TEASER

Pressured by the situation of her ill mother and the problems that their company is facing, Verena was forced to make a choice. Regardless of the pain, she needs to choose between love and family.

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Verena Raventos, the daughter of the renowned architect in the country never expected that she will fall in love with Tovar Pontevedra–the man who likes to spoil her… and the one who takes her to a blazing paradise that awaken her hidden desire.

When problems arise and she sees her parents struggling to deal with all of it, she has decided to just continue living her life away from her safe harbor.

Years later, their paths crossed again and realized that the fiery passion between them remained unquenchable. But this time, she’s obligated to reveal the precious secret she has been keeping from him.

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REMINDER: Be aware of the grammatical error and poor delivery of sentences, dialogues, and so on that you will encounter while reading. The author is always trying her best to improve until she gets better. I did not proofread this story. This is raw and has a lot of flaws. If you can’t afford reading a story that is not perfectly written, this is not for you. Thank you for dropping by. I appreciate your time.

— MISSGRAINNE

PROLOGUE

PROLOGUE

If there was love that felt like in a war—fierce and fiery, probably it was mine.

I don’t need to say it out loud. Words may be powerful, but the sincerity and genuineness of what’s within me couldn’t be measure with any expressions.

I just wanted my love to be like a howling tempest that will embrace him every time he needs to feel it, every time he’s longing and yearning for it. I wanted my presence to be known. And when he misses me, regardless of our distance, I hope he will realize that my love could be a gentle breeze that would sooth him, gives him solace, and tranquility in the middle of his solitude. Because the wind, even though it has no face, it can still be recognized no matter where you are. That’s how I wanted my love to be—it can be felt even if I was a thousands miles away from him.

It was scary to know that any time I will leave and live my life without him. What would I do if I missed him? How could I hug and kiss him if I was away? Would he ever forgive me for leaving him? Would he still love me despite our distance? How painful it would be for him to live without me?

There are so many questions in my head I couldn’t think straight.

I have been stressed out because of my mom’s situation and our firm is not doing well. My dad has been working his ass off so that we won’t be bankrupt.

We didn’t get the project of the year that supposed to give PRA a boost. We have a lot of competitors. There are some big architectural firms that could easily get a project due to their good works, legacy and connections.

But what about Phelari Raventos Achitecture? My father built that from his sweats and blood. It should be his legacy. It’s saddening to see him having a hard time keeping up with our firm while facing his own family problems.

“Dad, I think you should rest.”

I visit him on his office. It’s already nine in the evening and he’s still working. My mom was already looking for him.

“No, I need to finish this.”

He’s staring at the masterplan and a landscape of a residential area. He’s doing it by himself. He’s known architect who’s famous by his intricate design of the former Vice President’s rest house.

That project gave our firm a big impact of recognition. It boosted our financial status and it made PRA belong to the list of Top 5 architectural firm in the country. But when the catastrophic earthquake hit the province where the rest house was located, it didn’t only destroyed his designs, it also ruined him, his architectural firm, and his legacy.

My heart was aching for my father’s distressed. Even if it happened years ago, it didn’t change the fact that we are already having difficulties to make our firm continue its purpose. We lost big clients. We lost future projects. He’s losing his credibility.

Though it wasn’t my father’s fault and it was a natural disaster, still, people blamed him together with the engineers and construction company who worked to build the rest house. It didn’t help that the former Vice President had a power that he can easily ruin the names of the people who were involved building his wife’s dream house.

“Mom is looking for you.”

“Tell her I’ll be home late. Don’t wait for me.”

I sighed. I walked towards his large table so I can see clearly what he’s doing. It’s a detailed landscape of a subdivision. I admired how he’s very passionate with what he does. Even the smallest details are well explained and well designed.

“Is this for final presentation, dad?” I asked with hope.

“Yes.”

“How many architects do you need to deal with?”

“Two more.”

“Are they great as you?”

My father looked at me with a leer. As if what I said was a lie. That I was just gaslighting him. But I was not. He really is great.

“It’s true. You just didn’t want to believe in me.”

He shook his head tiredly. There are visible dark circle under his eyes. Even though he’s wearing an eyeglass, I can still see what’s behind. The wrinkles are quite visible too. But he’s still fine like wine. He’s taking good care of himself. He eats healthy. He jogs and exercises at least four times a week. During weekends, we jogged together. But, he can’t really stop drinking at night. Probably, it’s his way to make himself relaxed.

“I don’t think I am great as I was before.”

“Dad, you still are. You know, I showed your designs to Tovar and he’s amazed.” I smiled to cheer him up.

“How’s your boyfriend?” He asked while his eyes are on the landscape.

“He’s doing good. A bit busy with their firm.”

“Did you tell him your plan?”

I am a bit stunned. I was just thinking about it, but I didn’t tell my boyfriend yet.

“Not yet, dad.”

“You’re leaving soon, Verena. Don’t leave that man wonder.”

The bitterness inside my chest was felt when I think of Tovar wondering why I suddenly left.

“We’ll talk about it.”

“Long distance relationship is hard. Can you both survive without being with each other?”

That’s what in my mind. Can I last long without being with him? Or I would rather end our relationship?

“We will try. I hope so, dad. If he really loves me, he’d visit me, right?”

He shook his head. “I hope so.”

I stomped my foot. I can’t believe my father seemed doubting Tovar’s love for me? He used to be supportive with my relationship with my boyfriend. What happened now?

“Think about the situation, Verena. Tovar is going to be busy building his name and career. A man like him know his priorities.”

“What do you mean? I am not part of his priorities?”

“Probably, you are. But look on the other side, anak. Tovar will take over Pontevedra Scapes a few years from now. Do you think he won’t be that busy running their company and at the same time making his works known?”

“He loves me.”

“I know, he does. I have no doubt on that.”

“Hindi niya naman siguro ako ipagpapalit sa trabaho?”

Hindi siya nagsalita. Kaya tuloy mas lalo akong nabaon sa pag-iisip.

Paano kung masyadong maging abala si Tovar at wala na siyang maibigay na oras sa akin? Lalo at magiging malayo ako sa kanya. Paano na kaming dalawa? Paano ang relasyon namin?

Nasa isip ko ang lahat ng tanong hanggang sa makauwi ako sa amin. My mom is already sleeping alone. I sat at the space of the bed and caressed her hand. She’s pale, weak, and she has been losing weight.

She has leukemia. Even though we consistently giving her proper medication and therapy, she can’t just recover. That’s why we have decided to bring her to the United States. It’s also the reason why my father is really doing all the handworks to close a deal, so that he has enough finances to support mom’s medication, and our expenses when we are already staying in America.

Kahit na ayokong umalis, alam kong kailangan ako ni mommy. My dad couldn’t leave our firm because I don’t know yet how to handle it. Bilang anak, ang pagsama sa aking ina sa ibang bansa ang tangi kong maitutulong sa aking magulang.

I didn’t want to leave Tovar. But what can I do? I have no choice. I cannot stay with him when I know that my mother needs me.

After I checked on her, I left her room and went to see Mechita and saw her cleaning the kitchen.

“Oh, Ma’am, nandito ka na pala. Kumain ka na ba?”

I nodded. “Kumain na po ako. I just want a hot milk before I go to sleep.”

“Sige. Ipagtitimpla kita.”

I pulled the chair and sat there while waiting for my milk.

“Naaawa ako kay mommy…”

Nahinto si Mechita at tumingin sa akin na may pang unawa sa mga mata.

“Ako rin, Ma’am. Grabe ang ibinagsak ng katawan niya. Sana madala na natin siya sa Amerika. Para mas magamot siya ng maayos doon.”

Isasama namin si Mechita para may katuwang din ako sa pag-a-asikaso kay mommy. We already got her US Visa. We are just waiting for the doctor’s permit and recommendation so we can already fly out my mom abroad.

“Just be ready. Anytime soon we will leave.”

Mechita handed me a glass of milk. I cupped it using my palms to feel the warm.

“Handa na ako. Nakapagpaalam na rin sa mga anak ko. Alam mo, Ma’am, palaging hinahanap ng mommy mo si Sir Phil.”

“I know. But dad is very busy. Kailangan niyang masigurado na makukuha niya ang mga proyekto ngayong taon at sa mga susunod pa para hindi tayo maghirap sa Amerika.”

My father is still a multi-millionaire. He has savings. But due to my mom expensive medication, our house bills, and employees salaries, he’s still needs to keep working to afford all of that.

“Sana makuha ni Sir Phil!”

I hope for that too. I will pray that my father is going to close the deal of those projects. His success is our success.

I went to my bedroom, took a brisk shower, did my night skin care routine before I lay on my bed. I am waiting for Tovar to get home so he can call me. For now, I typed a message and sent to our group chat.

Verena: My heart is in pain whenever I see my mom. She’s getting weaker. We really need to fly to the United States.

Yukio: Do you have house na ba to stay? We have one in Los Angeles.

Verena: I am still looking for a house. We could rent your house there. What do you think?

Ember: Let’s catch up before you leave, please. I wanna visit Tita Violeta also.

Yukio: Sure! I will tell my parents about this. I will let you know, hun.

Verena: Thank you for supporting me during this hard times. This is what I really need.

Ember: We always here for you, hun. xoxo

Yukio: xoxo

That made me smile. I feel a little bit lighter talking to my friends.

I almost jump on my feet when Tovar’s name popped on my screen.

Tovar:

I’m home. Can I call you?

I quickly typed a reply.

Verena:

Please, call. I miss you.

I took a deep breath before I answered his call. My heart is beating fast because of the anticipation of hearing his voice after a long day.

“Hello?”

“How’s my baby?” His baritone was very manly.

“I’m okay. How are you? How’s your day?”

“Fine. You were in my mind.”

I smiled. I can sense that he’s telling the truth.

“I’ve been thinking of you too. When can I see you?”

We haven’t seen each other for a couple of days already because he got really busy. I am hoping that I can spend time with him because I didn’t know exactly when we are leaving. Hanggat nandito pa ako at malapit sa kanya, gusto kong sulitin ang mga oras na magkasama kami.

“I will see you this weekend. Do you think you can stay with me for two nights?”

My eyes widen in excitement. I’ve been wanting to stay with him as much as I could, so that we can create more memories together. Mga ala-ala na alam kong uulit-ulitin kong babalikan kapag malayo na ako sa kanya.

“Magpapaalam ako kay dad.”

“Ipapaalam kita—”

“No,” I panicked. “Let me do it.”

I heard him sigh.

My parents are kinda strict and I understand them. I am their only child. That’s why they are very protective. But they trust Tovar. Kaya pinapayagan nila akong sumama sa kanya kapag may gusto kaming gawin o puntahan.

This time, I want to spend days and nights with my boyfriend before I leave.

“Where are we going by the way?” I made my tone excited.

“Where do you wanna go?”

My smile grew wider as I think about the places I wanna go with him. I don’t want us to do activities. I just wanna cuddle and kiss. I’ll be contented with that.

“How about going in an island?”

“I’m fine with that. Let’s do that.”

“Yes. I’d like to get some tan too.”

“Okay then. Tell your parents you will have your own room.”

I grimaced. I don’t want that. I have other plan for us.

“No, I want to sleep next to you, Tovar.”

He chuckled. “You wanna give me a hard time, huh?”

I pursed my lips. I remember the last time I saw him. We kissed and made out inside his car. I want to do that again. I want more memories to reminisce when l leave.

“You just use condom—”

“Verena, what are you talking about?” He sounded as if I was being scandalous.

I pouted my lips. Then I switched us on a video call.

His background is dark but I can see the black headboard of his bed. He’s resting his back there. His face, neck, and his upper chest is revealed to my eyes. He was topless. My boyfriend looked hot despite the dimmed lights.

“What? We kissed and make out. I think it’s time for us to make love…” I muttered suggestively.

He heaved another sigh. He massages his temple in a stressful way.

“I will take you with me because I wanna be with you. But it doesn’t mean we will do that.”

Gusto kong magalit sa kanya dahil masyado siyang magalang sa akin. Mahalaga naman na malinis ang intensyon niya at alam kong totoo ang pagmamahal niya. Pero gusto ko rin na bago ako umalis, may mangyari sa amin. Maybe I’m being petty, but it’s my way of showing how much I love him and he’s the only one I want in this lifetime. I will willingly give myself to him like how I give him my heart.

So, what’s his problem with that? Ayaw niya ba na may mangyari sa amin?

“But I wanna make love with you.” I insisted.

He just stared at me. Namungay ang mga mata niya. Kung may anong damdamin na napukaw na hindi ko maipaliwanag.

“Don’t you want me? Don’t you wanna make love with me?” I asked sadly.

I think, my heart will be broken if he ever told me that he didn’t want to make love with me. I am not ready for that kind of rejection. I’m gonna be upset.

“I wanna make love with you,” his tone was deep and raspy.

I had to hide my smile. So that he would take me seriously.

“But I want you to know that sex is just a bonus in this relationship. I will still love you no matter how long I’d wait for that moment to happen, Verena.”

My heart beat rapidly. I cannot stop it anymore. I knew how much he loves me. I feel guilty that I have to force him to make love with me even if that’s not really his intention. He’s matured, responsible, and respectful. I like him that way and also like him when he gets wild in bed.

“I know. But this time, I just don’t want us to kiss or make out. I want more than that.” I uttered, then felt the heat on my cheek, especially when he let out a short laugh.

“My baby will get what she wants.” He smirked mischievously.

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER ONE

We are family friends. I have known Pontevedras since I was a kid. My dad and Tovar’s father were batch mate. They have a constant communication even though they don’t always see each other due to the conflict of their schedules.

Tovar’s grandmother—Aurelia Pontevedra used to host a party before. Their family is prominent and she’s a socialite.

While my father came from old clan who have a commendable legacies in architecture, my mom’s family used to have a construction company but after two decades, it went bankrupt. Now, my grandparents on my mother’s side are living a simple life in the province.

I have met Tovar when I was a teenager. I do admired him. But I didn’t see myself being his girlfriend because he’s years older than me. When I turned to college, I have met friends that used to hang out in a Club where Tovar and his friends were hanging out too.

“Is that Tovar Pontevedra?” Ember’s pointed the man on the other table using her lips.

I followed the direction my friend’s pointed out. I saw a face of a man. I haven’t see him for a long while but he’s still familiar to me.

He’s on his dark long-sleeved tee. He’s sipping on his glass making his muscled arms protruded against the fabric. He’s resting his back on that leather L-shaped sofa while his other arm is above the headrest. His gaze is on the dance floor where women are dancing obscenely.

“Yes. That’s him.” I said and sipped on my sangria.

“Does he know you?”

“Of course.”

“Then, why don’t you greet him? He’s alone though.”

Why would I do that? We are not that very close. But we do greet each other whenever our paths crossed. He was the one who always approached me though. Maybe I’d just wait for him to notice me. I’m not gonna greet him first!

I leered. “I don’t wanna approach him. He’s too intense for me.”

Probably, the reason why I don’t wanna be that close to him because I found him very intense. His aura is heavy and I cannot take it. Bukod pa sa paraan kung paano siya tumingin, pakiramdam ko binabasa niya ako at tahimik na hinuhusgahan sa isip niya. Kaya siguro kinakabahan ako kapag nagkikita kami.

“He’s very manly, ’no? He has been working out siguro despite his busy schedules. Look at those muscles on his arms… parang ang sarap lumambitin…” Ember giggled.

“Ano kaya ang pakiramdam kapag na-headlock ka niyan?” Yukio’s remark made both of my friends laugh.

Hindi ako makatawa dahil sumulyap sa gawi namin si Tovar at nahuli niya akong nakatingin sa kanya!

Nakakahiya! Paano kung iniisip niya na naghihintay lang ako na pansinin niya? O kaya ay masyadong maingay ang mga kaibigan ko kaya napukaw ang atensyon niya.

“Swerte ng girlfriend. Halatang matinik sa kama.”

“Bagay sila ni Verena.”

I gulped when I saw Tovar stood up and made his way towards us.

“Oh my! Pupunta ba siya dito?” Ember panicked.

“Damn, yeah.”

Nahawa yata ako sa kaibigan ko at hindi rin ako mapakali bigla. Lalo na at talagang sa lamesa nga namin ang dereksyon ng lakad niya. He was greeted by some group of girls on another table but it didn’t stop him with his goal.

I simply took a deep breath and straightened my sit when Tovar is already standing in front of our table. His expensive scent invaded my nose because he’s just meter away from me.

“Verena,” his deep baritone made my stomach fluttered.

I smiled despite the sudden rapid beating of my heart.

“Tovar, hello?”

I stood up so that he would feel that he’s welcome.

That’s when I realized that he’s really tall. I am about 170cm wearing a three inches high-heels sandals but I still need to look up to see his face clearly. He’s probably around 190cm or more. I didn’t expect his height will make me tensed. His wide built felt like provoking too.

I can feel that my heart is going wild. Even if he’s just standing and staring at me, I can’t help but to be affected by his presence. I am surprised with the emotions he’s giving me.

“By the way, these are my friends. Yukio and Ember.”

I snapped on my friends because they both stunned seeing Tovar that close. Kaya naman parang nataranta pa sila nang makipagkamay sa kanya.

“Are you alone? Would you like to join us here?” Ember shamelessly invited him.

My face heated. It’s not that I didn’t want him to join us, but my friends are being too friendly and enthusiastic.

“Is that fine with you?” He asked me.

I nodded my head. “Sure. I don’t mind.”

He lifted his hand to call for a waiter.

I gave my friends a sharp glare because I know what’s running on their mind. Especially when Tovar asked them for drinks. Nagtabi ang dalawang kaibigan ko sa kabilang sofa para kami ni Tovar ang magtabi sa inuupuan ko.

“Ang gwapo!” Ember mouthed.

“Ang bango!” Yukio mouthed too.

Inirapan ko sila. Alam ko na agad na tutuksuhin nila ako kahit na wala naman akong balak na makipaglapit kay Tovar. My friends have been bugging me to have a boyfriend. Samantalang wala rin naman silang love life.

He sat next to me. Suddenly the leather sofa became too tight for two people. He has occupied enough space for him to be comfortable while I am silently composing myself so that I won’t look awkward beside him.

His luxury scent stayed on my nose. I kinda like it. It ain’t that too strong. When he grabbed his glass, I see the veins at the back of his hand. I found it callous but sexy at the same time.

Ano ba itong iniisip ko? Kailan ba ako huling pumuri ng isang lalaki? At bakit parang kahit kaunting galaw lang ni Tovar, napapansin ko pati ang mga galit na ugat niya?

“Do you always hang out here?” Ember started a conversation.

I sipped on my sangria again. I wanna talk to him but I don’t really know what to say. I just hope he won’t find me awkward or boring.

“Only if I have time.”

“Why are you alone?” Yukio is being polite. “Where are your friends?”

“They are busy.”

“Do you have a girlfriend?” Ember became nosy, I can’t believe it!

I gave her a sharp glare. The hell she’s asking?

He chuckled a bit. “I don’t have any.”

“Sa gwapo mong ’yan?”

Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ba para akong kinakabahan. We are sitting casually but whenever I moved or he moved, our legs touched accidentally. I am only wearing a short silk dress. Isang sanggi lang sa akin o kahit kaunting galaw niya, nararamdaman ko. I shouldn’t take it as a big deal. It’s just that I can’t help but to be affected by that slight physical contact with him.

“Too busy to find a girlfriend,” then he glanced at me.

I startled when I saw the smirk on his lips.

“Oh! That’s my song! Let’s dance!” Ember stood up excitedly and grabbed Yukio’s hand.

I felt more nervous when I was left with Tovar. What the hell I’m gonna tell him?

I dramatically watched my friends dance wildly on the floor while the colorful lights are all over the place. Everyone is enjoying and drinking. While I’m sitting next to a man who is not really close to me.

“Do you wanna dance?” His raspy voice made me bite the inside of my cheek.

I looked at him without realizing that he’s been watching me. Kaya hindi ko napigilan na medyo umawang ang aking labi dahil sa pagkamangha.

Despite the dimmed lights, I can see clearly his dark brooding eyes, thick eyebrows, and his lips.

My heartbeat gone wild as I stared back at him.

“No. Not really.”

He shifted his sitting position in a way that he can face me. His massive body has blocked my vision to the dance floor which made me back my gaze to his face.

“I haven’t seen you for a long while….” He strikes another conversation.

I need to be responsive so he won’t think that I’m a boring person.

“I got busy with my studies.”

“What are you taking?”

“Landscape Architecture.”

He arched his brow. May giliw sa mga mata niya.

“Do you like it?”

“I have learned to like it. I just wanna help my dad with our firm someday.”

“When are you going to graduate?”

“Soon.” I smiled proudly.

He nodded his head. Then sipped on his whisky.

I gulped when I saw his Adam’s apple moved because of the way he swallowed. After that, he licked his lower lip.

“How about you? How’s working with the company?” I asked, a bit comfortable now to talk to him.

Even though we rarely see each other, I am kinda updated about what he does. After Tovar passed the board exam as one of the topnotchers, he was given a high position in Pontevedra Scapes—their family architectural company. That’s what people expected him to be though.

“It’s fun. Working there takes my time too.”

“That’s why you don’t have a girlfriend?” I teased.

Namungay ang mga mata niya. He comfortably rested his one arm at the headrest of the sofa. His hand almost reach my shoulder. If I moved, I can easily touch it.

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

I shook my head. “That’s not my priority.”

“How about suitors?”

“I have few.”

I have suitors every month. I don’t understand them why they still court me even if they are aware I don’t do boyfriends. The numbers of my suitors are the numbers of the men I refused to give my commitment.

“None of them interest you?” He taunted.

Muli siyang sumimsim sa kanyang alak. Hindi niya inaalis ang titig niya sa akin. Kaya naman kahit medyo komportable na akong kausap siya, hindi pa rin tumitigil ang malakas na pintig ng puso ko. It was ashamed to feel that way when in fact he’s just being friendly and polite to me. I shouldn’t feel nervous, right?

“None of them.”

“You seemed picky. That’s good though.”

Maybe he’s right, I am picky. Aside from that, I don’t feel having a boyfriend yet or being in a relationship. I never had a boyfriend. I am contented living my life. I don’t need men to make me happy because I am already happy. So, Tovar might be right, I am picky because I don’t need men.

“Do you think it’s good? Paano kapag wala nang nanligaw sa akin? Because I’m too picky?”

And that’s worrisome. Oo nga. What if men get tired of courting me? Tatanda ba akong dalaga? Walang sariling pamilya? I don’t want that to happen. What would I do? Entertain my suitors? Eh, ayoko nga sa kanila. I don’t wanna force myself to have a boyfriend that I don’t like.

“Liligawan kita,” he muttered with raspiness.

My lips parted. For a moment, I became speechless. I just stared at him as if he just dropped a bomb in front of me. I was too stunned to even repeat in my mind what he just said to me.

“So you won’t end up like an old beautiful lady with no husband and family,” there was a sly smile on his lips before he sipped his booze again.

I imagine him being my boyfriend after I refused all my suitors. Ilang taon kaya ang lilipas bago ko siya maging boyfriend? Pero paano kung may girlfriend na siya o asawa sa mga panahon na ’yon?

“But what if you had a girlfriend or wife na?”

He pursed his lips like I made him think about that possibility.

“I don’t wanna be your kabit!” I growled.

His laughter echoed my ears along with the loud music. Mukha siyang masaya. Ano kaya ang iniisip niya? Na magiging kabit niya ako? Nakakatawa nga talaga ’yon.

Sumimangot ako. I feel offended. But I don’t want to let him know that. It would be my fault if I end up like an old lady with no husband and family. Because I’m very picky and choosy with men. I should be the one to blame.

“You’re not gonna be my side chick, Verena. I won’t allow that.”

I sighed. A bit problematic about my future relationship. Should I start dating? So that I can get to know men? And choose which one I really liked?

“What lang?” I gave him a sad gaze.

Tumitig siya lalo sa akin. Namumungay pa rin ang mga mata niya dala marahil ng alak na iniinom niya. He’s not that very intimidated anymore with the way he stares at me. As if he loosen up a bit so that I won’t feel uncomfortable with him. He might noticed I was very nervous so he has to adjust the way he approaches me.

“You’re going to be my girlfriend if you want to.”

Ang dali-dali lang sa kanya na sabihin iyon. Samantalang ’yung puso ko ay hindi na natinag sa paghuhumerentado. I didn’t expect our conversation to turned like this. Like how I didn’t see myself having a boyfriend. But now that he has mentioned being my boyfriend, I can’t help but to imagine us in a relationship.

What it feels like to have him as my boyfriend kaya? What would I do to make our relationship longer and stronger? Are we going to kiss? Make out? Like what a couple usually do? I am not that innocent anymore when it comes to this matter because my friends are vulgar and scandalous whenever we talked about this certain topic. I have idea about it.

“What if I want a boyfriend now?”

He bit his lower lips tightly. He’s looking like he’s trying to read more what’s in my mind.

Ang paraan nang pagtitig niya sa akin ay nagbibigay lang ng nakakanginig na kilig sa aking kalamnan, tila ba may mga paru-parong nagliliparan sa aking tiyan.

“Should I start entertaining my suitors? Date them? Then I’d choose which one I wanna be my boyfriend?”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Why not?” Kinunot ko ang aking noo dahil halata sa kanya na hindi siya sang-ayon.

“Why don’t we try it instead? Let’s have a date.” He sounded very inviting which made it hard for me to refuse.

Napalunok ako. Tama ba itong ginagawa ko? Hindi ba at parang pagsugod ito sa apoy na kahit alam kong mapapaso ako, gagawin ko pa rin dahil lang nakakahalina ang usok na gusto kong maramdaman?

“So you would have an idea how to be with a man. We can try it. I’d like to date you,” he’s very, very good in convincing people. I can feel that I am already convinced.

“Hmm, okay. I’d like to try it.”

There was a glimpse of relief on his face after he heard my answer. He seems satisfied.

“Give me your number,” he handed me his expensive phone.

I politely got it from him and saved my number with my complete name so he won’t forget to text me. I gave it back to him after and he immediately made a call.

I rolled my eyes because I know he’s being keen, making sure I saved my real number. That’s why I grabbed my phone on the table as I saw the light went on because an unknown number is calling me. It was him.

“Do you have your car with you?” He asked after he made sure I got his number.

“No. My friends just picked me up.”

“I will drive you home.”

“You don’t have to. But I think we should start being with each other often, right?”

He licked his lips after a sipped. Then his fingers slightly stroking my wavy hair that lays on my shoulder.

“I’m busy during weekdays pala. But we can still see each other naman, like have dinner somewhere. Then when weekends, we can date too.” I was making plans already.

Tumango siya na para bang susunod lang sa mga gustong kong mangyari. Hindi niya inaalis ang tingin niya sa akin. Namumungay na talaga ang mga mata niya. Kahit na malakas talaga ang tibok ng puso ko, sinisikap ko rin na makipagtitigan sa kanya. I want to memorize his face so that I can easily visual him in my mind.

“Are you free during weekends?” His voice was raspy.

“Yes. Ikaw ba?”

“I can fix my schedule and make time for you.”

I feel delighted to hear that he will make time for me. I feel special already. Maybe that’s how I supposed to be treated, right? Men should make me feel special and cherished because that’s what I deserved.

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER TWO

When I told my friends that Tovar will drive me home, they are both excited and became pushy. Though I understand them because they want me to have a boyfriend, but I am also embarrassed with the way they react with the situation.

“We are going to stay for another hour. You should go home, hun.” Ember said while swaying her body in front of our table.

“Right! Besides, Architect will be with you to drive you home. You’ll be safe even without us.” Yukio is sipping on his drinks.

My friends are energetic. They are really pushing us to go home. I don’t know if Tovar wants to stay longer or he’s also ready to leave. Kung uuwi na kami, ayos lang sa akin. Makakapagpahinga ako ng maaga kahit pa walang klase bukas.

“Gusto mo na bang umuwi?” Tanong ko sa kanya.

“If you wanna go home, we will go home.”

Sa huli, nasa akin din pala ang desisyon.

My parents know that I am with my friends and we are going to a Club. They trust me even if most of the time they are strict. I don’t want to ruin their trust and I don’t really want to take advantage of the chances they are giving me to party at night. So I think it’s better to go home early than late. Para sa susunod, papayagan ulit akong lumabas kasama ang mga kaibigan ko.

“I can go home. I’m just thinking if you want to go home too or you want to stay?”

“We can leave, Verena. Don’t mind me.”

Nagpaalam ako sa aking mga kaibigan. I hugged them before I grabbed my Chanel flap bag. They waved at us with big smiles on their faces as we walked towards the exit door.

A slick black Audi screams luxury.

“Nice ride.” I said as he opened a door for me.

“Not from my hard works though. But thanks.”

I can smell him even inside his car. His scent stays there. His ride is obviously well-maintained.

He roared the engine. His one hand on the steering wheel, the other one is on the gear stick as he maneuvers the car. Kahit sa paraan kung paano gumalaw ang mga kamay niya ay namamangha ako. Especially when he did the circular motion on the steering wheel using his one hand in a very manly way while his eyes on the side mirror.

I pouted my lips a bit. I found his moves and hands very attractive. I didn’t know I have that kind of admiration for a man or maybe it’s just only him. Dahil wala naman akong pakialam sa ibang lalaki. Sa kanya ko lang talaga napapansin ang lahat kahit pa kaunting galaw niya lang.

“What do you mean not from your hard works?” I asked to end the silence between us.

“This car is from my parents. A gift when I passed the board.”

His parents are very supportive. They should though. Because their son is one of the topnotchers in Architecture board exam. One of the signs that he’s really into it.

“That’s sweet. I’d do that too if I had a son or daughter who also passed the board exam, I would give them a gift as a reward for their hard works.”

“I’d probably do the same.”

At least we have a similar take on that matter. Ano pa kaya ang mga puwede naming pagkakapareha? This makes me interested. I suddenly want to get to know him more.

I glanced at him. He’s focused on the road. His side view profile is same to those male international model where nose is pointed and the jawline is prominent. His hair is in medium-length textured, the waves fall naturally, giving off that “I woke up like this” demeanor.

Okay. He’s so fine. I have to admit it. I am not hypocrite to deny that fact.

“Hmm?” Sabay sulyap niya sa akin at nahuli pa akong nakatitig sa kanya.

Uminit ang pisngi ko na umikot hanggang sa aking batok.

Did I stare too long? Was that too embarrassing? Did I make him feel uncomfortable? What a shame, Verena!

“Uh, nothing. I’m just thinking about our date.” I closed my eyes in a frustrating way. Really?

Gusto ko lang naman pagtakpan ang paninitig ko sa kanya. Pero parang mas nakakahiya na ako pa talaga ang nagsasabi tungkol sa date namin!

“Are you free tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

I am free until the next day. It’s weekend, so, it’s good to have our first date, right?

“How about a dinner tomorrow?”

I hide the grin on my lips. Damn it! Calm down. Why do I feel like I am starting to be very comfortable with our situation? Nangingiti pa talaga ako.

“I will let you know,” I said so that he would think that I’m not always available.

Kailangan kong mag isip ng malinaw tungkol dito sa laro na susuungin ko. Hindi dapat na palagi akong may oras para sa kanya. Baka kapag palagi kaming nagkikita, magsawa siya kaagad. I need to hold back a bit, so that the thrill won’t fade easily.

“Okay. Call me when you have the answer.”

Hindi niya ako pinipilit. Hindi rin siya nagtanong kung ano ang rason ko. Dapat ba akong maging masaya na parang hindi naman talaga siya interesado o dapat na magalit ako dahil bakit para siyang walang paki kung mag date kami o hindi?

Am I even being logical? Or I just think too much? Who cares if he didn’t ask, huh? It means he’s not nosy. I should be grateful. He’s not invading my space and choices.

“Do you know where I live?” I asked with amusement because he’s driving to the right direction of the exclusive subdivision where our house is.

“Yeah.”

“How? Wow!”

“I visited your house before. You weren’t there though.”

He got my interest. I shifted on my sit to face him.

He just gave me a quick glance because of my obvious enthusiasm with the topic.

“Talaga? Kailan naman ’yon?”

“A few months ago.”

“Oh, that’s not too long ago. I probably outside or in university.”

“You were out of town with your friends.”

Inisip ko pa kung kailan ’yon. Whenever we have time to escape on weekends, my friends and I used to go to the beach or do hiking. It depends on what we want to do.

“Why did you visit?”

“I was with my dad. They talked.”

“You can visit me too.”

“Do you want me to?” Sinulyapan niya ako.

I nodded. Why not? My parents know him. It’s good to have him though. Maybe we could get some future deals or partnership with their firm. It would be great for the business. Both family can benefit from it for sure.

“Kilala ka naman ng parents ko. They will like your presence there for sure.”

“Alright. If you’re not available tomorrow for dinner. I’ll just visit you,” he took a quick glance at me. “Is that okay with you?”

That’s how quick he is to think of way of us seeing each other. That’s how fast he makes a decision.

Hindi ko na tuloy sigurado kung gusto ko ba siyang ipakilala sa magulang ko o mag date nalang kami. For sure my mom will ask me so many questions why I suddenly bring Tovar Pontevedra in our house. What would I say, huh? That we are dating?

Parang ang bilis naman! Kakakita lang namin ngayong gabi tapos malalaman ng mommy ko na napag-desisyonan namin na mag date? It sounded suspicious, di ba?

“I will call you nalang once I made my decision.”

“We can talk when I get home.”

“Okay. It’s still early though. I can still wait for you to get home.”

After a few more minutes, the car stopped right in front of our house in Alabang. The lights are still on. The big gate automatically opened and one of our security guards came out. I rolled down the window.

“It’s me. Nandiyan na po ba si daddy?”

“Nandito na, Ma’am, kadarating lang. Papasok kayo?”

Tinignan ko si Tovar. I want to invite him inside but I am hesitant. What if he wants to go home and rest? I don’t want to cause any convenience to him. But I should invite him whether he refuses it or not.

“Uh, do you wanna say hi to my mom and dad?” I asked, a bit shy.

Lumalamlam ang mga mata niya habang nakatingin sa akin.

“That’d be cool.”

I smiled at him for being forgiving with my so simple request.

I didn’t wait for Tovar to open a door for me when he parked his car next to my dad’s. I hopped out and walked to him. He didn’t need a guide but I like my parents to see us together for some reason.

Nakita ko si daddy na lumabas sa malaking pinto namin para lang makita kung sino ang dumating. I waved cutely at him.

“Dad! It’s me!”

“Sweetheart, who’s our visitor?” I heard my mom’s voice.

I grabbed Tovar’s wrist as if I am very excited for him to meet my parents. Para siyang walang lakas na nagpahila sa akin.

“Tovar, you’re here.” It was my father who’s surprised to see the man beside me.

They shook hands in a quick manly way.

“Hi, dear! It’s good to see you again!” Ang mommy ko na mas inuna pang bumeso kay Tovar kaysa sa akin.

“Good evening, tita, tito,” he greeted my parents politely.

I kissed my dad’s cheek and then turned to my mom to do the same gesture.

“Ember and Yukio are still on the Club. Tovar was there too. We both decided to go home na.” I explained.

“Do you wanna come in? Have some coffee or tea? No alcohol, dear, you’re going to drive back home.” My mom said with delight written on her beautiful face.

“We can have tea.” My eyes twinkled as I looked up to him.

He just nods his head and allowed me to grabbed him inside our house.

Kahit ang mga kasambahay namin ay nataranta pa ng bahagya dahil sa hindi inaasahan na bisita.

“Ma’am, Sir, coffee or tea?” Tanong ni Mechita.

“Tea with milk for me, please. How ’bout you, Tovar?”

“Black coffee. Thanks.”

We are on our living room. I took the single sofa and Tovar sat on the other one. While my parents are sitting on the long sofa in front of us. I can see the joy on their faces to have Tovar unexpectedly.

“I didn’t know you two are close?” My mother is a bit puzzled.

“Not really, mom. We unexpectedly meet again. I realized he’s very gentleman…” I beamed at him.

The side of his lips curved up.

Now that we are under the lights, I can see clearly how fine he is.

His brooding eyes became more attractive despite him having an intimidating aura. The five o-clock shadow of his beard added to his manliness. His lips are reddish, I couldn’t help but think of the way he kissed. Was he passionate or feverish?

The air around him speaks volume of his capabilities to reach success on his own terms. He also has this demeanor of being superior in a way that if men weren’t that successful would feel threatened by him.

He’s sitting on a single sofa only for himself but it suddenly became small because his built is massive.

At kung kanina hindi ko makita sa maliwanag ang kanyang mga kamay, ngayon na napapaligiran na kami ng ilaw, mas napatunayan ko lang na ang galit na mga ugat niya roon ay nagbibigay pa rin sa akin ng kakaibang damdamin. I feel thrilled to even watch his protruding veins at the back of his hands. I can see it from our close distance. His arms are placed at the armrest of the sofa, giving me a full view of his hands there.

Mechita served the tea and black coffee. Tahimik siya pero nakita ko ang pagsulyap niya kay Tovar at sa akin na para bang may tanong siyang gustong masagot.

“Thank you,” he muttered.

Mechita has been my nanny since I was a kid. She knows my life. She knows my friends. She knows almost everything because I used to talk to her about my days.

I poured the milk on my tea.

“Okay. I just thought you two are now a thing.”

I almost spit the tea because aside from it’s still hot, my mom is being straightforward. I won’t tell them yet that I’m going to date Tovar Pontevedra. Otherwise my mother would be very nosy about my love life.

“Wala kasing dinadalang lalaki dito sa bahay si Verena. Ikaw palang.” My dad said amusingly.

“Kaya akala ko tuloy may something special na.”

Dapat pala hindi ko nalang inaya si Tovar. Hindi niya na sana narinig ang mga opinyon ng magulang ko tungkol sa akin na walang ipinapakilalang boyfriend sa kanila. My parents are strict but I’m glad that they are not stopping me from having a boyfriend.

“Mom, dad, stop it. I don’t want any of us to be pressured.”

“I’m sorry. Okay? I’m gonna keep my mouth shut na.” She grinned at me.

My dad and Tovar have a casual conversation about work and the firms. It’s good to see both of them talking about the things that they are very passionate about.

“What about projects from Monseratte Empire? If you get one from them, that’d be great, Tovar.”

“I know some of their future plans since Theon is my friend. I’d like to be involved.”

“That’s what connections can do. I wish all the best in your career. I know your dad and your grandfather put their trust in you. I’d do the same if I had a son that has a caliber same as you.”

My father is obviously fond with Tovar. I can prove by the way he speaks to him.

“That’s a big statement coming from a very successful architect. It’s an honor, tito. I feel privileged. I’m grateful for that.”

“Dad, his parents gifted him an Audi because he passed the board exam!” I merrily informed my parents about it as if I was part of his success and I should celebrate it too.

“Oh… that’s sweet!” My mom sounded like she just melted.

“Honey, once you passed the board exam, I’m gonna give you whatever you want.” It was like a promise from my father.

I am not pressured. I am positive that I’m going to pass my board exam too. The support that I get from my parents and from my friends are one of the reasons why I am motivated. Aside from the fact that I wanna work with our firm. I wanna help my dad. Because I know, the firm will be mine in the near future. I want to be great like him. I am not going to disappoint him.

“Except sa kapatid,” I teased. “You cannot give me a baby brother anymore.”

Tumawa ang magulang ko. Kaya nangiti na rin ako.

“Ikaw nalang ang magbibigay sa amin ng apo,” sabi ni mommy na para bang nangangarap siya.

