WARNING

This story is a BL / MLM

(Boys’ Love / Men Loving Men)

narrative that centers on the romantic and intimate development between

two male characters.

Themes may include emotional tension, mature situations, and sensitive topics.

If this genre or these themes are not to your preference, you are free to leave at any time. Reader discretion is advised.

Please note that this work may contain

grammatical errors, typos, or inconsistencies,

as it may still be in progress or undergoing revisions.

By continuing, you acknowledge and accept the nature of this story and its content.

❦ ⋆˚✿˖ °𐙚 ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ᡣ𐭩 °❀⋆.ೃ࿔:･˚˖𓍢ִ໋❀°❀⋆.ೃ࿔:･˚˖𓍢ִ໋❀°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･˚˖𓍢ִ໋❀

DISCLAIMER

This story contains characters who are intentionally written as flawed—particularly in their emotions, mindset, and behavior during the early parts of the narrative.

Their actions, beliefs, and reactions may be difficult to understand or even frustrating at times.

However, these portrayals are purposeful. The narrative is designed to explore growth, accountability, and transformation as the story progresses.

The characters’ attitudes and decisions are shaped by their personal histories, and internal conflicts.

As such, their behavior— especially in the beginning —does not reflect ideal perspectives, but rather serves as a foundation for their development. Readers are encouraged to view these portrayals with context, recognizing that change and growth are central to the story.

Additionally, this work includes homophobic remarks, offensive language, and instances of misconduct.

These elements are not included to promote or glorify harmful behavior, but to reflect the harsh realities that many individuals face.

Such themes are presented to shed light on prejudice, provoke thought, and support the narrative’s exploration of personal change and understanding.

Reader discretion is advised.

BLURB

What if one wrong door opens something that was never meant to be seen?

Given Chua, a nutritionist student, receives a birthday gift that changes his routine—a dorm room reserved for elite students in their university. But everything shifts after a single mistake.

After the bite of curiosity that leads him to open the wrong door, he finds himself face to face with something he wasn’t prepared for—a completely naked man stepping out of the shower.

Nicollo Cavalli carries a quiet but deep anger toward feminine boys, rooted in a past where someone took advantage of him in his weakest moment.

Given, caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, unknowingly steps into something tense, uncomfortable, and hard to ignore.

When something forbidden is seen, can it ever be unseen? And once the moment lingers… who will be the first to break?

PART I

There are things that remain untouched for a reason- unspoken boundaries, quiet distances, and lives that move without ever colliding. Everything exists in its proper place, undisturbed and certain.

But it only takes one moment— a wrong step, a wrong door —for something untouched to be seen, to be crossed, to be remembered.

And once that line is broken, even by accident, the stillness begins to shift in ways that cannot be undone.

CHAPTER 1

❦

⋆˚✿˖ °

𐙚

⊹ ࣪ ˖

ᡣ𐭩

“There are moments that feel like the first bite-unexpected, irreversible, and impossible to forget.”

⋆˚✿˖ °

𐙚

⊹ ࣪ ˖

ᡣ𐭩

❦

NICOLLO

“Nicollo, let’s go…” Her voice was thick, a low, slurry murmur that vibrated against the shell of my ear.

Mainit ang haplos ng mga daliri niya, dragging slowly up my arm habang nakasandal ako sa bar counter.

When our eyes met in the dim, amber glow of the lounge, I felt a familiar, desperate pull.

It wasn’t just the alcohol; it was the need to finally override the static in my head. I didn’t even know her name- she’d just appeared the moment the semester’s final bell rang- but the moment she looked at me, I knew what she wanted.

And for the first time in years, I didn’t pull away. I needed to drown out that one night, once and for all.

“My place is just around the corner,” I whispered, my voice sounding more certain than I felt.

I didn’t waste time.

Within minutes, we were stumbling into my unit, the door clicking shut behind us like a seal.

The silence of the condo was immediately broken as I pinned her against the wall. I was moving fast- too fast -burying my face in the crook of her neck, trying to stay anchored in the present.

“Nicollo…” she breathed out, her hands frantic as they tugged at my belt.

My hand was already sliding up the silk of her dress, the heat from her skin searing into my palm.

My pulse was a physical weight in my chest.

“I can do this,” I told myself.

“Just focus on her.”

“Take it off,” she moaned, her eyes clouded and unfocused.

Hinila ko ang t-shirt ko paitaas at padaskol na itinapon sa sahig.

I lifted her up, her legs instinctively locking around my waist, and I carried her toward the back of the unit.

I kissed her with a kind of hunger that felt almost like panic, pressing her against me until there was no air left between us.

I kicked open the first door I hit. Sa tindi ng bugso ng nararamdaman ko, I didn’t care where we ended up- I just needed to lose myself in her.

It was the bedroom.

I laid her back onto the mattress, the springs creaking under the sudden weight.

I hovered over her, the moonlight from the window cutting across her face. I didn’t reach for the light; I prefer it dark.

I kept my head down, my mouth tracing the line of her collarbone while my hand moved lower, finding the space between her thighs.

But then, the air in the room suddenly felt like ice.

As I felt her arch beneath me, a flash of a different ceiling- the one from years ago -ripped through my mind.

The scent of her perfume warped into something metallic and cold.

Behind my eyelids, the room began to spin, and the weight of her body suddenly felt like a crushing, suffocating force I couldn’t push off.

The phantom sensation of hands I hadn’t asked for started to crawl over my shoulders, turning my blood into a sickening, hollow shiver.

My heart hammered against my ribs, but the desire was gone, replaced by a raw, and primal dread.

I felt like I was drowning in a room full of air.

I froze. My breath hitched in a jagged, broken rhythm, and I stayed suspended over her for a second before the panic won.

“Wait,” I managed to choke out, as my voice cracked.

I pulled back abruptly and sat on the edge of the bed, my head dropping into my hands.

I was shaking- a fine, uncontrollable tremor that started in my chest and bled into my fingertips.

“Nicollo? What’s wrong?” she asked, her voice small and confused as she sat up.

I couldn’t look at her. If I looked at her, I’d see the memory. I forced myself to take a shallow, trembling breath.

“I’m sorry. I… I can’t do this tonight.”

I felt her hand reach out to touch my shoulder, and I flinched so hard it made her gasp.

I immediately felt the guilt sink in.

“It’s not you,” I said softly, finally finding enough air to speak. I reached back and briefly, gently, squeezed her hand to let her know it wasn’t her fault.

“Honestly. I think the alcohol just hit me all at once, and I… I don’t feel right. Let me get you a car, okay? I want to make sure you get home safe.”

I helped her find her things in the dark, my movements careful and distant.

I was being nice, but I was already gone- retreated back into the quiet, guarded shell I wasn’t as ready to leave as I thought.

I just needed the door to close so I could finally let the silence take over.

Matagal akong naupo sa gilid ng kama matapos marinig ang pagsara ng pinto.

The silence in the condo felt like a heavy weight pressing down on my chest. I didn’t bother turning on the lights; mas gusto ko ang dilim dahil dito, hindi ko kailangang makita ang sarili ko.

I just sat there, shivering in the cold air, as my bare skin crawling with a phantom sensation na parang may humahawak pa rin sa akin.

I reached for my phone on the nightstand, my fingers trembling as I scrolled through my old photos.

Huminto ang thumb ko sa isang picture mula noong high school- isang

labimpitong

taong

gulang

na

bersyon

ko ang

nakatitig

pabalik .

He was smiling, clean-faced, and so incredibly naive.

Looking at that boy made my stomach churn with a sickening mix of anger and disgust.

Kinamumuhian ko ang batang iyon dahil sa pagiging mahina at tanga niya.

I hated that I let myself get that drunk, and I hated that I was too stupid to see what was coming. Akala ko noon, normal lang ang lahat. I thought a friendly drink and a soft-spoken conversation were just that- friendly .

Hindi ko alam na ang bawat ngiti at bawat salita ay bahagi lang pala ng isang patibong.

Pinanood ko ang sarili kong mawasak dahil lang sa pagiging mapagtiwala.

Napadako ang tingin ko sa mga itim na tinta na bumabalot sa leeg at dibdib ko.

These tattoos weren’t just for the art; they were my shield and armor.

I spent hours under a needle, enduring the sting just to ruin the “canvas” that he admired so much.

Gusto kong sirain ang kahit anong bahagi ng sarili ko na nakita niya noong gabing iyon. I wanted to look dangerous and unrecognizable because I knew that my face was the reason it happened.

Sabi ng lahat, swerte raw ako dahil sa hitsura ko.

They kept giving me compliments, calling me “blessed” with good looks, but to me, my face was a curse.

My appearance was the invitation that he accepted without my consent. I wanted to bury that boy under layers of ink so deep that no one would ever see him again.

But the anger didn’t stop with me.

Whenever I see a man with that same delicate gait or hear that specific, high-pitched lilt in a voice- the effeminate ones -the hatred just pours out of me.

Nagdidilim ang paningin ko dahil alam ko kung ano sila.

I’ve convinced myself that they’re all the same. They’re all monsters waiting for a moment of weakness.

Para sa akin, wala silang ibang gusto kundi ang katawan ng isang lalaki, and they’re willing to use anything, whether it’s money, force, or a spiked drink, just to get it.

Lahat sila ay mandaragit sa paningin ko, and tonight was just a reminder that no matter how much ink I put on my skin, I’m still haunted by the ghost of the predator I couldn’t escape.

Tumayo ako mula sa kama at pumasok sa banyo, letting the cold tiles sting the soles of my feet. I stared at my reflection under the harsh fluorescent light, tracing the jagged lines of the ink that crawled up my neck.

Kahit gaano karami ang itapal ko sa balat ko, feeling ko ay kitang-kita pa rin ang dumi sa ilalim.

It’s like I’m wearing a costume that doesn’t fit, trying to look like a man who can’t be touched, even though I know how easily I was broken.

I turned the shower on, the water freezing as it hit my shoulders.

I stood there for a long time, hoping the cold would numb the memory of that voice.

It’s always the same.

They act so fragile, so soft, like they couldn’t hurt a fly, but I know better than anyone that it’s all just a performance.

They use that “femininity” as a weapon, a way to make you lower your guard until you’re too deep in the fog to say no.

Sa tuwing may nakakasabay ako sa elevator o sa kalsada na ganoon kumilos, kusa nang humihigpit ang kamao ko.

The way they talk, the way they move- it all feels like a calculated trap.

Sa isip ko, they are just waiting for a guy to let his guard down, ready to pounce and take what they want by force or by manipulation.

I don’t see them as individuals anymore; I just see the face of a monster who took everything from me when I was helpless and weak.

I leaned my forehead against the cold shower wall, my breath hitching as the water blinded me.

Galit na galit ako dahil kahit tapos na ang gabi, siya pa rin ang panalo.

He still owns my reactions, my fears, and even my intimacy.

I tried to use that girl tonight to prove to myself that I was fine, that I could be a “ normal “ guy again, pero sa isang iglap lang, ay bumalik sakin ang lahat.

The feeling of being trapped, the smell of that room, and the realization that no matter how much I change my exterior, I am still that same terrified kid hiding behind a wall of ink.

