Beat Around the Bush (Love-Struck Series 1)

Rhiatt De Roxas grew up in an overly religious family, and it was also instilled in his mind that homosexual relationships are considered a sin. When he heard that the most handsome man in their neighborhood, Evron Vance Gallegos, liked him, Rhiatt was disgusted beyond words. 

He began openly showing his hatred toward Evron and expressed his disgust for everything about him… but it turned out Evron didn’t like him at all.

And for some unknown reason, Rhiatt doesn’t like the fact that he’s not Evron’s type. 

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IMPORTANT NOTE:
Marami lang ang chapters ng story na ito, pero I promise, hindi siya mahaba. 1k words lang siya per chapter so less than 2-3 minutes lang per chapter pag binasa. I have a very short attention span kaya hindi ko keri magsulat ng chapters na may mahabang word count. 

Another note, please avoid mentioning stories or characters written by other authors as much as you can huhu (I’ll cry). Kidding aside, I know hindi siya mapipigilan kapag super nadadala sa scenes or pag may familiar scenes and characters sa inyo. Just try to avoid it po as much as you can. I will appreciate it po. Thank you!

I hope you’ll like this story!

Chapter One

Warning:
The main character is really really unlikable and annoying. Kailangan niyo lang malagpasan ‘yon hahaha, I promise it will get better. 

Another thing,
I used to write dark romance, so my characters here quite adapted it. The characters in this series are quite
obsessed
to their love interests/partner. 

---

Rhiatt De Roxas

“Mahalaga ang pakikipagkapwa tao. God doesn’t want us to spread hatred and wrath… Mahalagang intindihin at mahalin natin ang bawat isa…”

I yawned. I looked at my parents who kept on nodding as if they understood what the priest was saying. Pinigilan kong matawa. As much as I love my parents, they can be really hypocrites most of the time. Walang palya sila kung magsimba, pero parang hindi naman tumatatak sa isip nila ang mga naririnig nila mula sa pari.

I stared at the altar. Some people who know me often misunderstand me. I do love and I do fear God… I love God. Sa mga tao lang naman ako naiinis… Sa mga hipokrito.

I’m not a good person either. Alam ko naman iyon. Ang pinagkaiba lang siguro ay alam ko iyon sa sarili ko. Hindi ako nagpapanggap na banal o mabuti.

Nang matapos ang misa, agad na kaming umalis ng simbahan. Hinampas ako nang malakas ni Mama sa braso nang makalabas na kami ng simbahan.

“What was that for?!” I touched my arm and glared at her.

“Hikab ka nang hikab kanina! Nasa unahan pa man din tayo! Kitang kita ka ng pari!” asik niya na para bang pumatay ako ng tao.

“I told you I was tired as hell… Gusto ko munang magpahinga dahil sunod-sunod ang practice namin ng mga nakaraan. Ikaw ang nagpumilit na isama ako.” I touched my nape and closed my eyes.

Damn. I’m so tired. Gusto ko sanang magpahinga muna ngayon, pero pinuntahan ako nina Mama sa bahay para yayain magsimba.

“Ano? Basketball na naman?! Sabi ko naman kasi sa’yo at magtrabaho na lang bilang architect. Para saan pa ang inaral mo kung naglalaro ka lang ng basketball?!” asik pa ni Mama.

This is what I’m saying. Kakalabas lang namin sa simbahan nito.

I could just remind her that me being a professional basketball player is the reason why we have our hardware business all over the country, and the reason why Ate Rhianne, my older sister, became a business lawyer… but I chose to be a good son and shut my mouth.

Maybe being a basketball player does not sound that good for them. Mas proud pa yata ang ibang tao sa akin. Wala naman akong pakialam. I’m just doing this because I enjoy playing basketball. I’ve been a PBA player for three years now. I’m not really a category A player. I’m not as good or as famous as the likes of June Mar Fajardo. I fall under category B. Pero malaki pa rin naman ang kinikita ko.

I just enjoy playing basketball. That’s it. I studied architecture in University of Santo Tomas. Pero kagaya ng sinabi ni Mama, hindi ko nagagamit ang pinag-aralan ko. Hindi ko alam kung magtatrabaho pa ba ako bilang architect.

I have enough savings for the future… at patuloy pa akong nag-iipon… Para kapag dumating ang araw na hindi ko na kayang maglaro ng basketball, pwede akong mabuhay nang hindi nagtatrabaho. I don’t want to live a tiring and stressful life.

Hindi na ako nakapagtalo kay Mama. Sumakay na lang ako ng kotse ko at umuwi sa bahay ko.

Bumukod ako simula nang makapagtapos ako sa college four years ago. It was the best decision that I made in my life. I can do the things that I want without my parents interfering… Minsan lang ay pumupunta sila sa bahay nang biglaan.

I took a quick shower before I went to my room. Bumagsak din agad ako sa kama at pumikit.

Bago ako makatulog, naalala ko ang bagong bukas na gym malapit dito. Sa narinig ko, iyong kapit-bahay raw namin ang may-ari no’n.

Pupunta ako roon pagkatapos kong matulog.

I SLEPT FOR almost eight hours. Napahaba ang tulog ko dahil ilang araw rin kaming puspusan sa practice.

I ate chicken breast and drank black coffee before I went out. I wore a white sleeveless shirt and black shorts. I wore a white stretchable headband.

I looked at the mirror and touched my chin. Damn. I’m so fucking handsome. Sometimes I hate it. Mas kilala pa ako sa hitsura ko kaysa sa skills ko sa basketball.

Lumabas na rin agad ako ng bahay at naglakad lakad. Malapit lang daw sa basketball court nitong Venias Subdivision.

Agad ko ring natanaw ang gym. It was quite big, and it seemed neat. Mukhang pangmalakasang gym talaga.

Pumasok ako sa loob. I liked the interior of the gym. Typical black and white. Hindi rin ganoon karami ang tao.

Nag-register muna ako at nagbayad. I paid for a whole month membership.

“Sir, baka gusto niyo rin po ng help ng gym instructor? ‘Yung owner po nitong gym ay professional gym instructor din po,” nakangiting sabi ng cashier.

I stared at the cashier… I thought she was a boy at first. Hindi ko siya napansin agad.

“Are you lesbian?” I asked, out of curiousity.

She smiled and nodded. “Yes, Sir.”

I stared at her and smiled. Damn. She’s pretty.

“Do you want me to make you straight?” I grinned. “You just need a good man in your life, you know. Hindi pa ako nadating sa buhay mo kaya akala mo babae ang gusto mo. Try to be with me and you’ll be normal again.”

I saw how her expression changed. She raised her eyebrow, but she kept on forcing a smile.

“My sexuality is not a disease, Sir… And I’m normal. I’ll choose my girlfriend a thousand times over you or over any man…” she said and raised her eyebrow higher.

I shrugged and left her there.

Women.

“Rhiatt!”

Natigilan ako nang tawagin ako ni Leander. He’s my friend, and he’s a pilot. Naging kaibigan ko lang siya nang lumipat ako rito sa Venias Subdivision.

“You can’t fuck all the pussies in this world, Rhiatt,” Leander said while lifting a dumbbell. He laughed at me.

I showed him my middle finger. He laughed at me and shook his head.

Nagtungo ako sa treadmill at nagsimulang maglakad doon. I looked at my smartwatch and started jogging.

Natigilan ako nang mapatingin sa isang lalaki na nasa cable row machine. I stopped when I saw a familiar face. It was Evan, or Edward. Damn. I forgot his name. But he was my classmate during college, and I used to tease him a lot because he was gay… and he had a crush on me in the past.

Fucking disgusting.

I stopped jogging and took my towel. Napangisi ako saka lumapit sa kaniya. Umupo ako sa tabi niya. Napatigil naman siya at tumingin sa akin. Halatang natigilan din siya nang makita ako.

I tapped his shoulder. “Hey, Edward. Long time no see.”

“I’m Evan.” Umiwas siya ng tingin sa akin pero nakita kong bahagyang namula ang mukha niya.

May gusto pa rin ba siya sa akin?

“Why are you here? You should be doing pilates or some gay shit instead,” I said and smiled at him.

He shook his head. “You’re still the same. Parang hindi ka nag mature.”

I chuckled. “How about you? Still gay?”

He nodded. “Yes, I’m still gay… and I won’t stop being gay,” he said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

I was about to say something, but I stopped when a big hand gripped my shoulder.

I looked up… because a fucking tall man was towering over me. Agad akong tumayo. I’m confident with my height.

But I was immediately crushed. My 6 foot height was crushed by this man in front of me. Hanggang baba niya lang ako. So, I assume his height was around 6 foot and 7 inches or more.

I looked at him. I knew him. He was my neighbor. I forgot his name… but he was really famous among the girls here in our subdivision.

He’s way bigger and muscular than me. Matangkad na ako kaya hindi ako gaanong sanay makakita ng ibang mas matangkad sa akin, maliban na lang sa PBA.

He has a light complexion… with black hair and eyes. And I hate to admit, he’s more handsome than me. I’ve seen him a lot of times, and damn, he really looks cold and distant… and quite scary. Lalo sa malapitan.

“Hey, dude. Do we have a problem?” I asked and grinned at him.

“No… But do you have a problem?” he asked in a cold and baritone voice. It almost sent shivers down my spine. 

Damn. Why was I even intimidated by this man?

CHARACTERS

Rhiatt De Roxas “Professional Basketball Player”


---

Evron Vance Gallegos “Gym Instructor”


Chapter Two

“No, dude… What makes you think that?” I asked.

“I don’t tolerate bullying here in my gym,” he said while staring intently at me.

I nodded when I realized why he seemed mad. I laughed and tapped his shoulder, though it looked awkward because he’s taller than me.

“I’m just teasing him, dude. Chill.” I laughed. “By the way, we’re neighbors. Do you know me? I bet you do. Almost everyone here—”

“I don’t know you,” agad na sabi niya. “Please know your limits. Again, I don’t tolerate bullying here in my gym. If you can’t follow that simple rule, then find another gym to go to,” malamig na sabi niya pa.

Napangisi ako. “Okay, okay… Sorry, dude… By the way…” I looked at him from head to toe. “Do you play basketball? Damn, you’re tall. Do you want to join our team?” I asked.

“I don’t play basketball,” sabi niya na lang saka agad din akong tinalikuran saka umalis.

My head fell back. I licked my lower lip and chuckled. Pinatunog ko ang buto ko sa leeg.

Tang inang ‘yon. Niyayabangan niya ba ako porke mas malaki siya sa akin? May araw rin siya sa akin.

“Alam ko ang pumapasok sa isip mo… Wala kang laban sa kuya ko. He does boxing and martial arts. Paano mo siya lalabanan? Babatuhin mo ng bola?” tila nang-aasar na tanong ni Evan.

I looked at him with a shocked expression. “That asshole is your brother?” I asked.

Evan nodded. Tumayo na rin siya saka pinunasan ng towel ang batok niya. “Yeah… I’ll go ahead. It was not-so nice meeting you again, Rhiatt.”

Umalis na rin agad si Evan ng gym. Napailing na lang ako napangisi. Lumapit sa akin si Leander at sinuntok ako sa braso.

“Akala ko mag-aaway kayo ni Evron… Hindi kita maba-back-up-an. Ang laki no’n, e,” tila natatawang sabi ni Leander.

Oh, I remember now. Evron ang pangalan ng lalaking iyon.

“I want to recruit him to our basketball team. Gago lang ng ugali,” napapailing na sabi ko na lang.

“Mas gago ka sa totoo lang,” natatawang sabi na lang ni Leander.

Napangisi ako. “I know, but I can only tolerate myself.”

Natigilan ako nang tumunog ang phone ko. Nag-text si Mama sa akin.

Ano na naman kaya ‘to?

I opened her message.

Mama:

Rhiatt, come here sa hauz. Let’s have dinner. May announcement daw si Rhianne.

I was filled with curiosity. What could that be? Hindi naman si Ate Rhianne ang tipo na mahilig mag anunsyo ng mga ganiyan. Nagulat na nga lang kami at nakapasa siya sa bar exam.

Sumaglit lang ako sa gym at umalis na rin agad. Hindi ko na nakita si Evron bago ako umalis. There was still a part of me that wanted to recruit him… Kahit na ganoon ang ugali niya.

Nagtungo na rin ako sa bahay nina Mama pagkatapos kong mag-asikaso. Masyado akong curious at excited sa kung ano man ang sasabihin ni Ate Rhianne.

“Where’s Ate?” tanong ko kay Mama.

Naabutan ko si Mama na nag-aayos ng mga plato. Umupo ako at kumuha ng isang pirasong tempura at kinain iyon.

“Wala pa, sinundo pa ang bisita niya,” sabi naman ni Papa.

Napangisi ako. “Baka may boyfriend na,” natatawang sabi ko na lang saka napailing.

Mama clapped excitedly. I know how much she wanted Ate Rhianne to have a boyfriend. Matagal niya nang hinihintay iyon.

Ate Rhianne was conservative. Ni minsan hindi ito nagdala ng lalaki sa bahay. Masyado siyang subsob noon sa pag-aaral kaya rin siguro hindi na niya binigyan ng pansin ang ganoong bagay. Mukhang ngayon meron na. I’m happy for her. Akala ko tatanda na siyang dalaga.

Ilang saglit pa, dumating din si Ate Rhianne… at may kasama siyang babae.

Halatang nadismaya sina Mama dahil hindi pala lalaki ang bisita ni Ate Rhianne.

“Upo kayo… Marami akong niluto,” nakangiting sabi na lang ni Mama. “Ano pala ang pangalan mo, hija?”

Ngumiti ang babaeng kasama ni Ate Rhianne. “I’m Hira po. I’m also a lawyer. Magkatrabaho po kami ni Rhianne.”

Napangiti si Mama. “Maganda iyan… Kinabahan nga ako, akala ko lalaki ang dadalhin ni Rhianne dito. Akala ko may boyfriend na.”

Nagkatinginan si Ate Rhianne at Hira. Tahimik na kumakain lang ako at hinihintay kung ano man ang i-a-announce ni Ate Rhianne.

We were all shocked when Ate Rhianne suddenly held Hira’s hand in front of us. Ate Rhianne took a deep breath and smiled.

“Ma, Pa, Rhiatt… Girlfriend ko si Hira,” Rhianne said.

Lahat kami ay nasamid sa sinabi ni Ate Rhianne. Agad kong kinuha ang tubig at ininom iyon.

Did I hear her right?!

“Ano?! Ano’ng pinagsasasabi mo, Rhianne?! Hindi magandang biro ‘yan!” sabi ni Mama. Hindi napigilang magtaas ng boses.

Ate Rhianne sighed and caressed Hira’s hand. “I know you’re against this… but we really love each other, Mama.”

Napahawak si Mama sa batok niya. Hinimas ni Papa ang likod ni Mama at mukhang dismayado rin ito sa sinabi ni Ate Rhianne.

“What are you even saying, Rhianne?! Anong mahal niyo ang isa’t isa?! Parehas kayong babae! Kasalanan sa Diyos ‘yan!” asik ni Mama.

Ate Rhianne shook her head and sighed. “I know God still loves me even though I’m into women,” she said in a firm tone. “Mama naman… There’s nothing wrong with it. Hindi naman ako magnanakaw o mamamatay-tao. Please try to understand.”

Mama shook her head. “This can’t be… I’m not allowing this, Rhianne! Hindi ka ba nag-iisip?! Ang babae ay para lang sa lalaki! Ano bang demonyo ang sumasapi sa’yo?! Maling mali ‘yan! Kasalanan ‘yan!”

Mukhang hindi na nakapagtimpi si Ate Rhianne. Hinampas niya ang mesa.

“Ma, pwede ba?! Intindihin niyo naman ako for once! Being lesbian doesn’t make me less of a person… There’s nothing wrong with me!” Ate Rhianne looked at me.

“Come on, Rhiatt. Help me make them understand!” asik pa ni Ate.

I licked my lower lip and scratched my nape. “They have a point, ate. Baka confused ka lang. Come on. Ano ba ang mapapala mo sa pagpatol sa babae? Babae ka,” sabi ko saka napailing.

This is not the announcement that I’m looking forward to.

“My goodness!” Napahawak si Ate Rhianne sa noo niya. “All of you are hopeless…”

Umiling si Mama. “Itigil mo ‘yan, Rhianne. Tama si Rhiatt. Baka confused ka lang dahil hindi ka nagkaroon ng boyfriend sa buong buhay mo.”

Napahilamos si Ate Rhianne sa mukha niya, tila ba hindi niya na alam kung sa paanong paraan niya ipapaliwanag ang sarili. I kinda feel bad for her, to be honest… But being in a relationship with the same gender? Hindi ko alam kung nasa rebellious stage ba siya dahil buong buhay niya, pressured siya kina Mama kaya siya nagkakaganito.

I couldn’t blame her… Kahit ako naiinis din kina Mama kung minsan. They can be toxic most of the time.

I stared at Ate Rhianne. She was brave… I knew her as someone who could stand up on her own. I have never seen her cry. Siguro noong mga bata pa kami ang huling beses na nakita ko siyang umiyak. Hindi ko siya nakitang umiyak kahit noong panahon na stressed na stressed siya sa law school.

Ngayon ko na lang uli siya nakitang umiyak… at dahil iyon sa babaeng sinasabi niya na girlfriend niya at mahal niya.

“I did my best to be a good daughter… I pursued law because that’s what you want for me. Wala akong naging pagkukulang bilang anak… Ito lang ang hinihiling ko sa inyo… Ang hayaan niyo akong sumaya,” mariing sabi ni Ate Rhianne saka humawak nang mahigpit sa kamay ni Hira.

Mukhang maski si Hira ay paiyak na rin. I sighed and stroked my hair.

“Ma… Hayaan mo na si Ate,” sabi ko na lang.

Halatang natigilan si Ate Rhianne sa sinabi ko, pati sina Mama at Papa.

“What?! Bakit kinakampihan mo ang kapatid mo, Rhiatt?!” asik ni Mama.

I sighed and licked my lower lip. Damn. I just hate seeing my sister cry. I don’t want to be cringy in front of my family, so I just didn’t say it.

Ate Rhianne smiled at me. She was staring at me as if I was her only hope in the family.

Tumingin siyang muli kina Mama. Tumayo siya habang hawak ang kamay ni Hira. “Wala naman akong pakialam kung tanggap niyo ang relasyon namin o hindi… Gagawin ko ang gusto ko. I’m done pleasing you all.”

“Rhianne! ‘Wag mo akong simulan!” hindi na napigilan na Papa na magalit at magtaas ng boses kay Ate Rhianne.

Hindi nagsalita si Ate Rhianne at agad na ring hinila si Hira paalis. Napabuga ako ng hangin at tumayo na lang din at umalis. Ayokong marindi sa mga sasabihin nina Mama.

Naabutan ko pa si Rhianne na naglalakad palabas kasama si Hira.

“Ate!” I called her.

She stopped and looked at me. She smiled. “Thanks for standing up for me earlier, Rhiatt… Kahit mukhang labag sa loob mo,” napapailing na lang na sabi niya.

Naglakad ako palapit sa kanila habang nakapamulsa. “I just don’t understand… how you became like that,” sabi ko saka napabuga ng hangin.

Ate Rhianne smiled at me. “Like what, Rhiatt?”

“You don’t seem normal to me now… Paano ka nagkagusto sa kapwa mo babae? That’s not normal at all…”

Ayoko sana siyang saktan sa mga sasabihin ko… pero hindi ko mapigilan.

“This is normal, Rhiatt…” she chuckled. “You’ll understand… someday.”

I shook my head. “I will never understand.”

“I hope you’ll get your karma someday, Rhiatt… I hope you’ll just wake up and realize that you’re gay, so that you’ll understand.”

Umalis na rin kaagad si Ate Rhianne kasama ang
girlfriend
niya.

Natatawang napailing na lang ako.

No. That will never happen, so I will never understand.

Chapter Three

WARNING: 
there will be offensive language or
homophobic remarks
in the story

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“Why don’t you just seduce your sister’s girlfriend? Baka bumigay,” natatawang sabi ni Leander.

Nalaman niya na may girlfriend na si Ate Rhianne dahil sa post nito sa Facebook. Mukhang wala na rin talagang pakialam si Ate sa iba pang bagay.

I punched his arm. “Gago ka ba? Hindi ako gano’ng kasama. Kung ibang tao ‘yan baka ginawa ko talaga, kaso girlfriend ng kapatid ko ‘yon. Baliw ka ba?”

Leander and my other friend, Connor, looked at me with disbelief in their eyes. Para bang nakakita sila ng multo.

“What?” I asked, irritated.

“Hindi ikaw ang Rhiatt na kilala ko. Sino ka?” Connor asked in a teasing tone.

Connor is a well-known chef, and he also lives here in this subdivision. He’s an asshole like me… Siguro mas malala lang ako nang kaunti. Si Leander lang naman ang matino-tino sa amin.

“Fuck you,” I said and raised my middle finger.

Connor shook his head. Ngumiwi pa siya habang patuloy na umiiling. “No, thanks. I’m not gay.”

“What if bakla pala si Rhiatt, ‘no? Nagpapanggap lang siyang ganyan para hindi natin mahalata na bakla siya at type niya tayo,” natatawang sabi ni Leander.

“Mag-ingat ka nga sa sinasabi mo. Tang ina mo!” iritadong asik ko.

They both laughed at me. I shook my head and took my towel. Nandito na naman sila sa bahay ko at naglalaro ng PS5. Kapag bored talaga sila, palagi silang tumatakbo rito. They are fucking rich and yet here they are, playing PS5 at my house when they can fucking buy their own.

“I’ll hit the gym,” sabi ko na lang saka kinuha ang tumbler ko. Busy na sila sa paglalaro at hindi na nila ako pinansin.

Lumabas na ako ng bahay. Natigilan ako nang saktong lumabas din ang kapit-bahay ko… na si Evron.

Tang ina! Magkatabi lang pala kami ng bahay?!

Hindi niya ako pinansin. He did not glance at me either. He was holding a small dog… I think it’s a white teacup pomeranian. It was really small. Parang kasya na yata sa palad niya ang aso na iyon. Napakunot ang noo ko.

Is that his pet? For someone as huge as him, I would be expecting him to have a pitbull or a K9 instead.

“Hey, dude!” I called him.

Hindi siya lumingon sa akin. Lumapit ako sa kaniya saka tinapik ang balikat niya. Agad naman siyang lumingon sa akin. He looked at me with a cold expression.

“What?” he asked… he seemed irritated.

“Magkatabi lang pala tayo ng bahay? Bakit hindi ko alam? Matagal ka na ba rito?” sunod-sunod na tanong ko.

Napakunot-ang noo niya. “Do you have to know that?”

I sighed and licked my lower lip. What the fuck is wrong with this asshole? I’m trying to be nice here!

Well, I just want him to join our basketball team.

“I was just surprised. I didn’t even notice that we are this close… I mean, our houses…” sabi ko saka itinuro ang bahay niya.

“Yeah. Can I go now?” tila naiirita nang tanong niya.

Pumikit ako at inalala ang sinabi ni Evan na magaling sa boxing ang halimaw na ‘to, kaya pilit kong kinalma ang sarili ko.

Ngumiti ako sa kaniya. “Pupunta ka sa gym mo? Sabay na tayo, dude… By the way, I haven’t introduced myself yet… Nanonood ka ba ng basketball? PBA? I’m a professional basketball player. I’m Rhiatt…”

Hindi siya nagsalita at tinalikuran na ako saka umalis. Napatingin ako sa tatlong babae na dumaan… na hinahabol ng tingin si Evron.

Sa isip ko, mas guwapo ako sa mayabang na ‘to. Sadyang mas matangkad lang siya sa akin kaya siya ang unang napapansin.

Fuck. Why am I gaslighting myself?

Sumunod ako kay Evron at sinabayan siyang maglakad. Bitbit pa rin niya ang aso niya na mas maliit pa yata sa palad niya.

“Laki ng aso mo, ah,” pagbibiro ko sa kaniya.

He didn’t say anything. Tila ba hindi ako nag-e-exist sa tabi niya, patuloy lang niyang hinahaplos ang aso niya.

Nakarating kami sa gym niya nang hindi ako kinakausap o nililingon.

I did cardio first before I started lifting weights. I looked around, trying to look for a hot woman that I can hit on.

Napadako na lang ang tingin ko kay Evron. May dalawa siyang lalaki na tinuturuan… Naalala ko na gym instructor nga rin pala siya.

I shook my head while looking at his physique. Damn. Is he really not interested in playing basketball? Matutuwa si coach kapag sumali ang katulad niya sa team.

I touched my chin. Baka naman nainis lang siya sa akin dahil akala niya binu-bully ko ang kapatid niyang si Evan.

Were you not bullying his brother?

I heard that little voice inside my head. Agad akong umiling at naglakad palapit kay Evron.

“You’re a gym instructor, right?” I asked while wiping the sweat on my nape using my towel.

He nodded. “Yeah.”

“Can you be my gym instructor? I like your physique. I want to have that too,” nakangiting sabi ko saka itinuro ang katawan niya.

I was never insecure with my body… Kuntento ako sa katawan ko kahit hindi kasing maskulado ni Evron. Trip ko lang talaga mayaya itong Evron na ‘to sa team namin.

Evron looked at me. “I don’t like rude clients… especially those who bully my brother,” sabi niya saka muling tumingin sa dalawang lalaki na nagpu-push up.

“You got me wrong. Close kaya kami ni Evan nu’ng college. You go ask him. Crush niya nga ako no’n, e… It was disgusting on my side… pero natiis ko naman,” I said and smiled at him.

His forehead creased. “Find another gym instructor,” malamig na sabi niya saka muli akong tinalikuran.

“Client na ang nalapit sa’yo, choosy ka pa,” sabi ko saka umismid.

Hindi na siya nagsalita pa at tumuloy na lang sa pagtuturo sa clients niya. Napataas ang kilay ko nang mapansin na mabait naman siyang kausap kapag client niya ang kausap niya.

Ano ba’ng problema nito sa’kin? Biniro ko lang naman si Evan.

Hindi ko na lang din siya kinulit at sinukuan na ang pagyayaya sa kaniya na maging member ng basketball team namin.

Pagkatapos ko sa gym, umalis na rin ako at agad na bumalik sa bahay.

Pagdating ko sa bahay, naabutan ko na nandoon pa sina Leander at Connor.

“Galing kang gym?” tanong ni Connor.

Tumango ako kahit abala silang pareho sa PS5. “Oo, diyan sa gym ng kapit-bahay.”

Natigilan si Connor. “‘Yung kay Evron?” tanong niya.

Mukhang kilala niya rin ang Evron na iyon.

I nodded. “Yeah, why?”

Napangisi si Connor. “Hindi mo ba alam? Crush ka no’n.”

Napakunot ang noo ko. “What?”

That fucking huge guy?

“Isn’t he straight?” I asked again.

Connor chuckled. “Hindi mo alam? Evron is gay. Kaya nga hindi siya nilalapitan ng mga babae rito kahit type nila ‘yon… Narinig ko lang, crush ka raw no’n… Sinusungitan ka kasi,” natatawang sabi ni Connor.

I laughed. “Ain’t no way… That guy is straight. There’s no way,” I said while shaking my head.

Connor laughed. “Kapit-bahay lang natin ‘yon. Hindi mo ba napansin na may boyfriend ‘yon dati. Halos lahat dito alam ‘yon.”

Napaawang ang mga labi ko. I can’t believe I just tried to be close with that gay.

Fuck!

“But there’s no way he likes me! Fuck, dude! Kilabutan ka nga!” asik ko saka binato sa kaniya ang towel ko.

Connor laughed loudly. “Kamukha mo raw kasi ‘yung ex-boyfriend ni Evron. Saka madalas siya tumitingin sa’yo… Chismis lang din. Pero mukhang may basis naman. Pinakita sa’kin ni Clarisse ‘yung picture ng ex ni Evron, at kahawig mo nga.”

Kapit-bahay rin namin si Clarisse. Kilala siya bilang chismosa sa subdivision na ‘to. Lahat na yata ng chismis alam no’n… At palaging tama ang chismis niya.

I clenched my fists and bit my lower lip.
Damn!

How dare he? He’s just like Evan after all.

I’ll fucking ruin his fantasy.

Chapter Four

“Hindi ba nagbago ang isip mo?” nakangising tanong ko sa cashier ng gym.

She smiled at me, but I could tell that she wanted to kill me with the way she looked at me.

“No. I didn’t change my mind,” she said, fighting the urge to roll her eyes at me.

I shrugged. “Well, your loss.”

Pumasok na lang ako sa loob ng gym. Agad na hinanap ng mga mata ko ang Evron na iyon. Nakita ko siya sa chest press machine. Halos pumutok na yata ang mga muscles niya sa braso.

Natigilan siya at napatingin din sa akin. Napangiwi ako at nakaramdam ng pandidiri.

Tang ina! Kaya pala palong palo siya na sungitan ako, type niya pala ako! Hindi ba siya kinikilabutan sa sarili niya? Mas malaki pa siya sa’kin!

Bumalik siya sa ginagawa at hindi na uli ako tinapunan ng tingin. Napangisi na lang ako at napailing. Alam ko na ang mga technique niya na ganiyan… Akala niya siguro hindi ko malalaman dahil lang sinusungitan niya ako.

I should put him in his place… Kagaya lang din ng ginawa ko sa kapatid niya noong college.

Lumapit ako sa kaniya. Hindi niya ako nilingon at patuloy sa ginagawa.

“Can you be my personal trainer?” I asked and smiled at him.

He shook his head. “No.”

Napangisi ako at napahawak sa buhok ko. Iba siya kay Evan noon. Hinahabol habol ako ni Evan noon, pero itong isang ‘to, mukhang pagpapakipot ang technique.

“Bakit ka namimili ng client?” I asked and crossed my arms. “Why? Are you intimidated by me?”

He did not answer my question. Tumikhim ako at tumingin sa paligid.

Tang ina. Bakit parang ako pa ang mukhang gago rito?

“I’ll pay you thrice…” I said and grinned.

Natigilan siya sa ginagawa at tumingin sa akin. “Deal,” agad na sagot niya.

Natigilan ako at nagtatakang tumingin sa kaniya. Biglang pumayag?

Napailing ako at napahawak sa sentido ko. Mukhang hindi na niya kinayang mag-inarte.

“Are you sure you’ll pay me thrice my rate?” he asked, making sure.

Wala pa ring ekspresyon sa mukha niya. But for some reason, he seemed excited about the fact that I’ll pay him thrice with his service.

I nodded. “Yeah, of course…”

He nodded. “Okay. When do we start?” he asked. “You can talk to my cashier about the payment…”

“Bukas agad…”

“Kindly send me your schedule. We will be having 3-4 sessions every week. I will also provide a monthly meal plan for you. What do you want to achieve?” he asked and looked at my body.

Napakunot ang noo ko at napailing.
Tang ina talaga, makikita mo talaga ang hinahanap mo.

“I want to have the same body that you have,” sagot ko na lang.

Tumango siya. “Hindi mabilis ang proseso… It will take a long time for you to achieve the body that you want… Pero kung matiyaga ka at consistent, hindi naman imposible,” paliwanag niya.

Natigilan ako. Ngayon ko lang yata siya narinig na nagsalita nang mahaba.

Tumango ako. “I’m available every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.”

Kinuha niya ang body bag niya saka kinuha ang maliit na notebook doon. He looked at me again.

“What’s your name again?” tanong niya.

Napangisi ako. Ayos din ang isang ito, ah. Para-paraan pa para hindi ko mahalatang alam na niya ang pangalan ko.

“Rhiatt… Rhiatt De Roxas,” sagot ko na lang.

Tumango niya saka isinulat ang pangalan ko roon. “Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday,” he muttered while writing it down.

I grinned and shook my head… I’ll make him realize that liking me will be his biggest mistake.

---

“Huh?! Kinuha mo siyang PT?! Sinabi ko na sa’yo, ‘di ba? Bakla ‘yon,” tila hindi makapaniwalang sabi ni Connor.

Tumango ako. I peeled the banana and took a bite. “That’s part of my plan… I’m planning to piss him off and make him realize that he shouldn’t be liking someone like me.”

“Why don’t you just let him be? Whether he likes you or not, he’s not doing anything harmful to you… He didn’t make a move or something,” sabi ni Leander habang panay ang type sa cellphone niya.

Napakunot ang noo ko. “Ayoko… Wala siyang karapatan magustuhan ang tulad ko,” sabi ko na lang saka uminom ng tubig. “Sige. Aalis na ako. I-lock niyo na lang ‘tong bahay kapag aalis na kayo,” sabi ko saka kinuha ang backpack ko.

May practice ngayon. Simula na ng laban next month. Hindi ko naman pine-pressure ang sarili ko tuwing may laban. Ang mahalaga lang sa akin ay ang ma-enjoy ang basketball at kumita ng pera. Pero siyempre, hindi naman ganoon ang mindset ni coach at ng iba kong teammates. Mahalaga sa kanila na manalo kami.

May practice game kami kasama ang Shooters. Kalaban namin. Open din sa public ang practice game namin kaya gusto kong magpasikat nang kaunti.

Marami rami na ang tao pagkarating ko sa venue. Mukhang marami ang manonood ng practice game. Sikat din kasi ang team ng kalaban.

“Buti hindi ka na-late, number 21,” nakangising sabi sa akin ng teammate ko na si Hugo. Siya ang palaging MVP ng team namin tuwing laban.

“Kailan ba ako na-late?” sabi ko na lang saka ngumisi.

Lagi akong late kapag practice. Ngayon laang ako hindi na-late dahil public practice game kami ngayon.

Kalaban din kasi namin ang Shooters. Pinaka kinaiinisan kong team iyon… dahil nandoon ang pinaka ayaw kong player na si Russ. Madalas akong makumpara sa kaniya.

Hindi kasi nagkakalayo ang galing naming dalawa. Maraming nagsasabi na magkahawig kami… pero ang pinaka kinaiinisan ko sa kaniya ay ang narinig kong bali-balita na bakla raw siya.

“Okay, Averlands… Kahit practice lang ‘to, still, do your best. Nanonood ang mga fans niyo,” sabi ni Coach Herald.

Marami pang binilin si Coach na hindi ko na nagagawang pakinggan. Napatingin ako kay Russ na nasa kabilang side ng court.

Napaismid ako. Dudurugin ko ang gagong ‘yan.

Nagsimula na ang game. Hindi muna ako isinalang ni coach.

“Rhiatt! I love you!”

“Rhiatt! Galingan mo mag-shoot ha!”

I heard girls cheering for me. Sometimes I just hate the fact that I’m more famous for my looks and not my skills.

Tumingin ako sa bleachers. Natigilan ako nang makita mula sa hindi kalayuan ang pamilyar na lalaki. Nakasuot ito ng black t-shirt at cap. Halatang pilit na tinatakpan ang mukha, pero alam na alam ko kung sino ito.

Evron?

He was looking at the opposite side of the ring. Siguro ay iniiwasan niyang malaman ko na nanonood siya ng laro ko. Napabuga ako ng hangin at umiling.

Sabi na, e.

Isinalang na rin ako ni coach, at nasaktuhan na kalaban ko na si Russ.

During the game, I was quite active and aggressive. Ganoon ako sa tuwing makakalaban ko si Russ. Pinaka ayaw ko na nakukumpara sa taong ito.

At kamukha ko raw?

He’s fucking short. Hindi ko nga alam kung paano nakapasok sa PBA ‘to, e. Para ding babae sa hinhin kung kumilos… Sa basketball lang siya nagkikilos lalaki. He looks feminine as well. Paano nangyaring kamukha ko? Sa katawan pa lang panalong panalo na ako sa gagong ‘to.

Agad akong tumakbo nang makitang na kay Russ ang bola. I became too caught up on the game. I tried to take the ball from him as hard as I could. I even tried pushing him with my shoulder. Agad niya akong tinalikuran, dahilan para mawalan ako ng balanse.

Bumagsak ako sa sahig, at nauna ang braso ko. Napadaing ako nang maramdaman na tila napuruhan yata ang balikat ko. Narinig kong nag-react ang mga taong nanonood.

Natigilan si Russ. Agad niyang binitiwan ang bola na hawak at lumapit sa akin.

“I-I’m sorry… Are you okay?” nag-aalalang tanong niya.

Agad ko siyang tinulak palayo sa akin saka tumayo. Agad namang lumapit sa akin ang mga teammate ko.

I looked at Russ. Mukha na siyang paiyak. Dahil siguro nakonsensya sa nangyari.

What a fucking pussy.

UMUWI NA LANG ako pagkatapos no’n. Hindi ko na natuloy ang laro dahil masakit din talaga ang balikat ko. Sinabi rin sa akin ng doktor na ‘wag munang maglaro ng ilang linggo.

“Tang inang Russ na ‘yan,” bulong ko habang binubuksan ang gate ng bahay. Iniwan ko muna ang kotse ko roon sa venue. Ipapakuha ko na lang kay Connor o Leander dahil hindi rin ako makapag drive.

Natigilan ako nang mapatingin sa kabilang bahay. Lumabas si Evron mula roon… Suot niya ang nakita kong suot niya kanina sa practice game.

Sabi na nga ba. Gano’n ba siya kapatay na patay sa akin?

“Hindi matutuloy ang session natin. You’re injured, right?” he asked and looked at my shoulder.

Napahawak ako sa batok ko at napailing.
Tang ina. Wala ako sa mood sa mga kabaklaan ngayon.

“You went to my practice game, right? Why? To see my play?” I asked.

Natigilan si Evron, bahagyang napakunot ang noo niya. “What?”

“I know you’re fucking gay… Stop this bullshit pretending,” iritadong sabi ko na lang.

Evron licked his lower lip and touched his nape… “Yeah, I’m gay. I’m not keeping it a secret… What’s wrong with that?” he asked.

“And I also know that you fucking like me… You even watched the game for me. I can’t believe you…” I said and shook my head.

Evron’s lips parted… He always has this cold expression, but this time, he seems shocked.

“What the hell are you saying?”

Chapter Five

“Stop pretending, will you?” iritadong tanong ko.

Evron took a step back and shook his head. “Damn. You’re delusional. I have standards too, asshole,” he said in a cold tone.

Napailing na lang ako. I know. He’ll keep denying it for sure.

“I’m straight as fuck… Kahit mangarap ka riyan, hindi kita papatulan,” mariing sabi ko.

Evron looked at me with disbelief. He crossed his arms, and then looked coldly at me. “No one here says that you’re gay. You’re straight, fine… I don’t fucking give a shit.”

I licked my lower lip and flinched. I touched my aching shoulder. Damn.

“Fuck. I’m not in the mood to entertain the likes of you…” naiiritang sabi ko na lang saka pumasok na sa loob at iniwan siya roon.

Ano bang mapapala niya sa pagtanggi, e, huling huli ko na siya?

Napangiwi ako at napahawak sa balikat ko. Alam kong mahihirapan akong kumilos hanggang sa mga susunod na araw.

Nahirapan akong kumilos, lalo sa pagbibihis ng damit. Pero hindi naman siya sobrang malala kagaya ng naging pilay ko noong nagsisimula pa lang ako sa PBA.

Tumingin ako sa cellphone ko dahil siguradong puno ako ng messages.

Binuksan ko ang group chat naming Averlands. Binasa ko ang messages nila roon.

Hugo: Ano na,

@Rhiatt

? Patay ka na?

Lance: Tumba si gago, e. HAHAHAHA puro kayabangan ba naman parang ewan.

Ian: Hoy may injury na nga yung tao ginaganyan niyo pa (sige tuloy niyo lang, deserve niya yan)

Coach: Hoy mga sira, magsi-practice kayo! Sasakalin ko kayong lahat!

Axel: MVP of the universe. MVP sa pagiging pikon!

@Rhiatt

woooh!

Napakunot ang noo ko sa mga messages nila. Agad akong nag-type ng reply.

Me: Tang ina niyo!

Hugo: HAHAHA galit na siya.

Kinu: Si Russ sana dudurugin niya kaso siya yung dinurog ni Russ HAHAHA

Me: May araw rin sakin yung pandak na ‘yon!

Noah: Galit ka kay Russ, e, magkamukha nga kayo HAHAHA

Me: Ang layo! Mas gwapo ako ro’n!

Kinu: Ganda nga ng mukha ni Russ, e. Parang feminine version ni Rhiatt. Kung babae ‘yon liligawan ko talaga.

Coach: Hoy @

Rhiatt

Hindi ka muna magpa-participate sa laban next month. Pagaling ka. Wag ka mamatay.

Me: Coach mild nga lang ‘to!

Naiinis na napasipa ako sa hangin. Maingat si coach sa ganito kaya kapag merong may injury sa amin, hindi niya talaga pinapalaro.

Humiga na ako at nag-scroll na lang sa Facebook kaysa makipag-chat sa mga gago kong teammates na puro pang-iinis lang ang ginagawa.

Natigilan ako nang mag-chat si Connor sa group chat naming tatlo nina Leander.

GC ng mga hard fckers 👉👌💦

Connor: Kumusta naman

Rhiatt

? Balita ko natumba ka raw HAHAHA tanginang katanga naman, oh.

Leander: HAHAHA puro kayabangan kasi si tanga.

Napakunot ang noo ko sa chat ng mga sirang ‘to.

Me: Tang ina niyo sana mabulunan kayo!

Connor: Pre chill ka lang baka mapaaga

Connor: May papakilala na lang ako sa’yo. Sobrang ganda. Ano? G? Kay Leander ko sana irereto kasi mas matino ‘to, kaso pass daw sa kaniya.

Me: Sino ‘yan?

Connor: Pinsan ko galing Europe. Medyo liberated. Pero mabait naman ‘to.

Me: Geh pakilala mo sa’kin.

Connor: Send ko sa’yo FB niya. Unahan mo ng chat.

Matagal din akong nawalan ng girlfriend. Naghiwalay kami ng huling ex ko five months ago dahil homophobic daw ako at hindi niya ma-take.

Alam kong dahilan niya lang iyon dahil nahuli ko siyang may ka-chat na iba. Buti na lang hindi ako masyadong naapektuhan dahil hindi naman ganoon kalalim ang naramdaman ko sa kaniya.

Nag-scroll na lang muna ulit ako sa Facebook. Napangiwi na lang ako dahil lumabas sa feed ko ‘yung pagkatumba ko kanina. Binasa ko ang comments doon.

Aggressive masyado ni De Roxas. Magaling sana, kaso nauunahan lagi ng emosyon sa laro.

Kawawa si Russ. Siya pa yata ang nakonsensya sa nangyari kanina. Napanood ko sa game.

Gwapo ni Rhiatt HAHAHA! Mainitin lang ulo parang nakakatakot maging boyfriend.

Sure ba na hindi magkapatid si Rhiatt at Russ? Magkamukha, e. Same pa R pangalan.

Soft features ni Russ. Kay Rhiatt lalaking lalaki, pero magkamukha nga sila. HAHAHAHA kaya siguro napipikon si Rhiatt.

Paramihan reacts. Ang mag react ng heart sa comment ko, team Rhiatt. Ang magco-comment ng care react, team Russ. GO!

Para naman akong gago na tumingin sa reacts ng comments. Halos ihagis ko ang cellphone ko nang makitang mas marami ang care reacts kaysa sa heart. Marami ring replies sa comment na iyon.

Bali-balita na homophobic daw ‘yang si Rhiatt tapos mayabang HAHAHA ekis.

Ilang beses na namin na-meet si Russ. Sobrang bait at sobrang Latina!

Nakikita ko rin minsan si Rhiatt HAHAHA laging nakakunot ang noo. Parang ayaw sa mundo.

In terms sa skill, mas magaling din si Russ kasi hindi pikon.

Hindi, for me mas magaling si Rhiatt. Sadyang nadadala lang siya ng emosyon tuwing kalaban si Russ.

Kay Russ pa rin ako. Mas deserve ng spotlight ni Russ.

Pinigilan ko ang sarili na ihagis ang cellphone ko sa inis. Kaya ayokong nagbabasa ng comments, e. Lalo kapag sa aming dalawa ni Russ. Mas sikat at mas gusto ng mga tao ang gagong Russ na iyon.

Kinuha ko ang kaha ng sigarilyo sa drawer ko saka nagtungo sa balcony. I lit my cigarette and continued scrolling on my phone… Hindi naman ako malakas mag sigarilyo. Paminsan minsan lang kapag naiinis ako.

Natigilan ako at napaisip…
Tang ina. May araw bang hindi ako nainis?

Humithit ako sa sigarilyo saka binuga ang usok. Muli akong tumingin sa phone ko… Natigilan ako nang makita ko sa friend suggestion si Evron.

Evron Vance Gallegos

Agad kong pinindot ang profile niya. Picture ng maliit na aso niya ang display profile niya. Picture naman ng gym niya ang cover photo niya.

I was expecting him to be a private type of person even on social media, but he’s not. Madalas siyang mag-post at mag-share ng kung ano-ano.

Madalas picture ng aso niya at picture ng katawan niya ang pino-post niya. It seems like he was promoting himself as a gym instructor… But how will he be able to attract clients if he’s not putting any captions?

He got zero promotion skills.

Patuloy akong nag-scroll sa wall niya sa Facebook. He was quite an opinionated person, it seems. May mga shared post siya tungkol sa LGBT, maski sa pulitika.

Your vote is not just for you. Please vote wisely. Give chances to those who have actual platforms.

Napatango ako nang mabasa ang caption niya. Madalas din akong mag-post at mag-share ng opinyon ko lalo sa pulitika. Madalas akong pagalitan ni coach pero wala akong pakialam.

Marami pa siyang random na posts at shared posts. Naglalaro lang sa dalawa hanggang tatlo ang reacts kada post. Pero mukhang wala naman siyang pakialam doon.

Natigilan ako at napatingin sa kabilang bahay nang maramdaman na tila may tao roon.

Nakita ko si Evron na nagtungo rin sa bakonahe ng bahay niya. PJs lang ang suot niya at walang damit pang itaas.

Humawak siya sa balikat niya saka pinatunog ang buto niya sa leeg.

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa katawan niya. Mahihiya talaga akong tumabi sa kaniya sa totoo lang.

Bakla ba talaga siya? I didn’t expect him to be gay… I had this misconception that all gays wanted to look like a girl or something.

Napansin niya yatang nakatingin ako sa kaniya kaya napatingin din siya sa direksyon ko.

He stared coldly at me. Humarap siya sa akin… Mas lalo kong nasilayan ang katawan niya. Hindi ko alam kung sinasadya niya bang ibalandra sa akin iyon.

“Rhiatt… right?” he asked.

Muli akong humithit sa sigarilyo ko bago sumagot. “What’s your problem?”

“I’m cancelling your inquiry to be my personal trainee… Aside from the fact that you’re injured… I just fucking hate you as a person,” he said in a cold tone while staring at me.

I grinned and faced him. I slightly tilted my head while staring back at him.

“Your tactic is not working on me, Evron… Damn, I never knew gay people can be diverse. I thought y’all are the aggressive type,” I chuckled.

Evron licked his lower lip, as if he was trying to control himself or something.

Umigting ang panga niya. “Kapag hindi ka pa nanahimik, dadagdagan ko ‘yang pilay sa katawan mo.”

Chapter Six

Napahawak ako sa pisngi ko habang nakatingin sa salamin. Napuyat ako kagabi dahil sa naging pagbabanta sa akin ng Evron na iyon.

I know that he likes me. But he seems pretty serious with what he said last night. Baka talagang sapakin niya na ako para lang hindi ko mahalatang may gusto siya sa akin.

Naligo na lang agad ako. Medyo nahihirapan akong kumilos dahil sa balikat ko pero kinaya ko naman.

“Tang ina… Ano kayang pwedeng gawin?” bulong ko habang sinusuklay ang buhok ko.

Hindi ako pwedeng mag practice, hindi rin ako pwedeng mag gym. Gusto ko sanang patulan ang nirereto sa akin ni Connor… kaso may injury pa ako sa balikat.

Kumain ako ng breakfast. Toasted bread at avocado. Napatulala na lang ako habang kumakain, iniisip kung ano ang dapat kong gawin para mawala ang boredom ko.

Hindi ko naman pwedeng yayain sina Leander at may trabaho rin ang mga iyon.

Should I just watch TV series or something?

Natigilan ako nang marinig na may nagdoorbell. Agad akong tumayo… Napakunot ang noo ko dahil wala akong inaasahang bisita ngayon.

Lumabas ako ng bahay saka binuksan ang gate. Natigilan ako nang si Russ ang bumungad sa akin. Mas lalong napakunot ang noo ko.

“What the hell are you doing here?” iritadong tanong ko.

Napaiwas siya ng tingin sa akin. Natigilan ako nang mapansin na namumugto ang mga mata niya.

Tang ina. Ano ba’ng problema nitong baklang ‘to?

“Hoy… Bakit ka kako nandito? At paano mo nalamang dito ako nakatira?” naiiritang tanong ko pa.

“N-nagtanong ako sa coach niyo para humingi ng sorry sa’yo.” Tumingin siya sa akin saka bahagyang yumuko. “S-sorry sa nangyari kahapon, Rhiatt. Hindi ko sinasadya,” paghingi niya ng paumanhin.

“Wala akong pake sa nangyari kahapon. Mag sorry ka man o hindi, nabi-bwisit pa rin ako sa’yo. Umalis ka na nga. Panira ng araw,” sabi ko na lang.

Akmang isasara ko na ang gate pero agad na iniharang ni Russ ang kamay niya. Napakunot ang noo ko. Ano na naman bang problema nito?

“R-Rhiatt… Pwede ba kitang matulungan? N-nagpaalam ako sa coach ko na hindi rin ako sasali sa susunod na laban. G-gusto ko sanang makabawi sa’yo hanggang sa maging maayos ang lagay mo,” sabi niya, tila maiiyak na.

Naiiritang kumamot ako sa batok ko. Mukhang totoo ang mga bali-balita na mabait ‘tong gunggong na ‘to. Naalala ko may nakwento si Hugo noon na nag-donate ‘to si Russ charity ng mga bata. Binigay niya sa charity ang sweldo niya for three months. At noong na-injure si Camacho ng Team Hotshots dahil kay Russ, araw-araw daw itong binisita ni gago dahil nakonsensya kahit si Camacho naman kung tutuusin ang may kasalanan.

Ayoko sa mga tulad niya. I don’t really get along with people who are overly kind like him. Siguro masama lang talaga ang ugali ko kaya ganoon.

“I brought fruits and packed lunch with me. Baka hindi ka makapagluto,” sabi niya saka ipinakita sa akin ang dala niyang mga prutas at paper bag.

“Bakit ka may dalang prutas? Tanga ka ba? Hindi naman ako pasyente,” iritadong sabi ko pa.

“I-I’m sorry, hindi ako matatahimik kapag hindi kita tinulungan,” sabi niya saka pumikit nang mariin.

Natulos ako sa kinatatayuan ko nang pwersahan siyang pumasok sa loob. Napaawang na lang ang mga labi ko habang nakatingin sa kaniya.

Baliw ba siya?!

Kulang na lang pasukan ng langaw ang bibig ko nang basta siya pumasok sa loob ng bahay ko. Naiinis na sinundan ko siya.

Hinanap niya ang dining area. Agad siyang nagtungo roon at nilagay sa mesa ang dala niyang prutas at paper bag.

“Trespassing ‘tong ginagawa mo! Gago ka ba?!” asik ko.

Gusto ko siyang sapakin ngayon, kaso hindi ko magawang sumapak ng katulad niya. He looks like a girl. Pakiramdam ko nanapak ako ng babae kapag sinapak ko siya.

“I-I’m really sorry, Rhiatt… Hindi talaga ako matatahimik hangga’t hindi ako nakakabawi sa’yo,” bulong niya.

“Ano ba’ng bawi ang pinagsasasabi mo, e, ako ang nanulak sa’yo?!”

Tang ina. Ayaw ko mang aminin pero katangahan ko ang may kasalanan kaya nangyari ‘to sa’kin. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba’ng dapat kong ipukpok sa taong ‘to para umalis na lang at tantanan ako.

I froze when I heard a sniffle. I looked at Russ, and I was stunned when I noticed that he was about to cry.

“I-I’m sorry… Dapat hindi ko na lang iniwasan ang tulak mo para ako na lang ang natumba,” paghingi niya pa ng tawad.

Muling napaawang ang mga labi ko habang nakatingin sa kaniya.

Is he for real?!

“Tanga ka ba?!” asik ko. Napahawak ako sa batok ko dahil pakiramdam ko tumataas ang dugo ko sa inis sa taong ‘to.

Pinahid niya ang mga luha saka kinuha ang lunch box sa paper bag na dala niya. Binuksan niya iyon at ipinakita sa akin.

Plano ko sanang itapon ang kung ano mang ibibigay niya sa akin, pero napaatras ako nang makitang sinigang ang dala niya.

Tumikhim ako. “Okay, tang ina sige na nga. Kakainin ko ‘yan. Pero sa susunod ‘wag ka nang mag-abala. Baka masapak na kita, e!”

Napangiti siya sa sinabi ko. Agad siyang kumuha ng plato, kutsara, at tinidor na para bang bahay niya ito. Hindi ko malaman sa taong ito kung mahiyaan ba talaga o makapal ang mukha.

Ipinaghain niya ako. Hindi na lang ako nagsalita at hinayaan siya. Napataas ang kilay ko at tinitigan ang mukha niya.

Tang ina. Magkahawig ba talaga kami ng ungas na ‘to? Parang hindi ko matanggap.

“Hoy, sa tingin mo ba magkamukha tayo?” tanong ko.

Natigilan siya at tumingin sa akin saka tumango. “O-oo… Hindi naman imposible ‘yon dahil magpinsan tayo.”

Nasamid ako sa sariling laway dahil sa sinabi niya. “Ano?!” tanong ko.

Napakurap siya saka tumango. “H-hindi mo ba alam na magpinsan tayo?” tanong niya pa.

“Mukha bang alam ko? Kita mong gulat na gulat ako, ‘di ba?” sarkastikong sabi ko na lang.

Tang ina malay ko ba. Wala naman akong pakialam sa iba kong mga kamag-anak. I rarely attend family gatherings. Kung toxic ang mga magulang ko, mas malala pa ang mga tita at tito ko. Kaya ayokong nakikita ang mga pagmumukha nila. Binibisita ko lang sila tuwing may namamatay.

Masama na nga ang ugali ko, e. Baka lalo pang sumama kapag lagi ko silang nakikita.

“A-anak ako ni Venicia at Orlando Prodigalidad,” bulong niya.

Natigilan ako. “Anak ka pala nila?” tanong ko.

Kapatid ni Mama si Tito Orlando… Bakit hindi ko na-realize na baka magkamag-anak kami ng Russ na ‘to? Prodigalidad ang middle name ko. May pagkatanga rin ako, e.

“Bakit hindi kita nakikita pag family gathering?” tanong ko.

Naalala ko na dalawang beses pa lang pala ako um-attend ng family gathering sa tanang buhay ko.

Napaiwas siya ng tingin sa akin. “H-hindi ako tanggap nina Mama… K-kasi ‘di ba? Bakla ako…” bulong niya.

Natigilan ako. “Gago, totoo bang bakla ka?” tanong ko. “Akala ko chismis lang.”

“Bakla ako… Alam mo naman sa pamilya natin, religious sila. Kaya hindi nila ako matanggap. Napunta ako paminsan minsan sa bahay, pero hindi nila ako pinapapasok. High school pa lang wala na ako sa bahay dahil hindi nila ako matanggap.”

Natahimik ako. Hindi na nakakagulat iyon. Mas pipiliin pa nila itakwil ang anak nila kaysa kilalanin o tanggapin na bakla ito. Ganoong ganoon din naman sina Mama. Mas malala lang siguro sina Tito Orlando.

Sumubo ako ng kanin. “How did you survive?”

“Mga part time lang. Tapos pinag-aral ko ang sarili ko sa college. Nakakuha naman ako ng full scholarship dahil sa basketball. Nakatapos naman ako at maayos ayos na ang buhay ko ngayon. Kaso hindi pa rin ako napapatawad nina Mama at Papa,” sabi niya habang pinaglalaruan ang mga daliri niya.

Natahimik ako. It seemed like he had a rough life. Kung tutuusin pwede siyang magalit sa mga magulang niya… pero siya pa itong humihingi ng tawad.

Natigilan ako at napailing. Bakit ko ba kinakampihan ‘tong ungas na ‘to?

“Alam kong pinsan kita kaso nahihiya akong i-approach ka palagi kasi nakakatakot ang hitsura mo,” sabi niya saka nahihiyang ngumiti sa akin.

Totoo naman. Medyo magkabaligtad kami nito. Kung gaano siya kabait tingnan, ganoon naman ako kamukhang gago.

Pagkatapos kong kumain. Hinugasan ni Russ ang pinggan na ginamit ko. Hinayaan ko na lang siya dahil ayaw niyang magpa-awat.

Naalala ko na siya. Siya ang madalas banggitin ni Mama sa amin ni Ate Rhianne. ‘Wag daw kaming tumulad sa anak ni Tito Orlando na makasalanan.

Ito pala ang kasalanan na sinasabi nila.

Tumayo na lang ako at lumabas. Agad namang sumunod sa akin si Russ.

“Saan ka pupunta?” tanong niya.

“Maglalakad lakad… Ikaw naman, lumayas ka na sa bahay ko,” sabi ko na lang saka humawak sa braso niya at hinila siya palabas.

Saktong paglabas namin ng gate, lumabas din si Evron ng bahay niya. Natigilan siya… Nakita ko ang gulat sa mga mata niya nang mapatingin kay Russ.

Chapter Seven

Naramdaman kong nag-panic si Russ. Naramdaman kong bahagya siyang nanginig dahil hawak ko siya sa braso. Agad siyang napaiwas ng tingin kay Evron.

“Ano’ng tinitingin tingin mo?” tanong ko kay Evron.

Evron looked coldly at me. “You’re gripping him too tight,” sabi niya saka itinuro ang kamay kong nakahawak sa braso ni Russ.

Agad ko namang binitiwan si Russ. I didn’t realize I was holding him too hard.

I sighed and looked at Evron. “Bakit ka ba nakikialam? I don’t care if you like me or not? Wala kang karapatan mamuna sa mga ginagawa ko dahil lang nagseselos ka,” naiinis na sabi ko.

Naramdaman kong nagulat si Russ sa sinabi ko. Napakunot naman ang noo ni Evron.

“What the hell are you even saying?” tanong pa niya.

I smirked and crossed my arms. Nagsisi ako dahil naramdaman kong sumakit ang balikat ko pero ininda ko na lang dahil gusto kong magmukhang maangas.

“Wala ka nang mapapala sa pagpapanggap, Evron. Alam ko na naman na may gusto ka sa akin. Kahit ano’ng pagpapapansin ang gawin mo, hindi kita magugustuhan. I’m fucking straight,” I said, putting him on his place.

Evron licked his lower lip and brushed his hair with his fingers. “Fuck. What’s wrong with you? Where did you even hear that?” naiiritang tanong pa ni Evron.

“Hindi na mahalaga ‘yon… Bistado ka na, e. Nanood ka pa nga ng game ko kahapon. Gano’n mo ba ako kagusto?” napapangiwing tanong ko.

Naramdaman kong nagulat si Russ sa sinabi ko. Napatingin si Evron kay Russ at napalunok, saka muling tumingin sa akin.

Nahihiya ba siya na malaman ng iba na bakla siya at may gusto sa akin? Tang ina. Ako nga dapat ang mahiya!

“I-I didn’t,” Evron said. It seemed like he panicked a little.

I smirked and shook his head. He was just to obvious, pero todo tanggi pa rin siya.

“Stop doing things to make me notice you… Halatang halata ka na…” napapailing na sabi ko. “What did I even do for you to like me?”

Evron shook his head. Hindi na siya nagsalita at pumasok na lang sa loob ng bahay niya. Napailing ako. Kakalabas lang niya pero pumasok ulit. Ganoon ba siya kahiya sa akin?

Naglakad lakad na lang ako. Natigilan ako nang mapansin na nakasunod pa rin sa akin si ungas na Russ.

“Hoy, sabi ko umalis ka na, e. Bakit ka pa nakasunod?” naiiritang tanong ko.

He cleared his throat and played with his fingers. Mannerism niya na yata iyon…

“M-may gusto sa’yo yung lalaki kanina?” tanong niya.

Tumingin ako sa kaniya. “Oo raw. Tang ina… Ano’ng akala niya? Papatulan ko siya?” Umiling ako. “Nakita niya na ba ang sarili niya sa salamin? Ang laki laki niya.”

“I-it’s maybe because he’s a top,” bulong ni Russ.

Tumingin ako kay Russ. “Ano’ng top?”

“Uhm… K-kumbaga sa gay relationship, in terms of sexual intercourse, sila ‘yung napasok sa—”

I immediately cut him off. “No! Fuck, I don’t want to hear it!”

Russ blinked. “But you’re the one who asked what that means.”

Napangiwi ako saka tumuloy sa paglalakad. Natigilan ako nang may mapagtanto ako. “By the way, how did you know that he’s like that? I mean t-top?” I asked. Nahirapan pa akong sabihin ang top na iyan.

Tang ina. Mag-iiba na tuloy ang iisipin ko sa top at bottom na iyan.

“W-wala lang, feeling ko lang,” sabi na lang niya.

Napataas ang kilay ko saka napangisi. “Ano? Type mo ba ‘yong Evron na ‘yon kaya mo natanong kung may gusto ‘yon sa’kin?” tanong ko.

Napalunok si Russ saka umiling. “N-no…”

Humawak ako sa balikat ko. “Pwede naman… Irereto kita ro’n para hindi na ako ang pagdiskitahan niya.”

“H-hindi… Wala akong interes sa pakikipagrelasyon ngayon,” sabi na lang niya.

Umismid ako. “E ‘di ‘wag.”

“A-are you not interested in him?” tanong pa ni Russ.

“Kanino? Kay Evron?” nakakunot-noong tanong ko.

He just nodded.

“Hindi mo ba narinig ang sinabi ko kanina? Sinabing straight nga ako… Kilabutan ka nga! Posible pang makalipad ang baboy kaysa maging bakla ako!”

Russ laughed and scratched his nape. “I was just asking… Malay mo type mo pala siya.”

Natigilan ako nang may dalawang babae na lumapit sa amin. Ngiting ngiti sila habang nakatingin kay Russ.

“Ikaw si Russ Prodigalidad, ‘di ba?! Pwede pong pa-picture kami sa’yo?” tila kinikilig na tanong ng isang babae.

Ngumiti si Russ at tumango. “Okay lang po.”

Tumingin sa akin ang babae. “Pwede po pa-picture kami kasama si Russ?” sabi niya saka inabot sa akin ang cellphone niya.

Gusto ko sanang ihagis ang cellphone niya, pero pinilit kong magtimpi. Kinuha ko ang cellphone niya saka lumayo sa kanila para kuhanan sila ng picture.

Pagkatapos ko silang kuhanan, inabot ko na agad sa babae ang cellphone at nauna nang maglakad.

Tang ina kasi ng Russ na ‘to. Kung hindi siya sumama sa akin maglakad, hindi sana ako magiging tagakuha lang ng picture niya sa fans niya.

Saka bakit ba walang nagpapa-picture sa akin?!

Napaismid ako. Yeah, right. I look like a fucking angry bird.

Agad na sumunod sa akin si Russ. Tumikhim siya saka tila nahihiyang tumingin sa akin.

“Sorry about that.”

“Niyayabangan mo ba ako dahil may fans ka?” naiiritang tanong ko.

“B-but you have fans too. Natatakot lang sila lumapit sa’yo…” bulong niya.

“Bakit ba sila natatakot lumapit sa’kin?!” asik ko.

Napatingin sa amin ang ibang dumadaan dahil napataas pala ang boses ko.

Russ bit his lower lip. “That’s exactly the reason why no one’s approaching you,” he honestly said.

“Ah, fuck them all,” I muttered and shook my head.

Marahang natawa si Russ. Napakunot ang noo ko at nagtatakang tumingin sa kaniya.

“Ano ba’ng tinatawa tawa mong ungas ka?” tanong ko.

He chuckled. “I don’t have someone that I like in my relatives, aside from my parents of course… But I find you quite likeable now.” He smiled. “I thought you’re scary, but in reality… you’re not that scary at all… It’s quite fun seeing you mad. You look cute.”

Dinakma ko ang batok niya. Napadaing naman siya dahil sa pagkabigla. “Ako? Cute? Tanga ka ba?”

Imbis na matakot, natawa na lang ulit siya. “I’m sorry, did that offend you?”

“Talagang na-offend ako! Tang ina! Lumayas layas ka nga sa harapan ko at baka matadyakan kita,” naiinis na sabi ko saka binitiwan siya.

Hinimas ni Russ ang batok niya saka ngumiti sa akin. “Okay, I’ll go ahead. Bibisitahin na lang ulit kita kapag may dala na akong pagkain.”

Umamba ako na sisipain siya, pero hindi naman siya natinag. “Sabi nang ‘wag mo na ‘ko dalhan, e! Makakabili naman ako ng pagkain! Ano ako, tanga?!” asik ko. “Wag ka ngang magpunta at baka mahawa pa ako sa kabadingan mo.”

Russ laughed. “So, there’s a chance for you to be gay?” he asked.

Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. He’s using fucking weird logic with me. “Wala… Tatadyakan na talaga kita.”

“Don’t worry, hindi naman nakakahawa ang sexuality…” sabi niya saka ngumiti. “Sige, mauna na ako, Rhiatt. Mag-ingat ka pag uuwi ka na.”

“Masakit lang ang balikat ko pero hindi ako naging tanga…” nakakunot-noong sabi ko.

Natawa na lang si Russ saka nagpaalam na at muling bumalik sa bahay ko dahil nandoon ang kotse niya, nakaparada.

Napailing na lang ako at muling naglakad lakad.

Plot twist yata sa akin na pinsan ko pala ang ungas na ‘yon. Kaya pala naiirita ako sa kaniya.

Saglit lang akong naglakad lakad… Napagdesisyunan kong bumalik na rin agad sa bahay.

Pero natigilan ako nang makitang kalalabas lang din ni Evron sa bahay niya.

Napailing ako nang maalala ko ang nangyari kanina. Agad akong lumapit sa kaniya. Natigilan naman siya at tumingin sa akin nang lapitan ko siya.

“I’m just here to remind you that I will never like you or see you in a way—”

He immediately cut me off. “That man earlier… Who is he in your life?” he asked while staring intently at me.

Damn this man. Mukhang wala na siyang balak itago ang pagkagusto sa akin. Hindi ba siya kinikilabutan? Saan siya kumuha ng lakas ng loob na magselos?

Fuck. He’s hopeless.

Chapter Eight

I shook my head and looked at him as if he’s already a hopeless case.

“Pwede ilugar mo ‘yang selos na ‘yan?! I told you I will never like you. I will never swing that way,” iritadong sabi ko. “Saka sa tingin mo papatol ako ro’n? Bukod sa hindi ako bakla, pinsan ko ‘yon!” asik ko.

Natigilan ako nang mapansin kong tila nakahinga siya nang maluwag.

“What’s with that reaction? Ano? Masaya ka dahil pinsan ko ‘yon?” tanong ko.

Lumapit ako sa kaniya. I grabbed the neckline of his shirt and glared at him. Halatang natigilan siya sa ginawa ko… But he remained staring at me with a cold expression.

“Ngayon pa lang, sinasabi ko na sa’yo. Tigilan mo ‘yang mga pantasya mo tungkol sa’kin… I was planning to piss you off and make your life a living hell, but I changed my mind… Just fucking stop fantasizing about me,” I said with gritted teeth.

Hinawakan ni Evron ang kamay ko at walang kahirap-hirap na inalis ang pagkakahawak ko sa kaniya. “I can’t believe someone like you exists. You’re fucking delusional…” malamig na sabi niya saka marahas na binitiwan ang kamay ko.

Umiling ako at naiinis na itinulak siya, pero para akong nanulak ng pader. Nagsisi rin agad ako dahil sumakit na naman ang balikat ko.

Gusto kong dumaing sa sakit, pero pinigil ko.

Tang ina! Dapat mukha pa rin akong maangas.

Evron shook his head and crossed his arms. “Ano? Masakit?” tila nang-iinis na tanong niya, but his voice remained cold.

“Hindi! Bakit ka ba nakikialam?!” singhal ko.

Agad ko na rin siyang tinalikuran saka pumasok sa bahay ko.

Tang inang Evron ‘yan! Ano’ng tingin niya sa akin… mahina?!

Nagtungo na lang ako sa kuwarto ko at humiga sa kama. Kinuha ko ang cellphone ko at nag scroll na lang sa social media.

Natigilan ako nang mapansin na in-add ako ni Russ sa Facebook. Napaismid ako saka d-in-elete ang friend request niya.

Ano’ng akala niya? Close na kami? Tanga ba siya?

Nag-chat si Connor sa group chat namin.

Connor: Kumusta ang disney princess na si

@Rhiatt

? 🥺🥺🥺

Naiinis na nagtype ako ng reply.

Me: Bobo!

Nag-haha react sila ni Leander sa reply ko. Ang hirap din kapag matagal mo nang kaibigan, e. Hindi na nila sineseryoso ang galit ko.

Connor: Btw, ano dude? Interested ka ba sa nirereto ko sa’yo? Na-stalk mo na ba?

Natigilan ako nang maalala kong hindi ko pa pala tinitingnan ang facebook account ng nirereto sa akin ni Connor.

Napangiwi ako nang mapagtantong inuna ko pang i-stalk ang account ng Evron na ‘yon.

Me: Pass muna. Saka na kapag magaling na ‘yung balikat ko.

Inilapag ko na ang cellphone ko sa bedside table saka pumikit.

Wala ba talagang ibang magawa?

HINDI KO NAPANSING nakatulog pala ako. Nagising lang ako dahil panay ang tunog ng doorbell.

Naiinis na bumangon ako at dumiretso sa balcony para silipin kung sino.

Napamura ako nang makitang sina Mama pala iyon.

I don’t want to open the door for them because I’m not in the mood to talk to them, but I have no choice.

“Rhiatt, nabalitaan ko ang nangyari sa’yo!” bungad ni Mama pagkapasok sa bahay ko.

I knew it.

“Ma, hindi pa naman ako patay,” iritadong sabi ko na lang saka napakamot sa batok ko.

Pumasok na si Mama sa loob at dumiretso sa kitchen. Inilabas niya ang mga pagkaing dala niya… pati mga sermon na dala niya.

“I told you, just stop playing basketball! Ito tuloy ang nangyayari! Baka kung ano pa ang mangyari sa’yo kakaganyan mo! Kung inuuna mo na lang ang pagtatrabaho as an architect at ang paghahanap ng mapapangasawa,” panenermon ni Mama.

Umismid ako. “I just want to do things that I enjoy. I will only live once. And besides, isn’t it the best that I get to do what I want while earning money out of it?” I asked.

Alam ko naman na kahit ano ang sabihin ko rito, hindi makikinig sina Mama. Sila lang ang tama palagi. Minsan hindi ko na lang din kinokontra at hindi naman ako nananalo sa kanila.

“Kumusta si Ate?” tanong ko saka kumuha ng saging at binalatan iyon.

Napaismid si Mama. “Hindi ko siya kinakausap. Hindi siya makakabalik ng bahay hangga’t hindi niya itinatama ang sarili niya. Ano ba’ng akala niya? Hindi ko siya kayang itakwil? Kung si Kuya Orlando nga nagawa sa anak niyang lalaki, e. Kaya ko rin!” asik ni Mama habang napapailing.

“Mukhang kaya naman ni Ate Rhianne na hindi umuwi ng bahay at hindi kayo makausap… Baka ikaw ang hindi matahimik…” nakangising sabi ko saka kumagat sa saging.

Kilala ko si Mama. Paborito niyan si Ate Rhianne. Sa kanilang dalawa, si Mama ang mas mahihirapan dahil sa pagmamatigas niya.

“Hayaan niyo na lang si Ate sa gusto niya. Ilang taon din naman siyang nagsakripisyo para sa pamilya,” sabi ko saka lumapit kay Mama at umakbay.

Kahit ako naman ay hindi ko rin matiis si Ate Rhianne. She’s still my sister. Ano man ang gusto niyang gawin o gusto niyang makatuluyan, hindi naman maaalis na kapatid ko pa rin siya at kadugo. Mahal ko pa rin iyon kahit pa babae ang gusto niya.

Tumingin ako kay Mama na biglang natahimik at napatulala. Alam kong ganoon din naman sina Mama. Nadadala lang sila ng opinyon ng mga toxic naming kamag-anak.

“Paano na lang kami magkakaroon ng apo?! Oo at pwede silang mag-ampon, pero paano kami magkakaroon ng apo?” sabi naman ni Papa.

Napangisi ako. “Nandito naman ako, e. Magkakaroon pa kayo ng apo sa akin… Kahit isang dosenang apo pa ibigay ko sa inyo, e.”

Umismid si Mama. “Kailan pa iyan?! Baka patay na kami, wala pa rin kaming apo sa’yo!”

“Nag-iipon pa ako sa future, Mama. Hindi na madaling magkaroon ng anak ngayon dahil sa ekonomiyang ‘to. Siyempre, gusto ko ng magandang future sa anak ko. Ayokong mahirapan sila sa future at maging retirement plan ko. Gusto ko masarap ang buhay ng magiging anak ko. Kaya wait lang, okay? Ako’ng bahala.”

Tang ina. Bakit ko ba ine-explain ‘to, e, wala pa nga akong girlfriend?

Pagkatapos ni Mama mambulabog sa akin, umuwi na rin sila dahil may aasikasuhin pa raw sila.

Umupo ako sa couch saka kinuha ang cellphone ko. Nag-iisip pa rin ako ng pwedeng pagkaabalahan habang may pilay ako. Wala naman akong ibang hobby kundi basketball.

Tiningnan ko kung online sina Connor, kaso offline ang mga gago. Mukhang nasa trabaho pa sila.

Napahawak ako sa baba ko nang mapatingin sa canvas na nasa sala. Matagal na noong huling beses na nag-drawing ako. Kinalawang na kaya ako?

Napangiwi ako at napahawak sa balikat ko. Mukhang hindi rin pala ako makakapag-drawing.

Naiinis na tumayo ako at lumabas na lang ng bahay. Masisiraan yata ako ng ulo dahil sa pagka-bored.

Pagkalabas ko ng bahay, natigilan ako nang mapansin ang maliit na aso malapit sa paanan ko. Sa sobrang liit nito, muntik ko pang naapakan.

I stared at the dog. It was staring at me too with its tongue out. It was staring innocently at me. It was a white teacup pomeranian… Alam ko kaagad kung kaninong aso ito.

“Hoy, bansot… Bakit ka nandito sa labas?” tanong ko.

I looked at Evron’s place. Napailing ako nang makitang nakabukas ang gate niya. Kaya pala.

I looked at the dog again. Lumapit ito sa akin, tila gustong sumama.

I’m not really fond of pets. Kaya hindi ako nag-aalaga ng hayop dahil hindi naman ako responsable. I find them cute, yes… But I knew I won’t be able to take care of them. Kaya tamang nood na lang ako ng mga aso at pusa sa Facebook.

Kinuha ko ang aso. Ang gaan nito at ang liit. Mukha siyang bulak.

Natigilan ako nang biglang lumabas sa gate si Evron. He looked pale, as if he was so scared. Napatingin siya sa akin pati sa bansot na asong hawak ko.

Natigilan ako nang lumapit siya sa akin. Kinuha niya ang aso niya saka kinwelyuhan ako. Nagulat ako sa ginawa niya.

“Did you just take my dog?” mariing tanong niya. Parang gusto niya na akong durugin ngayon.

Naiinis na inalis ko ang pagkakahawak niya sa akin. “Tarantado ka pala, e! Tang ina wala akong pakialam sa aso mo! Kinuha ko lang para ibalik sana sa’yo!” asik ko saka marahas siyang tinulak.

Natigilan siya sa sinabi ko, napaatras siya saka napaiwas ng tingin.

“I-I’m sorry… I thought you—”

I immediately cut him off. “Wala akong plano sa aso mo! Ano ba?”

Natigilan ako nang may mapagtanto ako… Naningkit ang mga mata ko saka nag-aakusang tumingin sa kaniya.

I shook my head and crossed my arms. “Is this your another tactic?” I asked.

Evron’s forehead creased. “What?”

“You let your dog out on purpose, and then you made that dog come here so that I’ll see it… And then you saw us… and you pretended to get mad…” Napangisi ako. “Para ano? Para hindi ko na isipin na may gusto ka sa akin?”

Evron licked his lower lip and looked at me with disbelief. “What?”

Chapter Nine

“Sometimes, I just don’t know where you’re getting all that confidence, Rhiatt,” Evron said and shook his head.

I sighed. “It’s because you’re too obvious, Evron… I just know you desperately want me… You gays like handsome men.”

Saglit na natahimik si Evron. I smirked and shook my head. Did I hit a nerve?

I stopped when I noticed that he chuckled. I looked at him with disbelief. I never thought this stoic man would ever laugh. He looked at me like I’m some sort of a laughing stock.

“Hey, not all gays are like that… We’re not the type who’ll like every handsome man that we see… We’re better than that,” he said, still chuckling.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit naiinis ako sa sinasabi niya… He’s still trying to deny it. Huling huli na nga siya, tinatanggi niya pa rin. I’m expecting it. Hindi naman siya aamin, e.

Naglakad siya palapit sa akin. Natigilan ako at bahagyang napaatras.

Tang ina. Sasapakin niya ba ako?

Napangiwi ako. Alam kong isang sapak niya lang sa akin, plakda na ako.

Napalunok ako at tumingin nang masama sa kaniya. “Ano? Magnanakaw ka ng halik? Mananapak? Ano?!” asik ko.

Wala na akong maatrasan dahil gate ko na ang nasa likod ko. Humakbang pa siya ng isang hakbang saka matiim na tumitig sa akin.

“Why would I even like you if I’m more handsome than you?” he asked in a cold tone.

Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig. Naramdaman kong nag-iinit ang mukha ko dahil sa hiya… at sa halo-halong pakiramdam na nararamdaman ko.

I laughed bitterly. I looked at him with disbelief. “Ikaw? Mas guwapo sa akin?”

Fuck! I know that he’s more handsome than me. Pero hindi ko matanggap. Mainit talaga ang ulo ko sa mga taong mas guwapo sa akin.

Natigilan ako nang kwelyuhan niya ako uli. Ngayon ko mas lalong naramdaman ang height difference naming dalawa. I feel like he’s going to devour me whole.

“You know what… I can easily break your bones and put a black eye on your face… But you see, I’m someone who’s got a lot of patience. I did everything I can to ignore you and you’re fucking delusional ass because I don’t want to get in trouble for hurting a famous and spoiled professional basketball player… So, please… Fucking do me a favor and stop pissing me off before I actually lose my shit,” he said in a cold tone while glaring at me.

Napalunok ako… Aaminin ko medyo natatakot ako.

Tang ina, sino ba’ng hindi? Ang laki ng taong ‘to. Kung magsasapakan kami ngayon, hindi ko alam kung may laban ako. Sanay ako makipag-away nung high school at college, pero hindi ako lumalaban sa alam kong hindi ko matatalo.

Pero umiiral sa akin ang pride ko ngayon.

Imposibleng matalo ako ng bakla sa suntukan. Kahit na malaki ang katawan niya, bakla pa rin siya.

“Ang yabang mong bakla ka! Ano’ng tingin mo, uurungan kita?!” sigaw ko saka buong lakas na itinulak siya.

Natigilan ako nang lumapit siya sa akin. Hinablot niya ang panga ko saka hinila ako palapit sa kaniya. Aaminin kong bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko dahil nakaramdam ako nang kaunting takot.

Tumingin ako sa mukha niya. Natigagal ako nang ngumisi siya sa akin.

“You’re too much of a homophobic for a self-proclaimed straight guy with a fucking pretty face,” he whispered, as if he was teasing me.

Pakiramdam ko nag-akyatan ang dugo sa ulo ko dahil sa sinabi niya. Tuluyang nagdilim ang paningin ko at sinapak siya.

Napaatras siya at natigilan sa ginawa ko. Tumingin siya sa akin habang nakangisi. Marahan niyang pinahid ang gilid ng labi saka malamig na tumingin sa akin.

“You’ve done it, huh…”

Gumanti siya nang malakas na suntok sa kain.. Tila nahilo ako roon at napaatras. Pakiramdam ko matutumba ako, pero pinilit kong hindi… dahil ayokong mapahiya sa harap ng gagong ‘to.

Damn. His punch was strong. It seemed like he didn’t even exert much effort because he’s holding his dog on his other hand. Pero ang lakas ng impact sa akin ng suntok niyang iyon.

Napangiwi ako at napahawak sa pisngi ko. Tumingin ako nang masama sa kaniya.

Kinwelyuhan ko siya at akmang susuntukin uli, pero natigilan ako at napangiwi nang maramdamang sumakit ang balikat ko. Umiling ako at pilit iyong hindi ininda.

Evron gripped my wrist and removed my hand from him.

“Are you alright?” he asked, he seemed a little nervous.

“This is nothing, fucker!” I shouted and pushed him away from me.

Evron touched his nape and sighed. “Damn. You just made me feel bad for punching you,” he muttered.

“Why do you have to fucking feel bad?!” asik ko. “Wala lang ‘to, gago!”

Pakiramdam ko naririnig kami ng ilang kapit-bahay, pero masyado na akong nadadala ng init ng ulo.

“Tumigil muna tayo, pwede? You’re injured,” he said in a cold tone and sighed.

Hindi ko ininda iyon. Naiinis na lumapit ako sa kaniya at muli siyang kinwelyuhan. Hindi siya pumalag. Nanatili siyang malamig na nakatingin sa akin.

“Why don’t you just fucking admit that you like me? Alam ko na rin naman! Lalo lang nakakainis kapag pilit mong itinatanggi!” naiinis na sabi ko. “And let me tell you this… I’m fucking disgusted by people like you… Kunwari pa, pero nasa loob ang kulo! Don’t think that doing things like this will make me like you! Nagkakamali ka… There’s no way in hell that I will become like you…”

Hindi nagsalita si Evron, nanatili lang siyang malamig na nakatitig sa akin. Tila naubusan na siya ng sasabihin. Napabuga siya ng hangin at hinimas ang batok niya.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath… as if he was preparing himself for something.

“I don’t know where you heard that fucking ridiculous rumor… but I really don’t like you. How can I even like you when I can’t stand seeing your face?” he asked. “You know what, I don’t even hate you… Hate is a strong feeling… I just don’t feel anything for you at all. I’m really confused. Why did you even think that I like you?”

Natahimik ako sa sinabi niya. Hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman doon.

“You’re not even my type. I don’t like guys with a rude mouth like you. Kahit ikaw ang matirang lalaki sa mundo, hindi kita papatulan. So, you don’t have to worry… You’re far from my type.” Umigting ang panga niya. “So, can you just fucking leave me alone and stop pestering me? I really can’t stand you at all.” He licked his lower lip and glared at me. “Ipasok mo sa maliit mong utak na hindi kita gusto… Yes, I’m gay… but I’m not stupid to like someone like you.”

Pagkasabi niya no’n ay agad niya rin akong iniwan at pumasok sa loob ng bahay niya.

Naiinis na pumasok na lang din ako sa loob ng bahay ko at dumiretso sa kuwarto ko. Humiga ako sa kama saka napahawak sa noo ko.

Tumitig ako sa kisame. Natigilan ako nang muli kong maalala ang mga sinabi niya kanina.

Napahilamos ako sa mukha ko… Parang gusto kong magwala.

Talaga bang hindi niya ako gusto?!

Chapter Ten

I honestly don’t know if I’m going to believe him or not. Parang mayroong parte sa akin na naniniwalang may gusto siya sa akin. Hindi ko naman kasi alam ang tumatakbo sa isip niya. Baka technique niya lang iyon para hindi ko mahalatang gusto niya ako.

“Gago… Hanga talaga ako sa determinasyon mong makipagsuntukan kay Evron,” napapailing na sabi ni Leander habang nakatingin sa gilid ng labi ko na may sugat.

Connor laughed. “Is this what they call ‘the more you hate, the more you love’ type of shit?” he asked, still laughing his ass off.

“Gago!” asik ko saka inangat ang gitnang daliri ko.

“Kung sino-sino naman kasing binabangga mo, dude. And besides, I already told you that whether he likes you or not, he’s not doing anything to harass you. It’s even the other way around. Ikaw ang nanggugulo sa kaniya. Give him a break, dude. He’s not doing anything wrong. Ikaw na ang unreasonable dito, to be honest,” Leander calmly explained.

Umismid ako at napahalukipkip. “Fuck him! I hate that asshole so damn much!”

Connor sighed and put his hands on the back of his head while sitting on my couch. “Okay, ganito na lang… Let’s see if he really likes you or not. Para matahimik ka na. Ano, game?”

Natigilan ako at tumingin sa kaniya. “How are we going to do that?”

Napahawak si Connor sa baba niya. “Pumasok tayo sa bahay niya… Baka may makita tayo ro’n na magpapatunay kung gusto ka talaga niya o hindi.”

Leander laughed. “Wow, that’s so damn easy,” he said in a sarcastic tone.

“Are you fucking out of your mind? Sa tingin mo ba papapasukin tayo ng gagong ‘yon sa bahay niya?” nakakunot-noong tanong ko.

“Siyempre hindi… Pero gagawa tayo ng paraan. Magpa-plano tayo. Ano ka ba?” napapailing na sabi ni Connor.

“May plano ka ba? Ayokong pasukin ang bahay niya nang walang consent niya. Ayokong makulong, dude. Stay me out of it,” umiiling na sabi ni Leander.

“Me too. I don’t want to ruin my basketball career over this.”

Connor laughed. “Anong basketball career ang sinasabi mo, e, mas marami ka pa ngang bashers kaysa sa fans?”

I took the pillow on the couch and threw it at him. He caught it while still laughing like an asshole.

“So, seryoso na… Alam niyo ba, pinangarap ko noon maging artista,” madramang sabi ni Connor saka humawak pa sa dibdib niya. “Nabanggit mo rin sa amin noon, Rhiatt, na gusto mo rin maging artista nu’ng bata ka.”

“What the random shit are you saying?” I asked and glared at him.

“Wait lang kasi… Connected ‘to sa plano ko. Makinig na lang muna, pwede?” Connor cleared his throat. “So, ayun nga. Hindi lingid sa kaalaman ng mga kapit-bahay natin, tigasin lang tingnan si Evron, pero mabait daw siya. ‘Yung aso na kini-keep niya ngayon, aso ‘yun nu’ng namatay nating kapit-bahay. Naawa siya, kaya iyon, inampon niya ‘yung aso kahit hindi raw siya marunong mag-alaga.”

Napakunot ang noo ko. Nalilito pa rin ako sa patutunguhan ng pinagsasasabi ni Connor, pero hindi ko na lang pinutol ang sinasabi niya.

“Last time, noong nagkasakit ‘yung pinaka matandang kapit-bahay natin, nagdonate siya ng fifty thousand doon sa pamilya. Mayroon ding pangyayari na may bike na nakabangga sa kotse niya, pero siya pa ang nagsorry at nagbayad du’n sa nakabangga sa kaniya,” paliwanag pa ni Connor.

“So… ano’ng kinalaman niyan sa plano mo?” tanong ni Leander.

“Ibig sabihin lang no’n, mabait si Evron. Kapag may napilayan sa harapan niya? Ano sa tingin niya ang gagawin niya? Malamang tutulungan niya… Tapos ano’ng sunod? Papapasukin niya sa bahay niya,” nakangising sabi ni Connor.

Natigilan ako at napaisip. Kahit bobo si Connor, mukhang may point siya sa pagkakataong ‘to.

“Who’s going to pretend though?” I asked.

They both looked at me as if I was kidding. My forehead creased.

“What?!” iritadong tanong ko.

“Malamang ikaw ang magpapanggap, dude. Alangan namang kami, ‘di ba? Gamit gamit din ng utak, bro. ‘Wag puro init ng ulo,” natatawang sabi ni Connor.

“Tang ina! Sinasabi niyo ba’ng dapat akong maging alay at pumasok sa teritoryo ng ungas na Evron na ‘yon?!” hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko.

Tumango sila. Pakiramdam ko pinagtutulungan ako ng mga bobo na ‘to.

“P’re ang OA naman sa alay. Hindi ka naman mamamatay, ‘no. Aarte ka lang na napilayan kuno sa harapan ni Evron. Tapos kunwari mawawalan ka ng malay, parang gano’n… Basta mag-iinarte ka hanggang sa papasukin ka niya sa bahay niya,” Connor said and wriggled his eyebrows.

I laughed and shook my head. “Damn. There’s no way I’ll do that, asshole!”

No fucking way!

---

“Alam mo na ang gagawin mo, ha, Rhiatt? Basta paglabas niya, sadyain mo na mabunggo siya tapos kunwari masasaktan ka. Hawak ka na lang sa balikat mo para maawa siya,” bulong ni Connor sa akin.

Nandito kami sa likod ng gate ko, hindi pa kami lumalabas dahil hindi pa nalabas ng bahay si Evron.

Tang ina ng dalawang ‘to! Talagang pinilit akong gawin ito.

Napapikit ako nang mariin at napahalukipkip. Ano ba’ng katangahan ito?!

Natigilan kami nang marinig na bumukas ang gate ng bahay ni Evron. Dali dali akong itinulak nina Leander palabas. Napamura na lang ako sa isip ko.

Tang ina talaga!

Napatingin ako kay Evron na hindi ako tinatapunan ng tingin. Nakasuot siya ng itim na sando at gray na shorts. Mukhang pupunta siya sa gym niya.

Napangiwi ako at inalala ang itinuro sa akin ni Connor. I really don’t want to do this. But damn. I’m already here.

Lumakad ako palapit sa kaniya at sinadyang mabangga siya. Nagkunwari akong natumba sa sahig. Agad naman akong dumaing saka humawak sa balikat ko.

Natigilan si Evron at tumingin sa akin. “What happened?” he asked… and just like what Connor said, he really seemed concerned.

Tanga ba ‘to?!

Just like what Connor taught me, I pretended to be in pain and closed my eyes tightly.

But seriously, my shoulder hurts a little because of the stupid stunt that I did.

I groaned, pretending to be in pain. This is fucking embarrassing to be honest.

Inalalayan ako ni Evron na tumayo. Nagpanggap akong dumadaing habang nakahawak sa braso ko. Inalalayan niya ako at pinapasok sa bahay niya… kagaya ng sabi ni Connor.

Fuck, is this man even serious?! Kahit magnanakaw, maloloko siya, e!

He made me sit on his couch. I stole a glance from my peripheral view.

I didn’t expect his house to look like this. Naglalaro sa beige and white ang interior ng bahay niya. He has a minimalist style house. Simple pero elegante naman tingnan. Mukha rin siyang malinis sa bahay. Mas malaki ang bahay ko sa kaniya, pero mas maganda ang bahay niya. Ang bango rin ng bahay niya. Amoy fabric conditioner. Siguro kakatapos niya lang maglaba.

“Hey, can you speak? Do you want me to take you to the hospital?” he asked in a worried tone.

I didn’t answer and continued to pretend. I kept on groaning in pain while touching my shoulder.

“Wait… I’ll prepare water and first aid kit for you,” sabi niya saka nagmamadaling umalis.

Tumigil na ako sa ginagawa ko at pasimple siyang hinabol ng tingin. Hindi makapaniwalang napailing ako.

Sobrang utu-uto naman ng gagong ‘yon.

Tumayo ako at agad na tumingin sa paligid. Wala naman akong ibang makita kundi mga vase at painting. Seryoso bang may makukuha akong impormasyon sa bahay ng ungas na ‘to?!

Natigilan ako nang mapatingin sa isang wooden drawer. May mga picture frames doon. Puro picture niya iyon. May picture din doon ang sa tingin ko ay mga magulang niya.

Natigilan ako at natigagal nang mapatingin sa isang picture… Picture iyon ni Evron… kasama si Russ. Nakangiti silang dalawa sa picture habang magkadikit ang pisngi.

Tang ina?

May nakasulat sa baba ng picture…

I will never get over you… Can you please come back to me?

Tang ina… Nagkaroon sila ng relasyon ni Russ?!

“I knew it…”

Napapitlag ako nang marinig ang boses ni Evron. I looked at him. He was staring coldly at me with his arms crossed. He slightly tilted his head.

Fuck!

Chapter Eleven

“Gago… Seryoso ba ‘to?!” tanong ko saka itinuro ang picture nila ni Russ.

Agad na lumapit sa akin si Evron saka ibinaba ang picture frame. Napalunok ako at tumingin sa kaniya… nakatingala pala dahil ang tangkad ng gagong ‘to. Ang lapit namin sa isa’t isa… Tang ina, ang awkward!

“I knew it… You don’t have good intentions,” malamig na sabi niya habang nakatingin nang masama sa akin.

I licked my lower lip and looked at him with disbelief. “Ikaw ang dapat kabahan sa’ting dalawa… Ano ‘to, ungas?! May relasyon kayo ng pinsan kong bakla?!” asik ko.

Bahagya siyang umatras at napaiwas ng tingin. “We’re not in a relationship anymore,” bulong niya.

Napatulala ako at napatitig sa sahig. Pinagtatagpi-tagpi ng isip ko ang mga posibilidad. Natigilan ako nang may ideyang pumasok sa isip ko.

I looked at him and touched my chin. He looked at me too. His forehead creased.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked.

“So, you like me because I look like my cousin?” suspetya ko.

Bahagyang napaawang ang mga labi niya, tila hindi makapaniwala sa sinabi ko.

“W-what?” he asked in disbelief.

I shook my head and massaged my temple. “Damn. You have a crush on me because I look like Russ. I get it now.”

Mas lalong nagulat si Evron sa sinabi ko. “What the fuck?”

I touched his shoulder. “Pare, una sa lahat. Hindi kami magkamukha ni Russ dahil mas gwapo ako roon. Saka please lang, p’re. ‘Wag mo ‘ko gamitin para lang maka move on do’n sa tao!”

Inalis ni Evron ang pagkakahawak ko sa braso niya. “Do you fucking hear yourself? I don’t like you, damn. You don’t even look like Russ. He’s prettier than you.”

Napangiwi ako sa sinabi niya. Hindi ko alam kung bakit parang naapakan ang pride ko sa sinabi niya.

Of course I’m not pretty. I’m not a girl… I’m not gay. But it feels like he’s telling me that my gay ass cousin is better than me.

“Kung wala na kami ni Russ, bakit naman ikaw ang ipapalit ko?” Evron asked in an insulting manner. “He’s kind and gentle. He’s caring. He doesn’t curse. He’s selfless and loving… So why would I replace someone like him in my heart?” He stared coldly at me. “Why would I replace him with someone who’s not even half as great as him?”

Para akong sinampal sa sinabi niya. Napahalukipkip ako…

Is he telling me that Russ is fucking way better than me?

Lumapit sa akin si Evron. He gripped my wrist. Natigilan ako sa ginawa niya at sinubukang alisin ang pagkakahawak niya sa akin… pero mas malakas siya sa akin.

“Fuck, dude! What are you trying to do?!” asik ko habang pilit na inaalis ang pagakakahawak niya sa akin.

Natigilan ako nang hilahin niya ako. Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko sa kaba nang hinihila niya ako kung saan. Sa totoo lang kaya kong labanan ang ungas na ‘to, pero mas malakas siya sa akin na hindi ko rin makakaila.

Natigilan ako nang tumigil kami sa isang pinto. Binuksan niya iyon at kwarto ang bumungad sa amin… na sa tingin ko ay kwarto niya.

“Fuck, asshole! Why the fuck did you bring me—”

Natigilan ako nang dalhin niya ako sa may bedside table. Puro pictures nila ni Russ ang nandoon. Natigilan ako. Puro picture frames iyon ng mga litrato nila na magkasama.

He opened the drawer. Inilabas niya ang mga photo albums at inihagis ang mga iyon sa kama. He let go of my hand and took one photo album. He opened it and showed it to me. Collection yata iyon ng mga solo pictures ni Russ. Mostly candid photos ni Russ.

He took a deep breath and looked at me. “Hindi lang iyon ang meron ako… I have many more. We’ve broken up for eight months now… But I still haven’t moved on… I still want him in my life… And I don’t want anyone else. Not even you, his cousin. I only want him,” he said in a serious tone while staring at me. “He was my first boyfriend. My first love… So, no. I really don’t like you, Rhiatt. Even if you’ll have his face, I won’t ever like you.”

Napalunok ako at napatingin sa mga photo albums sa kama niya. I licked my lower lip and stroked my hair with my fingers.

“Then why are you not pursuing him if you want him that much?” I asked.