Wala sa sarili na napatingin ako kay Tovar.

My heart skipped a beat when I caught him looking at me with gentleness on his eyes.

Napawi ang ngiti sa aking labi. Napalitan ng kaba ang tuwa. Hindi mawari kung bakit noong sinabi ni mommy ang tungkol sa pagbibigay ko ng apo sa kanila, lumipat ang tingin ko sa kanya.

Sana ay hindi niya iniisip na sa kanya manggagaling ang apo. That’s not what I meant when I turned my eyes on him. I just wanna see his reaction because my mother is day-dreaming and I found it funny.

“I’m not gonna give you an apo. Not yet. I’m very young.”

“Your mom is just messing with you. Don’t worry ’bout it.”

When I noticed that it’s getting late, I was the one who decide that Tovar needs to leave. Pumayag din naman ang magulang ko dahil ayaw din nila na gabihin siya ng husto sa daan.

Hinatid namin siya sa parking. My mom is embracing my dad while they are watching us in front of his car.

“Drive safely,” I croaked.

He opened the door then turned to me as if he forgets something.

“Aalis na po ako,” paalam niya sa aking magulang.

I can’t help but smile because he’s polite. I admired men who’s still humbled and polite despite their success. My dad has always been humbled and I aim to be like him too.

“Text me when you get home.” I smiled warmly at him, as I silently appreciating him.

“I will,” he leaned a bit and left a light kiss on my temple.

My heart gone wild again. It was supposed to be a normal good night kiss or a farewell kiss, like what I do with my parents and friends. But with him, it felt something else… it felt special. And I wasn’t use to it because it came from him. So for me, it’s a big deal. I put a meaning with that simple kiss.

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER THREE

Tovar takes me to a fine dining restaurant in Makati that served a modern European and international cuisine. It’s for couples who preferred to dine in a place surrounded by romantic ambiance and expensive wines. He also gave me a bouquet of pretty pink tulips.

He’s dashing with his white long-sleeved shirt. The sleeves folded up until his forearms, giving me more view of his hands. His expensive watch is the only accessories he has.

I am wearing a light pink halter satin dress. My hair is in a clean bun. I don’t put heavy make up because it didn’t suit me. I do light make up to have a soft feminine demeanor. I have almond-shaped eyes that I always want to emphasized by putting eyeshadows. I have natural plum lips which Ember used to imitate whenever I swiped a lipstick or lip gloss.

Our main course has been served. It is a grilled cross wagyu striploin with butter, celeriac pommes Anna, and sautéed spinach. It tasted really good.

Our conversation has started with casual and friendly talks. Then it went to my studies, the things that I like, or like to do. It’s a stage of getting to know each other more. Though I’m aware about him and his family, still, I didn’t know most of the things about him.

I have discovered that he studied abroad to have a wide knowledge about architecture. Even though they are wealthy, he still got an scholarship which helped him saved his allowances. He would travel whenever he has extra time which I found interesting because I do like to go out of town or abroad whenever I have enough time.

Money is never a problem to me, it’s the time that sometimes became my enemy.

“Where do you usually go when you need to breath some air?” I asked after I chewed the wagyu.

He sipped on his red wine without breaking his eye contact with me.

I need to get use with the way he looks at me so that I won’t feel nervous anymore. Besides, I know that he’s a good man. He won’t hurt me. He won’t do things that would make me scared or uncomfortable. It’s really me who has an issue about his gaze—it’s too intense I cannot bare most of the time.

“I go hiking. Scuba diving. It depends on what I wanna do.”

My eyes twinkled when I heard that he does hiking too! Maybe sometimes, we can do that together. But scuba diving? I am not a very good swimmer. I can only do snorkel. I do want to try free diving though.

“My friends and I like hiking too.”

He looked impressed. “When was the last time you hiked?”

“Uh, a month ago? I got busy with my study. Pero gusto ko mag hike ulit.”

“We can do it together.”

Sumilay ang ngiti sa aking labi. I saw how his eyes moved to my lips.

“How about next weekend? I’m free!”

“That’s good. Let’s plan it out.”

Masaya akong tumango. Wala pa man ay excited na ako. I missed being surrounded by nature, greens, and browns. The fresh air that embraces me, and the satisfaction that I felt every time I reached the summit. Gusto kong maramdaman ulit ang gano’n na klaseng ginhawa pagkatapos nang lahat ng pagod at paghihirap.

I have to prepare for our hike this coming weekend.

I jogged early in the morning before going to my class. Then do evening jog whenever I went back home early. I did that for four days straight. I do not want to easily get tired during the hike. I am sure Tovar is used to this kind of activity. He’s very fit and robust.

We have decided to hike in Mt. Batulao in Batangas. He told me that it’s easier compared to other mountains. He might thinking about me not gonna like the long trails. Well, I think it’s a better choice. I do not really want to force myself to do a long trek just to impress him.

I already told my parents about the hiking with Tovar and they are fine with that. But my dad being overly protected, he wants me to bring Paige–one of our security whenever we go out of town.

“Is that necessary, dad? It’s just a hike and I will be with Tovar.”

“It is. Tovar will have his own bodyguard for sure.”

I didn’t ask him if he’s going to bring a security with him.

“Okay. Paige likes hiking din naman.”

Kasama rin kasi namin si Paige tuwing umaalis kaming magkakaibigan lalo at out of town. Hindi pumapayag si daddy na walang nagbabantay sa akin kapag malayo sa kanila. Alam ko naman na gusto lang nilang mapanatag na ligtas ako. Nasanay na rin ako sa gano’n. Pero ngayon kasi, si Tovar naman ang kasama ko at alam kong kaya niya akong protektahan. Kaya hindi ko inisip na kailangan ko si Paige.

I’m already laying on my bed when I video call him. He’s fresh from the shower.

“Paige will be with us. She’s nice and silent most of the time. Hindi pumapayag si daddy na aalis ako na hindi siya kasama.” Para akong nagsusumbong sa kanya.

“Your parents just want to make sure you’re safe. I will bring security too.”

“That’s what your parents want?”

“No. That’s what I want to make sure your parents won’t worry about your safety.”

He’s thoughtful. Naisip niya pa talaga ang bagay na ’yon. He also wants my parents to feel at ease while I was away by providing another security for me. Is that something a man should do? Is that the way I should be treated?

Hell, yeah. My parents are protective of me. The man I’d choose to be with must do the same, right?

“Thanks. I’ll inform them about this. Para hindi na sila mag-alala pa.”

His eyes stayed on me. Kahit na sa screen lang kami nagkakakitaan, may apekto pa rin sa akin ang mga titig niya. Even though we’re not together, my heart still beat fast.

“Okay. You must take a rest. We will be early tomorrow.”

Tumango ako. Our plan is to leave at four in the morning. We still have to travel to Batangas. We’d like to start the trail before the heat of the sun comes out. Kung puwede lang akong mag over night kasama niya, hindi na namin kailangan gumising ng napaka aga para lang bumiyahe.

“How about you? Matutulog ka na rin ba?”

“Yeah.”

I said my good night to him before I ended the video call.

Pinilit ko talagang matulog kahit na excited ako sa hiking namin bukas. When my alarm rang, I got up and took a quick shower. I didn’t have time to blow dry my hair.

I am wearing a brown activewear that shows a bit of my stomach and my cleavage. I pair it with hiking sneaker, baseball cap, and jacket to protect my skin from the sun later. I have my sling backpack that fit my face towel, water tumbler, sunscreen, insect repellant, and mini first aid kit. On my backpack bag is my extra clothes and other personal stuff.

Mechita is also awake when I went to the kitchen. She prepared a sliced fruits, fresh juices, and sandwiches. I told her we are group of five people and she made more for us. I didn’t wanna get hungry during hiking though.

“Ma’am, magpapadala rin ng maraming bottled water sabi ng mommy mo. Iwan niyo nalang ang iba sa sasakyan ninyo.”

“Okay. Paige can help me with that.”

Tovar’s car is already outside. I hurriedly went to our door to welcome him.

“Good morning,” I waved at him using my fingers.

He got out from a black tinted Ford Ranger and walked towards me.

I anticipated each steps that going closer to me. It’s early in the morning and yet my heart is pounding like crazy.

“Morning pretty,” he said, then placed his hand on my waist, he leaned just to give me a kiss on the cheek.

I was stunned for a moment. I got his good night and morning kiss!

“Magandang umaga, Architect. Saan ko ilalagay ang mga ito?” Mechita is carrying bags of our foods.

Tovar motioned his security to get the bags from Mechita. Kinuha naman agad nito ’yon at inilagay sa compartment ng sasakyan pati ang mga bottled water.

“Ma’am, nasa labas na si Paige. Magmomotor nalang daw siya.” Mechita informed me.

Tumango ako at nagpaalam na. Sa back passenger seat kami sumakay ni Tovar. We are only four inside the Ranger. A driver and a bodyguard.

I rolled down my window when I see Paige outside our gate. She’s on her motorcycle gear.

“Morning, Paige!”

“Morning, Ma’am, Sir,” magalang na bati niya sa amin.

“Ingat ka!”

“Kayo rin, Ma’am!”

We left our subdivision. Paige is behind us.

Tovar casually introduced the men. The driver is Manong Rene and the bodyguard is Silvio.

I yawned when we are already on the the freeway.

“Sleepy?” I heard his morning voice beside me.

It’s sounded sexy though. Para bang nanghahalina siya.

“A bit.”

My hair is still damp. It’s a bit cold too. The music is love song. It makes me sleepy.

“Come closer,” he motioned me to move beside him.

Medyo bitin ang tulog ko. Kahit papano siguro pwede ko pang bawiin iyon kahit ilang minuto lang. Umusog ako palapit sa kanya. I sleepily rested my head on his thick muscled arm and hugged it slightly to make myself comfortable. His scent became familiar to me. It’s soothing for some reason. I fell asleep right away.

What made me opened my eyes was a gentle squeeze on my hand and whispers near my ear.

“We’re here…” I heard a voice.

I pressed myself against him. I didn’t realized I’m hugging his arm possessively. Na tila ba ayokong mawalay sa kanya. He feels very comforting.

“I didn’t know you sleep like a baby,” he chuckled.

Pinilit kong gisingin ang diwa ko at ang aking katawan. Wala nga pala ako sa kama ko. Nakahinto na ang sasakyan at kami nalang ni Tovar ang nasa loob.

“I’m so sleepy.”

“I can see.”

I yawned and weakly removed my tight embrace from his arm. I need to be active and energetic. I want a tea to make me awake.

I looked at him to ask if he wants coffee so we can have it first, but I caught him watching me.

I pursed me lips. “I want tea.”

“Yeah. We’ll have your tea first. Do you wanna eat breakfast?”

“Yes. And I’ll take fruits with me during the hike.”

We didn’t stop in the restaurant to eat. The men prepared the foldable chairs and table for all of us. The breakfast is also served already on the table. Paige gave me a cup of tea. She knows what I want talaga. Probably Mechita advised her too about it.

“No milk this time, Ma’am.”

“Okay lang. Thank you though.”

Nakaupo na kaming lahat. Nasa ilalim kami ng malaking puno nakapuwesto. Sa gilid naman naka-park ang sasakyan. Yumakap agad sa aking ang pang umagang ihip ng hangin. This is what I missed the most in the province, the breeze.

Sa probinsya ko lang nararamdaman na pati ang hangin ay tila may damdamin na gustong iparating sa akin sa tuwing niyayakap ako nito. Para bang hinihilom ang kung anong munting sugat na hindi ko alam na mayroon ako. Isang klase ng haplos ng pagmamahal na kahit hindi nakikita, hindi nahahawakan, nararamdaman pa rin ang mga yapos na nagbibigay ng kapayapaan at ginhawa sa akin.

I ate one egg tuna sandwich but I envied them because they’re eating filipino breakfast with rice. That’s what they prepared. They have their own foods for all of us too.

“Can I have it too?” I asked them.

“Oo, Ma’am. Ito…” binigyan ako ni Manong Rene ng isa pang packed breakfast na nakalagay sa plastic food container.

“Salamat, Manong Rene.”

“You’re welcome.”

I turned my gaze to Tovar who’s sitting just next to me. He’s having his coffee and almost done with his breakfast.

He’s sporting a black tactical hiking pants, tactical shoes, and a muscle tee that revealed the muscles on his arms, and the veins on his forearms down to the back of his hands. His tanned skin tone added to his virility.

It felt forbidden to see his exposed arms. I remember my friends opinion about him. I could picture him lifting heavy object that could make his veins and muscles protrude.

How does it feel if he had me in a headlock?

My face heated. I know I’m being malicious and lewd. I shouldn’t be! Ang aga-aga pero muscles at mga galit na ugat niya ang inaatupag ko na para bang iyon ang gusto kong almusalin!

“Hmm?” He mumbled.

Napakurap ako. Mabilis kong ibinalik ang tingin ko sa pagkain sa aking harap. It’s early in the morning and yet I’m embarrassing myself in front of him. I finished my breakfast without looking at him again.

Once everything was settled, the registration and so on, we have started the trails with a local tour guide with us.

Naiwan si Manong Rene sa parking. Ang kasama namin ay sina Paige at Silvio. Nagkakilala na rin ang dalawa na parehong tahimik.

Sa likod namin ay may isang grupo ng mga babae at lalaki na kasing edad ko lang din siguro. Mas marami, mas masaya. Ang ayoko lang ay kapag sobra silang maingay. Hindi ko tuloy masulit ang katahimikan sa paligid.

“Sshh! You guys are too loud.” I heard Paige hissed.

She’s behind me and Tovar. While Silvio is with the tour guide.

“Ay, sorry po!”

Tovar takes my hand when the trail gets steep.

“Haayy! Ang ganda ng view! Kapag ganito ba naman ang makikita ko sa tuwing aakyat ako ng bundok, baka a-araw-arawin ko!” Naghagikhikan ang mga babae.

I glanced at them to agree but I noticed them staring at Tovar. Kaya imbes na matuwa ako, medyo nairita ako. Akala ko pa naman pinupuri na nila ang kapaligiran.

“Ang ganda rin naman kasi ng kasama niya. Wala tayong laban diyan.”

I didn’t let go of his hand. Talagang pinanindigan ko ang paghahawak kamay namin habang naglalakad. He doesn’t mind though. He’d rather take my hand to make sure I won’t fall especially there are rough roads and some area are muddy.

The greenery feels so soothing. I feel refreshed despite the sweats. Every after twenty minutes or so, we slowed down because the guide slowed down too. We are just following him.

This time, we stopped in an open cottage made from nipa. I took the chance to drink water and wipe my sweats again.

“Ma’am, may tubig pa dito. Sabihin mo lang kung kailangan mo.” Paige informed me.

Tumango ako. Then I looked at the man standing just right next to me.

He’s sweating bullets. His tanned skin gets shiny because of it. Ang pawis niya ay mabagal na gumagapang pababa sa kanyang braso. I can see that his tee is soaked already.

He lifted his hand to wipe the sweats on my forehead.

“Are you okay?” He asked while watching my face as if he’s memorizing every part of it.

“Yes. It’s good to get sweats and burn calories. Your tee is wet na.” I even squeezed the fabric slightly to feel it.

“I’ll have it dried.” He then pulled out his tee from his nape, which made me gasp.

It was already too late to stop him from stripping because he already done it. Exposing us his upper body. His broad chest is matted with thin hair. There’s also a toned packs on his flat abdomen which give me reason that he’s really working out. His happy trail is also making me scandalous. I don’t wanna look at that anymore.

Napalunok ako at pinagpawisan pa yata lalo.

Iba ang pakiramdam na ibinibigay niya sa akin. Hindi ko napaghandaan. I feel like he’s going to be part of my fantasy! His body is making me thrilled and shy at the same time.

“Nawala bigla ang pagod ko! Jusko!” Parang naiipit na tiririt ang grupo ng mga babae.

I pursed my lips. I wanted so bad to cover his body because I didn’t want the girls to see him like that! But I couldn’t get the courage to do it.

“Let’s go na…” aya ko sa kanila, medyo nakasimangot.

Tovar put his tee around his nape then he hold my hand again. I cannot focus with the nature anymore because of the fact that I know the girls behind us were drooling.

I walked slowly so that I can see his back. Para naman maka-relate ako sa pantasya nila.

Even the muscles on his back are toned. Hindi rin nakatulong na dumadaloy ang mga pawis niya pababa. Parang ang sarap padapuin ng palad ko sa likod niya at marahan na punasan ang pawis.

“I’m kinda feeling hot na.” Reklamo ko.

“Remove your jacket.”

Binitawan ko ang kamay niya para hubarin ang jacket na suot ko. I wrapped it around my waist.

I saw him looked down on me then he sighed. Before he grabbed my hand again.

His reaction made me curious. I checked my activewear. It exposed a bit of my stomach and my upper chest. My cleavage is showing which I found normal. How can I hide it, huh?

“Next time let’s do water activities. I haven’t tried scuba diving yet. How difficult it is to learn?”

Tinignan niya ulit ako. Magkasalubong ang mga kilay niya lalo na nang bumaba ang mga mata niya sa aking dibdib. Para siyang iritado at supladong nag iwas ng tingin.

“Do you have a problem with my breasts?” I asked innocently.

This time, he growled like a wounded beast in the middle of the forest.

“It’s fine, Tovar. It’s just my cleavage.”

“Yeah. It distract me from admiring the nature.”

“You can admire both.” I muttered playfully.

“Uh-huh.”

I felt the heat on my face. I can be playful sometimes, but not in this way. It sounded like I am provoking him.

I wiggled our hand. “Pero seryoso nga, I want to do water activities next time. Did you hear me? I wanna try scuba diving or free diving. Okay? Are you listening ba? I wanna try it talaga.”

“Baby, we will do whatever you want.”

“I’m not a baby.” I pouted.

“You are my baby,” he then gave me a tender gaze which made my heart pounded against my chest.

CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER FOUR

When we have reached the peak of Mt. Batulao the first thing I felt was being grateful. I was always like that whenever I finally stood on the summit of a mountain. Grateful because I made it despite of hardships along the way. I was given the opportunity to see the beauty of the nature. It healed something in me.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes to feel the gusting winds. Niyayakap ako ng hangin na para bang isa akong regalo na dumating at nagpapasalamat siya sa akin. Na sa kabila ng lahat ng pagod, mahabang paglalakad, masukal na daan, pinili kong ipagpatuloy ang paglalakbay upang makita ang ganda ng mundo mula sa tuktok ng bundok.

Naniniwala ako na mararamdaman mo lang ang ginhawa pagkatapos nang lahat ng paghihirap. Ang tunay na kalayaan ay makakamit sa tuktok pagkalipas ng mga pagsubok. At habang paakyat sa tagumpay, hindi natin maiiwasan ang mga lubak na nakaharang sa daan—na tila ba pumipigil sa bawat hakbang papunta sa dulo. Ngunit nangako ako na palagi kong pipiliin ang maglakad at magpatuloy kung iyon lang ang tanging paraan para makamtan ko ang magandang kapalaran.

Kasabay nang pagyakap sa akin ng hangin ay ang tahimik kong hiling na sana kung anoman ang ihandog sa akin ng tadhana, manatili akong matapang na harapin ang lahat ng ’yon. Tanggap ko na hindi araw-araw ay magiging masaya ang buhay ko, ngunit humihiling ako na kung daanan man ako ng bagyo, huwag sana akong tangayin ng hangin palayo sa sarili ko.

Sometimes, I felt like the only person that won’t leave me and hurt me is myself. Na kailangan kong unahin na mahalin ang sarili ko bago ang iba. Na dapat kahit ano pa man ang mangyari, pipiliin ko palagi ang aking sarili, ang aking kasiyahan, bago ang mga tao na kukumpleto sa akin. Minsan, pakiramdam ko rin na kadamutan ’yon.

Pero ano nga ba ang handang gawin ng isang tao para sa sarili nilang kapakanan at kasiyahan?

The whispers of the breeze, the smells of nature, the sunlight that touches my skin, the soil of the mountain, and the solace after hardships, healed something in me. It gave me inner peace. It was very, very soothing. My heart was melting.

A heavy arms gently enveloped my shoulders which put a smile on my lips.

“You’re too enchanting. I couldn’t help myself.” Tovar whispered behind me.

I faintly grasped his muscled arms near my neck. His body is warm. I can feel the heat between us.

The scenic 360-view is a sight to behold. I couldn’t get my eyes off from it despite him embracing me from my back. I do not care about other people anymore. All I care about is the incredible beauty in front of me and the man behind me.

The Taal Lake from afar and some mountains can be seen. The sky is bluish like ocean, the hills and trees are green, and the sunlight is golden yellow, everything around me is colored beautifully. I am in complete awe. I am fortunate to witness the magic of nature.

“Did you know that I always make a wish every time I reached the summit?” I muttered softly.

“Hmm. It’s interesting to know.”

“Don’t you wanna ask me what is my wish this time?”

I felt him took a breath because his chest waved a bit. He then rested his chin on the top of my head.

“Tell me.”

“My wish is to stay brave and feisty when the storm comes,” my voice faded when the wind blew.

I rested my chin on his arms while I still gripping them with my hands.

“In this life, we will never know what’s coming next. Maligaya tayo ngayon pero bukas baka hindi na. We have our love ones with us now, but we will never know until when we get to spend time with them. Alam mo ’yon? Masaya naman ang buhay, but it also has surprises. Sana maging handa ako sa lahat ng sorpresa.”

He planted a kiss at the top of my head, then his embrace gets tighter a bit. It’s tranquilizing to be surrounded by him. He gives me comfort I didn’t know I needed.

“I’m gonna make a wish,” he uttered quietly.

Sumilay ang ngiti sa akin. I am not sure if he’s joking or serious. But he stayed silent. I gave him time to think and make his wish.

“Are you done?” I asked teasingly after a while.

“Yeah.”

“May I know your wish?”

Tumingala ako para makita kung seryoso talaga siya. Nasilip ko siyang tahimik na nakapikit—animo dinadama ang kapayapaan sa paligid habang yakap-yakap niya ako.

I’m interested to know his wish. He gives me thrills in a way I get curious with everything he does and whatever runs in his mind.

“I wish to be your safe harbor when the storm comes to you,” he said in low raspy tone.

“Why?” I felt my heart was thumping.

“So you don’t have to face the storm alone. You have me. I’d give you a blanket of security.”

I have him. I feel delighted and relieved to know that when the storm comes, I will have him. I won’t be alone because he will be there to give me shelter, a warm embrace, and a safe haven.

“I will hold on to your promise.”

We stayed in that position for a couple of moments before we decided to take some pictures. We took group photos, our photos together, and I took selfie of us too, while he’s still behind me, locking me with his muscled arms.

Naalala ko na naman tuloy ang mga kaibigan ko. Once I get a signal, I will send them our photos.

Nagpasya kaming bumaba na pagkatapos makapagpahinga. Hindi na namin kasabay ang ibang grupo. Mas nauna na kaming umalis dahil masakit na sa balat ang sikat ng araw. Pababa ang daan ngunit para sa akin mas madali ’yon kaysa noong umaakyat kami.

Kaagad kaming binigyan ng towel at tubig ni Manong Rene noong makarating kami sa parking. I am tired and a bit hungry but I am very satisfied with the hike. It was fulfilling.

Tovar walked towards me to wipe the sweats on my forehead and face.

Pumikit ako at hinayaan siyang alagaan ako. During our hike, he was very protective of me. Hindi niya ako hinahayaan na maglakad na hindi niya hawak ang kamay ko. Bibitaw lang kami kapag makipot masyado ang daan. Pero hanggat kaya namin maghawak kamay, ginagawa namin.

“Let me,” I grabbed his towel and wiped his neck down to his arm.

“Ayoko nga. Masira mo pa ’yan,” narinig ko si Paige.

“Ang sungit mo naman,” si Silvio na hinahawakan ang motorsiklo. “Rides tayo minsan.”

“Saan naman?”

“Sa Norte.”

“Puwede naman.”

Pagkatapos namin magpunas ng pawis, kinuha ko ang bag ko para makapagpalit bago kami umalis.

“I’m gonna change nalang inside the car,” sabi ko kay Tovar na nakasunod sa akin.

“Okay.”

The Ranger is fully tinted. At hindi rin naman sisilip ang mga kasama namin dahil abala na sa motorsiklo ni Paige.

He opened the door for me and I hopped in. He closed it and turned his back as if he’d see me if he didn’t. He’s such a gentleman.

I removed my activewear and even my underwear. Then I changed with new ones. I am now wearing a navy blue tube and beige relaxed pants. I tied my hair in a low bun and I sprayed perfume.

Binuksan ko ang pinto. Tovar looked at me right away. Then his eyes stopped on my chest.

He rubs his eyebrow using his finger. My cleavage always stressing him out.

“Let’s go and eat?” I smiled sweetly.

“I will just change.”

“Saan?”

“Dito?”

Wala naman ibang tao. Bukod sa ibang tourist guide, turista, at lokal. Pero ilan doon ay babae na napapatingin sa gawi namin.

“No, you change inside.” I hissed.

Tinignan niya ako na para bang may nakakaaliw sa akin.

Sinundan ko siya papunta sa trunk ng sasakyan para kumuha ng bagong damit niya. He pulled out a white cotton v-neck t-shirt and new pants.

I even guided him inside the car so that he will really do it there.

“You’re funny,” he chuckled.

Umirap na ako at isinara na ang pinto nang makapasok siya. Bahala siya na mahirapan sa pagpapalit ng damit, huwag lang makita ng ibang babae ang katawan niya.

“Paige, let’s have lunch muna. Okay?”

“Sige, Ma’am. Sabihin mo lang kapag aalis na tayo.”

“I can introduce you to some of my friends. There are girls too.” Silvio is still encouraging Paige to join the rides.

“Pag-iisipan ko.”

“Paano ko malalaman ang sagot mo? Give me your number,” Silvio handed his phone to Paige.

“Ganyan ang tamang banat,” natatawang sabi ni Manong Rene sabay tapik pa sa balikat ni Silvio.

Ibinigay naman ni Paige ang numero niya at tinaboy na si Silvio sa tabi ng motorsiklo.

Nang matapos na si Tovar sa pagbibihis, lumapad ang ngiti sa labi ko. He looked fresh and smells so nice. I think I am starting to admire him more.

We are already inside the car going to the restaurant to eat late lunch. I am hungry but I can still wait. Napapagod din ako at medyo masakit na ang mga paa.

I shamelessly moved closer to Tovar. Kahit na napatingin siya sa akin, hindi ko nalang pinansin. I grabbed his arm and hugged it. Then I rested my head against it.

He’s very comforting. Gusto ko ang pakiramdam na ibinibigay sa akin sa tuwing yakap ko ang braso niya. Kahit pagod o inaantok, napapanatag ako at mabilis na nakakapagpahinga sa tabi niya.

I genuinely like hugging his arm and I hope that my breasts that pressed against his skin won’t bother him.

He planted a light kiss on the top of my head. It also felt like he’s smelling my hair.

Nakaidlip ako sa gano’n na posisyon. Nagising lang ulit para kumain.

“I already had enough carbs today. I just want Caesar salad sana or something light.”

It’s a local restaurant and I’m sure they don’t serve Caesar salad. I’m just gonna have it when I get home instead. For lunch, they ordered rice again, with vegetables, grilled fish and chicken, then seafoods.

Magana silang kumakain pati si Paige. Katulad noong nag almusal kami, medyo naiinggit na naman ako. Kaya kahit ayaw ko sanang kumain ng kagaya sa kanila, hindi ko rin natiis.

“Ma’am, okay lang ’yan. We did a long walk today. Natunaw na ang calories kanina.” Paige encouraged me more so that I won’t feel guilty.

Oo nga naman. We burned calories already. I shouldn’t stop myself from eating what I want. Isa pa hindi naman din ako mabilis tumaba. Ayoko lang kasi na pakiramdam ko ay mabigat ang katawan ko. Anyway, it’s too late to complain, I am already eating with them.

“Boss, busy ka ba next weekend?” Tanong ni Silvio kay Tovar.

I glanced at him. He eats in a proper manner. He sipped on his juice first before he answered.

“Not really.”

“Rides ulit tayo kung hindi ka busy, boss. Sasama si Paige.”

I feel excited for their rides. Kanina pa nila pinag-uusapan ’yon. What surprised me is Tovar doing that too.

“Do you know how to ride motorcycle din?” I asked, amused.

“Yes.”

“I wanna go sa rides din. Puwede ako? But I don’t know how to ride motorcycle pala.”

Para akong nanghina. Paano ako makakasama kung hindi ako marunong? Every riders know how to drive motorcycle. We don’t even have one. And if I asked Paige to teach me, it will take so long and I don’t think I like to do it. I’m too scared. I don’t even drive.

“Pwede kang isama ni boss, Ma’am Verena,” Silvio said that gave me hope right away. “Angkas ka sa kanya.”

Kumislap ang mga mata ko nang ibalik ang tingin kay Tovar. Nakatingin din siya sa akin tila ba pinag iisipan pa kung isasama niya ako o hindi.

“I wanna go…” I gave him a begging eyes.

Narinig ko ang mahinang tawa ni Paige. “Ganyan na ganyan ’yan siya kapag may hinihiling.”

“It depends if your parents would allow you to ride a motorcycle.”

Even with this kind of situation he’s still consider my parents opinion and permission. Isn’t it a good thing? It means he respects my parents.

“Paige will be with us. Papayagan nila ako. Right?” I turned to Paige.

“Depende sa mommy mo, Ma’am. Mahaba rin kasi ang biyahe at hindi ka sanay.”

“Then, let’s practice. We have five days to do it.”

I am determined to do it. It’s good to do other things and meet other people too.

Baka naman kaya lang gusto kong sumama ay dahil kay Tovar? Paano kung hindi siya kasama, sasama ba ako? Siyempre hindi. Ayokong umangkas sa ibang lalaki. Lalo akong hindi papayagan ng magulang ko. But if I ride on Tovar’s motorcycle, maybe my parents would allow me. They trust Tovar and Paige. So I have a big chance.

“Boss, practice daw.” Si Paige kay Tovar.

Nanliit bigla ang mga mata niya. Siguro iniisip niya na may bago siyang responsibilidad sa akin. Sumimangot ako dahil nakikita ko na hindi niya gusto ang mga hinihiling ko.

“Okay! I’m not gonna force myself na to join sa rides niyo!”

I crossed my arms. I even leered at all of them.

“Ask your parents first if they would allow you, okay? If they do, we’ll practice.” His voice was gentle I cannot get myself to stay mad.

I stopped myself from smiling even though deep inside I’m kinda happy that he’s willing to teach me how to properly ride on a motorcycle.

“Thanks. I will let you know their answer.”

Napapalakpak si Paige. “Malayo ’yon, Ma’am. Kailangan natin mag over night. Sana payagan ka.”

I do sleep over only with my friends but not yet with other people. I think that’s the only problem I need to face when I tell my parents about it. Sana payagan pa rin ako. I can book my own room so that they won’t feel bothered that I’d be sleeping with other people. Besides, Paige and Tovar will be with me. I’ll be safe.

I kissed my parents on the cheek when I got home.

“How was the hike, honey? You looked happy, huh.” My mom was smiling.

“It was fun and tiring, mom. But you know, it was fulfilling when I reached the summit. It was healing.”

Hinaplos niya ang aking braso. Magaan ang tingin niya sa akin.

“I can see the fulfillment in your eyes. You must always do hiking or do activities during weekends, Verena. It’s good for you.”

Dinala ko siya sa sofa. My dad went to the library room to get something.

“We actually have plan for next weekend, mommy. But I am not sure if you and dad would allow me to do it.”

“What is it ba? And who’s gonna be with you?”

“I’m gonna be with Tovar, Silvio—his bodyguard, and Paige will join us too.”

“Okay. Kayo-kayo pa rin naman. And what you guys have planned this time?”

I smiled sweetly. I need to use my charm so she will give me permission to join the rides.

“Mommy, I just discovered that aside from hiking and scuba diving, Tovar is doing long rides din using his motorcycle…” I said to make her interested.

“That’s good to know. He’s very fit, I’m not surprise he does things like that.”

“Yeah. So, they have plan to do a long rides next weekend. I said, I wanna join to experience it.”

“No, you’re not going to drive a motorcycle, Verena. It’s very dangerous. You don’t even drive car.”

“Oh, I will angkas kay Tovar, mommy.”

Nag isip niya. Hindi agad nagsalita. Nakatitig lang siya sa akin.

I silently pray that the next words I will hear from her is in favor of me.

“Do you know how to angkas?” She raised her brow at me.

Umiling ako. Hindi ko kailangan magsinungaling tungkol sa bagay na ito. My parents don’t like liars. They will know when I lie.

“They going to teach me how. Paige and Tovar will be my trainers.”

Tumango-tango siya. Kaunting tulak nalang, papayag na siya. I silently trembled in excitement.

“Humm! Let me think about this. I wanna make sure you’re safe, anak. It’s your first time. You should think about it too.”

“I want to try it, mom. Please?” I gave her a begging eyes.

She rolled her eyes as if she knows that I’m doing the begging to make her say yes.

“What are my girls talking about?” My dad butt in holding a book.

“Your anak here was asking me if she can join sa motorcycle rides nila Tovar. Paige will join them too. What do you think, sweetheart?”

He sat next to my mom. Inilpag niya ang libro sa lamesa sa harap namin. My mother is in between us.

“Since she doesn’t know how to ride on a motorcycle, Tovar and Paige will teach her first.”

“I’m gonna ride on Tovar’s motorcycle, dad.” I added the most important info.

“Well, you better practice first and see if you can. It’s a long ride, Verena, you must condition your body. It’s not easy to sit on a motorcycle for a long hours.”

Kakayanin ko. Titiisin ko. Gusto ko lang maranasan ang mga bagay na ginagawa ni Tovar. I am really thrilled!

“Payag ka na po? Please?”

My dad nodded his head that made me screamed in joy.

“Thank you, daddy, mommy! You guys are the best in this world!” I hugged them with a big smile.

CHAPTER 5

CHAPTER FIVE

I sent photos from our recent hike to my friends. As usual, I, having Tovar Pontevedra with me is such a big deal to them.

Yukio: Na-headlock ka na, Verena! Hahaha

It was the selfie of me while Tovar’s arms wrapped around my shoulders and neck.

Ember: Ang landi mo! I’m screaming here! I thought he’s not your type! You fit together, hun.

Verena: That’s not a headlock! It was the way he embraced me.

I rolled my eyes but I can’t stop the grin on my face. Sabi ko na nga ba at sa lahat ng pictures na isinend ko sa group chat namin, ang selfie namin ni Tovar ang pagtutuunan nila ng pansin.

Yukio: Did you guys kiss?

Verena: No! Why would we kiss?

Ember: Because why not? Friendly kiss?

Verena: We are not going to kiss. He’s not my boyfriend.

Yukio: But you guys are dating?

Verena: Yes.

There’s no reason to hide what’s going on with my life from my friends. I know they would support me in any ways.

Ember: I’m literally rolling on my bed right now. I’m so kilig!

Hindi maawat ang ngiti sa labi ko. It was just a date. It doesn’t mean we are going to be in a relationship. Kung liligawan ako ni Tovar, sasagutin ko ba?

The answer is… yes. Why not? If I like him that much, I would like him to be my boyfriend.

Yukio: I am rooting for you, queen. Make him your boyfriend.

Ember: Oh, to have an Architect boyfriend…

Verena: I’ll let you guys know kapag nanligaw siya.

I put back my phone inside my sling bag after I talked to my friends.

Today is the second day of our practice. I stretched my arms while waiting for Tovar and Paige. We are doing it in a vacant area of our subdivision. Then they would drive me around. At first I was terrified, I just hugged Tovar to make myself comfortable.

Si Tovar ang unang dumating. He’s riding his BMW motorcycle. Looking mysteriously hot because the black full-face helmet hides his face.

He parked it just a meters in front of me, then he removed his helmet. I can see how strong his legs are. That motorcycle is very heavy for me but he carries it like it didn’t weight.

I welcomed him with an excited hug. I got familiarized with his smell.

He kissed my head lightly as his normal greetings to me.

“Paige is not here yet. She didn’t reply. But we can start even without her, right?”

Paige’s job is to just follow us with her motorcycle or guide us the way. She’s also ensuring that I am safe during the rides. She taught me that I should wrap my arms on Tovar’s waist, and not to grip his shoulders.

He put the helmet he bought for me on my head. He locked it for my safety. I have my knee and elbows pads too. I am wearing a black leggings, sneakers, and comfortable jacket.

“I’m ready!” I announced merrily.

“Come,” he patted the space behind him.

Luckily, I am comfortably fit here. I hold on to his arm and lifted my body a bit to sit behind him. Then I wrapped my arms around his waist. I already know what to do though. It’s not that difficult to learn how to angkas. Akala ko magiging mahirap pero hindi naman pala talaga.

He roared the engine and I readied myself.

“Are you comfortable?” He turned his head to me.

I couldn’t really see his face. I just nodded my head as an answer.

“Aren’t you nervous?”

“No. Not anymore.”

“Good. Hold tight.”

Habang binabaybay namin ang mahabang daan at yumayakap ang marahas na hangin sa amin, mas niyayakap ko siya upang maramdaman lalo ang kalayaan na kasama siya. The morning sunlight that strikes at the coastline of Zambales is astonishing.

We left very early in the morning in Manila. We had stop-overs along the way. I was comfortable despite the long ride. Maybe because I liked the feeling of hugging Tovar and resting my head on his back during the entire trip.

We booked a two bedroom villa in a resort where we are going to stay for a night. Since my parents are strict, they wanted Paige to stay with me. I’m fine with that. Tovar’s villa is just next to us.

We are group of ten luxury motorcycle then some security who joined. Riders are mixed of men and women. Some men have their wife or girlfriend with them. Some are alone. I also realized they’re on the same circle. Architects, Engineers, and businessmen.

We’re having a breakfast in a table for six. We are with Paige, Silvio, and Theon Monseratte–Tovar’s best friend.

“Do you always join them?” I asked Theon.

“Nah. Only when your boyfriend joined the rides.”

I pursed my lips. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

He gave us a surprise look in a playful way. “My bad. Was my friend that too slow?”

Tovar grimaced beside me.

“We are not in a hurry though.” I then sipped on my mint iced tea.

Our breakfast have been served. Theon, Tovar, and I will have continental breakfast. While Paige and Silvio are having filipino breakfast.

The ocean is inviting. I kinda want to dip before I take a rest. I bring swimsuit when they told me that we are going to stay in a beach resort. Isang gabi lang kami mananatili roon. Kinabukasan ay babalik na sa Maynila.

I don’t want to bother much Tovar because I know he’s tired from driving. Gano’n din si Paige. Kaya baka ako nalang mag isa ang maligo sa dagat mamaya. Ayoko rin na ayain ang ibang babae na kasama namin dahil hindi ko sila kilala talaga.

“I will take a dip before I rest.” I informed them so that they know my plan.

“Babantayan kita, Ma’am.”

“I’m not a kid, Paige. You should take a rest.”

“I’m gonna take a dip too. Let’s do it together.” Tovar butt in.

Theon whistled. But didn’t say anything. I just know he’s teasing the man beside me.

“Aren’t you tired?” I glanced at him.

He’s still looked fresh despite the long ride. Samantalang ako, pakiramdam ko ay ang dumi at ang lagkit ko na. Kaya gusto ko talagang maligo sa dagat para mawala ang mga alikabok na bumabalot sa akin.

