Beginning

Lily Delphine Borromeo came to UPLB to build a life that was entirely hers—until Sandro Cantavieja decided to follow her there.

She never questioned why her childhood friend chose the same university instead of staying in Seattle. She never asked why he looked at her like that. She was too busy pretending they were just friends.

But some truths refuse to stay buried, and some feelings become impossible to ignore.

Lily has spent her whole life avoiding complications, taking the safe path, running from anything that might disrupt the carefully constructed world she’s built. Sandro has spent years being patient, waiting for her to stop running.

When their fragile balance finally shatters, Lily learns that hiding from problems doesn’t make them disappear—it makes them explode. And sometimes the thing you’re most afraid of losing is the only thing worth fighting for.

Chapter 00

The music from Feb Fair had faded to a distant hum. Hindi ko na makita iyong ibang mga kaibigan namin. They invited us to some party. I said yes. I always try to say yes. When I went to study in UPLB—away from my family and friends—I told myself that I’d do everything to get the college experience. Because I just wanted something I could call my own. I would always be thankful for the fact na lumaki ako sa malaking pamilya… but sometimes, I felt like everything’s… there. They’re already there.

Sometimes… sometimes it made me question kung magiging kaibigan ko ba sila kung magkakaibigan iyong magulang namin.

But these thoughts I would never say out loud.

I guess I just wanted a bigger world—something that’s purely mine.

I should’ve left with Mara and the others nung sinabi nila na aalis na sila and pupunta na sa party, but Sandro had asked me to wait.

So here I was, standing near the edge of Freedom Park where the string lights didn’t quite reach, watching him pace a few steps away. He’d been quiet since the last band packed up. Kanina pa ako naka-tingin sa kanya, pero hindi siya nagsasalita.

“Lily.”

His voice cut through the cold night air.

“Hmm?”

He stopped pacing. Turned to face me. Even in the dim light, kita ko iyong lalim ng kunot ng noo niya. Times like this, kitang-kita ko talaga na anak siya ni Tito Sancho. The resemblance was uncanny.

“I need to tell you something.”

Something in my chest tightened.

“Sandro—”

“Please.” He stepped closer. “Just let me say this.”

No. No, he couldn’t. Because if he said it—if he actually said the words out loud—then I’d have to deal with it. I’d have to figure out what it meant. I’d have to choose.

And I already knew I’d choose wrong.

“Lily, I—”

“I know.”

The words burst out of me, sharp and desperate. Too loud in the quiet space between us.

He stopped. Just stopped completely, like I’d physically pushed him back.

“You know?” His voice was flat. Careful. He looked at me like he was already pleading. I tried to look at him, but at the end, I couldn’t. I averted my gaze.

“Yeah. I know,” I quietly said.

The silence stretched. Heavy. Suffocating.

It had always been suffocating… thinking about this.

My mind was in panic. Gusto kong magsalita. Gusto ko siyang tanungin tungkol sa subjects niya, sa org na gusto niyang salihan. I wanted to just talk about anything else. Make a joke. Lighten the mood. Fix this.

But my throat had closed up. My brain had gone static.

“How long?” he asked finally.

“Does it matter?” I replied, still not meeting his eyes.

“Yes, Lily. It matters.”

I forced myself to look at him then. His face was unreadable in the shadows, but his hands were clenched at his sides. I felt my chest tightening as I looked at him like this. I… didn’t want to disappoint him. He’s the last person I wanted to disappoint.

Kaya bakit ba kailangan pa namin ’tong pag-usapan?

Couldn’t we just stay the same?

“Punta na tayo kila Jude,” I said. “Everyone’s waiting at—”

“Everyone’s waiting,” he repeated, and there was something in his tone I couldn’t quite place. Not anger. Something worse. “Right.”

Disappointment.

That’s probably it.

“Sandro—”

“No, you’re right. We shouldn’t let them wait. It’s more important.” He was already turning away. “We should go.”

He started walking away. After a second, I followed, leaving a careful distance between us. My hands were shaking. I shoved them in my pockets so he wouldn’t see. This was fine. This was the right choice. Stopping him before he could finish—before he could make it real—that was the smart thing to do.

We were friends. Best friends. Our families were close. Anything else would complicate everything.

This was fine.

So why did my chest feel like something inside it had cracked open?

---

‘Dapat siguro umuwi na ako,’ was my first thought nang dumating kami sa bahay ni Jude. The ride was awfully quiet. Sandro wouldn’t say a word. I tried to say something, but he quickly turned on the radio. I got the message.

But we were already here.

I tried so hard to enjoy the party. I talked to people, but my eyes would always search for him. He was standing in a corner with a beer in his hand. Naka-tingin siya sa kawalan na para bang malalim ang iniisip.

I wanted to go home, pero hindi ko magawang umuwi habang nandito pa si Sandro. I promised his parents that I’d look after him. So, I stayed. I stayed until Mara pulled me along, telling me to go play some game that I had no interest in playing, but I hadn’t been able to think of a good reason to say no. And maybe—maybe some part of me had wanted to prove that everything was normal. That nothing had changed.

Except everything felt wrong.

Sandro was forced to play the game, too. He sat across from me, expression carefully neutral. We hadn’t spoken since we’d arrived. Hadn’t even looked at each other directly. Would this silence last long? Hindi niya ba talaga ako papansinin?

The music was too loud. The room was too warm. Someone’s drink had spilled on the floor an hour ago and nobody had bothered to clean it up. Gusto ko nang umuwi.

“Sandro’s turn!” someone called out.

The bottle pointed at him. He stared at it for a second before looking up.

“Never have I ever…” Rachel leaned forward, eyes bright, curious, and expecting. “Wait—no, I have a better question. Sandro, do you like someone at this party?”

The room exploded.

Of course Rachel would ask that.

Someone started chanting “Answer! Answer!”

I was staring at my drink, but I was quietly listening, waiting for his answer.

“Rules are rules, Sandro,” someone said. “Drink or dare.”

Sandro didn’t move. Didn’t speak. The seconds passed by, and the room got louder, people throwing out suggestions and dirty jokes.

Then he reached for the shot glass.

“Dare,” he said quietly.

More noise. More chaos. Everyone talking over each other with ideas.

“Seven minutes in heaven!” Mara’s voice cut through. “With Rachel!”

Rachel’s entire face changed.

This was what she’s been expecting.

The group roared approval. People were already moving furniture, clearing a path to the bedroom, making a whole production of it.

I should say something.

The thought arrived distant and muffled, like it was coming from underwater.

I should object. Laugh it off. Suggest something else. Anything else.

My mouth opened.

“Lily?” Mara’s hand was on my arm. “You good?”

“Yup.” The word came out wrong. Too tight. “I’m good. Bakit?”

Sandro stood up slowly. Ni hindi man lang siya tumingin sa akin. Rachel jumped to her feet, smoothing her skirt, fixing her hair. Someone made a joke I didn’t catch over the ringing in my ears.

They started walking toward the bedroom.

This was fine.

Just a game. People played these games all the time. It didn’t mean anything.

It didn’t—

Rachel was talking to Sandro as they walked, her hand hovering near his arm. He wasn’t looking at her. Wasn’t looking at anything really. Just walking.

“Seven minutes starting… NOW!”

The crowd counted down in unison. Cheering. Whistling.

The bedroom door stood open. It was dark inside.

Rachel stepped in first, glancing back at Sandro with a smile that made something twist in my stomach.

Sandro paused in the doorway.

Then he turned.

Looked right at me.

Everything else disappeared. The noise. The music. The people pressed around us. It all fell away until there was just him standing in that doorway, and me frozen on this couch.

His face—I couldn’t read it. Didn’t want to read it. Maybe it was asking something. Maybe it was just saying goodbye to whatever we’d been three hours ago, before I’d cut him off and walked away.

The moment stretched.

One second.

Two.

Say something. Stop him. Tell him—

Someone pushed him playfully from behind.

He turned away.

The door closed.

Click.

That tiny sound—the latch catching—was the loudest thing I’d ever heard.

Sandro was behind that door with Rachel, and I was out here pretending my chest wasn’t caving in.

And it was my fault.

I know.

I’d said that. Three hours ago. I’d cut him off before he could finish, before he could make it real, before I’d have to deal with it.

And now he was in there. With her.

Because I’d pushed him away.

The door stayed closed.

I stayed on this couch, finally understanding what I’d done.

I know.

But I hadn’t known anything.

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Chapter 1

My room looked like a battlefield, and I was losing.

“Lily, are all your clothes already packed?” Mom called from my closet where she’d been reorganizing my entire wardrobe—or probably my entire life—for the past hour.

“Yup!”

“All of them?”

I looked at the three—no, four—boxes labeled CLOTHES and the suitcase I still hadn’t closed because I kept remembering things I might need. “Mostly?”

Mom appeared in my doorway with that look . The lawyer look. The one that said she knew I was lying and she was giving me exactly one chance to come clean.

“Fine, not all of them,” I admitted. “But I’m working on it!”

She slowly shook her head. “Ask your sister to help finish packing. We’re leaving in two hours.”

Two hours.

Two hours until I leave Manila. Leave this house. Leave everything I’d ever known.

Two hours until UPLB.

My stomach did this weird flip thing—half excitement, half terror. I’d been waiting for this day since I got my acceptance letter. May countdown pa nga ako sa phone ko. Every morning I’d check it: 87 days until UPLB. 52 days until UPLB. 12 days until UPLB.

And now it was zero days until UPLB and suddenly I couldn’t tell if I wanted to scream from excitement or throw up from nerves.

Maybe both?

Probably both.

I grabbed another pile of clothes from my drawer and tried to figure out if I really needed five different jackets. The answer was yes, obviously. Based on my research, they said that it gets cold sa College of Forestry since nasa taas kami ng bundok—literally. I just wanted to be prepared! I didn’t want to buy jackets don sa Laguna when I already have plenty here. So wasteful.

“Ate, you’re overthinking the jackets,” Saff said from where she’d sprawled across my bed, scrolling through her phone. “Just bring three.”

“But what if—”

“Ate, you’re moving to Laguna, not Antarctica.”

“But the aircon in the classrooms and College of Forestry—”

“Bring. Three. Jackets.”

I looked at Mom for backup.

“Bring four,” Mom said, because she understood that jacket decision was serious business. “Compromise.”

“See?” I stuck my tongue out at Saff. “Four jackets is reasonable.”

“Tss. Whatever,” Saff muttered, but she got up to help me fold them anyway.

This was good. This was fine. I was fine.

I was moving out and starting college and meeting new people and having adventures and this was exactly what I wanted.

So why did it feel that every time I sealed a box, a part of my chest tightens? As though I couldn’t breathe?

“Ate, nasaan iyong damit mo na naka-hanger?” Saff burst into my room with her usual tornado energy, already holding her phone up. “I need to document this! First daughter of the Borromeo family, leaving the nest!”

“Saff, it’s not that dramatic—”

“It’s extremely dramatic! This is a milestone! A moment! Smile!”

She snapped a photo before I could protest. I probably looked terrible—hair in a messy bun, wearing my ratty high school shirt, surrounded by chaos—but Saff was already typing a caption.

“Saffron, help your sister pack instead of playing with your phone,” Mom said, not even looking up from where she was now folding my shirts with perfect hospital corners because apparently that’s a skill all lawyers have.

“I am helping! I’m creating memories!”

“Create memories by packing those books.”

Saff groaned but obeyed, because nobody argued with Mom when she used that tone.

Dad appeared in the doorway, surveying my room with his judge face. “Lily, dadalhin mo talaga lahat ng damit na ’to?”

“Yes, Dad. I need them.”

“For what?”

“For college! For events! For socializing!”

Dad looked at the mountain of clothes like I’d personally offended him. “Hindi ka na ba uuwi dito?”

I wrinkled my nose. “Of course I’ll go home,” I said. I was really trying to avoid the ‘drama’ aka me and my parents (dad) crying. I knew it’s a bit hard for them to send me to Laguna. I really appreciate the fact that I have very supportive parents. They respected my wishes even though they could’ve told me to just go to SCA or Brent like my cousins.

He sighed the long-suffering sigh of a father who’d learned that arguing with his daughters was a losing battle. “Fine. But if it doesn’t fit in the car—”

“It’ll fit! I have a system!”

I did not have a system.

But I’d figure it out.

---

An hour later, my system had failed spectacularly, but between the four of us—Mom with her organizational skills, Dad with his spatial reasoning, Sage with his annoying “you don’t need this” commentary, and Saff with her cheerleading—we’d managed to pack everything into boxes that were now stacked against my wall like a cardboard fortress.

My room looked wrong.

The walls were bare where my photos used to be. My bulletin board was empty—no more ticket stubs from concerts, no more polaroids of me and my friends, no more quotes I’d printed out and pinned up when I was feeling philosophical at 2AM.

My shelves were empty. My desk was clear. Even my fairy lights were packed away.

It didn’t look like my room anymore.

It looked like a room that was ready for someone else.

“Okay na?” Dad asked, doing his final inspection.

“I think so?”

“You think so or you know so?”

I did one more check—opened every drawer, looked under the bed, checked the closet. Everything was packed. Everything was ready.

“Okay na,” I said, and my voice came out smaller than I meant it to.

This was it.

This was really it.

I was really leaving.

Dad must have seen something in my face because he pulled me into a hug—the kind that made me feel little again. Safe. Protected.

“You’re going to be amazing, Lily,” he said quietly. “I’m so proud of you.”

My throat got tight. “What if I’m not ready?”

“Then you’ll figure it out. You always do.”

“What if I don’t make friends?”

“Lily.” He pulled back to look at me. “You made friends with everyone in your kindergarten class in one day. Including the teacher.”

“That was different—”

“You’ll be fine. You’re good at this.”

Was I though?

What if the only reason I’d had friends growing up was because our parents knew each other? What if I wasn’t actually good at making friends—what if I was just good at maintaining relationships that were already handed to me?

What if I got to UPLB and realized I didn’t know how to start from scratch?

“Stop spiraling,” Sage said, because apparently my existential crisis was written all over my face. “You’re going to be fine. You’re annoyingly likeable.”

“That’s the meanest compliment you’ve ever given me.”

“You’re welcome.”

Saff hugged me from behind, nearly knocking me over. “You’re going to have the best time, Ate. And you’re going to text me everything. Every single thing. Especially if there are cute boys.”

“Saffron Rose,” Mom said warningly.

“What? I’m just saying! College is for experiences!”

“College is for studying,” Dad said.

“And experiences!” Saff insisted. “Right, Ate?”

“Right,” I agreed, because if I was doing this—if I was really moving to Laguna and starting over—I was going to do it right. I was going to say yes to things. Meet people. Join orgs. Go to events.

I was going to have the full college experience.

No more being just the girl whose parents knew everyone. No more being Iñigo and Charisse’s daughter first, Lily second.

At UPLB, I was just going to be Lily.

Just me.

The thought was terrifying and thrilling in equal measure.

“Come on,” Dad said. “Ilagay na natin ’yung mga gamit sa sasakyan. Mahaba pa iyong biyahe.”

---

Loading three cars with my entire life took longer than expected, mostly because we kept having to reorganize when things didn’t fit.

“Lily, why do you have so many books?” Dad asked, carrying another box.

“Because I like reading.”

“These are your high school textbooks.”

“I might need them.”

“For Forestry?”

“You never know.”

Sage snorted. “You’re never going to read these again.”

“I might! What if I need to reference something?”

“From your Biology textbook?”

“Maybe.”

But I let Dad put that box in his car instead of mine, because fine, maybe I didn’t need my high school textbooks. Maybe.

Saff was documenting everything, of course. Taking photos of the boxes, the cars, the organized chaos of moving day.

“Saff, can you put down your phone and help?” Mom asked.

“I am helping! I’m preserving memories!”

“Preserve memories by carrying this box.”

“But Mom—”

“Saffron.”

Saff grabbed the box, but not before taking one more selfie with it.

I was going to miss this. The chaos. The noise. The way our family could make anything into an adventure—or at least an ordeal.

But I was also excited to have my own space. My own life. My own adventures that didn’t involve my parents knowing every single detail.

I was ready.

I think.

Maybe.

God, why did I feel like I was going to cry and laugh at the same time?

“Ate, smile!” Saff called out, camera ready.

I smiled—and this time I meant it. This time it wasn’t forced.

Because yeah, I was scared. But I was also excited.

UPLB was waiting.

My new life was waiting.

And I couldn’t wait to meet it.

---

The drive to Los Baños was long but not boring.

I was driving my own car—my graduation gift, which still felt surreal—with my favorite playlist blasting and my windows down because it was a beautiful day and I was starting college and everything felt like it was glowing.

Dad was in the car behind me with Saff, who kept texting me updates.

‘Dad’s driving so slow omg’

‘We’re going to be ancient by the time we get there’

‘WAIT ate there’s a jollibee can we stop’

‘We literally just left manila,’ I replied.

‘But i’m hungry’

‘Emotionally hungry’

‘Which requires chicken joy’

Mom was in the third car with Sage, and I knew they were having the most peaceful drive because Sage just slept in cars. It was his superpower—being able to fall asleep anywhere. I mean, he games all night. No wonder lagi siyang puyat at inaantok.

The city slowly gave way to highways, then to smaller roads, then to green. So much green. Trees everywhere. Mountains in the distance.

This was real.

This was happening.

I was really moving to Laguna.

My phone rang through the car speakers—Saff calling.

“Yes?” I answered.

“ATE. JOLLIBEE. PLEASE.”

I could hear Dad in the background. “Saffron, we just ate breakfast—”

“That was two hours ago!”

“We’ll stop for lunch—”

“But I’ll starve by then!”

I laughed. So dramatic. “We can stop for a snack. There’s a gas station coming up.”

“You’re the best Ate ever!”

“I know.”

We stopped at the next gas station. Saff got her chicken. Dad got coffee. Mom checked her work emails. Sage woke up long enough to get chips and then immediately went back to sleep.

And I stood there, leaning against my car, drinking my iced coffee, watching my family be exactly who they were, and felt this wave of emotion I couldn’t quite name.

I was going to miss them.

But I was also ready to go.

Both things could be true at once.

“Ready?” Dad asked, finishing his coffee.

“Ready,” I said.

And we got back on the road.

---

UPLB’s campus was exactly like I remembered from my when I first visited, but somehow more. More green. More alive. More real.

Because this time I wasn’t just visiting.

This time I was staying.

My apartment was in one of the residential buildings inside campus—a unit that Dad had been very particular about. We’d spent an entire weekend looking at places before he approved this one. He’d checked the locks (twice), the windows (three times), the neighborhood (constantly), and had interviewed my future neighbors like he was conducting a cross-examination.

“This one,” he’d finally said. “This one is safe.”

And now here I was, pulling up to my building, my car full of boxes, my future packed into cardboard.

“Okay,” Dad said, already getting out. “Let’s get everything inside.”

The next two hours were organized chaos of the best kind.

Dad and Sage carried the heavy boxes up the stairs. Mom directed where everything should go. Saff appointed herself interior decorator and had opinions about everything.

“Ate, the bed should face the window.”

“Why?”

“For the natural light. And the feng shui.”

“Since when do you care about feng shui?”

“Since I watched a TikTok about it.”

“That’s not how—”

“Trust me on this.”

Sage helped when forced but mostly provided commentary: “You have too many clothes.” “Why do you need four jackets?” “Bakit matigas ’yung kama mo?”

“Sage, if you’re not going to help, just go back to the car and sleep,” Mom said.

“I am helping. I’m providing honest feedback.”

“Provide it silently.”

Eventually, most of my stuff was inside—boxes stacked, furniture in place, my life condensed into this small space that was somehow mine.

My apartment.

My space.

My home for the next four years.

It looked good. It felt good.

It felt like possibility.

Mom stood in the middle of everything, surveying it with her lawyer eye. “Okay. This works. Lily—” She turned to me. “I left a list on the counter. Emergency numbers, important contacts, the hospital—”

“Mom—”

“Just in case. And you need to lock your doors. Always. Even during the day.”

“I will.”

“And text us every night when you’re home safe. Kahit anong oras, I want to know you’re okay.”

“I will, I promise.”

She looked at me for a long moment, and I saw it—that flicker of emotion she usually kept locked down. Mom was the serious one, the logical one, the one who didn’t let feelings interfere with facts.

But right now she just looked like a mom whose daughter was leaving.

“You’ll be great,” she said quietly.

“I know,” I said, even though I wasn’t sure I believed it yet.

Dad wrapped his arm around Mom’s shoulders. “Our Lily’s going to be fine. Better than fine.”

“Of course she will be,” Saff said, throwing herself dramatically on my new couch. “She’s got Sandro here! He’ll look after her.”

The mood shifted immediately.

Dad’s spine straightened. His judge face appeared.

Oh, no.

“Sandro’s here?” he asked in that carefully neutral tone that meant he was definitely not neutral about this. I didn’t really tell him about Sandro going here because… I didn’t think he was serious. Because honestly, why would he choose UPLB over his Ivy-League options? It just didn’t make sense—AT ALL.

But then he enrolled in UPLB.

I was confused.

Still confused until now.

Saff, completely oblivious to the danger, continued, “Yeah! He’s taking Agriculture here. Right, Ate?”

Every pair of eyes turned to me.

“Yes, Sandro’s here,” I said carefully. “But it’s not—we’re not—we’re just friends. Like we’ve always been.”

“Friends,” Saff repeated, and I could hear the smirk in her voice even though I wasn’t looking at her.

“Yes. Friends. Nothing more. Nothing less. Just friends.”

Why was I saying ‘friends’ so many times?

“Of course,” Mom said in that tone that meant she absolutely did not believe me but was willing to table this discussion for later.

“Can we please not make this weird?” I asked.

“Nobody’s making it weird,” Saff said. “We’re just stating facts.”

“The fact is that Sandro and I are friends. That’s it. That’s all. That’s the entire story.”

“Okay,” Dad said, but his eyes said we’ll be discussing this later .

Great.

Just great.

---

We’d planned to go to dinner—Saff had found some place on TikTok she was dying to try—but of course that’s when Mom’s phone rang with her work ringtone.

We all froze.

“Borromeo,” Mom answered, already moving to the window for better signal.

We waited in that familiar silence of knowing our plans were about to change.

“When?” Pause . “I see.” Pause . “I’ll be there in two hours.”

She hung up and looked at Dad. One look. That’s all it took after years of marriage.

“Kailangan ako sa office. Client emergency.”

“Now?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

“Now. I’m sorry. We’ll have dinner next time.”

“It’s okay. I understand.”

She pulled me into a quick hug—Mom’s version of emotional, which meant a two-second squeeze and a pat on the back. “Lock your doors. Text me tonight. Be safe.”

“I will.”

Sage gave me an awkward side-hug. “Try not to die.”

“Your confidence in me is overwhelming.”

“I’m being realistic.”

“Try not to die is not realistic advice—”

“Just don’t die, okay?”

“I’ll do my best.”

Saff hugged me properly, arms tight around my shoulders. “I’m going to miss you so much, Ate,” she whispered, and her voice cracked slightly.

Oh.

She was really upset.

“I’ll miss you too, Saff. But you can visit! Whenever you want!”

“Promise?”

“Promise. And I’ll send you photos of everything. Every single thing.”

“Even the cute boys?”

“Especially the cute boys.”

That made her laugh, watery but real.

Dad was last, and his hug lasted the longest.

“You’re going to do amazing things, Lily,” he said quietly. “I know you will.”

“What if I don’t?”

“Then you’ll figure it out and do amazing things anyway. That’s how you work.”

My throat felt tight. “Thanks, Dad.”

“And if anyone gives you any trouble—”

“I’ll tell them my dad’s a judge?”

He laughed. “Exactly. Your personal get-out-of-jail-free card.”

“I don’t think that’s how the justice system should work.”

“It’s how the dad system works,” he said in jest.

I laughed, and it came out a little sad, but that was fine.

They left, and I stood in my doorway listening to their footsteps fade, the cars starting, the engines growing distant until there was nothing but silence.

Complete silence.

I closed the door and locked it, then turned to face my new apartment.

My apartment.

All mine.

And suddenly very, very empty.

---

Okay.

Okay, this was fine.

This was good!

This was what I wanted—my own space, my own life, my own adventure.

So, why did the silence feel so loud?

I looked around at all my boxes, at my new furniture, at this space that was supposed to feel like freedom but right now just felt like… alone.

No parents downstairs. No Saff bursting into my room with updates about her crushes. No Sage making sarcastic comments while half-asleep. No sound of Dad’s TV or Mom’s work calls or anyone else existing in the same space as me.

Just me.

And the humming of the refrigerator.

And the silence.

I sat down on my couch—my couch, in my apartment, in my new life—and let myself feel it for a second. The loneliness. The fear. The what-have-I-done panic that was creeping up my throat.

But only for a second.

Because I’d wanted this. I’d chosen this. And I was going to be good at this.

Kailangan ko lang mag-adjust.

I took a shower, blasted music to fill the silence, and changed into comfortable clothes. My stomach growled, reminding me that we’d skipped lunch and it was now past seven and I should probably eat something.

I should go out. Explore campus. Find food. Maybe meet people.

This was my fresh start. My chance to be just Lily—not Judge Borromeo and Atty. Borromeo’s daughter, not the girl from the family everyone knew, just me.

Kaya ko ’to.

I grabbed my phone and keys, gave myself a pep talk in the mirror (“You’re fun. You’re friendly. You’re going to make so many friends. This is going to be great.”), and opened my door.

My phone buzzed just as I was about to step outside.

‘Just got here’

‘Parents just left’

‘Have you had dinner? Want to get food together?’

The relief was immediate and overwhelming.’

‘YES PLEASE,’ I immediately replied. ‘I was just about to go out.’

‘I’ll come get you in 10 minutes.’

I closed the door and leaned against it, letting out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

Okay.

Not completely alone.

Not starting from zero.

Sandro was here.

I tried not to think about why that made me feel so much better.

---

Sandro showed up exactly ten minutes later, and the first thing I thought was: Oh.

Because I’d seen Sandro plenty of times. Obviously. We’d grown up together. I’d seen him at family gatherings, during Christmas breaks, at that reunion last summer.

But for some reason, parang… may iba.

This was him standing in my doorway, in my space, physically here and not thousands of miles away in Seattle or on a video call or just a voice through my phone.

Actually, really, physically here.

He was wearing a plain black shirt and jeans, hair slightly messy like he’d also just showered, and he looked exactly like Sandro except—

Except something felt different.

Weird.

Baka mas sanay lang ako na nakikita siya sa screen? And nakikita siya physically tuwing summer or Christmas? And seeing him when it’s not summer or Christmas was throwing me off a bit?

Probably.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey!” I grabbed my bag. “Dinner na tayo?”

He nodded. “Okay.”

We started walking, and I tried to shake off the weird feeling. This was Sandro. Same Sandro who I’d taught to ride a bike when we were kids. Same Sandro who I used to drag around because he was so shy during family gatherings. Same Sandro who’d been in my life since forever.

Nothing had changed.

Ganito pa rin naman kami—only we’re in UPLB now.

“So,” I said, because silence felt wrong. “How’s your place?”

“Good. Small, but good. Yours?”

“Same! My mom left me this whole list of emergency contacts. Like a full typed-out list with phone numbers and addresses and everything.”

He smiled. “Mom left me actual supplies. First aid kit, fire extinguisher, flashlight with extra batteries.”

Natawa ako. “Wow. Tita Lyana’s not playing around,” I commented.

“She made me promise to text her twice a day. Morning and night.”

“My mom wants updates every time I get home. Kahit anong oras.”

“I’m surprised Tito Iñigo didn’t put track device on you.”

I laughed. “Who knows? Maybe he’s tracking me right now!”

The campus at night was beautiful. Everything was lit by street lamps and moonlight, the trees creating shadows on the paths, students scattered around in groups and couples and alone with headphones in.

This was my campus now.

My school.

My world.

“Where do you want to eat?” Sandro asked.

“I don’t know? Do you have any idea ba? Hindi pa kasi ako nakakapag-ikot sa school.”

“Want to just walk until we find something?”

“Sure.”

We wandered, and it felt easy. Natural. Like we’d done this a million times before, even though we hadn’t—not like this, not just the two of us, not in this place.

We found a small restaurant with outdoor seating.

“Here?” Sandro asked.

“Yes!”

We ordered—adobo for him and sinigang for me because it sounded good—and sat at one of the tables outside.

For the first few minutes we just ate, and it was comfortable. Easy.

But then I noticed the silence felt different from before. Not bad different. Just… different.

Like I was suddenly conscious of the fact that it was just us. No parents. No siblings. No cousins. No buffer.

Just me and Sandro and this weird new dynamic I couldn’t quite figure out.

“So,” Sandro said, and I realized he’d been quiet, too. “First day.”

“First day!” I grinned at him. “How does it feel?”

“Weird. Good weird, but weird. You?”

“Same. Excited but also terrified? Like I don’t know anyone here except you, and what if I’m terrible at making friends? What if everyone here is way cooler than me? What if—”

“Lily.”

“What?”

“You’re going to be fine. You’re good at meeting people.”

“Am I though? What if I was only good at it because all my friends growing up were… I don’t know, built in? Like our parents knew each other so we had to be friends?”

“That’s not how it worked.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I watched you make friends with literally everyone. At every party, every event, every family gathering—you always knew everyone by the end of the night.”

“That’s different—”

“It’s not different. You’re just good at it.”

I wanted to believe him. I really did.

“What about you?” I asked. “Nervous?”

He was quiet for a moment. “A little.”

“Really?”

“It’s different here. Everything’s different from Seattle.”

Oh.

Right.

Seattle had been his home for years. His school, his friends, his life. And now he was here, starting completely over, and I’d been so focused on my own feelings I hadn’t really thought about what that meant for him.

“Why UPLB?” I asked. “I mean, I know the Agriculture program’s good, but you could’ve gone anywhere. Cornell, or—”

“I wanted to be here.”

Something about the way he said it made my stomach do that flip thing again.

“Oh,” I said. “That’s… that’s good. Having you here will be nice. Familiar, you know?”

He nodded and went back to his food.

We finished eating and started walking again, no particular destination in mind. Just exploring.

We ended up at Freedom Park—this huge open space right in the middle of campus. This was one of the reasons why I wanted to go here in UPLB. I imagined myself just walking around here at night, after class. Just me alone with my thoughts.

And now, that’s my reality.

Nakaka-amaze.

I sat down on the grass without really thinking about it. Just wanted to stop and take it all in.

Sandro sat next to me—not too close, but close enough that I was aware of him there.

“This is really happening,” I said quietly.

“Yeah.”

“We’re really here.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s kind of crazy.”

“Good crazy?”

I thought about it. “Yeah. Good crazy.”

We sat there in comfortable silence, and I watched the people around us. Everyone looked so comfortable, so like they belonged here. And I wondered how long it would take before I felt that way too.

Someone walked past eating ice cream, and my brain immediately locked onto it.

“Gusto ko ng ice cream,” I said.

Sandro stood up. “What flavor?”

“You don’t have to—”

“What flavor?” he asked.

“Um. Ube? Or cookies and cream. Whatever they have.”

He headed towards AA Mart without another word.

That was Sandro. Just… doing things without making it a big deal.

I watched him go, then went back to people-watching. There was so much life here. So much energy. I couldn’t wait to be part of it.

I looked back toward the store to see if Sandro was coming back yet. Malayo ba ’yung bilihan ng ice cream? But I could see the store from here.

But then I saw him. He was there. He was talking to someone—a girl with long hair, pretty smile, animated hands as she spoke.

They talked for a minute. She laughed. He smiled politely.

Something uncomfortable twisted in my chest.

Wait, why did I care?

I didn’t care. Sandro could talk to whoever he wanted. That was fine. That was good! He should make friends here!

The girl touched his arm.

Okay, that was weird. Why was she already so touchy? Magkakilala na ba sila ni Sandro before? I thought kami lang ang friends niya sa Philippines? Did he lie about that? Where did he make friends? Because he told me even in Isabela, he mainly stayed in Tito Sancho’s hacienda and mga kabayo lang ang kinakausap niya doon…

Who was this girl?

I looked away, focused on the guitar music someone was playing nearby, tried to ignore the weird feeling in my stomach.

When I looked back, Sandro was walking toward me with two ice cream cups.

“Here,” he said, handing me one.

“Thanks.” I took it, then couldn’t stop myself. “Who was that?”

“What?”

“Iyong kausap mo. Who was she?”

He shrugged. “Don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“She just came up to me and started talking.”

“Oh. What did she want?”

“Lily—”

“What? I’m just curious,” I immediately said as I opened the cup of ice cream and started digging in.

Sandro sat beside me. “She just asked my name. What I’m studying.”

“Oh.” I opened my ice cream. “She was pretty.”

“Okay.”

“I think she was interested in you. You should’ve gotten her number!”

“I don’t want her number.”

“Why not? She seemed nice. And she was really pretty—”

“I’m not interested.”

He said it while looking directly at me, and something about his tone made me stop.

“Oh,” I said quietly. “Okay.”

We ate our ice cream in silence, and the comfortable feeling from before was gone. Now it just felt… weird.

But I didn’t know why.

“We should probably head back,” I said, finishing my ice cream. “It’s getting late.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

We walked back to my building in silence—not the comfortable kind. The kind where something felt unsaid but neither of us knew what it was.

When we reached my building, I stopped.

“Thanks for dinner. And the ice cream.”

“No problem.”

“This was nice. Having someone here, you know?”

Sandro just nodded as he stared at me.

“See you around?” I asked because his stares were making me feel weird for some reason. Hindi lang talaga ako sanay na nandito siya ng hindi summer or Pasko.

“See you around,” he replied.

I watched him walk away, then headed upstairs to my apartment.

What a freaking weird day. 

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Chapter 2

My alarm went off at 6AM, pero mas nauna akong magising.

I’d been awake since 5:30, staring at the ceiling, mentally running through my schedule for the hundredth time. First class at 8:30AM—PI 10, gen ed, bunch of freshmen from different colleges—perfect opportunity to find friends. Then a break. Then my first real Forestry class at 10:30.

I was ready. So ready. I’d picked out my outfit last night. Changed it twice. Settled on jeans and a nice top—approachable but not trying too hard—but who the heck was I kidding? I was trying hard! I wanted friends! I have to look nice and approachable. Sabi pa naman sa akin medyo mukha akong masungit. I got my mom’s features, so I have to work double to really communicate with people and be like ‘hey, so I don’t bite! I just have this face! Let’s be friends!’

I’d checked my bag three times. Printed my schedule kahit naman naka-save na sa phone ko. Studied the campus map until I could probably navigate it with my eyes closed—although I’d still probably get lost since super laki ng UPLB. But whatever. I have my phone with me naman—and worse comes to worst, I’d probably beg Sandro to pick me up kung saan man ako maligaw.

I was extremely ready.

So, bakit parang gusto kong sumuka?

I rolled out of bed and headed straight for the shower, blasting music to drown out the nervous thoughts. This was fine. This was good. First day of college. I was going to meet people and make friends and be amazing.

Pep talk in the mirror while I got dressed was like— ‘You’re Lily Delphine Borromeo. You’re friendly. You’re fun. You made friends at every family party you ever went to. This is literally the same thing except none of these people knew you as a baby. Actually, that’s better. Fresh start. They don’t know your embarrassing moments. You’ve got this.’

But my reflection looked skeptical.

Mukha talaga akong masusuka.

“You’ve got this,” I repeated, louder this time.

Still skeptical, but whatever. I grabbed my bag and headed out.

Bahala na talaga.

---

The campus looked completely different during the day.

At night, everything had been soft and quiet and manageable. During the day, it was alive —students everywhere, bikes zipping past, jeepneys rumbling by, the sound of a thousand conversations happening all at once.

So many people.

So many people who all seemed to know exactly where they were going while I was checking my phone map every thirty seconds like a lost tourist.

Building here. Path there. Wait, was I even going the right way?

Saan nga ulit iyong PI 10 class ko? It’s in CAS, right?

A group of students walked past, laughing about something. They looked so comfortable. So like they belonged here.

I wanted that. I wanted to look like I belonged here, too.

Fake it till you make it, right?

I hope I wouldn’t fake it for too long tho.

I found my classroom with ten minutes to spare, thank god! I was already stressed with everything that’s happening in my life and mas lalo lang akong mase-stress kapag na-late din ako sa pinaka-unang class ko.

The room was still mostly empty. A few students scattered around, some on their phones, some already chatting with people they apparently knew. Okay. I hope maging friend ko kung sinuman ang makaka-tabi ko sa upuan.

I picked a seat in the middle—not front row eager, not back row slacker. Middle was safe. Middle was where friends happened… or was it in the back? But this room was too big! Baka hindi ako maka-focus sa class kapag nasa pinaka-likuran naman ako. Although I wanted to make friends, goal ko rin naman na magkaroon ng magandang grades. I didn’t come to UPLB to slack off.

I sat down, pulled out my notebook, and tried to look casually confident while internally screaming.

More students filtered in. The room filled up. Still no one sitting directly next to me, and I was starting to worry that I had some kind of invisible ’ don’t sit here ’ aura when—

“This seat taken?”

I looked up. A girl—curly hair, bright smile, carrying way too many books for one class.

“No! It’s free!” Too enthusiastic. Dial it back, Lily.

She dropped into the seat with a dramatic sigh. “Thank god. I thought I was going to be late. I got so lost trying to find this building. Bakit ba walang proper signs dito?”

I laughed. “Right? I’ve been using Google Maps every five minutes.”

“Oh my god, same! I look like a total freshman.”

“Well… we are freshmen.”

“True, pero we don’t have to look like it.” She stuck out her hand. “Mara. BS Bio.”

“Lily. Forestry.”

“Ooh, Forestry! That’s up the mountain, right?”

“Yeah, that one.”

“Good luck with that. I’m already dying from walking to this building.”

The professor walked in, and we had to stop talking, but Mara leaned over and whispered, “Want to sit together next meeting?” she suddenly asked. Wow… did she hear me spiralling? Or did she also worry about making friends? So, it wasn’t just me? Problem ba ’to ng lahat ng freshmen? Hindi ako OA lang gaya ng sinasabi ni Sage?

“Yes, definitely.”

She smiled and turned her attention to the front.

Okay.

First friend: acquired.

I could do this.

---

After class, Mara and I exchanged numbers and Instagram username while walking out together.

“So, where’s your next class?” she asked.

“I have a break, then Forestry subject at 1:30.”

“Lucky. May Bio class na ako agad.” She made a face. “Why did I choose a science degree? What was I thinking?”

I laughed. “You’ll be fine!”

“You don’t know that. I might die. If I do, tell my family I loved them.”

Okay, she’s dramatic. I like her. She reminded me off Saff. Ugh. I miss my family already kahit nagkita naman kami kahapon lang.

“I’ll make sure it’s a nice eulogy,” I replied in jest.

Mara smiled at me. “Appreciate it. Okay, I gotta run. Text me!” She waved and took off jogging toward—honestly, I had no idea where, but she seemed confident about it.

I stood there for a second, feeling absurdly proud of myself.

One class down. One friend made. I was doing it.

I checked my phone. Still had a few hours before my next class. I could explore, grab coffee, maybe find the library—

My phone buzzed.

‘How’s the first day going?’

Oh, right. Today was Sandro’s first day din! I wonder how he’s holding up? I felt like he’d be fine. I mean, kahit nga last night, may nag-approach na agad sa kanya na babae. Should… I ask him? I mean, I should, right? Tita Lyana asked me to look after Sandro—as if her son’s not a 6’2 man. If any, he should be the one looking out for me.

‘Good! Just finished my first class. Made a friend already haha’

‘Told you you’d be fine.’

‘Yeah yeah you were right,’ I replied. ‘How about you? Made any friends yet?’

‘Friends? I just met these people.’

I chuckled at his message. This was so Sandro. This was the reason why I had to drag him around with me and basically threatened him to play with Laslo before. Because if he had it his way, he’d say that he’s fine being alone.

‘So no one asked for your number again?’

‘Someone did.’

Napa-kunot iyong noo ko sa message niya.

I tried to type a reply.

But I ended up erasing it.

I didn’t want to sound like his mom kasi so what naman if someone asked for his number? May humingi din naman ng number ko. Totally normal.

‘We already formed groups for the sem. The group leader asked for the contact numbers.’

I stared at his message again.

Ah.

’Yon lang pala.

’ You have a break before your next class, right? Want to grab lunch?’ he asked.

I paused, fingers hovering over the keyboard.

Lunch with Sandro sounded nice.

I was about to reply with yes but then I received a DM from Mara telling me that her class was cancelled and she was asking me if I wanted to grab lunch together.

Napa-tingin ulit ako sa message ni Sandro.

I needed to put myself out there. Make my own friends. Build my own circle.

And Sandro should, too. We couldn’t just hang out with each other the whole time. That defeated the entire purpose of being here.

’

Sorry I already made plans. How about dinner?’

‘Yeah sure’

‘Have fun’

I stared at his messages for a second. They seemed… short. But that was just Sandro. He was always kind of quiet over text—quiet but consistent. He’d always consistently message me kaya kahit nasa Seattle siya, it felt like I was aware about everything that has happened so far in his life.

But this was good. This was healthy. We both needed space to make our own friends.

I shoved my phone in my pocket and headed toward the place Mara said we should have lunch at.

---

After my lunch, pumunta na agad ako sa College of Forestry. I gave myself ample of time in case na maligaw ako. I’d been here before but still… you’d never know!

Thankfully, I found the room easily enough. This time I was prepared.

Strategic middle seat. Notebook ready. Pens organized. Game face on.

Students started filing in, and I did my best to look friendly and approachable without looking desperately lonely.

The girl who sat two seats away from me had her hair in a perfect high ponytail and was wearing an outfit that looked effortlessly put together. She pulled out a book, a notebook, and started reviewing notes.

Oh, my god.

What notes? Ni wala pa nga kaming class for this subject! Did I miss an announcement or something?!

More students came in and I was starting to panic. I kept on looking around—trying to figure out kung nagrereview na ba ng ‘notes’ lahat and ako lang ba ang walang alam? To an outsider’s perspective, I probably looked sketchy as heck because I kept on looking around like I was trying to hide some crime I just committed. But really, I just wanted to know kung ako lang ba ang clueless sa notes na dapat ko ring aralin?!

My spiralling thoughts were interrupted when someone sat directly next to me.

I looked up, and up, because this girl was tall. And pretty. Oh, she’s so pretty.

“Hi,” she said with an easy smile. “Freshman?”

“Yeah! How’d you know?”

“You also have that panicked look,” she said.

I laughed. “That obvious?”

“Only to someone else doing the same thing.” She held out her hand. “Rachel. Forestry, also freshman, also pretending I know what I’m doing.”

“Lily.” I shook her hand. Her grip was firm. “I spent like twenty minutes last night staring at the course description trying to figure out what half these subjects mean.”

“Oh my god, same! Also, did you notice that some people were reviewing notes? Did I miss an announcement somewhere?”

My eyes widened. “Exactly what I was thinking!”

She laughed, and it was one of those laughs that made you want to laugh, too. Genuine and warm and just… nice.

“Don’t worry, I did ask her,” she said and then pointed out at the girl na nakita ko kanina na nagrereview ng notes niya. “She’s reviewing for a different subject.”

“Oh,” I said, relieved. “Thank you.”

“No prob,” she replied.

Was she… my second friend? Wow, I was on a roll!

---

A few minutes later, the professor walked in and started talking about course expectations and fieldwork and how Forestry wasn’t for people who were scared of mud.

Rachel leaned over and whispered, “He looks like he’s about to tell us to drop out while we still can.”

I bit back a laugh.

The professor went on about practicals and actual forest work and how we’d be spending more time outside than inside, and I felt my excitement building. This was why I chose Forestry. This was what I wanted. Honestly, I could’ve taken any other degree, but just thinking about spending my life inside an office already scares me. I wanted to be outside.

