Prologue

“I don’t want to choose, don’t make me choose who and what I should choose” I said to hher shaking my head.

Am I stupid because I can’t not choose her? I can’t let her go, I can’t leave her.

“We need to let go each other” She said crying and shaking, it was raining heavily but I could still hear the pain in her sobs. “Please, don’t choose me now, even just now, I’m begging you” she begged me.

Umiiyak na umiling ako. “I love you, Abby, you know that…” Nasasaktan na ako, bakit kailangan naming umabot sa ganito? kahit kailan ko pang mamili?

“I know and I love you too but it’s not enough” her chest pounded as she cried, my heart ached with her cries. “I love you, so I want you to leave for yourself and your family”

I shook my head and was about to speak but she spoke again.

“Our love will not be enough now, anong gagawin natin sa pagmamahal na alam nating may kulang”

Capturing Hearts

This is a work of fiction. The characters, places, events are fictious. Any similarities to a person living or dead, actual events and historical fact is purely coincidental.

Chapter 1

I am looking at Agustina, who is not looking at me. I don’t know what’s going through her mind, I don’t know what’s going on with her husband David, we see that they’re really messed up and they don’t like what’s going on. But David had a problem, umamin si David kay Agustina na gusto niya ito.

“Are you sure about that? Why does it seem like a mess” I looked at Maya, she was right, messy and we don’t know talaga.

Bumuntong hininga siya ng sobrang lakas at malalim.

“Hindi ko alam, sobrang naguguluhan na talaga ako sa kanya.”

“Nasubukan mo na bang kausapin?” Tanong ko at uminom ng kape. Nakita ko si Joshua at Cristal na kababa lang, kagigising lang nila. “O ano?”

“I don’t know, I am not satisfied with his explanation” Umupo silang dalawa sa tabi ko, si Joshua, kagigising lang pero gusto na agad makipag chismisan.

“Ano ’yan? ’Yung baliw mo ba na asawa?” He said. We looked at him and I laughed. “He’s so funny talaga”

“No, stop talking” Tumayo si Agustina kaya sinundan namin siya ng tingin. “Sige na, puntahan ko ’yung asawa ko at magtatrabaho ako ngayon”

The four of us just shook our heads, I stood up because I still have class, Yes, I’m still studying and my other cousin has finished and is already working at the Del Mundo’s big company.

“I am tired” My day has not yet finished and I am tired. Binatukan ko si Joshua dahil kanina pa siya nang-aasar at sigaw nang sigaw. “Baliw ka ba?”

“Sadista ka talaga!” Tumawa lang sila Cristal na kasabay namin sa kotse, nag-aaral pa rin sila pero hindi kami same ng Universities, magkakasama lang kami sa bahay pero magkakahiwalay kami ng pinapasukan. “Sakit!”

Dinuro ko siya “Aba, huwag mo sirain ang araw ko!” sigaw ko at akmang ibabato ko sa kanya ang hawak kong bag.

“Ang init naman ng ulo ng mga tao ngayon!” asik pa niya. “Ako lagi ang ginag–”

“Ikaw nga yung gago dyan, pare!” nakisali si Cris sa kanya. “Mamaya mo na kami gaguhin, may pasok kami”

“Whatever”

“Tarantado ka talaga” Tumawa ng malakas si Cristal, pinalo pa si Joshua. Ang babaliw talaga nitong mga pinsan ko. “Mamaya na gabi, or sa susunod kasi nagdodorm pala minsam ’to si Abby kapag pagod.”

Because the university I attend is really far away, sometimes I can’t go home and I’m too tired to go home to our mansion. I have a lot of work to do since I am a Business Management student, finals are coming up so I need to focus.

“Goodluck, Abby” Joshua said to me because I was the last one he delivered at my school. “Don’t stress too much, okay? You can do it!”

I smiled at him, kahit loko-loko ’yan may pagkamatino pa rin naman siyang kausap at maasahan. “Eat your food and dont’t forget to eat and sleep okay?”

“Yes, tatay” pang-aasar ko sa kanya dahilan para sumimangot siya sa akin. “Joke lang, galit ka na naman” Lumapit ako sa kanya at humalik sa piangi niya. “Ingat ka, Josh”

“Alam ko beh” Gago talaga ’to. “Mag-iingat ako, ikaw kumain ka ha? Ingatan mo rin sarili mo, tawagan mo ako o kami kapag may kailangan ka.”

Daig niya pa talaga mga tatay namin eh, siya na talaga minsan ang nagiging tatay sa aming magpipinsan. Natatawang tumango ako, hinintay ko siya makaalis sa harap ng Univ ko bago ako pumasok.

I just held my breath because my body can’t really take it right now, I feel like I’m still tired from the parties and sins that happened between Agustina and David.

I walked down the hallway, many students were already here, others were hanging out in the garden while studying and the mother was playing.

I looked at the way to the BSBA department, my eyes caught Andy and Jerico who were also approaching me.

They are also my friends and classmates.

“Oh nandito na pala si Ganda!” bola sa akin ni Jerico at inakbayan ako. “Kanina ka pa ba?”

Siniko ko siya dahil ang bigat ng braso niya. “Kadarating ko lang, kayo ba?” bumeso ako kay Andy, nakangiti ito sa akin. Kakaiba na naman ang ngiti ng isang ’to.

“Kanina pa kami” si Andy ang nagsalita at sumagot sa akin. “Nagpunta kami ng Art and Design Department, nandun si Max—” kaagad na tinakpan ko ang bibig niya, si Jerico naman ay tumawa ng sobrang lakas.

“Ano ba?!” hiyaw ko sa kanilang dalawa, gusto na naman nila akong asarin, palagi na lang. “Mamaya may makarinig—”

“Ano naman” si Jerico at ginulo ang buhok ko. “Crush mo lang naman”

“Oo nga, crush ko lang pero kung umasta kayo dyan para higit pa sa crush ang gusto ko.” Umirap ako at nagsimula na maglakad, gusto ko na pumasok sa room at magpahinga habang wala pang klase.

I sigh when I remembered what they saying to me.

Because I really have a crush on Maxlene, the course she is taking is Photography in the Art and Design course. I have known her for a long time because we have known each other because of a professor of ours in a subject that is the same as on our course.

She’s beautiful, tall and I know that everyone will really like her, she has beautiful hair, lips, eyes and the beautiful body that Andy always says. Minsan ko na siyang nakita sa gym ng universities kaya masasabi kong maayos ang hubog ng katawan niya.

I didn’t stare at her too much because she had a boyfriend, I only noticed everything about her once so I can say that. Everything I mentioned or described about her is true.

She is the definition of perfect you would say to a girl. She is so beautiful and perfect compared to me, I can’t say anything more. She is more than everything and anyone.

“Oh, ang lalim na naman ng iniisip mo” puna sa akin ni Andy, kinalikot niya ang hubla ng buhok. “Siya na naman iniisip mo ’no?” Sumimangot ako dahil gagatol na naman si Jerico.

“Ang tagal mo na siyang napapansin, beh! mag-dadalawang—”

“Hayaan nyo na, dalawang taon palang naman, kaunti lang iyon.” Nagbuklat ako ng papel ko at nagbasa, may naiintidihan naman ako kahit ang daldal nitong dalawa kong kasama. Hindi na tumigil ang  bunganga.

“Sure ka ba hindi ka aamin?” Kumunot ang noo ko.

I am not desperate, my boyfriend siya at I respect their relationnship. Crush lang naman ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya at wala ng  iba pa. Wala akongg hinahangad na kahit ano.

“Ang pangit kaya ng boyfriend niya, kahit sila bagay!” si Andy na tinanguan naman ni Rico.

“Oo nga! May issue kaya ’yun, manloloko raw!” Napatigil ako sa pagbabasa, nilingon ko silang dalawa.

Is it true? Maxl’s boyfriend has an issue? That her boyfriend is a cheater or whatever.

“Issue?” I asked them, tumango silang dalawa at nakinig na naman ako.

“Cheater ’yun, dami raw naging babae sa unang Universities na pinasukan niya.” si Rico at umupo sa tabi ko. Sinandal ang ulo sa aking balikat. “Kaya ewan ko, nangangamba nga ako para kay Maxl, ang gandang babae para lokohin.”

“Malay ninyo naman ay nagbago na ’yung boyfriend ni Maxl?” nakita ko ang pag-make face nilang dalawa sa akin, nakita ko si Rico dahil lumayo na siya sa akin.

Nasisiraan na ba sila ng bait?

“Are serious?” si Andy habang naniningkit ang mga mata sa akin, si Rico halos bumaliktad na ang nguso. “Hindi magbabago ang cheater!”

“Oo nga, cheater ’yun, sana maghiwalay sila”

“Hoy, grabe kayo” Umiling ako at iniwan na sa kanila ang tingin ko. “Tama na ’yan”

I thought about what they said and especially about the issue they were talking about Maxl’s boyfriend, even though I was losing my mind even though I had a crush on her, I don’t know why I suddenly got nervous for Maxl. Aware kaya siya sa issue ng boyfriend niya?

Naipasa at naiahon ko naman ang exam at quizzes sa araw na ito, masyadong marami at nakakalunod. Imbis na mag-aaral na lang para sa finals, marami pa kaming mga exam at ibang quizzes sa ibang subj at puro mga minors pa!

Hinilot ko ang ulo ko, nagsisismula na namang sumakit. Tumayo ako at nag-unat. Tignan ko ang mga kaklase ko at ’yung dalawa, lahat sila bagsak sa sunod-sunod na exam at quizzes. Ang iba ay nakatungo at natutulog na sa table.

Napailing na lang ako. Ganito pala talaga kabigat ang college, kung sabagay ay halos hindi na nga ako makatulog at makakain ng maayos. Inisiip ko pa kung maisasalba ko ’yung finals ko dahil hindi naman ako makapag-review nang maayos, sa dami ng pinapagawa at dapat gawin.

Pinilig ko ang leeg ko, hinawakan ko ang likod ni Andy dahil nakapikit pa rin siya hanggang ngayon.

She looked at me, tired, I smiled a bit. I feel her.

“Let’s eat, my treat” Nakita kong mabilis na umangat ang ulo ni Rico nang sabihin ko iyon, hindi talaga siya magpapatalo basta sa libre.

“Himala, treat niya” asar pa nito sa akin. Tumayo siya at hinatak si Andy na nakangit na ngayon kung kanina ay parang kawawa sila ngayon namam ay masiglang-masigla sila. “Tamang-tama ay nagugutom na kami dahil sa exam at quizzes”

Umiling na lang ako. I walked where they were going because they were holding me so I didn’t bother to complain, I was hungry and really tired today din.

I was already tired when I woke up, I was even more tired, grabe.

Gusto ko na magtapos para makapagpahinga na ako, atleast wala ng exam at quizzes sa company namin kapag natapos na ako.

“What do you want to eat?” tanong ko sa kanilang dalawa, nakaharap na sila sa menu at halos kuminang ang mga mata nila.

Goss, gutom talaga sila, hindi talaga halata.

“I want siomai rice, extra rice and extra chili” si Andy, tumango ako at hinintay naman ang kay Rico.

“Gusto ko si Crush” binatukan siya ni Andy. “Siraulo!” sigaw nito habang nakahawak sa ulo niya.

“Kaysa ako ang umamin, ikaw ang umamin” angal ko at umupo sa tabi ni Andy. “Ano ngang kakainin mo?”

Ngumuso siya. “Gusto ko rin ng siomai rice at mga extra”

Tumayo ako at pumili na, masyadong mahaba ang pila at maraming tao ngayon sa cafeteria palibhasa ay break na rin ng mga estudyante.

I was fiddling with my phone while waiting, I could see my cousins ​​making noise in our group chat again.

Joshua: Uy, Kumusta na kaya si Abbyngot

Tumaas ang kilay ko sa sinabi niya, nakita ko pang may apat na nakareact dun.

Cris: Masusuntok ka na talaga ni Abby

Cristal: Kung ako kay Abby, patulugin ka na

Maya: Miss ko na nga si Abby, wala akong maasar

Agustina: Nandyan na si Abby, naka-seen naman siya

Nagtipa ako nang mabilis dahil nakikita ko na naman ang typings ni Joshua, keyboard warrior talaga siya.

Abby:

Ako na naman nakita mo, Joshua!!!

Na-seen nilang lahat iyon, naging lima agad ang haha react sa reply ko. Natatawa akong naghihintay, kulit talaga ng mga ito.

Joshua: Musta ka dyan, beh? May boyfriend ka na ba agad?

Tarantadong ’to talaga, wala na siyang sinabi at ginagawang tama kapag ako ang nakikita.

Kagaya sa akin ay nagkaroon na naman ng mga react ang kaniyang chat, baliw na baliw talaga ang mga ito.

Abby:

Ew, mag-aaral ako kaysa magkaboyfriend

Pinagtawanan na naman nila ang chat ko dahilan para mapunit talaga ang aking labi kakangiti.

Cris: Ay baka girlalu ang gusto niya

Joshua: Siguro nga, so sinong babae mo @Abbigail Del Mundo

Naka-mention na ako kaya mas lalo akong natawa.

Cristal: Baka may crush na ’yan

Maya: Pakilala mo naman kami

Napailing na lang ako bago magtipa dahil malapit na ako sa pila.

Abby:

Ayoko, madaldal pa naman kayo

Natatawang pinatay ko ang phone ko kita ko pa ngang nag react sila sa chat ko.

I’m second in line, I’m really just waiting because I’m hungry too, my stomach can’t take it anymore.

I looked in front, I was really close when someone called me.

“Abby”

I don’t know but I immediately swallowed when I heard her, that voice was her. Dahan-dahan ko siyang nilingon kahit nabibingi na agad ako sa lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko.

“Maxl” tawag ko sa pangalan niya. My eyes blinked when I finally faced her, she was wearing brown trousers and white longsleeves that were folded up to her elbows, her hair was tied so I could see that her bangs were falling.

She’s so handsome and beautiful. I can’t take my eyes on her.

“Abby, sino kasama mo?” natigil ang titig ko sa kanya ng tanungin niya ako, lumapit siya sa akin, I inhaled when I smelled her strawberry perfume. “Pwedeba akong sumabay sayo kung wala kang kasama?”

I swallowed hard. “Y-Yes, but I am with Jerico at Andy”

Sa loob-loob ko ay mamamatay na ako s akaba at inis sa sarili ko, nakuha ko pang mautal samantalang tinatanong lang naman niya ako.

She looked at me and smiled. Anong nakakangiti?

“Let me help you” Kumuha siya ng tray sa gilid at bumalik sa akin. “Let me order for us” Hindi ako makapagsalita hanggang sa malapit na kami sa counter, siya na ang kausap ni Miss na nagtitiinda.

Nasa tabi lang niya ako, pinapakinggan ko ang mga boses niyang sobrang kalmado. Anyone will just listen to hernwhen she talks, it’s so beautiful to listen to.

I also looked at her while she was talking, she was so beautiful that I didn’t wonder why many people like her even though she already has a boyfriend, nothing can beat the beauty she exudes, at ako na rin mismo ang nabibihag ng kagandahan niya.

Goss, Bading na rin ba ako? Bakit pakiramdam ko bading na bading ako sa kanya?

“Abby, let’s go” natigil ang kahibangan ko nang magsalita siya. “Are you okay?” She asked me. “Mukhang hindi ka okay”

Naging aligaga ako agad. “N-No! I am fine, p-pagod lang talaga ako” I said at lumingon na sa table kung nasaan ’yung dalawang kasama ko. “Let’s go”

Hindi ko na siya narinig nagsalita pa, siya na rin ang nagpresintang magbuhay ng tray kung nasaan ang order namin.

“Abbyngot— Ay gago!” si Rico nang makita si Maxl sa tabi ko, ngumiti ito sa kanila. “M-Maxl? Bakit napadpad dito?” Nilapag ni Maxl ang tray sa table namin.

Nilingon ako ni Andy halatang gusto niya akong asarin pero ayaw niyang ipahalata dahil kasama namin si Maxl.

“Nakita ko si Abby kanina sa pila kaya sumama na ako sa kanya, ayos lang ba na sumabay ako sa inyo?”

Umupo na ako, she looked at me and I don’t know why.

““And Abby doesn’t seem to be feeling well”

I didn’t reveal that I closed my eyes tightly because Jerico and Andy started to smile again. Ang baliw!

“I am fine, pagod lang dahil nag-exam at quizzes kami” Mukhang hindi pa rin siya nakumbinsi pero pinaupo na siya ni Jerico sa tabi niya. “Let’s eat”

Habang kumakain ay silang tatlo lang ang nag-uusap, wala rin naman kasi akong sasabihin at nahihiya talaga akong magsalita kay Maxl.

“How are you and your boyfriend, Maxl?” Andy asked and I turned to Maxl because I also wanted to hear her answer.

How is she with her boyfriend? Are they okay? Maybe he’s not cheating on Maxl, right?

Nilingon ako ni Maxl bago siya sumagot.

“Ayos lang  kami, busy” She asked calmly and start eating her siomai rice. “Why?” She asked back.

“Nothing, Maybe concern lang sila Andy sa’yo” I smiled a bit at her, she just look at me. Hindi ko talaga alam ang mga tingin niyang iyon. Umiwas na lang ako agad.

“Gusto ko na umuwi!” si Rico habang nag-aayos ng gamit niya. Uwian na rin naman at may sundo na siya, si Andy ay nauna na dahil kasabay niya ang pinsan niya sa kabilang course. “Ikaw, Abby, sino kasabay mo? May susundo ba sayo?” nilapitan niya ako at kinuha ang gamit ko.

“Byahe na lang ako, sa dorm ako ngayong gabi” Sumabay ako sa kanya paglabas ng room, bitbit niya pa rin ang gamit ko.

“Sabay ka na sa akin” Sabi niya sa akin, umiling ako. May dadaanan pa kasi ako, gusto ko daanan si Maxl sa Studio.

“Dadaan ako Studio” nanlaki ang mga mata niya, lumayo pa sa akin para masigurado niya na totoo ba sinasabi ko. “Seryoso nga”

“Wow, anong sumasapi sayo at ikaw talaga nag-aadjust?” niloloko pa niya ako. “Ang baliw–” inagaw ko sa kanya ang bag ko at hinampas iyon sa kanya. “Aw”

“Tigilan mo ako ha!” akmang hahampasin ko siya ulit ng lumayo pa siya sa akin. “Umuwi ka na, uuwi na rin ako”

“Sure ka ha? Pwede naman kitang samahan at hintayin para maihatid na kita” umiling ako at humalik sa pisngi niya. “Abby” tawag niya pa ulit.

“I am fine, Rico, oki? Don’t worry, makakauwi akong buo”

“Sure ba ’yan? Baka kaini––Joke lang!” bawi niya talaga umamba akong ibabato sa kanya ang bag ko. “Basta umuwi ka! Huwag kang marupok!”

Anong marupok? What is that? Hindi naman ako marupok.

Nang umalis siya ay tinahak ko na ang daan papuntang studio, nakikita ko mula sa salamin at pinto na bukas pa ang ilaw doon, sure akong may tao pa.

Sumilip ako sa salamin ng pinto. I saw Maxl there, holding her camera and looking at something there. Marami rin nakakalat na mga prop, backdrop at ibang camera sa table.

Tintignan ko lang siya habang nasa camera niya pa rin ang tingin. “Ang ganda niya” I said, I can see how much she loves her passion and course, I really do.

I can see that she has a lot of passion and loves what she does, I even once knew and heard from Professor Reyes that she was hiring at  modeling agency but she said she didn’t take it because she was still studying and had other things to do.

What if kinuha niya lahat ng opportunities para sa kanya? Nag-aaral palang siya ang dami na niyang nakukuha mula sa ibang tao.

Natigil ang pag-iisip ko ng may bahagyang gumalaw sa unahan ko. Maxl was there looking at me as he held the door open.

“Abby” she called me, she continued to open the door. “What are you doing here, Abby? It’s late” she said to me calmly.

Nanatili akong tahimik, hindi alam kung anong isasagot ko. My heart is strong when she’s not there but when I’m in front of her I don’t know what to do and say.

She just kept looking at me silently as if she was feeling me, we were feeling each other.

“Come in, Abby” She said, yumuko ako at nagsimulang pumasok na sa loob.

The whole room was enveloped in her strawberry scent.

“Tell me, why are you here, Abby”

Chapter 2

She just looking at me, waiting for my answer.

Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit ako nandito, bakit ako pumunta at gusto siyang makita. Mali ba iyon? Alam kong mali pero hindi ko alam, gusti ko lang siyang dalawin at makita kung anong ginagawa niya.

Para naman sa akin siguro, hindi lang ito bilang kakilala at kaibigan niya pero kung sa kanya ay alam kong kaibigan lang tingin niya rito.

I know that. I am very  aware

“Bawal ba?” Ako naman ang nagtanong, nakatingin pa rin siya sa akin. “We are friends, right?” dagdag ko pa.

I don’t know sa kung anong matatawag kong pagtingin niya sa akkin, bakit parang ang lalim o ako lang nag-iisip nito?

“I just want to be here sa studio, titignan ko lang dahil nnabalitaan ko may photoshoot daw kanina”

She didn’t say anything so I followed her to the table where the camera equipment was. She held it and turned to me.

“Katatapos lang ng photoshoot para sa intrams” she said softly. “What are your plans for intrams? I heard from Professor Reyes that you are playing badminton” Oh

Hilig talaga magkwento ni Professor Reyes ng kahit ano rito kay Maxl, kaya nagiging parsng chismosa na rin ito. Mana na kila Jerico at Andy.

“Nothing and I don’t know, malapit na ang finals” Nanatili akong nakatayo at nakatingin sa isa’t-isa.

Tumango siya sa akin, tinuro niya ang sofa na nasa gilid ko. “Sit down, Ihahatid kita pauwi, aayusin ko lang ito lahat”

Umupo ako sa sofa na tinuturo niya. Nilingon ko siyang nag-aayos ng mga gamit sa table.

We were enveloped in silence again, I didn’t even know what to say so I better not speak.

The only thing I did was to look around the studio, their studio is big, maybe a few people can fit in it, the necessary equipment is also complete at wala ka rin naman ibang hahanapin pa.

I stopped looking when Maxl approached me. “Abby, do you want me to take a picture of you?” bahagyang umawang ang bibig ko. She’s waiting for me to answer and I am sure na natutunaw na ako sa mga tingin na ibinibigay niya.

“W-Why?” hindi ko alam saan ako kinakabahan. Bakit bigla niyang gusto akong picture-ran? Ano kayang pumasok sa isip nito.

She was just looking at me so my chest was starting to pound again. Hilig niya akong titigan, kapag ako natunaw dito ay kasalanan niya.

She sighed, holding her camera. Does she really want to take a picture of me?

“I just want to take a picture of you and give it to you tomorrow since my classmate’s laptop is not here” She explained without taking her eyes off me.

“Are you sure? Do you think I still look good enough for you to take a picture of me?” I asked gently.

Gumalaw ang panga niya, may mali ba sa sinabi ko?

“Yes, You are so pretty, you can’t see yourself tonight?” What? May tinuro siya sa gilid ko na naman. “Look at yourself in the mirror”

Hindi ako kumibo, kinakabahan na talaga ako at hindi ko alam kung bakit siya ganito kumilos ngayon, nanibago ako bigla.

“I am sorry, You really looks like a model, I am sorry because suddenly I acted like this, I made you uncomfortable” She washed her face and looked at me again. “Abby, can you be my model?” She asked me again.

Model? is she serious? She wants me to be a model of her?

“Why? kinabahan na talaga ako. “Model? Bakit hindi ang boyfriend mo?” Balik na tanong ko sa kanya. Tinignan niya lang ako.

“I want woman to be my model” She said again, gently while holding her camera. I’ve been noticing her voice for a while, this morning actually. Hindi naman siya ganito magsalita sa iba kahit noon pa.

“Pag-iisipan ko, I have a lot things to do, If I can’t please choice other female”

Her jaw tightened again, but she shook her head at the same time. What is happening to her?

“You are my chosen model, A week has passed and I don’t know how to talk to you about being a model” Ako naman ang napanganga sa kaniyamg  sinabi, matagal na pala, isang linggo na paano kung hindi niya nagawa iyon dahil alam ko namang parte ng course niya ito.

“What? Isang linggo na pero ngayon mo lang sinabi” Dahan-dahan siyang tumango sa akin, mukhang nahiya pa siya dahil nakayuko na siya nang bahagya. “Hindi na pala, sige, pumapayag na akong—”

“N-No! I am sorry, you can think about it!” Naging aligaga siya bigla. “I am not in hurry, Abby”

Ako ang umiling. “Its fine, kailan ba tayo magsisimula?” tanong ko at tumayo na. “It’s fine, Maxlene” I said.

“Are you sure?” parang siya naman ang hindi nahing sure ngayon. Tumango ako. “I won’t force you”

“You are not forcing me, Don’t worry” I assured her. Nakita ko ang ginhawa sa kaniyang mukha at mata.

Her eyes are so pretty, I love brown.

“Okay, Kailan ka free? Ayokong makaabala sa finals mo at sa kung anongg dapat mo gawin” Niligpit niya at nilagay niya ang camera sa kanyang camera bag.

Nilingon ko naman siya. “How about you? Model lang ako, Ikaw ay photographer, You will be the one who can set” Nilapitan niya ako nang maayos na siya, nakasukbit sa balikat niya ang camera bag niya.

“Maybe friday or saturday? Are you busy that days?” Asked me calmly. “Tell me, Can I give you my number?” Nakalabas na kami ng studio nang ilabas niya ang phone niya, nakabukas na iyon sa  contact. “Type your number, Thank you”

Kinuha ko ang phone niya, naghihintay lang siya sa akin habang nagtitipa ako ng number ko roon.

Silence enveloped us again while I was doing that on her cell phone, she didn’t say anything but I could feel her gaze lingering on me.

Before I finished the last number, I saw a notification message.

Gerald: I miss you,  are you home? Call me

It’s her boyfriend, Gerald. Mabilis na tinype ang isang numero at mabilis na binigay sa kanya ang cellphone niya, nagulat pa siya sa inakto pero agad niya itong kinuha.

“Thank you…”

Tahimik kaming lumabas ng campus, nasa unahan lang ang parking ng mga private kaya nadaanan namin iyon.

Napayakap ako sa sarili ko dahil sa simoy ng hangin na tumama sa amin, gabi na, maganda ang simoy ng hangin at maginhawa ngunit hindi mapigilan ng katawan ko ang manlamig.

“Here” nilagay sa akin ni Maxl ang blazer niya, nasa tapat na pala kami ng kotse niya at nakabukas iyon. “Ihahatid na kita,  Abbigail”

Naghihintay ang boyfriend niya sa kanya kaya ayokong ihatid niya ako.

I quickly returned the blazer I was wearing to her, she was surprised by what I did.

“Hindi na, someone is waiting for you to get home, it’s already late” I said and smiled slightly.

She just looked at me, now she was looking at me seriously. “No, it’s late, so I should take you, I have a car, you don’t need to commute.”

Ang kulit din pala ng isang ito, hindi marunong magpatalo.

“Maxlene, I am fi—” pinutol niya ang sasabihin ko.

“Sometimes it’s not right for the woman to go home alone,” she turned to me. “I am your friend right? and I must escort you.”

Yeah, Friend, magkaibigan nga kami.

“Get in” pinagbuksan niya ako ng passenger’s seat, kaagad akong sumakay dahil sobrang lakas na ng kabog ng dibdib ko dahil sa lapit niya. “Seatbelt” Pigil ang hininga ko dahil siya rin ang nag-ayos sa seatbelt ko.

I looked at her again and smelled her. I might die tonight.

Tahimik kami sa byahe, walang nagsasalita at ang tanging ginagawa ko na lang ay nakatingin sa labas ng bintana, marami kasi kaming nadadaanan ngayon na mga ligjting, may mga tso pa rin sa parke.

Napangiti ako ng maalala ko ang mga pinsan ko at si Joshua dati na nagpunta kami sa isang parke na maraming palaruan at pagkain, mga bata palang kami non kaya hindi ko na rin masyadong maalala. Namiss ko sila bigla, bukas nga ay kakamustahin ko sila, sa linggo pa ulit ako makakapunta sa bakeshop nila Agustina.

I smiled, kumusta na kaya si Agustina? sana maging maayos ang lahat sa kanila at ni David, bagay naman sila kasi complicated sila ngayon.

Last I saw, David was begging Agustina to prove that he loves her, but my cousin didn’t believe it. Maybe because it happened too quickly.

“Abby, saan ka nakatira?” Naputol ang pag-iisip ko nang magsalita ang katabi ko.

“Dorm ako, sa Saint Victoria” Maikling sambit ko, nagtagal ang tingin niya bago muling mag-focus sa daan. Nanahimik na namin  kami parehas.

Sobrang pagod talaga ako ngayong araw at hanggang bukas na naman. Mag-rereview ako ulit sa madaling araw, matuttulog na rin muna ako.

“It’s raining…” mahinanh sambit ko, umuulan kaya napalingon ako kay Maxlene na nakatingin na sa daan bago sa akin. “Bumabaha rito kapag umuulan”

Tumango siya. “Yes, I know,” nilingon niya ang labas. “It’s raining hard”

Saan kaya siya nakatira? hindi na kasi maganda ang lugar dito kapag sobrang malakas ang ulan, ayos pa sa parking kasi nasa taas peri ang grounfloor ay hindi, mahirap na rin magpatakbo ng kotse.

“Can I spend the night in your dorm first?” I slowly looked at her, nervousness overcame me again. “My house is still far from here, the flood might catch me.” she added.

Bumabaha na rin agad, bahain na nga ang bilis bumaha.

Wala akong choice ngayon. Kailangan ko rin naman siyang iconsider dahil may ginawa rin siya para sa akin, ang ihatid ako ngayong gabi.

“Sure,” I said. “Sa dorm ko na muna ikaw magpalipas ng gabi”

“Thank you”

Nang makarating kami sa dorm ay baha na nga lalo na ang ground floor, lahat ng kotse na nasa ground floor ay umaakyat na ng second floor hanggang fourth floor sa parking.

“Maghanap tayo kung saan tayo pwede mag-park, ayos lang ba?” tanong ko habang  nililibot ang tingin sa paligid.

“What floor are you on?” I heard her say to me. Parking is only up to the fourth floor, but my dorm is on the fifth floor.

“Sa fifth floor pa” asik ko, umandar ang kotse namin papuntang third floor dahil wala na sa second floor. Meron pa naman kaming nakitang isang space at doon na lang pumarada si Maxlene.

“Ayos ba rito ang kotse mo?” mukha kasi mamahalin amg kotse niya at baka hindi sama na sa ibang lugar nagpapark.

Tumango siya habang hawak pa rin ang blazer na pinatong na naman niya sa balikat ko. “It’s fine, don’t worry about my car”

“Let’s go”

Ako ang nagsimulang maglakad sa elevator, ito na lang para mabilis kami. Marami ring tao sa elevator kaya nagkasiksikan kami ni Maxlene sa likod.

Nilalamig na at naiipit na rin ako sa gilid, tinignan ako ni Maxl na para bang mawawala ako sa paningin niya.

I’ve been really thinking about her actions towards me. Does that have a meaning or is it really just a friend?

“Are you okay?” She asked me nang makalabas na kami ng elevator, nilingon ko siya.

“Yes, I am fine” binuksan ko na ang pintuan ng dorm ko, bumungad sa amin ang mga nilalaman nito, kumuha talaga ako ng malaki naman kahit paoaano ay hindi masikip kung may bisita man ako.

“Tuloy ka” sambit ko. Pumasok siya at sinara ko ang pintuan. Hindi siya nagsalita kaya nilingon ko na siya habang papalapit ako sa kusina upang maghanda na.

“I’ll prepare dinner, you clean up” My mouth fell open when she took the egg and hotdog I was going to bring. “It’s okay, I know how to fry” Hinayaan ko siya.

“Are you sure? Bisita kita dapat aki mag-aasikaso sayo” Sambit ko na lang sa kanya. Kanina pa siya ganito, parang ayaw akong mag-asikaso, gusto niya siya ang gagawa lahat.

“Take a rest, Abby” Iyon na lang ang nasabi niya bago ako pumasok sa banyo para maligo.

Naginhawaan naman ako dahil nakaligo na rin naman ako at nakapagpahinga kahit papaano.

I smelled the fried egg and hotdog and saw it on the table already ready. I turned to Maxl, she was carrying two glasses and was looking at me.

She stopped and when I realized why.

“Abby, get dressed first” she said, iniwas ang tingin niya sa akin at nilapag ang dalawang baso. “I’ll wait for you and let’s eat”

Patakbo akong pumunta ng kwarto ko at nagbibis, nahihiya at kinakabahan tuloy ako dahil naabutan niya akong nakabathrub lang. Pasensya na kasi gutom narin ako at natakam ako sa luto niya.

Tinignan ko muna ang sarili ko sa salamin bago ako, nakakahiya talaga ako minsan lalo na kapag kasama ko siya!

Lumabas ako at naabutan ko siyang naghihintay at nakaupo na siya. Nang makita niya ako ay umayos siya ng upo.

“Sorry, Let’s eat”

Umupo na rin ako at nagsimulang kumain, nagutom din talaga ako at ito na lang ang way para kakakain ako ukit, hindi ko na nga naisip na mag-order since baka nagugutom na rin si Maxl. Nakakahiya naman kung paghihintayin ko siya.

She eats quietly, sometimes I see her looking at me and sometimes at my plate when she knows I’m looking at her.

Mukhang ayos naman sa kanya ang pagkain, iniisip ko lang ay baka hindi siya sanay kumain ng ganito. Mukha kasi siyang mayaman kagaya ko.

“Done? Are you full?” asked me again. “You can rest na,” sambit niya sa akin. Tumayo siya at binitbit ang mga plato pero pinigilan na naman niya ako nang akmang pipigilan ko rin siya. “It’s fine, Abby, don’t worry okay? It’s really fine” lumapit siya sa sink nagsimulang maghugas na.

“Palagi ka bang ganito?” tanong ko sa kanya. Masyado siyang maasikaso o sadyamg pinalaki lang talaga siyang masipag?

“What do you mean?” she asked, she was still washing and her back was facing me. “I want you to rest, I can do it”

“Ikaw na lahat gumawa ng dapat kong gawin” asik ko. “Nakakahiy–”

“There’s nothing embarrassing if you don’t do anything” she interrupted what I was saying. “You don’t have to be shy if I want to help” nagpagpag siya ng kamay mukhang tapos na siya.

“I am done” humarap na siya sa akin. “Take a rest,  Can I use your bathroom?” Tinignan ko siya ng mariin. “I want you to rest, Abby, that’s all”

Hindi pa rin ako nagsasalita kaya nilapitan na niya ako, magkaharap kami at mas naamoy ko na siya ngayon. Mas matangkad siya sa akin kaya hanggang baba niya lang ako.

“I understand your busy doings that’s why I want to do all the things here” nakababa ang tingin niya sa akin dahil nga matangkad siya. “Don’t be mad and I am sorry for helping but I want to do it”

“Don’t do anyt—” Hindi ko tinuloy kung anong sasabihin ko, hindi ko alam kasi ayoko namang isipin na kaibigan lang ’to pero sabihin nyo nga kung pangkaibigan lang ’to.

I swallowed hard, pakiramdam ko nanuyo agad ang lalamunan ko kahit kaiinom ko lang.

I could feel her breath still fragrant.

“When the rain stops, go home, your boyfriend is waiting for you” I dodged and sat on the sofa. I saw that she was stunned because of that.

It’s true that her boyfriend is waiting for her but she didn’t come home tonight and is still in my dorm.

She went into the bathroom and didn’t say anything, which was good because I didn’t know what else to say.

I wanted a good night but my noisy chest wouldn’t quiet me down.

Paggising ko ng umaga ay wala na siya sa paligid ko, nakatulog pala ako sa sofa at hindi ko na alam kung anong ginawa nya kagabi habang tulog ako.

Tumayo ako, natigilan lang ako nang may makita akong note sa lamesa.

Eat your breakfast and have a nice day

-Ramirez

Napadila ako at nilapag iyon, may pagkain nga ako at mukhang binili niya dahil nasa container iyon, kumalam naman agad ang sikmura ko.

Kumain na ako nang tahimik ngunit hindi pa rin maalis ang tingin ko sa note na iniwan niya, ganito kaya siya sa boyfriend niya? o tinext man lang ba niya boyfriend niya kagabi kasi hindi siya makakauwi?

Bumuntong hininga ako at sinimulan na ang panibagong araw ko. Ayokong isipin ang isang bagay na hindi naman dapat, I need to focus and I don’t want to be distracted.

“What?!” Nagbaba agad ako ng tingin sa sigaw ni Andy matapos kong sabihin ang lahat ng nangyari gabi at kung paano ko napatuloy si Maxl sa dorm ko. “Are you serious?!”

“Omg, I can’t believe!” Mukhang masaya pa si Rico dahil magkahawak ang dalawang kamay niya habang nakangiti sa akin.

I can’t believe rin na ganito sila  kabaliw.

“All I wanted to say is about everything last night, that’s enough” I said and start reading my reviewer again, I need to focus dahil may exam na namin kami sa dalawang major subject.

“Ano sinabi niya? Gusto ka niya maging model?” si Rico na nakaiusasi na naman. “At pumayag ka naman?”

“Papayag ’yan, marupok ’yan eh” Nag-angat ako ng tingin. Tumaas ang kilay ko sa sinabi ni Andy. “Chill, pero bakit ka pumayag?”

Hindi ko rin alam bakit ako pumayag agad.

“Kailangan niya ng model para sa major niya.” I said while looking at them. “She told that she wants a woman to be her model”

Halatang natatawa si Rico na parang ayaw maniwala. “Sigurado ba siya? Marami namang siyang kasamang babae nakita ko, mga kaibigan niya siguro pero bakit ikaw ang napansin?”

“Oo nga, Naroon naman si Amanda, ’yung pinsan niya” Si Andy na nakisali.

Tumahimik ako, I don’t know, I really don’t know kung anong pumapasok sa isip ni Maxl. May sense rin naman ang mga pinagsasabi ng mga kaibigan ko.

“Kung wala lang boyfriend si Maxl ay iisipin ko na ikaw ang gusto niya” Tuya sa akin ni Andy na siyang kinailing ko.

“She said we’re friends” I said.

Agad silang naging maagap at parang nagulat pa nga kahit hindi naman.

“Sus! mga ganyang banatan hindi na ’yan uubra” si Andy at hinawakan ako sa balikat. “Pero seryoso nga, kaibigan ba ’yun? Parang hindi naman”

“Tama na, mag-review na kayo may exam na naman tayo.” Awat ko dahil baka kung saan na naman kami mapuntang usapan.

Ayokong umasa at bigyan iyon ng malisya, I don’t want to be more about her, that’s enough and I know my boundaries. Pagtapos ng pagiging model niya ay iiwas  na ako.

Nag-lunch kami pagkatapos ng maduging exam kay Professor Mercado, ’yung professor na hindi naman nagtuturo pero ang lakas magbigay ng exam at quizzes.

Natuyo sa kanya ang utak ko at mas lalong napagod, paano niya kaya iyon nasisikmurang gawin sa mga student niya?

“Tarantadong professor ’yan” si Rico habang nakaakbay sa akin at hawak ang ulo niya. “Dinaig pa teacher ko noong hs ako, ang lala niya”

“Tumatanda na kasi si Sir” hiyaw ni Andy na nakakapit sa kabilang braso ko. Oara akong naglalakad na may buhat na dalawang anak.

“Nagrereview naman ako pero bakit sa kanya, ako ang natatanga” si Rico at nilapit naman ang mukha sa akin kaya napasimangot ako. “Pahiram ng talino mo sa finals”

Mahinang sinampal ko siya habang natatawa. “Bago mag-finals, ubos na, pagod na ako”

“Pagod na tayong lahat, ayoko na” dinikit niya ang mukha niya sa akin na parang nanggigigil. Kung hindi lang ito anak ng kaibigan ni Daddy, nasuntok ko na siya.

But I love them, I love them so much at maliban sa mga pinsan ko sila rin ang pangatlong pamilya ko.

Tumawa ako habang akbay ko na si Andy. Mukha lang akong pagod kapag kasama sila pero ganito lang talaga kami kapag magkakasama.

“Abb–” naputol ang sasabihin ni Maxl nang itulak ako ni Jerico na para bang may allergy ako sa kanya. Tarantado talaga ito.

Nakakagulat naman kasi dahil bigla siyang sumulpot, nasa harapan namin at siya lang ang mag-isa. Mabuti na lang ay hawak ako ni Andy kaya hindi kami parehas natumba.

“Gago, kinakabahan ako kapag hawak kita, Abby” si Jerico pero sinamaan ko lang siya ng tingin, palagi siyang ganyan kapag nakikita si Maxl, biglang lalayo sa akin.

“Abby, are you free later?” She asked me, sa kin lang siya nakatingin. “Photoshoot later, it’s fine?”

“Pwede ba kami sumama?” Si Andy ang nagsalita dahil hindi ako makasagot.

“Yes, It’s fine with me, Andy” ngumiti siya kay Andy sabay lumingon kay Jerico. “Andy and Jerico”

“Hoo, Akala ko papatayin ako” Siraulo ba ito? Mabuti na lang mahina iyon kaya di narinig ni Maxl. 

“Yes, later? What time?” I asked her.

“5 or 4, are you free that time?” She asked me again. I nodded. “Okay, then 5 or 4, I will go to your room”

Nanlaki ang mata ko, annong sinasabi niya? Susunduin na naman niya ako?

“N-No! Kami na ang pupunta ng studio” Asik ko at umiling sa kanya. “Hindi na, Maxl”

“I am free that time so I will fetch you later, Abby” kalmadong sambit niya sa akin.

Kailan ba ako mananalo rito? sabi ko ayokong bigyan nng malisya itong ginagawa niya, nasosobrahan na ako sa nerbyos.

Naramdaman niya ang pananahimik ko. “Okay, I will wait for you later, Abby, I am at studio”

Chapter 3

“Ayos lang ba ako?”

Nilingon nilang akong dalawa habang abala pa rin ako sa kakatingin ng sarili ko sa salamin dito sa room. Malaki naman iyon kaya kitang-kita ko ang sarili ko.

“Alam mo hindi pa ba sapat yung titig sayo ni Maxl?” parang nang-aasar pa si Jerico sa akin. Sinumangutan ko siya. “Maganda ka, Abby”

Ngumiti ako sa kanya agad. “Ayan ang gusto ko sayo, Lorenzo” Tumawa naman siya sa akin.

“Maganda ka na, Abby, baka mabaliw si—” Tinakpan ko ang bibig ni Andy, ang mga bunganga nila talaga! walang preno. ““Hmm”

“Ano ba yang bibig mo!?” singhal ko sa kanya. “May boyrfriend si Maxl, magtigil ka nga at kaibigan ko lang din si—”

Tinapik na naman ako ni Jerico. “Niloloko mo na naman sarili mong gaga ka” Inambaan ko siya “Hoy!” gulat niya sa akin.

“Hindi mo nga siya kaibigan, tama ka na, Abbyngot” Asar  ni Andy sa akin. “Gusto mo pa yatang umiyak ka para marealize na hindi mo nga siya kaibigan”

“Ah basta! Tumahimik na kayong dalawa” saway ko dahil parang wala talaga silang balak tumigil. “Wag kayong madaldal sa studio, sasampalin ko kayong dalawa”  Tumatawa sila hanggang sa makalabas kami at naglalakad papuntang studio.

“Abby,” tawag sa akin ni Andy habang hawak ako sa braso. “Kilala ko ba si Aki sa Architecture?”

“Aki Santiago?” I asked. Tumango siya. “Yes, I know her, Why? Type mo?”

Nanlaki ang mata niya pero kaagad na bumawi, she pout kaya natawa ako sa kanya.

“Since when?” Jerico naman ang nagtanong sa kanya. “Hindi halatang bakla kayong dalawa” Asar niya sa amin.

“Kapag ikaw naging bakla ha” asar sa kanya ni Andy. “Pagtatawanan kita hanggang sa hindi mo na kaya ang inis mo”

“Ano, Abby, One week ko na siya crush” Bilis talaga ng bibig ng isang ito. “Type ko nga siya, ano ba dapat ko gawin para kausapin niya  o mapansin? Natatanggalan ako ng angas”

Nagtawanan kami ni Jerico dahil sa nirarant niya sa amin. To be honest, I don’t know dahil nagkausap naman kami ni Maxl dahil kay Professor Reyes.

“Wala na, tanggal na angas mong bading ka” si Jerico. “Sana hindi ka pansinin ni Aki, kasi kapal ng mukha mo”

“Siraulo ka!” Kita ko pang nag-middle finger siya kay Jerico na siyang tiwanan lang naman nito.

Pagdating sa studio ay nakita naming may ilang tao na kasama si Maxl roon, nag-aayos na sila ng mga camera lens, lighting at backdrops.

“Ah ha!” sigaw ni Jerico dahil mukhang nakita niya rin kung sinong nakikita namin. “Anong ginagawa ng crush mo rito, Andy, tanggal na naman amgas mo” nagtawanan kami. Nasa loob si Aki may kausap sa isang kaklase ni Maxl, si Maxl ay nakafocus sa pag-aayos ng camera niya na para bang kailangan niya perfect iyon.

“Ayoko na! Kayo na—” hinatak ko na siya papasok bago pa siya makaalis, dinarado na agad ni Jerico ang pintuan.

Natigil ang mga naroon nang makita kaming tatlo, si Maxl ay kaagad na sumilay ang maliit na ngiti nang makita ako.

“Hello, mga schoolmates!” Maligayang bati ni Jerico na siya namang bumati rin sa kanya ang mga taong kasama namin. “Nandito ang dalawa kong bading na kaibigan, kayo na bahala sa ka—” sinikmuraan siya ni Andy.

Bago ako magsalita ay napalingon ako kay Aki na nakatingin kay Andy na inaaway si Jerico sa tabi ko. Nang limipat ang tingin niya sa akin at ngumiti ako, ngumiti rin siya sa akin.

“Abby” Maxl called me and approach me. “You are here,” tumango ako sa kanya. “Let’s talk about you being a model”

Lumayo ako kila Jerico dahil nag-aaway pa rin sila at inaawat na sila noong mga kaklase ni Maxl, nakisali na rin si Aki kaya tumigil si Andy.

“What your prefer pose?” Maxl asked me, I look at her. Pose? I don’t know how to pose or what dahil bago rin naman akong magiging model ngayon. “Abby?”

“Oh, about pose, To be honest I don’t know to pose, It’s my first time” I said, nagbaba ako ng tingin, handa niya ba akong turuan? may alam naman akong pose kaso hindi siya pang model.

“I am willing to teach you, Ate Amanda is also here, she’s a model”  She said and look at me. “Don’t worry too much, Abby, It’s fine even it’s your first time.”

“Thank you…” Iyon na lang ang nasabi ko at umiwas sa paningin niya, nakatingin na naman kasi siya sa akin. Nakakalunod masyado. “Hindi pa ba tayo magsisimula? at ano pala susuotin ko?”

I saw that she looked all over me, I don’t know why she suddenly got nervous and her jaw tightened.

Ayaw ba ng isusuot ko? Hindi rin kasi ako comfortable sa suot ko dahil hindi naman ganito sinusuot ng mga model diba? I need nice clothes.

“Oh nandito na pala ang aking soon to—” nakita ko si Amanda na napatigil dahil sinamaan ng tingin ni Maxl. Yung pinsan niyang si Amanda ay narito na. “Chill, Maxl” natatawang lumapit ito sa amin.

“Oh so you are Abbigail Del Mundo?”

Ate Amanda is so pretty, model talaga siya dahil kakaiba ang ganda niya. I couldn’t help but stare at her, her smile kept going along with it, making her even more beautiful.

Nasa lahi yata nila ang sobrang kagandahan.

“Abby,” napatigil ako nang tawagin ako ni Maxl, bahagya na nakakunot ang noo niya, si Ate Amanda na nasa gilid niya at nagbibigay sa kanya ng nakakaasar na tingin. “Stop looking at her”

Why? Maganda naman ang ate Amanda niya?

“Maxl, kalma, okay?” natatawa si Ate Amanda sa kanya. Ano ba nangyayari sa dalawang ito? may pinag-uusapan ba sila na hindi ko alam? “Ako ang sasama kay Abby mag—”

“What?” Maxl seems to be shocked by what her cousin said, I can see that she is already irritated but she wasn’t like this while ago. What happened to her?

Ate Amanda laughed so loudly, ang mga kasama nila ay natahimik at mukhang kabado pa. Si Andy at Jerico naman ay tinitignan lang kami.

“I can’t believe you, Maxl, really? I am your cousin, hindi kaagaw”

Ano raw? Anong ibig niyang sabihin na kaagaw?

“Fine, you take care of her, what is she wearing?” Maxl pulled her hair so I looked at her for a long time, she was beautiful even though she was irritated. “Make her comfortable, ate”

Ate Amanda nodded at smiled at me. “You’re beautiful, Abby, don’t you want to be a model?” I was surprised by her question because it was the same as what Maxl said that I was suitable for modeling.

“Uh…I think I can’t be a model po” may hiyang sabi ko sa kanya. Hindi naman talaga bagay sa akin? feel ko nga ang pangit ko kapag kinukuhaan ng litrato.

“Why not?” she asked me again, nahihiya akong umiwas ng tingin dahil nakatingin pa rin sa akin si Maxl. “Why you can’t try? I will be your teacher?”

“P-Po? Huwag na po!”

“Anong huwag na? tanggapin mo na, bakla ka!” napasimangot ako sa sinigaw ni Andy sa akin. “Bagay sayo maging model!”

“Oo nga, go na ’yan, Abbyngot” si Jerico na tinataas pa ang thumbnail niya sa akin. “Ang ganda ganda mo!”

Pero ayoko pa, marami pa akong dapat pag-aralan, pakiramdam ko may hindi pa ako nalalman sa company namin nila Daddy, ayoko naman mahati ang  oras ko.

“Ayos lang naman po pero I am more focus on our company and business…”

“CEO woman pala ito” si Ate Amanda habang tumatawa. Nilingon si Maxl. “Busy pala siya, bakit mo inaabala—”

“Hindi po! May free time naman po ako kaya pumayag ako!” tanggol ko agad kay Maxl. Nilingon niya ako na ngayon ay kalmado na siya. “Wala pong problema sa akin”

“Sure?”

“Opo”

“Let’s go, nasa fitting room na ang damit.” hinawakan niya ako at hinila na papasok ng fitting room.

May nakita akong little black dress, flannel at ankle boots na nakahanda na roon. She look at me nang nakatingin ako roon.

“Are you comfortable wearing a dress?” She asked me. I turned to her, it’s not my first time to wear a dress because I have worn a dress many times in parties that my cousins ​​and I have attended.

Pero hindi ko alam pero kinakabahan talaga ako.

“It’s fine, Abby, aalagaan namin” She reassured me, I smiled at her and nodded.

“Sorry, it’s the first time I’m really going to do this” She nodded at me.

“Get ready, Abby” she closed the fitting room door.

I have started to fix myself. Ayokong paghintayin sila dahil mukhamg kailangan ko pa mag-make up.

Tinignan ko muna ang sarili ko sa salamin, ang ganda ko naman pala talaga, akala ko nagbibiro lang ang mga pinsan at magulang ko.

Lumabas na ako, naramdaman ko ang pananahimik nila.

“OMG ANG GANDA MO, ABBY!!!” sigaw sa akin ni Andy at Jerico, naglabas sila ng phone at inictureran ako. “Ang ganda mo, pa-kiss nga ako”

Tumawa ako. Lumapit siya sa akin at binigyan talaga ako ng halik sa pisngi.

Si Jerico naman ay inakbayan na naman ako at malambing akong niyakap. “Ang ganda mo, Abby, sana magka-girlfriend ka na!”

“Baliw!” asik ko sa kanya. Kailangan niya pang ipagsigawan iyon. Hindi natigil sa akin yung dalawa kakapicture, sumama pa sila para lang may picture kaming tatlo.

“Stop it” I said and fixed my clothes, there Maxl who was also looking at me like Andy, the reactions of their friends were also like really amazing.

“You’re beautiful, Abby” Ate Amanda said softly to me. “Hindi ko naman akalain na mas maganda ka pa sa akin”

Nahiya ako bigla. “Hindi po…”

“Nako, nahiya ka pa, ang ganda-ganda mo”

Busog na busog talaga ako sa compliments nila. Kanina  pa niya ako sinasabihan ng maganda.

Ngumiti ako kay Maxl dahil naroon pa rin siya hindi siya gumagalaw sa kinatatayuan ko habang  nakatanaw sa akin.

“I’ll put make up on her, just light” said ate Amanda and made me sit on the sofa where the make up was. “Ayos lang ba sayo, Abby?”

“Opo”

Nagsimula siyang ayusin ako, nilalagyan niyanlang ako ng kaunti kagaya ng sinabi niya. Hindi rin kasi maayos sa akin ang make up lalo na kapag hindi light, hindi ako sanay.

Huling nilagyan niya ay ang labi ko. Hindi naman masyadong makapal, nagustuhan ko pa nga ang lipstick.

“Jusko, grabeng kagandahan yan” siya na naman ang nagsalita sa akin. “Pati ako mapapa-kiss na sayo”

“Ate” narinig ko si Maxl na lumapit na. Natigil siya ng makita ako, bahagya pang umawang amg bibig niya.

“Look at Abby, Maxl, she’s beautiful, isn’t she?” Tila hindi pinansin ni Maxl ang pinsan niya. Nanatili sa aking ang tingin niya.

My chest is starting to pound again, she doesn’t stop looking at me parang may humahaplos sa puso ko kapag malalim siya sa akin.

“You’re so beautiful, Abby”

I felt something in my chest with those words, she said so light and soft to me.

I don’t want to hope, but when I’m the one talking and with her, there’s something really different about her, she becomes soft.

Bakit siya ganito?

“T-Thank you”

Ang awkward kasi tinitignan na kami ng lahat, naiilang na rin ako kasi may kasamang panunukso nilang tingin.

“Let’s ready” umalis si Maxl at pumunta sa gitna ng backdrop.

Nakahanda na ang lahay roon, nasa tabi na ng backdrop ang lighting, ako na lang talaga ang hinihintay.

“Are you ready?” si ate Amanda, “Sundan mo lang ang pose ha? Ako ang bahala sayo”

“Opo”

“Okay, Let’s start”

Hindi maiwasan ng mata ko si Maxl na hihintay lang ako sa dapat kong gawin, nasa unahan lang siya, titnitignan at hindi na naman maalis ang tingin sa akin. Kagaya kanina ay hindi pa rin natatapos ang kabog ng dibsib ko.

“Okay, let’s do the standing pose” si ate Amanda at nilapitan ako. “Don’t stiffen your body, just relax” she held me to support what she was saying. I adjusted and what he wanted to do. “That’s right, you’re really beautiful, baby”

“Ate!” narinig kong sigaw ni Maxl. Hindi na naman siya mapakali. “Hurry up and get out of there”

“Maxl, chill! Tinuturuan ko siya!” sigaw ni ate sa kanya pabalik habang natatawa pa ito. “You can’t see what I am–”

“No, I can’t see, I can only see you flirting with her”

Muling binalot ng katahimikan ang kwarto, naging malikot ang tingin ng lahat, ang dalawa kong kaibigan ay hijdi alam kung matatawa o ano ba.

Muling tumawa si ate Amanda ng sobrang lakas, malakas na parang inaasar pa niya si Maxl. Si Maxl ay halatang nagpipigil ng inis.

“I am flirting with her, She’s  so pretty, Maxl” si Ate. “Abby, I can be your girlfrie—”

“Ate!” mas lalong naging malakas ang boses niya, nagulat pa nga kami dahil parang galit na siya. “Ate, please stop, okay? I don’t want to be mad…I need to focus”

“Okay, parang mamamatay ka na dyan, titigl na ako”

“Abby, spread your legs slightly apart” she told me. I did that “A little more—It’s fine” she patted me. “Maayos na yan, yung kamay mo naman. Move your hands at the back” ginawa ko rin ang gusto niya. “Okay, perfect!”

Baywang naman niya ang hinawakan ko. “Bend slightly your waist”

“Wow, sexy, Abby” si Andy na pumapalakpak na naman sa akin. Si Jerico naman ay kumakatyaw sa akin. “Ganda mo, sis!”

Humawak din ako sa baywang ko. “Okay, ayos na ito, sexy na si Abby pwede na  picture-ran!” pumalakpak si ate at iniwan ako sa harap ng backdrop.

“Pierce look, Abby!” si Jerico. “Ayan perfect!”

Maxl just looking at me, holding her camera.

“Maxl, nasa mundo ka pa?” rinig kong sabi sa kanya ni Ate Amanda. “Ayusin mo, model mo yan”

“Let’s start, Abby” tumingin na ako sa camera niya. Nag-pose ako, hindi naman pala mahirap kumilos. “Pose whatever you want, Abby”

“You like it, Maxl?” rinig ko habang nagpopost pa rin ako at panay ang pindot ni Maxl. Naghihintay ito ng sagot peri sumagot naman yata si Maxl, hindi ko lang narinig.

Ilang beses ang ginawa ni Maxl bago ako tinawag ni ate ulit.

“You can close your legs, Abby and pose whatever you want” si ate Amanda at ngumiti sa akin.

Ginawa ko kung anong gusto niya at nika, ginawa ko rin naman ang gusto ko. Kaso mukhang maayos naman dahil hindi nila ako sinisita.

“Marunong naman pala siya” Rinig kong sabi nong babaeng kaklase ni Maxl. “Bagay sa kanya ang model, papayag kaya siya kapag napag-isipan niya?”

Ngumiti ako at nag-ayos na. Ang sabi sa akin ni Maxl ay hahatiin namin ang bawat sched. Tatlong theme yata ang gusto niya.

“What about the second theme?” Tanong ko habang nagtatanggal ng make up. “Maxl?” agad niya akong nilingon, nasa akin na agad ang atensyon niya.

“Where do you want?” nilapag niya ang camera sa table. “Normal theme, and then?”

“Where ba? ikaw kung saan ang gusto mo?”

“Hoy, Ramirez, akaka ko ba bathroom?”

Bathroom?

“Hala narinig mo yun, Andy, sa bathroom daw” tumatawa sila ni Jerico. “Hindi pwede ang dalawang to sa bathroom”

“Jerico!” saway ko sa kanya. “Andy ani ba?” inaasar kasi nila ako na naman.

“Abby, Bathroom theme, do you want?” Mahinang tanong niya sa akin.

Nagtagal ang tingin ko sa kanya. “Do you want ba sa bathroom? Wala akong bathroom sa dorm”

She looked down but immediately returned to me. “There is a bathroom in my house, is that all right?” I nodded. “I’ll pick you up next  week or month to go home”

“Paraan ka ha” nakisali si Ate Amanda sa amin. “Next month? wow ka naman.”

Natapos kami at lumabas, nakabihis na rin naman ako kaya ayos na rin. Late na at kaikangan ko na umuwi para makapagreview na ako ulit.

Nilabas ko ang phone habang naglalakad ako. Nauna na naman sa akin yung dalawa dahil may sundo sila.

Punong puno na naman yung groupchat namin.

Joshua: Naiistress na ako sa mag-asawang to!

Cris: Nasaan si David?

Maya: Umalis yata siya

Abby:

Anong nangyayari habang ako dito ay nababaliw na

Na-seen nilang lahat iyon. Ang layo ko na nga hindi ko pa alam kung anong nangyayari sa kanila roon. May nangyari na naman ba? At sino ito si Travis Alfonso?

Joshua: Bading, huli ka na sa balita, uwi ka nga dito

Cristal: Tamang-tama ay birthday na ni David bukas

Birthday na pala ni David bukas, kailangan ko pumunta, isisintabi ko muna ang mga kailangang kung lakad. Namimiss ko na rin ang mga pinsan ko.

Abby:

Punta ako bukas

Tinago ko muli ang phone ko at naglakad na. Pero hindi pa ako nakakapunta ng parking lot nang may humabol sa akin.

“Abby” Nilingon ko ang tumawag sa akin.

“Maxl?” tawag ko at lumapit sa kanya. Akala ko ay mamaya pa siya uuwi? mukhang hinabol niya talaga ako dahil hinihingal siya. “You do want water?”

“Water?” She stand straight, pinunasan ang noo niya. “I am fine…”

“Pauwi na ako, ikaw ba?” Tanong ko sa kanya. Nakikita ko ang kulay brown niyang mata dahil naaanigan siya ng spotlight.

“Let’s go home, Abby” Tumango ako sa kanya. Nilakad namin kung nasaan ang kotse niya. “Are you tired? Get some rest when you get home”

“Maxl, I’m not here at Saint Victoria tomorrow and for the next day” I said softly. “I’m going to our house, it’s my cousin’s husband’s birthday and I’m also going to help in their bakeshop.”

Kita ko ang pakikinig niya sa akin dahil kahit naglalakakad at nagsasalita ako ay hindi niya pa rin iniwas ang tingin sa akin.

“Alright, take care of yourself”

Tumango ako sa kanya.

“Goodluck bukas, wala naman kaming klase ng dalawang araw” Muli siyang tumango sa pakikinig sa akin. “Take a rest sometimes, okay?”

“Yes, Abby”

“ABBY!!!!” Halos matumba ako nang salubungin ako ni Valerie at Joshua ng yakap pagpasok ko ng mansion.

Sumama ang iba kong pinsan maliban kay Agustina na nawawala at hindi ko mahagilap.

“Where’s Agustina?” Tanong ko na siyang kinatigil naman namin. Kanina maingay pero ngayon ay tahimik na. “Answer me, guys, anong kausap ko dito? multo?”

“Nasa company, mamaya raw ay may date kasama si Travis, sunduin ko nga” si Joshua ang  sumagot sa akin. “Si David din, nasa trabaho yata, sa Mommy niya”

“Travis Alfonso? Isang beses ko lang yan nangyari noong kinasal nila David” Tumango si Cirstal at Maya.

“Hindi nga maganda ang kutob ko sa isang yun” sambit ko at umupo, sinalubong ko naman ng yakap si Maya at Cristal.

“Namiss ko kayo” Hinalikan ko silang dalawa at lumingon, nakikisali na rin si Cris sa akin sa sofa.  “Kumusta kayo?”

“Ayos lang kami, stress sa mag-asawa” nagbibirong sambit ni Maya. “Ayos lang, puro na rin ako trabaho, ikaw kumusta ang pag-aaral?” Tanong nila sa akin.

“Ayos lang naman, nakakabawi, malapit na kasi finals ko” hinahagod ko ang braso ni Maya na nakayakap pa rin sa akin.

“Hindi mo sinagot ang chat ko kung may boyfriend ka na ba!” si Joshua at tinalunan kaming apat sa sofa  “So, meron na?”

“Wala akong boyfriend peri may crush ako” sabi ko kaya muli silang nakichismis sa akin. “Totoo nga, may crush”

“Sino?” si Valeriee. “Babae o lalaki?”

“Babae, Photogpraher siya sa school, Photography” sambit ko. “Actually nakasama siya kagab—”

“So ano, di ka na straight kasi naka—”

“Tarantado!” binato ko si Joshua ng unan, ramdam ko ang pamumula ng mukha ko. “Baliw ka! Kinuha niya kasi akong model niya”

“MODEL?!” sigaw nilang lahat maya maliit akong ngumitii. “Kailan ka pa pumayag maging model ha?”

“Kay Maxl lang, kailangan niya ng model” sabi ko at nilalaro ang buhok ni Maya. “Wala naman masama diba? Kapag na ako maging model niya, iiwas na ak—”

“Halata ka masyado, Acla” si Cristal sa akin. “Bakit mo iiwasan?”

Kasi ayoko na umasa sa mga ginagawa niya.

“Wala, ang unfair kasi hindi niya alam na crush ko siya tapos may boyfriend siya”

“Pinapaasa ka ba?” si Joshua na naman nagtanong, umabang sila sa sagot ko.

“I don’t know? baka ganon siya kasi frien—”

“FRIEND!” muli na namang sigaw niya. “Talaga ba, halata kayo masyado” tumatawa na naman sila.

“Basta, kapag tapos na, may dalawang theme pa kaming gagawin sa photoshoot.” tumango sila.

“Anong theme?”

“Bathroom theme”

“Ay gago” mas lalo silang nagkagulo, sila Joshua at Cris naman ay tumatawa lang sa harapan ko. “Kayong dalawa lang?”

“Hindi ko alam, model kasi pinsan niya, siya nagtuturo sa akin ng pose ko” sambit ko.

After magkwentuhan ay napagdesosyunan naming tumulong na sa party ni David, abala ang lahat hanggang sa sumapit ang hapon. Nakauwi na si David pero si Agustina ang unang hinanap ng mata niya ngunit wala pa si Agustina rito.

“Hindi pa ba umuuwi si Agu?” narinig kong tanong niya kay Joshua, kababalik lang kasi ni Joshua akala ko nga ay kasama niya umuwi si Agustina pero wala soyang kasabay.

Alangang ngumiti si Joshua sa kanya. “A-Ah…may date pa si–”

“Pupunta ba siya?” David interrupted Joshua, I don’t know what was going through David’s mind but I know he wanted to go to Agu, he was just stopping himself. “Pwede mo ba sabihin na umattend siya? hinahanap siya nila Lola”

Nagsisimula na rin naman ang party niya, maraming bisita at ang iba naman ay kkilala ko naman. May ibang kabusimess si Daddy kaya nakikita ko.

It got dark but Agu was still not there, I could see that her Mommy was getting angry because he was still not there.

“Where is your Daughter?” She asked her husband. “Wala bang balak umuwi?”

“Honey, Tinext ko na siy–”

Narinig ki ang mapaklang sambit ni Tita. “Hindi ki talaga gusto ang lalaking iyan”

“Tita, It’s fine, Let’s wait for Agu” si David. Tahimik akong nakikinig sa kanila, kami pero wala na rin kaming gana dahil alam namin sa sarili namin na kanina pa naghihintay itong si David.

Hindi ko alam kung anong pumapasok sa isip nilang lahat, lalo na ni David at Agu, gusto ba talaga nilang gawin ito sa isat-isa?

Hanggang kailan nila ito gagawin? Talagang deserving si Travis para sa pinsan ko?

At the end of that night and I don’t know what happened, we were enveloped in silence, David left for another country, Travis also left for his job in Canada and Agustina was left here.

Everything became chaotic and quiet. Dalawang araw akong nanatili kasama ang mga pinsan ko at tumulong din ako sa bakeshop kagaya ng sinabi ko kay Maxl.

Mabuti na lang din ay nagkaayos si Tita at si Agustina, nagkausap sila habang kami ay malayo sa counter kung nasaan silang dalawa.

Napunta sa akin ang usapan, hindi na lang talaga ako nakikipagbiruan minsan dahil napunta iyon kay Maxl. Tutuparin ko pa rin ang sinabi kong iiwasan ko na siya pagtapos ng pagiging model niya.

Because if I didn’t do that, my life wouldn’t be peaceful either. Hindi ko lang siya basta crush na, alam kong gusto ko na siya at I know my boundaries as well.

Natigil ako sa pag-aayos ng gamit ko nang makabalik ako sa dorm ko dahil may natanggap akong message.

Maxl: Are you home?

Binasa ko iyon nang matagal, nakalipas na pala ang panibagong linggo kaya ang tatanungin nito sa akin ay kung may schedule na ba ako para sa susunod na photoshoot.

Nagtipa ako.

Abby:

Yes, kauuwi lang

Ibaba ba ko na sana ang phone ko nang makita ko agad ang mabilis niyang reply.

Maxl: Are you free tomorrow? Let’s shoot.

Abby:

Noted

Iyon na lang ang nireply ko at nagsimulang mag ayos ng aking gamit. Nag-research naman ako kung anong sinusuot kapag bathroom theme, may nakuha naman ako at nahanap. May bathrub naman ako at ibang damit na alam kong babagay sa akin.

Nagdala rin ako ng bra na alam kong pwede at babagay naman sa akin.

I forgot to ask Maxl if it was just the two of us together for tomorrow. Bago ko pa makuha ang phone ko ay nakita ko na naman ang text niya sa akin.

Maxl:

It’s just you and me together tomorrow, is that okay with you?

Chapter 4

I look at the window. Sinundo talaga ako ni Maxl at mas nakakahiya pa ay late akong nagising dahil sa pagod ko pag-uwi ko kagabi.

“Are you okay, Abby? are you hungry?” nilingon ko sa driver’s seat si Maxl, nakatingin na siya sa akin. “What do you need? o do you need anything?”

I need to escape from you, I don’t want to fall even more.

“Inaantok pa ako” sambit ko na lang. Sinabi naman niya sa akin kung saan siya, alam ko kung saan ang Vista De Alcazure. Mayamang lugar kaya hindi na ako nagtaka pa.

“Have some sleep later” iyon na lang ang narinig ko, hindi na ako nag-abala pang magsalita, parang ako na yung napapagod sa mismong pinasok ko.

Ginusto ko pa ito o naguguilty lang ako kasi alam kong oara sa kanya naman ito kaya kinuha niya akong model? diba? Pumayag naman ako at hindi naman ako makasarili para sarili ko lang ang iisipin ko.

I know myself, I can’t just be like this and rely on someone who gives nothing but friends. Am I wrong because she seems to be giving more than friendship? I have never seen her like this with herbother friends.

Baka umaasa lang talaga ako at nagbibigay akong malisya. I won’t let myself fall into my own hole.

I’ve seen Vista De Alcazure, it’s big and seems to be newly renovated. I saw a big house full of gold, that was the biggest house there so I really looked. The hous is like a palace with a long peak.

“That’s my house” I opened my mouth but I expect what he said. I knew it was really her because that was the only difference. “It’s from my Lolo”

Tunango ako. “Mayaman ka pala talaga” sambit ko. Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa parang may sasabihin na naman siya pero hindi niya masabi.

“No, This is not my real house, not my own house” she opened the door. “Let’s go in”

Mas namangha ako dahil kung gaano kaganda sa labas ay mas maganda ang nasa loob. Iyon nga lang ay hindi siya gold kagaya ng nasa labas. Normal lang na kulay, design at interior ang naroon. Mas maganda pa itong bahay niya kaysa sa bahay ko.

Halatang ginastusan ng malaki.

“Abby, come to my room” I looked at her who had already climbed the stairs, the stairs are long but I don’t get tired of climbing them. Tumango ako at sumabay na sa kanya.

There are many rooms here on the second floor, I won’t even wonder how many floors and rooms there are because herbhouse is so big.

She opened the door that I was sure was her room. Her strawberry smell greeted me immediately in the room. I was gasping for breath because of the pounding of my chest. Ito na naman ako.

“Feel at home, Abby” dahan-dahan akong kumilos at nilapag ang gamit ko sa sofa na nasa gilid. Nag-aayos na siya ng camera niya at ilang kaikangan para sa shoot. Wala naman siyang masyadong gamit rito, inisiip ko nga paano kami magphophotshoot ng walang lighting o kung kailangan ba pa non?

“We don’t need lighting anymore, I don’t need that much light for the bathroom theme” she explained even though I didn’t ask. “Bathroom light is fine.”

“Anong susuotin ko? Mayroon akong bra na dinala, mukhang bagay naman o hindi ko na kailangan mag-bra?” sunod-sunod na tanong ko sa kanya.

I just looked at her because she seemed to have a hard time understanding what I said, she was still swallowing and holding her mouth.

What is happening to her?

“It’s okay with me without a bra, my chest won’t be visible, right?” dagdag ko pang tanong. Pero siya ay napailing na lang at bumuntong hininga. “Hindi ba maayos?” tanong ko ulit.

“It’s…fine, wear whatever you want” humihis siya at pumunta sa malapit na bintana at binuksan iyon. “Get ready in the bathroom, call me when you’re ready” she turned his back to me so I couldn’t see her face.

Pumasok na ako sa bathroom, dinala ko iyong black bra ko, hindi pa ako makapagdesisyon kung may bra ba ako o wala? May tubig naman, hindi naman makikita siguro ang dibdib ko?

Hinubad ko and pantalon ko. Tanging underwear lang ang iniwan ko bago ako sumampa sa bathroom, mukhang ready naman na siya dahil hakatang kalalagay lang ng tubig.

“Ayos na kaya ito? Tatawagin ko na siya?” Muli na naman akong binalot ng kaba, nararamdaman ko na namang mamamatay ako sa kabog ng dibdib ko.

“Bahala na”

“Abby, are you done?“narinigg ko si Maxl sa labas. “Can I come in?” Kung ano-ano na naman ang naririnig ko.

“Y-Yes” hindi na ako maka-focus, binalot na naman agad ako ng kaba. Dahan-dahan ko siyang pinanood na pumasok, hawak na niya ang camera niya.

Jusko, kainin na ako ng lupa! Bakit ganitong pagsubok pa ang nagawa kong subukin? Mababaliw na yata ako.

Our eyes met when she finally got inside, she closed the door and looked at me again. I can see the twinkling of her eyes and her swallowing again.

“Let’s start…” bahagya siyang lumapit sa akin. Lumuhod upang magkapantay kaming dalawa. “What your pose? I will help you” hindi ko alam kung bakit malambot na naman ang mga boses niya.

“Pwede naman siguro yung ganito”

I put my arm on the side of the bathtub and I put my chin on my arm that was resting on the side of the bathtub.

I turned to Maxl who was watching me intently, when I finished my pose, her eyes moved to my eyes.

“Is it alright?” I asked her. I saw her eyes, ang lalim ng tingin niya sa akin. “Maxl…”

“Yes…” mahinang sagot niya. “What about your look? what you like?”

“Focus na lang muna ako sa camera?” Tumango siya. “Let’s start na”

Malalagutan na yata ako ng hininga! Hindi na ako makahinga sa lapit naming dalawa pero mabuti na lang ay tumayo na siya at tinutok na ang camera sa akin.

“Focus, Abby” I nodded at her. Nag-focus ako sa camera kagaya ng sinabi at gusto naming dalawa. Ang dalawang pose ay naging maayos naman. Ang pangalawa ay nakaiwas na ako ng tingin sa camera, nagawa ko naman iyon nang mabuti.

I can’t hear anything from Maxl but I catch her staring at me out of the corner of my eye.

The third pose she spoke.

“I just have a suggestion, can you wet your hair?” she asked me so we both looked at each other, I was still in water so she couldn’t see my chest. “is it okay?”

“Yes” bago pa ako makatayo upang kunin amg shower ay naunahan na niya ako. “Maxl,” tawag ko.

She knelt down again so that we were both facing each other. She was closer, she was holding the edge of the bathtub. “I’ll help you” she said hoarsely.

I didn’t say a word and just let the water flow through my head until it flowed through my chest.

It’s very cold but I don’t feel anything but warmth. What is happening to me? Bigla ko na lang nararamdaman ito.

Mas nagulat ako nang hinawakan niya ako, hiya mismo ang naghawi ng buhok kong basa na ngayon. I look at her. Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa.

Her eyes were shining looking at me. She pulled my hair twice until she stopped.

“It’s fine, it suits you. I just fixed it” she stood up and took her camera. “Are you ready? Pose now”

Gumalaw ako, Pinagdikit ko ang dalawang tuhod ko at tumingala sa kanya. Nakatutuok na sa akin ang camera.

“Ready?” She asked me.

“Yes, I am ready”

Nakuhaan niya ako ng dalawang beses at kagaya sa unang pose ay kasama roon ang pag-iwas ng tingin ko sa camera.

I hugged myself because I could see my body.

“What’s your next pose, Abby?” she looked at me and came back to me in the bathtub. “How about you lie down?” I looked at what she was saying.

But I don’t have a bra? Mabuti naman ang naisip niya pero wala akong bra.

Napalunok ako at tumingala sa kanya. Sobrang lapit ng mukha namin sa isa’t-isa.

I licked my lips because we’re looking at each other. She was holding the side and looking at me.

“I don’t have a bra…” Iyon na lang ang tanging nasabi ko. Kailangan kong mapigilan ang sarili ko na naapektuhan ako sa titigan naming dalawa. Hindi ako marupok!!

Bumaba ang tingin niya pero agad din bumalik sa akin. “Wear bra, Abby” she said softly at parang bata naman akong tumango. “Where’s your bra?”

Tinuro ko kung saan nakasabit ang bra ko, malapit iyon sa sink. Tumayo siyang muli, kinuha at ibinigay sa akin.

He turned his back on me so I put on my bra. It’s fine even if it gets wet.

“I’m fine” I said softly and laid down. My head rested on the head of the bathtub until I saw my body in the water. Maxl approached me like before, she just kept looking at me, her eyes were always on mine. “Ready?”

Hindi siya nagsalita pero tinutok lang niya ang camera sa akin. Ginawa ko na naman ang pose na alam ko at babagay naman sa akin. The last pose I did was I put my hand on my forehead and looked attractively at the camera. Thats enough na siguro. Tama na sa bathtub, kanina pa ako rito. Nilalamig na ako.

Nilingon ko si Maxl na abala kakatingin ng pictures ko sa camera niya. Hindi niya napansin ang pagtayo ko sa bathtub, napansin lang niya iyon noong nakatapak na ako sa labas.

When she looked at me, I pointed to the sink so she looked there too. “How about the sink?” I asked her.

I’m cold but I don’t want to show it, I’m wet too at gusto ko na lang talagang maligo nang tuluyan.

Kita ko ang paghagod ng tingin sa akin kaya kaagad akong pinamulahan at nahiya.

“Okay” iyon na lang ang nasagot niya. Peri nagulat ako nang lumapit siya sa akin at inalay ang kamay niya. “I’ll help you walk”

When I reached for her hand, my hand and my whole body immediately felt relief. More convenient than before. Napahinga ako habang naglalakad kami papalapit sa sink. Alam ko naman ang ipopose sa sink.

Hindi naging mahirao sa akin ang pose namin sa sink. Mas madali na lang iyon. Maayos kong nagawa dahil pinakita niya ang ilang parte ko sa camera.

““Are we done?” I asked her. She got a lot from me. Maybe she still wants something here in her bathroom.

She looked at me. Ayan na naman yung tingin niya sa akin. Masyadong kakaiba at hindi ko na naman maipaliwanag.

Lumapit siya sa akin at tinutuok ang camera. Umayos na lang din ako kasi maayos naman kung solo ako at wala ng pose ang gagawin ko.

After she finished pressing the camera, she lowered it and looked at my photo again. I was just looking at her, still catching my breath, she was so close and I didn’t know what else to do.

“Abby,” tawag niya sa akin. Hindi ko pa naman pinuputol ang tingin naming dalawa. Dahan-dahan siyang lumapit sa akin at huminto lang nang malapit na magkadikit ang labi niya noo ko.

“W-Why?” kabadong tanong ko. I’m going crazy and losing my sanity again because of her closeness to me. Ano bang gagawin ko?! Itutulak ko ba siya?

Baliw na talaga ako, binabaliw niya ako

“M-Maxl” tawag ko dahilan para mapahawak na ako sa balikat niya. “W-What’s the problema?” pilit kong tinatagan ang titiig sa kanya.

“Abby” She called me hoarsely, I swallowed harder and closed my eyes when I felt her hold both of my waists. Because I was only wearing a bra, I could feel the heat in her palms. “You’re so pretty…”

Humigpit ang kapit ko sa damit niya. Nakakabaliw, nababaliw na ako!

“M-Maxl” pilit ko siyang nilayo sa akin ngunit natitigilan akong gawin iyon. “C-Can you let me g-go?”

Her jaw moved. “Why? do you want me to let you go?” I suddenly swallowed.

Hindi ako makasagot. Walang lumalabas sa bibig ko ngayon.

She moved but before I could look up at her, her lips met mine which made me even more surprised and crazy.

She kissed me. Maxl kissed me!

Hindi ko siya.magawang itulak dahil nararamdaman ko na ang paggalaw ng labi niya. Gumagalaw iyon at parang inaakit pa ako g sabayan siya.

I’m not on my own, I just feel that I’m going along with each of her kisses, I’m kissing her back. My grip on her shoulder tightened, I couldn’t take it anymore. She must have felt that she got me because it was her tongue that I felt moved.

Shit, bumigay na ako, sorry Mommy, Daddy!

The two of us kiss deeper, I’m flowing into her because I can’t stop it anymore and I’m drowning in her kisses. I won’t hold back any longer but I know when this is all over, I will regret everything.

I could feel her holding me, I felt some relief because her arms were now hugging my waist. The kiss between the two of us didn’t stop even though I didn’t know where she was going to put me down but that wasn’t there when she put me down but in the small cabinet. She didn’t stop, she’s still kissing me.

Naririnig ko na ang bawat tunog nng aming mga labi.

“Hmm” hindi ko na mapigilang mapangungol, hindi na ako makahinga at pakiramdam k okakapusin na ako.

Lumayo ako sa kanya.

I breathed hard, I couldn’t do it but she seemed like she wanted to kiss me again.

“M-Maxl” I had a hard time calling her because I was still catching my breath, she just looked at me, she looked very soft while her whole face was still red. Like me, she is also catching her breath. “Let—” she didn’t finish what I was going to say when she kissed me again.

It became more passionate as if she didn’t want my lips to leave her lips. At ang mga kamay niya nanatiling nakayakap at nakahawal sa aking likod.

Anong nangyayari sa kanya? Bigla na lang niya akong hinalikan at sumasabay naman ako sa kanya.

“Hmm”

Shit, I can’t stop moaning nang maramdaman ko ang paghaplos niya sa aking likod. Hindi ko maipaliwanag ang pakiramdam na iyon.

Parang ayoko nang bitawan niya ako.

Her grip on me loosened, it became gentle and her kiss slowed down little by little. I felt her, we slowly stopped kissing. Bahagyang bumaba ang hawak ko sa balikat niya.

Huminga akong muli, dahan-dahan kaming humiwalay sa isa’t-isa. I can still see her soft eyes as she looks at me, so deep and I can’t get out of those eyes.

Nakakabliw marinig ang bawat hininga niya, napayuko at inayos ang aking pagkakaupo. Anong gagawin ko ngayon? Kinakabahan ako.

“Abby…” mahinang tawag niya.

“I want to shower” hindi siya hinintay magsalita, umalis ako sa kung saan niya ako pinatong. “Ayokong makipag-usap, hindi ko alam sasabihin ko.”

Umiwas at lumayo ako sa kanya. Hindi ko siya tinitignan kaya hindi ki nakikita kung anong itsura njya.

“I’ll leave some clothes for you to change into” natinig ko siya habang papalapit ako sa bathtub, hinubad ko ang bra ko habang nakatalikod pa rin sa kanya. “Take a bath”

I heard the door close causing me to fall down and lean against the bathtub. I’m already wet and wondering how I’m going to deal with her after getting out of here and until the next day.

What happened to me to agree to kiss her? Bakit din ako nagpadala sa kanya?

Napasabunot ako sa buhok ko, napahmpas pa ako sa tubig. Grabeng inis ang bumabalot sa akin sa sobrang hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin ko.

Ilang minuto yata akong nasa banyo parang ayaw ko na ngang umalis. Pwede bang pagkatapos nito aalis na ako rito sa bahay niya?

When I came out of the bathroom, I looked at her deskstop, naroon siya. Her desktop is beautiful, very clean, mukhang bagong set up pa iyon dahil may extra monitor pa siya.

Nakatutok siya roon, nakita ko ang picture ko kaya sure akong ineedit niya iyon.

In the few minutes I watched her, I could see her staring at my picture, there were many, but she was only looking at the picture where I was lying and sitting.

Really? Anong nangyayari sa kanya?

Napahilamos siya at napatingin. Nasaphotopaper na ang picture ko. Kinuha niya iyon at tumayo kaya nagulat din ako. Agad akong nagpapagnggap na nag aayos ng buhok at damit ko.

“Abby” tawag niya pero tinignan ko lang siya sa salamin. “Do you want to eat?” she asked me but I didn’t speak again. “I’ll give you the extra pictures” Nasa photopaper nga iyon

“Okay, Thank you” iyon na lang ang nasabi ko. Gusto ko rin namang makita ang mga kuha ko.

“Let’s eat” iyon pa rin ang sinabi niya at tumango na lang ako. Sumunod ako sa kanya palabas, ayokong magsalita, baka kung ano lang masabi ko.

Pababa na kami nang bukas ang front door na siyang kinatigil naming dalawa sa pagbaba. Bumangad sa amin ang isang matanda lalaki, may hawak itong tungkod at may likang bodyguard na kasama.

The old man looked at us but he looked at me longer.

Maxl moved so we looked at her.

“Lolo” tawag ni Maxl dito at sinalubong ito. Hindi ko alam kung gagalaw ako o kung anong gagawin ko. “Why didn’t you say you were coming here?” I saw how she kissed her grandfather on the forehead.

“And you didn’t tell me that you were bringing a woman here, who is she? Is your girlfriend—” Mabilis akong naging alerto.

“Hindi po!” kabadong sambit ko sa kanya. Hindi naman talaga, ano ba naisip ng Lolo niya?

Narinig ko ang tawa nito kaya mas naguluhan ako. Hinawaka nito si Maxl sa balikat, inalalayan siya nito hanggang sa makapunta sa pinto papasok sa dining area.

“Abby, come with us” sumunod na ako agad sa kanila. Pagdatng sa lamesa ay nakita ko na agad na may nakahandang pagkain roon.

Nakatingin ako sa kanilang dalawa dahil tinutulungan ni Maxl ang Lolo niya, ako naman ay naghanda ng plato para sa aming tatlo. Una kong inasikaso amg Lolo niya.

Hindi ko pinansin ang pagtingin sa akin ni Maxl, hindi siya ang problema at ayoko na problemahin pa.

I gave him food and smiled broadly at his grandfather. It made me smile even more. Tumango ito sa akin at hinawakan ang pisngi ko.

“Salamat, ganda” Napalitan ako ng hiya bigla dahil sa sinabi niyang iyon. “Kumain na tayo, Maxl, umupo ka na” Umupo si Maxl pero malayo ang distansya naming dalawa.

Ayoko na magkatabi pa kaming dalawa. Hindi ko na hahayaang magkadikit pa kami. Ayoko na talaga.

“So, bakit ka pala nandito, Hija?” tanong ng Lolo niya sa akin, kumakain na kasi kami. Puro kasi katshimikan kaya siguro nagtanong na siya.

“Model niya po ako” magalang na sagot ko sa kanya.

Kita kong naamaze ang Lolo niya pero mas lamang na kikita ko ang pang-aasar nitong tingin sa Apo niya.

“You took someone else as your model?” Lolo asked in disbelief.

I saw that her granddaughter nodded at what he said. Nilingon ako agad.

Anong ibig sabihin nito na ngayon lang kumuha ng mode na bago? Sino ba mga kinukuha niya dati?

Tahimik ako habang nakikinig sa kanilang dalawa.

“Bago yan sayo, apo” natatawang umiling ang Lolo niya. “Hija, anong pangalan mo?” nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya.

“Abbigail po” Magalang na sabi ko sa kanya.

“Magkaklase kayo?”

“Hindi po, Business Management po ako” Muli na naman napailing ang Lolo niya.

“Inaalagaan ka ba ng apo ko? Sinundo ka ba?” napalunok ako sa tanong niya. Simpleng tanong lang naman iyon pero kinabahan ako.

“Lo, I picked her up and brought her here” si Maxl ang sumagot sa kanya. “She’s Abbigail, Lo, not my classmate”

“Hindi naman ba masungit ang apo ko sayo, Hija?” ako muli ang tinanong nito.

“H-Hindi po” mahihiyang sagot ko kasi totoo naman, hindi naman siya masungit sa akin? mukha pa nga siyang mabait. “Hindi po siya masungit”

“Mabuti naman peri mabait nanan yan, minsan lang talaga masungit siya.” Maliit akong ngumiti sa kanya.

“Apo, hindi ba nagpunta rito si Angel?” si Maxl na ang tinatanong niya ngayon. Wala naman akong pake pero literal na parang tumaas ang tenga ko sa pagbanggit ng pangalan ng ibang babae.

Angel? Sino yun?

“No, Lo, maybe she’s busy right now?” Sagot naman ni Maxl. “I’ll call her right po”

Tahimik lang ako hanggang sa matapos kaming kumain. Minsan naman ay kinakausap ako ng Lolo niya pero tungkol naman kay Maxl kaya mas nagiging awkward kaming dalawa sa isa’t-isa. Iniiwasan ko na ngang magkatinginna kami dahil sa nangyari kanina.

Hanggang sa matapos kami at nagpaiwan ang Lolo niya sa may garden para raw magpahangin at hinahayaan kaming dalawa dahil baka raw busy pa kaming dalawa.

Tapos naman na siguro ito diba? Hindi na ako papayag, ayoko na at ayoko na madagdagan pa ang kasalanan ko.

“I’m going home” that’s what I said after I finished arranging all the things, I also took my panties and bra from her bathroom. Wala akong maiiwanan dito sa pamamahay niya. “Thank you for today, kaya ko na umuwi mag–”

“I’ll come with you, I have my car” parang ayaw niya pang hindi ako sumama sa kanya at pinagmamalaki niyang may kotse siya para sumabay ako sa kanya.

Nagpatinag ako, tama na ang isang beses. Ayoko ng maiwanan pa sa mga nangyayari, gusto ko na matahimik dahil ako lang ang mahihirapan kong papayag pa ako sa mga ginagawa niya.

Chapter 5

I will never repeat everything that happened to us and to me, I learned the right thing from what we did and it will not happen again.

It’s a waste of my brains if I’m going to hit someone with a boyfriend, I’m going to hit this girl. Ayoko na. Buo na ang desisiyin ko. Kailangan kong tumigil sa kahibangan ko.

Pagtapos ng araw na iyon ay iniwasan ko ang namamagitan sa aming dalawa. Hindi na rin ako pumayag pa para sa pinakahuling theme na usapan namin. Maghanap na lang siya ng bagong model dahil hindi ko na siya matatansya.

Masisiraan lang ako ng bait lalo.

For the past two weeks, I’ve been distracting myself because it’s finals and I have to study hard, I’m glad I passed because that’s the only thing I like about studying. Even though I was distracted, I still insisted, I didn’t need to let go of my hard work. Makakapaghintay naman ang pag-big sa akin, ang pag-aaral ay hindi, hindi ko kailangang pabayaan at paghintayin.

Natapos nang dalawang finals ko at may tatlo pa akong natitira. Nag-aaral lang ako nang nag-aaral, minsan naman ay kasama ko sila Andy mag-aral. Sa library at bahay na lang ang tambayan ko sa loob ng dalawang linggo. Kailangan ko kasi at hindi ako matatahimik kapag nabagsak ko ang semester na ito.

I pulled my hair out, but stopped because I remembered something again. I avoid remembering that because I can’t really avoid pulling my hair out whenever it happens. I closed my eyes and swallowed hard. Kailan ba iyon maalis? Hindi ko na maalis dahil nababaliw lang ako.

Kinuha ko ang baso kong may laman sa gilid ng table ko at ininom iyon. Pagkainom ko ay binaba ko iyon at muling tumunganga.

Ayoko ngang madistract pero may mga oras na hinahayaan ko namang lamunin ako nito. Halo-halo na nga ang iniisip ko. May nalaman pa akong nangyari kay Agustina at Travis, na niloko lang siya nito at nagkaroon na ng anak sa iba? seryoso ba siya? Hindi siya pinili ni Agustina para piliin niyang maging gago.

I want to go to the mansion again but I still have too much to worry about. It’s right for me to focus on myself first.

I sighed when I finished my last exam for that semester. That’s right, I’m tired of killing myself just to study hard.

“Tapos na!!!” narinig kong sigaw ni Andy, yumuko ito sa table at hinampas iyon. “Dalawang linggo akong walang maayos na tulog at kain, babawi ako. Tapos na ang pagdurusa ko.”

“Kailangan ko na humilata nang buong araw” ganon din si Jerico pero nakasandal ito. Lahat ng kaklase ko ay mga nakatungo na sa table, nagpapahinga.

That’s right, We need to rest. Tapos na ang hell week.

My two weeks were also very stressful. It’s good that I remembered something because I had a lot on my mind. I want to rest so bad.

“Ay, Abby, ano nangyari sayo?” Ayan na naman sila. Wala naman kasi akong hindi nakukwento sa kanila, palagi kasi nila akong napapnsin. Sila rin ang nakakapansin sa akin na parang iwas ako kapag nakakasalubong namin ang barkada ni Maxl. “Wala na akong balita dun kay Gerald, baka hiwalay na sila?”

“Hindi na rin sila magkasama simula nong naging model ka niya o baka hindi naman talaga sila? Halatang di interesado si Maxl sa kanya” si Jerico, nilingon ako. “Iyon lang ang tingin ko “

“Oo, pwede rin, hindi ko siya nakitang naging interesado” I sighed. Wala naman akong problrema dun, basta ang alam ko nilayo ko lang sarili ko dahil kung totoo na may boyfriend siya, iiwas ako. At sa nangyari sa amin sa bathroom niya ay kahit sino naman ay mapapaiwas na lang.

I can’t deny that that’s what was on my mind, I didn’t see her and I didn’t even pay attention to her after that happened. It’s like I want to know something from her that only she can answer.

Masasagot niya ba iyon? Hindi naman? I’m sure I like her but I’m not sure if she likes me or if she just really wants to kiss me.

Daming tanong sa isip ko, sabi ko pa naman sa sarili ko ay tama na iyon.

“Abby”may tawag sa akin kaya napatingin ako roon. Nakita ko si Jed na nakaabang sa pintuan. Tumayo ako at nilapitan siya. “Hello, Abby, how are you?”

Ngumiti ako. “I am fine, Jed, tapos na ang finals, kayo ba?” nakangiting sabi ko sa kanya. “Tapos na rin ba? Bakit ka pala nandito?” tanong ko ulit.

Ngumiti siya sa akin. May itsura itong si Jef kaya hindi na ako magtataka kung bakit maraming nagkakagusto sa kanya. He is also smart and sporty.

“Si Coach kasi, pinapatanong kung pumayag ka na ba raw maglaro ka ulit sa intrams?” napakamit siya ng ulo. “Gusto niya talaga sumali ka ulit, tapos naman na raw ang finals mo”

I just shook my head. Coach Denero will not stop until I am allowed to play. “I’ll think about it, my schedule is full to train” malumanay na sambit ko.

“Okay” ngumiti siya. “Gusto ki na rin makita ka ulit maglaro, wala na pumalit sayong babae eh” Tumango ako.

“Thank you so much” Umalis na rin ito dahil may training pa siya. Badminton at Basketball kasi ang nilalaro niya kaya dagdag din iyon.

When lunch came, I was alone because Jerico and Andy were called to the basketball club. Mukhang ayaw pa pero ginusto naman nila iyon.

I stopped walking because I realized that I was in front of the studio, there was no one there. There are photo papers on display and different ones in the photo.

I opened it and slowly entered. There is no one here. Nasaan kaya sila Maxl? Mukhang may event na naman sila dahil marami na naman ang nasa backdrops at design ng buong studio.

I looked at the photos, I saw that those were the models because there was a label on them. I looked for my photo but it wasn’t there. Hindi ba pwede idisplay iyon? o sadyang kulang dahil dalawa lang theme? Hindi siya nilagay ni Maxl?

Puro babae halos ang model, kaunti lang ang lalaking nakikita ko. Ang iba naman sa kanila ay kagaya kong may bathroom theme pero ang iba ay sa red room pa yata base sa nakikita ko. Red room?

That theme is good, that’s the only thing I can’t call if it was a romance or not? Red room for mature, I think?

Napatigil ako kakatingin sa mga litrato nang marinig ko ang pagbukas at sarado ng pintuan. Nilingon ko iyon.

Maxl came up to me holding her camera, the camera bag on her shoulder and looking at me. She also looked surprised to see me.

Nagtitigan kaming dalawa. Nagsisimula na namang kumabog ang dibdib ko. I haven’t seen her for two weeks and it will be three weeks if we don’t see each other now.

“S-Sorry” iyon na lang ang nasabi ko. Hindi ko rin talaga alam bakit naaakit ako ng studio at napapapasok pa ako rito. “Aalis na ako” bago pa ako makalapit sa pintuan ay hinawakan niya iyon. Nilingon ko siya.

“Can we talk?” She’s serious now, she’s not looking at me softly, that’s strange, she seems really serious.

I swallowed hard. Ako pa yung kinakabahan.

“W-What? A-Anong pag-uusapan natin?” iyon na lang ang tanging nasabi ko. Lumayo ako dahil malapit na naman ako sa kanya. Tinignan niya ang distansya naming dalawa.

“Don’t leave,” tinuro niya ang sofa. Hindi ko iyon masyadong makita dahil bahagya niyang pinatay ang ilaw. Naging malayo ito. “Sit down”

Umupo ako kagaya ng sinabi niya. I looked ahead, they had a glow in the dark, I didn’t notice it kanina. Mas lalo naging maganda ang backfdrop dahil naroon ang mga litrato.

Maxl came to the table and put down her amera, even though it was a bit dark I saw her turn in my direction and walk closer.

As she approached, my chest pounded even more, after two weeks my heart was still pero ko patay na.

Tumigil siya sa gilid ko at unti-unting umupo sa tabi ko. The sofa moved so I was even more nervous, she was close to me again. Baka masiraan na naman ako ng bait.

Saglit kaming binalot ng katahimikan, huminga kasi siya nang sobrang lalim.

“How are you? How’s your finals?” Iyon ang naririnig ko sa kanya. Kita ko pa rin naman siya, kita ko ang mga mata niyang sa akin na naman nakatingin.

“Hmm…Ayos lang ang finals ko, naiahon ko naman lahat ng iyon, tapos na ako” sambit ko. “Ikaw ba? how are you?”

“I  am fine.” naramdaman at nakita ko siyang sumandal sa sofa pero hindi inaalis ang tingin sa akin.

Muli kaming binalot ng katahimikan pero hindi naman namin inaalis ang tingin namin sa isa’t-isa. Pinapakiramdam ko ang sarili ko.

“Why can’t I see my pictures on the displays?” I pointed to the photo papers in front. She still didn’t take her eyes off me.

She sighed. “I want to be the only one who can see your pictures” Bahagyang nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Napalunok ako, hindi ko na nasabayn pa ang paglapit niya sa akin at sumiksik sa leeg ko.

“Abby, I like you” I was deafened again by the pounding of my chest, I didn’t know how to react because even I was nervous. “I am sorry if I crossed my boundaries to kiss you” she said softly. “I am sorry, Abby”

She likes me? Seryoso ba siya? Bakit niya ito sinasabi sa akin?

I felt her breath on my neck which gave me a strange feeling. I swallowed again.

I was so shocked that I knew I couldn’t speak.

I also wanted to confess to her but I couldn’t say anything. Am I scared? at least I never felt that she was with me.

“I don’t have a boyfriend, Gerald is not my boyfriend, he just believes that we are in a relationship” she gently explained to me she still didn’t leave my neck. ““Trust me, I know that’s why you avoided me for two weeks”

Naramdaman ko ang pag-iling niya sa leeg ko. “You’re the only one I want, Abby…”

“Maxl…” iyon na lang ang nasabi ko. Hindi talaga ako makapagsalita. Hindi ko itatanggi may kung anong humaplos sa puso ko sa mga paliwanag niya, naniniwala ako sa kanya. Hindi ko iyon maitatago sa sarili ko. “I understand you”

She slowly moved away from me. Silently and never spoke again. “I am not mad, I’m just shocked and I don’t know why I let myself respond to your kisses the last time we met” nakayuko siya pero alam kong naririnig siya sa akin. “I told myself that I won’t allow it to happen again because I’m not stupid enough to hit with someone I know is in a relationship”

“I am not in a relationship” Nagsalita siya. Umiiling. “I am single since birth, Abby” Totoo?

“Totoo? Single ka since birth?” hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko. “Maraming nagkakagusto sayo, single ka since birth?”

“Yes, I am not interested before on someone” She said again. “I liked you when Professor Reyes introduced you to me”

I have no words, I can’t speak anymore. Because she liked me even before me.

“Kaya rin kita iniwasan dahil ayoko na mangyari pa iyon at may boyfriend ka nga pero wala naman pala” muli akong nagsalita. “Nilalayo ko lang din ang sarili ko”

We were silent again. I can’t look at her because she’s just bent down in front of me, doesn’t she want to look at me anymore?

“Maxl” tawag ko, hindi ko siya narinig nagsalita. “Maxl, I have a crush on you until I realized that I like you” Kita kong gumalaw siya, mabilis na nag-angat ng tingin sa akin. “I am telli—”

I hadn’t finished what I was going to say when she kissed me on the lips, she kissed me more tenderly. I grabbed her shoulder because she started to stick to me.

I miss her, I miss her scent, I miss her presence with me.

Dahan-dahan akong yumakap sa leeg niya, ang kamay niya ay masuyong pumulupot sa aking baywang.

My lips are going along with her movements. Her kisses are so addictive, the only thing different now is that she kisses me tenderly and gently. Naramdaman ko ang pagbuhat niya sa akin, umayos siya pagkakaupo at nilapag ako sa lap niya.

“Hmm” I mumbled when she inserted her tongue inside me, it was going together again so I felt like I was losing my sanity again. Napapaungol ako sa gitna ng halikan naming dalawa.

She caresses my back, we are so close that I can feel her warm skin again.

Hinawakan ko ang pisngi niya dahil bumabagal na ang paghalik niya. Alam kong titigil na siya.

I breathed hard again, ganon din siya. Naririnig ko siya at mas naamoy ko na naman ang hininga niya.

“M-Maxl” naghahabol ako ng hininga. Lumapit ako at dinikit ang aking mukha sa pisngi niya upang huminga. Hinagod niya naman ang likod ko.

“Breath properly, baby” She said. Pinamulahan ako agad sa sinabi niya. “You’re so warm…”

She hugged me again and buried her face in my neck. “I’ve waited a long time to be able to hold you like this” she said softly. “Please, date me”

Umisiksik siya sa leeg ko at mahigpit akong niyayakap. Maramdaman ko pa nga ang paulit-ulit niyang pagdidikit sa leeg ko.

Ilang minuto siguro kaming nanahimik na dalawa. Hindi pa rin kami kumakalas sa isa’t-isa, nakaupo pa rin ako hita niya at nakayakap pa rin siya sa akin.

Dahan-dahan kong hinaplos ang kanyang buhok, napangiti pa ako dahil bagsak na bagsak ito at hindi ako mahihirapan haplusin. The scent of her hair and body made me more addicted to her, I don’t want her to be away from me.

Ang sarap niyang yakapin. Ayoko na siyang binatawan pa.

I kissed her hair tenderly.

She moved and slowly moved her face away from my neck. We both looked at each other, I didn’t fail to smile at her.

Binigyan niya ako ng malambing na halik sa pisngi, inayos niya ang buhok at bangs ko. Ngumiti siya sa akin.

“Are you okay, Abby?” she asked me after she finished fixing my hair and her hands returned to my waist.

Tumango ako.

“Yes, You?” Gumalaw ako, kailangan ko na umalis sa kandungan niya dahil baka mahihirapan na siya sa akin. Pinigilan niya ako at mas nilapit sa kanya. “Aayos na ako ng up–”

“No! No, Abby” muli niyang dinikit ang mukha niya sa pisngi ko. “Don’t leave me”

Natawa ako sa sinabi niya. Hindi naman ako aalis, aalis lang ako sa kandungan niya at uupo ako sa tabi niya.

“Hindi, Aalis lang ako sa tabi mo” Umiiling siya sa pisngi ko.

Ang cute naman ng isang ’to

“Maxl” natatawang tawag ko sa kanya. “Alis na ako sa lap mo”

“No kasi” cute ng tagalog niya. Minsan hindi pa siya sanay mag-tagalog kaya iba nagiging accent.

Hindi na ako gumalaw oara hindi na siya umangal. Baka makurot ko siya dahil nakakagigil talaga siya.

“Are you going to date me?” lumayo na naman ang mukha niya para tignan ako. “Please date me, Abby”

“Oo, let’s date, okay?” tinapik ko ang pisngi niya. “Stop pouting, ang cute mo naman” Kita kong ngumiti siyam

Masuyong hinaplos ko ang pisngi niya gamit ang hinlalaki ko, hindi ko alam, masaya lang ang puso ko. Sobrang saya ko habang tinitignan ko siya.

Ang ganda niya, ang ganda niya talaga. Parang gusto ko na naman siyang halikan.

I brought my face closer to her and kissed her softly on the lips again. I saw that she was just looking at me but responded to my kiss.

“Why, Abby?”

“Akin ka lang?” kaagad na tanong ko na siyang kinabigla niya pero agad din namang nakabawi sa akin.

Tumango siya na may ngiti sa labi. “Yes, Always yours” She kissedm me again.

“Are you leaving?” She asked me while holding my waist. Inaayos ko na rin ang sarili ko. Mabuti na lang ay hindi ako nag-skirt ngayon.

Tumango ako at hinawakan ang braso niya. Wag niya akong ihahatid, kaya ko na ang sarili ko at baka makita na naman kami ng mga kaibigan ko kung ano na namang isipin nila sa akin.

I nodded at her with a smile “Yes, I’ll go to class” She looked down at me because she was taller than me.

“You haven’t had lunch” she said softly to me. “We have a small refrigerator, I have food” She was about to leave when I stopped her. “No, You need to eat, I know you’re hungry”

Ngumuso ako. Hinalikan niya ako sa pisngi bago siya lumapit sa isang pader na paliko at nandun pala ang ref na sinasabi niya.

“May ref pala kayo, Yaman naman ng mga Photographer dito” birong sabi ko.

“No, We’re not” sagot niya at may bitbit ng box na laman siguro ng isamg macaroni. “Macaroni?”

“Kumakain  ako niyan” Baka akala niya hindi ako kumakain ng macaroni. “Let’s eat, sabay ka na sa akin.”

Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at umupo kami muli sa sofa. Binuksan niya iyon at kumain na kaming dalawa.

Habang kumakain ay dinadaldal ko siya. Nagiging madaldal na naman ako kahit kika Andy ay wala naman akong ginawa kundi makipagbiruan. Masyado lang akong seryoso nong nakaraan dahil finals ko na at masyado akong overwhelm sa lahat.

Mabuti nakabawi na ako. Finals talaga ang papatay sa akin.

“Where’s your Lolo now?” tanong ko pagkasubo ko sa kanya ng macaroni. Bigla ko namiss ang Lolo niya, maligig kasi iyon kumpara kay Maxl na ang kalmado lang peri pagdating sa akin batak na batak siya maging malambing.

She looked at me, she chewed what she was eating before answering me. “London” she said. Parang wala siya gana kalag mga ganoong bagay ang pinag-uusapan.

Hindi naman siguro gusto niya ako ay sasabihin niya lahat sa akin. May limits pa rin talaga dapat ako.

She noticed my silence. She held my waist again. “Sorry, I don’t really want to talk about my family. But Lolo is fine, he’ll be home next two months” I nodded.

May problema kaya sa pamilya niya? Kaya ba siya mag-isa lang? Nakabukod pa siya at binigyan ng mansyon ng Lolo niya.

“It’s okay, I understand po” Nakangiting sambit ko. Ayos lang talaga at naiintindihan ko kung hindi siya magsasabi at hindi pa siya ready. Ayoko siyang pilitin.

“I’ll tell her everything when I can, I won’t really open up about us but I’ll try because I have nothing to hide from you. I’ll tell you everything”

Pagtapos ng usapan namin iyon ay umalis na ako. Ayoko siya maabala dahil dumating na rin ang mga kaklase niya at may klase na rin ako kaya umalis na ako.

Kita ko namang nagbubukungan sila Jerico pagpasok ko, Ang hina kaya hindi ko marinig dahil maingay ang mga kaklase kong lalaki sa unahan.

“Tangina naman, pare, are you gay?”

“Oo, tanggap nyo pa rin ba ako?”

“Aba, oo kahit maging babae ka, mahal ka namin, pa-kiss”

“Tangina niyo, niloko nyo pa ako”

“Anong pinag-uusapan nyong dalawa dyan?” nakisali ako sa kanimang dalawa. Ang seryoso namang dalawa ito.

“Are you dating Maxlene Angel Ramirez, Abbigail Del Mundo?” Umawang ang bibig ko dahil sa tanong niya, buong pangalan namin dalawa ni Maxl ang binanggit niya.

Chapter 6

“What?” si Andy naman ang nagsalita. “Magsalita ka, Mundo”  Tinuro ko lang siya at hindi na nakapagsalita. Umupo ako sa harapan nila.

Naghihintay pa rin sila ng sagot ko. Ramdam kong natahimik ang buong class. Iilan na lang naman kami sa room nasa 10 na lang siguro kami o 15. Marami na kasing nag-shift.

“Maxl said na hindi niya boyfri—” naputol ang sasabihin ko.

“Edi totoo ang chismis na si Gerald lang pala ang nagpipilit ng relasyon nila at umaasa kay Maxl” narinig ko si Elijah, siya kasi ’yung nagsalita. Lumapit siya sa amin at umamba ako sa kanya. “Chill, alam ko lang, pinagchichismisan na kaya sila”

“Pero totoo?” Tanong ko kay Elijah din. “Sinabi naman sa akin ni Maxl, single siya since—”

“Are you fucking serious?” mura ni Jerico at hinawakan ang damit ko. “Hindi ako makapaniwala!” kulang na lang ay pati kwelyo ng damit ko ay hilahin niya peri hindi niya ginawa.

“Yes, nag-usap kami ni Maxl kaya late na rin ako at…oo, we’re dat–”

“Bading” si Andy at tinawanan lang namin ni Elijah. “Paano nga kasi? Parang bata lang tingin sa akin ni Aki”

“Bata ka naman talaga? Anong year ka palang, mas angat siya sayo ng isang taon.” si Jerico naman ang nang-aaar sa kanya. “Gumawa ka kasi ng paraan, nahuhuli ka na”

“Hayop ka, ikaw nga, nireject ka!”

Nagulat ako kaya sumali ako sa usapan nila. “Totoo? Nireject ka, Jerico?” Sumimangot naman ito sa akin napakamot sa ulo at unti-unting napakamot sa ulo niya.

“Oo nga, totoo yun, manahimik na kayo mga babae” tila napipikon na siya sa amin. Elijah ay tumatawa lang kanina pa niya kami piangtatawanan.

“Hoy Elijah! Kanina ka pa tawa nang tawa yan!” si Andy sa kanya. “Masyado ka bang masaya sa mga buhay namin? si Abby lang masama rito, kaming dalawa ni Jerico ay hindi.”

“Umamin ka na ba kay Aki, Andy?” ako naman ang nagtanong sa kanya. “Pinapansin ka naman non ha? nakita ko nga yun nakatingin sayo nong nag-photo shoot ako sa studio nila” Parsng tumaas bigla ang tenga ni Andy nang sabihin ko iyon.

“Ano kamo? Ulitin mo yung sinabi mo!” hinawakan niya ang kwelyo ko at hinili, ngayon ay  nakatapat na ako sa tenga niya. “Ulitin mo”

“Sabi ko, nakatingin siya sayo nong nasa studio tayo!!” sigaw ko kaya napalayo siya sa akin.

“Tangina neto” Hinawakan nag tenga niya na sinigawan ko. “Pero totoo ba?  o gusto mo lang akong umasa?”

Napairap ako, hindi ako kasing sama niya na halos isumpa na kaming dalawa ni Jerico isama mo pa si Elijah na banas na banas siya.

“Totoo nga, hindi ako nagsisinungaling, nakatingin siya sayo habang inaaway mo si Jerico noong nakaraan” sabi ko. Napatingin sila Jerico kay Andy na may nakakalokong ngiti.

“Ah basta! pinaasa nyo lang ako” She said while pouting, natawa kaming tatlo. “Hindi ko nga siya nakikita”

“Busy kasi, Architect yun, Andy” si Elijah “Talagang wala siya—”

“Fuck you, Elijah!!” Nagtaas pa ito ng middle finger niya kay Elijah kaya mas lalong natawa kaming tatlo.

Asar na asar siya sa amin, sinasabay niya pang namimiss niya si Aki kasi hindi na niya nakikita. Busy naman talaga mga architecture student. Sagana lang talaga siya maghintay.

Natawa amg araw namin na puro lang kalokohan, last day na kasi at bakasyon na rin. Malapit na rin ang pasko pero hindi ko alam kung anong balak ng pamilya ko, gusto yata nilang magpasko kami sa Canada.

How about Maxl? Saan siya magpapasko? sinong kasama niya? Gusto ko siyang samahan magpasko at ipakilala sa parents ko? Pero masyado pa yatang maaga?

IIlang buwan palang nong umalis si Travis at ginawa nitong panloloko sa pinsan ko. Wala na rin kaming balita kung anong ginagawa at nasaan ngayon si David. Kahit sila Tito ay hindi na rin ito makausap o nakakausap.

Kinamusta ko naman si Agustina nong nakaraa pero tanging tango lang ito at halatamg malalim ang inisiip. Kapag nakita ko yung si Travis malilintikan siya sa akin.

I saw Maxl in the parking lot, she was leaning on her black Ford Raptor while scrolling on her cell phone. She hasn’t noticed me yet.

I just looked at her. I watch her every move, she’s so beautiful, ibang-iba na siya ngayon kumpara nong una kaming nagkakilala dahil kay Professor Reyes, mas lalo siyang naging matangkad at naging maganda, ibang-iba na rin ang kurba ng katawan niya dahil alam ko namang nag gym siya.

I smiled at lumapit na sa kanya. Nang mapansin niya ako ay kaagad siyang umalis sa pagkakasandal sa kotse niya at tinago ang phone sa bulsa.

“Hi” I couldn’t help but smile wide when she smiled at me, she came closer and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

“Did you wait long?” I asked her sweetly. She immediately shook her head at me.

“No and it’s fine, I’m waiting for you because we’re going home together” Hinawakan niya ang baywang ko. “Or do you want to eat dinner before going home or let’s eat at your dorm?”

“Yes, let’s eat sa dorm ko, ayos lang ba?” Pinagbuksan niya alo ng pintuan sa passenger’s seat.

“Yes, Abby” sambit niya at tinulnagan ako sa seatbelt ko pagpasok ko “What do you want to eat?”

“I want noodles at sushi?” Sambit ko. Umikot nan siya sa driver’s seat at sumakay.

“Noodles and sushi? What kind of noodles?”

She asked me again and started the car. I’m still looking at her.

“The spicy one? Do you eat spicy?” I asked smiling. “That’s delicious”

“Yes, I eat spicy, it’s delicious. My favorite so far is spicy, I also eat sushi. Let’s just buy something that can be paired with noodles, is that all right?” Nakangiting nililingon niyanako habang nagmamaneho siya.

“Okay!” Tumingin na ako sa labas. Hindi pa rin maalis ang ngiti ko. Talagang ako iyong dinedate niya ngayon, sana ako na lang palagi.

Sus, umamin lang siya sa akin e’ ganito na ako bigla.

“What are you thinking, Abby?” narinig ko siya kaya nilinggon ko siya muli. “something wrong?”

“Oh, nothing” umiiling. “Wala akong problema, hindi ko lang talaga mawala sa isip ko na we’re dating” Kita kong pamumula ng pisngi niya kaya natawa ako.

“Me too, I thought you didn’t like me, I thought you would be angry with me because I crossed my boundaries” Muli na naman akong umiling.

Nagustuhan ko nga mga halik at hawak niya sa akin.

Bading

“Nandito na tayo, dito na tayo bumili ng pagkain” turo ko sa Korean Store, malapit lang naman ito sa dorm na tinutuluyan ko.

Bumaba kami at pumasok na. Pagpasok ay binati kami ng nasa counter, si Jay, palagi naman kami nnagkikita nito dahil regular customer nila ako.

“Oh, naligaw kang bata ka, bakit ngayon ka lang?”  Tanong kita sa akin habang tumatawa. Lumapit ako sa kanya at nakipag-apir. “Ano nga? Buhay ka pa pala”

“Gago, buhay pa ako, muntik na akong mamatay nong finals kaya hindi ako nakakapunta rito” Tumango-tango ito sa akin, napatingin siya sa likod ko kaya nilingon ko si Maxl na seryoso lang nakatingin sa amin.

“May kasama ka pala, Abby” sabi ni Jay kaya tumango ako. Nilapitan ko si Maxl pero seryoso pa rin ang tingin niya sa akin.

“Maxl, ipakikilala kita kay Jay” I hold her hand. I feel that she is also holding me but she still does not speak. Did something happen and she suddenly became silent?

“Hello” Jay greeted her.

“Hi, I am Maxl Ramirez” Maxl’s voice was obviously disinterested, she reached out for Jay’s hand and they both shake hands.

She looked at me again. “Let’s go, Abby and I’m hungry too.” Ngumiti ako kay Jay at sumunod kay Maxl, kumuha siya ng basket. “What noodles?” tanong niya nang hindi ako nililingon.

Something is really off with her.

