Between The Rainbow

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. 

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author.

Disclaimer:

I always wanted to explore this genre, which is GL and BL. I tried writing these kinds of stories in the past, as you remember my character Tyrone, who was gay and turned straight. This time, I want to write more about LGBTQ, and I am also open to your constructive criticism that could help me improve myself more for these types of stories.

Also, this book doesn’t fully discussed the right way of prep, has typo-grammatical errors, and has misleading emphasis of gender and sexuality, which I will later on edit out once I have free time to do so. Enjoy reading!

Thank you!

Prologue

Ironic

“Come on, Brent…” Her slurry voice was very tempting.

Mainit ang hagod ng mga daliri niya nang haplusin niya ang braso ko habang nakaupo ako sa harap ng counter.

And when our eyes met in the dim Bar, I could feel myself getting lost in the heat and the alcohol that consumed me.

I sipped on my last shot and stood. I was too excited, coz probably, I haven’t gotten laid for a week because of shit in school. At ito rin naman ang sadya ko ngayong gabi, which is to find someone for a steamy night.

“My place is just around the corner,” I whispered, and grabbed her small waist.

And when I said my place was just nearby, I really meant it. The next thing we knew, we were already slipping into my condo unit as I aggressively pinned her on the wall and kissed her neck.

“Brent…” she whimpered.

My hand was already slipping into her tight dress, and when I rubbed her, my heat tripled.

“Fuck…” I cursed breathily.

“Take this off…” she moaned.

Hinila ko sa likuran ang aking t-shirt at itinapon iyon sa sahig. Kinarga ko siya na agarang ikinapulupot ng kanyang mga binti sa aking baywang.

I kissed her thoroughly as I shoved my tongue in and pressed myself in between her moist legs, seeing how turned on she was.

Binuksan ko ang pintong naabutan ko, lalo na’t sa init ng katawan, kahit siguro sa banyo iyon, ay papatulan ko na.

Luckily, it was a room. I put her on the bed and hovered over her as I kissed her more. Kahit ang patayin ang ilaw, hindi ko na nagawa pa. Ibinaling niya ang kanyang ulo sa kung saan habang dumadaing kaya bumaba ang halik ko habang ang aking kamay ay muling hinagod ng haplos ang gitna ng kanyang hita.

“Brent!” bigla niyang tili.

I haven’t put it in yet, but I didn’t know she’s that screamer in bed.

“Hmm… you like it?” I teased.

“No! What the fuck, Brent! May tao!” she screamed and pointed somewhere.

Lumingon ako roon at halos magulat nang makitang meron nga. I pulled myself out on top of her and cursed.

“Holy…fuck…” I groaned. “Sino ka?!”

The man standing with a toothbrush in his hand was too stunned.

“Shiloh…” he said with hostility in his eyes.

Shiloh the fuck who?

“Kaibigan ni Mama ang Mommy mo,” he explained carefully as he looked so flushed.

I slowly calmed down when I remembered my Mom’s text earlier. May pupunta raw dito na anak ni Tita Solene. Which I didn’t mind since I thought that he wouldn’t come anymore.

Mariin akong pumikit, tumingala, at namaywang. I groaned when he disturbed us.

“Go home,” sabi ko.

Noong dumilat ako, kita ko ang gulat sa kanyang mga mata. He looked worried and offended. I glanced at the woman sitting on the bed, who looked so puzzled.

“Go home,” ulit ko, tinutukoy ang babae.

Halos umirap siya at tumayo habang ramdam ko ang pagkadismaya niya. She fixed her dress while I licked my lower lip as I watched her body. Damn… Her rack was such a snack.

Bumaling akong muli sa lalake na medyo kumalma. I tilted my head and watched him carefully. Compared to his body, I looked more bulky. Matangkad din ako sa kanya. He’s probably around five feet seven, or five feet eight? Short enough for the height of the boys, especially if he stood next to me, who’s a six-footer.

Marahas ang pagkakasara ng pinto. My lips twisted when I realized the woman was mad. Hinaplos niya ang kanyang batok.

“Sorry… Hindi ko alam na…” He sighed.

I tilted my head more as I watched him explain while his cheeks were so red. Naglakad ako patungo sa kanya sa kyuryusidad.

“College?” I asked.

Tumango siya at halos umatras. Napasandal siya sa pader. I scoffed because I found his gestures funny.

Not to mention that his features were soft and angelic as well. He’s paper white. Namumula ang mga pisngi na hindi ko alam kung natural ba o dahil sa nasaksihan niya kanina, at medyo mahaba ang pilik mata kaya bumagay sa hugis ng kanyang mga mata.

I put my hand above his head and crouched a bit so our faces would level out as I cupped his cheek.

“What are you? A man or a woman? You seemed like a pretty… boy,” I said in a slurry voice when I examined him carefully.

“B-Bakit? Kailangan ba kasingsiga mo lagi pag lalake?” he stated in a snobbish way.

I scoffed as my lips stretched for a smile. Yumuko ako at inamoy siya dahil sa tamis na namagitan sa amin. I saw how his Adam apple moved like a wave when he swallowed hard.

“Smells like strawberries. Are you sure you’re a man? Should I check?” I raised my brow and smiled at him playfully.

Mas lalo siyang namula ay marahas akong itinulak.

“Gago. Lumayo ka sa akin.” His soft voice was not too manly for him.

Medyo napaatras ako ngunit hindi maalis ang titig sa kanya. Sure, I have encountered a lot of boys around me, mostly bulky types of boys on my basketball team. Some were those skinny boys that don’t really gym, or maybe they’re just born with that type of body.

But I never encountered a boy… that seems so soft and… sexy? This could be a woman who just cut his hair so he would look like a woman?

I cupped his face again as I move it from left to right. His pinkish lips squish like a goldfish, almost matching the color of his rosy cheeks and nose. I rubbed his lower lip with my thumb too. It’s natural. It just looked wet, like he was wearing lipstick or something, but I realized it was really natural.

“Lalake nga ako!” giit niya at muli akong itinulak. “Hindi naman lahat ng lalake kailangang mukhang lalakeng lalake!”

Humalukipkip ako. Well… he’s right. Knowing his flat chest and his… Adam’s apple; he’s a boy. Which I don’t really mind. Talagang nakakakuryoso lang ang itsura niya.

Namulsa ako at bumuntonghininga nang mapagtantong hindi ko nakuha ang gusto ngayong gabi. Naiiling kong pinasadahan ng haplos ang aking buhok at kinapa ang pakete ng sigarilyo sa aking bulsa.

He watched my movements. Kumuha ako ng isang sigarilyo at inilagay sa pagitan ng labi ko.

“Do you smoke?” I offered some of my stick.

Umiling siya. I smirked, took the lighter out of my pocket, and lit my cigarette. Pinanood niya akong hithitin iyon. Gumawa iyon ng usok na ikinaubo niya. I rolled my eyes and laughed.

“So cute for a boy,” iling ko at tumalikod din. “We’ll talk about this tomorrow morning…” sabi ko at naglakad na paalis ng kuwarto niya.

I blew the smoke with furrowed brows and pulled my phone out of my pocket. Nagtipa ako ng mensahe kay Mommy.

Ako:

Mom? Thought it was a girl?

Ako:

Coz a boy just came over here. Is this true?

Tiningnan ko ang oras at pasado alas dos na pala. I groaned and caressed my disheveled hair. I am not used to having roommates. Sa tagal kong mag-isa, nasanay na akong ganoon ang set-up.

I have anger issues, and having a roommate that doesn’t match my vibe would only cause problems.

“Fuck,” I groaned brutally early in the morning with my throbbing head as I pulled the fridge roughly and searched for a damn bottle.

Kinuha ko iyon at binuksan habang may naaamoy akong nagluluto sa kusina.

I gulped the cold water down to ease my thirst. Nakikita ko ang nakatayo sa harap ng kitchen sink at mukhang may kung anong piniprito.

Noong lumingon siya, medyo nagulat. I slowly remembered the incident last night, especially when I saw his face again.

Isinabit ko ang itim na t-shirt sa aking balikat at naglakad patungo sa kanya. I stood beside him, who was just on my shoulders, and looked at the food he was cooking.

“Marunong kang magluto?” tanong ko habang may hawak siyang spatula.

He nodded and avoided my gaze. His disheveled hair told me that he had just woken up too. I looked at our skin and saw the difference. I am tan, and he’s paper white. He’s probably half?

Inilapag ko ang tumbler sa sink saka tinalikuran iyon at namulsang sumandal sa sink.

“Ano bang sabi ni Mommy?” tanong ko habang nakikita ko nang maigi ang blangko niyang ekspresyon.

“Na… pwede raw ako rito hanggang matapod ang semester,” he answered flatly.

I scratched my back. Napatingin siya saglit sa dibdib ko, ngunit binawi rin. I raised my brow and looked at the food he was frying.

“We need to set some rules here if you’re gonna stay for a while,” I said, crossing my arms.

Tumango siya at pinatay ang stove. Itinuro niya ang nakahelerang plato sa likuran.

“Pakuha ako ng…”

I raised my brow more and tilted my head, coaxing him to do it instead. He sighed and stepped forward. Nanatili ako roon, habang nakatayo na siya sa harap ko at inabot iyon.

I got a view of his deep collarbone. The thin gold necklace he’s wearing suits his pale skin. Sa kibot ng pula niyang labi, at sa bilis na pamumula ng pisngi niya, talagang ang lambot niya tingnan.

He leaned closer and cleared his throat. I glanced to the side to see what he was trying to reach. He’s now tiptoeing, and the smell of strawberries lingered on my nose again.

I smiled at myself just to confirm if it wasn’t coming from me. Baka sa perfume din ng babae kagabi at dumikit lang sa akin.

Ngunit hindi. It’s coming from him. He smells like citrus. But more on strawberry, to be exact.

“Are you gay?” Hindi ko na napigilang itanong iyon.

His eyes widened. He looked flushed and offended at the same time.

“You smell like strawberries. A girl’s perfume.”

“Sino bang nagsabi na para lang sa babae ang ganoong perfume?” aniya sa iritadong tinig.

Nag-isip isip ako. It’s a good question. “I dunno. Maybe because it’s sweet? And girls are more fond of it?”

“Kung magugustuhan mo ang strawberry, bakla kana ba, ganoon?” tanong niya, irita pa rin at namumula ang mga pisngi.

I raised my brow.

“Nakakain kana ba ng strawberry?” he asked bluntly, his eyes were now daggers.

I laughed coz it’s funny. Ngunit hindi nagbago ang ekspresyon niya. Tumikhim ako at umiling.

“I’m not fond of it, so no. I haven’t tried it yet.”

“Kung nanigarilyo ba ang babae, lalake na? Lalo na’t puro lalake ang naninigarilyo.”

“I know girls who smoke too,” I shrugged.

“At lalake na?” He looked at me like a kitten ready to claw my face.

“Hindi naman,” sabi ko nang unti-unting mapagtanto ang gusto niyang iparating.

“Gano’n ’yon. May mga bagay na hindi kailangan ng kasarian para lang malaya itong magamit.”

Ngumuso ako. He’s really making a big deal out of it with that annoyed face of his.

“I get your logic. I’m not just used to boys who’s…” I eyed him from head to foot. “Prettier than a woman.”

Kita ko ang gulat at pamumula niyang lalo. Hindi ko alam kung naoffend ba siya, o sanay na siya sa ganoong compliment dahil mukhang hindi iyon ang unang beses na narinig niya iyon.

“But you’re a boy?” I tried to confirm.

Tumango siya, irita na ulit ang tingin sa akin. I chuckled and put my muscular arm around his thin shoulder.

“Say… let’s hit the gym today? Maybe you just need to lift some barbells?”

“Bakit? Ano bang problema sa katawan ko? Wala naman ah?”

Oh… alright. Itinulak niya akong muli, irita na naman. I raised my hands and played my tongue in my mouth as I laughed a bit. Nailing siya at naglakad na sa lamesa dala ang platong kinuha niya.

“I’m sorry, I thought you’d like the gym…”

Hindi siya umimik at padarag na hinila ang upuan. Naglakad ako at itinuko ang isang kamay sa kanyang upuan, at ang isa naman ay itinuko sa lamesa habang tinitingnan ko siyang nakaupo na.

“So… what’s your hobby? Salon? And spa?” I laughed, teasing him.

Umangat ang tingin niya sa akin, galit ang titig. I raised my hand and laughed defeatedly.

“Let’s hit the gym today. You need a warm-up,” sabi ko habang hinihila na ang upuan sa tabi niya.

“Ayoko nga mag gym!” he barked.

“Man… you are such a pain in the ass. Kung ayaw mong maggym, then just come with me. I just need a gym buddy.”

“Bakit ba gusto mo akong isama?” iritado niyang tanong. “Kung gusto mong mag-gym kasi nakukulangan ka katawan mo, edi mag gym ka! Pero ayos na ’tong katawan ko!”

This boy just looked angelic but has Satan’s temper. How ironic for someone who smells like strawberries…

Chapter 1

Burned

Sinagot ko ang bumalandrang FaceTime ni Mommy. Kakapasok ko lang sa kuwarto at kakaligo lang din. I placed my duffel bag on the bed as I put some of the things I needed for my gym today.

“Where is he? Be good to him, Brent. I hope you watch over him since you’re older than him,” agarang lintanya ni Mommy.

Watch over him, huh? Am I a what? A babysitter for that… boy?

Umangat lamang ang aking mga kilay. “Yup. And guess what? We’ll bond today. We’re hitting the gym.” I said just to give a nice impression that I am not being a bad influence.

Sumilay agad ang ngiti sa kanyang labi.

“That’s good! Kung nalaman ko kay Shiloh na maayos ang pakikitungo mo, I’ll increase your allowance.”

Oh shoot. That’s all I needed.

“Mom. I am the most sociable in school. Malaki ang circles ko. Leave him to me; in no time, he would tell you a lot of good things about our bonds.”

“Thank you, Brent! I hope you could help him start over for in new environment. Baka manibago siya. It’s better if you will guide him at least.”

Tumango ako at ipinasok ang towel sa duffel bag. Nagpatuloy sa kakasalita si Mommy habang hinihila ko ang t-shirt sa likuran at nagbihis ng plain black t-shirt.

“So please, just watch over him. He’s an introverted boy, just like what your Tita Solene said. Sabi ko naman, you are extroverted, and you might help him get along with the others…”

Tumango akong muli at hinila ang zipper pasara. I wore the strap slantly as its bag hung loosely at my back while I fixed my hair in the camera.

Ngumiti si Mommy habang pinapanood ako. Her sweater told me that it’s snowing outside.

“I gotta go, Brent. Please don’t even include him in your troubles with girls.” Halos maningkit ang mga mata ni Mommy sa akin.

I only laughed and waved my hand a bit to say goodbye. I slipped my phone into my pocket, took the car key off the bedside table, and went out of my room.

Wala na siya sa sala. Mukhang nagkulong na sa kuwarto. Luckily, my condo unit is big enough for him to have his personal space.

So… he’s an introvert, huh? Kaya ba ganoon ang kilos? It’s like he’s very reserved.

I stood at his door and knocked. “Hey shorty!”

Hindi siya sumagot kaya pinihit ko ang pinto at pumasok. Ang pagaspas ng tubig ang nagsabi sa akin na mukhang naliligo pa siya.

Namulsa akong naglakad sa kuwarto na guest room ko lamang. Mukhang nailagay niya na rin ang kanyang mga gamit.

Tumigil ako sa bedside table at kinuha ang frame na nakalapag. My brow raised when it was a young picture of him beside an old lady who was showing a basket of strawberries while he was grinning. His eyes almost disappeared the way he smiled.

“He looked like a happy puppy here…” I murmured.

Tiningnan ko ang isa pang frame. It was his high school friends, I guess. He’s surrounded by boys, and they’re all putting their arms into each other as they aligned and smiled.

That snob is friendly? O namimili?

Itinaob ko iyon at narinig ang pagkakabukas ng pinto ng banyo kasabay ng pagmumura niya. Nilingon ko siya at nakitang hawak na ang noo, mukhang nabagok pa ata sa pagkakagulat.

“You’re coming with me today, and you can’t say no.”

Namilog ang mga mata niya at nanatili pa sa siwang ng pinto. He was only wearing a cotton shorts as he hid himself on the door. Kumunot ang noo ko kung para saan iyon lalo na’t hindi niya naman kailangang itago ang meron din ako.

“Ayoko ngang mag gym!” giit niya at irita ang titig sa akin, ang magulong buhok ay tumutulo pa ang tubig sa maputing katawan niya.

I smiled innocently. “With your slim figure, I could drag your ass to the gym today. Whether you like it or not.”

He looked so pissed as his face turned bright red again. Umupo ako sa kama, pumangalumbaba sa aking hita at sinenyasan siyang magbihis na.

“Get your ass moving or I’ll damn carry you like a sack,” banta ko.

Sa huli, wala siyang nagawa kundi ang pumayag. I glanced at him while he was watching outside the window of the front seat.

“Mom wants me to look after you. She’s willing to increase my allowance, so I’ll do my best for that…” sabi ko at tumingin sa kalsada.

Hindi siya nagsalita at nanatili ang titig doon. I looked at my phone for a while when I received a call from Sadie.

“Mmm?” I answered boredly in the middle of the traffic.

“Where are you, Brent?!” her sexy voice boomed in my car.

Ibinaba ko ang salamin at inayos ang aking buhok.

“I’m on my way. By the way, I’m with someone—”

“Babae na naman?! Nandito si Rowena! She’s expecting you’d show up right now! Tapos may babae kang dadalhin?! Pinupuno mo ang gym ng mga babaeng ikaw lagi ang hinahanap! Nag-iiyakan pa minsan ang iba rito!”

“Chill, Sadie. It’s a boy. Jesus!” Halos ngumiwi ako.

“Oh… really? Ipakilala mo sa akin! You know my type of boys!” Agarang lumambot ang tinig niya. This girl… seriously.

“Mm… okay.”

Shiloh shifted his head and glanced at me with an annoyed expression. Pinatay ko ang tawag at kunot noong tumingin sa kanya.

“What? You don’t like girls too?” I chuckled as I started driving again.

Hindi siya umimik at dinala ulit ang tingin sa labas ng bintana.

“You know what? You need to learn how to socialize if you want to survive college,” sabi ko.

He didn’t answer. Nanatili ang titig sa labas ng bintana. I glanced at him again. When my mom said he’s an introvert, I never expected to be this… silent.

I parked my car outside the gym facilities, took my duffel bag out of the back seat, and wore the strap again on my shoulder. Tahimik siyang sumunod sa akin, nanatili sa aking likuran. Sa aking tindig, talagang matatabunan ko siya.

“Yo, Brent!” the boys immediately greeted me.

I smirked and bumped into their shoulders and gave some high fives to the other boys. Iginala ko ang tingin at agarang nakita si Rowena na nasa treadmill at napalingon sa akin.

I smiled and ran my fingers through my hair when I remembered I was not alone. Nilingon ko si Shiloh na tahimik na iginala ang tingin at hinaplos ang siko at bahagyang pag-atras.

Umangat ang aking kilay nang mapansin ang pagiging ilag niya. I tilted my head and saw how he tapped his finger continuously on the side of his leg as his expression remained unreadable.

I grabbed his arm and put him beside me. Inakbayan ko siya. He stiffened a bit.

“Cousin?” some of my friends asked.

“More on family friends… I mean, his mom is close to my mom. My roommate. He’s Shiloh,” pakilala ko.

The boys started greeting him. One of my friends handed his hand to Shiloh aggresively, but because my arm was just around his shoulder, I felt him flinch a bit.

“Andrew!” ang kaibigan kong kinuha ang kamay niya at kinamayan.

“Ah.. Shiloh,” he smiled a bit as he tried to shake each of their hands.

Tumatango siya at tipid na tinatanggap ang kamay ng iilan.

“Socialize.” I tapped his shoulder.

Naglakad na ako patungo kay Rowena at dinaanan ng haplos ang baywang niya nang makarating doon.

“Hey…” I called.

Tumigil siya sa pagt-treadmill at galit akong tiningnan. I gave her a warm smile.

“May nakakita sa’yo kagabi na may kasama ka raw na babae,” she barked.

Woah, chill there, woman. I can’t remember getting myself a girlfriend?

Ngunit hindi naman bago sa akin ang mga ganitong eksena. I was put on the spot all the time, but I would smoothly escape it.

“Ah… it’s probably that boy’s girl,” nguso ko kay Shiloh na tumingin na rin sa akin dito.

Her expression was still hard, so I grabbed her waist more and leaned closer as I brushed my lips against her lips.

“Calm down…” I whispered into her lips and laughed.

“Akala mo nakakatuwa, Brent!” halos iritado niya akong itinulak.

I licked my lower lip and squinted my eyes a bit. Man… Kaya nga ayoko sa girlfriend dahil sa ganitong drama.

“Okay.” I smiled and stood straight, losing my temper.

Medyo nataranta ang tingin niya. Hinawakan niya agad ang braso ko. I smirked sarcastically and looked away.

“Ikaw naman kasi! Hindi mo sinasagot ang tawag ko?!”

Coz I didn’t need a damn talk last night, Rowena. Binasa ko lamang ang aking labi at ayaw nang isatinig iyon. Where’s Sadie, by the way?

Lumingon ako sa kinaroroonan ni Shiloh. Nahanap ko agad si Sadie na nakatayo na sa kanyang harapan at manghang mangha. It seems like he’s Sadie’s type.

“I missed you, and you’re not answering my calls…” ang malambing at nagtatampong tinig ni Rowena.

I put my hand back on her waist and crouched a bit so I could claim her lips again. This time, she responded. There you go, Brent.

I shoved my tongue in her mouth, enough to find someone’s eyes looking at me, so I looked at where it was coming from and saw Shiloh’s unreadable expression watching us. I smirked against her lips and kissed her thoroughly. The boy might be curious how kissing works?

Coz if he’s an introvert, he probably doesn’t have any experience with women?

And just like that, Rowena’s mood lightened. I did some barbells while Sadie seemed to be enjoying Shiloh. Hinayaan ko sila roon habang seryoso akong nag gym.

And when he said he’s not into gyms at all, he really didn’t try any. Nakaupo lang at tahimik na nanonood sa mga nandito habang nakaupo sa gilid ng aking duffel bag.

Tumayo ako at hinaplos ang buhok kong medyo basa na ng pawis. I walked toward them while he was sitting on the bench, and Sadie seemed to be having fun talking to him.

“Bad influence ’yang si Brent! Ako sa’yo, huwag ka masyadong dumikit diyan at baka mahawa ka,” si Sadie na hindi ko alam kung nagbibiro ba o ano.

“What?” I raised my brow and crouched down beside Shiloh as I pulled the zipper open of my duffel bag.

Shiloh straightened his back and looked away.

“Mahiyain siya, Brent. Isama mo siya mamaya sa party nila Angela…”

I took my towel out and wiped the trickles of sweat on my forehead.

“Yup. I can’t leave him in my condo. Sagot ko ’yan…”

Sadie’s eyes sparkled. Nailing ako at napangisi habang hinihila sa likuran ang suot kong tight t-shirt.

“Ganyan ang type ko, Brent…” bulong ni Sadie na hinawakan pa ang aking mga braso para lang maibulong iyon.

I wiped my wet stomach with the towel and chuckled.

“He’s all yours then.”

“Tulungan mo ako! Parang ang hirap kausapin eh,” she whispered more as her lips were slightly brushing against my earlobe.

I nodded nonchalantly and took my tumbler out of my duffel bag. Hinayaan ko na lamang siyang manahimik doon.

“Brent… Patulong nga ako sa locker room,” ani Rowena.

I pressed my tongue against the side of my mouth as I stifled my smile since it wasn’t the first time we had done it.

It didn’t take that much time. Bukod doon, gutom na rin ako at ayoko namang mamatay sa gutom basta lang matugulan ang tawag ng laman. Isa pa, may kasama nga pala ako.

Rowena:

You can come over later din sa place ko?

Well, not tonight, baby. I have a new hot chic to take care of later. Hindi na ako nagreply pa at nagpaalam na sa mga kaibigan ko roon.

“Later, Brent,” ang mga boys.

We did some high fives and nodded. “Nine sharp.”

“Dalhin mo ’yan, Brent,” the other boys said, talking about Shiloh.

“Of course.”

Tahimik siyang sumunod ulit sa akin habang pabalik na kami sa parking lot. I was whistling while typing a reply to Trixie.

Trixie:

Sadie mentioned that you’re coming over later for the party?

Ako: Yup :D

Trixie:

Excited to see me?

I bit my lower lip and opened the driver’s seat.

Ako:

U don’t know how much I thought of you after that night Tricia

Oh fuck.

Trixie:

Tricia?

Halos huminga ako. I bit my lower lip. Malas. Walang lusot ang ganito, Brent. Who’s Tricia again? ’Yung taga La Salle ba ’yon?

Still, I tried to response.

Ako:

My bad. May auto-correct sa keyboard. Trixie of course ;)

Trixie:

Haha then your keyboard familiarized Tricia more than my name. Nice one playboy :)

I groaned and gripped my hair. Pumasok na rin si Shiloh sa front seat at napatingin sa leeg ko.

“Tang inang auto-correct, Brent.” Iling ko sa sarili.

Well, I know I can get her later in the party.  calmed down and didn’t reply anymore. I should pretend I’m busy…

Nagsimula rin akong magmaneho at hindi na iyon inalala pa.

“May pula kang marka,” he pointed out.

My brows knitted, and I curiously put the mirror down.

“Oh fuck,” I groaned. Rowena and her territorial ways!

Sa iritasyon ko, nagtipa ako ng mensahe para sa kanya.

Ako:

You’re not fair, Rowena. I said no hickeys allowed

I put my phone down and started driving. Nahulog pa iyon sa paanan.

“Oh shit. Can you get it?” sabi ko nang abala ang mga kamay sa manibela.

“Huh?” He looked confused.

“My phone. Nahulog sa paanan ko. Get it,” sabi ko at palingon lingon sa kanya.

His attempt to put the seatbelt on his body stopped. He leaned closer and bent a little just to reach for my phone. Naamoy ko agad ang pabango niya na strawberry. I laughed a bit.

Sinamaan niya ako ng tingin ngunit inabot ulit iyon. He was struggling to get it, so he placed his hand on my left leg unconsciously, which he immediately took back, as if he got burned touching it.

I scoffed and shook my head. Grabeng kaartehan ng lalakeng ’to. Dinaig pa si Sadie. He doesn’t like skinship too? Hmm…

Chapter 2

Taste

“Have you ever tried having a girlfriend?” tanong ko nang unti-unti na siyang umupo ng tuwid at tiningnan ang phone ko na inilahad niya na sa akin.

Hindi ko iyon kinuha at hinayaan muna iyong hawakan niya lalo na’t abala ang mga kamay ko. The screen lightened as he looked at it with furrowed brows.

“Hindi pa…” he answered flatly.

“Hmm, a damn virgin?” I smirked at him.

Itinaob niya ang phone ko at inilagay sa compartment sa harapan. I tilted my head to see his expression as my car stopped in the middle of the traffic.

“Loosen a bit. We’re guys here. I won’t snitch.” I laughed while glancing at him.

“Wala akong karanasan.” Sabay tingin niya sa labas ng bintana.

“Why? You seem like one of those pretty boys who’s popular with girls.” I tilted my head and saw he looked so flush again.

“Hmm… How old are you? Eighteen? Nineteen?” tanong kong muli nang hindi na siya sumagot pa since I can’t stand the silence.

“Nineteen,” he mumbled.

I hugged the steering wheel while I watched the lights reflect through the open window of my car, kissing his face.

Namamangha ako sa itsura niya. My features were dark and superior, making me look like a bad boy. And to see a boy who’s the opposite of me—soft, white, and gentle—is amusing.

“Dadalhin kita mamaya sa party ng kaibigan ko.”

“Sa condo lang ako,” he insisted.

“You are coming with me. Take it as your background to socialize before the semester starts again.”

He sighed aggresively as I saw how pissed he looked, which showed on his red cheek. He clenched his hands on the strap of his bag, as if he were controlling himself not to argue with me anymore.

I looked at the screen of my phone and read Rowena’s text.

Rowena:

What am I supposed to do when you’re so rough?

I rolled my eyes, but a smile crept on my lips. What am I supposed to say about this when Trixie points it out? Mosquito bites? May maniniwala pa bang babae sa akin kung ilang beses ko na ’yong ginawang rason? Buti at hindi ako nagkakadengue nito huh?

At may kasalanan pa ako sa isang ’yon. I mistook her for someone else. Bakit nga ba kasi magkakatunog ang pangalan ng mga babaeng ’to? Can’t their mother give them some unique names so boys won’t have these kinds of problems?

Dumaan muna kami sa convenience store. Tahimik na sumunod si Shiloh sa akin, kuryosong gumala ang tingin at mukhang bibili rin ng makakain.

“My treat. You choose anything,” sabi ko.

“May pera ako,” he said in a snobbish way, and walked to the other corner of the convenience store.

Umismid ako. Gagong ’to ah. Nakakaubos ng pasensya. I should invite him more to the gym with me so I could grab the opportunity to bend his bone for being so cold and distant.

Nagtungo ako sa mismong pakay ko. I took my usual brand of condoms, including my size. I ran out of stock this month. I needed this, or else I would have a lot of little mini-me next year in different girls.

Aside from that, I could guarantee that I’m clean but I can’t just act so careless knowing how active my sex life is.

Ang tagal niyang mamili kaya nilapitan ko siya. I put my hands on the side of the fridge so we would at least be level, and I tilted my head to see his confused expression.

“Marami ba ’yang gusto mo?” I asked curiously.

Napakurap siya at binuksan iyon. He was about to grab the strawberry-flavored ice cream when he realized that I was watching him, so his hand slowly took the magnum instead.

I laughed and grabbed two of the strawberry-flavored ice creams and took the magnum in his hand too.

Kuryoso niyang tiningnan ang kinuha ko. I raised my brow.

“I know this is your favorite. Nahihiya ka pa. I won’t tease you, alright?”

Mabilis niyang binuksan ang pitaka at humabol sa akin.

“Heto.” He handed the one hundred bill.

I only smiled, placed the orders, and handed over my card. Ibinaba niya ang kamay nang mapagtantong wala akong balak kunin ang pera niya. Kinuha ko pabalik ang mga condoms at inilapag din iyon. I also included the strawberry-flavored condoms I’ll give to him later since we’re attending a party tonight.

The cashier looked at me, then at Shiloh standing at my back. Namulsa ako habang hinihintay ’yon.

Ngumuso ang cashier kaya kunot-noo kong nilingon si Shiloh. He still looked flush, while his snobbish expression remained.

“Heto sir pogi…” the cashier said softly.

“Thanks gorgeous.” I smiled at the cashier and caressed her fingers when he gave it to me.

Namilog ang mga mata ng cashier at naghagikhikan sila noong katabi niyang babae. Nangingiti akong lumabas dala iyon habang nakikita si Shiloh na nagmartsa na patungong kotse.

I don’t really get the introvert peeps. What’s making them tired of socializing?

“Uuwi na tayo?” tanong niya nang pumasok na rin ako sa driver’s seat.

“Uuwi lang para magbihis. I have an open play with my friends in the court later. Magbabasketball kami.” Sabay lagay ko ng binili ko sa compartment.

Pagdating sa condo, deritso na siyang lumakad sa kuwarto niya. Geez. What a distant peep. I wonder how I would push him to socialize? Or maybe he would get used to it in no time?

Naligo akong muli lalo na’t I feel sticky after hitting the gym. I wore my jersey shorts and sleeveless shirt, put on my varsity jacket, and wore a bonnet on my head.

My duffel bag and my basketball things were already inside as I knocked on Shiloh’s room again.

“Tara na!” sigaw ko.

Bumukas iyon at nakita ko agad siya.

“Kasama ba dapat ako?”

“Yes. Coz I told mom we’d bond. I’ll introduce you to my other squad, so come on and stop slouching.” Saka ko siya inakbayan at tinangay na palabas ng kanyang kuwarto.

“Magbibihis lang ako!” he hissed and pushed me as his body bent.

Pinakawalan ko siya lalo na’t matitiris ko pa ata ang mukha niyang naipit ko na sa pagitan ng aking dibdib at matigas na braso.

“Make it quick. Ang bagal.” Namaywang kong sabi.

Nailing siya at marahas na isinara ang pinto. My jaw dropped. Wow. He slammed the door right in front of my face. The strawberry boy got the nerve to treat me like I was not the owner of this place, huh? Pag siya ang hinampas ko basag ’yang magandang mukha niya.

Nailing kong dinukot ang aking cellphone para reply-an ang text ng mga kaibigan ko.

Sadie:

May basketball daw kayo sabi nila Mavric? Dadalhin mo si Shiloh?

Ako:

Yup

I wonder how they would work out? Sadie is extroverted, and Shiloh seems too… distant? Pero baka naman iba ito pag sa girlfriend niya? There are boys who act differently when it comes to their girls…

Shiloh seems really introverted, as he looked so tired while looking outside the window of my car again. I pressed the stereo button until the loud music of Booty Music Two boomed.

My fingers tapped on the steering wheel and moved my shoulders a bit as I nodded continuously to vibe with the music.

Shiloh’s head slowly glanced at me. Hinaplos ko ang buhok paatras habang patuloy na kumanta.

Naubos nalang ata ang laway ko, tahimik pa rin siya. Noong makarating sa court, nakita ko sa kanyang mga mata ang pag-aalangan. I put my arm around his shoulder and walked with him.

“Brent!” Mavric shouted.

Dinumog ako ng iilan. I laughed while bumping their shoulders and tapping their backs. Pinagkaguluhan ako ng ilang minuto nila.

“Ang tagal mong hindi sumipot! Halos isang buwan, Brent! Ang haba ba ng mga nakapilang babae?” they teased and laughed.

“Gago. Exam dude. Bawal ma-distract.” Halakhak ko at nilingon si Shiloh. “This is my new roommate and a family friend.”

“Oh? Buti at nagdala ka ng isang kasama! Kulang tayo ng isa. Umuwi si Nick. Sumakit ang tiyan. Nagpapa sub nga,” si Angelo na nakapamaywang.

I tap Shiloh’s shoulder. “For sure, you know how to play bball?”

“Ah… konti…”

I noticed the tapping of his fingers on the side of his leg again. Umangat ang aking kilay sa pagiging kuryoso. Mannerism?

“Good. Just play. You don’t need to score,” sabi ko at sinenyasan ang mga kaibigan. “He’s joining.”

“Ayun! Tara simulan na natin! Daming babae nag-aabang kay Brent.”

I licked my lower lip and roamed my eyes around the bleachers. Whew. The legs and shorts short. What a nice day…

“Si Verena.” Siko ni Benz sa akin at may nginuso sa bleachers.

Oh… Goddamn…

Mabilis ang paglingon ko. The prettiest woman, crossing her arms while wearing a black hoodie and her hair in a high ponytail, sat silently with the others. The coldness in her eyes made me whistle. Damn… I need to fucking win this game.

“Tingnan mo at sinong kalaban natin,” Remuel chuckled and looked at the newcomers.

Lumingon ako at agarang nakita ang makakalaban namin. Ah… So this is a competition for Verena’s attention, huh? 

Ang point guard na si Kael ay napapabalitang patay na patay kay Verena. He’s vulgarly letting everyone know that he likes her. At magpapahuli ba ako? As long as she’s not yet taken, I will always hit my shot until she lets me date her.

Naglakad ako patungo sa kinauupuan niya. I put my things on the bench where she’s sitting. Tumigil ako sa harap niya, nakangisi at hinubad ang varsity jacket ko. She only looked at me plainly.

“Wow. You’re watchin…” I smiled and put my other foot on the bench as I crouched a bit.

Umismid siya at medyo nairita kaya nangingiti kong tiningnan ang aking phone.

Sadie:

Pakisundo ako please!

I sighed and called her number.

“Sadie,” tawag ko at nilingon saglit si Sadie na tumingin din sa akin.

“Nasaan ka na?!” she shouted.

My eyes squinted as I tilted my head and pulled the phone out of my ear. Sinenyasan ko ang mga kaibigan ko at tinuro ang labas sabay jog doon. Shiloh was now conversing with the others. Good for him.

“Nasaan si Shiloh?” agarang bungad ni Sadie nang pagbuksan ko sa kanilang van.

I rolled my eyes and offered my hand. “Nandoon sa court. Kulang kami ng isa. He’s playin’ with us.”

“Huh?! Dapat sinabi mo! Edi sana nakabili ako ng gatorade.”

“Wow. We were friends for decades, and you haven’t bought me some drinks.” I scoffed.

“Eh type ba kita?!”

Hinatid ko siya sa mismong bench kung nasaan ang mga gamit ko. I looked at Verena, who straightened in her seat. Kinawayan ni Sadie si Shiloh na napalingon dito.

“Hay… Ang angelic niya talaga. Parang bumubukas ang langit at napapakanta ng Hallelujah ’yung mga anghel dahil sa mukha niya. Gustong gusto ko siya,” she said dreamily as I guided her to sit down.

“Tapos hindi ka pala tipo?” I chuckled.

Mabilis niya akong sinamaan ng tingin. “Ilakad mo siya sa akin or else ipagkakalat ko ’yung picture mong nakahubad.”

I laughed. “The girls would just confirm that I am big, Sadie…”

She tried kicking me, so I laughed and jogged toward my team while glancing at the bench and winking at Verena. Such a snobby girl…

Hmm… Speaking of snobs… I glanced at Shiloh, who’s now crouching while his hands rest on his legs. Nilapitan ko siya at tinapik ang likod.

“Man up! You can do this!”

The game started. Nagtutunugan ang spike ng aming mga sapatos habang tumatakbo. Nakuha ko ang bola at mabilis iyong ishinoot. The girls screamed. I smiled at them and jogged to the other side as I indulged myself in the noise of the girls.

The other team was getting aggressive. Shiloh was faster than his usual self. Ngunit sa tuwing nagtatakbuhan, talagang nahuhuli siya.

I leveled on him and tapped his back. “When you grab the ball, throw it to me. I’ll shoot it instead.”

He nodded, but at the same time, his cheek turned red again. Sinenyasan ko ang aking team to guard the enemy’s point guard, which is Kael.

Bukod doon, siya rin ang pinaka agresibo. May siniko siya sa aming team na pinalagpas na lamang, total it’s an open play.

“That’s okay!” senyas ko sa aking team.

It was Shiloh’s turn as he grabbed the ball and was about to throw it at me nang marahas siyang binangga ni Kael. He immediately lost his balance and squinted his eyes as his back hit the floor.

“Oh! Ang lambot ah! So a gay is playing, huh?!” kantyaw niya at natatawang nakipag-apir sa kanyang team.

Nagkasalubong ang kilay ko roon at medyo sumeryoso. I jog toward Shiloh, who’s now pulling himself up. Tinanguan niya ang mga team ko nang tinanong siya kung ayos lamang ba. And there, I notice how he taps his fingers on the side of his leg again.

I pushed my tongue against the side of my mouth as we resumed the game. This isn’t a real play, so there’s no problem if we get dirty, right?

Kael ran toward me to block my way. I dribbled the ball in front of him and smirked.

Matangkad si Kael. Maybe Shiloh caught his attention because, out of all of us, he’s the one who’s short.

Nag-amba siyang agawin ang bola sa akin kaya mabilis kong ipinasok ang bola sa pagitan ng aking mga hita at hinuli iyon sa gilid para mailipat ng posisyon. He tried to grab it again. I did another turn and bumped at his shoulder as he fell on his back on the ground. Humalakhak ako.

“Oh, sorry, bro. Ang lambot ah. So a gay is playin’ huh?” I tilted my head and smiled innocently.

Mabilis niyang itinulak ang sarili patayo at sumugod sa akin sabay tulak ng aking dibdib.

“Gago ka ah?” he fired aggressively.

“Mas gago ka. Ako nga ang angasan mo.” Hamon ko at nakangising napaatras ng isang hakbang dahil sa kanyang pagtulak.

Mabilis siyang pinigilan ng kanyang team. I laughed again and put my hands at the back of my head. Triggered huh?

“Brent…” ang team ko na tumayo sa aking harapan.

“Tang ina mo talaga.” Kael pointed at me.

I showed him my dirty finger. “Tang ina ka rin.”

Umiling ang isa sa team ko at tinapik ang aking balikat, pinapakalma ako. I licked the side of my lip and rolled my eyes boyishly while the mocking smile didn’t leave my lips.

“Maglaro ka nang walang iniinsulto sa team ko and we’re fucking good,” banta ko.

“Ang sensitive mo! Bakit? Girlfriend mo ba ’yan? Naubusan kana ba ng babae at nag-iba na ang taste mo! Sabagay, mukha ngang mahinhin!” Halakhak niya.

My jaw clenched. I tried to step forward and fire some punches, but someone grabbed my arm. Nagpumiglas ako ngunit pinigilan na ako ng iba kong team habang pumapagitna rin ang team ni Kael. I harshly pulled my arm back when someone grabbed me again until I heard Shiloh’s familiar groan.

Noong lingunin ko ito, nakayuko na at hawak ang kanyang ilong na dumugo. Oh shit.

Chapter 3

Asshole

Mabilis kong dinaluhan si Shiloh. My team is now trying to lessen the tension as they talk to that motherfucker I still want to punch.

I know that he didn’t mean those words since it has always been an inside joke every time we’d play a game and someone was being soft.

Well, for some reason, it irks me that he’s firing it at someone who’s new and still trying to fit in. To someone who’s not ready for those kinds of bonds with boys.

“Hey…” halos yumuko ako para daluhan si Shiloh.

He seems so lost, as his eyes aren’t steady. Pakiramdam ko, nahihilo siya. I immediately tried to pull him up. I saw him flinched a bit when I put my hand on his arm. Ang kanyang ulo ay umilag din ng kaonti at yumuko, tila ba nakasanayan niyang ganoon agad ang dapat gawin pag may humawak na lalake sa kanya. I gritted my teeth when I realized it and pulled him up continuously.

“Hey,” I called softly again. “This is me, Brent,” I reminded him, as if he seemed so lost and still not on his senses.

He shut his eyes and touched his nose. Nilapitan na rin kami ng iba ko pang team. He looked at them dizzily, as some were worried and just wanted to see the damage.

“Give us space for a while,” sabi ko at tiningnan ang aking team.

Mabilis na lumayo ang iba. I took my handkerchief out and put it on his nose.

“Don’t lift your head. Just lean your head forward,” I ordered when he was about to lift his head.

He shut his eyes and held the handkerchief.

“Gago talaga si Kael. Si Shiloh siguro ang nakita niya kasi hindi lalaban. Mabait tingnan at pinakamaliit sa atin,” one of my teammates hissed.

“Sapakin mo ’yon sa susunod, Shiloh. Akala siguro no’n bakla ka.” Angelo said in an aggressive tone.

“Maganda kasi ’yung mukha ni Shiloh. Feminine. Maybe he took it as an opportunity to diss him.”

“Inborn ka bang ganito, Shiloh? Kasi meron din akong kilalang ganyan. Napagkakamalan din laging bakla. Pero mahinhin lang talaga. It’s just his environment that contributed to his gestures since he has sisters at pinaka bunso pa na tanging lalaki. Pero may girlfriend nga ’yon.”

“Dude! Some of the gays are terrible. May iba din naman talaga sa kanila na talagang nagkukunwaring straight para mambastos. May kakilala akong nagpanggap pang lalake tapos sumali sa basketball team para makachansing! Gagong ’yon! Nakakatrauma dahil hubad kaming lahat lagi sa shower room pag kasabay namin ’yung maligo!”

Nagkasalubong ang kilay ko. It wasn’t the right time to talk about those things while someone was being shamed for being soft. Ngunit kung hindi ko lang alam na na-ooffend si Shiloh sa ganoong biruan, baka isa ako sa nagbigay ng opinyon at makikisali.

When you were in the boys’ circle, you shouldn’t be a killjoy and just go along with the topic. Coz these things are really normal for us. We talk without limit, with no holding back, because we aren’t offended, and we treat it as an inside joke that boys who would act soft and emotional are already considered as a pussy, or, let’s just say, gays.

Dahil kung papalag ka, you would just be diss by them even more. Baka kutyain pang bakla talaga.

“Kaya talaga pag bakla… parang ayoko agad makihalubilo. Grabeng trauma din dinanas ko sa mga ’yan,” si Ro-ar.

“Pero… lalake ka naman talaga hindi ba, Shiloh?” Angelo asked until my teammates looked at Shiloh again.

When I say that boys’ topics are unlimited and we shouldn’t take them seriously, I know that at that moment, it crosses the line.

I looked at Shiloh’s unreadable expression and noticed the tapping of his finger again. Naalala ko bigla ang iritasyon at galit sa mga mata niya noong gabing matanong ko siya sa bagay na iyon. He seemed offended, and for sure, he feels the same way right now.

“Bakit, Angelo? Kailangan bang kumpirmahin niya iyon?” Ngisi ko ng nakakaloko at naiirita na sa usapan.

“I’m just curious,” medyo hilaw ang titig ni Angelo sa akin.

“Just because he’s feminine-looking, soft, and gentle, then he’s gay. It’s his physical appearance he couldn’t change so easily. It ain’t his fault, and he shouldn’t explain himself about it. No one is entitled to label us for something we naturally have and didn’t ask for,” I answered coldly.

“Oh…” Mavric chuckled and tried to laugh as the tension made them silent and cornered.

I rolled my eyes with a smile. “Kung binugbog kita ngayon, at natalo ka dahil malambot ka, babae kana ba, Angelo?”

“S’yempre hindi! Anong laban ko sa’yo eh 6’3 ka! Tingnan mo nga ’yang katawan mo!”

“Exactly. We are all different. But it doesn’t mean our worth as a human would become low just because we couldn’t fit into society’s standards for men. Kaya tigilan niyo ang kakabase sa kilos at katawan niya dahil lang naiiba siya sa nakasanayan natin. It’s rude and offending for something who deserves to be respected as a human.”

My team kept quiet for a while. I looked at Shiloh, who opened his eyes. Noong tiningnan ko ulit ang daliri niya, bigla na iyong tumigil sa pagta-tap. It’s like he slowly relaxed.

Which means… those mannerisms… when he’s feeling anxious or nervous?

“You good?” Tapik ko sa kanyang balikat nang ilebel kong muli ang mukha ko sa kanya.

“Oo. Hindi mo naman kailangang gumanti. Baka hindi niya lang sinasadya at nadala sa game,” namamaos niyang sabi.

I smiled. “Edi hindi ko rin sinasadya at nadala sa game?” I arched my brow.

Nagkasalubong ang kilay niya. Ginulo ko ang kanyang buhok at sinenyasan na ang aking team.

“Let’s quit. I lost my mood.”

“Gago Brent! Malaki ’yung pusta!” Agarang angal nila.

“How much? I’ll give your money back.” Sabay labas ko sa aking wallet.

Hindi na pumalag ang aking team. Tiningnan nila si Shiloh.

“Ayos ka lang?” they asked worriedly.

Shiloh nodded as he smiled at them. Nagtungo ako sa bench at kinuha ang duffel bag habang tumatayo na si Sadie, nanliliit ang tingin sa akin.

“Hindi mo man lang sinapak?” she hissed.

“Pag sinapak ko ’yon, edi mas lalong nasira ang mukha no’n.” I taunted as I wore the strap of my duffel bag again.

“Ang yabang niya ha! At anong gay! Makikita niya kung paano ka straight si Shiloh!” she glared at the other team, who’s now taking their things too.

As much as Sadie wants to bond with him, I just called it off so she could spend time with him later at the party. Mukhang ramdam ko na ayaw niya na ring makihalubilo pa.

Tahimik na siya sa front seat, habang nagmamaneho na ako. I kept glancing at him. He’s leaning forward, just like I told him.

I glanced at him again. His eyes moved enough that he didn’t need to move his head as he locked gazes with me.

“It’s an inside joke in our team. For sure he said that to mock you. Don’t let it get in your head,” sabi ko.

He nodded quietly. Dumaan agad sa aking isip ang desisyon ko kanina na ibabalik sa aking team ang pusta.

Tang ina! Oo nga pala? Ubos ang allowance ko this sem? Gago… Nagpapakaangas ka nga pero mamumulubi kana pala. Gago, Brent!

I suddenly remembered that mommy is willing to increase my allowance if I take care of him. Then I should really do my best to guide him until he adjusts to his new environment.

Kumalma rin naman ako at hindi na inisip ang pera pa lalo na’t bumagabag sa isip ko ang mannerism niya.

When I introduced him to my circles, his fingers started tapping. When someone would show aggression in front of him, he’d flinch.

I wonder… what happened?

“Hmm… Wala namang nakwento si Tita Solene mo sa akin na binubully siya sa school na pinanggalingan niya,” si Mommy nang mag FaceTime kami pagkatapos kong maligo.

“Really?”

“Oo. Pero ang alam ko, may nasuntok daw si Shiloh. Kaya na expell siya. At kailangan niyang lumipat.”

I barked a laugh. “Ah… so he punched someone and got expelled because of it. So he’s violent?”

“Mabait ang batang ’yan, Brent. Hindi na kasi nasabi ng ina niya ano ang rason. Pero mabait ’yan si Shiloh.”

I nodded since he radiates it too.

“Mas mabait pa ’yan sa’yo.” My mom leered at me.

I rolled my eyes while smiling as I buttoned my shirt.

“Bye mom. I just called to ask about it. At may lakad pa kami ngayon. I’ll introduce him to my other circles…”

“That’s good, Brent! Kung party ’yan, huwag mo masyadong painumin! Baka low tolerance ’yan. Huwag mong itulad sa’yo na hindi natatablan ng anak sa sobrang immune ng katawan mo.”

I chuckled and waved my hand to end the call. I don’t want to hear her long ass litany about my alcoholic ass coz she would just stretch it until my sins in the past would be brought up too.

I looked at myself in the mirror as I buttoned the other. If he wasn’t really bullied there, then… what’s the reason he’s flinching? What’s the reason for that mannerism?

I grew up in a healthy household. My mom would scold me for my minor sins, but my dad would just let it slip and would always tell me not to put too much stress on my mom coz he gets stressed as well.

Hanggang sa napapagod nalang si mommy kakapuna at kakabunganga. She would just rather let it pass if it didn’t put me too much in trouble. At kung sa babae naman… si Dad lagi ang pinapayuhan niya na kausapin ako.

But since I became too independent during my college days, we’d spend our time building bonds through calling from time to time.

I have never been punched by my dad, and mom’s parenting wasn’t the Asian type that would react violently and hit me. She’s cool.

Kaya palaisipan sa akin na baka… kung hindi sa school, sa bahay nila?

Nilingon ko siya sa front seat. He’s wearing simple blue and white stripes paired with khaki shorts, and his hair is disheveled a bit. He really is my opposite. I was wearing a button-down black shirt, a red jacket, and jeans. Half of my hair was pushed back, while the other side kissed my thick brows as some of the strands fell uncontrollably.

I pulled the compartment open. Medyo nagulat siya sa galaw ko. Tumikhim ako at dinahanan ang kilos ko.

“I’m getting the condoms…”

Tumikhim siya at tumango. I licked my lower lip and took the blue box as I handed the pink one to him.

“Yours.”

Napatingin siya sa akin, kumukunot ang noo. I tilted my head, coaxing him to take it.

“It’s a strawberry flavor, don’t worry.” I smirked.

Mabilis na namula ang mukha niya, ngunit dahil sa iritasyon. I chuckled and wiggled the box.

“Believe me, you’d need this later at the party. Knowing it might be your first time, you might clumsily come inside her—”

“Hindi ako makikipagsex,” he interjected and pushed my hand.

“You never know. I don’t want you to come running to me and ask for the condom while I’m in the middle of doing the deed.”

I saw how he boyishly rolled his eyes at me. Woah… Satan is activating on the angel strawberry boy again. Padabog niyang kinuha sa aking kamay ang box at isinilid sa kanyang bulsa.

I whistled and chuckled. “Sadie likes you so much. She’s pretty hot. You two might click.”

“Hindi ko siya tipo,” he confessed sincerely.

I pushed the gear and controlled the steering wheel using my left hand as I leaned against the seat, glancing at him from time to time.

“Then what’s your type of girl?” I asked.

I saw how he looked like he was thinking.

“Sadie is quite liberated. But she’s nice. You just need a long temper to understand her. And since you’re a ticking bomb too, you two must work on your differences. Baka diyan mo matutunang babaan ang pride mo?”

That girl must really pay me for complimenting her. Kung hindi pa rin siya magkakaboyfriend sa pangrereto ko, siya na ata ang may problema. Napapagod nga ako sa kanya na magkaibigan lang kami, ang magiging boyfriend niya pa ata?

“Nagsalita ang babaero,” Shiloh murmured.

Humagalpak ako. His cheek bubbled as if it had come out of his mouth uncontrollably.

“What’s wrong with being a womanizer? I’m single. What am I supposed to do with my dick? As if my mouth could reach and blow it?” I said bluntly.

Namilog ang mga mata niya. I smirked more.

“And sex is my stress reliever. You can’t blame me…”

“Nakakailan ka sa isang buwan?” he asked curiously.

Oh… He’s now curious, huh.

“Hmm… Four? Five?”

“Four? Five? Eh parang sa isang araw, nakakadalawang babae ka nga.”

“Oh.. you meant the girls and not the rounds…”

His eyes widened again, and he shook his head disappointingly. I chuckled and increased the speed as it turned into eighty. Nilagpasan ko ang iilan ang itinagilid ang ulo para makita ang side view mirror ng aking kotse.

“Bakit ka adik diyan?” he asked.

My brows shot up, and I glanced again. “What? The sex?”

Tumango siya.

“I am not a sex addict. Lalake ako eh. It’s a nature.”

I saw the sudden change in his eyes every time I pointed out my gender. He’s really sensitive about this topic? As much as I’m curious about it, I don’t wanna go overboard, or he might lose his mood again.

“Edi ako na walang karanasan, hindi na lalake?” he pointed out.

Oh… I didn’t point that out. Or I didn’t choose my words properly to be misinterpreted by him that way.

“Hmm… let me rephrase it. It’s my nature. Not because I am a man, but because I love the pleasure of sex.” I laughed.

He calmed down a bit. Binasa ko ang labi at unti-unting nakuha kung paano siya nagiging maamo at komportable. Now let’s set some rules for yourself, Brent. Don’t be an asshole and break your damn old cycle.

Chapter 4

Court

I slipped my box of condom in my pocket as I slammed the door of my car. Isinara rin ni Shiloh ang pinto ng front seat at tiningnan ang paligid.

“Have fun tonight.” I put my arm around his shoulder as we both walked to the entrance of the popular club in BGC, where I would always get spotted.

“It’s Brent.” The whispers as soon as I walked in.

The room was dim, but not too dim, as I could vividly see the familiar faces of the others. The string of neon lights danced uncontrollably as the music mingled and resonated all throughout the place.

“Brent!” tawag ng kabilang sofa.

I took my arm out of Shiloh and walked to them. Halos napatayo ang mga naroon sa sofa. Natatawa akong nakipagbungguan ng balikat sa iba at nakiyakapan din sa mga babaeng nangingiting bumati sa akin.

“You’re finally back!”

“Mm… the semester is over. Kailangan tutok sa pag-aaral. Can’t take my name out of the dean’s list.” I chuckled while taking the red cup they handed me.

“Sino ’yan?” Isa sa mga girls na may tiningnan sa likod.

I sipped the drink a bit and glanced at Shiloh and gestured at him to come nearer.

“Shiloh. My roommate. Pinapabantayan ni mom sa akin.” Ngisi ko sabay akbay sa kanya nang tumigil sa aking gilid.

The girls giddily grinned at me. Humalakhak ako at hinawakan ang ulo ni Shiloh.

“And single. Of course, ladies…”

Tumili ang iilan sa kanila. Shiloh caressed his nape and glanced at me. I chuckled and crouched a bit.

“That box contains more than one condom. Perhaps you could make use of each of em?” I whispered playfully.

“Gago ka,” he hissed, but there’s a playfulness in his tone.

Humalakhak ako kung hindi lang may yumakap sa akin sa likuran. Hinuli ko ang kamay at napalingon ganoon din si Shiloh.

“Jade!” My eyes widened and hugged her.

“Gosh! I knew it! Likod pa lang at katangkaran!” she laughed.

“When did you just come back? Thought you were in Cebu?!”

“Yesterday!” Nangingiti niyang sabi at hinila na ang aking braso.

Tumingin ako sa sofa at iwinagayway ang kamay ko sa kanila para magpaalam. I pulled Shiloh’s arm again so he could come with me.

“Guys! Look who I found!” Mabilis na anunsyo ni Jade nang huminto kami sa isang VIP area.

Halos ibuga ni Briar ang kanyang iniinom at namimilog ang mga matang napatingin sa akin. The other boys stood and pulled me toward them.

“Bro!” they shouted aggresively as they crowded me and some of them were jumping too.

Tinanggap ang mga kamay nila at nakipagbungguan ng balikat.

“Body shot! Body shot!” the girls shouted.

Natatawa akong umiling ngunit nangingiti nang tumayo si Jade sa aking harapan. I sighed aggressively as her hand manipulated the buttons of my shirt. Namaywang ako at pinanood ang kanyang ginagawa.

“Really, Jade?” Namamaos kong halakhak.

She grinned and poured the tequila on my chest. I shut my eyes and lifted my head a bit as I laughed. I felt Jade’s lips on my chest as she teasingly sucked the liquid. Oh damn… damn… This is what we called semester break, Brent! Welcome back!

Nakangiti akong tumingin sa kanya habang naghihiyawan ang lahat. She sipped the last tequila and pulled on my nape. I chuckled against her lips and put my hands on her waist as I equaled her kisses.

“Join us, Brent! Dito kana!” si Ram nang humiwalay na ako kay Jade.

I licked my lower lip and realized that I was with Shiloh. Nilingon ko ito habang pinapaligiran na rin ng girls.

“I’ll be on the other corner with Angela and the squad. See you guys later. You too, gorgeous.” Hawak ko sa baba ni Jade at pinatakan siya ng halik.

“Come back here, okay!” pahabol niya nang lumalabas na ako sa sofa.

Tumango ako at lumapit na kay Shiloh na pinagkakaguluhan ng girls. I rested my hand on his shoulder and crouched a bit until I leveled my face with the girls.

“What’s up?”

“Brent! Ngayon lang namin nalaman na may new friend ka pala! He’s so gorgeous!”

Ngumuso si Shiloh at napatingin sa suot kong bukas na lahat ang butones lalo na’t basa rin ang aking dibdib.

“I need him, girls. You can get his number later,” sabi ko at iginiya na siya paalis doon lalo na’t nakikita ko na ang nanliliit na tingin nila Angela sa akin.

The girls frowned while I was pulling him away.

“Ganito ka pala ka sikat? Modelo ka ba o… artista?” He looked so stunned.

“I’m sociable. I’ve been an active party goer here in BGC, which is why I know most of the people here…” sabi ko habang gumagala ang tingin at tinatanguan ang mga bumabati.

“Grabe,” he gasped as if he were so shocked about it.

“Brent, oh my god, you asshole!” Ang nadaanan na naman naming sofa.

I was pulled for a while and took the shot they handed me. Ipinakilala ko ulit si Shiloh na agarang pinagkakainteresan ng mga girls. Man… kakatanggap ko ng drink hindi pa ata ako nakarating sa table nila Angela lasing na ako.

I fixed my disheveled hair while we finally reached the table of my main circles. They’re almost fifteen, at ang ilan dito, wala pa. Mostly girls and boys. Angela punched my chest as I squinted my eyes and acted like I was hurt.

“Hindi ka talaga nakakapagClub nang hindi ka napapansin ng lahat ’no?!” she leered at me.

Tumawa ako at nakipagkamayan na rin sa iilang boys na kasama ko rin kanina sa basketball. The girls were smiling at me meaningfully.

“Ipakilala mo naman, Brent…” Marcia smiled and put her hair behind her ears.

“Oh, yes… By the way…” Nilingon ko si Shiloh at itinuko sa kanyang balikat ang aking kamay.

“This is Shiloh, my roommate. Medyo shy type but he’s cool.”

“Oh? ’Yung s-in-end ni Sadie sa group chat.” Mica giggled.

My brow shot up. Medyo kinuha rin ang atensyon ni Shiloh doon.

“Nagsend si Sadie ng picture niya. Pogi daw. She said it’s target lock.” Halakhak ni Angela.

Shiloh calmed down a bit and caressed his nape again. Hinila siya ng mga girls at pinaupo na sa sofa habang tinanggap ko naman ang inilahad na shot ni Ronan.

“Is she coming?” I looked at Angela.

She leered at me again while offering the food to Shiloh, who took a bite.

“Mamaya, Brent. And she called me you asshole. Anong Tricia, huh?” Ramdam ko ang disappointment sa tinig niya.

I licked the side of my lip while the boys who heard it laughed. Napapikit ako at medyo natawa rin habang naiiling.

“Well, at least you didn’t mistake her name while doing the deed, Brent. That’s more disappointing,” si Ronan na humagalpak.

Nasabayan ko ang kanyang hagalpak at nakipag high-five sa kanya habang gusto na kaming batuhin ng bote ni Angela.

“You assholes! Turn off ’yon sa’yo, Brent! Pinapalakas pa kita dahil sabi mo, tipo mo! Tapos ngayon, sinira mo naman ang image mo!”

“Anong sinira? Matagal nang sira ang image niyan! Some girls are just blind.” Mavric laughed.

I licked my lower lip again as I put my hands on my pocket. Hindi na halos maalis ang ngisi sa aking labi. Trixie, Brent. Pin it on your fucking mind!

Naiiling na si Angela at sumali na sa girls na nakay Shiloh ang atensyon. He looked comfortable as he conversed with the girl’s curiosity. I joined the boys, and we were talking loudly about what happened at the open play.

“Brent,” tawag ni Angela.

Nangingiti ko siyang tiningnan at agarang may nginuso. Tumingin ako sa kakadarating lamang. It’s Tricia and her friend, uh… I forgot her name, but that’s not the main point here. She did come!

Ronan elbowed me. “Trixie, dude…”

I elbowed him back. “Shut up.”

Tumayo agad ako habang tumatawa pa ang mga boys, at nililingon ko habang ngumingiti.

“Tri—Trix…” I called and caressed her elbow.

She looked at me, then her eyes drifted to my chest. Tumingin din ako roon at nakitang basa pa. She passed me without saying anything as she walked to the girls.

I pressed my lips against the side and stifled my smile.

“Dude… what’s that red mark on your neck?” si Mavric sa inosenteng tinig.

“Mosquito bites?” I caressed my nape with a smirk.

Humagalpak ang mga boys at marahas pang itinapon ni Felix ang bullcap niyang suot sa aking dibdib.

“Hayop ka! Buti at hindi ka isinusugod sa ospital sa araw araw mong nakakagat ng lamok!” they laughed and teased.

I laughed and threw some kicks to stop them from putting me in the goddamn spot, or else I’d lose my fucking chance to Trixie this night.

Man… this sucks. Everyone knows I am a womanizer. Kahit pabanguhin ko ang pangalan ko, kada saan ata ako pumunta, parang lahat ng mga babae kilala na ako.

Palingon lingon ako sa mga girls. It seemed like Shiloh was more comfortable in the girls circle, as I could see how his lips would stretch while conversing. Now you’ve found your comfort zone, huh…

Nahagip ko ng tingin ang matalim na titig ni Trixie. She was folding her arms while looking at me seriously. I gave her a warm smile and soft gaze. Umirap siya sa akin at may binulong sa kaibigan niya sabay tayo.

Tumayo rin ako at namulsang hinintay siya na dumaan sa aking gilid. She glared at me and passed by my side.

I checked on Shiloh, who’s still with the girls. Naglakad ako sa kanyang likuran at tinapik ang kanyang balikat. Medyo nagulat siya at napatingala.

“Stay with the girls,” sabi ko.

He nodded. Nilingon ko ulit si Trixie na nilingon din ako, checking if I followed her.

“Sundan mo, dude!” ang mga boys.

“Ang iingay niyo kasi!” halos sipain ko muna sila bago sumunod kay Trixie at nag dirty finger sa kanila.

Ang mga nadadaanan naming sofa ay tinatawag ako. Patay malisya akong hindi lumingon at lumebel sa paglalakad ni Trixie. I rested my hand on the side of her waist.

Fuck it, Brent. If she slaps my hand, and pushes me, then I’m out. Right… That’s the sign I need to grab so I won’t waste my time and her time here.

I counted from one to five. That’s why, when she didn’t take it away, I pressed my tongue against my mouth and stifled my smile. Alright. There you go…

“Brent!” some of the girls called.

Tang ina, mamaya na kayo! Dumidiskarte pa ako rito. Trixie lifted her head just to check if I was paying attention to the girls who called me. Mabilis kong itinuon ang atensyon sa kanya para kunwari, nasa kanya ang buong atensyon ko, wala sa iba.

Her eyes went to the side of my neck. She shook her head again. Pumasok siya sa rest room, kaya hinintay ko muna siya. The cubicle is empty, but I am not that thirsty to come in and—

“Brent,” she called.

Nevermind.

I walked in and found her adjusting something on her back. Of course. The signals.

Nagtungo ako sa kanyang likuran at inayos ang na stuck na zipper. I crouched a bit and pressed my face against the side of her face.

“Napaka playboy mo. Nakailang babae ka bago ako dumating?”

“Relax. There’s no girls…” I said in the middle of the heat and pressed my body against her.

I opened my eyes and saw the lust that was reflected in her expression.

“Kung wala, then introduce me as your girlfriend.”

Hold-up.

Talagang napatigil ako. She leered at me more.

“See?!”

“Trix. Isn’t it too fast? We should get to know each other first. At nangako ako kay mommy na tatapusin ko muna ang sem ko this year before having a girlfriend.” Fucking liar.

My mom would really beat the shit out of me once she found out that she’s always on the crime scene for my long list of reasons.

But it’s really true. I’m a dean’s lister. Having a girlfriend is just a distraction. And I think I am not yet ready for commitments.

Humarap siya sa akin at humalukipkip. “I want a serious relationship, Brent. Ayokong may kahati ako sa’yo.”

Kahati? Oh please. No one owns every piece of me.

I raised my hand to let her know that I was not ready for whatever she’s trying to brew between us.

“Sorry. I think this is a mistake. Thought we were on the same page…” ngiti ko.

Her jaw dropped. “So what? Ganito nalang? You are ending this?!”

Yes. Coz you’re being a pain in the ass, woman. Tumalikod na ako.

“See you later, Trixie.” I waved my hand as I continued to walk away.

“Asshole!” she screamed.

I laughed. “I know, baby…”

I sighed and gripped my hair. Badtrip. Angela and her wrong information! I told her to get me a liberated girl who wouldn’t demand anything!

I feel bad, really. She’s frigging hot. Ang ganda ganda niya noong unang kita ko sa kanya. That’s why I even told Angela to at least introduce me. But I didn’t know she’d be this damn… clingy.

Dumeritso ako sa counter at inukupa ang isang swivel chair.

“Your usual drink, Brent?” ang bartender na si Louie.

Tumango ako nang makita ang pulang inumin.

“And include a cocktail drink, strawberry flavor.”

“Oh? Girlfriend?” she grinned while mixing drinks.

I boredly rested my elbows on the countertop. “A friend of mine….”

I took my card out of my pocket and handed it to her. Hinintay ko lang saglit ang drinks habang nalapitan pa ng ibang mga kilala na kinausap ako saglit lalo na’t iniimbitahan akong pumunta man lang sa table nila.

When the cocktail drink was served to me, I immediately went back to the table to give it to Shiloh.

He was about to sip on the shot glass while shutting his eyes when I pulled it away. Dumilat siya at napalingon sa akin. I smiled and crouched as I put the drink in front of him.

“You’re not gonna get drunk tonight while you’re on my watch,” mungkahi ko.

“Brent naman! Hayaan mo siya!” the girls hissed.

Shiloh took the cocktail and sipped it. Nakita ko ang pagkurap niya at pagtingin sa inumin. I stood straight and pointed at the dance floor.

Noong tumango siya, nagtungo na rin ako roon lalo na’t naroon na rin ang iba sa mga boys. I started dancing as I joined the crowd. Nginitian ko ang mga nadadaanang girls na agarang tumatayo sa aking harapan at sinasayawan ako.

I spotted Jade, so I didn’t stay longer and went to where she was.

“Dirty babe…” I sang the song in her ear as I grinded behind her, and vibed along with the beat with my lazy movements.

Jade glanced at me and smirked. I put her hair on the side of her shoulder and kissed her earlobe. Her hand went to my nape as she started dancing sensually.

Now, this is what I like. Not the fucking serious type!

“Lower,” I whispered.

“Nasaan na ang pinopormahan mo? Gusto ka bang gawing boyfriend kaya mo tinakasan?” she mumbled as she lowered her body more.

I chuckled. “Basted ako.”

“Really, playboy, when you yourself don’t know the word court.”

Now I know who I am bringing tonight to my place.

Chapter 5

Temper

The boys joined us on the dance floor, and we were now shouting and jumping while shouting the lyrics of the song we all knew.

Jade was pulled by the other girls, as I couldn’t spot them on the crowded dance floor. Bukod sa nagkakatuwaan na rin kaming mga boys, nakaakbay sa isa’t isa at nagsisitalon, I let her disappear on my sight as I indulged myself in the ongoing fun.

“Oh shit, Brent…” siko bigla ni Mavric sa akin.

Natatawa pa ako noong tiningnan ang nginuso niya. I curiously glanced at where he was talking about when I saw the group of familiar faces who just went in.

Oh boy… the fucking main event has just arrived.

Verena, in her fit, button-down black dress that hugged her hourglass body sexily, made my lips parted. She brushed her long, disheveled, wolf-cut hair and flipped it to the other side as she crouched a bit and listened to what her friend was saying to her.

Goddamn… Goddamn it…

“Her tats…” Rick whispered, talking about the tats on her upper chest.

It’s a flower. I don’t know the specific details, but damn it, this woman is such a snack!

“Wala na… distracted na…” rinig ko ang halakhak ng mga kaibigan kong lalake at tinapik pa ang aking balikat.

I licked my lower lip as I couldn’t take my eyes off her. Mas lalo pang nanatili nang naglakad siya sa aming table.

“Huh? Sa circle natin papunta!”

“May kaibigan ba siya diyan? Hindi sila close nila Angela ah?”

“Baka nila Gabriella?”

Just when I thought this night would be one of the luckiest nights for me, as soon as she approached Trixie and patted the space beside her, my dreams slowly shattered like a window being hit by a sudden swing of a baseball bat.

“Gago? Close ni Trixie?!”

“Bro… hindi mo naman siguro sinaktan si Trixie, ’di ba?”

My shoulder loosened. I groaned and slapped my forehead. “Damn it!”

The boys laughed and started shaking my shoulder.

“Isayaw mo nalang ’yan! Wala kanang pag-asa! Sirang sira kana sa tingin niya!”

“Knowing mapili sa boys, pihikan, tapos ikaw ang pipiliin? With your long list of issues with girls, she’s thinking she dodged a bullet for ignoring you!”

Naghigh-five sila at mas lalong tumawa. Pinasadahan ng haplos ang aking buhok, medyo natawa rin sa sarili kong kaolokohan lalo na’t alam kong gago rin talaga ako.

But can you believe it? Trixie is fucking friends with Verena?! Paanong hindi ko man lang nasagap iyon? And Angela must be shitting with me not to tell me that Trixie is friends with Verena!

I glanced at our table again, as Verena was now sitting on the sofa. Namaywang ako habang nagtatawanan ang friends ko at patuloy akong inaasar. Natatawa ko silang inilingan at pinagtutulak ang mga kamay lalo na’t nahihilo na ako.

“Move on, Brent. Wala kang pag-asa diyan,” patuloy nila.

When I glanced at our table again, I saw Shiloh conversing with Verena since she sat next to him, who’s on her right side, and Trixie, who’s on the right, frowning and rolling her eyes.

“Kinakausap si Shiloh.” Akbay ni Ronan sa akin, ang daliri ay hinahaplos ang labi.

I folded my arms to my chest and watched how Verena conversed with him. Shiloh leaned in a bit and whispered in her ear.

“Imagine it, you’ve never tried being so close to her, and yet, your friend took only seconds in his life to reach the woman of your dreams,” si Mavric na itinuko naman ang kamay sa kabilang balikat ko.

“Tapos si Shiloh pala ang tipo kaya hindi natatablan sa’yo!” Hampas ni Rick sabay tawanan nila.

I suddenly remembered Shiloh’s statement earlier. Sadie isn’t her type, which is liberated and playful. So… maybe Sadie’s opposite, which is Verena…

Tang ina? Aahasahin pa yata ako ah?

“Uso pa naman ’yung ahas na kaibigan. Be careful, dude.” Natatawang tapik ni Ronan sa akin.

I would glance at the boys for a second to smirk at them, but my eyes would immediately go back to Shiloh and Verena, who kept on talking. Nakakabanas na talagang nakikita kong pinagtutuunan siya ng pansin ni Verena.

“I think she has hots for her. Tingnan mo nga ang titig ni Verena sa kanya,” at ang gagong si Mavric, gusto pa yatang mag-overthink ako.

“And dude, that’s Verena! The hottest! The most elusive woman in the City! Hindi nga napormahan nila Wilson eh halos alayan na ’yon ng yate, ikaw pa kaya na naka kotse lang?” si Ronan.

“Kung papatulan niya ako, I could even take her to heaven. Not just in the sea,” I joked.

The boys laughed, and Macrov even massaged my shoulder, as if he were sending me to a boxing ring for a fight.

“Pambato kita kasi alam kong wala nang mas gagago pa sa’yo!” biro ni Mavric kaya halos sikuhin ko.

“Wala na. Mukhang nagkakamabutihan na ang dalawa! Lumalalim na ang usapan! Baka mamaya pag mawala sila, naunahan ka pa ni Shiloh.”

Halos itulak ko si Rick. Gagong ’to. Baka palayasin ko agad si Shiloh sa condo unit kung doon niya pa dadalhin si Verena—hold the fuck up! The condoms!

Imagine it, Brent. Ikaw pa ang bumili ng condom! Ikaw nagbigay! Tapos gagamitin niya lang sa babaeng gusto mo? Nagdilim ang tingin ko. The sudden jealousy was so much that I wouldn’t let him screw my girl.

I saw Shiloh caressing his nape as his lips stretched for a smile, while Verena’s face was so close to her as they conversed that my body automatically moved. Hindi ko tatanggapin ang pang-aahas na ito.

“Brent! Huwag mong ipahiya ang sarili mo! Bumalik ka dito!” sigaw ni Rick.

“Brent, Trixie is there! Huwag mong pormahan sa harap ng kaibigan niya, gago ka!” si Mavric.

Of course… Right! I know that! I wouldn’t have reached this far without getting killed by women if I was that careless and clumsy! Isa pa, si Shiloh kunwari ang sadya ko! At ang gagong ito, kailangan magkaliwanagan na talaga kami! Hindi ako papayag na aahasin ako sa mismong pinatuloy ko!

I coolly walked back to our table as I put my hands on my pocket.

“Brent!” makahulugang tawag ng mga kaibigan ko nang palapit na sa table.

Of course, the boys know how much I like Verena, and even the girls found out about it. Pero sa dami ring nagkakagustong lalake, parang isa lang ako sa nagkakandarapa sa atensyon niya at kunwaring hindi nakapila pero ang totoo gusto ko nang sikuhin kung sino man ’yang nasa unahan na pumipila sa kanya.

And out of all the girls I liked, I wanted her as my girlfriend. S’yempre magseseryoso rin naman ako. I’d drop all my girls if she would just pay attention. Isang kalabit lang niyan sa akin, talagang tatalikuran ko lahat ng mga babae.

“Shiloh.” Tapik ko sa kanyang balikat para kunin ang kanyang atensyon.

Their heads glanced at me. Verena’s head lifted and she looked at me with her usual, uninterested expression.

“Brent,” tawag ni Angela, nginunguso si Trixie.

I spotted the boys on the dancefloor laughing and pointing at me. Ngumisi ako saglit ngunit tumikhim din at si Shiloh ang tiningnan.

“Let’s smoke outside.” I invited.

Trixie glared at me. Damn…. If she wasn’t here at our table, I’d fucking be joining Verena now on the sofa. But since she’s friends with that girl, I don’t want to be a sandwich. Patong patong na nga ang pangit kong image sa babaeng ’to, isasagad ko pa ba?

But damn… Verena and her fucking face. My eyes even caught a glimpse of her rack. The tattoo was so tempting that I would always dream of kissing it. Those wet dreams of mine that I’d wake up with a full-blast boner.

“Naninigarilyo ka?” I heard the almost slurry voice of Verena, watching Shiloh curiously.

Wait! Why is she fucking interested. Putang…ina. Tipo niya?! Si Shiloh?! Itong babaeng ito, halos irapan pa ako minsan, tapos kay Shiloh, kuryoso? No… no… This girl is fucking kidding me.

Shiloh shook his head. “Hindi naman…”

Verena’s face calmed down. Ah… so she’s into boys who doesn’t smoke. Pwes, pahihithitin ko ng isang paketeng sigarilyo itong si Shiloh nang ma-turn off siya!

“Samahan mo din ako sa kotse. Naiwan ang susi ng condo doon. Hanapin natin,” I interjected so I could persuade him more.

Shiloh looked at me once. Sinenyasan ko siya ng patago. Verena glanced at me, so I acted glancing at the back while caressing my nape.

“Ah… labas lang kami,” paalam ni Shiloh.

“Okay. Hintayin kita,” Verena said.

It was like raining arrows, and I was standing in the middle of the war, unarmed, and getting shot continuously. Did Verena just… the woman I like so much, just express herself boldly?

Parang kailangang mag-impake nitong si Shiloh at bumalik sa pinanggalingan niya ah?

Tumalikod ako at talagang ayaw silang tingnan nang matagal. Luckily, Shiloh followed me.

May mga tumawag at nagbigay ng shot sa akin. I took some of them, drank them in one gulp, and tapped the others before I finally went out of the Club.

May mga bumati pa na nginitian ko saglit habang kinakapa ang pakete ng sigarilyo sa aking bulsa.

“That’s Verena,” I said while lighting my cigarette as I stopped at the corner of the Club.

Namulsa siya at sumandal sa pader.

“Maganda ba? Akin ’yon,” I immediately said, so he would keep his hand to himself. “Bro code.”

“Sa’yo naman ata lahat ng mga babae rito,” aniya.

I laughed a little. “She’s different from the other girls I like.”

Tumango siya at medyo tiningnan ang kanyang sapatos. Sumandal ako sa pader at tumingala ng kaonti, tiningnan ang langit habang naririnig dito ang ingay na galing sa loob.

“Mamili ka ng iba. Huwag ’yon,” I demanded.

“Bakit? Hindi ka naman tipo no’n.”

Marahas ang pagkakalingon. Tang inang… sumasagot pa!

“We’re friends. Imagine it, you will be seen hanging out with the girl I like, and everyone knows I like him. You should at least have the decency to…”

“Pinapatulan mo ’yung kaibigan niya ah? At hindi tayo magkaibigan.”

My eyes widened. The boy insulted me without blinking. So the angelic feature was just his facade to act like a good boy? Knowing he got expelled for punching someone…

Gago. Parang karibal ko pa yata ang isang ’to. At sa pagkakaangas niya, parang nanghahamon pa ata!

I stood near him and stopped in front of him. I huffed my cigarette as I looked at him seriously, my other hand was in the pocket of my pants.

“So, you like her?” tanong ko sa seryosong tinig.

He coughed a little when the smoke reached his nose. I took it out of my lips, faced the other side to blow it, and looked at him again, pinching his nose a bit.

“Give me back the condom.” Ipinakita ko ang palad ko.

“Bakit?”

“Akin na.” I demanded impatiently.

“Bakit nga?” He looked pissed. Pinitik ko ang sigarilyo sa gilid at inabot ang bulsa niya para kapkapan siya.

“Binigay mo ’yon tapos kukunin mo?” angal niya at galit ang tingin sa akin.

“My own box isn’t enough. So give it back,” I hissed and stepped forward, but he punched my chest.

My eyes widened. Not because it hurts, but because he looked so flush and had the guts to punch my chest.

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa dibdib kong exposed lalo na’t bukas pa rin lahat ng butones. And then I looked at him, who just shook his head and walked out.

I scoffed and barked a laugh as I caressed my hair backwards.

“Tang ina? Anong suntok ’yon?” I scoffed and barked a laugh as I caressed my hair backwards.

That angelic strawberry really has Satan’s temper! At ako pa ang sinuntok! Kung susuntukin ko siya pabalik, baka hindi siya makahinga. Tingnan natin kung hindi matatanggal ’yang mga ngipin niya.

It took me a minute to stop laughing and decide to go back. I looked at the sofa. Verena and Shiloh are nowhere to be found. That boy, really…

“Nasa’n si Shiloh?” tanong ko sa mga girls.

“Kasama si Verena. Parang… umalis sila,” isa sa mga girls.

Ang kapal ng mukha talaga! Sinabihan kong akin iyon! Ngunit sa tuwing naiisip ang suntok niya, talagang natatawa ako. My frustration was then distracted by Jade. I told her we could hit my place. She agreed, so we left the Club.

“Brent,” she purred when I hovered over her, my hands caressing her body.

I took the condom out, bit the side, and knelt down a bit to wear it. Jade was biting her lip while watching me. I smirked at her and leaned forward as I teasingly kissed her again.

“Akala ko ba ayaw mong nagrerepeat ng babae?” she asked as I pushed her other leg.

“You’re special.” I smirked against her lips and attempted to push it when the loud music boomed.

“Jesus sa krus… ika’y namatay…”

Natigilan kaming dalawa nang mapagtanto kung anong kanta iyon. It’s a fucking religious song! Jade’s eyes widened. Mariin akong pumikit habang humagalpak si Jade.

“Sshh… Open wide, Jade,” I said while laughing too.

“Brent! Ang awkward! Patahimikin mo!” she laughed and pushed my chest.

Tang ina… So that boy went home? Lalo na’t nanggagaling sa kabilang kwarto. When I realized earlier that he was missing together with Verena, I immediately pulled myself up and put my pants back at least.

Damn him! Did he fucking play a song to cover their noises while doing it?! And that kind of music, huh?

Paglabas ko, kinatok ko agad ang pinto. My brows knitted as I knocked continuously. Noong bumukas iyon, si Shiloh na sumilip, itinagilid ko ang ulo ngunit isinara niya ng kaonti.

“Your music is too loud. And—”

He slammed the door. He. Slammed. The. Fucking. Door. In front of my face! Huminga ako ng malalim, gustong hampasin ang pinto, nang pinigilan ko ang aking sarili at mariing pumikit. This strawberry boy is really testing my temper.

Chapter 6

Desperate

I sighed aggressively and went back to the room, as I just ignored it and hovered over Jade again while she’s still giggling.

“Sino nga ’yon? Si Shiloh?” tanong niya.

I kissed her jaw so she would just stop talking about it.

“Mm… Let’s continue and don’t mind my roommate,” I said, pushing her legs again.

I was so indulged by the heat in me that I went along with the length of her neck until I wanted to kiss her chest too. But then another song boomed, and this time it was damn annoying.

“Cocomelon!”

I grunted and shoved my face against her chest as Jade burst into laughter. Hindi ko alam kung galit ba ako pero natawa nalang din.

“Baka sign talaga ’to na mabubuntis mo ako, Brent?” Jade said in the middle of her laugh.

I shut my eyes and licked my lower lip. Fuck. I was so hard earlier, and now it has suddenly come down. Who would even concentrate on hearing those kinds of music! It’s horrifying! Nakikita ko pa sa isip ko ang mga anak kong sinasayaw ang kantang pinapatugtog ni Shiloh.

She pushed my shoulder a bit, so I rolled to her other side and just laid on my back while staring at the ceiling.

Jade went out of bed and bent over to pick up her clothes. I tilted my head to watch her.

“Let’s call it a night,” she smiled while glancing at me as she was now putting on her clothes.

I rolled my eyes and sighed, but the smile was still on my lips.

“I’ll drive you home—” Nag-amba akong bumangon ngunit pinigilan niya ako.

“No need. May susundo sa akin.” She smiled meaningfully and gave me a kiss.

“Mm… okay. Take care, Jade. I’m happy to see you…”

She tapped my shoulder, smiled at me, and walked to the door.

Noong sumara ang pinto, muli akong humiga at umungol sa panghihinayang. Damn it! Pang-ilang beses na ba ’to?

I dragged myself up and went out as I slammed my door shut. The kiddie song continued to roar in his room as I knocked continuously with my annoyed face.

“Come out and let’s talk!” I shouted.

Hindi niya agad iyon binuksan. I tried to open the doorknob, but I just confirmed that he locked it. Nagpalakad lakad ako sa harapan ng pinto habang nasa magkabilang gilid ng aking baywang ang kamay, at halos tingalain ang ceiling para lang makalma ang sarili na huwag ibunton sa kanya ang galit kahit kasalanan niya ’to!

Noong bumukas iyon, marahas ko siyang nilingon. I saw him glaring too while peeking half of his face on the ajar door, looking like a killer of the movies surveying its prey.

“Labas,” I ordered.

Nakakalalaki na talaga ang gagong ’to. Tanggap ko noong una na aksidente niya kaming nadisturbo, pero itong ikalawa, parang sinasadya niya. Does he mean to fucking disturb me?

Nagtungo ako sa kusina at nagsalin ng malamig na tubig para sa aking sarili. I heard the creaking sound of the door slowly closing. I gulped down the water in one shot and glanced at him as I wiped my mouth with my hand.

Nakahalukipkip siya, galit ang titig sa akin. I scoffed in disbelief and put the glass down aggressively, but then he flinched a bit.

Tingnan mo na! Ako pa ngayon ang magdadahan dahan dito kahit naman ang sarap magdabog pagkatapos ng ginawa niya.

“Your music is so loud. I am in the middle of something—”

“Ang ingay niyo. At hindi ko na ’yon kasalanan kung naiingayan din kayo sa tugtog ko eh kayo rin naman.” He cut me off.

Ang nakaparte kong labi, nag-aamba pang makipagsagutan sa kanya, nabitin sa ere.

“Then you should have used an earphone—”

“At wala akong earphone,” he added.

I looked at him unbelievably. Noong maalalang dalawa silang nawala ni Verena kanina, mabilis akong naglakad patungo sa kwarto niya. I opened it while he was so shocked that he pulled me roughly.

“Huwag ka ngang pumasok!” he barked.

His strength has no match for me, and I successfully peeked my head through the ajar door and checked his room, which was empty. Kaso mabilis din akong umungol nang bigla niyang hinila ang pinto pasara at naipit ang mukha ko!

Tang…ina! I groaned brutally as I pulled myself out of his room while he was pulling my bicep at the same time. Hawak ko ang aking ilong dahil pakiramdam ko, nabali pa yata!

This motherfucker is violent! Takot sa rahas at napapaigtad, pero siya mismo itong bayolente at ilang beses na yata akong sinaktan!

“Ang kulit mo!” he shouted and tried to open the door of his room so he could get away from me.

Dumilat ako at marahas siyang hinila palabas. But his arm was too slim to get a hold of it, so my hand immediately landed on his waist and pulled him out.

“You think I’ll let this slip, huh?” banta ko at sa rahas ng pagkakabangga niya sa akin, natisod pa siya.

I tried to catch him, but then I ended up falling on the floor first, which is where he landed. I heard him groan as my head banged against the floor. I groaned as well, holding my hand, while my other hand tried to protect him as I rested it against his back.

Noong dumilat, doon ko napagtanto ang posisyon namin. His face was slammed against my chest, and when he breathed, I felt it. Yumuko ako para tingnan lang siyang tumingala na rin, pulang pula ang ilong at pisngi, hindi ko alam dahil ba nasubsob, o talagang dahil galit siya, kasama ng matatalim niyang titig.

“Fuck,” I groaned again while touching my head. “Sumabog pa yata ang isa sa ugat ng ulo ko.”

He tried to push me, but I firmly gripped his waist so he wouldn’t get away and immediately flipped our position.

“Tatakas ka pa talaga sa akin huh.” Ngisi ko at mabilis na itinukod ang magkabilang kamay sa bawat gilid niya.

He was panting hard. His hair was disheveled, and I clearly saw the soft features of his face. Ngayon ko lang nakumpirma ang kulay ng mga mata niya. It’s almost golden. But not too amber. His T-shirt was such a mess that half of his stomach showed, including how his deep collarbone peeped.

Ang ngisi kong suot ay unti-unting napawi. Kung kanina ay galit, ngayon ay namamangha na naman. This man… is attractive.

I have never appreciated the men around me. Maybe I would find some handsome, but that’s it. I would not invest too much time staring at them like a creep, as if I were trying to solve a puzzle in my mind.

Unlike Shiloh…

My eyes curiously drifted to her parted lips as he was still panting. It was so wet, perhaps because he licked it every time he’s mad, that I unconsciously licked mine too.

“Are you offended when someone points out that you’re actually… a pretty boy?” I asked.

Nasa ekspresyon niya pa rin ang iritasyon na hindi ko na maalala kung para saan. I noticed that every time he was bright red, it matched the color of his lips. Lalo na’t maputi pa siya, kaya talagang kapansin pansin.

“Umalis ka nga!” Halos nag-amba ang tuhod niyang sipain ako ngunit mabilis ko nang sinalo dahil alam kong iyon na talaga ang masakit.

“Easy!” I warned and laughed.

Nagwawala siya sa ilalim ko. I tried to keep him still, but he’s so desperate to stand up that I needed to lower my body down just to calm him.

But I guess it was a mistake. Coz as soon as my body was near him, he shoved his face against my shoulder and bit it. I felt his teeth slightly penetrating the skin as his wet tongue touched it, and his hot breath mingling with the forceful bite he made like an angry cat. I groaned aggressively as I pinched the side of his waist just to stop him. It was painful, alright, but at the same time, it was stimulating, and I felt like I was in the middle of… I pinched his side even more just to stop him when I couldn’t endure it anymore. Sumigaw siya at nahaluan pa ng halakhak iyon habang nakita ko sa aking balikat ang marka ng kanyang mga ngipin.

His eyes widened. And we both know what was happening, since I felt it too, and I even tried to control it from happening, but it did. He pushed me aggressively, so this time I pulled myself out of his top as well. Dahil parang… kailangan ko nang lumayo talaga.

I scratched my nape and arched my brow.

“What? You bit me.” Tikhim ko para depensahan kung ano man ang naramdaman niya.

Mas lalo siyang namula at kita ko ang pandidiri sa mukha niya, halos umismid.

“What? Haven’t you tried it? Girls would bite my shoulder and… Oh right. You have no experience.” I smirked confidently as I found a way to win the argument.

“Tapos sa lalake?” Halos ngumiwi siya habang bumababa ang tingin doon.

Oh shit. Right… Right…

“I was in the middle of getting laid earlier if you didn’t disturb me. Doon ito galing.” Halos umirap ako.

Nanliit lalo ang mga mata niya sa akin. Noong maalalang may kasalanan pa ang isang ito sa akin, ako naman ang tumapang.

“Mag-usap tayo nang masinsinan. I’ll set some rules here. Baka nakakalimutan mong patong patong na ang kasalanan mo sa akin.” I folded my arms and looked at him with pure superiority.

Hindi siya natinag. I could sense that his main concern was what happened when he bit me. Tumikhim ako.

“I’ll take a cold shower first, and we’ll damn talk,” I hissed and walked past him.

Deri-deritso na ang lakad ko kahit dala dala ko rin ang alalahaning iyon. Pagkapasok sa shower room, halos pihitin ko ang malamig na tubig para lang mahimasmasan ako kung ano mang demonyong sumanib sa akin at ganito na ang pumapasok sa isip ko.

I rested my hands on the cold tiles as I crouched a bit and shut my eyes. Tang ina, Brent? Ano ’yon?

Maybe because I was too horny earlier when Jade and I were disturbed, I haven’t even had a chance to calm down a bit.

Right… It must have been because Jade and I were interrupted.

I turned the shower on full blast since I did not like what was flashing in my mind. And worse, it’s… making me twitch, oh damn it, good Lord! I think I need a damn exorcist to get these demons out of my mind.

Dumilat ako at halos umungol nang mapagtantong hindi bumababa. The cold shower wasn’t enough! Since when I was too damn horny that… I needed… to fucking…

“Who are you, asshole?” Halos ilingan ko ang sarili nang makita sa salamin ang aking mukha, pagkatapos mapagod sa loob ng banyo.

“Wait. That’s normal. Yes… If I wouldn’t do that, then it might only hurt my belly. Yes…” Tumango tango ako habang nagbibihis ng shirt sa harap ng salamin.

“And you did the right thing.” I pointed my face in the reflection of the mirror. “And maybe, there were really these kinds of instances that you’d… hmm…” Nagtagal ang paninitig ko sa sarili at medyo naantala rin ang pagbubutones.

I sighed and shut my eyes. I rested the sides of my hand on the mirror as I looked at myself again. Naiwang hindi nakasara ang iilang butones at sumilip ang dibdib ko. Looking at it, the memory earlier flashed when he shoved his face. Hinawi ko ng kaonti ang damit sa balikat at nakita ang marka ng kanyang ngipin.

“This might be… just… normal?” I said as I slowly rubbed it with my finger and tilted my head to see it more clearly.

A brotherly bond? Oh please. The fucker doesn’t even consider you his friend.

Ngumuso ako at nagkatinginan kami ng sarili ko. Looking more at myself made me laugh. Gago.

“Yes, Brent. It’s like a natural disaster that you have no control of. Of course, he fell and you stumbled down too. Nasubsob siya. What am I supposed to do at that moment? Push him until he flies up in the ceiling? Gano’n ba?”

Convincing.

I nodded again and stood straight. But every time I would look at myself, I would only laugh a bit.

“Man… you’re a creep. Get a hold of yourself. Natatakot na ako sa’yo.” I shook my head and turned my back.

Mag-uusap pa kami no’n ah? Lumabas din naman ako at nadatnan siya sa kusina na nagsasalin ng tubig para sa kanya. Noong nilingon niya ako, at makitang namumula pa rin siya, inangat ko ang aking kilay para maging natural iyon sa aming dalawa.

Besides, we’re both men here. At siya ang kumagat sa akin! Siya ang may patong patong na kasalanan sa akin! Siya ang may atraso! Hindi ako! Knowing that he’s getting along with my Verena—Oh right! Now I’m pissed.

Kung kanina ay halos pilitin ko ang sariling magmukhang seryoso, ngayon ay sinamaan ko na talaga ng tingin. Gagong ’to ah. Akala niya siguro malulusutan niya ako?

“Let’s set some rules here,” I demanded seriously.

Humarap siya ngunit nanatili sa kusina at doon humilig sa sink habang sumisimsim ng tubig.

“Bawal si Verena sa condo na ’to,” agap ko.

He looked at me with pure curiosity until he slowly realized why.

“Bakit? Tingin mo dadalhin ko rin siya rito?” he countered.

My eyes widened. Harap harapan ba naman akong inahas! I stepped forward when I lost my shit together just to close the gap. Nakangisi akong tumigil sa harap niya at hinila ang kwelyo niya.

“I told you, she’s mine,” I said with a serious face, pulling his neckline more so his face would at least close the gap…

He pushed me. Binasa ko ang labi at itinulak ang dulo ng dila sa gilid ng aking bibig.

“Hindi ka tipo ng babae kaya respetuhin mo,” giit niya.

Parang hindi ko kayang matanggap ang harap-harapang pang-aahas sa akin. Now I know the reason why mom was desperate to increase my allowance coz she knew she needed to motivate me because I’d seriously throw this fucker out of my unit any time soon.

Chapter 7

Difference

“Wala ka namang kwentang kaibigan!” Sadie’s high-pitched tone resonated all throughout the gym as soon as she stepped her foot in.

Malakas ang suntok ko sa punching bag na yumanig nang nagmartsa siya palapit sa akin. I did some kicks of its sides using my leg while I could see in my peripheral vision that she was upset.

“Sinabi kong ilakad mo sa akin, pero bakit napapabalitaan kong magkasama sila ni Verena na nawala sa gabing iyon?! Wala ka talagang kwenta, Brent!” she ranted more while crossing her arms.

I stopped throwing punches and walked to the bench where I had left my things. I crouched down and opened my duffel bag as I pulled the towel out.

“Pag dating ko, wala kana rin! Inuna mo pa mambabae! At ano, si Jade na naman?! Akala ko ba tapos kana roon?! Ano ’yon, nagpapalit palit kana?! Tingnan mo, wala ka kasing kwenta kaya kinakarma kana!” Sadie’s high pitched voice kept ring against my eardrum.

But my own thoughts were so loud and defeaning that I couldn’t hear a single word she uttered. That’s not important anyways…

Sa sobrang iritasyon ko na umalis sa condo unit, halos ilabas ko dito sa gym.

I reached for the mineral water and opened it. Tinungga ko iyon ngunit biglang sumabog ang tubig sa mukha ko at pumasok pa yata sa ilong ko kaya nauubo ko iyong inilayo.

“Ano?! Ano?! Nakikinig ka ba?!” sigaw niyang muli.

Sadie squeezed my water! Minsan nakakalimutan ko talagang babae ang isang ’to. Maliit naman sana pero lagpas sa katangkaran ko ang ugali.

“You know what? I’m still regretting why I didn’t punch your crush in the face earlier. Inaahas ako,” I said in a thick voice.

Her eyes widened. “Huh?! So… totoo ’yung sa kanila ni Verena?!”

“You think I’d allow it? Subukan niya nang sira ang mukha niya sa’kin…” pagbabanta ko at nakita ang mukha niya sa isip ko.

I’m not even sure if I could punch that face of his. Makinis. Parang ako pa yata ang manghihinayang kung magkakapasa. Imagine those soft lips having a cut. It’s… an… eyesore.

Mas lalo akong nairita sa iniisip at nilagok ang natitirang tubig na muling pinisil ni Sadie kaya halos maubo ako. Papatayin pa yata ako ng isang ’to.

“Anong sira?! Suntukin mo ’yon at lagot ka sa akin!” She glared at me.

Tingnan mo na ang dwendeng ito. Akala mo talaga at may magagawa kung sinuntok ko ’yon. At pasalamat siya, ayokong magkapasa ang mukha niya. He must thank me for having this little patience every time he’s in his demonic mode, or else he’d have gotten a broken nose right then.

Sadie didn’t stop bugging me. Parang asong buntot nang buntot. She really likes that fucker, huh. At mas mabuting silang dalawa ang magkatuluyan nang mawala sa buhay ko na rin itong babaeng ito dahil yamot na yamot na ako. Sometimes I would question why we’re close, but then our friends said she’s my counterpart, my girl version. Am I this damn annoying?

“Kasi akin lang dapat siya,” she demanded as soon as we went into a nearby coffee shop, and she was behind me whispering like a devil.

Problemado pa nga ako sa allowance ko, dumagdag pa ito.

Umiling ako sa sarili habang naglalabas ng pera para bayaran ang order niya na strawberry cake. Kaya siguro gusto niya si Shiloh kasi parehas sila ng hilig. I could imagine them as a couple. They would pass like those corny couples I cringe at a lot on social media.

“Kaya ako ang ilakad mo kung ayaw mong si Verena ang punta nang punta sa condo mo!” she ranted more.

It irks me. Lalo na’t ang huling sinabi ni Shiloh, respetuhin ko raw kung hindi ako gusto ng babae. Anong respeto? Ipipilit ko ang sa amin ni Verena magkamatayan man.

Dinala ko ang order namin sa table. Bumuntot siya sa akin. I dragged my own chair, but she already occupied it and rested her elbows on the table. Kaya talaga hindi ko ito pinatulan kailanman kasi ganito ang galawan. Kulang nalang mag-amok lagi.

“Hindi kaya sila bagay ni Verena,” she started as soon as I occupied the seat too.

“Mas bagay kami,” sabi ko.

“And I have a big plan, Brent. Imbitahan mo dapat ako lagi sa condo unit mo. Alam mo ’yon, nadedevelop pa naman ang feelings pag lagi mong kasama at nakikita,” she said while busy on her piece of cake.

Nagkasalubong ang kilay ko. “And where did you get that kind of belief?”

“Gano’n ’yon! S’yempre may technique kaming mga girls para makuha ang crush namin. Hindi niyo lang alam na pag nafafall na kayo sa amin, talagang planado na ’yon.”

“That’s creepy.” Ngumiwi ako.

“At sinong mas creepy?! Isang sulyap mo lang, gusto mo agad ikama?!”

I raised my brow. “If I am that asshole, I should have gotten in your pants a long time ago. But I didn’t.”

“Alam mo, Brent, sa dami ng babaeng pinatulan mo, minsan hindi na ako magtataka sa’yo kung magsasawa kana sa babae.”

I scoffed and ate half of the sandwich I ordered. I was roughly chewing it while watching her nails with strawberry prints take a small amount of cake in a very girly way.

“Masarap ba ’yan?” tanong ko nang titigan ko iyon ng matagal.

“Huh? Alin? Ito? You don’t like strawberries…” aniya at isinubo iyon.

“I’ll order one for that demon in my room,” I said nonchalantly as I sipped on my drink.

“Ay para kay Shiloh? Ako na ang magbabayad. Libre ko.” Ngisi niya at kinuha ang kanyang wallet palabas.

I looked at her unbelievably.

“Mahiya ka naman sa akin. Ako ang pinabayad mo sa kinain mo, tapos ililibri mo ’yung isa? Ako na.”

She made faces and opened the zipper of her cute wallet.

“Ako na! Para naman kiligin siya sa akin!”

Umismid ako. “Ako na. He might think you’re obsessive with him, and you’d creep him out.”

Bumagal ang pagkuha niya sa pera. I saw the yellow bill she was planning to pull out. Nasama pa ang isang blue na sumilip din ng kaonti. At wala pang pera ’yan ha.

“Eh ang laki nga ng ngisi mo pag binibigyan ka ng mga pagkain ng mga admirers mo.”

“Because I’m used to the attention. Unlike Shiloh, it seems like he’s not the kind of man who’s comfortable with girls giving him signals.”

Huminahon siya at muling ibinalik ang pera sa pitaka.

“Sabagay… Hindi nga naman siya katulad sa’yo na babaero.”

I looked at the cake again. I’m not really fond of sweets, but I wonder why he likes them.

“So… ano nalang ang gagawin ko?” Sadie asked problematically.

“I’ll set you up on a date with him.”

Ngumisi siya ng malawak.

“Kaya sabi ko, kaibiganin mo si Verena. You’re a girl. She would immediately get comfortable with you. Saka mo ako ilakad.”

“Gago ka talaga. Eh alam no’n gaano ka patay na patay sa kanya! At hindi ko gusto kaibigannin ang babaeng iyon. She has that air I don’t like. Alam mo ’yon. Parang…” she pinched her lower lip.

“Ano? Don’t talk shit about her. Look in the mirror before you judge her,” I defended.

“Wow Brent! Sa demonyo mong ’yan ha?”

I only smirked and stuffed the last piece of sandwich in my mouth. I stood and pointed at the front, to which she nodded as I took my wallet out.

Ang kapal ng mukha ng lalakeng ’yon. Kung hindi lang hinabilin ni mommy hahayaan kong mamatay sa gutom ang isang ’yon.

I ordered another cake for him. I made it two and included some drinks too.

“That strawberry-flavored drink,” sabi ko nang mamili ng drinks.

Hinatid ko muna si Sadie kung saang lupalop man siya pupunta. Ni hindi pa nag-ambag ng gas pero kung makasuhestyon kanina na siya ang manlilibre kay Shiloh ang lakas ng loob. That girl is really a headache. Imagine if she ended up with Shiloh…

I pursed my lips as I drove back to my condo unit while thinking about it. I tried to picture them together. Maingay ’yung isa tapos tahimik at mahiyain si Shiloh.

Pagdating, naglakad ako patungo sa kuwarto. Nag-aamba na akong kumatok nang maalala ang nangyari kanina.

I paused and stared at the door. Bumaba rin ang tingin ko sa hawak na binili. The fuck does he care if I buy food for him while I’m mad?

I roughly knocked and opened the door as I entered. Sa galit ko sa kanya kanina, hindi ko na inaya ng gym. Mabulok siya dito kung gusto niya! Dahil baka kung nasa gym siya, at sa iritasyon ko, siya pa ang isabit kong punching bag.

Mabilis ko siyang nahanap sa kama niya. Nakatalukbong ng kumot at medyo naalarma kaya napaahon sa pagkakahiga habang may kung anong pinapanood sa iPad niya. His disheveled hair kissed his thick brows as his eyes drifted to the food I brought.

I rolled my eyes at him and walked to the bedside table as I put the food I bought.

“Inutusan ako ni Mommy,” rason ko at malamig siyang tiningnan.

He looked so curious. Namulsa ako at seryoso siyang tiningnan.

“Strawberry flavored…” I mentioned boredly.

He nodded and wrapped himself in the thick comforter again.

“Lumabas kana.”

I gritted my teeth.

Ang kapal talaga ng mukha ng isang ’to! Binilhan na ng pagkain, hinatid ko pa rito sa mismong kuwarto niya, tapos siya pa ang may ganang itaboy ako! Hindi man lang nagpasalamat? Ang sarap damputin at ihagis sa bintana.

Nanatili akong nakatayo. I tilted my head to see the movie he was watching. Lumingon siya sa akin. I cleared my throat.

“What?”

“Lumabas kana,” ulit niya, parang madre tingnan lalo na’t nakatalukbong pa ng kumot ang ulo.

I scoffed and pushed him. “Move.”

“Lumabas kana nga!” Namumula siya nang tingnan ako.

I didn’t listen and took my shoes off my feet. Hah! This boy really thinks he can order me around, huh?

“Why are you so pressed over normal things?” sabi ko at hinila ang t-shirt sa aking likuran.

His eyes widened. Natataranta siyang umalis sa kama ngunit hinuli ko agad ang kamay niya.

“A-Ano ba!” he panicked.

“Chill! Mainit kaya gusto kong maghubad…” I laughed but he glared at me more.

I slowly realized it. Tumikhim ako at tiningnan ang t-shirt ko.

Grabeng kaartehan. Doesn’t he allowed boys to come shirtless when spending time with him? Hindi siya… komportable?

Binawi niya ang kamay sa iritasyon kaya napakawalan ko iyon. I laid on my stomach and took one of his pillows as I hugged it and rested my chin.

“M-Magdamit ka nga!” he snarled and attempted to pull my arm.

I smirked inwardly coz I knew he wouldn’t even move me with that body of his. Sa inis niya, nag-amba siyang agawin ang iPad kaya mabilis ko siyang pinigilan.

“Hey! You’re too much! Nagmamagandang loob ’yung tao sa’yo…” Pinaningkitan ko siya ng tingin. “I bought you a damn food and you should be grateful. The least thing you could do is at least treat me right.”

“Si Tita naman ang nagpahabilin niyan,” he countered.

“Kung hindi kita bibilhan, tingin mo may magagawa si mommy? That’s my own effort.”

Kumalma siya ng kaonti. There there. The demon was slowly tamed…

I tapped the space next to me and coaxed him to join me.

Umirap siya at nagtungo sa pader. Rinig ko kung gaano ka rahas ang paghampas niya sa switch ng ilaw na agarang ikamatay noon. I curled my lips and controlled my laugh. Damn cute.

Umalog ang kama. He copied my position and laid on his stomach as well. Sa gilid ng mga mata ko, pinapanood ko siya. I don’t understand the movie he’s watching, but the cartoons have cute cinematography.

“What’s this movie?” I asked curiously.

“Ghibli,” he said with hostility.

“What’s the meaning of Ghibli? That’s a weird title—”

“Shh! Lumabas kana nga lang!” Irita niya akong tiningnan.

I pursed my lips. Hayop na ’to. Nagtatanong lang ang init agad ng ulo.

The dim room bothered me for a while. Ang tanging liwanag lang ay sa iPad na nanggagaling doon. He looked so serious wathing it, as it only highlighted his long lashes and how curvy they were.

My eyes would sometimes glance at him, but I would immediately take them back in front. He’s really a pretty boy. Ang tangos ng ilong at maliit ang mukha. The cute thing about his face were his cheeks. They looked squishy, like marshmallows. Napapansin ko iyon minsan pag ngumunguya siya lalo na’t lumulobo.

He shouldn’t go to the gym. Right… It’s such a waste if he loses those squishy cheeks of his. Baka sa halip na… kumalma ako… mairita pa ako lalo sa mukha… Thank God his face calms me down, or else…

“Nanonood ka ba?” he asked.

“Mm?” I asked, a bit lost.

Doon ko napagtantong nakatingin na pala ako sa kanya. I slowly took my eyes away from him, amused by the scene, and laughed.

“What’s this cartoon? A fire eating a shell of eggs… You like fantasy movies? And what are you, five?”

“Ang ingay mo talaga. Lumabas kana nga lang.” He glared at me.

“What? Sinasabi ko lang ang opinyon ko. The fire talks. How am I supposed to shut my mouth if it’s kind of weird? This kind of cartoons are for five-year-old kids—”

Nahinto ako sa kakasalita nang hinampas niya sa akin ang malambot na unan. Damn violent. I haven’t laid a finger on him, and yet he has violated me a lot of times.

Kung gagantihan ko siya, ako pa itong mapapasama dahil sigurado akong wasak talaga siya.

I stopped talking so I wouldn’t piss him off. I tried to concentrate since the cinematography is very clear and entertaining. I didn’t know that cartoons nowadays are of this high quality? Sa naaalala ko, hindi naman ganito ’yung Ben Ten noon.

“This one seems entertaining,” I commented when the old lady turned into a pretty woman.

I whistled. “Are they gonna fuck?” Ngisi ko at nilingon siya. “They seemed like clickin’. But imagine it if she turned into a granny in the middle of—”

“Kung sanay kang laging may porn sa pinapanood mo, huwag mong idamay sa Ghibli.”

Ang seryoso ng isang ’to. Hindi mabiro. Umiling ako at sinikap na magseryoso. Ang hirap sabayan ng gusto. Baka makatulog pa ako kakasabay ko.

I yawned and tried to entertain myself since he didn’t want to talk to me. This kind of movie is out of my genre, but it’s pretty entertaining. Nakakaantok lang talaga. Idagdag pa ang amoy ng kuwarto niya… at ang lambot ng kama…

I felt his elbow when I moved a bit. He flinched and moved away. Nagkasalubong ang kilay ko ngunit hindi na nagsalita tungkol doon.

“Did you get her number?” I asked out of nowhere.

“Hiningi niya kaya binigay ko…”

That damn woman. Ang ilap ilap sa akin… tapos dito kay Shiloh kulang nalang itapon niya ang sarili niya sa kanya. Eh kung tutuusin mas hot pa ako dito. Mas malaki ang katawan ko. Hindi siya magsisisi sa akin kung ako ang pinili niya.

I rested my elbow on the bed and put my knuckles on the side of my head as I faced him.

“Date Sadie instead,” I suggested.

Kita ko ang hindi niya pagsang-ayon.

“Sadie is hot too. She’s pretty annoying, but you might like her. Bagay naman kayo. Magpapakabait ’yon sa’yo.”

“Kung hindi ka manonood, lumabas ka nalang.” He kept his eyes on the movie.

I pressed my lips together and glanced at the movie again. But then, my eyes drifted back to him.

“You’re pretty entertaining to watch too. What’s the difference?” I chuckled.

Chapter 8

Girlfriend

“Ano ba kasing ginagawa mo, Brent?” Mommy leered at me as soon as I answered her video call.

I twisted my tongue to stop myself from laughing. Tumikhim ako at pilit na nagseryoso habang payuko yuko.

“Ang sabi ko, pakisamahan mo. Pakitunguhan mo.”

“That’s what I’m doin—”

“Eh ano ’yung sumbong niya? Pakialamero ka raw,” my mom hissed.

I pursed my lips. Naalala ko ang mga dumadaang araw kung saan lagi ko siyang pinapasok sa kuwarto niya at madalas siyang maasar.

His room smells nice. I liked how smooth his bed was compared to mine. And I’m kind of used to the smell of strawberries lately. Isa pa, ayaw niya namang sumama mag gym. At kumukuha pa ulit ako ng tyempo na ipakilala siya sa iba kong circles.

“I won’t increase your allowance. Nakakahiya sa Tita Solene mo pag nalaman niyang hindi maganda ang pakikitungo mo kay Shiloh.”

Man… This is too much. Sarili kong ina, pinagdadamutan ako dahil sinisiraan ako ni Shiloh. And what’s wrong if we bond? What’s wrong if… I invade his personal space? If I wanted to fit in?

The last word made my brows knit, so I cleared my throat and licked my lower lip.

“I have my own fund, mom—”

“Let me remind you that you bought your last fund with your car, young boy. You’re broke.” She looked at me confidently.

“And where’s my savings, Ma’am?” I asked tauntingly.

I saw the sudden change in her expression from confident to nervous. Parang magkakasumbatan na naman yata rito ng mga gastos niya simula palang noong nasa sinapupunan ako. I could smell it coming out of her mouth.

“Oh.. I haven’t told you yet. Ginamit ko muna ang funds mo. Babayaran ko naman. And stop complaining, Brent. Sino bang nagf-fund sa ibang luho mo bago ka nagka sariling pera?”

I rolled my eyes with a smile on my lips. Makikipagtalo pa ba ako sa ganyang usapin?

“Malalagot ka talaga sa akin, Brent. Kung hindi kayo magkakasundo mapipilitan talaga akong ilipat ka,” banta ni mommy.

At mapapalayas pa yata ako sa sarili kong condo unit.

“You should be a good example to him! Hindi kitang pinalaking ganyan, Brent…”

At itatakwil pa yata ako ng sarili kong ina.

Ngumuso ako at nagpigil na may masabi. She’s always extra emotional over petty things, while Dad was the unbothered one. Minsan si mommy, problemado na at akala mo nakapatay na ako sa sobrang stress kahit minor cases lang naman. O kahit ganitong problema lang naman.

“Treat him like a baby, Brent! He’s fragile!”

“What? Should I cradle him in my arms while singing a lullaby?” I chuckled.

Mommy leered at me. “Do you think I’m joking, Brent?”

I bowed my head more as I laughed a bit and ran my finger through my hair.

“And please, samahan mo siyang magpa-enroll! Sabay na kayo pumunta lagi sa school total may kotse ka naman.”

Ginawa pa akong driver.

“Baka si Shiloh pala ang anak mo, mom?” Ngisi ko nang umahon ang aking ulo.

“Arts daw ang kukunin no’n!” patuloy niya sa lintanya at hindi na pinansin ang opinyon ko.

Woah…

“Really? He’s good at arts?” Napaayos ako ng upo at interesadong titingnan si mommy.

“Hindi mo ba nakita ang mga paintings no’n?”

Hindi ko nga nakikitang ngumingiti, ang paintings pa kaya? And wow, knowing that Verena is also an art student, I felt like fate was really trolling me. Kulang nalang isampal mismo sa akin na hindi pabor ang tadhana sa amin.

“Hindi nga kayo close. Hindi ka talaga pinagkakatiwalaan…” she sighed as if I were such a disappointment.

Wala na yata akong nagawang tama sa paningin simula noong dumating si Shiloh sa unit ko.

In the two weeks that he’s been here, I’ve set him up on a date with Sadie and let them bond. Maybe he got mad because of it kaya nagsumbong na kay mommy. Ganoon niya ba kay ayaw kay Sadie?

I don’t usually invite Sadie into my unit. Ayaw rin no’n dahil baka maissue pa raw kaming dalawa. Pero ngayon, ako naman ang ayaw. Bahala si Shiloh kung saan niya ’yan dadahin. Huwag lang dito at baka pag-umpugin ko pa silang dalawa.

But I wonder why… he never invited her to come over? Baka naman… ayaw sa maiingay? Is that also the reason why he doesn’t like being around me? Hmm…

“Bibili nalang din ako ng gamit, mom. I need a new laptop,” I reminded as soon as I remembered the class next week.

She nodded absentmindedly as she looked so done with me. “Please Brent… Si Shiloh…”

“Fine, fine… I’ll stop bugging him.”

Nanliit ang mga mata niya. “So you really did something to him? Pinapakialaman mo nga?”

I chuckled again and ran my hair through my fingers.

“Mom, he’s a guy. What is he supposed to do here? That’s why I set him up on a date—”

“Gagong bata ka!” her voice raised. “Brent!” Hindi ko alam kung galit ba si Mommy o natatawa.

Ngumuso ako lalo. Kitang kita sa camera ang mapuputi kong ngipin sa tuwing tatakas ang ngiti sa aking labi. The pendant of my necklace hung freely on my neck while I was shirtless.

“I thought he would like it if…”

She leered at me more. “Tinanong mo ba siya kung gusto niya iyong babae?”

I scratched my back as my eyes squinted. Baka malaglag lalo ang panga niya kung sasabihin kong si Sadie mismo ang nagpapabugaw sa sarili niya kay Shiloh. Halos utusan na akong itapon siya sa lalakeng iyon. I just pulled some strings so they would at least know each other.

And I want Shiloh to entertain her. He might like her in the long run. Isa pa… gusto ko rin talaga na may girlfriend siya.

Mommy’s long ass litany went over and over. Oh, thank God my phone died because it’s low batt. I got an excuse to end it. Besides, it wasn’t a big deal. She’s just making a fuss about it. Mga lalake naman kami. She should just let us handle it.

Sinama ko siya sa enrollment sa araw na iyon sa school. Gusto ko sanang prangkahin sa tawag ni mommy pero ayoko nang nakikipagtalo sa isang ’to. Kakaiba pa naman sumagot.

“Hey. Mom’s pretty overdramatic. Stop telling her things,” I started nonchalantly as I adjusted the aircon and pushed it in his direction.

“Sinabi ko lang naman na pakialamero ka at totoo naman,” he answered in his usual hostile and distant tone.

“Ayaw mo ba kay Sadie? Should I find you another chic?” I tilted my head, trying to at least see a glimpse of his face.

His cheek was red, or maybe it was natural since he’s paper white. It was the color of his lips that always piqued my curiosity. Minsan didilaan ko nalang din ang labi ko kakatitig.