“Not really.”

Well, if he wants to join me, I don’t mind. Besides, we have all the time today to take a rest.

After we ate our breakfast, we went to our own villa. Paige is somewhere to smoke.

I am in my white backless one piece swimsuit and a mesh skirt as cover up. I wear my Prada sunglass on, and grabbed my mini Celine beach bag. I closed the door of our villa and saw Tovar coming to me.

He’s topless, exposing his impressive physique. A beach towel is wrapped around his neck. His black swimming trunk revealed his strong legs and the thin hair matted on them. And his dark aviator screamed how fine he is. Damn boy, he’s very pleasant to look at.

Ang bawat lapat ng tingin niya sa akin ay nag iiwan ng kakaibang init sa aking balat. I startled because of the sudden tension I felt between us.

I hooked my hand around his arm and dragged him towards the beach. I shouldn’t feel nervous. I need to start being very comfortable with him.

I sat on the bed lounger and get my sunscreen in my bag.

“Can you please put some on my back?” I asked him politely.

He sat behind me quietly. No questions. He will do it without a doubt.

I bite my lower lip when his callous palm touched my skin. The electrifying sensation is making my stomach fluttered. I was biting my lips because I’m stopping myself from making any scandalous sounds. But really, I feel a bit aroused while his palms were gently applying the sunscreen.

My hair is in a high bun. That made the skin on my back exposed including the nape.

“Sa nape pa, please…” my voice was tender.

I heard him sigh. His hand went to my nape and do the same hand movement like what he did to my back.

“Do you want me to put sunscreen on your back?” I muttered in a very womanly tone.

Pumikit ako at hindi na kinaya ang kiliting hatid ng palad niya sa aking batok. Pakiramdam ko kapag tumagal pa, gagawa ako ng tunog na susubok sa pasensya niya.

“I don’t really need it though.”

“But you’re gonna get burned, Tovar. Let me put some on your shoulders nalang.”

Wala siyang nagawa nang tumayo ako at kinuha sa kanya ang sunscreen bottle. I stood behind him. I put some amount on my palm and mixed it together. Then I slowly apply on his shoulder blades.

I bite the inside of my cheek because his muscled back attract me in a way that I thought of him being in an erotic scenario with a faceless woman while they’re both pleasured. That… made me gasped.

“Are you done?” He turned his head to me a bit.

“Uh, yeah.”

Iwinaksi ko sa aking isipan ang mga imahe niya na kasama ang isang babae habang nasa mainit na tagpo. I shouldn’t think of him that way! There will be no other woman but me!

I removed my beach skirt. Sinundan niya ang ginawa ko. Ang mga mata niya ay muling bumaba sa aking katawan. Kaya naman para akong pinagpawisan bigla.

I am a confident woman. I know I’m beautiful and I have a body to flaunt. But at the moment, I felt a bit shy because he’s scanning me thoroughly.

“Isn’t padded?” He pointed my chest.

My swimsuit has a thin pads. I have noticed the shadow of my nipples which made me winced. Am I aroused or what?

“Pads are not thick enough.”

Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilan beses na siyang napabuntong hininga. Pero wala naman siyang sinasabi talaga.

“Let’s go. It’s getting hot here.” Aya ko.

I ran towards the salty water. Bumalot sa akin ang may kalamigan na tubig. I need to cool down. I think I get aroused with our sunscreen applying session.

Binasa ko siya ng tubig nang naglalakad na siya papunta sa akin. Marahan lang siyang natawa ngunit patuloy siyang lumalapit. I kept making his body wet until he grabbed me on the waist which made me giggled.

I am standing in front of him while his arms stayed around me. I cannot see his eyes clearly because I am also wearing a sunglasses. I only feel the tension and heat between us.

When his gaze went down on my chest, he growled.

Ibinaba ko ang tingin sa aking dibdib. The water leveled is only on my waist. The shadow of my hard twin peak is very evident. Aside from the cold water, I am kinda heating up.

“Let’s do something about it,” he whispered huskily.

“Huh?”

“Turn around.”

He guided me to turn my back to him.

I am now facing the ocean horizon. The sky is a combination of warm gold and light blue, the colors have a dramatic reflection above the sea. Parang salamin ang tubig at ang kulay ng langit ang nagbibigay ng buhay dito.

Tovar wrapped his arms around my waist. I feel his arms pressing against the sides of my boobs. Lalo lang iyon nagbibigay sa akin ng init na hindi ko kayang kontrolin. Tila ako lihim na nasasabik sa kung ano.

I rested my hands on his arms. Sa galaw ko na ’yon ay mas naramdaman ko pa ang mga braso niya na lalong dumikit sa gilid ng aking dibdib. Kinagat ko ang pang ibabang labi. I have no control over my own emotions anymore.

When his one hand traveled under my breast, I gasped slightly.

“How do you feel?” His raspy voice is provoking me.

“Hot…”

“I can feel it.”

I am feeling it too. We are both warm. We are silent but boiling inside.

“Mmm…” I rested my back and head against his body when his palm traveled to my chest.

He massages my breast gently. As if it is the only way to stop the heat I am feeling. But it didn’t. It only lit the fire hidden inside of me.

“Tovar…” I moaned his name.

His fingers found my hard nipple and he plays with it. Hindi niya ako pinapakalma, mas umiinit lang ako lalo dahil sa ginagawa niya. But I won’t complain because I like it.

Humigpit ang hawak ko sa kanyang braso na tila ba nalulunod ako sa tubig sa aming harap. Ngunit ang katotohanan ay nahihibang ako sa ginagawa niya sa akin.

And when he slid his palm under my swimsuit, I felt like I was running out of breath. My lips parted while he’s fingers gently tortured my twin peak. Pinagsasalit-salitan niyang paglaruan ang mga ’yon. Bawat isa ay nabibigyan ng sapat na atensyon.

“Mmm… Tovar…”

He leaned until his lips near my ear. He breathed on it that made me shiver in pleasure. I craned my neck as if I am inviting him to kiss me on that part. Amazingly, he understood what I wanted.

Bumaba ang labi niya sa aking leeg at pinatakan ako ng masusuyong halik sa bahaging ’yon. Habang ang palad niya ay malayang minamasahe ang aking dibdib.

Ipinikit ko ang aking mga mata at walang pag-aalinlangan na dinama ang ligaya na hatid ng mga halik at haplos niya sa aking katawan. I am drowning in a way that I know it will satisfy me in the end.

“I am feeling so hot…” I whispered.

“I know.”

His lips on my neck is making me wet down there. I can’t believe I am very aroused and turned on.

“Is this your way to make my body feel calm?”

“Am I making you calm?”

“Not really. You make me arouse.” I said with honesty.

“Don’t you like it?”

“Mmm…” I gasped softly when his fingers slightly pinched my nipple.

“Hmm?”

“… I like it.”

Kung gaano kami katagal sa tubig, gano’n din katagal ang mga halik niya sa leeg, balikat, at pisngi ko. At the same time, his palm on my breasts stayed too.

Namumungay ang mga mata ko habang pinapanood ang malapad niyang palad na marahan na gumagalaw para masahiin ang aking dibdib. The veins at the back of his hand added fire to my sanity. I am attracted not only with his arms, but also with his hands.

“Tovar…” I called him with no certain reason.

“Do you wanna go back?”

“No,” I shook my head. “Let’s stay like this.”

His hearty short laugh echoed my ears. It made me blushed.

“My baby is still on fire,” he whispered against my neck.

“You made me on fire. So, do your part.”

“I am doing my part,” his one hand travelled to my lower abdomen.

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa kamay niyang ’yon. I know what he is about to do. I am thrilled but at the same time a bit tensed. Nag-iinit pa rin ako at gusto kong lumabas ang lahat ng apoy na nagtatago sa aking katawan. Upang hindi ko na ’yon maramdaman pagkabalik namin sa villa.

“Pull it on the side,” he commanded.

“Huh? What?” I innocently whined.

“Your bikini.”

Kinagat ko ang aking labi. Mainit ang sikat ng araw ngunit mas nakakapaso itong ginagawa namin.

“I wanna feel you,” he breathed on my ear, it tickled me.

“Uh, would you like to touch me?”

“Yeah.”

My heart beat was like a volcano that is about to erupt. I gasped to get some air. My body is so warm and my skin is very sensitive. But I want the fire to stop. I have to do something about it.

Slowly, I pulled the side of my bikini and parted my legs a bit so that he would have enough access.

I gripped on his muscled arms when I felt his fingers on my flesh. Animo mawawala ako sa sarili ko at kailangan kong kumapit sa kanya para lang manatili ako sa reyalidad.

“Tovar…” I cried his name.

“Tang ina,” he cursed under his breath while feeling my arousal that soaked his fingers.

When he moved his fingers, I whimpered. He’s rubbing my femininity and it was electrifying. I am breathless. I have to moan.

“Mmm… mmm…” I closed my eyes and let him dominate my body.

“I wanna taste you,” he sounded erotic.

“Uhh… h-how?”

“Tonight.”

I nodded my head even if I don’t really know what he meant. I would just agree to whatever he wants to do with me for as long as I will be satisfied and pleased.

“I’m gonna devour this sweet p*ssy,” he said hoarsely near my earlobe, I trembled.

“Are you gonna eat me?” I was innocently asking him, even if deep inside I already picture him in between my thighs.

“Yeah.”

I parted my lips for another wave of breathtaking sensation he was giving me.

CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER SIX

When we went back to the villa after staying in the ocean, I took a shower and slept after. My body was tired but my mind was in peace. I woke up around three in the afternoon. Paige slept but she woke up earlier than me. Nasa dagat siya at si Silvio nang magising ako.

I texted Tovar the moment I woke up saying that I fell asleep. Because we were texting before it. I scrolled our conversation only to feel the heat on my cheeks.

Verena: I think, I moaned loud.

Tovar: You sounds sexy though.

Verena: Really? Did you like it?

Tovar: Yeah. I wanna hear your moans again.

Now that I looked back with what happened in the ocean, I cannot find the courage to face him again. Bumalik na nga talaga ako sa normal na ako. I am not aroused anymore. I don’t feel the fire boiling inside me. I wasn’t clouded with lust and pleasure. I am back in my own reality.

I wear my beige bodycon dress and let my beach wavy hair falls naturally. I am going to meet him to have some drinks and light snacks. Napag-usapan na namin ’yon kaya dapat sumunod ako. Iiwasan ko nalang isipin ang ginagawa namin sa dagat kanina.

Nagkita kami sa labas mismo ng villa. Naroon na siya naghihintay sa akin. He’s sporting a white Ralph Lauren linen shirt and paired it with khaki relaxed shorts. With his eyes that looked at me like a hawk.

He carefully grabbed my waist and kissed my cheek.

“Did you sleep good?”

Hindi pa rin ako sanay na ang pagbati niya sa akin ay halik sa gilid ng aking ulo o kaya ay sa pisngi. This time, he held me on the waist. It showed that he’s really being comfortable with his actions.

“I slept like a baby,” I looked up on him. “And you?”

“Deep, but not long enough.”

“Well, you must get a good sleep tonight. We are going to have a long and tiring day tomorrow.”

“I’ve been thinking of you,” he muttered huskily as we walked towards the beach bar.

“Why?” I hooked my hand on his arm.

He shrugs his shoulders. He didn’t say anything. His palm is still on my waist.

“The feeling is mutual though. You’re not alone.” I admitted.

It seemed like it relaxed him in a way that he didn’t need to be bother that he’s the only one thinking of me because I do the same thing to him.

We enjoy the happy hours with drinks and music. Theon has joined us.

“What do you do?” I asked to keep the conversation going.

His last name is quite familiar to me. I think I heard Monseratte before. I just can’t figure out when, where, or from who. I just know they are known in business world. If Theon is part of what I know, then, that’s a good thing. I could get his contact and give to my father.

“I am working in my family business.”

“What kind of business? Your name sounds familiar to me.”

Theon sipped on his mojito. “Real Estate Developer.”

Oh. I got it. He’s belong to Monseratte Empire, a leading real estate developer in the country.

I don’t remember if my father already worked with Monseratte. Maybe. I’d ask my dad.

“The company used to work with your father,” Theon revealed the question in my head.

I am amazed. He knows my dad too.

“Do you have upcoming projects? Your company might want my father’s expertise in architecture.”

There’s no need to be shy. If it’s business, I want to help my father gets more clients. The more the projects, the more PRA will be successful. Like what I always said, my father’s success is my success too. I will always support him no matter what.

“Honestly, we have. I may consider reaching out to your dad.”

“You better. He’s great.” Tovar sounds like a proud son.

“Yeah. With his long experience in architecture, intricate designs, I think he’d get a spot.”

I feel honored to be the daughter of Phelari “Phil” Raventos after hearing these men in front of me have shown their admiration and respect towards my father and his designs.

The people we are with have decided to have some drinks after dinner. There is live acoustic band and on the other side is a group who enjoy the bonfire while drinking as well.

Paige and Silvio are walking on the shore. Theon was out of my sight.

I sipped on my sangria. I am vibing with the music when I felt Tovar’s hand on my waist.

We are standing in front of the cocktail table for two people. Ang musika ay sumasabay sa hampas ng alon, sa ihip ng hangin, at sa tunog ng mga insekto’t ibon sa paligid. I feel lighter despite the noise.

“Yes?” I turned to him.

Namungay ang mga mata niya. Tapos ay hinaplos niya ang bewang ko na para bang may gusto siyang ipahiwatig.

I suddenly remembered our conversation when we were in the ocean. He said, he’d devour me tonight. How can we do it by the way?

“What do you want?” I chuckled.

Humiwalay siya sa akin. He then grabbed his glass of whisky and sipped on it. I am not sure if I made him offended or what. I didn’t mean that. I am just enjoying the moment.

“Tovar, about what we talked about this afternoon…”

He shook his head. “Nah, forget about it.”

Ako naman ang nadismaya. Handa na sana akong buksan ang topic na ’yon para magawa namin pero nagbago bigla ang isip niya!

I crossed my arms above my chest and lifted an eyebrow at him.

Tinignan niya ako nang may paghahamon sa kanyang mukha.

“What do you mean, forget about it? Huh? You said we will do it tonight. Why are you changing your mind now?”

Did he change his mind because he realized that he didn’t want me? Gano’n ba ’yon? Pagkatapos nang ginawa namin kanina sa dagat? Kakalimutan niya nalang ba ’yon? Samantalang ako, paulit-ulit kong binalikan ang mga sandaling ’yon naming dalawa. Sa kanya, wala lang?

“I’m not changing my mind.”

“Seems like you did.”

Sumimsim ulit siya ng alak nang hindi niya inaalis ang mariin na titig niya sa akin.

I wanted so bad to provoke him to know if he still wants me the way I do. I think I need more alcohol in my system to have some gut to do it.

“I’m not, Verena.”

I like it when he calls my name, but I am not going to appreciate it this time. I’m being aggressive that I want to throw a fit.

“Then why did you tell me to forget about what we talked about?”

“Because it’s not appropriate.”

I swallowed. I understand he’s gentleman and polite. But, he cannot just kill my excitement.

“And what we did in the ocean was appropriate? Hindi rin naman. So what’s the difference?”

Tila ba hindi niya na kinaya ang munting pag-a-alboroto ko kaya muli siyang lumapit sa akin at marahan akong hinapit sa bewang. Wala pa man pero nararamdaman kong susuyuin niya ako.

“I forgot you’re not my girlfriend,” he whispered with husk in his tone.

“So?”

“I am not your boyfriend. You shouldn’t allow me to devour you.”

Umirap ako. Pilit na iniiwasan ang namumungay niyang mga mata na nakatingin sa akin. He’s standing right in front of me. His hands all over my waist. Para kaming marahan na sumasayaw at sumasabay sa musika sa paraan ng aming posisyon.

“When should I allow you then? Kapag boyfriend na kita?”

“Uh-huh.”

Paano? Hindi naman siya nanliligaw sa akin.

“But you’re not courting me!”

“Liligawan kita,” napapaos niyang sabi.

Gusto ko siyang tignan ngunit kinakabahan ako na masilayan niya sa mga mata ko ang galak. Hindi ko mapigilan ang pagbilis ng pintig ng aking puso.

“And once I became your girlfriend, we will do it na?”

Nang sinilip ko siya, nakita ko na nanliliit ang mga mata niya ngunit may munting ngiti na itinatago sa labi. He even had to pursed his lips to suppress a damn smile.

“Verena, this is not all about it. I will court you because I want you to be my girlfriend, but it doesn’t mean we will make out,” para siyang nahihirapan na magpaliwanag sa akin.

I got it. Okay? He wants a relationship with me but making out is not his priority.

But what if I want to make out and kiss? Kailangan ko pa bang paghirapan na makuha ang mga ’yon?

I almost stomped my foot because he’s giving me a hard time. I am not really in heat, but I am already worried with my future arousal moment? What the hell is going on with me, huh?

Hinaplos niya ang bewang ko bilang pangpakalma sa akin. Pero talagang iba ang dating nang ginagawa niya. Nahahalina ako at nasasabik sa kung ano. Kaparehong damdamin na ipinaramdam niya sa akin no’ng nasa dagat kami.

“So, we are not gonna make out?” I asked hopelessly.

Masakit siyang napapikit. Nag isang linya ang labi niya at umigting ang kanyang panga. Ang tila paghihirap sa mukha niya ay nahalinhinan ng pagka-aliw.

I rested my palm on his chest to get his attention. So he’d look at me again.

“Tovar, you know, you can be my boyfriend. We have talked about it, di ba? But what if I like to kiss you? Or I want to make out? We are not going to do it? Why not?”

Humugot siya ng hangin sa dibdib. Mukhang kailangan niya ng mahabang pasensya para lang malinawan ako sa lahat ng mga tanong sa aking isipan.

Namumungay ang mga mata niya nang ibalik ang tingin sa akin.

“Baby, of course, we will kiss and make out…” he paused, because he saw me smiling like an idiot in front of him.

I giggled. Then I bite my lips so that he’d continue talking. Hinaplos ko ang dibdib niya para udyokan siyang magpatuloy pa.

“But our relationship will not be all about kisses and make out, do you understand?”

I attentively nodded my head. “Okay. What else?”

I am so invested hearing his thoughts and views about our relationship. I think, I’d learn a lot from him.

“I want your commitment.”

He will get it. He doesn’t need to worry about it.

“I want your commitment too.”

What else I want from him by the way?

“Hey there, lovers.” I heard Theon’s voice from behind.

I rolled my eyes. Wrong timing of arrival, Monseratte.

“Should I leave? Did I disturb the intimacy?”

I shook my head. “No. We’re done talking.”

It’s Theon Monseratte, I have to be friends with him to get connections as well. Aside from he’s Tovar’s best friend.

“Where have you been?” Tovar asked him.

Hindi pa rin siya lumalayo sa akin. We are not that too close anymore but his hand still on my waist.

“I got a call. I have to fly to Palawan next week to check the location. I have to fix my schedule.”

“Is this for the Alta Real?”

They are talking about the upcoming project. It’s huge though. I’m going to inform my dad about it.

“Yes. Gusto mong sumama? So you can see the area.”

“I’d like to. I’ll have time for that.”

Can I interrupt them? Puwede rin ba akong sumama kahit hindi ako kasali sa trabaho nila? I wanna go to Palawan. I missed seeing the incredible lagoons there. Hindi ko naman sila gagambalain. They can leave me in the hotel. They will do their things and I will do mine.

I looked up to Tovar. Mabilis niya akong napansin. At kahit na hindi ako nagsasalita, para bang nababasa niya ang laman ng isip ko.

“Do you wanna go to Palawan?” He slightly pinched my chin.

I smiled sweetly. “Yes.”

“Oh, so you guys want me to be a third wheel, huh?” Theon chuckled.

Ngumisi ako sa kanya. “I’m not gonna be too sweet and clingy. Para hindi ka mainggit.”

Humalakhak sila pareho.

“Cheers?” I lifted my glass.

They raised their glasses and sipped after.

The next day, we have prepared early to leave.

Paige yawned. I had no idea what time she went to the bed.

“What time did you get back?” I asked while putting my clothes inside my bag.

“Passed twelve midnight, Ma’am.”

“Were you drunk?”

“Not really. Just tipsy.”

“Can you still drive?”

Paige gave me a two thumbs up. “Oo naman. Kayang-kaya.”

Tumango ako at nagpatuloy na sa pagliligpit. Kaunti lang ang damit na dala ko. Enough to fit in BMW motorcycle top box. I am ready for another long ride. I slept deep and long. I am well rested.

I ride behind Tovar and wrapped my arms around him. While we were on the road, I couldn’t help but to feel happy. I get to experience one of his hobbies. I look forward to do other things with him and make more adventures with him.

When I got home, I am exhausted. Pagod akong sumalampak sa kama ko pagkatapos kong maligo. Narinig ko ang katok ni Mechita.

“Ma’am Verena, gusto mo bang kumain?”

“Opo. Can you cook some soup for me?”

“Sige, Ma’am. Chicken soup?”

“That will do. Salamat.”

My parents are not home yet. Ang sabi ni Mechita ay may pinuntahan lang at biglaan. I kept my parents updated during our trip so they won’t worry. I also sent them photos from Zambales.

Verena: Mom, I’m home. Where are you and dad?

I sent that message. Then I read my friends’ messages on our group chat.

Ember: Take care you two. Let us know when you’re home.

Yukio: Ang saya! Can we join next time?

Ember: But we don’t have motorcycle. We don’t even know how to drive that.

Yukio: Pwede naman na umangkas din? Like what Verena did.

Ember: Kanino naman?

Yukio: Sa bodyguard ni Architect.

That’s Silvio!

Ember: Ako ang a-angkas sa kanya. Kay Paige ka umangkas.

Yukio: No! Ikaw ang kay Paige because you are both girls. Then I’m gonna angkas kay… what is his name by the way?

I typed a reply.

Verena: I am home. Silvio is the name of Tovar’s bodyguard. Maybe next time you can join us. But first, you guys need to learn how to angkas.

Ember: I’m willing to learn as long as kay Silvio ako a-angkas.

Yukio: Did you learn how to angkas? Who taught you?

Verena: Tovar and Paige taught me.

Bumangon ako at nagpunta sa kitchen. Mechita is now preparing my chicken soup.

“Saan nagpunta sila mommy at daddy?”

Napatingin siya sa akin. “H-hindi nagsabi.”

“Mom doesn’t reply.”

“Ang daddy mo?”

“Oh, I’m gonna text him again.”

I quickly typed a message for my father.

Verena: Dad, I’m home na po. Where are you and mom? Please reply if you can.

“Kumusta ang rides niyo, Ma’am?”

“Masaya. Nakakapagod. My butt hurts. But I am happy I got to experience it.”

“Adventurous pala si Architect Tovar, ano?”

Tumango ako. “He also does scuba diving. Next time, we will do it.”

I blow my soup to cool it down.

“Nanlilligaw na ba sa ’yo?”

Ngumisi ako bilang sagot dahilan kung bakit napapalakpak si Mechita.

“Bagay na bagay kayo ni Architect!”

Ang sabi ni Tovar, liligawan niya ako. Hindi ko lang alam kung kailan?

I fell asleep that night without hearing back from my parents. I woke up next morning and checked if they have message. I was relieved to read my dad’s name.

Dad: We are here at your grandparents’ house. Biglaan lang anak. We’ll be back.

Verena: Morning, dad. I haven’t heard from mom. Call me when you can. Say hello from me to lola and lolo.

I went to the university that day to attend meeting and orientation about our graduation. I have my friends too and we spend time in a Cafe.

Ikinuwento ko sa kanila ang mga nangyari sa hiking at sa rides namin. Gusto nilang sumama sa susunod para lang makita kaming magkasama ni Tovar. Bukod pa roon, interesado sila kay Silvio.

“Okay, I’m gonna introduce both of you to Silvio. But you guys should behave.”

“I’m behave kaya.” Ember even flipped her hair in a flirty way.

“How is he? Masungit ba? Di ba, usually, bodyguards are masungit.” Yukio was curious.

“Well, he’s silent most of the time. But I noticed he got along well with Paige.”

They are both dramatically sighed.

“Naunahan na tayo ni Paige!”

“Nope. Hindi ’yon type ni Paige,” Ember hissed.

“Who knows?” I trailed. “They seems close. Si Silvio ang nag aya kay Paige sa rides. I joined lang with Tovar.”

“Marami pa namang iba diyan.”

“Next time I see Tovar, aayain ko kayo.”

“Make sure that Silvio will be there too, huh? Please?”

Our kulitan went on and on until I noticed that it’s getting dark already. We bid our goodbyes.

I missed my parents presence in our house though. Hindi ako sanay na hindi sila nakikita kapag uuwi ako. Madalas si mommy ang sumasalubong sa akin.

I called Tovar while staring blankly in our swimming pool.

“Hello, did I disturb you?” I croaked.

“No. I just finished work.”

“I called because… I missed my parents. They are not here. I just wanna share this with you.”

“Where are they?”

Hindi ko pala nasabi sa kanya ang tungkol dito.

“At my grandparents’ house. But they said they will be back soon.”

I sighed. Puntahan ko nalang kaya sila?

“Do you want me to visit you tonight?”

Napangiti ako. Bigla akong sumigla.

“Sige! You can have dinner here. What do you want to eat? Mechita is a very good cook.”

“I will eat whatever you want to eat, Verena.”

“Alright. I’m gonna decide. Are you going straight here from work?”

“I can.”

“Please?”

He laughed a bit. “Okay. I’m leaving soon.”

I can feel my excitement to see him again after a few days.

“Let me know when you’re on your way here, okay?”

“I will, baby.” He muttered gently.

CHAPTER 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

My parents are not back yet. Nagpaalam ako sa kanila na sasama ako kay Tovar at Theon sa Palawan. Pumayag sila kaagad. They didn’t ask me questions and I found it odd.

I prepared my things to bring. Tovar will pick me up later. Gabi ang flight namin. I didn’t even think about where I’m going to sleep. I just let Tovar do the bookings. I’m too occupied about my parents absence. They are not like that. Kapag aalis sila, sinasama nila ako palagi. I was just thinking that maybe they wanted a quality time for themselves. Especially my dad has been very busy these days.

“Ma’am, mag text ka rin sa akin, ha? Para alam ko ang nangyayari sa ’yo. Kailan ba ang balik mo?” Hinatid ako ni Mechita sa pinto.

“I will text you. I’m going to stay in Palawan for two nights.”

Tumango-tango siya. Hawak niya ang handle ng maleta ko. It’s a carry-on suitcase.

Tovar’s Audi arrived on time. He kissed my cheek and greeted Mechita.

“Mag ingat kayong dalawa! Have a safe flight! Text mo ako, Ma’am, huh?” Mechita seems emotional for some reason.

While my parents are away, Tovar consistently visited me during dinner. I always invited him and he’s very giving to me.

Malungkot pa rin ako na malayo ang magulang ko sa akin. Ganito rin siguro ang nararamdaman nila kapag umaalis ako. Kaya mas lalo ko silang naiintindihan.

Theon was already waiting for us inside the lounge of a private runway. We won’t take commercial flights.

Bumeso ako sa kanya bilang normal na pagbati sa kaibigan. I am not sure if he has a girlfriend or none, but he’s alone also this time. No woman with him. He must be single.

The helicopter took off and I enjoyed myself looking down the city lights of Metro Manila. Tila mga bituin ang mga ’yon na kumikislap ngunit nasa ibabang bahagi ng mundo.

I hugged Tovar’s arm and rested my head on it. Napapansin ko na nasasanay ako sa gano’n na kilos sa tuwing magkatabi kami. Mabuti nalang at hindi siya nagrereklamo. Kahit anong kapit ko sa kanya, ilang beses man ’yon, wala akong narinig na pagtutol galing sa kanya.

I felt him kissed the top of my head before he rested his palm on my forearms that wrapped around his arm.

We are not yet officially in a relationship, but it felt like we already was by the way we treated each other. I think, I liked him romantically. I just need to make sure that my feelings are real before I’d tell him. But, he needs to confess first before me.

A black Alphard was waiting near the airstrip of San Vicente, Palawan. We hopped in. The driver with two bodyguards took us to the beach resort there.

The resort’s staffs are very welcoming. They gave us a welcome drinks too. I realized that some of Theon’s employees and other engineers are already at the resort. They arrived earlier today.

“Sir Theon, welcome back!” They greeted him too. “Good evening, Architect, and MissVerena! Welcome!”

“Good evening,” I greeted back with same energy as them.

The staffs guided us to our villa with veranda. I am not tired though. Sa katunayan pa nga ay gusto ko pang magpunta sa beach bar, nakita ko kasi na bukas pa ’yon at may iilan na guests ang naroon. Siguro roon din galing ang mga sumalubong sa amin kanina sa lobby.

The room is quite big with king-sized bed. The interior has a touch of Filipino and Balinese style. The ambiance is very tropical. It’s suited with the climate of this town.

I sat at the edge of the bed while watching Tovar pulling some papers from his bag. He’s staring at those papers which I am sure is all about the designs and anything that involved architectures.

I don’t wanna distract him. I made myself contented by watching him being busy with the things that he’s very passionate about. Para siyang si daddy, nawawalan ng paki sa paligid kapag kaharap na ang landscape designs, structures, and blueprints.

I pulled out my iPhone from my Celine beach bag and took a stolen photo of him. He’s sporting a navy blue collared polo shirt and black pants. His leather belt is wrapping around his torso in a very manly way.

“Sorry ’bout that. I just have to check something,” he gave me his full attention after a while.

I smiled to tell him that I understand him. After all, we are there for work and not really for a short vacation.

“It’s fine. I like watching you though.”

Sumilay ang ngiti sa labi niya. He then bent in front of me while resting his both hands on the space on my sides. Our close distance made my heart pounded.

“Do you wanna rest or you wanna get some snacks?”

“How ’bout drinks?” Maligaya kong sinabi.

Nag-isip siya saglit. Tapos nanliliit ang mga mata niya.

“You shouldn’t get drunk. Otherwise you’d give me a hard time tonight.”

I pursed my lips. What is he talking about? I’m not gonna get drunk. I just want some drinks before we go to bed. Alam ko naman na hindi rin siya puwedeng uminom ng marami dahil may gagawin sila bukas.

Paano ba ’yon? Sasama ba ako sa kanila o hihintayin ko nalang sila? What if they would take so long to come back? I don’t wanna be alone even if there’s a beach here. Should I go island hopping by myself?

“I’m not gonna give you a hard time. I’m behave.”

“I hope so.”

Itinagilid ko ang aking ulo habang hindi binibitawan ang titig ko sa mukha niya. He’s too close I can even smell his minty breath.

Malalim ang kanyang mga mata. At kapag ganito kami kalapit sa isa’t isa, mas nadedepina ang kulay niyon. His ebony eye color are perfectly matched with his thick eyebrows. His sculpted jawline gave him a more masculine appearance. Prominent and very attractive.

I lifted my hand to touch his jaw. The roughness from his growing stubbles tickled my soft palm.

“I’d have juice nalang and some snacks.”

He nods his head. “We will sleep early.”

It’s only ten in the evening though. Well, we can sleep before midnight.

“What if I can’t sleep?” Because… it is my first time to sleep in bed with him.

“I’ll make you sleepy then.”

“How?” I hide the grin on my face.

He licked his lower lips, making it wet. Making it inviting… like he wants me to kiss it.

Iniwas ko ang tingin sa kanyang labi at ibinalik sa mga mata niya. Hindi dapat ako magpa-apekto kaagad sa hindi sinasadyang pang-aakit.

“Are you gonna devour me?” I teased.

Nanliit ulit ang mga mata niya na para bang inaakusahan ako sa kung anong kasalanan at kapilyahan na nagawa ko.

“No,” his voice was rough.

Sumimangot ako. Kunyari ay offended kahit hindi naman. I’m just messing with him.

“Let’s go na? Have some juice and bring some snacks here for later.”

We went to the beach bar just to see what’s going on there and what it’s looked like. The guests there are foreigners. We left and walked to the restaurant to order juice and snacks to bring to our villa.

While Tovar was busy with the maps of the location they are going to check tomorrow, I am eating my French fries and sipping on my fresh mango juice. Hindi ko maipaliwanag na kahit hindi niya ako kinakausap, kuntento pa rin ako na nakikita lang siya at nasa tabi ko.

Gano’n din kaya ang nararamdaman niya sa akin?

“What’s that?” I asked quietly.

“It’s a map and masterplan.”

“Of what?”

“Of a Hotel & Resort that will be built in this town.”

“I see. Uh, about tomorrow, are you gonna leave me here?”

Ibinigay niya sa akin ang kanyang atensyon.

“Do you wanna come with us?”

Hindi pa siya tapos magsalita pero tumango-tango na ako.

“Kung pwede? I will behave. I’m not gonna distract you guys. I swear!” I even lifted my hand to make a promise that I won’t disturb them while they’re working.

“You can come.”

“Yes! Thank you! You’re so bait to me!”

He smirked.

“Give me some,” he pointed my french fries.

I immediately picked one and feed him.

Uminit ang pisngi ko sa ginawa ko. It was my first time to feed him. Parang wala lang sa kanya pero malaking bagay ’yon sa akin.

I shared my snacks with him and even my juice! It was like we kissed indirectly.

“I’m gonna take a shower and go to bed. Ikaw?” Tumayo ako para maghanda ng maligo.

“I’ll finish this first.”

“Okay.”

I pulled out my nude Victoria’s Secret satin sleepwear and lingerie. Then go to the shower room. I was quick because I still need to blow dry my hair. I am looking in front of the mirror while drying my long wavy hair.

I have almond-shaped eyes with natural curled tint eyelashes, which I think is the most attractive part of my face. Then a turned up nose that pretty matched with my plum lips. My warm skin tone is radiant and fair like milk. I can see the thin veins on my cheeks too. My soft jawline is considered as a sign of feminine elegance.

I always think I am beautiful the way I am. I don’t need to change anything in my face. I am contented with the way I look.

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa aking suot. It’s a satin mini slip dress. It was my normal sleepwear. I didn’t know I’m gonna sleep with Tovar tonight. Sana nagdala ako ng mas desente na pangtulog.

I whimpered. I hope he won’t think that I’m seducing him. Because I looked like I am about to lure him in bed with me!

Before I go out, I took a deep breath. I need to calm down. Ako lang naman siguro ang nag-i-isip na para ko siyang inaakit?

“I’m done,” I announced, making him glanced at my direction.

Uminit agad ang aking pisngi nang pasadahan ng mga mata niya ang buong katawan ko. I saw how his eyes darkened at the sight of me.

“I don’t have other sleepwear.” I sounded defensive!

Tovar sighed.

Medyo nakatalikod siya sa akin kaya hindi ko makita ang itsura niya. Pero sa paraan ng kanyang pagbuntonghininga niya, may nagpapahirap yata sa kanya.

“Are you comfortable wearing that?” His voice was raspy.

“Yes. This is my normal sleepwear.”

“Okay then. Don’t be bothered.”

Siya lang naman ang iniisip ko. Baka hindi niya gusto itong suot ko. I’m just going to cover my body with comforter so that he won’t see me.

Naglakad ako palapit sa kanya para humingi ng halik bago matulog. Yumukod ako sa harap niya, I then patted my cheek using my forefinger.

“How about a good night kiss, Architect?” I smiled sweetly at him.

I saw him leered. Then sighed again for the ninth times. I hope I am not making him that stressed.

He moved closer to give me a peck on the cheek.

“Here pa,” and then I turned my other cheek for him to kiss too.

Marahan siyang natawa. Tapos ay maingat niya akong dinala patungo sa kandungan niya. Animo nawalan ako ng lakas na nagpatangay sa kanya.

I crossed my arms above my chest while I’m sitting on his lap. He doesn’t care about my weight though.

“You like kisses, huh?” The tip of his nose is on my shoulder blades.

I gulped. My heart is beating wildly again. I didn’t know what will happen next but I am sure I’m gonna like it.

“Only kisses coming from you.”

His palm rested above my exposed thighs. I trembled a bit.

“But I am not your boyfriend…” he has started to caress my creamy skin.

Kinagat ko ang labi para lang pigilan kahit pansamantala ang nakakahibong damdamin dulot ng mga haplos niya sa hita ko at masusuyong halik sa aking balikat at leeg.

“Dapat ba boyfriend muna bago maghalikan? We can kiss if we both want too.”

“I wanna be your boyfriend,” his deep baritone always sounds sensual for me.

Ibinagsak ko ang tingin sa kanya. He’s busy kissing and smelling my neck. Napapaangat ako sa kandungan niya sa tuwing nararamdaman ko ang lapat ng labi niya sa aking balat. Hindi ako napapaso, pero nagbibigay ’yon ng init ng pananabik.

Do we really need to make this thing takes too long? When in fact we can already decide to be in a relationship. I am sure we both like it. Doon din naman ang bagsak namin, di ba? Bakit ba papatagalin ko pa?

“Then, be my boyfriend.” I decided.

It made him stunned for a bit. Itinigil niya ang ginagawa niya sa aking leeg para lang maharap niya ako ng maayos.

Ibinigay ko sa kanya ang atensyon na gusto niya. I am pretty serious about having him as my boyfriend. I don’t need to wait for so long to make it happen. We shouldn’t waste time, right? Every second in this world is significant. People just don’t realized it. They will only realize the importance of something or someone if they lost them already. And I’m not gonna wait for that day.

“Are you sure about this?”

Nakatingala siya sa akin. Malamlam ang mga mata niya.

Tumango ako at ngumisi. “If you want me to be your girlfriend, then, let’s make our relationship official.”

“Baby, don’t play with me like this,” malambing na sabi niya.

Sa tingin niya ay naglalaro lang ako. Hindi naman. I want him and he wants me. So, what we’re going to do then? Wait? Until when?

“I don’t play. I like you to be my boyfriend, Architect Tovar Lewis Pontevedra.”

Namungay ang mga mata niya. Matagal niya akong tinitigan.

I hide the smile on my lips because I don’t want him to think that I am not serious. My heart is thumping.

Hinaplos ko ang panga niya, tila tahimik na panghahalina na pumayag siya sa gusto kong mangyari sa aming dalawa.

“I will still continue courting you…” he trailed. “Even if we are already in a relationship.”

Para akong nanalo at nakamit ang tagumpay sa sinabi niya. Sumilay ang ngiti sa akin.

So, we are now officially boyfriend and girlfriend? For real?

Sa sobrang galak ko, hinalikan ko siya sa labi. And it was my first kiss!

“Boyfriend na kita?” Masaya kong tanong.

“Yeah. And you’re my girlfriend.”

He angled his head to give me a passionate kiss. It wasn’t quick. His lips stayed on mine. It made me close my eyes. I want his kisses… I want him… all of him.

I moaned when he inserted his tongue inside my mouth. I was surprised and at the same time thrilled. I didn’t know how to kiss. I just moved my lips, trying to mimicked what he’s doing.

Napahawak ako sa kanyang balikat nang maramdaman ko ang palad niya na humahaplos pataas sa aking tiyan. He then slid his hand under my sleepwear.

“Mmmm…” I whimpered softly as I felt his palm on my breast.

I got distracted. Iminulat ko ang aking mga mata para makita ang ginagawa niya. His hand is massaging my breast in a tender way. His large palm fit on my boob. Para akong nililiyaban sa init na aking nararamdaman.

His lips urged me to move again. So I did. I resumed kissing him back despite not knowing if I was doing it right. Hinayaan ko ang sarili na malunod sa matatamis niyang mga halik.

