BEAUTY FROM PAIN SEQUEL

AUDREY

“Good morning, Mom!” He walked inside the room, carrying a tray in his hands. At ten years old, he was already the height of an average teenage boy. Arthur, by contrast, was wearing a light blue shirt that made his dark hair and eyes stand out even more than usual. He was slowly morphing into his father’s image. He just needed to grow a couple more inches in height and people would easily mistaken him for his father.

“Good morning, baby.” I smiled before lowering my gaze to the tray. “What is that?”

“Oh, this.” He looked down at it and then grinned. “Just a little breakfast in bed.”

“Why are you suddenly being sweet?” I narrowed my eyes on him, suspiciously.

“I’ve always been sweet, Mom.” He walked to the bed and sat on the edge of it. Ibinaba niya ang tray sa tabi ko. Excitement shone on his eyes as he looked at me. “Do you remember that concert I was talking about?”

“Art, I already told you I don’t like you going out on concerts alone.” I sighed and just like that, his face instantly fell with disappointment.

“But I won’t be alone. My friends are going to be there and his brother who’s in college will be there to look after us, all my favorite bands will be there, too. This might never happen again. Please, Mom, let me go.” He muttered.

He’d been hinting about wanting to go to this international music festival since last month with his friends. I had researched about it and it was said that a handful of famous bands from different countries would be playing at the festival. But I’d also come across a few articles about the rampant drug using and dealing going on there. My Arthur was just a young, innocent music lover who just wanted to see his favorite bands and I didn’t want him mixed with the wrong crowd. Being an overprotective, paranoid mother, I’d already imagined every worst scenario in my head. What if someone comes up to him and offers him drugs? I mean, given my father’s history of drug addiction, paano kung pati siya matulad kay Dad? They say addiction runs in the family, sometimes it’s in the genes. And for sure, there’s going to be drunk assholes who’ll try to pick a fight. How will he be able to defend himself? Paano kung may gulong mangyari sa music festival? Paano kung magka-stampede?

I let out a deep exhale and combed my fingers through his hair. “Baby, I can’t let you go to the festival. Saka hindi ba, pati sa Dad ayaw kang papuntahin?”

“Why can’t you let me go?” The corners of his lips tugged downward.

“Because there are a lot of things that could possibly go wrong, lalo na at wala ako sa tabi mo. Maybe when you’re old enough I’ll let you go to music festivals with your friends.” I tried to sound cheerful to lighten up his mood.

“But I really want to go, Mom. I don’t want to miss this.” He couldn’t hide the frustration in his voice. “Modern Myth, Unorthodox, and Jaws and Claws are all going to be there! Mom, please…”

“I don’t know, Art.” I shook my head and bit my bottom lip. As much as I hate seeing my son disappointed, I knew this was the right thing to do. Arthur was practically still a baby. My baby. “Maybe we can go to their concerts instead, huh?”

“I don’t want to go the concert, I want to go to the music festival…” His shoulders sagged and his expressions darkened.

“Why the long face, champ?” Dad asked Arthur as we were getting ready to leave. The triplets were already dressed up for school and so was Arthur. I wore an office uniform, a charcoal grey blazer over a maroon blouse and a pencil skirt the same color as the blazer. I had hooked around my arm a Chanel briefcase bag which contained my laptop and some documents I’d taken home yesterday from work.

“Nothing.” Arthur mumbled, unsmiling.

“He’s upset because Mommy didn’t let him go to the concert.” Sid answered.

“It’s a festival, dummy!” Sabi naman ni Brad sa kapatid niya.

“He called me a dummy, Mommy!” Sumbong ni Sid.

“Brad, you don’t say that to your brother.” I scolded him.

“But it’s not the same!” Brad exclaimed.

“Can’t you tell him in a nicer way?” Monty’s dark brows scrunched as he looked at his brother.

“I wasn’t talking to you.” Brad frowned at him.

“Boys, please, don’t start a fight with each other this early.” I sighed before looking down at my watch. “I’m going to be late for work and you’ll be late for school. Say bye to Dad and Mama so we can leave.”

“Bye, Mama. Bye, Daddy.” Arthur said in a toneless voice as he gave Mama a kiss on the cheek and Dad, too. The triplets did the same.

“I’ll see you in the office later.” Sabi ni Dad sa akin.

I nodded my head and kissed Mama goodbye. We headed to the garage where all our cars were parked. My brows furrowed when I saw that one tire was missing.

“Shit.” I uttered a soft cuss.

“Ma’am Drey…” Pumihit ang ulo ko sa direksyon kung saan nanggaling ang tinig.

There he was in his usual black wife-beater tanktop his ragged and stained jeans. His shoulder-length hair was tied up in a ponytail, some loose strands of it falling over his face. I instantly felt annoyed. It’s true what they say, first impressions are lasting impressions. I would never forget his first day working here. He took my son’s guitar, the one Callum had given him, and called his father ‘doktor ng mga baliw’.

“Nasaan ang gulong ng kotse?” I cocked my brow.

“Ah, ma’am…” Pinunasan niya ang pawis na tumatagaktak sa mukha niya nang maliit na tuwalyang nakasampay sa balikat niya. “May butas kasi ang gulong ng kotse niyo, medyo sumisingaw na ang hangin. Baka kung ano ang mangyari sa inyo, lalo na at kasama mo ang mga bata kaya tinanggal ko muna.”

“Wala bang extra tire?” I rolled my eyes.

“Bibili pa lang po sana ako ngayon.” Sagot niya.

“How am I supposed to leave? Ano’ng oras na? Sana kanina mo pa ginawa yan. May pasok ang mga bata at may meeting pa ako mamayang 9 o’clock.” Inis na sabi ko.

“Kani-kanina ko lang nakita, ma’am. Pasensya na po.”

“Tarzan can drive us to school.” Monty suggested.

“Yeah!” Sabi ni Brad. “He can drive us to the jungle so we don’t have to go to school today.”

“The teacher said we have a quiz. We can’t miss school and I don’t want to go to the jungle. What if we get eaten by tigers?” Si Sid.

“Nobody’s going to the jungle. You’re all going to school.” I firmly told them.

“Ma’am, mabuti pa siguro ipag-drive ko na lang kayo.” He offered.

We had a handful of cars in the garage but I wasn’t used to driving any car other than my Mercedes-Benz. I hated being around Tarzan or whatever his real name was. I couldn’t stand him and his rugged features and his musculine physique. I was already gazing at him from head to toe. I quickly looked away when I realized what I was doing.

“Fine.” I huffed. “We’re all going to be late and it’s your fault. Ni hindi mo man lang ako sinabihan na tinanggal mo ang gulong ng kotse ko. You have one job. One job!”

“Pasensya na po talaga, ma’am.” He sounded genuinely apologetic. Lumapit siya sa akin at sinubukan kunin ang bag ko. “Ako na po ang magdadala niyan. Mukhang nabibigatan na po kayo.”

“Ako na.” I angled my bag away from him when he tried to grab it.

“Ako na po, ma’am.” Pilit niyang kinuha sa akin.

“Ako na sabi!” I pulled it harder from him and he let go of the bag, sending me tumbling backwards. I fell to the ground and landed on my back.

“Mom!” Arthur ran up to me while the triplets were busy playinga round the garage. He tried to pull me up and looked at Tarzan with eyes narrowed. “What did you do to my Mom?”

“Sorry po, ma’am Drey!” Natarantang lumapit siya sa akin. He tried to help me up but I swatted his hand away.

“Don’t touch me!” I hissed.

“Mommy, what happened?” Monty worriedly asked when he noticed what was happening.

“Maybe she wants to take a nap on the floor.” Sabi ni Brad.

“I think Mommy fell.” Sid said.

I got up and checked if the laptop in my bag was still in one piece. Everything I’d been working on for the past months were in this laptop. I would kill that Tarzan guy had anything happened to my laptop.

“Are you okay, Mom?” Arthur asked.

“I am.” I tried to smile as I dusted off a few dirt that stuck to my clothes.

“Ma’am, sorry. Hindi ko po talaga sinasadya.” He apologized.

“Ooh you’re in big trouble, Tarzan!” Brad giggled.

Sinubukan lumapit sa akin ni Soren pero mabilis siyang hinarang ni Arthur. “Don’t come anywhere near my Mom again!”

“It’s okay, baby. I can handle this.” I touched his shoulder and squeezed it before I looked at Soren. “Isa na lang. I swear to God, I’m going to have you fired. Isang-isa na lang. Nauubos na ang pasensya ko sa’yo.”

“Ma’am, hindi ko naman talag sinasadya. Gusto ko lang naman po kayong tulungan.” He said as if begging.

“Hindi ka nakatulong.” I said in a hard tone. “You’ve officially ruined my day.”

Arthur and I sat on the seat behind the driver’s seat while the triplets were in their booster seats behind us. The three were talking and laughing as they usually do and Arthur had earphones stuck to his ears, listening to his favorite songs.

“Tarzan, hindi ba, hindi ka marunong mag-write at mag-read?” Monty asked.

“Hindi, boss.” He looked at him through the rearview mirror.

“You should go to school para matuto ka.” Sid suggested.

“Why don’t you go to school with us so you won’t be stupid anymore.” Sabi naman ni Brad.

“Brad, that’s not a nice thing to say.” My head snapped at my son, shocked at his words. “Don’t ever call someone stupid. Saan mo natutunan yun, ha?”

“My classmate said if you don’t know how to read or write then you’re stupid.” Brad said.

“It’s called illiterate.” Arthur said after tugging one earphone from his ear.

“Ill.. ititrai… irta… stupid is easier to say.” Sabi ni Brad.

“But it’s bad to call someone that, Brad. Do you want people calling you stupid?”

“No…” He answered in a low voice. “But I know how to read and write so I’m not stupid.”

“Hindi ka ba nagschool, Tarzan?” Asked Monty.

“Hindi na ko nakapag-aral, boss. Yung i-aaral ko, tinulong ko na lang sa pamilya ko. Saka sa bundok po kami nakatira, ilang oras na biyahe sa pinakamalapit na bayan. Nakakababa lang kami kapag hinahatid namin ang mga gulay na nasaka namin.” Paliwanag niya.

“Are you from the jungle?” Humagikgik si Brad.

“Hindi jungle tawag sa lugar namin, boss. Sa Benguet ako nag-mula.” Sagot niya.

“Maybe Mommy can teach you how to read and write. Mommy, can you teach Tarzan?” Sid asked sweetly.

My eyes grazed through the rearview mirror and Soren was looking at me. I instantly averted my eyes away and looked out the window. “Mommy’s really busy right now. I can’t make time for that.”

“Maybe you can teach him some other day.” Sabi naman ni Monty.

“Maybe…” I half-heartedly said, shrugging.

Within a couple of minutes, we were already in front of their school. I walked them to the entrance and kissed them all goodbye before I headed back to the car. Great! Now I’d have to be alone with this imbecile for more than half an hour.

“Ma’am…” He spoke after a few minutes of driving in silence. 

“What?” I said with a bite in my tone.

“Mukhang may topak si boss Arthur ngayon.” He chuckled.

“Excuse you?” My eyes widened in shock at what he said. “Para sabihin ko sa’yo, walang topak ang anak ko.”

I was sitting on the back of his seat and right now, I wanted nothing more than to get my laptop’s cord from my bag and strangle him with it. He could say and do whatever he wants and I wouldn’t care but say one bad thing about any of my children and I’d be more than happy to kill him.