“And I told you, Verena’s off limits.”

“Edi sa’yo na. Akala mo naman papatulan ka.”

See? That’s why I don’t like talking to him coz I hate how he answers.

Pagdating sa school, bumungad agad ang mga estudyante na magpapaenroll rin. Nasa gilid ko lang siya, tahimik ngunit kuryoso ang paggala ng tingin.

“Brent!” the group of familiar faces called me when they saw me.

I smirked as we bumped into each other’s shoulders while I tapped some of them.

“Nakita namin si Verena. Mukhang paganda nang paganda pa naman…” ngisi nila.

I glanced at Shiloh, who was looking at them curiously, but I could feel his guard. Inakbayan ko siya at pinakilala.

“This is Shiloh, by the way.”

Tinanguan siya ng iilan at kinamayan. Shiloh seems cooperative, as he shook their hands as well and tried to give them a smile.

“May mga bagong recruit siguro this semester. Sasali ba siya sa varsity?” someone asked.

Umiling ako. “He doesn’t like basketball.”

I could feel that he had calmed down because of what I said. Napilitan lang din naman ito noong pinasali ko. And seeing how he moves on the court, I could tell he’s not into sports. Ayoko ring maulit ang nangyari noon.

I was greeted by a lot of familiar students. Boys and girls. At sa bawat babae yata na papansin sa akin, titingin din kay Shiloh at hahagikhik. In no time, this boy will earn a lot of admirers coz he’s a pretty boy. A lot of girls like those boys because they seem so angelic and scream gentleness.

“Uy Shiloh!” bati ng iba kong kaibigang naipakilala ko na sa kanya.

“Anong course mo?” I heard the cheerful questions of the girls while I blended with the boys.

We were talking about the new faces in the school, especially the new enrollees. Whew. Knowing Shiloh is one of them…

“Talaga, Arts?! May mga paintings ka ba?! Patingin nga?!” the girls were so loud as they crowded him.

I slightly glanced at them and saw the smile on Shiloh’s face as he manipulated his phone. Ngumuso ako at kunot-noong bumaling sa boys na may pinag-uusapang Alessandra ang pangalan.

“First year. Nursing.” Mavric smirked as he showed the Facebook account of the girl.

Dumungaw din ako. She’s wearing a bikini picture on her profile, and we all know where to settle our eyes. Bababa na sana ang tingin ko kaso naantala sa mukha niya lalo na’t may kumuha ng interes sa akin. She smiled beamly and I noticed her cheek so I immediately glanced at Shiloh to check what was he’s been doing.

“Salamat,” he laughed a little as the girls were now invested in their topic.

“’Di ba, ang ganda? Nineteen na raw eh. At single. I also stalked her. Nakita ko ’yung huling post at mukhang ex yata. Para ngang natusok ng alambre ang mukha at butas butas,” one of the boys commented that I didn’t pay too much attention.

“Tang ina. Baka ginayuma?”

“Nagloko daw ’to eh.”

“Hayop. Nagloko pa ang mukhang ’to?”

“Anak din ng business tycoon. Baka pinatulan. Pero dahil masakit sa mata, hindi na nakayanan.” They laughed.

“Mas gwapo pa ako dito eh.”

“I think I know her favorite position. Baka laging sa likod para hindi kailangang magkaharap.” Sumabog ang hagalpakan at nag-apir sila.

“Daanan natin ’to sa first subject next week. Damn she’s even big.”

“May mas malaki pa diyan. ’Yung new friend ni Angela na si Jessie,” I heard the whispers as they glanced at the girls.

Inalis ko ang nakatuko kong kamay at nagdesisyong lumapit na sa mga girls nang di makayanan kakatingin.

“Brent!” Ang naaalarmang tinig ng mga boys.

“Ang bilis talaga nito dumiskarte. Nalaman lang na malaki…” I couldn’t hear their fading voice.

Deritso na ang lapit ko sa mga girls. Napatingin sila Angela sa akin lalo na’t inakbayan ko agad si Shiloh at dumungaw kung ano man ang pinagkakaguluhan nila.

“What’s up?” I asked while wearing my smile just to fit into their topic.

My eyes drifted to Shiloh’s phone as he held it while showing it to the girls. Suot niya pa ang ngiti niya nang lingunin ako. I curiously wrapped my hand around his wrist and pulled it a little closer to me.

Medyo napapawi ang ngiti niya. My brow raised as I saw the paintings, which were actually good. Knowing I’m a fan of museums because I’m into the arts, seeing his paintings amused me. Magaling siya.

“Talented pala si Shiloh eh. Nalalamangan ka!” Angela laughed.

“It doesn’t matter. I’ll get myself an artist student this year…” I smirked at the girls.

“Sus, yabang! Si Verena na naman! Last year ’yan din ang sinabi mo! Pero hindi ka naman pinapansin!”

I only chuckled and crawled my hand at the back of Shiloh’s hand so I could join it as I swiped my thumb from the other photos.

“Si Verena? ’Yung… second year?” One of the new girls, which was probably Jessie, asked.

Ang nakatuko kong kamay sa balikat ni Shiloh ay pinangpisil ko ng pang-ibabang labi habang patuloy na nagswipe sa mga pictures na mukhang album pa yata.

I could feel Shiloh wanting to pull his hand out from the back of his phone, which was sandwiched by my hand. But because I was swiping some photos, he couldn’t let go of his phone because I pinned mine against its back.

“You’re good,” I said, glancing at him.

“Talaga?” He looked at me with a doubt.

“Ahuh…” I smiled and nodded.

“Crush na crush ’yon ni Brent,” si Angela ang sumagot sa mga kuryosong tanong ni Jessie.

I only looked at her once, who immediately flushed, and then I took my eyes back on Shiloh’s paintings.

When I swiped and noticed that there were no more paintings, I swiped back and looked at the other paintings again.

“Babaero ’yan,” I heard the girls whisper to Jessie, who seemed enthralled, staring at me with her twinkling eyes.

I rubbed my lower lip using my finger as I smirked a little and zoomed in on the intricate design of his landscape, which was a sunset in the field of the strawberry farm.

“Brent!” Sadie’s familiar voice boomed.

Lumingon lahat ng ulo nila. And even Shiloh glanced at where she was located. Ngunit dahil hindi naman ako lumingon, medyo bumalandra sa tingin niya ang nakayuko kong ulo. My eyes went to the side and I looked at him too until we locked gazes. I arched my brow for a warning.

“Hello, Shiloh…” Sadie greeted who’s now beside him.

Tumikhim si Shiloh at nilingon siya sa kabila. I took my hand out of his and walked back to the boys.

“Brent! Halika muna!” si Angela na may sinesenyas.

So instead of walking back, I went near them. Pansin ko agad ang pamumula ng pisngi noong Jessie. My eyes drifted to the neckline of her top as I wore my smile.

“Si Jessie pala,” Angela introduced.

“Hi…” she greeted enthusiastically and handed her hand.

“Hi.” I smiled and took her hand.

“Brent!” tawag ng mga boys.

Nilingon ko sila at tinanguan. I looked at the girls and excused myself. Nilingon ko saglit sila Shiloh. I saw him looking at me, so I arched my brow and broke eye contact.

If I were him, I’d get myself a girlfriend… Well, let’s see…

After enrolling ourselves, our circles became more crowded as my other circle joined. They were now crowding Shiloh as I introduced him again, and Sadie boldly announced that he was off limits.

Parehas nga yata kaming dalawa. When they said she was my counterpart, I now realized that they were talking about how we are both assuming.

“Huh? Anong layuan ko siya?” Sadie glared at me as soon as I talked to her privately for a moment.

“Nagsumbong kay Mommy,” I said problematically, running my fingers through my hair.

She frowned. “Ayaw niya sa akin?”

“Pinilit ko nga lang tapos magtataka ka pa?” I laughed.

She frowned even more. Namaywang ako ag binasa ang labi. Ano bang magandang gawin sa dalawang ito?

“Give him some space for a while. Let him come to you. Badshot na ako kay mommy. Binabantaan na akong palalayasin sa condo at tatanggalin ng allowance.” Iling ko.

“Ano bang sabi niya kay Tita?”

“Hmm… pakialamero raw ako. I’ve been invading his personal space just to convince him to date you. I tried my best, alright. Just wait until he’s not that shy enough to man up and hang out with you without getting forced by me.”

Lumukot ang ekspresyon ni Sadie pero ramdam ko ang pagsang-ayon niya. When she nodded, I was quite relieved that she wouldn’t give me more headaches since I needed to build Shiloh’s trust in me first. I needed a good impression so he could change his perception of me and tell my mom that I’m not setting him up anymore.

“Don’t set him up with someone else, okay?” may pagbabanta sa tinig niya.

“At kanino naman? Kay Verena? Tsss…” I rolled my eyes.

Maybe it’s better if Shiloh doesn’t have a girlfriend yet? Sinubukan ko naman na. Ayos na ’yon. I tried to set him up, but he doesn’t like it. So I should respect his boundaries and let him figure things out about girls.

Kung pipilitin ko siyang mambabae, baka mapalayas na ako sa sariling unit ko. Siya pa yata ang anak sa aming dalawa.

I’m relieved but bothered at the same time. Though I didn’t pay too much attention to it as we went back to our circles.

Sadie walked to the girls instead of sticking to Shiloh, who was still crowded by the others. Nakita ko ang pagsunod niya ng tingin kay Sadie at medyo naging kuryoso. He glanced at me, so I arched my brow again as I locked gazes with him.

Nagkayayaan kumain. We went to a nearby restaurant, where we all dined, and it occupied a big space lalo na’t lagpas fifteen kami. Kulang pa nga ’to sa laki at lawak ng circles ko.

“Brent,” tawag ni Angela at tapik sa upuang katabi ni Jessie.

I saw how Shiloh looked at the empty chair Angela was talking about, and the empty chair beside him. Lumingon saglit si Shiloh sa akin pero agarang binawi at bumaling sa katabing babae na kinakausap siya.

“Dito na.” Ngisi ko kay Angela at inukupa ang katabing upuan ni Shiloh.

“Girlfriend mo raw si Sadie?” I heard the curious question of the girl beside him.

“Ah hindi…” he shook his head gently.

“Pero type mo? Gusto mo siguro? Nanliligaw ka? Maganda pa naman si Sadie…”

I spread my leg until the side touched the side of his leg too, which flinched him a bit. I took the menu while laughing at the boys topic as I tried to join with them and even gave a high five to Mavric.

“Hmm… Maganda nga,” Shiloh commented.

Itinuko ko ang isa kong siko sa likod ng upuan niya kaya medyo lumingon si Shiloh sa akin. Dala ko pa ang ngisi nang magkatinginan kami at ibinigay sa kanya ang menu.

“Choose. I’ll pay,” I offered.

Chapter 9

Hard

Shiloh seems to be having fun with the girls and he’s laughing with them. Nakaakbay na sa kanyang upuan ang kamay ko habang tamad ko siyang pinapanood na nawawala ang mga mata pag tumatawa.

See that? He’s prettier when he smiles. And he seems comfortable with them as he converses enthusiastically, which I rarely see.

“Shiloh! Sleepover tayo! Sali ka sa amin!” it was Angela.

“Talaga? Sige!” He nodded and smiled.

Jessie whispered something to Angela, which is why Angela looked at me.

“Brent, sali ka sa sleepover.”

“Yeah, sure,” I answered absentmindedly.

“Anong sleepover? Kayo lang? Kami rin!” the boys.

“Sa kabilang kwarto kayo kung sasama man kayo!” si Angela.

“Tabi tayo sa sleepover!” the girl beside Shiloh.

I craned my neck a bit to see the girl, who was very obvious. Kung nandito si Sadie, sinakal na ako no’n pag nalaman niyang hinahayaan kong lumandi itong si Shiloh.

But I’m curious about his answer, so I waited until someone caught my attention.

“Is that Denver?” Kunot noo kong tanong sa kakapasok lang na bagong pamilyar din.

Napalingon din ang boys lalo na’t nakapamulsa si Denver sa varsity jacket niya habang inaakbayan ng isang lalake na hindi pamilyar sa akin.

“You didn’t know?” Medyo mahina ang bulong ni Mavric sa gilid ko.

“Know what?”

“He’s out last month. That’s his boyfriend,” si Mavric na hindi pinapahalatang nakatingin doon habang abala sa pagkain.

“Boyfriend?” I sounded so lost.

“You know, dude. He’s bi. He likes men too.”

Napansin na rin ng mga boys ang tinitingnan namin lalo na’t nakasunod doon ang tingin ko. One of the boys shook their heads and started whispering about it.

“Nakasama ko ’yan sa shower. Kung alam ko lang na bakla…” Nagtinginan sila.

Umangat ang kilay ko roon.

“Ano?” I asked curiously and looked at Tyler who said it.

He rested his elbows on the table and leaned forward.

“You know gays… they’re willing to spend millions when they’re in love.” Medyo natawa siya sa bagay na iyon.

“Halata naman kung bakit pinatulan noong boyfriend. You know, he’s straight. So what’s the reason why he got himself a gay… girlfriend?” they laughed a bit.

Kumunot lalo ang noo ko. I glanced at the table, and it seemed like Denver was comfortable with him. The boy said something and walked somewhere. Naiwan siyang nakatingin sa menu.

“Binilhan daw ’yan agad ng kotse ni Denver. Imagine it, bro. Boys would date gays instead because they’re willing to give. Unlike girls. Masasaktan ka pa. Wala ka pang pera,” si Ronan na malawak ang ngisi.

If I’m broke, I won’t even date a gay man just for that damn reason. What are they—some sort of ATM?

“You know what they say, kung gipit, sa bakla ang kapit,” Rick said and laughed.

I saw how the guy stopped at our table as soon as he passed us. Hindi namalayan ng mga kaibigan ko. And knowing that the boys I’m with are well-known varsity athletes, I know this is a big trouble.

“Anong sabi mo?” Maangas ang pagkakahila sa t-shirt ni Rick kaya napatayo siya.

All of the boys among us immediately stood. Of course, I did as well and walked toward them.

“Ano?” Rick laughed, trying to act innocent in the confrontation.

“Binabastos niyo yata kami,” the guy said in his boyish tone.

“No, bro. We’re good here,” si Mavric na tinapik ang balikat ng lalake ngunit marahas na tinabig iyon.

Denver stood as well. Lumapit siya sa amin at nakita ko agad ang pagtapon niya ng tingin sa akin. Of course, we know each other. We used to be classmates in high school.

“Anong binabastos? Kung natamaan ka, baka naman kasi totoo,” halakhak ni Rick.

“Arron,” pigil ni Denver nang nag-amba itong lumapit kay Rick sa galit na titig.

The guards saw the commotion at our table that two of them went to us, including some staff and the Manager itself.

“Say sorry, Rick,” utos ko.

Tumawa si Rick nang tumingin sa akin. “Are you kidding me, Brent? Hindi ko sila binastos.”

Namaywang ako. I know what he said was foul. Yes, he didn’t say it right to their faces, but it’s triggering knowing that he shamelessly stereotyped Denver’s boyfriend for being in a relationship with a gay man.

“Sir, bawal po ang gulo dito,” the guard’s tone of voice was telling us that they were giving us some warnings.

The girls looked bothered and worried. Malalaki kaming mga varsity player at matatangkad pa. Kung magkakagulo, mahirap awatin.

“Bastos kayo eh,” Denver’s boyfriend fired aggressively. “Binabastos niyo yata ang syota ko.”

Nagkamot ng batok si Mavric at kita ko ang hilaw sa tingin niya nang mag-iwas. Ronan tried to act serious as he shook his head. Tyler pulled Rick’s shoulder and told him to just apologize. Some of the boys were willing to back up if things got out of hand, and that’s the last thing on my mind.

“Bakit ko ’yan babastusin? Bro, I’m straight! You think I’d be interested in…” Rick looked at Denver and laughed.

I stepped in and pushed Rick’s shoulder as my jaw clenched. “That’s enough, Rick. You are now barking at the wrong tree.”

Natatawang umatras si Rick habang papasugod na ang boyfriend ni Denver na mahigpit niyang hinawakan.

“Tang ina mo ah! Sa labas nga tayo! Gago ka!” he fired roughly while the veins on his neck were protruding as he pointed at Rick.

Umiling ako. “We’re sorry, bro… He didn’t mean it—”

“Sa labas!” Denver’s boyfriend demanded and walked out.

Nailing si Macriv at kinuha ang duffel bag. Sumenyas siya sa ibang boys na lumabas na. The girls were already standing up as well. And knowing Rick was nodding and heading straight outside, I knew that he was willing to settle it through a fist fight.

The Manager seems willing to throw us out since we are already creating a scene and some are looking at us. Nakakahiya pa dahil may nagvivideo yata.

“Ano bang nangyayari, Brent?” si Angela na lumebel sa akin.

Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin. Sa angas ng paglabas noong boyfriend ni Denver, sa pagdating mismo sa parking lot, at sa pagtulak sa dibdib ni Rick, alam kong galit na galit ito.

The boys were eager to stop the fight, of course. We aren’t gonna watch Rick lose his shit here when it’s clearly his fault. Including my other friends who fired some jokes that’s clearly insulting. So instead of figthing back, Rick needs to man up and apologize!

“May problema ba kayo sa amin, Brent?” Denver asked as he looked at me.

His boyfriend scoffed and pointed at me.

“Kilala mo pala ang mga gagong ’to?”

“Bro… chill,” it was Tyler.

“Apologize, Rick,” tawag ko lalo na’t tumayo ako sa gitna nang hindi magsuntukan.

“Seryoso ka, Brent? Why would I fucking apologize here when I’m saying the truth? Kung natatamaan siya, then that’s not my problem anymore!” Rick laughed boyishly and looked at Denver’s boyfriend with an air of confidence.

Nailing ang mga boys. They’re so done knowing how Rick would never bend for someone. Matigas pa ang ulo nito sa matigas.

Papasugod na ulit ang boyfriend ni Denver but he stopped him.

“Gago ka! Tingin mo piniperahan ko siya?! Isampal ko pa sa’yo ang pera ko!” he shouted as if he wanted to turn into a hulk himself and snap Rick’s head.

Umiling si Denver at tila ba dismayado. He looked at me with hostility habang tahimik ang mga boys. Rick was laughing as Denver successfully pulled his boyfriend away from us.

“Tang ina ka!” the guy shouted.

Rick showed his dirty finger. Mariin akong pumikit. I don’t like this… It pissed me off, and I just wanna punch Rick’s face.

“Alam niyang bakla ang boyfriend niya, anong gusto niyang isipin ko, na hindi siya nagpapalibre? Hinuhuthutan niya ’yan.” Patuloy ni Rick.

“Humingi kana lang sana ng tawad, Rick,” si Mavric.

“Bakit? Come on, dude! I didn’t do anything wrong! At pinagbibintangan pa akong binabastos ko ’yung syota niya! Anong tingin niya sa akin? Namamakla? Papatulan ’yon? Nakakadiri—”

Ah… That’s it.

I punched him swiftly as soon as I opened my eyes and faced his direction.

“Brent.” Halos hilain ako ni Mavric at Ronan nang mawala sa balanse si Rick na ngayon ay nakaupo na agad sa sahig.

Rick was so stunned that when he lifted his head, I immediately saw the blood on his lips.

“Gago, Brent. Anong problema mo?” He looked at me angrily.

“Ikaw na nga ang may kasalanan! Ikaw pa ang may ganang mang-insulto!” Mariin ko siyang tiningnan.

Rick gave me a mocking smile. Nang makita niya ang galit at pag-amba kong lumapit, napawi agad iyon. Pinigilan ako ni Ronan at inilingan. Irita niyang pinahiran ang pang-ibabang labi gamit ang likod ng kanyang kamay.

“Kung ako ’yung lalake kanina, sinira ko ’yang pagmumukha mo.” Ngisi ko sa sobrang iritasyon.

Rick’s shoulder loosened. Tinapik ni Tyler ang balikat ko. The other boys were silent, and no one wanted to say a word.

“I’ll stand with you if you were on the right, Rick. But we all know here that you fucking did them wrong. Huwag mo akong gawing katawa tawa para kampihan ang katarantaduhan mo.”

The boys looked away. I know that some of them were guilty because they also fired some jokes about it earlier. Sasabayan ko sila kung magandang biro iyon, pero ang pambabastos lang naman, ibang usapan na ’yon.

I pulled my car key out of my pocket and walked out. Kung hindi lang naalalang kasama ko si Shiloh, hindi ako lilingon.

Nakita ko ang pagsunod niya. Tahimik ang mga girls habang naiiling ang mga boys at nanghihinayang.

“Brent, may laro pa tayo mamaya,” Mavric reminded.

“Kayo nalang,” I said flatly and clicked the car alarm on my car.

I opened the driver’s seat and slammed the door shut as soon as I got in. Pumasok si Shiloh sa front seat at sinara iyon. I drove out of the parking lot as I gritted my teeth.

I don’t like how he mocks them since I don’t see any problem with it. What’s the problem if Denver likes that guy? It wasn’t about being gay that they needed to be respected; it was about having the decency to accept that they are a part of the society they live in without excluding them just because they are queer.

At kung hinuhuthutan man ng lalakeng iyon si Denver, why is Rick so pressed about it when it’s Denver and that man’s personal relationship? His opinion wasn’t asked. He doesn’t have the right to jump to conclusions just because he’s dating a gay!

I lost my mood so much that as soon as we went into the condo unit, I went straight to Shiloh’s room.

“Akin na ang iPad mo,” I demanded as I was about to pull my t-shirt from behind when I remembered he hates it.

“Bakit?” Shiloh asked.

“I’ll watch that cartoon. It’s relaxing. I’m not in the mood.”

Nanatili ang tingin ni Shiloh sa akin. Kung paiinitin nito ang ulo ko ibabalibag ko na yata ang isang ’to.

But instead of being a pain in the ass, he slowly nodded and took his iPad out of the drawer.

“Wala ka bang laptop?” he asked.

“Bibili pa. Nahulog ’yung akin sa CR kaya nasira.”

“Ba’t mo naman dinala sa…” He slowly realized that his voice trailed off.

Namaywang ako at naalala ang nangyari kanina. I haven’t checked on him.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Huh?”

“I mean… there’s a commotion that happened, and…” I licked my lower lip. I don’t know what I’m really saying.

But at that moment, the main reason Rick triggered me so much was because I could see myself in that man’s position, standing for people like…Denver.

Dahil kung si Shiloh ang binastos niya dahil lang pakiramdam niya bakla, o dahil lang naiiba sa nakasanayan niya sa isang lalake, katulad ng pambabastos noong nakaangasan ko sa basketball, then I would probably be losing my shit right then once he pointed out what doesn’t concern him in the first place.

“I’m sorry about my friend’s behavior. He’s just insensitive. But once school starts, I promise you won’t hang out with him. Hindi mo siya makakasama sa iisang grupo.”

He looked at me with pure curiosity. I could sense it. He’s not just the confrontational type, but I could sense it.

“You’re more comfortable with the girls, so just be with them. I’ll join sometimes to keep you company.”

Nagtagal ang paninitig niya. The more he’s silent, the more it worries me. Coz I feel like he’s drawing a line.

“Ano bang sinabi ni Tita sa’yo? Ayos lang naman kahit mag-isa ako. Pwede namang may sarili akong mundo sa school at meron ka rin.”

Umiling ako. “No. You are new to the environment. Sagot kita.”

“At anong… kinalaman ko kanina?” he asked carefully.

“People like Rick might trigger you. Yes, he doesn’t insult you, but you might find him uncomfortable because he likes stereotyping men.”

I saw the way he calms a bit, but then, there’s always that boundary in him that sometimes I wanna cross coz he’s keeping a distance between us.

I went back to my room just to change clothes so I could lay down on his bed. Bumalik din ako sa kwarto niya at nakita kong nagbihis na rin siya.

“Pwede ka naman sa kuwarto mo. Hiramin mo muna,” he offered in his calm voice.

“Why not here?” I arched my brow and went to his bed.

“Bakit dito?” He arched his brow as well.

I took the usual pillow I love to hug since the smell was addicting. I put it on my chest and rested my chin on its soft body.

“Why not here?” I repeated hoarsely.

Umupo si Shiloh sa gilid at sumandal sa headboard ng kama habang nakahalukipkip, ang tingin ay naninimbang sa akin.

“Bakit gusto mo sa kuwarto ko?” he asked.

“Coz your bed is soft. And your pillow smells nice—”

“Edi labhan mo ang pillowcase mo,” pambabara niya.

“And you’re here. I could talk. Imagine if I were in my room. You’d probably run away once you heard me talking alone?” I smirked.

Nanatili ang titig niya sa akin. My eyes drifted to his lips a bit, so I licked mine out of an unconscious habit. My head was spinning. The silence was defeaning.

“’Yun lang?” he asked.

“What would be the possible reason?” I laughed. “And mommy told me to hang out with you. You might be bored here—”

“Hindi ako nabobored,” he cut me off.

“And you might want someone to talk to—”

“Ayoko rin ng kausap,” putol niyang muli.

“Or at least a company—”

“Mas gusto kong mag-isa.”

I pressed my tongue against the side of my mouth. His eyes remained unreadable. But I could sense he was weighing my reaction.

“Then I like it here,” I murmured raspily as I manipulated his iPad.

“Sa kabila nalang muna ako—”

He stopped as soon as I reached for his wrist. Nagkatinginan kami. I saw how his face heated when he looked at my hand grabbing his wrist.

“Show me your… paintings… and… watch this cartoon with me,” I invited in my hoarse voice.

“Nakita mo na ’yon kanina,” may pagtanggi agad sa tinig niya.

My eyes drifted to his lips again. I would always wonder why it was wet. Or why does it look soft? I pulled him closer to the bed until he lost his balance and rested against his back beside me.

“Let’s watch your cartoon, come on… Don’t be such a killjoy.”

“Sirang sira na ang imahinasyon ko dahil sa’yo! Manood kang mag-isa mo!” Amba niyang bangon ngunit muli ko lang siyang hinila hanggang natumba siyang muli sa gilid ko.

“Ano ba!” he shouted and wiggled while my arm was now wrapped around his neck.

“You are watching a movie with me whether you like it or not,” sabi ko habang ang isa kong kamay ay abala na sa iPad niya.

“Ayoko nga! Lahat ng mga pinanood mo, iba na sa isip ko!” he complained while trying to get away from my arm headlocking him as he tried to pull it with his hands but to no avail.

“Wait… even the goldfish turned into a kid? Woah! Let’s watch this!” Halos padulasin ko ang kamay ko sa baywang niya para lang pigilan siya sa pag-ambang pagbangon habang nasa iPad niya ang atensyon ko.

I felt how he stopped resisting. Mabilis siyang kumulob at ginaya ako. I smiled at him while he rolled his eyes.

“Huwag kang maingay kundi palalabasin kita…” he warned while fixing his disheveled hair.

Tumawa ako. “That’s hard since I’m—”

He glared at me, so I cleared my throat and tried to act serious. “Fine…”

Chapter 10

Gusto

The first day of school was pretty chaotic. Naglalakad pa lang ako sa hallway, ang dami nang bumabati.

I would always find Shiloh’s rolling eyes, as if he’s so done with the attention I was getting coz it doesn’t end.

“Pag tatakbo kang presidente baka manalo ka,” he commented.

I put my arm around his shoulder and poked his cheek with my pointed finger.

“You’d be coming home with me all the time. I have your scheds. And one more thing, Verena is a second-year art student like you. Keep your distance from my girl,” I reminded.

He was about to say something, but the group of students passed us and greeted me. I nodded and smiled. Ilang minuto pang nag-usap bago ko natakasan.

The first day wasn’t really a serious one. Some professors won’t even show up, and some will just introduce the lessons for the whole semester. I would boredly listen to it and glance at my other pretty classmates to at least inspire me for a minute.

Kung kaklase ko lang si Verena baka segu-segundo akong inspired? Or I might be the top student in the class. Baka kahit walang assignment o activity manghihingi ako ng kusa sa sobrang ganado kong mag-aral.

Buti nalang hindi kami magkaklase. Coz that would be damn stressful.

I would join my group as usual. Minsan sa cafeteria kami, o minsan lalabas sa malapit na Restaurant para doon tumambay. Shiloh was pretty close now to my circles. Ang lakas nang humagalpak. Minsan, nakukuryoso nalang ako kung anong pinagtatawanan nila dahil nawawala na ang kanyang mga mata kakatawa.

He’s now far from the boy who seems distant and aloof. Marunong na siyang mag-ingay, at madalas na na ring nakakasabay sa biruan. Nangunguna pa minsan ang malakas na tawa niya kaya mas lalo akong ganadong hayaan nalang siya sa mga girls.

I should let him do it at his own pace. I am willing to invade his privacy, but maybe just in the condo? But in public, I would always let him bond instead of sticking beside him, so he could have friends on his own without me.

“Baka may lumipat ha! Sa ibang kuwarto ang mga boys! Bawal kayo sa girls!” Banta ni Angela nang sa Sabadong iyon, pagkatapos ng isang linggong klase ay nagkayayaan nang ituloy ang sleepover.

Angela’s house was like a mansion since her parents were filthy rich. I mean, most of my circles were born with a silver spoon in their mouth.

“Isali natin si Shiloh!” Marine suggested with a grin.

I rolled my eyes and put my arm around his shoulder.

“He’s ours,” mungkahi ko.

But the girls were so annoying that they started pulling Shiloh’s green hoodie. Tumawa siya at parang nagpapahila pa kaya umangat ang aking kilay at marahas na hinila ang kanyang braso hanggang malipat siya sa aming mga lalake.

“Aray, Brent!” the girls whined when they almost shoved each other on the floor.

I smirked at them. “Sa amin siya.”

The boys cheered and started crowding Shiloh as if they were welcoming him. Ginulo ang buhok at pinagtutulungang buhatin habang nagsisiirapan ang mga girls sa amin.

We settled down in the living room and decided to drink. There were GSM Blue and Jose Cuervo for our liquors. Marami iyon lalo na’t nasa halos bente kami. Hindi pa nga sumama ang iba sa amin. Nagkalat rin ang malalaking box ng pizza at donut na ginawang midnight snack ng mga girls, habang nachos at fried chicken naman sa amin.

“Grabe… ngayon ko lang natitigan itong mukha ni Shiloh,” Angela suddenly pointed out while she was on the sofa.

Si Shiloh na ngumunguya ng hawak niyang fried chicken at lumalaki ang pisngi ay napatingin na rin sa kanya.

I glanced at him while the other boys’ topic continued. Mabilis lang marinig lalo na’t ang lapit lapit naming lahat sa dim na living room.

“May lahi ka ba? Ang kinis mo. Singkit ka rin ng kaonti. Ang puti mo pa. Chinese? Japanese?”

Shiloh slowly munched his food. I boredly put my hands on the pocket of my hoodie and rested my head on the headboard of the sofa as I looked at him.

“’Yung mama ko… may lahing Chinese,” he said. “Pero ’yung sa father side ko, Spanish.”

The girls nodded with amusement. Natawa ako saglit sa topic ng mga boys nang bumaling ako, ngunit binalik kong muli sa mga babae.

“Nakailang girlfriend kana?” it was Raya.

Shiloh shook his head. I smirked proudly, but then Angela seemed so attentive to me that she leered.

“Yabang, Brent. Parang kulang nalang sabihin mong mas marami ang sa’yo.” Ismid niya.

“What?” I laughed and ran my finger through my hair as I found Jessie smiling at me too.

“Ang close niyo pa naman! Huwag kang papahawa kay Brent, Shiloh! Suki ’yan sa lahat ng Department! Kumpleto ’yan. May Engineering, Architecture, Psychology, Marketing! Wala ’yang pinapalampas kahit prof!”

“Woah, girls! Chill!” I laughed coz the last part wasn’t true at all.

Well, I have this prof whom I jokingly ask for her number, which immediately created an issue that I got her. Man… My image has always been tainted since day one.

Baka pag nagseryoso na ako, ito pa ang magiging problema ko.

“Alam namin sinong next target ni Brent!” sila Mavric sabay apir kay Ronan.

Kinuha ko ang soft pillow at binato sa kanila para tumigil lalo na’t alam ko ang nasa isip nila.

“Nandito lang!” Tyler added to the curiosity of the girls.

“Hala, sino?!” the girls, who were now looking at each other.

Umiling ako kahit hindi mabura ang ngisi sa aking labi. I licked my lower lip coz they’re really having fun putting me on the spot.

Some of the boys were side-eyeing Jessie, who was sitting next to Angela. I saw Jessie catch some of their meaningful eye contact while laughing and giving high fives to each other.

“Gago! Huwag kayong imbento!” Hagalpak ko at kumuha muli ng maibabato.

“Alam na namin Brent kahit hindi mo sabihin!” Hagalpak ni Carter at muling tinapunan ng tingin si Jessie.

Angela grinned at Jessie, who seemed to have caught the other boys eye too. I rolled my eyes, but the smile remained on my lips.

“That’s not true,” sabi ko kahit hindi na maawat ang pagkakagulo nila.

Why is it suddenly me? Ako itong nananahimik…

“Sus! Ikaw pa! Style mo ’yan eh! Kunwari hindi gusto!” si Angela na humagalpak.

Namulsa ako sa aking hoodie at tamad na isinandal ang ulo sa headboard ng sofa. I glanced my head to the side and saw Shiloh, who was silently eating his pizza. Kinuha ko ang kanyang kamay at iginiya iyon patungo sa akin.

“Tabihan mo, Jess!” the boys urged.

The girls screamed while coaxing Jessie to sit next to me.

“Guys, stop it. Come on…” pigil ko kahit natatawa rin kaya hindi nila ako maseryo-seryoso.

“Naka parte ang mga hita oh! Diyan ka raw umupo sa kandungan, Jess!” the girls who’s still teasing us.

“Coz I’m big. I can’t just close it, you know,” sabi ko at nailing kahit nangingiti pa rin.

“Yabang talaga ng hayop na ’to!” ang mga boys na pinagbabato na naman ako ng unan na ikinahalakhak ko.

Jessie laughed along with the teasing. I found her cute and hot at the same time, but it really didn’t cross my mind for tonight.

Which was new. Sadyang… wala lang talaga sa isip ko.

“Sige na, Brent! May kabilang room naman! Baka gusto mong magsolo!” si Angela na binubugaw na naman ako.

Palpak pa nga iyong huli at sinabihan akong hindi niya na uulitin tapos ngayon may nirereto na naman. Kaya rin hindi ako nauubusan ng babae eh.

“Swap nalang! Sa amin si Shiloh tapos sa inyo si Jessie para tabi kayo!” the other girls.

Nagtilian ang mga babae at nagpalakpakan. The boys were signaling for me to agree, but I just shook my head.

“Ang pangit tingnan. Mabobore siya sa boys room. At nag-iisa lang siya. She should join the girls instead,” I said while smiling at Jessie, whose eyes were already twinkling.

“Kaya nga sa kabilang room kayo, dude!” si Ronan.

Tumawa ako at umiling na lamang sa biruan nila. I gulped my shot in one down and glanced at Shiloh to see if he was still munching on his pizza so I could snatch a bite.

Noong makitang donut ang kinakain, kahit hindi naman mahilig sa matamis, inagaw ko ang kalahati.

“Magmove-on kana kasi kay Verena. Si Shiloh ata ang tipo noon,” the boys pointed out.

“Nakakaturn-on kasi pag artist student…” ngisi ko at kinagat ang dumikit na icing sa aking hintuturong labi.

“Sus! Eh parang masyado na iyong turn-off sa’yo! Inisa isa mo ba naman ang mga kaklase niya!” Hagalpak ng mga babae.

“I didn’t. That’s just a rumor since I have most of their numbers,” sabi ko.

Tumawa agad si Sheena. Sinamaan ko ng tingin lalo na’t alam kong siya ang may pakana at kinampanya ang numero ko. But I like texting, so it’s fine.

At ang dami rin daw kasing nanghihingi. I’m actually fine just texting, since that’s where I used to test the waters. But most of the girls with whom I would try my luck were the liberated type, the game ones. Hindi nakakasakal.

“Sige na! Doon kana sa tabi ni Brent!” si Angela na tinutulak na si Jessie at mukhang hindi pa yata tapos.

“Brent ayain mo naman!” Ang mga boys na isa ring mga demonyo.

I laughed and moved close to Shiloh, who was next to me, and patted the space for Jessie. Nagtilian ang mga girls. Humagalpak lalo ang mga boys at pinagbabato ako ng soft pillow na binato ko rin sa kanila pabalik.

Jessie stood and laughed. Tumawa rin ako at bumaling kay Shiloh na nakaangat ang kilay at tahimik na nanonood sa paglipat ni Jessie sa kabila ko.

My smile slowly vanished. Binasa ko ang labi at tumingin kay Jessie na nasa gilid ko na umupo ng tahimik. If this were a normal day, I would have probably pulled Jessie to sit on my lap to add more fire to the teasing. But… I guess… this wasn’t that day, huh.

To be honest, it didn’t cross my mind to score anything for Jessie on this day. I know when I’m interested coz I would plan it in my mind.

Pero ayoko sa gabing ito. I just want to have fun with them. With the boys. And to let the girls have fun too. Lalo na’t gusto ko rin talagang huwag sirain ang gabing ito para kay Shiloh.

“Sleep with us,” I whispered to Shiloh, who was busy munching on another slice of pizza.

Napabaling siya sa akin. “Akala ko ba sa kabilang room ka?”

I arched my brow. “If you’d join me there then…” I whispered and chuckled.

Umismid siya sa biro ko at titingin sa gilid ko kaya babaling din ako kay Jessie. She would always smile at me every time we’d lock gazes and I know that signal too well. I know when the girl is attracted to me. I’ve memorized it all.

Kaso…

The boys were now having their own discussion, and I was thankful that they finally stopped the teasing. Kayo noong nagkayayaan nang matulog dahil inaantok na ang iilan sa amin, at mukhang interesado lang silang lahat na ibugaw ako kay Jessie, ako na naman ang nakitang puntiryahin ng mga kumag.

Worse, they were pushing us both into one bedroom! Fuck!

“Ayos lang, Brent,” ani Jessie nang isara ang pinto.

“No… we’re both drunk. I don’t like this,” sabi ko at inikot ang doorknob.

“Hindi naman ako lasing…” she laughed.

I looked at her. Man… She’s so hot. The sleeves of her dress were now falling, and the valley of her breast was making my mind hazy that it was so tempting to hover over her.

Kaso hindi. She’s tipsy! Pinagpipilit lang din kami. I’d be game if I personally asked. And imagine all of their thoughts in the morning once we wake up?

I shook my head and opened the door.

“You’re drunk. Just join the girls. I’ll join the boys,” sabi ko at binuksan ang pinto.

“S-Sigurado ka? I mean… ayos lang talaga sa akin,” marahan niyang sabi.

“This isn’t fine. It would be fine if I personally asked you. But they were forcing us. And you’re tipsy. Pangit ang magiging dating nito kinabukasan pag hindi kana lasing at nasa huwisyo kana.”

Nakita ko ang gulat sa mukha niya.

I sighed and licked my lips. “Say… let’s get to know each other first. And then let’s see if we’ll click while you’re sober?”

Her lips stretched until she laughed and nodded. I licked my lower lip and smiled too. I opened the door wider and decided to walk her to the girl’s room.

“Thanks…” She smiled and kissed my cheek when we stopped at the door. “Now I know why a lot of girls like you.”

Tumango ako at ngumiti nalang. I turned my back and walked to the boys’ room when I just wanted to go there.

I opened the door and saw a dim room. Binuksan ko saglit ang ilaw para makita ang porma nila roon.

Some of the boys groaned and told me to turn off the light. Maybe they were too sleepy that they didn’t question why I showed up in the room and they just went back to sleep. Lalo na’t hindi na rin talaga nagising ang iba.

Iginala ko ang aking tingin at nakita agad ang nakatalukbong na parang turong binalot. I laughed coz I know who sleeps like that.

Bukod doon, masyado siyang dikit sa pader habang sa gilid ay si Mavric. Ang iilang mga boys ay nakalinya na sa kabilang parte ni Mavric. Pinatay ko ulit ang ilaw at hinila sa likuran ang aking hoodie para mahubad iyon.

I pushed Mavric, who seems unaware that he just faces the other corner, until I had enough space to lay down next to Shiloh.

Malaki ang kumot ni Shiloh kaya iyon ang pinakialaman ko. I felt him flinch a bit when I invaded some of his space. At mukhang hindi pa yata tulog ang isang ’to.

“This is me,” I whispered hoarsely, and moved a little closer to him.

I felt him relax. Dahan dahan niyang hinila ang kumot hanggang sa lumabas ang ulo niya at buhaghag na buhok. Ngumuso ako nang agaran kaming magkatinginan.

“Akala ko ba nasa kabilang room ka?”

Umangat ang kilay ko. “I invited you to sleep with us. Hindi pwedeng wala ako rito sa tabi mo.” I laughed.

His brow knit, but I could vividly see that it made him flush.

“I’m topless. Can’t help it. I slept topless when I took some shot,” namamaos kong bulong, sapat lamang na kaming dalawa ang magkarinigan.

He didn’t say anything, so I pulled some of his sheets. Naramdaman ko ang pagkukusa niyang mahila ko iyon. I moved more until my foot felt his foot.

I lay on my stomach and rested the side of my head on my pillow as I sleepily watched him. Hindi naman ganoon ka dilim kaya naaaninag ko pa rin siya na nakatingin sa ceiling.

“Iniwan mo si Jessie?” he asked.

“Hinatid ko sa mga girls…”

“Bakit? Parang tipo mo naman yata ’yon.”

I chuckled and closed my eyes as I slightly put my leg on his. Ramdam ko ang pagkagulat niya.

“You won’t sleep if I’m not here coz I know you’re uncomfortable,” I murmured.

Hindi siya nagsalita kaya dumilat ako. Tumalikod siya sa akin sanhi para mahulog ang paa kong nakalagay sa kanya.

It is the distance that sometimes frustrates me. The distance that he has put between us. Which… I always wanted to invade.

And every time he gave me access, the more I wanted to cross the line. The more I wanted to fill the space.

Damn it.

Maybe I was drunk and…

I moved closer until his back rested on my chest. I sighed and wrapped my arm around his waist. When I inhaled, the addicting smell of his shampoo attacked my nose, and it only worsened.

“Hoy,” tawag niya.

“Mm?” I mumbled.

“Hindi ako bolster pillow…” he complained.

I laughed against his hair as I pressed my face there.

“Bumalik kana lang doon sa kabilang room. Baka gusto mo roon,” he whispered hoarsely.

I smiled inwardly.

“Kaya nga ako lumipat dahil mas gusto ko rito…” I whispered back and squeezed him a bit.

Chapter 11

Part

Paggising ko, halos mag-isa na lamang ako sa kuwarto. I tried to find him beside me, but it seems like he got up with the boys.

“Good morning,” bati ni Jessie nang makasalubong ko siya sa sala pagkalabas ko habang topless lamang.

I smiled. “Good morning. Nasa’n si Shiloh?”

“Uh…” Lumingon siya sa bukas na pinto na nasa harapan lamang ng sala. “Nasa pool area sila since maagang naligo ang boys.”

I nodded and smiled at her as I walked to the door.

“B-Brent!” tawag ni Jessie kaya medyo huminto ako at lumingon sa kanya.

“Uh… about last night…” she blushed.

“What about it?” Kumunot ang noo ko.

“I’m willing to… know you,” she smiled shyly.

I chuckled and nodded. Naririnig ko na ang tawa ni Shiloh kasama ang mga babae kaya nagdesisyon na rin akong lumabas.

“Brent!” tawag agad ng mga boys nang makita ang paglabas ko.

My eyes squinted by the bright rays of the sun hitting my face that I raised my hand a bit to cover it.

“Maligo kana rito!” anyaya ni Ronan at tinalsikan ako ng tubig.

“Magkakape muna ako,” sabi ko.

They seem to be having fun in the water, so they didn’t put too much effort into convincing me.

Lumapit ako sa mga babae na nagbabarbeque. Shiloh was fanning it while the girls flocked all over him as they were talking about something giddy.

“Ipasyal mo naman kami doon sa strawberry farm niyo ha!” Angela begged.

“Kaya pala mahilig ka sa strawberries kasi may farm kayo. Ang lamig siguro doon lagi,” they continued.

Shiloh chuckled as his eyes became chinky while nodding. I took one barbeque until they noticed me. Kinagatan ko iyon at dinilaan ang mga labi nang dumikit ang sauce doon.

“Hoy Brent! Anong nangyari kagabi, huh? Bakit mo pinabalik si Jessie sa kuwarto? Ano ’yon? Tinubuan ka ng pakpak sa halip na sungay?” Angela laughed while leering at me.

Sumulyap saglit si Shiloh sa akin ngunit bumaba rin ang tingin at kita ko ang pagkukunwari niyang magseryoso sa mga karneng binaliktad niya.

The rays of the sun were perfectly hitting his face, making his features more angelic and feminine. Pula ang labi. Naniningkit ang mga mata lalo na’t kakagising lang din ata. Medyo magulo ang buhok. At sa suot niyang hoodie na green, bumagay iyon sa kaputian niya.

“Stop it, Angela. Lasing siya kagabi,” I said and smirked at her.

“Asus! Parang pinapa-fall mo lang yata sa’yo lalo eh! Alam ko ’yang galawan mo!” she pointed at me using the stick of the barbecue.

I only laughed and walked to where Shiloh was standing. Nakatayo ako sa likuran niya at kuryosong tiningnan kung may luto na ba sa mga pinapaypayan niya. Tumingin siya sa akin saglit kaya tumingin din ako sa kanya habang iniaangat ko ang aking kilay at namimili ako ng mga kukuning barbeque doon.

“You should have woken me up,” I said casually.

“Mahimbing ang tulog mo. At sabi ng mga boys, naiirita ka raw pag ginigising.”

Right…

“Then try it next time if I get mad,” sabi ko.

Tumikhim siya at hindi na nagsalita sa bagay na iyon kaya tumawa ako. Jessie went out with a glass of coffee that she offered to me, which made me thankful. Panay pa rin ang pangungutya ng mga girls sa amin pero hindi na kasing lala kagabi na ipagtutulakan nila kaming dalawa sa iisang kuwarto.

“Brent! Come on! Let’s play some games!” ang mga boys na niyaya akong muli kaya sumali na ako at tumalon sa pool.

The girls were now joining us in the water with their bikinis. Kumakagat pa si Shiloh ng barbeque kaya lumangoy ako malapit lamang sa sun lounger kung saan sila nakaupo.

“Hey shorty!” tawag ko at sinabuyan sila ng tubig doon. Umagang umaga naglalandian agad…

“Ano?” Irita niya akong tiningnan at pinahiran ang mukhang natalsikan ng tubig.

“Disturbo, Brent!” simangot ni Kelsie sa akin.

I ran my finger through my hair and gestured for him to join us.

“Halika na rito.”

“Ayoko nga. Mamaya na,” he insisted, and went back to talking to Kelsie.

Umangat ang aking kilay. I pulled myself out of the pool until the water cascaded down my body as I walked toward him.

Namilog ang mga mata niya. He stood and shook his head as he tried to get away from me, but I immediately caught him.

Sumigaw si Shiloh ngunit natatawa ko lamang siyang kinarga at isinabit sa aking balikat na parang sako hanggang nabitiwan niya ang barbeque niya.

“Ang barbeque ko!” he shouted as his hand tried to reach it.

“Brent! Killjoy!” sigaw ni Kelsie sa akin na pumulot ng barbeque.

“Mababasa ang hoodie ko!” Shiloh complained and wiggled himself.

“I have my hoodie. You could wear it later,” I said, jumping into the pool immediately.

Kapwa kami lumubog sa tubig. Nauna akong umahon at sumunod siya. Ngumisi ako habang nauubo niyang hinaplos paatras ang buhok at hinawakan iyon saglit.

He looked so pissed that he punched my chest lightly, which only made me laugh. Lumangoy ang mga girls sa amin at pinagkaguluhan na siya kaya iniwan ko siya roon.

He took off his hoodie and was now having fun with the girls. I could really tell that he’s not fond of hitting the gym. He looked pale, like the girls, which he blended well, but his face were more extra red including his lips that it looked so natural to him to be that…gorgeous.

“Grabe si Shiloh,” singhap ni Mavric nang mapatingin na rin sa mga babae.

Napabaling ako sa kanya lalo na’t umupo rin siya sa gilid ng pool habang pinapanood namin ang mga girls.

“Ngayon lang talaga ako nakakita ng ganyan ka ganda na lalake. Alam mo ’yon… parang… hindi siya lalake. Pero lalake siya.” He looked so lost while looking at Shiloh.

Hinampas ko ang kanyang dibdib gamit ang likod ng aking kamay. Bumaling siya sa akin.

“Stop pointing it out. Don’t question his sexuality unless he tells us.”

“Pero lalake naman talaga siya ah? Sadyang mukha lang siyang babae.”

I nodded. Which is true.

“But let’s say… what if dude…” Naninimbang ang tingin ni Mavric kay Shiloh.

“What if what?” I confirmed, even though I knew what he was trying to point out.

Lumapit sila Ronan at Tyler sa aming banda. Connor and the rest of the boys were busy showing off with some of the girls as they were competing to see who was the fastest swimmer.

“What if he’s gay?” Mavric raised his brow at me.

Tyler and Ronan, who heard him glance at the girls where we were looking, watched how the girls let Shiloh occupy one of the salbabida.

“Duda rin talaga ako minsan kay Shiloh pero straight ’di ba, Brent?” Ronan looked at me for confirmation.

“Straight naman…” I shrugged. “I told you, he’s just feminine.”

Tumango agad sila na tila ba sapat na ang sinabi ko para paniwalaan ako. I don’t lie. Why would I even make up stories for my circles?

“But what if… say… he’s really gay?” si Mavric na talagang ayaw pakawalan ang topic.

Kumunot ang noo ko roon. “Then?”

“You have an image, Brent. What would everyone think of you if they found out that you’re roommates with a gay man? Baka pagdudahan kang bakla rin. O may relasyon sa kanya,” he added.

“You know, I’m actually fine with gay people. I don’t have a problem with them. I respect them. Pero hindi ko yata kaya silang kaibigan. They’re just too…” Ronan’s brows knitted as he shook his head.

“It’s awkward, Ron. Imagine, nakakasabay natin sa shower room, nakakasama sa pagtulog, tapos biglang bakla pala? Tang ina. I’d be scarred for life thinking that he might actually fantasize to touch me?” Halakhak ni Tyler.

“I’m fine with gay people too kaso parang hindi ko rin talaga kaya. Baka siguro kung babae ako… ayos lang na may bakla akong kaibigan eh wala namang malisya. Kaso lalake ako, dude. Straight pa sa straight. Imagine the rumor if I’m with a gay! Matutulad ako roon kay Denver. Baka isipin din nanghuhuthot ako. O alam mo ’yon, ginagamit ko kasi nga bakla at madalas silang kilalang magastos sa lalake,” si Mavric naman.

“Then, if Shiloh’s gay, you’re gonna disrespect him, is that it?” deritso kong tanong lalo na’t parang naririndi ako sa topic.

They looked at me. Tiningnan nilang muli si Shiloh na nahulog sa swan na salbabida at niyakap pa ang leeg noon para lang isalba ang sarili habang tumatawa ang mga girls at tinutulungan siyang ibalik.

“He’s more in the girls’ circle, so it’s fine? Besides, you’re straight, but you’re comfortable with him. Kung hindi niya tayo babastusin…” Umangat ang kilay ni Ronan.

“Anong babastusin, Ron?” I laughed when it irked me.

“I mean… come on, Brent. Don’t be so overprotective just because you are close with him. Gays are attracted to boys. Hindi malabong may maisip silang iba,” he elaborated.

“Girls are attractive to boys. Boys are attractive to girls. What’s the difference when gays are attracted to men?” I pointed out.

Nag-isip isip si Ronan.

“Imagine it, Ron. We are in these big circles with girls too. But did we try to harm the girls when we are all attracted to pretty girls like them?” I raised my brows.

“Gago! Tarantado tayo minsan pero ibang usapan na ang pambabastos sa babae, dude! Mga kaibigan pa natin!” he defended aggressively.

“Exactly the point. If we could do that to the girls, then why can’t we think of the same thing for the gays? Kung humalo ba sila sa atin babastusin na tayo?” patuloy ko.

I saw how Ronan’s face calmed down a bit. Tumango rin si Mavric sa akin habang si Tyler ay napapaisip pa, marahil ay naghahanap ng lusot.

“Walang malisya sa atin kung tayo ang humalo sa mga babae. Pero pag ang bakla… meron? If we have this respect for the girls, for sure, gay people have those too with the guys. Knowing how they’re easily judged, it must be hard for them to fit in because we have this kind of mindset.” Iling ko.

“Brent, there are gays who are aggressive too. Rick doesn’t like gay people because he got a traumatic experience with a gay. If Shiloh is indeed gay, it might be a trigger to him. He might not… like him.” si Tyler.

Tumango ako lalo na’t naiintindihan ko naman ang ganoong mga trauma.

“Yes, I know. But Shiloh wasn’t his perpetrator, Tyler. Why would Shiloh suffer from the trauma of other people that he hasn’t contributed to? Why would he be treated as someone else’s punching bag when it wasn’t him who caused their sufferings?”

Natahimik si Tyler.

“I’d understand Rick if it was Shiloh who caused his trauma. Kasi baka ako mismo ang gagawa ng paraan mailayo lang siya kay Shiloh. O sige… ipilit natin na baka nga bakla… pero anong meron? Will we draw the line just because he’s gay? Just because Rick has a traumatizing past which Shiloh isn’t even the one who caused it?”

“Bastos kasi ang iba sa kanila,” iling ni Ronan.

“Is it only the gays, Ron? Everyone has the potential to be that evil. Men can be victims of harassment, but so can women… and even gays. If we generalize everything, should we blame each other for traumas to which we did not contribute? Isn’t it unfair that we condemn other people just because they remind us of our perpetrators?”

Natahimik silang tatlo at medyo nanlambot ang titig kay Shiloh.

“Respect isn’t limited. It is us who only limit it when in fact everyone should have free access to it no matter what gender they are. Kung mamimili nalang din naman tayo ng rerespetuhin, piliin natin iyong mga karapat dapat, hindi iyong dahil lang sa kasarian nila, sa kulay, o sa estado sa buhay. That would be better.”

Nag-isip isip sila. A sudden realization hit me as I talked about it more in depth. Our circle wasn’t fully educated about gay people because we had no one in our circle that we could differentiate from the others.

Madalas na babae at lalake lamang ang narito. It’s probably the reason why meeting a gay person seems so foreign to our circles. Hindi kami sanay, o ang iba man, lalo na’t nasanay kami na babae at lalake lang.

But if only we had… at least… some of them, then as the boys realized that the gays they painted in their minds weren’t like those who have traumatized them, we might probably be open to educating other people that we have gay friends who respect, who set boundaries, and who don’t violate men.

Imagine if they were totally accepted as being a part of the community as someone who deserves to be valued regardless of their sexuality… It might be a peaceful society… Or they’d be so free to proclaim to the world that being homosexual isn’t something to be ashamed of.

“Sabagay… kung ganoon si Shiloh… parang… cute naman,” si Tyler na itinagilid pa ang ulo at titig na titig sa kanya.

Tumawa ako at sinabuyan siya ng tubig. Akala siguro nito natutuwa ako diyan sa hirit niya.

“Gago, Tyler. Parang tunog kakaiba pag ikaw ang bumabanggit.” Halakhak ni Ronan at sinabuyan din siya ng tubig.

Halos maubo siyang lumalayo ngunit natatawa rin.

“What? He’s pretty. He’s like the baby of the group since he’s a newbie.”

A baby… sounds fit to him.

“Huwag niyong asarin! Lalake si Shiloh tapos ginagawa niyo agad na bakla!” si Mavric na tumawa rin.

“O edi… tanggap ko na siya kung ano man siya. Gago pala kayo eh. Akala niyo siguro gano’n ako ka demonyo kung si Brent na ang nagsasalita para hindi ako matablan?” si Tyler.

“Pero dude, kung ikaw ang umamin na bakla ka ngayon pa lang tanggap na agad kitang hayop ka. Di na kita maitataboy dahil parang ang dami mo nang alam sa buhay ko,” si Ronan na inakbayan si Tyler at inipit ang leeg sa kanyang braso.

“Ang higpit mo pa namang makayakap pag tulog. Umamin kana, Tyler! Malay mo baka mabagok ako at mapatulan kita!” si Mavric na sinabayan pa ang hirit ni Ronan.

“Fuck you, Mav! Mas gusto kitang balian ng leeg kaysa mabali sa’yo!” Tyler showed his middle finger.

“Para kang si Brent na malikot pa sa inasinang uod katabi at kahit saan na nakakarating ang kamay. Kulang nalang ibalot ko sa kumot at itali para hindi makagalaw eh,” iling ni Mavric sa akin.

“Shut up, Mav. At least I don’t fart while sharing a blanket with you. It’s more traumatizing…”

Humagalpak si Tyler at Ronan. Nang makitang nagkakatuwaan kaming apat, sumali na ang iilan sa amin hanggang sa para na namang ramble ang nangyayari sa sobrang ingay at likot.

I’m kind of relieved that my circles weren’t too pushy about his feminine demeanor. Hindi naman siya ganoon ka binabae kumilos pero minsan, napapansin ko ang mga eskpresyon niya na halos maarte ang dating. It would come out to him naturally when he was pissed or when he wanted to diss me.

We were having fun in the pool. Iyon nga lang, laging pinag-aawayan kung saan dapat na grupo si Shiloh lalo na’t ang hilig ng mga girls na agawan sila sa amin which I would sometimes let him choose. And of course, he would choose the girls that would make me roll my eyes.

“Brent,” si Jessie na biglaang humabol sa akin sa parking lot ng bahay nila Angela noong papauwi na kami.

Kakapaalam ko lang sa mga boys. Shiloh was still crowded by the girls, so I let him talk to them first while I put my things on the back seat when Jessie showed up.

“Here.” Lahad niya ng card sa akin.

I looked at it curiously and realized that it was her number. Nakita ko ang paglabit ni Shiloh sa amin at bumagal saglit ang paglalakad.

“Thanks,” I smiled at Jessie to immediately cut the conversation.

Tumango siya at nilingon si Shiloh sa likod lalo na’t sinenyasan ko nang pumasok sa front seat.

I slid the card into my pocket and opened the driver’s seat as I bid goodbye to Jessie. Pumasok na rin si Shiloh. I opened the compartment, took my shade out as I wore it, and ran my fingers through my hair to push it back.

I also manipulated the stereo first saka ko pinaandar ang kotse palabas. Lumebel ang sasakyan ko sa sasakyan ng iba habang papalabas kami sa subdivision kaya nagkulitan pa ang mga girls sa bukas na bintana at kinaway kawayan si Shiloh.

“Sa Lunes, Shiloh!” sigaw ng mga girls.

Shiloh nodded enthusiastically and waved back.

“Sige! Ingat kayo!”

Ngumuso ako nang masilip kung gaano siya ka saya. Pinindot ko ang busina at tumingin sa itaas ng salamin para magpaalam sa kanila saka ko pinaharurot ang kotse.

He took his phone out while wearing his smile and manipulated it.

“Lagi ba kayong naggaganito?” he asked while the smile remained on his lips.

“Yup. Why? You want to repeat it?” Nilingon ko siya.

Doon niya yata napagtantong ngumingiti siya kaya medyo tumikhim siya at tiningnan ang phone niya.

“The girls love to plan some trips and travels. Sumasama rin kaming boys since we have nothing to do,” sabi ko habang palingon lingon sa kanya.

He nodded and looked at the screen of his phone. I tilted my head to see what he was doing. Nahagip ng mga mata ko ang pictures nila ng mga girls. He has with the boys too, and I can sense his same reaction. He seems a bit more comfortable now.

“This isn’t the first time, so expect more travels with them since you are now part of us.”

Tumikhim siya at umiwas ng tingin kahit alam kong nagpipigil lang siyang ngumiti.

Chapter 12

Crazy

My subjects weren’t too heavy to handle since I got some time to reply to the girls hitting my DM. Sa mga sumunod na araw, ka text ko na si Jessie.

I wanted to at least get to know her, just like I said. And of course, why would I lie when I know where this is leading. If she’s okay… then why not? Besides, I’m single? And…I like pretty women.

Jessie:

Sorry for the late reply. Nagrequest ng video calls sila Angela. Kasama rin si Shiloh

I was typing a reply for Rowena when I read her message. Natigil ako sa pagtitipa at kumunot ang noo.

I checked my other social media accounts to see if there was a request, but there was none. Tahimik naman ang group chat. What the fuck? They have gc’s that I am not included?

Ako:

Which gc? Or is it a Google Meet? What’s the code?

Narinig ko agad ang tawa ni Shiloh sa kabilang kuwarto. I didn’t go to his room since some of the girls I was texting were requesting some video calls. Baka mangdisturbo na naman ’yon at wala na yata akong babae dahil sa kanya.

Jessie:

Girls group chat? Wala ka yata doon.

But they invited Shiloh? The favoritism it is. Tumayo agad ako at lumabas ng kuwarto. I knocked once on the door and opened it until I saw him lying on his stomach with his iPad in front of him. Lumingon si Shiloh na dala pa ang ngiti ngunit binawi niya rin at binalik sa harap.

“Mag Boracay tayo this month ha! After the exam! Sasama na naman ’yang boys lalo na’t bida bida rin ’yang si Brent at mangchichix lang naman talaga,” it was Angela’s voice.

“Sige,” Shiloh nodded enthusiastically.

I walked to his bed and tilted my head until I saw myself on Shiloh’s camera. I was topless while holding my phone and arching my brow.

“Ano ’yon?” singit ko.

“Buti narinig mo, Brent! Nilakasan ko talaga ang boses ko para marinig mo kasi alam kong roommates kayo.” Ngisi ni Angela.

I rolled my eyes and joined Shiloh on the bed. Umusog siya ng kaonti at nakatitig lang sa camera. I looked at the screen to scan the girls. I immediately found Jessie, who was one of them in her sleeveless top that made my lips twitch a bit.

I cleared my throat and looked at the screen of my phone when Jessie’s text flashed.

Jessie:

I wish you were my roommate too hahahaha Shiloh is so lucky

Ako:

Pagod tayo araw-araw kung ikaw ang roommate ko hahaha

I looked at the screen to see her reaction. Lalo na’t noong binasa niya, namilog agad ang kanyang mga mata at namula. I bit my lower lip while smiling and running my fingers through my hair.

“Palabasin mo na nga ’yan si Brent, Shiloh! Lalandiin lang niyan si Jessie! Tingnan mo oh! Topless pa!” si Sheena.

Humalakhak ako. “Why is Shiloh included in this group chat but I’m not? Parang si Shiloh pa yata ang nakasama niyo ng matagal at ako itong nagiging sampid lang ah?”

“May secrets kasi kami nila Shiloh! Hindi namin sasabihin sa’yo kasi ipagkakalat mo sa boys!”

Kumunot ang noo ko at bumaling kay Shiloh na nakatingin pa rin sa camera. Secrets? At ano naman?

My phone beeped, so I checked it to see who replied. Nakita ko ang sunod sunod na text nila. One of them was Jessie. Sumingit nga lang ang tawag ni Sadie kaya sinagot ko iyon at tumayo saglit.

“Hindi mo ako ininvite!” she whined as soon as I answered the call.

“I dunno with the girls. They planned it. They didn’t invite you?” I asked while walking out of Shiloh’s room.

“Hindi, Brent! Tama talaga ang kutob ko! Angela likes Shiloh! She wants him for herself! Kaya hindi ako in-invite!”

Umangat agad ang aking kilay lalo na’t si Reena naman ang madalas ding dumikit kay Shiloh ganoon din si Kelsie. Actually… All of the girls are fond of him. I just can’t figure out who’s crushing at him since everyone seems so addicted to being with Shiloh.

“Pupunta na ako sa condo niyo! Bibisitahin ko si Shiloh,” she demanded.

“Bawal ka rito. At nagpapa goodshot pa ako kay Mommy.”

The call lasted for half an hour until I finally convinced her to give it more time. I really can’t imagine this girl being Shiloh’s girlfriend. Sa kulit niyang ’yan baka pagsarhan lang din siya ng pinto ni Shiloh. O kaya itataboy.

Or I can’t imagine him having a girlfriend…

I went back inside Shiloh’s room to check if he was still talking to the girls. Kaso nagulat ako na isang babae nalang ang nandoon, and it’s Angela. Naalala ko tuloy ang bintang ni Sadie.

Bumalik ako sa gilid ni Shiloh. He didn’t mind as I looked at Jessie’s texts thirty minutes ago.

Jessie:

Sino yung tumawag? Girlfriend? Hahahaha

Ako:

A friend :D

Jessie immediately replied while I was listening to Shiloh and Angela’s topic. It’s about movies.

“Anong pinapanood mo, Shiloh?” si Angela na kuryoso at nagtatanong ng recommendation.

“He’s into cartoons. Those Ghiblis,” I answered nonchalantly while looking at Jessie’s reply.

Jessie:

Sus friend daw pero hindi pala hahaha

Ako:

It’s Sadie. I think Angela has introduced her to you

Jessie:

Ah si Sadie. Nabanggit nga ni Angela na close kayo. Girl bestfriend?

Ako:

Sort of

“Talaga, Ghibli?! At anong cartoon, Brent! Anime ’yon! Ang dalang lang ng boys na mahilig sa Ghibli! Ang cute mo naman, Shiloh!” Angela said.

Hearing their wholesome topic felt like I was a father who’s trying to guard my daughter talking to her crush.

“I like it too. I’ve watched it,” singit ko.

Angela leered at me. “Umalis ka nga sa tabi ni Shiloh, Brent! Kami ang nag-uusap.”

I only chuckled and looked at Jessie’s reply.

Jessie:

Pass sa mga may girl bestfriend. I remember my ex. It’s toxic. Baka gano’n ka rin na boyfriend?

“Manood tayo niyan, Shiloh!”

“Sure. Mahaba ang…recommendation ko,” Shiloh said so I glanced at him and found his eyes looking at my phone.

Umangat ang aking kilay. Ibinalik niya agad ang tingin sa camera lalo na’t ganado na si Angela sa topic.

“Naririnig ko kasi ’yang Howl’s Moving Castle. Maganda daw ’yan. Pwedeng ’yan ang una nating panoorin!”

“Ah… Iba nalang. Maganda ’yung Arietty.”

Howl’s… Oh…

I glanced at Shiloh and laughed. “That’s our favorite. That granny…” I said meaningfully.

Namula si Shiloh at nasuklay ang harapang buhok na hinawakan niya saglit at natawa rin. Tiningnan ko si Angela na kuryoso.

“The female lead turns into a granny, which was the leading girl of the man named Howl who lost the color of his blond wig—”

“Gago ka! Totoo niya ’yung buhok! Pinanood mo ba talaga!” singhal ni Shiloh pero natatawa.

“And they lived in that moving castle with a talking fire, Angela. Go and watch it by yourself,” patuloy ko.

“Spoiler ka, Brent! Papanoorin dapat namin ’yan ni Shiloh!” she hissed.

“We already watched it,” I chuckled and shrugged.

Tiningnan ko ulit ang reply ni Jessie dahil parang hindi ko mahanapan ng reply ang text niya.

Ako:

I dunno. I’m not someone’s ex since I never had a girlfriend

Jessie:

Ah edi fuckboy lang talaga? Hahahaha

Jessie:

Sabi nila Angela eh

Shiloh was now chuckling beside me as he talked about his favorite movie. Medyo naasiwa na ako magreply at nawawalan na ng gana kaya itinaob ko ang phone ko at sumali sa usapan nila ni Angela.

“Oh… That cute goldfish who looked like Shiloh,” asar ko kaya nasira ang ekspresyon ni Shiloh at pairap na umismid.

“Brent ang ingay mo! Lumabas kana nga! Hindi kami nakakapag-usap nang matino dahil sa’yo!” si Angela na kung pwede ay lumabas sa camera dahil sa paglapit ng kanyang mukha ay hinila na yata ako.

“Why? What’s wrong if I join?”

“Doon ka sa girls mo! Busy kami ni Shiloh dito!” Angela insisted as she gestured to shoo me away.

To piss her off even more, I ended the call and smirk. Ngunit nang nilingon si Shiloh na masama na ang tingin sa akin, napawi ang ngiti ko.

“You can… call her again,” I suggested abruptly.

“Ba’t ka nangingialam? Hindi nga ako nangingialam sa phone mo.” Irita niyang kuha sa kanyang iPad.

I immediately gave my phone to him just to stop him from getting angry.

“Here. Pakialaman mo rin para kwits.”

Irita niya iyong hinawi kaya nahulog sa kama.

“Pakialamero ka talaga,” he hissed.

Kunot-noo ko siyang tiningnan. “Why? Do you like Angela romantically?”

“At ano naman ’yon sa’yo? Gusto mo si Jessie ’di ba? Pinakialaman ko ba?” His brow was arching the way he fired his words while the movement of his red lips looked so…sensual.

I knitted my brows as I tried to concentrate.

“Then…should I stop texting her?” Halos wala sa sarili kong sabi, nagkakasalubong pa rin ang kilay kakatitig sa kanya.

“Wala nga akong pakialam doon!”

“But you’re making a fuss about Jessie. Then… I’ll stop texting her if you like,” I suggested calmly.

“Hindi naman ’yan ang issue dito! Nag-uusap kami ni Angela tapos pinatay mo!” giit niya sa iritasyon, ang mukha ay namumula na naman sa galit.

“Then call her again. Easy.” I smirked and tried to get his iPad, but he only slapped my hand.

I swallowed a bit. He’s really mad at me.

“Hindi ko kayo pinapakialaman ni Jessie kaya huwag mo rin akong pakialaman,” he barked with those dagger eyes.

“Then here. Invade it too.” Saka ko muling ibinigay sa kanya ang phone ko ngunit sa galit niya, mas marahas niya iyong tinabig hanggang sa lumipad na iyon at natilapon sa sahig.

Kapwa namin iyon tiningnan lalo na’t sa lakas ng pagkakahulog, pakiramdam ko nabasag pa yata ang screen ng phone ko.

When I glanced at him, I saw the sudden regret in his eyes and that he looked so apologetic. Gumalaw ako na mabilis niyang ikinagalaw at handa agad umiwas.

I sighed and got out of bed to take my phone calmly. Tahimik niya akong pinanood. He looked nervous, as he only tried to appear unfazed by it when I could sense it.

Pinulot ko at kitang basag nga ang screen. Fuck. I sighed and tried to manipulate it, which was still fine. Sadyang basag lang talaga.

I opened the texts from Jessie and walked back to Shiloh. Hindi siya halos makatingin sa akin at kita ko ang palihim niyang pagpisil sa kanyang mga kamay.

“Here.” I calmly handed the phone. “Delete something that pissed you off.”

Kumunot saglit ang noo niya. He lifted his head just to look at me, so I arched my brow and tilted my head to coax him to do what will satisfy him.

Nanliit ang mga mata niya. “Huwag ka lang nakikialam sa mga ginagawa ko kasi hindi kita pinapakialaman,” giit niya.

“That’s why I’m letting you invade mine coz I like invading yours,” I suggested.

Nalaglag ang panga niya. His eyes drifted to the screen of my phone again. Man… He looked so guilty. Magagalit pa ba ako kung mukha nang papaiyak ang isang ’to pag nagtaas lang ako ng boses?

Siya naman sana ang may kasalanan nito…kung ibang lalake lang ’to baka inupakan ko na.

But I couldn’t even raise my anger like a volcano ready to erupt as soon as I saw how apologetic he was. Well, he didn’t mean it. It was my fault since I was showing my phone to him and his hand accidentally smashed it.

Tang…ina. Para ko na ring sinabi na kahit saksakin niya ako ngayon ay kasalanan ng kutsilyo dahil matulis. Gago ka, Brent.

I found him looking at my phone again. His eyes looked so unsteady. I sighed and sat on his side as I crouched with my parted legs. I boredly played with my phone as I looked at him.

“It’s just a phone,” I said calmly.

“Hindi ka pa bumibili ng… laptop ah? Hindi ka pa binibigyan ng allowance ni Tita?”

The truth is, I already received my allowance, but I didn’t buy it yet, so I could come here to his room and borrow his iPad.

Tumikhim ako at inilahad ang kamay ko sa kanya. He swallowed a bit as he handed his iPad to me.

I manipulated the screen and was about to call Angela again when he gripped my pulse. Napatingin ako sa kamay niya.

“H-Huwag na,” he said shakily.

“Tawagan mo ulit. Lalabas na rin ako,” I said and tried to click the call button, but he gripped my pulse more.

I noticed that his messenger was full of girls sending messages to him. Nagrereply siya sa ilan, at ang ilan ay hindi niya pa nabubuksan. It looked familiar coz this is how my messenger looked as well. Mas malala pa nga yata.

May mga gc rin doon which is ours since he’s part of the boys too. I scrolled down as my eyes widened when there were boys messaging him too. At ang nakakagulat, even Verena has messages for him. Ni hindi nga ako in-accept nito sa facebook…

Now I’m pissed. Ito yata ang hindi ko kayang palampasin na pati si Verena… I wanted to delete all of them or just block them one by one. But just like he said to me, he’s not invading mine, so I shouldn’t invade his privacy too.

I stared at it for a while. My neck was tensing. I think I needed to smoke. Damn I needed to release this fucking stress! Hindi nga ako naggirlfriend para walang ganitong drama pero ibang sakit sa ulo pa yata ang napasukan ko.

Hinablot niya sa akin ang kanyang iPad.

“Do you reply most of those messages?” I asked curiously.

“Pag nasa mood.”

I licked my lip. Nasa mood?

“Lumabas kana,” he said in a cold voice.

I boredly put my knuckles on the side of my head as I watched him stand and walk to the other side of his room.

Itinago niya ang iPad niya sa drawer. Parang sinisigurado pa yata na hindi ko magagantihan.

“Who do you reply the most?” I interrogated.

He moved into his room again and started cleaning the surroundings.

“Verena.”

Mariin akong pumikit. Halos kumibot ang aking labi habang nagpipigil ng galit.

“Block her.”

Napalingon siya sa akin. Kung galit siya, pwes galit din ako!

“I’ll block Jessie so block Verena too.” I manipulated my phone but as I tried to press it, it didn’t even move. Hayop. Naghang pa yata!

Ilang sigundo siyang nakatitig doon, tila ba naghihintay. Ilang pindot pa ang ginawa ko, umitim na.

Nalaglag ang panga ko. My phone really died. Dahan dahan niyang iniwas ang tingin habang mahaba ang buntong hininga ko at nahawakan ang buhok. I tried to calm myself down and purse my lips so I won’t snap.

This is just a freaking phone. Ano lang naman ang sixty thousand plus na cellphone, hindi ba? Wala lang naman ’to… Ayos lang ’yan, Brent…

“May mga murang android ngayon,” he suggested in his cold voice while he was still cleaning his room.

Pumikit ako. Man… He’s making it worse. Magsorry ka! Tang ina. Hindi yata gagaan ang loob ko kung hindi hiningi ng tawad ang isang ’to. Lalo na kung hindi niya ibablock si Verena.

“Merong five thousand nga? Makikipagchat ka lang naman yata sa mga babae mo. Hindi naman…importante.”

God…dammit. I can’t even settle on a low-quality camera coz all my life I’ve been an iPhone user, and he’s urging me to use a damn Android phone?!

“And how am I supposed to call you, huh?”

“Edi pupuntahan kita sa classroom niyo kung uwian na.”

Wait…that sounds actually good. Pero hindi lang dahil diyan para huminahon agad ako!

“Android naman ako. Dual sim ’to.” Inabala niya ang sarili sa paglilinis kahit hindi naman kailangang linisan talaga sa sobrang arrange. Pinaglilipat niya lang. Takot ’tong lumapit sa akin dahil sa iritasyon ko ngayon, talagang gusto ko siyang ibalibag.

“Makilog-in ka lang sa akin minsan. Minsan lang,” he bargained.

Pumikit akong muli. I think I need the heavens to give me infinite patience coz Shiloh is just too good at pushing buttons. Kung hindi lang ako nakakapagtimpi talaga…nasakal ko na yata ’to.

To my disappointment that he’s not saying sorry to me, I pulled myself up harshly. Nagusot ko pa ang bago niyang inayos na bedsheet na ikinasama ng tingin niya kaya inayos ko agad.

But then, when I remembered that he’s the one who’s not saying sorry to me, I pulled the bedsheet until it became messy again.

“Lumabas kana nga!” he shouted until something went flying at me.

I groaned when it hit my face. It’s just a soft pillow, but it irritated my eyes. Marahas ko iyong dinampot at inambang itapon sa kanya pabalik sa aking inis. But then, I stopped midway and just walked toward him, handling it gently with my angry face.

He took it harshly from my hand and leered at me. “Lumabas kana,” he barked.

Naglakad ako palabas at nailing. Nag-amba pa akong lakasan ang pagkakasara dahil sa sama ng loob pero hinanaan ko nalang at baka ako na naman ang masama at mapalayas sa mismong condo ko.

Shiloh and his demonic temper! Mukha lang siyang anghel, mukhang hulog ng langit at parang ang bait bait! Mababaliw na yata ako at hindi ko man lang masigawan. I should invite him to the gym so I have a reason to punch him during our sparring session! Heck, he’s making me crazy!

Chapter 13

Little Demon

I was so pissed that I called Mom just to rant about it! I need a new phone! Kung pwedeng galawin ko ang funds ko makabili lang, gagawin ko. Anong android pinagsasabi niya? And seeing the black screen of my phone will only worsen my anger.

“Oh Brent!”

I was about to talk when she looked so sad.

“Nalaman ko sa Tita Solene mo na ayaw raw mag birthday ni Shiloh…”

My anger turned into dust as soon as I heard it.

“When is his birthday?” I asked.

“This month! He’s turning nineteen!”

“Turning? I thought he was already nineteen?”

“Talaga? He’s turning nineteen, Brent! Kaso baka ayaw niya kasi nalaman ko sa Tita Solene mo, noong mismong birthday niya, namatay ang Lola niya kaya hindi nakapaghanda kasi naging burol pa ng lola niya.”

Oh… Knowing that he has a frame with his grandma. I could sense how much he was affected when she died.

“Baka pwede mong i-treat sa birthday niya? I’ll give your allowance in advance.”

“I need my funds too, mom.”

“Bakit?”

“My phone died.”

Bumuntonghininga siya. “Ano bang mga pinaggagawa mo sa mga gamit mo at nasisira?”

“The demon in my condo broke it,” I murmured.

“Ano?”

“I said send my funds, please. I need the money.”

Sunod sunod ang pagpipigil kong magdabog sa sumunod na mga araw. I cooked food for breakfast, and he would present to wash the dishes, which became our own routine in the condo.

He never said sorry, and I’m not sure if he blocked her. Hindi talaga nababali ang isang ’to. Guguho nalang siguro ang mundo pero si Shiloh, hindi pa rin matitibag bumagyo man o bumaha. Mas gugustuhin pa siguro niyang malunod at magpalutang lutang sa tubig kaysa humingi ng tawad! Baka kahit lumindol ay gusto nalang niyan magpalamon sa lupa!

“Pass me the water,” turo ko sa pitsel sa umagang iyon habang kapwa na kami bihis na bihis para pumunta sa school mamaya.

“Abot mo naman,” he answered in his usual cold demeanor.

I sighed and licked my lips. Kahit siguro maputulan ako ng kamay hindi yata ako nito tutulungan. Kung ito lagi ang kasama ko…tatanda agad yata ako sa kunsumisyon.

“Come to me after your subjects. Kung wala ka pa sa limang minuto, iiwan na kita,” I said and stood first to my irritation.

“Edi magtataxi,” I heard him whisper.

See? Singtaas na ng bundok ang pasensya ko, pero itong pride ni Shiloh ayaw magpatalo.

He’s such a pain in the ass. As far as I remember, he’s the one who was at fault. But then, as I tried to remember where it all started, it was my fault since I ended his call with Angela.

Kumalma ako saglit habang nagmamaneho na. I cleared my throat and maneuvered the car swiftly as I drove to the parking lot of the school.

“I’m sorry, by the way,” tikhim ko. “I won’t do it again. I’ll just talk to Angela later and apologize too…”

Nanatili ang tingin ko sa kalsada, medyo kabado ngunit hindi ko lang pinahalatang kuryoso ako sa reaksyon niya.

Now that I apologized, he might apologize for what he has done to my phone too? And he might…block Verena? Dahil kung gagawin niya ang lahat ng ’yan, huhupa talaga itong galit ko. I might be having a good day with my broken phone. So what, right, Brent?

Tumigil na ang kotse sa parking lot. Kinalas niya ang seatbelt at naunang lumabas sabay sara ng pinto ng malakas.

My jaw dropped. I smashed the beep of my car to get his attention. Sa sobrang gulat niya ay napatalon siya saglit at matalim ang lingon sa aking kotse.

I put my hands at the back of my head and shut my eyes as I swallowed hard. Damn…it. He’s driving me crazy. Binabaan ko na nga ang pride ko, nilunok ko pa! While his pride is acting like a goddamn seven feet taller than me! That shorty is a demon hiding in an angelic facade!

Nanatili iyon sa isip ko habang nasa kalagitnaan ng lectures. Dala dala ko rin noong nasa cafeteria na kasama ang mga boys, at kahit sa sumunod na subject, talagang hindi natanggal sa isip ko.

Man… I’ve already said sorry. What am I supposed to do? Kneel? Fuck no.

“Gago ka talaga, Brent!” Hinampas agad sa akin ni Angela ang hawak niyang libro nang magkakitaan na kaming lahat pagkatapos ng klase.

“I’m sorry, alright?” ngisi ko.

She leered at me while my eyes drifted to Shiloh, who’s now with the girls as they have some topics that are making his lips stretch.

Tumikhim ako at ibinalik ang tingin kay Angela.

“Go to the condo unit and watch Ghibli with him. I won’t mind…” pagpaparinig ko nang kumalma na ang pag-aalburoto ni Shiloh.

“Hindi ’no! May ibang usapan kami! Manonood kami ng movie sa cinema.”

Now… That’s not fair.

Umangat ang aking kilay. Nagmagandang loob ako, tapos mababalewala? At sila lang dalawa?

I told the boys about it. It’s just a smooth conversation that I included.

“Tayong boys?” Tyler asked when I told them to hit the cinema.

“We haven’t done it without the girls. Kung cinema lang naman, sa bahay nalang, Brent. We have a theater. Solo pa natin,” Connor suggested.

“There’s a new release showing in the cinema. Those are better,” I said.

That’s why when I showed up in the cinema together with Tyler, Connor, Mavric, and Ronan as we spotted the girls with Shiloh, their jaws dropped.

“Hoy mga tarantado! Bakit kayo nandito?!” Sheena shouted at us when they saw us lining up too.

The boys looked so confused. I only shrugged as I saw the spark in Jessie’s eyes. She smiled at me, so I smiled back.

“Brent’s idea,” si Mavric sabay turo sa akin.

“Dude… nakakahalata na ako. Do you like Jessie that much?” bulong ni Tyler na itinuko ang braso sa balikat ko.

My brows knitted as I laughed. “How come?”

“Hindi ka ganito pumorma sa girls, dude. You’re not a creep. You don’t actually chase. You just let these girls come and go while you’re jumping from one girl to another. But this…stalking her…is kinda…out of your style.”

“Is this your new step to get over Verena? Tanggap mo na, Brent?” Hagalpak ni Connor at itinuko rin ang kanyang kamay sa kabila kong balikat.

We moved forward while the girls at the front kept glaring at us. Si Jessie lamang ata ang kalmado at ngumingiti sa akin.

“You know, Jessie is actually hot. The curves, the rack…the height. She’s like a model type. Matalino rin daw ’yan,” bulong ni Tyler.

“Kung nabagok ka at gusto nang maggirlfriend, she’s actually one of the best girls you could pull, Brent. Sikat na sikat ’yan sa kabilang Department kasi nagpapageant din pala,” si Ronan.

“Maybe it’s time you settle down—”

“Tang ina niyo. Manonood lang ako ng movie kung ano ano na ang pinagsasabi niyo,” putol ko nang marindi na sa pinagsasabi nila.

Tumawa silang apat at ayaw maniwala. We had already walked to the cinema and taken the chairs behind the girls.

“Nagtetext na raw kayo eh. The girls were loud about it,” si Mavric nang makaupo na kami.

“I’m here to watch over Shiloh since mom—”

“Gago ka! Dinadamay mo pa si Shiloh!” putol ni Connor at humagalpak sabay hampas ng likod ko.

I licked my lower lip and watched from the front how the girls were giving Shiloh some food. Walang nagbibigay ng drinks.

I took Mavric’s drink as he was about to sip it and leaned forward as I handed it to Shiloh.

Shiloh was a bit shocked when the drink suddenly popped out between him and Jessie. Nagkatinginan pa silang dalawa kaya medyo idinikit ko sa pisngi ni Shiloh nang lumamig na ang ulo niya sa akin.

“Here.”

Kinuha iyon ni Shiloh. I sat again comfortably, a bit relieved that he took it.

“Akin ’yon ah?” Mavric looked at his drink that he hadn’t sipped yet.

“Shiloh! Ito pa,” si Connor sa hawak niyang drink kahit nasipsip niya na.

Shiloh glanced at us and looked at the drink. Kinuha ko iyon at sinipsip. Tumingin si Shiloh sa akin kaya inangat ko ang aking kilay. Sige nga at magalit ka. Coz I wouldn’t mind arguing with you here in the cinema.

Binawi niya ang tingin at ibinigay kay Jessie ang binigay kong drink. Angela offered another drink, which he took. Grabeng pride.

My foot was really aching to kick the back of his chair, but he might get hurt. Kung hindi siya nakaupo, sisipain ko ’yon.

The movie started. Sa unang scene pa lang ng palabas, umungol na sila Tyler at nag-aamba pang tumayo si Mavric na hinila lang ni Ronan habang natatawa.

“What’s this movie? A cartoon?” reklamo ni Mavric.

“Sshh!” the girls at the front glared at us in chorus.

“I think it’s an anime,” I said nonchalantly as I leaned back in my seat and rested the side of my head against my knuckles.

The girls seem to be having fun while passing their snacks to each other and sharing it. Nakikita ko ang paghawak ni Angela sa pulso ni Shiloh at igigiya ang drinks ni Shiloh saka niya sisipsipin.

“What? Is this a fantasy?” bulong ni Tyler kay Ronan.

“Bakit, Tyler? May babae bang nagiging pusa sa totoong buhay?” si Ronan.

“Those were what they called ghosts. Those black cats…” si Tyler.

“Naniniwala kayo diyan? Ano ’yon, lahing aswang?” si Mavric na nilingon sila sa gilid ko.

“Dude, in the province, those things exist,” si Connor.

“It’s just one of those bedtime stories to scare the kids, you know—”

“Shh, Brent!” saway ng mga girls.

I pursed my lips. Ako lang ba ang nakikita ng mga ’to?

“Ang ingay talaga niyang si Brent,” iling ni Angela at may sama ng loob pa yata ang pagkakabanggit.

I boredly watch the movie, including the boys, who have no choice but to bear with it. Humihikab na si Mavric. Si Tyler, kuryoso ang tingin, si Ronan naman, medyo nadadala sa scene ganoon din si Connor na medyo interesado.

I curiously looked at the front and saw Shiloh silently watching. He’s having fun. It seems like these kinds of movies were his comfort zone, huh.

Bumaling si Jessie kaya tiningnan ko rin siya hanggang nahuli niya ang titig ko. She flushed a bit and smiled a little as she took her eyes away from me. Nagkatinginan ang boys sa akin, tila ba ako na ang binabantayan nila dahil hindi makarelate sa palabas.

Nailing si Mavric sa akin habang lumalandas ang ngisi. I tried to concentrate on the movie to appreciate it, but every time Mavric would share his opinion, we’d laugh.

Nagsisilingunan na sa amin ang iilang naroon. Some girls were giggling too every time they glanced at us. Binato pa kami ng empty cans ng mga kaibigan naming girls para lang tumahimik kami. I tried to stifle my laughter, but every time Mavric would glance at me, we’d burst out loud.

This isn’t the vibe I felt when I watched these kinds of cartoons with Shiloh. Ni hindi ko na nga naiintindihan ang takbo ng palabas dahil nagtatawanan kami.

“Ang gagago niyo talaga!” ang mga girls nang matapos ang movie at nagsitayuan na.

Nag-inat ako ganoon din sila Tyler. Whew. I felt like I was an elementary student because of the movie.

“Alam mo, Brent, nakakagigil ka talaga! Nagdala ka pa ng alipores mo para sirain ang araw namin,” the girls fired.

May isa kasi diyang sinisira rin ang araw ko. Hindi pa nagsosorry!

I raised my hands and just chuckled. Panay pa rin ang tawanan ni Ronan, Connor at Tyler. Si Mavric ay nagpupunas na ng luha kakatawa dahil sa huli naming topic.

When I saw how Shiloh looked at me with those cold eyes and how he rolled them, my smile vanished. Wala na yata akong magandang nagagawa sa paningin ng isang ’to.

Nagkayayaan na silang umuwi. Siniko ako ni Tyler at nginuso si Jessie. I was clueless at first since I’m still trying to watch Shiloh, who’s crowded by the girls.

“Magtataxi lang daw. This is your chance. Ihatid mo na,” bulong ni Tyler.

I haven’t thought of it. Tumingin ang mga girls sa amin at nagpapaalam na ang iilan. I gestured to Shiloh to come to me so we could go home.

“Uy Brent!” Angela called meaningfully and looked at Jessie.

It caught our other friends’ attention. Nagsimula na naman silang asarin kami.

“Iuwi mo nang maayos Brent ha!” si Reena.

“Baka hindi kana rin umuwi, Brent,” hagalpak ni Ronan at nakipag-apir kay Mavric.

I couldn’t stop the teasing. Every time they started it, it was like a fire I couldn’t even put out.

“Baka… may lakad pa si Brent. Ayos lang,” Jessie said apologetically.

Inakbayan agad ako ni Mavric. “Ito may lakad? Sus. Ikaw ang sinadya nito rito kaya kami sumabit sa pambatang movie.”

“Dude!” saway ko lalo na’t hindi naman ’yan totoo.

“Imagine it, Jess… He came all the way here to stalk you because he wanted to be with you.” At ang tarantadong si Tyler na dinagdagan pa.

Tumawa ang mga girls at tinukso kaming lalo. I scratched my nape coz it’s getting out of hand. Ihahatid ko na nga nang matahimik na ang mga ’to.

“It’s fine, Jess. Tara?” anyaya ko.

Tumili sila. Jessie’s eyes widened, but she immediately nodded.

“Tara, Shiloh! Kami na ang maghahatid sa’yo,” si Connor na inambahan pang akbayan si Shiloh.

“Sasama ’yan sa akin,” ngisi ko kay Connor at hinila si Shiloh patungo sa akin.

Nagpaalam na ang lahat at sa parking lot kami nagkawatak watak. Pinagbuksan ko ng pinto si Jessie sa front seat at nilingon ang pagpasok ni Shiloh sa back seat. Galit pa rin yata.

“Thank you,” ani Jessie kaya naibalik ko ang tingin sa kanya at ngumiti sabay sara ng pinto.

Shiloh and his damn pride…

Pagkapasok sa driver’s seat, tumingin agad ako sa salamin para tingnan siya sa likuran. Doon pa umupo sa pinakadulo at nakatingin lang sa labas ng bintana.

I drove the car at full speed after asking for Jessie’s address.

“Uh… hindi ka nagrereply sa mga text ko?” puna ni Jessie sa kalagitnaan ng byahe lalo na’t traffic.

“My phone broke,” I said, looking at the mirror to check his reaction.

“Talaga? Hindi ka pa nakakabili?”

Umiling ako at inayos ang aking buhok sa salamin.

“How about your allowance?” she asked.

“I have an important thing to spend my money on this month. Maybe I’ll buy it next month?”

Kita ko ang gulat niya.

“Ang layo pa no’n,” she chuckled.

I chuckled too while putting my hands at the back of my hands, resting a bit as I watched the traffic in front.

“Paano tayo… mag-uusap?” she whispered.

Napabaling ako sa kanya. I haven’t thought of the girls in my DMs lately. May mas pinoproblema ako na hindi na yata sumasagi sa isip ko ang mga babae. At ayos lang naman na wala muna akong phone. ’Yun nga lang, pahirapan sa contacts sa mga boys. I’m just thankful that I could drive my way to their houses or that they could give me some advance heads-ups at school for our plans.

“Sayang naman kung… mapuputol?” she chuckled meaningfully.

“We could still talk since we have the same circle. That’s easy.”

“Pero mas maganda pa rin kung… private?”

I played with my tongue as I twisted it in my mouth. I can read the cryptic messages she’s sending me. Sinabi ko namang kikilalanin ko siya. But… I guess I am not that interested in going deeper. Ayos na itong magkaibigan kami.

Tumingin ulit ako sa ibabaw ng salamin. What could this strawberry boy be thinking about while watching outside the window?

After the traffic ended, I immediately pulled the gear and drove fast so I could send her home.

“Thank you, Brent…” si Jessie nang pagbuksan ko siya ng pinto.

I closed it and nodded. “You’re welcome. Pumasok kana…”

“Uh… natawa ako sa sinabi nila Mavric. I mean, sinabi mo sana para nakanood tayo ng movies na tayo lang dalawa?”

“Ah…” Hinaplos ko ang batok ko. “Actually, they’re… just assuming that I meant to go there because of you…but it’s not.”

Napawi ang ngiti niya. I’ve been straightforward with girls, always letting them know what I truly want so that they won’t end up being hopeful. I wanted to make it clear that I don’t want a relationship. Bahala nang magalit sa akin basta malinaw na ayokong makipagrelasyon.

Lalo na’t ramdam ko na itong si Jessie, ang gusto ay boyfriend. I could sense it in the way she responded to my previous texts.

She’s comparing me to his ex, who has a girl best friend. Which means she wanted a relationship where she didn’t want any girls involved. A real relationship that I couldn’t offer at all.

“Jess… I’m… a fuckboy. A playboy, yes. And I want you to know that… I don’t want any relationship deeper than… sex. Totoo ang sinasabi nila sa akin.”

Kita ko ang pagseseryoso niya. She looked hurt. I was bothered because I knew Shiloh could see us. My car is tinted, but I know he’s watching.

“Hindi ako naniniwala, Brent. Kasi noong naiwan tayong dalawa sa kuwarto, hindi mo naman ako ginalaw. Nirespeto mo ako.”

“I’m a fuckboy, but most of my sexcapades have consents and are done in the women’s conditions. I don’t fuck while the woman isn’t sober. And just like what I’ve said, we were forced by our friends. That’s not a consent to actually… do it with you.”

She smiled a little. “Ano bang…gusto mo? Sex lang? I mean…fuck buddy thingy?”

Kumunot ang noo ko.

“Have you done that before?”

Umiling siya. “I’m into serious relationships…but if you only want those things then…”

What? And she’s considering it? Napailing ako.

“Then don’t try it. Believe me, girls like you who aren’t used to this kind of set-up will only end up getting hurt since there are no strings attached. Just pure fuck. So don’t lower your standard for me, Jess. Don’t settle for less. You deserve better than someone who only wants to get into your pants.” I chuckled.

Tumawa siya. “Brent…you are making this hard for me coz I like you so much! Lalo na ngayong…ganyan ka!”

Tumawa rin ako ngunit nang napapatingin sa bintana ng kotse ko, napapawi agad lalo na’t baka iniisip ng isa diyan na nakikipaglandian ako rito…

“We could be friends since you’re already part of the girls,” agap ko.

Tumango si Jessie. “Sure. Kaso baka asarin nila tayo ulit.”

“Don’t mind it. Ganyan naman ’yan sila lagi. They always pair me with girls.”

“Pero si Verena daw…”

“Ah… yes. That second-year college student. Kaso mailap ’yon. Baka kahit makagraduate ako hindi ako no’n papansinin.” I chuckled.

She was about to say something, but I immediately pointed at the car to let her know that I was now going.

“Goodnight, Jessie,” I smiled.

“Goodnight, Brent. Thank you for clearing this up early. At least I won’t be that hopeful…”

Tumango ako. “No problem…”

Whew. Now let’s get back to this little demon in my car…

Chapter 14

Prank

I went into the driver’s seat and started the engine again.

“Sit at the front,” I said.

Hindi agad siya kumilos kaya nilingon ko siya.

“I’m not driving unless you sit here at the front.”

Umismid siya sa akin. “Bakit pa? Lilipad ba ako sa langit kung sa harap ako nakaupo?”

Oh good lord…

Huminga ako, gustong magtawag ng santo, na sana ay hindi magdilim ang paningin ko kakapikit sa tuwing nasasagad niya ang pasensya ko.

“Just do it, Shiloh. Stop being an ass,” I warned.

Padabog niyang binuksan ang pinto. I calmed down a bit because he listened to me. Kaso sa rahas ng pagkakasara ng pinto, pakiramdam ko iniisip niyang ako iyon.

I cleared my throat as soon as he opened the front door and slipped in. I watched him as he closed the door, pulled the seatbelt to the side, and glared at me.

“What?” I asked innocently and pulled the gear.

Nailing siya at tila ba dismayado sa akin. At ano na namang nagawa ko?

“I told her we’d stop texting. Kung mainit pa rin ang ulo mo kahit ginawa ko na ang mga gusto mo…” I murmured nonchalantly and started maneuvering the steering wheel using my one hand.

“Anong sinabi mo?” he interrogated.

I swallowed hard, afraid that I’d done the wrong thing to piss him off even more.

“My phone broke. It’s good for us if we don’t communicate anymore,” sabi ko habang nanatili ang tingin sa kalsada.

“’Yung sinabi mo kanina,” he demanded in his stern voice.

“I… did something that would calm you down?” I arched my brow and slowly glanced at him, and to my eyes back to the front right away after seeing the rage in his expression.

Man…

“Bakit?”

“What? I thought you would like it if we weren’t texting? You’ve been making a fuss about it.”

“Sinabi mo ba ’yan sa kanya kanina?”

“I didn’t. I just told her that I didn’t come to the cinema to actually be with her. The boys were misleading. She might think I like her and she might get hopeful. I don’t want to have conflicts with the girls, especially now that she’s getting close to our circles—”

“At sinabi mong dahil sa akin?” putol niya, tila ba hindi kumbinsido sa mga rason na inilapag ko.

“I didn’t. I just told her I wanted it off. I only want sex with no strings attached, and she wanted deeper than that. I cannot give that to her.”

“Kaya bakit nirarason mo sa akin ngayon na dahil sa akin kaya tinigil mo?” he clarified.

Nilingon ko siyang muli. He looked confrontational this time. I could sense it.

“Why? I wanted to keep that to myself. It’s between me and you. Why would I even tell that to her?”

Nanliit ang tingin niya sa akin. “At pumunta ka kanina dahil… nandoon ako?”

I nodded. “Yes. I wanted to join the movies. You girls are excluding us from the fun, that’s why we invited ourselves. Besides… the boys like it—”

“Pero pumunta ka dahil nandoon ako?” he asked more.

I licked my lower lip and sighed. “Look… I’m sorry. I told you, I won’t do it again. Hindi ko na hahawakan ang iPad mo. You can spend time with the girls, call them one by one, and I will let you. Just…”

I ran out of words. Fuck.

Nanatili ang titig niya sa akin, naghihintay. Tumikhim ako at ibinalik ang tingin sa daan.

“Just tell mom that I’ve been taking care of you so well that he would increase my allowance. She’s holding my funds. Binabantaan na ako noong palalayasin sa condo ko…”

It’s like the hopes in his eyes suddenly vanished in thin air as his shoulder loosened, and he looked disappointed, but at the same time, he calmed down.

Itinuon niya ang tingin sa labas. “Sige. Sasabihin ko kay Tita.”

Damn it. I think I messed it up. Gusto ko pa sanang idagdag na iblock niya si Verena kaso baka magising na naman ang bulkan at mag-alburoto. I might not handle his heat this time.

But at least… he calms down.

“Bakit ayaw mong idate si Jessie? Parang pasok naman sa tipo mo. Malaki ang dibdib.”

I laughed that he had pointed it out. Talking about boys stuff with him seems…weird. Coz I’d rather talk to him about Ghibli things, his favorites, paintings, and the things that he likes doing than talk about girls and their boobs.

“Ah… so you think I’ll date someone because of the boobs? Is that it?” I smiled while tilting my head to see his reaction as my gaze drifted to his flat chest covered by the hoodie he’s wearing.

“Hindi ba? Sa manyak mong ’yan?”

“Woah…” Humagalpak ako. “Where is that anger coming from? Parang namemersonal ka ah?”

Bumaling siya sa akin. The lights on the street were like strings kissing the window, illuminating his face. Damn, he’s angelic. Kaya siguro ginawang ganyan ang mukha niya sa kabila ng mataas niyang sungay para mahigop niya ang galit ko.

“Nagtataka lang ako sa’yo,” he said, looking at me curiously.

“Mm?” I mumbled absentmindedly, trying to see what was in front of me and trying to glance at him from time to time. Baka kakatitig ko mabangga pa kami at totoong langit na yata ang maakyatan ko.

“Maraming babae ang galit sa’yo.”

“So?” I laughed.

“Kasi nirereject mo daw pagkatapos mong landiin.”

“Coz they ask for more than I could offer. Gusto ng relasyon. I don’t want that. Why would I even dive deeper when I only want what’s on the surface?”

“Ang talino mo pakinggan pero bobong bobo ako sa’yo.”

Tang…ina?

“Nambababae ka. Nilalandi mo. S’yempre mahuhulog sa’yo. Tapos pag gusto na ng malalim, ikaw naman ang umaayaw. Eh kung ayaw mo naman pala, bakit mo nilalandi?”

I’m cornered. I could imagine myself in a boxing ring, unable to fire some punches, as he continuously fired his attacks, knocking me out.

“That’s not always the case. I have girls who’s… game… like Jade… Jaia… Alessandra… Hmm… Roxie? And then…” my voice trailed off as soon as I saw the disgust in his face while I continuously mentioned names.

Tumikhim ako. “I mean… I have a long list of names that… are… on the same page with me. Those who would demand the same thing. Just… pure… uh… fuck,” I cleared my throat on the last word to at least cover its explicitness.

“Eh ’yung mga iniiyakan ka?”

I barked a laugh. “I dunno… Ain’t my problem?” I smirked.

“Gago.” Nailing siya.

“You see, I’m single. It’s not a crime to have multiple women coz I’m not taken.”

“Excuse ng mga gago.” Irap niya.

“What? At least I’m telling them that I can’t give more than what they wanted from me? Besides, you won’t understand it since I think you’re on the other side. But if you’re on the same page with me, you’d know why…”

Hindi na siya nagsalita pa, nakatitig lang sa labas ng bintana. Baka gusto nitong huwag na akong mambabae?

“Why? It turns you off?” I asked curiously.

He didn’t say anything. Damn… another cold treatment? Jesus!

“I ended it nicely… Told her that we could be friends. Jessie seems cool with it. I think she won’t be that heartbroken?”

Hindi pa rin sumagot. Tang…ina?

Now I’m bothered. I tried to recall my words earlier. Wala naman akong naisip na mali roon. That’s what I feel. Anong gusto niya, pabanguhin ko, magsinungaling? Eh umaalingasaw na nga sa buong school na playboy ako. And he has witnessed it in my condo not just once but twice.

At hindi ko naman sinundan na ah? At makakapambabae pa ba ako kung grabe siya mang-away? I couldn’t even concentrate on the girls in my DMs because of our fight.

Umuwi kaming tahimik. I took a bath and knocked on his door while wiping the white towel on my wet hair as I stood shirtless in front of his room.

It took a minute before he opened it, pissed again. I smiled and pushed his shoulder a bit so I could enter.

“Lemme borrow your phone,” I said, showing my SIM.

He sighed and walked to the bedside table. Umupo ako sa kama at patuloy na pinunasan ang basa kong buhok.

“Dito ka. Huwag ka sa kama ko,” he demanded, pointing at the sofa.

Kung walang sofa dito, baka sa sahig na ang itinuro niya. Tumikhim ako at tumayo. Nakakapagod makipagtalo sa isang ’to.

He handed the phone to me. Pagkakuha ko, bumalik siya sa kama kung nasaan ang mga nagkalat na libro at iPad niyang may notes. It seems like he’s doing some activities.

Umupo ako sa sofa at nakiinsert. I’m quite amazed that he lets me hold his phone. As soon as my SIM card registered and appeared at the side of his SIM, which was Smart, I started scanning the apps.

Ambang pipindutin ang tawag para sana tanungin si Jessie kung ayos lang ba siya, kinuha ng gallery ang atensyon ko.

I looked at him busy on the bed, so I leaned against the sofa and cleared my throat as I pressed it.

Bumalandra agad ang albums. Woah. So he loves taking pictures? Coz there are 2 thousand photos in his album.

I clicked it and started scrolling up. Tumigil ako sa mga selfies niya. It’s a photo of himself pouting a bit, which highlights his chinky eyes and pointed nose. Umangat ang kilay ko nang mapansing may hikaw siya noon sa tainga. I haven’t seen this in his ear anymore.

I started scanning some of his photos until I bumped into the videos. Para hindi mahuling nangingialam sa pictures niya, hininaan ko ang sound at pinanood iyon.

It was a video of him laughing at something. Hindi ko lang marinig pero sa pagngiti rin ng mga mata niya, alam kong masaya siya roon. It was his smile and eyes that were the prettiest parts of his face. Coz every time his eyes smile as well, you’d be contaminated by it.

Bumaling ang kanyang ulo sa akin kaya agaran kong napagtanto na ngumingiti pala ako. Mabilis akong nagseryoso at kinunot ang aking kilay.

“Dalian mo,” he warned.

“I’m not an Android user. Bear with me,” angat ko sa aking kilay at nagscroll up.

He sighed again and brought his attention back to his notes. Mag-aral ka diyan at huwag mo akong pakialaman.

I stumbled upon his school days. Mostly group pictures. It was the men in the frame. Those men he’s with. It seems like he has a big circle in their City. Friendly naman pala ’to.

Nakuryoso ako nang makitang kahit siya ay naka varsity uniform kasama ang mga lalakeng kaibigan niya yata. But why did he stop playing? Is this this year? Last year?

I tried to check the date, which I confirmed was last year. Perhaps… before his grandma died?

Why is he kicked out of his school again? He punched who? And he went here to Manila for that reason, right?

I checked some of his apps and noticed that he has no Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram apps. Just the messenger. Gusto ko mang pindutin, baka magalit na naman kaya hindi ko na ginalaw.

I wonder if he still communicates with his friends? Wala namang tumatawag sa phone niya. O baka… nasa iPad? Baka nandoon ang mga apps?

Kaso tanda ko, puro games ang naroon. Because one time I was watching movies with him, I didn’t notice some social media apps on his homescreen. More on games.

Why are you so nosy, Brent. Kaya nagagalit ’yan sa’yo.

I tried to hold my horses and just went back to his gallery so I could see his paintings. Kaso mali yata na nakuryoso ako. The moment I opened the album, the first thing that came out was Verena painting seriously with her hair ponytailed.

“Tss.” I browsed from the left.

Close pala talaga ang dalawang ’to? Hindi talaga nakikinig sa akin itong si Shiloh. Dapat pala sinabihan kong landiin niya hanggang hindi siya makahinga nang iyon ang hindi niya sinunod.

“Ang tagal ah?” he shouted so impatiently that my shoulder jumped.

Mabilis akong umalis sa gallery at tumayo. Naglakad ako patungo sa kanya at inilapag sa bedside table ang phone niya.

I put the towel on my shoulder and looked at the books.

“Mangingialam kana naman,” he leered at me.

Ngumuso ako. “I know this subject. Marami kang activities?”

“Marami. Kaya huwag kanang dumagdag.”

This little demon…

I sat on the side of his bed and leaned against the headboard. Nagpatuloy siya sa ginagawa nang hindi ako sinisita kaya itinagilid ko ang ulo para silipin ang ginagawa niya.

“I know that,” sabi ko.

When he didn’t react, I slowly positioned myself beside him and started talking about it. Mukhang gumana naman at hindi nag-alburoto.

Until I just found myself doing some of his activities coz he really looked sleepy. He was silent beside me, doing his other activities, while the only background you could hear was his LoFi playlist for studies.

“There you go. I finished it,” saka ko ipinakita sa kanya ngunit nang bumaling, ang nakayuko niyang ulo sa iPad at pikit na mga mata ang nasilip ko.

I stifled my chuckle. Kung kanina niya pa binabaan ang pride niya, edi sana kanina pa ’to tapos.

I sighed and took the iPad slowly as I finished his other activities. Tiningnan ko ang oras at alas tres na. I wanted to sleep so bad, but there’s only one activity. Baka deadline ’to bukas at pag wala siya sa mood, ako na naman ang kawawa.

After finishing it, I pulled myself out of his bed and started stretching and clicking my neck. Ngayon lang yata ako nakapagpuyat nang ganito.

I cleaned his bed and arranged the books before leaving his room. Nailing akong lumipat sa room ko. As much as I wanted to sleep there, knowing his temper, he might kick me early in the morning.

“Puyat na puyat!” tukso ni Connor at naghagalpakan agad silang boys nang humikab ako ng pang-ilang beses.

“Ilang rounds ba, Brent?” Tyler asked.

I showed my middle finger while yawning. Humagalpak sila at hindi matigil habang inaakbayan ako patungo sa gym para sa practice sa basketball lalo na’t taga Cebu yata ang kalaban namin.

I think I need a damn gatorade to energize myself. Baka sarili ko ang maishoot ko sa ring sa sobrang antok ko.

“Jessie is so hot, dude. Kung ako rin naman…uumagahin siguro kami.” Mavric laughed.

Siniko ko siya ngunit sunod na yata ang pagbibigay nila ng malisya. Dinagdagan pa ng mga girls na nanood ng practice at sinasabing puyat si Jessie, lumala lang yata ang haka haka nila.

Tang ina niyo.

Sumenyas ang coach na break time muna. I flapped the edge of my varsity continuously like a fan to at least cool myself down, as I could feel the sweat trickling down my neck to my stomach.

“Pasikat oh!” the boys pointed.

“Nanonood kasi si Jessie!” they said and barked with laughter when they saw me flashing half of my stomach.

Ngumisi na lamang ako at nailing sabay pamaywang. Damn, I’m thirsty.

Tumingin ako sa bench at nakitang may iniinom na drink si Shiloh. I jogged toward the girls, who immediately looked at Jessie as they all grinned.

“Shiloh,” I called and showed my hand.

Shiloh extended his arm absentmindedly, giving his drinkto me. Oh? He’s calm. Yes!

I smiled at him and drank it when the sweet taste occupied my mouth as I coughed and squinted my eyes while wiping my mouth.

“Ano ’to?” I asked, disgusted that it tasted like… What the fuck… too much sugar.

“Mocha.”

“Mocha what?” My expression wrinkled.

“Here, Brent,” si Jessie na natatawang naglahad ng tubig sa akin.

“Sus, Brent! Ang arte! Binigay ko ’yan kay Shiloh huh!” si Angela.

I saw the water Jessie was handing out. I smiled and took it from her.

“Thanks, Jess.”

I handed the drink back to Shiloh. Umismid siya sa akin at pinunasan ang straw na sinipsip ko. Gago? Kailan ba ’to lalambot sa akin?

I kept thinking about it while showering with the boys after our vigorous practice. Naghahagalpakan sila. And since Rick is part of the varsity team and is also close to us, I saw them talking about something here in our locker room.

“Tang ina niyo! Kay Brent dapat ’yan!” si Ronan.

“Hindi kasi inaaccept ni Brent!” si Tyler na nakatuko ang kamay sa nakaupong si Rick.

“Sira ang phone no’n. Hindi pa bumibili,” si Mavric.

“Gago dude… Iaccept mo. Let’s prank him,” si Connor. “May atraso ’yan. Inangasan si Shiloh. Tang ina niya. Humanda siya ngayon.”

I went to them and threw my white towel at their faces. Nagtatawanan pa sila nang makita ako.

“What about Shiloh?” tanong ko at itinukod ang isang paa sa bench na inuupuan ni Rick sabay silip sa pinagkakaguluhan nila.

“Gago kasi itong si Connor. Gumawa ng account tapos si Verena ang ginamit na profile picture at pangalan. Ipaprank ka sana.”

I rolled my eyes. “You think I am that idiot not to know which is which? Fucker.”

“Dude! Kael is an idiot! He added the dummy account!” Rick showed the screen and barked a laugh.

Noong sinabing baliw ’to kay Verena, hindi ko alam na ganito pala ka lala?

“I accept mo na, gago!” Batok ni Connor habang humahagalpak.

Rick accepted it, as they were now laughing about it. Nailing ako ngunit ngumingiti rin.

“Uy nagmessage!” sigaw ni Rick nang tumunog ang messenger.

We all tilted our heads to see his screen as he manipulated and opened it. Sabay sabay naming nakita ang message niya.

Hi idol ;)

We burst into laughter and gave each other high fives. Halos gumulong si Tyler kakatawa, si Ronan na hinahampas pa ang locker room.

“Reply-an niyo! Tang ina!” natatawang tapik ni Mavric kay Rick.

“Anong sasabihin ko? Gago kadiri!”

“Sabihin mo ‘hi love’ para hindi makatulog!” si Connor.

“Ako na nga!” si Tyler na kinuha ang phone at nagtipa. “Hayop ka. Ang angas angas mo sa court pero ang corny mo sa babae. Putang ina ka,” he said while laughing as he typed a reply roughly.

Hi love

“Lagyan mo ng wink emoji!” I suggested while laughing.

Hi love ;)

I clenched my fist and put it against my mouth as we burst into laughter. Halos lumuhod na si Tyler sa sobrang hagalpakan namin.

“Gago! Hulog na hulog ang tarantado!” si Rick.

Kael replied with a puppy whose heart was beating out loudly. Ilang sigundo kaming nabaliw kakatawa hanggang tumunog iyon.

“Gago tumawag! Tumawag!” Halos pagpasa-pasahan namin ang phone.

“Sagutin mo Rick! Sabihin mo paos ang boses mo kaya ka tunog lalake!” Hagalpak ni Tyler.

“Gago ayoko! Masyadong buo ang tinig ko!” si Rick na umiiling.

“Si Shiloh! Teka si Shiloh! Marahan ang boses no’n!”

Napawi ang ngiti ko at hinampas kay Tyler ang tuwalya na nasa balikat ko. Akala siguro nito natutuwa ako.

Chapter 15

Sweets

Humihikab pa ang mga girls habang abala kaming boys na ilagay sa likod ng picked-up ni Mavric ang mga gamit.

We’re going to Boracay since the exam has finally ended, just like the girls had planned, and of course…

“You girls just stay at the van. Kami na ritong mga boys,” sabi ko, tinutukoy ang kotse ni Mavric.

“Dito na ako, Brent!” si Sadie na makulit.

I invited her coz she might really kill me if she’s not included in this trip. Knowing that… she participated too.

Hinagis ko ang panghuling bag, kung kanino man ’yon, na agarang humalo sa iba pang duffel bags ng mga boys.

“Doon ka sa kabila,” I pointed at the van just to separate her from Shiloh coz I knew she would just piss him off. “Siksikan na rito.”

“Edi kakandong ako sa kanya,” she smirked and glanced at Shiloh who was yawning while wearing his black hoodie.

“Dito na tayo, Sadie!” hila ni Reena sa kanya na ipinagpasalamat ko.

“The key, Tyler,” si Mavric na hinagis iyon kay Tyler.

“Tape your fucking eyes, Tyler,” tukso ko lalo na’t antok pa siyang tingnan.

Tyler showed his dirty finger and walked to the driver’s seat. The other boys occupied the back seat while Mavric, Connor, Ronan and I were on the cargo bed as we sat at the sides together with Shiloh.

Naroon kasi sa loob si Rick. Ayoko sanang pasamahin lalo na’t masama pa ang loob ko sa kanya kaso mabait naman kay Shiloh. And Shiloh seems comfortable with the boys now. Kung tutuusin, hindi lang naman si Rick ang nang-insulto sa araw na ’yon. Sadyang siya lang ang natyempuhan.

I turned the bull cap I was wearing backwards and fixed the sunglasses as soon as the sunrise hit. I was wearing a sando shirt that revealed my biceps, which is different from the looks of the others who were in their hoodies.

“Brent!” the girls called as soon as their van leveled.

I glanced at them and saw Angela taking videos of me, probably for her vlogs. I smirked and waved my hand.

“Ladies and gentlemen, one of the assholes of the group,” she introduced proudly.

I lowered my sunglasses and winked. Umirap ang mga girls at nagboo kaya humalakhak ako.

“Pakiligpit nga niyang boyfriend mo, Jess!” the girls shouted.

It’s been quite a while now since they kept pairing us. I don’t really mind since Jess seems comfortable with the teasing. Wala lang din naman sa akin.

I glanced at Shiloh, who was sitting on the floor of the cargo bed with his knees folded as he hugged it while he closed his eyes. His head was falling down, so I parted my legs more so his head could lean to the side at least.

“Ang haba na ng chats niyo! Hindi mo pa rin pala ’yan dinidelete!” Halakhak ni Mavric nang sumilip sa phone ni Tyler.

Kael has been our meme in the group, spreading his corny replies on our GC as we laugh about it and make fun of him. Gagong ’yon. Hanggang ngayon nanggigigil pa rin ako sa pagmumukha niya. Makita ko lang ulit ’yon sa court…

Pagdating sa airport ay tahimik na ang lahat. Shiloh was already wide awake, glancing from left to right as he panicked a bit to find his bag. Siniko ko siya at pinakita sa kanya na nasa akin. He calmed down and yawned again as he looked at the girls who were pulling their things.

The flight was just less than an hour. Kung wala lang agad pasok sa susunod na mga araw, we’d rather travel by land for how many hours to Caticlan airport. But then we needed to go back right away, and taking the airplane is the most convenient for this trip.