Damn. Why am I even asking this?

“Because he doesn’t want to disobey his parents. His parents disowned him… But Russ still loves his parents more than he loves me… So he sacrificed our relationship…” He sighed. “I pursued him a lot of times… But he really wants his parents to accept him again, even if it means sacrificing his happiness.”

“Bobo pala siya, e. Bakit siya nakipag relasyon sa’yo in the first place kung pipiliin niya naman pala ang mga magulang niya,” sabi ko saka napaismid.

Kinwelyuhan ako ni Evron saka tiningnan nang masama. “Don’t call him that. Don’t insult him… I never hated him for what he did… I’ll wait for him to accept me in his life again.”

Naiinis na inalis ko ang pagkakahawak niya sa damit ko. “Bahala ka sa buhay mo… Masaya na lang ako na hindi mo talaga ako gusto! Buti naman!”

Gusto kong suntukin ang sarili ko… Hindi ko lang pinapahalata pero tang ina… Nahihiya ako.

“Stop believing in groundless rumors… I was forced to do this and show you this even if this is something private, because you keep on assuming that I like you.” Evron shook his head. “I hope everything is clear now. You don’t have to worry… because I will never like you.”

Umismid ako. “Buti naman! Aalis na ‘ko at ayokong magtagal sa bahay mo!”

Lumabas na kami ng silid niya. Napakagat ako sa ibabang labi ko habang nakatungo.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit mas nainis ako sa katotohanang hindi niya pala ako gusto… dahil siguro talagang napahiya ako.

Tulala ako nang makabalik sa bahay ko. Agad akong sinalubong nina Connor at Leander.

“P’re, ano’ng balita? May nakuha ka bang matibay na ebidensiya?” tanong ni Connor.

“Oo nga, chismis naman, dude,” sabi naman ni Leander, tila sabik na sabik sa ikukwento ko.

Napabuga ako ng hangin at napahawak sa batok ko. “H-hindi niya ‘ko gusto!”

Natigilan silang pareho sa sinabi ko. Napahalukipkip ako at napaiwas ng tingin. Putang inang source ‘yan ni Connor. Hindi reliable!

Natigilan ako nang humagalpak sila ng tawang dalawa.

“Gago, p’re. Medyo embarrassing ka sa part na ‘yan!” tumatawang sabi ni Leander.

“Tang ina, sorry, dude. Fake news pala source ko!” natatawa ring sabi ni Connor.

Sinapak ko silang pareho sa sikmura dahil sa inis. Napailing ako at napahawak sa noo ko.

Tang ina. Nakakahiya nga!

Natigilan ako at napatitig sa sahig… malalim na nag-iisip. Nag-angat ako ng tingin nang may pumasok na ideya sa isip ko.

Tama… Alam ko na kung paano ko ililigtas ang sarili ko sa kahihiyan.

Lumabas ako ng bahay at iniwan sina Leander at Connor doon na panay pa rin ang tawa. Nagtungo ako sa tapat ng gate ni Evron saka pinindot ang doorbell sa bahay niya.

Ilang saglit lang, pinagbuksan niya rin ako. Malamig na ekspresyon niya ang bumungad sa akin na para bang gusto niya akong pagsaraduhan kaagad.

“What?” malamig na tanong niya.

Huminga ako nang malalim. Saka pilit na ngumiti sa kaniya.

“P’re sa totoo lang hindi naman ako ganoon kagago… Una, sorry sa mga kagaguhang ginawa ko sa’yo… Para makabawi, naisip kong tulungan ka.” Ngumisi ako. “Tutulungan kita kay Russ… Ano, payag ka?”

Hindi naman ako aasang papayag siya. Mukha siyang may pride na pinanghahawakan at hindi umaasa sa mga gantong tulong… pero para na lang mai-angat ang sarili ko sa kahihiyan, aalukin ko siya ng tulong.

I froze when I noticed that his expression softened. He gave me a small smile. Bahagya ring namula ang mukha niya.

“Wow, really?” he asked, he seemed excited. “Okay… I will accept your help.”

Natigilan ako at napakurap.

Tang ina.

Chapter Twelve

“Tang ina… Ano ba ‘tong pinasok ko?” Napasabunot ako sa sarili kong buhok.

Napakagat tuloy ako na tulungan ang baklang Evron na iyon. Hindi ko naman kasi akalain na papayag siya!

Ganoon ba siya kadesperado na balikan siya ni Russ?!

Napatitig ako sa sarili ko sa salamin. Mukha akong zombie sa totoo lang. Hindi ako gaanong nakatulog dahil sa punyetang kagaguhan ko. Bakit naman kasi ako nagbida bida pa?

Hindi ko talaga akalaing kakagat si Evron. Akala ko pa naman shy type ang ungas na iyon.

Naiinis na lumabas ako ng kuwarto ko. Humawak ako sa balikat ko at pumikit. Gusto ko na lang magbasketball ulit nang matanggal ang stress ko sa mga bakla sa mundo, kaso ayoko namang sagarin ang sarili ko. Baka kapag napuruhan ako, hindi na ako makapagbasketball habang buhay.

Natigilan ako nang marinig na may nagdoorbell. Alam ko na kaagad kung sino iyon.

Agad akong lumabas at pinagbuksan ng gate ang hudas na nagdo-doorbell.

“Hello, Rhiatt,” nakangiting bungad sa’kin ni Russ. May dala na naman siyang kung ano.

Napaismid ako at binuka na lang ang gate para makapasok siya. “Pasok.”

Halatang natigilan si Russ. Dahil siguro hindi ko siya itinaboy.

Kailangan ko nang paninidigan ang tulong na iyon na inalok ko kay Evron. Baka naman isipin niya wala akong isang salita, kalalaki kong tao.

“Ano na naman ‘yang dala mo?” tanong ko habang papasok kami sa bahay.

“I cooked sinigang na hipon. Nakain ka ba no’n?” tanong niya.

“Oo…” tipid na sagot ko na lang.

Tang ina. Paano ko ba sila paglalapitin ng Evron na ‘yon?

Kung hindi lang sana umiral ang pride sa’kin, hindi sana ako nahihirapan ngayon!

Natigilan ako nang may maisip akong ideya. Tinapik ko ang balikat ni Russ. Napapitlag naman siya at nagtatakang tumingin sa akin.

“Marami ka yatang niluto. Okay lang ba kung mag-share tayo sa iba?” tanong ko.

Russ blinked and looked at me with confusion in his eyes. “So, you’re the type of person who shares with other people? Akala ko madamot ka,” he said in an innocent voice.

Binatukan ko siya. Pero hindi naman malakas.

“Gano’n kagago ang tingin mo sa’kin, ungas?” naiiritang tanong ko.

Napanguso si Russ at humawak sa batok niya. “Oo. Alam naman ng lahat na masama ang ugali mo, e.”

“Gago. Mabait ako minsan… Sige na, i-share natin sa iba ‘yan. Sharing is caring,” sabi ko na lang kahit nonsense. “Sige na, tawagin ko lang siya.”

Tinapik ko siyang muli sa balikat saka umalis. Hindi ko sinabi sa kaniya na si Evron ang pupuntahan ko dahil baka bigla siyang umalis.

Nagtungo ako sa bahay ni Evron at pinindot ang doorbell niya. Agad niya rin naman akong pinagbuksan.

“Nasa bahay si Russ. May dalang hipon. Makikain ka sa’min, kunwari niyaya kita,” sabi ko saka nagpamulsa.

Tang ina talaga.

Evron smiled at me. I didn’t see him smile so it creeped me out a little bit… But damn, he looks better when he smiles. Nagmukha siyang approachable nang kaunti.

“Thank you, Rhiatt. I didn’t expect you to be this kind,” sabi niya pa sa akin.

Naiinis na napakamot ako sa batok. “Wala lang akong choice, tanga,” naiiritang sabi ko na lang.

“W-wait… How do I look?” tanong niya pa, na para bang bothered siya sa hitsura niya. Tila hindi siya na-bother na sinabihan ko siyang tanga.

He’s wearing a plain white shirt and black sweatpants. Halatang halata ang matipunong katawan nito.

“You look normal… Halika na. Daming satsat.”

Pumasok na kami sa bahay ko. Nasa likuran ko si Evron at tahimik na nakabuntot sa akin. Ewan ko ba sa kaniya. Baka kinakabahan siya.

Nang makarating kami sa dining area, agad kaming tiningnan ni Russ. Dahil malaki si Evron, kahit nasa likuran ko siya, mukhang napansin siya kaagad ni Russ.

“Russ… Sinama ko ang kapitbahay ko na si Evron. Makikikain siya sa’tin. Okay lang?” tanong ko.

“Uhm… A-akala ko galit ka sa kaniya kasi may gusto siya sa’yo,” tanong ni Russ.

“Ah, wala pala. Misunderstanding lang. Wala siyang gusto sa’kin. Magtropa na kami ngayon,” sabi ko saka lumapit kay Evron at tinapik ang balikat niya.

“I-I thought you hate gays?” nauutal na tanong ni Russ sa akin. Halatang pilit niyang iniiwasang tumingin kay Evron.

Tang ina halata rin masyado ‘tong si Russ. May feelings pa yata ‘to kay Evron.

“Oo, pero exception ‘tong si ungas–I mean, si Evron. Mabait siyang kapitbahay. Kaya bigyan mo rin siya ng chance,” sabi ko na lang.

Tang ina. Ano ba ‘tong pinagsasabi ko? Hindi ko naman expertise ang matchmaking.

“B-bigyan siya ng chance?” nagtatakang tanong ni Russ.

“I mean, bigyan mo siya ng chance para sa ulam na dala mo. Ano ba’ng iniisip mo?” makahulugang tanong ko.

Tang ina. May dalawang bakla sa bahay ko. Parang gusto ko na lang suntukin ang pader.

“Halika na. Kumain na tayo bago ko kayo masikmuraan parehas,” naiiritang sabi ko.

Tumango na lang si Russ at nagsimulang maghain. Umupo naman ako at napaismid. Tang ina. Pwede bang umatras sa kalokohang ‘to? Bakit kailangan ko pang ma-involve sa dalawang ‘to?

“Let me help you,” sabi ni Evron saka akmang lalapit kay Russ.

“Ako na,” matipid na sabi na lang ni Russ. “Maupo ka na lang.”

Napabuga na lang ng hangin si Evron at umupo. Lumapit ako sa kaniya saka bumulong.

“Galingan mo namang dumiskarte,” bulong ko sa kaniya.

“B-but he doesn’t want my help,” bulong niya rin sa akin.

Napasapo ako sa noo ko. Ano ba namang mga tao ‘to?

Kumain na lang kami matapos maghain ni Russ. Tahimik silang dalawa. Halos mabingi na ako sa katahimikan nila.

“Russ… Sabi mo sa’kin last time hindi ka ready sa relasyon. Bakit?” tanong ko habang nagbabalat ng hipon.

Bahagyang namula ang mukha ni Russ. Tang inang kahinhin talaga ng taong ‘to. Hindi mo iisiping halimaw sa basketball ‘to sa unang tingin.

“Uhm… Gusto ko sanang tanggapin muna ako nina Mama at Papa… Sa ngayon ‘wag muna. Gusto ko muna silang i-please,” sagot ni Russ sa tanong ko.

Napaismid ako. “I don’t want to burst your bubble, but I’ll be honest with you, Russ… Kilala ko ang angkan natin. Lalo na ang mga magulang mo. Aabutin ka ng 100 years kung hihintayin mo pang matanggap ka nila bago ka makipagrelasyon.”

Napatungo si Russ. “K-kahit gaano katagal, hihintayin ko.”

Umiling ako. “Kung ako sa’yo, ‘wag mo na sila isipin. Ang mahalaga, ‘yung kasiyahan mo.”

What is this cringe shit I’m saying?

Nag-angat ng tingin sa akin si Russ, mukhang pati siya nagulat sa sinabi ko.

“Hindi ko alam na may mabait kang side, Rhiatt,” tila namamanghang sabi niya.

“Tang ina mo, ah. Compliment ba ‘yan?!” asik ko. Gusto ko siyang batuhin ng plato sa totoo lang.

Napailing na lang ako at humawak sa sentido ko. Mga bwisit na ‘to.

Tumingin ako kay Evron. “Ikaw, ano’ng opinyon mo sa sitwasyon niya? Bigyan mo nga siya ng advice.”

Natigilan si Evron. Napalunok siya at humawak sa batok niya. “Uhm… Kung ano’ng desisyon niya… ‘yon naman ang masusunod.”

Plastik amputa.

Napailing na lang ako. Mukhang mabagal ang magiging progress ng dalawang ‘to.

Umalis na rin agad si Russ pagkatapos naming kumain. Naiwan kaming dalawa ni Evron dito sa bahay ko.

“Hoy, ikaw. Ano’ng plano mo? I told you that I’ll help you… but everything still relies on you. Kahit tulungan kita nang tulungan, kung wala ka namang ginagawa, wala rin,” sabi ko saka humawak sa batok ko.

Evron sighed and licked his lower lip. “It’s not easy. You heard him… He’s not ready to be in a relationship again.”

“Ano naman kung hindi siya ready? E ‘di ipagpilitan mo… Hanggang sa bumigay. Gano’n lang ‘yon.”

Evron looked at me. “It’s not easy…”

Napabuga ako ng hangin at napahawak sa noo ko. “Tang ina. Bahala na. Basta susubukan ko na lang ang best ko. Just fucking cooperate well… Nang matapos na ‘tong kagaguhan na ‘to.”

Natigilan ako nang tumayo si Evron at lumapit sa akin. He smiled at me and touched my shoulder.

“Fuck, dude!” asik ko saka inalis ang pagkakahawak niya sa akin.

“Thank you for trying your best to help me, Rhiatt. You’re really not as bad as I thought,” he said while smiling at me.

I looked at him… I avoided his gaze and clenched my fists.

Damn. Why the hell do I think that his smile is attractive?

Chapter Thirteen

It’s really unusual for me to find a man attractive. No, it never happened before. The only man I found attractive is myself.

I gripped my own hair and stared at the ceiling. Damn. Am I too soft these past few days?

Tang inang Russ ‘yan. Kasalanan niya ‘to, e!

Napabuga ako ng hangin at napahalukipkip. Dapat ang iniisip ko ngayon ay kung paano ko paglalapitin ang loob ng dalawang ungas na ‘yon… nang matahimik na ulit ang buhay ko.

Nagtungo na lang ako sa kusina at uminom ng tubig. Natigilan ako nang marinig kong may mag doorbell. Agad akong lumabas para tingnan kung sino. Natigilan ako nang mapansing si Connor at Leander pala.

Pinagbuksan ko sila ng gate. Agad naman silang pumasok na para bang bahay nila ito.

“Dude, kumusta ang buhay buhay natin?” Connor asked and gave me a headlock.

Sinuntok ko siya sa sikmura. Napadaing naman siya at napahawak sa tiyan niya.

“Guys, I need your advice,” I said and looked at them seriously.

“Ano na namang advice ‘yan?” tanong ni Leander saka prenteng umupo sa couch ko.

“Well, it turns out that Evron was my cousin’s ex-lover. I’m talking about Russ.”

Tila parehas silang nasamid sa sariling laway dahil sa sinabi ko. Nanlaki ang mga mata nila at gulat na tumingin sa akin.

“Damn. Really?” Connor asked in disbelief.

I nodded. “Oo. Inalok ko siya ng tulong na makapagbalikan sila ni Russ kapalit ng mga kagaguhan at kahihiyang ginawa ko. Si ungas na Evron, tinanggap naman ang offer ko. Ngayon, sinusubukan kong tulungan silang magkabalikan. Pero tang ina, malay ko ba sa pagiging matchmaker… Sinubukan ko silang tulungan kahapon, kaso masyadong shy type si Evron ungas. Si Russ naman wala raw balak makipag relasyon dahil kinukuha niya ang loob ng mga magulang niya,” paliwanag ko. Napabuga ako ng hangin saka napasabunot sa sariling buhok.

Tinawanan nila akong pareho. Napaismid ako dahil inaasahan ko nang magre-react sila nang ganiyan. Gusto kong pag-untugin silang dalawa.

“I need your help. Ano ba’ng pwede kong gawin? Tang ina kasi. Ayoko sanang madamay sa kabaklaan nilang dalawa. Pero hindi naman ma-take ng pride ko na hindi bumawi kay Evron gunggong,” naiinis na sabi ko saka napahalukipkip.

Humawak si Leander sa baba niya, tila nag-iisip nang malalim. “Subukan mo sila pagsamahin sa iisang lugar. Kunwari na-trap gano’n. Kulong mo sila rito sa bahay mo,” nakangising sabi niya.

Napahagalpak ng tawa si Connor. “Gago, hindi ba makulong si Rhiatt niyan.”

Napatango ako. Pwede naman siguro iyon. Para magkaroon sila ng time sa isa’t isa. Hindi ko lang alam kung paano ko ie-execute.

“Tang ina… Kino-consider niya, oh,” natatawang sabi ni Leander.

“Paano ko ba gagawin ‘yon?” tanong ko. “Pero tang ina, ayoko rito sa bahay ko. Doon na lang sa bahay ni Evron!”

Tang ina. Baka tuluyan na talagang mabahiran ng kabaklaan ‘tong bahay ko.

“Kapag kailangan mo ng tulong sa pag-execute ng plano, nandito naman kami,” nakangising sabi ni Leander.

“Mas sweet yata kung sa island sila ma-trap. ‘Di ba gano’n sa mga drama?” tanong ni Connor.

“Gago ka ba? Mag-aaksaya ako ng pera at energy mag set ng trap sa island?” naiinis na ginulo ko ang buhok ko.

Napabuga ako ng hangin at napatitig sa sahig. Mag-set kaya ako ng date para sa kanila? Pero masyado namang obvious ‘yon… Baka hindi na ako pagkatiwalaan ni Russ, lalo lang akong mahirapan paglapitin sila.

Do I really have to consider Leander’s suggestion? I don’t even know how I am going to execute it.

AFTER TALKING to Leander and Connor, I immediately went to Evron’s house.

Agad niya akong pinagbuksan nang pindutin ko ang doorbell.

He smiled at me. “Hey, Rhiatt…”

Hindi ko alam ang sumapi sa akin… Hindi ko napigilang sikmuraan siya. Natigilan siya at napakurap. Gulat na napatingin siya sa akin at humawak sa tiyan niya.

“Why did you suddenly punch me?” he asked.

“Pwede ‘wag ka ngumiti sa’king ungas ka?! Kinikilabutan ako sa’yo!” asik ko.

Tumango siya. “Sorry.”

Naiinis na napakamot ako sa tainga ko. “Oo na. Halika, may pag-uusapan tayo.”

Pumasok kami sa loob ng bahay niya. Umupo ako sa couch niya saka iniangat ang mga paa ko sa mini table. Hindi naman siya nagreklamo at ipinaghanda pa ako ng juice.

Umupo siya sa kabilang sofa at tumingin sa akin. “What are we going to talk about?”

“Plano… para sa inyong dalawa ni Russ,” sabi ko saka ininom ang juice na hinanda niya. “The fuck… ang tabang,” reklamo ko.

“Too much sugar is not good for the body,” he said.

Napaismid na lang ako at tumikhim. I put my elbows on my thighs and intertwined my fingers. I looked at him with serious eyes.

“I have a plan… I’m going to lock you both inside this house.” I grinned.

Tila nasamid sa sariling laway si Evron sa sinabi ko. His eyes widened and looked at me with disbelief.

“S-sorry?” he said, asking me to repeat what I just said.

“I will trap both of you here… So that you’ll have quality time with him.”

Agad siyang umiling sa sinabi ko. “Thank you for your help, but no… We will not be doing that. Baka matakot si Russ,” tila nag-aalalang sabi niya.

“‘Wag ka nang mag-inarte pa! Tang ina ginagawan na nga ng paraan, oh. Saka hindi ko naman kayo ikukulong nang matagal. OA ka ba?” napapailing na sabi ko.

“Sorry, but I have to say no to that,” hinging paumanhin niya.

Napakamot ako sa batok ko. “Dude naman… Iyon na ang perfect chance para makapag solo kayo!”

“Yes, but do we really have to do that?” Evron shook his head. “I can’t do that, Rhiatt.”

Napabuga ako ng hangin at napahilamos sa mukha ko.

Yeah, right. This one is a softie. I should not have expected him to accept this.

“Gusto mo ba talagang magkabalikan kayo?” iritadong tanong ko.

Agad siyang tumango. “I want to… but not in that way,” he muttered.

I shook my head and stroked my hair.

Damn. This man is hopeless.

“Okay, fine! But you have to do shit I’ll ask you to do! ‘Wag kang mag-iinarte!” asik ko.

He straightened his back and nodded. “O-okay…”

“The first thing you’ll do is to immediately come every time I’ll text you. Akin na ang number mo,” iritadong sabi ko saka inilahad ang kamay ko.

He immediately took his phone and gave it to me. I took my phone and saved his number.

I threw him his phone. Agad niya naman iyong nasalo. I crossed my arms and stared intently at him.

“I’ll try my best to help you… but let me remind you that this has no assurance. Hindi natin alam kung magkakatuluyan ba talaga kayo ng Russ na ‘yon. I’ll just do my part.”

Napalunok naman si Evron at tumango.

“Remember this… if things won’t turn out well with you and Russ, it doesn’t mean you can like me. Yes, we kinda look-alike… But don’t you fucking dare develop any feeling for me,” mariing sabi ko saka dinuro siya.

Evron chuckled. He slightly tilted his head. “When it comes to that, you have nothing to worry about… Like what I said before, you’re far from my type. And I will never like you in that way, Rhiatt.”

I forced a grin and clenched my fists.

Damn. For some reason, his words fucking pisses me off.

Chapter Fourteen

“Kung bakla kayo, magkakagusto ba kayo sa’kin?”

Leander and Connor froze. They literally stopped playing with the console and looked at me as if I said something ridiculous.

I crossed my arms and stared at them. I wanted to punch their faces right now, but I restrained myself.

“Bro, hindi ko alam, e… Kasi una sa lahat hindi naman ako bakla, kaya hindi ko masasagot ‘yan,” natatawang tanong ni Connor.

“Kung nga lang, e! Hindi ka ba makaintindi?!” asik ko saka binato siya ng unan.

Nagtaas ng kamay si Leander. “I will answer your question…” Tumikhim siya. “Kung bakla ako, kahit ikaw na lang ang natitirang lalaki sa mundo, hindi kita magugustuhan, p’re. Kahit ikaw hindi mo matitiis magkagusto sa katulad mo. Mas mainit pa sa kumukulong tubig ‘yang ulo mo lagi.”

I threw a pillow at him too. “What the fuck is wrong with me?! I’m fucking handsome!”

“Oo na, sabihin na nating guwapo ko, p’re. Pero hindi naman lahat ng bakla, e, kagwapuhan ang habol. Sa totoo lang, pagdating sa ugali, ang daming tapon sa’yo. Hindi na kayang i-overshadow ng kapogian mo ‘yung ugali mong basura, p’re. Sorry, honest feedback lang,” sabi ni Connor saka ngumiti sa akin.

I clenched my fists. What the hell is wrong with my attitude?! Mabait naman ako kapag interesado ako sa tao.

“Bakit mo biglang naitanong ‘yan?” Leander asked in a serious tone. “That’s very unusual of you to ask such a question.”

“Nothing… Just curious,” I muttered.

Damn, right. Why am I even asking them this? Ano naman ngayon kung hindi ako type ng ungas na Evron na iyon. I fucking hate that asshole… Siguro dahil masyadong naapakan ang pride ko sa sinabi niya.

What’s not to like about me? I know I can be pretty annoying at times… but I’m fucking attractive.

I shook my head. What am I even thinking?

“Umalis na kayo. Mamaya pupunta na ‘yung pinsan ko,” sabi ko na lang saka muli silang binato ng unan.

Natigilan sila at napangisi.

“Sino? Si Russ? Wait namin. Gusto namin siya makilala. Gusto kong makita kung talagang kamukha mo siya,” nakangising sabi ni Leander.

“Hindi kami magkamukha dahil mas gwapo ako ro’n! Tang ina niyo!” singhal ko.

Natigilan kami nang tumunog ang doorbell… Speaking of the devil.

Agad akong lumabas para pagbuksan ng gate si Russ. May dala na naman siyang pagkain. Pinapasok ko na siya sa loob.

“Hello, Rhiatt. Nagluto ako ng kaldereta… Nakain ka ba no’n?” tanong niya.

Tumango ako. “Ano’ng tingin mo sa’kin, pihikan?” masungit na tanong ko.

Napailing na lang ako habang pinapanood si Russ na naglalakad papasok sa bahay. Sa totoo lang hindi niya na naman kailangang gawin pa ito.

Bagay na bagay talaga sila ng ungas na Evron na iyon. Masyado silang mabait pareho. Naiirita ako sa kanilang dalawa.

Pagpasok ko sa loob, naabutan ko si Russ na pinalilibutan na nina Leander at Connor.

“Gagi, ikaw ba talaga ‘yung magaling mag-basketball? Hindi ka pala talaga gano’n katangkad,” sabi ni Connor at pinagkumpara ang height nila ni Russ.

“U-uhm… M-mataas kasi akong tumalon,” sabi ni Russ saka awkward na ngumiti.

“Hi, Russ. ‘Wag mo nang pansinin ang pinagsasabi ni Connor… By the way, ako nga pala si Leander. Kaibigan kami ng pinsan mong si Anger.”

Kumuha ako ng unan sa couch at ibinato ‘yon kay Leander. Sapul naman iyon sa ulo niya.

“Hello sa inyo… Uhm buti na lang marami akong niluto. Kumain na rin kayo,” nakangiting sabi ni Russ.

Tumingin sa akin si Connor at Leander.

“Medyo magkamukha nga kayo ni Russ, p’re. To be honest,” sabi ni Connor.

Umiling si Leander. “Hindi, ah. Soft ‘yung features ni Russ. Si Rhiatt unang tingin pa lang mukha nang tigasin. Si Russ mukhang hindi makabasag pinggan, si Rhiatt mukhang babasagin ang lahat ng pinggan,” sabi niya pa saka humagalpak ng tawa.

Pinigilan ko ang sarili kong sapakin siya. Umismid na lang ako at lumapit sa kanila.

“Oo nga… Soft ‘yung features ni Russ, pero kita talaga pagkakahawig nila,” sabi ni Connor saka itinuro pa kaming dalawa ni Russ.

Napahalukipkip ako. Naiirita talaga ako sa tuwing sinasabihan akong kamukha ko ang ungas na ‘to.

“Oh, nakilala niyo na siya. Magsialis na kayo bago ko kayo tadyakan! Alis!” asik ko.

“Pakainin na rin kaya natin sila, Rhiatt,” sabi naman ni Russ na tanga.

“Baliw ka ba? Siba ‘tong mga ‘to! Kulang ‘yang dala mo. Hayaan mo na ‘tong mga ‘to!” Tumingin ako nang masama kina Leander. “Layas!”

Napasimangot na lang ang dalawang kumag pero umalis din naman.

Habang naghahain si Russ, pasimple akong nagsend ng text message kay Evron.

Me: Hoy, ungas. Pumunta ka rito. Nandito si Russ. Hintayin kita sa gate.

Agad namang nag-reply si Evron.

Ungas: Sorry, Rhiatt. I can’t go. Nasa gym ako ngayon. May inaasikaso.

Napaismid ako at agad na itinago ang cellphone ko sa bulsa ko.

Tang ina ng tangang ‘yon. Sinayang ang opportunity!

PAGSAPIT NG GABI, nagbihis ako ng workout attire at nagtungo sa gym ni Evron. Bawal akong magbuhat, pero pwede naman akong mag-treadmill.

Pagdating ko sa gym, wala ng tao. Gabi na rin kasi. Pero nandoon si Evron at ‘yung maganda niyang cashier na lesbian. Nag-aasikaso sila ng mga kung anong equipment sa gym. Mukhang bago ang mga iyon.

Napatingin si Evron sa akin. Inangat niya ang kamay saka kumaway sa akin. Pinakyuhan ko siya pero lumapit din naman ako.

“Ano ‘yang mga ‘yan?” tanong ko.

“Mga bagong equipment,” sagot niya. “What are you doing here? You’re not allowed to hit the gym yet. You’re injured.”

“Pakialam mo ba?” iritadong tanong ko.

Natigilan kaming pareho nang sumingit sa usapan namin ang cashier ng gym niya.

“Sir Evron, mauna na po ako. Sasabihan ko na lang ang guard na siya na ang bahala magsara ng gym,” pagpapaalam niya.

Tumango lang si Evron habang nasa mga equipment ang tingin niya. Umalis din agad ang babae at naiwan kaming dalawa ni ungas.

“Ito ang pinagkakaabalahan mo kaya hindi ka pumunta?” tanong ko saka umupo sa bench press.

Tumango siya. “I ordered a lot of new equipment. I’m planning to have another branch.”

“Wow, congrats…” sabi ko na lang saka isinabit ang towel sa batok ko.

Evron looked at me. “Again, thank you for trying your best to help me. In return, I will give you a free one year membership to this gym.”

Napangisi ako. “‘Yon, ayos.”

“Pumirma ka sa log book… Para hindi ka haharangan ng employee ko kapag wala ako rito. Halika…” Pumasok siya sa loob ng parang storage room.

Tumayo ako saka sumunod sa kaniya. Malaki ang gym niya at maganda ang interior. Malinis na malinis din.

We went inside the locker room. Malawak din iyon. Hindi ko pa napasok ito. Meron ding malaking fridge at water dispenser.

Kinuha niya ang log book at may isinulat doon saka niya inabot sa akin.

“Sign it,” sabi niya.

Pumirma na rin ako dahil sayang din ang one year na libreng membership sa gym niya.

Lumabas na kami ng locker room… Pero natigilan ako nang mapatingin sa labas… May nakaharang ng metal roll up door sa glass wall ng gym niya.

“Tang ina…” Napamura ako.

Natigilan si Evron at nagtatakang tumingin sa akin. Tiningnan niya rin ang tinitingnan ko… Nabitiwan niya ang hawak na log book.

“Fuck,” mariing mura niya. “Please tell me you have your phone with you,” he muttered.

I shook my head. “I left it on charge…” I whispered.

Parang kinuha ang lahat ng enerhiya sa katawan ko.

“Fuck. My battery died… and I don’t have my charger with me,” nanghihinang bulong din ni Evron.

“A-ano’ng oras magbubukas ang gym na ‘to bukas?” tanong ko pa.

“We won’t open the gym for three days… because of holy week,” he muttered.

Nanghihinang napasandal ako sa pader.

Tang ina.

Book Cover

art work by seeyuh_m on twitter

Chapter Fifteen

“Tang ina! Anong klaseng trabahador ba ang meron ka at hindi man lang ch-in-eck kung may tao pa sa loob?!” asik ko saka kinwelyuhan si Evron.

Evron sighed. “Manong was probably too tired. He has a lot of jobs other than this. Baka hindi na niya napansin dahil gusto na niyang umuwi at makapagpahinga.”

I crossed my arms and laughed sarcastically. “Wow, bait mo naman. Pwede ka na maging santo…” I said and put my hands together. “Pero tingnan mo ang nangyari sa’tin? We’re trapped here, asshole!”

Napasabunot ako sa sariling buhok at napapadyak sa sahig.

“Tang ina! Kayo dapat ni Russ ang makulong sa isang lugar! Kung pumayag ka na sana sa gusto kong mangyari, e ‘di sana hindi tayo nakakulong dito!” singhal ko.

Evron sighed. “I didn’t know this would happen. I’m sorry,” hinging paumanhin niya.

Napaismid ako at tumingin sa kaniya. Medyo nakonsensya naman ako sa naging reaksyon niya. Mas trip ko pa yata ang masungit na version ng ungas na ‘to. Nag-alok lang naman ako ng tulong para magkabalikan sila ni Russ, ang bait na sa akin.

Uto-uto ba talaga siya?!

He only looks scary on the outside, but it seems like he’s really a softie guy inside.

I sighed and shook my head. “What are we going to do now? Paano tayo makakahingi ng tulong? May makakarinig ba satin kapag nagsisigaw tayo rito na parang tanga?”

Napakamot siya sa batok. “I doubt that. But I think it’s worth trying.”

“What if we break this glass?” I asked and pointed to the glass wall.

“It’s made of sturdy glass… I think we can break it… but please don’t… I spent a lot for this,” pakiusap niya.

“So, what are we going to do, dude?! Wait here for three fucking days?!” asik ko.

“And you left your phone charging in your house… Baka masunog ang bahay mo,” tila nag-aalalang sabi niya.

“That’s the least of my concern right now! Iniisip ko kung paano tayo makakaalis dito! I don’t want to be trapped here with you!” singhal ko.

Natigilan ako at napaisip… Sa totoo lang, nag-aalala ako sa charger ko na nakasaksak. Tang ina. Ayoko ngang masunugan ng bahay!

Naiinis na napapadyak ako sa sahig. Sana hindi na lang ako nagpunta rito!

“Let’s try to ask for help tomorrow… Baka may makarinig sa atin kapag may dumaan bukas,” he suggested.

I shook my head and laughed. “Hell no… Are you telling me that we’ll stay here… the whole night?” I asked in horror.

“We don’t have any choice… You can sleep on the couch in the locker room. I’ll stay here. May mga pagkain at inumin sa fridge.”

I glared at him. “Wala akong tiwala sa’yo! Baka pasukin mo ako roon!” asik ko saka itinuro ang locker room.

He sighed and shook his head. “I told you a lot of times already. You’re not my type… and I won’t ever like—”

I cut him off. “Oo na! Paulit-ulit!”

“Ikaw naman ang nauna… You keep on implying that I’m interested in you,” sabi niya saka umiling.

Napahalukipkip ako sa inis dahil may point siya… Pero naiinis ako dahil ayoko ng mali ako at tama ang ibang tao.

Naiinis na kinuha ko ang tumbler ko at nagtungo sa locker room. Mayroong couch doon. Dalawa pa.

Sinilip ko si Evron. Nakaupo siya sa sahig at nakasandal ang likod sa pader.

Kahit may sa demonyo ang ugali ko, nakaramdam naman ako nang kaunting konsensya.

Umiling na lang ako at umupo na sa couch. Sakto at may unan din doon.

Tang ina. Ayos din ‘tong gym niya, ah. Ang daming arte. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba iyon sa katotohanang bakla siya.

Tumayo ako at lumapit sa fridge. Marami ngang inumin at makakain. Para akong nasa convenience store… Meron pang oven… Libre niya ba ‘tong pinapakain sa mga nag-gy-gym dito?

Tang inang bait naman ng ungas na ‘yon.

Kumuha ako ng juice saka binuksan iyon at ininom. Sinilip ko si Evron na nakaupo pa rin doon at nakapikit.

Napakamot ako sa batok ko. Kapag nalamigan siya roon at namatay, baka maging kasalanan ko pa.

Lumabas ako at lumapit sa kaniya. Napadilat naman siya at tumingin sa akin.

“Why? Do you need something?” he asked.

“Doon ka matulog sa isang couch. Dalawa naman ‘yung couch sa locker room,” labas sa ilong na sabi ko.

“It would be uncomfortable for you… I’m fine here.”

Umiling ako. “Hindi naman. Kung magtangka ka namang lapitan ako, kayang kaya kitang patumbahin…”

He stared at me. “Are you sure?”

“Oo nga… Ang daming arte,” bulong ko saka tinalikuran siya at muling pumasok sa locker room.

Sumunod naman sa akin si Evron. Umupo siya sa isang couch saka hinubad ang sapatos niya. Napabuga ako ng hangin at napahilamos sa mukha ko.

“Alam mo, dude. Kayo sana ni Russ ang may moment ngayon kung pumayag ka sa plano ko…”

Sa totoo lang gusto kong magwala ngayon, pero parang naubusan na ako ng energy. Aasa na lang ako na may mapadaan dito bukas at marinig kami kapag nagsisigaw kami.

“He won’t like that… Ayaw niya ng nakukulong sa isang lugar. His dad locked him up in his room for two days when he found out that he’s gay.”

Natahimik ako sa sinabi niya… Hindi ko alam ang tungkol doon. It must be a horrible experience for Russ. Hanga na lang ako sa kaniya at nagawa niyang patawarin ang mga magulang niya… Well, no. I bet his parents didn’t even apologize to him.

This is why I don’t like kind people. They often get abused and trampled on but they’re still choosing to forgive… and it’s just stupid for me. It’s frustrating.

“And he still wants his parents’ acceptance?” I asked bitterly. “Fucking stupid.”

Natigilan ako nang batuhin ako ng sapatos ni Evron. I was caught on guard. Tumama iyon sa noo ko.

Agad ko siyang sinugod at kinwelyuhan. “Gago ka, ah. Naghahanap ka ba ng away? Hindi kita uurungang gago ka,” mariing sabi ko.

Evron stared coldly at me. “You can really be insensitive most of the time, Rhiatt… He went through all of that… he was even abused by his own parents, but he still chose to be kind and generous…”

“That’s why it’s stupid. He has all valid reasons to be mad… or even seek revenge. But he chose to be kind… like what the fuck is that?”

This topic is pissing me off.

“Whatever he does is entirely up to him… He doesn’t harm anyone. What’s wrong with being kind, huh?” he asked in a cold tone.

“I just think it’s stupid, Evron… Will you forgive someone who abused you… someone who locked you up just because of your preference? And that people-pleasing guy still wants acceptance from his parents? Wow… His life should be written in a book,” I said in a sarcastic manner.

“Have you experienced what he gone through? You don’t know a shit about him… Whatever you say about him… He’s still amazing for choosing to be kind despite everything that he went through… Unlike some ungrateful spoiled ass bastard who thinks he’s always right and thinks highly of himself.”

Pakiramdam ko nag-akyatan ang dugo sa mukha ko dahil sa sinabi niya.

Agad ko siyang inambahan ng suntok, pero agad niya akong itinulak. Nawalan ako ng balanse… Akmang mababagsak ako sa sahig, pero agad niyang hinawakan ang braso ko at hinila ako palapit sa kaniya para hindi ako matumba… pero nawalan din ako ng balanse at napaibabaw sa kanya.

Napapikit ako, inaasahang mauuntog ako sa mukha niya… Pero naramdaman ko na lang na may malambot na tumama sa mga labi ko.

Natulos siya sa kinauupuan at itinulak ako. Tila nawalan na siya ng pakialam kahit matumba ako sa sahig. Napadilat ako at tumingin sa kaniya.

His eyes were wide… staring at me… while holding his lips. His face was pale.

I looked at him… confused. Why the hell was he touching his fucking lips?

I froze when I realized something. Pakiramdam ko nawalan din ng kulay ang mukha ko. Napalunok ako at napahawak sa mga labi ko.

No fucking way!

Chapter Sixteen

“Fuck you! W-why did you–why did you fucking do that?” I shouted at him.

Evron looked at me as if he was so damn traumatized of what happened.

“I-it was you who fell on me and—”

I cut him off. “Fuck! It’s not my fault! Kasalanan mo ‘to! Bakit mo ‘ko hinila?! Putang ina!” asik ko habang pilit na pinapahid ang labi ko.

Halos lahat na yata ng mura nasabi ko sa isip ko. Hindi ako makapaniwalang mangyayari sa’kin ang ganito kalalang bagay.

“Do you have a fucking mouthwash?!” I asked.

Evron was wiping his lips as well. Wala pa ring kulay sa mukha niya. Hindi ko alam kung maiinsulto ba ako dahil mas mukha pa siyang nandidiri kaysa sa akin.

“I don’t have a mouthwash here… Kung meron lang, kanina ko pa ginamit,” sagot niya naman.

Tumayo siyang nagtungo sa sink. Binuksan niya ang gripo saka nagmumog. Ilang ulit niya pang ginawa iyon.

Lumapit ako sa kaniya saka itinulak siya. Binuksan ko rin ang gripo saka nagmumog. Paulit ulit kong hinugasan ang labi ko.

Parang sasabog ako sa inis. Gusto kong ilibing ng buhay ang ungas na ‘to para hindi ko na maalala pa ang nangyari.

“D-don’t ever tell Russ that this happened,” bulong niya.

I glared at him. “Tanga ka ba?! Sa tingin mo ipagkakalat ko sa iba ang nangyaring ‘to?! Kung pwede lang patayin kita ngayon at ilibing para hindi na magkaroon ng posibildad na kumalat ‘to, baka ginawa ko na!” asik ko.

Bumalik si Evron sa couch saka nanghihinang umupo roon.

Lumapit ako sa kaniya saka dinuro siya. “Hoy! Kung maka-react ka parang ikaw ang dehado sa nangyari, ah… Ako dapat ang manlumo rito! Pakiramdam ko kinuhanan ako ng pagkalalaki!” singhal ko pa.

Hindi kumibo si Evron at napabuntonghininga na lang. Hindi ko alam kung bakit para akong iniinsulto sa reaksyon niya ngayon.

Tang ina. Bakit ba iyon pa ang pinagtutuunan ko ng pansin?!

Umupo na lang din ako sa isang couch at napahawak sa noo ko.

Sobrang malas ng araw na ‘to!

“Let’s just forget about this. Hindi naman big deal,” bulong niya.

“Anong hindi big deal?! Nakuhanan ako ng puri!” asik ko.

He looked at me. His forehead creased. “Why? Was that your first—”

I cut him off. “Of course not! But it was the first time with a m-man… t-that a man… a m-man…” Napahawak ako sa leeg ko. Halos hindi ko masikmurang sabihin ang gusto kong sabihin.

Napabuga ako ng hangin at napasapo sa noo ko.

“Fuck, right. Let’s just forget about this. This never happened.”

Evron nodded. “Yeah. This never happened.” He cleared his throat. “Take it back too… I mean, about what you’ve said that Russ is stupid.”

“Yeah, right… He’s not,” pagsuko ko na lang, dahil baka lumaki pa ito at magkasuntukan pa kami. Wala na akong energy matapos ang nangyari.

Umiling ako…

Hindi. Hindi ‘yon nangyari. Tama. Walang nangyaring ganoon.

Naiinis na humiga na lang ako at pumikit. Itutulog ko na lang muna ito. Walang mangyayari kung mananatili akong gising… Maiirita lang ako sa pagmumukha ng Evron na ‘to.

NAGISING AKO nang may tumapik sa akin. Natigilan ako nang pagmumukha ni Evron ang bumungad sa akin. Nagtatakang tumingin ako sa kaniya.

“It’s 11 a.m. now.”

Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. 11 na pala. Madalas akong magising nang maaga, kaya nakakapagtaka na nakatulog ako hanggang ganitong oras.

Napadaing na lang ako dahil parang ang bigat ng katawan ko. Ang init din ng pakiramdam ko.

“Are you alright?” Evron asked and stared at me. “You don’t seem fine.”

I didn’t say anything. I bit my lower lip and closed my eyes tightly. I’m cold…

Evron touched my forehead. I flinched. His hand was cold… or maybe I was just hot.

“Damn… You have a fever,” he muttered.

Hindi ako nagsalita at nanatiling nakabaluktot sa couch niya. Nanginginig na rin ako. Malakas ang katawan ko pero mahina akong lagnatin. Hindi ako nakakakilos o nakakatayo.

Agad na umalis si Evron. Tumingin siya sa paligid… Napamura na lang siya at hinubad ang damit na suot saka ginamit iyong kumot para sa akin.

Gusto ko mang ihagis ang damit niya, hindi ko magawa dahil nilalamig din talaga ako.

Nakabalandra ngayon ang matipunong katawan niya. Napaiwas na lang ako ng tingin at pumikit. Nanginiginig pa rin ako.

Hindi ko alam ang ginagawa niya, pero narinig kong binuksan niya ang gripo. Ilang saglit pa, lumapit ulit siya sa akin.

Naglagay siya ng towel sa noo ko. Hindi na ako kumontra pa dahil wala rin naman akong lakas.

Hindi ko alam ang ginagawa niya, pero naririnig ko siyang palakad lakad. Narinig ko rin na bumukas ang oven.

Ilang saglit pa, lumapit ulit siya sa akin at marahan akong tinapik.

“Rhiatt… Wake up…” bulong niya.

Idinilat ko ang mga mata ko. Nakita kong may hawak siyang rice ball at tubig. Inilagay niya iyon sa mini table at umupo sa gilid ko.

Humawak siya sa braso ko at inalalayan akong bumangon.

“You have to eat so that you’ll regain your strength. I’m sorry, wala akong gamot dito.”

Hindi ako nagsalita. Inilapit niya sa bibig ko ang rice ball. Kahit hinang hina ako, pinilit kong ibuka ang bibig ko at kumain. Nararamdaman ko na rin kasing nakalam ang sikmura ko.

Matiyaga niyang pinaubos sa akin ang pagkain saka pinainom ako ng tubig at muli akong inalalayan pahiga.

I’m not used to this. Sa tuwing nilalagnat ako noong bata pa ako, madalas akong umiyak. Pero madalas din akong pagalitan ni Papa noon dahil hindi raw dapat ganoon umakto ang lalaki… So, I stopped asking for their help every time I was sick. Itinutulog ko na lang at hinihintay na gumaling ako nang kusa.

Damn… I don’t like this at all. But I’m just too weak to resist.

NAKATULOG AKO ULIT dahil sa sama ng pakiramdam. Nang magising ako, mabigat pa rin ang pakiramdam ko, pero hindi na kasing lala noong bago ako natulog.

Natigilan ako nang mapansin na nakaupo sa sahig si Evron. Nakasandal ang likod niya sa couch na hinihigaan ko.

Napadaing ako at pinilit na bumangon. Buti na lang at kahit papa’no kaya ko nang bumangon. Natigilan na lang ako nang malaglag sa hita ko ang towel na nakalagay sa noo ko.

Natigilan ako at napatingin kay Evron na natutulog. Hindi ko alam kung paano niya nagagawang makatulog nang nakaupo… Malamig at matigas na sahig pa ang inuupuan niya.

Wala pa rin siyang damit pang itaas… Ginamit niyang pangkumot sa akin.

Tumikhim ako at napakamot sa batok ko. Hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman ko. Hindi ko rin alam kung magpapasalamat ba ako sa kaniya o mumurahin siya.

Napapitlag ako nang maramdamang nagising siya. Tumingin siya sa akin saka tumayo. Natigilan ako nang humawak siya sa noo ko.

Naiinis na inalis ko ang pagkakahawak niya sa noo ko.

“Tang ina, ‘wag mo ‘kong hinahawakan,” sabi ko na lang. Hindi ako makasigaw dahil nanghihina pa rin ako.

Evron chuckled. “It seems that you’re quite okay now… Nagagalit ka na,” he said and smiled at me.

I avoided his gaze and looked on the other side. I could not explain what I feel right now. Is it because of my fever?

I sighed and bit my lower lip… Damn this man. I told him to not smile at me.

For some reason, I don’t like seeing him smile.

Chapter Seventeen

“Sorry po talaga, Sir. Hindi ko po namalayan na may tao pa pala. Sorry po talaga…” paulit-ulit na paghingi ng paumanhin ng guard ni Evron.

Buti na lang at may naiwan ang guard dito sa gym kaya nagpunta siya at nakita kami ni Evron. Akala ko magtatagal pa kami ng tatlong araw dito… Hindi na pwede. Baka hindi ko na kayanin iyon.

“Ano’ng klaseng guard—”

Evron cut me off. “It’s okay. Just be careful next time. Make sure na wala na talagang tao bago mo isara ang gym.”

Napaismid na lang ako at hindi na nagsalita dahil nanghihina pa rin ako. Masama pa rin ang pakiramdam ko, pero hindi na naman ganoon kalala.

“Can you walk?” tanong ni Evron pagkalabas namin ng gym.

I glared at him. “Ano’ng tingin mo sa’kin, pilay?” tanong ko sa paos na boses. Hindi ako makasigaw dahil nanghihina pa rin ako.

Magkasabay kaming naglakad papuntang mga bahay namin. Pinipilit kong maglakad nang maayos dahil ayokong mag-alala siya at alalayan ako. Baka makita pa kami ng mga kapit-bahay.

Nang nasa tapat na kami ng bahay namin, natigilan ako nang mapansing hindi agad pumasok si Evron. Tumingin siya sa akin saka lumapit.

“Are you sure you can handle your own?” tanong pa niya.

“Oo nga…” iritadong sabi ko na lang.

Pumasok na ako sa loob. Nagpapasalamat na lang ako at hindi nasunog ang bahay dahil naiwan kong naka-charge ang cellphone ko.

Nagtungo agad ako sa silid ko. Natigilan ako nang makita ang cellphone at charger sa bedside table, pero hindi naka-charge ang cellphone ko. Napasapo ako sa noo ko. Buti na lang at nakalimutan kong i-charge.

Umupo ako sa kama at napabuga ng hangin. Ramdam ko pa ring mabigat ang katawan ko kaya ibinagsak ko na lang ang sarili ko sa kama.

Napatitig ako sa kisame. Pakiramdam ko may imahe na si Evron na tila palutang lutang sa isip ko.

I clenched my fists. I want to forget his face so damn bad. I hate how that jerk smiles at me. Bakit ba panay ang ngiti niya sa akin?!

I bit my lower lip and stared intently at the ceiling.

I have to help them faster. I have to get out of this situation as soon as possible.

MAAYOS NA ANG pakiramdam ko nang magising ako. Agad akong bumangon at humawak sa sentido ko. Agad akong nagtungo sa kusina para uminom ng tubig.

Napahaba rin pala masyado ang tulog ko.

Natigilan ako nang tumunog ang doorbell. Napakunot ang noo ko dahil wala akong inaasahang bisita ng ganitong oras… It’s already 7 p.m.

Lumabas ako ng bahay at tiningnan kung sino. Natigilan ako nang makitang si Evron iyon. May dala siyang malaking mangkok.

“Hi, Rhiatt. I don’t know if you’ll be able to cook food for yourself, since you have a fever… I made porridge. You should eat this while it’s hot… Will you be able to carry this though?” tanong niya saka ipinakita sa akin ang mangkok na hawak niya.

“You don’t have to go all through that trouble, asshole,” I muttered while glaring at him.

“I can’t ignore the fact that you have a fever…” tila inosenteng sabi niya.

Napangisi ako. “Lahat ba ng nilalagnat dito, ginagamot mo?” sarkastikong tanong ko.

“No. I usually ignore our neighbors… But you’re someone who helps me a lot with Russ. So, I have a little soft spot for you,” he said and smiled at me.

I clenched my fists and took a deep breath. “Damn. You’re really becoming more fucking irritating these past few days,” I muttered.

He looked at me, confused. I gave him a cold stare.

“Let’s just focus on our goal… You don’t have to do things unrelated to our goal… You don’t have to fucking come here just for things like this,” iritadong sabi ko.

I don’t know why I’m so mad right now. Hindi ko na rin siguro maintindihan ang sarili ko at ang nangyayari sa akin. Why do I feel things that I could not explain?

“You fucking disgust me to be honest. I’m just doing this to do you a fucking favor… just for this to be done. Just because I talk to you doesn’t mean people like you no longer disgust me…”

I knew I was too harsh. But this is the real me. Pakiramdam ko lumalambot ako nitong mga nakaraan dahil sa pakikihalubilo ko kay Russ… at sa kaniya.

Evron stared coldly at me… “I didn’t force you to help me though. It was you who insisted on helping me. Why do you make it sound like I forced you into this?” He shook his head. “I was honestly starting to like you as a person… Thanks for reminding me that you’re a horrible person through and through,” he said in a cold tone.

Hindi na ako nagsalita pa. Akmang isasara ko na ang gate, pero natigilan ako at napahawak sa balikat niya nang makaramdam ako nang kaunting hilo.

Natigilan ako at agad ding bumitiw sa kaniya. Napalunok ako at napaiwas ng tingin saka tumikhim.

“Umalis ka na!” asik ko na lang… dahil napahiya ako roon.

Evron’s cold expression was replaced with worry. “Are you really okay?” tanong niya.

“Okay lang ako!” singhal ko.

Akmang pagsasarhan ko na siya ng gate, pero natigilan ako nang iharang niya ang kamay sa gate. Natigilan ako at gulat na tumingin sa kaniya.

“What the hell are you doing?!” asik ko pa.

Napabuntonghininga siya at umiling.

Natigilan ako at napaatras nang bigla siyang yumuko… at habang hawak niya ang mangkok sa isang kamay, binuhat niya ako na parang sako… nang walang kahirap-hirap.

Natigilan ako. Hindi agad nagproseso sa akin ang ginawa niya. Napagtanto ko na lang habang naglalakad siya papasok sa bahay habang buhat ako.

“W-what the fuck is wrong with you?!” asik ko habang pilit na nagpupumiglas.

Hindi siya nakinig sa akin at patuloy akong dinala sa loob ng bahay.

“Wag kang malikot, baka matapon ang porridge,” sabi niya saka humawak nang mahigpit sa baywang ko.

“W-what the fuck are you touching?!” singhal ko.

“I’m sorry. I’m just worried,” sabi na lang niya.

Dinala niya ako sa couch saka iniupo roon. Inilapag niya ang mangkok na hawak sa may center table saka tumingin sa akin. Natigilan ako at napalunok nang humawak siya sa noo ko.

“Do you still have a fever?” he asked in a gentle tone.

I pushed his hand away. “Wala na akong lagnat! Nabigla lang ako dahil kakagising ko lang!”

Tumayo siya at biglang umalis nang walang sabi. Napakurap ako at nagtatakang hinabol siya ng tingin. Hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla na lang siyang umalis.

I cleared my throat.

Was I too harsh?

I shook my head. What the hell am I even thinking? Ano naman ngayon kung masyado akong harsh sa kaniya?! He deserves it!

I froze when he immediately came back. I looked at him with a confused stare.

“Bakit bumalik ka?” hindi ko napigilang itanong.

“I just closed the gate. Baka may makapasok na kung sino,” paliwanag niya.

Napabuga ako ng hangin, pilit na pinapakalma ang sarili ko.

“Bakit ka bumalik?! Dapat umalis ka na at bumalik sa inyo!” sikmat ko.

He shook his head. “I can’t just ignore that you’re sick… Thinking about it, you’re too harsh and rude. That’s maybe because your parents didn’t take care of you as a kid or something.”

Napaawang ang mga labi ko. “What the hell are you even saying?” tila hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko.

Hindi ko alam kung matatawa ba ako o maiinis sa pinagsasabi ng taong ‘to.

“I realized I still don’t like you as a person. You’re someone that I will never be friends with. Hindi tayo magkakasundo. You’re just too rude and homophobic. You’re an asshole too who thinks so highly of himself… The help that you’re offering, I won’t accept it anymore… But right now, I can’t ignore you. Baka bigla kang mamatay at hindi pa kayanin ng konsensya ko…” he sighed. “About my issue with Russ, I’ll take care of it from now on. You don’t have to involve yourself with it… Ayokong napipilitan ang ibang tao na tulungan ako.”

He sat manspreading on the center table and stared intently at me. His eyes were cold, but they seemed intense at the same time.

Napalunok ako. Hindi ko maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko. I’m palpitating… I didn’t even drink coffee.

“After this, we’re done. Let’s not talk to each other anymore,” he said in a cold tone.

Chapter Eighteen

“Eat,” utos niya saka inilapit sa akin ang kutsara.

I glared at Evron and showed him my middle finger. “Fuck off! I don’t need you to feed me! Umalis ka na nga ng pamamahay ko!” sigaw ko.

He stared coldly at me. “Ang tigas ng ulo mo,” mariing sabi niya.

I gritted my teeth. Umamba ako ng suntok sa kaniya. My fist was about to land on his face but he immediately caught my fist. I don’t know why I feel so fucking small against this guy.

I’m Rhiatt! A six-footer basketball player with a fucking hot and muscular body!

“Mas malakas pa ang bata sa’yo, Rhiatt. You’re too weak…” tila nang-iinis na sabi niya. Pero wala naman sa tono niya ang intensyong mang-asar. Naiinis lang siguro talaga ko sa kaniya.

“What the fuck?! Mahina lang ako ngayon dahil kakagaling ko lang sa sakit!” depensa ko.

Umiling siya at muling inilapit sa akin ang kutsarang may porridge. Naiinis na hinawi ko ang kamay niya dahilan para tumapon ang kutsara sa sahig. Tumingin siya roon… Hindi nakatakas sa paningin ko ang pag igting ng panga niya, tila nagtitimpi siya.

Tumayo siya at kinuha ang kutsara. Nagtungo siya sa kusina at bumalik na may bagong kutsara. He was staring coldly at me as he walked. Napaiwas ako ng tingin at napakuyom sa mga kamao ko.

“I told you to just fucking leave! Ano ba sa’yo kung may sakit ako?!” I looked at him and glared. “No way! Do you care about me? Do you like me?!” naiiritang tanong ko.

Muli siyang umupo sa center table sa tapat ko at matiim na tumitig sa akin.

“No, I don’t like you. Why do you keep assuming that?” tila iritado ring tanong niya.

Kinuha niyang muli ang mangkok saka kinutsara iyon at muling inilapit sa akin. Akmang hahawiin ko ulit iyon pero agad siyang nagsalita.

“Go ahead and try, Rhiatt. I will fucking tie you up and force you to eat this if you won’t stop giving me an attitude,” mariing sabi niya.

Natigagal ako sa sinabi niya. Napaawang ang mga labi ko at gulat na tumingin sa kaniya. “W-what the fuck did you just say?!”

He stared coldly at me. His eyes seemed serious. “Try me, Rhiatt…” he said in a cold tone. “I’m way bigger and stronger than you…” his jaw clenched.

Hindi na ako nagsalita pa. I wanted to shout at him and punch him… But I remained silent.

Fuck. Am I fucking scared?! Ako? Sa tulad niya?!

Why am I even scared when I’m a real man and he’s gay?!

Evron slightly tilted his head, staring at me. “Good boy,” he muttered.

Nag-init ang buong mukha ko sa sinabi niya. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa gulat.

“W-what… W-what the fuck did you just say, you creep?!” asik ko.

He raised his eyebrow. “What’s wrong? Did I say something wrong?” he asked in a cold tone. “Baka marumi lang ang isip mo.” He chuckled. “So much for straight guy,” he mumbled.

Mas lalo akong nanggalaiti sa inis. Siguro pulang pula na ang mukha ko sa galit ngayon. Malakas na nakakuyom ang mga kamao ko… Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nagkakaganito… at kung bakit ba nangyayari sa akin ito.

Muli niya akong sinubukang subuan. I cleared my throat and took the spoon from him.

“A-ako na. Kaya ko naman ang sarili ko,” sabi ko sa mahinang boses.

Hinayaan na lang ako ni Evron at hindi na nagsalita pa. Kinain ko na lang ang porridge para matapos na ito.

Natigilan ako. Masarap ang porridge, kaso hindi na mainit. Nauna ang pakikipag-away ko kay Evron kaya hindi ko nakain agad noong mainit pa.

Hindi na lang din ako nagreklamo pa at tumuloy na lang sa pagkain. Nararamdaman kong nakatingin sa akin si Evron, pero hindi na lang ako tumitingin at pilit na itinutuon ang atensyon ko sa kinakain ko.

Nang maubos ko na ang porridge, nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya. He was still looking at me. Hindi ko malaman kung ano ang iniisip niya ngayon. Hindi ko rin mabasa ang emosyon sa mga mata niya.

“Why the hell are you looking at me like that?” tanong ko sa mahinahong boses, pero bakas pa rin ang pagka-irita roon.

He slightly tilted his head. His eyes squinted. “Why does everyone think that you and Russ look alike? I don’t see any similarity at all,” he muttered. “Russ is obviously prettier… and more satisfying and pleasant to look at.”

Napakuyom ang kamao ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nakaramdam ako ng matinding inis sa sinabi niya. Parang gusto ko siyang bigwasan ngayon… pero pilit kong pinigilan ang sarili ko.

“Gago ka pala, e! Wala talaga kaming similarity ng Russ na ‘yon dahil hindi naman ako bading! And of course I’m not pretty! Lalaki ako, e!” hindi ko napigilang magtaas ng boses.

Evron grinned. “Wala naman akong sinasabing bading ka.”

I bit the insides of my cheeks. Hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman ko. Hindi ko rin naman maipaliwanag.

Tumayo na lang ako at kinwelyuhan siya patayo. Inabot ko sa kanya ang mangkok niya saka hinila siya palabas ng bahay ko. Hindi naman siya pumalag at nagpatianod sa akin.

Agad kong binuksan ang gate at itinulak siya palabas doon.

Evron sighed and shrugged. “Okay, Rhiatt. You’re welcome,” he said in a sarcastic tone.

“Hindi ako nagpapasalamat sa’yo dahil wala akong dapat ipasalamat! You forced yourself here! Sinabi ko na ngang hindi ko kailangan ng tulong mo! There’s nothing for me to be thankful for, fucker!” asik ko.

He shrugged. “Okay… Still, you’re welcome… By the way, after this… We’re on our own ways anyway. Again, you don’t have to help me with Russ anymore.”

Umismid ako. “Okay, fine. Good luck na lang sa’yo. Ni hindi ka nga makasdikarte sa kaniya, e. Tingnan na lang natin kung may mararating ka ng walang tulong ko.”

“You’re too full of yourself…” Napailing siya.

“Alis na!” asik ko na lang.

Natigilan ako at napaatras nang humakbang siya palapit sa akin. Humawak siya sa noo ko. Natulos ako sa kinatatayuan ko. Napalunok na lang ako… hindi alam kung saan titingin… o kung ano ang gagawin.

What the fuck is happening to me?!

Nang matauhan ako, inalis ko ang pagkakahawak niya sa akin at nanlilisik na tumingin sa kaniya.

“What the fuck?! Gago ka ba?!” asik ko.

“Tiningnan ko lang kung may lagnat ka pa,” he said in a harmless tone.

Napalunok ako at agad na siyang pinagsaraduhan ng gate. Nagmamadaling pumasok ako sa bahay saka dumiretso sa silid ko.

Nang makarating ako sa silid ko, agad akong umupo sa kama at napatitig sa sahig.

I clasped my chest. Why am I palpitating so bad? Hindi ko maipaliwanag ang nararamdaman ko… Kinakabahan ba ako? Bakit naman ako kakabahan?

Napakagat ako nang mariin sa ibabang labi ko at bumagsak sa kama. Mabigat ang dibdib ko, hindi ko maipaliwanag kung ano ‘tong nararamdaman ko.

I’m so damn confused. Hindi ko maalala ang huling beses na nakaramdam ako ng ganito. Ni hindi ko alam kung nakaramdam na ba ako ng ganito… I wasn’t even like this when I took the Architect Licensure Exam.

I took my phone and called Leander. Baka sakaling maipaliwanag niya sa akin ang nararamdaman ko ngayon.

“What’s up, Rhiatt? Bakit bigla kang napatawag?”
tanong niya matapos agad na sagutin ang tawag ko.

“Leander… There’s this certain person who makes me nervous. I can’t explain… Takot ba ako sa kanya? But I don’t understand. Wala naman siyang ginawa na dapat kong ikatakot,” agad na sabi ko.

Saglit na natahimik si Leander, tila hindi alam kung ano ang sasabihin sa akin.

“That person makes you nervous? Paano mo naman nasabi?”
tanong niya.

“Well, nagpa-palpitate yata ako, Leander… Hinawakan niya ako sa noo, para akong kinakabahan. Basta… Ganoon ako kapag hinawakan niya ako o lalapitan. Para akong kinakabahan… Was I scared or disgusted? Hindi ko maipaliwanag.”

Natigilan si Leander. Nagtatakang tumingin ako sa phone ko dahil bigla siyang natahimik. Akala ko naman nawala na siya… But he’s still on the other line.

“Rhiatt…”

Natigilan ako nang bigla siyang magsalita. “Oh? Ano?! Ang tagal naman sumagot!” iritadong sabi ko.

“Are you for real, Rhiatt?”
tanong niya.
“Bakit hindi mo alam ‘yan? Have you never liked someone before? ‘Di ba may mga naging girlfriend ka naman.”

Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. Tila binuhusan ako ng malamig na tubig. “W-what?!” asik ko. “Dude, what the fuck are you talking about?!”

Leander chuckled on the other line.
“So, who’s the unlucky girl? Kwento naman diyan pag—”

Hindi ko na pinatapos ang sasabihin niya at agad na pinatay ang tawag. Natigilan ako at napatulala sa kisame.

I laughed like a crazy man and shook my head. I smacked my own chest while shaking my head. I’m still palpitating so bad. Mas lalong lumalala sa tuwing pumapasok sa isip ko si Evron.

Damn! That’s impossible! No fucking way!

Chapter Nineteen

“Ano na, dude? Sino ba kasi ang malas na babaeng gusto mo?” natatawang tanong ni Leander.

Humagalpak ng tawa si Connor. Hindi ako kumibo at nanatiling nakatitig sa center table, kung saan nakaupo si Evron kagabi. Napapikit ako nang mariin at napakuyom sa kamao ko.

Hindi ako nakatulog nang maayos dahil sa pinagsasabi ng gagong Leander na ‘to.

I glared at Leander. “Gago ka ba?! Gusto agad?! I was just palpitating!”

Leander grinned. “Gano’n naman talaga ‘yon. Sabi mo wala namang dahilan para matakot o kabahan ka sa presensya niya… and you’re palpitating. What could be the other reason for that?” he chuckled. “Para ka namang baguhan niyan, Rhiatt. ‘Di ba marami ka nang naging girlfriend? Bakit parang bago sa’yo? Tanda mo na, dude.”

“Because I never felt something like this with my exes before! Why are you so sure that I like hi–I mean, that person?!”

My pulse raced. Damn! That made me nervous. Muntik na akong madulas na lalaki ang tinutukoy ko. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sila haharapin ulit kapag nalaman nilang lalaki ang tinutukoy ko.

“Baka ngayon ka lang na-in love nang totoo? If you’ll come to think of it. Wala namang girlfriend na nagtagal sa’yo. It’s either ikaw ang nakikipagbreak or sila… pero hinahayaan mo lang naman sila. So, baka hindi ka pa talaga nagkagusto nang totoo… ngayon pa lang,” paliwanag ni Leander.

“Bakit ba iyon agad ang unang pumapasok sa isip mo? Hindi ba pwedeng ayoko sa kaniya? I hate hi–I mean… I hate her! I just don’t like her at all! Paano naman naging ibig sabihin no’n na gusto ko siya?” I frustratedly asked.

Where did he even get that idea? Gusto agad?! There’s no reason for me to like him… and besides… lalaki ako! Lalaking lalaki ako!

“Nakakaramdam ka ba ng ganyan sa ibang taong kinaiinisan mo? Tumitibok tibok ‘yung puso mo sa kanila tapos parang kinakabahan ka kapag hinahawakan ka nila?” tila nanunuksong tanong pa ni Leander.

Natahimik ako… Hindi ko na alam ang ilulusot kong katwiran.

Tama siya. Hindi pa ako nakaramdam ng ganito sa iba noon.

“Maybe I just hate her so much! Baka ganoon lang!” pangungumbinsi ko pa sa kaniya.

“Bro, tama na. Masyado nang obvious… Saka ano naman kung gusto mo siya? Just court her and make her your girlfriend? Ganoon lang naman kadali ‘yon,” sabi ni Connor saka itinaas ang mga paa sa center table.

Tumango si Leander, tila sumasang ayon sa sinabi ni Connor.    

This would be fucking easy if he’s a girl! Kaso hindi! Lalaki!

Napahilamos ako sa mukha ko saka napabuga ng hangin.

Tang ina. Bakit ba nangyayari sa’kin ‘to? Panaginip lang ba ‘to? O baka nasisiraan lang ako ng bait?

“By the way… I’m curious. Wala naman ako nakikitang babae na nakakasalamuha mo these past few days… Sinong babae ba ang tinutukoy mo?” nagtatakang tanong ni Connor.

Pakiramdam ko pinagpawisan ako ng malamig sa tanong niya. Napalunok din ako. I bit the insides of my cheeks, trying to think of something to say.

Tang ina. Bakit kasi kinaibigan ko itong dalawang ‘to?!

“Basta… Ayokong sabihin sa inyo!” palusot ko na lang.

Nagkatinginan sina Connor at Leander saka natawa.

“Bro, takot na takot ka naman masyado sa’min. Don’t worry, hindi namin aagawin,” natatawang pang-aasar ni Connor.

Humagalpak ng tawa si Leander. Tiningnan ko sila nang masama. Kung pwede ko lang patayin ang dalawang ‘to baka kanina ko pa ginawa.

Napailing na lang ako at tumayo saka lumabas. Iniwan ko na sila roon sa loob. Bahala sila riyan. Mga bwisit sa buhay ko!

Paglabas ko ng bahay, natigilan ako nang maabutan ko si Evron na dinidiligan ang mga halaman niya sa labas ng bahay.

Napatingin siya sa akin. Pero hindi siya nagsalita at muling ibinalik ang atensyon sa ginagawa.

Napakagat ako nang mariin sa ibabang labi ko nang maalala ang pinagsasabi niya kagabi.

Oo nga pala, sabi niya magdedmahan na ulit kami.

Tumikhim ako at lumapit sa kaniya. “Hoy, sigurado ka bang hindi mo na kailangan ang tulong ko kay Russ?”

He stopped watering the plants and looked at me with a bored expression. “No, I don’t need your help,” sabi niya saka muling bumalik sa ginagawa.

I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists.

He’s fucking pissing me off!

“Yeah, right. I hope you succeed, asshole,” I mumbled.

Nanatili akong nakatayo sa tabi niya. Napabuga ako ng hangin at napahawak sa batok ko.

Evron stopped and looked at me. He raised his eyebrow. “Why are you still here?” tanong niya pa.

Oo nga… Bakit hindi pa ako umaalis?!

“Are you sure you won’t need my help?” I chuckled. “Wala namang masama magbaba ng pride.”

Evron looked at me with disbelief. Napabuga siya ng hangin saka ibinaba ang watering can. Nagpamulsa siya saka humakbang palapit sa akin.

Napamura ako sa isip ko. I’m fucking palpitating again. I licked my lower lip and avoided his gaze. I could feel my pulse racing. Ilang mura na yata ang nasabi ko sa isip ko dahil tila hindi ako mapakali sa presensya niya.

Mabilis akong sumulyap sa kaniya. He’s wearing a black fitted shirt and gray shorts… and his white crocs. I don’t know how he can easily pull off simple clothes.

Damn it. Why am I fucking complimenting this asshole?!

“You’re really confusing, Rhiatt… Hindi ko alam kung ano bang pakay mo sa akin. Why are you like this to me?” Evron asked while staring coldly at me.

I did my best to look calm and unbothered. I grinned and crossed my arms. “Wala naman akong pakay sa’yo. Ano ba’ng pakialam ko sa’yo?”

“Exactly. Wala ka namang pakialam sa akin… Then why don’t you just leave me alone? Usapan natin kagabi na huli na iyon. We’ll treat each other as strangers again…” he said in a cold tone.

Agad akong napaisip. He has a point. Bakit ba hindi ko na lang siya lubayan at mabuhay na lang ulit na hindi siya nag-e-exist sa akin?

I’m so damn confused with myself too. Hindi ko na rin maintindihan kung bakit ako nagkakaganito sa ungas na ‘to.

“Hindi ako pinapatahimik ng konsensya ko! I assumed that you like me, that’s why I’m trying to make it up to you by helping you with Russ,” pagdadahilan ko na lang.

He nodded. “I see… But just like what I said last night… I don’t want you to do anything for me if you’re just forced to do so. My problem with Russ is none of your concern. The only way for you to make it up to me is by leaving me alone.”

Pagkasabi no’n, kinuha na niya ang watering can saka pumasok sa loob ng bahay niya. Naiwan ako roon na nakatayo… na parang tanga.

I clasped my chest. Napangiwi ako at napabuga ng hangin.

Tang ina. Bakit parang ang sikip sa dibdib?

It felt like I was running out of air. Masikip sa dibdib na parang nahihirapan akong huminga. When was the last time I felt something like this? Noong hindi ako nakapasok sa basketball team na pangarap ko?

No, this time it’s worse. I never felt something like this before… Is this the feeling of rejection?

Nanghihinang napasandal ako sa gate ng bahay ni Evron habang nakahawak pa rin sa dibdib ko.

I laughed in disbelief and shook my head.

Damn. I must be out of my fucking mind.

Chapter Twenty

Tahimik na pinapanood ko lang si Russ habang nag-aasikaso ng pagkain. Kinakagat kagat ko ang kuko ko. Hindi ko alam kung paano bubwelo ng tanong sa kaniya.

Russ stopped and looked at me. “Uhm… Bakit kanina ka pa nakatingin?” he asked in an awkward tone.

I cleared my throat and tapped my fingers on the table. I licked my lower lip and sighed.

“Uhm… How did you realize that you’re… I mean… gay?” I asked.

Russ blinked twice. Tila hindi niya inaasahan ang tanong kong iyon. Napakagat ako sa ibabang labi ko. Ayoko rin sanang itanong sa totoo lang, kaso wala naman akong magagawa kundi itanong. Mamatay na ako sa curiosity.

“W-why are you suddenly asking that?” tanong niya pa.

“Gusto ko lang malaman. Kung ayaw mo sagutin, e ‘di, ‘wag!” iritadong sabi ko na lang.

Russ chuckled. “Well… Hmm. Bata pa lang ako na-realize ko nang hindi ako nag-e-enjoy sa mga laruang panlalaki. I enjoy playing basketball, but I wasn’t interested in girls. Noong elementary, hindi ko pa naman siya gaanong pansin. Pero no’ng high school, doon ko napansin na hindi ako sa babae interesado. Nagkagusto ako sa kaklase kong lalaki. Noong una, confused ako. Kasi sa pamilya natin, ‘di ba, palaging ini-instill sa utak natin na bawal ‘yon. Pero wala, e. Hindi ko rin naman nakontrol. Sinubukan kong pumatol sa babae, pero wala talaga, e.”

I licked my lower lip. I never expected that I will be invested in this kind of story.

“What made you realize that you like boys… and not girls?” I asked.

“Mahirap siya ipaliwanag, e. Sa akin kasi parang natural lang na nangyari. Na-in love ako sa lalaki… Akala ko no’ng una baka sa taong ‘yon lang ako interesado… Baka hindi naman talaga ako bakla… Pero wala, e. Hindi talaga ako nakakaramdam ng kahit anong attraction o excitement sa babae. Siguro pag may maganda, magagandahan… Pero ‘yung magiging girlfriend ko o papatulan? I just can’t imagine.”

Natigilan ako at napaisip. Nagkaroon naman ako ng girlfriends in the past. I felt the spark with them. Alam ko naman sa sarili ko na nagustuhan ko sila… Siguro hindi lang sobrang lalim.

“But if a man had girlfriends in the past… hindi naman siya bakla no’n, ‘di ba?” I asked.

Natigilan si Russ at saglit na napaisip. “Hmm… Hindi naman. Hindi porke nagkaroon ng girlfriends before, hindi na bakla. May iba talagang gays na late na nila na-realize na gay sila…”

Napalunok ako. “May kakilala kasi ako… Uhm, straight naman siya. Nagkaroon siya ng girlfriends before, pero ano… P-parang interested siya sa isang lalaki. Ano ‘yon? Homosexual na siya?” tanong ko pa.

Russ smiled at me. “Broad naman ang sexual orientation, Rhiatt. There’s bisexuality, pansexual, demisexual, sapiosexual…”

Napahawak ako sa sentido ko. Sumakit yata ang ulo ko sa pinagsasabi niya.

Natawa siya sa naging reaksyon ko.

He cleared his throat. “Okay… Una meron tayong tinatawag na gender identity, Rhiatt. Gender identity is your personal sense of being male, or female, or other gender. It’s your personal sense of what your gender is. Next naman, ‘yong gender orientation. Gender orientation depends on who you are attracted to or want to have relationships with… Gender identity and gender orientation are different things.”

Napatango ako sa sinabi niya. Pinag-aralan yata namin ito noong college kaso hindi ako nakikinig. Ngayon ko lang ito naintindihan.

“Ano’ng connection niyan sa sitwasyon ng kaibigan ko?” tanong ko. Dami kasing sinasabi, e!

“Sa case ng kaibigan mo… Nagkaroon siya ng girlfriends in the past. Tapos feeling niya, parang nagkakagusto siya sa isang lalaki ngayon, ‘di ba?” tanong niya.

Tumango ako. “Yes, exactly.”

“Actually, it’s up to him naman. I won’t be able to conclude if he’s really gay or not kasi siya naman ang nakakakilala sa sarili niya at sa nararamdaman niya. But his case doesn’t automatically mean that he’s gay. Pwede ring bakla siya at ngayon niya lang nadiskubre sa sarili niya… Pero pwede namang interesado siya roon sa lalaki regardless of that man’s gender. Maybe it’s more of emotional aspect, and hindi na related ang gender doon. May pansexual naman tayong tinatawag. Pansexuals feel attraction to people regardless of their gender. They are gender blind.”

Napakunot ang noo ko. “This sexuality thing is fucking confusing. Pare-parehas lang naman ‘yan sa paningin ko. Kung lalaki ka at nagkagusto ka sa lalaki, hindi ba’t bakla na ‘yon?” tanong ko pa.

I hate this whole thing at first… but now I’m fucking curious. 

Russ smiled. “I know. It can be really confusing to some people,” he chuckled. “Pero importante ba iyon para sa kaniya? Kung confused pa siya, hindi niya naman kaagad kailangan pangalanan kung ano siya… kung ano’ng gender identity o sexual orientation niya… Ang mahalaga sa ngayon kung ano ‘yung nararamdaman niya. Ano ba ‘yung nararamdaman niya roon sa tao? Iyon ang mas mahalaga sa ngayon, ‘di ba?”

Natahimik ako sa sinabi niya. Oo nga. Siguro masyado kong ino-overthink kung magiging ano ako. Mas mahalaga sa akin malaman kung ano ang nararamdaman ko para sa Evron na iyon.

Napalunok ako at muling tumingin kay Russ para tanungin siya.

“Russ… Paano niya raw ba malalaman kung gusto niya ‘yung tao? Nahihirapan kasi siya alamin…” I said in a weak tone.

Russ chuckled. “Romantic feelings can be really confusing. Mahirap siya tukuyin o siguruhin kung minsan… Pero actually, madali lang naman siya, Rhiatt…” he smiled. “Kung nagseselos siya.”

Natigilan ako. “Nagseselos?”

Russ nodded. “Oo… Kapag nakita niya ‘yung tao na ‘yon na may kasamang iba, o nakangiti sa iba, nakahawak sa iba… at naramdaman niyang parang mabigat sa dibdib niya… na para bang naiinggit siya… Iyon na… Gusto niya talaga ang taong ‘yon.”

I bit the insides of my cheeks and nodded. Yeah, right. I never felt something like that before… Hindi ko pa naramdaman ang ganoong bagay kay Evron. Siguro hindi ko naman talaga siya gusto.

Pakiramdam ko, nabunutan ako ng tinik.

PAGKATAPOS NI RUSS mag-asikaso ng pagkain ko, umalis din siya agad dahil may aasikasuhin pa siya.

Pasipol sipol ako habang nanonood ng tv sa living room. Hindi maalis ang ngiti sa labi ko. Para akong nakakulong tapos biglang nakalaya.

I knew it! Imposibleng magustuhan ko ang Evron na iyon. Baka naguguluhan lang ako dahil matagal na akong walang girlfriend.

Natigilan ako nang tumunog ang phone ko. Agad kong kinuha iyon. Nakita kong nag-chat si Connor sa group chat namin.

Connor:

Tara guys! Bar tayo! Tagal na natin hindi napunta ro’n.

Leander:

Sige, go ako.

Napangisi ako… dahil good mood ako, sige sasama rin ako.

Agad akong nag-reply na sasama rin ako.

Tumayo ako saka pinatay ang tv. Dumiretso ako sa kwarto ko para magpalit ng damit. Nagsuot ako ng simpleng v-neck white shirt at jeans dahil kahit ano namang isuot ko, gwapo pa rin ako.

Kinuha ko ang relo ko sa bedside table saka kinuha ang jacket ko sa closet. Lumapit ako sa bintana at akmang isasara iyon, pero natigilan ako nang mapatingin sa labas.

Nasa labas pa si Russ… nasa labas ng bahay ni Evron. They were talking about something. They seemed serious. Mukhang kanina pa sila riyan.

Evron touched Russ’ arm and looked at him tenderly. Russ tried to remove his hand, but Evron touched his face… Evron stared at him as if he was longing for him.

May sinabi pa si Evron. Ilang saglit pa, niyaya niya si Russ papasok sa bahay niya at pumasok na sila sa loob.

Napahawak ako sa pader malapit sa bintana dahil tila nawalan ako ng balanse.

I clasped my chest. I could feel my chest tightening. Para bang ang hirap huminga… masakit sa dibdib.

Nanghihinang sumandal ako sa pader at napatitig sa kisame.

My hands were shaking… as if I just witnessed the most heart wrenching scene of my life.

Napalunok ako at napahilamos sa mukha ko. Pakiramdam ko, binuhusan ako ng malamig na tubig.

Tang ina… Nagseselos ako? Sa kanila?

Chapter Twenty-One

“Hoy, bakit parang wala ka sa mood?”

Natigilan ako nang akbayan ako ni Connor. Naiiritang inalis ko ang pagkakahawak niya sa balikat ko.

Nandito na kami sa bar. Dapat nag-e-enjoy ako ngayon, pero ito ako at nagmumukmok.

Naiinis na ginulo ko ang buhok ko at napapikit nang mariin.

Tang ina! Bakit ba ako nagseselos?! Ano naman kung magkasama ang dalawang ‘yon? Dapat matuwa pa ako dahil lulubayan na nila ako… Babalik na sa normal ang buhay ko.

Natigilan ako nang may babaeng lumapit sa amin. She was wearing a red bodycon dress, revealing her cleavage. She smiled at me.

“You’re Rhiatt, right? The basketball player? Nakita agad kita, ang tangkad mo kasi,” nakangiting sabi niya.

Tumikhim si Connor saka pasimple akong siniko. Napahawak ako sa batok ko at hinimas iyon… I don’t know. She’s beautiful and hot… but I’m just not interested.

Tumayo si Connor at hinila si Leander. Ngumiti si Connor sa babae. “You can sit beside him… Aalis na kami. Iwan na namin kayong dalawa.”

Ngumiti ang babae kay Connor at nagpasalamat. Umalis din naman agad sina Connor at iniwan kami.

The woman sat on my lap and hugged my nape. She smiled at me.

“You’re more handsome in person. By the way, I’m your huge fan,” she said in a seductive tone.

I forced a smile. “Thanks.”

Tang ina. Babae na ang nalapit sa akin… bakit wala akong gana?

“Hmm…” she drew small circles on my chest with her finger. “Do you want to go somewhere private?” she asked.

Tumayo siya at humawak sa kamay ko saka hinila ako. Hindi na lang ako kumontra at nagpatianod sa kaniya. Maybe I need this. Baka masyado lang akong na-attach kay Evron dahil madalas kaming magkasama at magkita.

I just need a woman’s embrace. Tama. Ganoon nga siguro. Imposibleng magkagusto ako sa kaniya. I’m straight! Paano ako magkakagusto sa katulad niya?

Nagtungo kami sa private VIP room ng bar. We went inside. She immediately closed the door and smiled at me.

“Do you have a girlfriend, Rhiatt?” she asked.

I shook my head. Napahawak naman siya sa dibdib niya, tila nakahinga nang maluwag.

“That’s good to hear…”

Hinila niya ako paupo sa couch. Muli siyang umupo sa kandungan ko. She hugged my nape and crushed her soft lips on mine. I touched her back and pulled her closer… and then I kissed her back.

Right… This is what I should be doing. Para dito ako… para sa babae ako.

I was just confused.

She moaned against my lips. Idinikit niya ang dibdib sa akin. She kissed me torridly… hungrily. I could feel her tongue in my mouth. She held my hand and put it on her boob… as if she was telling me to touch them.

I tried to focus. I was kissing her back, but my mind was elsewhere. Pumapasok pa rin sa isip ko si Evron… I remembered when we accidentally kissed. I remembered when he carried me… and touched my forehead to see if I still had a fever. I remembered when he took care of me the whole night.

I also remembered how he looked at Russ… and how he touched him.

I gripped the woman’s shoulders and pulled her away from me. Natigilan siya at nagtatakang tumingin sa akin.

I was catching my breath… I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Why am I like this?

“Is there something wrong?” the woman asked in a soft tone.

I felt bad. I looked at her. She seemed confused with my action.

“A-am I not your type?” she stuttered.

I shook my head. “No, no… T-that’s not it. You’re hot and beautiful… I’m sorry… Marami lang akong iniisip.”

Umalis ang babae sa kandungan ko saka umupo sa tabi ko. “I’m sorry, Rhiatt… Was I too aggressive?” she asked in a worried tone.

I shook my head. “No, not at all… Ako lang ang may problema.”

The woman looked at me with concern in her eyes. “May problema ka ba? Do you want someone to talk to?” Natigilan siya at tumayo. “Wait, I’ll just bring something for us to drink.”

Umalis siya… pero agad ding bumalik. May dala siyang alak at baso pagbalik niya. Umupo siya sa tabi ko saka inilapag sa table ang dala.

“This is on me… By the way, I’m the owner of this bar. I’m Miyara. Just call me Yara,” pagpapakilala niya sa sarili.

I smiled and nodded. “Thanks, Yara.”

“So, what’s your dilemma? Mukhang problemado ka,” sabi niya saka nagsalin ng whiskey sa baso saka inabot iyon sa akin.

I looked at her and raised my eyebrow. “You didn’t put something in here, did you?” I asked suspiciously.

Imbis na ma-offend, natawa siya sa tanong ko. Kinuha niya ang baso sa akin at siya ang naunang uminom.

Yara smiled at me. “See? Safe ‘yan… So, what’s your problem? Baka makatulong ako sa’yo.”

I shook my head. “I don’t feel good telling my problems to a stranger… Lalo na sa fan ko,” I chuckled.

Yara laughed. “Eme ko lang ‘yon. Hindi mo ‘ko fan. Type lang talaga kita noong una kitang nakita, kasi matangkad ka at gwapo. ‘Yung waitress ko ang nakakilala sa’yo.”

“You better not tell anyone this. Sa’yo ko lang ito sasabihin kaya kapag kumalat ‘to, ikaw ang una kong hahagilapin,” pananakot ko sa kaniya.

Yara nodded. “Yes po. Secret lang.”

I sighed and licked my lower lip. “Well…” I sighed again. “Well… There’s this guy… and I think… I like him.”

Napasinghap siya sa sinabi ko. Nanlaki ang mga mata niya at napaawang ang mga labi niya. “Oh my gosh. Did I just try to hook up with—”

“No, I’m not… I-I mean… I wasn’t sure yet,” I muttered. “Damn. I’m so confused. I fucking hate this. I hate gays… and I will become one? What kind of fucking curse is that?” naiiritang tanong ko saka hinagod ang buhok ko.

Yara chuckled. “Wow. That’s a great way of punishing a homophobe,” napapailing na sabi niya.

I glared at her. Damn. This woman is like a girl version of Connor and Leander.

I hissed. “This whole thing is pissing me off. I don’t want to like him at all… Pero tang ina… kapit-bahay ko siya. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko iiwasan ‘to.”

Inabutan ako ng whiskey ni Yara na ininom ko naman agad.

“Mahirap iwasan ‘yan, Rhiatt… Hindi naman kasi nasunod sa atin ang puso natin most of the time. Kahit nga hindi mo nakikita o kasama ‘yong tao na ‘yon, for sure napasok pa rin siya sa isip mo. Noong naghahalikan tayo kanina, siguro iniisip mo siya, ‘no?” pang-aakusa niya sa akin.

I sighed and drank another shot of whiskey. “Is this really my karma?” I whispered.

Yara crossed her legs. “Ano ba ang gusto mo? Gusto mo bang umamin sa kaniya? Gusto mo siya maging boyfriend?” tanong niya.

Natigilan ako. May senaryong pumasok sa isip ko… magkasama kaming dalawa sa iisang bahay.

I slapped myself. Napasinghap si Yara sa ginawa ko.

What the fuck am I thinking?!

Kinuha ko ang isang bote ng whiskey at tinungga iyon. Napaawang ang mga labi ni Yara.

“Wow… You really seem to be having a hard time, Rhiatt.”

HINDI KO na namalayan na halos maubos ko na ang isang bote ng whiskey. Hindi ako pinigilan ni Yara. Hinayaan niya lang ako uminom at magsalita nang magsalita.

“Okay ka lang ba? Kaya mo ba umuwi? Nasaan ang mga kaibigan mo?” tanong ni Yara habang inaakay niya ako palabas ng bar.

Nakaakbay ako sa kaniya at nakahawak naman siya sa baywang ko. Hindi naman mababa ang alcohol tolerance ko, pero hindi ko alam kung bakit tila nalasing na agad ako sa ininom ko.

Nang makalabas kami sa bar, natigilan kaming pareho nang may matangkad na lalaki na humarang sa amin.

Agad akong nag-angat ng tingin… Napalunok ako. Kahit na lasing ako, pakiramdam ko nagising ang diwa ko nang makita siya.

Ano’ng ginagawa niya rito?

“Kuya Evron… Nandito ka na agad?” tanong ni Yara.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at napatingin kay Yara.
What the fuck?!

Yara smiled at me. “Ah, pinsan ko pala, si Kuya Evron.”

Fuck! Fuck!

I gulped and looked at Evron. He was glaring at me.

“Are you hooking up with my cousin?” he asked in a cold tone.

“Kuya naman… Hindi na ako bata,” naiiritang sabi ni Yara.

“Tita’s worried about you. Baka napapariwara ka na raw dahil sa bar na ‘yan na tinayo mo,” sabi pa ni Evron.

Hindi magawang magproseso sa akin ng pinag-uusapan nila. Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala na magpinsan sila.

Evron looked at me and shook his head. “What are you trying to do with my cousin?” he asked.

Napalunok ako at umiling. “W-wala… Wala kaming ginagawa,” I said… And I don’t know why I fucking sound defensive.

Napakurap si Yara. “You knew each other?” she asked.

“He’s my neighbor,” tipid na sagot na lang ni Evron.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Yara at gulat na tumingin sa akin. “W-wait… Evron is the one you’re talking abou—”

Agad kong tinakpan ang bibig niya. Pakiramdam ko namumuo na ang mga pawis sa noo ko.

Tang ina talaga!

Nagulat na lang ako nang humawak si Evron sa braso ko at hinila ako palayo kay Yara. He glared at me.

“What the fuck are you doing to my cousin, huh?” 

 * * *

A/N: hi! araw po ng eleksyon ngayon. nakakatamad makipagsiksikan sa dami ng taong naboto, pero karapatan natin piliin kung sino ang iluluklok sa posisyon. isipin po natin ang mga pamilya at kaanak na minimum wage earner at estudyante… ang mga magsasaka, mangingisda… ang mga senior citizen, PWD, at mga kabataan. maging matalino po para sa kapakanan ng bansa. hindi lang po para sa atin ang boto natin… 

bumoto NG matalino.
bumoto NANG matalino.

Chapter Twenty-Two

“Can’t you fucking handle yourself?” Evron asked while carrying me. “Gaano ba karami ang ininom mo?” tanong pa niya.

Dinala niya ako rito sa bahay niya… Dahil hindi niya ako makausap nang matino… Hindi niya alam kung paano ako ipapasok sa bahay ko. 

But no. I’m not drunk at all. I’m just pretending to be drunk. I must be really out of my mind.

Bakit ba ako napunta sa sitwasyon ito?!

Sa sobrang kaba ko kanina nang magkakaharap kami nina Yara, nagpanggap akong nawalan ng malay. I don’t really want to do that, but I had no choice.

Lihim akong napakagat sa ibabang labi ko. Gusto ko sanang gumising na… kaso baka masyadong obvious na nagkunwari lang akong hinimatay.

He was carrying me like a sack as he went inside his house. Basta na lang niya ako ibinagsak sa couch niya nang makarating kami sa living room na para bang hindi niya matagalan na buhat niya ako. Tahimik kong ininda ang sakit ng likod dahil basta na lang ako inihagis ng ungas na Evron na ‘to!

“Ang sakit mo sa ulo,” mahinang sinabi na lang ni Evron at napailing.

Nanatili akong nakapikit, nagpapanggap na walang malay. Tangina. Paano ko ba tatakasan ang sitwasyon na ito?

Tumakas na lang kaya ako kapag pumasok na siya sa kuwarto niya? Ganoon na lang! Tatakas na lang ako. Siguro aakyatin ko na lang ang gate niya. Kaya ko naman iyon, e.

Tangina kasi! Hindi ko alam na magpinsan pala sila ni Yara! Sobrang malas ko naman! Sana talaga hindi na lang ako nagkwento kay Yara!

Umalis din si Evron at pumasok sa kuwarto niya. Agad kong idinilat ang mga mata ko at hinabol siya ng tingin. Napalunok ako at napahawak sa dibdib ko.

Sumilip ako sa labas. Wala na akong ibang ideya na maisip kundi ang tumakas sa gate.

Napasinghap ako nang marinig kong bumukas ang kuwarto ni Evron. Agad akong pumikit at nagpanggap na tulog.

Narinig ko ang mga hakbang ni Evron. Nang tila nasa tapat ko na siya. Hinagisan niya ako ng kumot saka umalis ulit.

Napalunok ako. Hinintay kong magsara ulit ang pinto ng kuwarto niya.

When I heard the door closed, I immediately opened my eyes. Agad akong bumangon at napatingin sa kumot na inihagis niya sa akin. Ni hindi niya man lang inilagay nang maayos sa akin. Bwisit na ‘yon!

Napailing ako at napakagat sa ibabang labi ko. Ano naman ngayon kung wala siyang pakialam sa akin?

Naiinis na ginulo ko ang buhok ko. Tanginang ‘yan. Sana hindi na lang ako nanghingi ng advice kay Russ. Ayos na sana ‘yung wala akong idea kung ano ang nararamdaman ko. Mas ayos pa na hindi ko na lang alam kung ano ito.

Napabuga ako ng hangin at inilapag ang kumot sa couch. Agad akong tumayo at umalis. Nagmamadaling lumabas ako at nagtungo sa gate.

Pinahid ko ang pawis ko sa noo at napabuga ng hangin. Magaling naman akong umakyat ng puno no’ng bata ako… Kaya ko rin siguro ito.

Napalunok ako at agad na sumampa sa apakan ng gate. Kumapit ako sa pinaka taas na parte ng gate. Thankful na lang talaga ako na matangkad ako.

Dahan dahan kong inakyat iyon. Napalunok na lang ako habang pinagdadasal na sana hindi ako malaglag o matigok… o mapilayan na naman.

“You never fail to amaze me, Rhiatt.”

Natigilan ako nang marinig ko ang boses na iyon. Napalunok ako at dahan dahang lumingon sa likuran ko. Napakurap ako nang makitang nakatayo roon si Evron habang nakapamulsa.

Napapikit ako nang mariin saka kinagat nang mariin ang ibabang labi ko. Gusto kong magwala!

Lumapit siya sa akin. Humawak siya sa damit ko saka hinila ako paalis sa gate. Wala na akong choice at bumitiw na lang sa pagkakakapit ko.

Habang hawak niya pa rin ang damit ko, hinila niya ako papasok sa bahay niya. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Sinubukan kong alisin ang pagkakahawak niya sa damit ko.

“Tangina mo! Bitiwan mo ‘ko, gago!” asik ko habang pilit na inaalis ang mahigpit na paghawak niya sa damit ko.

Binitiwan niya lang ako nang nasa sala na kami. Naiinis na inayos ko ang damit ko.

I glared at him. “Gago ka! Bakit mo ‘ko hinihila?!” asik ko.

Evron crossed his arms and stared coldly at me. “Why the hell are you pretending to be drunk? You seem fine…” he said and looked at me from head to toe.

I cleared my throat. “T-totoong nawalan ako ng malay kanina. Nagising lang ako,” pagdadahilan ko na lang.

Evron’s eyes squinted. Lumapit siya sa akin. Nakipagtagisan siya ng tingin sa akin. Napamura na lang ako sa isip ko dahil naiilang ako sa presensya niya. His huge frame is overshadowing me. Hindi rin ako makatingin sa mukha niya.

This man is so damn handsome. I fucking hate it!

I honestly wanted to punch myself. Ayokong mag-isip ng mga ganitong bagay, pero hindi ko naman maiwasan.

I still don’t want to admit that I like him… Pero ayaw naman makisama ng sarili ko.