Sumandal ako sa pader at dahan-dahang napaupo sa sahig ng shower, letting the water pour over my head.

I’m tired of being angry, but I’m even more terrified of letting the anger go.

Because if I stop hating them, then I have to face the fact that I was just a victim. And that’s a truth I’m not ready to accept. Mas madaling magalit sa buong mundo kaysa aminin na hanggang ngayon, takot pa rin ako.

Pinatay ko ang shower at nanatiling nakaupo sa malamig na sahig ng banyo, letting the droplets of water fall from my hair like a slow, rhythmic ticking of a clock.

Ang bigat sa dibdib ko ay hindi nabawasan; instead, it felt like the cold water had only solidified the knot of resentment inside me.

I grabbed a towel and stepped out, avoiding the mirror this time. I didn’t want to see the tattoos, and I certainly didn’t want to see the eyes of the person they were trying to hide.

I walked back to the living room and poured myself another drink, my hand still trembling slightly as the glass clinked against the decanter.

Sabi nila, time heals all wounds, but for me, time only sharpens the edges of my anger.

I looked at the mess of my unit- the discarded shirt, the unmade bed -and felt a wave of disgust.

Hindi lang para sa babaeng pinaalis ko, kundi para sa buong sistema na naglagay sa akin sa sitwasyong ito.

Bakit ba kailangang maging ganito? Why do they always look at us like we’re just something to be consumed?

Napaisip ako sa mga kaibigan ko sa univ na madalas mag-joke tungkol sa mga baklang katulad nila.

They laughed it off, calling them “harmless” or “flamboyant,” pero sa tuwing naririnig ko ang mga salitang iyon, ay kumukulo lang ang dugo ko.

Harmless

?

There is nothing harmless about a person who uses their supposed “ softness “ to lure you into a corner.

I’ve seen the way they operate- the subtle touches that linger too long, the suggestive jokes that push the boundaries of what’s comfortable, and the way they use their money to make you feel like you owe them something.

To me, every effeminate man I encounter is just a carbon copy of that predator from my past.

They all share that same predatory glint in their eyes, that same hunger for the

masculine

that they try to claim as their own.

It’s a sick cycle of coercion and force.

Naniniwala ako na wala silang pinipiling paraan; they will manipulate your emotions, buy your time, or wait until you’re too wasted to fight back.

Sa paningin ko, they are the architects of their own twisted desires, and I refuse to be a part of their blueprint ever again.

I slumped down on the couch and stared at the ceiling, the alcohol finally starting to dull the sharpest parts of my mind.

Bukas, gigising ako at isusuot ko ulit ang maskarang ginawa ko, pantapal sa totoo kong nararamdaman.

I will walk through the campus with my head held high, my tattoos visible, and my expression cold enough to keep everyone at a distance.

Gagawin ko ang lahat para siguraduhin na wala nang makakalapit muli sakin.

Because the moment I let someone in, the moment I soften, is the moment I become that seventeen-year-old boy again.

And I would rather live the rest of my life in this bitter, lonely anger than feel that kind of helplessness ever again.

❦ ⋆˚✿˖ °𐙚 ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ᡣ𐭩 °❀⋆.ೃ࿔:･˚˖𓍢ִ໋❀°❀⋆.ೃ࿔:･˚˖𓍢ִ໋❀°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･˚˖𓍢ִ໋❀

GIVEN

“Room 402.” I whispered to myself, checking the digital keycard in my hand for the tenth time.

It was way past midnight, and the hallways of the university dorm were eerie and silent.

I was exhausted. My parents finally gave in and got me this place as a combined birthday gift and reward for surviving the first semester.

No more forty-minute commutes, no more rushing to catch the last trip home.

Yehey

for me!

Pagod na pagod na ako, and all I wanted was to drop my bags and pass out on a bed that actually belonged to me.

I reached the door and tapped the card. The electronic lock chirped, a small green light flickering before the mechanism clicked open.

“Finally,” I breathed out, stepping inside.

But the moment the door swung shut behind me, ay bahagya akong napahinto.

The room didn’t look like the model unit I saw in the brochure.

There were posters on the wall I didn’t recognize, a heavy scent of expensive woodsmoke and expensive gin, and a pair of boots tossed carelessly by the door.

“Wait, mali ba ako?” I muttered, heart racing at chineck ulit ang room number sa labas- 402 .

Mabilis ko rin namang tiningnan ang keycard ko- 402 .

Magtatanong sana ako sa sarili ko kung paanong nangyaring gumana ang card ko rito kung hindi naman ito sakin? Ngunit the fact na gumana ito, nangangahulugan lang na saakin ito.

But the sound of a door opening from the side of the room caught my attention.

Napalingon ako sa direksyon ng banyo.

A man stepped out, steam clinging to his skin.

He was completely naked. No towel, no robe- just raw, wet skin and heavy black ink that seemed to crawl across his chest and arms like shadows .

I froze, my breath catching in my throat.

I couldn’t move. My eyes widened as they traced the jagged lines of his tattoos, contrasting sharply against his pale, damp skin.

He looked powerful, dangerous, and for a split second, I was just… stunned.

“What the fuck?!”

His voice was like a whip, snapping me back to reality.

Nicollo Cavalli?- I recognized him from campus, the guy everyone stayed away from -was glaring at me with a look of pure, unadulterated rage.

“Sino ka? Paano ka nakapasok dito?!” he roared, his voice vibrating in the small space.

He didn’t even reach for a towel to cover himself.

Instead, he took a predatory step toward me, his nakedness making him look even more intimidating.

I could see the muscles in his jaw clenching.

“I… I’m sorry! Room 402 ito, ’di ba? Ito yung binigay sa akin…” nauutal kong sabi, my face heating up as I tried to look anywhere but at his body.

But it was too late.

Nicollo had seen the way I looked at him, the way my eyes lingered on his frame in shock.

His expression shifted from anger to something much darker, much more hateful.

“Huwag mo akong tingnan nang ganyan!” he spat, his eyes burning with a loathing I didn’t understand.

“You’re one of them, aren’t you? Pumasok ka rito para lang mamboso? You think I don’t know your kind?”

“No! Hindi, nagkakamali ka-”

“LUMABAS KA!” he screamed, stepping right into my personal space, his wet, naked body inches from mine.

“Get out before I lose my mind! Don’t you ever let me see your face again, you disgusting piece of shit!”

Hindi ko na hinintay na ulitin niya iyon.

I scrambled back, nearly tripping over my own feet as I fumbled for the door handle.

I burst out into the hallway, my heart hammering against my ribs, leaving Nicollo standing in the center of his room, trembling with a fury that felt like it could burn the whole building down.

Nakasandal pa rin ako sa pader ng hallway, my heart is hammering against my ribs na parang lalabas na ito sa dibdib ko.

I was gasping for air, the image of Nicollo- completely naked and seething with that inexplicable rage -burned into my retinas.

My face felt like it was on fire.

“Ano ba ’yung nangyari?” I whispered to myself, my hands still shaking as I gripped my luggage.

Mula sa dulo ng hallway, narinig ko ang mabilis at mabigat na yabag ng sapatos.

It was the girl from the front desk, hingal na hingal at halos himatayin na sa pagtakbo.

“Sir! Sir Given! Wait!” she gasped, leaning against the wall para huminga nang malalim.

“I am so, so sorry! Nagkamali po ako ng bigay ng keycard. Your room is actually 403, ’yung katabi lang po nito. I accidentally encoded the wrong room number sa system. I am incredibly sorry, Sir!”

Napatingin ako sa pinto ng 402, then back to her.

My exhaustion was fighting with the sheer humiliation of what just happened.

The staff looked terrified, her eyes pleading.

“Sir, it’s okay if you report me to the management. My mistake was huge. I know it’s a lot to ask, but please…”

I looked at the brass number ‘403’ just a few feet away.

I was too tired to be angry, and honestly, the thought of talking to anyone else or filing a formal complaint felt like a mountain I couldn’t climb.

I just wanted to disappear.

“It’s okay,” I muttered, my voice sounding hollow even to my own ears.

“Huwag na. Just… give me the right key nalang po. Pagod na rin talaga ako para maghain pa ng complaint.”

She looked at me with a mix of relief and pity, quickly handing me the new card and taking the old one as if it were radioactive.

“Thank you, Sir. Thank you so much. Good night po.”

I didn’t reply.

I just swiped into Room 403, stepped inside, and locked the door behind me.

I didn’t even bother to unpack or check if the room was nice. I just dropped my bags by the door and collapsed onto the bed, still wearing my jacket.

But sleep didn’t come easily.

Every time I closed my eyes, I saw him again.

The way the water glistened on those dark, heavy tattoos.

The raw power in his frame.

But more than that, it was the look in his eyes- that pure, unadulterated loathing.

Bakit ganoon na lang ang galit niya? He looked at me like I was some kind of monster, like my presence alone was a sin.

“You’re one of them,” he had said.

What did that even mean?

I stared at the ceiling of my new room, the silence now feeling heavy and strange.

I came here for a fresh start, this room is a gift from my parents to make my life easier, pero sa unang gabi ko pa lang, parang nakahanap na agad ako ng rason para kabahan at hindi magustuhan ang bagong tahanan na napagdesisyonan kong tirhan.

I rolled over and buried my face in the pillow, trying to drown out the memory of his voice, but the image of his tattooed skin stayed with me until I finally drifted into a restless sleep.

CHAPTER 2

NICOLLO

Kagat-kagat ko ang filter ng sigarilyo habang nakatitig sa kawalan.

We were at the corner table of the campus cafe, the morning rush of students blurring into a hum of white noise.

The smell of roasted beans usually calmed me, but today, it felt suffocating. My hands were still shaking slightly, clinking the spoon against my coffee cup as I stirred a drink that was already cold.

“Gago talaga, as in,” I muttered, my voice tight with a suppressed roar.

“He was just standing there, guys. Hindi man lang kumurap. He was looking at me like I was some kind of…fresh meat.”

Gianluca leaned back, crossing his arms.

“Nic, pre, huminga ka muna. Baka naman totoo yung sabi ng admin, na nagkapalit lang talaga ng card? Freshie lang ’yung bata, baka nalito lang.”

“Nalito? Gago, hindi mukhang lito ’yun,” I hissed, leaning in closer.

“I saw it. ’Yung tingin na malagkit? ’Yung parang hinuhubaran ka na sa isip nila? I was totally bare, straight out of the shower, and he stayed there locking his eyes with my naked body. He didn’t even look away immediately. Alam niyo namang ayaw ko ng ganoon, ’di ba? You know why I hate that shit!”

Natahimik silang tatlo.

They knew. Sila lang ang nakakaalam kung bakit bigla akong nagpa tattoo years ago.

Sila lang ang nakakita sa akin noong mga gabing hindi ako makatulog dahil pakiramdam ko, hanggang ngayon, ay may dumi pa rin na nakatatak na hindi mabanlawan at nakadikit parin sa katawan ko.

Vincenzo sighed, picking at his croissant.

“We get it, Nico. Alam naming sensitive ka sa mga ganyan. Pero isipin mo rin, if you walk into the wrong room and see someone naked, hindi ka ba mapapatitig sa gulat? Baka na-shock lang talaga ’yung tao eh.”

