Analyzing Isaac (manxman) NaNoWrimo 2013 Entry

After years of abuse at the sadistic hands of his Stepfather, Issac Carmichael had finally snapped in a haze of hatred, pain, and feelings of total helplessness. It was his driving need to get away from the abuse and torment, and a desperate attempt of self preservation he had made a choice. A life altering decision that he had no recourse but to act on it at the first given opportunity. And the penalty for that choice landed him where he was, in court standing on trial for his crime. But instead of life prison; he was deemed insane by the wonderful panel of his peers and sent off to Covington Behavioral Institute to be analyzed and treated.

 He was supposed to spend anywhere from 10 years to the rest of his life here and Issac thought it was better than where he was coming from. He just wanted to finally be left alone, and Issac didn’t make it easy for anyone to get close to him or even speak to him.That was until Dr. Royce Covington stepped in to personally handle his case. The esteemed and world renowned Psychiatrist, and owner of the Behavioral Institute and the most beautiful man Issac has ever laid his eyes upon in all the years of his miserable messed up life. The slender man was to be his shrink, to try to figure out what made him tick, to bring him out of his shell, to find out the why behind his murderous act, and to treat his self destructive behavior. Read the difficult journey of these two, the compassionate Doctor and the unwilling Patient.

I am putting a disclaimer on my current stories in the works. The model’s images that I am using is for the sole purpose of giving you the reader a picture of what the characters may look like. My stories are a work of FICTION and therefore THEY DO NOT DEPICT anything real. Everything in the story line is purely and solely from my imagination and does not tell the story of how the model’s live their lives or does it relate to anything or anyone in their real life. The models that I use are for visuals only and their images are not being used by me or being stolen by me to be used for any malicious intent or profit gain. Anyone interested in knowing more about the model please feel free on their own to look up and research the talents of that model. If I do decide to publish the story in which a model was used, their image will not be used on the cover without their expressed consent. That being said, this disclaimer will be placed in each of my stories with the clear understanding that I am not using the image for my own gain. My stories are indeed FICTION, and any images used are for non for profit visual aides. I have no problem removing them if I am contacted and my stories in no way reflects on how said model lives their life.

Chapter 1

Prologue

(Pic of Isaac----->)

One year ago….

“Royce, I am telling you…this case is beyond my capabilities. You need to cut that lecture short and come back home and handle this one yourself.” Taylor informed me. I could hear the strain in her voice.

 Since midnight last night I have been on the phone with her back and forth over a murder suspect’s case that I was called in to consult on, but since I was currently guest speaker at a conference in New York, there was no way I could have taken the call personally so I had my right hand and best friend another talented Psychiatrist in my practice, Dr. Taylor Chandler take the call for me. Now she was telling me that this persons’ needs were was beyond her training and I was stumped.

“What do you mean, Taylor? From what you said he is clearly guilty. He was found huddled in the corner of the residence in an almost catatonic state, covered in the victim’s blood, with the murder weapon still in hand. His blood was all over the victim’s body and he fought tooth and nail to the point he had to be sedated just to be taken into custody treated. What does he have to say for himself? It’s been two days since the incident and he should be lucid by now.” I asked as I waved off the event coordinator who was desperately trying to get my attention. I watched as the petite blond stomped off with a huff. I just shrugged it off; this conversation was my main focus at the moment.

 “That’s just it, Royce, he is not saying anything. He has not uttered one word to anyone, not the doctor, the officers, or the nurses. There is more to this story than him just deciding to get up and murder his Stepfather just for the hell of it. From his physical examination there is year’s worth of evidence of sexual abuse and damage to his body, and evidence of multiple types of physical abuse as well. A lot of the injuries are scared over but there’s almost an equal amount of fresh ones. I mean unimaginable things must have been done to this poor man and it has been going on for a long time, but he refuses to utter a single word in his own defense.” She explained as I rubbed at the knot of tension that was now forming at base of my skull.

 “Taylor, what does your gut tell you?” I asked in all honesty, if she was so amandant that I cut my Lecture short and return to personally handle this patient myself, I wanted her opinion on the suspect.

 “Honestly, I think Mr. Carmichael suffered a Dissociative Episode. After years of abuse, the pain he suffered, and the emotional distress of his circumstances all led him to snap and lash out at his tormentor, the murder victim. I feel that at that time he had no earthly idea of what he was doing. He was an abused and cornered animal in unimaginable pain and turmoil and he protected himself from further injury.” She whispered over the line and I felt a chill skitter across the surface of my skin. My interest was definitely peaked.

 “Okay, let me finish out my responsibilities here today and make my apologies and I should be back home hopefully by tomorrow afternoon. I will keep you updated on my travel plans. Just keep the patient calm and try to get him to open up.” I informed her and listened to her agree with me before disconnecting the call.

 Making sure my phone was on vibrate I put it back in my pocket. I set off to go and try to appease the event coordinator and let her know that an emergency has come along and make my apologies for bowing out of the conference for the remainder of days I was scheduled to speak.

okay darlings, cheer me on in hopes that I can do this in 30 days, remember to drop me a line to let me know what you think about this story, xoxo*

 

Chapter 1

Present Day…

 

 
“We the jury find the Defendant, Isaac Avery Carmichael incompetent to stand trial for the charge of Murder in the First Degree of the Plaintiff, Stanley Edgar Hudson by reason of mental disease or defect.” The jury foreman’s voice stated and the words rang out over the almost empty courtroom.

 I sat in the back on the hard wooden bench in the back of the courtroom and looked around the typical judicial décor with its polished wood attorney’s desk, the raised dais where the judge presided over all, and the bevy of clerks, court reporters, and the court artist furiously scratching away on a drawing pad in his lap. The twelve person jury of Mr. Carmichael’s peers settled into the seats after reading their verdict and I just shook my head.

  Now, maybe Isaac can get the help that he severely needs, but by no means was Isaac insane, just troubled and damaged to the point that he was going to need intensive therapy for years to come, but he is going to have to want it first. And there lies the problem, I have spoken to him a multitude of times since that eventful day when I rushed back to take over his case from Taylor a little over a year ago. And it was always the same, my questions always met a blank stare and complete silence from my patient. I tried my best to never get frustrated with his lack of verbal response, but what his mouth didn’t say, those expressive eyes of his stated his pain loud and clear. Sometimes I almost felt guilty for constantly pushing him, but I knew that if he didn’t voice his pain, purge it somehow, it was going to fester and eat him from the inside out. I couldn’t let that happen, something about the man just screamed for me to help him and I was going to find a way to do so, I just needed to get him to the Institute.

 Shifting my desensitized rear end yet again over this unyielding plank they called a seat, I waited patiently to see if the Judge would heed my recommendation of placing Isaac in the care of my Institute, rather than a Maximum Security Lock Up. I crossed my fingers for good measure as the stout balding man shuffled through the file on the desk in front of him while Isaac’s Attorney continued to whisper in his ear. The lead Prosecutor flipped his pen between his fingers while he sat there and waited totally unconcerned with the proceedings. They did a wonderful job of painting Isaac as a total nutcase and he played it right into my hands.

 I needed him to be seen as mentally unfit. I knew in my heart without one word from Isaac stating that he acted in self defense. That they would buy into my theories on his mental state. I was skirting the ethics line, but something about the silent man struck a chord within my very soul and I wanted to help him. But, I had to be honest with myself; it was more of a personal interest than it was a professional one.

 Isaac was simply stunning to look at; I could spend all day looking at the man. He stood well over my diminished 5’6 frame at a couple inches over 6 feet tall. He had a thick head of unruly coal black hair, and with spending the last year in jail, he used his time to carve his mouth watering body into nothing but sinuous muscle. But what really did it for me were those expressive ice blue eyes of his; I had to use all the will power I possessed to keep my thoughts and my actions as professional as possible. It was the very last thing he needed. I didn’t know his sexual preference and after all that has been done to mind and his body, it wouldn’t surprise me that he viewed any kind of physical contact as abhorrent.

 I looked up when the Judge cleared his throat and looked up from the file. He raised an eyebrow at the Defense table and Isaac and his lawyer rose to their feet. I leaned forward in anticipation. I swear I was going to scream if this man sent Isaac back to lock up to mull over what his punishment should be for the next few weeks. I wanted Isaac at the Institute where he would be safe, and I could observe him to best figure out what would be the most appropriate course of treatment for him on the road of healing his mind as well as his body. He has known nothing but pain and torture from those who was supposed to care for him and I was sure I could help him if I got him on my turf.

Once he was sure he had everyone’s attention and the Defendant and his Attorney was on their feet facing him, the Judge finally opened his mouth to speak. “Thank you ladies and gentlemen of the jury for your time and patience, without further adieu, Mr. Carmichael, do you have anything at all to say in your defense?” He asked Isaac and I knew what his response was going to be, absolutely nothing. And sure enough, Isaac stood stock still with a stoic expression in his face. The only emotion he showed was the clenching of his fists. He had them so tight you could see the white of his knuckles.

 Your Honor pushed his glasses further up on his bulbous nose and you could see him shake his head, his gaze flashed to the State Attorney and back to the papers on hid desk. “I see no need to drag out your sentencing, so Mr. Carmichael as per the recommendation of your court appointed Psychiatrist along with the agreement of the State Attorney’s office of Atlanta and your Defense Attorney; you have two choices young man. You can be placed as an inpatient for 10 years in the Covington Behavioral Institute or until such time you have something to add to this case to prove your innocence, or you can be sentenced to life imprisonment at the Rutledge Correctional Center.” The man stated and Isaac’s Lawyer immediately chose the first option. Good man.

 With a sound bang of the gavel, Isaac was now my responsibility. I quietly stood and made my way out of the courtroom. They were going to transfer him sometime tonight and his room was already prepared and waiting for him.

 As I stepped out of the building I walked along the sidewalk into the sunshine and contemplated the best course of treatment for Isaac. The first thing was for me to keep it professional and separate myself from my personal feelings towards the man. I think that he will need some time to adjust to his new environment and then ease him into group activities. He needed to get out of his head and prodded out of his self induced solitude but it would have to be a very gentle introduction, timing was very important, forcing Isaac before he was ready couldn’t hinder his care.

 I called my secretary for my messages from the car as I made my way to my office where I see my private patients. I had no appointments today seeing that I wanted to devote my day to Isaac’s hearing. Taylor was at the Institute today along with Ryan and Matt, so that left Ana and James in office today. I shook my head when I thought of my practice and how successful it has become. A six Doctor Psychiatry Practice and my Institute, my practice dealt with all types of mental disabilities and diseases in people of all ages and all walks of life. We contracted with the state social services department, the police department, as well as local hospitals that might need our services and I accomplished this by the age of 28.

 Some people would say that is too young of an age to be in this field but I say that I am more than capable. I was born with a higher than average IQ, a genius was the label they applied to me when the experts explained my Stanford-Binet Intelligence Scale results to my parents. I flew through school and graduated College by the age of 17 years old and moved on to graduate Medical School by the age of 23. I joined my former business partners practice and took it over when he retired. He actually came up with the idea of the Covington Institute and helped fund it. But with all of my success, my life was definitely not a walk in the park with all the bullying and feelings of inadequacy that came along with being a child prodigy.

 My parents pushed and pushed me to be the best at everything I did when I was growing up, even if I didn’t like something. They always had me on display in front of friends and family like I some prized trophy that they received for being good at procreating because they birthed a gifted offspring. Then there was school and being picked on for being the smallest and smartest one in class. You would have thought it would have gotten better in College and Medical School but it didn’t, jealousy and pettiness are awful emotions, especially being on the receiving end of spiteful colleagues and peers and their hurtful words and pranks.

 That’s why I didn’t share the little secret of being gay until almost two years ago when my then hidden boyfriend demanded more from me, that he was tired of hiding our relationship. And like the smitten lover I was, I came out into the light and shocked the hell out of my parents. My peers and friends already had their ideas about my sexual preferences, although I never said anything out right, so they were not surprised. Not like my family, my mother accepted readily enough but my father still hasn’t come to terms with it; it was like a blemish in his mind. I was no longer the perfect son his prodigy child. He took to distancing himself from me and I guess it was a good thing because he stopped pushing my little brother, Kyle.

 Kyle was very smart, but he was not in the same IQ range as me no matter how the old man pushed, but now he wasn’t pushing him to be like me anymore and is actually spending more time with him discussing the things Kyle liked. Pity did the old bigot know that when I came out Kyle came to me and revealed his own secret and came out to me and when he spent weekends with me his true nature made its fabulous appearance, and my little brother was gearing up to be a Queen the likes Atlanta has ever seen.

 I made it to my office suite and nodded hello to my staff before closing the door to my domain and taking a seat behind my desk and let my mind wonder, that boyfriend didn’t take long to disappear even after my come out. He had always wanted more and I simply didn’t have it to give to him with the time it took starting up my practice, recruiting partners, and opening the Institute, and making a name for myself in my chosen profession. The saying was always true, that the road to greatness is a lonely road. I released a calming breath and shook myself. I opened the computer with my passwords to double check the security feeds of the Institute many areas and the main gate, it helped to get me out of my maudlin musings.

 Isaac would be at the Institute by late evening and last rounds before lock down. I would give him time to settle in a few weeks to be exact before I will begin to subtly approach him to begin his therapy sessions.

 Now if I could just manage to go to sleep at night without Isaac’s eyes and his delectable body running through my dreams and causing me to wake up in the morning covered in sweat and sticky sheets, then I will be fine. Even I had to scoff at myself, now who was the delusional one in this scenario.

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

(Dr. Royce Covington---------->)

 

 
After the crappy dinner of brown and green mush with a barely fresh apple and lukewarm bagged juice I was once again given clothes. This time instead of another pea green jumpsuit with the words, “County Jail” in block letters on the back, it was a pair of soft cotton drawstring yellow pajamas with, “Covington Institute” stitched in black letters on the breast pocket. Handcuffs were placed on my wrists and manacles on my ankles. The guards led me out into the muggy late evening heat after a series of beeps and bangs from the security doors and sliding bars that led to the outside of the jail.

 “Come on Boy, get on in there. We ain’t got all day.” The big burly no neck Guard prodded me in small of my back with the butt of his baton. I was moved away from him quickly, my fear of his bigger form hovering so close to me was ramping up my anxiety levels even more. I hated bigger men; my past experiences with them always left me in unbearable pain.

 I just sighed and tried to calm down and tried not to flinch when his meaty hand landed on my elbow to help me step up into the transport van. He sat me down on the middle bench as two other Guards climbed in behind me and took their seats on the back bench. My heart rate picked up and sweat began for form on the back of my neck. I hated this, and I prayed that this trip wouldn’t be a long one. The side door slammed with a resounding echo in the all but deserted parking garage and two more Guards took their seats in the front. Soon enough the engine rumbled to life and we set off towards the outer gates that would lead to the roadway and out of this pit.

 Even though I was cuffed and shackled, I felt like I was finally free. I was able to exercise, eat the food even if it was crap, and actually close my eyes and sleep unfettered and without fear and anxiety if someone was going to come along and hurt me. I didn’t have to worry about drugs in my food or drink or someone molesting me in my sleep. I didn’t wake up to slaps in the face or someone yanking on my privates. The Monster was dead and they said that I did it, even though I can’t remember any of it and don’t want to remember it. I don’t want to relive any of it, but they keep asking me questions and I just kept ignoring them.

 I watched as the landscape went from the busy inner city to rural areas with lush trees and dense bushes. I didn’t know what time it was and I really didn’t care to know. Time was of no consequence to me anymore since I was never free to do whatever I wanted, and I am not truly free now. The only exception is that I didn’t have HIM making my life misery anymore. I could have almost cried the relief behind that realization felt so good, but I refused to show that particular weakness to anyone. I was a professional at hiding my feelings. It was either hide them or get them beaten out of me that was what I was used to.

 The Van slowed and made a right turn onto a winding road lined by a thick line of trees. It was dark now but the solitary road was well lit. After a few miles we came up to a massive set of wrought iron gates, with even larger concrete posts. The thick walls seemed to go on for miles in either direction.

The Van coasted to a stop and the Guard driving it rolled down his window and leaned out and mumbled something I couldn’t make out into the intercom box sitting right outside. He sat back inside and slid the rolled the glass back into place. And then there was a loud buzzing noise before the huge gates slowly swung open and two large uniformed Security Personnel appeared in front of the vehicle. They waved the Van forward just enough for the gates to close and they performed a walk around the vehicle. They checked the under carriage and proceeded to shine their flashlights into the windows temporarily blinding me when the beam shined directly into my face.

 They apparently got the all clear because the vehicle lurched forward again and soon we were navigating over a winding road that led to the enormous building up ahead. It was a huge four story affair, just as wide as it was high.  It was painted white with black shutters. It looked like some a massive old Victorian house except for the size. There were miles and miles of manicured lawns and neat shrubbery. Every window was ablaze with light and twinkling away in the night.

 The Guards that were seated up front stepped out after turning off the Van and turned and shook hands with the two people dressed in all white uniforms and with the three beefy Security Guards behind them. One of the Guards from the Jail and one from this place stepped up and opened the side door. He motioned for me to get a move on and I did. I stepped down trying to avoid his helping hand at all costs onto the cobbled drive and climbed up the wide stone steps on my own steam towards the front entrance and made my way inside. 

 The place was even bigger on the inside than it was on the outside; it looked almost like an elegant foyer you would find in some ritzy mansion. The only inclination that it wasn’t was the specialized security doors leading to other parts of the building.

 I heard a muted buzzing noise and my attention was drawn to the door at the far end of the room, and the pretty lady Doctor who had first tried to talk me after my arrest glided through the door and smiled as she headed directly for our little group. I immediately dropped my eyes closing myself off to any of her friendly banter that I was sure was coming from what I knew of her. If I had to be here, I just wanted to go wherever they wanted to put me and to be left alone by everyone.

 “Hi Isaac, welcome to Covington.” She said to me and she was met with my silence. She just continued to smile patiently at me and she motioned for the Guards to escort our group towards one of the doors.

 “Okay Isaac, I am not going to push. We are going to go to your room and remove those cuffs. The rules of the Institute will be explained to you at that time. We will not hinder your movements within your Room or the common area, just be respectful and do what is asked of you and no one here should have a problem. Are we clear on that?” She asked as she tilted her head to the side and a cascade of long blonde hair rained over one of her petite shoulders. I just nodded at her and stopped walking a few paces from the door when I was prompted to do so.

 She released a quiet sigh and I listened as another buzzing sound came and the clink of a lock being released thudded through the air. The door swung open to a very clinical white tiled hallway. Our little entourage moved on down the hallway and I tried to keep my curiosity curbed as we passed several rooms. Soon we came to an elevator and the Doctor swiped her card and the doors swooshed open. We all stepped on and she pressed the button for the third floor.

 “Isaac, are you hungry, is there anything you need before lights out tonight?” She asked  and once again and my stomach loudly growled answering her question for me in the cramped little space at the mention of food. The guards snickered and I felt my face flush a little with my embarrassment. “It’s okay; I will make sure the Nurses get you a meal once we get you to your room.

 The car slid to a silent stop on the third floor and it dinged a second before the doors quietly slid open to reveal a lobby of some sort. We stepped out and I was led to the right and again we stopped and waited to be buzzed through another door. And we were off again, one thing was for sure, there was no way in hell for anyone to get out of this place unless they let you, and that was fine with me. Where the Hell else did I have to go?

 They came to a stop at almost the last door at the end of the hallway and one of the Guards opened the door and we all filed into what I assumed was to be my room. I was barely able to stop my mouth from gaping open at the sight of the room. It was like nothing I have ever seen before. The walls were painted a bright sky blue and the furniture was a type of dark wood. There was a nice size bed, a dresser, a nightstand with a lamp, a desk and even a plush chair right next to the window.  The entire room was so clean and it smelled of sunshine and cleaning products, so entirely different from the deplorable conditions I lived in everyday at HIS house.

 I physically shook my head to dispel any thoughts of my former torment. I looked up and found the little Doctor intently watching my every move. Then there was a loud noise as the door banged against the wall and my head snapped around at the sound. My attention was met with a southern drawl and a jangle of keys as a mammoth of a woman dressed in pristine white scrubs made her way into the room with a purposeful stride. She stopped directly in front of me and I couldn’t help but shrink back from the aura of authority that exuded off the stern looking woman in waves.

 She placed her hands on her ample hips and ran her gaze from the top of my head to the tips of my sandaled feet. “Boy, I am Nurse Flora, and this is my floor and therefore you are my patient.” She boldly stated and proceeded to rattle of a laundry list of rules and the snapped her fingers at the Guards to remove my cuffs. I wanted to retreat further away from her but somehow my instincts told me to stay right the Hell where I was.

 I tried to listen intently to what she was going on about but another Nurse had brought in a covered tray and the aromas drifting off the thing was enough to shift my entire focus off of the outspoken woman in front of me.

 “Are you listening to me, Boy?” She asked and my head snapped back around her just as my stomach turned over and groaned like a dying cat once again for everyone in the room to hear, and I immediately shrank back a little more from everyone.

 She eyed me again before letting out a mighty sigh and she began shooing everyone out of the room except for one Guard and the Doctor. “Well, I imagine that we can go over everything in the morning. I reckon you haven’t had anything decent to eat in a while. You are to eat everything on that tray and someone will be along to pick it up, your door can only be opened from the outside by a staff member, your bathroom is through that door over there.” She pointed somewhere behind me.

 “And don’t be worrying about shaving and haircuts; we have a local barber that provides those services. No sharp objects are allowed. Breakfast is served promptly at eight o’clock in the morning. This ain’t no Bed and Breakfast, so if you don’t get up then you don’t eat.” And just like that she was gone and I was left standing there blinking at the spot where she was just standing.

 There  was a light tinkling giggle behind me and I turned back around to see the Doctor standing there holding a hand over her mouth and the Security man was out right chuckling at the show that woman had put on. I just shrugged and hurried across the room to the tray. I lifted the lid and tears actually formed in my eyes when I looked at the feast in front of me. Oh My God, honest to goodness food, fresh food, not the rotting putrid chewed up mush I had to eat to survive when living in that pit of misery and not the slop they had served me in jail.

 Plopping down squarely on my ass in the seat in front of the table, my fingers practically shredded the film covering the plastic spork that was provided for me to eat with. I didn’t know where to begin as my eyes roamed the splendor in front of me.

 They had loaded the tray with mash potatoes and gravy, a slab of meatloaf, green peas, cornbread, carrot cake, and both kinds of milk, white and chocolate. My eyes nearly rolled back into my head in ecstasy as I tucked into the food. The petite woman let me eat for a few minutes before she explained to me that Nurse Flora and the orderlies here will be giving me some time to assimilate myself to the rules and regulations of the Institute. She went to explain that my treatment and progress mainly depended on me and how I choose to respond them.

 She let me guzzle my milk before she informed that she would be around for the next two weeks but ultimately I was Dr. Covington’s patient, and the man himself will be seeing me through my sessions, and that he will be the one to determine the course of my treatment. And I instantly felt my overstuffed tummy give the slightest of quivers.

 Every time the slender brunette had come to talk to me in the Jail, I couldn’t help the way his scent wrapped around my senses or finding myself getting completely lost in it. He smelt so good, like something you wanted to taste to try and figure out what that particular flavor was. I didn’t understand why he made me feel that way. I couldn’t help but cringe every time I looked up and caught his shimmering emerald green gaze on me, studying me. It was always unnerving because it felt like he was looking directly into my soul. And I was afraid that he would see just how filthy I was, how absolutely defiled, impure, and dirty I was on the inside.

 She had finished with her explanations and she bid me goodnight not even realizing the turmoil she had stirred up deep inside of my head. When the door clicked and locked behind her, I forced myself to finish the food before replacing the cover the now empty dishes.

 My eyes wondered all over the room as I sat there and I just took it all in. I was free of HIM, he couldn’t hurt me anymore, and I didn’t want to remember why that is, no matter how much they want me to. But now, who was I and what was I supposed to do with myself.

 I pushed away from the table and thought about Dr. Covington again. He had asked me to call him Royce and of course, I never did. He spent most of the time talking to me and much as I hated to admit it, I loved the calm honey smooth tones of his voice. He never yelled and he never got frustrated with me. Sometimes he would sit there with me for hours on end in total silence.

 Then, I began to realize that I actually started to look forward to his visits. He made sure to come almost every other day, sometimes he brought me things to read, although I don’t read much, and he would bring me a treats from time to time like a candy bar or peanuts.

 If you asked me what intrigued me about the man, I wouldn’t be able to tell you that there was one specific thing. Well maybe that’s a lie, even though I am physically bigger than he is, he had a larger than life personality, and yet, he still didn’t seem threatening to me. Not like HIM and his friends, they somehow always managed to drug me and tie me up with anything they could find before they practiced whatever sick twisted ideas that they came up with in their perverted minds to do to me.

 No everything about the good doctor was gentle; his voice, his body language, his very nature, and that was what calmed me the most and allowed me to feel at ease in his company.

 There was a loud tap on the door then I heard that buzzing noise again right before the door popped open. A large man stepped through the door wearing the signature staff white, but his sheer size had unreasonable fear shooting through every molecule in my body and I shot across the room into the bathroom and slammed the door. There was no lock and I began to panic.

 In the back of my mind, I knew I was being irrational, but my head space wouldn’t let it go and I cursed myself as I leaned against the door and watched my hands shake. Tears of frustration and helplessness burned a hot shameful trail of tears down my cheeks and I just wanted to scream on the top of my lungs and keep screaming until I couldn’t anymore. Maybe they were right and I was a nutcase.

 Jumping almost out of my skin, I heard a light tapping on the bathroom door. “Boy, don’t make me come in there.” Nurse Flora barked through the wooden panel at me and my shoulders slumped in relief.  I scrambled up getting to my feet and cracked the door open and peeked out through the small space only to see her glaring right back at me like I wasn’t moving fast enough.

 She flapped her hands and motioned me to step out of the bathroom and I followed her instructions. She promptly handed me a little plastic cup with two little white pills in it and a glass of water. “You need a good night’s rest and a minute of peace.” Was all she said as she watched me tip the two pills into my mouth and followed it up by drinking the water in the cup.

 Satisfied and smiling for the first time since I laid eyes on her, she took the items from my hand and wished me goodnight. I immediately made my way over to the bed and I peeled back the comforter and sat on the cool sheet underneath it.

 Even the mattress felt like heaven. I drew a ragged breath and tried to control the roller coaster of my emotions. I couldn’t go into a blind panic every time I had a slash back to my own personal Hell. Lying back onto the comfortable mattress I felt my eyes begin to droop and my thought process became fuzzy. My whole body sank deeper into the cotton sheets and I drifted into blessed oblivion. Tomorrow would be another day for me to battle my feelings of fear and uncertainty.

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 (Nurse Flora----->)

 For the very first time since I could remember anything in my life, I broke a promise to myself. I told myself that I would give Isaac two weeks to settle into the everyday life and routine at the Institute. And here I am breaking that promise as I swiped my keycard on the panel to open the gates of the Institutes compound.  Nodding to the Guards as I drove past them, I made my way up the drive and parked my car in my designated parking space in the garage.

 It was still early in the afternoon and the patients should be involved in whatever duties they were allotted and some of them should be in group discussions. I knew Isaac was in his room because like a crazed stalker that I have turned into, I have been watching the security feeds especially for his floor.

 Taylor and Flora have been providing me with daily updates as well. Flora in her very outspoken, no hold barred manner basically told me that I was moddle coddling Isaac and that I needed to give him a nudge if not an outright push in order to open up his communication skills, but I disagreed with her point of view.

 There were still too much about him that I didn’t know, we were all working on what the physical and medical evidence have shown us about him, but in order to really help him I needed to get into his head in order to know what and how he feels about it all. I could very well do him more harm than good if I didn’t know where his head was at. I also needed to know what happened to him and for how long had been going on and how he coped with it and so forth.

 There was a laundry list of things I had to find out and shoving him into unknown territory wasn’t going to work. He would clam up and close himself off even more. I advised her to leave him alone and let him take his time to assimilate himself towards everyone and the Institute itself. It seemed that he never had time or the freedom to just do what he wanted to do and I felt that giving him that time would help him open up, but I wasn’t following my own advice. I said I would give him two weeks but here I am with a bagful of his favorite chocolate bars in hand as I made my way to my second floor office.

