s best friend Paul, that Cameron was twenty, but he certainly looked younger than his age.

Jason, who’d gone back to the car earlier to pick up his phone which he’d left on the seat, came to stand beside me, but froze the moment he set eyes on the small guy standing barefoot in the doorway.

Interestingly enough, the guy stood frozen in spot too when he spotted Jace, and I looked between them in confusion.

“Jason!” he finally exclaimed, those big eyes somehow growing larger in size in his obvious excitement.

“Cam?” Jace said uncertainly, and suddenly something clicked into place in my mind.

                                                                        AUTHOR'S NOTES

-More chapters to come!

HAPPY PRIDE! HERE’S A WHOPPING 55 PAGES FOR YOU TO ENJOY!

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Keep Sweet.

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.