“I want Samyang buldak stew” mahinang sabi ko, hindi siya kumibo at hinanap ang sinabi ko. Kumuha siya ng dalawa, kumuha rin siya sa ref ng isang container ng kimchi. “You want sushi?” tanong ko.

“Yes, kimbap sushi” Nilingon niya akong muli nang kumuha siya ng kimbap sushi. “Two?”

Ang  tipid niyang magsalita, nakakatakot siya.

“Yes”

Hindi ako nagsalita, nakahawak pa rin naman siya sa akin hanggang sa mapunta na kami sa counter. Kita ko ang tahimik na tingin sa akin ni Jay, hindi ko alam kung anong klaseng tingin niya iyon pero parang nang-aasar pa ang isang ’to.

“Thank you po, Come again” Tumango na lang ako kay Jay at lumabas na. Sinunsan ko si Maxl sa kotse, hindi na niya ako hawak dahil bitbit niya ang mga binili namin.

We were silent, sometimes I looked at her while driving, maybe because she was mad at me.

I don’t even know what’s going through her mind but I know there’s a reason. I will talk to her in my dorm so that we can understand each other better.

I forgot to hold her until we got on the elevator. There was no one there and it was just the two of us.

While waiting to go up to the floor, I saw her hand looking for mine to hold, I smiled a little because she wasn’t looking at me but wanted to hold me.

I gave my hand to her and held it tightly.

“Dito na tayo” sabi ko at binuksan ang pintuan. Tinuro ko ang sofa. “Huwag kang kikilos, ako ang maghahanda.” hinila ko siya pauwi at inagaw sa kanya ang paper bag. Lumapit ako at binigyan ko siya ng mabilis na halik sa labi.

Ginawa ko na amg mga dapat gawin, nagpaginit na muna ako ng tubig para sa noodles naming dalawa. Pinainit ko naman sa microwave ang kimchi at kimbap, mas masarap naman kasi sila kung mainit.

I put the noodles in the hot pot, mixing it thoroughly first. I immediately smelled spiciness, I’m even more hungry. I put the kimchi and sushi on the top, I only put a few at nag-iwan ng iba sa container.

I missed noodles!

I looked at Maxl as if she had been watching me for a while. “Maxl, let’s eat” I said with a smile. She stood up and came to me, I gave herthe chopstick. “Marunong ka?”

“Yes”

“Let’s eat and I am hungry” Mamaya na lang kami mag-uusap sa kung anong problema namin kanina, nagugutom na talaga ako at alam kong ganon din siya.

She ate quietly next to me while I devoured noodles, kimchi and kimbap. Sobrang namiss ko kumain nito, ilang linggo ako hindi nakakain dahil sa finals.

“Abby, calm down” Humigop ako ng noodles at sumubo ng kimchi. “Take it easy” mahinahon na sambit niya sa akin.

Baka magsisi ito sa akin kasi patay gutom ako, nakita na niya ako kung paano ako kumain.

Nilunok ko ang kinakain ko. Parang ang tapanh ko pa dahil nagpupumas ako ng sipon k osa sobrang anghang.

“Maxl, kumain ka, masarap iyan” Sabi ko sa kanya at nagsimula na naman akong kumain. Kita ko namang napangiti siya at kumain na rin sa tabi ko.

“Diba? masarap?” sambit ko nang maubos namin amg kinakain namin, ubos na ang noodles at sumubo ng kimbap. “Nagustuhan mo?”

Nasa akin pa rin ang tingin niya, kanina pa talaga siya nakatingin sa akin. Tinitigan ko rin siya, gusto ko na pag-usapan namin ang kanina.

“Maxl, I am sorry if I made you mad or jealous, Jay is my friend until now. Iiwasan ko si—” Hindi ko pa natatapos ang sasabihin ko nang bigla niya akong halikan sa labi.

Naman eh

Nalalasahan ko tuloy ang anghang sa mga labi namin. Pero siya ay sinabayan iyon ng malambing na halik.

“Maxl?” napakapit ako sa balikat niya dahil hinahapit na namin niya ako papalapit sa kanya. “I am sorry…”

“It’s fine now, I want you to explain and sorry, don’t stay away on your friends.” Umiling ako. “I am not mad at you and to your friends, It’s all fine now”

“Are you sure?” ngumuso ako at I gave her small kisses sa pisngi. “Please tell me everything”

“Yes, Abby, I’ll always tell you everything about me, You too, please?” Nakangiting tumango ako sa kanya at dinikit ang mukha ko sa pisngi niya.

“Opo, sasabihin ko sayo lahat at lalo na kung anong nararamdaman ko” yumakap ako sa kanya. “I am sorry, hindi ka na ba galit?”

Ramdam ko ang pag-iling niya sa akin. “No, I am really not mad, Abby” Mas sumiksik ako sa kanya.

“Sure?” Tanong ko ulit sa kanya. “Don’t be mad and tell me everything, okay?” Ramdam ko na naman ang tango at paghalik niya sa gilid ng pisngi ko.

Nanahimik kami habang magkayakap pa rin kami. Hinawakan ko amg pisngi niya ay lumayo na sa kanya. Kita ko na naman ang pagtitig niya sa akin.

“Hilig mo talaga akong titigan” hinampas ko siya dahil palagi na lang akong nahihiya at pinapamulahan ng pisngi. Ngumiti siya sa akin at muli akong hinalikan sa pisngi.

Siya ang nagligpit ng mga pinagkainan namin, hindi na naman kasi siya nagpatalo kaya wala na naman akong nagawa. Ako naman ay naligo na dahil naiinitan na rin ako at parang ang dumi-dumi ko talaga.

Nakangiti akong naligo at pagkatapos naman ay lumabas na akong maayos. Nakadamit na ako dahil baka makita na naman ako ni Maxl na naka-bathrub.

Nadatnan ko siya na nakaupo nasa sofa, binaba nito ang cellphone niya nang makita niya ako. Ngumiti ito sa akin nang sobrang lawak.

I wipe my hair while approaching her. I was only wearing an oversized t-shirt and shorts so I could see the way she was looking at me. Natawa na naman ako sa isip ko.

Masyado na siyang nababaliw at naaakit sa akin kahit wala naman akong ginagawa.

I took my blower from the cabinet next to the sofa, my hair was too wet.

Maxl held me so I looked at her. “I’ll dry your hair, Abby” she stood up and she sat me down. Ngumiti ako at binigay sa kanya ang blower. Tahimik naming ginawa iyon.

We’re getting too comfortable with each other, we’re getting quiet and for me that’s not boring, sometimes I want silence with someone and now she’s here, I’m with someone now with silence. Mas gusto ko pa iyon ay mas ramdam ko siya.

I hope she won’t get bored when we are both quiet sometimes.

When she was done she put the blower on top of the cabinet, wiped and combed my hair again. Tumingala ako para makita ko siya, masyado na niya akong pinagsisilbihan ngayon.

“Bakit masyado mo akong pinagsisilbihan?” nakalabing tanong ko sa kanya. Napatingin pa ako sa kanya dahil natawa ito ng bahagya. Pati ba naman ang tawa niya ay magandang pakinggan. 

She let go of my hair and sat next to me. I looked at her now by my side. She’s giving me an annoyed look now. Kumunot ang noo ko.

“Why? You don’t like it?”

She gave me playful grins that made me fall back while pouting but I immediately looked back at her.

“No,” sabi ko. “Masyaso kang maalaga at maasikaso pagdating sa akin.”

Tumango siya pero naroon pa rin ang mga ngisi niya. “You don’t like it?” ulit niya.

“I love it but ganyan ka ba talaga?” naninigurado kong tanong sa kanya. Muli siyang natawa, hinapit na naman niya ako papalapit sa kanya, nilagay niya ang kamay niya sa likod ko habang ang isa naman ay nasa harapan ko, nakahawak sa baywang.

Ayan na naman siya.

Binigyan niya ako ng malambing na halik sa noo. Oh my talaga.

Hinampas ko siyang muli. Nakakapanibago kasi siya, hindi naman kasi ganito noon kaya napapatanong na ako at baka ganito siya sa lahat. Kawawa naman ako kapag nagkataon ngayon.

She was just looking at me, still smiling, which made me even more annoyed with her. Marunong naman palang mang-asar ang isang ito.

My ears heard her beautiful laugh again. “Calm down” She caressed my waist so my eyes narrowed even more, ayoko niyan, baka maging malambot ako.

“You’re the reason why I’m like this to you, Abby, only to you” masuyong sambit niya sa akin. “Even me, I surprised myself because it’s true that I’m not that attentive to people but when it comes to you I want to take care of you”

Wala na, nanlambot na agad ako. Tama nga si Jerico, marupok ang bading na kagaya ko.

Hindi pa rin ako nagsasalita dahil hindi ako makapaniwala sa mga sinabi niya. Napansin niya siguro iyon kaya hinawakan ang kamay ko.

“I’m like this only with you and I only want to be like this with you, Abby”

If earlier she was giving silly smiles and looks, now her eyes are softened looking at me. Nararamdaman ko ang malambing niyang haplos sa akin.

“I won’t give you a reason to doubt what I’m doing” she said again. “I just want you to feel everything new about me…” ginawaran na naman niya ng halik ang noo ko. “You’ll never see me this soft on anyone else, Abby”

Silence enveloped me. Because I really have nothing to say and I just received assurance and true words when it comes to people, I hear that from my friends and cousins ​​but Maxl’s words are different from me. I feel like I won’t be looking for another question, she has answered everything and I don’t have to doubt anymore.

Totoong hindi na ako makapagtanong pa, bagong-bago rin sa akin ang mga binitawan niyang salita. Parehas kaming dalawa na bago lang ang nararanasan sa isa’t-isa.

I want us to continue getting to know each other and how we can change our feelings. I know she doesn’t shock me or disadvantage me, she doesn’t say a word that isn’t true, all that I feels and words are pure. Masyadong ako nagiging malambot pagdating sa kanya.

“Let’s not rush everything” was the last thing I heard before I fell asleep in her arms.

I woke up the next morning when I felt the rays of the sun on my face, I was still sleepy but it looked like I had enough sleep to get up. Dahan-dahan akong bumangon, naalala kong nakatulog na ako kagabi sa bisig ni Maxl.

Nilingon ko ang tabi ko, wala na akong tabi kaya napatingin ako sa pintuan dahil bumukas ito, niluwa ay si Maxl, may hawak na tray at pinuna ng pagkain.

“Maxl?” agad akong tumayo para tulungan siya. Akala ko umuwi na siya. “Hindi ka pala umuwi?” patanong ko.

Binaba niya ang tray sa table, may table naman akong maliit katabi ng kama kaya roon na niya nilapag.

“Good morning, Abby” She greeted me with a smile on her lips, she came to me and hugged me very tenderly again. I hugged her back and felt our hug especially her hug.

I never get tired of being locked in her arms, it’s so comfortable and gives me warm.

“Good morning, Maxl” masuyong bati ko at hindi pa rin umaalis sa pagkakayakap sa kanya. Ayoko na umalis, dito na lang ako palagi. “Hindi ka umuwi?” tanong ko.

Hinahagod niya nang masuyo ang aking likod, binigyan ako ng halik sa buhok bago niya ako sinagot.

“No,” So, hindi siya umalis at natulog kaming dalawa kagabi sa kama ko. “You were tired last night so you fell asleep”

Tumango ako sa balikat niya. “Yes, I am sorry nakatulog ako…” pumikit ako at muling dinamdam ang yakap niya.

“No, don’t be sorry. I fell asleep hugging you last night, I am also tired” dahan-dahan siyang lumayo sa akin. Ngumiti ako at hinawakan ang kanyang pisngi.

“How’s your sleep?” I asked her while smilling. She matched the sweet smile I was giving her.

“Fine, how about you?” Hinalikan niya akong muli sa noo at hinawakan ang kamay ko. “Let’s eat”

“Ayos lang naman sleep ko,” lumapit kami sa table, pinaghila niya pa ako ng upuan bago siya umupo sa tabi ko. “Sa susunod ako naman ang magluluto ng almusal natin”

Nakangiting binalingan niya. “Really? Okay,  I’ll wait for you cook” Nag-uusap kami habang kumakain. Minsan ay nagbibiro pa ako sa kany ng kung ano-ano pero tinatawanan lang niya ako.

Alam ko namang nakakapikon ako pero huwag siyang mapipikon sa akin dahil mas lalo ko siyang aasarin. Ganon talaga ako, mana kasi ako sa pinsan ko. Magpinsan nga kami.

“Delicious?” tanong niya sa akin habang kumakian ako. Dahil may laman pa ang bibig ko ay tinanguan ko na lang siya. Cornsilog naman kasi ang niluto niya, masarap siya magluto ng corn beef, ako kasi ay hindi ko alam kung anong tamang timpla ang dapat.  “Okay”

Nakangiti niya akong tinitiignan. Natatawa nga ako sa kanya, kaunti na lang ay pagtatawanan ko na lang siya kakatingin sa akin.

“What’s funny?” she asked me. Malapit na siyang matapos kumain kaya napapabaling na siya.

“Tingin ka nang tingin sa akin, huwag kang ganyan” sumubo ako. “Baka matunaw ako”

“No,” sambit niya. “You will not melt in my eyes” she said. “Don’t you want me to look at you?” she said again, making me frown. Anong ayaw ko? ang sabi ko baka matunaw siya at mukha na siyang adik sa akin.

“Mukha ka na kasing adik sa akin, beh” biro kong sabi sa kaniya. Kita kong nagulat ito pero agad na nakabawi.

“Beh?” I laughed even more at her question, obviously she didn’t know my humor and what I called her. “What’s beh?”

“Beh, tawagan ng mga magtotropa yan, hindi mo pala yun alam” sabi ko sa kaniya. Siya naman ay tumatango lang na halatang naguguluhan pa rin. “At tawag kapag nagbibiruan lang, biniro kita kaya ayun tinawag ko sayo”

“Really?” tanong niya ulit. “I didn’t know you were funny too, I thought you were only like that with your friends” Naku, compliment yata ang masabihan na ang funny ko.

Ako na naman ang maligaya sa umagang ito.

“Wow, funny talaga ako, salamat sa compliment mo, beh” Kita ko na lang na napailing siya sa akin pero may ngiti sa kanyang labi.

I finished my food before I asked her again, I wanted to know something from her no matter how or if I knew just a little it would be fine.

“Maxl, can I ask you?” tumango siya sa akin. “I want to know you more”

“Sure” umayos siya at muling nilingon ako. Tapos naman na kami parehas. “What is it?”

“Where’s your Mom or your Dad?” tanong ko.

I saw the change in her look so I felt nervous, I can’t explain what look she showed me. It immediately recovered and smiled slightly at me.

“Mom and Dad are in another country, they are busy with work” she said softly. “Mom is visiting here but I don’t know if she will be able to come home this Christmas or if I’ll just go to London” I nodded. “Grandpa, we can’t spend Christmas with us since he is with his siblings here in the Philippines. I said if it was possible, they could just come with me but they didn’t want to.” Nakikinig lang ako sa kanya.

Tahimik lang ako. Gusto ko rin naman magkwento sa kanya. Marami ako pwedeng ikwento. Puro kalokohan.

Natawa ako sa isip ko.

“And I work every vacation at our company in Manila but now I work from home, I take care sometimes when I’m not busy at school” I nodded again. I remembered hearing that the Modeling Agency was hiring her as a Photographer but sh was not accepted . “That’s the only thing that bothers me sometimes.”

“You don’t have your own company or business yet?” I asked her suddenly. It looks like she has the ability to have her own business.

“No, I can’t take care of it because I want to be able to share my time with Mom in her company. I also want to share my time with studying.” tumango-tango pa ako.

Mayaman pala ang isang ito, mas mayaman pa sa akin at sa pamilya ko.

“May narinig ako dati na hindi mo tinanggap nag modelling agency?” Nakatingin pa rin siya sa akin. “Totoo ba?”

“It’s true that I didn’t accept it because I thought that I needed to study every angle about the course I took and my passion. I know it’s a shame but I feel that I haven’t learned enough and I know that’s why I rejected it and I studied more” tumango ako. Naiintindihan ko naman siya. Naiintidihan ko lahat ng paliwanag niya sa akin.

“Maybe in the next few years I won’t say no more”

Ngumiti ako ng malawak. “Tama!” tinapik ko siya sa balikat na parang barkada ko. “Huwag mo nantatanggalihan, okay?”

“Yes, Abby”

Ako naman ang nagkwento sa kanya tungkol sa buhay ko. Alam naman niyang business din ako dahil iyon nag kinuha at balak kong gawing trabaho.

“I really like that so it’s better to study, it’s going to be given to me.” I saw her nod. “I’ll ask Daddy if they know your family, you look like you’re richer than me”

Umiling siya sa akin. “When all this is over, when I finish school I will do more to get to know myself better.” hindi ko alam pero parang may ibig sabihin lahat ng sinasabi niya.

“I know I can do it even if I’m alone and that someone not with me”

Chapter 7

Hindi pa rin maalis sa akin kung ano ang huling sinabi ni Maxl pagkatapos ng usapan namin sa dorm ko. Parang may mali talaga at nirerespeto ko naman kung wala pa siyang masyadong sasabihin.

Alam kong lahat ng sinabi niya sa akin ay kulang pa at parang nag-aalangan pa siya. Ayos lang naman iyon pero hindi ko maiwasang kabahan, paano kung may nangyayari na pala sa kanya tapos hindi ko alam?

I sighed. Nilingon ko si Maxl na ngayon ay nakapasok na ng studio, nilingon ko naman ang room ko at pumasok na.

“Ano? Kanina pa malalim ang iniisip mo sa labas, naihip ka ba ng hangin?” sinimangutan ko si Elijah kasama niya sina Jerico at Andy.

“May chismis talagang nag-date kayo ni Maxl kagabi?” si Andy naman ang nakichismis. “Nakakailan ka na, Abby, naiinggit na ako sayo” lumapit ako sa table nila na tahimik pa rin kaya natahimik din sila pero muli akong pinuna.

“Hoy, Abby, kinakabahan ako sa pagiging tahimik mo” si Jerico na hinawakan na ako sa buhok. “Ayaw mo na ba pumasok? Hayaan mo at bukas wala na tayong pasok”

Umupo ako at nilingon sila. “Wala akong problema, inaantok ako” iyon na lang ako sinabi ko. Ayoko muna magsabi sa kanila at gusto ko intindihin ko muna si Maxl. Kailangan kahit anong mangyari hindi ko sasabihin kung ano ang importanteng sinasabi niya sa akin sa ibang tao dahil pinagkatiwala niya iyon sa akin.

“Hoy si Maxl!” agad na lumingon ako nanh sumigaw si Andy. Nakita ko si Maxl na kasama si Aki kaya ako naman ang napatingin kay Andy na ngayon ay tahimik at nakanganga na siya ngayon. Break time kasi kaya siguro ay magkasama rin sila.

“Hi” sumandal ako agad sa balikat ni Maxl, humawak siya sa baywang ko at naramdaman ko ang paghalik niya sa noo ko. “How are you? How’s your class?”

“I am fine, ayos lang din  ang class ko” Sumabay na ako sa apglakad, tahimik si Andy dahil kasama ni Jerico at Elijah si Aki nakikita ko pa nga ang minsan na pag-aagaw niyang tingin dito kaya natatawa ako lalo.

“Kumusta ka, Maxl?” tanong ko habang magkahawak kami ng kamay at naglalakad. “Bakasyon na sa monday, saan ang balak mo?” tanong ko ulit.

“Ayos lang naman ako, Abby, wala kami masyadong ginagawa kanina. Tungkol naman sa bakasyon ay hindi ko pa alam kung susunod ako sa London” tumango-tango ako habang nakikinig sa kanya. Hindi na naman niya kasi inaalis ang tingin sa akin.

She’s looking at me while smilling.

Ngumiti ako pabalik sa kanya. “Ako naman ay hindi ko rin alam baka sa Tagaytay kami, sa Mansyon ni Tita” nginitian niya ako.

“I want to celebrate christmas with you, Maxl”

“Maybe next christmas, Abby” mas hinigpitan niya ang hawak sa akin. “Enjoy your holiday break your family. I am fine” ngumiti ako sa kanya pabalik. Gusto ko siyang makasama at tama rin siya kailangan ko mag-enjoy kasama ang pamilya ko sa holiday break. May time pa naman para magsama kami ni Maxl, siguro ay pagkatapos na lamang ng pasko at bagong taon.

“Tara na nga at kumain, mamaya na kayo maglandian!” si Jerico at umupo sa tapat ni Maxl, si Andy ay sa tapat ko naman at si Elijah ay nasa gilid naming dalawa ni Any. “Mga tao talaga!”

“Ang bitter mo!” si Elijah na tinatawanan siya. “Maghanap ka na ng bagong crush para hindi ka naman nagiging bitter” dagdag pa nito.

Natatawang umiling ako at nagsimula na kumain. Katabi ko lang si Maxl kaya nakikita ko ang maya’t-mayang pagsulyap niya sa akin, sa tingin ko ay mas marami pa siyang nasulyap sa akin kaysa sa mga nakain niya.

“Maxl, hindi ako mawawala, kumain ka nang maayos” nginitian niya lang ako bago muling nagpatuloy sa pagkain. Tahimik lang siya habang kami ng mga kaibigan ko ay nagdadaldalan lang.

“Si Aki!” si Elijah kaya sabay kaming napatingin kung saan ang tinuro niya. Naroon nga si Aki naglalakad papalapit sa amin habang nakangiti. “Hello, Aki!”

“Hi, Elijah, Hello” bati niya rin sa amin. “Nandito ka rin pala, Maxl” dagdag nito. Nag-fist bump sila ni Maxl. “Pwede ba akong makiupo?” hindi kami agad nakasagot dahil sa tabi na lang ni Andy yung bakante, kumuha kasi ng upuan si Jerico huli ko ay sinadya niya talaga iyon.

Nagtagal ang tingin nito kay Andy. “Andy?” tawag niya rito. “Pwede bang maupo ako sa tabi mo?” gusto kong matawa sa itsura ni Andy, mukha kasi siyang nababaliw sa upuan niya.

“S-Sige”

Umupo si Aki sa tabi niya. Nakita ko ang pagtatagal ng tingin ni Maxl sa kanilang dalawa, si Andy ay nanatili pa ring tahimik at pilit na inuubos ang pagkain niya.

“Aki, saan ang balak mo sa bakasyon?” si Jerico. “Hula ko, nasa bahay ka lang, kakainin mo yung plates mo” Tumawa silang dalawa ni Elijah pati na rin ako ay natawa dahil sa kalokohan nila. “Joke lang po”

Nakangiting umiling si Aki. “Tapos na ako sa plates ko, mabuti nga ay natapos na dahil gusto ko ma-enjoy ang bakasyon ko”

“Really?” si Maxl. “How about your business trip?” dagdag pa nito. Hinintay namin ang isasagot ni Aki.

Nag-isip pa ito. Mukhang nagdadalawang isip siya. “I am not sure, I am really tired this finals” ngumiti ito. “How about you and Abby?”

Agad akong pinamulahan. Alam na niya rin ang tungkol sa amin. Hindi ko maiwasang napaiwas ng tingin. Hinawakan ko ang kamay ni Maxl mula sa ilalim ng mesa at ganon din ang ginawa niya sa akin.

“I am going to London and Abby will celebrate her holidays with her family” malumanay na sambit ni Maxl. “We’re going to celebrate after new year”

Tumango ako. “Para ma-enjoy na niya rin ang bakasyon niya with her family” dagdag ko naman. “Kayo ba?” tanong ko kay Elijah, Jerico, at Andy na hanggang ngayon ay tahimik.

“Me, I don’t know if we’re leaving too” Andy said as if she was avoiding looking at each other with Aki, Aki was just looking at her as she spoke. “But I just want to vacation in Palawan”

I saw how Aki moved. “Palawan? I also plan to go on vacation there, can we both go on vacation? Is that all right?” we all fell silent. Waiting for Andy to answer dahil kita ring nagulat siya sa tanong ni Aki sa kanya.

Umawang ang bibig nito. Si Jerico at Elijah ay pinipigilan ang mga sariling pagtawanan si Andy. Kalokohan talaga nila.

“W-Why?” tanong ni Andy. “A-Ayos lang yun sayo?”

Tumango si Aki. “Yes, ayos na ayos sa akin. Kung may isasama ka pa ay ayos lang sa akin.”

“O-Okay” iyon na lang ang nasabi ni Andy sa kanya. Pulang-pula at hiyang-hiya pa rin ito.

Nagpatuloy ang usapan namin tungkol sa balasyon. Nangunguna na naman sila Jerico at Elijah sa katatawa at kakawkento kung anong mangyayari sa kanila sa bakasyon. Tama na iyon dahil parang malapit na akong magsawa sa mga mukha at kalokohan nilang dalawa.

Ilang linggo rin ang paghihiwalay naming magkakaibigan, aabangan ko kung anong mangyayari sa kanila sa ilang linggo na iyon.

“Abby” nilingon ko si Maxl na nakadikit na pala sa akin sa likod. Hindi ko siya napansin dahil abala ako sa pag-aayos sa aking gamit. “Let’s have dinner?” Malambing na hinawakan niya ang baywang ko. “I miss you”

Matamis akong ngumiti. Tatlong oras lang kaming hindi nagkita at nagkausap ay namimiss na niya agad ako. “I miss you too, bilis mo namang mamiss ako” nagbibiro kong sabi. Hindi pa rin ako tapos sa mga paper na inaayos ko. “Dinner tayo, saan ba?”

She didn’t answer but I felt her arms wrap around my waist. I tilted my head so that I could look at her from behind, just as I tilted my head, her nose and lips hit my cheek.

I laughed softly. I didn’t know that she was this close to me. She’s so soft.

“Maxl” malambing natawag ko at hinawalan ang kamay niya sa baywang ko. “Inaayos ko lang itong mga papers ko, kababalik lang ng mga prof nito, itatabi ko baka sakaling kailangan pa at magamit ko.” Ramdam ko ang pagtango niya sa aking balikat. “So, please wait lang po muna ah”

“Okay, baby” malamyos niyang sabi na nagbigay sa akin ng malaling ngiti. Masyado na siyang malambing, gusto ko na siyang tirisin.

“Where do you want to eat, baby?” she asked me again. I put the papers in my bag. “Do you want some noodles again?” Tuluyan ko na siyang hinarap, pinulupot ko rin ang mga braso sa kanyang leeg. “You done?”

Tumango ako. “Yes, so let’s talk na”

“Noodles, baby?” binigyan niya ako ng masuyong halik sa ilong. “And sushi kimbap?”

“Iba naman, ikaw naman ang mamili kung saan tayo kakain at kung anong gusto mong kainin” mas humigpit ang yakap niya sa akin, hinahaplos ang baywang ko.

“I want chao fan?” naniniguradong tanong niya. “Right, chao fan from chowking”  Tumango ako at hinawakan ang pisngi niya.

“Sure, let’s eat chao fan” hinalikan ko nang malambing ang pisngi niya at hinawakan ang kamay. “Tara na?” masuyo siyang tumango at binigyan ako ng halik sa noo.

“Let’s go, baby” lumabas kaming dalawa ng room at habang nagkukwentuhan ng kung ano-ano.

Mabubuo pa rin talaga ang araw naming dalawa sa quality time namin, masaya kaming magkasama at halos hindi na bubuo ang araw na hindi namin nagagawang magsama.

“Baby, food” tumingala ako sa kanya. Nakaupo ako sa garter ng kalsada. Kinuha ko ang mga binili niya at siya naman ang sumunod na umupo sa aking tabi. “Let’s eat, baby” Ngumiti ako.

Nagsimula na akong kumain. Hindi pa kami masyadong nag-uusap dahil kumakain kaming dalawa. Minsan ay nahuhuli ko siyang nakatitig at nililingon niya ako.

She doesn’t really take that away from me sometimes, sometimes she doesn’t really take it away. That’s what I really notice about her, there is no time when she doesn’t do that. Walang palya, oras-oras pa.

She put down the box that was already used up, she ate fast while I was only half down.

“Are you done? You’re so fast” She nodded at me, she slowly smiled at me. “Are you full of that?” I added.

“Yes, don’t worry, just eat” she said while still looking at me. Tumango rin ako sa kanya, nagsimula na rin akong kumain ulit.

Patapos na akong kumain, nagsasalita na rin ako sa kanya dahil nakikita ko ang paghawak niya sa aking siko.

“Maxl, aalis ka na ba?” tanong ko at nilingon ko siya. Bahagyang kumunot ang noo niya ngunit umalis din iyon agad.

“London?” tanong niya sa akin. “I don’t know if I’m leaving yet, why? Are you leaving too?” she asked me more.

I snorted slightly. “Yes, I’m leaving too, why aren’t you sure?”

“I’m lazy, I don’t even know, can I be just on your vacation?” I was slightly stunned by what she said. Gusto niya sa akin sumama sa bakasyon? Totoo?

Napansin niya ang pagkatigil at pagkagulat ko sa kanyang sinabi.

“You don’t want to? I’m so–” kaagad ko siyang pinigilan. Syempre gusto ko rin siyang makasama at mapakilala sa aking mga pamilya at lalo na sa aking mga magulang.

“It’s okay, is it okay with you if I introduce you to my family?” I saw how her eyes came alive, I don’t know but it seems like she just experienced so much joy even though I only saw it in her eyes.

“Really? Is that fine?” dagdag niya sa akin. Bumaba ang kanyang kamay sa aking kamay at hinawakan iyon. Naroon pa rin ang masaya niyang mukha. “It’s fine, Abby,”

“Sure?” nakangiting sambit ko sa kanya. “Ipakilala kita, nililigawan mo ko” I’m still happy looking at her because I can see her happy look, it’s like she’s telling me that I’m the only one who gave him that.

“Yes, Maxl” inabit ko ang kanyang pisngi at hinaplos niya iyon. Masasayang tingin at ngiti ang aming mga binibigay na namin sa isa’t-isa.

She grabbed my hand that was holding her cheek. Bahagyang pumikit at dinamdam iyon. Ito talaga yung side niyang hinding hindi ako magsasawang makita at maramdaman.

Lumapit ako sa kanya at malambing siyang hinalikan sa pisngi. Nakakagigil talaga siya at hindi ako magsasawang panggigilan siya.

“Abby, I will introduce you to my mother at the right time, not now, I hope you understand” Malumanay na sambit niya sa akin. Tanging kanyang Ina lang ang binanggit at hindi kasama ang kanyang ina. 

Gusto ko sanang itanong kung nasaan ang kanyang ama ngunit may pumipigil sa akin. Parang pakiramdam ko ay hindi siya magiging interesado kung iyon ang aking sasambitin sa kanya.

“Okay, Maxl, I understand, Don’t worry, hmm?” inabot niya ako at mahigpit na niyakap ako.

Matagal na halik ang ginawad niya sa akin buhok. Pumikit ako at muling dinama iyon.

“Seryoso? Pupunta rito ang manliligaw mo na dati crush mo lang?” sigaw ni Joshua sa mukha ko. Napaiwas ako dahil may tumalsik pang laway sa mukha ko.

Pinagkakaguluhan na ako ng mga pinsan ko. Si Agustina at nakisali na rin na kanina ay tahimik.

“Ngayon na? Sa atin siya magcecelebrate ng pasko?” tanong nito. “Edi maayos para makilala rin namin ang crush mong nililigawan ka na pala.”

“Anong ginawa mo? Inakit mo ba?” Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa sinabi sa akin ni Maya. Umawang ang bibig ko bago ako nag-react, alam kong namumula na ako kaya mas lalo nila akong tinukso.

“Baliw kayo, hindi!” hiyaw ko. “Hindi ko siya inakit” hindi naman akit yung pumayag akong maging model niya diba? Hindi ko rin naman siya inakit nong nasa bathtub kami.

Mukhang hindi sila naniwala. “Totoo nga, hindi ko siya inakit, umamin ako” sambit ko. Mukhang matatalo pa ako pero hindi ko naman talaga iton ginawa at never kong gagawin iyon. Si Maxl lang naman naaakit sa akin kahit wala akong ginagawa eh.

“Siguraduhin mo lang” si Cristal na halatang natatawa. “Saka mo na siya akitin kapag girlf–”

“Cristal!” pigil ko sa kanya. Namumula na ako at hindi ko alam kung paano maiiwasan ang ganoong mga sinasabi nila.

“Si Maxl na nga ang kakausapin namin mamaya” si Cris na sinang-ayunan ni Joshua kaya lalo akong sumimangot. Hindi pwede! Masyado silang madaldal at tahimik naman si Malx baka mabigla pa ito.

“Hoy gago, huwag!” Hinila ko ang kwelyo nilang dalawa. “Wala naman kasi eh, umamin lang talaga ako sa kanya” Tumawa sa akin si Agustina kaya napanguso ako.

“Pwede nyo siyang tanungin at iyon din ang isasagot niya.”

“Na ano? na inakit mo nga siya?” malakas na tawa ni Joshua na siyang kinainis ko talaga.

“Hindi!”

Inaawat na kami nila Mommy dahil sa mga pagtatalo namin. Naroon na rin sila Tito Agustine  at Tita Davina. Kauuwi lang ng mga magulang ni Agustina mula sa business trip.

Nilapitan naman ako ni Daddy. “Aba dalaga na ang anak ko, may manliligaw na” umakbay iti sa akin habang si Mom naman ay hinawakan ako sa kamay. “Ipakilala mo nga sa amin ang crush mo” tukso pa niya.

“Dad naman” hiyang turan ko dahil ito talaga ang unang pagkakataon na may ipakikilala ako sa kanila at kahit babae pa iyon ay walang problema sa kabila. “Pupunta na  po siya rito”

“Siguro artishin ang batang iyon, pangalan pa lang eh” si Mom naman ang sumingit. “Naku, anak, dapat siya na ang maging asawa mo, ano pa at pinakilala mo sa akin kung hindi kayo ang magkakatuluyan.”

Ngumuso ako dahil tama naman si Mom, sa akin ganon din naman ang gusto ko at gawain ko talaga, once na may pinakilala ako ay dapat iyon na ang makakasama ko habambuhay, siya na ang totoong para sa akin at para pa rin sa akin talaga.

Nagsisimula palang naman kami ni Maxl kaya kailamgan na hindi rin kami masyadong magmadali at hindi naman talaga kailanga. Dahil kagaya ng sinabi niya ay huwag naming madiliin at hindi ko rin naman nararamdaman na nagmamadali siya sa kung anong meron kami.

Ayoko rin talagamg magmadali dahil mas gusto ko rin siya makilala pa nang lubusan at buong buo. Handang handa na akong ibigay at makilala niya ang totoong ako dahil iyon naman talaga ang nararapat sa isang realsyon at bagong relasyon na nagsisimula pa lamang.

“Narito na pala ang manliligaw ng anak ko.”

Nawala ang malalin na pag-iisip ko nang matanaw ko si Maxl na naglalakad papalapit upang salubungin si Dad. Nakangiti ito sa aking ama na para bang malambot na agad ang kanyang pakiramdam dito. Saglit niya akong tignan at nagbigay ng masuyong ngiti.

“I hope you will let me court your daughter, Mr. Del Mundo and Mrs. Del Mundo and I’m happy to see and meet you, I’m Maxlene Angel Ramirez, Bachelor of Arts in Photography.”

Chapter 8

Naging malawak at mainit ang pagtanggap ng pamilya ko sa kanya. Halos iwanan na nila akong lahat sa gitna malapitan lamang si Maxl at makausap ito.

Natatawa na lang ako sa isang tabi dahil nakikisali sila Joshua sa mga tanong ni Dad kay Maxl, hindi tuloy alam ni Maxl kung paano niya sabay na sasagutin ang mga pinsan ko. Pero kita ko namang hindi siya naiinis doon, pansin ko pa ngang masaya siya at minsan naman ay hindi mapigilang matawa.

Nagtatama ang panignin naming dalawa na siyang napupunta sa malalambing na tingin at ngiti. Hindi niya ako nakakimutang lingunin at bigyan ng matatamis na ngiti.

Lumapit ako sa kanila. Inakbayan ako ni Agustina.

“Pasado na agad siya, Abby” natatawa nitong sambit. “Gaan na agad ng pakiramdam namin sa kanya.” Ngumiti ako.

“Mabuti naman, Agu, kung gaano kagaan ang pakiramdam nyo sa kanya ay ganon din ako.” Yumakap ako sa kanya. Gustong gusto ko na nagkakausap kami dahil hindi pa rin naman ako pabaya sa kanya, gusto ko pa rin siyang kumustahin.

“Agu, kumusta ka na?” tanong ko sa kanya. Nilingon niya ako at ngumiti, ginawaran ako ng maliit na halik sa noo.

“Maayos na ako, Abby, unti-unti mas tuluyan na akong magiging maayos, huwag ka na masyadong mag-alala at alam na rin iyon ng mga pinsan natin.” Mahabang paliwanag niya sa akin. Ngumiti ako sa kanya. Gusto ko na siyang maging maayos talaga dahil sa mga nangyari sa kanya sa buhay niya kay Travis.

Naging mahaba ang usapan nila kay Maxl, hindi ko siya halos makausap sa umagang dumating siya hanggang sa magtanghali. Nasa pool na sila ngunit wala pa rin sa akin si Maxl.

Napapailing na lang ako dahil binibigyan nila Daddy si Maxl ng beer, hindi ko alam kung anong klaseng beer pero alam ko namang aware si Daddy at si Maxl doon.

“Ang bait ng manliligaw mo, halatang mayaman” si Tita Marina na siyang may ari ng tinutuluyan namin ngayon. “Anak mayaman nga,”

“Tita naman” umakbay ako sa kanya habang nakatingin kay Maxl na nakikipagusap at iniinom ang beer na inabot sa kanya. “Ganyan talaga siya, humble nga eh”

“Oo, halata, noong sinabi ni Cris na mayaman siya ang sabi niya hindi naman”

Sabay kaming tumawa dahil nakakatawa talaga, hindi talaga nawawala iyon kay Maxl parang hindi niya pa tanggap na mayaman siya at ayaw niyang sinasabihan siya nito.

Nagpaalam ako kay Tita. I’m going to get dressed, I’m going to go swimming because I’m getting too hot. Para na akong naiihaw ngayon.

I didn’t even get dressed in the bathroom because I have my own room, I’m also in a hurry because I’m going to meet Maxl.

Kaso pambaba palang ang aking nasusuot at hindi ko pa nasusuot ang bra ko nang bumukas ang pinto at binungad non ay si Maxl.

Parehas kaming gulat na gulat. Nang marealize niyang ang kalagayan ko ay kaagad siyang pumasok at mabilis na sinarado ang pinto.

I swallowed and turned around. I was still looking at her because she was still looking down.

“S-Sorry, I knocked maybe you didn’t hear so I went in” malumanay na sambit niya. Naririnig ko ang mabibigat na buntong hininga niya.

“Uhm…do you want me to help you?” I felt its footsteps, coming closer to me. Sinilip ko pa rinsiya. Naglalakad na nga siya papalapit. Hindi inaalis ang tingin sa akin.

“Maxl…” tawag ko sa kanya. Ang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko. Hindi ko alam pero parang wala naman akong kaba na nararamdaman, siguro dahil malapit siya kaya malakas ang kabog ng dibdib ko.

“Hmm? Sorry, Abby” hindi ko siya sinagot. Even though I haven’t put on my bra yet, I came closer to her, I hugged her.

I missed her even though she was only here with me. Dahil na rin siguro hindi ko siya nakausap mula kaninang umaga at ngayon na lang ulit.

She didn’t speak, I felt her gentle hug on me and her only arm giving me comfort and warm.

“I miss you, Abby”

“I miss you”

Sabay namingg sambit. Napangiti ako habang nakasiksik ako sa kanya at dinadama ang kanyang bisig.

She caresses my arm and back. I can still feel her long kiss on my hair.

“Sorry, I’m here again and you’re with me.” she calmly said to me, she gave me a kiss again. “Are you going to take a bath? Come with me, Abby, I’ll be with you”

I still didn’t speak. I just nodded because I was still busy feeling her. I really miss her.

Mas sumiksik ako sa leeg niya. Alam kong napapansin na niya iyom pero mas ramdam kong pinapakiramdam niya ako.

“I really miss you.” I’m caressing her neck. Tumango siya sa akin. “Dito ka muna”

Alam kong pagtatawanan ako ng mga pinsan kapag nakita nila ang ganitong side ko. Kahit pa ako ay naninibago at nabago talaga ako.

Napanguso talaga ako. Natatawa ako sa isip ko.

“I’m here, Abby, I won’t be gone” Nilayo ko ang aking mukha at nagtitigan kaming dalawa. Maliit at matamis akong ngumiti sa kanya bago siya hinalikan sa ilong. “Are you okay, Abby?”

Tumango ako nang masuyo. Ang kalmado niya talaga at wala na akong ibang masasabi pa. Parang kabisadong kabisado niya ang kung anong meron sa aming dalawa.

Muli niya akong hinalikan sa noo.

“Get dressed, Abby” bumaba ang mga kamay niya sa aking baywang. Nakasiksik pa rin ako sa kanya kaya hindi nahuhulog ang aking pang itaas.

Ngumuso ako. Parang gusto ko tuloy siyang asarin.

“Tulungan mo ako” nakangiting sambit ko. Umiling naman siya at hinawakan ang strap ng bra ko. “Pero, ayos lang ba ang suot ko?”

Nagtagal ang tingin niya sa akin, ang lalim noon pero ramdam ko pa rin ang sabik sa akin.

It took her a while before she spoke, I moved my eyes to her.

“You’re sexy… and hot” she said deeply. Napabasa ako sa aking labi. My throat suddenly felt dry, especially my lips. Her effect on me was really strong.

I just realized that she held my hand and we were slowly getting closer to my bed. She sat and while I sat on her lap. I still didn’t take my eyes off of her. Yumakap siya sa akin at humiga dahilan para ako na ang nakapatong sa kanya.

“Maxl” mahinang tawag ko sa kanya. Tinungkod ang aking mga kamay sa gilid niya upang bahagyang makabangon sa ibabaw niya.

She’s really beautiful, I still can’t explain how beautiful she is, I’m literally drooling when I see and look at her especially when she’s under me.

“Abby” She didn’t let me finish and pulled my face closer to her and our lips met.

Ngayon ko lang ulit siya naramdaman ng ganito ulit. Mas malapit at mas mapusok kaysa noon.

She tightened her arms around my waist and was stroking my back because I was wearing no bra. Gumagalaw na ang aming mga labi, sumasabay ako dahil hindi ko alan dahil pakiramdam ko sabik na sabik ako sa kanya.

Nakakatakot palang maging sabik, hahanap-hanapin ko na nga at siya. Para akong takot at hindi na makakawala pa kapag binitawan niya

Umakyat ang palad niya sa aking leeg, hihanaplos at parang may hinahawakan na suporta mula roon. Mas lalong lumalalim ang halikan naming dalawa. Tuluyan na akong kumapit at nagpatangay sa kanya.

We both feel so hot, she doesn’t let go of me and neither does she. She hugged my waist tighter.

I was slightly stopped because she slowly got me up. I grabbed her shoulder because she was on top of mine. We both stared at each other, her beauty still unfading in any position.

I swallowed hard when she came to my neck and sank down there. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang mainit na paghinga niya roon.

I closed my eyes and hugged her tightly. She also hugged me tightly, she pressed closer to me so that my smiles widely.

“You smell good” she whispered sweetly to me. Hinahaplos ko lang ang kanyang buhok. “I missed you”

Kagat ko ang aking labi dahil hindi ko maiwasan ang pagpapalaki ng aking ngiti.

“I missed you so much” malambing na sambit ko.

Ilang minuto kaming nasa ganoong posisyon, patuloy na dinadamdam ang isat-isa. Kasi sobra kaming nakaramdam ng pagkamiss namin.

“Let’s–” hingipitan ko ang yakap sa kanya.

“Noooo” angal ko at sumiksik sa kanyang tenga. Ayoko pa, namiss ko talaga siya. Gusto ko muna ay ganito kaming dalawa. “Huwag muna pleaseeee”

Narinig ko ang mahihinang tawa niya. Mas lalo niya akong kinulong sa kanyang busog at nagyakap kaming dalawa lalo.

“I really missed…” ginawaran niya ako ng halik sa balikat. “Let’s swim, Abby”

“Ano muna susuotin mo?” sambit ko bigla. Bahagya akong bumangon para makita ko siya. Nakatingin na naman kaming dalawa sa isa’t-isa at natutunaw na naman.

“Hmm…sport bra and cycling?” sambit niya at hindi pa talaga siya sigurado. “Is that okay?” Malawak akong ngumiti, bakit naman hindi? ako nga sa suot ko ay hindi niya pinapansin at sugurado akong gustong gusto niya pang suot ko.

Dahan-dahan akong bumangon, halos wala na yata akong pakielam kung wala akong bra sa harap niya. Hinawakan ko ang binti niya at doon umupo. Binibigyan ko pa siya ng nakakaasar na tingin dahil hubad na talaga ako.

Kita ko ang pamumula nito, mas halata nga lang ang kanyang tenga. Bumangon na rin siya at sinalubong ako ng halik sa pisngi.

“You’re so pretty, Abby” Hinayos niya ang aking hiblang buhok. “Let me kiss you one more time” She kissed me longer while caressing my cheek. Gumanti ako ng halik at bakit naman hindi.

“Tara na, baka hinahanap na tayo” Tumango siya. Umalis na kami ng kama, nilingon ko siya dahil siya ang nag-ayos at nagsuot sa akin ng bra.

“Ay ang sweet naman ng manliligaw na yan” binigay niya ako ng isang halik sa balita. “Ikaw, magpalit ka na”

“Okay”

Halos lumaki ang mga mata at bibig ko dahil naghubad siya ng t-shirt niya. Naka-sport bra na pala siya at sinunod naman niyang hinubad ay ang kanyang pantalon, may cycling na nga.

Lumapit ako agad sa kanha at niyakap siya. Nasa kanya na talaga ang lahat pati na rin ang pagkakaroon ng magandang katawan, ang sexy nga eh. Pinisil ko pa ang baywang niya.

“Abby” sambit nito habang tumatawa dahil sa ginagawa ko. Siya naman ang lumapit sa akin at niyakap ako nang sobrang higpit. Ang lambing at palagi kong hinahanap-hanap. Ginawaran niya ako ng halik sa noo. “I am happy, Abby, thank you for always making me happy…” idikit niya naman ang pisngi niya sa akin noo.

Pumikit ako at muling dinamdam ang yakap naming dalawa. Hindi talaga ako magsasawang maramdaman ang yakap at yakap niya sa akin. Masarap at maaliwalas sa pakiramdam, sobrang safe ako at kalmado.

“Tara?” lumabas na kami sa kwarto at bumaba na sa pool. Naroon na silang lahat at kami na lang tapaga ang hinihintay.

“Ano? Bakit ang tagal nyo? Nagkasta—” binatukan ni Cris si Joshua. “Aray naman!”

“Ano na naman yan?! Bagong salita? tigilan mo na nga ang kaka-tiktok” sigaw nito sa kanya at nilingon na kami ni Maxl. “Maxl, uy, tara! may san miguel beer dito”

Tumingin sa akin ni Maxl na para bang humihingi ng perwisyo sa akin kung pwede ba ang inaalok sa akin sa kanya ni Cris. Tumango ako at sumama na rin sa paglapit sa kanila. Naroon sila Tita Cristina at Tito Carlo pati na rin sina Tito Agustine.

“Oh, Maxl” muling nagmano si Maxl kila Tita at sa mga magulang ko. Hinayaan ko siya at umupo ako sa tabi ni Mommy na abala pa rin kay Maxl.

Ang mga pinsan ko ay nasa pool at kahit nasa pool ay nakukuha pa nila akong guluhin.

“Ano ba yung sinasabi mo kanina, Joshua?” tanong ko naman pero humagalpak lang ito ng tawa kaya napapailing na silang Agustina sa kanya.

“Ewan sa tarantadong yan, nakuha ns naman sa titkok” si Maya. “Tigas tapaga ng mukha niyan”

Sila na muna ang kinakausap ko dahilnaririnig ko na kinakausap ng mga magulang at mga Tito at Tita ko si Maxl sa tabi ko. Hawak ko naman ang kamay niya kaya ayos lang.

“Siraulo!” tumawa ako sa kanila. “Ikaw, Joshua, bastos ba yun?”

“Oo!” si Cristal naman ang sumigaw. “Bastos yun, diba, Valerie?” tumango naman si Valerie bilang sang-ayon.

“Eh bastos yun?”

“Oo nga, Abby” si Agustina. “Huwag mo yan pansinin, baliw na kasi yan”

“Teka, hija, ano ba ang pangalan ng Papa at Mama mo? hindi ba’t sabi mo kanina ay business din kayo? may negosyo at lalo na sa ibang bansa?” doon na naagaw ng mga pinsan ko ang atensyom namin, si Daddy ang nagtanong non kay Maxl.

Kita ko namang napatigil si Maxl, nanlamig kasi nang bahagya ang kamay niya na hawak ko kaya hindi ko maiwasang mag-alala at mapatingin sa kanya. Para bang naging balisa siya.

“Maxwell po,” maiklingg sambit niya. “You know my Father?”

“Of course, hija, halos pantay ang prosisyon at yaman namin noong Papa mo eh, naging kaibigan ko iyon”

Hindi nagsalita si Maxl kaya nakatitig na lang ako sa kanya. Hindi rin niya siguro akalain na magkakilala amg Ama naming dalawa, kahit ako ay ngayon ko lang nalaman na magkaibigan pala ang mga ito.

Tahimik si Maxl pero iba ang pananahimik niya kaya nabahala ako.

“I didn’t know, Tito” sambit niya. “That you and my Father are friends…”

Humigpit ang hawak ko sa kamay niya pero hindi niya ako nagawang tapunan ng tingin.

“Hija, nakakausap mo pa ba ang papa mo?” tanong ni Daddy ulit. “Hindi ko talaga alam na nagkaanak siya at ang liit ng mundo, ikaw ang magiging nobya ng anak ko.” tumawa pa sila Mommy at Tita sa sinambit ni Papa.

“Akala ko nga ay kasama mo rito si Maxcil”

“Po? Who is Maxcil?” mula sa tanong na iyon ni Maxl ay nawala ang nakangiti at masayamg expression nila Mommy at Daddy maliban kila Tita na wala namang alam pero mukha ring nadala dahil sa pagkatahimik nila Daddy.

“You don’t know Maxcil? Your brother?”

Chapter 9

Nanahimik kaming lahat, tahimik na tahimik at hindi ko na yata mabilang kung ilang beses na napalunok ang mga pinsan ko at sila Daddy kahit pa parang alam nila na hindi talaga nila alam na ’di talaga kilala ni Maxl ang tinutukoy nila.

“Ano?” Iyon lang ang tanging nasabi ni Maxl, tagalog na tagalog at bakas ang pagkairita sa boses niya pero agad niyang binawi, “I really don’t know…” hinawakan ko ang kamay niya upang pakalma ko ang pakiramdam niya. 

Naging mailap sila Daddy, umiwas na rin ng tingin sa kanila sila Tita dahil bakas namna talaga ang pag-aalala sa mukha niya at pagkabahala. Napakamot ng ulo si Daddy at si Mommy naman ay maagap kay Maxl.

“Sorry, for my attitude but I really don’t know my brother…”  humigpit din ang kapit niya sa akin kaya hinagod ko na lang ang ilang daliri niya para mapanatag siya at makaramdam ng kaniyang pagkakalma at pagkaginhawa. 

“Maxl…” tawag ko. “Calm down” Tumango siya sa akin, ngumiti ako nang bahagya sa kanya.

“It’s fine…” iyon na lang ang tanging nasambit ni Daddy sa kanya, tinanguhan na rin siya  ni Mommy na alam kong kagaya ko ay pinapakalma niya rin si Maxl. “Huwag na natin pag-usapan.”

May iba pa rin naman kaming pinag-usapan ng gabing iyon, alam ko namang hindi mawawala ang mga iyon kay Maxl dahil sa mga nalaman niya pero hindi ko pinaramdam na wala ako sa tabi niya. Alam kong problemado na siya noon at hindi ko naman nagsabi pa sa kanya.

Sumunod pa ang ilang mga araw ay naging maayos naman si Maxl sa aming villa, welcome na welcome nga siya ng mga Tita at Tito ko kaya pinapabalik din siya sa sususnod.

Nang sumapit ang bagong taon ay sila Andy, Elijah at Jerico naman ang nakasama ko pagkabalik ko sa Manila, namiss ko rin talaga sila dahil may kanya-kanya kaming buhay noong pasko at bagong taon.

“Kumusta naman ang pasko at bagong taon nyo mga bakla?” si Jerico ang nagtanong nang magkita-kita kami sa garden ng University, nakaupo roon at nagpapahangin. “Masaya ba ang mga lovelife nyo?”

“Siraulo kayo, may nakilala akong babae sa farm nila Lolo” masayang bati naman ni Elijah sa amin, ang lalawak pa ng mga ngiti nito sa amin.

“Sino naman?” ako ang nagtanong, minsan lang ito may nasabing may nakilala siya kaya sinusulit ko na rin talaga. Para naman may alam ako at kami sa lovelife niya, hindi yung puro niya kalokohan.

“Si Amalia” tumango-tango naman kami. “Kaso ang sungit niya sa akin” si Andy ang tumawa, si Jerico naman ay pinalo siya sa braso. “Sama talaga ng mga ugali nyo” sumbat nito sa akin.

“Baka naman kasi inaasar mo, loko-loko ka pa naman” sabi ko na lang. “Tigilan mo na kasi pagiging loko mo”

Agad na naging maagap ito, sumimangot pa sa sinabi ko kaya ako naman ang natawa. Kahit kailan talaga ang sarap niyang asarin kagaya ng mga ginagawa niya sa aming tatlo. Nakakatuwa kasi siya kapag napipikon.

“Hindi ko naman siya inasar eh, nagalit pa sa akin, sabi niya ang yabang ko raw porket mayaman kami” Humagalpak naman ng tawa si Jerico kaya mas lalo kaming pinagtinginan ng ibang dumaraan sa garden, si Elijah naman ay nagtaas ng middle finger niya kay Jerico. 

“Eh gago, mayaman ka nama—”

“Tarantado, pamilya ko lang mayaman, hindi ako” sumbat pa nito at mabilis na napakamot sa kaniyang buhok na parang problemado talaga siya.

“Eh pero ano bang problema mo? Maliban dyan sa babae na nagagalit sayo” tanong ko naman, bahagyang lumungkot ang mukha niya kaya natahimik na rin si Jerico at naghihintay sa kaniyang dagdag na sasabihin.

“Type ko kasi siya” umismid naman ako sa kaniya, minsan talaga ang bilis niya, kaya pala ang daming napipikon sa kagaya niya at lalo na yung babaeng sinasabi niyang type niya. “Oh bakit?’

“Siraulo ka pala eh, baka ayaw sayo non kaya naiinis sayo, ganon lang naman yun kaya” si Andy naman ang nagsalita sa kaniya. “Sinabi mo ba—”

“Oo!” malakas na sigaw ni Elijah na siyang kinagulat naming tatlo, hindi lang pala siya nakakainis at nakakapikon, pati na rin yata ang pagiging makapal ng mukha niya ay nakuha na niya talaga. Malala na talaga ang isang ito.

“Ang lala mo na” sambit ko na lang at pinalo siya sa likod. “Baliw ka, inis na nga yung tao siya tapos sinabi mo pang type mo siya” 

“Totoo naman kasing type ko siya, tsaka, sa lahat ng babae sa probinsya ni Lolo, siya lang yung nainis sa akin nang ganon, kahit noong wala akong ginagawa” paliwanag pa niya.

“Eh kahit naman wala kang gawin, nakakainis ang pagkatao mo” si Jerico na tumawa na naman kaya binato na si Elijah ng hawak nitong mineral bottle. “Totoo naman tsaka baka straight kasi iyon”

“Eh gusto ko nga siya!”

“Gago, iba yung type sa gusto” si Andy na sinabunutan na siya. “Ayusin mo kasi, kung talagang gusto o type mo yun, ipakita mo na maganda ang intensyon mo hindi yung taratando ka” 

Sinang-ayunan naman namin siya dahil totoo naman kung gusto niya talaga yung babae ay magiging seryoso siya at hindi lang basta nang-aasar o nangpipkon kasi maiinis talaga sa kaniyang yung taong gusto o type niya.

Natahimik naman siya na para bang malalim ang iniisip. “Eh pero, ganon kasi ako eh, mas gusto ko tala—”

“Aba, edi ayusin mo” ako naman ang sumabat. “Kung talagang gusto mo siya, gawin mo lahat, baguhin mo rin ang ibang ayaw niya sayo sa ugali mo, ganon lang naman yun eh. kaya mo yun, maloko ka lang talaga minsan” mahabang litanya ko sa kanya. 

Napapakamot siya sa kaniyang buhok at mabibilis na umiiling sa amin.

“Oo na, oo na, gagawin ko na, magseseryoso na ko sa kanya at sa mga gagawin ko” tinatapik namin siya ni Rico, kita ko namang gusto niya talagang magbago at tatanggap niya ang mga pinagsasabi namin sa kaniya.

“Eh ikaw?” tanong ni Rico kay Andy na siyang kinanguso nito sa amin. “Magkwento ka naman dyan, anong nangyari sa inyo sa boracay? nagkita ba kayo dun ng crush mo?”

“Oo, nagkasama kami, masyado ka talagang chismoso, kalalaking tao” ako naman ako nakiusisa. “Nagkasama lang kami tapos nakilala ko rin yung kapatid niyang babae, bunso”

“Wow hihintayin ko na lang yung kapatid niya” binatukan ni Elijah si Rico kaya tumawa naman ang loko. “Gago, biro lang, tangina mo naman”

“Maayos naman kami, nagkukwentuhan, hindi sa assuming ako pero hindi niya ako pinabay—” pinutol ni Elijah ang sasabihin ni Andy.

“Assuming ka talaga, Andy!” nagtawanan kaming apat pati si Andy ay natatawa na rin sa mga pinagsasabi naming apat at sa mga pinagkukwentuhan.

“Masyado akong iwas sa kaniya, ayoko na masyadong magka-crush sa kaniya…”

“Bakit? Ayaw mo na kay Aki?”  ako naman ang nagtanong. Umiling si Andy kaya hinintay pa namin ang susunod niyang sasabihin.

“Hindi naman pero para kasing wala talaga akong pag-asa sa kaniya” mahinang sambit nito tsaka kami isa-isang tinignan. “Narinig ko kasi sila nag-uusap ng kapatid niya, may nirereto sa kaniya ang Mommy niya, babae”

“Napapalibutan ako ng mga bakla!” hiyaw ni Rico at binangga pa ang ulo niya kay Elijah. “Jusko, gusto ko pa maging ninong ninyo”

“Siraulo” si Elijah.

“Totoo ba?” naging maingat ang pagtatanong ko sa kaniya, tumango naman ito nang kaunti. “Gusto ba ni Aki? o kung anuman ang narinig mo sa pag-uusap nilang magkapatid.”

“Wala akong narinig eh, para ngang ayaw nilang pag-usapan, na-open lang dahil may tumawag kay Aji.” Huminga ito nang sobrang lalim. “Ano ba sa tingin ninyo? Kaibigan na lang? tutal hindi rin naman niya alam kung anong nararamdaman ko para sa kaniya.”

“Kung ano ang gusto mo, Andy” malumanay na sambit ko. “Dahil kahit magbigay kami ng komento ay alam naming desisyon mo pa rin ang gagawin mo eh”

Tumango-tango naman sila Rico, hinawakan ni Rico si Andy sa buhok nito at bahagyang hinahaplos.

“Huwag kang masyadong malungkot, kasama mo kami, nandito lang kami palagi para sayo, kung ano ang gagawin at desisyon mo ay ayos na kami.”

Naoangit ako at niyakap ko naman si Andy, nakisali naman si Elijah at sunod naman si Rico na niyakap kaming tatlong babae na buo sa bisig niya. Ang higpit pa non kaya ramdam ko ang piga ng katawannamin.

“Eh sayo naman, Mundo, kumusta naman ang meet the parents, tita, tito at cousins ng magaling mong manliligaw?” si Elijah na naman ang nanguna, bumitaw na kaming apat sa yakapan namin.

Ngumuso ako bago sumagot. “Maayos naman, gustong-gusto siya nina Daddy at mga pinsan ko rin.”

“Oh tapos?” parang hindi pa kuntento si Rico sa naging sagot ko kaya sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. “Masyado ka namang pabitin, ituloy mo na”

“Kilala pa nina Daddy at Mommy ang Daddy ni Maxl” nagulat ang mga ito at ako naman ay nagpatuloy lang. “Business kasi, alam ninyo naman kung gaano kalawak ang negosyo…pero may problema kasi”

Napabuntong hininga ako, kahit ako ay iyon din ang inaalala sa ilang araw, pinilitt ko na lang talagang maging masaya at sulitin na makasama si Maxl sa bagong taon kahit ang totoo ay nabobother din ako sa naging usapan nila.

“What’s the problem, Abby?” hinawakan naman ni Andy ang kamay ko, naging bakas na ang pag-aalala sa mukha nila.

“Nabanggit ni Daddy kay Maxl na akala ni Maxl na kasama niya si Maxcil…” huminga ako, kita ko naman ang pagkalito sa mga kaibigan. “Hindi…hindi niya kilala si Maxcil, kapatid niya, hindi niyq kilala, kitang-kita ko pagbabago niya noong narinig niya iyon.”

“Ha? Hindi alam ni Maxl na may kapatid siya?” si Andy ang nagtanong. “Paano? Hindi niya nakasama? Akala ko rin ay mag-isa lang siyang anak?”

Tumango ako. “Kitang-kita ko kay Maxl na naguluhan siya at nagulat…hindi ki magawang ma-open sa kaniya dahil usapang pamilya nila iyon pero kakaiba talaga iyon, hindi niya alam na may kapatid siya kung hindi pa sinabi ni Daddy”

Naramdaman ko ang katahimikan sa pagitan naming apat, alam ko na kahit sila ay hindi rin alan kung anong dapat sabihin dahil parehas lang naman kaming mga walang alam at mukhang nabigla pa talaga.

I’m always thinking Maxl these past few days kahit na hindi siya nag-open tungkol doon ay alam kong namomoblema siya, wala naman kasi siyang sinabi na makikipagkita sa Lolo o sa Mommy niya o kahit sa Daddy niya pagtapos ng pag-uusap na iyon.

How can I help Maxl? How can I make her feel better? I didn’t feel that she sympathized with me for what problem that was. Parang iniiwasan niya talaga akong madamay sa usapang pamilya niya.

Hindi ko naman iyon na-open dahil hinihintay ko siyang magsabi, hinihintay ko talaga pero maliban sa Lolo at Mommy niya, wala na akong alam, may Daddy siya pero hindi niya binabanggit, nabanggit lang noong tinanong ni Daddy.

I stopped walking when I saw Aki, holding her plates. Naiwanan ko na sila Rico sa room dahil dadaanan ko pa si Maxl sa studio nila.

“Abby? Where are you going?” huminto ako sa harap niya. “Kay Maxl?”

Nakangiting tumango ako sa kaniya. “Ikaw? Magpapasa ka ba?” bumaba ang tingin namin sa mga hawak niya. “Ang dami niyan, kaya pa ba, Architect?”

Nagtawanan kaming dalawa. “Kinakaya, kape na lang bumubuhay sa akin.” gumilid siya. “Tara, si Maxl ang dadalawin ko sa studio nila.”

Sumabay ako sa kaniya sa paglakad, malayo pa kami sa studio room kaya nagawa pa naming mag-usap.

“Aki, I would like to ask something, you are Maxl’s friend so I’m sure you know something about her.” Aki quietly turned to me, I guess she didn’t expect my question.

“What is that, Abby?” she said gently. “Go on…”

“May nabanggit ba si Maxl na may kapatid siya?” Dahil sa tanong ko na iyon, napatigil sa akin si Aki, napatigil na rin ako sa kaniya habang nakatingin pa rin. Kita ko ay paggalaw ng panga niya.

“Maxl has a sibling?” I swallowed, she doesn’t know either, surely her parents or even her Daddy are hiding something from her? “I don’t know, but Is that serious?”

Dahan-dahan akong tumango. Napabuntong hininga siya bago umiling. “Abby, si Maxl kinakapatid ko pala siya, pasko ko lang nalaman…”

Napasapo na lang ako, ang dami namang nangyayari sa buhay ni Maxl, maski ang buong kaibigan niya at kaibigan ko ay hindi nagiging kampante.

“Nalaman niya rin naman, nag-usap kami noong bagong taon peri hindi niya sinabing may kapatid pala siya, paano mo pala nalaman?” tanong naman nito.

“Nabanggit ni Daddy ko, magkakilala pala si Daddy at Daddy niya tapos sinabi ni Daddy na akala niya ay kasama ni Maxl si Maxcil, yung kapatid niya”

Napailing na lang ito. Parang mas lalong naging problemado siya kaysa sa akin. Kung anong naging reaksyon ni Maxl ay ganoon din siya.

“Do you know anything about Maxl? or even about her family?” I couldn’t help but ask. I really need this and I feel like I can’t be quiet.

I saw how her  eyes moved away from me and move in her jaws. She took a breath and spoke again.

“Abby, you should ask Maxl about that matter. But all I can tell you is to be careful, be careful about what you know and what you let Maxl know about her family…”

I don’t know but I can feel that Aki is worried for me just from the tone of her voice, her calmness and respect for me is still there. Hindi ko maiwasang maramdaman na ang bigat sa ilang araw kong iniisip.

Lumakad na si Aki kaya sumabay na ako sa kaniya. Naging tahimik na kaming dalawa pero paminsan ay tinatapunan ko siya ng tingin. Hindi talaga nakakaligtas sa akin ang reaksyon nilang dalawa.

Anong mali? May tinatago ba ang pamilya ni Maxl? Bakit ganoon na lang ang epekto sa amin at sa kaniya?

Nang nasa harapanna kami ng studio ay napatigil kami dahil may naririnig kaming nag-uusap, Ang boses ni Maxl at ang natatandaan kong isa pang boses ng matanda, ang Lolo niya.

“Lo, Why I don’t know that I have a brother? You know about this?” Mapalunok ako dahil punong puno ng hinanakit ang boses ni Maxl.

“What? What are you saying? Isang apo lan—”

“Then who is Maxcil?” pilit pa na sambit ni Maxl sa Lolo niya. Kita ko ang pag-aalalang titig sa akin ni Aki habang nakikinig kaming dalawa. “I don’t know him but Abby’s Daddy said that he is my brother.”

Wala akong narinig na sagot mula sa Lolo niya, isang minuto pa yata ang lumipas bago ko muling nagsalita ang Lolo niya.

“What is your father’s plan again…” I could feel the old man giving up and saying tiredly. “You have a brother and even I didn’t know you had a brother because you were the only one that Maxene showed me…”

“Is that true? I am the only one that time?” Boses naman ni Maxl, sa mga oras na ito hindi ko alan kung anong mararamdaman ko at oara kay Maxl, sa mga naririnig ko ay mas lalong nahihirapan akong matulungan siya kung ano nga ba ang dapat.

“You’re my only grandchild from your Dad and Mom, Maxl, you’re the only one they gave me”

“That’s fucking bullshit”

I swallowed, I could feel the mixture of anger and frustration in Maxl’s voice, I couldn’t help but be nervous because it was my first voice to hear and feel it in her voice. I’m closing my eyes because I feel like I’m going to cry but I can’t help her.

“I need to find and see what they are referring to as my brother, help me, Lo”  malumanay man ay ramdam ko pa rin ang galit niya. “And I don’t have any known parents except my Mommy and you but it’s a different if I have a brother…”

Chapter 10

Ilang minuto silang natahimik sa loob at halos ilang minuto na rin kaming nasa labas ni Aki, naghihintay at kung dapat pa ba kaming pumasok dahil narinig na namin ang lahat ng pinag-usapan nila.

“Hindi ko talaga alam, nakausap mo na ba ang Mommy mo tungkol dito?” narinig ko pang dagdag ng kaniyang Lolo.

“No and I don’t know how to talk to her about that” her voice shows the extreme nervousness and hesitating if she should dare to ask her Mommy that. “You know, Lo, I really don’t want a problem, not like this one”

“Apo, alam ko naman iyon pero kahit ako ay hindi ko alam kung hindi pa kita dinalaw dito ay hindi ko malalaman sayo…” malumanay na sambit ng Lolo niya na kagaya nito ay pinapakalma si Maxl.

“Lo, talk to HIM, I don’t like his vehavior but from what I know, I want it to be okay” Muli na naman akong naalunok dahil naroon na naman sila sa usapan nila tungkol sa kaniyang Daddy.

“I don’t want to talk to him” dagdag pa nito.

“Ako na ang bahala, kung kaya mo ay kausapin mo na ang Mommy mo.”

Kumatok na rin si Aki nang ilang minuto nilang pananahimik sa loob. Bumukas ang pinto at kita ko pa ang gulat sa mga mata ni Maxl nang makita niya ako.

“Abby? Why are you here? You didn’t text or call me…” muling bumalik ang pagiging malumanay sa boses niya, ganon naman siya kapag ako ang kaharap o kausap niya.

“Sorry, pumunta na ako agad dito para makita ka”  Ngumiti ako sa kaniya, ayoko kasing ipahalata na narinig namin iyon lahat at ayoko ring ipahalata sa kaniya na nag-aalala na naman ako.

I saw her smile at me, she reached out for my hand, caressed it but she didn’t say anything but looked at Aki. Nagtagal ang titigan nilang dalawa na para bang mga mata lang nila ang nag-uusap.

“Aki” tawag niya rito. “You okay?” nilingon ko si Aki na hindi talaga ang reaksyon mula kanina.

“Oo, gusto ko lang din dumalaw dito, nakasabay ko si Abby, pasok na ko.” Pumasok ito sa loob kaya nasa akin naman ang atensyon at tingin ni Maxl.

Naririnig ko na ang Lolo at si Aki na nag-uusap mula sa loob.

“My Lolo is here,” hawak pa rin niya ang kamay ko. “How are you?” masuyong sambit niya bago ako tuluyang nilapitan. “I miss you”

Hindi ko maiwasang mapangiti, ang lambing ng boses niya, hindi niya talaga maitago iyon sa akin.

“I miss you too that’s why I came here, hug?” I opened my two arms, she didn’t say a word and hugged me very tightly. “How about you? Are you okay?”

Even though I already know the answer, I also know what her answer will be, the answer to my question that I don’t want to get.

“I’m fine, I’m just tired all day…” she snuggled into my neck and hugged my waist even tighter. “You smell good…”

“I love you” I said sweetly.

“I love you so much, Abby” naramdaman ko ang paghalik nito sa aking leeg. “So much more”

Nakausap ko pa ang Lolo niya pagkapasok naming dalawa sa loob. Hindi naman ako tinigilan nito dahil mukhang mas mahal pa niya ako kaysa sa apo niya.

“Aba, paganda nang paganda ang apo ko ah…” Natawa ako dahil apo na rin ang tawag niya sa akin. “Ang ganda mo, apo, huwag lang papayag na paiiyakin ka nitong si Maxl ha?”

Muli kaming nagtawanan na dalawa, si Aki ay inaasar naman si Maxl sa tabi niya dahil sa pinagsasabi ng Lolo nito sa kaniya.

“Opo, Lo” natatawang sabi ko. “Ako pa ang gugulpi sa apo niyo kapag pinaiyak ako” Lalong lumakad ang tawa ni Aki na parang akala mo ay para sa kaniya ang sinabi ko, hinahaplos na niya si Maxl sa balikat.

Si Maxl naman ay nakangiti habang nakatingin pa rin sa akin. Tumango-tango lang siya.

“Aki, stop” kinurot nito ang ilong ni Aki kaya napatigil ito sa pagtawa. “Lo, Please stop po…” tila na nahihiya na ito.

“Basta, alagaan ninyong dalawa ang relasyon ninyo ha? Huwag ninyong hayaan na masira iyon.” sabi pa nito. “Itatakwil ko kayo pareho, sige”

Muli na naman akong tawa pero si Maxl wala yatang balak alisin ang titig niya sa akin habang tumatawa ako.

It’s like her gaze and eyes have become a magnet for me, she’s always like that as if I’m the only one she sees. Kulang na lang din ay mabali ang leeg niya makita lang niya ako.

“Baby” tawag sa akin ni Maxl habang naglalakad kami papuntang parking lot. Magkahawak kami ng kamay habang naglalakad. Tumatama na rin ang malamig na hangin sa aming katawan.

“Yes?” tanong ko at tiningala siya upang makita. “Ano po?”

“You want to meet my Mom?” Ilang beses akong pumikit at dumilat dahil sa tanong niya, hindi ki alam pero kinabahan talaga ako. Mas kinakabahan pa ako kapag usapang magulang niya. “I also want to introduce you to her” she added.

“Are you surre?” paninigurado ko sa kaniya. “I am not your girlfriend yet…”

Ngumiti siya sa akin nang sobrang tamis.

“And I’m sure you’ll be my girlfriend, I’m sure of you, Abby” Lalong lumawak ang ngiti naming dalawa, kakilig talaga siya, ang lakas ng tama niya ngayong araw. “So, it’s fine?”

Tumango ako nang sunod-sunod sa kaniya. “Oo naman! Gusto ko na makita si Mommy mo…”

Naalala ko na naman ang Daddy niya, kahit halata naman ay hindi ko maiwasang isipin ito at kung ano ba talaga ang nangyari sa pagitan nilang dalawa.

“Thank you, sorry, I really want to introduce you to Mommy, you are the first one I will introduce to her.”

“Totoo? Grabe ka na, ang lakas na ng tama mo ngayong araw.” Tinawanan lang niya ako, totoo naman, naninibago talaga ako sa kaniya lalo na kapag seryoso siya at ganito siya ngayon. “Ano bang nakain mo?” dagdag ko pa sa kaniya.

“Nothing but I’m hungry, let’s eat?” Lumapit naman siya sa akin at hinalikan ang noo ko. “Want shawarma rice? and fries?”

Napangiti ako sa ginawa niya, hinawakan ko ang kamay niya nang sobrang higpit.

Sa totoo lang ay balak ko na rin talaga siyang sagutin, sa pinapakita ba niya namang ganito, alam kong ito talaga ang intensyon at hindi na iyon magbabago kaya hindi ko na kailangan patagalin.

“Ikaw? Wala ka bang gusto kainin?” Hindi naman pwedeng puro pagkain ko na lang ang dapat niyang sinusunod.

“Nothing, I love your faviorite foods, dw” Ngumiti siya nang  sobrang tamis sa akin. “So?”

“Sige na nga, iyon na lang tapos sa likod tayo ng kotse mo kumain.” Naka-Ford Raptor kasi siya kaya pwedeng-pwede kaming dalawa sa likod kumain.

“Sure”

Pinagbuksan niya ako ng pinto ng kotse paglapit namin sa Ford niya. Ngumiti ako sa kaniya at binigyan siya ng kurot sa pisngi. Siya naman ay tumango-tango habang malalapad and ngiti.

She’s really beautiful to watch especially when her smile is so wide, because her smile is contagious even when I’m smiling. Mahahawa ka talaga sa kaniya.

Dumaan kami sa dalampasigan kung saan maraming stall ng pagkain, lalo na gabi ay marami na ang tao roon.

“Abby, I’ll go down, I’ll leave you, the shawarma and fries stall is right next to here.” she said so gently that I immediately frowned.

“Ano? Ayaw mo ba akong kasama?” tanong ko na siyang mabilis na paglipat ng tingin niya sa akin. Umawang ang bibig nito at kaagad namang nakakilos.

“No, Abby, It’s fine, just sta—” pinutol ko ang sasabihin niya. Bakit ayaw niya akong isama?

“Why?” tanong ko. Ewan ko talaga pakiramdam ko kahit mabilis lang siyang babalik ay ayaw kong mawalay sa kaniya. Ngayon lang ako naging ganito.

Masuyong inabot niya ang aking kamay, inangat ito at hinalikan.

“Okay, Abby, come with me…” binitawan niya aoo at lumabas, siya rin ang nagbukas ng pinto sa tabi ko. Lumabas ako at sumama na sa kaniya habang hawak niya pa rin ang kamay ko.

Nasa stall palang kami ng fries ay napapansin ko na ang maraming mata na nakatingin sa kaniya, parang unang beses lang na may ganoong tao silang nakita. Simple naman si Maxl pero sa ganda niya ay talagang maraming nakakapansin sa kaniya.

Hindi ko na halos mapakinggan ang mga inorder niya flavor dahil nakatutok ako sa mga nakatingin sa kaniya.

Tusukin ko kaya mga mata nila? Kung makatingin ay parang akala mo eh.

Kumikot ang labi ko humawak na lang ako sa braso ni Maxl na ngayon ay nagpapasalamt na sa  vendor at kinuha na ang inorder niyang fries.

“Balik ka po, Miss Ganda” sabi nong lalaki sa kaniya kaya napakunot ang noo ko. Hinili ko na si Maxl sa stall ng shawarma, ang kaibahan lang ay sa stall na iyon ay puro babae naman ang nakatinggin sa kaniya.

Hindi naman ako sobrang selosa pero ewan ko ba ang lamig naman ng gabi pero nag-iinit na amg ulo ko, makita ko lang na halos malaglag na panga nong mga babae sa kaniya.

“Abby, all beef?” hinawakan ni Maxl ang kamay ko at bahagya niya akong idinikit sa kaniya. “Baby” masuyong tawag niya. “Are you okay?” dagdag pa niya.

I nodded, tumingala sa kaniya. “Yes, Please all beef with cheese, marami”

She smiled sweetly at me and nodded. “Maam, two shawarma rice, all beef, and please add more cheese” magalang na sabi niya sa vendor.

Humarap siya sa akin, naghihintay kami maluto iyong order. Bumaba naman ang tingin niya sa akin na hanggang ngayon ay nakakunot ang noo.

“Why are you frowning? What’s the problem?” With her eyes full of concern, I became obsessed again, I couldn’t help but be swept away by her eyes, especially the colors of her eyes. “Baby”

“Bakit ang ganda mo?” wala sa sariling sambit ko habang nakatitig pa rin sa kaniya, kita ko ang pagkagulat sa kaniya nang sabihin ko iyon pero agad ding nangiti at napailing. “Seryoso nga, dami mong fan”

“Fan? What do you mean?” She ask me again. I feel her kiss on my cheek again. “I want you to be the only one who is crazy about me, baby”

Napasinghap ako roon at agad na napalunok. Ramdam ko na naman ang pamumula ng mukha ko.

“T-Totoo ba?” tanong ko. Lakas niya talaga sa akin.

Tumawa siya sa aking pisngi bago niyanilayo ang mukha. Tinawag siya noong vendor at kaagad niyang kinuha ang shawarma rice.

Hinawakan niya ang muli at sabay na kaming bumalik sa Raptor niya, tinulungan niya akong maupo sa likod ng Raptor niya bago siya ang sumunod na sumampa at maupo sa aking tabi.

Nasa harapan kami ng dalampasigan kaya hindi rin tumitigil ang paghampas ng malamig na hangin sa amin.

“Let’s eat?” Tumango siya, ako naman ang nag-asikaso ng pagkain namin, binuksan ko ang paper box kung nasaan ang shawarma rice, kinuha ang spoon and fork at masuyong ibinigay sa kaniya. “Eat na, gutom ka na”

“Eat, Abby” mas lalong umusog siya sa akin habang kumakain kaming dalawa.

Tinotoo nga na ang daming cheese ng shawarma, mas masarap talaga at maanghang pa ito. Halos sumayaw na ako habang kumakain dahil ang sarap talaga ng shawarma rice.

I saw her staring at me, she looked happy again while looking and watching me even while she was eating.

I just nodded at her, that’s how he is, can’t take her eyes off me, akala mo mawawala ako.

Pagkatapos ko maubos ang shawarma rice at iyong bowl naman ng fries ang kinuha ko, nilagad ko pa iyon sa kaniya.

“Fries, oh” nakangiting sabi ko. “Kuha ka na kahit may kinakain ka pa”  kumuha siya ng dalawa at kinain iyon, kaunti na lang naman ang shawarma rice niya. “Masarap? Paborito ko yan, cheese tapos sweet and sour…”

Tumango siya sa akin. “Me too, I also like sweet and sour, that’s delicious.” she said gently, she put down the empty paper box and took fries again. “Go, Abby, just eat…”

Ngumiti ako sa kaniya at nagpatuloy sa pagkain ng fries. Siya naman ay lumapit sa akin at dumantay sa aking balikat.

“Maxl, may problema ka ba?” Hindi ko maiwasang magtanong na sa kaniya dahil gusto ko ring may malaman o paano ko siya matutulungan.

Her silence lasted, I could only feel her breathing and my chewing at this time. The two of us are quiet again.

Mali yata ang pagtatanong ko at mas lalong mali na nagtanong pa talaga ako.

Magsasalitta pa sana ako nang bigla siyang magsalita.

“I really didn’t know that I had a brother, I didn’t know that your daddy knew that and I didn’t even know anything about Mommy that I had a brother” she started. I could feel the weight in her words but her calm voice remained. “I really don’t know if I’m mad at what I heard about your Daddy or mad at myself because I really failed to know that.”

Unti-unti akong nakaramdam ng pagkabahala dahil iyon ang unang beses na narinig ko iyon sa kaniya. Unang beses na naramdaman ko ang nararamdaman niya.

“I was shocked and I couldn’t really feel myself when I found out, until now I still feel that way” she was cut off before she continued again. “But you’re there, I know I’ll calm down and I’ll be able to handle what I’m feeling.”

Dinampian ko ng matagal na halik ang buhok niya. Dinamdam ko iyon hanggang sa muli siyang magsalita.

“Promise, Abby, I can tell you everything, I hope you can wait for me until I’m ready for you to know everything about me and my family.”

Pumikit ako at dinamdam ang presensya niya. Muli kong binigyan ng halik ang buhok niya.

“I’ll always be here, I’ll always be ready, no matter what you say to me, Maxl” I told her with all my heart.

“Thank you, Abby…”

“No need to thank me, I am always here for you, Maxl, always.” hinawakan ko na ang buhok niya.

“Maxl” tawag ko.

“Yes?”

“Sinasagot na kita, girlfriend mo na ako.”

Chapter 11

Kitang kita ko ang saya aa mukha ni Maxl, hinawakan niya ang mga kamay habang namumungay pa rin ang mga matang nakatingin sa akin.

“Really? I am your girlfriend now?” Malalawak na ngiti ang ibinibigay niya sa akin.

“Yes, Maxl, I am your girlfriend.” Kita ko ang naapunok siya pero agad ding nakabawi. “Hindi ako nahbibiro ha, pero totoong sinasagot na nga kita. Maniwala ka bago ko pa bawi–” Hindi pa ko nakakapagsalita nang bigla niya akong halikan sa labi.

Napapikit at napakapit alo sa kaniyang leeg, namiss ko rin ang labi niya maliban sa kaniya. Mas ramdam ko ang pagmamahal sa mga halik niya ngayon, ngayon kasi ay magkarelasyon na kami at may matatawag ng kami.

“I love you” malambing na sambit niya. “So much…”

“I love you more” hinalikan ko siya sa pisngi at ako naman at sumandal sa balikat niya at siniksik naman ang  katawan.  Hindi talaga ako magsasawang sumiksik at dumidikit nang dumikitbsa kaniya.

Hinahagod niya ang aking braso, taas at baba hababg nakasandal pa rin ako sa kaniya. Gustong gusto ko siyang maramdaman at ang katahimikan sa pagitan naming dalawa. Mas ramdam ko siya roon.

“Abby, Will you marry me somebody?” Bahagya akong nabigla sa tanong nito. “Alam ko na bago palang tayo at alam ko ring luma na ang linyahan ko, sayo ko lang nakikita ang sarili ko.” malumanah niyang sambit sa akin kaya bahagya akong lumayo sa kaniya upang masilayan aiya, nakatingin din siya sa akin. “I can tell you right now”

“Na?” tanong ko naman sa kaniya. “Ano yung sasabihin mo?” bigla akong nausisa at bahagyang kinabahan pa sa kaniya.

“I like you for almost 3 years…” Nanlalaki ang mga mata ko sa kaniya pero siya at titig na titig lang sa akin.  Parang luluwa talaga yung mata ko sa kaniya. “Totoo, Abby”

“T-Totoo?! Joke ba ’yan? Eh bakit ngayon mo lang sinabi?” hinawakan ko ang kwelyo ng polo niya. “Ikaw ha, napaka mo talaga, ikwento mo naman sa akin.”

Tumango siya habang nakangiti pa rin sa akin. “Noong pinakilala ka sa akin ni Prof, nagkaroon na ako agad ng interest sa’yo” Ngumuso pa ako kaya mas lalo siyang natawa.

“Hindi ko naman masyadong pinapansin noong una pero nong nagtagal na, dun ko na pinansin at nalaman. Hindi mo rin kasi ako masyadong kinikibo noon, parehas pa tayo—” Pinutol ko ang sasabihin niya.

“Eh kasi crush din kita ’non, dalawang taon kaya iyon.” Siya naman ang nagulat sa akin. Natawa ako at tinapik-tapik siya sa balikat niya. Akala niya siya lang ang may pakulo.

“Is that true, Abby?” Tumango ako. “So we both like each other?” Sinabi niya na rin naman iyon nong umamin siya sa akin oero hindi ko alam na halos parehas lang ng taon na gusto at crush ko siya.

“Oo, inaasar pa nga ako nila Andy na umamin na kaso ’di ko talaga gagawin since may boyfriend ako at ayaw kong maging uncomfortable ka, baka kasi straight ka” Umiling naman siya habang nakangiti.

“Hindi halata ’no?” Natatawa pa siya. “But that’s true, I like you for almost three years, Abby…that’s why I am happy now…” Ramdam ko ang paghawak niya sa aking kamay. “I want to be a right person for you, so please let me, let me have these things with you and be gentle with you…”

Grabe ako ang pamumungay ng mga mata ko para bang gusto kong maiyak sa mga sinasabi niya, hindi dahil alan kung sa una lang ’yun pero alam kong gustong gusto niyang mangyari at panindigan ang lahat sa amin.

Hindi ako nagsalita, tanging tango ang ginawa ko at mahigpit na hinawakan ang kamay niyang nakahawak na sa akin kanina pa.

“Sana hayaan mo rin ako, hayaan mo kong may gawin din para sa atin at sa’yo…” tumitig kaming dalawa sa mata nang isa’t-isa, titigan palang ay alam kong sobrang lalim na at punong puno ng pagmamahal.

Masaya kaming dalawa ni Maxl nang gabing iyon, hanggang sa maihatid niya ako sa dorm ay walang palya ang saya at mga ngiti namin para sa isa’t-isa.

Sobrang hinahaplos at masaya ang puso ko, hindi ko na nga maipaliwanag dahil halo-halo na ang nararamdaman ko.

Nakangiting umupo ako sa kama habang nakatingin sa message ni Maxl sa akin. Nagpapatuyo ako ng buhok nang mabasa iyon.

Maxl: I’m home, baby, how are you?

Malapad na ngiti ang ginawa ko habang nagtitipa pakiramdam ko ay masisira na ang labi ko.

Abby: I’m fine, ikaw? Maglinis ka na at magpahinga. Tapos na ako, nagpapatuyo.

Sinend ko iyon at muling nagpatuyo ng buhok ko habang nakatingin sa screen ng phone ko, kita ko na ngang typing na siya.

Maxl: Maglinis lang ako, pagod na ako, bukas na lang ako maliligo. Matutulog ka na ba? If yes, goodnight and see you tomorrow.

Mabilis akong nagtipa nang may ngiti sa labi.

Abby: Goodnight, baby, i love you and goodnight, thank you so much.

Kinaumagahan ay sobrang saya ng pagkatao ko pakiramdam ko ibang tao na nga ako dahil mapupunit na talaga ang labi ko.

“Ano ’te? Mapupunit na ’yang labi mo.” Napatingin ako sa screen ng ipad kung saan ka-video call ko sina Rico, Andy at Elijah na parang akala mo hindi kami magkikita sa campus ngayong umaga.

Nag-aagahan kaming parehas at nakatutuok sa screen. Kaka-update lang sa akin ni Maxl na mag-aalmusala na rin muna siya kasama ang lolo niya kaya hindi kami magkausap.

“Masaya kasi ako.” ngiting-ngiti ko namang sabi.

“Hay naku, ako na lang walang girlfriend dito, nakakainggit na talaga.” Reklamo ni Jerico sabay inom ng kape niya. “Mga bading na ito.”

“Ako rin naman walang gf” si Elijah, kitang-kita ko pa sa screen na maaliwalas ang mukha nito. Ano na naman kaya nangyari sa isang ito. Si Andy naman ay natatawa lang sa kanilang dalawa.

“Edi si Abby na ang meron” Si Andy at kinindatan ako. “Kaya nga masaya siya, tignan n’yo, mapupunit na ang labi niya.”

“Malandi ’yan eh” si Jerico kaya natawa ako habang may laman ang bibig ko.

“Hoy! ’Yang bibig mo ha, bakit ako na naman nakita mo, ’yan nga si Elijah, maligaya rin ang mukha.” asik ko at tinuro ko pa si Elijah na sumasayaw na habang kumakain ng pancake niya.

“Huwag n’yo nga akong ituro, hindi pa ako ready maging nanay/tatay—” hiyaw ako.

“Ano?! Anong sinasabi mo? Anong tatay/nanay?” naintriga ako sa pinagsasabi niya. Anong sinasabi nito?

Siya naman ang tumawa habang kaming tatlo ay nakakunot ang noo na nakatingin sa kaniya.

“Nabaliw na naman ang gaga” si Andy. “Ang aga-aga naman niyang trip mo, Elijah.”

Nangibabaw pa ang tawa niya bago siya nagsimulang magsalita ulit.

“Intersex ako” Gulat kaming tatlo, hindi ako nakabawi agad kasi grabeng rebelasyon niya talaga iyon. Literal na tatay/nanay siya nito.

“Ay putangina, may lawit ang baklang ’to” si Rico na napatakip pa ng mata niya. “Siraulo ka, mapanganib ka magkaroon ng babae baka mamaya mabuntis mo.”

“Totoo ’yan? May dagdag na pala sa pagiging loko mo” gatol ko naman.

“Dagdag lahi na naman ng mayayaman” si Andy na umiiling pa.

“Sabing ’di nga ako mayaman eh!” Tinuro niya kaming tatlo. “Ah basta, ngayon alam n’yo na ha? Hindi naman ako tarantado ’no kahit may ganito ako, si Lia lang—”

“Irita nga sa’yo ’yun, never ’yun magiging nanay ng anak mo.” si Andy kaya halos mag-middle finger sa amin si Elijah, napipikon na naman siya kaya nagtawanan kaming tatlo.

“Grabe talaga kayo.” Sabi niya habang nakasimangot.

“Huwag ka muna, Elijah, gamitin mo muna bait mo para makuha mo si Lia.” ako na ang nagsalita. “Ayusin mo, gago, nakakabuntis ka palang bading ka.”

Si Gaga naman ay nag flip pa ng hair niya. Babaeng-babae ang isa’ng ’to minsan pero minsan naman loko talaga siya.

“Ay, of course, kailangan mapaibig ko siya.” Nagpabebe pa siya sa screen kaya napahagalpak ako nang malakas. Tawang-tawa ako.

“Tangina mo, Elijah, lakas mo.” Tawa kami nang tawang tatlo.

Natapos na lang ang kulitan namin nang maoansin na late na kami. Kumilos na rin ako dahil nakita ko pa ang message ni Maxl na susunduin niya ako.

Naglagay ako ng pabango nang saktong kumatok na siya sa pinto. Lumapit ako roon agad at pinagbuksan siya.

“Hi” matamis na ngiti agad ang naging bungad niya sa akin. Napansin kong may tatlong tulips siyang dala. “For you” sabay alay sa akin.

Halos kuminang ang mga mata kong nakatingin doon, ang lapad na ng ngiti ki at kinuha iyon.

“Love!” tumingila ako sa kaniya. “Oh my, thank you so much!”“ Sinabayan niya ang paglapit sa akin at niyakap ako. “I love you, thank you!”

“Good morning and I love you always” malambing na halik ang matagal niyang iniwan sa buhok ko bago kami lumayo sa isa’t-isa. “Let’s go, baby, we’re late…”

Tumingkayad at aki ginawaran siya ng halik sa labi. “Sure peri ilalagay ko muna ito sa vase.” Tumango siya, hinawakan ko ang kamay niya papasok. Hinananp ko naman ang vase na walang laman at nilagay doon ang tatlong tulips.

Hindi ko maiwasang kiligin dahil kulay pink iyon, favorite color at ang ganda-ganda pa.

“Baby” tawag niya sa akin pagtapos kong picture-ran ang tulips. “Let’s go? Late na po kasi tayo…”

Pagdating namin sa school ay muntik pa akong ma-late, naroon na sina Andy kaya tinapunan naman ako ng nakakalokong tingin pero mas natatawa talaga ako kapag nakikita ko si Elijah, naalala ko iyong kanina.

Naging normal na oras at oangyayari na naman ang nangyari sa amin, activities at quizzes na naman ang ginawa namin. Hindi talaga iyon na wawala kaya laging ang ending ay masakit ang ulo ko.

“Ayan na naman tayo sa Mercado na ’yan, lintek, papatayin yata tayo eh” si Rico habang naka-akbay kay Elijah. “Hoy, pare, totoo talaga ’yung kanina?”

Siniko ko siya. Ingay din talaga ng bibig nito kahit kailan. Vacant time namin at paminsan-minsan ay nakakausap ko pa si Maxl.

“Oo, totoo, mabuti na lang talaga ’di required mag-squirt.” Napakamot siya sa buhok niya. “Kung ako kapatid mo, hindi ko talaga makapaniwalang may ganito ako, iyak pa ako nang iyak kay Ate kasi may talong ako.”

Hindi namin maiwasang matawa dahil halata sa mukha niya. Nataawa nga rin siya.

“Hay naku guys, mapaparami yata ang lahi namin dahil sa amin ni Ate.”

“Eh? Parehas kayo ng Ate mo na may talong?” si Andy. “Sa kaniya ayos lang mukha naman siyang matino, eh ikaw?”

Sumimangot si Elijah sa kaniya. “Andy naman, ito talaga akala mo laging kinakawawa ko eh.”

Tinawanan siya nito. “Inaasar mo kasi ako lagi!”

“Uy tama na ’yan…” pigil ko sa kanilang dalawa dahil mag-aasaran na naman sila. “Shh…” pigil ko habang nakapikit para madama nila.

Nagtawanan kaming apat. Nakakabaliw talaga silang kasama.

Sa pagsapit ng lunch ay apat kaming dumiretso sa studio, alam kong naroon si Maxl, yayain ko siyang sumabay sa amin.

Nag-uusap pa ’yung tatlo sa likod ko kaya hindi ko sila masyadong inuusisa, abala ako sa kakakatok pero hindi yata ako naririnig sa loob.

“Gerald, please leave.” Umawang ang bibig ki at bahagyang natigilan sa narinig. “Don’t be here, I don’t want to see you again.”

Mariin akong napapalunok. Ano naman kayang ginawa ni Getald dito? At bakit pa siya nandito? Sobrang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko, hindi ko alam kung saan pa ako makakahinga.

Napansin siguro noong tatlo na natahimik ako sa harapan nila kaya agad nila akong nilapitan, sumilip pa si Elijah sa aking gilid.

“Abby? Why? Wala bang tao?” Napatingin lang ako sa kaniya, hindi ako makapagsalita, tanging mga mata ko lang nakakatingin sa kanila. “Teka, kakato–”

Nagulat ako nang bumukas ang pinto, si Aki ang lumabas na nakasimangot at hindi maipinta ang mukha pero nawala iyon nang makita niya kami lalo na ako.

“Abby?” Mahinang sambit niya. “Shit, Maxl!” lumingon siya sa likod at sumigaw. “Si Abby nandito, ano, Gerald, ’di ka pa aalis dito?” Rinig ko ang matigas na sambit nito.

Narinig ko pa ang pag-urong ng silya sa loob at nagmamadaling yabag. Sandali pa au sumilip si Maxl, kita ko ang gulat sa kaniyang mga mata.

“Abby!” lumapit siya sa akin at hinila ako papasok. Halos manlaki ang mga mata ko dahil hinila niya talaga ako, naroon si Gerald kaya hindi ako makapaniwala.

Kita si Gerald na nàmumula ang mukha. Mas lalo akong kinabahan sa paraan ng pagtitig niya sa akin.

Naputol ang titigan naming dalawa nang likod ni Maxl ang humarang.

“Don’t make me hate you, Gerald, don’t disrespect my girlfriend.” Bahagya pa niyang dinikit ang likod sa akin.

“Really, Maxl? Ipagpapalit mo na lang ako sa babae pa talaga.” Napalunok ako nang mariin sa sinabi niya.

“Aba, putangina mo ah!?” si Rico ang narinig kong sumigaw. “Kaysa sa’yo? Na kung sino sino ang babaeng pinapatulan? Bobo ka pala.”

“And who are you? A piece of—”

“Shut up.” Naging malamig ang boses ni Maxl dahilan para mapatahimik kami at si Gerald. “You are the piece of shit, Gerald. You fucking shit”

Sa gulat at kaba ko ay hinawakan ko ang braso ni Maxl. Gusto ko siyang tumigil na at huwag na magsalita pa.

“Get out and Don’t ever comeback” Hinila ako ni Maxl sa sofa bago muling tinitigan si Gerald na lumabas ng studio. Nagpakawala siya ng malalim na hininga bago ako tinabihan at tinignan.

“Maxl? Bakit nandito si Gerald?” Tanong ko habang kinakabahan pa rin, nasasaktan talaga ako lalo na sa mga narinig ko kay Gerald.

“Baby, I’m sorry, promise, hindi na iyon mangyayari. Hindi ko na hahayaan pa…” Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko nang sobramg higpit.

“I am sorry, I hurt you…”

Namamass na ang mga mata ko. Bakit siya nagsososrry sa kasalanan na hindi naman siya ang may gawa.

“Hindi na mauulit, baby, please” nagmamakaawang himig niya at hinalikan ang mga kamay ko. “Don’t leave me, aayusin ko…”

Chapter 12

Hinawakan ko si Maxl sa mukha. Hindi ako galit, nasaktan ako pero hindi siya ang nanakit sa akin kundi si Gerald. At mas lalong walang dapat ikahingi ng sorry si Maxl.

Ramdam ko na natakot siya sa akin, kasi nasaktan ako sa narinig ko at pwedeng maging dahilan ’yun ng kung anong iniisip ni Maxl pero hindi ko ’yun intensyon.

Umiiling ako sa harap niya. Hindi niya kailangan gawin ’to dahil lang nasaktan ako, hindi naman siya ang nanakit sa akin.

“Baby, Don’t be sorry, wala kang kasalanan…” titig na titig kaming dalawa sa isa’t-isa, ang lungkot ng mga mata niyang nakatingin sa akin kaya maski ako ay nadadala. Hinaplos ko ang pisngi niya. “Don’t be sad…”

“I’m sorry, Abby.” humigpit na naman ang hawak niya sa akin. “I’ll talk to him about what he said…”

“No, It’s fine, ayoko na ring magkaproblema ka—” naputol ang sasabihin ko nang marinig ko si Andy.

’“Eh bobo ’yun, tangina para hindi lalaki kung umasta.” Nakasimangot ito habang nakatingin sa akin, ganon din sina Elijah, si Aki naman ay nasa likod ni Maxl nakatingin sa akin. “Ireport kaya natin ’yun? Walang kwenta eh”

“Tama na, Andy.” Nanlalaki ang mga mata ni Andy na nakatingin sa akin. “Shh, tama na, ayos lamg ako.”

Kita ko na kinulbit ni Elijah si Rico bago umakbay kay Andy.

“Pare, gulpihin na ba natin?” Sunod-sunod na tango ang ginawa ni Rico.

“O–”

“Tama na, guys?” saway ko sa kanila. Nakipagtitigan pa sila sa akin kaya ako na ang unang pumutol.

Ayoko ng gulo pa, hindi naman kawalan si Gerald. Hindi ko rin kailangan magpatali sa kung anong sasabihin niya sa akin.

Hindi ako basta babae lang, hindi pa “babae” lang kay Maxl. Hindi lang ako basta lang sa buhay niya.

“Maxl…” nakahinga ako nang maluwag nang dumistansya sa amin ang mga kasama namin. Nasa kabilang sofa na sila. “I’m not mad, nasaktan ako, oo pero hindi kasalanan, alam ko naman ang papel ko sa buhay mo…”

Lumanay ang pagkakasabi ki sa kaniya. “Hindi ako mawawala, kahit ano pa, hindi naman ako magpapatalo kay Gerald dahil mas sa’yi may pakielam.”

Malakas ang buntong hininga na naman ang pinakawalan niya. Ang lalim ’non at alam kong may kasama pang inis ang mga iyon. Hinaplos ko ang palad niya upang kumalma siya kahit papaano.

“I understand but still, I’m sorry…” Hinawakan niya ako at unti-unting dinikit sa kaniyang bisig. “Hindi na iyon mangyayari pa, hindi ka na ulit masasaktan pa…”

Dinamdam ko ang yakap niya sa akin, isa na rin ang matagal niyang paghalik sa aking noo. Ramdam na ramdam ko kung paano niya ako pahalagahan at ingatan, hindi niya ring hinahayaan na may mangyari hindi maganda at may marinig ako.

“How are you? Masakit pa rin ba?” Kumikot ang labi ko sa tanong niya. Hindi ko masyadong maramdaman ngayon dahil nasa bisig niya ako pero alam kong kapag ako lang mag-isa, mararamdaman ko na naman. “Anong pwede kong gawin para mabawasan? Gagawin ko.”

Humiwalay ako at tumingala sa kaniya, muli kaming nagkatinginan. Maliit akong ngumiti, ayokong mangamba at maging malungkot na naman siya.

“Ang maging nandito ka, ayos na iyon, nandito ka ay ayos na ako…” Muli kong hinaplos ang pisngi niya. “Huwag ka ng malungkot, ayokong malungkot ka.”

Hindi siya nagsalita. Yumuko at sumiksik sa aking leeg. “Let’s sleep together tonight, Abby…”

Tumango ako. Namiss ko rin siyang mag-stay sa dorm at makasama ng buong gabi. Gusto ko rin naman kasing maramdaman siya lalo na sa nangyari ngayon.

Nag-aalala pa ang tingin sa akin ng mga kapatid ko, palabas na kaming lahat dahil pauwi na rin at kasabay din namin si Aki na abala sa pakikipag-usap kay Maxl, malayo sila sa amin.

“Hoy, bakla” kinulbit naman ako ni Andy. Nilingon ko siya at inakbayan. “Sa’yo matutulog baby mo?”

Narinig ko naman sila Rico na sumama sa usapan namin.

“Lintek na ’yan, nakakainggit na talaga.” si Rico habang si Elijah ay nakasimangot na lang. “Humiwalay nga kayong dalawa sa amin!”

Hinila ko si Andy at humiwalay sa kanilang dalawa, umawang ang bibig nilang dalawa kaya natawa kami Andy.

“Hala, tangina, talagang humiwalay.!” hinihila-hila ni Elijah ang kwelyo ni Rico habang sumisigaw. “Tayong dalawa na lang, pare!!!”

“Aba, Ej, nabibingi na ko sa’yo” sigaw din ni Rico sa kaniya at tsaka na naman sila nagkagulong dalawa.

“Andy, ikaw?” tanong ko kay Andy kahit pa naririnig ko ang sigawan nong dalawa sa gilid namin. “Magpapahatid ka kay Aki?”

“Oo” dahan-dahan siyang tumango. “Sabi niya kasi sa kaniya na ako sumabay.”

Nakakalokong ngiti ang binigay ko sa kaniya kaya agad namang namula ang mukha niya. “Ano ba” hinampas ako nito sa balikat. “Inaasar mo na naman ako”

Natawa ako. Ginulo ko ang buhok niya at masuyong dinikit ang gilid ng labi ko sa kaniyang noo. Yumakap naman siya sa akin.

“Ikaw talaga, dalaga ka na talaga” Natatawang sabi ko, siya kasi ang pinakabata sa aming apat eh. Kaya ganito na lang namin siya kung asarin at tratuhin. “Mag-ingat kayo ha lalo ka na, girl baka tuluyan kang matan—”

“Andy” natigilan ang daldalan naming dalawa nang lumapit na sa amin si Aki, nakatingin siya sa aming dalawa bago kay Andy ang tingin. “Tara na? Abby, goodnight.”

Lumayo na sa akin si Andy. “Aki, iuwi mo yan nang maayos ha? lagot ka sa amin.” kunwaringg maangas na sambit ko pero hindi ko naman akalain na sasabay na naman si Rico.

“Oo nga! Iuwi mo yan ha!”

Natatawang tumapik si Aki kay Rico. “Oo, ito naman, iuuwi ko ito si Andy, promise…”

Umalis na silang dalawa sakay sa kotse ni Aki. Tinutulak naman ni Rico si EJ sa kotse niya.

“Hoy, bakla, pumasok ka na! Umuwi na tayo!!” sigaw nito sa mukha ni EJ kaya napatakip si EJ sa bibig niya.

“Ang baho ng hininga mo!”

Nagsisigawan na naman sila kaya nilapitan ko na sila.

“Mga beh ko, ingat pag-uwi, please huwag na kayong mag-away ha?” hinawakan ko ang balikat nilang dalawa kaya natigil naman sila. “Ingat kayo pag-uwi.”

Kita ko na sumilay ang ngiti nilang dalawa. Nilapitan nila ako at niyakap na dalawa. Kahit kailan talaga ay paiba-iba ang mood nila. Hindi maintinihan, akala mo literal na halo-halo.

Niyakap ko rin sila bago kami nagbitaw.

“Ingat kayo ni Maxl.” kumaway pa si Rico kay Maxl na nasa likod ko lang at nasa kotse niya. “Maxl, ingat!”

“Ingat kayong dalawa.” narinig ko rin sambit ni Maxl.

Pumasok na silang dalawa sa kotse at umalis na. Ako naman ay lumapit kay Maxl na maghihintay ma sa akin sa kotse.

Kinikiliti talaga ang puso ko dahil habang naglalakad ako papalapit sa kaniya ay nakatitigg lang siya sa akin.

“Baby” tawag niya, hinawakan ang baywang ko at hinalikan ako sa mata. “I miss you…”

Kumapit ako sa kaniya habang natatawa. Miss na niya ako agad.

“I love you…” malambing na sambit ko sa kaniya.

“Baby, tara, kain na muna tayo.” nilingon ko si Maxl na tapos na maghanda sa mesa. Bumili lang ulit kami ng mga sisig, pancit, shanghai at kanin na rin para sa hapon naming dalawa.

Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa habang nagsusuot ako ng t-shirt ko, nagpalit na muna ako at mamaya na lang maliligo, gutom na rin kasi ako.

“Kain na tayo?” lumapit ako sa kaniya. Inalalayan niya akong makaupo bago siya naman ang umupo sa tabi ko. “Ang sarap nito ha” hindi ko maiwasang matakam dahil namiss ko ang kumain ng mga ganito.

“Let’s eat, baby.” binigyan pa niya ako ng masuyong halik sa pisngi bago siya naglagay ng kanin, pancit, sisig at shanghai sa plato ko, kaunti lang naman iyon dahil for sure hindi ko rin mauubos agad if marami siyang ilagay. “Eat, take your time”

Inasikaso ko rin siya kaya napatigil siya kakakuha, nginitian ko siya. Gusto ko kung inaasikaso niya ako ay ganon din ako sa kaniya, gusto ko rin talagang inaasikaso at pinagsisilbihan siya.

Tahimik kaming kumain na dalawa, ganon talaga kaming dalawa lalo na kapag magkasama at lalo na kapag kumakain kasi mas pinapkikiramdaman namin ang isa’t-isa. Alam naming dalawa na mas magaan ang pakiramdam namin sa isa’t-isa ng katahimikan. Walang masama roon, hindi rin naman iyon problema namin.

Naubos na niya ang pancit nang tumingin siya sa akin at bumaba ang tingin sa plato ko. “Want more?” nakangiting tanong niya sa akin at nakahawak na sa sandok ng pancit. Tumango na lang ako at nilapit ko sa kaniya ang plato ko.

Nilagyan niya ang plato ko. Nagsimula ulit akong kumain. Nakikita ko pa ang patingin-tingin siya sa akin habang kumakain, hindi ko rin kasi maiwasang mangiti dahil sa mga tingin niya, ayaw na ayaw niyang bitawan ang mga tingin niya sa akin parang akala mo ay mawawala ako.

Pagkatapos naming kumain ay ako na ang naghugas kahit ayaw pa akong payagan ni Maxl, wala na siyang nagawa dahil tinutulak ko na siya pauwi sa sofa, magpapahinga naman siya at ako naman ang kikilos.

Halos sumasayaw pa ako habang naghuhugas, hindi ko rin mapigilan ang ngiti ko dahil bukod sa masaya ako ay kasama ko rin si Maxl ngayong gabi. Pangiti-ngiti pa ako at sasayaw ulit pagtapos na ko maghugas, nilagay ko iyon sa container para ipatulo.

I stopped a little because I felt someone hug my waist from behind. I immediately smelled Maxl, it looks like she has showered because I can smell that scent too. Bahagya akong ginilid ang aking leeg, tumama pa ang ilong at labi niya sa aking pisngi.

“Baby” ayan na naman ang malambing niya boses, dumikit ang labi niya sa aking pisngi. “Are you done? Get some rest…” I laughed a little and faced her, I hugged her neck, our faces met.

“I’m done, have you rested yet?” tanong ko, hinahaplos ko ang kaniyang leeg. Nakangiti na naman siya sa akin ng sobrang tamis. “Ayos naman ako, mag-showeer na rin ako.”

Maxl kissed me sweetly, I did the same to her. Binitawan na niya ako at ako naman ay hinawakan ang kamay niiya para pumasok na kami sa kwarto ko. Pinaupo ko siya sa kama at tumingin siya sa akin.

“Stay here, maliligo lang ako.” She looked up at me, her eyes puffiness as she looked at me. I smiled because my heart almost caressed when she looked at me like that. Sobrang punong-puno ng pagmamahal.

“I’ll wait for you here…”

Humalik ako sa kaniya at pumasok na sa banyo para makabalik din sa kaniya. Gusto ko na kasi siyang makasama nang sobrang tagal, alam ko namang ang sarili ko na hindi ko kayang hindi ko siya makasama at mayakap siya.

When I came out, Maxl looked at me, she stood up and came to me. She grabbed the towel I was holding in my hair.

“I’m going to help you dry your hair.” I was just looking at her because she was starting to wipe my hair. Sobrang ganda niya talaga kahit ilang beses na siyang malapit sa akin hndi ko pa rin siya maiwasang hanagaan at mapatitig sa kaniya. Mas maganda pa siya sa akin.

Sinundan ko pa rin ang tingin niya hangga’t sa tumigil siya sa pagpupunas sa aking buhok. Inabot niya naman ang suklay na nasa sa aking side table. Lumapit siya sa akin ulit at sinuklay ang buhok, pumunta pa siya sa aking likod pa mas lalong pa akong masuklayan.

“Thank you so much” malambing na sambit ko sa kaniya. She came back in front of me and took my hand. I waved at her until we got close to the bed. Umupo kaming dalawa sa kama. “Pahinga na tayo.”

Humiga kaming dalawa, pinalapit niya ako sa kaniya at kinulong ako sa bisig niiya. Wala ako sa sariling napangiti ako, sumiksik na ako at tuluyang pumikit sa kaniyang bisig.

“You know, Abby, I’m still not well because of what Gerald said to you” from closing my eyes, I opened my eyes again. Ramdam ko na hindi pa rin siya maayos, ramdam ko iyon sa boses niya dahil doon. Kahit naman ako ay hindi pa rin maayos. “I don’t want this kind of problem in our relationship, I don’t want you to be disrespected by other people who I know have a connection with me. But now that it’s gone, it’s even more inappropriate”

Bahagya akong lumayo sa dibdib niya at tumingala sa kaniya at nakatingin na rin siya sa akin. Kitang-kita ko ang pag-aalala at pagkabahala sa mga mata niya. Inangat ko ang aking kamay ko at hinawakan ang kaniyang pisngi.

I caressed her cheek with my thumb.

“Maxl, I’m sorry, Yes, it hurts but it’s not your fault and I understand why you’re sorry and why you’re telling me this.” Sandali siyang pumikit at muling dumilat. Mas inilapit ko pa ang mukha ko sa kaniya.

Ramdam ko naman talaga jung saan siya nanggagaling at kung bakit ayaw niya pa rin hanggang ngayon sa mha narinig niya kay Gerald kanina tungkol sa akin.

Dahil kahit naman ako kung may nagsabing ganon sa kaniya na may koneksyon sa akin ay hindi ko rin magagwang matahimik dahil masakit at hindi siya narespeto sa akin dahil partner ko siya.

“Maxl, I am fine, we’re fine, okay? Naiintindihan ko kung ano ang gusto mong sabihin at kung anong sinasabi mo. Kahit ako mangangako na hindi ko rin hahayaang maranasan ko pa iyon ulit…”

Tumitig lang siya sa akin. Her puffiness eyes are still attached. Gumalaw ang labi niya.

“Promise, Abby, That will never happen again and you will never experience that again.” Matamis akong ngumiti sa kaniya at muling hinaplos ang kaniyang pisngi gamit ang hinlalaki ko.

“I respect you so much that I want everything not to disrespect you…”

Chapter 13

Kinabukasan ay maaga akong nagisingg, tulog pa si Maxl na katabi at nakayakap sa akin. Mamaya pa naman ang klase namin pero kailangan ko na ring bumangon upang makapag almusal na. Lalo na si Maxl na nandito ngayon sa tabi ko.

Dahan-dahan akong bumangon, inalis ko rin ang mga kamay niya sa akin. Bumangon na ako at lumabas na ng silid. Nasilayan ko pang mahimbingg talagang natutulog si Maxl.

Nagluto ako ng fried rice, eggs at tocino. Ang fried rice naman ay hinalo ko sa sarsa ng tocino, natutunan ko iyon sa dati kong yaya noong bata pa ako. Siya kasi noon ang kasama ko noong mga abala pa talaga ang mga magulang ko sa trabaho.

Napangiti ako nang matapos ako sa pagluluto. Unang beses ko rin kasing naghain ng ganito para sa bagong tao sa buhay ko. Sarap pala sa pakiramdam, alam ko kung gaano ako nasisiyahan habang inihahanda iyon sa lamesa.

Ngayon ko lang kasi naranasan maging ganito, ngayon ko labg naranasan ang mga ganitong pkairamdam na gusto kong gawin para sa isang tao. Sa taong alam kong gusto kong makasama sa buhay ko kahit ilang dekada pa.

Pinicture-ran ko pa iyon habang ngiting-ngiti pa rin bago ako pumasok sa kwarto. Nadatnan ko si Maxl na bumabangon na, mas lalo akong napnagiti dahil ang ganda niya pa rin kahit ang gulo ng buhay niya at halatamg puyat taaga pero maganda naman ang gising.

“Good morning” masayang bati ko kaya kitang kita ko ang pag-angat niya ng tingin sa akin. Hinawi niya ang buhok niya at kinukusot ang mga mata. “How’s your sleep?” Lumapit ako at umupo sa tabi niya.

“Good morning, abby…” lumapit siya sa akin. Niyakap ako sa baywang at ginawaran ng matagal na halik sa gilid ng noo ko. “I’m sorry, late akong nagising.” Yumakap ako pabalik habang hinahagod ang kaniyang likod.

“Ayos lang, ant himbing nga ng tulog mo eh.” Natatawang sabi ko, natawa na rin siya at mas lalong yumakap sa akin. “Nagluto akong almusal natin, fried rice, eggs and tocinos.”

“Tocino?” Tanong niya kaya mas lalo akong natawa. Hindi niya pala iyon alam. Laking mayaman talaga ang isang ito. “Is that delicious? I want to taste it”

Tumango ako sa braso niya. “Sure, so halika na?” Bumitaw ako sa kaniya kaya naging magkaharap na kaming dalawa.

Ang tamis na naman ng ngiti niya habang namumungay na naman ang mga mata sa akin.

“Let’s eat, I’m hungry.” Nauna akong tumayo, hinintay ko siya dahil gusto kong masuklayan ang buhok niya kahit pa hindi siya maabot sa tangkad niya. “Abby.”

Tawag niya nang kunin ko ang suklay sa side table at sinusuklayan ko ang kaniyang buhok.

“I have something to tell you, Maxl.” Nakangiting sambit ko. Tanging sa salamin niya lang ako nasisilayan habang nagsasalita ako.

“Go on, Just tell me everything.” Tamis niyang ngiti.