“What are you trying to hide, huh?” he asked in a cold tone. “You were hooking up with my cousin, right? Kaya siguro hindi ka makaharap sa akin…”

Napabuga ako ng hangin at napasabunot sa sarili kong buhok. “Pwede ba?! ‘Yong pinsan mo ang biglang kumandong sa’kin at humalik! Wala nga akong pakialam sa kaniya, e! Basta na lang lumapit sa’kin! Bakit ako ang ginugulo mo tungkol dito! ‘Yung pinsan mo ang tanungin mo!” asik ko.

Umigting ang panga ni Evron at pinaningkitan ako ng mga mata. “Okay… I’ll ask her.”

Natigilan ako nang may mapagtanto ako. Napalunok ako at agad na tumingin sa kaniya.

“H-hindi… Ako na lang pala ang tanungin mo,” bulong ko.

Tangina… Hindi niya pwedeng makausap si Yara. Baka madulas pa ang Yara na ‘yon at masabi kay Evron na may gusto ako sa kaniya.

Mas lalong naningkit ang mga mata ni Evron, tila pinaghihinalaan ako.

“What are you hiding?” he asked suspiciously.

“W-wala ‘yon, tanga! Ano ba?! ‘Wag mo na nga ako guluhin! Uuwi na ako! Palabasin mo na ‘ko!” naiinis na sabi ko na lang. “Wala ka na namang itatanong, ‘di ba?!”

“Don’t play with my cousin’s heart. If you hurt her, I will fucking end you,” he warned me.

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. “Hindi ko siya sasaktan dahil wala naman akong pakialam sa kaniya. Ano ba’ng tingin mo sa’kin, playboy?!” singhal ko.

Hindi na siya nagsalita pa at napailing na lang. Nauna na siyang lumabas at iniwan ako. Dali dali naman akong sumunod sa kaniya.

Pinagbuksan niya ako ng gate saka itinulak ako palabas. Muntik pa akong sumubsob sa kalsada.

“Tangina mo, ah!” singhal ko sa kaniya.

Hindi na siya nagsalita pa at pinagsarhan na lang ako ng gate. Naiinis na sinipa ko ang bato na malapit sa paanan ko.

“Tangina. May araw ka rin sa’kin,” bulong ko. “Argh! Bakit ba kasi gusto ko ‘yung ungas na ‘yon? Gano’n na ba ako kauhaw sa pagmamahal?”

“Pst! Hoy, Rhiatt!”

Napapitlag ako nang makarinig ng pamilyar na boses. Agad akong tumingin sa kaliwa ko. Natigilan ako nang lumabas mula sa pagkakatago sa poste si Yara. Nakangiting lumapit siya sa akin.

Napamura na lang ako sa isip ko. Tangina. Ang swerte ko naman!

“Huy, ano ‘yung eksena mo kanina? Nagulat ako sa’yo, ah,” natatawang sabi niya.

“Kung hindi dahil sa’yo, hindi ko gagawin ‘yon,” sabi ko na lang saka pilit na ngumiti sa kaniya.

Yara giggled and punched my arm lightly. “May gusto ka kay Kuya Evron, ‘di ba? Halata ka, e.”

Napahilamos na lang ako sa mukha ko. Sa lahat ng tao na pwedeng makaalam ng nararamdaman ko sa ungas na Evron na ‘yon… pinsan niya pa talaga!

Chapter Twenty-Three

“Ano ba’ng gusto mo?” I asked with my arms crossed. My eyes squinted as I stared at her.

Yara sat comfortably on my sofa and gave me a teasing smile.

“Don’t tell me you want me to be your boy toy or something? No! Sorry, I don’t like you that way,” agad na sabi ko habang umiiling.

Yara laughed. “Huy, baliw ka. Noong una lang kita type, ‘no. Saka hindi mo talaga ako gusto, kasi si Kuya Evron ang gusto mo,” tila nanunukso pang sabi niya.

Pilit na ngumiti ako. Pilit kong pinigilan ang sarili ko na ihagis siya palabas ng bahay ko.

“E, ano ba kasi ang gusto mo? Pera?” tanong ko.

Agad siyang umiling. “No, thanks. Malaki naman ang kinikita ko sa bar…”

“So, what do you want?” iritadong tanong ko. Napahawak ako sa noo ko at napabuga ng hangin. “Just… Just don’t tell Evron about it,” sabi ko sa mahinang boses.

Yara smiled at me. “Hmm… I just want you to make a move. Sundin mo lang ang mga gusto ko para magkalapit kayo ni Kuya Evron,” nakangiting sabi pa niya.

Agad akong umiling. “No way… Wala akong intensyon na makarelasyon siya o ano man. S-sabihin na nating gusto ko siya, pero hanggang doon lang iyon. Ayokong makarelasyon siya.”

She looked at me with her teasing eyes. “Sure ba? Hindi ka masasaktan kapag iba ang nakatuluyan niya?”

“Kung may makatuluyan man siyang iba, e ‘di good for him,” labas sa ilong na sabi ko.

Pero totoo naman kasi na wala akong balak makipagrelasyon kay Evron. Baka tuluyan ng atakihin sa puso si Mama kapag pati ako naging bakla.

“You don’t mean that, Rhiatt… Siyempre deep inside your heart, gusto mong magkatuluyan kayo. For sure nga, nagawa ka na ng fake scenarios niyo sa isip mo, e,” pang-aakusa niya.

I bit the insides of my cheeks. How did she even know that?!

Napabuga ako ng hangin at umupo sa tapat niya. “Alam mo, Yara… Wala talaga akong plano makipagrelasyon sa lalaki. Kahit na gusto niya rin ako, hindi ako papatol sa kaniya…”

Napanguso si Yara. “Edi okay. Ano pa bang magagawa ko?” bulong niya.

Nakahinga naman ako nang maluwag. Buti naman at naintindihan niya rin.

“Pero kailangan mo pa ring gawin ang mga gusto ko kung ayaw mong ibuking kita kay Kuya Evron,” painosenteng sabi niya saka ngumiti sa akin.

Napasabunot ako sa sarili kong buhok. “Tangina… Ano bang trip mo?!” hindi ko napigilang magtaas ng boses.

Nataas ang dugo ko sa babaeng ‘to!

Yara giggled. “Don’t worry. For one month lang. You just have to do everything that I will tell you for one month. Lahat ng ways para magkalapit kayo ni Kuya Evron… kailangan mo lang sundin. Hindi naman mahirap ‘yon, ‘di ba?”

My eyes widened. “One fucking month?! May sira ba ang ulo mo?!”

“Hindi naman araw-araw ‘yon, beh. May pahinga naman, ‘no. Mga twice or thrice a week lang naman… Saka ‘di ba, way ‘yon para magkalapit kayo. Isipin mo na lang na matchmaker niyo ako,” nakangiting sabi pa niya.

Parang gusto ko na lang siya ilibing para hindi na lumabas ang sikreto ko.

“Hindi rin naman mahirap ang mga ipapagawa ko sa’yo. Cutesy cutesy lang. Very nice, right?” tanong niya pa.

Napabuga ako ng hangin. “Mahal pa ng pinsan mo si Russ. Kilala mo ba ‘yon? Ex ni Evron ‘yon na pinsan ko rin…”

Tumango siya. “Oo, kilala ko si Kuya Russ… Mag ex sila. Kaso ang boring ng relasyon nila kasi parehas silang mabait at softie. Mas exciting kapag kayong dalawa ni Kuya Evron ang nagkatuluyan. Isang softie at isang baddie,” sabi niya saka itinuro ako.

Ano ba’ng pinagsasasabi ng baliw na ‘to?

“Alam mo, dapat tinutulungan mo na lang si Evron kay Russ. Mahal na mahal ni Evron ‘yon,” sabi ko na lang.

“Sus… Magseselos ka lang, e,” pang-aasar niya pa.

Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses akong nagbuntonghininga. Nakaka-stress ang babaeng ‘to. Parang nagdagdag ako ng Leander at Connor sa buhay ko.

Mukhang mas malala nga lang ang babaeng ‘to.

“One month… After one month, hindi mo na ako guguluhin at ibabaon mo sa hukay ang sikreto ko? Right?” paninigurado ko.

Ayoko sanang sakyan ang trip ng babaeng ‘to, kaso wala naman akong choice.

Lumaki ang ngiti ni Yara. “Yes! Natupad ako sa pangako! Kahit magpirmahan pa tayo ng kontrata ngayon, oh!”

“Oo na! Basta ‘yong usapan natin… Susundin mo. Isang buwan lang akong magtitiis.”

Tangina. Mukhang malaking pagkakamali ko yata ito.

ANG BIGAT NG katawan ko nang magising ako. Hindi sapat ang tulog ko dahil buong gabi akong gising kakaisip sa Yara na iyon… Kinakabahan ako at baka mawala siya sa sarili at masabi kay Evron ang sikreto ko.

In-add pa talaga ako ng babaeng ‘yon sa Facebook. Wala naman akong choice kundi i-accept.

Nag tanghalian na lang ako at naligo… Hindi rin naman nagtagal ang kapayapaan sa buhay ko dahil nakarinig ako ng doorbell… at pagsilip ko sa bintana… nakita ko si Yara na naghihintay sa labas ng bahay ko.

Napabuga ako ng hangin at lumabas na lang saka pinagbuksan siya.

“Ang aga mo naman,” bungad ko sa kaniya pagbukas ko ng gate.

Ngumiti siya sa akin saka lumapit. Yumakap siya sa braso ko. “Excited na ako sa mga adventures nating dalawa para magkalapit kayo ni Kuya Evron…” bulong niya saka humagikhik.

“Ikaw lang ang excited,” sarkastikong sabi ko na lang.

“Sus, kunwari pa ‘to… So, halika na!” sabi na lang niya saka itinuro ang bahay ni Evron.

Napakurap ako. “Bakit?”

“Pupunta tayo kay Kuya Evron… Go with the flow ka lang sa akin. Okay?” nakangising tanong niya.

Napailing ako at napahawak sa batok ko. “Hindi ko gusto ‘yang ganiyang plano mo.”

“Halika na! Wala ka namang choice!” sabi na lang niya saka hinila ako papunta sa tapat ng bahay ni Evron.

Agad niyang pinindot ang doorbell. Ilang saglit lang, lumabas naman si Evron at pinagbuksan kami. Napalunok na lang ako at naramdaman na parang nagpa-palpitate ako nang makita ko siya. Nakasuot siya ng itim na sando at puting sweat pants. Bungad na bungad sa amin ang matipunong mga braso niya.

Napamura na lang ako sa isip ko.

Tangina. Habang tumatagal mas lalo akong na-a-attract sa taong ‘to.

Sumpa ba talaga sa akin ito?

“Hello, Kuya Evron… Kasama ko ang new friend ko na si Rhiatt… But kilala niyo naman ang isa’t isa dahil neighbors kayo, ‘di ba?” nakangiting tanong niya.

Evron’s forehead creased. “So… what are you two doing here?”

“Wala naman… Gusto ko lang makabonding kayong dalawa… ‘Di ba? Mas okay na ‘to kaysa naman nasa bar ako?” tanong niya saka ngumiti nang matamis kay Evron.

“When did you even get close with Rhiatt?” tanong pa ni Evron kay Yara.

I bit the insides of my cheeks. Hearing him say my name made me palpitate even more. Putangina naman.

“Ikukwento ko habang nasa loob tayo. Ang init dito sa labas,” sabi na lang ni Yara at basta ako hinila papasok sa loob.

Wala na lang kaming nagawa pareho ni Evron.

“Alam mo ba, Kuya Evron… Nakilala ko lang kagabi si Rhiatt, pero nakita ko kaagad kung gaano siya kabuting tao,” sabi ni Yara saka umupo sa couch. Hinila niya rin ako paupo.

Kung maririnig lang nina Leander iyan, malamang humagalpak na ang mga iyon kakatawa.

Natigilan kaming pareho ni Yara nang marahang natawa si Evron. Napakurap pa ako at gulat na tumingin sa kaniya…

“Si Rhiatt? Mabuting tao? You’ve got to be kidding me,” he said… still chuckling.

Napalunok ako at napatitig sa kaniya. Alam kong insulto iyon kaya siya natawa ngayon, pero hindi ko maiwasang madistract sa tawa niya.

“Totoo nga! Imagine, Kuya… Kumandong na ako sa kaniya at hinalikan siya, pero pinili niya pa rin maging gentleman at tinanggihan niya ako!”

Napasapo ako sa noo ko. Komportable ba talaga siya ikwento ang ganiyang bagay kay Evron?

Evron sighed and nodded. “Okay, if you say so…”

Umalis si Evron at nagtungo sa kusina. Agad akong tinulak ni Yara paalis ng couch.

“Sundan mo si Kuya. For sure maghahanda ng inumin ‘yon… Offer some help,” nakangising sabi niya.

Napamura na lang ako sa isip ko at tumayo. Kahit na ang bigat ng mga hakbang ko, sumunod na lang ako kay Evron sa kusina.

Naabutan ko siya na naghahanda ng juice at sandwich. Napakagat ako nang mariin sa ibabang labi ko at lumapit sa kaniya.

“Tulungan na kita,” sabi ko na lang. Pinilit kong magkunwaring chill!

“You don’t have to. Samahan mo si Yara doon,” sabi niya na lang.

Natigilan ako nang maramdaman ang presensya ni Yara sa likuran ko. Napasinghap ako nang tinuhod niya ang likod ng tuhod ko saka agad na umalis.

Nawalan naman ako ng balanse at akmang matutumba… pero agad na humawak si Evron sa baywang ko.

Nanginig ang mga tuhod ko. Mas lalong lumala ang pagpa-palpitate ko… Parang sasabog na ang puso ko.

He looked at me with concern in his eyes. I felt like my whole body was melting. Hindi ko maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko.

“Are you okay?” Evron asked in a worried tone while staring at me.

“I-I’m okay…” nauutal na sagot ko.

Ngayon ko lang yata nagawang titigan ang mukha niya ng ganito katagal.

Guwapo talaga si Evron. Makapal ang kilay niya. Maputi at makinis ang balat niya. Matangos ang ilong. Mahaba ang pilikmata… Maganda rin ang labi niya. Nakikita ko sa kaniya si Eric Fructuoso noong kabataan nito, noong 90s. Matangkad at matipuno lang ang katawan ni Evron.

“Ahm… H-hoy… B-bakit ang tagal mong nakatingin?” kandautal na tanong ko.

Nanginginig ang mga kamay na inalis ko ang pagkakahawak niya sa baywang ko.

Napabuga ng hangin si Evron. He stroked his hair using his fingers.

“I’m sorry… It’s just you look like Russ,” sabi niya sa mahinang boses.

Napaiwas ako ng tingin at napahalukipkip. Nararamdaman ko na naman ang pakiramdam na iyon…

Na parang sumisikip ang dibdib ko.

Chapter Twenty-Four

It’s just eight words from him… It was enough to ruin my whole day.

He was staring at me… only because I look like Russ.

Siguro kung magkakagusto man siya sa akin sa future, dahil lang iyon sa kamukha ko si Russ.

Tangina. Ganito pala ang pakiramdam na magselos. Hindi ko alam kung nakaramdam na ba ako ng ganito noon… Pakiramdam ko nga hindi pa, e. Dahil parang bagong bago sa akin ang pakiramdam.

Lumapit sa akin si Yara at bumulong. “Sorry,” bulong niya. She looked at me apologetically. Mukhang narinig niya rin ang sinabing iyon ni Evron.

“Why the fuck are you saying sorry?” iritadong tanong ko na lang.

Agad akong umalis ng kusina at bumalik sa living room. Gusto ko ng umalis sa totoo lang… Pakiramdam ko nawala na ako sa mood.

Bumalik sina Yara at Evron na may dalang juice at sandwich. Umupo si Yara sa tabi ko saka inabutan ako ng juice. Umupo naman si Evron sa single sofa at kumagat sa sandwich.

“Bakit bigla kayong nagpunta rito?” tanong pa niya.

Ngumiti si Yara. “Wala naman, Kuya Evron… Ano lang… Baka may maitulong ko sa problema ng kaibigan namin ni Rhiatt,” sabi niya saka pasimpleng tumingin sa akin saka kumindat.

Tangina. Ano na naman ba’ng pakulo ng babaeng ‘to?

Evron raised his eyebrow. “Kaibigan niyo? Kagabi lang kayo nagkakilala, ‘di ba?” he asked suspiciously.

Tumango si Yara. “Basta, may common friend kasi kami na guy… So ito nga… Kasi ‘yung common friend namin na ‘yon, ano siya… Paano ko ba i-e-explain?” tanong ni Yara saka humawak sa baba niya. “May pagka-hater siya ng mga bading—”

“Ah, so he’s homophobic?” Evron asked in a cold tone.

Napangiwi si Yara. “Well, parang gano’n… Tapos ito, parang feeling niya nagkakagusto siya sa isang lalaki. Kaso ayaw niyang i-acknowledge ang feelings niya kasi nga matibay ang paninindigan niya na straight siya. E, kaso parang medyo malalim na ang feelings niya kay guy… Kung ikaw ‘yung gusto ng common friend namin, may chance ba siya sa’yo?” tanong ni Yara.

Tangina. Ayos din ang babaeng ‘to, ah. Tanga na lang ang hindi makakahalata kung sino ang tinutukoy niya!

Agad na lumapit sa akin si Yara saka bumulong. “‘Wag kang mag-alala… May pagka-slow ‘yan si Kuya Evron… Mahina siya sa academics nu’ng nag-aaral pa siya.”

Hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong makampante sa pinagsasasabi nitong si Yara.

Tumingin ako kay Evron. Mukhang napapaisip talaga siya. Tangina. Mukhang totoo nga ang sinabi ni Yara na slow siya.

“Wala siyang chance sa akin dahil hindi ko naman siya kilala,” sabi ni Evron. Nakakunot pa ang noo niya.

Hindi ko alam kung maiinis ba ako o matatawa sa sagot niya… May point naman siya. Bakit naman siya papatol sa hindi niya kilala?

“But what if ano… Gwapo siya, tapos mabait naman minsan… Tapos sikat na tao. Tapos mabango… Ano? Hindi ka pa rin interesado?” tanong pa ni Yara.

Umiling si Evron. “I’m not interested in anyone… aside from Russ.”

Napairap si Yara. “Alam mo, Kuya. Sumuko ka na kay Kuya Russ. Mukhang decided talaga siya makatanggap ng validation from his parents. Suggestion ko sa’yo, maghanap ka na lang ng iba… Or pwede sa kamukha ni Kuya Russ,” makahulugang sabi ni Yara.

Naiinis na siniko ko tagiliran niya. Tangina talaga ng babae na ‘to. Masyadong halata!

Napakunot ang noo ni Evron. “Hindi ako interesado kahit kamukha ni Russ…”

Napanguso si Yara. “Hay naku. You’re wasting your time waiting for someone na hindi ka naman na bibigyan ng chance…”

“Did you just visit me for your unsolicited advice?” Evron asked… he seemed a little irritated.

Napabuga na lang ako ng hangin. Ang plano niya ba ay painitin ang ulo ni Evron?!

Napanguso si Yara. “Okay, sorry…” Tumikhim siya. “Uhm, by the way, Kuya… ‘Di ba may parang mini bar ka rito? Mini bar ba ‘yon? ‘Yung lagayan mo ng stocks ng wine at food? Airconditioned pa iyon, ‘di ba?” nakangiting tanong ni Yara.

Natigilan si Evron saka tumango. “Yes… Why did you ask?”

Lumaki ang ngiti sa mga labi ni Yara. “Pwede doon tayo? Gusto ko lang makita… Saka marami akong gusto hingiin na wine. Pwede?” tanong niya.

“My wines are expensive… and you want me to just give it to you?” masungit na tanong ni Evron.

Napanguso si Yara. “Damot naman nito, dini-display mo lang naman… Oh, sige, hindi na ako hihingi. Gusto ko lang makita… Tambay muna tayo roon. Interested ako sa mga wine mo roon…”

Umiling si Evron. “No… Baka mabasag mo pa.”

Tumayo si Yara at lumapit kay Evron. “Sige na! Minsan lang ako mag-request sa’yo bilang pinsan mo!” pagmamaktol niya.

Napabuntonghininga si Evron. Wala ring nagawa at pumayag sa gusto ni Yara.

Tumingin ako kay Yara na nakakapit sa braso ko habang papunta kami sa kung saan mang wine room na tinutukoy nitong babae na ‘to.

Naningkit ang mga mata ko habang nakatingin kay Yara. Nakangisi lang siya habang diretso ang tingin… Bakit parang hindi ko gusto ang tumatakbo sa utak ng babaeng ‘to?

Nakarating na kami sa wine room na tinutukoy ni Yara. Hindi ganoon kalaki ang silid, pero maluwag luwag naman ang espasyo at totoong may aircon nga rito… Mukhang dito rin inii-stock ni Evron ang mga pagkain. May mga tubig din for water dispenser. May couch at tv rin. Wala pang bintana. Hindi ko alam kung mamamangha ba ako o matatawa sa trip na ‘to ni Evron. Hindi ko alam na mahilig siya mangolekta ng mamahaling mga wine. Mukhang hindi niya rin naman iniinom ang mga ito.

“Don’t touch anything. Kapag may nabasag sa mga iyan kahit isa, sisingilin ko kayo,” pagbabanta niya pa.

Hindi na lang ako kumibo at tahimik na nililibot ng tingin ang silid.

Natigilan ako nang mapansin na parang hindi nag-iingay si Yara. Agad ko siyang nilingon sa tabi ko… Natigilan ako nang mapansing wala na siya sa tabi ko.

Pero ang mas nagpagulat sa akin ay ang tunog ng pagsara ng pinto. Napaawang ang mga labi ko sa gulat. Agad na lumapit si Evron sa pinto at sinubukang buksan iyon… pero mukhang naka-lock iyon.

Agad na nanginig ang mga kamay ko. Napalunok ako at tumingin sa kabuuan ng silid… Medyo maliit ang silid na ito. Mahina rin ang ilaw… kaya hindi ganoon kaliwanag sa silid.

Namumuo ang mga pawi sa noo at batok ko. Napapikit ako nang mariin at napahawak sa dibdib ko.

Noong nakulong kami ni Evron sa gym niya… kinaya ko iyon dahil malaki at malawak ang lugar… pero dito. Hindi ko kaya.

Takot ako sa ganito. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nagkaroon ako ng takot sa ganito. Ayoko ng pakiramdam na parang nakukulong ako sa maliit at masikip na lugar… Bata pa lang ganito na ako… at hindi ko na maalala ang dahilan kung bakit nagkaroon ako ng matinding takot sa ganito.

Huling nangyari ito noong pinagtripan ako at ikinulong ng teammates ko sa cleaning room noong nakatulog ako… Hindi naman nagtagal ng isang minuto na kinulong nila ako… pero hindi na nila inulit iyon dahil sa naging reaksyon ko.

“Yara! Open the door! Hindi nakakatuwa ang ginagawa mo!” asik ni Evron habang hinahampas ang pinto… pero mukhang wala na si Yara.

Nanghihinang napaupo ako sa sahig habang mabilis ang paghinga. Nakahawak ako nang mahigpit sa damit ko… Nanginginig ang buong katawan ko sa takot.

Natigilan si Evron nang mapansin na natahimik ako. Lumingon siya sa akin.

“Rhiatt…” Lumapit siya sa akin at lumuhod sa harapan ko. Humawak siya sa mga braso ko. “Rhiatt… Are you alright?” nag-aalalang tanong niya.

Hindi ko masagot ang tanong niya dahil nahihirapan pa rin akong huminga. Nararamdaman ko na lang na kusang nagtatakasan ang mga luha sa mga mata ko… Ayokong makita niya ako na ganito… Pero nananaig ang takot sa akin.

“Rhiatt! Look at me…” Humawak siya sa magkabilang pisngi ko at pinaharap ako sa kaniya.

Hindi ko siya maaninag dahil sa mga luha sa mga mata ko.

Naramdaman ko na lang na binuhat niya ako nang walang kahirap hirap. Iniupo niya ako sa couch. Agad naman siyang umupo sa tabi ko. Humawak siya sa kamay ko… Marahan niyang hinahaplos iyon.

“Rhiatt, I’m here… I’m here,” he said in a soothing voice. He gently caressed my back.

Chapter Twenty-Five

I was still sobbing… but the shaking lessened. Evron was still sitting beside me… caressing my back and holding my hand.

Nang mapansin niyang kumalma na ako. Agad siyang tumayo. Napalunok ako at humawak sa kamay niya. Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya.

“W-where are you going?” I asked in a weak tone.

Evron sat beside me again. “I’ll just get water for you…” he answered in a soft tone.

Umiling ako. “D-don’t leave me alone…”

“I’m just here… Kasama mo ako,” anas niya saka humawak sa kamay ko.

Muli siyang tumayo at kumuha ng bottled water. Napalunok ako at tumingin sa paligid. Naramdaman kong nanginginig na naman ang katawan ko… Muling namuo ang luha sa mga mata ko.

This small room is killing me. The thought that I’m locked up here makes me want to throw up.

Agad na umupo si Evron sa tabi ko at pinainom ako ng tubig. Humawak ako sa kamay niya na nakahawak sa bottled water at uminom nang kaunti. Pagkatapos sinara niya rin iyon at inilapag sa sahig.

“You’re still shaking,” sabi ni Evron habang nakahawak sa kamay ko.

“I-I want to get out of here, Evron…” nanginginig na sabi ko.

Evron nodded. “Yes, we’ll get out of here. I will call Yara. I have my phone with me,” he said and showed me his phone.

Agad niyang tinawagan si Yara. Pero hindi sinasagot ni Yara ang tawag nito… Napabuntonghininga siya at nagtipa na lang ng message kay Yara… Kinakatakot ko lang na baka hindi buksan ni Yara ang message niya.

“M-may iba ka bang kakilala na pwede tawagan?” tanong ko.

“Hindi nasagot si Mama… Pero nag-iwan ako ng message sa kaniya,” Evron answered in a soft tone.

Napalunok ako at tumango. Nanginginig ang mga kamay na yumakap ako sa sarili ko.

“Nilalamig ka? You want me to turn off the AC?” he asked me.

Umiling ako. “H-hindi… N-natatakot lang ako,” bulong ko. Muli akong suminghot.

Ayokong makita ng ibang tao ang ganitong side ko… Sina Mama pa lang ang nakakita sa akin na nagkaganito… at ang teammates ko. Pero nangako sila sa akin na ibabaon nila sa hukay nila ang sikreto ko na ito.

Napatungo ako at napapikit nang mariin. Pilit kong pinapakalma ang sarili ko at pilit kong sinasabi sa isip ko na kalimutan na nakakulong kami ngayon… pero nananaig ang takot sa akin kahit ano’ng gawin ko.

“Rhiatt… You’re breathing fast again,” Evron muttered. He caressed my back. “Try to breathe slowly. Sumabay ka sa’kin,” sabi niya sa kalmadong boses. “Breathe in… breathe out.”

Nakatingin lang ako sa kaniya habang pilit na sinasabayan ang mabagal niyang paghinga. Pumikit ako nang mariin at napalunok. Pilit kong kinakaya na huminga nang mabagal.

“Okay, good… You’re doing good. Don’t be scared, okay? I’m here. I won’t leave you here… You don’t have to be scared because I’m here,” he assured me.

I licked my lower lip and nodded. The fact that he’s here with me lessened the fear in my heart. Kung ako lang dito mag-isa ay baka hindi ko kayanin.

Humawak si Evron sa braso ko at pinahiga ako sa couch. Umupo naman siya sa sahig, sa tabi ko. He looked at me and held my hand. Siguro alam niya na kumakalma ako kapag hawak niya ang kamay ko.

“I’m just here…” he muttered. “You can sleep while we’re waiting for someone to help us.”

Napalunok ako. Hindi ko alam kung magagawa kong makatulog sa sitwasyon na ito.

---

“Palabasin niyo na po ako! Please po!” Paulit ulit kong kinakatok ang nakasarang pinto. Nagdurugo na ang maliit kong mga kamay.

Hindi ako tumitig sa pag-iyak… umaasa na pagbubuksan nila ako ng pinto.

Hanggang sa manghina ako… hanggang sa mawalan ako ng malay… walang nagbubukas ng pinto sa akin.

“Rhiatt… Rhiatt!”

Napabalikwas ako ng bangon nang magising ako. Nakahawak ako sa dibdib ko habang mabilis ang paghinga ko. Naramdaman kong nagtatakasan ang mga luha mula sa mga mata ko.

Agad na tumabi sa akin si Evron. Humawak siya sa magkabilang braso ko at tumingin sa akin.

Hinaplos niya ang likod ko. “Don’t worry… It’s just a bad dream… I’m here.”

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sumapi sa akin… Siguro dala na rin ng matinding takot… Lumapit ako kay Evron at yumakap. Nanginginig pa rin ang katawan ko.

Inaasahan ko na itutulak niya ako… pero yumakap siya sa akin pabalik. Humawak siya sa baywang ko at hinila niya ako palapit sa kaniya. Sinubsob ko ang mukha sa leeg niya habang patuloy pa ring lumuluha.

“Shh… Don’t be scared. I’m here…” bulong niya habang hinahaplos ang likod ko.

Paulit ulit niyang hinaplos ang likod ko hanggang sa kumalma ako. Na-realize ko na lang na unti unti akong kumakalma.

I appreciate him for not asking things. Hindi niya tinatanong kung bakit ako nagkakaganito… He was just trying his best to comfort me.

“Your hands are cold…” sabi niya habang nakahawak sa kamay ko.

Tumayo siya. Pero agad akong humawak sa kamay niya. “Evron…” I called his name, telling him not to leave me.

“I’ll just turn the AC off… Nilalamig ka,” he said in a soft tone.

Kinuha niya ang remote ng aircon at pinatay iyon. Lumapit siya ulit sa akin. He removed his shirt. Ginawa niyang kumot sa katawan ko ang shirt niya.

Natigilan ako nang buhatin niya ako saka iniupo sa kandungan niya. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa ginawa niya… Yumakap siya sa akin. Tila pilit niyang binabawasan ang lamig na nararamdaman ko.

“E-Evron… You don’t have to do this.”

“Shh… It’s okay. Maya maya may tutulong na sa atin para makalabas…” sabi niya saka hinaplos ang likod ko.

I was bothered. Baka nabibigatan siya sa akin. I’m not small at all. Hindi ako kasing liit ni Russ. I’m a fucking six-footer.

Ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Hindi ko alam kung dahil pa ba ito sa takot. Hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman ko… I’m literally sitting on his lap… like it’s nothing!

He looked at me. “Your face is turning… red. Are you alright?” nag-aalalang tanong niya.

“H-huh?” nauutal na tanong ko.

Tumitig siya sa mukha ko, tila sinusuri niya kung ayos lang ako. Pigil na pigil ang paghinga ko. Pakiramdam ko para akong bomba na sasabog anumang oras. I’m palpitating so hard.

He stared at me. Natigilan ako at napatitig din sa kaniya… Magkalapit ang mga mukha namin… Pakiramdam ko kaunting lapit pa… magkadikit na ang mga ilong namin.

He was staring intently at me. Hindi ko alam ang tumatakbo sa isip niya. Naramdaman kong bumibigat ang paghinga niya habang nakatitig sa akin… Bumaba ang tingin niya sa labi ko.

Humigpit ang hawak niya sa baywang ko. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang mabigat niyang paghinga. Napalunok ako nang marahan niyang idikit ang ilong sa akin.

“B-baliw ka… A-ano’ng ginagawa mo?” nagkakandautal na tanong ko.

Fucking wake up, Rhiatt! He thinks you’re Russ! You only look like Russ!

Paulit ulit sinisigaw ng isip ko na umalis at lumayo sa kaniya… Pero hindi ako makagalaw. I wanted this moment to prove that I’m straight, and that I don’t like him by moving my ass and staying away from him… But I can’t move my body… like a fucking fool.

I could smell his breath. Our lips were centimeters apart… I wanted to punch myself to wake myself up from this fantasy… But I just can’t move my body at all…

“Why is a straight guy like you looking at me like that?” he whispered. “As if you’re dying to be kissed… Huh, Rhiatt?”

I gulped when his lips gently brushed against mine. It was so subtle that it felt like nothing at all. And it made me crave for more.

Damn! I wanted to kiss him so bad.

---


Evron and Rhiatt on this chapter ^^ wuhoo! i can finally share this!!

• art work by Uji

Chapter Twenty-Six

I know I should fucking push him!

But I just can’t move my body at all.

Magdidikit na ang mga labi namin kahit sa kaunting galaw na magagawa ng isa sa amin. I could smell his minty breath… I never thought I’d ever think that a man’s breath smells good.

Fuck. Why is this happening to me?

What did I even do to deserve this?

Pakiramdam ko nanunuyo nang maigi ang lalamunan ko. I felt thirsty… but I knew this was not thirst for water, but for something more. His hot breath sent shivers down my spine. Was this a feeling that I’ve already felt in the past? Because this was something new to me.

Natigilan ako at tila nagising nang siya mismo ang maglayo ng sarili niya sa akin. Napalunok ako at napaiwas ng tingin. Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko sa hindi ko malamang dahilan.

Humugot ako ng lakas ng loob sa kung saan para tumingin kay Evron. He was looking at me too.

I forced a laugh. “W-well… T-that can’t be helped. I-it seems like I really look like Russ… a lot,” I muttered and forced a chuckle.

There’s no way he’ll like me anyway. Kung may maramdaman siya sa akin kahit kaunti… dahil lang siguro iyon sa kamukha ko si Russ.

“Uhm… Do you want something to eat?” he asked.

I didn’t answer. Marahan niya akong inialis sa kandungan niya at pinaupong muli sa couch. Agad siyang tumayo… pero hindi naman siya umalis.

Nagtatakang tumingin ako sa kaniya. He looked down at me and bit his lower lip… as if he wanted to say something.

“I was teasing you… I’m sorry for doing that,” he muttered.

I gulped. “H-huh… What are you apologizing for? It didn’t affect me at all,” I said… as if I was trying to convince myself and not him.

Yeah, for him it would be fun to tease someone like me… Kung noon siguro… But things are different now… because I fucking like him.

Natigilan kaming pareho nang bumukas ang pinto. Bumungad sa amin si Yara na namumutla ang mukha. Napaawang ang mga labi niya.

Agad akong tumayo. Tumingin ako kay Evron. Kitang kita ko kung paano umigting ang panga niya habang nakatingin nang masama sa pinsan.

Mabibigat ang hakbang ni Evron habang naglalakad palapit kay Yara. Napalunok si Yara at napaatras. Hindi ko alam kung bakit… pero agad akong lumabas at lumapit kay Evron… dahil mukha siyang galit na galit.

“Nag-iisip ka ba, Yara?!” singhal niya.

Napapitlag si Yara. Kahit ako ay nagulat. Napalunok ako at marahang napaatras… akmang hahawakan ko ang braso niya, pero napaatras ako.

“Ilugar mo ‘yang mga kalokohan mo! Wala ka bang utak?! Puro alak ba ang laman niyan?!” asik niya pa. “Tanga ka ba?!”

Yara’s eyes glistened… as if she was about to cry. Namumula na ang mga mata at ilong niya.

“S-sorry, Kuya… H-hindi na mauulit…” Tuluyang napahikbi si Yara.

Napabuga ako ng hangin. Kahit nainis ako sa ginawa niya… hindi ko mapigilang maawa sa kaniya.

“Gamitin mo ‘yang utak mo! Sa susunod na mangyari ‘to, ititigil mo ‘yang putanginang bar mo! Naiintindihan mo?!” sigaw ni Evron.

Nagtakasan ang mga luha sa mga mata ni Yara saka natatakot na tumango.

Humawak ako sa damit ni Evron. Natigilan siya at tumingin sa akin.

“‘Wag mo na siya pagalitan. Hindi naman niya ginusto ang nangyari…” sabi ko na lang.

Sa totoo lang medyo natatakot ako sa kaniya. Ngayon ko lang siya nakita magalit ng ganito. I always see Evron as someone with really, really huge patience. Pero mukhang masama pala talaga siyang magalit.

Huminga nang malalim si Evron, tila pilit na pinakakalma ang sarili.

“Umalis ka muna… Ayaw muna kitang makita,” malamig na sabi niya sa pinsan.

Napalunok si Yara at tumango. Umiiyak siyang umalis ng bahay ni Evron. Napabuga ako ng hangin at hinabol siya ng tingin. Naawa naman ako sa kaniya. Alam kong hindi niya naman gagawin ang ganoong kalokohan kung alam niyang may phobia ako sa ganoon. Yara didn’t mean for that to happen. But yes, she’s still careless… Pero hindi naman ako nagagalit sa kaniya. Kakausapin ko na lang siya kapag okay na ako.

Napatigil ako sa malalim na pag-iisip nag humawak si Evron sa braso ko. Natigilan ako at tumingin sa kaniya. He looked at me. His eyes were full of worry.

“Are you okay now?” he asked in a soft tone.

I nodded. “Okay na ako,” sabi ko na lang saka tumikhim.

Napabuntonghininga siya saka lumapit sa akin. Napakurap ako saka nagtatakang tumingin sa kaniya.

Pinilit kong tumingin sa mukha niya dahil tangina… Wala nga pala siyang damit pang itaas… Ewan ko kung paano nagawang seryosohin ni Yara ang penenermon niya kanina.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang walang pakundangan niya akong binuhat na parang sako.

Tangina! One of these days, talagang papatayin ko na ang taong ‘to!

“Gago! Tangina! Siraulo ka ba?!” asik ko habang pilit na nagpupumiglas.

Dinala niya ako sa couch niya saka iniupo roon. Umupo siya sa center table at seryosong tumitig sa akin.

“I’m sorry about Yara…” anas niya habang nakatitig sa akin.

Napaiwas ako ng tingin at tumikhim. “W-walang kaso sa akin ‘yon. Tapos na. Mukha namang nagsisi na siya sa ginawa niya,” bulong ko na lang habang panay ang iwas ng tingin sa kaniya.

Tangina naman kasi! Nadi-distract ako sa pagmumukha niya. Bakit ba kasi nakatitig siya sa akin?!

Nagpa-palpitate na naman ako. Nararamdaman kong nag-iinit ang mukha ko… pero alam kong hindi iyon dahil sa galit.

Ah. Bakit ba sa akin pa nangyari ‘to?

Humawak si Evron sa magkabilang balikat ko. “Are you sure you’re okay?” tanong niya.

Naiinis na inalis ko ang pagkakahawak niya sa akin. “Oo nga! Tanginang kulit mo naman! Ayan nga nagmumura na ‘ko ulit, oh!”

Evron was taken aback… Then he started chuckling. “Yeah, you seem pretty okay now.”

Napahalukipkip ako at napaiwas ng tingin sa kaniya. Sana lang hindi ko muna siya makita sa mga susunod na araw dahil para akong masisiraan ng bait kapag nakikita ko siya.

“U-uuwi na ako… Wala ng dahilan para mag-stay ako rito,” sabi ko na lang habang pilit pa rin siyang hindi tinitingnan.

“Stay here until you’re okay… It’s my cousin who did that to you. I have to take responsibility.”

I sighed and bit the insides of my cheeks. His words just pissed me off. He wasn’t concerned after all. He just did that because he felt like he was
responsible
for what happened to me.

“Why do you have to take responsibility? Ikaw ba ang nagkulong sa atin doon? Hindi naman, ‘di ba?” iritadong tanong ko.

Fuck. I hate this shit.

Evron sighed and held my shoulders. “Okay, it was just an excuse. I was really worried about you. You seemed so scared earlier.”

Napakagat ako nang mariin sa ibabang labi ko. It was the side of me that I never wanted anyone to see. Lalo na ni Evron. I never wanted to seem weak…

I don’t even know why I’m fucking scared. I was just scared. My body just reacts every time I’m in that situation. I consulted a psychiatrist for this… And she said I might have had a traumatic experience when I was a child that my mind had forgotten.

What kind of bullshit was that? My childhood was perfect and happy.

Naiinis na tumayo na lang ako at inihagis sa kaniya ang damit niya. Agad ding tumayo si Evron at mabilis na sinuot ang damit niya.

“Uuwi na ako. Salamat sa lahat,” iritadong sabi ko.

Agad akong naglakad palabas ng bahay niya… Nang makalabas ako, natigilan ako nang sumunod sa akin si Evron at humawak sa braso ko. Napalingon ako sa kaniya… pero agad din akong natigilan nang muli niya akong buhatin.

Putangina naman!

“Gago ka ba?! Tangina mo!” sigaw ko habang pilit na nagpupumiglas.

Binuksan niya ang gate ng bahay niya saka lumabas habang buhat pa rin ako. Napalunok ako at agad na tumingin sa paligid kung may nakakakita ba sa amin… Buti na lang at gabi na!

Dumiretso kami sa tapat ng gate ng bahay ko. Natigilan na lang kaming pareho nang marinig na bumukas ang gate.

Naramdaman kong napapitlag si Evron. Hindi ko makita ang nangyayari dahil sa pagakakabuhat sa akin ng ungas na ‘to.

“W-what the hell?”

Napamura ako sa isip ko nang marinig ang boses ni Connor. Agad akong nagpumiglas. Ibinaba naman ako ni Evron. Agad kong inayos ang damit ko at napatingin kina Connor at Leander na nakaawang ang mga labi habang nakatingin sa amin ni Evron.

Tangina… Bakit ba kasi basta na lang sila pumapasok ng bahay ko?!

“A-ano’ng meron?” tanong ni Leander saka napakurap. “B-bakit binuhat ka nito?” tanong niya saka itinuro si Evron.

Ah, tangina talaga!

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Hindi ko alam ang gagawin… kaya sinipa ko na lang sa pwet si Evron. Nanlaki ang mga mata niya at gulat na tumingin sa akin.

“W-why did you—”

Agad kong pinutol ang sasabihin niya. “Alis na! Nauurat ako sa mukha mo!” asik ko.

Evron nodded. “Okay… But are you really oka–”

“Oo nga! Paulit-ulit! Oo nga sabi!” iritadong sabi ko.

Agad kong itinulak sina Connor at Leander para makadaan ako. Pumasok na ako sa loob saka agad na sinara ang gate. Agad akong pumasok ng bahay. Sumunod naman sina Leander at Connor sa akin.

“Bro, ano ‘yon? Bakit buhat ka ni Evron kanina?” pang-uusisa ni Connor.

“Nadulas lang ako tapos tinulungan niya ako…” pagdadahilan ko na lang.

“Bakit ka nasa bahay niya?” tanong naman ni Leander. “Doon ka galing, ‘di ba? Sa bahay niya? Close na kayo?”

Naiinis na ginulo ko ang buhok ko. Gusto ko na lang sila tadyakan paalis ng bahay ko. Daig ko pa kriminal na inuusisa ng mga pulis, e!

“Ang close ko ‘yung pinsan ni Evron… ‘Yung babae na lumapit sa akin sa bar last night, tanda niyo? Pinsan ni Evron iyon,” pagdadahilan ko na lang. “Niyakag niya ako kina Evron.”

Napatango si Connor. “So, parang may something kayo ng pinsan ni Evron? Kaya ka nandoon?”

“Wala kaming
something
ng pinsan ni Evron. Kaibigan ko lang,” sabi ko na lang saka umupo sa couch. Tumabi naman sa magkabilang gilid ko ang dalawang ungas na ‘to.

“Weh? E, hinila ka nga niya sa kung saan. Imposibleng kaibigan lang. Ano ‘yan naka-premium?” pang-uusisa pa ni Connor.

“Kaibigan nga lang. Tanginang kakulit mo naman… Wala ako sa mood mag girlfriend,” bulong ko.

Paano naman ako magkakagirlfriend, e, may gusto ako sa Evron na iyon?!

“Ayaw mo ng girlfriend? Bakit?” tanong ni Leander.

Napabuga ako ng hangin at tumingin sa kanilang dalawa. Nakatitig lang sila sa akin, abang na abang sa sasabihin ko. Daig ko pa ang artista sa dalawang ‘to.

“Ayaw ko, e. Kailangan ba may dahilan?” sarkastikong tanong ko.

“Hindi naman… Nakakagulat lang kasi, bro. Parang hindi na ikaw ang Rhiatt na kilala namin,” Leander said. His eyes squinted while staring at me.

Binatukan ko silang pareho. Muntik pa silang napasubsob sa sahig.

“Ewan ko sa inyo! Umalis nga kayo ng pamamahay ko bago magdilim ang paningin ko!” asik ko.

Matapos kong paalisin sina Leander at Connor, nagtungo na ako sa kuwarto ko. Agad akong nag-shower at nagpalit ng komportableng damit.

Umupo ako sa kama ko habang nagpupunas ng buhok ko. Napabuga ako ng hangin habang nakatitig sa sahig… Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala sa mga nangyari ngayong araw. Pakiramdam ko masyadong maraming nangyari ngayong araw.

Napabuga ako ng hangin at napatingin sa pinto ng kuwarto ko… Napapikit ako nang mariin at napailing. Pilit kong inaalis sa isip ko ang takot.

Napapitlag ako nang tumunog ang cellphone ko. Agad ko ‘yong kinuha at tiningnan. Napakunot ang noo ko nang mapansing nag-text si Evron sa akin.

Ungas: Hi, Rhiatt. I hope you’re doing fine.

I sighed. I don’t want to reply… but I just can’t resist him.

Okay nga lang ako!

Agad din siyang nag-reply.

Ungas: If you need help with anything, just text me. Okay?

Me: Bakit ko naman kakailanganin ng tulong mo?!

Ungas: Just in case…

Me: Okay. Matutulog na ako. Wag ka na magreply!

Okay. I honestly wanted to talk to him more… Tangina.

Ungas: Haha… Okay.

Me: Makipagbati ka na kay Yara bukas.

Saglit na natigilan si Evron at hindi kaagad nagreply. Siguro nag-iisip siya ng sasabihin.

Ungas: I just want her to learn her lesson. Hindi ko pa siya napagalitan ng ganiyan noon.

Me: I know… But for sure she nakonsensya na rin siya sa ginawa niya.

Ungas: Are you sure you’re not in a relationship with my cousin?

Me: HINDI NGA!

Evron sent a laughing emoji.

Ungas: Hahaha! Okay, okay. Magpahinga ka na.

Napakagat ako nang mariin sa ibabang labi ko. Humiga ako sa kama at napatitig sa kisame. Hindi na ako nagreply pa sa kaniya.

Humawak ako sa noo ko at napabuga ng hangin.

Damn. I’m starting to hate Yara. Dahil sa ginawa niya… mas lalong lumala ang nararamdaman ko sa Evron na iyon.

Napapikit ako nang mariin.

No, Rhiatt… He only sees Russ in you.

Napangiwi ako at napahawak sa dibdib ko nang maramdaman kong tila sumisikip na naman iyon. Noon, tuwing naiisip ko na kamukha ko si Russ, naiinis ako… Pero ngayon, iba ang nararamdaman ko… Masakit sa dibdib.

I noticed that Evron’s starting to look at me differently… He was looking at me with concerned and tender eyes… As if he was looking at Russ.

It was because I looked like my cousin… Right?

It was impossible for him to like me… It was just all because I look like Russ.

I should do something about this.

---

“It was unusual of you to invite me here, Rhiatt,” sabi ni Russ habang nakangiti sa akin.

Umismid ako. “Sobra ang pagkaing niluto ko. Walang kakain. Hindi ko naman mauubos ‘yan,” pagdadahilan ko na lang.

Mukhang na-touch si Russ sa katotohanang inimbita ko siya sa bahay dahil kanina pa siya nakangiti. Medyo nakonsensya naman ako… dahil may dahilan ako kaya ko siya inimbita rito.

Tumikhim ako saka pasimpleng tumitingin sa kaniya. “Wait… Labas lang ako saglit.”

Tumango na lang si Russ habang naghahain. Agad akong lumabas at dumiretso sa bahay ni Evron…

I just feel like I have to do this. Pakiramdam ko kailangan kong paglapitin sila lalo.

I sighed and pressed the doorbell. Ilang saglit lang, pinagbuksan din ako ng gate ni Evron.

Napalunok ako at napaiwas ng tingin. Nakasuot si gago ng puting sando… Hindi ko alam kung sinasadya niya bang ibalandra sa akin iyang mga braso niya.

I never find a man’s body attractive… talagang kay Evron lang.

“Rhiatt?” Lumapit siya sa akin. “Do you need something?” he asked.

I cleared my throat and looked at him. “Pumunta ka sa bahay.”

Napakurap siya at nagtatakang tumingin sa akin. “Pupunta ako sa bahay mo? Bakit?” tanong niya.

Napahawak ako sa batok ko. Kung sasabihin kong nandoon si Russ, baka mag inarte pa ito.

“Basta…” iritadong sabi ko na lang saka tinalikuran na siya.

Wala naman siyang nagawa at sumunod na lang sa akin papasok sa bahay. Buti na lang at hindi na siya nagtanong pa.

Pagpasok namin sa bahay… Agad kaming dumiretso sa dining area. Naramdaman kong natigilan si Evron nang makita si Russ. Ganoon din naman si Russ na napatigil sa paghahain.

I poked the insides of my cheeks with my tongue and sighed. Damn this.

“Evron’s my friend… Okay lang na nandito siya, ‘di ba?” tanong ko kay Russ.

Russ smiled and nodded. “O-okay lang naman,” sabi na lang niya saka naghanda ng isa pang plato para kay Evron.

Evron held my wrist and whispered in my ear. “Why are you still helping me with Russ?” he asked.

I looked at him. Natigilan pa ako dahil medyo magkalapit ang mukha namin. Tumikhim ako saka bahagyang lumayo sa kaniya.

“Just take what I’m giving you. Magpasalamat ka na lang,” mariing bulong ko.

He didn’t say anything. He was just staring at me as if this whole thing worries him. Ano pa ba ang inaarte niya?

Hindi na ako nagsalita at umupo na lang. Wala na lang din nagawa si Evron at umupo sa tabi ko. I looked at him through my peripheral vision. I could see him looking at Russ.

I bit my lower lip and shook my head… My chest feels tight again. Fuck this.

This is what I want to see. Gusto kong maging sampal sa akin na si Russ lang ang gusto ni Evron… So that my heart will stop hoping.

Fuck. I accept it. Ito nga yata talaga ang karma ko… for all the bad and hateful things that I said and I did in my life…

“Rhiatt, we have a surprise for you!”

Natigilan ako at napalingon sa likod ko nang marinig ko ang boses ni Leander. Ni hindi ko naramdaman na nandito na pala ang ungas na ‘to sa bahay ko.

Agad akong napatayo nang makitang may pamilyar na babae siyang kasama. Napaawang ang mga labi ko nang makilala ko kung sino siya.

“Diantha?” I muttered.

She smirked and crossed her arms, emphasizing her big boobs. She’s wearing a pink crop top and a pink mini skirt. Her long blonde hair was noticeable.

“I missed you, Rhiatt…”

Napakurap ako nang agad siyang tumakbo palapit sa akin at yumakap. Nagtatakang tumingin ako kay Leander.

Leander smiled at me. “She messaged me. Tinanong niya ako kung saan ka nakatira.” He shrugged.

Bahagyang lumayo si Diantha at tumitig sa mukha ko. She seductively smiled at me and touched my chin… Nagulat na lang ako nang bahagya siyang tumingkayad saka siniil ng halik ang labi ko.

Yeah, right… This woman is Diantha Inessa Zakirova. My half Russian ex-girlfriend. Sa lahat ng ex ko, siya ang hindi ko makakalimutan. It was not because she’s the most beautiful girl that I’ve dated…

It was because she’s the craziest woman that I have ever met… I fucking mean it.

---

Diantha Inessa Zakirova (You will see her as a main character in my future series… GL series oops)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

I held her shoulders and gently pushed her away from me.

“W-wait… Fuck,” I muttered.

Diantha slightly tilted her head and stared at me. “Why? You don’t like my kiss anymore?” she pouted.

“What are you doing here? I mean… Why are you suddenly looking for me?” I asked, confused as fuck.

“I’m bored… and I miss you. Magkabalikan na tayo… I’m so damn bored!” She stomped her feet.

I forgot to mention that she’s a fucking spoiled brat. Her family’s fucking rich… Kaya ganyan ang ugali niya.

“You broke up with me just because you want to… and now you want me back because you’re bored?” I asked in disbelief.

Diantha smiled at me. Damn. I was fooled by this woman’s beautiful face. Kaya siguro basta ko siya niyaya na makipag date.

Napatingin si Diantha kina Evron. Natigilan siya at napasinghap nang makita si Russ.

“Wow… You’re cute. Do you want to date me? I have a thing with feminine guys… I like them,” Diantha said and bit her pink nail.

Napabuga ako ng hangin. Yeah. She’s like this. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako tumagal ng dalawang buwan sa babaeng ‘to. It’s been eight months since we broke up… I think.

Russ awkwardly laughed and shook his head. “I-I’m not into women… Sorry.”

Diantha gasped. “Oh… Okay, I get it. Boyfriend ka ni Rhiatt?”

“No!” sabay naming sagot ni Russ.

“Hindi ba halatang magkadugo kami! Magkamukha kami! Si Russ ‘yan… pinsan ko!” asik ko.

Tangina. 

Diantha shook her head. “Eh? You don’t look like him at all… Hmm, slight lang. You’re too masculine… You’re the gwapo type… Russ is the cute type. Bulag ka ba?”

Nagpunta lang ba siya rito para inisin ako?

Diantha looked at Evron. Lumapit siya kay Evron saka inilahad ang kamay niya.

“Hi. I’m Diantha… And you are?” she asked and smiled at Evron.

I don’t like her smile at all.

“Evron,” tipid na sagot ni Evron at tinanggap naman ang kamay ni Diantha.

Diantha squealed. “Damn! You’re fucking handsome… Do you want to date me?”

She always does that… Basta may makita siyang guwapo. She just does whatever she wants.

Evron shook his head. Agad niya ring inilayo ang kamay kay Diantha. “No.”

Evron looked at me. “Rhiatt, thank you for inviting me here. But I have to go. May aasikasuhin pa ako sa gym.”

Pagkasabi niya no’n ay agad din siyang umalis. Hinabol ko siya ng tingin… What’s wrong with him? Allergic ba siya masyado sa babae?

Napailing na lang ako… Damn. I really should stop caring about everything he does.

Naghain na lang din ako para kina Leander at Diantha dahil nandito na rin naman sila. Maarte sa pagkain si Diantha kaya saging lang ang kinain niya.

“Oh… So, you’re gay?” Diantha asked Russ.

Marahan ko siyang siniko. Wala talagang filter magtanong ang babaeng ‘to.

Hindi naman mukhang na-offend si Russ. He smiled at Diantha.

Russ chuckled and touched his nape. “Uhm… Yes.”

Diantha looked at me. “Bakit mo ba ako sinisiko? There’s nothing wrong with being gay naman. Are you still homophobic?”

“I know there’s nothing wrong with being gay… Ang akin lang, masyadong personal ang tanong mo,” sabi ko na lang saka umismid.

“May mali ba sa tanong ko, Leander?” tanong ni Diantha saka tumingin kay Leander na abala sa pagkain.

Napatigil sa paglamon si ungas at napakurap. Nagtatakang tumingin siya kay Diantha na tila hindi niya alam ang pinag-uusapan namin.

Gagong ‘to. Pagkain lang yata ang habol dito.

“Yes, walang mali sa’yo, Diantha. Lagi kang tama,” sabi ni Leander saka nag-thumbs up pa.

Napailing ako.

“It’s okay. Hindi naman ako na-offend,” si Russ.

I looked at him. “I don’t believe you because you’re a people-pleaser.”

Umirap si Diantha sa akin. “Ikaw nga itong masama ang ugali.”

Russ chuckled while looking at us. “You too look cute. Para lang kayong magkapatid.”

Napangiwi si Diantha. “Uhm. Ew…”

Pagkatapos naming kumain. Nagpaalam na rin si Russ at Leander. Naiwan kami ni Diantha rito sa bahay.

Umupo si Diantha sa kandungan ko saka yumakap sa batok ko. Napailing na lang ako… Mamaya talaga masasapak ko si Leander. Hindi ko nga sinabi noon kay Diantha kung saan ako nakatira dahil may sapak ang babaeng ‘to.

Natigilan ako nang inilapit ni Diantha ang labi sa tainga ko. “Rhiatt… Tell me, you like that huge man earlier, right? What was his name again…” Napaisip siya. “Oh… Evron.”

Natigilan ako at nagtatakang tumingin sa kaniya. Parang tumibok nang mabilis ang puso ko dahil sa kaba.

Diantha chuckled. “Wow… Ang dali mo pa ring basahin, Rhiatt.”

I bit my lower lip and sighed. I pushed her gently. “Fuck off.”

Diantha sat beside me and chuckled. “The way you look at him… damn. You’re too hungry for him… Hindi ko in-expect na magiging bisexual ka.”

Tangina. Masyado ba akong obvious?

“Okay. Let me guess… You like Evron. And that Evron guy likes your cousin, Russ.”

This is what’s scary about this woman… Malakas ang pakiramdam niya.

“You’re overthinking things,” sabi ko na lang at umiwas ng tingin sa kaniya.

Diantha laughed. “You’re the cutest one among all of my exes… Do you know that?”

Tumingin ako sa kanya. “Tell me honestly, Diantha… Bakit bigla kang sumulpot?”

Diantha pouted and held my hand. “Okay, I’ll be honest… My parents want me to get married ASAP. Kapag wala akong nahanap na willing magpakasal sa akin after seven months, ipapakasal nila ako sa kung sino.”

I laughed. “Deserve mo ‘yan. Baka napagod na sila sa’yo.”

Diantha punched my arm. Napangiwi ako at napahawak sa braso ko.

Nabanggit ko na ba? Diantha is fucking strong. Kaya niya akong patumbahin.

“Magpakasal tayo, Rhiatt… Ano? Magdi-divorce din naman tayo kapag nabigay na sa’kin ‘yung mana ko. Sa ibang bansa tayo magpapakasal. Hahatian kita… mga 20 percent,” she said and wriggled her eyebrows.

Natigilan ako at napaisip. Sa yaman nila, napakalaki na ng 20 percent. Pati future ng magiging apo ko, siguradong secured na.

“I’ll think about it…” sabi ko na lang.

Diantha nodded. “I’ll give you one month to think about it.”

Alam kong hindi isang buwan iyon. Mainipin si Diantha. Kapag gusto niya, gusto niya nakukuha niya agad.

She stood up and took her pink bag. She smiled at me. “I have to go… I’ll go to Switzerland with my friends to unwind.”

Tangina. Ayos.

Naalala ko tuloy noong nagpunta kami bigla ng Japan noon for three days dahil lang trip niya.

Hinatid ko na lang palabas si Diantha. Halos masilaw ako sa pink niyang kotse.

“Bye, Rhiatt! Think about it, okay?” Diantha gave me a flying kiss before she went inside her car and left.

Napabuga ako ng hangin at napasandal sa gate. Thinking about it, her offer was pretty good. Kung noon siguro… papayag ako kaagad.

Secured na ang future ko kung sakali. I know Diantha. Tumutupad siya sa sinasabi niya dahil ma-pride siya. Kapag sinabi niyang bibigyan ka niya ng isang milyon, talagang gagawin niya.

20 percent of their wealth is fucking crazy… Nasaksihan ko kung gaano sila kayaman. They have about ten mansions here in the Philippines, bukod pa sa nasa Russia at Canada… and I’m not exaggerating. Hindi lang basta basta ang pamilya ni Diantha. Nag-iisang anak pa siya kaya talagang sa kaniya lang mapupunta ang lahat ng iyon.

Tangina. Dapat maging thankful ako at ako ang inalok ni Diantha nito. Kung tutuusin hindi na dapat ako nagdadalawang isip pa.

Naiinis na ginulo ko ang buhok ko. Tanginang Evron kasi ‘yan! Kung hindi siya sumulpot sa buhay ko, e ‘di sana hindi ako nahihirapan ng ganito.

“Tangina kasi, Evron!” naiiritang sabi ko at muling ginulo ang buhok ko.

“What?”

Natigilan ako. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at agad na napalingon sa gilid ko. Natigilan ako nang makita si Evron na nakatayo sa tapat ng gate niya habang seryosong nakatitig sa akin.

Fuck.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Ang tanga mo, Rhiatt!

Tumikhim ako at napahawak sa batok ko. “Uhm… Nandiyan ka pala.” I awkwardly laughed.

Evron stared at me with cold and serious eyes. “What did I do this time?” he asked and slightly tilted his head.

“Uhm… Ikaw kasi… Gumawa na ako ng paraan para magkalapit kayo ni Russ, ‘di ba? Kanina?” tanong ko.

“Did I ask you to do that?” he asked in a cold tone.

My eyes squinted. Lumapit ako sa kaniya. I crossed my arms and glared at him.

“Ungrateful bastard,” I muttered. “You should be thankful. I’m trying to help your hopeless ass here!”

Evron’s jaw clenched. “I didn’t ask for your help…”

I poked the insides of my cheek and chuckled bitterly. “What’s wrong with you?”

Evron sighed and licked his lower lip. “You don’t have to make it obvious that you’re dying to get rid of me…”

Napakunot ang noo ko. What the fuck? Ano ba’ng pinagsasabi nito?!

“Why the hell would I get rid of you?!” hindi ko naiwasang magtaas ng boses.

Evron stared at me. “My problem with Russ… I will deal with that on my own… You’re so eager to help me with Russ because you want me out of your life so bad… Why can’t we just be friends, Rhiatt? Why are you so hostile towards me?”

Napaawang ang mga labi ko sa sinabi niya. He misinterpreted my actions. Akala niya tinutulungan ko siya kay Russ para mawala na siya sa buhay ko.

I can’t blame him though.

Pero mas okay na iyon kaysa malaman niyang may nararamdaman ako sa kaniya.

“Ayaw nga kitang kaibigan… I’m sure I made it obvious,” sabi ko na lang at napaiwas ng tingin.

“Is it because of my sexuality?” he asked.

I looked at him. He seemed hurt. Nakonsensya naman ako. Kung noon, siguro oo ang sagot…

Napahawak ako sa batok ko. I can’t blame him for thinking that way. I was too much of an asshole before. I really feel bad for hating people just because they are gay… Damn. I’m the worst.

“It’s not because of that,” I muttered. “It’s just… I already have two friends, Leander and Connor. Just the two of them is already too much for me… I can’t have another one. We’re neighbors… I think that’s enough.”

Evron stared at me. Hindi ko alam ang pumapasok sa isip ng taong ‘to. Magulo talaga siya intindihin para sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang nagustuhan ko sa kaniya.

Evron sighed and nodded. “Okay… It seems like we really can’t be friends… Is it because of the woman earlier?”

Natigilan ako at saglit na napaisip… Huh?

“Si Diantha?” tanong ko.

He nodded.

“Ano namang kinalaman niya rito?” tanong ko.

Minsan natatangahan ako kay Evron… Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko siya gusto, e, mataas naman ang standard ko!

“You might be worried about what she’ll think if you have a friend like me…” aniya.

“Well… Quite true. Baka bawiin niya ang offer niya sa akin kapag nalaman niyang may ugnayan ako sa’yo,” pagdadahilan ko. “She wants to marry me.”

Natigilan si Evron. “Really?”

Tangina. Ewan ko ba kung bakit dito kami nag-uusap sa labas, para kaming tanga.

“Oo… Para sure win siya sa mana niya sa parents niya. She said she’ll give me 20 percent of her inheritance. And kid you not… She’s goddamn rich. Hindi biro ang 20 percent na iyon. So, I’m considering it.”

Napakunot ang noo ni Evron. “You’ll marry someone because of money?” tanong niya na may halong panghuhusga.

“Sa ibang bansa naman kami magpapakasal, pwede mag divorce… Tanga na lang ang hindi papayag sa offer ni Diantha.”

“So, you’ll accept her offer?” he asked.

“I’m still thinking about it. Diantha can be fucking… scary.” Napangiwi ako.

Natigilan ako. Why am I even telling him this? Masyado na siyang feeling close sa akin!

Tumikhim ako. “Basta. ‘Wag mo nang alamin ang mga trip kong gawin sa buhay… Pero ikaw… Sure ka ba na hindi mo kailangan ng tulong kay Russ?”

Tangina. Bahala na. Kahit mamatay matay ako sa selos… sige na. Nang matapos na lang itong paghihirap ko na ‘to.

“Hindi nga,” sabi niya saka umiling pa.

“Ewan ko sa’yo. Bahala ka na… Pasok na ‘ko,” sabi ko na lang saka pumasok sa loob… kahit gusto ko pa siya kasama.

Tangina. Kailangan ko na talaga itigil ang kahibangang ‘to.

NAPAGDESISYUNAN KO NA lang na magpinta sa may playground sa subdivision. Maraming mga puno at halaman doon. Marami ring tao. Kailangan ko lang i-distract ang sarili ko sa mga bagay bagay.

S-in-et up ko ang canvas at stand. Umupo ako saka tiningnan ang kabuuan ng playground… Matagal na ang huling beses na humawak ako ng lapis at paint brush. I was really good at art. Mas pinili ko lang talaga ang basketball. Kapag sinasabi ko iyon sa teammates ko, hindi sila naniniwala.

Saglit akong pumikit at napabuga ng hangin… Tangina. Magfo-focus na uli ako sa basketball pagkatapos nito. Pipilitin kong iwasan ang ungas na iyon.

Tama. May pag-asa pang mawala ito. Basta abalahin ko na lang ang sarili ko sa ibang bagay at iwasan siya.

Tumingin ako sa kabuuan ng paligid at nagsimulang magpinta… pero natigilan ako nang may pamilyar na lalaking pumukaw ng atensyon ko… Kahit malayo layo, makikita’t makikita talaga siya.

Nakaupo si Evron sa bench. May nakaupong stray cat sa kandungan niya. He was stroking the cat’s fur. Pinapakain niya rin ito ng treats.

Suddenly, my eyes were too focused on him. Tila nawalan na ako ng pakialam sa ibang bagay. I took my pencil. I started sketching that view of him.

I don’t know what got into me. I must be really out of my mind.

Am I hopeless?

I just wanted this feeling to be gone… without any trace… but here I am, leaving a trace of what I feel for him.

What did he even do for me to like him? Hindi ko naman siya nakasama nang matagal. We just had a few interactions. Madalas pa akong magalit sa kaniya.

Is this karma?

I don’t know… is being in love with that guy can be considered as karma?

I smiled and shook my head.

No.
To be honest, I don’t think I hate the fact that I like him… What I hate is the fact that he likes someone else, and he won’t like me back.

Because this feeling wouldn’t be so torturous if he likes me too… but he doesn’t… that’s why it was unbearable.

I sighed. It took me this long to fully accept what I feel about Evron. I kept on denying it…

I don’t even care about my sexuality anymore. I just like him. I don’t care if he’s a man… or even if he becomes a woman. I just don’t care at all. I just like him. Only him.

I don’t hate the feeling that I like him… I love it. I don’t think falling in love with a man can be considered as a punishment… because it’s not. There’s nothing wrong with it.

I chuckled. Why am I even realizing things too late?

I hate myself for hurting other people in the past just because of what they want or what they feel… and now I’m experiencing the same thing…

My karma isn’t the fact that I fell in love with someone of the same gender… My karma is the fact that that man that I fell in love with can’t like me back.

Because I know… if he happens to like me back… I will fucking accept him without any doubt.

I am that hopeless.

I stopped when I was finally done. I stared at the sketch. I sighed and closed my eyes.

I really should avoid him now. I should do everything in my power to avoid him…

Right. I’ll just accept Diantha’s offer and marry her. Pupunta kami sa ibang bansa at doon magpapakasal… Malalayo ako kay Evron.

“What is… that?”

Napapitlag ako nang marinig ang pamilyar na boses na iyon. Napalunok ako at napatingin sa gilid ko. Pakiramdam ko binuhusan ako ng malamig na tubig nang makita si Evron na nakatayo roon… I didn’t even notice his presence because I was thinking too hard.

Nanginig ang mga kamay ko. Nabitiwan ko ang lapis na hawak ko nang mapansin ko kung saan siya nakatingin.

He was looking at my sketch.

Chapter Thirty

“It’s me…” he muttered.

I immediately took the canvas and hid it from him. I was palpitating so hard. Agad akong tumayo at tinulak siya palayo sa akin.

“What the fuck are you looking at?!” I shouted.

I could feel my hands shaking. I feel like crying. I wanted to just disappear and never show up again.

“It’s me… I’m sure. It was a sketch of me…” he said and pointed to the canvas that I was hiding from him.

“You’re fucking delusional! Hindi ikaw ‘to!” pagtanggi ko.

Agad kong kinuha ang mga gamit ko at nagmamadaling naglakad. Ni hindi ko na nagawang kuhanin ang canvas stand dahil sa pagmamadali. Sumunod si Evron sa akin. Napakagat ako nang mariin sa ibabang labi ko at mabilis na naglakad para hindi niya ako mahabol pa.

“Will you fucking stop following me?!” asik ko at dinuro siya.

Evron sighed, still following me. “Come on, R hiatt… I just want to see your sketch… Pwede kong hingiin?” he asked.

Nakasunod pa rin siya sa akin hanggang sa makarating ako sa tapat ng bahay namin. Akmang papasok na ako sa loob pero agad siyang humawak sa braso ko.

Napansin kong dala niya ang canvas stand ko. I don’t know what to feel about it. Bakit ba may pakialam siya roon at dinala niya pa?

I fucking hate this side of him.

“Rhiatt. Why are you avoiding me?”

“Paano kita hindi iiwasan?! Pinagpipilitan mong ikaw ‘tong drawing ko! Gago ka ba?! Tanga!” asik ko pa.

“If it’s not me, then why are you not showing it to me?” he asked in a serious tone.

“Ayoko lang ipakita sa’yo! Kailangan ko pa ba ng dahilan para do’n!”

Damn. I hate this. My emotions were overwhelming. Pakiramdam ko ay maiiyak na ako anumang oras… I’m not mad… I’m just so damn scared. I’m trying to look mad, because I don’t want him to see that I’m fucking scared.

Agad kong binuksan ang gate at pumasok. Akmang isasara ko iyon pero agad na iniharang ni Evron ang kamay niya. Pumasok siya sa loob saka isinara ang gate sa likuran niya. Napalunok ako at napahawak nang mahigpit sa canvas na hawak ko.

Seryosong nakatingin siya sa akin. Inilapag niya ang canvas stand at lumapit sa akin. Napalunok ako at napaatras.

“I just wanted to see your sketch. I just wanted to confirm if it was me… Is it that hard, huh, Rhiatt?” he asked in a deep tone.

I was breathing heavily. I could not remember the last time I felt this. I was so scared. I wanted to disappear so damn bad.

“B-bakit kasi kailangan mo pang makita?!” asik ko. My voice broke.

I could feel my vision becoming blurry… Fuck! Was I really about to cry over this shit?

“Why don’t you want me to see it?” he asked.

Muli siyang humakbang palapit sa akin. Nanghihina ang mga tuhod ko… Hindi ako makaatras. Nanghihina ang mga tuhod ko. Pakiramdam ko bibigay rin iyon anumang oras.

“F-fuck off!” I pushed him as hard as I could.

Evron caught my wrist. He pulled me closer to him and snatched the canvas from my other hand. He looked at the sketch… He froze… He stared at it for quite a long time.

“It’s really me… You drew me…” he mumbled… as if he couldn’t believe it.

I could feel my tears escaping my eyes. I clenched my fists. Evron looked at me when he heard me sniffling. His eyes softened.

“R-Rhiatt…” He held my arm. “I-I’m sorry…”

I took the canvas from him and glared at him. “Fuck you, asshole!”

Evron licked his lower lip and touched my face. He wiped my tears gently… but I pushed him away from me.

“I’m sorry… I just wanted to see. I’m not teasing you at all. It’s okay. I know you just drew me out of boredom or something… It’s okay,” he whispered while staring at me.

Fuck! I feel like a loser.

“I said fuck off!” I shouted and removed his hands on my face.

I pushed him, but he immediately grabbed my arm and pulled me close to him again. He touched my jaw and made me look at him. He was staring seriously at me… but I could see the gentleness in them as well.

“You reacting like this makes me think that your sketch has another meaning, Rhiatt…” he said in a serious tone.

“W-what the hell are you implying?” I asked.

Evron’s jaw clenched while staring intently at me. “If it’s nothing, you won’t overreact…” he whispered.

“N-nahawa ka na ba sa kayabangan ko, huh, Evron?!” asik ko. “You’ve become delusional!”

Sinubukan ko siyang itulak pero humawak siya sa magkabilang braso ko, tila hindi ako hinahayaang lumayo sa kaniya.

“You don’t want me to know? Then stop making it obvious, Rhiatt…” he whispered.

I was palpitating so bad that it felt like my heart would burst. My lips were so dry. My knees were shaking. Evron was staring at me as if he knew what was going on in my mind… and it fucking scares me.

“Y-you’re fucking ridiculous!” I shouted and tried to push him again.

“This mouth of yours really needs a cleanse…” he muttered. His eyes went down to my lips.

Fuck! I hate that I wanted to kiss him so bad in this situation. I fucking want to kiss him. I hate to admit that I’m so fucking hungry for his kiss. I want to feel those lips on mine.

“You’re looking at me like that again…” His hand went down on my lower back. “Your lips will never tell me what you want from me… but your eyes always do.”

“W-what?” I stuttered.

He stared at my eyes. “What do you want from me, huh, Rhiatt? Why don’t you give me your words?”

He pulled me closer to him. Mabigat ang paghinga ko. Lalo na nang maglapit ang mga labi namin. I could feel and smell his hot breath. My lips slightly parted. My knees were so weak… Our lips were so close… so, so close. I could feel his heavy breathing.

I fucking want to kiss him so bad. Gutom na gutom ako sa mga labi niya. I never felt this intense feeling before. I want to pull him close and crush my lips on his. I wanted to feel those soft lips on mine. I want his tongue on my mouth.

I could feel my whole face heating up. Tila nahihirapan akong huminga dahil sa nararamdaman ko. My hands were itching to move. I wanted to hug his nape and kiss him as hard as I could… as passionately as I could.

“Fuck. Just give me your words…” he muttered.

I rarely hear him curse. Siguro nga ay dalawa o tatlong beses ko palang siya narinig na magmura… I don’t want to assume things… that he may be as hungry as I am right now.

Nabitiwan ko ang canvas na hawak ko. Napalunok ako at nanghihinang kumapit sa suot niyang t-shirt.

“Why are you making it… so hard… for me?” he whispered.

I felt like I would melt any moment in his arms. I felt like he was teasing me… as if he wanted me to give in.

I’m so damn close to giving in.

“Rhiatt!”

Agad kong itinulak si Evron nang marinig ko ang boses ni Connor. Evron sighed and licked his lower lip. His jaw clenched… as if he was pissed.

Napalunok ako at agad na hinablot ang t-shirt ni Evron saka binuksan ang gate. Itinulak ko siya palabas. Napakurap sina Connor at Leander… nagtatakang tumingin sa amin.

“What’s happening here, dude?” tanong ni Connor.

“W-wala!” asik ko.

Tumingin ako kay Evron na seryosong nakatingin sa akin. Natigilan ako nang kwelyuhan niya ako. Napasinghap naman sina Leander at Connor.

“Fuck, dude! Inaaway mo si Rhiatt?!” asik ni Leander.

Hindi pinansin ni Evron ang sinabi ni Leander at nanatiling matiim na nakatitig sa akin.

Evron’s jaw clenched. “Hindi pa ‘ko tapos sa’yo.”

Pagkasabi no’n ay agad niya rin akong binitiwan. Umalis na siya at pumasok sa bahay niya. Nanghihinang napahawak ako sa dibdib ko. Ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko.

Nag-aalalang lumapit sa akin sina Leander at Connor.

“Dude! What just happened?! Nasiraan na ba ng ulo ‘yang si Evron?!” tanong ni Leander.

“Fuck… I never knew your beef with him was this bad. Mukhang susuntukin ka na niya, e!” si Connor.

“You must be so scared, dude…” napapailing na sabi ni Leander saka tinapik-tapik ang likod ko.

Napalunok ako at napabuga ng hangin. “Y-yeah… I was so scared.”

Chapter Thirty-One

“Sorry, p’re… Hindi kita napagtanggol kanina. ‘Wag kang mag-alala, pa-practice-in namin ni Connor ang martial arts,” sabi ni Leander.

Napalunok ako at pasimpleng kinuha ang sketch na nasa lapag. Napangiwi ako at dali daling iniwan sila roon at pumasok ng bahay. Agad akong dumiretso sa kuwarto ko at hinagis sa kama ang canvas.

Lumabas din ako kaagad ng kuwarto at dumiretso sa sala. Naabutan ko sina Connor at Leander doon na prenteng nakaupo sa couch ko. Napabuga ako ng hangin at humawak sa batok ko.

Hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong mainis o magpasalamat sa dalawang ‘to sa biglaang pagsulpot nila.

Kung hindi sila dumating… ano kaya ang nangyari?

Napailing na lang ako at pilit na inalis ang mga ganoong bagay sa isip ko.

Siguro magpasalamat na lang ako at dumating sina Connor.

If we happen to kiss… I don’t know if I could ever go back.

“Huy, Rhiatt. Bingi ka p’re?” tanong ni Connor at kumaway kaway pa sa akin.

Tila natigilan ako sa malalim na pag-iisip. Iritadong tumingin ako sa kanila. “Ano ba ‘yon?!” asik ko.

“Tinatanong namin kung ano ba’ng pinag-awayan niyo ni Evron? Bakit mukhang galit na galit siya sa’yo?” tanong ni Leander.

Napaismid ako. “Wala! Kung ano ano lang! Tanga ‘yon, e!”

Napahagalpak ng tawa si Connor. “Gago baka ininis mo na naman ‘yon… Akala ko pa naman medyo okay na kayo. Ano na naman ba’ng ginawa mo, Rhiatt?”

Tumawa rin si Leander. “Bakit kaya siguradong sigurado tayo na si Rhiatt ang may kasalanan?”

“Demonyo ‘yan, e,” si Connor. “Magugulat pa ako kung si Evron ang may kasalanan sa kaniya.”

“Tarantado pala kayo, e! Bakit hindi siya ang kaibiganin niyo?!” singhal ko.

“Galit agad? Honest lang, e…” bwelta ni Connor.

Napailing na lang ako at napabuga ng hangin. Natigilan ako nang mag-vibrate ang cellphone ko. Agad kong tiningnan iyon. Napakagat ako sa ibabang labi ko nang makitang nag-text si Evron.

Ungas: Why are your friends always there in your house? Wala ba silang bahay?

Me: Ano ba’ng pake mo?!

Ungas: I’m just asking.

Me: Pwede silang magpunta sa bahay ko anytime dahil kaibigan ko naman sila!

Ungas: How about me?

Natigilan ako. Napakagat ako nang mariin sa ibabang labi ko at hindi nakapag-reply.

Damn this man!

“Are you alright, Rhiatt? Namumula ka,” puna ni Leander.

Natigilan si Connor at tumingin sa akin. “Oo nga, ‘no. Nilalagnat ka, dude?”

Napalunok ako saka tumikhim. “W-wala! Mainit lang,” pagdadahilan ko na lang.

Leander grinned. “Weh? Baka ka-chat mo si Diantha.”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Connor. “Gago, nagkabalikan na kayo ni Diantha? Akala ko takot ka ro’n?” tanong ni Connor.

Ibinulsa ko na lang ang phone ko at hindi na ni-reply-an pa si Evron.

“Hindi kami nagkabalikan… But Diantha offered marriage to me like she’s just offering a piece of candy.”

Connor and Leander laughed.

“Fuck. I’m expecting something like that from Diantha… She’s really out of this world,” si Leander.

Tumango ako. “Well, in order to get her inheritance she has to marry someone. Ako ang naisip niya. She’ll give me the 20 percent of her inheritance if I agree… Pwede kami mag-divorce agad kapag nakuha niya na ang mana niya.”

“Ah, fuck. The Zakirova riches… Sana ako na lang ang inalok. Damn! Swerte mo, gago!” tila naiinggit na sabi ni Connor.

“Pumayag ka, dude?” tanong ni Leander.

“Sabi ko pag-iisipan ko pa.”

Napasuntok sa hangin ang dalawa.

“Gago, bakit pag-iisipan mo pa? 20 percent ng yaman nina Diantha?! You’ve got to be kidding me. Hanggang great great grandchild mo aabot ‘yon, e!” OA na sabi ni Connor.

“Pakipot pa ‘yan siya…” natatawang sabi rin ni Leander.

“Gago ba kayo?! Malamang pinag-iisipan ko pa! Hindi basta basta ang magpakasal… saka si Diantha ang pinag-uusapan natin dito. You know her…”

Napangiwi si Connor. “Well, may point… Pero grab mo na ‘yan, pare. Baka sa iba pa mag-alok si Diantha.”

I sighed and stroked my hair. “She gave me a month to think about it… Pag-iisipan ko muna.”

“Kapag tinanggihan mo, sabihin mo kay Diantha, ako na lang kamo,” sabi ni Leander saka itinuro ang sarili niya. “Sabihin mo good boy naman kamo ako.”

I raised my middle finger at him.

Kinuha kong muli ang cellphone ko. Nakita kong may text na naman mula kay Evron.

Ungas: Rhiatt?

Me: Ano ba?! Tangina naman!

Tumikhim ako at tumingin kina Leander at Connor. “Hoy, magsilayas na kayo! Magpapahinga na ‘ko!” pagtaboy ko sa kanila.

“Grabe, hindi pa nga kami nakain?” reklamo ni Leander.

Napailing na lang ako. Gusto ko na lang talaga sila bugbugin kung minsan.

“Mga pulubi ba kayo at dito kayo kain nang kain?! Alis na!” pagtaboy ko pa.

Pagkatapos ko silang itaboy, agad na akong pumasok sa kuwarto ko para magshower at magpalit ng damit.

Akmang hihiga na ako sa kama, pero natigilan ako at napatingin sa sketch ng larawan ni Evron. Kinuha ko iyon at inilagay canvas stand sa tabi ng kama ko.

Alam kong dapat itapon ko na lang ito pero hindi ko rin naman magawa.

Humiga na ako sa kama at kinuha ang phone ko.

May text mula kay Evron.

Ungas: Damn. You’re so good at acting like you hate me.

Gusto kong ihagis ang cellphone ko. Pero napalunok na lang ako at huminga nang malalim. Pilit kong pinakalma ang sarili ko.

Hindi ko na siya ni-reply-an pa. Baka masiraan lang ako lalo ng ulo.

I opened Facebook. I just scrolled on my feed. Puro basketball at art content ang nalabas sa feed ko.

Natigilan ako nang maalala si Evron. Tumikhim ako at muling s-in-earch ang pangalan niya.

Evron Vance Gallegos.

I stalked him before… and now I’m doing it again. Iba lang ngayon. Noon naiinis ako sa kaniya… Ngayon gusto ko na siya.

Puro picture ng halaman at ng aso niya ang nandoon. May mga pictures din ng stray cats at dogs dito sa subdivision namin. Napangisi ako.

Ang recent post niya ay tungkol sa nakaraang eleksyon. It was a picture of his hand with ink on his index finger. I read the caption on his post.

Manalo man o matalo… bumoto ng malinis ang konsensya. I know I voted for the deserving ones. I did my research. I hope you did yours too :)

He even put the names of those he voted for in the caption.

I smirked. Damn. I know being politically and socially vocal is a bare minimum, but it just made me like him more.

I flinched when my phone vibrated… Evron added me on Facebook.

Agad na nag-notify sa akin ang message niya sa message request. I opened it.

Evron: Hi. Accept my friend request.

“Damn…” I muttered.

I deleted his friend request… But he added me again.

Naiinis na inilapag ko na lang sa bedside table ang cellphone ko at pumikit…

Damn you, Evron. What games are playing with me?

---

“Okay na ang balikat ko… Hindi mo na kailangan magpunta punta rito. Babalik na rin ako sa practice one of these days…”

Natigilan si Russ sa paghahain at tumingin sa akin. He smiled. “That’s great. Na-miss kong makalaban ka sa basketball,” natatawang sabi niya.

“Dapat lang ma-miss mo. Tangina, dudurugin talaga kita,” sabi ko na lang saka umismid.

Hindi na lang pinansin ni Russ ang sinabi ko at napatingin sa phone niya. “Oh, shoot… Can I borrow your charger, Rhiatt? For iOS,” he said and showed me his phone.

I nodded. “Bahala ka. Kunin mo na lang doon sa kuwarto ko, unang pinto sa taas.”

Tumango si Russ at agad na nagtungo sa silid ko. Tumuloy lang ako sa pagscroll sa feed ko… pero natigilan ako nang may mapagtanto ako.

Agad na tumibok nang mabilis ang puso ko nang maalala ko kung ano ang nandoon sa kuwarto ko.

Putangina!

Agad akong tumayo at tumakbo papuntang silid ko… And fuck! I was too late.

Russ was staring at my sketch… His lips were parted, and his eyes were wide… as if he couldn’t believe it. Agad akong pinagpawisan ng malamig.

Nanginginig ang mga kamay at tuhod ko. I don’t know how I’m going to explain this to him.

“Rhiatt…” Russ muttered. He looked at me.

I couldn’t read what he was thinking.

Fuck.

Russ stared at me. “D-do you like Evron?”

Chapter Thirty-Two

“N-no! Of course not! Damn, dude! What makes you think that?!” I denied.

“B-but this is clearly Evron…” he said and pointed at the sketch. “Unang tingin ko pa lang, alam kong si Evron ito.”

I licked my lower lip. “Look… I just sketched some random guy at the park… Paano mo naman nasabing si Evron iyan?! Why would I even draw him?!”

I’m panicking deep inside… I’m trying to act normal. But I’m just so damn scared. Bakit sa lahat… si Russ pa?!

Napabuga ng hangin si Russ at lumapit sa akin. “Rhiatt… You can be honest with me. You know I won’t judge…”

“Gago…” napamura ako at humawak sa noo ko. “Hindi nga si Evron iyan! Ano ba?! Ang daming lalaki sa mundo na kamukha niya! Nagkataon lang na may nakita akong kung sino sa park at d-in-rawing ko. Okay na ba?!” iritadong tanong ko.

Russ sighed and held my hand. “Why are you so scared to admit it to me, Rhiatt? It’s fine… It’s okay.”

I wiped the sweat on my forehead. I fucking hate this situation.

“Russ… Una sa lahat, straight ako. Alam mo ‘yan, ‘di ba? Pangalawa, alam kong may namamagitan pa sa inyo ni Evron—”

He cut me off. “What’s in the past stays in the past, Rhiatt. Wala nang namamagitan sa amin ni Evron. We both moved on… It’s okay for you to like him… or to have a relationship with him. I don’t mind at all.”

“Hindi pa siya nakakamove on sa’yo! Hindi ba halata?! Mahal ka pa no’n!” asik ko.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ito ang pinupunto ko sa kaniya imbis na pagiging straight ko.

Russ chuckled. “Kung talagang mahal niya pa ako, dapat pinu-pursue niya pa rin ako hanggang ngayon.”

“He’s not pursuing you because he loves you! Ayaw niyang pilitin ka sa bagay na hindi mo gusto!”

Russ shook his head. “No, Rhiatt… Trust me on this one, he doesn’t love me anymore.” He smiled at me. “You can like him. It’s okay. You don’t have to think about me… I won’t judge you. I won’t hate you… You’re free to like whoever you want…”

Naiinis na inalis ko ang pagkakahawak niya sa kamay ko. “Sinabing straight nga ako! Hindi ko gusto si Evron! Bakit ba ang kulit mo?!”

“Rhiatt… Napapansin ko rin naman. Hindi ko lang pinapansin noong una dahil baka mali lang ako. I noticed the way you look at him… It’s different. Hindi ka ganoon tumingin sa iba…”

I clenched my fists. No matter how much I deny it, he keeps on insisting that I like Evron.

Masyado ba talaga akong halata?! Even Diantha noticed it easily. Am I really making it obvious? I’m trying my best to look like I hate him… Bakit napapansin pa rin nila?

“You’re not trying hard enough, Rhiatt.” Russ smiled. “It seems like the feeling is mutual… Evron’s looking at you differently too.”

Naiinis na itinulak ko siya palayo. “Gago! Malamang! Magkamukha tayo… It was just because of that!”

Russ chuckled. “I know Evron… He won’t give a shit about you even if we look alike if he’s not interested in you. He’s not that shallow, Rhiatt…”

Hindi ko alam kung pampalubag loob lang ba ang pinagsasasabi ng tangang ‘to.

“Iyon nga ang dahilan! Magkamukha kasi tayo… He doesn’t like me! Wala siyang balak palitan ka sa puso niya… He was entertaining me to ease the loneliness in his heart… and I happen to look like you,” I said, convincing him… or more like, convincing myself.

“He’s not like that, Rhiatt… And believe me… he’s probably thinking that we don’t look alike at all.” He chuckled. “Evron is not like that. You have to believe me on this.”

Napakagat ako nang mariin sa ibabang labi ko. Hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman ko sa mga pinagsasasabi niya sa akin ngayon.

“Bahala ka… Paniwalaan mo ang gusto mong paniwalaan,” sabi ko na lang at iniwan siya roon.

Agad naman siyang sumunod sa akin. “You have my full support, Rhiatt.” He even smiled at me.

“Fuck off,” I said, gritting my teeth.

Damn. Problems after problems!

---

“Oh? Bakit bigla kang nagpakita?” tanong ko habang seryosong nakatitig sa kaniya.

Yara bit her lower lip and played with her fingers. “R-Rhiatt… Sorry talaga sa nangyari. Ngayon lang ako nagkaroon ng lakas ng loob humingi ng sorry.”

I sighed and sat beside her. Namumugto pa rin ang mga mata niya. Mukhang pinagsisihan na naman niya ang nangyari.

“It’s fine. Basta cancel na ‘yung one month deal natin…” sabi ko na lang.

Yara looked at me and hugged my arm. “Thank you, Rhiatt! Sorry talaga… Ilang araw ako hindi nakatulog dahil sa konsensya… Hindi ko dapat ginawa ‘yon…”

Naiinis na itinulak ko ang noo niya palayo sa akin. “Oo na nga! Kulit…”

“We’re friends pa rin?” nakangusong tanong niya pa.

“Kailan ba ako pumayag na maging friends tayo?” iritadong tanong ko.

Napanguso siya. “Basta friends pa rin tayo, ha. Natutuwa kasi talaga ako sa’yo… Bagay kayo ni Kuya Evron.”

Natigilan ako. “Teka… Pinatawad ka na ba no’n?”

Napabuga ng hangin si Yara. “Hindi niya pa rin ako pinapansin. Pero I understand naman… Medyo kinikilig nga ako kasi he cares for you talaga.”

Naningkit ang mga mata ko… Bakit ba ganito ang babaeng ‘to?

Natigilan kaming pareho nang tumunog ang doorbell. Agad akong tumayo at lumabas para tingnan kung sino iyon. Sumunod naman sa akin si Yara.

Natigilan ako nang makitang si Evron iyon. Napabuga ako ng hangin at pinagbuksan siya ng gate.

Naramdaman kong nagtago si Yara sa likod ko.

“Yara… I told you to stay away from Rhiatt,” mariing sabi ni Evron.

Lumabas si Yara sa pagkakatago sa likod ko. “K-kuya… Hindi na ako gagawa ng kalokohan kay Rhiatt. Promise,” sabi niya saka itinaas pa ang kamay niya.

Evron’s eyes squinted. “I just can’t trust your words, Yara.”

Napabuga ako ng hangin. “Nagbago na nga siya. ‘Wag mo na nga pagalitan! Ako nga nakamove on na, e. Tapos ikaw hindi pa…” iritadong sabi ko na lang.

Evron looked at me. He didn’t say anything… and here I am wondering again what’s going on in his mind.

Yara cleared his throat and tapped my shoulder. “Sige, Rhiatt… Aalis na ako. May lakad pala ako,” she said and smiled at me.

Wala pa yatang isang linggo ko siyang kilala, pero tila alam ko na agad ang ibig sabihin ng ngiti niyang iyon… She wanted to leave me alone with Evron.

Agad nang umalis si Yara at iniwan kami.

Akmang isasara ko na ang gate, pero agad na humawak si Evron sa braso ko.

“Wait, Rhiatt…”

Tila nakuryente ako sa hawak niyang iyon. Agad kong inalis ang pagkakahawak niya sa akin. “What?!” asik ko.

“Why are you not accepting my friend request on Facebook?” he asked… as if it was a fucking big deal.

“E, sa ayaw ko! Kailangan ba kitang i-accept?!” singhal ko.

Agad ko na siyang pinagsaraduhan ng gate. Dali dali akong pumasok sa loob ng bahay. Napahawak ako sa dibidb ko nang isara ko na ang pinto ng silid ko.

Fuck him!

I tried relaxing myself first… It took me a while. I sat on the bed and stroked my hair. I looked at the canvas beside my bed. I sighed and clenched my fists.

I just couldn’t throw this shit away.

Tumayo ako at pasimpleng sumilip sa bintana.

I froze when I saw Evron… He was talking to Russ… I bit my lower lip and stared at them. I’m dying to know what they were talking about.

Russ said something… Evron was stunned. Tumalikod na rin si Russ at akmang aalis pero agad siyang hinawakan ni Evron sa braso.

Agad kong isinara ang window blinds… Hindi ko na kayang saksihan kung ano pa ang mga susunod na mangyayari.

Nanghihinang napaupo ako sa sahig at napasabunot sa sarili kong buhok.

I bit my lower lip so hard that it bled… My hands were shaking.

I’m fucking jealous. I’m so damn jealous… Evron still loves him, right? Imposibleng mawala na lang ng ganoon ang nararamdaman niya kay Russ.

What did they talk about? Gusto makipagbalikan ni Evron?

I shook my head. I could feel my vision becoming blurry because of tears trying to escape from my eyes… I took my phone in my pocket and called our coach’s number.

He immediately answered the call.

“Hey, Rhiatt! Kumusta na?!”
he asked.

I licked my lower lip before I spoke. “Coach, I’ll go back practicing… I think I’m perfectly fine now,” I muttered.

I will just fucking avoid Evron… as much as I can.

Chapter Thirty-Three

“Wow, p’re! Back to practice ka na?” tanong ni Connor habang panay ang kain ng sandwich.

Uminom ako ng tubig saka pinatunog ang buto ko sa leeg. Ngayon na kaagad ako babalik sa practice… I just no have time to waste. I want distractions… I want to stop thinking of him…

“Okay ka lang?”

Natigilan ako sa malalim na pag-iisip nang tapikin ni Leander ang balikat ko. I cleared my throat and nodded.

“I’m okay. Kinakabahan lang ako… Baka hindi na ako kasing galing ng dati dahil matagal tagal din akong napahinga,” sabi ko na lang saka muling uminom ng tubig.

“Sus! Kayang kaya mo ‘yan, dude! Ikaw pa ba?” si Connor.

Hindi na ako kumibo pa at kinuha na lang ang susi ng kotse ko. Tiningnan ko ang sarili ko… I’m wearing a white jersey. Nagsuot ako ng black jacket.

Tinapik ko ang braso ni Leander. “Umalis na rin agad kayo rito, ha… Lock niyo ‘yung gate,” sabi ko na lang saka iniwan na sila roon.

Lumabas ako saka binuksan ang gate. Pumasok na ako sa kotse ko saka agad na pinaandar iyon palabas ng garage. Nang mailabas ko na ang kotse ko, lumabas ulit ako para isara ang gate. Sina Leander na lang ang maglo-lock no’n kapag umalis na sila.

Natigilan ako nang lumabas si Evron mula sa bahay niya. Napailing na lang ako at hindi na siya kinibo pa. Agad akong naglakad patungo sa kotse ko, pero natigilan ako nang agad siyang lumapit sa akin saka humawak sa braso ko.

“Rhiatt…”

Inalis ko ang pagkakahawak niya sa akin. I opened my car door, but he held my arm again. Iritadong nilingon ko siya.

“What?! I’ll be fucking late on my practice game,” iritadong sabi ko na lang.

“You’ll go back to playing basketball?” he asked.

Hindi ko siya sinagot at agad na pumasok sa loob ng kotse ko. Agad kong pinaharurot iyon paalis… Mabigat ang pakiramdam ko. Sinilip ko siya mula sa side mirror. He was still standing there.

What the fuck does he want from me? Bakit ba kailangan niya pa akong pansinin o kausapin kung si Russ lang naman ang kailangan niya?

I just want to stop hoping for things that will never happen… I just want him to stop giving me false hope… It is so damn hard to avoid him.

But I just wanted to draw a line… If he can’t be mine, then I don’t want him in my life at all. Ayoko ng kaibigan ko lang siya. Ayoko ng kapitbahay ko lang siya… I want him mine. I want him to love me… If he can’t give me that, then he should just stop trying to be in my life.