“Uhh… mmm…” my body heated up because of the way his fingers pinched my twin peak alternately, he was making them hard.

I ran out of breath that I needed to gasp for air. His lips made its way to my neck. Tumingala ako para lang bigyan siya ng laya sa parteng ’yon. Nakakahibang ang sensasyon.

The strap of my slip dress fall off my shoulders. Giving him a view of my cleavage.

Pinanood ko siya nang halikan niya ang aking balikat pababa sa ibabaw ng aking dibdib. I bite the inside of my cheek to suppress the moan. I didn’t want him to stop. My moan could interrupt him and I don’t want that to happen.

My lips parted when I felt my nipple covered with his hot mouth. His hand is under my boob as he squeezes it lightly. Bumuhos ang napakatinding pananabik sa akin. At tila ba sinusunog ako ng hindi nakikitang apoy na bumabalot sa amin.

“Mmmm! Uuhh…” I gripped on his hair as he continued to suck my hard nipple.

Tumingala ako at dinama ang kaluguran na sumakop sa akin. I didn’t know that this kind of pleasure could take away my sanity. I am panting and moaning. My skin gets very sensitive with his touch.

“Tovar…” my voice sounded like I was begging.

His finger found my flesh. The sensation was almost taken me away from reality. I know how wet I am. He knew it too. I was soaking his fingers like what happened when we were in the ocean.

“Baby, I wanna taste you,” his tone was very raspy.

Nakakalasing ang ligaya at ang init. My body is aching and burning. I suddenly want more from him. I do not know what else he could offer, but I’m willing to accept anything from him.

“Now?” I was breathless.

“Yeah. Now.” He planted a kiss on my lips.

He then carried me and put me on the bed. I closed my eyes when he removed my lingerie and parted my legs wide. I gritted my teeth, the anticipation is thrilling me.

I moaned like crazy and reached for his head when I felt his hot tongue flicking against my flesh.

CHAPTER 8

CHAPTER

EIGHT

I woke up next morning with a heavy arm around my waist. Nagising ng husto ang aking diwa nang makita ko si Tovar na mahimbing na natutulog sa aking tabi. Watching him made me remembered what we did last night. I closed my eyes again. Did we really do it?

We just have our relationship official. We kissed and made out on the sofa while I was sitting on his lap. Then he brought me to the bed, parted my legs, and positioned himself in between my thighs.

The memories were lucid. Halos matikman ko ulit ang kaluguran na ipinaramdam niya sa akin. I could almost hear my moans and sweet begging while he was flicking his tongue against my femininity. He didn’t stop until I screamed in pleasure.

I swallowed hard. We really did it. I allowed him to taste the most private part of my body. I even urged him to keep doing it because I was clouded by extreme lust. I never experienced that kind of pleasure—it was like a wildfire that seeped through me. The burning sensation has left a burned mark not only in my skin, but also in my mind.

Sigurado ako na ang nangyari sa amin ay mananatili sa isip ko kahit siguro mahabang panahon pa ang lumipas. Iyon ang unang beses na naranasan ko ang gano’ng klaseng kaluguran—na may nagliliyab na apoy. Bagamat hindi nakakapaso, ngunit nag-iwan naman ng init sa aking katawan.

Tovar moves and embraces me tighter. He still wants to sleep even though I can already see the reflection of the morning sunlight through the windows.

I carefully grabbed my phone on the side table to check the time. It’s already six in the morning. Ang plano ay pagkatapos ng almusal magpupunta sa lokasyon kung saan itatayo ang isang luxury Hotel & Resort.

I don’t usually check messages early in the morning, but I saw my dad’s reply to my messages.

Verena: The luxury Hotel & Resort will be built here in San Vicente, Palawan. We are with other engineers to check the location.

Dad: Take a photo of the map and site plan, then send to me.

Muli kong ipinikit ang aking mga mata ngunit dumilat ulit dahil rumirihistro sa isip ko ang ginawa namin kagabi. Pagkatapos kong maabot ang dulo ng ligaya, umakyat ang mga halik ni Tovar sa aking dibdib. I remember watching him sensually sucking both of my nipples.

Kinagat ko ang aking labi. Paano ko siya makakalimutan? Kung gano’n katinding kaluguran ang ipinaranas niya sa akin?

Gumalaw ulit siya sa aking tabi. This time, he slid his palm under my slip dress and rested it on my boob. Napalunok ako dahil ang aga-aga, gusto niya yata akong sakupin ulit ng init.

Sinilip ko siya. Nakapikit ang mga mata niya pero alam kong gising na rin siya. Maybe he’s trying to sleep more, but couldn’t.

“Mornin’,” his bedroom voice is raspy.

“Good morning.”

“Do you wanna get up?”

We still have time, I think. Ayos lang naman sa akin kung hihiga pa kami ng ilang minuto. Komportable naman ako sa tabi niya. If he wants to lay down and cuddle, I’ll be fine with that. Gusto ko rin naman na nakayakap siya sa akin.

“What time we need to have breakfast?”

“At seven.”

“Well, we must get up soon.”

Tovar pulled me closer to him then buried his face on my neck.

Hinawakan ko ang braso niya niya na nakadagan sa ibabaw ng tiyan ko. His forearms were matted with thin hair that tickled my palm.

Tahimik kami pareho. Ilang sandali rin na kalmadong magkayakap bago nagdesisyon na bumangon na. I was the one who took a shower first.

I’m wearing a white halter neck top, denim jeans and Gucci white sneakers. While I’m doing my morning fresh make up, Tovar is taking a shower.

I apply a lipgloss on my lips then get my phone again to check my emails. But I suddenly remember dad’s last message. Tumayo ako at tinignan sa lamesa ang map at site plan. I took a photo of those and sent to him. He must be interested about the project. I hope he could do something to be part of the architectural or landscape designs.

Naabutan ako ni Tovar na nakatingin sa map.

I just discovered that the project will be the most luxurious 5-star Hotel and Resort in Palawan with land size of 50 hectares. It is between the hill and sea. Upland and beach front. I could imagine tropical modern villas built on the hill with ocean view, then suites in front of the beach.

Ngumiti ako sa kanya at itinuro ang map.

“I’m amazed how big the luxury Hotel & Resort will be. I can already imagine the landscapes of the villas and suites.”

The white towel is dangerously wrapped around his torso. Giving me a view of his impressive upper body and the shadow of the bulge in between his thighs. I know exactly what’s behind the fabric. My mind and body is not that pure anymore.

Ang bawat hakbang niya palapit sa akin ay nakakasindak at nakaka-excite din. Kahit na seryoso ang itsura niya at medyo magkasalubong ang mga kilay, wala akong kaba na maramdaman.

He masterly rolled the map and site plan. He put them inside his black leather bag.

“Uh, I didn’t mean to look at those. I’m sorry.” I apologized sincerely.

Probably, the details are confidential. It’s not for everyone’s eyes. I understand it. I shouldn’t do that. But it was already late to regret.

“It’s okay. I know you’re just curious.”

“I am. Seeing an actual maps or site plan will help me get more knowledge about architecture.”

He’s wearing his pants confidently in front of me. Iniwas ko ang tingin sa kanya bago pa kung saan umabot ang aking mga mata. He zipped it and leave the button open. He then bowed his head a bit and dry his hair with a towel while he’s topless and just a meter away from me.

“Let me know your thoughts when you see the location.” He told me.

That made me smile. I’m now excited to see the area personally. I will took photos too so I can study it and imagine if I were the Architect, how would I design it? What would I do to the landscapes? And where I’d build the villas, cabanas or suites, pools, and even the restaurants?

Sabay-sabay kaming nag almusal. We are about less than twenty people including drivers and security. I was surprise to see all of them this morning. There are Engineers, Architects, and various construction professionals.

“Architect Phil is really great. He’s one of my inspirations when I was studying.” One of the Architects told me.

“Right! I have seen his portfolio and everything is spectacular!”

I feel humbled and honored to be the daughter of my father. I know, many young Architects were admiring him. Because even my classmates, they are fascinated with my dad’s designs.

Nang marating namin ang lokasyon, yumakap agad sa akin ang simoy ng hangin. The 14-kilometer long beach is seen from where I am standing. I have discovered that San Vicente—an underrated coastal town in Palawan has the longest stretch of white sand in the Philippines. The crystal bluish water is astonishing.

I took some photos and videos to send to my parents and friends like what I normally do whenever I was traveling. I turned my body back to the people I am with. Some groups are checking the land, trees, and plants. Some are looking at the map. The three bodyguards in gray uniformed are observing around.

I saw Theon and Tovar with other Engineers studying the map on their hands.

My boyfriend is sporting another white Ralph Lauren T-shirt that hugs his body and arms, looking so fresh and so fine, I couldn’t believe he’s mine. Due to the bright sunlight, he has to put on his aviator which empathized his pointed nose and prominent jawline.

Hindi ko akalain na masaya pala sa pakiramdam na pagmasdan siyang gawin ang mga bagay na gusutng-gusto niya. Kahit na kanina niya pa ako hindi pinapansin, kuntento pa rin ako. I admired him more. I love seeing him doing his own thing and focused with his passion. I don’t wanna disturb him.

“Miss Verena, water?” Engineer Conrad handed me a bottled water.

Kinuha ko ’yon. “Thank you, Engineer.”

They are very polite. All of them. They addressed people professionally with manners.

“Engineer Conrad,” I heard Tovar.

Ibinalik ko ang tingin sa kanya. He’s looking on our direction. He motioned the man in front of me to join them. That made Conrad leave me alone again.

I waved cutely at my boyfriend using my fingers. “Do you want water?” I asked.

“Later, baby,” he said, making everyone heard his endearment for me.

Uminit ang pisngi ko. Lalo pa noong tumingin sa akin ang lahat. Ang ilang babae na kasama namin ay nagtuksuhan at bahagyang nagtulakan pa. Para silang mga bulate na inasinan.

Tinignan ko ang pinaka itaas na bahagi ng lupa. The elevation is quite high. But for sure, they can still build villas or rooms there. I took some photos to show my dad. I am always curious about his way of thinking and how he beautifully creates a structures and designs from the scratch.

I walked towards the shades of the trees because I feel the sun is hurting my skin already. I put on my Prada sunglasses. My arms are very exposed because of my white halter neck top.

Lumapit sa akin si Tovar makalipas ang ilan pang sandali.

“Are you okay?” He asked tenderly.

Ngumiti ako at tumango. “Yes. I love watching you focused with the things that you’re passionate about.”

I gave him my bottled water. Kinuha niya naman ’yon at uminom din doon.

“We’ll leave soon. Do you wanna do something when we get to our villa?”

Alam ko naman ang ibig niyang sabihin. Marami pa kaming oras sa araw na ’yon at puwede namin gawin ang gusto ko. Pero iba ang naiisip kong gagawin. Maybe I am becoming naughty!

I can imagine us again inside our villa. I was moaning while his head was in between my thighs. Kahit sa sarili kong pag-iisip, na-i-iskandalo ako.

“You’re blushing…” he glided his thumb gently on my cheek.

“Uh, it’s because of the sun I think.”

That was only my reason so I won’t embarrassed myself in front of him. But deep inside, I am blushing because of the bold and scandalous images of us in my mind.

He adjusted his aviator to see me clearly. I saw his eyes stopped on my cleavage.

“Fuck…” he cursed under his breath.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako kinabahan. I slowly look down on my chest and my face was like burning when I saw a red mark. I have noticed kiss marks on my breasts this morning, but I didn’t realized one of them would show up today.

“I have few on my breasts though.” I shrugged my shoulders.

I swallowed hard when an image of him flashed in my mind–kissing and sucking my boobs last night. Iniwas ko agad ang tingin sa kanya kahit pa titig na titig siya sa akin. Sigurado ako na namumula ang pisngi ko dahil ang init ay umaapoy.

“Sorry ’bout that.”

“It’s okay. I liked what we did last night.”

He chuckled heartily. “I know. My baby moaned until midnight.”

Pakiramdam ko, pinagpapawisan na rin ako. Gusto kong mainis sa kanya dahil halata naman na tinutukso niya ako. Pero para saan pa? Totoo naman ang sinabi niya.

Sumimangot ako at ibinallik ang tingin sa kanya. Behind me were big plants while his back was facing the bluish ocean. The warm sunlight is striking against our direction.

“You’re such a licker.” I made my voice almost a whisper.

“I can’t resist you. You were too seductive last night.”

I smirked. His words were like a booster to my confidence.

“Maybe I’ll just wear your t-shirt tonight?”

“If you want…”

That will be comfy. Gano’n nalang siguro ang gagawin ko mamayang gabi. Para maiwasan namin ang nag-aapoy na tukso sa pagitan naming dalawa.

“Architect, alis na daw po tayo.” Tawag sa kanya ng ilang kasama namin.

Tovar nods his head. Hinawakan niya ang aking kamay at yumukod para lang halikan ang labi ko. Dahilan kung bakit kumalabog ang aking dibdib. I didn’t expect him kissing me right there.

Nang makabalik na kami sa beach resort, nagpahinga muna kami sa aming villa.

“I wanna go to the beach later today. I heard they have pretty sunset here.”

Tovar is on his MacBook. Nagtatrabaho pa rin siya kapag may oras siya.

I sat next to him and hugged his arm. I said, I won’t disturb him while he’s working, but I cannot control myself being physically close to him. His muscled arms are huggable.

“We will. Let’s me answer some emails. Then we will have lunch.”

While he’s typing, his arms moved. They pressed against my breasts. I didn’t have plan to do naughty things this afternoon, but I am too affected by his movements. And I know he felt my boobs too.

“Tovar…” I called without a certain reason why.

He groaned like I am giving him a hard time again.

“How many days your kiss marks on my breasts will fade?” I innocently asked.

“A few days, I guess.”

“How did you exactly make kiss mark?”

Marahan siyang natawa sa tanong ko. “Why?”

Sumilay ang pilyang ngiti sa akin. Kung kaya niyang iwanan ng pulang marka ang aking balat, dapat kaya ko rin gawin ’yon sa kanya.

“Just answer.”

“I sucked your skin as longer as I can.”

May kung anong guhit ng kiliti ang naramdaman ko sa pagitan ng aking mga hita nang mailarawan ko sa aking isip ang ginawa niya sa aking dibdib kagabi.

“The soft part of my skin?”

“Yeah.”

“Only sa breasts?”

“Did you check your inner thighs?” He asked in husk.

Kinagat ko ang aking labi. We have cold air-conditioned, yet I feel like my body is about to taste the fire hidden between us.

“Not yet. Did you leave kiss marks too?”

“Let’s me see?” He closed his MacBook and faced me.

Gumapang agad ang palad niya sa aking hita. Wala pa man din siyang ginagawang makakapagpainit sa akin ng husto, ngunit nasasabik na ako.

“Do you wanna see it again?”

“Why not?”

Isinubsob ko ang aking mukha sa kanyang braso dahil hindi ko kayang makipagtitigan sa kanya habang ganito ang pinag-uusapan namin. I don’t want him to see me blushing so bad.

“You can see. What are you going to do next?”

He caressed my thin arm. Tila siya may ipinapahiwatig sa akin at alam ko agad kung ano ’yon.

“What do you want me to do next? Hmm?”

“Uh, can we do it again?”

Ang labi niya ay nagtagal sa aking sintido.

“Next time, I’ll book you your own room.”

Ang nag-iinit na apoy sa aking katawan ay biglang nalusaw. Daig ko pa ang binuhusan ng malamig na tubig.

“Why? You don’t want to sleep next to me? I don’t snore. I am not malikot din!” Halos magkasalubong ang mga kilay ko.

“Of course I like to sleep next to you—”

“Then, do not book me another room when we do over nights!”

Bumuntonghininga siya.

“It feels like you are shooing me away. What’s the use of being together if we are not gonna sleep in one bed, huh?”

“Are you mad?” He whispered near my ear.

“I am not mad. I just want to sleep next to you. Do not book me another room. If you ever did, that’s when I’m gonna get mad and will break up with you!”

“Woah, woah,” he sounded alarmed and amused at the same time.

Umirap ako at niyakap lalo ang kanyang braso.

“If you don’t want us to split-up, do not do what I don’t want you to do!”

Ang tunog ng munting tawa niya ay halatang naaaliw sa akin.

“You really know how to wrap me around your fingers, huh?” He kissed my head again.

“Let’s cuddle in bed.” I croaked softly.

“Sure. As long as no kissing, no sucking and licking.” He teased.

I grimaced. “I don’t want a boring bed with you.”

“Really?” He sarcastically muttered then harshly carried me towards the bed.

Humalakhak ako dahil para bang na-offend ko siya. Wala naman ’yon sa plano ko. I was just teasing him back.

My boyfriend positioned himself above me. I cupped his jaw and smiled sweetly at him.

“It’s too early to have sex though. We just have our official relationship last night.” I kept on teasing him.

He leaned and planted gentle kisses on my face.

“How about kissing, licking, and sucking you? So you won’t say that I’m boring in bed.”

Lalo akong tumawa. “I didn’t mean that, Tovar. You have proven to me last night that you’re not boring in bed. Come on, I was just messing with you.”

“Nah, you just bruised my ego,” he playfully muttered and felt him removing down my pants.

I gasped but I allowed him. I even helped him remove my pants completely.

“What are you gonna do? Lick me again?” Tukso ko sa kanya habang hinahaplos ang kanyang panga.

“Yeah, and make you moan until sunset comes.”

I took a deep breath in anticipation as I guided his head going down to my parted legs.

“Tovar, I’m just playing, you know…” I giggled when he buried his head on my femininity.

My giggles were replaced by moans when he has started to please me again.

“Mmm… Tovar…”

I gripped on his hair when I felt the tip of his tongue plays with my little nub. He’s really, really, expert in doing that. It was like a pleasurable torture especially when he sucked that sensitive part of my private part. My thighs were shaking a bit while I was whimpering.

He did it so quick! Mas tinagalan niya pa ang pagsipsip niya sa bahaging ’yon kaya naman napapasigaw talaga ako sa tindi ng kaluguran na aking nararamdaman.

“Tovar! Aahh, you suck hard! I am about to… mmm!” My body convulsed when I reached that earth-shattering climax.

I am still panting but he’s not done yet. Talagang papanindigan niya na hanggang lumubog ang araw ay gagawin niya sa akin ito.

“Oh, please….” I cried in pleasure when I felt his tongue poking my tight entrance.

CHAPTER 9

CHAPTER NINE

I felt it. I sensed it. Something was not right with my parents. I can’t just figure out what it was. I didn’t have the power to know what they were doing behind my back. I just sense that they were hiding a thing from me.

I have noticed the odd feeling when I asked for a video call, I only see my father. Though sometimes, I talked to my mother through calls. For some strange reason, she didn’t want video calls. I didn’t even see my grandparents nor didn’t talk to them. When in fact, my parents said they were staying in their house.

Natanto ko na talagang may itinatago sila sa akin noong si daddy lang ang umuwi sa amin.

“Where’s mom?” I asked after I kissed his cheek.

Hindi siya makatingin sa akin ng deretso. Bukod pa roon, napansin ko na madilim at problemado ang itsura niya. There are visible dark circles under his eyes. I can feel that he wanted to avoid my question because he walked to the kitchen.

Sinundan ko siya. My heart is beating rapidly. I’m getting anxious.

“Dad, where’s mommy?”

“Sir, nandito ka na pala. Kumain ka na ba? Nagluto ako.” Dumating si Mechita na medyo naaalarma.

My dad drinks cold water. After that, he took a deep breath. He turned to me with sadness on his eyes. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit may hapdi na dumadaan sa dibdib ko.

“Your mom is in the hospital.”

I gasped. Ang kirot sa aking dibdib ay nadagdagan pa lalo. Akala ko ba nasa bakasyon silang dalawa? Kasama ang magulang ni mommy?

“What are you talking about? I thought you two were with lola and lolo?”

He shook his head, a bit disappointed. “We lied to you, Verena.”

Wala akong panahon para kastiguhin si daddy sa pagsisinungaling na ginawa nila ni mommy. I just want to see my mother as quickly as possible.

“Let’s go back to mom. Why is she in the hospital? Kailan pa po?”

Muli siyang uminom ng tubig na tila ba mauubusan siya ng lakas kung hindi niya ’yon gagawin. He leaned against the marble countertop. Nang yumuko siya, naramdaman ko agad ang bigat na dinadala niya.

I walked towards my father and embraced him. Hoping that I could ease the burden he’s carrying.

Niyakap niya ako pabalik. Ramdam ko ang panghihina niya ngunit kailangan niyang tatagan ang kanyang sarili upang hindi rin ako panghinaan ng loob. Sila ang lakas ko. Kung makikita ko silang mahina, tiyak na madadamay ako.

“Dad…” I croaked.

“Your mom is diagnosed with leukemia.”

Napasinghap ako. I can feel my heart is painfully breaking into pieces. I suddenly remembered my mom, her warm smiles and gentle stares. Her beautiful face. Her fine movements. And her voice.

“No! No! No! Tell me you’re lying!” I hysterical.

Niyakap niya ako lalo bilang pangpakalma sa akin. Ngunit hindi iyon gano’n kadali. Maraming negatibong bagay at pangyayari ang bumalot sa aking isipan.

I don’t know how I would live again if something worse happen to my mom or to even my dad. I would only see red and black. My world would probably stop from moving. My life would be very slow, I wouldn’t know how to continue living it.

“Let’s go to my mom! Please! I’m begging you! Puntahan po natin siya!” Hinila ko siya habang walang humpay ang luha na dumadaloy sa aking pisngi.

Narinig ko ang hikbi ni Mechita sa gilid.

Hindi ko na naisip na pagod si daddy at kailangan niya ng pahinga. He needs to go back to work too. I can’t wait to graduate and help him. Especially now that I know my mom really needs him.

That year gave me memories I’d cherish. Tovar Pontevedra became my boyfriend. I graduated and got my college degree. The very same year my beloved mother was diagnosed with leukemia. While our Architectural firm has started to deal with a bitter fact that we are losing projects and clients.

Hindi ako mapakali habang hinihintay si Tovar. Alam niya ang tungkol sa kalagayan ni mommy. But I cannot tell him that I will go to America as well. I just can’t.

My mother needs to undergo radiation therapy to destroy the leukemia cells because the leukemia has spread to her nervous system. After so many sessions of chemotherapy, the doctors and my father have decided to continue the therapy in the United States—to give her a much better and high-technology way of curing leukemia.

I’ve been stressed out. When I graduated, only my dad went to me on the stage. Tovar took me to a dinner date for celebration. My mom rather stayed at home because she’s weak, un-inspired, and she didn’t want other people to see her. Her body changed. She loses weight. There are bruises on her skin.

My dad’s secretary already booked us ticket to the United States. Yukio’s parents let us use their vacation house in Los Angeles without asking for a rent fee. We just have to pay the monthly bills. While Ember’s aunt who’s a nurse there is also very willing to help us once we need assistance. I’ve been blessed with people who never leave my side during the tough days of my life.

This is the last time I will travel with Tovar. The last time I will be with him. Kaya susulitin ko ang bawat segundo na magkasama kami. I feel so sad but I need to act normal so that he won’t notice that I am planning of leaving him. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko sa relasyon namin. Alam kong mahihirapan lang kami pareho kapag malayo kami sa isa’t isa.

I was waiting in front of our gate with my carry-on suitcase. We are going to Bohol and will stay there for two nights. My parents allowed me to do it because they know that I need to say my goodbye to him.

Niyakap ko siya agad nang lumabas siya sa sasakyan. Nasasaktan ako sa tuwing iniisip ko na hindi ko na ulit siya mayayakap ng ganito.

He kissed my forehead. “Ready?”

“Yes. I’m excited!” And sad at the same time.

Manong Rene dropped us to the airport. We are going to take commercial flights even though Tovar offered a private chopper. I didn’t accept it. I was the one who booked our tickets and suite using his card. Wala siyang nagawa sa gusto ko. Sumusunod lang siya sa akin.

“Are you okay?” He whispered during our flight.

I’m hugging his arm while  resting my face on it. I was silent but my mind was clouded by so many things that I would feel or do once I was away from him.

“I’m just sad about my mom.”

It affects me so much. Lalo na sa tuwing nakikita ko si mommy na nanghihina at nahihirapan sa sitwasyon niya. Pati ako ay nawawalan ng lakas. Ngunit kailangan kong maging matatag para sa kanila ni daddy. Ayokong makita niya ako na pinaghihinaan ng loob. I want to be the strength of my mother.

“How is she?”

“She’s still weak. She has bruises too.”

“When my grandpa diagnosed of heart disease, we brought him to the United States for fastest and better treatment. I wonder if your father ever think about bringing your mom abroad?”

Gusto kong iwasan ang topic na ito. Dahil natatakot ako na masabi ko sa kanya ang plano namin. But I cannot just ignore his genuine question.

“H-he has plan to bring mom to America.”

Tumango siya. Tapos ay hinawakan niya ang kamay kong nasa braso niya. He gently squeeze it, telling me that everything will be fine.

“We can visit your mom there…”

Para akong maiiyak. I bite the inside of my cheek when I felt the sharp pang hit my heart.

“If you need more financial support for your mom’s medication, just let me know.”

Mahina akong napasinghap para lang pigilan ang paghikbi. Ipinikit ko ang aking mga mata upang kontrolin ang pangingilid ng luha.

He’s very, very thoughtful. Hindi lang sa akin. Kaya paanong hindi ako masasaktan ng husto na iiwan ko siya? Kung puro kabutihan ang ipinapakita niya sa akin?

We arrived in our suite in Panglao. The ocean view from our bedroom relaxed me a bit. The sun is about to set and I have plan to watch it with him.

Niyakap niya ako mula sa aking likod. We are both standing at the balcony while watching the ocean and the light pink sky. The salty breeze made me closed my eyes and hope that it will ease the burden inside my chest.

“What are you thinking?” He asked in a low tone.

His muscled arms were wrapping around my shoulders. Whenever he embraced me from behind, his arms will always be on that very same part of my body. Like they are destined to be around me.

“I wonder if you’d ever find another woman to replace me?”

My question made him stunned for a bit. I then felt him shook his head lightly.

“Why would I do that?” he’s smelling my hair. “My mind will be clouded by you and our memories together. It will be hard for me to replace you.”

That put a faint smile on my lips. I am contented with his answer. I think, I’d keep that in mind.  Na kahit malayo na ako sa kanya, mahihirapan pa rin siyang maghanap ng ibang babae na ipapalit sa akin.

“It’s easy to replace me, Tovar.”

With his caliber, it will be easy for him to find a woman to replace me, right? Kahit sinong babae, mahuhumaling sa kanya at hindi papalagpasin ang pagkakataon na makilala siya ng husto. He’s already successful and known to be the one who will take over Pontevedra Scapes. He has bright future ahead. Nobody could ever take away what’s meant for him, even me.

“It’s not easy to replace you, Verena. Why do we even talk about this?”

“I am just wondering.”

He sighed.

“What if I… I was away from you? Like, you know, when I move to another country to work.”

“Why would you do that? PRA is here. Why work abroad?”

Umirap ako. Okay. I’m gonna stop asking questions. He’s too clever he might realize my real intentions if I continue doing this.

“I’m just thinking of possibilities in the future.”

Tumahimik ako pagkatapos kong sabihin ’yon. Gano’n din siya. We are both silent while watching the sun dramatically go down the ocean.

Ang kulay kahel na langit ay nahalinhinan ng mapusyaw na indigo. Ang mawalak na karagatan ay kalmadong dinadama ang tila madramang pagpipinta na ginagawa ng langit sa kabuuan nito. Kalmado katulad kung paano nito hintayin ang paghalik ng araw bilang pamamalaam bago tuluyang sakupin ng karimlan.

Slowly, I turned around to face the man behind me.

At sa pagkakataon na ito, siya ang larawan na nais kong makita bago kami yakapin ng dilim. Siya ang imahe na gusto kong permanenteng ipinta sa aking isipan, kukulayan ko ang bawat bahagi niya, at iingatan na hindi mabura. Siya ang kwento na palagi kong babalik-balikan kahit hindi kumpleto, hindi lalagpasan ang bawat pahina na kasama ko siya, at kahit hindi buo ang nobelang ito, mangangarap pa rin ako na ang wakas ay maisusulat namin sa dulo.

I cupped his face, tiptoed a bit and kissed his lips.

Tinalikuran ko ang isa sa pinaka magandang bahagi na nangyayari sa araw-araw at pinili ang mas importanteng tanawin sa aking harapan. Dahil alam ko na sa pagkakataon nalang na ito ko siya mas pipiliin… mas bibigyan ng pansin… at mas uunahin.

He has kissed me back. He’s passionate while I am emotional. I can feel the tears that threatened to flow down my cheeks. Ang hapdi at galak sa aking puso ay naghalo.

Unti-unti niya akong dinala sa loob. We didn’t break the kisses. Instead, it gets hotter and wilder. He inserted his tongue inside my mouth that made me whimpered. My body gets warm and sensitive. His caresses made me that way.

He lays me above the soft king-sized bed. I was too drowned with his kisses that I didn’t want us to stop. I just wanna feel him as long as I can. I know I’m gonna miss him so bad. I should take this opportunity to kiss and hug him. To feel his touch… his lips… and his body.

“Mmm…”

We paused for a moment. Tovar is on top of me. Our faces are just inch away. His minty breath is hitting my face. Nakatitig siya akin. Hindi ko kontrolado ang malakas na pintig ng aking puso. I was still panting because of our torrid kiss.

“I want you,” my voice was laced with seduction.

Hinaplos ko ang kanyang magaspang na panga. I stared back at him to let him know that I genuinely want him.

We did kiss and make out, but we never get to the point that we had sex. His control is admirable. He always made sure I was satisfied. But this time, I wanted both of us to feel it. I want all of him.

“Tovar, please…”

He teases me with a feathery kisses. “Stop me if you ever change your mind.”

“I’m not gonna change my mind.”

Ibinalik niya ang tingin sa aking mga mata para matiyak na sigurado ako sa desisyon ko.

“Baby, I wanna make love with you.” I said very softly.

That made him growled. Napapikit pa siya na animo nasaktan sa kung ano. His lips parted sexily. I am amazed that I found him so hot… so fine on this angle.

I arched my back to urge him to continue our kissing and his caresses. My body was aching… I wanted to be touched by him.

Muli akong napapikit nang maglapat ulit ang aming mga labi. This time, his palm was moving around in every inch of me. I am very aggressive that I was the one pulling down the straps of my dress.

“Uhh…” I moaned in between our kisses when I felt his palm on my boobs.

Nag-iinit na agad ang aking katawan. Nasasabik na maramdaman ulit ang kanyang mga haplos.

His lips traveled down my neck, then to the valley of my breasts. He carefully removed down my dress together with my bra to expose my chest.

Nag angat siya ng tingin sa akin habang dinadampian niya ng halik ang paligid ng aking dibdib. Nahihibang ako sa mainit na sensasyon.

I caressed his hair in a way that he’d know I like what he’s doing and he should continue it. Hindi niya masyado pinatagal ang mga halik. I saw him stuck out his tongue to taste my nipple. Napadaing agad ako lalo na at nakikita ko ang ginagawa niya sa akin.

“Tovar…” I wide my legs to accommodate his wide built.

He cupped my breasts, made them closer together, before he alternately sucked my twin peak. Gustung-gusto niya na ginagawa ang gano’n sa aking dibdib. Siguro dahil alam niyang naliligayahan din ako. I’m trembling in pleasure.

“Do you like my breasts?” I asked sexily.

“Yeah.”

“I love it when you’re sucking my nipples.”

“I know. I can suck these longer tonight.” His voice was husky.

Kung may anong pumintig sa pagitan ng aking mga hita. Nadagdagan ang pag-a-apoy ng kasabikan ko.

“How about my… mmm…” I whimpered when he bites my nipple a bit.

“Hmm?”

I arched my body to feel him. I smiled seductively when my stomach hit his hard on.

“I want you inside of me… please…” I begged.

“Not yet.” Bumaba ang mga halik niya sa aking tiyan.

I helped him removed my dress from my body. I am now only wearing my black lace panty. Pati ang aking balat ay mainit.

“Why not?”

“I want my tongue on your pussy first,” he whispered in a carnal way which made me me bite my lower lips.

“You always eat me…” uminit ang aking pisngi. “Uhh, ang galing mo.”

“Magaling?” He paused from kissing my thighs.

“…magaling kang… kumain.” I admitted shyly.

He smirked. “I want you to get use to it, Verena.”

“I think, I’m used to it.”

“Good.”

My lips parted when he pulled down my panty before he devours my flesh with his warm expert tongue. The pleasure is uncontrollable like my moans.

CHAPTER 10

CHAPTER TEN

I felt the pain the moment he fully entered me.

My muscles have been stretched. My hymen was slowly tearing apart and that’s the most painful part. But I didn’t complain. I didn’t have plan to. Tiniis ko ang hapdi at kirot na dulot ng aming pag-iisa. Niyakap ko siya na para bang siya lang din ang papawi ng sakit na aking nararamdaman.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered tenderly and kissed my temple.

“It’s fine. Uh, I’ll get use with the pain.”

My legs are wide enough to accommodate him and give him a better access to my inner thighs. His both elbows are placed on the side of my head, I can see his muscles flexed because he’s supporting his weight and at the same time controlling himself not to move yet. He’s giving me time to feel him and to get use with his size.

I am battling with my physical discomfort but I am also delighted because I finally gave him myself. It felt like I was giving him a gift that he truly deserved. He did’t ask for it. I willingly gave myself to him because I think, I’m in love with him.

Ibinigay ko sa kanya ang aking sarili hindi lang dahil alam kong hindi na kami magkikita o dahil nasasabik akong maranasan ito kasama siya. Ibinigay ko sa kanya ang aking sarili dahil nararamdaman kong siya lang talaga ang nagpapatibok ng husto sa puso ko. Siya lang talaga ang may kakayahan na bigyan ako ng klase ng damdamin na tila ba nasa isa akong giyera at ang tanging sandata ko ay ang matinding pagmamahal ko sa kanya.

With the fierce and fiery love that I have for him, I feel like I could survive all the battles in this lifetime. Even if it means… leaving him… living without him… and continue breathing even if I was no longer beside him.

This kind of love I am feeling towards him is like fighting in a war where a raging passion is the only way to survive.

“Tovar…” I moaned his name when his pace changed.

From his slow and gentle thrusts, it became faster and deep. Like he cannot control his own feelings anymore. He needs to be fast because he wants to achieve something… something that will take both of us into a hidden paradise.

I wrapped my arms around his nape as I welcomed him. He was like in a marathon, fast and aggressive. My breasts are bouncing and I can hear the creaks of the bed. Because his movements were becoming wilder and wilder. I couldn’t stop him. I didn’t want to.

“Ohhh… Mmmm… y-yes… Tovar… uhhh!”

His heavy breathing was like music to my ears. His sweats smell like seduction. The veins on his arms protruded hotly. I had to caress him there to feel it. Natutukso ako sa kabila nang panggigigil niyang maabot ang rurok na kasama ako.

“Tovar…” my voice sounded sexy, I can’t believe it.

He changed his position. He kneels in between my thighs,  hold onto my legs, and placed them on his waist. Then he continued pounding my femininity with his raging hard cock.

My body is on fire and probably he’s in it too. I watch him being so delectable while titling his head back as he kept pushing me to the brim.

“Oohhh! Ohhh!”

My legs shaken a bit because I am not use to his wild movements. I still feel the pain all over my femininity. My body is getting weak. While he’s very robust and I know he could make more rounds if he wanted to.

I gripped on the bedsheet when I felt like his tip is poking my lower abdomen. My mouth parted because I really pleases me. It was electrifying, it made me moan louder. I can feel it… I can almost taste the heaven with him.

“Ohh, Tovar! Mmmm!”

“Tang ina,” he was breathless and hot.

He suddenly thrusted so deep and convulsed on top of me. The very same moment I felt like something exploded in me while he’s still inside. Napasinghap ako at niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit. Pakiramdam ko ay nawala ako sa reyalidad ng pansamantala.

“This feels so good,” my voice was husky.

I felt him loaded everything inside of me. It was warm and satisfying.

“I love you,” he gently whispered on my forehead and kissed me there.

Ngumiti ako. My heart beat even wilder when I heard him saying his love for me for the first time. I wish I had the courage to tell him how I feel.

My body is tired, weak, and sore. I fell asleep after we made love. When I woke up, he’s already awake and silently watching me.

I didn’t want to get up to eat dinner. He just ordered foods and have it served in our suite. I’m still laying on bed while watching him talking to the hotel staff on the phone.

He’s topless and only wearing a black Calvin Klein boxer shorts. He’s sitting just right beside me. His muscled back made me sigh. His body is one of the reason why I like being physically close to him. He’s very comforting and hot at the same time.

When he’s done, he faced me to check on me again.

I’m still naked, I just wrapped my body with a comforter. He can only see my face and shoulders.

“I’m okay,” I said, so he won’t worry that much.

Though I’m already feel my body is warm and I think I’d have a light fever.

Dinampi niya ang kanyang palad sa aking noo at pisngi. Tapos ay bumuntonghininga siya.

“I’ll get something to make you feel better.”

“Uh, I have meds in my bag. Maybe Paracetamol will do.”

Whenever I travel, my mom always made sure I have basic medicines with me and mini first aid kit. She wouldn’t allow me to leave without all of it.

Tumayo siya at nagpunta kung nasaan ang bag ko. He found the medicine kit and checked everything inside. He has it ready on the side table. So that I could drink after we eat.

“Come here. I want your hug.” Malambing na sabi ko.

Tumabi siya ng higa sa akin. We even shared the comforter. I know he’s not the type of man who always in bed. Kaya lang kapag magkasama kami, napipilitan siya palagi na tumabi sa akin dahil inaaya ko siya para lang magyakapan at maghalikan kami.

“Damn, you’re burning,” he said quietly.

“Mawawala rin naman ’to. Don’t worry too much.”

He’s problematic because I am feeling weak and sore. But I don’t really care. I am still satisfied because I was able to give myself to him. Aside from that, I get to know that he loves me. Those three words came from him. I heard him clearly. He made me happy because of that. I have something special to think about when I missed him.

When the foods were served, I forced myself to get up. My boyfriend even helped me. I just wrapped my body the silk robe I brought with me. Then we sat on the balcony to have a fresh air while having our dinner. The warm lights gave us romantic ambiance.

He poured a wine on our glasses. We took a sip first before we have started eating. I’m having a French onion soup to start with, then creamy chicken and gnocchi for main. He’s having a steak with roasted asparagus and mashed potatoes for side dishes.

“I will feel better tomorrow. We can go to the beach.”

Kahit na ang plano ko ay makasama lang siya na kaming dalawa lang, naisip ko rin na baka gusto niyang lumabas. We cannot just stay inside our suite for days. He’d be bored for sure.

He nods his head. Even though he’s eating, his eyes always back on me. Like I am the only one he wants to look at.

“Do you wanna do something else?” I asked.

“As long as I’m with you, I’ll be fine.”

“Oh, I remember they have beautiful marine life here. Do you wanna do scuba diving? I can go with you pero sa boat lang ako.”

“We’ll do that next time. Not on this trip.”

“How about island hopping nalang?”

Sumimsim siya sa wine habang nakatingin sa akin.

“If you feel better tomorrow, we’ll do island hopping.”

Sumilay ang ngiti sa akin. I suddenly feel excited to do water activities with him again. Sa mga nakalipas na buwan na magkarelasyon kami, marami na rin kaming napuntahan na lugar at nagawa. May pagkakataon din na isinama ko ang mga kaibigan ko.