 Nurse Flora and Taylor had both agreed with my assessments after I explained them and I had breathed a sigh of relief that they understood where I was coming from. I placed Isaac’s treats on my desk and took a seat. There was a small pile of paperwork I had to go through, so I busied myself with that as I shored up the courage to go to see him again. I had to keep my personal feelings for the gorgeous man completely out of this situation. He was my patient first and foremost.

 I steadily made my way through the invoices and office paperwork. I logged onto my computer and answered my emails and declined conference requests and cleaned out all the junk mail in my inboxes. I couldn’t procrastinate anymore. So with a deep sigh, I stood and straighten my suit jacket and pushed my glasses a little further up on my nose. I grabbed Isaac’s candy in my way to the door.

The floor was pretty quiet for a Monday, but this floor only housed the Administrative offices, the patients were housed on the third and fourth floors. The more intensive patents were on the fourth, those that required locked environment and limited freedom for their safety and around the clock supervision. My milder less inhibited patients were on the third floor. There were a total of six patients on the third and ten on the fourth. The first floor housed the main security room, the computer server rooms, the kitchen, unisex hair studio, the gym, the laundry room, the maintenance office, and the family consulting and visiting areas.

 I made it to the elevators without seeing another soul as of yet and swiped my keycard to call the car and for the doors to open. I heard the ding as it arrived and the silent stainless steel panels opened to the empty lift. I got on and pushed the button for the third floor and the doors promptly closed and the car started to move. The ding signaled my arrival and the doors swooshed open again revealing the lobby of the third floor. I stepped out and immediately turned to the right and swiped through the security doors.

 Once inside I went straight to the Nurses area and I was greeted by some of the Orderlies and I smiled at them as I made my way over to the daily chart reports that were kept by the staff  on each patient.

 “Well, well if it isn’t the cute little Doctor Shrink Man.” Came the saucy salutation and I couldn’t help but smile as I turned around to greet Richard, another one of my awesome Nurses and Flora right hand man.

 “Hey Richard, how are you today?” I asked as he sashayed his way over to me and I smiled even brighter. Richard was so stereotypically gay, he was the flamboyant type that waved his hands when he spoke and rolled his eyes in true dramatic fashion whenever he was displeased with something, and when he was actually pleased he squealed and clapped his hands like a happy valley girl. We all loved him to pieces and he flirted shamelessly with me but it is all in good fun. Richard was married to a bear of man that worshipped the ground he strutted on.

 “I am fine darling, now that you have graced us with your sexy nerdy self. I must say you are the only cutie to be able to pull of that look.” He winked and smiled his high voltage mega watt smile at me.

 “You never change, and thank you.” I politely responded and he winked and wiggled his fingers at me before making his way out of the circular desk area and down the hall.

 I went back to the daily report sheets and skimmed over them to make sure all of my patients were alright. When I got to the place where Isaac’s report was supposed to be the slot was empty and I looked around the desk to see if one of the Nurses were working on it and forgot to put it back in its place.

 “I think Flora has it, she is in his room as we speak. He doesn’t seem to like the male employees here and sometimes when his food is delivered by one of them he panics.” I heard Taylor explain from behind me and I turned to see her giving me a curious look.

 “How come you never mentioned it when we spoke? Is it a severe reaction?” I asked immediately concerned for Isaac.

 “Because he is getting better and he works through it without having to be medicated. And I think Flora has taken a real shine to him because she tends to spoil him rotten although he would never know that seeing he doesn’t really know the hard ass she really is.” She stated as she made her way over to my side.

 I had to smirk at her assessment; yes Nurse Flora was a tough as nails Psychiatric professional that took no prisoners. The patients learned to toe the line for her and in turn she was a real mother hen to them. It seems that she has taken Isaac under her wing and I couldn’t blame her. He was so innocent despite the horrors of his life, and you just wanted to fold him up and put him away somewhere so nothing or no one could hurt him. Especially when those expressive blue eyes darkened with remembered pain.

 “So, are you going to explain what you are doing here? You have office rotations for another week.” She inquired as she leaned her hip against the desk and folded her arms across her chest. She was slightly shorter than me and I must almost if I wasn’t gay, I would seriously be into her pixie like beauty, all that blond hair and her elfin features. She was a stunningly beautiful woman.

 I tried to look her in the eye when I responded. “I had some paperwork to take care of and since I was here, I decided to stop by and let the patients see that I am here and address any concerns they may have or listen to anything they wanted to share with me.” I found myself babbling, but in a sense it was true what I said to her. I did do paperwork and I am making myself available to my patients, especially to one in particular, but she doesn’t need to know that particular piece of information.

 She raised a knowing brow at me that I chose to steadfastly ignore it. She righted herself onto her feet and patted me on the shoulder before sauntering off down the hall towards the exit. I watched her disappear through the door after she swiped her keycard and I knew that she had thoughts about my being here, but she was keeping them to herself and I didn’t mind that at all. Taking full advantage of this minute of silent reprieve I turned quickly to the desk and snatched the shopping bag off the counter and made my way down the hall to Isaac’s room.

 His door was open and when I stepped through it and into the room I almost groaned and wished that I had stayed far away from this place. Flora was sitting at the table charting on his daily record and Isaac was sitting next to her shirtless as she took his vital signs. I could feel my saliva pooling in my mouth at the awe inspiring sight of all that skin on display, the man was simply delicious. His skin was pale due to his non exposure to the outdoors, but it didn’t deflect in any way from the sculpted and fit beauty of his body, not in the least.

 I managed to swallow the lump of desire in my throat and I schooled my features and cleared my throat to get their attention. Flora smiled and Isaac looked up at me with a look I could only describe as expectant relief, if that made any sense at all, but that was what his gaze on me felt like. Those stunning blue orbs locked onto my green ones for a moment before he flushed slightly and looked away.

 “Hey Doc, I wasn’t expecting you until next week.” Flora stated as she rose from the table and gathered her paperwork. Isaac shrugged back into his scrub top and remained right where he was looking down steadfastly at his feet.

 “Yeah, I know Flora, but I had some paperwork to take care of and I just stopped by real quick to see how everything was going with everyone.” I answered her trying to keep my attention on her and not to let my rebellious eyes stray to the man sitting so silent at the table.

 “Well, Isaac here still won’t open his mouth to do anything else but shove food into it. That Boy know he can eat.” She said as she smiled fondly at the man sitting by her and his face turned a darker shade of red at her words. Although there was a jus the hint of a smile curling at the edge of those lush lips. And I immediately called a halt to my inappropriate thoughts chastised myself for thinking like that about his mouth.

 “Well have a seat and have a talk with him, one thing I can say is that he sure is stubborn. I have tried everything to get a verbal response out of him and still he refuses to utter one word.” She said as she made her way to the door she turned and glared at him for a second then ambled off leaving the door wide open and I left it that way; my will power of proving to be nonexistent especially now that I was face to face with him.

 I drew a deep breath and made my way over to the table and sat down in the chair that Flora had occupied. “Hi Isaac, how have you been?” I asked him and watched and waited in hopes that he would finally respond verbally to my inquiry.

 His eyes flicked back up to mine and he just nodded his head and looked back down. I studied his features and I was happy to see that the shadows under his eyes were no longer there and he had healthy glow to his skin. His face and body filled out a little more and I attributed that to the fact that he was finally eating a proper diet. I lifted the bag and emptied out onto the table so show him his treats and I watched his eyes light up, and he immediately picked one up and smiled at me before tearing into it.

 I felt my heart flutter in my chest at the sight of one of his genuine honest to goodness smiles. It was my first time to actually see one of them on his face and I had to admit that it transformed his usually stoic features completely. He was absolutely the most stunning man I have ever laid my eyes on and I knew I was in deep shit. I knew it, but like the total selfish human being that I was, I couldn’t walk away from him and hand his case over to one of my partners like I should be doing.

 I sat and watched him as he enjoyed his chocolate. He finished it and got up to put the wrapper in the garbage by his desk. He stood there for a minute looking a little lost and unsure of what he was supposed to do. So I waved him back over, for him to sit back down beside me so we could chat for a minute or two. I was determined to keep things professional so I put a firm lid on my inappropriate thoughts and I began asking him a series of questions about his stay so far and about the staff and how they were treating him.

 When I got to the topic of his fear for the male staff members he withdrew from me completely by sitting back in his chair. It was as if he trying to distance himself from the turn our conversation took.

 “Isaac, I am trying my best to help you in every way possible. I understand that you don’t want to talk about it; you don’t want to go back there not even in your thoughts. But I need you to realize that although you may not want to do it, you are going to have to in order to continue to move forward with your life.” I said to him as I leaned forward to try to get him to look me in the eye so that he could see that I was absolutely serious about this.

 He blew out a trembling breath and my heart ached for him as he turned those beautiful blue eyes on me and they shimmered with unshed tears. I got up and I closed his door to his room to maintain his privacy because those big fat tears of pain began to roll down his face. I picked up the chair I was sitting in and placed it right in front of him and sat back down. Invading his space a little as I leaned forward and it was a potentially dangerous move for me if he snapped again, but I was willing to take the chance. Isaac was not insane or prone to fits of rage. His sense of self preservation and instants had taken over at that point in his life and it led him to do what he did. So I wasn’t worried at all about him harming me in any form what so ever.

 “Isaac, that pain right there is what I am talking about, it is affecting you, it’s holding you back and you need to get rid of it. You need to talk to me, to tell me about it so I know how best to help you through it. Everyone in this building is here to help you, especially the Orderlies. Some of them may seem a bit intimidating but they are the gentlest souls you could ever meet. They are here to help Flora and Richard as well as all of you.” I said as he continued to let the tears flow.

 Reaching into my pocket I removed my handkerchief and leaned forward moving my hand slowly so that he could see it coming and that I was only intending to wipe his face and nothing else. He sat stock still as I mopped up his cheeks and I bit my tongue so I would release the whimper I was holding in as the tingles that shot up my arm from the warmth radiating off of his skin. I could feel I through the cotton as I cleaned his face.

 “Okay, imagine if one of the patients got rough with Flora, those guys are here to help so that scenario doesn’t happen, other than that they are here to care for you too.” I said as I placed the handkerchief in his hand for him to finish the job before I was driven to lean closer to him to taste those quivering pink lips of his.

  Attempting to put him at ease and the regroup myself I asked him, “I want to do something before I leave today. I want to introduce you to the guys, all of the male staff members on this floor. I want you to be comfortable around them because I don’t want you to have any undue stress, because starting next week we are going to start your sessions and Flora is going to assign you your daily chores and we will go from there.” I leaned back a little further to give him some breathing room.

“And what I mentioned earlier about talking about your life, that we can ease into slowly. So, I don’t want you to feel anxious about it. But please try to remember what I said about you moving on from it and what you need to do in order to do. I also want you to think about speaking out loud, talking to people. You don’t have to say anything about yourself or your past, but simply try to verbally respond to what you are asked, things like what you want to eat for dinner or a snack, or answering yes or no to things. Imagine how over the moon Flora will be, she might even let you eat more.” I teased and watched as the beautiful smile wobbled back onto his face and I felt like a Superhero for putting it there.

 I stood up and I held out my hand to help him up from the chair. He looked at it for a few moments before he cautiously placed his much larger palm against mine and I did my best to ignore the tingles shooting up my arm and spreading all over my body, waking up my nerve endings as I firmly gripped onto his warm hand. I led him to the door and opened it with my keycard and we paced down the hall to the Nurses Desk. Flora looked up and I hoped she read the silent message in my eyes properly, and she did when she acted like it was an everyday occurrence to have a patient in the station.

 “Okay everyone as you may have known this is our newest guest, Isaac. I wanted to formally introduce him to everyone that is going to be involved in his care so that he feels a bit more comfortable with all the new faces in his life so far.” I said to my staff and I was never more proud of them as I watched them introduce themselves one by one, never invading his space or making an attempt to shake his hand.

 Little did I realize that the whole time we stood there talking to them that Isaac kept a firm grip on my hand and that he never ventured more than a centimeter away from my side. It wasn’t until Flora declared that it was time to get cleaned up for dinner and came to over to help Isaac back to his room, that I realized it because he refused to let my hand go and his eyes pleaded for me stay with him and I didn’t have the heart to walk away. And that was how I wound up sitting in his room eating dinner at the little table that evening.

 I was a pushover for him and I knew it, but it seemed at this moment in time I didn’t care about it. He needed me and I stayed with him until he was almost falling asleep in his chair.  Flora came bustling in to shoo him to bed. She didn’t make any remarks about the length of time I spent with Isaac, for which I was very grateful. I knew it probably looked like I was giving him special treatment and I was because as my patient he needed it, but as I full blooded man, I needed it.  He drew me in like no one has ever had before and I must learn to separate myself from my personal feelings in order to be of any use to him at all.

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

(Nurse Richard------->)

 Warning intense content

 It has been a few days since Dr. Covington was last here with me when he had brought me my treats, and I wondered if I had freaked him out with the way I had latched onto him when he introduced me to his staff. I wondered if he was disgusted with me if that was the reason why he hasn’t returned. I sat up in my bed and glanced out the window into the moonlit night. It was still well into the very early hours of the morning and there was a full moon in the sky. The bright rays of moonlight projected inside through the open curtains and almost lit up the room like it was the middle of the day.

I threw the covers off of my body and I got out of bed, and I made my way across the carpet in just my boxer shorts and a t-shirt. Stopping in front of my desk I pulled out the top drawer to reveal my stash of chocolate bars. I picked one up and closed the drawer before climbing back into bed to enjoy my treat. I always had a wicked sweet tooth from when I was a kid.

 I could recall my mother taking me grocery shopping with her on Saturday mornings. She would say no to almost everything that I had asked her for, but when we reached the checkout line she would always let me choose one chocolate bar of my choice and naturally with fail, I would choose the largest one.

 The smile that was on my face as my memories took me back to the days where I was an ordinary little boy watching Batman and Robin cartoons and playing with my prized G. I. Joe action figures slowly slipped away as the unwanted memories of the months that followed  after that happy time.

My mouth got dry and my hands began to shake as my mind painted the pictures from my uncooperative brain. My Mother was a young Widow raising her only son by herself up until the time I turned eight years old. My biological father was killed in an automobile accident when I was only a baby or so she had explained to me. She had remained alone all that time and I yearned to be like almost every other little boy in my neighborhood who had both a Mother and a Father. I used to sit and watch my friends as they played catch with a baseball and mitten or flag football in their front yards with their Fathers, and I found myself would envying what they had. I would turn green with jealously on the first day of school when kids came back and our first writing assignment was always what we did over the summer with our families. And when I visited my friends and watched their parents together, I wanted that for my Mom. I wanted to see her giggle like a schoolgirl when her husband came home and kissed her in the kitchen.

 I thought we had found all of what my foolishly young heart was yearning for when she met HIM.  He was perfect in the beginning of their relationship, and he went out of his way for us. He took me to baseball games and he taught me how to bait a fishing line. I had gotten my wish of watching my Mom giggle like a teenage girl with her first crush whenever he brought her flowers by the bushels load. We were happy and I no longer felt left out, I could now brag now and show off that yes, I had a Father now.  And when they sat me down to explain that they were deeply in love and they wanted to get married, I was in hog heaven, I was so ecstatic.

 The only set back was that was now my perfect family life was that we were going to have to move away because of HIS job, but I was too happy to really care if we moved  to other side of the world as long as we were a normal family.

 Everything was beautiful for over a year after their simple wedding, but t something happened that my ten year old self couldn’t comprehend at the time. My Mom had gotten really sick and the Doctor had said that she wouldn’t live out the remainder of the year. That was when things started to go downhill. With all the medical bills and Mom getting sicker and sicker, HE started to turn into a monster.  She finally died a few months after finding out she was ill and  with her death her suffering ended and soon after mine began,  that was when my…I shook myself and cut of the memories off right there. I didn’t want to remember anymore.

 My reality slowly returned to me and I blinked around the darkened room at my surroundings to get my bearings that I wasn’t in that time or place anymore. I went to scrub a hand over my face but I noticed that it was covered with melted chocolate and sticky caramel and I looked down to see the crushed remnants of the candy bar still clutched tightly in my other fist.

 Feeling completely drained and exhausted, I dragged myself up off of the bed and shuffled towards the bathroom. I threw away the remainder of the candy and washed my hands and dried them on the towel hanging over the toilet and returned to my bed. I lay down and curled up onto my side and I willed my mind to go blank, just like all those nights…and once again I stopped myself from going back to that place inside of my head.

 I laid there desperately trying to think of anything or anyone that would keep my thoughts from dragging me back into the darkness.

 I thought about Nurse Flora and how she practically shoved my vegetables down my throat when I didn’t want to eat them. I thought about the other Nurse, his name was Richard, and he acted so much like a girl. He even wore uniform tops with pink hearts all them. He talked a mile a minute and loved to use words like, “Girl” and, “Honey.” And several times during the introductions I found myself biting the insides of my cheeks to keep from laughing at his antics.

 It is until Nurse Flora told him to stop flirting with Dr. Covington and that his husband wouldn’t be happy about it, and they all laughed like what she just said wasn’t anything out of the norm.

 It had taken all of my will power to keep my jaw from snapping off and crashing to the ground with a resounding thud. How was that possible, a man marrying another  man…I had plenty of painful and downright degrading experiences from HIM and a long line of his equally evil friends that, “ IT, “ was possible between two men. It was painful and it felt like someone was ripping out your soul from down there, why would someone willingly do something like that? And here they were talking about Richard marrying and living with another man like it was the most natural thing in the world.

 Flora had caught the confused expression that was clearly written across my face and she called for everyone to go and get cleaned up for dinner. Dr. Covington had led me back to my room and I just knew he was going to leave and that irrational part of me had reared its ugly head, and I had all but wrapped myself around the man arm and I was very tempted to open my mouth to plead with him to stay with me a little longer. But he had read my body’s physical plea and he stayed. He sat down and ate dinner with me and he talked to me and said some more things for me really think about. I sat up and steadfastly refused to let him make his exit until my eyes couldn’t stay open on their own anymore.

 I had the vague memory of Flora coming into my room and she rushed me off to bed.  I recalled a warm hand running through my hair and a whispered goodnight before the room was plunged into darkness and I given myself over to the pull of my exhaustion.

Rolling over I tried to make myself more comfortable under the smooth cotton sheets on the bed, and again my mind went back to Richard and his husband in efforts to avoid any further thinking about my life after my Mother passed away, but I didn’t succeed in keeping them away. I wound up thinking that if I could find the courage to do what he said, would the good Doctor be able to explain to me why my Mom had gotten so sick and why she had to die and leave me at the mercy of HIS hands.

 I rolled over yet again and punched the pillow into shape before resting my head on it, and I wondered if Flora was out there at the Nurses’ Desk. I wanted to go back to sleep but my overactive mind wouldn’t let me.

  I looked up and studied the little intercom button bedside the headboard with the picture of a Nurse on it. Did I dare push it and see if Flora was out there? Would I have to speak to someone on the other end, and was it like Dr. Covington had explained that they all were here to provide for my care. That they all already knew about me not wanting to communicate verbally with anyone.

 And before I could change my mind I quickly pushed the button and waited for someone to answer my call light and after a few seconds a disembodied voice came over the speaker.

“Hi Isaac, are you okay Honey?” Richard’s Southern drawl cascaded through the piece of equipment. “I will be right there Sugar.” He stated a mere moment before the speaker once again fell silent.

 After a space of a few minutes, I heard someone at my door and a jangle of keys, the door swung open and a second later Richard stuck his head through the crack looking into the room, and when he saw me sitting at the side of the bed he opened the door wide and stepped all the way into my room and flipped the switch on the wall to turn on my bedside lamp.

“What’s the matter, you having a bad night?” He asked me as he walked over and took a seat beside me but left a respectable space in between where we were sitting next to each other.

 I just shrugged my shoulders at him and motioned using my hands and bringing them up to my face and resting my cheek against then showing him the universal sign for sleep, then opening my eyes to look at him to see if he understood what I was trying to say.

 He did get it because he responded by saying, “You want to sleep, I get it but I can’t give you anything to sleep at this time, it’s almost morning and if I give a sleep aide you will be out of it all day just to repeat this nocturnal vigil again in the night.”

 I nodded letting him know that I understood what he was saying and spread my arms out silently asking him what now? And he studied my face with one hand under his chin and his elbow resting on one knee of his crossed legs.

 “Alright sweet stuff, get dressed and freshen yourself up. You can help us out this morning getting stuff organized for breakfast and such.” He informed me and stood up and clapped his hands together. “Chop, chop. I will even explain to Flora that you were up early and you helped out so therefore you can have an afternoon nap.” He explained and I blushed slightly as I got up standing in front of him in only my underwear. But Richard just turned around and I walked over to the dresser and grabbed a fresh pair of yellow scrubs and headed for the bathroom to change.

 Once inside I closed the door behind me and I performed my morning routine. I washed my hands and face and brushed my teeth. I combed my hair and ran a hand over the stubble on my face. I was in dire need of a shave and maybe a haircut I thought as I looked at my reflection in the mirror hanging above the sink.

 Nurse Flora had mentioned something on my first night here about a barber providing haircuts and such, so I would have to somehow find out from her when I can go and see him or her. I shook my head when I thought about my first haircut in all the years I was tied up in that dungeon of a room. HE thought it suited me to me hairless all over and he usually drugged me and shaved every inch of my body when I was knocked out. HE wasn’t gentle or caring about it either. I would spend days afterwards with razor burns that itched to the point of insanity and I couldn’t scratch any of them because my wrists were bound with rope to the headboard of that dinghy bed all the time.

 Willing the memories to go away I turned and opened the door, and I flipped the light switch off and stalked across the room to find my flip flops that were also provided for me along with daily changes of scrubs. Once I had them on I turned expectantly to Richard waited for him to tell me what to do. He just smiled and swept his arm out in an arch for me to precede him out of the room and I followed his instructions as I walked out the door and into the hall.

 As always, the hallway was very quiet and I have yet to see the other occupants of this floor. But that was because I had spent my days so far too scared to come out of my room, and I timidly did so now because what else was I going to do? Sit in there in solitude and let my memories and thoughts drag me back into my personal Hell. I don’t think so, this was a better option, at least I hoped it was.

 We made it to the Nurses area and there were two new Orderlies in there that I didn’t meet the day before and I stopped and hovered uncertainly and looked back towards Richard for his help. He smiled patiently at me as he stepped around my frozen form and motioned for me to come closer. He walked over to the huge guy leaning against the counter top and literally wrapped himself around the man. The big guy just folded Richard into his chest and kissed the top of his mussed brown curls.

 “Isaac, this stud muffin right here is my Husband, Brad and that cutie over there is, Miguel.” He said as he pointed to the other dark skinned man sitting at the desk with a pile of paperwork in front of him. I was battling with myself not to run back to my room, and both men waved hello to me. Miguel gave me a quick once over with his eyes that made me feel really uncomfortable and I ducked my head and I could feel my face flushing with fear.

 I started inching backwards towards the hall but Richard saw my distress and took a step towards me and I panicked and bolted back down the hallway to my room. I stumbled through the door with my heart pounding away in my chest and tears blurring my vision, and I slammed the door behind me.

 I was in full out distress and I started hyperventilating and I couldn’t control the violent shaking of my limbs. Those men were built just like HIS friends, big and burly with mounds of muscle. It was almost as if I could feel them restraining me, pressing my face into the dirty mattress as the brutally used me, ripping me open and telling me to take it like the slut that I was. I could actually smell the stench of stale beer and musky sweaty skin as they viciously pulled at my hips and my private parts, brutally twisting them for their own enjoyment as they laughed and slapped my butt over and over again until one grunted and switched places the other one.

 I was catapulted back into the horrors of that grungy room with those men that liked other men, some even urinating on my body making my bruises and cuts burn, then when they were finished they would hose me off with ice cold water and left me shivering on the drenched bedding or on the floor bound, battered, bloodied, and bruised. These were the memories that I held inside and they surged forward to ruthlessly choke me. I felt myself getting light headed and I dropped onto my knees on the floor just as Richard and the two men burst through the door, but I didn’t see them. I saw the monsters and they were coming for me once again.

 Screaming on the top of my lungs and babbling through my tears, I begged with my hoarse unused voice for them to go away to leave me alone as I tried to scramble across the carpet to get away from them. I pleaded and begged and told them I was a good boy and I promised to behave if they would just not hurt me anymore. I fell forward and caught myself from smashing my face into the floor. My stomach heaved and I vomited up all the acid and bile that was churning in my stomach. The big men stepped up despite my struggling to get away from them and bodily lifted me from the floor and I thrashed and twisted against their restraining arms screaming the whole time.

 They manhandled me over to the bed and I panicked even more and I managed to get one of my arms free and I balled up my  hand into fist and punched wherever I could reach on the man closet  to me and I heard him grunt painfully but instead of letting me go his hold on me tightened.

 I heard a commotion in the doorway and I barely registered what was happening over there, I was focused only on the fact that I was once again being forced onto a bed. Two more men came rushed into the room and joined the fray, they managed to pin on my stomach on the mattress and I kicked and fought with everything that I had in me. I felt a sharp prick on my shoulder and I hollered out and struggled some more.

 Sweat poured off me in buckets and my head started spinning, I couldn’t breathe and I tried to fight it, this feeling was all too familiar from the numerous times HE did this to me. I felt myself losing control and I cursed them at the top of my lungs never realizing how slurred my words were coming out, and then everything closed down and the darkness claimed me yet again and my body went limp on the rumpled bed and my eyes closed.

 I barely registered the feminine southern drawl or the hand that swept through my hair as the person crooned over me. All that I managed to make out was same southern accent of that person as they instructed somebody else to straighten me out onto the bed, and to make sure that I was comfortable.  They said that they were going to put out a call to Dr. Covington so that he could come immediately. And yes, I needed him to come, he promised me that he would help me and I needed him. A white noise clouded my hearing and cut off anything else that was said and I just let myself go and let the drug take me into space.

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

 (Tormented Isaac----->)

 

My heart was firmly lodged in my throat as I scurried around the room hopping into whatever clothes I managed to lay my hands on. Flora had called not even five minutes ago waking me up of my sleep and promptly informed me that there was an incident concerning Isaac, and that he had to be physically restrained and sedated. And that little bit of news caused my blood pressure to shoot up through the roof.

 My hands shook as I pulled on my sweat pants because I was angry enough to spit nails and damn it, heads were going to roll when I get to the Institute. I had placed specific orders in his medical record clearly stating that there was to be absolutely no show of physical force what so ever was to be performed on him, and absolutely no use of restraints of any kind on his person. Bodily contact and the binding of his limbs were major triggers for him.

  I had found that out the hard way when he was arrested and held in custody. He needed extensive preparation just to be cuffed and transported to court for the first time. He had gotten so distressed and worked himself up to the point that his hearing had to be rescheduled.  I had to make myself available for his counseling and support by order the Judge whenever he had to be in court.  So I could only imagine that they must have sent him into an almost catatonic state when they rushed him and pinned him down to administer his sedative.

  The word livid was not the term you could have used to describe the level of pissed off that I was feeling right about now.  My staff’s actions tonight have most likely managed to further traumatize my patient, even more so than he already was. I couldn’t help but to wonder what had happened in the first place? What had scared him and triggered a reaction strong enough that he had to be chemically restrained?  I didn’t have the time for Flora to explain the whole story to me after she had muttered out the words about it taking four Orderlies to take Isaac down. I  had found myself uncharacteristically screaming at her and she had gone quiet on the other end of the line until I barked out further orders for  them to see to Isaac’s comfort and care and most importantly for them to leave him the Hell alone until I arrived.

  Finally, when I made it to my car and got on the road that would take me to the Institute, my eyes were constantly flicking between the road ahead and rear view mirrors checking for any flashing lights of a Police cruiser because there was no doubt about it, I was speeding as the miles and the trees flew by in my haste to get to Isaac. I did everything from counting to breathing air in through my nose and expelling it out of my mouth in a desperate attempt to try to calm myself down.

  My feelings of outrage and condemnation would have been triggered for any of my patients in a situation like this, but because it was Isaac, poor Isaac who has already been through so much and has silently suffered alone and terrified through unimaginable horrors of the things that had been done to him by his sadistic Stepfather for God knows how long; horrors that literally drove him out of his mind, reducing him to the point where his basic instinct of self preservation ruled and he was convinced that he had to commit murder in order for his torment to stop. It cut me to the core and my heart and I felt like it was shattering into multiple pieces in my chest for him, it felt like his pain was my pain and this set back tonight was far from my promise to him of  helping him trough his recovery.