“Did you know earlier while I was cooking, I felt so happy at first I didn’t even know it but I realized I was happy because it was the first time I was doing something for someone new to my life.” I couldn’t help but smile while talking. “It’s the first time I’ve cooked breakfast for someone, for you, and it’s a happy feeling because I know that what I’m doing is something I want to give to you…”

Nanatili siyang nakatingin sa akin sa salamin. Kahit hindi pa siya nagsasalita ay kitang kita ko naman ang pagkabuhay at dagdag na saya sa kaniyang mga mata.

“Sana hayaan mo ko gawin ang lahat ng ito para sayo. Katulad naman nito sinusuklayan kita, gsuto ko kasi habang may ginagawa ka para sa akin ay ganon din ako, magbigayan tayo dahil ganon naman dapat sa relasyon.”

Tapos na akong masuklayan siya kaya siya naman ang humarap sa akin. Inabot niya ang aking kamay at hinawakan.

“Thank you so much, Abby, I understand everything you’re saying and the joy you’re feeling right now. I’m happy because I know I’m the reason why you’re so happy. I won’t let you down to experience something else with me, because you’re with me.” Tamis na tamis akong ngumiti sa kaniya. Sobrang saya ng puso ko, sobrang saya na naman dahil sa kaniya. “I hope you don’t stop me from the things I want to do for you, I want to do with you. Because I will be more at peace if I’m with you.”

Muli siyang lumapit sa akin at hinalikan ako sa noo nang sobrang tagal. Pumikit ako at kuling dinamdam ang halik niya sa akin.

Ngayon ko lang ito naramdaman, hinding hindi ko hahayaan ang lahat ng ito na mawala.

“Let’s love each other with peace and respect. I will be a good partner to you, whether you tell me or not.”

Isang matamis na naman ang ngiting binigay namin sa isa’t-isa bago kami lumabas ng kwarto. Hinayaan ko magmumog muna si Maxl sa lababo bago lumapit sa lamesa.

“It’s delicious, Baby.” Naging malapad na naman ang ngiti niya habang papaupo. “Amoy palang, masarap na masarap na…”

Umupo kami na magkatabi. “Sabi ko sayo, masarap iyon. Yung fried rice naman hinalo ko yan sa sarsa ng tocino. Mas masarap kasi.” Kwento ko habang inaasikaso niya ang pagkain namin. Nilagyan niya ng fried rice, itlog at tocino ang plato ko bago ang sa kaniya. “Magpakabusog ka, marami akong luto.”

“Sure, baby, thank you so much.” Muli siyang humalik sa aking pisngi. “Let’s pray before eat.”

Mas lalo akong ngumiti. Nagdasal kami bago kumain. Mas ramdam ko talaga ang buhay kapag kasama ko siya, kamig dalawa lang.

Habang kumakain ay nagkukwentuhan lang kaming dalawa. Para kasing hindi buo ang araw naming dalawa nang hindi kami nagkukwentuhan, magkasama at walang oras sa isa’t-isa.

“Baby, Now that we’re in a relationship. Can you imagine what problems might come to us? I mean, isn’t it normal to have problems in a relationship? Kasi mayroon naman talagang ganon.” Kita ko pang natigilan siya sa pagkain. Napatingin ako nang husto sa kaniya bago niya ako nilingon.

“We don’t know what problems we may experience in our relationship. But the problems that are normal are that we have tampo into each other, someone is jealous or maybe it’s time and our availability to each other” She stared at me. Parang nagsisis pa akongg naitanong iyon dahil parang may sinasabing iba ang mga mata niya.

“Sorry, natanong–”

“It’s fine, baby, just ask me everything, okay? You are not insensitive to anything you ask me because I know you want and need my answer.” Sumubo ako ng pagkain. Nakatingin pa rin siya sa akin.

Bilib talaga ako sa takbo ng isip niya. Yung nararamdaman ko palang pero nauunahan na niya agad ako sa mga salita niya. Parang nakikita niya at ramdam niya pakiramdam ko at nasa utak ko.

“Ikaw? Wala ka bang gustong itanong sa akin?” Tanong ko sa kaniya. Naubos na niya ang nasa plato niya kaya kumuha pa siya ulit.

“Yes, I just want to ask, if we ever have a lot of problems but not in our relationship, what do you think we can do for each other?”

I kept quiet. Because I know even if she doesn’t say it, I know it means something to her family. Family niya na hanggang ngayon hindi niya binabanggit sa akin, yung Daddy niya, yung naging reaksyon niya nong nalaman niyang may kapatid siya.

Walang problema sa akin kung may hindi maganda sa pamilya niya pero ayokong maramdaman niyang nag-iisa lang siya at walang masasandalan.

“Maybe what we can do is sympathize, follow each other’s wishes, we won’t run out of space there either…” Mahinang sambit ko. Napatigil siya sa pagkain, kinabahan naman ako dahil parang may pumasok sa isip niya bigla dahil sa sinabi ko.

“About space, do you believe that space is not necessary in a relationship?”

I smiled at her, I held her arm. “Baby, it doesn’t mean that we want space in the relationship, it doesn’t mean that we are too far from each other, it doesn’t mean that we are going to abandon each other.” I saw her nod, she gently held my hand that was holding her arm. “What if we just need space to breathe? Because we are different, if in some relationships they don’t want it but in other relationships it’s fine.”

“Is that all right for you?” she asked me. Maliit akong ngumiti at tumango sa kaniya.

“Of course, because if you ever ask for space from me, I will understand that, I know what you mean. Maxl, I want even if we are in a relationship, I want us to grow individually, that we grow separately in things that we want while we are in a relationship. Do you understand that?” Kita ko muli ang pamumungay ng mga mata jiyang nakatignin sa akin. “Gusto kong gawin mo yung mga bagay na gusto mo, nang mag isa ka at minsan hindi mo ko kasama pero magkarelasyon pa rin tayo.”

“I understand, Abby. You preceded me in what I wanted to say. I want you to be free while we’re together, you can do the things you want even if you’re alone and I’m not with you because I know that after we finish understanding ourselves, the two of us will still be the ones in the end doing things for to both of us, for our relationship.”

Hindi ko maiwasang hindi maging emosyonal. Kita ko naman bahagya siyang napangiti. “Oh, you’re about to crying…”

Dumikit ako sa braso niya at dun ako sumiksik. Naiiyak ako kasi sobrang lalim ng usapan naming dalawa. Sobrang ramdam namin kung anong sinasabi ng isa’t-isa. Kung ano iyong mga gusto naming gawin for each other.

“We just want the same thing, Baby, we want our relationship to be good. It’s not bad that we talk like this now that we’re new, but it’s better that way because we’re considering what can happen and how each other will feel”

I don’t think my heart and I will be happy now that we’re talking like this. Now we feel each other better and the words we want to say. This is the feeling when you know that everything you say to someone makes sense, that she understands and knows what you want and feel. It’s more peace like this because you know she doesn’t just throw away the things we’re talking about and doesn’t ignore each other’s feelings.

“I love you…”

“I love you so much, Abby, so much”

Hanggang sa pagpasok ay magkasama pa rin kaming dalawa. Hindi lumalayo sa isa’t-isa at parang wala na nga kaming space sa lagay na ito.

“Baby.” tawag ko sa kaniya. Nilingon niya ako habang naglalakad kami sa garden papasok ng isang building kung nasaan ang room namin.

“Yes, ganda?” Natawa naman ako dahil ang cute ng pagkakasabi niya ng ganda sa akin. Ngumuso naman siya at bahagyang kinurot ang pisngi ko. “Laughing at me again, huh?”

“Let’s date on Saturday?” Nakangiting sambit Kita ko naman ang pagliwanag sa mukha niya. Sa akin lang talaga siya ganito, akin lang ang soft side at childish side niya. Akin lang.

“Really? Where?”

“Garden? Dyan sa Vista ninyo, diba may Garden na pwedeng tambayan? Picnic!?” Nang marealize ko ang gusto kong sabihin.

“Oh, you want us to have a picnic in the vista garden?” She happily asked me. “If that’s what you want, I want it too.”

“Talaga? Papayag ka?”

“Always, baby…”

Natigil ang tawanan at pag uusap naming dalawa nang biglang sumulpot si Elijah.

“Hoy!” sabay pa kaming napatapon ni Maxl sa gulat. Nang makita ko nang tuluyan mukha ni EJ ay kumunot ang mukah ko. Natahimik naman si Maxl ba nakatingin din sa mukha niya.

“Tangina, anong tingin yan?” Bakas sa mukha niya ang irita pero napahaplos na lang sa pisngi niya. “Oh ano? Kita mo mukha ko, Abby? Si Lia lang naman sumampal sa akin!”

Napanganga ako nang bahagya.

“Why did she slap you, EJ?” it was Maxl who asked her. Mas lalong bumusangot ang mukha niya, ginulo pa niya ang buhok niyang naiirita pa rin.

“Sinabihan na naman akong mayabang, babayaran ko na nga iyong taxi niya papunta dun sa kabilang Univ. Sinampal pa ko.”

“Ha? Dyan sa Luvnista University siya nag-aaral?” gulantang tanong ko. “Kailan pa siya diyan? At ano ikaw ang magbabayad? Bakit sabay ba kayo?”

Umiling siya. “Hindi, nakita ko kasi siya nong papasok na ako sa parking lot, edi bumaba ako para lapitan siya at ako na ang magbabayad.”

“Eh baka naman may pambaya–”

“Kulang iyong pera niya, Ano ba kasing mali sa akin? Ang init ng ulo niya, nagmamagandang loob lang naman ako!”

Pumagyak pa siya sa damuhan. Bakas talagang nabadtrip siya dahil kulang na lang pati leeg niya maging kamatis na.

Nilapita naman siya ni Maxl at hinawakan sa braso.

“EJ, maybe you did something she didn’t like that’s why she’s so angry with you?” Humarap naman sa kaniya si Elijah, hindi ko pa maiwasang matawa dahil nagmukha siyang maamong aso na parang iiyak na.

“Anong nakaktawa?!” sigaw niya sa akin kaya mas lalo akong tumawa nang tumawa. “Grabe ka na, Abby!”

Lumingon siya kay Maxl. “Meron pero hindi ko naman sinasadya, may palayan kasi kami sa Vista Vijandros, doon nagwowork ang papa niya. Nasagi ko siya sa butt, hindi ko siya sinasadya!”

“Ha? WAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA” lalo akong humagalpak ng tawa. Kita king gusto na niya akong patingin sa tingin. “Kasalanan mo pala.”

“Eh hindi ko nga nakita siya sa likod ko! Akala niya nanamantala ako!”

“Galit na sayo iyon, suyu—”

“Suyuin?! Para ano? madagdagan tong pamumula ng mukha ko?!”

Pinigilan na kami ni Maxl. “Baby, I’ll talk to EJ, okay? Just stop laughing at her…” masuyong akong sinabihan ni Maxl. “Andy and Jerico are here, babalik kami agad.”

Tumango ako at ngumiti. Lumayo sila sa amin at nasa may giitna ng garden pumunta.

Siya namang lumapit sa amin sila Andy at Jerico, parang mga liwanag dahil literal na nagliliwanag ang mga mukha.

“Ano? Magkwento kayo, bakit ganiyan mga mukha ninyo? Si Ej pulang pula sa galit pero kayo ang aliwalas ng mukha.”

“Kasi itong si Andy, sinundo raw ng crush niya, nagkasabay lang kami nito sa entrance!” Si Rico na kinikilig na nagkukwento. Kita ko naman si Andy na ngayon ay namumula na ngayon.

“Sinundo ka? Bakit?” Tanong ko kaya ngumuso siya sa akin.

“Napadaan—” pinutol ni Rico ang sasabihin niya.

“Napadaan?! Sige, sabi mo eh!”

Lumapit ako kay Andy at niyakap siya. Baka magaya siya kay Elijah na grabe ang galit ngayong umaga dahil si Rico naman ang nang-aasar sa kanilang dalawa.

“Shh, hayaan mo na iyang si Rico, baliw na yan.”

“Ano? Abby, naririnig kita!” sigaw nito kaya halos mapatakip ako sa aking tenga.

“Baliw na iyon, Si Ej sabi mo galit na galit? Anong nangyari?” Tanong sa akin ni Andy.

“Sinampal daw ni Lia.” Saglit silang natahimik, nagkatinginan bago humagalpak ng tawa kaya hindi ko maiwasang napatakip ng bibbig. Kawawang Elijah talaga.

“S-Sinampal? WAHAHHAHAHAAHAHHAHA!” Si Rico na tawang tawa pa. “Bakit? Bakit na naman siya sinampal?”

“Ang yabang niya raw, siya raw kasi nagbayad ng taxi ni Lia na dyan lang sa Luvnista nag—”

“Hala, Gago! Dyan siya sa Luvnista nag-aaral?!” Sigaw ni Andy sa mukha ko. “Sabihan ko nga si Ej na puntahan natin si Li—”

“Ano?! Bakit natin siya pupuntahan?!” Natahimik kaming tatlo nang marinig ko na naman ang sigaw ni Elijah. “Napipikon na talaga ako sa babaeng iyon, nananampa—”

“Hoy, Vijandros!” Napatingin kami sa babaeng tumawag sa apelyido ni Elijag, isang babaeng puti, kasing tangkad ni Andy, may ikling buhok at maganda talaga siya, sobrang ganda niya kaya pala sinampal niya si Elijah.

Naglalakad ito papalapit sa amin, kitang-kita ko ang inis sa mukha nito habang tinuturo si Ej.

“Ito! Ayan iyong binayad mo sa Taxi!” sigaw niya sa mukha nito. Dinuduro pa niya si Elijah.

“Ano? Bayad na, bakit mo binabalik? Hindi ko kailangan ng pera mo, ikain mo na—”

“Mas lalong ayokong magkautang sa manyak ka ka—” Kaagad na tinakpan ni EJ ang bibig ni Lia. Sigurado akong si Lia ito dahil taxi na iyong pinag-uusapan.

Napatingin ako kay Maxl na nakatingin sa kanila. Parang naaawa na hindi ko mawari kasi si EJ na naman ang pinuntirya.

“Hmm!” tinanggal nito ang kamay ni Ej sa bibig niya. “Huwag—”

Mas manlaki ang mga mata namin nang halikan siya ni Ej sa labi. Gulat na gulat at halos manlaki ang mga mata nito sa ginawa ng kaibigan ko.

“Hindi ako manyak, Lia, hindi ko sinasadyang mahawakan ka sa palayan, hindi ko iyon gagawin sayo dahil gusto kita…”

Chapter 14

TRIGGER WARNING:

This chapter contains descriptions of blood resulting from abuse and the use of explicit language.

“PUNYETA!” Isang malakas nasampal na naman ang tumama sa kabilang pisngi ni Elijah, ngayon ay dalawang pisngi na niya ang namumula. Matatalo na ng kamatis ang pagmumukha niya ngayon sa sobrang pula.

Lumapit si Andy kay Elijah at hinawakan nito ang kamay ni Elijah na nakahawak sa pisngi nya. “Gago, huwag ka na magsalita, hindi ka na mananalo.”

Pulang pula si Lia, hindi ko alam kung galit ba iyon pero kita ko kasing may kakaiba sa mga tingin Nina habang nakatingin kay Elijah at Andy.

“Ej, bakit ka kasi nanghahalik, nasampal ka na naman” dagdag ni Rico, ako naman ay tignan si Lia na ngayon ay namumula pa rin.

“Lia, pasensya na ha? Pasensya na sa kaibigan ko pero totoong sinasabi niya na hindi ka niya pinagsamantalahan o hindi niya rin sinasadya iyong nangyari sa Inyo sa palayan.” Mahinahon na sambit ko. Napatingin naman siya sa akin. “At kung iniisip mo piangtatanggol ko siya, Oo, dahil naniniwala akong hindi ka Nina pinagsamantalahan, hindi siya ganoong tao. Pasensya na talaga…”

“Lia” tawag ni Elijah sa kaniya. “Halika na, ihahatid na kita sa—”

Bigla na lang tumalikod si Lia kaya natigilan pa si Elijah bago muling nilapitan si Lia. “Lia—”

“Huwag mo na akong ihatid, kaya ko ang sarili ko.”

“Per—”

“Huwag na.” Naglakad na ito papuntang exit palabas ng campus namin. Nakasunod lang ang tingin namin sa kaniya hanggang sa mawala siya sa paningin namin dahil lumiko na siya.

“Elijah” Tawag ko. Bumuntong hininga naman siya nang tawagin ko siya. “Kausapin mo na lang kapag alam mong nalamigan na siya.”

Tumango sa akin si Elijah at napahaplos na lang sa kaniyang mukha. Inis na abaling siya kungg saan lumabas si Lia kanina.

Hinantid na kami ni Maxl sa room namin. Mas nauuna naman ang room namin kaysa sa studio nila.

“Uwi ka na mamaya?” hinawakan ko ang kamay niya at tumingala sa kaniya. Kami na lang ang naiwanan sa corridor dahil pumasok na ang mga kaibigan ko. “Kailan tayo magkakasama?”

Ngumisi na naman siya sa akin. Sobrang tamis at iba na naman ang dala ng mga ngiti niya sa pusa ko.

“Maybe next week again, Baby…” Ramdam ko ang hinlalaking humahaplos sa aking kamay. “And Maybe next week you’ll meet my Mom.”

Agad na nagliwanag ang mukha ko. Kulang na lang lumabas na rin ang mata ko. “Talaga?! Next week siya uuwi?!”

Tumango siya sa akin at mas lalong lumapit. “Yes, baby, She wants to meet you too…” I love her happy eyes catched me again. “So, Fetch you next week, okay?”

Sunod-sunod na tango ang ginawa ko sa kaniya. “Sure! Balitaan mo ko kay Mom mo, ha?”

“Sure, baby” inilapit niya ang kaniyang mukha sa akin noo at ginawaran ako ng halik. “I love you, goodluck, baby…”

Buong araw ay halos mapunit na ang aking mga labi, abot-abot ng mga ngiti ko ang mga tenga ko sa sobrang lapad. Natatawa na lang sa akin ang mga kaibigan ko dahil maski sa lunch naming dalawa ay nakangiti pa rin ako.

Excited na akong makita ang Mommy ni Maxl. Gustong-gusto ko naman na talaga eh. Naghihintay lang ako pagkakataon kung kailan ito uuwi at kung kailan ako ipakikilala ni Maxl. Kailangan ko na rin paghandaan kung anong ibibigay ko. Gusto kong may maibigay.

“Lawak naman ng ngiti mo.” si Elijah, kumakain sa tabi ko, kaharap naman namin sila Rico at Andy na nag-uusap pero nabaling ang tingin sa amin. “Ano na namang ginawa sayo ng baby mo?”

“Darating na Mom niya next week, ipakikilala niya raw ako.” Kita ko ang gulat at saya sa mukha nilang tatlo.

“Talaga? Hala! Makikilala mo na ang Mommy niya!” hiyaw pa ni Andy sabay hawak sa aking kamay at ginagayway pa ito. Sumabay naman ako sa ginawa niya. “Maganda iyon para makilala mo na ang pamilya niya”

“Oo nga eh, tagal ko ring hinihintay ang Mom niya umuwi rito, abala raw kasi sa London, business nila.” Nakangiting sabi ko. Mas lalo kaming naging hyper ni Andy.

“Oh baka naman ikasal ka na ha!” si Elijah. “Huwag muna, nakakainggit talaga kayo!” reklamo na naman niya. “Kapag talaga ako nagustuhan ni Lia pabalik, who you kayo sa akin tatlo.”

“Siraulo, ayaw nga sayo!” si Rico naman. “Nilayasan ka nga kanina”

Kita ko namang sumimangot na naman si Elijah. “Gago ka talaga, Rico” angal nito. “Eh bakit ikaw? wala ka bang nagugustuhan?”

Sabay naman kaming napatingin ni Andy kay Rico. Sa loob ng apat ng buwan simula nong nagsimula kami ni Maxl mag-usap at magkaligawan hanggang sa naging kami na ay wala siyang nababanggit na karelasyon niya o nagugustuhan niya. Hindi naman siya pala kwento dahil mas intimeresado pa siya sa kwento naming mga babae.

“Wala, tagal na akong walang gusto” sambit nito. “Nagka-gf ako dito, niloko ako, edi naghiwalay kaya hanggang ngayon wala.” Nakatingin lang siya sa mga reaksyon namin. “Eh bakit ganyan tingin ninyo sa akin? ano bang akala ninyo sa akin wala ako–”

“Gago ka, ikaw lang nagsasabi niyan!” Binitawan ako ni Andy at piningot niya naman si Rico. Unaray ito at napahawak na sa tenga niya. “Wala kang puso sa amin pero sa iba meron, loko”

“Aray! Andy! Bunso bitawan mo ko!” Ayan na naman ang asar ni Rico sa kaniya, tinaatwag siyang bunso dahil siya naman kasi ang pinakabata sa aming apat. Lalo siyang piningot ni Andy kaya mas lalo na siyang napasigaw. “ARAYYYYY!!!”

Gusto kong matawa dahil sinadya niya talagang lakasan at may kasama pang pagdadamdam. Natatawa ako sa kaniya dahil halata namang natatawa siya sa ginagawa niya.

Binitawan naman siya ni Andy. Ngumuso si Jerico habang nakatingin siya kay Andy. “Ito naman, sorry na nga”

“Oo na, iyang bibig mo kasi”

“Pero totoo?  Ilang taon ka na bang single?” Tanong ni Ej sa kaniya.

“Apat na taon na” Sagot ni Rico. “Hindi ko na siya mahal ha, baka ayan nasa isip ninyo ha”

“Hindi naman” sagot ko. “Gusto lang naman namin  malaman, nasagot mo na kaya ayos na.”

Muli akong tumingin sa kanila. Muli kasi silang natahimik na para bang biglang may mga naalala at natahimik na rin dahil sa kaibigan namin. Nanahimik na rin ako.

Lumipas pa ang isang linggo ay dumating na nga ang huling araw na uuwi na ang Mom ni Maxl. Ang mga oras na iyon hindi ko maiwasang kabahan. Hindi ko alam pero parang iyong excite na nararamdaman noon para kasing may kakaiba.

Hindi pa ako nakakalis sa apartment ko. Susunduin ako ni Maxl at sa baba na kami magkikita. Naligo ako pero parang maliligo na ako sa kaba at pawis. Hindi ko maipaliwanag, masyadong malala at mabigat.

“Ano ba ito…” tanging nasabi ko na lang. Hinihimas ko ang aking pisngi. Hindi ko talaga alam kung anong gagawin ko. Ngayon  ko lang iti naramdaman para akong mahihimatay. “Wala lang to, kinakabahan lang ako.”

Kinalma ko na muna ang sarili ko. Sakto rin namang nakita ko na ang message sa akin ni Maxl na nasa baba na siya. Muli kong tinignan ang itsura ko sa salamin.

Huminga akong muli at bumaba na sa exit. Nadatnan ko pa si Maxl na nakatingin na sa akin nang makababa ako ng elevator. Sumilay ang ngisi sa kanilang labi kay ahindi ko na rin maiwasang mapangiti.

Sa isang iglap nawala lahat ng kaba ko. Nawala dahil nakita ko siya.

“Hi, Good morning…” masuyong bati niya sa akin nang makalapit ako. Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at masuyo rin akong hinalikan sa noo. “How are you?”

Ako naman ang humalik sa pisngi niya. “Good morning, I’m fine, how are you?” Yumakap ako sa kaniya habang hinihintay ang sagot niya.

“I’m fine, I miss you…” Isa na namang halik ang natanggap ko sa noo. “Mom is waiting for us” Ngumiti naman ako agad.

“Excited na akong makita ang Mommy mo!” masayang sambit ko. Kahit pa kinakabahan ako, ayoko siyang mag-alala at mas lalong ayokong masira kung anong kaganapan namin ngayon.

“Let’s go?” tanong niya at binuksan ang passenger’s seat. Tumango ako at pumasok na. Pumasok na rin siya sa kabila.

Buong byahe ay nag-uusap lang kami. May mga natatanong ako sa kaniya pero tungkol iyon sa Mommy niya at kung magugustuhan ba ako nito.

“Tingin mo, magugustuhan ako ni Mommy mo?” Saglit siyang tumingin sa akin bago muling binaling ang tingin sa daan at maliit na ngumiti.

“I’m sure, baby” Nilingon niya ako ulit. “Don’t worry too much, baby, magugustuhan ka ni Mommy, okay?”

“Kinakabahan lang ako, first time ko kasing gagawin ito, mapakilala ako sa parents mo, sa Mommy mo pa.” Sambit ko kaya bahagya siyang napailing at natawa.

“Baby, it’s Mommy, I already told her about you, don’t worry, okay? Mommy will like you very much” she said gently to me making me smile again. Inabot ko ang kaniyang kamay na nasa hita niya, pinisil ko iyon. ““If only you knew how happy she was when I told her about you”

“Really? Baka sinabi mong patay na patay ako sayo” Natawa kaming dalawa. Nailing-iling pa siya. “Ano, sinabi mo nga?”

“No” Ngiting sambit niya. “Trust me”

Natapos ang usapan naming dalawa nang may ngiti sa labi. Minsan kaming tumatahimik nang ganito, parehas naming nahahanap ang sobrang pagmamahal at comfort sa pagaitan naming dalawa.

I feel like it’s just the two of us, when we’re very quiet and no one speaks I know we’re feeling each other and we’re at peace while doing that. It’s so peaceful, I’ve only ever felt this way. Sobrang gaan at sarap sa pakiramdam lalo na kapag kasama siya.

But as we approached the mansion, I was once again enveloped in intense nervousness. Kagaya kanina, kanina kung paano ko maramdaman na namamawis na ako.

Bago pa ako mapansin ni Maxl ay inayos ko na g sarili ko. Ayokong makita niya akong ganito. Hindi iyon pwede.

“Baby” tawag niya sa akin kaya napalingon ako. Nakatingin siya sa akin na para bang sinusuri ako.

I feel really different. I saw that she looked at me for a long time before she spoke.

“You’re too anxious and nervious, is there a problem? Are you nervous about Mommy? Do you want to calm down first?” naging sunod-sunod na ang tanong niya. Kita ko sa mata niya ang labis na pag-aalala.

Nalunok ako at unti-unti akong nailing. Hindi ko talaga mapgilan. Hindi ko talaga kayang magtago sa kaniya.

“Baby, ang bigat kasi sa pakiramdam…” tangiing nasabi ko na lang. “Hindi ko alam kung saan ako kinakaba—”

“Maxcil!”

Since the window on Maxl’s side was already open, we heard a woman’s scream. I turned to the front, to the house itself. Nakita kong nagkakagulo na roon. Isang lalaki, at alam kong Mommy at Daddy niya ang nagtutulakan palayo sa binata.

“Fuck!” Bumaba si Maxl at naiwan pa ako. Hindi ko na alam, sobrang kaba na ko, balot na balot na ako nang kaba habang pababa at nakatingin pa rin sa harapan.

I saw Maxcil whose face was full of blood, he had a lot of bruises and couldn’t stand up anymore. His Daddy was holding him pero mas nagulat alo sa sumunod na nangyari, nakalapit si Maxl sa Daddy niya at walang kung ano ay hinila ito at sinipa sa sikmura.

Agad-agd akong lumapit kay Mrs. Ramirez. Sobrang nanginginig na ito at balisang balisa na.

“Ma’am!” tarantang tawag ko at napayakap sa kaniya. “Ayos lang po ba kayo? Sinaktan po ba kayo?” Sunod-sunod na ang tanong ko. Pero ang tanging mga mata niya ay nasa harapan.

“What? You came home to hurt us again?!” I heard Maxl’s furious and full of resentment, I turned to them. “You shouldn’t come here anymore, why? Are you still our father? No, never again!” Ang Daddy niya naman noon ay nakatungo pa rin sa damuhan, hawak ang sikmura nito.

“Maxl! Anak! Tama na!” sigaw ni Mrs. Ramirez na hanggang ngayon ay nakaalalay sa akin. “Ang kapatid mo!”

Hinawakan ni Maxl ang kapatid niyang nahihirapang makatayo, hinila niya ito papalapit sa amin. Hindi ko maiwasang maiyak dahil sa kalagayan ng kapatid niya, sobrang nakaawa at halos hindi ko na makilala ang mukha niya.

“A-Ate…” He called Maxl who was struggling and crying, he was crying…every drop of his tear was with blood.

How could his father do this to him?

“Maxl!” Halos mapatalon ako nang marinig ko ang malakas na sigaw ni Mr. Ramirwz. “Sino ka  pa—”

“And Who are you? You’re just fucker in our lives” Natigilan ito sa sinabi ni Maxl. “Fucker, You fucking shit, I don’t know why Mom loves you before…What a piece of shit”

“Your mout–!”

“I can do all the harm you did to them, remember that”

Everyone was silent, no one spoke because of Maxl’s words, the look, the anger and hatred she felt towards her Daddy, I know and I can’t deny that she can do that. She can do that.

Only now have I seen her like this, only now have I seen that she is capable of doing something that she knows she can get revenge on and that she can’t let go.

Shecan’t get away with something like this, I know that, obviously their family won’t stop until they get something. No revenge is earned.

Mr. Ramirez stood up. Then did I notice that there was blood on the side of his lips. Dahil ba masyadong malakas ang pagkakasipa ni Maxl sa kaniya?

“The kick I gave you wasn’t enough, that’s not all you get.” Maxl said deeply, with too much deep I felt a pain in my chest. I want to cry too but I can’t.

“Try me, Maxwell, I haven’t recognized you as my father since then, you’re even worse now, so you’re also poor for me, remember that” Kitang kita ko kung paano manggalait sa galit ang kausap niya. Sobrang namumula na ito. “And what? your so called utang na loob, baka nakakalimutan mo, you’re nothing “

“So shameless—” Maxl cut off what he was going to say again.

“It’s true, what are you before? You wouldn’t be rich if it wasn’t for Mommy and Grandpa.”

“Shut up! Pagsisi—”

“Hindi ko pinagsisihan na sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon,  sinipa kita at sigurado akong masusundan pa iyan…”

Napalingon kami nang may mga dumating. Maraming kotse at iniluwa noon ang isang matanda. Matandamg hindi ko kilala.

“Maxwell” sobrang lalim ng boses nito, maawtoridad at kitang-kita ang yaman sa itsura nito. “Let’s go home”

Hindi nagpapaawat ang isang ito. Hindi sumasama hanggat hindi nakakalapit pa ulit kay Maxl.

“Tandaan mo, Maxl, ako ang nag—”

“I’m not your child, you didn’t need to take care of me then, that’s your mistake” Muli kumabog ang dibdib ko. Sobrang sampal na sa akin ang  lahat ng nalalaman ko. Ang dami kong nalaman pero lahat nang iyong sobrang kirot sa dibdib ang binibigay. 

“I don’t use your last name, I never did. Because you’re not really a father, wala kang kwentang asawa at tatay kay Maxcil”

“So, try me, try me, Mr. Zamora, see how far I can go…” Maxl’s words were stronger and deep, her voices balanced and sounds like a more than she is.

Chapter 15

Author’s Note:

Sorry I forgot to put the real last name of Maxwell last chapter, but it’s not Ramirez but Zamora. Ramirez’s name is Kristine’s, This is Maxl’s last name and since everyone knows it’s Kristine Ramirez but now it’s Kristine Zamora.

Only Maxwell, Maxcil and Kristine have Zamora name, not Maxl because she never used it and she only used Kristine’s.

Promise, you will understand Maxl’s life better when it comes to her Point of view and about her real family. Thank you so much!

Chapter 14 has been edited, sorry again.

Tahimik akong nasa sala. Nakaupo at nakayuko lang. Sobrang lalim ng iniiisp ko, sobrang kirot ng puso ko sa mga nalaman ko. Kahit kailan hindi ako nagsalita o nagtanong tungkol sa pamilya niya lalo na sa Tatay niya. Dahil ganito pala ito, ganito pala ang nararanasan nila sa kamay nito.

Mapang abuso, walang awa at kayang kaya manakit ng ibang tao lalo na ang anak nito. Sariling anak niya pero hindi niya magawang mahalin nang tama.

I wiped my face. I also covered it and let out deep and heavy breaths. How can I talk to Maxl after everything that happened? And Maxl can still talk to me about what happened because I found out myself and I didn’t mean to find out from her. Magagawa niya pa niya kayang mag open sa akin? Iniisip ko kung among mararamdaman niya ngayong alam ko na at kung comfortable pa ba siyang aminin sa akin lahat.

Pero hindi na importante kung may masabi aiya. Ang gusto ko at gusto namin ay kasama namin ang isa’t-isa sa ganitong pagkakataon, hindi ko siya iiwanan ngayong nangyayari ang pinakamahirap sa buhay niya.

My hands were only removed from my face when I heard the room open. I looked up because it was still on the second floor at nasa ground floor ako kung saan ang sala.

Nakita ko ang mga mata ni Maxl doon. Nagtama kaming dalawa, I can see how her eyes are full of sadness and anger staring at me. Mas ramdam ko pa ang sakit at kirot niya kaysa sa sarili kung pakiramdam.

Tumayo mula sa pagkakaupo. Lumakad ako papalapit sa hamba ng hagdanan. Hihintay ko siya at sasalubungin ko siya. Nasa kaniya lang tingin ko hanggang sa naglagkad na siya pababa ng hagdan.

Mas sa malapitan pa rin pala ako mas lalong masasaktan sa kaniya, nang magkaharap na kami, kitang-kita ko na ang sobrang lungkot at pamumula ng kaniyang mga mata. Iyon ang pahiwatig na kung hindi siya umiyak, nagpipgil naman siyang umiyak.

Hindi ako nagsalita. Alam kong hindi niya naman kailangan kung may sasabihin ako o wala. Unti-unti ko siyang niyakap, dahan-dahan may kasamang haplos sa likod niya bago ko tuluyang niyakap nang sobrang higpit.

Gusto kong iparamdam sa kaniya na hindi siya nag-iisa, hindi ko siya iiwanan sa lahat nang nangyayari at lalo na ngayon alam ko na ang lahat. O kung hindi pa lahat, may iba lang akong nalaman.

Even though we were both very heavy in this situation, when I felt her tight hug on me, I felt like we both became light again. Ang gaan na ulit namin sa piling ng isa’t-isa.

Pumikit ako. I felt her feeling as I continued to caress her back so that somehow I could lighten her heart. Bumabaon na rin ang kaniyang mukha sa aking leeg. Alam kong kailangan niya nito at alam ko kung tuwing kailan niya ginagawa ang bagay na ito.

“Baby, do you want us to rest first?” She is tired, I know that’s why I want to accompany her to rest. She didn’t speak but I felt her nod on my neck. “Okay, let’s go to room?” malumanay kong sambit.

Ramdaman ko ang bahagyang pagbitiw niya sa akin. Unting lumayo kaya nasilayan ko na siya. Hinaplos ko ang kaniyang pisngi at hahagyang ngumiti.

“Sasamahan kita magpahinga, ayos ba iyon?” Even though I wanted to cry because of the way she looked at me, I tried not to show that I was crying because of her condition. She didn’t speak, I was about to lower my hand to hold her hand when she stopped me. Ang kamay niyamg hahawakan ko ay humawak sa pisngi ko at masuyong inilapat niya ang kaniyang labi sa akin.

Bahagya akong nagulat pero agad din namang kumalma ang aking katawan. Pumikit ako at muling dinamdam ko ang kaniyang matagal na halik. I feel like it’s been a while since I’ve felt her kiss because of what happened earlier.

Hinawakan ko ang kamay niyang nakahawak sa aking mga pisngi. I go along with her kisses, her kisses now are more passionate and very eager. Doesn’t let go and doesn’t want to let me go.

“Hmm” I moaned, I was having trouble breathing because she didn’t want to let go of my lips. Dahan-dahan akong lumayo sa kaniya, hinayaan niya naman ako at muli kaming nagkatinginan. Namumungay nag mga mata niyang nakatingin sa akin, puno ng sabik, pagnanasa at pagmamahal ang nakikita ko roon.

“L-Let me breath…” Nahihingal kong sabi ko. Parehas na hindi bumitaw ang mga kamay niya sa pisngi ko at ganoon din ang mga kamay ki sa kaniya.

She was silent, just watching me until I got enough breath.

“Ba–” Pero bago pa matapos ang sasabihin ko muli na naman niya akong hinalikan. I was completely clinging to her arm dahil sa mga oras na ito, hinahawakan na niya ang pang upo ko. “M-Maxl…”

Ramdam kong gusto nniya akong tuluyang yumakap sa kaniya para mabuhat niya ako. Without a doubt I did what she wanted, even if she didn’t speak I could feel in her body and actions what she wanted me to do.

Hindi ako nagkamali dahil tuluyan niyang nilingkis ang mga binti ki sa baywang niya. Bumitaw siya sa halik sa akin at muling bumalik sa aking loob. Ang tanging ginagawa ko na lang ay humihinga, nawawalan na naman ako ng hininga.

She walked to a room at the end of the stairs and we went in there. My eyes almost widened because that room was too big, it wasn’t very like to her and the things in it were not suitable for her age. Kwarto ng kung sinong kasama niya.

“M-Maxl…Wait” Tanging sabi ko na lang nang ibaba niya ako sa malambot na kama. Sa sobrang lambot ay gumalaw pa kaminh dalawa. Tinignan niya ako. “H-Hindi mo ito kwarto…”

Hindi na naman siya nagsalita so I looked at our place. My thighs were slightly spread and she positioned himself between my thighs.

“I want to feel you…” I looked up at her, she spoke and looked at me again as if she didn’t want to lose me. Bahagya siyang yumuko, hinawakan ang kamay ko. “I’m not saying this because of what happened and I won’t do what you think you have to agree to because I’m a mess right now…” Nakantingin lang ako sa kaniya at nakikinig. Sa totoo lang alan kong manghihingi siya nang sorry sa bagay na hindi naman masama sa akin, hindi ikakabawas iyon ng pagmamahal ko sa kaniya.

Pero masaya pa rin ang puso ko, sobrang saya ko pa rin dahil sa lahat ng bagay, palagi akong pasok sa bawat gagawin at sasabihin niya.

“I feel like I haven’t been with you for a long time…” I tightened my grip on her hand. Umiiling ako at alam kong mapapansin niya iyon. “Sorry because you still have to see all that in my family, you still have to know things that I can’t tell you because I feel so heavy…” Nagsisimula nang masira ang boses niya, alam kong ano mang segundo pwede na siyang maiyak.

“I-I’m sorry because I can’t tell you that, I don’t intend to hide it but when I say that I feel like I’m going back to what my life was like, n-naawa ako sa s-sarili ko”

When her tears started to flow, I could immediately hear her crying and I see her body shaking. I went along, I couldn’t stop crying, I could feel how scared and sorry she was for what happened.

Bahagya akong bumangon at niyakap siya. Sinubsob ko ang mukha niya sa dibdib ko. Sobrang higpit, ayokong pakawalan siya, ayokong gawin iyon at maramdaman niyang maluwag lang ako sa kaniya.

We kept crying to each other, especially her cries that she endured for too long, she hid for too long. Her cries that she couldn’t let out before and now it was so painful to hear them all.

Nanatili naman akong hinahaplos ang likod niya. Pinaparamdam na naiintidnihan ko siya at kasama niya ako palagi. I feel the pain in my chest as she continues to cry.

Masakit na marinig at makita siyang ganito. Para akong pinapatay.

I felt her hanggang sa maramdaman ko ang pagluwag ng kaniyang yakap sa baywang ko. Natutumba na rin siya aking balikat kaya muli akong umupo upang maging patay kaming dalawa.

She fell asleep with tears still running down her cheeks. Pait kong pinunasan iyon sabay ng paghalik ko sa kaniyang noo.

“Mahal kita, mahal na mahal kita” mahinang sambit ko bago ko siya naging iaayos at ihiga sa kama.

Kinumutan ko siya dahil ramdam ko ang lamig ng aircon pagtapos ay saglit ko siyang tinitigan, payapa na ang itsura niyang natutulog, hindi na siya nahihirapan. Mas mabuti na rin dahil kahit papaano ay makakatulog siyang matiwasay.

“Magiging maayos din ang lahat…” Hinalikan ko siya nang sobrang tagal sa noo bago lumayo at tumayo na. “Dadalawin ko lang sila Tita at Maxcil sa taas ha?” sabi ko kahit tulog siya. “Babalik din ako, baby…I love you”

Dahan-dahan akong lumabas sa kwarto niya. Ayokong maistorbo ang kaniyang tulog at pahinga.

Paglabas ko ay bahagya akong natigilan dahil sa pintuan ay may nag-uusap. Papalapit na sila at papasok. Dalawang tao ang nakikita ko sa labas bago nila tuluyang binuksan ang pintuan.

Nagkatinignan kaming tatlo. Nakahinga naman ako nang maluwag dahil nakita ko si Ate Amanda ang isang sa mga babae at ang katabi naman niya ang kunot na noong naktingin sa akin.

“Wait, Miss, who are you?” Tanong nito sa akin. Hindi ko siya nasagot dahil sinusuri ko ang mukha niya. Kamukha niya ang Mommy ni Maxl.

Kita ko na naging maagap si ate Amanda sa tabi niya.

“Mom, she’s Abby Del Mundo, girlfriend ni Maxl” Masuyong sabi nito. Nilingon ako at masuyong ngumiti. “So, don’t worry, Mom”

“Oh, You are Abby Del Mundo….sorry. But where’s ate Kristine?” Tanong nito at naging malikot ang tingin sa paligid.

“Nasa second floor po, nagpapahinga po sila ni Maxcil sa kwarto ni Maxl” Magalang na sambit ko. Tinanguan ako nito.

“Thank you, let’s talk later, hija…” Nagsimula itong naglakad paakyat. Si Ate Amanda naman ang tinignan ko dahil nasa harapan ko na siya. “Ate Amanda”

“Hello, Abby” Bumeso kaming dalawa sa isa’t-isa bago bumitaw. “How are you? Nasaan si Maxl?” Tanong nito.

“Ayos lang po ako, Ate, si Maxl natutulog…lumabas ako para po sana dalawin sila Maxcil sa taas.”

I could see the sadness in her eyes, she gave me a small smile before she let me go.

“Sorry, Abby, you still have to empathize with this and know what the Zamora family really is…” Wala sa sariling napalunok ako.

Zamora…Zamora, iyon ang totoong pangalan ng pamilya ni Maxl.

“Mamaya na tayo mag-usap, okay? Dalawin ko lang din sila Tita.” Tumango at ngumiti sa kaniya nang maliit. Hinayaan ko siyang umalis sa aking harapan at hanggang sa makaakyat at makapasok na sa kwarto.

Napabuntong hininga na lang ako. Ako na naman ang nag-isa rito sa sala. Mas ramdam ko pang mabigat ang bahay na ito kapag ako ang nag-iisa.

I decided to just order food. Then I prepared plates and spoons and forks on the dining table.

What time is it but I know we haven’t all had lunch yet. Gutom na ako. Ramdam ko na rin ang pagod. Habang wala pa ang order ay iniwanan ko na muna ang lamesa. Hindi pa bumabalik sila Ate kaya bumalik ako sa kwarto kung nasaan si Maxl.

When I came back she was still asleep. I smiled. I hope that her sleep and rest will reduce the heavy feelings.

I sat in the chair next to her. I held her hand and caressed it gently.

“Ate Amanda and her Mommy are here, I ordered our food so I just got back…” I said while looking at her sleepy face. Ginawaran ko ng halik ang kamay niyang hawak ko. “Just take a rest, baby…nandito lang ako”

I never spoke again. I just put my forehead on my hand that was holding her and closed my eyes.

“I hope I can somehow do something to ease the burden you feel…” Pinigilan kong huwag maiyak habang nagsasalita. “I’m still about to cry because I don’t want to see you like this, I can’t bear to see you go through all this…I wish I could have done something.”

“I hope one day, you won’t be afraid to tell me everything you feel…I hope you won’t avoid me just feeling sorry for you because that’s not what I would do.”

“I’ll go with you, I won’t make you feel that way and even more I don’t want you to feel like you should feel sorry for yourself”

I shut up. I just felt the surroundings. It’s still quiet because I know she’s still asleep and resting. I miss her, I want to let her feel again that I will let her feel me at any time.

Bahagya akong mapagalaw nang marinig ko ang mahihinang katok sa pintuan. Dahan-dahan akong tumayo at bumitaw sa kaniya. Isang beses ko pa siyang sinilayan bago lumapit sa pintuan at bunuksan iyon.

Ate Amanda opened the door for me. She peeked behind and I knew she would only see Maxl there.

“Ate” gumilid ako para mas lalo niyang makita ito.

Saglit pang nagtagal ang tingin niya rito bago bumaling muli sa akin.

“The food is here, do you want to eat?” she asked. I nodded. “Let’s go, they’re still sleeping upstairs”

Lumabas na kami ng kwarto. Pagpasok ko muli sa hapagkainan ay Mommy niya ang naghahanda roon at nang makita niya kami ay ngumiti siya.

I looked at her for a long time because her appearance was really captivating. They don’t look old because they still look like teen.

“Matutunaw na ako niyan, hija” Kulang na lang masamid ako sa sarili kong laway dahiil sa sinabi nito.

Rinig ko ang tawa ni Ate Amanda sa aking harapan. Nakaupo na ako, katapat ko si Ate at nasa gitna namin si Mommy niya.

“S-Sorry po” nahihiyang sambit ko.

“Ganiyan talaga mga taong unang nakakkita sa kanila. Napapatitig. Ganda ng lahi nila no?” katyaw pa ni Ate.

Nagsimula kaming kumain. Muli kaming natahimik, tanging kumakain lang dahil masarap naman ang mga inorder kong pagkain. Ang iba doon ay paboritong chao pan ni Maxl.

“Abby” I quickly turned around. “My name is Angel, Angel Ramirez” I stared at her again as she spoke.

She turned out to be the Angel that Maxl’s Grandfather was referring to when I first came here.

“Abbigail Del Mundo po, Ma–” pinutol niya ang sasabihin ko.

“Tita na lang, Hija” Sambit niya. “How are you? si Maxl ba?”

“Ayos lang po ako, Tita…si Maxl po, nagpapahinga pa rin at tulog. Napagod po”

Muli kaming natahimik dahil nagtagal ang tingin niya sa akin. Maliit lang ako ngumiti dahil nagiging seryoso na naman ang paligid.

“I just wanted to ask what else happened earlier? Was there no one else, just Maxwell Zamora?” She asked seriously. I swallowed because she was so serious.

Nakakatakot pakiramdam ko nanginginig na naman kalamnan ko.

Tahimik lang si Ate Amanda na kumakain. Hindi siya nagsasalita o wala akong naririnig sa kaniya kahit ano.

“May dumating po matandang lalaki kanina siguro po ay kasing edad lang din po ni Lolo Cedric, kinuha po iyong si Maxwell…” magaling na sagot ko.

Dun ko na narinig ang mapaklang boses ni ate Amanda.

“Did they really come back because they couldn’t get Maxwell back?” Napalingon naman kami sa kaniya ni Tita Angel. “Their family wouldn’t survive if it wasn’t for Lolo Cedric”

Kita ko pa ang buntong hininga ni Tita Angel. Umiiling-iling pa ito. Bago muling bumaling sa akin.

“His family also became powerful because of our wealth until now we are also working on a way to recover that and nullify everything.” It started to lighten up. “That Maxwell Zamora cheated on my Sister when Maxcil was three years old, after that he had his own pride but they stole from us.”

“I know you don’t know why Maxl doesn’t know that she has a brother either. Because Ate is hiding it because Maxwell is trying to take the child but he’s just cashing it because like Maxl, he also has an inheritance and that’s from Lolo Cedric’s wife”

Hindi ko na mataoos ang kinakain dahil nakatuon na lang ang aking atensyon sa pagsasalita niya.

Even if Maxl hides their true wealth from me, I can still see it even though there is nothing to show, I can feel it.

“Maxl didn’t even know then that her sister and Maxwell had been separated for a long time.”

I already knew too much that even Maxl knew that she would look for an answer.

Aunt sighed and Ate spoke.

“I know Maxl will tell everything too, she already knows everything since they found out she has a brother”

Pero totoo bang ampon lang si Maxl?

“Sige na, Aakyat na kami ulit. Puntahan mo na si Maxl” si Tita habang hawak ang tray na may mga pagkain na kinain namin kanina. Natira kami noon para sa kanila at kagaya nila ay may hawak din ako noon

“Sige po, Tita, ikumusta na lang po ako kay Tita”

Hindi ko pa madalawa si Tita at hayaan ko na muna ang kapatid nito at pamangkin niya ang kasama niya.

Pagbalik ko sa kwarto ay nadatnan ko na si Maxl na nakaupo, nakasandal habang nagkukusot ng kaniyang mga mata.

“Baby” tawag ko. Binaba niya ang kaniyang mga kamay at tumingin sa akin. Kita ko naman agad ang pag-ngiti niya kaya napangiti na rin ako. Naglakad na ako papalapit sa kanya at nilapag ang tray na dala ko sa side table.

“Baby” tawag niya sa akin kaya nilingon ko na siya nang may ngiti sa labi. Umupo ako sa kama at hinawakan ang kaniyang pisngi. “How are you?”

“I’m fine, Nandito sila Ate Amanda at Tita Angel, dadalawin ko kasi kanina sila Tita sa taas saktong paglabas ko ay dumating sila at kumain na rin ako, ako nag-order nito” Sabay turo ko sa tray kung nasal ang bowl ng chao pan at isang iced tea ang naroon.

I can see the slight surprise on her face but she immediately became proactive.

“I thought Tita Angel was coming home next week, maybe it was early because of what happened” She said gently, she smiled at me again and took my hand that was still on her cheek, caressing it.

“How are you feeling?” I ask.

“It’s okay baby, thank you, I feel better…”

We exchanged and gave silence but the smiles we both gave each other never disappeared. Unti-unti siyang umalis sa pagkakasandal at lumalapit sa akin. Muli naming pinagsaluhan ang halik at buong buong pagmamahal.

“I miss you so much, baby” she said softly as she continued to give me a kiss on the cheek. “Can you sleep here? tonight only” Tumango ako habang nakangiti. Ang cute niya talaga kapag lumalambing siya nang ganito sa akin. “Really? Thank you so much!” Muli niya along binigyan ng halik sa pisngi.

Mahihina along tumawa. Ang cute niya talaga, hindi ko tuloy maiwasang kurutin ang magkabilang pisngi niya kaya siya naman ang tumatawa sa ginagawa ko.

“Please, don’t leave me, baby” Umiiling ako habang nakatingin sa kaniyang mga mata.

“Hindi, hindi kita iiwan, kasama mo ako sa lahat kahit ano pang mangyari sa buhay nating dalawa”

Chapter 16

Hinalikan ko ang kaniyang pisngi. “Don’t worry too much, okay? Kasama mo ko sa lahat, kahit ano pa yan” Masuyong sambit ko.

“Promise?” She asked while holding me.

“Promise, love” I assured her.  “So, please eat?” Kinuha ko ang bowl kung saaan nakalagay ang chao pan na bini ko para sa kaniya, pinakita ko iyon at kita ko ang malapad niyang ngiti sa akin. 

“Wow, chao pan” masayang sambit niña habang nakababa ang mga tingin Nina sa chao pan. Parang kanina lang sorbing lungkot ng mga mata niya ngayon naman ay sobrang saya niya kaya hindi ko mapigilang tignan siya nang sobrang diin sa sobrang tuwa.

“Baby, eat na po” Muling tumaas ang mga tingin niya sa akin, naroon pa rin ang mga ngiti niya habang paulit-ulit na tumatango sa akin. “Kain ka, marami iyan, may iced tea pa” Sunod-sunod naman ang tango niya at inabot sa akin ang bowl.

Nakangiti lang ako sa kaniya habang kumakain siya, sobrang natutuwa ako dahil iyon na rin talaga ang naging comfort food niya, masaya akong makina siyang masaya ngayon. Habang kumakain siya ay tinignan ko lang siya, alam kong hindi na masyadong mabigat ang pakiramdam niya, mabuti naman din.

“Calm down, okay” natatawang pinigilan ko siya. Ngumuso naman siya sa akin habang may kaunting laman pa ang kaniyang bibig. “Baka masamid ka niyan, kalma lang, ito oh, iced tea” Kinuha ko ang iced tea at inabot sa mania, nilapag niya naman sa side table ang bowl. 

“Thank you, baby” malambing niyang sambit at muling uminom. Nakangiti pa rin ako sa mania hanggang sa matapos siyang uminom. “I’m hungry, I’m sorry” She asked while pouting, hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko na hindi kurutin ang kaniyang pisngi agad siyang namula sa ginawa ko kaya natawa na ako.

“Cute mo talaga” mas kinurot ko pa ang kaniyang pisngi bago binitawan. “Go, finish your food, baby”

“Okay”

Until she finished eating, we were both silent, I was just in front of her while waiting for her to finish. I knew she was tired and hungry so I just let her. When she finished, I turned to her because she was already holding my waist.

“Baby, how are you? What did Tita say earlier? Have you visited Mom?” I touched her on her cheek. Umiling naman ako dahil hindi pa talaga ako nakadalaw, dahil alam kong has kailangan siyang makita nila Ate Amanda.

“Hindi, baby, Hinayana ko na muna sila Tita at Ate, may dinner pa naman. Sana maging maayos na si Tita at Maxcil mamaya” paliwanag ko. “Mamaya na lang, naiintindihan ko naman sila Tita eh”

“I’m sor–” pinutol ko agad ang sasabihin niya. 

Wala naman kasing mali, hindi niya ginusto iyon at mas lalong hindi niya hiniling na mangyari iyon sa kaniya at sa pamilya niya. Hindi ko rin naman gustong makita na ganon pala ang nangyari at malaman ang ibang detalye sa buhay niya.

Umiling ako ng ilang beses sa kaniya.

“Maxl, hindi ba sinabi ko na sayo na wala kang kasalanan? Bakit ka nagsosorry? Wala kang ginawa sa akin para magsorry ka kahit pa naiintindihan ko kung bakit ka nagsosorry”

Kita ko ang malalim na paglunok niya. Sobrang diin at tagal non bago ko siya narinig muli.

“I’m sorry, But everything you heard is true. They are not my real parents and Maxcil, he is not really my brother”

I know why she reacted like that when she found out that she has a brother even though she is not actually related to him. Because she is not a bad person to not think if her Mommy Kristine has a brother or a real child.

Dahil kagaya sa Mom niya, tinuring niya rin itong isang tunay na ina at alam kong gusto niya ring ibigay iyon kay Maxcil. Who doesn’t want to have a sibling even if you’re not actually related by blood?

Tumango ako. I know she is not done with what she has to say.

“I don’t know my real parents…” she said softly. I squeezed her hand. “I decided not to look for them because they weren’t looking for me, I’ve grown up but they’re still not there.”

Naiintidnihan ko siya. Hinaplos ko ang kamay niya at tanging pakikinig pa rin ang ginagawa ko.

“I’m fine with Mom and Maxcil, I met Maxcil just last week. I talked to him before he and Mom got home here” Tumango-tango ako.

“Is this what you want to say? If only this is all right. Don’t force yourself to say everything.” I smiled at her to prove what I was saying. She doesn’t want to be troubled and surprised by what she says and what she wants to say.

Ayoko na dagdahan ang bigat  sa kaniya dahil lang gusto niyang sabihin sa akin ang lahat.

“Abby, I don’t want you to sympathize with my family’s mess because I know what we’re about to experience didn’t just happen earlier…” Naging alarma ako bigla.

“A-Ano? Anong ibig mong sabihin?” kinakabahan na tanong ko.

She looked at me for a few moments before sighing.

“His father’s family wants to get Maxcil, he is the only male in his father’s clan, Abby…and they want to get all of Lolo and Lola’s wealth because Maxl has a share in it”

“Lolo Cedric is weak, Abby, he can’t do things like this anymore so I’ll do it”

I swallowed. I don’t know what she’s going to do, if that’s what she means.

“T-Then, ano–” pinutol niya kaagad ang sinabi ko.

“I will fight, I will do everything for Mom and Maxcil, you know that Abby right? The lawyer has tried and everything but still nothing, it fails because they are good and they already have a lot of money, galing sa nakaw”

“What?” Hindi makapaniwalang sambit ko. “Nakaw?”

“Maxwell stole a lot from Mom”

What the

Tumango siya at siya naman ang napahilamos sa kaniyang mukha.

“Babawiin ko iyon bago pa nila makuha si Maxcil.”

Even with money itself, true justice cannot be bought, because I just blinded them with money so the case is always invalid. Maxl also has money, but it’s not like the money from the theft.

“I know Maxwell and his father have other plans. I don’t think even his father looks like money.” Rinig ko ang pagpitik ng dila niya.

Muli niya akong hinawakan at pinatingin sa akin mga mata. Hindi ko maipaliwanag ang lahat sa mga nakikita ko, hindi ko na mabasa kung anong plano at emeosyon ang mga nasa mata niya.

“So please, I know you love me but stay away from me when you know me and my family have a problem…you understand me, don’t you, Abby?”

I didn’t speak immediately. Alam ko kasing hindi ko iyon kayang ibigay. Oo alam kong respeto ang hinihingi niya kaya niya ito sinasabi pero hindi ko siya kayang hindi samaham sa lahat ng problema niya.

Even though my eyes were watering, I stopped it. I want to cry right away because I’m having a hard time sa bilin niya. Unang beses na may bilin siya ang hirap.

“I don’t want you and your family to get hurt, Abby, I hope you understand me…”

I just hugged her. I want to cry and tell her that I can’t do what she wants. I’m afraid I can’t do that and follow through. But I’m more afraid to just keep quiet and do nothing for heror help her.

Ramdam ko ang sobrang higpit ng yakap niya sa baywang ko. Bumabaon na muli ang kaniyang mukha sa aking leeg.

“We’ll be fine, Abby, I promise you that, one day you won’t have to worry anymore…”

Sana nga, sana nga mabilis lang iyon, sana nga maging maayos ang lahat para hindi ako mabuhay sa puro pangamba at pag-aalala.

I chose to take heart. I chose to be strong because until now when we left the room, I could still feel the cold of my body.

I feel heavy. It was heavy earlier but it only got heavier after we finished talking with Maxl. Parang gusto ko na lang umiyak ulit.

“Oh, Abby!” Pinilit kong pasiglain ang aking mukha nang tawagin ako ni Ate Amanda. Si Maxl na muna ang yakap niya habang kumakaway pa sa akin. “Uy, Maxl, haba ng tulog mo mabuti nagising ka pa?”

“Ate naman” tanging sabi ni Maxl dahil halatang inaasar na naman siya ng pinsan niya. “Gusto mo bang hindi na ako magising?”

Nangitii ako dahil parang nandiring tinignan ni Ate si Maxl. “Hindi ka mabiro no? Sakalin kita eh”

“I miss you, Ate…” Muling humalik si Maxl sa Ate niya. Ako naman ay napaiwas ng tingin at tumingin sa hagdanan, naroon sila Tita kasama sila Maxcil.

Kagaya ko, kitang-kita ko ang pagigiing balisa ng mag-ina.

Maxl was like that too but she chose to remove it because she didn’t want me to see and worry about her.

Even though she had nothing to show and say, I was still worried.

Nagtama ang paningin namin ni Maxcil bago si Tita, si Maxcil kasi ang kasunod ni Tita Angel na pababa.

“Oh, Ahmm…Ate, what’s your name again?” This was a shy question he asked me.

I couldn’t help but look at her face. There is medicine in his wounds but there is still a trace of hard and redness on his face.

I swallowed. I don’t know what to feel.

Gwapo siya peri dahil sa mga pasa at sugat na iyon. Natatabunan iyon lahat.

Napansin niya siguro niya ang pananahimik at pag-aaalala ko sa kaniya.

“Her name is Abby, Maxcil” si Maxl ang narinig ko. Tahimik na sila kaya malay kong natitignna si Maxcil.

“Ate Abby…” tawag niya at lumapit pa sa akin. “Ate…I’m fine”

“R-Really?” I tried to hide my true feelings. He nodded at me, a genuine smile returned.

“Opo” Napangiti na ako. “Don’t worry about me, Ate…” mahina ang pagkakasabi niya na para bang sa akin niya talaga iyon pinapahatid. “I’m Maxcil Vincent Zamora po, Ate”

“Oh, Gwapo ng pangalan mo” Narinig ko ang tawanan ng mga kasama namin. Kita kong namula siya at namula. “Abbigail De Mundo, Baby boy” natatawang tawag ko sa kaniya.

“Eh, Ate…baby boy ako?” Mas lalo akong natawa dahil naging kamatis na ang mukha niya, sobrang namumula at nahihiya.

Kinurot ko ang pisngi niya. “Oo naman, baby boy ka ni Mom at Ate Maxl mo…”

Hinawakan na siya ni Maxl kaya kay Tita Kristine ko na binaling ang aking tingin. Sobrang kalmado at masuyo ang mga ngiti niya sa akin, walang pinagkaiba sa binibigay ni Maxl sa akin araw-araw. Iyong ngiti na pinapakalma ang pakiramdam ko.

“Hello, Abby” she called me happily. I looked down at our hands because she held me. “How are you, Anak?”

“Ayos lang po, kayo po? Kumusta na po ang pakiramdam ninyo?” Dahan-dahan kong tanong sa kaniya. Mahina itong tumawa.

“Ayos na ako, Anak. Mabuti at nakausap at nakasama na kita. Tagal kong hinintay eh” Natatawang sabi niya, umalis ang isang kamay niya sa kamay ko at dumapo naman iyon sa aking pisngi.

“Ako rin po, Ang tagal ko po kayo hinintay makauwi at makita. Excited nga po ako eh” Muli kaming nagtawanan.

“Ay halika ka muna dito sa kusina, rito tayo mag-usap” Sumama ako sa kaniya sa kusina. Nasa sala kasi sila Maxl, lumayo na muna dahil abala rin sila mag-usap.

Umupo kaming dalawa. Magkatabi pa kami at tanging kamay niya ay nakahawak sa akin.

“Mom o Mommy na lang ang itawag mo sa akin ha? Naku, girlfriend ka ng anak ko kaya ayos lang iyon.” Nakangiti na naman siya sa akin.

“Opo, Mom, Abby na lang po itawag ninyo sa akin.” Tumango-tango siya sa akin. Sobrang lapad ng ngiti ko, abot-tenga na nga iyon dahil sa Mom ni Maxl.

“Kumusta ka naman, hija? Ang pamilya mo? Kilala ko rin ang mga Del Mundo” Agad na unaliwlas ang aking mukha.

“Opo, nabanggit po ni Daddy noon dinala ko si Maxl ng pasko po” Masayang sambit ko. “Ramirez po ang kilala niya, hindi po sa pangalan ng asawa ninyo..”

Maliit siyang ngumiti sa akin. “Oo, kilala talaga pero hindi sa pangalang Zamora, ikaw palang nakakaalam ng lahat, hija”

Tumango naman ako nang masuyo. Ngumiti na lang ako dahil pakiramdam ko wala naman talagang maupunta kung apelyido ng asawa niya ang pag-uusapan.

“Hija” Muling tawag niya sa katahimikan namin. Hawak niya pa rin ang kamay ko, napa angat akong muli sa kaniya.

“Iyong mga nalaman mo, maaring sa iyo lang iyon?” Mula sa pagsasalita niya alam kong parehas sila ng ibig sabihin ni Maxl.

Hindi ako pwedeng madamay, hindi nila gugustuhing mangyari iyon.

“O-Opo” Ang bagay na iyon ay kayang gawin ko pero hindi ko naman kayang mapabayaan na lang mag-isa si Maxl. Mas hindi ko iyon kakayanin.

Masuyo siyang ngumiti. “Pasensya na, hija ha? Kailangan mo pang makita ang ganoong bagay”

We ended the night happily, I feel like everything that happened that morning was overshadowed by me. It’s better because I don’t want them to be seen as cold.

After that day, my mind will never be at peace. I keep worrying about Maxl and her family. Ezpecially Maxl. Hindi ko na kayang malaya sayo sa tuwing wala namang klase ay palagi na lang ako nakatutok sa cellphone ko, hinihintay kung maayos na ba siya.

Ang mga kaibigan ko naman ay kahit hindi ako magkwento alam nilang may problema ako, hindi na rin sila nagtataong dahil alam kong hindi ko naman iyon masasagot.

Nangako akong walang makakaalam maliban sa akin. Ayoko na dagdagan ang kaba ng pamilya niya at nila.

I’m just trying to focus on me at other times, friends. Nang maging tahimik ako ay naging tahimik na rin sila. Parang parehas kaming namoblema sa buhay ng isa’t-isa.

“Anong kakainin?” Si Rico ang narinig ko, nakatayo siya sa damuhan habang kami ay nakaupo. “Ako na ang bibili”

“Burger, fries and drinks” mabilis kong sagot.

“Carbonar at coke” si Elijah naman ang nagsalita. Ang layo ng tingin niya. si Andy naman ay nilingon si Rico.

“Macaroni, fries at coke, Thank you, Rico”

“Okay”

Wala, matamlay nga kaming apat. Kailangan siguro kapag may problema ang isa, parehas na kaming madadamay na apat.

Narinig ko ang buntong hininga ni Elijah. Nilingon ko siya at nililingon niya naman kami.

“Bigat nating apat ha? Sinong magbubuhat sa atin?” Paklang sambit niya. Totoo namang ang bigat naming apat pero sa puntong iyon, natawa ako.

“Wala, sarili lang natin” si Andy. Nakatungo siya at sumandal sa balikat ni Elijah. “Malalagpasan naman natin ito diba?”

“Ano bang problema?” Hindi ko na maiwasang magtanong. Tahimik kasi namin, parang bigat na bigat talaga kami.

“Bunt–”

“ANO?! ANONG BUNTIS?!” Halos mapatalon na rin ako dahil sa sigaw ni Elijah. Ako naman ay nilingon si Andy, umawang ang bibig kong nakatingin sa kaniya.

“Ano? Buntis ka?” Kinabahan na tanong ko.

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya. “Hoy, hindi! Hindi ako ang buntis!” Sinigaw pa niya iyon sa mukha namin.

“Ano? Totoo ba yan? Gaga ka! Hala bibili ako pregnan—” Hindi na natuloy ni Elijah ang sasabihin dahil tiinakpan ko na ang bibig niya.

Ang lakas talaga ng bibig niya kahit kailan.

“Ej, yang bibig mo!” Mahinang sigaw ko sa kaniya. Nilapit ko pa siya sa akin para masiguradong hindi na siya mag-iingay. “Shh!”

Pilit niyang tinanggal ang kamay ko sa bibig niya.

“Naninigurado lang ako, eh, ano? Mabubuntis ba si Andy? Bakit lalaki na ba gusto mo?!” hiyaw at baling niya kay Andy.

Natarantang umiling si Andy sa amin. Aligagang-aligaga na talaga ang mukha niya, kabang kaba na.

“Hindi! Gago hindi ako ang buntis!” Bawi nito. “Si Ate buntis, naiistress na rin ako dahil hinahanap niya nakabuntis sa kaniya”

“Nabuntis si Ate Anji?” Gulantang tanong ko. “Kailan pa?” dagdag kong tanong sa kaniya.

“Nito lang, nalaman namin” sagot ni Andy. Umiiling pa ito na parang dismayado talaga. “Nalasing kasi, ayan hindi kilala yung nakabuntis sa kaniya”

“Akala ko ikaw ang buntis, Andy” si Ej na nakatingin kay Andy. Kumunot naman ang noo ni Andy sa kaniya.

“Anong akala mo sa akin? Ayoko sa lalaki no” Si Andy naman. Tumawa ako dahil nagsisimula na naman sila.

“Eh bakit? may Aki ka na nga!” dagdag pa nito. Ako naman ay nakakalokong ngumiti kayAndy kaya agad na naman siyang namula.

“At kung si Aki man hindi kami magkakaba—” naputol ang sinasabi ni Andy dahil tumawa si Ej, as in tawang tawa na parang may alam siya tapos kami wala.

“Anong nakakatawa?” kunot ang noong tanong ko. “Alam mo, nababaliw ka na”

“Paano naman kung parehas kami ni Aki” Natigiil na ang pagtatawa niya. Tinignan niya si Andy na hindi na maintindihan. “Grabe ka na, Andy, bata ka pa talaga”

Inirapan siya nito.

I laughed so hard. Nakakatawa talaga ang bangayan nilang dalawa.

“Ibig mo bang sabihin, parehas kayo na intersex?” Tanong ko naman kaya napalingon sa akin si Andy.

“Oo!”

“Tumigil ka, Ej ha!”

“Hala, paano? pwede kami nila Rico tapos ito si Andy pwe—”

“Tangina, anong kahalayan na naman yang lumalabas sa bibig mo, Vijandros!?” Halos mapatalon kami sa sumigaw sa likod namin. Si Rico na hawak na ang mga pagkain namin.

“Akala ko kasi buntis si Andy!” Sigaw nito kaya agad na nanlaki ang mga mata ni Rico, nilingon kami lalo na si Andy.

“Hoy, sabing hindi nga ako buntis! Akala niya lang pero hindi talaga!” Bawi ni Andy.

“Totoo ba yan?” Umupo si Rico sa tabi ko, nilapag sa damuhan ang mga plastic ng box kung saan naroon ang  mga pagkain. “Siguraduhin mo, Andy, tatamaan ka sa akin”

Agad kaming nanahimik. Seryoso na kasi si Rico, alam naman naming overprotective siya sa amin kahit pa nga kay EJ.

“Eh..Oo naman, kuya” si Andy napakamot na ng ulo niya. “Hindi naman eh at si Ate iyon”

Tumang si Rico at nilabas na sa plastic ang mga box ng pagkain. Binigay niya iyon sa amin at bago ang kaniya.

“Rico, may problema ba?” Tanong ko sa kaniya. Hindi pa kami nangangalahati sa pagkain ay para na naman kaming tinapon sa malayong  lugar sa sobrang tahimik.

He just looked at me. Slowly nodding. Bumuntong hininga at nilingon kami.

“I’m getting married…”

“Uh..Tangina” Nasamid si Ej sa kaniyang kinakain nang marinig iyon kay Rico. Inabutan siya ni Andy ng tubig. “Lintek na buhay to, ano, ako at si Abby na lang ang hindi nagsasabi ng problema?”

“Are you getting married? Who?” Andy asked. I’m just waiting for Rico.

“My Ex”  Mabilis siyang nagbaba ng tingin, bumuntong hininga na muli. “I don’t know why my family saw her again, it’s been a while since we’ve been gone” he said softly. “We met last night, I can’t say anything to her, I don’t even want to answer her questions.”

“Anong tanong niya?” Ako naman ang sumagot.

“If I marry her, I promised her before… nasabi ko pa mga yon palibhasa we’re still young” Nanahimik na ako. Hindi ko alam kung ano pa ang dapat kong sabihin, natatakot akong may matanong akong ayaw niyang marinig.

Hinawakan ko ang kaniyang buhok at hinaplos iyon.

“Ida, my family has wanted her for a long time since we were kids, but we also got separated because they moved away from home. We just met again” Sumubo na siya ulit ng pagkain. “Hindi masyadong seryoso ang relasyon namin noon, aminado ako kahit ang tagal non kasi alam naming masyado pa kaming  bata pero minahal ko iyon at ganon din siya sa akin, masyado lang siguro kaming maaga at hindi pa totoong alam ang tunay na relasyon”

“How are you now?” I added to him.

He didn’t speak for a few minutes, took a breath before answering my question.

“I don’t know, I don’t even know if I waited for her because after we parted ways, we didn’t communicate anymore” He ate again. “I don’t know how I felt when I saw her last night”

“That’s enough, I don’t advice kasi baka hindi ko rin magawa…” dagdag niya.

“Dito lang kami kung may dagdah ka pang sasabihin” si Andy. Sumilay ang ngiti ni Rico sa kaniya.

“Alam ko, nandyan lang kayo, maraming salamat”

“Eh ikaw? anong probkema mo?” Lipat ni Andy kay Ej kaya ito naman ang napatigil sa pagkain niya. Kanina pa kasi siya kumakain habang nakikinig.

“Si Lia, ayaw talaga sa akin eh” Ngumuso pa siya. “Pilit ko pa ba?”

“Hindi, wag mo na ipilit yan” mabilis na sagot ko. Nanlaki ang mga mata niya. “Kung tingin mo, ayaw niya talaga, huwag na”

“Eh kung ayaw mong sundin ang  advice namin, makinig ka.lang, wag mong gawin dahil alam naming sarili mo pa rin susundin mo” si Andy naman ang dumagdag. “Basta, intindihin mo sarili mo minsan, okay? baliw ka na ng tanga ka pa baka hindi ka—”

“Grabe ka talaga, bunso” nguso ni Ej sa kaniya. “Gagamitin ko na utak ko, don’t worry”

Sabay-sabay naman silang napatingin sa akin kaya ako naman ang  napangiso.

Kagaya nila au sinabi ko kung anong problema ko. Hindi ko sinabi ang buong mangyari kahapom at maging pag uusap namin. Ang sinabi ko lang at hininga sa kanila ay advice, alam ko namang gets nila agad kahit hindi buo ang problema ko.

“There’s nothing wrong with worrying too much as long as you can still respect what she said,” said Andy. She smiled at me. “I got you, Abby, okay? But you also really need to respect Maxl, especially that’s for you too and if you’re really worried, tell her.”

“That’s right, don’t let your worry swallow you because you’re the one who’s going to have a hard time, if you have a hard time telling Maxl what you’re worried about, we’re here too, tell us whatever it is” Rico held my hair and slightly messed up. “Maxl understands you and you understand her too, that’s enough for you and her to feel each other better”

“Do you understand, Abby? And when you need our help, we are here, we will go to each other faster than anyone” si Ej lang ang huling nagsalita.

Maluha-luha ko silang niyakap na tatlo.

“Thank you, mahal na mahal ko talaga kayo kahit baliw kayo”

I felt the hug of us, they were very tight and I can say that we really depend on each other when there is a problem.

I really feel that no matter what happens to us, we will still be together. We will not leave each other. Talagang handang itaya ang lahat, wala lang maiwanan sa amin.

Chapter 17

Nabahala na ako habang naghihintay sa studio room. Walang tao, hindi rin sumasagot si Maxl sa mga tawag at text ko kaya nag-aalala na ako. Napaupo na lang ako sa sofa, tanging ring lang ang nagagawa ng cellphone niya.

“Shit…” 

Hindi naman ako paranoid o ano pero nang mga oras na talaga na ito, hindi ko na maiwasang hindi kabahan nang sobra-sobra, hindi ko na nga alam kung makakhinga pa ko sa sobrang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko.

“Bakit ayaw niyang sagutin” Napahilamos na lang ako sa aking mukha habang tintignan ang screen ng phone na tinatawagan siya. 

We just talked when I said that my friends and I were done having lunch, she replied right away but we didn’t go lunch together anymore because she still had a class in her minor.

She didn’t answer until my phone just died. I stood up, trying to calm myself down.

Hindi pa nakakalipas ang mga nalaman ko kahapon at mga bilin niya tapos ito na naman ang mga nararamdaman ko, parang nagsisimula na naman akong hindi makaramdam ng maganda. Ewan ko, hindi talaga ako mapalagay kapag si Maxl na ang pinag-uusapan.

Sa hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ay si Aki na ang tinawagan ko. Pero kagaya ni Maxl ay hindi siya sumasagot, tanging tunog lang ang naririnig ko sa cellphone ko dahil walang sumasagot. Tadtad na rin ng chat si Maxl sa akin pero nagdedelivered lang iyon.

I just shook my head because I couldn’t calm down. I’m quick to lose patience when I’m nervous. I thought of chatting with my friends but Ej and Andy went home. Si Rico na lang siguro ang hindi pa nakakauwi.

Natanong ko rin si Andy kung hinatid siya ni Aki pauwi pero ang tanging nasabi niya ay hindi, hindi sila nagkita ngayong araw. 

Napahilamos na ako ng mukha. Lumabas na ako ng room at naglakad sa hallway, wala na rin akong makitang mga kaklase ni Maxl, ibang department na lang ang nakikita ko kaya mas lalo akong nawalan ng pag-asang mahanap at malaman kung nasaan siya.

I was already outside when I saw Rico, walking hurriedly but he didn’t seem to notice me because there were people walking at the same time as me and there were not enough light towers in the garden towards the exit.

“Rico!” I called, he saw me. I immediately approached him. “Rico, ano pang ginagawa mo rito? Akala ko nakauwi ka na” Agad siyang umiling sa akin.

“Nabasa ko kasi chat mo sa group chat natin. Nagmadali na akong bumalik dahil nagpunta lang ako kay Tito” Huminga siya nang malalim. “Kung nag-aalala ka na talaga, halika na, puntahan natin si Maxl?”

“Pero…hindi ko kasi alam kung dapat ba akong pumunta nang hindi niya alam” Saglit pa naming tinitigan ang isa’t-isa. “Hindi kasi siya nagrereply hanggang ngayon pati si Aki tinatanong ko na, hindi rin nagreply”

Masuyo siyang tumango sa akin. “So, what’s better for you, should we go there or no?” 

Ako naman ang bumuntong hininga. Maggalit ba sa akin si Maxl kung pupunta ako sa kanila? Ano bang pipiliin ko mamatay ako sa pag-alala o ang magalit siya sa akin? Hindi ko naman kasi kayang mamili. Unang beses na nagbilin siya sa akin hindi ko pa susundin.

“Let’s…go” Iyon na lang ang tanging nasabi ko. Naiiyak na naman kasi ako, kinakabahan ako sa kung anong magiging reaskyon ni Maxl at mararamdaman niya.

“I didn’t know that it was really hard to make a decision, it doesn’t mean that you didn’t follow Maxl’s wishes, you don’t respect her anymore” My ears were pounding, it was the first time we heard something like this from Rico.

I bit my lip. I felt him grab my arm and pull me out of the campus. Nagpatangay na ako sa kaniya hanggang sa makalapit na kami sa kotse niya. Pinagbuksan niya ako ng passenger’s seat at pumasok naman ako, siya naman ay umikot na sa driver’s.

Inabot niya sa akin ang phone niya. “I don’t know Maxl’s house, we’ll just follow the map” I immediately took it and put the address where Maxl’s house is on the map. After, he put it on the phone stand and we left.

Abot na ang kaba ko, ang lamig sa kotse niya pero pinagpapawisan ako nang sobra. Kabadong babado na rin ako at hindi na malaman kung among dapat kung gawin.

“Calm down even now, you’re getting pale, Abby” I couldn’t help but look at Rico, he looked at me for a moment before looking at the road again.

“I’m so nervous” That’s all I said. But Rico reached for my hair and lightly stroked it.“I know but I don’t want to take you to the hospital instead of Maxl’s house, Abby” Napanguso na lang ako at napalunok. Sa sobrang kaba hindi ko na kaya makita sarili ko na sobrang namumutla.

“Malapit na tayo” 

Mabilis lang ang naging byahe namin. Shortcut kasi at mabilis din namang magpatakbo si Rico. Pagdating namin sa bahai ay mas binalot ako ng kaba sa narinig ko kay Rico, nagmamadali na siyang Humana.

“Shit, nandito kotse ni Aki” Ako naman ay sumunod na. Totoo ngang nandito yung kotse ni Aki pero may gasgas na iyon, sobrang dami kaya mas tumaas na naman ang kaba sa dibdib ko.

“Abby” Nagalaw lang ako nang hatakin ako ni Rico, nakabukas ang pintuan ng mansyon kaya dali kaming sumilip.

But I almost fainted from what I saw, it was so messy inside, broken glasses, tables and whatnot. I can’t even see that there is any good stuff there because it’s so messy.

We still heard a crash upstairs. Hinila na naman ako ni Rico. Kung kanina hindi ko pa ramdaman ang putla, mas naramdaman ko ngayon. 

Nasa hagdanan kami nang may mga nakita kaming apat na kalalakihan ang nakahiga, bubog ang mukha at puro dugo na ang bumabalot sa mukha nila. Napatakip ako sa bibig ko habang tinitgnan iyon.

Tuluyan na talaga akong maiiyak.

“Tanging, Abby, lumayo ka!” Hinatak ako ni Rico nang gumalaw pa ang isang lalaki sa gilid ko pero nahawakan ako nito sa kamay at hinila. “Abby!” 

Fuck

Mabilis akong umilag nang isalag niya sa akin ang kutsilyong hawak niya. May dugo na iyon, amoy ko pa ang lansa dahil para mas gustuhin kong lumayo sa kaniya. Nahugot ako ni Rico sa mania, tinadyakan niya ito at binalibag sa pinakahuling baitang ng hagdan. 

Ganon din ang gnaw niya sa ibang lalaki. bumabangon pa ang mga ito. Hindi ko maiwanan si Rico na binabalibag ang mga iyon at sinisipa pababa. Mas lalong nababasag ang mga nakatambak na gamit dahil dito sila bumabagsak.

“Rico!” I pulled Rico para tuluyan kaming makaakyat. The entire second floor was full of blood in the hallway, there were guns scattered and baseball bats there.

“Abby, where is Maxl’s room?!” Sa sobrang tulala ko non ay hindi ko masagot si Rico, nakatingin ako sa mga dugo at nakakalat na gamit. “Fuck, Abby!” Muli niya akong hinaltak, bumunggo na ko sa kaniya at lahat pero hindi pa rin ako makapagsalita. “Abby, nasaan nga si Maxl?!”

Lumina na ako sa paligid, bukas ang kwarto niya sa second floor pero tanging mga magugulong gamit lang ang baron, walang tao at mas lalong wala roon si Maxl. Bumitaw na ako kay Rico na tingin ko ay iaabot ang baseball bat na nasa paa niya lang. 

“Teka, Abby, huwag kan lumayo!” Hindi ko siya pinakinggan, pumasok ako ulit sa isang kwarto walang tao roon, wala na namang tao at puro kaguluhan na naman ang nakita ko roon. 

Nasaan sina Tita at Maxcil? 

Fuck this! Nakuha ba sila ni Maxwell? Aligaga akong umakyat pa sa third floor, nararamdaman ko ang pagsunod na takbo ni Rico sa likod ko. Pagdating ko roon ay wala pa ring tao, tanging magugulong baggy lang ang nakikita ko roon.

“Abby!” Naririnig ko ang hingal sa boses ni Rico, parehas na kaming nahihingal nang tumigil ako para haramın siya. “Abby…walang tao dito” hingal na sabi niya. Mas lalong tumaas baba ang aking dibdib. Halo-halo na ang kaba at takot na nararamdaman ko. “C-Check your phone, please?”

Nangingnig na kinuha ko ang phone ko sa bulsa ng pantalon ko. Nanlalabo na rin ang aking paningin dahil nagsisimula nang manubig ang aking mga mata. 

Bigo akong nakita ang pangalan ni Maxl sa screen ng phone ko. Wala talaga, hindi siya nagreply kahit isa manlang sa akin. Mas lalo akong napahinga nang malalim, napapapikit na ako ất umiiling kay Rico.

“Fuck!” 

It’s like at any moment I’m really losing my mind, I’m really going to go crazy. I don’t know where else to look for her. Wala na akong alam kung scan ko pa siya magagawang makita nang maayos. 

“Let’s go, Abby, Baka nasa likod sila” Hinila ako ni Rico pababa sa ground floor. Umikot kami sa kusina dahil may daan doon palabas sa likod kung saan ang garden nila. Doon ko Minsan naabutan si Lolo Cedric nono nagpunta ako rito.

“Rico!” Agad kong hinila si Rico. Mas marami akong nakitang lalaking nakahandusay sa garden, mas maraming dugo at punong puno na ng mga armas ang nakakalat don. “Jusko!” Iyon na lang ang tanging nasabi ko, bumitaw ako sa kaniya upang mas maturi pa sa paligid.

I smelled and saw nothing but blood and stuff scattered on the grass, it came from the men.I walked quickly, there was a house at the end. I don’t know if it’s still theirs or not but I don’t have to waste any more time, I haven’t seen Maxl yet and I will know more about fear and trepidation when I still don’t see her.

“Abby! Fuck! YUKO!” My eyes almost widened when I saw four men running towards us, they only stopped when they pointed their guns at me.

Puta

Mabilis akong yumuko at patalbog kong dinala ang aking katawan sa malaking bato na nasa gilid ko. Nilingon ko si Rico at malakas na hinila ko siya sa akin upang magtago kaming dalawa at isiksik ang sarili namin sa bato.

Pinaulanan nila kami ng bala. Wala kaming ginawa ni Rico kundi kumapit sa isa’t-isa halos idikit na niya ang ulo ko sa bato mahawakan lang ang ulo ko. I don’t know what’s going on, I think I’m going to die here. Sa buong buhay ko ngayon ko lang naranasan ang ganito.

Maxwell and his family really wouldn’t think twice about killing his wife and son just for wealth and money. Mas masahol pa sa hayop ang ginagawa nila. 

I could only hear the sound of the bullet almost as if I could hear the bullets falling on our body so I couldn’t help but be affected by its heat. Rico pressed himself closer to me. Salag na kung salag pero baon na baon ako ng katawan niya.

“Putangina, ngayon lang ako nakaranasan ng granito!” Naririnig ko ang sigaw niya. “Kapag talaga hindi ako nakalabas dito nang buhay, hindi ako tatahimik!”

Little I felt and stopped the shooting they were doing, the surroundings gradually became quiet. Rico was able to move away from me and gradually peered into the rock to see what was in front of him.

“Shit, they’re coming here!” Rico couldn’t help but scream, he reached for the baseball bat and looked at me. “Get out of here when I make the—”

I immediately screamed, I can’t leave him here, he already felt sorry and worried for me but he still managed to tell me to leave him. Umiiling siya sa akin, hinawakan ang braso ko.

“Kung gusto mo pang mabuhay, Abby, makin—”

He didn’t finish what he was going to say when someone suddenly pulled me. My eyes widened because that man could easily get me. Hindi pa nga ako nakakareklamo kay Rico ay kaagad na akong nakuha ng lalaking ito. 

“ABBY!” Rico shouted, he hit the man holding him and the other with a baseball bat. He did this over and over again until he got away from them. Binaklas niya ang braso niya upang mabitawan siya nang lalaki na humawak na naman sa kana.

“Bitawan mo ko!” Inikot niya ang baseball bat, hinawakan ito sa pinaka uluhan at walang kung anong hinampas ito sa baba ng lalaki.

“Rico!” Sigaw ko. Natumba ang lalaki sa damuhan. Nakita ko pa ang tumalsik na dugo sa bibig ng lalaki na napunta sa mukha ni Rico, ang isa naman ay hinaranagan si Rico papunta na sa akin.

“Bitawan mo ko!” Nagpupumiglas ako sa lalaking may hawak sa akin. Inaabot ko ang kaniyang mukha gamit ang aking kuko, naramdaman ko ang balat niya sa kuko ko kaya hindi ako tumigil na gawin iyon “Bitawan mo ko!” Ulit ko pa.

Kinagat ko ang kaniyang kamay na nakatakip sa aking bibig, napadding siya at mabilis akong nabitawan dahil para bumagsak ako sa sahig, bumawi ako agad at kinuha ang baston na natatapakan niya.

I quickly hit him in his middle and when he bent down I hit his chin with the head of the baston. Kaagd siyang napahiga habang hawak ang kaniyang bibig. Agad akong tumayo at nilingon na si Rico, hinatak ko siya nang makita kong bagsak na ang mga kalaban niya.

“Tara na, Rico!” Siya na naman ang humila sa akın at sabay kaming tumatakbo papuntang maliit na bahat. Patindi na naman ang kaba ko dahil marami pa akong nakikita roon, nasa lima sila na bumabangga sa mga bato dahil tinutulak sila ng kung sino sa loob ng bahay.

Hindi ako makapagsalita nang makita ko si Maxl, malayong palang pero kita ko na ang duguan niyang damit.

“Maxl, naririig ko si Rico at Abby! Nandito sila!” lumabas si Aki hinatak siya at nilayo sa mga lalaking napabagsak niya. “Max–”

“AKI!” Sumisigaw si Rico habang hila-hila ako. Sabay na napalingon sila sa amin. Kitang kita ko ang gulat at galit sa mga mata ni Maxl nang makita ako, halo-halo na ang mga emosyong nakikita ko sa mga mata niya. 

“Anong ginagawa nyo rito!?” I was almost shocked by Maxl’s yelling at me and Rico, I saw her and felt it especially when she looked at me. “Abby!” galit niyang sigaw. “Hindi—”

“Maxl!” sigaw ni Aki. Hinila niya ito palayo sa amin at gumitna siya. “Huwag mo mun—”

“Fuck!” Hinila niya kaming dalawa ni Rico papasok nang bahay. In that house, I only saw baseball bats and guns, I didn’t know that Maxl was hiding something like this except in their mansion in front. Ngayon ko lang nakita ang mga iyon, siguro nga hindi lang iyon. “Stay here!”

“Per—” kaag niya akong pinutol. Her face was red and her jaws were moving as she stared at me. “You have nothing to do but to follow me, so listen to me if you want to get out of here”

I felt at that time, Maxl was very different, I couldn’t see her being a soft person especially to me, very hard and I hardly recognized her. I trembled and looked away from her. It’s like at any moment she’s ready to kill, she’s ready to do things I thought she couldn’t do.

But I can’t blame her if this is what her brother’s family would do to them, for sure any person can do and speak the way she is speaking now. I feel really different that she doesn’t know us anymore.

The four of us were silent, I could see the fear and worry on Aki’s face, I turned around little, I was facing Rico who was looking at me worriedly. I just shook my head at him. Ngayon na siya mag-alala pa, muntik na kami kanina lalo na siya.

“Maxl, naririnig ko pa rin sila” Si Aki, kumuha siya ng isang baseball bat. “Abby, dito na lang kayo” hinawakan niya kaming dalawa ni Rico at dinala sa sulok ng bahay. “Naiintindihan ko kung bakit kayo nandito at naiindihan ko rin si Maxl bakit ganito reaksyon niya” Sa akin ang mata niya sa mga huling sinabi niya. “Don’t worry okay? Magiging maayos din ang l–”

“Lolo is here” Maikling boses lang ang narinig ko kay Maxl. Malamig, sobrang lamig.

My eyes were almost blinded when the front door of the house opened and there were flashlights pointed at us. I can’t believe it but because of what I heard from Maxl I’m sure who they are.

“Uncle” si Aki at nilingon sila. “Uncle, nasaan na ang iba?” tanong nito. Nakatingin lang ako sa likuran niya, hindi ako makakibo dahil iba na naman ang pakiramdam ko, gusto ko na naman maiyak dahil ang bigat ng pakiramdam ko.

I just closed my eyes before I touched Rico.

“Abby, why?” he asked. His voice was worried again. “What hurts you?”

“Ano? Anong ginagawa rito ni Abby?!” Rinig kong sigaw ni Lolo. Nakita ko na siya na mabilis na tinabig si Aki na nasa harapan ko para makita ako. “Abby, bakit ka nan— bakit puro dugo kayo?!”

He starts panicking and screaming. We are covered in blood, Rico’s face with blood still running down his chin and mine on my cheek.

I’m so dizzy. I’m clinging to Rico so hard and can’t stop holding my head. Ang huling nakita ko bago ako mawalan ng malay ang pigura ni Maxl na dali-daling lumalapit sa akin.

I feel myself. I’m awake but my eyes don’t want to open yet. I still feel tired, my body is still heavy especially my head. Pakiramdam ko hindi na ako makakabangon sa sobrang bigat ng ulo ko, Isabay mo pa ang mga boses na nasa paligid ko.

“Maxl, I told you, nag-aa–” Boses iyon ni Elijah. 

“Yeah, please stop talking” Maxl responded to her with a cold voice. I can’t help but feel worried again, I know she’s mad at me and I’m the reason why Rico and I ended up in that situation.

I did not follow her. I couldn’t do it because I was really overwhelmed with nervousness and fear, I know how to feel myself when something is wrong or nothing. How can I explain that to her? Maiintindihan niya ba kapag ako na ang kausap niya?

Hindi ko na sila narinig pang nagsalita, sobrang tahimik na naman ng paligid. Hindi talaga ako masasanay sa ganitong sitwasyon dahil ako lang naman ang naglagay ng granito sa amin. Lalo na ang sarili ko, I feel that my feelings are not valid.

“What happen to my daughter?” Muli akong balot ng kaba nang marinig ko ang boses ni Mommy. 

Everyone around me is already messed up and stuck in the situation I entered, but if they were in my situation, what would they do? Would they do what I did out of worried and fear?

Ramadan kong may hawak sa aking kamay. Hindi nagsalita pero dahil alam ko ang balat na iyon na palaging humahawak sa akin mula bata pa ko, alam ko naman iyon. 

Daddy is very quiet and calm in these situations even though I know he’s worried too, somehow the weight of my feelings are reduced, I won’t feel alone like it’s my fault because I know Maxl hates what I did.

“D-Dad…” I couldn’t stop talking, I opened my eyes and when I opened them, the tears I had been holding back all morning came out.

Chapter 18

Mahigpit kong hinawakan ang kamay ni Daddy, umiiyak na akong tumingin sa kaniya pero siya ay tanging maliit at kalmado ang binigay sa akin.

“Baby, don’t cry and I’m here na…” Malambing niya sambit sa akin kaya mas naramdaman ko ang agos ng hula ko sa gilid ng mata ko. 

I closed my eyes again and cried more. I’m not that sensitive and show vulnerability, but since I met Maxl, I feel like I can show what I really am in many situations, but sometimes I can’t help but feel sorry for myself. Sobrang sensitive ko pakiramdam ko minsan hindi na ako valid na intindihin.

“D-Dad” muli kong tawag pero umiiyak pa rin ako. “S-Sakit ng ulo ko” iyon na lang ang tinging nasabi ko at muling pumikit.

“Pwede na po siya uminom ng gamot, Tita” si Rico ang naririnig ko. “Pero hindi pa po pala siya kumakain” dagdag pa nito.

Wala na naman akong narinig kaya muli akong dumilat. Nakatingin nasa akin sila Rico, Ej at Andy. Nag-aalalang ngumiti sila sa akin, pinunasan naman ni Daddy ang aking mata at lusa. 

“Abby” si Andy ang humawak naman sa kabila kong kamay. “Kumusta na pakiramdam mo? Kumain ka na muna bago ka uminom ng gamot” malumanay na sabi nito.

Ngumiti ako sa kaniya. Hinawakan ko nang mahigpit ang kaniyang kamay, ayoko na madagdagan pa ang pag-aalala nila sa akin.

“Anak” lumapit naman si Mommy sa tabi ni Daddy, hinawakan ang aking buhok at ginawaran ng halik sa noo. “Kumain ka na muna para makainom ka na ng gamot mo”

Tinulungan ako ni Daddy at Andy makaupo, masyado pang mabigat ang aking ulo kaya napahawak na ako roon.

“Isandal mo ang ulo mo, anak” sinandal ko ang ulo ko kahit papaano ay hindi na ito masyadong masakit at nabawasan na. “May binili kaming sisig rice, ito ba gusto mong kainin?” Pinakita sa akin ni Mommy ang sisig rice.

“Opo” Kinuha ko ito sa kaniya. Binitawan na ako nila Daddy kaya malaya na akong nakakagalaw. “Thank you, Mommy”

Ngumiti siya sa akin. “Magpagaling ka, anak. Ang mga pinsan mo nasa labas, naghihintay lang. Lalabas na rin ako para sabihin na gising ka na” Kaagad akong napatingin sa pintuan, may salamin kaya nakita ko ang nakasilip na mukha ng mga pinsan ko, kumakaway pa sa akin si Maya at Agu, nasa likod nila sila Cristal, Joshua at Cris. Hindi ko nakita roon si Valerie.

“Mom, si Valerie?” Tanong ko pagtapos kong kumaway pabalik sa mga pinsan ko. 

Si Daddy ang sumagot sa akin nagsimula na akong kumain. Ayoko na kasing dagdagan kung anong nararamdaman ko, pakiramdam ko ang bigat pa rin at hindi ko manlang magawang ipaliwanag ang sarili ko kung bakit ako naroon.

Hindi ko matignan si Maxl. Natatakot kasi ako na makita ko na namang hindi niya ako kayang makita, hindi niya ako ganoong tignan. I know I can accept that too, especially now maybe it’s even better that I saw that kind of personality and hier real eyes so I can get to know her better.

“Umalis si Val, pumunta kay Lola niya sa papa niya.” sagot sa akin ni Daddy. Ngumiti ako at kumain na lang, maliban sa masakit  ang ulo ko, gutom na rin talaga ako.

I didn’t hear them speak anymore, we were in silence again in the room, I saw Aki come to my bed and gave me a small smile, I also smiled at her. Her arm and cheeks are bandaged and the side of her forehead is the same. I was just looking at her because I couldn’t look at what was behind her, Maxl.

“Kumusta ka?” Tanong ko. Mas lalo niyang nilakihan ang kaniyang ngiti sa akin. 

“Ayos lang ako, Abby, ako pa, matibay yata ang katawan ko.” Tinaas pa niya ang kaniyang braso at pinakita ang muscles niya, tinatapik niya iyon. “Ilang lalaki nga napatumba ko” Tumawa pa siya kaya napailing ako.

Gusto kong magtanong sa kaniya pero hindi naman ako makakuh ang tama, maririnig iyon ng lahat at alam kong gusto ring malaman ng mga magulang ko iyon. Pagkatapos kong kumain ay nagpaalam na sila Andy sa akin, lalabas na sila para ang mga insan ko naman ang makapasok.

“Magpagaling ka, Abby” si Rico sabay hawak sa aking buhok. Maliit akong ngumiti sa kaniya. 

“Sorry, Rico, please also tell Ida that I’m sorry you’re here because of me.” I said softly to him but he just shook his head at me.

“I’m the only boy among us  so I’ll not leave you alone. Don’t be sorry because I’m your friend and I’ll help you no matter what happens” he ruffled my hair again before letting me go. 

Si Andy naman ang humawak sa akin buhok. “Narinig mo ha, huwag kang magsorry mukha namang handang itaya niyan ni Rico buhay niya para sa atin” natatwang sambit into.

“Oo nga, tamo, malakas hindi manlang natamaan” nagtawanan kaming tatlo.

Sunod na pumasok ang mga pinsan ko, naroon na si Valerie na mabilis na lumapit sa akin. Ang huling lumabas ay si Maxl, nakita ko pang tinatanguan siya ng mga pinsan ko at tinatapik sa balikat.

“Abby, kumusta ang pakiramdam mo?” Tanong niya sa akin, umupo sa gilid ko at hinawakan ang kamay. “Nakwento na sa akin ang nangyari, mabuti na lang at hindi kayo masyadong napuruhan.”

Tumango at maliit na ngumiti. “Oo nga pero dahil din naman iyon kay Rico, kung wala siya siguro kung napano na ako”

“Hoy” saway ni Cristal sa akin. “Makapagsalita ka !” Kaagad akong natawa. Napailing na lang sila Agu at Maya habang nakatingin sa akin.

“Nabanggit pa nong kaibigan mo, tinadtad daw kayo ng bala e” si Maya. “Hindi ko naman akalain na sa haba ng panahon at kasamaan sayo ganon pa mararanasan mo”

Lalo kaming nagtawanan. Ang bunganga talaga niya ay walang palya kung minsan.

“Gusto mo yata akong tuluyang umakyat sa langit” dagdag ko pa.

“Sabay-sabay na lang tayong umakyat sa langit!” si Joshua. “Pero grabe, hindi ako nainform na mala-action naman pala ang ganap mo sa buhay!”

“Oo nga, akalain mo iyon, kulang na lang maging si Cardo ka!” dagdag ni Cris. “Walang tatalo kay Cardo”

Muli kaming nagtawanan. Tawang tawa ako sa mga pinagsasabi nila, kulang na lang ay pagtawanan namin iyong nangyari sa akin pero kahit na ganoon ay naging seryoso pa rin sila at nag-aalala pa rin naman.

Hinawakan ako ni Agu sa aking buhok. Hinaplos niya ito bago ko siya tuluyang nagsalita.

“Sa sususnod, huwag ka na mahihiyang magsabi sa amin ha? Kahit malayo kami pupuntahan ka namin”  Matamis ko siyang binigyan ng ngiti.

Sana ay maayos na siya sa nangyari sa kanila ni Travis, hindi ko rin naman gugustuhing makita siyang nasasaktan para lang sa lalaking niloko siya. Hindi niya iyon deserve at wala namang taong deserve ang ganoong bagay.

“Thank you so much” yumakap ako kay Agustina. Hindi ko na naman mapigilang hindi maging emosyonal, sumiksik ako sa kaniya pero siya mas hinapit aki at niyakap.

“Pero alam ko kung anong problema mo” Tumango ako sa aking  dibdib, doon na ako sumiksik at nagpayakap sa kaniya. Kahit naman hindi ako magsabi ay alam kong ramdam nila ako, hindi kami nagsamang magpipinsan para hindi maramdaman ang isa’t-isa.

“Maiintindihan ka naman niya, Abby, siguro nagalit siya sa sobrang pag-aalala sayo” si Valerie. “Pag-usapan ninyong mabuti para mas maintindihan nyo ang isa’t-isa.”

“Oo at kung galit nga siya siguro mas mabuting bigyan ninyo ng pasensya ang isa’t-isa” si Maya.

Hindi ako nagsalita, nakasubsob lang ako kay Agu dahil hindi ko alam kung anong isasagot ko.

“Huwag mong sisipin na hindi ka namin naiintindihan, girlfriend mo iyon kahit naman sino mag-aalala at pupuntahan mo siya” si Cris. “Alam mo, Abby, maiintindihan ninyo ang isa’t-isa huwag ninyo lang unahin ang galit ninyo”

Kahit papaano ay naging maayos ang aking pakiramdam, nandyan sila kahit pa hindi ako nagsasalita, alam naman nila iyon nakikinig ako kahit wala akong sabihin dahil kilala nila ako na mas gugustuhin kong makinig at idagdag iyon sa akin sarili. Sa akin pa rin naman ang desisyon, nagbibigay lang sila ng advice.

Tumatango ako sa dibdib ni Agu. Narinig ko ang mahinang tawa ni Joshua.

“Ang cute talaga nitong si Abby” Naramdaman kong yumakap na silang lahat sa amin ni Agu. Mas lalong naging magaan ang pakiramdam ko.

“Namimiss ka na namin, Abby, sa susumod nanakawin ka na namin sa Univ mo” si Valerie habang tumatawa.

“Oo nga!”

“Kunin na lang natin siya kung hindi na madaan sa matinong usapan!” si Cris. Siya pa yata ang binigsak ang katawan sa amin kaya halos matumba na kami.

Pagkatapos kong makausap ang mga pinsan ko ay isa-isa na silang lumabas. Naroon pa rin naman sila Aki at Maxl, nakita ko nang bumukas ang pintuan.

“Maxl, ikaw na” si Agu ang narinig ko. Alanganing tumayo si Maxl at hinarap siya, nagkatinginan kaming dalawa nang sumilip siya sa likod nito, tinignan ko lang siya at umiwas na lang din. “Alagaan mo baby namin”

Maliit na ngumiti si Maxl sa kanila, lumihis sila pintuan upang makapasok na si Maxl, kumaway pa sa akin sila Joshua bago tuluyang nawala sa aking paningin ko.

Yumuko ako, naramdaman ko naman na pumasok na si Maxl, narinig ko ang pagsara ng pinto.

Katahimikan na naman ang bumalot sa aming dalawa, unang beses na hindi ako naging kumportable sa katahimikan dahil sa nangyari.

Narinig ko ang yabag niya papalapit nang tumigil siya sa gilid ng kama ko ay humila siya ng monoblock chair at naupo roon. Tuluyan ko na siyang tinignan ganoon din ang kaniyang mga mata sa akin.

Sobrang pagod ng mga mata niya, hindi ko na maiwasang mangamba dahil hindi ko na rin masyadong mabasa ang mga iyon. Bumuntong hininga siya.

“I’m sorry” mahinang sambit niya. “I’m really sorry for saying that to you and to your friend…I’m mad but I understand why you did that.”

Hindi ako nagsalita. Hinihintay ko pa ang buong lahat na sasabihin niya, gusto ko munang marinig ang lahat bago ako naman ang magsasalita.

“My attitude towards you are not good and acceptable but I can’t help it, I don’t want you to get hurt, Abby…” Pinahid niya ang kaniyang palad sa pisngi nang mariin. “Don’t do that again, please?”

Nagsusumamo ang kaniyang mga mata, ibang iba ang paraan ng pagtingin niya, sinasabi niya talaga kung ano ang dapat.

“I…I can’t help but to worry, Maxl” Iyon ang sinabi ko, iyon lang naman talaga ako nararamdaman ko kaya ako nagpunta sa kaniya, sa bahay nila. “I understand you but I can’t control my emotions lalo na kapag nag-aalala ako”

“But…It’s danger, Abby. Naiintindihan ko but don’t go to me an—” agad kong pinutol ang sasabihin niya.

“Hindi naman ganon iyon kadali” Tumitig na ako sa kaniya dahil totoo naman, hindi naman iyon madaling gawin. Ilang beses ko namang pinag-isapan at halos masiraan ako ng bait kakaisip kung dapat ko ba siyang puntahan at huwag na mag-alala pa.

Hindi siya magsalita. Tumayo siya at nagsimulang magpalakad lakas sa harap ko. Sunod lang nang sunod ang mga mata ko sa kaniya, hindi siya mapakali paano pa ako tuwing mag-aalala sa kaniya?

Napabuntong hininga ako, napahilamos na alo sa akingg mukha.

“Sinubukan ko, pinag-isipan ko, kung iniisip mo sana ilang beses tingin mo makakapag-isip pa ako ng ilang beses kung alam kong may nangyayari na sayo?”

Pilit kong tinatagan ang aking boses, ayokong umiyak at mas lalong ayokong maging emosyonal na naman.

Naririnig ko ang malalim niyang buntong hininga.

“But Abby, please understand” Nagsusumamomg boses niya. Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa parehas na malungkot na nakakunot ang kilay namin sa isa’t-isa.

Hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ki sa mga tingin na iyon, sobrang hindi ako makapaniwala na magagawa naming ibigay iyon.

“I do understand, Maxl but hindi ko nga makontrol kung anong nararamdaman ko, pinigilan ko naman e”

My chin is shaking as well as my voice, I’m about to cry again and it’s hard to explain.

“I know that, but I’d rather you not get hurt than me, I was so worried about you, Abby, I feel like I don’t know what I’ll do the next time that happens” Her voice is getting louder, still calm but know if she is really close. Namumula na rin siyang nakatingin sa akin.

I wiped my eyes before looking up at her again.

“Alright, how should I control my worry about you? How do you want me not to worry no matter what you assure me?” I didn’t notice that my tears were falling as I spoke. “I’m your girlfriend, Maxl, I can’t worry”

“I can handle myself, Abby, I can, I can, just don’t get hurt!”

“How?! Tell me! Should I just ignore it when I’m worried? Is that what you want?” Mas lalo akong umiyak hindi ko na talaga mapigilan.

Paano ba kami magkakaintindihan? Ako na hindi ko alam paano hahawakan ang sarili ko sa pag-aalala sa kaniya habang siya kayang kaya niya ang sarili niya.

She stopped, looked away from me and covered her face again.

“You think it’s easy…you think it’s easy not to worry, Maxl, maybe you’re forgetting that I saw how violent your brother’s father was and you only proved that to me even more when I saw it last night” I tried to calm my voice , my chest was pounding so hard.

Ayokong magtalo kami ng ganito pero hindi ko na talaga alam. Pakiramdam ko sa isang iglap nagulo na kami.

Tahimik akong umiyak habang yakap yakap ang sarili ko, gustong gusto kong umiyak pero ayokong umiyak sa kaniya. Alam kong parehas lang kaming nahihirapan.

“Please just get out” Mahinang sambit ko.

“Abb–” Hindi ko na pinatapos ang kaniyang sasabihin.

“I don’t want us to yell at each other again, don’t worry, I’ll try to control my feelings…” I lay down and covered myself with a blanket. That’s when I cried so hard.

I waited a few more minutes for her to come out before I closed my eyes again. Sana kapag nagising na ako kaya ko ng hindi mamoblema sa kung anong pakiramdam ko palagi sa kaniya.

Naiintindihan ko siya pero bakit ang hirap intindihin ng akin? Dahil pa puro pakiramdam ko iyong pinapairal ko?

Nagising ako nang may naramdaman akong humahaplos sa akin noo. Nararamdaman ko ang mainit niyang palad at malamyos akong hinahawakan.

“Hmm…” Unti-unti kong dinilat ang aking mga mata. Liwamag ang bumumungad sa akin hanggang sa masilayan ko kung sino ang taong gumagawa sa akin. “M-Mom…”

Si Mommy nga, siya ang humahaplos sa akin. Maliit siyang ngumiti sa akin.

“Sorry, Anak, nagising kita…” Pumili akong pumikit at umiling. “Sige na matulog ka pa”

Muli akong umilingg at dumilat na. Hindi na rin ako makakatulog at nagugutom na rin ako. Hindi ko alam kung ilang oras akong tulog, nakatulog na ako kakaiyak.

Bumangon ako, tinulungan naman ako ni Mommy muli akong hinawalan sa buhok at hinalikan sa noo.

Binigyan niya ako ng pagkain. Umupo siya sa tabi ko at nginitian ako.

“Kumain ka na, Anak.” Tumango ako sa kaniya. “Musta na ang pakiramdam mo?” dagdag na tanong pa niya.

“Ayos na po, kailan ako makakalabas, Mom?” Tanong ko pa sa kaniya.

“Mamaya pwede na”

Tumango  ako nagsimula muli sa pagkain ko. Isang burger naman iyon at binigyan pa ako ng isang juice.

“Anak”

“Hmm” nakangiting lumingon ako kay Mom. Ayokong mapansin niya akong malungkot dahil lang sa nangyaring sagutan naming dalawa ni Maxl. Nagkasigawan na kami kaya alam kong rinig nila iyon.

“Umalis si Maxl pinuntahan na ang kapatid at Mom niya” Saglit na tumigil ang pagnguya ko dahil naalala ko si Tita at si Maxcil.

“Hmm…Nasabi po ba ni Maxl kung nasaan sila Tita at kapatid niya bago nangyari kagabi?” Masuyo kong tanong. Nag-aalala rin ako sa kanila dahil hindi ko sila naabutan at wala rin talaga sila roon.

“Maitakas niya agad buti nga raw noong dumating sila hindi pa nakukuha ang Mom at kapatid niya. Ang kasama raw nila ngayon ay iyong Tiita Angel niya.”

Malumanay akongg tumango muli akong napababa ng tingin. Nakatingin lang ako sa aking  kamay habang ginagalaw ko ang aking hinlalaki. Mabuti naman at nasa maayos na kalagayan si Tita at Maxcil dahil baka mas lalong madagdagan ang kaba ko kung hindi.

“Anak, pag-usapan ninyo iyan ni Maxl kapag parehas na kayong nakahinga” Hindi ako kumibo o kahit manlang nilingon si Mom ay hindi nagawa.

Maayos pero hindi ibig sabihin non ay parehas na kaming maiintindihan ang isa’t-isa. Hirap kasi kanina palang na nagtalo kaming dalawa ay hindi ko na maiwasang mabaliw kakaisip.

If that doesn’t end, what we did will end? How can she and her family be freed from that situation? Kung tutuusin mas mahirap sa kanila kaysa sa akin.

Maxl and I didn’t see each other often for a week, we did see each other but only in the hallway or in the garden but we didn’t talk.

I also tried to study how I feel, how can I handle such that situation againin my life, I want to be able to do what Maxl wants, maybe even that’s all I can do for her.

Baka kapag alam ko na hindi masyadong mag-alala hindi na kami magiging magulo pa.

My thoughts stopped when someone sat next to me. I turned to that person, It’s Aki.  She looked at me but I didn’t speak. I was with my friends but we were all silent.

“Abby, Tita Kristine asked if you could visit them” I didn’t look at her. I just continued writing in my notebook. “She wants to see you, I will go with you if you agree”

Sa loob ko ay napapabuntong hininga ako. Sa loob ng isang linggo kapag nakikita ko si Maxl o nakakarinig ng tungkol sa kaniya ay hindi ko parin maiwasang kabahan.

It was Tita, so I should have agreed but I was again preceded by scenarios that I didn’t like. Maybe something will happen because I will go to them again.

Wala sa sariling napakunot ang noo ko at napahaplos sa aking kilay.

“Pag-iisipan ko”

Hindi na dapat ako maging bara lang. Handa naman ako ilagay ang sarili ko sa kahit anong sitwasyon dahil parte na sila ng buhay ko pero hindi iyon sasang-ayon kay Maxl.

What should I do?

Chapter 19

Hindi ko na pinansin pa si Aki. Hindi ko na rin kinikibo ang iba. Sila na lang naman ang nag-uusap pa dahil si Aki lang naman ang nagsasalita dahil kinakausap na niya si Andy.

Napaiwas ako ng tingin at lumingon na sa garden. Nasa malapit na table ako nang makita ko si Maxl. May kausap siyang babae pero hindi ko kilala, ang seryoso kasi ng usapan nila, hawak din ni Maxl ang kaniyang camera habang pinapakita iyon sa kausap niya.

I was down watching them. That’s not my problem and I don’t feel anything else while watching them talk. I’m not that jealous and in a month of our relationship, I haven’t experienced jealousy yet. 

Kung magseselos man ako alam kong kakayanin ko iyon dahil may tiwala ako sa kaniya at hindi niya naman ako bibiguin ang pagmamahal sa akin ni Maxl. Wala sa oras na napanguso ako nang sobrang lawak ng ngiti sa kaniya noong babae.

Maxl said something to her before she nodded, she said goodbye to Maxl. I followed the girl until she entered the main building before I turned my gaze back to Maxl but when I looked at her she was looking at me. Kumabog ang dibdib ang tagal naming nagtitinginan. 

I feel so much in my heart that I miss her so much. I miss her so much and I also feel the pain in my heart. During a week that we hardly talked, I missed her so much. My chest pounded even more when she started walking towards our table. I was so nervous that I hit the table dahilan para mas nagulat ang mga kasama ko.

Nakahawak pa si Andy sa dibdib niya habang sila Elijah at Rico naman ay aligagang lumingon kung saan ako nakatingin kanina. 

“Nakakagulat ka naman” si Andy na nakatingin na rin kung saan ako nakatingin kanina bago bumaling sa akin at nakakalokong nakangiti sa akin. “Kaya pala…” natatawa niyan sambit.

I can’t breathe because I’m so nervous, this is the second time I’m so nervous when she’s near me. I feel like we are back to the first time we met and got to know each other. Lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko kaya hindi ko maiwasang mapahigit sa akin ang aking paningin.

I didn’t hear my friends speak while looking at the person next to me, I could already smell her perfume which is so addictive to smell, namiss ko rin iyon.

“Maxl” tawag ni Aki. Ramdam ko pa na gumalaw at tiningala ang taong nasa tabi ko. “Ano, sino iyong kausap mo?”

I waited to hear her explanation, parang atat na atat na rin ako dahil ang lawak ng pagkakangiti nong babaeng kausap niya kanina. Hindi ko nga alam kung kaklase niya ba iyon o ano. 

“She is my classmate, she asked our major. We need a model again and she is also a transferee.” I couldn’t help but frown, she knew the details of that girl very well. Andy must have noticed me, which is why she was panicking and started talking at the same time.

“Oy, tama na” Napatigil sa pagsasalita si Aki at lumingon siya kay Andy. “Aki, stop talking”

“Uh…” Awkward na salita ni Aki. “Maxl is just explaining her side, Sorry for being insensitive and I’m sorry” Napa-angat na ako ng tingin pero kay Maxl ako tumingin dahil nakatingin na rin naman siya sa akin. 

“Aki, It’s fine” rinig ko si Andy.

I moved a little, I even bumped into Aki which made her move even more. I looked at the seat next to me before looking at Maxl again.

Hindi siya nagsalita at unti-unti nang umupo sa aking tabi. Mas lalo kaming naging tahimik dahil kasama naroon si Maxl.

“She’s just a classmate and nothing more” putol niya sa pagitan naming dalawa. Unti-unti akong lumingon sa kaniya. Muli kaming nagkatinginan at kita ko talaga sa mga mata niya ang pagkaseryoso.

Titig na titig ako sa kaniyang mga mata bawat paggalaw ng aking mga mata ay sunusundan lang siya. Masyado kong matagal na hindi nahumaling sa mga mata niya, isang linggo pero pakiramdam ko isang taon na. Bumaba ang mga tingin ko sa labi niya bago bumalik sa kaniyang mga mata.

Namumungay na nakatingin ang mga iyon sa akin. Hindi ko maiwasang mapagalaw sa aking labi. Alam kong sa akin lang ang mga iyon. 

Ilang segundo kaming nagtitigan bago ako dahan-dahan na tumango sa kaniya. Alam kong nagbibigay siya ng paliwanag sa akin dahil karapatan niya naman iyon at karapatan ko ring makuha iyon sa kaniya.