Hindi na natulog ang iilan sa amin at tumitingin tingin nalang sa labas ng bintana. Shiloh, who’s beside the window, as I let him sit there, seems to be enjoying the clouds as he’s taking vids of it.

“Ah! I miss the warmth of their bed!” si Tyler na biglang tumalon pahiga sa kama nang sa Shangri-La Resort kami nagpasyang manatili and took a Two Bedroom Villa.

“Gago ka. Galing kang travel tapos hihiga ka agad,” irita kong hila sa hoodie niya at halos paliparin siya paalis doon.

“Ang arte, Brent!”

I rolled my eyes and pointed at Shiloh, who was unpacking his things.

“Maarte ’yan,” I mouthed so Shiloh wouldn’t hear it.

Tyler calmed down. Ronan, who tried to jump to the bed, was blocked by Tyler this time. Magagalit na sana ang hinayupak pero itinuro rin ni Tyler si Shiloh.

“Magagalit,” he whispered.

And Ronan, who immediately calmed down, warned Rick, Mavric, and Connor, who was about to dive into the bed as well. Si Rick na wala pang ginagawa, binatukan pa.

“Sinabi ko bang hihiga ako?!” he shouted and punched Ronan’s shoulder until they were both head-locking each other.

“Doon kayo sa kabilang room kasama ng ibang boys,” banta ko at tinapon sa kanila ang suot kong bullcap.

We were so chaotic for an hour while putting our things away and setting up some rules just for our best in judging, Shiloh the great.

Habang tumatagal, paarte nang paarte ang isang ’yan. Ayaw rin makipagtalo ng mga boys dahil lagi akong binabara. Magsasalita pa ba sila kung papalag din ako kung pumalag sila sa kanya?

Shiloh fanned himself, so I checked the air conditioning and noticed that it wasn’t even working. The boys were fine without it, but I was bothered, so I went out and called one of the staff to report it.

“Bakit kayo lumipat?” tanong ng mga girls nang in-upgrade ang room namin sa Presidential Villa.

“Hindi gumagana ’yung aircon,” rason ni Mavric.

“Oh baka naman nilandi ni Brent ’yung staff kaya in-upgrade ang room!” At ako na naman ang nakita ng mga babae.

“Arte niyo ha! Kailan pa kayo na conscious eh malamig pa rin naman kahit walang aircon!” halakhak ni Sheena.

Tumingin ang mga boys sa akin kaya tumingin din ako kay Shiloh. He looked so clueless as he looked at the girls with knitted brows.

We started our private island hopping since everyone’s excited for our lunch on one of the islands that we’re going to hit, especially us boys, which was our favorite part of starting the day with a boodle fight. Sa extreme ng mga sports namin, talagang mas maganda kung busog.

Tumigil kami sa Triple R para doon mag lunch para sa boodle fight at bumaba sa malaki naming bangka. Sinalubong kami ng staff at iginiya sa kubo na inihanda para sa amin.

The girls stopped at the big heart-shaped located at the entrance just to take some photos. Kami pang mga boys ang ginawang photographer lalo na’t ayaw naming sumali.

Pumasok din naman kami sa sarili naming kubo at sinalubong ng pagkain na nakahanda na sa lamesa kasama ang drinks sa dulo. The slices of fruit were properly aligned. And even the rice was designed as letters of Boracay, with the year at the bottom surrounded by the properly aligned seafood too. Nakalagay ang mga ito sa dahon mahabang dahon ng saging at walang tigil ang mga girls sa pagpipicture.

I tried to snatch some shrimp, but Sadie slapped my hand. Ang ibang boys na nag-aambang kumuha sa pagkain ay pinagsasaway rin ng mga girls.

Humalukipkip ako at nilingon si Shiloh na abala ring kumuha ng picture kaya ikinalma ko nalang ang kamay kahit kumakalam ang sikmura ko.

“Kuya! Pa picture po kami!” Angela handed her phone to the staff as the girls stood at the sides of the table and urged us for a photo.

“Dali na gutom na ako!” reklamo ni Mavric na sumisenyas sa amin.

I stood behind Shiloh since I’m one of the tallest as we posed for the camera at the front. I laughed and put a peace sign above his head, and Shiloh lifted his head as glared at me while I smirked.

“Hep hep! Mamaya na ’yang away niyo! Ayokong marindi!” saway ng mga girls nang irita na naman ang tingin ni Shiloh sa akin.

They’re now used to the petty fights since Shiloh sometimes overreacts. Hindi naman siya madalas na ganoon… depende kung sinong lalakeng nang-aasar. Lalo na’t sa ibang boys, malakas ang hagalpak nito. Pag sa akin… malakas din naman… ’yung lagapak ng kamay niya nga lang sa dibdib ko. But I’m quite used to it.

We started eating using our hands after washing them.

“Ah, Shiloh!” si Connor na sinubuan ito.

I slowly stuff my mouth with food as I arched my brow when Shiloh opened his mouth and let Connor feed him.

“Shiloh!” si Rick na binigyan ito ng drink.

“Thank you!” he smiled enthusiastically.

“Ito, Shiloh,” ang iba pang boys na kulang nalang, paupuin ito at paypayan habang sinusubuan.

As much as I wanted to stop it, I wanted him to have fun. We all want him to have fun.

“Ako na,” Tyler offered as he undressed the shrimp Shiloh picked.

Ang inaamba kong ibigay na shrimp na may balat na, isinubo ko nalang sa bibig ko lalo na’t tiningnan niya lang at hindi kinuha. Fine. I’ll feed myself.

“Grabe… ang sarap talaga pag kinakamay ’yung food tapos galing ka sa dagat,” Sadie commented as she handed a slice of watermelon to Shiloh.

“Baka dahil nahahaluan ng kamay ng iba?” Shiloh said that made everyone stop eating.

I burst into laughter. Kumurap si Shiloh at tumingin sa kanilang lahat na iritang tiningnan ang mga boys.

“Naghugas ba kayo ng kamay?!”

Man… Our table was so chaotic that the other side was glancing at our place. Medyo hindi naman malapit ang kabilang kubo pero dahil marami kami at halos nasa twenty, ang ingay ingay pa, talagang nakaw atensyon.

We hopped onto another island after lunch. Tumatalon kaming mga boys pag humihinto na ang bangka namin. I jumped first as the boys joined me. The girls were just busy taking photos with their life jackets but didn’t want to join us. They’re more invested in keeping themselves dry for a fresh picture.

“Shiloh!” tawag ko nang lumangoy palapit sa malaki naming bangka at ibinigay sa kanya ang kamay ko.

“Ayoko. Mamaya na,” he shook his head.

I arched my brow and ran my finger against my wet hair.

“Come on. I got you,” I smiled.

He looked hesitant while his hair was blown by the breeze. I offered my hand more, urging him to trust me. Nilingon niya ang mga girls, si Sadie na nag thumbs up sa kanya at mukhang gusto rin siyang pasalihin sa amin.

“Join, Shiloh!” the boys screamed.

I licked my lower lip. Kung may lalangoy palapit dito at ibibigay rin ang kamay sa kanya sisikuhin ko na yata.

He stepped forward, which made me excited until he put his hand on my hand. I smirked more and pulled him closer until he dropped himself into the water and screamed a bit.

Humalakhak ako nang humawak agad siya sa magkabila kong balikat.

“Make sure your life jacket won’t—”

“Marunong akong lumangoy,” giit niya at medyo itinulak ako. “Si Rick lang naman ang namimilit na isuot ko ’to.”

“And why didn’t you decline?” I arched my brow as my hand drifted to the side of his waist to hold him still.

“Wala lang. Baka sapakin niya ako,” bahagya siyang natawa sa sinabi niya.

“Magsasapakan kaming dalawa kung gagawin niya ’yan,” I arched my brow while smiling.

Umismid siya sa akin at mas lalo akong itinulak. I pulled him close to me and coaxed him to join me so we could swim deeper.

He likes being in the water, but every time I pull him to the other side, he’ll scream that the boys will immediately swim to us, worried about what happened to him because of his high-pitched voice.

Doon lang naligo ang mga girls noong bumaba na kami ulit sa isang isla at nagkayayaang mag banana boat. I sat behind Shiloh so if he fell, I could immediately catch him. Pero nakabantay rin si Connor na nasa harap niya at siya rin ang inaalala na kahit ang ibang boys ay binabalaan siyang humawak nang mahigpit.

The girls were screaming as soon as it started. Shiloh’s laugh mingled with it while he shut his eyes.

“Mahilig ka ba sa extreme sports, Shiloh?” akbay ni Tyler sa kanya nang magdesisyon kami na subukan ang iba pa.

I looked at his arm while getting ready for our next activity. The sunset is almost peeking, and we have two more hours left before we go back to our presidential villa.

“Sige! Ayos lang!” he said enthusiastically while his eyes were smiling as well.

We’d just laugh every time he screamed in each activity we tried. Mabibingi na yata ako sa lakas makasigaw at ang tulis pa ng tinig. But he’s having fun, so I don’t wanna ruin his mood.

Naunang bumalik ang mga girls sa Villa. Nahuli kaming boys dahil sa iba pang activities na sinubukan namin. Noong magkayayaan nang bumalik, makahulugan na ang tingin ng ibang mga boys sa akin.

“Gago ang sakit ng tiyan ko,” si Tyler na kumaripas ng takbo pabalik.

They were running back as I only walked beside him, who was curious with their panics.

“You have fun?” I tilted my head to get his attention.

Lumingon siya sa akin at tumango. “Oo.”

“So.. which do you prefer? The boys… or the girls?”

“Kalmado ang mga girls kaya doon ako,” he said and laughed a bit.

I laughed as well and ran my finger through my hair.

“You know, it’s more exciting when it feels dangerous. That’s where the thrill part is…” I shot my brows up.

Umiismid siya ngunit tumatakas ang ngiti sa labi.

“Ano ’yon, parang kahit para kanang mamamatay ayos lang kasi masarap?”

I burst out laughing. Medyo namula siya ngunit natawa rin.

“Gano’n ’yung sabi mo!”

Umiling ako. “Your interpretation is quite sensual… but I like that version too.” I laughed.

Umirap siya pero nanatili pa rin ang ngiti sa labi. “Gusto mo naman lagi pag tunog bastos.”

“At kailan kita binastos huh?”

Nag-isip isip siya. Napawi ang ngiti ko. Gago. Napaisip din tuloy ako. I hope it wasn’t the boner. Damn… I didn’t even want that to happen.

“If I’m a pervert, you wouldn’t hang out with me, and with the boys,” I pointed out cockily.

“Ang yabang mo. Eh tarantado din naman kayong lahat. Maiingay,” he laughed.

“Coz we love having fun? Besides, the boys like it when you’re joining us,” I pointed out.

Tumango siya. “Oo… Uh… mabait sila Connor.”

Connor. Does he like him more than he likes being with me? Bakit may pa special mention? Sa dami namin…

“Connor.” Tumango tango ako at hindi na makangiti. “He’s taken.”

“Huh? Ano ngayon?”

Ngumuso ako. Right. Ano nga naman?

As soon as we reached the entrance of the Presidential Villa, I gestured to him to just go first to where the girls are. Nagtungo ako kung nasaan ang boys sa loob ng villa at sumenyas agad sa akin.

“Nakahalata ba?” Tyler asked as he handed the cake to me.

Mavric lit the candle while the other boys were looking out, making sure that Shiloh was now in the garden, where we’d do our surprise for him.

“Bakit kayo tumakbo? Mga gago,” halakhak ko nang maalala ang ginawa nila kanina.

“Eh tumakbo si Tyler. Akala ko signal ’yon kaya tumakbo din ako,” si Ronan.

We tried to control our laughter while the candle kept on losing its fire because we’d accidentally blown it out in our chaotic scene. Noong mahimasmasan, nagpasya ding lumabas na.

As we went to the garden, which was now designed for his special birthday celebration, he froze in the center with wide eyes when the girls at the front held the banner they had prepared for him.

“Happy birthday, Shiloh!” they greeted in chorus.

I laughed when I saw his epic reaction. He glanced at the back when the boys cheered for him and started greeting him too.

“Happy birthday!”

His eyes widened even more when he saw that I was holding the cake with a smirk on my lips. Hah. You think I’ll let this month end without celebrating your birthday, huh?

Naglakad ako patungo sa kanya ganoon din ang boys na nakapalibot sa akin at malawak ang ngiti sa kanya. As soon as I stopped in front of him, the boys pulled their confetti over him.

Kitang kita ko ang kumislap na mga luha sa mga mata niya. The sunset showed that it made the place even more perfect as the candlelight mirrored the spark in his eyes.

He roamed his eyes around while we flocked all over him as the girls started clapping and singing to greet him.

He bowed his head while his shoulder rocked as he cried. Tumawa ako at hinila siya palapit nang nanginig agad siya sa pag-iyak.

“Umiyak!” tukso ng mga boys at humalakhak din.

I hugged him using my other hand as his head bumped against my chest while he was covering his face with his hands. Talagang nanginginig siya habang humihikbi habang sinusubukan kong dungawin ang mukha niya.

His cheeks were bright red, and if he’d show his face right now, I know his nose was red too. Nakita ko ang labi niyang nanginginig din. Natatawa ako habang nakikinig pero kung dahil nasasaktan siya kaya umiiyak, baka madurog ako.

“Happy birthday,” I greeted while my chuckle mingled with it. “Huwag kang umiyak. You’d look like that goldfish in Ghibli with your puffy eyes…” bulong ko.

Tumawa siya at iritang inangat ang mukha sa akin habang pinapalis ang luha. I calmed down when I heard his soft chuckle. There… I think he was so happy that he couldn’t help but cry.

Pinagkaguluhan agad siya ng mga babae at niyakap ito habang binabati. The boys started shouting as well.

“Shiloh, lahat ng mananakit sa’yo, dadaan sa kamao ko,” Connor showed his muscle.

“Basta Shiloh, ituro mo lang…” it was Tyler this time.

Shiloh jokingly pointed at me. The boys immediately reacted.

“Gago ka, Brent! Hawakan niyo at bubugbugin ko!” Rick jokingly shouted that even the boys were now trying to hold my biceps.

“Anong ako? Eh ’yan nga ang laging nananakit sa akin!” sabi ko.

“Huwag kanang magdahilan, Brent. Wala kaming naririnig,” biro nila.

Tumawa si Shiloh habang inaambahan akong suntukin ng mga boys. Gagong mga ’to. Akala siguro nila hindi nakaukit sa isip ko ’yung pang-iinsulto ah? Tapos ngayon…kung makabakod akala mo hindi siya pinagdudahan.

“Blow the candle, Shiloh!” Sadie urged. “Ako bumili niyan! Hindi si Brent!” she bragged.

I rolled my eyes. I spent a hundred thousand anyway… Nag-ambag ambag din naman ang iba at sila ang sumagot sa iilan dito. Knowing that I upgraded our room and it’s quite pricey. But since this is my main idea, which is to throw himself a birthday party celebration here in Boracay, I am obliged to pay for the other expenses, of course.

Shiloh looked at the cake and wiped his tears again as he closed his eyes a bit and opened them to blow out the candle.

“Happy birthday!” Connor said, taking an icing with his finger as he wiped it on his cheek.

Nilingon ko si Connor at gustong sawayin ngunit ginaya ng ibang boys na ikinatawa ni Shiloh habang ang girls ay abalang magvideo at magpicture sa kanya.

One of the girls took the cake from my hand so the boys would stop playing with it. Huling nagpahid si Rick ng icing habang lumalapit din ako.

He was bracing for more icing to be wiped on his face, but it didn’t come. Instead, I crouched and licked the icing on his cheek as my tongue grazed lightly, taking a small amount of it until I tasted how sweet it was. I stood right away as I wiped my lower lip with my thumb, smirking at him.

“Kadiri ’tong hayop na ’to!” the boys shouted at me while we were still crowding him.

I laughed and ran my finger through my hair while Shiloh looked stunned by what I did. It seems like sweets don’t taste bad at all when they’re on his skin, huh…

Chapter 16

Bracelet

We had a mini-party on the deck, where we placed our food and liquor. We were all vibing to Akon’s song named Hypnotized, which came from my own playlist.

Humagalpak ang mga girls at kinunan kami ng video nang magsayawan kaming boys. I laughed and made some body rolls as I raised my cup when the chorus boomed.

“Ganyan ka siguro gumalaw sa kama, Brent!” one of the girls pointed out.

“I’m quite rough,” I smirked and took a glance at Shiloh who’s still distracted while the girls made an overdramatic reaction about what I said.

Nakapaghilamos na siya. The girls even helped him earlier when they put a scrunchie on top of his head just to tie his hair, which was now splitting as if there were a small plant that suddenly bloomed on his head.

Nakabalandra ang noo at may kiss mark sa pisngi. Kung kaninong labi man ’yan, for sure it’s the girls. Baka nga kay Sadie…

“Seriously, Brent. Jessie is so hot,” bulong ni Mavric na nakaakbay sa akin nang tingnan ang mga girls na naka bikini at nagpaplanong lumabas mamaya para manood ng fire dance.

“Umamin kana kasi, Brent. Come on. You can snitch, you know,” si Ronan na hinampas ang dibdib ko, may hawak na shot glass at tumitingin din sa girls.

“Wala nga. You would know when I’m interested.” Ngisi ko.

“Paano namin malalaman kung dikit nang dikit ka ngayon kay Shiloh. Nagiging baby-sitter kana,” ani Mavric.

“Then? Who’s your chic at the moment?” si Ronan na kumunot ang noo.

I looked at the girls again. My eyes drifted to Shiloh who’s now pulling the scrunchie out of his hair. Why did he take it off? I hope he took a photo…

May sinabi ang mga girls sa kanya kaya natawa siya. Ngumuso ako at bahagya ring natawa nang tingnan pabalik ang mga boys.

“Dapat bang meron?” I said while chuckling.

Ngumiwi sila sa akin. The girls went to us and decided to play a game. Connor showed the bottle for a truth or dare, as fucking usual, and I would always hit the truth coz it’s the easiest thing to do rather than the dares.

“Shiloh ikaw ang magpaikot total birthday mo.” Angela gave the empty bottle to him.

He was wearing his smile as he started spinning the bottle located at the center of the table. Sinundan namin iyon ng tingin hanggang huminto kay Sadie.

The boys made a noise while the girls started asking the question.

“Dare!” Sadie shouted.

“Kiss your crush!” the girls screamed.

Now I am starting to hate this game. Tumayo si Sadie at ganadong nagtungo kay Shiloh. I folded my arms and watched how Shiloh kept his smile as Sadie leaned closer and kissed him on the cheek. Shiloh laughed as he squinted his eyes. Funny, huh?

I pressed my tongue against my cheek as they spun the bottle again. Noong tumigil iyon kay Jessie, niyugyog agad ako ng mga boys. Pinagtutulak ko sila habang nakangising umiling.

“Dare,” si Jessie na nakangiting sinagot ang tanong nila.

“French kiss the boy you like!” they challenged.

Now I’m bothered.

The boys shook me more. Si Ronan sa balikat ko, si Mavric sa braso ko, at halos para na akong bamboo stick na umaalon sa pangyuyugyog nila.

“Uh…” Jessie looked hesitant when she looked at me.

The girls were now screaming loudly. Minamasahe na rin ni Connor ang likod ko na akala mo isasabak ako sa boxing ring. Pinag-iilingan ko sila kahit natatawa kaming lahat.

When my eyes caught Shiloh’s, I knew that I should decline it. Right…

“I’d take the shot for her,” sabi ko at nagsalin na ng shot.

“Hoy Brent! Ang KJ mo!” si Angela na tumawa.

I only shrugged and gulped the shot down as my eyes looked at Shiloh, who was now looking away and pressing his lips against each other.

Buti pa ako tumatanggi. Pero ito…

The game continued. The boys were too active in participating, including the girls, who would always take the dare. When it was Shiloh’s turn, and he chose the truth, the boys immediately fired a question.

“Kung babae ka Shiloh, sinong ididate mo sa aming boys?” si Mavric na nakangisi.

Gusto kong sikuhin ang mukha niya lalo na’t nakaakbay siya sa akin at nakalebel kami. The boys were eager to know, aside from me, who’s a bit pissed at why he’s asking things like that.

But the girls seem curious too, and even Shiloh looked like he wasn’t offended at all.

“S’yempre hindi si Brent, hindi ba, Shiloh?” halakhak ni Angela.

Angela and her annoying mouth…

Umiling din si Shiloh at tumawa. “Ah… wala?”

“Huh? Bakit? Kunwari lang naman!” si Tyler.

I was relieved by his answer but worried at the same time. Gusto ko nang itigil sila sa pagtatanong pero halatang nag-iisip si Shiloh hanggang tumingin kay Connor. Bumaling din ako sa kanya na nasa gilid ko lang, malawak ang ngisi kay Shiloh.

“Siguro si Connor?” si Shiloh na ikinatili ng girls.

“Good choice, Shiloh! Sa kanilang lahat, ’yan ang hindi tarantado!” the girls.

Connor laughed while the boys slapped his body. I only smiled, as I couldn’t join the teasing. Binasa ko ang labi hanggang napawi rin ang ngiti ko at idinaan sa pagyuko ng ulo saglit.

Angela spun the bottle again. I was now looking at it seriously while they continued playing. Noong sa akin tumigil, malawak agad ang ngisi ng mga boys.

“Truth ’yan. Wag niyo nang tanungin,” halakhak ng mga boys.

Of course.

“Truth,” I still said my answer and smirked a little, even though I knew it wasn’t playful anymore.

“Magkakaalaman na!” the boys gave each other some high fives.

I folded my arms and tried to smirk at them just to fit in with the fun coz I don’t want to be a boomer.

“So Brent… umamin ka. May relasyon ba kayo ni Jessie?” si Angela ang nagtanong.

“At ilang rounds, dude,” biro ng mga boys sabay hagalpak sa gilid ko.

Jessie laughed along with the teasing. Everyone was anticipating my answer and saw Shiloh’s eyes looking at me curiously.

Tsss.

“I went home,” I shrugged and looked at Shiloh na nag-iwas ng tingin sa akin.

“Ay? Totoo?” Tumawa ang girls.

“Stop shipping us. We’re just friends,” deritso kong sabi lalo na’t naririndi na rin ako sa paulit ulit nilang panunulak sa akin.

“Dude. For the first time, you’re lying!” Tapik ni Connor sa balikat ko.

Ginalaw ko ang balikat ko para alisin iyon. He was shocked. Napansin iyon ni Mavric.

“Tell them, Jess,” I coaxed in a serious voice, smirking a little just to sound friendly when I’m really pissed.

“Ah… oo. Umuwi agad si Brent no’n,” she nodded at me.

“Asus! Ewan ko sa inyong dalawa! Niloloko niyo pa talaga kami!” si Kelsie at tumawa.

I pressed my tongue against my cheek and looked away. Man. I’m really pissed.

“Huwag na nga tayong maglaro! Nagsisimula na yata ’yung fire dance. Ang hot pa naman ng mga dancers nila,” si Mavric na nagyayaya na.

The girls were so distracted that they nodded right away. Nagkakayayaan nang lumabas. Nagtungo ako sa kuwarto ganoon din ang boys para magpalit ng maisusuot.

“Tara, Brent,” tapik ni Mavric sa balikat ko.

“Mauna na kayo. Susunod ako,” I said while busy with my things when I don’t really what I’m trying to search.

I didn’t glance at him as I could hear their topic about the live fire dance, which we also watched last year since we always hit Boracay once or twice a year.

“Brent! Tara!” si Rick nang mapansing naiwan ako sa loob.

“Hayaan niyo na. Susunod daw,” I heard Mavric explaining.

“Wala ba ’yon sa mood? Parang galit ’yon kanina.” Halakhak ni Tyler habang lumiliit na ang tinig nila at lumalabas na sa kuwarto.

When the Villa became silent, I got out of the room and decided to swim in the private pool of our own Villa. I took a dive as I tried to wipe away my frustration.

Hinampas ko ang tubig na ikinatalsik nito saka ako mariing pumikit. Muli akong lumangoy, at noong umahon na, nakita ko agad si Shiloh na nakaupo sa gilid habang iniluloblob niya ang mga paa sa tubig.

My anger was slowly dissolving when I realized he came back. And why is he here?

Did he come here to… explain? Coz fuck it, he better explain and give me the right answer! Akala niya siguro nakakatuwa ang sagot niya? Connor my ass.

“And why are you here? Got bored with your crush?” I smirked flatly.

“Huh? Sino?” he asked with furrowed brows.

Inangat ko ang mga kilay ko.

“So if you were a girl, you’d date Connor. Kahit may girlfriend?” halakhak ko kahit hindi ako natutuwa sa pinagsasabi ko.

“Kunwari lang naman,” he said in a calm voice.

“But you’re picking Connor when I told you he was taken,” giit ko.

“Kunwari nga lang kasi,” he insisted.

I scoffed. “Sa dami namin…”

“O edi si Tyler?”

“Tyler is an ass. He’s single but still a fuckboy.”

Nanliit ang mga mata niya sa akin.

“Choose again,” I demanded.

“Edi si… si…”

I arched my brow more, waiting for it patiently. Halos hindi ako huminga kakahintay kahit alam kong madidismaya lang ako.

“Si Mavric?”

Umiling ako habang natawa siya. Kung hindi lang nito birthday… Pasalamat talaga siya!

“Mavric is just an ass like Tyler. Fuckboy too,” I hissed and splashed water on him.

“O edi si Rick!” he laughed.

Nawawala ang mga mata niya. The color of the water reflected at him that made him glow. I’m really pissed why he’s built like an angel. Sana man lang hindi ganyan nang magkaroon ako ng lakas suntukin!

“You know what? Why don’t you take off your shirt and join me?” irita kong sabi nang walang kwenta naman ang mga sagot niya.

“Tarantado naman kayong lahat ah? Pare-parehas lang naman. Kaya nga si Connor kasi loyal siya sa girlfriend niya at hindi tarantado. Pero hindi ko naman ididate kung babae ako.”

“Shut up.” I splashed another water on him.

He shouted a bit as his eyes squinted without losing the smile on his lips.

“Sino ba dapat ang pipiliin ko?” he asked while laughing.

My lips twitched.

“Eh ayoko sa’yo,” he added.

“Why?” Nagkasalubong ang kilay ko.

“Wala lang… Ayoko lang.”

I gritted my teeth. I’m really pissed. If he’s just saying that to piss me off, then he wins. Again.

“Then go to your Connor and enjoy the night with him. Get lost.” I rolled my eyes and swam back.

Get. Lost.

Hold up. That sounded so harsh.

Mabilis akong umahon at nilingon siya. The humor in his face was now gone. Tumikhim ako at pinindot ang aking tainga. Now I’m dead.

Lumangoy ako patungo sa kanya sa kalmadong paraan. I saw him slowly pulling his feet out of the water. I grabbed his foot, rose my head up, and pulled him.

Nahulog siya sa tubig at lumubog. I immediately pulled him up until he coughed while I tried to steady him as I held him at the side of his waist.

“Alis nga! Babalik na ako sa kanila!” he looked pissed while pushing my chest.

“I said join me,” sabi ko.

He shook his head and pushed me more.

“Get lost, ’di ba? Edi get lost!” he said aggressively as I wrapped my arm around his waist so he wouldn’t get away from me.

“At talagang pupuntahan mo?” I arched my brow.

Nanliit ang mga mata niya sa akin. I twisted my tongue. Nilaklak ko nalang sana ’yung whiskey kanina nang hindi ito nangyayari sa akin.

“It’s your birthday. At least let’s stop the fight and be nice to me,” ngisi ko sa matabang na paraan.

“Ikaw lang naman ang nagsisimula ng ikakagalit mo rin, Brent. Ikaw ang gumagawa ng sarili mong problema,” aniya.

“Really? When it was so easy to say my name but you didn’t?” I arched my brow.

“Eh bakit? Mas gusto kong sabihin ang pangalan ni Connor.”

I rolled my eyes. “And why not mine?”

“Kasi nga ’yun ang gusto ko! Pati ba ’yon pakikialaman mo?”

I laughed and raised my hands so he could get away from me. Nang mapansin niyang hindi ko na siya hawak, dahan dahan siyang lumangoy palayo.

I saw him marching to the villa. I shut my eyes and slammed my hand against the water until it splashed in front of me. Tang ina. Lagi nalang!

I wanted to stay at the pool so bad, but then, I pulled myself out and walked to the Villa while frowning. Nakita ko ang bakas ng lakad niya na basa pa patungo sa kuwarto. I followed it and went to the room too.

Napatingin siya sa akin nang pumasok ako. Nagtungo ako sa gamit ko at binuksan iyon. Nakita ko ang box na regalo ko sa kanya. I took it out and walked to him.

Inilagay ko iyon sa kama niya at tahimik na naglakad pabalik sa gamit ko. Natigilan siya at tumingin sa box, saka niya ako nilingon.

“Birthday gift,” I said flatly.

He took it and opened the box. Kuryoso sa reaksyon niya, tumingin ako saglit. He took the strawberry quartz bracelet out of the box and glanced at me.

“I haven’t… try… gifting someone but I know… you like strawberries,” sabi ko nang hindi siya tinitingnan.

I bought it because I remembered him. It’s just a simple bracelet, but it’s pretty, just like him.

Dinala ko ang nakuhang pamalit at pumasok sa banyo. Nagbihis ako at lumabas din naman. Pagkabukas ng pinto, his image flashed in front of me while he held his dry clothes. My eyes went to his pulse and saw that… he immediately wore my gift.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at umalis doon saka dumaan sa gilid niya. He went to the comfort room while I dozed for a second. He wore it.

Does Connor have a gift for him? Pag nalaman kong ginamit niya rin agad… uuwi nalang yata ako kahit mamayang hatinggabi pabalik sa Maynila. Kahit maglakad ako sa madilim na daan bahala na.

I went out to hang my wet shorts. He went out and did the same thing to his clothes too. Tumingin siya sa akin. Tumingin din ako sa kanya at inangatan siya ng kilay. He cleared his throat and pulled his eyes back. I rolled my eyes and walked back to the room.

Padabog kong kinuha ang unan at magmartsa palabas nang makasalubong ko siya sa may pinto. Nahulog ang tingin niya sa dalang unan ko.

“Saan ka?” he asked curiously.

“The other room,” I said flatly and walked past him.

“Sa tabi ni Jessie?” I heard his accusation.

Jessie, my ass.

Deritso na ang punta ko sa kabilang kuwarto at padabog iyong isinara. I toss myself on the bed and put my hands at the back of my head while staring at the ceiling annoyingly.

Mag-isa siya doon.

But imagine it, Brent, if you sleep here, that little demon would just think you slept with Jessie. Bumaliktad ako at pinikit ang mga mata.

When I wake up tomorrow and the girls find out I didn’t sleep in the boys room, they will tease us more.

At si Shiloh, makakahanap na naman ng ikakabara sa akin. Birthday na birthday mo pero sama ng loob ang ibinibigay mo sa akin?

Irita akong bumangon at muling dinala ang aking unan pabalik sa kabilang kuwarto. Noong pumasok ako, lumingon agad siya habang nakasandal na sa headboard ng kama. I caught him taking pictures of the bracelet I gave him.

Agad niyang ibinaba ang kamay at nagkunwaring abala sa phone. I walked toward the other bed and tossed myself there as I hugged my pillow.

“Sinong katabi ko rito?” he asked.

“Your crush,” I murmured flatly.

“Si Connor?”

Kaka Connor niya, wala pang ginagawa ang isang ’yon, naiirita na agad ako.

Muli akong tumayo at kinuha ang aking unan. He watched me as I walked to his bed with my angry face and tossed myself as I laid on my stomach beside him and hugged the pillow again.

Umusog ako ng kaonti, halos kaonting galaw nalang ay mahuhulog na yata ako sa gilid kakausog hindi lang madikit sa kanya.

“Doon ka sa kabilang kama kung ayaw mo rito,” he hissed.

“Why, so you would be with your crush here? He could be at the center. I don’t care.” I rolled my eyes.

“O edi doon ka sa kabilang room! O kaya doon ka nalang matulog sa pool!”

Mas lalo lang yata akong magagalit kung pinagpatuloy ko ’to. Hinila ko ang t-shirt sa likuran at hinubad iyon saka ko inilagay sa bedside table.

I stood harshly and went to where the switches are and slammed the light shut. Bumalik ako sa gilid niya at muling pakulob na humiga, paharap sa gilid at niyakap ang unan.

When he wasn’t saying anything anymore, I cleared my throat and shifted my head as I faced his side with my closed eyes.

Dahan dahan akong dumilat at nakita ang likod niya na nakahiga na rin. Sa ilaw na nasa harap, mukhang nagcecellphone siya. Ang tigas talaga nito. Kaysa humingi ng tawad…

Inangat ko ang ulo ko para silipin ang ginagawa niya. He’s watching the pictures taken earlier. I saw how he set our group picture as his homescreen photo and even set another group photo as his lockscreen.

Umusog ako ng kaonti at patagilid na humiga habang nakaharap sa kanyang likod. Itinuko ko ang siko para ibalanse sa ulo ko at nakisali sa pags-swipe niya.

Irita siyang tumihaya hanggang sa sumabog ang buhok niya sa tabi ko. His head was just over my elbow, and he perfectly fit beside me as his face leveled on my chest.

“Wala talaga akong privacy sa’yo.” He rolled his eyes and used his phone again, this time it was now covering his face as he manipulated it.

I realized our position. If I flipped my body, I’d end up hovering over him.

“You like it?” tanong ko nang tingnan ang pulso ng kamay niya.

“Ayos lang,” he mumbled.

Hinawakan ko ang pulso niya para haplusin ang bracelet. The gold chain of the bracelet suited his pale skin as the pink and purple gem stones looked good on him. I played with it for a while until I remembered I was actually pissed at him. Binawi ko agad ang kamay ko.

Chapter 17

Wrong

“Wala tayong picture.” Bigla niyang inalis ang phone sa harap ng mukha niya at tiningala akong muli.

“Paano magkakapicture kung wala akong phone?”

He manipulated his phone and clicked the camera.

“Dito nalang,” he offered.

Tumikhim ako at medyo hinawakan ang aking buhok para ayusin iyon habang kumakalma. And what’s the purpose of the photo? Pampalubag-loob ba ’to sa sama ng loob na binigay niya kanina? Is he planning to give me more headaches?

Well, fine… At least we have a photo together.

He was busy manipulating his phone, so I rested my hand on his flat stomach. I felt it churn. Ngumuso ako lalo na’t ramdam kong natitigilan siya.

I closed my eyes, bracing for his hand to take it away, but he didn’t. And fuck it, I’m becoming more greedy because he… didn’t… take it.

Namumungay ang mga mata ko nang dumilat, ayaw nang gumalaw. I could smell him just like how I familiarized eveything about him. And even though he’s near me, just a little crouched, and I could smell his shampoo coaxing me to pull him more.

But then, I don’t want to mess it up. I was dizzy from the alcohol I’d shot, but not dizzy enough to not notice my actions.

“Akala ko ba matutulog kana?” rinig ko ang munti niyang tanong.

“I’m waiting for the photo…” I whispered huskily.

“Matulog kana. Bukas nalang,” namamaos niyang sabi.

“Why not now?”

“Lasing ka tingnan?”

I laughed. Tumingala siya, magkasalubong ang kilay.

“Lasing ka yata eh,” he tried to confirm it.

“Mm… maybe?” I said playfully.

Umismid siya. I licked my lower lip as my eyes drifted to his soft lips. Man… this is terrible. Makakatay niya yata ako ngayong gabi kung yuyuko ako.

“Lasing na lasing ka tingnan,” he said.

Coz you’re making me so drunk, Shiloh…

“Why? You’d kiss me?” I joked and laughed.

“Ba’t naman kita hahalikan?” He sounded so pissed.

“Coz I’m drunk? And your lips are red?” Ngisi ko at nanatili ang tingin sa labi niya.

“Lasing ka nga.” Iling niya.

“Then… you’d do it?” I smiled more.

“Gago. Bakit naman?” He tried to push me halfheartedly.

“Coz I deserve it?” I whispered playfully.

His brows knitted to the core.

“Ganito ka siguro sa mga babae.”

Pumikit ako at humagalpak.

“Doon ka manghingi ng halik,” he hissed. “Kay Jessie.”

“Seriously. Why is she always included between us?” I mumbled.

“Kasi halata naman na gusto mo siya. Nakikita ko ang tinginan niyo. At… ngumingisi ka lagi pag inaasar sa kanya. Parang na-eexcite ka na tikman siya.”

I shut my eyes and barked a laugh. My face was pressed against his hair as my hand resting on his stomach grazed down to the side of his waist, pulling him a bit.

“Should I frown next time?” I said cockily.

Umirap siya.

“How about my stares at you? You haven’t noticed it? Hmm?” Nangingiti kong patuloy.

“Ewan ko sa’yo. Lumayo ka nga!” He pushed my chest, and his finger brushed on my nipple.

I groaned a bit as I squinted my eyes. Nasa labi ko pa rin ang ngisi kaya noong bumaba ang tingin sa kanya at pulang pula siya, pakiramdam ko, nahuli ko siya.

My eyes drifted to his cheek. Naroon pa rin ang kaonting pulang labi ni Sadie. I used my thumb and caressed it so I could erase it. But then, it seemed like I needed something wet before I could properly take it.

I took my thumb into my mouth, licked it a bit, and wiped my thumb again on his cheek. This time, the red mark was disappearing.

Tumikhim siya at muli akong itinulak. Ngumuso ako nang mapagtantong lalo lang yata siyang namula. Now I can’t erase that…

Ibinalik niya ang atensyon sa phone at minanipula iyon. He raised his phone a bit and smiled while tilting his head. Itinagilid ko ang ulo para makita sa camera ngunit inilayo niya agad ang phone niya, tumingala sa akin.

“Magdamit ka,” he insisted.

“What?”

“Kasi isesend ko sa Mommy mo.”

“Why would you send it?”

“Para maniwala siya na magkasundo tayo at taasan niya ang allowance mo. Nang matigil tigil ka kakagulo sa akin.”

What?

“Magbihis kana!” he demanded.

“What’s wrong if I’m shirtless? I’d call her sometimes while I’m shirtless. Hindi ’yon maarte.”

“Pangit tingnan,” he glared at me.

“Guwapo tingnan sa akin.”

He rolled his eyes and turned his phone off. Shiloh and his spoiled ass. I glanced at the side of the bedside table and took my shirt. Bumangon ako para makapagbihis lang. Ang daming arte!

Shiloh pulled himself up too. Inayos niyang muli ang buhok sa camera habang sumasandal na ako sa headboard ng kama at nakita ang sarili sa camera na tinitingnan siya.

“Ilalakad kita kay Verena. Gusto mo?” he suddenly opened up. “Close kami.” He looked at me at the camera.

“I don’t need your help.” I rolled my eyes.

“Tinutulungan kana nga. Ilang taon mo na ba ’yang gusto? Hindi ka nga pinapansin. Magkikita kami bukas kasi may ibibigay siyang gift pagdating natin sa Maynila. Isasama kita.”

“It’s useless. I don’t have my phone and—”

“Kaya nga isesend ko kay Tita itong picture para makita niyang kasundo tayo. Bibigyan ka no’n agad,” aniya.

“He already gave me the money. I spent it,” sabi ko habang tinitingnan ang reaksyon niya.

“Huh? Ah edi… hiramin mo muna ang iPad ko at doon kayo mag-usap ni Verena,” he insisted.

Now I’m pissed again.

“Para saan?” tanong ko kahit iritado na.

“Kasi gusto mo siya ’di ba? Papayag ’yon pag sinabi kong magdate kayo. Gusto mo ’yan.”

Naging seryoso na ang ekspresyon ko. Humalukipkip ako at gusto nalang ibahin ang topic dahil parang hindi maganda ang kinalalabasan ng pag-uusap na ’to.

“Then what if I told you I don’t like her anymore?”

Tumawa siya at nilingon ako. “Patay na patay ka diyan. Imposible.”

“Feelings changed,” I mumbled.

“Edi magdate pa rin kayo.”

Nagtagal ang paninitig ko sa kanya. Kita ko ang desperasyon niyang itulak ako. Did I… cross the line?

“I don’t want to—”

“Bakit? Bakit ayaw mo?” He sounded confrontational now.

“Si Verena ’yon. Patay na patay ka doon. Ilang beses kang nagalit sa akin ah? Ngayon na gusto kitang tulungan… o baka may iba kanang nagugustuhang babae? Sino? Si Jessie? Eh bakit nireject mo? Playboy ka ah? Bakit wala kanang babae? Hindi ka lumalandi. Hindi ba’t gawain mo ’yan?”

“Is it wrong to stop?” Nagkasalubong ang kilay ko.

“Bakit?”

Lumunok ako. I saw his shoulder move a bit as he breathed. Inilagay ko ang mga kamay ko sa likod ng aking ulo at ginawa iyong unan sabay iwas ng tingin.

“Magpicture tayo nang ma-send ko na sa Mommy mo nang tigilan mo na ang kakagulo sa akin—”

“Hindi na kailangan—”

“Bakit nga?!” he demanded aggressively.

Namilog ang mga mata ko. It’s a shout. He… shouted.

“Ayaw mo kay Jessie. Ayaw mo na kay Verena. Wala kang babae. Tapos ngayon… tutulungan kita, ayaw mo. Papahiramin kita ng iPad para magamit mo, ayaw mo rin. Bakit?” he hissed.

I sighed. “It’s your birthday. Let’s talk after this—”

“Bakit mo inubos ang pera mo rito? Bakit mo inuna ito kaysa sa cellphone mo? Bakit ka ganyan? Bakit… ayaw mong… si Connor ang piliin ko?”

There. He finally snapped.

I gritted my teeth and stood. Naglakad ako palabas ng kuwarto habang naririnig ang yabag ng paa niyang sumusunod. Not now. Damn it!

“Prangka ka, hindi ba?! Ngayon, sabihin mo sa akin bakit ka ganito! Dahil kung hindi mo alam ang pinaggagawa mo, ako ang magsasabi sa’yo!”

I walked out of the Villa. Nasa hardin na ako, gustong umakyat sa deck, ngunit humahabol siya sa akin. He grabbed my arm, so I stopped and faced him.

“Hindi ba ako pwedeng magbago?” I looked at him sharply.

“Bakit ka nagbabago?” he asked, equaling my sharp stares.

I gritted my teeth while looking at him. It was like haywired words I couldn’t seem to put into a sentence.

“Dahil sa akin?”

Namilog ang aking mga mata. I swallowed hard, but my chest was banging so loudly that I felt like I couldn’t hear the reasons in my mind. Ramdam ko ang init sa batok ko at ang paninigas ko sa simpleng sinabi niya.

“Dahil kung dahil ’yan sa akin, anong ibig sabihin niyan kung ganoon?!”

I gritted my teeth and put my hands at the side of my waist as I looked away.

“Shiloh… I…” I tried to composed my words.

I saw the disappointment in his face, the way he stepped backwards, that if I continue my words, he’d runaway very far until I couldn’t reach him.

Fuck.

“What do you want, then?” I asked directly.

“I won’t bother you anymore? Fine. I won’t go to your room? Fine. I won’t talk to you? Fine.” I laughed and raised my hands in defeat.

“I’ll stay on my fucking line? Fine! I’ll fuck all of the women in the City! Fine! I’ll stay as a playboy! Fucking fine! Ano? Meron ka pang gusto?” matabang kong sabi at halos pait na ang humalo sa ngisi.

His shoulder loosened. And I swear to God, as soon as his eyes turned weary, I just wanted to kneel and ask for forgiveness. I wanted to let him win just to end this fight!

“Hindi mo nalang sana ako pinapasok sa grupo mo kung lalagpas ka lang,” he whispered.

My jaw dropped.

“Hindi mo nalang sana ako binigyan ng ganitong… mundo kung… sisirain mo lang.”

My shoulder loosened. Nag-amba siyang tumalikod kaya hinila ko ang pulso niya ngunit sa rahas ng pagkakaagaw niya at sumabit ang kamay ko sa suot niyang bracelet, sumabog agad ang mga bato ng bigay kong regalo sa kanya.

I saw the shock in his eyes. But then, it automatically turned into darkness as he glared at me. I bowed my head and looked at the gem stones on the floor.

Nahulog ang kamay ko pabalik sa gilid nang kusa ko iyong binawi. Galit na ang tingin niya ngunit ang sakit na dumaan sa kanyang mukha ay parang hinihiwa ako.

“Hindi ka naman ganyan! Pero bakit ganito ang pinaparamdam mo sa akin?! Bakit sa aming dalawa ni Jessie, mas binibigyan mo ako ng pansin! Ng atensyon! Bakit… ako? Sa lahat ng babaeng nakapaligid sa’yo, bakit ako?!”

It was already on the tip of my tongue, but I guess he doesn’t want to hear it because I will only make it worse. I will only give him some reasons to leave.

“Ayoko sa ginagawa mo. Kung ano man ang nasa isip mo, manatili ka sana sa linya, Brent.”

I could sense how much he forced himself to talk. Ramdam ko ang pagpipigil niyang huwag magsalita sa bagay na iyon, ngunit dahil nasagad ko, parang natulak ko siya.

I nodded slowly. I don’t want to hear all of it. He doesn’t need to explain. If he’s having a hard time voicing it out, he doesn’t need to squeeze himself just to make me understand and tell me to stop. This is where it ends. I know when to stop.

Or maybe this is the first time I have no control because I wanted it so much. It was one of those things you don’t want to stay in between because you’ve already made a choice and aren’t confused at all.

And he felt it.

He knew that I didn’t want to stay in between those confusions. I’ve made that decision. I crossed it. And now he’s pushed me back. Back where I should be. Back where he wants me to be. Just in between these colorful and unexplainable feelings I have for him.

“Slow down,” the girl whimpered.

It was a mad sex to release my frustration, but at the same time, a confirmation that I hadn’t acknowledged for so long.

Damn it! Why, Brent? Out of all the people around you, the women around you, why… him?

I flipped her over, rammed it back, and gritted my teeth while thinking that he would rather let me live like this, than change for him.

Naghahalo ang galit at pagsisisi sa akin. I was so blinded by my anger that I couldn’t even feel the pleasure while the woman whimpered under me. She was having the best night of her life while I was in the worst state, and wanting to just smack the shit out of me.

Tang ina! Bakit nga ba? Kahit anong lapag ko ng rason, talagang wala akong mahukay. Hindi ko alam. Basta gusto ko siya! ’Yun na ’yon! At kung naramdaman niya man, at ayaw niya, edi lalayo ako! Ano ako, gago?

Heck why can’t I even force it?! Why? Because he likes Connor more?! Is that it?

“You seem so mad,” the woman chuckled as soon as we got finished.

Kapwa kami nakasandal sa headboard ng kama sa malapit na room kung saan kami nagchecked-in. I can’t even remember her name. Coz as soon as I walked out of the Villa, went to one of the bars, and stumbled upon a woman who was pretty hot and seductive, I knew I needed a distraction.

She took a cigarette out of her pocket and offered it to me. I took one and let her light the tip as I inhaled the smoke.

“Hmm… she cheated?” She tilted her head just to watch my serious expression.

“I don’t have a girlfriend.” I rolled my eyes and puffed my cigarette again.

“Oh. Then…” Umangat ang kilay niya.

“I got rejected.” I smirked at her flatly.

“Really?” she laughed.

Ngumisi ako at binuga ang usok kahit unti-unti ring napawi ang ngiti sa labi ko.

“Yup. Earlier.”

Sa reaksyon niya, hindi niya yata alam kung maaawa ba siya sa akin o pagtatawanan ako. I’m down for the latter coz I wanted to laugh at myself at the moment too. I’m going crazy.

“How did you court her?”

I shrugged. “I didn’t. Naramdaman niya lang. At ayaw niya.”

“Pinaparamdam mo ba?” She tilted her head. “O baka… kunwari friendly ka tapos naguluhan siya. Kaya ka siguro binasted. Knowing you have that kind of face, that built body, and a sexy smirk, you’re almost too good to be true.”

I laughed. “That’s quite cheesy…”

She laughed along with me. I shook my head and puffed my cigarette again.

“At pinaparamdam ng katawan ko sa kanya,” pag-amin ko.

“What?!” She laughed.

Sumabay ang tawa ko. “Not in a dirty way. I mean… I couldn’t control my body language.”

Tumango tango siya at tila ba unti-unti niyang naiintindihan ang tinutukoy ko.

“Tapos gano’n nalang? Isusuko mo na? You won’t even fight for it?”

I only shrugged and blew out the smoke as I stared at the ceiling absentmindedly. Tumagilid ang ulo niya nang hindi agad ako sumagot. I put the cigarette back between my lips as I puffed it again.

“You can tell it to me, you know. I’m a stranger.”

Bumaling ako sa kanya. “He’s a man.”

Nakita ko ang unti-unting pagkapawi ng ngiti niya. She looked at me differently.

“You’re… gay?”

I smirked and shook my head. “I dunno…”

“You’re attracted to a man, which means… you are gay.”

“Just a certain man. Isa lang. Sa kanya lang.”

“Oh…”

“You know that feeling. There are a lot of women, and then there’s that certain boy.”

“Hmm. Then you’re bi.”

I shrugged again. Kung ano mang tawag diyan, hindi ko alam. That’s not important anyway. He doesn’t want me. And I… I don’t even know how to fix this.

“May picture ka ba? Patingin nga…”

Umiling ako. “Today is his birthday. Ginamit ko ang buong pera ko sa birthday niya instead of buying a new phone.”

“What?!” she burst out laughing.

Unti-unti kong napagtanto kung gaano kalala ang nagawa ko. I have never done this before. I don’t care about occasions or the birthdays of the girls around me, pero kay Shiloh… para akong nalulunod na hindi marunong lumangoy at nangangapa agad para lang maibigay ang gusto niya. Para lang mapasaya siya. Para lang… tang ina… makita ang ngiti niya.

And then I ruined it. Damn it!

My mind was rational but it was my body language who sabotage me! It was my actions louder than my words! And I know, I’d be on my knees if he crossed the line!

“He must be cute…” She puffed her cigarette too.

“He’s damn pretty. Half Spanish. Half Chinese. Maputi. Medyo singkit. Kaya ang sarap galitin kasi… lalong gumaganda.”

“Oh… then he’s gay too?”

“Straight.”

Namilog lalo ang mga mata niya. “Oh… you’re attracted to a straight man. That’s pretty complicated. Most of them don’t like being in a relationship with queer people. They only want the opposite of their sex.”

Bumuntonghininga ako. Man… ano ba ’tong napasukan ko?

“Did you confess?” she asked again.

Pumikit ako at bahagyang natawa. “I asked for a kiss.”

“Gago!”

Binasa ko ang labi at nailing sa sarili. “Alam niya na ’yon.”

“Kung straight ako na lalake tapos may lalakeng manghihingi ng kiss sa akin, I’d freak out too! But wait… you haven’t told him that you’re… uh… bi?”

Umiling ako. “I’m a man. That’s what he knows. That’s what everyone knows. That’s what I fucking knew not until he showed up and bent me. Fuck him.” I rolled my eyes lazily and put the cigarette between my lips again.

“Which means you’re closeted.”

The fuck is that?

“’Yung hindi pa lumalabas na they’re part of the LGBTQ community.”

“Kailangan bang lumabas?” I asked.

“Hmm… it’s up to you if you want to stay closeted. Pero may iba kasi na gusto nilang matanggap sila kung sino sila. But you know the society we’re in. There’s a lot of homophobic out there. Parang ikakaguho ng mundo nila pag may ganoong mga tao.”

Tumango ako. I know that.

“So maybe, that man you like was afraid of the judgements? Isa pa, lalo na’t ang alam naman pala ng lahat na lalake ka, baka… iniisip niya na… majajudge kayo?”

Kumunot ang noo ko. Really? Shiloh is thinking like that? I scoffed when I could not help but assume and feed my ass that he liked me silently. I’m not gonna assume here.

Tumahimik ako at hindi na masyadong nagbigay ng opinyon doon. She pulled herself out of the bed and picked up her dress. I watched her naked body for a while, stared at it to satisfy myself while puffing my cigarette.

“But have you tried having a girlfriend?” she asked while wearing her dress.

Umiling ako at itinuon ang tingin sa ceiling.

“You haven’t tried being in a relationship? You’re just… like this? One night? No strings?”

It feels heavy. Hindi ko alam kung turn-off ba siya dahil babaero ako, o dahil… may mas malalim pang rason.

But does he really think I’d still involve myself with girls once I’m in a relationship with him? Heck no. I even dropped it because I wanted to focus on him.

Alam kong meron naman talaga akong nararamdaman sa kanya. But I tried to set it aside coz I’m curious how he would react. I’m curious if he would stay between the lines or cross it.

Alam kong gusto ko siya, hindi sa paraan ng pagkakaguato ko sa mga babae na mababaw lang naman. And how did I fucking know it? Why would I even get horny with a man? Tang ina. Doon pa lang duda na talaga ako eh.

Kakatitig ko sa labi niya, minsan gusto kong halikan. Kakapunta ko sa kuwarto niya, minsan gusto ko nang matulog doon. I was even eager to know all the small details about him.

At sa galit ko kanina na pinili niya si Connor, ano bang tawag doon? Coz the moment he came back and showed up in the pool, I almost wanted to hug him, thinking that it was me whom he chose to be with that night instead of the boys.

But it was just my assuming ass thinking that…maybe… I could finally cross it fully. That maybe, soon, he would tell me that… he feels the same way. That maybe it would come out naturally.

But I was wrong. Very wrong. And now, I’m fucked.

Chapter 18

Strangers

My eyes squinted as soon as I realized it was already morning. Bumangon ako sa kama nang mapagtantong mag-isa nalang.

Shit! It’s almost time for our check-out in the Villa! Nagmamadali akong tumayo, kinuha ang t-shirt ko, at halos patakbong bumalik sa Villa.

Bukas iyon noong makapasok ako nang tuluyan at naririnig ko ang mga boses nila. Noong lumapit lalo, ang mga boys ang unang nakapansin sa akin habang sinusuot ko ang t-shirt ko.

“Ohhhh!” they shouted and clapped.

Gago.

“Saan ka galing, Brent?” Angela hissed.

Sa lahat ng lumingon sa akin lalo na’t nasa hapag silang lahat ng mesa habang kumakain, si Shiloh lang ang nanatili ang tingin sa plato niya. And damn it, can you believe it? Connor is beside him.

Natatawang tumayo si Mavric at lumapit sa akin sabay akbay agad sa akin.

“Ano ’yon? Ano ’yon?” si Mavric na iniaangat na ang t-shirt ko.

“Nakita ka namin kagabi, Brent! Ang hot no’n ah?” si Tyler na malawak ang ngisi sa akin.

“Ang daming kiss mark, Brent!” si Mavric na natatawang tiningnan ang leeg ko.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head as I pushed him away, smirking a bit.

“Cheater ka, Brent! Paano na si Jessie?!” si Angela na sumigaw.

“Hindi nga kami!” tawa ni Jessie.

“I don’t do friends.” I smirked at the girls and walked to the room.

Nagsigawan ang boys habang madrama ang reaksyon ng mga girls.

“Feeling Brent! Sino bang patay na patay sa’yo rito?! Eh si Jessie lang naman!” sigaw ni Sadie.

“Hoy grabe! Friends kami ni Brent!” si Jessie na tumatawa.

“Di ka namin crush ’no! Mga bading kaming mga babae kung ikaw nalang din ang natitirang lalake!” the girls shouted.

That’s good. Hindi rin naman babae ang nagugustuhan ko ngayon.

“Kain, dude!” si Conner.

The punching bag just talked.

Iwinagayway ko lang ang kamay ko at kinuha ang towel para maka shower. Ba’t ako haharap doon habang magkatabi sila? I might just flip the table. Basag talaga itong nguso ni Connor sa akin kung hindi ako nakapagtimpi.

Everyone was now preparing to leave. Hindi na rin nila ginawang topic ang nadatnan nila kaninang umaga. Right. Coz I was a well-known playboy. Kaya bakit nga naman ako magbabago bigla, hindi ba, Shiloh?

Nauna ako sa van nang maiwasan lang siya. Kaso lumabas na ang lahat, pansin ko na wala pa siya. I checked if Connor was already with us, and he’s with the boys.

“Si Shiloh?” tanong ko.

“Nasa loob pa. May hinahanap sa garden,” si Sadie.

“Bakit hindi mo tinulungan?”

“Pinapauna niya na kami eh. Ayaw niya ring sabihin ang hinahanap niya. Wala kaming idea ano ’yon. Hintayin nalang daw natin siya sa labas.”

Umangat ang kilay ko. May hinahanap sa hardin. If I’m right…

My steps unconsciously led me back to the Villa.

“Brent! Gago ka! Sinabi niyang hintayin natin siya rito! Maiinis na naman ’yon sa’yo!” sigaw ni Mavric na hindi ko pinakinggan.

Deritso na ang lakad ko. Pumasok ako sa harap ng room at naaaninag siya sa nakabukas na pinto malapit sa garden. And there… I saw him crouching while he looked so worried.

Binasa ko ang labi at nagtungo roon. The staff member named Angel who accommodated us looked at me. I pointed at the garden, to which she nodded while she was already cleaning in the living room.

I stopped at the open door, folded my arms, and leaned to the side while watching his movement.

“Mauna na kayo—” his soft voice suddenly stopped as soon as he realized who it was.

He took his eyes back and acted like he didn’t see me.

“What are you looking for?” I asked.

“Wala kang pakialam,” he said quietly.

“Tell me so I could help you—” Tumigil ako nang mapagtantong baka akalain niyang lumalagpas na naman ako sa linya.

“Bumalik kana doon,” he said coldly.

Does he really think he will find it? Namulsa ako at tahimik siyang pinanood na talagang ayaw tumigil.

“Hayaan mo na ’yon,” I suggested.

Hindi siya nakinig at nagpatuloy. Lumunok ako. Damn. That woman was now making me assume things. At sa kinikilos niya ngayon, ano bang ibig sabihin nito?

“Let’s go now. Iiwan ka namin dito kung hindi ka tumigil diyan,” banta ko.

But he didn’t listen. He was so determined that… I couldn’t help but assume things.

I crouched down and rested the side of my head against my knuckles. Naroon na siya sa kabilang dako at talagang ayaw tumigil.

I sighed and took the gem stone out of my pocket. Noong nahawakan ko kagabi ang bracelet, ito ang nanatili sa kamay ko na binulsa ko nalang. If… This is what he’s been looking for, I swear to God…

Pinitik ko iyon sa ibang dako at tumikhim. Hindi niya naman napansin kaya hinintay ko nalang na mahanap niya iyon. When I saw him walk that way, he froze a bit as soon as he saw it and glanced at me to check if I was watching. I made sure that I was distracted by the other things. Tiningnan ko nalang ang nasa likurang babae, kunwari ay nalilibang kakatingin sa pangiti ngiti niya sa akin.

Noong bumaling ako kay Shiloh, tumayo na ng tuwid at nilagpasan pa ako. I looked at the corner where I tossed it. And there it wasn’t anymore.

Nag-init ang tainga ko nang tumayo at sumunod.

If I find just one piece of evidence that he likes me, if he crossed what’s in between us, if he stepped forward, I’d fucking risk it all! Isang tawid niya lang patungo sa akin…handa akong ilaban ang meron sa aming dalawa.

I’d be really damned if I found out. Oh the things I could do for him…

“Bye, Ma’am,” bati ko sa caretaker na ngumiti sa akin.

“Balik kayo ulit dito, sir…”

“Of course. I hope you’re still here…” I laughed.

“Opo sir!”

I waved and followed Shiloh. So he’s more comfortable when I’m a playboy, is that it? Oo nga naman, Brent. Sino bang hindi magugulat sa’yo kung bigla nalang nag-iba ang pakikitungo mo sa kanya?

Or did it really change? Since the moment he came here, I’ve been treating him like my mom wants. Until I got used to it? Until it turned into something else?

Maybe it was the curiosity. O baka dahil noong dumating siya, dahil wala na akong babaeng naikakama lalo na’t laging nauudlot dahil sa kanya, iyon ang naging rason kaya sa kanya ko naibaling?

Mariin akong pumikit at ibinagsak ang katawan sa kama. Ilang beses ko na yata ’tong iniisip na kahit noong nakauwi na, pakiramdam ko wala ako sa sarili.

I can’t even trace the trip on our way home in my mind. Tahimik din ang lahat dahil pagod. At hindi rin kami nag-iimikang dalawa simula noong nakauwi.

I heard a doorbell in my condo unit. Wait. I don’t have a visitor? I pulled myself up and went to the door. Narinig ko ang pagbukas ng pinto ng kuwarto ni Shiloh habang binubuksan ko na ang pinto.

I was curious who was coming for him to get out of his room. But when Verena showed up right in front of my condo unit, my eyes widened so much that I froze.

Wearing a haltered top, army green pants, and her hair in a high ponytail, she arched her brow at me.

“Si Shiloh?” she asked in her deep, sexy voice.

“I… uh…” I scratched my nape.

Verena tilted her head, so I glanced at the back and saw Shiloh walking toward us. Tumikhim ako at nilakihan ang pinto.

Damn. He fucking invited Verena to come over! Damn him!

Sa tinagal tagal kong pinagpantasyahan ang babaeng ito, sa ilang taon kong inisip na balang araw, madadala ko rin siya rito, ngayong nandito na, parang gusto ko na yatang mag-impake at maglayas.

I turned my back and went to the room. Why is she here? Kung irereto niya sa akin si Verena… bahala siya. Siya ang lumandi. Sila ang maglandian.

But that doesn’t even sound right to me. I went out again and tilted my head to see if they were in the living room. Kaso hindi ko sila nakita roon kaya alam kong nasa kuwarto sila ni Shiloh.

Fuck!

I walked to Shiloh’s room, wanting to knock, but then I pulled my hand back. Namaywang ako at napayuko ng kaonti, nag-iisip ng rason para pumasok sa kuwarto niya.

Oh damn it, Brent! Go to your fucking room and tie yourself to the bed! Tigilan mo ’yan! Kakapayag mo lang kagabi na didistansya ka…

I leaned closer just to hear what was going on. Kaso bigla iyong bumukas at halos matumba pa ako kaya dali dali akong tumayo ng tuwid at hinaplos ang batok ko.

“I want my SIM back,” agarang gana ng utak ko nang magkatinginan kami ni Shiloh.

“Mamaya nalang. Ibibigay ko,” he said calmly and went out.

Tumango ako. “Siguraduhin mo,” malamig kong sabi at naglakad na pabalik sa room para kunwari unbothered.

As soon as I closed it, I was already pacing back and forth. What should I do? Fuck!

Muli kong binuksan ang pinto at sinilip ang labas. Mukhang bumalik na siya sa kuwarto. Nanatili muna ako ng limang minuto at nagbilang bilang, saka muling lumabas ng kuwarto.

I cleared my throat and stopped in front of his door. Act naturally, Brent.

Noong bumukas iyon at muli kaming nagkatinginan ni Shiloh, sinikap kong magsuplado.

“Let me borrow your iPad. I’ll call mom. I f-follow-up ko ang allowance ko.”

He nodded and closed it. Napahinga ako nang maluwag. Fuck. What are they doing? Kailangan ko pa yatang disturbuhin sila minu-minuto para makasiguradong wala silang ginagawa.

Ilang sandali lang, bumukas ulit iyon at inilahad niya sa akin. I took it from his hand and went back to my room.

Noong makapasok, mabilis kong binuksan ang messenger. Hindi ko na tiningnan kung anong meron doon at nag log in sa account ko.

I immediately called Sadie. Whatever this girl is doing at the moment, she must stop it.

Hindi niya sinagot ang naunang tawag kaya tumawag akong muli. Sadie, come on! Pick it up! Hindi niya ulit sinagot kaya nag-iwan ako ng mensahe.

Brent:

WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?

PICK UP THE CALL

She viewed the message.

Sadie:

Papansin ka! Ano?!

Brent:

Verena is here!

Sadie:

Grabe Brent. Anong gusto mo? Magpaparty dahil sa wakas, nakuha mo na ang girl of your dreams?!

Brent:

In Shiloh’s room DAMN IT!

I saw her typing until it stopped and her call flashed on the screen. Look at this girl. She purposely ignored my call, and then she’s now calling me instead. If this is a normal day, I won’t pick it up either. But then, this is an emergency situation.

“Ba’t siya nandiyan?! Gago ka!” she leered at me while panicking.

“Pumunta ka rito. Bilis!”

“Huh?! Akala ko ba bawal?”

“Just come here! Visit Shiloh. Join them inside.”

“Edi pauwiin mo si Verena! Condo unit mo naman ’yan.”

“Pupunta ka ba rito o hindi?” I asked. This time I sounded pissed.

“Teka lang! Nagbibihis pa ako!”

I was so stressed that I needed to puff a cigarette. Kumuha ako ng isa at tiningnan kung ilang minuto na ang dumaan.

I went outside again, walked to his room, and knocked. Nakapagbilang pa ata ako ng sampong sigundo bago niya muling binuksan.

“I need the charger for your iPad,” sabi ko at umaktong walang pakialam kung ano man ang kababalaghan ang ginagawa nila.

He nodded and closed the door. Binasa ko ang labi at kinagat iyon. Come to think of it? If they ended up together, I’d be the most miserable man alive. Nagkatuluyan pa ang babaeng nagustuhan ko, at ang lalaking bumali sa akin.

I should have snapped his neck instead, as soon as he came into my condo. Wala sana akong problema ngayon.

Binuksan niyang muli ang pinto at inilahad sa akin ang charger. I took it from his hand without even looking at me.

I tried to tilt my head, which immediately caught his eye.

“You might… want a snack. Together with your visitor?” Hindi ko na napigilang magsalita.

“May cake pa naman sa ref. Meron din ’yung mga pagkain. I could… heat it if you like. You two just stay in the living room. If you like…” I suggested, trying to sound concerned.

“Lalabas din kami,” he said, taking his eyes off me.

I nodded slowly and gulped. Isinara niya na ang pinto kaya pumikit ako at halos makuyom ang hawak kong charger.

He wanted you to stay as his… friend. He wanted you to remain the way you are without crossing his boundary.

If he found out that Sadie is on the way because I called her to mess it up again, he might only… hate me to the core.

I should just let him be. If he wants to date her, what is it to me then, right? And if… Verena likes him, who am I to interfere?

I went back to my room unconsciously and typed a message to Sadie.

Just go home Sadie. Verena has already gone home.

I was about to toss his iPad on my bed when I remembered it wasn’t mine to begin with. Kung gamit ko lang ’to, baka kahit palabas ng bintana papaliparin ko ’to sa sobrang sama ng loob ko.

I sat on the bed and slammed myself as I laid down while sighing. Act normal, Brent. Bring back those old habits of yours so he won’t get too uncomfortable with your drastic changes.

Ano bang gusto niya? Mangbabae nalang ako? Sure. That’s easy. I could do that effortlessly since I’m built that way. But this time I was doing it because I needed to, just to make him see that I’m back in my usual… asshole self.

May nagdoorbell kaya namilog ang mga mata ko at natatarantang bumangon. Shit. She didn’t read my message?

Binuksan ko agad ang pinto nang tuluyang makalabas. Sadie, who was frowning, showed up.

“You didn’t read my message?”

Instead of answering me, she pushed my shoulder and walked in. I sighed and closed the door as I grabbed her arm and went to my room.

“Let’s just let them be,” sabi ko nang isara ang pinto.

Her jaw dropped. “Bakit? Ano bang nangyayari? Are they…” Her eyes widened even more.

I shrugged. “Ewan. If they want to date then…” Hindi ko man lang matuloy ang gusto kong sabihin.

Sadie sighed. “Hindi ko naman as in gusto si Shiloh. Kaya kung… si Verena…” Her brow knitted to the core as she couldn’t continue her words too.

Namaywang ako at malayo ang tingin habang sumandal naman si Sadie sa may pinto, nakatingin sa ibaba.

“Hanapan mo kaya ako… ng uh… iboboyfriend.”

Umangat ang aking kilay. But then, it’s good for her that she immediately moved on. Tumango ako kahit wala akong maisip na ibibigay sa isang ’to.

“Should I have one too?” I asked unconsciously.

“What? A girlfriend?” Her eyes widened.

I shrugged. “Maybe someone I could… get to know and… get serious with?”

Namilog lalo ang mga mata niya. She put her hand against my neck like I was sick.

“Anong nangyari? May sakit ka ba?”

I rolled my eyes and pushed her hand away from me.

“I’m just sick of being called a playboy. Kaya ko namang magseryoso. I’m just not really in the mood for serious relationships because of the dramas…”

“Eh lagi nga kayong nag-aaway ni Shiloh! Drama na rin ’yon!” natatawa niyang sabi.

Damn right.

But… If I stay in between, I don’t want this kind of… going back to my old ways. Maybe I could understand how relationships work if I started getting serious?

Lalo na’t medyo tumatak sa isip ko ang tanong noong babae. Maybe I just needed to understand how relationships with girls work to break this cycle of mine.

And… There might be a woman out there who would match my vibe? A nonchalant girlfriend. Snob… Speaks less… Into movies… Pretty… Hot… And into paintings—

Tang ina. Hindi ko alam kung si Verena ba itong iniisip ko o si Shiloh. I realized that they both resembled each other in so many ways. Tahimik. Mahilig sa painting. Matalino. Maganda.

Wow. The similarity is just too uncanny. Parehas parang walang pake sa akin.

Ilang sandali lang may kumatok. At dahil si Sadie ang nakasandal sa pinto, habang ako ay nasa kama na at nakahiga habang hinuhubad ang t-shirt ko, ginamit ko nalang ang iPad ni Shiloh para makapagreply sa mga messages sa social media ko.

“Hi Shiloh,” bati ni Sadie kaya naitagilid ko ang ulo ko para lang masilip ang siwang ng pinto.

Nilakihan ni Sadie ang pagkakabukas noon hanggang natagpuan niya akong nakasandal sa headboard ng kama habang hawak ang iPad niya.

“Painit kami ng pagkain sa fridge…” he ordered.

Woah… I immediately got up and nodded. Tumingin si Sadie sa labas at nanatili sa likod ng pinto, halos ayaw nang umalis doon.

“Let’s go,” udyok ko kay Sadie na nagtatago pa roon.

She nodded and went out with me. Nahanap ko agad si Verena na nakaupo sa sofa at lumingon sa amin. Her eyes immediately went to Sadie and then to me.

Man… It’s always her cold stare. Parang si Shiloh lang na sa tuwing titingin sa akin, akala mo laging galit. Sometimes I wonder why those whom I like hate me and those whom I do not like at all seem so fond of me?

I microwaved some of the food for them. Ganado ako lalo na’t utos niya. Kinausap niya ako. Maybe he really likes being friends with me? Ginawa pa akong friend. Wow. Is this what they called friendzone?

So I got… friendzone?

Oh, shut up, motherfucker. You haven’t even confessed. He just cut it off. He just… wants you to distance yourself.

Tumulong si Sadie sa akin at mukhang hindi alam kung ano ang gagawin. I coaxed her to join them on the sofa, but she didn’t want it so I let her help me out. Siya ang pinainit ko sa ulam habang ako naman ang naglalagay ng malalamig na desserts sa plato.

“Tanga! Alisin mo naman sa foil ’yang lasagna!” Tampal niya sa kamay ko nang inilagay ko nalang iyon sa plato kasama ang foil.

“What’s the difference? Alisin mo ’yan sa foil o hindi, gano’n pa rin ang lasa,” I argued back.

“Pero mas maganda ang plating kung wala na sa foil! Alisin mo!”

“Just let it.”

Ngunit talagang makulit itong si Sadie at itinutulak na ako paalis doon sa harap. Nag-aagawan na kaming dalawa sa plato na hinihila ko na rin.

“Just take it out of the foil,” biglang singit ng tinig ni Verena.

Natigilan kaming dalawa ni Sadie at sabay na lumingon sa sofa hanggang napagtanto naming tinitingnan na pala kami.

“Ah… wag na pala.” Tikhim ni Sadie.

“No. Verena is right. We should take it out of the foil,” I said, pulling the plate out of her hand.

“Huwag na!” giit ni Sadie at nanliit ang tingin sa akin.

Damn this woman. Nagsisi pa ako bakit pinapunta ko ’to. I remembered why I don’t want her at my place, because it would be a disaster if we were in one place.

“Maganda rin naman kung nasa foil lang,” biglang sabi ni Shiloh.

Really? I nodded and stopped resisting. Paano ako makakapalag niyan ngayon kung siya na ang nagsalita? He’s always damn right. Maganda nga naman… Sobrang ganda.

But then… I remember I should be killing this feelings for him so…

Tumikhim ako. “Alisin nalang ’yung foil. Pangit nga naman at baka makain natin.”

Tumango si Sadie sa akin habang ang dalawang nakisali sa pagtatalo namin ay tumahimik din naman sa sofa. Hah. Thought I’d still spoil you? Let’s be strangers, then. I don’t want you as a friend. Never.

Chapter 19

Work

“Bakit ka makikipaghiwalay? Nag-away lang, makikipaghiwalay agad?” irita kong sabi nang magkakayayaang uminom sa bahay nila Connor sa linggong lumipas.

My punching bag is brokenhearted.

“Dude nakipaghiwalay na! Anong magagawa ko? At bahala siya. Akala niya siguro hahabulin ko siya?” Iling ni Connor at inubos ang Cuervo sa shot glass niya.

Shiloh’s fantasy would really come true if this fucker was single.

“Ano ba kasing pinag-awayan niyo? Nahuli ka siguro?” Hagalpak ni Mavric.

“Dahil sa trip. Hindi ako nagpaalam nang maayos.” He shook his head.

Kumuha ako ng pulutan habang lumilipad pa ang isip ko.

“Ano bang paalam mo na all boys?” si Rick na nakasandal sa upuan niya.

“Oo. Hindi ’yon papayag eh pag sinabi kong nandoon sila Angela. Alam mo namang pinagseselosan no’n si Patricia.” Iling niya.

“Edi sana sinama mo ang girlfriend mo,” si Tyler.

“That’s the problem. She doesn’t want it. You know she doesn’t trust all of you. Mga gago raw kayo.”

Tumingin agad silang lahat sa akin. I arched my brow. Ako nalang talaga lagi ang nakikita ng mga hayop na ’to. Akala mo ang titino eh mga gago din naman.

“Text her and say sorry. Kasalanan mo naman pala,” I coaxed.

“Ayoko na, Brent. Bahala siya. Lagi nalang akong pinagdududahan purket may kaibigan akong mga babae.”

“Build her trust with our friends. That’s it,” sabi ko.

“Paano ib-build kung ayaw niya nga maging ka close, Brent?” Natawa si Connor ng hilaw habang tinitingnan ang pagsalin ng inumin ni Tyler sa shot glass niya lalo na’t nasa tabi niya lang ito.

“You know assurance is very important, not just through your actions but also in words, Con. Her heart will acknowledge all of your efforts, but your words will linger in her mind, so stabilize both. Tell her the truth so she won’t overthink things,” sabi ko.

“Ganyan ka ba sa lahat ng girls, Brent? Kaya baliw na baliw sila sa’yo?” si Mavric na tumawa.

I shrugged. I still have a lot of things to learn…

“You know what’s the complicated part about girls? Laging nagdududa. I had an ex that came from a toxic relationship. Sa akin binubunton lahat ng trauma niya sa lalake. I broke up with her because it’s not healthy anymore,” si Ronan na naiiling.

“Eh kung ikaw nakarelasyon ko pagdududahan din naman kita, Ron,” natatawang si Rick kaya nagbatuhan sila saglit ng lighter.

“If you know she’s mentally unstable, why did you even court her, Ron?” si Tyler.

“Coz she’s hot. Let’s admit it, we court girls for petty reasons. Malay ko ba kung… ganoon ang isip niya,” kibit ni Ronan.

“Edi kasalanan mo rin. You shove yourself into a relationship that needs a lifetime of patience to put up with her, and you won’t even man up?” si Mavric na nailing.

“That’s why I learned my lesson, alright? Kaya tingnan mo ngayon, tikim tikim nalang. I don’t need to deal with their shit because it’s just one night. Right, Brent? We hate the drama.” Ngisi ni Ronan sa akin.

Hindi ako nakasagot at ngumiti lang. Mavric glanced at me.

“Marunong naman ’tong magseryoso, hindi lang nagseseryoso,” aniya.

Right.

But this time, I might have the lifetime patience to put up with someone I want. Maybe that’s the hardest part of being in a relationship. You have a lot of things to work on if you want them to stay in your life.

“Kung gusto mo talaga, you won’t worry about her issues. Kung pangit ang naging relasyon niya noon, then assure her. That’s the main point there. Break the old cycle of her past relationship until she realizes that not all men are the same with her ex,” si Mavric.

Tumango ako.

“Girls aren’t really complicated. They’re just risk takers. They easily forgive, and they love the hardest. If you think she’s being a pain in the ass, then check yourself if you weren’t an asshole yourself. Baka kasi ikaw ang problema kasi hindi mo inaalagaan ng tama.”

Mavric laughed and shook my shoulder. The boys were grinning at me as well.

“May seseryosohin na siguro ang gagong ’to,” si Tyler na nailing.

Binalikan ko ng tingin si Connor.

“Hindi ka naman siguro nagcheat?” tanong ko.

Naninimbang agad ang tingin ng mga boys sa kanya. Connor shook his head aggressively.

“Wala akong close sa babae ah! Kay Shiloh nga lang ako halos dumikit noong trip natin!”

At sinali pa talaga? Babalian ko na talaga ng leeg ang hayop na ’to para matuluyan diyan sa pagiging broken niya.

Irita kong kinuha ang shot glass at nilagok iyon ng buo. Sumulyap saglit si Mavric sa akin pero walang sinabi habang tumingin ulit ako kay Connor lalo na’t nagkwento ulit.

“Nagalit siya dahil doon sa group picture na in-upload ni Sadie. Malay ko ba at fino-follow niya pala ’yon sa dump account ni Sadie?”

“May dump account si Sadie?” I asked, a bit shock.

“Oo. Para daw ’yon kay Shiloh. Kaso siya ang gumagamit kasi hindi ginalaw ni Shiloh. Pinupuno niya ng memories,” he continued.

Hold up. The dump account is meant for Shiloh? And where is all of this information coming from? Wala akong alam diyan ah?

“Really?” I sounded so clueless.

“May napapansin talaga ako kay Shiloh,” biglang singit ni Rick habang malalim ang isip.

We all looked at him. Tumingin si Rick sa akin.

“Ayaw ba sa skinship ni Shiloh, Brent?”

I suddenly remember how I put my hand on his stomach. But I remembered his first day here, he’s avoiding my touch. He hates it.

“Oo nga ’no? Hindi ko pa naaalalang hinawakan ako ni Shiloh,” si Tyler na biglang nag-isip isip din.

“Bakit ka naman niya hahawakan?” I laughed and shook my head.

Muling lumingon si Mavric sa akin. “Bakit? Hinahawakan ka ba?”

“Oo, dude! Hinahawakan siya! Laging lumalagapak ang kamay ni Shiloh sa kanya!” Ronan laughed.

I stifled my smile because I find it cute.

“Brent, papuntahin mo nga rito si Shiloh.” Biglang utos ni Connor na medyo lasing nang tingnan.

Napawi agad ang ngiti ko at umismid.

“Huwag na. Nasa girls ’yon,” sabi ko.

“Nag-away na naman siguro kayo?” hula ni Tyler.

“Hindi sumasabay si Shiloh lately ah? Lagi nang nasa girls. Minsan naroon sa circles ni Verena. Dude, I think Shiloh is hitting on your crush,” si Ronan sabay halakhak.

Binato siya ni Rick ng tissue na kanina niya pa pinaglalaruan sa lamesa.

“Ang bait ni Shiloh tapos pag-iisipan mo ng ganyan,” si Rick na agresibo.

“Ah… I’ll call him. He needs to be here. I need him,” Connor said drunkenly while taking his phone out of his pocket.

At may number siya ni Shiloh? Sinipa ko agad siya sa ilalim ng lamesa kaya natumba ang shot glass na medyo nasagi niya. Napatayo si Connor para iwasang mabasa lalo na’t umagos na ang tubig habang si Tyler agad ang nagpatayo ng shot glass.

“Huwag mo nang papuntahin,” I said aggressively.

“Woah… Chill, Brent.” Tapik ni Mavric sa balikat ko sabay halakhak.

“He’s part of our circle, Brent. Stop isolating him,” si Connor na natatawang tiningnan ang screen ng phone niya.

“Baka tulog na ’yon, Con,” si Rick.

“Papuntahin niyo na. Para naman may magpayo kay Connor. We suck at giving love advice since we are all only good in bed,” si Ronan sabay hagalpak at nakipag-apir kay Tyler.

“Huwag mo nang disturbohin, Connor. Tama si Rick. Baka tulog na,” awat din ni Mavric.

Connor was lazily scrolling on his phone with his squinted eyes. Tumayo ako at hinablot ang phone niya.

“Instead of calling him, just text your girl and apologize.” Saka ko inilapag ang phone niya sa mesa na medyo lumagapak pa.

Connor took his seat again and leaned against it while pushing his head back.

“Damn girl. Bahala siya…” he murmured.

“Dude, we’ll find you a chic. Tomorrow. Let’s hit the club right after the class!” si Tyler na tinapik ang balikat niya.

“Kaya walang tiwala ’yung girlfriend niya sa circles natin dahil gago tayo.” Iling ko.

“Who cares, Brent? Connor didn’t cheat. His girlfriend is paranoid. Kaibigan niya lang naman ang mga girls na kasali sa circle natin—”

“Pero hindi siya nagpaalam nang maayos, Ronan. He’s in a relationship with her. How would he assure his girl that he’s not cheating behind her back if he can’t even tell the truth?”

“Brent. I didn’t cheat…” si Connor na tamad bumangon.

“Yes, you didn’t. But you didn’t tell her the truth. And you’re thinking that he could trust you fully when you only gave her your half-assed truth?”

Natahimik si Connor. Mavric smirked at me while nodding. Ronan and Tyler froze as if I had knocked some senses out of them, while Rick was nodding seriously.

“If you want to assure her that you weren’t cheating behind her back or that you’re loyal to her, then tell the truth. You may haven’t cheated behind her back, but you still didn’t tell her the truth. That’s a betrayal.”

Connor’s shoulder loosened.

“Kahit sabihin ko ang totoo, magagalit lang ’yon—”

“Then ask her what’s making her mad so you can address the root of the problem. Baka kaya galit siya lagi dahil hindi mo sinosolusyunan ’yung kinakabahala niya. If she’s doubting our friends, do something about it.”

Mavric smiled at me and shook his head again while sipping his shot.

“And what, Brent? Iwasan ni Connor ang mga babae nating kaibigan? Dude, that’s a toxic relationship! Masasakal si Connor,” si Ronan.

“Edi hiwalayan mo! Gago ka pala, Connor. Naggigirlfriend ka tapos hindi mo siya bibigyan ng assurance,” si Rick sa maangas na tinig.

Sa sobrang agresibo no’n, napatingin kaming lahat sa kanya at medyo natawa. Connor, who seemed offended, couldn’t help but smile while rolling his eyes.

“You know what, Con? Why don’t you get another bottle of Cuervo. Iinom mo ’yan hanggang mawala siya sa isip mo.” Tapik ni Tyler sa balikat niya.

Connor, the most miserable man right now, stood and walked to their kitchen like a zombie. Pinagtawanan siya ni Tyler at Ronan. Nailing ako habang iniisip kung anong balak niya ngayon.

“Uy single! Hello single!” Angela and the girls teased as soon as Connor, who still looked hangover, was sitting with us as soon as we all decided to hit the cafeteria.

The girls were now occupying their seats. Nasa kabilang table sila Ronan at Mavric na may kausap na girls. Sa tabi ko ay si Tyler na abala sa phone.

“Shut up, Angela,” si Connor na wala sa mood. Where’s Shiloh?“ Mapaghanap ang tingin niya at noong tumigil sa likod ko, alam kong papunta na rin iyon doon kasama sila Sadie.

“Brent!” si Ronan na sinenyasan akong pumunta roon.

I immediately stood and walked to their table. The girls who were there were now grinning at each other.

“Nanonood daw sila lagi ng practice natin!” si Ronan na malawak ang ngisi.

Of course. The girls weren’t average-looking. Isa pa yata sa kanila ay madalas kong namamataan sa club sa Bonifacio.

I offered my hand for a handshake. The Chinita girl handed me her hand and smiled at me.

“Shila…”

Shila… It sounded like Shiloh. Nice.

Connor dragged the chair for Shiloh while his shoulder rested at the top of the chair. I pressed the tip of my tongue against my cheek until it bubbled as I seriously took my eyes away from them.

Inakbayan ako ni Mavric at bumulong.

“The rack, Brent,” he whispered. “Crush ka rin daw… This is gonna be easy for you.”

Siniko ko si Mavric at naiiling na ngumisi. He smiled at me meaningfully. I prefer flat this time. I don’t care about racks anymore.

“Accountancy, right?” si Shila.

Whew. Seems like she knows a lot of things about me.

“Edi you’re smart in math?” The girl beside her, ang tinititigan ni Mavric.

“Sakto lang.” I shrugged while wearing my smile.

“I love smart men…” si Shila.

Tumingin si Ronan at Mavric sa akin. Right. I know the drill.

“Mahilig din ako sa singkit,” I smiled more.

Mavric and Ronan made a dramatic ohhh and gave each other a high five. Ngumuso si Shila habang nakangisi kong pinasadahan ng haplos ang buhok.

Yup. This is very easy. Less headache. I could pull this off for a week? But I am not gonna rush. I want to know her.

“Tingnan mo ang mga gago,” I heard Angela’s voice at our table.

“Ang lala talaga nito ni Brent,” the other girls.

It’s always me. Parang ako lang ang may maduming reputasyon dito at nababalewala ang sa ibang boys dahil ako ang laging nakikita sa crime scene.

Well, the boys were sneaky. I am the vulgar type. I don’t hide my shit. And why would I hide it when… I don’t have a girlfriend?

“Hayaan niyo siya,” I heard Shiloh’s voice.

Napawi ang ngisi ko. Pasimple akong bumaling sa table nila at nakita ko ang paglingon din ni Shiloh. You want this, right? You want the space. You want the distance. Then I’ll give it.

We weren’t talking. Kahit pagkauwi, hindi siya lumalabas ng kuwarto kaya nauuna akong kumain at iniiwan ang niluto ko para sa kanya. But then, early in the morning, the food I cooked was still covered. Hindi man lang ginalaw.

Nakita ko pa sa trash can ang nakaipit na cellophane ng Jollibee. He ordered food for himself because he didn’t want to eat mine. I cannot believe he’s this stubborn.

Nauna akong naligo. Paglabas habang nakatapis lang ng tuwalya, natagpuan ko siyang humihikab habang nakaupo sa sofa at nasa balikat ang tuwalya.

We locked gazes when he glanced at me. Tahimik akong naglakad patungo sa kuwarto pabalik.

“Give me back my SIM,” I said.

“Mamaya.”

“I want it now. I need it.”

“Mamaya na,” he hissed.

“Why not now?” I glared at him impatiently.

“Bakit ngayon?” he glared back.

Namaywang ako. “I need it to text someone.”

“Bakit? May phone ka ba?”

Hinahamon talaga ako ng isang ’to. As much as I want to tell him that I don’t because I spent it on his fucking birthday, I don’t want him to feel bad about it. Bakit ko ’yon isusumbat eh ginusto ko iyon?

“I’ll borrow one of Mavric’s phones.”

“Ang dami mo talagang paraan para lumandi.” He rolled his eyes.

Kumunot ang noo ko. Tila ba natauhan siya kaya tumayo agad at naglakad sa banyo.

“Huwag mo na akong hintayin. Kila Connor ako sasabay.”

Tang…ina. I should check Connor’s car in the parking lot later at school. Bubutasan ko ’yon.

I slammed the door shut in my room. Fine. Edi kung hindi siya sasabay, ain’t my problem. Mom really wants me to look after this attitude, boy, huh?

I drove straight to school when I saw Connor in the hallway. Kumunot ang noo ko. Naliligo pa ’yon noong umalis ako ah?

“Con… Susunduin mo si Shiloh? Sasabay daw siya sa’yo.”

“Huh? Oh shit…” Namilog ang kanyang mga mata.

“Nakalimutan mo?”

“No… I thought you two were gonna go to school together. Nag-away na naman ba kayo?” Nagmamadali niyang kinapa ang bulsa.

I didn’t answer him and folded my arms.

“Tatawagan ko nalang si Tyler. Papadaanan ko,” aniya.

I pressed my tongue against the side of my mouth, as Connor was now calling Tyler.

“I’m taking a taxi! Puno lagi ang parking space. It’s hassle to bring car all the time,” rinig ko si Tyler.

“Ako na,” presinta ko at nailing. “Stop giving him words you can’t even stand, Connor. Fix that kind of attitude. No wonder your girlfriend broke up with you.”

“What?” Humabol ang tinig niya sa akin.

I shooed him away while waving my hand a bit as I walked to the parking lot. Masasagad lang ang pasensya ko sa kanya.

“It slipped my mind, Brent!” sigaw niya.

Slipped my ass. Kahit galit ako, kahit lasing ako, hindi ko nakakalimutan ang mga sinasabi ko kay Shiloh. And he’d be his ideal boy if he were a girl, huh? You have poor taste, boy.

Mabilis ang pagdadrive ko. My subject is almost starting. Shit. It’s my major. Mamaya pa ang subject no’n kaya medyo ayos lang kahit hindi siya maaga. Still, he might wait there, expecting the fucker to fetch him when Connor has completely forgotten him.

Pagkapasok ko sa parking lot ng building, nakita ko siyang nakatayo roon, kumukunot ang noo kakatingin. I sighed. How many minutes did he stand there? Tang ina nitong si Connor.

I stopped in front of him, pulled the window down as my eyes remained at the front.

“Get in,” malamig kong sabi.

“Ba’t ka nandito?” irita agad ang tinig niya.

“Connor’s car was flat. He can’t fetch you. Pinasuyo ka niya so get the fuck in.”

Matagal ang titig niya sa akin.

“Sa likod ka kung ayaw mo rito sa harap,” I explained.

Shiloh went straight to the back seat and opened the door. Binasa ko ang labi. Tiningnan ko siya sa itaas ng salamin na bumubusangot at napipilitan pa.

“Edi nagtaxi nalang sana ako,” he murmured.

Pinaandar ko agad ang kotse ko nang hindi siya makalabas pa. Tahimik siya buong byahe ganoon din ako. For sure, he won’t be coming home with me later. Baka makisabay ’yan sa girls.

I could feel the distance even though he was in my circle. Kahit sa breaktime, lagi akong sa tabi ni Mavric at madalas ang hagalpakan namin sa topic about girls.

“Hoy Brent. Nililigawan mo raw si Shila Tan? As in Shilani Tan?!” si Kelsey na namimilog ang mga mata.

Nililigawan? Woah… Who spread that?

“’Yung singkit na half Chinese at elite? Grabe ka, Brent!” the other girl who’s now making a fuss about it.

“Crush si Brent.” Ngisi ni Mavric at inakbayan ako.

I smirked cockily, while the girls were now scoffing. Nasulyapan ko ang pag-angat ng kilay ni Shiloh sa tabi ni Connor na kinakausap siya.

“Con. Let’s hit the club later. Brokenhearted ka pa, ’di ba? Let’s use your car, dude. I left mine,” si Tyler na sumulpot na sa table namin at tinapik ang balikat niya habang hinihila ang upuan sa gilid ni Connor.

“Sure.”

Nakita ko pagkakasalubong ng kilay ni Shiloh. Oh shit.

“Akala ko… flat ka?” si Shiloh.

The boys laughed as soon as they heard it and slapped Connor’s chest.

“That’s why gym is important, dude. You’re too flat. Napapansin na ni Shiloh,” si Ronan na tawang tawa.

“Hoy anong flat?!” si Angela na nakaangat ang kilay.

The boys raised their hands in defeat when they saw the glares of the other girls.

“Nosy girls. Nandito ang linya. Stop being nosy with boys topic,” si Tyler na ipinakita pa ang invisible line.

“I mean… flat ang kotse mo?” si Shiloh na ayaw pakawalan ang topic.

“Huh? No…” si Connor.

“Dinaanan mo ba sa bahay nila ’yung ex mo, Con?” asar ni Ronan.

Umangat ang kilay ko. Connor looked guilty, but he was shaking his head. Humagalpak ang mga boys.

“Wala ’to. Lumuhod siguro ’to sa labas ng gate kaninang umaga!” turo ni Rick at natatawa na.

“Fuck you,” si Connor na pinakita ang daliri.

I looked at Shiloh, who was now glancing at me. I know that their relationship wasn’t that romantic, and I am just assuming that, but still, Connor did him dirty. And… it’s showing on the surface.

I tried to cover up for his shit. It’s a minor case when you forget those things you promised your friend. Pero alam ko, medyo nakakadismaya iyon.

“Baby please… take me back,” Mavric mimicked dramatically as he acted on the floor and knelt down.

“Tang ina ka, Mav!” si Connor na binato sa kanya ang mineral water.

Humalakhak kaming lalo. Shiloh stretched his lips but I could sense that he was distracted.

Right. I’m obvious. I covered up Connor’s mistake. Ano namang sasabihin ko?

“Lalake ka dude. We don’t chase here,” si Tyler na inakbayan si Connor.

“Bading kasi ’yan si Connor,” si Ronan.

Shiloh looked uncomfortable about the topic. Tumikhim ako.

“Anong room ba noong Shila, Ron?” baling ko sa kanya.

The topic immediately shifted. Now, they are more invested in me because I am talking about another girl.

“Tara dude. Daanan natin. Crush ko ’yung kaibigan niya,” si Mavric na tumatayo na.

I nodded and stood with him. Tyler stood as well, taking the food from the girls as they shouted at us. Connor stayed.

“Con! Tara!” si Rick.

“Diyan ka lang, Shiloh. Join the girls…” si Mavric.

“Talagang dito lang si Shiloh. Idadamay niyo pa sa kalokohan niyo,” si Angela.

Connor stood and went with us. I looked at Shiloh, who was looking at me with those eyes I couldn’t name.. but assume that… he wanted me to stay.

My chest was pounding so hard. Bumabagal ang paglalakad ko at nasa dulo na ng dila ko ang manatili nalang doon. But then Mavric put his arm around my shoulder and coaxed me to walk more.

“Seseryosohin mo ba ’tong si Shila? She’s actually girlfriend material,” ani Mavric.

Namulsa ako sa varsity jacket ko at naudyok na sumama nalang habang patungo na kaming boys sa kabilang department.

“Court Shila, Brent. I think you need to have a girlfriend to at least understand how relationships work.” Nanunuya ang ngisi niya sa akin.

I rolled my eyes. But then, Mavric has a point. I should start getting serious.

Chapter 20

Better

Siniko kami ni Ronan at nginuso ang grupo ng mga boys na naglalakad sa hallway. It’s Kael’s group.

Naghagalpakan agad kami at makahulugan na ang tingin kay Kael na irita ang tingin sa amin.

“Hi love,” Ronan greeted jokingly and winked.

Gago!

Mas lumakas ang tawanan namin. Kael’s brows knitted, including those of the boys who were with him.

“Kumain kana, love?” gatong ni Mavric at malakas pang sinabi kay Rick.

“Kain ka, love. Gusto ko pa naman ang muscles mo na iheadlock ako,” si Connor na kinopya ang isa sa replies namin kay Kael.

Kael’s brows knitted more. He looked so pissed while we were so loud in the hallway.

“Tayo ba pinaparinggan ng mga gagong ’yan, Kael?” isa sa mga kaibigan niya ang maangas na sumita.

Kael, who seems so annoyed, stopped in front of us instead of passing by. Tumigil din kaming lahat. It was Tyler who stood in front of him with a smirk on his lips. And since he’s six feet one, the five-foot-11 Kael, Tyler became the superior-looking one while cocking his head to the side.

“Yes?” Tyler asked.

“Anong problema niyo sa amin?” Isa sa mga kaibigan ni Kael na nakatayo rin sa kanyang likuran at maangas ang tingin sa amin.

Tyler was chuckling, looking at Kael, who’s lifting his head boyishly, ready to throw a fit once we told him that he’s been our meme for a while now in the GC.

“Love, calm down,” ang putang inang si Ronan sabay akbay kay Tyler at nangingiti pa.

Kael scoffed, looked to the other side, and as soon as he looked at us, his punch flew into the air. Mabilis ang atras ni Tyler habang natatawa ganoon din kami.

“Woah… Chill. We’re at the school,” si Tyler na inaangat ang dalawang kamay.

Kael went to us and pulled Tyler’s neckline. The mocking smile on Tyler’s lips didn’t vanish. Kung hindi lang may dumaan na prof at estrikto ang tingin sa amin, hindi kami kakalma.

“Kayo na namang mga varsity player,” he warned.

Tinapik ko ang balikat ni Tyler. “That’s enough. Baka makaabot ’to kay Coach.”

Kael’s group passed at us. Binangga pa ang balikat ni Tyler habang nakangising hinipo ni Tyler ang batok at sinundan ng tingin ang grupo nila.

“Ganda ni love magalit,” he joked, so we ended up laughing on our way to the other department.

“Sabihin mo na, Tyler! Makipagvideo call tayo mamayang gabi!” si Ronan.

“Si Tyler ang ipaharap niyo para sila ang magsuntukan. Ayokong may pasa ngayon. Badshot doon sa kaibigan ni Shila,” si Mavric.

“Makaabot ’to kay Verena ako ang mas mababadshot dito.” Iling ko.

“He bullied, Shiloh. Hindi natin kasundo ang mga ganoong tao, Brent,” si Mavric na inakbayan ako.

“Gago niya. Akala niya siguro palalampasin natin ’yon. He must apologize to Shiloh,” si Rick.

“Sa’yo pa talaga galing Rick ha? Nagsorry kana ba kay Denver?” si Ronan.

“Tapos na. Sinamahan ako ni Shiloh. We’re good.”

“Kailan?” Kumunot ang noo ko.

“Hindi ba sinabi ni Shiloh sa’yo?” si Rick nang tingnan ako.

“Nasa World War Three sila. Don’t expect Shiloh to tell him things,” natatawang si Connor.

Umangat ang kilay ko.

“Magsorry ka, Brent. Gago ka rin talaga. Lakas mong mangaral pero isa ka rin palang hayop ka,” si Rick na marahas na ang tingin sa akin.

Tumawa si Mavric. “Ano ba kasing ginawa mo? Dude, Shiloh isn’t a woman. Stop treating him like a baby. Maaasar talaga ’yan sa’yo.”

“Binilin siya ni Mommy sa akin—”

“Say sorry, Brent. You know the girls if they find out you’re starting another war with Shiloh. Hindi tayo makakasama sa pajama parties nila,” si Tyler.

“Wala kana nga sa GC eh. Angela kicked you out, dude,” Ronan laughed.

Nalaglag ang aking panga.

“Since when?”

“Last week?” si Connor.

“Bumili kana ng phone tapos magbackread ka. Ikaw ang laman ng GC. The girls were making fun of you.” Natatawang si Mavric.

“Magsorry ka, Brent,” Connor insisted.

Umismid ako. “Ako talaga ang pinagbibintangan niyong may kasalanan—

“Dude, we don’t care who’s at fault here. Just apologize. You know better than us. Man up,” si Tyler na akala mo walang inangasan kanina.

Gago. Nabaliktad pa ako. Ako na nga itong na-basted, ako pa ang magsosorry?

Pagdating namin sa classroom nila Shila, dumaan daan kami at tumingin sa bukas na pinto. I immediately saw Shila, who’s a bit serious looking at the front. Noong magkatinginan kami, napakurap siya at bahagyang umayos ang upo.

The body language says it all.

I decided to wait for her while the other boys were peeking at the other classroom too. May mga girls na dumadaan at napapangiti lalo na’t kilala pa kaming varsity player ng school.

Noong nagsilabasan na at nakasandal lamang ako sa gilid ng pinto habang napapatingin ang mga girls sa akin, I smiled back at them.

“Brent,” Shila called.

I stood up straight. Nilingon niya saglit ang iba kong mga kaibigan na dumudungaw sa isang classroom.

“You have another class?” tanong ko.

“Break time ko na. Ikaw?”

“It’s my break time too. Lunch?”

She smiled and nodded.

Lumapit na rin si Mavric. Itinuko niya ang kamay sa aking balikat at tumitingin na kay Shila.

“Where’s your friend?”

Sinamahan ako ni Mavric habang ang ibang boys ay sumisenyas nalang sa amin para sa plano namin mamayang gabi.

It was my old cycle that I was trying to bring back because Shiloh is… used to this.

If I had a girlfriend, how would he feel? I don’t really know how love works. Hindi ko alam kung may ganoon ba sa akin.

But as I said to myself, I am willing to get to know someone so I can understand how a relationship would be.

“Really? Ghibli?” Shila smiled as soon as I told him about my favorite movies.

We’ve been seeing each other for quite some time now. Simula noong pinakilala siya sa akin nila Mavric last month, I started firing my shot. But this time, I am willing to get to know her without involving myself with other girls. I’m willing to get serious.

“Yup. And… you?”

“Hmm… I’m not into those kinds of genres since I’m more into Western movies.”

We won’t vibe. I want something like… that… peacefulness while I’m in Shiloh’s room.

She was talking nonstop now, while I was staring at her glossy lips. She noticed I was now leaning closer, so she stopped talking. I smiled and looked at her.

“Continue…”

“How would I even continue if hmm—”

I laughed and brushed my lips against her. Her glossy lips were so familiar with those pinkish color that as soon as I shoved my tongue in, Shiloh’s face flushed in my mind.

Halos mahila ko palayo ang sarili ko sa kanya. Shila, who was about to kiss back, looked at me confusingly.

“Brent?” tanong niya sa magkasalubong na kilay.

Damn. Damn it! What did I just imagine?

“Are you okay?” Hawak niya sa braso ko.

Tumango ako at tumingin muli sa kanya. “Yes, I’m fine…”

Shila looked at my lips this time. She leaned closer, so I gave it another try. When her glossy lips hit my lips and I moved them to kiss her properly, as soon as I closed my eyes, I immediately saw Shiloh’s face again.

Hinawakan ko agad ang magkabilang braso ni Shila at itinulak siya palayo. Her eyes widened at me. Problemado kong binasa ang aking labi habang mukha na siyang nao-offend.

I can’t do this. I really can’t do this.

“Ihatid mo na nga ako pauwi. I lost my mood,” she said in her cold voice and stood.

Fuck. I messed it up!

Tahimik kaming naglakad pabalik sa kotse ko. We’re at the park since she wanted to stroll, so I agreed too. Ayoko namang dalhin sa hotel dahil sabi ko nga, kikilalanin ko. But damn it… How am I supposed to continue this if every time I kiss her lips, Shiloh’s face pops out? Jesus!

“Shila—”

She slammed the door shut as soon as I parked the car right in front of their gate. Binasa ko ang labi at sinundan siya ng tingin na deri-deritsong pumasok sa kanila.

Nahilamos ko ang mukha ko. Damn, Brent. You’re fucking hopeless. Huwag kana lang maggirlfriend!

My month of talking to her felt like wasted. Akala ko sa isang buwan ay nakakalimutan ko na ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya pero hindi pala. And worse, I was now imagining him while kissing a girl? Damn it.

What am I trying to prove here anyway? That I am still that straight asshole whom Shiloh knew? Ano bang… mapapala ko rito? I was just trying to run away from him.

Tiningnan ko ang screen ng phone ko nang magtext si Shila.

Shila:

They warned me. But I didn’t listen. You don’t know how to love Brent.

It was a slap. I typed a reply.

Ako:

I’m sorry. I am trying to… work on it. I’m just still making progress on learning how this works.

Shila:

Really? When you made me feel earlier that you were thinking of someone else while kissing me?

Namilog ang mga mata ko. No… Damn it.

Shila:

Why are you pursuing me, Brent? Why don’t you pursue her instead?

Ako:

Come out, please. Let’s sort this out.

Shila:

No. I don’t want to look at you. Mababali mo lang ako eh. Who, Brent?

Mariin akong pumikit. I swallowed hard as I slowly licked my lips while thinking about Shiloh. Dumilat lamang ako nang tumunog ulit ang phone ko.

Shila:

Are you trying to imagine her as me?

Ako:

Not at all. I swear to God!

Shila:

You are trying to hide your feelings from someone else. So… Am I more convenient? Why don’t you choose her?

Shila:

I appreciate your effort to know me well. But I could sense you’re sometimes distracted. It’s like you were just forced to do something you really didn’t want to do.

Shila:

Maybe the reason you don’t know how to love at all is because you weren’t showing it to someone you truly wanted to pursue.

Shila:

And that wasn’t me.

Ako:

I’m sorry

Shila:

It’s fine. I think you’re confused. Or you know the answer, but you’re afraid to take a risk. If you want to know how to love, then learn to fight. Cross it. Do not wait for them to fight for you. If you think you deserve them, then fight for them.

Natulala ako. It was like raining arrows, and I just stood there, bracing for all of it to hit me continuously.

It wasn’t because I couldn’t dodge it, but because I accepted it. I was having this major identity crisis because I felt like he would be more comfortable if… I pursue girls instead of focusing on him. If… I am straight to his eyes.

Lalo na’t ayoko nang maulit ang sakit na naaninag ko sa mga mata niya noong gabing iyon. I don’t want to force it.

But the more I tried to prove that I could be serious with girls, the more my buried feelings for him came to the surface. The more it hunts me down.

And it sabotages me. Again.

Naroon pa ako sa labas ng bahay nila nang tumawag si Jade sa akin. Yup. I got a phone two weeks ago. Thank God my mom gave me my funds. She’s a bit worried since she can’t contact me. Sira pa ang laptop ko at baka bukas ako bibili.

Jade:

What’s Shiloh’s surname?

Oo nga ’no? I didn’t know that.

Ako:

I dunno why?

Jade:

Let’s meet. May ipapakita ako

Ako:

What’s that? I’m in Forbes right now. Where are you?

Jade:

Sofitel

Jade:

Come here. I checked in.

I immediately made my way to where she was. She was still at the Restaurant when I met up with her and invited me for lunch, which I declined since I just ate with Shila.

“What is it?” tanong ko.

“Sa room natin pag-usapan,” aniya.

I smirked at her and walked beside her.

“Nagdidate daw kayo ni Shila Tan? It’s quite a rumor circulating all around the Club.”

“Am I that famous?” I laughed.

“You are, Brent. In girls,” she chuckled.

We went to her room. Nagtungo siya sa mga gamit niya at kinuha ang iPad.

“What’s his surname?” she asked.

“What about it?” tanong ko at umupo sa tabi niya habang nakapamulsa sa varsity jacket na suot.

“Hindi ba galing akong Cebu? And… someone recognized Shiloh on the videos since I put it on my dump. Dumaan kasi kayong dalawa sa table namin palabas at nahagip kayo sa camera.”

Kumunot ang noo ko kung anong meron lalo na’t may file siyang binuksan.

“Actually, I am not yet sure if it’s him, but it really looked like him. That’s why I wanted to confirm since… he got viral.”

Viral?

“I mean… not totally viral, but in the school he got into, it was a scandalous event that he got well known for, lalo na’t na kick-out daw siya.” Saka niya pinlay ang isang video.

“This is the private video I recovered. Wala ’yan sa internet at pinasuyo ko lang sa kaibigan ko na hanapin para makita ko. The other video circulating on the internet was when he punched someone.”

She gave me her iPad. It started in a boy’s restroom while he slammed Shiloh against the wall. I froze.

There were almost six men around him as they crowd them. Naka varsity sila at nakaputing t-shirt si Shiloh.

“Oh? Bading ka pala! Tang ina! Nagpapanggap ka pa ha! Kaya ba kahit sa pagligo ay tuwang tuwa ka kasi nakikita mo?”

“Baka kasi gustong makaisa, Ritz?” Halakhak ng kasama nilang lalake.

My face immediately heated. I saw the pain in his face as he tried to shake his hand, but one man pulled him and punched him in the stomach. Shiloh coughed some blood that my eyes widened.

I clicked my neck and clenched my fist. Saang impyerno ba ang mga hayop na ’to?

“Magkano ang ibabayad mo sa amin para matikman lang kami? Tingin mo libre, Shiloh? Sana sinabi mo agad para matagal kana naming pinagbigyan!”

“Kaya nakakapangduda eh. Ang lambot pero nagvavarsity! ’Yun naman pala! Bola namin ang gusto mong hawakan!”

They all laughed like devils as another man pulled him up aggressively.

“P-Please… k-kakaopera ko lang…” he begged.

“Gago ka! Akala mo madadala mo kami sa pagpapaawa mo! Kaibigan kita Shiloh! Pero tang ina! Inahas mo ako!” He grabbed his collar and banged him against the wall aggressively while gripping each side of his neckline.

I could feel my temper exploding. Sa buong buhay ko, ngayon lang halos nasagad ang pasensya ko.

“Bakla ka naman palang gago ka! Ano ’yung lipstick huh?”

“Ritz…” nahihilo niyang tawag at umiling. “Moisturizer ’yon—”

Muli siyang sinuntok hanggang sa bumagsak siya sa sahig. The boys laughed as they shoved the camera into his expression. In his bloodshot eyes and pained face.

Huminga ako nang malalim. I paused it because I couldn’t… continue it. Hindi ko kayang panoorin kahit hindi pa ako nangangalahati sa video.

“Did Shiloh fights back? Kaya siya na kicked-out?” I asked, trying to hold my anger with me.

“It wasn’t taken in that video. But he punched that man in front of the whole class while the professor was teaching. Ang sabi sa akin, he mocked his grandma?”

Napayuko ako sa nakaparte kong hita at nahawakan ang buhok. I could feel my anger like an arson throughout my body. It’s spreading like a wildfire. Na kung nasa harap ko ang mga lalakeng ’yon, makikipagpatayan yata ako.

“And why is he kicked out? How about those boys?” tanong ko sa kontroladong galit na tinig.

“They’re influential, Brent. Ang rinig ko, pinagbintangan daw ng mga boys na nanghihipo si Shiloh sa kanila kaya siya ang mas na kick-out. They were all accusing him as gay. Hindi ko alam kung totoo ba but… he’s feminine right? Is he gay?”

“Is that even important when was the one who was harassed, Jade? Kailangan pa ba natin iyong kumpirmahin dito?” galit kong tanong.

Her pause has told me that she got shocked by my sudden outburst.

“Well… I am just… assuming.”

Parang lumalabas na ang ugat sa ulo ko. I wanted to punch all of those fuckers until they lost either their teeth, or their noses.

They hurt him physically. They were the reason he got those mannerisms! And shit. Is this also the reason why he never touched the boys? Dahil baka akusahan siyang hinihipuan niya, ganoon ba?

Fuck!

My phone rang. I took my phone out and answered it without even thinking straight.

“What?!” I asked, sounding so pissed.

“Brent! Bakit lumipat si Shiloh ng room?! At bakit ka sumisigaw?! Nag-away talaga siguro kayo!” si Sadie sa iritang tinig.

Parang naibsan ang galit ko at napatayo. “What do you mean?”

“Wala na siya sa condo mo! Lumipat na siya sa Makati! Nagpapatulong kasi siya na maghanap ng roommate! May mga nagmemessage na ngayon! Boys and girls!”

What? Naglakad na ako patungo sa pinto. I turned off the call and glanced at Jade.

“We’ll talk again, Jade.”

Jade nodded silently. Sa pagmamadali ko, halos takbuhin ko agad ang parking lot makapasok lang sa driver’s seat.

Malakas ang kalabog ng dibdib ko. Parang hindi ako mapapanatag sa araw na ’to kung hindi ko agad siya nakita. And fuck it! I wanna hug him so bad!

I’ve been distant from him for a month. And he’s been distant as well. I did what he wanted. I stayed on my line. But now that he’s running out of my watch, I couldn’t accept it.

“Sadie. Tell him someone has already agreed to become his roommate. Deposit the payment under your name. I’ll pay you right now.”

“Huh? Sino ang pumayag? Siya nalang ang ipadeposit mo sa bank account ni Shiloh—”

“He wouldn’t accept it if he found out I was his roommate,” putol ko.

“What? Huh? Ikaw? Gago ka ba, Brent? Ano ba kasing away niyo at parang hanggang ngayon ang ilap niyo sa isa’t isa?”

“Just do it! Send me the address right now!” I turned off the call and increased the speed of my car.

Fuck! Now it slowly makes sense to me why he’s distant with the boys during his first day here!

“Gagong mga ’yon!” I slammed my clothes in my duffel bag while the video kept on playing on my mind.

Ni hindi ko kayang saktan, taasan ng boses, o pitikin man lang, tapos gano’n ang makikita ko? Binugbog siya para sa ano, sa walang kwentang rason? Pinagbibintangan nilang bakla?

Sa oras na makita ko sa Maynila ang mga ’yon talagang makakatikim sila sa akin! They were the reason he was traumatized by being surrounded by boys!

Yes, he’s now comfortable with my circles, but seeing that video that said it was the reason why he doesn’t want me to cross the boundary gave me the idea that he might be afraid my friends would do what they did to him right after knowing that…

He’s what… gay? Gago? Dahil lang doon? Was being gay really that bad when they were the worst? They fucking harassed him!

Dala ko pa yata ang matindi kong galit nang nagdrive agad ako sa s-in-end na address ni Sadie. He’s just somewhere in Makati kaya hindi na ako matatagalan pa. Maybe the price was so high that he needed another roommate to lessen it.

Heck, I could pay for it all! And what could be his damn reason for leaving, huh? I gave him the distance. But he… did this?

At tingin niyang papayag akong kung sino sino lang ang makasama niya sa isang room? Now that I know what happened to him? Now that I wanted to protect him?

Sadie:

Sinabi ko na sa kanya na may nahanap ako pero hindi ko sinabi na ikaw. Hinihintay kana niya doon. AT HUWAG MO SIYANG AAWAYIN KUNDI ISUSUMBONG KITA SA BOYS!

The boys were too overprotective of Shiloh. Kahit yata magkamali ’yon, ako pa rin ang sisisihin. They were too fond of him. Now I’m bothered if they found out about the video.

I pulled my duffel bag out of the backseat and hung it on my shoulder as I entered the building. Tiningnan ko muli ang screen ng phone para makita kung anong room number.

I took the elevator and pressed the floor of his room. Mariin akong pumikit habang hinihintay ang pagdating noon sa itaas.

Don’t be an asshole, and don’t confront him unless he tells you, Brent! There’s a fucking reason why he kept it! And… the way he held back that night when he confronted me, I knew he’d been having a hard time telling someone what truly happened back in his school.

Kung… lumuhod ba ako sa gabing iyon at nagmakaawang papasukin niya ako sa buhay niya, hindi ba lumayo ang loob niya sa akin?

And where did my pretentious act lead me while trying to find a girl I could date, huh? Tang ina! Uuwi pa rin pala ako sa kanya!

I got out of the elevator and went to the room where Sadie told me. Tiningnan ko muna ang number para makasiguro saka ako nagdoorbell.

As soon as he opened the door with a friendly demeanor, and our eyes met, his eyes widened.

“Tour me around.” I smiled flatly and walked inside, passing at him.

“Brent? Bakit ka nandito?!” he panicked.

Diretso ang lakad ko at may nakitang bukas na pinto. It must be his room. Doon ako naglakad habang sumusunod siya.

“At kuwarto ko ’yan!” he hissed.

“Even better,” I responded, tossing my duffel bag on the floor.

Chapter 21

Pursue

Shila’s statement awakened something in me. And given the video I saw, I was eager to free him from the trauma.

Hindi niya kailangang matakot ngayon. At kung nahihirapan man siya, I am willing to lend a hand. I am willing to stay even if he doesn’t want me the way I want him.

“Brent!” he called aggressively.

I pulled my t-shirt off and dived into his bed as I hugged the pillow.

“Tumayo ka nga!” sigaw niya at hinila ang paa ko.

No way, Shiloh. I am not leaving you. Awayin mo nalang ako.

Pumikit ako at hinayaan siyang magpapagod na hilain ang paa ko. Nang mairita, naglakad siya sa gilid ko at hinila naman ang braso ko.

I was so heavy that he’s having a hard time pulling me. Dumilat ako at ibinaling ang ulo sa direksyon niya.

“Why did you leave?” I asked.

“P-Papatirahin mo na roon ang girlfriend mo, hindi ba? Kaya nagkusa na akong umalis,” agresibo niyang sabi at umiirap pa.

It’s always his words that confuse me. His words say otherwise to his actions of ignoring me. I guess we both suck at pretending, huh? Ako sa mga kilos at siya naman ay sa lumalabas sa bibig niya.

“I don’t have a girlfriend,” I admitted sincerely.

“Si Shila! ’Yung nursing! Kalat sa Department namin! Naririnig ko na kayo na raw!” He fired with dagger eyes.

Umiling ako. “I am not her boyfriend…”

“S-Sinungaling! Nakikita ko kayong magkasama!” He tried to pull my arm again, but I didn’t budge.

Damn, Shiloh… What’s with the shaky voice? You are not gonna give me these mixed signals when it was you who wanted the distance! It was you who pushed me away!

“But she’s not my girlfriend…” I murmured.

“D-Doon pa rin naman ’yon patungo. Seryoso mo nga eh…” aniya sa namamaos na tinig.

Fuck.

No… You are not doing this to me…

“We ended it earlier…” I convinced more.

Kita ko ang pagkatigil niya. “At bakit?”

I closed my eyes. “Because… I saw your face while kissing her, and… she got offended because I stopped.”

Nanatili akong nakapikit habang malakas na humahataw ang puso ko. He needs to know. I do not want to run away anymore. I do not want to pursue anyone anymore. I’m sick of proving that I am straight. Well, I could still stand as a man for him and protect him. That’s it.

Dahan dahan akong dumilat. He looked so shocked and flushed that I admitted it in front of his face. Umiling siya habang kita ko sa mga mata niya ang kagustuhang maglagay agad ng harang.

I pulled myself up and sat at the edge of the bed as I let him stand in between my parted thighs. Itinulak niya ako ngunit hinawakan ko ang gilid ng baywang niya para mapirmi siya habang nakatingala sa kanya.