 Someone was going to give me answers, I don’t care who, but whoever it was needed to explain to me damn it, how had they managed to let this happen. What was going on at this time of the morning that warranted the actions of my staff having to man handle a patient? Not that the need to do so has never cropped up before, it has but never on the third floor and never with someone as fragile as Isaac. I was already upset enough to feel like I wanted to fire the entire floor of employees for their incompetence.

  The only thing saving them was the fact that even I recognized that it was the man in me, the man that was almost besotted to the point of stupidity over Isaac and his innocent but tragic beauty and that inner goodness. I wasn’t looking at the situation with the impracticality of a seasoned Professional Clinician in my field of study. No, I was looking at it like an angry boyfriend or lover out to protect his significant other from the world and I needed to separate myself from these feeling like right now. It would end well for either Isaac or myself.

 Letting the car roll to stop at the security box, I quickly placed my keycard on the metal reader and pulled away when I got the green light and the heavy gates swung open. I brought my hand back into the car and drove through the now opened gates and I drove straight to the front of the house and parked the car. It seemed that the entire house was awake by now and before my sneaker hit the cobbled driveway stones, the front door swung open and Taylor rushed over to me. She was wearing a pair of pale pink silk pajamas with the matching robe billowing out behind her as she flew down the steps.

 “So are you the designated speaker for the group?” I asked as I slammed the door to my car and walked around the hood and began climbing the stairs leading to the front doors. I side stepped her at the last minute otherwise she would have caught me in one of her famous tackles. I kept going leaving her sputtering behind me. They didn’t understand how upset I was but they were going to understand it soon enough.

 I swiped my card to call the elevator and rocked on the balls of my feet with my hands clenched into fists inside the pockets of my sweats as I waited for it. Taylor caught up with me and I guess by the look on my face she decided to keep her mouth shut. Smart choice, I wanted to hear what happened directly from the people involved in this incident. The lift dinged and the doors opened and we stepped on. I pushed the button for the third floor and the doors closed and we were effortlessly lifted upwards to our destination.

 Stepping out of the lift as soon as the door opened  I marched down the hall, my footfalls went from the slap of my sneakers on tile to the muted thud where the carpet came into play leading up the middle of the walkway leading to the multiple bedrooms. As I passed the Nurses’ station Flora made to get up to follow me but I waved her off. My need to see Isaac outweighed my need for detailed information right now. I wanted to make sure that he was alright, or at least as okay as he could be in this situation.

 My purposeful strides faltered and halted to a complete stop when I came up to his semi closed door. I wondered if he felt like I lied to him. I had promised him that nothing would happen to him here, that he would be safe  and yet within the first week his being in my care his internal panic button was smacked square on and one of his greatest fears occurred right here where he was supposed to feel safe.

 I shook my head and lifted my hand to push the door open wider. I saw Isaac lying on the bed, and he was curled into a tight ball right up against the headboard and my heart lurched and dropped heavily into my stomach like a solid chunk of rock. I flipped the switch on the wall and the lamps came to life illuminating the room and he released a distressed whimper and I immediately slapped them off again.

 “Isaac, its Dr. Covington. Can I come in?” I whispered from the door hoping that he would let me get closer to him. I was dying to see for myself if he was physically harmed in anyway. I already knew from the way he was curled so tightly into his fetal position that he has already drawn back into his protective shell.

 I got no response to my question from the figure on the bed, so I deliberately advanced into the room making sure my movements were slow and nonthreatening as I made my way over to the bed. I carefully eased down and sat on the mattress keeping a careful distance away from his body but still right in the line of his vision. I didn’t know what to say, I felt like I failed him somehow and I felt that this was totally my fault. My shoulders slumped as I sat there and looked into his frightened glazed over blue eyes.

  I don’t know how long we sat there in silence but when he stirred and he looked right at me. “Don’t let them drug me anymore…please.” I heard the hoarse whisper and I leaned forward and my eyes flashed to his mouth wondering if I was imagining it. Did Isaac just speak to me?

 My heart fluttered in my chest and I leaned forward even more. I was almost lying on my stomach facing him. “They needed to calm you down, and they were afraid that you were going hurt yourself.” I quietly explained to him and I carefully studied his face. I didn’t want to miss it a second time if he chose to speak to me again.

  Tears formed and shimmered in his eyes, he looked so lost and hurt, almost pitiful and I could feel myself tearing up right along with him and I bit the inside of my cheek to keep them off from falling. I didn’t want Isaac to think I pitied him, far from it. I was in awe of him, totally amazed that he saved himself and most of his sanity through his ordeals, and his drive to survive the hell I could only imagine about was epic.

 When he spoke again, his deep voice was course and breathy from not using it for so long and I almost held my breath. I wanted to hear every single syllable he uttered and what he said had me on my feet in an instant. His words rang in my ears and the tears I was fighting slipped down my face. “They used to hold me down and drug me. Please tell them not to do that…I didn’t know it was them.” He had rasped out and those words struck me like a physical blow. He said they, meaning multiple, it wasn’t just his Stepfather abusing him, there was more people involved in his abuse and I could feel my stomach roil with the thought.

  I needed to hear his story from his own mouth. I knew hearing it was going to rip me to shreds and I know I was asking him to relive everything that has happened to him and it was going to tear him apart. It was going to be like it was happening to him all over again, but he needed to purge it. I dashed the tears off of my cheeks and turned back around to face him.

 “I am sorry; Isaac for what happened tonight, none of it was your fault. Trust and believe me when I tell you this. I will speak to the staff, and as a matter of fact, you are going to be my sole focus for the time being. I am even going to stay on site to make sure you feel safe again.” I vowed to him as I once again sat down on his bed, but this time I sat close enough to touch his hand.

 It hurt me to see him flinch away from me, and I drew my hand back to rest it at my side. Isaac closed his eyes and released a quivering breath. He was just beginning to relax out of his coiled position when there was a knock on the door and he rolled up even tighter and hid his face in his arms. My anger peaked and I snapped out a curt, “What,” to whoever was on the other side of the door.  My gaze remained on Isaac and I watched as his body began to tremble when the room door opened and Richard stuck his head through the space he created.

 “This is not the time, Richard, go back out to the desk and please ask Flora to come here.” I said not taking my gaze off of the terrified man in front of me.

 The door closed with a quiet click and an air of disappointment was left behind, but Richard’s feelings were the least of my concerns right now. Isaac began to calm down again and I just sat there and let my mind wander over the little tidbit he had revealed about his Stepfather drugging him and in order to violate him and let others do so as well.

 Never in my life would I have thought that the taking of someone’s life was a justifiable action. But looking at Isaac and watching the big man reduced to this after what must have been years of torture made me glad that the son a bitch was dead. Bastards like that needed not to have been spawned in the first place.

 Yet again, I found another dimension to the human psyche that made me glad I chose the profession that I have. The human brain and its workings will never be something that one can say, “Yes, I have studied it to the fullest and I have figured it out.” It was a constant education, there was and will always be something to learn, something new to study about it.

 I checked my watch as I listened to Isaac’s breathing slow down as he fell into an exhausted slumber. I gently got up from the bed and quietly made my way over to the door. I pressed my keycard against the locking mechanism to open it. I didn’t want Flora’s knock to disturb him. I stepped into the hall but I left the door wide open so that I could keep an eye on him and if he woke up he would see me standing here in the hallway effectively keeping my promise to him not to leave him alone right for the time being.

  I heard muffled footsteps coming and I looked up to see Flora coming down the walkway fully dressed in her white uniform and her salt and pepper hair in her usual no nonsense bun. She stopped not too far away from me and clasped her hands in front of her. I knew I hurt her feelings because I have never raised my voice to her, but at that moment in time my anxiety over Isaac well being ruled over my emotions.

 “First thing is first, I apologize for raising voice to you. It was unprofessional and I am sorry.” I said and watched as she looked up and nodded her head at me, a small smile played around her mouth as she waved it off.

 “Flora, you are my eyes and ears here when I am not here and I expected better from all of you when it comes to dealing with delicate patients.  I don’t know the whole story so I need for you to tell me what happened.”  I said and my gaze traveled back to my patient before coming back to her.

 Flora sighed heavily and explained to me the events of the early morning. I felt like there was a vice twisting tighter and tighter around my guts the longer she spoke. Isaac had panicked with the introduction of two new faces, big males that represented the people that hurt him and my mind traveled to the two friends of the Stepfather that testified in court against Isaac and I held up a trembling hand to stop Flora’s flow of words.

  I clenched my fists and a red haze descended over my vision and my very breath was whisked away right out of my lungs. I spun on my heel, my anger locked around my throat and choked me and I swung out and punched the wall. A hole formed in where my fist went through the dry wall and with an exclamation Flora surged forward to grab my now bleeding fist. Her eyes filled with concern. I ignored it because my thoughts were in turmoil.

 Those sons of bitches had sat so smugly not three feet away from where Isaac had sat with his Lawyer throughout the whole proceedings. They had sworn an oath on the Bible and testified that he was crazy and that he bullied his Stepfather and blamed him for his Mother’s death when all that time they were the ones…..  And I had to cut off the deplorable course of my thoughts before it completely consumed me. I needed to talk his Lawyer; better yet, I was going to hire a better one. The Public Defender’s office was spread too thin; they do not have the man power or the time to devote to Isaac in the proper way.

 Flora fussed over me even though I was trying to wave her off but she stuck to her guns, and after going to the supply closet she came back and cleaned my cuts and bandaged my hand standing right there outside of Isaac’s room.  I had flatly refused to go to the desk or anywhere else. Once she was done I thanked her and told her to go on about her duties and that I will speak to her later on in the day.

 I had plans to make because if it was the last thing that I would do, I was going to help Isaac get justice for the crimes committed against him. I was going to do my best to help him gain the confidence and the peace of mind to have the ability to speak to anyone at any given moment without fear. I was going to let him know that there is so much more to this world than pain, especially the pain caused by the very people that are supposed to care for you. But my first plan of action was to find a damn good Attorney to take over and represent Isaac’s rights. I tuned back and headed back into his room and I sat in the chair by the window. I wanted my face to be the first one he saw when he opened his eyes so that he would know that he was okay for I refused for him to suffer anymore from this point on.

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

(Shirtless Dr. Royce---->)

 

 It’s been a week since my I had my complete meltdown in the Nurses’ Station, and I have barely managed to muster the energy to do anything other than to perform the necessary functions like bathing and eating.  I was currently looking at my ragged reflection in the bathroom mirror as I stood over the sink with the water running. I never did get around to having my haircut or a shave and I was sorely in the need of one. I dried my wet hands on the towel after turning off the water faucet and took a deep calming breath. It was time for breakfast and Dr. Covington was waiting for us in order to eat.

 I felt bad about manipulating his time like I have been with my neediness, but he was like a security blanket for me, he kept the demons away with just his presence alone. It didn’t feel right when he wasn’t with me, and I knew that at some point I was going to have to let him get back to his life and his other patients, but I was being selfish. I haven’t uttered another word since that day and I am still struggling with the decision about telling him everything. But it has become blatantly clear that I am going to have to, if nothing alone proved that, my actions of last week did it for me.

 I completely went off my rocker and panicked just by meeting two people that triggered the memory of HIS foul friends and the things they did to me. Dr. Covington has practically spent the entire week reassuring me until he was blue in the face. He kept reiterating the fact that none of the things that happened to me was my fault. He said that I was the victim and that I needed to hold my head up because I survived and they didn’t break me. And that was the only part of his explanation that I disagreed with because I was broken. Not only that I am dirty, they had managed to make me into a filthy nasty whore and they tainted me right down to my soul. How was I to share something like that to someone so angelic?

 That was how I viewed Royce, he was like an eternal Angel to me and I didn’t understand these feelings he stirred within me. I found myself watching him; he spent every waking minute with me. When I wake up in the morning he is usually sitting at the table quietly working on his laptop until I got up to take a shower. Then we would have breakfast and he asks me all sorts of things, like how I was feeling, did I sleep well, did I dream and so on. He spoke to me like I was going to answer his questions. He even told me that he liked the sound of my voice and now that he has heard it. I have gone and clammed up again denying him the pleasure of hearing it.

 I had found myself blushing and my chest had filled out with pride when he had said that, and my reactions to his praise left me feeling even more confused. I didn’t know how to define how he was making me feel. Another example happened the first two days when I had refused to get out of bed and I refused to have him leave my side and he had to use my shower in my room.

 He had just taken a shower and I so happened to woken up at the same time he realized that he must have forgotten his clothes by his bag before going into the bathroom. He had come out of the bathroom and steam billowed out behind him carrying his scent over to me and I inhaled his calming fragrance as I covertly watched him walk across the room in nothing but a towel warp around him as it hung real low lean waist. His firm abdominal muscles on display showing that he took excellent care of his body.  I had closed my eyes and pretended to sleep when he turned to check on me. He turned back and picked up his forgotten outfit and went back into the bathroom closing the door behind him.

 The sight of his toned body and his pale skin did something to me. I felt these little tingles all over my body and my heart beat just a little faster. I wanted so much to touch his skin just to see if it feels as soft as it looks. I had no idea why I felt this way for him and it confused me. I wanted to ask him about these conflicting emotions but I was afraid and I was tired of it. Every moment of my life from the time my Mother passed away right up until present day, I have spent it all living in fear and I was over it.

 I wanted to be normal; I wanted to see a stranger in the street and smile like a frigging loon while waving hello to them. I didn’t want to cower in the corner anymore like an ignorant reprobate. And Dr. Covington was right, I had to want to change and I had to find the courage to do it, but it would take one step at a time and that first step was always the hardest one.

 So as of right now I made the decision to take that step today and I opened the bathroom door and walked across the room with a purpose to my step. Dr. Covington…um Royce as he told me to address him as was already seated at the table. He was busy texting away on his phone with one hand while shoveling eggs into his mouth with the other. My place was already set with a plate piled high of everything that I liked to eat in the morning.

  I just shook my head and smiled, Nurse Flora and Nurse Richard have been spoiling me rotten and fussing and fluttering over me completely out doing one another in their efforts to apologize to me, but they didn’t need to do that and they refused  to listen to me every time I tried to wave them off.

 Tucking into my food I gave Royce his space to deal with his business, he has been extremely busy tied to his computer and his phone for the last couple of days and today was no different for him, but it was going to be different day for me. Today was the day I am going to take that first step, so I ate my breakfast and drank my juice and shored up my courage. Once I was done with my food I leaned back in my chair and patiently waited until he was finished with his own.

 Royce had placed his phone on the table and drained the last of his coffee before giving me his undivided attention. I felt my heart flutter and my private part twitched shocking the Hell out of me when he smiled at me and those beautiful blues shined behind the polished lenses of his glasses. I bit down on my bottom lip and tried to work out my body’s reactions and the fact that I just called a man eyes beautiful. I wondered if that was right, it never seemed right, being with a man as opposed to woman…ugh I didn’t know anything about that stuff other than what HE and his friends talked about and they were sick. Did it make me a sick person to think about him like that, actually liking him like that?

 “Isaac, you seem really preoccupied this morning.” He stated effectively cutting off my internal debate with myself.

 And I thought it was now or never and I wiped my sweaty palms on my pants and lifted my head to look directly at him. “I am trying to work something out in my head.” I quietly whispered and my throat tickled from the foreign vibrations of actually speaking after being silent for such a time. I picked up my glass of water and took a sip. When I felt stronger I looked up to see Royce with his eyes wide open and blinking at me like an owl. I almost burst out laughing at the shock written clearly across his face. He looked like you could have knocked him over with a feather.

 “Are you going to give me one sentence then clam up on me all over again?” He asked once his shock wore off and I had his full attention now and I was almost sorry that I did.

 My physical response to him was getting stronger by the day and I had no clue of what to do about it or how to deal with it, so I just prayed for strength and put it to the back of my mind for now. I had bigger fish to fry.

 “No, I am taking that first step you talked about and I really need a haircut and shave.” I said trying to take a little seriousness out of what I just admitted.

 “Well that is a good reason to finally say something.” He teased and I found myself blushing like a girl and I ducked my head feeling a little embarrassed.

  Royce just chuckled and patted my hand that was resting on the table and I felt those tingles again but I steadfastly ignored them.

 “Well come on then, let’s go chase down Flora and maybe you can say something and shock her as well this morning.” He teased and I almost rolled my eyes, if my speaking made him this happy and so mischievous I should have kept my mouth shut. But the thought of flustering Nurse Flora’s unflappable façade was really tempting to me, so I got up and helped him pile the used dishes back onto the tray cleaning staff to pick up.

 That was another thing I had to respect Royce for. He had made sure to call a meeting with every staff member that worked in the Institute, even his other partners in his practice. They had spent all an afternoon here the other day and I was introduced to everyone from the cook to the gardener. All introductions were made with Royce and Flora standing guard over me in case I became overwhelmed. Even Richard, his Husband and the other Orderly involved in our incident had come up to apologize for scaring me but I waved them off hoping that they understood that it wasn’t their fault. It was my messed up head and at some point I was going to tell them.

 We made our way down the hall to the Nurses station and I couldn’t help but smile at the big grin on Royce’s face. He looked like he had just conquered the world and I knew he was happy that I talked to him. He got to the desk before me and Flora was sitting there sorting through some paperwork. She looked up and smiled at us and Royce looked over at me with an expectant look on his face. He even raised his eyebrows as if he was telling me to get on with it.

 I turned my attention back to Flora and willed by nerves to go away. “Good Morning.” I mumbled and watched the papers fall out of Nurse Flora’s hands and flutter back down onto the surface of her desk.

 She put a hand to her ample bosoms. “Well tickle me pink. Boy, you finally opened your mouth to do something other than eat. Quick somebody tell me if pigs are flying outside.” She cried and began to laugh as she slapped her hand on the desk.

 This time I did roll my eyes. I now knew that I was really living with a bunch of comedians and it didn’t end there. Flora flew out of the chair so fast it was like she was someone much younger and lighter than she actually was and scurried across the station. She banged through a door on the opposite side and Royce just shook his head and leaned his elbows on the counter in front of him.

 I looked on completely confused until Nurse Flora came back but she was dragging a whining Richard behind her. They came to a stop in front of me and she practically threw Richard into my chest. I had to holdout my hands to steady him or else we both would have hit the floor.

 “Whoa, are you alright?” I asked him, and he immediately froze and his mouth fell open as he gaped at me with awe written all over his face but he quickly recovered.

 “Good God, you got a voice delicious enough to make anyone want to drop their drawers by simply muttering one word. Whew Isaac, please say something else.” He crooned and batted his eyelashes at me. I felt my face burn as I flushed bright red. I knew I should have kept my mouth closed. I was never going to hear the end of it and Flora was going to refuse to let me go silent again.

 I looked up and Royce was nodding his head like he knew what I was thinking. He took pity on me and stood up straight and addressed Flora. “Isaac has kindly made the attempt to take his first step and in all seriousness we should applaud him for that, we tend to joke and play around, but remember to be considerate of his feelings. Now Flora he has asked for a haircut and a shave. Can you fit him in first today please?” He asked her and she nodded her head at him all the while smiling at me.

 “Isaac I have some phone calls to make in my office. I will see you at lunch. Is that okay or do you feel that you will need me?” He asked and I decided to take another small step.

 “Flora will be there right?” I asked and she nodded at me. “I will be fine then thank you.” I continued and he blessed me with another one of his devastating smiles and clapped me on the back.

 I watched Royce walk away and disappear down the hall towards the exit. Richard asked me to join him while Flora made the arrangements for me to go downstairs.  I tagged behind him into the common room. Some of the other patients who I also met within the last few days were in there gathered around the television watching some morning show. I felt my nerves ramp up a little but Richard kept on going some them waved at us as we passed by. I dutifully kept pace with him and we went through another door into a much smaller room and I looked around to realize it was a pantry.

 My eyes lit up because it looked like snack heaven in here. He held up a finger to his lips and he reached up to one of the high shelves and pulled down a white paper bag. He rummaged in the bag and pulled out one of my favorite candy bars. He dropped it into my pocket and put the bag back up on the shelf. We retraced our steps back out to the desk and I could feel the candy burning a hole in my pocket, but I didn’t dare take it out otherwise I would a lecture from Nurse Flora about my teeth falling out of my head because of too much sugar.

 Richard went back to his duties after winking at me, and just as he stepped into the hallway Brad walked up carrying a stack of fresh linens in his arms. He stopped and leaned over and gave Richard a quick peck on his lips before continuing on his way. Richard just smiled and walked off with a little skip in his step. The quick exchange between the two had me wondering about my own feelings for Royce and it hit me like a ton bricks. I liked him; I mean liked him, like Richard and Brad like him. Oh my God, I sat there flabbergasted, so much so that Nurse Flora had to snap her fingers in front of my face to get my attention. She studied me for a minute then asked me if I was ready to go and I just nodded at her.

 She clucked her tongue and told me that since I have graced her with the velvet tones of my voice that I was to continue to speak to her or else she was going to make sure my meal trays contained nothing but steamed vegetables for a month. And I truly believed her, oh you cruel woman you, but I didn’t dare to say that to her out loud.

 I walked with her to the elevators and she rattled off the rules of leaving the floor and told me not to make her regret taking me downstairs with just her as my company. Usually patients were taken out of their living area with at least two Orderlies. She warned me to behave and to let her know if anything was bothering me or if I felt overwhelmed for whatever reason and I promised her that I would.

 The elevator dinged on the second floor before continuing on its descent to the first floor and I wondered what Royce was doing now. I wondered if he had someone in his life. And the thought of him with someone else gave me a little jolt right in the area where my heart was located. I shouldn’t even entertain these thought about caring for Royce like that. I was never going to have that someone special for me. I will be locked up for the foreseeable future and I was used and damaged goods. I don’t even know if I could let another person touch me ever again. Neither would I know what to do when it came doing IT.

 Every experience I have had was a painful one and it filled me with shame. But the affection between Richard and Brad was something else, and it was the caring and emotion I used to watch the other children’s parents share with one another. The love I had wished for so many times for my Mother to have in her life. Was it possible that same affection can be shared between men, or was it some sort of sick twisted perversion?

 It sure didn’t look that way between Richard and his husband, and the fact that they were married was a testimony in itself that yes it was possible for a man to love another man. I wondered if I could talk to Richard about my feelings to try to understand them better, but I decided that it wouldn’t be worth it because Royce would never look twice at me. I was his patient he was trying to help fix me. I had too many things to deal with before I can even entertain those thoughts.

 Royce was going to have sit and listen to every horrible detail of my debasement at the hands of a monster, and the things that were done to me that would probably make him think twice about being in the same room with me. I didn’t even know if he was attracted to men. A beautiful man like that most likely had a pretty girlfriend somewhere dreaming of the day he would propose to her and give her a house with the white picket fence and the perfect life with perfect children and a family pet.

 I sighed and Flora looked over at me and I smiled at her to let her know that I was okay. We made it to the salon without incident and to take my mind off of my Doctor. I studied my surroundings. The only other time I was on the first floor was when I arrived two weeks ago, but it has already felt like an eternity to me. Everything was so clean and posh. Royce had really made something here and he should be so proud.

 Nurse Flora took a seat after I took mine in the barber’s chair. Nelson was his name and he was a nice enough guy. He made suggestions of what he wanted to do to my hair and I just nodded to let him do what he wanted. I never really concerned myself with my looks for obvious reasons. I spent eleven years tied up in a dungeon of HIS making usually hairless and covered in bruises and cuts. So if he wanted to taper the back or whatever he could have at it. I just wanted to look like a normal well put together person. Well as normal as I could be seeing I was patient in a mental Institution. Being an inpatient in Royce’s Institute was fine with me, why, because it was way better than being a sex slave for HIS enjoyment and his whore to his friends for a price to do whatever they wanted to me.

 I settled into the chair and I tried my best not to fidget when he brought out a straight razor. The same kind of razor HE used to shave my entire body with. My nervous gaze flicked over to Nurse Flora and she smiled encouragingly at me and I gave her a wobbly one as my grip tightened around the armrest at the first scrape against my jaw.

 I let my mind wander to all kinds of things and of course, it landed on Royce and the way he had looked coming out of the bathroom with water dripping all over his chest and I almost groaned out load. Anyway I looked at it I was being tortured. I wondered what the Hell I must have done in my past life to warrant my suffering in this one. Well at least I was tolerating my shave, so I sat back and let go. Flora kept within my line of vision and I felt myself calming even more and I actually began to enjoy this little bit of pampering.

Chapter 7

Chapter 7

(Cute Brad----->)

 

 

 I leaned against the counter of the Nurses’ Desk and watched as Isaac replenished the stacks of documents the staff needed in their prospective slots built into the desk. It’s been a couple of days since he decided to speak to us on a regular basis. He was still struggling, but it warmed me to the core to see him trying to cope and interact with everyone. It was like watching a magnificent fresh flower open up and bloom under the brilliant golden rays of the sun.

  I jumped at were my musings were leading me, and I shook myself out that line of thinking. Tearing my eyes off of him, I managed to return my attentions back to the patients chart in front of me. I almost snorted to myself; that the gorgeous man had me sprouting poetics now about him. I was so gone over the Isaac it wasn’t even funny.

 A few minutes later Brad came by and stopped to talk to Isaac. And I stood there and watched transfixed as he laughed at something Brad said. Richard wasn’t too far behind his man and he soon appeared at Brad’s elbow, which was when he wrapped his slender arms around his around his big blonde hubby as usual. I didn’t miss the curiosity in Isaac gaze as he studied the couple as they shared an embrace and a brief peck on the lips. Richard fluttered his fingers like the true Diva that he is and continued on his way to the common room. Isaac finished up what he was doing and then he and Brad made their way over towards me.

 “Hey Doc, if you don’t have anything else planned for Isaac this evening I would like to take him to the gym with me.” Brad said as they came to a stop, now standing directly in front of me. I looked over to Isaac who seemed very keen on the idea of going to work out with Brad, so I nodded my agreement and watched his face light up. I had wanted to approach him about the subject of his Stepfather’s friends and their involvement in his abuse, and I also wanted to inform him of his new Attorney. But witnessing the simple joy on his face and how happy he was to be able to work out had me change my mind. There was time enough to deal with all the unpleasant stuff later on.

 They left me at the Nurses’ Station as Isaac went towards his room to get his exercise clothes. I finished my notes and placed the charts back into their proper place. Then I made my way back down to the second floor to my office. I had spoken with Isaac’s new Lawyer, a Mr. Siegel, this morning and I must say that I was very impressed with him and his team. And for the amount of money they were charging me, I expected nothing less than perfection.

 He has had Isaac’s case now for a little over a week and he has already thrown himself right into it, informing me of the piss poor job the Public Defender’s office did on this case. And the State Attorney’s office wasn’t any better on their side either. They both did not recognize who the true victim of this horrendous crime really was; even with the defendant refusing to utter a word in his own defense.

  In speaking in length with Mr. Siegel he had strongly recommended on hiring a Private Investigator to dig into Isaac’s life before and during time Isaac and his Mother spent living with his Stepfather. He also informed me that he needed to have the Investigator to go deep into the Stepfather’s life as well and I thought that was an excellent idea. And now,  just a few days later they already they had a report ready that he had sent to my private email for me to review.

 I took a seat behind my desk and logged onto my computer. I already prepared myself mentally for what I might read in this report already knowing bits and pieces of what Isaac had to endure at the hands of that sadistic man, and for how long the poor man suffered before he snapped. What he went through for all those years and survived it still boggled my mind thinking of how strong he really is. I pulled up my email and quickly scanned through the different messages until I found the one that I was looking for.

 I read through the lengthy and detailed report and my gut churned with acid through most of it. I thought that I had prepared myself for the worst but apparently I hadn’t.  In my mind’s eye I pictured Isaac as a young boy of a single woman growing up as the man of the house. That was until Stanley Hudson entered their lives and a year later married Isaac’s Mother and moving them all the way across the country away from everyone and everything they knew.

 Then soon after they settled into their new home the Mother stared having health issues, I continued to read through information of multiple Doctor and Hospital visits and the shocking decline in her health. I found it suspicious how a seemingly perfectly healthy woman got so severely ill in such a short amount of time. I was going to have Mr. Siegel see if he could get his hands on the woman’s medical records. I really didn’t want to be correct about what I suspected had caused her illnesses to be true. But I think Mr. Hudson had plans for Isaac way before the Mother passed away, and that made the atrocities he committed against the boy and then the man even more sickening.

  I finished reading through the report and I sat back in my chair even more convinced that Stanley Hudson was a sick individual and a pedophile that targeted a young boy and got close to the Mother in order to get close to the boy.  I believe that he may have been involved in the death of Isaac’s Mother; he needed her out of the way to get to her son. I really needed to start talking to Isaac about his time at the hands of his tormentor, more so now than ever.

