Addict

Addict

Forgotten memories litter the ground in the form of aluminum cans and broken bottles. There is a scarred log smoldering on a pile of gray and white ash. Hungover zombies rustle alive with a pounding in their clouded heads. A few of the living dead stir with a craving for more poison still coursing throughout their veins. Their only memories of the previous night are scattered due to the massacre of brain cells, but I remember. Oh how well I do remember.

It was a cool and early evening when the love of my life Tempy- short for Temperance- made herself a lamb for sacrifice. After she mixed up the concoction, she took her first sip of arsenic kool-aid. She saw nothing but a tasty beverage where I saw the temptress of my life calling out not to me, but to the monster within. Tempy asked me if I would be okay with her and her family poisoning themselves with the drug, my drug. I lied. As the night rolled on it became harder and harder to keep my corrupt thoughts away. I was however given control of the campfire, that at least kept the monster at bay. I watched as the poison inside those around me took charge making them insane. I could no longer see Tempy looking back at me, I only saw the temptress in her eyes. She looked up at me with pure lust in her eyes and spat.

“Could you make me another drink?”

I was full of rage not only because the Temptress was challenging me, but also because the bittersweet aroma of poison on her breath wafted into my face and became unbearable not to me but to the monster. I accepted her challenge and walked toward the camper as the monster gnawed at my wall of sobriety, but I wouldn’t let my guard down, least of all to him.

Inside I began to mix the tainted concoction. When I opened the bottle of sin my eyesight went red. I had smelled the sweet nectar not of gods, but of demons. As my blood pressure got higher I poured the poison in Tempy’s cup and backed away as fast as possible to catch my breath. I could feel the monster clawing at my insides begging for freedom.

“One sip won’t hurt, come on, let me out of here you pathetic meat sack your all dried up let me wash your veins with Dante’s drink.”

I closed my eyes for what seemed like an eternity until the pressure left my head suppressing the monster long enough to finish Tempy’s drink. I went back outside and managed to pass The temptress her drink and went back to tend the fire with a smirk of victory creeping across my face. Seeing that she had failed the temptress became reckless. She used the campfire as a homing beacon to get my attention. Now that the poison has temporarily confused Tempy’s motor skills she came close to plunging into the fire more than once.

For a time I was becoming use to the intoxicated hyenas as the roared with laughter and for the first time that night the monster in me seemed to be resting. That is until I heard Tempy’s soft voice once again being contorted into a lustful cry. I looked to see the temptress yelling for the first of many times that night the name of another man.

“Gabe! Make me another Jager bomb.”

Although I knew I wasn’t being replaced it was the temptress trying to make me jealous not only for the presence of another male in Tempy’s sweet vocabulary, but also the envy for not having what he had to offer. She only wanted him for his cup of evil deception and if I mustn’t lie I also wanted it. Oh how I wanted the smooth taste of fake happiness to run throughout my body. After a few times of being pummeled by the jealousy the temptress seemed to ease up a bit, but only to walk up to me and place her lips to mine. She kissed me so gently yet so fiercely I was locked to her, my whole body felt chained. It wasn’t Tempy’s kiss that kept me there like so many other times. It was the taste of sin on her lips. I was deceived to believe Tempy was back in control of her body, but she wasn’t. I felt the monster come to the surface in full force wanting nothing more than a taste, a gulp of the poison, to drown himself in it. I could only see red once again. I smelled the sweet and salty scent of poison and blood as a wave of desire crushed into me. The sweet sensual poison I yearned for all night was there right beneath Tempy’s skin. All I need do is bite and the temptress would be mine, but I wouldn’t allow myself to do it. I back away as soon as I could. The moment only lasted a second but felt like forever. Still in shock of myself, I once again locked away the monster in the form of an alcoholic vampire. Seeing I wouldn’t budge she began using Tempy’s body and voice to persuade me.

“I want you.” she whispered while biting her lip.

Normally it would be impossible for me to ignore the request for attention Tempy’s body needed, but this was not Tempy. The temptress kissed me on the nap of my neck where Tempy usually would and send tingles down my spine. The kiss did not send tingles but a chill down my spine as a way to torture me. Realizing I wasn’t giving in she decided to steal more poison from the same man she had been all night. A ping of jealousy hit me in the gut once more so I decided to go on a walk to the campground restroom to clear my mind.