I gripped the steering wheel hard. I wasn’t this needy before. I wasn’t this desperate… I don’t know what he did to me. I don’t know what’s with him that he made me like this.

“Fuck! Si anger nandito na!” sigaw ni Hugo nang makita ako.

Naghiyawan ang teammates ko at agad akong sinugod. Nairita ako at pinagtutulak sila dahil pinagkaguluhan nila ako. Ginulo nila ang buhok ko, ‘yung iba, binabatukan pa ako.

“Gago!” asik ko saka siniko si Kinu nang i-headlock ako.

“Gago, nakakamiss naman ‘tong ungas na ‘to!” excited na sabi ni Noah saka umakbay sa akin.

Lumapit sa amin si coach. “Sure ka bang kaya mo na, Rhiatt?” tila nag-aalalang tanong niya.

Ngumisi ako at tumango. “Minamaliit mo ba ako, coach?”

“Tanginang yabang talaga ni gago!” si Hugo.

Napailing na lang ako at nagsimulang mag-stretching para sa practice.

The moment we started practicing, I somehow forgot the things that had been on my mind… Kahit papa’no, hindi ko gaanong naiisip si Evron…

I really do enjoy playing basketball. This is something that I enjoy more than architecture. Ayoko siguro ng parang nape-pressure ako.

“Okay, water break!”

Agad akong umupo at kumuha ng bottled water. Akmang bubuksan ko na iyon, pero natigilan ako nang may mag-abot sa akin ng tubig.

It was a small guy wearing a small pink shirt and baggy jeans. Bahagyang namumula ang mukha niya… I remember him. Siguro dahil madalas siya magsuot ng pink. I just don’t remember his name. May crush daw ito sa akin. Madalas ko siyang makita na nagtatangka lumapit sa akin pero hindi naglalakas loob. Ngayon lang siya naglakas loob na lumapit sa akin.

“Gago, baka magsungit na naman ‘yan si ungas,” bulong ni Hugo. Hindi ko alam kung bulong ba ‘yon dahil rinig na rinig naman.

Tumayo ako at nagpunas ng pawis gamit ang towel. Ngumiti ako sa kaniya saka tinanggap ang tubig.

“Thanks…” sabi ko na lang saka binuksan ang tubig at ininom iyon.

Nakita ko ang reaksyon ng teammates ko mula sa peripheral vision ko. Napaawang ang mga labi nila, tila hindi makapaniwala.

I looked at the guy who gave me water. Pulang pula ang mukha niya.

“H-hi, Rhiatt. I-I’m Kyren. I’m your huge fan…” sabi niya saka inilahad ang kamay.

I accepted his hand and smiled at him. “Thanks, Kyren. Your outfit looks cute by the way.”

Mas lalong namula ang mukha niya. “Oh my gosh!” Pinaypayan niya ang mukha gamit ang mga kamay.

Natawa naman ako sa reaksyon niya. He seems genuinely happy interacting with me.

“P-pwede ba kita i-hug? Uhm… Walang 10 seconds promise,” sabi niya saka itinaas pa ang kanang kamay.

I chuckled. “I’m sweaty though… do you mind?”

He aggressively shook his head. “I don’t mind at all!”

Agad siyang lumapit sa akin at yumakap. Agad din siyang lumayo at impit na napatili.

“T-thank you so much! Last na… Pwede tayo magpicture?” he asked.

I nodded. “Sure…”

Muli siyang napatili at nagmamadaling kinuha ang phone niya. Muntik niya pang mabitiwan iyon dahil bahagyang nanginginig ang kamay niya.

We took a picture. Kyren squealed as if he couldn’t believe it.

“T-thank you talaga, Rhiatt. I love you!” sabi niya saka agad na kumaripas ng takbo paalis. Natisod pa siya.

I chuckled and shook my head. He looks cute.

“Fuck?”

Natigilan ako at napatingin kina Hugo. Pati sina Noah na kaninang naglalaro, napatigil. Nakatingin silang lahat sa akin.

“What happened to you, dude?” Lumapit sa akin si Kinu at sinapo ang noo ko.

Iritadong inalis ko ang kamay niya. “What the hell?!”

Hugo cupped my cheeks. “Dude? Hindi ka na homophobic?!”

Naiinis na inalis ko ang mga kamay niya. “Tangina! Bibigwasan ko na kayo, e!” Pinunasan ko ang pawis sa batok ko. “Hindi na… Hindi ba halata? Nag-grow na ‘ko,” sabi ko na lang saka umupo.

Umupo sila sa tabi ko para maki-usyoso.

“Seryoso ba, p’re? I mean, I’m happy for you. Medyo natatakot lang ako baka hindi pala ikaw si Rhiatt. Baka alien ka lang,” sabi ni Ciro.

Tumigil sa pagpa-practice ang iba at lumapit sa amin. Si coach wala na lang nagawa at naki-usyoso rin.

Kahit naman may sapak ang mga ‘to, sa totoo lang genuine naman ang mga ‘to. Si Hugo, Noah, Kinu, Ian, Lance, Axel, Ciro, Kieran, Lucien, Oliver, at Aldrin. Bukod kay Leander at Connor, sila ang kilala kong tumagal sa ugali ko.

“Tangina naman… Masama bang magbago?!” asik ko. Naiirita ako. Demonyo ba ang tingin nila sa akin?

“Pwede naman. Nakakagulat lang,” sabi naman ni Oliver.

If I could just apologize to every person that I hated just because of their sexuality, I would do it in a heartbeat.

I sighed and shook my head. Fuck. I was so stupid back then. Why would I fucking hate someone just because of their sexuality? That’s so stupid… and immature.

Napangiwi ako at napahawak sa balikat ko. Natigilan si Hugo at agad na lumapit sa akin.

“Hoy, p’re. Okay ka lang?” tanong niya.

“Okay lang,” sabi ko na lang. Medyo sumakit lang… pero hindi naman sobra.

“Magpahinga ka muna, Rhiatt. Nabigla ka yata sa practice. Kanina ka pa rin naman nagpa-practice. Umuwi ka na muna,” sabi naman ni coach.

Agad na tumayo si Hugo. “Hatid na kita, dude. Baka himatayin ka riyan sa daan,” OA na sabi niya.

“May dala akong kotse,” sabi ko na lang saka tumayo.

“Okay lang. Ako na magd-drive. Tapos commute na lang ako pabalik.”

Hindi na ako kumontra. Parang gusto ko na ring magpahinga. Nabigla rin yata ako sa practice.

“Dapat hindi mo muna binigla ang sarili mo, p’re…” sabi ni Hugo habang nagd-drive.

Napabuga ako ng hangin. “Yeah… I think so too,” I muttered. I was too desperate to forget Evron even just for a couple of hours.

“Parang may nagbago talaga sa’yo…”

Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. “What?”

“What happened to you during your break? Bumait ka yata,” tila natatawang sabi na lang niya.

Tumingin ako sa labas… Ate Rhianne was right all along. I would only understand things if it happened to me.

It’s just too bad I had to fall in love with a man first before realizing how horrible I was as a person…

It’s not too late to change things though… Right? I really wanted to improve. I want to be kinder and gentler to the people whom I misunderstood. I hope it’s not too late.

Pagkarating namin sa bahay. Kinuha ni Hugo ang susi ng gate sa akin. He opened the gate then got back in the car. Ipinasok niya sa garage ang kotse ko.

Lumabas na kami ng kotse. Inihatid ko na siya sa labas ng gate.

“Thanks, Hugo. Libre na lang kita next time, p’re,” sabi ko saka tinapik ang balikat niya.

Napangisi si Hugo saka tumango. “Aasahan ko ‘yan, ah… Uhm, by the way… I have a question, if it’s too personal, you can choose not to answer…”

“Ano ‘yon?” tanong ko.

“So… you’re open minded on homosexual relationships now?”

Natigilan ako sa tanong niya. I wasn’t expecting that.

I grinned and nodded. “You can say that…”

Napatango si Hugo. “How about you?”

Napakunot ang noo ko. “Huh?”

“I mean… you… Is it possible for you to be in a relationship with a man?” he asked.

Natigilan ako. Hindi ko alam ang isasagot sa tanong niya. It was all of a sudden. Hindi ko inaasahan na magtatanong siya ng ganiyan sa akin.

Hugo shook his head. “Oh… Forget about it. So… I gotta go now. Bye!”

Kahit hindi pa rin ako maka move on sa biglaang tanong niya kanina. Ngumiti na lang ako at tumango.

“Bye, dude. Thank you ulit sa paghatid.”

Umalis na rin agad si Hugo. Nanatili akong nakatayo sa gate habang napapaisip… Hindi ko pa rin maisip kung bakit biglang tinanong ni Hugo iyon.

“Rhiatt…”

Natigilan ako nang mapatingin sa kabilang gate… Nandoon si Evron at nakatayo. Fuck. Muntik na akong atakihin sa puso dahil sa gulat… Para siyang guard na may hinihintay.

Hindi ko siya pinansin. Akmang papasok na ako sa loob pero agad siyang lumapit sa akin. He stopped me from closing the gate and went inside.

“Tangina, Evron! Feeling mo ba ikaw na rin si Leander at Connor?!” asik ko at tinulak siya.

He held my wrist. I looked at his face… He seemed serious… and pretty mad.

“Who’s that guy earlier?” he asked in a demanding tone.

“Teammate ko sa basketball! Bakit ba kailangan mong malaman?!” asik ko.

Agad ko siyang tinalikuran at pumasok sa loob. Tangina. Ayoko munang makipag-usap sa kaniya.

He followed me inside my house. He gripped my arm and made me face him. “He likes you…”

Natigilan ako. Napakunot ang noo ko. “Si Hugo?! Gago ka ba?! Straight pa sa straight ‘yon!”

“He likes you, Rhiatt. I’m sure of it,” mariin pang sabi niya.

I poked the insides of my cheek with my tongue. I sighed and stroked my hair. “Okay… Let’s say that he likes me… So, what? Let him like me… Ano ba ang pakialam mo roon?! Why do you act like a fucking jealous husband when you have Russ?!”

His jaw clenched. He held both of my arms and pulled me closer to him. “Why do you always have to bring up Russ?”

“Because you love him! Ano pa ba?!” asik ko at itinulak siya.

“Do you think I will be here if I still love him, huh?” tanong niya sa mariing boses. “Now you answer me… Are you going to marry your ex-girlfriend or will you choose to be with that man earlier?” tanong niya.

“Why do you fucking care?! If I end up marrying Diantha or be with Hugo… It’s fucking up to me!” I laughed bitterly. “I might as well confirm Hugo’s feelings for me. I have to confirm that first… Who knows?! I might end up liking him and—”

He cut me off by grabbing my nape and crushing his lips on mine.

Chapter Thirty-Four

R-18 / Read at your own risk!

---

He cupped my cheeks and moved his lips. Tila nakalimutan ko na rin ang lahat… Ang inis ko, ang frustrations ko… My mind was fixated to this moment.

I’ve been wanting this. His lips on mine.

He moved his lips… It was so tender and gentle… as if he’s savoring every corner of my lips. I gripped his shirt. My knees were so weak. Mukhang naramdaman iyon ni Evron. He switched our position. He pinned me against the door, but he didn’t stop kissing me.

This was different among other kisses that I experienced in my life. My heart was about to explode. My heart was beating so fast… My whole body was shaking. I never felt this weak against someone. It felt like he had control over my body.

My knees weakened even more when I felt his warm tongue caressing my lips. It was so fucking addicting. I’m so fucking hungry for his kiss.

I started moving my lips and kissed him back with equal want. I gripped his shirt harder. Tila masisira na iyon… But he didn’t seem to care.

He gripped my jaw. “Open your mouth… I wanna taste your tongue,” he whispered.

I obeyed him, like a fucking submissive fool. I opened my mouth. He hungrily put his tongue inside. I groaned and gripped his shirt harder. I heard him groan when our tongue touched. He sucked my tongue as if his life depended on it. I could taste milk and mangoes on his tongue… It was so fucking addicting.

“I can’t believe this delicious mouth says swear words everyday… Damn,” Evron whispered. He bit my lower lip and sucked it.

He touched my chin and opened my mouth again. He devoured my tongue. He sucked it… I could feel my saliva streaming down my chin. I gasped when he ran his tongue on my chin, as if he wasn’t willing to waste anything at all. I could feel my whole face heating up… I was breathing heavily, too, but I couldn’t stop him from kissing me… because my body wants this so damn much.

My mind was hazy. Tila nawawalan na rin ako ng ulirat. Napaungol ako at napahawak sa tiyan ko. I’m so damn hard… Pakiramdam ko kakawala na sa jersey shorts ko ang pagkalalaki ko.

Evron seemed to feel that. I gasped when he touched my manhood. I gripped his shirt harder… until it finally ripped.

Fuck!

“Tangina…” mariing mura ko.

Evron didn’t seem to care at all. He just removed his ripped shirt and threw it on the floor, revealing his ripped and muscular body.

He kissed me again. This time, it was more aggressive. He was biting and sucking my lips harder this time. I moaned when he continued rubbing my hard on.

“I can’t get enough of you… Ah, damn… I want you to spit on my mouth,” he muttered… as if he was so damn addicted.

Mas lalong nag-init ang mukha ko. This was something I never expected from him. He always seemed prim and proper to me… I never expected that he had this freaky side.

His tongue invaded my mouth again. His tongue explored almost every corner of my mouth. I could feel our saliva mixing… and I felt so damn drunk. Lasing na lasing ako sa mga labi niya. Pakiramdam ko masisiraan na ako ng bait.

Evron stopped kissing me and looked at me. He bit his lower lip while staring at my whole face, as if it satisfied him.

“You look so… damn hot,” he whispered. “I wanna devour you so damn bad.”

I gasped when he suddenly lifted me up. He gripped both of my thighs. I hugged his nape for support. He pinned me against the door again and then buried his face on my neck in that position… I was bothered because I know that I’m heavy… Pero hindi siya mukhang nabibigatan.

He started kissing my neck. I gulped and hugged him tighter. He nibbled on my neck, then he started sucking my skin. I was bothered because I’m sure I smell like sweat.

He sucked my neck. I gripped his hair, trying to move his face away from my neck.

“F-fuck you! Stop leaving a mark!”

Evron looked at me. His heavy-lidded eyes look so hot and attractive. He looked like a sex-starved man.

“Why can’t I?” he asked… then he licked my neck.

I moaned when he started rubbing his hardness against mine.

I gulped and pushed him a little, then I looked down. Napaawang ang mga labi ko. His bulging manhood was covered with sweatpants, but damn… I could already see how huge it was… Hindi naman biro ang size ng sa akin, pero tangina. Iba ang sa kaniya. It’s a fucking weapon!

“Rhiatt… I’m losing my shit right now,” he muttered and sucked my neck again.

He continued leaving marks on my neck while rubbing his hardness against mine. I was breathing heavily while gripping his hair. Hindi ko alam kung naranasan ko na bang tigasan nang ganito… My abdomen fucking hurts because I was so turned on.

Evron moaned and continued rubbing his against mine. My lips parted. I feel like passing out. This was too much… We were not even having sex yet but I’m already losing my mind.

He stopped pinning me on the door and held my back. Naglakad siya patungo sa couch. He sat on the couch and he made me sit on his lap. Nasa magkabilang gilid niya ang mga hita ko habang nakaharap ako sa kaniya.

He grabbed my nape and kissed me on the lips again. Pakiramdam ko namamanhid na ang mga labi ko dahil sa tindi niya humalik.

He touched my hardness and gently rubbed it against my jersey shorts. I moaned and gripped his broad shoulders.

“Rhiatt… I want to touch you…” he groaned.

I nodded. His lips went down to my neck. He pulled the garter of my shorts down, revealing my hard manhood. Evron looked at it… I saw him licked his lower lip.

He spitted on his palm, and then he gripped my hardness. I gripped his shoulder harder and bit my lower lip.

Napatungo ako, pero agad na hinawakan ni Evron ang panga ko. He made me look at him.

“Let me see your face…” he whispered.

This was so damn embarrassing… but I lost all my strength. My lips parted when he started moving his hand up and down.

“Fuck! E-Evron! Ahh…”

Evron bit his lower lip while staring at me, watching my expression. “Ah, that’s it…” he muttered. “That’s the expression I’m dying to see… Let me see how much you want me, Rhiatt.”

He moved his hand faster. My eyes were half-closed. I feel like passing out… The pleasure was clouding my mind. I’m not new to sexual activities… but this was the most intense one that I’ve experienced to the point that my whole body was quivering.

“Tangina… E-Evron…” I moaned his name.

Evron looked down. He looked at my hardness. He touched the tip with his thumb… He spitted on my hardness before moving his hand even faster.

“E-Evron… Lalabasan na ‘ko…” ungol ko at napakapit nang mahigpit sa balikat niya. Namumula na iyon sa lakas ng pagkakakapit ko.

It made him excited and moved his hand faster. Kahit na malaki ang sa akin, sa laki ng kamay niya, halos masakop niya iyon. My head fell back. I felt like I was already seeing stars above my head.

My knees quivered even more. My eyes dilated and my toes curled when I finally came… It all splattered on his abs, up to his broad chest. Some of it even went to his chin and lips.

Evron licked his lower lip… tasting me. I looked at him. He was breathing heavily. He looked so damn hot with all of that all over his body.

Natigilan ako nang matauhan. Nanginginig na umalis ako sa kandungan niya. Sa sobrang taranta ko pa ay nahulog na ako sa sahig. Agad na tumayo si Evron at inalalayan ako… Pero agad ko siyang itinulak.

Fuck! What did I just do?!

Chapter Thirty-Five

“Fuck! Fuck! What the fuck did I do?!” tanong ko saka napasabunot sa sarili kong buhok.

I immediately pulled my shorts up and looked at Evron with a horrified expression. Tangina!

Nagmamadali kong kinuha ang damit ni Evron na nasa sahig at inihagis iyon sa kaniya.

“F-fucking wipe that!” I shouted and pointed to his stomach.

“Don’t you even have a tissue?” he muttered and wiped his body.

Naiinis na sinabunutan ko ang sariling buhok saka tumingin nang masama sa kaniya. “Fuck you! Why the fuck did you do that?!”

Evron sighed and took a step closer to me, but I immediately stepped back.

“Tangina! ‘Wag kang lalapit!” asik ko.

Evron nodded. He sat on the center table, manspreading. He stared at me and rested his elbows on his thighs. “Okay, hindi ako lalapit…”

“W-why the fuck did you let that happen, huh?!” I shouted.

Evron licked his lower lip. “Because I want it… I want to kiss you and make you cu—”

“Stop!” agad kong pagpigil sa sasabihin niya. “Fuck! I’m losing my mind…” I muttered and gripped my hair harder.

Evron stared at me. He slightly tilted his head. “Why? You didn’t like it?” he asked.

And damn! He looked like a sad puppy.

“M-mahalaga ba ‘yon?!” asik ko.

Lumapit ako sa kaniya at hinila siya patayo. Nagtatakang tumingin siya sa akin habang hinihila ko siya.

Akmang bubuksan ko ang pinto, pero agad niyang hinawakan ang kamay ko.

“Are you sure you want me to leave your house looking like this?” he asked and pointed to his naked upper body. “Are you sure, Rhiatt?” he asked… as if he was teasing me.

Napakagat ako sa ibabang labi ko. Tumingin ako sa wall clock… 5 p.m. pa lang. Malamang mayroon pang mga tao sa labas… I don’t want him to be seen going out of my house naked. Baka kung ano pa ang isipin nila!

Or maybe I just don’t want him to be seen by other people looking like that?

Napailing ako. Humawak ako sa kamay niya at hinila siya papunta sa kuwarto ko.

Nagpatianod siya sa akin hanggang sa makarating kami sa kuwarto ko. Panay ang tingin niya sa paligid… Ngayon pa lang yata siya nakapasok sa kuwarto ko.

Binitiwan ko ang kamay niya. Nagtungo ako sa closet ko para maghanap ng damit na ipapahiram ko sa kaniya.

“I’ll let you borrow my shirt… Hindi ko alam kung kasya sa’yo ‘to.” I took my biggest shirt. Sana magkasya ito sa kaniya.

Nilingon ko si Evron. Natigilan ako nang mapansing nakatayo siya sa tapat ng sketch ko na larawan niya. Naiiritang lumapit ako sa kaniya. Kinuha ko ang canvas at itinalikod iyon. Napakuyom ako sa kamao ko nang tumingin siya sa akin.

He grinned. “I love your sketch… Can I have it?” he asked, staring at me.

“B-bayaran mo ‘ko! No to free art!” asik ko saka inihagis sa kaniya ang shirt. “I drew that for you to pay me!” pagdadahilan ko.

Lumapit siya sa akin. Napalunok ako at napaatras… Napangisi siya habang patuloy na naglalakad palapit sa akin… habang ako naman ay atras nang atras.

“How much should I pay for your beautiful art?” he whispered. “How should I pay you?” he asked.

Am I just imagining it… or was he really teasing me?

Nanginginig na kinuha ko ang canvas at inabot sa kaniya.
“Tangina! S-sa’yo na nga ‘yan!” asik ko.

Evron chuckled and put the canvas back on the stand. “Just kidding. Keep it… Baka kailangan mo makita ‘yan araw-araw…”

Naiinis na sinuntok ko ang dibdib niya. “Tarantado! Kapal naman ng mukha mo!”

“Seriously, I won’t judge. Take your art materials. You can draw me right now. What pose do you want?” he asked and held my hand and pulled me closer to him.

Naiinis na itinulak ko siya. “Gago! Tanga ka ba?!” singhal ko.

“It’s your time for your fantasies about me to come true…” pang-aasar pa niya.

“I don’t have fantasies about you! I don’t even like you!”

Sumeryoso ang mukha ni Evron. “Why? Who do you like? That man earlier?” he asked. There was a bit of bitterness in his voice.

“Siraulo ka ba?” naitanong ko na lang. “At sigurado ka bang gusto ako no’n?! Tangina, straight kaya ‘yon!”

“I’m sure… He was looking at you as if he wanted to kiss you…” he muttered. “At hindi pa ba halata… He asked you if you’re willing to be in a same-sex relationship.”

“Baka naman curious lang siya… Malisyoso ka, ‘no?!”

Lumapit siya sa akin. “So, ano? Are you interested in him too?” he asked.

“Tropa ko lang ‘yon!”

“So, who do you like then?” he asked.

Is he asking me because he doesn’t know… or is he asking me because he knows?

“You like me… right?” he asked. “I was trying so hard not to think that way… because like you said, you’re straight…”

Napalunok ako. Ikinuyom ko ang mga kamao ko at napaiwas ng tingin sa kaniya.

“But why did you let me kiss you? Why did you let me touch you? Pleasure you?” he asked. “I was trying so hard not to think this way… but you’re always, always… making it obvious.”

I bit my lower lip as hard as I could. Damn! Yara was so damn wrong… Evron was not naive at all. He was observant too. He knows shit…

“G-Gago…” sabi ko na lang at agad na lumabas ng silid ko.

Agad akong nagtungo sa sala at napahawak sa leeg ko. Para akong nahihirapan huminga.

Sumunod sa akin si Evron. He was wearing my shirt now. Medyo masikip iyon sa kaniya, pero maayos namang tingnan sa kaniya.

Agad ko siyang tinalikuran, pero humawak siya sa braso ko at hinila ako palapit sa kaniya. “Let’s talk about this, Rhiatt…”

Napabuntonghininga ako at hinarap siya. “Ano pa ba ang pag-uusapan natin?! Mahalaga ba kung totoo ‘yon o hindi?! Hindi ka ba makakatulog kapag hindi mo nalaman! Wala na akong pakialam sa gusto mong isipin… Bahala ka na! Just fucking leave me alone!”

Evron gripped my arm harder when I was trying to let go from his grip. He stared intently at me… I don’t know what he was thinking.

“Nagseselos ka… kay Russ?” tanong niya.

Natigilan ako at napalunok. Naramdaman kong nanginginig ang mga tuhod ko dahil sa kaba…

He also noticed that?

“I talked to Russ last night… Because I wanted to confirm something…” Bumaba ang kamay niya. “To tell you honestly, Rhiatt… I have feelings—”

Natigilan kami nang bumukas ang pinto.

“Rhiatt… Bakit nakabukas ang gate mo?” tanong ni Leander. Siya lang mag-isa… hindi kasama si Connor.

Binitiwan ako ni Evron. He sighed and licked his lower lip. “I want to kill your friends so damn bad, Rhiatt…” he muttered.

Napalunok ako at agad siyang tinulak. “U-umalis ka na…”

Saglit na tumitig sa akin si Evron bago napabuntonghininga. Umalis na rin siya… at naiwan kaming dalawa ni Leander dito.

“Dude. Ano’ng ganap? Bakit namumula ka?” tanong ni Leander.

Agad na umakyat ang kaba sa dibdib ko. Napalunok ako agad na nagtungo sa kusina para sundan niya ako roon.

“Bakit palaging nandito si Evron?” tanong pa ni Leander.

Kumuha ako ng tubig at agad na uminom. Pakiramdam ko tuyong tuyo ang lalamunan ko.

“Rhiatt…”

Natigilan ako at lumingon kay Leander na seryosong nakatingin sa akin.

“Tell me honestly… Ano’ng meron sa inyo ni Evron?” tanong niya.

Napaiwas ako ng tingin. “I was just… helping him with Russ,” pagdadahilan ko na lang.

“No… I really sense something different…” he muttered. “Do you have feelings for each other?” tanong pa niya.

I nervously chuckled. “Oo, galit…”

I became even more nervous when Leander didn’t laugh.

Leander remained staring seriously at me. “No… I mean… romantically. Is he the one you like?”

Chapter Thirty-Six

“Of course not…” I laughed. “Dude naman… What makes you think that?”

I was trying my best to act cool. Hindi ko maintindihan… Bakit sunod-sunod na ang mga taong nakakaalam tungkol sa nararamdaman ko kay Evron?

Damn. Probably because you were too obvious, Rhiatt.
A small voice in my head interfered.

Leander sighed and intertwined his fingers. He stared seriously at me. Minsan ko lang makitang seryoso si Leander… No. I’ve never seen him this serious.

“You like him… It’s obvious. Does he like you too?” he asked.

I awkwardly laughed and shook my head. “Wait, wait… Leander, wait… Why are you so sure that I like him?”

Leander sighed. “I won’t judge you, Rhiatt. Sino mang gusto mo… I won’t judge you. There’s nothing to judge about you liking a man… It’s okay. I just want you to be honest with me. You’ve been keeping this a secret… Now, I want to be the one you can talk about it with… because I will never judge you for that.”

Natahimik ako sa sinabi niya… Totoo ang sinabi niya na nililihim ko… and it must be really so nice to have someone to talk about it with. Gusto kong may mapagsabihan ng tungkol sa nararamdaman ko kay Evron. And I can’t even ask my friends about… I can’t even ask for their advice… I’ve been keeping it all to myself.

Lumapit si Leander sa akin saka humawak sa magkabilang balikat ko. Seryosong nakatitig siya sa akin. “You like him… Right?”

Napalunok ako at tumango. “Y-yes… I like him.”

Ang kaninang seryosong mukha niya ay napalitan ng ngiti. “That’s it… You can be honest with me. Napansin ko na naman. Sinasakyan ko lang si Connor sa pagkatanga niya… I’m waiting for you to open up to us. Pero mukhang nahihirapan ka… If you need someone to talk to about your feelings and frustrations, you can tell me. Don’t worry, hindi ko sasabihin kay Connor.”

I licked my lower lip and sighed. “Sorry, Leander… Nahihirapan lang ako. Alam niyo naman kung ano ako noon… Kahit ako hindi ko rin agad natanggap noong una… Pero wala, e. Hindi ko naman mapigilan.”

Leander tapped my shoulder. “It’s okay, dude. You don’t need to say sorry. Wala namang mali sa ginagawa at nararamdaman mo…”

I always knew that Leander was the most understanding among us. Mas mataas ang emotional intelligence niya sa amin. Minsan nahahawa lang talaga siya kay Connor. Pero siya ang alam kong pinaka matino sa amin… But I didn’t expect that he would easily understand and accept the fact that I like a man.

“So… Back to the most important question… Does he like you back?” he asked.

I awkwardly laughed and scratched my nape. “Well… You know that he’s Russ’ ex-boyfriend, right? I don’t think he has moved on…”

Leander’s eyes squinted. “What? Was he playing with you?”

Napakibit-balikat ako. “Ewan ko rin, e. Karma ko yata ‘to,” napapailing na sabi ko na lang.

“I will beat him up.”

“Don’t beat him up… I’ll beat you up if you do,” I warned him.

Leander laughed. “Wow, ha…”

I just chuckled and shook my head. It felt good. Magaan sa pakiramdam na alam na ng kaibigan ko ang tungkol sa nararamdaman ko… Siguro bu-bwelo pa ako bago sabihin kay Connor. Hindi ko alam kung matatanggap niya agad iyon.

---

Ungas: Rhiatt. Let’s meet.

Natigilan ako sa pagpupunas ng buhok ko nang mabasa ang message ni Evron… Oo nga pala. Hindi pa namin natapos ang huli naming pag-uusap.

Agad akong nag-reply sa kaniya.

Me: Pumunta ka rito sa bahay.

Ungas: I want us to meet somewhere. Kain tayo sa labas.

Natigilan ako sa message niya. Napakagat ako nang mariin sa ibabang labi ko… Bakit gusto niyang kumain kami sa labas?

I palpitated. I licked my lower lip and tried to calm myself first before replying.

Me: Bakit?

Ungas: Yung naputol nating usapan, itutuloy natin.

Me: Saan tayo magkikita?

Ungas: Susunduin kita.

Dali dali kong ibinaba ang phone ko at nagbihis. Nagsuot ako ng itim na polo shirt at relo. Tiningnan ko pa ang sarili ko sa salamin kung guwapo ako. Inayos ko ang buhok ko saka nagwisik ng pabango.

Sumilip ako sa bintana. Nakita ko si Evron na naghihintay sa labas. Napalunok ako at huminga nang malalim bago lumabas ng silid ko.

Panay ang ayos ko sa buhok ko habang palabas ng bahay. Naabutan ko si Evron na naghihintay sa akin katabi ng itim na kotse. He was wearing white fitted dress shirt. Nakatupi iyon hanggang siko niya. Nakabukas din ang unang dalawang butones no’n.

He looks so damn handsome. Sa kaniya lang talaga ako na-attract ng ganito.

He smiled at me. He opened the car door for me. “Get in…”

I tried to act unaffected and went inside his car. Kahit na nagpa-palpitate na naman ako… pinilit kong kumalma.

Napatingin ako kay Evron habang nagmamaneho siya papunta sa kung saan… He was quiet. Hindi ko alam kung ano’ng tumatakbo sa isip niya.

Ilang saglit pa, nakarating din kami sa tapat ng isang restaurant. Labas pa lang no’n, mukha ng mamahalin. Nagtatakang tumingin ako kay Evron, pero wala naman siyang sinabi. Agad siyang bumaba ng kotse at pinagbuksan ako.

Humawak siya sa kamay ko at hinila ako papasok sa loob. Hindi na lang din ako nagsalita at nagpatianod sa kaniya kahit na ang daming tanong sa isip ko.

Walang ibang tao pagpasok namin sa loob. Isa lang ang table na nasa gitna. Mukhang pina-reserve niya ang buong lugar.

Natigilan ako at lumingon sa kaniya. “Alam mong birthday ko ngayon?” tanong ko.

Natigilan si Evron at tumingin sa akin. “B-birthday mo ngayon?”

Tumango ako. “Yeah. May 21. That’s my jersey number, 21. You didn’t know?”

Umiling siya. “I didn’t know…” he looks horrified.

Natawa ako sa reaksyon niya. “That’s okay. Hindi naman talaga ako nagce-celebrate ng birthday.”

That’s true. Kapag birthday ko, natutulog lang ako. Kaya rin hindi nakalagay sa facebook ko ang birthday ko dahil ayokong malaman pa ng iba.

Pinaupo niya ako sa table. Tumingin ako sa kaniya nang umupo na siya sa tapat ko… I don’t know why, but I feel like he’s in a different mood. Mukha siyang bothered… na hindi mapakali.

What’s happening to him?

“Okay ka lang ba, Evron?” nakakunot-noong tanong ko.

Napansin kong tumingin siya sa phone niya bago siya tumingin sa akin.

Humawak siya sa kamay ko at tumitig sa akin. “I like you, Rhiatt…”

Natigilan ako. I didn’t expect him to tell me that all of a sudden. I blinked and laughed awkwardly.

“W-what? I mean… That was…”

“Iyon ang dapat na sasabihin ko sa’yo…” sabi niya sa mahinang boses. “…na gusto kita.”

Tumayo siya at lumapit sa akin… Napalunok ako habang nakatingala sa kaniya. Hindi ko alam… Iyon naman ang gusto kong marinig mula sa kaniya, pero bakit parang ang lungkot ng mga mata niya.

Natigilan ako nang yumuko siya at humawak sa magkabilang pisngi ko saka siniil ng halik ang mga labi ko.

Hindi ako nakagalaw. His lips were shaking against mine…

“R-Rhiatt?!”

Natigilan ako at naitulak si Evron nang marinig ko ang boses ni Mama. Napatayo ako…

Nakita ko sina Mama, Papa, mga teammates ko, si coach, pati si Leander at Connor. May iba ring tao na hindi pamilyar sa akin… They all looked shocked. May mga hawak silang balloons at cake. Napalunok ako. Naramdaman kong nanginig ang mga kamay ko.

“W-What are you doing, Rhiatt?! What’s the meaning of this?!” asik ni Papa saka itinuro si Evron.

Napalunok ako. Naramdaman kong nanginginig ang mga tuhod ko. Hindi ako makapagsalita.

What’s happening? What are they doing here?

Agad na nag-walk out si Mama na sinundan naman ni Papa.

“Uhm… Team, mauna na rin tayo. I-I think Rhiatt needs some time alone,” sabi ni coach.

I wanted to open my mouth and say something… but I couldn’t do it. Tila hindi pa rin nagpoproseso sa utak ko ang nangyayari.

Umalis na sina coach at ang teammates ko… Naiwan si Hugo. Nakita kong napabuntonghininga siya, bago umalis.

Naiwan ako at si Evron… pati ang kapatid niya na si Evan.

Evan was staring at me. Bumigat ang paghinga ko… Hindi ko pa rin maintindihan ang nangyayari.

Lumapit sa amin si Evan. His eyes were emotionless yet I can see the anger in them.

“Evan?” I muttered. “W-what’s happening?”

Evan looked at Evron. “Kuya… Thank you for your help.”

I looked at Evron. Nakita kong napalunok siya at napaiwas ng tingin.

What’s the meaning of this?

“So, Rhiatt… How does it feel becoming the one that you hate? You hate people like me, right?” Evan asked in a cold tone.

My lips shivered. “W-what?”

Evan grinned. “They’ve seen the real you. I even brought some of your fans… Wow, I still couldn’t believe you’ll swing that way, Rhiatt. Did you like my gift?”

“W-what the hell are you saying?” I asked. Hindi ko pa rin maintindihan… Ang gulo pa rin ng isip ko.

“I thought my plan would fail because I was never expecting that you’ll really like Kuya Evron,” Evan chuckled.

No. I’m starting to understand what’s happening… Maybe I was just denying it in my mind… Maybe I just couldn’t believe it.

They played with me… Evron too?

Evan glared at me. “Happy birthday, Rhiatt… How does it feel, huh? Ano’ng pakiramdam na gaguhin? Gaya ng ginawa mo sa’kin noon…”

Chapter Thirty-Seven

“E-Evan… A-are you pertaining to our college years?” I asked. My voice was shaking.

Evan bit his lower lip and clenched his fists. “Bakit? Nakalimutan mo na ba, ha, Rhiatt? Bakit? Kasi gano’n gano’n lang naman para sa’yo manakit ng ibang tao…” mariing sabi pa niya.

Napalunok ako at napaiwas ng tingin sa kaniya. Nanghihinang napakapit ako sa table… I was trying to remember what I did… What did I do for him to be this mad at me? Ano ba’ng ginawa ko para maghiganti siya sa akin ng ganito kahit na ilang taon nang nakalipas iyon?

“I-I… I have to go…” I stuttered.

Nagmamadaling lumabas ako ng restaurant. Akmang hahanap ako ng masasakyan pero agad na sumalubong sa akin si Connor at Leander.

Leander held my wrist and opened his car for me… Hindi ako kumontra at tahimik na pumasok sa loob ng shotgun seat. Agad na sumakay sa loob ng driver seat si Leander. Connor sat in the back seat.

Tahimik kaming tatlo sa biyahe. Nakatungo lang ako habang nakatitig sa mga kamay ko. Walang nagsasalita sa aming tatlo… It was a good thing. Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin…

Tila hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala sa nangyari. Ang daming tumatakbo sa isip ko.

Evron never liked me… Lumapit lang siya sa akin para tulungan si Evan na maghiganti sa akin… And Evan… he was so mad at me to the point that he did that… And I couldn’t remember what I did.

Ilang saglit pa, nakarating na kami sa tapat ng bahay ko. Agad akong bumaba ng kotse. Lumabas din si Leander at lumapit sa akin.

“Magpahinga ka na muna… Bukas mo na isipin ang ibang bagay. It’s your birthday today…”

Hindi ako nagsalita… Hindi ko alam kung kaya ko bang gawin iyon.

Napatingin ako kay Connor na hindi bumaba ng kotse. He was looking on the other side. He didn’t look at me.

Tumango na lang ako at hindi na nagsalita pa. Pumasok na ako sa loob ng bahay.

Mabigat ang mga hakbang ko habang papunta sa silid ko. Umupo ako sa kama. I saw my reflection in the mirror in my room.

I wanted to cry… but I couldn’t. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang una kong pagtutuunan ng emosyon. Kung si Evron… o si Evan… o ang mga magulang at kaibigan ko na nalaman ang totoo tungkol sa akin.

Nanghihinang humiga ako sa kama at napatitig sa kisame.

So Evron… never really liked me.

I chuckled bitterly… Right. If you think about it, it’s so strange. I was so sure he’s still in love with Russ… It’s impossible for him to like me all of a sudden.

I bit my lower lip. I stopped myself from crying as hard as I could.

Damn. I was a fucking fool.

---

“I like you, Rhiatt…”

Napangisi ako at tumingin kay Evan. Kinantyawan ako ng mga tropa ko.

Damn. He was not giving up. Ilang beses ko na siyang ni-reject. Minsan inaasar ko na siya para tantanan ako. I don’t know why he likes me that much.

Dapat talaga hindi ko na siya tinuruan no’ng nakita ko siyang nahihirapan sa isang topic. Hindi ko rin naman kasi inakalang bakla siya.

Evan wasn’t giving up… And an idea comes to my mind. Hindi ko alam kung tatalab ito para tantanan niya ako… But I’ll take the risk.

“Damn, bro, that’s evil.”

Napailing na lang ako sa sinabi ni Jerome, kaklase ko. “That won’t be too deep. Makakalimutan niya rin ‘yon,” sabi ko saka nagkibit-balikat.

“Evan… Let’s have a date,” I said and smiled at him.

Evan’s eyes widened. His face reddened. He looked at me as if he couldn’t believe it.

“R-really?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yeah. After class. Let’s meet at the restaurant in front of the school.”

I already planned everything. I had to ask help from our classmates.

Evan went to the restaurant. He was blindfolded. Inaalalayan siya nina Jerome. I told them to tell him that it was a surprise and he had to be blindfolded.

I was hiding on the counter. There was a woman sitting in front of him. It was our classmate, Janessa. I asked her a favor for this plan to work too. I bit my nail and slightly tilted my head. Nagtaguan na rin sina Jerome.

“C-can I remove the blindfold now?” Evan asked.

No one answered, so he removed it.

“Hi, Evan! Sige na, tayo na!” Janessa said and stood up, then he hugged Evan.

Evan was stunned. He looked really confused. Doon kami nagsilabasan sa pinagtataguan namin. Jerome and the others laughed, but I stopped them.

Evan looked at me. I could see the pain and embarrassment in his eyes…

I just had to do this.

“I’m not interested in you… I will never like you that way, Evan. But you can have Janessa instead,” I said and chuckled.

Evan didn’t say anything. Hindi siya nagwala o nagalit. He shed a tear, then he ran away. Nagtawanan sina Jerome pagkaalis niya.

I sighed and put my hand in my pocket. It didn’t feel good… I felt bad. But what can I do? He wasn’t giving up.

He stopped going to school after that. Nalaman ko na lang na nagdrop siya. Jerome and others teased me for that, saying that Evan dropped out because of me…

I didn’t make a big deal out of it. I don’t think he likes me that much. Makakalimutan din ni Evan iyon.

“Fuck!”

I licked my lower lip and stroked my hair. I felt like I just woke up from a horrible nightmare… But that nightmare wasn’t mine but Evan’s. I was thinking so hard last night… I was thinking so hard about what I did to Evan in the past… and now I remember it. 

Bumangon ako at napasabunot sa sariling buhok. Naaalala ko na. Why did I even forget about it?

I sighed when I felt tears escaping from my eyes.

I didn’t cry last night… when Evan revealed everything…

Ngayon lang ako umiyak… nang tuluyan kong naalala kung ano ang kasalanan ko kay Evan.

“Fuck…” I muttered as tears kept streaming down my face.

I found myself sobbing… I understand now.

I was a horrible person. How can I forget how badly I hurt someone? How can I hurt someone’s feelings and sincerity?

Nanghihinang napaupo ako sa sahig. Humagulgol ako at napatakip sa mukha ko. The guilt was too much… it was unbearable.

I was disheveled, with tears all over my face… but I still went to Evron’s house.

“R-Rhiatt…” Evron muttered while looking at me.

“C-can I talk to Evan?” I asked. “Please… L-let me talk to him.”

Evron let me in… He called Evan and told him to come. He didn’t tell Evan that I was here. Siguro alam niyang hindi pupunta si Evan kung malamang nandito ako.

I was quietly sitting on his couch, staring at the floor. His dog was staring at me too…

Evron didn’t say anything. He put a glass of water on the center table, as if he’s telling me to drink, but I didn’t move.

Nararamdaman kong tila hindi siya mapalagay… pero hindi ko na siya pinansin pa dahil hindi siya ang pakay ko.

Napatingin ako sa mga kamay ko nanginginig pa rin… Napapikit ako nang mariin nang muling pumasok sa isip ko ang mga alaala noon.

Natigilan ako nang dumating si Evan. Agad akong napatayo nang makita siya. Natigilan siya nang makita ako. Akmang aalis siya pero agad akong tumakbo palapit sa kaniya at humawak sa braso niya.

He pushed me away. “Ano ba?! Bakit ka nandito?! Gaganti ka sa ginawa ko?!” asik niya.

I shook my head. “N-no… No, Evan…”

Evan clenched his fists. “Tapos na ako sa’yo! Nakaganti na ako sa’yo! Leave me alone!”

I licked my lower lip as tears escaped from my eyes again. Evan was about to leave, but I held his wrist… Then I started kneeling in front of him.

Natigilan siya sa ginawa ko. Natulos siya sa kinatatayuan niya. He had an unreadable expression in his eyes… O siguro hindi ko lang matukoy dahil nanlalabo ang mga paningin ko dahil sa luha.

“I-I’m sorry, Evan… I-I’m really sorry…”

Chapter Thirty-Eight

“I’m really sorry… Evan… I-I’m really sorry… For the horrible things that I did back then. I’m really sorry for that. You don’t deserve that. I-I was a jerk. I-I was foolish. I’m really sorry…”

I looked at Evan. Tumingin siya sa ibang direksyon, pero nakita ko kung paano nagtakasan ang mga luha sa mga mata niya. His shoulders were shaking…

“F-for you it was just a forgettable moment… Siguro para sa’yo wala lang iyon… P-pero hindi sa akin, Rhiatt. It tormented me. I really, really liked you. No one talked to me but you did… Y-you helped me. My heart hoped for you. I sincerely and genuinely liked you… D-do you really have to play with my heart like that?”

I stood up and held Evan’s shoulders. I shook my head… “N-no… I shouldn’t have done that. I-I’m really sorry. I was an asshole… I-I’m sorry…”

“N-natakot na akong magmahal uli pagkatapos no’n, Rhiatt. Natakot ako sa lahat. I feel unlovable. I feel worthless… You made me feel all the negative feelings… I-I was slowly forgetting about it, but then I saw you again… In kuya’s gym. And you haven’t changed at all. You were still the jerk Rhiatt that I knew… I hate the fact that I liked someone like you and let you ruin my life. Siguro sa iba, mababaw lang… Siguro sa iba, wala lang. B-but it traumatized me, Rhiatt… Ang tagal bago ako nakausad… Every time I think about it, it still pains me…”

I closed my eyes tightly. I was sobbing… The guilt was killing me. My heart felt heavy… but I knew this was nothing compared to what Evan had gone through.

“I didn’t know what I did for you to hate me that much, Rhiatt… I didn’t know what I did for you to humiliate me like that… for you to hurt me like that… I don’t know what I did to deserve such treatment from you… Was it really wrong for me to like someone like you?”

Umiling ako. “N-no… W-wala kang ginawang mali. It was me. It was my fault… E-Evan… Please… Please let me make it up to you. I-I’m sorry for all the pain that I put you through. I’m sorry…”

Evan bit his lower lip and closed his eyes tightly. “I-I really can’t face you now, Rhiatt. I-I also felt bad for what I did to you… But I really can’t talk to you now… S-saka na natin ituloy ang pag-uusap na ‘to.”

Inalis ni Evan ang pagkakahawak ko sa balikat niya saka umalis. I cried harder… My heart was its heaviest. Thinking about what I did to Evan in the past makes me want to puke. It makes me want to hurt myself.

“R-Rhiatt…”

Lumapit sa akin si Evron. Inangat ko ang kamay ko… as if I was telling him not to get close to me.

“D-don’t… Just don’t…” I muttered. “J-just hate me too… Don’t be so kind to me. H-hate me too.”

Evron shook his head. For some reason… he seemed to be having a hard time too.

“I-I’m sorry, Rhiatt…” His voice broke. “I saw how Evan suffered before… He really liked you. After that incident, he never enrolled in any school again. H-he just worked as a freelance writer and didn’t interact with other people… He improved after having some friends. But his pain came back when he saw you at my gym. He locked himself in his room again… I-I don’t want to see my brother like that again… So that time… when he asked me for help… I agreed.” Evron bit his lower lip, as if he was fighting his tears. “I-I almost forgot about it… I really didn’t want to do it, Rhiatt. I know I shouldn’t be making excuses for what I did… B-but I just want you to know that as we spent time together, I was sincere.”

I licked my lower lip and wiped my tears. “I-I understand… I’m not mad at you. I’m not mad at Evan for what he did… for what you did… I’m mad at myself. I-I’m so mad at myself. I fucking hate myself…”

Evron tried to take a step closer to me, but I stepped back.

“I-I hated you at first… b-but you changed, Rhiatt…”

I shook my head. “N-no… P-please… Just don’t say anything at all.”

I just wanted to suffer like Evan did. I don’t hate Evan for seeking revenge. I don’t hate Evan for doing what he did… Because I deserve it. I deserve to suffer more than that. It wasn’t enough.

“J-just please… tell me… P-paano ako makakabawi sa kapatid mo?” I clasped my chest. “This guilt is killing me… I hate myself more because while I was enjoying my life… Evan carried the pain for years.” Napahagulgol ako ng iyak. “I-I fucking hate myself. What should I do? I-I don’t know what to do… P-paano ako babawi?”

Evron avoided his gaze… as if he’s telling me that he doesn’t know the answer to that question either.

“Rhiatt… You’ve changed. L-let’s just try to prove it to Evan. I’m sure he’ll understand. He will see you in the way I see you… The reason why I liked you and–”

“S-stop… No, Evron…” I looked at him. “You don’t like me. Y-you shouldn’t like me. Take it back…”

Natigilan siya. “R-Rhiatt…”

“Think of your brother… J-just fucking hate me.” I roughly wiped my tears. “Whatever we had for the past months… Forget it. Hate me like you did before…” Lumapit ako sa kaniya at kinwelyuhan siya. “What will your brother feel if you like someone who tormented him? Can you really take it? You like someone who hurt Evan… And be for fucking real, Evron… You don’t like me… You haven’t seen anything good about me. There’s nothing good about me… J-just stop… Mahigit isang buwan mo pa lang ako nakilala… Paano ko napalitan si Russ sa puso mo nang gano’ng kabilis? Ako? Ako na nanakit sa kapatid mo noon?”

Binitiwan ko siya. Ikinuyom ko ang mga kamao ko saka muling pinahid ang mga luhang nagtatakasan mula sa mga mata ko.

“I genuinely and truly like you, Evron… I-I think I’m in love with you. B-but I will take this as my karma… and I will get out of your life… So please do the same.”

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Damn! Rhiatt was gay all along?

I thought he’s homophobic though?

That was ironic and quite funny tbh HAHAHA

I read the comments about me on social media. Some people posted about what happened in the restaurant.

I put my phone on the bedside table. Hindi naman ako apektado sa mga komentong iyon tungkol sa akin… Siguro kung noon, oo. But I’ve changed. I don’t find liking a man embarrassing or disgusting anymore… They can say anything they want about me. I don’t care.

Kung pag-uusapan ang mga ginawa ni Evan sa akin… I don’t think it was enough. Hindi naman mahina ang mental health ko pagdating sa mga basher. Napipikon ako noon, pero ngayon, wala naman akong pakialam sa kanila. About my family, I really don’t mind them finding out my sexual orientation, kahit sa mga kaibigan ko. Kung siguro noon, mabo-bother ako… But right now, I just think it’s good that they found out, so that they won’t expect something from me.

About Evron, he’s the least of my concerns. I don’t hate him for what he did. Kung sa kapatid ko nangyari iyon, higit pa roon ang gagawin ko. I was hurt, yes… but he was still considerate. I couldn’t blame him for what he did.

It would be hard to forget my feelings for him… I don’t blame him for what he did… but I just want him out of my life. He’s the last person that I should think of right now.

Thinking about it, what Evan did wasn’t a revenge for me, but a wake up call… It made me realize things… a lot of things… things to learn from and reflect for. I know I’ve changed. But I was really an asshole back then. Evan didn’t deserve that.

I was just worried about the image of our basketball team. Nahihiya ako kina coach at sa teammates ko na nadamay. Nag-leave ako sa mga group chat namin kaya hindi ko rin alam kung kumusta na sila. I was too embarrassed to face them…

I stroked my hair and licked my lower lip. I don’t know if I should just lie-low… Pero naiisip ko naman sina coach. Parang hindi naman yata tama na iwan ko sila sa ere at magtago.

Napagdesisyunan ko na puntahan sila… I still have to clarify things with them. Dapat ko pa rin silang kausapin. Dapat ko pa rin silang harapin… kahit na nahihiya ako sa kanila.

Dumating ako sa court… May iilan ilang mga tao na nanonood doon. Natigilan si Hugo nang mapatingin sa akin. Natigilan din ang iba at lumingon sa akin.

I was so damn nervous. Ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko dahil sa kaba. Napalunok ako at napabuga ng hangin bago naglakas loob na maglakad palapit sa kanila.

They all stopped playing. Lumapit sila sa akin… pati si coach.

I gulped and forced a smile. I looked at them. “I-I’ll quit…” I licked my lower lip. “I-I’m really sorry about what happened. I will take responsibility for what happened… I will quit.”

They went silent for a moment. Tumingin ako kay coach. Sa kaniya ako pinaka kinakabahan. Kakaiba siya sa ibang coach. He never pressured us. He really cares about us. Parang mga anak na ang tingin niya sa amin. I felt bad for what happened. They didn’t deserve this.

Natigilan ako nang lumapit sa akin si coach. Humawak siya sa balikat ko. “So what if you like someone of the same gender? What does it have to do with your great basketball skills? Ano naman ang masama roon?”

Natigilan ako sa sinabi ni coach. My teammates smiled at me and showed their thumbs up.

“Wala kaming pake sa gusto mo, p’re… Ano’ng masama ro’n? Wala ka namang tinatapakang tao. Just like who you want to like… Mapa-babae man ‘yan o lalaki… Ano naman?” nakangiting sabi ni Noah.

I bit my lower lip. I felt like crying… I never expected them to accept it easily, because they knew me. Alam nila kung gaano ako kalala noon.

“Wala kang karapatan mag-quit, Rhiatt. Kung iyan ang dahilan mo kaya ka magq-quit, hindi ako papayag, Rhiatt…” sabi ni coach saka tinapik ang balikat ko.

“C-coach…” My voice broke.

“Gago, Rhiatt! ‘Wag ka madrama riyan, dude. Hindi mo bagay!” natatawang sabi ni Aldrin.

“Ibalik niyo na ‘yung Rhiatt na palaging galit… Kinikilabutan ako!” pang-aasar pa ni Ciro.

They all laughed. Tears escaped from my eyes… but I was laughing too. I was crying and laughing at the same time… I was so relieved. Natatakot ako na baka magalit sila sa akin… O iwanan ako… But they didn’t judge me at all.

Umakbay sa akin si Hugo saka ngumiti. “Do you want me to tell you a secret?” he whispered. “I’m bisexual…” he added.

My eyes grew wide. I looked at him with disbelief. “R-really?” I asked.

He nodded. “Yup. Hindi ko lang masabi sa’yo noon kasi siyempre, alam mo na… May pagka-homophobic ka no’n, e.”

I sighed. “Sorry, dude. It must have been so hard for you to have a friend like me.”

Hugo shook his head. “No, not at all. Okay lang naman… But I’m happy to see you grow. You’ve changed… We’re proud of you.”

I know I still have a lot to improve as a person… but I’m really willing to change for the better.

I WENT HOME after that. I texted Leander and Connor. Sila naman ang gusto kong makausap. Alam kong alam na ni Leander, pero gusto kong kasama pa rin siya.

Pag-uwi ko ng bahay, nandoon na sina Leander at Connor. Tahimik silang pareho na nakaupo sa couch.

Napabuga ako ng hangin bago lumapit sa kanila. They both looked at me.

Connor sighed. He poked the insides of his cheek with his tongue. He stood up and faced me.

“So… You’re gay now?” he asked.

I bit my lower lip. “I’m still confused, Connor… But yes, I like Evron… I like a man.”

Connor stroked his hair. “That’s quite ironic… But well, if you like him, what can we do?” he muttered. “But I’m sorry…”

Natigilan ako at napalunok. I was expecting this.

“I’m sorry, Rhiatt… I don’t know how to process everything. I’m not mad at you. I won’t judge or shame you for liking Evron… I was just… uncomfortable. I don’t know why. I’m sorry… but I don’t think we can still be friends.”

Connor’s words hurt me… Maingay si Connor at madalas makulit… but I really considered him as my friend, as a brother… But I have no choice but to respect his decision.

“I-I understand, dude… But if you want to talk to me again… o-or be friends with me again… J-just come to me.” My voice broke. I’m trying my best not to cry.

Connor nodded. He didn’t say anything after that and left. Leander stood up and went to me. Umakbay siya sa akin saka tinapik ang balikat ko.

“Maiintindihan niya rin, Rhiatt… He was just shocked. But I’m sure he’ll understand,” Leander muttered.

I really hope so. I don’t want to lose a friend like Connor.

---

“Damn,” I whispered while standing in front of my parents’ house.

I have no choice but to face them anyway. They still deserve clarification from me.

Nag-text na ako kay Papa bago ako pumunta rito… kaya pagpunta ko sa sala, naabutan ko silang pareho doon.

Nang makita ako ni Papa, agad siyang tumayo at lumapit sa akin saka sinuntok ako.

Napaatras ako at napahawak sa panga ko… I was expecting this. I would be lying if I said that it didn’t hurt. Masakit ang suntok niya… pero mas masakit ang dahilan kung bakit niya ako sinuntok.

“What have you done, Rhiatt?! Ano’ng kagaguhan ang ginawa mo?!” singhal niya.

I sighed and wiped the blood on the side of my lips. I looked at them. “I’m sorry… I like a man.”

Napahawak si Mama sa dibdib niya. Nilapitan siya ni Papa. Mukhang kakagaling lang sa iyak ni Mama.

“Sa’yo namin hindi inaasahan ‘to, Rhiatt! P-paano mo nagawa sa akin ‘to?!” tanong ni Mama. “A-alam mo namang nagkaganyan na rin ang Ate Rhianne mo!”

“Hindi ko rin naman po ginusto… Bigla na lang nangyari. Naghahanap din naman ako ng pagkakataon para sabihin sa inyo. Sorry… Mama, Papa… Lalaki ang gusto ko,” buong tapang na sabi ko.

Napapikit nang mariin si Mama at nanghihinang napaupo sa couch. Tumingin nang masama sa akin si Papa.

“Umalis ka ng pamamahay na ‘to, Rhiatt! Ayaw ka naming makita ng Mama mo! Umalis ka!” asik ni Papa.

Napabuntonghininga ako. Wala na akong nagawa at umalis na lang… I tried explaining, but they really can’t accept it. Siguro palalamigin ko muna. Alam kong hindi naman madali para sa kanila na tanggapin… Kahit anong pagpapaliwanag ang gawin ko ngayon, sa tingin ko hindi pa rin nila ako pakikinggan.

I dialed Ate Rhianne’s number. She’s been calling me but I just couldn’t answer her calls. Alam kong nalaman niya na rin ang tungkol sa akin.

Agad na sinagot ni Ate Rhianne ang tawag ko.

“Rhiatt! I’ve been calling you! Oh my goodness! Is that true?!”
bungad niya sa akin.

I chuckled. “Yeah. I like someone of the same gender.”

She gasped on the other line.
“Hindi ko akalaing magdi-dilang anghel ako!”
She laughed.
“So… how was it?”

“Well, it’s nice and painful at the same time…” I shook my head. “By the way… Ate Rhianne…”

“Yes? Bakit?”

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry for what I’ve said before, for judging you just because you fell in love with a woman. I’m really, really sorry, Ate…”

Saglit na natahimik si Ate Rhianne bago siya muling nagsalita.
“Papatawarin lang kita kapag binilhan mo ‘ko ng bag… Branded!”

“As many as you want… I’ll buy one for your girlfriend too. I want to apologize to her too,” I said, smiling.

“Aww, Rhiatt, my baby brother… I’m so proud of you.”

Natawa na lang ako at napailing. Nagpaalam na rin siya sa akin dahil may trial pa raw siya.

I sighed and  dialed Leander’s number after that. After a few rings, he answered my call.

“Hello, Rhiatt…”

I gulped before I spoke. “Leander… I need your help… Can you find a buyer for my house? Lilipat na ako ng bahay.”

Chapter Forty

I sighed and puffed on my cigarette as I stared at my house… Well, hindi ko na bahay ito once na makahanap na ako ng buyer.

I puffed again… When was the last time I smoked? Hindi ko na rin maalala dahil matagal na. Marami lang akong iniisip nitong mga nakaraan.

It was really hard letting this house go… But well. I just wanted to live somewhere quiet… Malayo kay Evron.

Tumingin ako sa bahay ni Evron. Ilang araw ko na siyang hindi nakikita. Hindi ko alam kung nakakulong ba siya riyan sa bahay niya o umalis.

Napailing ako at napapikit. Hindi ko na muna dapat iniisip ang tungkol sa kaniya.

“Nailipat na ang mga gamit mo sa bagong apartment mo, p’re… Ito na lang ang natitira,” sabi ni Leander saka itinuro ang mga gamit sa loob ng kotse ko.

Tumango ako saka tinapik siya sa balikat. “Salamat sa tulong, dude… Sige, alis na ‘ko.”

Napabuntonghininga si Leander saka tumango. “Hindi ka muna ba magpapaalam kay Connor?”

Umiling ako. “Hindi na… You can inform him though. Tell him about my new address.”

Leander smiled and tapped my shoulder. “Sure.”

Binuksan ko ang pinto ng kotse, pero bago ako pumasok, napatingin ako sa bahay ni Evron.

Umiling na lang ako at pumasok sa kotse ko. Napabuga ako ng hangin at napahawak nang mahigpit sa manibela.

I still have a lot to work on for myself… I should set less important things aside.

Malayo layo ang bagong bahay na lilipatan ko. Subdivision din ito, pero hindi ganoon karami ang nakatira. Napili ko ang lugar na iyon dahil maraming halaman at puno… I can draw and paint if I’m too stressed.

Matapos ang almost one hour na byahe, nakarating din ako sa bago kong bahay. It was not as big as my previous house, but it seemed neat. Sakto lang naman para sa isa o dalawang tao.

Pagpasok ko sa loob, nandoon na ang mga gamit ko. Tinulungan ako ni Leander na ipwesto ang mga iyon. Tinulungan naman ako ni Hugo na maglinis noong nakaraang araw. I don’t know what to do without them.

Ipinasok ko na ang mga damit ko sa closet. Inayos ko rin ang ibang dapat ayusin. Hindi naman marami ang gamit ko kaya hindi naman ako natagalan.

Nang matapos ako, agad akong umupo sa couch. Napabuga ako ng hangin saka tumitig sa kisame…

Tumingin ako sa phone ko. May mga text at tawag mula kay Mama. Binabasa ko ang mga iyon, pero hindi ko nire-reply-an. Sa ngayon, galit pa lang ang nararamdaman nila sa akin.

Sometimes, I just wanted to blame them for making me a hateful man… Minsan naiinis ako at sinisisi ko sila kung bakit ako naging ganito. Sometimes I think it was their fault why I became so hateful of things that shouldn’t be hated… But thinking about it, there are other people who grew up in a toxic family, but they still end up being kind… There are some children who grew up in a homophobic family, but they did not end up like their parents.

Siguro noong bata ako, sila ang responsable sa mga bagay na ipapasok sa utak ko… But I didn’t change as I grew up. Dapat alam ko na ang tama o mali, ang mabuti o masama… I should held myself responsible for the man that I become. Wala akong dapat sisihin kundi ang sarili ko lang.

Natigilan ako sa malalim na pag-iisip nang muling tumunog ang phone ko. I received a message from an unregistered number. Agad kong binasa iyon.

Unregistered number: Hi, Rhiatt. It’s me, Evan. Can we talk?

Agad akong napatayo nang mabasa ko ang message na iyon. Agad akong nagtype ng reply.

Me: Yes. I’ve been waiting for you to be ready to talk to me. Thank you.

Evan sent me the address. Hindi ako nag-aksaya ng oras. Agad akong nagbihis ng bagong damit at umalis.

Kinakabahan ako habang papunta sa meeting place namin ni Evan. I still feel guilty about what I did to him in the past.

Nang makarating ako sa park na pagkikitaan namin ni Evan, agad akong lumabas ng kotse ko. Nakita ko kaagad siya na nakaupo sa bench habang nakatitig sa mga bulaklak.

I took a deep breath. I tried to calm my shaking hands before I went to him. Natigilan naman siya at napatingin sa akin nang maramdaman niya ang presensya ko.

Napalunok ako at umupo sa bench na inuupuan niya, pero medyo malayo sa kaniya.

Saglit kaming natahimik. Pakiramdam ko nag-iipon pa siya ng lakas ng loob sabihin ang mga gusto niyang sabihin.

“Evan…”

Natigilan siya at lumingon sa akin.

I gave him a sad smile. “I’m really sorry… for hurting you… for causing you pain that you had to carry with you for the past years… You don’t deserve it all.”

Evan bit his lower lip and teared up. He closed his eyes and covered his mouth… then he started sobbing.

I wanted to touch his back… But I just stared at him. My heart felt heavy… I really feel guilty for hurting him. I hurt him when he never deserved it.

“R-Rhiatt…” Evan looked at me. Tears kept on streaming down his face. “I-I’m sorry, too… Kuya told me that you’ve changed… B-but I didn’t believe him and even threatened him that I would kill myself if we didn’t continue our plan… I’m sorry…”

Evron never told me that Evan threatened him like that.

“I-it would be much better for me if you didn’t change at all. I won’t feel guilty,” he said and gave me a sad smile as tears continuously escaped from his eyes. “I’m not that heartless, Rhiatt… After what I did… I-I really regretted it. When you apologized to me, when you kneeled in front of me… with the most sincere expression that I’ve seen from you… The guilt was ripping my heart apart. I-I really wasn’t that bad, Rhiatt.”

I smiled and nodded. “I-I know, Evan… I know. It was me who made you do bad things…” I teared up. I roughly wiped my tears and held his hand. “I’m really sorry… for breaking your heart… f-for all the bad things that I did.”

Napahagulgol ng iyak si Evan at humawak nang mahigpit sa kamay ko. “I-I’m so sorry… I-I was hurt… but it wasn’t a valid reason for me to hurt you too… I-I’m really sorry for playing with your heart and humiliating you… It was something that traumatized me and yet… I-I also did something like that to someone. I-I’m sorry, Rhiatt..”

I shook my head. “Y-you don’t have to say sorry, Evan… I’m fine… I’m okay…” I smiled at him. “Kung hindi mo ginawa ‘yon, hindi ako matututo… Meeting Evron changed my perspective… Yes, h-he might have played with my heart, but on the bright side… It made me the way I am now. I’ve learned the hard way… and I hate the fact that this had to happen before I learned my lesson… But I still learned something, and that’s what I’m thankful for. I’m thankful because I became a better person. I still have a lot to learn and improve for… but I’m better than before. That’s what I’m thankful for.”

Mas lalong napahagulgol ng iyak si Evan. I could see the guilt in his eyes. I pulled him into a tight hug and cried with him.

“Y-you deserve to be loved, Evan. You deserve genuine love. You deserve to heal. You’re a good person. You won’t be here and you won’t be guilty for what you did if you’re not… It was me who made you do bad things…” I hugged him tighter. “T-thank you for letting me apologize to you. Thank you for hearing me out. Thank you for apologizing to me even though I don’t deserve it.”

Evan shook his head. “N-no… Y-you deserve my apology, Rhiatt. I’m really, really sorry… Thank you for changing into a better person… You deserve genuine love too.”

I bit my lower lip and cried harder. When was the last time I cried this hard? I also don’t remember anymore…

Kumalas si Evan sa pagkakayakap sa akin saka ngumiti. Pinahid niya ang mga luha niya. “I will let go of the pain in my heart… I will do my best to forgive you and forgive myself. I-I’ll go to Switzerland… Babalik na ako sa pag-aaral… I will live a better life. I will be happy. I will find someone to love… someone who will love me deeply… D-do you think I still deserve it?”

I nodded. “Yes… You deserve it, Evan… I-I’ll be so happy if you do that. Please… Please be happy, Evan. You deserve it.” I smiled even though tears kept streaming down my face.

I felt so much better. Pakiramdam ko may malaking tinik na natanggal sa puso ko. It was not because he will try his best to forgive me… it was because he finally decided to live a happy life.

“I-I’ll post something to clear your name on social media… Will you let me do that?” Evan asked.

I smiled and shook my head. “You don’t have to do that. There was nothing shameful about what they discovered about me… I like a man, yes… and what about it?” I asked with a smile on my face.

Evan smiled too. “You became even more charming, Rhiatt… I might fall for you again.”

I chuckled. “I really like your brother though…” I sighed and held his hand. “Don’t worry… I will forget about Evron. I will stop loving him… He doesn’t deserve me either. And I don’t think I can continue letting him in my life.”

Evan shook his head. “No… It was him who’s not deserving of you…”

I smiled. “You’re too kind, Evan.”

Evan shook his head. “No, Kuya Evron really has feelings for…” he stopped… and then he shook his head. He sighed and smiled at me. “Right… You shouldn’t let him in your life again.”

What’s important to me now is that Evan’s planning to start a new life.

About Evron… I won’t be having him in my life again.

And I fucking mean it.

Chapter Forty-One

Evron Vance Gallegos

Ever since then, I really never find women attractive… I mean, in a way that I wanted to have a relationship with them.

When I was a kid, I played with toy guns and robots… I was never interested in toys that girls play with. Maybe that’s why my parents never expected me to be gay. Hindi ko rin naman alam iyon tungkol sa sarili ko. At first, I thought I was asexual. Hindi naman ako nagkakaroon ng interes sa mga pag-ibig na ‘yan. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit. Sabi nila noong bata ako, abnormal daw ang walang crush… Pero hindi ko alam… Wala lang talaga akong crush.

“Mahal, tingnan mo ‘tong grades ni Evron,” sabi ni Tata kay Nana.

Tiningnan ni Nana ang grades ko. Natawa siya nang makita iyon.

“Grabe, ‘nak. Puro palakol.” Napahagalpak ng tawa si Nana.

Sila lang yata ang magulang na hindi nagagalit kahit mababa ang grades ng anak.

I don’t really excel academically. Isa lang ang mataas na grade ko. Sa PE lang. Bata pa lang, mas malakas na ako kumpara sa iba kong kalaro. Mas matangkad din ako… Kaso mataba ako. I was so fat as a kid. Madalas akong ma-bully dahil mataba ako. Hindi ako napatol sa mga kaklase ko dahil ayoko silang saktan… It made me the way I am today. Hindi ako marunong makipag interact, at wala rin ako masyadong kaibigan dahil sa naranasan ko noong elementary. Lumaki akong introvert at mahiyain.

Noong nagbinata ako, doon ako natuto mag-gym. I became interested in strength related sports. But I was never interested in studying. I don’t like Math, Science… I don’t like subjects that I have to think so hard about. Ayoko ng nag-aaral.

“Tingnan mo ang kay Evan…” sabi naman ni Tata.

Napasinghap si Nana nang makita ang card ni Evan. Evan was different. Hindi man siya malakas tulad ko, pero matalino siya. Mahina lang siya sa Math, pero magaling na siya sa lahat ng subject. Magaling din siya mag-drawing.

Our parents immediately knew that Evan was gay. Open si Evan kina Nana. Madalas siyang magkwento tungkol sa mga nagiging crush niya na lalaki.

Nana and Tata were okay with that. Walang kaso sa kanila kung ano man ang sexual orientation namin. Minsan ay kinikilig pa sila kapag nagkukwento si Evan sa crush niya.

Our parents were open minded and supportive. We love them so much for that.

When I turned college. I really had a hard time. Halos pasang awa na nga lang ako noong high school, tapos college pa na mas mahirap ng maraming beses kaysa noong high school.

Tumigil ako sa college. Hindi naman kumontra sina Nana at Tata roon. Nagtraining ako para maging fitness instructor. Nag-aral din ako ng iba’t ibang martial arts para maging trainee.

Evan studied architecture. He had good grades. Pero mababa ang grades niya sa mga Math related subjects. The bad thing was that the architecture program has a lot of Math related subjects.

He was pretty stressed… But then one day, I saw him in a really good mood.

“Kuya Evron… T-tinuruan ako ng kaklase ko sa topic na hindi ko maintindihan,” he said with a smile on his face.

I chuckled. “You have a crush on him?”

Evan bit his lower lip and nodded. “He inspires me to go to school everyday.”

I was happy seeing Evan happy. Mukhang inspired na inspired siya sa crush niya dahil ginaganahan din siyang mag-aral.

Pero hindi nagtagal iyon… He went home crying one day.

Hindi namin siya makausap. Ilang araw siyang nagkulong sa kuwarto. Hindi rin siya gaanong kumakain at ayaw niya nang pumasok sa school. We were all worried about him, but he wasn’t telling us his problem.

After almost three months of locking himself up in his room, Evan finally talked to us.

“I-I like him so much… B-but he humiliated me, Kuya… He played with my feelings. H-he made a girl hug me. Our classmates were watching. They were all laughing at me.”

I clenched my fists and closed my eyes tightly. Seeing Evan cry pained me too. Ang laki ng ipinayat niya. Mahaba na rin ang buhok niya dahil ilang buwan siyang hindi lumabas.

“Tell me his name… I will teach him a lesson!” I shouted.

Evan shook his head. “N-no… D-don’t do that. Please, kuya…”

I wanted to see that boy who made Evan like this… I wanted to teach him a lesson, but Even didn’t want me to. I don’t know his reason… Sadyang ayaw niya lang ba na may magawa akong kung ano… o baka ayaw niya lang na saktan ko ang lalaking nanakit sa kaniya.

“What’s his name?” I asked.

“R-Rhiatt… Rhiatt De Roxas…” he whispered.

I never forgot that name… because Evan was never the same after that boy named Rhiatt hurt him.

Hindi na siya nakipagkaibigan. He worked as a freelance writer, nasa bahay lang. Hindi na uli siya nagkaroon ng interes magkagusto sa iba. Kinulong na lang niya ang sarili niya sa mga nagdaang taon.

It pained me seeing him that way. We tried making him meet new friends but it wasn’t working.

Nagbago lang siya nang kaunti nang may maging kaibigan siya online. Nakipag-meet siya sa mga kaibigan niyang iyon, at kahit papaano, nag-improve si Evan. Nakakalabas labas na siya at nag-e-enjoy kasama ang mga kaibigan niya.

Napanatag na ako kahit papa’no.

I became a weightlifter for a short time as I didn’t really pursue it… Nagpatayo na lang ako ng sarili kong fitness gym. Nakapagpatayo rin ako ng mga martial arts training center.

I could become a professional boxer since I did boxing and I was really good at it, but I wasn’t comfortable being known by many people. Ayoko ng nakikilala ako ng mga tao. I don’t like popularity at all.

Hindi ko rin naman gustong maging sobrang yaman. Sakto lang. ‘Yung kaya akong buhayin at ang magiging pamilya ko sa hinaharap.

I had quite a boring life, but then I met Russ.

I met him when their team needed a trainer for two months.

We had little conversations at first, then we started exchanging numbers.

When I realized that I was starting to like him, I wasn’t scared or anything. Kung ano man ang sexuality ko, hindi naman ako natatakot. I like Russ. That’s it. Whether I’m gay or not didn’t really matter to me.

Russ was my first love… and my first boyfriend.

I really, really liked him. He was kind and gentle. He was soft-spoken… He was almost perfect.

We had a happy and secured relationship… pero ilang buwan lang ang itinagal namin. Russ broke up with me.

He said he wanted his parents’ approval… He had to sacrifice our relationship.

It hurt me… but I didn’t force him to be with me and choose me. I respected his decision even though it broke me.

“To be honest with you, kuya… I think he broke up with you because you were too boring.”

Natigilan ako sa sinabi ng pinsan kong si Yara.

“W-why? Am I really boring?” I asked.

I had no close friends, and most people say I have no personality. That confused me. I really just don’t like interacting that’s why I like animals more than people. I’m just really shy most of the time…

Yara nodded. “Oo, Kuya Evron… Boring. You’re too kind. You’re such a gentleman too.”

“So… being kind makes me boring?” I asked.

I never knew I was kind. Suplado nga ang tawag sa akin ng iba. I like donating to charities, I like helping stray animals, I like helping people in need… Mabait na ba ako agad no’n? I just like doing it because it satisfies me.

Yara nodded. “You’re too kind, too healthy, physically and emotionally… you’re too understanding, too soft… Grabe, naiintindihan ko kung bakit na-boring-an si Kuya Russ.”

Is that so? “Should I be a bad boy then?”

Natawa si Yara. “Paano ka magiging bad boy?”

“I will eat a take-out food in a restaurant,” I muttered.

Yara laughed so hard. Napahampas pa siya sa hita niya. “Grabe, you’re such a loser, Kuya!”

Ah. I know that. I’m really a loser. Is that so bad? I just like doing things my way. I just want a quiet life. Is being a loser that bad?

I guess I really wasn’t attractive and charismatic.

I never had a boyfriend again after Russ. Nagfocus na lang ako sa pagpapatayo ng panibagong gym. I focused on working my ass off so that I would be distracted.

Paminsan minsan palihim pa rin akong nanonood ng mga game ni Russ. Pero hindi ako nagpapakita sa kaniya.

“Rhiatt!”

Natigilan ako sa pagdidilig ng mga halaman ko nang marinig ko ang pamilyar na pangalang iyon.

I saw two guys called another tall guy. My forehead creased and stared at him.

May dumaan kaming kapit-bahay, dalawang babae, hindi ko kilala… Kahit nahihiya ako, kinalabit ko ang isa. Napapitlag naman sila at gulat na napatingin sa akin.

“A-ako ba, Evron?” tanong ng isang babae.

I was shocked that she knew my name… pero hindi ko na lang pinagtuunan ng pansin iyon.

“What was the name of that tall guy?” I asked and pointed to the tall guy in between his two friends.

Napakurap ang babae at itinuro ang lalaki. “Si Rhiatt? Bakit mo natanong?”

Natigilan ako. Rhiatt… I remember. Iyon ang pangalan ng lalaking sumira sa buhay ni Evan.

“W-what was his full name?” I asked again.

“Rhiatt De Roxas? Hindi mo kilala. Player ng Averlands iyan. Professional basketball player,” sabi naman ng babae.

Natigilan ako. Siya nga iyon… Siya si Rhiatt De Roxas na tinutukoy ni Evan noon.

The woman looked weirdly at me. “Gay siya, ‘di ba? Type niya yata si Rhiatt,” she whispered to the other girl beside her. Hindi ko gaanong narinig, pero hindi ko na pinansin pa.

Napakuyom ang kamao ko habang nakatitig sa Rhiatt na iyon… He was my neighbor all along…

The arrogant look on his face pisses me off… The fact that he’s the one who made Evan miserable made me instantly hate him.

Chapter Forty-Two

For the past months, I kept on looking at him every time he went out. He never noticed me. Tahimik lang din naman ako rito… Mukhang wala rin siyang pakialam sa ibang bagay… Naalis siya nang maaga at nauwi ng gabi. He was always practicing.

I stalked his social media accounts. May mga fan page din para sa kaniya. I couldn’t help but to get even more mad. He’s living his best life… but my brother suffered in the past years.

It was so unexpected… but he suddenly went to my gym. He acted cocky and tried to flirt with my employee.

I was scared, because he saw Evan… And he even tried to bully Evan again. It made me hate him even more.

Umalis na si Evan pagkatapo no’n. I was worried about him… and then my parents called me. Evan was locking himself up in his room again… As if something triggered him… and that’s Rhiatt.

For the past few days, Evan kept locking himself up in his room. Our parents were worried that they had to call me and check up on him.

Evan let me talk to him.

He was staring at the window… I sighed and held his hand.

“Evan…”

He looked at me. Namumugto pa ang mga mata niya.

“He will only understand me if it happens to him…” he whispered.

“What do you mean?” I asked him.

“I mean… If I humiliate him like he did to me in the past… If I played with his feelings… he would know what it feels, right?”

I sighed and tapped his hand. “Evan… Hindi ikaw ‘to. You’re kind and gentle. You don’t have to stoop that low for someone who’s not willing to change.”

Evan shook his head. “I just… I want him to feel the same way. I-I want him to go through this too… C-can you help me, kuya?”

Natigilan ako sa tanong niya. I licked my lower lip and gulped. “Evan…”

“He thinks that you like him… I heard it from your neighbors… I know Rhiatt and how his brain works… He thinks every gay person that he encounters has feelings for him.” Evan nodded. “That’s it… You can try it, kuya. Why don’t you try making him like you?”

I nervously chuckled. “That’s ridiculous, Evan. I’m not a woman… and Rhiatt’s clearly straight. There’s no way he’ll like me.”

Evan held my hand and sniffled. “J-just try it, kuya. Kapit-bahay mo siya… P-palagi mo siyang makikita. Mas madali ‘yon, ‘di ba?”

I looked at him and sighed. He really seemed desperate.

I nodded. “Okay… I won’t promise you anything though.”

Sinabi ko lang iyon para mapanatag ang loob niya… But I really don’t see reason for Rhiatt to like me. It was so ridiculous.

After a few interactions with Rhiatt, he really assumed that I like him. Hindi ko alam kung saan niya ba nakuha ang ideyang iyon. Kahit ano’ng pagtanggi ko, hindi siya naniniwala.

It was really pissing me off… but sometimes I find it amusing. It was amusing in a way that he was really assuming that I like him… I still don’t know where he’s getting all that confidence.

Sumilip ako sa bintana ng bahay ko. I saw Rhiatt and his friends. Nasa loob pa sila ng gate at nagbubulungan. I crossed my arms while staring at them.

I just felt like they were planning something. Mariin kong itinanggi kay Rhiatt na gusto ko siya… He might wanted to confirm it.

I went inside my room. Kinuha ko sa malaking box ang mga pictures namin ni Russ. Inilagay ko iyon sa bedside table at sa drawer. Naglagay rin ako ng picture namin sa sala.

I sighed and took one picture and stared at it. “Sorry, Russ… if I’m using you this way. I just want him to realize that I don’t like him at all…”

I’ve moved on with my past relationship with Russ. Though sometimes I’m still watching his game. I’m still concerned about him. Gusto kong malaman kung ayos na ba siya sa pamilya niya. He was just too kind… Siguro ang nararamdaman ko sa kaniya ay matinding concern. He deserves good things. I knew what he went through in his life.

I was right. Rhiatt did some dirty tactics to get in my house… and I let him. He saw the pictures that I set for him to see.

He really seemed shocked. Nakahinga na ako nang maluwag. Now, he won’t assume that I like him again.

I told him things about Russ. I usually don’t lie, but I acted like an ex-boyfriend who’s still madly in love with his ex.

Damn. Sorry, Russ.

Rhiatt mentioned that he looked like Russ… I saw the resemblance, a little bit, but I think they looked way too different. I don’t see a little bit of Russ in Rhiatt and vice versa.

Rhiatt’s reaction was amusing to me… He really seemed shocked, embarrassed… and disappointed.

Inalis ko rin ang mga pictures at ibinalik sa box nang umalis si Rhiatt. While I was doing that, I heard my doorbell rang… and it was Rhiatt.

“P’re sa totoo lang hindi naman ako ganoon kagago… Una, sorry sa mga kagaguhang ginawa ko sa’yo… Para makabawi, naisip kong tulungan ka.” Ngumisi siya. “Tutulungan kita kay Russ… Ano, payag ka?”

I stared at him… I don’t know what got into me… and I agreed.

I never felt this excitement in my life. He was amusing… He was always mad… It was irritating and amusing at the same time.

Pilit niya akong inilalapit kay Russ. It was kinda awkward because Russ seemed uncomfortable. Hindi ko alam kung tama bang pumayag ako sa gusto ni Rhiatt.

He was even convincing me to do horrible things like locking me up with Russ in a house… Saan niya ba nakukuha ang mga ganiyang ideya?

His plan happened to us… Kami ang na-lock sa gym. Inis na inis siya sa nangyari. I was quite nervous too… pero naaaliw ako sa reaksyon niya. Kulang na lang sumabog siya sa inis. Pinipigilan ko na lang matawa kapag nakikita siyang nagbu-burst out.

Ayoko talaga sa mga taong maingay o palaging galit… But Rhiatt was quite amusing for me.

But he can really be insensitive sometimes.

We talked about Russ and what he went through. He seemed pretty mad about the fact that Russ was still kind to his parents… May mga nasabi siya na hindi ko nagustuhan.

He was about to punch me, but I pushed him. I panicked a little when he was about to fall down so I held his arm… but that was a wrong move because we accidentally kissed.

I don’t know what to feel about it. He seemed really horrified… so I acted like it disgusted me too. I was trying my best not to laugh… His reactions were really funny.

We just slept after that… But when I woke up, I noticed that he had a fever.

I took care of him. Halos hindi siya makalagalaw. Kahit na naiinis ako sa kaniya, nag-aalala pa rin naman ako.

Natulog na siya ulit. Siguro talagang masama ang pakiramdam niya. Nalaglag ang wallet niya mula sa bulsa ng shorts niya. I took it and was about to put it in his pocket, but it opened. Natigilan ako nang mapatingin sa picture ng bata na nasa wallet. The child was smiling while wearing his school uniform.

I gulped. I have never forgotten this child…

Marahan kong tinapik ang balikat ni Rhiatt para gisingin siya. He slightly opened his eyes. He was still breathing heavily due to fever. I felt bad waking him up, but I had to do it.

“I-ikaw ba ‘to, Rhiatt?” I asked and showed him the picture on his wallet.

Rhiatt nodded. “T-that was me…” he muttered in a hoarse voice… then he closed his eyes again.

Nanghihinang napaupo ako sa couch at napatitig sa picture… This boy… was Rhiatt?

Chapter Forty-Three

“Kakainin mo ba kami, Evron?!” tumatawang tanong ng kaklase ko.

Nagtawanan sila. Hindi ako nagsalita at patuloy sa pagkain ng paborito kong rolled bread. Nagpunta na ako rito sa garden ng school para hindi nila ako tuksuhin, pero sinundan pa rin nila ako.

Dalawa sila. Hindi ko maalala ang pangalan nila dahil wala naman akong kaibigan sa klase. Pero palagi nila akong pinagdidiskitahan.

Hinablot ng isa kong kaklase ang tinapay na hawak ko. “Amin na ‘to! Sobrang taba mo na tapos kain ka pa nang kain!”

Kinuha nila ang bag ko at kinuha rin ang mga pagkain na pinabaon ni Nana sa akin. Kinuha rin nila ang pera sa wallet ko.

Mas matangkad ako sa kanila… pero hindi ako napatol. Nasasaktan din naman ako sa tuwing ginagawa nila ito sa akin, pero lagi kong inaalala ng sinabi ni Nana na kahit mataba ako o payat, mabait naman ako at poging bata.

Napalunok ako habang kinakain nila ang mga baon ko sa harapan ko. Pinipigil ko ang sariling mapaiyak. Ayokong mag-alala sina Nana sa akin.

“Hoy!”

Natigilan sila nang may batang lalaki na lumapit sa kanila. May mga kasama rin siyang ibang bata. Hindi ko siya kilala. Sa tingin ko mas bata siya sa akin, siguro ka-edad siya ni Evan. Kung grade 5 ako, siguro grade 3 siya ngayon. 

“Hindi sa inyo ‘yan! Bakit niyo kinukuha?! Tinuruan ba kayo ng Mama niyo na magnakaw?!” matapang na tanong ng bata.

Nagkatinginan ang dalawang kaklase ko. Tumingin sila sa likuran ng bata. Alam kong lalaban sila kung hindi sila lugi. Maraming kasama ang bata.

“Oh, ayan na!” tila napilitan sabi ng kaklase ko saka ibinalik sa akin ang mga pagkain ko.

“Lagot ka sa akin mamaya,” bulong ng isa kong kaklase bago sila umalis.

Tumingin ang batang lalaki sa mga kasama niya. “Thank you, friends! Sinamahan niyo ‘ko! Bye!”

“Bye, Rhiatt!” sabi rin ng mga kaibigan niya at umalis.

Naiwan ang batang lalaki. Tumingin siya sa akin saka ngumiti. Natigilan ako at napaiwas ng tingin nang tumabi siya sa akin.

“Ang tangkad mo, dapat hindi mo hinahayaang awayin ka nila,” sabi niya.

Hindi ako sumagot at nagbukas ng bagong tinapay saka inabot iyon sa kaniya. Natigilan siya.

“Bakit mo ‘to binibigay sa’kin?” inosenteng tanong niya.

“S-salamat sa ginawa mo kanina…” bulong ko.

Ngumiti siya saka umiling. “Hindi na… Okay lang ako, busog na ako. Kainin mo ‘yan.”

Natigilan ako. “I-iniisip mo ba na kulang pa sa’kin? Dahil mataba ako?” tanong ko.

Natigilan siya. “Hindi naman… Baka gutom ka pa, e.”

Napaiwas ako ng tingin sa kaniya. “Bakit mo ako kinakausap? Baka may makakita sa’yong iba at iwasan ka rin.”

Natawa siya sa sinabi ko. “Bakit naman?”

“Mataba ako…” sabi ko saka humawak sa tiyan ko.

“Ano naman kung mataba ka? Si Mama nga, e, gusto niya tumaba raw ako para cute ako… Wala naman masama kung mataba. Ang cute mo kaya. Ang cute din ng tiyan mo,” sabi niya saka humawak din sa tiyan ko.

Napakurap ako at napaiwas ng tingin sa kaniya. Naramdaman kong nag-init ang magkabilang pisngi ko. Wala pang ibang bata na nagsabi sa akin na cute ako. Sina Nana at Tata lang, pati si Evan.

“Bukas sabay tayong kumain, ha. Para hindi ka nila awayin,” sabi niya saka ngumiti sa akin.

Natigilan ako nang may kinuha siya sa bulsa niya. Maliit na pokemon character iyon na kulay pink.

“Si Jigglypuff ‘yan. Sa’yo na lang. Favorite ko ‘yan! Kaso hindi ko pwedeng sabihin kay Mama kasi magagalit siya. Pambabae lang daw ang kulay pink,” sabi niya saka napanguso.

“P-pwede rin sa lalaki ang kulay pink,” sabi ko naman saka tinanggap ang pokemon na inabot niya sa akin.

Napangiti siya. Halos kumislap ang mga mata niya. “Talaga? Pwede rin sa lalaki ang pink?”

Tumango ako. “Oo… Kahit anong kulay, pwede sa lalaki man o babae.”

Ang ngiti niya ay napalitan ng lungkot. “Gano’n ba? Kaso hindi pa rin papayag si Mama. Kaya secret ko lang sa kaniya na may pink ako na laruan… Inipon ko ‘yun sa mga baon ko.”

Naawa naman ako sa kaniya. Kina Nana at Tata kasi, walang kaso sa kanila kung anong laruan ang gusto namin ni Evan.

Ngumiti siya sa akin. “Bukas ha, kakain ulit tayo rito. Ako ang bahala sa’yo!”

SIMULA NG ARAW na iyon, palagi kaming sabay kumakain sa garden. Hindi na ako nilalapitan ng mga bully basta magkasama kami.

Masaya ako na kasama siya. Mabait siya at palaging nakangiti. Palagi niya rin sinasabi na cute ako kahit na mataba ako. Siya lang nag nag-iisang tao na gusto kong kaibigan at gusto kong kasama maliban sa pamilya ko. Palagi na akong excited pumasok dahil sa kaniya.

Itinago ko ang pokemon na binigay niya sa akin. Binibigyan niya rin ako ng mga pokemon cards at pogs. Nahihiya ako dahil wala akong maibigay sa kaniya maliban sa mga pagkain na baon ko.

“Anak, bakit gusto mong dagdagan ko ang baon mo? Nagugutom ka ba lagi?” nag-aalalang tanong ni Nana.

Umiling ako. “N-naghahati kami ng kaibigan ko…”

Napasinghap si Mama. “M-may kaibigan ka na, ‘nak?”

Ngumiti ako at tumango. Yumakap sa akin si Nana at humalik sa pisngi ko. Kinurot niya rin ang mataba kong pisngi.

“Naku! ‘Wag kang mag-alala! Dadagdagan ko ang baon mo araw-araw!”

Nagpatuloy kaming ganoon. Magkasabay kaming kumakain… Sobrang saya ko palagi dahil nandiyan siya.

Pero isang araw… tumigil siya sa pagpunta sa garden. Sinisilip ko siya minsan sa room niya, pero wala siya roon. Isang linggo na siyang absent.

Nag-aalala ako sa kaniya. Tumigil na ba siya mag-aral dito? Nasa ibang school na ba siya? O kaya nagkasakit?

‘Wag naman sana.

Dalawang linggo siyang wala… Hanggang sa isang araw, nakita ko siyang naglalakad papuntang canteen. Napangiti ako nang makita siya. Agad akong tumakbo palapit sa kaniya.

Natigilan siya at napatingin sa akin. Napalunok ako nang mapansing tila may kakaiba sa kaniya. Tila mas pumayat siya.

“H-hello… B-bakit ngayon ka lang pumasok?” tanong ko.

Natigilan siya at tumitig sa akin. Bahagyang napakunot ang noo niya. “Sino ka?” tanong niya.

Natigilan ako at napaatras. Nagbibiro ba siya? Pero seryoso ang mukha niya… Mukha talagang hindi niya ako maalala.

“A-ako ‘to… ‘yung palagi mong kasabay k-kumain sa garden. May dala akong maraming pagkain,” bulong ko.

“Rhiatt! Tara na!”

Natigilan siya nang tawagin siya ng kaklase niya. Bahagya siyang ngumiti sa akin.

“Sorry ha. Baka nagkamali ka lang… Hindi talaga kita maalala…”

Pagsabi niya no’n agad na rin siyang umalis at lumapit sa kaklase niya.

Imposible. Imposibleng makalimutan niya ako. Nagpapanggap lang siya na hindi ako maalala… Bakit? Ano ang ginawa kong mali sa kaniya?

Napalunok ako habang pinapanood siya maglakad papalayo. Agad akong tumakbo paalis.

Pag-uwi ko, agad akong sinalubong ni Nana. Ngumiti siya at humalik sa noo ko.

Mula noon pa, hanga na sa akin sina Nana… dahil hindi ako iyakin.

“E-Evron, anak… B-bakit ka naiyak?” nag-aalalang tanong ni Nana saka humawak sa magkabilang pisngi ko.

Sa unang pagkakataon, napahagulgol ako ng iyak at yumakap kay Nana. Napaiyak din si Nana at yumakap sa akin kahit na hindi ko sinasabi sa kaniya ang dahilan kung bakit ako umiiyak.

Napayakap ako nang mahigpit sa kaniya. Patuloy ang pagtakas ng mga luha sa mga mata ko. Ang sakit ng dibdib ko na para bang paulit-ulit na inapakan iyon.

Wala na… Wala na akong kaibigan ulit.

---

Napangiti ako nang mapait habang nakatingin sa picture ni Rhiatt. Napabuga ako ng hangin at mabilis na pinahid ang luha sa gilid ng mga mata ko.

Tumingin ako kay Rhiatt na tulog na tulog pa rin.

“I have so many questions for you…” I muttered while staring at him. “B-bakit ka nagpanggap na hindi mo ako kilala noon?” My voice broke. “Ano’ng ginawa kong mali sa’yo noon?”

I never made friends, but I was easily attached to Russ before… because he reminded me of Rhiatt when we were kids…

I never considered the kid Rhiatt as my first love, because we were so young back then. Crush and puppy love… I never understood the concept of those things before.

But thinking about it… I started knowing who I really was when I met Rhiatt… I started to discover who I really want after spending a lot of time with him when we were kids.

I smiled bitterly while staring at Rhiatt.

“Are you my first love then? Huh, Rhiatt?” I muttered.

Chapter Forty-Four

“Hello po…”

Natigilan ako sa pag-aayos ng mga equipment nang lumapit sa akin si Russ Prodigalidad. Professional basketball player din siya.

I gave him a small smile and went back to what I was doing. Mukhang wala siyang magawa dahil pinapanood niya lang ako. I was weirded out but I didn’t say anything.

Pagkatapos no’n, umupo na rin ako sa bench. I took Jigglypuff’s pokemon in my pocket and played with it with my hand. Russ’ eyes widened.

“Wow. You like Jigglypuff too? He’s my favorite pokemon character,” he said while smiling.

Natigilan ako at napatingin sa kaniya. Hindi ko alam kung bakit bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. Napalunok ako at ipinakita sa kaniya ang maliit na laruan sa kamay ko.

“D-do you like this?” I asked.

Russ nodded. “Marami akong ganiyan no’ng bata pa ako.”

I wanted to ask him many things. Baka nagkataon lang…

“Saan ka nag-aral no’ng elementary?” I asked out of nowhere.

Natigilan si Russ sa tanong ko. Maybe he found it too random.

He scratched his nape before he spoke. “Uhm… Vendaville Elementary School… Bakit?” tila nagtatakang tanong niya.

Natigagal ako. Doon din ako nag-aral… Was it all a coincidence?

I stared at him… Tinitigan ko nang maigi ang mukha niya. Pilit kong inaalala kung magkamukha sila ng batang iyon…

Russ’ cheeks reddened. He avoided my gaze. “Uhm… W-why are you looking at me like that?”

“Did you like the color pink as a kid?” I asked.

His eyes widened and then he looked at me again. “H-how did you know that?”

I licked my lower lip. They have a lot of similarities.

“How old are you now?” I asked.

“24,” he answered.

And I’m 26… We’re two years apart… Just like that kid.

We started hanging out after that. Gusto kong itanong sa kaniya ang nangyari noon… Kung may alaala siya tungkol sa akin no’ng bata siya… Pero natatakot akong itanong. Baka hindi niya ako maalala… o baka hindi naman pala siya ang batang ‘yon.

Russ was kind and gentle. He was always smiling. He was kind to everyone.

And it gave me hope that maybe… he was really that kid.

I never opened it to him. I never asked him about it. I don’t want him to think that I only liked him because of that.

It was a factor… but Russ was really kind. Sinubukan ko na lang alisin iyon sa isipan ko. Kung si Russ man iyon o hindi… hindi ko na dapat isipin pa iyon.