Rachel seemed into it too—leaning forward slightly, actually paying attention instead of just pretending to.

When class ended, we both stood up at the same time.

“So,” Rachel said, slinging her bag over her shoulder, “that was a bit scary.”

“Right? But kind of exciting?”

Rachel nodded. “Super exciting. I mean, terrifying, but exciting.” She paused, then looked at me. “Hey, some of us are planning to grab coffee. Want to come?”

“Oh!” My heart jumped. This was exactly what I wanted. But I immediately caught myself. I needed to tone down my enthusiasm. Baka ma-weirduhan siya sa akin. “Yes, sure.”

“Okay, cool. I’ll just text the others kung san tayo.”

We headed out together, and Rachel immediately started introducing me to people—other Forestry freshmen whose names I tried desperately to remember. There was Miguel. Julia—the one with the freaking notes that almost sent me into cardiac arrest. And two others whose names escaped me immediately but seemed nice.

We ended up at one of the cafés in RG. Doon kami sumakay sa sasakyan ni Miguel.

We fell into easy conversation—talking about classes, professors, adjusting to college life. Rachel was so easy to talk to. She asked good questions, actually listened to the answers, made everyone feel included.

I could see why people gravitated toward her.

I wished I was more like her.

“So what about orgs?” Rachel asked, looking at me. “Planning to join any?”

“I actually want to. I just don’t know which ones yet.”

“There’s going to be an org fair next week yata,” Julia said. “Thursday, I think?”

“We should all go together,” Rachel suggested.

Oh, wow… Was my anxiety that bad that it seemed like the universe sent Rachel to calm some of my nerves?

“Yes, please,” I said.

“And we need someone to stop Rachel from joining everything,” Julia said.

“I just want a big circle, sue me. Also, I have good judgment!”

“You tried to join a pyramid scheme last year.”

“That was ONE time and I didn’t know!”

Everyone laughed, and I felt that warm glow of belonging. Of being part of something.

This was exactly what I’d hoped college would be like.

We stayed there for almost an hour, just talking and eating and getting to know each other. By the time we were done, I had four new numbers in my phone and plans to meet up for the org fair.

“Okay, I have to go,” Rachel said, checking her phone. “I have one more class. Lily, you?”

“I’m done for the day, actually.”

“Lucky! See you around, Lils.”

“Definitely.”

She waved and headed off with Julia. Miguel asked me if I wanted him to drive me back to my apartment. I declined. It was a nice offer, but my dad would have a heart attack if I let some guy I just met drive me home. Besides, gusto ko rin namang maglakad-lakad muna.

So, I stood there for a second, trying to process how well everything was going.

Two friends. No, six friends. In one day.

Also, wow, tapos na ako sa first day of class ko.

I was actually doing this.

---

I didn’t have anywhere to be, so I just wandered around campus for a bit. Taking in the sights, trying to memorize paths and buildings. Ayoko naman na araw-araw akong maliligaw.

There were so many people doing their own thing—people playing Ultimate Frisbee on a field, someone practicing guitar under a tree, a group doing what looked like a dance rehearsal.

I ended up back at Freedom Park—same place Sandro and I had been last night, but it looked completely different during the day. I sat down on the grass, pulled out my phone, and started scrolling through Instagram. Saff had already posted three selfies. Mom had texted asking if I’d eaten lunch. Dad had sent a message reminding me to lock my doors. Sage was nowhere to be found—probably playing games again. What’s new?

I was starting to reply when I heard someone call my name.

“Lily?”

I looked up.

Rachel was walking toward me with her bag, and she wasn’t alone. Miguel was with her, along with Julia and a couple other people from our Forestry class.

“I thought you had class?”

“Got cancelled,” Rachel said, dropping down next to me on the grass. “Kanina ka pa dito?”

I nodded. “Just people watching.”

Naupo na rin sila Miguel. It was so nice. They settled in around me, and we just sat there talking about nothing important—classes, professors, how the party life in UPLB is, the best food place on campus.

It was easy. Comfortable.

And then I saw him.

Sandro, walking across the park with his backpack, probably heading back to his apartment or to the library. He hadn’t seen me yet for sure. Kasi kung nakita niya ako, he’d immediately walk towards me.

“Sandro!” I called out before I could think about it.

He turned, saw me, and something flickered across his face. Surprise? Hesitation? I couldn’t tell.

He walked over, and I noticed he was moving slower than usual. Like he wasn’t sure if he should be coming over.

Nang maka-lapit sa amin si Sandro, he just gave me a small nod. Mabilis na tinignan niya iyong mga tao sa paligid ko. I quickly introduced Sandro to everyone.

“Hi,” Sandro said politely.

“Sandro’s taking Agriculture,” I added since Sandro would never voluntarily offer information. I just wanted him to have friends, too. “We’re family friends. Known each other forever.”

“Oh, cool,” Rachel said, and I noticed she was actually looking at him. Not just glancing—looking. “Agriculture, right?”

Sandro nodded at her question, but he was still looking at me. Kumunot ang noo ko. Tsk. How was this kid raised? Hindi ba niya alam na dapat tumingin ka sa kausap mo?

“How was it?” Rachel asked, trying to make a conversation. “I was actually considering Agri din before.”

“Fine,” Sandro replied.

Rachel just smiled—she probably thought that Sandro didn’t want to talk to her judging by his short replies. I kind of felt bad for her. She just wanted Sandro to be comfortable gaya nung ginawa niya for me kanina.

There was a pause, slightly awkward, so I jumped in. “Pauwi ka na?”

Sandro nodded. “Just finished my last class.”

“How was lunch? Did you find someone to eat with?” The question came out before I realized how it sounded—like I was checking if he was okay after I’d turned him down.

He nodded again and offered no further explanation kung may kasama ba siyang maglunch? Sino? Saan sila kumain? May babae na naman ba na humingi ng number niya?

“You can sit with us if you want,” Rachel suddenly offered. “We’re just hanging out.”

“Thanks,” Sandro simply replied. “Need to go home.”

“Oh, okay,” Rachel replied with a smile.

Sandro adjusted his backpack. “See you later,” sabi niya habang naka-tingin sa akin.

I nodded. “Yeah, okay,” I said, suddenly remembering that we made plans earlier to have dinner together.

He just nodded at the group and walked away.

I watched him go for a second before turning back to everyone.

Rachel was still looking in the direction he’d walked. “He seems nice.”

“Yeah, Sandro’s great. It just takes him a while to warm up to people,” I said na para bang binebenta ko si Sandro sa kanila. I just didn’t want them to get the wrong impression. Sandro’s really nice! It just takes a while for him to open up, but once he does? He’ll be one of the best people to have in your corner—a definite ride or die.

“How long have you known him?”

“Since we were kids. Our families are really close. Like, spending-every-holiday-together close.”

“That’s cute,” Rachel said, but she was smiling in this way I couldn’t quite read. “It must be nice having someone you know here.”

“Yeah, it is.”

The conversation moved on to other things, but I noticed Rachel seemed distracted for a minute. Like she was thinking about something.

---

By the time I got back to my apartment, it was already dark outside and I was exhausted. I dropped my bag by the door, kicked off my shoes, and collapsed on my couch. Oh, my god, I was super tired.

My phone immediately buzzed with the Borromeo family group chat.

Saff:

HOW WAS IT

Saff:

TELL ME EVERYTHING

Saff:

DID YOU MAKE FRIENDS

Saff:

ATE ANSWER ME OR I’LL CALL

I laughed and started typing.

Me:

first day = success

Me:

made friends, didn’t get lost (much), all classes were good

Saff:

FRIENDS?? NAMES. NOW.

Me:

mara and rachel and some blockmates

Saff:

okay but BOYS

Me:

baliw

Mom:

Kumain ka na ba?

Me:

yes po. had lunch with new found friends

Mom:

Dinner?

Me:

In a while

Dad:

Lock mo pinto mo

Me:

yes dad

Sage:

still alive?

Me:

unfortunately for you, yes

Sage:

damn

Me:

love you too

I set my phone down and stared at my ceiling.

First day of college: complete.

I’d made friends. Multiple friends. I’d sat with a friend at lunch. Had coffee with a new group of friends after. Made plans with said group of friends for the org fair. I’d survived.

More than survived—I’d actually had fun.

My phone buzzed again. Not the group chat this time.

‘What time?’

‘Give me 30 minutes. Super tired. I wanna nap.’

‘Okay pero pwede na ba ako pumunta d’yan?’

‘Yup sure’

I’d known Sandro since forever. It’s totally fine for him na pumunta dito sa apartment ko.

I thought medyo matatagalan pa siya, but he was already knocking on my door a few minutes later. I opened the door for him. He sat on the carpet on the floor while I was lying down on the couch, trying to nap. I was really tired and I really wanted to nap, but I was probably still too wired from all the first day energy.

After a while, I finally gave up sa nap agenda ko.

But as I was trying to sit down, bigla akong napa-tingin sa phone ni Sandro. He was on Instagram—specifically on the notifications tab . For some reason, a familiar name quickly caught my attention.

itsmerachel requested to follow you

Oh.

How the heck did Rachel find his private account? 

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Chapter 3

itsmerachel

requested to follow you

I knew I should avert my gaze. This was none of my business. I mean, wasn’t it actually a good thing na finollow siya ni Rachel? It meant that she wanted to be friends with him, right? And… wasn’t that what I wanted? Na magkaroon kami ng friends ni Sandro dito sa UPLB? It shouldn’t even matter kung same friend na naman kami… right?

It’s a good—wait.

How?

How did Rachel find Sandro’s private Instagram account?

Sandor’s account was private. Like, really private. The username wasn’t even his actual name—it was some random combination of letters and numbers that I had set up for him before. He had no interest in social media. He told me before that he’s fine with FaceTime and iMessage . Although may FOMO ata si Sandro because he always asks me what I was up to. I was all for telling him kung anuman ang ginagawa ko sa buhay, but sometimes, I get busy with my own life din.

But to make sure everyone’s happy, I made him an Instagram account. I followed my own account. I told him he can just watch my stories because I usually just post them there—that way, he’d be updated like just everyone else. I gave him the username and the password. I thought babaguhin niya kasi super random letters lang ’yon. He didn’t even bother to put a display picture!

So, how the hell did Rachel find it?

Did I mention his username to her? I tried to replay our conversations. Nope, definitely didn’t come up. Did I accidentally show her his profile when I was scrolling? No, I didn’t have my phone out when we were talking about him.

Also, I didn’t think Sandro and Instagram became our topic of conversation at the same time.

Did she ask someone else? But who? None of our blockmates knew Sandro yet.

Ako lang naman ang kakilala ni Sandro dito.

What the heck?

I didn’t know if I’d be impressed or scared.

“Lily?”

I blinked. Sandro was looking at me, confused as to why I’d frozen mid-sentence while staring at his phone.

“Sorry, what?”

“You okay? You just stopped talking.”

I blinked. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just—” I quickly drew a deep breath. I should act calm. Kasi ano naman ang sasabihin ko if he had asked another question? Why was I even bothered anyway? I gestured vaguely at his phone. “You got a notification.”

He glanced at his screen, and I watched his face for any reaction. There was none. Just his usual neutral expression. And then he put his phone in his pocket without even checking the notification.

But why?

Wasn’t he curious? Wasn’t he going to check who it was?

Or… did he want to check it later kapag mag-isa na lang siya?

I wanted to ask more but I didn’t want to reveal that I’d read his notification, which would make me look like a total creep. So I just sat there, pretending everything was normal while my brain was spinning at maximum speed.

“So,” Sandro said, standing up from where he’d been sitting on my floor. “Dinner?”

Right. Dinner. We’d made plans earlier.

Sandro kept on asking me kung saan ko gustong kumain, but told him that he could just decide. I didn’t want any food in particular. In fact, I just wanted to go home and lay in my bed. This had been an incredibly long day. Pagod lang siguro ako.

Akala ko sa ibang restaurant kami pupunta, but we ended up going to the same place we ate in during our first night here in UPLB. Sandro kept on glancing at me while I kept on glancing at his phone.

Was he going to check Instagram? Was he going to accept Rachel’s follow request? Did he even care?

“How was your day?” Sandro suddenly asked. I quickly averted my gaze. Did he notice na kanina pa ako naka-tingin sa phone niya? Did he even know na notification from Rachel ’yung na-receive niya? Did he even remember Rachel? Because as far as I knew, hindi mabilis maka-remember ng tao si Sandro… I remember all the times I introduced him to my classmates kasi gusto ko na dumami iyong friends niya but he’d barely remember their names. I used to be annoyed by this kasi nag-e-effort ako to widen his circle and he just couldn’t be bothered.

So, again, why was I bothered?

Wasn’t this a good thing actually? That it’s Rachel who’s reaching out? No matter how creepy I might think it was?

Because again, how did she find his Instagram!

“Fine,” I said. “Made friends. We had lunch together, and then after class we all hung out sa Freedom Park—sila ’yung nakita mo na kasama ko earlier.” I was rambling. I did that when I was nervous. “It’s nice. Having a group, you know?”

He just nodded.

I waited for him to say anything, but he didn’t. Just ate his food.

His phone buzzed.

Again.

I tried not to look. I really did.

But my eyes betrayed me, flicking toward the screen that lit up with a notification I couldn’t quite read from this angle.

Sandro noticed. Of course he noticed.

“You want to check my phone?” he asked, and I couldn’t tell if he was joking or annoyed. Or if he was serious.

I mean… could I? I just wanted to see if it’s Rachel! And if it was, ano iyong sasabihin niya kay Sandro?

“What? No. I wasn’t—”

“Lily.”

“I just—your phone went off and I—it was a reflex, I wasn’t trying to—”

He picked up his phone, unlocked it, and held it out to me. “Here. You can look.”

“I don’t want to look at your phone,” I quickly said, shaking my head. I would never violate his privacy like that—same way I wouldn’t like it kung bubuksan niya iyong phone ko without my permission. It’s just that… curiosity was killing me.

“You keep staring at it.”

“I’m not staring!” medyo napa-lakas na sabi ko. Some people looked at our direction. I quickly noticed how their expressions changed when they took note of the guy sitting across from me. Kailan ba ako masasanay? This guy turns heads wherever we go.

“You’ve looked at it five times in the past ten minutes.”

Had I? Okay, maybe I had. But not on purpose!

“Oh… Hindi ko sinasadya. I was busy looking around, you know? Still new to this whole UPLB environment,” I said. I would never admit na gusto kong malaman iyong laman ng notif niya.

Sandro gave a small nod. “Okay,” he said. Before he turned off his phone, may read something on it. Hindi alam ng mga mata ko kung saan ako unang titingin—sa phone niya ba o sa reaksyon sa face niya.

In the end, I tried to look at both.

I failed at both.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Lily?” he asked again.

I forced a smile. “Yup.”

I needed to get a grip. This was ridiculous. I was being ridiculous.

So what if Rachel followed Sandro on Instagram? So what if he accepted? It’s social media—we’re supposed to socialize in social media. Duh. It’s only right that they socialize.

Except.

Except I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

---

“Thanks for dinner,” I said when we reached my apartment building. I told Sandro that I could walk home by myself. Malapit lang naman ’yung apartment ko. Also, I wanted some time to myself para makapag-isip-isip ako as to why I was overthinking a simple Instagram notification.

“No problem.”

“See you tomorrow?”

He just nodded. He looked like he was about to say something else, but then he just nodded and turned to leave. Naka-tingin lang ako habang papa-layo siya.

“Sandro,” I called out before I could stop myself.

He turned back. “Yeah?”

“Did you—” I hesitated. Was I really going to ask this? Did I really need to know? “Never mind.”

“Did I what?”

“Nothing. It’s stupid.”

“Lily.”

Tumingin ako sa kanya. I knew right there and then na kapag hindi ko tinanong, I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight. I would always check Sandro’s follower list and titignan kung nadagdagan ’yon.

I sighed. “Did you accept Rachel’s follow request?”

There was a pause.

A long pause.

Agad na kumunot ang noo niya. I knew it! He’d think na weird ako dahil bakit nga ba nakikitingin ako sa notif ng may notif? I remember having a big fit nung bata pa sila Sage and Saff and they read my diary. I ranted about that for weeks kay Sandro… and now, I was basically doing the same thing.

“I didn’t mean to look sa phone mo! It just popped up on your screen while we were having dinner and I—I wasn’t snooping, I swear, it was just there and—”

“It’s fine,” Sandro said, cutting off my spiral. “Yeah, I accepted it.”

Oh.

He… accepted?

Why?

I had a lot of things I wanted to ask him. Because why did he accept? Why was he more friendly now? What changed? Dati ni hindi niya tinatandaan iyong pangalan ng mga classmates ko even when I practically begged him to.

So, what changed?

“Oh,” I said. That’s all I said because that was all I could manage to say.

“Why are you asking?”

“Just curious,” I simply replied. He looked at me like he could see right through my terrible lying, but he didn’t call me out on it. “Sige na. Good night na,” I continued. I quickly turned my back on him and went inside the building.

Once inside, I immediately pulled out my phone and opened Instagram. Rachel’s profile. Following 847 people now. So, she did just follow everyone, right? It wasn’t specific to Sandro.

Except.

I clicked through to Sandro’s profile. Private account. 23 followers.

He’d accepted Rachel.

I exited the app, opened it again, checked one more time like the number would have changed.

Still 23 followers.

I threw my phone on the couch and pressed my palms against my eyes.

What was wrong with me?

Why did I care?

It was just Instagram. It meant nothing. Rachel probably followed him because I mentioned we were friends. That was normal. I mean, she follows 847 people! She’d probably follow Lucho’s public account if I introduce him to her. That was what people did—they followed their friends’ friends.

Everything was fine.

I picked up my phone again.

Opened Instagram again.

Closed it.

Opened it.

“Oh my god, Lily, stop,” I said out loud to myself.

I plugged in my phone and forced myself to get ready for bed.

Tomorrow was Day 2. More classes. More opportunities to prove I was adjusting well and definitely not spiraling over something as stupid as an Instagram follow request.

I was fine.

Everything was fine.

---

I woke up before my alarm, which was starting to become a pattern.

First thing I did—and I was not proud of this—was check Instagram.

Sandro’s profile. Still 23 followers. Rachel was there in the list.

He hadn’t posted anything. Rachel hadn’t posted anything about him.

Everything was normal.

See? Normal.

I got ready for class, trying to shake off the weird feeling from last night.

Today I had Math in the morning, then a break, then another Forestry subject in the afternoon. Manageable schedule. I could do this. Although I wished I had more classes today. I definitely could use more distraction. It wasn’t fun thinking about Instagram and Instagram notifications. I felt like I was going insane.

I was halfway to the Math building when I saw him.

Sandro, walking across the road with his backpack, probably heading to his first class. I stared at him for a few seconds. He was wearing a plain white shirt, cream colored cargo shorts, and white sneakers. He was also wearing his wired earphones—he probably lost his airpods again.

I was deciding if I’d call his attention since I knew that I was acting weird last night. But even before I could decide, our eyes met across the distance.

He immediately changed direction, walking toward me.

“Lily,” he called when he got close. Tinanggal niya agad iyong earphones niya and nilagay sa bulsa when he was headed towards me.

“Ano’ng oras class mo?” I just asked. I didn’t want to give him the chance to discuss about what happened last night. If I could have it my way, I’d rather we pretend that that didn’t happen. After all, Rachel’s just following him… It wasn’t as if Sandro’s following her back.

But… should I ask him? Because why did he accept her request if hindi naman niya ifofollow back?

“8:30. You?”

“Same, actually. Math.”

“Agriculture lecture for me.”

We stood there for a second, and it felt… I don’t know. Slightly awkward? Which was weird because it was never awkward with Sandro. Tsk. This was my fault! Why did I have to ask about the Instagram notif? Malalaman ko rin naman pag-uwi ko. It wasn’t as if Sandro told me anything life-changing.

“Want to grab lunch later?” he asked.

I gave him a small nod. “Yeah, sure. I’m free at 12.”

“Okay. I’ll meet you sa Math building?”

I nodded. “Okay,” I said. “Or I could go sa Agri.”

He shook his head. “No, it’s fine. Mainit. I’ll come to you.”

I nodded. “Okay.”

Sandro stared at me for a second. I just stood there, waiting for him to say something. Instead, he just nodded, started to walk away, but then curiosity won me over. I quickly called his name. He quickly stopped on his tracks and walked towards me.

“Are you going to follow her back?” The question came out before I could stop it. “I mean… you accepted her follow request.” I tried to sound as casual. Kasi ’di ba it’s only logical that he follows her back?

“I accepted her request,” he said. I mean, I already knew that?

“Right, but are you going to follow her?”

Sandro looked at me, confused. “Why would I?”

“I mean, isn’t that what you’re supposed to do? Someone follows you, you follow back?”

“I don’t follow people I don’t know.”

“You barely know anyone on Instagram. You have like twenty followers.”

“Twenty-three now.”

Was he being funny? I couldn’t tell. Sandro’s humor has always been dry.

“So, why did you accept her request?”

“She’s your friend,” he said.

Kumunot ang noo ko. “What?”

“What?”

“She’s your friend,” Sandro repeated, like it was obvious.

I stared at him. “You accepted her follow request because she’s my friend?” He just nodded. “Not because you wanted to follow her back or get to know her or—”

“You’re always telling me to be friends with your friends,” Sandro said, like he was just explaining the most normal thing in the world. “So, I accepted. That’s what you wanted, right?”

Oh.

OH.

He thought I was—

“I wasn’t—” I started, then stopped. “I didn’t mean you had to accept everyone I’m friends with. I just meant—”

“What did you mean?”

Good question. What did I mean? Had this been my high school friend, I would’ve been proud of Sandro. I would’ve cracked a joke about how he’s turning into a real boy now with real friends.

“Does it bother you?” Sandro asked suddenly.

“Does what bother me?”

“That I haven’t followed her back.”

Bahagyang napaawang ang labi ko. He looked at me for a long moment, like he was trying to figure something out.

“If it bothers you, I’ll follow her back,” he said quietly.

“It doesn’t bother me,” mabilis na sagot ko.

“You sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. Why would I care if you follow Rachel on Instagram?”

“I don’t know. You brought it up,” he replied like he was genuinely confused about the conversation that we’re having. I was genuinely confused, as well.

“I was just—” I floundered. “Making conversation.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

We stood there in weird silence, and I had no idea how this conversation had gotten so uncomfortable.

“I need to go,” I finally said. “Magsstart na ’yung class ko.”

Sandro nodded.

“So… lunch at 12?”

He nodded. “I’ll come to you. Wait for me.”

I nodded and turned to walk away, feeling like something had just happened but not knowing what.

---

Math was fine. I sat with some random people, took notes, didn’t really absorb anything because my brain was still stuck on this morning. Which was bad. Nandito ako sa UPLB para mag-aral—hindi para mag-analyze sa social media behavior ng mga tao.

Rachel followed Sandro. Sandro accepted. But Sandro wasn’t going to follow her back because Sandro didn’t follow people he didn’t know.

Which was very Sandro.

But also, he said that he’d follow her if that’s what I wanted.

I mean… he could. It’s not like I was his social media admin. He could follow whoever he wants to follow. Hindi ko naman binabantayan lahat ng nakaka-usap niya dito sa UPLB.

After class, I had a break. I grabbed coffee from one of the stalls near CAS and found a bench under a tree to sit and people-watch.

My phone buzzed.

I immediately saw Rachel’s name. She was asking me if I was free. Naka-tingin lang ako sa message niya for a while. I mean… technically, I was free. And I had time to kill before kami magmeet ni Sandro. Also, didn’t I tell myself that I’d say yes to things? This was it. I needed to say yes although I kind of felt iffy.

So, I told Rachel that I was free. She told me that there was a café near the main library. Mabilis na naglakad ako doon. Sandro was right—it was scorching hot! Should I text him na sa library na lang ako sunduin? It’s so hot. I didn’t want to walk all the way papunta sa Math building ulit.

When I arrived, Rachel was already there, sitting at a corner table with two iced coffees.

“I ordered for you already,” she said with a smile, gesturing to the seat across from her. “Hope iced latte is okay?”

I gave her a small smile. “Yes, it’s fine. Thank you. How much do I owe you?” I asked.

She just waived her hand. “It’s on me,” she replied. “So,” she said, “how’s the second day treating you?”

“It’s fine,” I simply replied. I just stared at the coffee she got me. Why did she ask me to be here? It’s impossible naman na she just wanted to buy me coffee? Rachel’s circle is so big. Ang daming ibang tao na she could’ve invited.

“Okay, so I actually wanted to talk to you about something.”

Agad na napa-tingin ako sa kanya.

I knew it.

I pressed my lips together and drew a deep breath. I mean… this wasn’t the first time, I guess? There were some people here and there who used to ask me to introduce them to Sandro. But we were in high school then. And it didn’t feel… too serious? Like, sure you have a crush on Sandro. Congrats—you’re one of the many.

Was it because we’re in college now? And Rachel felt more… aggressive? That’s probably it, right? Naninibago lang ako. Because usually they’d ask me first and they’d be hesitant to even talk to Sandro. Rachel here already managed to have a small conversation with him and even found his instagram account.

“About what?” I asked even though I already knew kung ano ang pag-uusapan namin—or more like kung ano ang sasabihin niya.

Rachel bit her lip, looking almost… shy? Which was so unlike her.

“This is going to sound so high school, but—” She laughed at herself. “Okay, so. Your friend Sandro.”

I just looked at her.

“He seems really nice.”

“He is,” I said.

“I followed him on Instagram last night. Hope that’s not weird?”

“Nope.” It was weird! How did you even find his account?

“I don’t know, I just thought—since you guys are close, maybe you’d think I was being forward or something.”

“No, you’re totally fine. Sandro needs more friends here anyway,” I said with a smile on my face.

“That’s good.” Rachel took a sip of her coffee. “Can I ask you something? And be totally honest with me?”

“Sure.”

“Is he seeing anyone? May girlfriend ba siya or something? Like situationship?”

There it was.

The question I’d been expecting but hoping wouldn’t come.

“Sandro?” I tried to sound casual, normal. I mean, I already kind of knew that Rachel’s interested in him… I just wasn’t used to someone being so straightforward about it. “No, I don’t think he’s dating anyone.”

Rachel’s face did this thing—a little bit shy, a little bit hopeful. “I don’t know. He seems interesting. And obviously he’s cute.”

Obviously.

Anyone with eyes could see that.

“Do you think…” Rachel hesitated. “Would it be weird if I tried to get to know him better?”

I had a choice here.

I could say: ’Actually, yeah, that would be weird… because how did you even manage to find his account? Did you check my followers? Hanggang sa makita mo ‘yung nag-iisang weird na account? And how sure were you that it was Sandro? It was a weird username without a display photo!’

I could also say: ‘I don’t think Sandro’s interested—he did tell me that he only accepted your request because he thought I wanted him to be friends with my friends.’

Or I could tell the truth: ‘That makes me uncomfortable and I don’t know why.’

But Rachel was looking at me hopefully. Rachel, who’d welcomed me into her friend group on Day 1. Rachel, who’d made me feel like I belonged here. Rachel… who, honestly, wasn’t even doing anything wrong.

If any, this was my issue to solve.

“No, that’s not weird at all,” I said.

“Really? You don’t mind?”

‘Why would I mind?’ I thought but didn’t say.

“Nope,” I replied.

“Aw, thanks, Lils.” Rachel’s whole face lit up. “You’re the best. The only thing is…”

I stared at her.

What else did she want from me?

“I’m not really good at just going up to guys I like. I get so awkward,” she said. I just kept on stirring my drink. “I know I seem confident. But with guys I actually like? Total disaster.” She laughed. I looked at her and offered a smile. “I was actually hoping… maybe you could help?”

I took another deep breath. Most professors haven’t given assignments yet, but here was Rachel giving me homework.

“Help how?” I asked, even though part of me already knew what she was going to say.

“I don’t know, just like… include me when you guys hang out? Or tell me what he’s into so I know what to talk about? I just want to get to know him without being super obvious about it, you know?”

And there it was.

Rachel was asking me to help her get close to Sandro.

This was nothing new. I’d been here before. Maybe I was just flustered because no one’s been as forward as Rachel was.

My mind flashed to this morning. Sandro’s confused face when I asked about the Instagram thing. His voice when he said ‘I accepted because she’s your friend.’ The way he’d offered to follow her back if it would make me happy.

And then last night when he’d told me he wasn’t interested. When his voice had been firm and final about it.

But Rachel was sitting across from me, looking hopeful and a little bit vulnerable in a way I hadn’t seen from her before. Rachel, who’d made me feel welcome here. Who’d invited me to everything. Who was the reason I had a friend group at all after just two days.

“Yeah,” I heard myself say. “Yeah, of course I can help.”

I just kept on talking.

What did I just agree to?

“Really?” Rachel’s entire face lit up. “You’re sure?”

I just smiled at her dahil baka kung ano pa ang masabi ko. I felt like at this point, if she asked me to drag Sandro and set-up a date for the two of them, I would’ve agreed. After all, she went out of her way to invite me to have coffee just to ask me to help her with Sandro.

So, really, what choice did I have?

Rachel reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “Thank you. I was so nervous to ask because I didn’t want you to think I was using you or being weird about your friend—”

“No, you’re fine. Sandro needs more friends anyway.” I was repeating myself.

“Okay, so—” Rachel pulled out her phone. “What’s he into? Like, what does he like to talk about?”

I stared at her, my brain completely blank.

What did Sandro like to talk about?

Honestly? Not much. Sandro didn’t really… talk. He listened. He asked questions. He made dry jokes that took me five seconds to realize were jokes.

“He’s really into agriculture stuff,” I said, which felt safe. After all, he’s an Agri student. “Like, he actually cares about it. It’s not just because of his dad’s hacienda.”

Her face lit up once she heard about that.

Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned that.

“Oh, that’s nice,” she said as she sported that smile on her face. “What else? Does he like movies? Because his Instagram didn’t even have any post,” she continued na para bang nagsusumbong siya sa akin. I shouldn’t tell her na ako iyong gumawa ng account ni Sandro—that the purpose of that account was really for him to know what I was up to because when I was in my senior year of high school, I got too busy and wasn’t able to reply for days to Sandro. And that made him sulk. So, I made him an Instagram account so he could just watch my stories.

But I shouldn’t tell her that.

Instead, I glanced at my phone.

“Actually, I’m so sorry,” I said, standing up abruptly when I realized that I can leave. “I have—I have lunch plans at 12. I’m really sorry, I lost track of time—”

“Oh! No worries! This was great!” Rachel stood up, too. “We’ll talk more later? Maybe you can text me more about what he likes?”

I just nodded. “Sure.”

“You’re the best, Lils!”

I grabbed my coffee and practically speed-walked out of the café.

---

I made it to the Math building at 12:04. It was scorching but I’d rather melt under the sun kaysa magstay sa café. I felt like I was being interrogated there. Baka biglang maglabas si Rachel ng questionnaire and pasagutan sa akin bigla.

Sandro was already there, leaning against the wall in the shade, scrolling through his phone. He was still in his white shirt from this morning, pero medyo pawisan na siya. It was so hot today. I felt bad na pinapunta ko pa siya dito.

He looked up when I approached, slightly out of breath.

“Sorry I’m late!”

“It’s fine.” He pocketed his phone as soon as he saw me. “You okay?”

“I’m fine! Just—coffee with Rachel ran a bit long.”

Something flickered across his face. “Rachel?”

“Yeah, we grabbed coffee. She texted me during my break.”

He just nodded and didn’t ask further about my coffee with Rachel. We started walking. I didn’t even know kung saan kami kakain ng lunch. I kept sneaking glances at him, trying to read his expression. But Sandro’s face was doing that thing where it was completely neutral, which usually meant he was thinking something he didn’t want to say.

“So,” I said, trying to sound casual. “How was your morning class?”

“Fine.”

“Just fine?”

“It was interesting. But also fine.”

We kept on walking hanggang maka-labas na kami ng campus. We ended up in one of the restaurants near the UP Gate. Thank god. I felt like matutunaw na ako sa sobrang init.

“How are your classes?” I asked, because someone had to break the silence. Tahimik pa rin si Sandro. “Like actually, not just ‘fine.’”

“They’re good. A lot of reading. But interesting.”

“Made any friends yet?”

Sandro looked up from his food. “We literally just had this conversation this morning.”

“I know, but—”

“Lily.” He set down his fork. “Why do you keep asking me that?”

“I’m just curious!”

“You’re not just curious.”

“I am!”

“You asked me this yesterday. And this morning. And now again.”

He wasn’t wrong, but hearing him point it out made me defensive.

“I just want you to be happy here. To have friends. To not be alone all the time—”

“I’m not alone. I have you,” he said, staring directly into my eyes.

Bigla akong napa-tigil. I wanted to ask him what he meant with what he just said but at the same time, I didn’t want to. I mean, technically, he did have me. Kami lang dito sa UPLB. Heck, we’re each other’s emergency contact here!

So, sure, he has me.

“It’s just—” I took a breath. Paano ko ba sasabihin ’to? “You should be more open to meeting people. Making connections. Building a circle.”

“I don’t need a circle,” he said stubbornly. What? Kagaya nung nasa Seattle siya? He barely knew anyone from his graduating class! That’s just sad! When he told me that no one signed his yearbook, I felt so bad for him.

“Everyone needs a circle.”

“I have you,” he repeated, and the way he said it—steady and certain and like that was enough—made something twist in my stomach.

“Yeah, but what if—” I paused. “What if I get busy? What if I’m not always available?”

“Then I’ll wait.”

“Sandro—”

“What?”

God, why was he being so difficult about this?

“You need your own friends. Your own life here. We can’t just—” I gestured vaguely between us. “We can’t just only hang out with each other.”

“Why not?”

“Because that’s not how college works!”

“Who told you that?”

“Everyone! That’s just—it’s what you’re supposed to do. Branch out. Meet new people. Experience new things—”

“I am experiencing new things. I’m here. At UPLB. Taking classes I’m interested in. Spending time with—” He stopped himself.

“With who?”

“With you,” he finished quietly.

The way he said it made me look away first.

I focused on my food like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

“Actually,” I said, trying to sound casual, “speaking of meeting people—Rachel mentioned you this morning. I told you we met for coffee, right? So, for some reason, bigla kang napasok sa conversation.”

I watched his jaw tighten slightly.

“So?”

“She thinks you seem really nice.”

“I’m not nice,” he replied stubbornly.

“She’s really cool, you know? Super nice. Everyone seems to love her.”

“Good for her.”

“I’m just saying—”

“Lily.” His voice had that edge to it. That warning tone. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t do what you’re about to do,” he said habang diretsong naka-tingin sa mga mata ko.

I began to play around with my food. Why the heck were we talking about this? I couldn’t even enjoy my food! At this point, I’d have constipation. “I’m not doing anything. I’m just telling you that Rachel thinks you’re—”

“I know what you’re doing.”

“I’m not—”

“You’re trying to set me up with her.”

“I’m not!” I quickly denied. Why was he so quick about things like this?! Pero kapag sa ibang bagay, ang hirap niyang kausap.

“You are. You did this yesterday. You did this this morning. And you’re doing it again right now.”

I mean, he wasn’t wrong, but I couldn’t admit that! I already made a promise to Rachel!

“I’m just trying to help you make friends—”

“I don’t want to be friends with Rachel.”

“You don’t even know her!”

“I don’t need to know her. I’m not interested.”

“But why not? She’s nice and pretty and everyone likes her and—”

“Lily.” He cut me off, his voice firm. “I don’t care if everyone likes her. I don’t care if she’s nice. I’m not interested.”

“But—”

“Stop.” He looked right at me. “Please stop trying to set me up with people I don’t want to be set up with.”

The ’ please ’ made me pause. Sandro didn’t say please often. He usually just stated things. But looking at him now, he sounded serious.

“I’m not trying to set you up,” I lied.

“Yes, you are. And I’m asking you not to.”

There it was again. Clear. Direct. Final.

I should have stopped there. I should have said ’ okay, I won’t ’ and meant it.

But all I could think about was Rachel’s hopeful face.

And the promise I made to her.

Bakit ba kailangan ko pang mangako sa kanya? It wasn’t as if I could control Sandro. He could be stubborn if he wanted to.

“Fine,” I said. “I won’t bring her up anymore.”

Sandro looked at me like he didn’t quite believe me, but he nodded. Or baka ayaw niya na lang ulit pag-usapan si Rachel, so he dropped the conversation. Fine. Whatever. Hopefully, I could still enjoy my lunch.

---

My afternoon Forestry class was a complete blur. I sat there with my notebook open, pen in hand, professor talking at the front, and absorbed absolutely nothing. This needed to change. I was here to study—not play cupid for people!

But then my stupid brain was too busy replaying lunch.

I’d promised. I’d looked Sandro in the face and promised I wouldn’t try to set him up with Rachel.

And then before lunch, I’d promised Rachel I would help her get close to him.

Why the heck did I keep on promising things to people?! Somebody should put a staple on my mouth and stop me from talking!

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I saw three notifications—all from Rachel.

‘Hey! thanks again for earlier.’

‘I was thinking, maybe we could all hang out soon? You me sandro and the blockmates?’

‘That way i can get to know him better without being obvious lol’

I stared at the messages.

Wala ba siyang class? Hindi din ba siya nag-aaral kagaya ko? Was she taking Sandro 101? God, it hasn’t even been a week! If sa SCA kaya ako nag-aral, would I suffer like this, as well? Would people bother me and ask me to set them up with Laslo? Lucho? Or was this specific to Sandro and that cursed face of his?

I didn’t know what to reply. Nagpromise na ako kay Sandro na hindi ko na babanggitin si Rachel sa harapan niya. But… what if it’s a group hang? Okay lang ba ’yon? I just won’t say a thing. Bahala na si Rachel sa gusto niyang gawin.

And so what if Sandro had explicitly told me not to?

Rachel didn’t know that.

And I shouldn’t even be involved in this. 

This story is already at Chapter 9 at patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at $3 per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 4

I was in the middle of my Math lecture when my phone started buzzing.

Once. Twice. Three times.

I ignored it. Last lecture, we were informed of the ’ no cellphone ’ policy. Because of that, I made sure na naka-silent lagi iyong phone ko. However, someone in the class either ignored the reminder or nalimutan niya lang. Either way, when her phone rang—loudly at that—she was publicly called out. In the middle of a large lecture class. It was… so embarrassing. Since then, I always made sure na naka-silent iyong phone ko.

But the vibration was bothering me. Ano ba ang meron?

I carefully pulled my phone out from under the table, angling it so I could see the screen. I honestly didn’t want to be called out. Nakaka-hiya kaya!

Agad na kumunot ang noo ko nang makita ko iyong sunud-sunod na Instagram notif.

There were lots of them.

‘itsmerachel added you to a group’

‘itsmerachel: hey everyone’

“itsmerachel: so I was thinking we should all hang out this weekend’

If this were anybody else, I probably would’ve ignored it. But for some reason, my curiosity got the best of me. I needed to know kung para saan ba ’tong groupchat na ’to… Although I already had an inkling kung para san ’to.

I scrolled to see who was in the gc. Me, Rachel, Miguel, Julia, Marc, Trisha, and—

Sandro.

There was his blank profile picture. That default gray circle because he’d never bothered to upload an actual photo.

So, Rachel had followed him and he’d accepted. I was tempted to check kung mutuals na sila. But I stopped myself. I told myself this morning to stop meddling with whatever their business was.

If Rachel wanted to chase after Sandro, fine. She could do that. I just wished she wouldn’t bother me about it kasi naiipit ako. Ilang beses na sinabi sa akin ni Sandro na ayaw niya. What did she want me to do? Tie him up and deliver him to her doorstep? As if I could! Ang laki-laking tao non!

I scrolled through the messages. Ang dami. Wala ba silang class?

‘itsmerachel: maybe we could check out that new café in rg?’

‘itsmerachel: you know the one with the aesthetic interior?’

’itsmerachel: or we could just hang at campus? whatever works

‘itsmerachel: thoughts?’

‘miguel: im down’

‘julia: okie im g’

‘marc: sure’

‘trisha: yes! i’ve been wanting to try that café too’

‘itsmerachel: yaaaay! lily?’

I didn’t immediately reply. Hindi rin naman nagrereply si Sandro. I put my phone back inside my bag and listened to the lecture again—listen being an operative word because wow, they weren’t kidding when they said that Math here’s hard!

After class, I felt like my mind has turned into a mush. Good thing na iyong next class ko was in a few hours pa. I wanted to crawl back to my apartment and take a quick nap. I was delusional when I said that I’d use all my free time to socialize. Socialize how?! I was super tired and it hasn’t even been a month here!

After making sure that my alarm’s set 30 minutes before my next class, I took a nap. I fell asleep quickly because I was tired from all the overthinking I did the past few days. Once I decided not to actively involve myself in this ‘cupid’ role that I was forced to take, my life’s been significantly more relaxed.

I woke up earlier than the alarm.

“Wow…” I said to myself when I saw the notifs. Ako lang ba ang may subjects? Why did they have a lot of time to chat? While I felt like I was dying?

I saw that Rachel mentioned me.

‘lilydelph: yeah sounds good’

I replied. I saw that she quickly saw my message.

‘itsmerachel: yay! okay so just waiting on sandro now’

I looked at the “seen by” list. Everyone’s names were there except Sandro’s. Which was honestly throwing me off a bit because Sandro’s always quick to read messages—kasi konti lang naman messages niya. That guy’s an island.

Whatever.

As I said, none of my business anymore. I would just join the group hang because I wanted friends—bahala na si Rachel sa agenda niya kay Sandro. Not my problem.

I put my phone away and quickly prepared for my next class. Pagdating ko roon, Mara quickly waved at me. I waved back and sat beside her. We talked habang naghihintay na magsimula iyong class. After class, sabay kaming naglakad palabas ng lecture hall. I asked her if she wanted to grab food together, but she told me that she needs to prepare for her next class pa. I was bored so I just walked with her papunta sa next class niya.

As we were walking, bigla kong nakita si Sandro. He was walking by himself. Was he serious when he told me na okay lang sa kanya na ako lang iyong friend niya? Wala talaga siyang balak na maghanap ng ibang kaibigan dito sa UPLB?

I wanted to call his attention, but then I remembered our last conversation.

Tsk.

Was he pissed at me? I mean… honestly, I’d understand… but at the same time, I hoped he knew that I didn’t want to do that, too. I just felt like I didn’t have a choice. Dapat ba sinabi ko na lang na may girlfriend siya? Would that be easier? Would that make Rachel and all the future girls who’d ask me to introduce them to him back off?

He was about to cross the road kaya tumingin siya sa daan niya. That’s when he saw me. I stared at his face to get any clue if he’s mad at me… I mean, as far as I could remember, Sandro’s never been mad at me—yet. Sure, he’s sulked before, but hindi pa naman siya nagagalit sa akin. Baka ngayon pa lang.

“May class ka pa?” I asked nung nasa same side na kami ng road. Then I quickly remembered that I was with Mara. “Oh, Mara, this is Sandro. Sandro, Mara, my classmate.”

Sandro gave her a quick nod but he didn’t even bother to look at her properly. Tsk. Suplado talaga—not just online, even in person.

Sandro gave me a nod and then left.

“Boyfriend?” Mara asked when Sandro was out of earshot.

“What? No,” I replied.

“Oh. That felt like LQ,” Mara said.

I made a disgusted face and scrunched up my nose. We continued to walk. I thought Mara would also ask me to introduce her to Sandro, but hanggang sa makarating kami sa next class niya, she didn’t ask anything about him.

So… it was only Rachel.

And speaking of Rachel, I checked my notif and saw that she sent me a DM.