 This case was turning out to be the most complex one I have ever encountered, and I wondered for a moment if I was the right person to try to help guide Isaac through all of this. I wondered if I was going to able to because I can’t lie about it anymore. I was too emotionally involved.

 With a mighty sigh I sat back and thought long and hard about removing myself as Isaac’s Psychiatrist of record, but then what would I be to him? What justification could I give to be around him to help him? Will he see it as abandonment, if I assign him to one of partners, or will they care enough to see this through to the very end? Those were the questions spinning around in my head when I heard a knock on my door.

 I called out for whoever it was to enter and I looked up to see Nurse Flora standing in the doorway with her hands at her hips as she glared at me. My mind quickly ran through everything I was supposed to do today and I have done them. My eyes flew to the clock and it wasn’t dinnertime. So, I wondered why I was getting that stare from her like I was supposed to be doing something and I am obliviously not doing it.

 “Dr. Covington, may I be frank with you?” She asked as she stepped further into my office and closed the door behind her.

 “Of course Flora, you know very well that you say whatever you want, when you want, whether I want to hear it or not.” I teased and watched her roll her eyes before she took a seat opposite of my desk.

“Do you realize that your feelings for Isaac are so blatantly clear to me that you might as well be screaming it at me?” She said and I could feel my face go instantly red with embarrassment.

 My mouth opened and closed several times but nothing came out. And I took a deep breath through my nose. “Is everyone aware of it?” I quietly asked her feeling my conscience rise up to choke me over my unethical feelings towards my patient.

 “Now don’t go dragging yourself down like that. I am the only one that can see it because I have known you far longer than anyone else here. I was with you in the practice even before Dr. Reese retired and you asked me to take the position here when you open the doors. The reason I am telling you this is because I am tired of watching the two of skirt around each other like wary boxers or something. That boy has the hots for you but clearly he doesn’t know what the hell is going on with own feelings and most likely his body. I am telling you to be careful but also I think that you two are the best thing to happen to one another; and if you mess with my boy and spook him I am going to kick your ass.” She said and then she got to her feet and started to make her way to the door.

 I sat there opened mouth gaping at her like she told me that the world ended last night and I was in heaven now. A part of me was elated of her assessment that Isaac may return my feelings for him, but the other part of me almost panicked because now that I was aware of that possibility it was going to be even harder for me to resist the man. I would never want to make the wrong move and have him fear me.

 “Oh and by the way, stop fretting so hard. You are a professional and you are smarter than a whip. It’s not unethical to love someone and you better than anyone is more equipped to guide him through this because you care. Dinner is in half an hour, please go and pull Brad and Isaac out of the gym.” She said then disappeared through the door and closed it quietly behind her. I just closed my mouth and swung back to face my computer to shut it down.

 I got up and stretched letting go of everything for the moment thinking about maybe it was time for me to go back to my house, but I immediately felt despondent about going back home to an empty house. I fixed my shirt that had ridden up over my abdomen and decided to go and drag the boys from the gym like Flora demanded.

 I trudged down the hall and swiped my keycard to call the elevator; and once the doors swooshed open I got on and pressed the button for the lobby. It didn’t take long before the doors opened again and I made my way to the gym. I walked through hall and turned the corner only to come to an abrupt stop.

Richard was standing at the glass doors leading into the gym practically pasted up against the glass with both hands splayed against it as he stared into the room.

 Curious I walked up to him and looked at him and he actually had his nose pressed up against the glass. “Um…what are you doing?” I asked him.

 “Doc, turn your head and get a gander of the view, baby trust and believe me when I say this is the best thing I have laid my eyes on in a very long time.” He whispered in his own unique dramatic fashion against the glass, his warm breath fogging up the space in front of his mouth.

 I chuckled at his antics, but I turned my head anyway to look at what he was panting over and my mirth died in my throat. “Oh my,” escaped my lips before I had the where with all to curb my response to sight in front of me. Richard just grunted his agreement as I watched both of the beautiful shirtless men that room, but my attention zeroed in and registered on Isaac’s sweaty muscle toned chest and huge well defined arms.

 I watched mesmerized as those delicious muscles flexed as he curled the weights one chiseled arm at a time. He was poetry in motion, I thought as I watched the sweat drip down his chest in rivulets.
Sweet Baby Jesus,
I think my brain just died, but my cock surged to life nonetheless and throbbed painfully behind my zipper.

 “Doc, I don’t know about you but I am going to get my man. We will not be at dinner tonight. Please tell Flora before she comes to our room and gets the shock of her life.” He said then he promptly busted through the door and I heard him telling Brad that work out time was over. I watched Brad put the weights down and turned to face his husband and since Richard back was facing me, I didn’t know what expression he had on his face. But whatever it was Brad quickly patted Isaac on his shoulder and grabbed his stuff. He then grabbed Richard’s hand and literally dragged him out of the gym and right past me, barely managing to nod his head in my direction before they disappeared down the hall.

 Shaking my head as I walked into the gym I watched Isaac put the free weights back on their stand with a very pensive look on face. “What you thinking about so hard?” I asked him as I sat down on the seat of the weight bench. He gave me a lopsided grin that caused my pulse rate to spike a little bit. And to my utter disappointment he shrugged back into his shirt effectively covering up his luscious body from my gaze.

 He took a set on the opposite bench and leaned forward on his elbows. “Hey Royce, can I ask you something?” He said in all seriousness, his stunning blue eyes turned to me and they were smoldering with intensity.

 “You can ask me anything you want at anytime all, Isaac, you know that.” I quietly encouraged him to go on and speak his mind.

 He fidgeted for a little and he twisted his fingers as he stared off to somewhere over my head before he took a deep breath and asked. “Do you think it’s wrong for men to be together in a romantic way? Is it normal you know like what Brad and Richard have that kind of relationship?” His eyes snapped back to me as he waited for my answer.

 I thought for a minute of how best to answer his question. I wondered if it was because of his sexual abuse that brought this on. “That’s a tough question for me to answer.” I finally stated. I was hoping he would reveal the reasoning behind his inquiry.

 “Why is a hard question to answer? I mean what is your opinion on it, a man and man together. I mean, when those men did what….anyway I know what THEY did was wrong, but before I even met them I was always under the impression it was always a woman and a man that got married and have kids and such. I never saw man and man together in that sense before Richard and Brad.” He explained and I think I got where he was coming from. He knew what happened to him was not the normal and seeing a loving relationship between men when his only interaction had ended in violation and degradation of his body and mind at the hands if men.

Having those eyes on me was like having a set of pin point lasers focused on my face. It was a little unnerving but I owed him my honest answer. “The reason I say it is a hard question for me to answer is because I am what you call a homosexual man. The term used is gay man or gay woman. Homosexuality is something you are born with and therefore I see nothing wrong with a man loving another man.” I said and watched his eyes go wide as he continued to stare at me.

 “Homosexuality is a very delicate subject I am sorry to say. Gay men and gay women, who are called Lesbians by the way, we have a hard time sometimes with society I in a whole because who we love can be viewed by them as being wrong and abnormal. Some of them even think it’s a sin against God.  They quote passages from the Bible and they even physically attack gay people just for loving someone of the same sex.

 They are ignorant and intolerant human beings, and they believe being gay it is a choice or it’s some kind infection that we can spread to other people. I don’t have to preach to you that we live in a sick world Isaac, because you have experienced it for yourself. All I am saying is that with me being gay I see nothing wrong and they are plenty of people gay and straight that see nothing wrong with either, but always there are some that do.” I finished with a sigh and hoped he understood what I was saying.

  When he didn’t say anything right away, I continued by saying. “You said when you were little you didn’t see any men with men or even women with women, but you were a child and you were not looking for them but that doesn’t mean that gay couples were not around. And it is sad because even to this day a lot of homosexual couples hide their relationships in fear of society’s views and actions against them. Like I said it is a very complicated issue and  only man, as in the species, can take something as simple as human emotion and make it seem like rocket science.”

 Isaac nodded his head at me in understanding. “Royce, I…”

 I looked at him and gave him my most open expression so I could to calm him a little, he looked so nervous trying to say what he wanted to say.

 “Never mind, I um…have some things to think about before I can talk it out with you. Is that okay?” He asked with uncertainty clouding his gorgeous eyes.

 “That is more than fine with me, Isaac. You think it over and put your thoughts together and you can take all the time you need, that is what I am here for. I want to help you find that place in your mind where you can come to terms with yourself and what has happened to you. Now come let’s go upstairs and you can get clean up for dinner before Flora storms the place.” I said and his responding chuckle to my statement sent little shivers down my spine.

 I led him out of the gym and my mind was whirling away at a mile a minute. I wondered where Isaac’s head was. Where was he going with this?  And I wondered if he was going have negative feelings about me, now that I have admitted that I am into men. I couldn’t answer any of those questions at the moment, so I will just have to wait and see what happens.

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

(Isaac’s room----->)

 WARNING, this is an intense chapter some grapic and hard topics to deal with. You have been warned it is necessary for the story.*

 

 I spun around in the confines of my room feeling like my skin was too tight for my body. I was effectively wearing out path in the carpet between the bed and the window.  My head was spinning with the fact that Royce had outright admitted that he liked men still had my mind spinning. It was sweet relief to know that he was like Richard and Brad, and that he was a homosexual or rather I should say, a gay man. Now, I was left wondering if that made me a homosexual too, because I couldn’t lie to myself or try to deny the fact the simple fact that  I am attracted to Royce. I now knew what all the tingles and the way he made my privates reacted to just the mere thought of him was about. But what the Hell could I do about it? I had no clue how to tell him and God, it made me even more anxious and jittery now knowing for sure that Royce preferred men, so that was one obstacle out of the way.

 I spun on my heel and made the repeated steps back towards the bed for God knows how many times since lights out tonight. All of a sudden the wind died out of my sails and I plopped down heavily onto the mattress. I shouldn’t even be entertaining these thoughts. I still had so much to tell him and talk to him about. Once he was finished hearing my story I was sure that he won’t even want to touch me afterwards. I was used goods, violated in ways that no one should ever be. And I found that once again, I had no business liking anyone much or less contemplating letting someone touch me again. Would I be able to handle it?

 Royce was right, I needed to get this stuff off my chest and I needed to just unload and see where I can go from here. I didn’t want to leave the Institute and I wondered what the Judge would do seeing that I am not crazy? Completely frustrated, I grabbed hold of my head with both hands, fisting them mercilessly in my hair, and I groaned out loud. My head hurt with this entire situation and trying to figure this stuff out, and all I wanted was just some peace. For once, to just to have a minute where I didn’t have to be on high alert all the time, either for fear of my life or  the uncertainties boiling through my mind and my guts making me a mess and quietly driving me nuts.

 My heart was pounded away in my chest and my vision swirled a little bit in and out of focus, and I quickly turned around and lied down on the bed and concentrated on breathing. I didn’t want people rushing in here because I was feeling overwhelmed. After a few minutes I managed to calm my heart rate and I returned to a sitting position and checked the time on the clock on the wall, it was only 11:30 at night and I wondered if Royce was still awake. He had informed me earlier that he was going to be here until the weekend.  He felt that I was settled in enough for him to go back home. And I was extremely disappointed at that little bit of news.

 With shaking hands I reached for phone and I dialed zero for the Nurses Desk and it was just my luck that Richard answered the line. In a shaky voice I asked him for Royce, and he said he was going to call him straight away.  It touched me that he had wanted to come to my room right away to stay with me until Royce came. But I told him he didn’t have to then I disconnected the call. I just stayed where I was sitting on the side of the bed staring out into the night through the windows while I gathered all the strength I could muster, for in order for me to reach my coveted peace; I had to tell him everything.

 After a few moments passed by, I heard the lock on the door disengage and someone entered the room. I didn’t bother to turn my head into his direction, but I knew it was him by his scent alone, a fresh clean scent like sunshine and citrus combined. It was mouthwatering to me. Richard was right behind him since the hall light had cast their shadows across the carpet.

 “Hey Isaac, is everything alright?” He asked quietly and I turned my head to look at him. He was so beautiful it almost hurt to look at him.

 He turned Richard and quietly said something to him and Richard nodded and gave me a little wave before sauntering back up the hallway. Royce turned to close the door and my eyes devoured his slender frame. It looked like he came straight from his bed to answer my call of distress. He was dressed in a pair of dark blue sweat pants and a white tee shirt. His hair was a disheveled mess of glossy brown curls. He turned around and pushed his glasses further up in his nose, a habit for him. It was a cute one, because whenever he did it he blinked those bright blue eyes repeatedly like a little bird.

 He made his way to my side and felt my heart rate spike again at his proximity to me when he sat within touching distance on the bed. He just sat there and waited patiently for me to speak, I liked that about him. He never pushed, he just waited until I was ready. So, I took a deep breath and began my sordid tale.

 I could feel the tears of shame burning my throat and the back of eyes. I told him about my childhood wish for my Mom to be happy. I told him about wishing to be like the other kids in the neighborhood, of wanting both a Mother and Father. A man I could look up to, who would play baseball and football with me, to make me feel special. I explained my sense of euphoria when my Mother brought HIM home and introduced us. HE was so nice, and HE  had even brought me collectors’ baseball cards and he called me “Champ.”

 I had to draw a few steadying breaths in order to go on. I could picture myself as that naïve innocent little kid looking up to HIM like he was some kind of hero or something. Little did I know that he was a monster underneath all of that beguiling charm?

 Royce got up at that point and poured some water from the plastic pitcher they kept full of ice at night in our rooms. He handed me the cup and I took a sip as he rubbed a warm hand over my back and I could feel the chill of my memories melt away from me a little bit.

 I kept the cup in my hands to give them something to do. I continued sharing the memory of when HE had packed us up and took us from California to Georgia, all in the name of a better job opportunity. What little family I had, some distant cousins on my real Father’s side was left behind. Everything was new and at first I hated it but I would never say anything because I had my perfect family.

 Then my Mom took to being sick, first it was just that she was tired all the time. He kept fluttering over her, hand feeding her food and generally caring for her. HE took her to the Doctors and to the Hospital, but she didn’t get any better. HE took to sleeping with me at night saying  didn’t want me to worry and that she was going to be okay, but she wasn’t, she had finally died after wasting away to almost nothing. I had cried and cried. Once again, my perfect family was gone. My dream of a perfect home shattered to pieces for I would never have my Mother again to hold me and love me.

 Getting up I set the glass on the nightstand and I walked over to the window to stare out onto the lit lawns of the Institute. I spoke to the glass panes in front of me because I was scared to look into his eyes to see if they held any kind of pity there. I started to explain to him about when the situation starting going south for me with HIM.

 My Mother’s body was barely in the ground before HE was saying it was just me and HIM now. That was when HE started scaring me calling me “
his
,” telling me that I was going to be HIS, “
good boy.”
Then one day when I got up to go to school he said that I wasn’t going to go to school anymore because I didn’t need to. HE told me instead that we were going to go downstairs and play video games.

 I had to stop my tale right there and I leaned over my hands on my knees as I gasped for breath like I had just run a marathon or something. The God awful visions of that horrible day squeezed every organ in my body like a vice. I wasn’t standing in my posh little room with a gorgeous man in front of me. I was in that basement again; I was that confused little boy whose world imploded that day in the basement. It started out with us playing video games, then more games but this time He had me sitting on HIS lap….by the time I began to feel uncomfortable and tried to pull away was about the same time HE dropped the act and I had come to know what real terror and pain was all about.

 Tears poured out of my wheezing chest as I recounted the atrocities that happened to me in that basement. When It was all said and done HE had left me on the cold concrete floor, my hands bound with an electrical cord, my anus ripped and bleeding, my lips torn and shredded and every part of me was covered in bruises, blood and his semen leaked out of almost every orifice that I had. That was my introduction to my new existence. I couldn’t even call it a life.

 I was lost completely to the memories; I recalled everything, every slap, every bite, every time he forced himself into me or used whatever he could find to plunge into my ass or my mouth. How I had to beg for IT in order just to have a sip of water after days of being starved. I remembered HIS smell and how if HE smelt of just beer, the fucking wouldn’t be so bad, but HE smelt like hard liquor, I knew I was going to literally be tortured for hours on end.

 I remembered the exact day I stopped talking all together; it was about a year after all of it began. I kept asking why, why would HE do this to me. I screamed it over and over again even when he was brutally using me; I wanted to know why he felt that I deserved HIS abuse. And then one day HE blatantly told me it because I wanted it. That I had practically begged for it by always enticing him and asking him if he was my new “
Daddy
,” and the child that I was believed it and I went into a state of shock.

 Was it my fault, did I really ask for this and at that time I believed it, I never asked another question or said another word again. I couldn’t even find in me to beg for food or drink and when I refused to ask HIM for it or tell him how good IT was, HE got even more violent and more creative in his methods of torture.

 Then I noticed that HE would start coming downstairs more frequently. HE used to leave to go to work. But now to my utmost disappointment, HE started hanging around the house all day looking more and more disheveled and unwashed as the days progressed. And that was when the friends started showing up.  I was getting older by this and he took to shaving me completely hairless, then one day he was too unsteady to shave me and his friend offered. Well he had wound up bending me almost in half and he pounded his penis relentlessly into my body while the other friend tried to choke me with his member. HE had just sat there and laughed as he had jacked himself off on the couch all the while letting his friends violated me for hours on end. Then after that first time it became a regular occurrence in exchange for his drugs and money.

 They started having parties where HIS dope head friends would come to the filthy little basement room, men and women and I went to the highest bidder. I was beaten to within an inch of my life then fucked and beaten some more, the women pulled on my balls and on my cock, they would  bite me and scratch me, especially when I couldn’t get hard for them. HE would come and make me swallow pills to get it up then he would  roll on a condom on my abused genitals and they would ride me like a horse. I would just lay there until they were done then I was beaten again by their boyfriends because I offended their chick because I didn’t come. I wouldn’t have an idea of what that was because I have never had.  I told him the only thing I could have thanked HIM for was for the fact that HE made them all use protection because only HE was allowed to do me bare.

 I managed to draw myself back from the precipice of my memories and I turned my head to see Royce leaning forward, his glasses dangling from one hand and his head was between his knees as he rocked back and forth. He was crying and my heart skidded to a halt in my chest before it began a rapid fire pounding. It was beating so hard I wondered if he could hear it.

 I quietly made my way over to him and I felt him tense up for a minute and draw in a wet ragged breath in attempts to calm himself. I just put my hand on his back and I immediately felt the tingles shoot up my arm at the brief contact with him.

 “Don’t cry for me Royce, it won’t change what happened and I know this because I cried and cried and they still did whatever they wanted.” I said as I continued to rub his back and I felt the hiccupping shudder that rocked through his body and I reached over for the cup of water and handed it to him.

 He took a sip and turned his wet eyes to me and I felt my heart melt at the sight. I didn’t see pity there or condemnation. I saw awe and respect and I had to look away. I was at a complete loss of how to deal with it after being so sure that he would see me as used garbage.

 “I am supposed to be the one comforting you, not the other way around.” He quietly stated as he put his glasses back onto his face.

 I just smirked and shook my head. I waited a minute and tried my best to remember that night, the night that they say I had managed to somehow get free and I murdered HIM. But for the life of me I couldn’t remember doing it. I had racked my brain to the point of beating my head against the wall when I was jail trying to recall what had happened and I couldn’t. I turned to Royce after a minute and I slowly explained to him that I had no recollection of that night.

 The only thing I could remember was the pain. I had woken up in the hospital shackled to the hospital bed and everything on me hurt. My head was pounding and my mouth was dry. The lady Doctor had come in and explained to me who she was and why I was there. When she said that HE was dead, I felt a relief so great my whole body shuddered and I had sobbed so hard for so long that she had to give me medicine to calm down.

 The next few days after that they kept me calm with drugs while multiple Doctors had come to examine me. I recalled getting examined from head to toe, they sent me for x-rays, and CT Scans, and into another machine they called an MRI. They asked me questions after questions but I had refused to open my mouth. I was finally free of HIM, even if I couldn’t remember it and it was like the weight of the world had come off my shoulders.

 Then the Police came and they read me my rights. They told me once I was cleared by the Medical team that I was going to be taken into custody and brought to the jail to await my trail. I didn’t care; I didn’t even bat an eye because anyplace was better than being with HIM.

 Once they had brought me to the jail, I remember them trying to get me out of the green Hospital scrubs and into the orange jump suit, they tried to bodily search me and I had panicked.  It took at least three of them to restrain me and hog tie me. They had thrown me into a holding cell tied up like a prized calf and I struggled to the point I had dislocated both my shoulders and bruised my knees and hips on the concrete floor.

 Some of the Officers escorted a Doctor into the room and he promptly stuck me with a syringe of drugs and I remember my world going dark. I didn’t feel it when reset my dislocated shoulders or dressed my bruises and scrapes, nor when they had redressed me in the jumpsuit and hauled me off to a solitary cell.

 When I next opened my eyes it was to the most beautiful person I have ever laid eyes on. Royce had sat outside my cell and he was patiently waiting for me, like always to wake up. He had introduced himself to me as Dr. Covington and went on to tell me what kind of Doctor he was and what he purpose to me was. He had talked to me and told me to cooperate and do what they told me to do. He had informed me of what the next stages of my incarceration and hearings would entail.

 I had spent a year in lock up; they had kept me under suicide watch in a solitary cell for which I was grateful for. Because I knew if they had put me with the general criminal element I would have gone bat shit crazy. And now here I was, after everything that has happened to me. Eleven years worth of sexual abuse and mental torture was now out in the open and instead of this man whom I have come to have strong feelings for wasn’t looking at me like a dirty piece of nothing. He was looking at me like I was some kind of hero.

 I watched as he slid off the bed and stood in front of me. I was mesmerized as he wrapped his soft hands around my wrists and pulled me to my feet. He slowly stepped into my personal space, his eyes intent on my reactions. I stood there trembling like a leaf in the wind as he enveloped me in his slender arms.

 We were chest to chest, his head rested on my shoulder and his body heat enveloped me and chased away the last chill of remembered agony and pain. And that is when it happened, that was when my heart ceased to beat to sustain my life. It now pumped away in my chest for this gorgeous man in my arms, and I had no choice but to pull him closer and greedily take from him the comfort he so sweetly offered. I felt like I was on top of the world, like I finally meant something to someone. And the tears of utter joy rolled down my face as we stood there in the shadowed room in the early morning hours of a new day.

Chapter 9

Chapter 9

(Isaac’s Shower---->)

WARNING…a little self loving going on..you have been warned.

 

 Hanging up the phone I sat back with a troubled sigh. I had handed over the audio feed from the night Isaac had called me into his room where he had finally opened up and shared the gruesome memories of his time spent captivity with his psychotic Stepfather. My heart still ached for the little boy that had to turn into a man while enduring all of what he had. My respect and admiration for his strength and his will to survive under those circumstances knew no bounds. But unfortunately, Isaac was by right deeply affected by those same circumstances, although not as severely as he should have been. That was the testimony to his strength. They didn’t break him.

 Some people differed with my assessments, and yes, even some of my very own Colleagues in my own practice were amongst those that disagreed with me. They claimed that because Isaac had suffered a major Dissociative Episode and ultimately murdered his Stepfather was in itself a severe psychological break. But I didn’t see that way and would never diagnose it that way either.

 People tend to forget that as Homosapiens we are relative to our baser instincts. We are animals as well, and sometimes we digress into those lesser instincts to do what is necessary to survive. We as a species were on top of the food chain because of our highly evolved ability to reason and think. But underneath it all where our natural born instincts and preservation of self  lies the is our beast, that animal buried deep within our psyche that will come out and  take over to protect ourselves by any means necessary and that is what Isaac did.

 He protected himself after years of abuse. The fact that he can’t remember any of it is what concerned me the most. He had snapped and did what he had to do and once the stress and fear wore off he came back to himself. He didn’t dwell within the recesses of his mind.

 My trouble with it was that there had to be catalyst. Something had to have happened in that rank basement, something other than what was considered the routine actions of abuse that Isaac had grown accustomed to. An event that scared him so much that he feared for his very life and acted out by defending himself by any means necessary, and the fact that he was free to do after years of being bound was another piece to the puzzle. There had to be a trigger and currently whatever it was, it’s buried deep in Isaac’s mind. He has totally suppressed the traumatic event.

 I closed the transcript file on my computer of the recordings of Isaac retelling of his story. I felt bad that I didn’t tell him I was recording our conversation, but when he had begun to tell his tale I had gotten up and discreetly pressed the button behind his desk to activate the recording device that is wired into all the patients room just for that purpose. The legal clause of video and sound surveillance was very clear and actually pointed out in the admission procedures and paperwork. But I still should have told him what I was doing. And now I think the time is right to tell him about it and about his new Lawyer and what I was hoping to accomplish.

 I wasn’t going to share the Investigators findings just as yet, not until we have all the facts in place. So far it was gearing up to be that Isaac’s Stepfather had really targeted him to begin with, and marrying his Mother was only a means for the man to get closer to him. I also have come to the conclusion that his Stepfather did indeed murder the poor woman and abused Isaac with his sick perversions and twisted ideas of Sadism. The man was truly a monster.

 I turned off the computer and checked to make sure that everything was in its place before grabbing my things and locking my office door. This was going to be my third attempt in trying to go home to my own house after my chat with Isaac. It’s about time I did so. I didn’t feel like going home but what was I to do. I was literally coddling Isaac and torturing myself in the process, making myself dependant on the every sight of him every day. I was wondering if I was becoming obsessed with the man.

 Stepping off the elevator onto the third floor, I made my way down the hall to the Nurses’ Desk and stashed my overnight bag under the desk before continuing on down the hall to Isaac’s room. I waved at one of my other patient’s as an Orderly escorted her from the common room towards the elevator. I was about to step into Isaac’s room when I heard Isaac asking someone a question that had my jaw drop in absolute surprise. Then I heard Brad’s deep voice answer the question and I quickly turned and made my way back up the hall. No way was I going to be able to face Isaac right this minute after what I just heard.

 I nearly knocked Flora over when I scrambled around the corner of the desk to grab my bag. She had raised her eyebrows at me and I just mumbled that I was going home and that if was a must that they needed me no matter what I am to be called. Otherwise have the on call Doctor handle any other routine situations. And with my mind spinning and my heart pounding, I practically ran out of there and away from the confusing man that was Isaac Carmichael.

---

 
 Disappointment was not the word you could have used to describe what I was feeling when Flora had bustled in with my dinner and told me that Royce had gone home for the evening. He hadn’t even stopped by to say goodbye and I felt a little hurt by that.

 The man has gone out of his way to make me feel safe and confident enough to open up and finally get my feelings out there and off of my chest. He has been nothing but kind and patient, but he couldn’t find it in him to tell me he was going home. I understood that he had to go home. I have monopolized way too much of time already with my neediness, and as much as I hate that he is not here, I wouldn’t have tried to hold him back from his own home. Maybe he had a date or his someone special was demanding his return, I thought dejectedly.

 I tried to shake off those thoughts as I slowly made my through my dinner and drank my iced tea. Instead I thought about what Brad and I had talked about. Ever since that fateful night I told Royce about my life with HIM and that hug we shared afterwards. Oh my God, the feeling of him in my arms and the feeling of his slender body pressed against mine was beyond anything I have ever experienced.

 With all of my conflicted feelings spurring me on I had worked up the nerve to approach Brad and I asked him for minute of his time. It was embarrassing to bring it up at first but he was such an easy going person, that when he figured out the topic I was fumbling over he quickly put my mind at ease by telling me that it was okay to have questions and it was normal what I was feeling. He tagged the term as desire that stems from being attracted to a person.

 I finished my dinner and placed the empty dishes back onto the tray for them to pick up. My mind wandered back to the way Royce’s body had fit so perfectly against mine for those few heavenly sends that he was in my arms. The feel of his hair as it brushed my chin, and his own unique citrus and sunshine scent his skin carried. I could so remember the look of total reverence on his face when he had pulled back and looked me directly in the face and I felt that tingling feeling shimmer through my body once again.

 My pants tightened against me as my privates filled out and I recalled what Brad said. I was hard; my body was telling me that it wanted Royce, letting me know that it wanted him in a sexual manner. I had explained to Brad that I never took any pleasure what so ever in what those men had done to me, and that I never knew what it felt like to have sexual release that they were so fond of. That completion that caused them to release their fluids into the condoms or all over me when they were done using me; I also had shared with him the fact that I don’t think that I would ever be comfortable again letting someone penetrate my body, the paralyzing fear still gripped me when just thinking about it.