Most of the time, only me and Tovar. So we have time for each other too. We can kiss whenever we want. We can make out if we both wanted too.

The next morning, I woke up when I felt a warm caresses on my boobs down to my flat stomach. I feel better than last night. My fever was gone too. My body is well rested. Paanong hindi ako makakatulog ng mahimbing? Tovar gave me a licking massage before going to bed. It ease the soreness of my femininity. I felt relaxed because of what he did.

“Mmm, morning…” I greeted him sweetly.

“Morning, baby,” his bedroom voice always gave flying butterflies to my stomach.

I am still naked. Kaya kaunting galaw lang namin, nararamdaman namin ang balat ng isa’t isa.

Kinagat ko ang pang ibabang labi nang dahan-dahan na ibinaba niya ang sarili papunta sa pagitan ng aking mga hita. I know what he wants to do. Nasasabik agad ako sa mangyayari. Alam ko ang kakahinatnan ko.

“Tovar…” I giggled while he’s kissing my thighs. “Are you serious? Early in the morning again?”

“Well, I want my breakfast in bed.”

I remember he did this too when we were in Palawan. I woke up while he’s in between my thighs. That’s his way to wake me up!

My hands went to my breasts while his tongue is exploring every corner of my femininity. He’s really expert in making me moan whenever his head was in between my thighs. He knew by now that my weakness is when he’s licking me down there.

“Mmm… that is… so… good…” I grind my body against his tongue.

His slipped his both arms under my thighs until his palms found my breasts. He’s the one massaging both of them. Nadagdagan ang ligaya na bumabalot sa akin. The bedroom filled my moans.

“Ohhh! D-don’t stop, please… mmm…”

My body arched when he inserted his tongue on my entrance, then moved it in and out. Napasinghap ako sa kaluguran, sa kiliti, at sa kakaibang init na ibinibigay ng ginagawa niya sa akin.

“Tovar… w-what are you doing… uhhh…”

Hindi ko mapigilan na huwag igalaw ang aking balakang dahil talagang matindi ang paraan kung paano niya ako paligayahin. I know he’s very, very good in doing this to me, but I didn’t know he has more to show me.

He pinned me down when he can’t control me anymore. Then he buried his tongue inside of me that made me scream my moan, because the tingling sensation is making me crazy.

“Ohhh! Tovar! Ohhh!”

I pulled out the comforter that covering us to watch him devouring my throbbing femininity. I don’t feel the soreness anymore. Mas nanaig na ang ligaya na nararamdaman ko. Muli akong sinakop ng makamundong pagnanasa.

His eyes were close while doing it to me. The satisfaction on his handsome face was evident. Katulad ko, gustung-gusto niya rin ang ginagawa niya sa aking pagkababae. As if that’s the most delicious and sweetest food he has ever tasted.

I cannot help but to meet his tongue and he seems to like what I was doing. I allowed myself to be clouded by lust and desire with the man I am in love with.

We had our late breakfast because I fell asleep again after he licked me. This time, I am energetic and very willing to go to the beach and walk around there.

I am wearing a beige luxury sand crochet maxi dress. Under it is my two piece bikini. I added my summer hat to protect my face from the sun. While Tovar is on his fresh linen button down shirt and tailored short. He looked fresh and very good looking.

While walking on the shore, I have noticed women looking at our direction. I am not a jealous girlfriend. I am used to see women admiring him even from afar. If I were them, I would have a second look when he passed by me. So I understand these women.

What made me confident that he won’t be affected by the ogling. His stoic face showing that he’s uninterested. He doesn’t care about other girls. He only cares about me.

We stopped at the beach restaurant to get some drinks. I ordered mango smoothies and he will have Aperol spritz. I moved my chair next to him so that we can watch the ocean together.

He rested his arm above my chair and he leaned a bit to kiss my cheek.

“You look very beautiful,” he whispered that made me blush right away.

I noticed that my skin is glowing and like him, I looked fresh too. Probably, it was the great sex and the multiple orgasm.

“Because I’m with the right man.” I said with a slight grin on my face.

Hindi niya inalis ang labi niya sa aking pisngi. He doesn’t care about what other people say or if they are watching us. He has his own world that only revolved to both of us. I must do the same. Because this is the last time I will make him feel that he matters to me and I love him. Kahit pa hindi ko sinabi sa kanya na mahal ko siya, gusto kong maramdaman niya.

I placed my hand on his thigh. It made him looked where my hand is. I think, I got him affected with that simple gesture from me.

“I am very lucky because I have you. I will never regret letting you in my life. I think, that was one of the best decisions I have ever made so far.” I muttered sincerely.

“You will have me anytime you want, anytime you need me, Verena.” It sounded like a promise and I didn’t know why my heart ached.

Should I tell him that I am leaving soon? That I don’t know when I would come back? That I don’t know what would I do to our relationship?

It scared me to know that he wouldn’t like a long distance relationship. I didn’t want to leave with the thoughts that he breaks up with me because he can’t stand being away from me. I think, I’m gonna be more stressed having in mind that he could sacrifice his love for me than continue a relationship that has no guarantee until when it will last.

I silently took a deep breath. My heart is aching badly, I wanted to just cry.

“I know you’re going through hard times, I want to assure you that you will always have me by your side. I’m just one call away, okay?”

Nangilid ang luha sa gilid ng aking mga mata. I can hide my tears through my sunglass. I sipped on my smoothies to clear the bile on my throat.

“T-thank you. This means so much to me.”

Hinalikan niya ang aking sintido at dinala niya ako sa kanyang dibdib.

Kinagat ko aking labi upang pigilan ang paghikbi. I quickly wiped the tears that rolled down my cheeks. Unti-unting pinupunit ang aking puso. Hindi ko sigurado kung kaya ko ba talaga na malayo sa kanya. Sana kayanin ko. Sana magamit ko ang pagmamahal sa kanya upang magpatuloy kahit wala siya sa tabi ko.

“Baby, you’re everything to me. If only I could take away your pain and burden, I would.” He whispered tenderly.

He probably realized that I am silently crying already. I buried my face on his chest and cry my heart out.

CHAPTER 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

It didn’t take me so long to realized what’s going on with me.

I consistently wake up every damn morning just to throw up. I easily get tired. I am not interested in doing things unless we’d go to the hospital for mom’s therapy. My sense of smell became very, very sensitive. And I only wanted certain foods to eat.

“Ma’am? Ayos ka lang ba?” Tanong sa akin ni Mechita nang makita niya akong nahihirapan na tapusin ang kinakain ko.

I have to eat otherwise I’m gonna get weak. Kahit sa pagkain ay naging maselan ako. Kabadong-kabado ako sa tuwing iniisip ang posibilidad na baka buntis ako. I don’t know how I would survive that while at the same time my mother is going through hard times and she needs me.

“I’m fine. I just don’t like the taste.”

“Gusto mo bang ipagluto kita ng iba?”

Umiling ako. Wala akong ganang kumain ng kahit na ano. Pinipilit ko lang ang sarili ko para may lakas ako. We just got back from the hospital. My mother is already resting. She’s doing fine compared to our first month here.

Sumama sa amin si daddy upang asikasuhin ang lahat ng kakailanganin namin pati na rin ang hospital kung saan namin dadalhin si mommy. He only stayed for two weeks because he had to go back to the Philippines for PRA.

He promised that he will come back once he settled the firm. He was doing everything he could to get more projects and clients. I always hoped he succeed because we really need financial to support mom’s medication and to afford the high cost of living in Los Angeles.

“Namumutla ka kasi. Hindi ka na rin magana kumain.”

“Maybe I am still adjusting.”

“Gano’n ba? Matanong ko lang, kumusta na kayo ni Architect? Bibisita ba siya rito?”

I played with my bolognese spaghetti using my fork.

Before I leave, even though he wanted to see me, I didn’t allow him. When we arrived in the United States, I received a lot of messages from him. He called me many times but I refused to answer. Pakiramdam ko mas lalo ko lang siyang mamimiss kapag narinig ko ang boses niya.

I know I am being selfish and heartless girlfriend. He probably realized that now. That’s why he stopped bugging me. Gusto kong isipin na hindi niya na ako mahal. Mas madali para sa akin na magpatuloy sa araw-araw. Dahil kapag nalaman kong mahal niya pa rin ako, mahihirapan lang akong mabuhay na malayo siya sa akin.

Tiniis ko na hindi marinig ang boses niya, na hindi siya makita, at makasama, pero nitong nakalipas na linggo, kasabay ng pagbabago sa aking katawan, mas matindi ang pagtitiis na ginagawa ko. Palagi akong umiiyak sa sobrang pagkabigo dahil hindi ko siya nakikita at hindi ko naririnig ang boses niya.

“I don’t know. I think, we broke up.”

Napasinghap si Mechita. “Hala, Ma’am. Bakit? Dahil ba malayo ka na sa kanya? Sayang naman ang relasyon niyo. Mukha pa naman mahal na mahal ka niya.”

Tovar loves me dearly and I knew it. I felt it. It’s just that we cannot be together. It’s very difficult to be away from him and I was hoping I would recover from all the longing and sadness living away from him.

My mom have noticed the changes in me. She’s not very weak anymore. I’m happy to see her slowly recovering.

“Verena, sweetheart, I think you need to… get some test.” She told me.

I washed my face after I throw up. Kinakabahan ako sa sinabi niya. Pakiramdam ko may ideya na rin siya sa nangyayari sa akin. She just didn’t want to say it directly.

“Mom, don’t worry about me. How ’bout we walk outside again?” I forced a bright smile.

She gave me a warm glance. Then shook her head. “No, I think it’s time for me to look after you.”

Umiling din ako. Kaya ko na ang aking sarili. I am learning how to be independent despite living with mom and Mechita. Sometimes, I was the one who do the groceries and cleaning. Especially when I see that Mechita is having a hard time to do all of it. Sa bahay namin, may katuwang siya. Dito, wala. Ako lang ang puwede niyang asahan.

“I know you sacrificed your relationship with Tovar for me. I feel sorry, Verena. I wish I… I didn’t have this illness.”

Lumapit ako sa kanya para malaman niya na hindi ako nagsisisi sa desisyon ko. I sat next to her and hold her hands with mine.

“Mommy, I will always choose you no matter what. You and dad, okay? Though I feel bad because we had to end our relationship, but I don’t regret being here with you.”

Did we break up though? We didn’t yet. Pero alam ko rin at inaasahan na rin na mauuwi sa pagtatapos ang relasyon namin.

Her eyes watered. I didn’t want my mom to feel bad because I had to sacrifice Tovar and our relationship. I am certain that I’d be willing to give up everything for the sake of my parents’ lives. Because I know, they would certainly do the same to me.

“Once I’m healed and recovered, we will go back to the Philippines. Okay? I will help you with Tovar. I am sure he’d understand you.”

Ngumiti ako. What I want for now is my mother to feel more inspired and energetic to continue her therapy. It would help her especially that aside from her medication, I know she misses my dad.

“But for now, can we just do the test, Verena? Ako ang kinakabahan sa kalagayan mo.”

Napalunok ako. I want to deny it so bad. But I am also extremely nervous about what’s going on with me.

“I am sure you know what I mean. We allowed you to be with your boyfriend before we leave. To talk or say your goodbye to him. I think, it’s impossible that you two didn’t… you know, do it.”

Uminit ang pisngi ko. Alam ko ang ibig niyang sabihin. She was just very careful with her words so that I won’t be offended. She’s my mother, she knew me from head to toe.

“Unless he used protection—”

“He didn’t.” I closed my eyes tightly.

I guess, I can no longer deny my situation. Not now that I just confirmed to my mother that we really did it and he didn’t use protection to avoid my pregnancy.

What made me think that I am possibly pregnant is because I knew that we did it a couple of times when we were in Panglao. On our last day, we didn’t leave the suite. We just kissed and made love. Slept when get tired. Then wake up to do it again and again like there was no tomorrow left for us.

Mechita bought a pregnancy test for me.

On my first try, the two red lines showed up right away. I swallowed hard while my heart is beating rapidly, I couldn’t control it. I didn’t need to repeat the test with new ones because I am sure that I am carrying Tovar Pontevedra’s child. My tears began to flow.

“Verena? Let us know what’s the result! I’m excited!” I heard my mom’s happy voice outside my shower room.

I opened the door and embraced my mother immediately while crying.

“Oh, my dear,” hinaplos niya ang aking likod.

Lumapit sa amin si Mechita at tumulong siya kay mommy na aluin ako.

“Mom, I’m pregnant.” I cried more.

I am not sure if I was happy or disappointed with my pregnancy. I just can’t accept it quickly. It’s too soon. It’s not a good timing. I don’t know what to feel anymore. I wasn’t ready for this. But for sure, I’d accept my baby with all my heart.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. We are here for you. Hindi mo ako iniwan, hindi rin kita iiwan, anak.”

“Ipapaalam ba natin kay Architect?” Naguguluhan na tanong ni Mechita.

Mabilis akong umiling.

“No. I don’t want him to know about my pregnancy. Not yet. I need to think about all of this first.”

“Sige, Ma’am.”

“Anak, Tovar should know that you’re pregnant.”

I shook my head again. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko siya haharapin ulit pagkatapos ko siyang iwan at hindi sagutin ang mga tawag niya.

“Mommy, please. Let me decide about this po.”

Nang malaman ko na buntis ako, naging mas maingat ako sa lahat ng kinakain ko at ginagawa. I did my research as well about pregnancies and how to take care of my body and the baby. I bought books to help me understand motherhood, the changes that happens during my pregnancy and after it.

I told my friends about it and they were shocked, but congratulated me.

Ember: Daddy Tovar will be very happy to know that.

Yukio: Are you going to hide his baby from him?

I pursed my lips. I just finished taking a shower and getting ready for bed.

Verena: I still need to think about all of this. But for now, please, don’t tell him.

My friends agreed that they won’t tell it to Tovar and I trusted them.

Ember: By the way, I saw him pala last week. I forgot to tell you!

My eyes widen. I used to stalk him in social media, but he’s not very active. I am still interested to know what’s going on with him. Whenever I missed him, I just scrolled our conversations to make myself happy. Then I’d look at our photos together in my phone.

Verena: Where did you see him?

Ember: At D’ Club. He was with Theon Monseratte.

Verena: No girls?

Ember: I didn’t see any. Pero siguradong maraming umaaligid sa kanila at naghihintay lang ng tamang pagkakataon na lapitan sila.

Yukio: If he was loyal to Verena, he won’t allow other women to get near him.

Ember: I left early. Kaya hindi ko alam kung may lumapit ba sa kanila o wala.

Verena: I’m going to bed now. I’ll talk to you again tomorrow. Good night! Kisses

I heaved a sigh. I didn’t want to hear anything about him and the women that surrounds him. I’m just gonna feel jealous and angry. I need to avoid being upset and stressed, I didn’t want my baby to feel the same.

I stalked Tovar’s sister social media. She’s also not very active but she posts pics sometimes. My heart raced when I saw a newly posted photo of Ivanka with Tovar. It was just a selfie inside a familiar Club.

He wasn’t smiling. He looked gloomy. His stubbles defined his jawline, adding virility to his face. Suddenly, I missed him again.

I scrolled our conversation again to ease how I feel for him. It was very hard especially that my pregnancy hormones are dominating my body. I easily get emotional.

Verena: I can’t forget what you did to me. Paano kita makakalimutan? Ang galing mo. I feel hopeless.

I remember my face was heated during that conversation after we left Panglao. Until this very moment, it made my cheeks burned. How can I forget him if he’s that great in bed?

Tovar: I did that so you won’t forget me. I guess, it’s affective.

Verena: It’s very effective. Especially when you do it in the morning to wake me up.

Tovar: I’ll do it again next time. Thanks for letting me know that you liked it.

Verena: Of course, I liked it so much. I can still feel your tongue though.

Tovar:  I should do it longer, baby. But you were begging me to stop because you cannot handle my tongue.

While reading our conversation, I feel my whole face is burning and my body. Here I am, feeling so aroused again.

Verena: My boyfriend licked me so good. I felt like I’m gone crazy.

After that, he called me to talk about more of it and how I felt.

I wasn’t done reading our previous conversation when a new message from him popped up!

Para akong mawawala sa ulirat sa sobrang kalabog ng puso ko. I opened it, making him know that I read it right away!

Tovar: Please, baby, let’s talk. I don’t know what’s wrong. I gave you time. But please, give me a bit of yours to talk to me.

I bite my lower lips, stopping myself to cry. I can feel that he’s really frustrated with what I do to him. I owe him an explanation, I am aware of that. But I am ready to talk to him?

I typed a reply after a few months of not responding to his messages and calls.

Verena: I’m about to sleep.

When he saw my message, he immediately called me and I was hyperventilating!

Mariin na ipinikit ko ang aking mga mata nang sagutin ko ang tawag niya. I put him on the speaker.

“Baby, please, what’s wrong? Hmm? Tell me, I’ll make it up to you.” His voice was gentle and desperate too.

I cannot find the right words to speak. I didn’t even know what to say. But I am happy that I heard his voice again.

“Did I hurt you? Did I do something that you don’t like? Am I too much? Am I disturbing you?”

I shook my head as answer. I let my tears flowed down my cheeks. I bite my fingers so that he won’t hear me sobbing.

“I missed you so bad that it hurts,” he painfully whispered.

I missed him so bad too. I missed him everyday. I missed him that it breaks my heart.

“I want to end this relationship. I wanna break up with you—”

“No, no, please. Don’t do this to me, Verena. Let’s talk about this,” he was alarmed, almost panicking. “Please, baby, tell me what’s bothering you? What made you upset?”

Kumawala ang hikbi sa akin na sigurado akong narinig niya. Hinayaan ko ang mga luha na kumalat sa aking pisngi. Katulad kung paano ko malayang tinanggap ang pagkapunit ng aking puso.

“Pupuntahan kita, okay? I’m gonna see my baby.” Malambing ang tono niya, para akong hinehele.

“Y-you don’t have to. I… I don’t think I can continue our relationship while you are away from me.”

“We’ll talk about all of these when I’m there. You will tell me everything you want.”

Hindi ako nagsalita. Mas inisip ko pa na pupuntahan niya ako. Parang… gusto ko ’yon.

“Baby, please, I’m begging you. We will fix this.”

I pursed my lips and caressed my stomach. I feel lighter now that I heard his voice. Even though my heart is still aching, I can still sleep with smile on my face because of that.

“I’m going to sleep na,” malamyos na sabi ko.

He sighed. But I know he won’t force me to talk to him. He’d rather let me sleep.

“Okay. I will let you sleep. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

I ended the call.

I am not sure what to do to him and our relationship. I need to focus with my pregnancy and my mom. But I might need him too. Especially that I will have another expenses for our baby. If only we don’t spend much here, I won’t think twice about financial matter for us.

Ngayon lang kami nahirapan pagdating sa pera. Kahit na hindi sa akin sabihin ng magulang ko, alam ko ang nangyayari. That’s why I am trying to live simply as I could. I stopped spending too much.

Even if my dad said that he will support me, I know that PRA is having a hard time keeping up. My parents always make me believe that we are still doing fine and our financial status was still the same. But I knew, it wasn’t anymore. I am just hoping that we won’t be bankrupt, not soon because my mom still needs a proper and high cost medication.

I caressed my stomach. I need to stay strong for my baby this time.

“I didn’t mean to hide you from your father. Mommy is just so confused, I gone through a lot already. I am scared to make a decision and end up ruining everything again. But I promise you one thing, this will not be forever, okay? I will let you meet your daddy when time is right.”

CHAPTER 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

“Do you want something from here?” Tovar asked me.

We are talking again. I guess, I cannot resist him anymore. I want him so bad. Sa sobrang pagtitiis ko na hindi siya kausapin simula nang dumating kami sa Amerika, para bang sa pamamagitan n’yon ay  pinaparusahan ko ang aking sarili kahit hindi naman dapat.

I think, I am bad in making decisions. I am not good enough to handle problems and pressures. I also realized one thing, I have proven that I can sacrifice my love for him and our relationship for my parents. After all the decisions I made, the best one is choosing the people who gave life to me over the man who I know I love so dearly.

The truth is… I cannot just allow my ill mother to be alone here with Mechita, when I can certainly be with her to help and guide her. Hindi ko kakayanin na malayo ako kay mommy lalo ngayon na may sakit siya. Tiniis ko na malayo sa aking ama para lang makasama ang aking ina sa mga oras na alam kong kailangan niya nang masasandalan. My father wasn’t with us, I am the only one that she can lean on. I will give her my shoulders until she no longer need me.

“I like dried mangoes, durian candies, and what else I want?” I paused to think what I want to eat.

I’m brushing my hair in front of the vanity mirror. It is morning here while in the Philippines it’s evening. He’s on his way home. We are talking even if he’s driving.

“You can list down all you want. I will have my secretary buy all for you.”

“When is your flight?”

“Tomorrow night.”

Ang bilis! Hindi na siya nagsayang pa ng maraming araw para puntahan ako.

“Okay. You can stay here if you like.”

“I booked a hotel near where you’re staying.”

So, he doesn’t want to stay with me?

I dramatically sigh to let him know that I didn’t like that he’s not going to stay with me.

“I can always stay with you.”

“You sounded like you’re just napipilitan to stay with me?” I leered.

He chuckled. “I am not, Verena. I just wanna make sure I have a place to stay.”

“Okay.”

Nakalimutan ko na hindi pa pala maayos ang relasyon namin. Kailangan pa namin pag usapan ng malinaw kung ano ang plano namin.

I ended the call so he can focus on driving. I left my room to eat breakfast. I saw my mom and Mechita at the garden outside. Lumapit ako sa kanila para makisali sa pinag-uusapan nila.

“Siguradong napaka ganda o gwapo ng magiging anak nila. Ang ganda-ganda ni Ma’am Verena, makinis pa! Si Architect naman ay napakakisig, matangkad, at ang gwapo!”

“Nag-aalala nga ako kay Verena. Sana hindi niya isipin na dagdag sa problema namin ang biglaan na pagbubuntis niya.”

“Kaya nga, Ma’am. Sana hindi siya ma-stress. Okay naman sa inyo ni Sir Phil na buntis siya, di ba?”

“Oo naman. Masaya kaming dalawa na magkakaroon na kami ng apo. Kaya lang si Verena, ayaw ipaalam kay Tovar ang pagbubuntis niya.”

“Paano kaya ’yon? Kung alam ni Architect, siguradong susuportahan siya at ang baby nila. Hindi niya na kailangan problemahin ang financial. Marami niyon si Architect.”

“Exactly. Pontevedra Scapes have a lot of projects going on with their company.”

I continued to walk towards them. Nahinto sila sa pag-uusap.

“Anak, good morning.” Bati sa akin ni mommy.

“Morning.” I kissed her cheek.

“Gusto mo na bang mag almusal? Ipaghahanda na ba kita ng pancake with strawberry syrup?” Masiglang tanong ni Mechita.

“And tea with milk, please. I can eat here. How about you and mom?”

“Sabay-sabay na daw tayo mag almusal. Teka at ihahanda ko na para madala ko rito.”

Mechita left to prepare our breakfast.

We are at the garden table made from wood. The warm sunlight is striking our direction. My mother always stay on this spot every morning for the sun and to talk to Mechita while watering the plants.

The three-bedroom American-style house is located ten minutes to the town. We didn’t have our own car here. We just book it whenever we need to go out. I don’t drive. Gano’n din si Mechita. Hindi rin naman puwede si mommy kahit marunong siya. It’s better that way so we don’t have to pay monthly for the rent. Besides, we only go out for mom’s therapy and when we go to the stores for groceries.

I took a selfie of me and my mom to send to my dad.

“Mom, I think you like it here,” I noticed her having a bright aura.

Unlike when we were in the Philippines, she was very weak and pale. She didn’t wanna do anything, she just stayed on bed. But here, she helps Mechita water the plants and she also helps cooking sometimes if she’s in the mood.

“I feel better here compared when we were in the Philippines. Maybe because I didn’t see your father’s struggles from here. Alam mo ’yon? When you see your love ones having a hard time, you cannot help but to be affected too.”

Tumango ako. Sa pagkakataon na ito, gusto kong mas malinawanagan pa ng husto tungkol sa nangyayari sa isang relasyon.

“I didn’t want to leave him. Nangako ako sa kanya na hindi ko siya iiwan sa oras na nahihirapan siya. Gano’n din siya sa akin. I wanted to be his strength. Pero paano ko siya bibigyan ng lakas kung ako mismo ay mahina? Alam ko na kapag nakikita niya ako, nanghihina siya. That’s why I decided to just continue my medication here. So that he won’t need to see me and he can continue working away from his wife who can make him weak.”

Hindi ko naisip na mahirap din sa aking magulang na malayo sila sa isa’t isa. Especially that this is the first time they live away from each other. Kaya nilang isakripisyo ang pagmamahalan nila para lang sa ikabubuti nilang dalawa.

“Sometimes, we need to sacrifice our love ones for our own betterment. Hindi madali sa akin na malayo ako sa daddy mo, pero tinitiis ko ng husto. He became my source of energy despite being away from me. Kaya mas inspired ako na gumaling, anak. Dahil gusto ko nang bumalik sa atin at makasama ko ulit siya.”

Nangilid ang luha sa aking mga mata. I can feel my mother’s pain but she’s embracing every bit of it. Na kahit masakit ang pinagdadaanan niya, hindi siya nawalan ng pag asa na makakasama ulit ang lalaking mahal niya. She has hope that she will be healed and she will be back home.

“How did you manage to embrace the pain and longing, mommy?”

Ngumiti siya sa akin. Magaan ang awra niya. Maamo ang kanyang mukha. Hindi ko nakuha ang pagkamaamo niya. I am not angelic type like her. But I am happy I got her eyes which I know one of my father’s weaknesses.

“I hold on to his promises and I always will. Hindi niya ako ipagpapalit sa iba kahit na hindi na ako maganda, hindi na ako masigla, at hindi na katulad ng dati noong una niya akong nakita. His love for me may not be perfect but it is solid like a rock—unshakeable despite of the storm of uncertainties.”

While she’s saying those words my dad has promised to her, her eyes were sparkling.

Hinawakan ko ang dalawang kamay niya. Natutunaw ang aking puso. Masaya ako na maayos pa rin ang relasyon ng aking magulang sa kabila ng bagyo na nagpahiwalay ng kanilang mga landas. I hope that my mother will have a fast recovery so that she can go back home to her husband.

“Magpupunta po si Tovar dito.” I informed her after a while.

“Kailan?”

“Tomorrow is his flight.”

“Oh, that’s quick! Nakapag-usap na ba kayo?”

“Not really, mom. He will visit here to talk to me in person.”

Hinaplos niya ang aking kamay na may hawak ng kanya. Her delicate skin has bruises. They will fade, then come back.

“Are you going to tell him about your pregnancy?”

I took a breath. I still don’t know what to do though. Hanggang sa mga sandaling ito, hindi pa rin ako makapag-isip ng maayos. Marami pa rin ang gumugulo sa akin. Nababahala akong gumawa ulit ng desisyon na makakasira na naman sa amin.

“I didn’t want to hide our baby from him. But I am not ready to tell him yet about this, mom.”

Tumango siya. Agad niya akong naintindihan.

“Take your time. What matter now is you and your baby’s good health. Iwasan mo ang mag isip nang mag isip, anak. Kung hindi ka pa handa na sabihin sa kanya, huwag mong pilitin ang sarili mo. He deserved to know this, but you also deserved to have a peace of mind.”

“How about my baby’s expenses? Do we still have enough money for another expenses?”

“Don’t worry about it, Verena. Your dad assured me that he will support you and his first grandchild.”

“And I’m gonna give birth pa…”

“That’s one you need to think about. We’ll help and guide you on your pregnancy journey.”

Binigyan ko siya ng magaan na yakap dahil nababahala ako na masasaktan ko siya.

“Thank you, mom, for everything.” I said emotionally.

“No, thank you, anak, for being here with me. You’re one of my strength. Gusto ko pang mabuhay ng matagal para maalagaan kita at ang magiging apo ko. Kaya maging matatag ka rin, okay? We need to face this storm bravely.”

I am facing my own storm. Naalala ko na humiling ako sa hangin na sana ay maging matapang ako na harapin ang bagyo na darating sa aking buhay. This is it. The storm just came and I need to be fierce to face this by myself. I left the man who was supposed to give me a blanket of security. Now, I am alone and looking for my own safe haven without him.

Hindi ako makatulog sa kakabilang ng oras kung kailan ang lapag ng eroplano ni Tovar. He’s currently flying directly to Los Angeles. It will take him about seventeen hours before he arrived.

“Okay. Okay. Hindi ipapaalam kay Architect na buntis ka.”

We are briefing Mechita not to tell Tovar that I am pregnant. Sana ay hindi siya madulas at masabi ng wala sa oras.

“Kailangan natin mag grocery. Ilang araw mananatili rito si Architect?”

“I am not sure. Three days?” We didn’t talk about it. I didn’t ask him!

“Verena, tell Tovar that we need to buy groceries. He will pay for sure.” My mom is grinning.

“Mommy! Nakakahiya!”

“Hindi naman siguro nakakahiya, Ma’am. Baka kapag nalaman niyang buntis ka, mas marami pa ang ibigay niya.”

Napahilamos ako sa aking mukha. Oo at nagtitipid kami, pero hindi ko kaya na pagbayarin siya sa groceries namin!

“Isipin mo nalang na ang ipangbabayad natin sa grocery habang nandito siya, iyon nalang ang ipangbabayad natin sa mga gamit ni baby. Di ba?” Sabi pa ni Mechita. “Para hindi ka mahiya. Para naman sa anak niyo, Ma’am.”

“Right. Let the daddy of your baby pay. Also, get whatever you want to eat. Okay? He always spoiled you, he won’t complain.” Dagdag pa ni mommy na hindi ko sigurado kung seryoso o nanunukso nalang.

“Narinig ko nga na “Baby” ang tawag niya sa ’yo. Spoiled ka talaga kay Architect. Kaya ’wag ka na mahiya, Ma’am Verena. Isipin mo nalang ang baby niyo.“

“Dalawa na ang baby niya. Hindi nga lang niya alam.” My mom laughed.

My baby bump is not yet showing. Hindi niya naman siguro malalaman na buntis ako pag nakita niya ako?

I woke up when I heard the small commotions outside. Napabalikwas agad ako sa pagkakahiga nang maalala si Tovar!

I grabbed my phone on the side table to check if he has a message.

Tovar: I just arrived. See you soon.

Then after an hour, he sent a message again.

Tovar: I am here. I will wait for you to wake up.

My heart boomed. He’s here! He’s downstairs!

Mabilis akong nag shower. I blow dried my bouncy hair. I wear a pastel yellow blouse maxi straight dress and put a peach lipgloss because suddenly I looked pale! I just have lotion because I didn’t like my perfume.

Malakas pa rin ang kalabog ng dibdib ko habang naglalakad ako pababa sa hagdan. I can hear their happy chit-chats.

“Anong gusto mong ulam, Architect? Ipagluluto kita.”

“Just cook sinigang, Mechita. Tovar and Verena like it. Right?”

“Ay, oo, Ma’am! Gusto pala nila pareho ang shrimp sinigang!”

Napalunok ako nang makita ko siya. I haven’t seen him for months and yet I see that he changed a lot already.

Tovar is on his navy blue long-sleeved tee that hugs his arms. The arms that I missed. He paired it with dark pants. Dark as his aura. His growing stubbles on his jawline is visible. He looked rough and very, very masculine with it.

When his gaze went to me, I startled.

Tumayo siya agad para salubungin ako sa baba ng hagdan. I can feel my legs are shaking already. He still has that effects on me like the first time I met him.

Kinuha ko ang kamay niya bilang suporta. Pakiramdam ko, matutunaw ang mga tuhod ko ilan pang sandali. He carefully pulled me closer to him to embrace me tightly.

I missed him so bad that I can feel the pain in my chest. I embraced him back but not as tight as his. I knew that he missed me too. I can feel it by the way he hugs me. I can feel his longing for me.

Kaya lang hindi ko kaya ang matagal na pagyayakapan namin dahil unti-unti ko nang naaamoy ang pabango niya. Even though I used to like his expensive scent, I am no longer the same as before. My sense of smell became very sensitive due to my pregnancy.

Parang bumabaliktad ang aking sikmura. Naduduwal na naman ako. Ngunit tiniis ko ’yon at piniglan.

He kissed my forehead. “I missed you,” he whispered longingly.

I wanted to tell him that I am feeling the same, but I cannot hold on to the chaos that was happening inside my stomach.

I covered my mouth with my hand. Mabilis akong lumayo sa kanya at tumakbo papunta sa pinto sa kusina na magdadala sa akin sa likod na bahagi ng bahay. Nasalubong ko si Mechita na nanlalaki ang mga mata lalo na nang makita niya akong pigil na pigil ang pagduduwal.

“Ma’am!” Mas natataranta pa siya kaysa sa akin.

“Tovar.” I heard my mom’s voice to probably stop him from following me.

I throw up outside the back door of the kitchen. Mechita was quick to give me a glass of water.

“What’s going on here?” I heard his baritone behind me which made my heart race so hard.

I don’t want him to know what I am hiding from him!

“Ah, w-wala, Architect,” may nerbyos sa boses ni Mechita. “B-balik ka na roon. Ako na ang bahala rito.” Itinutulak niya pa papasok si Tovar para lang mailayo sa akin.

Mariin akong pumikit. My hand is on my stomach because I am very exhausted already.

“Verena, what’s wrong?” I felt him behind me.

He carefully grabbed my hair away from my face. Hinawakan niya rin ako sa aking tiyan.

Kaunti nalang ay maiiyak na ako sa tindi ng nararamdaman ko. His presence near me comforted me but at the same time it made me more anxious.

Nagpatuloy ako sa pagduduwal dahil hindi ko na mapigilan pa ’yon. Ang mga luha sa gilid ng aking mga mata ay nagbabagsakan na rin. Wala naman talagang lumalabas galing sa tiyan ko. Sadyang bumabaliktad lang ’yon at tila ang pagduwal ang sagot upang matigil.

Hinakan ko ang isang kamay niya bilang suporta sa aking paghihirap.

I heard him sigh. He pulled me a bit closer to him to support my body properly. Luckily, I don’t smell his scent.

“Baby, what’s going on with you?” His voice was tender, it was soothing.

I shook my head despite of my struggle to puke.

When he caressed my stomach, that’s when I started to calm down.

CHAPTER 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

I know Tovar found me weird because of my sudden reaction. My only excuse is because I was too nervous seeing him again that it made me throw up. Kahit pa iyon ang sinabi ko, parang hindi naman siya naniniwala.

Mataman ang titig niya sa akin na halatang pinag-aaralan ang emosyon sa aking mukha. I hope he won’t find out that I was lying right in front of his face. I also try hard not to get closer to him because I didn’t want to smell his perfume. I was anxious I’d throw up again. Baka sa pangalawang pagkakataon, hindi na siya maniwala sa akin.

We are having our lunch outside so that I can breath a fresh air. My mother has treated Tovar the way she normally does. Habang si Mechita naman ay palaging natataranta. Siguro ay kinakabahan siya na baka bigla niyang masabi ang lihim namin.

Magana akong kumain dahil isa sa paborito ko ang shrimp sinigang. Mechita didn’t want to eat with us, I know why.

“How’s Pontevedra Scapes? I heard your sister is working there already.” My mom started a light conversation.

“We are full this year. Other projects will be scheduled next year. Yes, Ivanka is working with us, Tita.”

Mabuti pa ang kumpanya nila sagana sa proyekto. Samantala ang PRA pahirapan sa pagkuha ng bagong kliyente. I kinda envy Ivanka because she’s already working under their firm even if she just graduated like me.

When we go back to the Philippines I have plan to take the Landscape Architecture Licensure Examination, so I can start working too.

Naisip ko na ang dami ko pa palang gagawin sa buhay ko. Paano ko kaya magagawa ang lahat ng ’yon? Kung ganitong may malaki akong responsibilidad na dinadala? Sigurado ako na hindi ako makakapag focus agad sa pag-re-review. I need to look after my baby first. Siya ang magiging priority ko. Kahit na hindi naman ganito ang plano ko, wala akong magawa dahil nangyari na. I already have my baby with me. All I need to do is to accept my situation and think that my angel is a gift from heaven.

“Our firm is not doing well. I know you are aware of that, Tovar.”

Tumango siya. Of course, they are in one circle. Malalaman nila agad kung kaninong kumpanya ang namamayagpag at kung kanino ang unti-unting bumabagsak. Unfortunately, Phelari Raventos Architecture is the one who’s in the brink of falling apart.

“I recommended PRA to our clients. Especially the ones who knows Tito Phil.”

I straightened my sit which made him glanced at me.

“It’s not that hard to recommend him because he’s known in architectural industry.” He added with confidence.

“Thank you. This means a lot to us. Especially now that I am battling with my leukemia, while Phil is having a hard time getting projects because of what happened to the house of former VP. Are you aware of that?”

I was silent. I didn’t want to interrupt their conversation. Gusto ko lang din marinig ang mga opinyon niya sa ibang bagay. Hindi lang tungkol sa akin.

“I am aware of that. But the catastrophic was unavoidable. It was extreme and it was beyond human control. It wasn’t his design that should be blame, it was the construction company he worked with.”

I now understand why my father kept denying that it wasn’t his fault entirely. Because he followed all the building codes, and his designs met the structures safety standards to mitigate risk even from natural disasters. It’s just that it happened soon and he cannot control the cataclysmic earthquake, nobody could. The house was built ten years ago before the earthquake destroyed it.

“But suddenly it became political, Tovar. Have you heard the latest news? They are threatening the engineers, architects, and the construction company. They wanted them to be liable.”

I didn’t know that! Napatingin ako kay mommy. I want to ask her questions to get further information about my dad is facing right now. At wala siyang kasama sa Pilipinas para harapin ang mga ibinabato sa kanya.

“Sorry, anak, we didn’t tell you this. We didn’t want you to worry. But I guess, we cannot hide this from you anymore. Your father is facing lawsuits. Hindi lang ang unti-unting pagbagsak ng PRA ang hinaharap ng daddy mo, Verena.”

I gasped because I felt shocked that the former Vice President wasn’t done yet with it. Hindi pa ba sapat na bumabagsak ang firm namin dahil sa lahat nang paninira niya? Tapos ngayon, haharap pa ang aking ama sa mga kaso? Na hindi naman dapat!

My heart is breaking at the thought of my father facing all the problems alone and away from his dear family. I covered my face with my palms because I cannot control my tears anymore. I felt miserable that my parents have to face these difficulties all at once.

“And he is alone there….” my voice broke.

Naramdaman ko na tumayo si Tovar at nagpunta sa likod ng aking inuupuan. He’s stroking my hair lightly, hoping to calm me down.

“I’ll help your dad. Don’t worry.” It sounded like a promise.

My tears continued to flow down my cheeks. Nadagdagan na naman ang mga iniisip ko. This time, it’s my father’s situation in the Philippines. Kaya ba hindi siya makakabalik agad dito? Bawal ba siyang umalis sa Pilipinas? Ano pa ba ang kailangan ng VP para manahimik na siya?

After our lunch, we stayed another hour in the garden. Until my mother left us to rest. Naiwan kami ni Tovar doon. I have no energy to talk to him. Not now that I feel miserably hopeless for my dad.