“Shock? No, I saw it in his eyes,” I insisted, my grip tightening on the table edge until my knuckles turned white.

“He’s one of them. ’Yung mga lalambutin na bakla na akala mo ang lalamig ng boses, pero sa loob-loob niyan, hayok na hayok sa katawan at burat ng lalaki. Baka modus niya ’yun kamo. Kinausap niya siguro ’yung staff para makuha ’yung card ko.”

Fabio shook his head, looking skeptical.

“Nic, pre, parang malayo na yata ’yan. Sobrang paranoid mo na, bro. The kid looked like he was about to faint nung sinigawan mo siya, and kitang kita sa CCTV footage kung paano siya natakot at nagulat. If he was a predator, hindi siya manginginig nang ganoon.”

“That’s exactly what they do!” I raised my voice, drawing a few looks from the nearby tables.

I didn’t care.

“They act weak. They act like they’re the victims para lumambot ang loob mo, at kapag lumambot na ang loob mo, and then that’s the time that they will strike. Just like that guy when I was seventeen! Soft-spoken din ’yun, ’di ba? He was ‘kind.’ And look what happened.”

“Nic, dahan-dahan lang,” Gianluca said softly, his voice full of caution.

“We’re on your side. Pero baka naman sinusunog mo lang ang sarili mo sa galit na wala namang basehan. Baka naman… baka naman normal na tao lang talaga siya na minalas lang sa unang gabi niya. Shits happens.”

“I don’t care,” I muttered, pushing the cold coffee away.

“Katabi ko lang ang kwarto niya. 403. I can literally feel him through the wall. Every time he breathes, it reminds me of that night.

I want him out of that dorm. I want him away from me.“

Tiningnan ako ni Vincenzo, his eyes full of that pity that always makes my blood boil.

“Don’t let that past win again, Nicollo. Huwag mong hayaang diktahan ng lalakeng ’yun kung paano mo titingnan ang lahat ng tao.”

“It’s not about the past, Vin,” I said, my voice dropping to a dangerous, low whisper.

I stood up abruptly, the chair screeching against the floor. I didn’t wait for them to finish.

My skin felt tight, the ink on my back feeling like lead.

I didn’t care if I was being “ unreasonable .“

I would rather be a monster than a victim, and if that kid still stayed in Room 403, I would make sure he regretted ever laying his eyes on me.

❦ ⋆˚✿˖ °𐙚 ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ᡣ𐭩 °❀⋆.ೃ࿔:･˚˖𓍢ִ໋❀°❀⋆.ೃ࿔:･˚˖𓍢ִ໋❀°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･˚˖𓍢ִ໋❀

GIVEN

The sunlight through the cafe windows felt a bit too bright for how little sleep I’d actually gotten.

Every time I closed my eyes, those tattoos and that raw, terrifying rage flashed behind my eyelids. I just wanted to reset.

A coffee would fix, some peace, and maybe I could convince myself that Room 402 didn’t exist.

Pila pa lang, ramdam ko na ang bigat ng hangin. I tried to keep my head down, focusing on the menu board, but there was this prickly sensation on the back of my neck- the kind you feel when someone is trying to burn a hole through you.

Dahan-dahan akong lumingon.

At the far corner table, there he was-

Nicollo

.

He was surrounded by three other guys, but he was the only one staring.

His eyes weren’t just angry; they were predatory, filled with a cold, sharp loathing that made my stomach do a slow, nauseating flip.

My first instinct was to bolt, to just leave and find another coffee shop, but I stopped myself.

“Hindi mo pwedeng takbuhan ’to forever, Given. Kapitbahay mo siya. Kaya kahit anong iwas ko sa kanya magkikita at magkakasalubong pa rin kaming dalawa.”

I needed to clear the air. If I didn’t apologize properly, I’d be living in fear every time I walked down the hallway.

“Two Iced Americanos, please,” I told the barista, my voice barely a whisper.

While waiting, my heart was doing double-time.

I watched them from the corner of my eye. Nicollo’s friends were talking, but he remained silent, his gaze fixed on me like I was a stain he couldn’t wait to scrub off.

When the drinks were ready, I took a deep breath, gripped the carrier until my knuckles were white, and forced my feet to move toward their table.

Every step felt like I was walking into a firing squad.

“Hi… uhm,” I started, my voice cracking slightly. I reached their table and carefully set one cup down.

The conversation between his friends died instantly, and the silence that followed was suffocating.

I looked directly at Nicollo, though every fiber of my being wanted to look at the floor.

“I’m really sorry about last night. Honest mistake lang talaga ’yung sa keycard. I didn’t mean to… to barge in like that. I bought these for you, as a peace offering sana.”

I tried to offer a small, tentative smile, hoping he’d see I wasn’t a threat.

I was about to add that I hoped we could just be civil neighbors, but Nicollo didn’t even look at the coffee.

He didn’t even blink.

“Peace offering?” Nicollo repeated.

His voice was low, vibrating with a kind of disgust that made the hair on my arms stand up.

“O-oo. I just wanted to say sorry properly-”

“Save it,” he interrupted, his words cutting through my apology like a blade. He leaned forward, his shadow looming over the table.

“Instead of wasting your allowance on coffee that I’m just going to throw away after you left, I’d appreciate it more if you just stayed the fuck away from me.”

I blinked, taken aback by the sheer venom in his tone.

“I… I will. I just wanted to say sorry-”

“Sorry?” He let out a harsh, dry laugh that didn’t reach his eyes.

He stood up slowly, making me realize just how much smaller I was compared to him.

He leaned in close, so close I could smell the bitter espresso on his breath.

“Listen to me, you little freak. I know your type. You think that because you have a pretty face and a soft voice, you can just ‘accidentally’ wander into a man’s room and get a free show, ’no?”

“Wait? What? No, hindi ganoon-”

“Don’t lie to me,” he spat, his face inches from mine.

“Nakakasuka ang mga katulad niyo. You’re all the same-mga baklang uhaw na uhaw sa katawan at burat ng lalaki, na gagamit pa ng kung anu-anong rason para lang makapamboso.

If you’re that desperate to see a dick, go find a parlor or a dark alley. Huwag kang lalapit sa akin, dahil baka hindi lang sigaw ang abutin mo sa susunod.“

The cafe seemed to go dead silent.

I felt the blood drain from my face, leaving me cold and exposed. His friends looked uncomfortable, shifting in their seats, but Nicollo didn’t care. He looked at me with so much hatred it felt like a physical blow to the chest.

“Take your trash and get out of my sight,” he flicked his hand toward the coffee, his expression twisting into a sneer.

“Bago ko pa maibuhos ’yan sa pagmumukha mong makati.”

Napatitig na lang ako sa mga kape na dahan-dahang nagpapawis sa ibabaw ng mesa.

Ang lamig na nagmumula sa mga baso ay tila lumipat sa buong katawan ko, nanunuot sa bawat buto. I felt the stinging heat of tears pricking at the corners of my eyes.

But I refused to let them fall. Hindi

rito

. Hindi sa

harap

niya.

Ang sakit ng bawat salitang binitiwan niya- the way he called me a “freak,” the way he lumped me in with a stereotype na wala naman akong

kinalaman

.

I just wanted to be a good neighbor. I just wanted to fix a mistake.

“Nicollo, pre, tama na ’yan,” mahinang saway ni Gianluca, his voice full of an awkward tension.

He looked at me, his eyes apologetic, pero hindi niya magawang kontrahin nang tuluyan ang kaibigan niya.

Pero hindi natinag si Nicollo.

He didn’t even look at his friends.

Nananatili ang tingin niya sa akin, checking me out from head to toe with pure, unadulterated disgust.

It was like he was looking at something he accidentally stepped on in the street.

“Ano, tatayo ka lang ba diyan at hihintayin na kaawaan kita?” Nicollo sneered, his voice loud enough for the nearby tables to hear.

“I told you to get lost. O baka naman gusto mo talagang mapansin kita? Is that it? You’re so desperate for attention na kahit murahin na kita, ayaw mo pa ring umalis?”

“Hindi… hindi ako desperado,” I finally managed to whisper, my voice trembling. I reached for the coffee carrier, my fingers fumbling.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. I’ll… I’ll stay away.”

“Good,” he spat, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest, the tattoos on his biceps flexing.

“And do me a favor. Do everyone a favor. Stop acting like a victim. ’Yung mga katulad niyo, na mahilig magpa-inosente pero sa totoo lang, kayo ang pinakanakakadiri at hayok sa laman.

If you’re so hungry for a man, find someone who’s as twisted as you are. Huwag ako.“

I felt the eyes of the other students on me-some curious, some pitying, but most just uncomfortable with the scene.

I grabbed the coffee, the ice clinking loudly in the silence, and turned around.

I didn’t look back.

I practically ran toward the exit, the heavy glass door feeling like a mountain as I pushed it open.

The humid morning air hit me, but it didn’t help.

I walked fast, my vision blurring as the first tear finally escaped.

I headed straight for the trash bin at the corner of the building and slammed the two coffees inside.

The sound of the plastic cracking and the liquid splashing against the metal felt like the only thing that matched the chaos in my head.

“Bakit ganoon?“I asked myself, leaning against the brick wall and sliding down until I was crouching on the pavement.

I barely knew the guy, but he hated me with a passion that felt personal.

I stayed there for a long time, my face buried in my knees.

The excitement of having my own dorm, the joy of the gift from my parents- it was all gone, replaced by a cold, hollow fear of the man living right behind my wall.

I wasn’t just a neighbor to him.

I was a target. Someone he can easily maneuver because his more dominant looking than me. And I had no idea how I was going to survive the rest of the semester with him so close.

Habang naglalakad ako pabalik sa dorm, ang bawat hakbang ko ay parang may nakakabit na kadena.

The weight of Nicollo’s words was sinking into my skin, turning into a familiar, suffocating coldness.

Baklang

uhaw

.

Freak.

Nakakasuka

.

Tumigil ako sa gitna ng hallway, at napasandal nalang sa pader dahil biglang lumabo ang paningin ko.

Hindi lang ito dahil sa nangyari sa cafe.

It was the way he said it-the sheer, unfiltered venom in his voice.

It was a frequency I knew too well.

Suddenly, hindi na yung puting pader ng university dorm ang nakikita ko. Napalitan iyon ng isang lugar na pamilyar saakin.

Isang lugar na pilit kong binabaon sa limot.

I was fourteen again, cornered

sa likod

ng gym, the smell of dust and old sweat filling my lungs.

There were three of them.

Silas

, the leader, was grinning-that same jagged, predator smile na nakita ko kay Nicollo kanina.

“

Ano, Given? Ba’t ang ganda mo yata masyado ngayon?“

Silas had sneered, pushing me against the lockers.

“Sabi nila,

nagpapaganda

ka daw para

saming

mga lalake. Bakit gusto mo bang

pwetan

ka ng mga lalake kaya

naggagaganyan

ka?!“

I tried to scream, but a hand slammed over my mouth.