‘itsmerachel: hey is sandro okay?’

‘itsmerachel: he’s not responding to the group chat’

‘itsmerachel: does he not check instagram?’

Oh.

Was that why he was pissed at me? Kasi bigla siyang napasama sa groupchat? But it wasn’t as if I was the one who added him! I also woke up to tons of notif!

I stared at the messages, trying to figure out how to respond without being weird. Not like I could tell her that Sandro definitely was ignoring the GC kasi kaka-kita ko lang kay Sandro and he was holding his phone while he was walking. Clearly, nakita niya ’yung notif and purposely ignored all of them. Wouldn’t be surprised if he put the notif on mute.

‘lilydelph: he’s not really an instagram person’

‘itsmerachel: that sounds like him lol’

Napa-kunot ang noo ko. Sounds like him? You barely know him.

‘itsmerachel: do you think you could give me his number? So I can text him na lang?’

‘itsmerachel: but that would be weird right’

Yes.

Yes, that would be weird.

I hesitated. My fingers hovered over the keyboard.

I should definitely say that. I should say “you should message him directly” or “maybe just wait and see if he responds.”

‘lilydelph: just ask him when you see him. i don’t think he’ll like it if I give you his number. sorry’

’itsmerachel: no that’s totally fine. i understand. thanks, lils!

Like what Sandro probably did, I put the GC on mute din. I’d still see them in class, anyway. I still wanted to be friends with them but the GC was driving me insane. I didn’t even reply that much sa family gc and sa cousins gc namin. I mean, I’ll be there if we make plans but I wasn’t into chatting much. Si Sandro lang yata ang exception ko for that but that’s only because he was on the other side of the world.

Umuwi muna ako. I tried to distract myself with cleaning. After a while, I thought about going to the grocery to buy food or if I’d just eat out or magtakeout na lang ako, but then I remembered Sandro. I didn’t want him to be mad at me. It would be weird!

I stared at my phone.

I should call him. I should apologize. Kasalanan ko ba na dinagdag siya sa GC? Not really… I think. I didn’t give his IG username to Rachel. Also, he was the one who accepted her request. But still—I felt bad. Guilty, even. Parang kasalanan ko pa rin kahit technically wala naman akong ginawa.

Before I could overthink it further, I pressed his name in my contacts.

He answered on the first ring.

See? He’s always on his phone. If he’s not replying, he’s ignoring.

“What?” he asked the moment he answered the call. Tss. Sungit.

“Hey,” I said, and my voice came out smaller than I intended. “Are you… mad at me?”

Silence.

I hated his silence—this kind of silence. Reminds of me Tito Sancho. He’s not scary but… sometimes, quiet people do intimidate me.

“No.”

“You sure? Kasi earlier parang—”

“I’m not mad at you,” he said, his voice not so scary anymore.

“Okay. Good.” I paused. “Saan ka now? I want to treat you to dinner. Peace offering.”

“You don’t need to do that.”

“I want to. Please?”

Another pause. “Are you hungry?”

“Not really.”

“Can you wait thirty minutes?”

My forehead creased. “Yeah, why?” I asked. As far as I was concerned, he’s already done with his classes. May iba ba siyang plans? Did he make new friends? Who? Why didn’t he tell me? Since when did he start to become so secretive?

“I’m at the gym.”

My eyes widened.

I immediately requested for FaceTime.

“What?” he said instead of accepting my request.

“Please? I just wanna see the gym.”

“It’s a gym.”

“Not all gyms are created equally,” I replied. “Accept my request.”

He didn’t even have to be in front of me for me to know how his face looked like. He’s always given in to my demands—no matter how ridiculous they might be. That’s probably why we’re so close—because he always gives in to me. Being the eldest child in the family, it was always me who’s giving in to the whims of my younger siblings. Even with the cousins, I’m one of the eldest there. It’s only with Sandro that I felt like I could be a kid.

His face filled my screen—slightly sweaty, hair damp, wearing a black tank top that I’d definitely never seen before. He was holding the phone at an angle that showed he was on some kind of equipment.

“Wow,” I said, grinning. “Look at you, gym rat.”

His ears turned red immediately. “Lily—”

“Since when do you work out? I thought you were a perpetual nerd?”

“I—” He looked flustered, which was usual for Sandro. “I started last year.”

“Last year? And you didn’t tell me?”

“It didn’t come up.”

“Didn’t come up? Sandro, that’s like—that’s character development! That’s a whole arc! End of the nerd era, if I may say so myself,” I said, continuing to tease him until his whole face turned really red.

“Lily.” His voice had that warning tone, but I could see him fighting a smile.

“What? I’m just saying! Next thing I know you’ll tell me you have a six-pack or something—”

“I’m hanging up.”

“No, wait, I’m sorry!” I was laughing now. “I’ll stop. I promise. Continue your workout. I’ll wait.”

He gave me that look—the one that said he didn’t quite believe me but was willing to let it go.

“Okay,” he said.

I should hang up. Let him work out in peace. I shouldn’t be on FaceTime while he’s working out because that felt… like something friends shouldn’t do. Also, I have assignments waiting for me na pansinin ko. But for some reason, I didn’t want to end the call yet.

Probably because I felt guilty for being so annoying to him the past couple of days.

“So,” I said, settling back against my couch. “Next weekend. Are you free?”

“Why?”

“Kallie’s asking if we want to go to the beach.”

Kallie was persistent. And she loved the beach. And she loved ‘mandated’ family gatherings—she probably got that from Tita Katherine who likes to plan things, as well. I mean, it wasn’t as if I didn’t love those family gatherings. I love my extended family.

“Yeah, I’m free.”

“Okay, good. But you’re driving.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Why am I driving?”

“Because,” I said, making my voice extra sweet, “Ayoko mag-drive from Laguna to Manila. Traffic will kill me. Please?”

“Fine,” he quickly said.

“Really? Just like that?”

“You can always ask me to pick you up,” he said simply. “For anything.”

Something about the way he said it made my chest feel weird.

“Really?” I tried to joke. “Kahit anong oras?”

“Yes.”

“What if it’s like, 2AM?”

“It’s fine.”

“3AM?”

Sandro looked directly at the camera. “Lily, you can call me anytime. I’d rather wake up at an ungodly hour knowing you’re safe than sleep well not knowing where you are.”

Oh.

I didn’t know what to say to that. My brain had just completely short-circuited. But he’s just being nice. I’d do the same for him. I’d also rather he call me at an ungodly hour if that would mean that he’s safe. That’s just being a good friend. I’d do the same for all the people I love.

“Same,” I said. “You can also call me, but it’s not as if we have people here we can hangout with ng ganong oras. Do you think we can ever party here?” I asked.

“Do you want to party here?”

I shrugged. “I mean, I have to try once, right?”

“I thought you had enough?”

Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mata. I knew he was teasing me because back in Manila—when we were in freaking senior high!—we got in a few… trouble in clubs. But in my defense, that wasn’t me! That was more of the Yapchengco and Gomez de Liaño kids! The Borromeo kids were innocent!

When I got grounded for a week, I told Sandro that I’d never party again.

“I’m in college now. Besides, it’s just the two of us. Dare I say we’re the calmer ones. I’m sure we won’t get in trouble.”

Sandro was just smiling while he was shaking his head. We were discussing more about what we could do here in UPLB when I saw movement in the background of his screen.

Someone walking past.

Long hair. Tall. Wearing workout clothes.

Rachel.

Oh.

Did she go to the same gym? This was just a coincidence, right? She couldn’t be that creepy to follow him here? Because that would be scary.

I watched as Rachel’s figure moved around in the background. It didn’t seem like nakita niya si Sandro. So, I was just overthinking again. Also… I didn’t want to be that person. I didn’t want to look at someone and immediately jump into negative conclusion. That’s not me. I should stop this. Rachel’s not a creep. She has a crush on Sandro—like many others.

Then guilt hit me immediately. Here I was, on FaceTime with Sandro, having this easy conversation, this comfortable back-and-forth—while Rachel was probably checking her phone wondering why he wasn’t responding to the group chat.

But then Rachel turned. Saw him. And her entire face lit up.

Oh.

She started walking toward him, and I watched it happen in real-time on my screen. She waved—not at Sandro. At me. At the phone. So, she saw that I was on FaceTime with Sandro.

I started to wave back automatically, my hand halfway up, but then Rachel reached Sandro’s treadmill and stood directly in front of it. She rested her hand on the console, leaning forward slightly.

My screen went completely black. Just her hand and part of her arm blocking the camera. I could hear muffled voices. Sandro saying something. Rachel laughing. I sat there, phone in hand, staring at the black screen. I should hang up. I should definitely hang up. This was weird. This was me literally listening in on their conversation without being able to see anything.

One minute passed.

Then two.

The voices continued. I couldn’t make out words, just tones. Rachel’s was bright, animated. Sandro’s was… Sandro’s.

I waited another minute.

Then I ended the call.

My apartment suddenly felt very quiet.

“Whatever,” I said out loud to no one.

This was fine. This was good, actually. Rachel was clearly doing fine on her own. She didn’t need me to play cupid or set things up or engineer situations. She just went for it.

Good for her.

I should focus on my own life anyway. My own assignments. My own goals.

I stood up from the couch. At least this way, may time na ako to do my assignments. I grabbed my laptop and began doing my homework. I finished my assignments faster than expected—maybe because I was channeling all my restless energy into actually being productive for once.

When I was done, I sat there for a second, feeling that familiar itch to check my notifications.

No.

No, I wasn’t doing this.

I was an adult. Rachel had his Instagram. She could message him herself. She could approach him at the gym. She could do whatever she wanted. Hindi naman ako ang may-ari ng gym.

I didn’t need to be involved.

I got my wish—hindi na niya ako dinamay sa crush niya kay Sandro.

What I needed was to remember why I came to UPLB in the first place.

I’d wanted to go running around campus at night. That was one of the things I’d been looking forward to—the freedom to just go out whenever I wanted, without having to tell my parents where I was going or asking permission.

So that’s what I’d do.

I changed into running clothes, grabbed my keys, and forced myself to bring my phone—turned off—because that was the smart, safe thing to do even if it was driving me crazy not to check the notifications that were probably piling up.

Mental note: buy an iPod. Or one of those old MP3 players. Something that played music without also playing messenger to every anxiety-inducing notification in my life.

I started running.

One lap around the freedom park. Then another.

My legs burned. My lungs burned. But my brain finally, finally started to quiet down.

This was good. This was what I needed. Just me and the night air and the steady rhythm of my feet hitting pavement. No group chats. No matchmaking schemes. No guilt about promises I shouldn’t have made.

Just this.

Nang maka-balik ako sa apartment, I was exhausted in the best way. I was excited to take a shower then sleep. I felt like I’d have a good night’s rest dahil napagod na ako sa pagtakbo. I climbed the stairs to my floor, already fantasizing about a shower and maybe order some fastfood and then sleep—

I stopped.

Sandro was sitting outside my door.

Still in his gym clothes. Black tank top that showed way more arm than I was used to seeing. Since when did he have biceps like that? Had those always been there? How had I never noticed—

“Lily.”

He stood up the second he saw me, and there was something in his expression. Relief? Worry? Was he pissed? Also… why did he look so pitiful na naka-upo siya sa labas ng pintuan ko? Should I give him a spare key? He could always wait inside naman…

“Hey,” I said, suddenly very aware of how sweaty and gross I probably looked. “What are you doing here?” I asked. I knew I told him I’d buy him dinner but he suddenly got busy with his conversation with Rachel. Malay ko ba if they made other plans?

“I couldn’t call you.”

“Oh.” Right. Phone off. “I went for a run.”

“Alone?” His voice had that edge to it. That protective tone.

“I stayed on campus. Ang dami pang tao sa freedom park.”

He looked at me for a long moment, like he was deciding whether to lecture me or let it go. He let it go, but I could tell he wasn’t happy about it.

I unlocked my door. “Have you had dinner?”

“I was waiting for you.”

Those five words shouldn’t have made my chest feel warm, but they did.

“We can just order delivery,” I said, pushing the door open and gesturing for him to come in. “Ikaw na pumili.”

He followed me inside. For some reason, he was giving the ‘sad puppy’ vibe. Why? If any, I should be the one who’s pissed. We were in the middle of the conversation and then—tsk. It wasn’t his fault din naman. Again, didn’t I ask not to be included in their business? Also, didn’t we agree not to discuss Rachel? So, why was I surprised that Sandro didn’t bring her up?

“Shower muna ako,” I said.

He nodded, already pulling out his phone to look at food delivery options.

The shower was quick but necessary. I needed to wash off the sweat and the weird feeling from earlier—the FaceTime call, Rachel’s hand blocking the screen, the muffled voices.

I needed to reset.

When I came out, hair still damp and dripping slightly, Sandro was on my couch scrolling through Netflix on my TV.

“Naka-order ka na?” I asked.

He nodded. “Twenty minutes.”

I moved to sit next to him, toweling my hair dry—

But then he stood up.

I watched him walk across my small living room to where I’d left my hair dryer on the table by the window. Kinuha niya ’yon and then he walked back toward me. Naka-tingin lang ako sa susunod niyang gagawin. He plugged in the hair dryer and gestured for me to turn around.

Oh.

“You don’t have to—”

But he turned the dryer on. I felt his fingers carefully sectioning my hair, the warm air hitting my scalp. This was… weird. Not bad weird. Just weird.

We’d always been close. Comfortable. Since we were kids, there’d been this easy physical proximity—leaning on each other during long car rides papunta sa kung saang venue gusto ni Tita Katherine mag-annual reunion kami, falling asleep on each other’s shoulders during movie nights with cousins, the casual touches that came from years of friendship.

But this felt different.

Maybe because we were alone. Really alone. No parents in the next room. No cousins barging in. No family gathering happening downstairs.

Just us in my apartment at night with him drying my hair like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Or maybe it was because we weren’t kids anymore.

Sandro had changed. Gotten taller, broader. Started working out, apparently, which explained the biceps I absolutely was not thinking about.

And I’d changed too. Grown up. Moved away from home. Was trying to build this independent life.

We were different people than we’d been even a year ago.

But maybe this was good different.

Maybe we just needed to adjust to who we were now instead of who we’d been.

I grabbed the TV remote and started browsing through movies, trying to focus on anything other than how careful his hands were with my hair. How gentle he was being with me—like always.

“May gusto ka bang panoorin?” I asked, my voice coming out slightly softer than normal.

“You pick.”

Of course he’d say that.

I scrolled through options, not really seeing any of them.

The dryer hummed. His fingers worked through my hair, making sure every section was dry.

And I sat there, pretending this was completely normal.

Pretending I wasn’t hyperaware of how close he was.

Pretending I wasn’t thinking about earlier—about his voice on FaceTime saying he’d wake up at any hour just to make sure I was safe.

Pretending I wasn’t wondering what Rachel had said to him at the gym.

“This one?” I asked, landing on some action movie I’d never heard of.

“Sure.”

The dryer turned off.

My hair was dry.

He should move back to his spot on the couch now.

But he didn’t.

Not right away.

And I didn’t move either.

We just sat there in the sudden silence of my apartment, the movie starting to play on the screen in front of us, and everything feeling like it was shifting into something I couldn’t quite name.

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Chapter 5

The ‘group hang’ didn’t happen. Rachel said that it was because she suddenly had something to do, but I was certain that it was because Sandro did not reply—at all. He seriously didn’t even bother to open the group chat! For some reason, I was feeling secondhand embarrassment like I was responsible for Sandro kahit hindi naman ako iyong nag-add sa kanya sa group chat na ’yon.

Whatever.

At least that’s done.

The whole weekend, as much as I wanted to rot in my apartment, I forced myself to go out. I jogged around the campus until I realized that there was a run club here. Bigla ko ring naka-sabay sila Trisha, Miguel, and Marc. They persuaded me to join the run club, but I didn’t have to be told twice. I immediately joined! Isa pa naman sa goal ko ang sumali sa clubs dito. At least I was done with one of my goals.

So, for the whole of my Saturday, I was just trying to make friends. I posted some pictures. Saff was asking me kung bakit hindi ako nagpopost ng photo namin na magkasama ni Sandro. Bigla akong napa-isip… because she’s right. I don’t really post photos of us because we don’t really take photos together. When we’re together, we’re just… together. It’s either we’re watching a movie or ordering food or making plans that we don’t really end up doing.

We never really take photos together for some reason.

Come Sunday, I realized I hadn’t been to Sandro’s apartment yet… which was weird. He’d been to mine plenty of times—he knew where I kept my snacks, which mug I used for coffee, where I place my hair dryer, but I’d never been to his place.

‘I’m coming over,’ I texted him.

’ Okay,’ he immediately replied. ‘But I’m doing homework.’

‘That’s fine,’ I replied although I wanted to tease him that indeed, he’s a perpetual nerd.

I took a quick shower because it’s super hot outside. I wore maong jeans, loose white shirt, and my crocs. I grabbed my keys and started walking.

And walking.

And walking.

His apartment was outside campus. Like, properly outside. I had to exit through the main gate, walk along the main road, turn into a side street, and then finally reach his building.

By the time I got there, my legs were sore and I was sweating despite the morning air.

Twenty minutes. Maybe thirty.

So… this was how far Sandro walked every time he came to my place.

Every single time he showed up at my door—after class, after dinner, that night after the gym when I’d turned off my phone—he walked this far.

And I never even thought about it—kasi never naman siya nagreklamo.

Tsk. May sasakyan naman siya. If any, choice niya na lakarin ’to—same na choice ko rin lakarin ngayon when I could’ve used my car—but then again, I hadn’t realized that his place was super far!

I knocked on his door. He opened it immediately, like he’d been waiting.

“Hi,” he said. I pursed my lips to stop myself from laughing. He looked like a proper nerd. He’s wearing white shirt with the name of his high school, shorts, and he was wearing his reading glass. Medyo magulo pa iyong buhok niya like he just rolled out of bed.

“Hey, nerd,” I greeted.

Sandro glared at me and then opened the door wider para maka-pasok ako. His apartment was bigger than mine. One bedroom, small kitchen, small sala, and a study table by the window. Everything was neat—bed made, books stacked, no random clutter anywhere. Very Sandro.

“You’re studying?” I asked, even though he already told me.

He nodded. “Agri assignment.” He gestured to his desk where his laptop and several notebooks were open. “You can watch TV or whatever. I just need to finish this.”

“Do you want me to leave?” I asked. Although alam ko naman na nag-aaral siya, I felt guilty nung makita ko na mukhang marami nga siyang aaralin. I didn’t want to bother him. I could just walk around the school and entertain myself.

“No.” The answer came so fast I blinked. “It’s okay. I’ll be done in an hour or so.”

“Okay…”

He went back to his desk. I settled on his couch—also bigger than mine, but mine’s more comfortable—and pulled up Netflix on my phone since I didn’t want to bother him by turning on the TV. I put in my earphones and started a movie I’d been meaning to watch.

Every once in a while, I’d glance at him. He was focused, typing away, occasionally flipping through a textbook. His eyebrows were furrowed in that way they did when he was concentrating. It was so fun to watch him. Before kasi, I’d only see him study via FaceTime. He wouldn’t bring his assignments with him during Christmas break. He’d always finish everything in advance. He said he wanted to enjoy his Christmas vacation properly.

So, to see him being a nerd in person was like… me watching an anime live action.

About thirty minutes in, he stood up.

I followed him with my eyes—reflex, I guess—as he walked to the small ref in his kitchen area.

Oh. He’s hungry.

I went back to my movie. A few minutes later, something appeared on the coffee table in front of me. A plate with a sandwich and a glass of orange juice. I looked up. Sandro was already walking back to his desk, earphones in, back to studying. He didn’t say anything. Just made me food and put it in front of me like it was the most normal thing in the world.

I stared at the sandwich for a second. When did he even make this? I didn’t hear him in the kitchen. Was he that quiet, or was I that absorbed in my movie?

Also… why would he even do that? I was trying my best not to disturb him tapos tatayo siya para gumawa ng sandwich ko? I thought he was hungry.

Tsk. That weird nerd.

An hour later, tumayo na naman siya. My eyes followed him to the kitchen. He grabbed an apple. I thought he’d eat it while studying but he sliced the apple, put the slices on a small plate, and then brought me the sliced apples—again with no explanation whatsoever.

Then later, more juice.

Then a bag of chips.

Each time, he said nothing. Just put the food down and went back to studying.

And each time, I wanted to say something— thank you, you don’t have to, I’m not even hungry —but the words wouldn’t come out.

Was he just like this? I mean, Tita Lyana would always tell us about how Sandro’s such a sweet kid (but I felt like that was more because silang dalawa lang naman sa Seattle before so Sandro’s extra protective). Was it because of that? Kasi kaming dalawa lang dito sa UPLB so he’s protective of me as well?

Probably.

I smiled to myself. He was raised well. He was taking care of me even when he was the one busy. Even when I was just sitting here doing nothing. Even when I should be the one bringing him food since he was the one actually studying.

My phone buzzed. There was a FaceTime request from Saff.

I answered, keeping my voice low. “Hey—”

“Ate!” Saff’s face filled the screen, way too energetic for a Sunday morning. “Nandyan ka sa apartment ni Kuya Sandro?”

I blinked. “How did you—”

“I can see his back. That’s him, right?” she asked. Napa-tingin ako sa likod ko. My lips slightly parted. Wow. He wasn’t lying. He’s been working out nga—his back’s massive from this view.

“Yeah, I’m here sa apartment niya.”

“Omg, say hi to him for me!”

I glanced at Sandro. He was completely absorbed in his work, headphones in, didn’t even notice I was on a call.

“He can’t hear me. He’s studying.”

“Then go poke him! I want to say hi!”

“Saff—”

“Please? I just wanna say hi.”

I sighed. “Fine.”

I stood up, walked over to his desk, and poked his back. He jumped slightly—actually jumped, which was kind of funny—and pulled out one earphone, turning to look at me. I pursed my lips to stop myself from laughing.

“Saff wants to say hi,” I said, holding up my phone.

His expression softened immediately kahit naka-hawak pa siya sa dibdib niya. Nagulat ba talaga siya? He was super serious naman aksi. “Hey, Saff.”

“Hi, Kuya Sandro.” Saff waved at the screen. “How are you? Super busy?”

“It’s fine. How are you?”

They chatted for a bit—Saff talking a mile a minute about school, about how boring Manila was without me, about the beach trip next weekend. She was also telling Sandro about her crush in school and was asking for his input about the actions of her crush. I wanted to roll my eyes and tell her that she’s asking the wrong person because never pa naman nagka-girlfriend si Sandro. He’s a perpetual nerd for a reason.

“You’re both coming, right?” Saff asked. “Ate Kallie’s already planning everything. She said we’re leaving Friday afternoon.”

“Yeah, we’ll be there,” I said.

“Okay good. And Kuya, don’t forget—”

“Buko pie,” Sandro said. “I know.”

“Yay! Okay I’ll let you study na. Love you both! Bye!”

She hung up before either of us could respond.

“Buko pie?” I asked.

Sandro nodded. “She requested.”

“When?”

“Last week?”

“You two talk?”

Sandro nodded. My lips parted. What? They talk? As in… they have conversations? Bakit hindi ko alam? Ano’ng pinag-uusapan ng dalawa na ’yon? I had so many questions I wanted to ask but before I could even formulate them, Sandro was already walking back to his study desk. Tsk. Mamaya na nga lang.

Another hour passed. Maybe more. I lost track of time, too absorbed in my movie—also, I didn’t want to bother Sandro because it seemed like super hirap ng inaaral niya. I didn’t even want to ask because I had enough headache sa Forestry subjects ko.

“Lily.”

I looked up. Sandro was standing, closing his laptop.

“I’m done. Want to grab dinner?”

I checked the time. 6PM already. Wow. I literally spent my entire day here!

I nodded. I stood up and began stretching. I saw Sandro avert his gaze when I realized that my shirt hiked up when I was doing my stretches. I stopped myself from laughing. Why was he acting like this? It’s not as if he hadn’t seen me in a bikini kapag nasa beach trip kami.

“Where do you want to eat?”

“Kahit saan,” I replied.

We left his apartment and started walking back toward campus. The sun was setting, the air was cooler, and there were more people out now—students heading to dinner, couples walking hand in hand, groups laughing about something.

We were almost at the main gate when I heard someone call my name.

“Lily!”

I turned.

Rachel. With Trisha and Julia.

Seriously… did they bug us?

“Hey!” Rachel smiled, walking toward us. Her eyes flicked to Sandro, then back to me. “Have you guys had dinner yet?”

I looked at Sandro. His face was carefully neutral—that expression he got when he was around people he didn’t want to talk to. I knew he didn’t want to talk to Rachel—heck, even I was forbidden to talk about her in front of him.

“Actually—” I said but even before I could finish my sentence, Rachel interrupted.

“We’re having dinner. You guys want to join us? I heard the food’s super nice,” she said with that friendly tone of hers—as if we weren’t given a choice kung hindi umoo at sumama sa kanila because saying otherwise would be rude.

“O…kay,” I replied hesitantly.

She smiled. Sandro’s jaw tightened slightly, but he said nothing. We ended up at one of the restaurants near campus. The five of us squeezed into a booth—Rachel and Julia on one side, Trisha next to me, Sandro on my other side. He was quiet. Quieter than usual. I tried to catch his eye, but he was looking at the menu like it was the most interesting thing he’d ever seen.

“So,” Rachel said, setting down her menu. “We were just talking about the group project for our Forestry class. The big one, ’yung worth 40% of our grade?”

I nodded. I’d been trying not to think about it. Teamwork wasn’t my strong suit, especially when I didn’t know people well yet. Also, it stresses me out when people don’t contribute. Like, sure I could do things on my own but it annoys me when people freeload.

“We already have a plan,” Rachel continued. “Julia, Trisha, Marc, Miguel, and me. But we need one more person.” She looked at me. “Want to join?”

I hesitated. On one hand, I was trying to minimize my interactions with her. On the other hand, Rachel’s group already had a plan. They were organized. And Rachel was good at acads—like, really good (so far based on what I’d seen in the classes we have together). Being in her group meant less stress, better grade.

“Yes, please,” I said.

“Okay, cool.” Rachel smiled. “I’ll add you to the gc later. We’re already planning on dividing the work but read the plans first and tell us if you have any suggestion. We can edit naman if everyone agrees.”

I smiled. “Okay, I will. Thank you.”

After that, we ordered food. The conversation flowed easily—Trisha was funny, Julia was sweet, and Rachel was… Rachel. Confident, charming, the kind of person who made everything feel lighter. Also, Rachel being Rachel, she was trying so hard to engage Sandro in a conversation. Sandro barely said a word.

Then Rachel turned to him. “Sandro, can you buy me water?” she asked and then she smiled at him. That smile. The one that probably worked on every other guy. Why was she so fixated on him? If that were me, the first moment he ignored me, that would’ve been the clear message. Why would I force myself on someone who clearly doesn’t like me? And it wasn’t as if Sandro has been vague about it. He basically turns into a mute when Rachel’s around.

Sandro looked at me. “Need anything?” he asked. I shook my head. He stood up and walked toward the counter.

The second he was out of earshot, the energy at the table shifted. Agad na naramdaman ko na naka-tingin silang tatlo sa akin—like I was in some sort of interrogation.

“So,” Rachel said, leaning forward slightly. Her voice was still friendly, still light. But there was something underneath it. “Lily, I wanted to ask you something.” I felt Trisha and Julia’s eyes on me. “When I saw Sandro at the gym,” Rachel continued, “I asked him if he was single.” Where the heck was Sandro? “He said yes.”

Of course he did. He’s single. He’s always been single. After what happened to his parents, of course that guy wouldn’t date unless he’s head over heels in love with someone—but of course Rachel didn’t know that.

“So,” Rachel’s smile widened slightly. “I wanted to ask for a favor.” I remained silent. What’s new? “The org fair is on Friday, right?” Rachel said. “And I know you and Sandro are close. Childhood friends and all that. But if I want to make a move, I need some alone time with him.”

Trisha and Julia were watching me. Waiting. I felt cornered. Trapped.

“So could you maybe… excuse yourself?” Rachel asked. Her voice was so sweet. So reasonable. “I’m not asking you to ditch him or anything. Just give us some space. Let me talk to him without—” She gestured vaguely. “You know. Without a buffer.”

“I… don’t know,” I said because I couldn’t say no directly.

Rachel pouted. “Please? I mean, like I said, I’m not asking you to ditch him or anything. I just want a few minutes where we can talk—so he can get to know me, you know?”

I looked at her. It wasn’t as if she was asking me for a favor—how was it a favor if I couldn’t say no ?

“Sure,” I just heard myself say.

Rachel’s face lit up. “Really? Thank you so much, Lils! You’re the best!”

I just nodded. In my head, I was thinking that the more I do this, the more annoyed Sandro’s going to be. At me. At Rachel. At both of us. But it wasn’t like I could make Rachel stop. She was so persistent. So determined. Even if Sandro’s straight up ignoring her, she won’t stop. Maybe it’s better that they spend time together. Knowing Sandro, he’ll probably be the one to tell her to stop.

And then matatapos din ’to.

Sandro came back with a tray of water bottles. One for Rachel. One for everyone else, too.

Rachel’s eyes sparkled. “Thank you! You didn’t have to get one for everyone.”

“It’s fine,” Sandro said shortly, sitting back down next to me. He uncapped the bottled water and handed it to me. Napa-tingin ako kay Rachel. She saw that. It was a bit creepy that the smile on her face never faded. Maybe she’s thinking what a nice guy he was. Whatever.

We continued eating. I was thankful that the conversation shifted to the group work. I ignored the fact that Rachel kept on staring at Sandro and Sandro kept on staring at his phone (also, wouldn’t Rachel finally realize that Sandro’s always on his phone? So, she’s really being ignored when Sandro doesn’t reply to her messages?)

When we finally left the restaurant, we all walked back toward campus together. As we began to walk, nasa magkabilang gilid ko si Trisha and Julia. They were asking me about the run club. I was telling them about how fun it was and how I wanted to participate in the fun runs. I was enjoying the conversation when I realized na nasa harapan namin si Rachel and Sandro. Rachel was talking—animated, smiling, gesturing with her hands. Sandro was listening but not really engaging.

“They look good together,” Julia said suddenly.

“Rachel and Sandro,” Trisha added. “They’d be cute, right?”

I forced a smile. “Yeah.”

“This is the first time I’ve seen Rachel actually go after someone,” Julia continued, laughing a little. “Usually guys just come to her, you know? But she really likes him.”

“And she won’t stop yapping about him to everyone,” Trisha added. “Like, everyone is rooting for them—and also you since you’re the wingwoman.”

Oh.

So… that’s what everyone knows.

I heard Rachel’s voice ahead of us. “Oh, so you don’t live on campus?”

“No,” Sandro said.

“Oh! Then why are we walking here?”

There was a pause.

“I’m walking Lily home,” biglang sabi ni Sandro.

My chest did something weird.

Rachel laughed. “Aw, that’s so sweet! Must be nice having childhood friends. You’re basically like siblings, right?”

Siblings.

Right.

Sandro didn’t immediately respond. I couldn’t see his face from here, couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

“I don’t have a sibling. I’m an only child,” Sandro suddenly said.

“Oh, that’s nice. Doesn’t it get boring in the hacienda?” biglang tanong ni Rachel.

I was just walking and walking and walking hanggang sa makarating kami sa Freedom Park. I tried to tune out the conversation. I just wanted to go home but the pathway didn’t seem to end. I feared they’d walk me home. But it seemed like they didn’t want that as well. We said goodbye there.

Then it was just me and Sandro.

“You don’t have to walk me home,” I said.

“It’s fine.”

“Sandro—”

“I’m walking you home, Lily.”

He said it with that tone. The one that meant he wasn’t arguing about this.

We continued to walk in silence. I knew he wasn’t in a good mood, but did he think I planned this? I was starting to really believe that Rachel planted a bug on me. How was she always around me?

When we reached my door, I turned to him. “Thanks for today,” I said. He just nodded. “And sorry about—” I gestured vaguely. “Dinner. I didn’t know they’d be there.”

“It’s fine.”

But it wasn’t fine. I could tell it wasn’t fine. It was visible on his face.

“Are they your friends?” he asked quietly.

“What?”

“Rachel. Trisha. Julia.” He said their names carefully, like he was testing them out. “Are they your friends? Like, actual friends?”

I blinked. “I—yeah. I mean, they’re my block mates. Why?”

“Just asking.” He paused. “They’re part of your group here, right? Your block?” I nodded. “Okay.” He looked down at his sliders for a second. Then back at me. “If they’re part of your circle here, then… I’ll deal.”

My lips parted. “You don’t have to—”

“I know you want to make friends here.” He said it matter-of-factly. It felt like a double-edged sword that he knew of everything that I wanted to do… and he’s being so considerate of it even to his detriment. “So if these are your friends here, then that’s… that’s how it is.”

Oh.

He was trying. He was actively trying to be okay with Rachel—with all of them—because they were part of my UPLB life. Because pushing back would mean making things harder for me.

The guilt crashed over me like a wave.

“Sandro—”

“It’s fine, Lily.” He looked at me and smiled. “I’ll deal,” he repeated. His voice was steady, but there was something underneath it. Something tired. “I’ll try to play nice, so it’s easier for everyone.”

I wanted to tell him the truth. That I didn’t even know if they were my friends, or if I was just part of Rachel’s orbit. That I was only going along with this because apparently, everyone knows about the role that I was supposed to be playing.

And everyone’s cheering on for me.

That I was lying to everyone, including him.

But the words stuck in my throat.

“Okay,” I managed.

He nodded. Stepped back. “Good night.”

“Good night.”

He turned and walked away.

I watched him go—watched him descend the stairs, watched him disappear around the corner. Back to his apartment that was so far away. The same walk he did every time he came here. The same distance he never complained about.

Then I went inside, locked the door, and stood there in the dark of my apartment.

He was trying to be okay with Rachel because he thought she was part of my life here.

Because he cared more about not making things difficult for me than about his own comfort.

I pressed my palms against my eyes.

This was fine.

Everything was fine.

So, why did it feel like I was drowning?

My phone buzzed.

‘Home’

Just one word. No ‘good night.’ No ‘see you tomorrow.’

I stared at the message for a long time before I replied.

‘Good. See you tomorrow.’

Then I turned off my phone and sat on my couch in the dark.

But I didn’t sleep for hours.

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Chapter 6

I hated that I was actually dreading the org fair dahil sa sinabi ni Rachel na bigyan ko sila ng time ni Sandro. I mean, I could do that, but only at the risk of annoying Sandro even further. I didn’t want a repeat of our previous conversation… I realized that I didn’t like it when Sandro’s pissed at me. I actually didn’t like it when people are pissed at me—makes me really uncomfortable. Even at our house, I was more of the ‘peace-maker’ dahil masyadong maingay si Sage at Saff… and Dad, as well. And Mom’s too tired to even meddle. She’d just usually stand there and stare at them until they stop doing whatever—usually, it’s up to me kung gusto kong matapos ang ingay agad.

Also, I was well too aware that public perception plays a huge role in my parents’ work. I guess I just didn’t want to do something that would jeopardize that.

I stared at my reflection.

“Nope,” I said to myself. “I have to enjoy this. This is my first ever UPLB Org Fair,” I continued like it was some mantra.

I knew it’d be scorching hot outside, so I decided to dress comfortably. I was wearing maong shorts, loose white shirt, black sneakers, and Yankee cap na inuwi sa akin ni Sandro when he watched a baseball game before. I was also carrying my tote bag with my tumbler in it.

Rachel had texted the group chat that morning with ’ meet at freedom park 1pm? ’

Nagthumbs up lang ako sa message niya. I checked the reactions. Wala si Sandro. I didn’t dare to message him about this org fair. Alam niya rin naman ’to for sure since he’s studying in the same university.

I showed up right on time. Rachel was already there with Julia and Trisha. Rachel was wearing a light yellow sundress and her hair’s even styled. She looked really pretty, so I complimented her. I thought she’d ask me if Sandro would like how she looks, but thankfully, she just thanked me. Also, fortunately, dumating din si Miguel and Marc. We were discussing random things when suddenly—

“Sandro!” Miguel called out, waving.

Agad na napa-tingin ako sa direksyon kung saan siya naka-tingin. Sandro was walking towards us. He was wearing a plain white shirt and acid blue jeans, with hands in his pockets. I heard Rachel giggling with Julia and Trisha and gossiping about how hot Sandro looked like. I mean… sure he’s ‘hot.’ He spends time at the gym now, so his body’s noticeably toned. I guess it’s just weird for me because I’d known Sandro since we were literal kids.

Nang maka-lapit si Sandro, I was about to say something when his hand touched my cap. He didn’t even have to say something. I just smiled at him. I guess… we’re okay? Thank god! I was actually stressing out this kasi ayoko talaga na galit siya sa akin… And I didn’t even think na pupunta siya ngayon.

So, why was he here?

“Okay, everyone’s here,” Rachel said as she clapped her hands together. “Let’s go check out the booths.”

The whole field was actually filled with different booths. Ang daming tao. I knew that the student population was big, pero ngayon ko lang na-realize kung gaano talaga karami iyong UPLB students. It was like everyone’s here.

“Hi,” I said nang nasa tabi na ako ni Sandro.

Sandro looked at me and gave me a short nod.

So… was he still pissed at me? I thought we’re good… apparently not.

I wanted to talk to him some more, but I figured that this wasn’t the place. Rachel’s just always around and I didn’t want to discuss personal business around her. I guess I’ll just talk to Sandro later kapag kaming dalawa na lang. We’ll probably have dinner together. Sandro’s just here to be polite but he’ll for sure reject any dinner plans from the group. Doon ko na lang siya kakausapin.

We walked through the fair as a group, stopping at different booths. Rachel was in full social mode—talking to org presidents, asking questions, laughing at every joke. I realized how big her circle really was dahil para bang kilala niya lahat ng tao dito. I asked Marc and he told me that Rachel actually transferred to Forestry from Econ, so she’s been here for a year already and kaya marami na siyang kakilala.

Napa-tingin ako kay Sandro. He was talking to Miguel about something. They were walking ahead of us and there were a lot of people around kaya hindi ko marinig masyado iyong pinag-uusapan nila. It was about baseball, maybe? I couldn’t hear over the noise, but Miguel was gesturing animatedly and Sandro was nodding, actually engaging instead of giving his usual one-word responses.

“You should join!” Miguel said, loud enough for me to catch. “We play every Tuesday and Thursday.”

“I’ll try,” Sandro said. “I’ll check my sched first.”

Not ’ no.’

Not ‘I’ll think about it.’

Just ‘I’ll try,’ which from Sandro was practically a yes… because he was never one to be shy to say ‘no’ kapag ayaw niya.

Was this what he meant when he said that he’ll deal? I thought those were just… words.

We stopped at the Environmental Science org booth. Rachel immediately started asking about their activities, their projects, whether they did tree-planting events. The org president—some guy with a man bun—was clearly into her, but Rachel kept on ignoring the poor guy and kept on glancing at Sandro, checking if he was paying attention. He wasn’t. He was looking at the booth for the Ultimate Frisbee club. Oh, he did mention before na gusto niyang sumali don.

“You play frisbee?” biglang tanong ni Marc sa kanya.

“Used to,” Sandro replied habang naka-tingin pa rin siya sa may booth like he was genuinely interested.

“Dude, we should check out their booth. Miguel and I are also interested,” Marc said.

“Sure,” Sandro replied.

I stood there watching Sandro walk away with Marc and Miguel like they’d been friends for years, and I felt this weird twist in my chest. This was good, right? This was what I wanted. Sandro making friends, being social, integrating into the group.

Perhaps I was just not used to Sandro just… walking away without even looking at me. Baka nasanay lang ako na tuwing may gagawin siya sa UPLB, he’d look at me like he’d ask for permission first bago siya may gawin. Like I was always a part of the consideration.

But this was good—this was what I wanted for the both of us.

“Lily.” Julia grabbed my arm. “Come on, let’s check out the run club.”

Gusto ko sanang sundan sila Sandro but I was quickly dragged away by Julia and Trisha habang nakita ko na sumusunod si Rachel kina Sandro papunta doon sa may frisbee club.

An hour later, we’d circled through half the fair. It was still so hot. Naubos ko na iyong tubig na laman ng tumbler ko. I wanted to crawl back to my apartment and blast the air conditioner. However, it seemed like they weren’t done yet. Rachel had signed up for three different orgs (including the frisbee club). Trisha and Julia were debating whether to join the theater group (and dragging me along kahit sinabi ko na sa kanila na hindi ako interesado). And Sandro was still with Miguel and Marc, looking more relaxed than I’d seen him in weeks. They were actually conversing. They were talking about Seattle and it seemed like both Miguel and Marc had family there, so there was a common ground for the three of them.

I guess it was nice to see Sandro having friends here aside from me.

“Okay,” Rachel said. Honestly, I’d give it to her. Sobrang dami niyang naka-usap, pero parang hindi pa nauubos iyong energy niya. I, on the other hand, felt like I was dying already. “I need water. Anyone else?”

“Yeah, I’m dying,” Trisha said.

“Yes, please,” Julia pointed.

“Lily, come with?” Rachel asked.

I nodded. I was actually not that thirsty, and I wanted to stay since I still hadn’t been able to talk to Sandro the entire day. But I felt like it was rude to say no kaya sumama na lang din ako sa kanila. Bibili lang naman ng tubig.

As we walked toward the convenience store, Rachel stopped suddenly and turned to me.

“So, I was thinking…” she said, voice lower now. “About what we talked about before.”

I blinked. Tumingin ako sa kanya na bahagyang naka-kunot ang noo.

“Remember? You said you’d give us space.” She smiled, but there was something underneath it. Something expectant. “For me to talk to Sandro. Alone.”

Oh.

Right.

The favor she’d asked for. The one I’d agreed to without really thinking it through. Because… how could I even say no when they weren’t giving me the option to? When everybody here practically knew that I was playing ‘wingwoman?’

“Now?” I asked.

She nodded. “I mean, he seems like he’s in a good mood. It’s the perfect time.” She looked at me with those big hopeful eyes. “Just for like, fifteen minutes? I just want to see if we can actually have a conversation without the whole group around.”

My throat felt tight. “Rachel, I don’t know if—”

“Please?” She squeezed my arm. “You said you’d help.”

I looked back to where the guys were standing. Sandro was holding a frisbee now, tossing it from hand to hand while Miguel demonstrated something. He was actually laughing and having fun. I stood there, as if in daze.

“Lils?” Rachel asked once again.

I blinked. “Oh.” I paused. “Right. Okay,” I continued.

Rachel’s face lit up. “Thank you! You’re the best!”

She started walking back toward the group, and I just stood there for a second, feeling sick.

This was fine.

Sandro didn’t like Rachel like that, so it didn’t even matter.

---

I didn’t go back to the group. I didn’t even buy the water. Instead, I drifted toward the edge of the fair, pretending to look at booths I had no interest in. The photography club. The debate team. The hiking club.

I checked my phone. Five minutes had passed. Still no message from Sandro asking where I was. Did he even notice na hindi ako bumalik kasama nila Rachel? Or was he having too much fun with that frisbee?

I looked back toward where I’d left everyone. Rachel was talking to Sandro now. I couldn’t see his face from where I was standing, but I could see hers—animated, smiling, leaning in slightly. The other people were nowhere to be found.

Of course, everyone’s complicit—as if everyone’s working hard to bring these two together… kaya ano ba naman ang magagawa ko?

I moved to a different location and I could see Sandro standing there, listening to whatever Rachel was telling. I stared at his face. He was actually listening and responding to whatever she was saying. Rachel would sometimes touch his arm, and he didn’t flinch—he used to flinch when she’d accidentally touch him.