“She’s not my girlfriend. Yes… I was planning to know her, but…”

I saw the hope in his weary eyes. Umiling siya at itinutulak ako ngunit determinado akong magpaliwanag.

“But I’m not gonna pursue her anymore. And… she knocked some senses out of me. We decided to… end it.” I smiled weakly.

His eyes widened even more. Isang tulak pa, sinalo ko na ang pulso niya. And because the sleeve of his shirt was rolled up a bit, I caught a glimpse of the familiar bracelet I gave him on his birthday.

Kumunot ang noo ko at hinila lalo ang sleeve ng kanyang damit para mas makumpirma iyon. He panicked as he tried to pull his hand until he pulled his sleeves again, covering it.

The heartbeat in my chest was pounding so hard. I only needed one piece of evidence, and there… there it is. He fixed my bracelet. He… wore it again.

Damn it, Shiloh. You told me to stay on my fucking line, and yet you were giving me reasons to cross it for you! You were pulling me to you!

“H-Hindi naman ito ’yung bigay mo,” he explained while I looked up just to see how guilty he looked.

I rested my hand at the back until my body reclined a bit as I arched my brow.

“Really? Should I check?”

Namilog ang mga mata niya. Umiling siya at parang handa na namang ulitin ang komprontasyon. But this time, I am willing to address it. This time, I knew I could answer it properly.

“Alam mo ba ang pinaggagawa mo, Brent?” he asked.

“Tell me first while you run for the hills as soon as you find out that… I have a girlfriend.”

“D-Dahil ayokong marinig ang mga ungol niyo roon!” He flushed.

“And why did you fix my bracelet?” I fired another card.

“D-Dahil nagagandahan ako. At bigay mo naman ah? May karapatan akong suotin ito!”

I nodded coz that’s true. He has all the rights to wear the things I gave him. And he even has the right to do everything to me that would please him!

“Now… what do you want?” I asked, this time, in a serious tone.

“Anong ibig mong sabihin? Ang gusto ko, kunin mo ’yang gamit mo at bumalik ka sa condo mo!” He pushed me.

Sinalo ko iyon at ipinatong sa aking balikat. He looked so flushed and cornered. Nang lumapat iyon doon, naramdaman kong nanginig siya.

“What do you want, hmm?” I asked in a softer voice as I looked at him with my hopeful eyes.

“Hindi ka pwede dito…” he tried to sound serious.

“What do you want, Shiloh?” I repeated in a more submissive way.

I saw how his expression changed. The sparks in his eyes were now dancing. Tell me the truth, please… Stop hiding in your little facade. I am not them. I will never hurt you.

“Tell me what I needed to change to fit into your standards. So what do you want me to do? Please… tell me…” I uttered carefully.

Nalaglag ang kanyang panga.

“I want to pursue you…” I said persistently.

His eyes widened more. “B-Brent—”

“I’d keep it lowkey if… you aren’t comfortable. But I’ll pursue you.”

I saw how he got scared.

“I’m…” I licked my lips. “I’m… in love with you.”

Suminghap siya at nabawi ang kamay sa balikat ko. Sinalo ko iyong muli at hinawakan. I gritted my teeth when I remembered what they did to him. I gently rubbed my thumb against the back of his hands as I held it.

“I’ve fallen, Shiloh. I know… this… this is too risky… but… I just wanted you to know so you won’t get confused anymore.”

“Brent… lalake ako,” he whispered, as if he were just telling it to push me.

Tumango ako. “I know… I am not asking for your sexuality. I only wanted you to know that… I don’t want you as a friend. And you can… reject me in the process of my pursuance, but I am willing to fire my shot.”

Humingos siya at mas namula ang mga mata. I looked at him wearily.

“And.. I want you to know that… no one can ever lay a finger on you. Because I wouldn’t let them hurt you.”

His eyes went more glassy until a tear escaped. He looked vulnerable now, as if the wound he had tried to bury for a long time had just surfaced because he could no longer bury it.

“No one could touch you while I’m here. No one could ever hurt you. Nor mock you. If ever you’d face a situation where someone is about to hurt you, then always remember that you have me and I will immediately save you. Because… that’s how… I wanted this feeling I have for you to feel like.”

Yumuko siya at nanghina. His shoulders were rocking. Sa sunod sunod na pagtulo ng luha niya, alam ko, naalala niya.

My jaw clenched. The video was a trigger that made me eager to stay by his side, even if he pushes me away. Because I know, deep inside, he just wanted to be held.

“You earned a soldier, Shiloh. No one would ever hurt you while I’m here.”

Inilagay niya ang kamay niya sa mga mata para takpan iyon habang humihikbi. Hawak ko pa rin ang kamay niya na hindi niya na binawi sa akin. O marahil, masyado siyang nanghina na wala na siyang lakas para bawiin iyon.

Tahimik siyang umiyak. As much as I want to pull him to my lap and hug him, he might freak out. So instead, I continued rubbing my thumb at the back of his hand gently to remind him that I would never use violence just to deal with him.

I leaned my head on his stomach gently. I planted a kiss to lessen the physical pain he felt on that day, but I know that won’t take away the scar they gave him, which Shiloh would suffer for a lifetime.

But I also have a lifetime to kiss those scars they left on his body. I won’t get tired of kissing it until it hurts no more, until it fully heals.

Of course. With his consent.

Kumikirot ang dibdib ko. I could sense my eyes stinging. Pumikit ako habang iniisip kung ano pang ginawa nila sa kanya sa sobrang haba ng video na iyon na hindi ko man lang natapos.

And to hear him begging for them to stop, it pains me. There was now a reason why he moved so femininely. It was because he has a fragile body. He mentioned that… he just had his operation.

And… the reason he was holding back all this time, even if his words were telling me he felt the same way, was because he’s afraid the past might just repeat itself.

Pinapasok ko siya sa mundong pamilyar sa kanya. Sa mga lalakeng hindi handa sa sekswalidad ng isang lalake. At natatakot siyang mawala ulit iyon. Natatakot siyang masira ang nahanap niyang tahanan.

“I am not asking for your sexuality. I fell for you as who you are, Shiloh. I don’t care what you are. So don’t even explain.”

Mas lalong tumakas ang hikbi niya. He was holding this back all this time. He was carrying this pain that imprisoned him for a long time until he was pushing people away from him because he was afraid he would be mocked again.

God… If this is the reason why you sent him to me, then I am accepting this. But if this is just a lesson you want me to learn, I will do my best to deserve it.

“F-Five thousand…” he whispered in the middle of sobs.

“Mm?” I looked at him softly.

“Payment… at… sa kabilang kuwarto ka.”

Wow. He was crying, but he really thought of money in the middle of this, huh? Bahagya akong natawa habang humihingos pa siya. This baby is so cute, really…

“Ayaw mo bang umuwi sa akin?” I whispered.“Wala kang babayaran doon.”

He looked like he was thinking. But as soon as he shook his head, I nodded right away.

Fine. Your choice. Ikaw ang masusunod.

My eyes drifted back to his hand. I sighed heavily. It was already on the tip of my tongue, but I don’t want to carelessly ask him about those things.

Hihintayin ko hanggang magkusa siya. Hanggang sa handa na siya. At makikinig ako. Mananatili ako sa tabi niya.

Someone doorbell. Ako mismo ang tumayo. Dahil kung mag-aapply man ’yung roommate, aangasan ko agad. They really think I’d give them the opportunity, huh?

I walked out of the room and went to the door, wearing my aggresive expression. As soon as I opened it and saw the boys with food on their hands, my jaw dropped.

“Sinong nagsabi sa kanya?” Tyler asked, looking at the boys.

What the…

“Where’s Shiloh?” si Connor na sumusungaw agad ang ulo na itinulak ko.

“Anong ginagawa niyo rito?” I folded my arms and leaned against the door to let them see that they couldn’t even enter.

“Tabi, dude! Wala kaming pakialam sa opinyon mo!” si Ronan na natatawang itinulak lalo ang pinto at pumasok.

Gusto ko siyang hilain ngunit sumunod na si Tyler, na sinundan na rin ni Rick at Connor, habang natatawang tinapik ni Mavric ang balikat ko.

“Bilis ah?” Ngisi niya sa akin.

I glanced at the boys, who are now putting the food on the table while they’re all waiting for Shiloh, who’s still in the room. As soon as he went out and I closed the door, the boys heads immediately turned as they looked at me sharply.

“Dude hindi kana nakakatuwa!” si Tyler sa iritang boses.

“Lagi mong inaaway! Pumunta ka pa dito para paiyakin! Gago ka ba, Brent?” si Rick na marahas ang tingin sa akin.

“Hayop ka. Lumabas ka nga rito! Umuwi ka doon sa mga hita ng girlfriend mo!” si Ronan na itinapon pa sa akin ang nadampot na soft pillow.

Nasalo ko ’yon at marahas na itinapon sa kanya pabalik. Nang lumipad iyon, isa isa na silang nagsidampot ng itatapon sa akin hanggang sabay sabay iyong nagliparan sa akin.

“We don’t need an asshole here, Brent,” si Mavric.

“But you’re all here?” I smirked at them.

“Hawakan niyo nga ’yan nang mabugbog natin!” si Rick na naunang lumapit.

They were now coming to me. Tyler just put me in a headlock as they were jokingly punching and slamming their hands against my body.

“Dude alam namin ang atraso mo kay Shiloh! Kaya kayo mailap sa isa’t isa. Purket matangkad ka at malakas…”

“At maliit si Shiloh?”

“Ay gaganonin mo na!”

I groaned when they were really determined to hurt me.

“Pabukas ako ng softdrink,” si Shiloh na biglang nagsalita.

And just like nothing happened, they immediately went to him to lend a hand. These motherfuckers are all whipped by him!

Inayos ko ang nagulong buhok ganoon din ang t-shirt habang nasa lamesa na silang lahat at nakangiting kinakausap si Shiloh.

“Ah… may allergy ako sa alikabok kaya bumahing ako. Doon ko nakuha itong pamumula ng mga mata ko,” paliwanag ni Shiloh.

“And his allergy started as soon as Brent went here. What a coincidence…” si Tyler na nakaangat ang kilay.

“Anong pinapalabas mo rito, Tyler? Na alikabok ako?”

“Shut up, Brent. Nanggigigil talaga ako sa’yo.” Iling ni Ronan.

Lumapit ako sa kanila at binatukan siya. Kumuha ako ng isang slice ng pizza sabay sandal sa sink habang kumakagat na rin si Shiloh sa pizza niya, halos hindi makatingin sa akin. Cute.

“Sinong nagsabi sa’yo, Brent?” si Connor.

“Probably one of the girls,” si Tyler na naglalagay ng sauce sa pizza niya. 

“Baka si Sadie. Sino pa bang alagad ni Brent sa mga girls?” Iling ni Ronan.

“And why am I not included on this?” Masama ko silang tiningnan. “If mom found out he’s not with me, I’d be poor for a year. She’ll freeze my account, and she won’t pay for the funds she spent.”

“Malay ba namin na nagkabati na pala kayo? Hindi kayo nagpapansinan eh,” si Mavric na ngumisi.

“And what? You are all… siding him?”

“May date ka ’di ba ngayon kasama si Shila? Dude, we were now expecting you’re banging her on your condo!” Hagalpak ni Ronan.

Napasulyap ako kay Shiloh na nag-ambang abutin ang softdrink pero tumayo at inabot ni Connor sabay salin sa baso niya habang nasa akin ang atensyon.

“Girlfriend mo na, Brent?”

“May iba akong gusto,” I said bluntly.

Ang pag-ambang sumimsim ni Shiloh ay hindi natuloy lalo na’t nasamid siya. Bumaling saglit sa kanya ang boys at inabutan siya ng tubig ni Mavric ngunit umiling si Shiloh at sinimsim ang softdrink na hawak kaya bumalik ulit ang atensyon nila sa akin.

“Huh? Anong nangyari? Kinikilala mo si Shila ’di ba? Dinala mo agad siguro sa hotel kaya nagsasawa kana naman—”

“Gago ka, Ronan. You think that’s the reason why I want to know her? I haven’t even thought of it while getting to know her.” Irap ko at nailing.

“Edi sino, Brent?” si Tyler na kuryoso.

“Nauubusan ba siya ng gustong babae?” Iling ni Ronan.

“Si Verena na naman?” hula ni Rick.

Umiling ako. “But an artist student.”

“Na naman?” Ngiwi ni Ronan.

Shiloh looked at me for a second, but then he took it away and tried to munch his pizza silently.

I shrugged. “I love artist students. They’re my standard.”

“Sino? Mahiya ka naman kay Verena! Inisa isa mo na ang kaklase no’n!” Hagalpak ni Connor.

“Basta nasa tabi tabi lang,” sabi ko.

The boys were now thinking as Mavric put his arm around Shiloh’s shoulder and put sauce on his pizza.

“Gaano ba kalapit, Brent?” natatawang tanong ni Mavric.

“Si Rowena? Eh nakalandian mo na ’yon, ah?” si Connor.

“Maybe another Trixie?” si Tyler at humagalpak agad.

“That he would mistakenly call Tricia this time while banging her,” si Ronan na humalakhak din.

Nakakaturn-off sa taong gusto ko na kasama lang namin. Shiloh was trying his best not to look at me while the boys were making a fuss about it.

And to think that he personally let them come over him with some food, I could really sense that he has slowly let them invade his personal space.

Are you comfortable with them? Do you like my circle? This is your safe haven, Shiloh. I would vouch for them that they won’t turn their back on you if you finally get the strength to tell us what truly happened. So don’t be afraid. You’re in the right circle… You’re in the right group of friends.

I let him bond with the boys. Natatawa siya habang may kinukwento si Connor sa kanya habang problemado na naman ang hayop. Ginawa ba namang therapist si Shiloh.

He got back with his girlfriend because of Shiloh’s advice. It was like Shiloh is his bestfriend. Sa kanya siya mas nakikinig kaysa sa aming boys. Pagseselosan ko pa ba ’yan kung miserable lagi at hiniwalayan na naman?

Maybe because among us, Shiloh is more close with the girls. He understands them more. And for sure, he could provide more gentle advice, that’s why Connor is more fond of him sharing his problems.

Kung sa amin niya sasabihin, malalasing lang kaming lahat, brokenhearted pa siya. We’re all useless at helping him out in his love life because we really don’t know how relationships work at all.

Naiwan na silang dalawa sa table habang naglilibot ang ibang boys. They weren’t done yet while Connor was seriously talking, unconsciously leaning forward as if he were about to whisper something.

But then he leaned backward when I crouched between them as I reached for another pizza, glancing at Shiloh and arching my brow.

I dragged the chair and occupied it as I rested my hand on the table, pushing it a bit where Shiloh rested his elbow until he leaned backward and moved a bit from talking to Connor.

“Maybe I could help too?” I chuckled and looked at Connor, who got distracted by my sudden appearance.

“At sino ulit ang pinagseselosan sa girls, Con?” sulpot din ni Mavric at itinuko ang kamay sa balikat ni Connor.

“Iinom natin ’yan, Con. I got five thousand here,” si Ronan na inakbayan din si Mavric.

“Inom? I still have two bottles of Johnnie Walker in my condo. Ano? Binyagan natin itong new space ni Shiloh?” si Tyler na sumulpot na rin.

Connor sighed as if he were done with us meddling with his small problem. I glanced at Shiloh and tilted my head.

“Maybe you could help me too…” I said.

“A-Ano?” He looked at me carefully.

“How do I pursue someone I like?” pasimple kong tanong sa nanunuyang ngiti.

Humalakhak si Mavric at binatukan ako. Nagtungo si Rick sa likod ni Shiloh at inakbayan ito habang umiiling.

“Hindi na ’yan masasalba, Shiloh. Huwag kanang mag-aksaya ng oras na tulungan,” ani Rick.

“Mukhang hindi na nga makakaahon. Parang hulog na hulog na ’to,” natatawang si Mavric na itinutulak ko.

“Ang lala mo, Brent. Parang may flavor of the month ka tapos hindi pa minsan nakakaabot ng isang month ang iba!” si Ronan.

These crackheads!

“Ah… baka this time magtatagal, Brent? If you didn’t fuck this up then… you might finally have a… baby?” si Mavric.

“Wala nang babaeng papatol diyan sa sobrang lala niyan,” iling ni Connor.

Right. But the problem here is that I am not gonna pursue a woman this time.

Chapter 22

Hugs

The boys decided to drink here in our new unit instead. Dinala ni Tyler ang inuming sinasabi niya at doon na sila sa sala nagpasyang mag-inuman.

“Join us, Shiloh,” anyaya ni Ronan at tinapik ang upuan sa tabi niya.

Hinila ko ang upuan at doon umupo. I arched my brow and cleared my throat. Si Ronan ay hindi na masyadong itinuon ang pansin doon at naging abala sa paghahanda sa pulutan.

“Dito ka, Shiloh,” si Mavric na tinapik ang gitnang upuan.

Shiloh nodded and went to the chair. Sa harap ay si Tyler, Rick, Connor at sa gilid naman ay naroon si Ronan.

“Do you drink?” tanong ni Mavric nang umupo si Shiloh sa gitna.

I glanced at him. He’s facing Mavric more. Kulang nalang talikuran ako so I rested my head on the top of his chair and tilted my head to see his expression.

“Konti lang,” he answered, while Mavric’s eyes looked at my hand for a while.

“Ayos lang naman na uminom ka, ’di ba? Wala namang magagalit?” Mavric chuckled.

Ngumuso ako. If he wants a drink, then… Tiningnan ako ni Mavric kaya tumikhim ako.

“Sino namang magagalit, Mav?” Angat ng kilay ko.

He shrugged and laughed. Tinapik ni Tyler ang balikat ni Connor at bahagyang natawa kaya napunta roon ang atensyon naming lahat.

“Gago, dude. You messed it up again. One week lang kayong nagkabalikan, hiniwalayan kana naman,” ani Tyler na sinabayan ulit ng halakhak ni Ronan habang sinisinimulan na ang inuman lalo na’t siya ang nagpresintang gunner.

Connor rested his elbows on the table while holding his head. Tumingin siya kay Shiloh at nilingon si Rick sa gilid niya.

“Palit nga kayo ni Shiloh.”

“Kaka advice sa’yo ni Shiloh mapapagod na ’yan. That’s why it’s better if you give her more space, bro… Huwag nang ipilit,” si Rick na inabutan ng shot ni Ronan.

“Ano ba kasing ginawa mo?” I asked, a bit irritated that he’s including Shiloh in his damn problem with his girlfriend.

Connor shook his head and took the shot glass from Rick’s hand when he was about to sip it. Ngumiwi si Rick habang deritso iyong nilagok ni Connor.

“Tingnan niyo ’yan mamaya, gagapang ’yan patungo sa bahay ng girlfriend niya. Luluhod ’yan.” Mavric laughed.

“Kaya huwag kanang magsayang ng laway dito, Shiloh. Irecord mo nalang tapos iparinig mo sa kanya pag hiniwalayan siya ulit. Gago eh,” si Rick na umiling.

Hmm… I think I should record it instead and give it to Connor. I’ll make it as his fucking playlist and play it every time he’s damn brokenhearted so he would stop bugging my little…

“Ikaw Shiloh? Nagkagirlfriend kana ba?” Ronan suddenly asked as soon as he took the shot glass in Connor’s hand.

Tumingin kaming lahat sa kanya. He already told me that he never had a girlfriend. Kaya noong umiling siya, medyo kumalma ako.

“Really, Shiloh?” si Connor na medyo gulat.

Shiloh nodded and smiled a little. I folded my arms while looking at him as he sat straight while resting his elbows on the side of the table. Nakatingin ako sa batok niya habang sa gilid ng mga mata ko, nakikita ko ang pagbaling din ni Mavric sa akin.

“Gwapo ka nga tapos wala kang girlfriend,” si Tyler na nasa harap niya.

“Ang gwapo nga ni Shiloh,” si Mavric na tumatango.

“Maganda rin,” singit ko.

Everyone looked at me, but they all nodded. Shiloh caressed his nape as his face flushed.

“Sikat ka sa Department namin, Shiloh. Maraming babae ang nagkakagusto sa’yo. Ano, irereto kita?” si Mavric na marahas kong nilingon.

“Stop involving him with your dirt, Mav. Ako ang mapapagalitan ni mommy,” I barked.

Sumali pa ang ilang boys na nagpapakita pa ng pictures kay Shiloh. Until they ended up showing their girls and asking him if they were pretty. Every time he would nod and approve, the boys would grin as if they had won a lottery ticket, knowing that they were on the right side of the path for Shiloh’s approval.

“Ikaw Brent… Baka gusto mong ipakita kay Shiloh ’yung nagugustuhan mo,” panghahamon ni Mavric.

I folded my arms and stifled my smile. Shiloh knows. He could watch the mirror if he wanted to check…

Nagkibit lamang ako habang naiiling ang boys, tila pagod na sa bumabaha kong babae taon taon.

As the time passed, we could feel the spirit of the alcohol conquering our senses. Tumayo ni Connor at may tinatawagan. We laughed and started shouting at him.

“Gago bumalik ka dito! Ipapahiya mo pa ang sarili mo!” si Tyler na tinapunan pa siya ng soft pillow sa likuran ngunit patuloy na naglakad si Connor palayo.

“Galingan mo sa baby talk, Con! Lambutan mo para marinig niyang miserable ka at maawa sa’yo,” si Ronan na tawang tawa rin.

“Con! Balikan mo ang babae mo rito—”

“Tumahimik ka, Tyler. Hayaan mong magkabalikan kundi isang buwan tayong lasing,” natatawa kong sipa sa kanya sa ilalim ng mesa.

“Ano ba kasing pinag-aawayan nila? Ang angas nitong si Connor pero tiklop pala sa girlfriend,” naiiling na si Rick.

“Parang si Brent,” singit ni Mavric.

I arched my brow at him.

“And when was that?”

He shrugged as I took the last slice of pizza Shiloh had been eyeing since earlier.

“Hindi pa nakakakain si Connor,” he pointed out, shaking his head.

It’s always Connor…

“Don’t worry, Shiloh. I ordered another three boxes of pizza. Padating na ’yon,” si Tyler na ipinakita ang phone niya.

“Take it. Baka mag-amok na naman ’yang si Brent pag di mo tinanggap. We want a peaceful night here,” halakhak ni Mavric.

Shiloh took it from my hand and munched it lightly. Ronan handed the shot glass to me.

“Kay Shiloh. Ibigay mo,” sabi niya at umabot sa kalahati ang nilagay niya.

“This is too much, Ron. Balak mo bang lasunin,” irita kong sita at sumimsim ng kaonti.

“Sa’yo nalang ’yan, Brent. I’ll just pour him another shot,” si Ronan.

Umiling ako at inilapag na ang natirang shot sa harap ni Shiloh.

“Shiloh!” rinig namin ang tawag ni Connor.

Shiloh stood and walked to where Con was. Kinuha ni Mavric ang shot glass at inambahan iyong inumin kaya binawi ko.

“Gago ininuman ko ’yan.”

“Oh… I was just thinking if you’re still conscious of people drinking from your own glass.” He chuckled and put it back.

Hindi ko iyon pinansin at tumingin sa kusina lalo na’t hindi pa nakakabalik si Shiloh. Nag-amba akong tumayo ngunit pinigilan ako ni Mavric.

“Where are you going?” tanong niya.

“Rest room,” agarang gana ng utak ko.

Binitiwan ako ni Mavric. Tumayo ako at dumeritso sa rest room. Umihi nalang ako para makatotohanan at naghugas ng kamay saka lumabas at sinilip sila Connor at Shiloh sa kitchen.

Shiloh was already holding the phone while Connor was beside him, resting his hands on the side of where Shiloh leaned against the sin, looking at Connor while talking to someone on the phone.

“Con,” I called, and I walked to them.

Connor gestured, dismissing me, and said that it was already under control by Shiloh himself. Still, I walked toward them and pointed at the fridge. Nauuhaw ako tang ina.

Connor let me walk to the fridge as I looked at Shiloh, who was conversing, his eyes drifting to me.

“Oo… wala namang… babae. Puro kami boys,” he confirmed.

Connor nodded, agreeing. I opened the fridge and tried to find some water. I saw a pitcher, so I took it out.

Shiloh handed the phone back to Connor. Nagsasalin na ako ng tubig sa mabagal na paraan habang tumitingin pa rin sa kanila.

“Alright… we’ll talk…” I heard Connor’s soft voice as he sighed, as if he was relieved now.

I handed the water to Shiloh instead as soon as I filled it up. Tumingin siya roon, at muling tumingin sa akin. Noong natagalan siyang kunin, si Connor ang kumuha at ibinigay kay Shiloh habang may kausap pa rin sa cellphone.

Shiloh took it from his hand this time. I pressed the tip of my tongue against my cheek and calmed myself down. Crap.

Dinala ko ang pitsel ng tubig at kumuha pa ng isang baso para sa akin. I should have stayed in my seat…

I was a bit pissed that… he’s neglecting my offer, but I tried to understand it. I confessed, and I told him he could reject me in the process. Tapos ngayon… hindi lang tinanggap ang inalok ko, magagalit ako?

Connor ended the call and smiled at Shiloh as he hugged him.

“Thank you, Shiloh. Hulog ka talaga ng langit,” he chuckled.

I sipped on my drink while my eyes were looking at them. I wanted to pull Connor but he’s just… thankful. Damn it. Pwede namang ako ang yakapin niya? Pag itong si Connor yayakapin ko sa leeg… hindi ’to aabutan ng bukas.

We went back to the table while the boys were talking loudly about our upcoming game. Pinagpapasahan nila ang phone ni Mavric at mukhang may tinitingnan silang picture habang bumabalik na kaming tatlo sa upuan.

“’Yan daw ang makakalaban natin. Taga Cebu. Matatangkad din,” si Ronan.

Shiloh froze. “Taga Cebu?”

Tumango si Rick. “Taga Cebu ka, hindi ba?”

I saw how he swallowed. Ipinakita ni Tyler sa kanya ang phone ni Mavric hanggang sa bumalandra ang picture ng nagtatangkarang varsity players.

“Kilala mo ba ’to? Sila daw ang pinaka kilalang varsity doon eh. Magagaling daw sa court,” si Tyler.

Shiloh stared at the phone while I sensed his controlled panic. Tumingin ako sa picture at naalala ang suot nilang varsity uniform sa video.

That’s…

“Mga…” Shiloh looked so hesitant. “Mga…”

Binawi ko ang phone kay Tyler. They were still looking at Shiloh, waiting for his response.

I zoomed in on some of the faces, and there! The fucking assholes! These were the ones who punched and harassed him!

“Mga nakasama ko noon… sa… varsity…” he tried to answer it.

“You’re friends with them?” si Mavric.

So they will be coming here to Manila huh? And they will be one of the teams we’re gonna face.

Natagalan ng sagot si Shiloh. I saw how he hid his fingers and tapped them on his lap as he tried to steady his breath. I could sense all of it while paying attention.

“When was the game again?” I asked, changing the topic while pouring water into the glass I brought with me.

Naalis lahat ng tingin nila sa kanya.

“Before Christmas,” si Mavric.

I handed it to Shiloh while looking at Mav. “Ilang team?”

Shiloh took the glass of water from my hand as if he needed it so badly that he didn’t hesitate. Naramdaman ko ang bahagyang panginginig ng kanyang kamay nang humaplos sa kamay ko ang daliri niya nang kunin iyon.

“Hmm… Baka lagpas sampo,” si Ronan ang nagpaliwanag.

“Kaso gusto ni coach na mas magfocus tayo sa Cebu. ’Yun ang pinaghahandaan niya eh,” si Rick.

“Then let’s beat them,” seryoso kong sabi.

“Malamang, Brent. Pag natalo tayo sa kanila, hindi tayo makakaadvance sa finals,” si Connor.

“Malalakas daw ’yan,” si Ronan.

I scoffed.

“We’ll beat them,” I said with finality as they all nodded.

Tumayo si Shiloh kaya nilingon namin siyang lahat. Naglakad siya patungong rest room habang hindi maalis ang tingin ko sa kanya.

“Patulugin mo na, Brent. Baka low tolerance sa alak,” si Mavric.

I nodded and stood.

“Hintayin mo na rito! Baka magtalo na naman kayo roon pag sa’yo nanggaling!” iritang si Rick.

I was determined to follow him, but the boys seem like they’re gonna transform into hulks and beat the shit out of me if I leave my seat.

Kaya noong bumalik si Shiloh, sila na ang nagpupumilit sa kanya na matulog. As much as I want him beside me because I don’t want him alone in his room while thinking about those assholes, he might need some space so he could… release it.

“Sige. Mauna na ako,” si Shiloh na tumango at nangingislap ang mga mata.

We watched him go into the room.

“Goodnight, Shiloh,” si Connor.

I arched my brow and looked at Connor, but then Rick and the rest of the boys greeted him too.

Shiloh nodded at us, smiled, and closed the door. Ilang sigundong katahimikan ang namayani hanggang sa tiningnan ako ni Rick.

“Sino ’yang mga taga Cebu?” maangas na tanong ni Rick sa akin.

I shrugged. It wasn’t my story to tell. Fuck it!

“Pansin ko ’yon ah? Kilala niya ba ’yon? Mukha siyang nakakita ng multo,” si Rick.

Ronan was about to hand the shot glass to Mavric, but I took it and drank it in one gulp. Nailing si Mavric at tumingin muli sa pinto ng pinasukang kuwarto ni Shiloh.

“Lasing ka lang, Rick,” natatawang sabi ni Mavric.

“Tss. Alam ko ang pinagdadaanan ni Shiloh. Tampulan siya ng tukso at pinagbibintangang bakla.”

“Hindi bakla si Shiloh, gago ka!” si Ronan na binatukan siya.

“Hindi nga!”

“But what if, Rick?” si Mav.

Rick’s expression hardened. Hindi agad siya nakasagot. Sinamaan siya ng tingin ni Tyler.

“Nakikita mo ’to, Rick?” Ipinakita ni Tyler ang kamao niya. “Ito ang hahalikan mo pag dinamay mo si Shiloh.”

“Ito Tyler, nakikita mo?” si Rick na ipinakita ang gitnang daliri niya.

Humagalpak kami.

“Magkakagulo tayo Rick. Subukan mo,” banta ko at ngumisi.

Mavric smirked while we were all looking at Rick who looked so serious.

“Ayoko sa bakla pero gusto ko si Shiloh. Kahit malambot ’yan, alam kong straight siya. Close kami mga hayop kayo,” matigas niyang sabi.

“Rick, what if I’m gay?” si Mavric ang natatawang nagsalita.

“Lumayo ka sa’kin, Mav. Wawasakin ko talaga ang mukha mo,” banta ni Rick.

“Ano nga ulit ang ginawa sa’yo, Rick?” si Ronan.

“Minulestya ako. Hayop na ’yon,” si Rick na nandilim ang mukha.

I bowed my head for a bit and licked my lower lip. I could sense how he sounded so traumatized by what had happened to him.

He was a victim, too. And… he might not have experienced what Shiloh has experienced, but I realized they’re both scarred. Shiloh from the boys. And Rick from a gay.

But they’re close now. I wonder what… Rick would react if…

Damn it.

“Not all gays are like your pepetrators, Rick,” si Mavric.

“Pero salot talaga sila, Mav. Wala akong pakialam. Hayok sila sa lalake. Mga putang-ina.” He clenched his jaw.

He’s drunk. It was his inner self that’s been scarred talking. Alam kong wala siyang pakikinggan ngayon dahil mabigat din sa kanya ang nangyari.

“Where’s that gay now?” si Tyler.

“Ewan ko. Hinahanap ko nga. Ibabaon ko pa sa lupa nang buhay ’yon,” he said aggressively.

“Ilang taon ka nga lang no’n?” si Connor.

“Kinse.”

I gulped another shot. He’s already twenty-one now, and yet he hasn’t healed from that traumatizing past.

“Sirang sira ang mukha no’n. Binalikan ni Rick noong nineteen na siya at binugbog niya,” natatawang si Tyler.

“Bugbog ka rin kay Kael pag nalaman no’n na ikaw pala ang nasa likod ni Verena,” si Mavric na humagalpak.

And just like that, the heavy air of our topic vanished, as we were now laughing as soon as we remembered Kael.

Naubos ang dalang inumin ni Tyler. Connor passed out, and Mavric helped me carry him, tossing him on the bed at the top of Tyler and Ronan who groaned.

Mavric laughed as I smirked, and we did a high five. Lumabas kaming muli at si Rick naman ang binuhat na nakatulog sa sofa.

Just like what we did to Connor, we toss him too. Humagalpak kaming dalawa nang umungol sa sakit si Connor at itinulak si Rick na nahulog agad sa gilid niya.

“Sa sofa na ako matutulog. Ikaw, Brent?” He smirked and shot his brows up.

“Sa kabila na. Siksikan na rito,” sabi ko.

“How about here on the floor?”

“Gago. Magkaka pulmunya pa ako sa lamig ng tiles,” natatawa kong iling habang lumalabas kaming dalawa.

“Dito sa sofa?”

“At saan ako, Mavric? Sa itaas mo? Tang ina ka.”

Mavric laughed and looked at Shiloh’s room.

“Malaki ba ang kama no’n? Kasya naman siguro tayong tatlo.”

Umiling ako. “Maliit. Pang dalawahan lang…” sabi ko habang naglalakad patungo sa shower.

“Maliligo ka pa?” tanong niya habang umuupo na sa sofa.

“Oo. Amoy alak ako. Baka may magwala at palabasin ako,” I laughed.

Mavric nodded and laughed as he started lying down on the sofa. Noong wala na siyang sinabi, pumasok na ako at nagmadaling naligo. I’m quite dizzy, but I can still manage.

I went in and didn’t open the light since I could still see the room. Nasa kama siya at nakatalukbong ng kumot. Tahimik akong naglakad sa duffel bag ko at kumuha ng maisusuot.

I changed into a white t-shirt and sweatpants. Malamig ang loob dahil naka on ang aircon. His bed is quite big since it’s king-size. Kasya pa ang dalawa doon pero mas pinili kong buksan ang aparador at naghanap ng beddings para sa sahig nalang humiga.

I took one of the pillows off his bed slowly, making sure that my movement wouldn’t disturb him.

Noong makitang hindi naman gumalaw, saka ko inilapag ang unan sa sahig at humiga na roon.

I felt the coldness of the floor, and I don’t have a blanket either. Magiging si Jack pa yata ako sa sobrang lamig! What’s this? Part two of Titanic? Tang inang pagmamahal ’to. Sana pala noong unang araw na dumating itong si Shiloh sa condo ko pinalayas ko agad. Hindi sana ako ngayon nagtitiis sa lamig ng sahig!

But this is fine. Kung tatabi ako sa kanya, baka malamig na bangkay ang aabutin ko bukas dahil sa gulat niya.

I laid against my stomach and hugged the pillow while facing his side, looking at him wrapped in a blanket like a cinnamon roll.

I’m suddenly worried. He’s close to Rick, who’s scarred by… gays. Hindi ko alam kung saan ang mas inaalala ko kung tutuusin, ako naman itong totoong may gustong lalake.

But I’m worried for Shiloh more. I can handle Rick. But I’m not ready for Shiloh’s begging to be heard. Begging to be acknowledged, at least, if they found out about that video.

As long as I’m here, I know I can cage him from the judgements. But I know he would get hurt knowing he’s close to them, especially to Rick.

Gumalaw siya na medyo ikinagulat ko at gising pa pala. He slowly glanced at me until our eyes met in the darkness. His eyes widened, and he pulled himself back.

I closed my eyes and smiled a little. Cute.

“Malamig diyan,” rinig ko ang namamaos niyang tinig.

“It’s fine. You might be uncomfortable if… I join you there.”

“Ayos lang,” bulong niya.

I pressed my lips against each other. Damn, Brent. If you mess it up, you’ll be thrown out! And you’re gonna lose your chance! So straight the fuck up and do anything that would freak him out!

“I’m… drunk,” I explained.

“It’s better if I’m here. And the boys might come here early while we’re still asleep. They might freak out if they saw me hugging you?” I chuckled.

“Malikot ka raw matulog. Nangyayakap,” he pointed out.

“How did you know that?” Kumunot ang noo ko.

“Narinig ko noong nasa Boracay tayo at nag-uusap kayo. Kayo ni Tyler…”

Oh… So he heard some of our topics at that time.

“Yup. Malikot kaming dalawa. But Tyler is the worst. Magugulat ka nalang nasa mukha mo na ang paa niya habang yakap niya ang hita mo.”

I heard his little laugh. Binasa ko ang labi at bahagya ding natawa. Shit. The floor is really cold. But I can’t just drastically toss myself on his bed knowing that… I already confessed. He knows. And he might… not be comfortable now.

“I know I confessed, but don’t worry, I know my limits… I won’t cross them unless… I have your consent,” I whispered.

“Kaya nga dito ka sa kama. Malamig diyan.”

That’s it.

I stood and took my pillow with me as I put it beside him. I used the comforter as my own. Umusog siya ng kaonti at mas binigyan ako ng espasyo.

Nakatalikod pa rin siya noong humiga ako. I sighed and just folded my arms while staring at the ceiling.

I could smell him. It was his scent that was addicting. Thank fucking god I took a shower. I might smell like alcohol and cigarettes, while he smells so fresh.

“Do you know them?” maingat kong tanong.

“Ah… Oo. Noon. Pero hindi na kami close ngayon.”

“Friends?”

“Oo. C-Close ko noon…”

Damn it. Those fuckers!

I shut my mouth since I don’t know what I would spout if I continued asking. It’s already at the tip of my tongue, but I just swallowed it back.

Tumalikod ako at pumikit na lamang. Right. No hugs for you, Brent. Just sleep and don’t even move. Don’t upset the baby.

Chapter 23

Territory

I woke up early in the morning to at least cook breakfast. I went outside early, jogged at least while wearing my white Nike jacket and black jogging pants while listening to music with my earphones, as I went to the nearest store so I could buy some bacon, eggs, and ham.

I wonder if he likes salad? Pansin ko naman sa kinakain niya, minsan kung ano ang binibigay ng girls ay iyon din ang hilig niya.

He might like a tuna sandwich? Hmm… I should try. If he didn’t like it, then at least I could immediately find another snack for him.

Hindi na ako nagkotse pa para makapagjogging din para kondisyon mamaya sa practice. Alam kong mamayang alas dyez pa magigising ang mga boys sa dami ba namang ininom kagabi. Mavric has a high tolerance like me, but he doesn’t really wake up early.

Ako rin naman. But this is quite different.

As soon as I went back, I immediately started cooking in the kitchen. I also prepared coffee for him. Kinagat ko ang na tossed kong isang loaf ng tinapay at binaliktad ang bacon.

I heard the slow creak of the door. Lumingon ako at nakitang nakatayo roon si Shiloh. I smiled.

“Morning…”

He rubbed his eyes and looked at Mavric on the sofa. Psh. He didn’t greet me back.

Inilagay ko sa plato ang nalutong mga bacon at hinila rin ang upuan para sa kanya.

“Come here. Have some coffee. I’m not yet done cooking,” sabi ko.

Tahimik na naglakad si Shiloh habang naniningkit pa ang mga mata at buhaghag ang buhok. Hindi nag-aalburoto at hindi pa yata gising ang bulkan kaya agaran kong pinagtimpla ng kape para naman wala nang panahon mag-inarte.

“With cream or…”

He nodded and yawned. I smiled at him and poured a little cream on his coffee. He really likes sweets. Imagine it, Shiloh? You consume too much sugar, and yet you’re still cold to me. Mas maalat ka pa sa asin minsan.

I placed the mug in front of him and also placed the small plate with the tuna sandwich I made earlier.

“Try it. Then tell me if you like so I can experiment again tomorrow…”

Tumingin siya sa sandwich na ginawa ko. Hindi ko alam kung antok pa ba ’to lalo na’t natulala na roon. What time is it, by the way? I woke up at five. Maybe it’s still six?

After frying the eggs for sunny side up, I also put the ham on and glanced at Shiloh, who’s now sipping the coffee.

Umiling ako sa sarili at ganadong nagluto. I wasn’t an eater early in the morning since bread and eggs were enough for me, but I don’t want him to adopt this kind of set-up, so I wanted a heavy meal for him that involved rice to start his day.

Inilagay ko lahat sa table ang mga niluto ko. He looked stunned while looking at each one of them while munching his sandwich.

“You like it?” tanong ko.

He nodded. “Masarap…”

Ngumuso ako. Oh damn it… He approved!

I was about to occupy the seat beside him when he looked at me.

“Gisingin mo sila.”

“They can have breakfast later. I cooked this for you.”

“Madami ito. At… baka gutom na sila.”

Basang basa ko talaga ang target niya. He probably cares about Connor. I sighed and stood. Nahuli ko si Mavric sa sofa na dumidilat na at tumatayo sa sofa.

“Breakfast, Mav,” sabi ko at naglakad na rin sa kabilang kuwarto.

They were like sardines in one bed. Nasa sahig na si Tyler at mukhang alam ko na kung bakit. The boys probably decided to separate him for sleeping too.

“Hey fuckers.” Dampot ko sa unan at hinampas iyon sa mukha ni Connor.

Inalog ko ang mga paa ni Tyler at Ronan ngunit sinipa lang ang kamay ko. Inalog ko rin si Tyler sa sahig gamit ang paa ko pero umungol lang at sumiksik sa gilid ng kama.

I looked at Connor again. Gagong ’to. I slapped his cheek. One tap, and he didn’t wake up, so I slapped it hard again. He groaned painfully and flipped his face to the other side to avoid it. At least I tried. ’Yun na ’yon. Ayaw nilang gumising.

Lumabas agad ako at bumalik sa table. Naroon na si Mavric at gumagawa ng kape habang nakatingin sa pagkain.

“Mamaya na sila. Ayaw gumising. Titirahan nalang,” sabi ko at bumalik sa gilid ni Shiloh para doon pumwesto.

“Nagluto ka, Brent?” tanong ni Mavric.

“Sino pa ba, Mav? Unless you have the talent to cook while sleeping?” Angat ko sa aking kilay at kumuha ng makakain.

He sipped on his coffee while standing at the side of the table, watching us.

“Kain, Maverick,” anyaya ni Shiloh.

Maverick. He called him… on his real fucking name.

Mavric smiled. “Later baby.”

Halos maubo ako sa isinubong bacon at sumabit pa yata sa lalamunan ko, hindi nadulas nang maayos dahil sa putang inang tinawag ni Mavric sa kanya.

Mavric laughed and gave his coffee to me. Nagsalin ako ng sariling tubig habang nanunuya ang ngisi ni Mavric sa akin.

“What baby?” I asked, a bit pissed.

“Nickname ko kay Shiloh. ’Di ba?” si Mavric na tiningnan si Shiloh.

Tumango si Shiloh. Sumimsim si Mavric at mapaglaro na ang titig sa akin. Parang nagkakasalisihan pa yata rito. Hindi yata si Connor ang dapat bantayan ko kundi itong hayop na ’to.

“Baby? So corny. Anong tingin mo dito, sanggol?” I glanced at Shiloh, who was munching his food, his cheeks were moving while munching it, still sleepy.

He looked like a baby, but he’s no one’s baby! Tang inang si Mavric.

“What’s the fuss, Brent? Hindi nga nagagalit si Shiloh, tapos ikaw, galit. Do you want me to call you baby too, dude?” he laughed.

“Shiloh ang pangalan niya. Hindi baby,” I hissed.

“Yup. I know. Shiloh Ching Escarra. Or just Shiloh Escarra since Ching is his middle name…”

I froze a bit. Even his full name? Mavric knows his full name? I looked at my food as I slowly munched it.

“Why? You don’t know, Brent?” bahagyang natawa si Mavric habang tinitingnan ako.

I shook his head, poured myself some water, and gulped it down.

“We’re not really that close.” I smirked.

Medyo napapawi ang ngiti ni Mavric ngunit tumango siya ng marahan. Tumingin siya kay Shiloh habang patuloy akong kumain.

I didn’t know, but maybe in those moments that I was avoiding him, the boys were eager to know Shiloh. Kaya siguro mas marami silang alam. But… he doesn’t share anything with me. And I didn’t know he was this open to the other boys.

“Chichi nga tawag sa kanya minsan ni Rick. They have some sort of nicknames…” Mavric continued.

Lumingon si Shiloh sa akin habang tumatango ako. He was munching his food slowly as I tried to keep my cool.

What’s the fuss, anyway? He doesn’t like me invading his privacy, which is why I kept my distance. Hindi ko na rin inalam lalo na’t pakiramdam ko, may malisya pag masyado akong kuryoso.

This kind of emotion felt like I wanted to pack my things and hike to the top of the mountain by myself and live in the tent alone while watching the smoke conquer the forest, just to get away from something I did not want to see at the moment.

Walang signal doon kaya hindi ako magkakandarapang bumaba ng bundok makarating agad sa tabi niya.

Well, I might overthink and still pack my things back and run to him afterwards. Jesus. What kind of feeling is this?

Hindi nga ako nag girlfriend kasi madrama, tapos ako ngayon ang sobrang madrama? Man… Am I the drama all this time?

Gagong realization ’to.

Thankfully, Mavric insisted on the boys hitting the gym, which is why they all left at noon. Naiwan kaming dalawa ni Shiloh. Nagpresinta akong maghugas ngunit masyadong tumutunog ang mga plato na pakiramdam ko tuloy mababasag iyon ano mang oras. Hindi ako nagdadabog. It’s just that I’m quite strong.

“Ako na diyan,” si Shiloh na biglang sumulpot sa gilid ko habang inirorolyo ang sleeves ng kanyang suot para palitan ako.

“Ako na. Kaya ko,” I said in my usual voice, but it sounded so cold.

“Mukha mo nang babasagin. Kakalipat ko pa lang baka mapalayas agad ako dahil sa’yo,” he hissed.

Hindi ko siya pinakinggan. The plates were banging loudly while I washed them with dishwashing liquid.

“Pag nabasag mo ’yan,” banta niya.

My movement slowed down. But when I heard Mavric’s annoying voice in my mind, I started getting aggressive again. Sa iritasyon ni Shiloh na hindi ko siya pinakinggan, kinuha niya sa akin ang sponge ganoon din ang plato.

“Ako na,” giit niya at sinamaan ako ng tingin.

He’s always harsh and cold to me. But he’s extra friendly to the boys. And open to them. May mga nickname pa. Baka sa susunod nito magulat nalang ako may sarili silang GC na hindi na naman ako kasali.

“So what’s your nickname for Mavric?” I asked, trying to sound normal, but heck, my throat was making it sound like a broken word!

“Maverick lang. ’Yun naman ang pangalan niya,” aniya habang nasa hinuhugasan ang tingin.

“And he calls you baby. You’re fine with that?” I arched my brow.

It’s not with me.

“Shishi nga ang tawag ni Tyler sa akin. Parehas lang naman ang lahat ng ’yon.”

Even Tyler? That fucker? What kind of betrayal is this? All this time… it wasn’t just Connor! Ah… I didn’t know I had more punching bags.

I nodded and folded my arms. It’s just a nickname. But damn it. That baby sounds different from the rest of the nicknames they gave him! Akin dapat ’yan! Tang inang Mavric.

“I don’t know your full name,” I whispered, sounding like the most miserable man.

“Hindi ka naman nagtanong,” aniya habang nanatili ang tingin sa hinuhugasang plato.

I leaned against the sink, my eyes watching his expression as I folded my arms.

“You hate it when I invade your privacy.”

“Hindi ka nagtatanong,” ulit niya, na iyon lamang ang masasabi niya.

Psh. What’s the big deal anyway. Ah… I should just shower first. I don’t like this feeling. It’s suffocating.

“I’ll just shower,” paalam ko sa seryosong tinig at umalis doon nang magsalita siya.

“Brent Matthew Jarsdel,” he uttered carefully.

Hold up.

Tumikhim ako at bumalik sa kinatatayuan ko kanina. I folded my arms again as I leaned against the sink, and watched him calmly.

“You have a nickname for me?” I asked in a hopeful voice.

“Binanggit ko lang. ’Yan ’di ba ang pangalan mo?”

Wow. He knows. How did he even find out? He searched? Does he… silently likes me?

Tumango ako. “Yup. And you have a nickname for me?”

Umismid siya sa akin.

“Brent na,” at parang napipilitan pa.

Tumango ako at muling umalis doon. Ain’t important. I’m not that desperate to beg for a nickname—

“Brent.” Muli niyang tawag.

I walked back to the sink and leaned against it again, looking at him with full hope that he might at least… have some nicknames for me.

“Mmm?”

“’Yung banyo parang may ipis kahapon. Pakicheck ako kung meron pa ba.”

Cold. Hearted. Shiloh.

This fucker is colder than ice. He would pass the North Pole because he doesn’t give a damn about me!

Well damn it, giving a nickname to someone is corny, anyway! Baby, my ass. Shi-shi? Chichi? Psh! How childish.

At ayoko ring matawag nang kahit ano. Brent is fine. It’s my name. Why would he call me by a corny name?

It lingered on my mind for some days, but I didn’t let it stop me from pursuing him. But I’m still making a fuss about it in my head.

Ako:

Where do you want to eat for lunch?

Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi nang makita ang mga text ko sa itaas. He didn’t reply. Hindi ko rin alam kung nabasa niya. He’s an Android user, which is why I can’t activate my imessage in our conversation. Edi mas makikita ko sana kung sinasadya niyang dedmahin.

“Tara Brent. Samahan mo ako,” si Mavric na tinapik ang balikat ko.

“Where?”

“Sa cafeteria lang…” aniya at inakbayan na ako habang naglalakad kami patungo doon.

I slipped my phone inside my pants. Noong makarating doon at nakita kong papunta kami sa table nila Chloe, ang kaibigan ni Shila na naroon din, halos kumunot ang noo ko.

“Ayaw kasing mag-isa ni Chloe. Gusto niya nandiyan si Shila. And Shila might get bored, so…” he smirked and tapped my shoulder.

Siniko ko siya. “Gago ka. May pinopormahan ako.”

“You’re just gonna sit. Chill. I didn’t say court her.” He laughed.

Nailing ako at wala nang nagawa lalo na’t desidido rin si Mavric. Noong makita ako ni Shila, medyo nagulat siya. I smiled a little and took a seat beside her.

“Brent…” she called.

I smiled. “Hey…”

Chloe and Mavric were now conversing. I rested my hand on the table while my frame was facing Shila a bit, hesitant about what to say.

“About the…” I started my words.

Umiling agad si Shila. “No need, Brent. We already cleared things up.”

Tumango ako at binasa ang labi. Another group of students entered, at sa ingay na nangingibabaw na tinig ni Sadie, I knew it was the girls.

Tumingin ako doon, saktong nakita si Shiloh na kasama nila. My shoulder loosened as soon as his eyes shifted to Shila.

Fuck. I’m dead.

Mabilis ang pagtayo ko. I swear to God, I am not doing anything wrong here! Mavric just pulled me to the table and wanted company!

“Brent?” si Mavric na lumingon.

“Sa girls lang ako…” I pointed at their table and looked at Shila as well.

Mavric glanced at the table until his expression calmed down. Tumingin sa akin si Chloe, irita.

“Gago talaga,” I heard her whispered.

Deritso na ang lakad ko doon nang makita kong ang nag-aambang umupo na si Shiloh ay tumayo at kinuha ang lalagyan niya ng tubig.

“Lalagyan ko lang ng tubig…”

The girls wanted to come with him, but as soon as they saw me following him, they let me instead.

Nag jog ako para lang maabutan agad siya at lumebel sa kanya. Hinaplos ko ang siko niya, ngunit galit nga yata dahil iniwas niya iyon at binilisan ang paglalakad.

Kabado ako at namumutla. I feel like I would lose my chance right then.

“S-Sinamahan ko lang si Mavric. Pinopormahan niya ’yung kaibigan ni Shila.”

“Sinong nagtatanong?” he answered coldly.

“I’m just explaining…”

“Bakit?” Lumingon siya sa akin, kung pwedeng tumakbo ito sa bilis ng paglalakad, ginawa niya na siguro makaiwas lang agad.

“I’m courting you. I already told you about it the other day. Unless you’ve forgotten?” I tilted my head and smiled.

Namula siya at ibinalik ang tingin sa harap. I took his tumbler from his hand to at least carry it in a gentle way. Binitiwan niya naman kaya medyo gumaan ang pakiramdam ko.

“Let’s go somewhere? It’s lunch…”

“Bakit? Hindi ka pa ba nakikipaglunch doon?”

I licked my lips. “I’m waiting for your reply so we can have lunch together…”

“Si Shila pala?” He arched his brow.

“Mavric just dragged me there… wala akong ginagawa at bigla niya akong hinila kaya…”

“Siya nalang ang ligawan mo. Mas bagay kayo.” Saka niya inambahang kunin sa akin ang tumbler niya.

Fuck. He’s really pissed.

My stomach was churning, knowing that he was insinuating something. Mahirap na ngang makabati ang isang ’to, ginagalit ko pa. And the frustrating part about this is that I cannot tame him so easily.

“Sa labas na tayo kumain,” I insisted, taking the lead.

“Hindi na. Busog ako.” Nag-amba siyang dumaan sa kabila kaya hinila ko ang baywang niya.

Namilog ang mga mata ni Shiloh.

“Parking lot…” I said, taking my hand out of his waist smoothly.

He looked so flush that he continued walking beside me absentmindedly. Uminit ang batok ko kaya hinaplos ko iyon.

“School ito!” he hissed in a low tone.

Namilog ang mga mata ko nang lingunin siya. “So… if… we aren’t in school…”

Tila ba natauhan din siya. Oh fuck. Am I allowed to touch him?!

Sa sobrang gulat niya, hindi siya nakapagsalita hanggang sa parking lot.

I opened the front seat of my car. He slipped himself in. Nagjog agad ako patungo sa driver’s seat at binuksan agad ang pinto.

He doesn’t mind courting him and touching him, as long as it’s not done in school. Fuck.

My head was spinning while driving. I couldn’t take it out of my mind. I am allowed to touch him? Really?

If he likes it, I will grab his waist from time to time…until he permits me to put him on my lap. Damn… damn it. It electrified my body that I could not wait for him to let me hold his hand much longer too.

Fine… I’m healed. I’m allowing the boys to call him nicknames, or even what Mavric was calling him. But this, the touching, is mine! If they grab him by his waist, I won’t let it! I’ll snap their necks!

“I hope that’s my only territory,” I murmured.

“Ang alin?”

I looked at his waist again. “That…”

“Ang alin?” He leered at me.

Oh… what is he thinking?

“Your waist, Shiloh,” I clarified.

He calmed down. He didn’t react, instead, he glanced outside.

“Basta hindi sa school…” rinig ko ang bulong niya.

I swallowed hard and nodded.

I’m taking my words back. He’s warm. He’s not cold. Whew. Thank God, he comforted me. I thought I’d spent a day in the mountains for that fucking nickname I’ve been making a fuss about just to comfort myself.

Damn Brent… You got his consent to hold him. Ngumisi ako at binasa ang pang-ibabang labi sabay pinaharurot ang kotse.

Chapter 24

Hard

“Where do you want to eat?” I asked, this time, a bit confident to converse with him.

“Sa unit nalang total wala na akong subject. Ikaw?”

Umiling ako. “Last na ’yon. Akala ko may klase ka pa. You didn’t reply.”

“Wala akong load.”

Oh…

I opened my phone and clicked on an app so I could give him a load good for a month. Ilang sandali lang, tumunog na ang phone niya.

“We’ll text.”

Tiningnan niya iyon at tumango. Shit. He really approves of it.

“Sa condo nalang tayo. Magluto ka,” he said while manipulating his phone.

He wasn’t comfortable eating outside? Or… he wanted to see me cooking? But still, I nodded.

Sunod sunod na ang text sa akin ng mga boys, pinaghahanap ako. Shiloh was now texting too.

“May swimming party daw mamaya kila Angela,” aniya. “Advance birthday celebration niya daw.”

I nodded again. I know about that since the girls were so loud about it talking about games and bikinis.

“Pupunta ka?” tanong ko.

Tumango agad siya. I could sense that he looked excited. Ngumuso ako. I really need to calm my shit every time we’re in public places so I won’t ruin his mood. Nasira ko pa naman ’yung birthday niya…

Pagdating sa condo, ang agad kong inasikaso ay makapagluto. He changed his clothes while I didn’t waste my time since he might be starving now.

Ang nakalapag kong phone sa sink ay nagbeep. Tumingin ako sa screen at nakitang nakabalandra ang text ni Shila roon.

Shila:

Nasa circles mo lang?

She noticed? Sabagay… nagmamadali ako kanina. I wiped my hand on the white towel and typed a reply.

Ako:

Yup

Lumabas ang ulo ni Shiloh sa kwuarto niya at sumilip sa table.

“Oh shit. Sorry…” agap ko at mabilis na inilapag pabalik ang phone at binaliktad ang niluluto ko.

Lumapit siya at kuryosong tumingin sa ginagawa ko. He was near me while his hands were behind him, his eyes looking at the buttered chicken.

My phone beeped. At dahil nasa gilid lang iyon, sabay na bumaling ang ulo namin.

Shila’s name popped out. Natigilan ako.

Shila:

Knew it hahahaha

“She’s just trying to confirm something,” agap ko.

“Nagtetext pa rin kayo?” Maingat ang pagkakatanong niya.

Umiling agad ako. “Huli na ’yung…”

“Pero nagtext siya,” agap niya, tila ba nahuli niya akong nagsisinungaling.

“She just…” I licked my lower lip. Damn it.

Tumango siya at nag-aamba nang umalis. Not so fast…

I grabbed his waist until he came back and leaned against the sink, his eyes widening a bit. Kinuha ko ang aking phone at itinipa ang aking password. I clicked Shila’s text and showed him our convo.

“Our last text were during… those days… I didn’t… told you about my feelings yet. Pero noong sinabi kong popormahan kita, hindi na ako nakikipagtext sa iba. Here. I just replied at her text because I felt like she’s just asking about the person I like…”

Tumingin ang mga mata niya sa phone ko. Ngunit sa halip na tingnan ang reply ko, umangat pa ang tingin niya sa huli naming text ni Jessie.

Tiningnan ko rin iyon. My eyes widened when I saw the last text I sent. Nabasa niya pa yata ’yung kalahati.

Tumango siya at itinulak na iyon palayo sa akin. Tang inang buhay ’to. Kung kailan pumuporma, saka pumapalpak at lumalabas lahat ng baho ko sa nakaraan.

“Heavenly pala…” panunuya niya.

It was the text I sent to Shila about her lips since she’s quite insecure about them, so I boosted it by saying her lips looked heavenly. Coz instead of saying kissable, she might think I am just saying it to have a taste of it, but who am I kidding? It crossed my mind, but I chose a decent and accurate compliment for her pouty lips.

Hindi ko alam kung mailulusot ko pa ba. At ayoko namang magdahilan since I meant what I said to Shila. But that was already in the past before… I clarified my feelings for him.

Nag-amba ulit siyang umalis kaya hinila ko sa baywang. My chest was pounding so hard, I was a bit nervous that he might take it away because he’s pissed, as my other hand checked the chicken I was cooking.

“Nag-uusap tayo. Huwag kang umaalis,” I said and glanced at him again.

To still him, I kept my hand at the side of his waist so that I could feel his thin body. Nakahalukipkip siya, tahimik na pinapanood ang pagluluto ko.

“I won’t response to her anymore…”

“Pwede naman text mate kayo. Ikaw ang bahala.” He shrugged.

“And then you’d treat me coldly?” I chuckled.

“Wala naman akong pakialam.”

“Hindi ka magtatanong kung wala kang pakialam.”

“Nakita ko eh.” He shrugged coldly.

“That’s why I’m explaining so you would have a clear understanding of what you saw. There’s more to it than what you see, you know…”

Kinuha ko ang strainer at doon inilagay ang natapos kong prituhing buttered chicken. My other hand fits perfectly on the side of his waist, so I didn’t want to take it back, but he might be very hungry now if I delayed this. Kailangan ko pang gumawa ng sauce.

“I’ll take my hand to make some sauce,” paalam ko.

Medyo nagulat siya, namula, at dahan dahang tumingin. Ngumisi ako at naiiling na binasa ang labi.

“H-Hindi ko namalayan. Hindi ko naman naramdaman na nasa baywang ko pala.” Saka siya nagmartsa patungo sa table.

I laughed. He likes it. My hand. He likes it.

My mood lightened while I placed all of the food I cooked for him. Dapat pala kunin ko kay Mommy ’yung ingredients niya sa ibang pagkain para marami akong maluto. Ayoko rin namang puro prito lang baka maumay siya.

If it were just me, I’d be fine with bacon and a sandwich in the morning. Kahit nga yata pasta ayos lang sa akin basta masarap ang pagkakaluto. Kaso may bubuhayin na yata ako kaya mabuti nang may alam sa kusina at baka ako ang patayin nito.

“Sinong nagturo sa’yo magluto?” tanong niya, ayaw mang aminin, alam ko nasasarapan siya.

“Mom. Mahilig siya magluto noong madalas siya dito sa Pinas.”

Dahan-dahan siyang tumango. Naalala ko tuloy ang Mommy niya. I couldn’t properly recall my memory with Mommy’s friend, but I know, when I was a kid, I had it. Not just the detailed part… at akala ko nga babae ang anak niya.

“How about your mom? Anong hilig niyang ituro sa’yo?”

Bigla siyang natigilan. Sa sobrang pagkatigil niya, ang amba niyang pagsubo ay talagang hindi natuloy. He slowly stuffed the spoon into his mouth and shrugged. See? I was asking, and yet…

Or… he doesn’t like talking about it?

“Your grandma?”

His expression lightened. “Farming,” he answered with excitement.

“Strawberries?”

Tumango siya. “At gumagawa siya ng shake. Tapos gumagawa rin kami ng cake.”

“Made of strawberry?”

Ganado siyang tumango at tumayo. He ran to his room while he was still wearing his socks, so I curiously craned my neck to follow his movement. Ilang sigundo lang, lumabas siya habang abala sa phone niya.

Noong umupo siya, ganado niyang ipinakita sa akin ang isang picture. I took it from his hand since he gave it to me.

“’Yan ’yung painting ko sa farm namin…”

Tumango ako at nilingon muna siya para makita kung pwede bang magswipe. He nodded, so I swiped it immediately.

“’Yan si Lola. Kasama ko siya lagi sa farm lalo na pag picking season. May mga tauhan naman siya pero bonding namin na sumali tuwing harvest.”

Ngumuso ako. I even zoomed in on his face out of fascination that he was grinning while his eyes went chinky as he showed the basket full of strawberries.

“You should smile often,” I encouraged.

Tumikhim siya at siya ang nagswipe no’n paalis doon. It was the photo of his friends in Cebu that made me realize it was also his frame.

Tang…ina. Oo nga ’no?

Tumikhim siya at nagswipe nang mabilis. Noong mapagtantong wala nang maipapakita, kinuha niya na sa akin ang phone.

Ayaw niyang magkwento doon. Natahimik na rin siya agad. Pakiramdam ko tuloy pilit niya lang kinakalimutan ’yung ginawa sa kanya at iniisip na kaibigan niya pa rin ang mga gagong ’yon.

I could feel the progress of our relationship. Nagkwento siya sa Lola niya. That’s actually good news that he’s slowly opening up to me. Iniisip ko tuloy na sana kahit sa circles nalang namin, o sa ibang girls na komportable siya, maisipan niyang mag open-up tungkol sa nangyari sa kanya. It might lessen the burden, Shiloh…

But maybe he’s afraid of the judgments. Of course, there were people who would stick with the petty reasons about his sexuality, instead of looking at the whole scenario.

Nadistract din naman siya noong naalala na pupunta kami ngayon sa bahay nila Angela. It’s six PM. Panay na ang tawag ng mga boys sa akin at kahit noong nasa kotse na, bihis na bihis na kaming dalawa, sumasabog na sa stereo ang boses ni Ronan.

“Damn Brent! Bikinis!” he shouted.

“Brent! Ang daming chix! At patay kang gago ka! Nandito lahat ng mga babae mo!” singit ng boses ni Tyler at naghagalpakan silang dalawa.

“May reunion, Brent! Ikaw nalang ang kulang!” dagdag ni Ronan at halos mamatay sila kakatawa.

Isa lang ang papatay sa akin. At kung lumubog na naman ako sa isang ’to mamaya, silang dalawa talaga ang una kong papatayin.

“I even heard from Angela that your other girl, which is Trixie, is bringing Verena since Angela requested it! Nandito lahat ng babae mo, Brent!”

Bumaling ako kay Shiloh na tahimik lang sa front seat.

“Huwag niyo na akong nirereto doon. Sabing may pinopormahan ako,” giit ko kahit humihiyaw na ang dalawa dahil sa sumabog na music.

They didn’t take me seriously. Of course, why would they take me seriously when they knew how I handle girls? Pag sinabi kong pinopormahan, they would think of it as shallow because I’m never interested in courtship or being in a relationship.

“I’d be good. Don’t worry,” sabi ko at nilingon si Shiloh.

Bumaling siya sa akin, nakaangat ang kilay.

“Ayos lang.”

Ayos lang, huh? Tapos mamaya itataboy na naman ako.

Well, I don’t care. I’ll limit myself. That’s it. Kahit pa sinabi niyang ayos lang, hindi ayos ’yon. Magmumukha akong katawa tawa sa mga mata niya kung makikita niyang manlalandi ako roon habang pumuporma ako sa kanya.

And knowing he’s not vocal, he might overthink it. I’m not assuming that he truly cares, but it’s better to prioritize his emotions here.

Kaya ayos lang na ikaw lagi ang galit, Brent? Ikaw lagi ang nagseselos? At ikaw lagi ang nanunuyo basta huwag lang si Shiloh, ganoon ba? I think I was a slave in my past life, and Shiloh was the boss. What a life you’ve got here, Brent. You ended up being a slave again in your next life. Whew.

Nasa bukana palang ng gate na bumubukas, ang malakas na tunog ng party music ang pumapaibabaw. I opened the driver’s seat, wanting to open the door for him, but he had already gone out too.

The girls screamed as soon as they saw Shiloh. Mabilis ang takbo patungo sa kanya at pinagyayakap. So dramatic. They had just seen each other earlier. I rolled my eyes and caressed my nape.

“Nasa pool ang mga boys, Brent,” si Angela na malawak ang ngisi sa akin, may pinapahiwatig.

Tumango ako at nilingon si Shiloh. Nakikipag-usap na siya sa mga girls habang ngumingiti nang dumulas ang tingin ko sa kanya kaya itinuro ko agad ang pool para makapagpaalam. He nodded and turned his attention back to the girls.

The intro of Let Me Blow Ya Mind blasted when I walked in. My favorite song at the club. Damn…

Nasulyapan ko agad si Tyler at Ronan na sumasayaw habang nasa baywang ng mga babaeng nakabikini ang mga kanay nila. Mavric, who’s with them,all of his buttons were opened while swaying his body and raising his shot. This is really our world.

I went to Mavric instead since he wasn’t really surrounded by girls, while I started unbuttoning each buttons of my polo shirt and doing some lazy waves. I could still have fun tonight without flirting. Easy.

Binigyan ako ni Mavric ng shot. We did some cheers and gulped it down together as we raised our cups and danced.

“Verena is fucking coming, dude!” Tapik niya sa balikat ko.

“I don’t care!” natatawang sabi ko.

Mavric smirked at me.

“Yo!” si Ronan nang mapansin na rin ako. “The main event of the party is here, y’all!” sigaw niya kaya ang daming naglingunan sa kung nasaan ako.

“Sabi ko na nga ba at nandito kana! Pag ganitong tugtog amoy na amoy ko agad ang presensya mo eh!” si Tyler na inakbayan na rin ako.

“This is his favorite song because of the title, bro! What a fetish!” hagalpak ni Ronan at nag-apir sila ni Tyler.

“What? It’s chill.” Nailing akong ngumisi. The girls who noticed me smirked at me. Haha. There’s nothing funny here, girls. I’m not a dessert you could freely taste. Makakatay ako ngayong gabi kaya tigil-tigilan niyo ako.

“Noong mga kita ko lahat ng babae mo halos dasalan kita, Brent! Parang lalangoy ka sa langit ngayong gabi!” hagalpak ni Rick nang lumapit na rin sa amin.

Hah. It’s hell, Rick. Believe me. One wrong move, and I’ll be in Satan’s cave. May mag-aalburoto.

“Akala ko nga ikaw ang may birthday dahil mukhang ang dami mong regalong matatanggap ngayon!” si Connor na nasa tabi na rin ni Rick.

Nailing ako sa kanila habang hindi pa rin nawawala ang ngiti sa labi ko. Pahamak.

We continued to dance when another of my favorite songs boomed. Sino bang nagpapatugtog? Ninakaw lang yata ni Angela sa akin ang playlist ko.

“Got to do, got to do with it, babe?” I vibe with the rap part of the song together with the boys, who dance as well too.

“Speaking of what’s love, Brent…” nguso ni Connor at tinapik na ang balikat ko.

Ronan whistled. And for sure, the rest of the boys dropped their jaws as soon as Verena walked in.

She was only wearing a brasierre and white baggy pajamas with slits on the sides. Nah. I prefer the hot Shiloh, who’s yawning in his sweaters. I chuckled at my thoughts and gulped my shot again.

“Tara tara!” si Ronan na tinapik ang balikat ko at naglalakad na roon.

Verena is with Trixie. Humalakhak pa si Tyler sa akin nang mapagtantong kahit ang kasama ni Verena, nakalandian ko.

“Wala na, Brent. Perfect attendance na ang mga babae mo ngayong gabi. Should we go home, dude? Seems like we’re interrupting your bachelor party here…” si Tyler na hawak ang tiyan kakatawa.

I kicked his ass when he immediately turned his back and ran. Rick, who’s chuckling and pointed at the other girls beside her, which I got from the past as well, joined the taunting. I raised my middle finger and gulped down the last amount of beer I had in my cup.

Umalis ako sa dance floor nang may mga babaeng nagsisilapitan at gustong sumayaw. Where is Shiloh, by the way? Hindi ba ’yon magagalit kung sa kanya ako humalo. Tang inang mga gagong ’to. Pauuwiin pa yata akong sa sahig na naman matutulog.

I typed a reply while walking to the side where the liquor was placed.

Ako:

Can I join you over there?

Ako:

I promise I won’t disturb you.

“Hey…” ang isang babae nang nag-aambang kumuha ng Smirnoff nang mapansin ako.

Bumaling lamang ako sa kanya saglit habang sumisimsim ng unumin. As soon as our eyes met, her grin smile, the memories of when I was banging her in Boracay flashed through my mind. I spat my drink at the side and coughed.

“You’re that…” she laughed.

Nauubo kong pinahiran ang labi ko gamit ang likod ng aking kamay. Gago. Noong biniro nila akong Reunion ito ng mga babae ko, hindi ko naman alam na nandito pala talaga lahat!

“Ah… wrong guy…” Iling ko at tumalikod.

Nagmamadali akong naglakad paalis ngunit nagsalita siya.

“That man who confessed he’s into his friend—”

Oh God. Just one day, take the voice of this woman, please. Mabilis ang lakad ko pabalik sa kanya at tinakpan ang kanyang bibig. She laughed while looking at me amusingly.

I sighed. “Listen here—What’s your name again?”

“Shelly…” she smiled.

Oh what the hell? Why does it sound like Shiloh?

“Yes, Shelly… Can you do me a favor and shut up?”

Oh, I thought you liked when women are noisy?“ she smirked.

Mariin akong pumikit at natawa. Sinabi ko ba ’yon? Tang inang kagaguhan ’to. Parang gusto ko nalang mabuhay ulit sa ibang buhay ko at doon ko nalang liligawan ulit si Shiloh. I can’t believe my dirt would put me to the grave tonight.

She smirked and winked at me. “Don’t worry. I won’t snitch okay. At may iba akong gusto ngayong gabi ’no. You’re hot but we’re already done. I don’t repeat men too…”

I whistled. Nice.

“Oh he’s here.” Ngumuso siya.

Nangingiti kong sinundan ang tinutukoy niya, ngunit nang makitang ang kakalabas lamang dito sa pool ay ang mga girls sa circle ko kasama si Shiloh, napawi ang ngiti ko.

“Where? So you’re into women?” tanong ko.

Natatawa siyang umiling at talagang itinuro si Shiloh.

“Are you blind? Of course that beautiful man. Target locked.”

Can we go home now? I think I’m gonna get sick at this party. Parang gusto kong isabit si Shiloh sa balikat ko at umuwi na kami nang maaga.

“The last time we’ve done it, that was my last, mind you. You were so rough that I needed to find a man who seems gentle in bed.”

Nandidilim ang paningin ko sa babaeng ito.

“So… when I saw him… I could really sense he’s romantic and full of gentleness.” She smirked while sipping her drink without taking her eyes off Shiloh.

I pressed my tongue against the side of my mouth. Hindi nga ako nag-iisip nang ganyan kay Shiloh tapos siya…

“That’s actually mine…” sabi ko.

Lumingon siya sa akin. “What do you mean?” She laughed.

I folded my arms. “Mine. That man you are trying to eye right now. That’s him I was talking about.”

This time, she spat her drink so hard that my eyes squinted when some of it got into my eyes. Mabilis ang lapit niya at pinunasan iyon gamit ang kamay niya.

“Sorry! Sorry! Nagulat ako!” she panicked.

Umiling ako lalo na’t may mas malala pa akong naranasang tumalsik sa mukha ko. But I’m not gonna talk about that here.

“Hoy Brent!” tawag ni Gabriella, isa sa kaibigan kong girls na nasa circles ni Angela.

When I glanced at them, including the woman who’s busy wiping my face, I swear to God, I just wanted to run in front of Shiloh and kneel in front of him while explaining that it wasn’t what he thought about!

“Oh! The Boracay girl!” sila Tyler nang sumigaw.

“’Yan ’yon Brent ah!” si Ronan nang mapansin na rin kami.

I think I’ve spent too much in this lifetime. I should just spend my remaining time in another life with no girls, so I could court Shiloh peacefully.

Hindi pa nga ako nagugustuhan, parang binibigyan na agad siya ng maraming rason ng langit kung bakit hindi niya dapat ako magustuhan!

“That’s Verena’s cousin, Brent!” sigaw ni Angela at nanliit ang tingin sa akin.

“Verena? You know my cousin?” she laughed.

Oh crap.

Did I just confess to…

Hayop. Tang ina. Gago.

Ayoko na. I think I need to buy a coffin tomorrow. Suko na ako. I just wish to be reincarnated as Shiloh’s strawberries in my next life instead of being a man again with multiple problems with women.

I could really feel the wrath of the heavens for me that he’s pouring out all of the karma I deserve for having too many women in the past. Kung alam kong magseseryoso ako, edi sana wala akong tinikman ni isang babae hindi ba?

“Wait… What’s your full name?” tanong niya habang lutang na lutang ako at naninigas sa mga nangyayari.

“Brent Matthew Jarsdel…” si Tyler na lumalapit na pala at tumayo sa gilid ko sabay akbay.

The boys were now crowding us while they were smirking at her. Lumingon ako sa girls at nakitang sumusulyap lamang si Shiloh, seryoso ang ekspresyon at muling aalisin ang titig sa akin habang nakikipag-usap kay Sadie.

I left the boys while they were calling me. I took my phone out while typing a reply.

Ako:

I’ll go to you.

Nakita ko ang pagtingin ni Shiloh sa phone niya. Patuloy ang lakad ko habang nakikita siyang nagtitipa habang magkasalubong ang kilay.

Shiloh:

Lumapit ka dito at susuntukin kita

Ngumuso ako, patuloy na naglakad sa kinaroroonan ng mga girls at nagreply sa kanya.

Ako:

Then do it, please. I want it hard.

Chapter 25

Taste

When Shiloh saw that I was determined to go to him, he typed a reply aggressively and told the girls I didn’t hear since I glanced at my phone again.

Shiloh:

Kitchen

Oh shoot!

Pumasok siya sa bahay. The kitchen is crowded, so I chose upstairs since I familiarized the corners of the house and I know where we could have our privacy.

Ako:

Upstairs please

Alam kong ayaw niyang madisturbo kami. At baka kung may lumabas pasok sa kusina ay talagang ihahampas ko ang ulo sa pader dahil hindi kami makakapag-usap nang maayos kung nadidistract siya.

I think Shiloh did what I said. Sumunod ako at umakyat din sa enggranding hagdan, halos liparin agad iyon maabutan ko lang siya.

“Ano?” he immediately fired, his eyes glaring at me as soon as he found me.

Hinihingal pa ako kaso galit agad siya habang nakahalukipkip.

“She just wiped my face since—”

“Tumigil ka nalang kaya?” galit niyang putol.

I froze.

“Hindi ko na ’to nagugustuhan. Kung hindi ka pumuporma, pwede kang magpatuloy sa ibang mga babae riyan. Wala kang sabit…” Nag-iwas siya ng tingin.

Umiling ako at lumapit. I held his elbow and swallowed hard. Fuck… Is he rejecting me?

“I swear… I didn’t flirt tonight. She was the woman I met in…” I licked my lower lip when I couldn’t even continue the words.

“Hindi lang si Shila…” he murmured and looked at the other side.

“I already dropped all of my girls. I swear,” namamaos kong bulong.

Tumingin siya sa akin, nakakunot ang noo. My stomach was churning while the nervousness mingled with the defeaning sound of my heartbeat banging against my chest.

Iniwas niya ang tingin at itinulak ako palayo. I shut my eyes and stepped backward. Fuck. I’m really dead.

“Punch me…” I whispered pleadingly.

“Gago ka.”

“I know… and punch me…” I opened my eyes and looked at him weakly.

I caught the small smile on his lips, stretching, kaya natigilan ako.

“Punch me, Shiloh.”

He scoffed, but his laugh mingled a bit, and he shook his head.

“Gago ka talaga.” Nanliit ang mga mata niya ngunit nanunuya ang tingin.

I put my hand back on his elbow. Nahulog ang tingin niya roon ngunit humahalik pa rin sa labi niya ang ngiti. So he enjoys it when I’m miserable, huh?

“Noong dumating ako dito, hindi ka naman ganyan ka problemado sa mga babae. Tapos ngayon…”

“Because I’m damn serious here. I don’t want to lose my shot,” I said, gritting my teeth.

I couldn’t take it lightly. Kahit ngumingiti siya, pakiramdam ko hindi ako dapat makampante.

“Kilala mo ba ’yon?”

Oh yeah? Verena and her bloodline are fond of you! What a load of crap.

“Why? You find her pretty?” I arched my brow.

Nanliit ang mga mata niya sa akin. My hand, resting on his elbow, slipped on the side of his waist. I slowly let it crawled against his back and pulled him toward me while my chest was still banging, afraid that… he might push me.

When he didn’t, I sighed heavily and rested my head against his shoulder.

“I swear… I already dropped all of the women I had in the past. And… I am serious about us. Please listen…” namamaos kong bulong.

He laughed again. Mariin akong pumikit. Tang ina. Pinagtatawanan ang pagiging miserable ko.

I slowly wrapped my arm around his waist so I could at least hug him. He didn’t resist. Damn it. When he told me I could touch him as long as we weren’t in the school, I didn’t realize that he really meant it.

Gusto ko sanang yakapin nang mahigpit kaso baka magalit.

“Bumaba na nga tayo. May pa games daw ’yon si Angela. Sumali tayo,” he said enthusiastically.

I shook my head. “This is more fun.”

“Huwag na, Brent. Baka mas maaliw ka roon sa mga naka bikini. My body shot pa naman. Paborito mo.”

“We could do body shots here. It would be more fun…”

“Gago ka. Umalis kana nga!” Itinulak niya ako kaya natatawa ko siyang hinila muli.

“At baka may CCTV dito!”

“Wala. Nasa ibaba lang. Ang ibang CCTV dito nasa itaas na floor. There’s nothing really here…”

“Kabisado mo ah? Bakit? May dinala kana rin ba dito at dito niyo sa hagdan ginawa?”

I rolled my eyes. “Let’s just go downstairs. Baka ibang away na naman ang maimbento mo rito…” I grabbed his arm and pulled him downstairs.

“Ah… so meron?” He tilted his head and watched me carefully.

“Wala. Why would I do it to my friends’ house?”

“Pero kung hindi ’to bahay ng kaibigan mo, meron?”

Tang ina. Kahit ’yon nailusot niya pa? Kaya siguro ang haba ng pasensya ko dahil may ibibigay sa akin na katulad ni Shiloh.

“Hindi rin…” I said while taking my hand off him as soon as we were walking back to the pool area.

May mga tao rin sa living room pero mas marami sa pool. Malawak doon at may mga naliligo rin kasi.

“Hindi sa hagdan kasi ididiretso mo sa kuwarto?” si Shiloh.

“You and your judgmental mind…” I rolled my eyes but smiled.

Well, the important part here, he wasn’t mad because he’s being playful. I’m quite relieved. I’m really willing to explain. I’m not being defensive here, but it’s better if I told him everything instead of letting it expand in his mind because I wasn’t doing anything about it.

Pagkarating namin sa pool, mukhang nagsisimula na yata ’yung sinasabi niyang games lalo na’t may nakalapag nang inumin sa malaking table at naroon ang lahat.

Lumingon si Sadie at nangingiting hinila si Shiloh saka niya ipinasiksik sa harap. Namulsa akong tumayo sa likod ng mga girls kaso hinila ako ni Ronan nang makita ako.

“Damn dude! You got Verena’s cousin, but you didn’t get Verena herself?” Halakhak niya.

Gusto ko sanang sikusin sa panga ngunit inakbayan niya ako at nakihiyaw nang may umupong lalake sa upuan at sila ang may karapatang mamimili kung sino ang gagawa ng body shot.

“S’yempre Verena!” agarang hiyaw ng lalakeng umupo.

Everyone looked at Verena, who was now arching her brow. Verena walked to the front. Everyone shouted, but as soon as Verena took the shot and gulped it down, the girls laughed. The man got rejected.

“Malalasing ’to si Verena ngayong gabi kaka pass,” iling ni Connor.

Hindi na mabilang ang ilang lalakeng pumili kay Verena. Lagpas sampo na ’yon ngunit sa tuwing may mga lalakeng tumatawag pa rin sa kanya, talagang ang shot lang ang iniinom niya. Coldhearted. This is really Shiloh’s counterpart.

“My turn!” si Mavric na umuupo na.

I folded my arms. I’d really invite him for an every day sparring if he choose Shiloh.

When Mavric mentioned a woman’s name, I smelled that he wasn’t into Chloe anymore. It seems like he lost his temper with that woman.

“Lick the nips, baby!” sigaw ni Tyler kaya naghagalpakan kaming mga boys.

Naiiling akong nakipag-apir kay Ronan habang hindi kami magkamayaw sa pang-aasar kay Mavric na nakangising tumitingala.

“Dude! The boner!” si Ronan.

“Masarap ba, Mav?” si Rick na tawang tawa rin.

“Miss, for your information, he didn’t take a bath today…” pambabasag ni Connor kaya mas lalo kaming humagalpak.

But it seems like the woman was enjoying her time while Mavric just showed his middle finger to us and squinted his eyes a bit. Gago. Ayokong sumali rito. Palanguyin niyo nalang siguro ako sa dagat ng apoy kaysa sa nagbabagang galit ng bulkan diyan sa gilid.

After Mavric, some of my friends were now eager to join. They weren’t choosing Verena at all. At alam ko kung bakit.

“Sino nang sunod? Oh si Brent na!” hiyaw ni Angela.

I squinted my eyes when the girls cheered and shouted like I was an actor as if they were waiting for me to come out.

Itinulak ako ni Tyler at Ronan sa harap. When I stepped in while the buttons of my polo shirt were still open, instead of walking to the chair, I walked to the table and gulped the shot for the girl.

They shouted “ohhh” out of disappointment. I raised my hands and smirked, trying to find Shiloh who was watching me curiously. Lumapit ako sa mga boys na agaran akong pinagsusuntok sa dibdib at pinagkaguluhan kaya tumawa ako.

“Sabi na hindi ’yan sasali,” si Mavric.

“Oh sino pa sa boys!” si Angela na ngayon ay namimili na.

“Si Shiloh!” the girls shouted.

Mabilis na napawi ang ngiti ko habang hiniheadlock pa ako ni Ronan. Kumawala agad ako at pilit hinanap ’yung sumigaw kaso sunod sunod na ang sigaw ng mga girls at iisa ang gusto.

Our circles were now asking Shiloh if he wanted to try it. And Shiloh, the one who looked game while laughing, nodded and walked to the front.

Calm down, Brent…

Take the shot, please…

When he passed at the table, I bowed my head and shut my eyes. Fuck. He’s really playing.

Well right. This is just a game. No malice. He can choose Sadie. Or Angela.

Or… me?

Well, that’s impossible.

Dumilat ako at nakita siyang umupo. The girls were now eager to be chosen. Nakita ko pa ang malawak na ngisi ng pinsan ni Verena sa akin at lumingon sa kinaroroonan ko. I locked gazes with her while she was beside Verena, who also glanced at me.

“Sino, Shiloh?” Angela asked while grinning.

“Uh… si Verena.”

My shoulder loosened. He had the guts to choose Verena.

I swallowed hard, but I know I won’t make it. I’ll snap.

Damn it, Brent. Calm the fuck down. I repeat… calm the fuck down.

Inakbayan ako ni Mavric. “This is just a game.”

Gumalaw ang panga ko habang sinusundan ng tingin ang paglapit ulit ni Verena sa gitna. Noong nagtungo siya sa mesa, medyo gumaan ang pakiramdam ko. Ngunit nang kumuha siya ng shot at naglakad patungo kay Shiloh, halos hindi ko namalayan ang sarili ko.

“Brent. Calm down,” si Mavric na hinila ako, at halos doon ko lang napagtantong humakbang na pala ako.

The boys laughed at me. My jaw clenched. I couldn’t even crack a smirk as everyone was shouting.

“Take this off,” ani Verena nang iniluhod ang kanyang tuhod sa nakaparteng mga hita ni Shiloh, ang isang kamay ay naitukod niya sa gilid ng upuan habang yumuyuko kay Shiloh.

“Kaya pangarap ko ’yang si Verena!”

“Whoo! Ang hot mo!”

“Verena!”

I licked the side of my lips while the boys were screaming out of jealousy and the girls were screaming because they found it so hot.

Nailing si Mavric at hinigpitan ang akbay sa akin.

Shiloh, who seems game, pulled his tshirt out. I heaved a sigh. I couldn’t finish this. I’ll snap. And I don’t know what I would do right now while watching.

He wanted to join the fun, right? I knew he wasn’t happy earlier when he laughed. Did you mean this? Are you purposely hurting me? It’s working. So please… stand up and go back to the girls, Shiloh.

Verena put the lemon against his lips. When she crouched down and sipped the lemon while pouring the shot on his body, my temper finally snapped.

I took Mavric’s hand out of mine. He groaned, and I realized I wasn’t being gentle anymore.

“Dude… what the hell? Calm down,” aniya habang iniikot niya na ang braso at hinawakan ang likod.

But instead of ruining the fun, I walked to Angela. Kinalabit ko ito habang nalalaglag ang panga.

“Angela…” my voice cracked while my jaw kept on clenching.

Sobrang lakas ng tilian. Ayoko nang malaman kung ano ang nangyayari dahil baka mabasag ko lahat ng mga inumin sa harap. First, this isn’t my party. Second, he was having fun. And third, I was… courting him.

It slowly dawned on me that I had no right to get mad at all. I have no right to stop him from being playful with the others. I have no right to demand any. I have no right to beg him to choose me.

“Ano Brent?” si Angela nang bumaling sa akin at distracted pa.

“I’ll use the room upstairs.”

“Brent! Ayokong makalat doon kaya please lang! Kung sino mang babaeng dadalhin mo, sa kama lang kayo!” Natatawa niyang sabi.

“I’ll just sleep.”

“Sus!” Humalakhak siya ngunit unti-unti ring napawi ang ngiti nang may mapansin.

“Uh… sige. P-Pero hindi pa tapos ang game. Two hours pa ’to…”

I nodded. “It’s fine. I’m not really feeling well. Matutulog muna ako.”

She nodded while her brows were knitted.

“May medicine kit doon. Inom ka ng gamot…”

I nodded. “I’ll join your next celebrations. I’m sorry.”

Umiling agad siya. “Ayos lang!”

Hindi ko na dinugtungan pa at umalis doon. They were so distracted with the game that no one noticed me. Or Mavric knows that I walked out since he was putting his hand around me earlier.

Deritso ang akyat ko. I was determined to sleep. Two hours. It’s just seven. They’re ending the party at three. I set an alarm good for two hours so I could wake up and go back to the party later.

I also typed a reply for Shiloh while laying down on the bed as soon as I went in.

Ako:

I’m sleeping. Text me if you need anything.

As soon as I sent it, I tossed my phone to the bed, and it even jumped away until I heard it banging against the floor. I took my polo off me and tossed it to the floor, pulled the pillow, and I hugged it.

What if he got into trouble? Nah… Everyone knows he’s part of our group. The varsities. Sa laki ng mga katawan namin, walang magtatangkang gagalaw sa mga nasa grupo namin dahil alam nila na sira talaga ang pagmumukha ng mga mangangahas.

And the boys are there. But I also texted him, saying he would just text back if he needed anything.

Kaysa naman nanatili ako roon at baka masira ko lang ang buong gabi. Shiloh might really be disappointed in me since I don’t like the game at all.

What’s the fuss, Brent? It’s a game. Nanliligaw ka ah? Psh. At least I have the nerve to decline because I know I’m serious about this. I’m seriously courting him. Kaya kung sign iyon na irereject niya ako, o sign iyon na ipinapakita niya sa akin na kaya niyang kunin ang babaeng gusto ko noon para saktan ako, then he won.

But did he really mean that to hurt me? I shut my eyes and sighed. I wanted to shower so bad, but at the same time, I wanted the alcohol to consume me so I wouldn’t be sober and would doze off to sleep at least.

But with the heavy feeling, I felt like I wouldn’t even sleep a wink.

Tang inang buhay ’to.

I heard the creak of the door opening as it mingled with the silent sound of the air conditioner. I kept my eyes close. Kung si Sadie ito at guguluhin ang gabi ko, itatapon ko talaga siya sa bintana.

I heard it close until someone familiar cleared his throat. Napadilat ang mga mata ko. That’s Shiloh. I know that’s him.

Kahit gusto kong lumingon, nanatili ako sa pwesto. Seconds later, I saw his shadow standing behind me.

“Brent…” tawag niya.

What? Tsss.

I pretended I was asleep. You think you’ll always have your way with me? Bumalik ka doon. Finish your fun, Shiloh.

He crouched a bit and touched the side of my neck. I swallowed hard while I froze. Angela told him that I was sick, huh?

“May sakit ka ba? Ba’t mainit ka?”

Of course, because I drank some shot. But yes, I’m really sick. I saw you and Verena playing that fucking game.

Hindi ako nagsalita. I’m just extra hot when I’m drunk, but I don’t have a fever.

Tumikhim siyang muli. “Nauuhaw ako.”

Really? Damn brat. Dumaan kana sa kitchen bago rito pero umakyat ka pa talaga huh?

I pulled myself out of the bed. “What drink?”

Nagulat siya sa biglaang pagtayo ko na parang patay na nabuhay.

“S-Shake…”

A shake. Whew.

I nodded and went straight to the door without even glancing at him. Bumaba ako at nakitang may naghahalikan sa living room. Dumeritso ako sa kusina at ginawa agad ang kailangan kong gawin.

What kind of shake, anyway? I wanted to check on him, but my phone wasn’t with me. Binuksan ko ang fridge, and luckily, I saw a pack of strawberries.

Iyon ang ginawa kong shake para sa kanya. I could hear the sound coming from the pool area and their screams. It took me half an hour until I went back to the room.

Nakaupo na siya sa kama at hawak ang phone ko.

“Nabasag ang screen…” Inilahad niya iyon sa akin.

Inilahad ko sa kanya ang shake niya, noong tinanggap, ay muli akong pakulob na humiga at hindi na tinanggap ang phone.

I hugged the pillow again and buried my face while he was still sitting at the side of the bed.

Why? You didn’t have fun there? Verena didn’t suck the lemon enough that you left? Tss.

Sige nga, Brent. Sabihin mo? Nevermind.

“Bakit pula ’yang mga mata mo?” he asked.

Hindi ako sumagot.

“Hindi yata naka full blast ’yung aircon.”

I sighed and pulled myself up again. Nilapitan ko ang aircon at nilakasan iyon lalo. I went back to the bed without looking at him, avoiding even touching him.

I lay again on the bed and hugged the pillow. I’m really pissed. But not pissed enough to ignore him. But I’m pissed.

“Dapat sumali ka rin kanina,” he conversed.

“You can’t force me to do the things I don’t like,” I murmured coldly.

“Lalake ako kaya bagay sa akin ang babae,” he whispered.

My chest clutched.

“Then reject me,” I demanded.

Hindi siya nagsalita. I laughed and shook my head.

“Why? You purposely did that to hurt me? To slap me that you were into girls, huh? Reject me, Shiloh. You’re unfair,” namamaos kong bigkas, halos kontrolin ang galit na gustong kumawala sa akin kahit gusto ko iyong isigaw lahat sa kanya.

“Bakit? Sa nakita mo… gusto mo pa ring manligaw—”

“If that was your test to see if I was serious with you, then even if I was breaking, I’d still court you in a heartbeat,” giit ko sa mahinahong tinig, sinisiguradong hindi iyon pasigaw.

Natahimik siya. I licked my lower lip.

“Go down. I’ll go downstairs later. I’ll just calm myself. Masisira ko lang ang gabi mo,” matabang kong sabi, halos bulong lamang.

Ilang minuto siyang tahimik. Ayoko ring lumingon dahil talagang galit ako. If I were him, he’d just go downstairs and spend time with the girls.

“Hindi ka pa nakakatikim ng strawberries, ’di ba?” he conversed again.

Hindi ako nagsalita.

“Masarap ’yung gawa mong shake…”

I gritted my jaw. He really knows how to twist my emotions! Damn him!

“Hoy! Humarap ka nga!” Irita niyang sabi.

I rolled my eyes and flipped my head to his side. Lumingon siya sa akin. Nagkatinginan kami sa dilim.

He scoffed as soon as he saw my face. I rolled my eyes again and was about to flip my head when he crouched.

When his face neared mine, I swallowed hard when I knew what he was planning to do. My lips parted when he stopped midway and drank the shake I made for him, letting it get into his lips, until he crouched more.

As soon as the cold shake touched my lips when he brushed his lips with mine, just enough for the shake to transfer to my lips, he pulled himself up.

My senses were blocked. My stomach was churning, and even the heartbeat of my heart was banging louder than earlier. It was an uncontrollable emotion that I tried to control because I didn’t want to cross the boundary.

“Tikman mo.”

I licked my lower lip until I got the taste of the shake. The sweet taste spread in my mouth while he sipped another shake. I was bracing that… he would do it again, but I guess he just let me have a taste of it.

Tumingin siya sa akin, namumula. “Gusto mo pa?”

I nodded slowly, looking at his lips.

Shiloh sipped again and crouched down. When his lips landed on mine, I parted it.

“Slip your tongue in. I want to suck to taste it more,” I whispered dizzily.

Chapter 26

Hold

He looked so flushed. Nakatitig ako sa labi niya, namumungay ang mga mata, naghihintay sa susunod niyang gagawin.

He looked at me for a while, curious. I slowly graze my eyes back to his eyes, sleepily. Damn… I wanted to lean closer, but he might fucking punch me, so I stilled, almost bracing for him.

“Hindi ako marunong,” he whispered.

My eyes widened. So even… kissing? He hasn’t done it?

He was about to pull himself up, but I pulled his necklace back, which is why he put his hands on each side of my head, making sure he wouldn’t fully lose his balance on top of me.

“Do you want me to…” I slowly looked at his lips again.

Shiloh’s face was now bright red. I’ve never seen him so flushed before. Ngayon lang. Sa sobra niyang pula, pakiramdam ko nilalagnat siya.

“Just slip it in. I’ll lead you,” I whispered dizzily, hopeful that he might… give it.

Mabilis ang kalabog ng dibdib ko. Hindi ako kailanman kinabahan sa ganito, pero ngayong hinihintay na lumapat ang labi niya sa akin, parang sasabog ako sa paghihintay. If he’d do it just once, I’d be content. I might be happy for the rest of my life.

My breath was starting to feel heavy. He was so close, watching me closely, that my eyes were so sleepy looking at him.

That’s why, when Shiloh crouched more, I parted my lips. He parted his lips as well, sticking his pinkish tongue into my lips.

I tilted my head, leaned closer until his tongue was shoved in, and welcomed it inside my mouth by flicking my tongue at his as well and brushing my lips against him.

My chest was banging loudly. My senses were so sensitive that the only thing that mattered to me was the sweet taste on his soft tongue when I sucked it lightly.

I held his chin, tilted my head to the other side as I looked at him dizzily, and moved my lips again.

He copied the movement of my lips. It was indeed a shallow kiss. He was learning. But I couldn’t complain because I was too intoxicated by its intricate movement.

Your facade has finally broken, huh? I smirked against his lips when he learned how to suck my lower lip.

Shiloh’s hand went to my shoulder. His touch sent shivers all throughout my body, so I crawled my hand to his cheek and traveled it lightly to his nape.

He pulled a bit. Hinabol ko ang labi niya. When our lips touched again, I slipped my tongue into his lips this time. He whimpered when I did it and mimicked my movement earlier as he moved his lips as well.

I sighed against his mouth and kissed him slowly, making sure I wouldn’t appear so hungry when, right at the moment, I wanted to deepen it. But it was his first time. I could sense he was exploring and taking the risk to discover how kissing works.

The more I paid attention to the kiss, the more I was drawn by the sweet taste that was spreading addictively throughout my mouth. Idagdag pang sobrang bango ng bibig, halos hindi ko mapigilang laliman iyon.

I was never curious about how kisses should be done. Most of the kisses I shared were part of my heated lust for good sex. Sometimes I would treat it like part of the sex process. No emotions were involved.

But right now, as I could feel that he wanted to learn and discover it slowly, I was eager to let him explore. It was the patience of something that doesn’t involve the art of sex, just the lips and tongue colliding.

Or it was me who was trying to discover how intimacy works because I’ve never done this before, putting too much emotion into just a mere kiss…

My body was now reclined as I rested my elbow against the mattress of the bed while my other hand traveled back to his jaw and caressed it.

The more he moved his lips, the more he learned how to kiss properly and deeply, until he was now slipping his tongue in, just enough when I’d flick my tongue on his that he would meet it halfway and shove it in again, letting it play with mine.

I groaned against his mouth. Ramdam kong natututo na siya ngunit halos patikim tikim ang ginagawa sa labi ko. He would nibble it slightly, brush his lips while sighing, and then lick my lower lip. And fuck it, I am now regretting teaching him how to kiss like this because it’s damn torture to me! He aroused me!

Tumigil siya at tinitigan ako.

“Kaya pala…” he confirmed.

“Mm?” I tilted my head, leaned closer, and grazed my nose against his.

“Kaya pala ang daming nagkakagusto at nababaliw na babae sa’yo kahit gago ka,” he whispered.

I chuckled and looked at his lips again, dizzily. Lumunok ako at muling inakyat ang tingin ko nang dahan dahan sa kanyang mga mata, halos mamungay na sana, ulitin niya.

I grazed my nose against his again. To coax him more, I licked his lower lip. Shiloh, who seems to be triggered by it, brushed his lips with mine again, made me smile against his lips, shoved my tongue into his mouth, and kissed him back.

“Your kiss…” I whispered in between the kisses.

“Mmm?” he responded, which made me shiver.

“Turns me on…” I sighed heavily as I knit my brows frustratingly.

He laughed a bit. Umangat ang kilay ko lalo na’t hindi ako nagbibiro. But then he suddenly crawled to the bed and knelt in between my legs. My eyes widened as soon as his kisses traveled from my jaw down to my neck.

I parted my lips and closed my eyes as I pushed my head backward and let my elbow balance my reclined body. I swallowed hard.

Those were shallow kisses he showered on me. But each time he trailed it with small kisses, I would whimper as if it hurt because of how it electrified my whole body.

My brows knitted as I licked my lips when his kisses reached my chest. He planted a kiss against my nipple, and I groaned and lifted my head just to watch him weakly.

I was in full-blast heat. If he touched me, he’d find out! But the tent that was twitching against my pants was enough evidence of how much he turns me on.

Pakiramdam ko, kung gagalaw ako, papatayin niya ako. I wanted to touch him so bad, but I guess I needed to restrain myself.

His kisses trailed down my stomach. I shut my eyes and pushed my head back again as I groaned at the pleasure that intensified.

Fuck it! Fuck it! If I did a few strokes right now, I’d come right then! O baka nga, kung hindi siya tumigil ngayon, sasabog ako!

When he stopped and I lifted my face again as I opened my eyes, the next thing that welcomed me was his face advancing toward me until he attacked my lips and kissed me without even a warning.

I pulled him to me, pulled his legs aggresively until his body was pinned toward me, and flipped our position in just a second as I hovered over him and kissed him hungrily.

Shiloh wrapped his hands around me as our kisses turned thirsty and desperate. Itinuko ko ang kamay ko sa gilid ng ulo niya, habang ang isa kong kamay ay ay humaplos na sa gilid ng tiyan niya.

I wrapped my arm around him. And every time I tried to pull a bit to at least breathe, he would chase my lips as he would lean a bit and crash his lips against mine again, and his head would fall back to the bed as I would deepen the kiss again.

He was heavily sighing in the middle of the kisses, and his hand found something to grip since I was topless. His fingers were sliding into my hair, while his kisses were now demanding.

Habang patagal nang patagal, at palalim iyon nang palalim, hindi ko na alam kung saan nanggagaling ang init sa katawan ko. Maybe it was coming from him, or maybe it was the heat that was slowly consuming me.

Ah… This feels so good…

“No more games, Shiloh,” I said in the middle while he was panting hard and kissing me continuously.

Damn it! I am so turned on! Fuck!

A knock made him push me so hard that I really lost my balance and dropped to the floor. I groaned while Shiloh immediately pulled the blanket over himself when I glanced at him.

He seems so guilty, as if he would be caught doing illegal things.

At kung sino man ’yang kumakatok, kung hindi yata makatarungan ang pangdidisturbo niya, ibabalibag ko siya. Thank God I remembered locking the door when I went back after making a shake for him, or else…

The knock became aggressive until I heard Rick’s voice.

“Brent! Gago ka! Buksan mo!” he shouted aggressively.

Tang inang ’to! Kung hindi ’yan matino magsusuntukan pa yata kami ngayong gabi! I opened it and slipped my head just enough to see it.

“What?” I arched my brow, almost wanting to punch his face for disturbing me in the middle of…

“Ang sakit ng tiyan ko, dude! Pagamit ng cr! Nahihiya ako doon sa baba!” Nag-amba siyang pumasok ngunit itinulak ko siya.

“Go and use the other room, Rick. I’m busy here.”

Nanliit ang mga mata niya.

“Anong ginagawa mo?”

Napatingin siya sa dibdib ko, marahil ay napagtantong wala akong suot. I slammed the door shut and locked it again. Narinig kong hinampas niya ’yon.

“Putang ina ka talaga! Kahit saan saan nalang!”

Well, I was resting here! It was Shiloh who came here and…

Shiloh slowly pulled the blanket away and peeked his head out. Pakiramdam ko tuloy lalake nito si Rick at takot siyang mahuli kaya pinagtataguan niya.

When our eyes met, I arched my brow while he looked so flushed again. Nagtalukbong siyang muli ng kumot. Umupo ako sa gilid ng kama at humalukipkip. Are we gonna continue or…

I think he got shy and shocked at the same time. I looked at the shake and took a sip of it, but I grimaced when I really didn’t like the sweet taste of it. I only appreciate it when it’s in his mouth, I guess…

I laid beside him and put my hands against my head as I watched him beside me, looking like a dead body that was fully covered by the white sheet.

He slowly pulled the blanket away and glanced at me until he caught me watching him. Binawi niya ang tingin kaya natawa ako.

“So… you have a boyfriend now?” I croaked.

“Boyfriend?” He glanced at me and arched his brow, and I felt like he gonna smash me for saying it.

“Boyfriend. Me. You kissed me.”

“Marami rin namang humahalik sa’yo pero hindi mo naman g-in-irlfriend ah?”

“Of course… I don’t like them. I want you. And you kissed me. You just said yes.”

Namilog ang mga mata niya at humagalpak. Ngumuso ako at pinigilan ang ngiting humalik sa labi ko.

“What?” I laughed too. Nakakatawa pero hindi ako natutuwa. Parang pinaglalaruan talaga ako ng isang ’to.

“Hindi naman kita sinagot,” nangingiti niyang sabi habang natatawa pa rin.

“We kissed. That means yes.” I arched my brow.

Natawang muli si Shiloh. “Hindi ah.”

“I am your boyfriend,” giit ko.

“Hindi nga,” he hissed, but he’s still smiling.

“Akin kana,” I demanded.

“Halik lang ’yon ah.”

Talagang napawi ang ngiti ko. Ah wala ’to… Katawan ko lang yata ang habol nito! Walang experience at mukhang pinagpraktisan lang ako kasi kuryoso!

Akala niya siguro matatapos ang gabing ito nang hindi ko nakukuha ang karapatan ko. He kissed me. That means yes!

“Friends don’t kiss, baby.” I looked at him with pure demands.

He rolled his eyes while blushing as his lips stretched.

“Edi katulad noong mga ibang babae mo.”

God. I’m not doing it again. I’ll come to church often just to cut Shiloh’s horn out of his head. This boy is stressing me out.

“Wala ’yung feelings—”

“Kahit ba with feelings may relasyon na?”

Gagawin pa yata akong side boy nito? Tang ina. Nanligaw ako nang maayos tapos gusto niya lang akong tikman?

Hinding hindi ko na ’to papatikimin hangga’t hindi niya ako sinasagot! He needs to see that I don’t need the lust he’s bargaining for to satisfy his curiosity. Magdusa siya.

“So what’s the kiss for?” tanong ko, medyo magkasalubong pa rin ang kilay.

“Pinatikim lang kita sa shake…” tikhim niya at nag-iwas ng tingin.

“Wow. Nice excuse.” I rolled my eyes.

“Bakit? Hindi mo nagustuhan?” tunog pagalit ang tanong niya.

“I forgot the taste. Can I taste it again?” I smirked.

Kinuha niya ang unan at hinampas sa mukha ko. Humalakhak ako at tuluyang humiga sa tabi niya. I rested my hand on the side of his waist. When he didn’t complain, I pulled him until his back rested against my chest.

I sighed and closed my eyes. Now I could peacefully sleep…

“Akala ko ba galit ka?” he asked tauntingly.

“Am I mad?” namamaos kong bulong pabalik.

“Galit ka,” he insisted.

“Alright. I am mad.” I nodded.

My stomach kept on churning. Napupunit na rin ang labi ko kakangiti na kinakagat ko nalang. Damn… So this is the reason why everyone wants to be in a relationship, huh?

“You had fun?” namamaos kong tanong nang maalala ang nangyari kanina.

“Curious lang…”

What a fucking curiosity…

“And?”

He didn’t say anything; instead, he handed my phone to me. Nakita ko agad ang crack. I could already hear my mother’s unending rants, telling me I am such a spoiled son who seems so materialistic when I’m working for my own savings and she’s spending it by borrowing it for a while.

Baka pag naningil na naman ako… ibang pang-uungkat na naman ang sasabihin no’n at baka pati diapers ko noon ipapabayad niya rin sa akin.

I opened the screen until the brightness kissed my face. I squinted my eyes a bit and saw that it was still working. Talagang crack lang ang screen.

“Ipaayos mo nalang ang screen kaysa bumili ka ulit ng bago,” aniya.

“Alright…”

He took it from my hand, so I let him have it as he curiously held it. I typed the password while he looked so curious.

Noong nabuksan iyon, ipinahinga ko ang kamay ko sa tiyan niya. He didn’t complain, either. I watched him open the app store and start downloading a game.

“You like games?”

He nodded silently. I manipulated the screen to lessen the brightness so it wouldn’t hurt his eyes, at least.

I guess the game downstairs was still ongoing. Isang oras pa lang naman ang nakalipas. And I think I don’t wanna go downstairs now that Shiloh is having fun with my phone because of the game he uploaded.

I only watched him play. He was shouting sometimes and would frustratingly grumble when he would lose. Minsan kabado ako dahil baka wasakin niya pero nilalaro niya lang ulit.

He took my hand and used my finger to tap the screen, so I could just join his silly games. Gusto ko lang sanang nasa tiyan niya ’yon but I guess he wanted me to participate, so I let him.

Itinagilid ko ang ulo ko at pinatakan ng halik ang gilid ng ulo niya. He slapped my face, and I laughed while squinting my eyes. Damn, that’s good…

“Maglalaro tayo!” giit niya.

“Oh sorry…” tikhim ko at nangingiting ibinalik ang atensyon sa laro. “Can’t help. The smell of your hair is distracting me.”

He looked so serious in his game, so I didn’t interrupt him. Noong mapagod, pumunta na sa Netflix account ko at nagsearch ng Ghibli movies.

“You haven’t watched all of their movies?” tanong ko.

“Napanood ko na lahat…” aniya habang namimili ng papanoorin doon.

“And you’re just rewatching it?”

“Oo. Para mapanood mo.”

My stomach churned that I swallowed hard. Did he… rewatched those Ghibli movies we’ve watched too just to… join me? Sa sobrang tahimik niya kasi manood, akala ko first time niya.

I slowly realized it. What is it supposed to mean? He’s rewatching it for my sake. Which means…

“Pinapanood din namin ng mga girls,” dagdag niya.

Parang bulang naglaho ang mga pinanghahawakan ko sa isip ko. Ang galing talaga nitong mangwasak. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang galit ng langit sa akin at si Shiloh talaga ang ibinigay sa lahat ng tao sa mundo. This one is my living karma.

And imagine it, Brent. You will spend the rest of your life with him. I can’t imagine the frustration and stress I’d face every day, but I think I would love it. I can deal with it.

He yawned after watching a movie. Inaantok siyang lumingon sa akin at agarang nahuling nakatingin ako sa kanya. Nangingiti ko siyang tiningnan habang galit agad ang titig.

“Ano?”

Ngumuso ako at umiling. “I’m just… happy.”

Ilang sigundo siyang natigilan. Tumikhim siya at iniwas ang tingin.

“You… didn’t regret it, right?”

Marahan siyang umiling. “Hindi naman…”

My lips stretched more. Pumikit ako at natawa. So there’s really a chance that he would say yes to me? Damn…

“I’m so in love with you, damn it.” I murmured uncontrollably.

Hindi siya nagsalita ngunit noong dumilat ako, pulang pula habang hawak niya pa rin ang phone ko. I took his other hand and led it to my lips as I kissed its back. Pinadulas ko ang mga daliri ko sa daliri niya at hinawakan siya.

“Take your time, Shiloh. I could wait for a lifetime. I really don’t mind…”

“P-Paano ang reputasyon mo?”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “What reputation?”

“Maraming nakakakilala sa’yo. K-Kung malalaman nila na…”

“I don’t care.”

“Sila Rick… Pag nalaman nila na…” He couldn’t finish his words, and I could feel that he was scared.

“Why? Are you saying yes to me right now?” namamaos kong kumpirma.

“Isipin mong mabuti ang pinapasok mo, Brent. Kung sa babae ka… walang masasabi sa’yo ang nakakakilala sa’yo. Hindi masisira ang reputasyon mo.”

Umiling ako. “They don’t affect me…”

“Hindi mo pa ’yan nasasabi ngayon dahil nandiyan pa sila. Pero pag… isa isa silang tumalikod sa’yo… magsisisi ka…”

I smiled weakly. He’s speaking on behalf of his past.

“They’re the ones who will lose me, Shiloh. I won’t lose anything, unless it’s you who would leave me.”

Namilog ang mga mata niya. Kumislap iyon na nakita ko ang pag-alon ng leeg niya dahil sa paglunok niya.

“May iba pang kayang magbigay ng mas malaking pagmamahal sa’yo na deserve mo…” namamaos niyang sabi, halos makita ko sa mga mata niya na gusto niya lamang manatili sa linya.

I closed my eyes. “How little are you right now that I can’t deserve you yet?”

“Just… too little,” he whispered back.

Halos mamungay ang mga mata ko nang tingnan ko siyang muli. The dimness of the room didn’t hide the twinkling pain in his eyes.

“Then… can I have that little part of my big world until I can have it fully, little by little?”

His eyes widened.

“May mas karapat dapat sa’yo na may maibibigay pa higit sa kayang ibigay ko, Brent…”

“I don’t care about what they could give to me. I only care about what I’m willing to give… just to deserve your little world, Shiloh.”

His eyes immediately turned weak and bloodshot. I smiled.

“Don’t worry about my reputation, about my friends, or about me. I didn’t court you just for fun. When I said I’d fight for it, I meant the entire world against me. And nothing can snap me from standing in between you and those people who would turn their back against me. I’d protect you from them. You could stay at my back… and I’ll fight.”

Sumasayaw ang ningning sa mga mata niya. I could sense how scared he was to take a risk because his past was reflected in me. He’s afraid I might lose my friends if they found out about my sexuality. Or I’ll taint my popularity because I am in love with him.

“Eh… ang… ang… parents mo?”

“I meant everyone, Shiloh.”

His eyes widened as fear reflected in them.

“Kaya mong bitiwan ang lahat para lang… dito?”

“You’re the only one I want to hold, Shiloh. Nothing more…” I uttered carefully.

Chapter 27

Smile

“Oh akala ko ba may sakit, Brent?” si Angela nang bumaba na rin kami sa sala ni Shiloh pagkatapos manood ng isang movie.

I only chuckled. Natawa rin si Angela.

“Gago ka! Kinabahan ako sa’yo kanina! Kita ko ang galit mo!”

“I’m sorry…” I smiled and caressed my nape.

“Paanong hindi ’yan magogood mood eh may ginagawa,” si Rick na biglang sumulpot.

Inakbayan ako ni Tyler at malawak ang ngisi. “Nawawala pa naman si Verena. Hmm…”

I rolled my eyes. She could go to hell, which I don’t care about as long as she keeps her hands to herself.

Sumulpot din si Ronan sa gilid ko at isinandal ang kamay sa kabila kong balikat, nakatagilid ang ulo at sinusuri ang labi ko.

“Red lips. Nakatikim ’to…” panunuya niya.

Siniko ko siya paalis sa gilid ko kaya natawa agad silang dalawa ni Tyler.

Nakita ko kung paano hinila roon si Shiloh. With his eyes smiling as well as his mouth opening when he laughs, showing all of his pearly white teeth, I know he’s having fun.

“You got me so hypnotized the way your body rollin’ round and round!” the girls were vibing with the music while dancing.

I joined the boys on the sofa in the living room there were still a lot of people in the swimming pool area.

Tinapik ni Mavric ang balikat ko at binigyan ako ng shot. I sat where I could see Shiloh dancing with the girls. Wala sa sarili kong sinimsim ang alak habang naroon ang titig sa kanya.

Nagtipa ako ng mensahe sa kanya.

Ako:

No more games please

He looked at his phone while laughing with the girls and typed for a reply. Pinatay ko ang screen nang tumingin si Mavric sa phone ko.

“Basag na naman…” he commented, handing me my own shot.

“Slipped on my hand.” I shrugged until the screen lightened.

Shiloh:

Heh

I arched my brow.

Ako:

I mean, you could play the games on my phone instead

Nailing si Mavric sa gilid ko at nilagok ang kanyang shot.

“Brent. Was it Verena?” Rick tried to confirm.

The boys looked so curious.

“I am not doing anything.”

“Pero may kasama ka sa kwarto ah,” aniya. “Sino ’yon?”

“Nagwalk-out ’yan kanina noong si Shiloh at Verena na,” ani Tyler.

“Brent, I know you’re head over heels for Verena, but it was a game, dude. Shiloh chose her because she’s his friend. That’s it,” si Ronan na pinagtatakpan pa yata.

Tumango silang lahat. Man… I can’t imagine Shiloh hurting me, and they would still tolerate him.

“Shiloh wants to have fun. That’s it. Don’t get mad over petty things. He’s the son of your mother’s friend after all, dude,” si Tyler na tumingin pa sa kung saan sumasayaw ang girls.

“At ikaw naman ang mas matanda sa inyong dalawa. Magpaubaya ka nalang. Besides, Verena doesn’t like you. Just accept it,” si Connor.

Tang ina ng mga ’to. Ako nalang lagi ang nakikitang may kasalanan. Ako na nga itong badtrip kanina, ako pa ang may mali sa paningin nila! Kung hindi lang pumasok si Shiloh, baka hanggang ngayon nagkukunwari pa rin akong tulog sa itaas.

If it were a normal motherfucker, they would be roasting the man and lifting me up. Ngunit dahil si Shiloh, ako pa ang pinagtutulungan ng mga gago.

Nailing si Rick. “Alam pa naman namin ’yang ugali mo…”

At maglalapagan pa yata kami ng mga baho rito?

“What attitude?” I arched my brow.

“Ang bilis mong magalit pag pinapakialaman ang sa’yo. Remember that hoodie of him, Tyler?” Tango ni Ronan sa kanya.

“Ah… that hoodie I clumsily wore because he left it at the top of the men’s locker room. Ilang araw niyang hinahanap tapos isang lingo nang nasa akin. Sinusuot ko…” si Tyler nang natatawang maalala ’yon.

“’Yung sinuntok ka niya?” si Connor na natawa rin habang kumukuha ng pulutan.

“Oo dude! Ang sakit ng panga ko! Pinahubad ba naman sa akin at hinampas pa sa mukha ko. Galit na galit!” si Tyler na nakangisi akong tiningnan.

“Pinigilan ko lang si Brent no’n. Tang ina kasi. Parang bata. Para hoodie lang…” si Ronan na nailing.

“Kaya nga simula noon, pag sa kanya, hindi ginagalaw. Kulang nalang minsan itali ko sa leeg niya ’yang gamit niya nang masakal siya sa sobrang damot,” si Rick.