 He had advised me that my reactions were perfectly normal and that he understood. He went on to say that I needed to know my body and my needs before I would feel comfortable letting anyone else that close to me again. He further explained that in my situation I was denied the experience of getting to know myself and what felt good to me. The basic knowledge and opportunity of knowing my body and my pleasure points; it was something else that HE had stolen from me, a boy’s natural normal urge to learn and feel comfortable in his own skin. The right to jack off or the correct term was to masturbate. He said that I should try it and get to know what it felt like and that it was normal and not something degrading or dirty.

 Brad had counseled me that I should take some private time and take my feelings for Royce and use those images in my head to help me to do it. And the more I thought about it was the more tempted I was to do it. He had explained the mechanics about how to do about doing the deed to me and I found my curiosity taking a hold of me.

 An Orderly knocked on the door and promptly dragged me out of my thoughts. A second later he came in and he smiled and removed my tray wishing me a goodnight before he closed the door. It was now or never, no one else was going to be coming into my room unless and I called, and it was an hour away from lights out.

 I got up and made my way over to the dresser. I opened the top drawer and picked out a clean pair of underwear and pajamas. I grabbed a fresh towel and I made my way to the bathroom. Laying the clean clothes on the counter top I turned and hung the towel on the hook by the shower stall and proceeded to get undressed. Once I was naked I turned to face the mirror over the faucet and I studied my body.

 My eyes traveled from my face to my torso. I had used weight lifting and exercise to keep me occupied in jail and the demons of my memories at bay. I had channeled all that negativity into sculpting my body into what it was, and I must say that I looked strong and fit. I didn’t look like someone’s emaciated victim anymore and I was proud of that and I was going to continue my workout routine.  I blocked out the multitude of scars and healed over broken bones and what they represented. I finally let my eyes drop to my penis.

 I studied the half erect organ that protruded from a thatch of thick curly black hair. My fingers twitched at my side and I brought my hand around and I ran a fingertip over the length of my shaft and it felt nice, and it twitched in appreciation of being caressed and not painfully yanked on for once. I opened my hand just to wrap my fingers around the shaft and I gave it a gently pull from the root to the tip and I watched amazed as the bulbous head turned red and the shaft swell with delicious heat as my blood pumped into it and filled it out and a tiny gasp escaped my lips. It felt amazing. I let go of myself after another delicious pull and I turned to the shower stall and turned on the water. Brad had said that it was the best place to make myself come. He cautioned that it was better to use lubricant or soap or even spit to prevent irritation of the sensitive skin down there.

 Once the water was running and heated up, I climbed under the spray and let the hot water cascade over my body. I plunged my head under the deluge of water effectively wetting my hair and I reached for the body wash.  Royce had gotten me some in with a really clean smelling scent that I found very pleasing. I flashed my wet hair out of my eyes with a toss of my head and I washed my entire body from head to toe. I turned my back to the water and with my soapy hand I grabbed my semi soft penis and curled my fingers into fist caressed it from root to tip.

 I watched as it got hard, the veins stood out and it was almost an angry reddish purple. I continued to work my hand up and down and I felt like fire was sprouting all over my body. My heart beat faster and my breathing got choppier. It felt so damn good. My ass clenched and my toes curled as I continued to stroke myself. I closed my eyes and imagined that it was Royce’s soft hands pumping my rock hard length.

 That it was his touch exploring the prominent veins and sliding my slippery skin up and down over velvet encased steel rod of my most private place. I tilted my head back and groaned at the image as I brought my other hand forward to palm my two quivering balls in my hand. I closed my fingers over them and rolled them as I continued to stroke up and down my shaft, as the tip was dripping pre-ejaculate like a faucet imaging that my hands were Royce’s delicate ones. That he was kneeling in front of me with my cock in his beautiful face as he jerked me off.

 He would squeeze me a little tighter and roll his wrist on the upstroke causing my balls to draw up even tighter to my body and he played with the sack between my legs. I panted and I felt like electricity was shooting all over the surface of my skin and my blood heated in my veins and it rushed through my body like molten lava. All that energy pooled into my throbbing dick as it got hotter and hotter.

 My eyes snapped open and I released a groan from the bottom of my gut as my cock pulsed and vibrated in my grip. My body began to tremble and my breath left me as I felt like I was climbing to some unknown point in the heavens, all the while every inch of my body felt like it was burning. Then I hit a point where everything came to a heart pumping, body jerking, and teeth clenching halt, and then it happened.

 It felt like every molecule in my body was hurled into space. I couldn’t remember how to breathe as my cock jumped in my hand and I felt like it exploded. Line after line of thick white fluid shot from the swollen purple head like it was a volcano. God in Heaven, but I had no recourse but to open my mouth and moan out loud.  Everything in me seemed to be erupting out of my cock, every muscle in my body twitched and then collapsed. I pitched forward and had to catch myself with my hands to prevent to from smashing my face against the tile.

 My chest heaved as I tried to catch my breath as my cock still pulsed between my legs. I watched as the thick evidence of my very first orgasm was washed down the drain by the running water. My body relaxed bit by bit and I felt the warm sated afterglow flush through every fiber of my being making me feel exhausted but complete.

 Gaining some control back over my quivering muscles. I stood on weakened knees and turned off the water. I stepped out and snagged the towel off the hook and mopped the excess water off my skin. I barely managed to shimmy into my boxer shorts and I didn’t even bother with the pajamas. I just carried them back out to the bedroom with me and dumped them on the end of the bed.

 I pulled the covers back and climbed in between them and assimilated myself into a comfortable position. God, I never knew something could feel that good. It was something that I was going to find myself doing a lot of, but how was I going to face Royce knowing that he is the star of my little one man show. I am sure that my face was going to give me away.

  A smile spread across my face and I felt accomplished. I had managed to gain a new sexual experience without the taint of what they did to me affecting my reactions. I had managed to gain pleasure and sexual gratification from something that I have always connected to violation and pain. Most of all I felt normal. I felt like a healthy normal red blooded man. I no longer felt like a piece of meat used for someone else’s gratification. And again that feeling of freedom descended on me and I was glad HE was gone. No longer could HE hurt me and with what I managed to do tonight, the simple act of bringing myself to orgasm was a big step for me and although it was going to be embarrassing as Hell to face Royce, I couldn’t wait to tell him.

 I sighed into the darkness of my room, my body thrummed with a feeling of warm lethargy and little by little exhaustion took over. And my last thought as my eyes drooped one last time and closed completely was of what I managed to accomplish tonight, and if Royce would be coming back tomorrow.

Chapter 10

Chapter 10

 (Royce’s office at the Institute----->)

 

 “It’s your body’s way telling you that desire Royce, that you want him. It stems from your attraction to him and it’s completely normal.”
  I rolled over in the tangled sheets on my rumpled bed as Brad’s words yet again made another circuit through my mind, as I tried to get comfortable enough to maybe get some sleep. I turned my head and stared bleary eyed at the clock on my nightstand.  Frustrated, I released a deep sigh and slapped my hand around on the surface of the bedside table trying to locate my glasses. I found them and put them on and refocused on the clock.  It was almost 6 a.m. and I hadn’t gotten one wink of sleep all night.

 Totally disgusted with myself, I sat up and threw the covers off of my legs; there was no way I was going to get any rest. I scrubbed a hand over my chin feeling the soft stubble there and thought about how much I am already captivated by Isaac. It was pure torture to have such strong feelings for the man and knowing that he may return the intense emotions for me made my heart hurt. He was forbidden fruit, and it made me want him all the more.

 I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, if I got closer to him and developed a romantic relationship, the repercussions could hurt him and his court case severely if it was to become public knowledge. And as his Psychiatrist, it was completely unethical.

 I got up with a grunt and made my way to the bathroom. I set myself up for a quick shave and then I hopped into the shower. I performed my morning routine as quickly as possible, giving my semi hard cock and balls a brief wash. There was no need to add any more fuel the fire. I was in already in a state of constant arousal as it is.

 My disobedient member twitched as I recalled Brad muttering those words about what must have been Isaac describing how he felt about me, and I had to get out of there before I did something stupid like throw myself into the man’s arms like some Hollywood starlet on the silver screen.

 I had so wanted to wrap myself around him and beg him to take me; I wanted to show him that the intimate contact between two people that cared about one another was like a slice of heaven on earth. My entire body quivered and my ass clenched in delight at the thought of exploring every delicious inch of that big muscular body. Isaac was like a walking talking 8x10 glossy of what a perfect man should look like, and then when you added his innocent and sweet personality to the mix…ugh, he is sheer perfection. His carelessly tousled black waves, those thick eyebrows over those stunning blue eyes, and those sensuous full pink lips that just begged for me to nibble on them, God I groaned and stomped out of the bathroom palming my raging hard on.

Dropping my damp towel on the back of the chair in my room, I sauntered into the closet to pick my suit for the day. I had two appointments this morning then I had the afternoon free and I was going to have to man up, because I had serious things to discuss with Isaac. First and foremost, I had to tell him about his new Attorney and what was going on so far. I was going to have to gauge his receptiveness and inform him of our taped conversation. I was silently praying that he wouldn’t feel that I betrayed his confidence, but I was fighting for his freedom.

 Isaac had not only worked out and shaped up his body in jail. He had also studied and passed the test to get his High School Equivalency Diploma. He has got the potential for so much more, and I wanted him to have that without the cloud of being a murderer forever hanging over his head. I wanted him completely free of the influence of the man that was supposed to care for him and nurture and guide him into adulthood.

 Laying the dark gray suit and white button up shirt on the bed, I went to the armoire standing in the corner to get my underwear, socks, and one of my neck ties. I finished up by adding a little gel to my curls and combing my hair. I placed my glasses back onto my face and stepped into my wing tip shoes and grabbed my jacket off the bed.

 When I got to the foyer, I slipped my wallet and my cell phone into my pocket. And since it was still early, I might as well treat myself to breakfast before making my way to my office. I was not on call, so any hospital patients would be seen by whichever partner in the group who was on duty.

  An hour later I walked into my office suite I unlocked the front office door and relocked it behind me since it was another hour and half before the office would open for the day and my administrative staff would arrive. I made it to my personal office and I turned on the lights and sat behind my desk. I picked up the missed called memos that was placed neatly in the middle of my blotter and went through them. It was just routine stuff and I would answer most of them throughout the day.

 I logged onto the computer and I checked my emails, and there was another correspondence from Isaac’s Lawyer and I immediately opened the message and read through it. It seems that the Investigator had managed to look into the lives of the two men also involved with Isaac’s case. He had retrieved their names and their information from the court case. And low and behold, one of the assholes was related to Isaac’s Stepfather, a cousin to be exact. The sick bastards, I immediately shot off a message asking Mr. Siegel to seek any information about finding evidence to link them to the abuse and about the possibility of having them questioned and charged accordingly.

 I sent off the message and went about answering other emails, it wasn’t until I caught a whiff of freshly brewed coffee that I managed to look up from my computer screen and take note of the time. Marcie, my secretary was standing in the open doorway with my coffee mug in her hand. I greeted her and thanked her for the much needed java when she walked over and handed the steaming mug to me. She quickly rattled off my agenda for the day and I thanked her again before she left my office to return to hers.

 They day flew by on light speed; it wasn’t until noon before I came up for breath and my last patient for the day had rescheduled for another time basically leaving my afternoon free earlier than I thought. I checked my email to see if I had a reply from the Mr. Siegel and I did, he sent me a brief note to let me know that my request was already in the works. And I thought that his Investigator was beginning to worth his own weight in gold.

 It was time that I go and talk to Isaac. He deserved to know what was going on in his own defense and I needed to put my personal feelings aside in order to do right by him as my patient. I quickly rechecked to make sure everything that I needed to do today was taken care of and I logged out of the computer and reached for my keys. I checked to make sure that I had my wallet. I wanted to pick up some more treats for Isaac and some cookies from the bakery for the staff and other patients at the Institute. While I was there today I was going to round on everyone, including my more disturbed patients on the fourth floor wing.

 Walking out of my office, I closed and locked the door and informed Marcie of my plans and wished her a good day. As I made my way out of the building I was on my way to the car when I heard someone calling my name and I spun around to see a tall man standing there. I gawked at him because he looked to be the spitting Image of Isaac, except that he smaller in height and width and his eyes were green, not the stunning cerulean blue that shined so intensely back at me whenever I managed to look Isaac in the eye.

 “May I help you?” I warily asked the doppelganger for Isaac. I was a little nervous standing in the middle of a parking lot although it was the middle of the day in the Atlanta heat.

 “Dr. Covington, I am sorry to approach you like this out of nowhere, but my name is Emmett Carmichael. I have been looking for my Aunt Sara and my cousin Isaac for quite some time now and I finally found them through someone I hired to help me search. Aunt Sara was married to my Uncle, my Father’s brother before he died and she remarried Mr. Hudson and simply disappeared after briefly telling us they were moving. We never knew what became of her or Isaac after that. My Dad died not knowing and it was his wish to find his nephew and reconnect with him, but sadly that didn’t happen. Then I heard about Isaac being arrested for murder and getting sent to a mental Institution, yours in fact.” The man said to me and someone could have knocked me over with a feather at that point I was so surprised.

 “Um…do have proof of what you claim, of being his cousin? I will not expose Isaac or discuss anything about his care to anyone that is my right and Isaac’s right in Doctor and patient confidentiality.  And I will not expose him to anymore trauma than what is necessary for his recovery.” I firmly stated as I felt my hackles rise, my sense of protection for Isaac was activated and in overdrive.

 “I understand your position Doctor, and I am not asking for anything other than the ability to get to see Isaac and talk to him, to explain to him what was told to us after his mother’s untimely death.  And I want to see him and find out what happened.” He pleaded and I felt some of my righteous indignation melt away.

“Isaac’s story and time spent after the death of his Mother with his Stepfather is a complicated issue, one that you have only garnered the briefest pieces of in your search. Please give me your number and here is my card. I need to speak with Isaac and his Attorney about this and figure out how best to handle this situation. I certainly hope you are sincere and strong enough to be able to deal with it and that you actually want to reconnect and stand by Isaac when and if he decides to share his story with you.” I said on a sigh.

 He stared right back at me with sincerity shimmering in his emerald gaze. “All I ask for is the chance to see him and talk to him, to let him know that I didn’t abandon him, we thought that he was happy and safe and that it was Aunt Sara decision to leave Isaac in the care of that man. Please tell him that my Mom, his Aunt Beth and I want to see him and that we love him. He will remember me, we played all the time together as kids, we were best friends until he moved away.” He said and I nodded at him.

 “I will talk to Isaac today and I will get back to you in the morning. Please be ready for the possibility of coming back here to my office, along with your Mother so that we can talk some more.” I told him and watched a smile so similar to Isaac’s spread across his face.

 “Thank you Doctor, I truly appreciate it. I had an appointment with you this afternoon but I canceled because I didn’t want you throwing me out of your office thinking that I came to you under false pretenses. But I had to see this through. Isaac was like the brother I never had and reading the details of his case and his charges made me realize that a lot of things are not adding up with what we were told. I will be looking forward to hearing from you tomorrow, I have to get back to my Mother and let her know about this.” He said before he shook my hand and made his way over to a sleek black Mercedes.

 I watched until he drove away and made a careful note of the license plate number. I pulled out my phone and shot off a quick text message to Mr. Siegel and informed him about this surprising new development. I made my way to my Jaguar and pressed the key fob to open the door and to start the engine when I got the confirmation message from Mr. Siegel.  He informed me that he will run Emmett Carmichael’s details and see what he came up with. No way was I going to let Isaac be hurt by yet another person who was supposed to be family to him.

 I made my stops quickly and picked up the treats for Isaac and everyone else. It didn’t take me long before I was pulling through the wrought iron security gates of the Institute, and waving at the security guards on duty as I passed through them and into the winding drive to the front of the house. The property never ceased to amaze me every time I saw it. It was a old stately Plantation house with acres of land space that were once cotton fields when I bought it and transformed into what it was today. I was very proud of what I have managed to do along with a very competent staff to offer a safe and structured environment to help those who couldn’t help themselves due to the psychological needs.

 I was getting ready to press the button for the third floor when I thought better of it and pushed the button for the second floor instead. I wouldn’t be able to talk to Isaac in his bedroom, God, the distraction alone and the possibility of me doing something stupid like tackling him onto his bed and rubbing myself all over the man was very real indeed. I waved hello to a few of the administrative staff and handed them one of the six boxes of cookies I had bought as I made my way to my office. I unlocked the door and placed the satchel of goodies on the sofa before making my way around the desk to take a seat.

 Holding the phone to my ear I called the third floor Nurses’ Desk and asked Richard to please escort Isaac to my office and to pick up the baked goods. He squealed at the mention of cookies and said he will be here in a moment. I replaced the headset on its cradle and stood up and shook my suit jacket off and hung it on the back of my chair. Walking over to the mini fridge in the corner, I pulled out two bottles of water and placed them on a tray along with two glasses and some napkins. I had just placed the tray on the corner of my mahogany desk when I heard a knock on my door and called out for Richard to come in.

 Leaning back on my desk, I watched as Richard entered my office first and I smiled as he headed straight for the cookies. Isaac followed him inside at a much slower pace. I felt my entire body heat up and a shiver of delight zinged across the surface of my skin as my eyes met his smoldering blue orbs. There was something different about his body language today, something hot and electric about him, and it made me want to whimper in surrender and climb his big body like a tree.

 I barely heard Richard mumbling something about taking the cookies upstairs and he left closing the door with a soft click behind him. I was now closed off in my office with Isaac staring intently at me. And I thought, who was I trying to fool when I said meeting him here was going to be any better than his bedroom, because with the way he was looking at me, I would let him take me anywhere, anytime, and anyplace he wanted to.

 I tried to remember what is was that I wanted to talk to him about I really did, but I just stood there frozen and brain dead as Isaac slowly stalked his way over to me. He stopped right in front of me and leaned down so we were face to face. I could feel my eyes go wide as his lips hovered a mere centimeter away from mine, we were so close if I tipped my head my trembling bottom lip would brush his plump and delicious looking lips.

 We were breathing the same air, his warm minty breath washed over my face and his lips did brush mine gently when he whispered. “I had my first orgasm last night, and I accomplished it thinking you were there with me in that steamy shower, and that it was your hand bringing me to completion.”

 And that was it, what little blood I had left in my stuttering brain rushed south and quickly filled my cock making it painfully hard. It throbbed and leaked in my shorts, and I closed my eyes and released the pent up whimper I had tried but failed to suppress at his words and the mental picture they created. This confident new Isaac took his chance and swooped in and captured my lips in an inexperienced but in a seemingly hot and enthusiastic kiss.

 My whole being succumbed to his embrace as my body ignited and electricity fired all over my nerve endings. Isaac grabbed me by my hips and slammed my pliant body flush against his large hard frame, and I could feel the ridge of his impressive erection as it rubbed against my hip.

  I wrapped my arms around his massive shoulders and held on for dear life as I was swept away by him and the lust he conjured with me. And as my body separated from my mind and it gave in willingly. I was officially lost and carried away by the unrelenting emotional tidal wave that was all Isaac and his newfound confidence and the ease of his masterful hold on me.

 Gone were thoughts of Lawyers and court cases and even surprise visits by his missing family. I was now completely and utterly his, to do with as he pleased. I couldn’t fight it anymore. God help me.

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

 (Third Floor Rec Room---->)

 

 Words could not express how he felt in my arms as he grinded his hot little body flush against my much larger frame. We were literally consuming each other right there in the middle of his office.
Sweet Jesus,
his lips were so soft and he tasted so sweet. And for all of my false bravado and the show of confidence on the outside, I was feeling the complete opposite on the inside. My heart pounded away in my chest, and my cock throbbed and wept in my shorts. My knees were threatening to collapse on me at given moment.

  And,
oh God,
the little noises that were coming from him did nothing to help my situation either. I felt him snake his small hands in between our bodies and placed his palms flat on my Pecs to gent push ne back to break the seal of our fused lips. He tilted his head back and stared back at me in a daze. His chest heaved right along with my own as we tried to catch our breaths. My eyes flicked to his wet pink lips, and they were slightly swollen from our kissing. I so wanted to swoop back in and reclaim his luscious mouth, but he had called a halt to our current proceedings and I had to respect his wishes.

 Royce looked almost torn as he made eye contact with me. I was beginning to worry that I may have miscalculated and moved too quickly with him. I stepped back with a look of confusion on my face and he just stood there for a minute. He finally moved, but it was away from me and towards one of the chairs in front of his desk. He waved me over to the other seat and I made my way to the chair on shaky legs and sat down. My hands were shaking with nerves, I had no idea why he put the brakes on things and I just prayed that I didn’t push him too far too quickly.

 Watching as he stretched over and picked up a bottle of water. He offered it to me but I declined with a shake of my head. My stomach was already in knots and I didn’t need to introduce anything into it for it to reject it and my lunch by vomiting all over the floor.

 He scrubbed a hand over his face and released a heartfelt sigh. “Isaac, I am so sorry, that was very inappropriate of me and I should know better than to let it happen. I am not going to sit here and lie to you, and if we had met under different circumstances and you were not my patient, then I would happily let our relationship become a romantic one.” He quietly stated and I felt my heart sink into the bottom of my gut like lead.

 I was mortified and I had no idea of what to say or how to deal with this situation. I was his patient and it seemed that is all I would ever be. But I was going to man up and be the adult that I am. This was uncharted territory for me and I didn’t want to force myself on him. I had a long miserable history in that department, and I refused to ever do that to someone else. So I just sat there dejected to the pits of my soul and waited for whatever else he was going to say.

 “Please Isaac understand my position. I am doing this because if I let myself be with you and the court finds out about us, they can use my conflict of interest in your upcoming hearing to ruin everything that I have set in motion to get to the bottom of your case and hopefully to set you free. You have been through so much and I sincerely applaud your progress, even the fact that you achieved a great milestone of discovering your desires and bringing yourself sexual gratification. Most victims of sexual and mental abuse never fully recover to the point that they find sex or any thought of it as something that appealed to them.” He explained.

 “Isaac, I have personally hired another Attorney for you, a Mr. Siegel, he seems very competent and he has brought a Private Investigator on board, and they have already found several things to make your case stronger when we present their findings of your history and that of your Stepfather’s to the court. He will also be seeking to have the men involved charged with unlawful imprisonment, and rape and sexual molestation of a minor because that is what you were when all of it began. The only hurdle is your memory of that night in question where you had to do what you did. We firmly believe it was self defense but we have to prove it.”

 I sat back and I felt my hackles rise up a little as I let his words sink in. Again I just wanted to be free of all this and move on, but as quickly as my anger boiled up it simmered back down and left me feeling exhausted and indecisive. “I don’t know what to say, but I guess a thank you is in order. I have tried and tried to remember that night but I keep hitting a wall that I can’t seem to climb over or break through it. I want to remember if it is only for the sole purpose of getting this over with and I can stop being a victim. That bastard is dead and gone but he still has me tied up as if he was still here tormenting my very existence and I am tired of it. I want to be normal, to be free to live, love, and laugh.” I stated with quiet intensity. I balled my fingers into a fist and refused to let myself sink into self pity.

 “Trust and believe me when I say that I would like nothing more than to be with you. You have captivated me from the start, but we still have a lot of issues to work through and you have just begun the healing process. Anything that we do now can set you back severely if our relationship went south and I think it is your best interest that we put a stop to anything before it starts.” He earnestly implored to me as he spread his arms out, and the look on his face mirrored my feelings of disappointment, and yes I was hurt, but I am a big boy and what he said made sense.

 “You are right of course, and I am going to defer to your judgment in regards to all of this. I may come off as being confident, but I really have no clue of what to do or how to act in a sexual situation. I was just going where my feelings took me.” I said as I studied the wall above his head. It hurt to look into his gorgeous face knowing that he will never ever be mine. “I will wait for you to tell me what to do and if you want me to meet with this new Lawyer. And as for my memory, I will let you figure that out too. Now, I feel the need to be alone for a little while and I apologize for putting you in an awkward position.” I finished my spiel with as much dignity as I could muster and I rose to my feet.

 “Isaac, it takes two to tango and I was right there with you. There is nothing for you to apologize for. Now, just let me grab my keycard and I will take you back to your room.” He said but I held up my hand to waylay him.

 “It’s okay Doc, can you please call Richard or one of the Orderlies to come. I just need a little space and again thanks for everything that you are doing for me.” I said, adding that last part to soften the look of dismay in his gaze when I asked for another escort to my room. But I needed to get away from him for awhile. I felt like my insides were flayed open and raw, and I didn’t need salt poured into my wounds. I just wanted to go lick them quietly in a corner in private.

 Royce just nodded his head at me and went around his desk to call for someone to come and get me. He then told me he would wait until I am ready then he will discuss in detail with me about my case, but I was barely listening to him. I was just trying to keep it together and it was taking all of my energy to do it. I felt like curling up and just let myself bawl like a baby.

 It seemed like forever before there was a quiet knock on his closed office door and he called out for whoever it was to enter, and it was just my luck that it was Flora. She took one look at my face and clucked he tongue and glared menacingly at Royce, but thank God, she managed to keep her outspoken opinions to herself. She somehow recognized that now was not the time to have her say. She just smiled brightly and cooed at me that she saved me some cookies and I better hurry up before Richard found the stash.

 I barely managed a smile and a wave in his general direction and I followed Flora out into the hallway and away from the object of my desires. I couldn’t get to my room fast enough and I found myself getting impatient to do so as we waited for the elevator. Flora was trying her best as she babbled nonsense in an upbeat manner and I appreciated what she was trying to do in regards to cheering me up. But I wasn’t feeling it right now and I guess she figured it out because she got quiet and remained that way until I finally made it back to my room. I gave her a half hearted smile and leaned over to give her a kiss of gratitude on her cheek before I stepped over the threshold and into my room, quietly closing the door behind myself.

 I pushed off the wooden panel and trudged over the chair by the window and sat down heavily into it. I let all my pent up feelings out and let the hot tears build in my eyes before they spilled down my cheeks. I found it absolutely amazing that I woke up this morning feeling so expectant and buoyant about seeing Royce and then in a matter of minutes, I felt like I have shattered into a million pieces and scattered to the four winds.

 Sitting there, I morosely watched the sun as it got lower and lower in the sky until it disappeared into the landscape and the lights on the property came on one by one fully illuminating the lavish manicured lawns. Someone had come in a placed my dinner tray on the table and quietly made their way back out again, but I had no interest in food right now. I sat here and promised myself that I was going to give myself today to just wallow in my misery and I encouraged myself  that tomorrow would be a new day.

 Royce was right about everything as much as it hurt, he was still honest and he truly cared about my feelings. I had to take in consideration that this must not be easy for him either and everything that he was doing for me, he really didn’t have to go as far as he was and my heart just beat all the more for the man. I rubbed my hands over my face wiping away the evidence of my grief. I had a long way to go before I should be so consumed about someone and once gain his words rang true about me needing to take the time to heal.

 I got up and plodded my way over my dinner. I saw Flora’s influence on the tray, there were more deserts than there was actual food on it, and I had to smile at her matronly attempt to get me to eat and be happy. I sat down and slowly worked my way through some of my favorite treats. I didn’t have an appetite, but I didn’t want to worry anyone. I wondered if Royce had gone home but I shook the thoughts of him away and replaced the half eaten dishes on the tray.

 Getting up, I raised my arms over my head and stretched the kinks out my muscles from sitting in one position for too long. Gawd, I was simply exhausted. I padded over to the bathroom and I took a quick shower followed by getting dressed for bed. When I laid my head down, I thought I was going to be in for a long sleepless night, but that wasn’t the case. I quickly drifted off and I was glad for it as I felt my tired muscles relax completely. My eyelids blinked slower and slower and darkness took over my senses.

 When my eyes fluttered open again it was morning, the sun was shining brightly through the windows and it warmed my half covered body on the bed. A new day was upon me and I planned to make it a new and spectacular one. I was going to take my mixed feelings and do what I did in jail, use them to better my mind and my body.

 I threw back the covers and sat up and stretched my limbs. First thing first, shower and then breakfast. I had some filing to do for Flora and then I was going to spend some time in the gym. I had no idea if Royce was coming in today and as apprehensive as I was about seeing him; I was going to put on a brave face and do what I had to do. I didn’t want to make the situation any more difficult for him than it was for me.