“Alam kong wala kang pinag-aralan pero maghinay-hinay ka naman sana sa lumalabas diyan sa bibig mo. Huwag na huwag mong babastusin ang mga anak ko dahil ako ang makakalaban mo.” By now, my chest was already heaving with anger.

“Ma’am, sorry po. Hindi naman po yun ang ibig kong sabihin.” There was panic in his tone. “Ano lang po, um, salitang kalye lang po yun. Parang ano… ano po, kuwan, ano ba sa sosyal na salita yun? Moody. Yun! MOODY!”

“My son’s emotional state is none of your concern. Ang alam ko hanggang sa garahe lang ang trabaho mo. At mag-ingat ka sa mga sinasabi mo, Soren. Hindi na ako natutuwa sa’yo.” I warned him. 

“Opo, Ma’am. Pasensya na po.” He said and he fell silent.

I kind of felt guilty. Even though Soren was annoying, he didn’t deserve that treatment. We were taught by Mama and Dad to treat our help as a part of the family and to never look down on anyone. But there was just something about this particular guy that irritates me. Makita ko lang siya nasisira na ang araw ko.

“Ma’am, may kasalanan po ba ako sa inyo? Bakit ang init ng ulo niyo sa akin?” He broke the silence. 

“Gusto mo bang isa-isahin ko lahat ng kapalpakan na ginawa mo?” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“Alam ko po palagi akong palpak pero ma’am, humihingi ako ng tawad mula sa kaibuturan ng puso ko sa lahat ng nagawa kong mali. Peace na tayo, ha?”

“Huwag mo akong kakausapin at huwag kang magpapakita sa akin and everything will be okay between us.”

“Paano po yun, ma’am, wala naman akong magic power para maging invisible ngayon.” He chuckled. 

I looked at him through the rearview mirror and our gaze met. I squinted, my eyes narrowing into a spiteful slit.

“Sabi ko nga po, ma’am, tatahimik na ako.” Umiwas siya nang tingin at tinuon ang atensyon sa kalsada.

I opened the door the moment the car halted in front of the Cordova Tower. I couldn’t stand breathing the same air as him for another more minute. I hurried out without even glancing at him.

“Ma’am Audrey!” Narinig kong sigaw niya bago ako makapasok sa revolving door ng building. “Ma’am Drey, yoohoo!”

I wanted to ignore him but he kept shouting and people were turning their head to me. It was embarrassing. I clenched my hands into a fists and took in a deep breath, fighting the urge to sock him in the face

“Ma’am!” This time his voice was closer. 

I turned to face him and he was already standing in front of me.

“What?” I asked through gritted teeth. “What else do you want?”

“Nakalimutan niyo po itong bag niyo.” He handed me my bag with a huge smile on his face. “Ingat po kayo, ha. Saka good luck sa meeting niyo.”

I snatched my bag from his hand and he stood there, just looking and smiling at me.

I cocked a brow. “Ano pang ginagawa mo dito?”

“Ah, wala po. “ He shook his head as if trying to shake himself out of a trance. His face reddened which made him look… cute? “Aalis na po ako, ma’am.”

I gave him a nod. He turned his back and mumbled as he walked.

“Ang ganda mo sana, ang sungit mo lang.” I heard him say.

“Ano’ng sabi mo?” Tumaas ang isang kilay ko.

“Ha?” His head turned to me. “Ako po ba, ma’am?”

“Sino pa ba?” My jaw clenched.

“Sabi ko po you’re welcome.” Natatarantang sagot niya.

I shook my head before heading inside the building. I took in a deep breath and exhaled, a smile tugging at the corners of my lips. I pressed my lips together, trying hard to stop it. 

“Good morning, Miss Audrey.” Farah greeted me when the elevator opened to my floor. 

“Good morning.” I smiled at her. 

“Miss Audrey, may nag-deliver po nitong mga bulaklak na ito kanina.” She said with a playfully grin. There was a vase filled with beautifully arranged flowers sitting on top of her table.

“Who’s it from?” My brows furrowed.

“It’s from Franco Sarmiento, I checked the card.” She pointed at the car that was sticking out of the bouquet. 

I opened the small card.

Dear Audrey,

I hope your day will be as beautiful as you are.

Love always,

Franco S.

“Isn’t he the sweetest?” Sarah sighed dreamily. “Hindi talaga siya tumitigil na ligawan ka. Bagay na bagay kayo, Miss Audrey.”

Try as I may, I couldn’t hide the smile on my face as I shook my head. I had to remind myself that I was no longer a teenage girl, I was a working woman with four sons and a business to run. “You should get back to work. We have a lot to do today.”

“Also, Sir Miguel’s secretary left a file for you to review. Nag-email din daw si Sir Migs sa’yo ng softcopy ng documents.” She said.

“Thank you, Sarah.” I said, taking the vase with me inside my office.

I took out my phone and gave Franco a call as I smelled and played with the petals of roses. After a few rings, he picked up the phone.

“Good morning, Audrey.” His voice was smooth and manly.

“Franco, thank you for the roses. They’re beautiful.” A smile slowly crept across my face.

“You’re always welcome, love. I’m glad you liked it.”

“Hindi ka na sana nag-abala.” I bit my bottom lip, taking one stem out of the vase.

“I just want to give you something good to look at the whole day.” He said, a smile in his tone. “Audrey, would it be too much to ask you out on a date?”

“Franco… you’re a good man. I just, I don’t think I’m ready to date.” I let out a deep sigh. “I have kids and I’m helping run our company. I have so much responisibilities and being in a relationship isn’t my priority right now.”

“I understand but we’ve known each other for a long time now. Alam ko na hindi ako ang priority mo and maybe I will never be your priority. But can’t you just give us a try. I know you’re starting to have feelings for me, Drey. Hindi naman ako makikipagkumpitensya sa mga anak mo at sa trabaho mo para sa atensyon mo. I just want to simply be there for you as your partner.”

“Franco, wala akong maipapangako sa’yo.” I told him.

“I know…” He exhaled heavily. “But I love you, Drey, and I won’t stop until you love me back. No matter how long it may take.”

“I need to get back to work. May meeting pa ako. Mamaya na lang tayo mag-usap.” I said, not wanting this conversation to go any further. 

I hung up the phone and brushed my fingers through my hair. Franco had been courting me for two years now. He’d been patient with me and it was true, that I was starting to like him now. I wouldn’t exactly call it love pero nababaitan ako sa kanya. There was a part of me that wanted to  give him a chance but another part of me thought of me that was afraid of opening up again. 

I hadn’t been in a relationship since my husband. I still carry Callum’s last name and I still wear our wedding band. None of our son knew what had really happened to their father, even my sibling didn’t know that Callum drove himself over the cliff. All everyone knew was that Callum died in a car accident. My children loved their father, lalo na si Arthur. I didn’t think I was ready to let in any man in my life and my children’s.

Chapter One

Monty, Brad, and Sid were in their own beds. Just three months they decided they wanted to have their own room. Dati kasi tabi-tabi pa kami sa kwarto ko kasama si Arthur. When Arthur asked for his own room last year, sumunod na din ang mga kapatid niya. His little brothers looked up to him. How I wanted to stop time. I wanted them to stay my baby forever.

“Mommy…” I was sitting on the edge of Sid’s bed as I read them a bedtime story.

“Yes, Sidney?” I asked, smiling down at him.

“How come we’ve only seen Dr. Daddy in pictures? Sabi ni Kuya Dr. Daddy and him used to sing together. Is he ever going to come back?” Sid said.

“Mama Cassie said he’s sleeping under the grass.” Monty said, their dog, Ringo was on his bed with him. “He’s under that thingy where we light a candle and bring flowers to.”

“Can’t we dig him out of there and wake him up?” Brad asked.

“He’s gone, honey. His body may still be there but he’s already gone.” They were still young and they didn’t have a firm grasp of the concept of death.

“Forever?” Sid asked.

I nodded my head quietly.

“He’s never going to come back?” Tanong ni Sid.

I shook my head as I brushed my fingers through his hair. “No, I’m afraid not.”

“Why did he go?” Lumabi ito. Out of the triplets, he was the softest. Mama would always tell me he was just like me when I was a little girl. His brothers had very strong personalities just like their father and they had Callum’s features, too. Their hair as dark as their coal black eyes. Sid was the only one who took after the Cordova with his blonde hair and his hazel eyes.

“He… he had to…” I chewed on my bottom lip, feeling the lump in my throat. “I’m sure wherever Dr. Daddy is now, he’s looking after Kuya Arthur and you three. Even though he’s gone, I know he loves you as much as he loves Kuya Arthur. Kahit naman wala na si Dr. Daddy, nandito pa rin naman ako. Masaya naman tayo, hindi ba?”

“Mmhmm.” Sid nodded his head.

“I’m happy.” Monty answered.

“Me, too.” Sabi naman ni Brad.

I kissed them on the forehead before tucking them in and turning the lights off. I stayed until the last one of the triplets fell asleep. Before heading to my bedroom, I stopped by Arthur who was already fast asleep in his room. His favorite guitar, the one his father gave to him, was next to his bed.

Umupo ako sa gilid ng kama ni Arthur at hinaplos ang makapal na buhok niya. He looked like an angel in his sleep. No matter how bad I wanted him to stay my baby forever, him growing up was inevitable. I could alread see the changes in him. He was no longer a baby.

Hanggang ngayon ay pinagbabayaran ko pa rin ang mga kasalanan at pagkukulang ko sa kanya noon. Ang pagtanggi ko sa pagiging ina sa kanya. I wanted to make up for all the times that I wasn’t by his side while he was growing up. I was grateful that he grew up to be such a good son and brother to his siblings. He was very responsible for his age. Kahit noong ipinagbubuntis ko ang mga kapatid niya, he never left my side. I was darn lucky to raise such beautiful kids.

I made a promise to myself that I’d put him and his brothers before anything else. Everything I have won’t be worth it without them by my side. For years, my life had revolved around nothing but them. I kissed my little boy goodbye and whispered a soft I love you in his ear before I left his room.

An unexpected pang of loneliness assaulted me when I left his room. There was nothing but silence. I knew I’d feel even more lonely in my room so I decided to go down to the veranda and breathe in some fresh air. Being a mom was the most amazing and terrifying thing that had ever happened to me. I felt strong and fierce and scared and vulnerable at the same time. But being a single mom, even moments of joy and success had always been bittersweet. Hindi ako magsisinungaling at sasabihin kong madali. Dahil mahirap. Sometimes I wished I had a partner to turn to. For most part, i had to attend their school activities alone. Whenever My children achieves something, I feel great pride and joy and no one to share it with.

I walked over to the veranda and took a sit on the stairs going down our garden. I stared up the sky and watched the twinkling stars. I felt heavy in the chest. I took in a deep breath but even that couldn’t lighten the heaviness that settled within me. Without me realizing, tears had already burned the corners of my eyes. There was this realization that at the end of the day, it’s on my own that I wonder, hope, and dream for my sons. I remember the first time I walked the triplets to school on their first day in kindergarten. That was the loneliest I’d ever felt and I cried in my car as soon as I got in. I was so proud of my boys but at the same time, I wished I had someone there with me to reassure me that they’d be okay without mommy. That was the first time I realized that I would have to do this alone, with no partner to watch their transition with me from little boys to fine young men.