“What’s mine is mine. I just hate when people touch my things without my consent.”

“Gago ka! Eh paano nalang ’yung sapatos mong gusto kong hiramin!” si Rick na nanliliit ang mga mata.

“Pumayag ako ah? Ikaw ang tumanggi,” sabi ko.

“Don’t fuck with me, Brent. Paanong hindi ko tatanggihan kung nilagay mo ’yung tarantula ni Mavric sa loob?”

Humagalpak ang boys. Natawa rin ako nang maalala kung gaano siya ka windang noon.

“Hoodie mo ’yang suot ni Shiloh ah?” puna ni Mavric nang marinig namin ang malakas na tawanan ng mga girls.

“S’yempre Brent, hindi ka naman siguro ganoon ka hayop para mag-amok dahil lang sinuot niya? Bibilhan kita ng lima niyan. Tang ina mo,” si Rick na irita agad ang tingin sa akin.

“Kahit isaksak mo sa baga mo, Brent. If we found out you got mad for a childish reason—”

“Ako ang nagpahiram. Gago kayo,” putol ko dahil parang ang demonyo na yata ng tingin nila sa akin.

His t-shirt got damp from the game earlier, which is why I grabbed my hoodie in the car and made him wear it.

They calmed down a bit. Connor nodded.

“Maturity hits real hard when you’re finally in your twenties, Brent. We understand you…”

“Nagpapabango ’yan kay Shiloh dahil sa allowance niya,” ani Tyler.

“Sa sobrang pagpapabango mo naaamoy ko na si Shiloh sa’yo,” si Macvric sabay halakhak.

I smelled myself, and he was right. The boys laughed as well, as if they found it metaphorical when Mavric meant it literally. His scent lingers with me because of what happened earlier. Damn it.

“Paamoy nga ako ng labi, Brent. Baka magkasing amoy na rin kayo ng bibig?”

“Hayop ka.” Batok ko kay Mavric na ikinatawa lamang ng boys.

At bakit nito kabisado ang amoy ng labi ni Shiloh? Nakakailan na sa akin ang gagong ’to.

“Dahil diyan sa hilig ni Shiloh sa strawberry at ’yung ice cream na parang rainbow nakuryoso pa ako at tinikman. Dude, it taste awful…” si Tyler na inilabas ang pulang dila at ngumiwi.

“Ano nalang ’yung pinaka weird na hilig niyang chocolate. He got a weird taste in things…” si Ronan na nailing.

Chocolate? Ice cream? Are all of those… strawberries?

“What chocolate?”

“’Yung toothpaste, Brent!” hagalpak ni Connor.

“Oo tang ina ’yon! Sarap na sarap siya doon! Binigyan siya ng mga girls kasi ipaprank sana kaso naubos nalang ni Shiloh ang isang box, nanghingi pa kung meron pa ba!” Rick laughed.

“I didn’t know that…” sabi ko, hindi halos makasabay sa hagalpakan nila dahil wala akong alam.

“Mambabae ka pa!” si Connor na humalakhak.

“Ewan ko kay Shiloh. Ka kwestyon kwestyon ang mga hilig pero sige nalang. Kung saan siya masaya,” si Mavric na natatawang tumingin din sa akin.

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. Why does it not sound right to me? Kung nakahiligan ako ni Shiloh… kakwestyon kwestyon ba ’yon, Mavric? Gusto ko talagang makasuntukan ang isang ’to.

“Let’s spar tomorrow, Mav,” anyaya ko.

“Uy boxing? Sige! Miss ko na rin ang gym,” si Connor na sumali.

Akala siguro ng mga ’to hindi ko sila gagawing punching bag? Tiningnan ko ang screen ng phone ko. Hindi nagreply kaya tiningnan ko siyang muli kung saan ginawang dance floor ng mga girls ang parte ng sala. Medyo hinanap ko pa siya dahil mukhang sumiksik na sila sa ibang circles.

I typed a text.

Ako:

Don’t go too far. I can’t see you

Nangingiti niyang tiningnan ang phone niya. As soon as he read my message, his eyes immediately looked for me. I rested my elbow at the top of the headboard of the sofa as my head tilted until he found my eyes. I stifled my smile and ran my fingers lightly against my hair.

Ibinalik ni Shiloh ang tingin sa phone at nagtipa.

Shiloh:

Baka gusto mong sumayaw dito. Maraming girls

Ako:

Can’t

Ako:

I prefer watching you

Nang dinungaw niya muli ang text ko, nahuli ko ang kinontrol niyang ngiti at tumikhim, hindi na nagreply, pero natatawang tumingin agad sa girls.

I smiled and licked my lower lip. Nang ibinalik ko ang tingin sa boys, magkasalubong na ang kilay ni Rick sa akin. Napawi agad ang ngiti ko. Tang ina.

“Sinong pinopormahan mo? Nasa kaibigan lang ba natin?” he asked, intrigued.

Nanunuya ang ngiti ni Mavric sa akin. Si Tyler at Ronan ay medyo kumunot ang noo habang si Connor ay abala sa phone niya pero napapalingon sa akin.

Tumikhim ako at nagseryoso. Rick’s eyes were judging.

“Si Jessie ba, dude?” si Tyler.

“Kanina ka pa tingin nang tingin sa mga kaibigan natin habang malaki ang ngiti mo,” patuloy ni Rick.

Natatawa kong hinaplos ang buhok ko. “You’re paranoid.”

Tumingin ulit si Rick sa mga girls. Tumingin na rin ang boys doon. Noong ibinalik ni Rick, mas nagkasalubong ang kilay sa akin.

“Imposible namang si Shiloh. Tingin ka rin nang tingin sa kanya.”

Medyo kinabahan ako. He looked so confrontational, and the little curiosity in his eyes was vivid. Binasa ko ang labi. Tinapik ni Mavric ang balikat ni Rick at natawa.

“Tingnan mo sa likod ni Shiloh. Cheena Ferrer…”

Rick traced Mavric’s eyes. Hindi ko alam kung sino ’yon but she’s familiar. Sa daming babaeng pumapasok sa isip ko noon, nagkahalo halo na at nagkakapalitan pa ng pangalan.

“Dude kung si Shiloh, baka naman kasi nagkabati na. May ginawa na naman siguro ’tong hayop na ’to,” si Ronan.

Umirap ako habang ngumingiti pero medyo kumalma na dahil nadistract si Rick. Pag nalaman ’to ni Shiloh lagot na naman ako.

Natatawang naglakad ang mga girls sa amin. I shifted my weight, bracing for his presence.

Ako:

Sit beside me please

Nagsiusog agad ang ibang boys lalo na’t alam nila pag lasing ang mga girls. They would just suddenly throw themselves at us as if we were their damn bed.

Umusog si Mavric. “Shiloh.” Tawag niya at tinapik ang gilid.

Shiloh, who was still smiling while looking at the screen of his phone, looked at Mav. Gusto ko sanang sipain palayo si Mavric pero ayos na ring nandiyan siya.

“Ang ganda ni Cheena…” rinig ko ang topic ng mga girls habang lumalapit na dito.

“Buti naimbitahan mo, Angela…”

“Trending nga siya minsan sa twitter at endorser siya ng isang sikat na brand,” they continued.

Shiloh walked straight to me. Swabe ang upo niya habang pinapaypayan ang sarili. Kinuha ko ang paper plate na nasa round table at gusto iyong ipaypay sa kanya nang makita ko ang paglingon ni Rick, nakukuryoso.

I fanned myself instead, making sure that the air would travel to Shiloh. Tang inang Rick ’to.

Lumingon si Shiloh sa akin, hindi mabasa ang ekspresyon, saka nilingon si Mavric nang kumuha rin ng paper plate at direktang pinaypayan si Shiloh.

Shiloh smiled at him. Maingay na ang girls at nakisiksik sa amin habang si Angela ay umupo pa sa kandungan ni Ronan at inakbayan ito.

We are used to the girls getting clingy with us sometimes without putting any malice into it. Pero kung si Shiloh ang ikinandong ko, baka manlaki ang mga mata nila.

Man… this is so messed up. I just want to pull him back into the room so I can snuggle against him. But he wanted to bond with them, and I couldn’t stop him.

“Kumusta kayo ng girlfriend mo, Con?” tanong ni Patricia na sa gilid na sofa umupo, ang pinagseselosan lagi na dumidistansya nalang kay Connor.

“Sinusuyo ko pa ulit,” si Connor.

“Ang romantic mo naman, Con…” natatawang si Angela.

“Ipasok niyo kasi ’yung girlfriend niya sa circle niyo,” si Rick.

“Siya ang may ayaw kaming kaibiganin. Introvert ’di ba ’yon, Con? Mahiyain…” si Patricia.

“Oo mahiyain. Kaya ang hirap dalhin sa ganito.”

“Eh ikaw, Brent? Kailan mo ipapakilala ’yang pinopormahan mo at parang hindi kana lumalandi ngayon sa iba? Kahit sumayaw sa dance floor at nakikipaghalikan mailap ka ah,” si Gabriella na ako agad ang nakita pag usapang babae.

I shrugged and smiled. “Pag sinagot na siguro ako.”

Namilog ang mga mata ng girls.

“Nililigawan mo?”

“Seryoso?”

“Hala?! Totoo, Brent?!”

Sunod sunod ang tanong nila at sobrang windang.

“May pinopormahan ’yan. Seryoso,” si Mavric ang nagkumpirma.

Tumili ang mga girls. The boys looked so curious. I laughed and brushed my hair backward.

“So stop pushing me to other girls. Maarte ’yon. Pag ako nabasted…” I murmured.

“Sino ba kasi ’yan, Brent? Kahit kami wala kaming ideya ah. This is so fishy that you’re being sneaky. Where’s the fun, bro? Why are you gatekeeping your girl?” si Tyler.

“Pag sinasabi ko sa inyo laging hindi natutuloy. Mga putang ina pa naman ’yang bibig niyo.”

“Woah… why? Is this some serious shit? Sino ba ’yan?” si Ronan na sobrang kuryoso.

Inakbayan ni Mavric si Shiloh at ibinigay ang plato kung nasaan ang pulutan naming fries.

“Baka ikaw Shiloh?” si Mavric.

Shiloh looked at him with brows knit.

“Baka alam mo sinong pinopormahan ni Brent?” agap ni Mavric.

Shiloh took a fry as he ate it slowly. Lumingon siya sa akin. Ngumuso ako, ngunit agad na tumikhim at yumuko ng kaonti para itago ang ngiti ko. Para namang baliw. Ngiti nang ngiti kaya nahahalata.

“Ewan ko sa kanya.” Shiloh shrugged.

I looked at him and saw the half fry he was holding. Nailing ang mga boys habang ang mga girls ay nanliliit ang mga mata sa akin.

“Ang gagago niyo sa babae. Imposible na yatang magkakagirlfriend kayo nang matino.” Iling nila.

They were now distracted while I glanced at Rick again, who was now sipping his shot. Hinawakan ko ang pulso ni Shiloh at iginiya iyon sa bibig ko saka ko kinain ang hawak niyang fry.

My tongue licked his finger a bit. Pinakawalan ko agad ang kamay niya nang lumingon muli si Rick sa aming banda. Lumingon din si Shiloh at tumingin na sa labi ko habang ngumunguya ako.

Mavric’s fanning went so far to my face that he slapped the paper plate against my face.

“Oh sorry, Brent. I didn’t see,” si Mavric sabay ngiti sa akin.

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa kamay niyang nasa balikat pa rin ni Shiloh. I’ve been dying to take it away and bend his fingers, but I might create too much of a scene.

Kinuha ko ang phone ko at inihiga ang ulo sa headboard ng sofa. My legs were spreading apart as they already touched Shiloh’s legs, which he closed.

Ako:

Take Mavric’s hand off you, baby

The screen of his phone lightened. Tiningnan niya iyon at binasa pero pinatay niya rin ulit. So cold. Psh. Parang hindi nasarapan sa halik ko ah?

I bit my lower lip and looked at his nape. Bumaba ulit ang tingin ko sa kamay ni Mavric. Kailan ko kaya makaka boxing ang isang ’to?

Bumaling ang ulo ko sa gilid at agarang nahanap ang ulo ni Rick na nakahiga rin sa headboard habang nakatingin sa akin. Sa sobrang gulat ko halos mapabangon ako. Shit! What’s his fucking problem? This motherfucker is starting to get creepy!

Bumangon din si Rick at lumingon sa akin. Kung ganito lang pala ang gagawin niya, edi sana pinapasok ko nalang sa kuwarto kanina! Now he’s too curious about who I was with in the room.

“Uy videoke tayo guys!” si Angela na ini-on na ang malaking tv.

The party was now settling down. Napagod na ang iba kakasayaw at nagsisiupo na habang nag-iinuman. Makikita naman sa transparent glass na may mga tao pa rin sa pool at naliligo habang malakas din ang tugtog doon.

This is what I liked when parties were held at Angela’s house. Her parents weren’t that strict, as long as we didn’t include some illegal activities. Kahit umagahin kami dito magparty, ayos lang sa parents niya especially when they’re out of town. They always encourage Angela to throw a party.

Kinuha ko agad ang songbook para mamili.

“Huwag niyong pakantahin si Brent! Huling kanta niyan ang daming na-inlove!” ang girls.

I laughed and flipped the pages. Kumunot ang noo ni Shiloh at lumingon sa akin.

“Kumakanta ka?”

I nodded.

“Pang-akit sa babae, Shiloh,” si Mavric na humagalpak.

Inihampas ko sa mukha ni Mavric ang paper plate. Shiloh leaned backward just to avoid my bicep as it leveled his face. Gusto ko pa sanang hampasin si Mavric pero baka matamaan ko na si Shiloh kaya tumigil din ako at naghanap ng kakantahin.

“Kanta, Con. Brent ilagay mo ’yung pusong bato para sa kanya,” natatawang sabi ni Tyler.

“Stupid love din Brent! Tapos kami ang back-up singer, Con!” si Ronan na ginatungan pa kaya tawang tawa si Shiloh ganoon din ang girls.

Rick started rapping the first part of Stupid Love while Tyler and Ronan stood in front of Connor and did some sexy dance that everyone in our circles laughed so hard.

Shiloh’s eyes shrank as he couldn’t see anymore while clapping his hands and laughing too. His feet were even marching a bit as he couldn’t contain himself because of the topic. Naitatapon niya na ang sarili paharap kaya sinasangga ko ang katawan habang natatawa na rin ako sa reaksyon niya lalo na’t tuwang tuwa siya sa banat ng mga boys.

“Tigilan niyo ako,” si Connor na natatawa nalang din.

The girls started singing some songs. Tumitingin ang iba sa amin dahil mas maingay kami. It’s always our circles…

After four songs, the familiar intro of I picked boomed.

“Uy kanino ’to? How to love by Lil Wayne,” si Angela na iwinagayway ang mikropono.

“Kay Brent siguro ’yan. Sino bang hindi marunong magmahal dito?” natatawang bintang ng mga girls.

I stood and took the microphone to Angela’s hand. The girls eyes widened while Ronan and Tyler made some high five while laughing.

Naiiling akong natawa at bumalik sa upuan, but this time, I fit myself in between Mavric and Shiloh.

“Gago ka, Brent,” reklamo ni Mavric lalo na’t desperado akong umupo doon.

Shiloh had no choice but to move to the side until he was pinned on the shoulder of the sofa. Better.

I chuckled against the microphone and started singing the first intro.

“Cut the music up…” I sang in my deep yet calm voice.

The girls glanced at me. Kahit ang sa kabilang circles ay napatingin na rito. I leaned against the headboard of the sofa and looked at the television while folding my arms.

“You had a lot of crooks trying to steal your heart… Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out… How to love, how to love…”

The girls screamed, so I laughed again. Nasulyapan ko pa ang iba na nagvivideo. Tumingin ako saglit kay Shiloh habang kumakanta. He was staring at the television, nodding a bit as he tried to vibe with the song, but he looked flushed.

“Patahimikan mo nga ’yan, Mav. Babaha na naman ang babaeng makukuryoso sa kanya ngayong gabi,” si Ronan na tinapunan pa ako ng soft pillow.

Sinalo iyon ni Mav. I showed my middle finger while singing continuously.

“Kaya siguro ginawang perfect si Brent kasi sa babae lang siya sasablay.” Hagalpak ni Ronan.

“Imagine it, Brent, you can’t even get Verena…” si Connor na tumawa rin.

Shut-up you single motherfucker. At least I’m not brokenhearted. Gusto ko sanang sabihin kaso nagpatuloy akong kumanta.

When I reached the bridge of the song, I looked at Shiloh again secretly.

“See I just want you to know that you deserve the best, you’re beautiful, you’re beautiful… Yeah, and I want you to know You’re far from the usual, far from the usual…”

His head slowly glanced at me until he found my eyes. Nangingiti kong ibinalik ang tingin sa TV. I finished the song while smiling and gave it to Connor since it’s his turn now.

“Dude huwag kang umiyak!” si Tyler na inambahan pang pigilan si Connor na kumanta kaya naghagalpakan kaming lahat.

Connor used the microphone and slapped it to Tyler as he dodged it while standing up and chuckling.

Connor started singing So Sick. Shiloh smiled and tilted his head to see Connor singing seriously. I crouched a bit against my parted legs and arched my brow. Noong ako ang kumanta hindi ngumiti… tapos ngayong si Connor…

Kinuha ko ang songbook at inilagay ulit ang So Sick. Pag hindi ka ngumiti sa akin…

Shiloh stopped glancing at Connor since he couldn’t barely see him. Instead, he tried to reach for the plate on the table.

I took the plate and also the soft pillow on Mavric’s lap, and put it against Shiloh’s lap. Doon ko inilagay ang plato para masolo niya.

When So Sick came again, I sang it. Nanatili ulit ang tingin ni Shiloh sa TV, tahimik na doon tumingin. Buong kanta yata hindi lumingon kaya naglagay ulit ako ng kanta.

The next song was from Connor. Kinuha niya ulit ang microphone sa akin. Shiloh glanced at his side and smiled again. Mas lumakas pa ang tawanan nang pabirong tumayo si Tyler at Ronan sabay nag sexy dance sa harapan ni Connor habang kumakanta siya ng brokenhearted song.

When the intro of the song I put earlier, one of Bazzi’s song, started, I took the microphone from Connor.

“This my baby…” I sang in my low voice as I secretly looked at Shiloh beside me.

Sa sobrang lakas ng tili ng mga girls, hindi lang yata dito sa circles namin, natawa ako. And Shiloh, who finally snapped as he slowly glanced his head at me, found my eyes in him.

“Touching you slowly, love how you hold me…  was a player, that was the old me…”

Shiloh couldn’t take his eyes off me when Mavric put his hand against my shoulder. Mabilis siyang nag-iwas ng tingin at ibinalik sa TV. Are you that happy that you can’t smile for me?

“Grabeng parinig sa nililigawan, Brent!” natatawa niyang bigkas kaya kahit ang mga boys ay kinutya na ako.

Baka kahit maubos ko lahat ng kanta sa songbook bingi-bingihan pa rin si Shiloh.

“Nandito ba? Sino?” si Ronan na iginagala na ang tingin.

“Baka si Cheena Ferrer talaga?” si Tyler na tumingin doon.

“O baka ’yung pinsan ni Verena. Kaso nandoon ’yun sa pool,” si Connor.

“Who’s the unlucky girl, Brent?” natatawang tanong ng mga girls.

Rick tilted his head again, trying to spot Shiloh who was silent beside me. Mavric tilted his head, blocking his sight.

“Naiin-love ka ba kay Brent, Rick? Nakakabading ba ang boses?”

“Hayop ka, Mav!” si Rick na tinapunan siya ng soft pillow kaya natatawa iyong sinalo ni Mavric.

Chapter 28

Limit

“Let’s go outside. Manigarilyo tayo.” Anyaya ni Mavric.

Tumango ako at tumayo. He invited the other boys, but they were eager to stay and watch the girls in the other circle.

Nilingon ko si Shiloh na tinabihan na ni Rick. I was a bit concerned, but when Shiloh laughed and it seemed like they were having some funny topics, I calmed down. Tumingin pa si Rick at nahuli akong nakatingin sabay angat ng kilay. I took my eyes off of them. Hindi ko talaga alam kung anong problema ng gagong ’to.

Dumaan kami sa pool. The girls watched us and smiled. Tumingin ako sa ibang banda at nakita si Sadie roon. Umangat ang kilay ko. Kaya pala wala sa loob. Kahit sila Verena, nandoon din.

Sa parking space kami dumeritso. He took a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket as I sat on the head of my car. Pumangalumbaba ako sa nakaparteng hita at sinalo ang pakete ng sigarilyong inilahad niya.

Nagsindi siya habang kumukuha ako ng isa at inilagay sa gilid ng labi ko. But I wasn’t in the mood to smoke, so I didn’t light it. Baka… hahalikan ako mamaya. Maarte pa naman ’yon.

“Here,” si Mavric na inilahad sa akin ang lighter.

Kinuha ko iyon at pinaglaruan lang sa kamay ko. Ibinuga niya ang usok at tiningnan saglit an screen ng phone saka isinilid sa kanyang bulsa.

“Kumusta ’yung pinopormahan mo? Successful ba?” Nanunuya siyang ngumiti sa akin.

I licked my lower lip and smiled. Itinuko ko sa likuran ang mga kamay at tiningala ang kumikislap na langit.

“Kilala mo?” I asked.

He only laughed. Tumikhim ako.

“What happened to you and Chloe? Mukhang hindi natuloy ang pamomorma mo ah?” tanong ko nang maalala iyon.

“Ah…” he chuckled and shook his head.

Tumingin ako sa kanya.

“Nahuli kami ng kapatid niya sa sala.” He laughed again.

Namilog ang mga mata ko at humagalpak. “Tang ina?”

Tumango siya at binasa ang labi habang hawak ang sigarilyo.

“’Yung kapatid niya pang naka one-night stand ko.”

My eyes widened, and I barked a laugh. “Tarantado!”

Nailing siya at pinasadahan ng haplos ang buhok.

“Imagine my shock that they’re actually blood related. I almost want to throw myself out of the house.”

“Ano bang ginagawa niyo? Like kissing or?”

“Just some fondling. Nahuli ng kapatid niyang nasa loob ng blusa niya ’yung kamay ko. Anong iisipin no’n? Na naghahanap ako ng bibliya doon? Of course, it’s obvious that we’re making out.”

Nailing ako at napangisi. “So… that’s the reason why you’re not into her anymore?”

He shrugged and laughed about it. “Just some realizations…”

“If you really want a serious relationship with her, you’d take a risk.”

Mavric isn’t really the asshole type. Well, yes, he does play around and keep some fuck buddies for fun. But most of the time, he’s serious with girls, trying his luck, having girlfriends, and all, but it always ends up in breakups.

Kung may pinakamatino sa amin, it was Connor. Kung may pinaka masahol, it’s me, Tyler, and Ronan. Mavric and Rick were kind of boyfriend-material boys, or just in between getting serious and playing around.

“You always do the high maintenance girls. Ang hilig mo sa modelo. Baka opposite talaga ang para sa’yo.”

“I don’t think it’s the opposite anymore.” He smiled and tapped my shoulder.

Noong maubos niya ang isang stick, at ang akin ay hindi ko man lang ginalaw, bumalik din kami sa loob at muling sumali sa boys.

I went to Shiloh, but Rick looked at me again. Siya na ang nasa tabi ni Shiloh. Tumikhim ako at sa kanya tumabi. Si Mavric naman ay sa gilid ko rin habang ang mga girls ay may kung ano nang topic habang naka squat sa sahig.

Nagsisigawan sa kabilang circle. It seems like they’re having fun too. Nakita ko ang pagtayo ng isang babae roon at natatawang naglakad patungo sa amin.

“Damn… Cheena Ferrer,” the boys gasped.

Tumigil siya sa harap namin, or… let’s say sa harap ko.

“Uh, it’s a dare…” She smiled seductively and brushed her hair backwards while pointing at her circle.

“What dare?” tanong ko.

“Uh…”

“Go Cheena!” they cheered.

She laughed and looked at me again. “To pick the man you find hot tonight?”

“Ah…” I chuckled.

Clearly, there were a lot of hot men in our circle. Wala namang tapon. Ako lang yata itong parang magnet at lapitin lagi dahil alam ng lahat gaano ako ka playboy.

She crouched and attempted to kiss me, so I immediately tilted my head to avoid it. Nagulat siya. I took his hand off my nape while she blinked twice.

“I’m courting someone else. Baka ma turn-off sa akin,” ngiti ko.

Nalaglag ang panga ng mga kaibigan ko. Tyler and Ronan looked at each other as if they had heard a Latin word from me. Mavric laughed and shook his head while the girls in our circles were widening their eyes, shocked that I refused to be kissed when it was my nature to always let these girls kiss me like I was the town’s boyfriend.

“O-Oh… I’m sorry! Oh my god! They were saying you were single.”

Umiling ako. “It’s fine. Technically, I’m single, but I’m not available.”

Namumula siya at tumalikod agad, bumalik na sa circles niya.

“Wow, Brent. Tinanggihan mo si Cheena Ferrer,” si Angela.

“Dude, I am now invested in who’s the woman you are courting. You wasted Shila, Verena’s cousin, and now… Cheena Ferrer? Boy, you’re fucked. In love kang gago ka,” si Ronan.

I shrugged and smirked at them proudly. Mavric was shaking his head while laughing. Si Rick, kumukunot ang noo habang nakaakbay pa kay Shiloh at naninimbang ang titig sa akin.

“Artist student hindi ba, Brent?” kumpirma niya sa seryosong tinig.

I nodded slowly.

“Magaganda ang artist students, dude,” si Mavric.

Mas nagtagal ang titig ni Rick sa akin. Tumayo si Shiloh. Nag-amba akong tumayo nang pinigilan ako ni Mavric habang si Rick ay tumatayo at muling tumingin sa akin. Shiloh said something to him and seems like they’re now heading to the kitchen.

“Sunod ka nang sunod. Let him move around,” ani Mavric.

Tumikhim ako at sumulyap sa kanilang dalawa. Rick didn’t stop there. Sometimes I would even find his eyes glaring at me as if I had done something wrong. Lasingin ko nga ’to nang makalimot ngayong gabi diyan sa mga haka-haka niya.

Sa tumatagal na inuman, napapansin ko na ang madalas na pagtingin ni Shiloh sa grupo nila Cheena. I saw him take his eyes off Cheena when she laughed and brushed her hair lightly. I was quite bothered about it because he seems distracted now that he sometimes knits his brows. Wala na nga yatang naririnig ito sa topic ng circles namin.

Tahimik na siya buong oras. He would sometimes smile a little, but then he would suddenly get serious and look at his nails, as if he were too distracted. Even the other boys noticed that he’s silent. And Rick was now three times pissed every time he looked at me. Ako pa yata ang masisisi rito.

The party ended at exactly three. I had some shots earlier, but because he seems so distant now, it made me sober.

Around four, I still couldn’t sleep. Naglapag lang kami ng kutson sa sahig. The bed was owned entirely by Shiloh.

Bumangon ako at tiningnan ang boys. When they had some shots, tulog mantika ’yan. But mostly, they wake up earlier than me. Kung hindi ako nag-aalarm simula noong pinagluluto ko si Shiloh, hindi na yata mababago ang body clock ko.

I pulled myself to the bed and occupied the space beside him. Nakatalikod siya at nakatalukbong. Nang gumalaw ang ulo niya at lumingon, nagulat ako. He’s still awake?

“Sa baba,” he ordered.

Fuck. He’s mad.

But instead of following him, I shifted my position, facing his back entirely, and pulled him close to me.

Nagtalukbong agad siya.

“What’s wrong?” namamaos kong bulong.

Hindi siya sumagot. I don’t want to assume here, but I could sense it has something to do with Cheena.

“Can I date you later?”

Nanatili siyang tahimik. I pulled the blanket a bit, slipping myself in. Mas naramdaman ko ang katawan niya. I traced his arm until I found his hands and joined his fingers with mine.

“Let’s do the things you like to do. Say… you could paint and I’ll watch?” patuloy kong bulong na hindi niya pa rin ikinakibo.

I kissed his shoulder and rubbed the back of his hand gently.

“I’ll buy you a sketch pad and some paint materials. I want to watch you draw, too.”

I felt how his body relaxed a bit. I pressed my face against his hair.

“Can we?”

His head slowly nodded. I smiled at his hair and kissed it a bit.

I wanted to explain about Cheena, but I guess he doesn’t want to hear that. He doesn’t just need words. It won’t be enough to put him at ease. Kung sinabayan ko siya sa mga gusto niya, malalaman niya na kaninong mundo mas gusto kong pumasok. And I would invest more time in knowing each of his parts, not just explaining why I love them but showing him how I am willing to adopt them.

“Don’t worry about the girls around me. Worry about how I act when they’re around,” I whispered meaningfully, just to at least lessen what was bugging his mind.

I caressed the back of his hand continuously with my thumb. Minutes later, I heard his heavy sighs. Mukhang nakatulog na yata. Did that bother him that he… couldn’t sleep? Ngayon ako pa yata ang mapupuyat dahil kakaisip na nagtagal iyon sa isip niya.

Naramdaman kong hinawakan niya ang palad ko lalo na’t nakapatong iyon sa akin. It was an unconscious act while he was in the middle of his sleep. Sa halip na mapangiti, it kind of hurt me.

He’s having a hard time with this. Akala ko madali lang ’to. Pag umamin ako, pinatunayan ko, hindi napagod kakaligaw. ayos na. But I realized it wasn’t the problem at all.

I underestimated it. I was too invested in protecting him—that I’d fight for him, that I’d shelter him—but I have forgotten that he has his own battle he needs to overcome first before fighting with me.

He considered my friends. He considered my reputation and even my family. Kaya ko ang lahat ng iyon. Ngunit sa parte niya, kaya niya ba?

Sure, I could say that he doesn’t need to fight. But he has his own life too. My friends were now his own friends too. He had his own reputation, too. And… he has his own family, too.

Kaya kong tumalikod. Kaya kong bitiwan lahat. I was sure of it. But for Shiloh, who seemed isolated for so long and who doesn’t want to be left out anymore, he held on to those things I am ready to sacrifice for us. He treasures them. He wanted them to stay, and if the only way to keep them in his life is to let go of something that’s making him choose between these families, friends, and a love that could change his life, he’d rather let go of the latter. It was the reason why, maybe, he was afraid to hold me. He was afraid to lose all of these things he had found again after being lost for so long.

I sighed heavily and pulled my hand back toward me. Kinumutan ko siya nang maayos saka ako bumalik sa ibaba.

Ipinatong ko ang kamay sa aking mga mata at bumuntonghininga. Damn, this is harder than I thought…

Nagising ako sa umaga, o kung ano mang oras na, dahil sa yumuyugyog sa akin. I groaned and pushed it. Damn it!

My eyes were still too sleepy. Hindi ko alam kung anong oras na akong nakatulog kagabi. Kaya noong may yumuyugyog na naman, sa sobrang iritasyon ko, bumangon ako.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS—” My words stopped immediately as soon as I saw who it was.

Bumaba agad ang galit ko at mabilis na kumalma. It’s my sunshine.

Tumikhim ako habang gulat na gulat siya. He didn’t expect my sudden outburst and my angry voice when I roared half of my curse.

“Good morning,” namamaos kong bati.

Nakatayo lang siya doon, gulat na gulat at hindi makapaniwala. Oh fuck. The boys probably sent him here to wake me up because they knew what would happen. At bakit hindi tumunog ang alarm ko?

“Hindi na kita gigisingin sa susunod. Kahit bangungutin ka,” he hissed and walked out.

“That’s so mean…” I frowned.

He went out of the door, stopped there, and faced me again. He leaned a bit while sticking his head between the ajar door as he leered at me.

“Huwag kanang gumising. Matulog ka nalang habang buhay.” And then he slammed the door shut.

He slammed the fucking door.

Tumikhim ako at hinaplos ang leeg ko. What’s his favorite chocolate again? I think I need to buy tons of it today to distract him.

I immediately took a bath. Lumabas din ako sa kuwarto at si Tyler at Ronan nalang ang naroon kasama si Angela habang naririnig ko ang tinig ng girls sa pool. I was in such a good mood, and the first thing I saw were his glares. Good lord…

“Uy Brent! May hinandang brunch si Shiloh sa’yo!” si Angela na ngiting ngiti at binuksan ang mesa na may takip.

Shiloh went to the table and took the plate with him as he ate the sandwich and walked to the pool. Napawi ang ngiti ni Angela. Kahit ako, nakamot ang batok.

The boys laughed and gave each other high fives.

“Sa lakas ng sigaw mo abot dito,” si Tyler.

“Minura mo, Brent. Bawas allowance ka sa bagong pasok na buwan! Magsusumbong ’yan sa mommy mo,” si Ronan na talagang tawang tawa.

Sa sobrang irita ko, pinagsisipa ko ang likod nila lalo na’t alam kong pasimuno nila ’yon. Humagalpak lamang silang lalo.

“Alam mo Brent, mas mabuting huwag na kayong pagsamahin dalawa. Hindi kayo nagkakasundo. Ikaw talaga ang may problema,” Angela hissed and followed Shiloh.

Wow. Now I am not just the drama but also the problem? What a fucking life.

Shiloh is really the hardest shorty to deal with when he’s pissed. Una, hindi ka papansinin. Pangalawa, barado ka lagi. Pangatlo, kulang nalang tratuhin kang hangin!

Pauwi na kami pero talagang naroon siya sa likod ng kotse umupo. At sa pinakagilid pa ng pinto, kulang nalang itago ang sarili niya hindi lamang maabot ng tingin ko sa salamin.

“Dadaan ako sa Mall. You might wanna come?” anyaya ko nang tumigil sa parking lot ng SM.

Tahimik siyang tumingin sa bintana. And wow, he’s wearing an earphone.

Lumabas ako at umikot sa bintana. But then the snob just immediately went to the other side of the window and put his full attention there. He’s even banging his head while listening to music.

Nag-amba akong maglakad doon, tumigil sa gitna, at nakita kong nag-aamba din siyang lumipat. I shut my eyes and sighed. Fine.

Nagtipa ako ng mensahe at pumasok na sa mall.

Ako:

I’ll be back.

Hindi siya nagreply kaya dumeritso na ako papasok. Man. He really has the sassiest attitude that you will never win against unless you give up yourself.

Binilisan ko ang pagbili noong sinabi ko sa kanya. I took some sketch pads and asked the saleslady about the best paint to use. This shit was pricey. But then I bought all of the colors he needed. I also included some expensive pencils for sketching.

“Mav,” tawag ko.

“Oh? Hindi ka nagising nang maaga. Akala ko ba magboboxing tayo?”

“Next time… Uh… what’s that toothpaste again?”

“Toothpaste? Anong toothpaste?” Humagalpak siya.

“I mean the chocolate. ’Yung nagustuhan ni Shiloh.”

“Ah… mint chocolate…”

“Alright, thanks—”

“Nag-away na naman kayo?”

“Pinagising nila Tyler sa akin. Naalimpungatan ako.” I scratched my head while going to the grocery store. “Bye. I’m at the mall…”

“What mall? Nandito rin ako.”

“SM… Nasa parking lot si Shiloh. Nagpaiwan.”

“O sige. Dadaanan ko.”

“Sinabi ko bang daanan mo—”

He turned the call off. Fuck. I bought a box of the chocolate he wants, some drinks, and those sweets he likes too. Ang tatamis lahat pero ang ugali ni Shiloh mas pait pa sa ampalaya.

Shiloh:

Brent?

Umangat ang aking kilay. Himala at nagtext. I called him, excited that he texted, until he picked it up.

“Your temper has finally cool down?” I laughed.

Narinig ko ang mabibigat niyang paghinga.

“U-Umalis na tayo—”

There were some banging on the background. Parang may humahampas sa bintana. I heard him shrieked. What’s happening?

His breath were now three times heavy. He seems panicking.

“Palabas na ako.” Mabilis na ang kilos ko.

The call ended. Mas lalo kong binilisan ang kilos makarating lang agad sa parking lot hanggang sa natanaw ko si Mavric na may kausap na lalake at mukhang pinapaalis niya.

“Mav…” tawag ko at agad na tiningnan ang kotse lalo na’t nasa harapan sila.

I tried to check if Shiloh was there. Nandoon pa rin. I saw him trembling. His mannerisms, which I haven’t seen for so long, have reminded me how distant he was the first time he came here.

“Umalis kana,” si Mavric na tinaboy muli ang lalake.

I was livid. The anger was banging inside me. Whoever caused it, I knew he scared Shiloh.

Ibinaba ko ang mga dala ko at nilingon ang lalake. At paano ko ba makakalimutan ang mukha sa video na iyon kung itinatak ko sa isip ko na pag nakita ko siya rito sa Manila, talagang ihahampas ko siya.

“Kilala ko ’yan. Kahit itanong niyo. Shiloh Ching Escarra ang pangalan niyan. Magkaibigan kami sa Cebu. Shiloh, ’di ba!” Inambahan niyang silipin sa kotse kaya sa iritasyon ko, itinulak ko palayo.

I know it was a forceful push because his back was slammed on the car next to mine. Umungol siya at irita agad ang tingin sa akin.

“Gago ka ah?” Nag-amba siyang lumapit kaya tumayo ako sa harap niya. His attempt stopped. Tumawa siya at naiiling na inilagay ang magkabilang kamay sa gilid ng kanyang baywang.

“Ano, Shiloh? Hindi ka lalabas? Baka gusto mong malaman nila?” ngisi niya ng nakakaloko.

I smirked. This fucker got the guts, huh.

Shiloh panicked a bit that we heard how the door clicked inside. Pinigilan iyon ni Mavric at itinulak pasara.

“Close the window, Shiloh,” si Mavric sa mahinahong tinig.

“Huwag na kayong mag-away! Kilala ko siya!” si Shiloh na natataranta at namumutla sa takot.

“Close it,” si Mavric, sa hinahon ng tinig niya, alam kong seryoso siya.

Shiloh got so scared that he immediately closed it. Namulsang sumandal si Mavric sa may pinto, sinisiguradong hindi siya magtatangkang lumabas.

My hands turned into fists. The video was now playing in my mind, and I wanted to throw some punches until I wrecked his face. Kung may nagpipigil man sa akin, iyon ay dahil sa galit ko, baka hindi ko alam kung anong magagawa ko sa harap ni Shiloh.

“Ano, Brent?” Tango ni Mavric sa akin at nagawa pang kunin ang pakete ng sigarilyo para magsindi.

“Nasa gym lang ngayon sila Tyler. They can drive here for five minutes straight if we call them.”

If I punch this fucker right now, I will only reflect what he has done to Shiloh right in front of him. At ayokong bumalik sa alaala niya iyon. Ayokong pati ako, isa sa katakutan niya.

“Ang aangas niyo ah? Bakit? Kilala niyo ba ’yan nang lubusan? Baka magulat kayo!” Humalakhak siya.

“Captain ka ng basketball na makakalaban namin ah?” Tango ko at tiningnan siya mula ulo hanggang paa.

“Ah… ’Yan na ba ’yon? Marunong ka bang magbasketball, dude?” si Mav at nagngisihan kaming dalawa.

The confidence he’s wearing has slowly worn off because of the way Mavric insulted him.

“Magkita tayo sa court. Kami ang makakalaban niyo patungong finals. Let’s settle the fight there.” I smiled sarcastically and tapped his shoulder.

Sa iritasyon niya, marhas niyang inialis ang kamay ko. Nanunuya akong natawa.

“Huwag na tayong magsuntukan. Ayokong lumpo ka sa game natin. Paano kita kakawawain doon kung bubugbugin kita ngayon?” I smirked.

He scoffed and looked to the other side with a mocking smile, but as soon as he looked at me, his expression hardened, and he threw a punch. I immediately dodged his first strike as I raised my hands while Mav and I looked at each other while laughing.

“Woah… Chill! You got no balls if that hurt your ego. I was expecting too high with the Captain of the Cebu’s basketball team. Ikaw na talaga ’yon?” nanunuya kong sabi.

“Ang yayabang niyo. Tingnan natin ang angas niyo sa court kung nilampaso namin kayo,” he growled.

“Magdala ka rin ng walis, dude,” gatong ni Mavric kaya natatawa kaming nag-apir.

The man snapped. Itinulak niya ako sa dibdib at tinatanguan ako sa maangas na paraan habang hinahawakan na ang kwelyo ng suot ko. I didn’t budge, smirked at him, and pointed at the CCTV.

“Imagine if I submitted it and you got disqualified on the first game because of this trouble you started. Pwede ko ’tong gamiting strategy ngayon para manalo kami. But as the captain of my team, I want a fair game. At mandadaya pa ba ako kung ikaw ang makakalaban? Matatambakan kana nga sa score… madidisqulified ka pa? Anong iuuwi niyong mukha sa Cebu?” I teased.

“Mukha ba ’yan, Brent? Parang paa lang yata ang maiuuwi niyan,” si Mavric na natatawang hinithit ang sigarilyo habang nanatiling nakabulsa ang isang kamay.

I can’t imagine if the other boys are here. With Tyler and Ronan’s insults, this motherfucker would puke blood and regret why he approached Shiloh. Kami palang dalawa ni Mavric pikon na pikon na siya, ano nalang kaya kung kumpleto kami. Iiyak ’to.

“That’s so mean, Mav. We don’t abuse animals here…”

Humagalpak si Mavric kaya natatawa kong tiningnan ulit ang lalake. He glanced at the CCTV and clenched his jaw. Marahas niyang inalis ang mga kamay niya sa kwelyo ko. He pointed at my chest.

“Babalikan ko kayo. Hindi niyo yata kilala ang binabangga niyo. Zero loss.”

“Then I’ll serve your first loss.” I smiled.

Nailing siya at natatawang umalis. Ngunit noong nasa kalagitnaan na, tumigil at lumingon.

“Oo nga pala. ’Yang si Shiloh, nangmulestya sa amin. Ah… siguro alam niyong dalawa ang sekreto niya. Bakit, masarap ba sumubo kaya ayos lang sa inyo na kasama siya sa grupo niyo?” He laughed.

Ah… That’s it. I’ve reached my limit.

Chapter 29

Victim

I will never tolerate any harsh words thrown at Shiloh. My movements were so aggressive that as soon as I attacked him, he couldn’t even balance himself when I pushed him hard, fell on the floor, and failed to stop me. Three consecutive punches, and he drew blood.

“Tama na, Brent,” si Mavric na nanonood at nakatakip ang buong likod sa bintana ng kotse.

I pulled myself up and clicked my neck. The man coughed and spat some blood while he rolled to the ground. Pinatunog ko ang mga darili ko.

“Nahanap mo ngayon ang katapat mo. Ako nga ang bugbugin mo,” hamon ko.

He laughed and pointed at the CCTV camera crazily, as if I had finally taken his bait.

“Patay ka ngayong gago ka.” Ngisi niya.

Yumuko ako at sinabayan ang nanunuyang ngisi niya.

“I have the video where you harassed Shiloh. With your team. Naka jersey kayong lahat doon ah? Where was that? Inside the school? Did the school favor all of you and kick out the person who was actually the real victim?”

Napawi ang ngiti niya. Ah? So that video wasn’t exposed, huh? I tapped his shoulder.

“I’ll hold back. Sa court natin ’to tapusin. I’d expect you’d shoot at least once in the court since your punches didn’t even reach on my face. Make sure the ball would at least reach the ring, huh.”

With the wrath in his eyes, I know he’s determined to play with us.

“Brent Matthew Jarsdel. Search me on the internet so you’d see my play too. It might motivate you.” I urged.

Nailing si Mavric at nanunuya ang ngiti sa labi. Tumayo ako at naglakad na palapit sa kotse.

“Bakit mo ’yan pinagtatanggol eh bakla ’yan? Nagpapanggap lang ’yan na lalake pero gusto niyan mangmolestya,” natatawang bigkas ng lalake kahit na umuukit ang sakit sa mukha niya at tinutulungang itayo ang sarili.

Nilingon ko siyang muli.

“Really? When the video I’ve seen is the opposite of your accusations.”

Gumalaw ang panga niya sa sobrang iritasyon. Ngunit kalaunan, natawa.

“Sige nga, ipagkalat mo ang video. Tingnan natin kung sinong kakampihan. Lalo na’t alam mo na agresibo ang mga bakla sa lalake. Tingin mo kung sasampahan niya kami ng kaso kasi binugbog namin siya, at sinampahan din namin siya ng kaso na minolestya niya kaming lahat, sino bang mas paniniwalaan? Tingin mo kakaawaan siya kung alam ng lahat ang ugali ng mga bakla pagdating sa lalake!”

My expression darkened. He was flipping the real side of the story to make Shiloh look dirty and so that they could get away from harassing him. That it was Shiloh who harrased them first, when the video showed it was them who harrased him for that petty reason of his! Dahil doon sa binibintang niyang inaahas siya ni Shiloh!

“Kaya nga ’yan umalis sa Cebu dahil sa eskandalo niya! Hindi ’yan papayag na masiwalat ang kabaklaan niya para makapangbiktima pa! Sige! Ilabas mo ang video! Tingnan natin kung sino ang hindi magiging katawa tawa sa internet. Isang labas lang namin ng paliwanag na minolestya kami, kakampihan kaming lahat. Lalo na’t lalake kami. At bakla siya. At kayo, magiging katawa tawa para ipagtanggol ang taong nangmolestya.”

My jaw clenched. I stepped forward for another punch, and this time I was eager to bang his face until he couldn’t speak, but Mavric pulled me back. Umiling siya sa akin, seryoso ang tingin.

The man laughed and pulled himself up.

“Tingnan mo nga ’yang kilos niya! Binabae! Malambot pa sa babae! Mahilig pa nga ’yan sa lipstick! Sinong lalake ang gagamit ng make-up? Bakla ang gagong ’yan!”

Bullshit! I attempted to step forward, but Mavric was eager to stop me. The man showed his middle finger to us with a mocking smile on his lips and a cut while walking out.

“Magkita tayo sa court. At dalhin niyo si Shiloh para naman ma inspired kaming maglaro.”

Dumilim ang ekspresyon ni Mavric at lumuwag na ang hawak sa akin. But then a guard showed up, checking what the commotion was all about. The man slipped himself into the car while smirking at us with a stain of blood on his lips. Bumusina pa ang gago at nagpaharurot na sa minamanehong kotse niya.

“Ayos lang ba kayo, sir?” the guard asked.

I nodded silently. Tumingin si Mavric sa kotse at tinapik din ang balikat ko.

“Sa court tayo bumawi. Zero loss. They’re aiming for the finals. Let’s beat them there. And then let’s ask for evidence that Shiloh harassed them before we file a case.”

I was pure livid. Nagsusuntukan ang galit sa akin dahil siya pa ang may malakas na loob na magyabang. They were flipping the real side of the story, making Shiloh look dirty because they were accusing him of being gay just because he’s feminine. And that society would always side with the boys when it came to gays as victims.

Yes, we have a victim of harassment in our circle too. But I will never believe them for flipping the real side of the story when I see the video! When I heard the conversation! When Shiloh was more traumatized for what they had done to him! Kung may namolestya man rito, si Shiloh iyon!

At hinding hindi ko sila paniniwalaan hangga’t hindi mismo kay Shiloh nanggaling ang katotohahan. But no. I stand by the truth. And I know Shiloh was the real victim here. I have that fucking evidence, and that’s enough to prove that those were his perpetrators!

“Calm down. We’ve all known Shiloh more than that scumbag. He never touched us, Brent. And every time he flinches while the boys are around, it’s clear here who’s the real victim. Let’s not get fooled by empty words unless they didn’t show proof that Shiloh harassed them.”

Hindi ko man lang napagtanto na nandito si Mavric at narinig ang lahat ng iyon. But I know he knows what’s between me and Shiloh. Kung paano niya nalaman, iyon ang hindi ko alam.

Kinuha ko ang mga binili ko at inilagay sa likod ng kotse. Lumingon si Shiloh sa akin, namumutla at kabado. Iniwas ko ang tingin at kinalma ang sarili lalo na’t alam ko, sa ekspresyon ko, galit na galit ako.

I closed the back door of the car and shut my eyes. How can that fucker flip the real side of the story? How can he be so confident that he got the upper hand just because the victim was gay? That it was enough to gather some sympathy from society once he flipped the real side of the story.

Kung sino man ang kakampihan sila, magsama sama silang lahat. It just showed how twisted the mindset of these other people was, trying to side with the so-called victims without checking the facts.

“Let’s admit it, the man was quite right. You know the prejudice of the gay people in this country. It was like a sin being gay. Na mas mabigat iyon kaysa ang pagiging biktima,” si Mavric na tila ba nababasa ang tumatakbo sa isip ko.

Namulsa siya at sumandal sa pwetan ng kotse habang naitukod ko ang mga kamay ko roon.

“There’s a reason why Shiloh didn’t speak up about the video that fucker was talking about. It might because, despite of being the victim, he would be condemned just because of his sexuality. Mas kapani-paniwala sa iba na ang bakla ang nangmolestya sa lalaki, kaysa ang lalaki sa bakla, Brent. That’s how fucked up this society is.”

“Dahil lang malambot siyang kumilos, mahilig sa make-up, at naiiba sa nakasanayan natin bilang lalake, bakla na, ganoon ba? That fucker doesn’t even know that there are feminine men! That using make-up, or that lipstick he was pointing out, wasn’t about being gay! Being a man doesn’t need to be strong all the fucking time, Mavric.”

“I don’t care about his sexuality anymore, Brent. The only thing I am concerned about here is for them to keep their hands to themselves. They should not touch him again. He’s under our watch.”

Kumalma ako. Tinapik niya ang balikat ko at naglakad patungo sa driver’s seat.

“Ako na ang magdadrive,” aniya.

I nodded, pulled the key out of my pocket, and threw it at Mavric. Sinalo niya iyon.

“Imagine if Tyler and Ron are here…” naiiling niyang ngiti.

“Iiyak ’yon ng dugo kahit hindi mo susuntukin,” sabi ko at medyo umirap ngunit nahahaluan na ng matabang na ngisi ang galit kong ekspresyon.

“Gigil na gigil nga si Kael na pinaka tarantado rin…” He laughed a little.

“Iba ang tabas ng dila ni Tyler. Kahit ako mapipikon kay Tyler eh.” Iling ko at naglakad na patungo sa pinto ng back seat.

“Good luck, dude.” Tapik niya sa balikat ko.

“What? I’m not scared of them, Mav.”

“I didn’t mean that fucker. I meant that one.” Nguso ni Mavric sa nakahalukipkip na si Shiloh sa loob.

Tumikhim ako. I looked at the window and saw Shiloh lifting his head, his eyes looking at me seriously.

I licked my lip. Natatawang pumasok si Mavric sa driver’s seat. Ah… I think I would like the front seat more.

Nag-amba akong pumunta sa front seat kaso biglang bumukas ang likod. Now he wants to sit beside me? Kanina… siya ang umiiwas.

Nailing ako at tuluyang hinila pabukas ang pinto at pumasok. Umusog siya habang pinapaandar na ni Mavric ang kotse.

I cleared my throat. “Bilisan mong magdrive, Mav.”

“Traffic, Brent. Ayaw mo niyan… makakapagbond tayong tatlo sa daan?” Halakhak niya.

Tang ina mo.

“Anong… sinabi niya?” he asked, concerned.

I was still mad because if I talked right now, I might just explode.

“Nabanggit namin na kami ang makakalaban nila sa basketball,” si Mavric ang nagsalita.

Humalukipkip ako at tumingin sa labas ng bintana. Mavric probably made sure earlier that Shiloh wouldn’t see me punching that scumbag in the face. He covered the entire window.

“’Yun lang?” Shiloh tried to confirm.

“Yup.” Mavric smiled.

Lumingon si Shiloh sa akin at napatingin sa kamao ko. Tumikhim ako at ibinulsa iyon.

“Zero loss pala sa basketball ’yung captain na friend mo, Shiloh,” si Mavric sa kaswal na tinig.

“Ah… oo… pinaka magaling sila sa Cebu.”

“Eh ikaw Brent? Pinaka magaling ka saan maliban sa kama?” si Mavric na sinasali pa ako sa kahayupan niya.

Sinipa ko ang likod ng inuupuan niya. Humalakhak si Mavric. Nailing ako at napangisi. He’s making the atmosphere lighter.

“Did you know that someone is eyeing him to be recruited as part of the NBA, Shiloh?” ani Mavric.

I lazily looked outside the window again, still distracted by my anger at that dumb fucker.

“Talaga?” si Shiloh na mukhang nadidistract.

“Yup. Now you know why he’s kind of famous.”

I rolled my eyes. “It’s because I am good-looking, Mav.”

“Isearch mo sa internet, Shiloh. Sikat ’yan,” patuloy ni Mavric.

Umismid ako.

“Kaya ba maraming nakakakilala sa’yo?” si Shiloh nang lingunin ako.

“Ah… that one… It’s because of his image as a playboy too.” Mavric laughed.

I twirled my tongue inside my mouth. Sumandal ako sa upuan lalo na’t talagang kumukulo pa ang dugo ko. Mavric turned the stereo on. Lumingon si Shiloh sa akin, naninimbang ang tingin.

I remembered how he called me earlier. Sa nginig ng tinig niya, at sa pamumutla niya ngayon, pakiramdam ko, natatakot siya. The effects of what happened in the past really scarred him. And until now, it showed.

I took his hand and put it in the pocket of the hoodie I was wearing. Tumingin si Shiloh sa harap, sinisigurado yatang hindi makikita ni Mavric. I looked outside the window as I squeezed his hand, trying to calm myself as the anger was now vanishing.

Mavric didn’t stay in the unit for too long. He went home and didn’t say anything about what happened. Dumeritso rin si Shiloh sa kuwarto niya habang palakad lakad ako sa kuwarto ko.

I should distract him. Right.

Lumabas agad ako dala ang pinamili ko sa kanya nang maalala iyon. I knocked on the door and slowly opened the doorknob of his room. Nahanap ko siya sa kama na abala sa iPad niya. I showed the brown paper bag.

“Your sketch pad and paints… I also bought some chocolates for you.”

Hindi siya umimik kaya tahimik akong pumasok. I put it on his bed. And Shiloh, the curious one, looked at the paper bag again.

“Nalaman ko kila Mav na may hilig kang chocolate. I bought it too…”

His brows knit. Ramdam ko ngayon ang desperasyon niyang tingnan iyon pero nilakasan lang ata ang loob para magtigas tigasan.

I took it out and showed it to him. Namilog ang mga mata niya. Tumikhim siya at kinuha iyon sa kamay ko. He immediately pulled the drawer open and hid his chocolates, as if I would take them from him.

Ngumiti ako at inilabas pa ang ibang pinamili. To his curiosity, he also peeked his head on the bag while I took it one by one.

“Magandang brand ’to,” sabi niya nang ilabas ko ang color painting.

“The saleslady recommended it.”

Hindi siya nagdalawang isip na buksan iyon. He looked so excited as his eyes sparkled.

“Pati itong paint brush. Maganda ’to. Ganito ’yung gamit ko kaso nasa school,” aniya.

Really?

I folded my arms while he was now taking everything out of its box, as he seemed invested in trying it right away.

Inilapag niya iyon isa isa sa sahig at mukhang doon siya magpipinta. He was about to squat when I stopped him. Kumuha ako ng walis at siniguradong walang alikabok doon para hindi siya madumihan.

He sat on the ground and folded his leg a bit as he used his lap to put the sketch pad I bought for him on while he was now starting to draw.

Tumikhim ako at umupo sa likod niya. I rested my leg on his other side while I folded the other and rested my elbow on my knee as I watched him paint.

“Huwag kang gumalaw,” banta niya habang patuloy siyang gumuguhit.

I shook my head and watched him. The movements of his hand were precise. He knew what he was doing. In each stroke he made, you could really tell that he knew the measurements of the lines because he wasn’t even erasing them. And he draws a strawberry. Phew.

“Wow. You make it so easy,” sabi ko nang makita ang kinalabasan.

I could feel that he was now distracted by what he was doing, while my mind was still wondering from somewhere else. Titig na titig ako sa mukha niya habang seryoso siya sa ginagawa.

When they pointed out that he’s handsome, I slowly realized that he has a manly side too. He’s gorgeously handsome. Idagdag pang maputi, matangos ang ilong, at medyo singkit, hindi mo alam kung gwapo ba o maganda. And he can ace both. Effortlessly.

“May sinabi ba siya?” he asked out of nowhere.

And it seems like no matter what he does, he’s occupied by what happened earlier too.

“Tell me once you’re ready,” I said carefully.

Natigilan siya.

“Kaibigan ko siya. Varsity din. Kasali ako noon sa isang varsity kaso tumigil ako kasi naging sakitin.”

He’s opening-up! I listened carefully, making sure that I wouldn’t interrupt him.

“May nagustuhan siyang babae kaso…ako ang gusto.”

Ah? So that’s why that fucker was pointing out that Shiloh is a snake, huh?

“Pero hindi ko gusto ’yung babae. Ayon, nagalit siya. Kaya hindi na kami magkaibigan,” he explained, skipping the other parts.

Well, yeah? Now tell me how that fucker harassed you. Come on, Shiloh. Huwag mong pagtakpan ang hayop na ’yon.

“Why did the school kick you out?” I asked, wanting to hear the reason straight from his mouth.

“Pinag-iinitan na nila ako. Sinali si Lola kaya nasuntok ko. Kaya ayon, na kicked-out ako.” He shrugged.

My lips stretched for a smile. “How hard?”

Lumingon siya sa akin, magkasalubong ang kilay.

“Basta malakas. Natumba siya.”

Napangiti ako lalo. The baby turned into a hulk? That’s quite scary.

“That’s why you go to the gym with me. Let’s enhance that boxing skill of yours…” nanunuya kong sabi.

“Ayoko nga. Hindi ako mahilig mag gym.”

Obviously. It was because it was filled with boys. He’s avoiding places that have a lot of men. I just slowly realized it now.

“Kung… ano man ang sinabi niya sa’yo, hindi ’yon totoo,” aniya at ibinalik ang tingin sa sketch pad.

I nodded.

“Alam din ni Rick,” dagdag niya.

Natigilan ako.

“About what?”

“’Yung issue ko na nakick out ako. Sensitibo kasi siya sa molestya at… pinagbibintangan akong ganoon sa dating school namin ng mga kaibigan ko. Nabanggit ko lang pero hindi niya alam na… ’yung varsity ’yon.”

Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ako na si Rick pala ang labasan niya ng saloobin niya o maidadagdag ko ito sa sama ng loob ko sa kanya na hindi niya sa akin unang nakwento.

But I remembered how Rick reacted to the picture when Shiloh froze. Nabanggit niya na tampulan daw ng tukso si Shiloh. So it was because Shiloh has opened up about it, huh?

“You didn’t tell me.”

“Busy ka eh.” He looked at me full of judgment. “Nililigawan mo si Shila.”

I sighed. So he’s really close with Rick? All along, I thought it was Connor, and then I even suspected Mavric, but now…it’s actually Rick? Tang ina. Parang inuubos na yata nito ang kaibigan ko at karibal ko pa yata lahat sa kanya.

“How close are you with Rick?”

“Kinwento niya sa akin ’yung trauma niya. Hinipuan siya…” Medyo humina ang boses niya.

My shoulder loosened. Even that one. Rick doesn’t usually share those kinds of things. Sa circle lang namin iyon lalo na’t sa amin niya nilalabas minsan. He’s mad every time there’s a queer person; that’s why we never had gays in our circle because Rick might be too sensitive about it.

“What else?”

“Galit siya sa bakla. Ayaw niya na may kasamang bakla. Baka daw ulitin.”

I looked at him carefully. Nakikita ko na medyo distracted na siya sa topic lalo na’t humihinto siya minsan sa pagd-drawing.

“Kailan niyo pinag-usapan?”

“Uh… noong nagpasama siya sa akin na puntahan si Denver.”

Oh, I remember that. He mentioned it.

“And?”

Tumikhim siya. “Sa amin nalang ’yon.”

Out of the boys, he’s closest to him. I don’t know what suddenly happened. But Rick was more comfortable with Shiloh. Just like how Connor easily gets comfortable with him. And the rest of the girls as well.

“Are you comfortable with Rick?”

Tumango siya habang tinititigan ang drawing niya.

“Oo naman. Close kami.” He bragged and smiled proudly.

I frowned. But at the same time, I understand why, among us, he chose to explain to Rick. Maybe because he doesn’t want to make Rick uncomfortable. He cares.

And Rick, one of the victims of harassment, has embraced Shiloh for being who he is as a person, but not as who he is based on his sexuality.

Just like how Shiloh embraced him when his perpetrators were men but didn’t include Rick because he knew, among us, Rick could relate to him the most for being a victim of harassment.

If the truth came out, I would understand Rick, but I would also understand Shiloh. This wasn’t about gender anymore. This is about respect. That harassment happens not just to men but also to gays. And no one must use gender as an excuse to say that gays are more aggressive than men or that men are more aggressive than gays, because both can be victims too.

We should be more invested in the fact that being harassed doesn’t include checking what gender you are, because being a victim exists in all different forms of gender, in all different forms of race, and in all different forms of age.

Shiloh and Rick were both harassed. Kung iisipin kong walang lalake ang may kakayahang mambastos ng bakla, then how come Shiloh got harassed just because these men thought he was gay? O lalong walang bakla na mambabastos ng lalake, then how come Rick got harassed by a gay?

And how ironic that the society was willing to jump to conclusions, siding with some perpetrators just because of their gender and invalidating the victim for being harassed, just because they held on to this kind of mindset that gays can’t sexualize men, or men can’t sexualize gays, and vice versa.

It just showed how twisted and sick this society is for being too invested in gender instead of shaping a better world for humanity that doesn’t question what you are or who you are. As long as you are a victim, then you are the victim. No buts.

Chapter 30

Karma

I’m kind of relieved that he was willing to do some things after seeing the fucker who harassed him.

Siguro ayaw niya ring manatili sa isip niya. He’s got a life here. Far from the life he has in Cebu. And I hope he continues to live the life he wants for himself. I hope that he enjoys it more.

He absentmindedly leaned against my chest and started drawing again. I sighed and crouched a bit, kissing his shoulder. Sinapak niya sa akin ang sketch pad niya kaya natawa ako ng bahagya.

“Oh right… I won’t give you more kisses.”

Umangat ang kilay niya. “Edi sa’yo na ’yan. Ibigay mo doon kay Cheena.”

Ngumuso ako.

“Ang ganda no’n. Kahit ang mga girls topic siya. Sobrang ganda kasi. Elite daw at may ini-endorse na sikat na brand. Tourism ang course tapos—”

I kissed his shoulder again.

“Tapos puro basketball player ang nagiging boyfriend. Pasok ka sa standards no’n. Ikaw nga ang pinili,” patuloy niya kahit namumula.

I laughed a little. “Malas niya. I’m taken.”

Umangat ang kilay niya at lumingon sa akin.

“I’m single, but I’m courting you, which means I’m taken. I’m not available.”

Matagal ang paninitig niya. He looked so flush that I noticed how his eyes sparkled a bit. I gently caressed his cheek to erase the red mark, but it’s really his natural blush.

“Ang ganda no’n tapos…”

I tilted my head as my hand grazed his small chin. Tinitigan ko lang labi niyang nangingintab.

“Nothing can top your beauty in my eyes…” I murmured.

He scoffed and smashed the sketch pad on my face again. I laughed and squinted my eyes.

“I’m telling the truth…” nangingiti kong sabi nang dumilat.

Nailing siya ngunit may ngiti na sa labi habang ipinagpatuloy ang drawing. I slowly crawled my hand against his stomach and rested my chin against his shoulder. I looked at his pulse. He’s left-handed. Naroon din ang bracelet na bigay ko.

He was now done with his drawing. And boy, he drew it skillfully! I haven’t paid attention to drawings, even when I was invested to Verena in the past. I didn’t look at the arts with a deeper perspective, unlike now.

Ngayon ko lang napagtanto kung gaano ka ganda ang arts. Kahit wala pang kulay. Kahit simple pa lamang. And how much more if he paints it?

Ibinigay niya sa akin ang isang sketch pad lalo na’t dalawa ang binili ko para sa kanya.

“Ikaw rin.”

I nodded and took it from his hand. Binigyan niya rin ako ng lapis. Tumikhim ako at isinandal iyon sa hita ko na nasa gilid niya saka ko ginaya ang gawa niya. I was serious the whole time, amazed by my own drawing. Noong nilingon niya, nalaglag ang kanyang panga.

“Ano ’yan? Boobs?” parang natatawa siya nang pangalanan iyon.

“Uh… strawberry?”

“Anong strawberry? Ang layo!” He barked with a laugh.

“This is a strawberry, Shiloh,” I hissed.

“Eh ano ’to?” turo niya sa tuktok. “Nipple ’to eh.”

“That’s the tip of the strawberry.” I leered at him.

Humagalpak siya lalo. Halos napasandal na siya sa dibdib ko kakaatras niya dahil sa pagtawa. Ngumuso ako at nahawa na rin kahit medyo masakit sa loob na nilalait niya ang drawing ko.

“Kaya siguro gusto mo ng artist student kasi pangit ka magdrawing,” aniya at nailing.

Ang lala talaga nito manglait! Ibinalik niya ulit ang atensyon sa sketch pad niya at nagsisimula nang magpaint. I also took some of his brushes and started painting mine.

Ngunit sa bawat sulyap ni Shiloh, sa bawat pagsabog ng hagalpak niya, talagang nawawalan ako ng pag-asa sa painting ko. Kinakawawa niya.

His painting looked so professionally done that you could really tell he was an expert in the field of the arts. It even looked so realistic. While mine looked like a five-year-old’s drawing. And painting it made it worse even more.

“Sinong sumuka sa sketch pad mo?” natatawang kutya ni Shiloh.

“Haha. Funny.” I rolled my eyes and continued painting my art if it didn’t look like art anymore. Parang dinaanan ng bagyo kaya hindi mo matukoy kung bulkan ba na umaapoy, o strawberry na parang hindi.

But still, instead of not finishing it, I continued. I was eager to beautify my own art, to give it my best shot, and to paint it when, with each stroke I made, it was worsening. At si Shiloh, nakakainsulto dahil sa bawat lingon, talagang malakas ang tawa.

I didn’t know painting could be this therapeutic. I mean, I would sometimes think of it as a kid’s hobby, or it was too boring to paint since it wasn’t my field. But right now, as I invested some time in the drawing I did and coloring it, I appreciated it more.

Hindi naman ako naeengganyo noon sa mga subjects na may ganito. Talagang ngayon lang. Sigurado dahil kusa kong ginagawa nang hindi iniisip na para sa grades, o dahil required. I was doing it because I wanted to understand it and know why the person I like loves it.

Pagkatapos namin, kinuha niya agad ang dalawang sketch pad at ipinagtabi para kunan ng picture sa kama. I’m quite proud of my work. Basta hindi ko lang tingnan ang kay Shiloh, alam ko maganda naman ’yung akin kahit papaano. It ain’t too bad for being a beginner.

“Parang Expectation vs. Reality,” ani Shiloh at nawawala ang mga mata kakatawa.

I frowned at him. Sa sobra niyang halakhak, napaupo na siya sa sahig at halos sumandal sa gilid ng kama habang tinitingnan ang drawing ko.

Namaywang ako at ngumuso. “Funny, really…” Gusto kong mainsulto pero natatawa rin ako.

“Boobs talaga ’to eh. Kulay red lang ’yung bra niya.” He fired again, pointing at it, and covered his mouth as he burst into laughter.

Binasa ko ang labi. I flipped my sketch pad to hide my drawing. But then Shiloh flipped it again and burst out laughing as soon as he saw it.

“Let’s frame this,” sabi ko at kinuha ang sketch pad niya.

He took mine too. Gusto ko sanang kunin sa kanya pero tumakbo na at isinilid niya rin sa drawer.

Buong araw niya yata iyong pinagtawanan. Kahit minsan natutulala siya habang gumagawa ako ng dinner, kalaunan, maririnig kong hahagalpak. And of course, it’s my damn drawing again.

On the next days, I was more eager to train. Mavric seems quiet about what happened. And Rick still keeps looking at me every time I interact with Shiloh.

I jogged to the bleachers, where he was. Naroon din naman ang girls. But during the practice, I noticed he had mineral water with him, which I would ask for all the time so I could drink it, and the rest of the boys would even take it from me. Kaya nag-aagawan pa kami minsan.

“Mag girlfriend kayo para may magbigay ng tubig sa inyo! Para tubig ni Shiloh pinag-aagawan!” si Sadie na naiiritang tumingin sa amin.

“You girls watched us in our practice, but you don’t bring water for us,” si Tyler na namaywang at pawisan pa suot ang jersey.

“Kayo ba ang ipinunta namin? Hindi ’no! ’Yung ibang team mates niyo!” si Angela.

Nagsilingunan kami sa iba naming team mates na naroon sa kabila at lumalapit din sa circle nila. Umangat ang kilay ko at tumingin kay Rick na may biglang ibinulong kay Shiloh.

Shiloh doesn’t let me get clingy to him here at school. Pero sa iba…pwede naman pala? Ano ’to, by schedule? Sila rito sa school, tapos paglabas, ako na?

But then, every time he lets me touch him after school and bond with him in the unit, those kinds of frustrations are immediately erased because he has ways of calming me down.

“Tara. May maganda raw sa Engineering eh. Carlie daw ang pangalan,” si Ronan na inakbayan ako.

“Sabing may pinopormahan ako.” I insisted and took his hands off me.

“Kami lang ang titingin. Sumama ka lang,” si Tyler na inakbayan din ako sa kabila.

Kakapasok pa lang ng October pero nauuna na sa summer ang ulo ko sa sobrang init dahil sa kalokohan ng mga ’to. I can’t believe I don’t enjoy this kind of fun anymore. Gawain ko rin naman sana ito noon, na lagi kaming dumadayo sa kabilang Department para manghunting ng chix.

“Oh? Nandito si Rick ah?” si Ronan nang tumigil kami sa isang classroom.

Of course, Rick is interested in girls too—“

“At si Shiloh oh,” si Tyler na sumisilip din sa loob.

Napalingon agad ako sa tinutukoy nila. And there, Shiloh was surrounded by girls while he was talking with them as he smiled, and Rick, who’s entertaining a girl too.

“Hoy Brent, gago!” si Tyler na nataranta lalo na’t nag-amba akong pumasok.

Hinila agad ako ni Ronan. Tumulong pa si Tyler at hinila rin ako hanggang maalis kami sa hamba ng pinto.

“Akala ko ba papasok kayo?” tanong ko lalo na’t talagang determinado akong pumasok.

“Hindi doon, dude! Next room!” Turo niya sa kabila.

“Dito na,” irita kong sabi at talagang gustong doon pumasok.

“Kukulitin mo lang si Shiloh! Mag-aaway pa kayo! Hayaan mong pumorma sa babae, dude,” si Tyler na hinila na ako sa kabilang room.

“At ako ang pagagalitan ni Mommy—”

“You have us. Ano lang bang ginagawa mo sa allowance mo? Sagot ko ang lunch mo next month!” agap ni Tyler at mukhang rinding rindi na sa lagi kong excuse.

Humanda ka mamaya sa akin. Why are you in the engineering department, huh? Ang layo layo ng building ko rito pero dito ka napadpad? And what? You are cheating behind my back? With who?

Halos bumusangot na ako sa room na pinasukan namin. But when I noticed Chloe, who’s sitting next to a man who’s wearing some eyeglasses, looking so strict and serious with those thick brows, I immediately got distracted.

Ah… No wonder Mavric dropped her, huh? Ito ang ipinalit ni Chloe kay Mav? Hmm. He’s quite bulky. And Engineering. Whews. She had some taste.

Tumingin ang lalake sa akin. I smirked confidently. This man is too intense and serious. Ah… kaya siguro ayaw na ni Chloe kay Mav dahil kailan ba ’yon nagseryoso? Mavric is just too playful for her taste in men.

Tyler and Ronan were shamelessly asking for the girl’s number, Carlie. I boredly stood behind them and glanced at Chloe and the guy again, as I was more interested in teasing Mavric later.

Chloe rolled her eyes when she saw my friends hitting with the girl named Carlie. She leaned closer to the guy, whispered something, and then glared at me. Woah. Chill there, woman. Halatang halatang sinisiraan mo ako.

“Tara na,” anyaya ko sa dalawa at gusto nang lumabas.

“Bye love,” Ronan teased.

Tumawa kaming dalawa ni Tyler at naiiling din naman na lumabas.

“Nakita niyo ’yung bagong lalake ni Chloe? Asarin natin si Mav mamaya. Sabihin natin mas gwapo pa sa kanya ang ipinalit.” Hagalpak ko.

“Huh? Alin doon?” si Tyler na sumilip pa ulit sa classrom.

“’Yang katabi niya.” Lingon kong muli at nakitang tumingin na sa amin iyong lalake.

Mabilis akong binatukan ni Ronan. Si Tyler ay naniningkit ang mga mata sa akin.

“Gago ka. Kapatid ’yan ni Chloe.”

“Kapatid?” I asked, a bit confused.

Naglakad na kami paalis doon. Tumango si Tyler at namulsa.

“Oo. Kasali ’yon sa grupo ni Verena, hindi ba, Ron?” si Tyler na nilingon si Ronan na nilalaro ang phone niya at malawak ang ngisi sa screen.

“Oo. Napansin ko ’yon. Mukhang kasali nga. Puro matatalino ang nandoon eh,” si Ronan na inabala ang sarili sa phone at nagtipa.

I tried to recall some of Verena’s circle. That motherfucker isn’t familiar. Inakbayan ako ni Tyler.

“Natakot si Mavric diyan. Kahit ako naman siguro, kung ganyan ang kapatid ng popormahan ko, sinong hindi aatras?”

“Ilang kapatid ba meron si Chloe? How about her sister?” tanong ko nang maalalang iyon ang nakahuli sa kanila ni Mavric na naglalampungan sa sala.

“Ilang kapatid nga meron si Chloe, Ron?” si Tyler na itinagilid ang ulo para lingunin sa kabila si Ronan.

Lumingon din ako at kuryoso. Ronan seems so distracted typing a text that we were looking at him patiently.

“Ah… ’yun lang. ’Yung lalake,” aniya, wala pa sa sarili dahil abala sa pagtitipa.

“May babae daw eh,” sabi ko.

Kumunot ang noo ni Ronan. “May babae?”

Tumango ako lalo na’t alam ko, iyon ang naka-one-night stand ni Mavric.

“Isa lang ang kapatid ni Chloe, Brent. May nakalandian kasi ako last week, gustong gusto ’yung kuya ni Chloe. Doon ko nga lang din nalaman. Mavric also confirmed that Chloe has only one sibling. Eh nakalandian niyan si Chloe,” patuloy ni Ronan.

“Baka kaya nga umatras si Mavric dahil natakot sa kapatid na lalake. Baka binantaan.” Hagalpak ni Tyler.

Wait.

Hold the fuck up.

If Mavric confirmed to Ron that Chloe has only one sibling. Then…

Natigilan ako. Sa sobra kong gulat, talagang napahinto ako. Ang natatawang si Tyler ay napalingon sa akin, habang si Ronan na tuloy tuloy ang lakad dahil abala sa phone.

“Brent?” tawag ni Tyler at tumatawa pa.

“Bakit, dude? Don’t tell me… tipo mo rin si Chloe? Bro you’re shameless. Galing kay Mav tapos popormahan mo,” ani Tyler na hindi ko na yata mapagtuunan ng pansin.

I immediately took my phone out and typed a message to Mavric.

Ako:

Where are you?

Mavric smirked as soon as I met up with him. Para bang may ideya na agad siya bakit agad kong gustong makipagkita sa kanya.

I told Shiloh I was going out to buy him some snacks near the cafe with Mavric. But of course, I wanted to hear the truth!

“Nasa Engineering Department kami kanina. Nandoon si Chloe. May kasamang lalake,” I pointed out as soon as we occupied the seat while waiting for my order.

Tumango siya at humalukipkip, nanunuya pa rin ang ngiti sa akin. Sinipa ko siya sa ilalim ng table kaya siya natawa.

“Shiloh knows.”

Nalaglag ang panga ko. Tang…ina?

“You’re…”

He shrugged. “I got curious. I tried it and got bottom for the first time.”

Namilog ang mga mata ko. Tamad siyang sumandal sa lamesa at lumingon sa kabilang table. I glanced at the table he was eyeing and saw a woman. I rolled my eyes and looked at him.

“Akala ko babae ’yung tinutukoy mong kapatid ni Chloe,” I hissed.

“You didn’t ask.” He smirked.

“Gago.” Itinulak ko siya at natawa.

Mavric chuckled. “Brent. You know what’s the weird thing about getting railed by men? It felt good.”

Fuck. Am I hearing this from Mav? Tang ina. I know we were fuckboys in the past, but I didn’t think of him on a deeper level. Parang malala ang isang ’to! Tinikman yata lahat! Mapa babae, o lalake!

“Hayop ka. I thought you were straight.”

“I thought you were straight too.” He fired back tauntingly.

Binasa ko ang labi. Matutulala pa yata ako.

“’Yun lang ang naranasan ko. Sa lalakeng ’yon. And damn that fucker. Magaling siya, Brent. Talagang magaling.” He leaned forward, whispering it to me, as if we were talking about drugs here and we needed to be surreptitious.

Napapikit ako ngunit lumalandas ang ngisi sa akin. Goddamn. What the fuck is happening?

“But does that fucker think I won’t get back to him? Wait until I fuck him. I’ll make sure I’ll do him hard.”

Humagalpak ako at hinampas siya. Natatawa siyang tumango sa akin.

“Nakakalalake eh. Gago siya. Pagalingan kami.” He ran his fingers through his hair boyishly while flexing his smirk.

“Anong pinagkukwento mo kay Shiloh hayop ka?” My smile vanished as soon as I realized what he revealed earlier.

“Ah… I just told him I got railed by a man?”

Gago. Sa lahat ng pagsasabihan niya, kay Shiloh pa! Baka kung ano ano nang pumapasok sa isip no’n! Sa iritasyon ko ay sinipa ko siya sa ilalim ng mesa. He laughed.

“Concern for your baby, huh?” he teased.

Umirap ako. “Pag ’yan binangungot…”

“I didn’t tell him the details, alright? But I told him it felt good. He might…” Nagtagal ang titig niya sa akin.

Unti-unti kong napagtanto ang tumatakbo sa isip niya. Sinipa ko siyang muli. Humagalpak si Mavric habang umiinit ang batok ko.

“Gago ka, Mav. Wala akong ganyang plano sa kanya.”

“Oh please? Don’t be so childish. Sa’yo pa nanggaling, huh? Ilang body count nga, Brent?”

“Tang ina ka. Seryoso akong nanliligaw.”

Nailing siya at natawa. Dumating ang order ko na matcha cheesecake at isang frappe para kay Shiloh.

“Paano mo pala nalaman?” kuryoso kong tanong habang nginingitian niya ang magandang waitress.

“Narinig ko sa Boracay ’yung pagtatalo niyo. That night when Shiloh confronted you about Con? Damn possessive. Seloso ka pala, Brent?” asar niya at muling natawa.

I pressed the tip of my tongue against my cheek until it bubbled while I tried to stifle my smile.

“Hmm… Shiloh is attractive. Can’t blame you. Coz if he were a girl, I’d fire my shot too. O kahit nga ngayon. But I’m more into men who’s—”

“Intense?” agap ko.

Tumango siya at natawa. Hayop na ’to. Ngayon ko lang unti-unting napagtanto ang sinasabi niyang opposite.

“Si Tyler nga parang bumabading. He kept on chatting with Kael, dude. Ayaw nang tumigil. Ngumingiti na minsan mag-isa.”

“Gago?” Humalakhak ako.

“Oo. Ewan ko kung ginagamit niya pa rin ang account. Baka umamin na siya. Nasuntok yata ni Kael noong September. ’Yung cut niya sa labi after the exam, naalala mo?”

I tried to recall it. Kaso abala ako sa panliligaw. Walang ibang pumapasok sa isip ko, o napapansin minsan. At baka sa sobrang pokus ko, hindi ko na malalamang ang dami dami na palang nangyayari sa mga kaibigan ko.

“I think we’re cursed, Mav. Come to think of it. Kilala tayong lahat na fuckboy at grabe makapangbabae. Baka karma na ’to. Coz Connor’s relationship kept on failing. Si Ron, palipat lipat na rin ng babae sa bawat linggo lang. And Tyler, that’s probably his cursed. And then you…”

“At ikaw, kay Shiloh ba?” dugtong niya.

Tumikhim ako. “If this is some sort of curse, I don’t want this to get revoked. I love courting that shorty.”

Sinipa niya ako sa ilalim ng lamesa at humagalpak.

“Fucking whipped! Karma hits hard, huh? Hindi ka lang pinaluhod ni Shiloh, pinapagapang ka pa!”

I smiled and licked my lower lip. But then, when I remembered I’d seen him in the engineering department, my smile vanished. That Damn cheater.

Chapter 31

Everything

Babangungutin pa yata ako sa lahat ng mga nalaman ko kay Mavric. Though he pointed out that he still likes women, which means here, we’re both bisexual? Whew. At least I’m fucking serious about courting Shiloh here. Eh siya? He’s more invested in railing that man who made him a bottom. He’s eager to fuck him.

He really traumatized the shit out of me. And he purposely told me about Chloe’s sibling so I would find out his sexuality, huh? Ang wais ng gago.

Before going to my own class, I went to Shiloh’s room so I could give him the snacks. I only handed it, making sure I’d appear cold, and went back to my class immediately.

Kahit noong pauwi na, habang ka text ko ang mga boys na walang plano at nauumay na yata sa pagmumukha ng isa’t isa, tahimik lang din akong nagmaneho.

Why is he in the engineering department? I mean, yes, I am courting him. But I deserve to know if…he has a crush there? At ano lang ba ang mga mukha ng mga lalake roon? Sino naman ang matitipuhan niya? Kung babae man… alin doon?

Ninakawan ko siya ng sulyap at nakitang ngumiti siya habang may ka-text. Binasa ko ang labi at bumuntonghininga, binilisan ang pagmamaneho, at gusto ko nalang yatang makatulog agad pag-uwi.

He’s always this coldhearted. Well yes, you were just courting him. That’s normal that… you needed to stay patient with him.

He turned off his phone and glanced at me. I glanced at him too.

“Pahiram ako ng phone…” he said carefully.

My brow shot up. “Why?”

Tumitig siya sa akin. Tumikhim ako at kinuha palabas ang phone sa aking bulsa. Ibinigay ko iyon sa kanya. He knows my password, so he automatically opened it.

Naglaro lang siya ng games buong byahe. I calmed down a bit, trying to calm myself that I was getting overdramatic over petty things again. Akala mo naman talaga nakitang may kahalikan doon.

“Nasa Engineering Department ka kanina ah?” tanong ko, ipinatili ang tingin sa daan.

“Ah oo… Sinamahan ko si Rick. Bakit? Nandoon ka rin?”

“Yes. I saw you with girls—”

“Bakit ka nandoon?” agad niyang tanong, kuryoso.

“Ronan and Tyler dragged me since Ronan asked for the number of that girlie. And I saw you—”

“Sinong babae?” Kumunot ang noo niya.

“Charlie? I can’t remember. And I saw you—”

“Bakit ka sumama?”

Tang ina! Mababaliktad na naman yata ako.

“They dragged me. I didn’t participate in getting someone’s number. Kung hindi pa ako napadpad doon, hindi ko makikitang nandoon ka rin pala. May crush ka doon?” deri-deritso kong salita lalo na’t singit siya nang singit!

“Sino naman?” His brows knit.

“I don’t know with you.” I rolled my eyes, gritting my teeth a bit, and maneuvered the car to the other side of the highway to overtake the other cars.

Ibinalik niya ang atensyon sa phone ko. I licked my lower lip again.

“Fine with me if you have a crush. I’d still court you,” I murmured while glaring at the front.

Hindi na siya umimik sa bagay na iyon. At parang mag-aaksaya lang ata ako ng laway kaya hindi na ako nagsalita pa. Dumaan kami sa isang fast food lalo na’t wala ako sa mood na magluto. At noong umuwi, nauna na ako sa kuwarto.

Ako:

Just text me if you want anything. Knock.

Tss. Damn cheater. Nahuli ko siya. Ayaw pang umamin. He was even smiling there, like he had found something interesting.

Karapatan niya naman ’yang mambabae kung kuryoso na siya. Kaso kung dahil lang nakatikim sa halik ko, edi sana hindi ko na pinatikim! Ako pa ngayon ang mamomroblema at baka kuryoso na siya sa ibang labi!

Nailing akong naghubad ng shirt at inayos ang kama ko. When he knocked, I immediately tossed myself on the bed, laid against my stomach, and hugged the pillow as I pretended I was already sleeping.

I’m really pissed. Mas mabuting umiwas ako kaysa magtanong nang kung ano ano sa kanya. Hindi naman siya aamin. Baka magdamag lang akong masama ang loob.

“Tulog kana?” he asked.

“What?” I tried to sound sleepy, but I fired it coldly.

“Naiwan ko ’yung wood ko sa school kung saan ako pwedeng magpaint. Gusto ko sanang magpractice lalo na’t activity namin bukas.”

Sarado na ang school ngayon ah? I glanced at the side of the bed and saw that it’s already 10 p.m. Baka naman bukas pa ang ilang malls, so I could at least buy that little problem of his.

“I’ll check the Malls,” sabi ko, nag-aamba nang tumayo nang makita ko siyang pumasok dala ang paints niya na binili ko.

“Huwag na. Meron naman akong naisip. Kung papayag ka.” He raised his brow while walking toward my bed.

I hugged the pillow and looked at him placing the color paints on the bedside table. He didn’t turned the lights on. But even if it was dim, I could vividly see him glowing. He’s this damn attractive and it’s so frustrating that I’m this in love with him. I can’t stay mad for so long.

“What?” I tried to sound cold.

Hinawakan niya ang brush at lumuhod sa gilid ng kama.

“Sa katawan mo ako magpipaint.”

What?

I was so stunned that I didn’t know how to react. Tumikhim siya.

“Sa… tiyan mo.”

Oh boy.

Tumikhim ako at tumihaya. “What am I? A piece of wood in your eyes?” I rolled my eyes and put my hands against my head, making it my pillow while leaning against the headboard of my bed.

Mukhang seryoso siya sa balak niya kaya hindi na ako nagsalita pa. Binuksan niya ang ilaw at muling bumalik sa kama ko. When he knelt in between me and sat like a frog, looked at my stomach, and took the palette, as he looked so serious, I swallowed a bit while looking at him.

He started brushing the brush on the palette, leaned a bit, and stroked the brush against my chest. Lumunok ako at pumikit. Tang inang Mavric ’yon. Naglalaro na tuloy sa isip ko ang mga salita niya. Hayop siya.

His strokes tickles. Nakakailang lunok ako at inisip na kailangan kong magseryoso kung hindi ay patay ako sa kanya. I opened my eyes wearily and looked at him.

His paintbrush traced the cracks in my stomach. Tumingin ako roon kung ano na ang pinipinta niya. It looked like a scene that’s quite familiar to me. It reminds me of Ghibli movies he likes because of the sky.

Tumingin ako muli sa kanyang mukha. He was wearing a dark green long sleeve that suits him well, making his complexion lighter. And with his disheveled hair, it made him look more handsomely pretty.

“Bangon ka ng kaonti,” he ordered.

I lifted my body a bit by resting my hands on the bed until my body reclined. Yumuko siya at seryosong nagpinta sa dibdib ko. He’s blending the sky creating a sunset because of the hues he painted.

Tumingin ako sa mukha niya. I leaned a bit and kissed his forehead because it leveled my lips.

“Huwag kang gumalaw, Brent,” saway niya sa hinahong tinig.

“You have a crush there?” ulit kong tanong, lalo na’t hindi yata magiging payapa ang isip ko kung hindi ko alam.

He lifted his eyes a bit before they grazed back against my chest. His brush lightly stroked my nipple, and my left eye squinted.

“Wala naman…” he admitted quietly.

“Wala? Like… you have no one you like at the moment?” namamaos kong tanong.

He took some of the paint, poured a little on his palette, and mixed some colors again.

“Baba ng kaonti,” he ordered, so I rested on my elbows this time.

His body followed as he leaned forward and settled on my stomach this time. Pinanood ko siya roon.

“Meron,” aniya.

Kumunot ang noo ko. My chest pounded. Hindi ko alam kung kabado ako, o naeexcite na malaman kung sino. But then, I don’t want to hear it.

Tumango na lamang ako at nag-iwas ng tingin. Nahuli ko siyang tiningala ako at bahagyang natawa. I looked at him again, arching my brow.

“Hindi mo tatanungin kung sino?” He urged.

“I’m not that masochistic to hurt myself, Shiloh.”

Nangingiti niyang ibinalik ang atensyon sa tiyan ko. I looked away again, a bit serious, while trying to figure out why I was staring at the window.

“Varsity,” he whispered.

Ipinagsalubong ko ang kilay ko. Varsity huh? Kung nalaman ko kung sino ’yan, sisikuhin ko nang paulit ulit sa game nang malagas paunti-unti ang ngipin niya hanggang maturn-off si Shiloh sa kanya.

“Mahilig mag-gym.”

At gagawin kong punching bag hanggang mayupi ang mukha.

“Babaero.”

A damn red flag. Magka-infection sana siya.

“At pangit magdrawing…”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Ako?”

His eyes lifted a bit. “Ikaw lang ba ang pangit magdrawing?”

I rolled my eyes and looked away again.

“What else?” I asked, a bit curious.

“Seloso.”

“Ako ’yan?” Ulit kong tanong.

Nanliit ang mga mata niya. “Assuming.”

“Edi sino? May makakahigit ba sa pagiging seloso ko?”

He scoffed, but then a laugh mixed with it. Nailing siya ngunit nangingiti.

“Bangon ka ulit.”

I pushed myself up again. Gamit na gamit talaga ako. Pero lahat ng binibigay ni Shiloh sa akin puro sama ng loob. Pasalamat siya hindi ako napapagod. Kung hindi ko lang talaga mahal…

He leaned forward and blew air into my chest. I whimpered uncontrollably. Damn it!

“Tumahimik ka nga, Brent,” saway niya ngunit natatawa.

“You’re blowing it. How am I supposed to react?” I groaned.

“Napaghahalataan ka talaga. Ang bilis bilis mong ma turn-on. Halatang fuckboy.”

This damn mouth of his!

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at mas lalong sumeryoso. Nanliligaw ako nang maayos rito! Walang babae! Seryoso pa sa seryoso! Tapos ganyan ang sasabihin niya? Sinong fuckboy ang ganito?

“I didn’t touch you, nor attempted to get on your pants. Damn harsh,” I murmured seriously.

Tumikhim siya at nagpatuloy sa ginagawa niya.

“Tingnan mo. Ayos lang?” he asked gently.

Bumaba ang tingin ko at tamad na tumango sabay tingin ulit sa malayo, halos ramdam ko ang pagiging matabang ng ekspresyon ko.

“Hindi mo naman tiningnan!”

I looked down again, nodded for the second time, and looked away.

“Ayos lang. Maganda,” I said flatly.

I really wonder why he treats me differently. Ang bait nito kila Mavric. Tapos sa akin…

“Tingin dito.”

I looked at him, scowling. I wanted to look away again, but then he put his hand on the side of my face, so I had no choice but to face him when he started painting my left cheek.

My eyes drifted to the other side again, making sure I wouldn’t be tempted to kiss him, just to make sure that there was a boundary between us. Akala niya siguro patay na patay ako sa kanya kahit galit ako? Nakailan siya sa akin ngayong araw. Patong patong ang kasalanan niya. At tingin niya, kahit nakaupo siya ngayon sa hita ko, huhupa ang galit ko nang gano’n na lang?

“Matalino ka ba talaga, Brent? Dean lister ka pa naman sana,” bigla niyang bigkas.

See? He’s this harsh.

“Ang tagal mong maka gets ah?” medyo irita niyang sambit.

At siya pa ngayon ang galit?

I looked away again, determined not to talk to him. He was about to pull himself out of my lap; that’s why I grabbed his waist back to me. Napaupo siya pabalik habang seryoso ko siyang tiningnan.

“Alis nga muna! Kukunin ko ang phone ko.” He pushed me.

Nilingon ko ang phone ko sa kama. Tumingin din siya doon at dinampot iyon. He opened the camera and took a photo of me with a flash. I glanced at the other side and squinted my eyes a bit when the flash kissed my face.

Dumilat ako at pinanood siyang kunan din ng picture ang tiyan ko. I leaned forward and watched him take pictures silently.

The first one was kind of hot. Disheveled hair. Topless. And whew… a heart-shaped drawing on my left cheeks while my jaw looked so sharp. Shiloh opened my gmail and he sent it to his account.

Tumikhim si Shiloh at binuksan ang front cam. He lifted his hand a bit and leveled his face toward me as he smiled while I was side-eyeing him. I squeezed his cheek a bit until it bubbled, which is why his eyes became chinky when he smiled more.

“Make it my homescreen,” I said when the photo looked so cute.

Tumango siya at ginawa iyon. We looked like a couple there. Tiningnan niya ang ibang picture at wala sa sariling isinandal ang ulo sa balikat ko habang humihiga na ang gilid niyang katawan sa akin.

My stomach churned. He’s really this clingy to me when he knows I’m mad or jealous about something. Kung ganito ka lang naman pala paamuhin, edi magseselos nalang ako lagi?

He was busy on my gallery until he went to my videos. When Crank That by Soulja Boy song played, I joined on watching with him.

“Kailan ’to?” Natatawa niyang tanong nang magplay agad ang video.

It was a compilation of me sleeping on different days while the boys were dancing to the song. Humalakhak si Shiloh nang topless sila Mavric, at sa bawat araw na nag-iiba ako ng posisyon habang tulog, nag-iiba rin sila ng posisyon habang sumasayaw. There were some angles that the video was zoomed in on while they were nodding on the camera while wearing some shades and vibing with the song. And the other angle is that they’re on the bed dancing while they change positions in each transition.

“They made that last year during my birthday. Their surprise,” kuwento ko. “They played that in a club while I was celebrating my birthday party. Mga gago.”

“Nakakatawa nga. Guwapo ka naman kahit tulog.” He laughed.

My brows shot up. Ang bait bait, ah? May kasalanan talaga ’to.

As much as I want to demand a kiss from him, I want to prove a point that I will never kiss him again unless he says yes to me.

“So who’s your crush?” I asked, still bothered about it.

Tiningala niya ako. Instead of answering it, he pulled my nape and brushed his lips against mine. I was so shock that when he left my lips, it was still part.

He went back to scrolling through my gallery like nothing happened.

Oh fuck…

He kissed me. Willingly. He really kissed me. With no alibis.

Nang maramdaman niyang natigilan ako, nangingiti siyang tumingala. The stifled smile on his lips made me crave for his kiss even more.

“Who?” I crouched and whispered it against his lips as my stomach churned.

“Alam mo na dapat. Tanong pa nang tanong.”

“Me?” Namamaos kong bulong.

“Oo nga,” he hissed.

Oh, he really has his ways of making me crazy over him. He has his ways of spinning my mind, driving me insane, and making me crave him even more.

“Then why aren’t you saying yes to me? Hmm?”

“Sabi mo nga, friends don’t kiss. Edi hindi tayo friends,” he confirmed.

“Because what are we?” I closed my eyes, pressing my lips against his cheek.

“Fubu. Gusto mo?” he said sarcastically.

“Shut up. Nasarapan ka lang sa halik ko.”

“Ang kapal!” Natatawa niya akong tiningnan.

I smirked and raised my brow. “You think I’m easy? I won’t settle for a lust-centered relationship with you. I want a serious one, Shiloh.”

Humagalpak siya. “Anong lust? Sa ating dalawa, ikaw ang mas uhaw.”

“Uhaw? Who kissed me? It was you.”

“O edi ako. Ano ngayon?” He raised his brow and looked at me with determination.

“You’re addicted to me.”

“Oo nga. Ano ngayon? Kung ayaw mong sa’yo. Edi sa iba ako maaadik—”

“I’m not complaining, though. So what are we?” I immediately cut him off.

Umismid siya sa akin. Ang bilis mapikon ah?

“Boyfriend? I am now your boyfriend?”

Instead of saying yes, he rested his head against my shoulder again. Damn it, Shiloh. Pumikit ako at bahagyang natawa.

“So we’re now in a relationship?” I asked hoarsely.

“Pag naging obvious ka…” he warned.

Oh damn. Damn it! Did he just confirm it?! Fuck!

I barked a laugh and pressed my face against his neck while my other arm wrapped around his waist.

“You’re in love with me? Hmm?” I asked while my lips stretched. “You love me?”

“Sinamahan ko lang si Rick doon sa Engineering Department. At may mga naging friends ako. Wala naman akong nilalandi.”

Damn. He’s explaining. Goddamn…

“Because you’re in love with me,” I confirmed.

“Oo nga, Brent,” he hissed, but it was now playful.

My lips stretched so much that I couldn’t help but laugh. Sinagot ako! Tang ina!

“Fine. You can have as many crushes as you like,” I murmured happily.

“Huh?” Natatawa niyang bigkas. “Wala nga!”

“Even if you have, I will let you. As long as it’s just a shallow crush. I prefer a celebrity. Or that ghibli boys. ’Yung hindi ko maaabot para hindi ko mayupi ang mukha.”

He rolled his eyes but his lips was stretching.

“Bakit ikaw, meron ka?” He arched his brow.

“There’s no more room for anyone in my life, Shiloh. You occupied each part of me. My heart. My mind. Even in my soul. You’re carved everywhere,” I whispered while planting kisses on his face.

Kita ko ang pagkatigil at paninitig niya. He looked flushed, but at the same time, happy. His eyes were twinkling. Kahit hindi siya ngumingiti, alam ko.

He parted his lips while looking at my lips, which I know is what he meant. I shoved my tongue lightly into his and moved my lips. His hand was now against my nape as he kissed me, slowly yet sensually.

He learned. It’s what I thought of him. And he immediately adopted it.

“I’m your boyfriend,” I reminded him in the middle of the kiss, that he wasn’t playing with me.

He dropped my phone on the bed and shifted his body, now facing me.

“I’m in love with you,” I said breathily, showing that I was serious about us.

He stopped kissing me as he panted against my lips. Pumikit ako at hinaplos ang ilong ko sa ilong niya. Dahan dahan akong dumilat habang titig na titig siya sa akin, tila ba tinitingnan ako nang maigi.

His eyes drifted to my body. He caressed it gently, like how his brush strokes my skin, as if he were trying to familiarize me with each part.

“Explore, Shiloh. You own me.”

His eyes widened. I wanted to kiss him so bad again, but then I restrained myself. I want him to always have it his own way, that he can lead me on, and that I am submissive to him.

I have been the dominating one when it comes to women. But when it comes to him, I will always let him have me in his ways because I am the one who’s willing to submit to him.

He looked at my lips again. My breath was getting heavy, and I was bracing for him to close the gap. He leaned closer and planted a kiss on my lips. My shoulder loosened as I shivered. Namumungay ang titig ko sa kanya.

Shiloh looked at my lips again, curiously. He put his hand on the side of my neck and kissed me again. I parted my lips and tilted my head to give him access, until he shoved his tongue again, like he learned it from me.

“Touch it like it’s your body,” I whispered, almost begging.

Damn it, for the first time, I craved affection in the form of sex. I want to kiss every inch of his body, not because he turned me on, but because I want to erase the insecurities that linger in his body and let him see that I worship his flaws. I wanted his lips on my lips, not because I was thirsty to taste him, but because I wanted to silence the demons in his mind and end the agony that had been tormenting him.

I wanted to touch him on those parts he hasn’t touched, to let him discover the beauty in him through the person who adores him. I wanted something deeper than sex, deeper than affection, deeper than love.

I haven’t craved being touched in my entire life. Not even the girls I’ve slept with or the girls I’ve been lusting after for a short period of time.

But this kind of thirst wasn’t the kind of pleasure that would drive me insane if I wouldn’t get into someone’s pants; it’s the kind of thirst I wouldn’t mind dehydrating myself until he let me drink… until he shoved his lips against my lips.

And I… would never want anyone’s lips but his. I would never want anyone’s touch but his. I would never want to end this agony in someone else’s arms unless he held me. Unless he welcomes me. Unless he accepts me.

But as much as I want to do it to his body, I can wait. He can have his turn first, so he will see that I am not desperate for his body. But I could willingly offer mine because he owns everything in me.

Chapter 32

Warning: R-18

Wild

I took a shower first to erase the paint on my body. Maarte talaga siya. Siya ang nagkalat nito sa katawan ko, ngayon ako ang pinapalinis.

But then I smirked at the mirror while wiping myself with a towel. Don’t complain, boy. You’re now his damn boyfriend. Kahit yata buong unit ang pintahan niya, at ipapalinis niya sa akin, o isali niya pa ang buong building ay hindi ako magrereklamo kahit umagahin ako kakalinis. Baka buong magdamag akong nakangiti.

I could feel the excitement rushing all throughout my veins as soon as I went out of the bathroom with my boxers on. Dinala ko ang tuwalya habang pinupunas doon sa katawan ko.

Shiloh, who’s lying on my bed with my phone while playing games, glanced at me.

Tumikhim ako nang makita kong sumulyap siya sa katawan ko. I walked toward the bed and settled down next to him.

“I’m ready,” sabi ko.

Tumikhim si Shiloh at titig na titig sa katawan ko. I smirked, put my hands against my head, and leaned against the headboard of the bed, coaxing him to do anything he wanted to do to my body while tilting my head cockily.

Shiloh scoffed. “Ang yabang…”

I laughed. “What? You’re a beginner. Explore, Shiloh.”

“Marunong ako,” he bragged.

“I’ll judge.” I smiled.

He laughed. Tumawa rin ako ngunit noong pumwesto siya sa pagitan ng tiyan ko habang nakaharap na sa akin at nakaluhod sa bawat gilid ng aking hita ang mga tuhod, hinila ang lace ng kwintas ko hanggang napabangon ng kaonti ang ulo ko at hinalikan niya akong muli, my smile immediately vanished.

He smiled against my lips when he noticed that he’s overpowering me. Lumambot ang tingin niya nang hinagod niya agad ako ng halik habang nanunuya ang galaw niya, tila ba nang-aakit lamang.

It was the addicting taste of his lips that drove me insane. And knowing that we’re already in a relationship and that he said yes to me, confirming that we’re not friends anymore, made me more excited.

My hands remained against my head while his kisses grazed down to my neck, so I closed my eyes and licked my lower lip. Here we go again…

Compared to what happened the first time we did it, this time he was more determined to caress my body. His touches were like an erupting volcano with its dripping lava caressing my skin every time he grazed his fingers slowly while he traced it with his lips, sucking it lightly and planting it with small kisses.

Nanghihina akong dumilat at pinanood ang ginagawa niyang paghalik. My hand was aching to reach for him, grab him, and hover over him, but I didn’t want to sabotage the way he explored me.

He was trying to familiarize me with each part. Sa bawat haplos niya at dinadaanan ng halik iyon, pakiramdam ko ay minamarkahan niya iyong kanya at sinisiguradong wala siyang nakakaligtaan. 

His hand was now caressing my stomach, and stuck his tongue out as he followed the cracks in my stomach that made me whimpered.

I never heard myself moan like I was being tortured in pure bliss. When his hand reached lower, his mouth sucking the skin as he palmed my bulge, I cursed.

I could feel myself getting hard as he fondled it lightly. Tumingala siya sa akin at natawa. I watched him weakly. Man… He looked so angelic in spite of the sensual things he was doing to me! And fuck it, I cannot believe I find it so hot!

“Pag may ginagawa kang kababalaghan sa condo mo, ’yung babae naman ang laging maingay. Tapos ikaw…ganito rin pala ka ingay?” he pointed out while laughing.

Oh, not in the middle of pleasuring me! Wala talagang pinipiling oras mang-asar ang isang ’to.

I was about to explain, but when he slipped his hand inside my boxers, I felt like my world would crumble right then. Hindi pa nga nahahawakan, parang sasabog agad ako! Tang ina.

The intricate movement of his hand when he wrapped it electrified my whole body, and I groaned. I have never been this crazy over a mere touch, but knowing that it was him, the one I courted and fell in love with, my feelings for him mingled with the lust that made my body three times hotter than usual.

I parted my lips as I shut my eyes. Fuck! I cannot take this! This is torture! I was already twitching when he expertly handled it, confirming that he’s doing it to himself as well to know how to hold it properly.

“That feels so fucking good, Shiloh,” I grunted.

I could feel the heat rushing through my body. When he stroked it and kissed my neck lightly, I was already whimpering. I haven’t been this noisy, but damn it, it was so much that I couldn’t control myself!

When I opened my eyes, Shiloh leaned closer and kissed me as I moaned against his mouth, and he was breathing heavily as well.

His expression was so foreign to me. Namumungay na mga mata na tila ba lasing, at seryosong expresyon habang uhaw ang titig, halos mang-init ako lalo. He wants this as much as I want him. He’s feeling it. He’s enjoying it.

We were both panting against each other’s mouths while he moved his hand. My hands were still behind my head as I controlled myself not to even touch him unless he took it and guided it to his body.

Pinanood namin iyong dalawa. I was big, alright. Hinihingal siya, at pulang pula kakatitig doon. He looked amused, and every time he would look at me drunkenly, he was so eager to kiss me, as if pleasuring me turned him on.

“Faster baby,” I begged.

When he changed his pace, I could feel the veins on my neck twitching. I licked his lower lip, sucked it lightly, and shoved it again into his mouth as he immediately flicked his tongue and sucked mine too.

He whimpered with heavy-lidded eyes. My body shivered at his moan that I was so addicted to the sensual noises he made.

“Fuck!” I growled when I couldn’t take it anymore.

I joined his hand and stroked it fast while my other hand pulled his body until he hovered over me. My eyes squinted as I sighed heavily when I felt it splash. My body trembled at my own release that it was one of my most amazing explosions while I looked at him dizzily. Tumalsik iyon sa tiyan ko habang nanghihina ako.

Mabibigat ang paghinga namin habang pinapanood niya iyon.

“You like it?” I asked.

Namumula siyang tumingin sa akin. “Ako dapat ang nagtatanong niyan.”

My brows shot up. “Ah… so you were pleasuring me? I thought you were trying to pleasure yourself since you’re hard, Shiloh.”

Nanliit ang mga mata niya sa akin. I smirked proudly. So I made you hard, huh?

“Anong ngiti ’yan, Brent?” biglang puna ni Mavric kinabukasan.

I laughed and shook my head. Doon ko napagtantong dala dala ko pa rin ang ngiti habang pinipisil ang pang-ibabang labi ko habang nandito kami sa court at nagpapractice.

“He said yes?” he whispered while putting his hand on my shoulder.

Ngumisi akong lalo at itinulak siya palayo sa akin.

“Dalawa lang ’yan eh. Sinagot ka, o nakatikim. Or both?”

“Fuck you, Mav,” I pushed him while chuckling.

I couldn’t hide my smile. Kahit pa sa klase, habang nakasandal sa upuan at pinaglalaruan ang ballpen ko, talagang tatakas ang ngisi sa akin habang nakatingin sa malayo.

“Mr. Jarsdel, are you listening?”

At tang ina. Ilang beses na yata akong special mention ng mga prof ko dahil parang nababaliw na ang estudyante nila.

Ah… I really need rehab for this kind of addiction. Malala yata ang tama ko. I was too inspired and too excited that I felt like every time we’re in our circle, I’ve blown our secrets both.

“Baby can you—”

Lumingon ang lahat sa akin habang nasa iisang table kami sa restaurant, lumabas lamang para kumain lalo na’t puno ang cafeteria at tapos na rin ang klase namin.

“Baby, sino?” si Angela na umaangat ang kilay.

“Huh? Nababaliw kana ba, Brent?” si Sadie na natatawang tumingin sa akin.

The boys were knitting their brows, aside from the devil himself, Mavric, who’s smirking at me.

“Ipakilala mo na kasi, Brent,” natatawa niyang sabi.

Namilog agad ang mga mata ng girls. The boys became more suspicious while Shiloh silently ate as Rick glanced at him, looking a bit curious.

For one week straight of being in a relationship with him, I got used to calling him baby. Tinatawag ko lang sa pangalan minsan pag nasa public, pero dahil bangag na lagi at in love pa, talagang sinong hindi madudulas?

“Sinagot kana, Brent?!” ang mga girls na ngiting ngiti.

“Dude. You’re lame. Hindi mo pinapakilala sa amin,” si Ronan na tinapon pa sa akin ang tissue na nasa table.

“Ayaw yatang tumulad kay Connor. Baka raw malasin siya pag pinakilala sa atin,” Tyler laughed.

“O baka naman kasi nandito?” si Rick sa maangas na tinig at mapakla ang ngisi.

Shiloh glanced at him. Natatawa rin siyang nilingon ni Mavric.

“Malay mo Rick ako pala?”

“Hayop ka, Mav. Matuluyan ka sanang gago ka,” Rick said, throwing the remaining tissue on Mavric in a harsh way.

“Sino ba kasi, Brent?! Si Jessie siguro ’yan?!” si Gabriella.

“Bakit ayaw ipakilala sa amin! Selosa ba siya?! Eh hindi niya ba alam na nandidiri kami sa’yo? Walang may tipo sa’yo dito!” si Mica.

“Uy si Jessie guilty!” Turo ni Sadie at humalakhak.

“Jessie’s embarrassing moments,” Tyler added, made me wanted to punch his mouth.

Tumawa lamang si Jessie sa pang-aasar, tila ba nasanay na. Kumalma ako at inabot na lamang ang malapit na ketchup sa harap ni Shiloh lalo na’t sumasabog na ang tawanan nila at inaasar ako. Rick noticed my movement while his brows knitted more, looking at Shiloh again.

Man…

After eating, I couldn’t come near Shiloh because Rick put his arm around his shoulder and walked with him. I folded my arms while I was behind them, and Mavric and Tyler put their arms around my shoulder too. Si Connor at Ronan ay kapwa abala sa phone nila habang ang mga girls ay may iba nang topic habang patungo kaming lahat sa parking lot.

“Sino ba kasi, Brent?” si Tyler na kuryoso.

“Artist student ba?” nangingiting tanong ni Mavric.

I rolled my eyes, but the smile crippled my lips. Ngunit sa tuwing napapasulyap sa kamay ni Rick sa balikat ni Shiloh, talagang nag-iiba ang timpla ng ngiti ko.

Dalawang kotse ang dala namin. Pahirapan din kasi ang parking space sa school, kaya minsan nakakaumay magdala lagi ng kotse. Madalas ’yung girls sa amin, ginagawa rin kaming mga driver nila kaya kahit may kotse ang iilan, sa amin na umaasa.

Dinala ni Rick si Shiloh sa BMW ni Tyler. I wanted to pull him from my own trailblazer, but the demon Mavric occupied the front seat and winked at me playfully.

Kinuha ko ang phone habang pumapasok sa driver’s seat at ang maiingay na girls ay pumasok na sa likuran ng aking kotse.

Ako:

So I’ll get a full kiss all over my body later as your peace offering because I am damn jealous again, huh?

Binasa ko ang labi at pinaandar ang aking kotse habang binababa ang salamin ng bintana para tingnan ang kabilang kotse.

“Sa bahay nila Con, Brent. Brokenhearted na naman,” hagalpak niya habang nagpapanggap na umiiyak si Ronan sa front seat para asarin si Connor na naroon na sa likuran katabi ni Shiloh.

I really can’t have him when we’re with our circles. Ngumisi na lamang ako at bumusina habang nauunang umalis sa parking lot, ang kotse ni Tyler na sumusunod sa akin.

The girls were so loud at the back. Hindi pa nga kompleto ang mga ’to at naroon sa kotse ni Tyler ang iba pero parang wasak na ang eardrum ko dahil sa tinis ng tinig nila.

“Brent, ipakilala mo na sa amin! Baka magaya ’yan sa girlfriend ni Connor na lagi nalang nagdududa sige ka!” Halakhak ni Sadie na nagawa pang isingit ang ulo sa gitna kaya itinulak ko ulit pabalik sa likod.

“May bro code naman kayo, ’di ba? Na kung kaninong babae, hindi dapat popormahan. Tingnan mo nga, ni isa walang nagkainteres kay Verena sa grupo natin kasi bro code niyo ’yung boys!” si Gabriella.

Lumingon si Mavric sa likod kaya tumingin din ako sa itaas. Sadie cleared her throat and smiled while blinking her eyes.

“Gago sila Tyler pero hindi naman gano’n ka gago para ahasin ka, Brent!” The girls continued.

“Sa atensyon lang naman kami ni Shiloh nag-aagawan,” halakhak ni Mavric.

Niyakap ni Mica ang likod ng inuupuan niya at itinagilid ang ulo para tingnan si Mavric.

“Ikaw Mav, baka may girlfriend kana rin at nililihim mo lang?”

I glanced at Mavric and smirked at him. “Engineering ’di ba, Mav?”

Mavric, who arched his brow, looked challenged.

“Oo. Kilala ang baby mo.”

“Huh?! Magkakilala lang ang nilalandi niyo?! Ano ba ’yan! Tapos sasabihin nila na mas masekreto daw kaming girls, pero hindi eh! Kayong boys ang pinaka matinik magtago ng sekreto!” The girls whined.

“Kaya nga ’di ba, pag nagloloko ang boys, tagong tago nila kasi pinagtatakpan ang isa’t isa,” they continued.

Sabay kaming ngumiwi ni Mavric. Lumingon ako sa nakasunod na kotse at kuryoso kung ano nang nangyayari doon kay Shiloh.

“Uy kadiri pag may cheater sa inyo. Pero si Con lang naman ang hilig makipagrelasyon tapos lagi pang hinihiwalayan ng girlfriend,” ang girls sabay hagalpak.

“Ako na ang naaawa kay Connor. Parang siya ang sumasalo ng karma nila Brent kasi masyadong babaero!”

“Ako na naman? Ako nalang lagi.” Iling ko. “Nananahimik lang ’yan si Mav pero masahol din ’yan.”

It was such a long ass topic that as soon as we got into Connor’s house and I parked my car, I hurriedly went out just to get away from the noise of the girls.

Lumingon si Shiloh sa akin nang bumaba rin siya. Rick looked at me again, while Connor looked so problematic as he sighed and talked to Shiloh.

Tyler ordered four boxes of pizza, while I ordered four buckets of fried chicken since it was Shiloh’s usual snack. Si Ronan at Mavric ang sumagot sa iinumin namin lalo na’t ang huling Jose Cuervo yata ay inubos din namin last week.

“Huwag mo nang balikan, Con. That’s bullshit, man. Ilang beses kanang hiniwalayan,” si Ronan nang umuupo na kami sa sala.

“Hindi mo pa nga alam ang pinag-awayan. Hindi natin alam baka itong si Connor din ang may problema,” sabi ko.

“Wow Brent. Ang lawak ng isip mo ngayon ah?” natatawang si Sadie.

“In love kasi,” si Mavric na talagang hindi na ako tatantanan.

Ngumisi lamang ako at sumulyap kay Shiloh. But then Rick’s eyes would catch me again, and I would sometimes take it somewhere else. Dude, what the hell? Kailan pa ang boyfriend ang nag-adjust sa kaibigan? Ako dapat ang maangas dito. Hindi ikaw. Tss.

Tumayo si Shiloh at mukhang nagpaalam para pumuntang kusina dahil sa kung anong sinabi ni Connor. Tumikhim ako at dinala ang pitsel.

“Lalagyan ko ng tubig,” I said as an alibi so I could go there too.

The others didn’t mind since they don’t really care about each other’s movements every time we are all together. Our friendship doesn’t include romantic relationships. Wala pang naging mag ex, o nagka developan kaya kahit yata magsama sama sa kuwarto, o kumandong sa isa’t isa, walang naglalagay ng malisya.

Medyo malayo ang kusina sa sala. Malaki rin ang loob at halos marmol na. I found Shiloh opening the fridge to find something, so I arched my brow and stood behind him.

“Looking for?”

“May sinabi si Con na ice cream daw… Para sa akin,” aniya at kinakalkal na iyon.

“I bought you chicken,” sabi ko.

His face lightened as soon as he took it out. Lumingon ako sa may pinto, siniguradong walang tao. Kaya noong tumayo siya ng tuwid, hinila ko ang kanyang baywang saka siya hinalikan.

Napasandal siya sa sink habang namumungay at naglalaro ang ngisi sa labi ko, tuloy tuloy ang halik sa kanya. He was so stunned, but his lips automatically responded halfway, and I chuckled lightly. Humiwalay ako at binasa ang labi.

“Partial. I’m getting the rest later,” I whispered and smiled.

Kumunot ang noo niya. Binuksan ko ang kabilang pinto ng ref since it’s a double-door refrigerator, so I could get another bottle of water.

Biglang sumulpot si Rick at halos sumeryoso ako habang si Shiloh ay naglakad agad patungo sa kanya.

“Mauna kana,” ani Rick nang tumigil pa si Shiloh at ipinakita sa kanya ang hawak na ice cream.

He nodded and glanced at me. Shiloh leered surreptitiously before walking out of the kitchen. And what’s that? A warning not to punch this beloved special friend of his? I rolled my eyes.

“Linggo bukas. Magg-gym ka?” si Rick na humalukipkip at sumandal sa gilid ng sink.

Nag-isip isip ako. I was actually planning to jog with Shiloh tomorrow morning. Naging routine na rin kasi sa mga dumaang araw naming dalawa.

“Let’s spar,” tango ni Rick sa maangas na paraan.

Umangat ang kilay ko. Is this the sign to punch Rick in the face for taking some of Shiloh’s time?

“Sure. What time?”

“Sabay na tayo. Dito naman tayo matutulog lahat.”

Ah… shit. So I can’t cuddle with my shorty? Wala sa sarili akong tumango habang sabay kaming lumabas ng kusina. Whatever the reason he wanted to spar with me, that’s actually a good thing.

The girls were now talking loudly about the upcoming Halloween party they were planning at Angela’s house. Doon naman lagi ang venue ng mga parties na pinaplano nila.