“

Huwag

kang

maingay

, baby. Test lang ’to. Testing-an natin kung mag-e-enjoy ka. If you like what we’re about to do, it means you’re a faggot. Kapag hindi, eh ’di straight ka. Para

malaman

mo rin kung anong

pakiramdam

ng burat sa loob mo, di ba gusto ng mga bakla yon?“

Experiment lang to, pag

umungol

ka

bugbog

ka samin ha“

The memory hit me like a physical blow on my stomach.

I felt the phantom pressure of their hands- so many hands -pinning me down into the cold metal of the lockers biting into my back.

They didn’t just hurt me; they wrecked me.

They took my body and turned it into humiliation.

Experiment

, sabi nga nila, habang tinatawanan ang bawat luha at bawat pakiusap ko.

“Stop… please stop,”

I whispered now, my voice cracking in the empty hallway.

I fumbled for my keycard, my fingers shaking so violently that I dropped it twice.

Ang tunog ng plastic sa tiles ay parang kulog sa pandinig ko.

I finally got inside my room and slammed the door, locking it and sliding down until I was curled up on the floor.

I covered my ears, but the voices were inside my head now.

“

Eninjoy

mo naman, ’di ba? Bakla ka talagang puta ka!

Hindot

!.“

Kahit na nakulong na sila-at kahit na tumestigo ako at nakita ko silang dinala ng mga pulis-it didn’t matter.

The jail cells couldn’t hold the ghosts that haunt me.

The trauma didn’t stay in that gym; it followed me here, into this new life, into this new room.

I thought the distance from my hometown would erase the victim in me, but Nicollo found him in less than five minutes.

“

Hindi ako

ganoon

… hindi ako

ganoon

,“

I sobbed into my knees, my chest heaving.

The worst part wasn’t just what Nicollo said.

It was the fact that he used the exact same script as my tormentors.

He looked at me and saw the same “freak” that Silas saw.

No matter how much I try to bury it, no matter how many times my parents tell me I’m safe now, the world keeps reminding me that I’m just a target.

Niyakap ko ang sarili ko, trying to stop the trembling, but the air in the room felt tainted.

I could still feel the phantom weight of those boys on top of me, testing my identity with their cruelty.

It was a debt I never asked for, yet I was still paying for it every single day

.

How am I supposed to live next door to a man who sounds exactly like the people who destroyed me? I didn’t just lose my dignity in that gym years ago- I lost my sense of safety.

And today, Nicollo took the little bit that I had left.

CHAPTER 3

GIVEN

Nanatili akong nakahiga sa malamig na tiles ng unit ko nang halos isang oras. Hindi ako gumagalaw. Nakatitig lang ako sa ilalim ng kama, pinapanood ang mga alikabok na sumasayaw sa maliit na sinag ng araw mula sa bintana.

My face felt tight and itchy mula sa natuyo kong luha, habang may pamilyar na bigat na parang may nakadagan na bato sa dibdib ko.

Pero bandang hapon, kusa nang nagrebelde ang sikmura ko.

The hunger was sharp and physical, a reminder na kailangan ko pa ring kumilos kahit pakiramdam ko ay gumuho na ang mundo ko kaninang umaga.

I forced myself to stand up, though my limbs felt like lead.

“Kailangan kong kumain,” pabulong kong sabi sa sarili ko.

Nilista ko sa isip ko ang kailangan- itlog, gulay, baka pwedeng mag-sinigang.

Cooking was the only thing that made me feel like I had control over something.

Nagsuot ako ng maluwag na hoodie, pulling the strings tight para matabunan ang kalahati ng mukha ko, and headed to the nearby grocery store. I kept my head down the whole time, avoiding every reflective surface sa hallway.

Habang namimili ako ng sibuyas sa produce section, a shadow suddenly loomed over me.

Bago pa ako makatingin sa itaas, narinig ko ang mahinang tawanan na pamilyar sa pandinig ko.

My blood went cold. Instinctively, my shoulders hunched up to my ears, and I almost dropped the basket I was holding.

Lumingon ako nang dahan-dahan at nakita ko silang tatlo- the guys from the cafe.

The friends of Nicollo.

“Wait, ikaw ’yung sa kanina, ’di ba? ’Yung kapitbahay ni Nic?” sabi nung isa, stepping closer into my personal space.

“Please… please huwag,” I blurted out, my voice cracking as I took a sharp step back until my spine hit the refrigerated shelf ng mga frozen meat.

I held my hands up, palms out- a defensive gesture na parang naka-program na sa katawan ko.

“Huwag niyo akong saktan. I’m leaving. Aalis na ako, promise. Hindi na ako lalapit sa kanya.”

“Whoa, hey! Chill, man. Kalma lang,” sabi nung lalaking matangkad, putting his hands up too para ipakita na wala siyang masamang balak.

I recognized him- siya ’yung parang boses ng

kumakatuwiran

sa kanila kanina. If I’m not mistaken, he is Gianluca.

“Hindi ka namin sasaktan, I swear,” dagdag pa niya, looking genuinely alarmed sa reaksyon ko.

“I’m Gianluca. And these are my friends, Fabio and Vincenzo.”

I looked at the other two.

Fabio was just leaning against a grocery cart, while Vincenzo was watching me with a mix of curiosity and a bit of guilt.

I lowered my hands slowly, pero hindi pa rin nawawala ang panginginig ng mga binti ko.

“Sorry,” I managed to say, my breath coming in short, jagged hitches.

“I just… I thought susugurin niyo ako.”

“Listen, Given, right?” Gianluca sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as if he was embarrassed.

“We actually wanted to say sorry for what Nicollo did earlier. Sobrang foul nun, even for him. He’s… he’s just like that because of some heavy shit he went through before. Trauma, you know? It’s not an excuse, pero iyon ang dahilan kung bakit siya ganoon ka-paranoid sa mga tao.”

Hindi niya in-explain nang mpaayos kung ano ’yung trauma na ’yun, but the word alone made me freeze.

I looked at them, my fear slowly being replaced by a weary kind of understanding.

“I get it. I can understand what he’s feeling,” I said softly, my grip tightening on my basket.

“But everyone has a history, Gianluca. Lahat ng tao may posibilidad na traumatized din, pero pinipili lang naming itago para makapamuhay nang normal.”

I looked Gianluca straight in the eyes, my voice gaining a bit of strength na hindi ko akalaing meron ako.

“It’s understandable if you feel like a victim, lalo na kung maraming taon kang sinaktan. Pero fault mo na kung mamamatay kang kinakaawaan ang sarili mo nang hindi mo man lang sinusubukang magbago para sa sarili mo.”

Natahimik silang tatlo.

Vincenzo stopped fidgeting with his phone and looked at me differently now- i don’t know what it is but i know it’s different from the way he looks at me kanina.

“I’m trying,” I continued, the words feeling raw and honest in my throat.

“Kahit mahirap, kahit bawat hakbang ko ay may kasamang takot, I’m trying to move forward. I hope and wish he could do the same. Para naman maging tao siya sa mga tao sa paligid niya, hindi ’yung parang laging nakikipag-giyera sa multo ng nakaraan niya.”

Nang tumalikod ako sa kanila, naramdaman ko agad ang biglang pag-init ng buong mukha ko.

“Shit. Bakit ko sinabi ’yun? I practically ran toward the checkout counter, my heart thumping against my ribs in a different kind of panic.

Hindi na ito takot na baka saktan nila ako; it was the realization na nag-overshare na naman ako sa mga taong halos hindi ko naman kilala.

I hate this part of myself- the way I accidentally peel back my own skin whenever someone shows even a tiny bit of genuine concern.

“Lahat ng tao may posibilidad na traumatized din…”

My own words echoed in my head like a mockery.

Inamin ko na sa kanila.

I basically told Nicollo’s best friends that I’m broken too.

“Tanga mo talaga, Given,” pabulong kong mura habang nagbabayad.

I grabbed my grocery bags and walked out of the store, my grip so tight na bumaon na ang plastic sa palad ko. I felt exposed, parang naglakad ako sa gitna ng ulan nang walang damit.

Pero habang papalapit ako sa building ng dorm, something inside me shifted.

Maybe it was the adrenaline or maybe I was just tired of being the one who always flinches.

Tumingala ako sa fourth floor, sa bintana ng unit ko.

I can’t live like this.

Hindi pwedeng habambuhay akong nanginginig tuwing may makakasalubong sa hallway.

I didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one who was wronged years ago, and I’m the one who got shouted at yesterday.

“Toughen up, Given. Isang sem pa ’to,” I whispered, forcing my chin up.

I headed straight for the elevator. My heart was still racing because the possibility of the doors opening to Nicollo’s face was high, but I didn’t turn back. I stood there, watching the numbers flicker- 1, 2, 3…Ding.

The doors slid open.

Dahan-dahan akong sumilip sa hallway, my breath hitched in my throat.

I scanned the long stretch of carpet toward 402 and 403.

Empty

.

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

Safe

.

Mabilis akong naglakad patungo sa pinto ko, the silence of the hallway feeling like a small victory.

I swiped my card, entered, and immediately locked the door behind me. I leaned against the wood for a second, just listening to the quiet of my own space.

“Okay. Let’s just cook,” I told myself, trying to shake off the lingering image of Nicollo’s eyes.

I went to the small kitchenette and started prepping.

The rhythmic sound of the knife against the chopping board- slicing the onions, the tomatoes, the radish- slowly calmed my nerves.

Sumingaw ang bango ng sinigang sa buong unit habang kumukulo ang sabaw. There was something comforting about the sour, savory steam hitting my face.

For a moment, as I stirred the pot, the world felt small and manageable again.

Habang pinapanood ko ang pag-ikot ng sabaw sa kaserola, napagtanto ko na masyadong marami ang nailagay kong tubig at gulay. Pang-isang pamilya yata ang naluto ko, hindi pang-isang tao na balisa pa ang sikmura.

I wiped my damp hands on my shorts and grabbed my phone.

Isa lang naman ang pwedeng dumamay sa akin dito sa Manila nang hindi ako kailangang mag-paliwanag nang mahaba.

Given Martinez

Kai, luto na ang sinigang. Sobrang dami nito, baka gusto mong dumaan? Room 403.

Kai Chen

GAGU?! SINIGANG?! On the way na ako, sawang sawa narin kasi ako sa nutring kaya maiba naman .

Given Martinez

Gaga ka, ang halay mo! Pumunta ka na dito! HAHAHAHA.

Napangiti ako nang bahagya.

Si Kai ay isang Tourism student dito rin sa university, at kung mayroon mang taong kayang magpaingay ng kahit anong silid, siya na ’yun.

Eksaktong pitong minuto ang lumipas nang makarinig ako ng sunod-sunod na katok- yung ritwal na katok niya na parang may emergency.

Na animo’y may sunog sa sobrang pagmamadali ng bruhang to, kahit tunog ng mga yabag ng paa niya ay kilala ko na, lalong lalo na ang pamamaraan ng pagkatok niya na bubulabugin ang buong baranggay sa lakas.

Pagbukas ko ng pinto, bumungad ang nakangising mukha ni Kai, bitbit ang isang supot ng… chichirya?