There was also this gnawing guilt in me. I feel guilty because I couldn’t give them a complete family. I feel guilty that they didn’t have a father by their side. They were all boys and no matter how bad I try, there were just gaps me and my family couldn’t fill in their lives. I feel guilty about everything because I always think I could do better, I could give them more.

I had forgiven Callum for what he’d done to me. But moments like this made me want to hate him. Bakit hindi niya na lang hinarap ang kasalanan niya sa akin? Why did he have to kill himself and leave me with four kids to raise on my own? Did he think killing himself would make things easier for me? Iyon ang parteng hindi ko kayang patawarin siya.

More tears began to spill out of my eyes, my throat constricted and like a dam full to burst, I could no longer hold my sobs inside. It welled up and ruptured. I buried my face into my palms and cried my eyes out.

Alam kong hindi mo pansin

Narito lang ako

Naghihintay na mahalin

Umaasa kahit di man ngayon

Mapapansin mo rin

Mapapansin mo rin

Alam kong di mo makita

Narito lang ako

Hinihintay lagi kita

Umaasa kahit di man ngayon

Hahanapin mo rin Hahanapin din

I stopped when I heard a faint voice and tune coming out of God knows where. My brows furrowed as I followed where the sound was coming from.

Pagdating ng panahon

Baka ikaw rin at ako

Baka tibok ng puso ko’y

Maging tibok ng puso mo

Sana nga’y mangyari ’yon

Kahit di pa lang ngayon

Sana ay mahalin mo rin

Pagdating ng panahon

It brought me to the corner of the garden near our garage. I saw Soren sitting on the wooden bench, strumming his guitar and singing his heart out. Bigla siyang nag-angat ng tingin at agad na tumigil nang makita ako.

“Ma’am Drey.” Nakangiting bati niya sa akin. “Ano hong ginagawa niyo dito?”

My face immediately twisted into a scowl. “Gabing-gabi na nag-iingay ka pa. Hindi mo ba alam na natutulog na ang mga tao dito?”

“Rinig ba sa inyo, ma’am. Pasensya na.” Parang nahihiyang sabi niya. “Ito talaga kasi ang hobbit ko noong nasa probinsya pa namin ako.”

“Hobbit?” Lalong lumalim ang kunot sa noo ko.

“Yung pinagkakaabalahan ko po, ma’am.”

“It’s hobby.” I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest. “Pwede ba keep your voice low. Kung kailan tulog na ang mga tao saka ka nag-iingay.”

“Ma’am Drey…” Lumapit siya sa akin at huminto sa harap ko. A flash of worry crossed his face. “Umiiyak po ba kayo?”

“N-no…” I defensively denied.

“Eh ano ito? Laway?” Hinaplos niya ang pisngi ko.

“Don’t touch me.” I flinched away from his touch. “Wala kang pakialam, okay?”

“Okay. May panyo po ako dito.” He took out from his worn out jeans a piece of cloth and handed it to me. “Ito po gamitin niyo.”

I looked at it and hesitated for a moment but decided to take it anyway. He was just being nice. Soren may have been a pain in the ass most of the time pero ayaw ko naman sungitan siya ngayon na wala naman siyang ginawa kung hindi mag-offer ng handkerchief niya.

“T-thank you…” I said and wiped my tears with it.

“No problem, ma’am. Basta ikaw, nanginginig pa-” He pused for a few seconds as if he’s seen a ghost. “Ma’am?”

“What?” I cocked a brow.

“Ah kasi…”

“Mabuti pa matulog ka na. And please, don’t make any noise. You’re giving me a migraine.” I told him.

“O-opo, ma’am. Good night po.” Dahan-dahan siyang humakbang palayo sa akin at nagmamadaling kinuha ang guitar at pumasok sa tinutuluyan niya.

I took in a deep breath and headed inside. I walkes into my room and straight to the bathroom for a bath. I stood in front of the sunk and right in front of me was the mirror. I lookes up to see my reflection while I was putting toothpaste on my toothbrush and what I saw startled me. There was a dark marks on my both my eyes that made me look like a panda. Hinawakan ko iyon at inamoy. It smelled of car grease. I took out the handkerchief that Soren had given to me to see that it was smeared with oil grease as well.

“SOOOOREEEN!!!”

Chapter Two

My eyes squinted into a glare when I saw that imbecile who thought it was funny to trick me into putting oil grease on my eyes. Instead of having to finish my presentation for today, I spent hours in the bathroom the grease off my face. That was the third strike and I wasn’t going to take anymore of that. I wanted him out of the house.

“Good morning, Ma’am Drey.” He flashed a smile at me. I found my triplets talking with this bastard in our backyard under the shade of a tree.

I lifted an eyebrow, cocking my hips to one side and crossing my arms to my chest. I had always hated this man’s guts. Ang lakas ng loob niyang mag- good morning sa akin pagkatapos ng ginawa niya sa akin. He was treating me as if I was a funny joke. 

“Kids, what are you doing here?” Tanong ko sa mga anak ko.

“Tinulungan kami ni Tarzan na kunin ang kite namin sa tree, Mommy. It got stuck up there because we were chasing Brad, it was Sid’s turn but he didn’t want to give the kite to him.” Monty pouted, his dark brows crumpled. 

“I told you I’d give it to you in a minute.” Brad gave his brother a sideway glare before his eyes lighted up again. “Tarzan climbed up the tree to get the kite and he climbs like the cartoon Tarzan.”

“It was so cool you should’ve seen it.” There was amusement in Sid’s voice. “Sabi ni Tarzan, he climbed trees higher than this and this is the highest tree we have, right?”

“Pumasok na kayo sa loob. The food’s ready.” I told them in a stoic tone.

“Can we stay for a little while? We want to hear his cool stories.” Brad excitedly said. 

“Sabi ni Tarzan sobrang taas ng mountain kung saan siya nakatira dati, he said he could touch the clouds! Isn’t that cool, Mommy?”

“No. Get inside.” I firmly told them. 

“But Mommy-”

“No buts. Inside. Now.” I said, using my authorative tone. 

The kids whined but did what I told them to do, anyway. With sagged shoulders, they walked past me to the house. It was just Tarzan and I now. I could see through he was trying to do. If he thought he could use my sons para hindi ko siya kagalitan, nagkakamali siya. 

“Ma’am, ang kukulit po ng mga anak niyo. Ang daming tanong. Nakakatuwa.” He flashed a cheeky smile as he watched them walk away. 

“You’re fired.” I said without batting an eye.

Nawala ang ngiti sa mga labi niya at bumalik ang mga mata niya sa akin. “Ma’am?”

“Mag-impake ka na. Last day mo na ito dito.”

“Ma’am naman? Bakit?” 

“Ang lakas din ng loob mong itanong sa akin yan. Go pack your things, I’ll have your last salary sent later.” After that, I turned my back to him and began walking inside. I went through the glass sliding door to our dining room where my family was having dinner. Kuya Miggy and my twin, Coco, dropped by to have breakfast with us so we could discuss about the company’s new project. 

“Ma’am Drey, huwag mo naman ako tanggalin sa trabaho ko.” I heard Soren’s begging voice from behind me as soon as I walked into the dining room. “Dahil ba ito sa nangyari kagabi?”

“Did you shag the driver?” Coco asked, nonchalantly.

“Coco, there are kids in here.” Saway ni Mama.

“What? They don’t know what I’m talking about.” Said my twin brother before turning to Monty who was sitting beside him. “Did you know I was talking about sex?”

Monty shook his head. “What’s sex?”

“See.” Coco shrugged with a cheeky smile on his face. 

“COCO!” Dad’s voice boomed throughout the whole dining room. “That is inappropriate.”

“I did not sleep with the driver.” I said with gritted teeth, ready to sock my twin brother in the face for exposing my son to that language.

“Ma’am Drey, please bigyan niyo pa ako ng isang pagkakataon.” Soren begged. 

“Pack up your bag and leave.” I firmly told him, folding my arms over to my chest. “Kahit ano’ng pagmamakaawa mo, it won’t work. Punong-puno na ako sa’yo.”

“Is Tarzan going to leave?” Sid pouted.

“What exactly is happening here?” Kuya Miggy asked, confused.

“Ginagawa akong katawa-tawa ng driver na yan.” I told them. “I’m not having anymore of it. Make him leave, Dad.”

“Sir, hindi ko naman sinasadyang ibigay sa kanya yung panyo kong may grasa. Hindi ko naman alam.” Soren said and turned his head to Mama as he knew Mama had soft heart. “Ma’am Cassie, isang pagkakataon pa po. Hindi ko kayo bibiguin.”

“It’s me and the kids or him.” I said.

“What is your name again?” Dad asked.

“S-soren po, sir.” He humbly said.

“Soren, I’m sorry but we have to let you go.” Dad said with sincere apology in his voice before looking at me, lovingly. “My princess calls the shot here.”

My heart melted when he called me his princess. I was already a mother of four kids and I was still my Dad’s princess. 

“Don’t worry, bibigyan ka naman namin ng bonus. It’ll be enough para makauwi ka sa probinsya niyo at mabisita ang pamilya mo. I’m sure you miss them already.” Said Mom, forcing a happy tone, trying to soften the blow.

“Wala na po akong pamilya, ma’am Cassie.” Soren’s shoulders sagged and guilt began to flood me when I saw how miserable he looked. “Sige po, ma’am. Aayusin ko na po ang mga gamit ko.” Then his eyes averted to me. “Ma’am Audrey, pasensya na po at maraming salamat.”

I kept a stoic face as I looked at him and he walked out like a dog with its tail between its legs. I was very vocal about hating Soren’s guts to them. They knew about it so it wasn’t much of a surprise to them anyway. We could get another driver. Hindi naman mahirap humanap. Besides, we only needed a driver para may maghahatid sa mga kasambahay sa groceries or kung may kailangan bilhin. I drive my kids to school and I pick them up from school, kung may meeting ako nandyan naman si Mama para magsundo sa mga bata.

“Why did you make Tarzan leave?” Brad sounded upset.

“Why are you mad at him?” Monty asked, his brows crumpled.

“He’s a nice guy, Mommy.” Commented Sid.

“I don’t like him.” Arthur shrugged, apathetically while putting cream cheese on his bagel. 

“We’ve already made a decision. Kumain na lang kayo.” Dad told them.

“Maybe Drey has a little crush on him.” Coco said in a teasing tone, just as he used to always do when we were little. 

“SHUT UP!” I hissed.

“Stop being immature.” Sabi naman ni Kuya Migs sa kanya.

“Hurry up, you two, we have a meeting at 10. “ Sabi ni Dad sa dalawa bago tumingin sa akin. “You take care of your kids. Kami na muna ang bahala sa meeting.”

“Thanks, Dad.” I smiled.

“I have kids, too, Dad. Bakit si Drey na lang lagi ang exempted?” Coco whined like he always does.

“Because you two have wives to take care of your kids.” Sabi naman ni Mama.

“Your Mom’s right.” Dad agreed. “Now, eat up so we can leave.”

We had a relatively nice breakfast but I still couldn’t get the picture of Soren out of my mind. He looked heartbroken. I tried to justify it by telling myself that he brought it upon himself. Kung hindi niya pinasasakit ang ulo ko palagi, hindi mangyayari iyon. If only he minded his own business. Besides, Arthur doesn’t like him. That alone was enough reason to fire him.