“Dalhin mo na ang girlfriend mo, Con. Ipa bond mo sa amin,” Angela urged while they were eating the pizza.

Tumingin ako kay Shiloh na nasa harap niya ang apat na bucket chicken, hawak ang isang galloon na ice cream, at inilalapit pa ni Tyler ang isang box ng pizza habang lumulobo na ang pisngi niya kakakain. I laughed a bit, but then, when I realized that the topic was serious, I cleared my throat and tried to act serious too.

“Hindi ka naman siguro nambababae ’di ba, Con?” the girls interrogated.

“Hindi naman,” si Connor na umiling.

“Tinatanong mo ba siya kung ano ang problema?” Sadie asked.

Tahimik kaming nakinig sa girls ngunit dumudulas minsan ang tingin ko kay Shiloh na tumatango pero nasa pagkain ang mga mata.

I took my phone out and took a photo of him secretly. Ngumisi ako at pinatay ang screen ng aking phone, ngunit napawi rin ang ngiti nang makitang magkasalubong lalo ang kilay ni Rick.

“Hindi siya nag-oopen up,” ani Connor.

“Then open it, Con,” si Tyler na humagalpak.

The girls glared at her. Unti-unting napawi ang ngiti ni Tyler at tumikhim.

“Pero may sense ’yon,” si Shiloh.

Lumambot ang tingin ng girls sa kanya. Tyler’s face lightened when his joke made sense to Shiloh, who felt so proud.

“Mostly sa girls hindi nag-oopen up hindi dahil ayaw nilang pag-usapan, kundi baka dahil hindi mo tinatanong, Con. Baka kailangan mo lang magkusa para mailabas niya sa’yo. Baka naghihintay lang din siya na may tutulak noon palabas sa kanya?” ani Shiloh.

I smiled proudly and folded my arms. Lumingon si Mavric sa akin at nagkatinginan pa kami habang malawak ang ngisi ko.

Connor stood and took his phone out. Tila ba biglang may napagtanto at tumakbo na palabas, nagmamadali.

“Con!” the girls called.

“Hayaan niyo,” si Mavric at nagsalin ng inumin sa baso niya.

“Luluhod na naman ’yun sa gate nila,” si Tyler na naiiling.

I glanced at Mavric and saw him typing a text to someone. My brow arched when I read some of his thirsty texts. Whew. Kaya ayokong siya ang kausap ni Shiloh dahil baka kung ano ano ang ikwento niya.

Lumingon si Mavric sa akin, pilyo ang ngiti sa labi at umangat pa ang kilay. This fucker is really wild and desperate.

Chapter 33

Changes

Early in the morning, Rick and I were already up for some good sparring in the gym. I left a message to Shiloh that there was already breakfast on the table, and I told Mavric to keep an eye on him since he’s usually slow when he gets up. Matutulala pa kasi.

It was still seven, and we were already at the gym. Ewan ko ba kay Rick, parang gusto yatang kamao niya ang magiging umagahan ko.

Humihikab ako habang isinusuot ang boxing gloves at handa na siya habang patalon talon. He’s too energized to start it. He’s even punching it into the air, as I could really sense how determined he was to spar with me.

“Come on, Brent,” aniya at tumatalon talong lumapit sa akin sabay bwelo ng suntok.

Nakailag ako at halos magising na ang aking diwa. I think I should wear some protection for my mouth too. Baka balak nitong bungalin ako.

I threw my first punch, which he dodged, and an uppercut punch, which I immediately dodged too. Ngumisi siya at tumagilid ang ulo.

“Suntok, Brent. Lambot ah?” natatawa niyang hamon at muling bumwelo ng suntok.

I did another punch, which hit his jaw. I was a bit worried, but then I thought it was a bad decision because he punched my face. Damn it!

Napaatras ako sa sakit noon. Now I’m awake. I threw two consecutive punches, a left hook and a right hook, which he dodged and threw a punch against my chest. Hindi lang yata ngipin ko ang gustong lagasin nito kundi pati baga ko.

I can feel my sweat trickling down my body because of the aggressive movements I made to avoid and throw punches. He aimed at my jaw, which he successfully did. I aimed at his left cheek, which I successfully did as well. It was with those aggressive movements that I felt like he was releasing some steam on me.

It was half an hour straight. Halos maisip ko na lalaban kaming dalawa sa olympics dahil kapwa kami desidido. Kung dinala namin ito sa totoong boxing ring, baka kapwa kami duguan at nabungal.

We both panted after getting exhausted from it. I took my gloves out of my hands and walked to the bench so I could drink water. I was breathing so hard that I needed to pour the remaining cold water against my head just to freshen myself.

Hinihingal si Rick at nakatuko ang mga kamay sa likuran habang titig na titig sa akin. Naglakad ako papalapit sa kanya at ibinigay ang kamay ko.

He took one of my hands, but when he rose up, he suddenly punched me. Halos napaatras ako at kumunot ang noo. I groaned and clicked my head as I grazed my tongue just to check my teeth. Thank God, I didn’t lose one!

“Babaero ka, Brent. Bakit si Shiloh?” he fired while looking so pissed.

I froze. Sa galit na nakita ko sa titig niya, alam kong…alam niya.

“Ano, nagsawa ka sa mga babaeng ikinama mo? Kaya kay Shiloh naman? Tang ina, Brent! Alam kong gago ka pero hindi ko alam na ganito pala kalala!” He went to me and pulled the neckline of my t-shirt aggressively.

Binasa ko ang aking labi. He’s close to Shiloh. I don’t know if Shiloh told him things or… he found some evidence on his own.

“I courted him seriously—”

“Gago ka! Sa kabi-kabilang issues mo sa babae, talagang paniniwalaan kita?!” Agresibo niya akong itinulak.

“Mahal ko, Rick! Tang ina ka! Ayaw mong maniwala!” I pushed him back, angry that he was questioning my feelings for Shiloh.

Humagalpak siya ngunit alam kong napipikon siya.

“Mahal? Eh hindi ba’t may babae ka noong nakaraan?! Ano ’yon, biglang nagising ka na wala nang babaeng maikakama kaya si Shiloh naman! Gago ka pala, Brent! Hinamon mo nalang sana ako ng suntukan kung gusto mo ng sakit sa katawan!”

He tried coming near me and pushed me again. Umiling ako at natangay sa tulak niya.

“Ano? Magsuntukan tayo! Lalake sa lalake!” He rolled the sleeves of his t-shirt until they were now on the edge of his shoulders, showing that he was now more determined to punch me.

“Noong pinuna mo ako kay Denver, humingi ako ng tawad! Nagpakalalake ako! Kaya ngayon, magpakalalake ka sa akin! Sabihin mo kung bakit sa lahat, si Shiloh?!”

I bowed my head. “I was serious with him. I courted him. I…I fired my shot, Rick.”

“Fired my ass! Lolokohin mo lang ’yan! Ilang babae ang naikama mo, huh?! Sige nga! Ano? Ngayon mo sabihin sa akin kung para saan ’yung pag-aaway niyo lagi at bigla kang lumiko ngayon—”

“Because I was trying to stop my feelings for him, alright?! Dahil mas mahalaga sa kanya ang nahanap niyang kaibigan kaysa ang pagbigyan ang gusto ko noon! Damn it, Rick! You were all his first choice before me! Kayo ang una niyang pinili bago niya ako ngayon pinili!”

Nakita ko na natigilan siya. My shoulder was rocking from the intense growl I gave and the confrontation I shouted.

“He wanted to remain friends with me because he was afraid of getting judged! He was afraid of hurting you! He was afraid of getting abandoned again!”

Titig na titig siya sa akin. Namaywang ako at galit siyang tiningnan.

“Seryoso akong nanligaw. Seryoso kong pinatunayan. At seryoso ko siyang ipaglalaban sa kahit nino, Rick. Ngunit hindi roon kasama ang ikakasira ng pagkakaibigan natin dahil mahalaga ’yon sa kanya! Dahil ayaw niyang masira tayong dalawa!”

His shoulder loosened. Gumalaw ang kanyang panga at nag-iwas ng tingin habang pumupula ang mga mata niya.

“Siguro sa’yo mababaw lang na rason. O sa akin. Kasi handa kong bitiwan ang lahat ng meron ako mahawakan lamang siya. Siya lang, Rick. Wala akong pakialam sa iba. O kahit sa sinong babaeng tinutukoy mo. Mahal ko siya. And yes… yes I’m not straight. Because that’s how he bended me. That’s his effect on me. He can break me. All of me. Not just my fucking gender, but also myself.”

Tumingin siya sa akin, sa pagkakataong ito, kita ko ang medyo gulat sa titig niya ngunit kumuyom ang mga kamay niya.

“Tinago ko sa’yo dahil baka hindi ka pa handa. Pero hindi ko itatanggi dahil hindi ito pagkakamali na itatama ko. I know that choosing him was the right choice. I am in love with him, Rick,” I said in a hard tone.

Ang nakakuyom niyang kamay ay dahan dahang bumukas.

“Kailan lang?” namamaos niyang tanong, ang agresibong tinig ay hindi na mahagilap.

“I got some weird feelings for him just before his birthday. Nakumpirma ko lang noong birthday niya mismo.”

Namilog ang mga mata niya. “Kaya mo dinilaan sa mukha?”

Well… It was my intrusive thoughts kicking in.

“Tang ina ka talaga!” He threw a punch, but this time, it wasn’t that serious. It was more of our usual playful punches.

“At kami na.”

He groaned and crouched down while holding his head, as if he heard his favorite book getting into a movie with his hated actors.

“Tang ina ni Shiloh! Bakit ka agad sinagot?! Hindi man lang pinaabot ng taon!”

Parang ako pa yata ang mas bubugbugin siya ngayon sa sobrang insulto ng sinabi niya.

“Sino pang nakakaalam?” agresibo niyang tanong nang tumayo at mariin ang titig sa akin.

“Mavric,” I shrugged.

“Putang ina!” He puts his hands against his head as he looks so betrayed. “Malamang! Eh parehas kayo ng bituka! Kung anong mga baho mo, baho niya rin!”

Well, obviously. Because he was now flirting with a man. But for one damn reason. To fuck him. I guess he’s more aggressive compared to me at the moment. I’m tamed.

“I’m not like that fucker who harassed you, Rick…” I said slowly.

Tila ba nabasa niya agad ang tinutukoy ko.

“Hindi ako ganoon. I would never…”

“Malamang, Brent. Ilang taon na ba tayong magkakilala? Simula Grade School, kasama na tayo sa basketball nila Mavric. Kung hindi lang din parehas na University ang pinapasukan natin at parehas na varsity, hindi naman tayo talaga magkakasundo.”

My brows knit. Parang siya pa itong napilitang kaibiganin ako ah?

“Pero kilala kita. Kilalang kilala kita. Kaya nga hindi ako boto sa’yo kay Shiloh. Ayoko sa’yo.”

Oh… so his problem wasn’t me not being a straight man, but…because he has high standards for Shiloh? Hindi ko alam kung maiinsulto ako na ganito pala ka baba ang tingin niya sa akin, o mas gugustuhin ko nalang na magsuntukan kaming dalawa ngayon at matira ang matibay.

“Subukan mong magloko, Brent. Magkakagulo talaga tayo.” Banta niya at tinanguan ako sa maangas na paraan.

I tried to stifle my smile. He just…what? He just accepted me?

“So… you’re not mad that…I’m…” tikhim ko.

Hindi siya sumagot. Instead, he rolled his shoulder while hand hold his bicep, stretching from our intense punches earlier.

“Tara. Wala pa akong kain. May malapit na karinderya diyan sa labas…”

We both went out and proceeded to the eatery he was talking about. Namili kami ng ulam at doon sa pinakadulo umupo.

“Heto mga pogi…” ang nakangiting babae nang ilapag ang order namin.

I opened the Sprite in a can and chugged it. Ginalaw ni Rick ang kanin at dinurog iyon habang lumilingon sa akin. Nauubo kong itinigil ang pag-inom at parang ako pa yata ang iniisip niya sa ginagawa niya.

“May nabanggit ba si Shiloh sa’yo tungkol sa akin?”

Umangat ang kilay ko. “He doesn’t share anything with me.”

“Tingnan mo na. Kayo nga pero hindi ka niya pinagkakatiwalaan. Diyan pa lang, Brent, amoy niya sigurong gago ka.”

I rolled my eyes. I can’t believe we were friends for years, and yet my image seems like a downgrade in his eyes.

“Hindi ba pwedeng sekreto niyo ’yon kaya hindi niya sinabi sa akin?”

Marahas ang pagsubo niya, magkakasalubong pa ang kilay. Ginalaw ko rin ang pagkain at sumubo.

“Nagpapatherapy ako,” he confessed quietly.

My chewing slowed down. Seryoso akong bumaling sa kanya. Itinuko niya ang siko sa lamesa at muling sumubo habang natitigilan ako.

“Kailan lang?” I asked.

“Last month. Pinipilit ako ni Shiloh.” He smiled, but it was sarcastic.

That shorty was my friend’s therapist when he badly needed it. My chest clutched. Tinitigan ko ang pagkain ko habang bumabagal din ang pagnguya ni Rick.

“Ayoko naman sa ganito. ’Yung trauma ko, parang wala lang naman talaga sa akin. Pero naiirita ako sa mga bakla talaga. Lumilipas naman ang taon na alam kong hindi mabigat ang nangyari. Kaso noong kinausap ko ’yung therapist ko, doon ko lang napagtanto na mabigat pala. Hindi ko lang naramdaman dahil nasanay ako.” He laughed and shook his head, but the pain mingled with it.

It was the first time I’d seen him so vulnerable. Not during those moments did he share with us what happened, as he could brush it off and we could make some joke about it while he laughed, but right now, he seems so scarred that it shows on the surface how deep the pain was.

“Nasanay akong matapang, Brent. Lalake eh. Hindi nakikitaan ng emosyon. Kasi pag umiyak ka, parang bakla na. Pag mahina ka, parang babae na. Nasanay akong ipagkibit balikat ’yon. Namolestya ako noong kinse pa lang pero dinala ko na parang nadulas lang ako noon. Na kayang kalimutan kahit dala dala ko iyon hanggang ngayon.”

Humahalo ang ngiti sa pagsasalita niya, ngunit sa basag niyang tinig, ramdam ko ang pagpipigil ng emosyon niya.

“Parang kinakahiya kong magmukhang mahina kaysa ang magmukhang biktima.” Natatawa siyang nailing.

I can feel the burden he is carrying. I can feel the raw pain. I can feel all of it, in spite of the laughs he made.

“Hindi ko iniyakan noon, Brent. Nandiri lang ako, pero hindi ko iniyakan. Pero sa therapist ko, tang ina… umiyak ako! Ganoon pala ka sakit… Hindi ko lang nailabas. Ikinulong ko kasi lalake ako eh.” He smiled, but it showed the pain in his eyes.

Humingos siya at sumubo. I looked at my food and fed myself too, when I couldn’t even feel the taste of my food because I was more invested in his painful words.

Uminom siya at muling lumingon sa akin.

“Sa unang pagkakataon, napagtanto ko na ang sarap pala sa pakiramdam na umiiyak ka. Na mahina ka. Kasi pagkatapos noon, ang gaan. Parang may naalis na bigat sa akin. Sa ilang session ko, kahit umiyak ako minsan, hindi na ako nahihiya. Eh masakit eh. Anong gagawin ko?”

I remained silent. When his punches landed on my face earlier, it didn’t hurt. But I never thought the punches in his words right now would cut.

“Sa lahat ng mga naging kaibigan ko, lalo na’t mas close ko kayong mga lalake, kaysa sa babae, noong dumating si Shiloh, iba, Brent… Siya lamang ang nagpayo sa akin nang ganito. Walang halong katarantaduhan. Na ayos lang na maging mahina at umiyak. Ayos lang na aminin mong masakit. Ayos lang na humingi ka ng tulong… Dahil ganoon naman daw denisenyo ang mga tao. Kaya nga marami tayo kasi pag napagod, pwedeng humingi ng tulong sa isa’t isa. Sinabi ’yan ni Shiloh sa akin…”

Humingos ako at tumango. No wonder Shiloh’s been treated so damn well by my friends because he’s been like this. It’s like you can be yourself in front of him because he will never abandon you. He won’t judge you. It was the opposite of the treatment he received. He was treating the people around him as he should be treated as well…

“Kung bakla siya, o kung ano man ang seskwalidad niya, ako ang unang tatanggap, Brent. Kasi siya ang unang taong yumakap sa akin kahit hindi ko naman hiningi. Siya ang unang taong tumanggap sa akin na biktima ako at karapatan kong magmukhang mahina, karapatan kong masaktan, at karapatan kong humingi ng tulong kahit lalake ako. Kaya kung tatalikuran siya ng lahat, kung may mananatili man sa buhay niya. Isa ako,” halos mahina ang tinig niya, at sa nadudurog na timbre ng boses, alam kong nasasaktan siya.

I avoided his eyes because I felt like I’d break when he looked at me.

For the longest time that we’ve been friends, we’ve never been this emotional. Or it was because society enforced a belief in us men that we should act strong all the time. Na pag umiyak ka, bakla ka. Pag nasaktan ka, bakla ka.

We rarely shed tears, like how we used to see girls deal with it. Nor become too vulnerable, like how girls speak their emotions out, and we’d just look at them as if it was their own nature to be that way, girly and too vulnerable.

That’s why when men cry, it appears too girlie, and when they’re overly emotional and mushy, it appears too gay. Being a guy does not compel you to be feminine, as you should act according to your nature—tough and strong because you are a man.

I hadn’t realized this until Rick opened it up. And it saddened me that this is our reality. Men were projected as strong and masculine all the time. That if you didn’t reach the standard or quality of your own nature, you would be addressed as gay, soft, and feminine.

Ginagawa pang insulto ang pagiging malambot o pagiging mahina ng isang lalake sa halip na unawaing walang kasarian ang ganoong emosyon. But sadly, society restricts it, and males are stigmatized for being feminine. Worse, the gay gender has become an insult hurled at men, as they use it as a weapon to shape these men into conforming to the majority’s definition of masculinity. Kaya pag hindi ka pasok sa standard bilang lalake, bakla kana.

“Kung may hindi man ako matatanggap, iyon ay kung bakit ikaw ang pinili niya,” si Rick na umismid.

Ang luha kong nag-aambang tumulo ay nagsiatrasan. Kung gaano kalambot ang titig ko kanina, ngayon ay matalim na.

“Tama nga si Mav, kakwestyon kwestyon ang mga nagugustuhan niya…” sabay tingin sa akin na para bang may mali sa buong pagkatao ko.

“Gago ako sa babae noon pero nagbago ako dahil sa kanya,” I insisted.

“Mahiya ka naman kung hindi ka magbabago. Si Shiloh na ’yan tapos magloloko ka pa?”

I was so worried on the other days that Rick might break their friendship once he found out about us or throw a fit at Shiloh. Pero parang mali pa yata na nag-alala ako dahil mukhang mas inaalala pa nitong hayop na ’to na ako ang pinili ni Shiloh kaysa sa sekswalidad niya.

I’m really damn right. He’s spoiled. Kung nagloko siya sa akin, parang ako pa ang bubugbugin nitong si Rick dahil anong pagkukulang ko at nagloko si Shiloh. Gago. Ako ang unang nakilala nito, pero parang nakay Shiloh agad ang buong simpatya.

And to know that it wasn’t just Rick who was willing to defend him—there’s also Mavric, who has proven to me that he doesn’t care what Shiloh is as long as no one touches him.

“Bakit parang pasekreto ang landian niyo?” bigla niyang tanong. “Kinakahiya mo?” He glared at me.

“Siya ang may sabi na sekreto muna,” I hissed.

Kumalma siya. “Ah… kinakahiya ka…”

Nabitiwan ko ang kutsara at naigalaw ang panga ko. Parang ang hirap paniwalaan pero nakukumbinsi ako. Kinakahiya ba ako no’n? He wanted us to stay low-key, not because he doesn’t want Rick to know or the rest of our friends to know, but because the boys think he has a low standard for choosing me?

At kalmado agad si Rick noong si Shiloh ang nagdesisyon na patago muna ang relasyon namin. Kung ako ang nagdesisyong patago, baka ininsulto na ako nito!

“Tama na rin ’yang sekreto muna. Ayoko ring makitang naghahalikan kayo.” Umismid siya.

I smirked at him. Tumalim ang tingin niya kaya sumubo ako. I won’t disclose that part. I can’t lose my teeth here. Rick seems more overprotective toward Shiloh compared to me.

Now I can’t imagine the trouble if he had seen that video. At mukhang alam ko ang rason ni Shiloh bakit hindi niya binabanggit sa amin iyon. Baka naaaawa sa sasapitin ng mga bumugbog sa kanya pag nalaman naming lahat ang ginawa nila kay Shiloh.

We went back to Connor’s house like nothing happened, but as we jogged together, I could feel a more intimate and deep connection between us. It was like a bond you could not easily break. A bond that would last for a lifetime. A bond worth keeping.

The boys were already up; some were still hangovers. Shiloh was beside Mavric and immediately glanced at us as soon as we went in.

His chair was vacant. Kapwa na kami palapit ni Rick sa kanila. I slowed down because I thought Rick would occupy the seat beside him. But he…didn’t.

“Saan kayo galing?” tanong ni Tyler nang doon umikot si Rick at umupo sa tabi niya.

Mavric raised his brow and glanced at me. His smile immediately touched his lips as I walked toward the seat next to Shiloh.

“Nagsuntukan sa labas,” si Rick.

“Bakit hindi niyo kami sinama? My biceps needed some good stretch,” reklamo ni Tyler.

“Painitin mo lalo ang ulo ni Kael nang makasuntukan mo araw-araw,” si Ronan sabay hagalpak.

I smiled with them as I occupied the seat, while Shiloh seemed a little curious as he munched his food slowly.

“Morning,” namamaos kong bati nang tingnan siya.

The boys were laughing at the topic of Kael’s temper while Rick heard my greeting. But this time, he didn’t pay too much attention to it. He’s accepting it…like he’s part of the changes…as he slowly embraces it.

Chapter 34

Warning: R-18

Punches

After my confrontation with Rick and telling him boldly about my feelings for Shiloh, the next days, hindi na siya ganoon ka kuryoso, tila ba nahanap niya na ang sagot sa mga nagpapabagabag sa isip niya, kaya kumalma na rin.

November was pretty much chaotic, but the main highlight of that month was the Halloween party because there were some invited that quite shocked me, but at the same time, I expected it already.

“Five minutes break! Brent.” Senyas ni Coach sa ilang oras naming practice at sa wakas, binigyan din ng pahinga sa unang linggo ng Disyembre.

I jogged toward him while wearing my plain black t-shirt, black jersey shorts, and a black compression leg sleeve on my left since I wanted to enhance my muscle reflexes in that area during the game.

Hinaplos ko ang buhok kahit naka itim na Nike sweatbands naman ako, it’s just out of mannerism, as I put my other hand on the side of my waist while looking at Coach seriously.

“Maganda ang performance mo lately. Maganda ’yung technique mo, kalmado lang at hindi agresibo. Alam mo paano bibilisan at kailan babagalan kaya mahirap kang gwardyahan. Your calm playstyle is your signature, pero gusto ko ’yung hinahaluan mo ngayon ng liksi. That’s gonna be your asset on the court, so use it wisely.”

I smiled and nodded. He tapped my shoulder before letting me go, blew his whistle to get the other boys attention, and gestured for one of them to come near him.

“Evander!” He pointed at Mavric, who was chugging his water.

Kinagat ko agad ang labi ko. Patay kang bata ka. Masesermonan ’to.

I noticed it during his play earlier. Coach was used to my smooth movements, as it was a distraction I pulled off for my opponents so that they could read my next movement as I immediately shifted it unexpectedly.

Kaso si Mav…

He jogged toward us after giving his water to Tyler, who seemed too thirsty while flapping the tip of his jersey.

“Coach,” si Mavric nang huminto.

With the coach’s sour expression, Mavric immediately scratched his nape while stifling his smile and squinting his eyes. I put my fist against my mouth and tried to clear my throat so I wouldn’t laugh at him.

“Gusto mo bang ilagay kita sa bangko sa buong laro? You were on the bottom on this practice. Ang sinabi ko sa’yo, ayos lang na mabagal minsan ang kilos mo lalo na kung wala masyadong depensa, pero hindi ko sinabing maging mabagal ka sa lahat ng oras!”

“Sorry, coach. Bangag lang…” he tried to smile while scratching his nape continuously.

Hinampas ni Coach ang dibdib niya. “Umayos ka! Magaling ka sa defense, Evander. Huwag mong sayangin ang potensyal mo!” si Coach na ramdam ko ang gigil sa pagbanggit ng apelyido ni Mav.

Mavric nodded roughly. “Yes coach…”

Nailing si Coach at naglakad na paalis. Dahan dahan kaming nagkatinginan ni Mavric at humagalpak. When Coach glanced at us with glares, we both cleared our throats and looked away.

“Sinabon ka ni Coach?!” si Ronan na tawang tawa rin nang pinagkukuna namin ang duffel bag at palabas na ng gym.

“Dude kahit hindi ka namin lapitan kanina umabot sa kinatatayuan namin ang halimuyak ng sabon ni coach,” si Tyler na namulsa sa varsity jacket at natatawa rin.

Mavric put his hands at the back of his head while smiling.

“May ilang araw pa naman. Wala lang talaga ngayon sa kondisyon ang katawan ko,” aniya.

Binatukan siya ni Rick. “Kakatambay mo ’yan sa Engineering. Sino? Si Roshane ba?”

“Buti hindi mo nasabi kay Coach na nakailang rounds kana bago ang practice, Mav?” si Tyler kaya naghagalpakan kaming lalo.

“Tumigil nga si Brent sa pangbababae, pero trumiple ka naman.” Iling ni Connor.

Mavric just laughed at the teasing without even confirming if it was Roshane or… that… Jesus. He’s really out of his mind.

Now that I have slowly paid attention, or because he has given me an idea about it, I can really tell how wise he hides his shit. I was a bit of a vulgar type. Kaya laging nabibisto noon dahil talagang makapal ang mukha kong lumandi nang hindi iyon itinatago. But Mavric, this asshole shocked me. He knows how to hide his shit so well. You cannot trace it unless he tells you or gives you a hint.

The game to which I was looking forward was almost approaching. Ilang beses na rin akong nagpapakondisyon para handang handa sa mismong araw. I’ve been strict with my food intake, and I never skip a week without hitting the gym.

“Wake up…” I whispered early in the morning, which was one of my struggles.

May exercise buddy ka nga, pero maiistress ka muna kakakumbinsi bago ka makapag-exercise!

Shiloh groaned and pulled the blanket over his body. The bed was warm. It was tempting to join him there and cuddle with him, pero sa tuwing naaalalang ang makakalaban ko ay ang mga putang inang iyon, talagang determinado akong paghandaan.

It would always take thirty minutes to convince him to get out of bed. Kaya nga inaagahan ko lalo gumising at nag-aadvance ng thirty minutes para iyon ang aksayahin ko kakagising sa kanya.

It became my daily routine to wake up early, cook breakfast, drive him to school, which is convenient to me since we’re schoolmates, and, of course, exercise during weekends.

Madalas namang jogging ang pinagkakaabalahan namin. I always look forward to when he’s wearing my hoodie while we jog. He’s kind of slow, but I got used to his pace and would slow down as well to join him.

“Sige na mag gym kana,” aniya nang hingal na hingal siya.

“I told you, if you don’t want it there, we could do some exercises without hitting the gym,” sabi ko habang abala sa stretching.

“Kaya nga mag gym na tayo.”

I was shocked that after months of avoiding the gym, he was now urging me to hit the gym! His last was almost eight months ago!

Noong pumasok kami, halos kabado ako sa kanya. Though I can guarantee that I would guard him, I’ve seen a different stance.

He looked lively and determined to try the other equipment—or, should I say, to watch me try it?

“Brent!” bati ng instructor sa akin kaya nakipagbungguan ako ng balikat.

“Balik nang balik si Rowena dito! Mukhang ibang exercise yata ang hanap,” aniya sabay halakhak.

Hilaw ang naging ngiti ko at gusto nalang takasan ang pag-uusap. I glanced at Shiloh slowly, who was now looking at the biggest barbel here. Oh, how much I want to see what’s on his mind? You think you can lift that up and throw it in my face, baby? I chuckled to myself.

As much as I want to grab his waist and kiss him right then, I’ve learned how to discipline myself when it comes to doing so in public. He might get uncomfortable, so I would always think of anything else as a good distraction.

Inakbayan ko siya at naglakad sa dako kung saan pwede kami makapagboxing. I remember this gesture as a friendly one, but right now, we both know that I just want his skin on my skin.

“Help me with boxing?” I coaxed.

Tumango siya, at sa may talim na tingin, ramdam ko agad na parang totohanan ang gusto nito. Mukhang suntok ang matitikman ko sa kanya ngayon ah?

I was a bit playful while he was serious about wearing the gloves. Ngunit si Shiloh, sa talim ng tingin, sumuntok agad.

“Aw…” nanunuya kong daing at napapikit nang tumama iyon sa panga ko.

He was now eager to throw his punches. Malawak ang ngisi sa labi ko habang mabilis ang pag-ilag, halos itaas ang mga kamay para lang hindi matamaan sa pag-aalburoto ng bulkan.

I couldn’t take him so seriously that I stifled my smile because he looked so gorgeously handsome when he was serious.

“Aray. Teka lang. Foul na ’yan. Wala pang gloves ang kalaban sinusuntok mo na agad,” natatawa kong sabi nang hindi nailagan ang isa niyang suntok dahil nadidistract ako.

He smirked sarcastically and rolled his eyes. “Nabasa ko noon ’yung text niyo ni Rowena sa gym. May ginawa kayo rito.”

“What?” I laughed.

He punched my chest again. Hinawakan ko ang mga siko niya at natatawang tumingin sa kanya lalo na’t pulang pula siya.

“’Yung nahulog ang phone mo tapos pinapulot mo sa akin,” pagpapaalala niya.

I tried to recall it. Well, I would admit we’ve done it here sometimes. Dalawang beses lang ’yon. But then, I’m quite mortified right now that he has memorized my dirt in the past with the multiple women I had.

“If only you flirted with me that night you went to my condo? Edi sana maaga akong tumino?” Idinaan ko sa ngisi kahit parang kabado na ako sa talim ng titig niya.

“Isang taon kang matitigang.”

My eyes widened. I know that I haven’t heard of him being this vulgar or even cursing, but to hear a word that meant something about sex…

“You’re cutting off your friendship with Mav,” I declared.

“Ay hindi. Dalawang taon kang matitigang.” Dagdag niya at parang nagbilang pa sa isip niya.

Namaywang ako at mas naging problemado na natututo siya nang ganitong salita. O…sa sobrang tahimik nito minsan… kung ano ano na ang nasa isip.

“Shut up, or I’ll kiss you right here,” I warned.

He made that usual expression of his, leaning a bit, leering at me, and moving his head mockingly. Kung ibang lalake ’to napikon na ako at nakasuntok. Buti nalang at naaalala ko lagi na akin pala ’to. Kung hindi…

He took the gloves out of his hand and threw them on the floor. Naglakad siya doon sa barbells, determinadong umupo at inambahan ng pag-angat. His first attempt was a failure. He didn’t even move it an inch from its bar. He tried it again with furrowed brows, but still failed.

Tumikhim siya at tumayo at doon lumipat sa maliliit na barbell. Ngumuso ako at sumunod habang mayabang niya iyong pinag-aangat at galit na nagbarbell.

Good Lord. How can I even have a bad day if he’s this entertaining?

Doon ako umupo sa barbell. He glanced at me, so I arched my brow confidently and lifted it. Inikot niya agad ang mga mata niya.

“Ikwintas ko ’yan sa’yo…” rinig ko ang banta niya.

“Why? You can lift it?” I laughed.

Tumikhim siyang muli at tiningnan ang biceps niya. Tumingin siya sa biceps ko at siguro napagtanto niya kung gaano ka layo ang katawan naming dalawa.

“Head lock?” I teased.

He leered at me. “Ikaw at ang barbell?”

Damn harsh. Is this his love language? Ang rahas magmahal.

After hitting the gym, he was still moody. Medyo mainit na rin kaya inangat ko ang kamay para isilong siya at takpan ang sinag ng araw na humahalik sa kanya.

“Vitamins ’yan!” He pulled my hand out of the sun.

Hayop. Wala yata akong magagawang tama ngayon dahil galit na naman.

I took him to Starbucks, bought his favorite coffee, and ordered a slice of cake for him. I have a collection of pictures of him while he’s eating. Napuno na rin yata ang album ko kakakuha ng stolen pictures sa kanya.

Umuwi rin naman kami pero kakaibana ang pananahimik niya.

“Galit ka pa rin?” I asked when we slowly entered the unit.

Tahimik siyang nag-aambang maglakad sa sarili niyang kuwarto. I know when he’s jealous. He had this expression in him that he suddenly became gloomy or felt bad.

“Hey…” Hapit ko sa baywang niya at pinigilan siyang pumasok.

I kissed his nape and rested my hand against the door.

“You won’t sulk in your room and overthink it alone when you can communicate it to me, you know,” I encouraged, grazing the tip of my nose against his nape.

His shoulder moved a bit. I wrapped my hand around him more, resting it on his stomach as I pulled him close to my body until he leaned against me.

I sighed weakly and snuggled my face against the side of his neck, which became my favorite habit.

“What’s on your mind, hmm?” I whispered.

I wanted to jump to the conclusion that he was probably jealous. But I wanted to hear the root, not just point it out. He won’t get jealous anymore if I address it in a way to assure him that I won’t let it linger in his mind for a long time.

“Bakit hindi mo sila nagustuhan?” he asked carefully. “Mostly sa types of girls mo, magaganda. Marami din akong naririnig sa kanila. Matatalino rin. At mababait. Kahit si Jessie… nagtataka ako. Kasi girlfriend material siya.”

“I only wanted the fun, Shiloh. You’ve seen it. My past speaks for myself during those days. I don’t care about how academically good they were, how nice, or how girlfriend material they are, since I’m only concerned if they’re game. That’s it.”

Nanatili siyang tahimik kaya nagpatuloy ako.

“You know what’s the difference during yours? It was when I realized that I was falling, when I didn’t intend to. I didn’t choose you. I never wanted you the first time we met. Hanggang sa nararamdaman ko ang pagiging kuryoso ko sa’yo na bago sa akin. It was a process of trying to stay in between and trying to take a risk. And I’ve never been that scared in my entire life to try my luck. To fire my shot. Sa unang pagkakataon, nagdahan dahan ako. Hindi minadali. At takot kang hawakan. It was that realization that I knew I wanted to hold you gently, not because you are fragile, but because I was afraid I might hurt you.”

Bumaling ang ulo niya sa akin, medyo gulat at namumula habang sinisilip ang aking ekspresyon. I smiled and crouched just to graze my nose against his for permission to always kiss him on the lips.

He shifted his body and tiptoed a bit so he would reach for my lips. I crouched more so I could meet him halfway. Nanatili ang isang kamay ko na nakatuko sa pintuan ng kuwarto niya at doon siya isinandal habang tuloy tuloy ang halikan namin.

We weren’t too invested in kissing and touching in our relationship during our first month because I was more invested in letting him take our relationship lightly, based on his own ways. I was more giving him the chance to center his life not just on me but also on his newfound friends and to let ourselves take this foreign relationship the way we were comfortable with. That I could wait until he pays me attention, until he gives me some of his time willingly.

Kumapit ang isa niyang kamay sa batok ko. He’s been such an expert kisser that I could feel the emotions sometimes. Whether it was out of thirst, out of longing, out of happiness, or out of love. And to taste all of it, I deepened it more so I could equal it.

His fingers were now grazing against my hair. I pinned my body more, pushing my knee between his thighs that made him shiver.

Dumaing siya sa bibig ko, halos nanghihina, ngunit umukit sa mukha na gusto niya iyon.

“Can I?” I whispered.

He nodded weakly. I shoved my tongue against his mouth as I slipped my hand into his jogging pants. I grunted when I touched him. Pumikit siya at nanghihinang kumapit ang mga kamay sa balikat ko.

His soft moans were electrifying when I moved my hand back and forth. Yumakap siya ng mahigpit at ramdam ko ang mabibigat niyang paghinga. I kissed his earlobe as I change the pace of my hand.

His whimper became intense. He was now grunting. I shut my eyes and whimpered when I heard how pleasured he was. How his body reacted and how his moans seemed too uncontrollable.

I felt his hot release on my hand. Niyakap niya ako nang mahigpit at halos mahaba ang daing niya.

“Ikaw rin,” hinihingal niyang bulong.

“Can I rub?” I whispered hoarsely.

When Shiloh nodded, I snapped. I flipped his body and slipped my shaft out. I pushed my foot to widen the space in between his legs as I slowly let my length slide in between his legs.

We both grunted. Shiloh seems to know what he needs to do because he closed his legs. I bent over him and whimpered against his nape as I shut my eyes.

The softness of his legs was enough to pleasure me. I got a vivid sight of his pale butt as my length slid into him continuously.

I was growling. Shiloh seems so blinded by the pleasure that his moans are almost heavy.

I stood straight, wrapped my hand around his shaft again, and inserted my other hand into his hoodie as I pinched his nipple and kissed his jaw while I changed the pace of my thrust.

Sumigaw siya at kumapit sa aking batok. My jaw clenched while the immeasurable pleasure was rushing all throughout my body, making my heat burn all of my senses, my mind almost blank, and the only thing I could hear was his soft and sensual cries while my aggresive grunts mingled with them.

I directed my shaft to brush it from his erection as I locked them both in my hand when I couldn’t hardly clasp my fingers because I was that big. He wasn’t small, but he became one because of me.

Just a few more strokes, and I trembled. Sumunod din siya at halos naisandal ang mga kamay sa pinto habang nanghihinang naipatong ang ulo niya roon.

I was panting so hard. It was a spasm right after one. And I was still moving myself a bit so I could prolong it, while I was grunting from the second orgasm that came next.

It felt so good. Hindi ko kailanman nakita ang sarili ko sa lalake. But this is quite different and definitely the best. Maybe because it was made out of love. I was more putting emotions into it and paying attention to make him feel good instead of making myself feel good.

Mavric:

Meet us. Usual spot. Don’t bring Shiloh.

Kumunot ang noo ko habang naglilinis ng kuwarto ni Shiloh. He was showering. And of course I’m stuck here replacing the sheet because we repeated it on his bed.

Ako:

Can’t. Next time. Inuman ba?

Mavric:

Nagwawawala sila Rick. We’ve seen the video, Brent.

Halos wala sa sarili ang kilos ko. I walked to the bathroom and knocked while putting my t-shirt on immediately.

“Hindi pa ako tapos!” he answered.

“Nagtext si Mav. Makikipagkita lang ako saglit!”

“Okay!”

Kung nasa mood lang ako, baka natawa ako sa ligalig ng tinig niya at ramdam kong masaya, but I was so distracted by Mavric’s text that I didn’t waste my time, took my car key in my room, and rushed to our usual spot.

Nagpapark pa lang ako, natanaw ko na sa garahe ang mga mukha nilang lahat. The boys are all here. Sa dilim ng ekspresyon ni Rick na nakapangalumbaba sa terasa, si Tyler na nakahalukipkip at seryoso, si Connor na problemado, si Ronan at Mavric na tahimik, alam kong naghihintay lang silang lumabas ako.

“Bakit hindi ka nagsampa ng kaso, Brent?” Malakas na sigaw ni Rick nang nilapitan ko sila sa terrace.

Ang una kong napansin agad ay ang dumudugo niyang kamao.

Sa reaksyon nilang lahat, mukhang ni isa, walang pinagsabihan si Shiloh. Lalo na’t kahit ako, hanggang ngayon, hindi niya pa rin nakukwento.

“Takbuhan natin siya ng problema pero sarili niyang problema hindi natin alam?!” si Rick na agresibo ang tinig.

“Alam mo ba ’to, Brent?” seryoso at mababa ang tinig ni Tyler.

I was even stunned by how dark his expression is in spite of him looking calm.

“Binugbog at binastos! Tang ina!” si Rick na nasambunot ang buhok.

Connor shook his head disappointedly; his eyes were like daggers when he looked at me.

“Hindi man lang ba nagsampa ng kaso ang parents ni Shiloh, Brent? This is a serious offense. Para siyang tinratong hayop sa video,” si Connor.

Namulsa si Mavric at kinuha ang paketeng sigarilyo. Ronan was too silent, as he looked lost and angry at the same time.

“Hindi rin nababangit ni Shiloh sa akin. Kahit ngayon,” seryoso kong paliwanag.

I saw the shock in their expression. Gumalaw ang panga ni Rick at marahas ang paghinga. Nilapitan ni Connor at tinapik ang balikat pero siniko niya ito, ayaw magpahawak.

Inilingan siya ni Mavric habang naninigarilyo. Tyler gestured for the pack of cigarettes, so he tossed it from him, took one piece of it, and passed it to Ronan, who absentmindedly took one as well.

“Saan ba sa Cebu ’yon? Tara?” Tango ni Tyler sa akin.

Inihagis ni Ronan ang pakete ng sigarilyo sa akin. I took one. Mavric tossed his lighter to Tyler to light his. And Connor, who wasn’t a smoker among us, walked toward me and took a cigarette too.

“Ano? Puruhan natin. I have a family lawyer to back us up if things get out of hand, you know,” patuloy ni Tyler na hinithit ang sigarilyo.

“Papunta silang Manila. Dito natin abangan,” si Mavric na seryoso.

Tinapik ni Ron ang tiyan ni Tyler kaya wala sa sariling ipinasa ni Tyler ang sigarilyo niya. Ron lit his cigarette using Tyler’s cigarette. Tiningnan ko si Rick na nakayuko pa rin at hawak ang ulo.

“They’re aiming for the finals. Zero loss. Quite an elite in Cebu. Mga galing sa mayayamang pamilya kaya yata napaboran ng paaralan,” si Mavric na mukhang inisa isa na ang mga iyon dahil sa impormasyong nakuha niya.

“Tss. Talking ’bout family backgrounds, huh? Palamunin lang din naman sa magulang,” natatawang si Tyler pero humahalo ang galit habang ibinabalik sa labi ang sigarilyo.

“Do something about this, Brent,” ang malamig na tinig ni Rick.

“I have plans. Let’s beat them on the court, then beat them after the game,” sabi ko.

“’Yun lang?” agresibong nag-angat ng ulo si Rick. “Gago. ’Yun lang?!”

Sumandal si Ronan at natulala sa ceiling. “You know, Brent. The only thing I can’t tolerate in this world is those who tolerate the perpetrators. If we’d remain silent on this, then what are we? We are worse than them. We know this shit, and yet we stay quiet instead of cutting their disgusting cycle.”

“This is a serious case we can’t drastically handle, Ron. Oo may alam tayo, pero hindi natin alam ang buong kwento. I know that Shiloh is the victim here, but I wanted to hear it from Shiloh first before taking an action. Kung tayo ang gagawa ng hakbang para sa kanya, hindi natin alam kung ano ang mararamdaman niya rito. We must ask for his consent first.”

“Bullshit, Brent! Traumatized ’yung tao kaya hindi nakakapag-open up! Ano, hihintayin natin hanggang kailan niya sasabihin?! Tutunganga tayo?! Walang gagawin?!” si Rick na tumayo na at sa galit, parang makikipagsuntukan pa yata.

“I’ve seen him flinch multiple times, Rick. He was having a hard time. If we force this on him, this might be a trigger. Kung ano ang ginawa niya sa sarili niya dahil naalala niya ulit, at dahil kusang pinaalala sa kanya, hindi ko alam kung anong magagawa ko roon sa mga gagong iyon. I don’t think I could still hold my moral if he snapped from this.”

Tumahimik siya. Nailing si Connor at napahithit sa sigarilyo. Tyler stared at me. Si Ronan, tulala pa rin sa kisame habang si Mavric ay hindi na mabasa ang ekspresyon.

“Doon pala ’yon. Kaya pala hindi siya nanghahawak,” si Mavric na tila ba napagtanto iyon.

Rick sighed aggressively. He turned his back, punched the wall, and groaned. Connor walked to him and pulled his hand. Siniko niya lang ito at talagang galit na galit siya. He would fracture his hand for fuck’s sake! Ako ang lumapit at marahas siyang itinulak hanggang napaupo siya sa sahig.

“Save those fucking punches on their faces, Rick! I’d understand more if you fractured your bone for those bastards!” sigaw ko nang matauhan siya.

Ganadong ginalaw ni Mavric ang katawan. “Tara sa court, Rick. Gusto kong magpapawis.”

Chapter 35

Little Secret

The boys were now eager to practice. Kung gaano ka lamya ni Mavric sa nagdaang practice, ngayon, halos agresibo siya. Kahit ang iba, lalo na si Rick, ramdam mo ang gigil sa bawat kuha ng bola.

The coach couldn’t even react to the way we practiced. They were already treating it like an actual game, and the coach’s brows were furrowed the whole time, his hands on the sides of the waists, while the whistle on his lips didn’t blow at all because he didn’t find any mistakes in our play.

One week straight, we were like animals in court! At kahit 5AM, ginigising na ako ng tawag nila para lang magjogging kami nang sabay at deritso sa gym!

“Anong nangyayari sa kanila?” tanong ni Shiloh nang sinama ko siya lalo na’t ayaw ko namang iwanang tulog.

Nagulat siya lalo na’t mga alas singko pa lang, nasa labas na ng unit ang lima! And Shiloh has no choice but to participate since I wanted him to come along with me.

Tumingin din ako sa boys na kanya kanya ang pag-eexercise. Tyler was on the barbell, lifting it. Rick on the small barbells, enhancing his biceps; Mavric doing some vigorous sit-ups; Connor on the treadmill; and Ronan on the barbell as well.

“Anong nakain?” bulong ulit ni Shiloh nang kahit siya, napapansin na ang pagiging pakawala ng lahat.

Umiling ako at pinagtuunan ng pansin ang paglalagay ng gloves sa kanyang kamay.

“Eyes on me. May sarili kang gym trainer kaya huwag mo silang pansinin,” sabi ko para hindi niya na isipin iyon.

Shiloh lets me wear my own gloves too. Tumayo ako sa harap niya. I clicked my neck to each side while stretching my arms. Bumaling ang ulo ng iilan sa amin.

Nagsimula din naman kaming dalawa. This time, we’ll both spar. When Shiloh fired his first punch, I dodged it.

“Ba’t umiilag, Brent?” sita ni Rick.

I glared at him. Sumasali sa relasyon namin ah? Mag-exercise ka diyan!

Shiloh fired another punch, and I immediately stepped backward to avoid it. Kahit mahal ko ’to ayaw ko namang magpabungi sa kanya.

“Left hook and then upper cut on the right hand, Shiloh,” si Mavric na nagbibigay ng tip at mukhang nanonood na rin pala.

“Huwag umilag, Brent!” si Rick na muling sumigaw.

“Dude, mind your own—fuck.” I cursed when Shiloh fired the punches Mavric had told him.

“Nice one, Shishi!” si Tyler na ngiting ngiti at nanonood na rin.

Shiloh smiled and punched his fists at each other, clicking his neck confidently. Binasa ko ang labi at ginalaw rin ang aking ulo habang umaangat ang aking kilay. Yabang ah? Purket may mga kakampi?

Tumigil si Mavric sa paglilift ng barbell at lumapit na. Even Rick stood next to him while putting his arm against his shoulder.

“Use your knee, Shiloh. If he punches, crouch and punch him on the stomach,” patuloy ni Mavric.

Lumingon akong muli sa kanya. “Gago ka Mav—” I cursed when Shiloh’s punch landed on my stomach.

Sumigaw si Shiloh at nagtatalong lumapit kila Mavric at nakipag-apir habang tumatawa! Tuwang tuwa!

I glared at them and pulled Shiloh back. This time, Tyler was now watching beside Rick while crouching down as he chugged his water.

I fired my first punch. Kaso hindi ko alam na malakas pala kaya tumama sa balikat niya. Napatayo si Tyler habang napamura si Rick, si Connor na nasa treadmill ay napaalis para lumapit.

“Swap nga, Shiloh! Ako nga!” si Rick na gusto nang sumali sa gigil sa akin.

“Ang rahas mo, Brent. Masakit ’yon,” si Mavric.

“Tayo nga. Ang yabang nitong si Brent,” si Tyler na kumuha na rin ng gloves.

Sa huli, kami ang nagsuntukan. I could really feel how determined they were to punch me! At hindi makatarungan na five over one! Grabeng pandadaya ’to!

After hitting the gym, the boys went back to our unit to cook breakfast and plan for the next practice. Kung hindi ko lang alam na nalaman nila ’yung video, iisipin ko na gusto nilang magpabango sa mga scouts na pupunta at mamimili ng isasali sa malalaking grupo ng basketball dito sa Pilipinas.

On the last week of school before the final game, we used the remaining time of our breaktime to practice on the court. May inilaan namang mga araw si coach na magpapahinga lang kami bago ang actual game, pero sa determinasyon nilang magpractice, pakiramdam ko sa mismong game lanta na ang katawan ko dahil sa agresibong paghahanda!

“Nice, Evander!” sigaw ni Coach nang maka three-point shot si Mavric.

I was damn exhausted while crouching against my legs as my sweat trickled down my face. The girls are watching us on the bench together with Shiloh, who’s holding the blue gatorade he always reserves for me.

May napansin akong pumasok kaya bumaling ang ulo ko roon. My brow arched not because it was Verena but because of the man she was with.

With his clean and well-ironed button-down shirt, glasses, and the intensity of his stance, my brow arched and I glanced at Mavric.

Mavric ran to the other corner of the court as his shoes were making a sound when he dribbled the ball and dunked it on the ring. Pumalakpak si Coach habang mayabang na itinaas ni Mavric ang mga kamay, malaki ang ngisi at proud na proud sa sarili.

Nailing ako at napangiti. Isang sulyap lang ang ginawa niya sa bench, saka inangat ang dulo ng kanyang jersey at pinunasan ang mukha habang bumabalandra ang matigas na tiyan. I laughed and shook my head again. The fucker is purposely flashing!

Sumenyas si coach na break muna kaya nagtungo kami sa kabilang parte ng gym kung saan nakalagay ang mga gamit namin. The other boys jogged to the girls while I walked to Mavric, who was busy with his own duffel bag.

Nakita ko na itinabi niya lang ang phone sa gilid pagkatapos basahin ang screen. Nabasa ko roon ang limang missed calls at mga text na galing sa iisang pangalan.

“Nandito ah?” bulong ko at lumingon sa bench kung saan umupo sila Verena, kasama ang lalake.

Mavric pulled the back of his varsity and tossed it on top of his duffel bag. Natawa ako at hinampas ang biceps niya. Mavric smirked.

“Hindi ako nagparamdam. Seems like all of my thirst trap work?” He raised his brow.

Humagalpak ako. Gago! Ang lala!

“Kaya ka naghuhubad ngayon?” Tingin ko sa katawan niya.

“What? It’s sweaty, Brent.” Ngunit humagalpak siya kaya nag-apir kaming dalawa dahil basang basa ko ang galawan niya. Para namang hindi ako ganyan noon sa girls!

We both walked toward the girls while murmuring about it. Lumapit ako kay Shiloh, kaya inilahad niya sa akin ang gatorade. I smiled. Mavric took the water Mica had handed him.

“Grabe, Mav. Kailangan ba talaga magpaka topless ka?” sita ni Angela.

“Retired na kasi si Brent sa pagiging mayabang sa katawan kaya si Mavric na ang umuupo sa trono,” ani Gabriella.

Mavric only laughed. Naiiling akong ngumisi at bahagyang tumingala para ibuhos ang ang gatorade sa bibig ko. The girls continued teasing Mavric, and they even pretended to get whipped by his stomach as they touched it.

Inakbayan ni Rick si Mavric. “Nangunguna ka sa practice ah? Parang gusto kanang sabitan ng medalya ni coach.”

“Oo nga! Noong mga nakaraan ang bagal mo, Mav! Nahuhuli ka pa nga!” ang mga girls.

“I always have my ways to be at the top, you know…” ani Mav.

“Yabang!” tapon ko sa tuwalyang nakasabit sa balikat ko.

Tumawa si Mavric. In my peripheral vision, I saw how Verena and that man stood out from the bench. Ang maingay naming grupo ay unti-unting natahimik nang mapansin din na dadaan sila sa harap namin para lumabas na. The girls were all looking at the man, and the boys, looking at of course, Verena.

Mavric opened the water and gulped it down while Verena looked at Shiloh. Shiloh smiled and nodded, as if he were acknowledging their presence, when Verena pointed at the exit.

I literally smelled the scents of the two when they walked past us as we silently watched them. Mavric, who was chugging his water, side-eyed them.

Tumingin ang boys sa akin. But since I wasn’t too invested in Verena anymore, they didn’t make a fuss. While the girls looked at each other meaningfully as well and grinned.

“Shiloh, ireto mo kaya ako?” si Gabriella na ngiting ngiti.

“Tutok ’yon sa pag-aaral,” ani Shiloh.

“Kuya ’yon ni Chloe, ’di ba?” si Mica.

“Oo. ’Yung pinopormahan ni Mavric na kaibigan noong pinormahan din ni Brent na si Shila,” si Angela.

Damay na naman ang sibilyan. Tumikhim ako at tumingin kay Shiloh na tumingin din sa akin.

“May girlfriend ba ’yon? Inimbitahan mo noong Halloween party, ’di ba, Angela? Nakita ko siya,” si Gabriella.

“Oo. Nagulat nga ako pumunta. Eh ang seryoso talaga no’n mag-aral. Nangunguna sa Department nila,” si Angela.

“Crush na crush ko ’yon noon sa Engineering Department. Sikat ’yon sa mga girls eh,” si Sheena.

“Pag guwapo talaga ang bibilis niyo.” Iling ni Ronan.

“S’yempre, Ron! Mabibilis nga kayo sa magaganda! Magpapahuli ba kami?” ang mga girls.

“Nakakausap mo ba ’yon, Shiloh? Para kasing ang maldito. Mukhang hindi marunong ngumiti at mamansin,” si Gabriella na lumingon sa kanya.

“Oo. Siya gumagawa minsan ng assignments ko lalo na’t nagpapatulong din ako dahil matalino.”

Umangat ang aking kilay. Bahagyang natawa si Mavric at inakbayan ako. Now I’m rooting for Mavric to snap that man. Tagagawa ng assignment? Eh ako nga ang nagpupuyat minsan gumawa ng assignments niya! Tapos doon pala siya lumalapit para magpatulong?

Tumingin si Shiloh sa akin, tila ba napagtanto ang sinabi. Hilaw ang ngisi ko at ininom ang natitirang gatorade. Manunuyo kana naman? Ano? Clingy na naman?

Tss.

We resumed our practice. Coach seems satisfied by our movements and says he wants us to continue our performance.

After the practice, the boys were eager to drink in Angela’s place since the girls were now planning a night swim. The exam just ended, and they were now planning some big vacations after Christmas.

Shiloh:

Maliligo ka?

We’re sitting in the living room while Connor is opening the bottle of Jose Cuervo. May tatlo ring GSM blue na madalas naming ipares bilang panghuli.

Ako:

Hindi na.

Hindi ko pa lang naibabalik sa bulsa ko, nakareply agad.

Shiloh:

Dahil nalulunod kana sa selos?

I rolled my eyes.

Ako:

Tagagawa pala ng assignments mo?

Coz I remember it clearly! Noong nagpuyat ako matapos lang ang assignments niya, kinabukasan ay itinulak tulak niya ako kay Jessie at hindi inaming napuyat ako sa kuwarto niya. Masama ang loob ko noon kaya bakit ko makakalimutan?

Shiloh:

Oo. Matalino siya

Ah… tapos bobo ang tingin niya sa akin? Kaya hindi siya sa akin lumalapit? I didn’t reply anymore.

“Kanino ’to? Sinong una?” si Ronan na nagsasalin bilang gunner.

“Ako,” sabi ko at kinuha iyon.

I gulped it down in one shot. Umangat ang kilay ni Rick habang bahagyang natawa si Ronan at Tyler.

“Nabasted siguro ’to noong pinopormahan niya,” si Ronan.

“Baka mawala ka dito mamaya, Brent. Luluhod ka ba sa labas ng gate?” Tyler teased and laughed.

Sinipa ko siya sa ilalim habang ngumingisi. Mavric smirked and licked his lower lip.

“Bakit, Brent?” si Rick na seryosong nagtatanong. “Ikaw siguro ang may kasalanan.”

Natawa ang boys. Hindi ko pa nga sinasabi, ako agad ang may kasalanan!

Sumulyap ako sa phone ko nang nagtext ulit si Shiloh.

Shiloh:

Maligo ka rin

I was thinking about it. Maliligo para masuyo niya ako roon? Thought he was keeping us a secret? Dami na talagang atraso ng isang ’to. Bahala ka diyan.

I didn’t reply until the girls, who were in their bikinis, went to the living room.

“Ayaw niyong maligo boys?” sila Angela.

Umiling ang boys na hindi na masyadong tumingin. I folded my arms and looked at how Ronan started gunning for another shot.

“Kayo na,” si Tyler na sumenyas sa kanila.

I saw how Shiloh peeked his head on the side and peered at the sliding door while he’s topless. Mapaghanap ang tingin niya at noong mahanap ang malalim kong titig, dahan dahang binawi ang ulo.  Malamang, may kasalanan. Subukan mong lumapit dito. I’d seriously put you on my lap and expose to everyone that you’re fucking mine.

“Tara, Shiloh. Ayaw daw nila,” the girls said as they were now walking to the swimming pool.

“Kahit si Brent?” rinig ko ang boses niya.

“Ewan ko doon. Hayaan mo sila. Mas gusto nilang nag-iinuman eh. Baka brokenhearted na naman si Connor.”

At parang ako yata ang brokenhearted dito sa inaasta ko.

Rick glanced at me. “Mukhang gusto kang pasalihin ni Shiloh doon.”

“Dito na,” sabi ko at inambahang kunin ang shot na inilahad ni Ronan kay Mavric.

“Sumali kana doon, Brent. Baka magtampo ’yon si Shiloh. Magalit ang girls. At masasali na naman kami pag hindi ka nila pinayagang humalo sa kanila,” si Ronan na inilayo ang shot glass sa akin.

“Wala ako sa mood maligo. Wala akong dalang pamalit,” sabi ko.

“May extra t-shirt ako sa kotse, Brent,” si Tyler.

“Don’t be so petty over silly things, Brent. Nag-away na naman siguro kayo?” si Connor.

“Nag-away ’yan. Pag umiilag, halatang galit na naman sa isa’t isa.” Halakhak ni Tyler.

“Ikaw pa ang galit huh? Maligo kana roon!” si Rick na kulang nalang yata dadamputin ako at itatapon doon sa pool.

I sighed and stood. Hindi yata kakalma ang mga hayop na ’to kung hindi ako lagi ang nagpapakumbaba kay Shiloh. And can you believe it? Even though they don’t have an idea about us except for Rick and Mavric, they always jump to the conclusion that it was my fault.

“Uy Brent! Buti naman!” the girls cheered as soon as I boredly went out.

Hinila ko ang t-shirt sa likuran. I tossed it on the sun lounger and unbuckled my belt too. In my peripheral vision, I could see Shiloh watching me strip my clothes, leaving my boxers on.

The girls weren’t really swimming. They were just busy taking pictures and making videos on the side of the pool while half of their bodies were still dry. I dived until the water splashed, making them shout.

I swam to the edge of the pool. Noong makarating sa dulo, saka ko hinila ang sarili ko at pinindot ang aking tainga.

Paano ko gagawin ’yang assignments niya ngayon kung Christmas break na? And I thought the reason he wasn’t asking for my help on his assignments was because he could handle it? ’Yun pala, may ibang gumagawa.

Kahit natutuwa ako minsan na sinusuyo niya ako pag nagseselos ako, pero hindi ko na yata nagugustuhan ang pakiramdam na ’to. Parang sinaksak niya ako pero siya rin ang gagamot!

A damn red flag. The boy liked the red strawberry because they’re both red. And I am such a farmer for obsessing over him!

Sa tagal kong nanatili sa dulo at magkasalubong ang kilay, may biglang umahon sa gilid ko. When I glanced, I saw Shiloh brushing his hand against his hair and pushing it backward, making his features vivid.

“Sumali ka doon sa amin,” he insisted, and he pointed at the girls, who were still busy on their phones, and laughed.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Itinuko niya ang mga siko sa gilid ng pool at sinilip ang ekspresyon ko habang kalahati ng kanyang katawan ay halos nakaahon na sa tubig.

“Kahit lalake pinagseselosan mo?” he asked, a bit playful but at the same time concerned.

At anong lalake? Now that I know he fucked Mavric?! Hindi ako maloloko ng tindig ng hayop na ’yon! He might be the real description of superior men, but heck, I know his types! Baka kaya tinutulung-tulungan itong si Shiloh kasi tipo niya rin! Knowing my Shiloh is so damn attractive, no one would fall for him! At ang isang ’to na nililihim ang relasyon namin, baka iniisip noon single ’to! Mukha pa naman ’tong single makaasta! Akala mo walang gwapo at matinong boyfriend…

“Does he know you’re taken?” I asked.

Matagal ang titig niya. “Friends lang kami.”

Friends, huh? When Verena was so fond of him. Tapos malalaman ko…

I rolled my eyes again. Gago. Wala yatang araw na hindi ako nagtatampo sa isang ’to. Parang kinakahiya talaga ako. Tama nga yata si Rick.

“Kinakahiya mo ako.” At hindi na yata nakaya ng bibig kong ilabas ang saloobin ko.

Namilog ang mga mata niya. Kalaunan, natawa siya. I brushed my fingers against my hair and looked away.

“Low-key tayo,” he said while laughing.

Low-key my ass. “Baka dalawa mo kaming pinagsasabay, huh? Kaya siguro may pa schedule ka sa akin dahil iba dito sa school, iba din sa labas.”

Sumabog ang tawa niya at nawawala na naman ang mga mata habang bumabalandra ang mapuputing ngipin.

“Sino siya? Boyfriend number two? O baka ako ang number two?”

Tumawa siyang muli. Shiloh’s own pleasure when I’m miserable. Ah… What a fetish! And my pleasure was his laugh. Tang inang ’yan. Kinikilig pa ako sa timbre ng boses ha?

The girls called us, inviting us to the kitchen to eat. Umiling si Shiloh habang nakangiti kaya naiwan kami roon sa labas. He suddenly submerged into the water, which got me worried for a bit, but when he rose up in between my arms, I could really tell that this one has something on his mind again.

He brushed his hair backward and wiped the trickling water out of his face while he rested his other hand on my shoulder. Shiloh smiled when our faces leveled. I rolled my eyes and looked away, but he laughed.

“Ang dali talagang malaman pag nagseselos ka,” he said playfully, splashing me with water.

Napapikit ako dahil sa pagtama ng tubig sa aking mukha saka rin dumilat.

“Ako ang napuyat noon kakagawa noong activities mo. Pero siya ang binida mo sa kanila,” I whispered.

“Malamang! Siya ang topic eh.”

I looked at him with furrowed brows. Nangingiti siyang tumingin sa akin. And damn… for the first time, just please make this sunshine ugly! Hindi nagtatagal ang galit ko!

He stroked my hair and played with it, as if he were trying to style it while laughing. My other hand slowly crawled onto the side of his waist and pulled him toward me.

“Dean lister ka raw ulit? Congrats. Ang talino mo.” At parang pina-plastik pa yata ako!

Wow, Shiloh? What nice timing, huh? Pampalubag loob ba?

“Mahirap kaya ang accounting. Noong ginawa mo ang activities ko perfect ’yon. Magaling ka sa math. Sa solving,” he continued.

Ngumuso ako. I tried to stifle my smile and cleared my throat as I tried to stay serious.

“Busy ka bilang varsity pero naipagsasabay mo. Konti lang ang nakakagawa niyan.” Wala ’to. Nakokonsensya talaga ’to kaya nilulunod ako sa compliments. Uutuin pa ako!

“I won’t think that you were doing this to lift up my mood because you know I’m mad.” I whispered.

Sumabog ang tawa niya at napasandal na ang ulo sa aking balikat habang kapit na kapit sa aking braso. Man… he’s not this clingy. And every time he’s clingy to me, I just want to tease him even more. Ako lang yata itong galit pero nakikipagtawanan pa sa kanya. Grabeng pagmamahal. Inaalila ako. Dinaig ko pa yata ang pagiging bottom ni Mavric dahil taob na taob ako ni Shiloh!

I tilted my head and kissed the side of his neck while I tried to frown. Nangingiti siyang sumulyap sa akin.

“Mad? Marunong ka?” He smiled and brushed his lips against mine.

Not again, Shiloh. My stomach churned. And damn it. Just. One. Fucking. Kiss!

I tried to look away, trying to ignore it. But then, he playfully bit my chin. Oh good lord…

Noong mariin ko siyang tinitigan, he smirked and leaned closer, tilted his head, and shove his tongue into my parted lips. Marahas ang pagkakasalubong ng kilay ko, hindi dahil galit ako sa kanya, kundi dahil galit sa sarili kung bakit kayang kaya niyang baliin lahat ng sa akin.

I pinned my body against him as I sighed and pulled his waist toward me. His hand was now against my nape as he slightly brushed his fingers upward on my hair, gripping it a bit and kissed me like how he learned from me.

I groaned against his mouth when I realized that he can always have his way with me because I am this whip for him. I am this in love. Kung sinabi niyang kaibigan lang, edi kaibigan lang!

“Hindi ko lang sinasabi pero…gustong gusto kita,” he whispered in the middle of the kiss.

I stopped. I hadn’t realized that he wasn’t this vocal. Now that he’s admitted boldly about his feelings, I’m quite stunned.

Tumigil ako sa paghalik para lang tingnan siya. “You love your boyfriend so much? You love me so much?” I whispered against his lips.

At gago ka, Brent! Para namang nanglilimos sa tanong mo! Hayaan mong sabihin niya!

He nodded and placed his hand against my cheek and caressed it lightly using his thumb.

“Dahil sa’yo… niyakap ko nang buo kung sino ako,” marahan ngunit malinaw niyang bigkas.

Bumaba ang aking balikat at lahat ng mga hinanakit ay parang bulang naglaho sa isip ko.

“Gusto ko lang kasi talaga na manatili sa linya. Kaso ang hirap mong hindi gustuhin.” He laughed more, but with the twinkling in his eyes, I knew how much it meant to him that he was finally saying this to me. I could sense that he had finally freed himself.

Now I feel bad. I’m not sure why it hurts every time he says what’s on his mind. He always sounded so sincere and pure, like an angel who doesn’t want to hurt someone. That’s why he’s doing his best to give everything he’s got because he always wants the people around him to be happy.

“Since when?” namamaos kong tanong. “Since when did you have that feeling for me?”

He smiled. “Nauna ako, Brent. Hindi mo pa lang ako gusto… gusto na kita.”

My eyes widened. Noong mga panahong…hindi ko siya gusto, palihim niya na akong gusto? And all this time, he was just pretending to ignore me, or probably doing his best to ignore me to stop his feelings, but he silently likes me?

Oh this little sly!

Uminit ang batok ko. Worse, it traveled all throughout my body. His words blurred everything. I crouched and kissed him, not once, not twice, but continuously as my arm tightened around his waist while my stomach was churning as if I were on cloud nine.

It was because of his confession that I became weak and lost. If only we were in the unit, I’d fucking kiss all of his body. And I won’t even leave an inch. I’ll kiss and suck his skin. I’d kneel and worship him.

Kung hindi lang nakarinig ng basag na baso, hindi ako matatauhan, ganoon din si Shiloh na hinihingal pa habang itinulak agad ako.

When I glanced at where it was coming from, we saw Sadie with her eyes widened and a shocked expression. Oh, it’s just Sadie…

I tried to go near Shiloh again, wanting another kiss, but Shiloh stopped my lips and leered at me, as if I should pay more attention now that someone has found out about our little secret.

Lumingon kami kay Sadie na natatarantang bumalik sa loob kaso bumangga pa sa sliding door at napaupo. Those who heard the shattering of glasses stood and went out until they saw Sadie on the floor, wincing a bit for her clumsiness. Tumawa muna sila bago ito tinulungan.

“Ireview natin sa CCTV! Kitang kita ’yon!” the girls said while they were still laughing as Angela pulled Sadie up.

Umahon kami ni Shiloh habang naglalakad na patungo roon. I was still so drunk from the kisses that I wanted to pull him upstairs so we could continue, but it seemed like he was kind of concerned for Sadie.

It’s just Sadie? What’s the fuss? Oh well… damn it. She likes him? Imagine it, Brent. Para mong inahas ang sarili mong kaibigan. Nireto-reto mo pa ’yan sa isa’t isa noon, tapos ngayon, makikita niya na hinahalikan mo ang gusto niya! Oh boy. That seems like heartache, betrayal, and the realization that your friend likes men? The latter isn’t really a big deal to me. So what, right?

I stood next to Shiloh while the girls were still laughing.

“Let’s go upstairs and tell them we’ll sleep early?” bulong ko.

Namula siya at nilingon ako. I smiled. Of course, he knows that we won’t be sleeping early.

“I still want my lips on yours. Please…” I whispered more.

He slowly nodded as he pointed at Sadie.

“Usap muna kayo.”

“It’s just Sadie. No big deal. She won’t run her mouth in public if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Chapter 36

Never

I haven’t talked to Sadie about what she saw that night since the game was already approaching, and that night, the boys invited me to drink with them again.

Sumapit din naman ang hinihintay naming araw. The first line-up of the game was, of course, Manila vs. Cebu. And then those who win would be facing the other teams, leading to the finals. Both have zero loss. Hah! Tingnan natin ngayon kung gaano kagagaling ang mga hayop na ’yon at ang yabang noong Captain.

Tumayo ako at tiningnan ang iilan na nagsusuot na rin ng kanya kanya nila jersey. I put the black compression leg sleeve on my left and wore my Nike shoes for the game. Pinatunog ko ito sa sahig at tumalon talon para tingnan kung makakagalaw ba ako nang maayos.

Ramdam ko kung gaano ka kondisyon ang katawan ko. I clicked my neck and shook my hands while doing a little jump.

“Tingnan mo si Rick.” Tapik ni Mavric sa balikat ko at nginuso si Rick na tahimik na nakaupo sa bench, nakakuyom ang mga kamay at nakasandal ang ulo sa pader.

He looked so lost and angry. It’s been a hot topic with us about the video. It triggered his trauma. And now I know where he would direct his displacement later.

I wanted a fair game for the team. Settled it like a professional basketball player should be acting on the court with only 25% physical and 75% mental. But then, as soon as Cebu went out with their full team and the coach, I forgot the 75% mental as it contributed to all of my physical.

At sa reaksyon ng mga kaibigan ko, kung wala kami sa court, siguro pinagsusugod na at isa-isang inambahan ng suntok ang mga nasa video habang bugbog sarado sa amin ang Captain na mismong nanakit at nambastos kay Shiloh.

Nagkatinginan kami ng captain. I guess he was considered the star player of the group because he’s in the first five minutes of the first quarter.

Our first five include me, Mavric, Angelo, Liam, and Tyler. It was what the coach had planned, and seeing their first five, just like how he probably calculated their movement, Coach Josson nodded to us and clapped to let us know to do our best.

Maingay ang arena. The referee was already in the center holding the ball while we flocked around him as he murmured some rules as we waited for him to blow the whistle for the start of the game.

Noong pumito ito, and as the center of our team, I made a high jump, including the others, until I slammed the ball on the ground on our side. Mabilis ang paghabol ni Liam sa bola at din-ribble iyon. I ran to the other corner as Liam passed the ball to Tyler since he was being chased by two of the opponents.

The captain was glancing at me. Ako ang binantayan niya at mukhang sa dalawa pang bantay kay Mavric, nabasa ko agad na nanood sila sa mga laro ko.

Mavric is quite good at rebounding. I was so good at passing the ball every time I was cornered that being guarded wasn’t really a problem for me as long as my team could keep up with the way I passed the ball. At sa lahat ng player, si Mavric ang madalas na napapantayan ang liksi ng pasa ko.

“Sana sinali niyo si Shiloh sa game?” He started talking to me while his back was facing me and I was trying to get to the other corner.

There was always a rule in the game that offensive words that might push someone’s temper weren’t allowed. Kaso mukhang alam na alam nila kung paano paiinitan ang larong ito.

“Kung sasali siya, hindi ba’t nakakainsulto iyon sa inyo kung matatalo namin ang team niyo? Imagine it?” Bahagya kong idinaan sa tawa kahit nanginginig na ako sa galit.

Mavric got the ball from their team and ran to the ring.

“Here comes Evander, stealing the ball like a flash!” patuloy ng commentator na umalingawngaw ang tinig sa arena.

But then, Tyler got a screen, so he glanced at me and noticed that I was guarded by the captain itself kaya pinasa niya kay Tyler ang bola. Tyler dribbled it as he was chased by two of the opponents again as I ran from the other side to distract the captain.

Tang inang ’to! Lumayo layo siya at baka sisikuhin ko ’yang pangit niyang mukha!

Now, it was Tyler who was targeted by the captain. Sa ngisi ni Tyler at tinanguan ito, at sa paraan ng pakikipag-usap niya, kung paano napawi ang ngiti ng captain at galit na tumingin kay Tyler na nangingiting ipinasa ang bola sa akin, I knew he was now starting his own way to piss them off.

As soon as I got the ball, I ran to the ring, where three more were already there, bracing for my shot.

“Mukhang kalmado ang laro nitong si Jarsdel. This team seems to be taking the Cebu so lightly!” muling sabi ng commentator.

Sinubukan akong pigilan ng isa sa kanila kaya mabilis akong tumalikod at patalong inihagis ang bola papasok sa ring. I made a 360-degree dunk on the ring that created a loud noise.

“And look at that! Jarsdel making a sudden turn! A 360-degree dunk making the rim shake!” the commentator shouted.

The player who was behind me and tried to stop it fell on his back. And the way the referee gestured a score, I knew I didn’t commit any foul out of it.

Nakangisi akong tumakbo at hinawakan ang bawat dulo ng aking jersey para ipagyabang iyon sa mismong captain. Tyler and Mavric went to me as we gave each other high fives. Nagtayuan pa sila Rick na nakaupo sa bench at maangas na nagsigawan.

“Delikado itong si Jarsdel! Kalmado maglaro pero nanggugulat! Who would expect the sudden dunk he made?” the commentator said amusingly.

Nagsigawan ang mga girls sa bleachers at may ibang itinaas ang mga banner nila na may mukha ko suot ang aking jersey uniform na may hawak na bola kaya tumapat doon ang camera at lumabas sila sa screen.

“The fans of Jarsdel are going wild! He’s doing it again. First quarter pa lang, pero nagpapakitang gilas agad sa Cebu,” ang commentator.

The camera went to our school until it showed Shiloh, who was smiling a little and looking at the court. Mas lalo tuloy akong naging ganado. Humalakhak ako at nag-apir kay Mavric.

The tension could already be felt in the first quarter. I am always heavily guarded by the captain himself. At sa tuwing siya naman ang nakakakuha ng bola, ako madalas ang humaharang habang nagsisigawan kaming mga player para magbigay ng suporta sa kung sinong may hawak sa bola.

Based on the captain’s skills, he’s really a good player. But his offense wasn’t that hard to outsmart as I was screening him. Well, he looked so serious reading my movement just to get away from me that he was too open at the front and didn’t realize how Mavric ran like a flash to his side, got the ball from his dribble, and ran to the ring.

“Here comes the flash again—Evander making a score! What a nice play coming from Evander!”

Nagsigawan agad ang lahat. Ang aming team ay nagpapakitaan pa ng mga muscles at nagsisigawan nang magkapuntos kaming muli.

“Mukhang agresibo ang Manila at ayaw bigyan ng panahong huminga ang Cebu,” the commentator commented.

“Hindi pa tapos ang first quarter pero nakaka sampong puntos na agad! This team trained for this day! Mukhang sinasampal agad sa Cebu ang pagiging dayo!”

Namaywang ang captain at galit ang tingin sa amin. I laughed and raised my hands while running backwards.

“Easy… First quarter pa lang,” I reminded.

“Nagsisimula na ba kayong maglaro, dude? Gumalaw naman kayo!” si Tyler na natatawang sinabi iyon.

I gave some high fives to my team while we were all content with our first performance. Pumalakpak si Coach at seryosong tumango tango habang ang kabilang coach ay napapailing at palakad lakad, hindi na maganda ang timpla ng mukha.

We were given a break for a while. Nagsitayo kami sa paligid ni coach ganoon din ang kabilang team at mukhang sinasabon pa yata.

“Brent, mukhang ikaw ang target nilang bantayan kaya sundin mo lang ang plano. At Mavric, manatili ka lagi sa pwesto mo. Tyler… ’yang bibig mo…” Itinuro ni coach ang bibig ni Tyler.

Tumikhim kami. Kung hindi lang pumito para sa susunod ulit na laro, masasabon pa yata si Tyler ni coach.

Nailing ako at napangisi na lamang doon. I know what he was trying to do! This asshole! S’yempre, kaninong specialty ba ang magpainit ng ulo? It’s always him. If the opponent got pissed, they might go physical, which automatically serves as a foul. Mukhang iyon pa yata ang naglalaro sa isip ni Tyler.

“Cool it down, Tyler. Baka mabungi ka.” Tapik ko sa balikat niya ngunit humalakhak siya.

“Nagtakip ako ng ilong, Brent. Tinanong ko lang naman kung naligo siya, anong masama doon?”

Gago? Humagalpak ako at parang kahit ako yata, kung ginawa niya iyon sa akin, baka hindi ko siya tatantanan buong laro.

When the game started again, the other team seemed to have made another strategy, as the captain was already leaving me open.

Nag-agawan ulit kami ng bola. Nakuha iyon ni Liam, dinribble patungo sa aming ring, ngunit naagaw ng kabila kaya nagsitakbuhan kami. He stopped and attempted a three-point shot, so I made a jump and slammed the ball so hard to block it that it only touch the side of the rim. Tyler immediately dribbled it back to our court while he was chased again.

At noong sinabi niyang talagang inaasar niya, I caught him pinching his nose when the other team raised his hand for a defense.

He was doing it how many times while we were leading. Halos natatambakan na namin sila dahil sumisemplang na ang laro.

Pumito ang referee at pinito si Liam for a committed offensive foul. Tinapik ni coach ang balikat ni Rick at sinenyasang pumasok sa court habang nakipag-apir kami kay Liam, iniilingan ito na ayos lang.

But then, Rick seems aggressive about the foul that he glared at Liam. Nagkatinginan kami ni Mav. His temper was really the worst when he was carrying his own baggage. But I know he would be more careful not to commit any fouls because he doesn’t want to give the other team a chance to score on the free throw at least.

Tyler laughed as soon as Rick clicked his neck, as if he were trying to get ready for some war. The ball goes to the other team for a free throw. They’re good shooters, and they made a score.

Noong magsimula ulit ang game, ramdam ko agad ang tensyon sa paraan ng paggalaw ni Rick.

“Here comes Vallejo holding the ball! Mabangis agad ang pasok—stealing the ball from Cornelio! Oh that body control he made is outstanding!” the commentator was narrating it in an aggressive way because of how Rick immediately grabbed the ball from the other team.

“Mukhang ibang bangis ang nabaon nitong si Vallejo!” the other commentator.

Tumakbo kami nila Mavric at Tyler sa para depensahan ang ibang humahabol, stopping for his attempt to score.

Dalawa agad ang naroon para pumigil sa kanya. Tumalon ang isa at nag-ambang depensahan ang opensa ni Rick. But it seems like Rick was so determined that the vigorous practice showed how we made as he jumped higher, used his left hand, and pushed the defense and player’s head as he made a dunk into the rim!

“And look at that! A monstrous dunk from Vallejo!” sigaw ng commentator na ikinatili ng mga manonood.

The defense player fell to the ground on his back, while Rick’s feet fell back on the ground as well, standing in between the player’s head as he looked down and showed his smug expression.

“Nasagad pa yata ni Vallejo ang pasensya ni Cornelio. Halos madaganan siya ng paa ni Vallejo kanina noong matumba siya!”

Marahas siyang itinulak paalis ng player sa kinatatayuan ni Rick. Nag-amba pa itong sumugod ngunit pinigilan ng isa nilang team habang umaatras na itinaas ni Rick ang mga kamay sa mayabang na paraan.

I laughed and tapped his shoulder. Nagbungguan kami ng balikat at nagtanguan ganoon din sila Mavric at ang iba pa naming player.

“That’s what you called a nice entrance! Cornelio got disrespected by Vallejo on the first quarter. Can you believe that?!” ang commentator na nagpaingay lalo ng mga manonood.

Our coach clapped while nodding at us. The other opponent’s coach looked so stressed, pacing back and forth. Zero loss, huh?

When the referee signaled for a break in the second quarter, mabilis ang lapit namin kay Coach na pumaskil ang pagkamangha sa ekspresyon.

He continued explaining the next plans we have. Pinagpahinga ako ni coach at si Connor ang pinapasok sa sumunod na game. Sa kabilang team, pinalitan din ang captain na halos iritang umupo sa bench.

Nahanap niya ang mga mata ko at galit na titig ang isinukli. I only gave him a playful smile. Akala ko ba mag-aangasan kami? Kung laro ko ang kinabisado niya, pwes hindi pa rin siya makakalusot sa iba pa.

Hawak ang mineral water habang nakaupo ako sa bench, pinanood ko ang pagpito muli ng referee para sa pagsisimula ulit ng game, naging intense agad ang salitan ng bola.

“At nakuha agad ni Evander ang bola! Cornelio and Suarez chasing after him! Suarez trying to stop—and the flash gone feral!”

Evander made a high jump, then made an aggressive dunk, and his legs were almost put on the player’s shoulder as he immediately fell to the floor.

“Evander getting into a beast mode! A beast mode! He slam dunked over Suarez!”

Napatayo kaming mga nakaupo at nagsigawan. Tumalsik pa ang tubig sa iniinom kong mineral water sa aking jersey ngunit nagtatalunan kami at manghang mangha habang nakaakbay sa isa’t isa dahil sa ginawa ni Mavric!

“The flash turned into a bird! And turned into a beast! Evander! What a transition you’ve made!” ang commentator na parang sumigaw na rin yata sa mikropono kasabay ng hiyawan din ng mga manonood.

Napatayo agad iyong Suarez at itinulak si Mavric na kamuntik niya pang daganan sa mukha nang lumapat ang paa sa court. His face looked fully red that you knew he got not just offended but disrespected as a basketball player.

Mavric just laughed while walking out, as if nothing happened while he was being congratulated by our other players.

“This team is giving Cebu an unforgettable nightmare!” ang commentator.

“The menace of this team! Grabe! Evander just slapped the other team in a professional way as a basketball player! He got dunk over his face!” ang isa pang commentator na natatawa iyong sinabi.

Pinakita ang replay sa screen at doon kitang kita ang mukha noong player na halos masira at napapikit habang sumobsob sa gitna ng hita ni Mavric dahil sa bwelo nitong pagtalon.

“Mukhang dunk contest yata ito! They dunk not just once, but already thrice! The Manila team is disrespecting the Cebu in the court professionally! Ramdam mo ang galit kay Coach Alfredo dahil mukhang kinakawawa ang team niya.”

“Meanwhile Coach Josson seems so calm. Kahit siya hindi makapaniwalang parang mga hayop na nakawala ang alaga niya! He looked so stunned by their movements!”

“Kalmado si Coach Josson habang si Coach Alfredo ay mukhang mananapak na ang galit sa mukha! Imagine the travel they made to play here for the finals. Pero mukhang hindi yata papayag ang Manila.”

Nabigyan ulit ng break. Lamang agad kami sa second quarter at tinambakan na ang kabila. Nakakailang puntos pa lamang sila galing sa free throw habang kami ay lagpas bente na ngayong quarter. Whews. Zero loss? Talaga ba?

On the third quarter, si Ronan na ang ipinalit kay Angelo. Now it was Mavric, Rick, Tyler, Ronan, and Connor.

Swabe ang galaw ni Ronan, ngunit sa liksi ng kilos ng mga mata, alam mong may binabantayan lang. He was glancing at the captain from time to time, and it looked like he was aiming to crush his ego too.

Practice pa lang, isa na sa usapan naming anim na hindi namin sisikuhin, ngunit gagamitin namin ang laro para siya mismo ang mawala sa kompustura niya at mapauwing umiiyak pabalik sa Cebu. S’yempre yupi rin ang mukha niya pagkatapos ng game!

“Umaatake na naman si flash. Evander passing the ball to the newly entered Veniel. Bautista trying to screen him—Veniel throwing the ball—A three-point shot coming straight from Veniel effortlessly!” the commentator shouted. We stood again and screamed hysterically.

“That was smooth! Para lang napadaan sa liga itong si Veniel at inutusang ibalik ang gumulong na bola! Instead, he shot it on the ring where he was standing!”

“Mabangis ang team na ’to. Mukhang may planong tambakan ang Cebu! Gusto yatang pauwiing luhaan!”

Nagyayakapan na kami ni Tyler at nagtatalunan habang humagalpak at gulat na gulat. Ronan made a smooth dance when the song boomed while rolling his hands and stepping backward as he nodded at the captain, teasing it.

“Gago! Kung ako niyan iiyak ako! Nasa harap mo pero naka tatlong puntos!” hiyaw ni Tyler at mas tumawa kami.

Their coach took his cap out of his head and slammed it on the floor. Ang kalahating panot niyang buhok ay pinasadahan niya ng haplos habang galit na galit ang tingin sa kanyang team at sumisigaw na.

“Wala na! Nalalagas na ang buhok noong coach, oh!” Tyler pointed out, and we all laughed hysterically.

“Dude gago!” Batok sa kanya ni Liam ngunit tawang tawa lalo na’t kami lamang ang nagkakarinigan dahil sa ingay sa Arena.

The game resumed again, so we tried to settle down while we were still laughing about the anger of their coach.

“Coach Josson! Nagshade ka dapat! Para mas chill kang tingnan!” si Tyler.

Nilingon kami ni Coach sa bangko ngunit dahil kita niyang wala nang pag-asang makahabol ang kabila, nailing at natawa sa amin.

“Kung biniro mo ’yan habang natatambakan tayo, baka kahit sa susunod na laro bangko ka,” natatawang bulong ni Nick.

When the commentator announced that Connor had scored, we stood and flexed our muscles while nodding, acting like strong warriors descended straight from heaven to defeat all the demons on earth.

Twenty-nine points in the third quarter were all thanks to Ronan and Connor. On the fourth quarter, saka ako muling pinapasok ni coach to sub Connor. Ako, si Rick, Mavric, Ronan, at Tyler ngayon ang naglaro.

We gave each other some high fives. All twenties na ’yung nauna naming tatlong quarter. Twenty-nine was the highest. They can’t keep up anymore. But of course, we are not yet done crushing their egos. Mukhang tinandaan nila ang bawat mukha na nasa video and those were the players we dunked on.

When the game started again, the crowd was so loud, cheering for us. Nagmamaktol na ang kabilang coach at mukhang amoy na ang pagkakatalo dahil natatambakan sila sa bawat quarter, at sa galit ng titig ng mga player sa amin, alam kong masyado silang naagrabyado sa korte para tumingin sa amin nang ganoon.

In the first twenty seconds, I immediately made a three-point shot. On the twelveth second, it was Ronan who smoothly made another three-point shot. And for five seconds, I scored another one.

“Veniel and Jarsdel are competing against each other! Mukhang nakakalimutan na yata ng team na ’to na ang Cebu ang kalaban nila!”

“Mukhang mahaba-habang training ang gagawin ng Cebu after this game. Manila devoured them in all quarters! At isang minuto pa lang sa fourth quarter, nagpapaangasan na agad ang Manila!”

“Coach Alfredo looked so offended. Kanina pa sumisigaw at parang magwawala na yata. Mukhang mahaba-habang sabon ang gagawin sa players.”

“And Coach Josson getting a massage from Cervando and the rest of the team fanning him while sitting on the bench! Napaka chill! He knew the Cebu couldn’t keep up! And look at that, another two-point shot from Jarsdel!”

I stuck my tongue out while fanning my jersey against my abs. Lumabas ako sa screen kaya todo hiyawan ang manonood. Tumapat din ang camera sa team namin sa bench na maangas pang nagsayawan at pinagmamayabang ang jersey na suot habang si Tyler, patuloy ang pagmamasahe kay coach na umiinom ng tubig.

We were so playful that the other team was shouting in full disappointment. Hindi lamang iyon, ramdam na ang angasan.

When the game resumed and Mavric immediately dribbled the ball, instead of getting screened, he received a personal foul by the defense player, who grabbed his jersey.

Pumito agad ang referee at sumenyas ng foul. Mavric looked at the player with mockery.

“Bakit nanghahawak? Tipo mo ako?” he joked and laughed.

Sa iritasyon ng player, nag-aamba pang lapitan si Mavric habang tumawa si Mav at itinuro ito habang tumingin sa kanilang team.

“Tipo siguro ako ng kagrupo niyo! Nice taste, anyways…” he mocked, and we only laughed about it while the other team looked so offended, lalong lalo na ang captain.

We resumed the game again. This time, I was playing seriously. Doble na ang bilis ko kumpara sa naunang quarter. I would always be screened by the captain. Tinanguan ko siya at nginisihan.

“Zero loss to zero shoot? Nice,” saka ko iyon ipinasa agad kay Ronan.

Itinakbo ni Ronan ang bola, ngunit nakuha ng kabilang team at itinakbo agad sa kabila. Sumugod kami ni Mavric. Pinasa nila sa captain ang bola. And as he ran and attempted a dunk, Mavric jumped behind him and blocked the ball by slamming his hand and giving it to my side.

“A powerful block from Evander! And here comes Jarsdel again, on the loose! Running on the other side! Being chased by Celera and Hernandez, Bautista inserting himself again for a block! Jarsdel passing the ball to Cervando. Cervando passing the ball to Veniel—shooting it on the rim—Bautista blocking it again! Cervando jumping again! Palaban si Bautista at nadepensahan ulit! And here comes Evander joining the rebounding! Bautista getting the ball again! Straight for five seconds, Bautista trying to block! And here comes Jarsdel catching the ball—and bang!”

He was open at the back so I got the momentum to jump as high as I could and used my other hand to reach for the ram as my other hand caught the ball and slammed it in. Sa lakas ng bwelo ko, the captain was tossed harshly out of the court and lost his balance.

Ang maangas na intro ng isang kanta na parang maririnig sa wrestling ni John Cena ay sumabog kasabay ng malakas na tili ang pinakawalan ng crowd. My teammates hugged my chest while I looked at the captain with a smug expression as the commentator screamed loudly.

Ronan and Tyler jokingly raised each of my hands as if I had won a boxing match against the captain and knocked him out. Tumingin kami sa banda nila Shiloh na nakatayo na ang mga naroon at nalalaglag ang panga habang nagtatalunan ang mga kaibigan naming girls.

“Jarsdel just killed Bautista! Nagtayuan lahat at nagkakagulo at mukhang maraming witness si Bautista kung paano siya nilibing ng buhay ni Jarsdel! He did not just overpower Bautista, but he slammed him while making a dunk!”

“Brent Matthew Jarsdel just sent someone in the afterlife! He killed Bautista! Grabeng tira ’yon! Sa sobrang lakas, pati si Bautista tumalsik at parang sa langit agad nakarating!”

“Bautista was not just tortured, but murdered! They are not going easy on him! They are aiming to kill him! And Jarsdel just buried him alive in the court!”

“What a powerful dunk after eight seconds of rebounding! Jarsdel put him in his place! Bautista’s blocks were blocked by another powerful dunk of Jarsdel!”

“The beast of the beast! He devoured him! Kahit ang buto mukhang hindi pinalampas ni Jarsdel at nilamon si Bautista nang buo!”

“Pinagtulungan si Bautista! And Jarsdel didn’t hesitate to bring him down! Literal na bumaba si Bautista!”

Sa sobrang lakas ng hiyawan at nagkakagulo pa sila Mavric na pinagyayakap din agad ako habang sumasayaw at gumugulong na ang team naming nasa bench, ang kalaban ay halos manlumo nang tingnan kami.

“Brent tumira, napatay si Bautista!” halakhak ni Mavric na ginatungan pa talaga.

“Hindi mo man lang binigyan ng tsansang huminga! Ganyan nga!” si Tyler na pinisil pisil pa ang balikat ko.

Nakipag-apir ako sa iilan at napangisi kahit humahalo ang galit sa akin ganoon din ang yabang. Galit dahil hindi iyon sapat, at yabang dahil gusto kong ipakita sa kanya ang bagong grupong pinasukan ni Shiloh.

We were so hyper while the other team was the opposite.

“Tayo, Ritz!” One of his teammates tried to help him stand because their captain lay on the floor while covering his eyes.

Pinatayo siya ng mga teammates niya na siniko niya pa ang ilan, dinampot ang bola at maangas na itinapon sa akin. His teammates immediately stopped him while I looked at him with pure smugness on my face.

Nag-amba siyang sumugod at humiyaw.

“Gago ka!” he shouted aggressively while his teammate stopped him from coming to me while the referee stood between us.

“Parang bangkay na nabuhay si Bautista, Brent!” sigaw ni Tyler at nanunuyang humalakhak.

I only laughed, but at the same time, seeing how the perpetrator of Shiloh was unable to even defeat us just showed that he would never touch him again. At sisiguraduhin kong kahit ang pagsusuot niya ng jersey ay ikakahiya niya dahil magmamarka sa isip niya ang ginawa namin sa kanya sa court habangbuhay.

Chapter 37

Letter

Sa galit pa lang noong Bautista, which was the fucking Captain, alam kong sabog na sabog na siya.

The referee was now talking to him, including his other teammates, trying to calm him down. Tumatawa lamang kaming umalis doon lalo na’t kahit pa gumapang sila at isa-isang maka three-point shot, sa layo ng tambak ng score, kahit man lang higitan ang dalawang quarter ay imposible na.

I was already chilling on the next few minutes as Connor was substituted by Tyler again when he got a foul for traveling. So clumsy! Sinasadya nalang yatang laruin ang game at hindi na siniseryoso ang kalaban. And it even added to their anger at us that we’re taking them like a joke.

It cuts not just into their egos but into their whole career as basketball players for having zero losses. Naiiling na ang coach nila at parang sumuko na lamang, halos tulala na minsan na nanonood sa game, at napapabuntonghininga.

“The Green Archers won! Talagang hindi inaasahan ’to! Sinong mag-aakala na mananalo sila? Naka limang dunk, naka limang three-point shot, no one really saw their win coming! This is so unexpected!” the commentator announced in his sarcastic voice as soon as the last seconds finished by our team making another score.

Bumaba ang mga girls na kaibigan namin at nagtatalong lumapit sa iba pa naming teammates na sila Angelo at doon sila nagkakagulo. Sinundan ko ng tingin si Shiloh na naging mabagal pa ang paglapit.

Ngayon ko lang napagtanto ang ayos niya. He was wearing a white neck cap backwards and a simple white t-shirt that made him boyishly handsome. Lumawak ang ngisi ko at nagmamadaling lumapit sa kanya lalo na’t nagpigil pa yatang tumakbo palapit sa akin. I took the steps and met him halfway, pulled his waist, and hugged him tightly.

Medyo nagulat siya sa yakap ko. Ngunit nang dumalo rin ang mga boys at nakiyakap habang naghihiyawan ay natawa siya.

“Shiloh! Shiloh! Shiloh! Shiloh!” The boys screamed and even carried him.

Sumigaw si Shiloh at natatawang umilag ngunit umangat pa rin siya habang nawawala ang mga mata kakasigaw.

“Tama na!” he screamed and laughed.

“Tama na!” Ako ang natatawang pumigil hanggang ibaba nila ito.

“Ang mga bakla,” we heard a tease from the other team.

Shiloh’s smile faded. Umangat ang aking kilay at sabay sabay ang lingon namin sa player na kanina pa namin gustong gustong durugin sa pisikal na paraan.

“Oo nga. Mga bakla kami dito, dude. Bakit? Gusto mong sumali? Naiinggit ka ba?” si Tyler na sinabayan ang biro at natatawang tinanguan si Bautista.

“Anong masasabi mo kung sakaling ang nakatalo sa’yo sa court ay mga bakla?” si Ronan na nakakalokong itinagilid ang ulo.

“Bro, that hurts. Don’t tease him. This is his second life. Let’s be nice to him at least.” I mocked and laughed as well.

“Ay oo nga? Siya ba ’yon? ’Yung captain? Hindi ko agad nakilala! Galingan mo sa susunod, bro! Para naman matandaan ka namin!” si Connor.

Tumawa kami habang si Shiloh ay nag-iiwas ng tingin sa kanya at hinaplos ang siko. His other hand reached for my jersey and pulled me a bit while shaking his head.

Bautista was smirking, but we could sense how his temper was snapping. Tinatawag siya ng team niya, mukhang ayaw nang iharap ang mga sarili sa amin, ngunit itong Bautista ay matigas ang mukha at nagawa pang silipin si Shiloh sa tabi ko.

I stood in front of Shiloh and looked at him warningly. Mavric stepped forward and covered Shiloh as well. Rick clicked his neck and nodded at Bautista while Tyler and Ron were already in their alert stances, ready to defend whatever this fucker has in his mind.

“Oh?” Humalakhak si Bautista nang makita ang ginawa namin. “Prinsesa! Hmm… hulaan ko ang ginawa ni Shiloh? Pinatikim ba kayo isa-isa?” He laughed mockingly.

I know that those words were enough to snap whatever we were trying to hold back to end this piece of shit earlier. Ngunit sa sinabi niya, tila isang malakas na hampas sa banga kung saan nakakulong ang katiting na pagtitimping nirereserba namin para lang hindi siya balian.

“Shiloh. Alin diyan ang boyfriend mo? O baka naman lahat sila? Ah… Oo nga pala. Kahit kaming sampo kasya nga siguro sa’yo—”

Like a sudden bird who flew from somewhere, Rick’s punch landed on his mouth, and Bautista lost his balance and laid on the floor of the court.

“Bro, enough!” si Tyler na hinila ni Rick palayo ngunit nang tumayo agad si Bautista, siya naman ang humarap at bumwelo ng suntok sa panga.

Nang makita ng ilan niyang kasamahan ang ginawa ni Rick, agaran silang nagsisugod para umawat. Shiloh immediately panicked, so I grabbed his pulse while Tyler, Ronan, Mavric, and Connor joined Rick.

I saw Mavric punching Suarez, Connor pulling someone’s jersey named Cornelio and punched him on the face too. Nagkakagulo ang bawat panig ng team habang si Rick, Ronan at Tyler ay pinagtutulungan si Bautista.

“Oh mukhang hindi pa yata tapos ang game at may boxing match sa bawat team!” the commentator announced while everyone was shouting and pointing out the sudden trouble.

“Nakiawat na ang ibang staff. The police were now pulling the players to stop the brawl. Talagang unang game pa lang, nagkakaangasan na itong team,” ang commentator.

“Tama na…” si Shiloh na namilog ang mga mata at nag-amba roong lumapit para pumigil.

I grabbed his waist and stopped him. Nagsisitakbuhan na ang iilang staff na pigilan sila na kahit ang referee ay pumapagitna roon kahit nakikita kong nasisiko ng mga taga Cebu na desididong sumuntok.

“Pigilan mo!” si Shiloh na natatarantang magmakaawa sa akin.

“Bakit ko pipigilan kung tama lamang ’yan sa kanila?” seryoso kong sagot na ikinatigil niya.

“A-Anong…”

I clenched my jaw. “We’ve seen the video, Shiloh. Those were all your perpetrators, right?”

Namilog ang mga mata niya. Gumalaw ang aking panga at nilingon sila na mukhang naawat na. Rick was pulled away by a police officer, who helped stop the commotion. Sila Mavric na natatawa pa nang pinalibutan ng mga staff para lang pigilan ang paglapit, sila Ronan at Tyler na mismong mga player namin ang pumigil, at si Connor na huling hinila palayo kay Bautista.

“Tang ina ka! Bastusin mo pa nga nang harap-harapan! Yuyupiin namin ’yang mukha mo!” sigaw ni Rick na nanlalaban at gustong lumapit.

Coach Josson pushed his chest away from Bautista. Ang kabilang coach ng team ay natulala nalang at hindi na umawat habang pinisil ang sentido at mariing napapikit.

Bautista was pulled up. I’ve seen the cut on his nose and on his lips, and there was a scratch on his face too. And for sure, I know that most of those he got came from Tyler and Rick. Ang mga iilang kasamahan niya ay wala gaano ngunit mukhang napadugo ni Mavric iyong nguso noong Suarez na pinupunasan na ang dugo sa labi gamit ang kanyang jersey.

“We’re not yet done with you, dude!” Tyler laughed at Bautista and showed his middle finger while the other staff grabbed his jersey uniform just to stop him from coming closer to Bautista.

Tumawa iyong Bautista kahit dumadaing sa sakit. He was now surrounded by the staff and the other police when they walked past us.

“Oh Shiloh? Bakit hindi mo sabihin ang tungkol sa Cebu! Minolestya mo ang buong team, hindi ba? Kaya ka nga na kick out! Bakla ka, hindi ba?!” he shouted, making Shiloh’s shoulder jump in each shout he made.

Sa galit ko, nahila ko ang jersey niya at mabilis siyang sinuntok sa mukha.

“Don’t fucking flip the story!” gigil na gigil ko siyang sinugod.

The staff and the other men stopped me. Ngunit sa galit ko, halos hirap silang maalis ang pagkakahila ko kay Bautista patungo sa akin hanggang natumba siyang muli sa sahig.

I crouched down and fired my punches aggressively. Ngumingiti siya ngunit sa bawat ubo ay sumasama na roon ang dugo na hinigit nila ako ng malakas na kahit si Bautista ay napatayo muli dahil hindi ko binitiwan ang jersey niya.

“Jarsdel!” hiyaw ni Coach at isa sa humila sa aking braso.

May isa nang humawak sa aking baywang, at may iilan nang pinipilit na bitiwan ko ang jersey nito. Bautista took it off as the other suggested until he escaped from my grip.

Maraming pumagitna at ayaw na akong palapitin habang tinuro ko siya.

“Tingnan natin ’yang angas mo sa korte!”

“Sige ba! Anong ipinagmamayabang mo, ’yung video?! Tingin mo natatakot ako kung marami kami doon! Maraming titistigo sa ginawa niya! Walang kakampi sa kanya dahil alam namin ang totoo!”

Gumalaw lalo ang aking panga. I tried to come near him again, but I was already blocked by the police.

“Imagine it, bro. You lose here in the court, and you will lose in another court too! Ano ’yan? Makukulong kana nga, maaalala mo pang natambakan ka?! Nakakahiya! Make sure you’d take a bath at least para may mabango naman sa pagkatao mo!” sigaw ni Tyler na pinipigilan pa rin sa kung nasaan siya.

Their team was taken away from us. Itinulak ako ni Coach at pinangliitan ng tingin.

“Jarsdel! Bakit mo kailangang dumihan ang reputasyon mo sa harap ng mga nagbabalak kunin ka! Hindi mo na dapat pinatulan!” he scolded.

“Coach binastos niya—”

“Sinong binastos?! Para kayong mga bata! Para lang sa konting pang-aasar, mapipikon kana—”

“Coach, our friend got disrespected and insulted in front of us,” si Mavric na sumingit at mukhang pinakawalan na.

“And also you, Maverick! Anong pinaglalaban niyo rito? Kitang kita na sinuntok niyo, at pinagtulungan! Kung lalabas sa imbestigasyon, maaapektuhan ang pangalan niyo rito! Baka ma banned pa kayo sa mga laro! Magagaling kayo pero sinayang niyo—”

“Coach, binastos ang kaibigan namin! Binastos! Pinagsalitaan ng masama! At ang mga gagong ’yon, hindi lamang unang beses na binastos siya sa salita! Dahil kahit pisikal coach! Tapos sasabihin mong hayaan namin! Manahimik kami?!” putol ni Rick.

“Pinagpalit niyo ang pangalan niyo para lang doon? Parang hindi kayo mga lalake ah? Normal na ang asaran sa laro, Vallejo! Edi sana hinayaan niyo ang kaibigan niyong lumutas doon kaysa palakihin niyo ang gulo!” si Coach.

“Normal, coach? Alin doon ang normal? He fired offensive words! At bakit namin ito hahayaan kung natrauma ang kaibigan namin dahil sa kanila?” Connor growled and stepped in as well.

“Importante pa ba ’yan? Panalo na kayo! Hindi na dapat kayo napikon sa kanya! Sa sobrang ganda ng laro niyo, malaking oportunidad ito sa team natin! Pero sinira niyo! Sana nanahimik nalang kayo at hinayaan—”

Umambang magpatuloy si Coach ngunit umiling si Ronan.

“Ganoon ba ang tingin mo sa sexual harassment, coach? Na hindi ka boboses kung ikakasira ng reputasyon mo pag tumindig ka sa biktima? Ah… dahil ba hindi mo kapamilya, coach?” si Ronan sa sarkastikong tinig.

Hindi nakapagsalita si Coach. I was pure rage as I tried to control my anger because I might punch him too if he continued talking nonsense.

“Nakakadismaya, coach. Kung kakampihan mo sila para rito, at sinisisi mo ang pagsuntok namin, mas gugustuhin kong maalis sa grupo mo makita mo lang na kinakahiya ko ang pagiging kunsintidor mo.” Rick pulled his green jersey out of his body and slammed it on the floor as he walked out. Tumingin si Coach sa akin.

“Vallejo!” Coach called aggressively.

Nang hindi ito lumingon lalo na’t tuloy tuloy ang lakad palayo, sa akin siya tumingin.

“Jarsdel,” he called, as if he didn’t mind my other team as long as he had me.

Umiling ako at ngumiti ng hilaw.

“If I needed to dirty my hand just to voice out that he’s the victim here, then I’d do it. At hindi na mahalaga sa akin kung ikakasira ko ito, coach.”

I’ve seen the disappointment in his face. Tumingin siya kay Mavric na itinaas ang mga kamay.

“I’m out, coach. I can’t play without my own team. Nor listen to a coach who only values the worth of someone’s name. Ibang usapan na kung kaibigan ko ang binastos.”

Si Ronan at Tyler na inaambahan pa lang tingnan ni Coach ay nagsilakad na rin. Connor only shook his head and patted Coach’s shoulder.

“Ano, Brent? Sa boxing naman tayo sumali? O pwede rin sa MMA? Parang nakakamotivate isipin si coach bilang opponent next time. Ginigigil ako,” si Tyler na inakbayan ako habang naglalakad kami palayo.

Dinampot ni Mavric ang kulay green na varsity ni Rick at isa isa kaming nagsilabas. Alam naming mapapatawag din naman talaga kami dahil sa kaguluhan, but if coach would only set it aside because he cares more to promote us as players, then I’m out.

Hindi naman basketball ang priority ko. And imagine my mother’s wrath if she found out that I prioritized that over making the point that Shiloh deserves an apology.

“Huwag niyo munang lapitan si Shiloh, Brent,” ani Sadie nang magtungo kami sa parking lot.

“Ayaw niyang magpapasok ng mga boys sa kotse. Gusto niyang mauna na kami umuwi. Ayos lang ba?” si Angela na lumabas din.

Nakita ko ang pag-iyak niya sa loob habang niyayakap ng mga babae na nagsisipunas din ng luha. Isinara ni Angela ang pinto at umiling sa akin, bigo.

Tumingin si Mavric, naninimbang ang tingin.

“Kahit ako?” tanong ko, nagbabakasakali, na baka kahit ako, makita niyang masasandalan.

Umiling si Sadie. “Ayaw niya, Brent. Kahit sino sa inyo.”

My shoulder loosened. Natahimik kaming boys. Nag-amba akong lumapit sa kotse at katukin iyon kaso humarang si Rick at umiling sa akin.

“Kakausapin ko lang, Rick,” seryoso kong sabi.

“Huwag muna nating pakialaman. Ayaw niya ni isa sa atin,” he repeated.

Binasa ko ang labi at umiling. I tried to come near it, but Rick pushed me hard.

“Brent, tang ina! Ayaw niya!”

“Bakit ayaw niya? Rick alam mong—”

“Brent,” si Mavric na hinila na ang braso ko. “Hayaan mo.”

Sumenyas si Connor sa mga girls na umalis na. Angela opened the door again. Nanatiling nakatayo sa harap ko si Rick, si Mavric na hinigpitan ang hawak sa akin, at sila Connor na tahimik na pinanood ang pagpasok nila sa kotse.

When the car moved, I pulled myself harshly away from them. Namaywang si Tyler at bumuntonghininga.

“Baka natrauma natin?” bulong ni Tyler.

Gumalaw ang panga ko. I remembered how I snapped earlier that I wanted to kill that fucker. And for sure, Shiloh has seen everything.

“Hindi. Parang dala na rin na isinigaw noong gagong captain na bakla siya. Baka doon siya natakot,” si Connor.

Nailing si Tyler. “Anong ikinakatakot ni Shiloh? Na tatalikuran natin siya dahil doon? Kahit pa sabihin niya sa aking may ka relasyon siyang lalake…tatanggapin ko agad siya.”

I looked at him for a while. Tumango si Ronan.

“Oo eh. Meron talaga. Pero ayoko namang manghimasok. May pantal ’yon sa leeg noong mga nakaraang araw. Nasa dibdib niya,” si Ronan na malalim din ang iniisip. “Hindi nga lang ako sigurado kung sa babae ba. Pero ano naman sa atin ’yon? Hindi niya dapat ikahiya. Kung napapasaya siya, tatanggapin natin ’yon.”

My anger has slowly boiled down since I remembered how I got carried away from the last time that I sucked his chest so deeply. He doesn’t like getting topless sometimes, so I’m kind of determined to give him one.

Yumuko ako at pinilit na magseryoso habang ipinagsasalubong ang aking kilay.

Connor nodded too. “Hindi alam ni Shiloh na kahit nililihim niya, kahit di pa natin alam, tanggap na agad natin. Basta tanggap ko siya… Siya lang,” si Connor na umangat ang kilay at tumingin sa akin.

At anong ibig sabihin niyan, Con?

“Nililihim niya kasi siguro kinakahiya,” si Rick na talagang ngayon pa nang-asar.

“Bakit? Pangit ba?” si Ronan na tiningnan si Rick.

“Ewan ko. Pero baka…” sabay tingin ni Rick sa akin.

Umismid ako. Gagong ’to.

“Malay mo ginayuma si Shiloh, Rick?” si Tyler na isa pang hayop.

I clenched my jaw while Mavric laughed and put his shoulder against mine.

“Parinig naman kung anong masasabi ng mommy mo, Brent? Overprotective pa naman ’yon si Tita kay Shiloh, ’di ba?” Ngisi ni Mavric na isa ring ginagatungan.

Siniko ko ang mukha niya nang tigil-tigilan niya ako sa pang-aasar niya dahil hindi ako natutuwa. Kung pwedeng ipagsigawan ko sa mga mukha nito na may relasyon kami gagawin ko agad ngayon nang tumahimik lang sila! But I might worsen Shiloh’s emotion right now, and I don’t want to fuel it more.

Kahit umiinit ang ulo ko sa kanila, hindi ko itatangging hindi rin ako kumalma sa pamamagitan noon. Nadatnan pa kami nila Nick sa parking lot dala ang aming mga duffel bag kaya nakuha rin namin ang mga gamit.

“Ipapatawag tayo ni Coach pag may desisyon na tungkol sa kaguluhan,” si Angelo.

Hindi na pinahaba ang usapin pa lalo na’t ramdam din namin na wala silang ideya at papanig lang kay coach. Abala ako sa phone ko habang si Mavric ang nagmamaneho at tahimik kaming lahat sa backseat.

Ako:

Are you okay?

Ako:

Let’s talk please

Ako:

I’m sorry. I got carried away.

Pumikit ako nang hindi siya nagreply. Isinandal ko ang ulo sa backrest ng upuan at binasa ang pang-ibabang labi.

Mavric played music on the stereo until it boomed. The familiar music boomed, and Mavric grunted. At sa kalampag, mukhang sinipa ni Rick ang likod.

“Ang korni ng kanta mo! Wala nga ang girls dito pero pumalit ka naman!” kantyaw ni Rick.

“Alin ang mas korni, Rick? Itong kanta o ang pagw-walk-out mo sabay hubad sa jersey?” singit ni Tyler na sumabog ang tawanan namin.

Tang-inang ’to! Dapat din talaga sa bibig nitong ni Tyler pinapasabog. I groaned when they started moving too aggressively. Dumilat ako at iritang itinulak si Rick na inaabot si Tyler at gustong i head lock.

“Gusto ko sanang tumawa that time pero seryoso pala. Hindi naman kailangang maghubad, Rick! Pasikat ka lang sa girls!” si Ronan na natatawa rin iyong sinita.

“Naguguluhan nga rin ako kay Rick. Hindi niya sinaling hubarin ang shorts niya eh jersey rin naman ’yon,” si Mavric na natatawang tumingin sa salamin.

This is the other side of when we do something in character for others. Sa huli, pag kami kami nalang, magiging laman pa iyong ng asaran at pagtatawanan namin.

“Iiyak na sana ako sa haba ng sinabi mo kasi ang inspirational kaso gago umurong ang luha ko noong naghubad! Ako ang nahiya na nagwalk-out siyang topless! Akala mo modelong rumarampa!” si Connor na humagalpak na rin sa front seat.

Sinipa ni Rick ang likod ng upuan niya habang natatawa na naming binalikan ang ginawa niya.

“Binastos si Shiloh tapos gusto niyong huminahon ako? At ikaw Brent?!” Marahas niya akong nilingon.

Umangat ang kilay ko. “Ano? Halos yupiin ko ang mukha noong Bautista. Ano?”

“Dapat daw naghubad ka rin Brent para follow the leader,” si Tyler kaya tumawa kaming muli.

Rick tossed his body to Tyler until he was now hovering over him. Inipit niya pa ang ulo sa braso niya at nagtutulakan silang dalawa.

“Gustong gusto ko talagang yupiin ang mukha noong Suarez. Siya pa naman iyong kumukuha ng video,” si Mavric na ramdam ko ang galit sa tinig.

“’Yung mukhang tunog kabayo kung bumungisngis! Siya rin ’yung humila sa pants ni Shiloh sa video ’di ba?” si Tyler.

“Oo. Gagong ’yon,” si Mav.

“Hinubaran siya sa video?” Nagkasalubong ang kilay ko.

Nagsilingunan silang lahat sa akin. “Hindi mo ba tinapos, Brent?” si Rick.

Umiling ako. Tumawa si Mavric ngunit nakakaloko.

“Pinipilit siyang hubaran doon, Brent. Nagtatawanan sila habang umiiyak si Shiloh at pinipigilan sila sa balak nila. Binibiro nilang tingnan dahil baka babae daw at nagpapanggap lang na lalake ang tindig.”

I groaned and shut my eyes. Fuck! And he didn’t file a case against this?!

“Binaboy at binastos sa video. Mga hayop talaga. Hindi yata mapapanatag ang loob ko kung hindi mapaparusahan ang mga ’yon,” si Rick.

“Kung ano ang desisyon ni Shiloh rito, respetuhin natin. Kahit ano namang galit natin sa mga hayop na ’yon, kung hindi siya magsasampa ng kaso, wala tayong magagawa,” biglang seryosong sabi ni Mavric.

Tiningnan ko ang phone ko at lalong nag-alala. Wala pa ring reply kaya nagtipa ako ulit ng mensahe.

Ako:

We’re always here for you, Shiloh. I’m always here for you.

The boys decided to come home with me, as if they were expecting Shiloh to come home too.

When the girls pointed out that he doesn’t want to talk to me for a while, or even with the boys, as soon as I came home and saw that the unit was empty, I could really feel that he was serious.

Maingay sa kuwarto ko habang topless ang lahat at kakatapos lamang maligo after the sticky game as we continued talking about it.

“Ang angas pa noong isa. Dumidribble na akala mo ang liksi liksi pero mukhang unggoy talaga sa paningin ko,” natatawang si Tyler na nagbubuklat ng matress sa sahig.

Maverick started copying the stance of the player named Suarez until it almost turned into the movement of a monkey as we barked a laugh. Ngunit sa tuwing naiisip ko si Shiloh, agad na mapapawi ang hagalpak ko at seseryoso.

We were so tired that the five immediately drifted to sleep like sardines in my room. Dalawa sa kama na si Mavric at Connor, at tatlo sa ibaba.

Tinawagan ko agad si Sadie na sumagot din naman.

“Brent?” tawag niya.

“Si Shiloh?”

Bumuntonghininga siya. “Bakit?”

Pumikit ako. Why are they so overprotective that they’re treating me like I would hurt him too?

“Pass the phone, please…” namamaos kong suyo.

“Ayaw niya Brent—”

“Do it, Sadie,” putol ko sa seryosong tinig.

“Ayaw niya nga! Huwag kang makulit!” Pinatay niya ang tawag na ikinalaglag ng panga ko.

I attempted to throw my phone, but when I remembered that he might contact me here, I forced myself to stop it.

I couldn’t even sleep a wink waiting for his reply. But then, maybe because I was too tired from the game, I drifted off to sleep on the bed too.

Nagising lang nang malaglag ako bigla sa kama. I groaned when my body was slammed against the ground. Ngunit mas kinuha ng pansin ang oras sa bedside table kaya nagmamadaling tumayo.

I checked his room, and it’s empty. I sighed and was planning to walk back to my room when I noticed a letter on the table.

Kumunot ang noo ko nang makitang may sulat na naroon. At sulat kamay na Brent, alam ko galing iyon sa kanya.

Kumalabog ang dibdib ko. I hurriedly took it from the table and went out. Ni hindi ko na kabalikan ang tsinelas sa kuwarto ko at nagmamadaling lumabas na baka maabutan ko siya agad.

I opened the letter and read it when I entered the elevator. The first sentence made my eyes widen, and I was now eager to find him wherever he is!