I stood there, just watching, and thinking about what I should do next. I should go back. Rachel said fifteen minutes. That was the agreement. But I didn’t move. I couldn’t move. What if they were still enjoying talking? What if it was going well? What if I walked back and interrupted something?

What if this was actually working?

And then my phone finally buzzed.

‘Where are you?’

I stared at the message for a long moment. It took him what? Fifteen minutes to finally notice that I was missing? What finally made him notice? I took a deep breath and started to walk towards the direction of my apartment.

I typed as I walked: ‘Got tired. Heading home.’

I tossed my phone inside my tote bag. I was wearing my airpods as I walked home. I just needed to brave a few more hours. Maybe I’d drive myself papunta sa beach. Or I could just message Sandro later na mauuna na ako. He seemed busy with them anyway. Also, I could use the quiet during the drive. This week felt like a lot.

I was quietly enjoying my quiet walk when my heart almost jumped from out of my chest because someone suddenly grabbed my arm. I felt like I was about to have a heart attack when I turned and saw that it was Sandro.

“I was calling you,” he said as he was still holding my arm. Ang bilis pa rin ng tibok ng puso ko. “Sorry. Nagulat ba kita?” he asked, worried, as my hand was clutching my chest. Sandro looked really worried, beads of sweat on his forehead like he’d been running to catch up to me.

“No, I’m fine,” I said kahit na ramdam ko pa rin ’yung bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. “Bakit mo ’ko tinatawag?”

“Why did you leave?” he suddenly asked. His tone was once again serious.

“I told you sa text. I got tired.”

“You left me there,” he said like it was an accusation.

For some reason, I felt pissed. I left him there? He seemed like he was having a great time. It took him 15 minutes to even realize na wala ako. “Everyone was busy. I didn’t want to interrupt,” I said instead.

“Interrupt what?”

I just shrugged. Sandro studied my face, and I had to look away first.

“Are you mad?” he asked quietly.

“No. Why would I be mad?” I replied. I hated that even in my own ears, I could hear how defensive I sounded. I wasn’t being defensive. If any, I was being a good friend to him. He’s making friends and I was giving him room to make friends. Tita Lyana would be pleased to hear about this. She’d always tell me how worried she was because Sandro didn’t have any close friends in Seattle—that he’s more attached to his laptop and phone than any actual person there.

“I don’t know. You tell me,” he said as he stared directly into my eyes like he was trying to have a peek through the windows of my soul.

I forced a smile. “I’m not mad. I’m just tired. Kanina pa tayo naglalakad and it’s super hot.”

He didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t push. Instead, he said, “Okay.”

Silence stretched between us. A group of students walked past, laughing about something. We were just walking quietly. It was still so hot. I quickly removed my cap to wipe the sweat on my forehead. I was complaining inside my head when Sandro reached for his backpack and opened it. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. He suddenly pulled out an umbrella.

“T-thanks,” I said, a bit flustered, when he held the umbrella over us.

He’s always been like this, huh? He’d notice even the smallest things and he’d do something about it—without even expecting so much so as a thanks. Honestly… whoever will end up with him will be so lucky. If he can treat me, a friend, this well, imagine how much better he’d treat the woman he loves?

Perhaps if Rachel could really climb through his walls, all the effort she’s making will be worth it.

“Did you—” I hesitated. “Did you have fun? At the fair?” I asked because for some reason, the silence was suffocating me.

Sandro tilted his head slightly, like he was trying to figure out why I was asking. Then his expression softened just a bit. “Surprisingly, yeah.”

He had fun, but for some reason, that made me a bit sad. So… he could have fun kahit wala ako.

“That’s good,” I just said.

“Miguel and Marc invited me to join this frisbee club,” he continued. “We’re checking it out next week. See if we actually like it before committing.”

“That’s great,” I said. “You should join.”

“Maybe.” He paused. “You want to come? When we check it out?”

“Me? I don’t play frisbee.”

“Neither do I. Not in years, anyway.”

“Then why—”

“Miguel said it’s fun. Marc seems into it. Thought I’d try.”

He was making friends. Real friends. Without my help. Without me pushing him toward anyone or setting up situations or engineering conversations. He was doing exactly what I’d wanted him to do. I should be happy.

“Yeah,” I said. “Maybe. Let me know when.”

Sandro nodded. We kept on quietly walking for another second, and I felt like there was something else he wanted to say. He said nothing. Tahimik lang kaming naglakad hanggang sa makarating kami sa harap ng apartment ko.

“Sandro,” I called.

He looked at me. “Hmm?”

I stared at him for a while. Why was I feeling like this? I shouldn’t feel like this. Just because he’s friends with other people didn’t mean I’d lose him as my friend.

I smiled as I shook my head. “Nothing,” I just said. “I’ll take a nap and then message me kapag aalis na tayo,” I told him.

He nodded. “Got it,” he said. “Also…” He paused. He looked at me like he was trying to find the courage to say kung anuman iyong susunod niya na sasabihin. “Next time, just tell me if you want to leave. Don’t just disappear.”

Something about the way he said it made my throat tight.

“Okay,” I managed to say with a tight smile.

---

The whole weekend was fun. We were around other people and I actually forgot about the chaos that was my UPLB college life. I was busy listening to my their college experience and when they asked us about UPLB, nagka-tinginan lang kami ni Sandro. No one mentioned anything about Rachel. We just both shrugged and acted like nothing worthwhile was was worth mentioning.

Once again, I was reminded na kahit maraming tao sa paligid namin, Sandro’s still going to be my closest friend and nothing will change that… so I should stop being so scared and worried.

“Thank you,” I said when Sandro dropped me off in front of my apartment. After the beach trip, bumalik na sila Kallie sa Manila habang dumiretso kami ni Sandro pabalik sa Laguna.

He gave me a small nod. “See you tomorrow?”

I nodded. “Okay,” I replied. “Drive safely. Message me pag naka-uwi ka na.”

I waved at him as I headed upstairs. He only drove away when I was already inside the apartment. I was tired from the whole weekend (actually the whole week) that I just took a quick shower and decided to sleep after I got the text from Sandro. I needed plenty of rest since tomorrow will be the start of a whole new week to conquer yet again.

And I was right.

Somehow, it felt like the first two weeks were just… trial period. And now, trial period’s over. The assignments started to pile up—it felt like they were coming from all directions and I was drowning! I couldn’t even meet with Sandro even for a quick dinner dahil marami akong ginagawa.

I felt like I was going crazy because I was actually crying while doing one of my exers when my phone began to vibrate. I quickly check the notif and saw Sandro’s name.

‘Free on friday?’

‘Depends. Why?’

‘They’re asking in the instagram gc if you want to join the frisbee.’

Napa-kunot ang noo ko. So… he’s active na sa IG group chat?

Huh.

I put down my pen and actually went to check the GC that I muted before. I saw tons of unread messages. Honestly, I was beginning to think that I was so bad at time management because how were these people so social when I felt like I was dying sa dami ng ginagawa ko?

I tried to back read. Sandro was replying. He was actually replying and making plans.

‘Can’t. Super busy with acads,’ I replied to Sandro’s text.

‘It’s still this Friday,’ Sandro replied.

‘I know. Super dami talaga ginagawa.’

It wasn’t technically a lie. I did have assignments. Madami talaga akong ginagawa.

‘Okay. I’ll tell them.’

I briefly closed my eyes and drew a deep breath. Whatever. Madami naman talaga akong gagawin. I went back to doing my tasks. At one point, I felt like I genuinely have lost my mind because I was sobbing while answering the math problems that I didn’t even once feel the urge to check my phone.

“Oh, wow…” I said when I realized that it was already 1AM. Hindi pa pala ako nakakapagdinner. I quickly opened my phone and sent a quick text to my parents explaining kung bakit ngayon lang ako nagtext. I opened my instagram. I immediately saw that there’s a new story from Rachel.

Rachel posted a video of Miguel throwing a frisbee—Miguel was throwing the frisbee, Marc trying to catch it, and Sandro in the background, arms crossed but smiling. I could hear Trisha and Julia in the background saying, ‘Oh, they’re so bad at this’ while laughing.

I watched the video thrice.

They did invite me.

I was the one who turned the invite down because I was busy.

Whatever. I was tired. It’s been a long fucking day. 

This story is already at Chapter 12 at patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at $3 per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 7

Kakatapos ko lang sa isang assignment ko. I felt so exhausted. I genuinely felt like a decaying plant. I just wanted to go home to my family and be a stay-at-home daughter. And I was supposed to do this for the next four years? Wow! So excited! Can’t wait!

I had more to do. I decided to take a rest first kasi if hindi, I’d probably end up sobbing again while doing my assignments. It was half-embarrassing, half-humiliating that sometimes, may tear stains ’yung mga exercise sheets ko. The lab assistant looked unbothered by it, though, so baka sanay na sila.

I was lying in bed scrolling through Instagram when I saw it. Sandro had posted a story. Napa-kunot ang noo ko. That alone was weird—Sandro never posted stories. His Instagram was basically a ghost account that existed solely so he could watch my stories and occasionally like my posts.

But there it was—a repost of Miguel’s story. It looked like it was a repost from a dinner. That I knew nothing about. And Sandro had reposted the story. This… was his first ever repost. He wouldn’t even repost dati kapag tina-tag siya nila Laslo. Wow. I guess he’s really ‘dealing’ with it, huh?

I stared at the repost.

Then I went to his profile.

Following: 27

My lips parted as I scrolled through the list. Miguel. Marc. Rachel. Julia. Trisha. He was following all of them now. When had that happened? It had only been a week. I only missed one afternoon when they played frisbee and suddenly, they’re all best friends? Or did they have other plans I knew nothing of?

I checked his posts. Still nothing except that one repost. But in his tagged photos—there he was. Trisha had tagged him in a photo from what seemed like last night’s dinner. They were at some burger place. Sandro was mid-laugh at something, looking more relaxed than I’d seen him in… I didn’t even know how long.

I closed Instagram and stared at my ceiling.

He was following them. Reposting their stories. Being tagged in their photos.

He wasn’t just friendly with them anymore. He was actually part of the group.

And I was… what?

The person who used to be close to him?

The friend who introduced him but was now being slowly edited out?

My phone buzzed.

I saw Sandro messaging me if I were free to have dinner. I stared at his message until I received another message from Mara.

‘Dinner? I need to rant about my lab partner’

‘Yes please’ I quickly typed back.

---

I didn’t know how Mara managed to convince me to go here. It was… a bit scary. Nandon kami sa likuran ng main library. It was so dark except for some post lights! We bought food from a fastfood tapos ay naglakad kami papunta dito. I was hesitant at first, but Mara told me that it was a nice spot to hangout. I agree naman… but sa gabi? It could be scary!

“Okay, so my lab partner—” she said. I was fiddling with my phone. I saw a new story posted by Rachel. I stared at it, unable to click on it. Because what could it be this time? A beach trip they planned? Hiking? What?

“Can I rant first?” I blurted out. “Sorry,” I said. I knew we met because she wanted to rant about her lab partner.

Mara paused, then placed by her burger inside the paper bag. “Of course. What’s up?”

I pulled my knees up to my chest. “Do you follow Sandro on Instagram?”

“Uh… no? Should I?”

“He started following everyone. The entire friend group—the one I introduced him to. And reposting their stories.”

“Okay…” she said like she was waiting for me to provide some more context.

“He never posts. Like, ever. His Instagram is basically dead. But suddenly he’s reposting Miguel’s stories and being tagged in their photos and—”

I stopped. Took a breath. I felt like I just ran a marathon with how quickly my heart was beating.

“And I feel like I’m being replaced,” I finished quietly. I felt like I was slowly dying with each word that was escaping my mouth. I didn’t even want to say them… but I also felt like I would lose my mind if I said this to no one.

Mara was quiet for a moment. She’s probably thinking I was so insecure. And she’s probably right. I didn’t even know why I was acting like this. It wasn’t as if they were purposely excluding me. I was still a part of the group chat. They probably made plans there. I was the one who muted the group chat. And Sandro’s still always asking me to meet him for dinner. I was the one who’s always busy.

“When did this start?” Mara asked after a while.

“The past few weeks. Since the org fair, maybe? He started being friendly with everyone, and at first I thought it was… I don’t know, him trying to fit in. But now it’s like he actually has. And I haven’t.”

“What do you mean you haven’t?”

So I told her everything I’d been noticing. The group hangouts where conversations had happened without me. The inside jokes I didn’t understand. The plans being made that I wasn’t part of. The way they’d ask me to come but it felt like an afterthought, like they were being polite rather than actually wanting me there.

“And the worst part,” I said, hating how my voice shook slightly, “is that Sandro just started to be nice to them because of me… and now, it feels like he genuinely enjoys being with them. And I hate that I hate it. I feel so horrible.”

The silence between us stretched. I hugged my knees tighter. I wouldn’t take it against Mara if she’d tell me I was an insecure bitch. I felt that way, too. I probably needed to hear that, too. Mara opened the paper bag and started eating. I just quietly waited.

“Lily,” she said finally. “Can I ask you something that might sound harsh?”

“Sure.”

“Do you actually want to be part of that friend group?”

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. “What?”

“Like, genuinely. When you’re with them, are you happy? Or do you just feel pressured kasi sila ’yung unang group of friend na nakilala mo dito sa LB?”

“I—” I stopped. “What do you mean pressured?”

“I mean… do you honestly want to be their friend? Because from what I’m hearing, you don’t even really like them.”

The question hit harder than I expected.

Because the truth was… I didn’t know anymore.

When was the last time I’d felt completely comfortable with them? When was the last time I’d said something without second-guessing whether it was the right thing to say, whether it would make them like me more or less, whether it fit the role I was supposed to be playing? Or when was the last time I didn’t think they invited me only because they were also expecting that I’d bring Sandro with me?

“I don’t know,” I admitted.

“Okay. Different question. Why do you care so much close na sa kanila si Sandro?”

“Because then I’ll have no friend here.”

“You have me,” she said. “And Sandro. Duh.” I remained silent. I knew that. I already knew that, but it didn’t mean that I felt that. “And honestly? So, what, if friends na rin sila ni Sandro? Ang dami-daming tao dito sa UPLB. Besides, if your entire social life is built on one person’s approval—Rachel’s apparently—that’s not a friend group. That’s a house of cards.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Rachel introduced you to everyone, right?”

I nodded.

“So, if Rachel decides she doesn’t like you anymore, what happens to the rest of them?”

My stomach twisted. “They’d probably side with her.”

“Exactly. So you’re not really friends with them. Or do you think you’re really friends with them?”

Hindi ako naka-sagot agad. “But losing them would still suck,” I said quietly.

“Yeah. It would for a people-pleaser like you.” Napaawang ang labi ko. Wow. That was harsh. “But Lily, you’re miserable right now. You said it yourself that you feel like you’re disappearing. You’re stalking Instagram posts and analyzing who’s tagging who and spiraling about whether people actually want you around. That’s not friendship. That’s anxiety.”

I drew another deep breath. “So, what am I supposed to do?”

“Tell the truth.”

“Kay Sandro?”

She nodded. “Why? Takot ka?” Hindi ako naka-sagot. “You’ve been friends since forever,” she said, laughing a bit. “Bakit ka natatakot? He probably knew all sides of you—trust me, he’ll understand that spiral inside your head.”

I laughed. And then sighed. “It’s complicated.”

“Complicated how?”

“Because… I was the one who introduced him to the group and he was only playing nice because of me, so it would be so unfair of me to tell him na ’di ako comfortable when he only did that for my sake—at least initially,” I began to ramble. “And… I made promises. To Rachel. And to Sandro. And they contradict each other. And now I’m stuck between them.”

“What kind of promises?”

I told her about what happened. I tried to be as straightforward as possible sa kung ano iyong mga sinabi sa akin ni Rachel. I just wanted to hear what she has to say because I felt like drowning together with the voices inside my head.

Mara’s eyebrows shot up. “And Sandro?”

“He told me he’s not interested. Asked me to stop trying to set them up.”

“And you’re still doing it anyway.”

“I’m not.”

“Well, you’re basically ghosting the group and you left Sandro there.”

“I was busy.”

“Well, you’re here with me?”

“Because you texted—” She raised her eyebrow. I sighed. “I—” My throat felt tight. “I… don’t know. I knew I already said no. I kept on saying no. But… sometimes, I felt like she feels like I owe her something. And I can’t say no.”

“You don’t owe her your best friend.”

“But you said it yourself, it’s like a house of card… And if I said no, what then?”

Mara rolled her eyes. “You know what? Fuck Rachel. Honestly, if you only need friends, I’ll introduce you to people myself.” Napa-tingin si Mara sa phone niya nang magvibrate iyon. “Fuck,” she cursed.

“What? Why? Ano’ng nangyari?” I asked, a bit worried.

“My freaking lab partner!” she said and began uttering series of expletives. Biglang tumayo si Mara. “You want to meet new people, right? Let’s begin with my lab partner.”

“Your lab partner?” I asked, a bit confused. “You said earlier na magrarant ka about her… or him?”

“It’s a him, and he’s infuriating!” she said. “He said he’d send the exercise sheet hours ago and ngayon pa lang siya natapos!”

We began walking—well, I was walking and Mara was marching like she was headed to a war… Kung sinuman ang lab partner niya, he better be prepared. Mara looked scary.

We went to a coffee shop outside the campus. Agad na pumasok si Mara sa loob. I stood outside awkwardly, holding my food, wondering if I should follow or just wait outside since mukhang mag-a-away sila ng lab partner niya…

Five minutes later, the door opened again. Lumabas si Mara.

“Nasan na ba ’yun—”

She stopped talking when a guy appeared in front of us. I couldn’t see his face clearly since he was wearing a light gray hoodie and the hood was covering his head. He was also wearing a black framed glasses. And just by looking at him, he looked tired—like genuinely exhausted—and was holding a folder.

“Oh, my god ka,” Mara immediately said to the guy.

“Sorry,” the guy immediately replied. “I told you, my laptop died and I had to redo everything.”

“I told you to do back-ups.”

“I know. I’m sorry,” he said. He, then, removed his hoodie and ran his fingers through his hair and… wow, he’s cute. He even had dimples. “Look, it won’t happen again. Plus, natapos ko naman, right? I also double-checked everything. I’m 98% sure na tama lahat ng naka-lagay d’yan.” He handed her the folder. “I’m sorry, okay? Here’s the sheet. Everything’s there. I double-checked.”

Mara snatched it and flipped through the pages, her brows still deeply furrowed. “Fine. Okay.”

“See? I’m not a total disaster,” the guy said with a small grin.

“You’re still mostly a disaster.”

“I’ll take mostly,” he said and then napa-tingin siya sa akin. His lips slightly parted. He was about to say something when Mara’s phone buzzed. She looked at it and her expression shifted.

“Shit. I have to go.”

“What? Why?” I asked.

“Family emergency. My tita just texted—ah, basta. I need to go.” She was already walking backward. “Lily, I’m so sorry. I’ll text you later, okay?”

“Oh, okay,” I said as I watched her walk back and then began running. Bigla akong napa-tingin sa lalaki sa harapan ko na natawa.

“Wow, she didn’t even say goodbye to me,” he said as he shook his head in disbelief. Tumingin siya sa akin. “Well, this is awkward. She didn’t even introduce us,” he said. He smiled at me and offered me his hand. “Ethan,” he said. “You?”

I accepted his hand. “Lily,” I replied, shaking his hand. His grip was firm but brief.

“Nice to meet you, Lily.” He looked in the direction where Mara had disappeared, then back at me. “So… that wasn’t probably the best first impression.”

I nodded. “No. It really wasn’t.”

He laughed—a surprised, genuine sound. “Wow. Not even going to sugarcoat it.”

“Should I have?” I asked, cocking my head to the side.

“Most people would’ve at least said ’ oh no, it was fine ’ or something polite like that.”

“It wasn’t fine. She looked like she wanted to kill you.”

“She did, didn’t she?” He ran his hand through his hair again. “In my defense, someone accidentally poured coffee all over my laptop this afternoon. Like, an entire cup. Just—” He made a splash motion. “—dead. Completely fried.”

Nanlaki iyong mga mata ko. “Oh, no.”

He nodded dramatically. “I know. So, I had to go all the way to SM Laguna to buy a new one. Spent two hours there. Then I had to redo the entire exercise sheet from memory because I’m an idiot who doesn’t do backups.”

“Yes. An idiot,” I said.

Tumawa siya. “Wow… birds of the same feather talaga kayo ni Mara,” he said. Natawa din ako. “Anyway, she’s right. I really should start listening to her.” He adjusted his glasses. “But hey, I finished it, right? I even double-checked everything.”

“And she didn’t even appreciate your effort,” I said very sarcastically.

“Right? No ‘t hank you, Ethan .’ No ’ wow, pumunta ka pa talaga sa SM Laguna, that must have been exhausting .’ Just—” He mimicked Mara’s angry face. “ ’Nasan na ‘yung exercise sheet?!’ “

I pursed my lips to stop myself from laughing because he was so spot on. “To be fair, you are mostly a disaster.”

“You don’t even know me!” he said, feigning shock and offense.

“You just told me you don’t do backups even though your lab partner tells you to.”

“Okay, valid point.” He sat down at one of the outdoor tables of the café and gestured for me to do the same. “But in my defense… well, no defense. I am completely overwhelmed sa dami ng ginagawa.”

I sat down across from him, placing my paper bag on the table. “Oh, same. I understand.”

“What’s your degree?” he asked. I was about to answer when his stomach growled—loudly. He pressed a hand to it, looking embarrassed. “And apparently my stomach has opinions about this conversation.”

Natawa ako. “Hindi ka ba kumain during your quest to buy a new laptop?”

“No,” he said. “Have you seen Mara? Do you think I’d be in the mood to eat?”

Natawa ako. “Oh… so, that’s why you asked to meet here sa café?”

He nodded. “Yes. I’ll have my dinner after ko ibigay ’yung exercise sheets. Also, public space—so I’ll have witnesses in case she decides to kill me.”

Wow, he’s so dramatic.

I looked at the paper bag in front of me. The burger I’d bought but hadn’t touched kasi busy ako sa pagrarant ko kay Mara. Gosh… I couldn’t believe I managed to say all that… Akala ko hanggang sa isip ko lang lahat ’yon. I felt a bit embarrassed but at the same time, relieved. At least I got to hear outside perspectives. Because at times, I felt like my own thoughts were sabotaging me.

“Here,” I said, pushing it toward him. “I haven’t eaten this yet.”

He stared at the bag, then at me. “What? No. That’s your dinner.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“No, thanks, I’ll just buy.”

“No, it’s fine,” I said. “Besides, wala na ako sa mood kumain.”

Bahagyang napa-kunot iyong noo niya. “Thanks,” he said.

I gave him a small smile. Ethan excused himself and stood up and got inside the café. I sat there waiting for him. It would be weird if aalis na ako while he’s still eating, right? Besides, he seemed nice. And wasn’t I looking for friends? He’s exactly what I was looking for.

My phone buzzed on the table. There was a text from Sandro.

‘Where are you?’

I stared at his message. I knew I should reply. Sandro’s not my enemy. But also, I didn’t want to tell him I was outside because he might ask to have dinner with me. But I also didn’t want to lie and tell him na nasa apartment ako kahit wala naman ako doon.

So, I decided to reply to him later.

I stayed as Ethan ate. Apparently, he ordered food for me, too. He got me a decaf iced coffee and a slice of cake. I told him I wasn’t hungry and he said I could just have it to go and eat tomorrow. I said thanks.

“Nice to meet you,” I said when he was done eating. “Uwi na ako.”

“Where do you live?” He paused like he processed what he just said. “I mean, gabi na. Just to be safe. Also, I’m Mara’s blockmate. You can tell her that you’re with me—” he said like he’s over-explaining. Natawa ako. “Wow,” he said as he slowly shook his head.

“Sorry,” I said, pursing my lips. “You’re so dramatic.”

“Well, life’s too short to be nonchalant,” he replied. “So, can I drive you home? Naka-park malapit dito ’yung sasakyan ko.”

I looked at Ethan.

He seemed safe and harmless like a puppy plus… I was tired.

“Sure,” I said.

“Great,” he replied. “Just wait here. Kunin ko lang ’yung car.”

While waiting for Ethan to come back, naka-tingin lang ako sa notif ng text ni Sandro. Normally, he’d still invite me to dinner kahit madalas na sabihin ko na busy ako. Did he go to dinner already? May kasama ba siyang iba? Or maybe he’s in the gym. Marami naman siyang pwedeng gawin.

I was busy wallowing once again in my thoughts when I heard someone calling my name. Napa-tingin ako sa pinanggalingan nun. I saw a car parked in front of the café. The window was rolled down and I saw Ethan calling for me.

When I was sitting on the passenger seat, napa-tingin ako sa rearview mirror. I laughed when I saw the box of what seemed like a newly opened macbook on the backseat.

“Wow, you really weren’t lying.”

“What? All this time you thought I was lying?” he dramatically asked again.

“Yup.”

“And you just let me lie?”

I nodded. “Was wondering how far the lie can go.”

He laughed—one of those silent laughs where his shoulders shook and his head tipped back slightly, his whole face lighting up. When he finally caught his breath, he was still grinning, dimples on full display. “Wow,” he said, shaking his head. “You really just sat there and watched me dig my own grave.”

The drive was quick. In just a few minutes, nasa harapan na kami ng apartment ko. I quickly unbuckled my seatbelt.

“Thanks for the ride home,” I said.

“No problem,” he replied. “See you around, Lily.”

“See you, Ethan.”

I got out of his car and then headed inside and climbed the stairs to my apartment. As soon as I unlocked the door and stepped inside, my phone rang. Napa-tingin ako at nakita ko iyong pangalan ni Sandro sa caller ID. I sighed, placing my bag on the table, and answered.

“Hello?”

“Lily.” His voice was tight. “Where are you?”

“Apartment,” simpleng sagot ko.

“You didn’t answer my texts earlier.”

“I know. Sorry. I was with Mara.” I sat down on the couch.

Silence.

Why did he even call kung wala siyang sasabihin?

“Did something happen today?” he asked quietly.

“Wala naman. Just the usual—my assignments,” I replied. “Why?”

“Nothing,” he said. “Are you free this weekend?” he asked.

“Bakit?”

“Frisbee? You mentioned before that you want to learn, right?”

I paused. Frisbee? Ibig sabihin kasama sila?

“I’ll check my sched muna kasi baka biglang dumami ’yung assignments ko,” I told him.

And then there was a pause again. May gusto pa ba siyang sabihin sa akin? Once again, I waited for a few seconds. But he said nothing.

I yawned before saying, “I’m sleepy. Good night, Sandro.”

I couldn’t end the call until I heard him say, “Good night, Lily.”

I sent a message to my parents saying that I was already home then I took a quick shower. As I was preparing for bed, I received a follow request from ethanfigueroa. I accepted his request and followed him back. Did he ask Mara para sa IG account ko? I’ll ask Mara pag nagkita kami sa PI 10.

And as I was about to turn my phone off, I received another notification— sandro liked your post. I checked what post he liked—it was a post I posted a month ago. Weird. But then I stopped when I noticed something. I checked his profile. He’d changed it—username: sandro . His account was no longer private either. After months of being a ghost, he was suddenly making himself visible. I turned off my phone. Stared at my ceiling in the dark.

What was he doing?

---

This story is already at Chapter 13 at patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at $3 per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 8

My conversation with Mara really did help me. I realized that she’s right—I wasn’t even really friends with Rachel… because I knew how friends should be. Kasi kahit naman we were basically forced to be friends with each other, I knew that Kallie, Laslo, Lucho, and the others really are my friends—they’re my people. I would always be there for them the same way I know that they will always be there for me. Now, I wasn’t expecting to be like that with Rachel since kakakilala pa lang namin, but still…

Maybe one thing I have learned so far in my stay here was that friendship shouldn’t be forced. Kasi kay Mara naman na kahit sa PI 10 lang kami classmates, we do get along well… Even with Ethan that I just met the other day, it seemed like we’d be good friends, as well.

So, I just gotta let it go.

I just needed to focus on my studies and put less energy and attention to Rachel—after all, she already got what she wanted from me. Sandro’s already a part of her circle. She could handle the rest—whatever that might be.

That weekend, I actually didn’t want to be bothered by anyone. When Sandro called to ask if uuwi ba ako sa Manila, I told him yes but that the driver will pick me up. Pero hindi naman talaga ako umuwi. I just said that in case na dumaan siya and makita niya ’yung sasakyan ko na naka-park. I just wanted to have time alone and rearrange my things—and my thoughts. Basta. I just needed to do a whole cleaning as if that would also clean my life.

Ewan.

I just needed to do this.

So, for the entirety of Saturday, I did general cleaning and rearranged some of the furnitures. I also made a little study corner kung nasaan naka-lagay lahat ng mga study materials ko. I printed some inspiring quotations and pinned them on my board.

I needed to remind myself that I am here to study Forestry and then be an environmental lawyer—and I shouldn’t be distracted from my goals.

---

Sunday morning, I woke up early—like 5:30AM early—and decided to go for a run. I needed to make sure na nasa Manila na talaga si Sandro bago ako lumabas ng apartment. I didn’t want to accidentally bump into him and have to explain why I was still here when I said the driver was picking me up.

So, last Friday, when I decided na hindi ako uuwi and magtatago ako sa apartment, I immediately called Kallie.

“Lily, you better be dead in a freaking ditch,” she answered, voice thick with sleep.

Agad na kumunot ang noo ko. “Huh? It’s 8AM,” I told her.

“Exactly,” she said, her voice hoarse.

Napa-iling ako. Yup. She sounded like she just got home from wherever. “Okay. I’m sorry. Can you do me a favor?” I asked.

“Duh,” she said. “About what, tho?”

“Can you call Tita Lyana tomorrow and ask if Sandro’s home?”

“Uh… okay, but why?”

“Please?”

“Why can’t you just text him yourself?”

“Because I told him I’m in Manila and I’m not.”

I heard her laughing. “Oh. Okay. You know I got you,” she said. “Do you want me to also call your parents and tell them that you’re with me and we’re doing some road trip?”

“No, that’s not needed, but thanks for being willing to corroborate.”

She chuckled. “You know it,” she said. “But sure, sure, I will call Tita Lyana later. You better get your ass here in Manila and tell me what’s going on! You and Sandro acted so weirdly last time.”

“Hindi kaya.”

“Ugh. Whatever. Denial queen. Bye. I need to sleep.”

“Okay,” I said. “Good night, Kals.”

“Nighty, Lils.”

I put on my black running shorts, black sports bra, running shoes, and of course my AirPods. The campus was quiet at 6AM on a Sunday. Walang masyadong tao—just a few early risers like me. The air was cool and misty, and for the first time in weeks, I felt like I could actually breathe without something heavy sitting on my chest.

I started my usual route around the freedom park, settling into a steady pace. No distraction, just the music blasting in my ears. My playlist shuffled to some upbeat song I’d been obsessed with lately, and I let my body fall into rhythm with it. I was thinking about nothing but the burn in my legs, the cool morning air filling my lungs, and the steady thud of my footsteps on the pavement. I also really liked how the campus looked different at this hour—softer, gentler, like it was still waking up. And for once, I wasn’t running away from anything—I was just running.

I was halfway through my second lap when I saw someone running toward me from the opposite direction.

Ethan.

He looked just as surprised to see me as I was to see him. He slowed down as we got closer (na para bang hindi siya sigurado kung ako iyong nakikita niya. But I was sure that it was him because of his dimples), then stopped completely.

“Lily?” He was slightly out of breath, wearing white dri-fit and black running shorts.

I gave him a smile. “Good morning,” I greeted.

“You also run?”

“Just started a few weeks ago,” I replied. “Ikaw?”

We probably looked like fools since we were still jogging in place. I just didn’t want to disturb my rhythm. “Since high school,” he said.

“Really?”

He nodded. “Tried the whole gym thing—I can’t get into it. Mas gusto kong tumakbo.”

I just nodded. Different strokes for different folks. I guess gym’s enjoyable since madalas yatang nasa gym si Sandro. I was the same with Ethan, tho. Hindi ako for gym. I’d rather run and enjoy the nature while at it. Making I should also try hiking—but gagawin din naman namin ’yon for class, so maybe I shouldn’t get too ahead of myself.

We started running together, side by side. I felt like Ethan could run faster, but he didn’t try to. He just matched my pace and he didn’t try to fill the silence with conversation. I really liked that he didn’t try to talk to me while we were running. We just ran. Lap after lap, matching each other’s pace, comfortable in the quiet.

By the time we finished, it was almost 8AM and the sun was fully up. We walked to one of the concrete benches near Freedom Park, both of us catching our breath—but more like me. I mean, I’d tease him if he’s catching his breath as well! High school pa lang tumatakbo na siya.

“Wait here,” Ethan said, then jogged over to the convenience store. He came back with two bottles of water and handed me one.

“Oh. Thanks,” I said, twisting the cap open.

He just nodded. We sat there for a while, drinking water and not really talking. Just existing. Watching other people start their day—some students walking around, some family who looked like magpipicnic sila. I miss my family. Should I ask them to visit me here? But hindi ko pa rin kabisado ’yung school. How can I tour them if naliligaw pa rin ako? Sage would never let me hear the end of it if maligaw kami kahit dito ako nag-aaral.

“So,” Ethan said eventually. “What’s your plan for the day?”

I shrugged. “Nothing much this morning. But according to my study schedule, I should start doing my assignments ng 8PM.”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Study schedule?”

“Yeah. I made a calendar para organized and to avoid sobbing sessions while doing assignments.”

He laughed. “Wow. Now that you mentioned that, I should probably go and schedule my sobbing sessions, as well.”

I nodded dramatically. “You should. It helps.”

Ethan was just smiling and shaking his head.

“What about you? Plans?” I asked to be polite since he asked me about my plans.

“I need to bring my laptop to SM Calamba. For repair.”

“Oh, I thought you bought a new one?”

“Yes, but my files are still there,” he said.

“Oh, right.”

“Mara will kill me kapag hindi na-recover ’yung ibang files.”

I laughed. “Takot ka ba kay Mara?”

“Well, she’s scary.”

“I mean, she’s not. You’re just a lousy lab partner.”

“I missed a deadline once!” he dramatically replied.

I stuck my tongue out. “She’s my partner, too, and I never missed a deadline.”

Ethan rolled his eyes. “Show off.”

“Can I come with you?” I asked.

He looked at me, surprised. “To SM Calamba?”

I nodded. “I mean, if pwede lang.”

He immediately shook his head. “No, of course you can come. I was just surprised since the last time, when I offered to drive you home, you looked at me like I just told you I’d murder you in your sleep.”

“Tsk. So dramatic.”

He chuckled. “You can tell Mara that we’re going to SM Calamba.”

“Unprompted?”

He shrugged. “I mean, for your safety.”

I rolled my eyes at him. “Yeah, yeah, might as well write my last will since you act like you really will murder me later.”

Ethan walked with me papunta sa apartment ko. I told him it was fine, but he insisted. He said he’ll jog home and it’s no big deal. We were just walking about UPLB and he said he’s already memorized the campus since he jogs almost everyday. Maybe I should do that, too… pero later na kapag hindi na ako umiiyak sa dami ng ginagawa ko.

“I’ll call you kapag nandito na ako.”

“Okay.” My forehead creased when he handed me his phone. Nagloading pa iyong utak ko for a while. “Oh. Right,” I said as I typed in my number.

“Thanks,” he said as he did a little wave and began jogging away.

---

While I was preparing to go to SM Calamba, I received a call from Kallie. She apologized because she forgot to call yesterday but that Sandro’s indeed in Manila, as confirmed by Tita Lyana, but when she called, sabi daw ni Tita Lyana nasa labas si Sandro. Well, as long as he’s in Manila.

An hour later, I received a text from Ethan saying na nasa labas na siya. I got outside and immediately walked up to his car.

The drive was surprisingly quick. I was expecting traffic since when was it not traffic here? While we were in the car, we just talked about random things. I asked him about his degree. He said he’s taking biology since he’s certain he’ll go to med school after college. I told him about my plans to go to law school. He said both of his parents are doctors (cardiologist and oncologist) so he’s kind of expected to follow the same path. I told him it’s the same for me, but that luckily, my parents let me decide kung anuman ang gusto kong gawin.

When we got to the mall, sakto na kaka-bukas lang. It was still early that it wasn’t too crowded. Ethan first dropped off his laptop at the repair center, and then we headed to the grocery. I told him he didn’t need to accompany me and he could do whatever and I’ll just text him kapag tapos na ako.

“No, it’s fine,” he insisted. “Unless you wanna be alone while you shop? May scheduled sobbing session ka ba ulit dito?”

I glared at him. He laughed.

“Okay,” I said, pulling out my phone where I’d made a list. We walked through the aisles, and I picked out ingredients while Ethan occasionally added things to the cart—mostly junk food.

“Those aren’t on my list,” I said, eyeing the bag of chips.

“They’re on mine. Emotional support snacks.”

“Kumuha ka ng sarili mong cart.”

“Damot naman nito.”

“You’re messing my list. You are not the one meal prepping.”

“No, but I’m providing moral support. This is my payment—let me have a space in your cart.”

I rolled my eyes but let him keep the chips.

At some point, while I was inspecting a pack of chicken breasts. Why was I even thinking so deeply about this? They’re all the same. But for some reason, I was reading the labels as if that would change anything.

Bigla akong napa-tingin kay Ethan when I felt him taking a photo of me.

I frowned. “Delete that. I look ugly.”

“Yeah, you do.”

“Tsk. Burahin mo.”

He put his phone in his pocket. “Yeah, later.”

“If you want my photo, just tell me. I’ll even smile for you,” I said sarcastically.

He laughed. “Sure, but candid shots are the best.”

By the time we finished grocery shopping, it was almost noon. Ethan asked if I wanted to eat, but by that time, the mall was already filled with people and I wanted to go home already kasi kailangan ko pang magrest and magreview mamaya.

The drive back to campus expectedly took longer. I interrogated Ethan because I didn’t want to discuss my family. I try to be friendly with people, but I don’t really like discussing my family. Some people just get weird when they learn that my mom’s a partner at BGY Law and my dad’s a lawyer. It’s just easier not to discuss that.

When we pulled up to my building, Ethan offered to help me carry the grocery bags upstairs. There were four of them, and I’d definitely overestimated how much I could carry on my own.

“Thanks,” I said when we reached my apartment door.

“No problem.” He set the bags down. “Good luck with the meal prepping. Let me know if it’s sustainable o nagpapanggap ka lang.”

I frowned. “Thanks for the support.”

He chuckled. “No problem.”

“Thanks for letting me tag along today.”

“Anytime.”

He waved and headed back down the stairs, and I unlocked my door and brought the groceries inside.

---

I was so tired, but I still took a shower and then proceeded to take a quick nap. When I woke up, I started to put away the groceries when I received a notification.

ethanfigueroa tagged you in a story

I clicked on the notification. It was the photo from earlier—me squinting at the chicken, looking completely ridiculous. It didn’t even show my face since it was taken from behind. I stared at it for a second and then hearted the post. I didn’t repost it to my story. Kasi technically, I was supposed to be in Manila, and reposting a photo clearly taken at SM Calamba would be a dead giveaway.

But I didn’t feel bad about it.

This weekend reset had been really good. I felt like the next weeks would be a lot better than the past ones.

I closed Instagram and went back to organizing my groceries, separating vegetables from proteins and trying to figure out where to store everything in my tiny fridge.

As I was busy trying to play mental tetris, someone knocked on my door. Napa-tingin ako sa pintuan at napa-kunot ang noo. Who was it? I wasn’t expecting any visitor. And the only people who knew I live here was my family, Sandro, and Ethan. Did I leave something in Ethan’s car?

I wiped my hands on a towel, and went to check the peephole.

Sandro.

The crease on my forehead deepened.

I opened the door. “Hey.”

He didn’t even look surprised to see me. “I thought you went home?” he asked.

“I—uh—” I quickly recovered. “I came back this afternoon. Forgot something.”

Smooth, Lily. Very believable.

But Sandro didn’t push. He just glanced past me into the apartment and saw the grocery bags on the counter. “You went to the grocery?”

“Yeah.”

“When?”

“Earlier.” I stepped aside slightly, blocking his view of the SM Calamba receipts on the counter. “Why? What’s up?”

He was quiet for a beat too long. His eyes flicked from the groceries to me, back to the groceries, then to me again. I watched him piece it together—the SM bags, me being here when I’d said I’d be in Manila, the timeline that didn’t add up.

And then I saw the exact moment he decided not to ask.

“Nothing,” he said finally. He looked at me with a small, sad smile on his face.

Something tight coiled in my chest. Guilt, maybe. Or relief. Or both tangled together until I couldn’t tell which was which. He knew. He knew I was lying, and he was choosing to let me.

“Have you eaten lunch yet?” I asked, my voice coming out softer than I intended.

“Not yet.”

“Want to stay? I was going to try cooking adobo.”

His eyebrows went up slightly—surprise, or maybe amusement. “You? Cooking?” he asked. I stared at his face. I felt my chest tightening. I could see he’s trying his best to act like everything’s normal between us when we both knew that it wasn’t.

I smiled. He probably didn’t want to talk about it yet. I felt the same. It was scary to acknowledge that something had changed.

“Yeah. Trying this whole ‘functional adult’ thing.” I gestured at the groceries still scattered on my counter. “Figured I’d start somewhere.”

He looked at me for another second, and I couldn’t read his expression. Then he just nodded. “Sure. I’ll stay.”

Twenty minutes later, we were in my tiny kitchen, and the silence was so thick I could feel it pressing against my skin. Sandro was chopping chicken on my cutting board. I was standing next to him with my phone, reading a recipe I’d pulled up from Google, but I wasn’t really reading it. I was too aware of the quiet. Too aware of how we used to fill silences with easy conversation and now we were both just… existing in the same space without knowing what to say.

“Okay, so,” I said, forcing my voice to sound normal. Naka-tayo ako sa tabi ni Sandro. He’s already finished cutting up the chickens. Why was he so good at this? “It says to marinate the chicken in soy sauce, vinegar, garlic, and bay leaves for at least thirty minutes, but—”

“We’re skipping that,” Sandro said.

“What? But we must follow the instructions!” I protested.

“You’re already hungry,” he said.

“I can wait—” I paused because my stomach grumbled again. I pressed my lips together. “I mean, sure, I am hungry but I can handle it. I’ll just think that I’m fasting.”

But Sandro still insisted na pwede na naming lutuin iyong adobo without following the instructions! Pasaway.

Since he insisted, I let him do the cooking. At least if it’s messed up because he didn’t follow instructions, I could totally blame him. He poured the soy sauce into the pan. Too much, probably. Added vinegar. Added more soy sauce because he probably wasn’t sure if the first pour was enough. I just watched but didn’t comment.

I just stood there, watching the adobo simmer. The only sounds were the bubbling of the sauce and the occasional scrape of the spatula against the pan when he stirred. I wanted to say something. Wanted to explain why I’d lied about Manila, or apologize for being distant, or ask him why things felt so different between us now.

But I didn’t know how to start, and he wasn’t starting either, so we just stayed quiet.

By the time the adobo was done, my shoulders were tight from the tension. Ako na iyong nag-ayos ng lamesa dahil siya na iyong nagluto.

“Okay, this is actually so good,” I told him. “Since when did you learn how to cook?” I asked kasi baka isa na naman ’to sa mga ginagawa niya na hindi ko alam like going to the gym.

“Since I started to hit the gym.”

I nodded. “So, you’re officially a gym bro,” I said, teasing him.

He rolled his eyes. “It’s also one of mom’s condition when I told her that I’d study in UPLB. She said I needed to learn how to cook because I’ll die if I eat fast food everyday.”

“I mean, Tita Lyana’s right.”