“Kung pwede lang akong umuwi, uuwi talaga ako para samahan si daddy. It’s hard to be alone when you’re facing difficulties.” I said bitterly.

We are both watching the garden. He’s sitting at the wooden chair next to mine. Mabuti nalang at nasasanay na yata ang ilong ko sa pabango niya.

“But I cannot leave my mom here. She needs me.”

“Don’t worry too much about your dad’s situation back home. We are supporting him.”

I don’t get it clearly. I know that my dad has friends. One of them is Architect Tobias Pontevedra—Tovar’s father. They are influential because his late great-grandfather was recognized as one of the greatest Filipino architect–who was part of the spectacular designs of a historic catholic church. Hindi na ako magtataka na pati ang kanyang ama ay magaling din na architect. It runs on their bloods.

Nilingon ko siya nang tuluyang matanto na hindi lang siya sa akin matulungin. Pati ang magulang ko ay handa niya rin tulungan. Ilang beses ko bang tatanungin ang sarili ko kung karapat-dapat ba talaga ako sa isang katulad niya?

I have nothing to be proud of. I have my degree but I didn’t have my architect license yet. I am unemployed. Even after all these years, nakadepende pa rin ako sa pera ng aking magulang. I don’t have my own. I don’t earn. Ni hindi ko sila matulungan sa gano’n na paraan. Tapos ngayon, may responsibilidad pa ako na dala-dala at sa kanila rin naka-atang.

“How?”

“He has friends. My father is one of them. They can’t just allow politics to continue destroying the legacies and hardships of Filipino Architects.”

I feel a bit lighter that my father got help from other Architects. Hindi siya tinalikuran ng kapwa niya. Isang magandang halimbawa na mayroon siyang matibay at mapagkakatiwalaan na katauhan na hindi kayang baliin ng isang kasiraan sa kanyang pangalan.

“But he’s facing lawsuits. How can he survive that? I don’t want him to go to jail!” Bigla akong nanghina ulit.

Hindi ko kakayanin na makita ang aking ama sa loob ng kulungan. The former VP is still powerful because he’s still in the politics. A current Governor of the Province where the house was built. With his money and power, he could easily put my father and other people involved behind the bars.

Ano ang laban ng aking ama? Ni wala na kaming pera! Paano niya pa mababayaran ang mga abogado niya? Saan siya kukuha ng pera para harapin ang mga kaso na inihain sa kanya?

Tovar hold my hand and pulled me closer to him so I can sit on his lap. Para akong babasagin na bagay sa sobrang rahan nang pagkakahawak niya sa akin. Wala akong lakas na nagpaubaya sa gusto niyang mangyari.

“Finally,” he sighed in relief.

He wrapped his arms around me then rested his lips on my shoulder.

I am sitting comfortably above his lap. He didn’t mind that he’s carrying all my weight. I missed being this physically close to him. My heart race like crazy because of our skin to skin contact. I felt his warm right away.

“You’re losing weight. Didn’t you like the foods here?” He noticed the changes on my body.

Aside from I was very stressed, I am also becoming picky with what foods to eat. Ilang linggo rin na gano’n ang sitwasyon ko at hindi ko pa alam na buntis ako. Ngayon na alam ko na, palagi na akong maganang kumain lalo na kapag paborito ko ang niluluto ni Mechita.

“I don’t really like the foods here. I like filipino foods but everything is expensive here.”

“Let’s do groceries then. You’ll buy whatever you want.”

Naalala ko ang pinag-usapan namin nila mommy noong wala pa si Tovar. Na ayain ko raw siya na mag grocery at siya ang pagbayarin ko. Now that he’s asking me to do it, I kinda want to go with him and allowed myself to be spoiled again by him.

“Maybe later? I take a nap during afternoon.”

I started taking a nap only when I get pregnant. Palagi talaga akong inaantok sa tanghali. ’Yon pala buntis na ako. Akala ko pagod lang at stressed.

“Okay. I will let you take your nap first.”

Ibinaba ko ang tingin sa kanya. Dinadampian niya ng magagaan na halik ang aking balikat. Ang palad niya ay nakapatong sa aking hita.

“What are you going to do when I take a nap?”

“Going back to the hotel?”

I pursed my lips. Bakit hindi nalang niya ako tabihan? Bakit babalik pa siya sa hotel kung pwede naman na rito siya magpalipas ng oras.

“You can stay here or… uh, are you tired? Do you wanna take a rest?”

“Kinda.”

“Well, my bed is big enough for us.” My face heated.

His lips formed a smile against my skin. “Is that fine with you?”

Why not? Ang tagal naming hindi nagkita. Bakit ko ipagkakait ang mga oras na puwede ko siyang makasama? I don’t even know until when he’s going to stay here.

“Y-yes. I used to sleep next to you. I think, it’s fine.”

Tumango siya. Ramdam ko ang pagiging kuntento niya sa naging sagot ko.

“Mmm, if you like… you can stay for a night too.”

Hindi ko na talaga mapigilan ang tila pananabik ko na makasama siya ng matagal. Pati ang pag-a-aya sa kanya na matulog kasama ako, hindi ko na rin pinalampas.

“Only for a night?”

Ngumuso ako. I can hear the tease on his tone.

“I don’t mind if you sleep with me while you’re here. It will save you money than staying in the hotel.”

That’s a good reason, right? Alam ko naman na hindi niya kailangang magtipid. Ako lang talaga ang concern sa pera kahit hindi sa akin. Ganito yata talaga kapag alam mo na mabilis lang maubos ang pera. Katulad nang nangyayari sa pamilya ko ngayon.

“Is that fine with your mom?”

I rolled my eyes. I can imagine my mom being energetic when we told her that Tovar is going to sleep with me. Nakikita ko na kung paano niya ako kausapin gamit lang ang mga mata niya.

“I’m not a kid, Tovar. I told them we made love. There’s no reason for them to stop me from sleeping with you.”

“You told them what?” He sounded shocked which made me smirk.

Sa pagkabigla niya, lumipat ang palad niya sa aking tiyan. I can already feel the butterflies flying around inside.

“That we made love before I left.”

He weakly buried his face on my neck. “And?”

“And what? They kinda knew. Siyempre, ano sa palagay mo ang iisipin nila, huh? Magtititigan tayo sa suite?”

“If I was your father, I am going to force that man to marry my daughter right away.”

Umirap ako. He’s very old-fashioned. I can’t still believe it.

“Oh, our future daughter is going to be very upset if you do that to her. What if she just had sex with the man but she was not in love with him? Are you still going to force him to marry her?”

Bumuntonghininga siya. Niyakap niya ako lalo na para bang sa akin niya gustong ibuhos ang anomang nararamdaman niya.

“Aren’t you not in love with me?” His raspy voice laced with longing.

I bite the inside of my cheek. I am in love with him, I still am. But I am too coward not to tell him how I feel. Hanggang sa mga sandaling ito, hindi ko pa rin kayang sabihin sa kanya ang totoo.

“I was just saying… uh, it’s our future daughter that I was talking about.”

Hinalikan niya ang aking leeg nang maramdaman niya na ayaw kong sagutin ang kanyang tanong. He didn’t force me to answer him. He will never force me to do things that I didn’t like.

After a long while, I yawned.

“Do you wanna take a nap now?”

Tumango ako. “Yes.”

Maingat niya akong pinakawalan. I hold onto his arm so won’t lose my balance. Kahit hanggang sa maka-akyat kami sa kwarto ko, hawak niya pa rin ang kamay ko.

I grabbed my cotton blouse and panty shorts to change. I brushed my teeth and washed my face. Hindi naman ako kinakabahan na magkasama ulit kami sa iisang silid, kaya lang ay lumalakas talaga ang tibok ng puso ko.

Am I that excited or what? Wala naman sigurong mangyayari sa amin? Hindi naman siguro iyon ang ipinunta ni Tovar dito? At bakit ko ba iniisip na may mamamagitan sa amin ulit? Dapat nga ay mag ingat ako na hindi niya malaman na buntis ako.

“Why don’t you tell him, huh? Pinapahirapan mo pa ang sarili mo,” I annoyingly pointed myself in front of the mirror.

I jumped on my feet when he knocked.

“Are you done?”

“Yes!”

Sinuklay ko ang aking buhok bago tuluyang lumabas. Kaagad na dumapo sa akin ang tingin niya. Mula sa aking mukha pababa sa katawan. My thighs down to my legs are exposed because I only wear panty shorts.

Nilagpasan ko siya bago niya pa makita na apektado ako sa paraan kung paano niya ako tinignan. Pakiramdam ko nag iinit ang katawan ko. I need to control myself and think of ways how to avoid being easily aroused.

I lay on my bed while Tovar is using my shower room. I grabbed my phone to check my friends messages.

Yukio: Really? How can you hide your pregnancy?

Ember: He really loves you! Pinuntahan ka talaga diyan. Pero, oo nga, paano mo itatago si baby? Do you have baby bump na ba?

Verena: My baby bump is not yet obvious. I looked busog lang.

Ember: What if he saw your stomach?

Yukio: And he kiss it? Malalaman niya na may baby!

I rolled my eyes. My friends are being over-acting.

V erena: I’m not gonna allow him to kiss my stomach then.

Ember: Talaga ba? Kaya mo ba? Baka isang haplos lang sa ’yo ni Architect, matunaw ka na, ha!

Yukio: Pregnant ka pa naman. Your sex drive is hotter than normal.

I put back my phone on the side table when Tovar walked out from my shower room. He’s topless and only wearing a dark boxer shorts. His muscled body and arms made me swallowed hard.

Alam ko naman na mabilis akong matukso sa kanya. Pero mas nadagdagan yata ngayon na buntis ako. Dahil isang tingin ko palang sa kanya, nasasabik na akong mahaplos niya.

Habang naglalakad siya papunta sa kama, naghuhumerentado ng husto ang puso ko. Para akong mabibilaukan sa tindi ng aking nararamdaman para sa kanya.

He kissed my lips before he lays next to me. He pulled me closer to him and rested his arm above my stomach. His body is warm and comforting.

I silently took a deep breath. My heart keep booming against my chest. Hindi ko alam kung makakatulog ba talaga ako o maghihintay nalang ng susunod naming gagawin. I kinda frustrated because I am feeling this way. And he doesn’t have idea that I’m struggling with my pregnancy hormones.

Isiniksik ko pa ang katawan ko sa kanya para lang mas maramdaman siya. Sinilip ko siya at nakapikit na ang mga mata niya. Ako nalang talaga ang gising na gising pa samantalang dapat ay inaantok na ako.

I moved again to get a more comfortable position while he’s hugging me.

“Baby, what is it? Hmm?” His voice was low and rough.

“I can’t… uh, I wanna sleep but I suddenly cannot.”

His palm travelled up to my breast. Kinagat ko ang aking labi nang maramdaman ang ligaya na nahalinhinan ng pagiging komportable dahil lang sa haplos niya sa aking dibdib.

“How about this?” He whispered while he’s massaging my boobs in a tender way.

Marahan akong tumango habang nag iinit ang buong mukha ko. I can’t believe this! My arousal is building up. How can I stop this? Should I stop this? Uh! This is very frustrating.

“Tovar…” I called him without knowing the reason why.

At para bang alam niya agad ang gagawin niya dahil lang tinawag ko siya. He lifted the hem of my blouse until it expose my chest. He moved his head until his lips touched my boobs. Nag init lalo ang katawan ko. Hindi ko ’yon kayang labanan.

I closed my eyes and feel him kissing every corner of my breasts then he’d lick my hard sensitive nipples. I guess, this will be his new way to make me fall asleep.

CHAPTER 14

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

After we dropped my mom to the hospital for her therapy with Mechita with her, Tovar and I went to the grocery store. He’s the one pushing the cart and just following me.

I stopped where the fruits are. Ang mga ito ang pinaka importante sa lahat na dapat mabili ko. I didn’t look at the price anymore. He has assured me that he’s the one gonna pay for all of these. I’m taking that opportunity. It’s not necessary to use my pride to stop myself from letting him pay.

Ngayon ko pa ba papairalin ang pride ko? When we both know that my family’s financial status is not in good shape anymore. We are losing clients and projects, we are losing money too. It was terrifying whenever I think that we could lose PRA as well. I just hope that my father with the help of his friends and other Architects, will be able to survive this storm in his life.

I may be far from him but I always made sure that I sent him messages every day to let him know that he’s not alone. We also talk through video calls. He used to call my mom too. Ang mahalaga sa akin ay maayos ang relasyon ng aking magulang kahit pa humaharap kami sa sabay-sabay na bagyo na dumadating sa aming pamilya.

I grabbed the yellow mango and smelled it. Napapikit pa ako sa pinaghalong tamis at asim nito. Tatlo lang ang inilagay ko sa cart kahit na natatakam ako ng husto.

“If you like the mango, get more.” I heard him beside me.

He’s sporting a white Agnes b. short sleeves t-shirt that obscenely hugged the muscles on his arms. Looking so fine as always. No wonder even foreigners were glancing at him. It must be his overall appearance. His height is impressive, his built is wide and masculine, and his tan coloring is very attractive too.

“It’s quite expensive.”

“Verena, it’s fine. Get more fruits, please.”

Tinignan ko siya. I only wear my Dior ballet flats so I have to look up to him to see his face better. His eyes focused on me like I am the only one that mattered to him. He always gave me his full attention.

“Okay. You know, when I get a job and started earning, I’m going to take you to a grocery store and I’m gonna pay for it.”

He chuckled. “You don’t have to.”

I stomped my foot. “Let me do it. So I won’t feel like I owe you something.”

Tinulungan niya akong kumuha ng mga mangga dahil parang nababagalan siya sa akin.

“We must help and support each other. That’s how relationships work.” He muttered in a relaxed tone.

I paused a bit from picking another mango. We haven’t really talked yet but we did make love already!

At iyon pa talaga ang inuna namin bago mag usap tungkol sa aming relasyon? Inuna ko pa talaga ang sarili kong kaluguran bago linawin ang estado naming dalawa?

Sumunod siya sa akin nang maglakad ako papunta sa mga gulay. I’m done picking mangoes, bananas, oranges, grapes, and apples. That would be enough for us for a couple of days. Now, I want vegetables for Mechita to cook and my lettuces for salad.

“We can still help and support each other even if we are no longer in a relationship, I think.”

Para siyang naaalarma sa aking gilid. Kaya lang ay hindi makapag react sa paraan na gusto niya dahil kalmado naman ako. Dapat ay gano’n din siya.

“I want this relationship to continue, Verena.”

I am not sure if we are on the same page. It will be hard for me to focus on us when I have more important matters that need my attention. Mahal ko siya, pero pakiramdam ko hindi ko magagampanan ng maayos ang relasyon namin lalo at malayo kami sa isa’t isa. Hindi ako sanay na hindi ko siya kasama. Siguradong araw-araw ko lang siyang mamimiss at pipilitin siya na bisitahin ako. At alam kong hindi mangyayari palagi ang mga hiling ko.

He has work to do. He has Pontevedra Scapes that need his time and attention. He can’t just leave it just because I wanted to be with him. I know where I stand in his life. I may be one of his priorities but I was never on top. I accepted and understood it.

Nagagalit ako sa sarili ko dahil hindi ko kayang panindigan ang relasyon namin. Sinasayang ko lang ang pagmamahal na ibinibigay niya sa akin. Kung sana ay nasa ibang sitwasyon lang ako at walang mga problema, sigurado akong tatagal kami at mas mamahalin ko pa siya ng husto.

Nakatitiyak din ako na palagi siyang kasama sa mga pipiliin ko. Ngunit hindi ko hawak ang mga nangyayari sa buhay ko at sa aking magulang. Paano ko siya uunahin kung alam kong may ibang bagay pa ang mas kailangan kong pagtuunan ng pansin?

Maybe my love for him was not that deep. Because how can I manage to leave him behind and set aside our relationship? Bakit hindi ko kayang pagsabayin ang lahat? Bakit hindi ko siya kayang piliin at unahin?

Dumating kami sa bahay na parehong tahimik. Pagkatapos na mailapag ang mga pinamili namin sa kusina, kumuha ako ng tubig na maiinom. I poured our glasses with cold water.

Pinapanood niya lang ako at hindi rin siya umiimik. Kung alam ko lang sana ang tumatakbo sa isip niya ngayon, hindi na sana ako magiging kyoryoso. I just hope that he will agree with what I want. Sa nakikita ko sa kanya, alam kong hindi siya papayag. Mas lalo lang akong mahihirapan kung ganito siya.

I washed the yellow mango and sliced it. I added salt too. I have it with me and the water.

“Let’s talk outside.” I told him before I left the kitchen.

I sat on our usual spot in the garden. Gano’n din ang ginawa niya. He occupied the chair next to mine. Hindi ko naman talaga gusto itong nangyayari sa amin. Nanghihinayang ako na kailangan namin pagdaanan ang ganitong gusot sa aming relasyon.

“I am not use to this. Na malayo ka sa akin. I don’t think I can manage a long distance relationship, Tovar. Mahihhirapan lang tayo pareho.”

My heart is racing achingly. But I need to make things clear between us before he goes back to the Philippines. I want some peace of mind regarding the things that involved him.

“What do you want me to do?” He’s calmed.

I didn’t wanna look at him. Baka bigla nalang bumuhos ang mga luha ko sa aking pisngi. I covered my pain by eating the mango.

“I just want you to… understand and accept my decision about ending our relationship.”

Napalunok ako. Gumuguhit ang hapdi sa aking puso.

“You’re not the only one who will decide for us, Verena.”

I sipped on my water. I can feel my hands were shaking a bit. Pilit ko rin kinakalma ang kalabog ng dibdib ko. Pati ang aking tiyan ay tila apektado rin sa nangyayari sa aming dalawa.

“I know you’re busy. I appreciate you coming here. Pero alam ko rin na hindi mo ako kayang puntahan sa tuwing gusto kitang makita.”

“I can make time for you. You know that.”

I glanced at him and caught him staring at me even if I wasn’t looking. His eyes were laced of pain and begging. It made my heart ached more. Because I know that I won’t be able to give him what he wants for us.

Umiling ako. Ayoko nang pahabain pa ang usapan namin dahil baka sa huli, hindi ko mapanindigan ang desisyon ko. Lalo pa at nakikita ko sa kanya na talagang desidido siya na ipagpatuloy ang relasyon namin kahit pa magiging malayo kami sa isa’t isa.

Naiinggit ako sa kanya dahil kaya niya na malayo sa akin. Kaya niyang magpatuloy sa buhay niya nang wala ako sa kanyang tabi. He can surely manage a long distance relationship while I can’t. We are two different person who were trying to fix a situation that we both knew will only end up the way one of us didn’t want to.

“Please, don’t make this hard for me. I already have a lot on my plate. I can’t handle another problems and responsibilities, Tovar. I’m gonna lose my mind.” I said painfully.

Masakit siyang napabuntonghininga. Ang kanyang pananahimik ay nagpahapdi lalo sa aking puso. Dahil alam kong hindi niya ipipilit ang gusto niya. Hindi niya ako pipilitin na baguhin ang desisyon ko. Hindi niya kailanman ipipilit ang sarili niya sa akin kahit pa mahal niya ako.

“Are you really breaking up with me?” His voice was rough.

Kumurap ako para pigilan ang pagbabadya ng mga luha. My heart is shattering into pieces and I can’t do something to stop it. Maybe it will never be fixed. Sana ay hindi ko pagsisihan ang desisyon kong ito.

Kasabay ng pagtango ko ay ang pagbagsak ng aking mga luha. Mabilis kong pinahid ang mga ’yon bago pa niya ako unahan.

“Y-yes. Let’s end this. I’m s-sorry.” My voice was breaking like my heart.

He never said anything anymore. He stayed silent. His silence was a painful answer that he agreed on ending our relationship because that’s what I wanted.

Tumayo ako at tumakbo papunta sa akin silid. I shut the door and continued crying on my bed.

Sa nagdaan na mga buwan, sinikap ko na hindi makibalita ng tungkol kay Tovar. Kınaya ko na malayo siya sa akin at pinutol na rin ang aming komunikasyon.

Sa tuwing namimiss ko siya, binabalikan ko ang mga palitan namin ng mensahe, ang mga litrato naming dalawa, at ang mga ginawa namin noong nasa Pilipinas pa ako. It comforted me even if I knew it wasn’t enough to fully heal me.

I got busy with my mother and the angel inside my stomach. My angel is the main reason why I am inspired despite having a broken heart. I’m going to have my baby boy in a month. My father said he will be here when I give birth. We are all excited for my son to come out.

The support that I get from people around me helped me to continue my pregnancy journey with ease. Naisip ko rin na mas masaya siguro kung kasama namin si Tovar. But I also realized that without him, I have learned to stand by myself while carrying our son. Kapag kasama ko kasi siya, alam kong sa kanya lang ako palaging dedepende. Palagi niya akong tutulungan at aalagaan. Hindi naman sa ayaw ko ng gano’n, pero kailangan kong masanay na hawakan ang sarili ko at tibayan ang paninidigan ko. Lalo na ngayon na may anak na ako. My son will depend on me. I need to be very strong for him.

I didn’t regret ending my relationship with the man I love because while I get the chance building myself for me and for my son, and at the same time helping my mom to recover, Tovar has been busy making his name known in Architectural industry. He got projects with big names. Pareho kaming naging abala sa magkaibang paraan. Siya, sa kanyang trabaho at karera. Ako naman ay sa sarili ko at sa aming anak.

I also heard from my dad that Pontevedra Scapes might be part of the biggest project from Monseratte Empire. That is the luxury Hotel & Resort in San Vicente, Palawan. The one that we visited before. I genuinely happy for him. I know he deserved all his successes because he has been working for it.

Ember: May kasamang babae!

Yukio: Maganda! Pero mas maganda ka, Verena.

Kahit na sinabihan ko ang mga kaibigan ko na tapos na ang relasyon namin ni Tovar, palagi pa rin nilang pinag-uusapan.

Verena: He’s single. He can do whatever he wants.

I have bitterness in me but I have no control over him anymore because I was the one ended our relationship. He’s free to date or to have a girlfriend. For some reason, I expected him to replace me. Kahit pa sinabi niya noon na mahihirapan siyang palitan ako.

Ember: Hindi naman siya kilalang babaero. Kaya baka hindi niya naman girlfriend.

Yukio: Kung hindi niya girlfriend, what lang? Bed warmer niya lang?

Sumimangot ako. Mas lamang na nagseselos ako kaysa nagagalit. Wala na akong karapatan sa kanya. Gano’n din siya sa akin. Hindi niya rin naman alam na may anak na kami. Kung sakaling alam niya, ano kaya ang gagawin niya?

Verena: I don’t wanna hear news about him. I’m still moving on.

Yukio: Sorry, hun. Btw, we are gonna book tickets this week. Dapat nandiyan kami kapag lumabas na si baby.

Ember: Right! I’m so excited! See you again soon, pretty pregnant!

My father arrived earlier than we expected. He looked okay for me even though he loose some weight. He’s still handsome and fit despite the problems he has been facing back home.

“Oh, sweetheart, I am surprise! Akala ko next week ka pa darating. That’s why you weren’t answering my messages, ha!” Si mommy na nagagalak na makita ang kanyang pinakamamahal.

They kissed and hugged each other. “I wanted to surprise my girls here.”

Dahan-dahan akong lumapit sa kanya dahil malaki na ang tiyan ko. Hindi na siya nakapaghintay sa akin kaya sinalubong niya ako ng yakap at halik sa noo.

“My baby is going to be a mommy. This always made me emotional, Verena.”

I laughed a bit because his eyes moist with tears already. My little family is complete again. Ito palagi ang hinihintay ko na mangyari. Mabuti nalang ay nagkaroon ng oras si daddy na makabisita sa amin. Kapag narito siya, mas lumalakas si mommy.

We are preparing my baby’s little space on my bedroom. We bought him crib, baby stuffs, and clothes. I am ready to give birth but I am nervous. I’m just grateful because my father will be there.

“I panicked when your mother gave birth to you. I think, I need to be ready again.”

“Kung sinabi natin kay Tovar, siya sana ang kasama ni Verena.” My mom said casually.

Abala kami sa pag-aayos ng crib at pagtutupi ng baby clothes. I am sitting at the edge of my bed. Silang dalawa naman ang nagpapaganda ng crib.

“He’s extremely busy right now. But I’m sure he’d give time for his babies here.”

“Wala bang girlfriend, Phil?” Mas kyoryoso pa si mommy kaysa sa akin.

“Hindi ko alam. Wala siguro.”

“Nagkikita ba kayo?”

“Oo. We have constant communication due to the projects that we are working together.”

Napatingin ako kay daddy. Hindi ko alam na may proyekto siya na kasama si Tovar.

“Hindi niyo ba pinag-uusapan si Verena?”

Nanliliit ang mga mata ko. Maybe my mother thinks that I wanted to know if Tovar still talks about me. What if he had a girlfriend? He stopped thinking about me for sure!

“I was the one who always talked about Verena. I feel sorry that my daughter had to end her relationship with him.”

“Dad! You really said that?”

Tumawa siya. “Don’t worry, I didn’t tell him that you’re carrying his child. Verena, I feel guilty whenever I saw Tovar. Mabuti nalang at madalang siyang magtanong tungkol sa ’yo.”

“Ano naman po ang mga itinatanong niya?”

Nanunukso akong tinignan ni mommy. Inirapan ko siya.

“How are you? What’s up with you? I told him you started reviewing for your board exam even if we don’t know yet when you can do it.”

That’s also the important thing that I do during my stay here in Los Angeles. I started reviewing and studying to get ready for my board exam. It wasn’t full time review but it helped me to refresh my mind. I’ve been reading different books too. My father brought some of his books here for me to read. Then we bought books about pregnancy and motherhood.

“And?”

“Like usual, he offers his help. Sabihin ko lang daw sa kanya kung ano ang maitutulong niya sa ’yo o sa atin.”

“That’s really sweet! I feel guilty na rin tuloy that we are hiding his child from him.” My mother sighed dramatically.

“Bakit ba kasi hindi mo sabihin sa kanya, anak?” Tanong ni daddy, nagtataka.

“Puwede ko naman pong sabihin. Uh, I wasn’t ready lang when he was here.”

“Then why don’t we tell na?” Excited ang aking ina. “Besides, we are soon to go back to the Philippines. I’m recovering.”

Kinabahan ako bigla. Para akong natataranta.

“Even though he’s very busy, he can still fly here before you give birth, Verena.”

“I’ll think about it, dad, mom. I’m kinda nervous.”

Should I do it? Should I tell him that I’m going to give birth in a month?

CHAPTER 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

I gave birth to a healthy baby boy.

When I saw my son while crying cutely on my arms, I felt like the world just gifted me an angel that I will love endlessly. I was very emotional when I carried him. All the pain, hardships, and sacrifices were worth it. With my baby with me, I feel like I can conquer everything.

Tovar still didn’t know that we have a child. It didn’t help when I discovered that he was seen with different women in some events and occasions. He must be dating them or probably one of them was his girlfriend. Kaya hindi ko na rin sa kanya ipinaalam ang sitwasyon ko.

We continued to live another three years in Los Angeles while my mom is healing from leukemia. Without us realizing that my father was already experiencing a severe stress due to the lawsuits and the fact that our Architectural firm is starting to face bankruptcy.

“Cadmus, come to mommy, I’m waiting…” I told my son with smile so he will walk towards me.

I wide my arms to welcome him. He giggled cutely the moment he got near me. I kissed his head and brought him to my lap.

He’s very much like Tovar. Kahit na ngumingiti siya o napapatawa ko siya, kapag seryoso siya at may ginagawa, nakikita ko sa kanya ang daddy niya. When he’s focused, he won’t glance at me unless I called him. He got his father’s eyes and hair. Malaki rin siya kumpara sa edad niya. Kaya madalas ay nahihirapan ako kapag binubuhat o kinakarga siya.

My mom will talk to her doctor if she can now continue her medication to the Philippines. We really need to go back home. My father’s secretary has been calling us to tell what he was doing. He became alcoholic. He rarely go to work. Kapag nasa bahay naman siya, tumatawag sa amin si Lota para magsumbong nang mga ginagawa ni daddy.

“We are going to the Philippines soon.” I said gently.

Tinignan niya ako. I can’t help but pursed my lips. It seems to me that I am staring back at the very young version of Tovar Pontevedra. Kapag nakita niya si Cadmus, tiyak na malalaman niya agad na anak niya.

“To my daddy? To my grandpa?” He just turned three so his speaking voice is still sweet and cute. There are still words that he can’t pronounce perfectly.

Even if I do baby-talking, he didn’t copy me. I guess, it’s fine. I always baby him because he’s still a baby to me. Sometimes he’s fine with it, sometimes he didn’t. But I’m glad he likes to cuddle with me.

“Yes.”

Tumalon-talon siya sa sobrang saya niya. Kapag bumibisita sa amin si daddy, palagi silang magkasama. He doesn’t have a father figure here because he’s surrounded by women. That’s why he loved being with my dad.

When he thought that his father was my dad, that’s when I told him about Tovar. Hindi ko gusto na nalilito siya sa kung sino ang ama niya. Besides, I didn’t have plan to hide Tovar from him. Kaya ipinakilala ko agad sa kanya.

“I’m gonna see my grandpa again! We are going to play!” He’s jumping adorably.

Tumango ako. I am happy seeing him this excited. Gusto ko na rin naman bumalik sa Pilipinas para matulungan si daddy sa PRA. Baka sakaling makaahon pa kami.

Cadmus also want to go to preschool. I might enroll him in the Philippines. No matter what, we will go back home.

I answered the video call from my friends.

“What? Are you going back here? Finally! Bring Cadmus with you!” Ember screamed exaggeratedly.

“I’m gonna spoiled our baby Cadmus talaga!” Yukio clapped his hands.

I turned the camera to where my son was. He’s on the picnic blanket near me, coloring his books.

“He’s going to preschool there. Maybe you guys can help me with that.” I chuckled.

“Sure! I can pick him up or drop him off!”

“Sagot ko na ang snacks or milk niya!” Yukio laughed.

“Habang hindi pa alam ni daddy Tovar, kami muna ang sasagot ng milk ng anak niya!”

Nagtawanan silang dalawa. I admired them because they know how to keep a secret. They are very supportive too.

I have been trying to avoid being stressed, but when we arrived in the Philippines, the mess that my father’s left in PRA is just so hard to handle. He has unfinished projects and the clients are already bugging us for the remaining designs of their houses.

Ogvalio is my father’s secretary for decades. He knows what to do but he cannot completely deliver the designs without my dad’s approval and signature.

“Verena, I’m relieve you and your mom are finally back home. I hope your dad will get back his drive in working again.”

Ang una kong ginawa kinabukasan nang dumating kami ay bisitahin ang aming firm. We lost employees. May mga nanatili dahil hindi pa sila tapos sa kanilang trabaho. I don’t know until when is their contract in PRA. I must ask Ogvalio because he knows almost everything.

We are on my father’s office. He has a lot of files everywhere. His working place used to be clean and cozy, now everything is in mess.

“Did he tell you about the project from Monseratte Empire?”

“No. I haven’t talk to him that much. He was drunk when we arrived. What about it?”

Kinuha ni Ogvalio ang makapal na folder at inisa-isa sa aking harap ang mga desenyo na ginawa ng aking ama para sa luxury Hotel & Resort.

“Sir Phil has been working on these designs for a couple of years already. Ang sabi niya, dapat makuha ng PRA itong proyekto na ito dahil ito lang ang susi para maka-ahon ang kumpanya. I don’t know how did he get the details of this.”

Suddenly, I remembered sending my father the photos of the map, site plan and even the exact location where the Hotel & Resorts will be built! He must used those informations to create his own designs even if the project wasn’t publicly announced yet. He got the confidential and important details in advance because of me.

Nasapo ko ang aking noo. It was my fault. It felt illegal to do this. I can’t stop the guilt that invaded me.

I scanned my father’s designs. He designed a tropical modern front beach villas, suites uphill, and private cabanas that has a view of the forest. He’s really excellent in landscapes too. That’s what I admired him the most, I think. Nakasalansan ng maayos ang mga silid, ang mga daan ay may tamang espasyo, at palagi niyang sinisigurado na ang mga halaman at puno ay naaayon na nakahilera sa paraan na hindi ang mga iyon magiging sagabal.

“Hindi niya natapos ang dalawang swimming pool at restaurants. He stopped working on that because of the lawsuits. He cannot focus anymore.”

“How can I continue this? I don’t have my license yet.”

“It doesn’t matter, Verena. If you can design the swimming pool and the restaurants, that will help PRA. Kung nagdadalawang isip ka, pwede kang magpatulong sa daddy mo. I’m sure he’d happy to help you.”

I took a deep breath. The good thing is aside from doing a self-study and doing the advance review for board exam when I was in Los Angeles, I also draws and do sketching to help me back to architecture. I honestly finished my dream vacation house with Cadmus. My son inspired me a lot.

“By the way, Verena, Architect Pontevedra will visit today to study the designs your father’s left unfinished. Siya kasi ang nag recommend sa client. Nakakahiya nga at na-istorbo siya.”

Hindi pa tapos magsalita si Ogvalio, kumakalabog na agad ang dibdib ko. Alam ko naman na anomang oras ay puwede ko siyang makita pero hindi ko inaasahan na ganito kabilis!

“Uh, where is the designs that he needs to check?”

Umalis ulit siya sa harap ko at nagpunta sa cabinet para kunin ang isa pang folder. This time it’s a residential house. It’s also unfinished. Pinag-aralan ko ang desenyo ni daddy at tinignan din kung ano-anu pa ang hindi niya nagawa.

He really has a skill that cannot be erased with one unsuccessful project. Nakakalungkot lang na sabay-sabay ang problema na dumating sa kanya at mag isa niyang hinaharap ang lahat habang malayo sa kanyang mag ina.

Natigil lang ako sa ginagawa nang tumawag si mommy. I answered it quickly, thinking that there must be emergency at home. Pati ako ay nagkaroon na rin ng kaba na baka may bago na naman suliranin sa amin.

“Mom? Why?”

“Your son is looking for you. Hindi ka ba nagpaalam?”

Oh. My baby! Damn! Hindi na nga pala ako mag isa. May anak ako na hindi sanay kapag matagal akong wala sa paningin niya. I put them on video call to see him.

“Hi, baby, are you looking for me?” My voice was sweet.

I felt a sharp pang on my chest when I saw him crying. Kinagat ko ang aking labi para hindi mahawa sa kanya.

“Sshh, anak, I’ll be home soon. Do you want me to bring you something?”

Umiling siya habang pinupunasan niya ang mga luha sa pisngi gamit ang maliliit na kamay. Humihikbi siya at namumula na ang tungki ng matangos na ilong.

“I… I o-only want my m-mommy…” he cried more.

I cleared my throat. I need to stay calm and composed. I don’t want him to see me crying even if he already making my cry.

“I’ll be home very soon. Okay?”

Tumango-tango siya.

Nakita ko si Ogvalio na sumesenyas sa akin sa pinto.

“What?” I mouthed.

“Nandito na si Architect. Papasukin ko na ba?”

Nanlalaki ang mga mata ko. Nataranta ako bigla at tumango.

“Anak, mommy needs to do something. Can we talk later?”

“No, no. Just stay. I wanna see my m-mommy…”

I stood from my chair when I saw Tovar walked in.

Even from a distance, I can already sense his heavy and powerful aura. I don’t think I would ever get use to him. His eyes were dark and menacing. He’s looking at me as if I did something wrong and he wasn’t please about it. His physique gets wider and threatening. He’s already massive before, but this time it’s more defined. He’s wearing a brown short sleeve shirt. Even the muscles on his arms became more firm and bulky enough that he made me swallowed hard.

I cleared my throat. My heart was racing so bad against my chest and it’s painful. Nanunuyo ang lalamunan ko. My hands were trembling a bit because of the sudden extreme emotion of seeing him again after years of just fantasizing him.

“Hi!” I croaked.

“Hello?” I heard my son’s voice!

Nanlalaki ang mga mata ko. I immediately muted him and turn off the camera.

When I looked at Tovar again, his eyes squinted while his gaze where on my phone above the table. Kinuha ko ’yon at tuluyan ng pinatay ang video call. Natataranta ako hindi lang dahil nandito siya sa harap ko, pati na rin sa boses ng anak ko. Anak namin!

“Have a seat,” I motioned the chair in front of the table. “Do you want something to drink?”

“No. I need to see the designs.” His voice was cold.

He sat comfortably on the chair. I smell his familiar scent. It made me feel nostalgic. I remembered liking his scent so much that I used to hug him just to smell him. I realized how clingy I was. Kaya siguro hindi ko rin kaya ang long distance relationship dahil gusto ko ay palaging nakadikit sa kanya.

I handed him the folder that Ogvalio gave to me. He scanned each of the designs.

Tahimik ko siyang pinagmamasdan. The stubbles on his jawline is trimmed cleanly and it added to his masculinity. He matured. His aura became darker and heavier. It felt like he wasn’t not the same Tovar Pontevedra that I used to love. He has changed. Not only his physique, but his aura and the way he looks at me. He’s cold and stoic. He no longer sweet and gentle.

“I’m sorry about that unfinished designs.” I said quietly.

“Did you talk to him about this?”

“Not yet. We just arrived yesterday.”

“Can you ask him if he wants to continue this otherwise you’re the one who needs to finish this.”

I gasped. He will give me the responsibility even if he knows I didn’t have experience yet.

“Is that fine? I don’t have my license yet.”

“Doesn’t matter. I will guide you with this.”

I bite the inside of my cheek. He will guide me? I think that will be a big help.

“I will let you know my father’s answer.”

The silence stretched. I can hear the loud beating of my heart. Mas lalong nadagdagan ang lakas niyon nang nakita kong tumatawag ulit si mommy. Wala sana akong balak sagutin ’yon dahil ayokong isipin niya na hindi ako naka focus sa ginagawa namin.

“Answer it,” he urged me.

But what if it was my son again? Hindi ko naman kaya na hindi siya kausapin!

I answered the call.

“Verena, he wants to video call you!”

I pursed my lips. “I can’t. Please tell him to wait for me.”

Tovar’s gaze stayed on me.

“But he’s crying. Oh, talk to him, here, Cadmus, talk to your mom…”

I waited for my son. Hikbi niya agad ang narinig ko. I can imagine his face begging me to go home.

“M-mommy! G-go home! V-video call!”

Pinilit kong maging kalmado kahit na naiiyak na naman ako dahil talagang umiiyak din ang anak ko. I can’t just cry in front of Tovar. He’d be curious. At anong idadahilan ko, huh?

“I am still working. But I will be home very soon. Can you wait for me?” Malambing ang tono ko at umaasa na mapapakalma ko siya.

“I… I w-wanna see my mommy… v-video call… p-please.”

Napapikit ako. I hope Tovar would leave very soon so I can go home to my son.

“I can’t—”

“No! No!”

I sighed. “We will later, okay?” Mas marahan na sabi ko.

“Okay, mommy…”

I ended a call when Cadmus gave back my mother the phone.

“Who’s him?” He inquired.

Tinignan ko siya. Sinigurado ko naman ang mga binitawan kong salita para hindi siya magtaka. Pero talagang may natandaan pa rin siya.

“Are you done?” Instead, I asked.

“A boyfriend? Waiting for you?” There was a sarcasm on his tone.

I shouldn’t feel offended because it wasn’t true. But it’s still hit me. How can I have a boyfriend when all I think about is him? When all my heart wants is to be with him? Did he really think I can replace him like what he did to me? Did he really think that I can easily forget him and the memories that we shared together?