“Okay, no problem”

Tinitigan niya ako kaya maliit akong ngumiti sa kaniya, ganon din ang ginawa niya sa akin bago ako muling nagsulat sa aking notebook. Lesson namin iyon kanina, sinusulat ko ulit dahil hindi ko maiwasan ang pagsusulat ko habang nakikinig sa professor ko.

Nang matapos ako ay binigay ko naman kay Andy dahil iyon na lang din ang kulang niya. Tahimik si Aki sa aking tabi at kitang kita ko na tinitignan lang niya si Andy sa ginagawa nito.

Si Rico at Ej naman ay abala na nagtatype sa kanilang ipad. Ayaw daw nila ng notebook gusto ay sa ipad itake ang note bawat subject.

I feel Maxl’s eyes on me. Hindi ko maiwasang mangiti dahil talagang nangulila ako sa mga bagay na iyon mula sa kaniya. Sa loob ng isang linggo ay hindi naman kami nawala sa isa’t-isa, sa isang linggo na iyon ay alam kong huminga kami pero nanatali pa rin kaming dalawa.

Tahimik na naman kami, tapos na ako sa ginagawa ko, ako at si Maxl lang ang nagpapakiramdaman. Magkadikit ang balat naming dalawa tanging balat lang namin ang may konektado.

“Abby” Mabilis akong nag-angat ng tingin sa kaniya. Titig na titig siya sa akin. I really love her gentle eyes sa akin lang tanging kumisilap.

“Hmm?” Tanging tugon ko. Maliit ang ngiti ko pero sapat na iyon para malaman niyang interesado ako sa kung anong sasabihin niya.

“Can we talk later?” Masuyong sambit niya. Ramdam ko ang paglandas ng kaniyang kamay sa akin. Mahigpit niyang hinawakan ang aking kamay, sumumod ay ang paghaplos ng hinlalaki niya. “Come with me tonight…”

Namiss ko talaga siya kaya gusto ko na siyang makasama ulit. At iyong sinabi sa akin ni Aki kanina au sigurado akong sasabihin din niya sa akin.

Tumango ako. Gusto ko rin naman. Gusto ko naming dalawa na naman ulit ang magkasama.

“Sure”

Natapos ang araw namin na iyon na abala. Alam kong abala na naman si Maxl dahil malapit na naman ang midterm namin, sobrang dami na namang dapat at aralin.

Hindi na rin kami masyadong nagsama ni Maxl sa lunch, si Aki naman ay hhindi na nadalaw pa si Andy. Nagtataka nga ako sa isang iyon, nakabuntot na palagi kay Andy pero hindi ko naman namin alam kung anong status nilang dalawa.

“Andy, ano na? kayo na ba ng crush mo?” Tanong ko habang naglalakad kaming apat pabalik sa room. Tapos na ang lunch break kaya may time na naman kaming pag-usapan ang isa’t-isa.

Nagulat siya sa tanong namin. Agad siyang bumawi pero hindi rin namin nagustuhan kung ano ang naging reaksyon niya.

“Hindi ko alam, hindi naman iyan ganyan noon diba? Palagi na sumasama sa atin” Malumanay niyang sagot. Nasa kwarto na kami at umupo sa upuan.

“Hindi niyo pinag-uusapan? Kailan lang ba iyan?” Tanong ko naman.

“Simula noong nagkita kami sa bakasyon noong una madalang na lang pero nito lang mas lalong napadalas”

“Baka gusto ka na niya?” si Rico naman ang sumingit. Napatangon pa siya na parang sinusugurado na iyon talaga ang sinabi niya. “Kung titigan ka nga non kulang na lang matunaw ka na” dagdag pa nito.

Sabay sabay kaming napalingon sa huling sinabi ni Rico kay Andy. Totoo naman, napansin ko rin iyon kanina pero hindi ko na kinibo.

“Napansin ko rin, nakatingin lang siya sayo habang ikaw abala sa kakasulat kanina” dagdag ko. “Wala kayo pinag-usapan tungkol doon?”

Umiling naman si Andy. Bumuntong hininga at umiwas na lang. Dahil doon ay hindi na kami nagtanong at nagsalita pa. Hinayaan na lang namin dahil alam kong hindi pa siya ready magsabi at kung ano talaga ang nararamdaman niya.

“Hi”

Isang matamis na ngiti ang binigay ko kay Maxl nang magkita kami sa labas ng campus, hindi ko na kasabay ang mga kaibigan ko, nakasandal si Maxl sa Ford niya at umalis lang siya sa pagkakasandal nang makita ako.

“Hi” bati ko sabay lapit sa kaniya. Tingala ako sa kaniya at hindi na naman maiwasang mapatitig. Parang araw araw na lang ako nahuhumaling sa mukha niya.

Hindi ako nagsalita. Unti-unti akong lumapit sa kaniya, dahan dahan ko ring iniyakap ang aking mga braso sa kaniyang likod at tuluyang dikit ang sarili ko at niyakap siya nang sobrang higpit.

Pumikit ako at dinamdam siya, sobrang kulang ko talaga kapag wala siya, sobrang namiss ko rin siya, tagal rin ng isang linggo para huminga kaming dalawa at ituon ang kaniyang atensyon sa pamilya niya.

Naramdaman ko ang mas mahigpit niyang yakap sa aking baywang. Sobrang higpit at hindi ko na nga maramdaman ang pagkukulang ng hangin sa katawan.

Unti unti ko ring naramdaman ang paghaplos niya sa aking likod at braso. I am very happy and I feel good again. It’s so calm when I’m in her and in her arms. Ilang minuto kaming nasa ganoong kalagayan bago kami tuluyang lumayo sa isa’t-isa.

Nakatingala pa rin ako sa kaniya, pakiramdam ko wala na akong ibang gustong titigan kundi siya lamang. 

I smiled again when her hand came up to caress my cheek. I also raised my hand and touched her hand on my cheek.

“Let’s go…home” Tumango ako nang dahan dahan.

Bumitaw na kami sa isa’t-isa, pinagbuksan niya ako ng passenger’s seat at pumas na ako, siya naman ay umikot upang pumasok naman siya sa Driver’s seat.

Buong biyahe ay tahimik kami, sometimes we caught each other staring at each other. I give her a smile to make her feel that we are okay.

“Maxl” I called softly. She looked at me before looking back at the road.

Before I could speak again she was ahead of me.

“I understand why you went to the mansion that night, I understand, I’m sorry because I was angry, I couldn’t control my emotions and yelled at you. Please believe me or not, I really don’t know what I would feel when I saw you and especially when you passed out, Abby. I was so worried” She explained.

Napakurap na naman ang aking mata. Namamasa na naman ang aking mga mata. 

“I’m really sorry, Abby” she added.

I reached for her hand that was not holding the steering wheel. She held me back, looked at me with a small smile on his face but her eyes were sad.

“I’m also sorry because I couldn’t–” She shook her head at me very emphatically.

“No, it’s not your fault that you worried about me, it’s not your fault. I’m sorry because I managed to make you feel wrong. I’m sorry, I was wrong” Naging mahigpit ang hawak niya sa akin kamay. “I’m sorry I invalidated yo–” Ako naman ang umiling sa kaniya.

“Shh…It’s fine, I’m sorry” Inabot na rin ng isang kamay ko ang kamay niyang nahawak ko, hinahaplos ko na rin iyon. “We’re sorry and we’re fine…” 

“I’m really sorry” Maliit akong ngumiti ako sa kaniya. 

“I’m sorry, don’t be sad…” 

Muli kaming natahimik na dalawa. Tanging nakahawak lang kami sa kamay ng isa’t-isa at walang balak na humiwalay at bumitaw. Ayoko siyang bitawan, pakiramdam ko magiging kulang na naman ako kapag nagkataon.

Napatingin ako sa labas nang huminto ang sasakyan ni Maxl. Nasa ibang mansyon kami at alam kong hindi naman ito kay Maxl. Tahimik akong lumingon kay Maxl, nakatingin na rin siya sa akin na para bang hinihintay na lang niya akong lumingon sa kaniya.

“We stayed here with Tita Angel, Lolo is here too” She said gently, I felt her thumb caressing my hand again. Maliit akong ngumiti sa kaniya. “Let’s go?” 

Siya ang naunang lumabas at pinagbuksan naman ako ng pinto. Lumabas na ako at nakita ko sila Ate Amanda, Tita Kristine at Tita Angel na naroon na. Mukhang narinig din nila ang pagdating namin, kumaway ang mga ito sa akin.

I also couldn’t help feeling sad because they were very tired and sad, maybe it was because I came that they chose to be happy for me.

“Good evening po” Nagmano ako kay Tita Kristine at Tita Angel, Ate Amanda kissed my cheek. I held her hand and we both looked at each other, we both gave each other small smiles. Mukha naman alam niya rin kung ano nangyari sa amin ng pinsan niya.

“Anak, namiss kita” malambing na sambit ni Tita Kristine są akin, mas lalo akong ngumiti są kaniya upang mas maramdaman niyang parehas kami ng nararamdaman. Mas napapansin ko pa rin sa kaniya ang pagod at pangamba.

Lumapit ako sa kaniya at ginawaran siya ng halik sa noo. Ang tagal kong ginawa iyon, gusto kong iparamdam sa kaniya na maliban sa pamilya niya ay maasahan niya rin ako at mararamdaman. 

“I miss you too, Tita, I’m here”

She smiled happily at me so I couldn’t help but soften, I really missed seeing them so much.

We went inside and there we caught up with Grandpa Cedric coming down the stairs looking like he just woke up. Agad na lumabas ang pagkakangiti niya nang makita niya ako.

“Oh, Aba, nandito na ang magandang apo ko na si Abby!” Dahil malakas ka pa naman si Lolo nagmamadali tong bumaba upang salubingin ako. Natatawa naman sinalubong ko siya at niyakap, niyayakap niya at hinahaplos ang aking likod. “Aba’y namiss kita!”

“Ako rin po, Lolo” humiwalay ako sa kaniya ng yakap “Lakas ninyo pa po ’no!” nagbibirong sambit ko. Tumawa naman siya nang sobrang lakas kaya sumabay na rin sila Ate Amanda sa kaniyang pagtawa. 

“Oh tara na sa kusina!” si Tita Angel. Hindi na muna ako lumayo kay Lolo dahil nakahawak pa ito sa akin. Natutuwa nga ako dahil mas namiss pa niya yata ako kaysa sa sarili niyang apo.

We were still walking into the kitchen when I looked at Maxl, she wasn’t looking at me because she and Aunt Kristine were talking, she was holding her mother at nilalambing niya ito. 

I let out a sweet smile again before I looked back at Lolo. We both talked. Kinakamusta ko siyang lahat lalo na siya dahil bilang Ama ay alam kong mas sobra ang kaniyang pag-aalala pa sa kaniyang anak at apo.

“Ate” napalingon ako kay Maxcil, kagagaling lang sa back door mukhang galing ito sa labas. 

“Maxcil” lumapit ito sa akin at niyakap ako. Bumeso rin siya sa akin. 

“Halina kayo, kain na tayo” tawag sa amin ni Lolo. 

We all approached the table, Maxl sat next to her mother and turned to me. I didn’t say anything and sat next to her, nasa harapan namin sila Ate Amanda, nasa gitna naman namin si Lolo. Nagsimula na kaming kumain, tahimik na naman kami at mas inuuna na muna ang pagkain.

Somehow I hardly felt the comfort of them all and because of me I like it better. At least I helped them. I wiped my mouth with a napkin when I heard Lolo Cedric speak.

“Abby, how are you? Sorry we didn’t visit you at the hospital” Nilingon ko siya habang silang lahat ay nakatingin sa akin, nag-aabang ng aking sagot. Naramdaman ko rin ang paghawak ni Maxl sa akin kamay sa ilalim ng mesa. 

Naiintindihan ko naman kung bakit hindi nila ako nagawang bisitahin. Isang araw lang ang lumipas nong nangyari iyon at sariwara pa rin ang iyon kung dadalawin at kung dinalaw nila ako. 

“It’s fine po, it’s not necessary because I know that you would be more harmed if you showed me right away” I gave in a shallow voice. “I’m fine now po, I’m fine in a week”

I’m fine but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel fine about what happened, I may be fine physically but not emotionally. To this day, I still carry with me what happened. Until now, I’m still fixing myself but when it comes to their safety and Maxl’s safety, I feel that I will never change, I feel that I will experience that in my life for the rest of my life.

Maxl is right, there’s nothing I can do, there’s nothing we can do because it’s already here, it’s happening. I feel so useless because I can’t do anything and if I do something I don’t want my family to feel sorry for me. Ayokong madamay pa sila.

Muli kaming naging tahimik. Parehas lang naming alam na wala talagang magagawa at hindi na namin mababago pa kung anong nangyari. Kung anuman iyon alam kong palagi naming iisipin at hindi na mawawala pa. Sa totoo lang ayoko na talagang malaman kung anong nagyari pa nong gabing iyon dahil baka hindi ko lang makayanan pa.

Sapat na iyong nandito na ako ulit, kasama na nila ako at kasama na ako ni Maxl.

Chapter 20

SPG Chapter

A few days and months passed when Maxl and I didn’t feel apart again, I don’t know what else Maxcil’s family was planning but if it was something I was more worried.

It’s out monthsary, we have been together for six months and I can say that we feel each other more and more, very close and very gentle love that she gives me. Hindi ko iyon gugustuhin pang mawala at hindi maramdaman dahil kulang ako kapag wala siya, kung ako kung wala siya.

During six months, I never experienced that we both lacked anything in each other, I never even felt that she wasn’t there even when we were having problems. We were more careful to be together more and to be stronger with each other. That’s not hard to do especially if we want the same.

I leaned back in my car seat while driving while smiling. Mabuti na lang talaga ay pinayagan na akong magdrive nila Mom at Dad para hindi na rin ako mahirapan sa araw araw na byahe. Hindi ako sanay sa commute pero mabuti rin naman dahil naranasan ko pa rin.

Napatingin ako sa phone ko na nagring at bukas ang screen dahil may nagtext sa akin. Mas lalo akong nangiti nang makit ko ang pangalan ni Maxl doon.

Maxl:

Good morning, baby! Happy monthiversary to us! I hope you’re doing well. Please be careful while driving. I love you always

I was smiling so much that I bit my lower lip, folded my lips and became even more eager to see her. I opened my phone with one hand, pressed voice message and spoke.

“Good morning, love! Happy monthsary to us, I’m going to university. Please magkita tayo”

I can’t help but laugh because I really need her, I’m needy and vulnerable at any time with her especially when we’re together and when I miss her when we’re away from each other.

Kita ko na agad niyang seen iyon. Muli akong lumingon sa kalsada at patingin tingin dahil hinihntay ko ang kaniyang reply. Malapit naman na ako kaya mas lalo akong nasasabik na makita siya. Pakiramdam ko gigil na gigil akong makita siya.

When my phone rang, I immediately looked at it, Maxl had already replied using the voice message so my lips were even more torn from smiling. I pressed it and listened.

“Baby, I’m already at school, I’m waiting for you here too, I love you, please don’t rush driving” I closed my eyes while smiling for a moment and hit the steering wheel. Pakiramdam ko ang landi ko ngayong araw. Hindi ko lang siguro mapigilan maging ganto lalo na kung si Maxl iyon.

Meron pang isa at pinindot ko iyon.

“I’m in the garden, I’ll wait for you here baby, be careful. I love you so much” malambing ang boses niyang iyon. Kumikot ang aking labi at pinindot muli ang voice message.

“Okay baby! wait for me please, I’m close. I love you so much and I want to see you na!” my energy is so high now, I’m hyper and I feel like she’s laughing at me.

Lakas na talaga ng tama ko sa kaniya. Mas lalo pa yata akong naging clingy sa kaniya. Sana hindi siya mainis sa akin. Napailing na lang ako at natatawa.

Pumasok ako sa parking ng University nang nakapark na ang aking kotse ay dali akong lumabas ng kotse at sinara iyon. Naglakad ako palabas ng parking wala akong nakaksabay dahil siguro ay late na ang time ng class ko, 9 am na at karaniwan 7 am ang pasok ko at marami na ring tao.

I was walking but stopped when I spotted Andy, next to the elevator going up to the first floor of the Architecture building. I couldn’t see who he was talking to but I knew it wasn’t good.

I see her as if she is about to cry, hurt and the sadness in her eyes. I slowly approached there, I hid in a car that was close to them. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang makita kong si Aki iyon. Kagaya nang nakikita ko sa mga mata ni Andy.

Nagsimula na akong kabaha dahil sa loob din ng anim na buwan ay hindi ko naman sila nakitaan ng kahit ano, walang sinasabi si Andy kaya hindi ko rin alam kung anong nangyayari sa kanilang dalawa o kung may relasyon na ba sila.

“You know, it’s really better to stop being attached to me, isn’t your marriage with that girl really going to go ahead?”

My ears almost popped when I heard that from Aki. I didn’t think that woman that Aki’s sister was talking about when they were on vacation in Palawan would make it to marriage. Sobra na rin akong kinakabahan dahil kita kong umangal si Aki at nagsalita.

“Andy, how many times do I have to tell you that I don’t like her and I don’t want and never want to marry her” Aki’s voice was still trying to be calm even though I could see the reddening of her face.

I immediately took my phone because it vibrated. Maxl sent a message and I said I was in the parking lot and Andy and Aki was here, I was listening to their conversation and also because I was worried about my friend.

“No, just stop because from the beginning, I’m also the loser because your family doesn’t like me” Andy said while bowing slightly. Kita ko ang pagkurap ng kaniyang mga mata, nagpippigil ng mga luha, napakagat ako sa aking labi dahil unang beses na nakita ko siyang ganon, masakit na makita siyang ganoon.

“Andy, I love you, you kno—”

“Yes, I know! But It’s not enough right?” Naging basag ang boses ni Aki, nagsisimula nang manginig ang kaniyang mga katawan dahil sa mga luha niya.

I saw how Aki’s shoulders slumped, her face full of pain and she didn’t know what else to do. But she shook her head, she did it again before speaking again.

“Alam kong mahal mo rin ako, ilaban mo ulit, pwede ba?” Punong puno ng pagmamakaawa ang boses nito. Kahit nakikinig lang ako ay ramdam ko sa mga boses nila ang sakit at kagustuhang manatili sa isat isa.

Hindi nagsalita si Andy dahil mas lalo siyang umiyak habang nakayuko.

My eyes blinked because in the time we spent with Andy and Aki, we didn’t feel like that was what they were going through. Especially Andy, we didn’t know that’s what she was experiencing and feeling.

I didn’t hear them speak yet but Aki slowly approached Andy and hugged her, burying Andy’s forehead in her shoulder.

Ilang minuto ko pa sila tinignan bago ako dahan dahan na umalis sa pwesto ko. Lumbas na ako sa parking lot, nagkagulatan pa kami ni Maxl dahil papasok na siya at ako naman ay palabas na.

“Love” malumanay niyang sambit sa akin. Lumingon pa siya sa likod ko na parang may hinahanap bago muling binalik ang tingin sa akin. “Where’s Aki and Andy?”

Umiling ako. Hindi na namin sila kailangan pang guluhin, alam ko ring pinapakalma nila ang sarili nila sa isa’t isa.

“Nag-uusap sila, hayaan na natin sila” Lumapit ako sa kaniya at hinawakan ang kaniyang braso. Ngumiti ako. “I’m fine at ayos lang din sila.”

She looked at me for a long time, the second time her looks were long, deep and I didn’t know what else I could identify from the way she looked.

I saw her gaze drop to my lips before returning to me again. “Ganda mo” My smile widened at her.

“I know!” malanding sabi ko at pinadusdos ko ang palad ko sa leeg niya. Gusto kong matawa at mas lalo siyang landiin dahil gumalaw ang kaniyang panga. Her face was red and she was swallowing.

I caught my breath when she came to my neck and kissed it very gently but she rewarded it with a gentle bite. My breathing became stronger in her ear causing her to suck my skin more.

Kumapit ako sa collar ng damit niya, nakapolo siya kaya mas lalo kong nagawa iyon. Napapikit na ako dahil muli niyang ginawa iyon na para bang iyon ang labi ko kung halikan niya.

“M-Maxl…” I hung up while closing my eyes, my chest pounding was too strong again because my chest pounded even stronger when something poked my stomach.

I looked down there and my mouth fell open.

“L-Love” I slowly pulled her away from me, her eyes looking at me lust and full of desire. “M-Meron ka rin?”

“Hmm” Her lips came close to mine. She immediately moved away and looked at me again.

“Yes, I have one too…”

I swallowed. Why don’t I feel that when we make out? I don’t even notice that whenever she wears shorts. Didn’t she turn on me?

Napansin niya ang pananahimik ko habang nakatingin pa rin sa ibaba niya. It’s a boner and so hard.

“Sorry, I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable, I really do turn on you and I’m always wearing large shorts so you can’t see or feel.” Kumunot ang noo ko at muli na nag-angat ng tingin sa kaniya. “I’m sorry, I know I’m wrong…”

“Alam mo namang kahit ano ka pa o may ganyan ka, tanggap kita” Dahan dahan at malumanay siyang tumango sa akin, naging malambot na naman siya kaya hindi ko maiwasang kurutin ang pisngi niya.

“I love you…” she said softly and I touched my cheek, rubbing it with her thumb.

Humalik ako sa kaniyang labi. Kulang pa ang pagkasabik ko para sa mga halik ko sa kaniya.

“I’ve got a boner and all but you’re still flirting with me” she said laughing. I leaned on her again so I felt it again in my stomach, she stared at me and her jaw tightened.

“Abby…”

“Yes?” I softly said to her. I slid my hand from her neck to her stomach.

“Later please…” her voice begging, my smile wide again.

“Sure…” Bumaba muli ang tingin ko ngunit mabilis na niyang tinakpan iyon. “You’re so cute”

“Yeah.”

I laughed even more because her face was really red, she was sweating and I could feel her nervousness. I can feel the warmth of both of our bodies.

It’s as if she’s attracting me even more, sobrang naakit ako sa kaniya, sobra akong nakakaramdam ng init ng katawan kapag malapit siya.

At this time, I can’t think of anything else but to please her with pleasure. I looked down at her again and back to her face.

I’m an adult and I know what to do when two people making love. I also read a lot in manga and see, even in detail.

When I do that to Maxl, will she be happy? Will she enjoy what I do? She’s an intersex, she has the features of a man but even if I know that she is intersex and she is still a woman in my eyes, I will never look at her as a man.

Wala sa sariling napalunok ako at napailing. Kailangan ko na yatang linisin ang  isip ko.

“Why?” tanong niya. Muli ko siyang tinignan. Wala na ang boner niya pero atat pa rin ang isip ko kung paano ko siya paliligayahin. “Are you okay?”

Nakangiti akong tumango sa kaniya. Humawak ako sa braso niya. “Yes, let’s go?”

Umikot ang araw ko sa class at mas umikot ang araw ko sa kung anong dapat kong gawin. May dala akong regalo kay Maxl but I was enveloped in desire for her, maybe I shouldn’t have seen and felt that! Apart from the fact that I want us na maglambingan, I also want to experience that thing with her.

Damn it. Lagot ako kay Mom kapag nalaman niyang ganito ako kalandi.

Hindi ko nakasama ang mga kaibigan ko buong araw at tama lang talaga na parehas kami, ako may problema ngayon at sila kasama rin ang mga tao sa buhay nila.

Himala yatang hindi kami magkakasama ngayon. Siguro nagsawa na kami sa mga mukha namin.

“Maxl!” tawag ko sa kaniya sa studio room. Nagmamadali akong pumunta sa kaniya after ng class class namin. “I’m here, baby!”

“Baby!” I heard her inside. Bumukas ang pinto at bumumgad sa akin ang malawak na pagkakangiti niya sa akin. “Baby, I miss you”

I immediately hugged her neck, I also felt her arms wrapped around my waist. We both moved to get in even though we were still hugging each other and she closed the door with one hand.

“I miss you!” I barely jumped in her embrace. “Happy months, baby…”

I slowly moved away, we both smiled at each other as if we didn’t want to lose sight of each other. I gave her a sweet smile before giving her a soft kiss on the lips.

“Happy monthsary, my love” she greeted softly between our kisses, it was getting passionate and I couldn’t deny that I missed her kisses on me. She grabbed my waist again, caressing me with her soft kisses.

The two of us moved again while kissing, I don’t know where she was going to take me but I felt the door behind me.

“Hmm” I let out a low moan when her lips came down on my neck, just like earlier she was kissing it heavily and emphasizing it. “Maxl…” I closed my eyes as I looked up and felt the warmth of her kiss and body.

She’s pushing her body to me causing her’s to stick to my stomach again. She rubbed it on my stomach while still kissing me.

“Ah” She growled into my neck before bringing her face to my cheek. “I’m really turned on you, Abby…Let’s go home and let’s fuck” her voice was very heavy and growling.

“Yeah…please, let’s go home” Hingal na sambit ko bago muling naglapat ang labi naming dalawa. “I love you…”

“I love you more”

Wele left her motorcycles at the University and used my car. Kahit nasa byahe her boner still didn’t go away, it hardened even more as if wanted to come out of her zipper.

Napalunok ako roon. Gusto kong hawakan na hindi dahil nagmamaneho siya.

“Abby…” I held my breath even more when I reached for it, I could hear him let out deep breaths when my hand landed on him.

“Fuck…” She sped up while I was shaking with my hands caressing it. My body gets hotter when I hear her deep breath, I caressed it again and again.

“Love, you’re wet…” I said softly. I could feel the wetness on top of her zipper.

“We’re here” She quickly got out of the car and pulled me out. Mabuti na lang ay pwedeng magpark sa ground floor tuwing umaga.

“Maxl” tawag ko pero hindi niya ako pinansin. Paulit-ulit niyang pinindot ang elevator button. Nang bumukas ito ay agad niya akong hinila papasok.

“I love you…” mahinang bulong niya sa aking likod. She pulled me closer to her and I swallowed when it hit my butt.

She pressed me closer to her when someone entered the elevator. I tried not to look bend because we might be noticed.

“I can’t wait, Abby…” Her deep voice whispered in my ear. “I want to fuck you”

“Calm down, my vagina won’t run” I said softly and stop moaning.

Hindi yata talaga siya makakapaghintay. Atat na atat na parang akala mo ay tatakbo ako. Ganito pala siya, ganito pala kami at lumevel up ang kalandian namin.

Sana hindi ako masampal ni Mom at Dad kapag nalaman nilang nawala na pagkababae ko.

Nakailang tigil pa ang elevator at nang nasa floor na kami ay agad ko siyang hinatak. Atat na atat na siya baka bigla siyang umiyak kung hindi ko pa bibilisan.

“Hurry up” Sambit niya nang dinidiinan pa rin ang sarili niya sa likod ko. Nang mabuksan ko ang pinto ay hinila ko siya papasok.

Agad niya akong sinili ng halik at sumandal siya sa pinto na ngayon ay sarado na. I wrapped my arms around her neck and went along with her crazy and eager kiss.

I pressed my body on her body, we continued kissing while my hand entered her polo to caress her tummy. Just now I felt her abs more, it was so delicious in the palm of my hand while caressing it.

Her hands moved down to my ass, squeezing it and caressing it like a toy.

“Hmm” I couldn’t help but moan. Everything she imitates to me gives me more intense lust and heat.

We moved again but still not letting go of the kiss, he picked her up and started walking.

Her lips went to my neck again when we entered my room, shee slowly put me there but I stopped her.

“Love…” her eyes were full of lust, looking at me, they were still bulging. Tumayo ako at siya ang tinulak ko paupo ng kama. “Abby…” tawag niya nang lumuhod ako sa harap niya.

“Are you sure?” she said gently while looking at me.

I slowly nodded even though the truth was that I was nervous about what I was going to do. She didn’t say a word but shee slowly took off her pants and boxer.

Shit

Does it fit in my mouth? Parang sa kamay ko hindi na kaya, paano na lang sa bibig ko?

“I’ll guide you, don’t worry” I swallowed again and slowly brought my face closer to her penis, I held it while watching Maxl’s reacation.

Shee looked up while closing her eyes, sweat dripping down her neck as she let out a low growl.

I slowly held it and slowly slid my hand along her length. I heard her growl again. I continued what I was doing, I did ups and downs slowly while slightly squeezing her head.

“Ah” She’s growling again. I swallowed and her moans became more music in my ears.  I know this is just the beginning of my making her feel pleasure.

I move my hand to her again, I pressed it a little especially when it was on her head, I was more happy with what I was doing.

I took my hand that was holding her and spat on it and held it again, I did the up and down pero ngayon ay mas mabilis na.

“Fuck…” Her moans are getting louder because she likes and wets my pussy even more. She still looked up while moaning. “Faster…”

Binilisan ko ang kamay ko kagaya ng sinabi niya. Dahil doon ay mas naramdaman ko ang paninigas ng ari niya.

“Ah fuck…yeah” She bent down and looked at me, she came a little closer, I really love her face while I’m making her good that’s not enough and I want to give her more.

She slowly reached out and held both of my cheeks and brought my fave closer to her penis.

“I want yout mouth…” she said softly with a grunt. “Your mouth, love”

Bumitaw ako sa kanya at dahan dahan nilapit ang bibig ko sa kahabaan niya.

“Open your mouth, baby please”

Dahan dahan kong binuka ang bibig ko. “Yeah…suck it please”

Fuck, ang laki at haba pakiramdam ko mapupunit ang lalamunan ko.

I put her penis in my mouth slowly and shee didn’t let me go because she was guiding what she was holding me.

Shit, it’s really big, I haven’t taken half of it but my lips are already hurting.

“Ah…Open wide baby” She growled at me but my mouth was all it could take. She must have felt that that was all I could do when she slowly let go of my cheek and one of her hands went to my hair.

“Move, love”

I moved, little by little I lowered my head so that I could enjoy her length more.

“Fuck…ah”

Even though my throat and mouth still hurt, I still raised my head to give her a head, slowly until it became fast that I was giving her genital.

“Ah…faster, baby…” I liked her more because of her moaning, because it was getting louder and I could feel her losing herself.

Several times I lowered and raised my mouth on her head and pressed it until I could insert her penis completely in my mouth.

“Ah Ah fuck…Abby…”

There is nothing happier in my life when I give her deep throat again and again, I taste her in my mouth and I want to find her taste forever.

I looked at hee as she moved her face away from me until her penis was no longer in my mouth.

“Love” I called softly. She stood up on the bed so that I slightly fell back on the floor.

“I’m going to thrust on your mouth…” She was completely enveloped in lust. “I’m sorry but I really like you and own you now and I’ll try to be gentle…”

Muli akong napalunok nang hawakan niya ang ari niya at ang pisngi ko. I immediately knew what that meant, I opened my mouth again and she slowly let it in.

I felt like crying because I felt the pain in my throat more now that she was standing and I was kneeling.

“Ahh” she held both of my ears and slowly moved, slowly but quickly so that I could feel that I was about to poke. “Fuck, ang sarap mo”

She was thrusting fast causing me to hold her thigh, she was doing it quickly and lovingly but it was faster.

“Ahh fuck, it’s so fucking good” I can feel the pleasure she feels because of the fast of her penis in my mouth.

“Ah” sinagod niya iyon kaya napaubo na ako. Bahagya akong lumayo sa ari niya. “Love…”

“Parang wala ng bukas kung bumayo ka” pinunasan ko ang labi ko. “Gigi–”

“Yeah, please let me cum in your mouth”

Grsbe, aware kaya si Tita Kristine na ganito kalibog ang anak niya sa akin, gigil na gigil parang bibig ko lang pwede niya pagurin.

“But…If you—”

“Sige na, cum inside my mouth na” Masungit kong sambit kaya tumawa siya.

“Mahal na mahal kita, Abby”

“Alam ko, gigil na gigil ka nga sa akin ngayon”

“I said I love you” muli niyang hinawakan ang magkabilang tenga ko. “Love”

Clingy niya ngayon ha, ang cute niya rin kaya dapat lang talaga hayaan ko siyang labasan sa bibig ko at nang matahimik na siya.

“I love you so much”

She put her penis in my mouth again. Again and again. It hurts but I can feel her happiness and eagerness.

“Ah…fuck!” She growled louder as she continued to thrust herself into my mouth. I almost couldn’t feel the pain anymore because of how fast she was going “Ahh..ah”

I gawk nang hawakan niya nang sobramg higpit ang ulo ko at walang kung amo na sinagad iyin sa bibig ko.

“Ah…I’m cumming” Layo at sagad ang binigay at ginawa niya sa bibig ko, sobrang bilis at nararamdmaan ko na sa bibig ko ang bahagyang paglaki ng ari niya. “Ahh…”

Napapikit ako nang isubo niya nang buo iyom sa bibig ko sabay non ay ang paglabas ng katas niya sa bibig ko.

---

NOTE:

YES, MAXL IS AN INTERSEX

Chapter 21

SPG Chapter

Hinugot niya sa bibig ko ang ari niya. Napahawak ako sa aking bibig at napatingin sa kaniya.

“Sarap?” She asked smiling as she caressed my cheek again.

Sumimangot ako. “Landi mo”

Laughing, she picked me up from kneeling on the floor and put me on the bed. I looked at her penis, it was really stood up and very hard.

She looked down at what I was looking at and gave me a teasing look again.

“Why? You want this inside you?” I was taken aback because of what she said, I couldn’t believe that she was wild and flirt. Muli siyang tumawa nang pinakita ko sa kanya ang nakasarado kong kamay. “But I want this inside you…”

Her mouth began to come closer to my chest, gently kissing and biting my nipple, my body arched slightly due to the tickling and sensation of her lips and tongue.

“Hmm…” I grabbed her hair while she was still doing it on my nipple, I covered my mouth more when she started to lick and suck my nipple gently while using one of her hands she played with one of my breast.

“Ahh..”

Ang sarap ng ginagawa niya sa akin. Literal na masarap at hindi ko na alam kung saan ibabaling ang ulo ko.

“Ahh! l-love”

My eyes widened as I moaned as she squeezed one of my nipple, playing with it with her finger as well.

Shit I feel the pain and pleasure of what she is doing.

“Ahh..hmm” I could feel the flow of wetness in my womanhood pakiramdam ko anumang oras mararamdaman na niya iyon.

She stopped on my chest and slowly lowered her lips to my stomach, she kissed it again and again before sucking softly.

She grabbed my waist and looked at me again. My eyes narrowed and softened while looking at her.

“Love..”

Hinawakan niya ang zipper ng palda ko. Muli siyang tumingin sa akin at dahan dahan akong tumango.

Sobrang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko, hindi ko alam kung makakahinga pa ba ako dahil natanggal na niya ang zipper at unti unting hinubad ang palda ko.

I bit my lip when she looked at my womanhood for a long time, she also looked down at my thigh. It’s like she’s obsessed with me and doesn’t want to take her eyes off me.

She slowly lowered her face and kissed my thigh, very sweet and I couldn’t help but get tickled even more. Magkabilang hita ko ang hinalikan niya bago umangat ng tingin sa akin, humawak siya sa underwear ko.

“I’ll take it off, love” she said sweetly. I didn’t speak but I nodded.

She slowly took it off but I was still a little shy because she started staring at it again.

“Don’t be shy, I love it. I love you” 

I lay down and closed my eyes. My body is very hot and I feel shivery.

I felt her breath on my jewel as if she did that on purpose. At the same time, she kissed my groin several times.

“Ah…” Mahinang ungol ko nang maramdaman ko ang labi niya sa akin. Nararamdaman ko ang init ng hininga at dila niyang humahaplos sa akin. “Hmm…”

Fuck, nanginginig na agad ako.

My grip on her hair tightened because she was licking me, I could feel her tongue lingering on my clitoris. My body went limp when she completely stuck her mouth, playing with it and sucking it.

“A-Ah…fuck”

She did it again and again until I could feel my legs shaking, I stuck her head between my thighs but she still didn’t stop.

“M-Maxl…a-ahh wait” I tried to move her face away but she did it one more time before I stopped completely. “Ah” I gasped, my legs shaking.

I dropped my body on the bed again, I was still panting. Naramdaman ko ang paggalaw ni Maxl kaya napaangat ako ng tingin sa kanya.

She took her pants from the floor and took something, I saw it was a condom.

Kumunot ang noo ko at natatawa rin. Handang handa naman siya, nakaready pa ang condom.

“Halatang handa ka ah” Hingal kong sabi at napatingin siya sa akin. Ngumiti at umuling lumapit.

“Yes, It’s you so I need to be ready”

She put it on her penis and held my thighs slightly apart again.

As soon as I looked at her she noticed that I’? nervous so she bent down and gave me a kiss on the lips, she was also stroking my hair.

“I understand what you feel, tell me if it hurts and you can’t take it, I’ll stop” She said softly before snuggling into my neck. “I love you always, Abby”

Little by little I felt her head getting closer to my hole until it entered slowly. I held onto Maxl because I felt a rush of pain.

“I-It hurts…” I clung to her back and buried my face in her neck.

“Sorry, love…” she said softly. I nodded and hugged her tightly. “Dahanin ko”

I closed my eyes even more when it entered slightly, I could hear Maxl’s deep breathing on my neck.

“You’re so tight”

Tangina, ang sakit parang buong pagkatao ko pinupunit. Naramramdaman ko na rin ang pag-init ng gilid ng mga mata ko.

“A-Ang sakit” Naiiyak kong sabi. Gumalaw si Maxl sa aking leeg upang tignan ako, kitang kita ko ang pagnanasa at pag-aalala niya sa akin.

“You want me to stop, love?” Dinikit ko ang pisngi ko sa labi niya at umiling. “But—”

“It hurts but just keep going”

“If it really hurts, we won’t force it, love” she added to me. “It’s our first time and I know you can’t do it yet”

I shook my head at her several times. “It’s okay, it will disappear too”

“Are you sure?” She gave me a kiss on the cheek. “I love you”

“I love you so much, please move…”

She buried her face in my neck again. She moved slowly again and I felt the pain inside me again.

“Ah…” I couldn’t stop muttering.

I also feel that it’s just a little bit more and she will be able to enter her penis completely.

“Abby…” ungol niya sa pangalan ko. “I’m deep inside you”

I caught my breath when she entered me completely. It still hurts a lot but not as much.

“I’m going to move, love” she said sweetly. “The pain will go away, I promise”

She started to move, she slowly moved towards me so that I could be closer to her. Bumabayo na siya sa akin at nararamdaman kong bahagya nang nawawala ang sakit.

“A-Ah…” She slowly moved her hands to my thigh and slightly lifted it so that sh could thrust more from me.

“Fuck” she mumbled while breathing heavily. “Ang sarap mo”

“A-Ah! F-fuck…Maxl”

Bumilis ang paggalaw niya kaya wala akong ibamg nagawa kundi ang kumapit at umumgol sa kanyang tenga.

Sagad na sagad siya sa akin at ramdam kong natutusok niya ang nasa loob ko.

“S-Slow down!” Papikit ako sa sarap at bilis niyamg gumalaw. “L-Love”

“Ang  sarap mo, Abby”

Nalintekan na, sarap na sarap na siya sa akin ngayon.

“Ah…Fuck I can’t stop fucking you!” She moved faster and I wanted to lift my body because of the pleasure she was giving me. My nails are digging into her back.

“Ahh…ah”

“Hmm..ahh” She moved away from my neck and looked up while continuing to thrust my womanhood.

She’s so fucking hot, her sweat drips from her neck accompanied by her insane growling.

The sound of our bodies bouncing along with our grunts. Rinig na rinig ko iyon at mas nadadagan iyon para mas bilisan niya ang pagbayo sa akin.

“Ahh…” She made a long pause and full push causing me to cover my mouth.

“Oh!”

Hinawakan niya ang baywang ko, napatingin ako sa kaniya.

“Talikod”

“W-What?” She tilted my body until I stopped and touched her stomach.

“You want me to turn around?” I said weakly. She didn’t say a word, my legs were already sideways when she touched them.

“Yeah” She helped me turn around. “Let me fuck you again, Love”

“A-Ah” I moaned as she slowly inserted it again. She rode slowly until she sped up again.

“S-Slowdown…ahh!” She wrapped one hand around my waist while her other hand was on my boob. “M-Maxl…ohh fuck”

“Ahh…Abby” Her face sunk into my back while speeding up the movement, she was doing it very fast and full.

Her hand left my chest and went to my waist.

“F-Fuck!” I screamed. “M-Maxl!” Sinagad niya ang ari niya sa loob ko at muling binilisan na naman.

Tangina, hindi na yata ako makakalakad bukas.

She was doing it faster as if someone was chasing her. The bounce of both of our bodies is getting stronger and louder.

“Ahh…ah” I sank into the pillow.

“I’m cumming” She made it even faster, my legs are shaking again and I feel like I’m about to cum.

Damn it, I’m really cumming. I’m shaking so bad!

“I-I’m shakin…fuck”

I turn around slightly to stop her. I was shaking and was already come out but she still didn’t stop thrusting.

“N-Nilabasa—” She aggressively kissed me on the lips, tightened her grip on my waist and continued at her move.

“Malapit na ko…Fuck. Sorry but I really want to come inside you”

She pulled away again and looked up as she moaned and moved.

“Ahh…”

“M-Maxl…”

“Ahh…Yeah…” She slowly stopped but her slight thrusting was still there. “Oh”

When my body started to fall on the bed, she stirred me and laid me down.

I was so tired that I could barely open my eyes.

“I love you so much, Abby, I’m sorry I couldn’t stop myself. Happy monthsary again.” I felt a long kiss on my lips before I finally fell asleep.

Nagising ako nang msy naramdaman akong yumakap sa akin. Sobrang higpit at bahagya pang hinahaplos ang aking braso.

“Hmm” Dinilat ko ang aking mga mata. My eyes also saw the light in the window. I looked at Maxl’s arm around me and she was behind me.

I couldn’t immediately move to look at her because of the pain in my body and lower part.

Ito na ba yung sinabi ko kagabi na hindi na yata ako makkaalakad. Nangyari na. Binugbog ba naman niya ako kagabi.

Gigil na gigil

“Baby…” I heard her behind me, she moved, got up slightly and looked at me. “Are you awake?”

“Baby” I called when I saw her.

She didn’t say a word and started to get up. Get out of bed and come to my side. She is already wearing boxers but I can see that she has a morning erection.

She knelt down to give me a long kiss on my forehead. I closed my eyes and reached out to hug her

“Good morning, baby” she greeted me softly. “I wiped you last night. I didn’t put on your underwear because you might wake up and I know your body hurts, do you want me to massage you?” She told me so long that I couldn’t stop smiling too wide.

I just nodded on her neck while still smiling.

“I love you so much” Malambing na sambit ko. Lumayo aoo sa leeg niya at hinalikan ang labi niya.

“I love you” Pinanggigilan niya ang aking pisngi. “Kiss me again”

I kissed her again while still hugging her. Ilang beses kong ginawa iyon hanggat sa nakita kong natatawa na siya.

“Ganda mo, sobrang ganda mo” She repeatedly said to my cheek and she was kissing me again and again. “So how was my move last night?” she asked boldly.

Natawa ako at kinurot ko ang pisngi niya.

“Gigil na gigil ka sa akin no? Hindi naman ako tatakbo!” natatawang sabi ko.

“Sorry, I can’t stop myself. I really love to feel you…” Inabot niya ang aking pisngi. “I love you so much, Abby, I’ll never stop saying that to you.”

I smiled sweetly at her and pressed our forehead together.

“I love you so much, Maxl and I hope you know that too” I said sweetly and felt the caress of her. “Thank you so much for loving me, you and your love are what I will always ask for.”

“You don’t have to ask because I will give it to you willingly”

We were in that situation for a few minutes when she stood up. She took me off the bed and we went into the bathroom.

Binaba niya ako sa tapat ng shower at binuksan iyon. Bahagya aoong naginhawaan dahil sa tubig na iyon.

It was warm water that calmed my body too much. I wet my body in the water and Maxl hugged me from behind.

“Let’s go to the bathtub later…” she buried his face in my neck. “I can’t really let you go, I just want to hug and feel you all the time.” she added.

I also hugged hee arms hugging my stomach. I tilted mine slightly.

“Then hug and fell you anytime, baby” I said and kissed her forehead.

Clingy at lambing niya ngayon. Mas nadagdagan pa nga.

Tinulungan niya akong punasan ang aking katawan, siya rin ang naglagay ng shampoo at nagbanlaw para sa akin.

I am really happy when she serves me and never leave me alone.

“You okay?” Tanong niya pagtapos niya ako banlawan. Habang  ginagawa niya kasi iyon sa akin ay ginagawa ko rin sa kaniya. Mas nauna pa siya sa akin matapos. “Your body still hurts?”

Tumango ako.

“I’ll massage you later, baby” Malambing akong hinalikan sa labi bago ngumiti. “Bathtub?”

“Sure”

Binuhat niya akong muli at sumampa kami sa bathtub. Mas lalo ko lang yata na nagustuhan dahil sobrang kalmado at magustuahn ng katawan ko at mas makakapagpahinga pa ako.

Kung ganito lang araw araw hahayaan kong makulong ako sa bisig ni Maxl.

She was the first to sit before she helpd me to sit between her legs. When I leaned on her, she never forgot to hug me.

Sumandal ako sa kanya at dinikit ang aking noo sa kaniyang baba.

“It’s so warm, baby, it helps me calm down my body too” I said. She caresses my arm while listening. “I wish we could always be like this…”

“We’ve always been like this.” She pressed her cheek closer to my forehead. “We are very calm with each other. I only feel this way with you”

She pulled me closer. “I can’t lose you in my life, I will never let me lose you” Napangiti ako habang nakikinig sa kaniya. “I don’t know what I’ll do when you’re gone, I can’t even explain how you changed my life even myself, I know that you know how happy I am with you and how important you are in my life.”

“Just now I loved too much and gave too much to someone so I have too much to care, too much to appreciate because I know that something good will happen only once in my life so I won’t let it go. ..”

My heart was so happy while listening to her, in six months she told me more about her feelings, she told me more about what she really is. I knew her before. I know she’s a quiet person and doesn’t like to talk but when it comes to me it’s better and clearer. Nasasabi niya lahat, walang kulang at walang sobra kundi buo.

“So please let me do the things that I know you will deserve me. I can do anything but I know it’s complicated but I can do it. I will do it, just stay and see what I’m worth too much for you.”

I turned to her and hugged her. My heart was so happy to the point that I wanted to cry at everything she said.

“I love you so much if you only knew how much I love you” sambit niya nang kinukulong niya ako sa bisig niya.

“Please, marry me somebody…”

Tumango ako nang paulit-ulit sa kaniya habang pinipigilan ang mga luha ko.

“I will marry you and we will start a family…” I said to her crying. “I only want you”

“I know we’re not ready and we don’t want to have a child yet so don’t worry I won’t let you down because it’s still not in my plan to have children” Ginawaran niya muli ako nang halik. Lumayo ako sa kaniya nang bahagya.

“Baby, so cute” Hinalikan na naman niya ako sa aking pisngi nang paulit ulit.

Nagtawanan kaming muli at bago nagsalita.

“Paano kung butas pala condom mo kagabi?” Agad na tanong ko. Bahagya siyang natshimik at nagulat pero bumawi rin agad.

Kahit ako kinakabahan sa naging tanong ko.

“If yes, I will hold you accountable” I stared into her eyes because of her answer. She is the same to me but with a smile on her face. “I’m telling the truth. It’s true responsibility and I will take care of you and our child”

Napalunok ako. Kinabahan talaga ako.

“What about you? what if you’ll get pregnant?” balik niyang tanong sa akin. Bahagyang kumikot ang labi ko.

Alam ko kahit papaano ay kaya ko, oo sa una hindi pero dahil anak ko iyon alam kong kakayanin ko kahit mahirap.

“I’m going to continue my pregnancy, you’re not going to leave me, are you?” I know that she is not that kind of person.

She smiled and shook her head at me.

“Of course, No, I will not leave you and our child, especially you, you are the mother of my child so never. Whether we have a child or not because of what happened to us last night, I will never leave you” She assured me that with being calm and serious.

“Eh kung hindi nga mabuntis?” Natawa siya sa tanong ko kaya sumimangot ako.

“Then my condom doesn’t have a hole” She said laughing so I squeezed her cheek. “Okay, okay. If You didn’t get pregnant, it’s okay. I’ll always use a condom and I won’t cum you inside without a condom”

Kumikot ang labi ko. Totoo ba? Pakiramdam ko mas maliligayahan siya kapag sa loob niya pinutok. Bilib din ako rito kay Maxl, matagal maghihintay.

Ilang condom pa ang gagamitin niya kapag sasabak siya sa akin.

“Edi ilang condom pa gagamitin mo? Pwede naman huwag kang gumamit ng condom. Mag pill—”

Umiling sa akin agad.

“No, don’t drink anything dahil lang may nangyayari sa atin. I can do it and it’s not problem if I don’t cum inside you, love” she said gently. “What are you thinking? Tell me”

I snorted. “What if you feel better without a condom and cum inside me?”

“Do you really want me to cum inside you without condom?”

Hindi ako nakaimik. Umawang ang bibig ko habang siya ay nakatingin lang sa akin at naghihintay.

Before I could speak she was ahead of me.

“The use of pills has many side effects and I don’t want that to happen to you, that’s why I’m explaining, love” She reached for my cheek and caressed it. “When do you plan to have children?” she added. “Me, maybe when we are both ready and have enough for our future child.”

I smiled. Turns out we’re both the same.

“Maybe when I’m at the right age and when I’m ready.”

She nodded sweetly at me.

“So, are you okay with what we talked about?” She caresses my arm. “Tell me”

“Yes, I understand. I’m sorry…” I leaned into her cheek.

“I understand why you said that and asked. Dont be sorry…”

She gave me a kiss on the forehead again.

Chapter 22

“Baby, birthday ni Mom this saturday, want to come?” Nilingon ako ni Maxl habang naghihiwa siya ng apple habang ako naman ay hinahalo ang niluto kong pork sinigang.

“Of course, baby” Malambing sambit niya, dumantay pa sa akin para lang halikan ang aking pisngi. “What’s your mother favorite? gift?” dagdag pa niya. 

“Hmm…She loves luxury bags” Natatawang sabi ko dahil gawain talaga ng mga nanay ang magmahal ng mga mamahaling bag nila. Si Mom naman ay nakadisplay pa talaga sa kabilang kwarto niya.

“So, can you go shopping with me?” She asked me with a smile as she pressed her cheek to mine again. I laughed and hugged her and nodded.

“Sure, baby, I’ll buy Mom a present too”

She nodded at me before we separated from each other again. I put the freshly cooked pork sinigang in the big bowl while Maxl brought the rice cooker and sliced ​​apples to the table.

We put the food on the table and she also helped me get spoons and forks, water and other things we needed.

“Let’s pray before we eat, baby” She sat next to me and we prayed together and then she turned to me. “Thank you for the food”

“Welcome!”

Siya ang naglagay ng kanin, sabay at ulam sa aking pinggan, tinatanong niya rin ako kung tama na ba ang mga nilalagay niya dahil baka sobrang marami ang mga iyon. Sunod naman niyang nilagyan ay ang plato niya sakto lang din tulad ng mga nilagay niya sa aking plato. Nilagyan niya rin ako ng tubig sa aking baso habang nakangiti.

“Let’s eat”

Unang minuto namin ay tahimik kaming kumakain halata kay Maxl na nasasarapan talaga siya sa luto ko dahil ninamnam niya iyon lalo na ang sabaw.

“Your cook is delicious, love” she said while still sipping the soup and took a bite of rice and dish at the same time.

“Eat a lot” I nodded at her with a smile. “Thank you, it’s good that you liked my cook”

She chewed gently before I answered. “I hope you always cook for me like this”

“Would you like to try another dish?” I asked more.

“Of course I like it too but especially the first one you cooked for me, it’s already my favorite” Her eyebrows were still rising while smiling. “I’m cooking too, what do you want to eat?” she asked again.

Mas malapad na ngiti ang aking ginawa. “Bicol Express, baby”

Both of us smiled wider at each other.

“Oh, I know how to cook that. Do you like it super spicy?”

Sunod sunod namang ang tango ko. Sobrang namimiss ko rin ang kumain ng bicol express ang huling kain ko ay noong pasko pa na luto pa ni Dad.

“Oo!”

Tapos na kaming kumain nang humarap na sa akin. Hinawakan niya ang aking kamay na nilagay niya rin sa kaniyang hita.

“I promise I will cook you bicol express. When do you want it?” Malambing na tanong niya. Kumikot ang kaniyang labi sa sobrang kakangiti.

“Nababaliw ka na kakangiti” Natatawang sambit ko siya naman ay napanguso na lang sa akin. Parang nahihiya dahilan para abutin ko ang kaniyang pisngi at kinurot iyon. She blinked for a while as she felt my hand on her cheek.

“I don’t know but I’m really happy today, I’m even happier now in our relationship” she said sweetly.

“Me too, I love you so much and you’re so cute now”

“So when do you want it?” ulit niya.

“Maybe this sunday?” mabilis kong sambit.

Tumango siya sa akin habang nakangiti pa rin. Napatingin din ako sa kamay naming magkahawak at hinahaplos ng kaniyang hinlalaki.

“Let’s go shopping later?”

“Excited ka naman masyado” Tumawa kaming dalawa, siya naman ay napapailing na lang habang tumatawa rin.

“I’m excited to buy a bag for Tita”

Ilang minuto pa kaming nagkulitan bago naming napagdesisyunan na magligpit na. Siya naman ngayon ang naghuhugas habang ako ay nagpupunas ng lamesa, inaayos rin ang ilang mga gamit sa sala ko na bahagyang magulo at makalat.

Ilang minuto kong ginawa iyon habang abala naman siya sa kaniyang ginagawa. Mas maayos na rin ito dahil marami akong nagagawa dahil abala kami parehas.

Pagsapit naman ng hapon ay umalis na rin kami para bumili. Nagpunta kami sa mall na malapit sa dating mansyon nila. Napadaan kami roon kaya hindi ko maiwasang manahimik at malungkot, ilang buwan na rin silang hindi tumutuloy doon at hanggang ngayon never pa ulit akong dinala ni Maxl doon.

“Love, can I ask a question?” I said calmly, she looked at me for a moment before looking back at the road and nodded. “Aren’t you going back to the mansion?”

She shook her head.“No, I don’t want us to go back”

I kept quiet again, I gave her a small smile while still looking out the window.

“I don’t want to take you there anymore, we won’t go back to what happened there” She added. I looked at her again and reached for her hand.

“I understand, love, I’m sorry for asking…” she shook her head again and turned to me, a smile on her lips.

“I love you” she said softly.

“I love you so much”

Pagdating namin sa mall ay agad kaming nagtanungan kung anong brand ng bag ang gusto ni Mom. Sa pagkakaalam ko ay gusto niya naman ng Prada dahil iyon na lang ang hindi niya pa nabibili. Natawa na lang ako sa isip ko kapag naalala kong iyon na lang lagi dumadating sa mansyon noon araw araw, mahal niya pa yata kay Daddy ang mga collections niya.

“Prada? Sure, let’s go” Hinawakan ko niya ako sa kamay at hinila.

Nasa escalator kaming dalawa papuntang second floor dahil naroon ang Prada stall. Maxl and I just followed each other on the escalator but she didn’t let go of my hand.

My eyes fell on the first floor. My eyes almost squinted when some old man looked at me, my mouth dropped as he winked at me with a silly look.

I can’t be wrong, I only saw him for a moment and I remembered him again. He was the old man who took Maxcil’s father the second time I went to them. Anong ginagawa niya rito?

Sobrang lakas ng kabog nang dibdib ko nang makaapak na kami sa second floor. Napatingin ako kay Maxl dahil kitang kita ko ang ngiti sa mga labi niya habang papasok kami sa Prada.

Muli akong lumingon sa escalator, umaasang makikita kong sumunod sa amin ang matandang iyon pero hindi ko na siya makita pa. Sa sobrang daming tao hindi ko sila makita lahat.

“Baby” agad akong napalingon kay Maxl nang tawagin niya ako. Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa pero kita ko ang pag-awang at pagkunot ng kaniyang mukha. “What’s wrong? You look so scared?” Lumapit sa akin.

Napalunok ako at alanganing umiling. Hindi ko alam kung dapat ko bang sabihin na nandito iyong tatay ng tatay ng kapatid niya. Dapat ba? Pero gagawin ko palang iyon parang hindi ko na kaya dahil sobrang saya niya ngayong araw, sobrang saya namin ngayon pero makikita ko na naman ang isa sa mga taong dahilan kung bakit hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin matiwasay ang pamilya ng taong mahal ko.

“N-Nothing…Naiinitan lang siguro ako” Sorry, baby, I don’t want to ruin you being so happy with me and now.

“Oh, I have mini fan here” May ngiti sa labi niya nang kumuha siya sa kaniyang shoulder na mini fan. Binuksan niya iyon at tinapat sa aking leeg bago sa mukha. “Here”

Pinilit kong ngumiti nang sobrang lawak sa kaniya kahit ang totoo ay napapatingin ako sa likod niya dahil doon ay tanaw ko ang escalator, wala pa rin doon ang matanda.

“Thank you so much baby”

I was silent in our search, we went round and round because Maxl couldn’t choose a good colour that would suit Mommy while I was still nervous always looking at the escalator outside.

“Baby, look at this” Maxl presented me with the black and white Prada bag. “Do you think this is appropriate for Tita? This is the gift I chose for her” the smile couldn’t be removed from her lips.

I can’t help but go crazy again with my thoughts and control my feelings, I want to cry again. I want Maxl’s life to be really peaceful with her family and me but it’s not really happening.

Why is it that whenever she is happy there is always something in return?

“Bagay kay Mom, baby” lumapit ako at kumapit sa kaniyang braso. Kailangan kong kumalma, kailangan kong maging matatag din ngayon kahit sobrang binabalot na naman ako nang hindi magandang pakiramdam.

“Okay, it’s your turn”

Pumili na lang ako ng bag kaysa pumansin sa paligid ko. Baka namamalikmata lang talaga ako at nababaliw na naman ako.

Anim na buwan lang pala akong pinatahimik.

I was silent again while we were walking, I put my hand in my pants pocket and found the box ring there and that was my gift to Maxl that I still haven’t given.

“Baby, is it okay if I go to comfort room first? You stay here” I looked up at her because I was sitting and she was already standing. We were at a cafe stall and had a snack.

“Sure baby” She bent down and kissed my cheek. “I love you, be careful…”

“I love you always”

She left. I want to come but I don’t want to leave the food because I still haven’t finished it. I took out the box ring and put it to the side and looked at it, I want to give it to her later when she comes back.

Binuksan ko ang box ring at bumungad sa akin ang singsing. Napili ko ang charm ring para sa kaniya, bagay na bagay kasi iyon sa daliri niya.

Napangiti ako habang hinahaplos iyon. Ilang minuto ko pang tinignan at hinawakan bago ko muling sinara.

I hope she likes my gift because I know what I chose is perfect for her.

“You’re just here”

My jaw moved and my breathing slowed when I heard that voice. I just realized more and more that I am not wrong. He is here. That old man is here.

I can hear his step on the wooden floor along with his cane. It sat where Maxl was, in front of me.

It’s a good thing they didn’t look like Maxcil, Maxcil didn’t get how bad their behavior was because I’m sure it would have made the problem worse.

He leaned the cane on the edge of the table and looked at me again, his goofy smile still not gone.

“What do you want?” I said boldly. It laughed so my jaw moved even more.

“I want Maxl and Maxcil” It made a stern voice and gave it to me. I frowned at his answer.

Mismong mga apo nga niya hindi siya gusto. At baka nakakalimutan ng matandang na hindi niya apo si Maxl. Walang lolo si Maxl na mas masahol pa sa hayop.

Hindi ako nagsalita. Alam ko naman agad kung anong gusto niyang iparating. Wala na rin silang mararating kundi sila nagnakaw sa pamilya ni Tita Kristine.

“If you don’t want things to get worse and worse, force Maxl and his brother to come back to me”

Anong pinagsasabi niya? Paano ko pipilitin at ako pa ang magiging daan para bumalik sa kaniya sila Maxcil?

“Maxl is not your granddaughter and you can’t even treat Maxcil good.” Pabalang na ganti ko sa kaniya.

Kita ko ang pagkapikon sa kaniyang mukha ngunit pinilit niya paring maging makalmado. Tumawa ito habang nailing.

“I can–” I laughed out bitterly.

“I can treat them right because of their money” He red at what I said. Tootoo naman pera lang ang habol ng matandang to at ng pamilya sa magkapatid. “Bakit? naghihirap na ba kayo ulit?”

Gumalaw ang panga nito. Sa totoo lang natatakot ako sa pwede niyang magawa dahil sa mga sinabi ko pero iyon naman ang totoo. Totoo lahat ng binitawan ko at hindi ko iyon babawiin.

Ano bang gusto niya pa?

“Isang katulad mo pa talaga ang pinatulan ni Maxl.”

“At mabutii na lang talaga hindi kayo totoong pamilya ni Maxl.”

Hinampas nito ang table. Nagulat ang mga kalapit naming table pero hindi ako nagpatinag sa kaniya. Sobrang kapal talaga ng mukha nito.

“You know nothing!” it shouted angrily at me.

“I know nothing, it’s a good thing I know nothing because it might ruin you if there is anything I know” Ayoko talaga siyang patulan pero pinipilit niya ako. “Please leave, I don’t want to see your face, sir”

Muli siyang nagliyab sa galit.

“Pagsisishan mong sinabi mo ang lahat ng iyan sa akin.”

Tumayo na ito at umalis. Huminga ako nang malalim hindi ko maiwasang mapanginigan ng mga kamay at katawan. Napahilamos ako sa aking mukha bago humigpit ang hawak sa box ring.

Pumikit ako para pakalmahin ang sarili ko. Sobra akong kinakabahan at natatakot. I can’t control my feelings anymore. I feel like I’m going to lose control of myself again.

Pinakalma ko ang sarili ko. Pinilit ko ring ubusin ang natitirang pagkain sa plato ko bago tukuyang tumayo. Pupuntahan ko na si Maxl.

Hindi pa ako nakakahakbang nang makita ko siyang tumatakbo papalapit sa akin. Nanlalaki ang mga mata ko habang pinapanood siya at ang itsura niya.

Sobrang gulo ng damit niya, may dugo ang kwelyo niya at ganon din ang kaniyang mga kamay.

“Abby!” sigaw niya. Nagmamadali niya akong hinigit. “Let’s go!”

“M-Maxl!” Sigaw ko nang hatakin na niya ako. Pilit niya akong sinasabay sa mabilis at halos patakbo na niyang lakad. “A-Anong nangyari?!”

She didn’t answer me. She kept pulling me and we kept running. We used the  exit to get down to the parking lot.

“Fuck!” she was shouting while opening the car. “Sakay” dali dali akong sumakay nang may makita akong motor mula sa malayo.

Nang makapasok kami ay kaagad niyang pinaandar ang kotse. Hindi na siya makanda ugaga sa pag ikot ng manibela.

“Seatbelt, Abby” I did what she wanted, I was so tight on my seat and I was so nervous that I couldn’t really concentrate.

I really feel that we are here again in a situation where we know that we are both going to mess up again.

“M-Maxl” I called crying.

“Shh…I’m sorry but everything will be okay” Pilit niya ring pinapakalma ang sarili niya.

Mas binilisan niya ang pagpapatakbo ng kotse nang may sumabay na sa aming motor. Nasa gilid niya iyon.

“Fuck” My mouth fell open when a motorcycle came alongside me, I was surprised when it pulled out a gun and pointed at me.

“Abby, Yuko!” shouted Maxl. “Hold on tight” from crouching down I held tight to the dashboard. I felt the car moving fast and crashing.

Maxl hit the side of the car with the motorcycle. I closed my eyes even more when I heard it fall outside and some crash.

I hear a lot of noise, a lot of motorbikes and a lot of crashes.

Sunod sunod din ang pagmumura ni Maxl sa tabi ko habang nakayuko pa rin ako. “M-Maxl” nilingon ko siya.

Sobra akong naaawa at nag alala sa sitwasyon namin pero mas lalo lang ako nanghina nang makita ko siya.

I can see the tiredness, fear and anger in her eyes. Her face and eyes are red because I know it’s anger, she can’t hold it back but I know it shouldn’t be stopped. There’s nothing we can do, here we go again.

I was even closer and crashed into the door next to me when she drifted, I could hear the screeching of tiles and tires sobrang sakit sa tenga at nakakabahala.

I slowly looked up. No one is following us but I can still see Maxl’s scared and alert look in the review mirror. She looked there and in front.

“We’ll stop at the mansion, Abby” I turned to her. “We’re not afe, but It will hurt you more if we’re just here in the car. I called Aki, she’s coming.”

She made the car faster. I just closed my eyes and didn’t really move. I can’t do anything anymore, I don’t know what we will do.

“Aki!” We stopped in front of the mansion. She pulled me out. Naroon si Aki na may ilang kasamang kalalakihan. “Shit. Marami sila, ilan lang nabangga ko kanina.”

I was surprised when Maxl slightly pushed me against Aki, I quickly turned to her and grabbed her arm. “W-Where are you going?”

“I’ll get guns in the back. Go with Aki, Abby” Humigpit ang hawak ko sa kaniya,s sunod sunod na iling ginawa ko. “You don’t need to go with me…Aki” nilingon niya si Aki at tinanguan bago muling binalik sa akin ang tingin. “I can’t leave you in your dorm so I brought you here, I hope you understand…”

Bago pa ako makapagsalita ay umalis na siya ppauntang likod ng mansyon sumabay sa kaniya ang sampung lalaki. Ang naiwan naman sa amin ni Aki ay pito.

“Abby, halika na sa loob…” hinawakan ako ni Aki at inalalayan. “Sorry, Abby…”

I want to cry even more, no one likes it but they all always apologize to me. I feel like I’m also putting myself and them at risk.

What should I do? Should I follow what that old man said? and if i do that will they stop? Pero sinabi niyang ako ang maging daan para bumalik sa kanila yung magkapatid, hindi ko alam. Hindi ko maintindihan kung ano ba tapagang gusto nila.

Giangamit lang nila ako para sumuko si Maxl. Iyon ang gusto kong isipin at ako? alam kong marami silang paraan para mapasuko ako pero ayoko. Takot ako pero ayokong sumuko na lang.

Chapter 23

Trigger Warning: Violence, Blood, and Gore‼️‼️‼️

All my life I have never been like this, I will never dream of it being alive and being our life with the person I love together with the important people in our lives.

Because even Maxl didn’t ask for it or want it, she would never ask for something like this that she knew would harm all the people he loved. Even I myself can see from her that she just wants to leave everything but she can’t, she can’t do it because the situation will only get worse.

I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself down, my chest was pounding so hard that I couldn’t stop the shaking of my body. I’m so much more afraid of what’s going to happen next, the next time they can just ruin everything.

I felt someone hug me. It’s Aki.

“I don’t know how I can calm you down even a little, maybe this hug will do…” She gently and carefully caressed my back. I also know that she is worried about me and has no malice towards me. “Andy told me to protect you”

Pumikit ako kahit papaano ay bahagya akong kumapit sa kaniya. Si Andy pala, naging maayos na kaya sila noong nahuli ko silang nag-uusap? Maayos naman kaya ang kaibigan ko kahit papaano kay Aki at hindi sa pamilya nito?

“Are you sure that Andy is not going to here?” Malumanay kong tanong sa kaniya. Ayoko nang may madamay pa mas hindi ko kakayanin kung madadamay pa ang mga kaibigan ko sa gulong ganito.

“I tried, Abby, I even made a way so that she can’t follow me or follow me anymore…” Unti-unti akong tumango sa kaniyang balikat bago na ring lumayo at bumitaw. “Don’t worry, Maxl and me are going to protect you and Andy, okay?”

Pinilit kong ngumiti. We were both trying to calm each other down even though we knew it was very unclear what was going to happen. With so much confusion, it’s like we’re just gaslighting, everything will be fine and this situation will stop.

Aki and I were surprised when we heard motorbikes outside, I looked out the window, I saw many people passing by and stopped there.

“Abby!” Aki held my hand. “We have to hide!” she shouted but I didn’t move away. My eyes were looking for Maxl from the other window, I saw only a few accomplices of Aki but Maxl was not there. “Maxl will be fine! Please, let’s hide!”

“Where’s Maxl! Hindi ko siya makita!” Hinila niya pa rin ako paakyat ng second floor. “Aki!”

“Abby, kaya ni Maxl ang sarili niya!”

We both entered the guest room. From outside and in the living room we could hear shouting and commotion, I could hear things crashing and falling.

Aki approached the window and peered.

“Mga putangina talaga ng mga taong to!” sigaw niya. Humahagos siyang lumapit sa akin, hinawakan ang mga kamay ko bago nagsalita. “Makinig ka, Abby, kailangan mo ring lumaban, okay?” Hingal na hingal niya akong kinakausap.

Napakagat ako nang labi, pilit kong nilabanan ang sarii kong taranta para lang mapakinggan siya.

She pulled out a gun from his leg, inside her pants and showed it to me.

A gun.

“This…Maxl will kill me for sure if she finds out I gave you this.” She also took out a small knife, she made me hold everything again. “Use it in case I go out to help Maxl” Humigpit ang hawak niya sa aking mga kamay. “Everything will be okay…we promise”

She gave me a small smile before standing up. She took out her small knife and felt around again.

I heard a lot of banging and shouting around especially in the living room where I knew they were all there. Messing around and not losing. Humigpit ang kapit ko ang mga binigay sa akin ni Aki, ilang minuto kong tinignan iyon bago ko sinulot sa likod ng damit ko ang baril tanging kutsilyo lang ang hawak ko.

“Putangina ang baho ng kili-kili” May narinig akong sumigaw sa labas, ilang yabag din ang naririnig ko kaya mas lalo akong kinabahan. Mabilis akong tumayo, si Aki naman ay hinila niya ako patago sa kaniyang likod.

“Mga kasamahan ko” sabi niya. “Huwag kang mag-alala”

“Ma’am Aki!” Pilit na kinalampag ng taong iyon ang pinto ng guest room. “Bossing, kami ito!”

“Come in” The door opened and we were met by three men covered in blood and scars on their faces, they were still holding hammers with lots of blood on them. Pilit kong hindi mangiwi. Totoong bakbakan talaga.

Papasok na sana ang pinakahuling lalaking may peklat sa pisngi nang may humila sa kaniya. Napasigaw ako mabilis nito itong hinampas ng martilyo sa mukha, ang isa namang umakyat ay sinalubong ng lalaking mahaba ng buhok, hinila niya ito sa kwelyo pagtapos mataas na tumalon upang masipa ito sa mukha. Kitang kita ko pa ang pagkahulog ng lalaking iyon sa sala.

“Damn it” Mura nong lalaking nakalapit na kay Aki, hawak nito ang martilyo, nakuha niya pang kumaway sa akin. “Hello, Ma’am, ayos lang po si Ma’am Maxl sa labas”

“T-Talaga?” Kinabahan na tanong ko. Tumango siya sa akin.

“Muntik na nga akong mahagip ng suntok niya, mabuti nakaiwas ako” Napailing na lang si Aki sa lalaki. “Diego po pala”

Tumango ako sa kaniya at tipid na ngiti.

“Diego, bababa ako, ikaw na muna ang baha—”

Aki hadn’t finished what she had to say when the window on the side of the three of us broke, my eyes widened. Three people entered.

“Fuck!” Aki shouted as she rushed at him, she slammed her body into the man’s stomach and made him fall to the floor, she took the knife and I saw how she stabbed the man in the eye and deep in throat.

I stopped watching when Diego’s body hit the wall, the man also hit him so I stopped, I think he was even hurt because he had a scar on his shoulder made by the enemy with a knife.

Shit

Dali-ali akong tumango at tinalon ang likod ng lalaki. Sinakal ko siya at gamit ang isang kamay ko ay kinakalmot ko ang mukha niya, nagpupumiglas ito palayo dahilan para makawala si Diego sa pagkakadikit niya sa pader.

Nagsisigaw ito pero hindi ko siya tinigilan. Kahit may pagkakataon na pwede ko siyang saksakin din ay hindi ko magawa, pakiramdam ko hindi ko pa kaya.

“Ma’am!” Umalis si Diego sa pader.

“Abby!” Nahagip pa ng mata ko si Aki na tatakbo na sana sa akin kaso muli siyang sinalubong ng isang lalaki. “Diego, si Abby!”

Naging magulo ang galaw ng lalaki dahilan para ibangga niya ang likod ko sa bookshelf kahit napasigaw na ako sa sakit ay hindi ko siya binitawan pilit kong kinaskas ang kuko ko sa mukha niya.

Ilang beses niya pa akong binagga sa bookshelf at ilang beses at pwersa ko ring diniin ang kuko ko sa mukha niya pakiramdam ko nakabaon na ang ilan sa kaniya.

Diego hurriedly picked up the hammer, came in front of the man and slammed the hammer into his stomach with all his might. The man lost more and more but he just sat on the floor causing me to fall too. Napainda ako sa sakit ng likod ko at katawan ko, nakayuko ako habang pilit na sinsiilayan si Aki.

Hindi ganitong sakit ng likod ang gusto ko.

HInampas ni Diego sa likod ang lalaki dahilan para mas natumba ito, ilang beses niyang ginawa hanggang sa nawalan na ito ng malay.

“Ma’am!” Lalapit na sana siya nang may biglang pumasok mabilis na nawala sa amin ang mata niya, mabilis niya ring naiwasan ang pagtutok ng baril sa kaniya at walang sabing hinanbalos ang martilyo sa baba ng lalaki.

Napikit pa ako ng tumama ang ilang dugong lumabas sa bibig nito dahil tumalsik pa sa akin.

Dahan-dahan akong bumangon at patakbong tinulungan si Aki, nadadaganan din siya.

“Aki! Sigaw ko at nilabas ko na ang kutsilyong hawak ko, nanginginig man pero wala na akong dapat pang gawin kailangan ko silang tulungan. Hinawakan ko ang buhok ng lalaki at tinutok sa kaniya ang kutsilyo. Napatigil siya sa kaniyang ginagawa at binitawan si Aki. Napaubo naman ito sa pagkakahinga at unti unting bumangon.

“Isang maling galaw, hindi ako magdadalawang isip na gilitin ka” Daha dahan itong tumayo nakasunod lang sa kaniya ang aking kutsilyo.

Nang tumayo si Aki ay dun lang niya nagawang gumalaw, bahagya akong tinulak noong lalaki kaya hindi ako nagdalawang isip na isaksak sa kaniyang balikat ang kutsilyonh hawak ko. Napasigaw ito sa sakit.

Aki moved quickly, she pointed the gun she was holding at the man’s chin, my eyes widened as I looked at them but someone covered my eyes before I heard the loud gunshot that startled me.

The room became quiet again but not the pounding of my chest, I feel that at any moment I could pass out and lose my head. Hindi ko na kaya pero wala akong magawa.

Looks like after all this I need to see a doctor.

The palm that was covering my eyes gradually disappeared. My eyes first saw Aki standing next to the lifeless man on the floor. I swallowed and closed my eyes. I see Aki’s eyes full of concern and pity, especially when our eyes meet. I feel like we both don’t want to do this but we have nothing else to do, we have to do it and fight.

“Ma’am” Diego offered me a towel, he got it from the cabinet. “Magpunas po muna kayo”

Nanginginig ang mga kamay kong kinuha iyon, sobrang pagod na ako at ayoko na madagdagan pa ang lahat. When I reached it, my tears started to fall, I couldn’t stop it until I continued to wipe my face. I stuck the towel for a long time especially to my teary eyes when I put it away.

I saw blood, blood, it was only a little blood but I feel like I will carry it with me for the rest of my life.

Nanlalabo pa rin ang mga mata ko habang tinitignan ang mga iyon sa towel.

“Ma’am” kinuha iyon sa akin ni Diego at itinapon sa labas ng bintana. “I’m sorry…”

Silence enveloped us again, I wiped my eyes with my hands at look at the window. Pagod na ko.

“Let’s go…” Aki held me and slowly supported me to the door. “We’re going to find Maxl” dagdag pa niya.

I didn’t speak. I went out of the room with him, Diego hurried out and stepped downstairs because his two companions were there earlier.

“Liam, Evan” sabi niya. Nilingon siya ng mga ito. Nakahiga kasi sila sa hagdan at punong puno na rin ng dugo.

I swallowed even more when I saw the mess and covered in blood in the living room. There were too many people lying down and the things there were more damaged than before. Even if I want to cover my eyes I can still see everything over and over again.

“Gring..Gring” Napatingin silang lahat sa akin nang may tumunog. Nagmumula ang tunog na iyon sa aking phone na nasa bulsa ko. Dali dali kong kiuha iyon, si Mom ang tumatawag sa akin.

I was even more nervous when I saw him on my phone screen, my hands were shaking when I answered it.

“M-Mom!” I answered immediately but my world almost collapsed when I heard my cousins ​​screaming. Sobrang gulo sa kabilang linya, sobra ang pagsiisgaw ng mga lalaki kong pinsan.

“Tito Aviel!”

“Tumawag ka ng abulansya!”

It’s my dad!

I held my mouth while crying, I knew what was happening but I didn’t know where it came from.

“M-Mom! Anong nangyari!” sigaw ko. Kitang kita ko na ang paglapit sa akin ni Aki. “M-Mom!” umiiyak na tawag ko dahil puro iyak lang ni Mom ang naririnig ko at sigawan ng mga pinsan ko.

“A-Abby…p-please keep safe, o-okay? Keep safe n-no matter what happen!” it was so painful to hear Mom’s voice, a mixture of fear, pain and begging in her voice pleading with me. “Y-your dad going to b-be okay…i-i promise”

“Fuck! Liam!” Lumapit si Aki kila Diego na ngayon ay nakatayo na. “Magpadala kayo ng tao kila Abby! Sa mga Del Mundo!” nagsisigaw na siya.

“Yes, boss!”

Muling hinarap ako ni Aki na sobrang kabadong kabado at hingal na hingal na.

“M-Mom…”

“P-Promise me, A-Abby…”

“Mo—Mom! Mom!” sigaw ko nang maputol ang linya. Namatay na ang tawag habang ako naiwan akong nag-iisa, naiwan akong nakatulala lang sa phone ko ko.

My mouth opened, I inhaled while catching my breath, my eyes were spinning differently from the fear and what I knew.

“A-Abby…” Aki tried to hold me but I also tried to avoid. “A-Abb–”

“Everything won’t be alright…” I said in pain and crying. “Not anymore…” umiiyak ko siyang hinarap. “M-my dad, Aki…”

Mas lalo akong napahagulgol sa iyak. Sobra na, hindi ko na kaya pa ang mga nangyayari at hindi ko na kakayanin pang may mangyari ulit. Tama na.

Napahawak ako sa aking mukha habang umiiyak. Pilit ko pa rin nagpapakatatag kahit nauubusan na ako ng dahilan.

“Maxl! Andy!”

Napatigil ako sa pag iyak at napalingon. Nagtama ang paningin naming dalawa ni Aki, nanlalaki ang mga mata.

“Aki” nanghihinang sambit ko at nagmamadali kaming kumilos. Nagtatakbo palabas ng mansyon.

“Rico!” si Rico ang unang bumungad sa akin, kakabangon lang niya mula sa pagkakahiga sa damo.

“Abby! Si Andy at Maxl! si Andy!” namimilipit siya sa sakit. Kailan pa sila nandito?

Lumapit sa kaniya si Aki at tinulungan siyang makatayo. “Aki si Andy!”

Tinakbo ko ang distansya namin mula kay Andy at Maxl. Nasa damuhan sila pero mas kinabahan ako nang makita kong nakahiga na si Maxl sa damuhan.

“Andy!” sigaw ko nang makita ko siya. May lalaking nakapaibabaw sa kaniya, pilit siyang sinasakal at sinasalagayan niya naman ito.

Humigpit muli ang hawak ko sa kutsilyo.

“A-Abby…” napalingon ako kay Maxl nang bahagya siyang umangat. “A-Andy” nanghihinang tinuro niya si Andy.

My lips were tight when I saw her appearance, she had so much blood wrapped around her and she was weak.

“I’ll get you back!” I shouted.

I ran to the man on top of Andy and choked the man with my arm, I did that first so that he would move away from Andy.

I choked him until he slid down the grass, we both rolled until we stopped by a tree.

Sobrang ininda ko ang pagtama ng likod ko sa puno kung saan kami tumigil. Nabitawan ko siya dahilan para makalayo siya sa akin nang bahagya.

“Arg” pilit kong bumangon kahit sobrang sakit ng katawan ko. Pinulot ko ang kutsilyo ko sa gilid ko at dahan dahan na tumayo.

The man came at me but I avoided it, I bent down to avoid his punch. I raised my body slightly before stabbing the knife into his neck and I heard a gunshot.

The blood from his neck splattered on my face again. I let go of him and leaned against the tree. Napapikit at himinga sa sobrang lalim.

“Ah fuck” Yumuko ako bago muling tumingala. Babalikan ko na si Maxl sa itaas.

I returned to the top of the grass.

“Maxl! Maxl” I can hear my friends shouting Maxl’s name. I was in a hurry and when I saw them I stopped.

Hawak at yakap ni Andy ang duguan at walang malay na katawan ni Maxl.

I swallowed, inhaled and my eyes widened. Andy and I met our eyes, she was crying repeatedly shaking her l head at me.

“I-I’m sorry” her voice cracked apologizing to me.

Chapter 24

“Abby…” I looked up lifelessly at the person who called and was in front of me. “Don’t you want to come in?”

I didn’t speak. With so many things going on at the same time, I don’t want to see Maxl and Daddy, especially Mommy, I don’t want see her. I will only be crushed more.

Maybe I’d rather be the only one who felt everything they felt. I want to take it all back and own it but here we are, here I am again helpless.

Anytime I feel like giving up. I’m not sure I gave up right away because what happened to us was so bad and I’m so fucked up.

I looked down again, closed my eyes and tiredly washed my face. I felt Valerie sitting next to me on the stairs to the hospital. I haven’t been able to get in since I came here to rush Maxl I couldn’t because I completely gave up. Wala na akong kayang gawin sa mga oras na ito. Gusto ko na lang magpahinga, gusto ko na ng kapayapaan.

Hindi ko alam kung mali bang kinalaban ko ang lolo ni Maxcil pero mas kawawa ako kung hindi ko nagawang ipagtanggol ang sarili ko at hindi ko rin magawang ipagtanggol si Maxl sa kaniya.

Humawak si Valerie sa aking balikat, unti unti niyang pinahiga ang ulo ko sa balikat niya.

I let my head feel her shoulder, sapat na siguro ang ganitong pahinga at pakiramdam. Kahit papaano ay nakaramdam ako ng ginhawa.

“We’re always here Abby, we won’t leave you” I closed my eyes, feeling her every gentle touch on my arm. “I’m just here…” Pumikit ako at dinamdam siya nang buo.

I gradually felt someone caressing my hand. I slowly opened my eyes bumungad sa akin ang puting kisama at paligid.

Nasa hospital na naman ako.

Nakatulog pala ako kasama si Valerie sa labas kanina.

I turned to see who was holding my hand, she was also bent and her forehead rested on my hand.

“A-Andy” I softly called her. I know it’s Andy, she still hasn’t changed her clothes until now. Naramdaman ko ang pagtiigil ng haplos niya sa akin at mabilis na inangat ang tingin. “Andy…” tawag kong muli.

I want to cry again because I see in her, so much tiredness, fear and regret in her eyes. I can also see that she is looking at my eyes with pain and it’s like I’m not her friend.

I swallowed hard, trying to stop myself from getting emotional.

“A-Abby” tawag niya sa akin. Dali dali siyang tumayo. “Tatawag—”

Pinigilan ko siya. “Huwag na” masuyong sambit ko. Humigpit din ang hawak ko sa kaniya.

Muli siyang umupo sa tabi ko, nakayuko pa rin at pinipigilan ang sariling huwag umiyak pero unti unti nang tumulo sa balat ko ang mga luha niya.

It’s not her fault because like Rico, she also felt not for what kind of trouble I got into too. Hindi dapat siya nadamay, nabigo akong iparamdam iyon sa kanila.

“I-I’m sorry, Abby” Her shoulders were shaking as she cried and spoke, her voice was so broken. “B-Because of me—”

I shook my head, immediately reaching for her cheek.

“A-Andy…It’s not your fault…it’s not your fault” Nagsisimula na rin akong umiyak habang pilit ko siyang inaalo. Patuloy siya sa pag-iling pinipigilan niya ang kamay kong haplusin siya. “Andy…I-I’m not mad ple—”

“It’s my fault! Maxl is also fighting for herself b-because of m-me”

Umawang ang bibig ko habang pinapanood siyang inaalis ang pagkakahawak ko sa kaniya, umiiyak at patuloy na umiiling sa akin.

Sobrang naaawa ako sa sitwasyon naming dalawa, hindi siya dapat umiiyak at sinisni niya ang sarili niya nang ganito. Dahil hindi naman talaga dapat, sobrang hirap niyang tignan.

“A-Andy…Walang may kasalanan” pilit ko pa ring sinasabi sa kaniya ang mga katagang iyon kahit alam kong wala na akong magawa pa para hindi niya sisihin ang sarilli niya dahil nangyari na.

I didn’t realize that I was crying too, I couldn’t hold her anymore, not because I couldn’t anymore. I feel that I have also given in to what I have learned and happened.

Only the two of us could hear crying, full of crying and wailing that hurt so much in my ears and I wish I didn’t hear any more.

I’m tired of saying that everything will be fine but it just got worse and it won’t be that fine because I still can’t believe that my family will experience that, especially Mom and Dad.

“I’m not mad, Andy” was all I said as I slowly got up. “Don’t cry and blame yourself, I don’t want to see you like that” inabot ko ang kaniyang kamay. “We need each other, okay? And don’t blame each other”

Unti-unti siyang kumalma pero naroon pa rin ang mahihinang pag-iyak niya. Hinaplos ko siya.

“I’m going t-to my dad” She quietly wiped her face and stood up and helped me get out of bed. I bit my lip and couldn’t stop crying when I saw her face, I felt so sorry and hurt for her.

“Andy! Andy!” We turned around in the hallway, Aki was running towards us with some nurses behind her and stopping her. Umawang ang bibig ko dahil kitang kita ko sa kaniya ang takot at pagkataranta ngunit nang makita niya si Andy ay tumigil siya at mahigpit na niyakap ito. “A-Akala…a-akala ko kung ano nangyari sayo…” hingal na hingal na sambit nito, nanlalaki ang mga matang sinubsob ang kaniyang mukha sa balikat ni Andy.

With everything that happened, I can say that what happened was a literal fucked up, they literally gave us trauma and fear, leaving behind something that we never expected to happen.

Hindi na ako nagsalita pa. Hinanap ko na lang ang kwarto ni Daddy at iniwan sila. Kailangan nilang mag-usap sigurado akong takot na takot talaga si Aki dahil nagpunta sa akin si Andy habang tulog siya.

When I entered Daddy’s room, my chest was very tight, there was a heartbeat, but I was short of breath when I saw her. I can’t help but explain what I feel but I know it’s all a lot of regret. More than what I feel for myself.

I slowly walked closer to his bed even though my legs were too heavy even though my feeling and body were too heavy. My vision is very blurry while walking and looking at him, but I can still see the tube inserted into his mouth and many devices attached to his body.

It’s all my fault, it’s my fault why so many people in my life were able to be affected, it was just one decision of mine that affected them all.

I was already crying when I stopped at the side of his bed. My tears are falling on his arm, I can’t really stop it anymore and I can’t hide my crying voice anymore.

“I-I’m sorry, D-Daddy…” I knelt down and carefully held his hand. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do this with you and Mom…” My sobs got louder as I spoke and I tried to squeeze my face into his hand. “I-I’m sorry, D-Daddy…I-I hope you can forgive me…I don’t want this for you”

My father is a very good man, he is a very good father and husband to me and Mommy, I never even asked for something like this to happen to him because he does not deserve it, because he is such a good man, I would rather be the one lying in bed in bed instead of him. Hindi nangyari, ako pa rin ang naligtas at hindi nakaranas ng mga naranasan niya.

When I see him, I feel like I can’t wait him to wake up, I don’t want him to lie in bed for too long and while we wait for him to wake up and while I’m alive and all I do is cry. Mas hindi ko pa matatanggap ganito lang ang ginagawa ko habang siya ay nakikipaglabanan sa buhay niya.

I was crying silently in his hand, I guess I didn’t pay attention to how wet it was because I was holding him so much and I didn’t want to let him go because I felt that if I let him go I would lose him again.

Ayoko na nang kahit ano, isang beses palang nangyari pero pakiramdam ko suko na ako. Hindi ko ito nararamdaman o mararamdaman kung walang nadamay kung hindi siya ngayon nakahiga sa hospital bed.

Pakiramdam ko bibigay na ako. Pagod at hindi ko na talaga kaya.

“Anak?” Napamulat ako nang mata ko nang marinig ko ang boses ni Mommy, umalis ako sa pagkakadikit ko kay Daddy at nilingon ko siya. “Anak, tumayo ka na”

I didn’t speak, I let go of Daddy and let myself be helped and held by Mommy. We walked to the sofa by the window near Daddy. Umupo kami roon, si Mommy naman ang hinawakan ko, yumakap ako sa kaniya nang sobrang higpit.

Umiiyak na naman ako.

I felt her gentle caress on my hair, one of her hands also hugged me gently. Mas lalo akong umiyak sa bisig niya, hindi ko talaga mapipigilang umiyak sa ganitong sitwasyon pakiramdam ko marami pa akong hindi nalalabas na pakiramdam. 

I could hear my crying again accompanied by Mommy’s breathing, she stopped crying while holding me and caressing me.

“I-I’m sorry, Mommy” I said as I cried, my chest was so tight and I couldn’t stop crying and I could feel it now. Sa anumang oras pakiramdam ko masisira na dibdib ko at mawawalan na ako ng hinina. “H-Hindi ko g-ginusto—”

Ramdam ko ang pag-iling niya sa ulo ko. “W-Wala kang kasalanan, hindi mo kasalanan at walang may kasalanan” Pinipigilan niyang huwag maging sira ang kaniyang boses at pilit pa ring inaalo ako. “Hindi magugustuhan ng Dad mo kung sisisihin mo ang sarili mo…wala kang kasalanan, anak”

I closed my eyes and cried even more in her arms.

“I’m not mad, anak, and we can’t make you and your daddy mad anymore” He kissed my hair for a long time. “No sin, don’t blame yourself because you are also a victim of everything that happened…”

“It’s a R-Ramirez?” I held back until I said.

“I-It’s Maxwell…”

I can hear Mommy sobbing. “We thought he was just visiting for your daddy but no…”

“They had a good conversation but all of a sudden the conversation turned to you…he is forcing us to break up Maxl” her voice was weak. “’Your daddy didn’t agree because it’s not our obligation to get involved with you and Maxl, it’s your relationship”

Para sa ibang tao sobrang babaw lang ng gusto nila pero sa amin hindi, ginawa nila yun dahil para sa pera kahit sarili mismong mana ni Maxl hindi niya magagadang ibigay kapalit lang ng buhay ng iba.

“All your cousins ​​were in the pool area while we were in the grass near the gate, he did it quickly right in front of me he shot your Daddy” muli akong pumikit, sumiksik sa kaniya at umiyak. Marinig ko lang masakit na paano na lang kaya kung ako pa mismo ang nakakita ng lahat ng iyon. Baka mas gustuhin ko pang mabaril na lang din.

Mommy cried more and more as she hugged me so tightly, it felt like my heart was really breaking at this time, I think this is the most painful thing that has happened in my entire life.

I only got to choose my side once but it turned out to be different.

“B-But your Dad is strong…He can’t leave us…That’s what he said before he passed out,” said Mommy while her voice still shaking. Pilit ko rin na binigyan siya ng haplos at comfort sa katawan. Ayokong maramadamna niyang mag-isa dahil kami na lang ang isa’t-isa na meron si Daddy, hindi namin siya pwedeng magising.

“Daddy won’t wake up yet, Abby…he’s in bad shape so he’s still fighting for his life”

Dahan dahan akong tumango kahit sobrang sakit lahat ng narinig ko. Hindi pa siya magigising agad agad, hindi pa namin siya magigising agad dahilan para mas lalo akong matakot para sa amin ni Mommy, alam kong malakas si Daddy kahit alam kong mahihirapan siya ginagawa niya pa rin dahil gusto niya pa ring makasama kami.

He still hasn’t let us down and he never will let Mommy and me down.

Ilang minuto kaming nasa ganoong posisyon. Sobrang dinamdam ko ang yakap at mga bisig ni Mommy sa akin. Sobrang nangungnulila talaga ako sa kanila ngayon, hindi ko alam kung nagkamali pa ako o ano pero alam ko namang wala akong pinagsisihan. It’s really hard lang talaga.

“I visited Maxl”

I was stunned, not because we were talking about Maxl again, I remembered how I had seen Andy cry while holding and hugging her while she was unconscious and bleeding.

Parehas lang naging trauma, makita ko man o marinig ko lang. Ikakasira na naman at nasira na talaga ang buhay ko.

“The Doctor said Maxl will wake up after two days or more”

Mag-isa akong nakatayo sa harapan ng pintuan kung nasaan si Maxl. Nakatayo lang ako na para bang anumang oras na papasok ako ay may bubungad na naman sa akin na ikakaiyak ko.

Napasinghap ako at dahan dahan kong hinawakan ang doorknob at pinihit upang makapasok.

I found her again, I found her too but I didn’t like how I see her now either. Biting my lip and holding back tears, I entered and closed the door.

The two of us are together again but I can’t feel it, I feel what’s missing, we’re both missing so much now. Kahit magising o gising siya pakiramdam ko parehas lang kami ng kung anong sasabihin namin sa isa’t-isa.

Lumapit ako sa kaniya, umupo sa upuan na nasa gilid niya. Masuyong inabot ko ang kaniyang kamay upang hawakan. I closed my eyes and let out a heavy breath.

When she wakes up I don’t know what to say, I don’t know what happened to her family, I don’t know what happened after all in her mansion before he was shot and passed out. Mas hindi niya rin kakayanin malaman na pamilya ng kapatid niya ang dahilan kung bakit nadamay din ang pamilya ko.

Because she and Maxcil have no fault, we are all just victims, we are victims of a family that did nothing but join the money and power, even if someone is killed, it will be ignored.

“I-I’m sorry…” Tanging nasabi ko na lang. “It’s not our fault and it’s not your fault if anything happens…” nagsimulang mabasag ang boses ko, pilit ko pa ring nagsasalit sa kamay niya. “B-But…I-I am tired of t-this…pakiramdam ko hindi ko na kaya pa”

I cried because everything I said was true, it only happened once but I feel like I have nothing left, nothing left of us. Pakiramdam ko naubos na agad ako.

Hindi na ako nakapagsalita pa, umiyak na lang ako nang umiyak sa kamay niyang sobrang higpit ng pagkakahawak ko. Sobrang bigat ng pakiramdam ko, hindi ko na maipaliwanag ng lahat ang tanging alam ko lang, pagod na ako, pagod na talaga ako.

Siguro kung wala lang nadamay hindi ko ito mararamdaman. Siguro hindi ko ramdam na pagod na ako at ubos na.

I just want to live happily with Maxl and I also want her to live very lightly from her family but it’s not happening, can’t that be given for her? That’s all I ask for, that’s all and nothing else. Wala pa rin.

Honestly, we don’t need to be like this, we don’t need to experience this even between two of us, but no, it’s necessary when we have feelings for other people. Kailangan pa naming isakrispisyo ang lahat.

“P-Please be strong…” Ginawaran ko ng halik ang kaniyang kamay. “I love you..please…I love you always”

Lumipas ang isang araw na wala akong ibang ginawa kundi ang magpabalik balik sa kwarto ni Daddy at Maxl tanging silang dalawa na lang ang kinakausap ko kahit hindi sila nagsasalita o kung naririnig ba nila ako.

Silang dalawa lang ang tanging kinakausap ko, mga pinsan ko at kaibigan ko bihira na lang. Mas gusto kong masubaybayan kung anong nangyayari kay Maxl at Daddy.

Hanggang ngayon naghahanap pa rin ako ng balita tungkol sa pamilya ni Maxl dahil walang kahit sino ang bumibisita sa kaniya, tanging ako lang ang napupuno sa loob ng kwarto niya at kung minsan doon na ako natutulog may kasama lang siya at masamahan ko siya.

I sighed as I looked at the cup of coffee I was holding. I looked at Maxl, who was still sleeping.

“Don’t I have—”

I turned to the door because someone rushed in there. My eyes widened because that person’s face was so wrapped that I became alarmed.

“Sino ka?!” sigaw ko.

Nagulat din siya nang makita ako, tinaas niya ang dalawang kamay niya na para bang pinipigilan ako.

“W-Wait! It’s A-Amanda!” Mabilis niyang tinaggal ang mga nakabalot sa kaniyang mukha. It’s Ate Amanda.

“A-Ate” dali-dali akong lumapit sa kaniya at niyakap siya. Niyakap niya ako nang sobrang higpit. “Ate…” punong puno ng emosyong tawag sa kaniya.

“I-I’m sorry…” I could feel the tiredness and fear in her voice so it made me feel even heavier. “H-Hindi ako agad nakapunta”

Umiiling ako, paulit ulit dahil kahit wala pang paliwanag, alam ko na kung anong dahilan.

Bumitaw kaming dalawa sa isa’t-isa, isang pilit na ngiti ang ibigay ko sa kaniya bago ako gumilid, kita ko kung paano mas lalong bumigat ang mukha niya. Kahit sino naman hindi magugustuhan ang kahit sino na nakahiga sa hospital bed.

I let her come and sit by Maxl’s side, she reached for her hand and nuzzled her face.

“S-Sorry” she apologized while crying. “I-I’m here…sorry”

I quietly pulled out a chair and sat next to her. I’m still looking at Maxl and still sound asleep.

Hindi ko na narinig pang nagsalita si Ate Amanda, pakiramdam ko kinakausap niya si Maxl na siya at silang dalawa lang ang nagkakaintindihan. Nanatili akong tahimik sa tabi niya tanging ang mga mata ko ay nasa maamong mukha ni Maxl kahit pa sobrang dami niyang benda.

Dahan dahan bumitaw si Ate sa kaniya, sumandal sa upuan dahilan para bahagya ko siyang lingunin. Our looks and body language are enough to know how tired we are, very tired. So fucking tired.

Iniwas ko ang tingin at nagbaba. Wala na akong masabi, nauubusan na ako ng dapat pang sabihin. Dahil wala namang mangyayari lalo lang nagiging malala ang lahat.

I felt Ate Amanda move beside me but I didn’t look at her.

“L-Lolo Cedric and Sr. Zamora are both dead”

I felt like I was deaf when I heard that, I lost my hearing so much that I only heard the pounding of my heart. I slowly turned to Ate, her crying was getting worse.

“A-Ate” naninikip ang dibdib na tawag ko.

“M-Maxcil…h-he shot him…”

Chapter 25

“W-What?”

Suminghap si Ate bago muling nagsalita. “Maxcil shot him ’cause his Lolo holding tita Kristine” mas lalo siyang suminghap, bumaba ang tingin at mariin na napapikit. “D-Dahil mismong Lolo niya tinutukan si T-Tita”

Kumukurap ang mga mata ko habang nakatingin at nakikinig sa kaniya. Sobrang bagal ng hininga ko at pakiramdam ko kakapusin na naman ako ng hininga.

“L-Lolo Cedric…dead, he protected me…” muling umiyak siya, humagulgol at humikbing muli. “I-It—”

Mabilis ko siyang hinawakan  at paulit ulit na umiling sa kaniya.

I’m tired of blaming ourselves especially when it’s really not our fault and we didn’t want to be victims of what happened and we never want anyone to get hurt because of us. Iyon ang kahit kailan na mali at hindi dapat pero dahil sa sobrang lala, wala, wala kaming magawa kundi akuin at sisihin na lang ang lahat.

It’s like we’re imprisoned now, imprisoned in a situation where we have to die on our conscience and we shouldn’t live peacefully.

It’s so hard not to blame yourself, the situation is so hard right now. And getting worse.

Niyakap ko siya at kinulong sa akong bisig. Pinipigilan ko na rin ang sarili kong maiyak pero mas nananig ang kung ano sa nararamdaman ko.

“Naging mabilis ang lahat…nilibing na si L-Lolo…h-he wants us…to leave this country”

Parang mas lalo akong nabingi sa narinig ko. Mas lalo akong nakaramdaman ang kirot at kaba sa dibdib ko.

I knew immediately what it meant, I knew it and I didn’t have to ask. Mabigat man pero naiintindihan ko, naiintindihan kung kahit si Maxl kasama sa plano na iyon.

“W-Where’s T-Tita?”

“U-Umalos na sila ni Maxcil…I can’t bear to see Tita na mamimili kung sinong uunahin niya…Maxcil needs to see a doctor right now and he’s so fucking unstable…” Gumalaw siya sa aking bisig. “I-I understand Tita even if she wants to take Maxl and come here but Maxcil is also !need to her” I cried even more from what she said, I cried because even I was in Tita’s position…maybe I don’t even know if what can i do and can i choose. Sobrang hirap.

Sobrang hirap noon para sa isang ina. Nag-iisa ina na dapat may katulong  siya para sa mga anak pero wala. Mismong asawa niya pa ang sumisira sa pamilya niya.

I don’t need to question that. I’ve heard enough, I can never even question what a mother’s decision was or Tita’s decision was.

I’m in position or I’m not. I will never get over the work of a parent who will do anything for their children. Hinding hindi ko magagawang diktahan.

“W-What’s y-your plan?” Nahihirapang tanong ko sa kaniya. “I will l-let you stay with and M-Maxl…”

Saglit siyang tumahimik at hindi nagsalita. Tanging iyak, hikbi at hagulgol lang ang naririnig ko sa kaniya.

I closed my eyes and feel her in my arms. She need me, she need someone right now.

“K-Kailangan ni Maxl malaman ito lahat…” Mahinang boses ang ginawa niya ngunit sapat na iyon para maintihan ko. “A-Abby…she also need to leave”

I closed my eyes even more and cried as I hugged her, no one came out to cry for me but my chest was very heavy and painful. I feel like I have a lot to lose at this time.

But I know Maxl will have more trouble with what she finds out, she won’t be able to handle it.

“I-I’m sorry, A-Abby…”

No. Wala siyang dapat ikahingi ng tawad. Sobrang wala at wala siyang karapatan huminga ng tawad sa akin.

Ako na yata ang pinakamaintindihing tao sa lahat. Kahit mismo ang pag-alis ng taong mahal ko naiintindihan ko. Dahil kagaya ko hindi ko kaya lahat ng nalaman ko sa pamilya niya, ako pa yung naubos, ako pa yung sobrang nabibigatan.

Why do we have to go through all this? What did we do in our lives before to make us suffer like this?

There’s just one thing I can’t understand, that’s the why we have to experience and feel like this.

I know that life is very precious and hard but not in this situation where something has to be lost and something must be destroyed.

Pati ang sarili namin nagawa nilang sirain.

“I-I understand Ate…”

“S-Sorry…sorry A-Abby”

“Abby…” I looked at the person who called me. Aki and Elijah were there. “I’ll take care of Ate…” we turned to Ate Amanda who now fell asleep in my arms, I still hugged her and when I saw that she was asleep I hugged her even more.

“S-Sorry ate…kailangan pa nating maranasan ang ganito…” mahinang bulong. Ginawaran ko siya ang halik sa noo. “Magpahinga ka na muna…”

Hinayaan ko siyang kunin sa akin ni Aki. Binuhat niya si Ate at nihiga sa sofa na malapit lang sa kama ni Maxl.

I looked at the still sleeping Maxl again, I couldn’t help but cry as I watched him with a very bossy face sleeping.

I approached her bed again and held her hand.

“Love…ate Amanda is here. She’s here…they haven’t forgotten you” Pilit kong pinatibay ang boses ko kahit turog na turog na naman.

Naramdaman kong may tumabi sa akin, ipinatong niya rin ang kamay niya sa kamay kong nakahawak kay Maxl. si Elijah.

“O-Oo nga…gumising ka na dyan. Miss ka na namin lalo ni Abby” Mas lalo akong naiyak dahil sa boses ni Elijah, kahit among comfort ang ginawa niya ramdam ko ring nasasaktan siya at hindi na naitago.

Idinantay ko ang ulo ko sa balikat ni Elijah, hinawakan niya ako agad at hinagod ang aking braso.

“Magiging maayos din ang lahat, Abby…” Hinaplos niya ang kamay ko. “Pasensya ka na ha…hindi naman dapat ganito ang nararanasan natin.”

Tahimik si Aki na pinapanood kami, nakaupo na siya sa sahig habang hawak si ate Amanda.

Ilang minuto kaming naroon at sobrang tahimik. Parehas na kaming mga hindi nagsalita at nakikiramdam na lang.

“Abby…gusto mo ba dalawin si Rico?” Muling hinaplos ni Ej ang balikat ko. “Naroon si Andy at Ida”

Nang marinig ko ang pangalan ni Ida ay hindi ko na naman maiwasang mabahala. Nadamay na naman si Rico kagaya nong nakaraan.

Tumango ako. Bumitaw na siya sa mga kamay namin, kumilos at unti unti akong inalalayan.

“Dadalawin ko lang si Rico, love…nandito si Aki at ate” Ginawaran ko nang matagal na halik ang noo ni Maxl. “Mahal na mahal kita, babalik ako.”

Hawak ako ni Ej habang papalabas kami ng kwarto ni Maxl, tahimik lang ako nakahawak din sa kaniya at wala sa sarili. Wala na talaga akong pakiramdam…pakiramdam ko dami talagang nawala sa akin.

Paano ko na aayusin ang sarili ko nito? Paano talaga kung tuluyang umalis na si Maxl? kakayanin ba naming gamutin ang sugat namin ngayong wala na kami sa isa’t-isa?

Maybe…maybe we can handle it but I feel that we both lack each other for everything that has happened.

I can do it but I can’t do it anymore, we don’t know what we will choose.

I love her and I don’t want her to leave but I wouldn’t want her to stay with me if the family needs her and she needs them too.

We are both not selfish and I don’t want us to be selfish just because we can’t leave each other. Sa sobrang daming dapat isipin, alam kongg mahirap hindi maging selfish.

“Just cry…” Muli kong naramdaman ang pagyakap sa akin ni Ej. “I’m here.”

“P-Pagod  na ko, Ej” Umiiyak na sabi ko habang nakasubsob sa balikat niya. “P-Pagod na akong…mag-isip”

Mas humigpit ang yakap niya sa akin. Sobrang higpit na umabot na sa puntong mas gusto kong umiyak lalo. Kulang pa lahat ng nilalabas ko pero pakiramdam ko sumasabog na talaga ako sa loob ko.

“Let yourself be tired…and I understand you”

I didn’t do anything else but cry in her arms, I cried so much that I couldn’t stop how loud I would sob. All I want to do is cry and cry until I have nothing left.

My heart is so broken, I can’t hold on to anything for myself. It’s really heavy, I can’t do anything but torture myself with so much crying and pain.

Napapagod na rin akong umiyak pero ito na lang ang tanging nagawa ko.

Nang magkita kami ni Rico ay pilit na ngiti lang  ang ginawa niya sa akin. Pinalapit niya ako sa kaniya at niyakap.

Naroon si Ida pero hindi ko magawang tumanggi rin sa kaniya dahil nag-alala rin ako para sa kaniya, hindi ko rin siya masyadong nadadalaw dahil abala ako kay Daddy at Maxl.

“Nandito lang ako at kami” masuyong sambit niya.

Hinawakan niya ang aking buhok bago bumitaw sa akin. “Malakas ka, Abby…sobrang tatag at lakas mo. Naniniwala ako sayo palagi”

Napakagat ako sa aking labi, nakayuko at umiiyak na naman.

“It’s hard but don’t forget that we’re here for you…you’re not alone so don’t fight alone. Maxl won’t like that.” Tumango ako habang nakayuko at umiiyak. Niyayakap na rin ako ni Andy sa aking tabi.

“You heard, Abby.” masuyong sambit ni Andy habang umiiyak din. “You are not alone, I hope you don’t forget that”

Not a single day passed that I did not forget to visit Daddy and Maxl, back and forth without missing a beat.

Rico, Andy and Aki are also feeling fine.  Andy, on the other hand, is having a therapy session, seeing a doctor because I know the impact that happened to Maxl had on her. I know to this day she blames herself because she still cries every time she visits Maxl.

And me, I don’t know kung kailangan ko pa ba non? sa sobrang namanahid at nadurog na ako pakiramdam ko kahit anong gamot hindi na tatalab sa akin kahit pa ang doktor.

I slowly got up from the sofa, I just woke up and fell asleep too late last night. I talked to Maxl all night even though I don’t know if she can hear me or not.

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kama niya. At nanlalaki ang mga mata ko.

“Abby…” My mouth fell open, my chest pounding so hard while looking at her.

She is awake. Maxl is awake!

“I’m awake” she repeated. I can see her tears flowing.

I slowly stood up from the sofa, still looking at her in disbelief. I have mixed feelings, but somehow I’m happier because she’s awake.

I slowly came closer to her, I held her hand that was shaking. I cried looking at her.

“M-Maxl” was all I could say. Umiiyak kaming nagtanguan sa isat isa. “G-Gising ka na”

“G-Gising na ako…” Inabot niya ang aking pisngi. Humawak ako sa kamay niyang nakahawak sa akin habang umiiyak pa rin.

“M-Masaya ako…sobrang saya ko”

I put her head on my shoulder, I hugged her very tightly while rubbing her back. I could feel her crying and wailing, I couldn’t care less, the only thing I wanted to do was hold her. I really miss her being in my arms and holding her again this tight.

Ginawaran ko ng halik ang kaniyang buhok nang matagal.

“We’re waiting for you to wake up…” Naramdaman ko ang pagtango niya sa aking balikat.

“M-Maxl” napatingin ako sa tumawag sa kaniya. Si ate Amanda. Bitbit niya ang dalawang paper habang nanlalaki ang mga matang nakatingin sa aming dalawa. “G-Gising ka na”

Bumitaw ako kay Maxl. “O-oo, ate…nang magising ako gising na siya”

Ate Amanda eagerly approached Maxl and hugged her very tightly. I saw how she started crying again while holding her cousin. Maxl hugged her tighter and she also cried with her.

I smile and cry watching them. As I know, Ate Amanda is very anxious for Maxl to wake up, not because she has to take her too, but because she wants to wake up because she’s too worried and can’t see Maxl lying in bed for too long.

I also saw my friends come in, they were just as surprised to see Maxl awake, I could also see their joy and excitement something I hadn’t seen in a few days.

Hinayaan ko silang magkasama ni ate Amanda at alam ko sa mga oras na ito. Malalaman na ni Maxl ang lahat, hindi pwedeng hindi niya malaman iyon dahil sila na ang unang magkasama.

We were just outside while waiting with my friends and Aki was next to Andy.

“Abby, what’s wrong?” Rico asked. He held my hand. “It’s like you’re so nervous”

I turned to Aki, we both looked at each other. I know she already knows because she has been with Ate Amanda. I bit my bottom lip.

“Ate going to get Maxl” tanging nasabi ko na lang. Nagbaba ako muli ng tingin. Si Andy naman ang humawak sa akin.

“What do you mean, Abby?” tanong niya sa akin nang sobrang pag-aalala. “Why—”

“Maxl’s Lolo and Maxcil’s Lolo are both already dead” si Aki ang pumutol sa sasabihin ni Andy.

Muli kaming binalot nang katahimikan, sa sobrang tahimik mas nabibingi ako sa sobrang kaba at takot na nararamdaman ko. Dapat mas masaya akong gising na si Maxl pero mas lalo akong nag-alala sa kaniya. Dahil kahit hindi pa man sabihin ngayon ni Ate sa kaniya ang lahat siguradong magtatanong naman siya.

“Kukunin ba ni ate Amanda si Maxl?” si Ej. Tumango ako.

Ate won’t force Maxl if she doesn’t want to, but with her family’s situation, she can’t not think about it even if she refuses Ate. There are so many reasons, so many things can happen and I know it’s going to be messy again now that she’s just woken up.

I’m scared because I know she can’t fight again, he can’t emotionally, she can’t do anything now and she hasn’t even regained her strength.

Isa pa. Habang tumatagal ay para na rin akong nababaliw, hindi pa rin nagigising si Daddy at pakiramdam ko unti unti na talaga akong sumusuko. I want to fight but I really can’t. Anytime I can give up and completely give up.

I can’t bear to see Mommy always crying, struggling and always waiting about Daddy, it’s painful to see and as their daughter, I feel that their feelings come from me. Buhat na buhat ko ang mga iyon at masasabi kong mas mabigat pa sa pakiramdam ng kung sino.

“Anong balak mo?” naging masuyo ang tanong sa akin ni Rico.

Umiling ako agad. Sa ngayon hindi pa, sa ngayon hahayaan ko na muna kung gusto pa akong makasama ni Maxl bago siya umalis. Sa ngayon hahayaan ko na muna kung ano ang desisyon niya.

“Hahayaan ko na muna si Maxl…kagigising lang niya, ayokong mahirapan na naman siya lalo”

Alam kong mahirap na kung malaman niya pero ayoko na dagdagan pa ang kaniyang bigat.

Humigpit ang hawak ko sa kamay ni Andy at Rico.

“Hindi ako magiging makasarili…” mahinang sambit ko. “Hindi ko iyon kayang gawin sa kaniya. Kung aalis siya, alam kong sa ikabubuti ng lahat iyon.”

“We are here for whatever your decision” si Ej.

“Salamat…” Lumapit sila sa aking tatlo at niyakap ako nang sobrang hhigpit.

We were outside for a few minutes. I was just leaning on Andy’s arm, I also needed to calm down somehow and rest before I could talk to Maxl. Naatat na rin akong makausap siya at makasama ulit.

Maya maya pa ay may nakarinig na akong ingay sa loob. Napatayo ako agad. Si Maxl ang narirnig ko.

“No! My Lolo is not dead!” rinig kong sigaw niya. Lumapit ako sa pintuan habang nakikinig. “Ate!’

“I-I’m sorry, Maxl” napaawang ang bibig ko nang marinig ko ang boses ni ate Amanda na sobrang durog na durog.

My eyes blinked, and wet again from what I was hearing especially from Maxl. Just now I heard her very hurt, very crushed and I don’t know what tone of her voice she will do.

“He’s not dead! Sabihin mong nagkakamali ka lang!”

“B-But…it’s true, Maxl…Lolo is dead” Ate’s voice was crying as she spoke, I was just listening but I felt like she was talking to me and Maxl was yelling because of the pain she felt and knew. Sobrang sakit marinig ang boses niyang mas lamang pa sa kung anong nararamdaman ko.

“W-Where’s Mom and Maxcil?”

“Max need a doctor…Tita also…I’m sorry, Maxl but Tita is having a hard time to choice between you and Maxcil…Maxcil needs her”

“I understand that…How’s Max—”

“Maxcil kill his Lolo, Maxl”

They were enveloped in silence again, very quiet again and as I found out, it was the same as the silence between the two of them.

“B-But…Maxwell…shot Abby’s D-Daddy…”

“What?!” Maxl’s voice became louder and tougher. “What did you say?!’

But Ate Amanda only answered her by crying at the same time as I covered my mouth and started crying again.

“Ate, ulitin mo ang sinabi mo!” sigaw niyang muli. “Totoo ba?”

“Oo! Totoo! Nandito rin ang Daddy niya!” nagsisigaw na rin si Ate Amanda. “Look Maxl, We are all victims here, we all do not like what happened. I’m here because I also intend to take you, I won’t force you but I can’t not follow Lolo’s last order”

“H-hindi ko kayang umalis dito kahit gusto ko…”

Napapikit ako. Ayokong piliin niya ako ngayon, ayokong piliin na niya ako ulit.

“I need them both, Ate…” mahina ngunit sapat na ang pagkakarinig ko. “I want to leave but I can’t leave Abby here…”

She doesn’t want to leave but I want her to leave because that is more than enough reason for her to leave me. We are both uneasy about the current situation.

I’m happy that she’s awake so I just want to focus all my time on Daddy. He’s the only one who hasn’t woken up yet and he’s also one of the reasons why I’m not feeling much better yet. Siya pa rin ang dahilan kung bakit sobrang kulang ko ngayon.

He’s my father and I can’t do anything in my life without him and Mom.

“I won’t force you…but think about it…I already told Abby about this and I also feel guilt ’cause it’s our family issue, nagging dahilan din tayo bakit nadamay sila…” 

Nanatili ako sa pinto, umiiyak pa rin ako hanggang sa bumukas iyon. Umiiyak na mukha ni Ate Amanda ang bumungad sa akin. Tinanguan niya ako nilugawana ng pagkakabukas ng pintuan.