“Mommy, why are you mad at Tarzan?” Sid innocently asked as he sat on the backseat of the car with his three brothers while Arthur sat next to me on the passenger’s seat.

“Yeah, why did you fire him? He’s cool, Mom!” Brad joined in.

“And we promised to teach him how to read and write!” Sabi naman ni Monty.

“I know he’s a nice guy but he’s just not competent for his job. We’ll find a cooler driver.” I smiled at them through the rearview mirror.

“But he’s not going to be as cool as Tarzan. He knows how to climb trees, he knows how to play guitar, he’s climb a very taaaaall mountain, and he’s touched the sky. We haven’t had a driver who’s done that before.” Said Brad, amusement in his voice.

I let out a deep breath. “Look, boys, we have to let Tarzan go. He may be a nice, cool guy but he is not fit for this job!”

“Yes, he is! He knows how to fix cars and he knows how to drive!” Pagtatanggol ni Monty.

“Tarzan can’t stay with us.” I firmly said, exhausting my patience. 

“But why?” Inosenteng tanong ni Sid. 

“Because he just can’t. End of the story.” 

The triplets dropped the topic and went on talking about the things they were going to do in school today and the TV show they were going to watch after school. Arthur was quiet the whole drive. I had a feeling it still had something to do with the music festival I told him he wasn’t allowed to go to.

“Hey, Arthur.” I gently said as we were nearing their school. “Are you okay, baby?”

“Mmm.” He shrugged his shoulders coldly at me. 

“You already know why I can’t let you go to that concert, right?” I gave him a soft glance.

“Mmmhmm.” He nodded his head, not uttering a word and just making sounds. 

“Art, baby, talk to me.” I sighed. “I’m sorry but I just want to protect you.”

“From what?” He said in an irritated tone. “My friends’ are going and I already told you my friend’s brother will be there to watch over us.”

“Kahit na. Hindi pa din ako mapapalagay niyan.”

He didn’t speak a word after that. When I pulled up in front of their school, he didn’t even say goodbye or looked at me, just opened the door and run out of the car to the entrance of the school. I could only sigh and shake my head. I unbuckled the triplets in the backseat and walked them to the school before kissing them goodbye.

Arthur was becoming a man of his own now. He was looking for his own independent identity now, just how I was when I was a teenager. I felt sadness wash over me at the thought of that. Soon enough, he would no longer be a baby. I took in another deep breath, trying to ease the heavy feeling in my chest as I started the car.

After a few minute drive, I was already in my office room doing paperworks. Lunch time came I was told by my secretary through the intercom that I had a visitor waiting for me in the receiving area. I told her to let the visitor in while I was busy reading a company contracting, thinking it was just my twin brother, wanting to bother me and complain to me about why I always have free pass for missing boring morning meetings. 

“Drey…” A smooth, velvety voice of a man said. 

My head instantly shot up and I saw Franco standing in front of my table with his expensive brown tailored suit. 

“Franco.” Agad akong napatayo. “What are you doing here?”

“Just stopping by to say hello to you and I was hoping I could invite you out to have lunch with me.” He flashed a mega-watt smile at me. 

Franco and I had gone out on a few dates over the past few months. He’d been very patient and sweet with me even when I told him that my kids were my priority. Tinapat ko na siya noong una pa lang na I couldn’t give him the same attention as a single woman could. Mas mamahalin at bibigyan ko pa rin ng importansya ang mga anak ko kaysa sa kanya. He was very persistent, he didn’t stop asking me out on dates until I gave in. I made it clear to him that I still wasn’t ready to be in a relationship and he said he understood. I thought it would be the end of it, that he’d grow tired just like the men who’d courted me in the past, but he didn’t. He was more persistent now more than ever.

I looked down at my wristwatch before I looked back up at him. “Well, I still haven’t had lunch.”

“Great! Let’s go!” Masayang sabi niya. He walked around my table and offered his arm to me and I gladly wrapped mine on him. He took me to a restaurant near our office and we had a nice lunch together.

“How’s the kids?” He asked. That was one thing I loved about him, he knew a way to a mother’s heart is through her kids. He’d always ask about my kids and how they are doing even though he’d only met them once when we bumped into him at a party. 

“They’re doing great. The triplets are still obsessed with Kubo and the Two Strings, I’d lost count of how many times I had to see it. It’s unbelievable. Na-memorize ko na nga din yata ang mga lines sa buong movie.” I chuckled and shook my head as I was cutting my steak with fork and knife and then my chuckle died down when I thought of Arthur. “But Arthur and I are having a bit of a problem.”

“Why?” He asked, worry in his tone.

“Well, he wanted to go to this music festival but I didn’t let him. Hindi niya ako kinikibo ngayon. He’s growing up too fast, Franco.” I sighed heavily. 

“Maybe he needs a father figure, Drey.” Kinuha ni Franco ang isang kamay ko. “You can’t do this alone. You have four kids and they’re all boys. You’re going to need someone to be there for you, lalo na kapag nagbinata na ang mga bata. They need someone to look up to.”

“I know that, Franco.” I slowly slid my hand away from him. The hand that still had a wedding ring on my ring finger. “But it’s easier said than done. I can’t just shove a man in my son’s life. I want someone who’d love the kids as much as I love them.”

“Why don’t you give me a chance then we’ll take it step by step. Tignan natin kung magugustuhan ako ng mga anak mo. I love you, Audrey, and I don’t think I’ll have any problem loving your sons because they are yours. They came from the woman I love.” He softly said with so much sincerity it turned my heart it to goo.

But something else was holding me back. Hindi magiging madali kay Arthur ang tanggapin ito kung sakaling magkaron nga ako ng boyfriend. He’d think I’d be replacing his father in our lives. I’d asked him about that before and he said he didn’t want any man in our lives except Callum. Nobody would be good enough for him but his father. It wasn’t his fault. He loved Callum and Callum loved him more than anything in the world. He had no idea how much damaged his father had done to my life and my family’s at wala akong balak sirain ang imahe niyang iyon sa mga anak namin. He’d always be Callum, my husband and the father of my children, the one who’d taught him how to play guitar, the one who kissed his tears away, the one who’d sing him to sleep and I was fine with that. I would never want them to hate the other half of what made them them.

“Paano kung hindi magwork? Paano kung hindi ka nila magustuhan? P-paano kung hindi mo sila magustuhan?” Questions started rolling through my mind.

“I would do everything in my power to make them like you and I promise to love them as my own. Just give me a chance, Drey.” He said as if begging and then he eyed my ring. “Matagal naman ng wala ang asawa mo. I’m sure, wherever he is, he’d be happy to know that his wife and kids are being taken care of.”

I bit my inner cheek, thinking through all the possibilities. Franco came from a well-to-do family, a 37-year-old heir to a big remittance company, he was single with no kids of his own yet. How was he to know if he liked kids? How was I supposed to know if he’d like my kids or if they’d like him when they had only met once? The triplets spoke to him when they’d met but Arthur was cold and distant to him, as he always was with my suitors. He didn’t like men being around me, other than men in my family. He always seemed to know when a man likes me.

“Let’s give it a shot, yeah?” He asked.

I dropped my utensils, closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. “Okay.”

His eyes lit up with happiness. “You’re not kidding, right? You can’t take that back.” 

“I won’t.” I giggled. 

“Oh, Audrey.” He stood up from his seat and walked around the table. He pulled me up and cupped my face with his strong hands, kissing me to my lips. It took me by surprise, I was speechless for awhile. I had already forgotten how a real kiss felt. Nervous butterflies began to flutter in my stomach.

“Is everything alright?” Franco asked, worried when he saw my expression.

A smile slowly crept across my face. “No, no… it’s wonderful. It’s just… this was the first time I have ever been kissed by a man since my husband.”

“Oh, Drey, you don’t know how happy you’ve made me.” He pulled me into a tight embrace and showered me with kisses. “I love you.” He whispered into my ear. I closed my eyes and savored  those words. 

I decided to leave work early so Franco and I could spend some time together. Gusto niya daw sumama sa pagsundo sa mga anak ko at binilhan niya ang mga bata ng laruan.

“This is excessive, Franco!” I told him as we were checking out the toys he’d picked for the kids. “You don’t have to do this. I think they’d appreciate your presence alone.”

“I want them to like me, Drey. I really do.” He said, his eyes shimmering with hope. “I’ll do everything I can to make them like you.”

“You really don’t have to do this-”

He gently pulled me into a hug and kissed my forehead. “Shh… let me do this. Just this once, let me do this for them. I want to make a good impression.”

“Fine. Pero ngayon lang ito.”

“Okay, don’t get jealous. Next time, it’ll be you I will spoil.” 

I just giggled like a teenager and shook my head. Ayaw kong magulat ang mga anak ko at malaman nilang may boyfriend na agad ako. I told Franco that we needed to take things easy. I’d introduce him to the kids as my friends and from there, I could start building him up to them. Franco is the easiest person to like and I knew with time, he’d eventually grow on them.

Chapter Three

“MOMMY!” The triplets happily waved at me while playing in their indoor play area. Sid was sitting on the plastic slide, Brad was right behind him, and Monty was already putting on his shoes. The boys had to stay in school after their class for music lessons and when they finish early, their teacher let them play. It was convenient for me dahil isang sunduan na lang. We didn’t have to wait for Arthur anymore as Arthur’s class finishes an hour later than the triplets, just in time for when the triplets lessons end.

“Brad, don’t push your brother.” I said, my eyes fixed on the two who were still on the slide.

“Hurry up!” Brad urged his brother.

Sid came sliding down and Brad followed after him. Monty was already done putting on his shoes and was now putting his Avengers backpack on his back. The two other boys ran to the shoe rack and started putting on their shoes.

“How was school? Did you have fun?” I asked Monty, brushing my fingers through his dark hair.

“Yeah! The teacher let us watch this science show on the TV.” Masayang sabi ni Monty.

“That’s good.” I smiled.

“Mommy, did you know Brad was sent outside because he was throwing papers on our classmates while we were watching movie!” Sumbong ni Sid sa akin.

“You tattletale!” Siniko ni Brad ang kapatid.

“Mommy, see that!” Sid frowned.

“Stop it, you two!” Saway ko sa kanila bago tumingin kay Brad. A frown tugged at the corners of my lips. Brad had always been a trouble magnet since he was little, or maybe he was the trouble. “That’s not nice, Brad. Bakit ginawa mo iyon?”

“My friend, Walter, and me were exchanging drawings! We crumple the paper and throw each other our drawings and then he told on us.” He pointed at Sid. “He’s a tattletale!”

“Stop pointing at your brother, Brad.” I put his finger down. “You know it’s wrong. You shouldn’t have done that while in class. No desserts for you tonight and you sleep early, you understand?”

“I don’t wanna!” Brad whined.

“But you have to because that’s what Mommy said.” Monty, the eldest of the triplets and the leader, said.

“I don’t wanna! I don’t wanna!” Brad stomped his feet to the ground.

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes and shake my head. They were getting harder and harder to handle the boys as they grew. I could already see a streak of rebellion in Brad, he took on Coco’s personality. I knew I was going to have a hard time handling him when he gets a little bit older. Si Mama at Dad nga hirap na hirap na kay Coco noon, paano naman akong mag-isa lang?