Probably, he was thinking that my love for him was shallow. That is why it was not that hard for him to accused me that I had a boyfriend. Sabagay, naiintindihan ko siya. Ako ang nakipaghiwalay sa aming dalawa. Ako ang may ayaw sa long distance relationship. Hindi ko rin sinabi sa kanya na mahal ko siya. Kaya talagang iisipin niya na madali ko lang siyang ipagpapalit sa iba.

“Why do you care?” I arched my brow.

He’s taunting. Trying to figure out if there was really a boyfriend waiting for me or none.

“Let’s have dinner tonight.” He muttered in a husk.

Napalunok ako. He probably testing me. If I refused, he’d think that I really have someone waiting for me. If I said yes, he’d stop thinking about it. But I can’t have dinner with him tonight. Our son has been crying and waiting for me to be home soon.

“I can’t.”

He nods his head. “I see.”

Gusto kong sabihin sa kanya na wala. Na walang iba. Pero para saan pa?

Then I realized that he had been helping us and my father here. A one dinner with him is not that painful, right? Bilang pasasalamat na rin sa kanya. I can pay for it too. But I don’t think he’d let me. Alam niya ang sitwasyon namin. Hindi niya ako hahayaan na gumastos sa aming dalawa.

“But maybe we can do it tomorrow instead? If you’re not busy.”

“I’ll let you know. Did you change your number?”

“No. Still the same.”

“Okay. I’ll call you tonight.”

Ang bilis niyang mag desisyon. Napapatango nalang ako. But I think, I better start communicating with him again so that I can introduce him our son.

CHAPTER 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

We have started talking again. Sometimes he’d visit me in my father’s office to study the designs. He’d call during bed time. Minsan, lumalabas ako para hindi magising si Cadmus. May isang gabi kasi na naalimpungatan ang anak ko habang magkausap kami ni Tovar. Cadmus called me ‘mommy’ and I wasn’t sure if he heard it clearly. Maybe not because he didn’t question me after.

I talked to my son that tonight I will be home a little bit late. Because I’m going to have another dinner with his father. He understands me as long as I will call him, he’d be fine. He just wanna hear my voice when I was away from him. Sinasanay ko na siya na nawawala ako sa paningin niya ng ilang oras. Mabuti nalang at nalilibang siya sa bahay dahil naroon si mommy at daddy.

My father didn’t want to work. He lost his passion and drive creating designs. Tulala rin daw siya madalas sabi ni mommy. Hindi rin siya kinakausap. He’s keeping all inside of him and that’s not good. He needs to talk to us. We need to hear him.

True to Tovar’s word, he helps me with my father’s unfinished designs. He’s also praising my designs that boosted my confidence.

“When are you going to take the board exam?”

“Hopefully next year.”

We are both checking the designs and landscape of the two-story house. It inspired by Mediterranean style. The swimming pool is located at the back of the house. I just need to add space for plants, vines and palm trees around the house so it will look lively.

After this unfinished projects, I will focus on my exam. I hope my father will be back soon. I wanted to work with him. That was one of my dreams when I was studying and even until now.

“You will need to focus on that.”

“I know. Pagkatapos ng lahat ng ito, unti-unti na akong mag-re-review. I need to refresh my mind again. I did it when we were in L.A. though.”

“Yeah, I heard about it. That’s a good start. I can teach you.”

Tinignan ko siya. He’s scanning the over all designs of the house. He sounded casual but for me it’s a big deal. He will teach me and I am sure I will learn a lot from him. He top notched the board!

“Talaga?” Nabuhayan ako ng loob.

“Uh-huh.”

“I’d love that! I think, I’m gonna pass if you teach me! I’ll be proud!”

He chuckled a bit. “Well, if you have time, we can start doing it. It’s important that your knowledges will be stored in your head so you won’t forget things easily.”

“Right! I’m gonna make time for it.”

Madilim na nang matapos kami sa gagawin sa araw na ’yon. Hindi na rin namin namalayan ang oras. We are going to have dinner first before we go home. I texted my mother to let her know that I am leaving the office and I am with Tovar.

Verena:

Mom, I will have dinner with Tovar. We’re leaving soon. How’s my baby boy?

I am inside the restroom to retouch my light make up and brush my hair. I’m wearing a cream long sleeve dress and stiletto. I still need to shop new clothes because most of my clothes didn’t fit me right. My body changed when I gave birth. Especially my chest and hips area. My curves got defined.

Mom:

We are about to eat. He said, he will wait for you. Don’t make your son wait that late, Verena. Alam mo naman na hindi natutulog si Cadmus kapag wala ka pa.

Okay?

Verena:

Yes, mom. Uuwi po ako agad after dinner. I will call later to talk to him.

I ride on Tovar’s car. I don’t really drive but I think I need to start doing it. Para na rin hindi na ako nagpapahatid at sundo sa driver namin araw-araw. I can use my father’s car. That’s the only car we have. He sold two while we were in the United States.

Tovar takes me to a fine dining restaurant in Makati. I am familiar with he place because we used to date here before.

“Do you always dine here?” I asked before we entered.

“No. Only when with you.”

So, he never took his women here? Only me? Why it sounded impossible? Where he dated them then?

We are calm and casual during our dinner. Paminsan-minsan, pumapasok sa isip ko kung paano ko uumpisahan sabihin sa kanya ang tungkol kay Cadmus. I can’t find the right place or timing to tell it to him. Hindi naman ako nagmamadali, pero ang anak ko, palagi siyang nagtatanong sa akin. Lalo at alam niya na kasama ko ang daddy niya sa trabaho at kapag kumakain kami sa labas.

“I wonder if there was another woman while I was away…” I trailed.

He sipped on his wine without breaking his eye contact with me. He stayed calmed. While my heart is beating rapidly. I anticipated his answer. I am not sure what would I feel if the truth will come from him.

“Why are you asking?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “You’re single. Gwapo. Successful. Stabled. Women surely flocked on your feet. Why not date them? Right?”

“I got busy.”

“So, you never dated even once?” I urged him.

“Verena, I don’t wanna talk about this.”

“I’m just asking. I’m curious you know.”

We continued eating. Okay. He’s not comfortable talking about his women. If he ever asked me, I’ll be honest to him. I never dated another man. Bukod sa wala akong oras, wala rin akong plano, at hindi ko siya kayang ipagpalit sa iba kahit na malayo siya sa akin.

“By the way, may naalala ako. About doon sa Hotel & Resort sa Palawan, how is it? Nag umpisa na ba ang construction?”

“Not yet.”

How can I tell him that my father made a design for it? Can we submit it?

“I wanna tell you something…” I took a deep breath.

Maybe, this truth would turn him off or he’d be upset. But I cannot keep this from him. Kailangan kong sabihin sa kanya ang ginawa ko.

He straightened his sit. It looked like he’s ready for my truth.

“What is it?”

“Remember, I was with you the time when we visited the location? Hmm, I did something you didn’t know.”

His face lifted a bit, like he’s taunting and urging me to continue.

“I took a photos of the map, the site plan, and the location. I sent them to my dad…”

His face darkened. I know, he wasn’t pleased. I really fucked up. I knew it!

“I thought he was just curious. So I did what he asked me to do. Then when I arrived here, Ogvalio told me that my dad has been working on the architectural designs of the luxury Hotel & Resort especially for that project in Palawan.”

He sighed.

Napasimsim ako sa aking wine. Kinakabahan ako dahil ayokong magalit siya sa akin. Pero hindi ko naman kaya na ilihim ito sa kanya. Lalo at alam kong kasalanan ang ginawa ko.

“I wanna see his designs.”

Mabilis akong tumango. “Nasa office niya. You can check it there or I can bring to your office.”

“Can you bring it to me?”

“Uh, y-yes. If you like.”

“Bring it then. Tomorrow.”

I let out a sigh of relief. Hindi ko nakuha ang reaksyon na inaasahan ko sa kanya. Mukha namang hindi siya galit. Kalmado pa rin siya at nagpatuloy sa pagkain. Kaya gano’n na rin ang ginawa ko. At least, it didn’t make him upset.

“I’m sorry, by the way.” I said after a while.

“It’s fine. You were very young that time.”

“Still, it felt illegal.”

“Don’t worry about it. I wanna see your father’s designs and study it.”

After we ate, Tovar drove me home. Hindi ko na siya inaya na pumasok sa loob. Hindi rin naman siya nagpumilit.

My son was waiting for me outside the door. He’s already on his pajamas and sleepy. I kissed his forehead and carry him. Napangiwi ako dahil mabigat na talaga siya. He rested his face on my shoulder and yawned. Hinintay niya talaga ako bago siya matulog.

“Noong tumawag ka na on the way ka na, tumakbo agad siya sa pinto. Maybe he was hoping that he would meet his father since he knew that you two were together.” My mom said.

I caressed Cadmus’ back. He fell asleep on my arms right away.

“Hindi ko pa po nasasabi kay Tovar. But I hope one of these days, I’ll be able to tell him.”

“Sana. Kawawa naman ang apo ko. Palagi nalang naghihintay sa wala.”

Naaawa na rin naman ako sa anak ko. Alam kong gusto niya nang makita ang daddy niya. Pipilitin ko talaga na sabihin na kay Tovar para hindi na rin ako nahihirapang magtago sa kanya.

The next morning, Cadmus woke up early. While we were having breakfast, he asked me questions again.

“When I’m going to see my dad?”

Nagkatinginan kami ni mommy. My father didn’t eat with us again. It’s worrisome.

“Maybe soon, anak. I still need to talk to him.”

“Does he know about me, mommy?”

I pursed my lips. I don’t wanna lie to him. I need to be always honest so that he will do the same to me.

“Not yet, anak.”

Tumango siya agad na para bang inaasahan niya na ’yon.

Hinawakan ko ang maliit na kamay niya. “Cadmus, baby, look at mommy…”

Nag angat siya ulit ng tingin sa akin. May lungkot sa mga mata niya.

“Mommy will talk to your father about you, okay? Then once I settled it, I will bring him here to see you.”

He nods his head again. I sighed.

Today, I’m going to Tovar’s office to bring my father’s design for Hotel & Resort. It will be my first time going to Pontevedra Scapes. Nagpahatid ako sa driver namin dahil alam niya ang papunta roon.

Tovar’s office is high enough to see the skyscrapers around the area. His large table is clean and shiny. His office is spacious and there are paintings and sketches hanging on the wall. The thick glass wall behind his swivel chair gives a natural light inside.

There’s a mini living room with sofas. Another table and chairs on the other side to eat or have a meeting. A coffee and tea maker on the corner. Then another door behind the living room. He has book shelves too. The earth tone and woods made his office very cozy. Kapag ganito ang paligid, nakakagana mag trabaho.

The gold metallic name plate on his table reminded me of my dad’s. That’s literally an achievement that nobody could ever take away from you. A success that cost time, sweats, sleepless nights, and hardships.

Ar. Tovar Lewis Pontevedra

It made me smile. I added Lewis in Cadmus name to honor Tovar. He deserved to be named after our son.

I walked towards the chair in front of his large table and put down the folders and the detailed landscape structure designs that my father made.

While he’s checking the designs, I am also thinking how to talk to him about Cadmus. I am nervous but I think I shouldn’t waste more time. Naaawa na ako sa anak ko na palaging naghihintay sa akin at akala niya kasama ko ang daddy niya.

“D you think I can submit that?”

Tumango siya. “Yeah. His designs are always top-tier.”

I admired him for admiring my father even until this moment. Kahit na huminto si daddy sa pagtatrabaho, kahit na humaharap sa issue at lawsuits, his admiration for my farther’s designs stayed. He earns my respect even more.

“Okay lang kaya ang ginawa namin ni daddy? I found it unfair.”

He chuckled without humor in it. “Verena, you don’t know yet how business works. Your father just did what he thought could help his firm. Nobody should know. Don’t tell anyone about this.”

I pursed my lips. I can do it. I know how to hide things. I think I already mastered it. Nagawa ko nga na itago ang anak namin mula sa kanya. Ito pa kayang ginawa namin ng aking ama?

“Okay. This will be my little secret from now on.”

“Our little secret,” he then winked at me.

Naramdaman ko ang init sa aking pisngi. I felt like he’s still supporting me even though I made a mistake! That’s how spoiled am I to him? I can’t wait for him to spoil our son.

“What is this? Come…” he said after a while.

Lumapit ako sa kanya para makita ko ang tinutukoy niya. He’s pointing to a blank direction of the lanscape.

Iginala ko ang aking mata sa kabuuan, napansin ko na wala pa ang mga swimming pool at restaurants. I moved a bit so I can explain to him directly. My movement made me feel his knees on my legs.

“Uh, I believe this area is for the main swimming pool. See? It’s facing the ocean. I think, it’s best to have an infinity pool there.”

“Hmm, you think so?” He then placed his hand on my waist.

Kinagat ko ang aking labi. Isang hawak niya palang sa akin, naramdaman ko na agad ang pananabik ko sa kanya na matagal-tagal ko rin na tiniis.

“Yes. And, this, I would build a swimming pool bar… then here is the main restaurant…”

He’s caressing my waist. I am affected. He’s intentionally doing that while he’s pretending that he’s listening to me!

“How about this? What would you do on this space?” He pointed the one that is located at the corner where there’s enough space for another room, but I think of something to add.

“Here? I am going to build a…” Hindi ko natapos ang sinasabi ko dahil marahan niya akong dinala sa kandungan niya.

My face heated so bad. I don’t wanna look at him. I’m literally sitting on his lap like what I used to do before. He made my heart race, but he also gives me comfort.

He wrapped his arms around me while he’s resting his chin on my shoulder.

“Continue please,” he whispered gently.

I took another deep breath. Katulad ng palagi niyang ipinaparamdam sa akin, hindi ko pa rin kontrolado hanggang ngayon ang pintig ng puso ko tuwing nariyan siya.

“… since it’s a luxury hotel and resort, it is necessary to have a spa. I’d build a spa here.”

“Right.” He’s slightly nodding his head to agree to me.

“My father forgot to add a private pool on the suites uphill. Do you think with this kind of land, we can add a private pool?”

“Possibly. Why don’t you add it?”

“I need to ask him if there’s enough space.”

“I can see that he left these spaces…” he pointed what he’s talking about. “… for the pool, I guess.”

Namangha ako sa kanya. He has a sharp eyes for the designs and the measurements of the suites. I didn’t see it. Kailangan ko pang tignan ulit para makita.

“Oh, I saw it now. So, I think, these spaces are meant for a private swimming pool. See? It’s facing the ocean from above.”

“He got the vision. I don’t know if he ever visited the location to create this kind of designs. Spectacular.”

Nilingon ko siya. I just wanna thank him for always admiring my father’s designs. Nagkatinginan kami. Medyo nakatingala siya sa akin dahil nasa kandungan niya ako.

“Thank you for still admiring my father’s designs despite the lawsuits he was facing.”

“You can’t disregard a person’s skill in just one mistake.”

He caressed my cheek using the back of his hand.

I was not sure what really happened between us, I just found myself kissing him back.

Nakapikit ang aking mga mata habang sinasabayan ko ang marahan at nananabik na halik na iginagawad niya sa akin. Ang palad niya ay humahaplos sa aking hita paangat sa tiyan ko. Sa kabila nang pag iinit ng aking katawan, hindi ko pa rin mapigilan ang paghuhumerentado ng puso ko. Sa kanya lang talaga tumitibok ng ganito.

“Mmm…” I moaned when he slid his palm under my skirt, teasing my inner thighs.

I am already aroused with the way he kissed and caressed me, but right now, he’s making my body on fire. If he ever continue this, I’d really end up moaning above him. I cannot hide my longing for him. I want him so bad that my body aches.

Drowned with the tingling sensation, I parted my thighs a bit to welcome his hand. Our kisses gets hotter and wilder. Ramdam na ramdam ko na nasasabik din siya sa akin.

I tilted my head while panting. Ang tagal kong hindi nahalikan. Hindi ko kaya ang matagalan. His lips travelled down to my neck while his finger was already touching my femininity. I am wet and very turn on. It made me blush.

“Tovar…” I gripped on the fabric on his arm.

Namumungay ang mga mata niya habang pinapanood ako na naliligayahan sa ginagawa niya sa pagitan ng aking mga hita. Wala akong ibang maramdaman kundi ang init ng makamundong pagnanasa.

He’s gently rubbing my flesh, spreading the wetness in every corner of it. Napapadaing ako sa ligaya. My lips parted when I felt him inserted his finger on my entrance. He moves it. Marahan na nilalabas-pasok niya ang daliri niya sa loob. Nahihibang ako at talagang napapakapit sa kanya.

“Uuhh!” I whimpered breathlessly and buried my face on his neck.

His expensive perfume only brought me back when we were together before while doing the same thing he’s doing to me now.

“I missed my baby so bad,” he whispered huskily against my earlobe which made my heart ached.

I knew how much he missed me. I knew the pain and frustration I gave him when I broke up with him. I was aware with my actions and decisions. I feel sorry but I don’t regret any of it.

Alam ko rin sa sarili ko na kahit anong pilit kong sabihin na tanggap ko ang nangyari sa amin, hindi pa rin maitatanggi na mahal ko siya. I love him so fiercely that I can bear living away from him… that I can still love him deeply despite the storms and uncertainties.

“I missed you too.” I whispered back with my sweet begging tone.

CHAPTER 17

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

The familiar electrifying sensation is once again invaded my body. His hot kisses, gentle caresses, and his sweet whisperings on my ear, everything reminded me of our past. I am drowned with the sensation that only him can give me.

His lips on my neck while his fingers continued to sensually move inside and outside of my entrance. I am soaking wet and very, very ready for him. My body is clouded by fire that burns my skin.

My face stayed on his neck. My other arm on his shoulder. I need to put all my weight on him otherwise I’m going to fall apart. Dahil sa kaluguran na nararamdaman ko, nanghihina ako. I am sensitive down there, his touch made me loose my energy.

“Mmmm….”

I arched my back when he inserted another finger inside of me. His thumb expertly found my throbbing nub and he started to massage it in a circular motion. Para akong nawawala sa ulirat sa tindi ng ligaya na ipinaparanas niya sa akin. Mahigpit ang kapit ko sa kanyang balikat na tila ba iyon lang ang paraan para hindi ako tuluyang mahulog sa bangin ng kamunduhan.

“I wanna taste you.” He whispered hoarsely.

Kinagat ko ang labi ko. Isipin ko palang na gagawin niya ulit ’yon sa akin pagkatapos ng ilang taon, nag-a-apoy na agad ang buong katawan ko. I could almost taste heaven thinking about his tongue passionately torturing my femininity. I gasped with my own idea.

“I want you inside of me.” I said, almost begging him to take me.

Nakakaiyak at nakakapanghina ang emosyon na bumabalot sa akin. Gustung-gusto kong maramdaman ulit siya na inaangkin ako. I missed the feeling of having him fully inside of me. I am yearning to feel him again and to make our bodies one.

I grind above him to tease his hard on beneath me. My movement made him growled.

“Please…” I begged.

Tovar unbuckled his leather belt and unzipped his pants. I even helped free his manhood. Kinagat ko ang aking pang-ibabang labi nang mahawakan ko ’yon. It’s warm, hard, and throbbing in rage. I’ve been feeling him and that also added to my burning arousal.

I looked at him and kissed his lips again. He guided me to where he can take me properly. He placed both of my knees on his sides while my thin forearms wrapped around his nape. We’re doing that while we are kissing torridly.

He pulled my laced panty on the side and positioned his tip on my entrance. He didn’t insert it right away. He’s teasing me and that’s only made me desperate. I wanted him so bad that I am in pain.

“Tovar… please…”

Hinawakan niya ako sa bewang at bahagyang inangat. Then he pinned me down on his hard shaft. Napapikit ako at napadaing habang naghahalikan kami dahil sa pinaghalong sakit at sarap ng muli naming pag iisa.

He groaned like a mad man in the woods. That we had to stop the kiss because we both felt the satisfaction that invaded us when our bodies united as one.

“Fuck,” he cursed under his breath and tilted his head a bit.

My heart is racing like crazy. I endured the discomfort of having him fully inside of me. Masaya ako na nangyari ito sa amin sa kabila ng suliranin sa aking buhay. At least, even for a moment, I felt the bliss with him.

We started kissing again after a moment of silence. This time, our kisses became passionate. Hindi nagmamadali. Hindi sobrang nananabik. Tila ba naging kuntento ulit nang malaman na pag-a-ari namin ang isa’t isa at walang dahilan para madaliin ang patuloy na pag-angkin.

“Oohhh…”

My sexy moans echoed when he started to thrust roughly and deeply. At the same time he’s guiding my waist and pinning me down against his manhood. Katulad ko, nalulugod din siya dahil alam niyang siya lang talaga ang lalaki sa buhay ko. Siya lang ang natatangi.

“Ohhh! Ohhh! Tovar! Mmm!”

“Baby, lower your moans,” he whispered erotically on my ear.

Buong mukha ko ang uminit. I buried my face on his neck again and continued moaning against his skin. This time, I really tried to lower the sounds of pleasure coming from my mouth.

Patuloy siya sa pag-angkin sa akin. Kahit na nararamdaman ko ang kaunting hapdi, binalewala ko ’yon. Suddenly, I wasn’t use with his size. He’s huge and thick. It really stretched the muscles on my femininity.

“You’re so tight…” nahihirapan ang namamamaos na boses niya. “Tang ina…”

Mas lalo kong isiniksik ang mukha ko sa leeg niya at niyakap siya. He’s already hitting my lower abdomen and I can taste the paradise I haven’t been for years.

“Tovar…” I called him sexily when I felt it.

He growled and cursed after he buried his manhood inside of me. His heavy breathing was like music to my ears. He’s panting like me. His strong hands stayed on the sides of my waist. He then rested his lips on my temple as he filled me inside.

I have my shot. I had it before we go back in the Philippines. I wanted to make sure that I am not going to have an unwanted pregnancy. It was like a shield that I have with me just in case I face the man that I love and he decided to load me with his bullets again. I have protection. I am protected.

My mom called me during my late lunch in PRA. We’ve been working with the unfinished designs. I got help from our employees . Tovar will visit me here for updates and to also guide me on what I should do.

“Verena, can I bring Cadmus to the Mall? We are going to buy some groceries. I think he’s kinda bored here. Your father chooses to stay in the library than to play with his grandson.”

“Okay, mom. I think I’ll be home early. I’m almost done for today. Where is Cadmus?”

“He’s taking his afternoon nap. We will leave once he woke up.”

“I’m going to be free this weekend. Maybe I’ll take Cadmus somewhere? I know he misses being with me.”

“You better. He’s such a sweet boy. If only you can take him with you there, he won’t gonna miss you that much.”

Puwede ko naman siyang dalhin sa PRA, kaya lang palaging narito si Tovar. Dapat talaga masabi ko na sa kanya ang tungkol kay Cadmus para makasama ko na ulit palagi ang anak ko kahit pa nagtatrabaho ako. He’d be happy staying with me and seeing me all day.

Tovar came to the office when I am already preparing to leave. I will have my dinner at home. My son is waiting for me already.

“Are you leaving?” He asked me.

“I was about to.”

Nilapag niya ang folder sa lamesa. He studied the Mediterranean styled designs that we finished working together. Now, he gives it back to me.

“Bring this to your dad and have him check it.”

Kinuha ko ’yon. I hope my dad will be cooperative regarding this matter. He’s not really inspired. He doesn’t even talk to us.

“Okay. I will try my best to have him check this.”

Nagkatinginan kami. Wala na naman akong sasabihin sa kanya dahil kailangan ko ng umuwi. We haven’t really talk about what we did inside his office. I just let it slide.

My phone suddenly vibrated above the table. My mom is calling me again. Cadmus probably bugging her to call me. Sinagot ko agad ’yon.

“Mom—”

“Verena! Your father… he… h-he suddenly…” she cannot finish her words. She’s panicking.

“Mom, what happened?” I am already worried.

“We are on our way to the h-hospital. Phil passed out. I… w-we don’t know what happened to him…” she’s sobbing.

Kahit na gusto kong kalmahin ang sarili ko, hindi ko talaga kaya. Something bad happened to my dad!

“Let me know which hospital, mom. Pupuntahan ko kayo.”

“O-okay! Please! I am very w-worried now. He’s not responsive!”

My hands were shaking.

“What’s happening? Verena?” Tovar’s baritone made me jump on my feet a bit.

“We… I need to go to the hospital. Something happened to my dad.”

“Let’s go then.”

Kinuha ko ang bag ko at sumunod kay Tovar. We ride on his slick black Lexus.

Madilim na at medyo traffic din. The hospital is thirty minutes away from where we are. My mom kept on updating me about what’s going on. The nurses and doctor already attended to my father.

Nanginginig ako sa sobrang kaba at pagkabahala. My dad is very stressed. Maybe that is the reason why he passed out? What else will it be?

I felt the warm callous hand that covered mine. Napatingin ako kay Tovar. His eyes were focused on the road but he sensed that I am silently panicking.

“He will be fine. Relax.”

I’m trying to relax and calm down. Pero habang tumatagal na papalapit kami sa hospital, lalo lang nadadagdagan ang pagkabahala ko. My mother is already healing. Now, my father is hospitalized. Sana ay hindi gano’n kalala ang nangyayari kay daddy.

When we arrived, I immediately found where is the emergency room. I run at the hallway and saw my mom, Mechita and Cadmus sitting at the sofas outside of the E.R.

When my son saw me, he stood up and ran towards me. His medium-length wavy hair were bouncing as he runs. He’s wearing a baby blue t-shirt, beige shorts, and a Polo Ralph Lauren leather flip-flops.

“Mommy! Mommy!” He called me excitedly like he didn’t see me for years.

I bend a bit to welcome him in my arms. I kissed his forehead and carried him after. He’s getting heavy though. Kapag kinakarga ko siya para na rin akong nag-e-exercise.

Naglakad ako papunta kila mommy. Nanlalaki ang mga mata nila ni Mechita–na para bang nakakita sila ng multo sa may likod ko. They wanted to panic but they can’t react exaggeratedly.

Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig nang matanto ko kung ano ang ikinagugulat nila.

My mind was too occupied to see my father and I didn’t realize that my mom has Cadmus with them. At hindi rin alam ni mommy na kasama ko si Tovar.

I felt Cadmus rested his face on my shoulder while looking at the man behind me.

I swallowed hard. My heart was booming against my chest. I didn’t plan to make my son and Tovar meet today. Not in this way. Indeed, there are things that is beyond my control.

“How’s dad?” My voice almost broke.

“Ah, he’s inside. The doctor is checking him.” Tumingin ulit si mommy sa likod ko. “Hi, Tovar. It’s good to see you again.”

“G-good evening, Architect.” Magalang na bati ni Mechita na napapayuko pa.

Ayaw ko siyang lingunin kahit na ramdam na ramdam ko ang kaguluhan at katanungan galing sa kanya.

“Mommy, I’m hungry.” Cadmus turned to me and cupped my face with his little hands.

“Hindi na kami nakakain. He needs to eat.” My mom urged me to do it and even motioned me to leave with Tovar.

“Okay. We’ll eat outside.”

“There are some restaurants nearby. No fast foods. Okay, sweet boy?” My mom told my son which made him nodded his head.

Inayos ko ang pagkarga sa kanya at medyo napangiwi dahil nangawit agad ang mga braso ko.

“Anak, can you walk?” I asked softly.

Cadmus shook his head and buried his face on my shoulder again.

I gave my bag to Mechita to lessen the weight I’m carrying. I took a deep breath before I slowly turned to face Tovar.

Tila malalagutan ako ng hininga sa diin at dilim ng titig niya sa akin. Ang mga katanungan at pang-aakusa sa kanyang mga mata ay halatang-halata. Umiigting ang panga niya. Kontrolado niya ang kanyang emosyon. Kalmado pa rin siya sa kabila ng nakikita niya.

“Uh, I think we need to eat first.” I said casually, but I am really anxious.

“Go ahead. Kami na muna ang bahala rito. I will call you once the doctor is done, Verena.” My mother pushed us to leave.

Nauna na akong maglakad. Gusto ko mang bilisan, kaya lang ay karga ko si Cadmus. Ngayon pa talaga niya ayaw magpababa. Ang layo pa naman ng lalakarin namin bago makalabas sa malaki at pribadong hospital na ito.

“Do you want me to carry him?” Tovar asked me calmly.

Cadmus shook his head against my shoulder. He knows Tovar though. Hindi niya rin inaasahan na ngayon niya makikita ang daddy niya.

“Masyado kang seryoso. Baka natatakot siya sa ’yo,” sabi ko. “Hindi siya masyado nakakaintindi ng Tagalog pero mabait naman siya. Hindi lang siya sanay sa ’yo.”

“I see.”

I stretched my arms when I settled Cadmus on the beige leather sofa. We are in a restaurant just a few minutes walk from the hospital. Tovar is sitting in front of us.

“What do you wanna eat?” I showed Cadmus the menu like what I always do whenever we eat outside.

I noticed that Tovar is just watching us. He didn’t care about the menu or the foods.

“This? You want honey chicken? How about mashed potatoes with it?”

“Yes,” my son nodded his head politely. “… and bocoli, mommy.”

I pouted my lips a bit because of his cute pronunciation.

“Broccoli for Cadmus. Okay, mommy got it.”

Hinaplos ko ang kanyang buhok. He got similar hair with the man in front of us.

“How about you?” I asked Tovar.

“Don’t worry about me.”

I called the waiter with my hand. He got our orders and left.

Nagkakatitigan ang mag ama ko pero hindi sila nagsasalita. Pakiramdam ko, kilala na nila ang isa’t isa. They can feel their strong connection. The silence always speak louder than words. Especially during this moment.

Tovar parted his lips when Cadmus cutely waved at him.

“Are you my daddy?” My son innocently asked him.

He pursed his lips tightly. Nakita ko ang paglunok niya. Hindi na madilim ang kanyang mga mata. His gaze has a glimpse of gentleness while staring at our son.

I turned to face Cadmus. Hinawakan ko ang dalawang kamay niya. He’s looking back at me. I feel like he knows what I was about to do. He looked excited but he’s trying to be patient so I can talk to him first.

“Cadmus, baby, remember my promise to you?”

He nodded his head. He’s very attentive. “Yes, mommy.”

“This man…” I motioned Tovar, who’s watching us closely. “… his name is Tovar Lewis Pontevedra. He’s your… father.”

Lumiwanag ang mukha niya nang marinig niya galing sa akin na ama niya nga talaga ang kasama namin.

Nang tignan ko si Tovar, para siyang nawawalan ng lakas. I can see the surprise on his face and at the same time the relieve to know that he’s indeed the father of Cadmus.

“Uh, Tovar, this is Cadmus Lewis… our son.” I introduced properly despite my fast heartbeat.

Napatingala siya ng bahagya at masakit na napapikit. He swallowed hard as if something on his throat made him difficult to breathe.

Binigyan ko siya ng oras para damahin ang lahat ng nararamdaman niya sa mga sandaling ito. Alam kong nabigla siya. Marami rin siguro siyang tanong na handa ko naman din sagutin.

Kinuha ko si Cadmus at dinala sa kandungan ko. We are both waiting for his father to get himself together again. So that I can give my son to him.

“Daddy is very surprised,” I whispered sweetly. “Can you give him a hug?”

Tumango siya agad na para bang kanina niya pa gustong gawin ’yon. Dinala ko siya sa daddy niya.

Tovar immediately opened his arms and brought our son into his chest. Yumuko siya at ipinahinga niya ang kanyang labi sa ibabaw ng ulo ni Cadmus. His muscled strong arms wrapped around the small body of our son.

They are a sight to behold. A heartwarming image that I’ve been dreaming to happen. A memories that will stay in my head. A picture of two person that means the world to me.

I wiped the tears that rolled down my cheek. My heart is melting while watching them hugging each other like there was no tomorrow. I am very happy for my son because I knew he has been waiting for this day to happen.

Tumayo ako para makisali sa yakapan nilang dalawa. My one hand is place on Tovar’s nape, the other one is caressing our son’s hair who’s resting on his wide chest.

“I’m sorry, it took me so long to introduce him.” I whispered sincerely.

CHAPTER 18

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

After we ate, we went back to the hospital.

My father is already on his private room. He’s awake but he can’t talk properly yet. The doctor said he has a mild stroke. Mabuti raw at naagapan agad dahil posible na mas malala pa ang nagyari sa kanya. They also did some laboratory test to make sure that he doesn’t have underlying sickness.

Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya at marahan na pinisil. The other side of his body is numb. Ginalaw niya ang mga daliri niya na hawak ko bilang senyales na alam niya pa ang nangyayari.

“Daddy, I have a good news for you…”

As a response, he moved his fingers again.

“Tovar and Cadmus have met today. They are here with us.”

Naka-upo ang mag ama ko sa mahabang sofa. Tovar is watching our son plays with the car toys that he just bought outside. He’s also caressing Cadmus’ hair.

“Magpagaling ka agad, please? I want you to see my designs. I am very inspired now to work in PRA. I will do everything to make you proud of me.” My tears began to flow.

But I don’t want my father to see me crying. Kaagad kong pinalis ang luha ko. I cleared my throat.

My mother sat on the other side of the bed. Hinaplos niya ang mukha ni daddy. She is really healing. She has energy to take care of her husband now.

“Of course, your dad will be very proud of his only daughter. Sa daddy mo kaya ikaw nagmana.” She gave him a warm loving smile.

“I will be back here tomorrow. I will show you my designs, dad!” I made my voice excited but deep inside my heart is breaking. I hate seeing him being this weak and sick.

Dumating si Mechita na may dalang dalawang bag. Umuwi siya sa amin para kuhanan sila mommy ng mga damit at iba pa nilang kakailanganin sa hospital. Kahit sabihan ko ang aking ina na sa bahay matulog, alam kong hindi siya papayag. Mechita will also sleep here.

“I think, it’s time for you to go home, Verena. Tignan mo ang anak mo, inaantok na.”

I glanced at them. Cadmus is already resting on his father’s chest. Humihikab na rin siya.

It’s ten in the evening already. It’s late for my son’s bedtime.

Tumayo ako at hinalikan si daddy sa noo. Lumapit din ako kay mommy para yakapin siya.

“Mom, don’t think too much, huh? Dad will be fine. He will recover soon.”

Marahan niyang tinapik ang likod ko. “Magiging malakas ako para sa daddy mo. Huwag kang mag-alala sa akin. I am a survivor. Remember?”

That made me laugh a bit. “Yeah. You’re such a brave woman. I aspired to be you!”

My mother has been fighting to save her life from death. Mabigat ang pinagdaanan niya ngunit nalagpasan niya ’yon. Nakakamangha ang katapangan na mayroon siya. Sana ay may gano’n na klaseng tapang din ako. Mahirap man ang mga suliranin, malakas man ang mga bagyo, nagawa pa rin niyang lagpasan ang lahat ng ’yon.

“Verena, matapang ka sa sarili mong paraan. You’re a warrior with a soft heart.”

“Thanks, mom. That’s inspired me to continue fighting.”

Pagkatapos kong magpaalam kay mommy, nakita ko si Mechita na masayang pinagmamasdan ang mag ama ko.

“Ma’am, ang saya nilang panoorin. Magkamukha sila!” Maligayang sambit niya.

I gave her a small smile. “Thank you for not leaving us, Mechita. Your help means so much to our family.”

“Kahit saan, kahit kailan, handa ko kayong samahan, Ma’am. Kulang pa nga itong ginagawa ko sa inyo. Tatlong anak ko na ang naka graduate sa kolehiyo dahil sa scholarship na ibinigay ni Sir Phil. Labis talaga ang pasasalamat namin sa pamilya niyo.”

My father has been helping our employees’ children through giving them scholarships. Kahit na naka graduate na sa kolehiyo ang mga anak ni Mechita, hindi niya pa rin kami iniiwan. May apat na araw siyang day off sa isang buwan. Ginagamit niya ’yon ng buo para makasama ang pamilya niya.

Hindi rin naman mahigpit sila mommy. Kapag gustong umuwi ng mga kasambahay namin or kahit na sino na katuwang namin sa bahay, pinapayagan nila agad at binibigyan din ng travel allowance.

Lumapit ako sa sofa. Cadmus is already sleeping.

“Let’s go home.” I said quietly as I grabbed my shoulder bag and the car toys.

“Come back tomorrow after work, please?” Pahabol ni mommy sa amin pagkatapos niyang halikan ang braso ni Cadmus.

“We will, mom.”

I sat at the backseat of the car. Tovar carefully give me our son. Ingat na ingat siya na hindi magising. I can’t wait to see him look after Cadmus.

“I can bring him tomorrow to PRA. So you can see him again.”

He glanced at me through the mirror.

“I’m gonna sleep with both of you tonight.” He decided.

Niyakap ko si Cadmus. It was a long day. I just wanna rest. I will not argue with him. I owe him this moment. I will let him sleep with our son.

Mabilis lang ang naging biyahe namin dahil wala ng traffic. Maingat kong inilapag sa kama namin si Cadmus. Then I stretched my arms again.

“He’s getting heavy. I get muscles na kakakarga sa kanya.”

We are both standing at the edge of the bed while watching our son sleeping peacefully.

“He looked like me when I was a kid,” he said proudly.

Nilingon ko siya. He’s crossing his arms while his other hand is on his chin. His arms positioned defined his muscles there. He probably work out enough to achieve that bulk.

I cleared my throat when he caught me staring at his arms. Then he smirked.

“What is something interesting in my arms, hmm?” There was sarcasm on his tone.

Hindi naman siguro ako mukhang natatakam habang tinitignan ko ang mga braso niya?

My friends used to tease me being headlock by Tovar’s arms. ’Yan tuloy, minsan, gano’n na rin ang iniisip ko at sa mainit na paraan pa.

I leered and crossed my arms above my chest.

Hinapit niya ako at dinala sa kanyang harapan. He then wrapped his arms around my shoulders. They are heavy but always comforting me.

Gusto kong tumili sa kahihiyan dahil naiisip ko ang mga sinasabi ng kaibigan ko tungkol sa kanya. That headlock thing became my friends trademark aside from he’s calling them “daddy”. Puro kalokohan talaga ang mga ’yon. They will be happy once I told them that Cadmus and Tovar have met already.

“We still need to talk, Verena.” His baritone tickled something in me.

“Can we do it some other time? I’m kinda tired.”

“I want us to have a family trip this weekend. Can you make time for us?”

While my father is in the hospital?

But then again, I remember that my parents wanted me to tell Tovar about Cadmus even before. Alam ko na maiintindihan nila kung mag request man siya na magkaroon sila ng oras mag ama. Ilang taon din ang ipinagkait ko sa kanya. Ngayon lang niya binabawi ang mga ’yon.

“Okay. He’d be excited for sure.”

“Kilala niya ba ako?”

Marahan akong tumango.

“Oo. I introduced you to him at early age. Akala niya kasi si daddy ang daddy niya noong nasa America kami. He called my father as ‘daddy’ because that’s what he heard from me. I showed him your photos and our photos together, so he can have a visual of you. He knows your name too. I told him that the “Lewis” is your second name that I added to his name to… honor you.“

He took a breath behind me. I felt his chest waved a bit because of it. His embrace tightened a bit.

Alam ko na gusto niyang marinig ang mga nangyari noong wala siya sa buhay namin ni Cadmus. Hindi ko ipagdadamot sa kanya ang lahat ng ’yon.