“Are you also learning how to cook?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yup. I realized ang dami kong assignments everyday, so I figured it’d be easier if I meal prep on the weekend, so I won’t think about it much during weekdays. I can just always eat here,” I replied. Also, as I said this, I realized how much easier my life would be if I studied in Manila… but as they say, no growth in comfort.

Sandro looked dejected for some reason. I decided not to think about that—he’d tell me if he wanted to. I already had a lot in my mind.

We ate in silence again. Not the comfortable kind. The kind where every clink of silverware against plate felt too loud, where I was hyper-aware of every breath and movement.

When we finished, Sandro stood up and started clearing the plates before I could even move.

“Ako na,” I started.

“No, I’ll do it. You’re still tired from—” he said and then paused. He didn’t even need to finish his sentence. I knew what he meant.

I sat there for a moment, watching him wash the dishes. His back to me, shoulders slightly hunched. And I felt it again—that guilt. That awareness that he was here, in my apartment, helping me even though I’d lied to him. Even though I’d been pulling away for weeks. Even though I’d been a terrible friend.

“Do you want to watch something?” I asked.

He paused, hands still in the soapy water. “What?”

“A movie. Or a show. I don’t know.” I stood up, suddenly restless. “I don’t have to study until eight. We could just… I don’t know. Watch something.”

He turned around, drying his hands on my dish towel. “Okay.”

I turned on the AC—full blast because my apartment felt stuffy—and pulled up Netflix on my TV. Sandro sat on one end of my small couch. I sat on the other end. There was maybe a foot of space between us but it felt like miles.

“Ano’ng gusto mong panoorin?” I asked, scrolling through options.

“You pick.”

I picked something random. Some action movie I’d seen recommended. I wasn’t even paying attention to the title. And five minutes into the movie, I was freezing. The AC was too cold. I was wearing shorts and a thin shirt and I hadn’t thought this through. I wrapped my arms around myself, trying not to shiver obviously.

Napa-tingin ako nang biglang tumayo si Sandro. He stood up and grabbed the blanket that was neatly folded inside the laundry bag—I just got it from the laundry shop. He walked back at saka inabot sa akin iyong kumot.

“Thank you,” I said as I draped the blanket over me. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. The blanket was big enough for us. I tapped the space beside me. He got what I meant at naupo siya sa tabi ko. He, then, took the blanket from me and draped it over both of us.

We were close now. Not touching, but close enough that I could feel the warmth radiating from him. Close enough that I was suddenly very aware of every breath, every small movement.

The movie played. Explosions on screen. Dialogue I wasn’t really listening to. Just the two of us sitting under a blanket in my freezing apartment, eyes on the screen, pretending everything was normal.

“Lily,” Sandro said quietly.

“Hmm?”

“We’re still friends, right?”

I turned to look at him, but he was still watching the screen, jaw tight. “Of course we are.”

“Okay.” He nodded, but he didn’t look convinced. “It just… it doesn’t feel like it sometimes. Feels like you’re pulling away and I don’t know what I did wrong.”

My chest tightened. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Then what happened?”

I looked back at the screen because it was easier than looking at him. How do you explain that you’ve been so scared of losing your place in a group that you started losing yourself instead? That you’ve been so afraid of being replaced that you replaced yourself before anyone else could?

“I don’t know,” I said quietly. “Things just feel… different.”

“Different how?”

“Like we’re both trying to figure out who we are here. At UPLB. And maybe that means we’re not the same people we were before.”

He was quiet for a long moment. “I don’t want us to stop being friends because we’re growing up.”

“Me neither.”

“Then don’t disappear on me.”

The words hit harder than I expected. Because that’s exactly what I’d been doing, wasn’t it? Disappearing. Pulling away. Making myself smaller and smaller until maybe I’d just fade out completely.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“I don’t want sorry. I just—” He stopped. “I just want to know that we’re okay.”

“We are.”

“Are we?”

I finally turned to look at him again. He was already looking at me, and his expression was so open, so uncertain, so unlike the confident Sandro everyone else saw.

“Yeah,” I said. “We’re okay.”

He held my gaze for another second, then nodded and looked back at the screen. “Okay.”

“Okay.”

“I know you’re busy, but let’s try to meet at least for dinner,” he said.

“I just told you I’ll start meal prepping. Are you trying to sabotage me?” I asked in a lighthearted tone.

I felt him smiling. “Right,” he said. “I’ll bring my own food, then. Just let me eat here.”

“Okay,” I said.

“Also, after midterms, we have a reading break, right?” I nodded. “I was wondering… do you want to visit Isabela with me? Dad’s asking about you.”

“Hmm… I’ll check first if may gagawin ako with family. If wala, sure, I’ll go with you.”

“Okay. Thank you,” he said.

I snuggled closer. “Baliw. Why are you thanking me?”

We didn’t say anything else after that. Just sat there under the blanket, watching a movie neither of us cared about, and I felt the weight of everything unsaid pressing down on my shoulders.

But somehow, it felt lighter than before.

This story is already at Chapter 14 at patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at $3 per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 9

Sandro and I were okay. Not the same as before—I mean, it wasn’t fair for me to expect that we’d always remain the same—but okay in a way that felt more honest. Like we’d both stopped trying to force something and just let it be whatever it was going to be. Also, it was exhausting to always have to confirm that we’re okay.

So, we’re okay… until we both decide that we’re not.

Status quo kumbaga.

We still had dinner sometimes. Still texted about random things—memes he found funny, complaints about professors (mostly on my end), and me teasing him about being a gym rat (because I found it funny that while he’s lifting weights in the gym, he’s actually listening to audio lecture of his classes. Nerd). But there was space now. Room to breathe. He stopped asking where I was all the time, stopped confirming if we’re okay. And I stopped feeling guilty every time I said no to hanging out because I was busy with school or I was out with other people.

It was different, but it was working.

Tuesdays and Thursdays, Sandro played frisbee with Miguel and Marc. I didn’t go to watch anymore. At first, I thought about it—wondered if I should show up, prove I was still part of things. But then I realized I didn’t want to. I used that time to study at the library, or meet Mara for coffee, or just go on runs by myself.

And it was fine.

Friday afternoons, when Rachel’s group had their usual hangout at the tambayan near the College of Forestry, I went sometimes. Not every week. Just when I felt like it. And nobody made it a big deal when I didn’t show up. Rachel still posted Instagram stories of everyone laughing and eating and doing whatever, and I still saw them, but I’d stopped checking obsessively. Stopped analyzing who was in every photo and whether I should’ve been there, too.

It was freeing.

Ethan also became part of my routine without us really deciding it would happen.

Sunday mornings, we ran together. Early—early enough that campus was still half-asleep, just us and the other early risers and the sun coming up over the buildings. We didn’t talk much while running. Just matched pace and breathed and existed in the same space without needing to fill it with anything.

After, we’d sit at one of the benches near Freedom Park, drink water from the convenience store, and talk about whatever. Classes. The weird things we’d seen on campus that week. Nothing deep. Nothing complicated. Just easy.

During the week, I’d study with Mara sa library. Sometimes, biglang magpapakita si Ethan. Hindi niya naman ako kinakausap kapag nag-aaral, so it was fine. If kinakausap niya ako kapag nag-aaral ako, I probably would stop studying sa library. When studying, I just wanted to be left alone.

“I can’t believe you have to memorize the entire human anatomy,” I said one afternoon, looking at the diagram in his textbook.

“I can’t believe you have to memorize two hundred different tree species,” he shot back.

I rolled my eyes. “OA. It’s not two hundred—”

“How many is it?”

“…I don’t know. A lot.”

“At least bones and muscles don’t look exactly the same.”

“Trees don’t all look the same. Are you blind?”

“They literally do.”

I groaned. “Bulag.”

He laughed. That’s what it was like with Ethan. Light. Uncomplicated. Just some random conversations that didn’t need much overthinking. Sometimes, we’d grab lunch together or he’d drag me to a coffee shop with him. We fell into this rhythm so naturally I didn’t even notice it was happening. Not until Mara pointed it out.

“So,” she said, too casually. “You and Ethan.”

I looked at her na naka-kunot ang noo. “What about us?”

“You’re together a lot.”

I shrugged. “Sometimes,” sabi ko. “Kayo rin naman.”

“Because we’re both from Bio,” she said.

“And we’re all from UPLB, so what’s your point?”

She laughed at my response. “Okay, if you say so.”

Something defensive rose in my chest. This was exactly the same with Sandro and my family. Why couldn’t I just be friends with a guy? Bakit laging may something dapat? I also hang out with Mara a lot. Ibig sabihin ba may something din sa ’min?

“Nothing’s up. We just study sometimes. And run sometimes. And—” I stopped because listing it out made it sound like more than it was. “We’re friends,” I repeated, firmer this time.

Mara raised her eyebrows but didn’t push. “Okay. Friends. Got it.”

“Why are you asking like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like you don’t believe me.”

“I believe you.” But she was smiling slightly. “I just think it’s nice. I mean, Ethan could be annoying, but I actually think that he’s nice.”

“I mean, he’s fine,” I said.

“But he could be annoying, right?”

“More like dramatic,” sabi ko.

“I know! Did he tell you that he’s the youngest of five siblings and puro babae ’yung mga kapatid niya? Must be why he’s the way he is.”

Natawa ako. “You talk like something’s wrong with him.”

“I mean, I’m not discounting that possibility.”

Natawa ulit ako. “Baliw,” I said.

“But seriously, it’s nice that you’re good with him,” Mara said. “See? I told you you can find other people here in UPLB. Ang dami-daming tao,” she continued. “And speaking of other people, what’s up with Rachel?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know,” I said because I really didn’t try to keep up with her. I just see her sometimes sa class. We say hi. We talk in class (mostly I was talking to Miguel and Marc, but still) and we discuss kapag about sa group project. Everything’s very okay. “Why?”

“Wala lang din. I just saw her the other day. She was with Sandro and other people.”

I nodded. I mean, so, what? It was hardly news. Plus I still talk to Sandro regularly. They’re right—I wouldn’t lose Sandro just because he’s also friends with other people. Same way he wouldn’t lose me just because I was friends with other people, too. We’re both allowed to have worlds of our own.

“Speaking of the devil,” I said because I just saw a text from Sandro.

‘Sorry need to confirm if you’ll go with me to Isabela. Dad’s asking. If we’re not going, he’ll plan a vacation with Tita Indie.’

Kumunot ang noo ko. I excused myself kay Mara because I needed to call Sandro.

“Hello,” I said when he answered. “What do you mean?” He just repeated what he just said sa text. “No, no, I mean, if hindi ba ako pupunta don, hindi ka rin pupunta sa Isabela?” I asked. He didn’t reply. My lips parted. “Are you insane?” I asked. “You haven’t seen Tito since the sem started. You should go home sa reading break,” I told him.

“I can ask him to go to Manila,” he said. “Also, I haven’t seen my mom a lot, too.”

“You saw Tita Lyana the other week,” I told him.

“Well, they’re both my parents.”

My lips parted at the reasoning. I briefly closed my eyes. “So, if hindi ako pupunta, you won’t go to Isabela?” I asked just to confirm. He didn’t even say anything, but I’d take that as a yes. “Fine,” I said since I already asked my family and they’re all busy, so whatever. I was actually planning on booking a vacation some place else, but I guess Isabela’s nice, too. Haven’t been there in a while.

“So, you’ll go?” he asked. He sounded so excited. It reminded me of when we were kids.

“Yes,” I replied.

“Okay. I will confirm with dad.”

I sighed and exasperated sigh when the call ended. I was about to put my phone back in my pocket when I received a message from Kallie.

‘Are you in class?’

‘Just finished why?’

‘Great. Eta is 30 minutes.’

My eyes widened. I immediately called her.

“Are you for real? You’re on your way here?” I asked.

“Yup,” she replied. “I told you I need to know what’s happening! And you said you’re not yet sure kung kailan ka babalik sa Manila.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. It’s super busy here.”

“It’s fine. I’m coming to you,” she said. “I can sleepover, right?”

“Duh.”

“Okay. As if you have a choice.”

“Wait, I’ll ask Sandro to have dinner with us.”

“Pwede tomorrow na? Let’s talk muna.”

Napa-kunot ang noo ko. “And he can’t be present during the talk?”

“Nope.”

Natawa ako. “Fine, fine,” I said. “But will inform him that you’re here kasi baka magtampo na ako lang kasama mo.”

“As if,” Kallie replied laughing. “Anyways, please send the pin of your apartment. See you in a few, Lils!”

I told Mara that I had to go back to the apartment since kailangan ko pang ayusin. I was sure everything’s okay naman, but still. Also, I’d love to introduce Mara to Kallie, but next time na lang.

I took a quick shower and quickly prepared the bed. My bed’s not that big, but it’ll be fine. Kallie and I used to do lots of sleepovers. We could just cuddle or whatever. Plus if magreklamo siya, I’ll kick her out and make her check in a hotel or doon siya kay Sandro since mas malaki ’yung apartment niya kaysa sa akin.

Kallie arrived shortly after. She was carrying a light pink duffel bag.

“Lily!” she said as she jumped to hug me na para bang one decade niya akong hindi nakita. “It’s been forever!”

I laughed as I returned her hug. “I saw you a few weeks ago,” I replied.

“I know! It’s been forever!”

Kallie immediately made herself feel at home. She said she wanted to shower. I asked her what she wanted for dinner. I only had ‘healthy’ food in my ref, so I just placed an order. Kallie’s the kind of person who takes long showers, so while waiting, gumawa muna ako ng assignment ko. After about an hour, she was finally done. Before, I was wondering kung ano ang ginagawa niya sa CR. One time, I heard her talking. It sounded like she was conducting an interview with herself. She’s so insane. Kaya laging nasasabi na sila ni Saff ’yung magkapatid, e.

“I ordered pizza and chicken,” I informed her.

“Okay,” she replied as she was drying her hair with a towel. She sat on the opposite end of the couch. “So, tell me.”

“What?”

“Everything.”

“Everything?”

“Yes. Why you lied to Sandro about being in Manila? Did you two fight? Start from the beginning. Don’t skip any details. It’s not up to you to decide if it’s important or not.”

I laughed. “What’s this? Practice for cross-examination?”

“Yes,” she said. “I was born for this.”

I laughed while slowly shaking my head. I began to tell her everything—from the beginning up until the end. I tried to be as… neutral as possible. Because from my end, it felt like everything’s already fine. Like, why risk ruin this peace?

“Ugh. I already hate her,” Kallie said.

“I mean… now that I think about it, she’s just very… aggressive on her crush,” I said. “She wasn’t mean to me or anything.”

“Lils, she called you a ‘buffer.’”

I shrugged. “It’s fine.”

She groaned again. “Why are you such a doormat?”

I laughed. “You think so?”

“Yes. Duh. Why do you have to cater to her demands? Also, why the hell’s Sandro hanging out with her? Has he lost his damn mind? Nasobrahan na ba siya sa nature?” Kallie ranted. “You know what, call him. Papuntahin dito. I need to interrogate him, too.”

Natatawa ako sa reaction ni Kallie. She’s more affected. Buti na lang tapos na ako dito. I could laugh at her reaction. “I don’t think Sandro’s friends with her—more like Sandro’s friends with Marc and Miguel and Rachel’s part of the package. Like before—I was also hanging out with Marc and Miguel because of running and… you know? Rachel’s there. And it’s not like I can ask her to leave because they’re her friends first.”

Kallie rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I hate her.”

“Really, I’m good,” I told her. “Plus, I have other friends here na. I’ll introduce you to Mara and Ethan—”

“Ethan?” Her ears immediately perked up. “A new guy. Is he cute?”

I rolled my eyes. “Seriously?”

“Show me a pic!” she demanded. She even grabbed my phone and made me open my instagram and didn’t stop until pinakita ko sa kanya ’yung profile ni Ethan. “Oh… He’s cute… in a lanky, nerdy way.”

“I guess,” I said.

“So, what’s the tea?”

“No tea. Just water.” She arched her brow. “I’m serious. I’m just friends with him—”

“The same way you’re just friends with Sandro? Got it.”

I groaned. “My god. Lahat na lang.”

She laughed. “Just kidding, Lils!” she said as she anchored her arms with mine and rested her head on my shoulder. I pushed her head away dahil basa pa iyong buhok niya. “But seriously, I’ll tease you with any guy—be it with Sandro, that Ethan, or whoever. I want you to have the complete college experience—and that includes college romance.”

“Like you?”

She grinned. “Oh, trust me, my college experience is so good so far. I want that for you, too.”

I shrugged. “We’ll see.”

“But on a more serious matter, you good with Sandro?” she asked.

“Yeah. Why?”

“I don’t know. You two felt a little off nung nasa beach tayo. I just didn’t ask then because maraming tao. And I know you don’t like confrontations.”

“I mean, we’re good. Better. Different, but better.”

“Different how?”

“We’re figuring out how to be friends when we’re not the same people we were growing up. I mean, we’re here in UPLB with just us—literally. I guess medyo nanibago lang kami when we have separate lives and separate friends and we’re not together all the time.”

Kallie nodded slowly. “That’s healthy, though. Growing up doesn’t mean growing apart. It just means… growing,” she said. “And you know what I firmly believe in?” Kallie asked, lying back on the couch and staring at my ceiling.

“What?”

“When it’s meant to be, it will be.”

I turned to look at her. “That’s very philosophical of you.”

“I’m serious. Look at our parents. Despite all odds, they ended up together. Your mom and dad, my parents—they found their way to each other.”

I snorted. “My dad basically refused to give up on my mom. That’s not destiny—that’s my dad being stubborn.”

“Okay, fine. So, maybe my parents are more the destiny kind—also maybe a bit… dramatic because someone had to die.” Kallie waved a hand. “But whatever. Point is—we’re in college. We’re supposed to enjoy this. What’s meant to happen will happen. You don’t need to think so much about it.”

“I always think too much.”

“I know. That’s why I’m telling you to stop.” She turned her head to look at me. “You’re here to build experiences, right? So do exactly that. Live. Make mistakes. Figure out who you are without overthinking every single decision.”

“And what if I mess up—”

“Then you mess up. So, what?” Kallie sat up. “We’re all still going to be in Manila when you go back. Nothing’s going anywhere. Your family’s not disappearing. I’m not disappearing. Just… be here. Be present.”

I thought about that. About how I’d spent so much time worrying about losing things—losing my place in the friend group, losing Sandro, losing myself—that I’d forgotten to actually live.

“Yeah,” I said quietly. “You’re right.”

“I’m always right,” Kallie said, grinning. “It’s a gift.”

I threw the pillow at her face.

---

The next morning, I woke up to the sound of Kallie rummaging through my kitchen.

“You have no food,” she announced when I stumbled out of my room.

“I have food,” I told her. “We didn’t even finish the pizza yesterday.”

“I don’t want to eat that again.”

“Then starve,” I said. She groaned. I groaned, too. She marched back to the room. I followed and heard that she just called Sandro and was demanding that he come over here and bring us breakfast. Napa-iling na lang ako. You’d think na bunso siyang anak sa pamilya nila with the way she’s acting.

A little while after, we heard knocking on the door. Kallie immediately sprung from her seat at saka binuksan iyong pinto.

“Sandro!” Kallie said excitedly—but she seemed more excited sa dalang paperbag and cup holder ni Sandro. “You got my order?” she asked na parang delivery guy si Sandro.

He nodded. “Yes. I double checked.”

“You’re the best,” Kallie said with a thumb up.

Tumingin sa akin si Sandro. “I got you a sandwich and coffee, too,” he said. “And a yoghurt bowl.”

I smiled. “Thank you.”

“Why didn’t you get me yoghurt din?” Kallie asked, frowning.

“You said sandwich and latte,” Sandro said. “Kapag iba binili ko, magagalit ka.”

“Ugh. Blatant favoritism.”

Napa-iling na lang ako habang nagtatalo silang dalawa—but more like Kallie na inaaway si Sandro and Sandro who seemed like he’s just listening and lumalabas sa kabilang tenga niya iyong sinasabi ni Kallie.

I ate breakfast in silence while the two bicker in front of me. After that, Kallie said that she wanted to go around UPLB.

“Uh… saan tayo pupunta?” I asked. I haven’t been around, too.

“IRRI?” Sandro suggested.

“Naka-punta ka na don?” I asked.

He nodded. “With Miguel and Marc,” he replied. I saw Kallie roll her eyes. Buti na lang sa akin naka-tingin si Sandro kaya hindi niya nakita ’yon.

“Oh, okay,” I said.

We took quick showers tapos ay sumakay na kami sa sasakyan ni Sandro. Kallie told him to drive us around. Nauna pang pumasok si Kallie sa sasakyan. She sat in the backseat and was even wearing a pair of sunglasses. Natawa ako. She could really be a brat sometimes.

I sat in the passenger seat—didn’t want Sandro to look like our chauffeur. I connected my phone to play music, and when the Bluetooth list came up, I paused. Only two devices—his phone and mine. That was it. I’d thought… I didn’t know. I guess I thought with all his new friends, there’d be more names there by now. Miguel. Marc. Someone. But it was still just the two of us.

“Is there any problem?” Sandro asked.

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. I shook my head. “Nope,” I said as I clicked on my name on the list and began playing music while Kallie was taking selfies on the backseat.

---

We went to IRRI. We walked around. We checked the cafeteria and the museum. We took lots of photos—aka Kallie made Sandro take lots of photos of us. Kallie sent some of the photos to our groupchat and they all told Kallie na bakit ’di niya sinabi na pupunta siya dito. And just like that, they all planned to go to UPLB—this time, we’ll probably stay in Pansol and just rent a private resort there kasi masyado kaming madami.

After IRRI, we went to the grocery because Kallie wanted to have picnic sa may Freedom Park. We bought food, drinks, and also a picnic mat. We settled on a good spot that we found. The wind felt so nice and relaxing. Kallie lied down and told us that she’ll take a nap first. She wore her airpods and covered her face with a book that she bought (she said she’ll read it but who was she kidding).

“Already told Dad,” Sandro said.

We were sitting side by side. Sandro’s legs were stretched out in front of him, crossed at the ankles. Mine were pulled up to my chest, arms wrapped around my knees.

“Okay,” I said. “But baka gusto nila ni Tita Indie magvacation. Bakit hindi ka na lang sumama sa kanila?” I asked.

He just shrugged. “Didiretso na ba tayo sa Isabela?” he asked instead.

“Can I at least go home to my family first?”

“Okay. I’ll pick you up Sunday morning?”

Natawa ako. “Oh, okay. Thanks for giving me one day to spend with my family.”

His lips parted. “No, I mean—” He paused. He looked like he was in panic. “Ano’ng araw mo ba gustong pumunta? I was just thinking that—” He paused again. He was looking at me like he was asking me for help sa susunod na sasabihin niya. I just laughed at his face. “Just tell me when you want to go,” he said.

I nodded as I was smiling. “Okay,” I said. “Monday, probably. I wanna stay during the weekend,” I continued. At least during weekend, my whole family’s there. It’s okay naman na weekday nasa Isabela ako since I probably won’t see much of my family kasi busy sila sa work and school. So, it’s fine. Plus I really enjoy going sa hacienda.

“Okay,” Sandro said. “I’ll tell Dad. They already prepared your room.”

“I’m excited.”

“Really?” he asked like he was surprised.

I nodded. “Why? I’m always excited kapag nandon ako. I like riding horses. We’ll do that, right?”

Sandro immediately nodded. “Yes. What else do you want to do?”

“Hmm… Maybe maligo sa may batis? Oh, also visit Tita Assia and have dinner there,” I said as I began telling him about all the things that I wanted to do. Tsk. Bigla tuloy akong na-excite. But to get to the reading break, I needed to suffer through the midterm exams first. I would definitely die.

Sandro was just nodding.

“I mean, we don’t need to do everything,” I said. “We can just chill.”

“We’ll do everything,” he answered like it’s a promise.

I laughed. “No, seriously. Don’t be pressured,” I told him. “I mean, it’s just us. We’ll definitely have fun regardless,” I said as I looked him in the eyes.

“Okay,” he replied as he continued to hold my stare. “I always have fun when I’m with you.” 

**

This story is already at Chapter 19 at patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at $3 per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 10

I was so sleepy but I knew that I needed to finish packing. Walang malapit na malls sa hacienda, so I needed to be sure that everything I would need, I had with me. Super late na ako naka-tulog. Saffie told me that she has plans ng Sunday, so we decided to do a movie marathon ng Saturday night. We finished two movies (we originally planned three but I was already dozing off half-way through the second movie. It was so boring! We should never let Sage choose the movies.). And medyo masakit pa ’yung katawan ko. I fell asleep on the beanbag while Saff was on the couch… and si Sage ay nasa sahig. I mean, it was carpeted, so he’s probably fine.

My neck was stiff and my back was complaining. I checked my phone—6:47AM. Way too early for a Sunday, but I was already awake, so whatever. I got up carefully, trying not to wake Saffie who was still passed out on the couch, and I tried not to step over Sage who looked like he’s dead (honestly at one point I was tempted to draw a chalk outline of his body) and headed to my room. My half-packed bag was on my bed, mocking me. I’d gotten maybe thirty percent done last night before Saffie told me na may lakad siya, so we decided to do an impromptu movie marathon (hence the bad movie choices).

I sat down and started pulling out clothes from my closet. What do you even pack for a week in a hacienda? It’s gonna be super hot, for sure, so I’ll just bring light clothes and some swim wears kasi baka magswimming kami sa batis.

In the end, I decided to just bring everything. I won’t be commuting naman, so it won’t be a hassle to bring everything. Besides, I’d rather have too many clothes than to be caught lacking.

Once done packing, I took a quick shower. I was already almost done drying my hair when I received a message from Sandro telling me that he was already parked outside. I did a double check just to make sure na dala ko lahat ng kailangan ko. I received another text from Sandro asking if my parents were here. I dialled his number since it was hard to text while accounting for my things.

“They’re out. Hinatid si Saffie,” I told him. “Why?”

“Nothing,” he replied. “I thought I’d say hi.”

“Ah,” I said as I closed my duffel bag. “Don’t worry, I’m sure my dad will call later. You can say hi by then na lang,” I continued. “I’m done na. Labas na ako. See you,” I added before I ended the call.

After making sure that my room’s clean and wala ng nakasaksak sa outlets, I said goodbye muna sa mga kasambahay namin. I went outside and quickly saw Sandro. He was leaning against his car, scrolling through his phone. Seryosong naka-tingin siya sa phone niya. Sino’ng kausap niya? I wanted to ask, but then I stopped myself. Again, not my business. I didn’t need to know lahat ng tao na nakaka-usap niya. I wished for the day to come when I didn’t immediately feel curious to know kung sino iyong kausap niya. It’s exhausting to always be curious and then be forced to end the curiosity because of boundaries.

When Sandro saw me, he straightened up and waved his hand at me.

“Ready?” he asked nang maka-lapit ako sa kanya.

I nodded. “Yup.”

He took my bag from me and put it in the backseat. I climbed into the passenger seat and immediately connected my phone to his car. The Bluetooth menu popped up—only two devices saved. His and mine.

“What are you putting on?” Sandro asked as he got in.

“I don’t know yet. What do you want to listen to?”

“Anything. You choose.”

I scrolled through my Spotify and put on a playlist. I caught him staring at me through the rearview mirror.

“What?” I asked, my forehead creased because of the look on his face.

He slowly shook his head. “Nothing,” he replied but the small smile on his face didn’t escape my eyes.

“Ayaw mo ba sa songs dito?”

“No, they’re fine,” he replied.

“Oh, okay. I just thought ayaw mo based sa reaction mo.”

“I just thought you forgot about it.”

“Huh?”

“You don’t add songs anymore.”

My eyes slightly widened upon realization. I mean, I didn’t even think he’d notice because it was just something that we used to do. Na if may bago kaming kanta na nagustuhan, we’d add it to our playlist (named S&L for Sandro and Lily because we’re very creative). But when I was in senior high, I got too busy that I forgot about the playlist.

I suddenly felt guilty.

Did Sandro feel abandoned nung nasa senior high ako? Because that was also the time when I made him the Instagram account… And thinking about it now, I was a bad friend… because why couldn’t I allot a few minutes to talk to him? Fully knowing na wala siyang masyadong friends sa Seattle?

“I haven’t liked any new songs,” I quietly said. “I’ll add new ones kapag may nagustuhan ako.”

I saw surprise on his face.

I felt so bad.

I must’ve really sucked as a friend because why was he so surprised with something as simple as this one?

---

“Are you hungry?” Sandro asked when we finally got onto the expressway.

“Medyo.”

“Do you want any food in particular?”

Umiling ako. “Kahit ano. Drive-thru na lang since malayo pa ’yung pupuntahan natin.”

We pulled into a drive thru and Sandro ordered. I just stared at him in amazement because he memorized my order.

“Do you want anything else?” he asked. “Did I forget anything?”

I slowly shook my head. “Nope. You got it all.” I saw him slightly blushing—just a little blush on his ears and cheeks. I laughed. “I mean, it’s just… surprising. Na kabisado mo ’yung order ko,” I said.

“You order the same food every time,” he replied.

“Really?”

He nodded as we pulled up in front of the pick-up window. “When we’d talk while you’re driving, you always place the same order. Either that or chicken with extra gravy.”

I laughed. “I didn’t realize I was that predictable.”

“You are.” He took the bags of food from the window and handed them to me. “But it’s fine. Makes it easier to order for you.”

I looked at him and smiled. I pulled out my chicken and started eating, feeling something warm settle in my chest. It was such a small thing—knowing someone’s food order. But somehow it felt significant. Like proof that he paid attention. That he cared about the little details.

“Thank you,” I said quietly.

“For what?”

“For remembering.”

He smiled slightly. “Of course.”

---

We stayed in the parking lot to eat. Once we finished eating, I asked Sandro if he wanted to switch. He’d been driving for hours na and baka pagod na siya.

“No, it’s fine,” he said.

“You sure? I’m a good driver naman.”

“No, it’s not that,” he said, slightly defensive. “I know you’re a good driver.”

I laughed. “Okay… so, do you want to switch?”

Umiling siya. “I can still drive,” he said.

“Okay… but if you’re tired na, sabihin mo, okay? I promise I’ll get us there safe. I won’t get us in accident. I promised Tita Lyana that I’ll always look out for you.”

He nodded. “I know,” he said. “I promised the same to Tito Iñigo.”

I snicked. “You promised or he threatened you?”

Sandro shrugged. “Either works.”

I laughed. “Yeah, I know. You’re so scared of Dad,” I said kasi even when we were younger, he’d always been scared of dad… for some reason. Because seriously, among all our Titos, I’d argue that dad’s the… most chill one? Kaya hindi ko gets why Sandro’s so scared of him. Wala rin naman akong maalala na time na pinagalitan siya ni Dad or something. I didn’t understand where the fear’s coming from kasi parang hindi naman takot si Sandro sa ibang mga Tito namin—only with Dad.

“I’m not scared of Tito Iñigo,” Sandro said defensively.

“You literally ask permission before entering our house.”

“That’s called being polite.”

“Sandro, you’ve been going to our house since we were kids. You don’t need to ask for permission.”

“Still.”

Napailing na lang ako. I’d wait for the day when he’d be more comfortable kasi sila Kallie nga pumapasok na lang basta sa bahay namin—and it’s honestly fine since we do the same din naman sa bahay nila Tita Katherine.

In the end, si Sandro pa rin iyong nagdrive. I tried to stay awake. Really, I did. But the combination of sleeping up late and waking up early, the long drive, and the hum of the car was making my eyelids heavy. Pilit na nilalabanan ko ang gravity pero napapa-sandal talaga ako sa bintana. I kept on tapping my cheeks to force myself to stay awake.

“Lily.”

I blinked. “Hmm?”

“You’re falling asleep.”

“I’m not.”

“You literally just nodded off.”

“No, I didn’t.” But I sat up straighter because maybe I had. Gosh. Ang kapal pa ng mukha ko to volunteer to drive.

Sandro glanced at me, amused. “It’s fine. You can sleep if you want.”

“No, I need to keep you company. You’re driving.”

“It’s fine,” he said again.

“No,” I stubbornly replied. I grabbed the tumbler with coffee and began drinking—as if that would magically take away the drowsiness that I was feeling. I also rolled down the window slightly, letting the wind hit my face. That helped. A little.

“So,” I said after a while. “Kamusta ang midterms?”

“Fine,” he replied. “You?”

“Ugh. Buti ka pa,” I said, groaning. “Mine was so hard!” sabi ko and then I began to rant to him about my subjects and everything na pwede kong ireklamo. It was kind of… therapeutic. Ngayon lang pala ako nakapagreklamo. I mean, pwede ko namang sabihin kay Kallie but for some reason, I knew that it wouldn’t feel the same since we’re from different universities. It’s like Sandro’s the only one who could truly understand me and my problems.

“Thanks,” I said after my mini rant session.

Sandro threw me a quick glance. “For what?”

“For listening,” I said. He gave me a small smile. “Ikaw din, okay? If you have… like literally anything you want to say, you know that I’m always down to listen, right?”

He gave me a small nod. I gave him a small smile.

We stopped for another meal at small restaurant. We ate quickly because we still had a few hours to go, and I could tell Sandro was getting tired kahit wala pa siyang sabihin sa akin tungkol doon.

“You sure you don’t want me to drive?” I asked again as we got back in the car.

“I’m good. We’re almost there anyway.”

“It’s still like three hours.”

But Sandro was insistent na siya pa rin iyong magda-drive. Me, being the passenger princess, just made sure na hindi ako makaka-tulog. I fully rolled the windows down since we’re already in the province and the air was so nice. I also began to play songs that I could sing to. I began singing even though I knew that I was off-key most of the time. Sandro was just laughing at me, but I persevered in singing because I shouldn’t fall asleep!

By the time we reached Isabela, it was already dark. The sun had set somewhere around Cagayan Valley, and now it was just us and the headlights and the posts with lights on.

“Almost there,” Sandro said.

“I know,” I replied. “Not my first time here,” I continued, sticking out my tongue at him.

“Just reminding,” he said. “It’s been a while, right?”

I nodded. “Yeah… It’s been a while,” I replied with a small smile on my face as I stared at the view outside the window. Grabe. Isang taon lang naman pero bakit parang ang dami ng nagbago?

We turned off the main highway onto a smaller road, then onto an even smaller road, and then finally—past a large gate and up a long driveway lined with trees—we finally arrived at our destination. The main house was lit up, Spanish colonial style with white walls and a red roof and a huge veranda that wrapped around the entire front.

“Wow,” I said.

“What?” Sandro asked habang naka-tingin sa akin.

“I forgot how big this place is.”

Sandro smiled slightly. “Really? This place used to feel massive to me when I was younger,” sabi niya.

“Why? Naliliitan ka na ba dito? Bibilhin mo na rin ba ’yung kabilang hacienda?”

Natawa siya. “No way,” he said. “I don’t have any money.”

“You’re the only child kaya.”

“I have cousins.”

“But this hacienda is solely Tito Sancho’s, right?”

He just shrugged. “I never really asked,” he replied.

I just nodded and didn’t continue to pry. Sandro told me before that he didn’t like talking about money—he never told me directly why, but I assumed that it was because of his Tita Irina. Lagi yata kasing nag-aaway before si Tita Lyana and Tita Irina dahil sa pera. I didn’t know the exact reason since I couldn’t ask Sandro. That was a sore topic for him—his mood immediately turns sour kapag napapag-usapan ’yon, so I never really dared ask again.

We parked in front of the main house, and before we could even get out, the front door opened and Tito Sancho walked out. He looked exactly the same as I remembered—tall, dark hair with grey streaks, wearing a polo shirt and jeans even though it was already late at night. When he saw us, his whole face lit up.

“Sandro,” he said with a warm smile. “Lily,” he also called me.

“Hi, Tito,” I replied with a smile. “Where’s Tita?”

“May inasikaso sa bayan. Bukas na magpapakita sa inyo,” he replied. “Have you had dinner yet?”

Umiling ako. Napa-tingin si Sandro sa akin na naka-kunot ang noo. We already had dinner—I mean, how could we not have dinner when Sandro would ask me every hour if gutom na ba ako? I elbowed him. Of course we should have dinner with Tito Sancho! Minsan na nga lang sila magkita!

“You can put your things first in the room. Ipapa-init ko muna ’yung mga pagkain,” Tito Sancho told us. I walked behind them. I just realized that they’re the same height now… Wow. Parang dati lang mas matangkad pa si Tito Sancho kay Sandro, but now they’re the same height. Kaya siguro mas magkamukha na sila sa paningin ko. And basing on how Tito Sancho looks now? Sandro shouldn’t worry about getting older—the future will treat him well.

“Your room—” Sandro said.

“I know where my room is,” I replied.

“Okay,” he said.

“Do you know where your room is?” I asked, joking.

Sandro rolled his eyes and turned his back on me and walked away. That weirdo.

I went inside my room— yes it’s my room since dito ako lagi nagsstay kapag nagbabakasyon ako. Even Kallie was jealous kasi ako lang iyong may sariling room dito. In my defense, ako iyong pinaka-consistent na nagbabakasyon dito. Most of my summers, I spend two weeks here, so understandable na may kwarto ako dito.

I placed my bag on the floor. I’d arrange my things later na lang. When I got out, medyo nagulat ako because Sandro was already standing outside my door.

“Creep,” I told him. “Kanina ka pa d’yan?”

Mabilis siyang umiling. Lousy liar.

We walked to the dining area together. I thanked Tito Sancho for the food. I was super grateful kasi tuwing nandito ako, he makes sure to always tell the cooks to prepare my favorite food. I always happily gain weight kapag nandito ako. I mean, who was I to say no to good food?

“Thank you for the food, Tito,” I told him once we’re done with dinner. We didn’t really talk much—I figured Tito Sancho wanted to reserve the more lively conversation tomorrow kapag nandito na si Tita Indie.

Tito Sancho nodded. “Magpahinga na kayo.”

I said good night to the both of them then dumiretso na ako sa room ko. I sat on the floor again and pulled out my phone. A text from my mom asking if I’d arrived safely. A text from Kallie asking for updates. I replied to everyone. Once done, I put my phone down and unpacked my things. After that, I took a much needed shower. I did my skin care and then tried to sleep… but for some reason, hindi ako maka-tulog. So weird kasi antok na antok ako sa sasakyan but ngayon na pwede na talaga akong maka-tulog, hindi naman ako maka-tulog.

Probably because it was too quiet. No traffic sounds, no neighbors, no random campus noise. Just silence and the occasional sound of wind through trees. And the crickets. The crickets that reminded me that I was back to my childhood sanctuary.

I lay there for maybe an hour, staring at the ceiling, before giving up.

I got out of bed, threw on a hoodie over my pajamas, and quietly opened my door. The house was dark—everyone was already asleep. I tiptoed downstairs and out the front door onto the veranda.

The sky was insane. I’d seen stars before, obviously. But not like this. In Manila, you could barely see anything because of the light pollution. In Los Baños, you could see some. But here? It was like someone had dumped an entire bag of glitter across the sky.

I sat down on one of the chairs and just looked up.

“Can’t sleep?” I jumped and turned around. Sandro was standing in the doorway, wearing a shirt and shorts, hair messy like he’d just woken up.

“Hindi ka rin maka-tulog?” I asked back.

He nodded as he took the chair next to mine, and we both looked up at the sky.

“It’s weird.”

“What’s weird?”

“This,” I said. “I mean… I feel like a lot has changed, but the sky still looks the same. Ganito pa rin. I remember being in awe the first time I saw the sky when I first visited the hacienda,” I told him.

I looked at him when I felt his silence.

“Do you think a lot has changed?” he asked.

“Yup. But it’s the good kind of change,” I told him.

He nodded, and we both fell into silence. Just looking up at the stars. Comfortable silence. I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. The night air was cool but not cold. Perfect. I could hear crickets somewhere in the distance and the soft rustle of wind through the trees.

Sandro shifted in his chair, leaning back and crossing his arms behind his head. We just sat there like that for a while. Ten minutes? Twenty? I lost track. Time felt different here. Slower. Like it didn’t matter as much.

Napa-tingin ako nang magyawn si Sandro. “You should sleep,” I told him.

He shook his head like a stubborn kid. Napa-iling na lang din ako at saka tumayo. “Well, we should sleep,” I told him. “We need to wake up early. We’ll have breakfast with Tita Indie.”

We walked back inside together, careful not to make too much noise. The house was still completely dark. Sandro’s room was on the opposite end of mine, but he still walked me to my room na para bang akala niya talaga ay maliligaw ako.

“Good night, Lily,” Sandro said quietly.

“Good night, Sandro,” I replied.

---

The next morning, I woke up with my body slightly aching kahit naka-upo lang naman ako the whole day basically. I checked my phone—8:23AM. My eyes widened. I slept through my alarm?! I quickly got up, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and changed into shorts and a shirt before heading down.

Tita Indie was in the dining area. She was busy putting fresh flowers on the vase. Napa-tingin ako sa paligid pero wala pa iyong mag-ama.

“Good morning, Tita,” I quickly greeted.

“Good morning, Lily,” she greeted back, hugging me.

“Where’s Tito Sancho and Sandro po?”

“May kausap lang sa labas,” she said.

I nodded. While waiting sa pagbalik nila, I helped Tita Indie with the flowers. I asked Tita Indie if sa hacienda din iyong mga bulaklak and she said na meron ng green house.

“Wow, really? Kailan pa, Tita?” I was merely asking a question, but the blush on Tita Indie’s face gave it away. “What, Tita? Bakit mukhang kinikilig ka?”

“Wala, ah.”

“What? Share naman, Tita,” I prodded. “Gift ba ni Tito Sancho sa ’yo ’yung greenhouse?” I asked. The blush on Tita Indie’s face was so entertaining na tinukso ko na siya and I was having so much fun na hindi ko napansin na naka-balik na pala sila Tito Sancho and Sandro. Napa-tingin ako sa kanila. Sandro’s forehead was creased like he was asking kung ano ang pinag-uusapan namin ni Tita Indie. I shook my head. It’s our secret, noh!

---

We had a really long breakfast because Tito Sancho and Tita Indie were asking us a lot of things about school. Sandro was seriously talking about his subjects and I was in awe because hindi ba first sem pa lang namin? But it was as if he was so advanced in his degree because he was also discussing with Tito Sancho na he was also interested in doing an exchange student program in Japan.

“It’s only for two months,” he said, looking at me.

Napa-kunot ang noo ko. “Okay,” I said, a bit confused. Did he want the program to be longer? I thought it was supposed to be a summer program lang?

After breakfast, we all headed to the stables. I thought it would be a death march kasi mainit, but surprisingly, the heat was bearable. We walked for about ten minutes before we reached our destination.

I said hi to Shadow, my horse. I mean, Tito Sancho said he’s mine! Regalo niya sa akin nung 13th birthday ko.

We rode around for an hour, past workers tending to the crops who waved as we passed. I said hi back to them. Bukas ko na lang sila kakausapin talaga kapag gumala ako sa hacienda. Sandro rode beside me, easy and comfortable, like he’d been doing this his whole life. Which, I guess, he kind of had.

After a while, nagsabi sina Tito Sancho na kailangan pa nilang pumunta sa bayan. I assured them that we’re fine and they should do whatever they needed to do.

“Ready?” I asked as I adjusted my position.

Kumunot ang noo ni Sandro. “Huh?”

Instead of answering, I urged Shadow forward, nudging his sides gently with my heels. He started moving, and I guided him toward the path that led to the batis.

“Lily! Wait—where are you going?”

I looked back over my shoulder, grinning. “Secret! Keep up!”

I heard him laugh, then the sound of Shadow’s hooves following behind me. I was going fast since kanina nung kasama pa namin sila Tito Sandro ay basicall nagstroll lang kami. The wind in my face and the sun warm on my shoulders felt so nice. Sandro caught up to me quickly, riding alongside.