---

Bakit si Rhiatt pa?

I never told Rhiatt about that… Maybe because it shouldn’t be a big deal anymore. I’m sure he wouldn’t remember it either.

Problema ko lang siguro na mas lalo akong nagkaroon ng soft spot sa kaniya nang malaman ko iyon. I didn’t want to… But I just can’t stop myself.

He started acting like a jerk again though…

“You fucking disgust me to be honest. I’m just doing this to do you a fucking favor… just for this to be done. Just because I talk to you doesn’t mean people like you no longer disgust me…”

It felt like a hard slap on my face. Kung ano man siya noong mga bata kami, iba na iyon ngayon.

I should stop holding on to that. That was many years ago. Ano naman kung si Rhiatt ang batang ‘yon? He was different now. He has become a horrible person.

I sighed and stared at the Jigglypuff pokemon toy that he gave me.

Is this still his favorite character though?

I opened my drawer. Nandoon ang lahat ng mga laruan na ibinigay niya sa akin noon. I still take care of it. Pinupunasan at hindi ko hinahayaang maalikabukan.

Kinuha ko ang trash can at itinapon doon ang mga laruang iyon. Napabuga ako ng hangin at itinapon din si Jigglypuff.

Pagkatapos kong itapon, lumabas na ako ng kuwarto ko para kumain… Hindi ako mapakali. My heart felt heavy.

Hindi ako nakatiis. Kinuha ko ang trash can at kinuha ulit doon ang mga laruang iyon. Pinunasan ko ang mga iyon saka muling ibinalik sa drawer.

Napabuga ako ng hangin. Humiga ako sa kama ko at napatitig sa kisame.

Thinking about it… Rhiatt really looks like that kid. They’re both cute… Well, iisa lang naman sila.

I did my best to avoid Rhiatt… Ayoko na lang din siguro ng ugnayan sa kaniya… Kung ano siya noon, iba na sa ngayon. I should just forget about him.

Pero siya naman ang lapit nang lapit sa akin… I don’t hate it though.

Noong nakita ko si Russ na lumabas ng bahay ni Rhiatt, agad ko siyang nilapitan at kinausap.

“E-Evron…” natigilan siya.

I smiled at him and waved my hand. “Hi, Russ…”

Napaiwas siya ng tingin sa akin. Alam kong hindi pa rin siya komportable. Malamang nagi-guilty pa rin siya sa pakikipag break niya sa akin noon.

“Russ… Don’t worry, I’m not mad at you or anything… I wanted to talk to you to clarify that. I know you’re still feeling guilty… But trust me, I’m not mad at you.”

Russ smiled. “You’re too kind for me, Evron…”

I chuckled. I shook my head. “Not really,” I muttered. I remembered how I showed our pictures off to Rhiatt just to make him realize that I don’t like him. Medyo nakonsensya naman ako. I felt like I used Russ in some kind of way.

“By the way, how are you? Kumusta naman ang parents mo?” tanong ko.

Russ bit his lower lip and shook his head. “Wala, e. Ganoon pa rin… I’m still trying my best to have their approval…”

Minsan napapaisip ako na suwerte na lang talaga namin ni Evan dahil mabait ang mga magulang namin… It was bare minimum, yes… Every parent should accept their child of who they are, especially when talking about their sexuality… Ang nakakalungkot lang, mas marami pa rin ang mga magulang na hindi matanggap ang mga anak nilang parte ng LGBTQIA+ kaysa sa mga magulang na open-minded.

I really believe that homophobic and abusive people shouldn’t even attempt to have a child… because they don’t know what their children will become… What if their child turned out gay? Or lesbian? Bisexual? Kung hindi aabandonahin, sasaktan naman… Isa lang sa dalawang iyon ang madalas nilang ginagawa.

Honestly, may point si Rhiatt noong sinabi niya na hindi na dapat pa humihingi ng approval si Russ sa mga magulang niya… Russ’ parents were too cruel on him… Pero ganito talaga ang pagkatao ni Russ. He was just too kind and forgiving… Those people didn’t even ask for his forgiveness.

Natigilan ako at napatingin sa pisngi niya na may dumi. Was it chocolate?

That triggered my anxiety. I wanted to remove it so badly. I moved my hand and touched his face. Nagulat naman siya sa ginawa ko at napapitlag. He removed my hand.

Nagulat din ako sa ginawa ko. “Oh, I’m sorry… May dumi… Chocolate yata?” I asked.

He gasped. “Ah, oo. Kinain ko ‘yung chocolate sa fridge ni Rhiatt… Meron pa ba?” tanong niya.

Tumango ako saka muling pinahid ang chocolate sa pisngi niya. Inalis ko na rin ang kamay ko pagkatapos.

“Uhm, by the way, Russ… May ipapakita pala ako sa’yo…” sabi ko na lang. “Okay lang tumuloy ka sa bahay?” tanong ko.

Tumango naman si Russ at pumayag. Pumasok kami sa bahay. Pinakita ko sa kaniya ang box na may mga lamang pictures namin.

“Uhm… I don’t know what to do with these pictures… Do you think I should just… throw it away? I hope you’re not offended,” sabi ko naman.

Russ touched his chin. “You can throw them away… I also did the same thing,” honest na sabi niya.

Tumango ako saka napakamot sa batok ko. I know these are memories… pero hindi naman ako sigurado. Baka magkaroon ako ng boyfriend sa future. Baka magselos pa siya kapag nakita ang mga ito.

Umalis na rin agad si Russ pagkatapos no’n. Lumabas ako at itinapon sa malaking trash bin ang mga pictures namin.

It’s not that I don’t treasure our memories… Pero tapos na kasi ang sa amin. Open ako ngayon na magkaroon ng ibang karelasyon… and I don’t want my future boyfriend seeing my old pictures with Russ.

Natigilan ako dahil si Rhiatt ang unang pumasok sa isip ko. Natatawang napailing ako saka marahang sinampal ang sarili kong pisngi.

That homophobic jerk?
Really, Evron?

No way.

Chapter Forty-Five

Natigilan ako nang tumunog ang phone ko. Tumawag sa akin si Tita. Kapatid siya ni Nana.

Agad kong sinagot ang tawag.

“Hello, Evron! Makikisuyo nga at pakisundo ang pinsan mo sa bar! Naku! Makukurot ko na talaga ‘yon! Puro bar ang inaatupag. Nasabihan ko na siya na susunduin mo siya…”

Natatawang napailing ako. “Sige po, tita.”

Agad akong umalis at nagtungo sa bar ni Yara. Akmang papasok na ako sa loob, pero natigilan ako nang lumabas siya sa bar… habang akay niya si Rhiatt na mukhang nakainom na.

Seeing them together made me mad. Naalala ko noong unang beses na nagpunta si Rhiatt sa gym ko. He tried to flirt with my employee… Did he do that to my cousin too?

“What are you trying to do with my cousin?” I asked him.

“W-wala… Wala kaming ginagawa,” Rhiatt said. He sounded so defensive. It pissed me off even more.

“You knew each other?” Yara asked.

“He’s my neighbor,” I answered.

Yara’s eyes widened. She looked at Rhiatt. “W-wait… Evron is the one you’re talking abou—”

Natigilan ako nang biglang tinakpan ni Rhiatt ang bibig ni Yara. Napakunot ang noo ko saka napahalukipkip.

I gripped his arm and pulled him away from Yara.

“What the fuck are you doing to my cousin, huh?” mariing tanong ko.

Natigilan na lang kami ni Yara nang bigla siyang nawalan ng malay. I immediately carried him like a sack and sighed.

Wala na akong nagawa kundi ang isakay siya sa kotse ko. Pagtingin ko sa paligid, bigla namang nawala si Yara. I called her many times but she wasn’t answering.

Napailing na lang ako at umalis na para ihatid si Rhiatt sa bahay niya.

Sinubukan ko siyang gisingin nang makarating kami sa bahay niya dahil wala naman akong susi ng gate niya… Natigilan ako nang mapansin na mabilis ang paghinga niya.

I grinned and shook my head… This jerk wasn’t sleeping.

I shrugged and brought him home. Inihiga ko siya sa couch at dinalhan ng kumot… Tingnan ko na lang kung hanggang saan siya makakatagal.

Pagpasok ko ng kuwarto, agad akong sumilip sa bintana. Natawa ako nang makitang sinusubukan niyang akyatin ang gate.

What are you even doing, huh, Rhiatt?

Agad akong lumabas para puntahan siya. Baka akyatin niya talaga iyon at madisgrasya pa siya.

I honestly don’t know what to do with him. Sometimes I wanted to push him away, but there was just something about him that kept on pulling me close.

The next day, Yara suddenly barged into my house together with Rhiatt. Hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla silang naging close.

I was quite bothered letting Rhiatt in… Kakatapon ko lang ng mga pictures namin ni Russ.

Hindi niya na naman siguro ako paghihinalaang may gusto sa kaniya…

Naghanda ako ng inumin para kina Yara at Rhiatt. I was confused because Rhiatt followed me. He attempted to help… which was odd.

“You don’t have to. Samahan mo si Yara doon,” I said and continued preparing drinks for them.

I just don’t want him near me to be honest. I’m already confused as it is. Ayoko muna siyang maglalapit sa akin.

Lumapit si Yara sa likuran niya. Na-out of balance si Rhiatt. Agad akong humawak sa baywang niya para tulungan siya.

I stared at him… And the more I stare at him, the more I realize that this man was so handsome. Many people have complimented me with my looks… I’m aware that I look good… but Rhiatt… He’s way more handsome than me. I just knew that.

“Ahm… H-hoy… B-bakit ang tagal mong nakatingin?” he asked.

Kinabahan ako nang agad niyang inalis ang pagkakahawak ko sa kaniya.

I panicked a little… Did I make him uncomfortable?

“I’m sorry… It’s just you look like Russ,” palusot ko.

To hell with that… He doesn’t look like Russ at all.

I don’t want to compare because each person has their own charm… But Rhiatt makes me feel things that I couldn’t explain.

When Yara locked us up, I was so worried about him. He really seemed scared. It made me want to protect him… It made me curious. What happened to him to be this scared?

Nangyari din ba sa kaniya ang nangyari kay Russ noon? Was abuse normalized in their family? It made me feel sad about them. Parents shouldn’t be doing that.

He seemed cold, so I made him sit on my lap… And that was not a good idea after all.

I stared at him. I memorized every detail of his handsome face. How can someone be this handsome? I can’t blame women going crazy over him even though he’s an asshole.

He has this manly aura. He was shorter than me, but it didn’t make him less masculine. His dark skin was perfect against my pale skin. I don’t know why other people keep saying that he looks like Russ. I don’t see the resemblance.

Rhiatt was too handsome… His body was perfect. His sharp jaw, brown eyes, thick eyebrows, pointed nose, beautiful brown hair… It was all perfect.

I wanted to kiss him… so badly. I never experienced an intense desire to kiss someone like this before.

Russ and I had a relationship… but we never went far. We kissed, and that’s it. I never felt something like this before. This urge was something I never felt before.

I’m not innocent. I know sexual stuff… but I never got to experience those things. I’m quite the traditional man… I wanted to do those things with someone I’ll surely end up with…

And I hate myself for trying to kiss him at that moment. I wanted to punch myself for being an asshole. He was scared… and here I was… trying to kiss him.

I just told him I was just teasing him… which made me want to punch myself more.

And why was he looking at me like that? Why was he looking at me as if he wanted my kiss?

I really don’t know what to do and what to think for the past weeks. I was so confused with myself…

I started observing Rhiatt… I always watch him through my window every time he goes out. Minsan sinasadya ko ring lumabas kapag nakikita ko siyang lumabas.

One time, I was about to go out of my car, but I saw Rhiatt went out. He looked around… then he started feeding stray dogs.

I gripped the steering wheel and rested my chin there while staring at him.

I grinned. He was feeding them dog food and chicken. Hindi tira tira o mga buto ang pinapakain niya.

“Bakit ba kasi kayo natambay sa labas ng bahay ko? Akala niyo papapasukin ko kayo? Tangina… Hindi na kasya sa bahay!” napapailing na sabi niya habang patuloy na pinapakain ang mga aso.

I could hear his voice. Nakabukas ang bintana ng kotse ko at medyo malakas din ang boses niya. 

I chuckled while staring at him. He really likes to act tough and manly when there’s people around… But he has a soft side.

Lumapit din sa kaniya ang mga pusa. The dogs growled at the cats.

“Wag! Kumain lang kayo riyan! Mang-aaway pa kayo, e!”

Rhiatt went inside his house. Bumalik siya na may bagong dalang pagkain. He fed the cats as well.

I stared at him. He petted the cats. I bit my lower lip to restrain myself from smiling. Hindi ko na namalayang na matagal ko pala siyang pinapanood.

I ended up always watching him… Kapag hindi nakatingin ang ibang tao sa kaniya, pakiramdam ko bumabalik ang dating Rhiatt.

One time, there were kids fighting in front of his house. Rhiatt went out… I pretended not to mind him and continued watering my plants.

“Bakla! Bakla!” the other kid was teasing the other kid.

“Hoy, bata… Tinuro ba ng Mama mo sa’yo na mang-away ng kung sino?” Rhiatt asked the kid.

Napangiti na lang ako… Ganiyang ganiyan din siya noong inaaway ako noong elementary kami.

“Pa’no ko hindi siya aawayin, e, bakla siya?” tanong ng bata. “Sabi ng Papa ko ang mga bakla walang lugar sa mundo… Dapat lang awayin.”

Pasimple akong tumingin sa kanila.

Ngumisi si Rhiatt sa bata. “Sabihin mo sa Papa mo suntukan kami… Ipapakita ko sa kaniya kung sino ang totoong walang lugar sa mundo.” Rhiatt showed his biceps to the kid. “Takot niya lang sa muscle ko.”

Napailing ako at napasapo sa noo ko… Why is he like this?

Naiinis na tumakbo ang bata paalis. Naiwan si Rhiatt at ang isang bata na umiiyak.

“Totoo ba ang sinabi niya, bata? Bakla ka?” tanong ni Rhiatt.

Napangiwi ako. Damn this man.

The kid sniffled and looked at him. “Opo… Okay lang naman po kay Papa na ganu’n ako.”

Tumango si Rhiatt. “Wala palang problema, e. Kapag inaasar ka ng kung sinong uhuging bata, suntukin mo… Hindi porke bakla, mahina. Okay? Paturo ka sa’kin sumuntok kung gusto mo.”

Rhiatt took his wallet and gave him 50 pesos.

Marahan niyang ginulo ang buhok ng bata. “Oh, bili ka ice cream. ‘Wag ka na umiyak diyan,” he said.

Tumigil sa pag-iyak ang bata saka ngumiti kay Rhiatt. “Thank you po, kuya!”

Pag-alis ng bata, dali dali rin akong pumasok sa loob dahil baka mapansin ni Rhiatt na pinapanood ko siya.

Napabuga ako ng hangin at napahawak sa dibdib ko… Damn. What happened to Rhiatt? He’s becoming kinder… It scares me a little.

I was hoping not to fall for him… but maybe I was too late for that.

Chapter Forty-Six

Oddly, Rhiatt still wanted to help me with Russ. I told him he didn’t have to… Russ seemed pretty uncomfortable, because it was too obvious that Rhiatt was trying to pair us up.

Then Rhiatt’s friend came with a woman. The blonde woman was too aggressive… She kissed Rhiatt on the lips.

I just avoided looking at it. For some reason, it made me uncomfortable. It reminded me that Rhiatt was straight.

It was irritating… I just made an excuse that I have something to take care of… because I couldn’t bear looking at Rhiatt with that woman.

I went to the gym and did boxing. The people at the gym kept looking at me, because I was punching the punching bag too hard… Masyado akong agaw atensyon.

I sighed and stopped. I don’t know why I was too irritated. Hindi ko alam kung kanino ba ako naiirita.

Siguro kay Rhiatt?

Ano ba ang ginawa niya para mainis ako?

Umalis na lang ulit ako ng gym dahil nakakaabala lang ako sa iba. Natigilan ako at napatingin kay manong guard.

“Kuya… I have a question…” sabi ko na lang.

Manong guard smiled at me. “Sige lang, Sir… Ano ‘yun?”

“May tao kasi… Uhm. ‘Yung tao na ‘to, uhm…” This is quite awkward to say. “‘Yung tao na ‘to, hinalikan ng kung sino. Tapos naiinis ako ngayon. Hindi ko alam kung bakit…”

Natawa si Manong sa tanong ko. “Naku, Sir. Selos lang ‘yan…”

Napakurap ako. “Selos? Bakit ako magseselos?” tanong ko.

Selos? Naramdaman ko na ba iyon noon? Hindi naman ako seloso. Saka bakit naman ako magseselos?

“Magseselos ka lang naman, Sir, kapag pakiramdam mo inaagaw sa’yo ‘yung taong gusto mo… Nagselos ka kasi may gusto ka do’n.”

Napakurap ako at natigilan. May gusto ako? Kay Rhiatt?

I chuckled and shook my head… Seryoso ba? Selos ba agad ‘to?

“Hindi naman selos ‘tong nararamdaman ko, manong,” I said, defending myself.

“Sir, imagine mo na lang na may niyayakap o hinahalikan siyang iba… Kapag ayaw mo ng ideyang ‘yon, gusto mo siya, Sir.”

Natigilan ako. I tried imagining Rhiatt… being hugged and kissed by that woman earlier.

“Tangina!” iritadong sabi ko at napasipa sa hangin.

Hindi ako palamura. Hindi nagmumura sina Nana at Tata, kaya lumaki rin kami na hindi palamura… Pero hindi ko alam kung bakit ang daming mura sa isip ko dahil sa in-imagine ko.

Natawa si Manong. “Alam niyo na ang sagot, Sir.”

Tila wala ako sa sarili nang umuwi sa bahay… Alam kong may nararamdaman na akong kakaiba kay Rhiatt… Pero hindi ko lang siguro matanggap na nagugustuhan ko siya.

Napatigil ako sa tapat ng gate ko. I noticed a pink car in front of Rhiatt’s house.

Hindi pa ba umaalis ‘yung babae?

Mag-isa lang ba sila ni Rhiatt sa loob?! Doon ba matutulog ang babaeng ‘yon?

Napakagat ako sa ibabang labi ko at naghintay rito sa labas. Panay ang tingin ko kung lalabas na ba iyong babae.

Was she really planning to sleep at Rhiatt’s place?

Napalunok ako nang lumabas din sila. Nagpanggap akong naghahanap ng susi ng gate ko sa bulsa ko.

“Bye, Rhiatt! Think about it, okay?” the woman said and even gave Rhiatt a flying kiss.

I wanted to catch that damn flying kiss and stomped over it.

Umalis na rin ang babae. Rhiatt was still standing in front of his gate. Napakunot ang noo ko… Ano ba ang pinag-usapan nila nu’ng babae?

“Tangina kasi, Evron!”

Natigilan ako… Wait, was that my name?

“What?” I asked.

Rhiatt looked at me, horrified.

I don’t know what I did for him to hate me. I told him to stop helping me with Russ…

Then he told me that the woman earlier wanted to marry him.

I sighed and tried to calm myself. I wanted to kick the flower pot beside me, but I restrained myself.

“Oo… Para sure win siya sa mana niya sa parents niya. She said she’ll give me 20 percent of her inheritance. And kid you not… She’s goddamn rich. Hindi biro ang 20 percent na iyon. So, I’m considering it.”

I clenched my fists. So, she’s rich, huh?

May pera din naman ako. Nakapagpatayo ako ng gym. Kung itinuloy ko ang pagiging weightlifter o boxer, baka mas marami pa akong pera ngayon.

I licked my lower lip. I really never cared about getting rich… but this time it bothered me. I kinda regretted not seizing the opportunity to become a boxer.

So, Rhiatt likes money… I should work twice as hard…

Natigilan na lang ako sa mga pumapasok sa isip ko. Why am I thinking this way?

Maybe because you want Rhiatt to marry you instead.

That night, I tried to remember that woman’s name… Right, Diantha.

I searched for her name on the internet. Maraming lumabas. Pero nahanap ko siya dahil sa picture niya.

Diantha Inessa Zakirova.

Pinanghinaan ako nang makita ko ang net worth ng pamilya niya. Nanghihinang napahiga ako sa kama.

Wala akong laban sa kaniya. Barya lang ng babaeng ‘yon ang lahat ng meron ako.

I was so down because of that. Hindi ako nakatulog kakaisip no’n.

I went out to the park and fed a stray cat with cat treats. I smiled and petted him.

It’s quite impossible for me to be rich… Kaliwa’t kanan ang mga charity na dino-donate-an ko… Lalo kapag sa stray animals. I really have a soft spot for them. If I could just adopt every stray animal that I see, I will do it in a heartbeat.

I just sighed and looked around. I stopped when I noticed Rhiatt. Nakaupo siya habang nakatitig sa canvas… Mukha siyang wala sa sarili.

I smiled and excitedly went to him. Mukhang malalim ang iniisip niya dahil hindi niya napansin na nasa likuran niya na ako.

Natigilan ako nang mapatingin sa canvas niya. My forehead creased… It was a sketch… of me… While I was petting the cat.

My heart skipped a beat. It made me happy… and excited.

Does he like me too?

Rhiatt did his best to deny that it was me… to the point that he even cried.

He was aggressively denying it… and yet he was looking at me again as if he wanted to be kissed.

I don’t know if he likes me… I honestly don’t know… I’m just taking my chances.

His eyes were telling me that he has feelings for me… I knew this was baseless… but I just couldn’t help but to assume things.

“Evron… Do you have feelings for Rhiatt?” Russ asked.

Natigilan ako at napalunok. Bakit niya itinatanong iyan? Alam niya ba?

Russ smiled. “I think I know the answer… Good luck with that, Evron.”

He was about to leave, but I held his arm. Natigilan siya at napatingin sa akin.

“R-Russ… Do you think Rhiatt likes me too?” I asked.

Russ chuckled. “That’s a secret. You have to figure it out yourself…”

Napabuga ako ng hangin nang umalis na si Russ.

I’m just trying to act confident… but I really don’t know if he likes me.

I was worried. Baka kapag umamin ako sa kaniya, mandiri siya sa akin.

Does Rhiatt like me too?

I hope he likes me too… I’m dying to know what’s inside his mind.

I looked at the window of his house.

Damn. I wanted to hug him… I wanted to kiss him badly.

I chuckled and shook my head… I’m hopeless.

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A/N: hello guys!!! commercial lang, nakagawa na ako broadcast channel sa instagram! yey! pwede na us magchikahan there! yehey! kindly join if you want us to have some chikahan about my stories (or spoilers hehe) and random stuff lang huhu. join kau! i thought hindi ako eligible for that since i don’t have many followers. 

i really want to interact with y’all this way!! huhu 

ig username:
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love-struck!! 
🎀 pag nasa ig na kayo huhu join kayerls!)


Chapter Forty-Seven

TRIGGER WARNING:

self-harm attempt!

---

I could feel that Rhiatt was trying to avoid me. I didn’t know what I did wrong. I don’t like him avoiding me… Mabigat sa pakiramdam.

I really don’t know what’s wrong… so I followed him to his practice game. I wore my sweater and cap so that he wouldn’t notice me.

Nasa kaniya lang ang mga mata ko habang naglalaro siya. Halos hindi ko maramdamang kumalam na pala ang sikmura ko dahil hindi ako makaalis sa pwesto ko kakanood sa kaniya.

I never really found basketball entertaining. Nanonood lang ako ng laro ni Russ para makita kung kumusta na siya… I don’t enjoy watching sports like this. Hindi ako mahilig sa mga sports na may bola… But seeing Rhiatt play was really entertaining. Practice lang naman ito, but I kept on mentally cheering for him.

Nagpahinga muna siya sa laro at umupo. May lalaking lumapit sa kaniya. The guy was quite small and wearing a pink shirt.

Inabutan niya ng tubig si Rhiatt. Napakunot ang noo ko dahil ngumiti pa si Rhiatt at tinanggap ang tubig.

Paano kung may lason iyon?!

I licked my lower lip and sighed. They were talking. What are they talking about? Why is Rhiatt smiling at him?

They even took a picture together.

Wala man lang akong picture kasama si Rhiatt.

I sighed while staring at him… I smiled. Is it just me… or Rhiatt really became a better person? O baka siguro iyan naman ang totoong Rhiatt. Maybe he was really kind after all. Maybe there were just factors that contributed to his rude attitude…

Natigilan ako nang mapansing napahawak siya sa balikat niya… Oo nga pala, he had a shoulder injury. Napatayo ako.

Is he okay? Sumakit ba ang balikat niya?

I was so damn worried about him. Hindi ako mapakali. Gusto kong lumapit at kuhanin siya doon para tumigil na siya sa pagpractice.

Napakunot ang noo ko nang mapansing paalis na siya… pero kasama niya ang isang teammate niya.

Bakit kailangan sumama pa siya?!

Dali dali akong umalis. I immediately went to the parking area… I saw Rhiatt went to his car with his teammate. Ipagd-drive pa yata siya no’n.

Agad akong sumakay sa kotse ko at pinaharurot iyon pauwi. I made sure na mauuna ako sa kanila.

I waited for them when I finally reached home. Hindi ako mapakali… Paikot ikot na ako rito malapit sa poste. Para akong timang na nakatago.

Ilang saglit pa, nakarating na rin sina Rhiatt. Nagtungo ako sa tapat ng gate ko…

May sinabi pa ang lalaking ‘yon kay Rhiatt. I heard what they talked about. Gusto kong kuhanin ang bato sa paanan ko at ibato sa lalaking iyon.

It was obvious… He likes Rhiatt!

I talked to Rhiatt and confronted him about it… He started saying things I didn’t like… so I kissed him.

Natakot ako na baka itulak niya ako… o sampalin. But he kissed me back. And we did something more than kissing.

It was so intense… Pakiramdam ko hindi ako iyon. Rhiatt made me want him more. I was so attracted to him… He was pulling me close. He was making me lose my mind.

His actions made me assume that he likes me too. It made my heart so happy… It made me so excited.

I was all smiles when I left his place… but when I went home… I saw Evan sitting on the couch… staring at the floor.

Tila naging sampal iyon sa akin.

I almost forgot about my brother…

“Kuya…” he muttered… and then he looked at me.

“Evan…”

“I saw you waiting for him… I saw you went inside his house.” He gave me a small smile. “Mukhang ginawa mo ang naging plano natin… Does he like you now?”

I licked my lower lip and gulped… That was something that I’ve forgotten. Masyado akong nag-focus kay Rhiatt… Nawala na sa isip ko ang naging usapan namin na iyon.

“Evan…” Naglakad ako palapit sa kaniya. Umupo ako sa tabi niya saka humawak sa balikat niya. “Listen to me… Rhiatt has changed. Iba na siya ngayon. He’s a better person now. He’s no longer the jerk that you used to know. He’s become kind… He’s not even homophobic anymore. If you just let me show you that side of him, I will do it…”

Evan stared at me with disbelief. He bit his lower lip and clenched his fists. “H-have you forgotten what he did to me?”

Umiling ako. “Of course not… But listen… Iba na siya ngayon. He learned his lesson. We can talk to him now. For sure he’ll realize what he did to you in the past. And I’m sure that you’ll receive a proper apology from him… a sincere apology.”

Evan’s eyes reddened and tears started falling from his eyes. “You promised to help me, kuya… Nakuha mo na ang loob ni Rhiatt… Why are you suddenly hesitating?! Hindi ko kailangan ng apology niya! I just wanted him to feel what I felt in the past! That will be the only way for me to heal this pain in my heart that I’ve been carrying for the past years! You saw me suffer, kuya… Nakita mo! Why are you telling me these things? B-bakit ayaw mo na akong tulungan?!”

I held his hand and tried to calm him down. “Evan… I just don’t want you to do something that you’ll regret later on. Hindi ikaw ‘to… You’re kind… You’re understanding. Evan… You don’t have to do bad things to heal… It will only make your pain worse,” I said and caressed his hand.

Inalis ni Evan ang pagkakahawak ko sa kaniya. “Do you like him, kuya? Gusto mo si Rhiatt?”

Natigilan ako sa tanong niya. Napalunok ako at napaiwas ng tingin.

“Evan… Let’s just focus on—”

He cut me off. “How can you like the person who made your brother’s life a living hell?!”

Evan stood up. Lumayo siya sa akin. Napabuga ako ng hangin at tumayo. Nagtangka akong lumapit sa kaniya pero agad niya akong itinulak.

“Evan… Listen to me… Nagbago na si Rhiatt. You will only understand once you see it yourself. Please… You know I want the best for you. I don’t want you to do something that you’ll regret. Please… You’re kind, Evan… That’s why I’m sure you’ll feel guilty once you did your plan,” I pleaded, trying to convince him.

“I can’t believe you, kuya… Pakiramdam ko pati ikaw, hindi ko na kakampi…”

Evan turned his back on me… Then he went to the kitchen. He took a scissor and pointed it to his neck.

“Fuck, Evan! Ano ba’ng ginagawa mo?!” asik ko.

Hindi ko madalas pagalitan si Evan… dahil mabait siya. I couldn’t believe he’d do something like this just for his revenge.

“Kuya… If you really care for me… If you really love me… Then you will help me! I told you… this is my only way to heal the pain in my heart! Mahirap ba talagang pagbigyan ako?!” Evan gripped the scissor harder and put it closer to his neck. “I’m serious, kuya! Gusto ko lang makawala sa nakaraan! Iyon lang! After this, I will finally let myself go of the pain! This is what I need!”

I closed my eyes tightly and clasped my chest. This scene was breaking my heart. Hindi ko alam kung anong pakiusap ang gagawin ko sa kaniya… I have no friends to talk to… I don’t know how I will handle this. Hindi ko kayang sabihin kina Nana dahil siguradong masasaktan sila.

Sinubukan kong lumapit sa kaniya pero umatras siya at mas inilapit ang dulo ng gunting sa leeg niya.

My head was hurting. Tila hindi na rin ako makapag-isip nang ayos.

I licked my lower lip and looked at Evan. “P-please don’t do that…” I nodded. “I-I will help you. Okay? I will help you…”

Chapter Forty-Eight

I regretted doing that… I regretted it so bad. It was Rhiatt’s birthday… It was his birthday…

“Bakit? Nakalimutan mo na ba, ha, Rhiatt? Bakit? Kasi gano’n gano’n lang naman para sa’yo manakit ng ibang tao…” Evan said with a hint of bitterness in his voice.

Napakapit si Rhiatt sa table. He was confused… and hurt. I could see it all over his face… and it fucking breaks my heart. 

“I-I… I have to go…” Rhiatt said and immediately left the place.

I clenched my fists and closed my eyes tightly. I raised my hand and slapped myself as hard as I could. I did it again… and again… and again.

“K-kuya…” Lumapit sa akin si Evan. Humawak siya sa kamay ko para pigilan ako.

I looked at Evan. His eyes were glistening… he was about to cry. I know that look on his face.

He regretted it too.

“You’ll see, Evan… You’ll see that he really changed,” I muttered before I left him there.

Ayoko nang manatili dahil baka may masabi pa akong masama sa kaniya… I slapped myself because I don’t want to hurt him… Ayoko muna siyang makita.

I immediately went home… I looked at Rhiatt’s house before I went inside.

I went to my bed the moment I entered my room… I stared at the ceiling, trying to remember Rhiatt’s expression.

I just realized my vision was becoming blurry… and tears were escaping from my eyes.

I sobbed and closed my eyes tightly… I was crying. My cheek was still burning because of the hard slaps that I did to myself… I wanted to slap myself again… I wanted to hurt myself so bad.

I cried harder… I clasped my chest and let all the sobs escape from my lips. I couldn’t remember the last time I cried like this…

Ah. I remember… It was when Rhiatt acted like he forgot me when we were kids… I cried like this too.

I cried the whole night… Evan kept texting me on how much he regretted it, but I couldn’t bring myself to reply.

When Rhiatt went here the next day, I honestly didn’t know what to do. He said he wanted to talk to Evan… so I called Evan and told him to come without telling him that Rhiatt was here.

When Evan came, Rhiatt apologized to him. Rhiatt kneeled in front of him and apologized for the things that he did to Evan years ago.

I looked at Evan… I could see it in his eyes. His eyes were full of regrets… maybe because he never expected to see Rhiatt like this. He never expected Rhiatt to change and become a better person… He never expected Rhiatt to sincerely apologize to him.

---

“Kuya… What should I do?” Evan asked while playing with his fingers. “I-I thought I’ll be okay after seeking revenge… But it just made things harder for me,” he muttered. “Y-you’re right… He really changed. I-I wasn’t expecting that. H-how did he change so fast?” His voice broke. “Gustong gusto ko na mag-sorry siya sa akin… and now that he did, my heart feels heavier than ever.”

Pagkatapos humingi ni Rhiatt ng tawad sa kaniya, agad siyang pumunta sa akin para kausapin ako.

Saglit akong natahimik. I honestly wanted to tell him that I told him so… or that he should have listened to me… But I know those things are not the right things to say right now.

“He really changed. He’s no longer the Rhiatt that you used to know,” I muttered and smiled bitterly. I looked at him. “What do you want to do, Evan? What do you think is the right thing to do in your situation?” I asked.

Evan bit his lower lip. His lips were shaking… as if he was about to cry.

I know my brother. Alam ko ang tumatakbo sa isip niya ngayon… Alam ko ring kinakain na siya ng konsensya niya ngayon.

“Do what you want to do… Do what you think is right…”

Iyon na lang ang huli kong sinabi sa kaniya. I’m letting him decide. Alam kong pipiliin niyang gawin ang alam niyang tama sa pagkakataong ‘to…

Because he saw it himself… Nakita niyang hindi na katulad ng dati si Rhiatt… Nakita niyang nagbago na si Rhiatt.

I LOCKED myself up in my room for the past days… Hindi ko na rin alam ang gagawin. I asked Yara for advice… and she told me to give both Evan and Rhiatt some space.

But it was really hard…

After a few days, Evan talked to me…

Hindi ko alam, pero parang iba ang aura niya. He smiled at me… His face was glowing… for some reason.

“Kuya… I talked to Rhiatt… We forgive each other.”

Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. “What do you mean?”

“I asked to meet him. Nag-usap kami… I apologized to him… Nagbago na talaga siya, kuya. Hindi na siya ang Rhiatt na nakilala ko noon,” he said and smiled at me. “I decided to live a fun and happy life this time. I wouldn’t dwell on the past anymore… I have to correct some things yet… I’m planning to post something to clear Rhiatt’s name on social media.”

Napangiti ako sa sinabi niya. Marahan kong hinaplos ang buhok niya. “Yes… This is the real Evan that I know. You’re doing a great job, Evan. I’m proud of you…”

Evan sighed and looked at me. Tila nakokonsensya siya ulit. “Kuya… I’m sorry.”

Natigilan ako. “Why are you saying sorry?” I asked.

“I made you do it… even though you didn’t want to. I’m sorry, kuya…” he muttered.

I sighed and shook my head. “Just don’t do such things again next time… Tuparin mo rin ang sinabi mo na mabubuhay ka na ng masaya…”

Evan bit his lower lip and nodded. “I will do it, kuya. I promise… Nakausap ko na sina Nana. Mag-aaral ako ulit. Pupunta ako ng Switzerland…”

I smiled and nodded. “That’s great. If you need any help with that, I’m just here.”

Evan smiled. “Kuya, sorry talaga, ha… I think… I just made things harder for you.”

Natigilan ako. “What do you mean?”

Evan stared at me. Then he sighed. “Bahala na… Kailangan mo naman talagang paghirapan muna, ‘di ba? Kung talagang mahal mo, you have to work hard to earn it…” he whispered.

My forehead creased. I don’t know what he’s talking about.

Evan smiled. “So, kuya… I’ll go now.”

Evan hugged me. I hugged him back, then I tapped his back… He turned his back on me after that and was about to leave.

“Evan…”

He stopped and looked at me. “Why, kuya?”

I sighed and stroked my hair. “I’m sorry… but I love Rhiatt.”

Natigilan siya sa sinabi ko. He slightly tilted his head and stared at me.

“I know… but what about it?” he asked.

My jaw clenched before I spoke. “Whether you like it or not… whether you’ll agree or not… I will have him in my life.”

He stared at me. Kinakabahan ako sa magiging reaksyon niya… pero desidido na ako. I want Rhiatt in my life. Papayag man si Evan o hindi, wala na akong magagawa… Basta mahal ko si Rhiatt.

Evan chuckled, which surprised me.

“Walang kaso sa akin, kuya… But how about Rhiatt though?” he asked meaningfully. “I’m sorry if I made things harder for you, kuya…”

Then he finally left.

I bit my lower lip and clenched my fists. 

No one should underestimate the things that I can do for Rhiatt.

Chapter Forty-Nine

Evan sent me a link. I opened it… and it was his post. It was brave of him to use his real account.

He posted it in a basketball facebook group.

I messaged him.

Me: You’ll be bashed… That’s for sure, Evan.

Evan: It’s fine! Hahaha! Pupunta rin naman akong Switzerland. They can bash me all they want. Ang mahalaga lang sa akin malinis ang pangalan ni Rhiatt.

Me: I don’t think Rhiatt will like what you posted though. He will surely feel bad.

Evan: I know, pero gusto ko pa rin gawin, kuya. Nahihiya pa rin ako sa ginawa ko sa kaniya. Let me do this, okay? Bahala sila i-bash ako.

I sighed and stroked my hair. For some reason, he really seemed unbothered.

Evan Vincent Gallegos

Hi! I just wanted to clarify some things about Rhiatt De Roxas. I was the one who planned everything. I invited his fans and family without his consent and set him up in that situation. I admit, I used to hate him in the past, but it was all in the past now and it was childish and immature of me to do such a thing to him.

To everyone, do not assume Rhiatt’s sexuality based on what has been circulating on social media. Hindi niyo na kailangang ungkatin o malaman. I only did that to set him up… but it was wrong. We already talked, and we forgive each other… But I still want to clear things for Rhiatt. He didn’t deserve the hate that he’s getting because of me… And he also didn’t deserve the hate just because of his sexuality. Again, it’s for him to confirm, and whether he reveals it or not, wala na kayo roon.

Thank you po. Pasensya na po.

His post reached twenty thousand reactions on facebook with fifteen thousand shares… and also thousands of comments.

I sighed and read some of the comments.

Buti inamin mong immature ka!

Kulang pa ‘yan sa ginawa mo kay Rhiatt. Grabe ka!

Guys, I think hindi na dapat tayo magcomment ng kung ano. Hindi naman natin alam ang issue between him and Rhiatt. Siguro shut up na lang tayo?

Napatango ako sa huling komento. I even reacted like react.

Napakunot ang noo ko sa mga sumunod na comments na nabasa ko, mostly tungkol kay Rhiatt. I bit my lower lip and took my laptop and put my phone on the bedside table. I have to focus on this one.

Pinatunog ko ang mga buto ko sa kamay para reply-an ang mga hate comments.

I still believe that Rhiatt is gay HAHAHA. And come on, he’s obviously a jerk!

↳

Evron:

I’m sure you haven’t even met him in person… and yet you’re calling him a jerk? And why do you all care so much about his sexuality? Get a life.

Hindi ko talaga maintindihan ang hype diyan kay Rhiatt. Gwapo lang naman siya? He’s not even that good

at

playing basketball HAHAHA

↳

Evron:

I bet you wouldn’t even stand a chance against him. Be for real. Wala ka sa kalingkingan niya, gago!

Mas gwapo pa ‘ko sa baklang Rhiatt na ‘yan eh HAHAHA

↳

Evron:

I don’t want to face shame anyone but you really deserve it… Ang pangit mo. ‘Wag mo na subuking tumabi kay Rhiatt. Mahiya hiya ka.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal nakababad sa laptop. Noong na-low batt ako, agad kong kinuha ang charger at muling nag-reply sa mga namba-bash kay Rhiatt. Nire-reply-an ko rin ang mga fans niya.

Napatingin ako sa bintana dahil hindi ko napansing gabi na pala.

“Ah… Done,” I muttered.

I replied to every hate comment about Rhiatt. Halos sumabog na ang notification ko sa mga nagre-reply din sa replies ko. Pero hindi ko na pinansin pa iyon. Ako naman ang bina-bash nila… Uusok lang ang ilong ko kapag si Rhiatt na.

Napabuga ako ng hangin at lumabas ng bahay. Sumilip ako sa bahay ni Rhiatt. Ilang araw ko na siyang hindi nakikita.

I really miss him.

Natigilan ako nang may pumasok na dalawang babae sa bahay ni Rhiatt. Napakunot ang noo ko… Kaibigan niya ba ang mga ‘yon? Akala ko ‘yung dalawang lalaki lang ang kaibigan niya?

I took my phone and was about to text Rhiatt, but I froze when I realized that he blocked my number.

I bit my lower lip and tapped my foot on the ground. Hindi ako mapakali.

I observed Rhiatt’s house for the past few days. Hindi ko siya nakikitang pumapasok o lumalabas… ‘Yung dalawang babae lang palagi.

I decided to wait for them… Natigilan sila nang salubungin ko sila paglabas nila.

“Uhm… H-hello. I just wanted to ask… are you two Rhiatt’s friends?” I asked.

Natigilan sila at nagkatinginan. “Rhiatt? Sino ‘yon?” tanong nila.

My forehead creased. “He’s literally the owner of that house,” sabi ko saka itinuro ang bahay.

“Oh… ‘Yung owner ba? Ibinenta na sa amin ang bahay na ‘to. Umalis na ‘yung owner last week pa yata.”

I felt like my world shattered… I didn’t say anything. Ni hindi na ako nakapagpasalamat sa kanila dahil agad akong pumasok ng bahay.

I took my phone and called Yara. Siya lang ang alam kong pwede malapitan.

She immediately answered my call.

“Kuya, bakit ka napatawa—”

“Where’s Rhiatt?”

Natahimik siya sa kabilang linya sa biglang tanong ko. My hands were shaking… I’m so damn confused.

Bakit biglang nawala si Rhiatt?

“Bakit ako ang tinatanong mo, e, ikaw ang kapit-bahay niya?”

“He’s not there…” I took a deep breath, trying to restrain myself from getting mad. “Where is he? Alam kong alam mo, Yara…” mariing sabi ko.

Natahimik si Yara sa kabilang linya. I knew it. She knows something. Alam niya kung nasaan si Rhiatt.

“Give him space muna, kuya… Nagulat din ako sa ginawa niyo ni Kuya Evan… Give him time to think muna.”

I licked my lower lip and gripped my own hair. “I don’t think I can wait, Yara… Masisiraan ako ng bait.”

I bit my nails. Hindi ako mapakali. I’m dying to know where he is right now.

“Kuya… Sa akin lang, bigyan mo muna siya ng time. Okay? Bye, love you!”

Binaba rin agad ni Yara ang tawag. I closed my eyes tightly and gripped my phone hard… Tila masisira na iyon sa kamay ko.

Ni hindi ko man lang alam na umalis na siya. I regretted locking myself up in my room for days… Hindi ko siya sinisilip ng mga nagdaang araw dahil alam kong kailangan niya ng panahon para mag-isip at hindi makakatulong na makita niya ako… So I did my best to stop myself from seeing him.

It was a mistake.

I sat on my bed and cried. I sobbed and covered my face with my hands… I clasped my chest. My heart felt heavy. I really wanted to see him. I miss him so much.

Gaano katagal ba ang panahon na dapat kong ibigay sa kaniya? Paano kung gustong gusto ko na talaga siyang makita?

Kahit mahirap sa akin, sinunod ko na lang ang sinabi ni Yara…

Pero dalawang araw pa lang ang nakakalipas… hindi na ako mapakali.

I called Yara’s number again.

“I waited long enough.”

Narinig kong napasinghap si Yara sa kabilang linya.
“Kuya?! Two days pa lang talaga!”

My jaw clenched. I closed my eyes and clenched my fist. “Yes… and that’s fucking long enough.” I licked my lower lip. “Now, tell me where he is… Babawi pa ako sa kaniya.”

Chapter Fifty

Hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong mainis kay Yara o matuwa. She really didn’t tell me a thing about Rhiatt’s whereabouts.

I was happy that she’s become Rhiatt’s trusted friend… but I hate that I couldn’t get any information from her.

I went to Rhiatt’s practice game. I bit my nails while waiting for him to come.

And then he came… I clasped my chest and licked my lower lip. Seeing him again made me so excited. I could feel my heart beating so fast. I could feel my pulse racing. I sat properly and gulped.

He was so handsome with his jersey… I wanted to hug him. Hindi na ako mapakali.

Siya ang nahuling dumating kaya nagsimula na agad sila pagdating ni Rhiatt.

My eyes were glued on him the whole time. I clenched my fists, cheering for him.

“Damn!” napamura ako nang maagawan siya ng bola.

Napatingin sa akin ang nasa unahan ko nang sipain ko ang likod ng upuan niya. He glared at me.

“Tangina, practice game lang ‘yan. OA ka ba?!” asik niya.

“Sorry,” sabi ko na lang saka tumikhim.

Lumipat ako ng upuan, doon sa walang ibang tao sa malapit. Muli akong nagfocus sa panonood ng game ni Rhiatt.

I realized I was smiling while staring at him. He’s so cool when he’s playing basketball… He’s the coolest. He also looks so hot with all that sweat all over his body.

He wiped himself with a towel. He wiped his neck and nape.

Damn. I want to be his towel.

I shook my head and tried to focus on the game again. I couldn’t take my gaze off Rhiatt.

Napatingin ako sa mga nanonood malapit sa court. May banner pa sila at picture ni Rhiatt. Mapababae o lalaki, nandoon.

Napabuga ako ng hangin. Dapat wala na akong kaagaw kay Rhiatt dahil masama ang ugali niya… Hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong matuwa sa katotohanan na mabait na siya. Lalo siyang magugustuhan ng marami.

Problema na nga sa akin na masyado siyang guwapo. He’s also a great basketball player. He’s also artistically inclined… Based on Evan, he also has a degree in architecture, he’s a licensed architect. He just chose to be a basketball player.

Damn. Why is he so perfect?

Hindi ko maiwasang manliit sa sarili ko. I don’t have a bachelor’s degree like him. I’m not that smart. The only strength I have is my body and physical strength… He’s too good for me. What can I even offer to him when he had it all?

I shook my head and sighed… No. I shouldn’t give up. If I really want him in my life, I should work hard for it.

No amount of effort will make me deserving of him though.

I sighed and clenched my fists.
Evron, don’t give up. Okay?

Nang matapos ang laro nila, napatayo ako nang mapansing lumapit ang teammate ni Rhiatt sa kaniya… What was his name again?

Hugo?

I bit my lower lip and clenched my fists… Sabay pa silang umalis. Dali dali akong sumunod sa kanila.

They went to the parking area. I followed them there. Pakiramdam ko umakyat ang dugo sa ulo ko nang akbayan ng Hugo na ‘yon si Rhiatt.

I will chop his arm off!

I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself.

No, Evron. Kumalma ka muna. Wala ka pang karapatan.

I glared at Hugo… Sa oras na may karapatan na ako, hindi ka na makaka-akbay ng ganiyan kay Rhiatt.

Matatapos din ang maliligayang araw mo!

Napakunot ang noo ko nang mapansing humawak ang Hugo na ‘yon sa pisngi ni Rhiatt. I bit my lower lip when I noticed that his face was getting closer to Rhiatt’s. I clenched my fist… Halos mamuti na ang kamao ko.

My forehead creased when I noticed that Hugo was pouting his lips… What the hell was he trying to do?!

Hindi ako nakatiis… Umalis ako sa pinagtataguan ko at agad na tumakbo palapit sa kanila. I pushed Hugo away from Rhiatt.

Natigilan silang pareho at nagtatakang tumingin sa akin… Nakita ko ang gulat sa mga mata ni Rhiatt nang makita ako.

“Evron?” he asked.

I was breathing heavily. I looked at Rhiatt, he was looking at me with confusion in his eyes…

Damn. I want to kiss him.

I shook my head and looked at Hugo. I glared at him. “Why are you trying to kiss him?” tanong ko saka kinwelyuhan siya.

Hugo looked at me with disbelief. “May sapak ka ba, p’re?!”

Pumagitna sa amin si Rhiatt. Inalis niya ang pagkakahawak ko kay Hugo. “Nasisiraan ka na ba ng ulo?!” asik niya. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

I looked at him. “Rhiatt, he was trying to kiss you…”

“Tangina, napuwing lang ako!” asik niya pa.

Natigilan ako. Napansin kong bahagya ngang namumula ang kanang mata niya.

I looked at Hugo. Pinagpag niya ang damit niya na hinawakan ko.

“Sige, Rhiatt… Mauna na ‘ko. Ingat ka sa mga stranger at feeling may karapatan diyan sa tabi tabi, ha,” sabi na lang ni Hugo saka tinapik ang balikat ni Rhiatt.

Naiwan kaming dalawa ni Rhiatt nang umalis na si Hugo. Napalunok ako at napatingin sa sahig. Pinaglaruan ko ang mga daliri ko.

Damn. That was quite embarrassing.

“Ano’ng ginagawa mo rito?” tanong ni Rhiatt.

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya. He was glaring at me. Palagi naman siyang galit… pero pakiramdam ko mas malalim ang galit niya sa akin ngayon.

“W-well… I just want to see you,” I muttered.

“Bakit gusto mo ‘kong makita?” nakakunot-noong tanong niya. “Wala na naman tayong dapat pag-usapan, ‘di ba?”

I licked my lower lip. “I-I just discovered that you sold your house… May I know your current address?” I asked.

Napakunot ang noo ni Rhiatt. “Tanga ka ba? Bakit ko sasabihin sa’yo? At bakit kailangan mong malaman?!”

“To be honest, I was fighting the urge to just follow your car so that I’ll know where you live… But I don’t want to scare you and act like a stalker…” I sighed. “Please, tell me.”

Itinulak ako ni Rhiatt. “Why do you have to know?! Lubayan mo na nga ako! Let’s have our separate lives from now on! Umalis na nga ako ro’n, e! Tapos pupunta punta ka pa rito!”

I bit my lower lip. “P-paano kita liligawan?” I asked.

Natigilan siya sa tanong ko. “W-what?”

“Kung hindi ko alam kung saan ka nakatira… paano kita liligawan?” I asked.

“Baliw ka ba?! Bakit mo ‘ko liligawan?!” asik niya. Namumula na ang mukha niya sa galit.

“I’m in love with you… I want to court you. Hindi ba pwede?” tanong ko.

“Tangina, ano’ng pinagsasasabi mo?! Saka bakit mo ‘ko liligawan, e, lalaki ako?!” asik niya pa. Natigilan siya. “I-I mean… W-wala namang mali manligaw sa lalaki, ang ibig ko lang sabihin… Bakit sa akin at hindi kay Russ?!”

Oh, right. He still thinks that I like Russ.

“I don’t have feelings for Russ, matagal na… We can talk to him for confirmation if you want to. It’s you that I love… Even Russ knew that.” Humakbang ako palapit sa kaniya. “I only told those things to you because that time… you kept assuming that I like you. So I made that move… When I realized that I’m falling for you, I continued the act… Because I’m worried that you’ll find me disgusting… because I like you,” I explained.

I was just acting tough and brave… but my hands and knees were literally shaking right now.

Rhiatt crossed his arms and glared at me. “Damn, dude… Are you expecting me to believe that bullshit?!”

“No… I wasn’t expecting you to believe me. But I still want to explain it to you…” I muttered. “The other stuff, let me just show it to you… Will you let me, Rhiatt?”

Napangisi si Rhiatt saka kinwelyuhan ako. “Fuck off, cringe ass bastard.”

Marahas niya akong itinulak palayo saka agad na sumakay sa kotse niya. Napabuga ako ng hangin nang agad niyang pinaharurot ang sasakyan.

Minumura niya na ako, pero natutuwa pa ako… He looks hot even when he’s cursing me…

Napailing na lang ako dahil kung ano-ano pa ang pumapasok sa isip ko.

Paano ko ba malalaman kung saan siya nakatira?

Natigilan ako nang mag-chat sa akin si Yara. Napakunot ang noo ko nang may i-send siya sa aking address.

Yara: Ay shit! Wrong send pala!

She immediately deleted the message…

I smirked.

Sorry… but I already took a screenshot.

Chapter Fifty-One

“Okay na ba ang apartment na ito sa’yo?” tanong ng landlady.

Ngumiti ako at tumango. “Yes, this is perfect. I’ll take it.”

Tumango ang landlady. “Bakit kaya may mga naglilipatang gwapo rito sa subdivision namin? Noong nakaraan lang may guwapong basketball player na lumipat din dito. Katabing bahay mo lang.”

Napangiti na lang ako sa sinabi niya at nagpatay malisya. “Oh… Is that so?” I muttered.

Hinaplos ko ang balahibo ng aso kong si Peanut.

“Oh, siya… Since maayos na lahat, Sir… Pwede ka nang lumipat dito…”

Napatingin ako sa labas. Andoon na ang mga gamit ko at nakahanda na. Hindi sobrang daming gamit ang dinala ko. Tama lang…

Sa susunod naman ay magsasama rin kami sa iisang bahay ni Rhiatt.

Pagkatapos kong pakainin si Peanut, agad ko nang inayos ang mga gamit ko. Wala akong katulong kaya medyo natagalan ako.

Pinagkatiwala ko muna sa employees ko ang gym. I told them to call me if there were problems. Sa ngayon, gusto ko talagang mag-focus kay Rhiatt.

Pagkatapos kong mag-ayos ng mga gamit, naligo na rin ako at nagpalit ng komportableng damit.

Sumilip ako sa labas. Medyo inconvenient para sa akin itong lugar na ‘to. Magkatabi kami ng bahay ni Rhiatt, pero malayo-layo naman ang pagitan.

Lumabas na ako para tyempuhan si Rhiatt at magpapansin sa kaniya.

I took a deep breath when I heard the sound of his gate. I pretended to look around like a fool… I was trying my best to pretend that I didn’t see or notice him.

“Tangina… Evron?”

I looked at him. I pretended to be shocked. “Rhiatt? What are you doing here?” patay-malisyang tanong ko.

Rhiatt raised his eyebrow and crossed his arms. He was wearing a white shirt and black sweatpants with his cute red headband.

“What the fuck are you doing here, asshole?!” asik niya saka agad na lumapit sa akin.

I looked at him innocently. “Gusto ko lang lumipat para mabago ang environment… Tahimik dito kaya itong lugar na ito ang napili ko,” palusot ko.

Rhiatt gripped his own hair and looked at me with disbelief. “Are you fucking out of your mind?! Kaya nga ako umalis doon para makalayo sa’yo!”

He really seemed mad.

“Sorry… Hindi kita guguluhin,” sabi ko habang umiiling.

His eyes squinted. “Why are you doing this, Evron?” he asked in a serious tone. “What do you want from me?”

“Ikaw…” mabilis na sagot ko. “It’s you that I want… Why are you even asking? Ibibigay mo ba sa akin ang gusto ko?”

Napangisi si Rhiatt. “Aba, gago ‘to, ah.”

I bit my lower lip. “I know you won’t… You can push me away. You can kick me. You can do whatever you want… But I will always come back… kahit lagyan mo pa ako ng black eye,” sabi ko na lang. “Do your thing and I’ll do mine.”

Rhiatt shook his head in disbelief. “Fuck. You’re being ridiculous.”

Napailing na lang si Rhiatt at tinalikuran na ako saka umalis. Natigilan ako nang mapansing nagjo-jogging siya. Tumikhim ako at sumunod sa kaniya. Nag-jogging na lang din ako… pero malayo layo ako sa kaniya.

I was watching his back as I jogged… I want to hug him.

Rhiatt stopped and looked at me. “Akala ko ba hindi mo ‘ko guguluhin?!” asik niya.

“H-hindi naman… Am I not allowed to jog?” I asked.

“Bawal kang mag-jogging na nakikita ko!” namumula na ang mukha niya sa inis.

“Hindi mo naman ako nakikita. I was at your back. It was you who looked at me,” katwiran ko pa.

Rhiatt touched his forehead and chuckled in disbelief. “Damn. You’ve got to be kidding me… This is not the Evron I know…” sabi niya saka dinuro ako.

“Sino ba ang Evron na kilala mo?” tanong ko saka humakbang palapit sa kaniya. “This is the real me… I was just not expressive before because you were homophobic…”

“Gago amputa,” bulong niya saka napahawak sa batok niya. “Alam mo… ewan ko sa’yo! Puro katarantaduhan pinagsasasabi mo sa’kin! Subukan mong sumunod sunod, talagang masasaktan ka sa’kin!” asik niya.

Muli niya akong tinalikuran saka bumalik sa pagjo-jogging. Napabuga ako ng hangin at hinabol na lang siya ng tingin. Gusto kong sumama sa kaniya mag-jogging…

I sighed and just went inside my house. I decided to cook chicken breast for him. I’ll give it to him once he’s done jogging.

I went outside and waited for Rhiatt… I fed the stray cats while waiting for him.

Natigilan ako nang makitang pabalik na siya… Agad akong tumakbo palapit sa kaniya bitbit ang chicken breast na niluto ko. Nakalagay pa iyon sa lunch box.

He stopped when he saw me. He wiped the sweat on his neck using his towel and sighed.

“What the fuck, Evron?! Naghintay ka ba riyan?!” iritadong tanong niya.

I nodded. “But I also cooked this for you.”

Lumapit ako sa kaniya. I handed him the lunch box. He looked at me with annoyance written on his face. He gave it back to me.

“Hindi ko kailangan niyan. Ano’ng tingin mo sa’kin, walang pagkain?!” asik niya.

“I know you have food… but I still wanted to cook for you,” I said and handed him the lunch box again.

Rhiatt sighed and stared at me. “What do you want, Evron? Ano ba ang kailangan kong gawin para lubayan mo na ako?”

Umiling ako. “Hindi kita lulubayan…”

He took a deep breath, as if he was trying to control his temper. “You know what… the last time we talked, I was calm… Because I thought everything would be done once I avoided you. Let’s have our separate lives from now on and just forget everything that happened between us… Pwede ba?! Mahirap ba ‘yon?! At kung ayaw mong kuhanin ‘to, e ‘di ‘wag!” asik niya saka inihagis sa sahig ang lunch box saka agad na pumasok sa bahay niya.

Napabuntonghininga ako habang hinahabol siya ng tingin… Naiintindihan ko na galit pa rin siya sa akin. I know it would be difficult to win his heart after everything that happened… But I won’t give up. I will work hard… Rhiatt deserves the best man, so I will be the best man for him.

I took the lunch box and went back home. I sniffled and wiped the tears that escaped from my eyes. I took a deep breath.

I’ll go back to work.

I took my laptop and searched for details that I can gather about Rhiatt.

I watched all of the videos that included him. I watched the interviews that included him… Madalas interview-hin ang team nila…

Rhiatt was really famous. I stalked all of his social media accounts. Thousands ang nagre-react at nagco-comment sa mga post niya. He used to post a lot of pictures of himself, pero these past few months, hindi na siya gaanong nag-po-post.

I saved all of his pictures. Ginawa kong lock screen ang picture niya na mukhang photoshoot. He was wearing his jersey while holding a ball. Ginawa ko namang home screen ang selfie niya. It was a mirror shot. He was wearing a simple black shirt.

Damn. I don’t think I deserve him. He’s too handsome for the likes of me…

Agad akong tumayo at tumingin sa full-length mirror sa kwarto ko. I touched my face and stroked my hair… Do I even look good?

I removed my shirt and flexed my muscles… Am I too masculine for his type? I mean, Rhiatt might still be confused about his sexual orientation…

I sighed. That damn Hugo wasn’t that bad either. I also stalked him and based on his fans, he was handsome.

I bit my lower lip and clenched my fists. He’s so damn lucky… He gets to see Rhiatt everyday. Palagi niyang kasama at nakakalaro niya pa sa basketball.

Natigilan ako nang may pumasok na ideya sa isip ko.

Should I just play basketball too?

Chapter Fifty-Two

“What?”

Iyon lang ang nasabi sa akin ni Coach Herald Williams, coach ng Averlands.

Nakatingin sa akin ang mga teammates ni Rhiatt… It was a good thing that Rhiatt wasn’t here yet. Baka itulak niya na agad ako paalis dito.

“I’m 6 feet and 7 inches tall… I’m physically fit. I’m healthy too. I’m strong… I did weightlifting and boxing. I want to be a part of your basketball team.”

Napaawang ang mga labi nila habang nakatingin sa akin. They were all staring at me as if I just said the most ridiculous thing.

“But damn. He was really tall though… Kung papasok siya sa team, siya ang pinaka matangkad sa’tin,” the other guy said.

“Ano’ng vitamins mo, dude?” tanong pa ng isang lalaki.

“Genes,” tipid na sagot ko. I remained looking at Coach Herald.

I took a deep breath and handed him my resume. He just blinked and accepted it anyway.

“H-hindi basta basta maging basketball player ng PBA, uhm…” He looked at my resume. “Evron.”

“I’m willing to learn,” agad na sagot ko.

Hugo chuckled and shook his head. “Damn, dude. You’re crazy,” napapailing na sabi niya.

Coach Herald sighed and scratched his nape. “Evron… PBA may be considered as a training ground for basketball players, but you must already be considered a professional before you apply here. You will be representing private brands and companies… Hindi basta basta ang PBA. Hindi porke matangkad ka… or physically fit, pwede ka na agad pumasok.”

I froze… But Rhiatt offered me to be a basketball player on their team before… He offered it to me like it was just easy to be a part of it.

Napangiti na lang ako… Ginawa niya lang ba iyon para magpapansin sa akin?

Coach Herald cleared his throat. “So… Evron. I’m sorry but you can’t join our basketball team just like that. First, dapat nakapag join ka na sa basketball teams during your highschool and college years.”

Bumagsak ang balikat ko. “I’m not a college graduate.”

Coach Herald tapped my shoulder. “It’s okay. Hindi naman iyon requirement para maging PBA player, pero hindi ka pwede basta mag-join sa Averlands. Are you familiar with the PBA Development League? You must play at least seven games in one conference para ma-qualify ka sa PBA Draft.”

Pakiramdam ko umuusok ang ulo ko sa mga sinasabi niya. What was the PBA Development League? What was the PBA Draft? I’ve never heard those things before. Hindi ako pamilyar sa mga iyon. Hindi ako mahilig maglaro o manood ng basketball.

“I can give you a recommendation for PBA D-League… Of course, before I do that, you have to show me how skilled you are.”

I gulped and bit my lower lip.

Damn. I regretted not playing basketball before.

“What’s this bullshit all about?”

Natigilan kaming lahat at napatingin kay Rhiatt. My pulse raced the moment I saw him. I gulped hard and tried to calm myself.

Napakunot ang noo niya nang lumapit sa akin. “What the fuck are you doing here?!” agad na bungad niya.

“Yan tuloy, napindot na naman…” sabi ng isang teammate niya.

“I want to join Averlands… You offered me that before, right? Na-late lang… pero tinatanggap ko na,” I said and smiled at him. “Hello, by the way… You look handsome as always.”

Mas lalong napakunot ang noo niya. “Gago, trip ko lang ‘yon! Wala ka nga yatang experience sa basketball, e. Tapos gusto mong maging PBA player agad? Ang daming nangangarap maging parte ng PBA, tapos ikaw trip mo lang? Gago…” napapailing na sabi niya.

Lumapit si Hugo kay Rhiatt at umakbay. “Chill lang, p’re. Hindi rin naman siya makakapasok…”

I bit the insides of my cheeks and clenched my fists… I wanted to kill this asshole.

Lubusin mo muna ‘yan, Hugo. Kapag may karapatan na ako, kahit dulo ng buhok ni Rhiatt… hindi mo mahahawakan!

“Kaya kong aralin… I have an advantage. I’m tall and physically strong,” I said, trying to convince him.

“Hindi lang lakas at tangad ang kailangan mo sa basketball, p’re,” Hugo said, as if he was mocking me.

Ah. Damn this fucker. May araw din siya sa akin.

“I will train myself…” I said.

The other guy shook his head. “Hindi na namin kailangan ng pabigat sa team namin, dude.”

I forced a smile. “I will be the team’s personal assistant and errand guy… I’m also a fitness trainer. I can help you with your fitness and strength training, and diet. I’m all-in-one…”

Tila hindi sila interesado sa mga sinasabi ko.

“And it’s all free.”

Doon ko napukaw ang atensyon nila. Natigilan sila at nagkatinginan. Rhiatt took a deep breath and stroked his hair in annoyance.

“Ano’ng tingin mo sa’min, mahirap?! Kaya naming bayara—”

Lumapit ang isang lalaki kay Rhiatt at tinakpan ang bibig niya. Ngumiti siya sa akin at tumango.

“Sige, payag kami. ‘Di ba, coach?” tanong pa niya.

Coach Herald’s eyes squinted, as if he was having second thoughts.

“Coach, tingnan mo naman ang katawan niyan… Gusto ko rin ng ganiyan… Baka sabihin niya sa’min ‘yung secret niya sa ganiyang katawan,” bulong ng isang player.

Hindi ko alam kung bulong ba iyon dahil rinig na rinig ko naman.

Coach Herald sighed. “Baka mamaya ireklamo mo kami niyan, ha,” sabi niya habang nakatingin sa’kin.

Umiling ako. ” No… The only payment that I want is for you to train me… alongside with them,” I said and pointed at them.

Coach Herald sighed and nodded. “Okay, sige na… Deal.” Inilahad niya ang kamay para makipagkamay sa akin.

I accepted it and smiled. I looked at Rhiatt who’s now glaring at me. Kung nakakamatay ang tingin, patay na ako.

I smiled at him. But he just rolled his eyes at me.

I chuckled. I love my grumpy prince.

Nagpakilala na sila sa akin isa isa… Tumatango na lang ako kahit wala naman akong pakialam kung sino sila. I’m only here for Rhiatt.

They started practicing after that. I was happy because I’m no longer just a watcher.

I watched Rhiatt as he played. Nasa kaniya lang ang tingin ko.

I was smiling from ear to ear, staring at him dreamily… He’s my man.

“Water boy, pahingi ng tubig,” sabi ng teammate ni Rhiatt na pagkakatanda ko ay Noah ang pangalan.

Hindi ko siya pinansin. I was just staring at Rhiatt. Napangiti ako nang makitang papalapit siya rito.

I carried the whole cooler and went to him. I opened it and gave him bottled water. Natigilan ako. Binuksan ko muna iyon bago inabot sa kaniya.

He glared at me. He aggressively took it and drank. Napangiti na lang ako dahil tinanggap niya pa rin iyon.

“Hoy, kami rin pahingi!” asik ni Hugo.

Nagreklamo rin ang iba at nanghihingi ng tubig. I sighed and glared at them.

Kumuha ako ng tig-iisang bottled water at pinagbabato iyon sa kanila. Natamaan pa sa dibdib si Ciro.

“Gago!”

“Tangina, pag sa’min hinahagis?!”

“Coach, cancel mo na nga ‘yan!”

“Tarantado!”

Hindi ko pinansin ang mga sinasabi nila dahil wala naman akong pakialam sa kanila.

Umupo si Rhiatt. Agad akong lumapit sa kaniya at inabutan siya ng towel. Napakunot ang noo niya at kumuha ng sariling towel sa bag niya.

I took a sandwich from my bag and handed it to him. Napangiti ako nang kinuha niya iyon… pero inabot niya naman kay Hugo.

“Sa’yo na, p’re,” he said in a cold tone.

Hugo grinned and showed me the sandwich. “Uy, thank you, Evron. Bait mo naman.”

“I hope you die,” I muttered.

Rhiatt shook his head and took the ball. He walked to the court while dribbling it.

“Evron!”

Natigilan ako nang tawagin niya ako. Napangiti ako at agad na lumapit sa kaniya.

“Do you need anything?” I asked.

He continued dribbling the ball, then he twirled the ball on the tip of his index finger while staring intensely at me.

“Let’s play…” He dribbled it again.

Ah, damn. Why is he staring at me like that while dribbling the ball?

“What?” I asked. Hindi agad nagproseso sa akin ang sinabi niya.

“Let’s see how you play… I’ll judge whether you have a chance in the team or not.” Rhiatt said while staring at me. “One-on-one… Just you and me.”

I gulped… that made me nervous and excited at the same time.

“Kapag naka-shoot ka ng isa, hahayaan kitang maging trainee ni coach sa team… Pero kapag wala kang na-shoot kahit isa… Aalis ka sa team.”

Napalunok ako at napakagat sa ibabang labi ko… I have a problem.

I’ve never played basketball in my whole life.

Chapter Fifty-Three

“There will be no score-basis… All you have to do is to get the ball from me… and shoot it on the ring,” Rhiatt explained while dribbling the ball. “You have thirty minutes. Once your time runs out, you lose…”

I bit my lower lip and gulped. I forced a smile and nodded. “O-okay…”

I know a little bit of basketball rules… but I don’t think that would be enough for me to play against Rhiatt.

He’s a professional… with years of experience.

Rhiatt dribbled the ball. He raised his index finger and gestured for me to come. “Come on… and get the ball.”

His teammates cheered for him. I bit my lower lip and stared at him… Paano ko ba makukuha ang bola sa kaniya?

Lumapit ako sa kaniya. Umatras siya habang dini-dribble ang bola.

Napangisi siya. “Just by looking at you right now, I can already see that you haven’t played basketball before… Walang silbi ang tangkad mo kung hindi mo kayang maglaro…” He chuckled. “You’ll never win against me, Evron.”

I clenched my fists. I ran to him and tried to get the ball. Pero agad siyang nakaatras palayo sa akin. He was fast. Mabilis siyang nakakalayo sa akin. Mabilis niya ring nadi-dribble ang bola.

His teammates laughed on the side.

“Gago, Rhiatt! Maawa ka naman sa kaniya!” natatawang sabi ni Hugo.

“Evron! Ano’ng silbi ng tangkad mo, p’re?!” natatawang sabi naman ni Aldrin.

Napabuga ako ng hangin. Wala akong pakialam sa mga pinagsasasabi nila… Ang gusto ko lang maka-shoot kahit isa para hayaan ako ni Rhiatt sa team.

Tumakbo ako palapit sa kaniya. Agad siyang tumakbo palayo sa akin habang dini-dribble ang bola. Mabilis naman ako… but he was faster than me.

I didn’t give up. I still ran to him and tried to get the ball from him… It was really hard since I’m quite familiar with the rules. Kagabi lang ako nagbasa basa ng mga rules habang naglalaro.

I tried to corner him with my long arms. He was about to run, but I immediately snatched the ball from him. It made me excited.

Agad akong tumakbo papuntang ring. I noticed that Rhiatt was following me, but he wasn’t panicking that I had the ball… I don’t know if he did it on purpose… I mean, letting me have the ball.

Agad akong tumakbo papuntang ring. I was about to shoot the ball, but Rhiatt suddenly went in front of me and jumped for the ball… And just like that, he had the ball again.

I licked my lower lip and sighed. Damn. I knew he wouldn’t make it easy for me.

“Ano, Evron? Suko na?” nakangising tanong niya. “Come on, man… This is really boring.”

Even the smug look on his face was also attractive in my eyes.

Tumakbo ulit ako palapit sa kaniya. I tried to corner him again and get the ball, but his movements were fast. Agad siyang nakaka-atras… and he’s doing that while dribbling the ball.

I tried my best not to be distracted. I was trying to set aside the fact that I love him… because I have to win. But every time I look at him, I get distracted.

I love him.

I shook my head and gulped.
Focus, Evron.

I ran to him and tried to steal the ball. But he wasn’t letting me. Nakakalayo kaagad siya sa akin.

I licked my lower lip and tried to focus as much as I could. I ran to him again, but he kept on running away.

My parents and Evan told me to play basketball because of my height… but I really wasn’t interested. I regret not doing this before.

I ran to him again and tried to steal the ball… he stepped back and dribbled the ball. We kept on doing that… he just kept on avoiding me.

I frustratedly stroked my hair with my fingers and licked my lips. The time was running out.

“Ten minutes left!” Hugo shouted.

Rhiatt grinned while dribbling the ball. “Ano na, Evron? Your monstrous height is nothing after all.”

Hindi ko dinadamdam ang insulto niya sa akin. He can insult me all he wants… I just wanted to shoot the ball just once… I wanted to be by his side without restrictions.

I ran as fast as I could to reach him, then I spread my arms when he was about to escape. I dribbled the ball from him… His eyes widened a bit… based on his reaction, he wasn’t expecting that.

I ran to the ring and tried to shoot the ball… I jumped and tried to shoot it… but I wasn’t able to shoot it. It slipped from my hand.

“Tangina, dude! Bakit hindi mo pa na-shoot ‘yon?!” Ciro asked.

“Gago sa tangkad niyang ‘yan, ‘di talaga siya marunong magbasketball?!” Aldrin shouted.

“Gago kayo! Bakit team Evron kayo?!” Hugo asked.

Rhiatt immediately stole the ball from me and dribbled it. He shook his head and chuckled.

“You already had your chance… You’re hopeless.”

I bit my lower lip and sighed.
Damn.

I ran to him again and tried to steal the ball like I did earlier… but this time, he wasn’t giving me a chance anymore.

And just like that… the 30-minute time ended.

I sighed and wiped my sweat with the back of my hand. Hindi na nagsalita pa si Rhiatt at agad na nagtungo sa teammates niya. I licked my lips and stared at the ball.

I should have practiced first.

Naiinis na sinipa ko ang bola, pero dahilan ‘yon para madulas ako at matumba.

Narinig kong nagtawanan ang teammates ni Rhiatt.

I wish I could kill them.

“Fuck, what happened?!”

Natigilan ako nang agad na tumakbo si Rhiatt papalapit sa akin. I stared at him when he suddenly crouched in front of me and stared at me with a worried expression.

I bit the insides of my cheeks… How can someone be this handsome?

I gulped hard. Actually, it was nothing. It didn’t hurt me… but well…

“Ah…” I groaned and touched my knee. “It hurts,” I muttered.

Bahala na. Desperado na ako.

“Saan ba masakit?” he asked in a worried tone and touched my knee.

I bit my lower lip to suppress my smile.
He’s worried about me.

Naglapitan din sa akin ang ibang teammates niya. I glared at them and gestured to them to stay away, but they didn’t listen.

“Can you stand?” Rhiatt asked and looked at me.

I bit my lower lip and shook my head. “I don’t think I can…” pag-iinarte ko pa.

“Gago, nag-iinarte lang ‘yang kapreng ‘yan, p’re,” Oliver said and laughed.

Rhiatt put my arm around his shoulder and helped me stand. I was fighting the urge to smile.

I could feel my heart beating so fast… I tried my best to act chill even though I’m dying to hug him right now.

“Dalhin ko lang ‘tong ungas na ‘to sa locker room,” sabi ni Rhiatt sa coach niya.

Inalalayan niya ako hanggang sa locker room. Nang kami na lang dalawa, pinaupo niya ako sa mahabang upuan.

“Ano ba kasing katangahan ang ginawa mo?!” asik niya. “Basketball basketball ka pa, wala ka namang binatbat!”

Natigilan ako nang lumuhod siya sa harapan ko. He checked my knee and my leg. I gasped when I felt him touch it.

Ah, calm down, Evron.

“Gusto mo bang magpadala sa ospital?” he asked and looked up at me.

I shook my head. “I want to hug you though.”

Napakunot ang noo niya at namula ang mukha sa inis. “Tangina, mukha ba akong nakikipagbiruan sa’yo?!”

I sighed and stared intently at him. “I miss you… Will you please let me be in the team? I want to be close to you… just like Hugo,” I muttered.

“Sure ka bang hindi si Hugo ang type mo?! Bakit ka ba masyadong bothered kay Hugo?!” asik niya.

I sighed. “He likes you… Ako lang dapat ang may gusto sa’yo.”

He looked at me with disbelief. “I don’t know what to do with you anymore.”

Tumayo na siya at tinalikuran ako. He was about to leave but I immediately held his wrist and pulled him close. Tumayo ako saka humawak sa magkabilang balikat niya. He looked at me…

I sighed while staring at him. He flinched when I touched both of his cheeks. His eyes widened… But he didn’t remove my hands on him. 

“Don’t ever think I will easily give up on you, Rhiatt,” I muttered.

“W-why the fuck are you doing this? K-kung talagang gusto mo ako, then just stop. Humanap ka na lang ng iba…” he said. “What do you even like about me? There’s nothing good about me aside from my looks… If this is because of Russ—”

I cut him off. “Even if Russ tells me he wants to be with me again… I will immediately turn him down… This has nothing to do with Russ… I don’t even see a bit of similarity between the two of you. I love you for you… Don’t even think that your looks are the only good thing about you. You’re perfect. You’re talented. You have a soft side. You have kindness deep inside of you… But damn, to be honest, I still like you even if you have a shitty personality.”

“F-fuck you!” Rhiatt gulped hard and tried to push me, but I held his waist and pulled him closer.

I rested my forehead on his forehead. “You’re the only one I want…” I mumbled. “I’ll lose my goddamn mind if I can’t have you in my life.”

Chapter Fifty-Four

Natalo man ako sa laro naming dalawa ni Rhiatt… pero araw-araw ko pa rin siyang dinadalhan ng pagkain.

He was just giving it to his teammates though. I understand him. Hindi madali para sa kaniya ang pagkatiwalaan ako ulit. No matter how long it takes, I will keep on pursuing him.

“One, two, three…” I muttered while staring at the ring.

I tried to shoot the ball with the proper stance… Napasuntok ako sa hangin nang ma-i-shoot ko na iyon. I’ve been practicing playing basketball for days now. Lahat na yata ng pwede kong panoorin online ay pinanood ko para lang matuto.

Dito sa court ng subdivision ako nagpa-practice. Tuwing madaling araw ako nagp-practice para walang ibang tao.

I went for a jog after practicing. When the sun finally rose, I immediately went home to prepare food for Rhiatt. I searched for all of his favorite food. Lahat ng tungkol sa kaniya ay inalam ko sa mga interviews nila. I took note of everything… Kaya alam na alam ko na.

After preparing food for Rhiatt, I immediately went to their practice venue.

Nakita kong nandoon na si Rhiatt at nagw-warm up. I saw how he rolled his eyes when he saw me. I smiled and waved at him, but he just turned his back on me.

“May dala ka na namang pagkain para sa’min, p’re,” Kieran said and laughed.

“Sa lahat ng nagustuhan mo, si Rhiatt pa talaga,” natatawang sabi rin ni Aldrin.

Hindi ko pinansin ang pinagsasabi nila. Napakunot ang noo ko nang mapansing lumapit na naman ang Hugo na iyon kay Rhiatt.

Ian shook his head. “Bilib kami sa tiyaga mo kunin ang loob ni Rhiatt… pero wala, e… Team Hugo dapat kami.”

I glared at them. “Rhiatt doesn’t like him.”

“Kahit na… dahil tropa namin si Hugo, dapat sa kaniya kami kampi,” Noah said and laughed.

“Problema lang kay Hugo, hindi pa naamin,” Ciro laughed.

“Kinakabahan ‘yon. Tangina, kilala niyo naman si Rhiatt. Baka suntukin ni Rhiatt ‘yon pag umamin,” Oliver chuckled.

Sumasakit ang batok ko sa pinag-uusapan nila. I’m so damn threatened. Hindi ko alam kung paano gumalaw si Hugo… Ni hindi ko rin alam kung ano ang nararamdaman ni Rhiatt ngayon.

He admitted that he likes me… but that was before. Hindi ko alam kung ganoon pa rin ang nararamdaman niya… o baka nalilito lang siya sa nararamdaman niya.

“Rhiatt!”

We all stopped and looked at a small guy running towards Rhiatt. I remember him.

He was wearing a white crop top and pink baggy pants. His hair was tied on top of his head. Rhiatt smiled when he saw him.

“Hi, Kyren,” he greeted him.

That guy named Kyren squealed. “You remembered me!”

I bit my lower lip and clenched my fists… Ang dami kong kaagaw kay Rhiatt.

Napilitan si Hugo lumayo sa dalawa dahil panay ang usap ni Rhiatt at ng Kyren na iyon. Lumapit sa amin si Hugo habang na kina Rhiatt ang tingin.

Kyren asked for a hug again, and Rhiatt hugged him. I closed my eyes tightly and tried to calm myself… Kapag hindi ko nakontrol ang sarili ko baka maitulak ko palayo ang Kyren na iyon.

“Mukhang matatalo kayong dalawa kay Kyren,” natatawang sabi ni Kinu sa amin ni Hugo.

“Okay! Let’s start!”

Natigilan sila nang magsalita si coach. Umupo na lang ako at tahimik na nanood sa kanila.

My forehead creased when Kyren sat beside me and watched them play.

“Grabe, ang cool talaga ni Rhiatt…” he said dreamily while staring at Rhiatt.

I fought the urge to push him… He’s too small. Baka tumalsik siya kapag itinulak ko siya.

“Hello, kuya. Fan ka rin ni Rhiatt?” he asked me.

Hindi ko siya pinansin. Nagpanggap akong hindi ko siya naririnig.

Natigilan ako nang marahan niyang tinapik ang braso ko. Iritadong tumingin ako sa kaniya.

“What?” I asked… I tried my best not to show him that I don’t like him.

Kyren smiled at me. “Fan ka rin ni Rhiatt?”

“I’m his boyfriend,” I corrected him.

He gasped. His eyes widened in shock. “Same pala tayo?”

Napakunot ang noo ko. “Huh?”

“Same pala tayo ng sakit.” He laughed. “Boyfriend ko rin si Rhiatt sa imagination ko.”

Napailing na lang ako at muling ibinaling ang atensyon ko kay Rhiatt… Nasayang ang isang minuto ng buhay ko sa Kyren na ‘to na dapat kay Rhiatt lang nakalaan.

They took a water break after that. I immediately ran to Rhiatt and was about to give him water, but Kyren also did the same.

Rhiatt smiled and took the bottled water from Kyren. “Thanks.”

Kyren giggled. “Y-you’re welcome…”

I cleared my throat and handed Rhiatt the sandwich that I made earlier. “This is your favorite tuna sandwich,” I said and smiled at him.

Rhiatt took it from me, then he gave it to Kyren. “Thanks. I’m sure Kyren will like it.”

Pagkasabi no’n, agad na ring umalis si Rhiatt. Kyren squealed and jumped while holding the sandwich that Rhiatt gave to him.

Hinablot ko iyon mula sa kaniya. Napakurap siya at nagtatakang tumingin sa akin.

“This is not for you.”

Kyren’s eyes squinted. “Yeah… but you gave it to Rhiatt, then Rhiatt gave it to me… so, it’s mine na.”

Napailing na lang ako at nilayasan siya. Wala akong oras sa kaniya.

Agad akong tumakbo palapit kay Rhiatt. He was wiping his sweat.

“Rhiatt… Can we play basketball again? Kaya ko nang maka-shoot,” I proudly said.

Rhiatt raised his eyebrow and looked at me. “Balewala naman ‘yung laro natin dahil kahit natalo ka, panay punta ka pa rin dito,” masungit na sabi niya.

“Sabi mo kapag natalo ako, aalis na ako sa team… But I’m not here as part of the team… I’m here as your suitor so I think it’s okay. Wala akong nilabag,” I smiled.

Rhiatt shook his head. “Dinadaan mo na naman ako sa nonsense mong logic.”

Tumayo na rin agad si Rhiatt at bumalik sa court. They went back to practice.

I watched their game the whole day as usual. Nang matapos ang game nila, agad na rin silang umuwi.

I followed Rhiatt to the parking area. He stopped walking and glared at me.

“Masasapak na kita!” asik niya.

“Pupunta lang ako sa kotse ko,” sabi ko saka tinuro ang kotse ko na katabi lang ng kotse niya.

Napabuga ng hangin si Rhiatt at umiling. Agad siyang sumakay sa kotse niya. Bago niya maisara ang pinto, agad akong lumapit sa kaniya at iniharang ang kamay ko.

“What the hell?!”

I smiled and took his hand. I handed him the keychain that I crocheted myself. It was a small basketball.

“Ano ‘to?” nakakunot-noong tanong niya.

“Keychain… I made it for you. I hope you’ll use it,” I smiled.

He didn’t say anything after that. He just pushed my hand away and closed the car door. He immediately started the engine. Hinabol ko na lang siya ng tingin nang pinaharurot niya ang sasakyan.

I smiled… at least he didn’t throw it away.

Sumakay na rin agad ako sa kotse ko para makauwi na. I still have to wake up early.

I still have a long way to go… I think. Pero hindi naman ako napapagod. My parents taught me to be deserving for someone I love. I saw how they love each other for the past decades. Hanggang ngayon ay mahal na mahal nila ang isa’t isa… My father always make sure that my mother will always feel loved and special. I wanted to be like him.

When I reached home, I immediately got out of my car and was about to open the gate, but I stopped when I looked at Rhiatt’s house.

I froze when I saw him standing there… with Hugo in front of him.

I know they noticed that I was here… but they seemed to be preoccupied. Tila hindi nila magawang pansinin na nandito ako.

I slowly walked towards them… but I still kept my distance, just enough to hear them.

Hugo held his hand and then he handed him a bouquet of flowers. Rhiatt was stunned. He was just staring at Hugo… as if he couldn’t believe it.

“W-what?” Rhiatt asked.

Hugo licked his lower lip. “I-I like you, Rhiatt… Can you give me a chance?”

I bit my lower lip and clenched my fists.

So, he decided to make a move now, huh?

Rhiatt avoided his gaze. “I-I don’t know what to say… I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting this at all…” he stuttered. “Uhm, bye… I-I have other things to do…”

Rhiatt immediately went inside and closed the gate, leaving Hugo there.

Hugo sighed and looked at me. I always see him as the funny one, but right now, he was staring at me with serious eyes.

“Damn, dude… Why the hell are you watching us?” he asked. He looked at my house. “Should I just live here too?”

I walked towards him, clenching my fists. I grinned. “Don’t take your chances, Hugo… He only sees you as a friend.”

“E, ikaw? Kapitbahay?” Hugo chuckled. “Well, let’s see about that, Evron… After all, Rhiatt isn’t even yours.”

I smirked. “As long as I live, you won’t have your chance with Rhiatt.”

I fucking mean it.

Chapter Fifty-Five

To be honest, I wasn’t confident. I just tried my best to look like I am… but I really see Hugo as a threat.

He is a successful basketball player. He is their team’s best player. He is rich too… Mas matagal siyang nakasama ni Rhiatt kaysa sa akin. They were pretty close… Sino ba ang hindi matatakot doon?

Ako… wala naman akong impact sa buhay ni Rhiatt. I was just his neighbor, nothing more. We were not even friends.

I sighed and shook my head. I shouldn’t lose hope. Hindi lang naman si Hugo ang may gusto kay Rhiatt… I have to accept that reality. Marami akong kaagaw kay Rhiatt. I just have to be the best among them.

I went to the court… Natigilan ako nang mapansing nagkukumpulan doon ang teammates ni Rhiatt. Rhiatt wasn’t here yet. Lahat sila ay nakapalibot kay Hugo.

“Iyan ang manok ko! Akala ko hindi ka na aamin kay Rhiatt!” Noah said and tapped Hugo’s shoulder.

“Ano’ng sabi ni Rhiatt, p’re?” Aldrin asked.

Hugo smiled. “Well, he didn’t give me an answer. But he accepted my flowers… I hope that means he’s giving me a chance.”

“Oo ‘yan, p’re. ‘Wag ka lang sumuko. Alam mo naman si Rhiatt, ‘di ba? Parang dragon ‘yan minsan, pero tiyagain mo lang,” Ciro said and chuckled.

“Pero hindi rin biro si Evron, ah. Determinado rin. He’s not that bad either. Medyo delikado kasi alam naman natin parang nagkaroon sila ng something ni Rhiatt…” Oliver said.

“That’s true. Evron is definitely not that bad. He’s tall and handsome. Kulelat lang sa basketball, pero mukhang magaling naman siya sa ibang bagay. He seemed really strong… and he’s really serious about Rhiatt. Matiyaga rin kahit araw-araw nire-reject ni Rhiatt,” Kieran chuckled.

“Bakit? Si Hugo rin naman jackpot. Best player ng Averlands… Matalino, cum laude no’ng college kahit naglalaro ng basketball! Kung hindi nga siya busy no’n sa basketball baka summa cum laude pa siya, e. Licensed civil engineer pa. Rich kid, bunso… may ospital… Doktor at engineer ang parents… Mga kuya at ate mga doktor at engineer. Ay, grabe. Sobrang jackpot, ‘di ba?” sabi ni Kinu saka tumawa.

Mas lalo akong nanliit sa sarili ko. Diantha… and now Hugo. Ako lang ba talaga ang simpleng tao lang sa mga nagkakagusto kay Rhiatt?

“Rhiatt doesn’t care about those things.”

Natigilan silang lahat at napatingin sa akin nang magsalita ako. I walked towards them and put my bag on the seat. They were all looking at me.

“W-well… he’s right. Knowing Rhiatt, he really doesn’t care about someone’s status. He’s pretty rich himself,” Aldrin said and forced a laugh.

Damn, I know that… but it still bothers me. I have nothing much to offer. I was just comforting myself by thinking that Rhiatt doesn’t care about those things.

“Good luck sa inyong dalawa… Hindi kami makikialam sa mga technique niyo. May the best man win na lang siguro…” Oliver said and laughed awkwardly.

Natigilan kaming lahat nang dumating si Rhiatt.

Nakakunot ang noo niya. “Anong tinutunganga niyo riyan?”

“Sorry, boss. Ito na po…”

“Sorry, ha. Nahiya naman kami sa’yo na laging late.”

Nag-alisan na rin sila at nagsimula nang mag-warm up. Rhiatt shook his head and started warming up too.

Lumapit ako sa kaniya. “Good morning, Rhiatt…” I greeted him with a smile.

Hindi siya nagsalita at naglakad na lang palayo sa akin saka muling tumuloy sa pagwa-warm up.

Pasimple akong tumingin sa bag niya na nasa upuan… I was hoping the keychain that I made for him was there… but it wasn’t there. I sighed. It’s okay… I still have a long way to go.

I watched their practice. I don’t know why I feel uneasy… lalo kapag nakikita kong lalapit si Hugo kay Rhiatt. Rhiatt was just keeping it cool. Nakikipag-apir pa rin naman siya kay Hugo.

“Evron…”

Natigilan ako nang umupo si coach sa tabi ko. He tapped my shoulder and smiled at me.

“I know you’re just here because of Rhiatt.”

I chuckled and touched my nape. “Yeah… I’m not hiding that fact.” I smiled at him. “By the way, coach, thank you for not judging Rhiatt because of what you saw back then… I mean, his sexuality… Thank you for still letting him in the team,” I muttered.

Coach chuckled. “To be honest, the manager wants him out of the team… I just did my best to convince the higher ups. Someone’s sexual orientation shouldn’t be an issue in the first place… You don’t have to thank me for that. Rhiatt is a great player. He really seemed to be enjoying basketball. I’m just thankful that his teammates think the same way… Kaya hindi ako makapag-retire dahil parang anak ko na ang mga ‘yan.”

I stared at him. He was really open minded and kind. I admire him for that. He was not here just because of money… he was really enjoying what he was doing.

He tapped my shoulder. “You’re practicing basketball… right?”

Natigilan ako sa tanong niya. “H-how did you know?”

“Pakiramdam ko lang,” he chuckled. “You’re someone who’ll do everything for Rhiatt.”

I smiled and nodded. “You’re right about that.”

“Rhiatt can be pretty hard to deal with, but I hope you won’t give up. He’s like my son, you know… Be the best man for him. I will be the first one to come for you if you hurt him.” He stood up and tapped my shoulder.

I’m happy that there’s someone like him in Rhiatt’s life. I didn’t expect the coach to be this kind and caring.

Natigilan ako nang umupo si Rhiatt at uminom ng tubig. I immediately took the towel in my bag and went to him. I handed him the towel, but Hugo immediately sat beside him and handed him a towel.

Rhiatt smiled. “Thanks, p’re… pero may dala na ako,” sabi ni Rhiatt saka kinuha ang towel sa bag niya.

I took the packed lunch that I prepared for him in my bag. Natigilan na lang ako nang unahan ako ni Hugo. Inabutan niya ng packed lunch si Rhiatt.

Umupo rin ako sa tabi ni Rhiatt at inabot sa kaniya ang sa akin. “Rhiatt… I prepared lunch for you.”

Natigilan siya at napatingin sa lunch box na dala namin ni Hugo.

“Fuck,” he muttered. He stood up. “You two don’t have to do this.”

Tumayo ako at lumapit sa kaniya. “I want to do this though…” I smiled at him. “You like seafood, right? I cooked shrimps for you, but don’t worry, binalatan ko na…”

Hugo stood up. “I know you like lobsters more, Rhiatt…”

“‘Di kaya mangamoy seafood si Rhiatt niyan, guys? Sa’kin niyo na lang bigay ‘yan,” Noah laughed.

Binatukan ni Ciro si Noah.

Kinuha ni Rhiatt pareho ang lunch box namin ni Hugo. He gave the packed lunch that I made to Noah… and Hugo’s packed lunch to Aldrin.

Tumingin siya sa amin pagkatapos. “You two… stop this.” He glared at us. “Ayokong magpaligaw. Mukha ba akong kaligaw ligaw sa inyo? Mas lalaking lalaki pa ‘ko kumilos sa inyong dalawa!”

“Medyo true,” side comment ni Oliver.

Rhiatt shook his head. Tumingin siya kay coach. “Coach, mauna na muna ako…”

Coach nodded. “Okay…”

Rhiatt took his bag and stood up, and then left. Dali dali kong kinuha ang bag ko at akmang susunod kay Rhiatt, pero agad na humawak si Hugo sa balikat ko.

“I think we should give him some space…” he muttered.

Inalis ko ang pagkakahawak niya sa balikat ko. “Don’t tell me what to do,” I said in a cold tone.

Agad kong hinabol si Rhiatt. Nakita ko siya na nasa tapat ng kotse niya, at may kausap na lalaki. Napakunot ang noo ko at agad na lumapit sa kanila.

The other man grinned. “Excited na ‘kong maglaro ka ulit para madurog kita sa court… Okay na ‘yang balikat mo, ‘di ba?” tanong pa ng lalaki.

So, he was a basketball player too.

Rhiatt didn’t look at me. Hindi rin ako nilingon ng lalaking kausap niya. Rhiatt was just staring at the man in front of him as if he was so damn bored.

“When did you even win against me?” Rhiatt smirked.

The man’s grin faded. “Ang yabang mo, ah… Parang hindi ka bakla… Bakla ka, ‘di ba?” nakangising tanong niya.

Napakuyom ang kamao ko. I could feel my pulse racing out of anger.

The man laughed. “Ano? Bakla ka raw, e. Subo mo nga ‘to,” he said in a mocking voice.

Ah. Fuck!

I clenched my fists as hard as I could… ready to punch him.

Pero inunahan ako ni Rhiatt. Rhiatt punched him so hard. Bumagsak at natumba sa sahig ang lalaki.

Napangisi si Rhiatt saka pinatunog ang mga buto sa kamay. “Bakit hindi mo isubo ‘tong kamao ko? Tangina mo.”

My lips parted. I stared at him with disbelief.

I just fell in love with him even more.

Chapter Fifty-Six

“Fuck! Did you just fucking punch me?!” the man shouted.

Rhiatt nodded. “Yes, dude. I punched you… Why? Are you going to report it to the police or something?” He crouched down and stared at the man. “Pero kaya mo ‘yon? Sasabihin mo sa pulis, sinuntok ka ng bakla?” napangisi si Rhiatt. Tumayo si Rhiatt saka napahawak sa batok niya. “If you like me, you can just say so, dude…”

The man glared at him. His whole face was red. Halos pumutok ang ugat nito sa noo sa galit. Agad na tumayo ang lalaki at kinwelyuhan si Rhiatt. He was about to punch Rhiatt. Agad kong hinablot ang damit niya mula sa likuran saka hinila siya palayo kay Rhiatt.

“Don’t you fucking dare…” I muttered. I was way taller than him. He was taken aback when he saw me.

Marahas na inalis niya ang pagkakahawak ko sa kaniya saka tumingin nang masama kay Rhiatt.

“May araw ka rin sa’king bakla ka,” pagbabanta niya.

I pushed him and glared at him. “Don’t make me lose my patience, asshole!”

I clenched my fist, ready to punch him. Rhiatt gripped my arm and pushed me away from that horrible man.

Umalis na lang ang lalaki habang nakahawak sa pisngi niya na sinuntok ni Rhiatt.

Nag-aalalang nilingon ko si Rhiatt. Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya. Namumula ang kamao niya.

“Did you get hurt?” I asked and looked at him.