 Performing my morning routine, I noticed it was time for a shave again. I tried to remember if today was the day the Barber was going to be here, but I had no idea as to what day it was. They seem to sort of run together in this place.

 There was a brief knock on the door before I heard the lock disengage and Brad popped his head through the opening to check to see if I was decent. I managed to give him a welcoming smile and waved him into the room. He returned the greeting as he kicked the door open with his foot because in his hands was my breakfast tray and the aromas coming off of it made my tummy growl loudly in the otherwise quiet room.

 He sauntered further into the room with that swaggering gait of his and neatly placed the tray on the table. “Good morning Sunshine. Are you feeling better this morning?” He asked as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned his hip against the table.

 I ducked my head and nodded because although his question sounded light and airy, I could tell there was real concern for my state of mind behind his words. “I am feeling much better than yesterday.” I mumbled and scuffled across the carpet to take my place in front of my food. Lifting the cover off, I gawked open mouthed at the mounds of eggs, bacon, and fruit. There was even an extra large side of fluffy buttermilk pancakes dripping with butter and warm maple syrup on the side. Thick slices of ham and sausage with steam still curling off of them, and my mouth watered.

 I had to wipe a hand across my face to make sure drool hadn’t dribbled out onto my chin. Brad just chuckled at my reaction and teased. “Yep, you are doing just fine foodie head. Now, Flora had noticed that you didn’t give yourself a sugar high with all the sweets she had piled onto your dinner tray yesterday evening, so she gave me strict orders that you are to clear your plate this morning.”

 I just nodded in agreement with him and proceeded to do just that. Brad stayed where was for a minute and watched as I wolfed down the food. “Well, I leave you to it, but Isaac, please remember that we are all here for you and if you need to talk to me, just say the word.” He stated and I had to quickly swallow past the lump of emotion in my throat.

 Tilting my head back so that I could look directly into his face, I thanked him for his concern and his sincere offer. I asked him about getting a shave and it was my lucky day because the Barber was going to be here later this afternoon. He told me that he was going to make sure that I got in to get a shave. I ate while he rattled off the chores Flora had set for me to accomplish today. It seems that her attempt to take my mind off things was to keep me busy and I didn’t mind it in the least.

 It didn’t take long before I was full and Brad helped me clean up the table and I followed him out the desk with the tray to place on the return cart for the kitchen. I didn’t see Flora or Richard and I figured they were making their rounds on the other patients, so I set out to do what I was told. The filing and such took up my mental space and I worked steadily through the morning. And before I knew it Richard came up to me to tell me it was my turn for my shave.

 When we got downstairs, I just sat in the salon chair and relaxed as my face was freed from a couple days worth of stubble. The warm towel felt like heaven on my skin and I sort of liked the pampering. It made me feel even better.

 I returned upstairs to Flora fussing over me and I just let her to make her happy. And she clucked and literally spoon fed me my chili and cornbread. I thought about the possibility of leaving this place and gaining my freedom, and it sort of depressed me in the sense of leaving these wonderful caring people behind. I didn’t dwell too much on that train of thought because no matter what this new Lawyer found, there was still the issue of my missing memories. But I just let it all go for now. There was time enough for me to deal with all of it, and I was confident that Royce would figure out a way to help me try to recall them and fit the puzzle pieces of my life together again.

 So after lunch, I joined the other residents of the third floor to watch a movie, and Brad and Richard provided popcorn and soft drinks. One day at a time, that was what I told myself. It was all I could do at this point, was to take my recovery one day at a time.

Chapter 12

Chapter 12

 (Issac’s gift------->)

 

 
Taking a seat behind my desk in my office at the Institute, I leaned forward and turned my computer on; and as always there were several stacks of paperwork waiting for me to go through them and invoices that needed my signature. I flipped through them and once my computer went through its start up process, I immediately logged into my email account to check for any new information from Mr. Siegel about his progress with Isaac’s case.

 It has been a few weeks now since Isaac and I stood right here in this very office and shared our first kiss. He had asked me to give him some time and I have. I have not laid eyes on him since that day, but I have talked to him over the phone and now his Cousin and his Aunt are back in his life and they haven’t failed not once to come and visit with him on the weekends. They showered him with love and acceptance, and it helped him so much with his recovery.

 As it turns out Isaac’s real Father’s side of the family was wealthy, they were big into cattle and oil with roots firmly embedded in Beef Country smack dab in the middle of Texas. It made it all more the sad knowing that he could have had a life of privilege and pampering if had had grown up with his Aunt and Uncle and the multitude of other relations they told him about, rather than having lived in that nightmare with his sadistic Stepfather.

 I had set it up so that he and his family met with Mr. Siegel and the good Lawyer went through everything with them, and brought them up to date on what was going on and what to expect in the future when he has gathered all the information necessary to go back to the Judge. Isaac’s case was slowly coming together and I was glad that everything seemed to be working out for him. That was my intent first and foremost, for him to be free from being labeled a murderer and for him to be happy, even if it wasn’t with me.

 He had flat out refused my request every time I had asked if he was ready to talk to me face to face, and it had hurt me to my core. I was just trying to the right thing, and it was all for him but he didn’t see it that way. Isaac had no idea how deep my feelings ran for him. I have basically let him have free reign in a locked institution. I have bent over backwards and stepped out of the normal routine to make sure he was happy. But he wouldn’t know that and I didn’t want him to.

 I have watched Isaac thrive in the last few weeks; his body was carved and toned to perfection. He began taking college prep courses via the internet with the financial support of his trust fund left to him by his deceased Father. But I still bought him a laptop with a wireless internet connection access and asked Flora to give it to him. I forbade her to tell him it was from me, I told her if he asked that it was provided by the Institution for educational purposes.

 While he thrived more and more every day, it seemed that I was slowly dying on the inside and it was beginning to show on my outward appearance and I didn’t give a crap. I got what I wanted didn’t I? Isaac was on a slow and steady path of healing, and for that I was overjoyed. I refused to dwell on what might have been between us romantically, but as much as I tried to fight the thoughts they kept creeping inside of my head and my heart at the most inopportune moments.

 In some ways I can truly understand why he didn’t want to see me; it was because it hurt too much. I know, because I have spent hours making my eyes burn watching the security video feed on the third floor hallway to his room, the Recreational Room, and the Gym trying in vain to get my daily fix of seeing him. I was like a drug addict seeking his next score. I woke up thinking about him and I go to bed thinking about him, and I was exhausted and my heart hurt. I just wanted what I couldn’t have but the fact still remained that I wanted him so badly it was painful to my mind and my body. But I refused to be the one thing that would hurt his chance to clear his name and start to his new life afresh.

 My finger hovered over the mouse as I hesitated to open the security camera access files. I sat there indecisive for a minute, but like a magnet my hand went back to the mouse and I quickly clicked to open the file. And almost immediately the different boxes showing the many different angles of the many rooms in the house popped up. I selected the third floor and I zoomed in on the Nurse’s station. I scanned the entire floor before locating him in Rec Room.

 He was by himself and he was tapping away on his computer pausing every now and again to write something down on the notebook resting by his arm. 
Oh God,
he was stunning and I watched him like the pervert that I was for a few more minutes before forcing myself to close the program and I tried to get back into the things I really needed to be doing.

 Paperwork wasn’t truly the reason of coming back to the Institute after weeks of occupying my time with lectures and book signings, the patients in the office, and everything and anything to keep me away from the man that I would gladly give up my life for. The realization of much I love Isaac had smacked me dead in the face in the middle of the night one night in a lonely hotel room where I was slotted to speak at one of the many conferences I had jammed packed my schedule with.

 Today was actually Isaac’s birthday and Flora had called me to inform me that I needed to be here whether I liked or not for his birthday dinner they had planned or else she would quit. I knew it was a bluff, I knew she would never leave me or her patient’s like that, but the statement alone let know just how serious she was. So I greedily grabbed at the opportunity to see him face to face again and not on a one dimensional monitor screen.

 I signed the last invoice and placed it in the correct folder and put it in my out box on the corner of my desk for my secretary to pick up in the morning, seeing that it was well past the time for the end of her of the day.  She has long since departed the Institute to go home. I checked the clock hanging on the wall and it was time to get upstairs if I was going to participate in this little shindig. After logging off and shutting down my computer, I grabbed the bag containing Isaac’s gift and slowly made my way upstairs. I was hoping and praying that he will be alright with seeing me here today his special day.

 If I was really being honest with myself, I was using all the energy I had just to walk upright. These past few weeks have been rough on me, and I knew somewhere in my mind that I was pushing myself beyond my body’s capabilities in order to occupy my mind and to keep the memory of Isaac’s hurt face from haunting my every waking moment. I knew that I had lost weight; I knew that I didn’t take enough time to eat or to sleep properly. But I was running away from my feelings. I was running away from the pain that I caused him and I didn’t know how to stop. The crushing weight of it all was too much for me to deal with; and if I stood still long enough it would break me into a million pieces, and if that happened I knew there was no hope of putting myself back together because the one person that would be able to do so was moving on with his life at my own insistence.

 I stepped off the elevator when the doors opened, and I slowly made my way down the hall to the Rec Room where they were keeping the festivities. The other patients have long since gone to their rooms and this was a special party for Isaac alone. He was not only celebrating birthday, but also the fact that he has finished his one of  his classes and passed with a resounding A plus as his final grade.

 I stopped and inhaled and exhaled through a wave of dizziness that made me a little light headed, and when I felt a little steadier on my feet; I plastered what I hope was a pleasant smile on my face and walked into the room. I placed his gift on the table packed with other gifts and looked around the room. Most of the staff was already in here, Brad was in his usual spot and that was wherever Richard was, and at the moment it was by the food table.

 Emmett was given a special pass today by security in order to come upstairs and celebrate with his Cousin, and he chatting with Isaac in the middle of the room. I hungrily watched him as he threw back his head and laughed at something Emmett had said to him. And I died a little more on the inside, all of a sudden there was a sudden crash as something shattered on the floor followed by the shrill sound of Flora’s shocked voice. “What in the Hell have you done to yourself?” She demanded and my head snapped up and I looked at her only just realizing that she was speaking to me.

 I blinked at her like an owl behind my dropping glasses and I flushed bright red when I felt every one’s gaze zeroing in on me to see what she was talking about and I heard a few murmurs amongst the crowd. I mean I didn’t think I looked that bad. I had shaved and combed my hair to make sure that I at least looked somewhat presentable. But judging by the looks of concern I was receiving, I had failed to accomplish it and I was embarrassed.

 It wasn’t until my eyes met Isaac’s stunning blue ones and the smoldering look he gave me was enough to make me spin on my heels and rush out of the room. The look on his face almost resembled pity and it cut me like nothing else. I didn’t want him to feel sorry for me, I was the one looking out for his best interests, and I was dealing with my pain the best way I knew how.

 I had almost made it to the elevator when I felt two big hands grab me by my waist and I was unceremoniously lifted off of my feet and I landed over a broad shoulder with a resounding thud. My glasses fell off my face and I sputtered out that they fell but there wasn’t even the slightest break in Isaac’s powerful stride as he stomped his way down the hallway leading to his room. There was nothing I could do other than to stop myself from injuring my ribs on his shoulder, so I braced my upper body with my hands on his waist.

 I heard someone trotting behind us, but I refused to open my eyes in fear of even more mortification of watching my staff witnessed me being carried off like a Neanderthal’s prized piece of meat. My face burned and when he set me back on my feet my head spun so bad I felt myself stumbling backwards but once again two strong arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me into a hard chest. I couldn’t help but to inhale his very essence into my lungs. Isaac smelled like clean linen and vanilla, his own unique scent. I was too tired to do anything else and the room was spinning too much for me.

 So I just sighed and closed my eyes and gave Isaac all of my body weight. He just stood there and held me close. I heard the door open and the unmistakable stride that belonged to Flora as she made her way into the room. She pushed her way through Brad, Richard, Emmett, and Isaac. She put my glasses firmly back on my face and I just sighed and braced myself for the tirade that I was sure in coming, seeing that she put both hands on her hips and glared at me.

 Flora opened her mouth to get going but Isaac interrupted her before she could even utter a word. He gave her a meaningful glance and politely asked for someone to fix me a plate of food and a glass of Iced Tea. He shooed every one out of the room telling them to go and enjoy the fun and he thanked them for his party while he was at it. He walked his Cousin to the door and they conversed quietly for a minute, and then Emmett left as well.

 Isaac pushed the door closed and made his way over to the table. He grabbed the back of the chair in one hand and carried it over to where I was sitting on the bed and he took a seat directly in front of me. I steadfastly studied the tips of my shoes. I couldn’t look him in the eye, I was scared of what I would see in those gorgeous orbs and I felt tired, really tired. He exhaled long and hard and my shoulders slumped even more with utter shame.

 He cleared his throat before asking me. “Royce, you look like you haven’t had a decent meal or a good night’s rest in a long time, why? Tell me why, is it because of me?” He whispered and I felt my eyes begin to burn with hot tears. I sniffed and shook my head. How was I supposed to answer that question? How would he react if I told him that I loved him with every fiber in my body? I had practically told him thanks but no thanks when he had bared his feelings for me in my office. I had good reasons not to pursue him, but my heart didn’t agree with any of them.

 I felt the scalding tears spill over onto my face and I reached up to swipe them away, but Isaac swatted my hands out of the way and he leaned forward and destroyed me. A wrenching sob escaped my throat and choked out of my mouth as he rubbed my tears away with his own face. I started bawling; releasing the pressure valve on my emotions and Isaac snatched me off the bed and planted me in his lap. His big hands rubbed soothing circles on my back while I ruined the shoulder of the shirt that he was wearing.

 I cried out all of the pain and longing I had kept pent up inside of me for so long. I hiccupped and blubbered all over the man and he did nothing but whisper words of comfort as he rocked me back and forth. It totally escaped my knowledge that Brad had slipped back into the room with dinner and the beverages. He had placed everything on the table and quietly slipped back out again locking the door behind him.

  Isaac sat here patiently with me until I stopped crying and my hiccups turned into ragged puffs of air against his neck where my face was currently buried. My body went completely limp in his arms and the rise and fall of his massive chest, and his body heat wrapped around my chilled form and lulled me into floating space in my head that belonged only to him.

 He ran his hand up my back and cupped the back of my head in his palm and leaned forward bringing me out of hiding spot underneath his chin. He brushed his lips against mine and I shivered in his arms.

 “I get why you said we shouldn’t be together, and your reasoning’s behind it are sound ones. But baby, it is literally tearing us apart.” He said as he continued to caress my cheeks, chin, and the tip of my nose with his sweet lips. His fresh minty breath washed over my skin and I just held onto him trembling like a leaf.

 “I put on a brave front, it’s what I do, and it is how I deal with things beyond my ability to control. But I am dying inside knowing that you are so close but yet so far away. I never thought that I would have these feelings for anyone, much less another man after what happened to me and my feelings for you get stronger every day. I am sorry that you might not agree with me, but I want to take the next step. I want to be with you, and after this little display, I know you want to be with me too. I need you.” He quietly exclaimed and that was it for me, the pleading in his voice unraveled the strings holding my heart and let him in. He was now entrenched into my very soul and he was right. I needed him just as much as he needed me.

 Finally, I raised my watery eyes to meet his smoldering cerulean ones. He perfect features were blurry since he had removed my glasses when he used his own skin to wipe away my tears. “I need you too, but for the sake of your case we need to be discreet. You are so close to gaining your freedom and you have come so far. I don’t want your chances ruined by being selfish and unprofessional.” I managed to choke out past the lump that was firmly lodged in my throat.

 “You have made remarkable steps in your healing process and it’s still a work in progress, but I can’t function anymore without you. I only rejected you to begin with because I want so much for you to succeed and you are. You are thriving, you are so strong to survive what you have, and you constantly amaze me with how grounded you have become. Everything about you draws me in like a moth to a flame, and I am man enough to admit that I admire you and I envy your strength. But I still want to remind you that getting into a relationship with each other will not be easy for either us. There is the matter of still unraveling your memories, my career, and finding the men involved in order to get justice for their hideous crimes.” I informed him, but he just gave me that sinfully sexy smirk of his and rubbed his nose against mine.

 “I understand entirely Royce, but at first I didn’t and you were right; I needed to heal and get to a place where I can think logically and rationally about everything and about what HE did to me and how it has affected me. I am dealing with it. I am talking to Flora, to you, to my Attorney, and to my family about it. I feel that I have come to terms with most of it and I have almost finished fitting the pieces of my puzzle together. Now, enough of the heavy stuff, we can talk about it some more after I get some sustenance into you. You scared the hell of me when I saw how much weight you have lost and this fatigue that is plaguing you.” He finished and he stood straight up still holding me in his arms.
Damn, he was strong.

 A little yelp escaped out of my mouth and I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his wide shoulders. He carried me to the table and sat down in the other chair. I went to shift off of his lap but he held me in place with one strong arm and uncovered the food with the other. He proceeded to feed me by his own hand and my heart fluttered in my chest. I am sure my deep emotions for him were mirrored in my gaze as we shared the food and I just resigned myself to the fact that this man was it for me. I couldn’t fight with myself anymore because I would lose every time. So I will just roll with the punches and pray that we would  make it together.

Chapter 13

Chapter 13

 (The Hidden door in Royce’s office---->)

Warning Nosebleed, there is no need for me to say anything else.

 

 
 For what must have been the hundredth time since I placed this sleeping Angel on my bed, I brushed his curls off his forehead and just marveled at his beauty. Even with all the weight he had lost, he was simply perfect and he was finally mine. Words couldn’t even begin to express the euphoria that I was feeling.  I had managed to get him to eat at least half his dinner and God, every time I watched his pretty pink lips slide over the prongs of the fork, I willed myself not to get hard down there.

 It was approaching lights out and I was expecting one or all of my good Nurses to come back in here to check on Royce. They were just as worried as I was when we saw how haggard he looked and I felt a pang of guilt shimmer through me. It had hurt my feelings when he had put a stop to everything in his office the other day. And at that time it was all I could think about and I had heard his reasoning’s behind his decision, but I was more focused on his reluctance to explore a romantic relationship with me. And out of selfishness, I had refused to see him over the last few weeks not realizing that the situation was just as hard for him as it has been for me.

  He was currently lying on his side facing me as I was facing him. Even in his sleep his smaller hand kept a tight grip on mine, and every time I tried get up or I shifted around his grip just got tighter until I went completely still again. So, I just laid here and inhaled his sunshine and citrus scent with every breath that I took.

 It wasn’t long after lights out that I heard a gentle tap on my door; I didn’t want to call out and risk waking Royce out of his much needed sleep, so I remained quiet in hopes that whoever it was would just pop their head inside to see for themselves that he was resting.

 The lock disengaged and Flora took a tentative peek into the darkened room. She spied Royce’s sleeping form beside me and she quietly pushed the door open just enough for her to slip inside and then she closed it behind her. “How is he?” She whispered as she came closer to the bed.

 “He is exhausted, but at least he ate and now I hope he sleeps through the night.” I answered her just as quietly.

 She gave Royce a good once over glance before she nodded and said that she would see us in the morning and that Richard was on call tonight if we needed anything at all. And with a final wink, she left just as quietly as she came. After a few more minutes, I could feel my own eyes begin to droop. So I pulled the covers closer to over our bodies and I slid across the sheets and took him into my arms.  I snuggled him into my chest with his head resting under my chin.

 Sunlight cut a path across the bed the next time I opened my eyes and I groaned and closed them again to block out the bright rays. I was ready to do a full body stretch until my arms brushed something really soft and warm curled up underneath my side. I looked down and smiled at the sight of Royce huddled in a tight ball lying almost completely underneath me. I spied the tangled blankets that were twisted around my legs and realized that I was a blanket hog, and that he was just trying to get warm after I literally rolled the blankets off of him.

 As gently as I could I unwrapped the blankets from my body and tucked him securely into them and I quietly made the attempt to scoot myself off of the bed without waking him. He didn’t move a muscle through all of this and that was a testimony of just how tired he truly was. I made sure that he was comfortable before walking over to the dresser to retrieve clean underwear and another pair of scrubs.

 The hot water cascading over my body in the shower felt like heaven against my skin but despite all that, I wanted to get back to Royce before he woke up and found himself alone in my bed.  So I rushed through my morning routine and quickly threw on my fresh set of clothes wanting to hurry back to his side. But when I opened the bathroom door he was already sitting up at the side of the bed looking so adorable as he rubbed his eyes like a child before putting his glasses onto his sleep flushed face.

 My stomach flipped over when those pretty blue eyes focused on me and a broad smile of welcome split his face. Other areas of my body twitched in appreciation as well, but I steadfastly tried my best to ignore that part. I made my way over to him and he stood up as I got closer. He just raised his arms and I smiled at his cuteness a second before I wrapped him up in my arms and he snuggled his head into my shoulder.

 “You smell good and it only reminds me how badly I need a shower.” He said before he pulled back and looked up into my face.

 “Well you have your sleeping quarters here right? Don’t you keep clothes in there just in case you have to stay the night like you did when I first arrived here?” I inquired of him as I internally fought my with rebellious body at the same time. My disobedient dick was trying to make itself known at every given opportunity. I wanted Royce with a passion but I was unsure about giving in to these impulses. I was not ashamed to say that I had watched hours and hours of porn in order to see for myself what having sex with another man was supposed to be like. I had watched all types of sex scenes and I had succeeded in making myself hard as a rock and hornier than a rabbit. But I gained a general idea of how it’s supposed to be.

 “That’s very true, I do have clothes here and it is still early enough for me to make it to my room without being seen by the other patients and most of the staff. I don’t know how I will ever manage to look most of them in face ever again since you pulled out your inner Caveman and threw me over your shoulder and carried me off like that yesterday.” He pouted at me and my cock filled to an almost painful capacity as my gaze fell to those delicious plump pink lips of his.

 “You were my damsel in distress and I didn’t want you to hurt yourself. You were unsteady on your feet.” I teased and watched as he rolled his eyes and stomped off towards the door.

 He dug around in his pockets until he found his keycard and then he inserted into the door panel and released the lock and opened it. He stepped out into the hallway and I didn’t know if he wanted to go off on his own and I would see him after or breakfast, or was I supposed to follow him. So I just sort of hovered there uncertain until he popped his head back around the door frame and raised an eyebrow a sardonic at me.

  I couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped my lips as I followed behind him at a respectable distance.  And I couldn’t help but to perve on his adorable little ass in his rumpled dress slacks. We passed the Nurses’ Station and while Royce hurried past like there was fire underneath his heels. He looked neither left nor right as his cheeks flushed with his remembered embarrassment of me carrying him off in front of his staff.

  But I just smiled at the same recollection of events and sauntered by the desk and winked at a smirking Richard as I passed. Royce will forgive me soon enough for the Caveman treatment, or at least I hoped so. After seeing him looking so withdrawn and  tired at my party; I had been concerned about him and I didn’t want him to get too far away from me because if he had made it into the elevators last night there was no way for me to get him after that.

 We made to his office without incident and Royce opened the door and walked inside. I followed behind him like a good little boy. He walked straight through until he reached the bookcase beside his desk and he reached in and pulled something. I was surprised to see a door open right out of the paneling of the shelves, a hidden door.  How cool was that?  If you didn’t know it was there, you would have no clue about it. He disappeared through it and I quickly followed. I had no idea how to open the thing if closed on me.

 I stepped into a comfortable bedroom, the walls were utilitarian white, but there were several prints scattered across the walls that broke the monotony of white. His bed was covered with plush dark green pillows with the matching comforter set. He picked up a remote control next to the bed and switched on the flat screen TV that was mounted on the opposite wall. The morning news was on and he left it on that channel.

 “I am going to take a quick shower and then we can go back upstairs to have something to eat.” He said and I took a seat on the end of his bed and went about flipping through the channels after he handed me the remote. I took a deep breath and blew it out through my nose as I watched him walk through a doorway to his bathroom on the other side of the room.

  He didn’t close the door all the way behind himself, and I was determined not to invade his privacy by even chancing to get a little peek of him naked. No, that would not help with my current problem what so ever. But my eyes kept straying to the half inch gap in the bathroom door, no matter how hard I tried to focus on the TV screen every few seconds or so, I would catch myself turning my head into that direction and I would snap it back around. It was a miracle I didn’t give myself whiplash.

 I heard the water of shower turn on and the rustle of fabric and everything on my body stood at attention, from the hair on my head to my throbbing cock in my pants. I groaned as a whiff if his sunshine and citrus scent wafted through the air to tickle my nose, and it coaxed all the blood in my body to rush to its destination between my legs. I was so hard by this point that the head of my cock was dangerously purple and it could longer be restrained by my underwear or my pants. It peeked through the waistband of both and twitched against the skin of my abdomen. Thank God my shorts were the loose kind.

 I was so engrossed in willing my naughty member to settle down that I never registered the fact that the shower had turned off, or that Royce was calling my name until he stepped up right in front of me wearing nothing but a towel. Mesmerized, my gaze traveled from his cute little toes all the way up to his slender smooth chest. Beads of water still clung to his pale perfect skin and I had to close my eyes to block out the erotic images of what I wanted to do to his body.

 I have come to terms with the feelings of desire that only he could ignite within me. Royce put his hand on my shoulder and asked me if I was okay. God, this man had no idea of the effect he had on me. He owned me with just one look, a single caress from his soft little hands caused my whole body to heat up and set my heart to beating at an erratic pace.

 My eyes snapped open and I looked up into his beautiful face. He was leaning over me and we were face to face. He must have recognized the look of raw lust simmering in my heated gaze, because he gasped and made to take a step back mumbling an apology and stuttering something about getting dressed. But when he made a move to do just that, my arms shot out at lightning speed and I captured his slender hips in my hands and pulled him closer.

 I had to taste his skin. I had to find out if it tasted as good as it looked. I needed to find out if he was a delectable as he seemed, and I gathered him even closer and let my instincts take over and rule my actions. He shivered as the tip of my nose made contact with the warm smooth ridges of his defined abdominal muscles. And I inhaled his scent deep into my lungs and reveled in it. I let it wash over my senses and my mouth watered. I could feel my shaft getting even harder than it already was, and I’ll be damned if I didn’t want to rip my now too tight clothing off of my body to feel him against me skin to skin.

 My tongue snaked out my mouth and he whimpered as it traced every contour of his stomach, dipping obscenely into his navel lapping up the water mixed with the flavor of his skin and it was like heavenly nectar on my tongue. I growled deep in my throat as I continued sipping at his skin and my tongue swirled circular patterns all over his torso. I watched almost hypnotized as the towel tented over his groin and my fingers flexed with need to yank the material away and bare his perfect body to my sight.

 His hands went into my hair and he ran his fingers through my tresses and fisted them there. I spread my legs even wider to bring him even closer to hungry mouth. And I recalled watching the videos of those men tonguing nipples of their partners and the pleasure they seemed to have derived from the act, so I tried it. I flicked one of his beaded pink discs with the tip of moist tongue and the mewl he released caused my cock to pump out a load of pre-ejaculate into my boxers.

 Totally encouraged by his obvious enjoyment of my mouth and tongue on his skin, I wrapped my hands around his trim waist and began to feast in earnest on every square inch of his flesh that I could reach. My fingers gripped his shoulders and I urged him to lean forward to give me access to the sensitive skin of his throat. He moaned again and bent at his waist, bracing his hands on either side of my hips on the mattress. I nipped and sucked on his neck, and my lips slowly traveled up the elegant column of his throat and across his jaw until I found the soft flesh of his earlobe and I gave it a sharp little nip before sucking the sweet bit of flesh into my mouth.

 Royce let out a keening little screech and he scampered into my lap straddling my thighs. The towel fell away and my eyes devoured every luscious inch of his body. He used his hands in my hair to tug my head backwards and he dived in, smashing his soft delicious lips to mine and I let him take over. He was more experienced than I was with lovemaking and my mind went on auto pilot as he took charge. My busy hands ran the length of his spine as he ran his tongue along my bottom lip and I instinctively parted my lips to grant him the access he was seeking.

 My whole body shuddered as his tongue and his intoxicating flavor invaded my mouth. I followed his lead and our tongues danced to a sensual rhythm shared only between the two of us. His sinuous body began to undulate against mine and I could feel his member as it rubbed against my abdomen. His hands released from my hair and they flew to the hem of my shirt. 