Mabilis ang pagtakbo ko palabas. I could feel the tiny rocks pinching my feet as I ran to the side of the highway. Shit, Shiloh! You are not doing this to me!

Mabilis ko siyang nakitang pumara ng taxi. I ran as fast as I could to close the gap between us. He opened the door of the taxi, almost slipping himself in, until I grabbed his waist and hugged him tightly.

“Fuck!” halos idaing ko iyon nang mapagtantong naabutan ko siya.

“Sir? Magpapahatid pa ba kayo sa airport?” ang taxi driver na halos ikaguho ko sa naging tanong.

Umiling ako at mas hinigpitan ang yakap.

“O-Opo kuya. S-sandali lang…” Halos itulak ako ni Shiloh at gustong kumawala.

“No. No. You are not leaving… No…” Iling ko at mas hinigpitan ang yakap sa kanya.

“B-Brent! Bitiwan mo nga ako! K-Kuya sandali lang talaga!” si Shiloh na nagmamakaawa sa driver.

“If you’re leaving, then fucking take me!” hiyaw ko sa agresibong tinig.

“Lumayo ka nga! Hindi mo ba nabasa ang sulat ko?” may garalgal sa tinig niya.

“I don’t care what’s written on the letter! Why are you breaking up with me? Tell me, please. Sabihin mo nang maitama ko agad at maayos natin—”

“Ano sir?! Papasok ka ba?!” ang taxi driver na agresibo nang nagtanong.

“S-Sorry po… Huwag nalang,” si Shiloh na mukhang nahiya na dahil ayaw ko siyang pakawalan.

“Tang inang mga bakla ’to. Nandamay pa,” rinig ko ang komento ng taxi driver ngunit hindi ko na pinagtuunan ng pansin.

“Brent!” sigaw ni Shiloh at itinulak na ako, mukhang napigti na ang pasensya.

“Nasa daan tayo oh! Pinagtitinginan na tayo! Bumitaw ka nga!” Ramdam ko ang galit niya na medyo natinag ako.

“Let’s go back to the unit and talk about this. Please…” halos haplusin ko ang siko niya.

Chapter 38

Warmth

Maybe afraid to get more attention, he silently walked back while pulling his luggage. I took it from his hand and pulled it while he was now wiping his tears.

Tahimik kaming naglakad pabalik sa unit. Nakita ko kung paano siya tumingin sa paa ko at tumigil sa paglalakad.

I stopped when he stopped. Pinapalis niya ang luha at gumagalaw ang balikat habang yumuyuko at hinila ang bagahe niya.

Pinabayaan ko siya sa ginawa niya hanggang binuksan iyon. Inilabas niya ang indoor slipper niya at dahan dahang inilapag sa paanan ko.

“Isuot mo,” marahan niyang bigkas sa gitna ng iyak at pinagpagan pa ang paa ko.

I nodded weakly and inserted my feet one by one. Isinara niya ang bagahe kaya muli ko iyong hinila.

Using the edge of his long sleeves, he wiped his tears. Tahimik kaming pumasok sa building, at kahit sa elevator ay kitang kita ang kapwa namumula naming mga mata.

I was already on his mercy as I tried to hold everything together just to stop my outburst, not until we went into our unit.

“Don’t leave me, please… Don’t break up with me…” Halos lumuhod ako at niyakap agad ang kanyang mga binti habang isinusobsob ang mukha sa tiyan niya.

“Brent nandiyan na ba si—” Tyler’s words were suddenly blocked as I heard the door creak open as he whispered a few curses.

Siguro dahil nakitang nakaluhod ako. But don’t care if they see me at my lowest. I don’t fucking care if they find out!

“Bumalik ka dito sa loob,” si Mavric.

“Gago? Ba’t nakaluhod?” boses iyon ni Ronan.

“Nagdadasal. Balik ka dito! Tsismoso!” si Rick iyon.

“So it wasn’t just Con who did the kneeling? What’s happening, dude?” si Tyler na litong lito.

I hugged his legs tightly. Gumalaw si Shiloh at nagpupumiglas habang hinihila ang braso ko patayo.

“Tumayo ka nga! Para namang timang!” he shouted in his strained voice while grabbing me forcefully.

Lumuwag ang kapit ko sa mga hita niya at tumayo. This time, I hugged him and buried my face against his neck.

“You are not leaving me… You are not breaking up with me. Please… no… I can’t…” bulong ko sa nababasag na tinig at walang pakialam kahit na ramdam kong basa na ang leeg niya.

“Brent… Nakita mo ba ang resulta? Sinasali ka nila dahil sa akin! Kayo! Nadadamay ang reputasyon niyo dahil sa akin!” There was a pain tingling in his shout while pushing me.

Umiling ako. “I told you, I don’t care about my reputation. Damn it, Shiloh! Listen please…”

The door creaked more. I wouldn’t even get shocked anymore if their heads were all peeping through the ajar door to spy on us and listen to our conversation.

“Pag hindi tayo naghiwalay, makakahanap sila ng proweba sa bintang nila! Na totoo ngang bakla ako dahil…may relasyon tayo! At madadamay pa kayo sa gulong ito! Masisira ang mga pangalan niyo! Tama ang coach niyo—”

“Don’t even listen to that asshole! He knows nothing! He only cares about the reputation, fame, and money! At hindi kawalan kung hihinto kami sa paglalaro, Shiloh! I have other goals aside from being a basketball player! I don’t care if I won’t be recruited anymore to play a game! I don’t care if I tainted my name after making a point that you deserve an apology and they deserve to be punished!”

His bloodshot eyes were now looming because of the tears forming as they slowly trickled down his cheek. Umiling ako at hinaplos ang pisngi niya ngunit itinulak niya ako palayo.

“Hindi ba kayo nandidiri sa akin? P-Pagkatapos ng nalaman niyo…” Nanginig ang balikat niya.

Umiling ako at inabot ang kamay niya. It was shaking. Ang isa niyang kamay ay ginamit niyang pangtakip sa mga mata niya habang umiyak siya.

“If you said that you didn’t do it, then that’s the truth. No one can change my mind,” I whispered weakly.

Gumalaw ang balikat niya sa pag-iyak. Umiling siya habang nanginginig.

“Walang naniniwala sa akin… noong s-sinabi ko na hindi ko ’yon ginawa sa kanila…kasi malambot daw ako at halatang bakla…at totoo d-daw na…iyon ang dahilan kaya pumasok ako sa varsity…” he admitted bravely while crying.

My tears fell for his hurtful confession. And to see him breaking down in front of me cuts deep.

“K-Kahit si Mama, Brent… Hindi niya ako pinaniwalaan… Ang sabi niya, kaya daw ’yon nangyari dahil hindi ako n-nakikinig sa kanya. K-Kahit ang iba kong mga kaibigan…m-mas kinampihan nila sila dahil marami sila, varsity, sikat sa school, at mga lalake, kaya n-naniwala na ako ang may mas motibo… Na naiintindihan daw nila bakit ko ’yon g-ginawa dahil natukso ako…”

Fuck! I sighed heavily, but my tears joined as they fell on the floor as well. Hindi ko na gustong saluin iyon lalo na’t kahit ako, lubog na lubog.

“K-Kaya hindi ko matanggap ang sarili ko kasi pakiramdam ko pag nagp-pakatotoo ako, na ganoon ako, ibig sabihin…totoo ang bintang nila, na bakla nga ako. Sinikap kong manatili sa linya. Sinikap kong huwag lumagpas. Sinikap kong… s-sinikap kong maging lalake dahil nandidiri ako sa sarili ko kahit alam ko naman na hindi totoo ang binibintang nila. Pero…kung lalabas ako, kung ipagsisigawan ko kung ano ako, ang una nilang maiisipan ay totoo nga ang bintang sa akin! Lalong lalo na ngayon na boyfriend kita!”

Bumaba ang balikat ko. I remembered what he told me—that he embraced himself because of me. I didn’t know he despises himself that much, to the point that…he’s disgusted by himself.

“Sinabi ko ang totoo…Ngunit napagod ako kakasigaw na hindi ko iyon ginawa dahil pinagtatawanan nila ako. W-Walang naniwala… Ni…Ni isa… Walang naniwala…” Halos habulin niya ang paghinga sa iyak niyang nakakaguho pakinggan sa sobrang sakit.

The door creaked from the back until Rick silently walked in and offered a handkerchief. Kinuha ko iyon saka siya umalis.

I appreciate that they let me handle this without interfering first.

“Naniniwala kami sa’yo,” sabi ko at pinalis ang luha niya gamit ang panyo.

“Ako…Sila Rick… Sila Sadie… Marami kami,” patuloy ko sa garalgal na tinig.

“P-Pag nalaman nila…na may relasyon tayo…iisipin nila na…totoong bakla nga ako at makukumpirma nila na…”

“No… That’s not the main issue here, Shiloh. They are using your own gender against you to clean their dirt and make it seem that it was you who has the motive! Sinadya nilang gamitan ’yan laban sa’yo dahil mas kapani-paniwala pag sinabi nilang minolestya sila ng bakla! But no! You are the one who’s been sexually harassed by those men in spite of being a man! In spite of not exposing your sexual orientation! So never feel guilty about yourself! You are the victim here! Sila dapat ang makaramdam niyan dahil sa ginawa nila sa’yo!”

Humikbi siyang lalo. Nagpapatakan na ang luha niya sa paanan niya.

“Malaya kang maging ikaw. At ipaglalaban namin iyon. Ipaglalaban ko iyon. We’ll show them that you aren’t the old Shiloh they know, hmm? That you are now protected, loved, and trusted. We believe in you. And we won’t let you face this alone. So don’t push us away. Don’t…push me away…”

Humingos siya kaya muli kong pinalis ang luha niya gamit ang panyo. His face was already fully wet because of his cries. Noong tiningnan niya ako, kita ko ang sakit at ang kagustuhan niyang tumakbo palayo, ngunit ramdam ko rin ang kagustuhan niyang manatili at yakapin ako.

“Hindi ko gusto na m-masira kayo…” he said and cried.

I smiled and shook my head. “The only thing that could break us is to see you break.”

The door creaked again until Tyler walked to the kitchen sink. Tumahimik ako saglit habang titig na titig kay Shiloh na ngayon ay umiiwas ng tingin at namumula na habang patuloy ang hikbi.

I glanced at Tyler. Kumuha siya ng baso at tumikhim habang binuksan ang ref at naglabas ng pitsel.

Tanging pagsasalin niya ng tubig ang pumaibabaw. Inilapag niya iyon sa mesa at dinala ang basong tubig sabay lapit sa amin saka iyon inilahad kay Shiloh.

Shiloh silently took it from his hand and sipped it. Namulsa si Tyler at bumaba ang tingin sa kamay kong hawak ang kamay ni Shiloh. There was something about his stare when he looked at me again, as if he was itching to pull my hand away or just cut it so I could no longer hold Shiloh.

Noong inilahad ni Shiloh ang baso sa kanya, ngumiti si Tyler at tahimik ding umalis.

“I can’t take your reason for breaking up with me. I can’t accept it. If it’s because of my image that you were trying to protect that you needed to let me go and to leave us, then let them taint my image, Shiloh. Because I’d rather turn my back on them than turn my back on you. I’d rather lose them than lose you. They’re not important to me…more than how I value us…”

Tahimik siyang tumingin sa malayo. Ramdam kong kumakalma na siya sa pag-iyak at tumitigil na rin.

“If you don’t want to fight for us, then let me fight for your right…”

Bumalik ang tingin niya sa akin.

“I’ll only ask one thing, Shiloh. Just…one thing…” I whispered weakly and leaned my forehead against his.

“Stay.” I shut my eyes. “If you are having a hard time choosing me…can you please… at least…stay? Not for me. But for the people who love you here…”

I could feel the pain banging against my chest. Hindi ko tanggap ngunit mauunawaan ko. Kung hindi ako magiging sapat para manatili siya, kahit ’yung iba nalang.

“Ayoko lang na madamay ka rito,” sinikap niyang magsalita, na tila ba ayaw niyang kawawain ko ang sarili ko.

“What do you want, hmm? Ayaw mo ba na alam nila? Nahihiya ka ba? Hindi ka pa handa? I could wait. This isn’t important right now. Just…just stay here with us. Don’t leave, please… Just break up with me. I’ll understand it…”

Namuo ulit ang luha sa mga mata niya.

“H-Hindi ako nahihiya sa atin. Hindi lang malinis ang pangalan ko kaya ayokong namamantsahan ka dahil…ganito ang reputasyon ko.”

God…

“We won’t break up? Is that okay? Are you at ease? If being in love with me felt like a burden to you, then don’t hold me for a while, Shiloh. Hindi ko pinapapasan sa’yo ang relasyong ito. Hindi ito responsibilidad na kailangan mong pasanin lagi. I am my own responsibility. I am your free choice. You can set me aside and prioritize other things. You can take your time. You can do everything you want, and I’ll stand there, watching you, rooting for you, cheering for you. I’ll be there. Hindi mo kailangang matakot na bitiwan ako dahil hindi ako mawawala. I’ll be there for you…”

Tumango siya ng sunod sunod at humihikbing niyakap ako. I sighed heavily, as if it were already enough to heal me.

He cried against my chest. This time, it was like he was regretting his drastic decision and had forgotten about me for a while.

“Sorry… Hindi k-ko pinag-isipan nang mabuti… Dito lang ako…” hikbi niya.

I nodded and kissed the side of his head.

“H-Hindi ako makikipagbreak. Nadala lang ako sa n-narinig ko sa coach mo kasi alam ko pangarap mong makuha ng magagaling na team at m-may potensyal ka… Ayoko lang na… ako ang rason…”

Umiling ako. “Ain’t that important enough to prioritize it over you,” bulong ko.

I understand his emotion. It’s his trauma from the past that’s coming to the surface. Pinangunahan siya ng takot.

I slowly wrapped my arm around his waist to hug him.

“M-Manghihinayang ’yung mga fans mo pag nalaman nila na—”

“I don’t need the validation of the other people. I only need you to accept me. That’s all. I don’t care about the rest…” I whispered more, hopeful that it would be enough to comfort him.

It was a long, emotional confrontation. When he slowly calmed down and I pulled him to the table so he could drink more water, the boys closed the door as I caught their heads peeping. Nagpupunas pa ng luha ang gagong si Tyler kahit alam ko, bukas na bukas, tampulan na kami ng tukso at ang isang ’yan ang magpapasimuno.

It’s just like when Connor would cry and we’d silently listen to him. Ngunit sa mga susunod na araw, gagamitin na iyong pang-asar na pagtatawanan nalang namin. And for sure, I’d be next.

But I don’t care. As long as Shiloh isn’t leaving. I don’t care.

“You rest… Let’s talk more tomorrow…” sabi ko lalo na’t pagod na pagod nang tingnan ang mga mata niya.

“Matulog na tayo sa kuwarto,” anyaya niya.

I was tired too. Not just from the game. Ngunit sa kabila ng pagod, naghahalo ang takot sa akin. He might slip. He might change his mind. He might…pursue his plan.

Umiling ako at itinuro ang sofa. “Dito muna ako. You sleep…” I urged.

Tahimik siyang tumango at naglakad papasok sa kuwarto. I sighed and sat on the sofa. Isinandal ko ang ulo sa headboard at bumuntonghininga. I almost…almost lost him. I cannot imagine if I didn’t wake up. Baka nakauwi na siya sa Cebu. And God knows he might go far from me… probably go where their strawberry farm is.

Hindi naman sa hindi ko siya susundan. But I cannot imagine him slipping away from me.

Hinilamos ko ang mukha, pinipigilang antukin. The door creaked open until I saw Shiloh with a blanket on his hands as he walked toward me.

Kumunot ang noo ko. Akala ko para iyon sa akin at medyo naawa, ngunit nang umupo siya sa kandungan ko at kinumutan ang sariling likod, huminahon ako.

I wrapped my arm around his waist. He yawned and rested his head against my shoulder. I kissed the side of his head while caressing his back.

I cannot lose him. I really can’t. Iba ang magiging buhay ko kung wala siya. And I don’t think I’d be that happy anymore.

“Ang galing mo kanina,” he whispered.

“You became a fan?” I smiled and tilted my head to see his face.

Tumango siya. “Kayong lahat nila Mavric, magaling kayo.”

I immediately frowned.

“Dami kong kaagaw sa’yo… And what’s with the special mention of Mavric’s name?”

He hugged my nape and yawned again. His eyes were already too sleepy.

“Sleep…” sabi ko lalo na’t kailangan niya ’yon.

“Ikaw rin… Pagod na pagod ka pa naman dahil sa game.”

“Ain’t that tired enough…”

Umangat ang kilay niya at bumangon. Nahulog ang kumot sa balikat niya kaya kinuha ko pa iyon para kumutan ulit at ibalot siya.

It seems like there was a plan running through his mind as he leans closer. I tilted my head to avoid it. Akala niya ha. Iisahan pa ako.

“I know what you’re planning. That won’t work. Sleep.” Saka ko siya pinilit na humiga ulit sa balikat ko.

“Huh?”

I leered at him. “Hahalikan mo ako at papagurin para makatulog ako. Para makaalis ka. Sleep, Shiloh.”

His eyes widened. “Ayoko na ngang umalis!”

“Oh, I’ll make sure. I won’t sleep. Talagang hindi ka makakaalis,” I said cockily.

Sinuntok niya ang dibdib ko. Galit ngunit natatawa. But he slowly rested his head back on my shoulder and yawned again.

He was already too sleepy. Sa tuwing sisilipin ko ang mukha niya, pipilitin niyang dumilat ngunit hinihila rin ng antok kaya matatawa ako. Binabantayan talaga ako. Tatakas siguro…

Maybe I was really that exhausted that I fell asleep too. Nagising lamang ako na wala nang mabigat sa kandungan ko kaya mabilis ang pagtayo ko, nagmamadaling tumakbo sa kuwarto. I cursed when I didn’t find him there.

I was about to run to the door when there were some noises coming from my room. The boys are still here?

Naglakad ako doon at binuksan. Nakita ko ang nakapangtulog na si Shiloh na nakikipaglaro ng Xbox sa mga boys.

They were all so loud while Shiloh was laughing as he played with Rick, and the rest of the boys were cheering for him.

Kumalma ako nang mapagtantong hindi umalis. Lumingon si Tyler at hinampas ang dibdib ni Ron sabay nguso sa akin.

Tyler and Ronan stood as they walked toward me.

“Bakit?” maangas na tanong ni Tyler.

I arched my brow. “Anong bakit? This is my room.”

Si Shiloh na natatawa ay lumingon sa akin.

“Continue playing the game!” si Rick na ganado pa.

Nangingiting sumulyap si Mavric sa akin. Connor looked at me with so much judgment. Ano ’to? Natulog lang ako tapos gigising na parang hindi na kasali sa circle?

Tumikhim si Tyler at hinarap si Ronan. Bigla siyang lumuhod at niyakap ito sa mga binti. I cursed and kicked him because I knew what he was trying to do.

“Baby, please! Don’t break up with me!” panggagaya ni Tyler sa ginawa ko kagabi kahit medyo natutumba sa sipa ko.

“Mukha kang timang! Tumayo ka nga! Nakakahiya ka!” panggagaya ni Ronan at nilambutan pa ang tinig sabay hila kay Tyler patayo.

Mavric and Connor laughed. Tumigil pa sa paglalaro si Rick at natatawa ring tumingin kay Tyler at Ron. I glared at them while Shiloh joined in the fun by laughing a bit. Ah… nakakatawa ’yon?

I rolled my eyes, but my lips were stretching for a smile.

“Brent! Hindi kita gusto! May iba akong gusto! Hindi ikaw! Ayoko sa’yo!” patuloy na tulak ni Ron sa balikat ni Tyler habang hindi nagbabago ang maliit na tinig.

I punched his arm. “Dagdagan mo pa. Walang ganyan!”

“Check the GC, Brent,” natatawang si Mavric.

Kumunot ang noo ko. I took my phone out of my pocket. Thank God it’s still on. Nasa ten percent na nga lang.

Pumunta ako sa messenger at nagview. Tyler and Ronan were still on their ongoing acts, which made the boys laugh more. Gagong Tyler ’to!

Pagkabukas sa messenger, ang agarang bumungad ay sari-saring stolen pictures habang tulog kami sa sofa ni Shiloh. Nakasandal ako sa headboard, si Shiloh na nakaunan sa balikat ko at kapwa kami tulog. But that wasn’t the main spotlight. Naroon silang lima sa picture. They were around us while they were shoving their dirty finger in my face.

“Tang ina niyo,” mura ko habang nagswipe sa ibang pictures dahil marami iyon.

This time, nasa tabi na namin silang lima na nakaupo sa sofa, nakahalukipkip at puro pa mga topless habang nakabaling ang ulo at galit ang titig sa akin.

The other pictures were now Ronan and Tyler copying us. Si Ronan ang nakakandong kay Tyler at ang kumot na ginamit ay ang table mantle pa.

“Ano nga ulit ang sabi mo kagabi, Brent? I’d rather lose them than lose you?” angat ng kilay ni Connor.

“Plastik ’to! Pinaplastik tayo!” si Tyler na tumayo na kakaasar sa akin.

I laughed and slipped my phone back into my pocket.

“Pag nabrokenhearted ka, kanino ka ba tatakbo? Hindi ba’t sa amin?” si Ronan.

Ngumuso ako at sinilip si Shiloh na abala sa controller.

Ngumuso ako at humalukipkip sa may pinto.

“Kaya pala nanggigigil ako lately sa nguso ni Brent. Parang ang sarap durugin. Siya pala ang tagong boyfriend ni Shiloh,” si Tyler na irita akong tiningnan.

“Durugin mo nga, Tyler! Huwag puro salita!” si Rick na talagang basagulero.

“He almost broke up with me last night. Magpasalamat kayo dahil hinabol ko siya. Nakauwi na sana ’yan ngayon,” ismid ko lalo na’t pinagtutulungan nila ako.

“Sinipa kita kagabi para magising ka. Ikaw ang magpasalamat sa akin,” si Connor.

What?

Tumawa si Mavric at inakbayan si Con. “Ako nalang sana ang ginising mo, Con. Maybe I could comfort Shiloh more than his ex…”

“Anong ex? We didn’t break up,” agap ko.

“Akala ko normal lang sa tropa ang magmahalan. Pero niliteral mo!” si Ronan na hinampas pa ang dibdib ko.

“Ngayon alam ko na bakit mahilig ’tong makipag-away kay Shiloh! Nagpapapansin pala kasi tipo niya!” si Rick.

“Nakakatakot naman ’yung nakikipag-away para lang mapansin!” Hagalpak ni Mavric.

“Akala ko nga nagiging Kuya lang kay Shiloh total ganoon din tayo kay Shiloh. Pero iba na pala. Tinamaan na pala.” Iling ni Tyler at biglang lumuhod. “Baby… please…”

Natatawa kong sinipa si Tyler.

“Nakakatakot ka namang tropahin, Brent! Sa sobra mong mapagmahal nilalagyan mo ng pulang marka ang tropa mo. Hayop ka talaga,” si Connor na maangas akong tinanguan.

Ah… so ako lang ang exposed dito? Mavric’s shit sleeping with a guy isn’t revealed yet? As much as I wanted to put him on the spot too, that’s not my story to tell.

“Panay pa dahil daw kay mommy. Siya lang pala,” iling ni Rick.

I laughed until I remembered my mom. Oh boy. I haven’t answered her video call since a month lalo na’t naging busy ako sa practice. I should tell him about Shiloh…

Kahit nasa hapag na at kumakain, talagang hindi na ako tinatantanan nila. They were teasing me by excluding Shiloh from it. Si Shiloh, pinagtatawanan din ako. Parang nakalimutan pa yata nitong boyfriend niya pa rin ako.

Wait. We are still in a relationship, right?

“We are still in a relationship, right?” I confirmed in the middle of their teasing.

Bago pa makasagot si Shiloh, nag-uunahan na nila iyong sinagot.

“Matulog ka ulit, Brent. Mukhang nakalimutan mo yatang hiniwalayan ka kagabi,” si Rick.

“Fuck you, Rick—”

“Naghiwalay kayo kagabi. Rinig na rinig namin. Nakatulog ka nga kakaiyak. Kahit ano daw luhod mo, ayaw na daw ni Shiloh sa’yo,” si Tyler.

“Nakalimutan lang talaga ng isip mo, pero wala na kayo. Ex kana. Naaawa lang kami sa’yo. You can still sit with us, dude, but stop hitting with our friend. Ayaw na sa’yo,” si Ron.

Pinagsisipa ko silang lahat sa ilalim ng mesa. Natatawa silang nag-apir. Tumawa rin si Shiloh. Man… Why is it so convincing that we probably broke up last night?

“Huwag niyo asarin. Mabilis siyang magtampo,” ani Shiloh kaya tiningnan ako ng lahat.

Nagtitinginan sila bago humagalpak.

“Sa katawan mong ’yan, sa angas mo, mabilis ka palang magtampo hayop ka?” si Tyler na sumabog ang hagalpak.

“Paano ba magtampo?” si Rick na nagtatanong pa at ngiting-ngiti.

“Natutulog nang maaga…” ani Shiloh na ikinasabog ng tawanan nila.

“’Yung sa party ni Angela!” Turo ni Ron sa akin. “Ang aga aga matutulog na!”

“Seloso ka pala, Brent? Ano ’yan? Akala ko ba hindi mahilig sa drama? Bakit parang mas madrama ka pa pala?” Natatawang hagalpak ni Connor.

“Haha. Funny, Con. I hope your girl will break up with you again.” I teased.

“Kung si Con malalasing tayo, si Brent tutulugan tayo,” si Rick kaya tawanan muli.

In spite of the teasing, I was relieved that they didn’t question why we were in a relationship. It seems like they were too shocked, but not shocked enough to reject and judge us. And I could feel the warmth with which they supported us. I could feel how they were trying to lighten the situation after what happened yesterday, just to cheer Shiloh up. And I think it’s working because he couldn’t stop laughing while I was being roasted by our friends. Sige nalang… kung diyan siya masaya…

Chapter 39

Relationship

“The players in Cebu sexually harassed one of the Green Archer’s friends. The team captain Bautista flipped the real side of the story, saying he was molested by the Green Archer’s friend, but it wasn’t the truth. Jarsdel and his friends defended their friend, which resulted in punching the perpetrator,” basa ni coach sa viral post na iyon nang ipinatawag na kami dahil sa kaguluhan.

Tahimik kaming umupong anim sa bench. Kami lamang ang nandito at wala sila Nick na iba pa naming teammates sa basketball lalo na’t kami lang naman ang sangkot sa kaguluhan na nakitang nakisuntok. The internet seems so invested in the basketball brawl that they are digging deeper to know what’s behind it.

Nagpalakad-lakad si coach sa harap namin. Nakapangalumbaba kaming anim sa nakabukaka naming mga hita, tahimik na tinitimbang ang desisyon ni coach.

“May ebidensya ba kayo na makakapagpatunay dito?” tanong niya.

Tumango ako. “Meron coach.”

“At ’yung kaibigan niyo, anong desisyon niya? Sasampahan niya ba ng kaso?”

“Trauma pa ’yung kaibigan namin, coach. Sinira ng mga hayop na ’yan ang reputasyon niya. Na kick-out siya sa school dahil doon sa bintang. Natatakot ’yung kaibigan namin na baka maulit ulit. Baka pag ipinaglaban niya, walang makinig sa kanya,” si Rick sa seryosong tinig.

Coach sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Coach, we can’t just let this slip. We were given a chance to finally use our voice for our friend. If we needed to make a loud noise so they would hear him out, we’ll do it,” si Tyler.

Coach looked at us critically. Nagpalakad lakad ulit siya.

“Coach, I know you care about our reputation. But that won’t weigh if we cover the dirt of the other people just because we are afraid it would stain our name if we expose them, or we might get tangled by it. Kung tatahimik tayo coach, kung palalampasin natin, kawawa ang mga magiging sunod nilang biktima,” si Mavric.

“It wasn’t us who should be ashamed on exposing them. It should be them who must be ashamed on harassing people,” sabi ko na ikinatigil ng palakad lakad ni Coach.

“Our friend screamed from the past that he’s innocent, coach. But no one listened. I hope his silence now is enough for all of us to hear him…” si Ronan na medyo namaos ang tinig.

Coach sighed and nodded. “Hawak na ng PBA ang kaguluhang ito. They are willing to take legal actions to punish who started the brawl so they could ban them on the next games. Sa sobrang trending ng laro niyo sa internet, kahit ang ibang bansa, nakikisali sa tweet. Nakikisali sa kaguluhan. Kaya umaani din ng atensyon at maraming gustong tutukan ito hanggang matapos.”

Nagkatinginan kaming anim. It was indeed big. The players who are involved would be banned. Ramdam ko ang takot ni coach na masasali kami sa desisyon ng PBA, ngunit handa kaming anim na harapin iyon. As long as everything falls into the right places. As long as justice prevailed, not just for Shiloh but for people who were victims like him.

Nagbasa basa kami ng mga tweet. Halo halo ang naroon pero apat na tweet ang related sa amin.

Jarsdel the killer. Which showed the tweets about how I slammed dunk over Bautista.

Green Archers to Red Archers. Which about our team how we turned the game into a bloody one by devouring the team fearlessly.

Banned the players, which was about Bautista’s team being unsporty for losing and creating a feud by disrespecting our friend, as they didn’t disclose the name.

And lastly, SHOW YOUR TRUE COLORS.

“Show your true colors tapos ganito kay Bautista,” natatawang ipinakita ni Tyler sa akin ang gray na nilagyan pa ng R.I.P. at ginawang meme dahil sa nangyari sa laro.

Our name, Green Archers, was even called the green ones for being a green flag when we chose to defend our friend from being disrespected.

Iyon nga lang, may mga dumidepensa rin sa mga taga Cebu at may atraso daw sa kanila ang kaibigang pinoprotektahan namin. Itong mga nakikisawsaw akala mo talaga alam ang totoo dahil lang kakilala nila o marahil ay relatives kaya pinagtatanggol.

“Naging viral pa ’yung sayaw ng team natin!” natatawang ipinakita ni Connor ang phone niya.

It was us at the bench doing the dance in sync when Ronan made a three-point shot twice.

“Wala na. Sikat na tayo. Ah… Ayokong pagkaguluhan. Baka sumakit ang kamay ko kakaautograph sa mga girls na aabangan ako. But if they want me to sign them on their chest then…” si Ronan kaya natatawa namin siyang pinaghahampas.

I also opened my other accounts. My brow arched when, as soon as I opened my Instagram account, my followers increased. Sa naaalala ko, five thousand followers lang ako ah? Why is it now at 25 thousand followers?

Tiningnan ko ang message request at nagulat sa dami ng DMs. Puro pa girls ang nagmemessage. I automatically private my account so the followers would stop and didn’t entertain any requested messages.

“Should we deact for a while?” sabi ko nang makitang nag-eenjoy ang mga kumag sa internet at hindi man lang ako pinakinggan.

“We became the Philippines’ topic. I can’t believe this. They’re making memes,” natatawang si Tyler na ibinalandra pa ang pasikat niyang paglabas ng dila sa court na ginawang gif.

“Tingnan niyo! Ang daming shares! Fifty thousand na sa Facebook! Ipinost si Shiloh!”

Mabilis akong napasiksik sa gilid ni Connor at nakibasa habang nagsisiksikan din ang mga ulo ng iba pang boys.

I read the caption first. A woman posted her theory and dug so thoroughly that she slowly connected everything into pieces. Naroon lahat.

“I was just curious with the basketball brawl that I searched the old pictures of the Cebu players and noticed one of their players who was familiar. Shiloh was a former part of their team, which got kicked out of their school for punching Bautista and transferred to Manila. Nakita ko na siya ngayon sa tag photos noong circles ng mga player ng Green Archers na sangkot sa gulo. Is he the friend they are talking about? Pero kung kabilang siya sa dating team, bakit may alitan na? Paano kung hindi babae ang tinutukoy nilang kaibigan at lalake pala? Is he the one who’s harassed by the other team?”

I sighed and shook my head. Internet peeps are really fast at digging deeper. I even read a comment that it’s a major plot twist if it was really Shiloh whom we are trying to defend. Nakita ko pa ang ibang comments na mukhang naglalabas din ng sama ng loob sa ibang mga comments na ayaw maniwalang lalake pala ang biktima.

I can’t stand these other people in the comment section making a long ass explanation that there’s no way it was a man whom the Cebu sexually harassed. It just showed that we aren’t well educated about this matter and that men can be victims of sexual harassment too. You are all sick in the head for being more invested in confirming whether Shiloh is gay or not.

Ayan na ang mga homophobic nagsisilabasan na at triggered dahil mukhang babae ang lalake. Pakisearch sa google ang feminine men para naman aware kayo na may mga ganoong boys!

Hindi pa nagsasalita ’yung green archers kung siya ba ang biktima guys. Pero kung siya man ang tinutukoy nilang kaibigan at hindi babae, so what if the victim is a boy? Tingin niyo babae lang ang nababastos?

I’m from US and loves basketball. Can you speak english please. I want to stay updated why they suddenly turned the court into a boxing ring.

When sexual harassment is involved, we all jump to the conclusion that the woman might be the victim again. Baka nakakalimutan natin na may mga lalake ring nagiging biktima sa ganito pero nababaliwala lang dahil hindi gaanong pinagtutuunan ng pansin.

If it was him who was harassed, I hope that he gets justice. Our society needs to wake up to the fact that harassment can happen to boys too.

“Violence is normal for boys.” Another episode of society’s toxic masculinity. Ipasok natin ’yang sinasabi niyong baka nagbibiruan lang sila at bakla ’yang lalake kaya napikon! Na dapat pag lalake, sanay ka sa magaspang na sinasabi nitong mga boys sa comment section na nature daw nilang mga lalake! Ginagawa niyong nature niyo ’yang bullying, violence, sexual harassment at homophobic?

Nakakahiya naman sa bible verses niyong bio ’yang mga statements niyo. Hindi purket hindi pasok sa paniniwala niyo, ibig sabihin sila na ang mali. Mas tanggap niyo pa ’yung nambastos kaysa sa biktima dahil lang tingin niyo mukhang bakla? Nakakasuka.

Men can be victims of abuse too, and it’s so sad that there are still people who normalize victim blaming.

Daming homophobic! Straight ka nga pero baliko naman ang paniniwala mo sa ano ang mabuti at masama. Mas matimbang pala na kasalanan ang pagiging bakla ngayon kaysa ang pagiging bastos? Mga demonyo.

I stopped reading the comments and deleted my Facebook app because I don’t like visiting it from time to time and get angry at the judgments of other people towards Shiloh.

“’Yung mga babae sa comments hinahanap ang account ni Shiloh,” natatawang lingon sa akin ni Rick at parang may pinapahiwatig.

Nakakatawa ’yon?

“Libo agad ang kaagaw ni Jarsdel,” si Tyler. “Kung paramihan ng mahahakot na babae parang matatalo ka yata nito.”

Tyler and his mouth really never fail to boil someone’s blood.

I was kind of relieved by the coach’s decision to hear our side and wait for the result of the basketball brawl before we could take some legal action.

Pinag-iisipan ding mabuti ni Shiloh kung magsasampa siya ng kaso. I could sense he was worried, but I will stand firm that they must face the consequences of their actions.

On the next day, we found out that the boys were already banned from participating in basketball. Ang hindi ko pa alam kung kasali rin ba kami. At parang wala na nga yatang pakialam ang boys sa amin kung pati kami ay mababanned din.

Before we proceed to our Christmas plans, Shiloh gathered everyone for an important matter.

Tahimik na nakaupo ang mga girls sa sofa sa bahay nila Angela. Nakatayo ang mga boys at nakahalukipkip ang iilan sa pader, ang iba naman ay nakatayo lamang.

“M-May…aaminin ako,” Shiloh started.

Napatuwid ang tayo ko. Nilingon agad ako ng mga boys at tila ba may ideya sila sa sasabihin ni Shiloh habang nagpipigil ng ngiti si Sadie sa akin.

“May…may relasyon kami ni… ni Brent—”

Isang nakakabinging tili ang ginawa ng mga girls at nagsitalunan. Shiloh was a bit shocked by their reaction because, instead of getting disgusted, they looked like their ship had finally ended together.

“Sabi ko na! Sabi ko na!” si Sheena na tumitili at tumakbong niyakap si Shiloh.

“Sabi ko sa inyo! Ayaw niyong maniwala!” si Angela na natatawa ring tiningnan ang girls.

“Boyfriend ka ni Shiloh?!” Mica shouted, flabbergasted, as I remembered he got a crush on him the first time he saw him.

“Crush na crush ko si Shiloh noong unang kita ko pa lang sa kanya, Brent!” si Angela na mariin ang tingin sa akin.

“Nairita pa ako kay Angela at Mica kasi mga karibal ko kay Shiloh noon tapos ngayon… malalaman ko na si Brent pala ’yung karibal ko noon at siya pa ang nireto reto ako sa kanya?!” si Sadie na natatawa rin akong tiningnan.

“Nakita ko kaya silang nagkiss sa pool!” sumbong ni Sadie na namilog ang mga mata ng girls.

“Noong nalaman ko na maraming may crush kay Shiloh di na nga ako nakisali. Tapos biglang si Brent lang pala ang makakakuha kay Shiloh,” si Gabriella.

I cross my arms and flash a proud smile, showing off myself as his boyfriend. “Yes, girls. He’s mine.”

The boys laughed and hit me. “Sus ang yabang yabang akala mo naman hindi lumuhod at nagmakaawang huwag hiwalayan noong nakaraan!” laglag ni Connor na ikinapawi ng ngisi ko.

Sumabog ang tawanan ng mga boys at nag-apir habang humalo din ang tawa ng mga girls. I pursed my lips in an annoying way, but I still laugh along with them.

“Si Brent lumuhod?! Ang mayabang na ito na akala mo kung sinong boyfriend ng lahat ng babae sa sobrang playboy?!” si Sheena na itinuro ako.

“Please, baby! Don’t break up with me!” Biglang luhod ulit ni Tyler at niyakap ang mga hita ni Ron na ikinahagalpak nilang lahat lalo na’t madalas gayang gaya ni Tyler ang mga seryosong eksena na nagiging katatawanan na iyon pag siya ang umulit.

Umiling ako at nangingiting tiningnan si Shiloh na tumatawa rin. I wanted to frown at him, but seeing him wearing my hoodie calmed me down.

“Oh, Shiloh! We are so proud of you!” Agad na pinagyayakap ng girls si Shiloh.

“Thank you for trusting us to know your secret! It meant so much! Ikaw pa naman ang labasan namin ng secrets!”

“Huwag kang umalis ha! Dito kana sa amin! Kung aalis ka sisisihin namin ’yang boyfriend mo!” sabay tingin ng masama sa akin ng mga girls.

Why is it always me?

“Dude, imagine it. Pag nag-away kayo ni Shiloh wala kang kakampi. Either you say sorry or you find another circle,” si Mavric na inakbayan ako.

Alipin nga ako, sila pa ba? At oo na. Sige na. Siya na lagi ang masusunod.

It was a loud and chaotic night while everyone seemed to be celebrating someone’s birthday. Nagkaroon kami ng mini party sa pool nila Angela at sila ang gumastos sa pagkain habang kaming mga boys sa drinks.

We haven’t talked about the brawl that’s circulating all over the internet, as everyone wants Shiloh to forget what happened. Kahit sa balita, alam kong laman din iyon dahil hanggang ngayon, sabi ng mga girls ay nasa Twitter at Facebook pa daw.

I don’t really care about it. Mas focus ako ngayon sa magiging hakbang ni Shiloh.

“Ah finally. No more secrets…” Hila ko sa baywang niya at pinaupo siya sa aking nakaparteng kandungan habang nasa patio kami sa harap ng pool para doon mag-inuman.

Naibuga ni Rick ang iniinom niya at naubo naman si Connor. Natatawa ko silang tiningnan habang pigil ang ngiti ni Shiloh at namumula.

Mavric sipped on his drink calmly as if he had prepared himself for this kind of moment with me and Shiloh and that he was the one who didn’t make too much fuss while the other boys looked so offended.

“Gago ang sakit ng ilong ko.” Nauubong si Connor na pinagtawanan ng boys dahil lumabas pa yata doon ang ininom niya.

The girls went out in their bikinis and saw us. Sa tingin pa lang nila, alam kong hindi ko mahahawakan si Shiloh pag nandiyan sila.

Pinaghihila siya ng mga girls sa akin. Matigas kong ipinalupot ang braso sa kanyang baywang at inilingan ang girls.

“Akin siya ngayon,” sabi ko ngunit talagang hinihila nila at gustong kunin sa akin.

Tumawa si Shiloh at hinaplos ang kamay ko para makawala. I sighed and loosened my grip.

“Walang rela-relasyon pag nasa circles, Brent. Tropa tayong lahat dito,” si Sadie na nangliliit ang titig sa akin.

I boredly crouched on my parted legs and took the shot glass Mavric handed me. Humihiyaw na ang mga girls at nakita ko ang pagsama ni Shiloh sa kanila patalon sa pool habang sinisimsim ko ang inumin ko.

“You can’t have him when we’re around.” Ngisi ni Mavric sa aking gilid.

That’s really true.

“I want to tell it to my mother. What do you think?” bigla kong open-up at tiningnan sila.

Sumeryoso agad sila at nag-isip isip.

“Mostly pa naman sa generation ng parents natin hindi open sa ganito,” si Con.

“How about Tito Felix? Your father is cool, right, Brent?” si Tyler na tinanguan ko.

“Ain’t that strict to beat the shit out of me, I guess.” I shrugged and sipped on my drinks again as I glanced at the girls having fun in the pool.

“Mukhang hindi nga strict ang dad mo. Remember during our high school days? When we were called in for guidance because of that porn thing?” Natatawang paaalala ni Ronan lalo na’t magkaklase kami noon.

Nakangisi akong sumandal sa upuan nang maalala din iyon. May kaklase kaming lalake noon na gumawa ng sariling GC at nagsesend ng porn. At dahil nandoon kami, nadamay at napatawag ang parents sa school.

It was my father who handled it. Ayaw niyang si Mommy dahil medyo overreacting ’yon pero ang totoo, nahihiya talaga si Mommy that time.

“Binigyan pa kami ng pang-inom ng dad niya pagkatapos,” natatawang si Ron.

“My father is quite the chill one. Si Mommy ang madrama,” sabi ko.

“Try it, Brent. Hindi ba’t gustong gusto ni Tita si Shiloh? Halos makalimutan noon na ikaw ang anak niya at hindi si Shiloh,” si Rick.

“Mapapagalitan ka siguro at bakit sa lahat ng papatulan mo, ang paborito niyang anak,” natatawang si Tyler.

I rolled my eyes, but then there’s a high chance my mother would really react that way. But who knows? Mom is quite unpredictable.

I was planning it before we go on trips after Christmas and leave to celebrate the New Year in the States with my parents. Baka sakaling kung maganda ang pagtanggap kay Shiloh, dalhin ko na rin total malayo pa naman ang Chinese New Year at sa amin nalang siguro muna siya magcelebrate?

What worries me is Shiloh’s mom. Tita Solene seems strict, knowing she’s a Chinese. But she’s close to my mom. Baka naman matutulungan ako ni Mommy sa kanya.

I didn’t let Shiloh engage on the internet for a while. Hindi naman din siya mahilig doon. His accounts were all deactivated a year ago. Puro games lang ang nasa cellphone at messenger para sa GC namin.

“Bakit hindi mo naisipang magsampa ng kaso noon?” kuryoso kong tanong sa gabing iyon sa sumunod na araw habang nakasandal siya sa dibdib ko.

“Mas gusto ni Mama na lumayo nalang daw ako.”

It must be so heavy for him, huh? It hurts me that during those times, he has nothing. It seems like everyone turned their backs on him. Even his own mother.

It must be really hard that you were the one who was harassed, and yet they’re making you feel that it was your fault.

“Dito kana. You have us here.”

He glanced at me and smiled. His genuine smile reaches his eyes, and it’s sparkling. It’s his asset. His eyes. Because it smiles when he smiles. And it speaks to the thousand pains his mouth couldn’t say. But in spite of everything he’s been through, his own light never dims.

How do you do that, Shiloh? Why do you remain everyone’s sunshine after all the storms you’ve been through?

“I’ll tell this to Mom,” sabi ko habang tahimik kong pinapanood ang paglalaro niya ng games sa phone ko.

Sa sobra niyang gulat, namimilog ang mga mata niyang nilingon ako.

“Kay Tita?”

Tumango ako. “I don’t want to keep this a secret anymore.”

Lumunok siya ng laway. He looked so bothered. Pinatay niya pa ang screen ng phone para lang ituon ang buong atensyon sa akin.

“P-Paano kung… magalit siya sa’yo. Paano kung madisappoint?”

I laugh because that’s not my mom at all. But I don’t know. I was so open with my mother that I felt comfortable telling her things.

“She might be shocked. But believe me, my mom is pretty cool. She won’t judge. Unless I kill someone? Baka kaladkarin pa ako noon sa kulungan.” I chuckled.

“Pansin ko na iba ang closeness niyo ni Tita.”

“Why? Aren’t you…close with your mom?”

Nag-iwas siya ng tingin sa akin at sumandal ulit sa aking dibdib. Tiningnan niya ang ceiling habang tinititigan ko ang mukha niya.

“May mga bagay lang na hindi siya handang tanggapin kasi ayaw niyang mabali ang pananalig niya. Parang…ano…ganoon ang nakalakihan na itinuro sa kanya at alam niya? Kaya siguro…ano…gusto niyang ganoon din dapat ako.”

I understand his point. In other words…

“She’s homophobic?”

Ngumuso siya. Kita ko na nahihirapan siyang may masabing mali sa mama niya.

“What’s your plan?” I asked.

“Kung gusto mong sabihin sa mama mo, a-ayos lang. Pero kay mama, pag-iisipan ko muna kasi baka masaktan ko siya.”

I sighed and cupped his cheeks with my one hand.

“You’re so selfless. Maliit kana nga ikaw pa lagi ang nagpapakumbaba.”

Sinamaan niya ako ng tingin. “Ang tangkad ba ng tingin mo sa sarili mo at naliliitan ka sa akin?”

See? His mood easily changes.

“Maliit ka naman talaga. Maliit ang pasensya,” biro ko ngunit hinampas niya agad ako ng unan habang natatawa.

“Ewan ko sa’yo. Edi maghanap ka ng matangkad.”

“Matangkad ka naman ah?” I smiled while he was now bracing for my tease.

“Singtaas ng Mt. Everest ang sungay mo— Aw,” I whimpered when he bit my shoulder, and I needed to touch the sides of his waist, making him burst into laughter while pulling himself away from me.

“Ah…” I whimpered and touched my shoulder na medyo nag-aalala siya.

When he leaned closer to look at my shoulder, sinalubong ko agad ng halik ang labi niya na ikinatigil niya. I smirked and lifted my brows.

Titig na titig siya sa akin hanggang umalis siya sa kama at biglang tumayo roon.

“Sigurado kana talaga sa akin?” bigla niyang tanong na ikinahalukipkip ko sa kama at nakanguso siyang tiningnan.

“Tingnan mo. Sigurado ka talaga?”

I scoffed. “You’re making me feel like loving you is a downgrade. I have high standards, Shiloh. And you passed.”

Natawa siya at kinuha ulit ang unan sabay ibinato sa akin. Kung gagantihan ko ’to iiyak ’to. I only pulled him toward me until he sat on my lap.

“The boys even think you have a low standard for choosing me…” I whispered against his neck.

“Ah, oo. Ayaw nilang lahat sa’yo. Bakit daw sa dami daming mas gwapong lalake, ikaw daw.”

“Si Rick ba ang nagsabi niyan?” I leered and started imagining Rick’s face as my punching bag.

Tumango siya. “Sabi din nila mukha mo lang daw ang gwapo sa’yo.”

“And that’s Tyler?” Lalo na’t sa insulto pa lang, parang gusto ko na agad ilibing ng buhay kung sino man ’yan and that’s obviously Tyler’s words.

“Hindi mo ako mapapakasalan balang araw,” he said in a playful tone, but I knew he meant it. “Bawal tayo sa simbahan…”

I rolled my eyes. “Then let’s get married in the garden? Or in front of the sea?”

Tumawa si Shiloh. “Hindi rin kita mabibigyan ng anak.”

My brows knit. He was being playful, but I could sense the weight of the things he was saying. Ilang beses na sigurong bumagabag ’yan sa isip niya.

“Hindi kita mabibigyan ng pamilya,” he continued with a smile on his lips.

“Tell me the things you could only give, Shiloh.”

Lumunok siya. “Uh…sakit sa ulo?”

“You mean a head… a headache?” I playfully smiled.

Sarkastiko ang ngiti niya at lumiit pa ang mga mata.

“Is that all? A headache?”

Nag-isip isip siya. I smiled and waited for him to find it in his mind.

“Whatever you have in your mind, then that’s enough. I’ll take it.”

Matagal ang paninitig niya sa akin, naninimbang ang tingin.

“And I may not marry you here, but I know I am going to spend my lifetime with you. Everyone will question us, yes, but we don’t need to answer them. They don’t matter.”

Unti-unti siyang kumalma at titig na titig na sa akin.

“Yes, we can’t reproduce, but do we really need a kid just to be called family when having you is more than enough? When having you… felt like home? You may not give me the kids, but heck, I didn’t ask for it, Shiloh.”

Umirap siya ngunit may ngiti na sa labi.

“Do not pressure yourself to give something I didn’t require you. You are enough. Just you and me… and the people who embrace us.”

He chuckled a little like my words tickled him. Nangingiti ko siyang tiningnan lalo na’t nakakahawa talaga pag siya siya na ang tumawa.

“Ayos lang sa’yo na…wala tayong anak?” tanong niya.

I laughed. “That’s society’s standard about having a family, not mine.”

“Paano kung…dumating ang araw na… mainggit ka sa iba?”

“Then it’s up to you if you want to adopt kids. I would be down for it too.”

“Ayos lang sa’yo? Ayaw mong…kalahi mo? Uh…kamukha mo?”

It really bugs his mind, huh?

“There’s a lot of ways if you really want it. Hightech na ang technology ngayon. But as I said, I am fine having only you. Besides, you’re my baby.”

Umirap siya at humagalpak. I pulled him closer to me to tease him even more. Humiga ako sa kama hanggang nasama siya sa akin at nakapatong.

“Ah…Ayoko ng maraming maliliit na Shiloh. Puputi agad ang buhok ko. Ikaw pa nga lang sakit na sa ulo. Marami pa kaya? Baka mapanot ako nang maaga.”

Humalakhak siya sa leeg ko. I pressed my lips against the side of his head while I couldn’t erase my smile.

“I’m fine with one Shiloh. I don’t need more of you,” I whispered.

Nangingiti siyang tumingin sa akin. He pulled my nape and kissed me.

“Don’t overthink it, hmm?” I said against his lips.

Maaga siyang nakatulog sa gilid ko. I gently caressed his cheek against the back of my finger while looking at his angelic face, sleeping peacefully.

“How come they can’t accept you when you’re this perfect?”

I can’t imagine his pain dealing with his mother. Sa sobrang tahimik at hinhin niya noong dumating siya rito, ramdam ko na para bang sanay siyang may sinusunod na mga utos. He seems so submissive.

Well,unlike the Shiloh now. Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ako na nasobrahan na siya sa pagiging spoiled ngayon o ano. I laughed again and bit his chin. Umungol siya at sumimangot habang tulog. I chuckled a little and pulled him close to me.

“Hindi mo sinasagot lately ang tawag ko, Brent,” si Mommy kinabukasan nang sa wakas ay nasagot ko rin ang tawag.

“I got busy, mom. I had a play I needed to focus on.”

“Si Shiloh, kumusta? Hindi rin sinasagot ang tawag ko. Baka galit na ’yan sa’yo at nadadamay na ako, Brent!”

Tumikhim ako at hinaplos ang batok. Mommy leered at me more, as if he caught me bullying her favorite son.

“Nag-away kayo? Pinakialaman mo na naman? Nireto-reto? Brent hinahayaan kitang mambabae at kung ano man ’yang mga kabulastugan mo pero ang idamay si Shiloh—”

“Mom, I’m actually in a relationship now,” agap ko at pinutol siya.

“Then good for you! You can now mind your own business and focus on your girlfriend! Huwag mo nang pakialaman si Shiloh!”

Wow? My mother wasn’t even invested in her son’s love life. He only cares about that shorty.

“Ipapakilala ko ngayon, Mom. Magkasama kami,” sabi ko at kinuha ang phone.

My mother waited for a bit. Lumabas ako ng kuwarto at kumatok sa pinto ni Shiloh bago iyon binuksan. He glanced at me while he was on his bed, busy sketching early in the morning.

Tumikhim ako at tumabi kay Shiloh. I placed my phone beside his sketch until Shiloh’s face showed on the camera.

My mother’s face lightened, and she waved her hand cutely.

“Hello, Shiloh!” si Mommy sa marahang tinig habang nangingiti.

Shiloh smiled and waved his hand back with the pencil he’s holding. “Hello po.”

“Oh Brent, nasaan na ang girlfriend mo? Akala ko ba ipapakilala mo?” si Mommy na naghahanap ang tingin.

Shiloh looked at me. Kita ko ang panic sa mga mata niya. Humalukipkip ako sa headboard ng kanyang kama.

“Ah…Tita…M-May sasabihin daw po si Brent…” si Shiloh na agad na ibinigay ang phone sa akin.

I looked at the camera again.

“Brent, nandiyan kana naman sa kuwarto ni Shiloh. Manggugulo kana naman. Lumabas kana diyan. Busy siya,” si Mommy.

“Mom. Shiloh doesn’t mind. He likes it when I’m around.”

Nasira ang ekspresyon ni Shiloh. I turned the camera facing him, so he immediately faked a smile and nodded.

“Ah…opo. Ayos lang po.” At hilaw pa ang ngiti niya.

“Hindi ka naman na ginugulo?”

Shiloh looked at me. “Ah…minsan po.”

I rolled my eyes while smiling. Iniharap ko ulit sa akin ang camera.

“Where’s your girlfriend, Brent?” si Mommy na talagang kuryoso.

Ngumuso ako at tiningnan si Shiloh.

“Mom…Shiloh is my…”

Titig na titig si Mommy sa akin at mukhang nalilito habang hinihintay ang sagot ko. I licked my lower lip and pressed the tip of my tongue against the side of my mouth.

“I’m in a relationship with Shiloh,” I said bravely.

Ang ngiti niya sa labi ay unti-unting napawi. Ilang sigundo niya akong tinitigan na hindi ko alam kung naghahang ba ang phone ko, o siya ang hindi gumagalaw.

“Mom… I’m…I’m bi—”

My mother turned the call off.

Chapter 40

Hello, irys! This is the last chapter of Between the Rainbow. I know that this is quite short compared to my other chapters, but the last ten chapters were actually long compared to the normal word count, so you would enjoy it more. The 40 chapters will continue in the other books of this series. See you in the epilogue. Happy reading! —

Warning: R-18

Memories

Bumaba ang balikat ko. Kahit si Shiloh ay dahan dahan ding bumaba ang balikat habang kapwa kami nakatitig sa phone.

My mom was overdramatic at times, but I didn’t expect it to hurt. The rejection would hurt. Iyon lang naman ang ginawa niya, ang binabaan ako ng tawag, ngunit masakit iyon.

And to imagine Shiloh has suffered more than the rejection when he wasn’t just pushed away but also abandoned, it pains me.

Hindi ko ito kayang gawin sa kanya. Hindi ko kayang tumalikod.

“At least I said it.” I shrugged and tossed my phone on the other side of the bed.

Tahimik na tinitigan ni Shiloh ang sketch pad niya. I laid beside him and watched his sketch.

“Ako ba ’to?” I laughed to divert the attention.

Tahimik siyang tumango ngunit parang hindi iyon sapat para ma-distract siya. Noong nilingon ko siya, namumula na ang mga mata niya. I sighed and pulled him toward me.

“Sabi ko sa’yo…” Mabilis ang paghikbi niya at gumalaw agad ang balikat.

And it pains me even more that he was expecting it. He was used to being rejected.

“Marami ang tatalikod sa atin dahil dito, Brent. Marami ang mawawala sa’yo…”

I hugged him tightly. I wasn’t aching for myself, but for him. He experienced it. Not just once. But a lot of times. Hindi ko kayang isipin kung paano niya nakayang magpatuloy.

“Let’s give them more time to digest it. Stop crying. You make me feel like I just lost a loved one,” bulong ko at idinaan iyon sa tawa dahil ayokong makita niyang nasasaktan ako.

Tiningala niya ako. Namumulang mga mata at ilong. God.

“Bakit? Parang nawalan ka naman ah?”

“They lost me, Shiloh. If my mother won’t support me on this, I’d respect it. I love her, but loving her doesn’t require giving up the other things I love. That’s not what she taught me.”

Humingos siya at muling binalikan ang sketch pad niya. Ngumuso ako at hinayaan siyang kumawala sa akin, dumapa ulit para pagtuunan ng pansin ang sketch pad kahit pumapatak ang luha niya habang nagpatuloy sa pagguhit.

“Our friends are still there. They’re family to me too…” pilit kong pinagaan ang loob niya.

His tears worsened, cascading down his cheeks. Humingos siya at iritang pinalis iyon kaya tumulong ako.

“You know, I’m an adult now. I could work. I could support myself. I have my own business, just so you know. During summer, I would work my ass off to earn my own money. Pero kahit hindi ko ’yon tutukan, lumalago naman…”

Hindi siya natinag kakaiyak at tahimik na nagpatuloy sa pagguhit. Noong tiningnan ko iyon, nakita ko na mas malaki na ang isang butas ng ilong sa kabila. Gusto ko sanang pagtawanan kaso baka lalo siyang umiyak.

I wiped his tears so they wouldn’t get on his sketch pad. Man… He’s really worried.

My phone rang again. Mabilis ang paglingon ni Shiloh doon. He looked so hopeful that it might be good news. Kinuha ko iyon at nakitang si Daddy. Fuck.

His eyes widened. “S-Sagutin mo.”

I nodded and answered my father’s video call. Bumalandra agad ang problemado niyang mukha.

“You’re in big trouble, young man,” si Dad na strikto ngunit nahahati ang atensyon sa laptop at sa akin. He seems to be working. Nakikita ko na nasa office room siya ng bahay namin.

“Where’s mom, dad?”

“She booked a flight. She’s flying there. Kung ano man ang ginawa mo, Brent, humingi ka nalang agad ng tawad nang kumalma ang mommy mo. I told you, being young is fun. I will let you enjoy it. But you should know your limit. So what is it, this time? Nakabuntis ka ba?” Tiningnan niya saglit ang camera ngunit itinuon lang ulit sa laptop.

“Did she hear about the viral post? Baka ’yon ang rason kaya gusto niyang umuwi dito?”

“Nah. After what your mother had been through from all of your troubles in the past in women? Iniisip niya lang may girlfriend ka at pinagtanggol mo. We didn’t make a big deal out of it since you seem unbothered with that basketball brawl too. You didn’t contact us.”

“Sobrang busy ko, dad.”

“Your Tito is curious too. You trended our family name. Was it that worse?”

Sumilip saglit si Shiloh sa camera at kita ko ang mangha niya nang makita si Dad. He’s kind of the serious type. Kaso palabiro naman talaga si Dad. Sadyang strict lang tingnan.

“Under control na, dad. You didn’t stop Mom from leaving?”

He shrugged. “She’s desperate. I think you needed a good smack from your mom, so I’ll let her discipline you this time.”

I laughed. My father took his eyeglasses from his eyes and looked at the camera seriously as he leaned a bit, clasping his fingers resting on the table.

“So tell me, what did you do, kid?”

“Dad…” Dahan dahan kong nilingon si Shiloh.

Kinuha ni Shiloh ang unan at ibinaon doon ang mukha niya. He looked so nervous for my father’s reaction this time.

“By the way, Shiloh is here beside me.” Iginalaw ko ang camera para makita siya.

“Shiloh. Solene’s son.” Tumango tango siya. “Don’t change the topic. Anong ginawa mo sa mommy mo at gusto kang puntahan agad diyan?”

“I told him I’m in a relationship…” I scratched my back. Here we go again…

Tumango si Dad at tila pinag-iisipan kung anong mali roon.

“At nabuntis mo?”

I laughed. “Dad, wala akong nabuntis.”

He calmed down a bit.

“At hindi ko naman ’to mabubuntis si Shiloh. I’m in a relationship with him, Dad,” deritso ko nang matapos na.

I saw how he suddenly froze, like my mom. Kumunot ang noo niya at titig na titig sa akin.

“You’re…”

“Bisexual,” agap ko. “And Shiloh is…”

Dahan dahang umahon ang ulo ni Shiloh. Ngumuso ako.

“In love with me.”

My father’s lips parted. Ilang sigundo siyang natulala at tila ba pinoproseso niya pa. Kumunot ang kanyang noo at inilagay ang isa niyang kamay sa pisngi niya.

“That’s it?” Tila ba may hinihintay pa siyang pasabog.

Namilog ang mga mata ni Shiloh. He didn’t expect my father would be that…easy to deal with in spite of his strict demeanor.

“Uh…yeah? And… that viral post…it was actually Shiloh. We punched that man who harassed him kaya nagkagulo kami.”

Umangat ang kilay niya. He looked so proud as he nodded.

“That’s what I told you, right? If you are going to be violent, make sure your reason is valid so you won’t get scolded by us.”

I nodded again while chuckling because he looked so proud. Itinuturo pa ako.

“Your mother is really overreacting. I knew it.” Nailing si Dad at ibinalik ang atensyon sa laptop.

“Baka gusto mong pumunta dito, dad? Kaso baka kahit sa pool mo ako ilublob hindi na ako tutuwid.” I laughed.

He scoffed. “I am too old to rain on someone’s parade, young boy. Enjoy it. If that’s the best version of yourself, then wear it proudly. I am not gonna lose my son over a gender he prefers for himself.” Tumingin siya sa akin at nakaangat ang mga kilay.

I showed my fist and bumped it at the camera. He bumped his fist at the camera as well and chuckled.

“I missed you, kid. It’s quite overwhelming to know this other side of you. We haven’t talked too much about deep things lately…”

“Miss you too, Dad. Sabi ni mommy busy ka raw. Baka daw dalawa na ang binubuhay mong pamilya kaya sobra kanang busy.”

He rolled his eyes and looked at me. I could see how he got used to their petty fights; it sounded normal to him anymore.

“Kaya sabi ko sa’yo, sagutin mo ang mga tawag niya. Hindi ko lang nabibigyan ’yon ng kaonting atensyon, gagawa na ng away. Do me a favor and make her busy sometimes.”

“Someone is keeping me busy too, dad,” I smirked.

Tumawa si Dad at tumingin sa camera. “Iharap mo nga kay Shiloh.”

I glanced at Shiloh, who fixed his face and made sure that he didn’t look like he cried when it was obvious because of his puffy eyes. Noong makita siya sa camera, ngumiti agad siya at nahihiyang kumaway.

“Hello po…”

My father smiled and nodded. “Umiyak ka ba?”

“Ah…” Kinurot ako ni Shiloh ng palihim at gustong ako pa ang magsalita.

“He cried, thinking I might lose my mom, dad,” I teased.

Natawa rin si Daddy. “Let her process it, Brent. Baka nagulat lang ’yon. Sa tagal tagal niyang pinoproblema ang pagiging babaero mo, ngayon, lalake ang pinakilala mo. She didn’t see it coming.”

I saw Shiloh’s sarcastic expression when my father mentioned that I was a playboy. Iniharap ko ulit sa kanya ang camera kaya mabilis ang ngiti niya at nawawala ang mga mata dahil doon.

“Huwag kanang umiyak. Madrama lang ’yung mommy ni Brent. You’ll get used to her now that you are part of the family,” ani Dad na ikinanguso ko.

Nagkatinginan pa kaming dalawa ni Shiloh habang may tinipa saglit si dad sa laptop niya at muling bumaling sa camera para tingnan kami na agarang nagsiiwas ng tingin habang pigil ang ngiti niya at malawak ang akin.

“Pumunta kayo dito sa States, Shiloh,” si Dad. “Pupunta ’yan dito si Brent this New Year. Sumama kana para naman maipakilala ka namin dito sa iba.”

Shiloh smiled shyly. I hugged the pillow while watching Shiloh converse with my dad politely as I rested my head against it. Hindi na napawi ang ngiti ko. Kumalma na si Shiloh at ganadong nakipag-usap kay Dad.

“Nahihiya po ako, Tito,” si Shiloh nang pinipilit ni Dad na sumama sa akin at nakakailang tanggi na.

“Huwag kanang mahiya. Nandiyan naman si Brent.”

“Nahihiya siya, dad. Baka daw may mga homophobic tayong relatives,” I pointed out and glanced at Shiloh, who pinched me again secretly.

“Remember your Tito Greg?”

“Yes, dad.” Tumango ako habang kakadaing lang sa kurot ng katabi kong makulit.

“He came out. He’s gay.”

Namilog ang mga mata ko. Tito Greg, who was a retired soldier? What the?

“Your relatives are quite afraid to question him. So don’t worry about the homophobic, Shiloh. Greg would put a bullet in someone’s mouth if someone talked shit about your relationship with my son.”

And just like that, his mood changes. Alam kong naging sapat iyon na pakalmahin siya dahil hindi siya nag-iisa at may ganoon pala sa pamilya namin.

“Alam ko na saan ka nagmana?” At nagawa niya pa akong biruin pagkatapos ng tawag na ’yon.

“At ikaw, saan ka nagmana, huh?” Kiliti ko sa kanya na ikinahagalpak niya.

“Sa kapitbahay,” natatawa niyang pag-amin.

Hindi kami makaalis alis sa unit dahil hinihintay ko si Mommy. Naatat na ang mga girls na magtravel lalo na’t Christmas na sa Friday. But since my mother is coming home, they didn’t invite us for a while and let us spend more time in our unit.

“What if pagdating ni Tita dito sampalin niya ako?” And he’s really overthinking while we were on his bed again as I joined him on another sketch.

I know he’s stressed. He was trying to distract himself by being busy with it because something is bugging his mind.

“My mom isn’t violent, Shiloh. Huling kurot noon sa akin noong Elementary pa ako. She won’t slap you for this.”

“Pero what if—”

I leaned closer and brushed my lips against his lips.

“What if—”

I claimed his lips again. He stopped talking for a while as I watched him carefully. When he attempted to talk, I shoved my tongue into his mouth and smiled against his lips as I pulled him close to me.

Humalik siya pabalik. Nagkakasalubong ang kilay niya at halatang may iniisip pa rin but because of my kisses, he can’t continue his frustrations.

I hovered over him and pulled my t-shirt at the back. I just pushed his leg and directed my crotch to tease him.

“Ano ba!” Natatawa niyang tiningnan iyon habang natatawa rin akong gumalaw.

“It might help as your stress reliever?”

“Baka stress reliever mo!” Nanliliit ang titig niya sa akin ngunit ipinalupot ang kamay sa aking batok.

I arched my brow because I could sense he liked it. I bit my lower lip as I grinded more and it etched on his face how heat was slowly consuming him when he helplessly closed his eyes, feeling it.

I nibbled on the skin of his neck while I could hear his little whimper.

“What if…” he whispered again; his voice sounded hoarse.

“I said stop overthinking about my mom, Shiloh,” saway ko.

Dumilat siya at namula. “Iba kasi.”

Agaran kong nakuha ang what if niya. Why does my mind easily process things related to sex? Am I this dirty-minded?

“Alin?” Sinubukan kong magmaangmaangan ngunit patuloy ang paggalaw ko.

His lips parted, and he pressed his face against my neck.

“Gusto ko,” he whispered.

“Ang?” I teased and grinded slowly.

He whimpered as if it were electrifying his whole body. And the way his nails dig against my arm as he breathes heavily against the skin of my neck, I know what he wants.

“Sabi ni Mav masakit naman daw pero mas masarap—”

I stopped my movements. It’s horrifying to hear Mavric’s name in the middle of it! Parang bigla kong gustong upakan ang ngumingisi niyang mukha sa isip ko.

When I stopped grinding, Shiloh looked down and continued to grind to pleasure himself.

“Don’t listen to that demon, Shiloh—Fuck,” I groaned when he took my shaft out and wrapped his hand around it.

He did some few strokes that made me weak. I was feeling it. To give back the pleasure, I palmed him too. Tumakas ang daing sa kanya at naiparte ang mga labi. I crouched and lick his lower lip to wet it more and took his shaft out as well.

Instead of kissing him, I rested my forehead against his forehead while our lips were touching, and yet we were both panting while stroking each other.

Gumalaw siya bigla at umabante kaya umatras ako hanggang sa naitukod ang mga siko sa kama nang patuloy siyang lumalapit. And when he leveled his head between my thighs, I already knew what he was planning to do.

“Shiloh—”

“Gusto ko, Brent.”

I gasped. The thirst in his eyes was vivid, and I could sense his determination when he looked so ready to taste it raw. Binasa ko ang labi at pumikit. When his lips kissed the tip, I cursed.

I think I manifested my joke yesterday about the head…

The intricate movement of his soft lips blurred all of my senses when he grazed them from the length while his fingers played with my balls.

I grunted when he slightly sucked the tip, swirled his tongue, and licked the length like he was trying to study it thoroughly. And where did he learn this? Kung nalaman kong tinuturuan siya ni Mavric talagang sasakalin ko na ang isang ’yon. Anong klaseng tutorial ang ginawa niya, huh? Pinapanood niya ba ng kabastusan si Shiloh?

“Ayos lang?” bigla niyang tanong.

I forced my squinted eyes open and looked at him weakly. To see his angelic face while holding my throbbing shaft was so sinful. How on earth, Shiloh?

“So this is a graded performance?” namamaos kong tanong at natawa ng bahagya.

He laughed and licked it again. I gasped and shut my eyes while licking my lower lip. Fuck! I can’t…fuck it!

He was now giving me a head, and damn it! I could literally feel why they call it heaven! I pulled him before it was too late.

“Let me rub, please,” halos magmakaawa ako.

“Kaya ko, Brent.”

“What do you…”

He took my hand and sucked my two fingers until he guided it somewhere. He squinted his eyes when he controlled my hand by pushing it.

He looked hurt, but at the same time, I could sense how he wanted to find pleasure in it. He was hovering over me while I moved my fingers. I thumbed the tip of his throbbing shaft as he shut his eyes and whimpered weakly against my neck.

It wasn’t the first time we had done this. But it seems like Shiloh has something more in his mind than his fingers.

“You want it inside you?” I asked hoarsely.

Tumango si Shiloh at nanghihina ang tingin sa akin. I was already in so much heat that even his horny face turned me on.

So I took my fingers out, directed the tip, and slowly pushed it in. His lips parted. I shoved my tongue in and pushed it a bit again, which made him whimper.

“I’ll pull out. You seem so hurt—Fuck!”

My curse mingled with his shout when he suddenly pushed it in. It was always his determination that sometimes shocked me. I want to be gentle with him, but this shorty was the aggressive one.

“Kung hindi ka gagalaw, pwede namang ako ang gagalaw,” he said in the middle of his pained expression.

I laughed and put my hands at the sides of his waist.

“You are saying that when you seem hurt, Shiloh?”

He arched his brow and started moving. He winced in pain, but he was determined to make a point.

There was something inside him that felt addicting because of the warmth. Titig na titig siya roon habang tinititigan ko siya at bahagyang gumalaw.

His eyes were pleading. His lips parted. And he looked so pleasured that it turned me on even more.

“Tell me if it would hurt, alright?”

Bago pa siya makatango, ibinaliktad ko na ang posisyon namin at may pananabik ko iyong ibinaon. He gasped and shut his eyes. I slowly pulled, grunted a bit, and pushed it hard, which made him whimper. I know there’s a spot there that’s pleasurable, so I slowly pulled again and pushed it roughly to the point that he screamed. There you go.

I kneeled against the mattress of the bed and held the sides of his waist as I controlled it so I could hit it continuously.

All I could see was the pleasure etched on his face while I rammed it hard. He rested his elbows to give me more access to his body while his other hand reached for my shoulder until he firmly held on to my nape.

Ngumisi ako dahil parang naghahanap siya ng makakapitan. I pulled him toward me until he sat completely on my lap, and I controlled it.

I really snapped this time. And fuck it, I don’t think I could stop right now with just one round. To see him enjoying it, to hear his addictive moan, to feel his fingers dugging against my skin, to be bit by him against my shoulder, it was pure ecstasy.

I haven’t really treated sex as being this romantic, but it is on another level when it involves raw emotions. When you wanted to pleasure him so badly that hearing him beg you to go hard was so addicting.

I wrapped my hand on his shaft and made some strokes as it mingled with my movement that he needed to hug me. I kissed and sucked his earlobe until his legs started shaking. I grunted when seconds later, I joined him too.

Damn… that was mindblowing. Oh damn…

“Let’s wash up?” bulong ko.

“Pagod na ako. Next time na sa banyo,” he complained, burying his face against my neck.

Humagalpak ako. “Shiloh, I meant a real bath.”

Nakita ko ang namula niyang tainga. Tumawa akong muli at kinarga siya at nahihiyang itinago ang mukha sa aking leeg. Adik ’to sa akin. Ayaw lang umamin kahit minsan nahahalata ko na.

Ah…right? I am his crush.

When he said he was already tired, nakakagulat dahil noong nasa banyo na kami, siya pa ang naunang sumunggab. Akala ko ba pagod na? But I didn’t complain. It was kind of fun and romantic while doing it with him because I found his spot, and I could now tease him while he was shouting and begging for it that on the next day, he would be excited to join me bathing just for the things I could do to him.

“Kakalaba lang noong bedsheet! Huwag na dito!” natatawa niyang reklamo nang pagkatapos naming maligo, heto na naman ako sa ibabaw niya at hinahalik-halikan siya.

“Why? Who does the laundry? Ikaw?” I teased in the middle of kissing him.

He laughed against my mouth when the doorbell rang. Kumunot ang noo ko at tiningnan ang side table para makita kung anong oras na. The boys? The girls? Oh…shit.

Mabilis ang balikwas ko na kahit si Shiloh ay natatarantang tumayo. He seems to have an idea who it was.

Lumabas ako sa kwarto at binuksan ang pinto. My mother, in her worried expression, materialized in front of me with only one luggage.

“Mom…” I called nervously.

Her eyes sparkled. Before I could say anything, he pulled my nape and hugged me. Kumunot ang noo ko habang hawak pa ang doorknob at hindi alam ang gagawin.

“You’re here…” I whispered.

Tumango siya. “I want to talk with you in personal about what you just said so I can hug you, Brent…”

I froze and swallowed hard. She sighed heavily and hugged me tighter.

“Since when? I told you to always tell me things. Hindi ba’t nag-usap na tayo diyan anak? Na lahat…sasabihin mo sa akin? You think I will judge you?”

Umiling ako. “No…I’m just…trying to…” Mas lalong nagkasalubong ang kilay ko nang humingos siya.

“Mom…” tawag ko at hinaplos ang likod niya.

Humiwalay siya sa akin at nakita ko ang kislap ng luha habang natatawa niya iyong pinalis.

“I’m just proud of you. I didn’t realize you’re this big already to decide the things on your own. And thank you, Brent. Thank you for trusting me. It meant a lot to hear this from you that you…you are comfortable to share things like this with m-me…” Nanginig ang labi niha at nangingiting hinaplos ang pisngi ko.

Tumitig ako sa kanya. I cannot function now that she is emotional and I am melting under her words.

“I was kind of worried lately kung bakit hindi mo nasasagot ang tawag ko. I was wondering if… maybe you were thinking thoroughly about this because you might not get the support, but Brent, you know me…anak. Hindi ba? I told you…to tell me everything. No matter..no matter how small it is. If it hurts you, if it burdens you, tell me. Because I will carry it for you. I will help you…”

Sumilay ang maliit na ngiti sa aking labi dahil alam ko, kung may hindi man tatalikod sa akin, siya iyon. She is so open that I grew up being comfortable with her that communication is enough to discipline me so I would understand things on a deeper level. Na hindi ko kailangan ng dahas kung nagkamali ako at sapat lang iyong nagsisi ako, humingi ng tawad, at nangakong hindi na uulitin.

She was always gentle. And now that I am more proud to say who I am, her warm support is the most gentle thing that has embraced me.

I crouched and hugged her again.

“Love you so much, mom…” I kissed the side of her head.

Ngunit ilang sandali lang, kumawala siya at hinampas ako sa dibdib.

“At bakit si Shiloh?!” And she suddenly turned into a tiger that made my shoulder jumped a bit.

Mabilis siyang pumasok at mapaghanap ang tingin. Lumingon ako at nakita si Shiloh na nagtatago sa siwang ng pinto, mabilis na lumabas at nahihiyang tumayo habang lumalapit si Mommy sa kanya.

I smiled and pulled her luggage into our unit as she embraced him. Narinig ko agad ang hikbi ni Shiloh, na para bang nagsusumbong siya dahil matagal nang inaapi dito.

Nailing ako lalo na’t madrama din si Mommy. But the smile on my lips didn’t vanish as I heard her hushing him and caressing his back gently.

“Anong iniiyak-iyak mo? Anong ginawa ng anak ko?” she asked in a soft voice.

“Ikaw ang nagpaiyak. He thought you would abandon me when you turned off the call,” I chuckled and crossed my arms.

“Oh! I’m sorry! Nagulat lang ako! Hindi ganoon ’yon, Shiloh! Bakit hindi ko kayo matatanggap eh bata ka pa lang, gustong gusto na kita bilang anak ko?” At lumabas din mismo sa bibig niya na ako ang sampid dito.

Shiloh didn’t say anything, but you could hear his sobs. Naluluha akong nilingon ni Mommy, pinaningkitan ako ng mata na parang kasalanan ko iyon, at noong ibinalik kay Shiloh, malambot niyang tiningnan at inalu.

Ganito siya ka takot na talikuran na naman siya. Na may mawawala na naman sa kanya. I can’t imagine how traumatized he was to feel so emotional that he thought he’d be neglected again.

But no. If there were someone who would accept him, I would be the first person to do it. And he would never be alone anymore. He’s not alone anymore…

“Tumawag din si dad kahapon,” sabi ko habang nakaupo na si mommy at inilapag ko ang juice sa harap nila habang nasa tabi siya ni Shiloh na medyo namumula ang mga mata.

“Sinabi mo rin ba sa kanya?” si Mommy na tiningnan ako.

Tumango ako. “Yup. He’s cool with it, too.”

“Brent. Your Tito Greg is—”

“Yes, Dad told me.”

She sighed and glanced at Shiloh again. Nagsalin ako ng juice sa baso at itinulak iyon patungo kay Shiloh. Tumingin si Mommy doon at kinuha iyon sabay bigay sa kanya.

“Ito ba ang rason kaya ka inilagay ni Solene dito sa Manila?” she asked carefully.

Tahimik na tumango si Shiloh. Nakita ko ang pag-aalala sa mukha ni mommy.

“Ayaw mo daw sa fixed marriage, hindi ba?”

Tumingin si Shiloh sa akin. Kumunot ang noo ko.

“What fixed marriage?” tanong ko.

“Chinese things, Brent,” si Mommy na sinenyasan akong huwag nang magtanong.

“Si Shiloh?” agap ko, kuryoso.

Tumango si Mommy pero nanatili ang tingin kay Shiloh.

“Alam niya ba? Sinabi mo ba?” maingat na tanong ni Mommy.

Tahimik na yumuko si Shiloh.

“Tinakot mo ang mommy mo. Shiloh…alam ko na wala ako sa posisyon na magsabi nito, pero…”

Hinawakan niya agad ang kamay ni Mommy at medyo nagpanic sabay tingin sa akin. What the? My mother sighed and glanced at me too.

“Brent. Lumabas ka nga muna.”

Nalaglag ang panga ko. I pointed at myself. Pinaningkitan ako ng tingin ni Mommy kaya wala akong nagawa kundi pumasok nalang sa kuwarto.

I didn’t close the door, though. It was only enough that they would know I’m inside. Lalo na’t pagkapasok ko, narinig ko agad ang mahinang hikbi ni Shiloh.

“Huwag mo nang uulitin, ha? Magsasabi ka sa akin kung anong problema. O hindi, kay Brent nalang. Marami ang nagmamahal sa’yo, Shiloh. Hindi ko alam kung anong nasabi ni Solene sa’yo, pero huwag mo nang uulitin. Hindi iyon solusyon,” maingat at nag-aalalang payo ni mommy.

“H-Hindi ko na po kasi…alam…kung…anong gagawin ko,” nahihirapan niyang sagot.

Mabigat ang paghinga ni mommy.

“Kaya natutuwa ako kay Brent na sinabi niya sa akin kasi ayokong pagdaanan niyo ito nang kayo lang. Ayokong maramdaman din ng anak ko na may mali sa kanya kaya hindi siya matanggap, o hindi ko kayo matanggap.”

“Sorry po…”

“Bakit ka humihingi ng tawad? Wala kang kasalanan. Hindi ko kayo pagbabawalan, Shiloh. Basta mangako ka sa akin, hindi na ’yon mauulit. Magsasabi ka sa akin.”

“Opo…” Nanginginig ang boses niya.

“Natakot ang mama mo. Nitong mga nakaraan niya lang din binanggit sa akin tungkol sa ginawa mo. Nag-alala lang ako dahil hindi kana rin sumasagot sa tawag.”

I had no idea what my mother was talking about. But to hear how painful Shiloh’s cry was, I don’t think I would be ready to hear it.

“The world is colorful, Shiloh. Yes, heaven might be tempting, but this world has a lot of things to offer, so you would just stay longer. And I want you to stay where you are right now.”

I swallowed hard. The metaphor my mother has used… I understood it.

“If there will be the first person who must embrace yourself, it should be you, Shiloh,” my mother said gently, which made him sob as she pulled him for a hug.

“Just because you think you are different from the majority, that doesn’t mean you are on the wrong path. Hindi mo kailangang makipagsabayan sa kanila para lang matanggap ka. Ikaw dapat ang unang tumanggap sa sarili mo dahil ang mga totoong nagmamahal sa’yo, matatanggap ka nang kusa.”

Shiloh cried in my mother’s arm, like he had been longing to be comforted like that. To be embraced like that.

Pumikit ako at huminga nang malalim. I closed the door fully and went to the bathroom to wipe my face. Nang tiningnan ko ang salamin, pulang pula ang mga mata ko.

I clenched my jaw and put my hands on the side of the sink as I bowed and sighed. How did he face his battle? How did…he survive? Or you almost…you almost gave up, didn’t you?

Mommy seems trying her best not to talk about it anymore and divert the topic. Ilang oras yata silang nagkwentuhan habang binubuksan ni mommy ang bagahe niya at may pinapakitang pasalubong na dinala niya para kay Shiloh.

“And mine?” I asked while I was busy cooking for them.

Sumenyas si mommy na mukhang huwag na akong sumali.

“Sa susunod kana, Brent. Nagmamadali ako kanina. Puro kay Shiloh lang itong nadala ko kasi ito ’yung mga regalo ko na hindi ko naibigay sa kanya.”

Shiloh’s eyes were widening from the gifts that seemed too colorful, such as purple and pink, while they were sparkling because of the glitter. Gusto ko sanang ngumiwi kung ano ang mga iyon pero mukhang gustong gusto niya kasi halos mapunit ang labi niya kakangiti habang nakaluhod doon sa carpet.

He also sprayed the pink perfume with glitter that made the unit smelled sweet. His signature scents.

“Nabanggit kasi ng mama mo na mahilig ka sa ganyan.”

Medyo napawi ang ngiti niya. Mommy pulled more things and gave it to him to distract him. Nagbabatil ako ng itlog dito at parang nakakalimutan na ni Agatha na ako ang anak niya.

“Ito oh! Paborito mong kulay at may glitters din! Mabuti talaga nakadaan ako sa Nike store!”

Shiloh put down the other gifts and smiled widely when he saw the shoes with glitters again.

“Akin mom?” singit ko.

“Sira na ba ang sapatos mo? Parang hindi pa naman, Brent. Pagtiisan mo muna. Sa New Year kana bumili ng bago at manghingi ka sa dad mo,” aniya.

May sasabihin pa sana ako pero pumalakpak na siya nang kasya kay Shiloh ang sapatos. My cute little demon started marching to try it while smiling.

“Heto meron pa dito…” si Mommy na ganadong kinalkal ang bagahe niya.

I think her whole luggage contains gifts for her favorite son without a single gift for me. Once she’s asleep later, I’ll open my gift too. I smirked at my thoughts and continued cooking. Kung nakakabasa ng isip itong si mommy baka may lumipad nang kasangkapan patungo sa akin.

“Niligawan mo anak?” nangingiting tanong ni Mommy nang ilang oras, napagdesisyonan niyang ako naman ang kulitin at siguro naalalang ako pala ang anak niya.

She was behind me, lending a hand but whispering things with a grin on her face.

“I did. B-in-asted nga ako noong hindi pa ako umaamin.”

Namilog ang mga mata niya at humagalpak. “Sinabi mo sana sa akin nang napabango kita. Sinisiraan pa naman kita minsan, Brent. Ang dami kong nakwentong mga baho mo noon kung gaano ka ka babaero…”

And the embarrassing part here is that he saw the evidence of how playboy I am and that it wasn’t just a rumor. Damn it. I shook my head as I adjusted the heat of the stove.

“Tapos tapos?” she curiously peeked her head and leaned a bit, still curious about it.

I shrugged. “I sincerely told him about my feelings and—”

“Ayan! Mambabae ka pa! Kung alam ko lang na si Shiloh ang magpapatino sa’yo, kinupkop ko na sana ’yan.”

Tumawa ako at hinaplos ang batok ko. She went back to the table and conversed with Shiloh playfully while I continued cooking. I could even hear her planning Christmas and how we would spend it together, and then she would fly back to the States with us for New Year.

“Or this Christmas, uwi tayo sa Cebu?” she suggested.

Shiloh seems hesitant, but he slowly nods. Nilagyan ko ng pagkain ang plato niya at ayaw nang makiusyoso dahil ayoko namang emosyonal ang magiging dinner namin.

“Ako ang bahala. Maiintindihan niya. Ipapaintindi ko sa kanya.” My mother assured her.

Tumingin si Shiloh sa akin. Umangat ang kilay ko. Wala kang kawala. Nakahanap ako ngayon ng kakampi. I only smiled innocently and coaxed him to eat.

“Brent naaalala mo pa ba ’yung pumunta tayo sa Cebu? Noong napagkamalan mong babae si Shiloh kasi medyo mahaba ang buhok niya? Baka that time pa lang crush mo na siya?” tukso ni Mommy at natawa.

I really couldn’t remember it. Naalala ko lang na akala ko babae ang anak ni Tita Solene so I’m kind of expecting a girl to live with me in my condo.

“Ikaw Shiloh? Naalala mo pa ba? Bata ka pa no’n eh. Pero pumunta kami ni Brent sa inyo. Isang beses ko nga lang nadala si Brent sa inyo noon at hindi na nakabalik sa inyo…” si Mommy.

Shiloh looked at me again. I tilted my head confusingly when I suddenly realized something.

“You remembered our memories when we were kids?” I asked curiously because of the way his eyes twinkled.

He looked away with a stifled smile on his lips. “Ikaw lang naman ang nakalimot.”

Epilogue

Thank you for reading Between the Rainbow! This is the first BL story I’ve been thinking about since years ago—hoping I could write themes like this. And finally, motivated to push this through, my first BL story is already complete! May this story be an eye-opener to all of us who aren’t fully educated about LGBTQ. I am not trying to stop those who aren’t fans of BL stories, but I hope that if it doesn’t fit into your own liking of romance, just don’t read it.

The timeline of this story will continue in SAC Series #2. May playlist din si Brent at ang SAC series sa Spotify account ko. Just search Julienne Mari! See you in my next BL story!

Trigger Warning: self-harm, suicide ideations, sexual harassment, mention of death, offensive words, and homophobia.

—-

Family

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother—which is the first commandment with a promise—so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

Bumaling si Mama sa akin at ngumiti. Hinaplos niya ang ulo ko. She meant the verse mentioned while we were listening to the mass in the church.

“Importante na makinig lagi sa magulang, Shiloh. Kasi sila ang gagabay sa’yo sa tama,” my mother whispered.

Ngumiti ako at tumango. Bata pa lamang, relihiyoso na ang parents ko. My father died early, so no one needs to look after me except for my mom.

My mother always wants a son. Ipinagdasal niya iyon. Swerte daw kasi sa mga instik ang lalake lalo na’t may lahing chinese si Mama. Ching siya.

Hindi ko tanda ang mga memorya ko kay Papa. Pero palakwento si Lola, ang ina ni Papa, lalo na’t madalas akong bumisita sa farm nila tuwing summer.

Pagkauwi galing simbahan, nakasalubong namin sa daan si Cardi. She is a sophisticated woman who always smiles at me, so I would smile at her back.

“Hello, Shiloh,” she greeted softly.

“Hello po,” bati ko pabalik.

She looked at my mom and bowed a bit to show respect, to which my mom smiled a little before she dragged me to continue walking.

Nilingon ko si Cardi habang suot pa rin ang ngiti ko.

“Mga bakla ngayon mas babae pa sa babae. Di na nakontento sa kung anong bigay ng Diyos sa kanila,” I heard my mother’s disappointed whisper.

Bakla? Anong…bakla?

I brush it off because she seems mad about it. But as the days passed, I would hear the word continuously from the kids around me at the playground.

We were all squatting on the floor while surrounding the butterfly that seemed injured. Hindi makalipad kaya tahimik naming pinanood.

“Hi Cardi!” bati ng mga kaibigan kong batang babae.

Lumingon sa amin si Cardi at ngumiting kumaway. Her round and big cap would always amaze me, even the fancy clothes she wears with those heels. Siya ang masasabi kong isa sa mga magagandang tao rito sa amin dahil mabait din at palapansin.

“Bakla daw siya sabi ni Papa. Iwasan ko daw siya,” bulong ni Ariel, ang lalake kong kaibigan na nasa walong taong gulang katulad ko.

“Anong bakla?” kuryoso kong tanong.

“Hindi mo alam anong bakla?” si Jossie, ang babae kong kaibigan.

I shook my head. I only heard it once from my mom when we passed at Cardi.

“Bakla…parang si Cardi. Bakla,” si Ariel.

“Magandang babae? Parang gano’n?” I clarified.

“Masama daw ang mga bakla eh. Sabi ni Papa,” si Ruther.

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Bakit masama?”

“Kasi lalake dapat sila. Eh lalake si Cardi,” patuloy ni Ruther.

“Lalake si Cardi?” Mas lalo akong nalito.

“Lalake siya noon. Cardo daw ang pangalan niya. Tapos ngayong babae siya, Cardi na,” si Jossie ang nagpaliwanag.

“Hindi naman siya babae. Bakla daw siya sabi ni Papa. Hindi tunay na babae,” si Ariel.

“Masama ba ’yon?” Mas nagkasalubong ang kilay ko.

Tumango si Ariel habang nagkakamot ng ulo ni Ruther, hindi alam ang sagot.

“Oo. Kasi ganito sila.” He gestured while moving his left hand as if it had broken.

“Hindi daw sila tatanggapin sa langit,” bulong ni Ruther.

“Hanggang sa rainbow lang daw sila. Sabi din ni Mama sa akin,” si Jossie.

My eyes were widened by the words. Hindi tatanggapin sa langit. Those things were taught to me at home, even in the church and school. Ang mga taong hindi tinatanggap sa langit ay may nagagawang masama at hindi humihingi ng tawad sa Panginoon.

I was so curious about it. My friends don’t know why they were called bad. So I asked my mother.

“Masama ba ang bakla, ma?”

She froze in her seat. Kita ko ang pagkalito niya at mabilis na pagtingin sa akin.

“Saan mo ’yan napulot?”

“Sa mga kaibigan ko,” sabi ko habang hawak ang kahon kung saan ko inilagay ang hindi makalipad na butterfly.

Noong hindi siya sumagot, pumasok ako sa kuwarto at binuksan ang bintana para doon ilapag ang kahon para makalipad siya agad kung naisipan niya na at hindi siya maapakan doon sa hardin.

“Hindi nakakapasok sa langit ang mga bakla, Shiloh. Walang ganoong ginawa ang Diyos,” si Mama nang umupo na ako para sa tanghalian.

“Edi sino po ang gumawa sa kanila?” I asked curiously.

“Lalake sila. Pero binago nila ang sarili,” si Mama habang nilalagyan ng pagkain ang plato ko.

“Mabait po si Cardi, mama. Hindi po ba iyon sapat para tawagin kang mabuting tao?”

“Kung nagbalik loob siya sa panginoon at tinanggap ng buo ang sarili niya, mapapatawad siya ng Diyos.”

“Hindi po ba tanggap ni Cardi ngayon ang sarili niya?”

My mother seems annoyed by my curiosity.

“Huwag kang gumaya sa kanya. Ang lalake ay lalake. Ang babae ay babae.”

There was a finality in her words; it seems like she doesn’t want me asking about it anymore. But one thing is for sure: they are considered bad by society.

Kumaway muli si Cardi nang makita niya akong nakasandal sa bukas na bintana kinabukasan. I smiled and waved back. How come she was painted as bad when…she’s the most amazing person I know in this subdivision?

“Ikaw Paru, tingin mo masama si Cardi? Hindi naman ah?” I asked my wounded friend, who’s not yet trying to fly.

“Anong nagawang mali ng bakla, Paru? Hindi ko maintindihan. Mabait naman si Cardi. Sabi ni mama, kung mabait ka, mabuti kang tao. ’Yun din ang sinasabi ng pastor…”

My friend didn’t answer and just flapped its wings. I tilted my head boredly while watching Paru try its best to fly again.

“Bakit ka nga pala na injured? May nakaaway ka siguro? Basagulero ka ba, Paru?”

The butterfly flapped its wings again. “Sige ganyan. Kaya mo ’yan… Tapos huwag kanang nakikipag-away ha. Masama ’yon. Hindi ka makakapasok sa langit.”

“Magbihis ka. May bisita tayo. Dadating ang kaibigan ko at ang anak niya,” si Mama kinabukasan.

I nodded cheerfully and ran to the bathroom with my towel. I know whose friend my mother is talking about. Si Tita Agatha. May anak daw ’yung pinag-aaral sa States na Elementary pa lang pero napagpasyahang umuwi at gustong sa Pilipinas nalang magpatuloy.

By six in the evening, a luxurious car went inside our gate while I stood obediently as my mother walked to the door with a smile.

Naunang lumabas ang maputing babae. I gasped. She was porcelain. My eyes drifted to her dress, and I was so interested in looking at it.

They were talking with a smile on their lips. Bumaba ang tingin ko sa heels niya. She seems so sparkling in my eyes that I couldn’t take my eyes off her until a boy taller than me covered my vision.

I looked at him once, but I slowly tilted my head to look at the woman again. Ang ganda niya. Parang…’yung palabas sa TV. ’Yung mga kumakanta sa Disney Channel na prinsesa at nakikipag-usap sa mga hayop.

“You’re pretty,” the boy said while arching his brow at me.

Kumurap ako at napatingin sa kanya. Mukhang narinig iyon ng parents namin lalo na’t natawa ng bahagya si Mama.

“Ay lalake siya, Brent… Medyo hindi ko pa napapagupitan ang buhok kaya humahaba. Summer kasi…”

The boy only arched his brow and looked at me with pure curiosity. Ngayon ko napansin ang ayos niya. He looked snobby. May suot siyang headphone sa leeg at naka hoodie. Summer naman? Kita ko sa kanyang tindig na parang taga ibang bansa siya.

“Ito na ba si Shiloh?” The woman walked toward me and crouched a bit, pushing his son to the side just to properly face me.

My mom encouraged me to introduce myself formally by gesturing.

Tumikhim ako, medyo nahiya ngunit desidido.

“H-Hello po. Ako si Shiloh…Ching…Escarra… Walong taong gulang at…nakatira sa…”

“He’s so cute!” Natatawang tiningala ng babae ang mama ko kaya nahiya akong magpatuloy.

The boy scoffed. “First day of school introduction.”

Hindi ko siya pinansin lalo na’t nangingiting tumingin ulit sa akin.

“Saan ka nakatira, hmm?” she asked in a childish way.

I was so stunned by her small face. Titig na titig ako sa kanya, manghang mangha.

“Nakatira po ako rito sa bahay,” I continued unconsciously while the woman and her son laughed.

Ngumuso ako at tiningnan ulit si Mama, nahihiya dahil baka mali ang ginawa ko. She only nodded to me with a smile, so I bowed my head and pinched my fingers.

“Mahiyain, Solene! Naku…pag naging kalaro ’to ni Brent kawawa ’to sa anak ko.” Natatawang baling sa kanyang anak na ngayon ay isinuot na ang headphone at bagot na pinindot ang phone na hawak.

“Makulit ba si Brent? Mukha nang binata oh! Ilang taon na nga ito?” si Mama nang nagsisipasukan na kami sa sala.

Hawak ni Tita ang pulso ko. Noong umupo siya sa sofa, kinandong niya ako.

“Ah, eleven na. Inuwi ko rito sa Pinas kasi masyadong liberated ’yung mga nagiging kaibigan niya roon sa States! Baka kung ano-anong matutunan nito bata pa lang!”

Natawa si Mama habang nasa kusina na. “Haayan mo na, Agatha.”

“You know his dad, kunsintidor! He doesn’t know how to get mad at Brent! Ako lagi ang sumasakit ang ulo. This kid even knows how to sneak out at night! Kung hindi ko nakita sa cctv kung paano tumakas sa bintana ng kuwarto niya at ginamit ang kotse namin, magugulat ako kung may ibang taong magsasabi sa akin na ganoon ang ginawa ng anak ko! Though I’d think worst because it’s Brent!” ang Mommy niya na natatawa rin sa pagkukwento kahit ramdam ko na nag-aalala siya.

I glanced at her son, who was now boredly crouching on his parted legs while scrolling on his phone. Akala ko ba bawal magka phone ang bata? Iyon ang sabi ni Mama eh. Dapat daw kung high school na ako.

“High school kana?” I asked.

Hindi niya ako narinig. I slowly reach for his headphone and moved it a bit from his ear so he could hear me. Kunot noo siyang bumaling sa akin.

“High school kana?” I asked again.

“Elementary,” he answered.

Kumunot lalo ang noo ko. “Bakit ka may cellphone?”

His thick brows knit too. “You don’t have one?”

Ngumuso ako. Intimidated by the accent of the way he talks, I didn’t answer him. Hinubad niya ang headphone at sumenyas na lumapit sa akin ng kaonti.

I leaned a bit. Ipinasuot niya sa akin ang headphone niya at inilahad sa akin ang phone niya. My eyes widened. My mother is so strict when it comes to gadgets that I can’t believe I just hold a phone!

“Scroll. Choose the songs you like. And then it will play here.” He tapped the headphone.

Scroll…

Nang makita niyang hindi ko alam paano gamitin, pinasadahan niya ng haplos ang screen hanggang gumalaw iyon.

“This one?” He tilted his head and looked at me carefully.

Shy to say no, I nodded. He tapped it until it boomed that my shoulder jumped a bit. He laughed by my reaction and adjusted the volume of the song.

“You like it?” rinig ko ang tanong niya.

Umiling ako kaya namili siya ulit. His mother noticed that we were getting along, so she rested her chin on my shoulder and hugged me.

“Palit nalang kaya kami ng anak ni Tita Solene mo, Brent? Parang mas masunurin ’to kaysa sa’yo…”

Her son rolled his eyes. Nahihiya akong ngumiti habang hinawakan gamit ng dalawang kamay ko ang phone niya at inilapit sa mukha ko para magbasa ng mga naroon habang tumatango tango ako para maka vibe ang kanta.

My mother instructed me to tour him around a bit, or we could play in my room. So I toured him in my room.

“Ito ang kama ko,” turo ko sa kama ko lalo na’t wala naman talagang laman ang kuwarto ko.

“Obviously. Where are your games? Your mom told us to play.” Namulsa niyang iginala ang mga mata.

Gusto niyang maglaro? I ran to the stool I placed near the window and pushed it open. Sinenyasan ko siyang lumapit.

He looked bored when he stood next to me. He’s that tall that he doesn’t need a stool, as his head leveled to me.

“Doon! Doon ako naglalaro! Hindi dito sa kuwarto ko,” I said and pointed at the playground.

He scoffed. “You don’t have games? A PlayStation? Computer? Any gadgets?”

I curiously glanced at him. “Meron ka pang gadgets maliban sa phone mo?”

“Well yeah. Name it. I have it.” He shrugged.

“Kahit…barbie? Mga lutu-lutuan na makukulay?”

“I’m not fond of those toys.”

“Pero sabi mo meron ka lahat.”

“All of the things I like. If I like that, I will have it too.”

Namilog ang mga mata ko. “Di ka pagagalitan ng mommy mo?”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Why would she get mad? It’s just a toy. It won’t harm me.”

“Pwede mong laruin lahat ng gusto mo?” Nagugulat kong tanong.

Tumalikod siya sa bintana at isinandal ang mga kamay niya roon habang nakabaling sa akin.

“Dad is pretty cool. Mom is quite strict, but she’s not like your…” He raised his brow. “Mom.”

“Huh? Anong meron kay mama?”

“I find it too strict. My mom said being a kid should be fun because once you’re an adult, you might miss your childhood. So she wanted me to experience it instead of regretting that I should have had a lot of fun during those days when I didn’t have too many problems. She said once you’re an adult, you’d worry about so many things…”

Talaga? Bakit parang…hindi naman ganoon?

Dumaan si Cardi na kumaway sa akin kaya nangingiti akong kumaway pabalik. Brent arched his brow.

“Who’s that? She’s pretty.”

“Ah…si Cardi. Pero nalaman ko sa mga kaibigan ko…bakala daw siya.”

“Bakala?” He looked confused.

I tried to recall what it was called when I remembered what Ariel gestured.

“Parang ganito.” Binali ko ang kamay ko. “Bakala.”

He scoffed and barked a laugh. “Ah…bakla.”

I immediately nodded because that’s the term. “Oo bakla!”

Natatawa siyang tumingin sa akin. “You mean gay.”

“Gay?” I tilted my head and looked at him curiously.

“Gay. Bakla. Bading. Those who are attracted to their same gender.”

Mas lalong kumunot ang noo ko. Wala ’to sa school. I have no idea about it. Wala ring natuturo si Mama sa akin dahil ayaw niyang pag-usapan namin ang tungkol sa bakla.

“Pwede pala ’yon?”

Brent nodded. “In Western, I know someone who’s gay.”

“Masama siya?” I asked more.

He laughed again. “Masama? Who told you that being gay is bad?”

“Hindi daw sila…uh…nakakapasok doon.” Itinuro ko ang langit.

Tiningnan iyon ni Brent saglit ngunit ibinalik din sa akin.

“My mother said gays are actually an art. It’s like you are trying to express your true colors by showing it. We were born naturally without deciding what color we wanted, like pink for the girls and blue for the boys. It’s something we couldn’t change. But my mom said gays aren’t just the blue and pink; gays are colorful because they could be everything they wanted freely. And there’s nothing wrong if you wanted to express yourself. It’s like a human art.”

Art.

“So what do you do here in your boring…little room?” Saka niya muling tiningnan ang kuwarto ko.

“Natutulog?” I answered honestly.

He rolled his eyes. “You’re no fun. Geez…” Nailing siya at nilabas pabalik ang phone niya.

“Here, lemme show you some games you could play.”

My mother doesn’t let me play games. Libro lagi ang mga pinapahawak niya sa akin sa bahay lalo na’t gusto niyang aralin ko ang lenggwahe ng Chinese para makausap ko ang mga pinsan ko. Kaya ngayong pinapahawak ako ng phone na may mga klase-klaseng games, namamangha ako.

“This is how it works. Just place your finger here so the car will run.” Ipinahawak niya iyon sa akin sa paraang matututo ako.

I was so invested in it that he taught me for an hour until I could hold it alone without his help. I was so loudly playing that Mom would knock and open the door to check on us with a worried expression.

Kaya noong umalis sila noong sumapit ang gabi, medyo nalungkot ako. I looked at Brent with hopeful eyes, hoping that he would come back. He waved his hand a bit, so I waved back.

Babalik ka, hindi ba?

“Mama? Pwede rin ba akong may phone? ’Yung may games?” I asked my mom the next day.

“Shiloh. Anong sabi ko sa phone? At isa pa, aaralin mo pa ’yung chinese book mo hindi ba?”

“Sabi ni Brent sa akin, boring daw ang kuwarto ko.”

Umiling agad si Mama. “Laking States lang ’yon at spoiled brat kaya nakukuha ang gusto. Mali ’yon.”

My mother doesn’t want me to have a phone. Noong birthday ko, ang tangi kong hiling ata ay magkaphone para maka download ako ng games.

My mother soon gave up when I wanted some games, at least. Dinala niya ako sa mall habang nasa isang toy store kami. Hawak niya ang kamay ko at kumikinang ang tingin ko sa mga naka display na makukulay na Barbie doll at mga lutu-lutuan. Most of them were pink and purple. Kumikinang pa sila.

“Mama!” I excitedly pointed at the doll I wanted because it was pretty and colorful. I’ve seen my friends play with toys like that, so in order to join them, I wanted to have one too.

Ngunit nang makita ang kunot-noong tingin ni Mama sa laruang gusto ko, unti-unting napawi ang ngiti ko.

“Pambabae ’yan, Shiloh.”

Pambabae?

Muli ko iyong tiningnan at nilingon si Mama. “Bawal ba ’yan sa lalake, mama?”

“Bakit ka maglalaro niyan? Makukutya ka. Gusto mo ba ’yon? Mabubully ka dahil naglalaro ka ng Barbie doll?”

Mabubully ako pag naglalaro niyan? But…why?

“Halika. Ito ang sa’yo.” She pulled me to the cars and guns, which I found too plain because they weren’t that colorful. Muli kong nilingon ang Barbie doll at mga lutu-lutuan.

“Kahit ’yung lalake na Barbie, mama?” mahina kong tanong, nagbabakasakaling pwede iyon sa akin total lalake naman siya.

My mother sighed. “Pambabae ’yan, Shiloh. Ito ang para sa’yo. Ito ang para sa lalake na katulad mo. Kaya pumili kana at magg-grocery pa tayo.”

Hindi iyon nawala sa isip ko. Hindi ko iyon pwedeng laruin kasi para lang daw sa babae. I wanted it because it’s colorful. But I didn’t know that…it wasn’t for me. Ano bang epekto noon pag naglaro ako ng Barbie?

“’Yung kapatid kong lalake, ang nilalaro niya mga baril din eh. Tapos mga kotse,” ang kaibigan kong si Kelly habang abala siyang suklayin ang buhok ng Barbie niya nang lumabas ako at nakipaglaro sa kanila sa playground.

“Hindi din siya pinapayagan ng mama niyo na maglaro niyan?” Tingin ko sa hawak niyang Barbie doll, gusto iyong hawakan, ngunit natatakot na baka mabully ako katulad ng sabi ni mama.

“Tinutukso siya ni papa na pag humawak daw siya ng Barbie, magiging bakla siya. Kaya ayaw niya.”

Tinutukso. Nabubully pala talaga pag humahawak ka ng Barbie tapos lalake ka? Pero laruan naman ’yon ah? Anong mali doon?

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa Barbie doll na hawak niya. Edi malalaro ko lang ’yan pag babae ako? Pero paano ’yon? Lalake ako. Hindi na siya pwede sa akin?

“Anong gusto mong regalo, Shiloh?” my grandma asked on my upcoming tenth birthday.

I suddenly remembered the pink and purple toys I haven’t gotten because my mother said they weren’t for me.

“La… Ayos lang ba kung… ano…” Nahiya agad ako dahil alam ko, mapapagalitan ako pag may hinangad akong hindi pwede sa akin.

“Ano?”

I stopped my words. Bawal naman ’yon sa akin. Kahit ang mga kaibigan ko, alam din iyon. Lahat alam iyon na bawal. Kaya baka…pag sinabi ko kay lola, mapagalitan lang ako.

“Ano ’yan? Sige na. Bibilhin ’yan ni lola para sa’yo.”

Umiling ako. “Huwag na, la. Bawal kasi ’yon sa akin. Pambabae daw ’yon. S-Sabi nila mabubully daw ako pag…nilaro ko ang ganoon.”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Anong laruan ba ’yan? Kung hindi akma sa edad mo, hindi ko ’yan bibilhin, Shiloh. Kaya sabihin mo nang nalaman ko kung pwede ba o hindi.”

I pinched my fingers. I was nervous. The first time I said it, my mother scolded me.

“Gadgets ba? Pwede naman kitang bilhan nang ganyan kaso may limit, Shiloh. Ang katulad mo, mas maganda kung hindi nalululong sa gadgets. Pero kung mangangako kang hindi mo aabusuhin, bibilhan ka ni lola.”

Umiling agad ako. I know I can have my own gadgets once I’m in high school. But…there were things that I couldn’t have because I would be questioned for using it. Even when I’m in high school, I could still not have it.

“Ano la… ’yung mga nilalaro ng mga babae? ’Yung mga… Barbie? Mga lutu-lutuan? Tapos ’yung mga glitters? ’Yung pink, purple…”

Napangiti siya at humalakhak. I pursed my lips and swallowed hard. Yumuko ako sa takot na baka, tutuksuhin niya ako. I would be bullied for liking things that weren’t right for my gender.

“’Yan lang naman pala! Akala ko kung ano na!” si Lola na tawang tawa. “O siya…bibilhan kita. Ganyan naman pala ka liit na bagay ang gusto mo. Kayang kaya ko ’yang ibigay sa’yo.”

Mabilis na umahon ang ulo ko. Sa sobrang gulat ko, napatayo ako.

“Talaga, la?!”

“Oo naman, Shiloh. Bibilhan kita noon.”

I was so happy that I am looking forward to my birthday because she promised. Kaya noong bumisita si Lola sa bahay, pagkatapos ng birthday party ko, iyon na ang laman ng isip ko.

“Buksan mo na,” my grandma encouraged.

I nodded and unwrapped it excitedly as I sat on the floor while my mother was looking at me as well, sipping her tea.

Isang punit ko pa lang, nang makita ang gustong gusto ko, mga maliliit na manika at may lutu-lutuan na rin doon, namilog ang mga mata ko. I stood and jumped while running to my grandma just to hug her.

Tumawa si Lola at niyakap ako pabalik. But then, when I glanced at my own gift and saw my mother curiously unwrapping it, my smile vanished.

“Ma… Pambabae ’to.” She sighed aggressively as if my grandma had done something offensive.

Natatawang tumingin si Lola sa akin. “Sus Solene, hindi mo ba nakita kung gaano ka saya ang anak mo? Hayaan mo na. Laruan lang naman ’yan. Kung gusto ni Shiloh, huwag nating pagbawalan—”

“Ma. Madadala niya ’yan hanggang lumaki siya. Kung bata pa lang hindi na natin siya winasto, iisipin niyang babae siya. Lalake siya, ma.”

My shoulder loosened. Kahit si lola, napawi ang ngiti.

“Solene, pambata na laruan lang ’yan—”

“Ma! Hindi bakla ang anak ko! Lalake siya!” giit ni mama at galit na galit.

My eyes were so widened by her intense voice that my eyes watered.

“Shiloh! Pumasok ka sa kwarto mo!” She looked at me with a hint of anger.

My lips quivered as I slowly took my hands off my grandma’s shoulder. Kakatayo ko pa lang, nagbagsakan agad ang luha ko.

“Hindi ba’t sinabi ko sa’yo na pambabae ’yan? Hindi ka ba nakikinig?” she said strictly.

I clutched the tip of my t-shirt and bowed as I cried slowly. Sunod sunod ang hikbi ko habang tinitingnan ang laruang hindi ko pwedeng laruin dahil lalake ako.

“Solene!” si lola na tumayo na.

“Pumunta ka sa kwarto mo!” si mama na itinuro ang pinto ng kuwarto ko.

I slowly stepped toward my room with my shoulders rocking.

“Solene, ano ka ba! Walang mali sa laruan—”

“Ma! Tinuturuan mo ng kabaklaan ang anak ko! Hindi ko ’yan makukunsinti!”

“Anong kabaklaan, Solene? Laruan lang ’yan! Mahilig ang anak mo sa makukulay kaya nagkainteresan niya. Hindi naman niya gusto dahil pambabae. At ano ka ba, kailangan mo ba talagang pagbawalan ang anak mo sa bagay na iyan? Mas makukwestyon ni Shiloh ang sarili niya kung bakit nahihilig siya sa pambabae. Hayaan mong laruin niya ang mga bagay nang hindi sinasabi sa kanya na para lang sa babae iyan!”

I couldn’t have the things I wanted. Birthday na birthday ko, umiiyak ako. Tahimik akong sumandal sa bintana noon at tiningala ang langit kung bakit hindi iyon pwede sa akin.

Pwede bang babae ako saglit? Tapos lalake na ako bukas? Para kahit sa isang araw lang, malaya kong magamit ang mga bagay na ganoon?

It’s frustrating. Kung masama ’yon sa akin, bakit binili ni lola? Bakit pakiramdam ko, pwede ko naman laruin? Alam ni lola kung nakakasama sa akin o hindi. Pero binili niya. Binigay niya. Ibig sabihin, pwede sa akin at hindi nakakasama. Pero bakit…bakit sabi ni mama…bakit sabi ng ibang tao…ng mga kaibigan ko…hindi pwede kasi mabubully ako? Hindi ko maintindihan. Sino ba ang tama?

Tumatak na iyon sa isip ko. Ayaw ko nalang ding ipilit kay lola dahil mag-aaway sila ni mama lalo na’t ang regalo niya, itinago ni mama.

I told my grandma that it’s fine. Naiintindihan ko na bawal sa akin. At hindi ko na ipipilit. Ayokong magalit si mama at awayin din si lola.

But every time I would open my books and see some colorful things, it would always remind me of my favorites. About the things that I couldn’t get because I’m a boy.

At habang lumalaki ako, mas nagiging malinaw sa akin. At lagi kong pinapaalala sa akin na lalake ako. Na bawal ako sa makukulay dahil pambabae iyon.

“Shiloh, may ballpen ka? Pahiram nga ako,” si Ritz na kaklase ko.

Tumango ako at mabilis na binuksan ang bag ko. I took some of my pen and gave it to him.

“Ano ba ’yan? Bakit purple? Para naman akong bakla nito,” he pointed out and scratched his head.

But then he still used it. He used it. Iyon ang napapansin ko sa mga lalake. They would still use things, but complain that it’s like they were gay for using it.

Naalala ko tuloy si mama. Siguro…sa bahay nila, pinagsasabihan din sila na kabaklaan ang ganoon? Because why would they question something if no one corrected them that it was wrong?

“Ayos lang ’yan. Sabi ng lola ko malaya mo namang gamitin ang isang bagay kahit hindi akma sa kasarian mo.”

“Huh? Para mo na ring sinabi sa akin na magnapkin ako kahit lalake ako?” he laughed.

Tumawa rin ako. “Bobo ka kung magnanapkin ka. Kailangan mo ba?”

Hindi na siya nakipagtalo sa akin at kinamot ang ulo niya.

Now that I am already in high school and I finally got my own phone, the first thing I did was install some game apps. It took me years to experience it. But it was fulfilling.

Hindi na bumabalik ang kaibigan ni Mama sa amin. Kung bumabalik man, mag-isa nalang minsan.

Natataranta akong tumakbo papasok sa bahay nang makitang nakapark ang magarang kotse sa loob. I know they’re here!

Humihingal at nalaglag ko pa ang bag sa sahig sa pagmamadaling mahubad iyon at iginala ang tingin, nakita ko agad ang mama ni Brent na ngumiti sa akin.

“Ang laki na ni Shiloh, Solene! Ang gwapong bata!”

I stood formally and fixed myself as I bowed a bit to show respect.

“Magandang hapon po…” hingal kong bati at yumuko ng kaonti para magbigay galang. “S-Si Brent po?”

“Ay hindi sumama. Nawiwili sa Manila! Naging varsity kasi!”

“Talaga?” my mother conversed.

“Oo Solene. I’m quite worried for that kid! Nagdala ng babae sa bahay! He’s just seventeen! Amoy beer pa!”

Nailing si Mama at tila ba dismayado sa narinig. I felt disappointed as well because I was too excited to show him that I have games on my phone. Or…I have a phone now.

“Sabi nga ng Dad niya, nagbibinata na raw. Thank God he was just being gentleman and took the girl home because she was drunk. Sa sofa naman natulog si Brent kaya medyo nahimasmasan ako pero nakakagulat pa rin.”

Tumawa si Mama at sumimsim sa kanyang tea, ayaw magbigay ng komento doon kahit ramdam ko ang nagsusumigaw na pagkakadismaya niya.

Pinakita ni Tita Agatha sa akin ang picture ni Brent. Namangha ako. It was a photo of him while he’s in his varsity uniform, as he was sitting with his parted legs and holding a ball. Tiningnan ko si Tita Agatha na abalang nakipagkwentuhan kay mama kaya z-in-oom in ko iyon.

He looked so mature…and hot. Noon, sa mama niya ako namamangha kasi ang ganda ni tita. Ngayon ko lang napagtanto na talagang gwapo si Brent. At sa pilyo ng ngiti niya, alam mo na maraming babaeng nababaliw sa kanya.

Tumingin ako sa piercing niya sa kanang tainga na kuminang.

“So hindi na siya mahilig sa games? Sa babae na? Bago niya bang games?” I scoffed unbelievably nang pumasok ako sa kuwarto at padarag na itinapon ang bag sa aking kama.

I was disappointed by the news that he didn’t go with his mother because he would rather…be with the girls.

Siguro dahil naalala niyang boring ang kuwarto ko. At wala akong phone. Pero meron na akong phone!

“Kung sino man ’yang liligawan niya, sana pahirapan siya! O di kaya ay hindi siya magka-girlfriend! Ma basted sana siya!” I said while I was so pissed by the news.

Sa mga sumunod na araw, nahanap ko nalang ang sarili ko na nagpalagay din ng piercing nang sa galit ko kay Brent, at hindi matanggal sa isip ko ang picture niya pati ang kanyang earring, sinubukan ko na rin.