Pumasok ako nang dahan at siya namana ng lumabas.

I saw Maxl bend down again, holding her face, caressing it and I could hear her heavy breathing. Nagtagal ang tingin ko sa kaniya, kinikilatis ko siya at kahit nakatingin lang ako sa kaniya ramdam na ramdam ko ang pagod, sakit at bigat niya.

She is strong, we are both strong but I know in this situation I know we are losing our strength. Pagod na pagod na at hindi na alam kung ano pa ang desisyon na dapat gawin.

Nag-angat siya ng tingin, nagtama ang paningin naming dalawa.

Tiredness, pity and regret, that’s what I see in hER eyes and maybe even in my eyes that’s what she sees.

Umupo ako sa upuan na nasa gilid ng upuan niya.

“I-I’m sorry” mahinang sambit niya. “I don’t want all this to happen, I never want Tito to involved this”

Hindi ako kumibo. Hindi rin ako nagsalita dahil parehas na parehas ang mga sinabi niya at ni Aki. Parehas lang sila ng salita dahil totoo naman, walang may gusto at kahit kailan hindi ginusto ni Maxl ang madamay ako at ang pamilya ko.

“Don’t blame yourself because you didn’t fail, you didn’t fail to protect me and my family especially your family” my voice was careful even though I wanted to cry again. “Don’t blame yourself…stop blaming ourselves please”

Pagod na pagod na talaga akong marinig ang lahat ng sisi namin sa isat isa. Hindi naman namin ito ginusto, hindi namin ginustong paikutin ang lahat ng ganito para lang masira namin ang pagkatao namin sa mga bagay na hindi naman kami ang may gawa.

“I see you’re tired, I’m tired too Maxl…until now Daddy still hasn’t woken up…”

Hindi ko siya narinig na nagsalita. Tanging malalaim at mabibigat lang na singhap ang naririnig ko mula sa kaniya.

“I’m glad you’re awake but I still can’t peaceful because until now Daddy is still fighting for his life and I will never blame you for what happened to him.”

“Why are you saying this?” The voices we throw at each other are different. It feels very heavy again but maybe this is enough for us to understand each other better.

“Your brother and Mom need you, They needs you more than me.” nag-angat ang tingin ko sa kaniya.

Masasaktan siya at nasasaktan akong nakatigin sa kaniya.

Her jaw moved.

“You want me to leave?”

Hindi ako sumagot hindi rin ako tumango at tanging tingin lang ang binibigay ko sa kaniya.

“Read the situation Maxl, yes I’m here again in the situation I don’t want to add to the pain you’re feeling but it’s like I’m being killed now because you managed to reject Ate” nagging matigas ang boses ko at matapang. “As much as possible, I don’t want to hurt you when you wake up but you know while you are sleeping, I think about what will happen to both of us, I think that we don’t need to be selfish. I love you and you love me but our situation is difficult. Even if you don’t want to leave me, I see you can leave.”

“I can’t leave you here”

“You can’t leave but I can’t see you being happy…”

Chapter 26

A/N: This is their last chapter together, I can’t prolong their scene being with each other.

“Mom…” tawag ko kay Mom nang makita ko siyang nakaupo sa labas ng kwarto ni Daddy. Kasama niya si Agustina, nilingon ako nito at maliit na ngumiti.

“Anak” Umupo ako sa kaniyang tabi. Hinawakan nang mahigpit ang kaniyang kamay.

Mommy hugged me tighter as if she wanted to convey something but she couldn’t tell me.

“Mom, what is that?” I asked while caressing her arm.

Dumating na rin ang iba kong pinsan, tahimik lang nila akong tinaguan at nginitan. Si Valerie, Cristal at Maya ay tumabi sa akin may bakanteng upuan pa naman. Sila Joshua ay nakatayo sa aming harapan, tinatanguan din nila ako.

“Nakapag-usap na ba kayo ni Maxl?”

Hindi ako nakasagot agad dahil totoo namang nakapag-usap kami ngunit hindi naging maganda ang usapan namin. Pagkatapos kasi naming mag-usap tungkol sa nangyari ay parehas na kaming walang kibo, nag-usap kami pero parang wala namang kaming gana.

Even though Maxl didn’t show me, I know she feels what is happening in her family, I also know she is thinking about what I said and what Ate Amanda said.

I know it’s really hard to worry and think about what decision you might take right now, we both still don’t know where our decision to stay with each other will reach.

“We didn’t have a good conversation, Mom…” was all I could say.

I felt Maya holding me. I also clung to her as soon as I felt her caress.

“I don’t know what decision she made” I added. “She doesn’t want to talk about it but I know that’s what’s on her mind at this time”

“Are you sure you want her to leave?” dahan-dahan akong tumango. Kayang kaya at sigurado akong iyon ang magiging desisyon ko, gusto kong umalis siya pero hindi ko siya pipilitin na umalis. Alam ko namang maiisip niya ring tama ang umalis. “But she doesn’t want to leave…”

Muli akong pumikit. Mas dinikit ko ang aking mukha sa dibdib ni Mommy. “I won’t force her to leave, Mom”

Not really, I will never force her to leave, maybe somehow I will be reassured because I can still be with her if she doesn’t want to leave or has thought about leaving.

I will still be with her even though I know it will be slightly difficult for both of us. I promised her that I would help her and not leave her.

Kakayanin ko, hindi pa ako pwedeng sumuko, hindi ako pwedeng sumuko.

I looked at her when I entered her room. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, here she was after staying in Dad’s room for over an hour. She stayed for a long time but I will see her in this state.

She was so deep in thought, she was stunned as she looked at the small picture of her family from her wallet.

Her bag is ready, she can go home and she doesn’t want to stay here anymore.

Nilapitan ko siya umupo ako at napagigitnaan naming dalawa ang bag niya. Muli ko siyang tinignan pero hindi siya lumingon manlang sa akin.

“Where do you want to stay?” I asked cautiously. I’m careful about what I say.

“I don’t know where” She answered without looking at me, I heard her heavy breathing. Too deep and too heavy.

I swallowed a little. I spoke again.

“How about my dorm first?” I don’t even know if she can stay in my dorm or the mansion. She didn’t move, still caressing the photo of her family. “Can also be in the mansion—”

“I can’t live in Tito and Tita’s mansion, I don’t want to harm them again” Putol niya sa sinasabi ko. She’s so cold and hard right now, I don’t know what she wants.

Inabot ko ang kaniyang kamay na hawak ang family picture. “Nag-offer si Valerie sa akin ng condo, doon na lang tayo”

Sa pagkakataon na ito nag-angat na siya ng tingin sa akin ngunit mas lalo lang akong nasaktan nang makita ko ang mga mata niya. She looks at me lifelessly, I can’t see anything in her eyes, and its hurt me more. More than anything.

“Sinabihan ko rin si ate Amanda na samahan tayo sa condo. Umalis siya at nauna na. Hinihintay ka na niya” Pilit kong pinatatag ang pakiramdam ko kahit gusto ko na namang maiyak.

This is not Maxl, she is not like this. She would never look at me like this. Pero sa mga oras na ito, nagagawa na niya.

Dumating kami sa condo, sinalubong kami ni Ate ngunit ako lang ang tanging bumati sa kaniya. Parehas kaming hindi pinansin ni Maxl, parehas niya kaming nilagpasan.

I just looked down while walking into the living room, I don’t know where else Maxl entered but I know she doesn’t want to be with us.

“Abby…” I heard Ate gently call me. She sat next to me on the sofa and hugged me. “I’m sorry, Abby…” I quickly shook my head at her. “I’m sorry even I didn’t know that Maxl would be like this…I wouldn’t have said it”

She needs to tell immediately and it will hurt me more if I see her slightly happy and when she finds out everything she will be like this too. Maybe it’s better seeing her like this now, even if it hurts, at least I don’t have to fool myself that everything will be fine.

Umiyak ako nang umiyak sa bisig ni Ate, wala na talaga akong magawa kundi ang umiyak na lang nang umiyak. Pakiramdam ko talaga nabuhay lang ako sa mundo para lang umiyak sa mga nangyari at magdusa sa mga bagay na hindi ko naman ginusto.

Nang sumapit ang gabi ay dahan-dahan akong pumasok sa kwarto kung saan siya pumasok kanina, natagpuan ko siyang nakahiga na at nakatlikod ang posisyon niya sa akin.

Ilang minuto kong pinagmasdan ang likod niya bago ako tuluyang kumuha ng mga damit ko, kailangan ko na munang maglinis bago ako mahiga at tumabi sa kaniya. Kailangan ko na ring magpahinga.

Even though I don’t know what break I will take. Kailangan ko pa rin.

Pagkatapos maglinis ay lumabas na rin ako saglit akong nagpatuyo ng buhok ko bago ako umupo sa kama. Nakatalikod pa rin sa akin si Maxl, ramdam ko pa namang hindi pa siya tulog kaya maayos na rin.

“Gising ka pa?” Tuluyan akong nahiga sa kama at sa tabi niya. “Kumusta na ang pakiramdam mo?”

Do I need to ask even though I know that she is not really okay and fine.

“You? how are you?” My lips twitched, the first voice I didn’t feel was cold in her questions. She only talked to me like this again since she woke up.

“I-I’m fine…” tanging nasabi ko na lang.

I’m lying to her again, I’m lying to myself again. Parehas na kaming nagsisinungaling.

“Maybe I’m fine too”

Tumalikod din ako nang higa sa kaniya, I don’t want her to feel that I’m going to cry again and hear my slowly breathing. I closed my eyes as tears welled up in my eyes.

“I’m sorry for my attitude…I just don’t know what I feel” she added.

Tinakpan ko ang bibig ko habang patuloy pa rin sa pag-iyak. “I’m really sorry, hindi ko naman gustong maging ganito tayo…”

I couldn’t stop myself from crying so much that I came out again but now I was crying for her now.

“I-I’m sorry because this happened to us…I-I said I wouldn’t hurt you, we both promised each other but we’re getting hurt by something we don’t want.”

My chest felt even heavier when I heard her crying along with my sobs. The bed moved and I felt her move next to me. Naramdaman ko na lang ang pagyakap niya sa akin mula sa likod.

I could feel her tears on my cheeks because she was trying to squeeze herself into me while holding me. Nararamdaman ko na rin alog ng katawan niya dahil sa iyak at hagulgol niya.

Mas lalo akong umiyak, I cried a lot while she hugged me.

I can feel our bodies shaking because of our crying and wailing. That was the only thing I could hear in the room, the only thing we could hear was the two of us crying, crying so hard and bad.

“I-I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to, please…”

Napahawak ako sa bibig habang patuloy pa rin sa pag-iyak, naninikip na ang dibdib ko pero wala akong magawa para pigilan ang iyak ko. Hindi ko na mapigilan, gustong gusto ko na lang talagang umiyak at bumigay.

I woke up when I felt the warm rays on my face. I slowly opened my eyes, put my hand in the light and closed my eyes again. I laid down but when I felt that there was no one next to me, I sat up.

Wala na akong katabi, wala na si Maxl sa tabi ko.

Lumingon lingon ako sa paligid, wala rin akong naririnig sa cr. Dali dali akong tumayo at lumabas sa kwarto. Pakiramdam ko na namang nababaliw ako dahil sa sobrang bilis ng takbo ko.

“Max–” umawang ang bibig ni Ate nang makita akong aligaga at hindi mapakali. Tumama ang paningin ko kay Maxl na naghahanda ng plato pero natigil nang makita rin ako. “Abby!”

Hapong hapo ako habang nakatingin sa kanila lalo na si Maxl. Nararamdaman ko na ang pawis na tumutulong sa aking mukha.

“Abby, calm down…” Maxl also approached me. I can see her concern for me. “I’m sorry…I helped Ate prepare breakfast” inabot niya ang aking kamay.

Kitang kita ko pa rin ang pamumula ng mga mata niya at pagod.

They looked at me and Ate worried, this was really the worst, for the first time I was confused and very nervous because Maxl disappeared from my side.

Hinahaplos ni Maxl ang aking kamay nilapitan niya ako lalo. Inalo niya ako papuntang sofa dahil iyon na lang ang malapit sa amin.

“I’m sorry…” tanging sambit niya sa akin.

We both bent down and looked at our hands. I don’t know but I feel like we are both missing even when we are together and holding hands. I’m really nervous, I feel like what happened earlier will happen again. I really won’t let that happen again, the trauma and fear I felt is enough, never again.

We didn’t speak again but we kept holding each other’s hands.

Parehas kaming tahimik talaga ay hindi rin kami nag-uusap. Naputol lang ang hawakan naming dalawa nang tawagin kami ni ate Amanda. Tumayo na kami at pumunta na sa hapagkainan.

Tahimik kaming kumain, tanging mga tunog lang ng kutsara’t tinidor pati na rin ang plato. Wala ring nagsasalita sa aming tatlo, magkatabi kami ni Maxl ngunit hindi naman kami nag-uusap.

Tanging paggalaw lang niya ang nararamdaman ko. I finished my food and leaned back in my chair.

Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa ni Ate siya kasi ang nasa harapan namin lalo na sa katapat ko. Sobrang tagal ng titigan naming dalawa na para bang ramdam niya rin ako sa kung anong nararamdaman ko kay Maxl.

“Are you going to visit Tito?” naputol ang titigan naming dalawa nang magsalita si Maxl sa aking tabi. “if you visit today, I will accompany you”

I nodded because that’s what I plan to do today, I also want to visit Dad again. Mag-iisang buwan but Dad still hasn’t woken up and we still worry about him until now.

Especially me, he still hasn’t woken up and I feel even more lacking in what I feel.

Kulang talaga, ganito rin kaya nararamdaman ni Maxl? Ganito rin ba ang pakiramdam niya ngayon?

“Sasama na rin ako” si Ate.

When we visited Daddy, he was still like that, still fast asleep. The doctor said that there is still no sign of when he will wake up because of the bullet in his chest, his condition is so critical that we have to wait even longer for him to wake up.

As time went on, I couldn’t bear to see Mommy crying all the time, she was in so much pain and difficulty every time she talked to her and she begged Daddy to wake up because she couldn’t bear to lie down and she missed him so much.

I was just there with Mommy, I couldn’t be with Maxl anymore, I couldn’t take it anymore, as if I was going to lose Mommy too because it took a while for Daddy to wake up. Hindi ko kayang pati si Mommy ay mawala na rin sa akin.

Kulang na ako, nagkulang na ako kay Maxl at ayokong maging kulang bilang anak sa nag–isang magulang ko.

Hindi na rin kami makapag-usap ni Maxl, hindi na namin magawang mag-usap pa kahit noon, ibang iba na kaming dalawa sa isat isa. Kung ako ang problema ko ay si Mommy ngayon samantalang siya ay ganun din kahit hindi niya pa sabihin sa akin, iyon ang pinapahiwatig niya.

She wants to leave, I know that I can never be wrong. Even though she doesn’t want to leave me yet, I know she wants to do it.

Minsan ay binibisita niya kami ni Mom ngunit kapag kaming dalawa na pakiramdam ko hindi na kami magkarelasyon, hindi na kami kagaya ng dati.

Ramdam ko pa rin naming mahal niya ako pero sobrang kakulangan naming dalawa ay hindi ko na ramdam.

“Abby” tawag niya nang makita ako sa kusina.

“Bakit?” tanging sambit ko na lang. Hindi niya nagsalita ngunit naramdaman ko ang paglapit niya sa akin. Nagpatuloy ako sa paghihiwa ng mansanas. Naramdam ko pang pinapanood niya ang aking paggalaw na hindi pa rin nagsasalita.

“Can you look at me?” Ginawa ko ang sinabi niya tinignan ko siya at nagtama ang panignin naming dalawa.

I don’t know what kind of eyes she has, the only look is that I know that we are completely destroyed, we are completely unable to feel each other and falling apart.

She still didn’t speak, we just looked at each other. She bent down and brought her face closer to mine, at the same time bringing her lips to mine. I can’t deny that I miss her lips on me but at this time I don’t feel anymore, she did that to feel me too but I can see how the pain flowed in her eyes.

She gave me a forced smile. A bitter smile with painful eyes. 

“Can’t we fix it?” her small smile was still there but full of bitterness. My lips twitch as I look down.

It hurts me more now that we’re talking about it when it’s just the two of us. I can feel her more now, I feel that we are really broken, we are both broken.

“I-I don’t know” I just said the truth, I don’t really know anymore, we have too many to choose from and that doesn’t include each other. My eyes are wet and my tears are holding back. “We both feel missing and I know you feel it too”

“A-At kahit ilang sorry pa ang sabihin natin sa isa’t-isa hindi natin maitatangging nagbago na talaga tayo…h-hindi na tayo ito, M-Maxl…” agad kong pinahid ang luhang tumulo sa aking mga mata. “H-Hindi natin kasalanan kung hindi na tayo makabalik sa d-dati…”

From the corner of my eyes I also saw her rubbing her eyes, breathing while still looking at me.

“Within a week I felt more and more that we can’t take it anymore, I can’t take what’s happening to Mommy and me anymore and I know you want to leave too” Kita kong umilling siya.

“W-We can fight a-again right?”

Hindi ko nagawang masagot ang tanong niya. Dahil sa loob ng isang linggo mahigit ay alam kong sinusubukan namin pero walang nagyayari palagi lang kaming bumabalik sa sitwasyon na alam naming parehas kaming mahihirapan.

“We’ve tried so many times but it’s not happening, is it?”

Kitang kita ko kung paano napababa ang mukha niya, hawak hawak niya nang mahigpit ang kanyang mga mata habang umiiyak. Naririnig ko ang mga hikbi niyang mas nagbibigay sa akin nang sobrang sakit.

Masakit na nga, mas lalo lang nagiging masakit ngayon.

I can’t stand her crying anymore, I left the kitchen, I can’t stand seeing her and hearing her painful cries.

I left the house crying, I didn’t notice that it was raining with my feelings, I didn’t care if I got wet from the rain.

“Abby…let’s go inside” I felt her holding my hand. “P-Please let’s go in”

Like me, she is soaked, crying and not caring about the heavy rain. I couldn’t look at her, I just kept crying while turning my back to her. Kahit sobrang lakas ng ulan naririnig ko pa rin ang iyak naming dalawa, rinig na rinig ko ang mga iyak naming hindi naman dapat namin ginagawa ngayon.

“W-Why do we have to experience this?” I asked crying. “Why do we have to break up, why do we have to sacrifice everything?”

“A-Are you breaking up with me?” I cried even more at her question, I answered crying until I felt her approaching in front of me, and her face full of pain.

Even though she was holding my hand, I covered my eyes. “M-Maghiwalay na tayo”

“A-Abby—”

“We can’t fix this… we can’t fix this relationship anymore…” sambit ko sa pagitan ng iyak ko.

Kahit gustuhin naming dalawa, wala na talaga kahit pa parehas naming ayaw pang bumitaw. Hindi na talaga pwede. Hindi na namin magawa, ni hindi nga namin magawang ayusin ang sarili namin sa loob ng isang mahigit isang linggo.

“H-Hinihiling ko sayo ngayon na…na huwag mo kong piliin” Binaba ko ang kamay kong nakatakip sa aking mga mata at nag-angat sa kaniya ng tingin. “P-Please…nagmamakaawa ako sayong piliin na muna nating maghiwalay…”

I am very stupid for my decision but we are both even more stupid if we insist on a relationship that we know has been broken for a long time and something is missing. We cannot fill the void we feel no matter how many times we try.

She held my hand tighter. I tightened my decision even more, it’s for both of us, for our quiet and peaceful life.

“I don’t want to choose, don’t make me choose who and what I should choose” Mapait akong napatawa habang umiiyak. Kailangan niyang mamili.

“We need to let go each other” I said while crying and shaking under the heavy rain. “Please, don’t choose me now, even just now, I’m begging you” patuloy kong nagmamakaawa sa kanya.

She shook her head at me again and again while stil crying. “I love you, Abby, you know that…”

“I know and I love you too but it’s not enough” I can feel the heavy of the words I’m saying even though I’m breaking up, I still want to make her feel that I love her and if we didn’t end up like this, I wouldn’t do it. “I love you, so I want you to leave for yourself and your family”

Muli siyang umiling ngunit muli akong nagsalita.

“Our love will not be enough now, anong gagawin natin sa pagmamahal na alam nating may kulang”

Chapter 27

I looked at Andy who was now quietly by my side. I was holding her while she was holding her tummy. Gumalaw ang labi ko dahil alam ko kung anong ibig sabihin noon. Alam na alam ko kung ano ang mga nangyari sa kanila ni Aki.

I can see what happened to them for one year after I broke up with the person I love and she chose to leave for the good. After one year I didn’t know that my friend would feel worse.

“I-I miss my baby…” I didn’t say anything, I let go of her and stood up so I could hug her more fully.

It hurts so much to know that Andy was pregnant at nakunan siya, that she and Aki lost their son because of a family that you never wanted to meet because you loved their daughter. At kahit ako para akong naging bato noong nalaman ko ang nangyari sa kaniya at sa baby nila.

“Andy…” Natagpuan ng mga mata ko ang humahagos na si Rico, pawis na pawis at sobrang gulo na ng itsura niya. Nanlalaki ang mga mata niyang nakatingin sa aming dalawa ni Andy lalo na kay Andy.

Dali siyang umupo sa tabi ni Andy, hinawakan ang kamay nito habang naghahabol pa rin siya ng hingina. Just now I’ve seen Rico this nervous again, just now I’ve seen him so scared looking at the two of his friends.

It seems that at any time he can hurt because he sees us hurt. My eyes blinked as I grabbed his shoulder, he still hasn’t calmed down until now.

“R-Rico, please calm down” Pilit ko pa ring pinakalma ang aking pakiramdam, kailangan kami ni Andy ngayon at hindi kami pwedeng mabigong maging nandito para sa kanya dahil kailangan niya kami.

I can already hear Andy’s sobs while she is buried in my chest, I can feel my clothes getting wet because of her tears. Because of that, I hugged her even more.

Rico was the only quiet one on the side but I could see the anger and redness on his face. Nakayukom ang isang kamaong niya.

“N-Nawala ang anak ko dahil sa kanila” durog na durog ang boses ni Andy, sobrang sakit marinig noon sa akin dahil kahit hindi ko pa naranasang magkaroon ng anak, alam ko kung anong pakiramdam ng mawalan ng isang anak sa isang magulang. “A-Ano bang mali sa anak ko? Kahit ’yung anak ko na lang sana nagawa nilang mahalin…”

I closed my eyes while crying and listening to her, I can also see how Rico’s tears fell while bending down.

“That’s my son b-but why is that?” Nararamdaman ko na ang pagpupumiglas niya kaya napalayo na ako sa kanya, kitang kita ko ang pag-iyak at pagwawala niya, gustong gusto niyang magwala. “M-Mali ba sa akin?!”

“A-Andy, wala, walang mali s-sayo…” pilit kong hindi maging sira ang boses ko dahil umiiyak na rin ako sa harapan niya, lumuhod ako upang maging pantay ang tingin naming dalawa sa isa’t-isa. “Wal—”

“Then why? Bakit kailangan kong maranasan ang ganito?! Hindi ba ako bagay maging ina sa anak ko? Maging ina ng anak niya?!”

Kahit mismo ang pangalan ni Aki, hindi na niya magawang banggitin pa.

Umiiyak na sinusundan ko ang paggalaw niya. Nakaawang ang bibig ko. I don’t know what to say to her because I know that even the sweetest words will not touch her, never because she is talking about her son and her feelings.

As a mother, there is nothing more painful than losing your child even if you never even held it. Hindi niya manlang nahawakan ang anak niya.

I held her hand while crying and bowing.

“A-Andy, it’s not your fault…you’ve been a good mother…” Mas lalo akong naiyak nang marinig ko nang magsalita si Rico.

We are very careful about what we can say because we know Andy and Aki are innocent of what happened to them, Aki took care of Andy when she was pregnant and even Aki herself had nothing to do with why they lost their child.

Because I know Aki chose Andy over her family.

Naramdaman ko ang pag-iling ni Andy pilit niya ring inaalis ang pagkakahawak namin sa kanya ni Rico.

“Kung naging mabu—”

“Andy!” sumigaw na si Rico, kinuha niya sa akin si Andy. “A-Andy wala kang kasalanan, naging mabuti kang ina, kung hindi ka mabuting ina hindi ka iiyak nang ganito! P-Please n-naman…huwag naman ganito…huwag mong sisihin ang sarili mo”

Rico cried louder than me, I know he’s hurt too I know even if he doesn’t say it I know he’s also angry with Aki’s family but he can’t do anything. Wala kaming magawa, hindi ko na alam kung anong ginagawa ngayon ni Aki sa pamilya niya.

“Y-You’ve been a good friend to us and I know you’ve been a better mother to your son…”

I looked at Andy, she was holding her face while she was still crying.

“Even though you feel like you’re more than us because you’ve become a parent…we still understand you but don’t do this, Andy…I don’t want to lose you too, p-please” Niyakap ko ang baywang niya at sumubsob sa kanya.

“We’ll help you…no matter what, Andy…we’ll let you be like this but I hope you’ll be able to help yourself” Yumakap na rin sa amin si Rico. “Mahal na mahal ka namin, Andy…nandito kami p-please…”

When Andy fell asleep on Rico’s shoulder, I gradually moved away from them, and it was Rico who laid Andy on the bed. While I was at the window and still crying.

If the decision I made before a year without Maxl was painful, what I have learned and seen in Andy’s current condition is even more painful. The heavy I felt become too much to handle because it wouldn’t be easy for Andy to get up again, it wouldn’t be easy for her to stand up for herself and her son again.

We are still the same ones who have not yet recovered but something has happened again, Andy is going through worse now, I don’t know why all this is happening to her. I was also hurt but I asked more why Andy had to be like this, why Andy was chosen to be punished like this. Bakit siya lang? Pwede namang kasama rin ako.

“A-Andy didn’t deserve this, Rico” umiiyak na sambit ko. Wala nang tigil ang pagtulo ng mga luha ko. “B-Bakit si Andy p-pa…ano bang m-mali sa kanya?”

I can hear his sobs next to me, we are next to each other now and we are crying together.

“I-I don’t know, Abby…Andy is strong but not like this…”

“L-Let’s not leave, Andy”

“We never leave Andy, Abby…”

The whole day Rico didn’t come home, he stayed with Andy and I, I couldn’t even ask if Ida wasn’t waiting for him because they had gotten married since Maxl left. Hindi ko rin alam kung anong balita rin sa kanya at kung anong nangyayari sa kanila ng asawa niya.

Another year came and we were able to finish school but Elijah was the one who was able to leave us for good and for her father. I don’t know the whole story but I know that Malia is also in her problem.

She told us that she would come back but even at the graduation she couldn’t go or even see her for the last time, we also had no news of where she is now staying with her father. Hindi ako nagkulang nang isang mensahe uang makapagtext sa kanya.

I also never failed to write a message for the person I love, for two years I never missed a letter even though I couldn’t send it to her. I only save it and read it when I’m alone and I always miss her.

No excuses because every day and for two years I never forgot I just tried not to disturb her because I wanted her to focus on her family and so did I. I was also able to put in the letters that Daddy woke up when she left, Daddy got stronger and I was happy to let her know that even though Daddy was waiting for her to come back, Daddy wanted to see her too.

Kahit isang balita ay wala akong nalaman tungkol sa kanya dahil hindi ko na rin magawang makita si Aki, hindi ko pa rin alam kung nasaan siya dahil pagkatapos ng nangyari sa anak nila ay tuluyan nang nakipaghiwalay si Andy sa kanya, tuluyan na niyang pinutol kung anong namamagitan sa kanila.

Hindi ko masisisi si Andy alam ko kung gaano siya nasaktan at hanggang ngayon alam kong nasasaktan pa rin siya.

Kahit sino ay hindi gugustuhin ang ganoong problema. Kahit kailan hindi ko iyon gustong mangyari sa kaibigan ko.

I’m already working sa company na binigay sa akin ni Daddy, kasama ko ang  ilang pinsan ko na hawak din ang ibang company ng mga Del Mundo. Nagtayo rin ako ng sarili kong flower shop at masasabi kong nag sucessful din iyon at lumago nang lumago sa loob lang ng isang taon.

Iyon ang pinagkaabalahan ko kapag wala akong pasok sa company. Minsan ay namamasyal ako sa kung saan upang makapaglibang na rin. Kasama ko si Andy minsan gusto kong makapaglibang din siya kahit papaano.

Sa loob naman ng isang taon nakikita kong unti unti na rin siyang nagiging maayos may mga pagkakataon lang na nakikita ko siyang umiiyak at hindi ako magdadalawang isip na aluin siya ay samahan.

Sa loob din ng isang  taon na iyon ay muli kaming nagkita ni Ate Amanda, nagulat na lang ako nang dumalaw siya sa flower shop ko.

“Abby” masuyong tawag niya sa akin nang magtama ang paningin namin pagpasok niya. Kita kong napalingon sa akin si Andy dahil siya ang kasama ko ngayon. “Andy” tawag niya rin kay Andy.

“Ate” tawag ko.

I can see in her eyes the excitement for me in two years, I can say that Ate has changed a lot, I can no longer see the old tired and hardship on her face.

I really hope they don’t get into trouble anymore, I hope they don’t have trouble with what else can happen to their family. Dahil kahit ako talaga ay wala along naging balita, hindi ko alam kung tuluyan na ba silang naging maayos.

She looked around inside my shop and I could see her amazement and joy.

“Business woman ka talaga” nakangiti niyang sambit. “I’m so proud of you, Abby…and you, Andy? how are you?” nabaling ang tingin niya kay Andy na tahimik nag-aayos ng bulaklak.

“I’m fine, Ate, I’m getting better. I also have my own business but in France” Napatango sa amin si Ate.

“Namiss ko kayo, pwede ko ba kayong kakain kumain?” 

“Ayos lang sa akin” mabilis kong sagot. Si Andy na lang ang hindi pa sumasagot. “You need to go home later?”

“No really, so pwede na rin ako mamaya.” tipid na sagot niya.

“Thank you guys”

It’s true what Ate said, she actually took us to the most expensive restaurant in our area. It’s also close to my University and I can say that the items on their menu are really good and pricey.

We just ordered food because Ate was supposed to pay. We would have been too embarrassed to say no but there was nothing we could do.

I feel that we were a little awkward, maybe ate Amanda also noticed that we were silent and didn’t know what to say. I know the reason for our silence and ate Amanda’s hesitation.

I smiled at her, I also missed Ate and I don’t want her to feel that until now we are still in the situation even though we were not the ones who did it.

“Ate, how are you?” si Andy sa tabi ko. “Are you really a model now?”

“Yes” nakangiting sagot ni Ate. “I also finished my last year before becoming a model in London”

Halos mamilog ang mga mata ko sa narinig ko. Totoong binigay niya talaga ang best niya maging modelo lang.

Ngiting ngiti ako habang nakatingin sa kanya.Dahil alam kong matagal na rin naman siyang model, part time lang noon at ngayon naman ay full time na. Endorser na nga siya ng ibang brand at company.

“Really? Maybe you are too rich now” said Andy who really laughed. Natawa na rin si Ate Amanda. “Gusto ko rin kagaya mo pero mukhang matagal pa ako.”

“Darating din tayo dyan, hindi pa naman ako sobrang yaman.” si Ate na tumatawa na rin. “But I want to offer you something”

Andy and I looked at each other and looked back at sister Amanda who now had a very wide smile.

“What is that. Ate?”

“I want you two to be my assistants, is that okay with you?” My eyes widened even more. Nagkahawak pa kami ni Andy sa sobrang tuwa.

“Totoo po ba? Assisstant?!” nagtititili na si Andy sa tabi ko, ako naman ay patuloy lang din ang pagtango kay ate Amanda. Gusto ko rin ang offer niya, ang offer niya nga sa akin dati ay gusto niya rin akong maging model.

“Yes, of course or maybe a model too? Bagay kayong dalawa.”

“Hindi yata kami papasa sa model, ate” ako naman ang nagsalita. Kita kong natawa si Ate at napailing.

“I didn’t even dream of becoming a model before but look at me now, I like it too. You can try but I also want you two to be assistants” sabay kaming tumango ni Andy sa kaniya. “So, sure? Hindi ko naman kukunin ang buong oras ninyo dahil alam ko namang masyado na kayong successful ngayon.” tawa pa niya.

Pumayag kami ni Andy, gusto rin naming mag explore sa ibang bagay palagi na rin kaming nasa business at gusto naman naming maranasan, kahit ako ay gusto ko ring maranasan maging model.

“Ate” I called softly as we ate. Maybe two years is enough for me to know what’s going on with Maxl, what their life has been like for two years.

“Hmm” she looked up at me.

“How is Maxl and her family?” Out of the corner of my eye, Andy stopped eating and turned to me, but it immediately disappeared and she continued to eat. “Is it okay if I know?”

Ate Amanda looked at me for a long time, I couldn’t see anything in her, she even seemed to be happy because I was able to ask that question.

“Maxl is a professional photographer now and she also works part time as a model”

My mouth fell open and my eyes widened when I found out that, I was so happy and I felt my heart filled with joy again. Maxl has fulfilled her dream, even added to it because she is also modelling. Walang mapaglagyan ang ngiti ko habang nakatingin kay Ate kita ko rin na masaya niya akong tinitignan.

“Really…” napatiklop ako sa aking mga labi. Pakiramdam ko gusto kong umiyak. Mas narealize kong tama ako ng desisyon dahil hindi niya iyon makukuha kong nagawa niya pang manatili sa akin at sa amin.

She left for herself, family and dream I know she will get it whether she leaves or not but when those happened I know it was very difficult for her to help herself, we all had a hard time but when we chose to be strong and think about ourselves, I know Maxl and I will go further, especially her. Her dreams are far away and she has fulfilled them without any hassle or fear in her life.

Hindi ko namalayan na umiyak na pala ako. Pero habang umiiyak ako, masaya ako at hindi nasasaktan.

“I’m so happy, Ate I’m so happy because she’s happy and she received all her dreams in life”

Ate reached out for my hand, she smiled sweetly at me.

“And I’m sorry because Maxl has achieved all her dreams without you seeing…I’m happy to tell you this even though Maxl is probably very happy with everything you’ve achieved.” Pinunasan ko ang aking mga luha. “I’m happy for both of you, I’m happy that you made it too, Abby…”

Because of what I found out, I was more eager to see her again, I don’t know if she was able to be angry with me when I push her away and she left but I know that it doesn’t matter to me because she fulfilled all her dreams especially the life I dream for her. The life I want for her kasama man ako o hindi.

I hope one day I can see her again, I’m just waiting for her to come back after all the pain we experienced when we were together. I don’t know if the two years we’ve been apart are enough, but maybe I can’t take it any longer. I miss her already. I miss my baby so much.

We talked again but with Andy but Ate was careful when she asked Andy she didn’t even mention Aki’s name here, I keep thinking if Maxl and Aki are together now and if Aki became Architecture after they broke up. She also didn’t attend graduation so I didn’t really have any news.

Kay Elijah, we continue to wait, we don’t force her to come back right away but I know that she has been away for a long time. Kailangan niya pa rin ang mahabang panahon para maghilom.

Kailangan pa rin namin mahilom kahit minsan ay nakakaramdam na kami ng ginhawa.

Within six months, we did our work as Ate Amanda’s assistant. Sometimes she was with us in the studio and company brand. Sometimes Andy and I were even able to go to the endorsement party.

Andy and I also tried modelling and we breathed a sigh of relief because we were old enough to try that kind of work, I was hired as a model by a famous make up company in my four months and while Andy was a model in clothing.

Kaya wala na rin palya ang pagkatuwa ni Ate Amanda sa aming dalawa kulang na lang ay siya ang magpakain sa amin araw-araw dahil palagi na rin kaming nakukuha. Hindi naman namin magawang tanggihan dahil malaki na rin ang offer.

Naging manager at assistant namin si Ate Amanda, siya rin kasi ang nagpasok sa amin ni Andy sa modelling agency niya kaya mabilis na rin talaga kaming natuto at nagawa ang pinapangarap niya para sa amin.

“Oh my! Ang galing talaga ng mga baby ko!” Sigaw ni Ate nang matapos ako sa studio room kakatapos ko lang sa pangalawang make up business brand. Niyakap niya ako habang hila-hila niya si Andy na mukhang inaantok pa, kaninang umaga pa siya tapos.

“Ate” bumeso ako sa kanya. “Andy” tinanguan ako ni Andy. “Magpahinga ka na muna, Andy”

“Dadalhin ko nga iyan sa condo ngayon, matutulog na muna” si Ate Amanda. Hawak niya na ngayon si Andy at ito naman ang niyayakap niya.

“Kumusta ka, Abby?” tanong sa akin ni Andy. “Pagod ka na rin ah?”

“Oo nga”

Hindi namin maiwasang magtawanan parehas na kaming pagod na tatlo pero masaya naman kami sa ginagawa namin. We have tried many things and I can say that I was really happy to work on this kind of thing, something that I thought I couldn’t do, something that I thought I didn’t really like but when I saw that Andy also liked this kind of thing my heart is also very happy.

Hindi ako nagkamali, tama nga sila. Hindi mo maalaman kung hindi mo naman susubukan.

I was on the sidelines while sitting and resting. Andy and Ate Amanda were standing in front of me. They also gave me water and bread. New makeup will be put on my face so I don’t have to worry if it breaks, I eat and just listen to what is being discussed in front of me.

“Miss Ramirez!” naputol ng pag-uusap ni Ate at Andy nang may tumawag kay Ate. Producer ng make up.

“Oh Hi, Mister Montero!” bati nila Andy sa kaniya, tumayo na rin ako upang bumati sa kanya. “Why you so happy?”

“Ano ka ba! Masaya ako dahil pupunta raw dito ang Professional Photographer galing pa siyang London!” Halos tumili na ito sa sobrang tuwa. He’s gay kaya ganito na lang ang tuwa niya habang pumapalakpak pa.

“Oh really?! Sino?” nakangiti na rin si Ate. “Galing pang London!”

“Oo! Wait!” nilabas ni Mister Montero ang phone niya at may binasa roon. “Her name is Maxlene Angel Ramirez!”

I saw Ate Amanda’s mouth open while Andy’s eyes widened looking at me. Even I myself fell silent when I heard her name, mixed with joy and I can’t explain my feeling.

will she come here? Does that mean she was my photographer for my third session!?

Nilingon na rin ako ni Ate na hanggang ngayon ay hindi makapagsalita. Hindi niya rin siguro alam na darating dito ang pinsan niya.

“Oh wait!” Mister Montero moved away from us because the staff at the entrance was making trouble. It’s like someone is waiting and wants to see them there.

What I’m feeling now is that I’m very nervous, my chest is pounding very hard and I can’t control my feelings anymore.

Hinawakan ni Andy ang kamay ko habang si Ate Amanda naman ay masuyo akong tinataguan. Pilit na rin na pinapakalma ang pakiramdam ko.

“Miss Maxl Ramirez is here!”

“Wow, Is that Miss Ramirez from London?!”

Siya nga, siya nga itong naririnig ko. Naririnig ko na ng tuluyan ang pangalan niya mula sa ibang tao.

“Miss Ramirez! Naku, magpinsan pala kayo!” Mas lalong kumabog ang dibdib ko nang papalapit na si Mister Montero sa amin.

I wasn’t even deafened by the shouting of the people because they kept congratulating and talking to Maxl, but I was more deafened because of pounding in my chest, I feel like I’m going to lose consciousness again.

She followed Mister Montero causing our eyes to meet. Her eyes I haven’t seen in two years look look at me, her eyes were very eager to see me before but I don’t know what look she is giving me now.

Kahit mismo si Ate Amanda na pinsan niya ay hindi nakapagsalita nang makita siya. Nagkatinginan lang silang dalawa bago muling binaling ang tingin sa akin.

“Miss Maxl Ramirez, this is Abbigail Del Mundo, she’s our model!” Masayang pakilala sa akin ni Mister Montero sa kanya. “She’s so pretty right! Ipapakita ko sayo mamaya ang mga litrato niya noong mga nakaraang session!”

Maxl didn’t say anything, just looking at me as if we were equally eager for each other in two years that we didn’t see each other, but her eyes were so deep to the point that I couldn’t read it.

Because she has changed now.

“I’m Maxlene Angel Ramirez” Nilahad niya ang kanyang kamay sa harapan ko.

I looked at her hand for a miute before I was able to reach out and hold it.

“Abbigail Del Mundo”

Chapter 28

Agad din akong bumtaw sa kanya, maliit ko lang siyang nginitian at tinanguan bago ako muling umupo na. Hindi ko pa siya kayang makita nang sobrang tagal, ayoko makita niya akong sobrang sabik na sabik at sobrang kaba dahil nagkita na naman kami.

Abot-abot talaga ang kaba ko habang nakaupo. Kinuha ko ang bottle water ko at ininom iyon, inis talaga ako sa sarili ko dahil kitang kita na naman kung gaano kalas ang epekto niya sa akin. Kagaya noong unang beses na nakausap ko siya noong crush ko siya.

“Bading, halata ka naman masyado” Natatawang sinisiko ako ni Andy, tumatama pa ang siko nya sa pisngi ko.  Napanguso na lang din ako habang natatawa soya sa akin.

Mas lalo niya akong pinagtawanan kaya napapikit ako at napatakip sa aking mata. Ang hilig niya ako asarin pero mas lalo lang siyang naging mapang asar nang makita ko si Maxl.

I couldn’t even look back at Ate Amanda now that I could hear her talking. Naririnig ko ang pangalan namin ni Andy dahil kami rin naman ang naging modelo sa mga nakaraang linggo.

“Yes, someone also offered me so I was able to come here to the Philippines. Your company, Sir, has also called me to join it.” her voice was calm as if it stayed in my ears at parang sinasadya niya ring iparinig sa akin.

“Sure, You can watch Miss Del Mundo later, she’s so good!” Mas lalo akong napapikit dahil nagawa na naman akong puruhin. Ilang puri na ang ginawa niya mula noong dumating si Maxl.

“Sure, I can watch”

“Uy, panonoorin ka raw” tukso iyon ni Andy kitang kita ko ang malalapad na ngiti niya sa akin. “Galingan, Abby, ipakita mo ang kabaklaan mo!”

“Andy naman” napapikit na talaga ako sa asar na ginagawa niya sa akin. “Tama na talaga”

“Abby” masuyong tawag sa akin ni Ate, nilahad niya pa sa akin ang kamay niya na para bang inaalalayan ako. Inabot ko ang kamay niya at hinayaan kong tinulungan niya ako tumayo. “Ayos ka na ba?”

“Opo, Ate” maliit na ngiti ang ibinigay ko sa kanya. Inayos ko ang buhok kong nakakalat sa aking buhok.

“I’ll put make up on you.” She made me sit in front of the mirror, she turned the chair so that we both faced each other. “Just calm down, Abby, don’t look nervous” Inayos niya ang aking mukha ko, naglalagay niya sa akin ang make up samantalang ako naman ay tuwang tuwa dahil siya na ang nagmake up sa akin.

Nang matapos kami ay lumapit sa amin si Mister Montero may kasama siyang lalaki, hindi ko naman ito nakita kanina rito sa studio. Nakangiti ang lalaki sa akin kaya napangiti na rin ako. Sa loob ng anim na buwan hindi ko naman maitatangging marami rin akong nakikila at nakakapartner kada may photoshoot ako.

Ngunit ang isang lalaking ito ay ngayon ko lang nakita. Mukha naman siyang mabait at hindi naman mukhang masungit. Very professional.

“Hi Miss Del Mundo, this Dale Chavez. Dale this is Abbigail Del Mundo” Mister Montero smiled widely when he introduced Dale and me to each other. Lumawak din ang pagkakangiti noong lalaki kaya ngumiti rin ako. Dahil tapos na ako ay tumayo na ako upang salubingin siya.

“Hi, Abbigail” I also noticed that he has dimples, his eyes match his smile. “I’m Dale Chavez, nice to meet you”

“Hello, nice to meet you too, Dale” Nakangiting bati ko rin, inabot ko ang kanyang kamay na nakalahad sa aking harapan. Nagkamay kaming dalawa at agad ding bumitaw.

“Miss Del Mundo, Dale Chavez is your partner now, you need a man with you.” Nagkatinginan kami ni Dale bago nagpakawala ng ngiti. Unang beses ko iyon na may kasamang lalaki lalo na sa photoshoot.

“Abby, is that okay with you?” si Ate Amanda, hinawakan niya ang aking siko. Kaagad naman akong tumango habang nakangiti sa kaniya. “Okay” tumango siya kay Mister Montero bago ako binitawan.

Mister Montero approached the backdrop, he was in the middle and the cameras, lenses, and lighting were ready. Kami na lang talaga ang hinihintay na naroon.

“Dale and Abby, you’re in the middle, let’s get started”

Dale was already supporting me to the backdrop from walking, my eyes caught Maxl’s eyes, who was watching us seriously, because he was standing next to the computer. I ignored that and started walking with Dale.

Nakita ko pa ang pagkuha ng litrato sa akin ni Andy habang nakahwak pa rin kay Dale, tinaasan ko siya ng kilay dahil alam ko kung kanino niya iyon ipapakita. Magagawa na naman nila akong asarin ni Rico.

Ate Amanda came to us, she made Dale sit in the highchair and while I put my elbow on Dale’s shoulder, I just watched her do that, I already know how to do the right pose but in such things I know I think she knows better what will suit the pose better.

“Abby, pierce look” I followed Ate, I looked at the camera with a pierce look.

Even though Maxl and I made eye contact, I chose to focus, she couldn’t really see that I was nervous doing this and she’s watching me.

Nang umalis sila Mister Montero at Ate sa backdrop ay nagsimula na rin kaming magfocus ni Dale. Unang pitik ay naging maayos naman dahil sanay na talaga ako habang si Dale naman ay sumasabay na rin sa akin.

“You’re so pretty, Abby” nakangiting sambit niya nang matapos kami sa tatlong pose. “I enjoy doing this with you” His mouth was slightly close to my ear, I couldn’t even hear him because it was noisy around.

“Me too, It’s my first time” masuyong sambit ko.

“Really? You do this solo before?” Tumango ako habang maliit pa rin ang ngiti.

“What about you?” tanong ko nang magkalayo kami dahil inaayusan kami, sa akin ay si Ate Amanda habang ang kay Dale naman ay isang make up artist.

“Solo and it’s also my first time” Sagot niya ako bago muling nilingon ang make up artist na nag-aayos sa kanya.

Nakita ko ang matagal na tingin sa akin ni Ate, nakangiti siya pero alam kong may halong pang-aasar ang mga ngiti niyang iyon.

“Don’t talk too much, Abby” nakakalokong bulong niya sa akin. Nilagyan niya ng kaunting blush ang aking pisngi. “Kung nakakamatay lang ang tingin siguro matagal ng nakahandusay si Dale” ngunot naman ang noo ko ngunit tinawanan lang ako ni Ate.

Nilibot ko ang paningin ko upang masilayan na muli si Maxl ngunit naroon pa rin siya sa tabi ng computer, naroon kasi ang mga kuha sa amin ni Dale. Nasa akin na naman ang mga tingin niya kagaya kanina ay sobrang seryoso na ngayon at sobrang lalim. Ilang minuto ko pa siyang tinignan.

Masasabi ko talaga pati ang katawan niya ay nabago na rin, I think mas lalo atang naging mahubog iyon, parang batak na batak  ati inalagaan talaga. She’s wearing a polo right now and high waist pants kaya kitang kita ko ang bahagyang maskuladong braso niya. 

I bit my lip and looked away from her. I even caught Ate Amanda’s silly grin before she shook her head at me.

“It’s obvious you two” napanguso na lang ako at bumalik sa gitna ng backdrop. Naroon  na si Dale at hinihintay na niya ako  sa gitna.

We were given the make up kit and a lipstick and we were both close together while the make up kit was slightly close to my cheek while Dale applied the lip stick slightly to his lips. We were photographed again, we posed for a few more before I passed the make up kit to Dale and the lip stick to me but I didn’t put it near my lips, sapat na ang layo at ang pose na iyon para sa akin.

Bahagya akong ngumiti humawak ako sa balikat ni Dale habang ang kamay niya naman ay nasa aking baywang. 

I could see Mister Montero’s joy while watching Dale and I pose, it was freestyle and we didn’t need Ate Amanda’s help. I even saw Dale laugh at him because we were facing each other in the last pose and we also moved away so I saw him laugh.

“Thank you, Abby” Dale gave me a sweet smile before kissing my cheek. “I hope we can follow what we did”

“Sure, I want to work with you again” Hinawakan niya ang aking kamay at nilalayan akong makaalis sa backdrop. Yumuko siya kay Ate Amanda nang iwanan niya ako sa harapan nito. “Take care, Dale”

“You too, Abby, coffee sometime?” Mas malapad na ngiti ang ginawa ko.

“Sure! Thank you”

Lumayo na sa akin si Dale dahil may susunod pa siyang photoshoot habang ako naman ay kumuha ng tissue sa table upang punasan ang aking noo, tumutulo na ang pawis at naiinitan na rin ako nang bahagya.

“Abby!” masayang niyakap ako ni Andy halos idikit na niya ang kanyang mukha sa aking pisngi. “Ang ganda mo! Ang gwapo ni Dale ’no?” ako naman ang natawa dahil alam kong mapapansin niya talaga si Dale dahil gwapo naman talaga ito.

“Ikaw talaga” hinawakan ko ang magkabilang pisngi niya sabay na kinurot iyon. “Isang tao lang ang gusto ko para sayo” agad siyang napanguso, hindi naman bago sa kanya ang ganitong salita ko at kung ibang tao na ang gusto niya para sa kanya ay ayos lang. Alam kong ngayon na lang niya ulit nalibang ang sarili niya kaya hinding hindi ko iyon ipagdadamot sa kanya.“At kahit sino pa iyan, gusto ko masaya ka”

“Sure, let’s visit Aco sa sunday”

My smile became even sweeter while caressing her cheek when I heard her son’s name, we will visit him and we always do that even though we are very busy with our jobs. Hindi ko rin nakakalimutan pa ang inaanak ko.

“What food ang dadalhin natin for him?” binitawan ko na siya. “Ano ba cravings mo dati maliban sa apple?”

Saglit siyang nag-isip bago nangiti muli. “Hmm, Cinnamon roll”

Tanging cravings na lang ang basehan namin sa kung anong dadalhin naming pagkain kay Aco dahil iyon naman ang kinakain ni Andy noong ipinagbubuntis niya ito.

“I miss my baby boy na kaya kung walang trabaho ng sabado, punta rin tayo.”

“Oo naman kahit nga bukas na friday kung wala, pumunta tayo sa kanya”

Both of our smiles became wider and turned into laughter. I know what Andy’s thoughts are while looking at me, I know she’s happy, she’s happy somehow and even though sometimes it still hurts, I and Rico didn’t fail to remind her that there are still many good things that will happen. Sa lahat ng iyon maganda o hindi, kasama niya kami at kasama namin ang isa’t-isa.

Tanging si Elijah na lang ang kulang. Sobrang namimiss na namin siya at hinihintay na lang din talaga namin siyang bumalik.

“I also miss Elijah” bahagyang naging malungkot ang boses niya. “Sana nasa maayos siyang kalagayan…” Inabot ko ang kanyang kamay.

“Nasa maayos siyang kalagayan, nasisiguro ko rin iyon”

I said goodbye ’cause Mr. Montero who had talked to Andy so I left while Ate Amanda was busy on the computer with Maxl who I often catch looking at me and observing my actions.

I just sighed because all I could do was look at her. Sa ngayon ay hindi ko pa alam kung paano ko siya makakausap, huwag na lang muna siguro.

Nang matapos akong mag-cr ay tumingin na muna ako sa aking repleksyon, pinagmasdan ko ang sarili ko habang may make up pa rin sa aking mukha. Ako na lang ang magtatanggal nito dahil wala na rin naman akong kasunod na photoshoot.

While I was looking at my face in the mirror, I couldn’t help but think of Maxl and during the times she was gone, but it’s worse now that we’ve met again.

I’m still thinking about the way she looks at me because I can’t read that anymore, I can tell that she hides her emotions with her eyes better, I used to be able to read that easily but now she’s so deep. It seems like I’ll have a hard time reading her and I also want to talk to her but I also want it when I’m ready and I don’t have to worry about what to say. Mas kailangan ko na maging maingat sa mga ilalabas kong salita.

I just sighed and shook my head. I opened the faucet and washed my hands but when I was about to wash my face I saw Maxl by my side, I could see her in the mirror naroon na naman ang mga tingin niya sa akin na kagaya kanina.

Bahagyang umawang ang bibig ko pero hindi ko hinayaang makita lang niya ako nang ganon. Nagpatuloy ako sa aking paghuhugas pati na rin ang mukha ko ay binasa ko na upang madali ko na lang mapupunasan iyon.

I’m nervous at this time, I can feel my chest pounding again, I’m wiping my face but I can’t breathe calmly because I know she’s looking at me.

I was even more nervous when she started coming closer. My eyes widened as I looked at her as she stopped right next to me. I swallowed and looked at her.

Both of our eyes met at that moment I felt my heart beat again that I have felt for her for a long time ad before but I know somehow now that it still hasn’t changed, nothing has changed how my heart can be happy every time I look at her so close or so far. Sobrang natutuwa pa rin ang puso ko nandito man siya o wala.

Hindi kami nagsasalita habang nakatingin sa mga mata nang isa’t-isa. Hindi inaalis at kahit magpalit-lipat ang mga mata namin ay hindi iyon maalis pa kahit kailanman.

Ayoko na ulit siyang mawala sa paningin ko. Baka hindi ko na talaga kayanin. Sapat na ang dalawang taon at kalahati na wala siya.

I looked down when she raised her hand but I was even more surprised when she held it on my cheek. She held me, she held me again and I felt her gentle hold on me again after two years.

Hindi pa rin kami nagsasalitang dalawa tanging palitan lang ng tingin ang ibinibigay naming dalawa sa isa’t-isa.

I closed my eyes slightly when she moved her thumb, caressing my cheek near my eye. Napalunok na rin ako ngunit mas dinamdam ko ang paghaplos ng hinlalaki niya sa aking pisngi sa sobrang tagal kong hinintay iyon ulit nagawa ko pang damdamin iyon, hindi ko na alintana kung mapansin niya ako.

“Don’t let anyone kiss you”

Her voice was so deep to the point that I could feel what she meant and wanted to convey to me because the cheek she was holding and caressing now was the one Dale had kissed earlier.

I didn’t say anything but I let her say what she wanted to say, she still held me and didn’t let go.

“But I still understand why he kissed you” I opened my eyes and our eyes met again, her eyes were now very vulnerable, very calm and deep but I still couldn’t help those eyes. She can only give her eyes to me.

I let her, I let her firmly press her lips to mine very passionate, eager and I know it was full of jealousy but she still managed to be gentle with me.

Dinamdam ko ang labi niya, parehas kaming dinamdam ang mga labing matagal naming hindi naramdaman at natikman. Matagal at diin na halik ang binigay niya sa akin mga labi bago nilayo ang mukha niya.

I reached for her hand that was still holding my cheek and gently caressed it. I did that twice before I felt her being calmed.

“They’ll never get me like you did before”

“Really?” Idinikit niya ang kanyang noo sa aking noo. 

I let out a sweet smile. “Even if I haven’t seen you in years, no one can match you” muli kong hinaplos ang kamay niya sa akin.

“Don’t push me away again” I could feel and smell her fragrant breath in my nose and mouth. “I can’t stand being away from you anymore, Abby”

I nodded to her kindly, I nodded several times so that she would feel better that I would never let her come to my side again and push her away. Never again, two years and half are enough.

“Never again, I hope you can forgive me” I felt her shake her head again.

“I don’t need to forgive you because it’s not your fault and I understand everything you did for me. I’m not mad, never”

“I love you” 

“I love you so much and never changed”

Chapter 29

Nakayakap na kami sa isat-isa ngayon. Ayokong bumitaw sa kanya, sobrang namiss ko ang mgayakap niya at ng maramdaman na siya. Ayokong bumitaw kasi pakiramdam ko kapag bumitaw ako mas lalo siyang mawawala sa akin.

Mas hinahaplos niya ako nang nararamdaman niyang mas nilapit ko ang sarili ko sa kanya, mas sinubsob ko ang aking mukha sa kanyang leeg habang sya ay siniksik din ang kanyang mukha sa aking leeg nararamdaman ko na rin ang kanyang hininga. Mas napapikit ako at dinamdam iyon.

“I missed you so much” Bulong niya, ginawaran niya rin ang halik ang aking leeg.

“I missed you too so much” Sweet and very tender given to her. I also tightened my hug to her. “I won’t let you go anymore” Umiling siya sa aking leeg.

“Even if you push me away, I won’t leave again” masuyong sambit niya. “Not anymore”

We were in that state for a few minutes before we moved away. Our eyes met again and we slowly let out sweet smiles. I reached for her cheek and caressed it gently, I could still see the closing of her eyes, she held my hand that was holding her before she felt it.

I leaned forward and gave her a tender kiss on her lips, I also felt her response to me, very careful and loving. I also missed the way she held and kissed me, I missed everything about her. Pumulupot ang kanyang mga kamay sa aking baywang nang inilayo ko ang mukha ko sa kanya naroon pa rin ang mga namumungay niyang mga matang nakatingin sa akin.

Masasabi ko talagang sabik na sabik siya sa akin.

Muli niya akong hinalikan sa labi bago niya dalawang beses na hinalikan ang pisngi ko. Sobrang lambing ng mga halik niya sa akin hindi ko tuloy maiwasang matawa. She’s so soft and cutie right now.

“Why are you laughing?” Tanong niya nang makalayo sa aking pisngi na pinanggigilan niya.

“Cute mo eh, lambing yan” natatawang sambit ko sa kanya, siya naman ay nakapanguso na lang din at naipaling. “Cute cute mo naman” nangigigil na kinurot ko ang kanyang pisngi.

“Kiss me”

Malambing na hinalikan ko ang magkabilang pisngi niya. Pati na rin ang labi niya ay matagal kong binigyan ng halik.

“How are you?” Dahil sa tanong niya ay isang malawak na ngiti ang ibinigay ko sa kanya. “How are you in those two years and half?”

“I am fine, I have to be okay even without you, I was able to achieve my dreams, I have my own business and I am also the CEO of the company that Daddy gave me and now I work part time as a model.” Binitawan ko ang kanyang mukha at kanyang kamay naman ang aking hinawakan. “Mahirap pero kinaya ko…isang taon noong wala ka nalaman ko ring naabot mo ang mga pangarap mo…”

“Are you proud of me?” She asked with meaning and need. I smiled sweetly at her. Who wouldn’t be proud of her? With so many dreams, I know anyone would be proud of her including me.

“I am so proud of you…more than you and more than my words”

“I am so proud of you, Abby, so proud”

“Pangako…pangarap naman natin ang itutuloy natin…” I could see her nodding, happily agreeing with me as if she had been waiting for a long time to hear that word from me.

“I love you, Abby, I hope you give me a second chance” umiling naman ako agad sa kanya. “I want to be your girlfriend again.”

“Hindi na kailangan, Maxl” Pero ako naman ang inilingin niya.

“It’s fine with me and this is what I want to do, I also want to make it up to you and your family…to Tita and Tito” I could see the seriousness of her words especially when she mentioned Mommy and Daddy. She just doesn’t know that I’m not the only one waiting for her return.

“I’m not just waiting for you to come back, Maxl” Muling napuno ng pagkasabik ang kanyang mga mata, naghihintay at may gusto pang patunayan. “Mommy and Daddy are also waiting for you lalo na si Daddy, namimiss ka na niya at gusto ka na uit makita.”

Kita ko kung paano naging maamo ang mukha niya muli ring namungay ang mga mata niya na para bang hihintay niyang banggitin ko ang lahat nang ito sa kanya. Lalo na ang pagkasabik sa kanya nina Daddy at Mommy.

Her eyes were getting wet but she immediately stopped it, she held my hand even tighter while repeatedly nodding with a smile on her lips.

“R-Really…can you tell them when I can visit?” she asked me very eagerly. Agad akong tumango sakanya nang paulit-ulit habang nakangiti na rin ako.

“Sure, tatanungin ko sila, huwag ka masyadong mag-alala” Muli niya akong inabot at hinalikan ang aking pisngi nang sobrang lambing. “Sa ngayon, tayo na muna, ayos lang ba iyon?” agad na nakita ko ang may ngiti na naman niyang tango.

“Yes, Abby…Can I come to your house or condo?” 

“I have my penthouse” 

“Really?” I immediately nodded too. It’s late now, so I thought I’d better take her to my penthouse near here to the studio and company.

“Wha—”

“Hoy, mga bakla!” Agad kaming napatingin sa taong nasa gilid na ng pinto at nakatingin sa amin. “Ano? Tagal ninyo akala ko kung ano na gin—”

“Andy!” agad na sigaw ko. Napatingin pa ako pabalik kay Maxl dahil natawa na siya bago muling binalik kay Andy ang tingin. “Alam mo, umuwi na tayo!” Hinatak ko na si Maxl papunta kay Andy at siya naman ang hinatak ko palabas kami ng comfort room.

Naririnig ko pa silang nag-uusap ni Maxl habang hila-hila ko silang dalawa.

“Andy, let’s talk some another day, if that’s okay?” Naging maingat at masuyo ang boses ni Maxl, alam ko rin kung ano mga pwede niyang sabihin kay Andy kaya niya sinasabi ito at gusto niyang makausap.

“Okay, noted” maikling sambit ni Andy. “Sabihan mo na lang ako o kaya ni Abby kung kailan”

Nadaanna namin si Ate Amanda, napatingin pa siya kay Maxl at sa akin abgo kinuha si Andy sa amin. Nangiti na lang ako dahil seryoso isyang nakatingin kay Maxl muling tumango ngunit hinawakan na siya ni Maxl.

“Ate, let’s talk tomorrow” Napailing na lang si Ate Amanda may ngiti na sa labi niya nang umingon siya sa akin. “I’ll come at—”

“I know and okay, let’s talk bukas. Ako na rin ang bahala kay Andy ngayong gabi”

Tumango tango ako sa kanya. Bumeso ako kay Andy at kay Ate Amanda, hindi pa nakakaligtas sa akin ang mga ngiti ni Andy na nakakaloko. Napailing na lang ako.

Nadaanan ko pa si Dale, kumaway siya sa akin samantalang sumenyas lang ako sa kanya. Nang palabas na kami ay napatingin na ako kay Maxl nakikita ko na rin ang ibang staff na nakatingin sa amin siguro ay dahil na rin magkasama kami ni Maxl ngayon at bago lang din naman siyang nakapunta at nakilala ako para sa kanila.

Dale couldn’t escape Max’s gaze before turning to me again but it wasn’t serious anymore but one that was kind and careful. She’s really quick to change when she sees me. Lagi na lang nagtatapos sa tama ang mga paningin niya kapag ako na ang nakikita niya.

I held him tight for a long time, we hurried down to the parking lot. Wala pamasyadong tao sa parking dahil abala pa ang ibang staff sa studio, nauna na kaming dalawa kaya kami lang ang laman ng parking lot.

“Dale is just my partner, nothing more and I’m sorry if I let him kiss me earlier.” Nagtagal ang tingin niya sa akin ngunit hindi ko siya makitaan ng galit at selos doon. “I’m really sorry, hinding-hindi na mauulit…kahit kanino—”

My words was cut off immediately when he spoke, he gave me a word of caution.

“That won’t go away if you’re a model Abby, kisses and kisses on the girl’s cheek won’t go away. I understand why you’re sorry but you have nothing to apologize for. Yes I’m jealous but I know my jealousy is right and it’s not that bad.” Inabot niya ang aking pisngi. “But thanks anyway because you give me assurance, you don’t lose that and I promise even if you don’t ask I’ll give everything for you”

Muli akong ngiti sa kanya nang sobrang laki at tamis. Hindi ko na naman maiwasang maging masaya at ang pusa ko.

“I want to dedicate my time to you tonight, I want to answer everything you want to ask me, I know that apart from me, you also want to know what my life was like when I wasn’t here, I wasn’t by your side”

Masuyo akong tumango dahil hindi naman siya nagkamali sa mga sinabi niya, hindi siya mali sa mga sinabi niyang gusto ko ng kasagutan, gusto kong malaman kung ano ang naging buhay niya at ng pamilya noong mga panahon na wala sila rito.

“Let’s go, Abby”

We got on her white ducati motorcycle. I couldn’t help biting my lip because of what I thought. Her ducati is very hot, it’s really like her, very hot, pretty and sexy.

I just felt the cool and breeze, I just hugged Maxl as we continued riding her Ducati, we were silent, I couldn’t speak because I knew she wouldn’t understand me while driving. The only thing I felt was the happiness I felt, I was so happy while I was hugging her and I could feel the air on my body, Maxl’s body was so hot now and warm now. I missed her warmth.

I hope I don’t lose her and I really can’t take it anymore. Baka hindi ko na talaga makayanin na ako lang mag-isa ulit, gusto ko na siyang makasama sa lahat ng pangarap at plano ko sa buhay. Gusto ko iyong sigurado na kaming dalawa na hindi na namin kailangang maghiwalay para lang maging maayos ang problema na hindi naman namin kahit kailan pinangarap na mangyari, hindi na namin kailangan magsakripisyo.

I want to be with her for a long time, the long time we will reach everything we talked about before. The one that is sure, the one that we don’t have to fear anymore because I want to experience everything I want with her, with her I want to feel everything that I have never felt in my whole life. Alam ko namang ganon din ang nararamdaman niya sa akin, parehas lang kaming dalawa sa mga gusto at naiisip.

I hope it gets better or if there is still a problem, what I’m asking is that we both can do it, we don’t have to stop or choose to let each other down again. We will fight together.

Hindi ko namalayan na tumigil na pala kami. Nasa isang park kami na punong puno ng stall ng mga pagkain. Mukhang may festival na naman dito sa lugar.

“Baby, let’s buy shawarma and shawarma rice…” Lumingon sa akin si Maxl, nakatanggal na ang kanyang helmet at may ngiti na sa kanyang mga labi ngunit nawala rin nang makita ako. “Are you okay?”

“Yes” nakangiting sambit ko. Inalis ko na rin ang helmet ko at bumaba na. Hintay ko siyang ipark ang ducati niya sa parking na malapit sa amin. Muli siyang bumalik sa akin na nakangiti, inabot ang aking kamay at hinawakan.

Muli kaming nagbigay ng matamis na ngit sa isa’t-isa.

“Kung may chao fan dito, bumili rin tayo” nakangiting sabi ko gamit ang isang kamay ko ay humawak din ako sa kanyang braso. “I think I also want spicy noodles”

She smiled and nodded at me, came to me again and kissed my forehead.

“Sure, baby, let’s find that” Nagsimula na kaming maghanap habang naghahanap ay hindi nakakaligtas sa mga mata ko ang pagtingin sa amin ng mga tao, ang iba pa nga ay bumabati sa akin dahil isang beses ko na rin maging modelo ng Bench.

Hindi ako nagkulang na batiin na rin sila, kawayan at makipagkamay, hindi ko lang din nagawang makisama sa kanilang mga picture dahil ayoko na munang iwanan si Maxl, ito na yung tamang oras para mas makasama at maramdaman ko siya kahit maraming nakakilala sa amin. Hindi rin naman nawala ang mga taongbumabati at kumakaway sa kanya sa katunayan naman ay mas sikat pa nga siya sa akin.

As we approached the chao fan stall, Maxl whispered to me.

“Why didn’t you take a picture? It’s fine with me, I’ll wait” She asked sweetly and I smiled and turned to her.

“Don’t worry I can do that another day, I didn’t just do it because I’m with you, I don’t want to leave you just because they want me in the picture” Nakangiting paliwanag ko, kitang kita ko kung paano kumislap at mamangha ang mga mata niyang nakatingin sa akin sabay non ay ang saglit niyang pagkagat sa ibabang labi niya.

Natawa ako sa loob ko, ang cute niya talaga.

“You know, I want to kiss you” Tuluyan na akong natawa na siya namang kinailing ngunit may ngiti sa kanyang mga labi. “I can’t believe, really”

“You can have me later, baby ko” sabay kurot sa kanyang pisngi.

Bumili kami ng dalawang chao fan with siomai, kasunod ay ang korean buldak noodles naman na namiss kong kainin with her at ang pinakapaborito naming all beef shawarma at shawarma rice. Pinadamihan ko pa ng sauce dahil mas gustong gusto ko iyon.

Magkahawak kami ng kamay habang naglalakad palabas sa park, papunta na kaming parking para umuwi. Patingin tingin siya sa akin habang naglalakad kami, nasa kanya rin kasi ang mga pinamali namin, ayaw niya na ako ang magbitbit kahit na magaan naman ang ilan sa mga iyon.

“You’re so happy today, Abby, I missed looking at you like this” I couldn’t stop the smile on my lips at ramdam na ramdam ko na yung kilig sa katawan ko. Dinikit ko ang mukha ko sa kanyang braso dahil sa nararamdaman ko, nangigil pa ako at kiniskis ko pa ang mukha sa braso niya.

I could hear her laugh, for two years, I didn’t hear it for two years, I missed her for two years and now that she is here, I feel so happy in both of our hearts and I feel even more that we will do everything just to not be separated again.

“Abby, I promise we don’t have to let go of each other, I love you so much, I feel like if I lose you, I won’t be able to take it anymore” Naramdaman ko ang paghawak niya sa aking buhok. “I’ve fulfilled all my dreams in life, I’ve done what I told you before that I wanted to do, I’m happy but it’s not enough because you’re not there, I’m not with you” hinahaplos na niya ang buhok ko. “And now that you’re here again, I’ve proven something, I can say that I’m more deserving of you now”

Umiling ko sa balikat niya, inilayo an mukha ko at tumingla sa kanya. Kita ko na naman ang pagkasabik niya sa kung anong sasabihin ko.

​​Even when we were studying she already proved a lot, she had a job when we were studying while I still had nothing to prove but she was able to work and follow all her dreams in her life. So if she thought that she was not deserving for me then she is wrong. Napakaraming dahilan na hindi ko na mabilang para masabi kong sobra sobra siya para sa akin.

“You’ve been deserving of me for a long time and you’ve become more deserving now, don’t say you don’t deserve where you were before because of the things you made me feel like you’re too much, sobra sobra lahat ng ginawa mo para sa akin.” Kita ko sa mga mata niya ang saya, naluluha siya pero masaya na akong dahil iyon sa tuwa. “Marami na rin akong napatunayan ngayon, sana maging mas deserving din ako para sayo kaysa noon”

“We’ve made a lot of sacrifices, I hope now we can make it up to each other…” She nodded slowly, wiping her eyes.

“I’ll make it up for both of us, Abby” Hinaplos niyang muli ang aking buhok. “Let’s stay together this time”

“Hindi na tayo maghihiwalay pa”

Muli kaming bumayahe pauwi sa penthouse ko. Namangha pa si Maxl nang makita iyon, nagagawa na niya akong tuksuhin na parang sobrang yaman ko na ngayon

“Shut up kung makapagsalita ka parang pantay na yaman natin” Natatawa niyang nilapag sa bar counter ang mga pinamili naming dalawa. “May flowe—”

“I know, Ate Amanda told me” may ngiti sa labi niya. “Let’s visit your show tomorrow…” Lumapit ako sa kanya tahimik akong yumakap sa kanyang baywang at sinubsob ko ang mukha ko sa leeg niya.

Gusto ko na lang talaga maglambingan na lang kami, namiss ko talaga siya pakiramdam ko maiiyak ako kapag wala akong yakap sa kanya.

’Wag na kumain, lumandi na lang.

Naramdaman ko rin ang pagyakap niya sa aking baywang nang sobrang higpit sa sobrang higpit din ay napasubsob na rin siya sa aking leeg. I felt her breath on my neck which made me want her more.

“Huwag na kumain, ganito na lang tayo” I hummed while still hugging her, I heard her laugh na siyang bahagya kong kinanguso. “Miss ko na kalandian mo”

Mas lalong lumakas ang tawa niya dahilan para gumalaw din ang katawan naming dalawa kahit ako naman ay natawa na rin. “Bakit ayaw mo ba?!” pabiro kong sigaw at lumayo na sa kanya. 

Pinanlalakihan ko siya ng mga mata, nag aabang sa kanyang sagot pero mas lalo lang niya akong tinawanan. Umiiling at hinawakan na ang mga plastik bag sa counter, isa-isa niyang nilabas ang mga pagkain namin.

“It’s just hunger, Abby” Mas lalong napasimangot ako sa sinabi niya. Ayaw niya bang nilalandi ko siya at nilalandi niya ako? Hindi na siya malandi ngayon?! Parang noon lang ang landi niya sa akin.

“Ano? Ah ganon baka ayaw mo na sa—” Agad na paputol ang sasabihin ko nang bigla niya akong hinalikan sa labi. “Aba!”

“Shh…I’m hungry let’s baby time later” Agad na lumaki ang tenga ko sa narinig ko. Baby time later daw!

“Talaga? Dali tara na! Lutuin mo na ang noodles ko!” Nilabas ko ang buldak noodles tsaka binigay sa kanya. “Ako na bahala sa paghain, baby ko”

“Sure my baby” Nagbigay pa ako ng halik sa kanyang pisngi bago siya pumunta ng kalan habang ako naman ay naghanda ako ng mga plato namin at ang mga pagkain na binili namin.

Nang matapos ako ay nilapitan ko siya, kalalgay lang niya ng noodles. Napalingon siya sa akin, may ngiti na naman sa labi.

I teased her with a look when she started to wrap her hands around my waist, she was on my side so I could see her consciously. She reached for my face and gave me a few kisses on the cheek. Over and over again and it seems like she doesn’t want to stop. Hindi pa siya nakuntento, nagawa pa niyang isubo ang pisngi ko at kagatin.

“Hindi ka malandi niyan ha” sabi ko. Pinisil ko ang kanyang pisngi. “Halata ka masyado baks”

“Dami mo namang tawag sa akin” Natawa nanaman ako, nagtagalog na siya pero mas natawa ako sa pagrereklamo niya ng tagalog sa akin. “Okay, I love it naman”

Nang maluto ang noodles ay dinala na namin sa table, siya pa rin ang naglagay ng ingredient nito at naghalo habang ako naman ay nilagyan siya sa kanyang bowl ng pagkain.

Before eating we prayed, I prayed and then we started eating. Namiss ko rin kumain ng mga paborito ko habang kasama niya, siya naman ay sinisilayan ko dahil ngayon ko lang din ulit nakita siyang nakangiti sa pagkain, sa paborito niyang pagkain.

Nakangiti lang tuloy ako habang kumakain kami at nakatingin sa kanya ganon din siya sa akin na hindi niya maalis ang tingin.

“Baby, You can ask eveything now…” Nagtagal ang tingin naming dalawa sa isa’t-isa. Marami akong tanong at sana sa maraming iyon, kuha ko rin sana ang sagot.

“How have you and your family been for two years in London?”

A/N:

Sorry for the late upload, busy na rin po sa school may pasok na. Keep safe and dry everyone!

Chapter 30

Maliit siyang ngumiti sa akin, inubos niya muna ang mga pagkain na nasa bibig niya bago niya ako sinagot.

“It wasn’t easy because halos hindi ko sila makilala when I went to London, Maxcil is still in therapy until now, I saw his change before I left” I nodded while listening to her. I held her hand before I took a bite of noodles with my other hand. “Sometimes his anxiety and fear still attacks him but now he is under control while Mom is fine after our one year in London but she is still undergoing therapy now…” I caressed her hand with my thumb. “I’m happy because they’re okay…I’ve been fine, I tried to be okay because my ate Amanda was with me, she never left me.”

“I was also able to work again, I was able to pursue my dream in just a few months. It only took me a few months to get going and graduate. That’s why I was able to become a model, atw Amanda also offered me” Ngumiti ako sa kanya, mas nakakatuwa pa rin pala kapag naririnig ko siya mismo na nagkukwento sa mga nangyari sa kanya. “Our company here came from Lola, I still have it until now, I only had an assistant left when I was in London”

“I can manage your company if you will let me.” Taas na noong sabi ko, gumalaw pa ang dalawang kilay ko para maniwala talaga siya. “Mas marunong na ako ngayon”

“Sure sure, No problem” She reached for my cheek and gently pinched it. “I will help with your work too, baby”

“May isa pa akong tanong…” Matagal ko siyang tinignan. Napansin niya siguro ang expression ko kaya binitawan na niya ang pisngi ko.

“What is it? Ask me” Can he answer? What will happen if I want to get an answer from her from that question? Ayoko na kasing hindi pa ako malaman, may huli na naman akong malaman at baka wala na naman akong magawa.

I sighed a little before speak. “What happened…to Maxcil’s father?”

Napalunok ako nang matapos kong itanong ang bagay na iyon. Iyon ang gusto kong malaman, gusto kong malaman nang mas maaga pa.

Because of my question, she looked at me longer as if sh was not only looking at me but also thinking very deeply, the depth of her thoughts even looking at me. Umiwas siya ng tingin sa akin, binaba niya ang mga iyon sa chao fan niyang paubos na.

I was nervous, maybe I was insensitive to my question so she reacted like this.

I saw and heard her sigh.

“Will you take me back when I say I haven’t found him yet?”

Bahagyang napakurap ang mga mata ko, hindi dahil hindi niya pa nahahanap muli ang tatay ni Maxcil kundi dahil alam kong iyon pa rin ang pangamba niya hanggang ngayon. Kaya kita kong minsan may gusto siyang sabihin sa akin na hindi ko mabasa.

Humigpit ang hawak ko sa kanyang kamay sobrang higpit na pinaramdam ko sa kanyang babalikan ko pa rin siya kahit anong mangyari, kahit mahanap o hindi niya pa ang tatay ng kapatid niya.

“Honestly, I love you Abby but I can’t put you and your family through this mess I have anymore.” muli siyang tumingin sa akin. “I would rather you not be involved in my family’s mess, you know how much I was hurt by what happened to your Daddy”

Napadila ako sa aking labi. Hindi ko rin alam kung anong sasabihin ko, kung ano na mamang desisyon ko dahil tama siya kapag binalikan ko siya pwede na naman ulit madamay ang pamilya ko. Pero hindi ko na siya kaya pang iwanan sa mga problema niya, hindi ko na kayang itaboy siya para lang walang madamay sa mga pamilya namin.

Hindi ko maiwasang matawa sa isip ko. Hanggang ngayon pala kailangan naming magsakripisyo, kailangan na naman naming pag isipan kung paano namin gagawin ang bagay na alam naming hindi masisira sa relasyon namin.

“I want us to be careful, Abby, I want us not to be together for once…I know he won’t stop until he revenge on me or my brother…” Tumango ako, paulit-ulit akong tumango. Naiintindihan ko lahat ng sinasabi niya. “Also you…I don’t want you to be hurt again.”

Inabot niya akong muli hinawakan ang magkabilang pisngi ko at pinagdikit niya ang noo naming dalawa.

“Naiintindihan ko, Maxl, naiintindihan ko ang lahat ng sinasabi mo at gusto mong mangyari.” Humawak na alo sa mga kamay niyang nakahawak sa akin. Tumatango ako sa kanya. “Please…huwag ka lang mawawala sa akin ulit.”

Umiling siya. “I will never lose you and you will never love me, Abby” She kissed my forehead. “I’m sorry if we always have to sacrifice our relationship because of the problem I have, I promise when it’s all over we’ll be happy, you won’t experience this again.”

I will not make her feel that she is the obstacle to all the sacrifices we both make because she can fight and not give up but because she also wants to protect me, she able to make sacrifices and make decisions that are against her and our will. With what’s happening to her, my love for her doesn’t fade even if there are many more problems I will never regret that I loved her and she is still the one I will love again and again. Siya ang paulit ulit kong mamahalin kahit anong mangyari.

Deserving pa rin siya sa akin kahit anong mangyari kahit sobrang sakit at sobrang sakripisyo pa ang gawin naming dalawa magiging worth it pa rin iyon dahil sa kanya iyon. I gave myself to her for so long and I never regretted it. She is worth loving and fighting for, always.

“Don’t think that because of the problems you have, your deserving of me will be never fade. It took you a long time to prove yourself to me and until now you continue to prove that no one can match you, na ako pa rin ang deserving sa lahat ng pagpapatunay mo… “ Tumango siya muli niya akong kinulong sa kanyang bisig. “Mahal na mahal kita at hinding hind ko pagsisisihan na minahal kita at laging pinipili.”

“I will continue to prove myself to you, I will not stop” She kissed my hair. ““You don’t have to wait because I make sure everything is done.”

“I know…but don’t forget na I’m here…I’m with you”

“Yes, baby…I know”

After we talked and ate, I rested before taking a shower, Maxl didn’t let me wash the things we ate. I was just looking at her while he was washing the dishes, nakatalikod siya sa akin at ako naman ay nakaupo lang.

Ramdam ko kasing naging emosyonal kami sa pag-uusap namin ngayong araw. Ang dami na naming napag-usapan at naramdaman kahit hindi kami nag-uusap. Ramdam ko ang sabik na kasiyahan namin at ang kaunting pangamba pero sa sitwasyon ngayon mas sabik kaming maging maayos na at kaming dalawa namin.

Sana dumating iyong araw na kaming dalawa naman, kaming dalawa at walang problema pa.

Tumayo ako at lumapit sa kanya upang magpaalam na magshower na ako.

“I’ll take shower na”

“Sure, baby…” Humalik siya sa aking noo.

“Ayaw mo ba sumabay?” Tanong ko. Kita ko na agad siyang natigilan, natawa ako sa isip ko dahil  kita ko agad ang pamumula ng tenga niya. “It’s okay with me.”

“Uh…” Napakamot siya sa kanyang ulo. “Is that really okay?”

Sobra ko na siyang pinagtatawanan sa isip ko dahil sa pagiging kamatis ng mukha niya, hindi na rin siya makatingin sa akin at halatang kinakabahan.

“Oo naman, tara?” Tapos na siyang maghugas at naitabi na rin ang mga nahugasan niya kaya hinatak ko na siya papuntang banyo.

“Huwag mo na intindihin ang damit mo, marami akong damit at kung problema mo ay boxer, meron ako”

“What?” Mas lalo akong natawa. Tawang tawa ako sa reaksyon niya dahil parang nadagdagan ang pagiging maloko ko sa kanya habang siya ay walang ideya. “Why do you have boxers?” Naging madiin ang tanong niya.

Sinarado ko ang pinto ng bathroom at nilingon na siya. Napalitan ng seryoso ang hiya na nakikita ko sa expression niya kanina.

“Naalala kita nong nakakita ako ng boxers, binili ko alam ko namang magkikita pa rin tayo.” Kinindatan ko siya, siya naman ay muli na namang nahiya at mas lalong namula. Tinakpan niya pa ang mukha niya.

“You really like to fool me” Inalis niya ang kanyang kamay sa kanyang mukha. “let’s take a bath”

“Shower muna tayo then sa bathtub, may heater naman ako if you want” Sumilay na ang ngiti sa kanyang labi.

Nagsimula siyang hubarin ang polo niya hindi ko maiwasang panoorin siya at silayan ang katawan niya. Napalunok ako.

A lot has really changed in her, especially in her body, before her body was not very muscular, now she has enough, I can see the shape of her waist that fits her and her abs are more visible. Her body shape is still there, still muscular and sexy. So fucking hot.

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa pants niya. Napailing na lang ako agad at bumalik ng tingin sa kanya, nakatingin na rin siya sa akin.

Inalis ko ang pagkakabutones ng aking long sleeve polo at hinubad iyon, nakatingin lang at pinapanood ako ni Max habang ginagawa ko iyon.

I can see how sweetly she looks at me, she doesn’t miss my every move, even when I take off my clothes completely, she followed. She swallowed when I grabbed my bra, I took it off and I saw her looking at my chest.

I can really see that she is very excited for me, eager to see and watch me now without any sensual feeling.

And I grabbed my skirt and while I was taking it off, she was still watching me, as I bent down to take it off and was just looking at me until I was completely undressed even my underwear.

I looked away when I saw the middle of her pants. She already has a boner.

“Maghubad ka na o mauna ka na sa bathtub, may tabo naman oh” Tinuro ko ang katabi niyang palda ng tubig at may tabo. “Magbuhos ka, hintayin mo ako sa tub”

Kahit pa kinakabahan ako ay tumapat na ako sa shower at binuksan iyon. Naginhawahan ako kahit paano dahil sa init ng shower, sobrang lamig kasi sa labas naghahanap din ako ng tubig na mainit para sa katawan ko.

I couldn’t see what Maxl was doing because I couldn’t hear her pouring water with the tabo. I just continued to shower and let the hot water flow over my body. Pagod din ako at ito ang kailangan ko.

Maya-maya ay naramdaman ko ang presensya niya sa aking likod. Sumabay sa akin na hinahayaan ang tubig na bumabagsak sa aking katawan.  Mas nakaramdam ako ng ginhawa nang maramdaman kong malapit lang siya sa akin.

I could see the movement of her arms from my side because she was probably brushing her wet hair and wetting some parts of her body.

Ginawa ko na rin ang ginagawa niya, mas binasa ko ang katawan ko bago ako nagsabon. Ngunti kinuha niya iyon sa akin nang nasa leeg ko na.

“Let me” Binigay ko sa kanyang ang sabon at hinayaan kong lagyan niya ang kanyang likod, sa totoo lang mas ramdam ko pang mainit ang  palad niya kaysa sa tubig at sabon.

I was just looked up as I closed my eyes and felt her every movement on my back until it stopped and I no longer felt her hand. I opened my eyes and looked at her behind me.

She soaps herself, she bends down and looks at her body while doing it so I can see her freely. From her chest, to her abs and to her ‘thing’.

I swallowed while looking at it, I don’t want to describe it but I can say that it doesn’t really fit me anymore. Pakiramdam ko iiyak na naman ako kung sakali.

Bago pa niya ako mahuli ay umiwas na alo ng tingin.

“Mauna na ako sa tub, baby” suyong sambit ko.

“Wait for me” Agad akong tumigil sa paglakad. Nilingon ko siya at nagbabanlaw na siya ng katawan.

Nakakadistract talaga ang nakikita ko.

Nang matapos siya ay hinawakan niya ako sa kamay siya ang naunang lumakad habang ako ay  nakasunod sa kanya. Nauna siyang sumampa sa bathtub, ako ay inalalayan niya bago siya umupo at tinulungan niya akong umupo sa kanyang harapan. Nakalikod ko siya habang siya ay nakasandal na.

“Is it okay?” Nilingon ko siya at tumango. “I love you” sabay na sambit niya.

“I love you so much, baby ko” Sumandal ako sa kanya at salamat talaga na hindi ko ramdam iyon sa likod ko.

“I missed this too with you.” Humalik siya sa buhok ko.

“Me too…” Yumakap ang mga braso niya sa akin, hinawakan ko ang mga iyon at mas lalo ko pang dinikit ang sarili ko sa kanya. “Ganito na lang tayo ulit”

“Sure, Let’s do this every night…”  Malamyos at punong puno ng pagkasabik ang boses niya. “I really missed you…”

“You can touch me…”

“Hmm…” Dinikit niya nang mariin ang kanyang mukha sa aking leeg. “You smell really good, baby” She caressed my neck and shoulders a few times before returning to my cheeks.

When she moved her face away from my cheek, our eyes met. She’s so eager and want to feel what I see in her eyes, I see so much longing that I know that only I can give her happiness again. Ako lang makakapuno noon lahat.

I touched her cheek and I didn’t wait any longer, I kissed her to make me feel that she wasn’t the only one missing and longing. She hugged me even tighter, I completely faced her and sat on her lap.

The movement of our lips became passionate, I joined her movements and pressed the kiss to her more. I clung to her neck and continued kissing, we continued kissing until I could hear our lips, she inserted her tongue into me while still kissing passionately.

“Hmm…” I can’t help but to moan between our kisses, napapaungol ako sa sarap na ibinibigay niya sa akin at bumabagal ang pahinga ko dahil sa labi niya.

Napunta ang mga kamay niya sa ilalim ng dibdib ko, hinahaplos ako na siyang nagbibigay sa akin ng dagdag na sensual at init ng katawan.

I moved my hands and slowly moved them to her shoulders and one of my hands grabbed her neck. I’m still following the movement of her lips, so gently and eager, we don’t want to let go.

I could feel her on my thigh, it was sticking but she continued to kiss me, she was still caressing my body with her thumb na mas lalong nagpapawala sa aking sarili dahil sa ginhawa at init na binibigay nito.

“Hmm” We moved our faces away from each other as we slowed down and stopped. Our eyes met again and I could see all the excitement and love in her eyes that were longing on me. Nakita ko kung paano niya ginalaw ang ibabang labi niya. “You’re so pretty, Abby”

“I know” Inabot ko ang kanyang pisngi, hinaplos ko ang pisngi niya gamit ang aking hinlalaki. “You’re so sexy and hot right now…”

I saw her laugh. “Really?” Tumango ako, inabot ko ang kanyang brasong maskulado at marahan na hinaplos iyon, kita kong sinundan niya ng tingin iyon. “See? You’re so hot and sexy…gusto na lang umupo sa mukha mo”

I could see the amazement in her eyes because of what I said, I could see her eagerness for me but she just held it back. “Not now, baby”

“Hmm, I feel you on legs” Mapang-asar ko pang sabi dahilan para gumalaw ang panga niya. Hinawi niya ang basa niyang buhok bago ako muling niyakap ng mga braso niya, napasubsob na siya sa aking dibdib, ginagalaw ang mukha roon na damdam na damdam sa mukha niya ang dalawang dibdib ko.

“Not now, baby, I want lambing” Natawa ako sa paraan ng pagsasalita niya lalo siyang sumiksik sa dibdib ko. “Baby, please”

“Nasa dibdib na kita, iyan ba ang lambing na gusto mo?”

Masuyong tumango siya, natatawang hinahaplos ko ang kanyang buhok at bahagyang yumuko upang halikan ang buhok niya. Dinikit ko pa ng matagal ang mukha sa buhok niya. We stayed in that position before moving again and moving our bodies away from each other. Our eyes meet again, I can see her eyes full of love and gentle for me again, she has been looking at me that way for a long time.

“I love you, Abby…” Muli kong hinalos ang pisngi niya gamit ang hinlalaki ko. “I love you so much” Gumalaw siya at muling sumiksik na naman sa aking leeg, nararamdaman ko ang hininga niya. “Don’t push me again, please”

“Hindi, hindi na” Ginawaran ko ng halik ang kanyang buhok. “Hindi na…hindi na tayo maghihiwalay pa” “When do you plan to get married? Napangiti ako sa tanong niya, handa naman na akong magpakasal, ang hindi pa ako handa ay ang magkapamilya, alam ko namang normal iyon at napag-usapan na namin ni Maxl ang bagay na iyon dati pa.

“Kahit kailan” Dahil sa sagot ko ay umalis siya sa leeg ko, tinitignan na naman ako ng may ngiti sa kanyang mga labi, litaw na litaw na nga ang mga dimple niya.

“Really?”

“Yes, baby”

Humalik siya sa aking pisngi bago ako muling kinulong sa kanyang bisig. “Okay, sure…”

Tumayo na kami sa bathtub ilang minuto na rin kaming naroon at nalalamigan na rin ako, hindi ko na rin kayang magtagal sa bathroom. Tinulungan ako ni  Maxl na maisuot ang aking damit nang makalabas kami sa banyo, katabi lang ng kama ko ang mga iyon kaya siya na ang malayang kumuha ng mga iyon.

“Baby, what you want?” Pinakita niya ang hawak niyang cycling at sweat shorts. Napatingin ako roon at hindi ko maiwasang matawa dahil halata namang hindi siya nagsusuot ng ganon. “Sweat shorts, baby” Kinuha ko iyon siya naman ay binalik ang cycling sa lagayan at kumuha naman ng sando. “Sando or…” kumuha siya ng isang t-shirt.

“Sando na lang, gusto ko” Muli niyang binali sa lagayan ang hindi ko pinili. Nagsusuot ako ng shorts habang nakatingin siya sa akin, nakangiti naghihintay din dahil mukhang gusto niyang siya ang magsuot ng sando sa akin.

When I finished with my shorts, she came to me, completely removed the bathrobe I was wearing from my body, she didn’t forget to kiss my cheek twice.

“Baby, oh” She put the shirt he was holding on me and when I put it on, her smile widened. “You’re really pretty” Muli na naman niya akong hinalikan sa pisngi bago sa labi.

“Thank you baby ko” Inayos ko ang aking buhok at kinuha na rin ang boxer at t-shirt. Tumingin ako sa kanya. “Susuotan din kita”

“Okay okay, sure” Para siyang bata na naghihintay sa akin na makalapit para mabihasan ko na siya, hindi pa rin kasi nawawala ang mga ngiti sa kanyang labi kaya natatawa na ako, hindi ko rin mapigilang hindi kurutin ang pisngi niya at halikan.

“Cute mo”

“I know, kiss me more later”

Tinulungan niya akong maisuot ko sa kanya ang short niya, nangiti pa ako habang nakatingin sa gitna ng hita niya nang tuluyan niyang naisuot iyon.

“Calm down, you’ll get Maxl junior next time too” Hinawakan niya ang aking pisngi sabay masuyong hinalikan. “No make love muna”

Natatawang umiling ako sa kanya. Namiss ko ang lahat sa kanya pati si Junior pero mas gusto ko munang maglandian at maglambingan kami. Sunod na sinuot ko sa kanya ay ang t-shirt nang matapos na ay buhok niya namana ng inayos ko dahil nasa loob pa ng damit niya.

“Baby, tuyo na buhok ko” Sabi ko habang pinupunasan niya ang buhok ko. “Punasan mo na lang ng kaunti”

She continued to wipe my hair, both of our hair was dry, just a little wipe so we could lie down on the bed. Next thing she did she brushed my hair and I smiled even more when I remembered the first time she dried my hair and brushed it and then she did it again and she is still the one I want to do with me.

Ganon din ako sa kanya, gusto ko ako na talaga ang magaasikaso sa kanya kahit anong mangyari, pagsisilbihan at aalagaan ko rin siya kahit anong mangyari.

Nang makahiga na kami, hindi ko nakalimutan siya ang unang lagyan ko ng kumot bago ang katawan ko. Nakangiti siya sa akin habang pinapanood akong inaayos ang kumot niyang nasa katawan na niya. 

“Come here” Inuunat niya ang braso niya upang makahiga ako. “Let’s take a rest…” Sumiksik ako sa kanyang katawan siya naman ay niyakap din ako habang hinahaplos ang aking likod.

“Can you come with me tomorrow sa shop? or what time?” Tanong ko.

“Anytime, baby, I’m free tomorrow. What about you?”

Umiling ako. Wala naman akong ganap ako bukas, next week na ulit ang photoshoot ko, ang company naman pwedeng gabi ko pa puntahan at ang shop naman ay bukas na ng umaga.

“Sa shop na lang tayo bukas, sa hapon ay punta akong company.” Naramdaman ko ang pagtango niya, hinahaplos niya pa rin ang likod ko.

“Sure, baby”

“Goodnight, love”

“I love you, goodnight”

Nagising ako nang maramdaman kong may tumatamang init at liwanag na sa aking mukha. Napapikit ako lalo at mas yumakap kay Maxl.

“Hmm” Gumilid na ako upang hindi na ako matamaan ng liwanag. Naramdaman ko ang galaw ni Maxl ngunit hindi muna ako dumilat. “Baby…”

“Sleep again”  I heard her morning and soft voice, napangiti ako at nagpatuloy na lang sa aking pagyakap at pagsiksik sa kanya. Mabilis lang din ako mawala sa antok pero ayos lang dahil sana na ang katawan ko sa umaga.

Hinalikan niya ang aking noo kaya mas lalo akong sumiksik sa kanya, pinapahid ko ang mukha ko sa kanyang dibdib.

“You so cute, baby”

“I know, love…”

“Abby” Tawag niya. Alam ko namang seryoso siya kaya hindi ko nagawang kabahan, wala na akong dapat ikabahala kapag siya iyong  kasama ko.

“Hmm?”

“Let’s get married”

Chapter 31

Nag-angat ako ng tingin a kanya kahit pa papikit-pikit pa ako. Alam ko namang napag-usapan naming dalawa iyon, sabi ko rin Anytime pero mali pa, siguro kapag naging maayos na ang lahat, gusto kong magpakasal na sa kanya kapag alam naming mas malaya na kami, malaya na kami hanggang sa magkaroon kami ng totoong pamilya.

I hope she somehow thinks about that too, I hope she understands and even if I ask for it, she will have the initiative because I know she can feel it in me.

“Baby, I’m sorry because I told you anytime, I don’t think now, I want everything to be fine before we get married. Is that all right? I hope you don’t think that I hesitate to do things that for both of us because we still have a problem that needs to be fixed, it’s not like that but in truth I just want everything to be fixed first” Inabot ko ang kanyang pisngi at hinaplos iyon, gusto ko kahit nag-uusap kami at nagpapakatotoo s aisa’t-isa maramdaman niyang kasama niya pa rin ako at mas pinahahalagaan ko kung ano ang mas nakakabuti sa kanya at sa aming dalawa.

She looked at me again calmly and gently, she held my hand that was holding her, she closed her eyes slightly, feeling my touch on her cheek.

“I understand…” I looked at her for a minute, I waited for her to open her eyes before I spoke again.

“Please tell me if you don’t like what I’m saying, you don’t agree and if I’m trampling on your emotions and you want to make a decision” Masuyong sambit ko dahil totoo naman gusto kong malaman kung ano ba talaga hindi yung palagi na lang siyang sumasang-ayon sa akin. “Huwag kang sumang-ayon sa akin lagi, please?”

Umiling siya pero umiling din ako. “Please? If you want us to get married, let’s—’

“Baby, you’re trampling on me or my emotions, never even before. Don’t think and say that.” Hinawakan niya nang mahigpit ang kamay ko, naninigurado at gustong-gusto niyang maramdaman kong sigurado siya at totoo ang sinasabi niya. “I want to hear what’s on your mind, always and I’m sorry because I feel like I’m really excited for you, to see you and be with you, that we don’t have to be apart anymore”

“I hope you feel that even though I always agree with you, I still want to know everything and I can do something for you because sometimes I feel that other decisions or what I say are not what you agree with and are wrong.” Muli kong hinaplos ang pisngi niya.

“And please, no matter what I decided then, at least now I have given you the assurance that that will never happen again, I will never let you lose me. I’m sorry because that’s the only way I see to be whole again both of us for ourselves.” Masuyo siyang ngumiti sa akin at tumatango.

“I know…I really don’t want to lose you, please never again” Umiling ako nang paulit-ulit. “I love you, I really do…”

“I love you so much and always, let’s do this right this time, okay?” Tumango siyang muli sa akin. “Ayos lang ba, kapag 27 na ako, tsaka tayo magpakasal?”

“Really? Three years are also easy for me to wait ’cause we’re already together.” Mas lumawak ang ngiti niya dahilan kung bakit mas mangiti na rin ako. “I’m sure and fine with that, really” Humalik siya sa aking noo. “Promise, all problems will be over…we won’t have any more problems and you won’t have any more problems.”

“I know and please I’m always here” Muli niya akong binalot sa akin bisig, sobrang higpit at punong puno ng pagmamahal ang binibigay niya sa akin

Nanatili kami sa ganoong ayos hanggang sa unti-unti na akong bumangon. Anong oras na pala kailangan ko na ring bumisita sa shop. Nilingon ko si Maxl na tahimik pero pagtingin ko sa kanya ay nakatitig na siya sa akin sabay silay ng ngisi.

Kumikot ang labi ko sabay kurot sa pisngi niya. “Yang ngiti mo ha” Pinanood ko kung paano siya tumawa, inilapit ang katawan sa akin at muling sumubsob sa aking leeg.

“I really really missed you so much” Naramdaman ko ang paghalik at pag-amoy sa aking leeg. “I can’t you to be my wife”

“Sus” Sambit ko pero totoong napupunit na ang labi ko sa kakangiti dahil sa saya at mga naririnig ko sa kanya. “Napaka bolera mo na!”

“No, baby” She answered like a baby. She moved away from my neck and kissed my face, she gave three kisses before we looked at each other again. Her sweet smiles and eyes that shine so brightly are still there. “I love you, I will marry you”

Maxl was with me all day and never left my side. In the shower we were still together, at breakfast we always talked like that and we talked even more while we were together. I have never seen her that sge didn’t make up for me even with the simple care and attention she showed me. Kahit mismo ang mga bagay na kaya ko ay siya pa rin ang gumagawa pa sa akin.

“Baby, you’re so pretty…” Muli niya akong tinignan nang masuyo at masaya. “Can I kiss you?” My smile grew wider. I just put on make up and my face is fine. “I want to kiss you but I might ruin your makeup”

“Anong halik ba yan baka talagang masira” Napanguso na lang siya sa akin habang ako ay tumawa nang tumawa.

I can see how she looks at me while laughing, the looks as if she really waited to see me again and the looks that I know she misses doing when I’m with her. she really loves me, I know that, I know more one I love her.

I know that when it comes to love, she gives me more, she makes me feel more than I should feel between the two of us. And even in that way, she still makes me feel like she’s the one who takes care of everything, she’s the one now because I’ve done my part before. Ngunit hindi ko ipaparamdam sa kanya na mag-isa pa rin siya ngayon, sasamahan ko na siya.

She gave me a very careful and gentle kiss on my cheek because of my make up. “Ang ganda mo talaga”

Tumawa ako. Ang sarap niya talagang asarin ngayon pakiramdam ko tuloy tinatawanan na niya rin ako sa loob-loob niya.

“Baliw na baliw ka na naman sa akin, ganda ko ’no?”

Mas lumapad ang ngisi niya habang tumatango, labas na labas na ang dimples niya. “Of course, baby, I love you, you’re so so pretty” Ginagaya niya na rin ang boses ko kapag inaasar siya. “Let’s go, baby?”

“Halos isang oras ka rin naghintay.”

“No matter how long” Muli ngiti ang iniwan niya sa akin bago ako hinalikan sa noo. “I’m always waiting for you so take your time, no matter how long…”

Natahimik ako dahil sa loob ko ay kinikilig na talaga ako. Hindi ko maiwasang matuwa gusto ko na nga ring magtitila at ihilamos ang mukha ko sa dibdib niya kaso may make up ako at masisira.

“I love you, thank you for always loving and waiting for me…”

“I am not another person to not love and wait for you” Inabot niya ang kamay ko at hinalikan. “Let’s go, I want to see your shop”

While we were in the car, Maxl and I kept talking, we didn’t spend hours or minutes talking, we were really making the most of what was wasted before. She was holding my hand with one hand on the steering wheel, caressing my hand with her thumb. Minsan ay nilalapit niya iyon sa kanya sabay halik.

Nilabas ko ang phone ko at kinuhaan siya ng litrato na nakadikit pa rin ang kamay ko sa labi niya.

She looked at med but her sweet smile was still there. She pressed a kiss to my hand again before facing the road again.

I can’t stop smiling while looking at her photo, I can see her face is really calm and peacefully, her life when I’m with her I can see her eyes full of joy and hope every time our eyes meet. I am the only person who can give her this calm presence, feeling and love. I’m definitely sure. I will not be mistaken in what I see now with us or with her.

I hope the time is right for us, I hope the time is right for us to be together and we don’t need to be apart anymore. I want to make sacrifices but it’s not for us to separate, I really can’t let that happen anymore, hindi ko na talaga kakayanin pa ang mawala siya sa buhay ko kahit sa dalawang taon at kalahati, kulang na kulang ang buhay at ang hirap ng wala siya.

Sana alam niya iyon, sana alam niya rin kung gaano ko siya kamahal at handa rin akong gawin ang lahat para sa kanya. Hindi ko na siya kayang biguin pa, hinding hindi na. Dahil alam ko kaoag nagawa ko siyang biguin muli, sigurado akong mawawala na naman siya sa akin.

Ilang beses kong ginawa iyon, nakunan ko siya ng tatlong beses, ang isa roon ay nakatingin siya sa daan habang hawak pa rin ang kamay ko at ang dalawa naman ay nakatingin sa camera na may matatamis na ngiti.

“I am good in the picture?” Bilis akong tumango at hinawakan din nang mahigpit ang kamay niya.

I remembered again the lettersI used to write for her when she was gone and I was not with her. Also the ring.

“Love, I have letters from the times when we are not together and when we are apart…” The way she looked at me became sweeter. She nodded slowly.

“Can you give it to me and I can read it?”

“Also the ring…monthsary gift ko noong 6th monthsary natin.”

She looked at me for a long time, her eyes were full of love and she seemed like she wanted to cry when she found out that I had a gift for her.

She didn’t speak. I started to get nervous when she let go of my hand, she just put it on her thigh and took something from her pocket.

It’s a ring box

Nanatili pa rin akong nakatingin doon kahit na tumigil na ang kotse. Hindi ko maalisnang tingin doon dahil hindi ko alam na parehas pala kaming may regalo noon.

“But It’s not just a ring…It’s a engagement ring”

My eyes blinked even more, blinked because they were getting wet from what I saw her holding and what he said. It’s true that it wasn’t just that because it was a engagement ring when she opened it.

Muli niyang hinawakan ang kamay kong nasa hita niya. Mahigpit na hinawakan at muling nagtama ang mga paningin namin.

“We were still studying and I know you won’t agree to be my fianceé yet but I was able to buy it, I told myself I’ll wait until you can and you want it.” She smiled a little at me. “I also want to say during our monthsary that I have a gift, not an engagement ring…”

I bowed down and cried. I know I’m crying because I’m happy, I’m happy and I’m happy to know what happy plans she had for us even though we were together for a very short month. I can really see and hear from her that she is so sure of me, that she loves me so much.

“I’m sorry because I’m really eager to dedicate my life with you”

“W-Why are you saying sorry?” Tanong ko habang umiiyak pa rin, tinatakpan ko ang mga mata ko dahil sa sobrang lala ng luha ko.

“I’m sorry because I love you so much, I’m sorry because I want to be with you, I want you to be tied to me…I am really sorry…I’m sorry because I feel like everything I’m thinking is so wrong and it’s so out of line but I didn’t do it because apart from loving you I also respect you.”

Mas lalong lumakas ang hagulgol ko, napatakip na talaga ako sa mukha ko sa sobrang pag-iyak. Tanging hagulgol at iyak ko na lang ang naririnig sa loob ng sasakyan.

Nagagawa niyang humingin ng tawad sa mga bagay na kahit kailan hindi niya ginawa dahil nirerespeto niya ako, hindi niya ginawa dahil may respeto siya sa akin at sa relasyon namin.

Because she had so many thoughts with me, she still managed to stop them because she has respect, she has so many plans but because she loves me she is able to wait for me, she always waits for me.

I can’t really say or do anything about the love she gave me even then and until now she loves me even more and she is really ready for me.

Sobrang deserve ko ba talaga siya? Grabe yung pagmamahal niya pakiramdam ko lulutang na ako.

Umiiyak pa rin na inabot ko siya at niyakap. Mas lalo akong umiyak sa balikat niya na sobrang hinihigpitan ko ang hawak at yakap sa kanya. Naramdaman ko ang pagganti niya sa akin, sobrang higpit at sobrang pagmamahal na naman ang binuhos niya.

“I’m really sorry…please stop crying.” Ramdam ko ang pagsiksik niya sa aking leeg. “I love you…please I really really love you so much, sorry for loving you too much.”

Umiling ako nang paulit-ulit. Wala pa rin tigil ang pag-iyak ko.

“M-Mahal na mahal kita, M-Maxl…kahit sobrang talo ako sa pagmamahal mo, m-mahal na mahal na mahal pa rin kita….Handa na akong maging finaceé mo.”

Mas humigpit ang yakap niya sa akin.

“I promise I’ll take care of you no matter what happens, even in our lives with you and I won’t leave, I’ll just be here, Abby…you’ll never lose me and my love” Gumalaw siya at humalik sa aking buhok.

We stayed in that position, feeling each other’s embrace and love again. It is true that there is no time when we are not together and hugging each other. We’re really making up for the two years we didn’t get to see and feel each other.

Dahan-dahan akong lumayo sa kanya ngunit hindi namin inayos ang hawak namin sa isa’t-isa. At doon ko nakita na hindi lang pala ako ang umiiyak pati siya ay namumula ang mga mata at may tumutulong luha pa.

“Shh…” Masuyo kong pinunasan ang magkabilang mata niya. “I love you…don’t cry na my baby” Tumatango siya peri may luha pa rin sa mga mata niya.

Natawa ako kahit umiiyak din ako. “Hindi bagay sayo umiiyak ’no?” biro ko pa kaya napanguso na naman siya.

Mas niyakap niya ako nang sobrang higpit. Sumiksik sa akin lalo at hinahawakan ako.

“Inaasar mo na naman ako” Sabi niya habang nakahawak sa akin. “So?” Muli siyang nag-angat sa akin ng tingin. Ako naman ay tumango sa kanya.

“It’s a yes” She came to me and kissed me on the lips, reached for my hand and slowly put the engagement ring on my finger.

My eyes were wet again when I saw that it was completely worn on my finger but I knew better that Maxl was crying because her tears were dripping on my hand. I held her again and hugged her, I also gave her a kiss on her hair.

“Shh…Don’t cry baby…” Even when I say it, I cry happily because I see of the ring on my finger. She hugged me again very tightly, full of care and love. I can tell and feel the tightness of her hug on me, she is so happy and I know that she can feel that because of me. Natupad na rin ang isa sa mga pangarap niya noon na kailangan niya rin akong irespeto at iconsider.

“I promise…I will be a good fiancee to you, I will love you more than I loved you before” Tumango ako nang paulit-ulit sa kanyang buhok.

“We will be as good to each other as our dreams and promises” Buong pusong sambit ko sa kanya.

Alam ko namang maging mabuti kaming dalawa sa isa’t-isa, hindi namin magagawang biguin na namin ang isa’t-isa kagaya noon.

“Baby” tawag niya sa akin na sobrang lambing. Lumayo kami muli  sa isa’t-isa. Ginawaran na namn niya ako ng tatlong halik sa pisngi. “I want to see your parents tonight ’cause we’re engaged”

“Okay, sure, I’ll call them later, baby”

“Let’s go na po”

Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko habang naglalakad kaming dalawa. Patingin-tingin din niya sa akin na may kasamang matatamis na ngiti, nraramdaman ko rin ang paghaplos niya sa aking daliri kung nasaan ang engagement ring.

Halos mapunit na ang aking labi dahil wala talagang tigil ang ngiti ko habang papalapit kami sa shop.

“Wow, your shop is good, I love it” Sambit niya habang nakatingin sa shop ko. Kitang kita kung paano kuminang ang mga mata niya sa mga bulaklak na naroon. “Flowers”

“Hmm, Love it?” Tumango siya sabay halik sa pisngi ko. “Thank you so much”

“Let’s go”

Pumasok kami sa loob at mas lalo siyang namangha roon, sa totoo lang kung gaano kaganda ang mansion nila noon ay ganon din ang binigay ko sa flower shop, nilagyan ko lang ibang design, gusto ko kasi aesthetic.

Natawa na lang ako sa isip ko. Kailangang pleasing aesthetically ang flower shop ko para mas maraming maakit at isa na siya roon.

Lumayo siya sa akin at nilibot pa ang paningin niya sa loob. Ako naman ay inayos ko na ang counter dahil anong oras na rin at baka may customers na. Pinapanood ko pang din si Maxl na inaayos ang ilang bulaklak, inaamoy niya pa iyon, hindi rin maalis ang ngiti sa kanyang mga labi.

“Let me help you, love” Hindi na muna kami nahdikit dahil nag-ayos na muna kami for opening, naglinis at inasikaso ang ibang flowers, may ipapadala pa sa akin na bago.

Nang sumapit ang 10 am ay may mga bumibili na. Ang iba ay tumitingin ng bulaklak dahil may nasa labas pa. Si Maxl ay lumabas, siya rin ang nag-assisst sa iba.

Habang ako ay nasa counter, inaassisst ko rin ang ibang customer about sa mga marerecommend kong flowers at bagong pasok sa tinda ko.

When there are no customers coming in because Maxl is still talking to them, I just look at them, I just look at Maxl in the way she talks to them usually because the customers are women and rarely men. I don’t have a problem, I’m even happy because her communication skills have improved and her approachability with other people.

I’m just looking at her and not who she’s talking to, I’m really at peace when I look at her or look at her from a distance. And I can’t believe now ’cause already my fianceé.

That was the first thing we accomplished with each other and I know that it will all be followed, we can’t stop or stop again because we will make sure that we can do everything we promised and dreamed to each other.

I let out a big smile again when we both looked at each other. The customers she talked to came in carrying their chosen flowers at inasikaso ko na rin sila.

We rested at noon and when the afternoon came we were together again. I couldn’t go to the company anymore because I was too tired, there were too many customers and work.

“Baby” Maxl came to me, grabbed my head and placed it on her shoulder. “You’re tired, rest with me first.” Muli na naman akong nangiti, pagod ako pero ang lakas talaga niya sa akin, pumikit ako at tuluyang yumakap sa kanya. Niyakap niya pabalik at hinalikan muli sa noon. “Let’s go home and take a rest, tomo—”

“It’s fine, baby, punta na tayo sa bahay.” Sambit ko habang umiiling sa kanyang leeg. “It’s oka–”

“Aba, baby time ’yan!” Napalingon kami agad sa sumigaw. Ganon na lang ang gulat ko nang makita ko ang mga pinsan ko lalo na sila Mom at Dad, nanlalaki ang mga matang nakatingin sa amin ni Maxl. “Ay hala! Si Maxl!” tinuro pa ni Joshua si Maxl na gulat na gulat. “Ang babygirl ni Abby”

“S-Sir” Agad na bumitaw sa akin si Maxl. Ramdam ko ang kaba sa boses niya. “U-Uh…”

“Parang ibang tao naman ako niyan, nak” si Daddy habang umiiling. “Bakit mo ko tinatawag na sir?”

Hindi nagsalita si Maxl bahagya siyang nagbaba ng tingin ngunit nang hawakan ko ang kamay niya ay napatingin siya sa akin.

“I am waiting for you to comeback, hija and I am happy you did”

A/N:

Hi, If may nagbabasa nitong story from the series #1 please,

binago

ko na po ang story nila Abby at Maxl, engaged po sila for 3 years (dito sa series na ’to) and hindi po after 3 years (dahil iyon ang nasa series #1) I decided na

baguhin

na. Thank you so much!

Chapter 32

“Kailan ka pa nakabalik, Maxl?” Si Mommy na siyang nilingon ko at nagkatinginan kaming dalawa, maliit siyang ngumiti sa akin bago muling tinignan si Maxl.

“Kagabi po…” Magalang at maingat na sambit ni Maxl. “I have a plan to visit you tonight…I also want to say that–” I immediately cut off what Maxl was going to say, I stopped her so that I could say what she should say to my parents.

“Mom, Dad, we’re engaged”

Kitang-kita ko kung paano nanlaki ang mga mata ng mga pinsan ko, si Joshua ay pinagdikit pa ang dalawang kamay niya at tumututok sa itaas na parang akala mo ay nanalo talaga siya. Ang mga pinsan ko namang babae ay nagsitilian, nagpapaluan habang si Cris naman ay nagflying kiss pa sa akin.

Kita ko rin ang sobrang kasiyahan ng mga mata ni Daddy samantalang si Mommy naman ay napailing pero bakas ang mga ngiti at saya sakanyang mga labi. Alam kong mas natutuwa siya kaysa kay Daddy dahil engaged na ako.

“Talaga! Magkaka apo na siguro ako!” Umawang ang bibig ko mas nabahala ako dahil kita kong nagbago ang itsura ng mga pinsan ko.

“Hala Totoo ba ’yan?! Buntis ka na Abbyngot!?” sigaw ni Valerie. “Ano?!”

“Hala, sabi ni Maxl kakabalik lang niya kagabi, mga baliw hindi pa ’yan buntis!” si Maya. “Pero sige gawa na—”

“Stop!” pinigilan ko silang lahat. Totoo naman kadarating lang ni Maxl kagabi at wala pa sa plano namin ang magka-baby dahil may usapan kaming dalawa roon. Alam ko rin naman nasusundin niya ang mga pangako at mga sinabi niya sa akin na maghihintay kaming dalawa hangga’t sa maging maayos at mabuti na ang lahat bago kami gumawa ng sarili naming pamilya.

Maxl let go of me and I watched her approach my parents, she took their hands and put them to her forehead one by one. She also kissed Mommy while she didn’t let go of Daddy’s hands. They both looked at each other, their eyes were talking and I could see that they were both eager to see each other. I know Maxl loves me but I can also see that she loves my parents more and respect them the way she respect me.

Wala, panalo na talaga ako.