 He broke the kiss only to whip the piece of clothing over my head and almost immediately his smaller hands ran all over my naked back, abs, and chest. He pinched my nipples and they beaded under his touch, the little bit of pain shot wet heat straight to my throbbing dick and I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed out of my constricting confines of my pants. Now impatient, I stood straight up and yanked them down my thighs.  Royce stumbled off of my lap and almost lost his balance but he caught himself.

 Both of our chests were heaving with the effort of trying to catch our breaths. Royce looked like sex on legs standing there completely naked and flushed. His kiss swollen lips parted and wet and he breathed through his mouth, and his beautiful blue eyes were dilated to the point where the cerulean irises were almost no longer present. He was trembling like a leaf as he watched me rip out of the rest of my clothes. My rock hard shaft bounced as I freed it and then it stood straight up in the air. I watched him as he closed his eyes. The next thing I knew he tackled me onto the bed with the force of an NFL linebacker.

  I landed flat on my back and groaned long and hard as he straddled my hips. The feel of his soft flesh of his inner thighs against my body as his sweet ass settled directly over my weeping cock. I was mindless with desire as he began to grind on my length. The slick pre-come caused my head of my cock to slip easily into his hot crease and I had to grab his hips to hold him still for a minute before I shot my load like an excited preteen. But he clenched and flexed the muscles of his ass instead against my shaft and the swollen leaking tip.

 “Mmmmnnnhhhh…was the only sound that came out of my mouth before he reclaimed my lips underneath his own. I felt like I was on fire. God, nothing in my life has ever felt this good. He grabbed my hands a removed them from his hips so that he could grind way some more on my rigid length. I could feel my balls draw up into my body and they quivered with delicious intent.  I wanted to get inside of him. I wanted to feel what it is like to bury myself in his hot little body and have him ride me to the end. But even I knew we needed to be prepared and have lubricant and condoms on hand.

 I tried to stop him to ask if he had anything like that here, but the when I opened my eyes all of my words froze in my throat at the sight of him gyrating on top of me. He was absolutely stunning lost in the heat of the moment, and sexy as hell. His movements became frantic and choppy and he moaned out his pleasure. And God damn, he took my breath away.

 I brought my hand up and wrapped it around his considerable length and pumped him as I would myself.  He rewarded my efforts by sitting straight up and throwing his head back to groan with utter delight. I continued to work his member with my pumping fist to the pace he set as he continued to roll his hips on top of me. The angle changed with his change of position and my cock was caught firmly in between his ass cheeks, and with every rocking motion of his suggestive thrusts, the blunt tip of my dick bumped against his hot pinched entrance.

 The next thing I knew was that I felt this overwhelming pressure build from the tips of my toes, it ran up both my legs and shivered through my thighs. My balls quivered and a heat so great shot through me it caused my vision to blur and I felt like I was exploding from the inside out. The head of cock pulsed and exploded in the warmth of his crease and Royce’s body bucked and he screamed out my name, his cock pulsed once, twice, and then it erupted in my hand. His cum shot out line after line as his release painted my chest and abdomen, and my balls churned and pumped out the last of my spine tingling release.

 Completely emptied and almost delirious, I let my hands fall away from his hips and he slumped forward onto my chest. We were both panting like we had just run a marathon. I was in complete awe of this man, and I could feel my eyes burn with scalding tears. Never in all the time that I was being used by those men did I get or take any pleasure in it. But this man, this beautiful Angel had managed to make me feel like I was on top of the world, and without even penetrating his luscious body either. My emotions got the best of me and I released a ragged breath and I threw my arm over my wet eyes.

 I felt Royce lean up and he tugged at my arm until he managed to pull it away from my face. He asked me if I was alright with what just happened and I couldn’t find the words to explain to him. I was totally overwhelmed, but it was in a good way so I just nodded at him. He seemed to understand the depth of my emotions at the moment. He leaned back and grabbed the towel at the end of the bed. He gently wiped off the evidence of both his pleasure and mine from our bodies and then he settled back down onto my chest. I just laid there with one arm over my head and the other caressing the soft skin of his back and we cuddled through our post coital bliss.

 Words could not explain or never be enough to explain how I cared for this man. I loved him with all that I had in me and I hoped to hell that he loved me too, because I couldn’t see a future without him in it. I just laid there totally blissed out in his warmth and let the combined scents of our skin and our lovemaking lull me into a light trance of love and affection. Nothing, absolutely nothing was better than this, the feeling of the man I love wrapped up protected and safe on my arms.

Chapter 14

Chapter 14

(safety first----->)

The man was trying to give me heart failure, I was sure of it. Ever since that erotically hot morning in my sleep room, Isaac has become so bold and so sensual with me. It was a joy to see because it showed how far he has come in his recovery, but it was embarrassing at times. Isaac’s actions proved to me that he has a wickedly mischievous side too, and it seems he took the greatest pleasure in catching me unawares to whisper something extremely naughty; borderline obscene of what he wants to do to me and my body. His lascivious behavior usually caused me to blush bright red and he would just smile like he won gold medal and strut off to either study for his classes or to continue with his daily chores.

A prime example of his exasperating but extremely arousing misconduct happened just last night after my group session with a few of the other patients here. I was standing at the Nurses’ Station writing my notes while Flora and Richard were making their final rounds out on the floor before lights out, and Isaac had took the opportunity before his door closed for the night to come to the station.

He knew at that time of the evening the desk was empty except for me when I was here charting on my patient’s records after group, and that everyone else would be busy with their last minute checks before bedtime. So he had come up to the Nurses’ Station, and after making sure we were alone he had cornered me against the counter. His front was to my back and used the tip of his hot wet tongue to trace the shell of my ear causing my entire body to ignite almost instantaneously.

Isaac had continued to add fuel to my fire by grinding his impressive hard on against my butt. And in that little space of time he had worked me into a mindless puddle of goo right there pinned between the counter and his hot body. He continued on for a few more delirious minutes before we had heard footsteps coming down the hall. And Isaac had just planted a kiss on the side of my neck before easing his much taller frame away from mine and walked off towards his room with his hands in pocket and quietly whistling, leaving me standing there shivering and turned on beyond belief.

I had wound up cursing him all the way home to my cold shower. He knew that I wasn’t staying at the Institute because I was on call for Hospital patients and outpatient referrals, so it was prudent thinking to stay at my house, which was closer to the Hospital.

I was bound and determined to get him back for days of making my cock so hard that it would throb in sync with the beating of my heart. We haven’t had time to spend together since that eventful morning in my room and he was tempting me beyond belief. I found myself thinking about dragging him off into a broom closet or something, but I had to have restraint. Isaac’s was still recovering slowly but surely, and I didn’t want to be too aggressive with him. It might trigger unpleasant memories for him. But I had plans for my naughty boy and just the thought made me grin with delight. Tomorrow was Saturday and it will be my turn on call for the Institute for the entire weekend, therefore spending the weekend there was no big deal. And most importantly, it wouldn’t draw any unwanted attention.

Leaning my head back I felt the early fall breeze muss my hair as it blew through the opened window of my car as I drove towards the Institute. When cooler temperatures this morning forced me to pull out my jacket this morning that was when it had hit me. It’s been almost a year since Isaac was brought to the Institute and he was going to be due for a Court Hearing soon. The court wanted a progress report on his treatment and mental status. And soon I would have to slowly begin walking Isaac through his memories of his captivity day by day right up until the night of the incident in hopes of triggering the repressed memory of the events of that night.

I have already explained this to him and I really wasn’t looking forward to it because I was going to make him recall every minute detail and painful event of his abuse. I definitely didn’t even want to hear all of it, but it was necessary for his freedom and to get justice against those men involved in his violation. And if it didn’t work I would have to try hypnotism, which would be extremely tricky because of the courts issues with the credibility of the practice. If they can’t see it, feel it, smell it, taste it, or touch it, otherwise they tended not to believe it. So I really wanted my first method to work, although I loathed putting Isaac through that again, but it was vital that he remember.

I shook my head finding it ironic that I have fallen for a 21 year old man, even though I was still considered young at 28 going on 29 and not just any 21 year old, but my patient as well. The Fates were definitely working in mysterious ways.  I refused to question it at all because I have found the love of my life and I refused to give him up for anyone or anything.

 It was early morning and the sun was just barely peeking over the horizon when I reached the Institute. I parked my car in the garage. I had everything I needed with me and I wasn’t planning on going back out until it was time to go home Sunday night or early Monday morning. My smile got wider and wider when my mind ran on the special items packed away in the contents of my overnight bag. My man liked to tease but I was going to show him what teasing was really all about.

There was I reason I came here as early as I did. First and foremost I needed to get Isaac to my room for what I had in mind; we needed privacy for what I had in mind.  Secondly, I needed to get him to my room unseen by the other patients and most of the staff. The only ones that were up and about at this time were the ones I trusted implicitly with the knowledge that Isaac and I were in a relationship, and those people were Flora and her team. Richard and Brad were on duty until 8 a.m. so I had plenty of time to wake Isaac up and hustle him to my room.

I made my way through the quiet facility and to my room without seeing another soul other than security one the first floor. I got to my office and I went through the door in the bookcase and into my sleep room. It was spotless and I quickly put my things away and my items of interest in their designated places.

I jumped a little when the elevator loudly dinged in the ultra quiet hallway. The sound seemed almost too obnoxious for the peaceful foyer. I should have taken the stairs, I thought as I stepped into the car and it dinged blaringly loud once again before it shuttled me upwards to the third floor.

I didn’t expect Isaac to be wide awake, completely dressed, and waiting for me in front of the lift. So when the doors swooshed open and I went to step out into the hallway, I looked up just a split second too late and my face smashed right into the middle of Isaac’s chest with a muffled “oomph.” His huge arms just wrapped around my slight frame and hugged me close his warm muscular body for a minute while muttering an apology before he leaned me backwards and gave me a good once over to make sure that I wasn’t hurt in any way.

Chuckling could be heard from down the hall and I leaned to the side to look around behind Isaac’s towering frame to see the lovebirds Richard and Brad watching the entire scene play out in front of them. I just stuck out my tongue to their gleeful and delight and refocused my attention on my man. I almost started giggling because Isaac was standing there practically vibrating with anticipation. He looked like one of those cute puppies that you left alone too long and he was ecstatic to see you when you got home.

He took my hand that was still holding the keycard and passed it over the locking mechanism and released the lock on the elevator doors. I just shook my head and held on for the ride as he eagerly dragged me back into the empty lift. And the minute the door closed he had me pinned up against the wall with my arms above my head and his face in my neck. A shiver of delight racked my frame making me shudder against his warm solid frame.

“Hmm…I couldn’t wait for today to come. I missed having you in my arms.” He whispered from where his face rested under my chin, and I melted further into him as his warm breath skimmed the sensitive skin of my throat.

I was snug as a bug in a rug cuddled into his arms safe and warm, but if he thought this was all it was going to take to make me forgive and forget days of leaving me wanting and hard, he was sadly mistaken. I just went with the flow because there was nowhere better for me than being in his arms. I readily admitted to that, but I had grand plans for my man. It was going to be and erotic afternoon for the both of us.

We were deposited on the second floor and Isaac wasted no time at all in shuffling me down the hallway towards my office. He was more than eager to get this show on the road and I found his excitement to be with me very arousing as well as very flattering. My belly did a little flip and my spirit soared with that little bit of knowledge. The only time there was a pause in his determined stride was when we got to the bookcase where he came to a stop and he looked expectantly at me waiting for me to open the door. So I just reached in and release the lever to let the portal swing open.

Once inside he turned to gather me into his arms but I stepped back and held a hand up. It was my show now and I would be the only one calling the shots from here on out. He tilted his head to the side curiosity shining in his gaze and he looked so adorable, but I stood firm. “Baby you have been mean to me.” I stated as I carefully watched to see how he was going to react to my words.

His eyes widened when he realized that I was being serious because I kept my expression stoic and straightforward. He opened his mouth to say something, but I held my hand up to stop him.

“You have been relentless in catching me unawares and messing with me, and I believe that the only way you can show me that you are sincerely sorry is for you to let me have my way today and do as I ask.” I stated and walked around his now frozen form as I prepared to take next step in my plan.

Stepping into his personal space I made a slow circuit around his body making sure my hip brushed against his groin in passing, and that I pressed a little against his back during my slow rotation around his larger frame. I heard him take a deep breath and when I came to a stop in front of him, I coyly looked up at him from under my lashes. He looked so damn hot with his lips slightly parted and those half lidded smoldering blue eyes.

 I took him by the hand and led him over to the armchair that I had placed in front of the bed earlier. He didn’t utter a word, but his eyes went wide when I began removing his clothing. He went to help me but I gently batted his hands away and I sternly said him. “No touching, unless I tell you otherwise.” And he immediately dropped his hands to his side once again.

  For minute I questioned myself, unsure if making him sit still while I dominated him a little, would interfere with his treatment? Will I send his fragile mind back into remembered memories about being ordered around by his Stepfather and his other abusers? He seemed okay, his breathing was a little accelerated and that was normal given the circumstances, and most of all he showed no signs of wanting me to stop what I was doing.

 So I reached his pants and slowly pulled them down his massive thighs. I followed them down with my chest making full contact against his hot flesh as I sank to my knees. His skin was hot, like his blood was on fire underneath his skin. I was even more encouraged when my knees sank into the plush carpet in front of him, and his mouth watering erection was bobbing enticingly in my face. I leaned forward and pushed my face right into his crotch and inhaled his clean scent mixed with a hint of his personal musk. His hands went to grab my hair but he dropped them back at the last minute, and he let out a frustrated groan that turned into a hiss when I licked the underside of his balls.

 Isaac thrust his hips forward clearly inviting me to do more, but I put both hands on his hips and pushed him back right into the seat of the chair. He plopped down ungracefully and glared his annoyance at me but his expression quickly changed when I stood and started to remove my own items of clothing. His eyes followed every move that I made and they burned a path over every inch of skin that I revealed to him.

 His hands clenched into fists on his thighs and his breathing accelerated when I stepped out of my last remaining item of clothing, my underwear. I stood there completely naked a bared to him. I let my hand travel slowly from my chest to my rock hard erection and I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth and gave myself a long luscious stroke from root to tip. The expression on Isaac face was priceless and his own hand found his found his rigid cock and he mirrored my movements as he stroked himself.

 A near animalistic growl escaped his mouth when I let myself go and stepped forward into the space between his spread muscular thighs. I placed my hands on his shoulders to brace myself as I leaned forward and used the tip of my tongue to give his delicious plump bottom lip a teasing little lick. He went to grab my hips but I moved back out of his reach and wagged my finger at him, silently reminding that he was not to touch me yet and he growled again and threw himself back into the chair.

 Smiling, I made my way around to the head of the bed and opened the drawer of the bedside table. I pulled out the items I had placed in there earlier and put them on of the top nightstand. I watched as Isaac sat straight up giving me his full attention when he saw what I was holding in my hand. I waved the bright red eight inch vibrator at him before climbing onto the bed. I reached over for the little bottle of lube and popped the top and turned it upside down to let a few drops dribble out on the dildo.

 Isaac sat there mesmerized as I rubbed my hands all over the phallus, thoroughly coating it with the slippery fluid. I held it one hand I spread my thighs wide and poured some more lube over my throbbing cock, letting the lubricant leak around and under my balls. He was practically panting now and he had a white knuckled grip on the armrests of the chair.

 All you could hear in the room was our fractured breathing and the wet squishing sound of the lube as I lathered myself up for my man’s visual pleasure. His eyes got wider and he leaned forward when I went to stroke the vibrator against my balls. I made slow circles around them while slowly stroking my shaft up and down. I whimpered as I used the fake cock to tease around my quivering entrance and spread my legs wider giving him a clear view of the action.

 Isaac got up from the chair and kneeled down at the end of the bed and tightly clasped his hands together as he leaned on his elbows. He face and his vision were right in line with my crotch and he watched completely focused on the dildo now disappearing into my tight hole. Once it was buried inside I flipped the little switch and groaned out loud as the vibrations against my prostate caused my thighs to tremble and my back to arch clear off the bed.

  A surprised gasp escaped my lips when I felt the phallus being withdrawn then pushed back into my channel. My eyes popped open to see Isaac leaning over me with one hand over mine on the dildo and the other on my knee as settled onto his knees at my side. I let go leaving only his hand on the vibrator and threw my hands over my head to let him play to his heart’s content.

  He picked up the pace and with every thrust he slammed right into that little bundle of nerves deep inside of me and I swear I was going to lose my damn mind. I lost the ability to control my limbs and I writhed all over the bed as he continued to drive the vibrator in and out of my body. I couldn’t take it anymore and I batted his hands away effectively dislodging the phallus from my ass with an audible pop.

 I reared up and took Isaac down onto the mattress, he landed flat on his back and I quickly scampered over his hips and smashed our mouths together. His tongue pierced my lips and explored every corner of my mouth. I felt like I was burning from deep with my core. I needed this man more than I need air to breathe. I wanted him inside of me, and I wanted it now. It took all that I had to push away from him, and with shaking hands I reached around until I found the condom I placed on the bed.

 “Are you okay with doing this now?” I whispered to him. I had to make sure that he was alright. I would wait forever for him until he was ready if necessary. There was no way that I was going to push him beyond what he was comfortable with.

 “Baby after that show you put on. I have to get inside of you…please” He whispered and I could feel my blood surge painfully into my already pulsing cock and my ass clenched with anticipation. I ripped the wrapper open with my teeth and I had to take a calming breath to roll the condom onto his considerable length. Once it was on he held up a hand and ran his fingers over my cheek as I positioned myself over him.  His eyes blazed into mine and air hissed through his teeth and I bore down on the bulbous head of his shaft.  

 His cock slowly penetrated through the ring of nerves that quivered around the girth of his shaft as I took him inch my delicious inch deep into my body. My eyes rolled back into my head and Isaac started muttering my name like a prayer. His fingers gripped my hips so hard that I knew I would have bruises from it but I didn’t care.

 The burn if his rigid shaft stretching my ass open had me mewling and whimpering as I fully seated myself on his cock. I went completely still, panting as I let myself assimilate to his intrusion. The feeling was beyond words when I started to move. It was a gentle pace at first, but the more Isaac started voicing his pleasure and with the look of absolute awe on his face, I began to ride him in earnest.  My hips grinded away on him and he started thrusting upwards countering my movements and my entire body felt like it was on fire. I was burning from the inside out and I couldn’t take it.

 I thrashed and squirmed on top of him and when his whole body tensed I knew he was right on the edge of his completion and I increased my pace. My turgid cock bobbed in between us and I grabbed hold of it and began to stoke myself in time to our rapid mating. I felt my balls draw up and I exploded when Isaac’s body bucked and he threw his head back and screamed his release to the high heavens.

 I felt like I was having a seizure, that it was a never ending body spasm as I continued to come long and hard. Semen spurted from my cock like an erupting volcano and even when there was nothing left my body still jerked with the aftershocks.  And after a few more minutes my entire body went limp and Isaac caught me as I collapsed onto his chest. He rubbed his lips over my forehead and held me in his trembling embrace.

 I could feel his hot tears on my cheek and concerned I leaned back to look at him. I went to open my mouth, but he just whispered “thank you” and pulled me back down onto his chest and held me tight like he never wanted to let me go. And to be honest I never wanted to be let go. This man was mine and I was his, it was just that simple.

  What we just shared between us was just sex, it was love making because it was born and shared out of my love for him, and even if he hasn’t said the words to me, I knew from his actions and the reverence in his touch that he love me too.

Chapter 15

Chapter 15

 (Mr Siegel---------->)

 
 

 The outside world had disappeared for us during the entire weekend we spent holed up in Royce’s sleep room. My love was currently curled up and cuddling so sweetly into my side. His head was on my shoulder and his arms were wrapped tightly around my waist. Our legs were tangled together under the sheets with our naked bodies sharing the heat we were both generating. My mind was still blown and I was still flying high with the feelings he had created within me when we made love all day yesterday and again in the early morning hours if this morning.

 My God, I have never experienced anything like this. My body heated up with the memory of how it felt to slide my cock deep into his body, the feel of his tight hot chute clenching around my member. The almost painful milking action along the length of my shaft when he orgasms, clenching me so tight almost making it impossible for me to move inside of him…I mean damn. Never in my life would I have thought that I would equate the act to sex as something that I would find pleasurable, not after what HE and his friends have done to me. But Royce, my love, my man has managed to make the act as beautiful and awe inspiring as possible.

 My baby mumbled something in his sleep and squeezed me a little tighter as he snuggled more firmly into my side and I couldn’t help but smile at his cuteness. I thanked my lucky stars that he had made his way into my life because I think that I would have died… I gasped and shot straight up in bed and slapped my hand over the spot where the pain shot through my forehead. My mind latched onto a blurry memory but like lightening it was gone before I could grasp what it was.

 I groaned with the ache that suddenly accompanied it. It was like a picture that was out of focus and you were straining to make out the details, but before I could the image was gone. But God Damn, my head hurt and I did groan out loud as my temples throbbed.

 “What’s the matter baby?” Came the quiet but concerned question from my Angel, I managed to open my eyes to peek over at him to see his beautiful sleep flushed face looking up at me with care and concern shining in his pretty blue eyes. I felt bad to have jostled him out of his sleep like that.

 “I am sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up, it’s just a headache.” I said and he sat up and rubbed a soothing hand over the back of my neck.

 “I’ll get you something for the headache, and then we can shower and get some breakfast. Once you have eaten you will be okay.” He said and he went to get up but I stopped him. I think this was more than a simple headache. It had come on so sudden and with that blurry picture in my mind. So I told him that, I explained the quick onset of the headache and the residual pain it left behind.

 He asked me what was I thinking about right before I felt the pain and I flushed a little because I was thinking I would have probably died if he hadn’t come into my life, and I told him and he got real quiet. My anxiety level spiked just a little bit at his stillness. I watched as he took a deep breath and his pretty blue orbs locked onto my eyes.

 “Isaac, I love you.” He said and my heart skittered to an absolute stop in my chest and all thoughts of death and headaches flew out of my mind and I stared at him slack jawed. I was absolutely ecstatic as his words sank into my psyche. He loved me, it was there plain as day on his face and in his touch.

 Then I had no clue what came over me because I released an almost animalistic growl and I lunged for him, taking him down onto the rumpled bed and planted kisses all over his face. I fit my body in between his firm thighs and ground my rock hard member against him, and I felt his cock begin to stir to life next to mine. I eased back to separate my lips from his skin and I brushed his hair out of his beautiful eyes and just looked at him. This man owned me, and I had to kiss his sweet lips as gently as I could and told him that I loved him too.

 I ran my hands all over his face as my body gently moved against his. I knew he was too sore after basically fucking him through the mattress this morning, but I needed to feel him against me, just to make sure that this Angel was real. He had teared up at my words and I pecked his trembling pink lips as I wiped them away. God, he was stunning.

 We laid there sharing our feelings and light caresses and sweet kisses for God knows how long before I heard his stomach grumble, so I hauled him off of the bed with me and he giggled as I carried him bridal style into the bathroom. He immediately went to the shower when I had placed his feet on the ground and I just watched that cute bubble butt move and sway as he adjusted the water. I couldn’t help myself and I reached out to caress the curve of his sexy ass. His skin was nice and warm and I gave him a gentle pat on his left cheek.

 He yelped and turned around to stick out his little pink tongue at me. I chuckled and lunged at him. We landed in the shower stall with him pressed between the cold tiles and my chest. He bucked and squirmed as I tickled his sides until he was gasping for breath and tears were running down his face. It was only then that I stopped and gathered him into my arms to give him a quick peck on the lips.

 We washed every inch of each other’s bodies. It was one of the most sensual experiences of my life and damn, if I could start everyday like this my life would be absolutely perfect. But all too soon it was back to reality as we got dressed and made our way back to the third floor. The slight slump in Royce’s shoulders told me he wasn’t looking forward to ending our weekend escapades either.

 When we were just stepping off the elevator when there was a buzzing sound coming from Royce’s belt and he looked down at his cell phone before unclipping it from the holder. He frowned at the number and went to answer the call. So I decided to give him some privacy, besides I could smell the breakfast trays from all the way down here. So I caught his eye while he was listening to whatever the person on the other line was saying to let him know I was going to get us some food. And he nodded his understanding before continuing his conversation. He had looked a little worried and I sure hoped that everything was alright; maybe his call concerned a patient or something.

 I got to the desk to find Nurse Flora delegating responsibilities of the shift to the daytime staff. Richard and Brad had long since disappeared to their room to sleep after having watched over the manor all night. I didn’t want to interrupt so I just quietly shuffled my way to my room. I didn’t want to draw any attention to myself or to Royce because I was sure that what I felt for my love radiated all over my face whenever I looked at his beautiful face. I had to make it a point to tease him some more just to see what he would retaliate with, because that little show he had put on was hot as hell. Just the thought had my hand flying to my crotch as my dick tried to wake up and put its feelings in on the subject too.

 I sat down at my desk and powered up my laptop. I had one more assignment to finish for my class and then I was done with my prerequisite courses. Now I had to choose what I wanted my major to be and work towards whatever degree I chose. Emmett and I had several conversations about it. He was so sure that I was going to be set free and he wanted me to go into one of our many family businesses, but I wanted to do something else. I wanted to become an Attorney. A Lawyer that specialized in child advocacy, I wanted to help the children out there to have a voice.

 My Aunt had thought it was a great idea and between her and Royce they had researched plenty of homes and Government services that needed more Advocates for children that have been abused or taken from neglectful families and the like. But I had to gain my freedom first. 

 In the beginning I had just wanted to forget everything, I didn’t want to deal with it, but now I had Royce. I loved him with every cell in body and I wanted nothing more than to be with him out in the open, for the world to see how I loved that man and how he loved me. But as much as I was trying, I couldn’t bring the memory of that night back.

 “Hey Baby.” The sweet voice called out to me and effectively brought me out of my head. I turned to see Royce standing in the doorway holding a heavy tray of food. I immediately shot to my feet and covered the space necessary to take the tray from him to place it on the table.

 He followed me and we both took a seat at the table and uncovered the food and my mouth watered at the sight of all my favorites. But I looked up and all thoughts of food disappeared when I saw the look of concern on Royce’s face and I asked what was wrong.

 I took his hand feeling the smoothness of his skin as I ran my thumb over his warm knuckles and asked him again what was wrong. He gave me a sad little grin and brushed his hair out if his eyes with his free hand.  He told me that the call he just received was from Mr. Siegel. He went on to explain about the fact that the Lawyer had submitted his Investigators reports on the findings concerning that man and HIS friends.

 Royce took another deep breath and went on to share his views on the possibility that the horrid son of a bitch may have targeted me all along, and he was possibly involved in the death of my Mother. And that little bit of news had me flying out of my chair. I paced over to the window as guilt and shame washed over me.

 I was so eager to have the cookie cutter perfect family that my Mom had probably picked up on it and started dating. As a matter a fact I could remember asking her for a new Daddy like all of my friends had and this is what I got for my efforts; a sadistic son of a bitch that killed her to get to me, and years of torture at HIS hands. Tears of loss and pain burned in the back of my eyes and a ball formed in my throat, almost choking me.

 I felt Royce press himself against my back and his arms wrapped around my waist. I let the warmth radiating off of him seep into my chilled bones.

 We stood there like that and he went on to tell me that the Judge had issued an arrest warrant for the two men and that they were both taken into custody last night. He wanted me to be prepared to go to the Police station, because I was going to have to positively I.D. the men as the ones involved in my abuse so that they could be charged accordingly. And my body stiffened, I didn’t want to ever lay eyes on those men again. It was hard enough when they were smirking at me during my own court case. I had kept my eyes glued to the table where I was sitting the whole time in order not to look at them, but I could still hear their voices and they had spewed their lies.

 The only thing I could manage to do was shake my head at Royce because I couldn’t find the words to tell him I still feared them and what they represented. But he must have guessed somehow because he gently took my hand and led me over to the bed. He then closed my room door and he climbed into my lap and straddled my thighs. His fingers found their way into my hair and began combing through it. It felt so soothing and I closed my eyes and relaxed into his touch.

 He said that it was alright for me to feel the fear, but I had to rise above it. Those men were locked up and they needed to remain locked up. He continued to say that I needed justice against the crimes against me and especially against my Mother’s memory. He knew exactly what to say to calm my racing heart. He convinced me that it was the right thing to do and that it was yet another stage in my recovery to see those men charged and held accountable for what they did to me. And in the end I agreed with him, he made me feel like I could do anything with his unwavering support. I asked him if he would go with me and he assured me that he would be there every step of the way.