“You could’ve just said kung saan tayo pupunta.”

I grinned again. “Where’s the fun in that?”

He shook his head, but he was smiling.

The ride to the batis took about thirty minutes instead of the usual fifteen minutes because I wanted to ride some more. When we finally reached it, I could hear the water before I could see it and I got even more excited.

“Here,” Sandro said, dismounting first. He walked over to help me down, holding Shadow steady while I swung my leg over and slid off. My legs felt a little wobbly after the ride.

“Thank you,” I said.

He nodded and started securing the horses’ reins to one of the trees.

“Wow,” I said nang mapa-tingin ako sa batis. “I forgot how pretty this is.”

The water was crystal clear and the sound of the water flowing were so relaxing. We set our stuff down on one of the flat rocks. I pulled off my shirt and shorts, revealing my black bikini underneath.

Sandro stared, his eyes slightly wide opened.

“What?” I asked as I tossed my clothes on top of the rocks.

“You’re already wearing your swimsuit?” he asked, a bit surprised.

“Duh,” I said. “Always prepared to swim.”

Nauna na ako sa may batis. The water was surprisingly cold, but I knew that I had to endure. I felt the chills crept through my system, tho. Napa-tingin ako kay Sandro kasi hindi siya nagsasalita. He was just standing there like he was in daze.

“Sandro?” I called. He blinked. “Hindi ka ba maliligo?” I asked.

He blinked once again. “Ah. Right,” he said. “I didn’t bring—” He paused. He looked around, grabbed my clothes that were on top of the rocks at saka sinabit iyon sa may puno. And then he took off his shirt.

I tried not to stare. I really did. But it was hard not to notice.

Sandro had definitely been working out—I mean, I knew he’s been working out but… It guess it’s just different to see the results with my own two eyes kasi kahit nung nasa beach kami, he didn’t really take off his shirt because he was busy doing his assignments.

But… yeah. I guess good for him.

I quickly looked away and focused on the water, pretending to be very interested in how clear it was. Very clear. Very cold. Very… wet.

God, I was being so weird.

“Ang lamig!” Sandro said as he stepped into the water.

I laughed at his reaction and I was thankful for the distraction because it definitely was weird to be distracted by his body! I watched him visibly shiver. Good. Served him right for distracting me.

He dove under completely and came up pushing his wet hair back from his face. I tried very hard not to notice how his arms looked when he did that. Or how water droplets were running down his—

Oh, my god, Lily, stop being such a creep!

“Come on,” I said instead, swimming toward the small waterfall. Sandro swam over and joined me. We stood there for a bit, just letting the water hit us, not really talking. I moved out from under the waterfall and floated on my back, staring up at the sky through the trees. The sun was filtering through the leaves, creating patterns of light on the water. Sandro did the same, and we just drifted there for a bit.

Peaceful.

Until Sandro splashed water at my face.

“Hey!” I sputtered, standing up.

“What?” he asked, feigning innocence.

“Pumasok ’yung tubig sa ilong ko,” I said, frowning.

Sandro’s eyes widened. He looked like he was about to apologize when I splashed him back, hard, and suddenly we were in a full water fight. Both of us laughing, trying to dunk each other, completely focused on winning. At some point, Sandro grabbed my ankle and pulled me under. I came up gasping and immediately tried to push him down in retaliation, but he was too tall and too stable, so I just ended up splashing more water at his face.

“Okay, okay! Truce!” I said, laughing and out of breath.

“You always do that when you know you’re about to lose,” he said, combing his hair with his fingers. Yup. This was beginning to feel weird again.

I splashed water on his face again. He looked so surprised when I did that.

“Duh. Does this look like a fair fight? Compare mo naman ’yung katawan mo sa katawan ko,” I said and then Sandro did as I ask—he looked at my body.

Oh, my god.

I felt my ears heating up. I quickly pretended to fix my hair and covered my ears because I was sure they were red as hell.

“Tsk. Balik na nga tayo. Nilalamig na ako,” I said as I walked away, now fully conscious of the fact that I was basically butt naked in front of him. Oh, my god. Bakit ang layo ng mga damit ko?!

This story is already at Chapter 21 at patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at $3 per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 11

I woke up the next morning still thinking about yesterday—specifically, about how I’d literally asked Sandro to compare our bodies and then freaked out when he actually looked at me. Like, what was wrong with me? Why would I say that?! Why would I ask him to look then panic when he actually did?

Pagod lang ako kahapon.

Yeah, that must be it.

I groaned and buried my face in my pillow.

This was so stupid. It was just Sandro. We’d been friends forever. We’d seen each other in swimsuits a million times. This shouldn’t be weird.

Except it was weird. And I was being weird. And I needed to stop being weird immediately. It’s just abs! Who cared if may abs si Sandro? It wasn’t my first time na makakita ng abs!

Like the idiot that I was, I kept on rolling around the bed. Paano ako lalabas? I hadn’t seen Sandro last night. I told them I was tired, so I actually skipped dinner. I couldn’t skip breakfast, as well. They’d think I was sick or something. And then they’d definitely call and tell my parents. And then what? Ang dami na madadamay all because I couldn’t look Sandro in the eye? Dahil sa abs niya?

Ridiculous.

Absolutely ridiculous!

I checked my phone—8:47AM. I could hear voices downstairs. Tito Sancho’s low rumble, Tita Indie’s laugh, and Sandro’s voice mixing with theirs.

I drew a really deep breath. Time to face the day and pretend yesterday didn’t happen—yup. Pretend. That’s what I was good at.

I got dressed, deliberately choosing a shirt that covered everything—a loose button-up over my tank top and denim shorts—and headed downstairs.

They were all in the dining area. Tito Sancho was reading the newspaper, Tita Indie was arranging more flowers (oh, right! The greenhouse! Kailangan ko pala maka-punta doon. Mom would definitely want to visit kapag sinabi ko sa kanya na may greenhouse na dito sa hacienda), and Sandro was eating breakfast and scrolling through his phone.

When Sandro looked up at me, he smiled. That normal, easy Sandro smile.

“Good morning,” he said.

“Morning,” I replied, avoiding his gaze na para bang nasa mata niya iyong abs niya, and I slid into a chair.

Tita Indie immediately put food in front of me. “Good morning, Lily,” she greeted. “We have a busy day today.”

“Busy?”

“May fiesta sa bayan this weekend,” Tito Sancho said, not looking up from his newspaper. “I thought you two might want to stay for it if you’re not in a rush to get back to Manila.”

I glanced at Sandro. We were supposed to leave Saturday. Go back to Manila, then back to Los Baños on Sunday.

“What do you think?” Sandro asked me, as if sa akin talaga naka-depende iyong schedule namin. I mean, if he wanted to stay, we definitely could. He just needed to say the word—also, wala naman akong dalang sasakyan. Paano ako aalis if wala siya?

“I mean… fiesta sounds fun?” I said.

“Are you sure?” Sandro asked.

I nodded. “Yup. Bakit? Gusto mo na bang bumalik?”

He quickly shook his head. I laughed a little dahil iyong reaction niya ay akala mo Azkaban iyong UPLB na ayaw niya ng bumalik doon.

“Same,” I said. “Just thinking about my classes next week,” I continued and then groaned.

“Then it’s settled,” Tita Indie said, beaming. “You’ll stay until Sunday. Para hindi kayo mahirapan, ipapa-hatid na lang namin kayo sa driver dahil malayo iyong byahe.”

“No, Tita, nakaka-hiya,” I said. “Pwede naman kami ni Sandro na magpalitan sa drive, so it wouldn’t be so tiring,” I continued.

Tita Indie asked us again and again if sure ba kami since if aalis kami ng Sunday, literally diretso kami ng klase the next day. It’s tiring to think about it, but it’s fine. Minsan na nga lang magbond si Tito Sancho and Sandro, sino ba naman ako to cut that short? Besides, mukhang ayaw din naman ni Sandro na magpa-drive kami pabalik sa UPLB.

After breakfast, Tito Sancho asked if we wanted to help with some work around the hacienda. Apparently there was a section of fence that needed mending, and he could use extra hands. It’s so cute how he’s so hands on sa mga ginagawa dito even tho ang dami namang nagta-trabaho sa hacienda.

“Sure, Tito. What do you need us to do?” I asked. I doubted na walang ibang pwedeng tumulong sa kanya. He probably just wanted to have some bonding time with Sandro.

We headed out to the fields with Tito Sancho and a few of the workers. It was already getting hot, and I was glad I’d worn the loose shirt kasi if hindi, I’d get sun burned.

“You okay?” Sandro asked while walking alongside me.

I nodded. “Yup,” I replied. “It’s just super hot.”

“You wanna go back to the house?”

“No, no, it’s fine,” mabilis na sabi ko. “Sayang naman if we went here tapos sa bahay lang tayo.”

Napa-kunot iyong noo ko when I noticed that Sandro suddenly disappeared. I was about to ask Tito Sancho kung nasaan iyong anak niya nang biglang bumalik na si Sandro. He was holding an umbrella.

“Thank you,” I said when he quietly held the umbrella over my head. And as usual, Sandro just gave a quiet nod.

After a while, nakarating na rin kami sa pupuntahan namin. Sandro handed me a bottle of water. I looked around and noticed na ako lang iyong may tubig. I got shy, so I didn’t even try to drink kasi nakaka-hiya na lahat naman kami naiinitan but ako lang ’yung may water.

Tito Sancho explained what needed to be done—replacing some rotted fence posts, reinforcing the wire, basic maintenance stuff. I tried to help, but honestly I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to be doing most of the time. I held things when told to hold things. I handed over tools when asked. I mostly just tried to stay out of the way.

But then Sandro took off his shirt.

Because of course he did. Because it was hot. Because the other workers were also working shirtless. Because it made sense. Kasi nga mainit!

“What?” Sandro asked when he caught me staring. What the heck was he even eating?! When did he get so fit?!

“Nothing,” I said, quickly averting my gaze. “Ang init. I’ll just stay under the mango tree,” I quickly added at saka naglakad ako palayo.

This was going to be a problem.

This was already a problem.

I couldn’t spend the rest of the week being weird every time he took off his shirt. That was insane. I needed to get over this. This wasn’t the first time that Sandro took off his shirt and this wouldn’t be the last time either. I needed to get it together.

To distract myself, I just replied to some messages. I checked the family group chat and then replied to some messages of Ethan and Mara asking me kung kailan ako babalik sa UPLB. I didn’t reply immediately kasi baka biglang magkaroon ng change of schedule. I didn’t know.

Sandro kept on looking at my direction. I felt bad kasi ako naman iyong nagvolunteer samin dito and then pa-cellphone-cellphone lang ako when he’s actually doing the work, so I decided na bumalik na doon.

However, I forced myself to focus on Tito Sancho, who was explaining something about the property boundaries and the crops they were growing this season. Sandro was asking good questions—about yields and costs and sustainable farming practices. He actually sounded interested. Like he was learning, preparing for something.

I realized this was his inheritance. His future. He’d probably run this place someday.

There was something about seeing him here—working with his hands, talking to the workers, completely in his element—that made my chest feel tight.

He belonged here.

With the fields and the mountains and the sky so big you could see forever.

“Lily?”

I blinked. Sandro was looking at me, concerned.

“Yeah. Sorry. Just spacing out.”

“Gusto mo na bang bumalik?” he asked. “Mainit na.”

“No, I’m fine,” I said.

He held my gaze for a moment, then nodded and went back to work.

---

We had lunch under a cluster of mango trees. Tita Indie had packed food for us—rice, adobo, sliced watermelons, and iced cold soft drinks. This reminded me of those times when we were kids kapag magbabakasyon kaming lahat. Our dads would be the ones taking care of us while our moms would be the one preparing the food.

Nakipagkwentuhan kami sa mga workers. It was nice that they’re comfortable with Sandro and Tito Sancho kasi ibig sabihin non, they’re treated well. I mean, I didn’t expect naman na masamang employer sila Tito Sancho, but still, seeing this was reassuring. And since si Sandro naman iyong magmamana ng hacienda, they’re in good hands.

After ng lunch, bumalik na kami sa bahay—this time though, it was faster. Pina-kuha pala ni Sandro iyong kabayo kaya mabilis lang kaming dalawa naka-balik sa bahay. He just dropped me off in front of the house and told me na pumasok na agad. He looked really worried na magcocollapse ako dahil sa init.

“Naka-balik na kayo?” Tita Indie said nung maka-salubong ko siya sa bahay.

“Nauna po ako, Tita,” I replied. “Tito Sancho’s walking back and si Sandro, binalik si Blaze sa stable.”

Tita Indie slowly nodded with a smile. “Oh, kaya pala pinakuha ni Sandro si Blaze.”

“Ah, napansin po kasi ni Sandro na magcocollapse na ako sa init,” I said in a lighthearted tone.

“Ang init nga sa labas,” Tita Indie agreed. “Hindi man lang naisip ni Sandro na naiinitan din ang tatay niya.

I just laughed awkwardly.

“I just remembered,” Tita Indie said, “You mentioned na gusto mong puntahan iyong greenhouse?”

I quickly nodded. “Yes, Tita.”

“Gusto mong pumunta na?”

I looked around and saw na wala pa si Sandro. Maybe he’s still busy or may kausap pa siya. It’s weird naman if sabihin ko kay Tita na hintayin pa namin si Sandro. It’s not like we’re stuck at the hip and wouldn’t be able to function kapag wala iyong isa.

“Okay, Tita,” I replied.

We walked over together. Malapit lang iyong greenhouse sa bahay—as if Tito Sancho didn’t want Tita Indie to suffer walking papunta doon. They’re so cute! Every time I’d look at Tito Sancho and Tita Indie, they’re remind me that when it comes to love, it’s never too late. Kaya ayokong magmadali. Because when it’s meant to be, it will come to you. And I don’t mind waiting for a love like theirs—calm and reassuring. Kind of like a cold breeze in a warm summer night.

The greenhouse was bigger than I expected—and I didn’t even know what I was expecting… but it’s Tito Sancho. He’s like generally quiet but does big gestures like this—kagaya nung pagbili niya ng car and house for Sandro for his graduation gift. I couldn’t believe that Sandro’s already a home-owner in the US and may sarili din siyang penthouse condo sa Manila. It’s like wherever he is, he’ll always have a home.

“Ang ganda dito, Tita,” I said, genuinely awed sa dami ng plants and may mga flowers na rin na nagbbloom. Mom would definitely want to visit here!

“Thank you.” She smiled and started showing me around, explaining what everything was. Roses, orchids, some vegetables, herbs. She was learning to cross-breed different varieties, trying to create new colors. Super interesting!

“I’m glad you came,” she said suddenly.

I looked at her and smiled. “Me too, Tita.”

“Mukhang okay na kayo ni Sandro doon sa UPLB.”

I smiled. “Medyo, Tita. It was kind of hard to adjust in the beginning, but I think we’re okay na,” I replied.

The first few weeks were admittedly shaky… It was hard to adjust in an environment where I knew no one. Sandro’s there but still, it was scary. I tried to fit in and it was so hard to try to make everyone like you.

Because… not everyone will like me—the same way I shouldn’t force myself to like everyone around me.

It sucked but… it’s the truth.

Until now, mahirap pa rin sa aking mag-adjust but I’ll get there. I had all the time in the world.

“May friends na ba si Sandro doon?”

“Yup. He’s close with Miguel and Marc, I think. They play frisbee,” I told her. “Hindi po ba naku-kwento ni Sandro?”

Tita Indie laughed. “Alam mo naman na tahimik ’yon,” she said.

I just laughed because I knew that Sandro’s quiet to most people.

To reassure Tita Indie, I told her that Sandro’s found himself a group of friends. I mean, I didn’t know if he’s really friends kina Rachel, but he did hang with them often… And knowing Sandro, he wouldn’t be around them if he truly found them unbearable, so there’s some truth to my statement na may friends siya.

“Ikaw? Okay ka naman?”

I nodded with a smile. “Yup. I’m good, Tita. I have some friends… and Sandro’s there.”

Tita Indie smiled. “I’m glad you two have each other.”

Me, too.

I knew that whatever happens, I’ll always have him in my corner—and that was very reassuring.

---

By the time na naglalakad na kami pabalik, the sun wasn’t scorching anymore. Thank god dahil magcocollapse na talaga ako. While walking back, I was actually arranging a schedule kung kailan pwede pumunta dito because I really wanted to show mom the greenhouse. Tita Indie said we’re welcome anytime naman.

Nang maka-balik na kami, we immediately spotted Sandro who was standing by the porch, and kitang-kita ko agad iyong kunot ng noo niya.

“Where were you?” he asked.

Natawa ako. “Greenhouse?” I replied. Why did he suddenly sound like my dad?

Tita Indie laughed, too. “For a second, I thought I was seeing and hearing Sancho,” she said.

“I know, Tita!” I agreed. “I told you, Sandro, kamukhang-kamukha mo si Tito Sancho!”

“Parang pinagbiyak na buko,” Tita Indie said. “Ni hindi man lang lumaban ang genes ni Lyana.”

Oh… I couldn’t even begin to imagine how Sandro would look like if he’s got Tita Lyana’s features, as well.

When we got inside the house, magkasalubong pa rin iyong mga kilay ni Sandro.

“Are you upset?” I asked.

“I was calling,” he said.

I grabbed my phone from my pocket. “Oh…” I said when I saw he had three missed calls and two texts. “Sorry. My phone’s on mute,” I continued. He still looked upset. “Naka-mute siya since we arrived. I thought I’d go semi-offline muna so I can enjoy our time here,” I added.

Napa-tingin si Sandro sa akin. Nabawasan iyong kunot sa noo niya. I pursed my lips to stop myself from smiling because it’s so easy to coax him. I hope he never changes.

I told Sandro that I’d take a shower first and then nap. It’s been a long day kahit morning pa lang! I retired in my room. After my power nap, lumabas ako sa room. I knocked on Sandro’s door but he wasn’t responding, so maybe he wasn’t there. I went downstairs and then I was told that Sandro’s at the stables.

Naglakad ako papunta doon. I immediately saw Sandro near one of the stables. He was—okay, why was he half-naked again?! Kailangan ba talaga na wala siyang shirt kapag nagpapaligo siya ng kabayo?! It wasn’t some shirtless activity!

I stood from a distance.

I didn’t know if I should walk away… but then again, why would I walk away? It wasn’t as if he’s doing something illegal.

But if I stayed… and watched…

Why the hell was I watching?

And why was I talking about watching like I’d be watching some R-rated movie?

It’s just literally Sandro bathing the horses—given that he’s topless and only wearing maong pants and wet—

Oh, my god.

I needed to get it together.

I took a breath and walked over.

Act normal. Be normal. This was normal.

“Hey,” I said bago pa niya mapansin na nandito din ako. It’d be more awkward if he noticed that I’d been standing here for a while without saying anything.

Sandro looked at my direction with a surprised look on his face. “Kanina ka pa?”

I immediately shook my head—I got dizzy sa bilis ng pag-iling ko. “Nope. Kakadating ko lang.”

Bahagyang kumunot iyong noo niya. “Oh. Okay,” he said. “You want to do anything?” he asked. “I’m almost done.”

“Nope. Take your time.”

Sandro nodded. He continued to bathe Blaze habang naka-sandal lang ako sa isang gilid. I wanted to avert my gaze, but I figured since he’s busy with what he’s doing, maybe I should take this time to get myself used to this… whatever this was.

So, I stared and watched Sandro while he’s half-naked and wet and his back muscles flexing while he’s doing whatever he’s doing. Yup. This was normal. Hindi lang ako sanay na may muscles na siya. Maybe I should ask Kallie to sched another beach trip para makita ko rin sila Lucho na may abs. That would fix my dilemma. I needed exposure therapy.

“San sila Tito?” I asked, trying to make conversation that didn’t involve thinking about his abs.

“Bayan,” Sandro replied. “They said that we shouldn’t wait for them for dinner.”

“Oh.”

Sandro continued washing Blaze, running the brush along the horse’s side, and I tried very hard to look at the horse and not at Sandro’s back muscles moving under his skin.

I felt like a creep.

“You okay?” Sandro asked, glancing at me.

“Yeah!” Medyo napa-lakas iyong boses ko. “Why?”

“You’re quiet.”

“I’m always quiet.”

“No, you’re not.”

“That’s not true,” I said. “Compared to you, madaldal ako.”

He laughed, and I felt myself relax slightly. Okay. This was fine. This was us. Normal.

“Do you want to help?” he asked. I immediately nodded. “Here,” Sandro said, handing me the hose. “Hold this for a second. I need to grab the towel.”

I took the hose—of course I did, because saying no would be weird—and stood there holding it while water sprayed onto Blaze. Sandro walked past me to grab a towel from a nearby hook, and I made the mistake of glancing at him.

Water was still dripping down his chest. His jeans were soaked and sitting low on his hips. His hair was wet and messy and—

“Lily, the hose.”

“What?”

“You’re spraying me.”

I looked down. The hose had somehow shifted and was now spraying directly at Sandro instead of the horse. Agad na nanlaki iyong mga mata ko.

“Oh, my god, sorry!” I quickly redirected it, but the damage was done. He was even more wet now. Oh, my god talaga!

“It’s fine,” he said, laughing and wiping water from his face.

“Sorry,” I said again, mortified.

“Really, it’s fine.” He came back over and took the hose from me. “Maybe I shouldn’t have given you that.”

“I can hold a hose!”

“Clearly.”

“Shut up.”

He grinned, and I wanted to die.

Sandro finished rinsing Blaze and turned off the water. He grabbed the towel and started drying the horse down, and I just stood there because leaving now would be suspicious. Kahit na gustung-gusto ko na umalis to save myself from further embarrassment.

“What do you want to do for dinner?” Sandro asked after a moment.

“I don’t know. Whatever you want,” I replied and Sandro just nodded but I was pretty sure he’d ask the cook to make something that I like.

Pagbalik namin sa may bahay, Sandro excused himself because he wanted to take a bath. I told him that I’d just hang around the kitchen. While I was there, I was told na birthday nung isa sa mga workers. Sandro and I were invited, so of course I said yes.

I immediately headed upstairs. Naka-salubong ko si Sandro na kaka-tapos lang maligo. His hair’s still a bit wet from the shower, but he smelled so good—like freshly out of the shower kind of good.

“Sandro,” I said.

“What?” he asked, his forehead slightly creased.

“We’re invited sa birthday ni Cecil,” I said. “I said yes. But my problem is we don’t have any gifts to give!”

Sandro’s lips parted before a smile appeared on his face. “Oh. I thought—” he said. “Do you want to go to the bayan?” he asked.

I pursed my lips. He sounded so conyo. “May bukas pa ba na stores?”

He looked at his watch. “Yeah, I think so, as long as we leave now.”

“Oh, okay, let’s go, then.”

Sandro grabbed the keys of the 4x4. We went to the parking and I’d always be so amazed na ang dami nilang sasakyan—Tito Sancho said different cars for different needs—or whatever rich people say.

Sandro’s hair quickly dried because of the afternoon air. Pagdating namin sa bayan, I immediately noticed some people looking at us. I just gave them a small smile if our eyes met. We got out of the car. Sandro wasn’t too worried to leave the car there because his family’s kind of a big deal here. I doubted if anyone would even dare.

We began to walk around the market. We looked like kids here. Sandro was wearing a gray cargo shorts, white shirt, and slippers, while I basically wore the same outfit. I didn’t know what to buy for Cecil, but she’s the same age as Saffie naman, so I’ll just buy what I think Saff will like.

“Oh, shit,” I said. Napa-tingin agad sa akin si Sandro. I pursed my lips. Hindi nga pala siya sanay na nagmumura ako… minsan. “I didn’t bring any cash…” I told him. Sandro grabbed his wallet and handed it to me. I looked at him and blinked. I thought he’d give me some cash, but he really just handed me his wallet.

I opened his wallet and smiled to myself when I saw na iyong picture doon ay iyong picture pa rin nila ni Tita Lyana nung elementary graduation niya. He’s such a cute kid.

“Thank you,” I said as I handed him back his wallet. Sandro just nodded.

After paying for the handbag, we also bought a cake for Cecil. After non, bumalik na ulit kami sa may hacienda. It was already dark when we got back, so we decided na doon na dumiretso. We handed our gifts to the birthday girl. I chuckled to myself because she blushed when Sandro handed her the cake. Lahat ata ng babae dito may crush sa kanya—I mean, basically the same sa UPLB. It’s sometimes weird when I’d hear people talking about Sandro. Hindi man nila sabihin iyong name, alam ko na na si Sandro iyong pinag-uusapan nila—iyong pogi daw na mahirap i-approach dahil may suot palagi na wired earphones.

We were immediately given food tapos later on, pina-inom si Sandro. He looked at me like he was asking for permission and I just shrugged. It’s his liver.

He was given lambanog and a few minutes later, his whole face and ears were red. He was so cute! I took a few photos as he progressively went redder. After a while, when Sandro was visibly quite drunk already, I told them that we’re leaving na. They helped me get Sandro in the jeep.

“Gusto niyo po ipagdrive ko kayo?”

“No, no, it’s fine po,” I told them. “I can drive naman. Enjoy lang po kayo.”

I stared at Sandro whose eyes were closed. I checked that his seatbelt was fastened. I chuckled to myself. He’s so cute.

The walk from the parking to the house was a struggle! I always knew that Sandro’s bigger than me pero mas mahirap magbuhat ng lasing na tao. I struggled to get him to the house. I didn’t want to ask for help kasi medyo gabi na and people were already resting.

“Oh, my god,” I said as I finally dropped him on his bed, face-first. I stared at him and then drew a deep breath before I flipped him over. Wow, he’s so heavy! I sighed and walked over to pull off his slippers for him because apparently I was a saint.

As I was doing that, my eyes drifted to his nightstand. Photos. Several of them, in frames, lined up neatly. The first photo was a family shot—Sandro with Tita Lyana and Tito Sancho. This was his graduation—iyong unang napuntahan ni Tito Sancho. Sandro looked so happy. The second was more recent—Sandro with Tito Sancho and Tita Indie.

And then there’s another photo.

It was me and Sandro.

Just the two of us.

I picked up the frame, staring at it.

We were younger—maybe fifteen? I was wearing a yellow dress, and Sandro was in a white button-up shirt. We were standing close together, smiling. I didn’t even recognize the background. I didn’t even remember this photo being taken. But here it was. On Sandro’s nightstand. With his family photos.

Why?

Why would he keep this here? Why frame it? Why put it next to photos of his parents?

What did that—

“Lily.”

I jumped and quickly put the frame back down. Sandro had rolled over and was looking at me with half-closed eyes.

“Sorry,” I said quickly. “I was just—I’m leaving na. You should sleep.”

“Don’t leave.”

“Sandro, you need to rest—”

He reached out and grabbed my wrist.

“Sandro—”

He pulled.

Hard.

I lost my balance completely and fell onto the bed next to him.

“Sandro!” I tried to push myself up, but before I could, his arms wrapped around me, pulling me back against his chest. “What are you—Sandro.”

“No,” he mumbled, his face pressed against my hair. “Don’t leave.”

“You’re drunk.”

“Stay. Please.”

His arms tightened around my waist, and suddenly I was very aware of how close we were. His chest against my back. His arms wrapped completely around me. His breath on my neck. My heart started racing.

“Sandro, seriously, I need to—”

“You always leave,” he said quietly, his words slightly slurred but clear enough.

“I’m not leaving. I’m just going to my room—”

“That’s leaving,” he murmured. I felt his breath against my nape.

“I can’t sleep here,” I said.

“Hmm…” he just murmured. Why was I even having a conversation with a clearly drunk person?

Instead of wasting my breath, I just let him be. I waited for him to relax. For his arms to loosen. For him to drift off so I could slip away.

But it never happened.

He held on.

His breathing eventually evened out, becoming slow and steady, but his arms stayed locked around me. Every time I tried to move even slightly, they’d tighten automatically, even though he was clearly asleep.

I gave up.

I lay there in the dark, in Sandro’s arms, in his bed, staring at the wall.

My heart was beating so fast that falling asleep wasn’t even an option. 

---

This story is already at Chapter 22 at patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at $3 per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 12

I woke up to the sound of my alarm—except I didn’t really wake up dahil hindi rin talaga ako naka-tulog. I’d been lying there the entire night, staring at the wall, hyperaware of every single point where Sandro’s body touched mine. His chest against my back. His arms wrapped around my waist. His breath on my neck, warm and steady. The weight of him behind me, solid and real and impossible to ignore.

Impossible to ignore.

Every time I tried to move—even just to shift slightly because my arm was falling asleep or my neck was getting stiff—his grip would tighten automatically. Like even unconscious, he was determined to keep me there. So after the third or fourth attempt, I just gave up and lay there, perfectly still, counting the hours. I listened to Sandro’s breathing, slow and even behind me. I felt my heart racing in my chest, beating so fast and so loud I was sure he could hear it.

This was insane.

This was absolutely insane.

I kept trying to convince myself it was normal. Friends cuddled. Heck, Kallie and I cuddled all the time during sleepovers! This wasn’t weird. Definitely not weird.

I should probably cuddle with Laslo or Lucho next time.

Tsk. Kailangan ko talaga ng exposure therapy!

Because the way my skin felt hot everywhere Sandro touched me? The way I couldn’t stop being aware of how much bigger he was—how his body basically surrounded mine, how I felt small and protected and trapped all at the same time? The way my heart wouldn’t stop pounding, no matter how many times I told myself to calm down?

I… was making this weird.

Yup. I was the problem.

I breathed in relief nang mag-alarm iyong cellphone ko. Finally, a reason to leave and push him away! I was exhausted and wired and desperate to get out of this bed.

Agad na inabot ko iyong cellphone ko at saka mabilis na pinatay iyong alarm.

“Sandro,” I said quietly. “Sandro, wake up.” He stirred behind me, making a sound that was half-groan, half-protest. His arms loosened slightly but didn’t let go. “Sandro, I need to get up,” I repeated.

“Hmm?” His voice was rough with sleep, and I felt it vibrate through his chest against my back.

Don’t think about that.

Don’t think about how that feels.

“Time to wake up,” I said.

“What time is it?”

“Seven.”

He groaned. “Too early.”

“I’m hungry,” I told him. “Hindi ako naka-kain nang maayos sa may birthday last night.”

He was quiet for a moment, and I thought maybe he’d fallen back asleep. But then his arms slowly loosened, and he rolled onto his back. “Okay,” he mumbled.

Finally .

Mabilis na tumayo ako mula sa kama. Halos matumba ako dahil sa pagmamadali ko.

“Thanks,” I said, not looking at him, definitely not looking at the nightstand with those photos, just grabbing my phone and heading straight for the door. “See you at breakfast.”

I didn’t wait for a response.

I didn’t let myself look back.

I just left.

---

Pagbalik ko sa kwarto, mabilis na sinara ko iyong pinto. I leaned against the door, finally letting myself breathe properly… or at least I tried to breathe properly because…

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god, what the hell was that?

What the hell was last night?!

My heart was still racing. My skin still felt hot where he’d touched me. I could still feel the ghost of his arms around my waist, his breath on my neck. It was as if I could recall everything that happened last night dahil hindi ako naka-tulog—not even for a damn second!

Ang sakit ng ulo ko.

Mukhang magkaka-sakit yata talaga ako.

I walked away from the door and sat on my bed, putting my face in my hands. This was fine. Everything was fine. He was drunk. I stayed because he asked me to and he wouldn’t let go and I’m his friend and that’s what friends do. Nothing weird about it. I probably also asked the same thing kina Kallie o sa mga pinsan ko kapag lasing ako dati… So, really, there’s nothing weird about this. Just drunk people doing drunk things.

Except I couldn’t stop my hands from shaking.

Except I couldn’t stop replaying the whole night in my head—him pulling me onto the bed, wrapping his arms around me, burying his face in my hair, saying you always leave in that sad, quiet voice.

I looked at my bed—perfectly made, completely untouched… because I slept in Sandro’s bed.

Shit.

Why was I acting so weird about it?!

I just wanted to lie down. I was so tired. I’d been up all night. I’d pulled all-nighters before but never like this—I had never felt so… tired… so exhausted… kahit wala naman akong ginawa kung hindi ang mahiga sa tabi ni Sandro. So, I closed my eyes, to at least try to sleep, but even before I could pretend to fall asleep, naka-rinig ako ng pagkatok sa pintuan.

“Lily,” a house help called. “Baba ka na. Naka-handa na iyong umagahan.”

I groaned. Of course. Umaga na nga pala.

I sighed and stood up. No sleep for me, apparently.

Mabilis akong nagbihis. Naghilamos din ako and applied a very light makeup—to at least try to hide the fact na hindi pa ako nakaka-tulog.

I stared at myself in the mirror. I still looked tired, but not as tired as I felt. Good enough.

Pagbaba ko, agad na nakita ko sina Tito Sancho and Tita Indie. I was about to look around for Sandro when he suddenly appeared beside me. I turned my head to look at him and my forehead creased. He… also looked terrible. There were dark circles under his eyes. His hair was messy, like he’d just run his hands through it a few times instead of actually combing it. His face was slightly pale.

But that didn’t make sense.

He fell asleep almost immediately last night. He slept through the entire night while I lay there awake, panicking. Bakit mas mukhang puyat pa siya sa akin? Or was this his ‘hungover’ face?

“Good morning,” I said to everyone.

“Good morning, Lily,” Tita Indie said cheerfully. “Kumusta ang tulog?”

“Okay naman po, Tita,” I lied.

“Ikaw, Sandro?” Tito Sancho asked, looking at his son with concern. “Okay ka lang ba? You look tired.”

“I’m fine, Dad. Just a little hungover,” Sandro replied. Oh… I must’ve been right. Hindi lang ako sanay sa ganitong itsura ni Sandro because he’s always been put together, so this… kind of dishevelled look was throwing me off a bit.

“Hungover?” Tita Indie laughed. “Pinainom ka ba kagabi?”

Sandro nodded. “Pero konti lang naman,” he said.

“Ano’ng ininom niyo?” Tita Indie asked.

“Lambanog,” Sandro laughed as he reached for the cup of black coffee. He began to sip the coffee. I didn’t even know why I was watching his every movement when he was just drinking coffee.

“No wonder you look like that.”

Tito Sancho looked serious. “Sure you’re feeling okay?”

“Yeah, Dad. I’m fine. Just felt a little tipsy last night, pero I remember everything naman.”

I froze.

My fork stopped halfway to my mouth.

Agad na napa-tingin ako kay Sandro because… why did he have to answer Tito Sancho’s question like that? Tito Sancho didn’t even ask about that! Why did he have to specifically mention that he remembered everything that happened last night?

What did that even mean?

Did he remember pulling me onto the bed? Did he remember holding me all night? Did he remember saying don’t leave, you always leave, I missed you so much ?

Everything?

“Okay,” Tito Sancho said. “Kung masama pa rin ang pakiramdam mo, matulog ka muna ulit after breakfast.”

“Yeah, but I’m fine,” Sandro said. “I just have a headache now.”

The conversation moved on—something about the fiesta, about people Tito Sancho ran into in town yesterday, about plans for the day—but I couldn’t focus on any of it.

I just kept hearing Sandro’s voice saying I remember everything .

My mind was racing, replaying the entire night in flashes.

Him grabbing my wrist. Pulling me onto the bed. His arms wrapping around me. His face buried in my hair. His voice, slightly slurred but clear— you always leave. Don’t leave. Stay. Please.

The way he held on, even in sleep. The way his arms would tighten every time I tried to move.

If he remembered all of that—

If he was awake for any of that—

“Lily?”

I blinked and looked up.

Tita Indie was watching me with concern.

“Okay ka lang?”

I quickly nodded. “Yup, I’m okay po. Sorry po, Tita.” I forced myself to take a bite. “I’m just a little tired from yesterday.”

“Okay… If masama rin ang pakiramdam mo, matulog at magpahinga muna kayo at baka matuloy pa sa pagkaka-sakit.”

I nodded again. “Okay, Tita, will do.”

As soon as breakfast was over, I stood up quickly. I used the excuse that Tita Indie gave me and also told them that I needed to do some reading since pagbalik namin sa UPLB, finals season na agad and then shortly after, Christmas break naman. Ang bilis ng panahon.

As soon as Tito Sancho and Tita Indie gave me a nod, I practically ran back to my room. I didn’t even look at Sandro’s direction—heck, we’ve been together all night! I looked at him enough!

But even as I was practically sprinting away, it was as if I could feel his eyes on me. I ignored those feelings. I was just feeling weird because I was making it weird! And once inside, I closed the door and leaned against it, breathing hard like I’d just sprinted a mile.

Okay.

Okay, this was fine.

I was going to study. I was going to focus on my readings and my notes and preparing for finals, and I was not going to think about last night or about Sandro saying he remembered everything or about the way my heart wouldn’t stop pounding every time I thought about his arms around me.

Mabilis na kinuha ko iyong laptop ko. I checked the announcements and syllabus and began reading the available reviewers. I tried so hard to get myself to focus when it was easier to let my thoughts drift back to last night, to how he held me—

Yup.

I needed to stop.

Clearly, the heat here in the hacienda has gotten to my brain.

I tried once again, but I read the same paragraph five times without absorbing any of it. I felt like at this point, I was just wasting time and energy dahil wala naman akong naiintindihan sa mga binabasa ko.

All I could think about was Sandro.

If he remembered everything, why wasn’t he acting weird? Why was he sitting there at breakfast acting completely normal, talking about his headache, having casual conversations with his dad? Maybe he didn’t think it was a big deal. Maybe for him, it really was just a drunk friend being clingy and me being a good friend by staying.

Maybe I really was the only one making this weird.

I put my face in my hands and groaned.

This was so stupid.

Even if he did remember the hug—so what? Friends hug. Friends comfort each other when they are drunk and sad. Kallie and I literally cuddled while watching movies. This wasn’t different.

But it felt different.

Everything felt different now, and I didn’t know how to make it stop.

I forced myself to read my notes again—this time, I made a pact with myself that whenever my thoughts would drift towards Sandro, I’d pinch myself. And it hurt! Kaya after a while, I was able to focus… well, at least it didn’t take five times before ko ma-absorb iyong mga binabasa ko.

My phone buzzed at some point—the family group chat. Mom asking kung kailan ako babalik, Dad also asking kung kailan ako babalik, Saffie complaining that I didn’t bring her here with me, and Sage just basically there para mag-seen ng mga messages. I replied quickly, telling them na didiretso na ako sa UPLB and I’ll see them sa Christmas break na.

After my quick phone break, I went back to studying and this time, it was easier because as I was reading through the syllabus, there was this frightening realization na mas mabigat iyong mga aaralin namin for finals and there was actually no room for me para mag-inarte o ma-distract!

Well, that was very effective—effective talaga ang fear to inspire me.

---

Around 2PM, there was a knock on my door. I stretched as I walked para buksan iyong pinto. Pagbukas ko, nakita ko na isa sa mga kasambahay iyong nandon. She was holding a tray of food with her. Agad na napa-kunot ang noo ko.

“Ah… naglunch na po pala,” I said, fully realizing what time it was. “Akala ko po tatawagin ako para bumaba.”

“Sabi ni Sandro na dalhan ka na lang dito,” she said. “Sabi niya nag-aaral ka daw.”

My lips parted, and my chest tightened for some reason.

I thought that myself, that I’d rest and that I’d study, but for some reason, it didn’t sit well with me… kasi bakit hindi niya ako tinawag? And bakit si ate iyong nagdala ng food? Was it because earlier, I basically run away from him? And now, he won’t even bring me my food?

And I was annoyed that I was annoyed.

Because I was avoiding him.

And all I could think about was Sandro… probably thinking that I was avoiding him… and if what he said was true that he remembered last night, was he thinking that I was avoiding him because of that?

Halos hindi ako naka-kain nang maayos. I felt so guilty because why was I punishing him for something like this? Because so what if he held me the entire night? Was that a crime? Hindi naman… And somehow… I played a part in it, too. Kasi kung gusto ko talagang umalis, I knew I could’ve found a way out.

I needed to stop acting like a child.

Mabilis akong bumaba. I asked kung nasaan si Sandro and they said na nasa labas daw. Well, that was very helpful since ang laki ng hacienda and labas meant literally anywhere! I walked around the side of the house and found him.

Sandro was sitting under one of the big trees, cross-legged in the grass, hunched over a guitar. He was wearing a plain white t-shirt and shorts, and his hair was falling into his eyes as he stared down at his hands on the fretboard, concentrating.

He played a chord. Stopped. Adjusted his fingers. Tried again.

I stopped walking and just watched.

There was something about seeing him like this—focused and absorbed and completely unaware that anyone was watching—that made my chest feel tight.

How many versions of Sandro were there that I still didn’t know?

How many things about him was I still discovering, even after knowing him my entire life?

Akala ko kilala ko na siya… apparently not. There were still sides of him that I didn’t know.

He tried another chord, and this one sounded better. He smiled to himself, pleased, and tried to transition to the next one. It didn’t work. His fingers fumbled. The sound came out wrong.

“Shit,” he muttered, and I almost laughed.

I watched him for another minute, and then I walked over.

He looked up, and his eyes widened slightly. Surprised. Like he’d known I was avoiding him since this morning and hadn’t expected to see me. That guilty feeling twisted in my stomach again.

“Kanina ka pa?” he asked, holding the guitar close to his chest like it was some kind of emotional support.

“You know how to play?” I asked.

He looked down at the guitar at mabilis na umiling. “Not really. It’s my dad’s. I was bored, so I was just… trying.”

“Bored? Ang daming pwedeng gawin dito.”

“Yeah, but…” He looked up at me, and there was something in his expression I couldn’t quite read. “I wanna do them with you.”

The words hit me like a punch to the gut. Everything around us seemed to go quiet. I stared at him, and he stared back, and I felt like I was seeing something clearly for the first time. It didn’t matter how big the world was. It didn’t matter how many places Sandro could go, how many things he could do, how many people he could be with.

He wanted me there.

He always wanted me there.

Not because he needed someone, anyone, to fill the space. But because he wanted me specifically. My presence. My company. Me.

Something in my chest shifted, rearranged, settled into a new shape I didn’t have a name for yet.

“Oh,” I said quietly, and my voice came out softer than I meant it to. “Sorry. Na-busy lang ako sa pagrereview,” I simply added… because when he says things like that, hindi ko alam palagi kung ano ang dapat kong sabihin.

He always knew how to render me speechless.

I sat down next to him, close enough that our shoulders almost touched.

“So,” I said, trying to sound normal even though my heart was doing that racing thing again. “Hindi ka talaga sanay mag-gitara?”

Umiling siya. “Not really musically inclined,” he replied. “I was just messing around.”

I nodded. “Same,” I said. “Wala atang musically inclined sa family namin,” I added because Dad would also always tease mom tungkol sa pagkanta. He once told us that he caught mom singing in the shower… I didn’t believe him because I simply couldn’t imagine Charisse Borromeo singing in the shower.

“You wanna try?” he asked.

I shrugged. “Okay,” I said.

He handed me the guitar, and I held it awkwardly, not sure where to put my hands.

“Wait, like this,” Sandro said, reaching over to adjust how I was holding it. His hands on mine, positioning my fingers on the fretboard. “I think this is the C chord.”

“Ganito?” I asked when his fingers left mine.

He moved closer, reaching around me to adjust my hand position again, and suddenly he was right there, his chest against my shoulder, his face near mine as he looked down at where my fingers were on the strings.

I forgot how to breathe.

“I think it should be like this,” he was saying, and I could feel his voice rumbling through his chest against my back. “Youtube also said that you have to press hard.”

“Nag-youtube ka?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you just ask Tito Sancho to teach you?”