“Hoy, Given! Bakit parang namumutla ka? Pinaglihi ka ba sa labanos na niluto mo? Of sadyang wala kang lalake” bungad niya sabay pasok, at hindi na naghintay na patuluyin ko muna siya.

Inilapag niya ang dalang sitsirya sa counter.

“O, pang-himagas. Healthy living tayo, ’di ba?”

“Sira. Naparami lang ’yung luto ko,” sabi ko, sinusubukang itago ang pagod sa boses ko habang naghahanda ng plato.

Umupo si Kai sa stool at suminghot sa hangin.

“Grabe! Namiss ko to! Puro karenderia lang kasi sa labas ng Univ ang laging ruta ko sa tuwing nagugutom ako. Carenderia sa umaga, hapon at gabi, at ratbu naman as a midnight snack” ang bastos nitong saad sabay lagay ng hintuturo sakanyang bibig.

Natawa ako nang mahina habang nagsasalin ng sabaw. “Gaga ka! Kapag marinig ka ni Tita baka sampigain na naman yang bibig mo” ang natatawa kong sambit.

“Totoo kaya! Pero teka,” seryoso siyang tumingin sa akin, yung tingin na alam mong binabasa niya ang bawat linya sa mukha ko.

“Seriously, Given. You look… off. May nangyari ba? May nang-away ba sa ’yo rito? Sabihin mo lang, gagamitan ko ang power blue job na meron ako para manghina sila! With consent ofc”

Umiling ako, iniiwas ang tingin.

“Wala nga. Pagod lang ako dahil kakalipat ko ngalang diba.”

“Sus, wag ako, pinsan. Simula elementary, alam ko na kung kailan ka ‘pagod’ at kung kailan ka ‘sad girl ft. Lana Del Rey.’ Pero sige, kakain muna tayo kasi baka maiyak ako sa sarap nito, ayaw kong mahaluan ng luha ang kanin. Baka di nako magkalalake”

Habang kumakain kami, walang tigil si Kai sa pagkukwento tungkol sa mga terror prof niya at sa mga nakakatawang pinanggagawa niya sa mock tour nila kaninang umaga.

Sa bawat hirit niya, unti-unting lumuluwag ang dibdib ko. For the first time today, hindi ko naisip si Nicollo.

Ang tanging naririnig ko lang ay ang boses ng pinsan ko na pilit akong pinapatawa sa gitna ng sarili kong gulo.

“Hoy, Given,” sabi ni Kai habang ngumunguya ng kangkong.

“Whatever it is, andito lang ako, ha? Kahit kailangan ko pang mag-commute mula sa kabilang dulo ng mundo, pupuntahan kita basta may pagkain lang. You know I’m a sucker for food and dicks.

You’re doing great, okay? Maganda ka kaya, kaya wag kang nagpaapi lang ng basta. Andami mong pinagdaanan na masalimuot, pero heto ka at lumalaban!“

Naramdaman ko ang init sa mga mata ko, pero hindi ito yung iyak ng takot.

It was relief.

“Salamat, Kai. Kain ka pa,” sabi ko, dahan-dahang sinusubo ang unang mainit na sabaw sakanyang bunganga.

“Ayyyyy pota ka te mainit!!!” Ang gulat niyang sambit na ikinatawa ko ng hagalpak sabay sorry habang tumatawa.

Sa sandaling iyon, sa loob ng maliit na unit ko na amoy sinigang at puno ng tawa ni Kai, naramdaman kong baka nga… baka nga kaya ko itong lagpasan.

Isa lang naman siyang problema na madaling solusyonan, kinaya ko nga noon na mas grabe pa eh. Ano pa ngayon? __

NICOLLO

Nakaupo ako sa tapat ng laptop ko, pilit na tinatapos ang isang plate para sa Engineering class ko, pero hindi ako makapag-focus.

Hindi dahil sa hirap ng math, kundi dahil sa amoy na unti-unting sumusuot sa ilalim ng pinto ko.

Sinigang.

And not just any cheap, instant sinigang.

Amoy ng totoong sampalok, yung nanunuot ang asim at may kasamang bango ng bagong saing na kanin.

My stomach growled, a traitorous sound in the middle of my quiet unit.

Sinigang was my ultimate weakness- the only thing that could actually make me feel human after a long day.

“Si Mikael ’to,” saisip ko.

Mikael, my buddy in Room 401, was a self-proclaimed chef. Madalas siyang magluto at madalas din kaming mag-share kapag tinatamad akong bumaba para kumain.

I can’t cook, but I always cooked. You know what I mean? Hell yeah!

I shoved my chair back, the screech of wood against the floor echoing my hunger.

Hindi na ako nag-isip. I dragged myself out of my room, my mouth watering as the scent grew stronger in the hallway.

I headed straight for 401 and pounded on the door.

“Hoy, Mikael! Buksan mo ’to, amoy hanggang labas ’yang niluluto mo!” sigaw ko, not even bothering to be polite.

“Pahingi ako, gago. Gutom na gutom ako.”

The door swung open abruptly, but instead of the smell of tamarind broth, I was hit with the heavy scent of perfume and sweat.

Mikael stood there, completely naked, his face flushed and his hair a bird’s nest of tangles.

Behind him, I could hear a muffled giggle from a girl on the bed.

“Ano ba, Nicollo?!” singhal ni Mikael, halatang iritadong-iritado.

Pinunasan niya ang pawis sa noo niya gamit ang likod ng kamay niya.

“Can’t you see I’m busy? Kita mong may ginagawa ako, eh!”

“Luto mo ’yung sinigang?” tanong ko, ignoring his state of undress. Only a towel is covering his whole nakedness.

“Pahingi lang, tapos aalis na ako.”

“Sinigang?! Gago ka ba? Wala akong niluluto ngayon!” bulyaw niya, pointing his finger at me.

“Kanina pa ako ‘nagpapakain’ dito pero hindi pagkain ang sineserve ko! Umalis ka na nga, baka kung ano pang gawin ko sa ’yo!”

“

Blag

!“

Padaskol niyang isinara ang pinto sa pagmumukha ko.

I stood there in the hallway, stunned. If it wasn’t Mikael, then who-Unti-unti akong lumingon sa kabilang pinto.

Room 403.

The scent was definitely coming from there.

Sa unit nung… nung lalambutin na ’yun.

Yung sinigawan ko kanina sa cafe.

The realization hit me like a bucket of ice water.

Hindi ko mapaliwanag ang nararamdaman ko-hunger fighting with pride, and pride fighting with pure, unadulterated loathing.

Gusto kong sipain ang pinto niya. Gusto kong sumigaw na itigil niya ang pagluluto ng paborito ko dahil nakaka-distract.

Pero nanatili lang akong nakatayo doon, smelling the steam that wafted from his unit.

Behind his door, I could hear faint laughter-isang boses na masayahin at kalog, at yung mahinang tawa ni Given na parang ngayon ko lang narinig.

They’re celebrating,“ isip ko. “Celebrating what? Ano namang ikakacelebrate ng mga to, knowing how I throw all the nastiest things that I could say to him.

But I still don’t care, because he deserves that, all of them deserves that kind of treatment.

I turned around and marched back into my own room, slamming the door harder than I intended.

The silence of my unit felt suffocating now, especially with the ghost of that sinigang smell lingering in the vents.

I walked to my kitchenette, my jaw tight.

Binuksan ko ang cabinet at kumuha ng isang cup of noodles- spicy seafood flavor.

I boiled the water, the electric kettle’s hiss sounding like a mockery of the rich, savory broth na alam kong kinakain nila sa kabilang kwarto.

I sat back down at my desk, staring at the steam rising from my cheap, instant meal.

I poked the dry noodles with a plastic fork, the bitter taste of my own anger more prominent than the seasoning.

I loathed him. I hated his face, I hated his voice, and now, I hated the fact that even his cooking had the power to get under my skin.

“Kainin mo ’yan, Nicollo,” bulong ko sa sarili ko, forcing a mouthful of the salty noodles down my throat.

Naupo ako sa harap ng cup noodles ko, pero hindi ko man lang maipasok ang tinidor sa bibig ko.

The smell of that real sinigang from Room 403 was mocking me, seeped into the very fabric of my curtains.

Bigla ko na namang naalala ’yung nangyari sa cafe kanina- ang huling pag-uusap namin nina Gianluca bago ako nag-walk out sa kanila.

FLASHBACK

“Nic, sumobra ka na,” seryosong sabi ni Gianluca pagkaalis nung bata. Hindi siya nakatingin sa akin; nakatingin siya sa pinto kung saan lumabas si Given.

“That was foul, pre. You don’t just say those things to someone you don’t even know.”

“Anong hindi kilala? I know his type, Luca! Alam niyo ’yan!” sigaw ko, slamming my hand on the table.

“No, you don’t,” sabat ni Vincenzo, his usual chill demeanor gone.

“Hindi lahat ng tao ay ’yung lalakeng nanakit sa ’yo noon. You’re turning into the very person you hate- isang bully. To be honest, Nic, it’s hard to stay on your side when you’re acting like a complete dick to a kid who just tried to give you coffee.”

“Fuck all of you,” I hissed, grabbing my bag.

“Kung gusto niyo siyang kampihan, ’di sige. Doon na lang kayo sa kanya. Maybe you like him because of his pretty face! Ano?! Porket mukhang maamo at maganda ganyan na kayo! Fuck this shit!”

I left them there, my heart thumping with a mix of betrayal and rage as I walk out of that place.

But deep down, I knew they were just waiting for me to cool off.

Magkakaibigan kami since high school; they know my triggers.

Alam kong bukas o makalawa, okay na ulit kami, pero ang bigat pa rin sa loob na pati sila, hindi nila ako naintindihan.

END OF FLASHBACK

I pushed the cup noodles away.

Nakakasuka ang amoy ng artificial flavor.

If that kid can cook a five-star smelling sinigang, then so can I.

Engineering student ako-everything is a process, a formula. Mapapantayan ko ’yung amoy na ’yun. Hihigitan ko pa!

Tumayo ako, kinuha ang susi ng kotse, at lumabas.

This was my first time actually “grocery shopping.”

Usually, ang laman lang ng ref ko ay beer, tubig, at kung anong ipinapadala ni Mama tuwing weekend.

Pagdating sa supermarket, pakiramdam ko ay nasa ibang planeta ako. I stood in the middle of the produce section, staring at a pile of green leaves.

“Is this kangkong or sitaw?” Gago, hindi ko alam. I had to discreetly pull out my phone and search: “Sinigang ingredients for beginners.”

“Okay… baboy, sampalok mix, labanos, kangkong…” bulong ko sa sarili ko habang naglalakad sa aisles.

I felt ridiculous.

I was picking up a radish like it was some kind of foreign artifact. Napatingin ako sa paligid, paranoid na baka may makakilala sa akin na Engineering student at makitang hirap na hirap akong mamili ng talong at kung ano pang ingredients para sa putaheng lulutuin ko.

I grabbed the most expensive cut of pork, thinking that better quality would compensate for my lack of skill.

Pagbalik ko sa dorm, bitbit ang dalawang supot ng groceries, habang tiwala sa sarili at determinasyon lang ang nagpapatakbo sa akin para gawin ang lahat ng ito.