He pushed my chest. “Hindi… Ako nga ang nanuntok, ‘di ba?” he said in a sarcastic manner.

I sighed. “I’m sorry… This is all happening to you because of what I did…” I licked my lower lip and lowered my gaze. “I-I’m really sorry, Rhiatt.”

Rhiatt pushed me away and glared at me. “‘Wag ka na nga mag-sorry! Kaya ko namang protektahan ang sarili ko sa mga gagong tulad no’n!”

Agad siyang nagtungo sa kotse niya at pumasok doon. Napabuga na lang ako ng hangin at hinabol ng tingin ang papalayo niyang kotse.

I’m really worried about him though. I know most basketball players can be homophobic… I’m worried that he might be bullied once the PBA game starts again.

But thinking about it, he has good friends with him. Sa pagkakakilala ko sa teammates niya, hindi nila hahayaang ganunin si Rhiatt.

And I’m here too. I will always protect Rhiatt in the best way I can.

I went home too after that.

Tumingin ako sa bahay ni Rhiatt. I really want to see him. I want to know if he’s okay.

Napabuga ako ng hangin. Pinakain ko na lang si Peanut saka inayos ko ang mga halaman at bulaklak sa paso. Isa isa kong inilabas ang mga iyon saka inilagay sa tapat ng bahay ni Rhiatt.

In one of his interviews, he mentioned that he likes plants and flowers. Gusto niya raw ang mga iyon sa labas ng bahay niya, pero hindi niya magawa dahil baka hindi niya maalagaan since palagi siyang busy.

I patted the soil on the pot. I froze when I heard the gate open. I looked up at Rhiatt. He sighed and stroked his hair.

“Ano na naman ‘to, Evron?” he asked.

I stood up and smiled at him. “I heard you like plants and flowers. You don’t have to worry this time because I’ll take care of them.”

Rhiatt’s forehead creased. “If you’re talking about that specific interview… that was two years ago, Evron… I don’t like plants anymore.”

I nodded. “Oh, is that so?” I bit my lower lip.

Pakiramdam ko double meaning iyon. Maybe he’s also pertaining to the fact that he used to like me, but now he doesn’t like me anymore.

“Let them be here… Maganda pa rin na may halaman sa bahay,” sabi ko na lang saka ngumiti sa kaniya.

Rhiatt sighed. “Evron… when are you planning to give up? Kailan mo ba ititigil ‘to?”

I shook my head. “Hindi ako titigil. Kahit maging tayo na, hindi pa rin ako titigil suyuin ka.”

I know. Advance ako masyado mag-isip… I’m trying my best to be positive. Iyon lang naman kasi ang gusto kong kahinatnan namin. Kung hindi siya para sa akin… ipipilit ko.

Rhiatt took a pot and gave it to me. Natigilan ako at nagtatakang tumingin sa kaniya.

“Ibalik mo sa inyo ang mga ‘yan… kung ayaw mong basagin ko ‘yan lahat…” he said in a cold tone and then turned his back on me. Isinara niya rin agad ang gate.

Napabuga ako ng hangin at ibinalik ang pot sa kinalalagyan nito kanina.

I’m sorry, Rhiatt… I really want you in my life. Kahit makulitan ka sa akin… I will still pursue you.

I went back home and took a quick shower. Nagtungo ako sa kuwarto ko pagkatapos at kinuha ang sketchpad at sketching and coloring materials na binili ko.

I sat on my bed and rested my back on the headboard.

I closed my eyes and tried to imagine the best image of Rhiatt… but it was so hard. He looks the best in everything.

I smiled and opened my eyes. I took a pencil and started sketching him in my imagination.

I’m not good at this. Actually, I suck at this… but he drew me before… I wanted to do the same thing.

I did my best to draw him. Nakailang punit ako sa sketchpad dahil hindi ako ma-satisfy.

I looked at my hand… Do I even deserve to draw Rhiatt?

I shook my head and went back to what I was doing. I can do this.

I spent hours sketching Rhiatt’s portrait. I sketched a smiling portrait of him wearing his jersey while holding a ball.

“I hope it’s not that bad,” I muttered while staring at the finished sketch.

I wanted to color it… pero baka pumangit lang kapag kinulayan ko.

I looked at the wall clock. It’s already 8 p.m.

Inilagay ko sa bedside table ang sketchpad saka humawak sa balikat ko at minasahe iyon.

Lumabas ako ng bahay pagkatapos para silipin si Rhiatt. Natigilan ako nang mapansin na may dalawang tao sa tapat ng bahay niya. Rhiatt was standing in front of them.

They seemed to be a couple… they seemed to be in their 50s or something.

“Ikaw ang nag-iisang anak naming lalaki, Rhiatt… I still can’t believe you end up like that,” the woman said.

Ah… They’re his parents.

Rhiatt sighed. “Like what?”

“You know what I mean, Rhiatt! Go back home. Diantha told us about wanting to marry you. Fix your life and just marry her… Kakalimutan na natin pareho ang nangyari,” his father said.

Rhiatt shook his head. “I will do what I want… Please don’t tell me what to do.”

Rhiatt was taken aback when his father punched him.

Naikuyom ko ang mga kamao ko at lumapit sa kanila. My presence didn’t budge them…

I was bothered by the fact that his mother didn’t seem to mind that his husband just punched their son.

“Hindi ko na alam kung hanggang saan pa kita kayang pagpasensyahan, Rhiatt!” asik ng tatay niya. “We’re doing this for you!”

Rhiatt sighed. “Are you really doing this for me? Para sa’kin ba talaga o para sa inyo?”

Muling umamba ng suntok ang tatay ni Rhiatt… Pero hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko. Iniharang ko ang sarili ko kay Rhiatt. I caught his father’s fist.

I clenched my jaw and stared at him. “Please don’t do this, Sir…” I muttered.

“Who the hell are you?!” asik niya saka inalis ang kamao sa akin. “Bakit ka nakikialam sa amin?!”

Rhiatt’s mother gasped when she saw me. “S-siya ‘yon… ‘Y-yung kasama ni Rhiatt sa restaurant…”

Rhiatt’s father glared at me. He pushed me away from Rhiatt. Kinwelyuhan niya si Rhiatt at akmang susuntukin ulit ito… pero agad kong hinawakan ang braso niya.

I pulled Rhiatt away from him. I hid him behind me and faced his father.

Rhiatt was unusually quiet… He always seemed brave and strong… but this time, he seemed weak.

It makes me want to protect him even more.

“I’m trying my best to respect you, because you’re Rhiatt’s father… but please don’t hurt him again,” I said and clenched my fist. “If you hurt him again, even if you’re his father… I won’t let it slide.”

His eyes squinted. “Are you threatening me?”

I stared intently at him. “Yes, I’m threatening you, Sir… I’m fighting so hard not to punch you in the face for hurting Rhiatt… So please… Don’t make me lose it.”

Chapter Fifty-Seven

“Lumayo layo ka sa anak ko! Sa susunod na makita kitang kasama si Rhiatt, malilintikan ka sa’kin!” pananakot ng tatay ni Rhiatt sa akin.

Rhiatt’s mother held his arm. “Sa susunod na natin kausapin si Rhiatt…”

Napabuga ng hangin ang tatay ni Rhiatt saka inayos ang sariling damit nito. Wala na silang nagawa pa at sumakay na sa kotse nila saka umalis.

I know I won’t be able to get their approval anymore because of what I did… but I don’t want to see Rhiatt get hurt. I’ll protect him even from his own family. Hindi ko kayang makita na ginagano’n siya… Kahit pamilya niya, handa kong harapin.

I faced Rhiatt. I sighed when I saw a bruise on the side of his lips…

His parents are worse than I thought. How can they do this to him just because of his sexuality?

“Rhiatt… Do you have a first aid kit in your house?” I asked in a soft tone.

Rhiatt didn’t say anything. He was just staring at the ground… tila ba walang ibang pumapasok sa isip niya sa mga oras na ito.

It made me so worried. It seemed like he wanted to cry, but he was also fighting it.

I held his hand and closed the gate of his house. I pulled him to my house. Hindi siya kumontra o nagsalita. Nagpatianod lang siya sa akin.

Agad kaming pumasok sa bahay ko. I made him sit on my couch and immediately ran to my room to get my first aid kit. I took a small towel first and washed it.

Bumalik ako sa living room at nandoon pa rin si Rhiatt at nakatitig sa kawalan. Napabuga ako ng hangin at umupo sa tabi niya.

“Rhiatt…” I gently touched his cheek and made him face me.

He looked at me… I sighed and started wiping the blood on the side of his lips as gently as I could. Pagkatapos no’n ay nilagyan ko ng gamot iyon. Mukhang hindi naman siya nasasaktan dahil wala siyang reaksyon.

Nang matapos ako, agad ko nang inilagay ang first aid kit sa center table. I held Rhiatt’s hands and stared at him.

“Rhiatt… Are you okay?” I asked. I know it was foolish of me to ask such an obvious question.

Rhiatt gulped and sighed. “I don’t know. Hindi naman ako lumaking takot sa parents ko… but this time I just feel like…” He clasped his chest. “I-I just feel like this feeling is familiar… It makes me uncomfortable.”

He really seemed uneasy. Seeing him like this makes me worry.

“Is this the first time that they did this?” I asked. “I mean… hurt you?”

Rhiatt shook his head. “Not really… I don’t know. Maybe I just don’t feel good disappointing them. My sister revealed that she’s lesbian just recently… tapos ako…” natigilan siya. “I’m still confused about myself…”

I sighed and touched his cheeks. Natigilan siya at napatingin sa akin.

“Rhiatt… Be gentle to yourself. You don’t have to figure things out immediately. Take your time. It’s okay to be confused… The important thing for now is your happiness. You should just continue doing things that make you happy… In the end, whatever answer you come up with, you should be proud of yourself. You should be proud of who you are… So for now, take your time… and just enjoy things. Don’t let others take your happiness away from you… even if they’re your parents.”

Rhiatt stared at me like a lost kid. I fought the urge to hug him because I didn’t want to ruin the moment. Sa ngayon, masaya na ako na hinahayaan niya akong i-comfort siya kahit sa ganitong paraan.

“Do you really like me, Evron?” he asked in a low tone.

I gulped. That was an unexpected question.

I shook my head. “N-no.”

Halatang natigilan siya sa tanong ko. He looked at me with disbelief. His beautiful eyes widened.

“Huh?” he asked.

I gently caressed his hand. “I love you…” I smiled. “I thought I liked you… but I realized it was more than that. I’m in love with you, Rhiatt.”

He sighed and avoided my gaze. Inalis niya ang mga kamay niya mula sa pagkakahawak ko.

“It makes no sense…” he muttered.

I really wanted to tell him about our childhood… pero alam kong hindi niya maaalala iyon.

“It makes sense… You’re lovable…” I murmured. “You’re kind to animals. You don’t want to see other people getting bullied. You always protect other people even if they have nothing to do with you… You’re also willing to improve and change… You’re admirable.”

Rhiatt shook his head. “Damn… I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

I chuckled. “I see you in a different light… so I don’t think you will understand.”

He sighed. “Don’t you even care about your brother anymore? Siguradong magagalit siya kapag pinagpilitan mo ang sarili mo sa akin,” nakakakunot noong sabi niya.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit parang sumaya ako nang makitang nakakunot na ang noo niya. Kanina kasi mukha siyang wala sa sarili. Seeing him mad feels like he’s in his natural self again.

“Okay lang kay Evan… He supports me with this. Hindi mo rin ba nakita? He posted to clear your name too… Approved na sa kaniya ito…” I said in a hopeful tone, trying to convince him.

Rhiatt sighed. “He doesn’t have to do that. Nakita ko ang post niya na ‘yon. Na-bash pa tuloy siya…” he smiled. “I’m thankful though.”

My heart jumped when I saw him smile. He has the most beautiful smile. I’d kill just to see that smile everyday. Mas posible pa yatang manalo ako sa lotto kaysa makita siyang ngumiti araw-araw.

Rhiatt shook his head and looked at me. “Mabait lang si Evan kaya niya nasabi ‘yon sa’yo… pero siguradong masasaktan siya kapag nakipagrelasyon ang kuya niya sa akin…”

I smiled. “Hindi ‘yan… Try natin?”

Napakunot lalo ang noo niya saka itinulak ako palayo sa kaniya. “Tangina! Ewan ko sa’yo! Makauwi na nga!” asik niya saka agad na tumayo.

Agad din akong tumayo. “Ihahatid na kita.”

“Tangina sa tabi lang bahay ko, oh. OA mo…” iritadong sabi niya.

Hindi pa rin ako nagpapigil at sinundan siya palabas. Inihatid ko pa rin siya sa kanila kahit na magkalapit lang kami ng bahay.

“Rhiatt… Good night,” I said and smiled when we’re already in front of his house.

Rhiatt raised his middle finger at me. “Yeah, fuck you too.”

I felt like we’re improving. It makes me happy.

“You don’t have to worry… I’ll save money for our future house. Sa isang bahay rin tayo titira kapag sinagot mo na ‘ko,” I said with a smile on my face.

Rhiatt’s face reddened out of anger. “Tangina mo! Ewan ko sa’yo! Umalis ka na nga!” asik niya saka pinagsarhan na ako ng gate.

Napangiti na lang ako at napahawak sa batok ko habang naglalakad pabalik sa bahay… Mas lalo akong ginanahan na pag-igihan ang pagpapatayo ng iba’t ibang branch ng gym.

I’m planning to change its name too. Yara always said that
Muscle Fitness Gym
was too boring. I’m planning to change it into
Rhiatt Fitness Gym.

It sounds okay, right?

I made meal prep for tomorrow first before I went to my room. I was really hoping that Rhiatt would accept the food that I prepared this time… pero ayos lang din naman kung hindi.

Natigilan ako nang tumunog ang phone ko nang umupo ako sa kama. I took my phone… and I froze when I saw that Rhiatt started a live video on Facebook.

Mas mabilis pa sa kidlat na pinindot ko ang notification.

Napalunok ako nang makitang inaayos ni Rhiatt ang buhok niya habang nakatingin sa camera. He was sitting on his bed too.

Oh, damn. Dadami na naman ang kaagaw ko.

He smiled and waved at the camera.
“Hi, everyone…”

Mayroon kaagad four thousand views kahit kakasimula pa lang niya mag-live… at nadadagdagan pa iyon.

Dinagsa rin agad ng comments.

First time niya mag-live!

Grabe ang pogi huhu

Sige na beh pinapatawad na kita kahit masama raw ugali mo. POGI!

Rhiatt one chance lang fls!!!

May sugat siya sa lips guys nagkiss kasi kami

Hahahha bakla naman yan eh

↳ Kuya ang mga pangit e dapat nananahimik na lang

Agad din akong nag-comment.

Evron:

I love you, Rhiatt

Mukhang hindi niya napansin ang comment ko dahil sa dami ng nagco-comment sa kaniya. Kaya tinadtaran ko ng
I love you
ang comment section.

He cleared his throat and smiled.
Fuck. He’s so damn handsome.
Bawat segundo yata ay ini-i-screenshot ko.

“This will be just a short live… since I wanted to announce something.”

The comment section was wild.

Wag mo muna i-reveal relasyon natin beh!

Okay fine sinasagot na kita Rhiatt!!!

I love you Rhiatt!!! please kahit one minute na relasyon lang tapos ako na bahala mag move on!!!

Rhiatt chuckled before he spoke.
“I know most of you have one question in mind about me… Most of you are curious about my sexuality… So, I’ll give you my answer now.”

Chapter Fifty-Eight

“I know I’m not obligated to tell anyone about who I really am… about my sexuality. But this time, I think it’s okay. Someone told me to take my time… and that it’s okay if I’m still confused… But I know to myself who I really am… I was just scared at first.”

I wasn’t moving at all. I was just staring at my screen… listening to every word that Rhiatt says.

“My parents… they’re religious. I have no problem with that. I’m not as deeply religious as they are, but I do love and fear God… I just wasn’t really open-minded about things. There were certain things that were instilled in my mind growing up… and one of them is to not accept and respect homosexual people, or those members of LGBTQIA+ and I used to think that it doesn’t make sense. Why would people like someone of the same gender? The only acceptable genders that I thought of were male and female… that’s it. ‘Yung tsismis na kumalat na homophobic ako…”
he trailed off…
“Well… I wasn’t denying that. I used to be like that… It’s disappointing, right?”

I was staring intently at him. It was brave of him to do this… even if he’s obviously still scared.

“I wasn’t blaming my parents at all… because I’m a grown ass man with a developed frontal lobe. I should already know what’s right and wrong… but I still chose to be an asshole. I really hated myself for that. I did a lot of things in the past that I really regret until now… I was so hateful… and fucked up.

At first, I really didn’t understand those people around me… My sister, my cousin… Why are they like that? Isn’t it odd? A girl who likes a girl… A boy who likes a boy… I really didn’t understand why they’re like that… Akala ko sila ang may mali… pero ako pala. Naintindihan ko lang noong nangyari na sa akin. Nagkagusto ako sa lalaki…”
he smiled.

I bit my lower lip. My hands were sweating. Hindi ko alam ang dapat kong maramdaman…

Aww, you’re so brave for this Rhiatt.

Hugs for you, bebe Rhiatt!

Tangina bakla HAHAHA

↳
Tangina pangit HAHAHA

Rhiatt sighed before he spoke.
“I was really confused at first. Hindi ko kaagad natanggap noong una. I hated those kinds of people… and oddly, I became like them? Iyon ang pumasok sa isip ko. I hated myself. To be honest, I found it weird and disgusting. I had so many questions…

But my cousin told me… is that really that important? He asked me… Hindi ba’t ang nararamdaman ko ang mahalaga?

I realized a lot of things. I’ve learned a lot of things… I’ve learned that we can love whoever we want… regardless of their gender. We can be whoever we want… We can express ourselves in whatever way we want… I realized that those things shouldn’t be a problem in the first place… I realized that I was just making my life miserable and difficult by hating people based on how they express themselves… based on the people that they love… based on who they are. I realized… why am I making it a big deal? I realized… there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. We can be whoever we want as long as we’re not hurting other people… Life became so much better for me after realizing those things.”

I smiled while watching him. He was smiling genuinely… as if he removed a heavy burden in his heart.

“I honestly hate the fact that it took me a long time to learn my lesson. I’m really sorry to those who I’ve hurt in the past. Kinailangan ko munang pagdaanan bago ako natuto… Sana pala noon pa. I’m still learning… I’m still improving… Someone said that I just have to be gentle to myself and take things slow… That’s what I’m doing right now.

I’m slowly learning all of the gender identities and sexual orientations there are… But to finally answer your question… I had relationships with women in the past… at kung ma-in love man sa babae, I’m not closing off possibilities of having a relationship with a woman in the future… but right now, I like a man… and I’m also not closing off possibilities of having a relationship with someone of the same sex… Well… I really don’t care anymore. If I love someone, wala na akong pakialam sa gender identity niya… I don’t mind if that person is a woman, a man… if that person is gay, bisexual, or pansexual… If I love someone, I will love that person regardless of that person’s gender.”

I bit my lower lip while staring at him… I can’t believe this man.

Rhiatt smiled.
“I’m pansexual.”

OMG! HUHU WE LOVE YOU!

Rhiatt nakakaproud ka!

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that!! We are free to love whoever we want!

Kyren:

I was already your fan kahit nung mga panahong red flag ka pa, but now GRABE LALONG DADAMI KAAGAW KO SAYO???

I was still staring at him. I smiled and touched his face on the screen… I wanted to hug him right now.

“To those who are still confused… To those who are hiding… To those who are proud and open… You’re free to be who you are, to express who you are, and to love whoever you want… I know it’s a bit late… but happy pride month to all of you.”

Doon na natapos ang live niya. Nanghihinang ibinagsak ko ang sarili ko sa kama saka napatitig sa kisame.

I touched my forehead. My pulse was racing… My heart was beating so loudly that I could almost hear it.

I sighed.

I just fell in love with Rhiatt even more.

Agad akong bumalikwas ng bangon. I immediately ran out of my room. Lumabas ako ng bahay at agad na dumiretso sa bahay ni Rhiatt. I immediately pressed the doorbell the moment I was in front of his house… To be honest, I wasn’t expecting him to open his gate for me…

But he did.

It made my heart jump out of happiness… He makes me so happy.

“Ano na naman ba?!” agad na bungad niya sa akin.

I fought the urge to laugh… This man never fails to amaze me.

I smiled. “Rhiatt… I want to make things right too… just like you did.”

Napakunot ang noo niya. “Pinagsasabi mo ba?” masungit na tanong niya.

I took a deep breath. “I know it will be hard for you to trust me again… But please… Give me one more chance to prove myself to you… Give me a chance to show what I truly feel for you…”

Rhiatt stared at me. He sighed and crossed his arms. “What do you mean?”

I gulped hard and licked my lower lip. “I-I have a surprise for you… I-I know it would be hard for you to trust me… but like I said, I would like to make things right—”

He cut me off. “I won’t come.”

Agad niya akong pinagsaraduhan ng gate… But I’m not planning to give up.

“Rhiatt! I will send the address to your email! Please give me a chance!” I shouted.

“Hoy! Sino ba ‘yan! May natutulog na!”

Napatakip ako sa bibig ko nang may sumigaw na kapitbahay.

I immediately took my phone and typed Rhiatt’s email address… I saw it on his facebook account and then I memorized it. I sent him the address.

I already had it prepared for the past few days… Sana pumunta siya.

Chapter Fifty-Nine

“Hmm… I hope it looks good,” I muttered.

I was pasting edited pictures of me and Rhiatt on heart-shaped colored papers. We don’t have photos together, so I just edited them. Pinagdidikit ko lang ang pictures namin sa editing app.

Napatingin ako sa set-up na ginawa ko. I reserved the rooftop of a huge luxurious hotel. I prepared a candlelit dinner… I cooked the dishes myself. Nakadikit ang mga heart-shaped edited pictures namin ni Rhiatt sa rooftop railings. Halos mapuno iyon ng pictures.

Naka-display rin sa canvas stand ang sketch na ginawa ko para kay Rhiatt. I prepared a fireworks display for him. I planned to hire musicians for a romantic vibe at first, but instead of that, I just practiced playing a guitar so that I can sing a song for him, even though I’m a horrible singer.

Isang kanta lang ang p-in-ractice ko. ‘Yung kakantahin ko lang para kay Rhiatt ngayon. Sa mga susunod, magpa-practice pa ako ng iba para makantahan ko si Rhiatt kapag gusto niya.

I looked at my phone when it vibrated. My eyes widened when I saw Rhiatt replied to my email.

Rhiatt De Roxas:

I fucking hate cliché surprises.

Napalunok ako nang mabasa ko iyon. I looked around… I wanted to punch myself when I realized that everything I prepared for was that
fucking cliché
that he was talking about.

I’m done for.

But my face immediately beamed when I realized something. He replied to me… Does that mean he’s planning to come?!

It made me excited. I punched the air and chuckled.

I sat on the chair and took my guitar. It’s still 7:30 p.m. and I told him to come at 8 p.m.

I still have thirty minutes to prepare myself.

I just practiced playing guitar a little bit more. Hindi na ako gaanong nagkakamali hindi katulad noong mga nauna… Kaso baka kabahan ako kapag nanonood na si Rhiatt.

I licked my lower lip and took my phone. Nag-message ako sa group chat naming pamilya.

Me:

Nana and Tata. I’m courting someone. Kapag pumayag siya, ipapakilala ko siya sa inyo.

Nana:

Hahaha! Excited na ko nak!

Tata:

Pgbutihn u nak pra mpasagot mo hahahha

Me:

Opo, Tata. I will love him with all that I have gaya ng ginagawa mo kay Nana.

Tata:

Gnyan dpat nak proud aq sau

Nana:

Good luck nak, I love you

Evan:

Good luck, kuya!

Evan sent a picture of him with his foreigner friends.

Me:

Thanks! I love you all.

I took a deep breath. I aspire to be like my father… I’ve seen how much he loves Nana. Ni hindi nabawasan man lang ang pagmamahal nila sa isa’t isa sa mga nagdaang taon.

I practiced playing guitar again… hanggang sa nagdaan ang mga oras.

Napatingin ako sa relo ko… It’s already 10 p.m.

Natigilan ako nang mag-message sa akin ang magpapaputok ng fireworks.

Boss di pa ba sisimulan?

Napalunok ako at nag-send ng panibagong email kay Rhiatt.

Hi, Rhiatt. Did something happen?

He didn’t reply.

I still waited for him… for another hour… and another hour. It’s already 12 midnight.

I sighed and hugged myself… It was quite cold.

I sent another email to Rhiatt… Hindi ko alam kung pupunta pa siya.

I wasn’t mad at him or anything. I understand… It’s just too bad, I didn’t get to show him my surprise.

Natigilan ako nang makarinig ng takbo. Agad akong napatayo.

I saw Rhiatt catching his breath while staring at me. “Fuck, asshole… D-did you really fucking wait for that long?” he asked… still catching his breath.

I smiled. “You came…”

Rhiatt bit his lower lip and avoided my gaze. “I fell asleep… and that fucking elevator here is suddenly under maintenance. I had to fucking use the stairs! Can you imagine that?! Fuck that shit—”

I immediately ran to him and hugged him. Natigilan siya sa ginawa ko. I hugged him so tight… He froze.

I wanted to tell him that there’s another elevator… pero baka magwala lang siya sa galit. I just hugged him and felt his warmth. I was so damn happy that he’s here. Parang sasabog ako sa tuwa.

Tila nataranta siya at agad akong itinulak. “W-what the fuck?” he muttered.

Nanginginig ang mga kamay na kinuha ko ang phone ko. Agad kong t-in-ext ang taong magpapaputok ng fireworks.

Sir, I’m really really sorry for the delay. I’ll pay you thrice… no five times of what we originally talked about… Please light it up now.

After sending that, I held Rhiatt’s hand and led him to his seat. Natigilan siya nang mapatingin sa paligid.

“Damn, Evron…” he muttered. He looked at the railings. He looked horrified. “The fuck?!”

I bit my lower lip and smiled at him. “Did you like it?”

Napapikit si Rhiatt at humawak sa batok niya. “This is not the Evron I know…” he whispered.

Natigilan kaming pareho nang magsimula na ang fireworks. Rhiatt looked at me and crossed his arms.

“Tangina, dude. Pakana mo rin ‘yan?” he asked and pointed to the sky.

I shook my head. “Hindi, ah. Nagkataon lang ‘yan,” pagpa-patay malisya ko.

Rhiatt shook his head. “Wow… This is really
not
cliché at all,” he said in a sarcastic manner.

I chuckled. “I’m sorry…”

Rhiatt poked the insides of his cheek with his tongue. “I can’t believe this guy…” he whispered.

Bumagsak ang mga balikat ko nang ma-realize ko na malamig na ang mga pagkain. Tinakpan ko ang mga iyon, pero malamig na.

“Rhiatt… I’m sorry. The food’s already cold,” I muttered.

“Bakit ka ba nagso-sorry, e, ako nga ‘tong na-late?!” asik niya.

“Okay lang na late… You don’t know how thankful I am that you came…” I said and smiled at him.

Rhiatt cleared his throat and avoided my gaze. He just looked at the sky and watched the fireworks.

I was just staring at him. He seemed fascinated. I smiled. I should be watching the fireworks… but I couldn’t get my eyes off him. I don’t know the right words to describe him… In my eyes, he’s beautiful… he’s handsome… he can be adorable too. Every part of him is perfect…

After the fireworks display, I immediately stood up and took the sketch and showed it to him.

“I’m not as good as you when it comes to this… Uhm… But I hope you like it,” I whispered.

Rhiatt chuckled the moment he saw my sketch. “Damn… Is this even me?”

I smiled seeing his reaction. Kahit pagtawanan niya pa iyon ay ayos lang… I’m happy that I made him laugh.

I took a deep breath and took my guitar. Natigilan si Rhiatt at tumingin sa akin nang hilahin ko ang isang upuan. Ipinatong ko ang isang paa ko ro’n, saka ipinatong ko naman ang gitara sa hita ko.

“You know how to play guitar?” he asked in disbelief.

“A little bit…” I smiled. “I will sing a song for you, Rhiatt.”

I started strumming the guitar.

“When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love…”

He was staring at me. I was nervous. I could feel my hands shaking… I know my voice sounds horrible… But I want him to feel my sincerity through this song.

“I know you haven’t made your mind up yet
But I will never do you wrong
I’ve known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong…

I’d go hungry; I’d go black and blue
I’d go crawling down the avenue
No, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
To make you feel my love…”

Ilang beses akong nagkamali… But I just kept on going. He didn’t laugh or stop me. He was just staring at me with an unreadable expression in his face.

“I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn’t do
Go to the ends of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love
To make you feel my love…”

When the song finally ended… I stared at him. I licked my lower lip and took a deep breath.

“Rhiatt… I will make you feel loved everyday. I will make you special everyday. I will love and respect you everyday…” I smiled. “I will court you everyday… I will give you all that I have… without conditions… without second thoughts. I will protect you from anything… from anyone… I will pour all my love for you. I will make you the center of my life… Because I love you… I love you, Rhiatt…”

Rhiatt gulped… He avoided my gaze.

“I know that a person in love shouldn’t be making any promises… But do you know why I did?” I asked in a soft tone.

He didn’t answer. He didn’t say anything. I’m dying to know what he’s thinking right now.

I smiled. “Because I’m confident, Rhiatt… I’m so damn confident that I can do all those things that I promised.”

---

A/N: Hello guys! Sa mga gusto lang, you can join po sa public facebook group for my readers… para lang makapagpost kayo and makapag express ng thoughts niyo about me and my stories, and para na rin maka interact ang other readers. you can post anything as long as hindi hateful and disrespectful and dapat related lang po sa stories and characters ko (you can make friends with other readers din) yun lang!! thanksss!

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Chapter Sixty

“Evron… I-I don’t…” Rhiatt stuttered. “I don’t deserve you at all… You’re just too good for me. I’m not good for you at all. Magulo ako at ang buhay ko.”

I put the guitar down and went to him. I kneeled in front of him and held his hand.

“I get to decide what’s good for me or not, Rhiatt… You’re not just good for me… You’re the best for me. It’s you or no one at this point. I’m sorry, Rhiatt… No matter how you push me away, I just won’t give up on you. I know I should be giving you space… But please let me do this. You don’t have to give me an answer immediately… Walang kaso sa akin matagalan dahil ikaw lang naman ang gusto ko sa buhay ko. Hindi ako maiinip dahil ikaw lang ang gustong gusto ko.”

I put his palm on my cheek. I closed my eyes and caressed the back of his hand… The warmth of his hand is reaching my heart.

I never wanted someone the way I want Rhiatt. I’m honestly worried that this love that I have for him is a toxic one… because even if he begs me to… I can’t see myself giving up on him, or letting him go.

If he wants me to change a thing about myself, I will do it in a heartbeat… I can do anything just for him to be with me… just for him to accept me.

“I should be the one to worry… because it’s you who’s too good for me…” I whispered and looked up at him. “It’s me who’s not deserving of someone as good as you. I’m not as rich as Diantha and Hugo… I’m not even a college graduate. Sa pagpapalaki lang ng katawan ako magaling. I’m not good at anything aside from lifting weights and martial arts…” I chuckled.

I sighed and stared intently at him. I could see the hesitation in his eyes… I could see the doubts and fear… I wanted to remove all of those in his heart.

“It’s you… You’re someone too high for me to reach… But I will work hard to deserve you… And I know you don’t need protection, but I will protect you from everything. I hope you can give me a chance.” I smiled. “But don’t worry… Take your time, hmm? I will wait for you no matter how long it takes.”

Rhiatt stood up. He sighed and massaged his nape. “I-I don’t know.” He stroked his hair. “I’ll think about it.”

That was more than enough for me… He wasn’t rejecting me this time. He said he’ll think about it. It was more than enough to make me happy.

“Umuwi na tayo… Iyang mga pagkain na ‘yan, sayang… Iinit na lang natin at kainin,” sabi niya saka napaiwas ng tingin. Bahagya pang nakakunot ang noo niya.

I touched my chest…
He’s so damn cute.

I packed everything so that I can heat it up later and we can eat it together.

Agad na rin kaming umalis. Natigilan pa si Rhiatt nang mapansing sa ibang direksyon ako lumiko. He looked at me with a hint of confusion in his eyes.

“I just told you that the elevator isn’t working… We have to take the stairs,” he said and pointed to the other side.

I bit my lower lip and chuckled nervously. “Uhm… There’s another elevator… and it’s definitely working.”

His lips parted. “What the fuck?!” asik niya. “Tangina, oh! Nagpakahirap-hirap akong mag-hagdan!”

I felt bad for him, but he looked cute while throwing a tantrum.

Habang nasa elevator kami, panay ang mura niya sa inis. Nagpipigil na lang ako ng tawa habang nakatingin sa kaniya.

May dala siyang sariling kotse kaya kinailangan namin maghiwalay paglabas ng hotel.

I was in a very good mood. I was tapping the steering wheel while singing. I’m so excited too… I’m so excited for what more to come. I’m happy that Rhiatt wasn’t rejecting me entirely.

Halos sabay lang kami nakarating ni Rhiatt. Agad siyang bumaba ng kotse niya at lumapit sa akin. Natigilan ako nang kuhanin niya ang paper bag sa akin.

“I’ll take this. I’ll heat it up and eat it…” he said and cleared his throat.

I blinked. “I thought we’re going to eat together?”

He raised his eyebrow. “Ang sabi ko initin natin at kainin… pero hindi ko sinabing magkasama nating kakainin.”

Natigilan ako. Pakiramdam ko naisahan niya ako roon.

Napailing na lang siya saka humawak sa batok niya. “Thanks for this… Uwi na ‘ko,” sabi na lang niya saka tinalikuran na ako.

“Maghintay ka lang, Rhiatt. Sa susunod, sa akin ka na uuwi…” nakangising pahabol ko.

Rhiatt looked at me and showed me his middle finger. “Fuck you!” sabi niya saka padabog na naglakad paalis.

Napangiti na lang ako habang hinahabol siya ng tingin. At least kakainin niya na ngayon ang niluto ko.

Nang makita kong nakapasok na siya sa bahay niya, doon pa lang ako pumasok sa bahay.

I jumped and punched the air out of happiness. I chuckled and did shadow boxing like a fool.

I sat on the couch and clasped my chest. “Ah, Rhiatt… I already miss you…” I muttered. I want to see him again.

I shook my head and tapped my chest.
Patience, Evron. Patience.

Ah. I’ll be the best man for Rhiatt. I’ll make sure of that.

I WAS IN A VERY light mood the whole day. Hindi ako nagpunta sa practice ngayong araw dahil nagkaroon ng problema sa equipment sa gym. I had to take care of it.

Nakapagsabi naman ako kay Rhiatt sa text. I was very happy when he finally unblocked my number. Tinadtad ko tuloy siya ng messages the whole day kahit hindi niya ako nire-reply-an.

Gabi na nang matapos kong asikasuhin ang gym. Sinamantala ko na rin kasi dahil ngayon lang ulit ako nakabisita sa gym… Inasikaso ko na rin ang ibang bagay na dapat asikasuhin, pati ang pagpapabago ng pangalan ng gym ko.

It was already 7 p.m. when I got home. I immediately cooked dinner for Rhiatt. For sure nakauwi na siya.

Agad akong lumabas ng bahay dala ang mangkok na may lamang adobong manok. Natigilan ako nang makitang nandoon si Hugo sa tapat ng bahay ni Rhiatt…

I gulped hard and bit my lower lip. I froze when I saw Rhiatt hug Hugo. Natigilan ako at napaatras. Nang kumalas sa pagkakayakap si Rhiatt, napatingin siya sa direksyon ko.

Agad akong napaiwas ng tingin at pumasok sa loob. I closed the gates and immediately went inside my house.

Nanghihinang napaupo ako sa couch. I put the food on the center table and stared at the floor…

Why did he hug Hugo? Is he giving Hugo a chance too? Or does he like Hugo too?

I don’t know… Rhiatt’s feelings might have changed in the past weeks… Baka nagustuhan niya na rin si Hugo. Mas matagal niya namang nakilala si Hugo kaysa sa akin.

I couldn’t help but overthink. Wala akong maisip na ibang dahilan kung bakit niya niyakap si Hugo.

I bit my lower lip when I noticed my vision becoming blurry… I sniffled and shook my head… I don’t easily cry, but Rhiatt can make me cry easily. Kahit noong mga bata pa kami, siya lang ang nakapagpaiyak sa akin.

I kept wiping my cheeks as tears continuously escaped from my eyes.

I stopped when I heard my doorbell ring. I immediately stood up and wiped my tears. Agad akong lumabas. Natigilan ako nang makitang si Rhiatt iyon.

I gulped hard and wiped my face once again before I opened the gate… Napatingin ako sa bahay niya. Wala na si Hugo at ang kotse nito.

I looked at Rhiatt. He raised his eyebrow while looking at me.

“Did you just cry, asshole?” he asked.

I shook my head. “Hindi…” bulong ko saka napaiwas ng tingin sa kaniya.

But I regretted it. I sniffled when tears escaped from my eyes again.

“Damn. What the fuck are you even crying for?” Rhiatt asked in disbelief. He crossed his arms while staring at me.

I gulped and roughly wiped my tears. “Napuwing lang,” palusot ko pa.

Natigilan ako nang marahas akong kinwelyuhan ni Rhiatt at hinila palapit sa kaniya.

Rhiatt stared intently at me. “There’s nothing going on between me and Hugo! Hindi ba halata?!” asik niya.

I blinked. “R-really?”

Rhiatt clenched his jaw. “Tanginang iyakin…”

Natigilan ako nang humawak siya sa batok ko saka siniil nang mariing halik ang labi ko.

Chapter Sixty-One

How would I even explain this feeling?

I couldn’t believe it. My hands and knees were shaking. I could feel Rhiatt’s soft lips against mine… I couldn’t move. I’m scared… Natatakot ako na baka itulak niya rin ako palayo kapag natauhan siya.

I closed my eyes and touched his waist. I couldn’t control myself anymore. I pulled him closer to me and started moving my lips.

Pakiramdam ko nalalasing ako. His lips were so addicting… I felt like something inside me had unleashed again… just like the first time we kissed.

I felt like I was losing my mind. Only Rhiatt can do this to me. Pakiramdam ko kinokontrol niya ang lahat lahat sa akin… I’m willing though. I’m more than willing.

Rhiatt’s lips were the sweetest. It tasted so sweet that I couldn’t imagine those lips saying bad words all the time. It tasted like strawberries and cherries… Pakiramdam ko dinadala ako sa ibang lugar. I was forgetting where we were… My mind and heart were too preoccupied. My mind couldn’t think of anything… and my heart was only yearning for Rhiatt.

Rhiatt touched my chest and gently pushed me away. He glared at me and punched my chest, but it didn’t hurt at all. “Tangina… Selos selos ka pa… Hindi ba halatang ikaw ang gusto ko?!” asik niya.

I looked at him with disbelief. Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala sa katotohanang hinalikan niya ako… he already dropped another bombshell. How am I going to take all of this? I felt like my whole system was malfunctioning.

“R-Rhiatt…” I whispered.

Napaiwas siya ng tingin. “U-uwi na ‘ko!” nauutal na sabi niya.

He was about to leave but I immediately held his wrist. I pulled him into a warm embrace.

“Are you really expecting that I’ll let you leave after telling me that?” I muttered.

Hindi siya nagsalita o pumalag. Napakagat ako sa ibabang labi ko, nagpipigil ng ngiti.

Agad ko siyang hinila papasok. I closed the gate and pulled him inside my house. Hindi siya pumalag o kumontra.

I let him sit on the couch and I sat beside him. I touched his hand… I intertwined our fingers and stared intently at him. He kept on avoiding my gaze, but I touched his cheek and made him face me.

“Rhiatt, walang bawian…” bulong ko.

Rhiatt glared at me. “Mukha ba akong gago na bigla na lang babawiin ang sinabi ko?!”

I chuckled and kissed his hand. “Sorry…”

He hissed and avoided my gaze. “Tangina, bakit ka ba nagso-sorry? Parang gago…”

I smiled. “Is this true, Rhiatt? Can you punch me? I want to know if this is just a dream.”

“Gago, pag sinuntok kita tulog ka talaga…” pananakot niya saka umiling.

“Ibig sabihin pwede na kita ligawan talaga?” I asked in a hopeful tone.

Tumingin siya nang masama sa akin. “Sino ba kasi nagsabi sa’yong nagpapaligaw ako?! Ayoko nga ligawan ako!”

Natigilan ako. “S-so… What does it mean? I thought you like me…”

“Oo nga… Hindi ko naman binabawing gusto kita! Ang sinasabi ko lang, ayoko ng ligaw ligaw na ‘yan!” asik niya.

Napakurap ako. Nalilito ako sa ibig niyang sabihin.

He crossed his arms. “Ako ang manliligaw sa’yo,” bulong niya.

I blinked. “H-huh?”

He raised his eyebrow. “Bakit? May kontra ka? Hindi ako sanay ng ginaganito… Ako ang manliligaw.”

I bit the insides of my cheeks, suppressing my smile.

“Okay, sinasagot na kita…” Agad na sagot ko.

Nasamid si Rhiatt sa sinabi ko. He looked at me with disbelief. “Tangina, hindi pa nga ako nanliligaw?!”

“Okay na ‘yon… Basta sinasagot na kita.” I smiled.

I feel so giddy inside. This is unbelievable. Para akong sasabog sa saya. Pilit kong pinipigil ang mga ngiti ko pero siguradong halatang halata na iyon.

“Gago naman…” napapailing na sabi niya.

I cupped his cheeks and stared at him. “Why did you hug Hugo though?”

Parang nilalamon na naman ako ng selos nang maalala ko ang yakap nila ni Hugo kanina.

Rhiatt hissed. “I rejected him. Sabi ko sa kaniya na ikaw ang gusto ko… Alam kong masasaktan siya pero kailangan ko siyang diretsahin. I don’t see him that way. He’s an important friend to me, nothing more, nothing less.” He sighed. “He accepted it… but he asked for a hug. I gave it to him.”

I licked my lower lip and nodded. “But… that would be the last time, right?” I asked. “I mean… you won’t hug him again…” I murmured.

“Ano bang tingin mo sa’kin, yumayakap na lang kung kani-kanino?” tila iritadong tanong niya.

“Ako? Pwedeng akong yakapin?” I asked. I bit my lower lip to restrain my smile.

“Pwede kang sapakin,” sarkastikong sagot niya.

Napangiti na lang ako. Mukhang walang masyadong magbabago sa amin… Sinusungitan niya pa rin ako… pero at least may karapatan na ako.

“Rhiatt… I love you so much. Do you really like me?” I asked.

“Oo nga,” sabi na lang niya saka napaiwas ng tingin.

I smiled and pulled him into a hug. Hindi niya naman ako itinulak at hinayaan akong yakapin siya. Tinapik tapik niya lang ang likod ko.

“Rhiatt, can we kiss again?” I asked while caressing his hair.

“Oo… Sabi mo sinasagot mo na ‘ko. Malamang tayo na!” asik niya.

Marahan akong kumalas sa pagkakayakap. I cupped his cheeks and kissed him lightly on his lips. Todo iwas siya ng tingin, pero bahagyang namumula ang mukha niya.

“Rhiatt, you’re my boyfriend now, right?” I asked with a huge smile on my face.

He nodded. His face reddened even more. “Oo nga… Ano pa ba? E, sinagot mo na nga ako.”

I kissed his right cheek. “Ikaw naman liligawan ko araw-araw.”

He glared at me. “Ewan ko sa’yo.”

I smiled and kissed his other cheek. “Rhiatt, can you sleep here with me?”

His eyes widened. “Wow?! Ang bilis mo naman…”

“Bakit? Matutulog lang naman tayo.”

He shook his head. “Hindi, hindi… Ano ka, sinuswerte?”

I smiled and hugged him again. “I will miss you. Hindi ko na yata kayang malayo sa’yo kahit ilang oras lang.”

Kumalas siya sa pagkakayakap saka tumingin sa akin. “Evron… Sasabihin ko lang, susubukan lang natin ‘to. We’ll just see if this will work.” He sighed. “I know… I can be a little toxic and fucked up… but I will do my best to deserve you too…” He licked his lower lip. “But if this won’t work, then we’ll just break up.”

I stared at him and bit my lower lip.

I tucked a few strands of his hair under his ear while staring intently at him. I smiled. “We will make it work… What makes you think that I will ever let you go, hmm?” I asked. “I’m already imagining our married life.”

His eyes squinted. “Damn, dude… That was quite scary.”

I chuckled.
Damn. I’m not joking. I will never let this man go.

I rested my elbow on the backrest of my couch, then I rested my cheek on my knuckles while staring at him.

I can’t believe this. I’m dying to punch myself to make sure that I’m not dreaming.

I stared intently at this handsome and ethereal  man beside me.

Is he really mine now?

Ah, damn.
I’ve been dreaming of this. I’ll make sure no one will touch him the way that I do.

I will fucking beat them up even if it’s Hugo… or that damn Kyren.

I bit my lower lip. Fuck… Am I too possessive? We’ve been dating for like ten minutes… And I already want him mine… All mine.

I was never the jealous type… that’s what I thought before. But just thinking of someone touching Rhiatt makes me lose my mind… If Rhiatt can read my thoughts right now, he will surely be scared too.

I always thought I was a chill guy.

“B-bakit ganyan ka makatitig?” Rhiatt asked.

I smiled. “Nothing… I just can’t believe we’re officially together now…” I took his hand and put his palm on my cheek. I closed my eyes. “You don’t know how much I’ve been restraining myself…”

I opened my eyes and looked at Rhiatt. He was staring at me, his cheeks were slightly red… Damn. I would kill for this man.

“Can you say it again?” I asked. “That you like me.”

Rhiatt bit his lower lip. “I-I like you…” his cheeks reddened even more.

“Akin ka na, ‘di ba?” I asked and kissed his hand.

Rhiatt’s forehead creased. “Oo, sa’yo ako.” Mas lumapit siya sa akin saka kinwelyuhan ako. Hinila niya ako palapit sa kaniya. “Pero dapat… sa’kin ka lang din, Evron.”

“I’m all yours… Kahit wala ka pang itira,” anas ko habang nakatitig sa kaniya.

He kissed me on the lips. I cupped his cheeks and eagerly kissed him back.

Damn, Rhiatt… He’s making me lose my fucking mind.

Chapter Sixty-Two

“Can you just sleep here?” I asked in a sulky tone.

Rhiatt glared at me. “Aanhin ko pa ‘yung bahay ko kung dito ako matutulog?”

I hugged him and kissed the top of his head. “Namimiss na kita agad,” bulong ko.

“Wala pa nga…” Napapailing na sabi niya saka marahang kumalas sa pagkakayakap ko.

“Mamaya ka na umuwi. Higa muna tayo sa kuwarto…” sabi ko saka itinuro ang kuwarto ko.

He raised his eyebrow. “Higa lang?”

“If you want to do other things, you can tell me.”

He lightly punched my stomach. I just chuckled and kissed his lips again. I stood up and held his hand.

“I cooked dinner. Let’s eat… I cooked adobong manok.”

Tumayo si Rhiatt at nagpatianod sa akin nang hilahin ko siya papuntang kusina.

I made him sit and prepared the food. Tahimik na pinanood niya lang ang bawat kilos ko.

Pagkatapos kong maghain, umupo rin agad ako sa tabi niya.

Nagsimula na siyang kumain. Tinitigan ko siya para tingnan ang reaksyon niya.

“How was it?” I asked.

He nodded. “Not bad.”

Napangisi na lang ako dahil sunod-sunod naman ang subo niya. He obviously liked it.

Hindi ko alam kung saan ako magfo-focus, kung sa pagkain ba o sa pagtitig kay Rhiatt.

“I love you, Rhiatt…” I muttered.

His face reddened. “Ewan ko sa’yo,” bulong niya saka muling sumubo.

Pagkatapos naming kumain, agad na akong tumayo para maghugas ng plato… Pero agad na lumapit sa akin si Rhiatt.

“Ako na ang maghuhugas…” sabi niya saka bahagya akong tinulak palayo sa sink.

“Ako na…” sabi ko at akmang sisingit.

He glared at me. “Damn, Evron… Don’t treat me like a disney princess. You’re the one who cooked, then I will wash the dishes.”

Wala na akong nagawa kundi hayaan siya. Pinanood ko na lang siya habang naghuhugas siya ng mga plato.

Lumapit ako sa likuran niya saka yumakap. I buried my face on his neck and inhaled his scent.

If I could make a perfume out of his scent, I would never get tired smelling it.

“Ano ba? Kitang naghuhugas ako?” he complained.

I looked at him. I smiled when I saw his cheeks were slightly red.

Nang matapos na siya maghugas, humawak ako sa kamay niya saka hinila siya papunta sa kuwarto ko.

“I will just show you my room,” I said and smiled at him.

Nagpatianod siya sa akin. Dinala ko siya sa kuwarto ko. Nakalagay pa sa bedside table ko ang mga edited pictures namin.

Rhiatt sat on my bed and took a picture. He laughed while staring at it.

“Tangina, kahit pag edit wala ka ring talent,” natatawang sabi niya na lang.

I sat beside him. “We don’t have pictures together,” I sighed.

He looked at me. “Malamang, puro away lang tayo no’n… Ngayong tayo na, pwede naman tayong magpicture palagi,” he said and put the picture back on the bedside table.

I smiled. “I’m excited.”

I held his hand and kissed it. I pulled him and made him sit on my lap. Mukhang gusto niyang magreklamo, pero hindi na lang siya nagsalita. His face was red though.

“Tangina. Hindi ka ba nabibigatan sa’kin?” he asked in a worried tone.

I shook my head and hugged his waist. I kissed his lips and hugged him tighter. “What’s your love language, Rhiatt?”

Rhiatt shrugged. “Kahit ano.”

I nodded. Lahat din naman ng love language ay ipaparanas ko sa kaniya.

Rhiatt sighed and stared at me. “Sure ka na ba sa’kin?” he asked.

I kissed his hand while staring at him. “Ikaw ang dapat ko tanungin niyan… Siguradong sigurado ako sa’yo, Rhiatt.”

Rhiatt avoided my gaze. “Mainitin ang ulo ko.”

I chuckled. “I know.”

“You will really have a hard time loving me. I’m not really that showy. Mas madalas pa ‘kong bad trip kaysa masaya… I don’t say sweet words that much. My actions don’t always match my words… I might not be able to treat you the way you deserve…” He licked his lower lip. “Ngayon pa lang sinasabi ko na… Baka magsawa ka rin sa’kin. I never had a long term relationship with someone because I am the problem… I’m too toxic… I told you that I will do my best to deserve you, but it might take a long time… Baka mainip ka at magsawa.”

I touched his cheek and kissed his forehead. He stared at me…

“Damn, Rhiatt… I can be your slave if you want me to…” I whispered. “You have no idea how madly in love I am with you…” I put his palm on my cheek. “Take your time… I know things are not that easy for you… I’m just here for you. Don’t even think I’ll get tired of you.” I kissed his wrist as I stared intensely at him.

Ako nga ang natatakot na baka magsawa siya sa akin.

“You’ve met my parents, Evron… Alam mo na, ‘di ba? Hindi ka nila matatanggap para sa’kin,” he muttered. I sensed sadness in his voice.

I cupped his cheek and gently caressed it. “I know… But I will still try.”

“Believe me, they won’t…” he whispered.

“There’s no harm in trying… and besides, whether they’ll accept me or not… I don’t really mind.” I hope you’ll fight for me though.

Kay Russ noon… natanggap ko noong nakipaghiwalay siya sa akin para sa mga magulang niya.

But with Rhiatt, it will be different… Hindi ko kakayanin.

Rhiatt’s forehead creased… Tila ba may kung anong nakakainis ang pumasok sa isip niya.

He gripped my jaw. “Answer my question… Do you love me more than you loved Russ before?”

I bit my lower lip. I tried so hard not to smile at his question… I wasn’t happy because he was jealous… I was happy because he really likes me.

“I love you so much more to the point that I won’t let you go even if you beg me to…” I whispered.

Damn. I kinda like the feeling of his strong grip on my jaw.

Rhiatt’s eyes squinted. “Really? Parang kailan lang mahal mo pa siya.”

“About that… I only put Russ’ pictures in my room and living room just to prove to you that I didn’t like you back then. Matagal na akong naka-move on kay Russ… I care for Russ, pero sa tingin ko hindi sobrang lalim ng naging pagmamahal ko sa kaniya noon. I already threw out our pictures by the way…” I caressed his thigh. “When I realized that I’m starting to like you, I kept on using Russ as an excuse so that you won’t know what I feel for you. I’m sorry if I was so confusing back then, Rhiatt…”

Rhiatt sighed. “Sure ba na hindi mo ako nagustuhan dahil—”

“No, don’t even think about it. You don’t look like Russ at all… Hindi ko alam kung sa mga mata ko ba may mali o mata ng ibang tao… And don’t compare yourself to him. I love you for you. You’re not someone’s shadow.”

“Tangina! Iyan nga ang sinasabi ko, e! Paano ko naging kamukha ‘yon, e, mas guwapo ako ro’n?!” asik niya.

Natawa na lang ako dahil ang cute niya magalit.

“Yes, you’re the most handsome man in my eyes… No one comes close.” I whispered while staring at him.

Rhiatt smirked and put his hand around my neck. “Right… You should be thankful that someone as hot and as handsome as me gave you a chance.”

I bit my lower lip and nodded. “Right… I’m the luckiest. I will even kiss your feet if you want me to.”

Napangisi si Rhiatt. “Patay na patay ka ba sa’kin, ungas?”

“If you can just read my mind, you’ll be scared…” I whispered while staring at him… admiring every part of his face.

I’m hopeless.

“Can you just sleep here, hmm?” I asked in a pleading tone.

I really wanted to sleep beside him. I wanted to kiss and hug him all night.

Rhiatt raised his eyebrow and grinned. “Damn… Fine.”

Chapter Sixty-Three

Rhiatt De Roxas

I would be lying if I say that I don’t miss Evron. Not seeing him for days feel like a torture… But this is how I would repent for what I did to Evan in the past… and besides, I know for sure that Evron doesn’t like me.

I just tried my best to focus on playing basketball. Siguro maganda na rin na hindi na kami magkapit-bahay, hindi ko na siya nakikita.

I was shocked when I saw Evan posted about clearing my name. He messaged me after that. He kept on saying sorry for what he did… and he pleaded with me to let him clear my name to the public.

Hinayaan ko na lang din, hindi dahil gusto kong malinis ang pangalan ko, kundi dahil mukhang iyon ang magpapagaan ng loob ni Evan.

I’ve read his post… pati na rin ang mga komento roon. There were many positive comments, pero may mga negative comments din tungkol sa akin.

Pero ang nakaagaw ng atensyon ko ay ang mga replies doon. Evron was replying to every hate comment about me.

Napaawang ang mga labi ko. I even stalked the account to make sure that it was him. Iyon nga ang account niya.

Nakikipag-away siya sa mga bashers sa comment section, at wala siyang pinalagpas kahit isa.

What the fuck is he doing? Talagang real account pa niya ang gamit niya!

Tangina, sobrang tanga naman!

Why was he even doing this for me?

Yara kept pestering me when she discovered it. I honestly didn’t want to tell her my whereabouts, but I somehow trusted that she wouldn’t tell Evron about it.

But damn I was fucking wrong. Nalaman ni Evron kung nasaan ako at alam kong si Yara ang nagsabi no’n.

“Rhiatt, nagkamali lang ako ng send, promise!” Yara said and hugged my arm.

Napailing ako. “Ewan ko sa’yo.”

Yara giggled. “Ano kayang mga mangyayari, ‘no?”

Hindi ko rin alam. When Evron told me that he wanted to court me… I couldn’t believe it. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang pakay niya, kung ano ba ang gusto niya… kung nakokonsensya lang ba siya dahil alam niyang gusto ko siya.

I had so many doubts. I couldn’t take him seriously.

Pero magsisinungaling ako kung sasabihin kong hindi ako naaapektuhan. Hindi naman ako bato. May nararamdaman din ako. Hindi naman magic ang nararamdaman ko sa kaniya na bigla na lang mawawala.

Siyempre gustong gusto ko pa rin siya… Kaya mahirap sa akin pigilin ang sarili ko kapag nandyan siya. Mahirap sa akin magpanggap na hindi ako naaapektuhan sa mga ginagawa niya para sa akin.

When he said he wanted to join Averlands, I found it ridiculous. Would he really go that far just for my attention? Hindi ko pa rin alam ang mararamdaman ko sa mga ginagawa niya.

I tried my best to avoid him. Sinusungitan ko siya, pinipilit ko siyang iwasan… Lahat ng ibinibigay niya sa akin ay pinapamigay ko kahit mabigat sa loob ko para lang lubayan niya ako… But he wasn’t giving up at all.

He kept on telling me that he likes me… Sinabi niya rin na matagal na siyang walang nararamdaman kay Russ.

A small part of my mind wanted to believe him… But I still had my doubts.

Bakit niya naman ako magugustuhan? I had all the reasons to like him… pero siya, wala akong makitang dahilan para magustuhan niya ako. What’s even good about me? Alam kong guwapo ako… pero kung ikukumpara ang pag-uugali ko kay Russ, alam kong walang wala ako.

Ilang araw nang laman ng isip ko si Evron. Ayoko siyang isipin, pero hindi ko mapigilan. The things that he do for me, lahat iyon naiisip ko.

I wanted to hug him every time… but I was just trying my best to restrain myself.

When he gave me a basketball crocheted keychain, I stared at it the whole night. I couldn’t imagine someone as huge as him can make cute stuff like this. It was poorly done, but it was cute. I wanted to use it so bad… Gustong gusto ko ilagay sa bag ko, pero baka makita niya pa… Kaya itinago ko na lang sa drawer ko.

When Hugo confessed his feelings for me, I honestly didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t expecting it from him. Hindi ko akalaing magkakagusto siya sa akin. I wasn’t really a likeable person… Hindi ko alam kung bakit niya ako nagustuhan.

Ayoko siyang paasahin, kaya plano ko ulit siyang kausapin para i-reject siya. Kaibigan lang si Hugo para sa akin. I don’t really see him that way. Wala akong ibang nararamdaman sa kaniya… And it’s not even because I like Evron. Talagang kaibigan lang para sa akin si Hugo.

I kept on observing Evron’s expression from my peripheral vision during our practice. I tried to act normal with Hugo. Kaya hindi ko siya iniiwasan kahit na umamin siya sa akin… pero nakikita ko kay Evron na tila nagseselos siya.

Hindi nakakawala sa paningin ko ang pagkunot ng noo niya at ang paghalukipkip niya sa tuwing lalapit si Hugo sa akin.

It was quite fun. It was entertaining to see him like that. Mahirap basahin si Evron, pero nitong mga nakaraan… he was so expressive. Pakiramdam ko ang dali dali na lang niya basahin.

Pakiramdam ko unti-unting nayayanig ang pader na binubuo ko kapag nakikita ko siyang nagseselos. Pakiramdam ko kaunti na lang bibigay na ako.

When he stood up for me in front of my parents, I realized I was falling in love with him more. I never wanted to look weak in front of someone… I never wanted someone to see the vulnerable side of me… But I felt safe with Evron.

I feel like it’s okay to be protected by someone… if it’s Evron.

Thinking about it, many things changed after I met Evron. Marami siyang binago sa akin. Marami akong natutunan tungkol sa maraming bagay pati na rin sa sarili ko nang mapagtanto ko na gusto ko siya.

Evron changed me for the better… I realized I shouldn’t regret the fact that I met him… that I fell for him.

Talking with Evron enlightened things for me. Doon na ako naglakas-loob na sabihin sa lahat kung ano talaga ako.

I shouldn’t be ashamed. There’s nothing wrong with it. Kung merong unang tao na dapat tumanggap sa sarili ko… ako iyon. I should accept and embrace myself fully, because there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.

Pakiramdam ko may malaking tinik na natanggal sa dibdib ko. Wala na akong itinatago. Everyone knows who I really am… I’ve never felt this free before.

My parents called me nonstop after that live… But I chose not to respond this time. Bibigyan ko muna ng oras ang mga magulang ko, pati ang sarili ko.

Evron planned a surprise for me right after that… He wanted me to come.

That night, I really didn’t fall asleep. I was contemplating. Ilang oras akong nag-isip… I was too scared. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong asahan. I don’t want to be disappointed…

Hindi ko rin alam kung tama bang magkaroon kami ng relasyon… Would Evan be okay with that?

Ang daming tumatakbo sa isip ko…

When I saw the wall clock, it’s almost 12 midnight… I froze when I received another email from Evron… and he was still there, waiting for me.

“Tangina, bakit naghihintay pa rin siya?” I muttered and immediately took my car key and went out.

Nang makarating ako sa address na s-in-end niya sa akin, napamura na lang ako sa isip ko dahil sira ang elevator. So, I had to use the stairs. Sa rooftop pa iyon, kaya halos kinakapos na ako ng hiningi nang makarating doon.

I saw how Evron’s eyes shone when he saw me. Tila bata siya na excited nang makita ako.

I still couldn’t believe that he waited for that long. Nakokonsensya ako, sa totoo lang. I hesitated so many times.

He prepared a lot of things. May mga edited pictures pa namin. He even prepared a fireworks display. Kumanta pa siya at nag-drawing para sa akin.

I tried my best to act cool… Pilit kong itinatago ang nararamdaman kong tuwa sa mga ginawa niya para sa akin.

It was too much. Hindi ako sanay sa mga ganitong bagay. I didn’t know how to take it all.

He really seemed sincere, but there’s still a fear inside of me that I couldn’t explain.

“Hugo… I’m really sorry. I don’t want to hurt you and your feelings. You’re someone important to me… because you’re my friend. But I don’t want you to waste your time on me… You deserve to pursue someone that will surely like you back. Sorry talaga… Hanggang pagkakaibigan lang ang kaya kong ibigay.”

Hugo forced a smile and nodded. “Alam ko naman, Rhiatt. Alam kong hindi mo ako gusto… I just took my chance… Ayoko nang may pagsisihan sa huli… Don’t worry, wala akong sama ng loob. Masakit lang, siyempre… pero hindi naman kita mapipilit sa bagay na hindi mo gusto. Masaya na ako sa pagkakaibigan na kaya mong ibigay…”

I smiled. “Thanks, Hugo…”

He smiled. “Can I ask for a hug though?”

I nodded. “Of course…” Ako na mismo ang lumapit sa kaniya para yumakap.

After hugging him, I felt a familiar presence. Agad akong napalingon sa bahay ni Evron. He was there, staring at us. He seemed hurt… Agad siyang pumasok sa loob ng bahay niya.

Hugo chuckled. “Suyuin mo na ‘yon… Baka umiyak pa,” natatawang sabi na lang niya.

I looked at him. Hugo smiled at me and tapped my shoulder. “If that asshole hurt you, I will pursue you again… Kaya ‘wag niya lang subukan kung ayaw niya ng kaagaw.”

I chuckled and shook my head. “Tangina, subukan niya lang talaga. Black eye abot niya sa’kin.”

Hugo laughed. “I almost forgot I’m talking to Rhiatt right now.” He smiled. “I’ll go now, Rhiatt… Thank you for being honest with me. Sana maging okay na kayo ni Evron. I want nothing but happiness for you.”

“Thanks, Hugo. I wish the same for you…”

Nagpaalam na si Hugo pagkatapos no’n. Pagkaalis na pagkaalis ni Hugo, agad kong pinuntahan si Evron.

Hindi ko alam kung maiinis ba ako o matatawa sa ungas na ‘yon. He obviously cried.

That’s when I realized that I’ve lost…

Tangina. Hindi ko na kaya. Bahala na.

Chapter Sixty-Four

“Please, hug me too…”

Evron kept on kissing and hugging me while we’re both lying on his bed. Natutuwa naman ako sa totoo lang… pero parang natural na yata sa akin ang magsungit sa kaniya.

“Ang init init na nga, e,” reklamo ko… pero hinahayaan ko lang naman siya na yakapin ako.

Kinuha niya ang remote ng AC saka nilakasan iyon. He hugged me again and kissed my lips.

“Tangina… Mas clingy ka pa sa mga naging ex ko,” reklamo ko.

Natigilan si Evron. Kumalas siya sa pagkakayakap saka tumitig sa akin. “Don’t you like me anymore?” pag-iinarte niya.

“Malamang gusto…” bulong ko.

He hugged me again. “Mas gusto mo ba ang mga ex mo kaysa sa akin?”

“Bakit naman ako nandito at nakikipagyakapan sa’yo ngayon kung sila ang gusto ko?” sarkastikong tanong ko.

Evron looked at me and smiled. “Say it again… Say that you like me…” halos kumislap na ang mga mata niya.

Napaismid ako. Ano ba naman ‘tong tao na ‘to?

“I like you so much…” pagsuko ko.

Evron smiled. His ears were red. He kissed me on the cheeks and then on my lips. Hindi ko alam kung makakatulog ba kami nang ayos nito.

“Rhiatt, I want a callsign,” he said and held my hand.

Napakunot ang noo ko.

Tangina.
Sa totoo lang ayoko ng mga callsign callsign na ‘yan. Naki-cringe ako. Kahit sa mga ex girlfriends ko noon, wala kaming callsign dahil ayoko.

Mamamatay muna ako bago ako pumayag sa callsign bullshit na ‘yan.

Napatingin ako kay Evron. He was smiling while staring at me. He seemed hopeful and excited. Tila excited siya sa callsign na iyan.

I licked my lower lip and sighed. “Okay, fine.”

Tangina. Paano naman ako makaka-hindi sa mukhang ‘yan? Mukha siyang bata na excited mabigyan ng candy.

“What callsign do you want?” he asked. “Baby, sweetheart, honey—”

“Wait!” Agad na pagpigil ko sa kaniya.

Tangina. Hindi kinakaya ng tainga ko marinig ang mga callsign na nasa isip niya. Hindi ko masikmura.

Evron looked innocently at me. “What’s wrong?”

Napakagat ako nang mariin sa ibabang labi ko. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko ba tatanggihan ang mukhang ‘yan.

Fuck. He looks so damn handsome and cute. I can’t resist him.

“W-wala…” sabi ko na lang.

“Ayaw mo ba ng callsign?” tanong niya. I could feel the sadness in his voice.

“Gusto…”
Fuck, I hate callsigns!

Evron smiled. “Hmm, how about dear, sweetie, pumpkin, my life…”

Napaawang na lang ang mga labi ko sa mga callsign na sinasabi niya. Saang baul niya na kinuha ang mga iyan?!

“How about beloved, sunshine, muffin, love—”

“Yes! That’s okay… Love,” sabi ko na lang.

Out of all the callsigns that he mentioned, the “love” one is the only one I could tolerate.

Evron smiled wider and hugged me tighter. Mas lalong namula ang tainga niya. “Okay… That will be our callsign.”

Napahawak ako sa noo ko. Ganito ba siya ka-patay na patay sa’kin?

“Rhiatt… I love you so much.” He snuggled on my neck.

I nodded and hugged him back. He’s like a puppy… A huge one.

This position is comfortable. Naka-unan siya sa braso ko habang nakayakap sa akin. I love hugging him. I love the feeling of his hug.

I licked my lower lip and stared at him. Evron stared at me too.

I took a deep breath. I’ve been wanting to talk to Evron about this earlier. Kumukuha lang ako ng tyempo dahil baka ma-offend siya.

“Evron…”

“Hmm?” he asked and held my hand.

“Uhm… Okay lang ba…” I gulped. “Okay lang ba kung magpa-HIV test tayo pareho?”

He looked at me and nodded. “Okay lang…” he smiled. “That’s good that you have thought of that. Our safety comes first.”

Tila nakahinga ako nang maluwag sa reaksyon niya. He seemed chill about it…

Right. Sa aming dalawa, mas open-minded at mature si Evron.

“Please don’t get me wrong… It’s not that I’m disgusted or what. I just wanted to make sure that we’re both clean. I hope you’re not offended. I want to have an HIV test not because you’re gay… I hope you’re not having that kind of idea. It has nothing to do with that… I just genuinely want to make sure that we will be safe in this relationship when it comes to that…” I explained.

I really didn’t want to sound defensive. Totoo ang mga sinabi ko. Gusto kong magpa-HIV test hindi dahil sexuality ni Evron. I’m someone who makes sure that my partner and I are safe and free from sexually transmitted diseases. Para sa akin wala namang mali kung magpapa-test. Ganoon din ako sa mga naging partner ko noon. Some of them were offended, which I understood. But I explained to them that it was not my intention… I just wanted to make sure we’re both safe before engaging in sexual activities.

Noon lang, noong muntik na may mangyari sa amin ni Evron, muntik ko nang palagpasin. Buti na lang natauhan ako no’n.

Evron smiled. “I understand, Rhiatt. Hindi ako na-o-offend. Don’t worry. Mas maganda nga na naisip mo iyan. I’m open-minded… Don’t worry, hmm? Magpa-test agad tayo bukas.” He held my hand and kissed it.

“Bukas agad?” tanong ko.

Evron grinned and stared at me. “Of course… Because right after the result…” He put his hand inside my shirt and touched my abs. “We’re free to do whatever we want,” he whispered.

He was staring at me hungrily… as if he wanted to devour me.

I gulped… not because I’m scared… but because I’m fucking excited.

I’m hungry for him too…

Natigilan ako nang pumaibabaw sa akin si Evron. He smirked and gripped my jaw.

“Just so you know… I’m a top, Rhiatt,” he whispered. “Are you okay with that?” he asked.

I held his huge hand touching my jaw and stared at him. I licked my lower lip and looked at him as seductively as I could. “So, you’re gonna wreck my ass or something?” I asked.

I was given a heads up that Evron is a top. Alam ko naman siguro ang sitwasyong pinapasok ko.

Fuck. I just hope so.

Evron bit his lower lip and gripped my jaw harder. “I’m not as kind as you think, Rhiatt…” He grinned.

Fuck. Evron is the hottest creature that I laid my eyes on. Hindi ko alam kung may favoritism ba ang mga mata ko dahil gusto ko siya.

Parang kailan lang, nandidiri ako sa ganito… But now, I’m dying to have sex with this man.

Evron kissed me on my lips. I hugged his nape and kissed him back. Our kiss was different this time… He was kissing me hungrily. He was sucking my lips as if he couldn’t get enough of its taste. I opened my lips and let him put his tongue inside my mouth. I felt my manhood hardened when I heard him moan.

I never thought kissing someone can make you feel different emotions all at once. I was nervous… and excited… and fucking horny.

We were kissing hard… we’re already exchanging salivas. It felt so damn good. His huge frame above my body feels good. It was cold in this room, but I couldn’t feel it because of his hot kiss and touch… Hindi naman ako tipo ng tao na uhaw sa sex… Pero tangina… Ano ba ‘tong ginagawa ni Evron sa akin?

Evron stopped kissing me and stared at me. His eyes were half-closed. He was staring at me like I was his fucking meal.

He kissed my neck and licked it. He looked at me again as he touched the garter of my sweatshorts. “Before we do
that.
We should prepare first, right?” he asked in a husky tone.

“W-what?” I asked.

He reached for his drawer and took something from it… My eyes widened when I realized what it was.

A fucking lubricant.

He stared intently at me. He slowly pulled my shorts down. “We won’t have sex yet, love… Don’t worry.”

I was breathing heavily as he removed my shorts and boxer. He opened the lubricant and put some on his fingers.

“I will just prepare you for something bigger that is yet to come,” he grinned.

Chapter Sixty-Five

R-18 / Read at your own risk! 

---

I don’t know how something can make you feel nervous and excited at the same time… Evron gave me his word. We won’t have sex yet… But my knees were already shaking out of excitement.

I already had a feeling that something like this would happen if I stayed the night here… It’s a fucking good thing that I cleaned myself thoroughly while taking a shower earlier.

Evron was staring at me. I could almost see his eyes burning. He threw my shorts and boxers and spread my knees.

“Rhiatt… You’re making me lose my mind,” he whispered.

I bit my lower lip when he kissed my knee, while still staring at me. He raised my leg and kissed my calf. He put my legs down after that. He went up again and kissed my lips. I didn’t hesitate and kissed him back.

“Rhiatt… Just tell me if it’s uncomfortable,” he muttered. “You can tell me to stop… Don’t be shy,” he whispered and kissed my forehead.

I flinched when I felt the tip of his lubricated fingers on my bottom. He was breathing hard, so was I. I bit my lower lip as hard as I could. He stared at me and kissed my cheek.

I gasped and gripped his shirt when he started putting it in. Evron’s lips were slightly parted while staring at me. I couldn’t even appreciate the fact that he looked so damn hot… My mind and body was too focused on his fingers slowly entering my behind.

“Relax…” he whispered. “Relax your muscles, love…” he added and licked my neck.

I did what he said. I did my best to relax… I looked at him and gripped his shoulders. He started moving it slowly… in and out. Thanks to the lubricant, it was not that hard. But it’s a little uncomfortable.

I searched everything up on the internet. It would be uncomfortable and painful at first… And knowing Evron’s size scared me a little bit.

Inangat ni Evron ang katawan. He spread my legs wider while staring at me hungrily. He took the lubricant and opened it using one hand only… He put some on his palm. And then he touched my manhood.

“Evron!” I called his name when he started moving his hand up and down… How can he finger-fuck me and give me a handjob at the fucking same time?

“Ah, fuck. I want you to come in my mouth,” he muttered while staring at me.

Damn. Evron looks so damn horny. It was too obvious. His facial expression says it all. He bit his lower lip and moved his hand a little faster.

“Ahh! Fuck, Evron!” I moaned his name and gripped the sheets.

“How can someone be this sexy?” he whispered. He continued moving his fingers in and out…

My mind was hazy. My lips were parted. I couldn’t think of anything anymore. He was starting to move his fingers a little faster after letting me adjust.

“Ahh… F-fuck…” I moaned. I was breathing heavily. I was gripping the sheets so hard, it was about to rip.

His fingers were no joke. It was way longer and bigger than mine. Two of his fingers were coming in and out of my ass while he’s giving me a handjob… Fuck. How can he do this?!

“Ah, that’s it… You’re adjusting. You’re doing good, Rhiatt,” he whispered while grinning at me. “I have to prepare you well so that you can handle it when it’s finally my cock ravaging you,” he muttered.

His bulging manhood was so obvious against his gray sweatpants… Yeah. Damn, right. I really have to prepare for that fucking weapon.

I groaned when he moved his hand faster. My toes curled when I felt I was about to come. Hindi naman talaga ako mabilis labasan. Pero tangina ni Evron. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang ginagawa niya sa akin.

Evron smirked and rubbed his thumb on the tip of my manhood. I buried my head on the pillow… Fuck. He was so damn good. Para na akong masisiraan ng bait.

He buried his fingers so deep. I gasped hard and bit my lower lip to the point that it almost bled. I almost lost my goddamn mind when he started curling his fingers… And damn. It felt so good that I almost forgot my name. It was fucking good. It felt like the most erogenous place inside a man’s body.

“Fuck! Evron… Tangina… Ang sarap,” I moaned and gripped the sheets again.

My knees quivered even more, and my lips parted. I could feel it on my abdomen. I gripped the pillows under my head and bit my lower lip. I was restraining my moans…

“Fuck… I don’t want to make a mess on your bed, Evron…” I muttered in a husky voice. It was so fucking hard to stop myself from coming. I will make a mess on his bed.

Evron licked his lower lip and stared at me. “Just make a mess… I don’t mind,” he whispered and moved his hand faster.

I couldn’t fight it anymore. My eyes dilated, as if I was seeing stars. My knees shook so hard when waves of pleasure took me. My lips were parted and my eyes were closed when I finally climaxed. I could feel my cum spurting. It went on my stomach… and then on the sheets.

Evron pulled his fingers out. I opened my eyes while breathing heavily. He stood up… I thought we’re finally done. But he took something from his drawer.

It was pretty long. It was quite hard to describe. Kulay violet iyon.

Natigilan ako at napalunok nang mapagtanto ko. Is that a fucking anal plug? No, this one is quite different. Medyo mahaba ito at parang may bilog bilog.

Evron smiled at me and went to bed again. “Rhiatt… My fingers won’t be enough to prepare you. Right?” he asked in a teasing tone.

He spread my legs. He put a lot of lubricant on that long thing. He was breathing heavily while staring at me.

“Rhiatt… Is this okay?” he asked in his heavy-lidded eyes. I’ve never seen him like this before. Pakiramdam ko hindi si Evron ang kaharap ko.

“Fuck, fine!” asik ko.

Evron gripped my thigh and spread them wider. He slowly put the plug inside me. I gritted my teeth and gripped the sheets harder. He was still being careful. He was slowly moving it. Hindi niya ipinapasok nang buo.

I stared at him. My lips were parted as I was breathing hard. “Evron… Damn!” I moaned his name.

I looked at Evron. He was looking at me like I was a whole damn meal. He was trying his best to go slowly. I bit my lower lip. My toes curled when he went a little deep.

Fuck. It was uncomfortable and quite painful at first. I don’t know if it’s a good thing that I have a high pain tolerance… The moment Evron noticed that I was finally adjusting to its size, he started to move it deeper… and then faster.

“Ahh! Fuck! Evron… Ahh!” I couldn’t restrain my moans and groans…

I looked at him. I could feel the tears forming in my eyes… It was because the pleasure was too much. He kept hitting something inside me that was too unbearable… too pleasurable. I couldn’t even explain it.

“Ah, fuck… What should I do, Rhiatt?” he whispered. He was clenching his jaw. He grinned and stared at me with a drunk-like expression. “You’re so fucking hot. I want to wreck every part of you.” He pulled his sweatpants down and released his manhood from its confinement.

My lips parted when I finally saw his naked manhood. This toy inside me was nothing compared to his. It scared me a little…

He started masturbating while moving the plug in and out of me. He was biting his lips while staring at me.

Fuck. I never thought the view of a man masturbating in front of me would turn me on this much.

He licked his lower lip and put it deeper inside me. My back arched. I’m so damn dizzy. I couldn’t explain the feeling. It was too much for me.

Damn. He was right. He wasn’t as kind and as gentle as I thought.

My eyes widened when I felt it again… That feeling when I’m about to come… He kept on hitting my erogenous zone. I’m fucking losing my mind.

My knees trembled and my eyes rolled back when I came for the second time. My whole body was trembling. I felt like I was about to pass out.

Evron bit his lower lip and moved his hand faster. He spread my legs and stared at my stuffed bottom while breathing heavily. His muscles were clenching. He groaned when he finally came. His cum spurted on my body… and on the bed.

Evron stared at me. “Fuck. Just you wait, Rhiatt… It will be my cock next,” he grinned and licked his lower lip.

I don’t know if I should be scared or excited.

Chapter Sixty-Six

“Tangina ng ungas na ‘yon…” bulong ko habang hinahalo ang fried rice.

Nakialam na ako sa kusina ni Evron. Tulog pa rin si ungas. After everything that we did last night, he spent his night staring at me like I’m some classic art at a museum. Alam na alam ko iyon, hanggang sa panaginip ko yata ramdam kong nakatitig siya sa akin.

Damn. What did I even do in my past life for him to like me this much?

Nang matapos akong magluto ng almusal, agad ko nang inilagay sa plato ang fried rice at omelette na niluto ko.

“Rhiatt!”

Napapitlag ako nang marinig ang boses ni Evron. I glared at him. He was staring at me as if he couldn’t believe it.

“Tangina, ano ba’ng problema mo?! Halos mamatay ako sa gulat!” asik ko.

Agad siyang tumakbo palapit sa akin at yumakap. Napakunot ako nang tinadtaran niya ng halik ang buong mukha ko.

“Fuck, when I woke up and you were not beside me, I was scared. A-akala ko panaginip lang ‘yung kagabi,” he muttered. Even his voice was shaking.

I looked at him and pinched his cheek as hard as I could. He groaned and touched his cheek.

“Ayan, hindi ka nananaginip… Obvious naman siguro ‘yon kasi nagbago ‘yung bedsheet mo na dinumihan natin kagabi…”

He hugged me again and buried his face on my neck. “You scared me, Rhiatt…”

Napabuga ako ng hangin at gumanti ng yakap sa kaniya. I was fooled by this man. I really thought he was nonchalant… OA at clingy pala siya.

It’s not that I hate it though… Dapat lang maging ganyan siya sa akin.

Kumalas sa pagkakayakap si Evron saka tumitig sa akin. He touched my face and smiled. “Rhiatt, I love you.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I know… I like you… Let’s eat now. Baka lumamig pa ang pagkain.”

Fuck. I suck at showing love and affection. Sana hindi siya mapagod sa akin.

I’ll work on it. Slowly.

Evron smiled widely. “You cooked breakfast for us?” he asked. Kulang na lang kumislap ang mga mata niya.

Tumango ako. “Oo nga, kulit…”

Agad siyang tumulong sa akin sa paghahain. Pinaupo niya na lang ako saka humalik sa noo ko. Umupo siya sa tabi ko saka humawak sa kamay ko.

“This is the best morning of my life, love…” he said and smiled at me.

Oh, fuck. I remembered that fucking callsign that we talked about.

“You’re exaggerating,” I muttered and started eating.

Evron smiled while staring at me. Para siyang fan na katabi ang idol niya. Mas marami pa yata ang time na ginugol niya sa pagtitig sa akin kaysa sa pagkain.

Pagkatapos naming kumain, siya na ang nagpresinta maghugas ng mga plato. Tumitig na lang ako sa maliit niyang aso bilang pampalipas oras.

Natawa na lang ako dahil hinahabol nito ang sariling buntot.

I looked at Evron when I noticed he was finally done washing the dishes.

“Evron, uuwi muna ako sa bahay.”

Nakita ko ang lungkot sa mga mata niya dahil sa sinabi ko. “Why?”

“Malamang, maliligo ako…” sarkastikong sabi ko.

Nagpaalam na ako sa kaniya at umalis na. Gusto niya pa ngang sumama… Tangina, para namang sobrang layo ng bahay namin sa isa’t isa, e, wala pa nga yatang sampung hakbang ang layo.

I took a bath. I wore a simple white shirt and pants. Ngayon kami magpapa-test ni Evron for HIV. Excited si Evron dahil magde-date raw kami pagkatapos.

I sighed and wore my watch… I closed my eyes and tried to think of how I’ll surprise him too. Ayoko naman na si Evron lang ang nag-e-effort sa relasyon naming dalawa. I want to surprise him too… I want to make an effort too. Evron deserves it.

What should I give him? Should I surprise him like he did? Kaso parang wala naman akong originality no’n.

Should I build another gym for him? Hindi naman problema sa akin ‘yon dahil marami naman akong pera.

Would he like that though? I never see Evron as someone materialistic. Simpleng tao lang ang ungas na ‘yon.

Naiinis na ginulo ko ang buhok ko. Hindi pa ako nakapag-effort at nakapagbigay ng regalo sa lalaki kaya wala akong ideya.

Should I just ask Russ?

Napakunot ang noo ko. Fuck, no. What am I even thinking?

“Hi, Rhiatt!” Evron ran to me and hugged me.

Iyon agad ang bumungad sa akin paglabas ko ng bahay. Yumakap din ako sa kaniya.

He smiled at me. “Let’s go?” he asked.

I nodded. He opened his car door for me. Kokontra pa sana ako kaso hindi na lang ako nagsalita at sumakay sa loob.

Tangina. Kailangan ko na talagang kontrolin ‘tong ugali ko. Evron was too soft-spoken for the likes of me. Sana ‘wag siyang mauntog at magising sa katotohanan.

Napailing na lang ako at napangisi sa mga pumapasok sa isip ko.

“Nakapagpa-test ka na before?” tanong ko saka tumingin sa kaniya na naka-focus sa pagd-drive.

He shook his head. “This is my first time… To be honest, I’m a virgin… Well, I know virginity is just a social construct but, yeah… I’ve got no experience with that yet.”

Nasamid ako sa sarili kong laway dahil sa sinabi niya. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at gulat na tumingin sa kaniya.

“Fuck, what?” I asked in disbelief.

“Hindi ko ba nasabi sa’yo?” he asked… as if it was nothing.

“I mean… You had a relationship with Russ, right?” tanong ko.

“Yeah, but we never went far… We were both not comfortable doing that when we were still together.”

“E, bakit ka pa magpapa-HIV test kung wala ka naman palang karanasan?” tanong ko.

“Hindi lang naman sa sexual activities nakukuha ang HIV. Madalas akong mag-donate ng dugo. Safe naman mag-donate ng dugo, pero magpapa-test na rin ako para siguradong sigurado tayo,” he smiled at me.

I poked my inner cheek with the tip of my tongue. Damn. He’s so chill and open-minded about this.

He often degrade himself for not being a degree holder, but sometimes, I feel like he’s smarter and more open-minded than some of those who finished college. I should always remind him that he’s still the best, and having no college degree doesn’t define his character and personality.

Mabilis lang din naman ang naging proseso ng test. Marami rami na ang nagpapa-test ngayon for HIV kaysa ng mga nagdaang taon. That’s a good thing. Maganda na ang maingat. Before engaging in sexual activities, things like this must be communicated to both ends first. Wala namang masama at nakakahiya kung magpapa-test. Mga close-minded na tao lang ang problema. They were making people feel that safe sex and HIV testing is embarrassing. Abstinence isn’t only the solution. It is unrealistic.

That’s why sex education is important… but I guess our country isn’t ready for that yet… which is sad.

“We’re both negative…” Evron said while smiling.

I smiled and nodded. “Yeah.”

Evron held my hand as we left the hospital together. Some people are looking at us. I don’t know if it’s because they know me… or if it’s because Evron and I were holding hands.

I looked at Evron. He was smiling while swaying our hands. He was really unbothered. Tila ba wala siyang pakialam sa ibang nakatingin, o sa iisipin ng iba.

I immediately knew that his parents were kind and open-minded. Ganito siguro ang outcome kapag tanggap ng magulang mo ang sekswalidad mo… nagiging confident ka kung sino ka talaga… dahil wala namang mali roon.

I wanted to be free. I wanted to be as free as him… I wanted to be as confident as him.

Natigilan si Evron at napatingin sa akin. Siguro napansin niyang nakatitig ako sa kaniya.

“Why, love?” he asked in a soft tone and caressed my cheek.

I smiled. “Evron… I want to introduce you to everyone as my boyfriend.”

Natigilan siya sa sinabi ko. Napaawang ang mga labi niya. “R-really?” he asked. He even stuttered.

I nodded. “I will also introduce you to my parents…”

His face beamed. He seemed really happy and excited. “I honestly don’t like your parents, but they are still your parents… and I want them to know that I’m your boyfriend now.”

“They won’t accept you, Evron… I’m giving you a heads up now. Kahit ano ang gawin mo, hindi mo basta makukuha ang loob nila,” I whispered.

Evron smiled and kissed my forehead. “I know… but I will face them for you. I will do anything for you, Rhiatt…”

Chapter Sixty-Seven

A/N: Si Rhiatt kapag napipikon sa laro HAHAHA. (art by Rae Yosa)

Sayo lahat ‘yan Evron???

---

Alam ko naman ang kahihinatnan… pero may mga bagay na lang din siguro ako na ayaw patagalin pa.

Alam kong kalat na sa internet ang mga pictures namin ni Evron. Siguradong alam na rin naman nila dahil ang dami nilang missed calls sa akin.

“Hindi mo na kailangang tumambay sa mga practice game ko, Evron… Kailangan mo pa rin asikasuhin ang gym mo,” I said while looking at myself in the mirror.

Ngayon na kami pupunta kina Mama. Dapat maghihintay lang sa labas si Evron, pero nandito siya sa kuwarto ko at hindi nakapaghintay. Kanina pa siya nagt-tour sa kuwarto ko. Nakaupo na siya ngayon sa kama ko habang nakatitig sa mga gamit ko sa kuwarto.

Evron looked at me. “Minsan pupunta punta pa rin ako…” Natigilan siya, tila may naalala. “By the way, love… I have something to tell you.”

I raised my eyebrow and looked at him. “‘Wag mo ‘kong pakabahin…”

Evron smiled cutely. “Is it okay if I change the name of my gym? Rhiatt Fitness Gym?” he asked.

I glared at him. “Don’t you fucking dare. I’ll kill you.”

“Okay…” he mumbled. He started playing with his fingers.

I rolled my eyes. “Fuck. Don’t tell me…” I sighed.

“Well…” he chuckled nervously. “Pwede ko naman ipabago ulit.”

I knew it.

“Sira ka ba?! Bakit pangalan ko?! Paano kung maghiwalay rin tayo tapos—” natigilan ako.

I realized what I said was quite insensitive.

I looked at Evron. He bit his lower lip and stared at me. “Why would you think that?” he asked. “A-are you planning to break up with me in the future?”

Napabuntonghininga ako saka lumapit sa kaniya. He avoided my gaze. I touched his cheeks and made him face me.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean it that way. Wala akong plano makipag-break sa’yo… Ang sinasabi ko lang, hindi pa tayo sigurado kung tayo talaga sa future. Ayoko lang pagsisihan mo na ipinangalan mo sa akin ang gym mo… I’m thankful that you love me that much… It was just I’m being realistic.”

Evron bit his lower lip and looked at me. He held my hand and kissed my palm. “I’m hopeless, Rhiatt… You have to take responsibility for making me fall in love with you… You have to be with me forever.”

He was looking at me like I’m his whole damn religion. What did I even do for him to love me like this?

“Don’t think of breaking up with me… If there’s something wrong with me, you can tell me so that I’ll change it… Don’t ever think of breaking up with me,” he whispered.

Yumuko ako saka dinampian ng halik ang mga labi niya. “There’s nothing wrong with you… Ako nga dapat ang magsabi niyan. You’re too perfect for me.”

I’m still not used to this… I’m really trying my best to be affectionate and showy. Gusto ko rin namang maramdaman ni Evron na mahal ko siya. I’m just taking my time…

Evron smiled while staring at me. “I love you…”

I smiled. “Yeah… I feel the same way for you.”

Okay.
I really don’t know why it’s quite awkward for me to say that I love him too. Nahihiya ako na ewan.

Evron reached for my cheek and gently caressed it. “Damn. Your smile is a lottery, Rhiatt… I rarely see it, but it makes me so damn happy every time I see it.”

I grinned. “Is that so? I’ll smile more often… para mas lalo kang ma-in love sa’kin.”

He bit his lower lip. “You don’t even have to smile for that. You have no idea how much I love you, Rhiatt… kahit wala kang gawin.”

Minsan gusto ko ring malaman ang nasa isip niya at kung gaano niya ako kamahal. Halata naman sa tuwing tumitingin siya sa akin at sa mga akto niya. He’s very vocal too… I still wanted to see what he’s thinking about me though.

“Are you ready?” tanong ko bago kami lumabas ng bahay ko.

Evron smiled at me and nodded. “Kahapon pa ako ready.”

He honestly didn’t seem nervous. Hindi ko alam kung nagpapanggap lang ba siyang matapang sa akin o talagang hindi siya kinakabahan.

Noon sa mga naging ex ko, kinakabahan ako kapag sinasabi nilang ipapakilala nila ako sa parents nila. I used to make excuses.

Damn. I was such a red flag. Nahihiya na lang akong isipin.

Ako ang nagmaneho papunta sa bahay dahil hindi naman alam ni Evron iyon. Napapasulyap ako sa kaniya paminsan-minsan. Panay ang salita niya at kwento ng kung ano-ano… Nakikinig lang naman ako at minsan nags-side comment.

“I really couldn’t tell if Yara is a good friend to you, because she sent me your address back then. But thinking about it… it was beneficial for me. But still, I don’t think she’s a good friend.”

I grinned. “She’s your cousin.”

Evron nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. Maybe I should just be thankful that we’re now together… and she contributed a bit.”

Evron’s real personality still shocks me. I never thought that he’s like this. Madaldal, may pagka-OA, softie… I like it. Gusto ko na komportable siya sa akin.

Itinigil ko ang kotse nang nasa tapat na kami ng bahay ng parents ko. Agad na bumaba si Evron at pinagbuksan ako. He held my hand.

I sighed and stared at my parents’ house. I’m quite nervous to be honest.

Evron’s lips parted a bit while staring at our house. “You’re rich…” he muttered.

“Hindi naman, tama lang…” I said. I intertwined our fingers. “Kinakabahan ka?” tanong ko.

Evron smiled at me. “A little bit.”

I already told him many times that my parents wouldn’t accept this… but he was still optimistic. Sinabi niya rin naman sa akin na walang kaso sa kaniya kung hindi siya tatanggapin, basta ‘wag lang daw akong makipaghiwalay sa kaniya.

Kabado ako habang papasok sa bahay.

I wasn’t a bad son. Minsan hindi ko sinusunod ang mga sinasabi nila… I started smoking, drinking, and cursing when I was just high school. I made friends with those who were a bad influence to me… But that was years ago. May mga habit ako na hindi ko natanggal, pero pinilit kong magbago noong college. I did my best to support them financially and helped them have their own business, and I helped my sister get into law school too. Siguro naman hindi na ako masamang anak no’n… Kagaya ni Ate Rhianne na pinili ang kasiyahan niya, ganoon din ang gagawin ko.

Naabutan ko sina Mama at Papa na nasa sala. I informed them that I will be coming, kaya nandito silang pareho sa bahay ngayon.

Nanlisik ang mga mata ni Mama nang mapatingin sa kamay namin ni Evron na magkahawak.

Agad silang napatayo ni Papa.

“Have you gone insane, Rhiatt?!” asik ni Mama. “What are you doing?!”

I sighed. “Mama, Papa… Si Evron… Boyfriend ko siya.”

Humigpit ang pagkakahawak ni Evron sa kamay ko dahil sa sinabi ko.

Napahawak si Mama sa dibdib niya at napapikit nang mariin. “Oh, God… Please forgive my children.”

I forced a smile. “God won’t hate me for this, Ma… Sana ikaw rin.”

Lumapit sa akin si Papa at marahas akong kinwelyuhan. Namumula ang mukha niya sa galit. Inangat niya ang nakakuyom na kamao at akmang susuntukin ako pero agad na pinigilan ni Evron ang braso niya.

“Sir, please don’t hurt Rhiatt,” he said in a cold tone. “Please punch me instead if you want to vent out… ‘Wag lang po si Rhiatt.”

My father glared at Evron. Binitiwan niya ako saka kinwelyuhan si Evron. “Hindi ka ba nahihiya sa sarili mo at dinamay mo pa ang anak ko sa kabaklaan mo?!” asik ni Papa. “Ano na lang ang mararamdaman ng mga magulang mo na ganiyan ka?!”

Evron smiled. “My parents are very much supportive of me, Sir. They don’t hate me for my sexuality. They never punched me or hurt me just because I like a man. They are happy as long as I’m happy… Ganoong klaseng tao po ang mga magulang ko.”

“Are you implying something, young man?!” singhal ni Papa. “Mali ang pagpapalaki sayo ng mga magulang mo! Ang magulang, itinatama ang mali ng anak!”

“Bago niyo po itama ang anak niyo, unahin niyo po munang itama ang sarili niyo…” Evron said in a serious tone.

My father’s forehead creased. “What did you just say?”

“What crime did Rhiatt even commit, Sir? Ma’am?” He looked at my mother. “Kung magalit po kayo kay Rhiatt, para na siyang nakapatay ng tao.”

Hindi ko magawang magsalita. Nakatingin lang ako kay Evron na matapang na hinaharap ang mga magulang ko.

My father took a deep breath and shook his head. “No. We won’t allow this… Ano man ang sabihin niyo sa akin ngayon, hinding hindi ko matatanggap ang relasyon niyo!”

Tumingin sa akin si Mama. “Rhiatt, you’re our only son! Please naman, anak!”

Napabuga ako ng hangin at inalis ang pagkakahawak ni Papa kay Evron.

“I love Evron… Hindi ako nagpunta rito para hingiin ang approval niyo sa relasyon namin. I just wanted to inform you… because you’re still my parents… I won’t end my relationship with Evron just because you can’t accept us… If you really love me… and Ate Rhianne… you will accept us wholeheartedly.”

“Wag mong pagdududahan ang pagmamahal namin sa inyo ng ate mo, Rhiatt! Ginagawa lang namin ito para itama kayo! Hindi pa huli ang lahat para itama ang pagkakamali niyo!” asik ni Mama.

I licked my lower lip and sighed. “Bakit kami ang may mali? Bakit hindi kayo?”

Napabuga ako ng hangin at tumingin kay Evron na nakatitig sa akin.