“Pwede ko po ba kayong makausap?” she politely asked my parents. “And let’s have dinner outside, I’ll treat you po”

“Naku, sure sure” Hindi siya binitawan ni Daddy. “Nak, kami mun ha, mamaya ka na, namiss ko itong baby mo”

“Dad!” napanguso ako dahil inaasar na naman niya ako. “Inaasar mo na naman ako”

Tumawa siya. Nilingon pa ako ni Maxl bago sila lumabas ni Daddy habang nag-uusap samantalang naiwanan naman ako kasama sina Mommy at mga pinsan ko.

“Mom…” yumakap ako kay Mommy, sumiksik ako sa kanyang leeg dahil mas matangkad pa rin talaga siya sa akin. “I’m engaged na po…” I felt her hug me back, she also caressed my hair and I felt her kissing my hair.

“I’m happy for you, Anak” She continued caressing my hair. “I hope this is the right time for both of you”

I nodded while still hugging her.

“No matter what decision it is, Anak, your Daddy and I will always support you”

“Thank you so much, Mommy” Lumayo ako at hinalikan si Mommy sa pisngi niya. “Pero huwag ninyo muna akong hingian ng apo, please” kaagad naman siyang natawa sa aking sinabi, nilingon ko ang mga pinsan ko na parang hindi sumasang-ayon sa aking sinabi. “Wala pa sa plano namin iyon at may usapan kami na 27 pa kami magpapakasal.”

“Aba 3 years pa magpapahintay si bakla” si Maya. Tumawa si Agustina, lumapit siya sa akin at ginulo ang buhok ko. “Ayan, baby mo talaga ’yan, Agu”

“Kambal ko talaga ’to” natatawang sambit ni Agu sa kanya. “Support ako dito hanggang sa magka-baby sila ng baby niya”

“Huwag ninyo akong ipressure, hindi ako pressure cooker”

“Aba baka ikaw pa magkaroon ng maraming anak!” si Joshua. “Basta ako ang mga ninong ng mga ’yan ha? Ako lang!”

“Dalawang anak or isa lang, ayos na sa akin”

“Ay mukhang hindi isang anak ang gusto ni Maxl.” si Valerie kaya napailing na lang ako at natawa sa lokohan nila.

Tinupad nga ni Maxl ang pinangako niyang dinner sa amin at sa mga magulang ko. Halos hindi ko siya nakausap at nakatabi dahil nasa mga magulang ko ang atensyon niya ngayon, kinakausap sila at halos hindi ko na nga marinig kung anong pinag-uusapan nila dahil ang ingay ng mga pinsan ko.

“Eh ikaw, Nasaan si Hailey? Si Vlad?” tanong ko kay Maya dahil game na game na naman siya sa mga ganitong bagay, hindi niya kasama ang asawa niya at anak nilang si Hailey,

“Nasa bahay, sabi ko makikichismis naman ako sa buhay mo” She came to me and kissed my cheek. “At mabuti na lang talaga chismosa ako, nakabalik na pala si Maxl at engaged na kayo, marupok ka talaga”

“Mga babae talaga mga marurupok” si Cris pero agad siyang binatukan ni Joshua. “ANO BA?!” sigaw niya.

“Gago ka, Cris, kapag talaga nadamay na naman tayong mga lalaki dahil sa’yo ha”

“Si Maxl na ’yan, crush na crush ni Abby noon pa” si Agu na tinataasan pa ako ng kilay habang nakangiti. “Tsaka, deserve nila ’yan after everything na nangyari noon.”

“Matagal na niya akong gustong bigyan ng engagement ring…” nagbaba ako ng tingin sa aking singsing at hinaplos iyon. “Noong anim na buwan palang kami, gusto na niya kaso nag-aaral palang kami noon at ayaw niyang mapressure ako…”

“Iba rin ang aura nitong si Ramirez eh, down bad na down bad sa’yo” si Cris habang tumatawa pa. “Magiging Ramirez ka na rin, mas maangas ka na siguro”

“Siraulo” natatawang sabi ko. “Ang saya ko lang kasi natupad niya iyon kaagad kahit kakabalik lang niya.” Nakatingin at nakikinig lang ang mga pinsan ko sa akin. Kitang kita ko kung paano nila ako tinitignan sa sobrang masuyo at masaya parang gusto ko na namang maiyak dahil sa kung paano nila ako tinitignan ay ganon din ang binibigay sa akin ni Maxl ngunit mas puno iyon ng pagmamahal.

“I also want to make it up to her because the respect and love she gave me even before, I know I have more to give her compared to what she gives me”

Maybe Maxl just knows that I’m crying because I’m so happy now that I’m with her again, I don’t know but because I’m so happy I really want to cry sometimes, maybe that’s how I feel when I feel more than my life and the overwhelm of feeling like this, this is the only overwhelm I want to receive in my life.

I will always feel this because I am with her again, I feel even more that we will be able to overcome now what we did not experience before because it was so hard and we had so many iconsiders. But now maybe we can handle a lot and we don’t have to let each other go.

“Baby…” tawag ko sa kanya bago ko siya hawakan. Lasing na siya at bahagyang hindi na rin makalakad nang maayos. Talagang nilasing siya ni Daddy pero mas lasing si Daddy ngayon na hawak-hawak ni Mommy at Joshua.

“Oh, wifey…” She was balancing when she met me, she was blushing and her eyes were closing. “I’m sorry, I got drunk, Daddy got me drunk…” Hinawakan ko ang mukha niya upang ilihis ang kanyang buhok na tumatakip sa mukha niya. Namumungay na naman ang mga mata niyang nakatingin sa akin, kahit napapapikit na ay kita ko pa rin ang pagkahhumaling niya. “Ang ganda mo…”

“Baby, let’s go home…you’re really drunk” I said softly to her, caressing her face. I turned to Mommy and my cousins.

“Mommy! I love you, ingat po kayo!” kumakaway ako sa kanya. “Si Daddy huwag ninyo pong ratratin”

“Babye baby ko!” si Agustina na kumakaway. “Sana masaya ka sa buhay mo!”

“Huy ’yung inaanak ko ha!” si Joshua na kumakaway din. “Gusto ko lalaki!”

“Baliw!” ganting sigaw ko. “Ingat mga baby ko!”

I turned to Maxl when they left but when I looked at her, she was already looking, as if she had been watching me for a while, her grins also flashed when our eyes met.

“I’m happy you’re happy…” she slowly hugged my waist, burying her face in my neck. “I’ve been waiting for a long time to see you happy again except for me” ngumisi ako at ginatihan siya ng yakap. “Please be happy always, gusto kong makita kang masaya lagi…”

“Masaya ako dahil nandito ka na ulit.”

“Even if you’re not with me”

Humigpit ang yakap niya sa akin, alam ko naman kung anong ibig niyang sabihin, walang masama sa sinabi niya o kahit ano dahil alam ko namang marami siyang gusto kong iconsider at maramdaman, kasama ko siya o hindi.

She didn’t speak again while I was rubbing her back, feeling her in my hugs. We were in that situation for a few minutes when she gradually moved away from me.

“I’m drunk, really, let’s go home” She never forgot to kiss me on my lips and cheeks. “Sorry”

“Don’t be sorry, Daddy really missed you” she nodded while smiling.

“I missed Daddy too”

Tinulungan ko siyang makapasok sa passenger’s seat. Ako naman ay dumireto na rin sa Driver’s seat pagkatapos ko siyang matulungan. Habang nasa byahe naman ay nakahilig lang siya sa bintana, nakapikit at mukhang nakatulog na rin talaga.

Napangiti na lang ako habang nagmamaneho at pinagmamasdan ang kalsadang wala na masyadong kotse at tao dahil na rin siguro ay late na, matagal din kasi ang naging bonding nila ni Daddy.

Maxl’s presence is still here even though she is asleep, I reached for her hand resting on her thigh while one of my hands was on the steering wheel. I was caressing it and I didn’t forget to kiss it.

I can’t get rid of the smiles on my lips while driving, I’m happy, this is how I said I’m happy and only my heart can do it when she’s there.

When we got to the penthouse, I woke up Maxl, she also woke up immediately and looked at me, a smile appeared on her lips again even though her eyes were still sleepy.

“Hi, wifey…Are we home yet?” I immediately nodded to her. “Oh, so let’s go so we can rest”

I went out first because I was going to be ahead of her even though she was really drunk, she was going to put me ahead of herself who could barely walk straight.

“Let me help you” Inakbay ko ang kanyang braso sa akin. “Hindi ka na makalakad oh”

“I love you” she said softly and kiss my forehead. “Let’s sleep baby”

Dinala ko na siya agad sa kwarto dahil ayaw niya naman sa sofa at hindi raw kami kasya roon, hindi niya raw ako makakatabi at mayayakap nang maayos.

“Baby, I smell bad?” She was already lying down when she pulled me down on her. “Baby, I’m too lazy to change my clothes, is that okay with you?”

“No, ako na ang magpapalit sa’yo”

She didn’t speak but her eyes stayed on me, I didn’t speak first either and stared at her.

“Did I say something wrong?” I asked curiously. I got up slightly to caress her face. But she shook her head, reaching out for my hand to hold her.

“You said nothing wrong.” She kissed my palm. “I want this…I hope you always take care of me”

“Of course, wifey” Buong pusong sabi ko. “Kahit hindi mo ’yan sabihin, aalagaan kita.”

Kahit pumikit siya ay naroon pa rin ang matamis niyang ngiti.

“Ako na ang magpapalit ng damit mo, kukuha muna ako” Tumango siya at tumayo na ako upang kumuha ng damit niya. Kumuha na lang ako ukit n boxer at oversized t-shirt bago muling bumalik sa kanya sa kama.

Tinulungan ko siyang bumangon upang sumandal sa headboard. Hinubad ko ang polo niya, pinunasan ko rin muna siya bago ko sinuot ang t-shirt at pagkatapos naman ay hinubad ko ang trouser niya at boxer.

Ayos lang sa akin ito lahat, normal lang naman itong ginagawa kong pag-aalaga sa kanya, nakita ko naman na ang lahat sa kanya noon pa at ngayong magkasama na naman kami ulit. Fianceé ko na nga.

“Thank you, baby” Malambing sabi niya matapos kong maisuot sa kanya ang boxer. “Next time, mahahawakan mo na si Junior”

“Crazy” natatawang sambit ko. “Nalasing ka lang ganyan na sinasabi mo.”

Kita ko kung paano siya tumawa. Muli akong bumangon sa kama upang ako naman ang kumuha ng damit ko.

“Come here” Nilingon ko, bumalik ako dahil tinawag niya ako at dala na ang mga damit ko.

“Go to sleep, baby” I touched her hair. “Take care of me tomorrow, get some rest”

But she just shook her head at me, she took the clothes I was holding and then she grabbed my clothes and slowly took them off me.

She looked at me fondly before grabbing the lock of my bra from behind and removing it from me. She put the tshirt on me and then she gave me a kiss on my lips. “Ganda”

Sunod ay gumalaw ang kamay niya papunta sa aking palda. “Baby, palit na”

Tinulungan ko siyang alisin ang palda ko at maisuot sa akin ang short na hawak niya.

I looked at her when she stood up with our clothes, she put them in the basket near the bathroom, she was still walking like that, still not straight so I couldn’t help but laugh.

Halatang hindi siya sanay na lasing siya.

Bumalik siya sa akin at niyakap ako. Binagsak niya talaga ang sarili sa akin at sumiksik pa lalo.

“Tulog na tayo, asawa ko” sabay halik ko sa kanyang noo.

“Goodnight, wifeey, I love you and thank you…”

“I love you so much”

“Baby…” Maxl called me while I was putting on makeup. I looked at her smiling. “What’s your schedule today?”

“Photoshoot po baby ko” sagot ko. “What about you? Sa studio ka ba ulit?”

Tumango siya. “I am your photographer if you have schedule today.”

“Oh really!?”

“Yes, baby” Lumapit siya sa akin, hinalikan ang balikat ko. “I miss capturing you”

“Me too, miss ko na ’yung ako model mo.” Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin, labi ko naman ang ginawaran niya ng halik. “Adik ka na talaga sa akin.”

“Always” Muli niya akong hinalikan. “I love you”

“I love you so much”

Nakarating kami sa studio nang marami na staff, naroon na rin si Andy na mukhang maayos ang mood.

“Ang ganda ng mood mo, ano na?” Tanong ko sa kanya nang makalapit ako. Lumapit na si Maxl kay sir Montero at sa ilang staff. “Ano, may nakita ka na namang pogi?” Agad na nagliwanag ang mga mata niya, lumapad ang mga ngiti kaya mas natawa ako. “Sino na naman?”

“Wala, si Dale, nakita ko kanina sa ground. Tapos na amg photoshoot niya sa H&M”

“Type mo ba si Dale?” tanong ko.

“Gwapo lang siya pero hindi ko type.”

I couldn’t help but be quiet while watching her, I’m just her friend and I still can’t insist on who I want for her because I know she was hurt a lot by that person, she was hurt by that person’s family. So who am I to stop her from being happy with others?

Beside, I don’t blame Aki and I don’t blame Andy either. She deserve to be happy…I hope Aki also at peace or good situation now.

Hindi ko pa pala natatanong si Aki kay Maxl, naging mabuti rin namang kaibigan sa akin si Aki lalo na noong nangyari ang hindi inaasahan sa amin, hindi niya ako pinabayaan, hindi siya nagkulang na protektahan ako.

“Natahimik ka, ano?” Tanong niya sa akin kaya napailing na lang ako. “Ano? Akala mo ba hindi ko alam, engaged ka na!”

“Ito talaga!” humawak ako sa kanya. “Masaya ako sobra.”

“Halata ka, bading ka talaga” Mas malakas ang naging tawanan naming dalawa. “Ano kailan ang kasal?”

“Matagal pa, tatlong taon.”

“Malapit na ’yan bading ka! Alam mo ba hindi pa ’yan alam ni Rico, mamaya magtampo ang tata—”

“Ano? Tatay na siya!?” sigaw sa kanya.

“Oo! Buntis na si Ida!” sigaw niya rin sa akin. “Kita ko sa Ig story ni Ida, si Rico lang naman asawa no’n”

“Baliw ka talaga, Andy” muli kaming nagtawanan. “Tatay na pala ang gurang na ’yun.”

“Oo, naunahan ka pa, akala ko nga ayaw ng anak no’n”

“Aba, parang gusto mo sunod-sunod tayo ah” Muli siyang tumawa sa akin. “Puntahan natin si Rico sa sabado at sa linggo punta tayo kay baby Aco.”

“Sure sure, miss ko na ang baby boy ko”

Kinurot ko ang pisngi niya. “Oo nga pala, nakapag-usap na ba kayo ni Maxl?”

Umiling siya. “Sabihin mo sa asawa mo, huwag muna, asawa time muna”

“Siraulo”

Binalot na naman kami ng tawanan. Ang lakas ng tama niya ngayong umaga, ang aga aga naman niya masyado makipagbardugalan sa akin.

When 10 am came I started, Maxl actually became my photographer while she was doing that and while posing I could see she was attracted to me, staring at me and my photo.

I just shook my head because she was still biting her lip, when our eyes met she let out a seductive smile. Bahagya akong umiling sa kanya, kung aakitin niya ako ay huwag dito.

Ang huling pose ko ay nilapitan niya ako, nakatingin lang sa amin sina sir Montero, nakangiti habang piangmamasdan ako.

“Ikaw, umayos ka, huwag mo kong akitin” She fixed my hair, but my hair almost stood on end when she seductively ran her finger down my neck. I swallowed and held on to it.

“S-Stop, baby”

“Let’s make love later”

“Ano ba!” mahinang saway ko. Bumaba ang daliri niya sa hita ko dahil inaayos niya naman ang palda ko. “Sisipain kita, sige”

“I’m not kidding, wifey”

Nahigit ko lang ang hininga ko nang umayos siya ng tayo, hindi niya ako hawak at tinitignan na ang ang itsura ko.

Naroon na naman ang mapang-akit niyang ngisi at tingin.

“Stop, hindi ka talaga makakaisa sa akin.” tinaliman ko ang tingin ko sa kanya.

“I’ll stop, naaakit ako sa’yo, I love you”

Bumalik siya muli sa pwesto niya habang ako ay pilit pa rin inaayos ang aking sarili, sobrang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko at init na init na ko kahit nakatutok ang aircon sa pwesto ko.

Kasalanan ni Maxl ngayon pa talaga niya ako nagawang akitin kung kailan nagtatrabaho kaming dalawa.

I rolled my eyes at her before we started again. I did my signature pose that I have been giving for almost six months every time I have a photoshoot, because that’s what I liked and my ate Amanda taught me.

I grabbed the highchair, I slightly bend down and put my raised body on the highchair, I put my finger on my lips and did a piercing look.

I almost laughed to myself because I saw Maxl stop what I did, she stopped just a little bit before taking a picture of me again.

When I finished I winked at her, I saw the movement of her jaw towards me.

I went back to Andy with her make up done. Siya na ang susunod sa akin.

“Palong palo ka naman” sabi ni Andy habang nakatingin sa salamin. “Ang ganda ko”

“Oo, ganda mo”

“Mwa” nagflying kiss siya sa akin habang pumunta sa gitna at backdrop. Muli akong sinilayan ni Maxl bago niya tinuon ang tingin at atensyon kay Andy.

Matagal ang naging photoshoot ni Andy dahil malibansa make up at H&M model din ang session niya. Sa tagal na iyon ay kitang kita ko ang pagiging atat ni Maxl, nililingon niya ako at kung minsan ay titig na titig pa.

Napapailing na lang ako. Halata naman ang isang ito. Hindi yata mabuhay ngayong araw na hindi ako nasisilayan.

“Baby” she called when she got close to me. I raised an eyebrow at her. “Ang ganda mo”

“I know that, stop” Umiling ako sa kanya. Akala niya talaga makukuha niya ako agad, aasarin ko muna siya.

“Baby, 1hr break binigay ni sir Montero”

“Oh tapos?”

Ngumuso siya. “Baby time” sumilay ang ngisi sa kanyang labi. Mas lalo siyang lumapit sa akin at bumulong. “I don’t have condom but I don’t worry…”

“Akala ko ba lagi kang handa?” nang-aasar na tanong ko. “Wala kang condom, no make love”

“But baby…” muli na naman siyang ngumuso. “I’ll buy condom, please?”

“Kidding, nasaan muna si Andy?” Hindi ko na kasi mahagilap si Andy.

“She’s with Dale…” She brought her lips closer to my ear. I could feel her breath and seductive voice.

“Baby” she called again. “I’m sorry because I turned on you now”

“Masyado ka sigurong naakit sa akin kanina.”

“Yes, baby”

“Quickie?” tanong ko nang hilahin na niya ako papasok sa dressing room.

“Quickie? We have 1hr break, baby”

She quickly kissed my lips, her lower body was so close to me that I felt her. Kumapit ako sa kanyang leeg, sumasabay ako sa mapusok ngunit naroon pa ang pagiging masuyong halik, inaalalayan akong at hinahaplos.

She leaned against the closet, held my back, and we both kissed, and we really felt that we were both eager for each other. I brought her face closer to me while she moved her body closer to me, I could feel her on my stomach.

“Hmm” My hand went down to her shoulder as she kissed my neck, I could feel her hot breath and the hot and passionate kiss.

I moaned again when she sucked my skin, I felt her tongue licking at the same time as her hand entered my skirt. Napapikit ako sa nararamdaman kong sensasyon sa ibabang parte ko, pinaglalaruan nya ako gamit ang hinlalaki niya.

“Ah..” Her kisses returned to my lips making it difficult for me to moan, it became passionate and forced me to moan against her lips. “Hmm…” Napaliyad ang katawan ko nang ipasok ka niya ang daliri niya ng tuluyan sa undies ko. Humalik siya sa aking pisngi habang patuloy pa rin ang paggalaw niya sa akin. Her thumb continued to rub my clit, she pressed it even more so I was even more surprised, my body was shaking because of what she was doing. Talagang sensitive ako.

“A-Ah” I buried my face in her shoulder while clinging to her shoulder, I was still shaking and I could hardly open my eyes because of the sensation I was feeling and it was a pleasure. “L-Love”

“I love you” she whispered lovingly. “I really missed you”

I was just surprised when she suddenly picked me up, grabbed my butt, brought me to a table and slowly put me down. Nilayo ko ang mukha ko sa kanyang balikat, nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya, masuyo niya akong tinitignan.

“Fingers or my junior?” Kaagad ko siyang tinignan ng masama, ngayon pa talaga siya magtatanong nang ganito sa akin. Kita ko ang pagtawa niya. “So, what?” habang nakangiti pa rin.

I looked down at the middle of her pants, she had a boner, it was so big that I couldn’t help but swallow. Junior is definitely bigger now compared to before. He watches me silently, her smile and her eagerness for me to touch her are still there.

“It’s okay, baby” Kinuha niya ang dalawang kamay ko, unti-unting nilapit niya sa kanya. I felt even more elevated when I held it, I held it again in two and a half years. I looked up at her again, she was looking at my hand holding her before looking at me again, brought her face closer to mine and kissed me on the lips again. “Baby, I hear them outside, let’s make it fast…”

Dahan-dahan akong tumango. Bahagya akong bumangon sa table upang tanggalin ang sinturon sa kanyang pantalon at hubarin ang lahat ng tumatakip sa ibabang parte niya. Muli kong nasilayan iyon nang buo, tumitig pa ako bago ko hinubad ang sa akin, pinapanood niya akong ginagawa iyon pero mas lamang na nakatitig sa akin sa mukha ko habang ginagawa ko iyon iyon.

“Where’s your condom?” Tanong ko. She took the condom out of her pants pocket, showing it to me before opening it and putting it on. She came closer to me again and she separated my legs so that she could go between me. I looked at her nervously.

“It’s okay, I understand, just tell me if it hurts” She kissed my cheek. “I love you, Abby” her lips came to mine again.

I closed my eyes very tightly and tightly to her when I felt her head gently sticking and entering me. I also find it hard to moan because her lips are still on mine.

“hmm”

“Abby! Nandyan ka ba?!” Parehas kaming nagulat ni Maxl nang may sumigaw mula sa labas. Si Ate Amanda na ang naririnig ko. “Hello?”

Kaagad akong lumingon kay Maxl ngunit mas nararamdaman ko ang tuluyan niyang pagpasok sa akin. 

“Shh” “A-Ah” napatakip ako sa aking bibig nang bahagya niyang bilisan ang paggalaw sa akin. “L-Love”

“I hate quickie.” Siniksik niya ang mukha sa aking pisngi. “Hold your voice, love”

She continued thrusting  me, she touched my hair and one of her hands wrapped around my waist and still continue to thrust.

“Ahh”

Nakarinig pa ako ng dalawang katok at boses ni Ate Amanda.

“Saan na naman ba ’yun dinala ni Maxl” sabi niya. “Malilintakan talaga ’yun sa akin.”

Her body moved away from me and her hands went down to my thighs to hold them while she continued to move me.

She moved faster when we heard that Ate Amanda was walking away, she sped up on me causing me to hear the collision of our bodies and our skins.

The pain I was feeling earlier is now replaced by pleasure, it becomes even more delicious because of the way she thrusts into me. She pressed her grip on my thighs more and I could feel her inside me.

“A-Ah..l-love” I reached for her neck to bring it to my face again. “F-Faster” I said even though my jaw and legs were shaking.

She didn’t speak, she buried her face in my neck and she hardly thrusts me to make me look up while my mouth was open, I covered my mouth. “A-Ah! fuck” hindi ko na mapigilang mapasigaw at mapaungol ng malakas.

She touched my neck and hair before thrusting herself into me again, passionate, very fast and eager with every push she gave, talagang binabaon niya pagkatapos niyang bilisan ang pag-ulos sa akin.

“B-Baby! fuck…”

“Abby…” I heard her deep voice. “I missed this…I missed you”

My body twitched when ahe pierced my insides, I pressed my lips together because of the pleasure she was giving.

“Ahh…” Her deep voice added and growled in my ear.   She would keep moving, she would stop to focus on it and speed up again.  “Fuck”

“L-love” I pulled out her hair because I felt that I was close. “I-I’m close”

“Yeah…”

She movement sped up again causing me to cling to her tighter “Ah! shit”

“L-Love…” I called, I was shaking and I felt like I was being released. “I-I came…” but she continued thrusting into me, ignoring me and focusing on thrusting and making me shiver

Her hands came down to my thighs again to hold them, moved away from me and looked up while still moving.

“Ah…Fuck, so good”

“L-Love”

“Cumming…” Bumaba ang tingin niya sa akin. “I love you” Humalik siya sa akin labi, hindi niya iyon  binitawan hanggang sa naging mabagal ang  paggalaw niya. “Ah…”

“I love you, Maxl” I softly said, hugging her tight.

“I know, I love you more”

Chapter 33

Muli niya akong niyakap bago tuluyang lumayo at nilayo ang sarili niya sa akin. Napatingin ako, tinatanggal na niya ang condom.

“Baby, you have tissues?” Nilingon niya naman ako.

“Baby, wait” Sambit niya. Kita kong inalis na niya ang condom at binalot sa isang plastik bago tinapon sa trash bin sa dami ng bathroom. Nakahubad pa rin siya kaya nakikita ko pa rin na nakasaludo ang junior niya.

Inabot niya ang pack ng tissues sa cabinet. Kumuha siya at pinunasan ang sarili.

“Baby, let me clean myself first…” Dumapo ang tingin niya sa akin habang naglilinis siya. “Sorry, wait for me”

“It’s okay, don’t be sorry” Maliit siyang ngumiti sa akin. Nang matapos siya ay sinuot niya na rin ang boxer at pantalon niya. Agad na lumapit sa akin at pinunasan ako.

Pinapanood ko lang siyang ginagawa iyon at inaasikaso ako. Nakadalawang punas at tapon siya ng tissue para sa akin, kumuha na rin siya ng wipes at pinunas sa akin iyon.

While I was watching her, I couldn’t help but wonder what other care and attention she would do if we had a child, what other cares could she do than the ones I see how she takes care of me now.

I know that we will also end up in that position, that we will be parents, so now I am thinking about her being a mother/father to our future child and my being a wife to her.

I’m sure she will be a better parent and person. She is good to me now and I know she will be better when she has a child with me, we will have a child.

Napatigil lang ako sa pag-isiip sa mga magagandang bagay na makikita ko sa kanya nang mapansin kong nakatitig na lang siya sa akin.

Pinapanood na naman niya ako. She was watching me again as if she didn’t want to lose me from her eyes.

She helped me get off the table. She didn’t say a word and continued to wipe the table where I was sitting earlier. Pagkatapos ay muli niya akong nilingon, hinawakan ang pisngi ko.

“What are you thinking, wifey?” Masuyong tanong niya.

I didn’t answer at first, I slowly wrapped my arms around her back and fell on her neck. I felt her hugging me, her hands and arms that I always wanted to feel.

“I wonder what other things you can do when we have a child…” I said softly. “You are very attentive to me, you take care of me so much that I can’t help but see that you are doing to our future child what you are doing to me.”

Bumaon din ang mukha niya sa aking pisngi. Ginagawaran ako ng maliliit na halik.

“I’m happy that you see me and think about what else I can do when we finally have a family…” She hugged me tighter. “I can’t explain how much I love you and how much I’m sure of you, Abby…I love you so much to the point that I want to give you my life because I know you won’t leave me…and you won’t, I’m ready to dedicate my life to you and our future family.”

“You are the one who gave me something that I will always be grateful for.”

Mas sumiksik ako sa kanya at niyakap siya nang sobrang higpit.

She really loves me. She loves me more than herself and her life.

“I will love you more than anything you can give and prove to me.” I said sweetly and lovingly. “I will never let you down. I will always love you.”

“Let’s love each other, I know that’s what we’ve always wanted to do.”

“Thank you for loving me…”

“Thank you for letting me love you”

We stayed in each other’s arms, caressing each other’s backs and continuing to feel ourselves in the hugs. My life is really comfortable and at peace when I’m with her, it’s so light and I can’t help but feel that.

She has always been here, she has always been with me and she will never be gone. I won’t let it.

Humalik siya nang sobrang tagal sa aking buhok.

“I love you…let’s go?”

“I love you so much…tara na po” Humalik ako sa labi niya at sumilay naman ang ngiti sa kanya. “Ganda mo”

“Ganda-ganda mo, love” Ako naman ang natawa dahil muli na naman niyang pinanggigilan ang labi at pisngi ko. “My wifey is so maganda!”

“Sus”

Nakayakap pa rin siya sa aking gilid habang naglalakad kamj sa pintuan.

“Baby, let’s talk about Aki later, ayos lang po ba?”

Kita kong natigilan siya at napatingin sa akin. Napahawak siya sa kanyang buhok. Bumuntong hininga at umiwas ng tingin sa akin.

“Aki is coming ba—”

“Huh? When?” Hindi ko maiwasang putulin ang sasabihin niya. Siya naman ay nilingon ako.

“Baby, calm down, okay? I mean Aki is coming back to London tomorrow…”

Ano? Nandito na si Aki?

“Ano? Kailan pa siya rito? Akala ko noong naghiwalay sila ni Andy nasa London na siya?”

“Yes but she’s back…she’s always coming back here to visits Aco…”

Hindi ko talaga alam pero sobrang apektado pa rin ako sa sitwasyon o nangyari kay Andy at Aki lalo na sa anak nila, sa anak nilang hindi naman nila gustong mawala.

Maxl noticed my silence, she held me again.

“She never showed up to Andy because she knew she would hate her more…Aki only comes back here when she visits Aco…she saw you and Andy before when she visited Aco…”

“I am sorry…I know Aki is also hurting” Tumingala ako sa kanya. “Pero hindi ko rin masisi si Andy…”

“I know that…we know that and Aki know that too…I want to talk to Andy so that she knows that Aki’s mom and aunt are in jail…Aki’s current Daddy was heart attacked when he found out what her daughter did, Aki said that was not enough for everything that was done them to Andy and their son.”

Nanatili akong tahimik. Hindi ko pa rin alam kung anong oakiramdam ko. Hindi ako si Andy pero ano kaya ang magiging pakiramdam niya? kapag nalaman niya ang lahat ng ito?

“So…How’s Aki now? What about her sister?”

“Aki is always with her sister and her sister never hurt Andy”

I nodded at her, I smiled a little because I could see in her eyes that she was hurting for her friend, I, who is Andy’s friend, was hurt for her, what else do Maxl and I have when talking about Andy and Aki.

“I’m sorry” I said in a small voice. She shook her head and kissed my forehead.

“I know why you’re saying sorry but it’s not your fault…even Andy and Aki” Niyakap niya ako at gumanti ako ng yakap sa kanya. “You want to talk to Aki?”

Tumango ako sa balikat niya. “Okay, baby…siguro sa phone na lang, Her work was abroad, she still pursued architecture and also she’s doing business.” muli akong tumango at siniksik ang sarili ko sa balikat niya.

Lumabas din kami ni Maxl sobrang tagal naming magkayakap, gusto ko naman ganon kapag maghihiwalay na kami gusto ko munang mayakap siya kahit ilang minuto lang, yung matagal at mahigpit na yakap.

Paglabas ay naabutan ko pa si Andy na kapapasok lang, nasa likod niya si Dale na may dalang kape. Nagkatinginan kami, maliit siyang ngumiti, ganun din ang ginawa niya sa akin habang si Andy ay kinindatan lang ako sabay nguso kay Maxl.

Napailing na lang ako sa kinilos niya. Kinausap siya ni Dale at malayo sila kaya hindi ko sila marinig.

Natapos ang umaga naming lahat nang maayos naman ang naging trabaho at photoshoot. Kita ko rin ang pagod kay Maxl dahil siya ang photographer ng ilang model pa na dumating at ibang brand naman ang endorser naroon din si Ate Amanda na abala kasama si Mr. Montero, sila kasi ang nag-organize at tumutulong sa ibang kailangan.

When Andy came to me because her second session was over, I grabbed her immediately. She looked at me, smiling very wide. It still hurts when I see her so happy, because she’s so happy and gentle, why does she need to be hurt like that, she doesn’t deserve it, never really.

If I could only go back to the previous year, I would choose the smooth course of her life myself.

“Oh ano? Kayo ha, hinahanap daw kayo ni Ate kanina” Hinawakan niya ang balikat at tinapik-tapik “Ano ’yun? Seryoso ng mukha mo, ano buntis ka?”

Umawang ang bibig ko at sabay na paulit-ulit akong umiling. “Aba siguraduhin mo, ’wag muna, huwag mo ako—”

“Andy, stop” Pigil ko.

Alam ko talagang masakit pa rin pero siguro tama na ’yun. Alam kong hindi naman siya nagsising nagkaroon sila ng anak ng maaga ni Aki pero masakit pa talaga sa pandinig ko. Mas masakit pa yata sa akin kaysa akin.

She was quiet immediately, she let go of my shoulder but I didn’t let go of one of her hands that I was holding.

“What is that, Abby” she asked. Before I answered her, I looked at Maxl who was looking at us, she nodded at me and I looked back at Andy who also turned to Maxl before me.

“Can we talk? Sa terrace” I pointed to the terrace. She nodded at me.

Tahimik kaming lumabas ng terrace. Pinanood ko ang paglapit niya sa railing, tinanaw ang kabuon ang paligid at ang sunset, papalubog na ang araw at tamang-tama lang talaga na rito ko siya dinala at gustong makausap.

Kahit papaano kalmado ang kapaligiran at hangin.

Lumapit ako sa tabi niya at pinanood din ang sunset, tahimik na dinamdam ang simoy ng hangin na tumatama sa aming katawan.

“It’s about Aki?” Hindi ko siya nilingon pero nakaramdam ako ng kaunting kaba. “Is that the reason why Maxl wants to talk to me” I nodded even though I still didn’t look at her. “I don’t know if I can listen but I can’t stand not hearing anything from her…o kahit sa’yo, alam ko naman na hanggang ngayon nasasaktan ka pa rin para sa akin…hindi ka naaawa, nasasaktan ka kasi alam ko rin naman sa sarili kong hanggang ngayon masakit pa talaga.”

I know that…Andy is only diverting herself from Aki because of Aco, Aco is the reason why she no longer wants a connection or anything with Aki.

“I am sorry…” mahinang sambit ko, iniiwasan kong hindi panginigan ng boses dahil pakiramdam ko naiiyak na naman ako. “Sabi ni Maxl, nasa kulungan na ang ina at tita ni Aki…inatake rin sa puso ang papa niya…”

Hindi siya nagsalita kaya nilingon ko siya. Hindi siya nakatingin sa akin, nakatingin pa rin siya sa papalubog na araw at ang pagdamdam niya sa hangin na tumatama sa amin. Muli akong nagbaba ng tingin sa aking mga kamay na nakapatong sa railing.

“I don’t know if I’m happy or what, but at least what you said made me feel better…I also hope Aco can forgive them”

Hindi ko na mapigilang maiyak nang marinig ko iyon sa kanya, narinig kong sana mapatawad sila ng inaanak ko, sana mapatawad sila ni Aco na anak nilang dalawa ni Aki.

“Kasi ako hindi ko pa sila kayang patawarin” Naramdaman ko ang paghawak niya sa aking kamay na natutuluan ng luha. “Thank you, Abby, thank you for loving and taking care of me…thank you dahil alam ko naman tinutulungan mo ako hanggang ngayon na makabawi sa lahat ng nangyari noon”

I didn’t say anything, I held her again and locked her in my arms. I was stroking her hair while still crying.

“Even if you don’t say that, Andy, I will help you, love you and take care of you because you are important to me, to Ej and Rico, alam mo ’yan.” Mas humigpit ang yakap ko sa kanya habang siya naman ay umiiyak na rin na nakayakap sa akin. “I know…malakas ka, alam kong kaya mo, nandito kami hindi ka namin napababayaan.”

Nagtagal ang yakap namin sa is’t-isa bago kami bumitaw. Hinaplos ko pa ulit ang kanyang pisngi bago tuluyang binitawan.

“Kahit ano ang maging desisyon, nandito lang ako at kami na nakasuporta sa’yo, huwag mong kalilimutan.” Nagpupunas siya ng luha na tumango nang tumango sa akin. “Kahit ano pa ’yan pero ngayon dapat ay alam mong magiging maayos ka na ulit sa kahit anong desisyon mo ha?”

“Oo naman, baka ikamatay n’yo na ni Rico kapag mali na naman desisyon ko”

“Sira” hindi ko maiwasang matawa. “Pero oo, baka hindi ka na matansya ni Rico niyan kapag maling desisyon ka na naman” Natawana kaming muli, kilala kasi namin si Rico kapag may mga mali kaming desisyon kulang na lang pingutin niya ang mga tenga namin at tirisin kami.

“Sabihin mo sa asawa mo, ayos na ako, masaya naman ako kahit papaano sa nalaman ko pero ang tulong sa papa niya ay hindi ko rin inaasahan ’yun…” Napahaplos siya sa kanyang mukha. “Kahit naman sila ang dahilan ng pagkawala ng anak ko, alam kong hindi rin maganda ang maging masaya kapag namatayan.”

Maliit akong ngumiti sa kanya. Hindi ko alam paano nila nagawang saktan si Andy ng ganito, nagawa nilang saktan na walang ibang ginawa kundi mahalin at tanggapin sila noon kahit pa hindi maganda ang trato nila sa kaibigan ko pero naging mabuti pa rin siya.

Ang swerte ni Aki kay Andy pero kahit kailan hindi magiging maswerte si Andy sa pamilya ni Aki. Masyadong abusado at bayolente.

Masaya kong naikwento kay Maxl ang naging pag-uusap namin ni Andy kanina at kahit siya ay kahit papaano ay naging maginhawa na rin ang pakiramdam, si Aki rin naman ang tanging concern niya at kahit papaano ay may magandang balita naman siya kay Andy. Iyon nga lang ay alam kong malabo na talaga silang dalawa o hindi ko na kailangan pang ipilit.

Masaya naman na ako sa kung anong natatangap ni Andy habang kasama ko siya, masaya siya at nakikita ko iyon. Masaya siya at ayoko na mawala pa iyon sa kanya, hindi ko na siya kayang makitang nasasaktan pa.

When Saturday came we visited Aco and Maxl approached him quietly, Maxl stood next to Andy while she lit a candle I saw how she caressed Aco’s tombstone.

“Hello, Aco…I’m sorry I only came to visit you today” I heard from Maxl, Andy turned to her and smiled a little. Tumabi ako sa tabi ni Maxl at pinapanood pa rin siyang hinahaplos ang lapida ni Aco. “Don’t worry, I’ll visit you every saturday.”

“Baka magsawa sa’yo ang anak ko niyan” natawa ako sa sinabi ni Andy, siya naman ang humaplos sa lapida ng anak. “Baby, si Ninang Maxl mo, dadalawin ka na raw tuwing sabado”

“I will also bring food, what did you bring him? Cinnamon I heard from Abby” Andy nodded to her.

“Anything, I know that whatever you give to Aco, he will accept it” Andy smiled sweetly and looked back at Aco’s tombstone. “Hindi nga rin ako masyadong nahirapan noon sa mga cravings, tinatanggap niya kahit ano kainin ko”

“Bait naman ng baby boy” sambit ko at humaplos na rin sa lapida. “Hayaan mo, baby, dadalhan ka namin maraming gatas at pagkain.” Nagtawana kami at muling kinausap si Aco.

“Anong gatas, ibang gatas naman, gatas ng ibang bansa” Si Andy. Hinahaplos niya pa rin ang lapida ng anak niya. “Ibibili ko na lang siya galing sa France”

“Galante ’yan” asik ko sa kanya na siya namang kinatawa niya rin. Pinagtawanan niya ako kaya mas natawa na rin ako sa tawa niya. Si Maxl naman ay napapailing na lang sa amin pero halatang natatawa na rin siya.

Nang matapos namin ang tatlong oras na pakikipag-usap kay Aco at sa pagkukwentuhan namin. Napag-usapan din namin na dalawin na si Jerico at si Ida, natuwa pa si Maxl dahil nalaman niyang may anak na pala si Rico.

Nang mahinto kami sa tapat ng mansyon ni Rico dahil naroon na sila lumipat. Si Andy ang napindot ng bell. Naghintay pa kami ng ilang secundo dahil naririnig ko ang kalabog sa loob.

Lumapad na ang mga ngiti namin nang masilayan namin si Rico na magulo ang buhok. Mukha na namang kagigising lang niya at halatang puyat pa rin talaga.

“Hoy, tatay!” Nang-aasar na sigaw ni Andy sa kanya at kumakaway pa. “Bakit ganyan mukha mo? Sign na ba ’yan na tatay ka na talaga?”

Rico frowned at Andy, closing his eyes again before approaching us at the gate. But he hadn’t opened it yet when he turned around next to me, to Maxl. Ang papikit-pikit na mga mata niya ay nanlaki nang makita niya si Maxl.

“Maxl?” Gusto ko talagang matawa sa reaksyon niya. “Ikaw ba ’yan?!”

“Oo, ako ito” Ginaya ni Maxl ang pagtatagalog ni Maxl.

“Hala, bakit hindi ko ito alam?!” Tinuro niya kaming dalawa ni Andy. “Ewan ko sa inyo, lagi kayong ganyan tapos ngayon wala manlang kayong pasabi na dadalaw kayo rito”

Maxl calmed him down, they both hugged and talked some more. But Rico gave me a tempting look before we entered.

“Kasal na ’ya—”

“Ano!!!?” Sigaw na naman niya. He’s so OA talaga minsan pero minsan gusto ko na lang siya pagtawanan. “Ano ba naman ’tong buhay na ’to!”

“Kaya kami nagpunta rito ay para dalawin ka namin ni Ida at sabihin ko rin sa’yo na, engagemen—”

“Magkaiba ang kasal sa engaged ha!” Bulyaw niya kay Andy na tinawanan lang siya, nasa sofa na at humagalakpak ng tawa. “Baliw ka na talaga”

He turned to Maxl and me smiling, he hugged us both and rubbed our backs.

“I’m happy for both of you” When he moved away from us he was stroking our hair. “I was shocked but it’s okay because I know you deserve it”

“Sorry” si Maxl na siya namang kinailing ni Rico sa kanya. “Okay okay, chill”

“I’m ch–”

“Bakit ang ingay ng bibig mo, RICO?!” Natahimik kaming apat at napalingon sa hagdan. Naroon si Idana hawak ang kanyang tyan, nakasimangot at nakatingin sa amin lalo na kay Rico na ngayon naman ay natigilan at parang namumutla pa.

“Uh…Sorry, love” Iniwanan niya kami sa sala at lumapit siya sa hagdan. Hinintay niya makababa nang tuluyan si Ida. “Love, sorry…”

Hindi siya pinansin ni Ida dahil sa amin siya napatingin, ngumiti ako ng maliit sa kanya. Lumapit siya sa akin at bumeso.

“Hi, Abby” masuyong bati niya sa akin. “Hi?” sabay baling niya kay Maxl.

“Hello, I’m Maxl…” si Maxl at nakipagkamay at beso kay Ida.

“Oh, It’s you! Sorry, hindi kita agad nakilala. Hello! I’m Ida” Nilingon ko si Andy na sinisiko na si Rico habang nakatingin sa asawa niya. Ang sunod naman ay si Andy ang nilingon niya, niyakap niya ito at nakipagbeso na rin. “Laki mo, Andy”

“Ayan, ganyan kayo! Mukha ba akong bata?” Sabi niya habang nakasimangot. “Ayoko na talaga sa inyo!” bumalik siya sa sofa at binagsak ang katawan.

Nagtawanan kaming lahat dahil sa inasta niya. Halatang ayaw niya rin talagang nasasabihan na malaki na siya at hindi na siya bata.

Tumabi kami kay Andy sa sofa habang si Rico at Maxl naman ay naghanda ng almusal. Hinayaan na lang ako ni Maxl at hindi na ako hinahayaan pang tumulong sa kanila sa kusina.

“Kumusta ka naman, Ida? si baby?” Tanong ko habang nakangiti sa kanya. “Ilang buwan na ba si baby?” dagdag ko pa.

“2 months pa lang” Nakangiti siya habang hinahaplos ang kanyang tyan. Kitang kita ko pa rin ang matatamis at sobrang saya sa kanyang mukha. 

“What name if boy or girl?” si Andy naman ang nagtanong. “Sana hindi makuha ni baby ang ugali ni Rico, pagod na ’ko sa kanya”

“Hoy, naririnig kita!” sigaw ni Rico mula sa kusina. Muli na namang natawa si Andy kaya napahampas na ko sa kanya at pinatahimik na siya. 

“If girl, gusto kong name sa kanya ay Jerica” Tumango-tango kaming dalawa ni Andy. “And if boy naman ang gusto ni Rico ay isunod sa pangalan ko, I mean, for a boy, Ido”

I held her hand while smiling, I felt so happy and what I heard from her. She held me back.

“Ninang kami, ’no?”

Muli ko na namang narinig ang boses ni Rico sa kusina.

“Si Andy, hindi!”

“Aba, edi ’wag!”

Muli na namang napuno ang tawanan namin. Naririnig ko rin ang tawa ni Maxl at pakikipag-usap niya kay Rico.

Sana ganito na lang din ang nangyayari sa amin, sana masaya kami palagi at sana si Elijah, nasa maayos na ring kalagayan kagaya namin.

Chapter 34

Trigger Warning: Violence, Blood, and Gore‼️‼️‼️

2 months later…

Kitang-kita ko ang gulat sa mga mata ni Aki nang makita ako. Kahit ako ay hindi ko akalain na makikita ko siya, makikita ko siya mismo sa puntod ng anak nila ni Andy. Hindi ko kasama si Andy ng mga oras na iyon, mabuti na lang, mabuti na lang talaga dahil baka hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko kapag nag-iba na naman 

We both remained silent, I just watched her caressing Aco’s tombstone, I was standing by her side, I could also feel the cold and breeze on my body.

I know I’m also happy to see Aki, she’s Maxl’s friend, she’s been my friend too and above all if she wasn’t there then maybe I wouldn’t be there now either, because she was able to protect me, her and Maxl did that to Andy and me. Hanggang ngayon hindi namin iyon makakalimutan, hinding-hindi dahil kong parte pa rin iyon ng nakaraan at hanggang ngayon sa buhay namin.

I sat near her, I also touched Aco’s tombstone. She’s just looking at me, she’s not even looking at me so I’m the one who did it, I don’t know but somehow I can see in her the same change I see in Andy but since we’re here again in Aco I can still see you the pain and bitterness in her eyes. Masakit, laging masakit pa rin iyon.

“How are you?” Masuyong tanong ko. Gumalaw siya upang abutin muli si Aco at haplusin iyon. Pinanood ko siyang muli.

“I’m fine, maybe I’m getting better every day” Nilingon niya ako at nagtama ang mga mata naming dalawa. Maliit akong ngumiti. “Congrats to you and Maxl”

Inabot ko ang kanyang balikat at bahagyang tinapik. Tumango ako nang bahagya sa kanya.

“Thank you so much” Tumango siya sa akin ngunit may kasama na ring maliit na ngiti. “Kailan ka pa ulit nakabalik?” dagdag na tanong ko sa kanya.

“I don’t have any more work to do abroad so I’m going back to visit Aco” Muli niya akong nginitan. “Where’s your soon to be wife?” nanunuksong tanong niya kaya bahagya akong natawa. Binitawan ko na siya. “She’s not with you now, the world is healing”

“Isusumbong kita kay Maxl” natatawang sabi ko kaya natawa na rin siya. “Busy siya sa company, umuwi ng batangas”

Tumango-tango siya. “And about her…Do you also know that her problem with her brother’s father is still not over? Maxcil is still doing his best to survive and to heal, it’s happening and all I’m thinking about is Maxl, especially now that you’re with her again”

“Yes, nasabi na niya sa akin…napag-usapan na rin namin.”

“I am willing to help you two again, Abby…” She nodded at me with a smile on her face. “I’m also coming back here for Maxl, I’m worried about her and I can’t let her go again. I feel like we failed before so we’re going to do it right”

“Thank you but please, unahin mo pa rin ang sarili mo…hindi ko na rin kakayanin pang makita ko na naman kayo ni Maxl kung paano ko kayo nakita noon…”

Aki and I ended our conversation without mentioning Andy to me, even if I asked about my friend, she didn’t mention anything, she didn’t ask anything. Maybe it’s because until now she blames herself, but even during the long conversation between the two of us, I didn’t make her feel that she was guilty, I didn’t make her feel that I was angry and that I could no longer accept her as a friend and companion.

She was also the one who offered to take me to our company because I didn’t have a car or motorbike, I really just commuted. Decided to eat first, I called Maxl and said that Aki and I met, they also talked on the phone. Akala rin ni Maxl ay next month pa babalik si Aki dahil hinihintay din niya itong makabalik. Nagkukulitan kaming tatlo habang nasa byahe, breaktime naman ni Maxl kaya nagagawa niya iyon sa amin.

Bago matapos ang tawag ni Maxl sa akin ay napansin ko ang pananahimik ni Aki, mas naging matuon siya sa pagmamaneho at ramdam ko ring nagiging mabilis ang pagpapatakbo niya kaya napalingon ako sa kanya.

“Nagmamadali ka ba?” Tanong ko sa kanya. Hindi niya ako nilingon pero kita ko ang pagtango niya kaya mas naging mausisa ako. “Eh bakit ang bilis mo magpatakbo? Baka atakihin ako niyan”

Hindi na naman siya nagsalita dahilan para mapatingin ako sa likod ng kotse. Napapikit ako at napalunok. Kaya naman pala, kaya na naman pala ganito siya magmaneho. Lagi na lang kapag kami ang magkasama lagi kaming napupuruhan.

“Are you going to tell this to Maxl? She waited a few years too but not in this situation.”

Kapag sinabi ko, ano na naman ang mangyayari, ano na naman ang mangyayari sa aming tatlo at lalo na sa amin ni Maxl. Alam ko na itong sitwasyon ang kinatatakutan niya, ganito iyon kaya mas pinipili niyang huwag kaming magsama minsan.

Pero ito na naman. HIndi ko siya kasama pero nahanap pa rin nila ako. They found and followed us again in a way that we no longer know and how. They were too fast compared to before.

“I have gun…” I looked at her again. “I know you don’t want it anymore but here we are again”

“Are we going to be okay?” Mahina kong tanong. “It’s them, right? Then how about Maxl right now?”

“Just call her” Kaagad kong tinawagan si Maxl. Nakailang tunog pa iyon bago niya nagawang sagutin. Maybe if she hadn’t been able to answer that after the two ring, I would have been more worried about her condition than Aki and me.

“Baby, why? I’m sorry I didn’t answer right away. I just finished talking to my cousin” Malumanay at masuyong sambit niya. “How–”

“They’re here” Maikli lang iyon pero nagbigay agad sa kanya ng katahimikan, sa sobrang tahimik maski ang paghinga niya ay hindi ko na nagawang marinig. “But I’m with Aki, I am fine…promise…I will be alright”

“Fuck this, I’ll be right back there. Please keep safe and Aki, please, Abby, I can’t bear to lose you anymore” Naging alanganin ang kanyang beses niya at naging kabado. “I’m going to see you”

“I am fine, please be careful and be safe…magiging maayos din ang lahat.”

“I love you, Abby and promise. I didn’t want to put you in this situation even then”

I stopped myself from crying at the last thing she said, I knew even then that she didn’t want me to feel sorry for her or to suffer in this situation. She will do everything so that I don’t get hurt, I don’t get involved in a situation that she knows will be difficult and she will lose me.

“Abby” nilingon ko si Aki. Bumaba ang tingin ko sa kanyang hawak. She was holding a gun, something I can only touch now but it had a profound effect on me then. The thing I did before was worse..

It’s going to be worse again now.

Tahimik kong inabot iyon. Dahan-dahan kong hinawakan iyon at bumuntong hininga nang sobrang lalim. Tinanguan niya ako bago muling binilisan ang pagpapatakbo ng kotse. Napahawak ako at naging mas alerto sa aking paligid.

Marami na akong naririnig sa tunog ng makina at lakas ng kkotse. Pakiramdam ko naiipit kmaing dalawa ngayon. Maiipit na naman kaming dalawa kagaya noon.

“Nandito na naman sila”

“Shit”

Nagulat ako nang biglang ilihis ni Aki ang kotse at bumangga iyon sa motor na nasa gilid niya. Nilingon ko ang harapan ko. Halos manlaki ang mga mata ko nang may nakatutok na baril sa amin.

“Use your gun, Abby!”

Kahit pa kinakabahan ako at nanlalaki na ang ulo ko halos au nagawa ko pa ring gawin ang sinabi niya. Wala na naman akong pagpipilian.

Binaba ko ang salamin at tinutok sa motor na katatapat lang sa akin. Mabilis kong tinamaan ang dibdib niya, bumagsak ito sa kalsada habang patuloy pa rin ang nagmamaneho. Iyon ang sunod kong tinamaan.

“Abby, shit, yuko!” Bago pa ko makapagsalita ay hinila ako ni Aki pabalik, hinawakan ang ulo ko at pilit na pinayuko at pinaupo sa pwesto ko.

Napatakip ako sa aking tenga nang makarinig ako nang sunod-sunod na baril, sumabay pa ang pagewang-gewang na ang kotse namin.

I slightly looked up to look at Aki, my eyes widened when I saw blood running from her forehead to her chin.

“A-Aki” I called. She looked down at me, smiled a little and moved the steering wheel again, making me feel like we were slightly bumping into something.

“Let’s go out, Abby!” She pulled a gun from her side and aimed outside. I rushed out, cautiously, I was alert with the gun I was holding, focusing on the surroundings.

I could hear Aki’s loud gunshots because she was the closest to me. I hid in my place and peeked slightly to help Aki. May nakikita pa akong ilang motor na paparating. Iba na ang itsura nila ngayon kumpara noon.

Tumutok ako at umasinta sa isang motor paparating. Kaagad itong tumilapon sa daan kasama ang angkas at bumangga sa isang motor na katabi niya.

“Abby, stay!”

“What!? I’ll help you!” sigaw at lumabas sa pinagattaguan ko at muling umasinta. Muli kong narinig ang sigaw at kontra sa akin ni Aki ngunit nagpatuloy ako sa ginagawa ko.

“Shit! Don’t hurt yourself!” Sigaw niya. Nilingon ko siya at sinaubong niya ang sipa ang driver ng motor na naging dahilan upang malagpasan siya nito.

“Hey! Don’t die!” sigaw ko. “Tatamaan ka sa akin”

“I won’t!”

Sinalubong ko ang isang papalapit sa akin, lumihis sa akina ng kamaong niya ngunit mabilis kong nailagan iyon. Yumuko ako at walang pagdadalawang isip na sinipa ko ang sikmua niya. Napaluhod ito pinukpok ko ng baril.

Ang isa naman ay mabilis kong inilagan dahil nakita ko ang kutsilyo niya.

“Shit!”

It was very difficult for me to get away from the man who kept hitting me with his knife, I did nothing but retreat and retreat, the last thing he did I shot him with my gun. Habol ang hininga kong tinitignan siyang bumagsak sa sahig, I got up on my knees while still breathing. I wiped the blood on my cheek, it was blood again.

As before, this is what I see again.

“Abby!” I stopped breathing when I heard Aki’s scream and the knocking of four guns on me. “Abby! Magtago ka!”

I quickly moved myself, I almost threw myself into the big tree near me and hid there.

I tried to fit my body in there even though it was big because there were many locusts hitting and passing me, I really did everything to avoid getting hit.

“Shit!” I looked at my bullet breathlessly. I only have a few left and more to come. I hid my head again when they shot again, walang tigil, balak talaga akong patayin.

“Abby, move! Ibabato ko ang granada!” sigaw ni Aki.

“What!? Granada!?” sigaw ko pabalik nang unti-unti na silang tumigiil sa akin. “Shit! Kapag talaga namatay tayo rito!”

“Abby, ito na! Wala akong choice, putangina, ang dami nila!”

Muli akong huminga nang malalim at muling tumingin sa susunod na puno na bahagyang malayo sa akin.

Hindi talaga ganito ang buhay na gusto ko, pakiramdam ko pinanganak talaga akong maging ganito, makipaglaban sa sarili kong buhay.

“Just don’t die!” sigaw ko muli at tumakbo na.

Even though I didn’t know if someone was going to shoot me, I chose to run to the far tree opposite me, I ran and didn’t look back, even though some people were shooting at me, I still managed to hold my head .

I slipped and hid myself in the big tree before I heard the loud explosion of the grenade that caused my whole body to tremble and startle. Muli kong siniksik ang katawan a tulo ko sa puno dahil sumunod ang ilang pagsabog muli.

I coughed again and again as I peered, there I saw the tree full of fire and smoke, I also saw some cars upside down.

I think it’s better that the way to the cemetery is a little forest so that we don’t have to feel anything else. Because all I see are cars and people lying on the floor are people chasing me to kill us.

Tumigil ang mata ko kung saan ko huling nakita si Aki ngunit wala na siya roon kaya napagalaw ako nang mabilis sa pwesto ko.

“Shit..” mahinang sambit ko at mabilis na tumayo at nagpalinga-linga na sa paligid. “Aki! Aki, nasaan ka!?” Paika-ika akong naglakad, nahihilo ko sa amoy ng granada at ilang apoy.

Muli akong umubo, patuloy ako sa paglalakad papunta sa kung nasaan siya kanina.

“Aki! Aki!” I still called even though I was closing my eyes and coughing.

I didn’t see her at her place earlier so I was even more nervous.

“Aki! Where are you!” I’m trying not to cry while calling her, I’m starting to get nervous and worried because I can’t really see her. “Aki!”

Tangina, malaman ko lang talagang may nangyari hindi maganda sa kanya pati si Andy masasaktan at si Aco.

“Ak–” napatigil ang sasabihin ko nang makita kong may tumayo pang isang lalaki. Duguan siya at sunog na ng bahagya ang katawan niya. “Nasaan si Aki!?” naiiyak na sigaw ko sa kanya.

“Mamamtay kayong lahat!” sigaw niya.

I became alert because he gradually came closer to me while holding his knife until his approach became violent and the knife he was holding threatened me.

I bent down to avoid that, I retreated again like I was doing before. The last thing I did was he cut my arm.

“Ah” I moaned. I looked at my gun. I still have some ammo left.

I dodged his knife again when it passed me I pulled his hand with all my strength and violently stuck the gun head to his chin.

I stared at him violently, I don’t know what was running through my mind but I wanted to kill him, I wanted to disappear because what was on my mind because I couldn’t feel and see Aki.

I feel my chest beating while looking at him, he is now looking at me with fear and can’t believe that I did this to him so quickly.

“Where’s Aki?” I told him violently. “Where did you take her!?” I screamed in anger. Hindi siya sumagot, binaba ko ang baril sa binti niya at binaril iyon. “Where’s Aki! Tell me!Don’tfuck with me!”

Umiinda siya sa sakit ng binti niyang lumalabas na ang mga dugo. “Isang tanong na lang, kapag hindi mo pa sinagot, papuputukin ko ang ulo mo”

She knelt while shaking, I pulled her hair and looked up from me.

“Where’s Aki?” my voice became more violent.

“K-Kinuha nila…”

My eyes moved violently and my jaws tightened looking at him. I want to shoot him, I want to kill him. I want to do it more violently…

“M-Maxwe—”

Before he could finish the name of the person he was going to mention and I quickly pulled the trigger. I closed my eyes when his blood hit my face again. I did it again, I killed someone again…

I’ve done this many times but I feel like I’m doing it for me to live, for all of us to live but now that Aki is no longer with me I feel like it’s my fault again. No matter what I do in return, I feel useless because someone important to me has been taken from me. Got something again because of me.

I looked up, I looked at the sky that was so relaxed, so relaxed that my whole personality and what I had done would be ashamed again.

My hands were shaking and I took my phone out of my pocket, my eyes were watering but I didn’t look at it anymore.

“A-Abby! W-Wha–”

“They got Aki, Maxl” nagsimula na akong umiyak. “T-They got A-Aki!”

“Abby…I-I’m sorry”

A/N:

Sorry for late update, busy na po talaga at kakatapos lang ng midterm! Bawi ako sa christmas break, thank you so reading! Keep safe everyone and take care always!

Chapter 35

Walang tigil ang pagpatak ng luha ko habang yakap ko si Andy. Sa sobrang higpit ng yakap ko sa kanya pakiramdam ko nararamdaman ko rin ang kulang niya, kulang dahil wala si Aki.

I didn’t speak, I just cried as I fell on her. I don’t really know what I’m feeling, I just know that I’m here at a point in my life that is very difficult.

Sobrang bigat ng pakiramdam ko, sobrang hirap akong mag-isip. Hindi ko talaga alam kung anong dapat kong gawin, hindi ako matahimik dahil alam kong dahil sa akin nakuha si Aki.

Andy doesn’t speak, I never heard her speak but I feel she feels the same way.

“Love…” I still didn’t move, I kept crying to Andy, I don’t know but it’s like I’m in pain and I know Andy also knows that I can cry with her. I cried even more when I felt Maxl holding me as well. “Love, they’re on their way”

We were silent for a few minutes before I walked away from Andy, I slowly turned to Maxl but I cried even more because she was looking at me again as if she was struggling, hurt and I could see the tiredness in her eyes face.

Iyon na naman ang mga tingin na iyon. Ang mga mata at itsura na iyon, iyon din ang naging dahilan ng paghihirap naming dalawa.

Yumuko at pinahid ang aking mga luha at mukha. Kitang-kita ko ring inabot ako ni Maxl, inabot niya ang mga kamay kong nanginginig.

“S-Si Aki?” I looked up at Maxl, I was still crying and some tears were still falling from my eyes. Maxl’s jaw moved, her eyes were sad and she slowly shook her head at me. “P-Pinapahanap mo na ba?”

She still nodded slowly, my grip tightened. “I’m doing everything…I’m going to find her, Abby”

I looked at Andy, she was quiet but she was just watching me when we both looked at each other she smiled slightly at me. Hinawakan niya ang aking balikat at hinaplos iyon. “It’s okay, Abby..Don’t worry too much, okay?”

Umiling ako, paulit-ulit akong umiling. Hindi ito maayos, hinding-hindi ako matatahimik. “Hindi…kailangan kong mahanap si Aki—”

“I know…mahahanap natin si Aki”

Hindi na ako nagsalita, muli akong yumuko at nablanko na naman. Sa sariling isip ko na naman ang kasama ko at kausap ko, pakiramdam ko nababaliw na naman ako. I closed my eyes tightly. I don’t know what to do anymore, I can’t do anything anymore.

I heard the door close before I washed my face again. I’m here again at the point where I’m going to have more trouble, I’m going to blame myself again, some people are going to sympathize again and Maxl is going to have trouble again. Nahihirapan siya lagi.

“Abby” masuyo ang tawag niya, nakukuuha niya pa ring maging malumanay at mabuti sa akin kahit alam kong hindi iyon ang nararamdaman niya.

“Get some rest”

I shook my head. “I can’t rest, Maxl, I can’t rest anymore if Aki is missing” Muli niyang inabot ang aking kamay. “I want this to end, Maxl, can we please end this?”

I started crying softly again, only a little came out of my eyes but I felt so heavy, I don’t know anymore but the pain is real, I’m going back to the situation that I feel like I can’t overcome, gusto ko na lang talaga matapos ang lahat.

I didn’t look up at her. “We’ll finish this, Abby, please, I hope you can wait for me to fix all of this” Nasa kama ako at siya naman ay bahagyang lumuhod upang masilayan niya ako. “Please, Don’t get tired of me…I hope you don’t leave me again”

I couldn’t speak. Maybe to this day I am still affected, I still have trauma. I’m sure I won’t leave her but I can’t help but feel lethargic and hurt, I’m quiet again when I know something I can’t control, tahimik ako kapag alam kong bigat na bigat pa rin ako lalo na halos makipagpatayan ako kanina para sa sarili kong buhay at sa buhay ni Aki.

“Get some rest” she said again and stood up, letting go of my hand. She turned her back and I watched her walk to sit on the sofa that was also close to me.

I swallowed. Are we like this again? What we were like when that first thing happened has happened again until now.

I leaned on the bed and took a deep breath while I was still watching Maxl who was busy with her phone, the speed of her fingers in fiddling, she seemed to be very nervous, anger and I could see the reddening of her face.

What will happen? Can we still find Aki? Because knowing Maxwell Valdez is not easy to find, they will not come out without a plan and if they do show up, you really don’t think they will really chase your life.

Kahit na ang dumating na sila Daddy ay hindi ko narinig na nagsalita si Maxl, nakatayo siya sa sofa at nakatanaw lang sa amin, ganoon pa rin ang kanyang mukha, malungkot, pagod at nakikitian ko siya ng galit.

Tahimik siya ngunit nang sumapit ang hapon ay nilapitan siya ni Daddy, hinawakan siya ni Daddy sa balikat at lumabas sila.

I could see the worry on my cousins’ faces, especially Mommy’s, she held my hand and caressed it. I stopped crying, I didn’t want to cry because I felt tired again.

Because apart from the fact that I have a problem with how I can find Aki and how I can make Andy feel that I didn’t like what happened even though she doesn’t say anything, also include that Maxl and I are not on good terms. Again.

Maxl and I faced each other again when we were in the parking lot, my family was still with us and they were looking at us so I turned to Maxl who was nodding to Daddy.

“We’re going home” I said goodbye to them but I heard Maxl speak.

“We will not go together now” My parents and my cousin looked at me for a long time as if they were worried about what would happen to Maxl and me, I slowly turned to her, our eyes met the more I saw the tiredness, hurt and pain in her eyes. “You go home to them”

Gumalaw siya at hinawakan na ang pinto ng kotse niya.

“Ano? Bakit?” tanong ko. “Ayos na a—”

“No, you’re not” I stopped approaching her again. “Let’s not be together this time, you won’t be safe when you’re with me”

I was silent for a while before I spoke. “Is it because I didn’t answer you earlier? I just don’t want what happened to me again but I promised I won’t leave you in this situation again, Maxl”

“I know and I also know that you will always be unable to answer that if something bad always happens to you, it would be better if we were no longer together in case you no longer fight for your life just because of me”

The weight and pain in my chest hurt even more and I feel it. I feel like I want to cry again but it’s also my fault why she’s taking me further away from her for my own life.

“Maybe it’s better that you don’t be with me anymore…don’t worry, Abby, I also promised Andy that I will find Aki no matter what happens” maliit siyang ngumiti. “I am sorry, hindi ko na kayang madamay ka at ang pamilya mo”

She gave a small smile but I could see the bitterness in those smiles, a smile that I knew she also did not want to give and give this decision.

I can’t speak anymore, I can’t say anything because I feel like it’s really my fault, I made her feel like I might leave her again because our situation is like this again so she’s able to put me first but I know she won’t leave me completely,

I didn’t say anything after that night, I waited to see if she would talk to me or text me but a day went by that I didn’t feel her. I even managed to ask Ate Amanda but she couldn’t find Maxl and contact her.

I became more and more worried. Dahi kong nagawa ko lang sagutin ang tanong niya ay hindi siya magiging ganito, hindi siya mas magiging atat na mahanap si Aki at tapusin na ang lahat ng problema sa buhay niya.

Si Andy ay napansin ko rin ang pananahimik habang nasa trabaho kami, kinakausap niya ako pero mas nakikita ko ang kaba at pag-aalala sa mukha niya. Si Rico naman ay gustong patulungin ni Ida sa paghahanap kay Maxl upang mahanap nila si Aki ngunit hindi niya maiwanan si Ida ng matagal dahil buntis nga ito.

“Abby, nakausap mo na ba si Maxl?” Narinig ko ang boses at tanong ni Andy. “Hindi pa rin ba kayo nagkikita at nag-uusap ulit?”

Umiling ako.

“Sinubukan ko rin pero hindi rin siya nagpaparamdam”

Hindi ako nagsalita, sobrang sising-sisi ako sa mga nagagawa kong desisyon at simpleng pagsagot sa lahat ng sinabi ni Maxl ay hindi ko manlang nagawang sagutin, siguro kung nasagot ko iyon ay hindi niya ako pipiliin na lumayo sa kanya, sana kasama niya akong naghahanap ngayon kay Aki, sana kasama niya ako ngayon.

Sana kasama ko siya at pinaparamdam ko sa kanya hinding hindi ko siya iiwanan, nasaktan at naging alanganin lang ako sa buhay ko pero ang iwana siya ay hindi ko na magagawa pa.

I couldn’t hold back my tears when Andy put my head in her arms. She was giving me very tight and gentle hugs.

“I am not mad…please I am not mad, Abby, no matter what happens I will not be able to be mad at you…I hope you put that out of your mind, I don’t want you to add the pain you feel just because you blame yourself and you’re also thinking about how Aco and I will feel about what happened to Aki”

Mas nagging malakas ang iyak ko.

Wala na naman akong ibang ginawa kundi ang umiyak nang umiyak. Lahat na lang iniiyakan ko hanggamg ngayon, pakiramdam ko tuloy wala kaming karapatan ni Maxl para maging masaya.

“Tama na, huwag na natin sisihin ang mga sarili natin sa mga bagay na hindi natin gusto at makontrol…huwag ka nang bumalik sa nakaraan”

“Mahal ka ni Maxl…ginagawa ito kasi takot na siyang iwanan mo siya.”

Iyon din ang naging dahilan kaya nagawa niya ang desisyon na iyon, desisyon na ayaw niya pero wala siyang choice.

Ilang oras pa kaming nagsama ni Andy bago niya ako hinatid sa penthouse ni Maxl. Tahimik pa rin ako at dinamdam ko talaga ang iyak ko buong araw at sa sobrang pagod na rin.

“Are you sure?” Nilingon din ni Andy ang penthouse sa tapat ng kotse. “Tinext mo ba si Maxl? Gusto mo bang samahan kita?”

Hindi na naman ako nakapagsalita, tanging kapit lang sa braso niya ang nagawa ko.

“I got you always, so ready ka na ba? Tara na?” Napansin ko na parang kinakabahan siya na hindi ko maintindihan, napansin niya iyon kaya agad siyang napangiwi. “Bading, I don’t know, kinakabahan ako”

Lumabas kami ng kotse at muling tumingala sa penthouse ni Maxl. Mas malaki pa ito kaysa sa penthouse ko. Kung hindi sinabi ni Ate na may penthouse na ngayon si Maxl ay hindi ko pa malalaman.

Magkahawak kami ni Andy ng kamay habang papalapit sa gate ngunit bahagyang nakabukas iyon pati na rin ang pintuan.

“Nakabukas lahat” si Andy. “Kahit ba tawag ay hindi niya sinasagot? Iba na talaga kutob ko rito, Abby”

Just like her, I was also enveloped in nervousness, I was nervous again because she was right. May mali na naman.

“You have a gun?” I asked her. She shook her head. “Knife?”

“Yes, what about you?” She looked at my foot because that’s where I hid my small gun, tinaas ang trouser ko at kinuha iyon. “You’re really ready”

We slowly entered the gate, I was the one who was alert because I was the one with the gun, I just kept an eye on Andy’s back who also slowly entered the slightly open door. Unti-unti na rin akong lumapit sa kanya.

Sinalubong kami ng katahimikan sa loob ngunit napatakip kami parehas ni Andy dahil nakakaamoy kami ng dugo.

“Shit” Sambit ko.

Hinawakan ko ni Andy at pilit akong pinakalma habang nakadikit sa bibig niya ang isang daliri.

“Shh…” Nadaanan namin ang kusina, walang tao, walang dugo at hindi magulo. Naglakad kami sa hallway papuntang sala at doon na kami nakakita ng ilang bakas at pahid ng dugo sa pader.

Mas kinabahan ako at mas kumabog ang dibdib ko. Ang daming dugo sa pader, bakas dun ang dugo mula sa kamay habang humahaba iyon at papunta sa sala, habang papalapit naman ay nakakarinig ako ng impit na daing at parang nahihirapan.

“I can hear them…” said Andy, she turned to me and nodded. Little by little we came closer to the living room. As we got closer, I could see the messy things and traces of blood scattered around.

“A-Aki…Get some rest…” I heard Maxl’s voice getting weak so I quickly came closer. Doon ko nakita ang itsura nilang dalawa.

“A-Ate Andy?” Napatingin ako sa isang babae, kamukhang-kamukha siya ni Aki.

“Kari?” si Andy na halos hindi rin makapaniwala.

Maxl looked at me, he looked very tired and as if he was about to give up. There were several bandages on his body and especially on his head.

“M-Maxl!” I quickly approached her even though I didn’t know how to touch him, I did it anyway, I touched his cheek tenderly. “Are you okay!? Do you want to drive me to the hospital?”

“Ate, Ate Maxl is okay, nandito si Tito na doktor” si Kari ang sumagot sa akin. Nilingon ko siya na nag-aalala pa rin. “Nanghihina pa siya, kailangan niyang magpahinga na muna”

“Kari! Sinong kausap mo?” Narinig ako ng boses sa cr. “Teka, lalabas na ako!”

I turned my gaze to Maxl who was already closed, I held her again and leaned her head towards me before I spoke again.

“Take a rest…I’m here, I’m sorry”

I laid her on the bed, the bed was big so she and Aki could fit together, Aki was now being held by Andy while Akari was just behind her and looking at both of us.

“Akari” I heard and saw their Tito, there was also blood on his clothes. “Andy?”

“Tito”

Maxl fell asleep as soon as I put her on the bed, I know she had a lot of trouble but when I held her and laid her on the bed, I saw that she looked peaceful now. Inabot ko siya at muling hinaplos ang kanyang buhok.

“Everything will be fine…I’m here” I gave her a long sigh before turning to Aki who was already sleeping next to her.

Andy and I looked at each other, she was holding Aki’s hand before again touching her forehead to Aki’s hands that she was holding.

“I know what happened?” I kindly asked Aki’s sister. Nilingon naman nila akong dalawa ng Tito niya, maliit na ngumiti sa akin si Akari bago ko muling sumagot.

“Ate, It’s not over yet…Maxwell has escaped again but I’m still happy because Ate is here”

“Nakatakas na naman si Maxwell?” hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko. Tumango sa akin si Akari, bahagya na nawalan ang kanyang mga ngiti.

“Because if Ate Maxl didn’t free Maxwell, Ate Aki might not be here now” She turned to Aki on the bed. “I hope you understand that, Ate because if Ate Maxl didn’t do that, maybe she and Ate Aki wouldn’t be together now”

Unti-unti akong tumango bago muling nilingon si Maxl.

“Maxl will be fine, his head isn’t too bruised just his body is slightly bruised.” I heard the Uncle speak. “Maxl will also wake up, she’s tired and Aki may have a few more days before she wakes up, her body was taken worse, she was beaten”

I looked at Andy who stopped slightly, She moved her face away from Aki’s hand.

“Why didn’t they send to the hospital?” I waited for the answer.

“We can’t just leave here…they’re watching, it’s a good thing they didn’t attack you here” said Akari.

“They’re here, Again?” si Andy na hindi makapaniwala, diniin pa niya ang salitang iyon bago muling ibinalik ang tingin kay Aki na kagaya ni Maxl ay payapang natutulog ang mga itsura nila.

“Yes, they’re just outside, we can’t be too hasty” their Tito said and turned to look outside the window. Hinawi niya nang bahagya ang kurtina. “Maxl wants to finish everything, as soon as she wakes up”

I turned my gaze to Maxl again, my heart was beating so hard, I didn’t know how I would feel when I heard that. She is forcing everything to end just so that I won’t leave her, she can’t feel that I will leave her. That’s not what I wanted to make her feel but I still managed to make her feel because of what happened the previous day. I also don’t know why I can’t recover immediately when I know that my life has really been put in danger.

“That’s what Ate wants too, they’ll finish all this when they wake up…” said Akari. “We can’t stop them anymore and it’s right to end everything because we are already struggling”

Their Tito didn’t leave tonight, Akari was also there, she didn’t leave her sister’s side either. While Andy and I really couldn’t take our eyes off Maxl and Aki. We stayed there, sometimes they moved but they still didn’t wake up, I didn’t let go of Maxl’s hand even though I felt both of our hands were sweating.

I looked at Andy and what she offered in my coffee cup, I smiled at him and he took it and sat next to Aki. I took a sip of coffee, somehow I felt better from what I drank, I was tired but I felt that I had rested from what I had done drinking.

“Abby, I don’t know what I’m going to do when Aki wakes up” I stopped sipping my coffee when I heard that from Andy, I looked at her but she was just looking at Aki. “I don’t even know why I haven’t left here yet”

I didn’t take my eyes off of her but I managed to drink coffee again. “It’s okay if you don’t know all the answers to your questions, I don’t even know what to say because it’s for you to feel and understand yourself better”

“I can’t leave her like this anymore” si Andy.

“Then don’t leave her like this…at least this time, don’t leave just yet”

Muli kaming nathimik. Maliit akong ngumiti sa kanya at tumango. “Magiging maayos din ang lahat, Andy”

“Magiging maayos din ang lahat sa inyo ni Maxl”

I waited for Maxl to wake up until she woke up the next day, Aki was still sleeping but when Tito looked he said he was fine, she was just resting.

“Maxl” I called after She got up, I leaned on her slowly while Tito Benedict checked on her. She looked at me but didn’t speak. “How are you feeling?” I have another question.

“She’s fine now…kailangan lang niya ng mahabang pahinga para sa katawan niya. Ang ulo mo ba masakit ba?” Tanong sa kanya ni Tito Benedict.

Umiling si Maxl. “Hija, can you talk? Tell me if you can’t, pupunta na tayong ho–”

“I am fine, Tito” I moved away a little so that I could see her better. She can speak but slowly, she can move her body, it’s just painful and heavy.

“That’s good”

“How about Aki?” she looked at Aki next to her. “She hasn’t woken up yet? When will she wake up?”

“She hasn’t woken up yet, it’s been a few days bef—”

“Tomorrow morning when she hasn’t woken up, leave here, I’ll finish everything”

We were all stunned by what she said, even Akari couldn’t believe what she heard.

“Ate Maxl, Ate Aki will not like the decision—” Maxl looked up at her before speaking again.

“I won’t like it more if I see Aki like this again” She took a very deep and heavy breath before looking at me, she looked at me seriously and hard. “I’ll finish it before anything gets lost”

“Okay, just don’t forget that we’re here to help you” si Tito Benedict bago tumayo. “You have guns here”

“Yeah”

“Where?”

“Basement”

Tito Benedict nodded, Akari patted Andy’s arm before they left. I looked at Andy again, there was a trace of worry on her face.

I sat next to Maxl, she still didn’t speak again, just leaning while looking out the window, her eyes were getting in trouble, she was looking outside a lot so I completely closed it and covered it with a curtain.

“Maxl, can you talk?” I held her hand. She just looked at it. “Let’s talk here no–”

“Let’s talk when it’s all over”

Tumahimik ako saglit, tinitignan ko siya na parang hindi ako makapaniwala. Huminga ako bago ko muling nagsalita.

“Maxl, I understand how you feel and why you are in such a hurry to end all this but please do understand me, I cant recover when I know my life is in danger, it has happened before and now it is happening again. I didn’t answer your question but that doesn’t mean I will leave you, I won’t leave you, I won’t do that anymore, I can give my life for you” Humigpit ang hawak ko sa kamay niya. “I hope you understand that the reason I can’t speak and recover is because I also blame myself for losing Aki the day we were together, because of me she was taken, because of me you two became like this again”

She looked down at our holding hands, I could feel her holding me back.

“I am sorry, Maxl, but I am here, I came to see you…and I want to join you in whatever plan you have”

“But I can’t make you put your life in danger again”

“If it’s you, I can do it, the only thing I can’t do is to be with other people. Hindi ko na kayang may madamay pa.”

Umiling siya pero mas umiling ako. “Kaya ko, kung tatapusin mo na, isama mo na ako”

Chapter 36

A/N: I really tried to finish it so this is the end of the second chapter of their life and the next chapter is for the third chapter which is the last, I will focus more on Maxl and Abby. Thank you so much. 

Keep safe and dry, Everyone!

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Trigger Warning: Violence, Blood, and Gore‼️‼️‼️

Maxl’s grip tightened on me, she was squeezing it as if she was making sure that I would go back into my decision that I knew would put my life in danger again. I held her back, repeatedly nodding while looking into her eyes.

“Let’s do it, let’s finish it” I brought my lips to her forehead and stuck my lips for a while. “I’ll go with you, again”

I could see how she felt my kisses, she closed her eyes when I kissed her and she was still like that when I slightly moved away from her. Hindi ko nakalimutang haplusin ang kanyang buhok pababasa kanyang pisngi, nakapikit pa rin siya pero mas dinikit niya ang pisngi niya sa aking palad.

She also reached out to my hand, kissed my palm before she opened her eyes, her eyes met me to see.

“Promise, I will marry you after all of this” Ngumiti ako.

“Three years pa, oh” bahagya akong tumawa, napailing na rin siya ngunit may mga ngiti sa labi.

“Tama na po ang landian”

Nilingon namin si Andy, nakasimangot na siya sa amin pero kita ko namang masaya siyang nakatingin sa main. “Utang na loob, gisingin n’yo muna si Aki”

“Magigising ’yan, nandito ka” Umiling siya at muling lumingon kay Aki.

“Are you going to leave when she’s awake?” Andy turned to us again before her eyes shifted to Maxl. Her lips were moving so I knew she was really hesitant about her answer.

“I don’t know, do you think she needs me when she wakes up?” Nilingon ko si Maxl, alam kong mas kilala niya si Aki kaya siya lang ang makakasagot sa tanong na iyon.

“She’s still longing for you, so I won’t be wrong if she wakes up she still needs you”

Hindi na muling nagsalita si Andy, nakatingin lang ulit si Andy sa mahimbing na natutulog na si Aki. Hindi na rin muling nagsalita pa si Maxl pero nagtagal pa rin ang tingin niya kay Andy at Aki.

Sumapit naman ang tanghali ay nasa kusina kami, tapos na ang tanghalian, hindi ko rin kasama si Andy dahil mas pinili nitong kumain kung nasaan si Aki. Hindi niya talaga nagawang umalis doon, hindi niya nagawang umalis doon kahit babalik din naman siya.

Nasa tabi ko si Maxl, nasa harapan naman namin si Akari at si Tito Benedict.

“Anong plano, Ate?” si Akari. Sumubo ito ng pagkain sabay tingin naman nito sa akin, maliit ko naman siyang nangitian ganon din ako sa kanya.

“Tomorrow morning, if Aki hasn’t woken up, we’ll start.” Maxl looked at me for a moment, she was serious, I could see her anger and eager at her decision.

I kept quiet, Akari was also quiet and Tito Benedict just nodded while drinking coffee. I was nervous but I chose to be calm because Maxl needs me, she needs me by her side.

“I’ll call back up tomorrow morning, you have to get out of here before they let us in because I don’t know what time they’ll attack…” We followed Maxl’s gaze as she stood up and peeked out the window slightly. I can see how she sighed. It’s very heavy and I know she still thinks that seriously. “Akari, go with Aki and Andy and leave tomorrow”

I immediately saw the surprise on Akari’s face. “What? I’ll go with you, Ate!” umiling naman si Maxl muli.

“There’s no need, Akari, I don’t want to add pain to Andy’s life…and even Aki, I trust you but your life is more important” nanahimik si Akari, napababa na rin ako ng tingin. “Go with Andy and Aki, Akari, I don’t need to force you anymore, go with them, your sister needs you”

“I understand, kakausapin ko si ate Andy” masuyong sambit ni Akari. Tumayo si Akari at lumabas na ng kusina habang si Tito Benedict ay nakasandal lang sa upuan at patuloy pa rin ang pag-inom ng kape niya.

“Tito” Tawag ni Maxl kay Tito Benedict.

“Hmm?” si Tito Benedict naman ay binitawana ng tasa ng kape. “Don’t worry, I will help you and my nephew”

“Thank you, Uncle” Tito Benedict nodded.

“I’m ready, they’ll attack at any moment”

After they talked, Maxl grabbed me, she grabbed my hair while I was getting up from the chair.

“Let’s talk in the room” she said sweetly, she took my hand and slightly pulled us into the room. I looked at her room, bigger than before, cleaner and more peaceful that time.

She still didn’t let go of me until we were both sitting on his bed, he sat down first and while I was sitting he made me sit on his lap.

“Abby, this will be over, we’ll be fine” She kissed my cheek, she wrapped her arms around my waist and gently held and hugged me. “Sorry, this will not happen again and I promise you that this will all be over and I will never be harmed again”

“Promise?” Lumingon na rin ako sa kanya. Pinulupot ko ang aking mga braso sa kanyang leeg. “This will end too, we can both wait” Masuyo at malambing siyang tumango bago ako hinalikan sa labi.

“Mahal na mahal kita, I have many promises and I will fulfill them all to you” We both kissed passionately, she laid me slowly on the bed while she was still holding me, not wanting to let go, she just held me.

“I love you, Abby…Promise, this will all be over”

That night we made love, we didn’t care about the pain in her body, in our body, all the problems that we all had, we preferred to feel each other before everything else.

I woke up in the morning when I felt a tight hug from my back, her face pressed against my neck and cheek.

Even though I was sleepy, I managed to let out a sweet smile, I held her hands that were also holding mine. We both felt each other, kept hugging each other.

“Are you awake, love?” she sounded like he had just woken up but was still sweet and gentle to me. “How are you?” I slowly face her and hug her again. “Does your back hurt?”

“Hmm” I clung to her even more. “My back hurts”

“I missed you” I smiled even more with a laugh. “I love you” she gave me a kiss on the forehead. “So much”

“I remember, you didn’t use a condom” sabi ko dahilan para mas yakapin niya ako. “Magkakaanak tayo nang maaga niyan”

“Is that okay? If I got you pregnant?” I nodded and looked up at her. We both looked at each other with a smile on our lips.

“It’s fine, I’m ready if we have children”

“I will take care of you and our baby” Muli niya akong hinalikan sa aking noo nang matagal.

Ilang minuto pa kaming nanatiling magkayakap bago namin napagdesisyunan na bumangon na. Madaling araw na, ngayon na aalis sila Andy kasama si Aki na hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko alam kung nagising na ba.

Tahimik kami ni Maxl habang tinatakpan niya ng twalya ang kayang katawan habang ako naman ay niyakap niya dahilan para hindi ko matakpan ang katawan ko.

“Baby, huwag ka na magdamit” Kinurot ko ang kanyang pisngi. “I prefer you naked”

“Hay naku, ikaw ha, ganyan ka pala” Muli niyang hinalikan ang pisngi at labi ko nang paulit-ulit. “Hindi na ako makahinga” hinawakan ko ang mukha niya at bahagyang nilayo sa akin.

“Why? You don’t want my kisses?” I watched her snort and her eyes looked like she wanted to cry, nagging malungkot din ang kanyang mukha kaya imbis na maawa ay natawa pa ako.

“No, Maybe you don’t want me anymore” Habang tumatawa ako ay lumuhod siya kaya napatingin ako, nakahubad pa rin ako as in wala akong damit sa lahat. Dinikit niya ang tenga niya sa aking tyan. “Baby, your Momm–”

“Hala, hindi pa ako buntis!” Hinawakan ko ang buhok niya. “Ang advance mo naman, Maxl”

“I will report you to our child, you don’t want my kisses” Ang hawak niya ay naging yakap na sa aking baywang, sinusubsob na niya ang kanyang mukha sa aking tyan at masuyo akong niyayakap.

“Nagbibiro lang ako, nalalamog na ang mukha ko sa’yo” HInahaplos ko ang buhok niya. “I want and love your kisses, love”

“I know, baby” HInalikan niya ang aking tyan bago siya tumayo at ako naman ang hinalikan sa labi. “You’re so pretty, I love you so much”

“I love you, too, so much”

She accompanied me to the bath, she also bathed me, took care of me and made me wear my clothes. She didn’t let me move on my own even when I took care of her, she still supported me.

“Paano kung ikaw muna ang gusto kong maging baby?” Tanong ko habang inaayos ko ang bangs niya. Mabilis na sumilay ang mga ngisi sa kanyang labi.

“Really? Okay, let me drink your milk!” Tinignan ko siya nang hindi ako makapaniwala. May pagkamahalay din pala ang isang ito. “I’d rather be the one to drink your milk”

“Huwag na pala”

“Nooo” Agad siyang yumakap sa akin. “No, baby, If you don’t to have child yet, It’s okay, I am your baby”

“Wala akong gatas kung wala akong anak” Bumitaw siya sa akin, humawak siya sa aking dibdib kaya kinurot ko ang pisngi niya. “Totoo nga, kung ikaw ’yan, walang gatas”

“It’s okay, I love your nipples kaya” Pumasok ang kamay niya sa loob ng damit ko at bahagyang pinisil breast ko. She wasn’t satisfied yet, she even managed to touch one of my breast.

Napatakip ako sa aking bibig nang unti-unti niyang pinisil ang nipple ko.

“Ahh, stop na” hinawakan ko ang kamay niya.

“When all this trouble is over, Abby, hindi kita palalakarin” Hinampas ko siya. Binitawan na niya ang mga dibdib ko, muli niya akong niyakap at hinalikan ang labi ko. “Because I know when it’s all over, we’ll be able to be free, I’ll be able to give you all my attention and love” She buried my face in her shoulder. “And let’s make love anytime and anywhere”

“Gusto ko pang makalakad” Yumakap ako pabalik sa kanya, mahigpit kong iniyakap at inihawak ang mga kamay ko sa kanyang likod. “Magdahan-dahan ka sa mga sinasabi mo ah”

She laughed.

“I want to devote all my time and love to you”

“Hindi ka naman nagkukulang sa akin…”

“I know, gusto ko pa ring ibigay ang lahat sa’yo, walang kulang”

Maxl couldn’t stop crying when we saw Aki awake, she was awake while Andy was sleeping in her arms. Akari was on the other side of Aki, they were hugging each other, and Tito Benedict was smiling happily.

“Aki…” Maxl softly called her on the bed, she reached out to Aki and held her tightly. I nodded to her again and again and I couldn’t help but cry and feel very happy. Gising na si Aki at sigurado akong matutuwa si Andy na makitang gising na siya.

“Gising na ako…” mahinang sambit niya nang hawakan nila ni Maxl ang ulo nang isa’t-isa. “Huwag ka na umiyak, hindi ka iyakin”

“Tarantado”

Gusto kong humaglpak ng tawa dahil iyon ang unang beses na narinig ko siyang nagmura tapos tagalog pa.

“Ikaw, tarantado ka” ganti sa kanya ni Aki. “Lumayo ka na nga sa akin”

Lumayo na nga si Maxl pero naroon pa rin ang mga palitan nila ang ngiti at tawa. Lumapit sa akin si Maxl nang may ngisi sa mga labi niya, kitang-kita ko ang mga dimples niya at mga ngipin niyang nakalabas na.

“Gising na si Aki, love” tumango ako sa kanya at hinawakan ang kamay ko. “I love you” hinawakan niya ang ulo ko at inilapit iyon sa kanyang labi.

When Andy woke up, even though she couldn’t speak immediately, I could see the joy and happiness in her eyes when she saw that Aki was awake.

“I’m awake, Andy…sorry if I made you wait” Andy didn’t speak again but she hugged Aki slowly which made me smile more, I can’t just see this, I know there is still hope for both of them, sinisgurado ko na kagaya namin ni Maxl, magiging maayos din silang dalawa.

Maxl let go of me while Andy, Akari, Aki and I were talking, I looked at her because she came to the window again, Tito Benedict also peeked in and I saw him shaking his head.

“I think it will be worse now that you are awake, my nephew” he turned to Aki and Aki immediately lost the smile on her lips. “Mukhang pinapanood nga talaga nila tayo, alam nilang gising ka na” 

She accompanied me to the bath, she also bathed me, took care of me and made me wear my clothes. She didn’t let me move on my own even when I took care of her, she still supported me.

“Paano kung ikaw muna ang gusto kong maging baby?” Tanong ko habang inaayos ko ang bangs niya. Mabilis na sumilay ang mga ngisi sa kanyang labi.

“Really? Okay, let me drink your milk!” Tinignan ko siya nang hindi ako makapaniwala. May pagkamahalay din pala ang isang ito. “I’d rather be the one to drink your milk”

“Huwag na pala”

“Nooo” Agad siyang yumakap sa akin. “No, baby, If you don’t to have child yet, It’s okay, I am your baby”

“Wala akong gatas kung wala akong anak” Bumitaw siya sa akin, humawak siya sa aking dibdib kaya kinurot ko ang pisngi niya. “Totoo nga, kung ikaw ’yan, walang gatas”

“It’s okay, I love your nipples kaya” Pumasok ang kamay niya sa loob ng damit ko at bahagyang pinisil breast ko. She wasn’t satisfied yet, she even managed to touch one of my breast.

Napatakip ako sa aking bibig nang unti-unti niyang pinisil ang nipple ko.

“Ahh, stop na” hinawakan ko ang kamay niya.

“When all this trouble is over, Abby, hindi kita palalakarin” Hinampas ko siya. Binitawan na niya ang mga dibdib ko, muli niya akong niyakap at hinalikan ang labi ko. “Because I know when it’s all over, we’ll be able to be free, I’ll be able to give you all my attention and love” She buried my face in her shoulder. “And let’s make love anytime and anywhere”

“Gusto ko pang makalakad” Yumakap ako pabalik sa kanya, mahigpit kong iniyakap at inihawak ang mga kamay ko sa kanyang likod. “Magdahan-dahan ka sa mga sinasabi mo ah”

She laughed.

“I want to devote all my time and love to you”

“Hindi ka naman nagkukulang sa akin…”

“I know, gusto ko pa ring ibigay ang lahat sa’yo, walang kulang”

Maxl couldn’t stop crying when we saw Aki awake, she was awake while Andy was sleeping in her arms. Akari was on the other side of Aki, they were hugging each other, and Tito Benedict was smiling happily.

“Aki…” Maxl softly called her on the bed, she reached out to Aki and held her tightly. I nodded to her again and again and I couldn’t help but cry and feel very happy. Gising na si Aki at sigurado akong matutuwa si Andy na makitang gising na siya.

“Gising na ako…” mahinang sambit niya nang hawakan nila ni Maxl ang ulo nang isa’t-isa. “Huwag ka na umiyak, hindi ka iyakin”

“Tarantado”

Gusto kong humaglpak ng tawa dahil iyon ang unang beses na narinig ko siyang nagmura tapos tagalog pa.

“Ikaw, tarantado ka” ganti sa kanya ni Aki. “Lumayo ka na nga sa akin”

Lumayo na nga si Maxl pero naroon pa rin ang mga palitan nila ang ngiti at tawa. Lumapit sa akin si Maxl nang may ngisi sa mga labi niya, kitang-kita ko ang mga dimples niya at mga ngipin niyang nakalabas na.

“Gising na si Aki, love” tumango ako sa kanya at hinawakan ang kamay ko. “I love you” hinawakan niya ang ulo ko at inilapit iyon sa kanyang labi.

When Andy woke up, even though she couldn’t speak immediately, I could see the joy and happiness in her eyes when she saw that Aki was awake.

“I’m awake, Andy…sorry if I made you wait” Andy didn’t speak again but she hugged Aki slowly which made me smile more, I can’t just see this, I know there is still hope for both of them, sinisgurado ko na kagaya namin ni Maxl, magiging maayos din silang dalawa.

Maxl let go of me while Andy, Akari, Aki and I were talking, I looked at her because she came to the window again, Tito Benedict also peeked in and I saw him shaking his head.

“I think it will be worse now that you are awake, my nephew” he turned to Aki and Aki immediately lost the smile on her lips. “Mukhang pinapanood nga talaga nila tayo, alam nilang gising ka na”

“Kagabi pa ako nakakasinag ng liwanag sa katapat nating rooftop.” si Andy. Nilingon namin siyang lahat. “I just closed the curtain last night”

“Hindi tayo makakalabas dito kung marami sila.” si Akari naman ang tumayo at lumapit sa mesa at naroon ang kasing pistol na pinulot niya. “Alam natin ’yan kahit gising si Ate o hindi”

Tumango si Tito Benedict. “Handa na ba—”

“Yuko!” Maxl shouted and threw herself at Tito Benedict causing them to be go on the floor, that’s when I saw some gunshots. “Hide! Abby!” I could hear Maxl’s scream even though she was covering Tito Benedict’s body.

Aki pulled me to lie down with Andy, I was holding my head while the surroundings continued to shake and the gunshots hit the entire room.

“Akari!” naririnig ko ang sigaw ni Aki sa tabi ko, gumagalaw siya habang hawak niya ang ulo niya upang masilip kung nasaan si Akari. “Akari! Magtago ka!” dahan-dahan siyang gumagapang papunta sa dulo ng kama upang makasilip.

“Nandito lang ako, Ate!”

I remained hidden, holding Andy to cover him while I turned to Aki who was pulling something under the bed.

“Aki!” Andy shouted. “What are you doing?!” She looked at us before she quickly opened a long box that she struggled to take out completely. She took out the gun I knew, an AK-47, she pushed it to the other corner where Maxl and Tito Benedict were before starting to take another one and hand it to the other side again

“Aki, give them a gun!” Tito Benedict shouted. I pressed closer to Andy as they rained more and more bullets on us, others were hitting the wall next to us and making holes.

“Shit!”

“Maxl! Hide first!”

“Abby! Get out!” Aligagang hinawakan niya kami ni Andy, naglabas siya ng dalawang revolvers at pilit na pinahawak sa amin. “Andy! Makinig ka sa akin, lumabas na kayo!”

“Ano!? Hindi pwede!” si Andy na hinila pa ang damit ni Aki. “Hindi kita iiwan dito, hindi namin kayo iiwanan!”

Paulit-ulit na tumango si Aki sa kanya kitang kita ko pa rin ang taranta sa mga mata niya pero mas kita ko ang takot nang higitin na siya ni Andy.

“Andy” tawag ni Aki sa kanya. “Kapag ba natapos ito, pwede mo ba akong bigyan ng second chance?”

“Ano?” Nanlalaki ang mga mata kong nakatingin sa kanilang dalawa. Lalo na sa naging tanong na iyon ni Aki kay Andy.

“Please, give me another chance afte—”

“Siguraduhin mong maging masamang damo ka, kung hindi, wala kang matatanggap sa akin, naiintindihan mo?” mas hinigit ni Andy ang kwelyo ni Aki.

“Yeah” But it didn’t end there, I could see how Aki kissed Andy on the lips, it was very intense and it took a while before she walked away again.

“I will live, I promise you”

She grabbed Andy and me, helping us crawl towards the door, carefully opening it because the bullet was still hitting our place.

Nagmamadaling lumabas ni Andy, nagtago kami agad sa gilid ng pintuan na sobrang hingal na hingal.

“Aki, si Akari!” sigaw ni Andy sa tabi ng pintuan, pilit na sumisilip ngunit hindi niya magawa dahil kahit nasa labas na kami ng kwarto ay marami paring bala ang tumatagos at napupunta sa amin.

I gasped for the revolver I was holding, I checked how many bullets were there before I looked around again. My chest is pounding so hard, I don’t know where I’m going to end up. Pakiramdam ko hindi pa ito iyon.

Hinawakan ko si Andy na hinahawakan na rin ang hawak niyang baril. Nilingon niya ako ngunit pagkalingon niya sa akin ay saktong bumukas ang pintuan ng penthouse, nanlalaki ang mga mata namin ni Andy, napasok nila kami.

“OH FUCK!” Andy grabbed my collar and pulled me back inside with all her might because they were aiming their guns at us, just as we went back inside, their bullets rained down.

“Tangina!” Aki also looked at us in shock, now standing, shooting outside. Nilingon ako ni Maxl, kitang kita ko ang takot sa mga mata niya. “Pinasok nila tayo!”

Naging alerto ako, bago niya pa kami muling nalapitan ay muli kong hinarap ang pintuan, pinaputukan ko agad ng baril ang unang tao na lumabas doon, gumapang ako upang magtago sa gilid ng pintuan.

“Andy…” hingal na tawag ko kay Andy, tumango kaming dalawa sa isa’t-isa. Inihanda ko ang aking revolver bago muling lumingon sa labas at umasinta ng kalaban, isang putok lang iyon pero sinisigurado kong tatama sa puso o sa noo nila.

“Abby! Be careful please!” Maxl. “I can’t lose you again!”

“I will not lose!” I shouted back.

I kicked a man in the leg and when he bent down without a second thought I pointed the gun at his jaw and attached the butt of the revolver. Blood hit my face again but I didn’t pay attention.

I hid my body from the man I had knocked down before throwing myself on the table and knocking it over for protection. I raised my body again from where I was hiding and looked at the mule, I was hit twice, I had no one with me so I had to be alert.

“Oh shit” I cursed when I ran out of bullets. I slightly peeked at the other five people who were at the door, they couldn’t face the room because that would be the end of my companions.

I looked at the AKM gun from the man I shot in the jaw earlier. More ammo and I’ll get more if I shoot a lot of them.

“I’m out of bullets!” I heard Aki shout. “Andy! Fuck, Andy!” I got even more nervous when I heard Aki’s shout of Andy’s name again and again.

I quickly reached for the AKM and managed to hide before they fired at me again.

I gasped for the AKM, I looked at the magazine because it was still full. Catching the breath I made before I peeked over the edge of the table again, I saw that they were slowly getting closer to the room.

Isang malalim na hininga na naman ang pinakawalan ko. Bago ako buong lakas na tumayo at tinutuktok ko ang AKM sa kanila. I pressed the trigger of the AKM and shot them all, I even cleared my hand to make sure that none of them were left and that they would all be hit, I didn’t miss a beat as to how the blood would splash on the wall and how they would fall down slowly.

I stopped when I noticed that they were all dead. I took a deep breath before wiping my face, I feel so heavy again with what I’m doing but I have no choice, I have to do this thing to survive.

I lightly leaned against the wall while walking still holding the AKM gun, I didn’t care about the weight anymore, I feel like I just got used to it.

Nahihilo ako sa magkahalong amoy ng bala at dugo sa paligid ko. Natatapakan ko ang dugo papunta sa kwarto.

“Abby! Abby!” Naririnig ko ang sigaw ni Maxl, bumangga ako sa kanya nang papasok na ako. “Abby!” naramdaman ko ang paghawak niya sa akin. “Kaunti na lang…kaunti na lang, Abby”

Tumango ako nang dahan-dahan. “I know…kaunti na lang”

“It’s still not over, Abby…I haven’t seen Maxwell yet” SHe tightened his hold on me as I heard her struggling and heavy breathing in my ear. “This is where everything will end, there will be nothing left” she didn’t forget to kiss my forehead.

I slowly turned around the room, Akari was breathing on the floor, panting very much, Tito Benedict was at the window, sitting while Aki was holding and hugging Andy. I didn’t see any scars on all of them especially Andy so I could breathe better.

“Are you hurt?” si Maxl, nagging malayo ang mukha namin sa isa’t-isa. Mabilis akong umiling. “Don’t hurt until it’s over, okay?”

“Make sure you make it hard for me to walk after all this” kahit pagod na at nahihrapan, sumilay pa rin ang matamis na ngisi sa kanyang labi. “Don’t hurt yourself, Maxl”

“Yeah, I will give you hard fuck” hinalikan niya ang labi ko. “You’ll be mine when it’s all over”

“Mahalay ka na ngayon” hinaplos ko ang pisngi niya. “I love you, Maxl”

Nagtagal ang tingin niya sa akin, seryoso ngunit naroon pa rin ang pagkasabik sa akin. “I love you so much, Abby, always remember that”

Humigpit ang hawak ko sa kanyang kwelyo, alam kong ramdam niya iyon, pinakikiramdaman namin ang paligid dahil saglit silang naging tahimik.

“Maxl” si Tito Benedict. Hawak niya ang AK-47 at nakatanaw na naman sa labas ng bintana. “May bagong dating, nandito na si Maxwell”

Hinila na ako ni Maxl papasok ng kwarto, lumapit siya sa bintana habang ako ay tinulungan kong makabangon si Akari mula sa pagkakahiga, hinihingal pa rin siya.

“Akari” tawag ko at hinawakan ang likod niya. “Ayos ka lang ba? Nahihirapan kang huminga?”

“Akari!” Lumapit sa amin si Aki. She pulls something out of her pocket, my eyes widen, it’s an inhaler. Aki brought it closer to Akari’s mouth and here Akari was able to breathe, her breathing became fast until it became slow, she gradually calmed down.

“Akari can’t take it anymore” said Tito Benedict to which Maxl nodded.

“Uncle, you and Akari have left, go through the back house…the ones I called are coming” Maxl approached us. “No one will sacrifice anymore, once is enough” Dahan-dahan na binuhat ni Tito Benedict si Akari habang si Aki ay hindi na malaman kung anong gagawin niya.

“A-Ate, I am okay, huwag ka na sumama”

“P-Pero…Andy! Sumama ka sa kanila!” hinawakan niya si Andy, “Promise, I will live, I won’t disappoint you this time…”

“Are you sure?” si Andy. “Don’t broke your promise, Aki”

“Yeah…I won’t” When Aki kissed her on the lips I turned to Maxl, she was looking at Aki and Andy before turning her gaze to me.

“Abby, please” Andy and I reached for each other’s hands. “I love you…please”

“I love you too…take care especially of yourself, Andy, don’t make another excuse for Rico and I to worry”

Tumango siya nang paulit-ulit bago ako binitawan. “I won’t, promise”

Umalis silang apat, hinatid ni Aki sila Tito sa likod habang kaming dalawa ni Maxl ay naiwanan.

“Anong plano? Nandito na si Maxwell…” masuyong tanong ko. Ayokong madagdagan ang galit niya dahil kita ko na ang pamumula ng mga mata niya.

Gumalaw siya, nilapitan niya ang malaking kahon na hinihila ni Aki kanina sa ilalim ng kama. Kumuha siya ng mga bala roon at nilagay sa magazine ng AK-47 na hawak niya, umangat ang tingin niya sa akin.

“Ready?”

“I am ready” I turned around outside the room when I heard the front door open again, so loud it sounded like the door was broken.

“He’s here,  you want to hide?” I shook my head. She stood up and cocked the AK-47. “Be ready…huli na ito.”

“Maxl!” rinig kong sigaw nito. Kung anong boses niya noong nakita ko siya at kung paano niya pagsalitaan sina Maxl at Maxcil ay ganon din ang boses niya. Mas naging nakakahindik pa ngayon. “Sinigurado kong mababawi ko lahat ng ginawa mo sa akin! HIndi ka na makakatakas at isusunod ko ang pamilya mo!”

HIndi nagsalita si Maxl, naglakad siya malayo siya sa akin pero sapat na iyon para mas masilayan ko pa siya. Humigpit ang hawak ko sa AKM na hawak ko, parang iwas na iwas akong makagawa ng ingay.

“Tatapusin ko ngayon gabi, walang matitira sa lahi mo!” muling sigaw pa nito.

Maxl and I both moved our eyes when we heard a lot of footsteps coming towards where we both were.

Maxl quickly overturned the cabinet and pulled me into it.

“We can do it, Abby, just hold on…and I’m sorry”

We bent down and laid our two bodies there even more. The cabinet was big but I knew we wouldn’t survive if there were so many people raining bullets on us.

“Hindi ka na sisikatan ng araw”

“O-Oh shit!” niyakap ako ni Maxl nang magsimula na namin kaming ulanin ng bala, pilit niyang siniksik ang katawan ko sa kanya at pilit na siniksik ang katawan namin. Malalakas na tunog ng bala ang naririnig ko na naman sa paligid, bumabagsak na ang ilang abo at ilang sirang pader sa pwesto namin.

I looked a little at what Maxl was doing, I saw that she took out a grenade from her pocket, my eyes widened even though I wanted to close my eyes because they were still shooting at us without stopping, I was getting burned by some hot bullets falling on my body, hindi ko magawang indahin kahit sobrang sakit na.

Nilingon ako ni Maxl, hinawakan ko naman ang kwelyo niya habang tumitingin kami sa granadang hawak niya.

“Let’s jump when I throw it at them”

Napalunok ako at hindi na nakapagsalita pa, ito na naman yung pangalawang beses na matatakot sa granada. Pero sisiguraduhin kong kapag sumabog ang granada ay kasama ko si Maxl.

Gradually they stopped shooting at us so I felt the surroundings more, I turned to the side of the cabinet with a piece of glass so I could see Maxwell enter with some of his companion.

“There are so many of them” I softly whispered to Maxl. “Our bullets can’t take it anymore” she nodded at me. “Are you ready?”

“Yeah”

“Maxl” Maxwell called her name again. “Why don’t you just show up”

Humigpit ang hawa ko sa kamay ni Maxl habang hawak pa rin niya ang granada. Sh took a deep breath before turning to me and grabbing the grenade’s safety pin. I nodded to her, making sure it was okay, I was ready for what she would do.

“Show yourself! Wal-” She quickly pulled the safety pin and threw it at the door where Maxwell was.

“Abby!” She pulled me upright and hugged me, we jumped but first Maxl hit her body on the glass window for us to get out. She hugged me tighter when it exploded inside, there were repeated explosions and I didn’t realize that we had fallen to the grass.

Maxl caught me, she still hugged me even though her back pain was too much.

“M-Maxl!” Bumangon ako sa ibabaw niya, tinitignan ko siya pero nakatingin na siya sa akin. “M-Maxl…”

“I-I’m fine…” Tinulungan ko siyang makaupo bago kami tuluyang tumayo, iniakbay ko ang kanyang braso sa akin para tulungan siyang makalakad. “A-Are you fine?”

“Y-Yeah” I tried not to cry because I could see the pain in her eyes and face. That second floor is so high that I know it hurts more than mine. Hinawakan ko ang katawan niya upang mas makalakad pa siya nang mas maayos.

“ Abby“ she whispered softly in my ear.

“W-What?” I looked up at her but she wasn’t looking at me so I followed what she was looking at and my eyes widened when I saw Maxwell walking out of the broken door.

His body and face were full of blood, his appearance was also very black because of that explosion, one of his hands was burnt. We stopped walking when Maxwell stopped because his eyes found Maxl, I could see how he smiled even though his face was covered in blood and burn.

“O-Oh…” sambit nito. Pagewang-gewa ang naging lakad nito. “Maxl…Hindi ka talaga mamamatay”

Nanatiling tahimik si Maxl sa kanya, pinapakinggan at pinapanood lang niya ito habang naglalakad. Humigpit ang hawak ko kay Maxl, kinakabahan ako sa pwedeng mangyari, kaming dalawa na lang at hindi ko alam kung may natitira pa bang kasamahan si Maxwell.

“It’s over, Abby, it’s over” she moved, she raised her hand that was now holding the pistol, wordlessly she pulled the trigger causing me to shiver. “It’s over, Abby…” ulit niya at ngayon matamis nang nakangiti sa akin.

Chapter 37

I looked at the vast ocean, feeling the strong and fresh wind hitting my body. The environment is very comfortable, quiet and I can only hear the chirping of birds flying. Some boat in the middle of the ocean and some children swimming and playing on the side.

I took a deep breath, a smirk on my lips before I turned my back on the beautiful ocean. The strong wind was still there hitting my body so I became even more free and comfortable.

Ang tagal kong hinintay na maramdaman ito sa buong buhay ko. Pagkatapos lahat.

I walked again, I needed to go back to prepare breakfast, I was also hungry and I had spent too much time watching the sunrise and the ocean. Since I came to Isla Vista, my life has become more peaceful, I have seen more and more the good things that were the result of my sacrifices.

I know that all my sacrifices will be rewarded with something good, I always hope for that even though sometimes it is painful for me to make sacrifices. I still do it because I have to, I still do it for a good outcome and desire.

Hindi ako nagkamali, hinding-hindi ako magkakamali at nagsisi sa lahat ng ginawa ko.

When I reached the house made of big wood, I immediately smiled, I also saw my dog ​​Dea, a golden retriever waiting for me outside, she also sat on the soft bed I bought and stood up when she saw me.

She barked.

“Dea, I’m sorry I just came” I said softly as I approached her. Nilapitan niya rin ako at inabot ako sa aking tyan. “Sabay tayong mag-breakfast…” tumahol siya muli. Hinawakan ko siya nang hinawakan at nilambing, hindi rin ako nakalimot na halikan ang noo niya. “Tara”

Binuksan ko ang pintuan, pinauna kong pumasok si Dea bago ako dumiretso sa kusina, naglabas ako ng egg at hotdog nilabas ko rin ang natirang kanin ko kagabi.

“Dea, magluluto muna ako ng breakfast ko, sabay na tayo ha?” Inangat ni Dea ang  katawan niya at muling iniyakap sa akin ang dalawang kamay niya bago tumahol. “Good girl, baby…I love you”

Tumahol siya nang apat beses. Alam kong sinasabi niya ang “I love you too” sa akin sa paraan niyang ganoon.

I was quietly making my breakfast, Dea was quiet at my feet, she was lying down with her head resting on my feet. I smiled looking at her while she was moving her tail. When I finished, I put my breakfast on my table and I took Dea’s dogfood and put it in her plate and cup, I give her goat’s milk that I bought for her.

“Drink your milk, okay? You need it because it’s breakfast” Tumahol siya nang isang beses. Umupo na ako, nagdasal ako bago kumain at sinasabayan ako ni Dea dahil nakayuko na rin siya. “Okay, baby, eat na!”

We also eat together, I look and watch her while she eats because sometimes she also looks at me, she is always like that, she is very gentle and sweet to me which in turn gives me a happier and lighter feeling.

After we ate, I put my food away before Dea’s, she was just looking at me while her tail was moving. Nakangiti rin siya sa akin.

“Gusto mo bang maligo, Dea?” Tanong ko habang nagpupunas ng plato. “Magaan ang panahon ngayon, gusto mo ba?”

Tumahol siya, umiikot ikot siya sa harap ko habang gumagalaw pa rin ang buntot niya.

“Sige, maliligo ka”

Muli na naman siyang tumahol at umikot-ikot. Mas lalong lumawak ang ngiti ko sabay abot sa kanya at hinaplos siya, lumuhod ako para magawa niyang halikan ako at madilaan.

“Tara na”

Lumabas kami sa likod bahay, may maliit akong garden na ginawa roon, may fish pond at may alaga rin akong tatlong manok na pinakain ko rin bago ko pinaliguan si Dea sa gilid ng bakod.

I’ve been happily doing this for three years, somehow I’m not lacking for myself, I enjoy being alone. I’m also happy doing things that I find difficult to do because of other things, I’m able to take care of my animals, fishing and working in the city.

I already have my own savings but I still continue to work and travel to the company when needed, I have saved a lot but I don’t want to stop working yet. Kailangan ko rin talagang ibalanse ang sarili kong buhay sa buhay trabaho ko.

I caressed Dea again after wiping her, she was turning around again while smiling at me. I let her play with my chickens who were also just walking in the garden. That’s what she plays with when I’m not around, I’m even planning to buy a cat para naman sa bahay ay may nakakasama at nakakalaro siya.

Muli akong lumingon sa karagatan, maayos na ito masisilayan ko pa rin ang karagatan mula sa likod bahay ko.

Ito yung mga hindi ko pinangarap pero nandito ako ngayon, nandito at nagbibigay sa akin ng ligaya.

I went inside to take a shower, I was already getting hot because of what I did with Dea. After I took a shower I went out, I took the medicine and looked at it, I sighed and looked at myself in the mirror.

Clomiphene 50g

My menstruation cycle has been irregular for a long time, I wasn’t aware and I wasn’t able to pay attention to the amount of things that happened then, even though I was stressed, even though it was traumatic and everything, I wasn’t able to pay attention to my own health.

My situation is that I treat irregular or adsent ovulation so that I can produce an egg, so that I can get pregnant.

That’s why I couldn’t get pregnant because I was irregular and I wouldn’t produce an egg, I don’t ovulating. I need to this treatment and drink this medicine for me th got a chance to got pregnant.

I know there is hope, I know I will get better. I have to take care of myself and my body.

Umupo ako sa kama pagkainom ko ng gamot ko, sumandal ako at muling  pinakiramdaman ang sarili ko. Maayos naman ako habang tinatake ko ang medication ko kaso I don’t have regular sex while taking Clomiphene.

I followed all the doctor’s advice, I take care of myself, I don’t do things I’m not allowed to while I’m taking my medicine but there’s only one thing I can’t do if I want to try to see if I’m pregnant or will got pregnant and that’s to have sex.

I need to take care of myself, I need to be well.

After I rested, I went out of the house again, I wanted to get some fresh air where I was before, I wanted to watch the ocean more clearly again.

While I was walking, many people greeted me and smiled at me, other old and young people even waved at me at hindi rin ako nakalimot at nagulang  na gumanti sa kanila ng bati at kaway. Nakakasama ko rin naman sila minsan at nakakausap lalo na kapag may festival dito sa Isla Vista.

I sighed with a smile on my face when I reached my favorite spot near the ocean, a spot with wooden chairs and a table in front. Here I can see the beauty of the surroundings and the ocean, clear skies and birds flying freely.

I sat there and watched the water flow and wave again. Sumisiinghap ako para sa preskong simoy ng hangin na nanggagaling sa dagat.

Tahimik akong tumatanaw at nanonood nang may umupo sa tabi ko.