“No way,” he quickly said like there’s no way na magpapa-turo siya sa dad niya.

I laughed a little. “Why not? Pwede niyong bonding.”

“We can bond over other things,” he repeated.

Napa-iling na lang ako na natatawa.

Sandro, bless him, really tried to teach me kahit obvious na hindi rin niya masyadong alam iyong ginagawa niya… I think we struggled more than learned, but it was fun… He was right when he said that he’s having fun whenever he’s with me because I felt the same. It’s always fun when it’s with him—kahit na madalas akong nag-o-overthink dahil sa mga ginagawa at sinasabi niya lately.

“Ang hirap pala nito,” I said as I handed him back the guitar. Yup. Dad was right—walang naka-kuha ng any musical genes sa pamilya namin.

Sandro held the guitar once again. I watched as he tried on different chords. He looked… natural. Probably because whatever he did, he’s just naturally good at them. But as I looked at him, there was this gnawing feeling inside me… because he said that he wanted to try everything with me.

Did that mean na marami pa siyang bagay na hindi nagagawa dahil sa akin?

Did he really mean it?

Just like today… when he literally could’ve been doing anything… but instead he was just sitting here dahil nasa kwarto ako at iniiwasan siya?

“Anything on my face?” he asked when he caught me staring.

Mabilis na umiling ako. “N-nope,” I said as I tried to gather myself. “Just lost in thoughts.”

Sandro nodded. “Christmas break,” bigla niyang sabi.

“What about it?”

“What are your plans?”

“Oh. We’re going to Japan, actually.”

His face changed. Just slightly. A flicker of something—disappointment?—before he covered it with a neutral expression.

“Oh. That’s cool. For how long?”

“Two weeks. We leave right after magstart ’yung break.”

“The whole break?”

“Yup,” I replied. “Sabay din kasi ’yung break nila Saffie sa school and naka-plan na rin ’yung leave nila Dad sa work.

He nodded, looking down and strumming on the guitar. “Oh. Okay.”

We fell into silence again, and I could feel something heavy hanging in the air between us.

“What about you?” I asked. “What are you doing for Christmas?”

“Don’t know yet. Probably Manila with Mom for Christmas and then here for New Year.”

“That’s good,” I replied.

He still looked sad, and I felt bad for some reason. Like I was abandoning him by going to Japan for the holidays. Which was ridiculous. We didn’t always spend every Christmas together. Our families did their own things. And he should also spend his holidays with his family. Palagi naman kaming magkasama sa UPLB.

“Hey,” I said. “It’s only two weeks. We’ll be back before you know it.”

Why was I coaxing him? It wasn’t as if I’d leave—

Oh.

Why was I again remembering him from last night? Him telling me not to leave him?

“I know.”

But he still looked disappointed, and I wanted to fix it somehow. “What pasalubong do you want?” I asked, trying to lighten the mood. “Do you want matcha?”

He looked at me for a moment, his expression unreadable.

“Just send pictures,” he said finally.

“I’ll post on Instagram naman. You’ll see everything. Or at least I think Saffie will document literally everything.”

“No,” he said, and there was something intense in his voice that made me pause. “Not Instagram. Send them to me.”

My lips parted.

I stared at him, trying to understand what he meant.

“Via iMessage,” he said. “Personally.”

Hindi agad ako naka-sagot.

“Oh,” I said quietly after a while—after I let my heart pacify inside my chest kasi heto na naman siya sa mga sinasabi niya. “Okay.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“All of them. The random ones. The stupid ones. Everything.”

“Okay,” I repeated once again.

We looked at each other, and I felt like there was something huge hanging in the air between us, something neither of us knew how to name—or at least I didn’t know what to name. 

This story is already at Chapter 23 at patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at $3 per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 13

We were supposed to go to the town around lunchtime para maki-fiesta—at least, that was the plan. Wake up, have breakfast, get ready, head to the town for the day. Check out the food stalls, watch the parade, maybe see the street dancing competition na sinasabi ni Tita Indie.

I mean… wasn’t that the exact reason why we decided to extend our stay? Kasi gusto naming maki-fiesta sa bayan?

Except just this morning, I woke up to tons of notification—I literally felt chills run down my spine as I saw the barrage of notifications.

I didn’t even know if I should be annoyed… or grateful, perhaps? Kasi ngayon lang nila binigay lahat ng homeworks? Na isang bagsakan? I mean, at the very least, I was able to enjoy the first few days in peace…

Yup. That’s how I should view the situation because otherwise, I’d be so stressed. Because as I stared at my phone screen, my stress levels already spiked more and more.

I just needed to take a deep breath… or two… or maybe three.

I needed to study.

I had enough time—that was what I kept on saying myself because I’d lose it otherwise.

I quickly washed my face para magising ako since mukhang magiging mahaba ang araw na ’to. After that, I went downstairs for breakfast and found Sandro already at the table, looking at his laptop with a similar expression of dread.

“Assignments?” I asked, sitting down. I mean, I figured as much since ngayon ko lang nakita si Sandro na may laptop sa table. He’s usually just discussing stuff with Tito Sancho kapag sa dining table kami.

“Yes,” he said, not even throwing me a glance. I didn’t know but I felt relieved! At least I wasn’t the only one suffering!

“Same,” I said. He finally looked at me. “I woke up with homeworks from all my subjects,” I continued as I reached for a toast and stuffed it in my mouth. “You think nag-usap lahat ng profs na today magbigay ng assignments?”

Sandro shrugged. “At least we were able to enjoy the week.”

My lips parted in surprise. “That was what I was thinking!” I said. Wow… sobra na ba kaming magkasama the past few days na same na kami ng way of thinking?

“Fiesta?” he asked suddenly. Right. Fiesta. Medyo nawala siya sa isip ko dahil nagcacalculate na talaga ako sa isip ko kung paano ko matatapos lahat ng kailangan kong gawin before the dreaded Monday comes.

I sighed. “Maybe later? If we finish agad?”

Sandro nodded. “Yeah. Okay.”

Tita Indie was disappointed when we told her we needed to study instead of going to the fiesta, but she understood. Tito Sancho asked us kung kailangan na ba naming bumalik sa UPLB. I told him it’s fine and we’ll stay here as planned. Mag-aaral lang din naman kami doon.

After breakfast, Sandro and I set up in the garden. I actually planned na sa kwarto mag-aral, but Sandro asked me kung gusto ko sa garden. He said we can set-up a table under the big trees with good shade, and it was cooler outside than in the house—which didn’t make sense kasi may aircon naman sa room ko. But whatever. Studying in the garden sounded nice, so I immediately agreed.

We sat on both ends of the table. I had my laptop, notebook, and pen.

“Okay,” I said, pulling up my first assignment. “Let’s do this.”

Napa-tingin ako kay Sandro. He looked like he was smiling but quickly stopped it when I caught him.

“What?” I asked.

“You look like you’re preparing for war,” he commented.

“Might as well!” I replied. “I just told you that I have assignments in all my subjects! Ikaw ba?”

“Just three.”

I groaned. “Unfair! Gawin mo ’yung ibang tasks ko.”

He laughed. “I’ll help you once I’m done.”

“You better,” I said, scrunching my nose. Sandro just smiled and then opened his laptop, too.

We worked in silence for a while. I thought I’d have to use my airpods kasi sanay ako na nakikinig sa static sounds to concentrate, but the sound of the wind gushing and the random birds were nice to listen to…

However, something was making it hard to concentrate.

I kept catching Sandro looking at me.

The first time, I glanced up and our eyes met, and he looked away quickly like he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t.

I mean, I’d think na nagkataon lang na naka-tingin siya sa akin if only he didn’t act so guilty!

I went back to my work—ang dami kong kailangang gawin! I needed to finish at least half today and then the other half tomorrow. I’d wake up early ng Monday to double-check iyong mga kailangan kong ipasa that day and ’yung iba, I’ll worry about them kapag isusubmit ko na sila. One at a time lang or I’d lose my freaking mind.

The second time, same thing. I looked up, he was staring, our eyes met, he looked away.

“What?” I asked because at this point, he was distracting me. I kept on thinking na may dumi ba sa mukha ko or ano ba? Why did he keep on looking at my face? Or super dali lang ba ng assignments niya na hindi niya na kailangang magconcentrate?

“Nothing.”

“You keep staring.”

“I’m not staring.”

“You literally just were.”

“I’m thinking. Just so happened that I looked in your direction while I’m thinking.”

I pursed my lips together. “Sure,” I said because if it happened one time, I’d believe him… but it kept happening. And after a while, he stopped looking away when I caught him. He’d just keep looking, like he had every right to, like it was completely normal.

And I didn’t know what to do with that. So, I just pretended not to notice. Also, marami akong kailangang aralin and I really wanted to focus on that.

---

Thankfully, Sandro got the memo… after I looked at him seriously and asked him what he wanted from me. Kasi kahit pala gaano ko sabihin na hindi ko siya papansinin at magfofocus lang ako sa binabasa ko, it wasn’t as easy. It was so distracting! So much so that I told him that if he wouldn’t stop, pupunta ako sa kwarto and told him that I’d never study with him again kasi hindi productive.

He finally stopped.

“Where are you going?” I asked nang bigla siyang tumayo after a while.

Sandro just shrugged. Instead of wondering kung ano iyong gagawin niya doon, I shifted my attention back to studying. I was re-reading a paragraph that I couldn’t quite digest nang biglang may nilapag sa harapan ko.

“Here,” biglang sabi ni Sandro. I was staring at the plate with sliced mangoes and a glass of what looked like mango shake.

“Oh… Thank you,” I said.

Sandro just nodded.

“Kumain ka sa loob?” I asked since ako lang iyong binigyan niya ng food.

Umiling siya. That was it. He didn’t elaborate further. Did that mean na pumasok lang talaga siya sa loob para kumuha ng food for me?

“What?” he asked when he caught me still staring.

And now, it was my turn to say “Nothing.”

Sandro just gave me a small nod tapos ay bumalik na rin siya sa inaaral niya.

---

“Sandro, seriously,” I said nang akmang tatayo na naman siya.

We’d been outside for a few hours already and I have finally noticed that Sandro would go back to bring me food every forty minutes. It was like clockwork. Almost like he set an alarm para alam niya kung kailan siya tatayo—didn’t even matter kung hindi ko pa ubos iyong huling pagkain na dinala niya, he’d get up to bring me food.

“What?” he asked, feigning innocence.

“You can’t possibly focus on your assignments if you keep getting up every forty minutes to bring me snacks,” I told him. At this point, hindi na ako makakapag lunch or dinner dahil sa snacks pa lang na dinadala niya, busog na ako.

“I’m focusing just fine.”

“How—”

“I do it when I’m done with a topic,” he said like he was trying to explain. “Every topic I finish, I get up and get you something. It’s my reward system.”

Agad na napaawang iyong labi ko.

“Your reward… is bringing me food?” I asked. I stared at him. For some reason, my mind wasn’t processing his words… because how could that be a reward for him?

“Yes,” he simply said—offering no further explanation.

I wanted to ask him why was that his reward… and how was that his reward… but for some reason, I was afraid to ask him. Because was I even prepared to hear the answer?

“Look, it’s fine,” I said instead. “If I’m hungry or thirsty, I can get up and get something myself. You don’t have to—”

“I know you can. I want to.”

“But—”

“Lily,” he said, immediately cutting me off. He looked at me, and there was something soft in his expression. “Let me bring you food. Okay?”

I stared at him.

“Okay,” I said quietly… like I was in daze.

And so he kept doing it. Every hour or so, he’d get up, disappear inside, come back with something.

And I realized—this was just how he was.

This was what he did.

It was like Tito Sancho with Tita Indie. The umbrella when it was hot. The water bottle. The food deliveries to my room. These small, constant gestures of care.

Maybe it was just Cantavieja genes.

Maybe the men in this family were just built this way—always doing things for the people they cared about, always making sure everyone was taken care of, always one step ahead of what you might need.

And I couldn’t fight genes… right? Ano ang magagawa ko kung ganon lang talaga siya? It’s not like I can fight the universe kung ganito talaga si Sandro. So, I stopped protesting and just accepted it. Every time Sandro brought me something, I said thank you, and I ate or drank whatever it was, and I tried not to think too hard about what it meant.

---

By 6PM, we’d both made good progress. I managed to finish all my tasks. Sandro didn’t say anything but I was certain na mas maaga siyang natapos sa akin. At one point, I accidentally caught a glimpse of his screen and he was just playing games. Kainis.

“I think that’s enough for today,” he said, closing his laptop, pretending na kakatapos niya lang din mag-aral.

“I’m so tired,” I said habang ipinatong ko iyong ulo ko sa may laptop ko. Was it possible to feel your brain pulsating? Kasi parang nararamdaman ko na talaga siya. Like at this point, I wished na sinabi na agad nila sa amin iyong assignments para at least I was able to manage time! Hindi iyong sinasaksak ko sa isip ko lahat ngayon.

Sandro didn’t say anything but he tousled my hair. That felt oddly comforting.

“Do you want to have dinner? Or skip dinner?” he asked. He was standing in front of me, and I hadn’t moved—my head still resting on my hands at my laptop.

I looked at Sandro. “There’s something I want.”

Bahagyang kumunot ang noo niya. “What?”

“Perya.”

“Perya?”

I nodded. “May ganon kapag fiesta, right?”

“I think so.”

“What do you mean you think so? Hindi ka ba pumupunta doon kapag fiesta dito?” Umiling siya. “What? Seriously?” He nodded. “What do you even do here?” Sandro just shrugged.

At this point, maybe I needed to take him seriously kapag sinasabi niya na wala siyang gustong gawin kapag hindi niya ako kasama… because it was starting to seem that way. Ang dami niyang hindi pa nagagawa dito dahil lang wala ako.

“Okay, then,” I said as I stood up. “It’s decided. Pupunta tayo sa perya.”

“But you just said you’re tired.”

“No, it’s fine,” I replied. “I’ll just take a quick shower. See you in 20 minutes,” I continued at saka kinuha ko iyong mga gamit ko at mabilis na bumalik sa bahay bago pa siya magsabi na ’wag na kami pumunta just because I happened to mention that I was tired. I mean, was I tired? Definitely! But this was our last night here, so better make the most out of it.

I took a quick shower and then quickly changed into a pair of maong shorts and a t-shirt. I didn’t want to think about my hair kaya itinali ko na lang siya. I also knew that eyes would be on us—I mean, where’s the surprise? Lagi namang may naka-tingin kay Sandro. So, I put on a little bit of makeup because I didn’t want to give people the fright kapag may nakita sila na white lady sa tabi ni Sandro.

I was prepared to apologize because it took me longer than expected, but I forgot my apologies dahil medyo nabigla ako dahil agad na nakita ko si Sandro pagbukas ko pa lang ng pinto. He was standing by the railing, just standing there, patiently waiting.

“Ready?” he asked. There was no hint of him being annoyed because I took a long time getting ready when it seemed like he’d been waiting for me. It was almost like he’s always happy to wait for me.

“Yes.”

“You sure you don’t want to have dinner?” he asked.

“Yup,” I replied since I was still full from all the snacks he delivered. “If we get hungry, for sure may food naman don.”

“Okay.”

“Did you tell Tito na pupunta tayo sa bayan?”

“I texted.”

Hinampas ko siya. “Texted? Can’t even be bothered na sabihin sa kanya ng personal?”

“What? He already replied. He’s been notified.”

“Ugh. Ewan ko sa inyong dalawa.”

---

The ride to the town was so nice. After studying and dying for an entire day, having the cold night air against my skin almost felt like a reward—lalo na nung nakarating kami doon sa may perya. Lights everywhere. Music blaring from different corners. People laughing and shouting and moving in groups. Food stalls everywhere, selling everything you could imagine. There were even fishballs! Kung hindi lang ako busog pa sa dami ng dinala ni Sandro na snacks kanina, I’d definitely buy fishballs.

I love this.

Bakit ba kasi walang province ang parents ko? We’re just from… Manila. Boring.

“You want food?” Sandro asked again.

“I’m staring to think that you’re obsessed with feeding me.”

“Well, are you hungry?”

I rolled my eyes at him. “No, I’m not yet hungry,” I said, “But there’s something I want to do.”

“What?”

“Games!” I said. “Wait, we need coins here, right?” I asked and then my eyes widened a little. “Oh. I forgot my wallet—” Napa-tigil ako sa pagsasalita dahil agad na inabot sa akin ni Sandro iyong wallet niya. I stared at him for a beat. “T-thanks,” I said habang tinatanggap ko iyong wallet niya.

Sandro was just following me around habang naghahanap ako ng place kung saan ako magpapa-palit ng cash since puro one thousand pesos iyong nasa wallet ni Sandro.

“Thanks, Ate,” I said after ko magpapalit ng one thousand pesos. I asked na bigyan din ako ng coins. I didn’t know what I was thinking when I asked na bigyan ako ng 100 pesos in coins. Napaawang iyong labi ko nang makita ko kung gaano kadami iyon. I was about to tell Ate na 50 pesos na lang pala when Sandro grabbed the coins and nilagay iyon sa bulsa niya.

“Hindi ba mabigat?” I asked.

“No, it’s fine,” he replied like it was nothing na puno ng one peso coin iyong bulsa niya. “Where do you want to start?”

“You sure?” I asked again. May bulsa din naman ako, so maybe pwede na sa akin iyong iba?

“Yes.”

I looked around. Maybe it’s better if we start playing na para mabawasan iyong barya sa bulsa ni Sandro.

“Let’s play that one,” I said, pointing to a shooting game. It was one of those stalls where you use a toy gun to shoot down small figurines lined up on shelves. Knock down enough of them, win a prize. I saw the cute stuffed toy. Naglakad kami papunta doon. The kuya manning the stall told us that it’s twenty-five pesos per round. Sandro got coins from his pocket and I counted them and saka binigay ko kay Kuya iyong payment.

“Seriously?!” I asked, annoyed because wala man lang akong tinamaan kahit isa. “What?” I asked, snapping at Sandro because I caught him laughing at my reaction.

He immediately pursed his lips. “Nothing,” he said, quickly shaking his head.

“You try it,” I said as I quickly handed him the toy gun and made him pay Kuya for another round. Tsk. Now, wala na kaming coins tuloy.

I watched as Sandro put a new magazine in the toy gun. He pointed the toy gun and without even trying to aim properly, proceeded to knock down every single figurine.

Every. Single. One.

What… the heck?

I stood there with my mouth wide open.

“What the hell, Sandro?” I asked in disbelief.

He shrugged innocently. “Beginner’s luck?”

“That was not beginner’s luck!” I said as I hit his arm. “That was—how did you do that?!”

Kuya looked surprised as he handed over a stuffed toy—a small teddy bear. Kinuha iyon ni Sandro at saka inabot sa akin.

“Here,” he said.

“Thank you,” I replied as I accepted the stuffed toy. “But seriously, how did you do that?” I asked, still super confused sa nangyari. Because… why was he so good? Beginner’s luck lang ba talaga ’yon? Beginner din naman ako! Where was my luck?

“I just aimed and shot,” he said casually.

I frowned. “Now, you’re just being annoying.”

He grinned. “You want another one?” He was already pulling out money for another round.

I scoffed. “Fine,” I said because he’s just being cocky now. Baka beginner’s luck lang talaga.

Sandro paid for another round. Knocked down every figurine again. Won another stuffed toy—this time a small panda. What the heck?!

“Sandro!”

“What?”

“Seriously?” I asked. Did he… what? Why was he so good at this? Why did he have so many hidden skills? The gym… the guitar… and now, gun? What’s with him and letter g?! “Why are you so good at that?”

“Tito Niko sometimes takes me to a shooting range,” Sandro said casually, like that was a completely normal thing to say. “He says it’s life skills.”

My lips parted. “Does your parents know?” I asked, because I was finding it hard to believe that Tita Lyana would be okay with this… Tito Sancho, yes, I can see him agreeing but Tita Lyana? No way. Baby boy pa kaya ang tingin niya kay Sandro.

Sandro immediately shook his head. “No. And don’t tell them. If they find out, Tito Niko will never take me again.”

My lips parted even wider. “You’re insane.”

“It’s fun,” he said.

“Ginawa mo pa akong kasabwat.”

Sandro smiled. “Our secret.”

I rolled my eyes. “Fine,” I said, “But can I come?”

Bahagyang nanlaki iyong mga mata niya. “Really?” he asked like he was surprised.

I nodded. “Yes. Can you ask Tito Niko for me?”

“We can just go the two of us,” he said.

“No way,” I said. “We need a grown up with us.”

“We’re not minors,” he replied.

“We’re still children!”

Napailing na natatawa na lang si Sandro. We continued to walk around the perya, playing different games. I made him try the ring toss, which he was less good at… weirdly enough. Then we played the color game—you bet on which color the wheel would land on, basic probability stuff—and I took it way too seriously.

“It’s just a game,” Sandro said, laughing at me as I calculated odds in my head.

“It’s probability. This is basically statistics. I need to optimize my chances,” I told him. Also, hindi pwede na siya lang ang panalo. I needed to be good at something!

I lost the first round. Won the second. Lost the third. By the fourth round, I was determined to break even.

Oh, my god.

Was this the justification of people who get addicted to gambling? Like one more round? And I can recoup the loss?

Oh, wow… what a realization.

“Lily, let’s move on,” Sandro said. He was smiling, but I could see it on his face that he was kind of worried about me kasi kanina pa kami nandito sa color game. I just needed to recover the one thousand pesos I made us lose!

“One more round.”

“You said that five rounds ago.”

“This time I mean it.”

I won the fourth round and finally agreed to leave… because Sandro looked like he was really stressing.

“Remind me never to bring you to a casino,” he said while we were walking away. I was hugging the three stuffed toy he won earlier.

“Shut up,” I said instead because I couldn’t hit him dahil may mga hawak ako.

“And remind yourself never to step in a casino.”

“Hater.”

Sandro just laughed and then bought us cotton candy. He got me the pink one while he got himself the blue one. He helped me hold two of the stuffed toys and we were just walking around. Finally, we stopped in a more quiet part of the perya.

“This is nice,” I said.

“Yeah.”

“Thank you.”

Napa-tingin siya sa akin. “For what?”

“For everything,” I replied. “I really enjoyed the reading break thanks to you.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, “But you don’t have to thank me.”

“I know,” I said with a small smile.

Tomorrow, we’ll be back in UPLB… and for some reason, that made me a little sad. 

This story is already at Chapter 24 at patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at $3 per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 14

“You should visit more often,” Tita Indie said as she pulled me into another hug. We were standing by the car in the driveway, our bags already loaded in the trunk. Ang daming pabaon na mga gulay at prutas nila Tito Sancho and Tita Indie. I didn’t even cook that much, but I felt so grateful that I was already planning on watching videos and doing some research to make sure na magagamit ko lahat ng binigay nila. I’ll probably end up inviting Sandro for dinner the whole week.

“Sandro should invite me more often,” I said, grinning as I pulled back from the hug.

Sandro’s head snapped toward me, eyes wide, like he was genuinely surprised kasi lagi niya naman akong inaaya. The look of surprise and betrayal on his face were priceless.

I laughed. “What? You literally invite me all the time. I’m just saying you should keep doing it,” I said with a grin.

His ears turned slightly red, but he didn’t say anything.

“You don’t need an invitation,” Tita Indie said, squeezing my hand. Her grip was warm and firm. “You’re family. You can visit anytime, kahit wala si Sandro.”

Something warm settled in my chest—this feeling of belonging, of being wanted, of being more than just Sandro’s friend who tagged along.

“You heard that?” sabi ko kay Sandro. “I don’t need you to go here,” I continued and stuck out my tongue.

“You need me,” Sandro said. “You don’t even like driving—much less drive for seven hours.”

I glared at him, but he knew me so well. The drive from Manila to Isabela would definitely kill me. I was much, much happier to be a passenger princess.

I turned my head back to Tita Indie. I walked towards her and gave her a tight hug. “Salamat po, Tita. I’ll definitely come back,” I said. “Or see you in Manila.”

Tito Sancho walked over and gave Sandro brief hug. Naka-tayo lang kami ni Tita Indie at naka-tingin sa kanila. They looked so awkward that it was cute. I was tempted to take a photo and send it to Tita Lyana, but for sure mapapansin agad ako nung mag-ama and I’d definitely ruin the moment.

Tito Sancho also said goodbye to me. I hugged Tito Sancho and thanked him for the warm welcome. Gaya ng sinabi ni Tita Indie, Tito Sancho also told me that I am welcome to visit anytime kahit wala si Sandro.

“Drive safe,” he said. “Both of you. And Sandro, text when you get there.”

“I will,” simpleng sagot ni Sandro.

We got in the car—Sandro in the driver’s seat, me in the passenger side. Agad na ibinaba ko iyong bintana—still trying to get all that fresh air bago kami mapunta sa Manila. Sandro turned the engine on. Sumilip ako sa bintana and waved at them. Tita Indie and Tito Sancho stood on the porch waving back, and I watched them get smaller and smaller as we drove down the long driveway.

When we turned onto the main road and the hacienda finally disappeared from view, I felt this weird tightness in my chest.

I was going to miss this place.

But I knew that I could always go back anytime.

---

“You should sleep,” Sandro said after we’d been driving for about an hour. I told Sandro that I can drive naman para lang makapagpahinga siya, but, as usual, he said he’s fine. “I know you’ll have to study once we get back to UPLB.”

I groaned. “I know,” sabi ko. “But you’ll have to study, too, right?” I said, adjusting my seat but not actually reclining kasi for sure aantukin ako. Hindi agad siya sumagot. “What? You’re done na sa homeworks mo?!”

Mabilis na umiling si Sandro. “No, no, definitely not done yet. I still have a lot to do.”

I eyed him. “Talaga?”

“Yes. Basically drowning,” he said. I couldn’t tell if he’s lying to just make me feel better that I wasn’t the only one drowning, and if so, it’s working.

“So, we should suffer the same.”

He glanced at me, a small smile tugging at his lips. “Definitely.”

Patingin-tingin si Sandro sa gawi ko. I was trying to fight a yawn by pinching my nose and pursing my lips. And every time he’d tell me that it’s okay to sleep, I’d glare at him.

To fight the sleepiness away, I played a podcast about true crimes.

“Seriously… it’s almost always the husband,” I couldn’t help but comment. “I’m starting to think that it’s better not to get married.”

Sandro’s head quickly turned my way. “What?”

“I mean,” I began as I did a quick google search on my phone. “See? A third of female homicides are perpetrated by intimate partners! The key to living a long life is to stay single and not get married.”

Nakita ko na napaawang iyong labi ni Sandro. “What about the other 2/3?” he suddenly said. “Also, can I see that statistics?”

“I’ll send you the link. You can read later,” I said. “You’re driving.”

Naka-kunot pa rin iyong noo niya. “Why’s the solution not to get married?” he asked. “Why not knowing the person you plan to marry?”

I shrugged. “I think that’s not the point—people get married all the time thinking na it’s their happily ever after, you know? And then what? Homicide.”

“You’re going to the extremes.”

“I’m not. I’m just saying,” sabi ko. “Every time I listen to these podcasts, laging may namamatay.”

“You listen to true crime podcast, Lily, of course someone will die.”

I glared at him. “Okay, Mr. Smarty-pants.”

“Just be selective on who you’ll marry,” he said.

“Who isn’t selective about who they’ll marry?”

“Some people,” sagot niya. “Some people marry because they feel like they should or because they’ll run out of time.”

I stared at Sandro’s face. Rarely do I hear his perspective like this…

Ang dami ko pa talagang hindi alam tungkol sa kanya.

“What about you?” I asked.

“What about me?”

“Thoughts on marriage? Although I know we’re still young,” I said. “You plan to get married?”

“Depends.”

“On what?”

“If the person I want to spend the rest of my life with wants to get married.”

“And what if that person doesn’t want to get married?”

“Then we’ll be living in sin.”

Bigla akong natawa. “Right,” I said, still laughing because I never thought of Sandro as someone religious. “But I’m surprised.”

“Why?”

“Just… you know? With Tita Lyana… I thought you’ll have a different opinion on marriage.”

“Why?” he asked, throwing me another quick glance. “Mom’s situation was different. She got married way too quickly and she knows that. I don’t plan on doing that.”

“Because you’ll get to know the person well first?”

“Yes,” he said firmly. “I plan to know everything about her—her dreams, her fears, what makes her happy, what makes her sad, what makes her laugh, what makes her cry,” he continued, his voice sounded so serious.

My lips parted at the seriousness of his voice. I adjusted my seat as I looked at him. “To avoid contributing to the homicide statistics,” I just said.

“Sure.”

The next podcast episode was—surprise, surprise—another homicide. I decided to just listen to some music from our playlist. Sandro’s phone was mounted on the dashboard, the navigation app running even though we both knew the route by now—just for safety measure, Sandro said earlier. The robotic voice occasionally told us to continue straight, which was kind of unnecessary since there was literally only one road. Like duh. Saan pa ba kami dadaan? Sa gitna ng palayan?

A notification appeared on the screen.

‘Hey! How was your week?’

I stared at it for a second longer than I should have.

Rachel.

I’d completely forgotten about Rachel’s existence.

Actually, now that I thought about it, I’d forgotten about everyone’s existence this past week. Mara. Kallie. Ethan. The entire UPLB population. It was like the reading break made me detach from reality completely.

For the past week, it was just me and Sandro and the hacienda and the fields and the horses and Tita Indie’s cooking and quiet mornings and long afternoons studying in the garden.

Nothing else existed.

Nothing else mattered.

But now we were going back, and reality was creeping in. Other people existed. Classes existed. Responsibilities existed.

The bubble was popping.

“How’s Rachel?” I asked, trying to sound casual. I watched his face, studying his profile as he drove, trying to gauge his reaction.

He shrugged. “How would I know?” he replied, not taking his eyes off the road. “We haven’t really talked much.”

“Hmm.”

“Why?”

“Nothing,” sabi ko na lang. “Iyong iba? You said you hang out with them, right?”

He shrugged again, one hand on the wheel, the other resting on his thigh. “They’re fine. I mostly just hang with Miguel and Marc for frisbee.”

“Oh.”

That was it? Just ‘they’re fine’ ?

I wanted to ask more—like, did Rachel notice he was gone? Did she know na nasa hacienda si Sandro? And that I was with him? Did she message him during the week? Did she miss him? Did he think about her at all?

But I didn’t.

Because I didn’t want to know the answers.

Instead, I pulled out my own phone from my bag. Several notifications were waiting for me. Messages from the family group chat—mostly asking me kung pabalik na ako sa Manila and telling me that they’ll visit me next weekend. There were some texts from Mara asking about the homework. I replied na pabalik pa lang ako sa UPLB but that I can send her my homework if she wants. And one from Ethan.

‘When are you coming back?’

I stared at the message.

‘Tomorrow.’

I didn’t even know why I lied about such a trivial thing. I guess pagod lang talaga ako at ayoko magpakita kahit kanino—not that he’ll ask to see me… but just in case. Ayokong magpakita kahit kanino.

I saw that Ethan was already typing in his reply when out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sandro glance at my screen. Just for a second. But he saw.

I quickly flipped my phone over for some reason and reached for the screen instead, skipping to the next song on our playlist. The music shifted from something slow to something with a faster beat, filling the silence.

Neither of us said anything.

I leaned my head against the window and watched the scenery blur past, trying not to think about Rachel’s message or Ethan’s message or the way everything felt different now.

---

We stopped once for gas and bathroom break. He did ask me kung gusto ko bang maglunch. I told him I wasn’t really hungry and I’d rather na makabalik na kami agad sa UPLB. I told him tho that if he’s hungry, we should stop for a quick lunch. He said he’s fine.

So, while we’re waiting for the tank to be filled with gas, I got out of the car. I went to the convenience store and bought two sandwiches, water, coffee, and some energy drink.

“You’re hungry?” he asked when he saw me come back with food.

I shook my head. “For you,” I said as I got the sandwich from the paperbag and handed it to him.

Sandro looked at me like I just bought him a Michelin star meal when it was literally a sandwich from a convenience store.

“Thank you,” he said.

I gave him a small nod. “May binili din ako na water and coffee.”

“Okay.”

“And energy drink din pala.”

“Thank you.”

“Oh, may binili din pala ako!” I said and got the gummy bears from my bag. “You want?”

He nodded. Sandro was driving, so I opened the pack and held one up to his mouth. He leaned forward slightly, keeping his eyes on the road, and I popped the gummy bear in.

His lips brushed against my fingers for just a second. I pulled my hand back quickly and focused very hard on the pack of gummy bears in my lap, suddenly very aware of that brief contact.

“Thanks,” he said, chewing.

“You’re welcome.”

I ate one myself, then held up another one for him without asking. He took it the same way—leaning forward, mouth open, trusting me completely to just feed him while he drove.

---

We arrived at UPLB around 6PM. Naka-upo lang naman ako, but I was so tired—paano pa si Sandro na nagdrive mula Isabela papunta dito?

Sandro pulled up in front of my apartment building and turned off the engine.

“You good?” he asked, getting out and helping me pull my bag from the trunk pati iyong mga gulay and fruits na binigay nila Tito Sancho.

“Yeah, thanks.” I slung my bag over my shoulder. I let out a yawn—a yawn that I’d been holding on to simula kanina pa.

“You should take a nap first,” Sandro said as he carried the bag full of fruits and vegetables as we were climbing up the stairs.

“I can’t. If I sleep now, I’ll sleep through my alarm and wake up at like 3AM in a panic.” I yawned just thinking about it. “I’ll just put multiple alarms to keep myself awake while studying.”

“You want to study together para hindi ka maka-tulog?” bigla niyang tanong. “I can come up, or you can come to my place—”

I thought about it for a second. The idea was tempting. But I also knew that if we studied together in person, we’d probably end up talking or getting distracted—mostly me getting distracted because he’ll keep on staring at me and I’d keep on wondering kung may dumi ba iyong mukha ko.

“I need my books and you need yours,” I said. “And honestly, I don’t want to go to another place. I just want to be alone in my apartment for a bit.”

“Oh.” His face fell slightly. “Okay.”

Guilt immediately twisted in my stomach. “It’s not that ayaw kita kasama,” I quickly explained. Sandro was just looking at me. “I’m just really tired. And I’m sure you’re more tired since you’re the one who drove,” I told him. “I’m good with studying with you, you know that.”

He still kept on staring. “You want to study via video call? Like Zoom or Discord or something?” bigla niyang sinabi.

I blinked at him. Then I laughed. Kumunot ang noo niya. He looked offended when I laughed. “Discord? You use Discord?”

“Yeah. Why?” he asked again, looking offended.

I pursed my lips together. “I don’t know. I just—” I shook my head, still smiling. “Of course you know about Discord. That tracks. Very on-brand for you.”

“What does that mean?”

“Duh. You’re a nerd.”

“And… discords are for nerd?”

“No but—” I paused. “It’s hard to explain. But it’s very you.”

Naka-kunot pa rin ang noo niya. “So, is that a yes? We can study via Discord?” Sandro asked. He was looking at me like he wouldn’t leave until I give him an answer.

“Yeah, okay.”

“Okay,” he said with a smile na akala mo hindi siya ilang oras nagdrive. “I’ll send you a link later.”

“Okay.”

He went inside my apartment and put the bag on my table. I stared at the mountain of fruits and vegetables and… wow… paano kaya namin mauubos ’to? Bahala na nga. For now, I just really wanted to take a shower and then I’ll figure out the rest later.

---

I took a quick shower and changed into my pajamas. And then I walked around and did a quick cleaning of my apartment because I knew I wouldn’t be able to concentrate kapag magulo. I tossed my clothes in the laundry bin and put some of the vegetables and fruits inside the ref. And then inayos ko iyong study table ko.

My phone buzzed. I saw Sandro’s name and so I immediately opened his notification. I saw that he sent me a discord server invite link. Grabe. Ang bilis naman. Nauna niya pa ba ’to gawin kaysa ang maligo or magpahinga?

I clicked it and then saw the server name: SxL

Of course he made us a whole server. Of course he named it after our initials like our shared Spotify playlist. Of course he’d already set up a voice channel and organized it into categories.

This was so Sandro.

I joined the voice channel when I saw that he was already there.

“Hey,” his voice came through my speakers immediately.

“Hey. You really made us a whole server?” I asked.

“It’s easy,” he said.

Sage uses discord, so I was kind of familiar sa interface… but looking at the SxL server, I knew that Sandro put in effort since may iba ibang categories and not just the basic ones.

“Sure,” I just said.

I could hear him moving around, probably settling into his own desk. “You can send your files here,” he said. “And… if we have classes together later, we can share files here.”

Natawa ako. “Okay, but as if hindi tayo nagkikita madalas.”

“You get busy sometimes,” he said na parang bata na nagsusumbong.

“Fair point.”

We studied in comfortable silence. Sandro’s end wasn’t on mute, but he was quiet. He didn’t distract me kagaya nung nag-aaral kami sa garden. Was it because he knew that I was serious na kailangan ko talagang mag-aral? Either way, it was nice. Better than I expected. I could hear him in my headphones—the sound of him typing, pages turning, occasionally shifting in his chair. Like we were in the same room but not.

Like the garden at the hacienda.

Every so often, one of us would break the silence.

“What’s another word for ‘sustainable’ ?” I asked at one point dahil tinatamad akong mag-google.

“Renewable? Viable?”

“Viable. Thanks.”

Little exchanges. Nothing major. But it made studying less lonely. Because he was there.

The hours passed. 6PM became 7PM became 8PM became 9PM.

I finished one assignment. Started another. My eyes were starting to hurt from staring at my screen yet I couldn’t stop… but by 10 PM, I was dying. My eyes were crossing. The words on my screen were blurring together. I’d read the same paragraph four times and still couldn’t tell you what it said.

“Lily, you should sleep,” Sandro said through the headphones.

“I can’t. Hindi pa ako tapos.”

“You’re not going to retain anything if you’re this tired.”

“I know, I know, but—” I yawned so hard my jaw cracked. “Ugh. I need coffee,” I said as I stood up and walked towards the kitchen. I checked the cupboard and then groaned when I realized that I didn’t have coffee here.

“What?” he asked when I returned to the screen, frowning.

“I don’t have coffee,” I said. “I forgot to do groceries before leaving kasi I knew I’d be gone anyway.” I checked my phone, opening a delivery app. “And there’s no delivery this late.”

Sandro was just watching me as I crashed simply because walang kape—but I needed caffeine!

“Fifteen minutes break,” I said as I once again exited the screen. I muted the sound from my end. Pumunta ako sa kwarto and did some jumping jacks in the middle of my room. Stretched my arms over my head. Rolled my shoulders. Shook out my legs. Did some squats. It helped a little—ganito iyong ginagawa ko dati kapag inaantok ako and I knew I couldn’t consume more caffeine.

After I felt like I was okay again for another hour or two of studying, bumalik na ako sa study desk ko. I was about to go back to reading when I noticed Sandro’s camera was off. I frowned and checked the voice channel. He was there, but he wasn’t answering when I called his name. I checked my messages. Nothing. I’d think he’s already sleeping na, but he really wasn’t the type to just ditch without saying anything, so he probably went to get water or use the bathroom or something.

I went back to my reading, highlighting important sentences, taking down notes. A few minutes later, someone knocked on my door. I looked up, confused… and a little scared… because who would be here at 10PM?

I called Sandro’s name again in the server, but he wasn’t responding. Shit. I immediately dialled his number—if something happens to me, he’s the closest one. He’ll surely get here in a few minutes, so at most, I just needed to survive for a few minutes.

I took a deep breath. I stood up and walked to the door, looking through the peephole.

My heart stopped.

Sandro.

Standing outside my door in a hoodie and joggers.

Holding an iced coffee in one hand and a paper bag in the other.

I briefly closed my eyes and took another deep breath. Fuck… He scared me! I honestly thought I’d be part of the statistics I was talking about earlier! My mind went into panic and thought that was the reason I was talking about it earlier was because it was some kind of… sign? Manifestation? Clue?

When I calmed myself down, I unlocked the door and pulled it open. “You scared me,” I immediately said.

“Sorry,” he said like a small puppy that I just kicked. “I was going to order delivery for you,” he continued, like this was a completely normal thing to do. Like it was perfectly reasonable to show up at someone’s apartment at 10PM. “But there’s no delivery this late. So.”

I blinked. I stared at him. “So, you decided to deliver it yourself?”

He nodded, completely serious. I didn’t know what to say. My brain wasn’t processing this. He drove here. At 10PM. Across campus. Because I mentioned I needed coffee.

Like it was nothing.

Like of course he would.

It’s Sandro we’re talking about.

I just grabbed the bag from his hands and held it close to my chest, still staring at him like he’d lost his mind.

Because he had lost his mind.

Who does this?

But he was looking at me with this soft, fond expression—like he was amused by my reaction, like he knew exactly how ridiculous this was but didn’t care.

Then he reached over and tousled my hair, his hand warm and gentle. “See you in a few minutes,” he said and then he just… left. Because he really just went here to give me my coffee. All because I told him I wanted coffee and didn’t have any here.

This story is already at Chapter 25 at patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at $3 per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 15

I woke up to my alarm after barely sleeping. I barely slept because of the fear na hindi ako magising sa alarm dahil sa puyat. My body was still exhausted from studying until 2AM, and my brain felt like mush. But classes wait for no one, so I dragged myself out of bed, showered, got dressed, and headed to my class.

Also, I didn’t tell Sandro that I was worried na hindi ako magigising sa alarm because… I felt like he might volunteer na pumunta dito para gisingin ako… and knowing Sandro, there’s a high probability that he’d do exactly that.

Nang makarating ako sa campus, medyo nanibago ako. The energy was different from the quiet week at the hacienda. Everyone was back—students everywhere, voices loud, the campus packed with people rushing to their first classes. It felt overwhelming after a week of peace. I missed the peace and calm of Isabela.

Pagdating ko sa classroom, agad na nakita ko si Mara. As usual, she was reading something. There also was a cup of iced coffee on her desk. Agad na naalala ko si Sandro. That guy… really…

“Hello,” I said as I took the empty spot beside her.

“Hello,” she replied.

“How’s the break?” I asked habang inaayos ko ’yung mga gamit ko.

She shrugged. “Eh,” she said. “Did you go somewhere?”

“Yup,” I replied. True to Mara’s nature, she didn’t ask for any follow-up question… Honestly, sometimes, I did wonder how she became my closest friend in UPLB (aside from Sandro). “Was in Isabela,” I continued. She just gave a slight nod which gave the vibe of ‘yeah, okay, good for you.’ “With Sandro.”

I didn’t even know why I felt like I needed to add that one.

But for some reason, that caught her attention.

“Sounds nice,” she said.

I gave a tightlipped smile. “It was,” I replied.

“Kayong dalawa lang?”

“I mean, his dad’s there,” I said. “Also, their house there is huge. I have my own room and everything,” I continued. I immediately noticed that I did sound very defensive.

Mara chuckled. “Okay,” she said.

“Just saying.”

“Okay.”

“Tss.” I got my homework from my bag. “You? Nag-aral ka lang the whole break?”

“I read,” she replied. “It was a ‘reading’ break.”

Natawa ako. “Too literal naman,” natatawa na sabi ko. “But seriously, you didn’t go on vacation?” I asked kasi one week din ’yon.

Mara just shook her head. Knowing her, kahit naman may ginawa siya, it didn’t feel like she’d share them with me since she’s really not the sharing type of person… which was fine. Iba-iba naman talaga tayong lahat.

After a while, dumating na iyong professor namin. There was an immediate reminder that we’re already in our finals and that this would make up for a huge chunk of our grades, so we should take everything seriously. I paid attention (not like I had any choice). Buti na lang din talaga and seryoso si Mara sa tabi ko. I was… pressured. But in a good way.