Muli akong tumingin sa kanila. “Aalis na kami… I hope someday, you will accept us…”

Hinila ko na si Evron paalis. Hindi na siya nagsalita pa at nagpatianod lang sa akin. Narinig ko pang isinigaw nina Mama at Papa ang pangalan ko, pero hindi na ako lumingon pa.

Nang makarating na kami sa kotse ko, nanghihinang binitiwan ko ang kamay ni Evron. I looked at him. His eyes were full of emotions I couldn’t explain.

Tila paiyak na siya.

Natigilan ako. He really seemed so brave earlier.

“Damn. I was scared…” he muttered.

“You’re scared of my parents?” I asked. I touched his face and kissed his cheek.

He shook his head. “I was scared because I thought you won’t fight for me… My biggest fear is you breaking up with me because of your parents.”

Chapter Sixty-Eight

A/N: hi! if you noticed, may dedication na here sa chapter. i will start dedicating my updates/chapters na sa mga best comment kada update huhu. i always always read comments guys, kahit kadulu-duluhan yan binabasa ko iyan. and i’m always thankful. mapa silent or active reader, i appreciate you all. i love youuu!

---

“Rhiatt, saan mo ito gusto nakalagay?” Evron asked while carrying the canvas.

Iyon ang drawing ko noon sa kaniya. Gusto niya raw naka-display.

“Ikaw ang bahala,” sabi ko na lang habang inaayos ang mga damit ko sa panibagong wardrobe.

Inilagay niya iyon malapit sa bintana. Napangiti pa siya habang nakatitig doon.

Napagdesisyunan kong bumalik sa dati naming subdivision na tinutuluyan. Naaawa ako kay Evron kung doon pa rin kami sa isa titira. Hassle sa kaniya dahil ang layo ng gym niya.

Hindi ko na bibilhin ulit ang bahay ko na binenta ko na… Dito na ako titira kay Evron.

He was so happy and excited about it. Halos hindi siya nakatulog buong gabi at panay ang daldal tungkol sa mga plano namin.

I looked around Evron’s room. It’s good that his room was spacious. He even bought a new bed. Mas malaki na ang kama niya ngayon para sa aming dalawa. Parehas pa naman kaming matangkad.

Nagkasya ang closet ko sa kwarto niya dahil nga malaki.

Tumingin ako kay Evron na ngayon ay nagtitiklop ng mga damit ko. Napabuga ako ng hangin at naglakad palapit sa kaniya. I sat on the bed beside him. He stopped and looked at me.

I touched my nape and massaged it. “Aren’t we going too fast? I mean… Baka mamaya may mga bagay pala tayong hindi pagkakasunduan… Sabi nila lumalabas ang mga problemang ganiyan kapag nasa iisang bahay na ang couple.” I was really worried about things like that. Baka mamaya hindi pala tugma ang mga gusto at ugali namin…

Evron chuckled. “You don’t have to worry about that. Wala tayong bagay na hindi pagkakasunduan dahil susundin ko ang lahat ng gusto mo.”

I facepalmed. This man is hopeless.

Evron held my hand and smiled at me. “You don’t have to worry. Hindi ba mas maganda ‘to? Mas maaga nating malalaman ang differences natin… We will work things out.”

Natigilan ako nang umakbay siya sa akin. Humawak siya sa braso ko saka hinila ako palapit sa kaniya. He touched my jaw with his other hand and kissed my cheek. Mariin na humalik siya, tila nanggigigil. Agad na nag-init ang magkabilang pisngi ko. I gripped his wrist and tried to push him away.

“Hindi tayo matatapos sa pag-aasikaso nito, e!” reklamo ko.

Evron chuckled and kissed my forehead. “I love you…” he whispered.

I nodded. “Yeah, me too…”

He smiled. “You love me too?”

I nodded. He smiled and hugged me…

This is what I love about Evron. Kuntento siya palagi sa kaya kong ibigay. He wasn’t forcing me to be vocal immediately. He’s letting me take my precious time.

“Evron…”

He looked at me and smiled. “Yes, love?” he asked in a soft tone.

I cleared my throat. “What do you want? I mean… like, if I’ll give you a gift, what do you want?” I asked.

“Anything related to you…” agad niyang sagot. “Your pictures, your clothes, the cologne that you always use, your shampoo—”

“Tangina, parang gago…” agad kong pagputol sa mga pinagsasasabi niya.

He chuckled. “I’m serious. You can give me a photo album full of your pictures and I’ll be more than happy…”

Napailing ako. Totoo nga talagang mababaw lang ang kaligayahan ng isang ‘to.

“I’m thinking of building another gym for you… Iyan lang naman pala ang gusto mo,” napapailing na sabi ko.

Nasamid si Evron sa sariling laway. Nanlaki ang mga mata niya at gulat na tumingin sa akin. “You’re not serious…”

“I’m serious…” seryosong sabi ko.

Evron closed his parted lips. “Damn. I know you’re rich, but it still shocks me.”

Napailing ako. “Hindi pa nga, e. Hindi ko kasi sine-seryoso ang basketball minsan. But from now on, I’ll take it seriously. Para maging category A player ako… I’m still at category B.”

Napakunot ang noo ni Evron. “How much do you earn monthly as a category B player?”

I shrugged. “Depende. I earn two hundred fifty thousand at most.”

Mas lalong napaawang ang mga labi ni Evron. “T-two hundred fifty thousand? As in, 250k?” he asked, as if he couldn’t believe it.

“At most… Minsan hindi gano’n. 200k lang minsan…” sagot ko.

Napahawak si Evron sa noo niya. “Damn. I’m just an ant compared to you,” he whispered.

Napangisi ako. “You don’t have to worry about money. Kaya naman kitang buhayin. Magpagawa ka lang nang magpagawa ng gym kung gusto mo… Ako’ng bahala.”

Evron shook his head. Nakatulala pa rin siya. Tila hindi pa rin makapaniwala. “I’ve got a rich future husband,” he mumbled.

Natatawang napailing ako. Mayaman na ‘yon sa kaniya? Kung sineryoso ko ang pagba-basketball at nag-category A, baka himatayin siya.

“I’ll take basketball seriously this time, para maging category A. I want us to save up in the future… Para secured na tayo kapag hindi ko na kayang magbasketball,” sabi ko habang ipinapasok sa drawer ang mga tinuping damit ni Evron.

Evron smiled at me. “That’s great. I will help you in the best way I can…” Natigilan siya. Napawi ang ngiti niya. “But wait… I remember that you considered marrying that rich ex-girlfriend of yours because she’s rich as hell.”

Napalunok ako sa sinabi niya. Tangina, naalala niya pa ‘yon?

I looked at him and grinned. “Well, that time akala ko hindi mo ako magugustuhan. Marrying Diantha was my last resort… I mean, yes… She’s really rich, like fucking rich… But I have you now. Hindi naman ako gano’n ka-mukhang pera… Marami naman akong pera, hindi lang katulad ng kay Diantha.”

Evron bit his lower lip. “Are you sure you won’t marry her?” he sighed. “What if you realized you want to have a family and a child of your own and—”

“Stop…” Agad akong tumayo.

Naglakad ako palapit sa kaniya saka humawak sa kamay niya. He was avoiding my gaze. I used to have relationships with women… kaya hindi ko siya masisisi na naiisip niya ang ganiyan.

“Damn, Evron… I won’t leave you because of that. Kung ganoon naman pala ang gusto ko, bakit pa ako pumatol sa’yo?” I asked. “Yeah, having a child of my own sounds great, but we can adopt… Our future child doesn’t have to be our own blood and flesh to be loved. There’s so many children who need someone to adopt them… We can adopt… If that’s okay with you. Pero hindi pa muna ngayon.”

Evron looked at me. He smiled and kissed my hand. “I don’t mind adopting… I love that idea. Thank you for assuring me, Rhiatt… I’m so lucky to have you in my life.”

I smirked. “Tangina, talagang swerte ka sa’kin… Gwapo, magaling magbasketball, hot, masarap—”

Evron chuckled. “Masarap? E, hindi ko pa nga natitikman,” tila nagrereklamong sabi niya.

“Gago, atat ka masyado, e. Matitikman mo rin naman.”

Tangina, ano ba ‘tong pinag-uusapan namin.

Hinila ako ni Evron at pinaupo sa kandungan niya na para bang 10 kilograms lang ang timbang ko.

“Rhiatt… how old are you?” he randomly asked.

Oo nga, ‘no. Kami na pero hindi man lang namin alam ang edad ng isa’t isa.

“I’m 26,” sagot ko. “You?”

Wala pang k to 12 noong high school ako. I was only 17 when I took the architecture program. Five years ako sa college dahil five years ang architecture. I graduated when I was 21 and I became a licensed architect when I was 23.

“28…” he answered.

Napatango ako. Two years lang pala ang agwat namin.

“Rhiatt, let’s take a picture together…” sabi niya saka ipinakita sa akin ang phone niya.

I nodded. “Okay…”

Inilayo niya ang phone niya saka itinapat sa amin ang front cam. Idinikit ni Evron sa akin ang pisngi niya saka ngumiti. I smiled too.

He took another picture, this time he’s kissing my cheek.

Agad niyang tiningnan ang picture namin. He unlocked his phone. Natigilan pa ako nang mapansin kong picture ko ang lock screen at home screen niya. Even his PIN code is my birthday, 0521.

“Rhiatt, can I post our pictures?” he asked and smiled at me. Natigilan siya. “Wait… You’re not accepting my friend request yet,” sabi niya saka napabuntonghininga.

Agad kong kinuha ang phone ko at hinanap siya sa Facebook at in-accept ang request niya. Baka mag-inarte pa.

He smiled when I finally accepted his friend request.

Panay na ang type niya sa cellphone niya. I looked at it. He’s typing a caption for our photos.

“Bakit wala ka masyadong friends sa Facebook?” nagtatakang tanong ko. “And you’re handsome… Wala ka rin gaanong reactors. Sa gwapo mong ‘yan, dapat pinagkakaguluhan ka na sa Facebook.”

Evron looked at me. “I don’t know… Pero isang beses, nabasa ko sa comment sa post ko na poser daw ako. I don’t know what it means.”

Napakagat ako sa loob ng pisngi ko at nagpigil ng tawa. Tangina. Kaya naman pala. Akala ng mga tao poser siya.

Evron posted our pictures.

Evron Vance Gallegos

Picture with my boyfriend, Rhiatt De Roxas. He’s mine and mine alone. Stop crushing on him. Ako lang ang mahal niya… I love you so much, Rhiatt!

Hindi ko alam kung maiinis ba ako o matatawa sa kagaguhang caption ng ungas na ‘to.

Napangisi ako… I know a way for him to prove that he’s not a poser.

I clicked his post and shared it. I put a caption too.

Rhiatt De Roxas

Yes, this man is my boyfriend… And he’s so mine :)

---

A/N: Evron and Rhiatt hihi (art by Rae Yosa)

Chapter Sixty-Nine

I can’t blame Rhiatt tangina kahit ako mababakla sa boyfriend niya hahahah!

Gago I knew it noong nakita ko nasa ospital sila. Malayuan pa lang pogi na yung bf ni Rhiatt.

Loud and proud

, Rhiatt! We love it! Stay strong, couple!

Gagi straight guy ako pero parang ang sarap ng bf ni Rhiatt?

I instantly regretted sharing Evron’s post. I poked the insides of my cheek. My head fell back. I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself.

Ah, fuck it. I’m sure I wasn’t the jealous type. Tangina, naiinis ako sa mga gwapong gwapo sa boyfriend
ko.

I looked at Evron. Abala siya sa pag-aayos ng mga trophies ko sa shelf. This asshole had no idea that people are now thirsty for him.

Pati mga pictures ni Evron na thirst trap dinagsa ng mga reacts at comments. Ang daming comment doon na pupuntahan daw nila ang gym ni Evron.

Tangina. Tamang desisyon ba na h-in-ard launch ko ang relasyon namin?

Napatingin ako sa picture ni Evron. It was a mirror shot of him flexing his upper body.

It has fifty thousand reacts now, with thousands of comments.

Tangina magshare ka naman ng biyaya, Rhiatt!

Sana i-choke ako ng biceps niya.

Nhay’ed

@Rhiatt De Roxas

saan mo nahanap ‘to?!

Kinginang abs ‘yan!!!

Ito nakabukangkang na!

Nag-angry react ako sa mga comments.
Tangina, bwisit!

“Evron!”

Napapitlag si Evron at napalingon sa akin. He looked at me innocently.

I raised my eyebrow. “You’re mine, got that?”

Kulang na lang mangislap ang mga mata niya sa sinabi ko. He immediately nodded. I could almost see imaginary dog ears on his head. “Yes, I’m all yours, my love…”

Napatango na lang ako. Mukha namang patay na patay siya sa akin… Sige, chill lang ako.

Marami akong nakuha na magagandang komento sa paglabas ko ng relasyon namin ni Evron, pero may mga bashers din.

Hahaha pano lulunukin ng mga kalaban ni Rhiatt sa basketball yan? Tangina kalaban mo bading ahahahhaa

Idol pa naman si Rhiatt bakla pala. No thanks.

Dapat banned sa PBA pag ganyan panira sa image ng PBA

Angas pa naman ni Rhiatt tangina disappointed fan

Mga bashers ni Rhiatt just because of his relationship with a man: maaasim, bobo, tanga ng mindset. Ligo ligo muna bago mambash. Kala niyo kina-cool niyo pagiging homophobic niyo. Pwe!

I know right! Why do y’all hate people just because they’re gay? I just couldn’t find any reason for y’all to act like that, to condemn them so much na para bang pumatay sila ng tao? Hindi naman kayo inaano? Myghad these people.

Napatango ako. Hindi naman ako apektado sa mga negative comments. I was like that before. Nakakainis man, pero iniisip ko na lang na baka may chance pa silang magbago katulad ko.

Natigilan ako nang mag-message sa akin ang kapatid ni Evron na si Evan. Napaupo ako nang tuwid at napalunok.

Evan:

Hi, Rhiatt! Masaya ako para sa inyo ni kuya! Kapag sinaktan ka ni kuya, isumbong mo sakin! Uuwi ako diyan sa Pinas at bubugbugin ko siya.

Napangiti ako nang mabasa ang message niya. I immediately typed a reply.

Me:

Thank you so much, Evan. I don’t think your brother will hurt me. Baka ako pa ang makasakit sa kaniya because he’s too good for me :(

Evan:

Hahaha. Hindi ‘yan! You’ve become a good person. I watched your live. I’m sorry again, Rhiatt.

Me:

Thinking about it, I wouldn’t have learned my lesson if that didn’t happen, Evan. I’ve learned the hard way, hahaha. I’m sorry too, Evan.

Evan:

Please be happy with kuya, Rhiatt! Wish ko lang pwede na ang same-sex marriage sa Pilipinas para diyan kayo magpakasal!

Natatawang napailing ako. Parehas sila ng kuya niya na advance mag-isip.

I stalked Evan. Napangiti ako nang makitang marami siyang pictures sa kung saan-saang lugar. May mga pictures din siya kasama ang mga kaibigan niya roon. He was glowing. He really seemed happy now.

I’m happy for him.

“Why are you stalking Evan?”

Napapitlag ako sa gulat nang marinig ang boses ni Evron sa tabi ko. I looked at him. Nakakunot ang noo niya habang nakatingin sa phone ko.

“Tiningnan ko lang kung kumusta na siya…” I explained.

Pati kapatid pinagseselosan amputa.

Umupo si Evron sa tabi ko saka yumakap sa akin. “He’s okay… He’s happy. Sa akin ka naman mag-focus,” pag-iinarte niya.

Hinila niya ako pahiga sa kama habang nakayakap pa rin sa akin. Wala naman akong nagawa at hinayaan siya. He hugged me and showered me with kisses.

Si Evron ang pinaka clingy na naging partner ko, kaya siguro hindi ako gaanong sanay.

“Evron…”

He looked at me. “Hmm?”

“What kind of people are your parents?” I asked.

He smiled. “They are the best… They are supportive, loving, caring… They always show how much they love us. They also always show how much they love each other. Minsan naki-cringe na kami ni Evan kasi sobrang sweet pa rin nila sa isa’t isa… But thinking about it, I’m happy that they’re like that. Sa kanila ko yata nakuha kaya ako ganito. Lumaki ako na nakikita kung gaano nila kamahal at nirerespeto ang isa’t isa.”

Hindi ko maiwasang makaramdam ng inggit. My parents were not that showy. Minsan nga ay nag-aaway pa sila at nagsisigawan dahil sa mababaw na bagay. They were not that affectionate with each other. Siguro naka-apekto rin kung paano ako as a partner. Same goes with Evron. His parents were loving and sweet all the time, kaya ganiyan siya.

I sighed and stared at Evron. “I will try my best to work on my mouth… I mean, pipilitin kong itigil ang pagmumura,” medyo labag sa loob na sabi ko.

Wala yatang sentence sa buhay ko na walang mura. Religious sina Mama, pero noong napa-tropa ako sa mga palamura noong high school ako, naging ganoon na rin ako.

“Why?” Evron asked.

“Well, if we’re going to adopt someday, I want our future kid to be in a loving home… without shouts and curses… with parents who genuinely love each other.”

Napangiti si Evron sa sinabi ko. “I love it… I want that kind of home for our future kids too.”

He kissed my hand. He stared at me. His eyes were full of love. Kahit hindi siya magsalita, parang nababasa ko na rin ang isip niya dahil sa mga mata niya.

I smiled. I’m really proud of what I’ve become. I know I still have a long way to go… Pero kung ikukumpara ko ang Rhiatt sa ngayon, sa Rhiatt noon… pakiramdam ko ang layo ko na. I’m so proud of myself for continuously improving as a person.

I’m thankful to Evron. Malaki ang contribution niya kung bakit nagbago ako. I’m so happy that he came into my life. Paano na lang ang buhay ko kung wala siya?

Evron smiled and kissed my hand again. “Tutulungan kita para mapatigil ka sa pagmumura…”

My forehead creased. “How are you going to help me with that?”

Natigilan ako nang bigla siyang pumaibabaw sa akin. “We’ll have sex in every curse you’ll say… How about that?”

Tangina ni gago. Dapat ba akong matakot diyan?

Napangisi ako. “Tangina, gago…”

Evron’s eyes darkened with lust. “Ah, you want it, huh.”

Chapter Seventy

“I know you’ve been preparing for this, Rhiatt. It took you almost an hour in the shower earlier,” Evron grinned. “You cleaned yourself for me, hmm?” he asked.

Nag-init ang buong mukha ko sa sinabi niya.
Tangina.
Was I too obvious? Ilang gabi na kaming hindi natuloy… Ilang gabi ko na ring hinahanda ang sarili ko.

He buried his face on my neck and inhaled my scent. “Fuck, ang bango,” he whispered.

I licked my lower lip and closed my eyes. Fuck this man. He’s making me hungry for him.

I gripped his arm and switched our position. Ako na ngayon ang nasa ibabaw niya. His eyes widened… I smirked and choked him… I lowered my head and crushed my lips on his. He seemed shocked at first, but he held my waist and immediately kissed me back.

I sucked his lips like it was my source of energy and strength. His lips parted, as if he was letting me devour his lips. I bit his lower lip and sucked it again. I kissed him torridly… The warmth of his lips was so addicting, I could never get enough.

I invaded his mouth and licked everything my tongue could reach. He moaned and gripped my waist harder. I stopped kissing him and stared at him to see his reaction.

His lips were slightly parted. His ears were red. His eyes were half-closed while staring at me.

Damn. He’s fucking hot.

I held the hem of his black shirt and pulled it up. Tumulong naman siya sa akin para tuluyang mahubad ang suot niya.

My mouth watered when I saw his body. He has the sexiest body. His firm chest, wide shoulders, chiseled abs, perfect v-line… are to fucking die for.

Akin lang lahat ‘to.

I touched his abs. I bit my lower lip when I felt his dick hardening against my ass. Damn this horny man.

“I can’t wait to fuck your wits out, Rhiatt,” he muttered while staring at me.

I grinned and choked him… I rubbed my dick against his. “Fuck, yeah… Fuck me ‘til I can’t take it anymore.”

His manhood hardened even more. He gripped my hips and licked his lower lip. “Rhiatt… You’re making me lose my mind.”

Natigilan ako nang agad niyang pinagpalit ang posisyon namin. He hurriedly removed my top and threw it. He gripped my jaw and kissed me hard. I closed my eyes and kissed him back. I could hear the sound of our passionate kiss… and it’s fucking turning me on even more.

My pulse was racing fast as we kissed like there’s no tomorrow… as we exchanged saliva… as he kissed me until my lips were sore. His kisses went down to my neck. He sucked my skin, leaving a mark. I wanted to stop him because my teammates will see it tomorrow, but I couldn’t stop him either.

He kept on sucking and licking my neck. Hindi ko na alam kung ilang marka ang iniwan niya roon. His lips went down to my chest. I gasped when he started licking my nipple. I gripped his hair because it shocked me… and it felt good.

He bit my skin, and then sucked it. He was continuously leaving marks all over my body…

Tangina, bahala na.

He held the garter of my sweatpants and pulled it down together with my brief. I took a deep breath and looked at him. My dick was hard as rock.

I gripped Evron’s hair and pulled it down to my dick. Evron looked at me and held my dick, then he put it inside his mouth. My eyes dilated in pleasure.

“Fuck, tangina… Ganiyan nga… Ang sarap,” ungol ko habang nakakapit sa buhok niya.

Evron sucked my cock. He sucked my pre-cum like it was a delicacy. My lips parted when he tried to put my cock deeper into his mouth. He even put his hands on my ass to control it.

“Ah! Fuck! Ahh!” I moaned as he continuously sucked my hard dick.

It was obviously his first time, but damn… it felt so good because it’s him who’s sucking my cock right now. This was the best blow job in my life.

Evron looked at me. He put my cock out of his mouth. My dick was glistening with his saliva. I licked my lower lip.

I gasped when he gripped the back of my knees. He spread them and then he lifted my ass up. My eyes widened when I felt his tongue on my fucking back hole.

“Fuck! No!” I tried to push his head away.

But my protests turned into moans when he started licking it… It was uncomfortable, because I’m fucking embarrassed… but fuck. I can’t stop him.

My eyes rolled back when he tried to push the tip of his tongue deeper.

Fuck! I’m losing my mind!

He licked it repeatedly… Hindi na ako mapakali. I was trying to get off from his grip but he was too damn strong… Pakiramdam ko anumang oras, mawawala na ako sa sarili.

I was catching my breath when he finally stopped. He stood up without saying anything. He took the lubricant and that fucking long thing again.

Muli siyang sumampa sa kama. He put lubricant on that thing and spread my legs wider.

I gripped the sheets when he slowly entered that in my ass. He was breathing hard while staring at me… as if he couldn’t wait to have his turn.

“I can’t promise that it won’t hurt, Rhiatt… This is the least thing that I can do to somehow lessen the pain for you… My cock is bigger than this thing…” he whispered.

I bit my lower lip as he continuously moved that thing in and out of me. He was gentle at first, but when I finally adjusted, he started going deeper.

“Evron!” I gripped his forearm.

Evron was staring at me hungrily. His eyes were full of desire. He licked his lower lip and shoved it deeper inside me. My lips parted and my back arched.

“Fuck! Evron!”

Evron bit his lower lip. He pulled the thing out of my bottom and threw it on the bed. He immediately removed his sweat pants and boxers, leaving him completely naked. He took a box of condoms from the bedside table and opened it. He took one condom and opened it. And then he put it around his cock.

He put lube on his cock after that. I can’t get my eyes off his manhood… Fuck. I still don’t know if that will fit in my ass.

He gently stroked his rock hard dick, spreading the lube all over it. I gulped hard. Fucking no joke. He’s really big. I’m really proud of the size of my cock, but his cock is bigger than mine.

He gripped my arm and positioned me. Pinadapa niya ako sa kama. He lifted my ass and gripped my hips. I bit my lower lip when he spread my legs widely.

My toes curled when I felt the tip of his manhood on my opening. My eyes widened when he slowly entered me.

“Fuck!” napamura ako nang mariin.

Evron gripped my hips harder. “Rhiatt… Try to relax your muscles…”

“Tangina! Paano ako magre-relax, putanginang kalaki niyan! Ahh! Fuck!”

I groaned when he started moving his cock… slowly. But fuck. It fucking hurts! Walang wala ang ginagamit niya kanina!

“Fuck, Evron! Putangina…” mariing mura ko at napakapit nang mahigpit sa bed sheet.

“Rhiatt… P-please. Fuck, try to relax…”

Siguro nahihirapan din siya dahil masyadong masikip. I’m too damn tight for his huge cock.

Evron tried his best to go slow and gentle. Mapupunit na yata ang bed sheet sa higpit ng pagkakahawak ko roon.

“Rhiatt, you feel so good, love…” he moaned and tried to go deeper.

“Fuck! Evron!” I looked at him from behind. Namumuo na ang mga luha sa mga mata ko.

Mataas ang pain tolerance ko, I was sure of that… Pero ngayon hindi na yata ako sigurado.

Evron licked his lower lip. His eyes were closed. Tila sarap na sarap si gago habang naghihirap ako rito.

He pushed his cock deeper. I groaned and buried my face on the pillow. He was doing it slowly… as if he’s still trying his best to let me adjust to his cock.

He was doing it repeatedly, letting me adjust. I gulped hard. My toes curled when it was starting to feel different. It was unexplainable… It felt weird… Masakit pero sumasarap… Evron started going faster… My lips parted and my eyes dilated.

“Ah, tangina… Ang sarap,” Evron moaned and shoved his cock deeper.

Alam kong hindi gaanong palamura si Evron, pero ilang mura na yata ang nasabi niya ngayong gabi.

He gripped my hips harder as he fucked me roughly. My lips were parted and my back was arched. I’m fucking seeing stars above my head.

He shoved his cock deeper. I moaned as it kept on hitting something inside me.

“Ahh! Evron! Tangina… S-saglit! D-dahan dahan!”

It felt like he totally snapped. Tila wala na siyang kontrol sa sarili. It felt like he couldn’t hear me anymore. He kept on fucking me like it was the last fuck of his life.

I couldn’t believe this was his first time… Sobrang sarap.

I felt like losing it in every thrust. He was roughly ramming his huge cock in my ass… He kept on hitting my insides… He was continuously hitting
that
spot and it was so fucking good. I couldn’t stop moaning…

I tried to look at him from behind… My lips were parted. I could feel my own saliva streaming down my chin. Fuck. Hindi ko na makontrol ang sarili ko.

“L-lalabasan na ‘ko, Evron!” I tried to push his hips.

Evron gripped my wrists and put it behind me. Hinawakan niya ng isang kamay ang mga iyon. Bumagsak ang ulo ko sa unan.

“Fucking come…” he moaned and rammed deeper.

Halos mawalan ako ng malay sa sarap nang tuluyan akong nilabasan. My whole body trembled. I was literally quivering… My cum splattered all over his bed sheet.

“Ah, fuck…” Evron moaned and continued ravaging my bottom.

After a few more deep thrusts, he finally came. He pulled his dick out. Bumagsak ako sa kama… I couldn’t even feel my legs and ass anymore.

I laid on my back and bit my lower lip. I looked at Evron. He was staring at me, he was breathing heavily. I could see the satisfaction in his eyes… His cheeks were red. He was staring at me with those heavy lidded eyes.

“What should I do, Rhiatt?” he asked. “I think I’ll become addicted to this.”

Tangina. Dapat na ba akong matakot?

Chapter Seventy-One

“Uhm… I have a fever,” pagdadahilan ko.

“Oh, is that so? Sige, magpahinga ka na muna… And don’t forget to take your meds.”

Pagkatapos kong magpaalam, agad na ring nagpaalam si coach dahil magsisimula na ang practice.

Napangiwi ako at nakaramdam ng konsensya dahil mukhang concerned talaga si coach. Buti nga at hindi nagpunta. Minsan nagpupunta ‘yon kapag malala ang sakit ng player.

“Rhiatt… Here’s your breakfast…”

Evron entered the room holding a tray. He put it on the bedside table and sat beside me. He kissed my forehead and my lips.

I glared at him. “My ass hurts like hell!” I complained.

Evron sighed. “I’m sorry, love… I tried my best to be gentle.”

I raised my brow. “You didn’t… You fucked me like it was your last!”

He bit his lower lip and held my hand. “I’m so sorry… I love you.”

Lumambot din naman ako kaagad sa
I love you
ng hinayupak.

“Do you want me to massage your back? Do you want something? Just tell me what you want, love…” he said with a hint of concern in his voice.

I pursed my lips. “Wala. Kumain na lang tayo.”

Evron smiled and kissed my cheek. “Okay, love.”

Nagsimula na kaming kumain. Sinusubuan niya ako. Ayoko sanang magpasubo dahil kaya ko namang kumain mag-isa, pero mukhang gustong gusto niya ako subuan at pagsilbihan, kaya hinayaan ko na lang din siya.

After eating, I stood up and was about to go to the bathroom, but Evron held my arm.

“I’ll carry you to the bathroom.”

Napakunot ang noo ko. “Kaya ko naman…”

Mamaya baka mabigwasan ko na ‘to, e.

“Subukan mo ‘kong sundan…” pananakot ko.

I went to the bathroom and took a bath. Sa totoo lang, medyo masakit talaga… Actually, hindi medyo.

Tangina, parang may after pain. Kung palaging ganito kasakit kada tapos ng sex namin baka hindi ko na gustuhin makipag-sex ulit sa kaniya.

I covered my lower part with a towel and went out of the bathroom after taking a bath. Evron was sitting on the bed as if he was waiting for me. I shook my head and went to my closet. I took a white tank top and black shorts.

Lumapit sa akin si Evron at yumakap mula sa likuran ko. He kissed my cheek. “Dapat sabay na tayong naligo,” tila nagrereklamong sabi niya.

“Nakita kong naligo ka na kanina… Saka next time na. Baka kung ano pa ang maisipan mo. It will take time for my ass to recover… You have to wait.”

Evron sighed. He buried his face on my neck. “Sorry…”

I nodded. “Okay lang… Ginusto ko rin naman.”

Honestly, I still couldn’t believe I had sex with a man… no, with
my man.
The old Rhiatt would fucking faint if he knew this. He would be vomiting and cursing nonstop by now… Lalo na at ako pa ang bottom.

I grinned and shook my head…

But damn. That was the best sex that I ever had in my entire life… Hindi ko alam kung bakit… Siguro dahil mahal na mahal ko si Evron.

“What do you want to do today?” Evron asked.

This fucker was helping me wear my brief and shorts. Nagpumilit pa rin talaga siya kahit sinabi kong kaya ko na.

I wore my tank top and combed my hair. “Hmm…” Natigilan ako at nag-isip. Wala naman kami ibang pwedeng gawin dahil wala ako sa mood umalis.

Evron hugged me again… He always hugs me at every chance he gets… Well, I don’t hate it though.

“We can just watch movies,” I suggested. “What kind of movies do you watch?” I asked.

Natigilan siya. He cleared his throat and avoided my gaze. “Well… I watch anything.”

Napataas ang kilay ko sa reaksyon niya. “Hey… Don’t try to fool me or I’ll kill you… What kind of movies do you like?” I asked.

Evron sighed in defeat. “Well… I enjoy watching cute and wholesome anime.”

I bit the insides of my cheeks, trying to suppress my laugh. “Like what?”

“Gakuen babysitters… Kimi ni Todoke… Ghibli movies, or anime that have cats or dogs in it. Y-you know, things like that,” he whispered.

I couldn’t restrain my laugh anymore. I laughed while looking at him. Evron bit his lower lip and looked away, as if he was embarrassed.

I cupped his cheeks and made him look at me. “Don’t get me wrong, love. I wasn’t laughing because I’m insulting your tastes… I’m laughing because you’re too cute.” I hugged him.

Damn. This man is too precious. I don’t deserve him at all.

Evron hugged me too. “I’m sorry… I’m just fond of watching wholesome anime because they’re light. I’m not fond of watching horror, action, thriller or something too heavy… I may not look like it, but my heart can’t handle those kinds of genres… but it’s okay for us to watch anything that you like.”

I looked at him… Damn, we’re total opposites. Lahat ng hindi niya trip na genre, iyon ang mga paborito ko.

Hindi pa ako nakakanood ng anime. Siguro noong bata ako, ‘yung Dragon Ball at One Piece na napanood ko lang sa TV at Tagalog dubbed pa. I don’t even remember what those anime is all about.

I smiled. “Let’s watch anime…”

Evron looked at me suspiciously. “Are you sure? Sabi mo sa interview sa’yo, gusto mo ng action movies.”

I bit my tongue… Pati iyon alam niya.

“Okay lang… I’ve been wanting to watch something cozy and light…”

Evron shook his head. “Let’s watch your favorite genres.”

I sighed. “Okay, ganito na lang. Papanoorin natin ngayon ang mga gusto mo… Tapos sa susunod, ‘yung akin naman.”

Evron’s face beamed. He smiled and nodded. “Okay!” tila excited na sabi niya.

We went to the living room. Ako ang pinapili ni Evron ng papanoorin namin na nasa watch list niya habang naghahanda siya ng snacks namin.

I chose the anime with babies in it. Gakuen something… The first one that he mentioned earlier. I wanted to know what it was all about. Bakit mga babies ang bida roon?

He cooked popcorn and waffles. He doesn’t like eating junk food. Wala siyang kahit isang chips man lang sa cabinet niya.

We started watching… And damn. That was interesting.

The first episode made me tear up a little bit.

Evron looked at me and hugged me. “Why are you crying?” he asked.

“Tangina, sinong naiyak?” pagtanggi ko saka pasimpleng pinahid ang luha ko.

Evron chuckled and kissed my temple.

The succeeding episodes were all cute and light. Damn. I get him now. Akala ko boring ang mga ganito.

“Fuck, I suddenly want babies,” I whispered. “This made me want to be a father.”

Natigilan si Evron at gulat na napatingin sa akin. He seemed worried. “H-huh? G-gusto mo na ng pamilya sa iba?”

Napakunot ang noo ko. “Ano’ng pandinig ba ang meron ka, Evron?”

Tangina, parang may filter ang pandinig ni ungas.

“Hindi ‘yon ang ibig kong sabihin… They’re just too cute, it makes me want to have babies to take care of… But no, hindi ibig sabihin na gusto ko ng pamilya sa iba. Ikaw nga lang ang mahal ko…”

Napakagat si Evron sa ibabang labi. Bahagyang namula ang mukha niya. “Really? You love me?”

I nodded. “So much… So, don’t overthink. Ikaw lang ang gusto ko kasama bumuo ng pamilya.”

Evron kissed my cheek. “I love you so much…”

“Yeah, I—”

Natigilan kami nang tumunog ang doorbell. Napakunot ang noo ko. Parehas kaming tumayo ni Evron at sinilip kung sino iyon mula sa bintana.

Natigilan ako nang makita si Leander… Kasama si Russ. Napakunot ang noo ko. Ano’ng masamang hangin ang nagdala sa kanila rito?

Tumingin ako kay Evron. For some reason, he seemed pissed… I clenched my fists.

“You look mad… Why?” I asked in a serious tone.

Nagseselos ba siya at magkasama sina Russ at Leander?

Evron was still looking outside. “I don’t want to let them in… Most especially that friend of yours…”

My forehead creased. “Leander?”

He looked at me. His jaw clenched. “He likes you…”

Napakurap ako. Tila hindi agad nagproseso sa akin ang sinabi niya. “You’re kidding… Straight si Leander.”

Evron was staring at me… His eyes were screaming jealousy. “I just know that he likes you. I can feel it, Rhiatt… And your other friend too…”

My lips parted. “Si Connor?” I asked.

Mas lalong napakunot ang noo niya.

I don’t know if I’m going to believe him… Baka naman paranoid lang siya.

But come to think of it… Tama rin ang hinala niya noon kay Hugo… Pero baka nagkataon lang.

I’ve been friends with Leander and Connor… I really think that they’re straight.

Evron was glaring at Leander from the window. He was clenching his fist so hard.

I sighed and shook my head.

How am I going to handle an extremely jealous boyfriend like him?

Chapter Seventy-Two

“Bakit kayo nandito?” tanong ko habang nakatitig sa kanilang dalawa.

Nandito kami sa living room. Si Evron nasa kusina at naghahanda ng inumin ng dalawang ‘to na bigla na lang sumulpot.

Russ smiled at me. “Rhiatt… Nakita ko sa Facebook na official na kayo ni Evron. I just want to say that I’m happy for the both of you.”

I nodded. “Thanks…” I crossed my arms and stared intensely at him. “But let me remind you, Russ… You let him go before… So there’s no way in hell you’ll have him again. Evron is mine forever… Got it?” I asked in a serious tone.

Russ chuckled. “Yes, of course… I’m actually happy for the both of you. Parang kailan lang in denial ka pa…”

Napaiwas ako ng tingin at umismid. “Forget the past, dude…”

I looked at Leander. He was unusually quiet. But he smiled when I looked at him.

“I’m happy for you, dude,” he said and smiled at me.

I nodded. “Thanks…” I licked my lower lip. “How’s Connor by the way?” I asked.

Sa totoo lang, minsan nami-miss ko ang bond naming tatlo. Na-miss ko rin ang kakulitan ni Connor. Nasanay ako na bigla na lang silang nasulpot sa bahay ko… I may not show it, but I really treasure them as my friends. Kaya nalungkot ako noong c-in-ut off ako ni Connor. Talagang nasaktan ako… My life feels empty without them.

Leander smiled. “Well, we don’t talk that much anymore… He’s not asking about you either.”

Napatungo ako at napakagat nang mariin sa ibabang labi ko.

Is this my karma for being a jerk back then?

Leander sighed. “Rhiatt, if he can’t accept you for who you are, then you don’t deserve a friend like him.”

Natigilan ang kwentuhan namin nang lumabas si Evron na may dalang juice. Inilapag niya iyon sa center table saka umupo sa tabi ko.

“Gusto niyo ba ng makakain?” tanong ko.

“No, we’re good. Thanks,” sabi na lang ni Russ.

Umiling ako. “Hindi, kailangan niyo ng pagkain… Tara, Russ, tulungan mo ‘ko…” sabi ko saka tumayo.

Napakurap si Russ at nagtatakang tumingin sa akin.

Pa-cute amputa.

“Tara na,” iritadong sabi ko.

Wala naman siyang nagawa at sumunod sa akin. Nang makarating kami sa kusina, tumikhim ako at lumapit sa kaniya saka umakbay. Natigilan siya at nagtatakang tumingin sa akin.

“Sorry for the harsh things that I said about you before…” I massaged my nape. “You know, about you being gay and other stuff.”

Russ grinned. “This doesn’t suit you at all, Rhiatt.” Pabirong siniko niya pa ang tagiliran ko. “Talagang sinama mo pa ako rito para diyan…” he chuckled.

“Parang gago naman… Kitang nagso-sorry ako nang buong puso,” iritadong sabi ko.

Russ smiled and tapped my back. “Wala ‘yon, ano ka ba? Alam ko naman ang household na kinalakihan mo. Saka ang mahalaga, nag-improve ka na. Masaya ako para sa’yo… You seem better and happier.”

Napabuntonghininga ako habang nakatingin sa kaniya… Naiinis pa rin ako sa sobrang bait nitong taong ‘to. Hindi dahil naiinis ako sa kaniya… naiinis ako dahil madaling masamantala ang katulad niya. He doesn’t deserve to be taken advantage of and to be taken for granted. He’s just too pure and kind. I hope the best for him.

“Are you still trying to please your parents?” I asked… I couldn’t hide the hint of concern in my voice.

Russ forced a smile and nodded. “Oo, e. Sorry ha. Alam ko naiirita ka na ganito ako… Kaso hindi ko kasi talaga sila matiis… Hanga nga ako sa’yo, e. Kasi ang tapang mo… You’re loud and proud… You’re unbothered too.”

I sighed. “Matapang ka rin naman, ah… Hindi lahat kaya ‘yang ginagawa mo… But still, don’t forget the most important person in your life.”

“S-sino?” nagtatakang tanong niya.

“You…” I pointed to his chest. “You have to be the most important person in your life.”

Russ smiled. “Thank you, Rhiatt…”

“Kapag may nanggago sa’yo sa angkan natin, sabihin mo lang sa’kin at aawayin ko sila mga putangina nila—”

Natigilan ako dahil nanlaki ang mga mata ni Russ sa sinabi ko. He looked at me as if he was horrified about what I said. I cleared my throat and tapped his shoulder.

“I mean… I’ll face them with you, that’s what I mean. ‘Wag mong isipin na wala kang kakampi sa pamilya. I’m here. Okay?”

“Thank you, Rhiatt… I will always remember that.”

I smirked and nodded. “Good…”

Pagkatapos ng saglit naming pag-uusap, bumalik na kami sa living room na walang dalang pagkain dahil tinatamad ako.

Naabutan ko si Leander at Evron na nagtititigan… They were staring at each other as if they would kill each other any moment.

Nang mapansin nila ang presensya namin ni Russ, agad silang tumingin sa amin.

Leander smiled. “Akala ko magdadala kayo ng pagkain?”

Did my vision betray me? I’m sure I saw Leander staring coldly at Evron.

Si Leander ang pinakamabait sa’ming magkakaibigan. I’ve never seen him with such a cold expression before.

Siguro nagkamali lang ako ng tingin.

I sat beside Evron. “Busog daw pala si Russ,” sabi ko na lang.

Umakbay sa akin si Evron. He smiled and looked at Leander. “You must be sad because you can’t freely invade Rhiatt’s space anymore? He’s now living with me…”

Napakunot ang noo ko habang nakatingin kay Evron. He was smiling at Leander, but it felt like I could read his mind… It was as if he wanted to kill Leander.

Leander smiled. “Why would I be sad, dude? I’m happy for the both of you… Pati kaibigan ni Rhiatt pinagseselosan mo, that’s quite dangerous.” Leander looked at me. “Don’t you think so, Rhiatt? You always hated clingy partners.”

Natigilan ako nang mapansing napakuyom ang kamao ni Evron.

I laughed and tapped Evron’s chest. “I can handle him…”

“Yeah, Rhiatt can handle me… You don’t have to worry about our relationship, Rhiatt’s friend,” Evron said, emphasizing the word ‘friend.’

My forehead creased. I’m fucking confused.

Si Russ naman ay papalit palit lang din ang tingin kina Evron at Leander.

Ano ba’ng problema ng dalawang ‘to?

“Yes, I’m Rhiatt’s friend… Chill…” Leander smiled. “And besides…”

Natigilan ako nang akbayan niya si Russ. Kahit si Russ ay mukhang nagulat din. Nanlaki ang mga mata niya at gulat na tumingin kay Leander.

Napaawang ang mga labi ko sa gulat. I wasn’t expecting that at all.

“You don’t have to worry, Evron… I have my boyfriend right here,” Leander said and looked at Russ.

Russ blinked while staring at Leander. “H-huh?”

Leander slightly tilted his head and touched Russ’ chin. “You don’t have to be shy, baby… It’s just Rhiatt and Evron.”

They stared at each other for a while. Nagtatakang nakatingin lang ako sa kanilang dalawa, parang nag-uusap sila gamit lang ang mga mata.

Fuck! What the hell is happening here?!

Russ gulped. He looked at us and forced a smile. “A-ah, yeah… W-we’re a couple.”

Napakunot ang noo ko. “Akala ko ba hindi ka makikipagrelasyon dahil gusto mo ng approval ng parents mo?”

Russ chuckled. “W-well, things happened. I’ll just keep it a secret to my parents. K-kayo lang ang nakakaalam.”

Leander smiled. “Yeah… We trust the two of you.” He even kissed Russ’ forehead.

I looked at Leander. I still couldn’t believe it. “Since when you became gay, Leander? As far as I remember, you’re straight as fuck.”

Leander chuckled. “How can I tell that to you back then? I mean, to the old you?”

Natigilan ako… Sabagay, kahit si Hugo nga hindi agad naamin sa akin na bisexual siya dahil sa ugali ko noon.

I sighed and nodded. “Well, you have a point. Sorry about that, Leander.”

Leander smiled. “No worries, Rhiatt… It’s okay.”

Hindi rin sila nagtagal. Nagpaalam na rin sila dahil may aasikasuhin pa raw sila.

Hinahabol na lang namin sila ng tingin ni Evron mula sa pintuan. Saglit na napasulyap silang dalawa sa amin. Leander opened the car door for Russ…

I still couldn’t believe that they’re in a relationship.

I looked at Evron. Nakatitig siya sa papalayong kotse ni Leander.

“You have to tell Russ to be careful,” seryosong sabi niya.

“Bakit?” tanong ko.

Evron sighed and looked at me. “That Leander guy is a jerk… I can feel it.”

“You’re just overthinking things. Matagal ko nang kaibigan si Leander. He’s a good guy…” I said and smiled at him.

I’m sure of that.

Chapter Seventy-Three

“Fucking hell. I’m nervous…”

I gulped hard and looked at myself from the rearview mirror, making sure I looked good.

Tiningnan ko ang sarili ko. I’m wearing a black polo shirt and pants. I’m wearing my silver watch. I sprayed a lot of cologne… I also had my hair cut yesterday. My hair was brushed back so that I’d look presentable and clean.

“Do I look okay?” I asked Evron.

Evron was staring at me the whole time. Hindi niya pa pinapaandar ang kotse dahil titig na titig lang siya sa akin.

“You look more than okay… You’re so handsome. Bukas na lang kaya tayo tumuloy? I wanted to devour you—”

Agad kong tinakpan ang bibig niya. “Shut up. I did everything to look good today. Don’t ruin it.”

Evron chuckled. He was still staring at me lovingly. “You don’t have to worry, Rhiatt… My parents will like you.”

I bit my lower lip. “Tangina, kinakabahan talaga ako. Paano kung hindi nila ako magustuhan tapos bigyan nila ako ng pera para palayuin—”

“We don’t have that much money, love,” natatawang sabi ni Evron. “They won’t do that, don’t worry… They will like you. May tiwala sila sa lalaking mahal ng anak nila.”

Napabuga ako ng hangin at pilit na ngumiti…
Tama.
I shouldn’t doubt his parents. Napalaki nila nang maayos si Evron. For sure mababait talaga ang mga magulang niya.

Kahit na anong pilit kong pakalmahin ang sarili ko, hindi pa rin maalis sa akin ang kaba habang nasa biyahe papunta sa bahay ng mga magulang ni Evron. Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko sa kaba.

Humawak si Evron sa kamay ko, tila pinapakalma ako. Hindi ko rin talaga alam kung bakit kabadong kabado ako.

Matapos ang halos isang oras na biyahe, nakarating din kami sa bahay ng mga magulang ni Evron.

Napalunok ako nang nasa tapat na kami ng bahay nila. Even their house looks kind. It was simple, it wasn’t that huge… but it looked cozy and homely.

Evron smiled at me and held my hand. “I’m so excited, Rhiatt…”

Tangina, sana all. Mamamatay na yata ako sa kaba rito.

Halos pigil na pigil ang paghinga ko habang papasok kami sa bahay nila.

Marami silang mga halaman at bulaklak. May malulusog na mga aso at pusa rin sa bakuran nila, at lahat sila aspin at puspin.

“They’re all rescue cats and dogs. Hindi nakakatiis si Nana kapag may nakikitang stray animal sa labas,” natatawang kuwento ni Evron.

Napangiti ako. May pinagmanahan pala talaga itong si Evron sa kabaitan.

Pagpasok namin sa loob, amoy ng mabangong adobo ang bumungad sa amin.

“Evron, ‘nak!”

Natigilan ako nang may lalaking lumapit sa amin. Napaawang ang mga labi ko dahil sobrang tangkad niya. Sa tingin ko, siya ang tatay ni Evron dahil magkamukhang magkamukha sila.

Mukhang nasa genes talaga nila ang pagiging matangkad.

Nagmano si Evron sa tatay niya. Sunod na dumating ang sa tingin ko ay nanay ni Evron at may hawak pang sandok. Hindi siya katangkaran, hanggang dibdib lang yata siya ng tatay ni Evron… Sa tingin ko sa kaniya naman nagmana si Evan.

“Evron, anak! Nandito na kayo!”

Lumapit siya sa amin. Agad siyang yumakap kay Evron. Natatawang kinuha ng tatay ni Evron ang hawak na sandok ng asawa.

Evron’s mother looked at me and smiled. “Ikaw ba si Rhiatt, ‘nak?”

I nervously smiled and nodded. “O-opo…”

“Naku! Napakagwapong binata naman pala! Kaya laging kinukwento ni Evron! Naku, ang tangkad! Ang poging bata!” puri niya sa akin.

Napahalakhak ang tatay ni Evron. “Nako, ‘nak. ‘Wag mo nang pakawalan itong si Rhiatt at baka ma-untog pa!”

“Tata naman… Baka mauntog talaga si Rhiatt at iwan ako,” reklamo ni Evron.

Tahimik na nakatingin lang ako sa kanila. They really looked kind. Their presence feels like a warm hug. They were smiling and welcoming… Kahit ngayon pa lang nila ako nakilala, pakiramdam ko parte na agad ako ng pamilya nila.

“Rhiatt, naku… Salamat at binigyan mo ng chance itong panganay namin. Halos umiyak na sa’min ‘yan kasi mahal na mahal ka raw niya,” sabi ng nanay ni Evron saka humagikhik.

Namula ang mukha ni Evron. “You’re exaggerating, Nana.”

“Ay sus, nahiya pa… Oh, siya… Halika, kumain tayo.” Ngumiti sa akin ang nanay ni Evron saka humawak sa kamay ko. “Nana na lang ang itawag mo sa akin, Rhiatt… Saka Tata naman sa kaniya,” sabi niya saka itinuro ang tatay ni Evron.

“Oo, ‘nak… Nana at Tata na lang ang itawag mo sa’min… Mas komportable kami ro’n,” nakangiting sabi ng tatay ni Evron.

“Baka mabigla naman po si Rhiatt…” tila nag-aalalang sabi ni Evron.

Ngumiti ako at umiling. “Ayos lang po… Nana. Tata…” tila nahihiya pang sabi ko.

Napapalakpak sa tuwa ang nanay ni Evron… si Nana. Agad niya akong hinila sa kusina. Sumunod naman si Evron at si Tata.

Ipinaghain kami ni Nana, habang natulong sa kaniya si Tata. Nakatitig ako sa kanila. Gaya ng sabi ni Evron, matagal na silang mag-asawa, pero kitang kita pa rin na mahal na mahal nila ang isa’t isa.

“Ganda mo, mahal ko…” sabi ni Tata saka humalik sa pisngi ni Nana.

“Ewan ko sa’yo… Tingnan mo nga, ang haggard ko na…”

“Hindi, ah. Ang ganda ganda ng asawa ko… I love you.”

Nahihiyang tumingin si Nana sa akin. “Ano ka ba naman? Hindi ka na nahiya kay Rhiatt.”

Napangiti ako at umiling. “Ayos lang po, ang saya niyo pong tingnan.”

Napangiti si Tata at tinulungan si Nana na itali ang buhok nito… Sa ganitong household pala lumaki si Evron. Kaya pala ganiyan din siya kung magmahal.

Nang matapos silang maghain, agad na kaming kumain. Masarap magluto si Nana. Ang luto niya yatang adobo ang pinakamasarap na adobong natikman ko.

“Rhiatt, nagustuhan mo ba ang luto ko? Pasensya na ha. Nambibigla kasi itong si Evron kaya hindi ako nakapaghanda ng iba pang putahe,” nakangiting sabi ni Nana.

Ngumiti ako sa kaniya. “Ang sarap po ng luto ninyo. Baka po balik-balikan ko ‘to…”

Humawak si Nana sa kamay ko. “Pwedeng pwede ka bumalik anytime, ‘nak. Kahit nga ikaw lang mag-isa, ayos lang… Kung gusto mo magpunta rito at tikman ang luto ko, pwedeng pwede.”

I bit the insides of my cheeks… I’ve never felt this warmth before. I feel so seen and accepted… and loved.

“‘Nak, pwede ba akong magpa-autograph at magpa-picture? Iyayabang ko lang sa mga kapitbahay. Sikat na basketball player ang boyfriend ng panganay ko,” tila excited na sabi ni Tata.

Napangiti ako. “Opo, pwedeng pwede po…”

“Naku! Hindi talaga ko makapaniwala nu’ng sinabi ni Evron na ikaw ang boyfriend niya! Napapanood ka namin minsan sa tv na naglalaro. Nakakaproud naman, ‘nak. Ang galing mo magbasketball,” sabi ni Nana, hindi maalis ang ngiti sa labi.

“Totoo ‘yan, mahal. Itong si Evron nga, e. Matangkad din kaso walang hilig sa basketball… Nakakaproud naman kahit gano’n dahil ang boyfriend niya, sikat na basketball player. Ipagyayabang ko talaga iyan sa iba,” dagdag naman ni Tata.

Natigilan ako. Those words were like a warm touch that reached my heart…

Those words are the words that I’ve been wanting to hear from my parents… that they are proud of me for being a basketball player. They’ve been convincing me to stop playing for years… because they think it was just a nonsense hobby… But Evron’s parents are looking at me as if they were so proud of me… they seemed so proud of the fact that I’m a basketball player.

I looked at them. I could see it in their eyes… how they are so proud of me, even though they just met me.

After eating, Evron volunteered to wash the dishes. Kami naman nina Nana at Tata ay nasa sala.

“Rhiatt… masaya ka ba sa anak namin?” nakangiting tanong ni Nana.

Tumango ako. “Sobrang saya po… Mahal na mahal po ako ni Evron.”

Napangiti si Tata. “Nako, dapat lang… Kapag sinaktan ka ng batang ‘yan, malalagot siya sa akin.”

Napalunok ako at napatingin sa mga kamay ko. Kanina pa ako nagpipigil ng iyak… Ilang beses kong narinig mula kay Evron na mabait ang mga magulang niya, pero hindi ko inaasahan na ganito sila kabuting tao.

Malayong malayo sa mga magulang ko.

“T-thank you po… sa pagtanggap sa akin para kay Evron.”

“Bakit ka naman nagt-thank you, ‘nak? Kami nga ang dapat mag-thank you at sinagot mo ang anak namin. Naku, mahal na mahal ka niyan…”

I licked my lower lip and blinked a few times, trying to stop myself from crying.

Do I deserve to have this kind of people in my life? They’re too kind… and too good for me.

“Rhiatt, ‘nak… May problema ba?” nag-aalalang tanong ni Nana.

I looked at them. They are worriedly looking at me.

“S-sorry po… T-tanggap na tanggap niyo po ako… p-pero ‘yung mga magulang ko po, h-hindi po nila tanggap ang relasyon namin ni Evron,” pag-amin ko.

Nagkatinginan silang mag-asawa. They looked at me again. The look in their eyes didn’t change… as if it didn’t matter to them.

“Ayos lang sa’min ‘yon, ‘nak. Hindi naman lahat ng magulang bukas ang isip sa ganito… Nakakalungkot dahil hindi mo dapat nararanasan ang ganiyan sa mga magulang mo mismo… Pero ‘wag mo kaming isipin… Masaya kami basta masaya si Evron… pati na rin ikaw,” nakangiting sabi ni Nana.

Tata smiled at me too. “Nandito lang kami ng Nana kapag kailangan mo ng masasandalan at ng makakausap maliban kay Evron, ‘nak.”

Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko at tuluyang napaluha. Nag-panic silang dalawa. Agad na lumapit sa akin si Nana at humawak sa mga kamay ko.

Hindi ko mapigilan. Sunod-sunod ang pagtakas ng mga luha mula sa mga mata ko. Napatakip ako sa bibig ko at napahagulgol ng iyak.

Agad na sumulpot si Evron at tumakbo palapit sa akin, siguro narinig niya ang pag-iyak ko. May bula pa ang mga kamay niya pero ipinahid niya lang iyon sa damit niya, tila wala ng pakialam pa roon.

“What happened? Pinaiyak niyo po ba siya?” pang-aakusa niya kina Nana.

Umiling ako. “H-hindi… S-sobrang saya ko lang dahil nagustuhan nila ako,” sabi ko na lang.

Yumakap sa akin si Nana at hinaplos ang likod ko. “Welcome to the family, ‘nak… Welcome na welcome ka rito, ha…”

Napakagat ako sa ibabang labi ko habang patuloy sa pagluha. Yumakap din ako sa kaniya. Tila wala na siyang pakialam kahit nababasa ang damit niya ng mga luha ko.

Ganito pala ang pakiramdam ng pagtanggap… Ngayon ko lang naranasan… at mula pa sa mga tao na hindi ko kadugo.

Chapter Seventy-Four

“Okay na po ‘to, Nana…” sabi ni Evron saka napakamot sa batok.

“Naku, ‘wag ka na nga magreklamo riyan. Paano kung gutumin si Rhiatt?” sabi ni Nana habang patuloy sa pagpa-pack ng mga pagkain na iuuwi namin ni Evron.

Napangiti na lang ako habang pinapanood sila. Si Tata naman ay tuwang tuwa sa mga papel na may autograph ko. Ipamimigay niya raw sa mga kapitbahay nila rito. I don’t know if their neighbors even know me… but Tata seems happy.

Matapos magpack ni Nana, agad siyang lumapit sa akin at yumakap.

“Nak, take tayo ng picture lahat… Post ko sa facebook, okay lang?” nakangiting tanong nito.

I smiled and nodded. “Sure po, Nana.”

Napapalakpak sa tuwa si Nana. She even took a tripod. Nabanggit ni Evron na mahilig daw mag-reels si Nana kaya may tripod sila. Minsan mga lutuin, mga halaman, mga pusa at aso, pati paglilinis ang kino-content ni Nana. She added me on Facebook earlier. In-accept ko naman agad siya pati si Tata.

Umupo kaming lahat sa couch nila. Nasa gitna kami ni Evron at naka-akbay siya sa amin ni Nana. Si Tata naman ay nasa kabilang gilid ko. We took a lot of pictures. Hindi ako mahilig sa mga picture, pero masaya ako dahil mukhang tuwang tuwa sina Nana.

“Salamat po sa inyo, Nana… Thank you po sa pag-welcome sa akin,” nakangiting sabi ko habang nakahawak sa dalawang kamay ni Nana.

“Naku, ano ka ba naman, ‘nak? Sa susunod, punta ka lang dito kapag gusto mo, ha. Sabihan mo lang ako para makapaghanda ako at maipagluto kita ng masarap…” sabi ni Nana saka humawak sa magkabilang pisngi ko.

I smiled sweetly and nodded. “Yes, Nana…”

“Hindi pa ba kayo magpapakasal ni Evron? Pwede ang same-sex marriage sa ibang bansa, ‘di ba?” nakangising tanong ni Tata.

I nervously chuckled. “Tata, wala pa po kaming isang buwan ni Evron.”

Humalakhak si Tata. “Hindi ka na papakawalan ng anak ko, Rhiatt. Manang mana sa’kin ‘yan!”

Evron smiled and nodded. “Mag-iipon pa po ako, Tata… Para makapagpakasal kami.”

Mukhang manang mana nga si Evron kay Tata.

Napakagat ako sa ibabang labi ko at tumingin sa kanila. “M-may tanong lang po ako… ‘Wag niyo po sanang masamain…” I licked my lower lip. “Ayos lang po sa inyo na hindi kayo magkaroon ng apo… na kadugo niyo?”

Natigilan sina Nana at Tata at nagkatinginan. Ngumiti sila saka tumingin sa akin.

“Rhiatt, wala sa isip namin ‘yon. Kung ano ang gusto ng mga anak namin, doon kami masaya… Kung saan kayo masaya ni Evron, doon kami masaya. Nabanggit sa amin ni Evron na nasa isip niyo mag-ampon sa future… Apo na namin iyon. Kailangan bang kadugo para maging apo?” nakangiting tanong ni Nana. “Mahalin niyo lang ang isa’t isa at maging masaya… ‘wag niyo nang isipin pa ang ibang bagay.”

Tumango si Tata. “Oo, ‘nak. Parehas kami ng opinyon ng Nana niyo pagdating diyan. Sinasabi rin ng mga kapitbahay namin dito na paano raw ang angkan namin kung hindi magkakaroon ng anak ang mga anak ko… Naku… Wala kaming pakialam doon. Kasiyahan ng mga anak namin ang priority namin.”

Tila may humaplos sa puso ko dahil sa sinabi nila. Mayroon pala talagang mga magulang na katulad nila… na kapakanan ng mga anak ang iniisip. May mga katulad pala nila na hindi huhusgahan o pangungunahan ang anak sa gusto nila maging.

I bit my lower lip and restrained my tears again. I don’t want to cry again… baka mag-alala na naman sila sa akin.

“You’re so admirable po, Nana and Tata… I want to be a parent like you… I-I’m just scared. Baka unconsciously po, kahit na ayaw ko, ma-adapt ko po ang toxicity ng mga magulang ko… I want to be as good as you,” I whispered.

Nana smiled and caressed my hand. “Nak… Ramdam namin na magiging mabuti kayong magulang ni Evron. Saka take it easy lang, ‘nak. Kahit kami namang mag-asawa, hindi kami perfect. Pero ginagabayan lang namin ang isa’t isa at binubuksan ang isip namin sa mga bagay na hindi pa namin alam, o kailangan naming matutunan… Hindi mo naman kailangan madiliin ang growth mo. Nandiyan din si Evron at hindi ka pababayaan niyan…”

“T-thank you po sa inyo…”

“Mahal, papaiyakin mo na naman si Rhiatt, oh…” pang-aasar ni Tata.

Siguro mapapadalas ang pagbisita ko rito. I like the warmth of this family… it was something new to me. Their warmth and acceptance opened my eyes to the things that a child should be experiencing.

“Love… Are you okay?”

Natigilan ako at napalingon kay Evron. We’re now on our way home. He was looking at the road as he drove, but I could feel that he was worried about me.

I smiled and nodded. “I’m okay… Masaya lang ako. I was so happy that I finally met your family.”

Evron smiled. “They’re your family now, Rhiatt…”

That warmed my heart even more. It was so nice to have a family like them.

Matapos ang biyahe, agad na rin akong nag-shower at nagpalit ng komportableng damit. I wore Evron’s shirt and his PJs. Malaki ang mga iyon at komportable isuot.

Humiga ako sa kama at nag-scroll sa feed ko. Napangiti ako nang makita ko ang post ni Nana. She posted our picture.

Elena Gallegos

Picture with my anak Evron and his boyfriend na pogi hehehe. #NewFamilyMember #GoodBasketball #pba

Nag-comment din si Tata.

Ronnel Gallegos

Hahaha!!! bsketball player boyfren ng anak ko. Mgaling pa! #proudtata

Napakagat ako nang mariin sa ibabang labi ko. What did I do to deserve them? They’re too good for me.

“Love…”

Natigilan ako nang tawagin ni Evron ang atensyon ko. He just came out of the bathroom. Nakatapos ang towel sa baywang niya. He looked like a hot shampoo model. He was wiping his wet hair with another towel. I was mentally drooling while staring at him.

He grinned while staring at me. “You look hot with my clothes on.”

Napailing na lang ako. We’re equally hungry for each other.

Matapos magsuot ng sando at sweatpants, humiga na rin siya sa tabi ko at yumakap.

I put my phone down and looked at him. He smiled at me and kissed my lips.

“Evron… I realized something…”

Nagtatakang tumingin siya sa akin. “Ano ‘yon?”

I bit my lower lip before answering. “I think I already like you even before… Alam mo ‘yon? Noong mga panahon pa lang na hindi tayo magkasundo, sa tingin ko, na-attach na ako sa’yo. Noong narinig ko kina Connor na may crush ka
raw
sa akin, the best thing that I can do is to avoid you… But thinking about it, I acted like an immature fool, as if I was trying to get your attention. Siguro hindi ko lang ma-realize noon… Pero kapag iniisip ko na siya ngayon… siguro noon pa man may gusto na ako sa’yo.”

Ayoko sanang sabihin sa kaniya iyan dahil baka lumaki ang ulo niya. But I want him to know about it.

I acted like he disgusts me… I acted like I hate him… But upon reflecting on my past actions, I felt like I liked him even before. There was something about him that pulled me close to him. Kasi kung iisipin, dapat nilayuan ko na lang siya noong narinig ko ang chismis na crush niya raw ako… Bakit ako nagpapapansin pa?

Siguro gusto ko na siya no’n… hindi ko lang matanggap sa sarili ko.

“I believe it was me who liked you first,” I grinned.

Evron smiled and shook his head. “No… It was me who liked you first, Rhiatt…”

I stared at him… I’m sure it was me. But he seemed pretty confident.

Bumangon siya saka tumayo at nagtungo sa drawer niya. Natigilan ako nang hugutin niya ang buong box saka inilapag sa kama.

Bumungad sa akin ang mga maliliit na laruan. They’re all pink… My forehead creased. I looked at Evron… I was confused.

“I really didn’t want to tell you this, Rhiatt… I’m sure you won’t remember this anymore…” he said in a soft tone and gave me a weak smile.

Kumuha ako ng isa at tinitigan iyon… It felt familiar… but I just can’t remember.

Evron held my hand. “We first met at Vendaville Elementary School, Rhiatt…”

I froze. “P-paano mo nalaman na doon ako nag-aral?”

Evron licked his lower lip. Tila ba pilit siyang kumukuha ng lakas ng loob. “I was a fat kid back then… and I was always bullied. There was a kid who stood up for me. He was so brave and admirable… We started eating together after that, because he wanted to make sure that no one could bother me while I ate… He was always giving me his toys… and I always shared my lunch with him in return… I didn’t know the concept of having a crush or puppy love back then… but thinking about it now, that kid awakened something in me when I met him.”

I was just staring at him. I’m sure he could see the confusion in my eyes.

“A-ano ang kinalaman ko ro’n?” I stuttered.

Evron smiled. “You are that kid, Rhiatt…”

My eyebrows furrowed. “You must be mistaken, Evron… Wala akong mga ganitong laruan noon—”

Natigilan ako at napalunok. I touched my forehead and shook my head… These are familiar… but I just can’t remember.

Evron touched my cheeks and smiled at me. “It’s not important anymore… You don’t have to force yourself to remember. What’s important to me is that you’re here with me… and you love me.”

He pulled me into a warm embrace. I hugged him back and sighed.

There’s something about it that’s bothering me… Evron won’t lie about meeting me in the past.

Bakit hindi ko maalala?

Chapter Seventy-Five

I was sure I had a good childhood. My parents were not perfect, but they weren’t abusive… That’s what I remember.

“Bakit bigla kang napabisita, Rhai?” tanong ni Ate Rhianne.

Hinila ako ni Ate Rhianne paupo sa couch. Nakita ko ang girlfriend niya na si Hira na nakaupo. Natigilan siya sa pagtingin sa mga files at tumingin sa akin.

“Hi, Rhiatt,” nakangiting bati niya sa akin.

I smiled. “Hello, Hira…”

“Buti na lang napabisita ka. Gusto kong ikaw ang unang makaalam…” Ate Rhianne smiled and showed me her ring. “Hira proposed to me last week! Magpapakasal kami next year sa abroad!” excited na sabi ni Ate.

My eyes widened. I touched her hand and looked at her ring. “Wow, congrats sa inyo, Ate Rhianne!” I hugged her.

I’m genuinely happy for them. Masaya akong makita na unbothered na si Ate Rhianne kahit alam niyang hindi magugustuhan ito nina Mama. She’s choosing her happiness.

Hira smiled at me. “You have to make time to attend our wedding, Rhiatt.”

I nodded. “I will surely attend… Hindi pwedeng wala ako sa kasal niyo.”

Nagpaalam na rin si Hira para bigyan kami ng time ni Ate Rhianne.

Ate Rhianne smiled and held my hand. “Hindi ako makapaniwalang matured na ang kapatid ko. Parang kailan lang galit ka sa mga bakla…” pang-aasar niya.

I groaned. “Ate naman… ‘Wag mo na ipaalala ‘yon.”

Ate Rhianne gave me a teasing smile. “Bakit hindi mo kasama ‘yung boyfriend mo?”

I awkwardly chuckled. “May kailangan kasing asikasuhin sa gym. Ipapakilala ko siya sa’yo sa mga susunod na araw.”

“Ayos lang… Noong napanood ko ‘yung live mo pati ‘yung pag-post mo sa relasyon niyo, sobrang proud ko sa’yo. For sure umusok ang ilong nina Mama, pero dedmahin mo na.”

Natahimik ako at kinapa sa bulsa ko ang laruan na kinuha ko kay Evron. Natigilan si Ate Rhianne nang mapansin na natahimik ako. She tapped my shoulder.

“Okay ka lang, Rhai?” she asked in a worried tone.

I bit my lower lip and looked at her. “Ate… I was just confused about something… You’re four years older than me. Ibig sabihin, noong grade 3 ako, first year high school ka no’n… ‘Di ba?”

Evron mentioned that he was sure I was grade 3 that time… when we became friends during our elementary years.

Ate Rhianne froze with my question. I saw how she became uneasy… She was trying to hide it, but I noticed.

“Bakit mo naman natanong ‘yan?” tanong niya.

Kinuha ko ang laruan mula sa bulsa ko. It was a small Jigglypuff toy. Napalunok si Ate Rhianne nang makita niya iyon.

“Evron showed me this. Sabi niya, sa akin galing ‘to… noong elementary kami. I don’t remember owning something like this… But I feel uneasy, because it feels familiar. Alam kong wala akong mapapala kung kina Mama ako magtatanong… kaya sa’yo ako nagtatanong ngayon, ate.” I held her hand. “May naaalala ka ba? Can you please tell me?”

Ate Rhianne stared at me. Hindi ko malaman kung nag-aalangan ba siya, o gustong gusto niyang magsalita. Parang nahahati ang nararamdaman niya.

“Ate, I want to know… I want to remember Evron,” I said, trying to convince her.

Ate Rhianne sighed. She stood up and went to her room. Nanatili akong nakaupo sa sala habang hinihintay siya. Ilang saglit pa, bumalik siya at may hawak na mga papel at isang kahon.

“Mama told me to throw these away, but I secretly kept them… Dahil baka sakaling makaalala ka.”

Inabot sa akin ni Ate ang mga papel at kahon. Una kong tiningnan ang laman ng kahon. It was all pink toys. Jigglypuff character. Halata sa mga iyon na luma na.

Sunod kong tiningnan ang mga papel. Drawing ang mga iyon. Nasabi sa akin nina Mama na bata pa lang ako, magaling na akong mag-drawing.

Mga drawing iyon ng isang bata. He was a chubby kid. May mga drawing din na kasama ako. Magkatabi kami.

“Rhiatt… These are all yours. Noong bata ko, palihim kang bumibili ng mga ganiyang laruan. Ako lang ang nakakaalam no’n… Dahil magagalit sina Mama kapag nalaman nila. We kept it a secret… the fact that you like things like that.”

Napalunok ako. Hindi ko pa rin maalala. It was so damn frustrating. I want to remember it. Gustong gusto kong maalala…

“One day, you told me that you have a new friend. Sabi mo sa’kin gustong gusto mo siya kasama. Palagi mo siyang dino-drawing at pinapakita sa akin para makilala ko siya. You looked so happy back then. Minsan namumula pa ang mukha mo kapag ikinukwento mo siya… Tingnan mo ang likod ng mga papel.”

Napalunok ako at sinunod ang sinabi niya. May mga nakalagay na date doon… at maikling mga sulat.

Sabay ulit kami kumain ni Evron. Ang saya ko kasama siya. Sana forever kami magsama.

Ang kyut kyut ni Evron. Gusto ko siya i-hug palagi dahil ang lambot niya.

Ang saya ko palagi kapag sabay kami kumain dahil binibigyan niya ako ng pagkain. Masarap magluto ang Nana niya.

I gulped hard when I read Evron’s name… So, he was telling the truth. We really met when we were kids…

I licked my lower lip. Namumuo ang luha sa mga mata ko.

May mga friend naman ako na lalaki pero hindi ko masabi kay Mama si Evron. Crush ko yata siya pero sabi ni Mama hindi nagkakacrush ang lalaki sa lalaki.

Nahiya ako kasi sabi ko kay Evron gusto ko siya makasama forever. Hindi siya sumagot. Ayaw niya ba sa akin?

Hehe nahiya lang pala siya. Sabi niya gusto niya rin ako makasama forever and ever.

Babae at lalaki lang ba ang pwede magpakasal? Bawal talaga kapag pareho lalaki? Baka magalit si mama kapag tinanong ko.

Sana crush din ako ni Evron.

I just realized that tears were streaming down my cheeks. I sobbed as I read all the letters written on the back of the sketches. Ate Rhianne hugged me…

Bakit hindi ko maalala? These are precious memories. Why can’t I remember?

Kumalas si ate sa pagkakayakap at tumitig sa akin. “N-nalaman nina Mama at Papa ang tungkol diyan, Rhiatt…” Ate Rhianne muttered. “They beat you up in a small room… and they locked you there… for days.”

Nanginig ang mga kamay ko. I looked at Ate Rhianne… and I’m sure she could see it in my horrified expression… that it shocked me.

“W-what? T-they did what?” I asked.

I touched my chest. I was starting to have a hard time breathing. I was catching my breath.

“T-they beat you up… and they locked you up in a small room for days for you to reflect.”

Nanghihinang nabitiwan ko ang mga papel na hawak ko.

What she said broke me… I was hurt… and so disappointed.

Chapter Seventy-Six

Trigger Warning:
Child abuse 

---

October 13, 2008

Inamin na sa akin ni Rhiatt na crush niya talaga si Evron. Masaya ako para kay Rhiatt pero natatakot din ako na baka malaman nina Mama at mapagalitan siya.

October 14, 2008

Tinutulungan ko si Rhiatt na magtago kina Mama. Minsan nilalagay namin ni Rhiatt ang mga laruan niya sa kwarto ko para hindi maghinala sina Mama.

Mabigat ang dibdib ko habang binabasa ang bawat pahina sa diary ni Ate Rhianne. Hindi ko alam kung dapat kong ipagpasalamat na mayroon siyang ganito… o dapat bang matakot ako, dahil dito nakasulat ang mga nangyari sa akin noon… pati ang hindi maganda.

Napabuga ako ng hangin habang nakatingin kay Evron na nakaupo rin sa tabi ko at nakikibasa. Nagpaalam ako kay Ate Rhianne kung pwede ring mabasa ni Evron ang mga ito, at pinayagan niya ako.

Nakalaan ang diary na ito sa mga alaala naming magkapatid.

October 21, 2008

Dumating ang kinakatakot namin. Nalaman ni Mama na kay Rhiatt ang mga laruan dahil nahuli niya si Rhiatt na nilalaro iyon sa kwarto niya. Nakita rin ni Mama ang mga drawing ni Rhiatt. Dinala nina Papa sa kwarto si Rhiatt. Maliit na silid iyon dahil doon nakalagay ang mga panglinis sa bahay. Umiiyak ako habang naririnig ang pag-iyak ni Rhiatt. Kinakatok ko ang pinto. Nakikiusap ako kina Mama na wag ng paluin si Rhiatt pero hindi sila nakikinig sa akin. Naghalo ang sigaw at iyak ni Rhiatt sa silid. Sumisigaw rin sina Papa ng masasakit na salita.

“Wala akong anak na bakla!”

“Nakakahiya ka!”

Sumisikip ang dibdib ko sa mga naririnig ko. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko matutulungan si Rhiatt. Hindi ko alam kung tatawagan ko ba si Lola. Kakampihan ba nila si Rhiatt?

Matagal sila sa kuwarto. Sobrang tagal. Nang lumabas sina Mama at Papa, nasulyapan ko lang si Rhiatt. Hindi ko alam ang nangyari sa kaniya pero nakita ko na nakabaluktot siya sa sahig at nakayakap sa sarili niya. Sinubukan kong pumasok pero pinigilan ako nina Papa. Kinandado nila ang pinto ng silid at tinanggalan nila ng ilaw.

“Isipin mo ang kasalanan mo Rhiatt! Hindi ka aalis diyan hangga’t hindi ka nagtatanda!” Iyon ang sabi ni Mama.

Iyak ako nang iyak habang nakikiusap sa kanila na palabasin si Rhiatt. Takot sa dilim si Rhiatt. Hindi siya makatulog kapag walang ilaw. Siguradong matatakot siya.

Pero hindi nakinig sa akin sina Mama. Lumipas ang ilang araw. Halos isang linggo. Kada papasok sila sa kuwarto, papaluin ni Papa si Rhiatt at tatanungin kung nagtanda na siya. Kapag hindi niya nakukuha ang sagot na gusto niya, kinukulong niya ulit si Rhiatt. Dinadalhan lang nila ng pagkain.

Pinapagalitan ako ni Mama kapag nakikiusap ako na palabasin si Rhiatt. Sabi niya na iyon ang paraan para magtanda si Rhiatt. Hindi raw tama ang ginagawa ni Rhiatt.

Ipinatapon niya sa akin ang mga drawing at laruan ni Rhiatt pero itinago ko lang yon. Ayokong itapon ang mga bagay na mahalaga kay Rhiatt.

October 30, 2008

Hindi na nakakulong si Rhiatt. Naawa ako sa kanya dahil may mga sugat siya sa katawan dahil sa pagpalo nina Papa. Sobra akong nag-alala sa kapatid ko.

Tinawag ko siya nang palihim at sinabi ko sa kanya na hindi ko tinapon ang mga drawing at laruan niya. Pero nagtaka ako dahil sabi niya sakin, hindi niya alam kung ano ang sinasabi ko.

Naguguluhan ako. Bakit hindi maalala ni Rhiatt? Tiningnan ko kung nagpapanggap lang siya. Pero kilala ko si Rhiatt kapag nagsisinungaling siya. Mukhang nagsasabi siya ng totoo. Hindi niya talaga maalala ang mga laruan niya, pati ang crush niya na si Evron.

Tinanong ko siya kung naaalala niya kung bakit siya nakakulong sa kwarto niya. Sabi niya, nasira niya ang laruang robot na binili ni Mama sa kanya kaya siya pinarusahan.

Pati sina Mama nagtataka kung bakit hindi maalala ni Rhiatt. Noong una, mukha silang naguguluhan. Pero sa huli, natuwa sila.

Sabi nila kay Rhiatt.

“Oo, anak. Iyon ang dahilan kung bakit ka namin pinarusahan.”

Natuwa sina Mama dahil hindi maalala ni Rhiatt si Evron. Imbis na mag-alala sila na nakalimot si Rhiatt, masaya pa sila dahil hindi na raw bakla si Rhiatt.

Sinabihan ako ni Mama na wag nang ipaalala kay Rhiatt ang nangyari. Wag na wag ko raw sabihin kay Rhiatt ang totoo.

Hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman ko. Hindi ako masaya. Nalulungkot ako para kay Rhiatt pero hindi ko alam ang dapat kong gawin.

Hindi muna pinapasok nina Mama si Rhiatt dahil may mga sugat pa siya, kaya absent na naman si Rhiatt ng isang linggo.

November 22, 2008

Niloko si Rhiatt ng mga kaklase niya at ikinulong sa CR. Pinatawag sina Mama sa school dahil nahirapan daw huminga si Rhiatt at hinimatay.

Dinala nina Mama sa doktor si Rhiatt, pati sa psychiatrist. Doon namin nalaman na nagkaroon ng trauma si Rhiatt. Hindi niya kayang makulong sa masisikip na lugar. Umiiyak siya at nahihirapan huminga. Nanginginig din ang buong katawan niya.

Doon ko na-realize na hindi ko kayang sabihin kay Rhiatt ang totoo. Na-trauma na siya sa nangyari. Paano ko sasabihin sa kanya ang tungkol kay Evron? Paano ko pa sasabihin sa kanya ang totoong dahilan kung bakit siya kinulong?

Alam ko na agad na dito nagsimula ang paglayo ng loob ko kina Mama.

July 27, 2013

2nd year high school na si Rhiatt, at ako naman 2nd year college na. Napansin ko na madalas pa rin siyang binabangungot. Siguro nga nakalimutan ng utak niya ang nangyari, pero hindi nakalimot ang puso niya.

Nahuli ko siyang naninigarilyo sa likod bahay. Sabi niya sa akin, iyon daw ang isa sa paraan para makapag-relax siya ayon sa kaklase niya. Sinabihan ko siya na hindi magandang magsigarilyo, pero nairita siya sa akin. Hindi siya nakinig sa akin.

Napansin ko na simula nang mangyari iyon, nagiging suwail at iritable si Rhiatt. Siguro dahil madalas siyang bangungutin at hirap makatulog.

Napapatropa na rin siya sa mga kaklase niya na nagcu-cutting. Ako ang tinatawagan ng teacher niya kapag may ginagawa siyang kalokohan dahil laging busy sina Mama.

Nagulat ako dahil isang beses, sa unang pagkakataon, narinig ko siyang nagmura.

Hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman ko. Hindi ko maiwasang malungkot at madismaya sa sarili ko. Pakiramdam ko napabayaan ko ang kapatid ko.

Marami ang nagbago kay Rhiatt… At hanggang ngayon, bitbit ko pa rin ang bigat ng nakaraan niya.

“Tangina…” mariing mura ni Evron.

I hardly bit my lower lip and sobbed. Evron hugged me. I could feel his body shaking. I knew it was because of anger.

“H-Hindi ko maintindihan… Bakit ako nasasaktan sa pangyayari na hindi ko naman maalala? Why am I crying over this? W-why am I hurting?” tanong ko. Hindi na ako makapagsalita nang maayos dahil sa pag-iyak.

Naramdaman kong nanginginig ang mga balikat ni Evron habang nakayakap sa akin. Nararamdaman ko ang mga luha niya na pumapatay din sa balikat ko. He was crying too. He was crying for me.

“You’re hurting… because you didn’t deserve that from your own parents. Y-you don’t deserve to experience it from people who should be protecting you and accepting you…” he muttered. Even his voice was shaking.

Yumakap ako nang mahigpit sa kaniya at humagulgol ng iyak. Hindi ko na napigilan pa ang sarili ko… Dapat gumaan na ang loob ko dahil alam ko na ang dahilan kung bakit ako nagkaganito… Pero mas lalong bumigat… dahil masakit. Masakit at mahirap tanggapin na magagawa sa’kin nina Mama at Papa ang ganoong bagay.

Chapter Seventy-Seven

“I don’t think I can forgive your parents for what they did to you, Rhiatt,” mariing sabi ni Evron.

I touched his hand to calm him down. Kanina ay halos sumugod na siya sa bahay ng mga magulang ko dahil sa galit niya.

“Ako na ang kakausap sa kanila…” I said and caressed his hand.

Evron bit his lower lip. “Sasama ako kapag kinausap mo sila.”

Umiling ako. “Let me handle this, Evron… Kaya ko naman.”

He sighed and shook his head. “Hindi ako makikisali… Just let me be there with you. Hindi ko kaya na hindi ka samahan doon.”

Mukhang kahit ano’ng sabihin ko, hindi ko siya makukumbinsi na hayaan akong mag-isa.

I stood up and took the box that Ate Rhianne gave me. Kinuha ko ang mga drawing ko roon para sa kaniya noong bata kami.

Natigilan si Evron at kinuha ang mga iyon. Napalunok siya habang tinitingnan ang mga iyon isa-isa. He even read what was written on the back of each paper.

His eyes glistened. He bit his lower lip and sniffled. “A-akala ko sinadya mo ‘kong kalimutan noon. Y-you were my only friend back then… Kung sana lang nalaman ko ang nangyari sa’yo… Sana noon pa lang magkasama na tayo…”

Humawak ako sa kamay niya. Evron looked at me. He was already crying. Tila hindi niya na napigilan pa ang sarili niya.

“Evron, sorry… Sorry kung hindi ko maalala. I’m trying my best to remember those precious memories that we have… Pero mukhang imposible na…”

Evron cupped my cheeks and kissed my lips. He stared at me lovingly. “Rhiatt, you don’t have to force yourself to remember… Kapag naalala mo pa, baka maalala mo rin ang hindi magandang naranasan mo sa mga magulang mo noon… We can just make new memories. Ang mahalaga magkasama tayo ngayon. Iyon ang mahalaga para sa’kin… Kasama kita ngayon, nandito ka sa tabi ko… nagmamahalan tayo.”

I smiled and nodded… Tama siya. Iyon naman ang mahalaga. Gagawa na lang kami ng mga bagong alaala. I don’t have to be too harsh on myself. Ang mahalaga, magkasama kami ngayon ni Evron.

Evron smiled while looking at my drawings. “This is enough… We have had a connection ever since. We’re really meant to be, Rhiatt… We’re made for each other… Can we keep this?” he asked.

I nodded. “I’m not planning to throw them away…”

Tumayo si Evron at inilagay sa drawer niya ang mga iyon. Napangiti na lang ako dahil pati ang mga laruan, nakatago pa rin doon.

Muling tumabi sa akin si Evron at yumakap. “Salamat, dumating ka sa buhay ko…” bulong niya saka mas hinigpitan ang yakap sa akin.

I raised my eyebrow. “Weh? Kahit mainitin ulo ko?”

He nodded. “Pinapainit mo rin naman ang ulo ko, e…”

Kumalas ako sa pagkakayakap niya. I glared at him. “Gago?”

He grinned and pointed at his crotch. “Pinapainit at pinapatigas—”

I punched him lightly on his chest. He chuckled and caught my fist and kissed it.

Tahimik na napatitig ako sa kaniya. Paano niya nagagawang pagaanin ang loob ko nang gano’n kadali?

“Aren’t you sad that you have no friends?” I randomly asked.

Natigilan siya sa tanong ko. He touched his chin. “Hmm… Hindi naman. I’m an introvert, I think. I enjoy doing things by myself. I can have fun on my own. When I was bullied as a kid, it somehow affected my social skills. Kaya hindi rin ako nagkaroon ng mga kaibigan pagkatapos no’n. I’m always having a hard time interacting with people… When I was offered to be a weightlifter and boxer to represent the country, I declined because I don’t like the spotlight.”

Natigilan ako. “Hala. Paano ‘yan, e, h-in-ard launch kita sa Facebook. Sikat ka na kaya ngayon…”

Napangisi si Evron. “Okay lang. It’s such an honor to be known as Rhiatt De Roxas’ boyfriend.”

I grinned. “Dapat lang. Swerte mo. Daming nagkakagusto sa’kin…”

Nawala ang ngiti niya, napalitan ng simangot. “Damn. I hate them.”

“Tangina, seloso…” bulong ko, as if hindi ako seloso.

Evron grinned and gripped my wrist. “May nakakalimutan ka yata, huh, Rhiatt…”

Nagpatay malisya ako. “Huh?” I asked innocently.

I gasped when he suddenly pulled me and pinned me to the bed. “If you want sex, you can just say it…”

Ah, good luck to my ass.

---

“Porke may boyfriend ka na, lagi ka nang absent sa practice? Angas mo, p’re…” reklamo ni Noah saka pinakyuhan ako.

I also raised my middle finger at him. “Pag inggit, pikit…”

Natigilan ako at napatingin kay Hugo na nakaupo at tahimik. Napabuga ako ng hangin at humawak sa batok ko. Naglakad ako palapit sa kaniya saka umupo sa tabi niya.

Natigilan siya nang umakbay ako sa kaniya. Napapitlag siya at tumingin sa akin.

Napangisi ako. “Sorry, p’re… Nahihirapan ka ba mag-move on sa’kin?”

Siniko niya ang tagiliran ko. “Hindi, gago. May iniisip lang…”

“Ano ‘yang iniisip mo? Baka makatulong ako,” sabi ko na lang dahil medyo pahiya ako.

Tangina, akala ko naman ako ang iniisip niya.

“Well… I told my parents that I’m bisexual. They didn’t like that… and now they want to marry me off to some rich woman… in this fucking era?”

Napakagat ako sa loob ng pisngi ko. Hindi ko alam kung maaawa ba ako sa kaniya o ano. Hugo doesn’t take things like this seriously.

“Nagpunta kami roon sa pamilya nu’ng babae. Wala na lang ako nagawa dahil naiinis si Mama… Sasakyan ko na lang muna. Wala naman akong planong sundin ang gusto nila. We just went there… I met the girl. We’re good. She seems kind. She’s very beautiful too… But I have a problem though.”

Napalunok ako habang hinihintay ang sasabihin niya. Pakiramdam ko nanonood ako ng drama. Invested ako masyado sa kwento niya.

“The woman’s uncle came… and damn. He’s my fucking type,” tila problemadong sabi niya at ginulo pa ang sariling buhok.

My jaw fell. I didn’t expect that plot twist.

“What?” tila hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko.

He looked at me. “Dude… If you’ve seen him, you’ll realize that he’s unreal. How can someone be that hot?” tanong niya.

Napakurap ako. “Ang bilis mo namang naka-move on sa’kin? Pinagti-trip-an mo ba ako, p’re?”

“No, don’t get me wrong. I still like you, dude. Ano ‘yon, magic? Ang ibig ko lang sabihin, na-attract talaga ako sa lalaking ‘yon. Sa totoo lang, muntik na akong pumayag ipakasal do’n sa babae, pero grabe… Ang gwapo ng tito niya… Gano’n ‘yung type ko sa lalaki…” he groaned and gripped his hair.

Na-curious tuloy ako kung sino.

“Sino ‘yon? May picture ka?” tanong ko.

Huhusgahan ko kung gwapo talaga.

He took his phone from his bag and typed something there. Pinakita niya na sa akin pagkatapos.

Napaawang ang mga labi ko. Hugo wasn’t joking. This man was really attractive. He showed me the man’s half-body picture. He has light skin, he is blond, and he has blue eyes. Nakasuot ito ng salamin sa mata. He has this cold expression. He was wearing a gray three-piece suit in the picture. Matipuno ang katawan nito at halatang matangkad.

Napatingin ako sa search bar sa itaas.

Feron Alarik Zakirov.

Napakunot ang noo ko.
Zakirov?
Kaano-ano niya si Diantha Zakirova?

Napangisi ako at tinapik ang balikat niya. “Edi iyan na lang ang pakasalan mo.”

Umiling si Hugo. “He’s straight.”

Aw, kawawa naman.

“Kayang kaya mo ‘yan, p’re. Wala ka bang tiwala sa sarili mo?” natatawang tanong ko.

“Type ko lang naman, hindi ko naman sinabing gusto ko siya maging boyfriend…” pagde-deny niya.

“Weh?” bulong ko.

He looked at me. “Saka hindi pa nga ako nakakamove on sa’yo, ‘di ba? Kung ako sana ang pinili mo, ‘di ba?”

I grinned. “Wala, naunahan ka ni Evron, e.”

Natawa si Hugo at napailing. Thankful ako na hindi naging awkward ang lahat para sa’ming dalawa. Kaibigan ko si Hugo. Ayokong mawala ang pagkakaibigan namin.

Tinawag na kami ni coach. Itatago ko na sana ang phone ko pero natigilan ako nang makitang nag-text si Papa.

Papa:

Pumunta ka rito ngayon na.

Chapter Seventy-Eight

I don’t know if it’s a good thing that I can face them without Evron… I don’t want him to get worried. Ako na lang dapat ang humarap sa mga magulang ko.

Natigilan ako nang mapansin na may naka-park na pamilyar na pink na kotse sa tapat ng bahay. Napabuntonghininga ako.

I hope I’m wrong.

Natigilan ako dahil pagpasok ko, bumungad sa akin sina Mama at Papa sa sala… at kasama nila si Diantha.

Fuck. I knew it.

Napatingin sila sa akin nang dumating ako. Ngumiti si Mama at sinenyasan ako na lumapit.

I sighed. Naglakad ako palapit sa kanila. I looked at Diantha. She seemed confused too.

What’s happening here?

“Now that Rhiatt’s here… Let’s talk about your marriage.” Mama smiled at Diantha.

Natigilan ako. Maski si Diantha ay natigilan din.

“Tita… As far as I know Rhiatt has a boyfriend now. I saw it on social media,” agad na sabi ni Diantha.

Umiling si Mama. “He’s just being rebellious, hija. He’s not serious about it… You told me before that you wanted to marry Rhiatt… You have my blessings now, hija… I’m sure Rhiatt would be happy to marry you.”

I bit my lower lip as hard as I could. I clenched my fists… I tried my best to control myself.

“I have a boyfriend,” mariing sabi ko.

Papa glared at me. “Stop this, Rhiatt… Hindi na ako natutuwa sa ganiyang biro mo,” sabi ni Papa. Tila pinipigilan niyang magtaas ng boses dahil nandito si Diantha.

Lumapit ako kay Diantha. I held her wrist and pulled her up. Nagtatakang tumingin siya sa akin.

“Let’s go…” sabi ko na lang saka hinila na siya paalis doon.

Tinawag kami nina Mama, pero hindi ako lumingon. Hindi naman kumontra si Diantha at nagpatianod sa akin.

Nang makalabas kami, agad ko siyang binitiwan.

I sighed and looked at her. “Sorry sa abala, Diantha… Hindi ko alam ang pumasok sa utak ng mga magulang ko at pinapunta ka rito.”

Diantha smirked. “I don’t mind. Wala naman akong magawa, e… By the way, serious na? Kayo na nu’ng hot guy last time?” nakangising tanong niya.

I nodded. “Yeah… I’m sorry, hindi kita na-inform. Ang dami lang nangyayari sa buhay ko,” napapailing na sabi ko.

Diantha grinned and tapped my shoulder. “No problem. Congrats! Invite me to your future wedding with him. I will fund your wedding. Malakas ka sa’kin, because you’re the best kisser among my exes and—”

“Stop,” agad kong sinabi.

That’s it. I won’t invite her to my future wedding with Evron. Baka kung ano pa ang masabi niya kay Evron at masiraan lang ng ulo ‘yon.

Diantha laughed. “Bye bye, Rhiatt… I have to go now.”

Tumango na lang ako nang kumaway siya sa akin saka pumasok sa kotse niya. Napabuga ako ng hangin habang hinahabol ng tingin ang kotse niyang papalayo.

Bumalik ako sa bahay. Pero agad akong sinugod ni Papa. Malakas na sampal ang sinalubong niya sa akin.

I poked the inside of my cheek and looked coldly at them. I was expecting to receive this from them.

“What the hell are you thinking, Rhiatt?! Why are you rejecting a woman like her?! She’s a Zakirova!” asik ni Papa. “You better go to her again and propose to her! Itigil mo ang kalokohan mo sa kung sinong lalaki!”

“Rhiatt naman! Ikaw ang nag-iisa naming anak na lalaki! Why are you suddenly rebelling against us?!” tanong ni Mama. Namumula na ang mukha niya sa galit.

I wiped the blood on the side of my lips. “I’m not rebelling… Seryoso ako sa boyfriend ko, Mama! Seryoso ako kay Evron! Kung hindi niyo kami matanggap, sige… Pero bakit niyo kailangan ipagpilitang ipakasal ako sa iba?! You’re disrespecting my partner!”

I don’t usually raise my voice at them… pero hindi ko na mapigilan ang sarili ko ngayon. Halo halo na ang nararamdaman ko. I was angry, sad, disappointed… and hurt.

“Rhiatt naman! Hindi ko alam ang pumasok diyan sa kukote mo! Bakit mo kami ginaganito?! Ano ba ang naging pagkukulang namin bilang magulang sa’yo?!” tanong ni Mama at humawak sa dibdib niya.

“Just fucking respect me for who I am! Respect the person I love! Mahirap ba ‘yon?!”

“Paano ka namin rerespetuhin kung ganyan ang desisyon mo?! Ano ba’ng demonyo ang sumapi sa’yo?!” singhal ni Papa.

“Hindi, Rhiatt! Hindi namin matatanggap ang gusto mong mangyari! Hiwalayan mo ang lalaking ‘yon at bumalik ka rito sa bahay! Si Diantha ang pakasalan mo!” asik ni Mama.

Ikinuyom ko ang kamao ko saka napabuga ng hangin.

What am I even thinking? Bakit ako kumakapit sa kaunting pag-asa na baka tanggapin nila ako.

They’re hopeless.

“A-ano? Kapag hindi ko ginawa ang gusto niyo… a-anong gagawin niyo? Ikukulong ulit ako?” tanong ko. Tuluyang nabasag ang boses ko.

Natigilan silang pareho. I saw how color escaped from their faces. Ang kaninang galit na ekspresyon nila ay napalitan ng takot.

“H-how did you…” nauutal na tanong ni Papa.

“Tangina… A-akala ko mabuti kayo sa’kin. Sa isip ko… ang swerte ko dahil hindi ako pinagbuhatan ng kamay ng mga magulang ko… But all this time, you were just guilty for what you did. That’s why you never laid your hands on me again after what happened.” Mapakla akong natawa. “No, you’re not guilty… You’re just afraid that I’ll remember it again… Ayaw niyo ng baklang anak. Iyon lang ang nasa isip niyo. You never really care about us… B-because… because how could you do such a thing to your own child?” I asked… My voice was shaking.