It was my admiration for him that bloomed, inspiring me to adopt the things he likes.

I had so much fun in high school because I hadn’t done it during my elementary days. I entered the varsity, played taekwondo and piano—everything that seemed fun, like what Brent told me. Things that I enjoyed.

I was even considered in our school as the most extroverted student because everyone knows me and I have a big circle. Bawat section, kaibigan ko. At sa tuwing dadaan ako, bumabati ang lahat kaya babati rin ako.

I became popular because they say I’m a pretty boy. But in spite of that, I could hear them gossiping about me—or suspecting that I’m…gay.

“Uso sa chinese ang fixed marriage, Shiloh. Pero maganda naman siya, hindi ba? Kikilalanin niyo naman ang isa’t isa,” si mama nang nasa gatherings kami ng mga Ching.

Unti-unti kong napagtanto kung bakit ako inihahanda ni mama simula bata pa lamang ako tungkol sa tradisyon ng mga chinese. Para matanggap siya ulit, ako ang susi noon. Gusto niyang ako ang tumuloy ng hindi niya nagawa noon.

“Tingnan mo, maganda siya, hindi ba?”

I looked at the girl my mom was talking about. I’m a boy, so it was expected to only choose a girl as your partner.

Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit pakiramdam ko, may kakaiba sa akin. O siguro, dala lang na hindi ko malaro laro ang mga gusto ko noon pag hindi ako babae, hanggang ngayon, dala dala ko pa rin.

At ayokong matuksong naiiba ako kung sakaling hindi mga panlalake ang hilig ko. Lalo na’t lumalaki ako, nakikita ko na may mga para lamang sa babae, at meron ding para sa mga lalake.

I was kind of nervous that art, a colorful thing, isn’t allowed for boys either. Lalo na’t bata pa ako, minulat na ako na kahit ang mga kulay ay pambabae at may mga akmang kulay para sa lalake.

“May lalake rin bang nag-aarts?” tanong ko sa kaibigan kong babae.

“Oo naman. Bakit? Arts ang kukunin mong course? Eh magaling ka magdrawing hindi ba?”

“Oo. Kaya arts ang gusto ko.”

Ngumisi si Althea sa akin. “Umamin ka nga, Shiloh. Bakla ka ba?”

Mabilis na namilog ang mga mata ko. Mabilis akong umiling.

“Hindi ah.”

Tumawa siya. “Pansin ko kasi mahilig ka sa makukulay. I mean, sanay lang ako na black, gray, or white ang hilig ng boys. Pero ikaw, pansin ko sa’yo mahilig ka sa purple at pink. O kahit sa glitters.”

I would always be corrected by my likes, even by my friends. And the more I heard it, the more I would question myself.

“Huwag kang maging bakla, Shiloh. Sayang ka. Guwapo ka kaya,” ani Althea.

Hindi naman ako bakla. Ayoko namang maging bakla kasi masama daw ’yon. Sino bang gustong maging bakla kung masama ’yon?

I tried to observe some of the boys at school. They have pretty much everything in common. Mahilig sa basketball. Sa games. At sa babae. Baka kung sakaling nahilig din ako, hindi na nila pag-iisipan ng kung ano ano ang iba kong hilig na parang pambabae?

I was having a hard time identifying my sexuality. But the people around me made me feel like I was the problem for not seeing what I was naturally.

Alam ko naman na lalake ako. I could identify it through my body parts. But what I don’t understand is why they shove it in my throat every time I like things. Can’t people enjoy the things they like without getting corrected that they are only for girls? Or vice versa?

“Anong nangyari kay Greg?” tanong ko nang may pasa siya.

“Nalaman ko na…bakla daw siya. Binugbog ng papa niya,” ani Coleen.

I don’t get it. The parents—especially the fathers—show violence as one of the disciplines to make a boy straight because being gay is bad. But…physical abuse is bad too. Mas masama ba ang pagiging bakla, na ang pambubogbog ay nakikitang parte lamang ng pagdidisiplina, kaysa sa taong gustong yakapin kung sino siya?

Doon ko mas lalong nakita kung gaano ka pangit ang tingin ng mundo sa mga bakla. The physical abuse is considered right, while being gay is considered sinful.

“Thank you, La!” On my seventeenth birthday, my grandma gifted me an expensive perfume with a scent of strawberry!

I love the packaging. It’s pink! Ang sabi ko kay Lola, ayos lang sa akin kahit ano. But I didn’t expect she would really come up with things that I am not kind of proud of to wear because I would be questioned by using them.

“Kaso baka hindi ko ito magamit, la. Ang dami kasing sinasabi ng iba kong mga kaibigan at kaklase. Sikat na ako sa school at pinaghihinalaang bakla,” sumbong ko ngunit idinaan sa tawa.

“O anong masama doon? Kung bakla ka nga, anong masama doon?”

Nagulat ako sa sinabi ni Lola. Iniwan niya ang ginagawa niya sa lamesa at umupo sa harap ko. Hinawakan niya ang mga pisngi ko at ngumiti ng marahan sa akin.

“Shiloh, walang may karapatang pagbawalan ka kung ano man ang gusto mo. Walang masama kung bakla ka. Walang masama kung ang mga hilig mo ay pambabae at lalake ka. Walang masama kung naiiba ka sa nakasanayan ng mga lalake. Ang masama rito ay sila dahil kinukwestyon nila ang isang bagay na hindi na dapat nila pinapakialaman.”

It was always her gentle reminder that I could say, I’m still lucky I have her.

“Kaya kung hilig mo ’yung hilig ng mga babae, ayos lang ’yan. Huwag mong pagbawalan ang sarili mo dahil lang lalake ka. Kung kukutyain ka nilang bakla ka, hayaan mo sila. Hindi dapat hadlang ang kasarian ng isang tao para malaya mong magamit ang isang bagay. Kung may pupuna sa’yo, sa susunod, sa halip na ikaw ang mahiya, sila ang iwasto mo. Na ganyan ang hilig mo, at walang mali roon.”

I giggled and hugged her. She sighed and caressed my back.

Sa tuwing may gatherings ang mga Ching, abot-abot ang kaba ko dahil madalas akong nakakakuha ng atensyon.

“He’s not a pure Chinese,” rinig ko ang sabi ni Ahma sa nakuryusong mag-asawa sa akin.

Their daughter looked at me with hopeful eyes. I smiled a little, so she blushed and looked away.

Alam ko ang gusto ni Mama. He wanted me to practice the culture of the Chinese and pay respect to them. She was trying to let me own her dreams; she failed to get them in the past by marrying my father instead.

Naiintindihan ko lahat ng mga bulungan nila. They were mocking my mother for choosing a man who wasn’t a pure-blood Chinese. My mom was doing her best to make me look presentable in the eyes of her relatives, especially her Ahma, whom she wanted to impress so badly.

Pero ayaw nila sa akin. Kasi hindi ako pure Chinese. Hindi ko dala dala ang Ching na apelyido.

I could hear all of it, and I understood each word because, all my life, I’ve been trained by their culture in order to fit in. And I would only smile at their mocking, pretending I couldn’t understand Mandarin. Kahit alam ko, wala akong kwenta sa kanila.

I could hear how my mother pleaded to give her son a chance, at least in her mandarin language, while talking to her mother, my other lola, who’s a bit hostile to me because I was the product of my mom’s disobedience to the man whom she doesn’t like for my mother.

“Kung hindi mo ako sinuway noon bilang ina mo, wala ka sana sa sitwasyong ito, Solene. Tingnan mo ang kalagayan niyo ng anak mo. Iniwan din kayo. Malaking mana sana ang makukuha ng magiging anak mo ngayon kung nagpakasal ka sa isang Chinese. Kung hindi ka lang nabulag sa pagmamahal at sinunod ang tradisyon ng pamilya natin.”

Those words were translated like that. At nagsisisi ako kung bakit buong kabataan ko, inaral ko ang mundong hindi pala para sa akin. Ang mundong hindi pala ako tatanggapin.

All my life, my mom molded me strictly to be part of the Chinese world. Sinupurtahan ko iyon. Ayos lang sa akin kahit buong kabataan ko, puro ganoon.

Pero bakit…hindi ako matanggap? Bakit…parang may mali sa akin?

I bowed while my lips were quivering as I tried to pinch my fingers. Sino ba ako? Bakit…hindi ako tinatanggap?

“Pwede namang dalhin ni Shiloh ang apelyido ko, Ahma,” rinig ko si Mama na mukhang pursigido.

I would be set up on fixed marriage too to continue the tradition of the Ching.

Naiintindihan ko ang kagustuhan ni mama na isiksik ang sarili pabalik sa mga Ching ngayong wala na si Papa. But to change my surname? To let me carry her surname instead? Nasaan na si Papa sa buhay ko kung magpapalit ako kung ganoon?

“Ayoko pong magpalit ng apelyido, lola,” iyak ko sa aking lola nang hinayaan ako ni mama na bumisita pansamantala.

She ruffled my hair worriedly while I hugged her waist as I buried my face on her lap.

“Wala na nga si Papa…pati ba sa buhay ko…ang tanging iniwan niya sa akin…aalisin ko pa?” hikbi ko.

And to my Lola’s disappointment, she confronted my mother too.

“Ma! Para iyon kay Shiloh!” si Mama na nakipagtalo kay lola nang malaman ang plano niyang baguhin ang dala dala kong apelyido.

“Solene naririnig mo ba ang sarili mo?! Para sa anak mo, o para sa’yo?!”

“Ma! Wala na si Andrew! Anong gusto mo?! Anong gusto mong gawin ko lalo na’t mag-isa kong tinataguyod ang anak ko?! Mas magiging maganda ang kinabukasan ni Shiloh kung Ching siya!”

“Natanong mo ba sa anak mo kung gusto niya ’yang gusto mo?”

“Alam na ni Shiloh na para ito sa nakakabuti sa kanya—”

“Solene! Pakinggan mo ang anak mo!” my lola argued desperately.

“Ma! Walang sinasabi si Shiloh sa akin—”

“Dahil hindi ka nagtatanong sa kanya! Dahil pinipilit mo siya sa mga gusto mo! Bata pa lang si Shiloh, hinigpitan mo na! Ngayong lumalaki, hindi mo man lang ba hahayaang magdesisyon siya para sa sarili niya? Oo Sol, anak mo siya, pero hindi kasama roon na pati ang buhay niya, ikaw na ang magdedesisyon kung paano siya mamuhay…” The strain on my lola’s voice told me that she was almost close to crying.

Natahimik si Mama. Sinilip ko siya sa siwang ng pinto at nakita ang galit sa mukha niya.

“Ina ka niya, Solene. Tama na gabayan mo siya. Pero dadating ang araw na magkakasariling buhay si Shiloh. Hayaan mo siyang magkaroon ng sarili niyang desisyon.”

“G-Ginagawa ko ang lahat para maging mabuting ina sa kanya, ma! Wala akong hinahangad na masama! Ako ang ina niya kaya alam ko kung ano ang mas nararapat sa kanya—”

“Sinisiksik mo sa kanya ang pangarap mo! Tinatanggalan mo siya ng karapatang mangarap para sa sarili niya at gusto mong siya ang bumuo ng pangarap mo! Nakikita mo ba ang mali, Solene?! Kung magkakaanak si Shiloh, gusto mo bang tanggalan niya rin ng karapatan ang anak niyang mangarap at ipatuloy ang pangarap niya sa anak niya dahil iyon ang ginawa mo sa kanya?! Ganoon ba ang gusto mo?!”

Mabilis akong umalis sa pagkakatago para pumigil. Umiling ako kay Lola at naiiyak siyang pinigilan.

“Tama na po…”

Umiling si Lola sa akin. “Sinuportahan ko ang anak ko noong pinakasalan ka niya! Kahit alam ko ang lahi ng mga Chinese! Sinuportahan ko kayong dalawa sa desisyon niyong magpakasal kahit mababali mo ang tradisyon ng pamilya mo dahil sabi mo, masaya ka! P-Pero bakit ganito?! Bakit mo ipinagkakait sa anak mo ang suporta na gusto niya?!”

Nagpunas ng luha si Mama. Sinubukan kong yakapin si Lola para pigilan lalo na’t nanginginig na siya sa galit habang tinuturo si Mama.

“Huwag mong isisi sa anak ko ang panghihinayang mo ngayon! Dahil noong mga panahong iyon, masaya mong pinakasalan ang anak ko! Hindi ka pinilit! Kaya hindi ko matatanggap ngayong gusto mong dalhin ni Shiloh ang apelyido mo para lang itama ng anak mo ang tingin mong pagkakamaling hindi mo itinama noon!”

Humikbi si Mama at nanghihinang umupo. Yumuko ako at isinandal ang ulo sa balikat ni Lola habang tahimik na umiiyak.

“Akala mo hindi ko alam na inaapi lagi si Shiloh ng mga intsik na ’yon! Kung hindi nila tanggap ang apo ko, hindi iyon kawalan ni Shiloh! Hindi mo dapat siya pinapasiksik sa mundong hindi para sa kanya para hindi niya nakukwestyon kung may kulang ba sa kanya! Ikaw…ikaw ang gumagawa ng mga bagay na ipinapangliit ng anak mo!”

“La…” tawag ko at umiling.

“Hangga’t buhay ako, hindi mo mapapakialaman ang apelyidong dala dala ng apo ko, Solene.”

Simula noong pagtatalo nila ni Lola, ramdam ko kung paano lumalayo ang loob ni mama sa kanya. Mag-isa nalang ako minsan na bumibisita sa farm. Wala nalang din akong nakukwento kay Lola dahil ayaw kong mag-alala siya.

I don’t want to be me. Because if I did, they would only use it to hurt me.

Noong first year college na ako, narinig ko sa school na ang mga varsity player ay magcocompete sa mga taga Manila taon taon kaya nagkainteres akong sumali dahil baka…ang team namin ay makakalaban ang team nila Brent.

Maybe that’s another way to see him again, so I joined the basketball team for that reason because I heard it from his mother that he liked it.

I did my best. I tried to learn it when it wasn’t really my sport. Naging normal na sa akin ang natutuksong malambot ngunit pinag-igihan ko hanggang nakapasok.

“Kaklase mo si Coleen hindi ba?” si Ritz nang pumasok ako sa locker room at naroon siya.

“Oo.”

“May boyfriend ba ’yon?” tanong niya habang abalang binubuksan ang kanyang locker room.

Umiling ako habang hinihila niya sa likuran ang t-shirt niya at naghubad. I took my t-shirt out of my body as well and took the varsity uniform out of my locker room while Ritz was roughly wearing his varsity uniform.

“Parang wala…” sabi ko.

Ngumisi siya. “Nice. Ireto mo nga ako. Dalhin mo tuwing practice.”

It was the first time that a man treated me equally without shaming me for being soft—or gay. Overwhelmed by it, niyaya ko agad si Coleen lalo na’t close kami.

Tuwing practice ay nanonood si Coleen. Ritz would always score to introduce himself and talk to her. Nagkakamabutihan sila ngunit mapapansin ko na parang napipilitan minsan si Coleen.

“Bakit mo ako nirereto kay Ritz, Shiloh?” biglang tanong ni Coleen sa akin nang yayain ko siyang muli na manood ng practice.

“Bakit? Hindi ka ba komportable?”

Nagdadalawang isip siya. “Ikaw ang gusto kong panoorin kaya ako nandoon.”

Sikat si Coleen sa mga boys dito. Though she would rather stick to me because, as she said, she finds the other boys aggresive and rough—unlike me.

Pero napapansin ko na…may kakaiba minsan.

“Bakit gusto kang isama ni Coleen sa gala namin? Niyaya ko siya. Pero sasama siya kung sasama ka raw,” mungkahi ni Ritz.

Iyon din ang gusto ni Coleen na pinagbigyan ko lalo na’t pinipilit niya ako. Ngunit habang gumagala kaming tatlo, nakadikit si Coleen sa akin at humawak sa braso ko.

“Taro tayo sa arcade?” bulong niya.

“Ah sige. Sasabihin ko kay Ritz.”

Tumityempo ako kung paano ko sila bibigyan ng oras na sila nalang. Baka nahihiya si Coleen kaya sa tuwing dumidiskarte si Ritz, dumidistansya ako.

Coleen:

Thank you sa time, Shiloh! Gala tayo ulit? Gusto mo bang kasama si Ritz?

Ako:

Kung kumportable ka kay Ritz ayos lang Coleen :)

Coleen:

Baka hindi ka sumama sa akin pag wala si Ritz? Hahahahaha

Ako:

Bakit naman?

Hindi niya iyon sinagot. Ayokong isipin ang laging nakukutya sa akin pag malapit ako sa lalake. Lalo na’t iba si Coleen. Mabait siya sa akin. At hindi niya ako kinukwestyon minsan kaya komportable ako sa kanya.

Dinilaan ko ang labi ko at napagtantong dry iyon. Ayoko namang balatan dahil magagalit si mama pag nakitang dumudugo ulit kaya kinuha ko ang moisturizer sa locker room at naglagay.

“Shiloh,” tawag ni Ritz na kakapasok lamang kasama ang grupo namin.

Nagmamadali kong ibinalik ang moistorizer dahil baka practice na. Ngunit nagulat ako nang bigla akong itinulak paalis ni Ritz sa aking locker room at kinuha ang isinilid kong moisturizer.

“Uy lipstick,” natatawang si Jason nang makita rin iyon.

“Anong shade niyan, Shiloh. Kaya ba makintab lagi ang labi mo?” natatawang si Arron.

“Ritz,” kabado kong lapit at gusto iyong kunin.

Ngunit nagulat ako nang biglang hinila ni Ritz ang kwelyo ng varsity ko at sinuntok ako.

It was a hard blow that I fell on the floor and coughed.

“Nireto-reto mo pa sa akin tapos malalaman kong aahasin mo lang pala ako? At ano…makikita ko ’to ngayon? Bakla ka?” he laughed and toss the moisturizer to me.

“Sinabi ko na sa’yo, dude. Hindi ko nga alam bakit pinapasok ni coach. Dala na rin siguro sa line-up na siya nalang ang medyo mas magagaling sa natitirang pagpipilian,” si Jimuel.

Ritz looked so offended when he pulled my varsity and pinned me to the locker room as my back banged against the metallic wall. Napadaing ako sa sobrang sakit noon.

I was used to getting bullied for my softness by straight men who thought they were more superior than men who seemed soft. Hindi ito ang unang beses…ngunit ito ang masakit dahil naniwala ako, at akala ko, tanggap ako rito dahil sa mga simple naming interaksyon.

I was disrespected by my own team. I was bullied. I was… sexually harrased.

“Tama na!” iyak ko at pinigilan ang paghila ni Arron sa pants ko habang natatawa silang vinivideohan ako.

Galit na galit si Ritz na sinipa ang tiyan ko hanggang maubo ako.

“Gago kang bakla ka. Kung hindi sinabi ni Coleen sa akin, hindi ko malalaman na gusto mo siya?”

I felt dizzy. I could hear them laughing and making fun of me while they were trying to even cup my crotch. I felt it. And I couldn’t stop them. They were eager to see if I was a boy or a girl.

“Malambot, Shiloh! Nasubukan mo na bang magsalsal? O baka gusto mong iba ang gumawa sa’yo?”

I felt so disgusted. It was the lowest of the lows. They touch me without my consent. Binaboy ako. Pinaramdam sa akin na ang mga katulad ko ay kailanman hindi marerespeto ng mga lalakeng kagaya nila.

Na ang mga malalambot—o kung pangalanan nilang bakla, ay walang isang motibo kundi ang magkagusto sa lalake. Na kaya lumalapit sa lalake dahil ganoon ang pagiging bakla.

“Tama na…” iyak ko at halos pumiyok ang aking tinig.

Hinila ni Ritz ang buhok ko hanggang umangat ang aking ulo at yumuko siya.

“Layuan mo si Coleen. Subukan mo ulit akong gaguhin…” saka niya ako marahas na binitiwan.

Natatawa silang lumabas at pinanood pa ang video, na tila normal na katuwaan lang iyon. Na…walang malisya kasi nga, lalake pa rin ako at ayos lang na hawakan.

“Ang kapal ng mukha, akala niya siguro maaagaw niya si Coleen sa’yo, dude…”

“Tsss. I’m three times better than him. Bakla,” rinig ko ang huli nilang usapan bago ako iwan.

And the funny thing is, when tomorrow came, I never heard a single sorry. It was like a normal thing, like how boys would joke around.

Pero hindi. Iba iyon. Hindi ko iyon gusto. Sinuntok ako. Binastos. At…hinipuan. It doesn’t have my consent. And we were not having fun.

“Anong…sinabi mo kay Ritz?” tanong ko kay Coleen.

“Napano ’yang labi mo? Nasuntok ka ba ni Ritz? Patingin nga…” Nag-aalala niyang hinawakan ang labi ko ngunit iniwas ko ang mukha ko.

“Coleen. Anong sinabi mo?”

Bumuntonghininga si Coleen. “Gusto mo ba si Ritz, Shiloh?”

Namilog ang mga mata ko. “Coleen. Straight ako—”

“Sumali ka sa varsity dahil sa kanya, hindi ba? Kaya gustong gusto mo akong dalhin doon lagi para makuha mo ang loob niya? Para makasama mo siya sa mga galaan? Shiloh. Alam ng lahat dito na bakla ka. At…ayoko lang na…patunayan mo sa kanilang tama sila sa bintang nila sa’yo.”

My jaw dropped.

“Shiloh. Gusto kita… At…a-ayoko lang na sumasama ka kila Ritz. Ayoko na…bakla ka.”

I felt betrayed. She ruined my reputation with my teammates for her selfish reasons.

Hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ko. Kung magagalit ba ako, o sisisihin din ang sarili ko dahil may parte sa akin na pakiramdam ko, may kasalanan ako.

Her words triggered Ritz. And Ritz’s reaction was violence. Because he wants to show off who’s more superior between us. And I shouldn’t compete with him.

I distanced myself in spite of the continuous teasing I got. I stayed silent in spite of the rumors that I ruined Coleen and Ritz because I was envious that Ritz likes Coleen, and I like Ritz.

When my lola died on my eighteenth birthday from a disease like my father, I knew that I had lost the only people who really knew me. I lost the only one who understood me…

“Kung buhay lang ’yung lola mo, baka binitay kana patiwarik pag nalaman noong bakla ka,” kantyaw ni Ritz.

It was in the middle of the lecture when I heard what he said at my back.

“O baka nga nagpakamatay ’yon noong malamang bakla pala ang apo niya,” patuloy niya at natawa sa likuran ko.

“Patay na rin kasi ang tatay. Walang maglulublob sa kanya sa drum kaya ayos lang na maging sirena,” isa niya pang kaibigan.

Noong binastos nila ako, nanahimik ako. Hinayaan ko sila at kusang umalis sa varsity. Ngunit ngayong sinasali nila si lola at si papa para patuloy akong kutyain dahil lang may babae siyang hindi makuha kuha na ako ang gusto, alam kong may hangganan ang pagtitimpi ko.

It was a hard punch when he fell to the floor, and the professor saw my rage.

“Your son showed violence during the lecture, and the professor has seen it,” ang guidance councilor nang ipinatawag ang parents namin.

Nakaupo si Ritz sa harap at maangas na namumulsa sa varsity niya. The smug on his face has told me that he knows he’s in the upper hand because this society would always favor men like him.

“Shiloh. Bakit mo ’yon ginawa?” my mother asked.

Pumikit ako dahil nang-iinit ang sulok ng mga mata ko.

“Bakla kasi ’yang anak niyo, ma’am. Alam niyo ba ang rason kaya sumali ’yan sa varsity namin? Kasi gusto ako. At tuwing naliligo kami, nanghahawak ’yan. Kahit ang mga teammates ko, alam ang mga ginagawa ni Shiloh.”

Namilog ang mga mata ko sa bintang ni Ritz. The guidance counselor looked at me with disgust, as if she heard the rumor about me being gay on this campus.

“H-Hindi po—”

“Tanungin natin si Coleen, ’yung kaibigan mong babae? Itatanggi mo talaga Shiloh?” natatawang si Ritz.

“I thought this school was Catholic? Bakit niyo pinapalampas ang ganitong kadumihan!” Mrs. Bautista snapped.

Their decision was based on my gender. Alam ko naman ’yon. They would rather favor the men than side with those victims like me because they’re against the gender everyone has painted me.

“Nakakahiya, Shiloh!” ang agarang naging sabi ni mama pagkauwi namin sa bahay galing sa guidance office.

Pinalis ko ang luha ko habang galit niya akong tiningnan.

“Bakla ka?!”

My cry worsened while my lips trembled so hard as I shook my head.

Hinawakan ni mama ang kanyang ulo at problemadong problemado. Na lahat ng narinig niya roon ay wala lamang sa kanya kumpara sa binibintang sa akin.

“Alam mo ba kung anong klaseng kahihiyan ito sa mga Ching?! Ginagawa ko ang lahat para matanggap ka lang, Shiloh! Tapos dudungisan mo ngayon ang sarili mo?!”

“Ma… hindi…hindi ko sila minolestya. Ako po… Ako ko ang binastos nila—”

“Tingin mo paniniwalaan kita ngayong nalaman kong bakla ka! Ganoon ang gawain ng mga bakla!”

I bowed and cried. Umiling ako.

“Wala ka bang natutunan sa pagsisimba natin tuwing linggo, Shiloh?! Alam mong kasalanan ’yan! Lalake ka!”

I cried achingly. Hindi siya nakikinig sa akin. Ayaw niyang maniwala dahil lamang…ang mga nagugustuhan ko ay parang pambabae.

“Bata ka pa napapansin ko na iyon! Akala mo ba hindi ko alam?! Saan mo ’yan natutunan, Shiloh?! Wala akong itinurong ganyan sa’yo! Dahil ba ’yan sa kakasama mo roon sa mga kaibigan mo?!”

The least thing I expected to turn its back on me was her. But I didn’t know she would mirror them.

“Sinira mo ang buhay mong pinaghirapan kong buohin!” sigaw ni mama.

Even my friends were only making fun of it, thinking it was a small thing because they were insisting I’m gay. They already knew it since day one based on the way I moved, the way I liked things, and the way I reacted.

Kung…ganoon nga ako…bakit pakiramdam ko…parang nakapatay ako?

“Kahit ako rin naman siguro Shiloh maatttract ako sa teammates mo. Nakakabakla kaya sila!” natatawang si Aliya, na tila ba ang kasariang ito ay katatawanan lamang.

“Si Ritz ang crush mo sa kanila, Shiloh?”

It was frustrating because they were taking it so lightly. They were making fun of me like it was just a normal thing to laugh at someone’s insecurity.

“La…kunin niyo na po ako… Ayoko na po rito.” I begged in the middle of the night as I cried harder.

I was kicked out for a selfish reason. I was shamed for being feminine. I was harassed for a petty reason. And I was…abandoned by my own mother because she thought I embarrassed her.

Bakit ba kasi ganito ako? Bakit ang hirap ipakita sa lahat na lalake ako? O matanggap kung sino ako?

I disappointed my mother. I became a shame in our family. I was kicked out. I was sexually harassed. I wasn’t heard that I was the true victim because they would rather separate me from the men, as the head of the school thinks I am the one who has the motive because of the identity they painted against me.

Kinuha ko ang ballpen at papel habang umiiyak nang isinulat ko ang huling habilin para kay mama. It was a suicide note I wanted to leave for her. To…apologize. To…bid goodbye.

One cut, and I wasn’t content, as the loud voices in my head were more painful than the pain I was doing to my wrist. I cut twice. And thrice. When the loud voices didn’t stop, I cut it again as the blood trickled down and fell on the floor.

“Shiloh? Maaga kang matutulog ngayon at—”

My mother froze as soon as he found me holding a cutter, as the blood was already falling down uncontrollably.

Nakita ko ang gulat niya at ang mabilis niyang pagtakbo patungo sa akin. I was too dizzy to even hear the words she said as she yelled and cried. Nawawalan ako ng ulirat habang itinatakbo niya ako sa kotse.

Pabigat ako kay Mama. Kung anak niya ako, mas mapapahiya ko lang siya. Kung buhay pa rin ako, mamarka lang sa ibang tao ang kahihiyan ko. Kung patay na ako, baka…iyon ang unang araw na magiging mabait sila sa akin. Iyon ang unang pagkakataon na…baka…makita nilang nahihirapan na ako. At pagod na ako.

Baka sa unang pagkakataon, iyakan nila ako. Sa unang pagkakataon, simpatya rin ang makukuha ko. At hindi ko na maririnig ang mga kinukwestyon nila sa akin dahil…patay na ako.

Unfortunately, I made it alive. My mother’s swollen eyes told me she never slept a wink just to keep an eye on me.

“Kung dahil ito sa pambubully nila sa’yo, mas mabuting umalis ka dito. Doon ka sa manila mag-aral. Kinausap ko na si Tita Agatha mo. Magsimula ka roon. Walang nakakakilala sa’yo. Walang may alam sa nangyari sa Cebu,” aniya habang iniimpake ang gamit ko sa mga sumunod na araw.

Gustong gusto kong lumaban. Gusto kong ipagtanggol ang sarili ko, at ang karapatan ko. Ngunit paano ako lalaban kung sa mismong harapan ko ay ang taong akala ko kakampi ko sa labang ito?

Tahimik ko siyang pinanood habang umagos ang luha ko. Ramdam ko na desidido si mama.

“Ma…” tawag ko. “Bakit may mali sa akin?”

Natigilan siya.

“Bakit…bakit sabi ni lola…na…wala naman, ma? Pero bakit…bakit pakiramdam ko meron? Ma…hindi ko rin tanggap ang sarili ko…” hikbi ko.

Lumingon si mama sa akin, ang mga mata ay namumula.

“Kung nakikinig ka lang sa akin, kung isinasapuso mo lang ang pagsisimba natin, tingin mo nasa ganyan kang sitwasyon ngayon, Shiloh? Pinapahirapan ka niya dahil sinusuway mo ako,” giit ni mama.

Yumuko ako at pumikit habang nanginginig kong itinakip ang kamay ko sa aking mga mata.

“Kaya ka nila binabastos kasi ganyan ka, Shiloh. Hindi mo ba nakikita kung anong mali rito?” Nabasag ang boses ni mama.

I clutched my hand against my hoodie while I trembled hard.

“Tingnan mo nga ’yang ginawa mo sa sarili mo? Wala kanang Diyos. Hindi ganoon ka laki ang pananampalataya mo na kahit ang sarili mo, nagawa mo nang saktan. Hindi mo ’yan buhay, Shiloh. At kahit ang katawan mo, hindi. Wala kang karapatang baguhin ang ibinigay niya sa’yo.”

Tahimik akong umiyak. I have more faith in him than in myself. So if he would permit it, I hope he would take this life back because I don’t deserve it. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to live like this. A big disappointment.

Kung pwedeng ibalik ko agad ngayon sa kanya ang buhay ko, gagawin ko. Hindi…hindi ko maalagaan ang sarili ko dahil pakiramdam ko, mali ang maging ako.

“Sa susunod niyan, ano nang maiisipan mo? Magdadamit babae kana? Magpaparetoke? Magpapalagay ng dibdib?” Her voice was so raw that anger roared while her disappointment mingled.

“Kung magpapakabakla ka, tingin mo seseryosohin ka ng mga lalake diyan sa tabi tabi, Shiloh? Iiwan ka rin nila dahil hindi ka naman tunay na babae. Wala kang maibibigay na anak sa kanila. Hindi ka mapapakasalanan. At kahiya hiya ang ganoong pagmamahal lalong lalo na sa mata ng Diyos.”

Umiling ako dahil hindi ko naman iyon inaalala. Hindi ko naman pinangarap na may ganoong pagmamahal na mahanap.

“Paano ka magkakapamilya kung bakla ka? Isipin mo nga? Sino ang mag-aalaga sa’yo kung hindi ka magkakaanak? Magiging kawawa ka lang. Magiging mag-isa ka.”

Umiling akong muli. “Hindi ko po g-gustong magkapamilya, ma… A-Ayokong…ganito rin po ang magiging magulang ng mga anak ko…A-Ayokong mapahiya ko sila, ma…” hikbi ko.

“Naririnig mo ba ’yang sarili mo? Nasasabi mo pa ’yan ngayon dahil bata ka pa. Pero lahat ng tao ay doon ang bagsak, Shiloh. Mag-aasawa ang lahat. Magkakaanak. Doon tayo pupunta lahat.”

Umiling akong muli. Ayokong magkaroon ng pamilya dahil ayokong maranasan ng mga magiging anak ko ang ganitong buhay. At ayos lang sa akin kung mag-isa ako.

“Magtino kana doon sa Manila. Atupagin mo ang pag-aaral mo. At huwag mong kalimutang magdasal para makahingi ka ng tawad sa kanya sa ginawa mo.”

It was like I was given a second chance to continue a life that I could control how it would turn out. Kung ayaw kong maulit ang nangyari sa Cebu, hindi dapat ako umasal kung paano ako.

“What are you? A man or a woman? You seemed like a pretty…boy,” si Brent na hawak ang pisngi ko at nasa ibabaw ko ang isang braso.

Mas matangkad siya sa akin ng ilang dangkal. At malaki rin ang kanyang katawan kumpara sa akin. He was a reminder of how superior men act to show off to soft boys like me, who seem to underestimate us.

Nasa akin ang pagbabago. This is my new environment. My lola said there was nothing wrong with me. I am just in the wrong environment, and people are uneducated about me.

Kaya kung ikalawang buhay ko ito, at nasa akin ang pagbabago, I wanted to make a change. I wanted to educate them. I wanted to try to prove that there’s nothing wrong with me.

Ngunit…naaalala ko si Brent kay Ritz sa totoo lang. Natatakot ako sa kanya. Ayoko sa kanya.

Noon, gustong gusto ko siyang makita ulit dahil excited akong ipagmayabang sa kanya na may cellphone na ako at gadgets na may games. Na makakapaglaro na kami. Ngunit napagtanto kong ako lamang ang nanatili roon habang umuusad ang panahon. Ngayon ko lang nakita na napag-iwanan ako dahil ibang iba na siya. At alam ko, ako pa rin iyong dating Shiloh na hinihintay siya.

He was different from my life. Or it reflected my old life. Fun and loud. But the difference is that he wasn’t mocked or shamed. He was praised for his nature.

Para siyang sinasamba ng mga babae at mga nakapaligid sa kanya. All the things he would do will be easily tolerated because he’s manly, hot, and handsome—the perfect embodiment of masculinity.

But imagine if he didn’t act according to his nature. Imagine if he’s soft, gentle, and feminine like me. Will they still glorify him? Will they still…like him?

“What?” Angat ng kilay ni Brent nang titig na titig ako sa kanya at hindi ko namalayang nakatapis lang siya ng tuwalya at kakalabas lang ng banyo habang gumugulo iyon sa isip ko.

“You find me hot? Insecure with my body? You want this body?” he smirked cockily while flexing his biceps.

At dito ako nabibilib sa kanya. Kasi alam niya na hot siya at gwapo, kulang nalang ipa billboard niya ang sarili niya.

Ngumiwi ako. “Bakit ako maiinggit eh ang laki mo nga, ang liit naman ng utak mo.”

His smirk immediately disappeared as he went straight to his room and slammed his door. Ngumuso ako at pinigilan ang ngiti.

Brent is somehow…different.

Noong una, umiiwas ako sa kanya dahil ayoko sa mga kagaya niya. He’s just like Ritz. Malaki ang ulo at pag naapakan ang ego, ginagamit ang pagiging lalake para iangat ang sarili dahil madalas na napupuri at napapaboran.

But Brent…he’s somehow different. He knows what’s wrong and right. He respects someone’s beliefs, and he doesn’t shove his standard into other people’s throats, as he understands that everyone has different views. And no matter the difference, no one is superior. He knows that there were women who were stronger like men. And there were men who are soft like women.

“Playboy pero matino naman,” ani Verena nang mapag-usapan namin si Brent.

Naninigarilyo siya at nakapangalumbaba sa nakaparte niyang hita. Nasa tabi niya ako. Nakasara ang mga hita habang maayos ang upo.

“Gustong gusto ka no’n,” sabi ko.

She scoffed and shook her head. “He’s not my type.”

“Edi…sino?”

Lumingon si Verena sa akin. “His friend.”

Verena is somehow the most understanding person I have met. An alpha. Hindi ako magtataka kung bakit tipo siya ni Brent—o kahit sino mang lalake na nagkakainteres sa kanya.

“Ba’t nasa circle ka noong Jarsdel? Tambay lang ang mga ’yon sa BGC. Mga varsity player na akala mo kung sino-sinong maaangas,” ang iba sa naging kaibigan ko sa circle ni Verena.

“Huwag kang papahawa, Shiloh. Mga playboy ang nandoon,” they added.

Oo nga? Tapos ’yung nagugustuhan ko, ilang beses nang may dinalang babae sa unit at naririnig ko pa ang ungol ng babae.

Pero kahit ganoon, masaya ako sa bagong mundo ko. Masaya ako na…kaibigan kami. Masaya ako dahil hinahayaan nila akong maging ako, kahit nakakulong pa rin ako.

Kabado akong nang pumasok siya sa kuwarto ko. Sanay naman akong topless siya, ngunit ang pagdapa niya sa gilid ko habang nanonood ako, mas dumoble sa kaba ko.

I pressed my lips against the pillow as I tried to concentrate on the Ghibli movie I was watching—but in my peripheral vision, I could see him hugging a pillow as well.

“You really like this kind of movie, huh?”

Hindi ko mabilang kung ilang beses ko iyong nahuli pero napapansin ko lagi. Sa pananahimik ko habang nanonood kami ng movie at maingay siya, mahuhuli ko ang pagsilip niya sa mukha ko at titingnan ako.

“Hey. Talk to me.” At si Brent na yata ang pinakapapansin na kilala ko na pag hindi mo kinausap, lalagutan ng hininga.

Irita ko siyang nilingon. And every time I would look at him, there was that playful smile he would try to stifle, and finally, he successfully got my attention.

“Ano?” Halos samaan ko siya ng tingin dahil hindi ako natutuwa pag ganito siya lagi.

“What’s…the…” Bumaba ang tingin niya sa labi ko, kumurap at dahan dahang ibinalik sa mga mata ko.

“Ano?” ulit ko sa mas galit na tinig nang bumalik siya sa sarili niya.

Kumurap siya. “Title. The title,” agap niya.

I sighed aggressively. Nasa itaas na oh! Hindi ba siya nakakabasa? Mga rason niyang obvious na obvious!

“Spirited away!” I leered at him.

Ngumuso siya at nangingiting ibinalik ang tingin sa iPad ko. He nodded and hugged his pillow while there was still a smile on his lips.

Para na siyang hari kung umasta. Biglang papasok sa kuwarto ko at makukuryoso siya sa mga pinaggagawa ko.

“What are you doin’?”

Halos tumalon ang balikat ko nang bigla siyang sumulpot sa may pinto ng banyo ko at naabutan akong naglalagay ng lip moisturizer.

I glanced at him with a horror in my face. He was boredly leaning against the side of the open door while he’s topless.

“What’s that?” tingin niya sa hawak ko.

The scene was so familiar that my heartbeat tripled. Nabibingi ako sa tawanan ng nakaraan at sa marahas na paghampas sa akin ni Ritz sa locker. At pakiramdam ko mahihimatay ako ano mang oras.

“Let me see…” si Brent sa marahang tinig at hinaplos ang siko ko.

I was nervous. Nanginginig ako na baka…baka…

“So this is your secret why your lips seem so soft? Can I try it too?” agap niya.

Kumurap ako nang marinig ko ang sinabi niya. Noong tiningnan ko siya, doon ko napagtantong nasa kamay niya na ang lip moisturizer ko at parang mikroponong hinawakan iyon habang kuryoso niyang pinahid sa labi niya.

My nervousness vanished as I scoffed and laughed.

“Hindi ganyan! Pakialemero ka talaga!” Kinuha ko iyon sa kanya lalo na’t ngumingiwi siya at nagawa pa iyong tikman.

“What’s that for?” tanong niya sa kuryosong paraan.

“Para sa…dry lips,” sabi ko.

He nodded like he fully understood the use and wasn’t mocking me about it.

“Nice. You’re taking care of your…lips.” Tango niya at napunta ang tingin sa labi ko. “As you should…”

As I should? At bakit…parang manghang mangha siya?

Kung kanina ay kabado ako dahil baka maulit ang nakaraan, ngayon, mas lalo akong kinabahan dahil nahuli ko ulit siyang tinitingnan ang labi ko.

Paanong hindi ko pagdududahan kung sa paraan ng paninitig niya, kulang nalang lumapit siya at tikman iyon.

Pero hindi ko halos maisip na si Brent… lalake pa sa lalake…magiging…baliko?

“Alam mo Shiloh, iniisip ko kung magiging boyfriend na kita. Sweet siguro tayo? May ganoon ka bang naiisip?” si Sadie sa gilid ko nang may gusto siyang ipatikim sa akin na b-in-ake niya.

Ngumiti ako. “Wala eh…”

“Talaga? Kasi minsan feeling ko naman gusto mo ako.”

Noong sinabi ng mga girls na parang girl version ni Brent si Sadie, sa dalas ng pakikipag-usap sa akin, nakikita ko nga. Kung naging babae si Brent, baka nga si Sadie.

She got Brent’s charm, even in the way she playfully conversed. Parehas din silang…assuming at madrama.

Pero gustong gusto ko silang dalawa. They were the kind of people who felt warm in spite of their loud noise. I would rather consider being with them than being alone.

“Ayan luto na! Ikaw ’to oh! Cute ’di ba!” Turo niya sa isang cookie na may smiley face na parang sunshine.

Ngumiti ako at tumango. Kinuha ko iyon at abalang kinuha ang phone ko nang lumapit na rin ang mga boys para makiusyoso sa ginagawa namin.

“Para ’yan kay Shiloh!” si Sadie na sinampal pa ang pag-ambang kumuha ng isang cookie ni Rick.

I could smell Brent’s scent beside me. Itinapat ko ang phone ko sa kamay habang hawak ang cookie nang biglang sumulpot ang ulo ni Brent, hawak ang pulso ko, at kinagatan iyon.

My eyes widened that even Sadie’s eyes widened too. Natulala ako sa cookies na may kagat habang natatawang umalis si Brent sa likod ko.

“Ano ba, Brent! Si Shiloh ’yon!”

“Ah… so this is how Shiloh tastes?” si Brent.

Sa iritasyon ko, nilingon ko si Brent na ngiting ngiti at nagawa pang kunin ang kalahati na hawak ko gamit ang aking kamay at isinubo sa kanya ang natitira.

“You should bake for me too. I want more…”

Total patay-gutom siya at gustong gusto niyang sinisira ang araw ko, nagbake din ako ng cookies. Pero sinadya kong maalat at ipalamon lahat kay Brent.

“Brent,” tawag ko pagkatapos noon.

Nakikipagtawanan siya sa mga boys habang naglalaro sila ng PlayStation nang nilingon niya ako.

I was so excited for his reaction that I even recorded it. Nakangiti rin siya noong tiningnan ang mga cookies na b-in-ake ko.

“Para sa akin lahat?” He asked while looking so amused.

Tumango ako at nagpigil ng ngiti. He licked his lips and shoved one cookie in his mouth. Nakita ko ang nagkasalubong niyang kilay, tumatango at napahawak na sa sink gamit ang dalawa niyang kamay habang iniintindi ang lasa.

Umubo siya at kumuha ng baso. Natatawa kong izinoom-in ang camera sa mukha niya.

“Masarap?” I asked and laughed.

Brent nodded. “Maybe more practice? It’s a bit salty, but I could taste the sweetness mixing. If I’ll grade this…hmm… perhaps seven? But then I appreciate your effort, so it’s a ten…”

Napawi ang ngiti ko. Nagsalin siyang muli ng tubig at uminom. He looked constipated, but he still managed to show that he…appreciates it.

Kahit yata lasunin ko siya, papayag siya basta ako ang lalason sa kanya.

Doon ko unti-unting napagtanto na…mabait si Brent.

“Mabait?! Ang gagong ’yan?” marahas na si Rick nang makwento ko.

“Shiloh, that boy is Satan’s reincarnation. Kung alam mo lang. Kaya ’yan mag-isa sa unit at ayaw naming samahan dahil may anger-issues siya at ayaw pang pinapakialaman ang gamit niya.”

Talaga? Tapos si Brent itong napakapakialamero.

“Ang gusto niyan, kung sa kanya, sa kanya lang. Ayaw niyang nakikihati. Kaya minsan sa inuman, ’yan ang masarap lasingin at iwan sa daan.”

Natawa ako sa sinabi ni Rick habang nasa isang Cafe kami at may hinihintay. Sadyang napag-usapan lang namin si Brent.

“Kung may totoong mabait si grupo, si Con,” aniya. “Pero ngayong nandito kana, ikaw na siyempre.”

Out of all Brent’s friends, akala ko si Rick ang hindi ko makakasundo ngunit mali ako. Lalo na’t mas malapit kami sa isa’t isa. He takes care of me like I’m his sibling.

Ganoon din sana ang mararamdaman ko kay Brent kaso kakaiba mag-alaga ang isang ’yon. He would invade my personal space, and he likes teasing me. He would even point out how much he liked my cheeks.

“Can I squeeze it?”

Natigilan ako at dahan dahang nilingon si Brent. Nakakulob siya at nakaunan sa unan kong niyayakap niya ngunit nakasentro ang mga mata sa akin.

“Ang alin?” Halos hindi ko maproseso ang tinutukoy niya.

“Your cheeks…”

Nagkasalubong ang kilay ko. “Ba’t naman?”

“It looked so squishy. Like a marshmallow.”

“Alam mo, Brent, lumabas kana. Mambubwesit ka lang.” I pushed him eagerly because he makes me nervous.

Tumawa siya at hinawakan ang kamay ko, nanlalaban na manatili. So I used my full force and kicked him until he fell on my bed.

Narinig ko ang pagdaing niya roon at ang malakas na kalampag lalo na’t ang laki laki niya pa.

Natataranta ko siyang sinilip sa gilid ng kama ko. Nakita kong nakapikit siya, dumadaing, ngunit nasa labi pa rin ang ngisi.

Kumalma ako nang makitang ayos lang naman yata. Dumilat siya at inabot ako. Sa gulat ko, sumabay ang tili ko sa pagkalaglag ko sa ibabaw niya.

“Aw,” he groaned playfully and laughed.

“Gago ka talaga!” sigaw ko at pinakitang galit ako kahit ngumingisi lamang siya at nahahawa rin ako sa tawa niya.

“You’re quite heavy being at the top,” he chuckled.

Napawi ang ngiti ko. Napawi rin ang ngiti niya.

“You won’t hurt the girls if you hover over them,” agap niya.

Sa iritasyon ko, sinapak ko ang dibdib niya at naunang tumayo. Bastos talaga lagi ang laman ng isip niya.

Ngunit sa kalabog ng dibdib ko, apektadong apektado ako. Nilalagyan ko ng malisya ang mga ganoong interaksyon namin.

Naguguluhan ako. At hindi nakakatulong dahil napapansin ko lahat. Iba ito. Hindi niya ganito tratuhin ang girls. Inaayawan niya si Jessie at mas gusto niyang ako ang pagtuunan ng atensyon.

Hindi ko sana pag-iisipan ng iba kaso…

“What? You bit me.” Tikhim niya at nag-iwas ng tingin.

Ayokong ibaba ang tingin ko kaso pansin na pansin ko sa suot niya. Nagpaliwanag pa at sinubukang lumusot pero paano niya itatanggi eh…bakat na bakat?

He walked out. At sa pagaspas ng shower, alam ko kung ano ang ginagawa niya roon.

Mariin akong pumikit at ibinaon ang mukha sa unan. Mabilis ang kalabog ng dibdib ko. At ang naiisip na…maaaring ginagawa niya…nagpapainit ng katawan ko.

Brent is the living proof of my sexuality. Lalo na’t sa gabing ’yon, hindi ko rin napigilan. It was the first time that I touched myself because he…turned me on, too.

I imagined him…touching me. I imagined him kissing me. I imagined him…fucking me.

I felt guilty after doing it. Ayokong bumalik sa dati kong mundo. Kaya kung magpapatuloy ito, mauulit lang ang nakaraan.

Hindi nawala ang ngiti sa labi ko habang tinititigan ang picture namin nila Brent kasama ang iba pa.

La… May… May bago na akong mga kaibigan. Mababait sila, la. At hindi nila ako tinutuksong bakla. Hindi nila ako hinahawakan. Hindi nila ako binabastos. La…nirerespeto nila ako. Lalo na si Brent.

I kissed our photo with a smile on my lips. Sana dito nalang ako habangbuhay. Sana walang magbago.

“Badtrip. Wala pa ang allowance ko. Ayaw ibinigay ni Agatha. Paano ako maghohotel nito?” narinig ko ang reklamo niya kay Mav.

“Hotel? Dude, I thought you’d rather bring them on your unit?”

Tumawa si Brent. “My roommate is strict.”

Habang tumatagal, natuturn-off na ako kay Brent. At mas gusto ko yatang ganyan siya nang manatili rin ako sa linya. O…hindi maging komplikado ang sitwasyon.

Imposible naman na magkakagusto siya sa akin. Tuwid pa siya kaysa sa daang tuwid. O straight pa sa ruler.

“Hindi kayo nagdidate ni Brent, Jessie?” usyoso ng mga girls pagkatapos ng breaktime.

“Hindi ah. Friends lang kami ni Brent,” ani Jessie na hindi pinaniwalaan ng mga girls.

Brent’s approach to Jessie made me curious. Lalo na’t noong first day of school, nang makita niya si Jessie, nagningning ang mga mata niya. Parang nakahanap na naman ng flavor of the month at pinagpaplanuhan niya sa isip niya.

“Si Brent? Maniniwala sana ako kaso si Brent ’to! Malandi pa sa malandi! Ginagawang tubig niyan ang pambababae! Uhaw lagi!” si Angela.

The girls are aware of how womanizing Brent is.

“Pero matino pa rin naman ’yon kahit gano’n. Naniniwala siya sa platonic friendship. Kasi kung gago talaga ’yan si Brent, baka kahit si Sadie na sobrang close niyang babae hindi pinalampas,” si Patricia.

“Ayaw niya kay Sadie kasi parang pinatulan niya na rin ang sarili niya!” natatawang si Sheena.

“Si Sadie humahalo lang sa atin dahil kay Shiloh. Manang mana kay Brent,” naiiling na si Angela.

Ito ang gusto ko sa circle ni Brent. Nag-eexist ang platonic friendship. Hindi ka pagdududahan kahit nasa girls ang mga boys. O kahit ang mga girls ang nasa boys. Clingy din sila sa isa’t isa at alam ang boundary nila.

“What?” si Brent na biglang sumulpot sa aming table at inilapag ang isang strawberry smoothie sa harap ko kasama ang isang snack.

“Binabackstab ka namin tapos bigla kang lumitaw!” natatawang si Angela.

“Nothing is ugly about me, girls…” mayabang na sabi ni Brent.

“Umalis ka nga dito sa table namin, Brent! Doon ka sa boys!” ang mga babae na tinawanan lang ni Brent at bumaling sa akin.

Itinusok niya sa pisngi ko ang hintuturo niyang daliri. Itinagilid niya rin ang ulo niya para tingnan ako nang maigi.

“Eat the food I brought. I don’t want to meet your dragon personality when you’re hungry.”

Naiintindihan ko kung maalaga siya sa akin dahil habilin ng mommy niya. Pero ang hindi ko maintindihan ay kung bakit pati sa mga babaeng nilalandi niya, ay may kinalaman din sa akin. Habilin din ni tita?

“I told her we’d stop texting. Kung mainit pa rin ang ulo mo kahit ginawa ko na ang mga gusto mo…” at ang rason niya kaya tinigil niya ang pakikipagtext kay Jessie ay dahil sa akin?

Sa akin? Gusto kong maniwala na dahil iyon sa sinasabi niyang allowance niya. Kaso kahit sarili niyang ina, nilalaglag siya.

“Binibigyan din naman siya ng pera ng dad niya kaya huwag mo na masyadong isipin na kinukulang sa allowance si Brent, Shiloh. Sobra sobra ang allowance niyan. Baka pinambabae niya kaya mabilis maubos. Total ’yan lang naman ang bisyo niya.”

Nakakapangduda. Baliko ba itong si Brent?

Lalo na’t maraming beses ko siyang nahuling tititig sa akin at dahan-dahang bababa ang mga mata sa labi ko. And every time he would lick his lips while staring at my lips, it would always make me nervous.

Gusto ko siyang sawayin doon, ngunit ang bobong ito, hindi nga yata aware sa kilos niya. Ano kayang nasa isip niya kakatitig sa labi ko? Sa daming labi rito…ba’t hindi siya kay Rick tumitig? Mga lalake rin naman ang friends niya ah? Bakit sa akin?

“Kumusta ka naman? Ayos lang ba ang pakikitungo ni Brent sa’yo?” si Tita Agatha nang tumawag sa akin.

“Opo. Medyo pakialamero lang si Brent, tita,” sabi ko.

Hindi man lang siya nagulat, tila ba inaasahan niya na iyon.

“Ewan ko nga diyan. Siguro ganoon talaga pag panganay? Kulang sa pansin? Mag-isa din kasi siya lagi diyan sa unit niya, Shiloh…”

Mag-isa? Parang hindi naman.

“O may dinadala na namang babae ang batang ’yan?” at mukhang nabasa agad ni tita sa ekspresyon ko na may ganoon nga.

Hindi ako sumagot doon at ngumiti lang. Bumuntonghininga siya.

“Alam mo, napakababaero niyan! Ang hinihintay na nga lang namin ng dad niya na balita ay makabuntis siya. Baka kung sakaling may nabuntis ’yan, titigil na sa pambababae.”

Brent prioritizes safe sex. Parang mas problemado pa ’yon na ubos na ang stock niyang condom kaysa ang makabuntis.

“Huwag kang gumaya kay Brent, Shiloh. Hayaan mo siya diyan sa pagiging babaero niya at kakarmahin din ’yan.”

I am not blind. Nasa Cebu pa lang ako, nakita ko na ang winawagayway na pulang bandila ni Brent. At ngayong nasa malapitan ako, bumabaha na ang pagiging pula niya.

But as I tried to know the new him—which was so foreign to me because the only memory I had of him was when he was eleven—I slowly realized why there were a lot of girls who wanted him in spite of being a womanizer.

“Everyone is unique. We do not need to be compared to each other in order to be acknowledged. People are given beauty in different ways. It’s only us who are too focused on comparison when we’re all different. It’s as if you’re comparing the sun to the stars based on their shape and size. They both, however, stand out on their own in their right time. Exactly like us,” ani Brent nang may topic ang girls tungkol sa comparison.

Ngumiti si Jessie at ramdam ko na mas nahuhulog siya kay Brent.

“Ngiting ngiti si Jessie! Huwag kang makinig diyan! Tricks niya ’yan para mahulog ka!” si Tyler na sumingit kaya nagtawanan ang boys at nakangisi siyang binato ng soft pillow ni Brent.

“Jess paiiyakin ka niyan. Kaya huwag kang makinig diyan,” si Ron.

Nakitawa rin ang girls ganoon ako. Pero ang hindi nila alam, hindi lang si Jessie ang lumubog kay Brent. Ang malala rito, nakaabot na ako sa pinakailalim.

“Lasing ka yata eh,” bintang ko nang maiwan kaming dalawa sa kuwarto noong birthday ko.

“Mm…maybe?” pilyo niyang ngisi sa akin at bumababa na naman ang tingin sa labi ko at dinilaan ang kanya.

“Lasing na lasing ka,” bintang ko, gustong paniwalaan na dahil lang iyon sa alak kahit pakiramdam ko, ibang lasing ang nangyayari sa kanya.

Why? You’d kiss me?“ Humagalpak siya.

Bakit ang dali kay Brent? Hindi ko maintindihan? Akala niya ba ganito ka dali ang pinapasok niya? Biro lang?

Kung nalaman niya ba gaano ka sahol ang trato sa mga kagaya ko, gugustuhin niya pa kayang lumagpas sa nararamdaman para sa akin? Dahil kung ako ang masusunod, mas gusto kong manatili siya sa linya.

Pinalis ko ang luha habang pinulot isa isa ang mga bato ng bigay niyang regalo sa akin. Ito ang unang beses na nakatanggap ako ng regalo na ibinase niya lamang sa akin. Hindi niya alam…mga paborito ko itong kulay.

He likes me. At ayoko na gusto niya ako. Ipinapaalala niya sa akin bakit ako nandito sa sitwasyong ito. Kung bakit umalis ako sa Cebu.

“Umamin ang gago?” si Verena nang puntahan ako kinabukasan.

“Wala akong balak sa amin,” pag-amin ko.

“You know, Brent is like a spoiled brat. Hindi ’yan titigil hangga’t hindi nakukuha ang gusto.”

“Hindi niya naman alam gaano ka hirap ang pinapasok niya,” sabi ko.

“You think your past might repeat itself again and you will lose them?”

Bumuntonghininga ako.

“Brent is an ass, but he’s different from those men, Shiloh.”

Alam ko. Kaso ayokong maranasan niya ang naranasan ko. Ayokong talikuran din siya ng mga kaibigan niya pag nalaman nilang bakla siya.

Hindi ko naman piniling tumalikod katulad ng sinasabi niya sa aking kaya niyang talikuran ang lahat para sa amin.

Ako ang tinalikuran, Brent. Ako ang sinukuan. Ako ang itinaboy. Hindi sila ang nawalan kundi ako. Dahil sa mga panahong iyon, kumapit ako sa kanila pero binitiwan nila ako.

At sa unang beses…may humawak sa akin nang mahigpit. Sa unang beses, kung kailan gusto kong bumitaw, sa halip na pakawalan ako, niyakap niya ako nang walang pag-alinlangan.

My mother made me feel, and even the people around me, that I am a thorn that shouldn’t be embraced unless I changed myself so I would fit in without hurting them.

But Brent… he was different. He made me feel like my thorn wouldn’t hurt him at all. Or even if it hurts, he’d still embrace me.

He was the only one who made me feel the warmth of being accepted for who I am. Siya ang unang tumanggap sa akin, bago ko natanggap ang sarili ko.

Sinubukan kong pigilan na baka dala lang ng mga tukso sa akin kaya tumatatak sa isip ko na bakla ako. O siguro, hindi lang ako nakuryoso sa babae. Pero baka kung… may karanasan ako sa babae, mababago ang pananaw ko?

Nanliligaw si Brent sa akin. Seryoso siya. Habang ako, hindi pa rin tanggap ang sarili ko. Ayokong maging ganito lalo na’t pinapaalala sa akin nito ang masakit na nakaraan.

Pero sa gabing iyon, mas lalo akong nalinawan na hindi ako magkakagusto sa babae. Lalo na’t ang gusto ko, hindi naman babae.

“Nasa’n si Brent?” tanong ko kay Mavric nang hindi ko mahanap.

“Nilagnat daw sabi ni Angela. Puntahan mo. Baka gumaling,” panunuya ni Mavric.

Nilagnat? Tutubuan pa ba ng lagnat ’yon kung tingin niya sa sarili niya sobrang hot niya?

Pagpasok ko, kahit madilim, naaninag ko ang pagkukusa niyang pumikit para lang isipin kong tulog siya kahit gumagalaw ang pilikmata niya.

Ilang beses na ba siyang nagalit? Pero sa lahat ng galit, sa kanya ako hindi nanginginig dahil alam ko, hindi niya ako sasaktan. Hindi niya gagamitin sa akin ang pagiging malakas niya.

It was that night I accepted him. That night I wanted to express the feeling is mutual.

Hinalikan ko siya hindi dahil bakla ako, kundi dahil gusto kong maramdaman niya na unti-unti kong tinatanggap kung sino ako.

At tama si lola, walang mali sa akin.

Buong buhay ko, nagtago ako sa dilim dahil ipinaramdam ng lahat sa akin na hindi ako bagay sa makulay na mundo dahil sa kasarian ko.

Pero si Brent, pumasok siya sa madilim kong mundo at kinulayan iyon sa paraang matatanggap ko ang sarili ko. Na makikita ko…walang mali sa kulay na gusto ko sa kabila ng kasarian ko.

They say blue is classified for boys. And pink for girls. But Brent showed me that I am more than those colors. I am not just blue. I am also red—loving. Orange—warmth. Yellow—sunshine. Green—peace. Indigo—creative. And even violet. I could be anything I wanted to be. I could wear all the colors I like.

I’m used to girls liking Brent so easily. But when he rejected Cheena Ferrer on Angela’s birthday, my insecurity got into me.

Cheena was the perfect description of a perfect woman that society wants. And the men want Maganda. Maputi. Matangkad. Payat at sexy. Other than that, I heard from the girls that she is smart and a model at the same time. Napaka talino raw.

Hindi ako makatulog habang iniisip iyon. Ang kagaya ni Brent ay bagay sa kagaya ni Cheena. Kung siya ang pipiliin niya, walang masasabi ang buong mundo sa kanila dahil ang ganoong pagmamahal ay katanggap tanggap.

Kung sa akin siya, pagtatawanan lamang kami at masisira lang ang reputasyon niya.

When I first harmed myself, I felt apologetic for doing it. But every time something would bug my mind, it would be the first thing that would pop into my head.

Kaya ang itinago-tago kong cutter, noong pakiramdam ko tulog na ang lahat, ay inilabas ko para gawin ulit iyon.

I pulled the sleeves of my long sleeves. Ang amba kong gawin ay natigilan nang makita ang suot kong bracelet.

The colors remind me of his mother’s statement when I was young. Being gay is like an art because you’ve finally decided what color you want to become. You aren’t just blue—or pink. You are finally the color you wanted for yourself.

Tahimik akong umiyak at sa halip na saktan ang sarili, unti-unti kong napagtanto na may…nakakakita na sa totoong kulay ko. Na sa kabila ng madilim na mundo, may unti-unting tumatanggap kung sino ako.

Naramdaman ko bigla ang paggalaw ng kama. Alam ko, si Brent iyon kahit nakatalukbong ako. Siya lang naman ang ganyan.

“Can I date you later?” bulong niya nang hindi niya pinakinggan ang gusto ko.

He always surprises me. Alam niya kung paano kukunin ang loob ko, tila ba inaral niya iyon nang mabuti para pakalmahin ako sa tuwing marami ang bumabagabag sa isip ko.

All my life, I tried to fit in. But Brent didn’t give me his world. He turned my world into his—that there’s nothing wrong with my own world. At ngayon ko lang nakita na maganda pala ang mundo ko sa mga mata ng ibang taong walang nakikitang mali sa’yo.

Noong nagpakita sila Ritz, at nakita ko kung paano ako pinrotektahan nila Brent, doon ko unti-unting napagtanto na malayong malayo na ako sa dating si Shiloh.

For the first time, I am accepted. For the first time… In spite of not making a loud cry, my silence was heard. I…am not alone anymore.

And I realized I was no longer in the storm. Nor in the world where I couldn’t fit in. I am somewhere I could express my own colors. Somewhere I belong. Between heaven and earth, if they forbid to accept me, I’ll be in the rainbow—where I knew my colors would be accepted.

Brent turned my darkness into a rainbow—a reminder that I am no longer alone. I am sheltered in this world he painted according to what I like—a colorful home I could finally call…mine.

“You’re sleepy?” bulong ni Brent nang tahimik kong tiningnan ang gumagalaw na mga ulap.

Umiling ako dahil kinakabahan ako kay mama. Doon gusto ni Tita Agatha na mag-Christmas. Hindi ko alam kung magandang balita ba ito sa kanya.

“Brent,” si Tita Agatha na binigyan siya ng neck pillow.

“Ipasuot mo kay Shiloh,” agap ni Tita bago pa iyon suotin ni Brent.

“Oo na, Agatha,” he teased his mom.

Nanliit ang mga mata ni tita sa kanya habang nangingiti akong tumingin kay Brent na sumisimangot at isinusuot na sa akin.

“She thinks I won’t wear it to you?”

Sumilip sa maliit na espasyo sa gilid ng upuan si tita Agatha at sinisiguradong ginagawa iyon ng tama ni Brent.

“Gusto mo bang lagyan ko pa ng polbo ang likod ng paborito mong anak, Agatha?”

His mother only chuckled and showed her thumb to me. I nodded and chuckled too.

“Ah… mana nga naman. Pocket size… like his mother.”

“Baka gusto mong walang allowance buong taon, Mr. Jarsdel,” si Tita Agatha na ikinatawa ko.

Tita’s parenting and how he raised Brent showed in his son’s behavior. Kahit ang pagiging madrama minsan ni Brent, alam ko na kung saan niya rin nakuha.

Ngunit hindi rin nagtagal ang ngiti sa labi ko sa araw na iyon. Yumuko ako sa kinauupuan ko at pinisil ang aking mga daliri at ramdam ang kaba sa buong katawan ko.

My mother was hostile while Tita Agatha was talking to her. Nakapangalumbaba si Brent sa nakabukaka niyang mga binti habang maayos ang upo ko at nakasara ang mga binti.

Brent looked at how I played with my fingers. Hinawakan niya iyon para pigilan nang mahagip ng tingin ko kung paano sumulyap si mama doon.

“Umamin sila sa akin, Solene,” si Tita Agatha sa marahang tinig.

“Bata pa lang si Shiloh, nakita ko na ang pagiging iba niya. Nahihilig siya sa mga pambabae noon pa man,” si mama.

“Meanwhile Brent, wala akong signs na napansin sa kanya noon. Puro panlalaki ang mga nilalaro niya…” si Tita Agatha na ikinatigil ni Mama.

“You know, when Greg came out to our family that he is gay, a retired soldier, everyone was shocked cuz imagine it, sinong mag-iisip na sa siga niyang iyon, bading siya?” Tita Agatha laughed genuinely.

Tahimik kami ni Brent, nakikinig. Si Mommy, parang may unti-unting napagtanto.

“It’s not easy to accept these kinds of things that weren’t normalize in our society, Solene. I know that it was also because of the environment you came from. Lagi mo ngang kuwento, gusto mong magpa-impress sa angkan mo.”

My mother nodded seriously.

“But imagine if…you have nothing to prove to the society. Imagine if we won’t care about their expectation?”

Parang bumalik lahat ang alaala ng kabataan ko sa akin. At ang mga eksenang seryoso akong pinapabasa ni Mama ng Mandarin, napalitan bigla ng paglalaro namin kung sakali mang…sa unang araw pa lang, hindi niya na inisip pa na kailangan niyang patunayan ang sarili kina Ahma. 

I slowly realized it that my mother is also a victim of this toxic parenting. Anong klaseng kabataan kaya ang naranasan ko kung pati si Mama, nakuha rin ang kabataang nararapat sa kanya?

My mother’s eyes turned bloodshot. Huminga siya at tinatagan ang sarili.

“I’ll be a guide, Solene. This is our first time as a parent in this lifetime, but this is their first time living their life as our kids too. And what we can only do is guide them, not just support them, but also embrace them…” 

Walang imik si mama pagkatapos ng sinabi ni Tita Agatha. Iba na rin ang kanilang topic noong nagluluto sila. Noong kakain na, pumasok ako sa kusina para tumulong at kumuha ng mga plato. Nagulat ako nang pumasok si mama at tumulong din.

“Kumusta ang pag-aaral mo doon? Balita ko kay Agatha… marami kang naging kaibigan.”

Ngumiti ako at tumango. “Opo, ma.”

“Alam ba nila?”

“N-Nagfile ako ng case doon sa ano…”

She froze. Ilang sigundo niya akong tiningnan.

“Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa akin?”

“Sinabi ko, ma. Pero…nagalit ka dahil nalaman mong…b-bakla ako.”

I saw the disappointment in her face, as it seemed like she remembered her reaction from the past.

Tumingin ako sa plato at kinuha ang mga babasaging gagamitin namin.

“Wala kana bang ginagawa sa sarili mo? Masaya ka ba roon? Hindi ka binubully?”

Umiling agad ako. “’Yung circle ni Brent mababait, ma. Minsan may tumutukso pero…w-wala nang nambabastos.”

Nakita ko ang pagkakatigil niya. Tumingin siya sa pulso ko at ang una niyang nasulyapan ay ang bracelet. Siguro iniisip niya na tinatago ko roon ang marka ng mga ginagawa ko sa sarili ko, pero simula noong isinuot ko ito, lagi kong naaalala na may mga taong nagmamahal sa akin.

“Kailan mag-uumpisa ang hearing? Sabihin mo nang masamahan kita,” aniya nang hindi nakatingin sa akin at naunang lumabas ng kusina.

Hindi ko namalayan na nagsibagsakan na pala ang mga luha ko. Kung hindi lang pumasok si Brent at dumungaw sa akin, hindi ko mapapansin.

“Shiloh…” nag-aalala niyang tawag.

Umiling ako at bahagyang natawa. “Brent… parang…tinanggap ako ni mama…” bulong ko at nasundan agad ng hikbi.

His eyes widened. Pinalis ko ang luha ko habang hinihila niya ang baywang ko at tumulong sa pagpupunas ng luha.

“Sasamahan niya ako sa hearing…” bulong ko at napupunit ang ngiti sa labi kahit ang sakit sakit.

Hindi ko na hinihingi pa kay mama na matatanggap niya ako. Na kung itatakwil niya ako, maiintindihan ko at rerespetuhin ko lalo na’t ayoko na rin siyang masaktan pa dahil sa desisyon ko.

Siguro nga, kalahati lamang ang tinanggap niya ngunit sapat na iyon sa akin.

Somehow, compared to last year, my Christmas was memorable. It became more memorable when, on the next day, our friends decided to go to Cebu.

“Seriously? Is this even necessary? Why haven’t I received any tarpaulin—”

“Itaas mo pa para makita nila,” putol ko sa kanya lalo na’t kahit sa tarpaulin na inihanda ko kila Sadie at sa mga boys, kinaiinggitan niya.

Pinlalo na kasi talaga nila na gumala after Christmas. Akala ko hihintayin nila kami na umuwi pabalik pero bigla nilang naisip na dito nalang sa Cebu gumala.

“Ayon sila!” I pointed at the group of familiar faces who just went out of the airplane with their things.

Kumaway ako at inangat ang tarpaulin. Brent grimaced, but instead, he lifted it up even more.

“Shiloh!” sigaw nila Sadie nang makita ako at nagsitakbuhan patungo sa akin.

The boys just walked in a chill manner, while the girls were eager to run towards me as if they were so excited to see me again.

“Nandito na ang circle mo,” sarkastikong sabi ni Brent. “Ipakilala mo naman ako. Parang nakakalimutan na nila kung sino ako.”

I laughed. “Sige. Ipapakilala kita sa pamilya ko.”

Instead of scowling more, Brent smiled. “Yes… they’re your family.”

And you’re my own home, Brent.

Special Chapter

Hello, irys! This special chapter is just a gift I’ve written for the anniversary of the Sac Series. Thank you so much for supporting these LGBTQ-themed stories. And as much as I enjoyed the hype, I would like to remind those other authors who are copying my sac series to at least be educated about the difference between inspiration and plagiarism.

I have no connection with those authors, and they never ask for my permission about it. Those ‘inspired’ works aren’t my second account nor affiliated with my Sac series. I will not mention the names of those few authors that were brought to my attention by the other irys, but please write responsibly. Thank you.

Happy reading!

Warning: R18

“Bading ka rin?” Tita Solene asked.

I was speechless for a moment. She looked at me with hostility; her eyes scanned me from head to foot, as if she were trying to find any evidence that I’m gay.

“Ay bisexual ang anak ko! Si Shiloh ang bading!” si Mommy na ngiting ngiti at tiningnan si Shiloh na tahimik din.

Mom decided to celebrate Christmas here in Cebu. Gustong gusto niya kasing kausapin ng masinsinan si Tita Solene. And of course, I wanted some formality here. I wanted to introduce myself properly as her son’s boyfriend.

Clearly, I’m nervous. Heck, I am fucking nervous! Who wouldn’t? I only met her once, and I could barely remember Tita Solene. Tapos ngayon, babalik akong boyfriend na ng anak niya? It’s a disaster. Hindi man lang ako nakapagpaalam ng maayos at kulang nalang ibinahay ko na si Shiloh sa Manila.

I cleared my throat as I watched my mom’s energetic vibe while she was helping Tita Solene place the food I had been eyeing for a while. Si Shiloh, nakalimutan na rin yatang may bibig at ramdam kong kabado siya.

I know he hasn’t talked about this seriously with his mom. Sa kwento niya pa lang, alam ko agad na malala ang pinagdaanan niya sa bahay na ito kaya hindi niya kayang tanggapin ang sarili niya noon.

“Ano bang kaibahan no’n? Parehas lang naman ’yon,” si Tita Solene na medyo kuryoso.

“Ay ’yung bisexual kasi, attracted pa sa both genders. Parang ’yung anak ko, naaattract sa girls tapos naattract din kay Shiloh,” si Mommy na nagpaupo sa akin ng maayos. Gusto ko sanang sumabat na noon lang ’yon kaso masyado silang tutok sa isa’t isa para sumingit.

Muli akong tiningnan ni Tita Solene, ang dessert na inilalagay sa mesa ay medyo bumagal lalo na’t para bang may mga nagbalik sa isip niya.

“Oo nga pala. Napaka babaero nitong si Brent,” she said, like it was really my nature.

I chuckled nervously and looked at my mom. Good lord! Here we go again.

“Ay hindi na! Hindi na! Noon Solene! Noon!” si Agatha na nagpapanic din. Kaka tsismis niya ’yan eh. Pati buhay ko ikukwento sa iba.

“Yes. Noon po ’yon,” I explained carefully while the saliva in my throat seemed to be strangling me.

“Pero babaero ka talaga?” Fuck. Sagot, Brent!

Even my mom leered at me, like she was trying to save me but, at the same time, throwing me under the bus. Hindi niya ako maipagtatanggol pagdating diyan.

“Noon…” I smiled nervously and caressed my ear. I am ashamed that I played that hard. If only I’d seen my future, I should have behaved and waited for Shiloh so I wouldn’t have these big problems.

“Si Shiloh, hindi ito kailanman naattract sa babae,” si Tita Solene na tiningnan ang anak niyang tahimik.

I glanced at Shiloh. He also glanced at me. Kung kami lang sigurong dalawa, inasar-asar na ako nito sa ekspresyon niya pero sa titig pa lang, rinig ko agad ang mga nasa isip niya.

My mom tilted her head just to look at his favorite child. “Talaga Shiloh? Sino ang first crush mo na lalaki?”

Shiloh panicked a bit and shook his head. Mukhang hindi pa ata ganoon ka komportable si Shiloh na pag-usapan ang mga ganito sa harap ng Mommy niya na mukhang hindi pa siya tinatanggap ng buo.

I frowned. “Mom.”

“Curious ako eh. Eh ikaw kasi kilala ko ang first crush mong babae. Twelve ka lang no’n eh…” At pinalala pa ata ni Mommy ang imahe ko kay Tita Solene.

I could not breathe properly. I need a drink. Inabot ko ang tubig at nagsalin habang si Mommy, patuloy nang nagkwento.

“Kapitbahay namin ’yon eh. Bagong salta. Nagulat ako nagpapa bake siya ng cake kasi iwewelcome daw namin ’yung kapitbahay namin. Sumama pa sa akin habang ayos na ayos! Naka gel pa ang buhok!”

God. Damn. It.

Nilingon ako ni Shiloh. Good Lord. I don’t even want to glance at him.

“Naka gel pa,” I heard him whisper bitterly.

I chuckled. “Bata pa ako no’n eh…” I said while I could feel the dragon who’s about to roar beside me if I messed it up.

“Oo nga bata pa pero malandi na siya talaga no’n!” At itong si Mommy, gusto yatang marumi ang tingin ni Tita Solene sa akin! Not cool, Agatha!

“Buti pa itong si Shiloh! Dapat nag crush ka rin ng maraming lalaki bago mo nakilala si Brent! Kasi ’yang anak ko, hindi kana niyan papakawalan.” At nagsuggest pa ang aking ina.

I smirked at Shiloh. “Marami ’yang crush.”

Kuryoso siyang tiningnan ni Tita Solene. Shiloh looked at me with panicked eyes.

“Sino?” he asked.

“Your ghibli boys. That blonde guy. Who’s that again?”

Kumalma siya at natawa. I looked at his lips, wanting to lean closer so I could taste it at least, but when I saw his mom’s eyes looking at me with a warning, I held back. Damn it.

“Ah…si Howl.”

“Ah ’yung Ghibli! Oo nga pala. Lagi mo lang ’yung pinapanood pag nagkukulong ka sa kwarto,” si Mommy na tumatango.

“Ghibli?” si Tita Solene na umuupo na sa harap namin, si Mommy na nakatayo pa.

“Oo. Anime siya, Solene. Mahilig si Shiloh sa ganoon.”

I saw how Shiloh bowed a bit and pinched his fingers. Pasimple kong ipinatong ang kamay ko roon para lang tigilan niya at nginitian si Tita Solene.

“Isip bata kasi minsan si Shiloh, Tita. Mahilig nga sa games,” I said and chuckled lightly about it to lessen the tension.

Tita Solene nodded. “Ah oo. Mahilig siya sa…games…” Then she looked at Shiloh.

I looked at Shiloh again. Now I’m a bit bothered. There’s something about the word that felt heavy. Kahit si Mommy, napapawi ang ngiti.

“Kumain na tayo! Anong oras nga ang dating ng mga friends niyo? Maiingay ang mga ’yon Solene! Naku! Humanda ka talaga. Lalo na ’yung kaibigan nitong si Brent na si Sadie! Sobrang ingay!” ani Mommy at umuupo na rin.

God. The sudden mention of my friends immediately created a chaotic noise in my mind, and I could immediately hear them.

“Shiloh!” And an hour later, here they really are when we decided to pick them up at Mactan Cebu International Airport.

I frowned and looked at the tarpaulin again. He didn’t create a tarpaulin for me. Now I’m really wondering if this shorty sees me as his boyfriend or just his friend. Pero buti pa nga pag friend may special treatment. Ako na boyfriend, kahit welcome to Cebu na pa cake, wala.

“Anong mukha ’yan Brent?” puna ng boys at humalakhak agad.

The girls were now jumping around Shiloh while they were hugging him excitedly. Sinama pa ni Mavric ang dalawang bubwit niyang kapatid na si Shiloh rin ang pinagkaguluhan habang ang batang lalaki ay tahimik lang na nakahawak sa kamay ni Mavric.

“Balita namin boyfriend ka raw ng kaibigan namin ah? Nice to meet you, bro.” At ang hayop na si Tyler na naglahad pa ng kamay, binibiro ako.

The boys laughed and crowded me as they offered their hands for a handshake. I rolled my eyes and slapped their hands away from me.

“Ay gago. Hindi ko gusto itong boyfriend mo, Shiloh. Bastos,” si Rick na itinuro pa ako.

“Maghanap ka ng iba, Shiloh. Naangasan ako rito,” si Con na dinagdagan pa.

Tumawa si Shiloh habang karga karga na si Riri na kuryosong hinawakan ang labi niya.

“It’s shiny. Kuya, his lips are shiny,” ani Riri nang lingunin si Mavric at pinisil ang pang-ibabang labi ni Shiloh.

“Cuz I’m his lipstick.” I smirked cockily.

Ngumiwi si Rick at nasira naman ang ekspresyon ng mga boys. I laughed. Fuck. It feels great to brag about things like this.

“Ang yabang!” sigaw ng boys at pinagsisipa pa ako.

I ran a bit to dodge it, but Tyler just jumped at my back until he caught me. Noong hindi niya ako ma headlock, si Rick ang gumawa no’n sa akin hanggang sa pinagtulungan na nila akong lahat.

“Stop it. Damn!” Saka ko sila pinagtutulak lalo na’t nasa airport pa nga kami pero ganito na agad kaligalig. Nakasampa pa sa likod ko si Tyler na siniko ko lang para umalis.

“Akala mo talaga hindi lumuhod!” sigaw ni Ron kaya naghagalpakan na agad sila.

“Baby please!” At ang biglaang pagluhod ni Tyler na inambahan ko pang sipain kaya natatawa siyang tumayo agad.

We were so chaotic for an hour. Naglilingunan na ang iba sa amin dito dahil para kaming sumundo ng mga bagong uwing OFW na ilang taong hindi nagkita kahit ilang araw lang naman sanang nagkahiwalay.

“Gago Brent. Nakaya mong harapin ang Mommy ni Shiloh?” bulong ni Tyler sa akin nang pumasok na sila isa isa sa bahay at ang bumubungad ay ang estriktang ekspresyon ni Tita Solene.

The boys looked constipated as soon as they saw Shiloh’s mom. Maputi. 5’4 ang height. Naka khaki na coat at nakatali ang buhok ngunit talagang hindi palakaibigan ang singkit na mga mata.

“Kung hindi ko siguro alam na Mommy na siya, magiging crush ko siya,” at ang tarantadong si Ron na gusto naming pagbabatukan dahil wala talagang sinasanto ang isang ’to pag usapang babae.

“Ayaw mo ’yon Brent. Ako ang father-in-law mo kung nagkataon.” Talagang gusto kong sakalin si Ron dahil kinikilabutan ako sa pinagsasabi niya. I can’t imagine it.

“Dude, what the hell? I’m getting flashbacks that you literally want to become my father as soon as you’ve seen my mom,” mahinang sabi Tyler na tahimik naming ikinatawa.

I hushed and glared at them. Sinuot na ni Con hanggang labi ang t-shirt niya para hindi bumuhakhak ng tawa, si Rick na yumuko at seryosong nagsalikop ng kamay kahit gusto na ring humagalpak, si Mav at Ron na talagang humahagikhik na habang pinipisil ang mga ilong para lang pigilan bungisngis. Nakaupo kaming lahat sa sofa pero hindi pa rin talaga ma pirmi.

“Ang ganda ng Mommy mo eh. Ayaw mo niyan, bro. May kaibigan kana, may stepfather ka pa.” Kindat ni Ron na talagang inabot ni Tyler at gustong sakalin.

“Damn it, fuckers!” Saway ko lalo na’t nasa gitna pa ako ng dalawa.

Tumikhim si Shiloh at mukhang ang mga boys na ang ipapakilala sa Mommy niya lalo na’t nauuna ang mga girls na karga karga rin si Riri. Kaya noong tiningnan agad sila ni Tita Solene, isa isang nagseryoso at naging pormal.

Tita Solene seemed interactive with the boys, but she still has that hostility in her. Man…I can’t imagine she’s the mother of my shorty. Pero sabagay. Sobrang napaka snob nga naman ni Shiloh pag seryoso.

We were so chaotic at the table. Hindi ko alam kung nao-offend na ba si Tita Solene pero ngumingiti naman paminsan minsan. Kahit ako takot ngang hawakan si Shiloh at baka umuwi ako sa Pinas na isa nalang ang kamay.

“Maliit lang ang kuwarto ko,” ani Shiloh nang binuksan niya iyon at nagsituloy agad ang boys habang nakabuntot ang mga girls.

Nagmukha kaming sardinas sa kuwarto ni Shiloh. Maliit lang talaga at ang tatangkad pa naming boys. Pero wala namang nagreklamo at nawili sa mga gamit ni Shiloh na isa isa nilang pinagtitingnan.

“Kuwarto mo ba talaga ’to? Parang hindi sayo,” natatawang puna ni Sadie. “Wala man lang pink! O kaya glitters! Or cute things!”

Well, I also noticed it. It was plain white. His bed is gray, which is very opposite of his type of color. He seemed so boyish here. Tapos sa unit ko, naalala ko pagkapasok ko ang dami daming pink at nagkalat pa sa desk ang mga toiletries niyang ang aarte tingnan. But there’s none here.

“Ah…si Mama kasi nag-aayos ng kuwarto ko,” he said and smiled.

The boys looked at each other like they remembered something.

“Oh right… she’s homophobic. Maybe I can fix her?” ani Ron kaya mabilis na sumabog ang aming tawa at nagliparan agad ang mga gamit sa kanya. Tang ina eh!

“Tumigil kana, Ron!” saway ko lalo na’t hindi ko talaga maimagine. Gago talaga.

Hagikhikan ng mga girls at kalokohan na ng mga boys ang pumaibabaw. Natatawang tumayo si Shiloh sa harap ng bintana at sumandal doon. I stood behind him, towering my little baby as I put my hands on each side until he’s locked in my arms.

“Dito ’yon eh…” he whispered, resting his hands on the window as well while his eyes drifted from somewhere.

“Hmm?” I tilted my head and watched him slightly smile.

“Doon ang playground.” He pointed at somewhere, like a cinematic play he was trying to reenact.

Sinundan ko saglit ng tingin habang ngiting ngiti siya at namumula.

“Diyan mo ba ako itatapon ngayon kung hinalikan kita?” I chuckled.

He glanced at me, glared for a while, but then he immediately calmed down. Umangat tuloy ang kilay ko.

“Tapos dumaan no’n si Cardi…” he continued.

“Who’s Cardi? The rapper?” biro ko.

“Kapitbahay… na bakla… at walang masama roon…” He smiled genuinely as he lifted his head to look at the sky. “Walang mali kung gusto mong piliin kung anong kulay ka talaga. Parang art. Malaya kang mamili kung anong kulay ka, hindi lamang bughaw o rosas, kundi buong kulay ng bahaghari.”

I smiled languidly when I remembered my mom’s sentence when I was a kid. “It’s like human art. Like what my mom said…”

Ngumuso siya at nagpigil na ngumiti habang humihigpit ang hawak sa gilid ng bintana kung saan nakapatong ang mga kamay niya. Sa aming likod ay ang ingay ng mga kaibigan naming naglalaro na yata.

He was watching the sky with a small smile on his lips, and I’ve seen the contentment in his eyes. What are you thinking, hmm?

“I know you recalled your journey, how you stumbled, got hurt, tried to stand up on your own and run so far…just to get where you are right now, and I’m so proud of you. It’s not yet over, but you can finally walk with ease, Shiloh. This time, you are not alone anymore. Not just with me, but with the new family you’ve found…” marahan kong bulong.

Wala sa sarili siyang lumingon sa akin, may munting ngiti sa labi at ang hindi mabasang kinang sa kanyang mga mata.

“Ang layo ko na, Brent. Ang layo layo ko na,” he whispered proudly.

I nodded proudly, too. “Hindi kana nila maabutan. Kung maabutan man, hindi kana nila maaabot. Youv got me. Well, not just a soldier but a whole battalion.” I lifted his chin so I could at least—

“Ano ’yan, Brent? Ano ’yan? Tita! May bastos dito!” sigaw bigla ni Sadie na halos ikinatalon ng balikat ko. Here they are. Shiloh’s battalion.

Damn it! I glanced at her and glared. But then, I looked at Shiloh again, who laughed a bit. Panira talaga lagi ang mga ’to.

“Kung matapang ka Brent, halikan mo nga sa harap ni Tita Solene!” hamon ni Gabriella.

The boys then cheered for me while the girls were trying to roast me.

“Damn… I wanna kiss you,” I whispered. It’s really torture when my circles are around. Oo natutuwa ako na binabakuran nila si Shiloh, pero pati ba naman sa akin? Minsan nga holding hands na lang parang labag pa sa loob nila.

“Mamaya,” he said, like it was our little secret.

I grinned. “Really? Where?”

“Pag tulog sila?” aniya.

“Ang sarap magpuyat mamaya,” at ang parinig bigla ng boys.

“Oo eh. Mukhang may lamok diyan sa tabi tabi na gustong dumapo.”

“Bilhan natin si Shiloh ng electric swatter para itabi niya mamaya pagtulog. Baka may dumapong lamok…” si Tyler.

God. I don’t know what kind of karma this is. Sarili ko pang circle ang kaagaw ko kay Shiloh. At hindi lang ’yon, pati si Mommy! Ngayon naman, nakidagdag pa ang isang bubwit, itong si Riri na ayaw nang humiwalay kay Shiloh na kahit nasa strawberry farm na kami nila, kung nasaan si Shiloh, nandoon din siya.

“What if bigyan mo na ng anak?” At ang tarantadong si Tyler, ayaw talaga akong tantanan sa biro niya. “Imagine it, bro, you were a fuck boy back in the day. What if may nakalusot na isang sperm mo?”

Ngumiwi ako at siniko siya. Malamig nga rito sa probinsyang pinuntahan namin pero pinapainit ni Tyler ang ulo ko. May resthouse sila Shiloh rito na pagmamay-ari ng namatay niyang Lola at dito na kami magpapalipas ng gabi.

“Hindi mo ba naisip ’yon Brent?” at si Ron na sumulpot sa gilid ko, inakbayan din ako.

I watched how Shiloh smiled at Riri while showing the strawberry he picked. Para silang mag-ama na nagkakasundo at parehas pang mga bubwit lalo na’t nakayuko si Shiloh at kinakausap si Riri na dala dala rin ang munti niyang basket.

“Ang alin?”

“Na baka nakabuntis ka?” he laughed.

There’s a rumor circulating, actually. But nah, I don’t like sex without the use of contraceptives. One, because I don’t want to become a father yet, and two, because I’m afraid of being contaminated by any virus. Although I know I’m clean, the idea of being infected just gives me chills.

“Pero may balak ka dude?” kuryosong tanong ni Tyler.

I remembered how Shiloh asked me about it. He was frustrated. He thinks that being called a family means there’s a child involved. But no. He is more than enough. He is everything to me. A home. And he doesn’t need to give me any of what society expects of being called a family. Just him. His love. That’s more than enough.

“Adopt? If he likes…” I shrugged.

“Ako nga hindi ko maimagine maging dad. Uso pa naman ’yung serial killer na mga anak mo. Meron ’yon eh…” At kung saan saan na naman napapadpad ang utak ni Tyler.

“Having a kid is quite scary, you know,” si Ron. “Lagot ako sa angkan ko.”

“Lifetime responsibility rin kasi,” sabi ko. Nakatayo lang kami dito sa gilid, nagtitingin tingin sa mga girls na maligalig at ako naman na si Shiloh at Riri ang tinitingnan.

Natahimik ang dalawa at hindi na rin bumoses. The nightmare of being a fuckboy, huh? Thank God Shiloh cut my disgusting cycle from the past. I’d admit it wasn’t a big deal to me. I’ve done it with proper consent and with only single girls who are on the same page with me. That was my type ages ago. I used to like liberated and wild girls. But when Shiloh came into the picture, who has no experience, I was embarrassed for playing that hard.

For me, fuckboys deserve girls or boys who are game and who are experts as well. But virgins? They deserve people who have no experience and virgins too. The girls who aren’t virgins anymore were sometimes shamed for having too much body count, but the boys, who are well known as fuck boys, were always patronized by society. It’s what my circle hates the most. Insensitive and straight bullshit.

“Fuck boy tapos nangangarap ng virgin na babae?! Sinong santo ka para alayan ng ganyang babae?!” I could literally hear Sadie’s high-pitched voice in my mind since the girls would always roast those boys who prefer virgin girls despite having so many body counts.

That’s why, in order to deserve Shiloh, I should man up because I know he deserves the best. But I can’t picture him out with other boys, so I would be the best version of myself to deserve him.

Our stay in Cebu was fun. Marami kaming ginawa roon. Idagdag pang nandito ang mga yate ni Tyler, doon kami tumambay lalo na’t uuwi kaming lahat pabalik sa Manila dahil may kanya kanya nang mga plano para sa New Year.

I badly want some alone time with Shiloh, but I guess it won’t happen despite the absence of my circle. Lalo na’t si Mommy, gustong dalhin si Shiloh pauwi para sa New Year. Tita Solene agreed since they don’t celebrate the New Year at all. Sa January pa ang sa kanila. And knowing that my Tito Greg is gay, he might eventually like Shiloh. God. For sure, my sibling would also like him.

Kung gaano kasaya noong January, ganoon naman ang pagdadabog ko noong dumating ang buwan ng Pebrero.

“Let’s camp, Mavric,” anyaya ko nang mapuno ako sa mga iniisip ko.

Mavric agreed with my plan. Naghike kami dala ang mga malalaki naming bag kung nasaan din ang tent. We were just planning for one night. Ibinilin ko naman si Shiloh sa girls and they have plans like a pajama party. He won’t overthink things that I’m missing for a night.

“Nag-away kayo?” usisa ni Mavric.

“Dude, am I overreacting? Naalala mo ’yung marami niyang chocolates last Valentine’s?”

Tumango siya. “Shiloh got lots of chocolates. Marami siyang naging kaibigan din eh.”

“Kinain niya!” I rolled my eyes and smashed the stick into my way to shoo the flies aggressively.

Humalakhak siya. “Ano ba dapat ang gawin niya doon? Ilibing?”

“My point here is that it came from his admirer. Lalo na ’yung isang lalaki na engineering student. Alam niyang taken tapos bibigyan niya ng chocolate? Gago rin!”

I’m really pissed. Who’s asshole would even gift someone who is taken? Fucker!

“Baka hindi niya alam na taken. You know, rumor lang lahat sa school na taken si Shiloh,” aniya.

Mas umakyat yata ang dugo ko at nauna nang maghiking sa pinakatuktok ng bundok. Nilatigo ko ang harap para hawiin ang dahon. Sa sobrang lakas, lumipad pa sa mukha ni Mavric.

“That’s why if I’d be in a relationship, I’d brag about it proudly so everyone would know who’s territory they’re trying to invade,” the sneaky, shameless motherfuker said.

Umismid ako. Kaya ko naman ’yan kaso may trauma rin kasi si Shiloh. Hindi mo pwedeng pilitin. Hinahayaan ko pa siyang maging komportable. At hindi naman ako nagrereklamo na low-key kami, o kahit itago ako sa banga ni Shiloh ng ilang dekada. Kaya ko naman. Ang akin lang, gusto kong alam nilang hindi siya pwedeng pormahan.

“Does Shiloh even know it came from his admirer?” tanong ni Mavric.

“Rason niya nga, hindi raw. Kinain niya eh matakaw ’yon sa matamis.” I rolled my eyes.

“Does even Shiloh know you’re mad or?”

Umiling ako at medyo kumalma. “Hindi rin. Maliit lang naman ’to na bagay.”

Well, I just want to release my frustration, alright? I can’t just direct it to Shiloh, who wasn’t at fault here.

“Tell him, Brent. What happened to communicate? It might be little, but it is better if he’s aware you’re jealous. That would help your relationship build more trust.”

“Galing pa talaga sa’yo ’yang pangaral huh? And which experience is that?” Inambahan ko siyang latiguhin noong hawak kong stick na inilagan niya agad.

“Galing sa maling tao. But in Rick’s term… Sa kabadingan ko rin noon.” He laughed.

Mavric and his sneaky side. We still have no idea what happened between him and that Tejano. He doesn’t share things. Kahit pa pilitin mo ’yan, ngingisihan ka lang at hindi talaga magkukwento.

Humalakhak nalang kaming dalawa, natatawa lagi dahil naririnig din namin ang boses ni Rick.

“Well, speaking of Rick…” He cleared his throat.

“Tang ina niyo! Hintay nga!” sigaw ni Rick sa likod.

Namilog ang mga mata ko at tumingin sa likod. Nang makitang nakasunod na ang boys, especially my shorty, who was on Rick’s back, I glanced at Mavric and tried to kick him. This traitor!

Humalakhak siya at lumayo. “What?”

“Damn you. Naghiking nga ako para iwanan ang problema, dinala mo pa.”

“Shiloh, problema ka raw!” sigaw ni Mavric.

Shiloh’s head tilted at Rick’s back, and he glared at me. Lumapit ako sa kanilang dalawa at sinamaan din siya ng tingin kung bakit nagpapakarga siya kay Rick. Now I’m regretting why I didn’t punch Rick back in October when he confronted me about my relationship with Shiloh.

Itinulak niya ako nang ambahan ko siyang pababain sa likod ni Rick. Kahit si Rick, napaatras at sinamaan ako ng tingin.

“Huwag mo nang lapitan!” Rick shouted roughly.

“Ibaba mo, Rick!” I shouted back.

“Uuwi na ako,” biglang hirit ni Shiloh nang ilapag na ni Rick, at kusa siyang umalis sa likod nito, halos magmartsa na pababa.

“Huh? Gugulong ka diyan pababa!” sita ni Rick habang sinasamaan na naman ako ng tingin ng mga boys.

“Problema ko, hindi ikaw,” I explained and followed him.

“Para kang bata, Jarsdel!” sigaw ni Tyler.

“Dude, nag-effort kaming kargahin ’yan tapos aawayin mo?” si Con.

“Nag-away pala kayo? Ano ba kasing ginawa mo, Brent? Bumalik ka nga rito! Pasakal nga!” si Ron.

And it’s always me. Bago ko pa siya mahila, nagpapaligsahan nang bumaba ang boys at nagtatawanan, mukhang may naisip agad na plano.

“Susunduin namin kayo bukas ng umaga!” sigaw ni Con.

Namilog ang mga mata ni Shiloh. Gusto pa sanang sumunod pero hinawakan ko na sa braso. Fuck. Ako ang galit dito ah? Bakit parang ako pa bigla ang nanunuyo?

I tilted my head and gestured for him to just come with me. Siguro, ramdam niyang seryoso ako kaya tahimik siyang sumama sa akin.

His hand slowly crawled against my arm, and he clung to me like a scared kitten. Goddamn. Now I’m not even sure what’s making my blood boil earlier.

“Magh-hike kayo ni Mavric?” he asked curiously.

Lambing ah?

“Yes. And camp.” I shrugged and made sure he wouldn’t step on anything dangerous while eyeing his steps.

“Eh ba’t kayo lang?”

“May pajama party kayo ng girls ah? Hindi natuloy?” tanong ko nang maalalang nandoon dapat siya.

Umiling siya. “Niyaya ako ni Rick na magh-hiking daw tayong boys.”

Mavric and his ways!

Iritado lang talaga ako roon sa chocolate na ’yon. Ayoko ring sabihin na huwag niyang tanggapin eh malay niya bang galing pala sa lalaki? Fuck. Kahit ata galing sa babae at may gusto sa kanya, ikakasama pa rin ng loob ko. I can’t believe I’m this overdramatic.

“Careful,” sabi ko at baka matisod pa ’to.

His clung tightened. Mabuti nalang at naka long sleeve siya. Hindi ako mag-aalala na baka may mga insektong dumapo sa kanya at kagatin siya.

“Mahilig kayong mag hiking, ’di ba?” tanong niya.

I nodded. “Yup. Is this your first time?”

“Hindi naman. Noon sa school, may field trip kami. Nagtanim din kami ng puno no’n. High school ako no’n.”

I nodded without glancing at him for a response, at least. Kunwari cold.

“First time ko ’to na…ikaw lang ang kasama.”

I slowly realized it, too. Maybe I am really his slave. ’Cuz the moment he mentioned it, I just wanted to make it memorable so he would enjoy it. Fuck the chocolates. It ain’t a big deal!

As soon as we got to the top, which is the perfect place to place the tent, hinayaan ko siyang magpicture habang siniset up ko ang tent namin.

“Wala bang bear dito?” he asked.

I only chuckled and shook my head. Nagvivideo na yata siya at itinatapat sa akin iyon. I cleared my throat and looked at the camera.

“You should flex that on your social media, you know. Para makita ng mga friends mo sa school na…inaalila mo ang boyfriend mo.”

“Naka deactivate ang Facebook ko.”

Oh goddamn it. Right right. He doesn’t use any social media. Low-key nga pala kami.

I only nodded. “Low-key.”

“Oo low-key.” At inulit pa talaga.

Noong matapos kong i set up ang tent, binuksan ko ang malaki kong pack bag kung ano ang nadala ko. I have food here good for two, hoodies good for a night, and of course…

Wait what?

“Bakit ka may condom?” At kahit si Shiloh, sinita ’yon.

“I don’t…know…” rason ko at kinuha ang dalawang box na usual size ko. Gago. Bakit ako may ganito eh si Mavric ang kasama ko? I didn’t remember bringing any since—

The fucking demon. Mavric! I grunted unbelievably when I realized it.

Tumikhim siya at pakurap na nag-iwas ng tingin. I sighed.

“We won’t do it, alright?” I assured him.

Tumingin siya sa akin, tila ba hindi makapaniwala. “Ayos lang.”

My lips parted. I wasn’t expecting him to agree. Oh, God. I almost forgot that he has no restraint when it comes to these things. Well, yes, I’m wild. But Shiloh is the freakiest. Sa aming dalawa, siya madalas ang may gusto. And of course, as a fucking slave, I’d submit to it.

Tang ina, Brent. Parang ang anghel anghel mo pakinggan sa kabila ng pagiging fuckboy mo noon, ah? Noon ’yon. Ngayon, kahit nga wala nang ganyan at mga halik niya lang, makakaya ko na.

Itinabi ko iyon saka kami umupo sa bukas na tent. I let him sit in between my parted legs while he was busy eating the fruits I had prepared in a small container earlier. May slices ng watermelon doon, pineapple, strawberry dahil naalala ko siya at green na grapes.

“Bakit kayo lang ni Mavric ang magh-hiking?” kuryoso niyang tanong at inilapit ang slice ng watermelon sa akin.

Kinagatan ko iyon. See? He is extra clingy when he knows I’m not in the mood. No one could beat him when it comes to this. This is his expertise.

“I was pissed.”

“Bakit?” At hinaplos pa ang pang-ibabang labi ko, tila may binubura roon. Man…

I shrugged and looked away. I’m suddenly embarrassed to admit that I made a big deal out of that fucking chocolate.

“Nagseselos ka?”

I side-eyed him. “How did you know?”

“Halata ka pag nagseselos.”

I rolled my eyes and reclined my body a bit, my elbows resting to balance us since he made my chest his bed and his own pillow.

“Ano ba ’yung kinakaselos mo? Sinabi mo agad sana sa akin.”

I stared at his cheeks while he was munching the watermelon. Hinawakan ko ang mukha niya para lang mapisil iyon.

“It’s petty,” marahan kong bigkas.

“Petty pero umabot ka sa pamumundok?”

Natawa ako nang mapagtantong ang drama nga. Natawa rin siya, pero mukhang hindi niya ako titigilan kung hindi ako aamin.

“Those chocolates,” I sighed defeatedly.

Wala sa sariling napaupo siya at tiningnan ako. “Chocolates?”

I looked at his lips and wiped off the watery red on his lower lip, tasted it, and then nodded. Namula siya sa ginawa ko. At kanino ko ba ’to natutunan? Sa kanya!

“Yes. It’s nonsense. Don’t mind it. Come here…” I pulled him toward me.

“Anong nonsense? Pag ako ang nagseselos, nag eexplain ka. Tapos pag ikaw, ayaw mo akong mag explain.”

“Because it wasn’t your fault?”

“Alin ba doon na chocolate?” mahinahon niyang tanong.

The golden hour was already peaking. And when a string of lights kissed his face, his almost amber eyes sparkled.

My lips parted. “God…damn…”

Kumurap kurap siya. “Ano?”

I blink twice. “I mean… you ate that chocolate…from your admirer…” wala sa sarili kong bigkas at nakatitig sa gintong mga mata niya.

Namilog ang mga mata niya. I looked away, but I couldn’t help but look at him again. The golden hour suits him so much. He’s glowing. Kaya siguro sobrang demonyo ng pakiramdam ko minsan sa sarili ko dahil masyado siyang anghel tingnan. Huwag lang talagang palasalitaan si Shiloh dahil talagang kakaiba ang tabas ng dila niyan.

“Hindi ko talaga alam ’yon…na galing pala sa may gusto sa akin… Eh nakapangalan sa akin kaya kinain ko.”

I nodded and laid in the tent completely. “Goodnight.”

Tumawa siya at mabilis akong inalog. “Maniwala ka!”

Tinalikuran ko siya at mariing pumikit, nagkukunwaring tulog habang inaalog niya pa rin ako. I even faked a snore. Tang ina. Nakapangalan kaya kinain?! Itong isang ’to ang dali palang manakaw! Alukin mo lang ng mga gusto niya, ’yung mint chocolates, wala na, papasok na sa van nang kusa. Hindi na kailangang kaladkarin! Baka nga sa front seat pa ’yan umupo at makipagkwentuhan sa driver!

“Hoy!” tawag niya at pagalit habang hinihila ako. Siya na naman ang galit.

Tumihaya ako at malamig siyang tiningnan. “What?”

He looked at my lips. Oh, I know this moves so well! At nakakainip dahil ang tagal akong halikan. Alam niya namang ’yan lang ang gamot ko tapos si Shiloh, ang tagal tagal pang ibigay ang lunas.

“Wala lang talaga ’yon. Kinain ko ’yon dahil masarap. Pero kung alam ko na ikakasama ng loob mo—”

“S’yempre kakainin mo pa rin,” agap ko lalo na’t kabisado ko talaga ang sungay nito minsan.

He giggled and slapped my chest. Ngumuso ako lalo na’t nakakahawa ang tawa niya ngunit pigil na ngiti lang ang ginawa ko. May sama ako ng loob ah? Hindi dapat ako masaya.

“Oo nga. Kakainin ko pero hahatian kita para hindi ka magalit.” He even raised his brow like I needed to be proud of his achievement.

God. The karma of Brent Matthew Jarsdel is Shiloh Ching Escarra. Satan might be so done with me that he sent this boy into my life instead.

“Thank you for being considerate with your boyfriend. Really… I appreciate it so much…” I said sarcastically, which made him laugh and rest his head on my stomach.

“Hindi na yata pagmamahal ’to. Sama ng loob na ang pinaparamdam mo sa akin.” I murmured.

He bit my stomach, and I grunted. Fuck. I reach for his head just to stop him from doing it, but then Shiloh lifts his head, nakita ko agad sa mga mata niya na may iba siyang naiisip sa kilos ko ngayon. The innocent face, eyes flickering deviously, and that smile he would give to me when he’s giving me head, and I’d moan helplessly—Oh, good Lord.

“Hindi ko na ’yon uulitin. Hindi ko rin alam sino ang nagbigay…” he said softly while positioning himself on top of me.

I was more distracted by his movements than by his words. Inupuan ba naman ang tiyan ko.

“Ahuh…” I nodded and slightly rose up when I rested my elbows.

“Mahal kita, Brent. Wala akong pakialam sa iba…” he whispered while leaning closer, like an expert angel tempting a devil to surrender his sins.

And of course, I am a slave to this. The words. The two words. I shivered. Hindi siya ganito ka vocal minsan kaya ngayong sinasabi niya, alam ko na seryoso siya.

I was still in the middle of processing his words when he brushed his lips on my lips, I realized they were already parted because of my gasp.

His hand was now on the side of my neck, his head tilting to the side while he was slightly half awake, his eyes drunkenly looking at me like he was trying to hypnotize me through those gazes. And he fucking won again.

Magaling na siyang humalik simula noong tinuruan ko siya. Hindi lamang siya nanghahalik lalo na’t dinadaanan niya rin ng marahang haplos ang batok ko paakyat sa buhok ko at hahagurin iyon na ikakatindig ng balahibo ko.

“Really? You’re so in love with me that you can’t even breathe without me? Really, baby?” I whispered breathily against his lips as I slowly wrapped my arm around his small waist.

Marahan siyang humalakhak sa labi ko at tinikman ulit ang akin, hinagod ng halik at inilandas ang dila niya sa pang-ibaba kong labi. Fuck, Shiloh.

But then I couldn’t erase the smile from my lips anymore. “Naubos mo ba ’yung chocolates? Kahit pati ’yung nagbigay kainin mo ng buo, I don’t mind. I’d be happy to watch you eat, baby.”

Humalakhak siya lalo at napapasandal na ang ulo sa aking balikat kakatawa niya.

“Under ka talaga ’no?”

I arched my brow. The boys roast me for it. Well, I accepted it. But…

“We both know I’m the top,” I uttered meaningfully.

Before he could even process it, I had already flipped our position until I hovered over him, and he was now under me. I smirked cockily.

“You’ve tried touching yourself, right?” I asked raspily.

He nodded submissively. Shiloh has always been the dominant one when it comes to this. He always surprises me with his freaky side. But this side, submissive and still wild, is fucking torture.

“How do you do it?” I slowly guided his hand to mine. “Can you…do it?”

His face heated, but the determination to do it was strong. I know he wants it too. Lalo na’t hindi ko na kailangang igiya pa papasok ang kamay niya at kusa niya iyong dinaanan ng haplos. He palmed it like he knew how to start a fire that might turn into a wildfire—a heat that could burn my body into ashes…

I gulped and watched him sleepily.

“Huwag kang pumikit,” he commanded and slipped his hand in.

Fuck. Ako ’yung nanghamon pero ngayon, ako naman ang tumitiklop.

I tried to stay awake when he wrapped it around his palm, his thumb on the tip, while he slightly made a circular movement while caressing it. I gasped when it electrified my body. Sa lambot ng kamay niya, halos manginig ako kahit wala pa siyang ginagawa.

“God…damn…” I breathe helplessly.

His movements were slow, yet he knows how pleasure works. I restrained myself from touching him when I’m aching so bad to make him scream right now.

“Tapos may mga iniimagine ako,” he conversed.

“Hmm? Like what?” I asked in a slurry voice.

“Na may ibang gumagawa sa akin noon. Ibang kamay ’yon. ’Yung labi niya… nasa tainga ko at…naririnig ko na… sarap na sarap siyang panoorin ako dahil sa…ungol niya.”

I shivered. His words were seductive. He sounded angelic, and yet the words created such a sudden hell with burning fire in my body that I was already twitching. He fucking knows now how to use  dirty talks!

I leaned closer so he could properly hear my whimpers when he moved his hand teasingly.

“Shiloh,” I called helplessly.

I’ve seen how breathe heavily, almost helpless, his parting.

“What else?” I asked, grazing the tip of my nose on the side of his jaw.

“Hinahalikan niya ako sa leeg.”

I leaned in and brushed my lips against his smooth skin, teasing it with my teeth and skimming it with my tongue before giving it a quick suck. His breath became ragged, and his hand on my throbbing member became so fast that I could really tell he was enjoying it. Mabibigat na rin ang paghinga niya na nahahaluan ng munting halinghing.

“Hinahawakan ako sa dibdib…” he uttered deliriously.

And just like how he said it, my hand crawled inside his shirt until my thumb found his nipple and slightly made a circular movement as I continued to give him neck kisses.

“Brent,” he called, almost a cry. His hands were already moving so fast that I could already tell we were both feeling it.

“Yeah? What else, baby?”

Lumiyad siya. I don’t need to confirm that he’s hard right now. His expression looked so sensual that I could already tell I turned him on so badly. I grunted and moaned weakly, halos hingal at mabibigat ang paghinga nang binilisan niya lalo.

“Fuck, Shiloh…”

“Masarap?” he asked in his soft and angelic voice.

My answer turned into a low growl as I lowered my body. Nakakapanghina. And Shiloh is just too good at making me suffer that he guided my tip into his bulge, and he started grinding.

I opened my eyes because I was so shocked. But his glassy eyes, parted lips, and helpless yet sensual, innocent face welcomed me, worsening the desire I feel for him. I caressed his cheek just to confirm he’s real and I’m not hallucinating because of his alluring beauty, but the moment my thumb touched his lips, he parted it and swirled his tongue on my finger nastily.

Uminit ang bawat sulok ng katawan ko, na kahit malamig naman sa labas, pakiramdam ko lumiliyab ang buong loob ng tent at nasa gitna kami ng desyerto.

I was a player back in the day. I’ve done foreplays to satisfy someone just to add to the heat, but this time, I was too weak to even move when I watched him suck my finger like it was his favorite dessert while looking at me with those glassy eyes and innocent face.

“I’ll get the condoms—fuck!” I grunted when I felt my twitching member rubbing his! Hindi ko man lang namalayan na ipinagdikit niya na iyon.

He was sucking my thumb while rubbing his hard member on mine, and all I could do was growl weakly. One more stroke, and I lost it. It was already too much. I was panting hard, grunting from my hot release, while Shiloh was rocking me continuously.

“Ang sakit ng balakang ko,” reklamo niya kinaumagahan.

I smirked and pulled his waist toward me, my lips on the side of his head as I chuckled. “I’m sorry. You were so naughty that I lost control…”

Pababa na kaming dalawa. Parang hindi ko na kayang manatili kami sa tent. Nadisturbo yata namin lahat ng mga hayop na nananahimik sa bundok na ito dahil sa ingay namin.

“Nasa’n na ’yung I’ll be gentle?” Sinamaan niya ako ng tingin.

I laughed and kissed his head. “You know, you should see yourself in the mirror sometimes when you’re turned on, so you would understand my situation.”

Tila ba may naiisip siya. “May sinabing ganyan sa akin si Mavric eh…”

Napawi ang ngiti ko. Kung kanina, medyo naiwan pa sa katawan ko ’yung init dahil sa nangyari kagabi, ngayon ay nanlalamig na ako sa kilabot dahil kay Mavric. Pag usapang bastos talaga, hindi nawawala ang pangalan no’n.

“Losing a friend is hard, Shiloh. But you can cope with it for sure. I’ll date you always so you won’t miss that motherfucker once I bury him alive.”

Tumawa siya. I grazed my tongue on my lower lip as I tried to recall why Mavric and I became close.

Pagbaba namin, may signal na. Hinintay nalang namin ang boys lalo na’t dinala rin nila ang kotse ko. Oo minsan hilig ng circle ko na asarin ako na hiwalayan na ni Shiloh, pero pag totoong nagtatampuhan kami ni Shiloh, sila rin ang naghahanap ng paraan para pagbatiin agad kami. Although it’s already an inside joke that I am not Shiloh’s boyfriend in our circle, they would also kill me if I broke up with this shorty.

Kung si Shiloh ang nakipaghiwalay… s’yempre ako pa rin ang papatayin nila. Kaya mas mabuting magbati nalang talaga.

“Ano? Bati na?” tanong ni Rick nang huminto na ang kotse ko sa gilid ng kalsada at may isa pang kotse na nakasunod, ang BMW ni Tyler.

“Bati na ’yan!” si Tyler na lumabas ang kalahating katawan sa front seat at mukhang si Mavric yata ang nagmamaneho ng kotse niya.

“Pag malaki ang ngisi ni Jarsdel at mukha na namang tuko kung makadikit kay Shiloh, bati na ’yan,” si Con na nasa backseat ng aking kotse.

“Kahit pa rin naman nagtatampo si Brent para pa ring mukhang tuko tingnan,” ani Ron na dumungaw rin ang ulo sa backseat ng kotse ni Tyler.

I showed my middle finger to them while opening the door on the front seat of my car for Shiloh. Lumabas si Rick sa driver’s seat at inihagis ang susi sa akin na agaran kong sinalo saka siya lumipat sa back seat.

Lumabas din ang ulo ni Mavric na nasa driver’s seat at ngumisi agad. “You’re welcome…”

This demon! “I’ll beat the shit out of you later, Mav.”

“Do it hard, Brent. I like it rough…” Kindat niya sa akin saka sumabog ang tawanan nila Ron, Tyler at Mavric. Mga gago!

Pumasok ako sa driver’s seat at pinaandar din ang kotse. Si Rick ang nasa likod namin, nakahalukipkip at katabi si Connor na ngumiti pa kay Shiloh nang nilingon sila saglit.

“Sa bahay nila Angela, Brent. The girls are waiting for us,” ani Tyler nang lumebel ang BMW niyang kotse sa gilid ko.

I nodded and glanced at Shiloh for a while who’s busy with his phone. Inabot ko ang kanyang kamay para hawakan iyon. Tumingin lang si Shiloh saglit at hinayaan niyang ipagsalikop ko.

“Tang ina. Ibangga mo nalang Brent. Total papatayin mo rin naman kami sa inggit, tuluyan mo nalang kami ni Con,” malutong na reklamo ni Rick at natatawa siyang inakbayan ni Con.

Humalakhak kami ni Shiloh saka ko pinatakan ng halik ang kanyang kamay. Payapa niya akong nginitian at wala na yata akong mahihiling pa kundi ang makita siya na laging ganito ka saya.

Between the Rainbow Self Published Book

Hello, irys! Between the Rainbow is now available for pre-order!

⁃    1 Person can order up to 3 Strawberry Version and/or 3 Cigarette Version only.

    ⁃    If you are ordering both versions, you should fill out separate forms for your Strawberry and Cigarette Order/s.

    ⁃    Even though you have multiple orders, only 1 Entry will be recorded in the First 100 Fully-paid for the Special Dedication.

    ⁃    If 1 person is paying for multiple orders which should be delivered to different addresses, fill out separate Preorder Forms per address, and just list down all the Order Codes in 1 Payment Form after paying.

Book cover:

🍓 STRAWBERRY VERSION

₱1299 PESOS *Shipping and Packaging Fees excluded     ⁃    Book (with Bookmark & Postcard)     ⁃    2 Photocards     ⁃    Poster     ⁃    Keychain     ⁃    Bracelet

🚬 CIGARETTE VERSION

₱999 PESOS *Shipping and Packaging Fees excluded     ⁃    Book (with Bookmark & Postcard)     ⁃    Random Photocard

🍓🚬 PREORDER PERIOD:

    ⁃    February 14 - May 14, 2025

🍓🚬 PAYMENT OPTIONS:

    ⁃    FULL PAYMENT: ₱1299 / ₱999 + Shipping + Packaging DOP: MAY 14, 2025

    ⁃    INSTALLMENT

First Payment     ⁃    STRAWBERRY: P799     ⁃    CIGARETTE: P599 DOP: MAY 14, 2025

Second Payment     ⁃    STRAWBERRY: P300 + Shipping Fee     ⁃    CIGARETTE: P250 + Shipping Fee DOP: JUNE 14, 2025

Third Payment     ⁃    STRAWBERRY: P200 + Packaging Fee     ⁃    CIGARETTE: P150 + Packaging Fee DOP: JUNE 29, 2025

🍓🚬 GCASH INFO CAN BE FOUND ON THE FORMS.

The link to the pre-order and payment form is available on SAY CREATIVES’ Facebook page. You can also follow them on Instagram: saycreatives.

Note : The book contains three special chapters for Brent and Shiloh’s point of view, while the third special chapter will be revealed only in the book.

Thank you so much for supporting the SAC SERIES. I love you, irys! Happy Valentine’s Day!