---

After class ended, Mara and I packed up our things quickly. She said that she has another class na nasa kabilang dulo pa ng campus. I, on the other hand, had some time to spare. I was still thinking kung saan ako tatambay. I could go back to the apartment since medyo mahaba naman iyong break, but then again, I was still so tired… There’s a huge chance na matutulog lang ako sa apartment. I couldn’t sleep now. Mamayang gabi na lang ako matutulog.

“So,” Mara said casually as we walked out of the building. “I need to return some notes to Ethan. For our class. We’re probably going to see him.”

I looked at her na bahagyang naka-kunot ang noo. “Okay?”

She gave me another one of those looks. “Just FYI.”

Naka-kunot pa rin ang noo ko. “Okay?” I replied, a bit confused with this conversation. “Why… do I need to be informed?”

Mara shrugged. “No reason,” she said, but the way she said it made me think there was definitely a reason… because Mara’s not the kind to say something just for the heck of it—kasi nga kahit may sabihin ako sa kanya, usually wala siyang sinasabi.

While we were walking, I just kept on looking at Mara and wondering what was behind what she said. I kept on alternating between looking at her and wondering hanggang bigla kong narinig iyong boses ni Ethan.

“Lily,” he immediately called. He was walking towards us, smiling. “Naabutan mo rin ba ’yung accident kanina sa junction?”

Agad na kumunot ang noo ko. Accident kanina—

Shit.

I completely forgot I lied to him and told him na kanina pa lang ako naka-balik dito sa school. Shit. That’s what I get for lying! I couldn’t even keep my story straight!

“Oh, uh—” I glanced at Mara, who was suddenly very interested in her phone. “Right. The accident.”

Ethan was telling me something about the accident—how there was a woman who got hit by a car who sped away. How they called for ambulance but it was so traffic that they were certain na matatagalan iyong ambulance. And then Ethan said that he wanted to help but that he couldn’t do anything and how he wished his parents were with him and baka naka-tulong sana sila.

Now, I felt worse.

Why did I have to lie to him?

Why did I even have to lie in the first place?

“Well, you’ll be a doctor in the future,” I said, trying to cheer him up. “You can help then.”

Ethan looked at me and gave me a small smile. “Thanks, Lily.”

I smiled back.

Ethan saw me yawning (I was still so freaking sleepy) and he asked if I wanted to grab a coffee. I did want to grab a coffee (preferably alone), but I felt bad about lying to him, so I said yes when he asked if gusto kong pumunta sa coffee shop.

“May class ka pa, ’di ba?” Mara asked me.

“Uh… mamaya pa naman,” I replied.

Mara just gave me a small nod and then said that she has to leave dahil may class pa siya. Sometimes, my conversation with Mara confuses me.

Habang naglalakad kami ni Ethan, he asked me about my break. I tried to be vague about it because I didn’t want to tell him about how I spent my vacation with Sandro because… it’s just easier that way. And it wasn’t as if he’s like Mara who’d just nod and say ‘must be nice.’ I didn’t want to entertain follow-up questions.

Then, to shift the conversation, I asked him about his vacation. Like Mara, he spent his vacation reading… And I was starting to think na dapat sineryoso ko rin iyong ‘reading’ sa reading break.

Pagdating namin sa coffee shop, agad na nakita ko si Sandro. I mean, how could I not when it’s so easy to spot him in the middle of the crowd? It’s like he just gets attention naturally without exerting any effort.

Sandro was mid-conversation with Miguel, looking relaxed in a plain white shirt and jeans, but then his eyes shifted and found mine across the room. I was about to wave at him when I realized that he was looking at Ethan who was standing beside me… and then I started to look at Rachel who was sitting beside him.

For some reason, I was frozen… but that didn’t last long because Rachel noticed us. Or more like she saw that Sandro was looking at something, so she followed his line of sight and saw me at the end of it.

“Lily!” she said, waving enthusiastically.

I gave her a small smile. “Hi,” I said. I looked at Ethan. “I’m just gonna say hi,” I whispered as I leaned closer to him.

Ethan just nodded. Naglakad kami papunta sa table nila. Sandro did say that he barely talks to Rachel… and Marc and Miguel were here… so it’s probable that Sandro was really with those two and Rachel just inserted herself here.

But why was I even thinking about the reason kung bakit magkakasama silang apat?

There was an empty seat across Sandro. For some reason, I didn’t want to take that seat. Ethan and I remained standing—awkwardly, might I add.

“Hey, Lily’s… friend?” Rachel asked, obviously implying something.

“Ethan, this is Rachel, Marc, Miguel, and Sandro,” I said, introducing him. “Everyone, this is Ethan, my friend,” I said, looking at Rachel and smiling.

“Oh, hi,” she said with a smile and then Rachel was resumed to talking—honestly, when was she not talking? “We were just discussing how we spent the break. I went to Bali with my family. It was amazing. The beaches, the food, everything,” she said enthusiastically.

If this were before, I’d participate in the conversation… but I kept on remembering how she called me a ‘buffer’… and I knew that she’s only talking to me because of Sandro. Who knew? Would she even invite me to be a part of her circle if it were not for Sandro? After all, once she got ‘close’ to him, she hasn’t really tried to include me in the group.

Which was fine, really.

The first few weeks I spent trying to be her friend really stressed me out.

“That sounds nice,” I just said.

“It was! You? What did you do?” Rachel asked. “Please tell me you guys did something fun—unlike this guy here who just stayed in Manila,” bigla niyang sabi. She was looking at Sandro. Napa-tingin din ako kay Sandro. Napa-kunot ang noo ko. Manila? Did he tell her that he spent the break in Manila? Huh? Imagination ko lang ba ’yung Isabela?

“I really can’t believe you just stayed in Manila the whole time,” Rachel said, once again steering the conversation back to Sandro. “Manila’s so boring.”

I looked at him, confused, but his expression was completely neutral.

“I wasn’t bored,” he said simply, and then his eyes shifted to me. “I had fun.”

The way he said it—calm, direct, while looking straight at me—made something flip in my chest. I just pursed my lips as I looked at Rachel who had no idea that this whole conversation was a lie.

“Right,” Rachel just said. “Why didn’t you go to Isabela… right? Isabela’s your dad’s province?” Rachel asked.

Sandro just shrugged.

“I haven’t been to a hacienda,” she decided to say. Tumingin sa akin si Rachel. “You’ve been there, Lily?”

“Yes,” I immediately replied.

Rachel was smiling, but for some reason, something told me that she didn’t like my response. Why? Wouldn’t it be weirder kung hindi pa ako naka-punta doon? We’ve been friends since forever.

“Oh, so you can have visitors there, Sandro?” biglang sabi ni Rachel. “Invite us next time! It’ll be fun!”

“I’ll ask Dad.”

I accidentally snorted. Napa-tingin sila sa akin. I quickly shook my head.

‘Ask dad?’

Since when?

Sandro perfectly knew that Tito Sancho would say yes to practically anything he asks for… partly because he’s really, really trying to compensate for his absence during the early stages of his life but also… I knew that Tito Sancho and Tita Lyana would be delighted kung magdadala ng friends si Sandro. I knew they’re both convinced that their son’s anti-social.

“Great! We can maybe go sa summer,” Rachel said, making her own plans. Whatever.

Then Rachel turned to me. “What about you, Lily? What did you do over the break?”

I looked at Sandro—and immediately caught his eyes because he was already looking at me. What? Ano ba ang pwede kong isagot? He already lied about being in Manila… for some reason… Wouldn’t it be weirder if I’d say na nasa Isabela ako tapos iyong anak ng may-ari ng hacienda ay nasa Manila?

That wouldn’t make any sense at all.

“I stayed in Manila, too,” I said. “Just… read. But I had fun.”

Sandro’s eyes held my gaze. They flickered to mine for just a second, and I saw something there—surprise? Relief? I couldn’t tell.

---

I really wanted to leave, but it was so hard to find the right moment to leave because Rachel kept on asking questions and I really didn’t know how to leave. We stayed for another twenty minutes, but I felt increasingly uncomfortable. Not because of anything specific—just the whole… vibe. Rachel talking about Bali like it was the most interesting thing in the world. Ethan sitting too close. Sandro being quiet and unreadable.

Also, I felt bad for Ethan. I felt responsible for him kasi nandito lang naman siya dahil sa akin. I knew that the conversation was boring him—because it was boring me to death.

And… I didn’t feel like I belong here.

Finally, I just decided to go for it. It was starting to feel like Rachel could talk forever, and I didn’t have the time to listen to her yap. So, I stood up and grabbed my bag. “Have to leave. May class pa ako.”

“Really?” Rachel asked, sounding sad, but I knew better.

Ethan said his goodbye to them and then proceeded to the counter to order our coffee— finally. I was about to walk towards the counter, too, when something stopped me. I stopped my tracks behind Sandro and Rachel.

“Sandro,” I called his name. He immediately turned his head to look at me—his phone completely forgotten. “Dinner later,” I just said. “We have to finish the food.”

I saw the confusion on Rachel’s face. I knew she wanted to ask questions. But she didn’t even need to know what our conversation was about since this was a conversation between Sandro and me.

“What time?” Sandro asked.

“My class ends at 5:30,” I said.

“CAS?” Sandro confirmed. I nodded. “Okay. Be there after my class.”

“What time end ng class mo?”

“4PM.”

“You’ll wait?” I asked even though I already knew that he will wait for me.

He nodded.

I smiled at him.

“Okay. See you,” I said as I walked towards the counter and finally ordered my freaking coffee—iced americano, extra shot, because I desperately needed caffeine

---

My afternoon class was a blur—everything is a blur when you’re exhausted and the coffee you brought didn’t seem like it had any caffeine in it. I barely survived my class. And by the time it ended, I was exhausted and ready to go home.

I walked out of the classroom, and I spotted him immediately. I mean, how could I not? Even in a sea of students, he stood out. Leaning against a post near the building entrance, looking at his phone, white wired earphones in. He was wearing the same clothes from earlier—white shirt, jeans—but he’d clearly been waiting a while.

He did say he’ll wait right after his class… and knowing Sandro, I knew he did exactly that.

As if he felt my presence, he looked up. Our eyes met. He immediately pulled out his earphones and shoved them in his pocket.

“Hey,” he said as I walked over.

“Hey. Kanina ka pa?” He nodded. “Dito? You could’ve waited sa library. Medyo nag-extend iyong class namin.”

“It’s fine,” he said. “I’d rather wait for you than make you wait for me.”

Something about the way he said it—so simple, like it was obvious—made my chest feel warm.

“Thanks,” I said quietly.

Sandro just nodded like it was nothing that he waited for more than an hour. “What are we making for dinner?”

“Chopsuey. I googled it. Apparently it’s the best way to use up a lot of vegetables quickly.”

“Makes sense.”

“But it needs chicken and I don’t have chicken. So, we need to stop by the grocery.”

“Okay.”

We walked off campus together, heading to the small grocery store outside. We were just walking. We didn’t really talk much. I was still tired from everything. I wanted to sleep, but I didn’t want to cancel plans with Sandro. I felt really bad when he said that I could be busy at times… I mean, I could be busy, but that wasn’t a reason to just ghost him for a week. Busy din naman siya for sure, but he’s always a text away.

After buying the chicken, bumalik na agad kami sa apartment ko. Sandro volunteered to chop the vegetables and the chicken… basically, he did everything while I was at the table just watching him. Why was I so tired? Why was he so energetic? Pareho lang naman kami ng ginawa… Mas pagod pa nga dapat siya because he was the one who drive—and went out last night to buy me coffee!

At some point, I connected my phone to my speaker and put on our Spotify playlist—SxL. Soft music filled the apartment. I was sitting by the dining table, reading the recipe while it was Sandro who cooked. I basically invited him over to cook dinner.

Twenty minutes later, we had actual edible chopsuey. It looked like the one on the photo! I was actually amazed!

“This is actually good,” I said, surprised.

“You sound shocked.”

“I am! Ang galing kong magbasa ng recipe!”

Sandro laughed. “Right. You did good.”

“Right?” I said, beaming.

We ate in comfortable silence for a bit. I was really enjoying the food. Sandro did so well. I was about to praise him one more time, but then my mouth decided to betray me.

“Why did you lie?” I asked, trying to sound casual.

He looked up. “Lie about what?”

“About spending the break in Manila.”

Sandro was quiet for a moment. “I didn’t want to talk about the hacienda with them.”

“Why not?”

“Because they’d ask to come.”

“And… you don’t want them to come?”

He looked at me directly. “I’d rather not.”

I laughed. “Wow, you’re gatekeeping Isabela?”

“It’s not gatekeeping.”

“Then what is it?”

He put down his fork and met my eyes. “I’d rather it’s just us.”

Bahagyang napaawang iyong labi ko.

My heart stopped.

Then it started racing.

“Just us?”

“Yes.”

The way he said it—so certain, so simple—made my chest feel tight. Like he’d just said something incredibly important and I was supposed to understand what it meant.

But I didn’t.

Or maybe I did, and I wasn’t ready to think about it.

“So, what, I’m special enough to be invited but they’re not?” I joked, trying to lighten whatever this moment was.

“Yes.”

The simplicity of his answer made it worse. Not a joke. Not deflection. Just… yes.

I really should stop asking questions because Sandro would always, always answer honestly. 

This story is already at Chapter 26 at patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at $3 per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 16

I woke up to a good morning text from Sandro… which felt a bit weird since we’re not really the ‘good morning’ type of friends. Not to say na wala kaming pakielam sa isa’t-isa but—

Basta.

It was weird.

‘Good morning. You have early class?’

I stared at my phone, still half-asleep, half-confused by the randomness of his message, and typed back.

’Yup. 7:30. You?

‘8. Get coffee before class.’

Bahagyang napa-kunot ang noo ko. Did he seriously text me just to tell me to get coffee before class?

‘Will do.’

‘Okay,’ he replied. I saw that he was still typing, so I stared at my phone as I waited for him to finish. ‘I have a group meeting/dinner later. I won’t be able to have dinner with you.’

Agad na natawa ako. Ah… so this was the reason for the whole ‘good morning’ text. Because he wouldn’t be able to have dinner with me? And he wanted to tell me?

‘Got it. Good luck sa meeting mo!’

‘But I’ll see you at discord?’

‘Yup yup.’

‘Okay. Will message you when I’m on my way home.’

I put my phone down and got ready for class. My body still felt tired from the past few days, but at least I’d managed to sleep better last night. No 2AM study sessions—just regular exhaustion… but regular to the point that I was almost always exhausted. Maybe I should ask Sandro about the gym kasi parang lagi lang siyang may energy as compared to me who’s always lethargic.

I grabbed my bag and headed to the school, stopping by a coffee shop to get coffee like Sandro said—iced americano, two extra shots.

My first class was fine—boring lecture, took notes on autopilot. I really tried to listen, but I gave up after a while because my brain really wasn’t cooperating. Instead, I took notes seriously para babasahin ko na lang sila when my brain’s in a much more cooperative state.

When I arrived at my next class, thankfully, the room was almost full—and walang vacant seat near sa group nila Rachel. They didn’t see me immediately, so I quietly walked to one side and settled there. It was also a good thing na medyo malayo ako sa kanila—this way, kung anuman ang pag-usapan nila, hindi ko maririnig. Kasi kahit naman ayoko magka-pakielam, it would be hard once na marinig ko na.

And as they said, prevention is better than cure.

The class thankfully started soon after. The caffeine finally started to kick in, so I was able to concentrate more—or feeling ko since this was a Forestry class, kaya mas interested ako? Hindi lang ba talaga ako interested sa GE courses? Ako lang ba ’yung ganito? I should ask Sandro about his opinion on his GE classes…

When I knew that the class was ending, agad na inayos ko na iyong mga gamit ko. I just didn’t want to linger here and risk na makita ako ni Rachel. Not like I hater her but—fine, I was not her biggest fan. And I was already exhausted with my classes that the last thing I needed was to be annoyed by her.

And she has Sandro’s contact info! She could annoy him herself—no need to include me.

“Finally,” I uttered to myself when the class was finally dismissed. I put my airpods in and quickly headed to the door. Para hindi ko agad sila kita and if tawagin man nila ako, I’d have the excuse na hindi ko sila narinig.

Why was I doing the most?

I think at this point, it was painfully obvious to everyone that we’re all not friends—at this point, Sandro’s their friend, not me.

‘Hey! Still on for Saturday run?’

Bahagyang napa-kunot iyong noo ko nang mabasa ko iyong text ni Ethan. My mind did buffer for a bit before I remembered. Right. The run. I’d almost forgotten. I was so busy that I really couldn’t think of anything else aside from studying.

‘Yup.’

’Okay! What time works for you? I was thinking 7am?

‘6am?’

My parents would visit me this weekend. Running with Ethan’s fine, but gusto ko lang matapos agad so I could prepare for my family.

‘Okay. Also there’s a new breakfast place near the gate.’

I stared at the message. Was he asking me to go grab breakfast? I mean… I guess it’s fine since we’re friends, but at the same time, I really didn’t have the time since pupunta iyong family ko.

But he didn’t really directly ask me to grab breakfast with him… so, I also didn’t tell him about my family visiting. Ewan. Nahahawa na lang siguro ako kay Sandro sa pagiging secretive niya tungkol sa family niya.

---

I ended up not replying to Ethan’s last message.

Since I had a long break, I decided to go to the library to study. Kilala ko na talaga iyong sarili ko. If I go back to the apartment, with the level of exhaustion I had kahit kaka-balik ko pa lang talaga halos from reading break, I was sure that I’d just end up sleeping and accomplishing nothing.

So, I studied in the library… which was honestly a great decision. The slightly competitive side of me was able to get me to study—probably because I was surrounded by people who were diligently studying so how dare I slack off?

After library, I was about to head to my next class when I received a notification na cancelled siya.

“Oh, thank god,” I uttered to myself because I was so close to dragging my feet or crawling para lang makarating sa class na ’yon.

I was so tired—so, so tired that I thought I was hallucinating when I saw Sandro walking. He was walking like how he usually does—walang pakielam sa paligid. I stood there for a second, just observing him. Somehow, he reminded me of those models walking the runway. Just looking straight ahead and not minding the surrounding— like he was living in his own world.

I didn’t know where he was heading since hindi ko naman memorized iyong schedule niya. But as I watched him, I realized that he’s headed to the CAS parking. My eyes widened. Oh! Pwede ako magpa-hatid sa kanya!

I quickly grabbed my phone and dialled his number. He looked at the screen of his phone and immediately answered the call on the first ring.

“Wait lang,” I said as soon as he answered.

“What?” he asked, rightfully confused.

I was already almost running after him. He was just standing there, waiting for my response.

“Pahatid pauwi,” I said as I was almost near him.

“Okay,” he said without hesitation. “Where are you?”

“Behind you.”

He quickly turned around and saw me brisk walking towards him. His eyes widened as he saw me. I smiled at him.

“You’re going to a meeting, right? Late ka na ba? Pwede pahatid muna pauwi? I’m so tired. I feel like magcocollapse na ako if magwalk pa ako pauwi,” I told him.

His forehead was slightly creased but then a small, amused smile appeared on his face.

“Okay,” he said as he ended the call and put his phone in his pocket.

“Start na ba meeting mo?” I asked. He waited for me and we walked together.

He looked at his watch. “In ten minutes,” he said.

“Oh, sorry,” I replied.

“It’s fine,” he said. “I’ll message them I’ll be a bit late.”

“Super fast lang naman.”

“Did you have dinner already?”

“5PM pa lang,” I told him.

“Do you have food in your apartment?”

I paused for a while. “Yeah, I think I still have leftovers. Why?”

Sandro didn’t immediately reply. When we got inside his car, he grabbed his phone and was typing a message. I knew I should respect his privacy, but my curiosity really got the best of me, so I tried na sumilip… but I wasn’t too subtle about it dahil napa-tingin si Sandro sa akin.

“What?” I replied, trying to act casual kahit nahuli niya ako na nakikibasa sa message niya.

Sandro, being Sandro, held his phone and showed me his message.

‘I’ll be running late.’

“You can just ask,” he said.

“Papa-kita mo sa ’kin lahat ng texts mo?” I asked, taunting him.

He went to his inbox. My lips parted when I saw a lot of unsaved numbers. From the preview of the message threads, mukhang galing sa blockmates niya iyong texts.

“Wow… hindi ka talaga nagse-save ng numbers.”

“I do,” he said and then pointed at the name on top. “I saved yours.”

My name was saved as Lily.

I mean… that’s my name, all right… but for some reason, because of the way Sandro said it, it felt… different.

And once again, I couldn’t ask him why it was different—because he’d surely be honest about it.

---

Sandro insisted to buy me dinner before dropping me home—kaya pala sinabi niya sa groupmates niya na male-late siya because he already planned to do this when he learned na wala akong pagkain sa apartment. I thanked him na lang since there’s no convincing him otherwise.

“I’ll see you,” I said as I got out of his car. He looked at me, a bit confused. “Discord,” I continued.

“Oh,” he replied. A smile appeared on his face. “I’ll see you.”

Immediately headed upstairs because I knew that Sandro wouldn’t drive away until makita niya na nasa loob na ako—and I already felt guilty enough na late siya sa meeting nila.

I took a quick shower and then watched a sitcom while eating the dinner Sandro got me. And then I took a quick nap. I set an alarm for 8PM since I promised Sandro that I’d see him on Discord.

When I woke up, I felt a whole lot better. I made my coffee and then pagdating ko sa Discord, Sandro was already there.

“Hey,” his voice came through my headphones.

“Hey,” I replied. “Na-late ka?”

“Yes.”

“Nagalit sila?”

“No.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” he said. “They assigned the presentation part to me.”

I laughed. “Mas gusto mo research?”

“Yes,” he said.

I laughed once again. “Eh, you’ll be fine,” I said. Sandro’s smart—honestly, he’d contribute more sa research part… but also, I think I know the reason why his groupmates assigned him sa presentation. Because… that damned face of his would force anyone to listen and agree to him. It’s just how it is.

And honestly, so smart of them to do this—a guaranteed A.

“Sandro,” I called after a while.

“Hmm?”

“My family will be visiting this weekend,” I said. “I think around Saturday lunch time? Not sure pa.”

“Okay.”

“You wanna have lunch with us?”

“Alam ni Tito?”

I laughed. “Bakit kailangang malaman ni Dad? Are you a stranger?” Hindi siya sumagot agad. Seriously… did Dad threaten him before or something? “I’ll tell Dad. Or may plans ka na this weekend?”

“No plans,” he said.

“Okay. I thought you’ll play frisbee or something.”

“I play Frisbee on Tuesday and Thursdays,” he said.

“Oh, may sched ka na?”

“Roughly.”

“Ano’ng plans mo sa weekends? May sched ka rin?”

“Depends.”

“On what?”

“If you want to hangout with me.”

It was probably a good thing that we’re only on voice channel.

Because why the fuck was he so honest?

I tried to find the words, but how do I even reply to that? I felt like there was a brick resting on my chest and suddenly, it was so hard to breathe.

So, I did what I was best at—letting his words hang in the air.

---

Wednesday afternoon, I was at the library studying when Mara showed up and sat across from me… which wasn’t surprising since she did ask kung nasaan ako and I told her where. I like studying with her since she’s a huge nerd.

“Hey,” she said, unpacking her laptop.

“Hello,” I replied.

We worked in comfortable silence for the next hour. We were just minding our own business. I really prefer it that way—also ayoko mapagalitan at masitsitan ng ibang tao sa library.

“Mind if I join?” someone asked.

Ethan.

I looked up. “Oh, hey. Sure,” I said with a small smile, but in my head, I was a bit confused… and surprised.

Agad na napa-tingin ako kay Mara na naka-tingin din sa akin. Did she tell Ethan na nandito kami? But from the looks on her face, it didn’t seem like she told him… but then again, it wasn’t as if secret location ’tong library. So, maybe nagkataon lang na nandito din si Ethan. Whatever. ’Di naman ako ang may-ari ng library.

He pulled out the chair next to me—close, closer than necessary when there were other empty chairs—and sat down.

Mara glanced at me, eyebrow raised slightly. I pretended not to notice—but I did. I did notice that he chose to sit next to me when it’d be more comfortable to choose other seats. But whatever. Like the library, I also didn’t own these chairs.

We studied for a while. It was fine. Normal. Ethan kept asking me questions about assignments, about readings, about upcoming finals. Every time he needed to see my notes, he’d lean close. At one point his shoulder pressed against mine and I shifted away slightly.

Why was he even asking? Magkaiba naman kami ng degree program? Magkaiba din ang subjects namin?

About thirty minutes later, I heard voices—familiar voices. Looked up and saw Sandro walking in with Miguel and Marc. They were carrying some books, but they were discussing frisbee. Sandro was saying something but then he paused when he saw me. And then he saw Ethan sitting next to me.

His expression didn’t change, but something in his eyes shifted. His jaw tightened just slightly. It was subtle, but I noticed. Of course I noticed. I’d known him since forever.

I didn’t even know what I was expecting, but then he looked away and headed to a table on the other side of the library with Miguel and Marc. I tried to focus on my work, but I was suddenly very aware of Sandro a few tables away. I kept glancing over. Every time I did, he was focused on his laptop or talking to Miguel.

But once, I looked over and caught him looking at me.

We made eye contact for a second before he looked away.

“Lily?” Ethan’s voice pulled my attention back. “You okay?”

“Yeah, sorry. Just tired.”

His hand touched my shoulder and I saw—across the library—Sandro’s hand tighten around his pen. For some reason, everything was making me uncomfortable. Mara did seem to notice, so she asked me if I was feeling fine. I didn’t feel sick, but I did feel uncomfortable—with how Ethan was acting and how Sandro was staring from across the library.

“No, actually,” I said as I began to gather my things. “Uwi na muna ako.”

I quickly stood up and pretended not to hear Ethan when he offered to walk me home. I saw Sandro watching me as I quickly walked towards the door.

I waited.

For some reason, I waited for Sandro to catch up with me… or at least text me or call me and ask me kung bakit ako biglang umalis sa library.

‘Are you sure you’re okay to walk home alone?’

The disappointment I felt when I saw Ethan text me.

Did… he like me?

I reviewed our interactions in my head. The coffee invitation. The run invitation. The texts over the reading break. Sitting close at the library. Touching my shoulder.

But that was all just… friendly stuff. Right?

Friends did that.

I grabbed my phone and texted Mara.

‘I have a question.’

‘Shoot.’

‘Does Ethan like me?’

I knew I sounded so full of myself… but I just needed to know. So I’d know how to act around him.

‘Yes. Obviously.’

I stared at my phone.

Fuck.

The disappointment grew.

‘I thought you knew.’

‘How??’ I asked, a bit frustrated.

‘It was obvious,’ she replied. ‘Also, I warned you last monday that we’d see him.’

‘Yeah I thought that was weird.’

‘You think I just randomly like to inform people?’

‘Idk.’

‘Also I know you dont like him but he likes you. Idk. Just thought of sparing everyone awkwardness—esp me.’

Fuck.

If Ethan liked me… then the run on Saturday suddenly felt different.

Like a date.

Which I didn’t want.

I should cancel.

But Ethan was my friend. I didn’t have that many friends here. Just Mara and Sandro, really. And losing Ethan over this felt… sad. I liked Ethan. Just not like that. He was easy to talk to. Funny. Genuinely nice. Our runs were fun. I enjoyed his company.

But that was it.

How do I tell him that without ruining everything?

Can we still be friends? Just friends?

But maybe I was just overthinking. Maybe Mara was just assuming things. Maybe Ethan really did just want to run and grab breakfast as friends and everyone was reading into things that weren’t there.

But the way he sat close at the library. The way he touched my shoulder. The way he looks at me when he talks to me. The way he constantly messaged me during the break despite my sporadic replies.

Mara was right—it was just so… painfully obvious.

And I had no idea what to do.

I couldn’t cancel. That would be obvious and cowardly.

I couldn’t go and pretend I forgot. That felt dishonest.

I couldn’t bring it up first. What if I was wrong? What if I said ‘hey I know you like me but I don’t like you back’ and he was like ‘what? I just wanted to run’ ? I’d die of embarrassment.

I groaned and put my face in my hands.

Why was this so complicated?

Maybe I should just go. Act normal. If he brought it up, I’d be honest. If he didn’t, then everything was fine and I’d been overthinking.

Yeah. That’s what I’d do.

Go on the run. Be friendly but not too friendly. If he confessed or asked me out, I’d be gentle but clear that I only saw him as a friend.

And hopefully—hopefully—we could stay friends after.

Because the alternative—losing a friend—that would suck.

This story is already at Chapter 32 at patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at $3 per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 17

I usually enjoy waking up on a Saturday… but that wasn’t the case today. I woke up and the first thing that I did was sigh. I didn’t sleep well. I kept thinking about Ethan, about what Mara said, about how I was probably overthinking everything.

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe Mara was wrong. Maybe Ethan really did just want to run and be friends and we were all reading into things that weren’t there.

Maybe.

Hopefully.

I got dressed. Normally, I’d just wear sports bra, running shorts, running shoes and call it a day. But for reasons known to me, I also wore a white shirt over my sports bra. Bago ako umalis, tumingin ako sa salamin at saka huminga nang malalim.

I really couldn’t catch a break!

The campus was quiet at 6AM on a Saturday. As expected, there were just a few joggers, some students walking back from what looked like all-nighters at some café, and merong mukhang pauwi pa lang from inuman.

That reminds me… hindi pa pala ako nakaka-ranas ng inom here sa UPLB. Maybe next sem. Maaga pa naman. Also, I only want to drink with Sandro. One, because I feel safe with him around and two, my parents would kill me if I get drunk here and be irresponsible about it.

As I was walking, I was just doing people watching na hindi ko napansin na nandoon na pala agad si Ethan sa may meeting place namin. He was already there, stretching by the benches.

He saw me and waved. “Morning!” he said.

“Morning,” I said, walking over with a small smile on my face.

“Ready?”

“Yup,” I said.

---

We started running. I was slow at first, just warming up. Also, I really wasn’t a runner—more so the past few weeks dahil busy ako sa lahat ng nangyayari sa school. Even during the break at the hacienda, hindi naman ako tumakbo doon. Pinaka-exercise ko na yata ’yung pagsakay sa kabayo and pagligo sa batis.

Maybe next sem kapag naka-adjust na ako.

Ethan, on the other hand, was a runner. So, the fact that he was running slow meant that he wanted to run with me. Which was fine. If only I weren’t overthinking about him… possibly having a crush on me.

“I can’t believe we’re already almost done with the sem,” bigla niyang sinabi. “Feels like the semester just started.”

“I know,” I replied. I tried to sound enthusiastic because when I think about it—when I try to be logical about it—Ethan did nothing wrong. He was nice to me. Also, I did ask to have friends. And he’s a friend. So, really, what was my problem?

“You ready for finals?” he asked.

“No, not really,” I said. Ethan laughed at the desperation in my voice. “You?”

“Not even close,” he replied, but knowing him since he’s a nerd like Mara, I highly doubted it.

We ran in comfortable silence for a bit—probably because I got my airpods and put it in. I also told Ethan that he can run his normal pace and it’s fine. He just nodded, so that was good. He wasn’t offended or anything. Mabuti naman.

For a while, I was able to enjoy myself. I was just running while listening to some relaxing songs. While running, I received a notification from Sandro on my apple watch.

‘Running?’

Agad na napa-tingin ako sa paligid ko. He wasn’t around. Was he hiding? Because if he’s just around, I was certain that I’d immediately spot him because… he just stands out in a crowd. But he wasn’t there, so I immediately called him.

“Are you stalking me?” I asked him.

“What? No,” he replied.

“Why do you know that I’m running?”

“Saw your Spotify profile. You’re listening to your running playlist.”

Agad na napaawang iyong labi ko.

Hindi agad ako naka-sagot kasi… who does that? Who looks at Spotify profile and see what the other person’s listening to?

Sandro.

That’s the answer.

Only Sandro.

“Just accidentally saw it,” he said, now sounding defensive.

“Right,” I said.

“I am at the gym,” he replied. “I was about to play my workout playlist. I just saw that you’re listening to your running playlist.”

“Huh? Is it a new feature?” I asked, now just teasing him because it’s fun. “I thought you can only see that sa desktop… or at least before, you have to go check the profile in mobile before you can see friend activity.”

I was laughing as I was running. There was only silence from Sandro’s end… until I heard the call being disconnected.

Wow, for the first time, I had him speechless.

---

Ethan was a fast runner, so he was able to run circles around me. Naka-tatlong lapse ata siya while naka-dalawa lang ako. I was taking my time, though, since I was just running for fun and to relax—also, I was distracted for a while dahil kay Sandro.

That guy.

Hindi na talaga nagparamdam. He’s still probably thinking on what to tell me about that Spotify story of his. It’ll be fun to listen to whatever reason he’ll tell me later. Tsk. Bigla tuloy ako na-excite na makita siya. It’ll be much more satisfying to tease him in person.

An hour into running, I finally slowed down. Isang oras lang naman talaga iyong plan ko na tumakbo. I still needed to take a shower, clean the apartment, and also do some homeworks while waiting since hindi ako makaka-gawa ng ibang bagay today. I planned to focus my attention on spending time with family.

Ethan handed me a bottle of water.

I took it. “Thanks,” I said with a small smile.

It was thoughtful. I mean, he’s always been nice. Inaabutan niya naman talaga ako ng tubig. But a week ago, I would’ve just smiled and been grateful. Now, after Mara’s confirmation, even this small gesture felt different. Loaded.

And it made me uncomfortable.

And I hated that I was feeling this way over such a normal gesture between friends.

“So,” Ethan said as he stood in front of me. I was sitting on a bench. “About that breakfast place I mentioned last night.”

My stomach tightened.

I drew a deep breath.

“I… actually can’t,” I said, forcing the words out of my mouth kahit iyon naman iyong totoo. I really couldn’t. It wasn’t as if I was lying. Hindi naman talaga ako pwede. “My family’s visiting today.”

“Oh. That’s nice.” Pause. “What time are they coming?”

“Around lunch,” I replied.

“So, you have time for breakfast?” he asked, sounding hopeful.

I started to hold on to the water bottle cap. I felt the slight sting when I cut on my index finger dahil sa higpit ng pagkaka-hawak ko doon. “I need to clean my apartment. And shower. And—”

“Oh, right.” He smiled. “What about next week?” he asked. “Heard it was a good place.”

I bit on my tongue as I smiled. “Maybe. I’ll let you know. Super busy sa acads.”

Did he hear the discomfort in my voice?

I hoped he did.

Because I wasn’t being very subtle about it… the same way he wasn’t subtle about his intentions anymore.

I quickly finished the water. Tumayo na ako. I wanted to say goodbye para makabalik na ako sa apartment. However, bago pa man ako maka-alis, I received another notification. It was from Sandro. There was a message from him asking what time.

Ethan read it.

It didn’t take a genius to know that the message meant that Sandro would be joining my family for lunch.

“Is Sandro joining you guys for lunch?” he asked. Like he needed confirmation about this. Like it was his business.

I glanced at him. “Yeah. Why?”

“Just asking. You guys are close,” he commented.

“He’s family. I’ve known him since I was a kid.”

“So, he’s like a brother?”

I almost stumbled.

Sandro… like a brother?

No.

Never.

Sandro never felt like a brother to me… but wasn’t I the one who just called him family? So, what was wrong with Ethan’s question? When he was merely repeating my words?

“Not really,” I finally said. I threw the water bottle he gave me and said, “I should head back.”

I started walking before he could even say anything or ask anything. I wanted to be friends with him but the more he says things or asks things, the more awkward it was. At this point, I just wished he’d tell me what he wanted, so I could give him the appropriate answer.

I hated awkwardness.

---

When I got home, I immediately showered. I just wanted to shower in peace but as I stood under the hot water longer than necessary, I started to remember what just happened this morning.

Ethan asking about Sandro. Asking if he was like a brother. My immediate, instinctive “not really.”

Why did that question bother me so much?

Sandro was family. I’d always said that. My parents loved him. His parents loved me. We’d known each other forever.

But brother?

No.

He wasn’t that.

He never was that.

As I got out of the shower, I got my phone to check kung nasaan na ang pamilya ko. They’re still a bit far, so I decided to really just do some homeworks while waiting. I grabbed my laptop and settled on my study area, opening my notes to work on some readings while I waited for my family to get closer.

Out of habit, I opened Discord.

I didn’t expect anyone to be there—it was Saturday morning. Also, Sandro said that he’s still in the gym, not stalking my Spotify profile. But I logged in anyway, put on my headphones, and started reading.

After about ten minutes, I heard the notification sound.

Sandro had joined the voice channel.

“Hey,” his voice came through.

I was surprised. “Morning. Done with the gym?”

“Yes.”

“Oh. I thought you’re still there since I can see here in my desktop that you’re still listening to your workout playlist.”

Sandro wasn’t able to respond. I could already imagine him reddening. See? He’s not the only one who could do this! I could also tease him!

“I can listen to that playlist when I’m walking home.”

“Right.”

“Where are they?” he asked, obviously trying to shift the conversation elsewhere.

“Calamba.”

“Oh, okay,” he said. “Where are you having lunch?”

“I don’t know yet. Do you have any recommendations?”

“Actually,” he said, pausing. “I made a reservation. At a restaurant near campus. You can check it out and see if you like it,” he said and he then he sent a link. I clicked on it. It looked like my family would enjoy this place. Napa-ngiti ako. “You don’t have to go there if you don’t like it,” he said quickly. “I just thought since it’s Saturday, there’d be crowds—”

“Thank you,” I cut him off. “I actually forgot to make a reservation.”

I remember once complaining to him nung nahirapan kami maka-hanap ng resto kasi puno lahat. I didn’t know that Sandro took note of that… but I wasn’t even surprised. It’s Sandro. Of course he’d do this.

“Okay. I made the reservation under Tito’s name.”

“Wow. And here I thought Dad’s name was like a curse to you.”

He was silent.

I didn’t even need to see his face to see his reaction.

I laughed. “I was kidding!”

“I’ll call and change it to your name.”

Lumakas iyong tawa ko. “Super sensitive naman nito!”

“I will really call.”

“I’ll tell dad na binago mo reservation.”

“Lily!” I heard the horror in his voice.

Gosh, it’s so fun to tease him!

---

My family arrived an hour later. I actually forgot about it because I was so busy studying (and teasing Sandro) that it was even Sandro who reminded me na paparating na iyong family ko. I was about to send Saffie a message when I heard them before I saw them. Ang ingay nila—but more like Saffie na rinig iyong boses. I should’ve told her na ’wag maingay because it’s a Saturday. The other people here were probably sleeping in.

I opened the door and Saffie immediately pulled me into a hug.

“Ate! You look tired. Are you sleeping enough?” she said. “I gave you facemasks and eye patches. You have to use them.”

I laughed. “Do I look that bad?”

“Yes,” she said with a dead serious voice.

“Wow, thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I care about you.”

Baliw talaga ’tong batang ’to.

They all went inside. Mom immediately started organizing things—straightening pillows, checking the cleanliness of surfaces. Nilinis ko naman ’yon kanina, but whatever. Dad went to check the locks on the windows and door. Saffie collapsed on the couch, phone already in her hand. Sage went straight to my study desk and put his head down.

“Sage, don’t sleep na,” I said. “We’re heading out for lunch soon.”

“He was sleeping the whole ride here,” Saffie said without looking up from her phone.

“Then why is he tired?”

She just shrugged. “When isn’t he tired?”

Mom went to the fridge and opened it. Agad na nakita niya iyong mga gulay. Sandro and I really did our best! Masyado lang mahirap kalaban iyong mga gulay! We’re eating vegetables three times a day at this point!

“I still haven’t finished everything Tito Sancho and Tita Indie gave me,” I said. “Super dami,” I continued kasi baka isipin nila na sinasayang ko lang ’yung food. Madami kasi talaga! I’d even ask them to bring these sa Manila kasi sayang naman if masisira lang dito.

“Why didn’t you invite Kuya Sandro para kumain?” Saffie asked.

“I did. Everyday kami magkasama kaya.”

“Oh,” Saffie said with a grin. “Is that so, Ate?”

I glared at her. Minsan, iniisip ko if dapat Yuchengco ang last name si Saffie… She’s so like Kallie.

---

I told them we could leave for the restaurant na since anong oras na rin, but Mom insisted on doing a little cleaning. I didn’t know if I should be offended since malinis naman ’yung apartment ko. But I didn’t want to discuss my ‘cleanliness’ so I just let her be.

Instead, I messaged Sandro and asked about the time and how long the grace period was. He said that he’s already here and to take our time. Agad na napaawang ang labi ko. So, he was just there? Waiting alone? If I didn’t ask, he’ll just wait in silence?

Wow.

Minsan… I wanted to smack his head because why’s he doing that to himself?

I didn’t want to tell my parents that Sandro’s already waiting because I could already imagine Sandro’s flushed face if he learns na pinagmadali ko iyong family ko—especially my dad—dahil sa kanya. Instead, I told them that there’s a reservation and strict iyong time.

True enough, pagdating namin, he was already there.

He immediately stood up when he saw my parents. I chuckled to myself. Bakit ba takot na takot siya kay Dad? I asked Dad before, sabi niya wala naman daw siyang ginagawa kay Sandro. I also asked my mom just to confirm. She said wala naman daw ngang ginagawa si Dad kay Sandro.

We were still by the entrance of the resto. Nasa table na si Sage na akala mo naghard labor at pagod na pagod. Sandro was still standing like he was doing an interview before my parents.

As we were standing, Saffie leaned close to me and whispered, “Kuya Sandro’s so pogi.”

I glanced at Sandro, who was talking to Dad about something. Then I looked at Saffie.

“I know,” I whispered back.

I’d always been aware of that. Hard not to be—not with that face of his.

“You know, Ate,” Saffie continued, pulling out her phone. “I came across a confession page and saw a lot of confessions about him.”

Agad na napa-tingin ako sa kanya na naka-kunot ang noo.

“What?”

“I mean, the descriptions matched. Agri student, moreno, tall, always has headphones.”

“Let me see,” I said as she handed me her phone. “Also, why are you at this page?”

She shrugged. “I’ll go to college din kaya. I’m just looking around kung saan ako mag-aaral. So far, SCA’s still the top contender,” she said.

“That’s still far.”

“Better prepared kaya,” she said.

Saffie opened her phone. I thought she’d go to a page, instead, she opened her messenger and saw that she opened a thread with Kallie. Napaawang iyong labi ko.

“You two talk about this?”

Saffie nodded. “Yup. It’s so funny to see everyone lose their mind over kuya,” she said and then chuckled. Napaawang lalo iyong labi ko nang makita ko na multiple links iyong sinend ni Saffie kay Kallie… so that meant multiple confessions? About Sandro?

Wow.

I knew he looked really good but confessions? Wow.

I was amazed.

‘Agri guy with the white headphones is so cute, sino siya?’

‘Moreno guy from Agri who’s always at the library, drop the @’

’To the tall guy from Agri who helped me find the CAS building: you’re so nice and ang gwapo mo po 😭 ’

‘Who was the moreno guy always playing sa fpark ng frisbee???? Ito na ata ang organic encounter ko.’

There were also comments asking if he was single. Some said yes. Some said he had a girlfriend. Some said his girlfriend was from Forestry.

Mas lalong napaawang ang labi ko.

What the heck? Forestry? Were they talking about me?

I clicked ‘see more’ on one thread.

Someone had commented: ’ Rachel daw name. Theyre always together’

I felt irritation spike in my chest.

And for some reason, I decided to open my phone and upload the selfie that Sandro and I took nung nasa perya kami—the one where I was holding all the stuffed toys he won for me—the one that I thought would only exist in my gallery.

I posted it without any caption and just tagged him.

Rachel my freaking ass—he doesn’t even talk to her. 

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