I laid everything out on my small kitchen counter.

My cooking skills were below average- hell, they were non-existent. I once burned an egg because I forgot I was frying it.

Pero hindi ako pwedeng magpatalo.

“If that freak can do it, I can do it better,” I muttered, grabbing a knife.

I started hacking at the pork, my movements clumsy and aggressive.

I wanted to drown out the scent from next door with my own.

I wanted to prove that I didn’t need anything from anyone- especially not from someone who reminded me of the darkest years of my life.

Nagsimula akong magpakulo ng tubig, ang mga mata ko ay nakatutok sa kaldero na parang giyera ito pinapasukan ko sa sobrang seryoso ko.

I was going to cook the best damn sinigang this building had ever smelled, kahit pa masunog ko ang buong unit na ’to sa proseso.

CHAPTER 4

NICOLLO

Nilagay ko ang unang subo ng sarili kong luto sa bibig ko.

Tumitig ako sa kawalan, dahan-dahang nginunguya ang baboy na medyo makunat pa at ang sabaw na… sabihin na nating “pwede na.” Hehe.

It wasn’t a disaster.

Naluto naman ang labanos, at lasang sinigang naman siya dahil sa dami ng sinigang mix na ibinuhos ko. Mga 3 packs ata ang nalagay ko, kaya naman lasap na lasap ang sinigang taste. Hehe.

Pero kumpara sa amoy na nanggagaling sa Room 403 kanina, ang akin naman ay parang photocopy lang-malabo, kulang sa buhay, at walang “linamnam.”

It was edible, sure, but it wasn’t “comforting”.

It was just a meal cooked out of spite.

I sighed, leaning back in my chair and staring at my reflecton in the dark window.

“Ang sarap ko pala magluto” bulong ko sa sarili ko, trying to justify the mediocre taste.

Pero habang hinihigop ko ang sabaw, unti-unting nawala ang atensyon ko sa pagkain.

The building was quiet at this hour, and since our units shared a common wall near the dining area, naging malinaw ang mga boses mula sa kabilang kwarto.

I didn’t mean to eavesdrop-at least, iyon ang sinasabi ko sa sarili ko-pero hindi ko magawang igalaw ang kutsara ko nang marinig ko ang halakhak nung kasama niya.

“Gago, Given! Akala ko ba matalino ka? Bakit hindi mo alam kung paano mag-commute papuntang Quiapo?” narinig kong sabi nung kasama niya.

Narinig ko naman ang mahinang tawa ni Given. It was soft, light, and completely different from the shaky, terrified voice he had in the cafe.

“Huwag mo nga akong tawanan. Sabi ni Mama, delikado raw doon, baka daw mawala ako.”

“Sus! Sasamahan kita! Tourism student ang kasama mo, ’wag kang kabahan. Itotour kita doon, kakain tayo ng mami, tapos bibili tayong charms para hindi ka na malasin sa mga halimaw na umaaway sayo dito sa dorm,” hirit ng kausap niya, followed by another round of laughter.

I froze, my spoon halfway to my mouth.

“Halimaw”

Alam kong ako ang tinutukoy nila.

My grip tightened on the handle of my spoon. Gusto kong sumigaw, gusto kong kalampagin ang pader at sabihing hindi ako halimaw, na may rason ako kung bakit ako ganoon. As if naman hindi rin sila halimaw? Sa pagpapantasya palang nila sa mga lalake ay isa nang gawain ng isang imoral na halimaw.

Pero nanatili akong tahimik, parang estatwa sa sarili kong lamesa.

“Kai, ’wag ka namang ganyan,” sabi ni Given, his voice dropping a bit.

“He’s just… I think he’s going through something. Sabi nung mga friends niya kanina sa grocery, may trauma raw siya. Hindi ko lang alam kung ano, pero kahit na demonyo siya pagdating sakin, baka naman grabe lang ang pinagdaanan niya”

“Trauma? Lahat naman tayo may ganoon, Given. Ikaw nga, ’di ba-”

“Kai, stop,” Given interrupted him quickly.

“Ayaw ko nang pag-usapan ’yun. I’m trying to move on, remember? New school, new room. Ayaw ko nang bitbitin ’yung sa banyo ng dati nating school dito.”

Natahimik ang kabilang kwarto sandali.

I found myself leaning closer to the wall, my heart hammering against my ribs.

“Banyo?”

What happened to him in a bathroom?

“Sorry, Given. Nadala lang ako,” mahinahong sabi ni Kai.

“Pero promise me, ha? Kapag sinaktan ka ulit nung lalakeng ’yun, isusumbong ko kay Tita. O kaya, ako mismo ang sasabunot sa kanya, kahit puno pa siya ng tattoo sa katawan.”

“Sira ka talaga, atsaka malaking lalake yang si Nicollo no. Hindi natin kaya yon kahit tayo pang dalawa” tawa ni Given.

I looked down at my own bowl of sinigang.

Biglang nawalan ako ng gana. The soup felt cold, and the meat felt like cardboard in my mouth.

I was listening to a boy who was genuinely trying to survive, just like I was.

Pero sa halip na makakita ng kakampi, ang nakikita ko sa kanya ay yung multo ng lalakeng sumira sa akin.

I hated him because he reminded me of my weakness, but hearing him now… he sounded more like me than I wanted to admit.

I pushed my bowl away and stood up, the sound of their continued chatter and light clinking of plates fading as I walked toward my bed.

I laid there in the dark, the scent of my own mediocre cooking still lingering in the air, feeling more like a monster than I ever had before. __

Kinabukasan, maaga pa lang ay narinig ko na ang sunod-sunod na katok sa pinto ko.

Hindi ko na kailangang sumilip sa peephole para malaman kung sino ang mga ’to.

Pagbukas ko, pumasok agad sina Gianluca, Fabio, at Vincenzo na may dalang box ng pizza at kape, na parang hindi kami nag-away kahapon sa cafe.

“O, kape. Pampakalma ng nerves,” sambit ni Fabio sabay lapag ng cup sa desk ko.

Naupo sila sa sofa ko, pero ramdam ko ang kakaibang katahimikan.

Hindi sila agad nagbiro, na ibang iba sa nakasanayan naming bardagulan kaagad.

Si Gianluca, na siyang pinaka-observant sa lahat, ay nakatingin lang sa direksyon ng pader na pumapagitan samin ni Given.

“Nic,” panimula ni Gianluca, ang boses niya ay seryoso pero hindi mapanghusga.

“Nakita namin ’yung bata kahapon sa grocery. Si Given.”

Kumunot ang noo ko, pero hindi ako sumagot. I just leaned against the kitchen counter, crossing my arms.

“He’s dealing with his own shit, Nic. I’m telling you,” dagdag ni Vincenzo.

“Noong nakita niya kami, halos himatayin siya sa takot. He wasn’t just ‘startled.’ He was terrified, parang akala niya ay sasaktan namin siya physically. The way he reacted… it’s a look we’ve seen before.”

Tiningnan nila ako nang matagal.

They didn’t have to say it. Alam kong ang tinutukoy nila ay ’yung sarili kong reaksyon noong mga unang buwan matapos mangyari ’yung sa akin.

’Yung panginginig, ’yung pag-iwas sa tao, ’yung laging defensive.

“Cut him some slack, pre,” sabi ni Fabio.

“Hindi namin sinasabing maging best friends kayo, pero stop that attitude. You of all people should know that trauma doesn’t always look like tattoos and anger.

Minsan, it looks like a kid who has a small and petite features like Given.“

Huminga ako nang malalim, ang bigat sa dibdib ko ay tila lalong nadagdagan.

I wanted to stay angry. Gusto kong maniwala na ’yung tingin niya sa akin noong lumabas ako ng banyo ay puno ng pagnanasa.

That image of him standing there, mesmerized and stunned by my naked body, is still burned into my brain.

It triggers me because that’s exactly how “he” looked at me before everything went wrong.

“Hindi ko alam,” bulong ko, my voice raspy.

“Whenever I see his face, I just remember… everything. Especially the way he looked at me. It felt too familiar.”

“Nic, listen,” Gianluca stood up and placed a hand on my shoulder.

“Maybe he was just shocked. Magugulat naman talaga ang kahit sino. Just… try to be civil. As long as he doesn’t bother you and he doesn’t barge in again, leave him be.

He’s just a neighbor, not an enemy.“

I looked at my friends.

I knew they were right, but the pride and the fear inside me were still fighting a war. I remembered what I heard through the wall last night-Given’s shaky voice saying he’s trying to be brave.

“Fine,” I finally said, looking away.

“As long as he stays in his lane and doesn’t cross mine, I won’t go after him. Pero don’t expect me to be nice. I’m not ready for that.”

“Small steps, pre,” sabi ni Vincenzo sabay abot ng pizza slice sa akin

“At least hindi mo na siya gustong isumpa sa kabilang buhay. Improvement na ’yan.”

I took the pizza, but my eyes drifted back to the wall of Room 403.

Maybe they were right. Maybe he was just another ghost in a different shell, fighting his own demons in the dark. I decided then that I would ignore him-not out of hate, but as a silent agreement to let each other survive in peace.

Hangga’t hindi siya lumalapit, nananatili ang katahimikan sa pagitan naming dalawa. At iyon ang pinakamalaking pabor na maibibigay ko sa sakanya. __

GIVEN

The morning sun of the second semester didn’t feel as welcoming as the handbooks promised.

It was humid, the kind of heat that made your uniform stick to your back before you even reached the lecture hall.

For a Nutrition and Dietetics student, the first day was a marathon of theories and the inevitable, soul-crushing cycle of self-introductions.

“I’m Given. I chose this course because I want to understand how we can heal through what we consume,” I’d practiced that line at least ten times in front of my bathroom mirror.

When I finally said it in front of the class, my voice didn’t shake as much as it used to.

It was a small win, a quiet start to a semester I hoped would be invisible.

By 3:00 PM, I was done.

I headed to the main lobby to wait for Kai. I found a spot near a concrete pillar, scrolling through my phone to avoid eye contact with the passing crowds.

“Hoy, Dietitian!”

I looked up to see Kai jogging toward me.

He looked annoyingly fresh in his Tourism uniform- the vest was crisp, and his hair was perfectly gelled back, not a single strand out of place despite the heat.

“Grabe, Given. First day pa lang pero pakiramdam ko kailangan ko na ng career shift. Andami ngang gwapo sa department namin pero halos lahat bottomesa naman” he groaned, leaning his weight on my shoulder.

I chuckled, shifting my bag. “May iba ka pa bang gagawin if wala na. Let’s go na, I’m starving.”

“Tara. Pero bago ang lahat, kailangan ko muna ng iced coffee. My brain is currently at 2% battery, iyon lang ang makakabuhay sa tuyot kong lalamuna-”

Kai’s sentence died in his throat.

He went rigid beside me, his eyes widening as he looked past my shoulder.

I turned around, expecting another crowd of students, but instead, I saw three figures walking straight toward us.

It was Gianluca, Vincenzo, and Fabio.

They looked like they stepped out of a magazine- casual but expensive, with that effortless confidence that only people with nothing to lose seem to have.