“Sorry, ngayon lang ako nagpakita…”

I looked at the person who spoke, I was surprised but I didn’t show it, I wanted to cry but I didn’t and I knew all that was because of joy.

“Elijah” masayang tawag ko. “Dito lang din pala kita makikita…”

She quietly reached for my hand that was resting on the table, she smiled a little at me.

“I’m happy to see you…I’m so happy to see you so peaceful now” hinawakan ko pabalik ang kanyang kamay. Humilig ako sa balikat niya at ipinatong  naman niya ang ulo niya sa akin. “I am sorry, It took me five years before I showed up” I shook my head on her shoulder and caressed her hand that I was holding.

“It hurts us that you didn’t show up right away but what hurts us more is the reason why you were able to leave us” Pumikit ako, ayokong umiyak kahit gustong-gusto ko na dahil sa tuwa nang makita ko siya.

“Handa na ako ulit magpakita…hinding-hindi na ako mawawala ulit, pangako”

Nanatili kami sa ganoong posisyon, tinatamaw ang karagatan at magandang kalangitan. Hindi na kami muling nag usao pa, alam ko na at alam niya na rin ang pagitan naming dalawa. Hinding-hindi ko o namin ipaparamdam sa kanya na mali ang ginawa niya, walang mali, oo iniwan niya kami pero kung wala naman kaming magagawa kung hindi siya lalayo, mas magiging mahirap iyon para sa kanya.

Dahil pamilya rin ang dahilan ng paglayo niya.

Sumama sa akin si Elijah sa bahay, tahimik niyang nilapitan si Dea na tahimik pero naging mabait sa kanya. Nilingon niya ako nang makita akong naghahanda ng mga plato at baso.

“Let me help you”

I watched her place plates, spoons, forks and glasses on the table. I smiled a little. A lot has changed in her, she is no longer that Elijah who is so loud and happy, the new thing about her now is that she is serious and calm. Unlike before. Her aura is so out of the line.

Nang magtama ang mga mata namin ay hindi ko inalis ang ngiti ko, nakita ko ang kalmadong pagngitti niya na naging dahilan upang maging magaan ang pakiramdam ko.

“Let’s eat” siya ang kumuha sa kalderong hawak ko at nilapag iyon sa table. Nilagyan niya ng kanin at ulam ang mga plato namin. Habang ako ay nilagyan ko ng pagkain si Dea. “What’s her name?”

“Dea”

“Dea, you’re so pretty” malambing na sambit niya kay Dea, tumigil si Dea sa pagkain at tumahol kay Elijah ng may ngiti. “Good girl” bumalik na muli si Dea sa pagkain.

Elijah and I were silent again, only the sound of plates, spoons and forks could be heard. She looks at me sometimes but immediately looks away when she is eating.

I know she also wants to ask, wants to ask why I’m here alone.

Tapos na akong kumain, binaba at pinagdikit ko ang kutsar’t tinidor ko bago ko siya narinigg na nagsalita.

“Why you are alone, Abby?” Our eyes met when she looked up, her lips moved, looked down again and looked up again before continuing. “Where’s Maxl?”

I stared at her for a while and she looked at me the same way, serious and calm but I could see the worry in her eyes.

“We…” mahinang sambit ko. “We decided to take a breath…and she is still recovering in London with Maxcil”

Napadila siya sa kanyang labi at muling nagpatuloy sa pagkain. “When?”

“Maybe this year…babalik na siya”

I smiled bitterly when I remembered everything we talked about after what happened to Maxwell.

FLASHBACK

I look at her unconscious again lying in the hospital bed, she looks so peaceful but I know when she wakes up she won’t like everything she finds out.

“A-Ate, what did you say?” I asked Ate Amanda again, she was crying. “Repeat what you said” pigil na pigil ako sa sarili ko kahit na patuloy ang  mga luha na umaagos sa aking mga mata.

“T-Tita Kristine…i-is d-dead” Nanlalaki ang mga mata ko, sumakit ang dibdib ko at lalo akong naiyak. “T-They were attacked in London… while you are being attacked here…I-I’m sorry” mas lumalakas ang iyak at hagulgol ni Ate Amanda.

Naririnig ko na ring umiiyak si Aki sa sofa. Napaupo ako sa upuan sa tabi ni Maxl, nanginginig ang mga kamay kong inabot ang kamay niya.

I started crying when I brought my lips to her hand. “I-I’m sorry…Maxl” my cry got louder no matter how much I tried to hold back I couldn’t do it anymore, I cried so hard while holding her.

Umiyak ako nang umiyak kahit nahihirapan na akong huminga patuloy pa rin ako, patuloy akong humihinga ng tawad kay Maxl kahit alam kong hindi niya ako maririnig.

Akala ko tapos na ang lahat, iyon pala, literal na tinapos ni Maxwell ang lahat, ang mismong asawa niya pa. Para lang sa pera at yaman.

Napayuko na lang ako habang umiiyak, ayokong tumigil dahil kahit naman tumigil ako, alam kong kung anong nagawa ko noon kay maxl, magagawa niya rin kapag nagising na siya at nalaman niya ang lahat.

I just want her to be happy always, I want her to be happy but fate gives her or us something else. It seems like everything that Maxl has done that is good, the replacement is still bad or worse. Because she is so good, she puts other people before herself but this is what she will experience anyway.

Ate Amanda’s crying and moaning got louder, Aki came closer to her but the two of them just cried even more, without stopping, I didn’t think it would be us again, I know will never go away.

Hindi ko alam kung anong oras na akong tapos umiyak at humingi ng tawad kay Maxl, patuloy akong humihinga ng tawad na para bang mababawasan ang lahat ng sakit kapag nagising na siya. But the truth is no, it will only get worse.

I have never talked to Ate Amanda better, I wanted to ask but I couldn’t, I couldn’t say anything, I couldn’t speak because even I was shocked and hurt.

I looked at myself in the mirror, my eyes were very red and there were still tears, no matter what I tried to do, I still couldn’t, I really really cried no matter what happened. I just sat on the edge of the door, crying, covering my mouth so Maxl couldn’t hear my crying because it was late, I didn’t want her to wake up.

I can’t do anything again so all I do is cry just like I used to, crying to everyone and everything.

The next morning I just woke up because someone was holding me, I slowly opened my eyes and that’s all I was shocked to see Maxl’s whole face covered with worry.

“Abby, why are you here? Why did you sleep here?” Even though it was very early and I had just woken up, I managed to cry to her again. She picked me up completely and we went out of the bathroom.

Maxl is awake, she is awake but everything still can’t be changed, she will know and know what she should know.

Habang buhay niya ako ay umiiyak ako at humahagulgol. Sobra talaga akong nasasaktan para sa kanya, pakiramdam ko ako pa ’yung biktima sa lahat at puno’t dulo ng lahat ng ito.

Masuyo niya akong inilapag sa hospital bed. HInirap niya ako at hinawakan.

“Baby, why are you crying? Anong problema? Anong masakit sa’yo?” masuyo at malambing ang mga salitang pinakawalan niya. I cried and sobbed again, those are the words I know I will never hear again when she finds out what happened to her Mommy, I will never again see her cheerful, I will never again hear her sweet voice and tenderness to me.

She didn’t speak again, hugged me and held me in her arms. I don’t know why I can’t calm down, I can’t be at peace even when she hugs and holds me.

“Maxl?” narinig ko ang boses ni Ate Amanda. “M-Maxl!”

“Abby” si Aki ang narinig ko, nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya at parehas na parehas sila ng itsura ngayon ni Ate Amanda, balot na balot ng kaba at takot ang mga mukha naming nakatingin sa isa’t-isa.

My heart feels like it’s going to be broken, like a glass.

“Ate, why Abby is crying and sleeping in the bathroom?” si Maxl. “And why are you looking at me like that?” kita kong napayuko si Ate Amanda. “Ate? Anong problema? Is Maxwell still alive? I see she’s dead, I shot him myself”

Muli kong nararamdaman ang paghawak niya sa akin, bumaba ang tingin niya sa akin na may pag-aalala. “Baby, tell me what’s hurt and wrong, you are not okay” She caresses my back. “It’s better that you get checked up too—”

“Maxl” Ate Amanda said “M-Maxl, I-I have something to tell you” I saw how Maxl’s expression changed before she looked away from me and turned to Ate Amanda.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong? It’s not that you’re looking at me like I’m a different person”

“T-Tita Amanda…”

“What about Mommy? And Maxcil?” Mas lalo akong nanahimik nang magbago ang tono ng boses niya, nagawa na niya akong bitawan at lumapit kay Ate Amanda, si Aki ay tumalikod hawak-hawak niya ang kanyang mukha.

“Ate, tell me” hinawakan na ni Maxl ang magkabilang balikat ni Ate Amanda. “Why are you crying? Tell me what—”

“T-Tita is..is d-dead, M-Maxl”

My world almost collapsed when I saw how she cried, how she was so angry in front of us, how she was able to scream with so much pain in her chest, her sorrows were full of pain and regret.

My heart is broken listening to her screams and cries, her cries that she hid for a long time and only now I was able to see and hear, only now did I see how she lost herself because of what she heard, I see I know how to abandon us.

I couldn’t get close to her because even me she was able to push me away, she was able to push me not to hold heer and hug her, it’s true that even I myself and even my hugs that she loves can’t last with all the bad feelings and pain she has.

Kahit ako mismo, hindi siya mapapagaan.

I couldn’t do anything but cry while watching her cry and upset everything, she wanted to hurt now, she wanted to erase everything but literally all of that was gone. Wala na lahat ng sakripisyo niya dahil lang sa asawa ng Mommy niya, sa tatay ng kapatid niya at sa mismong Tatay na hindi nagawang magpakatatay at magpakaasawa sa kanila

If it was painful to see her cry and hurt when she found out that Tita Kristine was gone, it was even more painful when she almost didn’t recognize me at all. She was no longer able to see me by her side, she was no longer able to talk to me or even look at me.

Tuluyan na niya kaming nakalimutan sa tabi niya.

“M-Maxl…eat now” I gave her with her favourite chao fan with siomai. She didn’t look at me so I looked at the photo she was holding, I smiled bitterly because it was Tita Kristine, Tita Kristine happily posing in front of the Paris Tower, her smile was so beautiful. At alam kong si Maxl din ang kumuha noon sa kanya.

She captures all the good memories in her life, capturing all the hearts that gave her happiness, strength and peace, she never forgets to capture them.

I just bowed down when I saw that her tears were falling in the photo, I bit my lips, trying not to cry even though my heart was crying so much. I couldn’t hold her because I knew at that time I wasn’t holding what she wanted, we weren’t what she needed, we weren’t the ones who could ease her feelings.

“W-Why does everything I capture disappear from my life?” I covered my eyes because I started crying. “I-I don’t know if I can fix myself.”

“I-I want is to breathe and I-I want to disappear like Mommy”

I can’t stop her and even more I won’t stop her from what she will decide for herself and to fix myself, now I know that she has to fix herself without me. Nagawa niya akong pagbigyan noon at magagawa ko ring palayain at pagbigyan ngayon. Ako naman ang magbibigay sa kanya ng kailangan niya at nararapat para sa kanya.

“T-Then take a breath, get out of here, put yourself first” tanging nasabi ko. Gusto ko siyang hawakan pero hindi ko magawa. “L-Leave here”

This is the only thing I can give her, it’s not even enough so I’ll let her do whatever she decides, I’ll let her because she was able to sacrifice for me before.

I smiled a little at her as I watched her pull her suitcase, she was holding it but still seemed to be preventing her from leaving. Even so, I can still see the pain and loss in her eyes. Those eyes are also very eager for her to leave here and see her Mommy even though she is no longer alive.

“Rest, Maxl, I hope that at least a little bit, you will be able to build yourself up…” I gently told her. She just looked at me, those looks were painful because I knew they were full of bitterness and pain. “Take care take care of yourself, sana kahit papaano kahit gaano pa katagal magawa ninyong makabawi ni Maxcil,at pakisabi kay Tita, pasensya na kung hindi ko siya madadalaw ngayon, condolences, Maxl”

Pigil na pigil ang iyak ko habang nagsasalita, pigil na ang sarili kong huwag akong mautal dahil kapag nangyari iyon alam kong tuluyan akong maiiyak.

Nasa tabi niya si Ate Amanda na nakayuko, hindi makatingin sa akin dahil maiiyak na rin siya. Naramdaman kong may humawak sa akin at nang lingunin ko ay si Andy iyon nasa likod niya si Aki.

“Sige na, Maxl, mag-iingat ka palagi at pasensya na…sa lahat”

Tumalikod ako at yumakap kay Andy at umiiyak na nang marinig ko siyang magsalita.

“I hope you can wait for me”

END OF FLASHBACK

“Oh, you’ve been waiting for three years,” said Elijah, she finished eating so she turned her attention to me. “The love between you and Maxl is so innocent that I don’t know why always end up in this situation”

Maliit akong ngumiti sa kanya.

“I hope it’s too late, I hope everything will be fine when she returns”

Makakapaghintay ako kahit gaano pa katagal basta gusto ko maging maayos ang lahat sa kanya, sana maayos siya ngayong hindi ko siya kasama sa loob ng tatlong taon.

Kahit pa hindi natuloy ang kasal namin sa usapan naming tatlong taon alam kong may kapalit na maganda iyon, alam kong matutuloy pa rin lahat ng pangako at pangarap namin sa isa’t-isa. Lagi kong hihintayin ang mga iyon hanggang sa matupad namin nang walang abala at wala ng problema pa.

“Pwede ba akong makitulog ngayong gabi rito?” si Elijah. “Kung pwede, ayos lang kung hindi”

“Ayos lang, bakit naman hindi ako papayag.” Tinawanan niya ako. “May isa pa naman akong kwarto rito”

Elijah helped me all day and even until the night we just talked and she helped me cook, I couldn’t ask her what happened to her, maybe she can’t tell everything yet because based on what I can see it looks heavy she still feels really heavy.

“Goodnight, Ej”

“Goodnight, Abby, thank you today”

Kinaumagahan ay late akong nagising, sobrang liwanag na sa labas nang magising ako, nariirnig ko na rin ang ingay ng mga manok ko at ang tahol ni Dea, naririnig ko rin ang boses ni Dea na pinapatigil ito.

Pagod na bumangon ako sa kama ko, masyado na silang maingay, hindi naman sila ganito noon, ngayon lang talaga. Si Dea naman ay ang tahol niya ay parang galit na galit talaga pero naisip ko hindi naman siya galit kay Ej kagabi.

I wiped my eyes as I left the room, I don’t have a second floor so I can actually hear Dea’s barking more from the living room.

“Dea!” I called but she just kept barking so I hurried closer to the living room. “Elijah—”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang makita kong hindi lang si Elijah ang nasa sala at mas lalong hindi si Elijah ang tinatahulan ni Dea kundi si Maxl. Maxl looking at me, serious but calm.

Elijah exchanged glances with us.

She’s here again, she’s back and she’s back to me. And I was able to wait for her. Her eyes were so eager, her eyes were more alive than when she left.

“I’m back…”

Chapter 38

This is the second time I felt revived, if I was very peaceful during the three years waiting for her, I became even more peaceful when I felt all my suffering replaced by her coming back.

“Abby, aalis na ako” si Ej. “Dalaw na lang ako mamayang tanghali.” Nilingon siya ni Maxl kaya napalingon din siya rito.

“You can stay here, Ej”

“No, baby time na, tatlong taon na walang baby time si Abby, maawa ka”

Binabawi ko na ang sinabi kong nagbago na siya, naroon pa rin ang pagiging maloko niya at dali-daling lumabas ng bahay sabay sarado ng pintuan. Kumaway pa siya sa amin bago tuluyang umalis.

Binalot kami ng katahimikan ni Maxl, maliit ko siyang nginitian bago ako lumuhod upang hawakan si Dea at kausapin dahil hindi pa rin siya tumitigil sa pagtahol kay Maxl.

“Dea, huwag mo na siyang tahulan, siya si Maxl” nilingon ako ni Dea, tumigil na siya at inangat niya ang kamay niya pinatong sa aking braso, iyon ang way ng pagsosorry niya kapag pinagsasabihan ko siya. “Say sorry, baby”

Lumingon muli si Dea kay Maxl na kanina pa kami pinapanood. Tumahol si Dea muli kay Maxl pero kalmado na ito at hindi na galit.

“It’s okay, Dea” si Maxl, lumuhod din siya sa harap namin. “Come here” inilahad pa niya ang dalawang kamay niya na pinapakita niyang sasalubungin niya si Dea.

Lumapit sa kanya si Dea na ngayon ay masaya na, gumagalaw na ang buntot niya at nakangiti. Wala sa sariling napangiti na rin ako dahil naging malambing din ag paghawak sa kanya ni Maxl, naging masuyo at kita ko namang nagustuhan nila agad ang isa’t-isa.

I stood up and saw how Maxl looked up at me, she hurriedly stood up.

“W-Where are you going? Are you going to buy breakfast?” My lips moved that was the second time I heard her stutter and I was here in front of her again. “I bought breakfast in the city…hotsilog”

Nilingon ko siya dahil nakatalikod na ako sa kanya nang makatayo ako. Tinitignan ko siya, bakas na bakas sa mukha niya ang kaba nguniti hindi ko alam kung saan niya nakukuha iyon.

Did I make her feel that she should be nervous? Nothing because apart from Elijah, I also told Dea to get to know her.

“What do you want? Coffee or milk?” Tanong ko. I noticed the plastic bag she was carrying, I also saw behind her large suitcases and three bags stacked on top of each other.

“Ito ’yung binili ko” Tinaas niya ang hawak niyang plastik bag. “And I want coffee, is that okay?”

“It’s okay, Don’t worry”

Naghanda ako at pagtimpla ko siya ng kape habang ako ay gatas ang gusto. Tahimik kaming dalawa, hindi ko alam kung anong ginagawa niya dahil nakatalikod na ako sa counter kung saan hinahalo ko ang kapeng gusto niya.

Nang matapos ako ay nilingon ko siya. Nakatingin siya sa lahat ng litratong nakasabit sa sala, si Dea ay nasa tabi pa rin niya, gumagalaw ang buntot. Those photos include our family photo, a photo of me with Andy, Rico and Elijah, a photo with my cousins, and the three photos of me and Maxl. Marami pa iyon pero hindi ko na nagawang isabit pa.

I left a lot of photos with her, I used to take pictures of her without her knowing and I used to do it secretly.

Her eyes moved until they passed the photo of her and me, I knew she was crying because she opened and closed her eyes again and again. Kitang-kita ko rin na pinunasan ang mga mata niya bago muling lumingon sa akin, nagulat pa siya dahil nakatingin na ako sa kanya pero agad din siyang nakabawi.

“I’ve made coffee, let’s eat” She immediately came to me, put down the plastic bag she was carrying and took out the Styrofoam food container and spoons and forks.

“Elijah has already fed Dea” she said gently. I nodded and helped her open the containers before I sat down, she sat down in front of me, giving me a few glances because she probably noticed that I wasn’t looking at her.

If only she knew, I was so happy when I saw her, I’m so happy now because I’m with her but I know that sometimes it’s not normal for us to talk right away especially since we haven’t seen each other for three years… met and got together.

Kumain kaming dalawa nang tahimik, pinaoakiramdaman ang isa’t-isa, pa minsan-minsam ay tinatapunan ko siya ng tingin nang hindi siya nakatingin sa akin dahil abala siya sa pagkain.

Masarap ang nabili miyang hotsilog bagay na iyon ang gusto kong timpla talaga lalo na ang sinangag. Namiss ko kumain ng ganito lalo na kapag kasabay ko siya.

Nauna siyang natapos kumain sa akin kaya muli na naman akong kinabahan, pinapanood niya akong kumain at kung minsan ay abala siya kay Dea na hindi na ako nilapitan dahil kay Maxl ito nakadikit.

Hindi kami nagsasalita pero ang mga mata namin ay sobrang nagtatagal sa isa’t-isa, hindi ki alam kung dapat ba kaming mag usap ulit o hayaan na muna namin ang isa’t-isa na mag-adjust muli. Wala namang masama, gusto ko ring malaman kung ano ulit ang naging buhay niya sa London, kung kumusta na rin si Maxcil.

Dadalawin ko si Tita Kristine sa susunod na taon.

Tumayo siya at kinuha ang mga pinagkainan namin, tinapon niya iyon sa basurahan na nasa ilalim ng lababo, ang mga tasa naman namin ay diniretso niya sa lababo at hinugasan.

“We can talk about what your life was like in London some other time…there’s no need to rush, right?”

I saw how she stopped washing a little, she turned her back to me so I could see her freely. She continued to wash again but before I could speak again she spoke.

“We’re not in a hurry…we don’t need to hurry again” Malumanay ngunit siguradong-sigurado na.

“I hope this is the last time we will be sure for each other” I said.

“I’m sorry because I left so many promises and leave you here” Napababa ako ng tingin, nagsisimula na namang mamasa ang mga mata ko. “I always have to leave para lang maging maayos tayo o ako…I’m sorry if I’m always gone”

“Don’t be sor—”

“It took me three years to come back, that’s not good for you” Naririnig ko na muli ang malalalim niyang hininga. “I know that’s never the right thing for a partner to do but I still managed to do it, again”

I slowly stood up and approached her. I put my head on her back. She is crying, not loud cries but I can feel the bitterness and pain again.

“I-I don’t know what else to say, I don’t want to speak because I might not be able to fulfill it again”

Umiling ako sa likod niya. Paulit-ulit kong ginawa iyon.

“You were the first to sacrifice for us” I closed my eyes. “If you were able to sacrifice for me then, I can also sacrifice for you. It’s not because I had no choice but because my choice was my love for you that’s why I did that to you”

Tuluyan na siyang umiyak at humagulgol, nakapikit pa rin ako at tuluyan ko na siyang niyakap mula sa likod.

“I’m at peace for the three years that I’m not with you, I’m at peace because I know you’ll come back, I know you won’t forget me, I know you won’t forget all your promises and dreams for us. I’m at peace dahil ganoon ako kasigurado para sa atin at sa’yo”

Gumalaw siya paharap sa akin at tuluyan niya akong kinulong sa bisig niya. Sobrang higpit, sobrang tamis at sobrang pangungulila ang nararamdaman ko sa bisig niya pero alam ko sa sarili ko na kahit anong klaseng yakap at hawak niya ang ibigay sa akin, matutuwa at masaya pa rin ang puso ko. Sobrang masaya pa rin ang puso ko para sa kanya, dahil sa kanya.

Pumikit ako at napaiyak na rin habang pinapakinggan ang mga iyak at hagulgol niya, magkahalong sakit at saya na ngayon ang mga iyon. Alam ko, alam na alam ko dahil hindi siya mahirap pakiramdaman, hindi siya mahirap maramdaman.

Binaon niya ang mukha ko sa balikat niya, ang mga labi niya ay nasa buhok ko, nararamdaman ko ang ilang halik na binibigay niya roon.

“I’m sorry…really…” It was difficult for her to talk because she was slowly stopping from crying. “I’m fine, Abby…so I’m sorry if I didn’t come back right away, I hope you’ll forgive me.”

I shook my head again.

“I don’t need to forgive you because it’s not your fault, it’s not your fault and I’m not even mad because you didn’t come back right away”

Muli kong naramdaman ang matagal niyang paghalik sa buhok ko.

“Mahal na mahal kita…I still want to apologize even if you don’t forgive me or don’t listen to me” Humalik siya muli sa buhok ko. “Let’s get married, Abby”

May ngisi sa labi ang naging pagtango ko nang paulit-ulit.

“Let’s get married…”

Maxl and I stayed in such a position kung hindi pa tumahol si Dea ay hindi namin palalayain ang isa’t-isa.  I don’t want to let her go, I miss her presence so much and her arms full of love and gentle for me.

“Cna you help me with my things? and also how to take care of your fish and your chicken at the back” Inabot niya ang kamay ko, itinaas at idinikit sa kanyang labi. “I also want to live peacefully with it again”

Matamis akong ngumiti sa kanya habang ang mga mata niya ay namumungay na nakatingin sa akin. Pinapanood ako.

“Sure, tara sa labas tayo, hindi pa kumakain ang mga alaga ko. Gusto na ring lumabas ni Dea” si Dea naman ay tumahol at nauna pa sa back door. “Tara”

I saw that her face became more at peace and relaxed when she saw the garden behind the house, including the ocean view from here. I let her feel the fresh air hitting her body, let her watch the waves of the ocean and watch me how to fed my fish and chickens.

“This is where I want to build a family with you” She approached me again, wrapping her arm around my waist. “Let’s just stay here, Abby”

I laughed a little. But I remembered my situation.

“I have something to tell you” I said. She nodded at me. “I have Infertility…”

I waited for the reaction on her face but her remained calm. “And I’m taking clomiphene now for me to produce eggs and for me to get pregnant” she nodded, kissing my lips sweetly. “The only doctor’s advice I didn’t do was to have regular sex, so I don’t know if even if I take medicine I will get pregnant”

“We can try…” Muli niyang hinalikan ang labi ko. “Sorry, I didn’t know that before…”

“It’s okay, late ko rin nalaman. Kaya rin pala hindi ako nabuntis nong huli tayo nagkasama ay dahil irregular ako at infertility.”

Tumango siyang muli. Humigpit ang yakap sa akin.

“And I take medication and I went to the doctor because I don’t want you to be unable to have a child…I don’t want us to be unable to have child”

Nagtagal ang tingin niya sa akin para bang tinatansiya niya ang mga dapat niyang sabihin sa akin o isagot.

“I understand and valid everything you said and your reason but I hope you don’t put pressure on yourself to have a child right away…because you will be carrying our child so you also have to take care of yourself” Masuyo akong tumango, idikit ko ang noo ko sa pisngi niya habang magkayakap pa rin kami.

“And I hope if we don’t have a child, don’t blame yourself, don’t think about it because we talked about it before, right? We have a child or not, I’m fine because you’re here but it doesn’t mean that I’m invalidating you, I’m always thinking about you, Abby, I hope you don’t blame yourself”

Mahigpit akong yumakap sa batok niya dahil sa mga sinasabi niya mas naiintidnihan ko talagang hindi ko kailangang pilitin ang sarili ko at mas lalo pang alagaan.

Alam ko namang naiintindihan ako lagi ni Maxl siguro ako lang din ang hindi mapakali kung sakaling hindi ko siya mabigyan ng anak o magkaanak kami.

“I won’t marry you just to give me a child, your role in my life is more than that, Abby”

“Thank you, Maxl… I love you”

“Naiintindihan ko lagi, mahal na mahal kita”

Sobrang tagal naming magkayakap, hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses niyang hinahaplos nang masuyo ang likod ko, hinahalikan niya rin nang paulit-ulit ang buhok ko. Sobrang naginhawaan at naging payapa ako sa ginagawa niya, sobrang gaan na ng pakiramdam ko dahil nandito na siya ulit, mas naramdaman ko pang mas hintay niya akong makita kaysa mas matagal ko siyang hinintay.

Unti-unti akong lumayo sa kanya, ngunit siya ay masuyo at sabik pa rin akong tinitignan.

“I love you” She lovingly held both of my cheeks and slowly kissed me again on the lips. I closed my eyes and responded with a sweet kiss to her, I grabbed her neck so that her lips could be closer to mine.

I can see her bright eyes, full of joy, her eagerness and love for me will not disappear there.

“I love you so much” I said, caressing her cheek. “I really do, love you”

She nodded to me with sweetness on her lips and touched my cheek again. “I know and let’s love each other peacefully now”

Nang papasok na kami ay hindi niya nakalimutang halikan nang matagal ang noo ko, hindi ako binitawan at mas naging mahigpit pa ang hawak niya sa aking kamay.

“Tara, ayusin na natin ang mga gamit mo sa kwarto” Tumango siya, pinagbukasan niya ako ng pintuan at pinauna. “Ang dami mong dala”

“Kulang pa, dito na kasi agad ako dumiretso, hinatid ko si Maxcil kay Ate Amanda, nagsusuka kasi siya kapag sumasakay ng bangka” Napanguso ako sa sinabi niya, kaya pala hindi na naman niya kasama si Maxcil papunta niya sa akin. “But he wants to see you, sana raw dumayo pa tayo sa syudad”

Agad na nagliwanag ang mukha ko. Kita kong natawa siya roon bago kinurot ang pisngi ko.

“So cute” Pinanggigilan niya pa iyon. “Don’t be sad”

Maxl didn’t let me carry her suitcases, she said she would because they were heavy.

“Magaan lang yan, ’yung bag na lang ang buhatin ko” Umiling lang siya sa akin. “Bakit ayaw mo akong pagbuhatin?”

“It’s not good for you to lift heavy” Malumanay niyang sambit. “Let me, I can do it, from now on you don’t have to do any other heavy work here in house…what you were doing before, I’ll do it now because I’m here.”

HInila niya ang dalawang maleta niya papasok sa kwarto ko habang ang tatlong bag niya ay naiwanan sa tabi ko. Lumabas siya ulit upang kunin ang tatlong bag.

“Ginawa mo naman akong lumpo niyan” Umiling siya sa akin at bahagya pang natawa.

“I have to take care of you now especially since I found out what your health is now, I will help you recover and with your treatments” Lumapit siya sa akin sabay halik sa pisngi ko. “So, don’t think too much, just taking care of my fiance, okay?”

“Ikakasal na tayo, ayoko niyan, gusto ko wifey” Yumakap ako sa braso niya, siya naman ay muling natawa sa akin. “Just call me, wifey, please?”

“Wifey” Sa sobrang gigil ko ay hinalikan ko ang psngi niya nang sobrang diin bago kami tuluyang pumasok sa kwarto.

Doon ay pinasok ko ang mga damit niya, sobrang lawak pa naman ng cabinet ko dahil lang naman mag-isa at kaunti lang ang damit ko, hindi ako masyadong bumibili dahil sapat na sa akin iyon, ayoko rin ng maraming lalabhan.

Nilingon ako ni Maxl nang maipasok niya ang ilang hoodie niya sa cabinet. “Baby, let me wash our clothes, tell me every time you do laundry and I will do it, I will always cook our meals. Also teach me about your pets in the garden”

Napailing na lang ako sa kanya habang may ngiti sa labi, kapag talaga kasama ko siya ay hindi ako pwedeng kumilos, siya na ang gagawa lahat at ayaw niya akong pakilusin.

“Chill, parang ayaw mo na akong pagtrabuhin dito”

“Kaya ko, Abby. Gusto kong bumawi at tulungan ka.” Muli niyang nilagay ang ibang shorts niya, napuno na iyon kaya inayos niya bago sinara. “About my works, I have a lot of savings now, I continued being a photographer and model in London as I did before” I turned to her again. “So, don’t worry about the money, I have a lot of money, I have savings and the money we will use for the wedding will be fine, you won’t have to worry”

Napacross arms ako sa harap niya, siya naman ay bahagyang umawang ang bibig at parang natakot pa.

“W-Why? You don’t like it?” nagging aligaga siya.

“May savings din ako para sa kasal natin, pera ko ang gagamitin ko–”

“No, It’s okay, I hav–”

“No” Inabot ko siya at kinurot ko ang pisngi niya. “Ako naman, itabi mo na lang ang mga ipon mo.”

Napanguso siya kaya natawa ako at hinalikan ang labi niya. “Okay, but just ask everything, okay? My money is also your money” Napiling na lang ako pero nagawa niya pa ring kontrahin. “Baby, ha?”

“Oo na”

Pagkatapos sa mga hoodie at t-shirt niya ay pinasok ko ang mga trouser at shorts niya sa pangalawang drawer. Nilalabas niya iyon na magulo na kaya tinutulungan ko pa siyang magtupi nang maayos, napapakamot siya ng ulo kaya tinawanan ko siya.

Alam naman ni Maxl ang ilang gawaing bahay pero ang pagtutupi ng mga damit ay hindi niya talaga gusto at hindi magawa nang maayos.

“Sorry, I really don’t know how to fold clothes” Yumakap siya sa aking baywang, pinatong ang baba niya sa aking balikat dahil parehas na kaming nakaupo sa lapag at kaharap ang cabinet. “But I am willing to—”

“I know, you don’t know, huwag na kasi baka ulitin ko na naman”

Mas sumiksik siya sa aking leeg. “Mommy tells me the same thing” maliit akong ngumiti. Alam kong namimiss na rin niya si Tita Kristine, maraming mga bagay ang makakapagpa-alala sa kanya. “I brought her photo”

“Isabit mo sa baba” hinaplos ko ang mga braso niyang nakayakap sa akin. “Sorry, pwede tayong dumalaw kay Tita Kristine…sa London ba?”

Tumango siya. “Sabi ni Tita ay ayos na si Mommy sa London, doon na rin naman gusto ni Mommy talaga manatili.”

“Pasensya ka na ha? Gusto ko kasi maging malaya ka muna, kasama si Maxcil at sila Ate Amanda”

She shook on my neck. “I understand because I fixed myself, I’m also sorry because I feel like I’m really broken by losing Mommy, I can hardly help myself.”

“I know kasi ako rin, kahit ako alam kong hindi kita matutulungan nang mga oras na iyon, hindi ako o kami ang makakatulong sa’yo”

“Sorry”

“No, don’t be sorry…”

Ilang minuto na naman kaming magkayakap, hinahaliakn niya ang pisngi at balikat ko bago siya muling nagsalita.

“Have you taken your medication yet?”

“Yes, it was only this year that I had a check-up, it was so late that the doctor said it was fine, my health was also fine while I was taking clomiphene”

“But you said, you need regular sex?” Tumango naman ako.

“Oo kasi para malaman mo rin kung effective ba ’yung med ko or kung nagproproduce na ako ng egg at maging regular ako to got pregnant…”

She kissed my cheek again. “Okay, wifey, let’s make love in the next few days, if you can or if nothing hurts you”

I winced.

“Ginawa mo na talaga akong sakitin” Tinawanan niya ako. “Hindi ko makakalimutan ’yung sinabi mong hindi mo ko palalakarin”

Mas lalo siyang natawa, tumawa pa nga nang tumawa kaya kinurot ko nang mariin ang pisngi niya.

“Baka sa kakasubok natin hindi mo ko tigilan”

“Oo, sarap mo kasi” Napawang ang bibig ko. “Totoo”

“Yang bunganga mo talaga”

Nang matapos kami sa pag-aayos ng mga damit niya ay tinulungan niya ako magikom ng mga maruming damit, desidido talaga siyang tulungan ako at huwag akong pakilusin sa lahat ng gawaing bahay.

Pati ang pagwawalis sa buong bahay ay siya ang gumawa, sa labas ng garden at sa harap mismo ng bahay. Kulang na lang pati tapat ng kapitbahay ay walisin niya rin.

“Oh” Napalingon ako sa taong kinagulat ni Maxl, nagwawalis siya pero napatigil siya.

“Amalia?” gulat ko ring tawag nang makita ko si Amalia. Gulat na gulat din siya nang makita kami, may mga bitbit siyang paperbag na galing sa grocery store rito sa Isla Vista. Napalunok siya at luminga-linga sa paligid. “Teka, nagkita na ba kayo ni Elijah dito?”

“U-Uh” Nilingon ko si Maxl pero hindi siya nakatingin sa amin, nilingon ko kung saan siya nakatingin. Kita ko si Elijah na papalapit sa amin. “O-Oo, nakita na kami” dali-daling naglakad si Amalia pero bago ako makapagsalita ay nilagpasan na niya ako.

Nilingon ko ang bahay kung saan siya pumasok, dalawang bahay lang ang pagitan ng bahay ko sa kanya at ngayon ko lang siya nakita rito?

“Nasa kabilang Isla siya nong nakaraan” Nakalapit na si Elijah sa akin kasama si Maxl. “Lumipat na rito”

“Bakit?” tanong ko naman kay Elijah dahil si Maxl ang nagsalita sa akin.

“Ewan”

She used to be happy talking about Amalia but now it’s different, she doesn’t feel like it anymore and isn’t really interested anymore. Kailan pa kaya sila nagkita? Nagkita na ba sila bago nagpakita sa akin si Elijah?

Nagtagal ang tingin namin kay Elijah bago nagwalis na naman si Maxl. Naptingin ako sa winawalas niya, nilalagay na niya sa dust pan at tinapon na sa basurahan sa tabi ng gate.

“Bakit ka papunta rito?” tanong ko ulit kay Elijah.

“May fiesta sa kabilang Isla, bukas pa naman, gusto n’yo ba?”

“Sige, dayo kami”

“Sunduin ko kayo”

“Elijah!” Napalingon kami sa babaeng tumawag kay Elijah, nasa malayo at malapit na pababa sa dagat. “Tara na!”

“Sige na” tumango siya sa akin bago kay Maxl. “Pre”

“Pre, ingat ka”

When dinner came I just hugged Maxl’s back while she was cooking pork sinigang, she didn’t want me to help her but I was able to prepare our plates, glasses, spoons and forks.

“Baby, taste it” agad kong sinubo ang kutsara na may laman ng sabaw. “Yummy?”

Masayang tumango ako sa kanya nang paulit-ulit. “Oo! Sa harap, marunong ka pala magluto”

“I learned to cook before I came home here” she said smiling, kissing my forehead. “So I can always cook for you and our future baby”

“Gustong-gusto mo na talagang magkababy tayo” Umiling naman siya nang may ngiti sa labi.

“I’m not in a hurry to have a baby because I don’t want you to have a hard time because you will be the one to carry our baby, I’m just happy to include you as our baby in my plans”

Napanguso ako upang itago ang kilig ko pero hindi naman nangyari, sinubsob ko ang mukha ko sa balikat niya. Narinig ko ang pagtawa niya at muling paghalik niya sa aking buhok.

“Luto na, baby” Bumitaw na ako sa kanya, kinuha ko ang rice cooker at lumapit na rin sa table. Nagsandok ako ng kanina at nilapag iyon sa mga plato namin habang si Maxl ay nagsandok ng sabaw at ulam sa mangkok.

Nginitian niya ako. “Let’s pray before eat”

We had fun eating, Maxl and I had fun talking and teasing, we discussed all our plans while eating.

“Baby, even if we have a baby, I hope you still do what you are doing right now.” I stopped eating for a moment when she said that. “Because we know that when a woman becomes a mother, she sometimes stays at home, taking care of her children, unable to work because her husband doesn’t want to, I understand that, it is valid because there is no one to take care of the child, but if It’s you, Abby, let’s balance it, I want you to still be able to do everything you want, you’re still able to work even though we have a child”

Pinakinggan ko ang mga sumundo na sinabi niya.

“I will not make you feel that you are the only one who should take care of our baby, even if I have a job no matter what, I will help you, isn’t that how it should be? because you have a husband/wife and that’s me”

“I’m sorry, I don’t want to make promises because I’m afraid it won’t come true, but I’ll just do it, I won’t talk, I’ll take care of you, Abby hanggang sa hindi lang ikaw ang aalagaan ko dahil may anak na tayo.”

Chapter 39

Everything that Maxl said really stayed in my brain, because I know why she was able to say those things, I know how sure she is of me and of us, even include her dreams and plans in will be our child. Hindi niya nakakalimutan ang lahat dahil habang nakatingin ako sa mga mata niya habang sinasabi niya iyon, doon palang, alam kong mas higit na ang magagawa niya kaysa sa mga sinasabi niya.

“Hindi ko na kayang mabigo ka pa”

Maliit akong napangiti, hindi niya alam kung gaano niya nagawa ang lahat para lang hindi ako mabigo, nagawa niya ang mga bagay na kahit sa tingin niya kulang pero para sa akin ay sobrang laki na, sobrang laki na ang halaga sa buhay ko at sa aming dalawa. Kahit kailan hindi niya ako binigo o nabigo, kahit kailan hindi niya iyon nagawa sa akin.

She is careful about everything, she thinks about everything, she plans everything but it’s just that time have not been good and careful with her even though she is very appreciative of things.

She is not careless and she is not selfish.

I showed her my bikini swimsuit, she looked at it and smiled.

“Is it okay for me to wear this to the fiesta later? Sabi kasi ni Elijah ay ayos lang naman kung maligo tayo mamaya, since fiesta naman”

“So sexy” She held my waist while reaching for my cheek to kiss. “I’ll take a picture of you”

“Sure ka ha?” Naninigurado ’ko sa kanya. “Maraming titingin sa akin doon”

She nodded gently to me, kissed me again but on the lips.

“Even before a lot of people were looking at you so even now it’s fine with me because I prefer you to wear what you want” napanguso ako.

“Puro ka ganyan, huwag mong isipin ang mga gusto ’ko minsan syempre gusto ko rin kahit paano ay pagbawalan mo ’ko” muli siyang umiling sa akin pero may ngiti na sa labi.

“I don’t need to stop you from everything you do because I trust you and you’ve been doing those things before I was around so I won’t change anything for you” Inabot ’ko ang pisngi niya at hinaplos iyon bago ko siya hinalikan sa labi.

“Thank you but please, sabihan mo ako kahit ano pa ’yan lalo na magpapakasal na tayo”

Tumango siya hinahaplos na niya ang likuran ko. “Yes, baby. I love you”

“I love you always and thank you so much”

Maxl and I slept next to each other that night, we hugged each other sweetly and felt each other again. I even felt that we missed each other so much when it was just the two of us, it was just the two of us making each other feel and we didn’t do anything else. Her hugs made me miss her so much because I haven’t felt that in three years, I haven’t touched her in three years.

Mahigpit ’ko siyang hinawakan at niyakap nang maramdaman kong nakatulog na siya, mahimbing na ang pagkakatulog niya habang nakapatong ang pisngi niya sa aking dibdib, ang mga kamay niya nanatiling nakalupot sa aking baywang kaya malayo ’ko siyang nayayakap at nahahaplos.

I was free to do that because she was already asleep, I caressed her other cheek, I couldn’t take my eyes off her as I watched her sleep soundly. I kissed her forehead gently, I did that three times before I pressed my cheek to her forehead to fall asleep. I am now happy and I feel at ease because she is now at ease with me and is sleeping peacefully.

Wala na akong hihilingin pa, siguradong matutuloy-tuloy na kaming dalawa sa buhay namin nang matiwasay at magaan.

Kinaumagahan ay wala na si Maxl sa tabi ko, agad akong bumangon dahil naririnig ko na naman ang mga alaga ko na maingay sa garden. Naamoy ko na rin ang bagong lutong itlog, sinangag at hotdog mula sa kusina.

Sa kusina na ako naghilamos at tama nga ako may lutong almusal na naroon, nakahain at may takip pa. Wala rin si Dea sa paligid kaya alam kong nasa likod silang dalawa ni Maxl.

Nang makita ko si Maxl ay hawak na niya si Rei ang kulay puti kong manok, hinahaplos niya. Pinapanood ko siyang ginagawa iyon, binaba niya si Rei at sunod na binuhat si Rai na kulay brown na manok, iyon naman ang hinaplos niya at ang huli ay si Roi na pinaghalong brown at itim, ang nag-iisang lalaki.

“Oh, ikaw ang nag-iisang lalaki” She happily said to Roi that what Roi did was poke her hand lightly so Maxl laughed even more. “Magpakabait ka” She put Roi down and let the three walk in the garden. Dea was busy airing because it was really windy because of the ocean, then Maxl approached the fish bond and dropped food there.

“Ako na rin ang mag-aalaga at magpapakain sa inyo tuwing umaga, tulog pa si Mommy n’yo” Mabilis na sumilay ang ngiti ko labi at bahagya pa akong tawa kaya napalingon siya sa akin. “Oh, mommy is here!” dali-dali siyang lumapit sa akin pati si Dea at ang tatlo kong manok ay lumapit sa akin. “Good morning, my love!” humalik siya sa aking noo at sa pisngi.

Agad kong pinulupot ang mga braso ko sa leeg niya at hinalikan siya sa labi. “Good morning, my baby” malambing sambit ko.

“I love you” malambing niyang hinalikan nang paulit-ulit ang pisngi ko. “How’s your sleep? Sorry, gutom na mga anak natin”

Muli akong natawa at dahan-dahan bumitaw sa kanya para lumuhod at hawakan ang mga alaga ko.

Nag-iingay pa sina Roi at si Dea naman ay pilit na dumidkit sa akin habang gumagalaw pa ang buntot niya.

I heard the sound of a camera so I looked at Maxl, she had her camera down and was smiling widely at me. “Ganda mo” matamis akong ngumiti at nagpatuloy sa paghaplos sa mga alaga ko, narinig ko pa ang ilang tunog ng camera.

Ayos na iyon dahil dati ay hindi niya nakakalimutang kuhaan ako ng litrato at sa kahit ano pang ginagawa ko, kahit hindi ako nakatingin siya ginagawa niya iyon.

“Baby, let’s have breakfast” I grabbed her hand and pulled her a little, her camera was still pointed at me and I heard it sound before she finally put it down and looked at me. “Mamaya na ulit”

“Okay, baby, ganda mo talaga”

Hindi niya nakalimutan na gawaran ako ng halik sa labi, pisngi at ang pinakamatagal niyang halik ay tumigil sa aking noo.

“I’ll always do this, I’ll always take a picture of you, Abby”

Pagkatapos naming mag-almusal ay tinatanong ako ni Maxl kung ano raw ang pwede niyang isuot mamaya sa fiesta, hindi niya raw alam at hindi niya alam kung anong gusto kong isuot niya.

“Mamili ka, ano ba gusto mo?” tanong ko at nilingon ang mga nilabas niyang short at pantaas. “Hindi ka makapili?”

Tumango siya. “I want you to choose what I wear” bahagya na siyang nakanguso kaya nanggigil na naman ako sa kanya, inabot ang pisngi niya at kinurot.

“These swim shorts and sport bra are fine” I took them from the bed and showed them to her, she looked at them.

“Yes but baka bumakat si Junior, wala akong short na medyo maluwag lalo na kapag basa” Bumaba ang tingin ko sa short niya dahil nakashort din siya ngayon, kita kong bakat nga kahit hindi basa.

“Wala rin akong short na maluwag, I’m just a girl” natawa siya sa huling sinabi ko kaya natawa na rin ako. “Huwag ka na maligo”

“What? No, I’ll join you in the water later, Abby” I gave her a silly look. “I’ll look for loose shorts”

“You can’t really find anything” I said laughing. “But you can still take a bath”

“How?” she asked, continuing to search for loose shorts on the bed.

“Let’s take a bath in the bathroom” mabilis siyang napalingon sa akin para pa nga siyang natatawa.

“Hindi siya dagat” Mas lalo akong natawa sa kanya. “I want to experience bathing in the sea with you”

“Sus, magpapapogi ka lang sa akin”

“I can’t believe you, Love” I came closer to her and sat on her lap, she looked at my chest that was touching her chin. “Are you seducing me?” hinapit niya ako, nararamdaman ko rin ang kamay niyang nakahawak sa butt ko.

“What do you think?” Bahagya akong lumayo ngunit pinadusdos ko lang ang kamay ko sa balikat niya. “Pero totoo, pogi at maganda ka baka mamaya maraming babaeng lumapit sa’yo”

Tinaas niya ang kamay niya kung nasaan nakasuot ang engagement ring. “I’m getting married”

I kissed her lips tenderly, still caressing her shoulder up to her neck, it was so nice to caress her neck, it was smooth and I could feel her being warm. 

I could feel the return of her kiss to me, her hands entered my clothes and gently caressed my skin, our lips continued to move against each other, feeling it and making it even hotter. Our lips moved again and I put more eager on kissing her, I want to be passionate about her and make her feel that I missed her so much.

We slowly parted our lips and looked at each other before letting out a sweet smile. She kissed my cheek before moving down to my neck, she kissed it again and again before I felt her gently but slightly violent suction on me.

“So they can see that someone owns you” malambing niyang sambit, pinadusdos niya ang mukha sa aking leeg. “I’m hard”

I could feel her in my thighs so I caressed her shoulder again.

“You want a blow job?” She didn’t speak but I felt and heard his deep breathing. I moved from sitting on his lap, I could see the hard boner in her shorts when I looked down there. Maxl was also blushing and her eyes were full of lust as she looked at me.

Tahimik akong umalis sa kama at lumuhod sa harapan niya.

“Are you sure, love?” tanong niya sa akin, nilihis niya ang buhok kong nasa mukha ko. Tumango ako at hinawakan siya. “Okay…I love you”

“I love you so much, ako na ang bahala” sabay kindat ’ko sa kanya.

She stopped stroking my hair when I grabbed her shorts and opened them, I could see how she looked up, she was blushing up to her neck.

I swallowed when I saw her junior, I can really say that he grew even bigger, I don’t know if I didn’t cry again when she entered me again.

“Junior’s big” I said to her attractively and grabbed it to put it on my cheek. “Maybe you’ve been without it for three years”

“Yeah…” bumaba ang tingin niya. “I missed your mouth”

“Mouth ’ko lang?” ganti ko. I started to lick it, I looked into her eyes as my tongue went up to her head.

“Ah” she looked up again while I was still doing it, I slowly opened my mouth and used it. “Abby…” She reached my head again as if to support me again in what I was doing.

​​I took suck of it slowly before I swallowed a little bit. I can already hear her crazy and heavy moaning. I continued to do that until I felt that my throat and jaw no longer hurt, she was so big that it hurt.

“Abby…” Both of her hands are holding my head and she is the one pushing my head so that I can swallow her completely. “Ah…fuck”

Tinulungan ko siya sa ginagawa niya, mas binaba ko pa ang ulo ko at narinig ko ang malalim at mahaba niyang pag-ungol.

“Faster, love” I faster up the raising and lowering of my head to her, I put it on my throat even though it was hurting, all I wanted was to give her pleasure and feel me.

“Ahh” I closed my eyes when she pushed and pressed my head causing me to swallow her completely. Hinawakan niya ang dalawang pisngi ko at unti-unting inilayo sa kanya, padila akong nagtaas sa kanya ng tingin. “Get on your knees on the floor, Abby” she said with looking at me red and full of desire.

“What, you’re going to thrust in my mouth again?” muli kong pinunasan ang labi ko, hinawakan niya ang buhok ko, tumango sa akin. Kumilos ako, bumaba ako sa kama at lumuhod sa harap niya habang siya umalis na rin sa kama.

She caressed my cheek before she slowly put it in my mouth, she was holding my jaw as if assessing if I could do it again now that I was kneeling in front of her.

Our eyes met, she was still caressing my jaw before she smiled at me so sweetly. I smiled back at her, holding her hand that was holding mine.

“I love you, Abby”

“I love you, always”

Her grip on my head returned again and she slowly pushed and pulled herself from my mouth, I swallowed when it hit my throat and it hurt. I looked up at her and saw that she was already looking up as she continued to move.

“Ah” She did it slowly until it became fast causing me to hold onto her leg. She pushed and pulled herself hard and fast into me, until she was full in my mouth, she continued to thrust me and my head as she pushed and pulled her.

“Fuck” It went faster causing me to close my eyes even more. “Abby…” she was moaning my name, her deep breaths making me want to feel her and the warmth of her body even more.

She put it in my mouth before stopping for a moment and moving again, the only thing I could do was moan slightly while he was still in my mouth.

“Cumming” she said hoarsely. “I love you, Abby” She moved it up again so that I could feel that she was really close to getting out. She pressed my mouth to her even more. I felt her when she didn’t take my mouth away from her, she came out of my mouth and I could taste her juice. “Oh”

Napalunok ako kasama lahat ng nilabas niya sa bibig ko, nagtagal pa siya at muling gumalaw sa aking bibig bago tuluyang tinanggal iyon sa akin. Muli kaming nagkatinginan ngunit hindi siya nagsalita at tahimik niya akong binuhat mula sa sahig at ibinaba sa kama.

Sinusundan ko ang ginagawa niya, hinawakan niya ang cycling ko bago muling nag-angat ng tingin sa akin. “If we fail to make it after this, it’s okay Abby, don’t blame yourself and hurt yourself, hindi ka nagkulang at mas lalong hindi ka nagkulang sa akin”

My eyes moved slightly, my eyelids felt like they wanted to cry again because of what she said. “I love you, give me a child or not, I still love you and will always love you” She slowly took off my cycling and underwear, she looked back at me again and came closer. I quietly wrapped my arms around her neck while her eyes kept looking at me sweetly, gently and full of respect and love. It never went away every time she looked at me.

Gently kissing my cheek and lips, she looked at me three times before she buried her face in my neck and slowly lowered her body to me. I’m locked in her arms again for three years I didn’t feel, three years I didn’t touch and three years I waited to feel again. Matiwasay at magaan ang naging pagpikit ko habang dinadamdam siya, dinadamdam namin ang isa’t-isa.

I was stroking her hair while I felt her lips caressing my skin, she was doing that and she was really feeling me.

“Thank you, Maxl, thank you for always understanding me and always putting my feelings first” tumango siya sa leeg ko.

“I love you so much, I hope you know how much I love you” I can feel the heat in both my eyes, I feel like I’m going to cry again because I’m so happy, I’m going to cry again because I missed her so much, masaya akong nandito na siya, masaya akong sigurado na kaming hindi na kami maghihwalay pa. “I’m sorry, I made you wait”

Mabilis akong umiling, mas hinigpitan ang hawak at yakap sa kanya.

“No, You never made me wait…mahal kita kaya kahit anong mangyari maghihintay ako nang hindi mo pinaparamdaman sa akin na pinaghihintay mo ’ko dahil hindi naman talaga” He moved again but it was the kiss on the lips, a passionate kiss and you kiss him as hot as he is now. His hand moved down my thigh, parting it slightly.

“Tell me if it hurts” she kissed my cheek before burying her face in my neck again. I took a deep breath when I could feel her head slowly touching me, she also caressed my back because she was still hugging me. “Dahanin, love”

I buried my face in her shoulder as she slowly entered me, it was slow but I felt like I was being torn apart.

Malaki na nga talaga si Junior.

“A-Ah” Muli kong naramdaman ang haplos niya sa akin. Iyon ang ginawa niya sa aking tuwing pinapakalma at inaalam ang pakiramdam ko. “L-Love”

She pressed closer to me. “I really missed you, Abby, I feel like I can’t stand it”

“M-Maxl”

My jaw trembled and I caught my breath as she entered me completely, slowly moving inside me, she was pushing herself into me completely.

I buried my face even more as she started moving faster with me, she was holding me very tightly, causing her to press the thrusting more, the thrusting she was doing to me was so intense that I could feel my trembling .

“A-Ah…l-love”

“Abby..fuck” I could hear her deep grunts and breath. “I missed you”

She continued thrusting me while she let go of me slowly because her hands went down to my leg so she could hold me and continue thrusting me, she held me so tightly that I touched her tummy.

“S-Slow d-down” My vision is getting blurry, I know I’m crying because of the pleasure she’s giving me, I’m so crazy with the fast of her thrusting inside me, non-stop and full. “M-Maxl”

She looked up, there was sweat dripping down her neck, her breathing and moaning were getting louder.

I was surprised when she removed her hands from my legs and they went to my clothes, she completely took them off and then she made me up to bed. She sat down a little and let me sit on her lap when I sat on her lap she also lay down.

“M-Maxl”

“Sit on me” I grabbed her tummy, she grabbed my butt and seemed to be supporting it to lift it slightly. “I love this position, especially your breasts”

“W-Wa–A-Ah” Naarko ako nang isagad niya nang buo ang sarili niya sa loob ko. “F-fuck”

“Just moan”

She makes me ride so fast and so full that I’m even more crazy, I feel like my mind is going blank because of the great pleasure of what she’s giving me, she holds my butt while still continuing to thrust me, hardly.

“A-Ah” I looked up because of a mixture of pleasure and a little pain, I was able to raise my body so that she could not thrust that hard from me. “M-Max–” She quickly grabbed me by the waist and wordlessly hit me again with her thrust.

“A-Ah..fu–l-love”

“Ahh” I couldn’t look down at her because I was in awe of the pleasure she was doing, I also felt her grab both of my breasts as she continued to move. “Abby”

Talagang hindi na ako makakalakad.

“Fuck, I’m cumming” Her hands went back to my waist so she could move me fast up, she pushed me very hard and relentlessly. “Oh”

“L-Love” I trembled as I looked at her while her eyes were full of desire looking at me. She reached for my head and slowly brought it closer to her. “hmm”

Our lips were close as I felt both of us come out, she came inside me.

“Abby, isa pa” muli siyang gumalaw sa loob ko. “You won’t be able to walk properly later”

Chapter 40

Maxl couldn’t stop me after our first round, she moved on me again to bury it inside me.

“W-Wait, I need to wash” I said, she looked up at me before looking down at the bottom of both of us, she licked her lips and slowly got up. She hugged me again and picked me up, we went into the bathroom and she gently put me down.

She took the shower and turned it on, facing me all over my body, I watched her do it, she also caressed me as the water continued to flow into me before she looked up at me.

“Are you going to wash yourself?” She asked, turning on the shower and grabbing a tabo with only soap and water. “I’ll help you, use this”

Dahan-dahan kong kinuha ang mga iyon at nagsimula na akong maghugas, hindi ’ko maitago ang panginginig ng binti ako at bahagyang hapdi sa akin, muli niya akong tinignan.

“I’m sorry”

“What? Why are you saying sorry?” Tanong ko nang matapos na akong maghugas, tinignan niya pa iyon kung ayos na ba talaga at wala ng tumutulo sa akin na nilabas niya lang din naman sa akin at sa loob ko. “Maxl”

“Cause I became hard and eager”

“It’s okay, I just want to wash”

Bahagya siyang tumango sa akin, ngumuso bago ako hinawakan sa pisngi at hinalikan na naman niya ako nang sobrang masuyo. Napangiti ako dahil doon, sobrang lambing niya talaga sa akin lalo na kung sa pisngi ko siya hahalik.

Bumaba ang mga kamay niya sa butt ko kaya nakurot ko ang pisngi niya nang sobrang diin, napangiwi naman siya roon pero naroon ang malalapad na ngiti niya sa akin. Muling humalik.

“Ulit?”

“Tama na, hindi pala kaya ng katawan ko ang pinaggagawa mo. Saan ’yan natutunan?” Mas lalo siyang tumawa sa harap ko, hinahaplos at inaalog ang butt ko kaya mas nakukurot ko siya.

“That’s not hard to know, I did it to you, you shivered” Proud niya pang sabi habang tumatawa. “I really enjoyed watching you shiver earlier”

“Ayan, ang galing mo kapag kabastusan”

She smiled sweetly at me, squeezed my butt even more so that I was able to hold her, it was getting rough but she was still gentlet, her fingers slowly went down my hole. Hindi siya nagsasalita hanggang sa naramdaman ko na unti-unti ang isang daliri niyang pumapasok sa akin.

“Later na si Junior” bulong niya sa aking tenga, kumapit ako sa balikat niya at sumubsob doon nang pumapasok at hinihila niya ang daliri niya sa loob ko. My hands that were holding her with her finger on me were shaking again, her fingers became two inside me, it was speeding up so I could feel my body trembling and weak again.

“A-Ahh…” I mumbled as she moved her finger and because her fingers were long, I could feel that she was pointing me inside which made me tremble and weaken even more. Mas nararamdaman ko pa ang panginginig sa mga daliri niya at panghihina dahil ang palad niya tumatawa sa clitoris ko.

“W-Wait” I grabbed her hand but my eyes just widened as I look up to moan as she buried it even more in me and make it fast, my legs were shaking so much that she could support me again, she held me again my butt while doing that. “F-Fuck..a-ah”

“L-Love”

The whole bathroom could hear the sound of her fingers and hands hitting my skin. “A-Ah…s-to–” I covered my mouth when I came out completely, I was just washed but I felt that thing come out of me again. Ang mga yakap ko ay mas niyakap ko pa sa kanya.

Naramdaman ko muli ang pagyakap niya sa akin, hinahaplos ang aking likod at ginagawaran ako ng malilitt na halik sa aking buhok.

“Kaya mo pa?” tanong niya.

“Hindi ko na kaya, tama ka na”

HInalikan niya muli akong buhok ko nang matagal. “Mamaya na lang ulit, magpahinga ka na muna”

Wow, walang tigil, gusto pa talagang dagdagan namin.

“Hindi, sa ibang araw na lang.” Nilayo ko na ang mukha ko sa kanya at tinignan siya. “Kapag ako talaga hindi nakalakad.”

Humalik siya sa labi ko. “That’s what I want” Muli kong kinurot ang pisngi niya. Inalalayan at tiulungan akong muling maghugas, binuhat upang dalhin ako sa bathtub na may maligamgam ng tubig, inilublub niya ako roon at habang siya naman ay umupo sa maliit na upuan sa tabi ng bathtub. May isa pang shower sa bathtub at kinuha niya iyon upang muli akong paliguan.

“Let me bathe you” After she wet me and soaped me, she did that to me for a long time, she really soaped my whole body. Even I myself was not able to touch myself because she did it, she also did it to wash me.

Pati ang buhok ko ay siya na ang naglagay ng shampoo ko at binanlawan na rin ako. Nang matapos niya akong asikasuhin ay nanatili ako sa bathtub, dinadamdam ang maligamgam na tubig. Habang siya ay naligo na sa kabilang shower, pinapanood ko lang siya habang naliligo siya at nakasandal sa bathtub.

I remember what she said earlier that if we can’t have a child now that we’ve made love again, she said it’s fine, but I feel that no matter how much I convince myself, I won’t be satisfied if I wait for her or myself, I don’t think too much because I can’t get pregnant or give birth yet because she’s not by my side but since she’s here again it makes me think, I really changed my mind because I always thought that she would wait for me, she will take care of me and I will just wait for my own children.

Maxl won’t like me thinking like this, she won’t like me exhausting myself, she won’t like me thinking that I’ve nothing as a partner again because I might not be able to give her a child or be able to make her wait to have child and I. But I can’t help it, I’ve been wanting a family ever since I was with her again.

Magugustuhan ko ba ’yung ganito? Parang ang unfair lang because I also want us to be a family and for her to have a child with me because I don’t want to lose her and I don’t want her to be separated from me, maybe, maybe when we have a child, I won’t lose her anymore.

Bumuntong hininga ako nang malalim at muli siyang nilingon, tapos na siyang maligo, nagpupunas na at nagtatakip na ng katawan niya. May dala pa siyang isang twalya at bathrub nang makalapit sa akin.

“Halika na, love” Binuhat niya akong muli. “Sa kama na tayo magpunas at bibihisan kita.”

Tahimik akong inasikaso at binihisan ni Maxl, nginingitian niya ako nang sobrang lapad habang hinahaplos na naman niya ang pisngi ko at hinahalikan ang pisngi ko.

“I know you’re tired, let’s sleep and what time ba tayo susunduin ni Ej?” Sinabay niya ang pagpapatuyo ng buhok ko kaya natuyo na iyon kanina pa, inihiga niya ako sa kama at siya naman ang dahan-dahan na humiga sa tabi ko.

“Mamaya pa, 4pm”

Tumango siya, dumikit ako sa kanya, yumakap at hindi naman niya nakalimutang ikulong ako sa bisig niya. Pumikit ako at dinamdam siya.

Mahal ko si Maxl pero hindi ko na naman maiwasang mag-isip ng kung ano-ano, gusto ko na lang gumawa ng mga bagay na alam kong hindi na siya mawawala, hindi na siya aalis pa sa tabi ko.

Even the cold and fresh breeze that hit my body while we were on the boat to got to the other island did not remove my deep thoughts. I overthought even more that even if it’s not, maybe I really don’t want to lose her, maybe if I lose her again I won’t really be able to, I can’t do it anymore.

I waited for three years, I wished for three years that she would be able to return to me despite the heavy things she was going through. Kaya hindi ko maiwasang mag-isip ng kung ano-ano, Oo siguradong sigurado na kami sa isa’t-isa at pakiramdam ko kahit isang problema na naman ang maramdaman at mapuntahan namin pakiramdam ko mawawala na naman siya sa akin, may tiwala ako kay Maxl pero sa mga nangyayari o mangyayari ay wala. Walang-wala dahil ang mga problema na iyon ay nagiging dahilan para mawala sa akin ang taong pinakamahal ko sa lahat.

Nilingon ko si Maxl, hawak niya ang kamay ko pero abala siyang nakikipag-usap kay Ej na hindi siya tinantanan, literal na naging madaldal na naman siya sa amin.

“Pre, may kainan dun sa Isla, pakainin mo marami si Abby” Akbay niya ang isa’t-isa kaya kahit papaano ay nagagawa ko silang panoorin at bigyan ng maliit na ngiti. “Pakainin mo, bumawi ka.”

“Ikaw din, Abby, Andy and Rico are waiting for you, ngayon si Abby ang nandito sa kanya ka muna bumawi.” Napanguso si Ej sa kanya. “I understand you, Don’t worry but please don’t forget your friends”

“I know, I’m sorry, babawi ako kay Abby habang baby time kayo” Tumawa siya nang malakas kaya napalingon na sa akin si Maxl na natatawa rin at nakangiti. “Maraming pagkain dun, sabi ko pa gumawang chao fan kasi paborito n’yo”

“Really? Thank you, Ej” Muling bumaling sa akin si Maxl. “Baby, eat more later, okay?”

Masuyo akong ngumiti sa kanya. “Sure, baby”

Nang makarating kami sa kabilang Isla ay sinalubong kami ng ibang mga naroon, nakikit ako pa rin naman ang mga tao sa Isla kung nasaan kami ngunit mas marami roon ang taga ibang Isla.

Hawak pa rin ako ni Maxl pero hinayaan ko siyang maglibot ng tingin at bumati sa ibang tao habang ako naman ay kahit akupado pa rin ng sarili kong isip ay mas pinili kong makisalo na rin, pinagmamasdan ang buong paligid, nakikinig sa malalakas na tugtugin at nanonood sa mga taong sumasayaw. May mga bata at ibang kababaihan at kalalakihan na rin ang naliligo sa gilid.

Hinanap ng mata ko si Amalia, bigla ko siyang naalala. Hindi ko na siya naririnig pa kay Ej kaya ako na mismo ang maghahanap sa kanya.

“Love” tawag ko kay Maxl, malakas ang tugutugin kaya hindi niya ako agad narinig at nilingon. “Maxl” hawak ko sa balikat niya at doon na siya lumingon sa akin. Masuyo na namana ng naging tingin niya sa akin.

“Baby” BInaba niya ang ulo niya at mas hinilig pa sa akin. “Why? What’s problem? May masakit ba sa’yo?” Umiling ako agad nang may maliit na ngiti.

“Pwede bang maglibot muna ako, gusto ko ring mahanap si Amalia at makausap.” Hinaan ko ang boses ko dahil saktong napalingon sa amin si Ej na may hawak ng baso at laman no’n ay alak. “Is that okay, baby?”

“I’ll come—” Umiling akong muli.

“Enjoy here, I’m fine, babalik din naman ako.” Muling nagtanggal ang tingi niya sa akin, hinalikan ang pisngi ko. “You can drink, okay? But don’t drink too much”

May ngiti ang labi niyang tumango sa akin nang paulit-ulit. “Yes, baby, promise. Just call me okay? Please, take care.” Tumaas ang halik niya sa aking noo.

“I will, thank you, I love you.” Hinawakan ko ang magkabilang pisngi niya at hinalikan siya sa labi, nang matagal at buong pagmamahal.

“I love you, always, call me, Abby, okay?”

“Yes, baby! Enjoy here”

Iniwanan ko siya kasama si Ej na hinihila na rin siya. Hinayaan ko siya dahil sigurado naman akong magugustuhan niya naman iyon kahit hindi na na muna ako kasama.

My eyes searched for Amalia, I didn’t see her right away because there were too many people, too many people dancing and the others were still trying to talk to me so I stopped to talk to them, I also tried to ask if they saw Amalia because I’m sure Amalia has been here for a long time and they know her before me.

I found Amalia, she was there next to the wooden bench, sitting while watching every movement of the waters in the sea, also feeling the breeze that hit her body. I quietly approached her and sat next to her.

But I was just surprised when I saw her crying, Amalia was crying and I could see that she was also surprised to see me surprised by her crying.

“A-Abby?” Mabilis na gumalaw siya palingon sa likod namin.

“Elijah is not here” Malumanay at tanging nasabi ko, muling bumalik ang mga tingin niya sa akin, bahagyang kumalma at kita kong naging malumanay na ang mukha niya kahit pa may kaunting lungkot at luha iyon. “Don’t worry, ako lang nandito and…I just want to talk to you.”

Nagbaba ng tingin si Amalia, kita ko ring napapasinghap siya habang pinupunasan niya ang mga luha niya sa kanyang mata.

“I just want to ask, how are you? Are you with someone here?”

Because of those questions, I can see that somehow she looked light as if she had waited for a long time for someone to ask her such a question, she waited for someone to worry about her and talk to her like this again. But it didn’t end there because she started crying again, crying as if she had been alone for a long time, no one asked her the same questions as I had.

I hugged her so tight, feel her that she was no longer alone now, she didn’t have to keep everything to herself. I really can’t stand to hear other people’s crying and sobs because even my own crying and sobs I can’t handle I feel really painful, it’s hard to recover.

I let Malia cry in my arms, she cried, her cry getting louder and painful and it hurt for me too because she hid it for so long, she hid it from herself and she didn’t need anyone else.

I don’t even know how many minutes we were in that position, she was still locked in my arms and I gradually felt her weight. Amalia fell asleep with me even and it was like that was the first time I saw her face so relieved, sleeping peacefully and without sadness.

Glad I feel this peacefully and relieved with her.

Umabot ng 30 mins ay nararamdaman ko na ang pagtunog ng phone ko sa bulsa ko, dahan-dahan kong kinuha iyon at tinignan.

Maxl calling…

“Love” sagot niya pagkasagot ko ng tawag sa kanya. “Where are you? It’s already 30 mins…”

“Maxl, si Abby na ba ’yan? Nasaan ba siya?” naririnig ko na rin ang boses ni Ej na papalapit pa nga kay Maxl kaya nagsalita ako agad.

“I’m with Amalia, umiyak siya at nakatulog na sa akin”

Hindi ko narinig nagsalita si Maxl pero naririnig ko ang hininga niya, alam kong naintindihan niya agad ang sinabi ko.

“Ano, bakit natahimik ka d’yan? Nasaan si Abby?” ulit na naman ni Ej sa kabilang linya.

“Ah, love–’

“Nakita nyo ba si Amalia?” Boses iyon ng isang lalaki, hindi ko alam kung sinong tinanong niya pero malapit siya kay Maxl. “Hindi ko po siya makita, Nay”

I didn’t even hear Ej speak on the other line, she didn’t ask any more questions.

“Where are you?” si Maxl. “I’m going to see you”

“Thank you, I’m here near the buko juice stall…on the wooden bench”

“Okay, I love you, wait for me.”

“I love you, always”

I watched the movement of the waters in the sea, the breeze that hit the two of us became smoother. I hope that even if Amalia is asleep, she will still feel what I feel.

“Love” nag-angat ako ng tingin. Nagtama ang paningin namin ni Maxl at bumaba ang tingin niya kay Amalia na hawak ko at tulog pa rin ito. “Are you okay? What about her?”

“She’s okay…”

Dahil mahaba naman ang wooden bench ay umupo si Maxl sa tabi ko, hinawakan ang kamay kong hindi nakahawak kay Amalia. HInahaplos niya iyon habang parehas na kaming nakatanaw sa lawak ng dagat, dinamdam ang mga simoy ng hangin at hawak ang kamay ng isa’t-isa.

“Ej…I told her you’re with Amalia” Mahinang sambit niya. “But she’s with the girl yesterday right now, hinila siya.”

“Hayaan mo si Ej…” tanging nasabi ko. “Hindi ko siya kailangan pilitin na bumalik sa dati…masaya ako kung anong ginagawa niya ngayon.”

“What about Amalia, she’s with someone here?”

Umiling ako at humilig sa balikat niya. “I don’t know, she fell asleep after crying.”

I didn’t hear him speak anymore, she also leaned her head on my head and tightened her grip on my hand.

“I’m willing to help you with Amalia” she said sweetly. “Is it okay for you, her to be my friend too?”

“Why you asking me like that, of course you can.”

“Because I don’t want you to be uncomfortable even if my friends are your friends or will be my friends…” She kissed my hair. “If you don’t want it, It’s okay and valid but I’m still willing to help you with your friends.”

“Aki is also my friend who is your friend, she helped me with you so I want us to be equal to each other. And I have trust in you, Maxl, even before you never made me feel that I had to be jealous of the people around you. “

“Because I love you, you don’t have to be jealous. Nag-iisa ka lang sa buhay ko at hindi ka mahihigitan ng kahit sino.”

“I love you”

“Mahal na mahal kita.”

I can’t explain what kind of look Ej gave us when she saw Maxl carrying Amalia, Amalia who was still sleeping until now. I was just next to Maxl, looking at Ej and the girl next to her, that was the one who called her yesterday.

When we got closer, that’s when I saw how Ej’s look softened while looking at the sleeping Amalia, Maxl and I didn’t talk or even I to Ej because I can’t say what happened, I know Malia trusted me, I can’t let her down.

“Malia” may lumapit sa aming isang lalaki, humahagos siya at nakasunod sa kanya ang isang babae na may edad na rin. “Ano nangyari sa kanya? Nahimatay ba siya?”

“Jusko, Malia” sabi ng matanda. Hinawakan ko siya sa kamay at maliit na ngumiti.

“Ayos lang po si Malia, Nay, nakatulog lang po.” Tsaka ako lumingon kay Ej, nakatingin na rin siya sa akin na para bang alam niyang hindi lang dahil iyon sa pagod. “Iuwi ninyo na po siya para mas makapagpahinga.”

Ibibigay na sana ni Maxl si Amalia sa lalaki ay biglang humarang si Ej sa harap, siya ang kumuha kay Amalia.

“Teka, saan mo siya dadalhin?” Hinawakan siya ng lalaki. “Sino ka ba?”

“Ej” malamig na sagot ni Ej sa kanya. “Uwi na ako, Maxl, Abby”

Masuyo akong tumango sa kanya, sumama ang matandang babae kay Ej, ’yung lalaki naman ay inis na pasunod sa kanila samantalang ’yung babaeng kasama ni Ej ay patuloy siyang tinatawag at sinusundan.

I grabbed Maxl’s arm, the two of us just looked at the five of them walking, while Ej just looked at Malia and ignored the girl he was talking to earlier.

“Selos” si Maxl

“Maybe” I said laughing. “Halata masyado.”

Maxl and I continued to go out and enjoy the fiesta, we also bathed in the sea and had fun, we talked sometimes with other people. We didn’t think about anything else but that thing, just the two of us, we were the only ones who felt happy even though there were many people with us. Because I know when we become a family everything we do will be better, Maxl is enjoying herself and I can see her enjoying the family she wants more.

Sana ito na ’yun, sana hindi na siya mawala sa akin at malayo.

Maxl and I got married after three months, in those three months and we were married, I could see how she cried while I was walking to the altar, she was waiting for me, he happily waited for me and watching her was happy and crying. was the first time I saw her because I can say that it was the happiest day that I saw her, a happy day to see that she waited so long for us both to be in this place. Natupad niya at sinasabing panibagong buhay naman ang hihintayin niya para sa aming dalawa.

Kahit ako ay hindi maitago ang tuwa nang magpakasal kami at pinapanood kong makalapit sa kanya dahil pagkatapos ng tatlong taon ay muli naming natupad lahat ng pangarap namin, natupad namin ang pangarap na ang tagal namin bago nakuha.

But everything still hasn’t been easy for me because before the wedding and after something happened to us, it’s still negative, we still can’t have a child, I’m still not getting better even though I keep taking my medication, something that makes me sad. We are married, I want to give her a child and we will have a family together.

Hindi ko pa rin maibigay. We make love at least 3 times a month because I also value my health, Maxl also doesn’t let me get too tired because it might make my body more difficult. Mas mahihirapan akong mag-adjust at makabuo.

“Anak, how are you?” Mommy was holding my hand, smiling widely while looking at me because I visited them here in the city. Maxl is at work, we will meet again later. “How is married life going?”

“It’s okay, Mommy, nothing has changed between Maxl and me even though we’re married, she still takes care of me and doesn’t leave me alone.”

“That’s good, I miss Maxl too, why aren’t you with her?” Daddy while drinking coffee.

“She’s at work, she can come here later.” Daddy nodded at me. “She asked me if I didn’t have work, I said I was busy with one of my flower shops”

“Business woman na ang anak ko. Talaga, manang mana sa akin”

Nagtatawanan kaming tatlo, si Daddy naman ay mas malakas ang tawa kaysa sa aming dalawa ni Mommy. Natatawa na lang tuloy ako sa tono ng pagtawa niya dahil talagang nilalakasan niya iyon.

“So, anak, may problema ka ba? Mukha kang problemado?” si Mommy, nawala ang ngiti ni Daddy at napatigil na rin siya sa pagtawa.

“Gusto ko na magka-anak kami, Mommy” I took a deep breath. “Back then I wasn’t in a hurry, but since he came back and we got married, I want to give her a child and have a child.” My parents just listening to me, I was still holding Mommy’s hand. “Maxl is very fine with her if we don’t have a child yet, she doesn’t have a problem if I can’t give her a child but I really want to give her a child and have a child”

Nagpatuloy ako. “Sabi ng doctor ay maayos naman ako. Ituloy lang daw namin. Tinatake ko pa rin naman ang medication ko pero it’s still negative.”

“I understand, Anak, but don’t put pressure and torture yourself if you can’t do it yet, maybe you have to wait again” si Mommy. “Don’t blame yourself…and maybe you can enjoy your time and Maxl.”

Muli akong napabuntong hininga.

“Ayoko na po kasing mawala si Maxl sa akin.”

Nakatingin lang sa akin ang mga magulang ko bago sila ang nagkatinginan, muling binalik sa akin ang tingin.

“Anak” si Daddy, siya naman ang humawak sa isa kong kamay. “Alam kong natatakot at takot ka na pero pinakasalan ka na ni Maxl, mahal na mahal ka niya, kitang kita ko rin na hinding hindi ka na niya bibiguin.”

Tumango si Mommy.

“Anak, huwag mo masyadong pahirapan ang sarili mo sa pag-iisip na kung hindi mo siya mabigyan ng anak ay nagkukulang ka na, hindi iyon mangyayari at mas lalong hindi iyon ipaparamdam sa’yo ni Maxl.”

Chapter 41

“But baby, I’m fine with—” agad kong pinutol ang sasabihin ni Maxl. 

“Gusto ko na magka-anak tayo, Maxl, isang taon na tayong naghihintay at hanggang ngayon wala pa rin.” Pabalang na binaba ko ang katawan ko sa kama ko. “Ayokong pinaghihintay kita sa–”

“Baby, you never made me wait, I’m not—”

During the one year that we were together as a marriage, in that same year we were always trying, I was trying to build something so that we could have a child. I know 27 years old is too early to have children but we are both settled, ready to be parents and I am even more ready to be a mother.

“Why you never demand me to have a child?” Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya, nagtama ang mga paningin naming dalawa, kung siya tinitignan ko nang emotional pero siya nagiging masuyo pa rin at sobrang haba pa rin ng pasensya niya sa akin.

“Becaus–”

“Lagi na lang naiintindihan mo”

Yes, I understand that she always understands me but even though I don’t feel like she wants us to have a child. I feel that while I long for a child, she does not.

“Love, haven’t we talked about this before?” She slowly sat on the bed next to me, she reached for my hand. “I’m waiting, Abby, I’m not indifferent to the fact that we haven’t had a child until now. But I understand that since you’re the one who will bear our child, I don’t want you to be more difficult and pressured if I force you because that shouldn’t be forced.”

“Pero wala pa rin tayong anak hanggang ngayon” nagiging mataas na ang boses ko. “Isang taon na tayong naghihintay, isang taon na akong naghihntay”

I feel like as time goes on I get more emotional, I get more impatient to wait for us to have a child, I get more impatient with the months and days I wait. That’s the only thing missing, I’m always missing whenever I see Maxl because we still don’t have a child.

“Love, maghintay tayo, please, let’s give wait aga—”

“Isang taon na naman? Hanggang sa ilang taon pa?” Pilit kong pinatatag ang boses ko, naiyak na ako at sobrang naninikip na ang dibdib ko.  “Kung hindi ako naging ganito, matagal na siguro tayong may anak”

Hindi ko na napigilan ang luha ko, tuluyan na akong naiyak. Nramdaman ko ang paglapit ni Maxl sa akin lalo, niyayakap niya ako habang hinahaplos ang magkabilang braso ko.

“Love” nahihirapang tawag niya. “Please naman, huwag ganito, nahihirapan ako kapag nakikita kitang nahihirapan dahil hindi tayo magkaanak. Ayokong ibigay sa’yo ang bagay na alam kung mas mahihirapan ka.”

Agad akong lumayo sa kanya, inalis ko ang pagkakayakap niya sa akin. “Bakit ba hindi ko maramdaman na gusto mo ng anak? Hindi ba’t ’yan naman ang gusto mo noong bumalik ka, ang magkaanak tayo?”

I can see the hurt in her eyes and trying to understand everything I say, trying to calm me down and also trying to make me understand what she wants to understand and feel.

“Love, no matter how many times I want to, if your body can’t handle it, there’s nothing I can do, I’m not demanding a child from you because I don’t want you to think that we need to have a child right away. Pinaramdam ko sayong kahit gaano katagal, hihintayin kong kayanin mo na magka-baby at makabuo na tayo.”

Mas lalong lumakas ang iyak at hagulgol ko dahilan upang mas makita ko siyang nahihirapan na pinapanood ako, pilit akong hinahawakan pero inaalis ko ang pagkakahawak niya sa akin.

“I care, Abby and I am waiting more for our child and you” When I didn’t hold her again she sighed, slowly got up and left the bed. “Kaya kung pwede lang, don’t tell me that I’ve stopped wanting us to have a child”

“Because I also want to have child, I don’t know why you always want us to have children if your body is not capable of it yet, what is the reason why you are always in a hurry to have children? I am here—”

“Dahil ayokong iwanan at mawala ka na naman!” sigaw ko. Mas lalo akong umiyak. Hindi ko siya tiningala. “Paano kung hindi na nga talaga kaya ng katawan ko ang makabuo tayo ng anak? Anong mangyayari, mawawa–”

“Abby, why are you looking at me like that? Am I like that in your eyes? Just because we can’t have a child, you immediately think I’m going to leave you?” I could hear the bitterness in her voice and I cried even more because I knew I was hurting her again.

Silence enveloped us again, I could feel her still standing in front of me and her eyes on me. I’m sobbing and I still can’t stop it, I don’t really know anymore, I feel like I can’t understand what emotions are surrounding, ang tanging alam ko lang gusto ko na matupad lahat ng pinapangarap ko, lahat ng pangarap na binigay ko para sa asawa ko.

Kasalanan ko kasi inuuna ko ’yung emosyon ko kaysa sa asawa ko, mas inuuna ko na kung anong gusto ko at hindi ko na malaman kung ano ’yung mga pinagsasabi ko at binabato kong salita.

“Magpahinga ka na” Iyon ang tanging narinig ko bago siya umalis at narinig ang pagsara ng pintuan.

I cried more and more, my cries got louder and I couldn’t really hide it anymore. It hurts, it hurts that I hurt her but it hurts more that I’m always like this when I’m ready with my plans that’s what I can’t fulfil, I can’t get it and this is me now, it’s hard and it hurts the person I love as well as myself. Na kahit kailan hindi pinaramdam sa akin ni Maxl na dapat kong sisihin ang sarili ko, na dapat kaming magmadali o ano kasi kahit anong mangyari o nangyari sa amin sa loob ng isang taon hindi niya pinaramdam sa akin na dapat akong magmadali pero hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko.

I know my reason for wanting to have a baby, not just because she won’t leave me but because we can become more of a family, because that’s all that’s missing, our child, that’s all we couldn’t get everything we got.

Pakiramdam ko ako ’yung mali for wanting a child, for in a hurry to have a child.

Ilang buwan at inabot pa nga ng isang taon ang pagtitiis at paghihintay ko pakiramdam ko inabot na ako ng sampung taon. Hindi ko akalain sa buong buhay ko na hindi ko naman pinangarap noon ang magkaroon ng anak at ngayon sobrang desidido na akong magkaroon ng anak.

Another thing is that I promised Maxl that she would be my only baby but it didn’t happen, I want her to be my baby and our future child. 

Nakatulog ako mula sa pagkakaiyak at nagising din ako dahil naririnig kong maraming nagsasalita sa sala, nasa Isla na ulit kami kaya narirnig ko rin ang mga manok ko at si Dea na tumatahol.

Bumangon na ako upang lumabas. Walang tao sa hallway kung saan palabas ng back door dahil madadaanan ang kwarto kung saan ako lumabas. Wala rng tao sa kusina kaya napalingon ako sa daan papuntang sala.

“Maxl, pagsubok ninyo lang ’yan ni Abby, sana mapag-usapan ninyo.” Kahit papaano ay masaya kong narinig ang boses ni Rico, dinalaw na naman nila ako. “Parehas pa talaga kayong may trauma sa pagkawala ng isa’t-isa lalo na si Abby, nagiging emosyonal na rin.”

“Pag-usapan ninyo.” si Andy naman ang naririnig ko. “Naiintindihan ko si Abby at naiintindihan ka rin namin.”

“Hayaan mo kausapin din namin si Abby. Ay, hindi pala, sa’yo ako kakausap kasi parehas tayong may talong.” si Ej.

“Gago ka talaga, Ej,kapal ng mukha mo ah, kung hindi pa ikakasal si Abby noon hindi ka pa magpapakita.” si Andy sa kanya. Tuluyan na akong pumasok sa sala, ang unang nakakita sa akin ay si Andy bago silang lumingon sa akin, nagtama rin ang mga mata naming dalawa ni Maxl.

“Abby” tumayo si Rico upang lapitan ako at akala ko ay kasama niya si Ida at Ido na anak nilang lalaki. “Hi”

“Hello” bumeso ako sa kanya at yumakap na rin. Ganon din ang ginawa ko kay Andy, hindi niya kasama si Aki ngayon tanging silang dalawa lang ni Rico ang narito at si Ej naman ay hinaplos lang ang aking buhok.

Humawak ako kay Andy. “Kumusta ka, Andy?” tanong ko sa kanya.

“Buntis na ’yang baklang ’yan” si Ej. “Sana lalaki ulit.”

“Desisyon ka talaga, hayop ka.” si Andy sa kanya. “Pero, oo, buntis na ako ulit.” maliit na ngumiti sa akin si Andy na para bang iniiwasan niyang mag-isip na naman ako ng kung ano-ano o mainggit sa kanya.

“Congrats, Andy”

Pero imbis na ngumiti ang mga kaibigan ko sa kanya ay matagal nila akong tinignan. Nilingon ni Rico si Ej na nasa tabi ni Maxl, si Maxl na tahimik lang at tinitignan ako. Umiwas ako ng tingin, nilingon ang labas ng pintuan, nakita ko si Amalia, bitbit si Maria…ang anak nila ni Ej.

But even though they have a child, I still don’t know what their relationship with Ej is because all I know is that when Amalia got pregnant by Ej because they were both drunk, Amalia was avoiding Ej.

Amalia gave me a small smile before waving, so I waved at her too, which caused my friends to look at her as well.

“It’s Malia” Andy said, she turned to Ej who had been quiet until now and was looking outside.

“Abby, go out with Andy, I’m here outside, Ej and I just talked to Maxl” I didn’t look at Rico, I just nodded and went out, I wasn’t with Andy yet because she left inside. Malawak ang pagkakanggit ko kay Malia ng tuluyan akong makalapit sa kanya.

Wala pang isang taon si Maria, baby pa talaga at laging buhat ni Malia at kasama tuwing dadalaw siya rito sa akin sa bahay.

Nilingon niya ang likod ko, alam kong niligon niya ang mga kasama ko. “Rico and Andy are here pala” tumango ako, dahan-dahan kong kinuha at binuhat si Maria.

I feel so light even though my heart hurts as I look and watch her sleep soundly, a small smile appears on my lips. How does it feel to have a child? maybe even though her relationship with Ej is not good, I know she is happy that she had a child and that is Maria.

“Abby, I hope you don’t hurt Maxl if she understands you and doesn’t rush to have a child.” Malia. Namamasa ang mga mata kong muli na hinaplos ang pisngi ni Maria. “Even me, Abby, I understand but I hope you trust Maxl that if you don’t have a child yet, he won’t be able to leave you.” I looked up and saw that Andy was close to us, stroking his stomach.

“Abby” Andy. She held me again. She smiled at me a little. “It’s okay, it’s not your fault, but I hope you also think about how your baby will feel” tukoy niya kay Maxl.

“Mali ko rin talaga, sobra na akong nagiging emosyonal.” mahina kong sambit. Binigay ko na si Maria kay Malia at umupo kami sa wooden bench na malapit lang sa likod garden. “Iniisip ko agad na baka iwanan niya ako kung matagal pa kami magkakaanak.”

“Abby, what about Maxl? She was a good husband/wife to you and she didn’t think anything wrong of you.” Andy’s voice became gentle next to me. “Abby, I know it’s hard and I don’t know what kind of understanding you’re looking for in your situation, but I hope that Maxl’s understanding of you is the only thing you’ll keep and appreciate.”

“Mas mahalaga ang pag-intindi ni Maxl kaysa sa pag-intindi na binibigay namin sayo, tandaan mo ’yan, Abby kasi kami kaibigan mo at si Maxl, naging girlfriend mo at ngayon asawa mo na paano pa kaya ’yung pag-intindi na ibibigay niya sayo at sa magiging anak nyo diba? Mas malalim ’yun” si Amalia.

Muli akong umiyak sa kanila, napahagulgol na naman ako ng iyak. Ngayon naman ay iniiyakan ko ay ang pagkakaroon ng anak noon ay ang kaligtasan namin ni Maxl ang sarili naming katahimikan at ang buhay ng ibang tao.

Nasasaktan ako sa hindi pagkakaroon at pagtatagal na magkaroon ng anak at hindi ko namalayan na nasasaktan ko na ang ang taong mahal ko at nag-iisang tao na makakaintindi sa akin kaysa sa ibang tao.

Masyado akong naging makasarili, mas kong iniisip na sarili ko lang ang nahihirapan at naghihintay na magkaroon kami ng anak at hindi ko namalayan na may taong nasa tabi ko na kahit kailan ay hindi niya ako pinabayaan at iniwan kagaya ng lagi kong naiisip.

Hindi ko na nga maging maayos sa sarili ko pati pa ang pagiging asawa kay Maxl.

Nagkasama pa ako at ang mga kaibigan ko pagkatapos kong makipag-usap kay Malia at Andy, kumain kami sa likod ng bahay,nakipaglaro sa mga manok ko at iba pang gawain. Naging masaya naman ako kahit papaano kahit pa hindi kami nag-uusap ni Maxl at hanggang tingin lang kami sa isa’t-isa.

Nang umalis ang mga kaibigan ko at si Malia na hinatid ni Rico at Andy sa bahay niya, si Ej ay nakatingin lang sa kanya habang hawak niya ang anak niya kanina, hindi sila nag-uusap ni Malia pero naggampanan naman nila ang gawain nila bilang mga magulang.

Nilingon ko si Maxl na abala sa wawalis sa harap ko, nasa sala na kami at ako ay nakaupo, hinihimas ko ang tyan ko habang nanonood sa mga dumi na nasa dust pan na. Saglit ko nakita ang pagtigil niya, tiningala ko siya at nakatingin sa kamay kong nakahawak sa aking tyan.

Tinigil niya iyon, tinabi ang mga walis at dust pan sa gilid ng sofa kung saan ako nakaupo at binitawan bago siya muling lumapit sa akin. Lumuhod siya sa harapn ko pero hindi niya muna pinansin ang tyan ko na hawak ko dahil nakatingin siya sa mga paa ko.

I can see that my feet are dirty because we almost played in the garden of my friends like children so they are dirty. Kinuha niya iyon at tinignan, hinahaplos niya pa na iyon.

“We need to wash your feet.” Malumanay at masuyo niyang sambit. Muli siyang tumayo at hinawakan ang likod ko at ang dalawang hita ko. She picked me up and we walked into the bathroom. There is a small wooden chair next to the bathtub at nilapag niya ko roon.

Nakatingin lang ako sa kanyang ginagawa, kumuha siya ng tabo sa balde na may laman ng tubig at ibuhos iyon sa aking mga paa. Sumasabay ang mga kamay niyang humahaplos sa akin habang patuloy ang pag-agos ng mga tubig sa akin.

I watched the dirt disappear from my feet, making them clean again. After that, she took a towel and wiped my wet feet carefully and gently. Shee was still caressing it even though she didn’t have a towel in her hand to make sure it was clean.

Our eyes met when she stood up again.

“Would you like a shower? Hot water?” she asked. “Maybe you’re not comfortablel even though I’ve washed your feet”

I shook my head. “It’s fine and I don’t want to take a bath anymore.” she nodded agreeably before taking me back to the sitting position and lifting me up again. Lumabas kami sa sa banyo at ganon pa rin ang tingin ko sa kanya, hindi ko pa rin maalis.

“I’m sorry” mahinang sambit ko nang ibaba niya ako at makatapak ako sa sahig. Hindi ako bukitaw sa kanyang batok. Mas sumiksik ako na para bang gusto ko na namang maiyak.

I know and am aware that I hurt her too much, I hurt her too much with my thoughts that she would never do to me. Kahit kailan ay hinding-hindi niya magawa sa akin, sbra na siguro ako sa pagkakagusto magkaroon ng anak at pamilya at tama siya dahil hindi ko iniisip ’yung sarili ko kung kaya ba ng katawan ko, kung handa na ba ang katawan ko magka-baby kami.

She didn’t say a word but I could already feel her hold and caress on my back, her lips also stuck to my hair.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I hurt you, I’m sorry because I’m only thinking about myself, I’m still trying to have a child and my body can’t handle it yet.” I hugged her tighter, I buried my face in her shoulder. “I’m really afraid that we might change if we don’t have child for a long time, it will be a while before I have child… I’m sorry because I’m so emotional I can’t think about you anymore and I can’t even think about what you feel and how you feel .”

“I’m sorry, love, I am really sorry” Ulit ko pa.

“Hmm” Humigpit ang yakap niya sa akin, ang mga kamay niya ay mahigpit na pumulupot sa aking baywang at tuluyan na niyang binaon ang mukha niya sa aking uhok. “I was hurt but I’m not mad, Abby”

“Sorry, I will never repeat all the things I said and the things I made you feel” She nodded at my head. “I love you, please don’t leave me…”

“I will never leave you, Abby, no matter how many problems come our way now that we are married.” she said gently. “Please, Abby while we’re waiting, I hope I’ll be your baby first, I hope while we’re waiting don’t think we’re the only ones without children because we’re waiting, I know we are will also have a child.” She kissed my hair. “I love you so much, I will always wait for you”

Umiyak ako sa balikat niya pero hindi ko narinig na dapat akong tumigil dahil hinayaan akong umiyak ni Maxl sa bisig niya, hinayaan niya akong magtiwala sa kanya sa lahat ng emosyon ko, lahat ng nararamdaman ko. Because when I’m with her, I can do everything, I can do everything because I trust her that she will understand me better than anyone else, my friends are right, Maxl will understand me more than anyone. Maxl will surpass all the understanding that I want, Maxl will give us everything new and she and me will be able to do that for our relationship.

Maxl slowly laid me down on the sofa, gently caressing me, wiping the tears that flowed from my eyes. She looked at me very gently, soft and full of love, comforting me to stop crying.

Humaplos ang hinlalaki niya sa gilid ng mata ko. “Please, don’t ever cry again about this, baby…” Mas luha pa rin sa akin na tumango ako sa kanya, humawak ako sa magkabilang balikat niya dahil siya ang nasa ibabaw ko. “I want you to cry because you’re happy and we’re happy, not for something like this because I don’t want you to cry and be hurt.”

Muling inilapit siya sa akin upang isubsob ko na naman ang mukha ko sa leeg niya. She was holding my hair and stroking it, stroking it like she really wanted me to stop crying, she really didn’t want me to cry like this.

“Shh…I’m here, please, baby stop crying” Malambot niyang sambit. “I won’t leave you, Abby, I will never do that again, please”

“P-Please even if I have nothing more to give, I hope you will still love me” Humagulgol na ako nang tuluyan sa leeg niya. “P-Please”

“Abby, don’t beg me, please and don’t say that you have nothing to give because I know there is always something, from before until now you never run out of things to give me.” Inilayo niya ako sa kanyang leeg ngunit hawak pa rin ang ulo ko. ““Because I know you won’t hold me back from you and your love, laging meron, Abby, hindi iyon nawawala dahil ramdam kong mahal mo ko, mahal mo talaga ako.” She kissed me softly and tenderly on the lips, I closed my eyes to feel those kisses from her. “Kasama mo ako lagi, pangako ’yan”

Five months passed and Maxl and I were happy, we no longer make it a problem that we took so long to have a child, we enjoy our life just the two of us, we feel better about each other that we don’t have problems, not thinking of something else.

I even saw more of Maxl’s habits that I just laughed, Maxl bought a big TV just to watch football, table tennis, volleyball and basketball games. Sa sobrang laki ay nasisilaw na lang ako tuwing gabi kapag nanonood siya, ayaw niya rin manood na may ilaw, nasisilaw daw siya, isa pa ay nagtayo pa talaga siya ng pangatlong kwarto sa bahay para sa gym room niya, marami rin siyang binili para roon, araw-araw akong may parcel para sa kanya dahil maliban sa gym sa bahay ay nangongolekta siya ng mga lego cars.

“Love, ang dami mo na lego cars” sabi ko habang hawak ko ang parcel niya. Nakaupo siya habang hinahawakan si Dea, kakatapos lang din niyang mag-gym. Tumayo siya agad na may malawak na ngiti sa labi.

“Wow, that’s porsche lego car, baby” Muli akong nagbaba sa dala kong parcel, kinuha niya iyon at muli akong tinignan. “Kailan ang bag mo?”

“Bag ko?” tanong ko. “Anong bag? Nakabili na ako ng bag last week.” She shook her head at me so I frowned at him even more.

“I bought your bag, the new one” she said gently while opening her parcel and I saw that she had bought a Porsche Lego car. “I will pay when I arrive, that’s why I asked because I used your name.”

“Bili ka nang bili ah” ako naman ang nagsalita at nilapitan siya. “Maligo ka muna bago natin buuin ’yan”

Lumapit siya sa akin, humalik sa aking pisngi bago na naman ngumiti. Kahit pawis siya ay mabango pa rin siya, fresh na fresh pa rin.

“Let’s go?” hinawakan niya ang kamay ko.

“Ay anong sabay? Tapos na akong maligo.”

“Oh, you done” naging mahina ang boses niya.

“Oh bakit ang lungkot mo?” Asar na tanong ko sa kanya, natatawa ako kapag ganyan siya dahil naging malungkot ang mukha niya at nakanguso pa siya. “Mamaya na lang tayo sabay maligo.”

Muling sumilay ang ngisi sa kanya, tumayo na siya at muli akong hinalikan bago dumiretso na sa banyo. Ako naman ay natawa na lang sa inaasal niya. Muli kong nilingon ang binili niya, maganda iyon at mag-eenjoy na naman akong buuin kasama siya, laging ganon ang gawain namin tuwing may lego cars siya, magkasama kaming bumubuo.

Apart from the building lego, I am also with her when I plant plants and flowers in the garden, I have also enlarged my previously small garden because I want a lot of flowers, fruits and plants. Sometimes in the morning she is the one who waters them, she is always ahead of me and she always says that she likes what she is doing.

And after another year of waiting, we have fulfilled what we have been waiting for a long time, I was looking at my pregnancy kit and it was positive, which means I am pregnant.

“Love!” I called Maxl because she was in the kitchen preparing chao fan for me. “Love”

“Love, coming!” she shouted and I heard her footsteps approaching the bathroom, I opened it. “Bab–”

“Love!” I immediately showed her the pregnancy kit. She took it immediately and looked at it, just like my reaction, she did the same, I could see she wanted to cry but she was more happy. “I’m pregnant, we’re going to have a baby!”

Chapter 42

“Baby, how are you? what do you want?”

“Baby, what’s hurt?”

“Love, you and baby is fine?”

Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses na niya akong tinanong, ilang beses na niya ako inaasikaso at hindi rin mapapantayan ang saya ko dahil sa mga ginagawa niya para sa akin at sa anak namin.

Hinawakan niya ang tummy ko at masuyong-suyo na hinahaplos iyon, nakangiti siya, kitang-kita ko na sobrang masaya siya at parang gusto na niyang umiyak tuwing hinahaplos niya ang tummy ko.

She looked up at me again. I have been pregnant for two months and in three months we will know the baby’s gender.

“Love, can we talk about the name of our baby?” Maxl. Kiss my cheek and lips. “let’s talk about it”

Tumango ako sa kanya nang paulit-ulit. “Yes, baby, so what you want if girl ang baby natin?”

“What about Aviel?” siya. Sobrang lawak ng ngiti niya. “And if a boy, Max”

“Really?” Hindi ko na rin maitago ngiti at saya ko. “Wala na akong sasabihin na names kasi lahat ng sinasabi mo ay ayos na!”

“Sure? What yours, love, just say it!”

We couldn’t take away our smiles, we really waited a long time to get to this point, before we didn’t talk about the future names of our baby because our focus before was to wait first if we would have a baby and now it’s here and this is also the time when we are more happy deciding what their name will be.

“I’m sure and fine with Max and Aviel, love” hinahaplos ko ang kamay niyang humahaplos pa rin sa aking tyan.

“So, let’s buy baby’s things” Shee kissed my lips again. “And your things as a mother, those you need.”

I gave her a sweet smile. “Maybe just clothes, my tummy is going to be big, I need big clothes too” Tumango siya nang paulit-ulit.

“Sure, baby, anything for you and our baby. What else?”

“Wala pa muna siguro, si baby na muna.”

“Ikaw na muna bago si baby, we need to your needs before our baby, pangalawa na muna si baby.” Ngumiti siya. “Pwede naman, sabay kayo pero uunahin na muna kita, Abby”

She gave me kisses on my forehead, hugged me so tightly that i closed my eyes and feel her.

“I love you, Abby, you and our baby” She said sweetly. “Aalagaan ko kayo, pangako”

“Love, walang mabibiling pizza na rainbow” si Maxl nang pumasok siya sa sala.

Napanguso ako habang hawak ang tyan ko. Tatlong buwan na ang tyan ko kaya ang dami ko na namang cravings.

“Love, promise, wala akong nakitang pizza na rainbow” Napayuko ako at gusto na umiyak dahil iyon ang craving ko na hindi niya naibigay sa akin. Noong isang araw ko pa gusto ng rainbow na pizza.

Hindi ako nagsalita, nakayuko lang ako habang tahimik at nakahawak sa aking tyan. HInahaplos ko iyon.

“Baby, masakit ba ang tiyan mo?” She immediately took me to bed. She was still carrying a bag but I don’t know what it was. “Is Baby kicking again?”

I nodded and looked up at her.

“Baby, I’m sorry but I’m willing to make pizza rainbow right now, I just really tried to find it first” her voice became sweeter and gentle, she also held my tummy and was caressing it. I shook my head and remained silent. “Baby, please talk, or if you don’t want rainbow pizza, what else do you want?”

“You” I answered as I saw how she was surprised and her eyes widened.

“I’m already here, love” Umabot ang kamay niya sa aking pisngi, hinaplos din iyon bago binigyan ako ng halik. “What else?”

“Talong mo, pwede ba?” Kita kong umawang na namana ng bibig niya. “Bawal na naman? Edi ’wag, lahat na lang—”

“Why?” tanong niya. “I’m not a food. You need to eat, love for our baby na rin”

“I want chao fan with many egg”

“Okay, baby” Binitawan niya ako at tumayo pero agad kong kinuha ang kamay niya para pigilan siya. “You stay here, love”

“Bawal na ba akong sumama sa’yo?” Napayuko na naman ako at gusto ko na namang umiyak. “Siguro ayaw mo na akong kasama” Binitawan ko siya pero bago ko pa siya mabitawan nang tuluyan ay muli niya akong hinawakan.

“I want you to rest, that’s why I told you to be here first but if you really want to, come with me” She said.

“Naiinis ka na ba sa akin? Ang emotional at ang moody ko lagi, ang dami kong gusto.”

I didn’t hear her speak but because I was bending down I saw her kneeling in front of me. Our eyes meet, her eyes are very calm and I don’t see annoyance or even anger in them.

“Baby, no matter what you do I won’t be upset or angry. That’s normal because you’re pregnant, there’s nothing wrong with that or whatever emotions you’re showing. I understand and I shouldn’t give it a problem.” masuyong hinawakan niya pa ang isang kamay ko. “Don’t worry too much, baby, I am fine with everything”

I didn’t say anything and I just hugged her, I did it very tightly to make her feel that I love her very much and I am very grateful that she understands everything and that she is always here for me, always take care and love me.

Nakayakap ako kay Maxl habang nagluluto siya nang hapunan naming dalawa, tinitignan ko ang niluluto niya at kung minsan naman ay sumusubsob ako sa kanyang likod habang inaamoy siya.

“Baby, magpaheck-up na tayo” si Maxl. “When do you want?”

“Bukas” mabilis kong sagot at muling sumiksik sa kanya. “Meron dito sa Isla, maliit lang na health center, si Tito Elvin”

“Si Tito Elvin na Daddy ni Ej?”

“Yes”

“Okay, si Tito na lang tayo magpacheck-up, ayos lang iyon ha?”

Tumango akong muli sa kanyang likuran, hinawakan ko ang tummy niya at hinahaplos iyon. Since I got pregnant, I want to really feel her, I want to be able to talk to her all the time, I want her attention to be on me because if she doesn’t give it to me, I feel like I just want to cry, I feel weak, para akong nanghihina na hindi ko maintindihan.

Sabi ni Mommy ay baka si Maxl na rin ang pinaglilhian ko minsan, minsan naman masaya ako sa kanya, minsan naman ay naiinis ako kahit wala siyang ginagawa kahit nga ang malakas niyang paghinga ay kinaiinisan ko na minsan.

Natatawa na lang siya sa akin at yayakapin niya ako, minsan naman ay tatahimik siya dahil naiingayan ako sa tawa niya. Wala pakiramdam ko nabaliw talaga ako literal, iba naman ’yung baliw ko noong wala pa kaming anak pero ngayon grabe na talaga, pakiramdam ko gusto na niya ako tirisin sa isip niya.

“Wow, It’s a baby boy!” Masayang sambit ni Tito Elvin habang nakatingin na sa amin at wala na sa monitor. “Congratulation!”

“HALA! SABI KO NA NGA BA LALAKI ’YAN!” si Joshua na nagsisigaw na sa labas, wala naman kasing salamin ang pintuan, nakabukas lang iyon kaya narinig nila ng mga pinsan ko.

“Hala! Ang lakas talaga ng dasal mo!” si Cris. “May baby boy na tayo!”

“Sana sa akin magmana si Baby!’ si Maya.

“Gaga, ikaw ba nanay?” si Cristal. “Baliw na kayong lahat”

Umiiyak na napatingin ako kay Maxl na sobrang masaya rin sa nalaman niya, mahigpit niyang hinawakan ang kamay ko habang hindi maialis sa kanyang labi ang malawak na ngiti.

“Love” naiiyak na tawag ko. Paulit-ulit siyang tumango sa akin na hindi pa rin nawawala ang ngiti. “It’s Max”

“Yes, baby, It’s baby Max”

Naririnig kong nagsisigawan na ang mga pinsan ko, nairirnig ko na rin ang boses ni Elijah na mas nangingibabaw pa sa mga pinsan ko, lahat sila natutuwa at nagkakagulo na rin sa labas, nagtatatalunan na sila Maya habang nakatingin sa akin.

“Omg, nanay si Abbyngot” si Joshua. “Parang dati, alaga lang kita.”

“Tarantado” si Cris. “Noon bata, ngayon may bata na.” mas lalo silang nagtawanan. Natawa na rin si Maxl at Tito.

“Dahil dyan marami akong regalo” si Agustina sa akin. “Ako na bahala sa anak mo, mabubusog at mabubuhay na ’yan”

Pagkatapos ng check up na iyon ay nagkaroon kami ng kaunting salo-salo sa likod bahay, kumpleto na rin kami dahil pumunta na rin sila Rico, si Aki ay naroon na rin, ikakasal palang sila ni Andy kaya mas lalo kaming nagsaya, mas masaya na rin ako dahil sigurado na talaga sila sa isa’t-isa, ang tanging hinihintay ko na lang ay si Ej at Malia.

Nag-inom sila Maxl, Rico at Ej kasama si Cris at Joshua, hiwalay sila ng table pero nakukuha pa rin ang mga mata ni Maxl sa akin, walang minuto na hndi niya ako tinignan, laging tinitiganan at para bang ayaw niyang mawala ako sa paningin niya. Sumesenyales pa siya minsan kung ayos lang ba ako habang ako naman ay tumatango sa kanya na may kasamang ngiti pa.

Ngakwentuhan lang din kaming mga babae, literal na nahiwalay kami kila Maxl kaso mas malakas pa ang bunganga ni Joshua at Rico kaya ang nangyayari ay napagagalitan ni Ida si Rico, si Malia naman ay minsan nakikita kong nakatingin sa phone niya, pabalik-balik iyon kaya nagsalita na si Agu sa tabi niya.

“Lia, may problema ba?” tanong niya rito. “Kumusta si baby Maria? Sino ba kasama ngayon?” Nag-angat naman ng tingin sa kanya si Lia, may maliit na ngiti at tuluyan na tinago ang phone sa bulsa niya.

“Si Tita Patricia ang bantay ni baby ngayon, si Zixo kausap ko kasi kauuwi lang niya, tinatanong ko si Baby dahil hindi nakakapag-replyl sa akin si Tita”

“Oh si Zixo, ’yung naghanap sa’yo noong nasa festival tayo sa kabilang isla?” tanong ko naman agad.

“Oo!” masayang sabi niya. “Siya rin minsan may bantay kay baby Maria”

“Talaga? Pogi ba ‘yan?” si Maya. “Tingin nga kun—’

“Ej, dahan-dahan lang” narinig ko ang boses ni Maxl kaya napalingon ako sa kanila. Kita ko si Maxl na pinipigilan si Ej sa tabi niya na naglagay ulit ng alak sa baso at ininnom iyon, nilingon din nila ako ni Rico sabay baling ulit kay Ej.

“Manahimik ka na, Maya” si Agustina sa kanya. Nanahimik naman ito, nanahimik kaming lahat pero naroon pa rin ang tinginan naming lahat, maliit na lang na ngumiti sa akin si Malia.

Nang sumapit ang 9pm ay lumapit na sa akin si Maxl, nilingon ko siya dahil natigil ang pagkukwentuhan namin sa table sa paglapit niya.

“Sorry but Abby needs to rest” Maxl said, she smiled a little at cousin and friend and me. “You need to rest, I’ll clean you up and you can go to bed”

“Oh, magpapahinga na ang buntis” si Maya sabay taas ng baso niya na may laman na alak, lasing na siya habang ang iba ay kaunti palang ang tama, siya na lang ang malala. “Ge, layas” Hinawakan niya ang braso ko at pinipindot na para bang iyon ang way niya na paalisin ako.

Si Cristal ay tulog na, nakaheaddown na sa table, si Agu naman ay nakapikit na habang nakasandal sa upuan niya, si Malia naman ay tanging kumakain ng nachos tinatanguan din ako na magpahinga na rin ako. Si Valerie naman ay nahuhulog na ang ulo kay Cristal.

“Sige, magpapahinga na ako pero magpahinga na rin kayo” Umiiling si Maya habang nakataas pa rin ang kamay niya hawak ang baso, nilingon ko si Maxl, nakatingin siya kay Maya sabay baling sa akin. “Love, pwede patulong muna?”

“Yes, love, but I will put you before them” Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko. Ako naman ay maliit na ngumiti sa kanya. Lumapit sa akin at hinalikan ako sa noo. “After you, Abby, I’ll come back here to help them, so don’t worry.”

Saglit ko pang nilingon ang mga kasama ko, tinanguan pa akong muli ni Malia upang ipaalam sa akin na ayos lang sila roon, wala pa naman siyang tama at nasa tamang pag-iisip pa naman kahit pa namumula na rin siya.

Pumasok kami sa bahay na hawak pa rin ni Maxl ang kamay ko, maingat niya akong hinahawakan o kaya naman ay bahagyang ginagawi ang kamay ko sa kung saan man siya papunta, hindi ko na rin mabilang kulang ilang beses niya akong nilingon hanggang sa makarating kami sa kwarto.

Tahimik lang kaming dalawa, pinakikiramdaman ang isa’t-isa at ang katahimikan na talaga namang mahal na mahal at kumportable kaming dalawa. Hawak pa rin niya ang kamay ko kahit na naghahanap na siya ng isusuot ko, nilingon niya ako nang may makuha siyang damit at shorts para sa akin.

“These aren’t tight,” she looked at me. “Are you okay with this? I’ll just wipe you off, it’s too late to take a bath, you can take a bath tomorrow.” Tumango ako sa kanya. “Okay, let’s go to bathroom”

Just like Maxl said, she just wiped me with warm water, she also wiped my feet properly, making sure they were really clean. I’m not comfortable with my feet being dirty and not properly clean, I’m having a hard time sleeping.

When we were done and she was putting my clothes on, she gently led me to sit on the bed, leaned me against the back of the bed and looked at me again.

I didn’t drink alcohol because it’s not for pregnant women, but I could smell a little alcohol on Maxl.

“Oh” Bahagyang nagbaba siya ng ulo upang amuyin ang sarili niya. Tumayo siya at bahagyang lumayo sa akin na siyang kinatingala ko naman sa kanya. “You can sleep now, love, I’ll help our friends and your cousins ​​outside to take them to their rooms and then I’ll come back here to take a shower.”

Nanatili akong tahimik at kita kong napansin niya iyon at kahit siya ay napatigil na rin habang nakatingin sa akin.

“Doc said pregnant women shouldn’t smell like this…they’re sensitive to smells, sorry”

“I am fine” Masuyong tumango siya.

“I know and I want to follow all of that because you’re pregnant and I also want to take care of you and baby Max” Ngumiti siyang muli. “I’ll be back, I promise, I also promised you earlier that I would help your friends and cousins ​​outside, you go to sleep first. I’ll be by your side later”

Hinalikan niya ang noo ko bago lumabas, hindi ko inalis ang tingin ko sa sa pintuan hanggang sa magsara na iyon at tuluyan ko nang hindi nakita ang katawan ni Maxl. Napahawak ako sa tyan ko nang tuluyan akong mahiga, hinahaplos ko iyon.

“Your Momdy always taking care of me and you, I hope you know that…” masuyong sambit ko.

Just in my stomach I saw Maxl taking care of us, she was always attentive, every minute she asked me if I was okay even when I was only with her, her simple gestures and movements makes me so happy and smile too much.

She does a lot that she doesn’t know that gives me so much happiness and joy, she has done more now that I didn’t see when we weren’t married, I felt more like she loves me, I felt more that she would do everything not just me disappear and let’s not be separated anymore. She also does everything for her son and me, I’m sure she will do even more when baby Max finally comes out of me.

Alam kong kahit kailan hindi hahayaan ni Maxl mabigo siya sa akin pero kahit mabigo siya hindi magbabago ang lahat, hindi magbabago na mahal ko siya at walang kahit anuman ang makakatanggal non.

I am sure of her, I will never make a mistake and I will never feel that Maxl is lacking for me because she is too much for me. I like her being too much for me more than anything.

I saw Maxl crying as she held Max, caressing our son tenderly when he came out of me, I was still a little weak but my heart was so light when I saw Maxl’s reaction, she looked crying came to me and held my hand.

“Love…” she called, I held her hand back. “After baby, I’ll take care of you”

I nodded willingly and she was able to stroke my hair before kissing my forehead while she stilling carrying Max.

“I love you, Abby, I love you so much and baby Max” Bumaba ang halik niya sa aking labi. “I love you, always”

Ever since Max came out, Maxl has always focused on us, she almost never left me, she never let go of Max if I didn’t take him. She really likes to hold our son and give him kisses on the cheek.

“Baby” tawag niya nang makapasok siya na may dalang tray, dalawang pagkain para sa aming dalawa. Lumapit siya na may ngiti sa labi dahil dumedede sa akin si Max, pinapanood niya si Max habang ako naman ay inaabala ang sarili ko sa panonood kay Maxl, kung paano kuminang ang mga mata niyang pinapanood ang anak namin. “Max is so cute and pogi…” Tinaas niya ang isang daliri niya at nilapit iyon sa pisngi ni Max.

“Kamukha mo nga” sabi ko. Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin na may ngiti pa rin sa labi.