 So that is how I found myself shaking like a damn leaf in the wind as I stepped out of the van bright and early Monday morning flanked by Royce as well as Brad and Richard. I was not restrained, but our party was met by two Officers seeing that I was still in custody per se as an Institutionalized patient still under observation by the court.  We were escorted inside and I was surprised to see my Aunt as well as Emmett waiting there for me and I choked up a bit because I knew this was Royce’s doing. He had wanted me surrounded by love and support throughout all of this.

 We were all placed on some sort of conference room and after a while the door opened and Mr. Siegel came into the room. He shook Royce’s hand then mine and Emmett’s. He nodded a hello to my Aunt and took a seat. He explained what was going to happen, he said that in the I.D room it will only be me, the lawyers involved for all parties, and the Officers that were standing outside the door and I immediately felt a shiver of alarm and looked to Royce. I didn’t want to be in there by myself and he saw my panic and he said something to Mr. Siegel and Emmett brow furrowed and he squeezed my hand in support.

 Mr. Siegel nodded his head in understanding and asked for us to give him a minute. He stepped out of the room and was gone for what seemed like forever. I so wanted Royce to take me in his arms and run his fingers through my hair, but I knew this was not the venue for it. We had to keep up the image of Doctor and patient for all propriety sake and I hated it. I just needed his comfort and his touch. He seemed to have picked up on it because his eyes never wavered from mine, as if he was silently willing his strength into me and I loved him all the more for it.

 Mr. Siegel finally made it back into the room and he said that it would be okay especially for my mental health if my Doctor accompanied me into the room, but Royce was to stay in the back as to not to influence me in anyway. And I let a sigh of relief, just knowing that he was going to be in there with me made the entire ordeal more bearable for me.

 A few minutes later we were called to go into another room. This one had a huge window against one wall and Mr. Siegel explained to me that it was an one way window. I would be able to see the occupants on the other side, but they would not be unable to see me, but I was still a ball of nerves. My hands shook and my mouth went dry, and I could feel the sweat running down the back of my neck. There was a line of uniformed bodies between me and where Royce was standing in the back of the room and I so wanted to go to him, but I remained rooted to the spot where I was standing.

 Two other men entered the room and I assumed they were the men’s Lawyers by the looks of heir suits and their briefcases that they placed by the door before stepping up. Mr. Siegel greeted them and they looked over at me but I refused to make eye contact with them. I just wanted to get this over with.

 All too soon the lights in the room dimmed and I could feel my breathing hitch in the darkened room. A bright light came on and shined through the window in the wall and standing under the fluorescent lights were a line of men. My hands clenched at my side and my jaw locked up on me and I just kept my gaze on the window frame. I was willing the panic that threatened to overwhelm me to go away. Then Mr. Siegel’s voice penetrated my musings. He told me to step forward and choose two numbers over the head of the men that I recognized as my alleged abusers.

 It took me a few moments but he squeezed my elbow and urged me forward.  The room seemed eerily quiet except for my fractured breathing. I started to sweep the line of men from left to right and my heart lurched in my chest. “Num…number three…” I whispered past the lump in my throat as I looked at the mountain of man standing there staring off into space like he didn’t have a care in the world. He looked no different from when I would see his face as he glared at me while he used my body, telling me I was a good little slut and how he loved fucking my tight ass.

 A shiver of disgust racked my body but I forced myself to continue. My eyes travelled down the line and I literally choked when I came to number nine. It was like the son of bitch was staring right me and I remembered those beady ass eyes as….”Ugh” I croaked out and doubled over holding my head. The pain that seared from one to temple to the other almost made me vomit as I crumpled to the floor.

 A swirl of bodies surrounded me and I heard Royce pushing through them calling my name as he knelt at my side. It was like he was speaking to me from far away and my vision blurred. “Number nine; he was the one with HIM when they tried to kill me.” I rasped out and I shook my head as the memories came flooding back into my aching head. It was like the reels of a movie as the scenes played out in my head; the night I murdered HIM. He had come to me drunk and weaving all over the place. His friend, number nine was with him and he was obscenely rubbing his crotch when they turned on the light in that rank basement.

 HE had began rambling that I was getting too old and that even shaving me couldn’t keep me looking like a young boy anymore. HE had said it was time to get rid of me and move on to hunt for better prospects. HIS friend had smirked and said that they should get a good fuck out of me one more time before they did it and that he wanted me to suck his dick. They had spent hours doing just that but when I refused to open my mouth the friend had smacked me so hard my head hit the wall behind me with a sickening thud. He had proceeded to pee all over my face instead.

 I was dazed when I felt them untying my arms and they had dragged me over onto what looked like a shower curtain. The friend rolled me over onto my stomach and straddled my back holding my arms behind me as HE stepped up with a length of rope and wrapped it in his fist and he wobbled over. They were both still drunk and I panicked even more with each step that HE had taken towards me… HE meant to strangle me to get rid of me so he could find some other innocent little child to do this to and I had snapped.

 Strength that I didn’t know I possessed took hold of my muscles and I bucked the friend off my back. He went flying into the wall and his head cracked into the concrete and he had slumped to the ground. HE came barreling towards me but I stepped to the side and grabbed the first thing I could, it was a discarded leg of a chair of some sort. He had landed on all fours on the ground and he was shaking his head as if to clear and I just lifted my arm and I hit him and continued hitting him for every shitty, degrading, painful, and torturous thing he has ever done to me.  I think that was when I separated from my reality and I hit him until I couldn’t anymore……I sat there huddled on the cold floor and whimpered as tears ran down my face.

 Royce was calling my name and the Officers had cleared the room. Brad and Richard were on the other side of my curled up body and Royce had them call for the Paramedics. He wanted to take me in, but I shook my head. Hiccupping, I told him I was fine. I told him to get Mr. Siegel and an Officer.  And he shouted out my request to someone standing in the doorway.

 I sat up with Brad and Richard’s help. I felt Royce mopping my face with his handkerchief and I could see the effort it was taking for him to remain professional, so I sucked it up. My head still throbbed painfully but I had to get it out. Mr. Siegel stepped through the door as well as another Officer that was originally in the room.

  I looked at Royce’s concerned face then up at Mr. Siegel. “I remember, I remember what happened that night. Seeing that man number nine… I remembered because he was there, he was going to help HIM to kill me because I was getting too old, HE had said that he was going to look for a better prospect and I couldn’t let HIM do it. They had used me again and afterwards they had untied me and spread me out on a piece of plastic, they were going to use a piece of rope to strangle me, but I had fought back and I just snapped.” I explained and looked around the room.

 Royce had to look away from me but he had tears shimmering in his eyes. Richard was all out bawling and Brad jaw was clenched so tight I thought it would snap. The Officer was scribbling away furiously in his note pad and Mr. Siegel came over and placed his hand on my shoulder. He told me that I did well and he looked over to Royce and told him he should take me back and that he would get my statements to the Judge as soon as possible.

 They all helped me get to my feet and even the Officers patted me on my back as I passed by them. When we got to the van, Brad got behind the wheel and Richard in the passenger seat. Royce got into the back with me and we barely managed to pull away from the curb before I lunged for him. I needed to be in his arms and as they wrapped around me I let all go and I cried out all the hurt and pain for that lost little boy that I once was. Finally now his nightmare may come to an end.

Chapter 16

Chapter 16

 (Royce’s Ring----->)

 I knew he was nervous, I could tell by the way he was fidgeting in his chair and pulling on his tie as he sat next to Mr. Siegel.  We all were waiting for the Judge to enter the courtroom. Isaac had made such strides in his recovery and it was like the weight of the world has been lifted off his shoulders since he had fully regained his memory. It has been so hard for him and I have been helping him come to terms with everything, especially with the feelings of guilt over his Mother’s death.

 I had to explain to him time and time again that it wasn’t his fault. That responsibility lied squarely in the shoulders of his Stepfather, that his Stepfather was the sick twisted one and that he as a child had no way of knowing that or recognizing it until it was too late. Although he hated to hear it, I had to point out the fact to him and he was a victim. An innocent victim if a Sadistic pedophile and I made sure to tell him, to praise him for the fact that he survived.

 He had done what he needed to do in order to live. I explained him through the events of that night and the human’s basic instinct of fight or flight response to life threatening situations. It was self defense that prompted his actions, and that he should never be ashamed of standing up and fighting for his very life.

 In weeks leading up to this, his final hearing, he has come to terms with most of it and I was so proud of him. He was dealing with all of this extremely well, better than anyone would and I was in awe of just how strong my man really is.

 I was so sure that he was going to be set free today that I had Flora pack up his personal belongings and Brad had taken them to my house. Everything he needed was waiting for him there. I knew he was going to kick up a fuss but he now had half my closet and my dresser in my bedroom. My office now held half his stuff for school and his computers. We had spoken about every possible scenario of what he was going to do when the Judge granted him his freedom and the possibility of him coming to live with me appealed to him the most. Now I have to formally ask him after the hearing because he wouldn’t let me before he knew what his fate was going to be.

 He said that he wanted to get through today before he made any decisions. Emmett and his Aunt and a few other cousins were present in the court as well, and I knew that they wanted Isaac to go with them. I knew I was being a little selfish but I wanted Isaac at my side. He was free to come and go and visit whomever he wanted but he was my love, my reason for being. But if he chose to go back into the fold of his family, I wouldn’t get in his way.

 Soon enough we heard the “all rise” being announced by the uniformed Bailiff standing in the center of the courtroom. Everyone rose to their feet as the original Judge that had handled Isaac’s original case took a seat on the raised dais. He flicked his wrist and like the good citizens we were we took our seat and waited to hear what he had to say. Mr. Siegel had informed us that the process would be quick.

 The man made a show of going through the file stopping here and there to read the paperwork and shaking his head. Finally he raised his head and called the Attorneys’, Mr. Siegel and the Prosecutor up to his desk. And I could feel my anxiety spike, I didn’t realize that my leg was shaking until Richard slapped a hand on my knee and told me to relax, there was no way that any Judge in their right mind wouldn’t grant Isaac his freedom.

 After a brief conversation and a few hand gestures both Lawyer’s nodded and went back to their seat. Mr. Siegel leaned over to whisper something in Isaac’s ear and he just nodded and looked back at me and gave me his sexy little smirk. God, the man could melt me with just one glance.

 The Judge cleared his throat and addressed Isaac. Mr. Siegel stood and Isaac followed. The Judge went on to say that after reviewing the case, the new evidence, the arrest and charges of his alleged abusers, and my report on his mental health, he made the decision that he was to be immediately released from custody and that any and all charges for the Murder in the First Degree of Stanley Edgar Hudson are dropped. He proclaimed as an act of self defense. He went on to say that he was disgusted that Isaac had been put through so much for so long and that he sincerely hoped that he will be able to continue his remarkable recovery. And with final bang of his gavel, Isaac was free.

 The Judge made his leave of the room and Isaac hugged Mr. Siegel and then he turned and was bombarded by his family. I stayed back and let them have their time. I wasn’t going to intrude; I had time enough after the celebratory lunch Emmett had planned to talk to him about moving in with me. But the smile that split my face almost hurt for how wide it was. I was so pleased for him. I was almost giddy with relief.

 The only other hurdle left was the trial of two men, and Mr. Siegel said even that may not happen because it looked like the bastards were gearing to plead out. They were facing life in prison for their crimes and Mr. Siegel said the State Attorney who is a big advocate for children and single parents’ rights was throwing the book at them. It was going to either life in prison without the possibility of parole or 25 years or more with a plea deal, either way they were not going to be free to terrorize another child ever again.

 I slowly made my way to the front of the room and Richard went all diva on Isaac, not even Brad could reign him in as he burst into tears and threw himself in Isaac’s arms almost knocking him off his feet calling Isaac’s his “little babykins and how he was now a big boy going out into the world,” and wailed some more. Everyone laughed some more as Brad stepped up to unwrap Richard from around Isaac’s neck.

 I stood there with my hands in my pockets. I so wanted to rush my man and kiss those sweet lips but I didn’t know how he wanted to behave in front of his family. So when Isaac walked over to me and backed me up against the desk right there in front of all God and creation my eyes went wide as tears pooled behind my glasses. He reached for them and removed them from my face and gently folded them to put in his pocket.

 His big warm hands returned to my face and he cupped my cheeks and he leaned forward and claimed my lips in such a fashion that my entire body immediately ignited, and I felt the flash burn from the top of my head to the bottom off my feet. He kissed me with such passion that I was bent over backwards on the desk he had me cornered against. I was panting and our chest heaved as he finally separated his lips from mine.

 Everyone had gone absolutely quiet when he had cornered me and I stood there blinking in a daze when there was a sudden outburst of cat calls and whistles, and I flushed bright red as Isaac gathered me in his arms and I hid my face under his chin. With a kiss like that in front of everyone we knew there was no need to announce that we were an item, but my God was this man bold. And I loved him to pieces. He placed my glasses back on my face once I came out of hiding under his neck and took my hand as we left the courthouse.

 We all agreed to meet at the restaurant his family had chosen for lunch. Isaac followed me to my car and Brad and Richard was riding in van. So we separated from them in the parking lot. We got in my car and I went to start the engine but his hand on my arm stopped me and I turned towards him.

 “Before we get to my family and the questions are thrown out about what I am going to do next. I wanted you to be the first to know what my plans are.” He said and I could feel my pulse spiking. I wondered if he was going to choose to go out into the world on his own and explore. I mean I wouldn’t blame him; so much was taken from him. There were so many experiences in life he had missed out on, and I wished with everything in my soul that I could give him those life lessons back.

 “Royce I love you with everything in me, you came into my life and you fought for me, stuck by me when all I wanted to do was disappear. You made me see myself, helped me to find myself and made things that I never thought I would ever find any interest in pleasurable. I know my family has expectations of me moving to Texas to be closer to them, but that is not what I want and Emmett and my Aunt are aware of this. I want to be with you. I want to go on and get into Law School and I want to build a life with you.” He stated as he held my hand in his.

 I had to fight the lump that formed in my throat and I nodded my head at him and drew a deep breath and explained. “I was going to wait until after lunch to ask you to move in with me, to be with me as we traveled through this thing called life. I was worried that I was being selfish in wanting you all to myself, and then I worried some more that I should let you go out into the world and see and explore things on your own. And I was going to step aside if that is what your decision was going to be. But Isaac you are my life and my love and I would want nothing more than for us to make it together.” I was so relieved I knew I was babbling but I couldn’t help it.

 I found myself hauled over the console and into his lap as his delicious lips locked onto my own. He literally devoured me in the parking lot of the judicial building. And as much as I wanted to continue to savor his sweet kisses, he had people waiting for him. So I pushed away and reminded him about lunch and I smiled as he released a frustrated groan. I just giggled as I climbed back over to the driver’s side and fixed my clothes before heading off to meet up with the others.

 We made it the restaurant and it turned out to be an eventful afternoon celebrating the milestones that Isaac had overcome. Richard kept everyone entertained with his antics and I swear there were several times that I almost spewed my drink out of my mouth he was so outrageous and hysterical comments. It wasn’t until the end of the meal when deserts had been passed around and shared did Isaac stand up and he tap his dinner knife against his wine glass to get everyone’s attention.

 With all eyes now trained on him he took a deep breath and began his little speech. He thanked each and every person at the table for being there him and all the love that he felt they were generating for him today made his heart all the more lighter. He went on to say that if his Mother was here she would have been right there along with Richard joking and just being outrageous too. He confessed that he missed her and that she was the best. He thanked his Aunt and his cousin Emmett, and he reached down and took my hand.

 He told the entire table if not the entire restaurant that I was the love of his life, his home and his heart and that he was staying here in Atlanta with me, and that he was going to pursue his Law Degree. I had tears burning in the back of my eyes and he looked around the table and gave his cousin Emmett a wink and reached for something in his pocket. The whole table went quiet and I stopped breathing all together when Isaac pulled his chair away and got down on one knee at my side.

 “Royce, I love you. It’s as simple as that. You came to me when I was in a place filled with darkness and you dragged me kicking and screaming into the light. You refused to give up on me even after I had given up on myself. Your patience, your stubbornness, and your strength guided me to where I am today. You kept telling me how remarkable I am, but I am only that way because of you. You are my light and my rock, without you there will be no me. I want you in my life always and always by my side. Will you do me the supreme honor of marrying me?” He asked as he looked right into my eyes. His blue eyes burning with all the love he felt for me and mesmerized, I had no choice but to say, yes.

 “Yes.” I whispered through the tightness of my tear clogged throat. And I felt my entire body leave the chair as Isaac snatched me right out of my seat and squashed me against his much larger frame. I held on to his wide shoulders for dear life as all our friends and family clapped and wiped tears and blew their noses as he continued to twirl me around. When he set me back on my feet he pecked me on my lips and brought my hand up. He slipped a gold band with a beautiful diamond set right in the center. And whispered that it represented that I was the center of his world; God, could this man be anymore perfect I thought as I planted a long lusty kiss on those luscious lips of his.

 Everyone settled down and sat back around the table. Richard immediately started planning the wedding whether we liked it or not, and he was going to tell Flora as soon as he got back to Covington. I had stars in my eyes and the only person that had my attention at the moment was my stunning fiancé. Gosh, it was almost surreal.

 We said goodbye to our friends a family a short while later outside of the restaurant and He held my hand as he led me to the car. We were going to have get driving lessons for him but all of that will come in due time. I took the scenic route to my house and showed him the neighborhood of which he wasn’t paying the least bit of attention to as he played with my hair and my hand.

 Finally, I turned into my driveway and turned off the car. “Are you ready to see the inside if our home?” I asked him as he continued to run his fingers through my hair.

 “I am ready to begin living my life and doing with the most important person in it.” He said and my heart melted in my chest as he leaned forward and captured my lips in one of the sweetest kisses I have ever experienced in my life. He leaned back and winked at me as he got out of the car. I followed him and happily skipped to his side as he held his hand out for me and together we walked up the path towards our front door of our home, together. There was nothing left to analyze of Isaac, he had come so and his battle scars have healed and we did it together and will continue to do it together, from now and until death do us part.

The End

There will be one more part to this story the epilogue, I want to thank you guys for all your support and taking this journey with me, it was your comments and votes and general support that kept me going throughout this contest and I thank you. I am glad that you guys have enjoyed Royce’s and Isaac’s story and it is bittersweet that is has come to an end, but I got other works to catch up on and I love you guys. Thanks again.**

Epilogue

Epilogue

 

10 years later…

(Royce’s and Isaac’s new house---->)

 

 Parking my car in the driveway, I cut the engine and sat there for a minute and rolled my head on my shoulders to relieve some the tension. Damn, it’s had been a long day, but I was proud of myself because it was a good day. I managed to get young Simone emancipated from her abusive father and into the hands of her doting grandparents. The bastard had actually thought that the beautiful little girl was his property and was using her as a substitute for his wife. And between me and my bevy of investigators, we were able to prove it and the bastard was now where he belonged, in jail. The only drawback, it was late and I had promised Royce that I would have tried to be home from dinner and I had felt so bad to call and cancel, but I had to catch the Judge.

 I got out of the car and looked at our new house. It was a little after ten at night and the lights were off except for the exterior security lights. We had decided to get a larger house that could accommodate both Royce’s office and mine, there were many a nights since I started practicing law and opening my own office that had me and my team working long evenings and weekends at home on a case. And my wonderful husband, bless his heart, he was always so understanding and patient with me. That’s why I feel even more like crap, today was our five year anniversary and I had to cancel on dinner because we got the last minute emergency hearing for young Simone. He had just told me to do my thing and that he understood and that we could always celebrate over the weekend since we had made plans to go away to a cute little Bed and Breakfast in the country.

 I wasn’t empty handed though, I had his present in my briefcase, and it was a custom made ring with our wedding date and names engraved on the inside. I unlocked the front door and hurried to the close it again before the alarm could engage. I set my things down and dropped my keys on the table and took off my jacket as I made my way through the house. Everything was spotless and quiet. Climbing the stairs, I continued to pull off my tie and unbutton my shirt. I stepped into the master bedroom and stopped dead in my tracks, all the saliva in my mouth evaporated and the only thing I could do was stare wide eyed.

 My stunningly beautiful husband smiled at me and gave me a mischievous wink. His gorgeous slender body was laid out completely naked and on full display for my viewing pleasure. His flawless skin practically glowed in the soft light from the candles he had lit on the nightstands. And just like that my cock stood straight up behind my zipper and throbbed with its appreciation of the show in front of us.

 “Welcome home, honey.” He purred and he licked his pretty pink lips. My eyes couldn’t do anything other than to follow the path of his little wet tongue made over his plump bottom lip. I groaned low in my throat and practically shredded my clothes in my haste to get naked.

 A sigh of relief escaped my throat as I dropped my pants and my boxers, kicking out of them and ripping my socks off my feet. His gorgeous blue eyes heated with appreciation as I stalked over to the bed. I preened a little bit with pride in his blatant appreciation of my body. I still managed to work out often to keep myself in shape. I was more toned and had more muscle mass on my frame. And my love told me time and time again how much he loved my body. We spent days and hours on end just petting each other and noting inflamed me more than the feeling of his soft hands running over every inch of my body.

 He was slender and toned himself, but his body was much softer than mine and his smaller frame was a perfect fit to my larger one. I loved the feel him snuggled against me, it was even better when he was splayed out under me as I loved on him, which was my addiction, and one that I happily indulged in whenever I had the chance.

 He lay back as I climbed onto the bed and crawled in between those sweetly spread thighs. His scent hit me square in the gut as I ran the tip of my nose up his warm inner thigh savoring his maleness the closer I got to my own personal heaven. He released a sexy little whimper that heated my blood even more and I wanted to hear more. So I took the tip of my tongue and licked the sweet smooth skin of his ball sack.

 My baby had taken to keeping himself bare down there and I adored it. I could slide my hands, my mouth, and my cock all over his smooth flesh and it was so damned erotic. God, I loved this man. He arched his back and stuttered my name when I tongued the length of that pretty prick, working my way to the engorged mushroomed head and sealed my lips around it. I groaned at his taste, that salty aphrodisiac of his pre-come as I sucked him into my mouth. I pressed my tongue into his slit and his hips bucked upwards driving his luscious cock further into my mouth.

 His hands found their way into my hair and he fisted them pulling me further onto his pulsing cock and I sucked him hard into the back of my throat. The little mewling noises he was making were driving my need for him even higher.

 I started bobbing my head and he started fucking my mouth to the pace I was setting. My cock throbbed and leaked continuously like a dripping faucet. I wrapped my hands around his thighs and continued to suckle on his velvety smooth prick like I was nursing from him. He was almost incoherent as he moaned and whimpered my name like it was a prayer. And I loved every minute of it. He was mine and I set out to show him that he was my entire world.

 I moved one hand to his ball sack and I began to gently roll them as I continued to suck him into the back of my throat. I felt them getting tight and I eased off his cock, giving it one last wet kiss before releasing it all together to sit back on my legs. He whined in protest but I just took him in my hand and stroked him from root to tip and watched with half lidded eyes as he writhed for me.

 “Yes, that’s it baby; I want to be buried deep inside that gorgeous body feeling that sweet little ass clamp down on my cock when you come.” I purred and he released another of those sweet whimpers at my words.

 With my free hand I reached for the lube on the bedside table and flipped the top. I turned he bottle upside down and squirted a stream of fluid right onto his pretty cock and let it dribble over his taint and quivering hole. I couldn’t wait to push through into his tightness. I flipped the cap back on and threw the bottle onto the nightstand. With my hand now free I rubbed the lube into his skin warming it as I continued to stroke him from root to tip with the other.

  I spread the excess lube all over my own aching member making sure I primed myself to slip into his body with as much ease as I could muster. Right now what I really wanted to do was to slam myself into his spasming chute all the way to the hilt and fuck him through the mattress. But I had to prepare him first; never would I consciously hurt my love.

 I slowly worked one finger into his heated channel and I moaned at how his ass just sucked my finger deep into his body. He keened and spread his legs wider when I found that shivering little gland and milked it with the tip of my finger. Royce threw his head back his mouth open in a silent scream and I just smirked and worked another finger into him, relentless as I poked and rubbed his prostate.

 The smell of his dripping cock ramping me up even more. He was open for me and I removed my finger and rubbed the head of my almost purple erection against his quivering hole. I gently pushed into heaven and my eyes rolled into the back of my head as I popped through that clenched ring of muscle and nerves. Royce screamed my name and his fingers scraped down the length of my back as I pushed through to the hilt, my balls coming to rest nicely against his.

 He gyrated under me and wrapped his legs around my waist. My man wanted it and I was going to give it him. I pulled back almost dislodging myself before snapping my hips forward impaling myself in his hot heat. I repeated this over and over as he writhed and screamed my name. Our bodies were slick with sweat and my jaw was clenched as I rode him.  My thrusts so powerful, I had to wrap my arms under his back and take hold if his shoulders to keep him from sliding into the headboard. I felt his entire body shudder underneath me and I knew he was close. I drove into him faster and I could feel the heat in my balls get hotter and hotter as they ripened for my release.

 Royce’s whole body tensed and his channel clamped almost painfully onto my shaft as it spasmed and milked the hell out of my cock, I could feel the heat of his release as it pulsed line after line out onto my abdomen and his chest. The feel of it triggered my own release and I thrust deep one more time before my balls erupted and I filled him with my very essence. My body jerked like I was having a seizure and I couldn’t even breathe as I continued to come deep inside the love of my life.

 My body gave one last shudder before I collapsed on top of him panting, sweaty and sated, his arms wrapped around me and I leaned in and pecked his sweet lips and told him that I loved him. We stayed like that just basking for a few more minutes before I hauled him into the shower with me and washed every inch if his beautiful skin. Once we were done I put him back to bed and ran downstairs for his gift.

 When I came back upstairs, I realized that I wasn’t the only one with a present. He was sitting in the middle of the bed with a wrapped box waiting for me. It was amazing how well my baby knew me, how well he could read me and know what I was feeling and thinking. I had always chocked it up to his profession. He was even more successful now, he had opened several more Institutes all over the state, one of them dedicated to children that I took a big part in, our lives were full and busy with my law practice and his Psychiatry practice, that I was contemplating taking on partners because my practice had gotten so big as a Juvenile Advocate Attorney.

  It was so sad that there was such a need for my services and I met several other Lawyers’ that would be excellent candidates should I decide to take on partners. Richard and Brad became indispensible at the Covington’s Children’s Center; they were still the dynamic duo. They married a year after we did and spoiled every child that came through those doors. Flora still ran the Institutes with an iron fist, she was now Regional Director and she over saw the three Centers, still a mother hen to everyone and we let her because we had no other choice.

 I saw my family several times a year and on one visit Emmett was introduced to Dr. Taylor Chandler, a pretty little woman that was one of the Royce’s partners that had tried to help me in the beginning when they had taken me into custody for killing that man. They had taken instantly to one another and my cousin was making it official, next February was their wedding.  I was happy and I thanked my lucky stars everyday for my man. I have dealt with the monsters of my past and laid them to rest in order to embrace my future, my husband, and my life. He was the main focus of my life.

 I took the ring out of the case and climbed onto the bed with him. I slid his original wedding band off and put it on my pinky finger and held up his new one for him to inspect telling him how much he means to me. His beautiful eyes shimmered with tears and I brushed them away before they could fall. He handed it back to me and I slipped it onto his finger and kissed it and smiled at him. He was so beautiful.

 He picked up his gift and practically pushed it into my breastbone and started bouncing with anticipation. I laughed and opened the box and I released a gasp as I pulled out the intricate silver frame. He had somehow managed to find a picture of me and my mother together. I was about six years old and I was sitting on her lap on the front porch of our house.

 I suddenly remembered he day like it was yesterday, my Aunt and Emmet were visiting. It was close to Easter time and my Aunt had snapped the picture, my mom was telling me about the Easter bunny hiding eggs and Emmett had shot off the porch to go look for them.

 “How?” I managed to choke out past the lump in my throat as the hot tears spilled from my eyes over onto my cheeks.

 “I asked your Aunt if she had any pictures of you two together. I wanted you to remember the good times with your mom and not the taint of what he caused in both your lives.” He explained as he wiped my tears away and I carefully laid the picture onto the bed and grabbed him up into my arms, crushing him against my chest and thanked him. I held him close to my heart where he belonged, this man was my everything and I was his and looked forward to spending the rest of my life right here beside him, forever.

thank you guys for taking this trip with me in writing this story, I feel very proud that I managed to do it in thirty days, don’t know if I willdo it again, it was very hard…I thak you guys from the bottom of my heart, xoxo