Umiling si Mama at lumapit sa akin. “N-no, anak… N-natatakot lang kami sa daan na tatahakin niyo. G-gusto lang namin na mapabuti kay—”

“No, Ma! Mapabuti ako?! By what, Ma? By causing trauma to my young mind? To my young heart? I was so traumatized that it led me to forget what happened! Iyon ba ang nakabuti sa akin?! And look at Ate Rhianne… She didn’t even visit you after revealing her true self to you! Bakit?! Sa tingin niyo, bakit?!” My whole body was shaking. “You told my younger self to reflect… but why didn’t you?!”

Papa sighed. “Rhiatt… Magulang mo kami, mahal namin kayo ni Rhianne… We regretted what we did to you in the past…” His jaw clenched. “But I will go back in time, I will do it again… Gagawin ko ulit iyon para lang maitama ka!”

Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko. I was suddenly having a hard time breathing. Nag-aalpasan ang mga luha sa mga mata ko habang nakatingin sa kanila.

Nanghihinang umatras ako. I couldn’t believe them… I couldn’t accept that these people are my parents. Ganitong klaseng tao sila.

I tried to walk away, but my steps became heavy… Mas lalong sumisikip ang dibdib ko… Hanggang sa tuluyan akong nawalan ng malay.

I didn’t know what happened after that… but when I woke up, I was already in a small and dark room.

They did it again.

Agad na nanginig ang buong katawan ko. Naramdaman ko ang pamumuo ng pawis ko. Kahit nahihirapan akong huminga, lumapit ako sa pinto at pilit na binuksan iyon.

“M-Mama! Pa!” Nakahawak ako sa dibdib ko habang pilit na hinahabol ang paghinga ko.

I punched my chest, trying to breathe properly. My tears were continuously flowing… Pilit kong binubuksan ang pinto pero naka-lock iyon.

“Ma! Please! N-nahihirapan ako!”

I tried to look for my phone with my shaking hands, but it seemed like they took it. I panicked even more. I cried hard. I tried my best to open the door. I banged the door… but my hands were too weak.

“Evron! F-fuck…” I touched my chest. “P-please, help me.”

I wiped my tears with my shaking hands. I clasped my chest. I felt like I would pass out any moment. It was so hard to breathe… I feel like I’m dying.

I looked around. I cried harder. It was so dark… I couldn’t even see a thing.

Evron, please. Please help me.

“Rhiatt!”

I froze. I don’t know if my ears were fooling me. I heard Evron’s voice.

I banged the door, telling him that I was here.

“E-Evron!” I cried harder.

Natigilan ako nang kumalabog ang pinto. I don’t know what he was doing. It felt like he was trying to open the door.

“Stay back, Rhiatt!”
he shouted.

I stayed back from the door. Ilang beses kumalabog ang pinto… hanggang sa matanggal iyon mula sa pintuan.

Evron kicked the door. He kicked it as many times as he could.

Evron was panting hard. I saw the fear in his eyes when he saw me.

Agad siyang tumakbo palapit sa akin at yumakap. Nanginginig ang katawan niya. Yumakap siya nang mahigpit sa akin.

“Fuck…” he muttered.

I cried and hugged him back. He caressed my hair and kissed my forehead.

“What’s happening here?!”

Natigilan kami nang marinig ang boses ni Papa.

Papa glared at Evron. “What are you doing here?! You’re trespassing! Umalis ka ng pamamahay ko!”

I looked at Evron. He was glaring at my father too… He clenched his jaw.

Kumalas siya sa pagkakayakap sa akin at naglakad palapit kay Papa… Nakakuyom ang mga kamao niya.

Evron grabbed my father’s collar and punched him so hard… My father collapsed on the ground, and my mother screamed.

Evron looked at me. He was breathing hard… “I’m sorry, Rhiatt… I just can’t take it anymore.”

Chapter Seventy-Nine

Trigger warning:

Self-harm, blood. Please skip second half of the chapter if you’re not comfortable with it.

---

Puting kisame ang bumungad sa akin pagdilat ng mga mata ko. My whole body felt weak. Pakiramdam ko may mabigat na nakadagan sa katawan ko.

“Rhiatt…”

Natigilan ako nang marinig ang boses ni Ate Rhianne. I looked at her. She was holding my hand. Bumigat ang dibdib ko nang makitang umiiyak siya.

I really hate it when she’s crying… She’s my only sibling. I don’t like seeing her scared, worried… or hurt.

“Rhai… A-are you alright?” she asked in a worried tone and caressed my hand.

“I-I’m okay… Please don’t worry,” I said in a reassuring tone.

Hira smiled and caressed Ate Rhianne’s shoulder. I’m thankful that she’s here. Sigurado ako na takot na takot si Ate Rhianne habang wala akong malay.

Natigilan ako nang pumasok si Hugo, kasama niya si Russ at Leander.

“Gago, p’re. Kinabahan ako, bigla kang umalis sa practice. Tapos nabalitaan ko na lang nasa ospital ka. Okay ka lang?” tanong ni Hugo saka inilagay sa bedside table ang mga prutas na dala niya.

Russ sat beside me and held my hand. “Okay ka lang, Rhiatt?” he asked in a worried tone.

I smiled and nodded. “I’m okay. Don’t worry…”

Hindi ko alam kung alam nila ang nangyari. Pero sigurado akong hindi ikukwento ni Ate Rhianne sa kanila iyon. I appreciate them for not asking… Hindi ko alam kung kaya ko bang sabihin sa kanila ang nangyari sa akin.

Kahit ako hindi rin ako makapaniwala… Hindi ko matanggap.

They’re not just someone to me. They are the ones who gave life to me… They should be the first one to protect and accept me.

I bit my lower lip and shook my head. I don’t want to cry in front of them. I don’t want to make them worry.

I sighed. I looked around. My forehead creased when I noticed that Evron wasn’t here.

“Where’s Evron?” I asked.

Natigilan sila sa tanong ko. Napaiwas sila ng tingin sa akin, tila hindi nila alam kung paano sasabihin sa akin.

“What? Where’s Evron?” tanong ko ulit.

“He’s in prison…” si Leander ang sumagot. “Kalat siya online. They say that Evron trespassed and punched your father.”

Natigilan ako. Agad na nanginig ang mga kamay ko. Tila hindi agad nagproseso sa akin ang sinabi niya.

“K-kinasuhan siya nina Mama?” tanong ko. “S-sina Mama ba ang nagpakalat niyan?”

Russ nodded. “Nabalitaan ko mula sa mga kamag-anak natin… They said that Evron was forcing himself to you. They said you were being blackmailed and—”

“Fuck!” mariing mura ko.

Marahas kong inalis ang mga kung anong nakakabit sa kamay ko. Dumugo pa iyon. Agad akong umalis ng kama ko at inalis ang kumot.

Wala akong panahon para humiga rito habang nasa kulungan si Evron! I can’t believe them… Paano nila nagawa sa akin ito?

“Rhiatt! Please, calm down first…” sabi ni Ate Rhianne saka humawak sa braso ko dahil nawalan ako ng balanse.

Umiling ako. “How can I calm down when Evron is suffering in prison?! What did he even do?! He was just protecting me!”

I don’t want to shout at her… pero hindi ko na makontrol pa ang emosyon ko. I can’t relax knowing that my boyfriend is in prison for protecting me from my own parents!

“N-nasaan si Evron? Please… Please take me to him…”

Nagkatinginan sina Russ at Leander. Tila may hindi pa sila sinasabi sa akin.

“Just fucking take me where he is!” asik ko.

Hugo sighed and nodded. “Okay… I’ll take you there… But that would be pretty hard, Rhiatt.”

Naglakad si Hugo papuntang pinto. Kahit nanghihina pa ako, agad akong sumunod sa kaniya. Natigilan ako pagsilip ko sa labas ng silid.

There are people waiting there. They are reporters… I bit my lower lip and clenched my fists.

What the fuck are they doing here?! Anong kagaguhan ang ginawa nina Mama?!

Marahas kong binuksan ang pinto. Napatingin sila sa akin at agad akong nilapitan.

“Rhiatt! Did your boyfriend really trespass and attack your father?”

“Is he really blackmailing you?”

“Your parents said you were not in a relationship with him and was just forced to—”

“Fucking leave me alone!” singhal ko.

Natahimik at nabigla sila. Pero wala na akong pakialam pa sa kanila. Ang mahalaga lang sa akin ngayon ay makita si Evron.

Mabigat ang paghinga ko. I clasped my chest as I tried to catch my breath.

Hugo held my arm. “Rhiatt… Are you really okay?”

I nodded. “Just please… let me see Evron.”

I glared at the reporters. “My boyfriend is not like that… My boyfriend never forced me. My boyfriend was just protecting me!”

Pagkasabi ko no’n ay agad ko na rin silang nilagpasan. Sumunod sa akin si Hugo.

Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko. Para akong masisisraan ng bait… I never thought my parents will go this far. For how long are they going to keep disappointing me? For how long are they going to keep hurting me?

“Sa bahay…”

Natigilan si Hugo at napasulyap sa akin habang nagmamaneho. “Hmm?” he asked.

“S-sa bahay mo ako dalhin… I will talk to my parents first,” I muttered. I clenched my fists as hard as I could.

Sila ang una kong kakausapin. Sila ang una kong dapat makaharap.

Agad akong bumaba ng kotse ni Hugo pagkarating namin sa bahay. I didn’t even get to thank him… I was too preoccupied with my thoughts.

Nang makapasok ako sa loob, naabutan ko sina Mama at Papa sa sala. Napatayo sila nang makita ako. Namamaga ang pisngi ni Papa at may black eye pa… pero wala akong maramdaman na ni katiting na awa sa kaniya.

“What the fuck are you doing?! Why are you doing this to me?!” I shouted. I couldn’t contain my emotions anymore.

“Bakit? Hindi ba totoo ang mga sinabi namin?! He really trespassed and even punched your father—” si Mama.

“He did that to protect me from you! Tangina! Kayo ang dapat na nasa kulungan!”

Namula ang mukha ni Papa sa galit. “Ano?! Kami ang kakasuhan mo?! Gagawin mo sa’min ‘yon, ha, Rhiatt?! Mas pinipili mo ang lalaking ‘yon kaysa sa amin!” asik ni Papa.

“How dare you do that to him?! Hindi niya gagawin ‘yon kung hindi niya nakita ang katarantaduhan niyo sa akin!” sigaw ko.

“Ano ba’ng mali sa ginawa namin, Rhiatt?! Hanggang kailan ba namin ipapaintindi sa’yo na mali ang ginagawa mo!” si Mama. “We’re trying to correct your mistakes! We’re trying to discipline—”

“Just fucking stop meddling with my life if you can’t accept me! J-just fucking stop!” Tuluyang sumabog ang mga luha ko. I harshly wiped my tears while glaring at them. “Kung gusto niyong sirain ang buhay ko, sa’kin na lang! ‘Wag niyong idamay si Evron!”

“Siya ang puno’t dulo nito, Rhiatt! Normal na normal ka bago siya dumating sa buhay mo! I can’t believe you, Rhiatt… Talagang mas pipiliin mo pa ang lalaking ‘yon kaysa sa amin!” sigaw ni Mama.

“You’re not choosing me too! Hindi niyo rin naman ako pinipili! Mas mahalaga sa inyo ang reputasyon niyo… ang pride niyo! Mas pipiliin niyong saktan ako kaysa tanggapin ako! How can you call yourselves my parents?! Paano niyo nasikmurang gawin sa akin ‘to?! Hindi ba kayo binabagabag ng konsensya niyo?! Just because I love a man… J-just because of that? You’re willing to hurt me… you’re willing to ruin my life just because I love a man?” My voice was shaking.

I was crying hard. I can’t stop myself from crying. My chest hurts so much… They’re hurting me so much.

“I just want you to accept me… I-is it that hard? Why can’t you just love me for what I am? Gusto ko lang naman maramdaman ang pagtanggap mula sa mga magulang ko… A-am I asking for too much?”

They went silent. Hindi ko alam ang tumatakbo sa isip nila.

“When I discovered what you did to me… the trauma you inflicted on my young mind… I was hurt… I was so hurt. How can you do such a thing to me? G-gusto kong malaman kung ano ang nasa isip niyo habang ginagawa niyo iyon… habang sinasaktan niyo ako at ikinukulong… k-kung nakonsensya man lang ba kayo… kahit kaunti…”

“W-we were guilty too, Rhiatt. We’re not monsters… But that’s how our family discipline… Ganito kami dumisiplina ng anak na naliligaw ng landas… Why can’t you understand that, Rhiatt?” my father asked, he was almost pleading.

“I have my own path to take… Why can’t you just walk me to that path? D-did I kill someone? Did I steal something?” I cried harder. “I just want to be me…”

I took the vase beside me and threw it. Natigilan sila sa ginawa ko. Naramdaman kong tumalsik ang isang bubog sa binti ko at nagdugo iyon, pero hindi ko ininda.

I took a broken piece of the vase, the sharp one. Itinapat ko ang talim no’n sa leeg ko.

“Fuck… If you won’t leave Evron alone… I’ll just fucking kill myself,” I said in a weak tone.

“Rhiatt!” asik ni Mama at napaluha. “W-what are you doing?!”

“You made me do this! You’re making me do this!” Idiniin ko ang matulis na parte sa leeg ko. Naramdaman kong dumugo na iyon, pero wala na akong pakialam pa.

“Rhiatt! Put it down!” sabi ni Papa saka unti-unting lumalapit sa akin.

Umatras ako at mas idiniin iyon sa leeg ko. “Fucking release Evron from the prison! Bawiin niyo ang mga sinabi niyo tungkol sa kaniya… or I will fucking kill myself!” Tuloy tuloy ang pagdaloy ng dugo sa leeg ko, pababa sa hospital gown na suot ko.

I know I shouldn’t be doing this. Sila ang mga magulang ko na nagbigay-buhay sa akin… But I just couldn’t take it anymore.

Kilala ko sila. Ma-pride sila. Hinding hindi nila babawiin ang ikinaso nila kay Evron. Hindi nila aamining sila ang may kasalanan.

I know I could just tell everyone that my own parents kidnapped me, that my own parents abused me… But it was not easy for me. I couldn’t bring myself to do that. I want them to realize their mistakes. I want them to realize how much they have ruined their own child.

My emotions are clouding my judgment. Tila hindi na rin ako nakakapag-isip nang maayos. Halo halo na lahat sa isip ko… I’m too emotional. I’m too drained.

I just want to go back to Evron. Gusto kong makapagpahinga na sa kaniya… All of this is draining me so much. Pagod na pagod na ang isip at puso ko.

Pati ang kamay ko ay nagdurugo na, pero hindi ko iyon ininda. “I-I can’t live without him, Ma… H-hindi ko kaya nang wala si Evron sa buhay ko… K-kahit anong pilit niyong paghiwalayin kami… babalik at babalik ako sa kaniya.”

Binitiwan ko ang hawak kong bubog. Napahagulgol ako ng iyak. I slowly kneeled in front of them.

Seeing them scared made me weak too… Even my father was tearing up as if he couldn’t bear to see me like this.

“P-please… Let me be with him… P-please. I love him so much. I-I can’t live without him.” I cried harder. “Let me be happy, p-please… Please… I-I just want to go back home with him. I’m so damn tired… I’m so drained…”

“R-Rhiatt naman…” Mama cried harder. “P-please don’t make things harder for us…”

I stared at the broken piece in front of me.

“P-please… Please look at what you two did to me.” I took the broken piece and slit my wrist.

I know Evron would be disappointed if he knew this… I just couldn’t take this anymore. They have gone too far… I was only asking for acceptance and respect from them… Pero tila ba sobrang hirap no’n para sa kanila na ibigay sa akin.

It breaks my heart knowing that I had to do this just to make them realize their mistakes. No one deserves this… It hurts me so much.

“Rhiatt!”

That was the last thing I heard before I lost consciousness.

Chapter Eighty

I woke up when I heard someone crying. I slowly opened my eyes. My whole body ached. Masakit din ang kamay ko.

Walang ibang tao sa silid, maliban sa
kaniya…
Nakatakip sa mukha niya ang isang kamay niya at ang isang kamay ay nakahawak sa kamay ko. He was crying… Hearing his sobs hurt me.

“E-Evron?” I asked.

He looked at me. His eyes were swollen. Kahit nanghihina ako, bumangon ako at humawak sa kamay niya.

He held my shoulders. He was glaring at me… but his tears were continuously flowing.

“H-how can you do this, huh, Rhiatt?! H-halos mamatay ako sa takot nang nalaman ko kung anong ginawa mo!” Nanginginig na humawak siya sa leeg ko, pati sa palapulsuhan ko. “Fuck… Y-you don’t know how scared I was! If you kill yourself, I will fucking die too!” he said as he cried.

“S-sorry…” I murmured. “I-I wasn’t planning to end my life. I-I just felt so hopeless…”

“I’m here… K-kahit ano’ng gawin nila, kahit ipakulong nila ako o ano, wala akong pakialam!” he cried. “Y-you scared me… D-do you really think I can live without you, Rhiatt?” Humagulgol siya. Tila patalim na sumasaksak sa puso ko ang bawat pag-iyak niya.

Tears escaped from my eyes. “I-I’m sorry, Evron.”

“I-I was so scared… A-akala ko mawawala ka sa akin.” He touched my hand with both hands and cried harder. “S-sobrang natakot ako… W-why do you have to do that? W-why do you have to scare me like that?” His hands were shaking so hard. Sobrang lamig din ng mga kamay niya. Ngayon ko lang siya nakita na ganito katakot.

I sobbed and wiped my tears. He was really scared. I felt guilty… Kung ako ang nasa posisyon niya, malamang takot na takot din ako.

“Don’t do that again… P-please, Rhiatt. Please don’t do it again. I’m always here with you… I’m just here. Please… Don’t harm yourself again. H-hindi ko kakayanin kapag naulit pa ‘to… P-please…” he said, almost begging.

He hugged me. His body was shaking. I felt guilty for scaring him like this. I hugged him back and closed my eyes.

Komportable na ako… ngayong kayakap ko na siya, pakiramdam ko okay na ako.

“I’m sorry, love… I won’t do it again,” I whispered.

“T-thank you… Thank you, my love… Please. P-please don’t ever do that again,” he cried.

Natigilan ako nang bumukas ang pinto sa silid. Kahit na naramdaman ni Evron na may pumasok, hindi siya kumalas sa pagkakayakap sa akin na para bang wala na siyang pakialam pa sa ibang bagay.

Pumasok sina Ate Rhianne at Hira. Ate Rhianne’s eyes were swollen too.

Agad siyang lumapit sa akin. Doon na dumistansya si Evron. He wiped his tears and sniffled.

Ate Rhianne glared at me… but I could also see the fear and worry in her eyes. “I wanted to slap you for doing such a thing, Rhiatt… I wanted to be mad at you for scaring me like that…” she sobbed. Instead of doing what she just said, she sat beside me and hugged me. “Don’t you dare do that again, Rhai…”

I hugged her back… “I’m sorry, ate…” I muttered.

Natigilan kami nang muling bumukas ang pinto… Pumasok sina Mama at Papa. Mukhang kagagaling lang din nila sa pag-iyak. Their clothes have blood… Mukhang sa akin iyon.

Napaiwas ako ng tingin at napalunok… Hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman ko sa kanila.

“I-inatras na namin ang kaso kay Evron,” sabi ni Mama sa mahinang boses… Tila naging mahirap pa iyon para sa kaniya na sabihin.

“We cleared his name too,” si Papa. “I-I’m sorry, anak… Please don’t try to end your life again…”

Napalunok ako at nanatiling nakatitig sa mga kamay ko. I can’t bring myself to look at them. Hindi ko pa rin alam ang dapat kong maramdaman sa kanila.

“I hate you…” si Ate Rhianne ang nagsalita. “I hate you so much! H-hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin kayo napapatawad sa ginawa niyo kay Rhiatt noon, and n-now… you did something unforgivable again!” she cried. “I hate you so much!”

Ate Rhianne walked out crying. Agad siyang sinundan ni Hira.

I looked at them. Mas lalong lumuha si Mama. Papa was tearing up as well. I clenched my fists and bit my lower lip… I still don’t like seeing them cry.

“S-sorry, anak… Akala namin iyon lang ang paraan para itama ka,” lumuluhang sabi ni Mama.

“I love you, Ma, Pa… But I’m really sorry… I couldn’t bring myself to forgive you yet. I can’t forgive you yet,” I murmured. “I still couldn’t fathom how you did something like that to me… I still couldn’t accept that my parents that I love so much… did something unforgivable to me. I-I’m sorry. I still don’t know how I’ll manage these emotions that I have in my heart. It was too much for me… Just seeing you two right now hurts me…”

Lumapit sila sa akin. Napaiwas ako ng tingin at napahawak sa kamay ni Evron… It felt like an involuntary response… Pakiramdam ko kusang gumalaw ang kamay ko para kumapit kay Evron.

I felt unsafe with my own parents… After knowing everything, I felt unsafe around them… which saddened me, because I didn’t want to feel something like this to them.

“S-sorry, Rhiatt… Sorry, anak… S-sana hayaan mo kaming makabawi ng Mama mo. P-pipilitin naming tanggapin ang relasyon niyo ni Evron,” tila mabigat sa loob na sabi ni Papa.

Pipilitin.

Napailing na lang ako at nanatiling nakatingin sa kamay namin ni Evron.

Sa kabila ng nangyari, parang mahirap pa rin sa kanila ang tanggapin ako at ang relasyon namin ni Evron.

“I’m not sorry that I punched you,” si Evron, habang nakatingin kay Papa. “I don’t feel bad for punching a horrible parent like you. Nothing can justify what you did to Rhiatt… Nothing can justify the trauma that you inflicted to your own child. I don’t care if you can’t accept me for Rhiatt… Sa ayaw at sa gusto niyo, mananatili ako sa buhay niya.” Evron stood up and stared at them. “Isaksak niyo ho sa mga kukote niyo na walang nakakahiya kay Rhiatt. There’s nothing shameful about him… Kayo ang dapat mahiya sa sarili niyo. Walang magulang ang may karapatan abusuhin ang anak nila.

His sexual orientation is not an invitation for you to abuse him and traumatize him. Mahiya ho kayo na tinatawag ang mga sarili niyong magulang ni Rhiatt.”

Hindi nakakibo sina Mama at Papa sa sinabi ni Evron. Hindi ko alam kung pumapasok ba sa mga isip nila ang sinasabi ni Evron.

Hindi na rin ako umaasa pa.

Hindi na ako nagsalita. Wala na akong sasabihin. Nasabi ko na ang lahat… Ayoko na ng paulit-ulit pa. Sinabi at pinaramdam ko na ang totoong gusto ko mula sa kanila… at mukhang hindi pa rin sila natuto roon.

Umalis na rin sila dahil hindi na ako kumibo. They said sorry for the last time before they left.

Evron hugged me the moment they left. He caressed my back and kissed my temple. I burst into tears. I hugged him back and closed my eyes… I let all of my emotions out. He didn’t say anything… but he was also crying with me. Evron was crying as if he was trying to carry the burden in my heart to make things lighter for me.

With him, I can be vulnerable. With him, I can be at my weakest… He was willing to cry with me, to share the same pain…

“Rhiatt… I-I’m here. I’m always here for you. You are loved and accepted. You have a family in me… You have Nana and Tata too. They love and accept you for who you are. You can always be in your most authentic self… No one should stop you for being who you are, for loving the person you want… You are so loved and accepted by me… by your sister and friends, by my family. D-don’t you ever forget that, Rhiatt…” he whispered. Patuloy siyang umiiyak sa balikat ko.

Tila hindi niya na rin makontrol pa ang emosyon niya.

“I-I can’t live without you… Y-you’re my life, Rhiatt.” Kumalas siya sa pagkakayakap sa akin. He cupped my cheeks and kissed my lips gently. Then he stared at me, full of love and emotions… He was staring at me as if I was his everything. “M-mahal na mahal kita, Rhiatt.”

I burst into tears while staring at him. I touched his cheek and gently caressed it with my thumb. “I love you too, Evron… I-I can’t live without you too. I love you so much.”

Chapter Eighty-One

“W-what did you just say?” Evron asked. His eyes were wide. His lips were parted. Para siyang nakakita ng multo.

I was about to repeat what I said… but he suddenly collapsed on my bed.

I blinked and stared at him.
What?

He collapsed. He literally passed out.

I gulped while staring at him. Bumagsak siya sa kama ko. Marahan ko siyang tinapik… baka niloloko niya lang ako, pero wala siyang kagalaw galaw.

Fuck.
Did he really pass out?!

Just because I said
I love you?!

I shook my head.
No! He’s obviously playing with me or something.

“Evron, bumangon ka. Lalayasan kita,” pananakot ko.

Doon pa lang dapat bumangon na siya, pero hindi.

Tangina. Hinimatay nga siya?!

“Evron! Hoy!” Niyugyog ko siya.

Hindi ko alam kung matatakot ba ako o matatawa sa sitwasyong ‘to. Parang kanina lang umiiyak pa ako, pero ito na ako ngayon at nagpipigil ng tawa.

“Fuck, you’re so stupid!” I said. I couldn’t contain my laugh anymore.

Kung hindi lang ako nanghihina ngayon, bubuhatin ko sana.

Maya maya ay pumasok sina Hugo kasama ang ibang teammates namin, pati si coach. Agad na napadako ang tingin nila kay Evron.

“Ano nangyari diyan kay tanga?” Hugo asked.

I shrugged. “I think he passed out.”

“Bakit? Akala ko ikaw lang ang na-ospital?” tanong ni Oliver.

“Ah, don’t mind him. He just passed out because I said I love him for the first time. Can you please carry him to the couch over there?” I asked.

Humagalpak sila ng tawa. I just bit the insides of my cheeks to stop myself from laughing… Damn. I couldn’t believe it either.

“This man is such a loser…” natatawang sabi ni Ciro.

Binuhat nina Hugo at Aldrin si Evron. Nahuli ko pang binatukan ni Hugo si Evron.

Pinahiga nila sa couch si Evron saka nilagyan ng unan ni coach. Natatawang napailing na lang ako.

Evron is really amazing. He can make me feel better in his own cute ways.

“How are you, p’re?” tanong ni Axel saka tinapik ang balikat ko.

“Okay naman,” sabi ko na lang saka tipid na ngumiti.

“Stop ka muna sa practice, Rhiatt. Magfocus ka sa pagpapahinga,” sabi ni coach.

“Daya, may favoritism ka, coach! Pag ako bawal um-absent sa practice?!” reklamo ni Oliver.

“Tigilan mo ‘ko, mambababae ka lang,” sabi ni coach saka binatukan siya.

“Pagaling ka, Rhiatt. Kiss kita pag magaling ka na,” sabi ni Kinu saka nag-flying kiss pa.

“Hoy, gago. Baka mamaya biglang magising ang jealous radar ni Evron tapos sapakin ka,” pananakot ni Ian.

Napangiti na lang ako habang nakatingin sa kanila. Kahit papa’no, gumaan ang loob ko sa pagbisita nila. Tama nga si Evron. I am loved and accepted by my friends.

Sumaglit lang sila dahil kailangan na rin nilang magpractice. Naiwan kami ni Evron na hanggang ngayon ay tulog pa.

Natigilan ako nang magvibrate ang cellphone ko. Kinuha ko iyon at binasa ang message mula kay Hira.

Hira: Hi, Rhiatt. Sorry, hindi na kami nakabalik. Masama ang pakiramdam ng ate mo. If you need us with something, just call us, okay? Pahinga ka lang.

I smiled and typed a reply.

Me: Thanks, Hira. Don’t worry, Evron is with me. Hayaan nating makapagpahinga si ate. Thank you!

Napabuntonghininga ako at isinandal ang likod ko sa headboard. I stared at Evron. He’s still sleeping like a baby. Nabanggit sa akin ni Ate Rhianne na walang tulog si Evron.

Ate Rhianne said that Evron wasn’t worried or scared about the fact that he was in prison… He was only worried about me. Hindi raw ito mapakali sabi ng mga pulis at panay ang tanong kung kumusta na ako.

I closed my eyes. I hate this smell. Ayoko talaga sa amoy ng ospital.

Gusto ko nang umuwi sa bahay namin ni Evron. Doon lang yata ako makakapagpahinga nang ayos.

I want to go home with him.

---

“Are you sure you’re okay? Dapat nagpapahinga ka pa sa ospital,” nag-aalalang sabi ni Evron habang nagmamaneho.

“Sabi ng doktor hindi naman ganoon kalala ang mga sugat ko. Pwede na akong magpahinga sa bahay… I can’t take the smell of hospital… Mas gusto kong magpahinga sa bahay natin.”

Natahimik si Evron. Nagtatakang tumingin ako sa kaniya. His face was red. I grinned and shook my head.

Ang bilis pakiligin ni ungas.

“I love you,” I said while staring at him.

Napansin kong napalunok siya at napaupo nang tuwid.

Damn. His reaction was so damn cute.

“Baka himatayin ka na naman diyan,” nakangising sabi ko na lang saka tumingin sa bintana.

“H-hindi… I-I collapsed due to fatigue and lack of sleep… Okay?” pagpupumilit niya.

Tumango ako. “Okay, sabi mo, e.”

“T-totoo…” pagpupumilit niya pa.

“Okay po,” sabi ko na lang.

“Damn. You’re not believing me,” tila down na down na sabi niya.

I like to tease him more in the future. My boyfriend is the cutest to ever exist.

Nang makauwi na kami, kulang na lang buhatin niya ako. Kung hindi ko pa siya binatukan baka binuhat niya na talaga ako.

“Ahh… This is heaven,” sabi ko nang tuluyan na akong makahiga sa kama namin.

Evron laid beside me and hugged me. “Rhiatt…”

Hinila niya ako at ipinaunan sa braso niya. Yumakap ako sa baywang niya at tumitig sa kaniya.

“Hmm?” I asked.

“We’re really meant for each other… Tayo lang ang para sa isa’t isa. I love you so much…” he whispered and caressed my cheek.

“I love you too…” I muttered. This time, it came out naturally… as if I was meant to say those words to him.

He stared at me lovingly. Pakiramdam ko malulunod ako sa tingin niya… Tingin pa lang, ramdam na ramdam ko na kung gaano niya ako kamahal.

“I appreciate that you love me too… that you love me so much… but please, Rhiatt… Don’t ever harm yourself again just for my sake. If something happened to you, I would lose my mind, Rhiatt…” he whispered, as if he meant every word. “You’re the most precious to me…” He kissed my lips.

I snuggled on his neck and closed my eyes. “I’m sorry, love… I won’t do it again…” I muttered.

Nakaramdam kaagad ako ng antok. This is what home feels like… Evron is my home… He gives me the most comfortable and the most homely feeling that a person can feel.

I’m so lucky to have him in my life.

Chapter Eighty-Two

“Sorry po…”

Nagkatinginan sina Nana at Tata. Tila hindi nila alam kung bakit ako humihingi ng tawad.

Wala si Evron dito. Kinailangan niyang asikasuhin ang panibagong branch ng gym niya, kaya sinamantala ko at nagpunta ako rito kina Nana.

Isang linggo na rin ang nakalipas matapos ang lahat ng nangyari… Alam kong nalaman nina Nana ang nangyari kay Evron, pero kinukumusta pa rin nila ang kalagayan ko sa mga message. Ngayon lang ako nagkaroon ng pagkakataon na puntahan sila nang mag-isa.

“Anak, bakit ka nagso-sorry?” Nana asked in a soft tone. She held my hand.

I looked at them. I did my best to suppress my tears. Ayokong umiyak na naman…

“Dahil sa mga magulang ko, nakulong si Evron. T-they even tried to ruin his reputation. I’m really sorry… A-alam ko pong hindi ko deserve ang katulad ni Evron dahil sa mga problema po na meron ako… but I assure you, I-I really love Evron. G-gagawin ko po ang lahat para hindi na maulit iyon.” My voice broke.

Nana smiled at me and caressed my hand. “Hindi mo naman kailangan mag-sorry, ‘nak. Hindi mo naman kasalanan ‘yon. Sinabi sa amin ni Evron ang mga bagay na ginawa mo para mapigilan ang mga magulang mo… N-nagpapasalamat nga kami sa’yo… dahil mahal na mahal mo ang anak namin kahit na kumokontra ang mga magulang mo.”

Napaluha si Nana. Ngumiti si Tata at hinaplos ang magkabilang balikat ni Nana.

“Anak, hindi mo kailangang humingi ng sorry sa amin dahil doon… Si Evron… willing ‘yan gawin ang lahat para sa’yo kaya wala lang ‘yon. Proud pa kami ro’n… Sa gano’n namin siya pinalaki. Hayaan mo lang na mahalin ka niya sa paraan niya… S-salamat sa’yo, ‘nak… Kasi mahal na mahal mo rin si Evron,” lumuluhang sabi ni Nana habang hinahaplos ang kamay ko.

Hindi ko napigilang mapaluha. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang meron kay Evron at sa pamilya niya… Hindi ko alam kung ano ang meron sa kanila at madali nila akong napapaiyak… madali para sa akin ipakita ang kahinaan ko sa kanila.

“Rhiatt, ‘nak… ‘Wag mo isipin iyon. Hindi kami nagalit sa’yo dahil do’n… Salamat, ‘nak, dahil mahal na mahal mo ang anak namin…” Tata gave me a warm smile. “Tandaan mo na parang anak ka na rin namin, ha. Kung ano man ang ginawa ng mga magulang mo kay Evron, hindi mo kasalanan ‘yon, ‘nak.”

Their words warmed my heart. They are the kindest people that I’ve met. Hindi ko pa rin akalain na may mga taong katulad nila, mga taong sobrang buti at hindi nagtatanim ng sama ng loob sa mga puso nila.

“Anak, tutal nandito ka na rin… Halika at ipagluluto kita. Sabi ni Evron mahilig ka raw sa seafood? Naku, sakto at bumili ng alimasag si Tata mo,” nakangiting sabi ni Nana saka tumayo at hinila ako patungong kusina.

Tinulungan ko sa pagluluto si Nana kahit na nag-atubili siyang ‘wag na. Nag-e-enjoy rin naman ako dahil marami siyang kinukwento sa akin lalo na tungkol kay Evron.

“Hindi naman pihikan si Evron sa pagkain, pero noong nagsimula siya magpalaki ng katawan at maging healthy living, naging mapili na siya sa mga kinakain niya… Alam mo namang mataba siya noong bata siya… Sa amin wala namang kaso ‘yon, kaso nabu-bully pala siya ng mga kaklase niya. Matangkad din kasi siya kumpara sa iba kaya agaw-atensyon talaga siya,” pagkwento ni Nana.

Napangiti ako. “Nana, pwede ko pong makita mamaya ang mga picture ni Evron noong bata siya?”

Napapalakpak si Nana. “Aba, oo naman! Mamaya ipapakita ko sa’yo… Matutuwa ka dahil cute na bata talaga si Evron.”

Sa mga drawing ko lang nakita si Evron noong bata. Buti na lang may mga picture sina Nana, baka sakali lang din na maalala ko siya.

Napag-usapan din namin ni Evron na magpapakonsulta ako sa psychiatrist at sasamahan niya ako. Hindi rin kasi namin masabing claustrophobia talaga ang meron ako, dahil kaya ko namang pumasok sa mga elevator… Sadyang hindi ko lang talaga kaya kapag madilim, o kapag alam kong nakakulong ako sa loob. Noon kasi, hindi ko talaga gusto ang ideya na pupunta sa psychiatrist. I had toxic masculinity back then. Para sa akin noon, mahihina lang ang mga gugustuhing magpakonsulta sa ganoon.

Meeting Evorn changed me for the better. Wala namang kinalaman ang kalakasan at kahinaan sa kasarian. Anyone, regardless of their gender, can be weak… and can be strong. They can show weakness, they can ask for help, they can cry, they can be feminine or masculine… No one should restrict anyone from what they want to be or what they should feel because of their gender.

I like this version of me more… Pakiramdam ko nakakahinga na ako nang maluwag. Pakiramdam ko totoong totoo na ako sa sarili ko… I can be honest with myself now. I can be who I really am. I can do what my heart desires. I can love whoever I want… This is the best version of myself: free.

I smiled as I watched Nana prepare Evron’s photo albums. Kakatapos lang namin kumain. Napapadami lagi ang kain ko kapag si Nana ang nagluluto.

“Ito, ‘nak…” sabi ni Nana saka umupo sa tabi ko at inilapag sa center table ang mga photo album.

Walang alikabok sa mga iyon at halatang ingat na ingat. Kinuha ni Nana ang isa na may design na Spongebob saka inabot sa akin.

Binuklat ko iyon. Mula pagka-baby ni Evron hanggang pagkabata ay nandoon. Hindi maalis ang ngiti sa labi ko sa bawat pagbuklat.

Evron was really cute as a kid. Talagang matabang bata siya.

“Mahilig kumain si Evron kaya talaga mataba siya noong bata,” sabi ni Nana saka napahagikhik.

Mas lalo akong napangiti. “Ang cute niya po.”

Ang taba ng pisngi niya at namumula pa. Maputi na talaga siya noon pa.

Nakarating na ako sa elementary pictures ni Evron. I smiled… I still couldn’t remember him. It made me sad… because I really wanted to remember our precious memories. It would be nice if I hadn’t forgotten…

Kung sana lang tinanggap ako nina Mama noon, baka magkasama kaming lumaki ni Evron. We must have been childhood sweethearts… Thinking about it makes me sad. I know I should just be thankful that we’re together now… pero hindi ko pa rin maiwasang malungkot sa mga oras na nasayang.

Napailing na lang ako at tiningnan pa ang iba niyang pictures. Madalang ngumiti sa pictures si Evron… pero talagang cute siya.

May picture ng birthday celebration niya. May nakadikit sa picture na date.
December 3. 

Ngayon ko lang nalaman ang birthday niya. Buti na lang nakita ko ito. Matagal pa naman, mapaghahandaan ko ang birthday niya. 

Natawa ako sa huling picture na nakita ko. Mukhang college na si Evron dito. Nakatulog siya habang nagsusulat sa notebook.

“Iyan ‘yung time na inamin na sa amin ni Evron na hindi niya talaga kaya sa college… Siyempre bilang magulang, nalungkot kami noong una. Kasi mahalaga rin para sa amin ang future nila… Pero kapag nakikita kong nahihirapan si Evron, nahihirapan din ako. Saka sinabi niya naman sa amin na may plano siya sa buhay kahit hindi siya mag-college… Sinuportahan namin siya kasi may tiwala naman kami sa kaniya. Hindi niya naman kami binigo, hindi niya rin binigo ang sarili niya…”

Napangiti ako at marahang hinaplos ang picture niya. Mas maganda siguro kung nasa tabi niya ako nang mga panahong ‘to… Para may kaibigan siya.

Magaan na ang pakiramdam ko nang umalis ako kina Nana. Binigyan ako ni Nana ng pictures ni Evron kaya mas lalo akong masaya.

Nang makauwi ako sa bahay, bumungad sa akin si Evron na nagluluto. Agad siyang lumingon sa akin nang maramdaman ang presensya ko.

He was topless. He was just wearing a black sweatpants. His forehead creased when he saw me. Agad siyang lumapit sa akin.

“Hindi mo sinabi na pupunta ka kina Nana. Hindi tuloy kita nahatid doon at nasundo… I know you can do it on your own, but you should have told me so that—”

Hindi na niya natuloy ang sasabihin nang bigla akong yumakap sa baywang niya. I closed my eyes and smiled… Ang sarap naman umuwi na siya ang maaabutan ko.

“Sorry… Hindi mo ba ako mapapatawad?” I asked and looked at him.

He cleared his throat, as if he lost his composure. His face was red.

I grinned. “I love you.”

“I-I love you too…” sabi niya. Para na naman siyang hihimatayin.

Ah, I love this man so much… I will live happily and freely with him from now on.

Chapter Eighty-Three

I spent my weeks practicing. Malapit na ang PBA Philippine Cup. Supportive naman si Evron at kahit na busy siya sa bagong branch ng gym niya, nagdadala pa rin siya ng pagkain para sa akin during practice.

Kapag uuwi naman ako, nakahanda na rin ang dinner. Minsan hinihilot niya pa ako sa gabi dahil alam niyang pagod ako.

Sina Mama at Papa, hindi ko pa rin kinakausap. I still couldn’t bring myself to forgive them. Masyadong masakit sa akin ang ginawa nila… Hindi ko alam kung natuto ba sila sa nangyari. Hindi ko alam kung nabuksan ba ang isip at puso nila.

Pero ito ang parusang alam namin ni Ate Rhianne… ang ‘wag silang kausapin, ang ‘wag silang kumustahin… ang iparamdam sa kanila na nawalan sila ng mga anak.

Kahit pa taliwas sa pinaniniwalaan nila ang sekswalidad ko, hindi iyon dahilan para abusuhin nila ako. No one deserves to be abused.

“Love…” Evron stopped massaging my back.

I opened my eyes. “Hmm?” I asked.

“Excited na sina Nana bukas. They already bought tickets to watch your game. Manonood kaming tatlo.”

Agad akong napabalikwas ng bangon at humarap sa kaniya. “Damn. I forgot. Bakit pinabili mo pa sila ng ticket? Pwede naman silang umupo sa malapit… hindi na nila kailangan bumili.”

Evron chuckled. “Don’t worry, love. Mas gusto nila ‘yung bumili sila ng ticket… Focus ka lang sa laro bukas.”

Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. “Ungas ka talaga. Hindi mo man lang pinaalala sa’kin,” paninisi ko sa kaniya.

He just laughed at me and hugged me. “It’s okay, love… Excited na kami bukas.”

Napaiwas na lang ako ng tingin. Sa totoo lang, natutuwa ako na manonood sina Nana… Dahil hindi supportive sina Mama sa paglalaro ko ng basketball, hindi sila nanonood ng mga laro ko. Si Ate Rhianne lang kapag may time siya, pati sina Leander.

Tila may humahaplos sa puso ko sa katotohanang manonood sina Nana at Tata sa laro ko.

It pushed me to do my best… Talagang ibubuhos ko lahat bukas. Manonood sa akin ang
pamilya
ko.

“I’m really nervous though,” bulong ni Evron at napahawak pa sa dibdib niya.

I lightly punched his chest. “Parang gago. Ikaw ba ang maglalaro?”

“Hindi… Pero paano kung mapilayan ka, o matumba?” tanong niya.

I stared at him. Tiningnan ko kung seryoso ba siya o niloloko niya lang ako.

And he was damn serious.

“Parang sira! Natural lang ‘yung matumba tumba kapag naglalaro. Siyempre kapag nagkaka-initan sa laro, hindi ‘yon maiiwasan. May circumstances din na mapipilayan…”

Evron sighed. He hugged me and buried his face on my neck. Napailing na lang ako at tinapik tapik ang likod niya.

Ewan ko ba sa taong ‘to. Parang baby minsan.

Bago kami matulog, natigilan ako nang tumunog ang phone ko. Napakunot ang noo ko nang makitang nag-text si Mama.

Mama: Anak, we will watch your game tomorrow.

Napailing ako at napabuntonghininga. Lumapit sa akin si Evron at tiningnan ang message.

Pinatay ko na ang screen at hindi na lang nag-reply. Nababasa ko ang mga messages nila, pero wala akong nire-reply-an.

“Are you okay?” Evron asked worriedly.

I looked at him and smiled. “I’m okay… Iniisip ko lang. Will I be too harsh if I block their number?”

“Hindi naman, Rhiatt… It won’t be easy for you to forgive them. Hindi basta basta ang ginawa nila. Normal lang na hindi mo sila patawarin agad… If seeing their messages doesn’t give you peace of mind, you can block them. You’re not too harsh for protecting your peace,” Evron said and gently caressed my face.

I smiled and nodded… He’s right. Ang importante sa akin ngayon ay ang mental health ko. I wanted to heal. Masakit man, pero hindi ko na maaalis ang katotohanan na makakahadlang lang sina Mama roon. I wanted peace of mind… And I shouldn’t force myself to forgive people who did unforgivable things to me, even if they’re my parents.

I WOKE UP with a light heart again. Ganito palagi ang pakiramdam simula noong nagsama na kami ni Evron. Palaging magaan ang pakiramdam ko. Palaging magaan ang puso ko.

Agad na akong nag-asikaso. Habang naliligo ako, nagluluto ng almusal si Evron.

We had a peaceful and happy breakfast together… as usual.

Halatang kabado lang talaga si Evron sa laro ko. Natatawa na lang talaga ako sa kaniya.

To be honest, I was pretty nervous too. Gusto kong makapasok kami sa semi-finals. Gusto kong manalo kami… Goal naming team na manalo bago mag-retire si coach. Hindi namin sinasabi kay coach ang tungkol doon… pero iyon talaga ang goal namin.

Pagkatapos akong ihatid ni Evron sa venue, umalis din siya kaagad dahil susunduin niya pa sina Nana at Tata.

Nakaramdam ulit ako ng kaba. Mas lalo kong ginusto magpakitang gilas mamaya dahil manonood sina Nana.

“Team! Alam niyo ba ang pinakagusto ko kapag maglalaro kayo?” Coach asked.

“Ang manalo kami?” Oliver asked.

Coach chuckled and shook his head. “Ang pinakagusto ko… ay ‘yung nag-e-enjoy kayo.”

Natigilan kaming lahat sa sinabi niya. Coach smiled and tapped Hugo’s shoulder.

“Hindi mahalaga sa’kin na may iuwi kayong trophy pagkatapos ng Philippine Cup… Ang gusto ko, ‘yung nakikitang nag-e-enjoy kayo kapag naglalaro. ‘Wag kayong makinig sa sinasabi ng mga nasa taas. Hindi niyo kailangan ma-pressure. Nandito kayong lahat kasi mahal niyo ang basketball… and you enjoy doing it. Iyan ang nagustuhan ko sa inyong lahat. You’re not like the other teams…”

Lahat kami ay tahimik na nakikinig kay coach. Hindi ko alam kung bakit… pero parang hindi ko gusto ang patutunguhan ng sinasabi niya.

“This will be my last season coaching you… I want you all to know that you’re not just some basketball players to me. Parang anak ko na kayo… Kaya for the last time, I want you to enjoy every game. No pressure… just pure enjoyment. Iyon ang huling hiling ko bilang coach niyo.”

Paulit-ulit na kumukurap si coach, tila pilit na pinipigilang maluha.

Kahit sina Hugo na tigasin, napaiwas ng tingin at pasimpleng pinahid ang luha niya.

“Pumayag ba kaming mag-retire ka?!” asik ko, nagpipigil din ng luha.

Tangina. Hindi ko ma-imagine na may iba kaming coach. Siya lang ang gusto ko. Simula nang pumasok ako sa PBA, siya na ang coach namin. Wala kaming mahahanap na coach na katulad niya.

“‘Wag kayong ganiyan. Hindi naman ibig sabihin no’n ay hindi na tayo magkikita… Pwedeng pwede niyo naman akong puntahan anytime. I just think it’s time for me to retire. Kung kailangan niyo ako, palagi pa rin akong available para sa inyo,” coach said and gave us his warmest smile.

Lahat kami ay nagkumpulan kay coach at niyakap siya…

Nagkatinginan kaming lahat. Kahit hindi kami nagsasalita, alam namin ang sinasabi ng mga isip namin.

Ipapanalo namin ‘to para kay coach.

THE GAME FINALLY started. Kalaban namin ang Roaglers. Malalakas din sila sa totoo lang. Last Philippine Cup, muntik na silang makalaban sa finals. Natalo nila kami last year.

This time, hindi kami magpapatalo.

Coach divided the players equally for the game. Hindi ako ipinasok ni coach sa first half dahil mahalaga raw ako sa second half. I have to use my full potential as the center player in the second half.

Sumalang sa first quarter sina Aldrin, Noah, Kinu, Lucien, at Axel. They did great in the first quarter. Halatang gigil din silang manalo.

Lamang ng 4 points ang kalaban nang matapos ang first quarter.

“Sorry, guys… Bawi sa second quarter. Tanginang lakas ni Castro,” napapailing na sabi ni Noah habang nagpupunas ng pawis.

Tinapik ni Hugo ang likod niya. “You did great, p’re… Saka four points lang naman, kayang kaya bawiin.”

Sunod na sumalang sa second quarter sina Hugo, Noah, Ian, Lance, at Ciro.

Napapangisi ako sa buong second quarter. Halimaw talaga si Hugo. Ibang iba ang aura niya kapag naglalaro. Talagang seryoso siya kapag nasa court na.

Mabilis nilang nabawi ang lamang. Lamang kami ng six points nang matapos ang first half ng laro.

I started stretching. Napangisi na lang ako dahil kanina pa yata nanginginig ang laman ko. Kanina ko pa gustong gusto maglaro.

Napatingin ako sa side ng kalaban. Nakatingin sa akin ang karamihan sa players, dahil siguro alam nilang sasalang na ako sa third quarter.

They were all looking at me as if they were judging me. I smirked at them and raised my eyebrow.

Tangina niyo. Lalampasuhin ko kayo.

Nagsimula na ang third quarter. The game was smooth… Maganda ang teamwork namin nina Hugo. Talagang nagbibigayan kami kapag may chance ang isa na makapuntos.

Mukhang nawawalan na ng composure ang kabilang team dahil lamang kami ng ten points nang matapos ang third quarter.

Lumapit sa akin sina Castro na may dalang tubig. Naramdaman kong lumapit sina Hugo sa likuran ko.

Castro was four inches taller than me. May ngisi sa labi niya, pero kitang kita ko na napipikon na siya.

“‘Wag kang mayabang, bakla… Sa tingin mo papayag kami na matalo ng kung sinong bakla?” tanong ni Castro habang nakangiti… Tila nag-iingat siya na may makakita sa amin.

Ngumisi ako. “Saka ka na magyabang kapag kaya mo na ‘ko. Dami mong satsat.”

Nawala ang ngiti sa mga labi niya. Umigting ang panga niya, tila nagpipigil ng galit.

Sa last quarter, ramdam na ramdam ko ang gigil ng Roaglers. Nakailang foul sila dahil halatang desperado silang makahabol.

Natapos ang laro sa score na 112 at 96. Naghiyawan ang mga tao nang manalo ang Averlands. Kahit hindi ko makita kung nasaan sina Evron, pakiramdam ko naririnig ko rin ang sigaw nila nina Nana.

Best player of the game si Hugo. Expected na iyon dahil first quarter lang siya nawala, at talagang halimaw siya kanina. Mukhang balak talaga naming seryosohin ang season na ‘to dahil huli na ito ni coach.

Matapos ang laro, inimbitahan kami ng isang channel para sa interview, kasama ang Roaglers. Live interview iyon, kaya kailangan naming mag-ingat sa sasabihin namin.

“Congratulations to both of you, Roaglers and Averlands! Talaga namang exciting ang naging laban kanina!” sabi ng host na si Ms. Carla.

Tangina, anong exciting do’n? Nilampaso namin sila.

Sinarili ko na lang ‘yon dahil mabuti na akong tao ngayon.
I think.

Maraming mga naging tanong tungkol sa laro. Ang madalas na sumasagot sa tanong in behalf of our team ay si Hugo, as usual. Mas matino siya sumagot sa amin. Sanay na kasi siya sa ganito dahil talagang nire-represent niya ang team namin maliban kay coach.

Sa kabila naman, si Castro ang madalas sumagot. Pinipigilan kong pakyuhan siya sa bawat sagot niya.

“Rhiatt, you recently came out as pansexual… Right?” tanong ni Ms. Carla.

Tumango ako. Na-orient naman ako na magkakaroon ng tanong tungkol sa sexuality ko. Pumayag din naman ako dahil wala naman akong kinakahiya.

“Yes, Ms. Carla,” sagot ko nang i-abot sa akin ni Hugo ang mic.

“A fan commented on our page. She asked… What’s your opinion about same-sex marriage, Rhiatt?” diretsang tanong ni Ms. Carla.

Ms. Carla is a transwoman. She was one of those who showed support when I revealed that I’m part of LGBTQIA+, kaya siguro hindi niya pinagpas ang ganitong tanong.

I smiled before answering. “Hm… I know I might trigger a lot of people, but well… I really think same-sex marriage should be allowed in this country. I’m not saying this because I have a boyfriend, I’m saying this because people who are part of LGBTQIA+ deserves to attain equal rights and equal opportunities that straight people have.”

Ms. Carla smiled. I know she’s happy about this. She’s a sports host… at madalas sa mga basketball players na nakakahalubilo niya ay homophobic.

“Don’t you guys receive enough opportunities? Sa inyo na nga umiikot ang mundo… Kung ikukumpara ang noon sa ngayon, mas may standing na kayo sa lipunan. Aren’t you guys too selfish?” biglang sabi ni Castro.

Nakita kong pasimple siyang siniko ng teammate niya.

“No, that’s not enough. And they’re not selfish. It’s too cruel not to be able to marry the person that you love just because you have the same gender. So, no. That’s not being selfish. They’re just asking for equal rights and equal treatment…” si Hugo ang sumagot.

Oo nga pala. He hasn’t revealed his sexual orientation yet… But I appreciate him for speaking up in this situation.

“May basis naman kaya hindi pa allowed ang same-sex marriage… We are in a religious country. It’s common knowledge. Ang babae ay para sa lalaki, and vice versa… Just because other countries are westernized doesn’t mean we should be like that too. May mga batas tayo na hindi na dapat pang galawin dahil makakagulo lang. Maayos na ang sistemang ganito. Respeto na rin sa majority. Liberation is not good all the time. Minsan hindi maganda ang impluwensya sa iba,” sabi pa ni Castro.

Tanginang opinyon ‘yan.

Ngumiti ako bago nagsalita. “Sa’yo na nga nanggaling,
majority.
Ibig sabihin, hindi lahat. Let other people enjoy things. Kung ayaw mong magpakasal sa kapwa mo lalaki, wala namang pipilit sa’yo,” nakangising sabi ko, pilit nagpipigil matawa. “Separation of church and state… You are free to practice your religion and belief, no one will stop you. But it doesn’t mean you should hinder other people from doing what they want because of your belief… to impose your belief. It’s not a crime to love someone of the same gender. Wala naman silang sinasaktan o tinatapakang tao… Why don’t you let them have the same privileges that you have? And what makes it a bad influence? That’s a huge step to open the minds of the younger generation. That’s a huge step to stop discrimination… ‘Wag mong gawin kung ayaw mo, ‘wag mong gawin kung hindi para sa’yo… Wala namang pipilit sa’yo, e. pero ‘wag mong ipagkait sa iba na gusto. Let them live too. Gano’n lang kasimple.”

Hindi na nagsalita pa si Castro pagkatapos no’n. Mukhang napansin ni Ms. Carla ang tensyon kaya nagtanong na lang ulit siya ng iba pa.

Pagkatapos ng interview, nag-uuwian na ang ibang tao. May mga nagpa-picture kaya natagalan.

Natigilan ako nang tuluyan ko nang nakita sina Evron, si Nana at Tata.

Agad silang lumapit sa akin. Napangiti na lang ako dahil kitang kita ko sa mga mukha nila na masaya sila at proud.

“Naku! Ang galing galing mo kanina, ‘nak!” Yumakap sa akin si Nana kahit pawisan ako.

Napakagat ako sa ibabang labi ko at yumakap din sa kaniya. Tinapik ni Tata ang balikat ko, ngiting ngiti rin at halatang proud.

Evron was smiling at me. “You did great, love. Ang galing mo…” sabi niya, para siyang fan boy na napalapit sa idol niya.

Nag-angat ako ng tingin. Natigilan ako nang mapansin sina Mama at Papa mula sa ‘di kalayuan… Mukhang totoo nga na nanood sila.

Napaiwas na lang ako ng tingin sa kanila at ibinaling ang atensyon ko kina Nana.

“Thank you po sa panonood,” nakangiting sabi ko.

“Naku! Ano ka ba? Talagang gustong gusto namin manood ng laro mo… Tara, ‘nak. Alam kong gutom ka na. Ipagluluto kita,” nakangiting sabi ni Nana.

Napangiti na lang din ako at tumango. “Thank you po, Nana.”

Pakiramdam ko nawala ang pagod ko sa laro… Salamat kay Evron at sa pamilya niya… na pamilya ko na rin.

Chapter Eighty-Four

“Diinan ko pa?” Evron asked.

I grinned and nodded as I read the comments on Facebook like it was the morning newspaper and drank the coffee that he made for me.

Sabi na nga ba at magv-viral ang interview na iyon… It was Ms. Carla’s goal.

Damn Rhiatt. You’re wayyyy better now!

He shut Castro’s ass for real HAHAHA!

Did he lie though? Ang tagal na ng usapin na ito. And Rhiatt is so right. Kung hindi para sa’yo, wag mong ipagkait sa iba!!!

Ang karamihan sa mga nagco-comment ay mga kabataan, teenagers. Hindi ko maiwasang mapatango. Their generation is not hopeless. Kung tutuusin mas bukas pa ang isip nila.

“You’re so cool, love… Lalo akong na-i-in love sa’yo,” bulong ni Evron sa akin.

Napangisi ako saka nilingon siya. “Dapat lang… Ako na ‘to.”

He kissed my cheek and nodded like an obedient kid. “Yes, love. Kahit wala kang gawin, lalo pa rin kitang minamahal.”

Hindi ko alam kung kikiligin ba ako o matatawa sa ka-corny-han niya.

Hinila ko siya sa harapan ko. Yumakap ako sa baywang niya saka tumingala sa kaniya at tumitig. He stared down at me too.

“Ang gwapo mo…” bulong ko. Ngumisi ako saka marahang hinaplos ang likod niya.

Napaiwas ng tingin sa akin si Evron. Namumula na ang tenga niya… Natigilan ako at napaisip.

Ngayon ko lang ba sinabi sa kaniya iyan? Hindi ko maalala kung kailan ba ang huling beses na na-compliment ko siya o nasabihan ng gwapo.

Napalunok siya saka muling tumingin sa akin. “Y-you’re handsome too…” bulong niya. He caressed my cheek. “I couldn’t believe someone like you loves me too.”

I smiled and touched his hand… We’re really perfect for each other.

THE PHILIPPINE CUP went on for months. Nakapasok kami ng quarter finals, hanggang semifinals, hanggang finals… Madalas akong pagod kada game, pero buti na lang nandiyan si Evron.

Kada uuwi ako, nakahanda na ang pagkain. Pati tubig sa bathtub nakahanda palagi, pati ang susuotin ko… Pati ang kakainin ko bago umalis. Madalas niya rin akong hinihilot kapag masakit ang katawan ko… Hindi ko na nga yata kaya nang wala si Evron.

Kaya ko naman dati mag-isa. Uuwi ako, o-order ng pagkain online, o minsan kakain sa labas… Pero malaki ang naging pagbabago noong dumating si Evron sa buhay ko. I get to eat healthier foods. Mas may pahinga ako. At para bang excited ako palagi umuwi.

Hindi ko namalayan na ilang buwan na ang relasyon namin. Sobrang komportable. It was so warm and comfortable. Sobrang gaan sa pakiramdam.

Hindi ko rin alam kung normal ba na hindi kami nag-aaway. I don’t know if we’re just mature, or Evron was just too in love with me… Kahit mainit ang ulo ko minsan, iniintindi niya ako. Nakokonsensya ako kaya pilit ko talagang ini-improve ang ugali ko. I’m trying my best to control my temper… And I think I improved. Thanks to Evron for being patient with me.

Tungkol kina Mama at Papa, hindi ko pa rin sila kinakausap. Hindi ko alam kung kailan ako magiging handa na kausapin ulit sila… Evron told me to take my time and don’t pressure myself. Ginawa ko na lang din ang sinabi niya. Hindi ko na pinipilit pa i-pressure ang sarili ko na patawarin sila… Dahil hindi ko pa rin talaga kaya.

“If we win this game… We will be the champion for this season,” sabi ni Hugo. Napalunok siya saka pinahid ang pawis sa noo.

Tapos na ang first half… at lamang ang kalaban ng ten points.

The thing about our team is that we’ve never been a champion. Bagong buong team lang ang Averlands… at hindi pa kami nagiging champion.

Palagi kaming nakakapasok sa semifinals, at kung minsan umaabot kami sa finals, pero dalawang beses lang nangyari iyon.

Ngayon… nasa finals ulit kami. Isang game na lang. We’ve played 6 games out of 7 with team Mordeams, 3-3. Kapag nanalo kami rito, kami ang champion.

I closed my eyes and wiped my sweat with my towel. Pilit kong pinapasok sa isip ko si coach. Ito ang huling season ni coach bago siya mag-retire.

Alam kong kaming lahat, iyon ang iniisip. Kaya mas gigil kami sa laro.

Nagsimula na ang second quarter. Nawawala ako sa composure. I tried my best to focus. Hindi ko naman nakita sa teammates ko na naiinis sila o nadidismaya, pero nahihiya pa rin ako sa sarili ko.

I looked at the crowd. Natigilan ako nang makita ang malaking banner doon…

Rhiatt, you can do this!

-love, family

Nasilayan ko sina Evron, sina Nana, at Tata… pati si Evan. Umuwi siya ng Pilipinas dahil bakasyon niya sa school. Kasama rin nila si Ate Rhianne at Hira.

Napabuga ako ng hangin at umiling. Muli kong ibinuhos ang focus ko sa laro.

Nang matapos ang third quarter, lamang ang kalaban ng six points.

Bago magsimula ang last quarter, kinausap kami ni coach.

“Team… Nakikita ko sa inyo na gustong gusto niyo manalo sa season na ‘to. Pero ‘wag niyong kakalimutan ang sinabi ko bago nagsimula ang season…”

Enjoy.

Nagkatinginan kami nina Hugo. We smiled and nodded… Tama. Ano man ang kahinatnan ng larong ito, we did our best, we poured our hearts… and we really enjoyed playing.

“Para sa huling quarter… Mga anak… Proud na proud ako sa inyo,” sabi ni coach saka tinapik ang balikat ni Hugo at Aldrin na nasa tabi niya.

“Tangina, coach! ‘Wag ka naman magpaiyak, oh! Lalaro pa kami!” reklamo ni Noah saka pasimpleng nagpahid ng luha.

Bumalik na kami sa court pagdating ng fourth quarter. This time, we tried to lift the pressure off our shoulders. We enjoyed it.

Hindi na namin namalayan na nakakalamang na kami… Panay ang pasa nila ng bola sa amin ni Hugo. We have good teamwork… Iyon ang pinagmamalaki ko sa team namin.

I sighed. 35 seconds left…

91 and 93, lamang ang kalaban.

Fuck. I really wanted to enjoy this. But I fucking want to win. Gusto kong manalo kami rito.

Hinahabol ko ang paghinga ko habang dini-dribble ng kalaban ang bola. I could already feel the pressure. Kailangan naming maagaw ang bola para makahabol.

Agad na pinasa ni number 15 kay number 23 ang bola. Agad kong hinabol si number 23. I was too careful for it not to be a foul. Ang focus ko, maagaw ang bola.

Napamura ako sa isip ko dahil mabilis siyang tumakbo papunta sa ring. He jumped and aimed for two points…

Fuck!

Tumalon si Hugo. He jumped as high as he could… and then he got the ball. Agad akong tumakbo. The time was running out.

Nakita ako ni Hugo, pinasa niya sa akin ang bola. Napalunok ako at tumingin sa oras.

4 seconds.

I took the fucking risk. I aimed for three points. I bent my knees and jumped, and then I shot the ball, aiming for the ring.

Pakiramdam ko bumagal ang oras habang nasa ere ang bola.

3… 2… 1.

Naghiyawan ang mga tao nang pumasok ang bola sa ring. Nanghihinang napahawak ako sa mga tuhod ko. Umabot sa oras…

The game ended with 94 and 93 points. We fuckin won.

Agad na nagbuhos ng confetti. Naagtakbuhan sina Hugo palapit sa akin at niyakap ako. We were shouting like happy kids. Agad kaming nagtakbuhan lahat papalapit kay coach. We hugged him and carried him.

“Thank you, coach!”

“Love you, coach!”

“The best ka!”

Hiyawan namin habang buhat buhat namin siya. Coach was laughing and crying at the same time. Tila hindi rin siya makapaniwala sa nangyari.

“Congratulations, Averlands, for winning the PBA Commissioner’s Cup!”

“Fuck! Tangina, ganito pala ang feeling putangina! Sana noon pa natin sineryoso!” hiyaw ni Ian habang hinahagis hagis namin sa ere si coach.

Hindi pa rin kami makapaniwala. Sobrang saya naming lahat. Naipanalo namin ang Philippine Cup bago mag-retire si coach. We made him proud for the last time.

Lahat kami nagpipigil na ng iyak during awarding.

“For the first time ever since Averlands formed, they finally got the Philippine Cup! Congratulations, Averlands!” sabi ng host.

Naghiyawan ang mga tao. Tinawag ang number namin at mga pangalan namin isa isa. Halatang halata sa teammates ko ang pagpipigil maluha.

“Number 21, Rhiatt De Roxas! And number 16, Hugo Kyrell Ferrer!”

“Head coach of Averlands, Coach Herald Williams! Together with his assistant coaches!”

Hindi maalis ang ngiti sa labi ko. Kahit si coach, kitang kita ang saya sa mukha niya. Tinawag din sa court ang manager, at ang CEO, pati ang iba pang affiliate ng Averlands.

“Again, everyone! Let’s make some noise for our champion, Averlands!”

Muling naghiyawan ang mga tao. Muling sumabog ang confetti. Buhat buhat namin nina coach ang malaking trophy.

Hugo was awarded as the season’s MVP, and he really deserved it.

“For the best player of the game, let’s give a hand of applause to… Rhiatt De Roxas!”

I grinned and raised my hands. Damn. I was expecting that. I really poured everything into this game.

Pagkatapos ng awarding, nagyaya si coach na kumain sa restaurant. Nagpa-reserve na siya kahapon pa. Manalo man daw kami o matalo, ililibre niya kaming lahat.

We had so much fun. Nag-iyakan na rin lahat dahil huling season na ni coach.

“Ah, thank you sa inyo, you made my years really enjoyable,” nakangiting sabi ni coach.

“Weh? Sabi mo, coach, mapapaaga buhay mo kay Rhiatt kasi laging late tapos matigas ang ulo!” pang-aasar ni Kinu.

Nagtawanan silang lahat. I glared at Kinu and showed him my middle finger.

Coach laughed heartily. “Ano man ang mga kalokohang ginawa niyo, nag-enjoy pa rin naman ako… Magre-retire ako na masaya dahil kayo ang naging huling alaga ko.”

Lumapit kami kay coach at yumakap sa kaniya. Sigurado akong bibisitahin pa rin namin siya pagkatapos nito… We will really miss this old man.

Matapos naming kumain, nagpaalam na rin kaming lahat dahil mga pagod na. Natigilan ako paglabas ko ng restaurant, naghihintay si Evron doon.

Agad akong lumapit sa kaniya. He smiled at me and hugged me. He kissed my forehead… Mukhang kanina pa siya naghihintay. Sinabihan ko siya sa text na magco-commute na lang ako dahil gagabihin ako at baka pagod na rin siya. Wala kasi akong dalang kotse dahil hinatid niya lang ako kanina… pero nagpunta pa rin siya rito at naghintay sa akin.

“Congrats, love… Grabe, sobrang proud kami sa’yo. Halos himatayin pa si Nana sa tuwa no’ng nagchampion kayo,” he chuckled.

I smiled and hugged him back. “Ah… I was so tired. Gusto ko nang humiga at magpahilot,” bulong ko saka ipinikit ang mga mata ko.

Evron kissed the top of my head. Kinuha niya ang bag ko mula sa akin at binitbit iyon. “Sure, love… Tara? Uwi na tayo?”

I looked at Evron and smiled. “Yes… I miss home.”

Chapter Eighty-Five

Damn. It was really awkward facing her now.

Awkward na ngumiti ako sa empleyado ni Evron. I remember her. Siya ‘yong lesbian na sinubukan kong landiin dati.

Fuck. I was such an asshole back then.

She was staring at me, smiling. Nahihiyang napakamot ako sa batok ko.

Ngayon lang ako nagkaroon ng time bumisita sa gym ni Evron. Sobrang busy ko rin kasi dahil sa Philippine Cup. Ngayong tapos na ang season at pahinga na namin, gusto ko sanang puntahan si Evron sa gym niya.

“Uhm, hi. I-I’m Evron’s boyfriend,” pagpapakilala ko.

She chuckled and nodded. “Yes, Sir… I know. Palagi kang bukambibig ni Sir Evron. At nakita ko rin sa social media. You two look perfect together.”

I smiled. “Thank you…” I took a deep breath before I spoke again. “By the way… Uhm. I’m really sorry for what I did back then. I’m really sorry for the harsh words I said… I was a homophobic jerk back then. But I promise, I really changed. I’m really really sorry.”

I don’t know her name, and I don’t know if she still remembers it, but I still want to apologize to her. Hindi maganda ang mga sinabi ko sa kaniya noon.

She smiled. “It’s okay, Rhiatt…” she called me by my name. “Nakalimutan ko na nga halos iyon. I saw your interviews. Nakita ko rin ang live mo no’n. I love that you’re speaking up for us… for the LGBTQIA+ community. You’ve changed a lot… So, no worries.”

Pakiramdam ko nakahinga ako nang maluwag. I was really a jerk back then. Kinakahiya ko ang dating version ng sarili ko. Ni ayoko na ngang maalala pa ‘yon… but I still have to apologize to the people I did wrong.

“Rhiatt!”

Napapitlag ako nang marinig ang boses ni Evron. Agad siyang lumapit sa akin at yumakap.

“You’re here…” tila natutuwang sabi niya. Humalik pa siya sa noo ko.

Tangina. Namumula na yata ako sa hiya. Nahihiya ako, bigla ba namang humalik, e, may mga tao rito! Baka sabihin masyado kaming PDA ni ungas.

“Ngayon lang ako nakabisita ulit… Tara, workout,” yaya ko sa kaniya.

Napangiti siya saka humawak sa kamay ko at hinila ako sa loob. Hindi naman ganoon karami ang tao sa gym, siguro dahil maaga pa. Madalas sa hapon o gabi maraming tao.

Kinuha ni Evron ang tumbler at bag ko. Napangiti pa siya nang makita ang basketball keychain na nakasabit sa zipper. Palagi siyang napapangiti kapag nakikita iyon. Iyon ang keychain na ginawa niya para sa akin noon.

Dinala na niya iyon sa locker room. Napailing na lang ako nang maalala ko noong nakulong kami noon dito.

Bumalik si Evron… Sa treadmill kami dumiretso para mag-cardio. Ang tagal na rin noong huli akong nag-workout. Pahinga rin kasi ako agad kapag nakakauwi.

“Bago ‘tong treadmill?” tanong ko habang naglalakad sa treadmill.

Evron nodded. “Yup! Hindi mo naalala? Ikaw ang bumili nito…”

Natigilan ako. Ah, oo nga pala. Niregalo ko sa kaniya ito noong monthsary namin two months ago. I bought two treadmills and some gym equipment and had them delivered here.

“My next gift to you would be a new branch for your gym,” sabi ko saka binilisan ang treadmill.

Evron looked at me while running. “No, love. That’s too much…”

Wala naman siyang magagawa kapag nagawa ko na.

I started running after ten minutes of walking. I’m really enjoying this. Ngayon lang kami makakapag-workout ni Evron nang magkasama.

Natigilan kami nang may dalawang babaeng lumapit sa’min. Tila nahihiya pa sila.

I stopped the treadmill and took my towel. I wiped my nape and looked at them. “Yes?” I asked.

“I-I’m sorry for interrupting you… Can we have your autograph?” the woman who was wearing a blue sports bra and leggings asked.

“Sorry, Rhiatt… May lakad kasi kami, ayaw sana namin kayong abalahin…” the other woman asked.

I smiled and nodded. “No, it’s okay…”

Nataranta sila. Naghahanap ng papel, pero wala silang dala.

“Uhm, sorry… Pwede dito na lang sa notes?” tila hiyang hiya na tanong nila.

I nodded. “Sure…”

They gave me their phone. Medyo nahirapan ako mag-sign dahil daliri ang gamit ko, pero mukhang masaya naman sila roon.

“Okay lang magpa-picture?” tanong pa ng isang babae.

I nodded. “Yes, of course…”

Umalis ako sa treadmill at lumapit sa kanila.

“Pwede pong maki-picture?” tanong nila kay Evron.

Tumango si Evron at kinuha ang phone nu’ng babae. Hindi naman siya mukhang naiinis. He seemed chill. Supportive naman siya pag may mga ganito na nagpapa-picture.

Nasa gitna ako nilang dalawa. We took a picture. After that, the other woman asked kung pwede ko silang akbayan.

“O-okay lang po if hindi,” agad na sabi ng isa.

I smiled and nodded. “Sure, okay lang…”

Umakbay ako sa kanilang dalawa. We took a picture again.

“Thank you, Rhiatt!” sabay na sabi nila pagkatapos ng picture.

“Hindi talaga kami mahilig sa basketball, but we’re watching your game and supporting you. Nagsimula ka naming suportahan no’ng napanood namin ang interview ni Ms. Carla sa team niyo. You were so vocal and admirable…” Umakbay ang mas matangkad na babae sa isa. “We’re actually a long time couple. We’ve been together for ten years, and until now, we’re not yet married… We don’t have the budget to get married abroad. Pero pinag-iipunan naman namin… And we’re really happy to see people like you who’s very vocal about the rights that LGBTQIA+ community should have. More power to you and your boyfriend, Rhiatt…” nakangiting sabi niya.

Napangiti si Evron saka lumapit sa akin at umakbay. “We also wish the best for you, lovely couple.”

I smiled. “Thank you for the warm words… I really wish the best for you two. Stay happy and in love…”

Nakangiti silang umalis ng gym. I was very happy too… It was very fulfilling to inspire others even in the simplest way.

“Ang galing mo talaga, love…” sabi ni Evron habang nakatitig sa akin.

I smirked. “I know right… Tara na nga. Balik na tayo.”

We started lifting dumbbells first. Sabay kaming nagbubuhat. Parehas din ng bigat. After that, we went to the bench press. Siya muna ang nauna.

I bought a longer bench press equipment for him dahil masyado siyang matangkad. Minsan napapaisip ako na sana sa akin na lang napunta ang height niya.

Nakatitig lang ako sa kaniya… Everything about this man is so attractive. Hindi ko alam dahil sa kaniya ko lang naman nararamdaman ang ganitong admiration… Siguro dahil mahal ko siya.

I was internally drooling while staring at him. I could never name another man who’s hotter than this man… Siguro ako lang?

He looked at me when he was done. He wiped his sweat and smiled at me. “You next?” he asked.

Tumango ako. Ang tagal na rin noong huli akong nagbuhat.

Inilapat ko ang likod ko sa equipment. Mukhang alam ni Evron na matagal na akong hindi nagbubuhat, kaya binawasan niya ang weight plates ng barbell.

I gripped the barbell and took a deep breath. Nasa ulunan ko si Evron, handang umalalay.

I stopped after two sets with six reps each. Umupo ako saka napabuga ng hangin. I wiped my sweat and looked at Evron.

“Should I add weight plates?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yeah.”

He added weight plates. After taking a break, I went at it again. Habang nagbubuhat ako, nakahawak si Evron sa bakal at nakaalalay.

“Hooh…” I muttered.

“Kaya pa?” he asked.

I nodded. “I can go for another set.”

Pakiramdam ko meron akong libreng fitness coach… What an advantage.

We focused on arms and chest workout… Next next day na raw kami mag leg day.

And how I fucking hate leg day. Parusa sa akin iyon.

Umuwi na rin kami agad pagkatapos naming mag workout. Sabay na kaming nag-shower para tipid daw sa tubig. Parang gago.

“Love, birthday ni Nana next week…” Evron informed me.

Napabalikwas ako ng tayo sa sinabi niya. “Bakit ngayon mo lang sinabi?!”

Muntik pang mabitiwan ni Evron ang hawak na spatula dahil sa gulat. He looked at me innocently. “At least I told you the week before.”

Napahawak ako sa batok ko. “Iisipin ko na agad ang ireregalo ko…” bulong ko. “How about a car?” I asked.

Nasamid si Evron sa sariling laway dahil sa tanong ko. He turned the stove off and looked at me. “Love, she will appreciate any gift from you, kahit nga wala, e… But I think… a car is too much.”

Napakunot ang noo ko. “Para nakakagala sila ni Tata using that car.”

“Well, I tried buying a car for them before… but Nana stopped me. Okay na raw sila sa motor at tricycle.”

Merong motor at tricycle sina Nana. Mukha ngang mas komportable sila roon.

“Hm… House and lot?” I asked.

Napahawak si Evron sa leeg niya at napalunok. “That’s too…”

“What?” I asked.

“Baka himatayin sina Nana,” natatawang sabi ni Evron. “That’s too much, love.”

I touched my chin. “Hmm… Ano’ng business ang gusto ni Nana?” tanong ko.

Nana owns a small flower shop. Si Tata naman ay nagpapasada kung minsan. Kaya nabanggit sa akin ni Evron na hindi sila nanghihingi ng pera kay Evron… Kahit pa successful naman ang anak nila. Pero nagpapadala pa rin si Evron sa kanila kada buwan.

‘Yung pera na ginastos sa pag-aaral ni Evan sa ibang bansa ay mula rin sa ipon nina Nana… Hindi sila nanghingi kay Evron. Pero nagpumilit si Evron na siya na ang magtustos sa pag-aaral ni Evan.

How can I not admire his parents? Minsan nagpupumilit na talaga si Evron na magbigay sa kanila.

“Ah!” Natigilan ako nang may maisip. “How about an animal shelter? I will fund the shelter, and all stray animals are welcome there. People can also adopt, but of course, they will be screened first… Do you think Nana will like it?”

Nana and Tata care about animals too much, lalo na sa mga stray. They are just too pure and kind for this world.

Evron smiled. “She will like that…”

Lumapit sa akin si Evron saka yumakap. I hugged him back.

Natigilan ako at napatingin kay Peanut na nakatingin sa amin. “Love… Hindi ba nalulungkot si Peanut na walang kasamang pet?” tanong ko.

Hindi ganoon ka-active si Peanut. Nagkasakit din siya two months ago at dinala namin agad sa vet. Nabanggit sa akin ni Evron na talagang mahina si Peanut. 

Natigilan si Evron at tumingin kay Peanut. “Should we adopt another dog? Baka nalulungkot nga si Peanut.”

I nodded. “Let’s do that.”

He kissed my forehead. “I love you…” he whispered.

I tiptoed and kissed his lips. “I love you too…”

I love this life so much… my life with Evron.

FINAL

Evron Vance Gallegos

“I promise to take care of you… to love you with all my heart, and all that I have… You complete me, Rhianne. And I will always be there for you, to complete you… To spend the rest of my life with you.”

I couldn’t take the smile off my face while watching Rhianne and Hira exchange their vows. Ganoon din si Rhiatt. He’s very happy for his sister.

We’re currently here in Portugal. Dito napagdesisyunang magpakasal nina Hira at Rhianne. Foreigners and non-residents are allowed to get married here. They have a beautiful pine garden wedding. They really prepared for it. Talagang pinaghandaan at pinag-ipunan nila. Their friends are all here. Nandito ang pamilya ni Hira… pero wala ang mga magulang nina Rhianne.

Rhiatt told me that Rhianne didn’t invite them. Mabigat naman daw sa loob ni Rhianne ang hindi sila imbitahin, pero ayaw raw ni Rhianne na um-attend sila, pero hindi pa rin bukal sa loob nila ang pagtanggap.

I stared at Rhiatt. Nakatitig siya kina Rhianne. His eyes were glistening as if he was about to cry.

Next time… Sa susunod, kami naman ang ikakasal.

I want to tie the knot with him. Hindi ko naman minamadali. Mahigit isang taon pa lang kami. Nag-iipon pa ako para secured na ang lahat… kapag gusto na naming magpakasal at bumuo ng pamilya.

I hope someday, same-sex marriage will be allowed in the Philippines… so that we can get married there too.

Rhiatt looked at me when he noticed I was staring at him. He smiled and held my hand.

“Tayo naman sa susunod,” he whispered.

Parang gusto nang kumawala ng puso ko sa tuwa… Parehas pala kami ng iniisip.

I smiled and nodded. “Yes, love… I will make sure that will happen.” I kissed his hand.

He chuckled softly. “I’ll make sure of that too.”

The wedding was smooth sailing. I have never attended a wedding before, and it gave me an idea. Mukhang hindi talaga basta basta ang paghahanda ng kasal.

“Congratulations, Rhianne and Hira,” I greeted them with a smile.

Parehas silang nakasuot ng magandang wedding dress. They looked beautiful and happy. Masaya ako para sa kanila… Rhianne was a great sister to Rhiatt. She deserves all the happiness in the world.

“Thank you, Evron!” sabay na sabi pa nilang dalawa. Nagkatinginan sila at sabay na natawa.

“You’re really a perfect pair,” nakangiting sabi ni Rhiatt. Tumingin siya kay Hira. “Hira, thank you for always taking care of my sister. Alam mo naman ‘yan, palaging subsob sa trabaho at minsan hindi na naiingatan ang sarili.”

Hira smiled and kissed Rhianne’s cheek. “It’s my pleasure to take care of her… I’m more than willing.”

Rhianne hugged her waist and smiled. Halos mapunit na ang mga labi nila dahil sa mga ngiting hindi maalis. Their eyes, words, expression, and actions showed how happy they are.

After the wedding celebration, we finally went to our hotel room. I mentally took down notes the whole time. Pagkarating na pagkarating namin sa hotel room, nilista ko kaagad sa notes ko sa phone ang mga na-observe ko sa kasal.

We will have something different, of course… Pero may mga bagay lang ako na gusto ilista para maalala ko.

Everything seems so well-prepared ahead of time. The venue, the food, everything. And I heard there were also documents that needed to be prepared first.

There were bridesmaids. So, I think when it comes to us. It will be groomsmen? There’s also a wedding theme/motif. Rhianne didn’t allow any of us to wear white. We’re all wearing brown or cream. It was good because they were really highlighted in the wedding since they were wearing white. I haven’t thought of that before.

I asked Rhianne earlier if it’s okay to ask the total money they spent. Sinabi niya na halos abutin ng isang milyon. But she said they were happy so it didn’t matter anymore. They can earn it again.

I have 689k in my savings. I still have a long way to go. Kailangan may matitira pa ring pera sa akin kapag kinasal na kami. Rhiatt told me he wanted to adopt a child a year after our marriage. So, I have to save up for that too.

Natigilan ako sa pagta-type nang lumabas na ng bathroom si Rhiatt. He was wearing a bathrobe. He was wiping his hair dry with a towel.

I sighed while staring at him. I still couldn’t believe that this handsome man chose to be with me… I love him more than I loved him yesterday. Habang tumatagal, mas lumalalim ang pagmamahal ko sa kaniya… Hindi ko alam kung posible ba ang ganito.

He sat beside me. “What are you doing?” he asked.

Agad kong pinatay ang screen ng cellphone ko. “Wala naman… Tinitingnan ko lang ang pictures kanina,” pagdadahilan ko.

“You really can’t lie, love…” napapailing na sabi niya saka tumayo at sinuklayan ang buhok niya.

Well, it’s not that I’m bad at lying. It’s just that he knows me so well. Ang dali na lang para sa kaniya na basahin ako.

Naligo na rin ako at nagpalit ng damit. Naabutan ko siyang nakaupo sa kama, nakasandal ang likod sa headboard, habang nags-scroll sa phone niya.

I sat beside him and kissed his cheek. Inilapag na niya ang phone niya sa bedside table. Humiga na kaming pareho. I rested my head on his arms and hugged him.

He kissed my forehead. “I love you,” he muttered.

Napakagat ako sa ibabang labi ko. Dati, ako ang palaging nauunang mag-
I love you
sa kaniya. Ngayon, siya na ang nauunang magsabi no’n minsan.

“I love you so much, Rhiatt…” I said and looked at him.

He caressed my cheek and pinched it lightly. “Are you really sure about me?” he randomly asked.

“I’ve never been this sure in my whole life, love…” I answered faster than lightning. I smiled and stared at him. “Hindi pa ba halata na siguradong sigurado ako sa’yo? I love you so so much… Sobrang mahal kita, Rhiatt.” I kissed his hand. “Sa’yo ako pinakasigurado. I would cross mountains and oceans for you.”

I’m not even exaggerating. That’s how much I love him.

“I can’t imagine my life without you… Do you feel the same way?” I asked.

He nodded. “Of course. I don’t want to live a life without you.” He kissed my lips.

Kinilig na naman ako. I still have a huge crush on him.

Our relationship wasn’t perfect. Marami rin naman kaming pinagdaanan. Rhiatt had to deal with his trauma, and of course, I was there with him. It was not an easy ride… But I was always patient with him. Hindi biro ang pinagdaanan niya. I want to be there beside him, always. Sa hirap man, sa mga pagsubok, sa sakit… Gusto ko na nandito ako sa tabi niya. I want him to feel that he will never be alone as long as I’m here.

Rhiatt never regained his childhood memory with me. Nakakalungkot, oo… pero ayos na rin iyon. Ayoko na rin namang maalala ni Rhiatt ang masasakit na alaala kaakibat no’n. We’re making more precious memories together. Iyon naman ang mahalaga.

We rarely fight. Rhiatt was vocal and open. Lahat ng problema niya ay sinasabi niya. Kapag may nagagawa ako na hindi niya nagugustuhan, sinasabi niya kaagad sa akin. Gaya na lang noong birthday niya. I prepared a small birthday party for him in a private resort in Batangas… I invited all of his friends. But those who used to like him, like Leander and Hugo, I gave them the wrong address. Kaya naligaw sila.

Rhiatt was so mad at me for doing that. I promised not to do it again.

Napatingin ako kay Rhiatt. Napangiti ako nang mapansing nakatulog na siya. Pumikit na lang din ako at yumakap sa kaniya.

This is the best feeling ever.

WE ONLY STAYED for two days in Portugal. Bumalik na rin kami sa Pilipinas. Si Rhianne at Hira naman ay nanatili pa roon para sa honeymoon nila.

Right after that, I went to Rhiatt’s parents house, without telling him. 

I’m still mad at them for what they did to Rhiatt. Wala akong pakialam sa kung ano man ang ginawa nila sa akin noon… Ang ikinagagalit ko lang sa kanila ay ang mga nagawa nila kay Rhiatt. 

Pero gusto ko pa ring makita kung kumusta na sila… o kung pinagsisihan ba nila ang ginawa nila kay Rhiatt. 

I was staring at them. Hindi ko alam ang unang sasabihin ko. They weren’t looking at me. Tila kagaya ko, hindi rin nila alam ang sasabihin sa akin. 

Even their house was gloomy. Tila walang buhay lahat. Ang mga halaman sa labas ng bahay nila ay wala na ring buhay. Ibang iba na ito ngayon kaysa noong una ko itong nakita. This house used to be bright and lively… but now, everything was gloomy. 

Even Rhiatt’s parents. 

Rhiatt’s father cleared his throat. He looked at me. Hindi ko alam… Pakiramdam ko mas tumanda sila kaysa noong huli ko silang nakita. Their expressions and their faces say it all… They were suffering. 

“K-kumusta sina Rhiatt?” he asked and smiled at me. 

I sighed before answering. “They are doing good, Sir… Rhianne and Hira got married in Portugal. They are very happy.”

Natahimik sila. Hindi ko alam kung dapat ko ba itong maramdaman… Dapat ba akong makaramdam ng
awa
sa kanila? Did they learn their lesson? O baka naman hindi pa?

Rhiatt’s mother smiled. Her smile was… very sad. It didn’t look a smile at all. 

“I miss my children, Evron,” she muttered. She finally called me by my name. “This is the harshest punishment for us… I really want to see and hug them… b-but I know we don’t deserve it yet.”

Napaiwas ako ng tingin nang makitang lumuluha ang Mama ni Rhiatt. Sometimes, I hate being empathetic… I hate having a soft heart. 

“S-sorry, Evron. Sorry for what we did to you… and to our son, Rhiatt. Pagkatapos ng mahigit isang taon na hindi namin malapitan ang mga anak namin, ang dami naming napagtanto,” ang Papa ni Rhiatt. “Rhiatt seems to be the happiest every time he plays basketball. B-but we never supported it. We never told him t-that we’re proud of him. We haven’t thanked him for everything that he did for us to have a good life through basketball when it’s not even his obligation.” Rhiatt’s father broke down. He covered his eyes and sobbed. 

“T-they’re right… W-walang mali sa kanila ni Rhianne. K-kami ang may mali dahil hindi namin nagawang irespeto at suportahan sila sa kung ano talaga sila… sa kung ano ang gusto nila. I-I really wanted to see my babies… p-pero hindi ko kayang kapalan ang mukha ko na puntahan sila. I know they still hate us… S-sa tuwing nakikita namin si Rhiatt kasama ang pamilya mo… m-mas lalo naming napapagtanto kung saan kami nagkulang. That’s the kind of family they need. Loving, accepting… Iyon ang hindi namin naibigay sa kanila bilang magulang.” Rhiatt’s mother wiped her tears, but they didn’t stop from falling from her eyes. 

I stared at them. They were sincere… They were really suffering and hurting. Nakahinga ako nang maluwag, hindi dahil gusto kong makita silang magdusa… kundi dahil mukhang pinagsisihan na nila ang ginawa nila… dahil mukhang natuto na sila sa nangyari. 

I sighed. “Rhiatt and Rhianne are being taken care of. Nandiyan si Hira para kay Rhianne… at nandito ako palagi para kay Rhiatt. You don’t have to worry, they are never alone. I’m relieved to see that you finally realized your mistakes. Sana hindi magbago… Darating din ang oras na magiging handa sina Rhiatt at Rhianne na kausapin kayo ulit.”

That was the last thing I said before I left… Nakita ko na ang gusto kong makita. Narinig ko na ang gusto kong marinig. 

Iyon lang ang gusto kong malaman… kung pinagsisihan na ba nila ang nangyari… at kung natuto na ba sila. 

MABILIS NA LUMIPAS ang isang linggo matapos kong kausapin ang mga magulang ni Rhiatt. Napansin ka na masyadong subsob si Rhiatt sa practice. Sa pagod niya, hindi ko na siya nakakausap sa gabi dahil nakakatulog siya kaagad.

I was quite sad about it because I always miss him. Pero siguro gusto niyang mag-champion ulit sila kaya puspusan siya sa practice.

I really really miss him though.

Napailing na lang ako at pinakain sina Peanut at Harly. Harly is the dog that we adopted last year. He’s a black aspin. He’s very sweet and active. Nahawa na rin si Peanut at naging aktibo na rin. Hindi na rin ito nagkakasakit.

“Your Daddy Rhiatt is too busy these past few days. I miss him so much,” I whispered sadly as I watched them eat.

Natigilan ako nang tumunog ang phone ko. Napakunot ang noo ko nang mapansing tumatawag si Hugo.

Gusto ko sana siyang patayan, kaso baka importante ito.

I answered the call. “Why?”

“Evron, punta ka rito. Nagka-injury si Rhiatt sa practice. Hindi naman malala, don’t worry. Need niya lang ng help mo—”

Hindi ko na hinintay matapos ang sasabihin niya. Dali dali akong tumakbo papunta sa kuwarto at kinuha ang susi ng kotse.

Walang
hindi malala
sa akin kung tungkol ito kay Rhiatt.

Kinakabahan ako habang nagmamaneho papunta sa practice venue nila.

Mabilis akong nakarating doon. Natigilan ako nang mapansin na parang walang ibang tao, kahit guard wala. Napakunot ang noo ko.

I’m sure this is their usual practice venue. Nagbago na ba? Dapat ba pinatapos ko muna magsalita si Hugo kanina?

Napailing ako at pumasok na rin sa loob para makasiguro.

Napakunot ang noo ko dahil nakapatay ang ilaw. I sighed and shook my head. Maybe this wasn’t the venue. Hindi ko na rin kasi naihahatid at nasusundo si Rhiatt dahil nagdadala siya ng kotse. Hindi na siya nagpapahatid o nagpapasundo.

I was about to turn my back, but suddenly, a huge screen went on. And instrumental music started playing.

A video showing our pictures started playing. Mga pictures namin ni Rhiatt iyon. Hindi ako nakagalaw sa kinatatayuan ko. May mga videos din namin. Kapag nagta-travel kami o kahit nasa bahay lang. We always take pictures and videos together.

Napalunok ako habang nakatitig sa screen. Nanlalabo ang paningin ko dahil sa mga luha. Napapangiti na lang ako habang pinapanood ang mga iyon.

There was a video of us playing basketball together. There was also a video of us painting together… a video of us working out, playing puzzles, just sitting on the couch while watching a movie…

Nang matapos ang video, muling nagblack out ang screen… saka muling bumukas.

December 3…

Happy birthday, my love!

Natigilan ako nang mapagtanto ko. Right. It was my birthday today. I forgot about it.

I wasn’t good at this. Damn. Editing is hard.

I laughed as I read what was written on the screen. I was laughing, while tearing up.

“Thank you, love,” I muttered.

I spent days editing this damn video. I hope you liked it though. I love you!

Pagkatapos no’n, muling nag-blackout ang screen. Then the lights opened. Nakita ko si Rhiatt na nakatayo sa gitna. He was wearing a white button down shirt. Nakaayos ang buhok niya. It was brushed back.

My lips parted. He was holding a bouquet of flowers. Naglakad siya palapit sa akin… Nang makalapit na siya, doon ko napagtanto na crochet ang bulaklak.

Mas lalo akong napaluha. “Rhiatt… My love,” I whispered.

He smiled at me… and for some reason, he seemed nervous.

He took a deep breath and gave me the bouquet… and then he kneeled in front of me.

My eyes widened when he showed me a small red box.

“N-no…” I muttered.
No way.

He gulped hard before he spoke. “Evron… I
accidentally
saw your notes. I’m very sorry about that.” He sighed. “Evron, I have so many things I wanted to say to you… but words are never enough for me to express what I feel for you… I’m so thankful to you. Paano na lang ako kung hindi ka dumating sa buhay ko? You gave my life so much meaning. You gave colors to my life… You made me a better person. You made me happier… You love me so much… I don’t even think I deserve to receive so much love from you, but you’re making me feel that I deserve it… e-everyday.”

His voice broke, and he started tearing up.

“When you said we’re meant for each other… it’s true. Sa’yo ko lang nakikita ang sarili ko sa hinaharap. I don’t want a future without you… I don’t want a life without you… I love you so much. M-mahal na mahal kita, Evron.”

I shook my head as I cried. “N-no, love… Please, stand. Y-you shouldn’t be doing this—”

He shook his head. “No… I want to do this.” He chuckled. “I-I know you’ve been saving up… for us. Let me do this, love.”

I was already sobbing. This was too much. I didn’t expect that he’ll do this… What did I do to deserve him?

He opened the box with his shaking hands, revealing a simple ring. “Evron… W-will you marry me, love?” he asked.

I cried harder… I was planning to propose to him. Ako dapat… But he really did it first. I couldn’t believe this man.

I sobbed. “D-did I ever say no to you?” I asked. “O-of course, I will marry you… W-wala akong pakialam kung saan, kung kailan, kung ilang beses… I-I will marry you, love. N-no questions asked.”

We’re both sure. We both want this… and we love each other so much.

Rhiatt sniffled and stood up. He took the ring and put it on my finger. His hands were shaking. He was crying too.

Agad ko siyang niyakap nang maisuot na ang singsing sa akin. He hugged me too… We were both crying out of happiness.

I cupped his cheeks and kissed his lips. I poured all my love for him in that kiss… I made him feel how much I love him, and how grateful I am because he loves me too.

I rested my forehead on his. I sniffled before I spoke. “T-thank you, love… T-this is the best birthday gift ever… I love you so much.”

Rhiatt held my hand and kissed it. “I love you too, Evron…”

I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him… to build a happy family with him. No beating around the bush this time. 

---

Hi! Thank you so much for your support in this story. Thank you for joining the ride with me, even though it’s imperfect. I hope you enjoyed this story, and I also hope that you learned something from it. Thank you so much! See you in the next story!

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Love-Struck Series 2

Off the Chains
(Love-Struck Series 2)

Russ Zairan Prodigalidad learned to be independent at a young age, after his parents found out that he was gay. His parents never treated him with kindness after finding out about his sexuality, and yet, he still longed for his parents’ love and approval to the point that he stopped having relationships.

But Russ’ plan took a turn when he met Rhiatt’s friend, Leander Castiel Sorrento. At first, Russ was drawn to Leander’s friendly and gentle personality… until he discovered Leander’s true colors when Rhiatt wasn’t around.


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