Hinawakan ko ang mga braso niya na palagi kong ginagawa sa tuwing ganito ang posisyon namin noon.

“When we arrived here, he anticipated to see you. Kapag uuwi ako, palagi siyang naghihintay sa pinto. Akala niya siguro kasama kita.” Ngumuso ako.

I felt sad for my baby boy. But his anticipation has ended. He finally meet his father.

“And you didn’t tell me?”

“Plano ko naman na sabihin sa ’yo. Hindi lang ako nakakuha ng tamang pagkakataon na pag usapan ang tungkol sa anak natin.”

“Anak natin…” he echoed gently.

It sounded so right… so good… and so perfect.

“If only I knew you were pregnant, I would’ve stayed and never leave your side.” He sighed, frustrated.

“Buntis na ako no’ng bumisita ka sa akin.”

Hindi siya makapaniwala. Siguro iniisip niya na nabuntis ako pagkatapos niyang bumisita.

He went speechless for a moment. At least, he’s not angry at me for hiding our child from him. Siguro, hindi niya talaga kayang magalit sa akin kahit anong kasalanan pa ang magawa ko sa kanya.

“How about now? Are you sure you’re not pregnant?” He was curious.

I rolled my eyes. I am not pregnant. As long as I have my shot, I will never be. No matter how many times he loads his bullets in me.

“I’m not.”

“I wanna make sure, Verena. Baka itago mo na naman sa ’kin ang anak natin.”

I giggled. He doesn’t trust me anymore, but I found it funny.

“Tovar, I learned my lesson. Siyempre, I’m wise na. At hindi pa ako pwedeng mabuntis ulit. Cadmus is still very young. I am going to get my license pa. ’Wag mo akong bubuntisin.”

Marahan siyang natawa.

Tinapik ko ang braso niya dahil parang hindi siya seryoso!

“Maybe we can add another baby if he’s five na. What do you think?”

“Or we can have our second child after you get your license?”

“That’s too early!” Reklamo ko. “I’m gonna work pa.”

“Right. You’re going to be busy. How old is he now?”

“He just turned three.”

“Okay. When he turned five, you already have your license and working.”

That’s when we are going to have our second baby?

At bakit pala namin ito pinag-uusapan? Hindi pa naman kami nagkabalikan. Wala pang linaw kung anong relasyon ang mayroon kami sa mga sandaling ito.

While he’s getting his stuff in his car, I am taking a quick shower. I did my night skin care routine too. I am wearing a champagne Victoria’s Secret slip silk night dress. I can see the shadows of my nipples. But our room is dark enough. He won’t notice.

Nang lumabas ako sa shower room, naagaw ko agad ang atensyon niya mula sa paghaplos sa buhok ni Cadmus. Lumapat agad ang mga mata niya sa katawan ko at nagtagal sa bandang dibdib.

“You can use the shower.” I said, ignoring the sudden heat in my body because of his hot gaze.

He stood up and walked inside the shower room. Inayos ko ang puwesto ni Cadmus. I put him in the middle of our bed. There’s enough space for me and Tovar on his side.

Luckily, my bed is king-sized. Pareho kami ng anak ko na hindi sanay sa maliit na kama. Lalo na siya dahil malikot siyang matulog. I already changed his clothes too. Nagising siya ng bahagya kanina dahil doon at natulog ulit.

“I love you, baby.” I whispered and kissed his forehead.

I lay on my side and embraced him. I try to fall asleep before Tovar finished taking a shower. Pero tapos na siya lahat lahat at gising pa rin ako.

Iminulat ko ang aking mga mata para makita siya. He’s topless and wearing a black shorts. That’s when I realized that he’s indeed bulky. Not that overly bulk, but enough to make me sigh.

Kaya siguro gustung-gusto ko na nakadikit sa kanya dati dahil sa katawan niya. Lalo pa ngayon na para bang ang sarap magpakulong sa bisig niya.

When he lay down, the wide bed suddenly became small for the three of us. He turned his body to face me. He has lots of questions for sure. He can’t just do it now because it’s our bed time. Pagod na rin ako. Kaya lang ay hindi makatulog dahil siguro narito siya sa tabi namin.

He moved his arm to hug Cadmus too. And since my arm is on our son, he also hugs mine.

“Good night.” I muttered in a low sleepily tone.

“Good night,” he whispered, and leaned closer to kiss Cadmus’ forehead, then kissed my lips after.

I pretended that I was not affected by closing my eyes.

When I woke up, a heavy arm is around my waist together with small ones. I carefully moved to check on my son. He’s laying in front of me and awake.

While Tovar is sleeping behind me. Hindi ko na namalayan kailan pa siya lumipat sa likod ko.

“Morning, my baby,” I greeted my son and caressed his cheek.

Mas lalo pa siyang lumapit sa akin at pilit niya akong niyayakap. Kaya lang ay nakaharang ang mabigat na braso ng daddy niya.

“Mommy, heavy… help…” he’s having a hard time removing Tovar’s arm around me.

I chuckled. Maingat na inalis ko ang braso at nang magtagumpay, natutuwa na niyakap niya ako na para bang nakuha niya ulit ang dapat sa kanya lang.

“Do you wanna go with me today? To grandpa’s office.”

He sleepily nods his head. Inaantok pa talaga siya. Hinaplos ko ang buhok niya para maipagpatuloy niya ang tulog.

I groaned when the man behind me moved and slid his hand under my slip dress. It only stayed on my lower abdomen because Cadmus is hugging my waist.

“Morning, baby,” he greeted me with his bedroom voice.

He pulled me closer to him, making me feel his warm erection against my butt. Humahaplos din ang palad niya sa tiyan ko, pababa. Ang aga-aga, gusto niya akong bigyan ng apoy.

I looked at the clock on the bed side table. It’s still very early. Five in the morning. That’s why my son continued his sleep. The block curtain on the window made our room dark.

“Tovar, it’s very early,” namamaos ang boses ko.

“Yeah. I just missed caressing you every morning.”

I remembered what we did before. It always started with his caresses before I found myself moaning while his head was in between my thighs. But we can’t do it right now. Not with Cadmus next to us.

“Are you breast-feeding our son?” He whispered against my nape.

“He stopped when he turned two. Bottled milk nalang siya ngayon.”

“It’s daddy’s turn then.”

Uminit agad ang mukha ko dahil alam ko ang ibig niyang sabihin.

His palm made its way to my breast. Minasahe niya ako roon sa nakakaliyong paraan. He really knows how to dominate my body. Alam niya pa rin kung paano ako paapuyin.

“Tovar…”

“Face me…” napapaos na sabi niya.

Maingat na inalis ko ang maliit na braso ni Cadmus na nakapatong sa akin. I then slowly turned my body to face Tovar.

He planted a kiss on my lips right away. Ipinagpatuloy niya ang pag haplos sa dibdib ko habang bumaba ang halik niya sa aking leeg.

I bite my lips when his kisses went down on my chest. He carefully pulled down the straps of my slip dress until the fabric revealed my full round breasts. He has started to kiss every corner of that part of me. Napalunok ako dahil sa maagang ligaya na sumalubong sa akin.

When he licked my twin peak, that’s when I placed my hand on his head. Mabagal lang ang ginagawa niya. Sinasalit-salitan niya ang dalawa. Sinisigurado na nabibigyan niya ng atensyon pareho. My arousal is building up again.

“Tovar…” I called him using my low voice when his mouth became aggressive.

He’s sucking my nipples hard and rough. Na tila ba may katas siyang makukuha galing doon. Talagang sinisipsip niya na halos mapadaing ako sa pinaghalong hadpi at kiliti. It made me parted my lips and gasped sensually.

“I don’t think I still have milk…” I cupped his jaw with one hand. “Baby, you suck too hard…”

“I’m sorry. I missed these… they get bigger…” he then sucked each of them gently this time.

I closed my eyes and sighed in satisfaction.

CHAPTER 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

We flew to Panglao by a private helicopter.

Cadmus was amazed because it was his first time. Buong biyahe ay hawak niya ang kamay ng daddy niya habang itinuturo niya ang mga tanawin sa ibaba. Kahit na bago palang silang nagkakilala at nagsama, mabilis na naging komportable ang aking anak sa kanyang ama.

We are staying at the same beach resort where we stayed before I left the Philippines. Being there brought back all the memories that Tovar and I shared together. Sa tuwing naiisip ko na ang lugar na ito ang dahilan kung bakit mayroon kaming anak ngayon, naghahalo ang saya at lungkot sa akin.

Masaya dahil nagkaroon ako ng pagkakataon na iparamdam ko sa kanya ang pagmamahal ko noon sa pamamagitan ng buong puso kong pagbibigay sa kanya ng aking sarili. Masaya dahil kahit na alam kong huling pagkakataon na namin na magkasama, nagbunga pa rin ang aming pag-iisa.

Malungkot dahil kinailangan kong umalis, iwan siya, at magtiis na malayo kami sa isa’t isa. Malungkot dahil ilang taon ang lumipas na hindi niya nakilala at nakasama ang anak namin.

Kahit pa gano’n ang nagyari sa amin, wala pa rin pagsisisi sa akin. I have a lot of what if’s but it didn’t mean I regret what I did. I sacrificed our relationship and left him because I cannot stand living away from my ill mother. I gave up and wasted his love for me because once in my life, I became a coward.

Palagi kong iniisip noon na mas magiging madali para sa akin na bigyan ng wakas ang aming relasyon, kaysa ipagpatuloy ’yon habang malayo siya sa akin. Alam kong hindi ko rin kakayanin ang matagal na pangungulila sa kanya. Hindi ako sanay na hindi kami nagkikita. Na hindi ko siya nahahawakan, nahahalikan, at nayayakap. I chose to end our relationship because I thought that was the best way to stop myself from longing for him. But honestly, it was not.

Even though I was a thousands miles away from him, my love for him gets deeper. It became more fierce and uncontrollable.. Tila nasa isang giyera at ang namamagitan ay ang naglalagablab na pagmamahal at nag-a-apoy na pananabik sa kanya. Ang matinding pagtitimpi ay matagal-tagal ko rin na tiniis.

Para akong araw na palaging naghihintay na sumapit ang oras ng aking paglubog, magpapahinga saglit na animo napapagod, at hahayaan ang dilim na pati ako ay malayang sakupin. Pagkatapos ay muling a-ahon para lang harapin ang bagong liwanag na nag-a-abang sa akin.

Paulit-ulit na gano’n. Araw-araw na walang mintis. Walang pagod na tinatanaw ang pagdating ng tamang pagkakataon—na baka magising isang umaga na nasa piling ko na ulit siya, na yakap niya na ako, at hawak niya na ulit ang mga kamay ko.

I am grateful that my secret dreams and fantasies are coming true.

I am laying on the sun lounger wearing a black one piece bikini, and big sunglasses while having my afternoon mocktail. Kanina ko pa pinagmamasdan ang mag ama ko. They were building a sand castle. They were both patient though. Kahit lumalayo sila sa tubig, dumadating pa rin ang pagkakataon na umaabot talaga sa kastilyong buhangin ang alon. Natutunaw ng gano’n nalang ang kanina pa nila pinaghihirapan buuin.

“Ah!” Cadmus groaned impatiently this time. “Daddy, can’t we stop the waves even for a while?”

“No, son. Waves are uncontrollable.”

Cadmus lay on the sand tiredly. He’s on his blue rash guards swimsuit. His wavy hair is damp. May mga buhangin din siya sa iba’t ibang parte ng katawan niya. He also has some on his cheeks. Kanina pa silang umagang mag ama na nasa dalampasigan. Kaya pati ang balat niya ay namumula na.

Tovar remained seated. He’s topless, revealing his masculinity. His black swim short is wet. It shows the thin hair on his muscled strong legs. I hope he won’t notice that I’ve been watching him too.

“Baby, do you wanna eat something?” My question was for my son. Kaya lang ay sabay silang tumingin sa akin.

Uminit ang batok ko ng wala sa oras. It wasn’t my usual endearment for Tovar unless I was in the middle of fire and pleasure, I’d call him that.

“Come, I have fruits and cookies here. Have some.”

“Let’s have some snacks. We can always continue this tomorrow.” Tovar said gently.

Cadmus tiredly wide his arms so that his father will carry him. I am amazed because Tovar understands our son’s gesture quickly. Kinarga niya ang anak namin at inilapag sa katabing sun lounger ko.

“What do you want? Fruits or cookies?” He asked.

“Cookies!” Cadmus excitedly pointed the jar of cookies I brought especially for him.

I sipped on my mocktails when Tovar glanced at me. Bumaba ang tingin niya sa aking dibdib. Kaya tuloy napatingin din ako sa parteng ’yon. I leered at him when I saw a red mark on my cleavage.

Sa amin siya natutulog. Pagkatapos ng trabaho niya, sa bahay siya dumederetso. When we both made sure the Cadmus was asleep, Tovar will start romanticizing my body. May pagkakataon pa na lumilipat kami sa shower room para lang hindi magising ang anak namin dahil hindi ko kayang huwag umungol dahil sa ginagawa niya sa akin.

Just this morning before we get ready to fly, we took a shower together. He cannot eat me on bed, that’s why he does it inside the shower room.

We have a big bathtub in our suite now, I think it’s the best place to do it later. My cheeks went scarlet with my own lewd idea. What the hell?

“Mommy, what’s that? What happened?” Cadmus innocently pointed my chest.

“Daddy can explain what happened to this…” I smirked at Tovar.

He smirked too. Nanliliit ang mga mata niya na para bang siya pa talaga ang papahirapan kong mag explain sa anak namin kung bakit may pulang marka ang dibdib ko.

Tinignan siya ni Cadmus at naghihintay ng sagot.

“Mommy got bitten by a big cockroach.” He casually muttered.

“Oh!” Agad na lumapit sa akin ang anak namin para yakapin ako. “Does it hurt, mommy? Do you want me to kiss it?”

My heart melt. I used to kiss his scratches or whenever he has wound to comfort him. Now, he wants to do the same to me.

“No, I’m fine, anak. Thanks though. You’re so sweet.”

Kinuha ko siya at dinala sa akin. He’s in between my bended legs. Malambing ko siyang niyakap na may halong gigil. Then I tickled him which made him giggled. Kaya natatawa rin ako habang ginagawa ’yon sa kanya.

“Tickle daddy too!” He pointed Tovar while laughing.

“We will tickle him when he’s on bed…” I said playfully.

Tumango-tango ang anak ko na para bang excited siyang kilitiin namin ang ama niya mamaya. He likes to play and we used to tickle each other. Natutunaw ang puso ko kapag naririnig ko ang masaya niyang hagikhik.

We all went back to our suite to take a shower. Sinabay ko si Cadmus sa akin. Inaantok na rin kasi siya kaya binilisan ko ang pagligo namin. Nang matapos kami, si Tovar naman ang sumunod.

Inihiga ko siya sa kama habang hinahaplos ang buhok niya dahil sa gano’n paraan ay nakakatulog siya agad. When he’s already sleeping peacefully, I yawned. It’s still early to eat dinner. Maaga rin akong nagising kaya ngayon ko nararamdaman ang pagod.

I have my silk robe wrapped around me without anything underneath. I lay on my side and embrace my son. Maya-maya lang ay naramdaman ko na si Tovar sa likod ko. I smell his shower gel and minty breath.

His palm masterly found my breasts. Alam na alam niya talaga kung saan niya papadaanin ang palad niya para mahawakan ako.

“Are you tired?” His voice was low and tender.

“Yes. I may take a nap.”

“Okay. I’ll answer emails while you two are sleeping.”

His fingers were playing with my nipple. It made me pursed my lips.

“No sucking tonight…” I whispered.

“Why?”

“You always sucked my nipples hard. You can’t control your gigil.”

He chuckled huskily against my nape. Tumaas ang mga balahibo ko sa katawan dahil sa munting kiliti.

“Too sweet to resist.”

“I’ll be fine with just lick.”

“How about here?” His finger travelled down on my inner thighs.

Kinagat ko ang labi ko. I parted my legs a bit to give him access there. He helped me shaved this morning after he licked me!

“What? You just lick this morning.”

“That’s not enough, Verena. I wanna do it longer.”

“Well, let’s se if Cadmus would sleep early tonight.”

“I’m going to make him tired after dinner. Walk around and play…”

I laughed a bit. Bahagya ko siyang siniko. “Really? Don’t do that. Don’t make him tired. Kawawa naman ang baby ko.”

“Baby natin.” He corrected me.

Nakatulog ako pagkatapos namin mag usap ni Tovar. Umalis siya sa tabi ko para gawin ang mga dapat niyang gawin sa trabaho niya. Lalo pa at nalaman ko galing sa kanya na nag submit na rin ng designs ang Pontevedra Scapes para sa project ng Hotel & Resort sa Palawan.

During our dinner, we talk about where we go next. I can’t really decide yet. We know that we are both busy but we can’t just skip our family time. Kung siya nga na maraming ginagawa ay kayang bigyan ng oras ang anak namin, ako pa kaya na hindi kasing abala niya?

“I haven’t told them yet. I want to spend more time with Cadmus before I introduce him to my family.” He said after he sipped on his wine.

We are soon to finish our dinner, I am just slowly eating my tiramisu cake.

Cadmus is already talking to the foreign kids near our table. Sabik siya sa mga batang kalaro dahil wala siyang kalaro sa amin. Kaya dapat talaga na dinadala namin siya sa labas para makasalamuha niya ang ibang mga bata.

“Yes. Let’s not hurry. Let’s wait until he’s very comfortable enough to meet other family members.”

“Can you both stay with me? Any days on weekdays? Then weekends?”

We can do that. We just have to arrange our schedule. Sigurado rin ako na papayag ang magulang ko sa gusto naming mangyari ni Tovar. They won’t take away his rights as Cadmus’ father. Gano’n din sa anak namin. Dapat ay makasama niya ang kanyang ama.

“Yeah. Let’s arrange our schedule. Kapag nasa trabaho tayo pareho, sino ang mag aalaga kay Cadmus?”

Tinitigan niya ako. Para bang may gusto siyang sabihin ngunit tinitimbang niya pa ang sitwasyon naming dalawa.

“I have helpers who can look after him. But I am also thinking that he might not like it since he doesn’t know them.”

Tumango ako. Tama siya. Mas sanay si Cadmus kila mommy at Mechita. Kapag iba ang mag aalaga sa kanya at wala pa kami ni Tovar sa tabi niya, siguradong maninibago siya. Bukod pa na nasa ibang bahay siya.

“Hmm, what if, from Monday to Thursday, Cadmus will stay in our house? Then Friday to Sunday, we will stay in yours?”

That’s the best schedule I can think of. I know he’s very busy during weekdays. He only has time during weekends.

“That’d be great.”

Ngumiti ako dahil pumayag siya agad. I lifted my glass of wine and we cheers.

“Mommy, I wanna play more…” Cadmus came back to us.

Pinagpapawisan na siya dahil patakbo-takbo sila ng mga kalaro niya. I wiped the sweats on his forehead. Naghihintay na sa kanya ang apat na batang lalaki at babae. Siya nalang ang hindi ko pa pinapayagan. The parents of the foreign kids are also waiting for Cadmus to join their kids.

“Okay. But don’t be out of my sight. Stay where I can see you, okay?”

Mabait siyang tumango habang kumikislap ang kanyang mga mata. I slightly pinched his cheek before I let him go. Pinanood ko siyang sumama sa mga bata. Nasa loob pa rin naman sila ng restaurant. Sa sulok na bahagi kung nasaan ang mga sofa, doon sila pumuwesto.

When I turned back my gaze to Tovar, he’s also watching our son.

“Wala siyang kalaro sa bahay. Kaya palagi siyang excited kapag nakakakita siya ng ibang batang katulad niya.”

“Let’s bring him to the park or any amusement park where he can play with other kids.”

I nodded my head to agree with him. Kailangan lang talaga namin pag usapan ang schedule na pwede kaming magsasama-samang tatlo. Kung hindi ko lang kailangan magtrabaho sa PRA, tiyak na palagi kaming nasa labas ni Cadmus para lang samahan siyang maglaro kasama ang ibang mga bata.

Our son fell asleep after I washed him. He’s tired from playing with the kids. Tumagal pa kami sa restaurant dahil talagang nalibang siya. Doon ko natanto na kailangan ng anak namin na makasalamuha pa ng mga bata para hindi siya nasasabik na makipaglaro sa kanila.

While Tovar is on his phone talking to Theon, I went to the bath tub with bottle of wine and glass. I turned on the water and put the lavender soap for extra relaxing feeling. I then removed all my clothes and dip my body while holding a glass of wine.

It’s very quite. It was tranquillizing. I am calmed despite the things running in my head.

My father is stabled. He’ll be back home by tomorrow. Nabawasan ang pag-a-alala ko sa kalagayan niya dahil nakita ko sa kanya na gusto niyang gumaling agad. I want my father to recover and to be inspired again to work. Hindi madali para sa akin na pamahalaan ang PRA ng walang tamang basbas niya. Even though Ogvalio told me things that I should know, still, I am not comfortable doing the job. I have no experience. No license. And not credible enough to manage an architectural firm.

Ginagawa ko ang lahat ng ito dahil ayokong tuluyang bumagsak ang pinaghirapan ng aking ama. Kahit pa naramdaman ko noong una na ayaw niya na. Na sumuko na siya. Marahil ay natanto niya ulit ang kahalagahan ng PRA noong ma-stroke siya. Hindi ko isusuko ang bumuhay sa aming pamilya ng mahabang taon. My father might thought of giving up, but I won’t do the same. I wanted PRA to keep going despite of the fact that it is in the brink of its downfall.

Baka sakaling maagapan ko pa. Baka sakaling hindi matuloy ang pagbagsak. Isang proyekto lang ang kailangan namin sa mga sandaling ito—iyon ay ang makuha ang architectural deal ng Hotel & Resort na itatayo sa Palawan.

We have a lot of competitors. One of them is Pontevedra Scapes, which I have a big feeling that Tovar will get the project. They are known having a tight connections with the Monserattes. Theon Monseratte is his best friend. Their families are allies. I only have small chance to get the project but I won’t give up.

The door opened and my eyes were welcomed by the heir of Pontevedra Scapes—one of the largest Architectural company in the Philippines. And just recently, I heard that they are starting to widen the range of their company by adding a construction builder.

Tovar bend to give me a kiss on the lips.

“Join me here.” Malamyos na aya ko sa kanya.

I avoided his gaze when he stripped in front of me. Hanggang sa mga sandaling ito, parang hindi pa rin ako sanay na nakikita siyang nakahubad. Kailangan ba na palagi ko siyang makitang gano’n para masanay ako?

He slid himself behind me. I had to move forward to give him space. He immediately wrapped his arms around my naked body. The water leveled my chest. The bubbles were not enough to cover my body.

Hinalik-halikan niya ako sa leeg at balikat habang hinahaplos ang aking tiyan. Binunuhay niya ang init sa amin na naghihintay lang sa kanya.

“What are you thinking? Hmm?” The sensuality on his tone made me gulp.

“I’m just relaxing here.”

“I wanna hear your thoughts. You can share everything to me, Verena.”

I rested my body on his. I can feel his warm. He always comforted me. One of the reasons why I like cuddling with him. Aside from I admired his body.

“I’m just thinking about PRA. Pakiramdam ko hindi ko mapipigilan ang pagbagsak ng firm namin.” I sighed bitterly.

Gano’n naman talaga sa mundo ng pagnenegosyo, di ba? Hindi lahat ng pagkakataon ay nasa tuktok ka. May mga panahon din na lalagapak ka nalang bigla. Parang ibon na malayang lumilipad sa himpapawid at hindi inaasahan ang pagtama ng traydor na kidlat kaya walang laban na lumagapak sa lupa.

“The only way to save our firm from bankruptcy is to get the project from Monseratte Empire. But I don’t think we would get it. You will get it.”

Narinig ko ang pagbuntonghininga niya.

“We can work together.”

He didn’t deny that he would get the project. Siguro ay alam niya rin na makukuha nila ’yon.

Ngayon palang ay pinanghihinaan na ako ng loob. I took a deep breath. Hindi ako puwedeng mawalan ng pag asa. Baka may iba pang paraan. Kahit ano pa ’yon ay handa kong gawin.

“Hindi ko naman hahayaan na bumagsak ka…” napapaos na sabi niya. “… kung babagsak ka man, dapat sa akin.”

Hindi ko mapigilan ang sumimangot. Palagi niya talagang sinasali ang tungkol sa aming dalawa hanggat may pagkakataon siya.

“Bakit? Sasaluhin mo ako?” I craned my neck so he can kiss more there.

While he’s giving me wet kisses on my neck, his hand travelling up to my breasts.

Napalunok ako. Magaling talaga siya pagdating sa pagroromansa ng katawan ko. Kayang-kaya niya akong painitin kahit haplos lang ang gawin niya.

“Baby, you are my all,” his voice was like my tranquilizer, it soothed me so much. “Your downfall is my downfall.”

CHAPTER 20

CHAPTER TWENTY

Tovar said that my downfall is his downfall as well. Kaya hindi niya ako hahayaan na bumagsak at lumagapak ng tuluyang dahil para sa kanya pareho kami ng kalalagyan kapag gano’n ang nangyari. But I don’t want that to happen. I never hope for his downfall. I will never ever pull him down with me.

I realized that we shouldn’t think of giving up even if there were no hopes left for us. Hindi namin dapat isipin ang aming pagbagsak kahit pa mawalan na kami ng makakapitan. Wala dapat sa pagpipilian namin ang sumuko at magpatalo, dahil hindi lang kami ang ma-a-apektuhan ng mga mangyayari sa amin. We already have a son who’s depending his precious life on us. As a parents, we should think of ways on how we make sure that Cadmus’ well-being will be always on your top priorities.

His wide chest that matted with thin hair is tickling my bare back. One of his palm is cupping my breast lightly, the other one is caressing my stomach. We have a very relaxing ambiance and I feel comfortable being with him. Even though my mind is clouded with so many different things, I am still calm as the sea.

Kapag kasama ko siya, palagi kong nararamdaman ang pagiging komportable at panatag. Kahit noon pa man. Siya lang tangi ang nakakapagbigay ng gano’n na klaseng pakiramdam sa akin. Isang yakap ko lang sa kanya o sa braso niya, napapanatag na ako. He’s like my safe harbor.

Ganito rin kaya ang naipaparamdam ko sa kanya? I am curious like a kitten.

“I have my inner tranquility when I’m with you…” I trailed softly. “I wonder if I make you feel the same way?”

He planted a feathery kisses on my shoulder blade. It made me sigh in delight.

“Your giggles, laughters, and soft voice are a whispers of peace…” he muttered tenderly. “…it soothes me like a gentle wind.”

Napangiti ako. He’s not very vocal when it comes to what he feels towards me but I am glad to know his feelings. I think, I’m contented with that. Na katulad niya, kaya ko rin siyang bigyan ng kapanatagan.

“No’ng malayo ako at wala kang narinig galing sa ’kin. How did it feel like?”

He sighed. Then rested his chin above my shoulder. He embraces me a little bit tighter.

“What do you think I’d feel?”

Hindi ko alam? Baka malungkot din siya katulad ko? Nasasaktan? Nangungulila? Naghihinayang?

“Tell me… please?” Malambing na sambit ko.

He growled desperately which made me pouted my lips.

“Verena, you were running endlessly in my head every damn day. That was frustrating though.” He let out a breath of bitterness.

I lifted my one hand to touch his rough jaw. Marahan ko siyang hinaplos. Nalulungkot ako kapag naiisip ko ang mga nararamdaman niya habang malayo ako sa kanya. He didn’t deserve all the pain and sorrow.

“Gusto kong magalit sa ’yo pero hindi ko kaya. I am too in love to get mad at you and your decision.”

Siniil niya ng halik ang leeg ko na para bang doon niya ibinuhos ang pagkabigo niya sa akin.

Humahanga ako sa kanya dahil kahit na nasaktan ko siya at nagkahiwalay kami, nasasabi niya pa rin sa akin na mahal niya ako. He’s still in love with me despite the heartbreaks that I gave him myself.

Kailan ako magiging matapang na sabihin sa kanya na mahal ko rin siya? Na kahit ilang taon kaming hindi nagkita at nagkasama, kahit na wala na kaming relasyon, pangalan niya pa rin ang naka-ukit sa puso ko? Ang imahe niya pa rin ang nakapinta sa isip ko?

Is this the right moment to express my love for him?

Ang tagal ko itong hinintay na sabihin sa kanya. At siguradong matagal din siyang naghihintay na malaman ang saloobin ko.

“And yet, I haven’t heard you saying your love for me…” his voice was low and rough.

I had to pursed my lips because how the hell it seemed like he reads my mind?

“I’ve been wondering if you ever loved me? Hmm?” His lips rested on my cheek.

Tahimik akong humugot ng hangin sa dibdib. Using my one hand I scooped the water and wet his muscled arm more. Ginagawa ko ’yon bilang pangtakip sa malakas na pintig ng aking puso. The thin hair on his forearms were pressing against my exposed breasts.

I rested my head more on his chest to feel the comfort that he always gave me.

“Did you ever think of me? Did you ever regret your decision of pushing me away?” He has lots of questions, I kinda expected it.

Parang dinudurog ang puso ko. I left him wondered. He didn’t even know if I love him. I probably made his heart broken. Puro kabutihan ang ginawa niya sa akin, tapos ano ang isinukli ko?

“I thought of you. Paanong hindi kita maiisip? I was carrying your child. When I gave birth to Cadmus, whenever I look at him, all I see is you. You were away from me, but you left me a remembrance that always reminded me of you.” My voice was mellow while my heart is racing like in a marathon.

Malayo man siya sa akin pero hindi ibig sabihin niyon ay hindi ko na siya iniisip. Araw-araw din siyang naglalakbay sa aking isipan. Pareho lang kami nang nararamdaman.

“Iniisip kita… palagi.” I whispered painfully.

“Do you love me?” There was melancholy on his tone.

I closed my eyes. Sa sobrang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko, naghahalo ang hapdi at kaba.

Hindi ko na dapat pang patagalin ilihim itong nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. Sapat na ang ilang taon na lumipas na kinimkim ko ito ng mag isa. Bumubuhos sa akin ang matinding emosyon. Kagaya ng pagkagalak na sa wakas ay maririnig niya na mula sa akin na mahal ko siya. Hindi niya na kailangan pang magtaka at mag isip ng sagot sa tanong niya.

Slowly, I turned my head to face him even for a bit. So that he would know that I’m sincere. Our eyes met easily like it really meant to happen that moment.

Namumungay ang mga mata niya habang nakatitig siya sa akin.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit may kirot pa rin sa puso ko kahit na alam ko namang mahal namin ang isa’t isa. Maybe I am just being so emotional that my heart is aching because it took me so long to tell him I love him. He waited so long to hear my feelings.

I parted my lips to get some air because my rapid heartbeat is really pained me. I then cupped his jaw with my palm.

This is the man that I will love fiercely in this lifetime. He’s the only one I want to be with in every single day of my life in this world. He and and our son are my treasure that I will cherish until my last breath.

“This feeling that I have for you is so intense… so fierce like a war between passion and resistance. That even if I was away from you, I can’t stop myself from loving you, no matter how much I tried not to.” I muttered with a broken gentle voice.

Napapikit siya sa masakit at tila nabunutan ng tinik na paraan.

I took that opportunity to kiss his lips. I didn’t want him to worry anymore about my love for him. Because from now on, I will always make sure that he knows that he’s the only one holds my heart.

“I am in love with you, baby…” my tears began to flow as I freed my heart from holding back these words I’ve been keeping for so long.

He pulled me closer to him as if our distance wasn’t enough. He then cupped my chin to deepen our kiss despite the tears that rolling down my cheeks.

Magaan ang pakiramdam ko dahil nasabi ko na sa wakas sa kanya ang laman ng puso ko. Hindi niya na kailangan pang mangamba sa pagmamahal ko sa kanya. Kagaya niya, panatag na rin ako na alam namin pareho na totoo at malalim itong nararamdaman namin para sa isa’t isa.

I softly gasped after our long passionate kiss. Kapwa namumungay ang aming mga mata nang tumigil kami para lang sumagap ng kahit kaunting hangin lang. Nginitian ko siya at muli siyang hinagkan sa labi.

“I love you, my Pontevedra,” I whispered sweetly again.

Muli kaming naghalikan sa marubdob at mapagmahal na paraan. Hanggang ang palad niya ay gumapang ulit paangat sa aking dibdib. Ang isa naman ay nasa pagitan ng aking mga hita.

“Tovar…” I panted because his touch made me breathless.

I opened my legs for him to touch me more on that area. Pinadaan niya ang mahabang daliri sa gitna sa mabagal at nakakahibang na paraan. Nawala ang atensyon ko sa halikan namin dahil unti-unti nang nalulunod sa kaluguran.

Hinawakan ko ang kanyang mga braso bilang suporta sa aking sarili. His lips on my neck only added fuel to the fire. I closed my eyes and feel his fingers rubbing my flesh.

“Mmm…”

“I wanna taste this.” He sightly pinched me there which made me gasped in satisfaction.

“H-how?”

“Stand up,” his voice was hypnotizing.

He guided me to stand up. My legs were getting weak already. I need his support.

“Face me,” hinawakan niya ako sa bewang para iharap sa kanya.

I bite my lower lip when I saw our position. I am naked right in front of him. I can feel his breath hitting my lower abdomen. Ang tubig ay madramang dumadaloy sa maputi kong balat.

Tiningala niya ako habang nakahawak siya sa aking bewang. His eyes dilated with burning passion. He’s yearning to touch me… to make me feel that I am his. Mula sa aking bewang ay bumaba ang haplos niya sa aking hita.

My face is heating up. Pati ang init ay umikot sa aking batok. Sinasanay ko na ang sarili ko na makita niya ang hubad kong katawan. Kaya lang ay sobra akong na-a-apektuhan kapag ganitong tinitignan niya ang bawat parte ko.

When his eyes stopped in between my thighs, I felt the fire that invaded me. I am so exposed in front of him.

He leaned closer and planted a kiss on the area where he helped me shaved. Napahawak ako sa kanyang ulo nang manghina ang mga tuhod ko dahil sa pahalik-halik na ginawa niya.

“Do you like it shaved?” I asked seductively.

“Shaved or not, I will still devour your pussy.” He then lifted my one leg and placed above his shoulder.

I gripped on the bathtub faucet just behind him to balance myself. I am already panting. I can feel his breath against my sensitivity.

He carefully grabbed my other hand and hold it still. Helping me to support my weight.

When I saw him stuck out his tongue while looking up on me, urging me to watch him, I felt like I was losing my breath. Umawang ang aking labi para lang magkaroon ng sapat na hangin na kakailanganin ko.

“Watch me,” he muttered hoarsely.

Tumango ako habang kagat ang aking labi. I watched him glided his tongue against my flesh. The pleasure invaded me and I can’t do anything but started moaning.

Patuloy ko siyang pinapanood kung paano angkinin ng dila niya ang aking pagkababae. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang bawat hagod na ginagawa niya. Paulit-ulit sa mabagal at madiin na paraan.

“Oohh… mmm… y-yes…” I moved my hips to meet his tongue.

Nagustuhan niya ang galaw ko kaya mas lalo niyang hininimod ang bawat bahagi na para bang hindi siya papayag na hindi daanan ng dila niya ang parteng ito ng katawan ko. Nahihibang ako sa sobrang ligaya. Umiikot ang init sa aking tiyan. Ang katawan ko ay tila nag-a-apoy sa pananabik na maangkin niya pa lalo.

“Mmmm… Tovar… this feels so… good… uhh…”

Nang bahagya siyang tumigil, tila ako maiiyak sa sobrang pagkabitin.

“Please, keep going.” I begged.

I saw him smirked.

“Tovar, please?”

“Rub your p*ssy against my tongue…” he commanded in an erotic way.

He stuck out his tongue again and waited for me to do what he has asked me to do.

My face is probably red because I am blushing so hard. But I still want to do it. My body is already aching and I was ready to reach my climax. He just stopped to make me do the work.

Gumalaw ako hanggang sa maramdaman ko ang dila niya na lumapat sa aking pagkababae. I then started to rub myself against his hot tongue. Para akong mawawala sa ulirat sa sarap ng aking nararamdaman.

“Ohhh… oohhh…” my sexy moans echoed around.

Ipinagpatuloy ko ang aking ginagawa hanggang ang init at kiliti sa aking tiyan ay mas lalong dumami. Kitang-kita ko kung paano siya nasasarapan habang walang tigil na lumalapat sa dila niya ang tila pagkain na bumubuhay sa kanya.

He pinned me down against his tongue that made me screamed in pleasure. I feel like it gets swollen while throbbing because he’s mercilessly flicking his tongue hard and rough against my flesh. Tumitirik ang aking mga mata at hinahabol ko na rin ang aking hininga.

“Aahhh! Mmmm!”

Mariin akong napapikit nang sumabog ang kanina ko pa tinitimpi. My legs shaken and my body collapsed. Kaagad niya akong naalalayan para hindi tuluyang matumba.

That was mind-blowing. Patuloy ang pagragasa ng likidong kumawala sa akin. While he’s hugging my thighs, his tongue is licking the cream that came out from me.

It took me a couple of minutes before I made sure that my legs are strong enough to do the next round. I won’t let this night end without giving him his own climax.

When he stood up, that’s when I saw his massive erection. I am amazed. Pakiramdam ko, hindi niya hahayaan na hindi niya ako maparusahan sa gabing ito.

“Tovar…” I called him so that we can do something about his hard on.

But what I didn’t expect was when he guided me to the faucet of the bathtub and he positioned himself behind me.

Napahawak ako roon para suportahan ang aking sarili. I think, I need a strong legs this time.

“Bend over,” he whispered huskily on my nape.

I obeyed like I was hypnotized by him. I felt his tip poking my ass. Wala pa man ay tila nalulunod na ulit ako sa ligaya. Ang apoy sa aking katawan ay nanatili.

Tovar wrapped his one arm around my waist. While the other one is gripping all my hair, pulling my head back a bit.

I whimpered loudly when he expertly thrusted inside of me, filling my inside with his hard and thick shaft.

I gripped on the faucet. My lips parted. Hindi siya agad gumalaw ngunit alam ko na sa oras na hindi niya na kaya ang pagtitimpi, tiyak na walang tigil siyang raragasa.

“Take me, please. I want you so bad.” I begged.

His lips went to my nape. His move made his shaft go deeper inside of me. Muli akong napapikit para damhin ang aming mainit na pag-iisa. He filled me with satisfaction that he’s the only one can give me.

When he started pounding my femininity, my moans get louder and wilder.

“Aaahhh! Aahhh!”

I bended my body more so I can welcome his manhood freely. Ang ligaya na aking nararamdaman ay walang mapaglagyan. I don’t mind having red marks all over my body because of his grip and roughness. All I wanted is for us to feel the pleasure together.

He pumped so deep and hard behind me, I can hear the erotic sounds it made. Like how I heard his heavy breathing and sharp curses against my nape.

The faucet is moving due to his hard thrusts. I had to use my other hand to grip his arm around me to make myself more comfortable with our position.

“Ohh, Tovar… mmm! Mmm! Yes… yess… ahhh…”

I allowed him to take me as rough as he could. For as long as he will be happy once he reached his destination.

“Tang ina…” he was breathless and sounded very sexy.

After a couple of long and deep thrusts, he buried his throbbing shaft inside of me. Then loaded me all his warm bullets.