Brad quickly forgot what he was whining about when Monty popped out a lollipop from his backpacks pocket. I talked to their music teacher for awhile and she said they were doing great in her class. We said goodbye to her and went to the opposite wing of the school to pick up Arthur.

Nakaupo si Arthur sa bench sa waiting area nang madatnan namin. He was strumming the strings of his guitar, the one Dad had given him for his birthday. He rarely takes out the guitar Callum had given him. Ayaw niyang nahahawakin ito ng ibang tao at sobrang alaga niya sa gitarang iyon. He would be devastated if something bad were to happen to his favorite guitar.

“Arthur, baby.” Nilapitan ko siya.

He lifted his eyes from the guitar to me. I was met with the darkest of stares, he really had his father’s eyes. They were the kind of black that has hues for every emotion. The darkest hue when his upset or sad and it lightens when his happy. It was like a mood ring.

“Hi, Mom.” He greeted me without a hint of enthusiasm in his voice. He put his guitar back to its case and then hooked his backpack on one arm.

“How was school?” I asked him, kissing the top of his head.

“Okay, I guess.” His voice came out as a mumble.

“I know you’re still upset about the whole music festival but you know why I can’t let you go, Arthur. If something bad happens to you, it will kill me.” I gently said to him. “Ganito na lang, instead of letting you go to the music festival, we’ll go to whatever concert you want to go to this year. I’ll buy you a VIP ticket or maybe even a backstage pass.”

“Really?” Nagliwanag ang mukha ni Arthur. He was smiling, finally!

“Really.” I fondly pinched his pointed nose.

“Well, The Who’s going to be here on December.” He grinned cheekily.

“Then we’ll buy ourselves tickets for their concert.” I said, finally feeling relief. My little boy was back. The triplets were chasing and playing each other around the oval of the school and I called on them. Mabilis naman silang sumunod sa akin. I bit my bottom lips as we made our way out of the campus.

“Boys, I have a friend with me today.” I said when I remembered that Franco was waiting for me and the kids.

“Who? Tita Anais?” Tanong sa akin ni Arthur.

“Are we going to Tito Coco’s!” Monty excitedly said.

“No.” I quietly said, the word coming out as a squeak. “His name is Franco. He’s been Mommy’s friend for a very long time now and you’ve met him before at the Papa Nick’s party, do you remember?”

“No.” The boys shook their heads.

“Well, you only had a quick small talk with him but he’s a nice guy.”

“Why do we have to meet him?” Arthur’s brows furrowed in confusion and skepiticism.

“Because he’s my friend and he wants meet you.” I wondered if Arthur caught the shakiness in my tone. After all, he was a smart young man.

“But why?” He pressed on.

“He just wants to get to know you and hang out with you.” I told him.

Hindi na kumibo pa si Arthur but the look on his face told me that he didn’t like the idea of it. This was the first time I’d ever introduce a ‘guy friend’ to them. I knew he already had a hint. Arthur could sense from a million miles away when there’s a threat of ‘another man’.

“And he even bought gifts for you.” I tried to sound enthusiastic as to hide my nervousness.

“For me?” Brad’s eyes lit up with excitement.

“For every one of you.” I forced a smile.

Franco was leaning against the hood of my SUV car with both his hands tucked inside the pockets of his designer trousers. The kids stopped to look at him and Arthur eyed him from head to toe.

“Hey, kids.” Franco took out a hand from his pocket and waved at them.

“Are you mommy’s friend?” Sid asked.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Franco bago niya ibinalik ang mga mata kay Sid at ngumiti siya. “Yeah, I’m your Mommy’s friend.”

I glanced at Arthur who had an undeniable scowl on his face. He looked at Franco as if he was sizing him up. I knew he could already sense that he was more than ‘Mommy’s friend’ as the triplets call him.

“My name’s Franco.” He held out a hand to the triplets.

“I’m Montgomery Francois.” The eldest of the triplets introduced himself and shook Franco’s hand like a real grown man.

“Your name sounds like our last name.” Brad giggled, cheekily.

“It does, doesn’t it?” Franco humored him. “You must be Sid.”

“No, I am Sid!” Sabi ng bunso namin. “I’m the only one who has Mommy’s hair, always remember that.”

“I will.” Natatawang sabi ni Franco bago tinignan si Brad. “Brad, am I right?”

“Yeah!” Tumango-tango siya. “Mommy said you have gifts for us!”

“I do.” Franco nodded his head.

“Where is it?” Brad asked.

“It’s in my car. I’ll give it to you later.” He said with a smile and then his eyes caught Arthur who was quietly, and with a scowl on his face, staring at them. He didn’t look happy at all and he made sure we knew it.

“And you must be Arthur.” Franco warmly and gently said.

Arthur didn’t say anything. He just looked at Franco. I bit my bottom lip, this was what I was fearing the most. Arthur’s reaction.

“You’re a handsome young man. Ilang taon ka na?” He tried to get Arthur to talk.

“I’m going inside.” Arthur shrugged and opened the door to the passenger’s seat.

I looked at Franco and gave him a look of apology for how my son had acted. He gave me a nod as if telling me that he understood. Unlike the triplets, Arthur was old enough to know what was really happening here. He knew Mommy wouldn’t simply introduce them to a guy friend.

Sumunod na din ang mga bata papasok sa kotse at naiwan kaming dalawa ni Franco.

“Franco, pasensya ka na kay Art. Hindi lang siguro siya sanay na may ipinakikilala akong lalaki sa kanilang magkakapatid.” I quietly said.

“It’s alright, Drey. I understand. He’ll get used to me.” Franco said and took my hand. “Susundan ko na lang ang kotse niyo.”

BEEEEEP!

We were both startled when the car horn started going off. I looked at Arthur who was leaning over the wheels while he was on the passenger’s seat.

“Mom, let’s go!” He poked his head through the side window.

Franco just chuckled and shook his head. I got into the driver’s side and started the engine.

“Mom, why did you bring your friend here?” Asked Arthur with a hint of spite in his tone. “Does he really have to be here?”

“Well, like I said he wanted to meet you and your brothers.” I said as I was manuvering the car.

“Why?” He folded his arms to his chest.

“Because he’s been a good friend of mine for a very long time now and he’s worked with Daddy Nick before. Masama bang gustuhin niyang makilala kayo?”

“I don’t like him.” Salubong ang kilay na sabi niya.

“Oh, Arthur…” I bit my bottom lip. “You haven’t gotten the chance to know him. Franco’s a really nice guy-”

“Why does it matter to you that much that I don’t like him?” He questioned.

“B-because he’s a friend of mine.”

“Yeah, right.” He said with sarcasm in his tone as he looked through the side window.

I straightened my back and frowned. “Don’t talk back to me like that. You’ve been acting up the past couple of days now. Baka nakakalimutan mong I’m still your mother. Franco’s going to have dinner with us at our house so be nice to him. What you did earlier was rude and I don’t ever want you to do that again to anyone, you understand?”

“Mm…” He half-heartedly mumbled.

Franco’s car followed behind us on the way to our house. We pulled up in front of the patio to the main entrance and the kids came running in. Hinintay ko si Franco at sabay kaming pumasok sa loob. I wanted to make sure that I’d be with someone my parents approve of. I know I was old enough to make my own decisions but they know me more than anyone in the world and more than anything, they could tell if he’d be a good father to my kids. Iyon lang naman ang gusto ko, I want Arthur and the triplets to have a father figure they could look up to.

“Daddy Niiiick! Mama!” The triplets giggled and jumped over Mama and Dad who were quietly sitting on the couch.

“There’s our babies.” Dad doted at his grandsons.

“You’re sweating like crazy. Magpalit na kayo ng pangbahay.” Sabi ni Mana.

“Hey Arthur, why the long face?” Tanong ni Dad nang nahagip ng mga mata niya si Arthur.

“I’m just tired, Dad.” Walang kagana-ganang sabi niya havang patuloy ang paglalakad. He didn’t even stop to give them a kiss like he usually does. “I’m going to my room.”

Mama sensing something was wrong turned her head to me then to the person next to me. “May bisita pala tayo.”

“Good afternoon, Mrs. Cordova.” He politely greeted my Mom and then turned his attention to Dad. “Mr. Cordova, good to see you again. You have a beautiful home.” His eyes wandered around.

“Thank you.” Sabi ni Mama.

“All thanks to my wife.” Dad kissed the side of Mom’s head.

“Now if you’ll excuse us, papalitan ko lang ang damit nitong nga batang ito at ipapahanda ko kayo kay Mildred ng maiinom.” Mama said.

“But I haven’t gotten my gift from Franco yet.” Brad whined.

“You will later. Magpalit muna kayo ng damit.” I told him.

The triplets followed Mama out of the living room and now it was just Dad, Franco, and I. Dad stood up from his seat and walked up to us.

“How’s your father?” Dad asked.

“He’s doing great now after his operation two weeks ago.” He answered. My Dad and his father had partnered over a projects in the past. Kilala na ni Dad si Franco, our families were good friends so I guess it wouldn’t be hard for them to accept Franco as my boyfriend.

“What brought you here, Franco? Does this have something to do with business?” He asked.

“Dad, I invited him over for dinner.” I said, chewing on my bottom lip.

Dad looked at me and he looked at Franco and his eyes went back to me and then back to Franco again, his eyeballs were turning left and right like two ping pong balls. He’s probably already gotten the hint that something was going on between us.

Tumikhim siya. “Very well then, your mother made lasagna for us for dinner.” He then looked back at Franco and then he smiled as if giving his approval. “My wife makes the best lasagna. You’ll love it.”

“I’m sure I will, sir.” Franco nodded, happily.

The triplets came back with fresh clothes on. Binigay na din ni Franco ang regalo niya sa mga bata at tuwang-tuwa ang mga ito. Arthur hadn’t come down from his room yet. When he was called for dinner, sabi niya hindi daw siya gutom. He wouldn’t even open the door for us and I felt bad. I started doubting if what I was doing was right for me and my kids.

What if hindi niya talaga matanggap si Franco? What if they don’t get along? What if my son starts hating me for dating him?

Despite the questions and worries in my hand, we’d finished a nice dinner and my family had gotten to know Franco. Although hindi tinatanong sa akin ni Mama and Dad kung ano ang relasyon namin, I had a feeling they already had a hint. I was relieved when Franco left because then I’d have the chance to talk to Arthur. Dinalhan ko siya ng makakain.

“Arthur.” I knocked on his door but he didn’t answer. “Arthur, baby, open the door.”

Still no answer.

I let out a heavy sigh. “Art, you still haven’t had dinner yet. Dinalhan kita dito ng pagkain, I’ll leave it outside your door in case you get hungry, okay?”

I left the tray just beside his door and I walked away as tears stung my eyes. I didn’t know why but this silent treatment Arthur was giving me was killing me. I didn’t know what to do anymore.

I poured myself a glass of wine and went to the veranda to unwind. This had been a stressful day. There were a lot of thibgs running through my head. I was doubting myself if I had made the right decision to say yes to Franco. Were we even right for each other? How will I know if he’d be a good father to my children when he doesn’t even have a child of his own? Will he get along with the kids?

I started to think that maybe I was rushibg into things. Maybe I just desperately wanted my kids to have a dad, a father figure. Maybe I was desperate to have someone since I’d been lonely for so long.