“Hey, Given! Sakto, paalis na ba kayo?” Gianluca greeted us with a smile that was far too bright for a Monday afternoon.

I felt Kai’s grip on my arm tighten to a point of pain.

He didn’t say a word. He just stood there, looking like a deer caught in high-beam headlights.

“Uhm, yeah. Papunta na sana kaming cafe,” I answered, trying to keep my voice steady.

“Bakit?”

“May rooftop party mamaya for the Engineering and Tourism department. But all other departments could join. Just a mixer for the start of the sem,” Vincenzo chimed in, leaning against a nearby bench.

“We’re heading there around 8:00 PM. We were thinking you should come.”

I blinked, confused.

“Me? Why?”

“Actually, it’s a peace offering,” Gianluca added, his tone becoming a bit more sincere.

“Para naman mawala na yung tension nitong dalawa from the cafe incident.

We want to start the sem on a good note. No drama, just drinks and some music lang. Isama mo na rin siya.“

I opened my mouth to say I had a date with my textbooks, but my eyes drifted to the parking lot about ten meters behind them.

Nicollo was there.

He was leaning against his black Raptor, arms crossed over his chest, looking like he was five seconds away from committing a crime.

He was sweating, his jaw was set, and he was glaring at his watch before looking back at us with pure irritation.

“I think… pass muna kami. We have a lot of stuff to organize sa dorm,” I started.

“Actually! We’re free! G kami!” Kai suddenly blurted out.

I snapped my head toward him.

He was grinning like a madman, though his eyes were frantic.

Gianluca chuckled, clearly amused by the sudden enthusiasm.

“Nice. Chat ko na lang sa’yo yung details, Given. See you guys later,” Gianluca said, giving me a quick pat on the shoulder before the three of them turned and walked back to the car.

The moment the Raptor roared to life and sped out of the campus gate, I rounded on Kai.

“Ano ’yun?! Akala ko ba tatapusin natin yung series tonight?” I hissed.

“And you saw Nicollo! He looks like he wants to strangle me, Kai!”

Kai didn’t answer immediately.

He let out a long, shaky breath and fanned his face with his hand.

“Given… you have no idea who that was, do you?”

“Si Gianluca? Obviously. Friend ni Nicollo.”

“No, Given. He wasn’t just ‘Gianluca.’ He was the reason I cried in my pillow for three years straight,” Kai whispered, his humor replaced by a sudden, raw honesty.

“He was my ultimate crush since Grade 7. I moved to this university partly because I knew he was here. I used to write him letters I never sent. Kahit nga fanfic smut na kaming dalawa ang bida ay sinulat ko, sa sobrang obsessed ko sakanya”

I froze. “Wait, seriously? Akala ko si Ricci iyon”

“Duh, his full name is Gianluca Fuentes Ricci. Siya pa rin yon, Ricci lang ang tawag ko sakanya non dahil cute ko yung surname niya. But I stopped my feelings for him during freshman year,” Kai laughed, though it sounded a bit hollow.

“I saw him at a victory party kissing Alana, yung cheer captain. It was like watching a movie where I wasn’t even an extra. So I decided to bury my feelings nalang.

Straight as an arrow yung tao, and way out of my league.“

He looked at me, his eyes searching mine.

“But Given… how are you so chill? Do you know how many people would kill to have those three talk to them like that? They’re the ‘royalty’ here. And you just acted like they were asking for directions.”

I looked toward the gate where the black truck had vanished. “To me, they’re just people, Kai. And ang OA naman ng description mo, parang tinalo pa sila Queen Elizabeth” ang sambit ko pa na ikinairap lang nito.

“Girl, mamaya, magbibihis tayo.

If you’re going there to make peace, I’m going there to find the closure I needed. Para once and for all ay matapos na talaga tong kabaliwan ko sakanya,“ Kai said, regaining his usual spark.

“One night won’t kill us, right?”

I looked at him and sighed. .

I had a bad feeling about this.

“ Fine. But the moment Nicollo starts yelling, we’re leaving.“

CHAPTER 5

GIVEN

Pagdating namin sa unit ni Kai, halos hindi ko na makita ang sahig.

Nakakalat ang mga hangers, sapatos, at iba’t ibang tela na parang may dumaang buhawi.

Kai was in full “creative director” mode- iyun

bang seryoso ang mukha at mabilis ang bawat kilos, na biglang

maninigaw

kapag

madistract

mo na

hinding

hindi mo pwedeng

gambalain

.

“Kai, seryoso, okay na ako sa black polo ko,” pakiusap ko habang nakatayo sa gilid, pinapanood siyang maghalungkat sa dulo ng closet niya.

“Ayokong mag-overdress. Baka isipin nila masyado akong nag-effort para sa kanila.”

“Given, listen to me,” hirit ni Kai nang hindi man lang lumingon.

“This isn’t about them. This is about “you”. After what happened sa cafe, kailangan mong pumasok sa kwartong ’yun na parang ikaw ang may-ari ng building. Stand there like you own every buildings in the campus.“

“Pero-”

“No ‘peros.’ Isuot mo ’to. Now na.” Inabutan niya ako ng isang set ng itim na tela.

Nang ilatag ko ito sa kama, dahan-dahang nalaglag ang panga ko.

“Ano to? Baka naman tubuan ako ng pakpak nito at maging si Angela ako ng mobile legends sa sobrang bukas ng likuran ng damit nato. Baka magka-pneumonia pa ako rito. Wala akong dalang Vicks pamahid!” Reklamo ko sakanya.

“Kikikaka” ang sagot niya lang na ikinatawa ko naman lalo na’t ginaya niya pa ang boses ni Angela.

“OA mo! Hindi ka mamatay sa lamig, mamatay sila sa ganda mo,” he said with that petulant pout na alam kong wala na akong kawala.

“May maganda kang posture, Given. Sayang ang skin care at katawan mo kung itatago mo lang sa cotton shirt na XL. Magbihis ka na, dali!”

Wala akong nagawa.

Alam kong kapag si Kai ang nag-desisyon, mas mabilis pang paamuhin yata si Nicollo kaysa mapigilan ang pinsan ko.

Sumunod ako sa banyo at isinuot ang outfit na pinili niya para sakin.

Paglabas ko, halos hindi ko na makilala ang sarili ko sa salamin, pero mas lalong hindi ko makilala si Kai.

Kai was a vision in monochromatic white.

Suot niya ang isang off-the-shoulder long-sleeve top na gawa sa ruched fabric. It fit him perfectly, hugging his frame while exposing his sun-kissed shoulders.

Pinares niya ito sa high-waisted wide-leg white pants na sobrang baggy at flowy, decorated with straps and hardware details on the sides.

With his layered silver necklaces and white boots, he looked incredibly modern and high-fashion.

“Turn around,” utos ni Kai habang inaayos ang sarili niyang clear handbag.

Dahan-dahan akong tumalikod.

I was dressed in head-to-toe black.

The luxurious black velvet long-sleeve top felt soft and expensive against my skin. The front look is conservative enough, but the back was the statement- it was completely open, designed with thin black straps that crossed intricately over my bare skin.

Kai had added multiple silver chains that hung down my spine and waist, adding a metallic shimmer every time I moved.

With my fitted black trousers and black platform heeled boots, I felt tall, bold, and strangely… powerful.

“Gosh, Given. You look… expensive,” bulong ni Kai, his humor temporarily replaced by genuine awe.

“Wait, kulang pa!”

Pinaupo niya ako sa harap ng vanity mirror niya.

“Light glam lang. Just to freshen you up. Masyado kang maputla dahil sa kabang nararamdaman mo, mukha kang uminom ng suka”

He started dabbing some concealer under my eyes, adding a bit of warmth to my cheeks, and brushing my brows to perfection.

He used a subtle highlighter on the bridge of my nose and my cheekbones- just enough to catch the light .

Finally, he swiped a sheer, natural gloss on my lips.

“There,” Kai whispered, stepping back to admire his work.

“Now, you don’t look like the kid who’s hiding. You look like the main character na.”

Agad naman akong napangiti, sabay baking ng tingin sa salamin.

For the first time, hindi ko nakita yung Given na lagi kong nakikita sa salamin.

I saw someone striking and sophisticated.

I still felt the familiar knot of anxiety in my stomach, but looking at Kai’s determined face, I felt a tiny spark of courage.

“Ready ka na?” tanong ni Kai, checking his reflection one last time.

“Hindi,” tapat kong sagot.

“Pero tara na.”

“That’s the spirit! Let’s go at baka magkajowa pa ako ng engineering,” tawa niya sabay hila sa akin palabas.

Pero sa isip ko, iisang tao lang ang iniisip ko.

Ano kayang mukha ang gagawin ni Nicollo kapag nakita niya ako? Sana lang talaga ay hindi siya magwala.

Sana lang.

__

The bass from the rooftop was already vibrating through the soles of my platform boots even before we reached the top floor.

Sabay ng malakas na tugtog ay ang sunod-sunod na pagsabog ng fireworks sa langit-isang makulay at maingay na pagbati para sa bagong semestre.

“Given, wag kang yumuko! Sayang ang silver chains sa likod mo,” pabulong na saway sa akin ni Kai habang paakyat kami ng hagdan.

Kahit siya, ramdam kong medyo kinakabahan, pero dinadaan niya sa tuwid na likod at taas-noong paglalakad.

Pagbukas ng pintuan sa rooftop, sinalubong kami ng amoy ng mamahaling pabango, usok, at ang nakakasilaw na neon lights.

The music was deafening, a remix of a popular dance track that made the floor shake.

Pero ang mas nakakabingi ay ang biglang pagtahimik ng mga taong malapit sa entrance nang makita kami.

I felt the heat crawl up my neck.

Conscious na conscious ako sa bawat hibla ng velvet sa balat ko at sa lamig ng hangin na humahalik sa hubad kong likod.

I could feel the eyes of the students-mostly from the Engineering and Tourism departments-scanning us from head to toe.

Some were whispering, others were just staring with open mouths.

“Given! Kai! Dito!”

Isang pamilyar na boses ang nangingibabaw sa ingay. I looked toward the VIP section near the edge of the rooftop and saw Gianluca, Fabio, and Vincenzo waving at us.

Nang makalapit kami, literal na napatigil ang tatlo sa pag-inom.

Gianluca, who was mid-sentence, let his glass hang in the air.

His eyes traveled from my face down to the silver chains hanging on my spine, his expression shifting from recognition to pure shock.

“Holy… Given?” Gianluca finally spoke, his voice barely audible over the music. He stepped closer, shaking his head in disbelief.

Pota! Nakakahiya naman ang mga tingin nilang ganito.

Hindi ako sanay.

“You look… breathtaking. Seryoso, you should wear stuff like this more frequently. You look so matured and bold- nothing compared to the innocent and shy person we met at the cafe.”

“Grabe, Given. I almost didn’t recognize you,” Fabio added, whistling low. “Wow Stunning, man. Truly stunning.”

Vincenzo just nodded, a smirk playing on his lips.

“Hindi ako informed na may tinatago ka palang ganyan. You looked like you’ve transformed”

I felt my cheeks burning, but for the first time, the attention didn’t feel like a threat.