I got there and pretended I was using the facilities but my bladder felt so dry I’m surprised dust didn’t come out. I got finished pretending and washed my hands. The bathroom reeked so horribly, but the scent of musky urine and shit was a blessing compared to the empty void I yearned so badly to fill with the liquid flames from hell. After I washed my hands I stared into the mirror having a silent war with myself. I could see the monster come to the surface to show himself in physical form as the whole left side of my face contorted to pure evil. Its eye was fully dilated making it look totally black. Out of fear of myself, I then splashed cold water on my face and buried the beast in its cage.

I walked back where the drunken banshees were prowling the earth. I seemed to be fine for the most part, what with the demon trapped safely away from his addiction. Things seemed to wind down after that, it was time for the poisoned vampires to sleep before the sun came up and burned the poison out of their bodies. Although the temptress held onto Tempy as tight as she could Temperance started to fight back drinking the true nectar of the gods, Aquafina. I couldn’t help but feel pleased to find out Gabe was throwing up, and after hearing that I knew I was in the clear I knew I had beat the monster and the Temptress for another night, my sobriety was still intact. Even still it was only one night, being an Addict isn’t just a title. It’s a constant battle, and a way of life.

Breathing Embers

Heading home from yet another shitty day of life at NASB.  I don’t know why I complain about my job; its probably the easiest job on the planet.  Aside from hearing the screams of special needs children, I pretty much just sit there and read.  I guess the thing I hate most is the mundane monotony of everyday life in general.  However,  Today added a bit of a twist, Temperance and myself just got into an argument over my spending habits; needless to say we have been struggling financially ever since I tried to kill myself and I ended up on the second floor at our local hospital.  Apparently  the monster brings out just how poor my mental stability is.  Anyways, as I was crawling down the interstate due to the abundance traffic, I realized my gas light came on.    Luckily I was coming up to an exit with a gas station.  Usually I am great at using excuses, but come on the light coming on couldn’t just be coincidence for what was to come.

I pulled into the busiest gas station I have ever been to, apparently god thinks I am a social person, but I think he just has a cruel sense of humor.  I got my car fueled and against my better judgment decided to go inside and pay.  I knew what would happen when I did.  After all what does any normal impulsive person that is financially embarrassed do; for those of you who don’t know…we spend money.  So I walk inside and I immediately know exactly how bad a decision I made by coming in.  The line is huge and my mouth begins to water for what is staring at me.  The temptress behind the clerk begging me to unwrap her and breath her in and take in my monster. My poison.  I get to the clerk after an eternity of waiting and seemingly with out a will to stop myself I ask him for the black and mild and I hear the monster has made his way to me as he clenches my stomach and my temptress secretly screams as the clerk brings her closer to me.  For the first time since I stepped inside, I hear temperance in the back of mind telling me not to buy it.  That voice is quickly subdued by the memory of our previous argument and I give the man his money.  Outside I unwrap the first cigar in the same demeanor a child would open a Christmas present.  At this point I can barely keep myself from drooling as I get in the car and drive away while lighting up the end of the cigar, turning it into embers I am anxious to consume.

I Cough as more infection leaves my lungs.  It’s been a while since I’ve inhaled the monster.  My body weak and untrained to the death climbing its way down my wind pipe. Burning toward my healed lungs.  Like a virgin, they are defiled as the toxic fumes penetrated their purity.  Left with mixed feelings of pain and pleasure, they beg for the burning sensation to stay.  If not the need for oxygen I would have kept the chaos sifting throughout my chest; forever blackening my lungs.  I can feel my monster as he tears at the soft graying tissue. He indulges himself on temporary wonder and excitement of being in the confines of my dying body.  I can’t let him stay and against both of our will, I am forced to exhale.  The vapor exits my body as a beautiful bluish gray tint;  The color reminds me of corpses.  I see the gorgeously demented face of the temptress mock me as she forms in the cloud of smoke.  I inhale another deep breath of her essence and she consumes me. The dizziness clears my stressed mind, leaving me in a state of nirvana.  For the first time in a long time I smile at her presence.  With another long drag she comforts me as I take form of the monster.  A state of ecstasy I delve in from the yearning I’ve had for so long.