I was lost in my thoughts when something caught my eye. A shirt. A very familiar shirt that I had only seen one person in my life ever wore. A white The Beatles shirt with a unique design. It was already dark outside so it was the shirt I only see.

The hairs on the back of my head stood up. Was that my late husband? Nagpaparamdam ba siya sa akin? Was he unhappy that I was in a relationship with another man now? I had never believed in ghosts before but now, I didn’t know. The face became clearer and clearer as the shirt he got nearer and nearer.

“Soren!” Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko na malakas ang kumakabog. I felt like ny heart wanted to junpbout my chest. Then I quickly felt anger. “Why are you wearing that?”

At first, he looked as shocked as me when he saw me. Then his face flushed, his tanned cheeks turning fuschia red. “Ah, ma’am, binigay po sa akin ni ma’am Cassie ito, di na daw ginagamit at nakatambak lang sa attic niyo” He was trying hard not to look me in the eye.

“That was my husband’s…” Mahinang sabi ko. I had Callum’s clothes and things kept for the kids. Gusto kong ibigay sa kanila iyon when they’re old enough. I knew Arthur would love to have his father’s things.

“I-isang kahon nga pong damit ang binigay sa akin ni ma’am Cassie.”

My fingers clenched. “I want all those back! Hubarin mo yan! Hindi yan sayo, sa asawa ko yan!”

“O-opo, ma’am.” He said, his voice shaky.

“Bakit ba nandito ka pa?” Iritang tanong ko. “Hindi ba tanggal ka na sa trabaho?”

“Ma’am, nakabili na po si Tiya ng ticket pabalik sa probinsya kaso bukas pa po ang available na oras kaya nakiusap muna ako kay ma’am Cassie.”

“Eh anong ginagawa mo dito?” Pumamewang ako.

“Ibabalik ko lang po sana ito. Nasama po sa box ng mga damit na ibibigay sana ni ma’am Cassie.” He held his hand out.

I looked down and saw a camcorder in his hand. My brows furrowed thinking for awhile who it belonged to and then my eyes widened. It was Callum’s camcorded where it had our videos.

Chapter Four

I snatched the camcorded from his hand. I knew from the look of his face and the way he avoided my gaze that he’d seen something in the camcorded he shouldn’t have seen.

“P-pinakialam mo ba ito?” I could feel the heat from my cheeks travelling to my ears.

“Ma’am, hindi ko po sinasadyang makita. Ngayon lang ho kasi ako nakakita ng ganyan…” He flushed even more and then he straightened up as if he’d said something worng. “Ibig kong sabihin, ma’am, ngayon lang ako nakakita ng ganyang bagay. Aksidente ko pong nabuksan. Isasauli ko nga ho dapat kay Ma’am Cassie pero sa inyo po yata talaga yan…”

“Pinanood mo ang videos?” I tried hard not to falter, even though I wanted to melt into a puddle in embarrassment.

He swallowed, his adam’s apple bobbing up and down. “O-opo, ma’am. Pero konti lang naman, ma’am. Yung dun lang sa parteng nasa kama kayo tapos-”

“Stop.” My ears were hot from shame. There was nothing more I wanted than for a lightening to struck me dead at this moment. “N-napakabastos mo! Hindi ko alam kung iniinis mo lang ako o bastos ka lang talaga.”

“Ma’am, sinagot ko lang po yung tanong niya, wala po akong intensyon na bastusin kayo. Sa katunayan ang laki nga po ng respeto ko sa pamilya niyo, lalong-lalo na sa’yo, Ma’am. Alam ko po makulit ako kung minsan, may mga panahon na pumapalpak ako sa trabaho ko, may mga nasasabi akong hindi ko naman sinasadya pero, Ma’am, tao din naman po ako kaya huwag niyo akong tratuhin na ganito. Hindi man ako edukadong tao, marangal ako. Hindi ho ako bastos na tao. Iyon lang ang maipagmamalaki ko.” There was a hint of pain in his tone.

My back straightened and I held my chin up. Somehow, his words shot right through me. I may have stepped a bit out of line with the way I treat and speak to Soren. He may have peeve me to no end but I shouldn’t talk down to him like this. It wasn’t his fault he was ignorant to social norms, I mean he had lived in the mountains all his life. What may be offensive to me, may not be to them.

“Ma’am, pasensya na ho ulit. Hindi ko ho talaga sinasadyang makita yun. Ibabalik ko na din po ang kahon na ibinigay sa akin ni Ma’am Cassie. Saka ito pong…” He pulled the shirt over his head, displaying his muscular chest. He was pure muscules and mass rolled into one, it was the kind of muscles that you knew were formed by nothing but pure, hard labor.

He handed the white shirt to me and my attention was averted back to his face. I tried so hard not to look down. Kunwaring inis na kinuha ko ito mula sa kamay niya.

“Huwag na huwag lang malalaman ng iba ang nakita mo, Soren. I swear to God, if this goes out ikaw lang ang sisihin ko.” My eyes squinted spitefully at him.

“Wala po kayong dapat ipag-alala. Makakaasa po kayo na walang makakaalam. Kamukha pala talaga ni boss Arthur si sir.” He said, mindlessly.

“Just shut up! Please!” Pinandilatan ko siya ng mata. Embarassment assaulted me again.

He was startled. “Sorry ho ulit. Idadaan ko na lang po dito yung kahon bago ako umalis.”

“I want it here first thing in the morning, you understand?”

“Morning po, ma’am. No prablem.” Tumango-tango ito.

Tumalikod na ako before my eyes could wander elsewhere. I exhaustedly slumped down the living room couch and sighed deeply. I took a deep breath and caught a whiff of a manly scent coming from the white shirt I was clutching in my hands with the camcorder. Damn it! I felt like a thirsty woman who had seen water. I didn’t realize how dry I was until now. I mean, could you really blame me? I hadn’t been with a man for ages.

I chewed on my bottom lip. Nakita ni Soren ang sex video ko. Gusto kong matunaw sa hiya ngayon. He’d seen my body. He’d seen what I’d done in bed with my late husband. He’d seen everything. I knew whatever it was in the camcorder, they weren’t tame missionary position love makings. They were always wild and sloppy and dirty.

I wondered where he’d left off, if he’d gone through the videos o baka nasilip niya lang. I hoped he just peeked. Had he seen the wild parts? Ano’ng part ang nakita niya? I had never watched this since his death. Ni hindi nga sumagi sa isip ko ito. When Callum died, I packed up all his things at itinago ko ang mga iyon. I should’ve just buried this with him.

“Ma.” I quietly said as I peeked my head into their room. She was in bed with Dad, her head laid comfortably on his chest while they watch a movie on the flat screen tv

“Hey, Drey. What do you need?” Dad asked.

“Can I talk to Mama?” I asked.

She lifted her head up and gave a warm smile. “What is it?”

“Do you want to come in?” Dad asked.

“No, thanks. I just want to talk to Mom. Sandali lang naman.” I said.

Mom got up, slipped on a black robe and went out with me. We walked to the entertainment room and sat on the couch. I didn’t want to discuss this in front of Dad as I knew even the mention of my late husband’s name

“What do you want to talk about, Sweety? May problema ba?” She asked, looking worried.

“Ma, binigay may ibinigay ka ba kay Soren?” I gently asked.

Mama’s brows crumpled and then her they raised as if she’d remembered. “Binigay ko sa kanya yung mga lumang damit na nasa attic. It was a box full. Wala naman gumagamit.”

I closed my eyes and exhaled and then opened them again. “That was Callum’s. Itinatago ko iyon para sa mga bata.”

“I thought it was your Dad’s and Kuya’s old clothes.” Mama bit her bottom lip. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

“It’s okay, Ma. Kinausap ko naman na si Soren, he said he’d give it back to me.”

Ma nodded her head and looked at me. It was as if she was waiting for me to say something, spill my heart out to her. Mama always seemed to know everything just as I am with my kids. Even without saying anything, I could sense if there was something bothering my boys. She knew something was bothering me. 

“Ma, mali ba itong ginagawa ko?” I rested my elbows on my lap and buried my face into my palms. “I… I just want to give them a complete family, Ma. I want a complete family. I want them to have a father they could look up to.”

“Oh, Drey…” I could hear through her voice how heartbroken she was. “It is never wrong to open up your heart to someone new. You have to move forward. Gusto ko rin magkaron ka ng isang kumpletong pamilya katulad ng mga kapatid. I would give anything for you to have that.”

“Pero paano si Arthur? He hates me…” I said, wearily. 

“No, he doesn’t. He just needs time. He’ll come around.”

“Paano pag hindi?” I lifted my head up and looked at her. “He won’t even talk to me. Pakiramdam ko ang sama sama kong ina. I feel so selfish for wanting to love again. Am I being selfish, Ma?”

“Oh, honey…” Niyakap ako ni Mama. “No, you’re not. Sa ngayon siguro hindi pa naiintindihan ni Arthur ang lahat pero darating ang araw na maiintindihan niya rin iyon. I want you to find true love. It wasn’t just your heart that was shattered, it was your whole being and to see you rise again from the darkness you’ve been through is all I ever prayed and hoped for.”

The food I had left for Arthur by his door was untouched. It worried me that my son still hadn’t had dinner when it was already morning. He must be starving by now. Kinatok ko ang pinto ng kwarto niya.

“Arthur, baby, can we talk?” I gently asked as I stood in front of his door. My hand went to the door lever and when I pushed it down I found out that it was locked. “Arthur…”

I knocked again but to no avail. I knocked harder this time and I didn’t stop until my knuckles were already red and hurting. Something didn’t sit quite right with me. My mother’s instinct started kicking in.

“Arthur, I demand you to open the door. Open it now!” The gentleness in my tone faded and it was now firm and authorative as fear took over me.

“ARTHUR!” I pulled the door lever multiple times as if it would magically unlock itself.

“Audrey!” Dad came hurrying to me, his brows drawn together. “Ano’ng nangyayari dyan.”

“Dad, ayaw buksan ni Arthur ang pinto niya.” I said, fidgeting with my fingers in nervousness. 

Lumapit si Dad sa pinto ni Arthur at kinatok iyon. “Arthur!” 

There was still no answer.

“ARTHUR!” Dad’s voice boomed as he knocked harder against the door. 

“Dad, baka kung ano na ang nangyari sa anak ko.” Ninenerbyos na sabi ko.

“Tell your Mama to get the keys.” He instructed me.

I hurriedly went to Mama who was busy with the triplets and she immediately went to get the master key. Nagmamadaling bumalik kami sa pinto ng kwarto ni Arthur. The key was interested and we were able to open the door. I slowly walked in, my heart beating faster than I’d want it to. 

There was no sign of Arthur in his room. We looked for him in every corner and crook of his room and bathroom but he was nowhere to be seen.

“ARTHUR! ARTHUR!” I called out but it was not answered. 

Dad was furious and Mama was just as worried as I was. I was on the verge of tears. 

Dad had the securities called out and we rewinded the CCTV footages from last night and at around midnight, Arthur was seen sneaking out of his room and out of the house with a backpack with him.

“Oh, God…” A sob escaped my throat. “We need to find him. Ma, Dad, we need to find my son. Baka kung ano na ang nangyari sa kanya.”

“We will…” Mama gently said. “We will, don’t worry.”

“Where did Kuya go?” Monty looked upset. 

“Did he run away?” Sid asked.

“I didn’t see him running in the video. He just walked.” Brad said.