It felt like a shield.

“And Kai,” Gianluca turned his gaze to my cousin, his eyes softening.

“That white outfit is incredible. It suits your energy perfectly. You look… radiant.”

I felt Kai’s weight shift beside me.

He didn’t just blush; he practically melted.

I had to subtly reach out and grab his elbow to keep him from actually stumbling.

His “ex-crush” just called him radiant .

Para kay Kai, the fireworks in the sky were nothing compared to the ones exploding in his head right now.

“Escort na namin kayo sa table,” Gianluca offered, guiding us through the crowded rooftop with a protective hand near my back, never actually touching the bare skin but making sure people gave us space.

They led us to a lounge area with plush white couches, separated from the main dance floor. It was the best seat in the house- overlooking the city lights and the ongoing fireworks display.

“Stay here, keep comfortable,” Fabio said, leaning in so we could hear him.

“Mag-uutos lang kami ng drinks. Most of our other friends are still on the way, including some of the Engineering faculty representatives.”

“Yeah, just wait here with us,” Vincenzo added, handing us some appetizers.

“The night is just starting.”

I sat down on the velvet couch, the cool night air hitting my back.

I looked at Kai, who was still in a daze, and then at the crowd.

I felt a strange sense of belonging, but at the back of my mind, a small voice kept whispering

“Where is Nicollo?”

I knew he was coming, and I knew that when he finally saw me, the peace offering might either turn into a treaty or a declaration of war.

Habang hinhintay namin ang iba pa, bumalik si Fabio bitbit ang dalawang baso ng mocktail para sa amin.

Umupo siya sa tapat ko, ang kanyang siko ay nakatukod sa tuhod niya habang tinitingnan ako nang may halong paghanga na hindi niya maitago.

“What?” Ang natatawa kong sambit lalo na’t nakatitig lang siya.

“Seriously, Given,” panimula ni Fabio, mas mahinahon na ang boses ngayon dahil medyo lumayo kami sa malalaking speaker.

“You’re full of surprises. Kanina sa baba, akala ko ibang tao na ’yung nakita ko.”

Ngumiti lang ako nang pilit, nilalaro ang straw sa baso ko.

“Si Kai lang naman ang may kasalanan nito. Pinilit niya lang akong magsuot ng mga ganito.”

Natawa si Fabio, pero bigla siyang sumeryoso, looking at me with genuine curiosity.

“May itatanong ako, okay lang ba? I mean, with the way you look and how you carry yourself… may boyfriend ka ba? O baka naman masyadong high standards kaya walang makalapit sayo?”

Napatigil ako sa pag-inom.

The question was casual, pero tumagos ’yun sa alaala ko.

I slowly nodded my head, staring at the condensation on my glass.

“Meron… dati,” pabulong kong sagot. I took a deep breath, trying to keep my voice from shaking.

“But it didn’t work out. He cheated. Actually, he was part of the reason why I’m… like this.”

Nabitawan ni Fabio ang tingin niya sa akin, halatang hindi niya inaasahan ang sagot ko.

“Gago. Seryoso? Someone cheated on you?” He shook his head in disbelief, looking me up and down again.

“I’m a guy, Given. Straight as a ruler. Pero looking at you right now… you’re undeniably pretty. Any guy would be an idiot to let you go, let alone cheat on you.”

Nagkatinginan kami ni Kai nang palihim ng bitawan niya ang mga salita niya.

My heart skipped a beat.

Hindi ko alam kung compliment ba ’yun o joke, pero ang seryoso ng mukha ni Fabio na magpapagulo sa isip mo kung nagsasabi na siya ng totoo o purong kalokohan lang.

Even Kai, who usually has a comeback for everything, was momentarily stunned.

“Fabio! Halika rito, kailangan ka ni Vincenzo sa bar!” sigaw ni Gianluca mula sa kabilang dulo ng rooftop.

“Coming!” sigaw pabalik ni Fabio. Tumingin muna siya sa akin bago tumayo.

“Don’t overthink it, Given. He’s the loser, not you.”

Nang makalayo na si Fabio, agad akong siniko ni Kai nang napakalakas.

“Aray! Ano ba, Kai?”

“Hoy! Narinig mo ’yun?!” bulong ni Kai, his eyes sparkling with mischief as he looks at me in disbelief.

“Did Fabio- the resident player of the Engineering department -just call you pretty? Pota ka te! Mauunahan mo pako magkatite ngayong gabi! Mukhang straight pa ang mabobona mo ngayon!”

“Iba talaga ang ganda mo! Parang amoy cherry ang utot mo” ang sambit nito na ikinatawa ko ng malakas sabay palo sakanya.

“Sira! He was just being nice,” depensa ko, bagaman nararamdaman ko ang init sa pisngi ko.

“Being nice? Given, hindi ‘nice’ ang tawag doon. That was a literal! Halata namang mesmerized siya sa hitsura mo” pangungulit ni Kai, na tinutusok-tusok pa ang tagiliran ko.

“Malay mo, bago matapos ang gabi, may boyfriend ka na ulit. Para naman makalimutan mo nayong jutay mong ex”

“Tumigil ka nga, Kai! Nakakahiya!” Ang tawa ko, at pilit siyang tinutulak palayo.

“Baka marinig ka nila.”

“Let them hear! Hindi naman na tayo mga highschool para maging magpa Maria Clara pa” hirit pa ni Kai habang tumatawa.

Sa gitna ng kulitan namin, kahit papaano ay nakalimutan ko ang kaba.

But as I laughed with my cousin, my eyes instinctively wandered toward the entrance again.

Wala pa rin si Nicollo.

And for some reason, part of me was relieved, while another part was holdng its breath for the inevitable storm.

Habang lumalalim ang gabi, mas dumarami ang tao sa rooftop.

Hindi lang pala talaga Engineering at Tourism students ang nandito; may mga nakita rin akong Nursing students at ang iba naman ay mukhang seniors pa na galing sa Business Building.

The place was getting crowded, and the smell of expensive cologne and vape juice started to mix with the cool night air.

I shifted uncomfortably on the couch.

I didn’t know anyone here except Kai and the three guys who invited us.

Every time someone new would walk past,

I’d instinctively look down at my drink, trying to make myself as small as possible despite the bold outfit I was wearing.

“Given, chill. Para kang lalamunin ng couch,” pabulong na biro ni Kai, though he was also busy fixing his own hair every five seconds.

Maya-maya, lumapit ulit si Gianluca.

This time, may kasunod siyang tatlong lalaki na mukhang galing lang sa isang seryosong usapan.

“Guys, meet the Archies,” pakilala ni Gianluca.

“This is Mikael, Alessio, and Vittorio. Architecture students silang tatlo. Pasensya na, medyo ‘sabog’ pa ang mga ’yan dahil sa deadline nila kahapon.”

I barely looked up, just giving them a small, tight-lipped smile and a tiny nod.

Mikael- the guy I recognized from the unit next to Nicollo -gave me a brief, curious look before turning to talk to Vincenzo.

Alessio and Vittorio just stayed on the side, leaning against the railing.

They didn’t seem mean, just… tired.

They had their own world, probably discussing floor plans or structural designs while the party roared around them.

Then, a group of girls approached.

Naramdaman ko ang biglang panliliit. They all looked so put-together, effortlessly cool in their casual-chic outfits.

I expected them to ignore me, or worse, judge me, but Sienna and Veronica were actually the ones who initiated the conversation.

“Sienna by the way” ang sambit ng isa.

“Veronica” ang sambit naman ng katabi niya sabay lahad ng kamay.

“I like the top,” Sienna said casually, her eyes briefly scanning the velvet fabric.

“The back detail is actually pretty nice. Bold, but it works.”

“Yeah,” Veronica added with a small smile toward Kai.

“Bagay sa inyo ’yung white and black theme. Clean tingnan.”

“S-salamat,” I stammered, my voice almost failing me. I didn’t know how to handle the compliment, so I just gripped my glass tighter.

“Nutrition student ka, ’di ba? Sabi ni Gianluca,” tanong ni Yzabel, trying to pull me into the conversation.

“Yzabel pala” ang pakilala niya na ikinatango ko lang naman.

“Don’t be shy ha, baka naman akalain mong nanglalamon kami” ang segunda naman ni Yzabel na ikinatawa ko.

“Hindi lang kasi ako sanay sa crowded places, kaya nakakailang lang sa una” ang pag amin ko na ikinatango ko naman.

“Nako, ilalabas natin yang nakatagong pagkaloka loka sa katawan mo. Kailangan mong sumabay kasi mga krung kung kaming lahat” ang natatawang sambit ni Sienna na ikinatawa ko.

“Tsaka wag kang mahiya, mukhang parehas lang naman tayo ng kinakain at sinusubo dito” ang natatawang sambit ni Veronica na ikinataas ng kilay ko habang parang matatawa na silang nakangiti sa isa’t isa na animo’y gets nila, maging si Kai ay natatawa din at nakatingin sa kanila.

“Ahhhhhhh” Tili pa ni Yzabel na mas lalo nilang ikinatawa.

“Eh ano bang kinakain nating pareho?” Ang sambit ko pa na gulong gulo dahil wala akong naitindihan sa usapan nila.

“Ano pa ba? Edi tite” ang sagot naman ni Kai na ikinatayo nilang lahat sabay nagtatatalon at magkahawak pa habang tumatawa.

Natawa nalang ako sa kabaliwan nilang lahat.

Lalong lalo na si Kai na mukhang enjoy na enjoy dahil puro babaeng bakla pala silang lahat.

For a few minutes, it felt like I was floating. Ang saya saya lang na marinig ang mga bastos nilang bunganga, na walang wala sa hitsura nilang pang star class.

“I’ll take a photo, pose kayo ha” ang sambit nina Sienna at Yzabel sabay kuha ng kani kanilang phone at sabay kuha ng litrato.

Bagama’t hindi ko gusto at nahihiya nako, wala nakong nagawa pa dahil hinila naako ni Kai at nasa pwesto na silang dalawa.

“Ayy put*ngina ang sarap!!!” Ang natatawang sambit ni Sienna na ginagaya pa ang isang sikat na meme sa clock app.

“Grabe naman” ang segunda pa ni Veronica na ikinatawa naming lahat.

Hindi ko akalaing bagraan at bardagulan pala ang humor ng mga to.

But then, the heavy glass door to the rooftop swung open.

The sound of the music seemed to dull in my ears as a familiar figure stepped out.

Nicollo was wearing a simple black shirt, his tattoos peeking through the sleeves, looking even more imposing under the neon lights.

He started walking toward the VIP section, but he stopped dead in his tracks when his eyes landed on our table.

He didn’t look angry- at least, not at first.

He looked stunned. His gaze swept over my face, then down to my shoulders, and finally to the open back and the silver chains reflecting the moonlight.

For a long, agonizing second, we just stared at each other.

The noise of the party vanished.

The cold wind bit at my bare skin, but I couldn’t move.

He finally broke the silence, his voice low and gravelly.

“ Hindi ko akalaing pupunta ka talaga dito“ ang sambit niya na ikinatingin ko sakanya ng deretso.