“Boys, get ready. Tita Anais is going to take you to school today while we look for Kuya Arthur. She’ll be here any minute now.” Sabi ni Mama sa mga bata, trying to alleviate the situation.

Dad was already on his phone calling everyone he could, the village’s securties, our bodyguards, police, the search group. Anyone that could help us find him. My siblings immediately went over to our house and suddenly there were men in uniform in the house talking to Dad. I was just glad that Anais had taken the triplets to school with Cookie and Pixie. Having this much people and this tensed environment would just stress them out. 

I felt sick to my stomach the whole time, as though I wanted to vomit but couldn’t. My heart was beating a million miles a minute. I was restlessly pacing back and forth, maya-maya akong nagtatanong kung nakita na ba nila ang anak ko. 

“Audrey…” Franco came in, he was in his tailored suit. I assumed he was about to go to work or he was already at work when the news reached him. He cupped my face and looked at me. “What happened to Arthur?”

“Bigla na lang siyang nawala kaninang umaga.” A sob escaped my throat. “I don’t know where to find him. I don’t know what to do.”

“Don’t worry, mahahanap din natin siya. Everything will be okay.” He held me in his arms and kissed my forehead. “I’m sure they’re doing their best.”

“Kasalanan ko ito, eh.” Naiiyak na sabi ko.

“No, it’s not your fault. It’s nobody’s fault.” He tried to console me.

“Franco, he doesn’t want us to be together kaya siya naglayas.” I explained.

Franco’s face fell, his eyes with gentle guilt. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry. Siguro nabigla lang ang bata. We should’ve taken it slow with them. I’m sorry dahil nagpilit akong makilala agad sila.”

“Ako ang may kasalanan. I should’ve known better.” More sob.

“It will be okay. He will be okay.” He tried to reassure me.

“Drey, may footages na tayo galing sa CCTV sa labas. You have to come see this!” Kuya Migs said. 

Agad naman akong sumunod sa kanya. Arthur was caught in the video, he was walking alone on the sidewalk and then another minute had passed by when a man started following him. He kept a good distance, hiding when Arthur would turn his head. He could feel he was being followed. My whole body grew cold when I saw who that man was, as though a cold water was poured over me.

It was Soren. Arthur began to run and he no longer cared about being seen and started coming after him. And he caught him soon after, holding him by the back of his shirt and Arthur tried to struggle free. Malaking tao si Soren, he didn’t stand a chance. 

I was even more anxious now. What if he does something to my son? What if he kidnaps my son? What if he was so upset with me firing him that he takes it out on Arthur? Paano kung gantihan niya ako sa pamamagitan ni Arthur? If he had good intention, my son would’ve been here by now.  

“Dad, Ma, we need to get Arthur. I want my son back.” Tears were sliding down my cheeks in an endless stream.

“Mahahanap din natin si Arthur. Nothing bad will happen to him.” There was a strong promise in Dad’s voice as he pulled me into his arms. “We found him then and we will find him again.”

“Audrey, maibabalik ng maayos si Arthur. He’ll be with us before the day ends.” Mama hugged me too. 

“Paano kung may  gawing masama sa kanya si Soren?” The mere thought of it made my heart stop for a second. “I don’t know what I’d do if something bad happens to my son”

“No, don’t think that. He’ll be alright.” Mama said in a gentle tone. 

Not half an hour had passed when we heard a commotion outside. Lalong lumakas ang kabog ng dibdib ko, my heart was beating so fast with fear and anxiety it was almost as though I was on the verge of a heart attack. I would lose it if something bad were to happen to my son. I swore to God, I would not be able to take it.

“Nandito na po ang anak niyo.” A man in a police uniform told me. 

Nagmamadaling lumabas ako ng bahay and there he was standing next to Soren. My view tunneled to my son and only to him. It was as if everything around us were a blur. Niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit at naiyak ako sa sobrang tuwa. I could feel every worry I had in my body leave with each breath. 

“Arthur, are you okay? Where have you been?” Naiiyak na sabi ko, ikinulong ko ang mukha niya sa mga palad ko. “Don’t do that again. It would kill me if something bad happens to you.”

“You son of a bitch!” I heard Franco’s voice and then the sound his fist made when it came in contact with Soren’s jaw. “Ano’ng gagawin mo sa bata, ha?”

“Sir, wala ho.” Soren said as he was sitting on the ground with his hand on his bruised jaw. Although Franco was tall and lean and muscular, Soren was taller and well-built. He could easily take down Franco but he just sat there like a helpless puppy. 

“Ano’ng wala? Kung ikaw hindi ka gago, ibabalik mo agad ang bata!” Franco was ready to pounce at him again.

“Don’t hurt him! He didn’t do anything to me!” Arthur pushed Franco. 

“Arthur…” I tried to hold him but he backed away.

“I didn’t want to go home! He didn’t do anything bad to me! He tried to take me home but I said I’d run again if he did! Sinamahan niya lang naman ako!” Arthur screamed and then looked at me and then his eyes went to Franco and back to me again. “Now that you have him, paano na ako?”

“Arthur…” His questions took me aback.

“Hindi mo na ako mahal.”

“No. That’s not true.” I shook my head. I tried to hug him but he blocked it away. “I’ll always love you! I’ll love you til my last breath.”

“You’re lying!” Tears began to spill from his eyes. “You won’t love me anymore! You’re going to leave me like you did before!”

“I would never..” Sunod-sunod akong umiling. 

“You only loved me because of Dr. Daddy! I remember everything! You hated me before! You didn’t want me!” He lashed out. 

It shocked me. I was speechless as my heart sunk. I never thought he would remember about it. He was so young at that time. I thought time had erased those memories. He never spoke or asked about it until now. It was bubbling up inside him and had finally found its way out. 

“Sana nandito na lang ang Dr. Daddy ko! He’s the only one who loves me!” Humihikbing sabi niya. 

“No, baby…” I cried, I tried to grab him but he wouldn’t let me. Nagpupumiglas siya sa hawak ko at tumakbo papasok ng bahay.

Chapter Five

“Arthur…” I combed my fingers through his thick, dark hair. He was on his bed, laying on his stomach with head buried into his pillow. 

“Leave me alone.” He said in a muffled sob. 

I took in a deep breath in an attempt to hold my tears but it did nothing. I could already feel hot streams of tears running down my cheeks. It had been so many years… akala ko nakalimot na siya. God, how I wanted him to forget all those. I had tried so hard to erase those memories and replace it with happy ones. Kung may kakayahan lang akong ibalik ang oras at ibigay sa kanya ang pagmamahal na dapat naramdaman niya noon pa lang, gagawin ko.

“Baby, I’m so sorry,” hindi ko na napigilan ang hikbing kumawala sa bibig ko. “Mahal na mahal kita, Art. Even back then when we weren’t together, I kept you in my heart. Marami akong gustong ipaliwanag sa’yo pero hindi ko alam kung paano sisimulan.”

I felt a gripping pain in my chest. There were just sobs- dry choking sounds coming from me as my whole body heaved. He paused and slowly turned his face to my direction. He wiped his tears off his cheeks with his arm and then sat next to me.

“M-mom…” there was gentle quietness in his tone.

“I-I’m sorry…” humihikbing sabi ko.

“Why did you not like me back then?” his tone now calmer. He did not sound angry, there was just sadness. Lalong piniga ang puso ko sa tono ng boses niya. I would’ve understood kung magalit siya sa akin, I deserved it. But Arthur was not like that.

Hinawakan ko siya sa magkabilang pisngi. I looked him straight in the eyes as my vision became blurry with a surge of tears. They say a person’s eyes are the only thing that don’t change as they age. My son’s were the most mesmerizing eyes I had seen in my life.

“You know, the first time I saw you… you were just a tiny little baby back, I was in awe. Your eyes stood out the most out of all the babies in the nursery. You were beautiful.” I had to smile despite the tears. The nurse was wheeling me around the hospital when we passed by the nursery. I asked her to stop for awhile and my eyes searched him even if I didn’t want to, it was like they had minds of their own. There he was, wrapped in a blue blanket, in his little bassinet. Arthur Cordova, it says on the little card. He opened his eyes and I couldn’t help but take a sharp breath in. They were dark as dark. It stood out in contrast with his peach skin. They were the first thing you would notice, he was the first one you would notice in the nursery. 

And it scared me how I felt at that time. I was not supposed to feel that way for my abuser’s baby. I was disgusted with myself. From then on, hindi ko na siya ginustong makita. I had trained myself to stay as far away from him as possible. I could never love him, I thought to myself at that time. I should never love him…

“Things were complicated at that time. But I did love you, I have always loved you even when things were hard for me. I know things were hard for you too and I’m sorry. Madami akong gustong ipaliwanag sa’yo, Arthur, marami akong gustong malaman mo pero hindi pa ngayon. I just want you to know that I loved you even back then and I love you even more now.” I gently stroked his hair. “I love you so much, son. So much it hurts.”

“I love you too, Mom.” he wrapped his arms around me. And I took him into my arms. 

Kahit wala siya sa tabi ko noon, palagi siyang sumasagi sa isip. Tuwing mapapadaan ako sa kids’ section o kaya’y may makikita akong laruan na panglalaki, siya ang una kong naiisip. Kung anu-anong tanong ang pumapasok noon sa isip ko, kung ano’ng klaseng mga laruan ang gusto niya, kung anu-anong damit ang sinusuot niya, kung ano ang size ng sapatos niya. The things I give to Cookie were the things I wanted to give to him. Like that life size car for Cookie’s graduation, I pictured him riding the car too. I knew Cookie would share it with him kaya iyon ang binili ko. 

“Will you forgive Mommy?” I asked him.

He slowly nodded his head and looked up to me, “I will always forgive you, Mom.”

Lalong humigpit ang yakap ko sa kanya at napaluha lalo ako. He was such a good boy, my son. Nothing like him .

“Now, don’t you ever run away from me like that, young man. Hindi ko makakaya kapag nawala ka o may masamang nangyari sa’yo.” sabi ko sa kanya. It was not in a scolding tone but it was full of affection instead.

“Never again, Mom. I’ll always be here to protect you and my brothers. I promise, yun ang pinromise ko kay Doctor daddy.” sabi nito.

“Oh, Art…” iyon na lang ang nabigkas ko. My heart was full with love and content. 

Mama cooked a special dinner for all of us, sort of like a small celebration for Arthur. Dahil nauwi siya nang maayos sa amin at walang masamang nangyari sa kanya. Everyone just felt relieved to have him back and I never wasted a time to make him feel loved. He would never feel again what I had made him feel before. 

“Art, I have something I want to give you…” I said, taking out an envelope from my pocket after we’d had our meal and then I handed it over to him.

He took it from my hand and with brows furrowed with curiosity, he opened the envelope to see what was inside it. Agad nanlaki ang mga mata niya nang makita ang laman nun at napaawang ang bibig.

“No way!” he blurted out and then with an excited smile, he looked at me. “Mom, do you really mean this?”

“Of course. Bibigay ko ba sa’yo yan kung hindi?” I chuckled.

“You’re going to let me go to the music festival?” parang hindi makapaniwalang tanong nito.

“Yes, you’re allowed to go to the music festival.” I answered and started stroking his hair, “Just promise me one thing…”

“ANYTHING, Mom!” 

I playfully tapped his nose. “Never run away from me again.”

“I promise!” he even held up his right hand.

“And also be a good boy, okay?” I twirled a strand of his dark hair around my finger. 

“I promise.” he raised his hand.

“Can we go with Kuya?” Monty asked. 

“I want to go to the music festival!” sumabay din si Sid.

“I want to go to so I can watch Chuck E. Cheese’s band sing!” Brad excitedly said.

“Chuck E. Cheese isn’t going to be there, that’s just for kids! It’s just going to be real musicians!” Arthur rolled his eyes in annoyance.

“Then that music festival will suck. Chuck E. Cheese is like the best band ever!” Brad growled at the end of his sentence and lifted both of his fist up.

“You’re taste in music suck.” Arthur puffed a breath.

“Oh, we got a music snob here already.” Mama couldn’t help a giggle as she looked at my son fondly. “Our little Art is growing up too fast.”

“Oh, can you all promise that there will be no bodyguard?” he looked at Mama, Dad, and finally his eyes went to me.

Arthur was at that age when he would get embarrassed whenever there’s a bodyguard standing near us. He didn’t like it at all and he would stay as far from us as possible whenever we had to bring one along with us. He thought it was ‘weird’ and ‘not normal’. To him, it was akin to having a very buff babysitter and he complained that his friends would often tease him about it.

“But-” I opened my mouth but before I could continue to my second word he let out a groan.

“Mom, they’re going to make fun of me again!” ibinagsak niya ang ulo sa edge ng mesa. “It’s worse than not being at the music festival!” 

“Who’s going to look out for you?” I asked.

“My friend’s older brother is going to be there, he’s a guitarist in one of the band and he’s really cool! I don’t want to be an embarrassment!”

“Art, honey, you know it won’t be safe to let you go on your own.”

He looked at me, desperation in his eyes, “It’ll be safe, I promise. We’re going to have our own space. Just for us. Kind of like a VIP area.”

I just stared at him for a few seconds, undecided. Until I let my body droop against the back of my seat and closed my eyes tightly. I calmed myself down, let out a deep breath in and a deep breath out before I opened my eyes again, “Fine. No bodyguards but promise you won’t do anything I won’t like.”

“Yes, I promise!” he jumped out of his seat and hugged me, “Thanks, Mom! You’re the best!”

I looked at Mama and Dad for approval. Mama smiled at me as if telling me that I was handling my parenting just right and Dad just shook his head with a scowl on his face as if judging me. I shrugged my shoulders at Dad as my way of telling him that I had no choice. 

After a long battle with myself of whether to go to him or not, I finally decided that I should. He accompanied my son when he tried to run away from home and took him back. I thought I needed to check up on him after he’d been hurt by Franco. Franco did apologize to me over the phone for how he’d acted, na dala lang daw siya sa sitwasyon. And I had some apologizing to do too. I had cook sopas because my kids like it and thought I should bring him some, too.

“Ate Melba,” I smiled at the lady after she had opened the door for me. 

“Ay, Ma’am Audrey,” she looked at me surprised and opened the door to the servant’s quarters a little wider. All our helps reside in a bungalow house where they had their own rooms, a living space, a kitchen, basically like a small house of their own.

“Hello, magandang umaga po. Nandyan ba si Tarzan?” I asked.

“Po?” tumaas ang dalawang kilay niya na tila di naiintindihan ang sinabi ko. 

I shook my head, embarrassed. I had compeletely forgotten na ang mga anak ko pala ang nagbigay sa kanya ng pangalan na iyon. “I mean si Soren pala.”

“Ah, si Soren po ba?” her face contorted with awkwardness, “Ma’am Audrey pasensya na kayo sa batang iyon, ah. Hindi naman niya sinasadya kadalasan ang mga ginagawa niya pero talagang gano’n lang siya. Hayaan niyo, aalis na naman siya ngayon araw. Sobrang nahihiya ak-”

“Aalis siya?” 

“Opo, di ba aalis naman na talaga siya dapat. Na delay lang dahil sa nangyari kahapon, mahilo-hilo pa kasi sa suntok,” kwento ni Melba. 

I felt a wave of concern. He could’ve had a head concussion, he was hit real bad. I had seen in Franco’s social media accounts that he practices Martial Arts. We’d be responsible if anything bad happens to him. He’d saved my son and this was how we’d repay him.

“Okay lang ba siya?” I asked, worried.

“Okay naman na po siya, Ma’am Audrey. Naka-ready na ang mga gamit niya, mamaya ihahatid na lang namin sa terminal.”

“Pwede bang makausap ko siya?” 

“Ay, teka sandali. Pasok kayo, Ma’am, tatawagin ko lang ang batang iyon,” she invited me in and I obliged. I walked into their living room and she’d turn on the TV for me, “Nood po muna kayo, Ma’am.”

“Salamat,” I gave her a faint smile as I sat on the couch in front of the TV, with the food container still in my hand.

“Soren,” I heard Ate Melba calling out his name as she knocked on one of the doors in the far left corner. 

Bumukas ang pinto at dumungaw si Soren, he had a dark, swollen mark on his jaw and I immediately felt bad for him. 

“Bakit, tiya?” he asked, scratching the back of his headin annoyance as he stepped out of the room. He was topless and had on a pair of red jersey shorts. My eyes caught a glimpse of his toned, tanned body. He was muscular but not the kind that looked like he’d been working out in the gym for hours, the natural kind. “Nag-aayos ako ng gamit. Iiwan ko na din lahat ng binigay ni Ma’am Cassie baka magalit pa yung mataray niyang an-”

“Shh!” siniko siya ni Ate Melba bago tumingin ang babae sa akin. Sinundan niya ang tiningin nito at na gawi sa akin. His spine straightened in surprise when he saw me. “Ma’am Drey.”

I stood up from the couch and arched a brow at him, my lips pursing. Then I cleared my throat and asked in a monotone, “How are you?” 

“Okay naman, Ma’am.” sagot niyang nang makabawi sa pagkagulat. 

“I spoke with Franco, he wants to send his apologies to you. Nabigla lang daw siya.” I told him as I walked to where he was standing, “And also, I brought you food.”

“Salamat, Ma’am.” Napangiti ito nang magbaba ng tingin sa container na inaabot ko sa kanya at kinuha ito, “Ayos, sopas. Luto niyo po ba ’to? Mukhang masarap.”

“No.” Mabilis na sagot ko. I didn’t know why I had to be defensive about having to cook for him but it just felt weird to me kung sasabihin ko na ako ang nagluto, “Natira lang kanina kaya naisipan kong dalhan ka.”

“Ah, ganon po ba. Salamat na din. Kainin ko na lang ’to sa bus mamaya. Okay lang ba na dalhin ko itong tupperware baka magalit ka.” he chuckled.

Agad umarko ang kilay ko, “You can keep it.”

“Huy, Soren! Mag t-shirt ka nga, nakakahiya kay Ma’am Drey!” binato siya nang t-shirt ni Ate Melba na hindi ko namalayan na pumasok na pala ito sa kwarto ng lalaki.

“Ay, pasensya na, Ma’am.” he unrolled the shirt and put it on. 

“Labas na muna ako, Ma’am Drey. Baka kailangan na ako.” Paalam ni Melba sa akin at tumango naman ako sa kanya. Pagkatapos ay tumingin ito kay Soren at pinandilatan siya nang ginang bago umalis.

“Ma’am, kumusta na si sir Arthur?” he asked.

“Nakapag-usap na kami. He’s fine now.” I answered.

“Buti naman kung ganon. Alam niyo iyak ng iyak nga yung bata nang maabutan ko siya. Pinipilit ko nga siyang umuwi pero ayaw niya nung una. Yun, kumain na lang kami sa Mcdo, nilibre niya nga ako Ma’am tapos doon niya napagtanto na wala na nagastos niya na yung pera niya at napilitan siya umuwi.” natatawang napailing ang binata. 

I couldn’t help a chuckle myself and then I looked him straight in the eye, “Thank you.”

“Welcome, Ma’am.” nakangiting sagot niya, “Alam niyo mabait na bata yan si sir Arthur. Paramdam niyo lang po siguro na mahal niyo siya. Mahal na mahal din po kasi kayo ng anak niyo.”

“I do love him.” 

“Sana all.” agad na sabi niya.

My brow arched again, “Excuse me?”

Nahihiyang napangiti ito, “Sana all may magulang na nagmamahal sa kanila.”

I nodded my head. Muling dumapo ang tingin ko sa pasa sa mukha niya at wala sa sariling napahawak ako doon. He flinched away from my touch.

“Aray!”

“Sorry.” I bit my lower lip as I pulled my hand back. 

“Ay, okay lang, Ma’am,” he pulled my hand back and gently put it to his face. He felt so warm and  solid. It was so overwhelming and engulfing.

“You’re crazy,” I uttered as I pulled my hands away from him, “I just went here to check on you at gusto din sana kita ipa-check sa doktor. Maybe have a few tests done to to make sure walang serious problem,”

“Ma’am, okay na po ako,” he said with an assuring smile, “Mas malala pa nga yung mga natatamo ko kapag napapaaway ako du’n sa barrio namin. Galos lang ito, wala ’to.”

“No, I insist. Franco and I insist. We want to make sure you’re okay,” ani ko.

“Okay na okay na po ako, Ma’am, wala kayong dapat ipag-alala. Makapal po ang bungo ko,” he chuckled. “Isa pa, uuwi na din ako sa amin mamaya.”

“I want you to stay,” I said. “Nagpunta din ako dito para sabihin sa’yo huwag ka nang umalis. I want you to keep your job.”

He just stared at me and blinked. Then he crossed his arms over his chest and looked away, as if thinking.

“If… if that’s okay with you,” I started playing with my hands, feeling slightly humiliated that I was asking him to keep his job when in the first place I was the one who fired him, “Kung hindi naman, okay lang din. Willing naman ako mag-compensate na lang-”

“Mag-iistay ako, Ma’am, pero…” he trailed off.

Muling umarko ang kilay ko. Bakit may pero? 

Who does he think he is?

I bit my tongue before I could run my mouth off again which could possibly lead to another fight with him. I had to remind myself that this man right in front of me saved my son. Did he actually think he’d be doing me a favor if he stays?

I looked at him with a frown, trying to keep my mouth shut.

“Pero bawasan niyo na po ang pagsimangot. Mag-smile naman kayo,” he put his fingers to the corner of my mouth and tried to lift them up into a smile,“

“Don’t touch me!” I swatted his hand away from me.

“Yan na naman kayo, Ma’am, nagmamaldita ka na naman,” he shook his head, “Ang akin lang kung gusto mo kong mag-stay sana wag mo na ko simangutan at malditahan. Sayang naman ang ganda niyo kung palagi kayong nakasimangot,”

I didn’t know why but what he’d said sent heat to my cheeks, “Don’t tell me what to do. Bakit hindi ka rin kaya tumigil sa pangbubuwisit para di ka minamalditahan?”

“Wala naman akong ginagawa, Ma’am,” napakamot siya sa ulo.

“Ewan ko sa’yo. I have to go now!” Inis na sabi ko at tumalikod na ako sa kanya at naglakad palabas. I was at the door when I stopped and turned to face him, staring at him dead in the eyes. “And no, you can’t keep my container! Kung dadalhin mo yan sa probinsya mo, ipa-courier mo pabalik dito!”

I knew it was petty but I just had to get back at him.