“You said I’m pogi” Tumango naman ako na may ngiti rin sa labi. “That’s why Max is pogi and cute” Nilapit niya ang mukha sa akin at hinalikan ako sa labi. “Baby Max is already asleep, I can put him in the crib and let’s eat”

She slowly took Max from me. “I will clean you, wait for me, Love” Kita ko pa rin ang pagiging masuyo at pagkinang mga mata niya habang nakatingin kay Max. “Goodnight, my baby, bukas ulit ikaw kay Mommy” Tumigil siya sa crib, kit ako kung paano niya hinalikan nang sobrang tagal ang noo ni Max bago binaba, inayos niya ang kunin at kumot ni Max bago ulit hinalikan. “I love you, Max, goodnight, sleepwell”

May ngiti ang mga labi naming dalawa nang magtama ang paningin namin, naglalakad na siya papalapit sa akin at nang makalapit ay hinalikan ang noo ko.

“Baby, you want to shower?” Umiling ako. Sobrang pagod na rin ko para maligo. “Or you just want to wipe your nipples?” Bumaba ang tingin niya sa nipples ko, inabot niya ang wipes sa table at kumuha roon. “It’s hurt?”

“A bit”

“Is Max’s mouth more pain than me?” Agad kong kinurot ang pisngi niya. “Kidding, baby but….”

Humawak ang kamay niya sa dibdib ko, dahan-dahan niyang nilaro ang nipple ko gamit ang hintuturo niya. “I miss your boobies” Bahagya niyang pinisil iyon kaya mas lalo ko siyang kinurot.

“Tumigil ka, gutom na ako” Tumawa siya, nagpatuloy siya sa paglinis sa akin nang matapos ay masaya niya na naman akong inasikaso, kinuha niya ang bowl.

“Look baby! Chicken Ala-king” Her wide smile made me smile too, I can see her happiness even more, especially when it’s just the two of us together every night.

“Taste it, Love!” she put the spoon with rice and chicken slices with sauce in my mouth. I opened my mouth and tasted it. Lumaki ang mga mata ko, napapalakpak pa ako dahil sobrang sarap no’n, kahit walang sauce ay may lasa pa rin ang chicken.

“Ang sarap!” kinuha ko na ang kutsara ko at kumain akong muli, sobrang nagustuhan ko talaga at kahit ano pa yatang lutuin niya ay magugustuhan ko lahat, dahil masarap siyang magluto.

Humalik siya sa akin pagkatpaos niya sumubo ng pagkain niya.

“What do you want tomorrow? Para na rin kay baby”

“Sinigang na baboy!” natutuwang sambit ko. Tumango-tango naman siya sa akin.

“Mabubusog kayo lagi ni baby.” Nagpatuloy kami sa pagkain habang nagkukwentuhan pa, wala na rin siyang tigil kakahalik sa akin pagkatapos naming kumain, ramdam ko tuloy namiss niya ako kahit magkasama lang kami buong araw. “Namiss kita, may kaagaw na ako sa’yo, si baby”

Tumawa ako sabay yakap sa kanya at halik. “Ito talaga, kayong dalawa ang baby ko” Sumiksik siya sa aking leeg habang mahigpit pa rin ang yakap sa akin. “I love you”

“I love you so much, asawa ko” She hugged me tighter and buried her face in my neck, I could feel her kiss there and her smell. “Let’s continue together, we won’t be separated anymore”

“Hindi na, sobrang masaya na tayo,tuloy-tuloy na tayo.”

A/N:

The next chapter is Maxl’s P.O.V, pasensya na kung mabilis, I also want to write Maxl’s P.O.V and finish this story. Thank you so much for waiting and patience, take care and stay safe everyone!

NOTE

Hi, sorry because I haven’t been able to update dahil hell weeks, finals na rin kaya wala pa akong time, promise after this I will update, thank you so much for understanding and take care always.

Chapter 43

“Anak, I don’t know where’s your Mom and Dad, I’m really trying to find them until now…” I still looked gently at Mommy Amanda when she told me that but I could see concern in her eyes but for me it’s fine, I know and I accept it, it’s better that I found out earlier than I will wait for everything for my real parents.

I held her hand to make her feel that she was not at fault, that there was nothing wrong with her trying everything and that there was nothing wrong with her saying that right away, I had no problem because she made me feel complete even though she said she wasn’t my real mother but to me she was my real mother and loved me in a way that my real parents couldn’t. Loved me in a way more than anything.

“Do you want us to look for your parents again?” I shook my head gently, caressing her hand to calm her down because I could see she was nervous and seemed a little panicked.

“No need, Mommy, I’m doing so well with you, we don’t need to force someone who doesn’t want to be searched. I’m not looking for them anymore.”

Her hands held both of my cheeks, caressing them as if it were the first time she had ever touched me. But no matter how many times she touched or caressed me, it would still bring me so much joy and peace. All my life, I have wanted nothing more than to return the love she gives me so willingly. No matter what happens in my life, that’s the first thing I will always do, is to put my mother first, the mother who has been more than a mother to me.

I closed my eyes when her lips landed on my forehead. “I’ll always be here, Anak, I’ll never leave you…I love you so much”

“I love you too, Mommy” I hugged her tighter, she wrapped her arms around my neck while I was feeling her so much.

“I know, Anak, but I can’t be with you in the Philippines yet” I didn’t say anything I closed my eyes still hugging her. “I still have a lot of work to do…”

Mommy was stroking my hair she was still hugging me and I was the same way with her.

“Mom, why didn’t you divorce your husband?” Because of my question, I felt Mommy stop stroking my hair. “Why until now, Mommy, couldn’t you leave him?”

I don’t know but I feel like there’s another reason why she still hasn’t divorced Maxwell, Maxwell who was never a good husband to Mommy, wasn’t good to me even though I didn’t want that.

Have they stolen so much from our family? from Mommy’s family? Have they become so rich because of theft? Because of drugs? Because of moeny? Is that the influence of money on people? Even his own wife, he couldn’t respect her anymore.

I let go of Mommy and she just looked at me as if waiting for what I would say.

“Mom, if you and the law can’t do it, I’ll do it, I’ll take action…” I stood up and she followed me with her gaze until I approached the bar counter and got a glass, I poured a Jack Daniels and sipped it. “I can do it”

Is the law that rubbish? I don’t know that even though the citizens are tired of working and the taxes they pay only go to useless laws and governments. Malala na talaga.

“Maxl!” Aki’s smile was wide as she greeted me in the parking lot, I smiled at her, raising my hand to meet her palm as well. “When did you get back?”

“Just last night” I put my arm around her as I closed my Ford Raptor. “How are you?”

“I am fine, I saw Andrea Maniego” I look at her with smile.

“It’s that Andy? From BSBM?” She nooded at me. “You like her?”

“Maybe? Or maybe crush”

I shook my head with a smile still on my face as we walked towards the elevator. When it opened, Aki and I were surprised to see Andrea Maniego there with Rico and the other one was Abbigail Del Mundo.

“Oh, hi” Abby greeted me, that was our second meeting because the first time we met, the Professor talked to me about the minor subject and I gave him the papers. “hi, Aki” I looked at Aki who had been quiet earlier, quietly entered and I followed.

“Hello, Abbigail” I greeted her warmly. She smiled at me and so did her friends. “How are you?” Nasa likod namin sila, mas matangkad kaming tatlo ni Rico kaya binaba ko pa siya ng tingin habang siya naman ay nakatingala sa akin.

“I am fine, wala kayong photoshoot?” I didn’t take my eyes off her, I don’t know but ever since I saw her I can’t take my eyes off her when I’m in front of her, my eyes are glued to her, I can’t take them off and I want to keep looking at her until she herself looks away.

Umiling ako. “Nothing and how about you and your friends?” 

“Pabalik na kami, tapos na break” 

My eyes stayed on her, we both looked at each other for so long I don’t know but those eyes were light, affectionate and as if she were giving me that on purpose.

I nodded. We were silent again in the elevator, I didn’t hear Aki speak or even look at Andy until the elevator stopped on the 3rd floor. Aki and I got out first because we were in front.

Abby and I met again when she passed me, she was still looking up at me while I looked at her affectionately and smiled.

“Saan kayo? Ikaw, Maxl?” The smile on her lips never left her face so all I could do was smile at her and answer whatever she asked me, no matter how many times she asked me, I could still answer all of them.

“I’m in the studio.” My eyes turned to Aki who was still silent but I saw her stealing a glance at Andy who was looking at her the same way. I just smiled inside. “Where is your room?”

“Dyan lang!’ si Rico ang nagturo ng pangalawang room na malapit sa elevator. “Pwede ba kami tumambay minsan sa studio room?” he added. I nodded at him.

“Yes, you can” I turned back to Abby who was still looking at me, I didn’t seem to be able to take my eyes off her, it seemed like she didn’t want to take her eyes off me. “Just knock on the door, I’m always there”

I glanced at Abbigail once when they entered their room, I looked at the room number, I didn’t know that she was just near me because I didn’t pay much attention to that thing even the first time I was with her and talked to her. She would always pass by the studio room and I would do the same in her classroom.

“You know Abbigail Del Mundo?” I asked Aki as she sat down on the sofa while I adjusted my camera. She looked at me with a silly grin on her lips. I shook my head at her action but my way of understanding what I had asked her was more effective.

“Abby is your type?” Her voice became playful. “Gerald doesn’t know that you both have something hidden in your pants”

Muli akong umiling. “Stop it, I’m talking about Abbigail” Ulit ko pa.

Aki laughed at me but I ignored it, I put down the camera and sat next to her, he put her arm around me. “Single si Abby” She raised her eyebrows twice. “But you really like Abby?”

I shook my head. “Hindi?! Eh bakit mo tinatanong?” Parang nadismaya pa ang boses niya nang gawin ko iyon.

“I just asked if you know her, how well do you know her?” Aki gave me a hard look, so I laughed at her behaviour.

“Hindi ka interesado pero ganyan ka magtanong, ano ba kasi ’yun? Bakit mo nga tinatanong?” I shook my head again ’cause I really don’t know why I am asking about Abbigail na ngayon ko lang naman siya ulit nakasama at nakausap.

I don’t know but I feel at ease with her even though all she gives me is smiles and words and It’s the first time I’ve felt this way about a woman I’ve only met once. Of course, the first person to give it to me was my Mommy Amanda, but if we’re talking about other people, it was Abbigail who gave it to me, her alone.

“I don’t know” I answered briefly. “I just wanted to ask about her.”

“You’re too obvious” she added to me. “What do you want to know about Abby?”

“Whatever you can say about her, that’s fine with me.” She looked at me for a long time as if she wanted to tease me again. “I’m serious”

“I’ve been talking to her since Andy is her friend, all I know is that her parents are business men and business women, her family is all over Del Mundo but you’re still richer” I shook my head at her again. “Gago, huwag kang humble”

“Matalino rin ’yun, business woman talaga ang dating, narinig ko nga sa kanya na gusto niya ng flower shop after graduation. Maraming plano ’yun pero hindi ko alam kung may crush ba siya, kung d’yan ka rin ba interesado.” She stopped. “Wow, straight tagalog, naiintindihan mo pa ba?”

I nodded at her. “It’s like you don’t have any Japanese in your Tagalog” Tumawa siya kaya napailing ako.

“Maliit na bagay, iyan na yata ang pinakamagandang narinig ko.” I caressed her hair. “Kung type mo si Abby, go. Halatang hindi ’yun straight”

I fell silent and thought again about what Aki had told me, we still don’t know much about Abby, especially me, so I don’t know if I should do anything to find out more about her. It’s true that Aki, I’ve become interested in her, I want to know more about her or maybe I can see her at least twice a day.

I’m happy when I see her only once a day because sometimes they’re busy, while I’m only in the studio when we have a photoshoot, when there’s a model and when I need to take care of something with my classmates. I get busy but I don’t forget to go out of the studio room to peek into Abbigail’s room to see if she’s inside, sometimes I pass by but I can’t see her there, sometimes she’s busy so it’s enough for me to catch a glimpse of her before she even feels like someone is looking at her.

I don’t know if I should secretly take a picture of her, I feel so weird when I do that because apart from just knowing her, she’s not my friend or relationship to do that, she’ll be uncomfortable and I’ll also think differently about myself but every time I catch a glimpse of her, I can’t help but think that I should capture her, that I should have at least one picture of her on my camera.

Mariin akong napailing habang hawak ang camera ko.

Maybe I’m going crazy, maybe I just can’t do anything sometimes because I’ve never been busy, I manage and balance my time so when I’m not doing anything, Abbigail is the one I think about and even when I’m doing something, Abbigail is still the one I think about. She hasn’t left my mind.

“Nababaliw ka na, gago” I silently looked at Aki, we were already in the canteen eating. “Kaunti na lang sasabihin ko kay Abby na crush mo siya.”

My eyes widened at what she said, I grabbed her and motioned for her to be quiet because someone might hear us.

“Don’t be loud, Aki” I said. “Just eat.”

“Mukha ka na kasing baliw” Muli ko siyang tinignan. “Abī ni sore o tsutaemasu” Naningkit ang mga mata ko sa kanya, siya naman ay tumawa.

“I don’t understand Japanese, only Tagalog”

“Ulol, hindi ka nga rin makaintindi ng tagalog minsan.” I shook my head at her again, I just want to laugh when the two of us are together.

“But I’m serious, tell Abbigail that, if you got rejected then it’s okay at least you told her how you feel.”

“I just don’t want her to be turned off by me because we’ve only just met” I said softly. “What if she doesn’t like my confession to her? What if she doesn’t talk to me anymore after I confess”

Aki looked at me for a long time, as if she was being coaxed and really remembering what I had said.

“Malakas na ’yang tama mo, wala na ’yan”

“What?”

“Sabi ko tinamaan ka na”

“Tinamaan?”

“Gago, bahala ka”

Tinawanan ko lang siya. Napailing na lang siya sa akin.

“How about you? Tell Andy that.” Her eyes widened at me, her mouth still full of food as she stared at me in shock.

“What?! No way! I won’t admit it!” she shouted, making me laugh. “Andy won’t like me”

“How could you say that?” I was the one who asked her the same thing.

“I didn’t think she would like me, I was just an idiot”

“Good thing you know”

“Fuck you” Mas natawa ako. Napailing na lang ako.

“Sabihin mo na ’yan kay Abby, kahit ikaw na lang, huwag na ako.”

She finished eating so she could talk to me better.

“I’ll admit it but not now”

“What if Abby has a crush on you too?” I stopped and thought about it.

Will Abbigail like me? What is there about me that she should like? Or what is there in me to make her crush on me? I’m just a quiet person, I don’t socialize much with people, I’m not friendly either, I don’t go with anyone and not even with Abbigail’s group. It seems like there’s nothing special about me that someone could like, especially Abbiggail. She’s too good for me, she’s too good for me that I can’t see myself being able to liked by her.

“She’s too good for me”

“You didn’t want that? That she’s good for you?” Nagtama ang paningin naming dalawa.

“I like it but what if she likes me or is good for me, and I’m not?”

Aki shook her head at me. “From what I can see, no, you and she are very good for each other. And I also don’t see how you wouldn’t be good if you two were together.” She grabbed my shoulder. “I understand, it’s your first time liking someone so you’re saying that, but try it, there’s nothing wrong with it. That’s Abbigail Del Mundo, ang gusto ng lahat”

“Everyone wants her, who am I?” I said.

“Stupid, you’re richer” Dagdag niya. “Mas marami kang pera, mabibili mo mga food niya.”

“Mukha kang pagkain.”

“Wow nagtagalog siya!”

I took a deep breath when I caught sight of Abbigail alone in the grass field, she wasn’t with her friends so I could catch a glimpse of her more freely, I was far away so I was sure she wouldn’t feel anyone watching her because there were many students walking and hanging around.

“Oh, take it, it’s okay, you’re not crazy yet” si Aki. “Ay, baliw ka na pero ayos lang ’yan”

Humigpit ang hawak ko sa camera ko, lagi kong dala iyon dahil hindi lang naman si Abbigail ang gusto kong makuhaan sa aking camera.

I took a deep breath before I pointed my camera at her, I guess my heart felt even happier when I could peacefully gaze at her on camera, I didn’t capture her first, I just watched her fix her hair which was blowing because of the strong wind, her nose was so pointed because she was on her side, her eyelashes I really liked the length especially her eyes I could see how peaceful, beautiful and deep they were. Those are the things I glimpsed that I don’t want to miss anymore, it’s so peaceful, I’m happy with the peace she gives me even though she doesn’t know it.

“Damn, bro, you so fucked up”

“Shut up” I put down my camera and looked at her again from a distance, she was already holding her hair tucked behind her ear to keep it from being blown away by the wind. “Maybe I’ve fallen”

“You’re the only one denying your feelings”

Huminga ako at nilingon siya.

“I’m in love” Tumango siya.

“Oo, baliw ka na” Inakbayan ko si Aki. “Oh, ano? Totoong baliw ka na”

“I know…” I’ve only felt this way now, peaceful, troubled but happy, my heart is happy when Abbigail is there, when I think of her I feel even more at peace, in the right frame of mind, in the right frame of mind that only she can do this.

I am at peace, I am in love.

“Maxl” I looked at Abbigail, she was in front of me with a lot of papers in her hands. “Hi” there was a smile on her lips again.

“Hi” I greeted softly, I tried not to show her how happy I was to see and talk to her again so close. “To Professor Mercado?” She nodded at me.

“Sabi niya ay ibigay ko sa’yo” Dahan-dahan kong inabot ang mga iyon sa kamay niya, iniwasan kong maglapat ang mga kamay namin dahil mas lalo akong mababaliw kapag nangyari iyon. “You done lunch na?”

I turned around and moved slightly away from her, I could hear my own chest heaving, I couldn’t help it anymore and I didn’t want her to hear it because she was so close to me.

“I am done, how about you?” I was arranging the papers on my table, I still didn’t look at her because I still couldn’t calm down in her presence.

“Tapos na” Sagot niya. “Wala kang kasama rito?” Umiling ako. “Nasaan si Aki? Lagi mong kasama iyon”

“She’s busy with her plates.” I answered briefly.

“Oh, really” I felt like even though I answered so briefly, she was still happy to talk to me. “I don’t see her being attached to you”

I laughed to myself. It’s true that sometimes Aki and I can’t be separated. I’m always with her or sometimes I’m always attached to her when I’m not busy with what I’m doing. I love being with her.

But Abby being here with me makes me crazy. She’s near, I can’t stop myself.

A/N:

There are scenes in Maxl’s P.O.V that I didn’t include and wrote in Abby’s P.O.V.

Chapter 44

NOTE: OKAY, I AM SORRY, KINAYA KO MAG-UPDATE TONIGHT HUHU, THANK YOU SO MUCH!

“What are you doing here now?” Abbigail asked. She’s still not leaving here alone. She came closer to me when I still couldn’t look at her, I was afraid to look at her or I might give in to her completely.

“I’m just fixing this studio room, used by the first year” I took my camera because it was close to her, I swallowed when I smelled her scent. That was the third time I smelled her so close to me. “The papers are okay, I’ll give them to the Professor later.”

But Abbigail just looked at me with smiles on her lips, sweet smiles that really captured my whole being and my heart.

“You’re just being quiet, right? But it’s okay because you’re still talking to me”

I didn’t know how to react when I heard those words from her, I didn’t know but I felt guilty towards her, I felt like I did something wrong for her to say that to me, am I really that quiet a person? that even Abbigail can still get me to be quiet.

But I like her, I’ve just been so embarrassed by her that I’ve been so quiet. Mahiyain ako kasi gusto ko siya, iba siya sa mga taong binigyan ko ng tahimikan. Kasi kahit wala kaming mapag-usapan, sobrang magaan pa rin ang pakiramdam ko sa katahimikan sa pagitan naming dalawa.

If I’m comfortable with her, Is she comfortable with my silence?

“I am sor—’

“No! No! I know you! Tahimik ka lang talaga, sorry nasabi ko lang” Nakitaan ko siya ng kaunting hiya kaya napaiwas ako ng tingin.

Abbigail was blushing so much that I couldn’t help but smile inside, she was so cute. Really cute.

“I am sorry for being quiet” Masuyo ngunit pinaramda ko sa kanya na sigurado ako sa sinasabi ko. “You didn’t like it?”

She looked at me for a long time, when she gave me that look I felt like I was melting. My heart was beating so fast again that I felt like that would be the reason for me to go even more crazy in her eyes.

“No, Don’t be sorry, I like you being quiet…” She looked away from me and looked around the studio room while I saw no one else but her, only her was seen and watched by my eyes. Her long hair that followed the way with every movement she made, her eyes so calmly watching all the wall frames, the smiles on her lips that still haven’t been removed until now.

“Just be with you, Maxlene, I like that…”

“Ano na naman!?” Aki shouted in my face when I grabbed her by both arms. “Why is your face like that?”

“Why Abbigail avoiding me?” I still chose to remain calm even though the truth was that I felt like I was about to explode. I didn’t know why I couldn’t handle Abbigail not talking to me or even paying attention to me.

Aki frowned at me.

“What? You idiot, don’t you know why Abby is avoiding you?” She pulled my collar. “She knows you have a boyfriend”

“What?” I felt my voice was so irritated by what she said. “What are you saying? Gerald is not my boyfriend”

“Akala niya siguro boyfriend mo si Gerald” HInawakan niya ang magkabilang braso ko kaya bahagya akong kumalma. “Gago, diba nagdadate kayo ni Gerald? Ayan makikipag date ka para mataboy si Abby d’yan sa isip mo”

She let go of me and walked away from me so I was able to look back and call out to her.

“Aki…” I called out to her softly. “I only want Abbigail…” Nakababa ang tingin ko ngunit nang magtaas ako ng tingin sa kanya ay napakunot ang noo ko, tumatawa na siya sa akin habang nakahawak sa kanyang tyan. “What?”

“Para kang bata d’yan, parang naagaw sa’yo si Abbigail ah”

“But she’s avoiding me, Aki…” Muli akong nagbaba ng tingin, kinagat ko ang ibabang labi ko.

We were fine when we talked in the studio room, but after that, I never spoke to her again, she didn’t look at me anymore, she didn’t talk to me anymore, so all I could do was watch her avoid me, watch her not look at me like she used to do.

“Ayusin mo muna ’yang gulo mo kay Gerald”

At sobrang tanga ko para sabihin na ayos lang kami ni Gerald nang tanungin ako ng mga kaibigan ni Abby. Isang malaking katangahan na kahit kailan ay hindi ko na gagawin pa.

It was night, I was alone in the studio room, holding my camera and just looking at a frame that I was going to hang. My mind was still deeper, I was thinking about Abbigail again, she was the only thing on my mind again.

I turned away but when I did that I saw Abby at the door, looking at me but she wasn’t even surprised that our eyes met, it was as if she was thinking deeply, I don’t know what it was but I was happy looking into her eyes that I was just looking at her. I approached the door and opened it slightly but she still didn’t move.

I smiled before speaking. “Abby” I opened the door completely, Abby was already in a daze. “What are you doing here, Abby? It’s late” I said calmly.

She didn’t speak, we both just looked at each other as if we were feeling what was between us, my heart was beating again and I was afraid that she would hear it so loudly.

“Come in, Abby” Nauna akong pumasok, nakayuko siya pero nakikita ko ang pamumula ng mga pisngi niya. “Tell me, why are you here, Abby”

Nakatingin ako sa kanya, naghihintay sa kanya kung magagawa niya akong sagutin.

“Bawal ba?” Muli akong napalingon sa kanya. Galit ba siya? “We’re friends, right?”

Friends? Really friends? Is that what I made her feel? or is that what she wants for the two of us to be friends or really friends.

I looked at her deeply, very deeply, just to make sure that everything I heard from her was correct.

“I just want to be here sa studio, titignan ko lang dahil nnabalitaan ko may photoshoot daw kanina” I didn’t say anything, I walked over to the table where my things were, grabbed the camera again and looked at her.

“Katatapos lang ng photoshoot para sa intrams” I said softly. “What are your plans for intrams? I heard from Professor Reyes that you are playing badminton”

“Nothing and I don’t know, malapit na ang finals”

I nodded and pointed to the sofa. “Sit down, Ihahatid kita pauwi, aayusin ko lang ito lahat” Nakahinga ako nang malalim nang sundin niya ang sinabi ko. Umupo siya roon pero nararamdaman ko ang mga mata niyang pinapanood ako. 

Pinag-iisipan ko kung dapat ko bang itanong sa kanya kung pwede siyang maging model ko. Since I fell in love with her, she’s the only one I want to always have in my camera, I want to always have a shot of her there. I can’t seem to live without adding her face to my camera.

I saw her not looking at me, she just stopped looking around when I approached her.

“Abby, do you want me to take a picture of you?” When I asked that question, I saw her mouth open while I was just looking at her, waiting for what answer she could give me.

“W-Why?” I saw her eyes that were very shocked and full of nervousness, the first time she was close to me I just saw her like that. My eyes stayed on her, I stared at her and I couldn’t take my eyes off her, I know my heart is happy when my eyes are only on her and she is the only one I can see.

I sighed and talked. “I just want to take a picture of you and give it to you tomorrow since my classmate’s laptop is not here” Paliwanag ko nang hindi pa rin inaalis sa kanya ang mga mata.

“Are you sure? Do you think I still look good enough for you to take a picture of me?” She asked gently.

My jaw moved.

“Yes, You are so pretty, you can’t see yourself tonight?” Tinuro ko ang salamin “Look at yourself in the mirror”

She’s so beautiful in my eyes, she always is, but every time she’s near I feel like I’m really going crazy.

She kept quiet and I felt like I said something wrong so that’s how she reacted to me.

“I am sorry, You really look like a model, I am sorry because suddenly I acted like this, I made you uncomfortable” I washed my face and looked at her again “Abby, can you be my model?” I couldn’t stop it, I really wanted to.

“Why? Kita ko ang kaba sa mga mata niya. “Model? Bakit hindi ang boyfriend mo?”

Tinignan ko lang siya nang banggitin niya ang bagay na iyon, wala akong boyfriend, matagal ko nang nalinis ang problema ko na iyon.

“I want woman to be my model”

“Pag-iisipan ko, I have a lot things to do, If I can’t please choice other female”

Gumalaw ang panga ko, walang iba, siya ang unang-una kong pinili at hindi ko iyon kailangan pang pag-isipan.

“You are my chosen model, A week has passed and I don’t know how to talk to you about being a model”

“What? Isang linggo na pero ngayon mo lang sinabi” I nodded at her gently. I bowed slightly because I was overcome with shame. Hindi na pala, sige, pumapayag na akong—“

I was surprised as my eyes widened. “N-No! I am sorry, you can think about it!” Dagdag ko pa. “I am not in hurry, Abby”

My heart was happy when she agreed, I was happy because I was able to take her to her dorm, I was able to take care of her, she didn’t ask or even if she didn’t like it, I would still want to cook for her that night.

That same night I saw her with her body wrapped in a towel, my chest was pounding so hard when I saw her, her eyes also hit me so she captured my whole being even more. I wanted to see her always or something but I didn’t expect it to be the first time I saw it in her.

I held Abby’s hand that was slightly hanging on the bed because she was still sound asleep. I was very calm and smiled affectionately as I watched her, she was really beautiful, so I was no longer surprised that she got me, she captured my heart even though I had no intention of liking her.

I knelt down to be on her level, my smile still there as I looked at her from her eyes, nose and all the way to her lips. Her lips and eyes had attracted me for a long time but now I gave in too much. I let myself go because I was carried away, she had confessed my heart that I had been ignoring for a long time for her.

“I hope it’s not too late…” I said softly, I slightly brought my thumb closer to her cheek and caressed it, I smiled even more when my thumb felt her skin, I can never explain the joy I feel for her, it was the first time it happened to me so I really wanted to appreciate it all. And take care of it.

I cooked her breakfast so that she wouldn’t have to cook when she woke up or buy something outside, I also wrote her a letter because I knew she would wake up later, I had to leave because I would be late for my class.

That same morning I saw Abby with her friends, Rico had his arm around her but when I spoke he pushed her away slightly, I immediately thought because Rico looked so scared and nervous looking at me. I knew to myself that I would never be jealous of her friend even if he was a boy, I didn’t need to be jealous or even if Abby became my girlfriend that wouldn’t happen, besides Abby being important to me, the people or things that are important to her are also important to me, I don’t need to keep her away from them.

Abby said she didn’t know how to pose but that day my head just grew bigger, I was really crazy about her, I was more crazy about her than Ate Amanda’s annoying attitude towards me about her, I couldn’t take my eyes off Abby while I was capturing her, while she was doing poses that she didn’t know gave me a strange feeling. There was so much more I really wanted to know and see from her, maybe in those things I would get to know her.

She was the best capture I have ever had in my entire life except for Mommy, of course Mommy is first, always and second Abby, they are two that I will never forget and take away from me no matter what happens.

I couldn’t be with Abby the next day because it was her cousin’s birthday. All I did was look at Grandpa Cedric’s plants in the garden, I was getting some air while Aki was looking at me intently.

“Why?” I asked calmly while drinking my coffee. “What’s the problem?”

“You’ve fallen for her” I smiled at what she said.

“You too, we’re just the same.” She pouted. “Admit it.” I added.

She shook her head. “Hindi yata kaya ng puso ang iwanan ang pagiging torpe”

Natawa ako. “Baka maunahan ka”

“Wow! Sabihin mo rin ’yan sa sarili mo!” dinuro niya ako. Mas lalo akong natawa. “Palibhasa kasi kumikilos ka na, hindi mo lang maamin.”

“I can’t admit it so I’m just doing it, I’m showing that I like her because I can’t really say it”

“Edi ikaw na! Ikaw na magaling! Watashi ni hanashikakenaide kudasai(Huwag mo akong kausapin)”

“I said, I don’t understand Japanese”

“Oh, that’s not my problem anymore.”

I shook my head. I drank my coffee again, the two of us still looking at each other as if we were still waiting to see if we wanted to add or say something to each other. We knew that when we were together, the only things we could talk about were Abby and Andy.

I just laughed in my mind because we really couldn’t get them out of our minds.

“I’ll take care of her, Aki, if she were my girlfriend, I would give anything” a smile spread across her lips.

“She’s not yet your girlfriend but you talk like that, how could it be if it were true, you know you’re not very showy but I can really feel that you’re crazy about her, you’re just really calm.”

“Do you think it’s okay with her if I’m so calm? She might get bored or not feel me…” Napaisip siya sa aking sinabi ko, kumunot ang noo bago muling nakabawi upang magawa niyang sagutin ang tanong ko.

“I noticed that when Abby is with you, she loves your presence even when you’re quiet and calm.” My heart lifted from what she said. I felt less burdened by what she said because I was still thinking about it. “Trust me, she likes you too.”

I breathed a sigh of relief, her words were so comforting in my chest, they lifted me up and I felt like I really had hope for Abby, or maybe even if I didn’t, I wouldn’t lose hope.

Mapang-asar na naman ang tinapon niyang tingin sa akin.

“Nakakainggit ka naman” Inabot niya ako tinapik ang aking balikat. “Sige, susuportahan na lang kita, kaya mo na ’yan, use condo–”

“Gago” Tumawa siya.

“Pakasalan mo muna.”

I checked the message that I hadn’t sent to Abby yet, it was late but I couldn’t bear not talking to her, I was fine with it but I felt like she was far away from me when I didn’t talk to her even for a minute and wondered if she was okay and if she had gone home.

I looked at Aki who was busy playing on the PS5, she was screaming because she was losing the shooting game. I looked back at my phone screen and reread what I had typed.

Are you home?

Is this okay? She probably wouldn’t mind if I asked if she had gone home, she probably wouldn’t get angry?

“You’re an idiot for playing games!” sigaw ni Aki kaya napalingon akong muli sa kanya. “Ano ba ’yan!”

I went back to the screen and sent it to her. I stayed in the conversation between us, waiting for her reply but when she replied I felt worried.

Her reply to me was very short but it was more important to me that she replied, she replied to me even though it was short, I was happy because I knew she was home and could rest. I also said that it would be just the two of us together tomorrow, I was nervous about that because it would be the first time I would be with her just the two of us.

Bathroom? It seems like I made the wrong choice and she made the wrong choice too.

I went back to the screen and sent it to him. I stayed in our conversation, waiting for his reply but when he replied I felt worried.

His reply to me was very short but his reply was more important to me, he replied to me even though it was short, I was happy because I knew he was home and could rest. I also said that it would be just the two of us together tomorrow, I was nervous because it was my first time with him just the two of us.

Bathroom? It felt like I made a mistake and she made a mistake too.

Because I did something big, I regretted it but I still did it, I wanted to, I didn’t hold myself back from Abby.

I couldn’t stop myself from kissing, touching and caressing her, I felt like I would lose a lot if I didn’t let her go, if I let go of her lips, if I didn’t hold her. Because of those kisses and holdings for me, I felt more like I needed to be a better person for her, I needed to value her more so that she wouldn’t get away from me, I didn’t want her to be separated from my body because when I didn’t hold her, I felt so inadequate. I felt inadequate myself but I guess I did the wrong thing, I didn’t let her go right away.

I covered my face, two weeks, two weeks since I saw Abby, she’s been avoiding me for two weeks now. Exam week, I know she’s busy now, I’m busy too but she’s still on my mind, I can’t take it anymore. I feel like I lost so much when she didn’t talk to me.

“Maxl” si Aki ang narinig ko. “I saw Abby today…” Napatigil ako sa pagpunas sa mukha ko at tiningala na siya.

“Where?” I asked her. “She’s with Andy and Rico?” tumango siya sa akin.

“I heard, tapos na ang exam nila.”

“Kasama mo si Andy kanina?” Even though she didn’t admit it, I could see the redness on her cheeks and ears.

“Your Abby is fine…but of course pagod silang tatlo” I just nodded, I looked down again. “Talk to Abby when you know she can handle it”

“I really did the wrong thing.” I pulled my hair out. “I was too eager for her.”

“It’s obvious, you don’t want to let go, you said that” I swallowed.

It’s true, I didn’t want to let her go when I held her, I held Abby because I couldn’t stop myself, I became eager for her that I shouldn’t have, not yet because I knew what she would think, she might think I was after her body, that that was all I wanted from her. She was in my arms then, my lips were on hers at that moment I knew I had given myself completely to her. Bumigay na ako nang tuluyan sa kanya. Tuluyan ko nang inalay ang sarili ko.

I thought I wouldn’t see Abby again before the day was over, but when I saw her in the studio room, I was even more hopeful that all my mistakes would be fixed.

“Abby, I like you” I admit, I shouldn’t have hidden it or delayed it any longer. I had endured it for too long to hide everything from her.

NOTE

Hi, maybe next next week pa ako makakapag-update, hindi pa tapos ang finals huhu, sorry and thank you for all your support! keep safe and take care everyone!

Chapter 45

The way I kiss and hold Abby gives me a boner, I’m just really lucky because she doesn’t hit there, she doesn’t feel me.

I don’t know if that’s okay with her, that I’m intersex, or if she’ll accept me. Maybe if I think like that I will hurt Abby because I think she won’t accept me. I will tell her, not just yet and maybe the time will come when she herself will feel this thing attached to her.

This is the first time that I have completely held her, I have completely trapped her in my arms that I have long dreamed of and wanted to have, now I hold her I don’t want to let her go, I don’t want her to go away from me. Even when I kiss her lips and cheeks, I still give her tenderness, love, sweet and will never be aggressive. Kisses that even if it’s hard for her to breathe, I still can’t stop, those are still lacking in the two years that I didn’t know that I wanted her, that i like her already.

But there’s only one thing I can’t tell her, that’s about my family because I know if I say that she’ll get involved in my own trouble, it’ll ruin my world because I don’t want her to get involved in the trouble of being fired my life, which I still can’t fix. I feel that it’s wrong that Abby is dating me, it’s still not good on my part, but I promised myself that I will never let her be ruined by the troubles I have. She is not another person to be involved in whatever ugly thing happens in my life.

I was just watching Abby talk to the guy we went to the Korean convenience store with, they were joking around but I felt like my head was getting hot, I wasn’t jealous of the other person she was talking to but I just experienced it now that it felt like she was getting hot my head, have they known each other for a long time? the man seemed to know her well. Hawak ko pa rin ang kamay ni Abby kahit na pakiramdam ko hindi na ako makapagsalita, hindi ko kasi alam kung nasa lugar pa ako para maramdaman ang ganito.

We were silent until we got to her dorm, I didn’t hold her anymore and my hand looked for her hand in the elevator just to hold it. When we entered her room, she didn’t make me move so all I could do was watch her make the noodles we bought.

I couldn’t stop smiling while watching her, at that time I didn’t really see myself that she was dating me, at that time I never thought that I would be able to watch her make our food. I can’t help but think that in the future she will still be able to do what she is doing now because I will never change what I can do for her. I’m happy to know her favorite, I’m also happy to taste her favorite food.

I’m also happy that we were able to talk properly, we were able to communicate what we wanted to say, I was also able to apologize for my bad behavior with his friend Jay. Lahat nang iyon ay tinama ko at naging mas open ako sa kanya.

Another good decision I made was taking care of her. I immediately put down my phone when I saw her wiping her hair, she had just taken a bath so I couldn’t help but look at her again. She is really beautiful, so beautiful that I can’t take my eyes off her.

She reached for the blower so I stood up to come to her and hold her. I want to be the one to do whatever she does, I know she can but I can also take care of her.

“I’ll dry your hair, Abby” pinaupo ko siya at ako naman ang nagpatuyo ng buhok niya. Muli kaming binalot ng katahimikan pero iyon ang katahimikan na gusto ko. It’s the silence with her that I want and I’m so relieved and even calmer.

After I finished drying her hair, I wiped it again and combed it. I thought Abby didn’t like what I was doing, even if she didn’t, I would still do it all to her. I pulled her closer to me and kissed her forehead sweetly. I know she’s pissed off at me but I’m glad to see her like that. I am happy, my heart is happy every minute that I see her happy because of me.

“You’re the reason why I’m like this to you, Abby, only to you” Masuyong sambit ko. “Even me, I surprised myself because it’s true that I’m not that attentive to people but when it comes to you I want to take care of you”

“I’m like this only with you and I only want to be like this with you, Abby” I said again because she’s still not talking.

I smiled sweetly at her. “I won’t give you a reason to doubt what I’m doing” I said again. “I just want you to feel everything new about me…” I kissed my forehead again. “You’ll never see me this soft on anyone else, Abby” kay Abby lang, sa kanya lagi.

We lay down on her bed. I hugged her in my arms.

“Let’s not rush everything” was the last thing I said before she fell asleep in my arms. Kitang kita ko kung paano siya makatulog sa akin. I touched her cheek and hair to caress, my eyes that were still on her and I still can’t get rid of my smiles.

“I hope we can always be like this, Abby” I hugged her tighter in my arms, my lips were completely on her forehead.

I didn’t forget to hug Abby again and kiss her forehead when I woke up the next morning, she was still asleep, I could feel the sound of her sleep because I could still hear her snoring. I couldn’t help but laugh as I looked at her with her mouth slightly open, I took my phone and took a picture of her.

Even sleeping, she is still beautiful.

I cooked breakfast for both of us, I know her favorite is hotdog, eggs and fried rice. Nilagay ko iyon sa tray at pumasok na ng kwarto niya, sumilay agad ang ngiti ko nang makita ko siyang gising na.

I put down the tray I was carrying before I met her and hugged her, I hugged her so much that it was as if I was still very eager to have her locked in my arms, my heart became happier when she hugged me tightly and squeezed me. I didn’t forget to give her a long kiss on her forehead.

I’m also happy to see Abby eating the things I cook for her, because I know that’s all I know how to cook myself so I’m also happy to see her happily eating what I cook, that she really likes them. After that, Abby asked me about my life again, I didn’t know that she knew about the company I didn’t accept that offered me, I was able to answer that especially about my parents.

Parents? Mommy was the only parent I had, her husband was never a parent to me. I wouldn’t expect that because I’m just an adopted child, he wouldn’t do that to me because he can’t take care of his own wife, so I’m just a kid, I know that, I know the reason is in me and I feel like it didn’t really come from them.

I’m just a kid that time and mommy being a good wife to him, Paano niya nagagawa ang bagay na iyon?

There’s something else that Abby doesn’t know about me, I’m more afraid that her life will be in trouble if she finds out about everything because I know Maxwell, he can mess up other people just to get what he wants and just to destroy me. He can destroy me more using other people and I can’t stand him using Abby for that kind of thing. I couldn’t handle it any more when he managed to mess with Abby just so he could punish me, I promised myself that what he did to Mommy’s family and especially to Mommy would never happen again.

I sighed after peeking at Abby, she had already entered her room.

“Maxl, I miss Tita, when will she come back?” Aki asked me at her table and her plates and art materials were scattered again.

“Mommy hasn’t answered me since last night, I miss her too and I don’t know when she’ll come back” I sat on the sofa opposite her. She looked at me angrily before drawing on her plate again. “I haven’t seen Maxwell yet” I looked up and let out a deep breath.

“They still haven’t gotten a divorce?” I shook my head. I closed my eyes tightly, when I remembered why I was even more upset I felt like I was lacking because until now Mommy still hasn’t been able to divorce her husband. I have a job even though I’m still studying so I can also support her and Lolo Cedric.

“Fuck” I said. “I don’t know why Mommy still hasn’t divorced him…” I rubbed my eyes, still closed. “Maxwell can destroy us, especially me… since I have the other inheritance”

“You have the other inheritance? Where is the other?” Aki asked.

Because of her question, I opened my eyes wide. That’s true, if I have the other inheritance, where is the other?

“I don’t fucking know…” I curse again. Aki and I were already staring at each other. “That old man really looks like money”

“Tama, mukhang pera, sariling asawa ninakawan pa” Muli kong tinakpan ang mukha ko. Marami na naman akong naiisip, alam kong saglit lang ako magiging masaya kapag kasama ko si Abby pero kapag hindi na kami magkasama si Mommy at ang problema namin sa asawa niya ang kinababahala ko. “Maxl, calm down…I am here, kahit ano ’yan, sasamahan kita.”

“I don’t want trouble for the people close to me, Aki, except for Abby, I’m also thinking about you…” I removed my palm from my face. “He can use you, Mommy and Abby to destroy me.”

She gave me a small but calm smile. “Why are we friends if we can’t destroy each other to work together?” Kumikot ang aking mga labi. “Watashi wa anata o hanaremasen.(Hindi kita iiwan)”

“Ayan ka na naman” Sambit ko dahil sa lenggwahe niya.

“Wow, nagtagalog na siya”

“Thank you, Aki” Masuyong sabi ko.

“Thank you very much”

She left a very wide smile before continuing her work. I just looked at her because she was busy and she didn’t look at me again, somehow I felt relieved from our conversation…our conversation ended quickly but it ended with our feelings of relief.

I bowed my head, letting a calm smile slip from my lips. It seems like I need to study Japanese but I can understand her better. Alam kong malalim kapag Japanese na ang sinasabi niya sa akin.

I lay quietly on the sofa, sometimes looking over at Aki who was still busy drawing on her paper. She couldn’t really talk for long when she was busy with her plates. She prioritized playing over working, so this is what I see in her now.

Natigil ako nang mag-ring ang phone ko. Agad kong sinagot nang makita ko na si Mommy ang tumatawag.

“Mommy”

I happily answered her. “Mommy, when are you coming home? I miss you”

“Hi, Anak, how are you?” I felt even better because of Mommy’s cheerful voice.

“I’m fine, Mommy…When you come back, Mommy, I’ll introduce you to Abby” I heard her laugh on the other line.

“Abby? It looks like someone is already making you happy, Son” My smile widened. “Oh okay but I can’t come back yet, you can spend Christmas with Daddy first”

“Oh, when is Lolo coming back?” I asked her back.

“He didn’t say when yet but it looks like you’re heading straight here just in case” I nodded at what I heard. “Sorry, Nak, I’ll get back to you”

“Don’t be sorry, Mommy, it’s no problem…if Lolo and I spend Christmas there, I can come with you.”

“I love you, Anak”

“Tita, I miss you!” sigaw ni Aki. Tumawa naman si Mommy sa kabilang linya.

“Pakisabi kay Aki miss ko na rin siya.”

“Okay, Mommy, please call me, Mommy, okay? I will ask you if you like me call you…”

“You can call me anytime”

“I love you so much, Mommy”

“I love you, nak”

I also got call from Lolo, he couldn’t come home because he had other work so I decided to spend Christmas with Abby and her family and I’m glad that was my decision.

But the only thing I didn’t like about that part was finding out that Maxwell and Abby’s Daddy were friends and most of all, finding out that I had a sibling.

What the fuck was that?

Maxcil…that name I’ve never heard from Mommy’s mouth…or even her husband’s. I’ve never heard that name in my family.

I love Mommy so much but why does she hide so much from me? Is it because I’m not her real daughter?

Yes, I know I have no right to other things but I can feel her trust in me but it’s still not that deep for me to know everything, maybe, maybe not everything is that deep because I don’t really come from the family.

Even though I felt so heavy from what I found out, I was still happy with Abby and her family, I tried to put Maxcil’s name and the fact that he was my brother out of my mind, I knew that Abby’s Daddy wouldn’t lie, I could see them surprised when I said I didn’t know Maxcil.

“Lo, Why don’t I know that I have a brother? You know about this?” When I asked that, I could see how Lolo’s expression changed, similar to the expression of Abby’s parents when they found out I didn’t know Maxcil.

Fuck this.

“What? What are you saying? Isang apo lan—”

“Then who is Maxcil?” I had a hard time looking at Lolo because I felt like Mommy was hiding something from him, that Mommy and her husband were hiding something that I knew Lolo would feel the same way I felt.

“I don’t know him but Abby’s Daddy said that he is my brother.”

“What is your father’s plan again…” I could feel him giving up and saying tiredly. “You have a brother and even I didn’t know you had a brother because you were the only one that Maxene showed me…”

That’s my Mommy’s second name.

“You’re my only grandchild from your Dad and Mom, Maxl, you’re the only one they gave me”

“That’s fucking bullshit” I cursed.

Maybe if that Maxwell hadn’t become Mommy’s husband, maybe we wouldn’t have this problem, I hope it wouldn’t be all that bad, I hope I don’t think about these things. I hope I’m not mad.

I don’t know how to calm down, I feel like it’s hard for me to do that since I found out about the things that Mommy and her husband are hiding even from Grandpa. My head is about to explode from what I know and what I feel.

But because I saw Abby, I can say that she is the only one who can calm me down, even if she doesn’t do anything, my body is able to calm down when she is there. I reached out for her hand and gently caressed it, I always want to caress her so I can tell her that I really want her to feel my tenderness even though sometimes I can’t.

“I miss you too that’s why I came here, hug?” When she said that, I breathed even more easily, I knew that even if I could calm down for a moment when she was here, that would be a big for me. She opened her two arms and I didn’t hesitate to hug her very tightly. Being so tight helped me calm down, helped me feel her again because I missed her so much.

I wish we could always be like this, I wish she could always be locked in my arms at all times.

“I love you”

She said and when she said that. I became even happier, even if I just calm down when she’s here, I’m more satisfied than if I didn’t feel her all day, I was calm or no, she was the only one I was looking for, she was the only one my arms were looking for to be trapped in me and feel her. I will always dream of holding her in my arms and I will also want to feel her safe in my arms.

“I love you” I buried my face in her neck, smelling her before closing my eyes to make her feel more. “So much”

Back then, I couldn’t smile so broadly even when I wasn’t doing anything, but now I can smile like that and I know Abby is the reason for my smiles. I opened my Ford Raptor for her, she was looking at me so I could freely show her my smile and I nodded repeatedly that it was okay because I wanted to take care of her even if it was just like this.

I’m happy to be able to go to places I’ve never been before, when I was alone because when Aki and I were together, we always went to expensive restaurants or we were just at home and she cooked food for us, so wherever Abby took me, I liked it, especially the beach where there were many food stalls, that was the first time I could eat at such a place.

“Abby, I’ll go down, I’ll leave you, the shawarma and fries stall is right next to here.” I said softly, I had already unbuckled my seatbelt nang magsalita siya ulit.

“Ano? Ayaw mo ba akong kasama?”

I was stunned there, my mouth hanging open and I couldn’t say anything for a moment. I made it clear to him that I didn’t want to take him with me but that wasn’t what I wanted, I’ll be back when I’ve bought our food.

No, Abby, It’s fine, just sta—“ She cut me off.

Deep inside I wanted to smile at her but I knew she would be even more annoyed with me, in truth Abby is cute when she frowns, when she slightly pouts it’s just nice to suddenly kiss her lips.

“Why?” She asked again. I gave her a gentle smile.

I reached for her hand, lifted it up to kiss it. “Okay, Abby, come with me…” I got out of the car and opened it for her.

I held Abby’s hand as we walked through the stall that was so crowded, there were so many people and families that I couldn’t help but smile because there were usually babies and children being held there. I couldn’t help but think that in the future, would Abby and I be as happy as they are? Would we be as happy as a family? or if Abby doesn’t want a child, that’s fine with me, I’ll just be her baby for now, I’m very willing to do that because she’s focused on me.

I bought fries, Abby was quiet but there was still a frown on her face. Maybe she was just hungry? Maybe she was getting drained by the crowd.

“Balik ka po Miss Ganda” Maliit akong ngumiti sa vendor ng fries. I was surprised when Abby suddenly pulled me towards the shawarma stall, I could feel the women there staring at me, I was just shaking my head inwardly, I realized too late why Abby had been frowning earlier.

Many people were looking at me but Abby was the only one I wanted to stare at no matter how long it took.

“Abby, all beef?” I grabbed her hand and pulled her close to me to get her attention, except because she was frowning and she was blushing too. “Baby” I called again when she turned to me, “Are you okay?”

She just nodded at me, I told the vendor that our order for shawarma was already in.

I faced Abby while waiting, my gaze dropped to her, I really wanted to steal a glance at her because I knew that was the most important part of me, that’s what I always wanted to do when she was near or far.

Abby sounded really jealous so even though I wanted to laugh I couldn’t because it would only make her angrier at me and I knew she wouldn’t like it.

“Fan? What do you mean?” I kissed her cheek tenderly. “I want you to be the only one who is crazy about me, baby” I really only want her to be crazy about me because that would make me more excited for her.

Gustong gusto ko siya sa akin. Siya lang ang hiniling ko nang ganito sa buhay ko.

We both have big smiles looking and watching each other, that’s the part I like when we’re with each other, there are many parts I like and I love experiencing all of them with her.

And the part where I was gradually able to tell her how I felt, that was probably the best part I’ve ever done for myself and for Abby, the fact that we were able to tell each other how we felt, what our real problems were, and the part where we were able to calm each other down just by saying it.

“Promise, Abby, I can tell you everything, I hope you can wait for me until I’m ready for you to know everything about me and my family.”

“I’ll always be here, I’ll always be ready, no matter what you say to me, Maxl”

That was also the day I could say that the person I had been eyeing for a long time was now my girlfriend.

“Sinasagot na kita, girlfriend mo na ako.”

I admitted to Abby that for the three years I’ve been liking her, I admit I’m probably just denying some parts. That we like each other, it’s also true what Aki said that maybe Abby likes me too but that’s not because Abby really likes me.

I happily smiled at the three tulips I was holding while I waited for Abby to open the door for me, I could hear her mentioning the names of her friends and her hurry.

“Hi” I happily greeted her. “For you”

“Love!” she said with a smile on her lips. “Thank you so much” I hugged her. “I love you, thank you”

“Gerald” I said when I saw him at the door of the studio room. “What are you doing here?”

“I just want to talk to you” He came closer to me but I managed to avoid him. “Why are you—”

“We’ve never had a relationship, Gerald” I saw his eyes narrow as if he didn’t like what I said.

With all of Gerald’s words, I wanted to punch him over and over again, who is he to talk to Abby like that? who is he to insult my girlfriend? This is what I hate the most, seeing other people insult my girlfriend because Abby didn’t do anything to them and I know Abby would never do anything wrong to anyone else.

I feel so bad even though Abby is trying to calm me down, I know in my heart that I’m the one who’s wrong because I let Gerald speak like that to her, I don’t like what Gerald said because all of that is not true, it will never be true.

I’m afraid Abby will leave me because of what Gerald said, I know this is the first time I’ve hurt her, so I apologized to her over and over again, I’m afraid it might just be a pain, I know she can get herself out of a situation she doesn’t deserve.

“I respect you so much that I want everything not to disrespect you…”

I promised myself that it would never happen again, I didn’t want to lose Abby and I didn’t want anyone else to hurt her because of me.

As time goes by, I feel Abby and I are becoming more open with each other, we are able to talk especially when it comes to our feelings and some things we are thinking about if they will affect our relationship, Abby is careful and so am I, we are both always very careful, even our actions can tell each other if we are comfortable or not.

I am happy that we can do that peacefully, I am also happy with the life I chose to be with her, to be with her friends, I am happy that I can also talk to Elijah and Rico, Elijah sometimes gives me advice about Amalia, I know that she really likes Amalis, she just has a really hot head towards her.

A week passed and Mommy and I met, the anger in me was still there, I wanted to be angry but I couldn’t. I had so many questions but I knew she wouldn’t be able to answer me again. She wouldn’t be able to defend against my words from her husband anymore.

“I love you, Mommy, I know you trusted me and I trusted you but why do you hide so much? Is it because I’m not your real child? Why did you hide from me that you have a real child? With the kind of man?”

Chapter 46

Umiiyak si Mommy habang nakatingin sa akin. I just bent down, feeling myself because I felt like I was going to explode again.

“So you had a child and you even hid Maxcil from Lolo?” I tried to keep the bitterness out of my voice, I didn’t really know why I was so eager to get an answer from her but I only knew one thing, I was happy to know that she had a real son and that I could consider him my brother.

“B-Because I want to protect Maxcil” I frowned.

“From your husband again? From his own father?” I laughed bitterly at her. She cried even more and bowed her head. “I don’t know what’s things with that man, Mommy why do you keep being a fool to him, hindi ka pa ba napapagod?”

“I want to see my brother”

Umiiyak siyang tumatango sa akin. My jaw moved.

“Are you hiding Maxcil because he has a large inheritance?” I was speechless, I saw Mommy’s reaction, which was slightly halted, Maxcil had the biggest inheritance so she kept hiding it and her husband claimed it, planning to steal it all again.

What the fuck

“Tanginang pera yan” Mura ko.

Punong-puno na talaga ako sa asawa niya at kahit kay Mommy mismo hindi ko maitago ang dismaya na nararamdaman ko. I want to be mad with her but I can’t, I want to be mad but there’s a part of me that understands why she can’t let go of everything to her husband.

But what about me and my brother? Will we always be understanding and tolerant for Mommy? Hahayaan na lang ba namin iyon lahat?

“I’m sure Maxcil understands you as well as I do you, Mommy, but I hope you don’t push and force me and him, I’m also hurt especially Maxcil who is your real son” Mommy cried even more when I said that, I was just looking at her, feeling her while I listened to her cries.

I closed my eyes tightly, my face was already flushed with a mixture of irritation and disappointment. My feelings were mixed so I also needed to calm down.

“Your Lola’s wealth, which belonged to Maxcil…was named after him” I opened my eyes and looked at her again, realizing even more that their family was really rich, the Ramirezs were rich so I wouldn’t be surprised anymore why Maxwell wanted to steal the remaining wealth that belonged to Mommy’s Mom and also to Maxcil.

“And until now you still continue to enslave that husband of yours?” I said bitterly to her. “Are you still going to continue to torture us, especially Maxcil?”

I know how important marriage is to Mommy and I also know how much she loves Maxwell but if this is the only situation we and her children will end up in, I hope she realizes that their marriage and being a husband and wife is hopeless. It hurts me so much to see Mommy continue to hurt herself for the man who has done nothing but steal and use her throughout their marriage.

Is love really that stupid? Is that called love? Is what is happening to them still called love?

Because I know, love shouldn’t be painful and heavy, two people in love shouldn’t be tortured, true love will never hurt you like Maxwell did to Mommy and Mommy’s being martyr.

I could never do all that to Abby.

“Where’s Maxcil? I want to see him” Matigas kong sabi at tumayo na. “Are you with him?”

Mommy nodded to me, still crying, I sighed and just looked up in extreme annoyance and disappointment, even though I feel this way I still love Mommy and I still continue to understand her.

“Mommy, please, I hope everything I said makes you realize everything especially your worth”

Maxcil has known me for many years without me even knowing or seeing him, Maxcil has been the one I’ve been dreaming of seeing for a long time.

“I-I’m sorry…” I cry in front of him. “H-I don’t know, Maxcil…I don’t know…” My crying gets louder when I feel him hugging me. “S-Sorry”

“Ate, It’s okay…it’s not your fault, it’s not our fault” I heard and felt the bitterness in his voice.

I don’t know why Maxwell is such a bad person, why he is such a violent husband and father to Mommy and Maxcil but why has he never laid a hand on me? Is it because I’m just adopted and I’m a different person? Or because the inheritance I got from my Lola wasn’t big?

Maxcil is such a good son, such a good true son to his parents just to experience these things, Maxcil is so good to me…he waited to see me while I didn’t know him and thought about him.

It’s not his fault, it’s not his fault and it’s even more not our fault what’s happening now because all we want is to have a happy family, for Mommy to have a good husband, unlike Maxwell.

“Sorry…”

Maxcil fell asleep in my arms crying, he fell asleep crying and sobbing too much for me and for the feelings he had for a long time when I wasn’t with him.

For a few weeks I couldn’t tell Abby everything, I focused on my brother being with him and getting to know him better, I’ve been waiting for that for a long time but I know better that he’s been waiting for me for a long time so that we can do the things we haven’t done before. I’m happy to try everything from him, because Maxwell is a pure Filipino and he knows more than me.

I’m happy because apart from Abby I know more, only with Maxcil I’ve experienced eating street foods, the isaw I even called warm. Pinagtawanan pa ako ni Maxcil dahil sa sinabi kong iyon.

“Do you have a girlfriend, Ate?” Maxcil asked while I was eating dinner, Ate Amanda looked at me with a smile on her face.

“I’ll introduce her” I said with a smile. “You want to see her, right?” My brother nodded repeatedly with his wide grins.

“What’s her name?”

“Abbigail, just call her Abby” My grin widened even more when I mentioned Abby’s name, her name was so beautiful to hear, I was so eager to find out everything about her.

I was disappointed that Abby couldn’t see all of that, I was disappointed because she saw how Maxwell could be violent towards my brother, she saw how I also managed to hurt Mommy and Maxwell’s father and husband back. Abby saw everything, she saw how I made her feel my weakness, my vulnerability to her, I was only able to show it to her, I made her feel everything and she didn’t let me down because she didn’t leave me, she didn’t abandon me.

I let myself be trapped and feel her arms, I fell asleep in her arms but when I woke up she was still by my side, she didn’t leave.

Abby still accepted me, she still understood everything even though my brother almost didn’t want to be separated because Maxcil loved her so much, I’m happy anyway because my brother liked her and she’s happy here.

But it wasn’t over yet, Maxwell really wouldn’t stop me until I gave him his son back even though I wasn’t Maxcil’s real brother and I still considered him family.

Maxwell even managed to send people to my house just to kill and destroy me, he would do anything just to get Maxcil back from me and make me fall, he was just unlucky because I knew how to deal with him, I knew how to fight him.

But that was also the first time to make me even more nervous for Abby’s life, the first time I almost couldn’t control myself I got angry and yelled at her just because she came to us and Rico was with her, what if something bad happened to her? what if she got hit? I couldn’t handle it anymore.

I understand that she’s worried about me, but both of our lives are in danger if she gets involved, I understand that I just can’t help but think and I don’t want her to get involved in the chaos and violent way that my problem is.

Mas hindi ko kakayanin kapag pati siya ay mawala sa akin, mas hindi ko kakayanin kung buhay niya ang kapalit…

I had no face to face with Abby’s parents when that happened, I feel like Abby is mad at me and so are her parents, I apologized to them that it will never happen again especially to Abby’s friends and her. We didn’t make up right away but I think we were able to cool each other down and talk about what happened.

We managed to handle everything without hesitation and were able to talk about the problems.

“I won’t leave you” Those words are the only thing that gives me life to fight even harder and end what’s between us and Maxwell because if I didn’t know, he would get even worse.

I continued to be alert even though Maxwell and his father had not been able to make any contact for six months. I still feel and continue to provide security for my family.

That was also the first day I felt Abby completely, I felt her and her love, I will never forget that day, that I held her so tightly, that I held and hugged her so tightly.

Making love with Abby is one of the experiences I will never forget, I will never forget how her body felt to me, her skin that I always wanted to touch, her body that I wanted to hug and hold even for a few hours or every minute.

I can really feel my excitement for her, something I know I will seek and always want. My favorite part is that she always sleeps in my arms, I always watch her sleep, I kiss her eyes and her forehead na talaga namang hindi ko makakalimutan gawin gising man siya o tulog.

Pero tangina, iyon na pala ang huling araw na mararamdaman ko na masaya kami sa piling ng isa’t-isa.

I will never accept that I am the reason why Abby’s Daddy is being shot and in the hospital and Lolo Cedric died, I was so broken at that time, not only Abby was lost but also my family. Every day I see Abby, Mommy and Maxcil crying, not only them but everyone, Andy is also hurting more because the trauma she experienced was so severe, she blames herself for me because I was shot, Aki who did everything just to protect Abby for me. And me? I feel like I did nothing, I did nothing right because everything started from me.

I sat on the edge of the bathroom while crying, wondering if there was anything I could do just to erase everything that happened to our family, could I erase everything? could Abby forgive me? Mommy? Maxcil and everyone?

I buried my face in my hands and kept releasing the sobs and tears that I had wanted to let out for a long time, the pain, the hardship and I didn’t know how I would start again if I only knew from the beginning that there was nothing I could do and could do.

I don’t want to see anyone get hurt, especially those I love, but it has happened, I have done everything I shouldn’t have and this is me now, blaming myself and crying so bad.

If I had kept quiet, wouldn’t all of this have happened? If I had just kept quiet, maybe nothing would have been lost.

Hindi naman ganito ang buhay na hiniling ko, hindi naman ganito ang pamilya na gusto kong masira at sirain.

When I woke up the next morning, Ate Amanda was hugging me, we were in bed while I was locked in her arms. I cried even more when I saw the tiredness on Ate’s face even though she was asleep, I hugged her tightly, she was the only one I could hold on to.

Because even Abby, she was tired.

“You can’t leave but I can’t see you being happy…”

I never thought I would come to the point where I had to choose. I was ready to choose Mommy and Maxcil first, but I also couldn’t leave Abby while her Daddy wasn’t awake. I didn’t want to leave Abby without me by her side, but it seemed like she was determined to send me away and we would separate.

I left It was painful to be separated with her but it was even more painful to see Mommy and Maxcil…I almost didn’t recognize them, Maxcil cried almost every night while calling Lolo’s name, I still saw Mommy crying but I knew she was just holding it back because she didn’t want me to feel like I was fighting alone for the three of us.

I did everything just to make Maxcil live and return to normal, I kept getting therapy and taking him to the doctor until I saw him being okay again, I knew that even if he was treated, the trauma was still there and I was ready to support him through all of that because it wouldn’t go away even for me.

“Mommy, are you okay?” I held Mommy’s hand when I caught up with her in the garden. She looked up at me, a smile on her lips but I knew it was just an effort. “Breakfast?”

Umiling siya, maliit akong ngumiti sa kanya. Umupo ako sa tabi niya habang hawak pa rin ang kanyang kamay.

“Anak, you’ve been here for two years…” I waited for her to say next because I could see she was sad. “Maybe you can fix it yourself…go back to the Philippines.”

“Why?” Tanong ko. Mommy sighed at me, her grip on my hand tightening. “I’ll just stay here, Mommy, until you and Maxcil are better,” I gave her another small smile. “I’m fine, I can’t bear to leave alone and you’re not well yet…”

“I know you miss Abby.” I fell silent, I licked my lips and looked down at our hands.

Honestly, I’m scared to go back, I’m scared that Abby will come back to me because I know for myself that the trouble between Maxwell and me isn’t over yet, he escaped and I know that he’ll be the only one who will fight for his father. But I’m not scared to go back and face him if he still doesn’t get what he wants.

“I’m scared to go back to Abby…the trouble isn’t over yet, Mommy” I caressed my mother’s hand affectionately. “I’m also scared that she’ll get hurt again…maybe I really can’t handle it and you and Maxcil”

I might not be able to take it anymore, I might not even recognize myself. It’s true that I miss the woman I love, but I can’t bear to have them risk their lives for me again, for the problem I chose to fight.

Ayoko na may mawala pa.

“Go home, Anak, you have nothing to lose if you put yourself first”

I’m happy to see that Abby has changed a lot in the two and a half years we haven’t communicated, it was only two years but I feel like I’ve been missing her so much for so long. She has achieved and achieved all her dreams, with the help of Ate Amanda we met again, I caught a glimpse of her again with her eyes looking at me eagerly.

We got back together and talked to the woman I loved, during those two years Mommy was right, I had nothing to lose if I gave it to myself. Because I was happy to have Abby back, I was happy to hold her and trap her in my arms again.

I couldn’t wait to tell her everything, that I had wanted to get engaged for a long time because I was sure of her. I was always sure that I would never forget my dreams of marrying her.

A/N:

Sorry for late update, sinusulit ko na ang bakasyon huhu napagod talaga ako! Bawi ulit ako after this chapter, I plan to give them more POV in the part where Maxl comes back the second time they broke up, I’ll give them more of a quality time chapter AHAHAHAHHAHAHA Merry Christmas Everyone!

Chapter 47

I’ve been wanting to give her a ring for a long time but because I thought she wouldn’t agree yet, I just didn’t do it, I know it’s not a priority for her yet and I don’t want to pressure her because I’ve already given her a ring. I guess I’m overthinking everything and I don’t know that she’s okay, that’s probably what I did wrong sometimes in our relationship, because I cared so much about her I always wanted to wait for her and I don’t have a problem no matter how long, she’s Abby and she’s not someone else so I’ll take it.

My happiness was indescribable when he put the ring that was meant for me on me, it felt like my heart was going to explode with joy, that was the first time I watched it and I could clearly see that she was happy to put it on me. We will always be the same, Abby and I will never be different in other things because I know that with that difference we will find a way to be compatible.

All our dreams for each other will still come true, no matter what happens, we will find a way to make all our promises to each other happen. Because I know for myself, I am sure of everything I want to do with Abby, she is my life, my life that I really can’t afford to lose.

My heart is also happy because my family still accepted me, her Daddy was still able to forgive me and wait for me, even though Abby’s Daddy became a second father to me, that’s why I’m happy, I’m happy because I have someone to call Daddy, I’m happy that they still love me despite everything and I haven’t forgotten to forgive. Alam kong kailangan ko pa ring humingi ng tawad. Lagi at habambuhay na.

That night I was drunk but I felt like I was crying with joy because I could feel Abby loving me, taking care of me, I wanted her to take care of me especially that night.

“I want this…I hope you always take care of me”

When I was done changing Abby’s clothes, I called her, I was already lying down but my arms were open.

“Come here” She looked at me with a smile, I closed my eyes when I finally felt her in my arms, I could feel the strong beating of her chest, I could see her breathing calmly on my neck and her eyes were closed peacefully.

I hope we can always be like this.

I hope she always thinks that I’m not bored waiting for her no matter how long she takes to put on her makeup, because I love watching her and waiting for her, there’s no reason for me to be bored or annoyed because she takes so long, I love her too much to not wait for everything.

What I feared happened again, what I didn’t want to happen again in my life and that of my friends, especially Abby, happened again. But that turned out to be the last event that would make me feel like myself.

I killed Maxwell but my most beloved mother died, Mommy disappeared when I was so confident that Maxwell wouldn’t be able to hurt her from afar but I was so wrong.

“Maxl…be careful, okay?” I was already hurt so much by Mommy but I was hurt even more by Abby’s voice I knew she had a hard time talking to me at that time because I was so lost in myself, so much that I couldn’t recognize myself anymore because I was once again covered in regret and anger. “H-I’ll wait for you…” I faced her, she forced a smile at me with teary eyes.

I didn’t speak, still holding the photo of Mommy when we were in Paris. Why is it that everyone I captured just disappears from my life? Why does Mommy have to be the one to disappear? What I want to lose from our lives is Maxwell but why is my Mommy with me? Why did I lose the parent who, even though I wasn’t her real blood relative, loved me more than herself?

Because I wanted Maxwell so much to lose, he gave me a replacement that would ruin me? He ruined me when Mommy was alive but I don’t think he can make up for it anymore, he killed his own wife. He killed me and Maxcil, inside.

I don’t have any confidence in myself since Mommy died, and I don’t even know if I’ll ever be able to go back to Abby because I couldn’t handle myself anymore when I left again for myself and my brother. Umalis na naman ako para sa ikakapayapa ng lahat pero mas lalo lang ako lumala.

“M-Maxl” Ate Amanda called when she saw me sitting in the corner of the bathroom again, I was already soaking wet from the shower and I was still crying.

“I-If I hadn’t killed Maxwell, would Mommy still be alive?”

She didn’t answer so I quickly looked up. “Answer me, Ate!” I could see the mixture of pity and pain in Ate’s eyes, she shook her head repeatedly at me while crying.

“I-It’s not your fault” She bowed her head while crying. “I-It’s not your fault..because you did—”

“Then why? Why did Mommy still die?!”

I slowly stood up and grabbed her, knowing that I was holding her too tightly while still very angry.

“If I hadn’t shot Maxwell that day, Mommy would still be with us?!” But Ate only gave me tears, crying and still shaking me as if she was saying enough is enough and I should let go.

“M-Maxl” All she gave me was tears and sobs. “T-That’s enough” She reached for both my cheeks

I can’t let go, I can’t accept it especially when I know that I did everything to protect Mommy and Maxcil from Maxwell. I still fail, I always fail in everything I do for other people.

I never felt like my brother was angry with me, but in my own mind, everyone was angry and they blamed me for Mommy. I’ve lost everything, I’m always lost, and all I want is for them to stay with me. Pero wala, lagi pa rin akong nawawalan at walang nananatili.

“W-Why do all the important people in my life keep disappearing? Don’t I know how to appreciate them or take care of them?”

If I’ve taken good care of them, why do they always disappear from me? Will I always blame myself? Will I always think that everything is my fault?

Si Maxcil ngayon lang nakabawi sa kanya si Mommy pero nawala pa, nawala dahil sa akin at sa kapabayaan ko.

I admit that in two years I still haven’t been well, I still haven’t been able to help myself, I know Mommy won’t like what I’m doing but she can’t blame me because she’s gone, she’s gone from us. I can’t live without Mommy, kulang, kulang dahil wala siya, kulang dahil kulang si Maxcil kung wala siya.

“Ate” I looked at my brother when I caught him at the door while I was going downstairs.

“Maxcil, do you have class?” I asked. I slowly went downstairs because I was carrying my photoshoot stuff. “Come with me, I’ll take you there”

“Ate, ako na ang maghahatid sayo at wala akong pasok” He came to me and took my things, I looked back at him when he smiled at me and held my hand. “I have nothing to do today so I’m going with you”

The smile I gave him was sweet. “I love you” he kissed my forehead. “Don’t worry, Ate, I know what you’re doing so I’ll find a way for you too, I’ll help you”

“Ate, let’s have dinner later?” My brother asked while we were on the road. “My treat, I’ll take care of you”

“Really, baka may gusto kang ipabili kaya ka ganyan” I said laughing. “You’re suddenly so affectionate?”

“What? I’ve always been affectionate with you” Hawak pa rin niya ang kamay ko. “Ayaw mo ba?!” nagbibirong sigaw niya sa akin.

“Hindi bagay” Napanguso siya kaya mas natawa ako.

“Minsan ka na nga lang mag tagalog, ang sakit pa pakinggan.”

We were silent for a moment after we laughed. I saw that my brother’s condition was improving, he was gradually getting better, unlike me who seemed to have changed nothing.

“Ate, don’t be in a hurry, I’ll always be here, make me feel that you need me, hindi ka abala at kapatid kita”

I look down at our clasped hands. I can feel the tears in my eyes again.

“I am always here, don’t worry too much, we will be fine, Ate”

For a year now, my brother has been helping me with everything, he makes me feel like I don’t have to hide everything, if I’m still hurting he wants me to show him, cry to him and let him feel the real me. Something I was able to do because he was with me, because he made me feel like everything would be fine as long as we were together.

“Maxcil” I called Maxcil because I saw him at the door, it was open and it seemed like he was talking to someone.

“Who are you?” Maxcil asked the person politely. “Do you know my sister, Maxl?”

“Yes, I am her Mother’s Doctor”

My Mother? Mommy Maxene? Ngayon ko lang nalaman na may Doctor palang kaibigan si Mommy.

“Doctor? Mother’s Doctor?” Maxcil asked her confused.

“Yes, Her Mother, her real mother”

Because of that word, my chest pounded, I heard the word Mother and my real mother, what happened? and why did the Doctor want to talk to me about my real Mother?

I approached the door because that’s where the conversation between the two of them was interrupted, the woman Maxcil was talking to and I thought the same thing.

“I’m Maxl, Maxlene”

“Kenly gave you to Maxene because she was about to die, a few days after you were born”

Maxcil tightened his grip on my hand. “Maxene doesn’t know that, Kenly and Maxene were….former lovers”

“What?” Parehas naming sambit ni Maxcil. “Lovers?”

“W-Why they—”

“Because of your Grandmother” Nilingon kami parehas ni Doc. Valdez.

“My Grandmother?” Maxcil asked.

“Are you Maxene’s son to Maxwell?” He asked Maxcil. My brother nodded. “Yes, your Grandmother…she was against Maxene and Kenly’s relationship…and Kenly married your Daddy Marcos” Her gaze shifted to me.

“W-Where’s my Dad?”

She sighed before answering me.

I looked down. “He didn’t know…”

“What do you mean?” My brother asked.

The Doctor sighed again but I felt like my brain was going to explode. I felt like I was going crazy from what I knew.

“Marcos was a soldier…he didn’t know Kenly was pregnant until you were born, he only found out when…when he read Kenly’s diary”

Even though I wanted to speak, I couldn’t, nothing came out of my mouth no matter how many questions I wanted to ask. It hurt, it hurt even more when Mommy Maxene was gone.

“Why…why didn’t she just leave me with Daddy?” My voice became weak. I still didn’t understand, I couldn’t understand why my real Mother didn’t just leave me with my real Father.

“Kenly never loved your Daddy”

Wow, that’s fucking bullshit…

“Wow…” Paklang sambit ko. “So she loves Mommy Maxene more, that’s why she gave me to her? Mommy Maxene doesn’t know all that? Even about my parents’ wedding?”

Umiling ang Doctor.

I can’t believe that I’m the most miserable person in the world, you’d think that after the death of my mother who stood up for me, I would know everything, when my brother and I had already lost something, we would find out something even worse and in my lifetime. Ang lala, ang lala pala talaga ng buhay.

I looked for my Daddy Marcos but no matter how many flights I took to other countries and to London, I couldn’t see him… I couldn’t find him, I couldn’t reach where he was… I’ve talked to many soldiers who were with him but they all said he was moving to different places because he was looking for someone… he was looking for someone and I knew he was looking for me.

While searching for him, I visited my real mother’s grave. Even though I didn’t like what I found out, I was still grateful, but not in the sense that I never met my real father because she gave me to her former lover…with Mommy Maxene.

At kahit si Maxcil, hindi iyon alam, naglihim siya sa amin…sa akin at sa relasyon nila ng totoong Ina ko.

Until I got back to Abby… I still haven’t found my only parent, I still haven’t seen him and found him. Abby and I have a child but I still don’t see Daddy, I don’t know where to look for him anymore.

“Baby Max” I called Max when I peeked into his crib. My handsome son was still sleeping. I smiled, I sat on the sofa next to the crib while still looking at him, “I don’t regret naming you Max, because my name comes from your Grandpa Marcos”

I approached the crib, tenderly reaching out to my son’s hand. “I promise, Anak, you will meet your Grandfather…I will not disappoint you”

Even if it’s just my dad, I don’t want to disappoint him because I know we’ll meet again, even if it’s not today, but I know he’ll see me so happy and I’ll have something to show his grandson.

I was able to tell Abby everything, everything about my parents and no matter what story or Abby told me, she would never judge me, she would never invalidate everyone in the story and especially me.

“Love” She called to me when she saw me still holding Max’s hand. “Are you talking to Max again about Daddy Marcos?” My smile widened when I saw her, I immediately offered her one of my hands.

“Come here, love” I said affectionately, she came closer to me, she sat on my lap and also turned to Max who was still sleeping. “Yes, I tell him that he will also meet Daddy and Daddy will also see Max…that will surely make him happy” I rest my chin on Abby’s shoulder. “Daddy will also be happy to see me…”

Abby’s hand touched my cheek, she reached out and caressed me in a way that I knew I would seek for the rest of my life. I closed my eyes and felt her caress, I tightened my grip on Max’s hand.

“I’m sure your Daddy will be happier to see you…” A smile spread across my lips, my eyes still closed, I hugged Abby with one of my hands and squeezed it. “I’m excited to meet him too, love, I hope the day comes when you won’t have a hard time finding each other anymore.”

“I hope so, I hope I can see Daddy…I want to see him”

“Thank you, love…thank you” I buried my face in Abby’s neck, I also caressed my son’s hand which made me feel more comfortable…which made me feel more that I still had to wait and I would see Daddy too.

“What do you want for dinner?” I asked Abby, I let go of her for a moment when we stood up and I glanced at Max again, he was still sleeping so I looked at Abby. “I want to cook dinner with you and Max in the kitchen, Max isn’t awake yet, he looks tired from playing earlier”

Abby laughed, she pinched my cheek while I kissed her lips.

“Max and I are just here, cook dinner, I want sinangag, fried eggs and hotdog, is that okay?” My smile widened, I nodded and kissed her again.

“Yes baby, I want that too, I’ll just cook and I’ll come back to you and Max” I turned back to the crib, I bent down to kiss my son.

“I love you” Hinawakan ko ang magkabilang pisngi ng asawa ko. I also caressed his cheek as we looked at each other, giving him sweet smiles.

“I love you so much, love” I tenderly kissed her on the lips again, I could feel her response and even though I could feel that she wanted me to give it all to her. “We’re having baby time next week, Mommy and Daddy will borrow Max, right?”

“Yes, Daddy wants to be with Max, right?”

“Okay, baby time next week”

“Baby time ha? Promise?” She asked again.

“Yes, baby”

I’ve been happy with these kinds of scenes since Abby and I got married and had a child. We don’t have much baby time because we’re both focused on our baby. I can hardly leave my child alone. I always want to hold him, hug him, and see him every minute.

Maybe it’s because I don’t want to be lacking. I feel like if I’m lacking, I might lose something from my child. I want to be a good mother and father to him. Ayokong maranasan niya iyong hindi magandang katangian ng isang magulang. Hindi ko kakayanin.

“Love, Max is hungry” I held my wife’s hand. “He wants your milk” Abby looked at me who was busy typing on her laptop. “He doesn’t want milk in a bottle”

“Wait, love…I’m talking to Mommy about company” I looked back at her laptop before looking up again. “It’s fine, she was just making sure”

I nodded as she picked up Max, Abby lifted her clothes and brought Max closer to her breast, our son stopped crying.

“Max is just really hungry” I watched Abby caress our son, she even kissed him. “It seems like Max is interested in my milk…he’s healthy”

I let out a sweet smile as I watched them, Abby staring at our son and Max also looking at his Mommy, seeing that picture makes my heart happy, I’m happy with the family I’ve dreamed of for a long time.

“Abby, I’m happy” Abby stopped and looked at me but there was still a smile on her lips. “I’m happy because you gave me this life”

“Even if you tell me not to thank you, I will still do it and I will always be grateful because if it weren’t for you, maybe my life would still be so heavy, maybe I still can’t help myself or maybe I haven’t done anything for me and us.”

I reached for my son, I caressed his forehead.

“You gave me Max, you gave our son to us so that I could be better for myself, for being husband/wife and parent…You were the first person who gave me life, you know that, right? You were the first person who made me feel that everything would be okay no matter how long it took…”

“You are the first person who made me feel that no matter how chaotic the beginning is, it will be calm in the end”

I saw Abby’s eyes getting wet so I widened my smile at her.

 “You are my first in everything, no one can replace you, Abby, until now you are still the one who gives me life.”

Chapter 48

A smile appeared on my lips as I looked down at Max, it was morning and I was letting him sunbathe in our garden while also catching the fresh air from the sea. My son just looked at me with the bottle of water in his mouth.

I can say that he doesn’t look like Abby or me because he looks like my Daddy Marcos, that’s all he got. I know that because I also saw the last photo of Daddy before he retired from being a soldier. Inabot ko si Max at muling hinaplos ang kanyang noo at buhok.

I’m getting more and more excited to see my Daddy because of Max, I’m getting more and more happy to wait longer to see him.

“You’re really handsome, Son” my smile widened when I saw his eyes smile which made me happy because his handsomeness appeared more, I kissed him and looked back at the sea.

It’s a good thing Abby gave me this life, Mommy Maxene, Daddy Marcos and Mommy Kenly gave me this life…because if it weren’t for that my life would still be dark until now, until now I probably still have no direction where I’m going. I found all that with their help and now my son has given me even more reason to continue my life.

“I will give you the life you deserve, Max, that’s a promise” I looked down at my son again. He finished the bottle so I took it away and that’s when I saw his smile and his laughter still looking at me. “I love you”

I heard his laughter again, he also moved to reach my face and shoulders, I lowered my face slightly and let me feel his hands.

Max was still laughing as he caressed his hands on my face. Max is always like this whenever I talk to him and hold him, he laughs while smiling so I’m really happy, I hope even when he’s older he still acts like this with me as his parent.

I’ll try my best as long as I can do the things I’ve been waiting for for a long time. For him.

“Love, Good morning” I felt Abby hug me from my side, she also reached out to Max to hold and kiss his forehead, Using one of my hands I hugged my wife and gave her a long kiss on the forehead.

“Good morning, love, sorry Max was crying earlier so we had to go out here” Our eyes met, we smiled a little at each other before I kissed her on the lips. “I love you”

“It’s okay, love, I know you really want to be with Max” I pulled her closer to me and kissed her again, I could hear her laughter and her slight pat on my shoulder. “Kinakalabit ka na ni Max, halik ka nang halik sa akin eh”

I snorted, I looked at Max who was getting naughty just to reach me again. “Don’t you want me to kiss your Mommy?” I asked Max, he snorted a little so I laughed.

“Pinagtatawanan mo pa talaga anak natin” si Abby na napapailing na sa akin. “Kapag ’yan umiyak ha? Lagot ka sa akin”

My mouth dropped open. “No, baby! I’m not making our baby cry” I quickly comforted Max so that he wouldn’t cry anymore because my husband would be mad at me. I didn’t want Max to cry but I wanted to piss him off and Abby didn’t want him to be mad.

“Baby, I’ll cook breakfast” Abby, I looked at Max who had fallen asleep again. We were in the living room and the kitchen was also there so I was free to be with my wife, I put Max down on the crib and quickly approached Abby.

“Love!” Abby said smiling as I hugged her and lifted her slightly.

“I miss you, baby time na” I lowered her and gave her kisses on her cheeks and lips. “I miss you so much, hug love” she hugged me tenderly which made my heart calm, I knew that even if I focused on Max I wouldn’t forget my wife. I wouldn’t forget that I had time for her.

“I missed you, love” She wrapped her arms around my neck, I brought my face closer again and kissed her on the lips. I felt her lips again, to be honest, Abby and I haven’t made out since Max came to us, we’ve only been kiss and hugging, I miss my wife so much.

“Hmm” I felt more alive when I heard her moan, I lowered my lips to her neck, giving her a kiss there and a mark that I hadn’t done in a while. “Love…”

“Hmm?” I caressed her thigh up. “I really missed you”

“I-I know…but later, Daddy will get Max” I brought Abby closer to me when I felt I already had a boner. “I love you”

“I love you…” I turned my face to her neck, I buried it in it and hugged her tightly.

Her caresses on my back are what give me more reason to say that I was excited by her hands, it’s been a long time since I felt that, her hugs that used to be with Max are now with me again. Abby and I don’t lack each other, even then I really wanted to touch and feel her. Even for a moment but sometimes it’s not enough because she is my rest, she is always my rest during long days. I want her always in my arms.

“Magluluto na ako, Love”

I let Abby cook, I just looked at her with my back to her, I watched her fry eggs and hotdogs, she hadn’t even finished the fried rice yet. I could already smell the breakfast and it made me even hungrier.

“Love” Abby called me as I hugged her from behind again, I caressed her waist with my thumb.

“Hmm?”

“Miss mo talaga ako no?”

Tumango ako sa kanyang balikat. “Miss na miss”

“Ramdam na kita sa likod ko, oh” Natatawa siyang inabot ang buhok ko at hinaplos iyon. “Calm down”

“Hmm”

I kissed her shoulder. “What time will Daddy and Mommy be here?” I asked, hugging her tighter.

“After lunch, I think, love, why?”

“And when will they bring Max back?” I asked. “It’s baby time, I want it now”

She laughed again, making my grin grow wider, I reached for her cheek and pinched it slightly. “You’re teasing me”“

“Cute mo eh, anong klaseng baby time ’yan?”

“Kahit anong baby time, ’yung maririnig ko ungol mo”

“Wow!” Ako naman ang inabot niya at kinurot ang magkabilang pisngi ko, ako naman ay patuloy na tumawa habang ginagawa niya iyon. “Ang galing mo talaga sa kabastusan”

“Why? You don’t miss junior?”

We both looked down at my boner, I just shook my head because it was too early for both of us to feel it.

Abby’s hand went down there so I bit my lip hard. “I miss Junior” she raised her hand up and down on me before letting go of me again.

I took a deep breath. I really miss Abby and Junior misses her. I gave Abby some alcohol for her hand before I helped her set the table.

“I’m hungry” I said, Abby looked at me with a smile on her face.

“Let’s eat”

“Can I have you as dessert?”

“Maxl!?” she shouted at me frantically, her eyes widening at me so I enjoyed teasing her more. “Siguro iba na ’yan gigsing mo, isusumbong kita kay Daddy Marcos kapag nagkita na kayo”

Tumatawa akong umupo, pinaghila ko sa ng upuan at umupo naman siya sa aking tabi. HIndi ko nakalimutan na unahin siyang lagyan ng pagkain sa plato niya.

“Eat baby, para may lakas ka mamaya.” Nang aasar na sambit ko kaya pinanggigilan niya ang aking pisngi.

“No baby time later”

“Why?” Malungkot na tanong ko sa kanya.

“I remembered we still have a lot of laundry to do” I stopped eating.

“Can’t we do it tomorrow?” Abby shook her head as she ate but I could see her silly smile. “Baby…” I held her hand.

“Kailangan din nating mamalengke, punta tayong kabilang isla”

“Okay, what about tonight?” Sumubo ako ng sinangag at itlog inaabangan ko ang sagot niya.

She refused to eat as if she was thinking so I made her face me.

“I have something to do tonight”

“What are you going to do tonight? I’ll help you” I said with a smile. “I’ll help you with everything you do”

Before Abby could speak, someone rang the doorbell outside, we both looked at the door, we saw Daddy and Mommy happily waving at us.

“How’s my grandson!?’ Daddy quickly walked to the crib and peeked at Max, Mommy kissed Abby and I, I hugged her very tightly.

“HI, Mom” bati ko,

“Naku, ang ganda mo talaga” Natatawang bati niya sa akin muli niya akong hinalikan sa pisngi.

“Ang ganda nyo po”

We chatted with Daddy and Mommy until lunch, they ate there too, just a little too early because Daddy was excited to see his grandson, Mommy missed us especially Abby.

“How are you, son? Are you still getting checked up?” I turned to them when I heard that from Mommy.

“Yes, the Doctor said I’m fine, if you still want to have another baby, Maxl and I can try” My lips curled.

Does Abby still want another child? Or is Max enough? I also saw how difficult Abby was during the birth and labor, I still wanted to be able to follow Max but I couldn’t stand to see Abby struggling. I couldn’t stand my wife struggling even more while I just supported her and sometimes watched.

“Do you and Maxl still want to follow Max?”

“Anak” I was interrupted when Daddy held my hand.

“Yes?” I held Daddy’s hand back.

“Sorry huh? I still can’t find your Daddy Marcos” Umiling ako sa kanya. Walang kasalanan si Daddy kung hindi niya pa rin mahanap si Daddy Marcos.

“It’s okay, Dad, don’t be sorry…it’s really okay.”

“I will try my best again”

“Don’t push yourself too much, Dad, tutulungan kita, hindi ko lang talaga maiwanan ang asawa at anak ko.”

I’m focusing more on Max and Abby, knowing that I still have more time for my Daddy, I can’t bear it if I reduce my time with my family.

I really hope Daddy Marcos can wait to see me and I can see him.

They also left with our son, Daddy was very happy while he carried Max while Max was still crying before they finally left because he didn’t want to be separated from Abby. We managed to do it when he was tired and about to cry.

Abby and I focused our attention on washing our clothes, it was already piled up because we hadn’t washed for almost two weeks and it was good that I had bought a lot of clothes for us since Max was born.

I really like doing laundry with Abby because I used to hate doing laundry and I didn’t know how and I didn’t want my hands to get tired but now I’m fine with that as long as I’m with her in all the housework. That’s what I promised myself to help Abby with all the housework because that’s what she deserves and now I really want her to do those things with me.

I also smiled as I hung out our laundry, Abby was already cleaning the garden and I just focused on what I was doing because there was still a lot to do, it had to dry by tomorrow because we had nothing to wear. Naubos na lahat at naipon bilang labahin at sampay.

“Love” tawag ko kay Abby. She put aside the broom she was holding and looked at me.

“I’m done” I took the chicken food from her hand. “I’ll do it, go inside the house and rest, you can’t get too tired.”

“It’s fine” Umiling ako.

“No, it’s not, just listen to me”

I kissed her forehead. “I want you to rest, we did a lot of washing, I know you’re tired” She didn’t say anything but hugged me while I opened the chickens’ food and sprinkled it on their feeders.

“Let’s rest together” I nodded. When I finished what I was doing, we went inside the house, my Abby was really tired and I could see it.

I wiped her back and changed her clothes, I did the same to myself before I made her lie down on the sofa.

I hugged my Abby while she was lying on top of me, her hands caressing my cheeks and I caressing her back. It’s really light after we get tired from housework, we can rest with each other like this.

I closed my eyes and hugged her tighter.

“Are you tired?” I kept my eyes closed, I pressed my cheek to her head.

“I want to get tired with you while we do housework” Humalik ako sa kanyang ulo. “I want to get tired with you”

Abby didn’t speak again, we were silent in each other’s company and just rested. Abby and I were like this whenever we did housework, we would run to each other to rest.

Abby spoke, which made my eyes widen.

“Do you still want a child?” I was staring at the ceiling when she asked me that. “Do you still want to follow Max?”

“You, love, if you can, let’s try, but do you also want to follow Max?” I waited a few seconds for her answer.

“I don’t know but Max is alone, I don’t want him to be an only child either” I kissed her head again for a long time.

“Honestly, I don’t want to because I don’t want to see you suffer, do you remember when you were pregnant with Max? You suffered”

“You were there and you didn’t leave me”

“I know but it’s hard for me to see you suffer”

Abby moved, slightly lifting her body so that our faces could meet. We looked at each other again and I reached for her face.

“I can’t stand you suffering anymore but if you want, let’s try again”

“Thank you dahil lagi mo akong inuuna” I caressed her cheek again with my thumb, smiling at her.

“I’ll always put you first” She lowered her face to my chest again so she could lie on top of me again. “It’s fine with me, Abby, as long as we talk properly”

“Thank you so much, baby”

“I love you, let’s sleep”

When I woke up, Abby was no longer on top of me so I looked around the living room and kitchen, she wasn’t there so I nodded to look for her.

“Love” I called, I went into the bedroom and bathroom but she wasn’t there, in the garden only Dea was there sleeping so I went out in front of the house.

“Elijah” I heard Abby’s voice, I saw her with Elijah in front of her but Elijah was holding Maria. It was late and there was still daylight so I could still see them from a distance. “Where is Malia? Why aren’t you with her?”

“I was looking for Malia but Dad said Lola Esing was with her” I just listened to what the two of them were talking about. “How are you and Maxl? Where is Max?”

“Maxl and I are fine and Max is with Daddy and Mommy, they went to the City”

I saw Ej look down at Maria before looking up at my wife again.

“What is that, Ej? I know you want to say something” Abby moved closer to Ej and Maria, Abby touched Maria’s forehead. “Say it”

“How…How can I get back at Malia?”

I smiled when I heard that. I knew She still loved Malia, I knew they were just waiting for each other to get back at each other for everything that happened to them before.

“Are you and Malia talking?” Abby asked. They sat down on the chair outside.

“Yes, we talk especially about our baby” Elijah. “I just want her to feel that I want us to be okay again”

“Untiin mo rin, hindi ka na ba galit sa kanya? O nasasaktan?”

“Hindi naman na…kahit naman nasasaktan ako alam kong mahal ko pa rin siya.”

“Iparamdam mo sa kanya na tanggap mo na siya…iparamdam mong hindi ka na galit o kahit nasasaktan ka pa rin alam ko namang maiintindihan niya iyon.” ang asawa ko. “Kita ko…mahal ka pa rin ni Malia siguro tumigil lang siya ipilit ang sarili niya sayo dahil hindi pa rin kayo maayos at ikaw sa kanya.”

Hindi ko agad narining nagsalita si Ej. Kaya muli akong sumilip sa kanila sa labas.

“Sobra talaga akong nasaktan…hindi ko na alam mga sinasabi ko noon”

“Valid, wala kang mali, nasaktan ka talaga.”

“Pero nasaktan ko si Malia”

“Parehas ninyo lang nasaktan ang isa’t-isa…oras na para bumawi kayo.”

“Salamat sa pakikinig, Abby” I smiled even more when I saw Ej hug my wife. My wife hugged her back.

“Nandito lang ako, Ej, nandito lang kami. Sana maging maayos na kayo ni Malia”

Ej left, still waving to Abby, while I headed straight to the kitchen to cook dinner for my wife and I. I know what she likes when she’s tired.

Sinigang na baka.

I was boiling beef when I felt someone hug me from behind.

“Sorry, I wasn’t by your side when you woke up…” He buried his face in my back.

“I heard you talking to Ej, you have nothing to apologize for.” I cut something to mix with what I was cooking, Abby and I were quiet again, it was okay because even though we were quiet, we could still feel each other. “I’m cooking your favorite because you’re tired today.”

“Salamat sa pagiging pahinga ko sa tuwing pagod ako o hindi.”

“Salamat dahil sa akin ka nagpapahinga, malaking bagay sa akin iyon.”

I turned to face her so I could hug her tighter and better. I wrapped my arms around her again as if it had been a while since I had held her and hugged her. I kissed her hair while caressing her back.

“We’ll always be like this, Abby” I lifted her face to kiss her lips. “This is what I want baby time for,” she laughed, making us both laugh.

“Patay na patay ka talaga sa akin.” Tumango naman ako.

“Oo, lagi naman”

Yakap ko pa rin siya habang nakatingin kami sa isa’t-isa. “Baby time pa tayo, ha” Tumango akong muli. “Alam ko kung anong baby time ang gusto mo.” Napailing na lang ako habang natatawa pa rin.

“Yes, I know you know. I miss inside you” Kinurot niya ang pisngi ko.

“I miss you too, maybe you won’t let me walk again”

“Magkakaroon na ng kapatid si Max.” Hinalikan ko ulit ang noo niya. “Maybe three years gap is enough love?”

“Yes, It’s okay naman, kung hindi tayo makabuo agad ay ayos lang.”

“I won’t use a condom anymore.” She hit me.

“Mag-asawa na tayo, oh, nasanay ka ba sa condom?”

“Yes but it’s okay, as long as I feel you”

My hand went down to her middle, I slowly rubbed my fingers on her clit, I did it slowly until I felt her panties getting wet. My face went down to her neck to suck her again.

“A-Ah..” I completely inserted my finger into her panties, my fingers continued to move on her clit, I didn’t stop it even though her grip on my clothes was so tight. “Ahh…” my heart was happy to see her shaking.

I rubbed her quickly while watching what was boiling in the pot.

“W-Wait…cook first” She stopped my finger from entering her but I continued. “M-Maxl…A-Ah..”

“Ang sikip mo na”

When I inserted my two fingers into her slowly, I moved them inside her, I really missed feeling her.

“I’ll cook later, let’s finish this first” I picked her up at ibinaba sa sofa.

Chapter 49

I pulled her panties completely off her, I played with her womanhood again causing her moan to get louder and she looked up while holding my arm.

“Ah…” I saw her trembling as well as her lips. I smiled at that, I really wanted to see that side of her, trembling at me and not knowing where to turn her head in pleasure. I removed my finger from her, brought it to my mouth and licked my thumb before sticking it back to her clit to rub it.

“A-Ah” she reached for my hand while shaking completely. I licked my lips when our eyes met. “I-I’m—” she didn’t finish what she said when I rub her away, she let go of me, looked up and covered her lips.

I was licked again because she was trembling, she tried to close both of her legs so that I couldn’t continue what I was doing to her. Isang galaw pa ang ginawa ko sa kanya bago ko tuluyang binitawan.

My eyes were still on her as I took off my pants and boxers, watching her lie face down on the sofa, still shivering. I reached for her back and caressed it before bringing my face closer to give her a kiss.

“I love you…” She looked up at me slightly from where she was lying, she was blushing too so I couldn’t help but laugh and turned to her even more. I reached for her butt slightly so she could bend over.

“Hmm…” I heard her moan as I slowly inserted myself into her. I held both of her waists so I could move better inside her.

“Does it hurt, love?” I asked. Using one of my hands, I caressed her back.

“It’s fine…” She turned around slightly before turning her face away from me again.

I slowly moved into her, I really wanted to feel her and I couldn’t wait to feel the pleasure from her. My hands returned to her waist to move completely.

“A-Ahh…” I pushed myself into her causing her to look up, I really missed her, I’ve been waiting for this to feel for a long time. My movements became faster causing me to go even more crazy with the pleasure she was giving me.

Her moans were getting louder but I ignored her, I thrust her very quickly, I also pushed my hood against her causing her body to rise, nakatungkod na ang mga kamay niya at malaya ko na siyang nahahawakan sa dibdib.

“Ahh…fuck…M-Maxl” I moved away and thrust again, she lay down again so I held her back that made her sink deeper on the sofa.

“Ah…Abby” Tumingala ako habang patuloy pa rin ang pagbayo na ginagawa sa kanya. I can see Abby trembling so I can speed up my thrusting inside her, I don’t feel like I’m coming out yet but I feel like Abby is about to finish. My grip on her waist tightens and I still don’t stop thrusting, Abby grabs her hands again but I stop her, I lift her up from lying on the sofa myself.

“L-Love..” She calls, I turn her towards me and completely lay her down, I get on top of her still moving. “Ahh! I-I’m c-close”

I go on her neck still doing that, her nails are sinking deeper on my back but I can’t bear it, I have to finish because Abby is done, she’s shaking so much and I don’t want to tire her out too much if it takes me a long time to finish,

“Just wait…matatapos na ako” Inangat ko nang bahagya ang mukha ko upang makita ko siya. “I love you…”

I pressed my face to her cheek and continued my thrusts. I could feel my hood and her getting tighter.

“Ahh…fuck, I’m close”

“A-Ah!” I made a moan as I came inside her, I pushed twice more because I felt like I hadn’t taken all of what entered her yet. “Hm..” Abby hugged me and buried her face in my neck.

“Did I make you too tired?” I hugged her tightly, I couldn’t take my hood away from her. I felt her shake my neck, I caressed her hair. “Okay, it’s good, let’s wash up first before you go to sleep…”

“No…I want to eat what you cooked” I smiled sweetly. “I’m not too tired, you didn’t make me too tired”

Abby and I hugged for a few minutes when I finally pulled away from her, I slowly lifted her up to sit on my lap.

“Oh…I’m sorry” Abby said when we looked down at my thigh where something was dripping from her. I smiled and kissed her for a long time on the lips.

“It’s okay, my baby! Don’t worry” I hugged her again and squeezed her chest. “Let’s take a bath”

She touched my hair and I also felt her kiss me there so that I could hug her tighter and bury my face in her chest.

“I love you”

“I love you always, my baby”

I carried my wife to the bathroom, we took a bath and I didn’t forget to take care of her, that’s what I always do even if we’re not making love, as long as we take a bath together or anything with Abby I can’t forget to put her first.

“Love, let’s see if we can make it” I nodded happily to Abby after she put a t-shirt on me, I hugged her again.

“Yes, baby, let’s see if we can make it work no matter what it is we will accept it” my wife nodded sweetly to me. “I love you, baby…I miss you being my baby again now” she laughed.

“Me too, baby, I miss this” Muling kinulong ko sa aking bisig ang asawa ko, pinakamamahal kong asawa at babaeng isa rin nagbigay ng buhay sa akin.

“Mahal na mahal kita, Abby, handa akong ibigay sayo ang buhay at mundo ko…makabawi lang sayo sa lahat.”

“Binigay mo na…tagal na.”

“Lagi, lagi kong ibibigay, hinding hindi ko malilimutan.”

I never forget to capture my wife and son whenever we are off the island and at the beach, especially my wife, she is so beautiful, no one can compare to the beauty she carves in my eyes, in my camera and in my heart.

I let Abby wear a bikini once when we were swimming in the ocean with barkada. I secretly took pictures of her because she was far away, but even from a distance, I could still see her beauty.

“You’re crazy” I looked at Aki. I still had a smile on my lips as I looked at Abby who was with Max, with her friends and they were playing in the water.

“I’ve been crazy for a long time.” Because of what I said, Aki smiled broadly as if she was happier than me. She was still patting my back so I patted her too. “We’re both crazy, don’t forget yourself”

She laughed out loud, I just shook my head and looked at Abby and Max again.

Max is two years old and until now we’re still waiting to see if Abby and I will have a second child. It’s okay if not yet, we’re not in a hurry so we can focus on Max while he’s still one.

“You, how’s Arkiel and Andy?”

“It’s okay, my son is handsome, Andy is still beautiful, I’m still crazy about her.” Ako naman ang natawa. Napapailing na hinahaplos ang balikat niya. “Oo, gago ka, baliw na ko”

I smiled as I watched Abby and Max hug each other as they approached the cottage, I stood up when I was done and greeted them, I took Max from Abby and hugged him.

“Baby, did you enjoy yourself?” I said affectionately, Max nodded repeatedly while a smile appeared on his lips, he was still wet and still moving his hands. “That’s good, son”

“Opo! I want…I want chao fan!” Abby and I both laughed because of Max’s reaction to us, I held my Abby’s hand.

“Love” I called her smiling, I brought my lips closer to her forehead. “I miss you,…you’re sp beautiful” But Abby laughed at me but I could see her face blushing and reaching up to her ears. “Baby time later?”

“Walang baby time, kasama natin si Max mamaya” napanguso ako.

“Cuddle, baby”

Mas lalo akong tinawanan ni Abby kaya napailing na lang ako habang natatawa na rin.

“Sus, wag ako, Maxl ha”

Ngumuso ako lalo at hinarap na lang si Max na kanina pa hinahawakna ang mukha ko. Ang gwapo talaga ng anak ko, habang lumalaki siya ay mas lumilitaw ang mukha niya kay Daddy Marco.

For two years I still haven’t stopped looking for Daddy and Max has also found out about his Grandfather and he also wants to see Daddy. I’m not losing hope, I know that my father and I will meet again, he has been looking for me for a long time.

“Love” I looked at my wife, he was just wearing a shirt and cycling and I couldn’t help but admire his whole body. I was even more attracted to him, I wanted him to be locked in me again. He came to me, sat on my lap.

“Yes, my baby?” I asked, I affectionately hugged his waist and pressed my face to his chest. “Is there a problem? Or do you want a back massage?”

“No, I want to cuddle” My smile widened even more, I hugged him even more and I dropped both of our bodies on the bed. “Max is in the other room with Maria and Arkiel”

“Okay, baby” I laid Abby down on my arm and I put one of my arms around her waist and hugged her tightly. “It’s like we have time for each other”

My wife closed her eyes, I know that when she closes her eyes when I hug her, she feels me and my arm on her body. A smile appeared on Abby’s lips so I immediately kissed her.

“Love” I called.

“Hmm”

“Did I fulfill what I told you the second time I came back?” I reached for her cheek, caressing it as I continued. “I hope I fulfilled…”

“You fulfilled everything…you fulfilled everything without you knowing” I kissed her lips again. “Even though you can’t promise anything anymore, I know you can still do a lot for me and Max”

Nakapikit pa rin ang asawa ko pero pinanood kong inangat niya ang isang kamay niya upang idantay iyon sa aking pisngi.

“It’s hard not to do something, especially when it’s for you.” I just stared at my wife, I just looked at her because I could see the smile on her lips. “I always want to do something for you…for us and our child”

Abby nodded sweetly, she nodded as if she had known everything I wanted to say for a long time. I’m not really hard to read, especially if Abby was the one doing it to me, especially if she was the one looking at me and reading me.

“I love you, Abby, the word “I love you” is not enough to make you feel my love or everything about me when it’s for you“

I bit my lip when I saw tears slowly falling from my wife’s eyes, she was still closed so I could see them freely.

“It’s true what I said to you that you gave me this life, it’s true because since I met you I have become complete or even though I was complete, I knew that all myself would overflow when I was with you or because of you…” Dahan-dahan kong nilapit ang asawa ko sa akin upang mas yakapin pa. “if you gave me life, you are my life now.”

“You are the life I will always choose over anything, you are the only life I want to stay and live in” Pumikit ako. “Ikaw lang pinangarap ko buong buhay ko.”

Abby is the one I always dreamed of meeting in my life, she is the life I chose for my life and I wasn’t wrong. Hindi ako nagkamali sa kanya.

I woke up from a long and peaceful sleep, peaceful because from the moment I woke up, my wife was still in my arms, still sleeping peacefully and soundly. It was so nice to wake up when I could catch a glimpse of him, holding him and he was at peace with me.

I couldn’t bear it if I lost my wife, I couldn’t bear it because it was hard without her, it was hard when she wasn’t there and I felt not enough when my wife wasn’t there with me.

Nang magising ang asawa ko ay agad ko itong hinalikan sa labi, hinalikan na para bang miss na miss ko siya kahit magkatabi naman kaming natulog at magkasama buong gabi.

“Baby” I called as she sat on my lap after she finished her wash. “What breakfast do you want?” I asked her curiously, “Aki and I are going to cook!”

But my Abby didn’t say anything, she just looked at me while I waited for her to speak because I wanted to cook breakfast for her and Max.

“Breakfast?” she asked. I nodded happily. “This”

Her hand touched my hood, I already had a boner because it was morning and I just woke up, I looked at her hand before looking back at her.

“I mean, baby, breakfast, food for us” Pero hindi siya nagsalita, gumalaw ang kamay niya upang ilabas iyon sa akingboxer.

“I want this as my breakfast…”

I took a deep breath when her head came down on mine, I could feel her cold breath because she had been brushing her teeth earlier.

“Love…” I called. “Ah…fuck” I moaned as she licked my head, it was slow and it was as if she was deliberately slowing down. Her tongue was already moving on me so that I could tighten my grip on the bed sheet. She wasn’t satisfied yet because she brought her tongue to the top of my head and sucked it slowly.

“Ah…”

I closed my eyes while looking up, I was enjoying what she was doing, it had been a while since I felt her mouth and tongue. She started doing that so I was holding her head she put my hood all the way into her mouth so I was moaning more and closing my eyes in pleasure.

She did it up and down slowly until it became fast so I guided her head in the movement, I held her hair and I pressed her myself.

“Ah…it feels good” I moved and I was the one who slowly filled Abby’s mouth, I was filling her mouth which gave me more appetite for pleasure. I also make it fast so I reached the pleasure that I had not felt in a long time. I pressed Abby’s head against me again. “Yeah…”

Saglit na tumigil siya at napahawak sa kanyang bibig.

“It’s hurt?” Tanong ko. Inabot ko ang mukha niya ngunit agad niya iyon binaba. “Baby…”

“I am fine, nothing’s hurt”

I had pre cum in my head and it hadn’t really come out yet. Abby’s hands grabbed my hood.

“I can hear Max, they’re awake…”

I looked up again to the pleasure I felt when Abby’s hand moved up and down on me, she did it slowly until it became fast, I slowly got up to kiss her even though I was moaning between our lips.

My wife was looking at me with eager eyes, I could see she was really excited for me and this was exactly what she wanted.

“Ah…fuck…it feels good”

Along with the fast of her hand, she squeezed the top of my head “Ah…” Abby’s eyes just stared at me, following my every look up and shake because of the pleasure I felt.

“i miss this” Her hand moved up and down faster so I was already buried in his neck. “Just moan love”

“Mom! Momdy!” I turned to the door when I heard Max, he was also knocking so I became alert.

“Love, Max is looking for us” I said weakly to Abby. “Fuck” I cursed because she squeezed my head before raising and lowering it again.

“Mom!” patuloy kong naririnig si Max sa labas. “Momdy!”

“Ah..” I moved away from Abby a little when I was about to come out. “Suck it” I grabbed her head and brought it to my hood. I pressed her head against mine again and that’s where I came out. “Fuck,” I looked up while feeling my cum out and enter Abby’s mouth.

I did it again before Abby finally raised her head to mine.

“Yummy”

“I love you” I said as her hand was still holding mine. “You still have plenty of time to come out of me, Max is looking for us.”

“I miss your junior” She caressed my cheek.

“I love you so much, Maxl, I love you more than anything…”

“Wait…” I called out to the old man I had just met. I couldn’t be wrong, I really couldn’t be wrong because he looked just like Max and we had the same eye color…“D-Dad?”

It’s my Dad, He’s here in front of me and holding my photo as if he was asking everyone if they knew the person in the photo.

“Maxlene? M-Maxlene Angel Ramirez?” he asked while shaking.

Yes, I am Ramirez but not by Blood. Hindi sa dugo niya. O kahit Ramirez…Ito ang unang pagkakataon na hindi ko gagamitin ang Apelyido na kinalakihan ko.

“M-Maxlene Angel Gill Anderson…It’s…me, Daddy Marco”

I am Maxlene Angel G. Anderson, with my Mommy Kenly and Daddy Marco’s name.

And I am at peace now.

Chapter 50

My Daddy and I were both crying and hugging each other when I said those words to him, so that he could get to know me better and that I was his daughter he had been looking for for a long time. I hugged him tightly and held him in my arms.

“Daddy…”

“I’m sorry, it took me so long to find you” I shook my head repeatedly at his words. “I’ll only see you here”

“You have nothing to apologize for, Dad…”

Daddy fell silent, he was still hugging me before he grabbed my hair and slowly moved himself away from me, when our eyes met I saw him crying.

“H-I didn’t know…you already know everything” His lips were trembling, his hand went down to my cheek and caressed it. “I am sorry…I didn’t know that your Mommy Kenly was pregnant”

I shook my head again, I reached for his cheek as well.

“We don’t know either, it’s not our fault and it’s not your fault either…”

My father gave me a little smile but I still see the pain and remorse in his eyes, something I can’t accept and I can’t bear to see because it’s true that he’s not at fault, it’s not his fault that he doesn’t know and it’s even more so not his fault that it took us so long to see each other.

I didn’t say anything, I grabbed his hand and pulled it, I needed to talk to him and I knew he had a lot to tell me. We bought something to eat before I took him to the park where we could talk in peace.

I still didn’t let go of his hand, I still held it tightly because I felt like if I let go of it, he would be gone again, my only parent that I had been waiting for for a long time would be gone again. At hindi ko na ’yun kayang maulit pa.

“How are you?” His voice was calm and soothing, which was very comforting to me, I felt much more at ease now that we had met, I felt more at peace because I was complete. I really missed my Dad.

“I’m fine, Dad…I’m married and have children, Abby and Max.” He quickly turned around with a wide grin.

“Really? Can I see them? Especially my grandson.” I nodded at him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even catch you having a family.”

“How about you, Dad? How are you? How’s your life?”

“I’m fine, I can handle it because I really want to find you and see you ever since I found out Kenly and I had a child to Doc” Napatango ako nang bahagya. “I don’t know Kenly and I don’t have a child, it’s okay if she doesn’t love me but I wish she had told me anyway because I have the right.” My grip on his hand tightened.

I looked down at our hands, I wanted to ask him something but I knew it would hurt Daddy.

“I know that Maxene and Kenly are in a relationship before, Maxene adopted you because Kenly gave you to her.” I swallowed and breath hard. “I’m also looking for Maxene but I can’t see either, I can’t find her…I know why”

“I am sorry…”

Umiling si Dad. “It’s okay, don’t be sorry.” Maliit na ngiti na namana ng binigay niya sa akin. “I know, Dad…You loved Mom” ​​He nodded affectionately, a smile on his lips.

“Yes, I loved your Mommy…it doesn’t matter if she doesn’t love me as long as I love her and I’m willing to do anything for her.”

I just looked down, I love my Mom but Dad deserves so much better, he deserves more than anything and for everything he does for Mommy. I stroked him hand while still holding it, not wanting to let him go from what I learned from him.

“I’ve been looking for you for a long time, even reading your Mom’s diary in case I find you and where Maxene is with you.”

“I’ll get back to you, Maxlene, I’ll never let you down again.” Inabot niya ang aking buhok at hinalikan iyon nang matagal. “I am sorry and I love you, my baby”

I closed my eyes as tears welled up in my eyes, slowly but I knew it was because of happiness, because I was happy again when I heard that from my real Father, the Father I had waited for so long and felt my entire life, I realized more clearly that I had been longing for the love of my real parents for so long lalo na sa tunay na Ama na hindi ko naranasan sa asawa ni Mommy Maxene.

I felt him kiss my hair again. “I won’t be lost again, that’s a promise, I won’t leave without you.”

“Dad…She’s my wife and son” TInuro ko si Abby at Max, si Abby na maluhang-luhang nakatingin sa aking Ama, si Max naman ay agad na bumaba sa pagkakabuhat ni Abby sa kanya at lumapit sa kanyang Lolo.

My eyes watered as I watched Daddy kneel down to greet Max who happily hugged his Lolo.

“Lolo!”

“Dad, Lolo means Grandfather” I explained but Daddy’s gaze was only on Max. Naiiyak na rin siya pero hindi niya iyon tinuloy.

“You look just like me, my grandson” Dad caressed my son’s back, hugging him tightly. “Grandpa is here, he won’t leave or disappear”

“Momdy always telling me about you, Lo!” I looked at Abby who was so happy even though she was crying, I reached out to her hand to pull her closer to me. I kissed her forehead as she hugged me.

“I’m so at peace, Love…” I said affectionately and turned my gaze back to Dad and Max who were still hugging each other until now. “Thank you so much”

“I am happy for you” Inabot niya ako at hinalikan ang labi ko. “I love you…You deserve this, you deserve everything and even this peace”

I let Dad and Max take their time for each other because I still have many days to spend my time with Daddy, the important thing is that he has his grandson before me. I didn’t forget to capture them on my camera once when I caught them playing basketball behind the house. My heart was happy to see them happy, especially Daddy, because for a long time he had no peace, and only then did he regain all that when we met and he was with his grandson.

He deserves that, even from me and Max, he can feel that, so I know he’s satisfied. Alam kong sa huli mas pipiliin niya ang buhay niya na hindi niya nagawa kasama si Mommy. At sana makita ni Mommy Kenly na sobrang masaya na kami at masaya ang asawa niya nang makita ako.

I also know that Mommy Maxene is happy, they are both happy, and wherever they are, I hope they are also happy with each other’s feelings bagay na hindi nila nagawa noon dahil naging bawal ang pag-ibig nila.

“Love, I cooked bulalo, will Daddy Marcos like it?” Abby asked, causing me to look back at her in the kitchen, she was also looking around while holding the ladle. “Come here”

“Coming” When I got to the kitchen, I immediately hugged her from behind, kissed her cheek and looked at what she was cooking. “Ang sarap niyan, magugustuhan ni Dad” Nilingon niya ako.

“Are you sure? Tikman mo” Tinikman ko ang luto niya nang idikit niya ang sandok na may sabaw. Abby’s cooking is so delicious, she can beat my cooking because it’s so delicious, my smile widened and I kissed her on the lips again.

“That’s delicious, love, Max will eat a lot of that again and I’m sure Daddy will too” Abby’s smile widened at me too.

“Thank you love!” She turned her back on me again to mix what she was cooking while I still looked at her, following her movements.

I buried my face in her lap and tightened my hug around her waist.

“Lambing na naman ang gusto mo ’no?” Natatawang sambit niya.

I pouted before hugging her again. “You’re really cute”

Abby continued to face me, she held both my cheeks and caressed them repeatedly. It was as if she wanted to say something with her very affectionate look at me that made me look into her eyes. I kissed her on the lips.

“Love, if you have something to say, say it” I still hugged her and caressed her back. “I’ll listen no matter what happens”

My wife moved, she took something from her pocket and held it up.

It was a pregnancy kit and was positive.

“I’m pregnant” masayang sambit niya. Habang ako nakatingin sa pregnancy kit.

My mouth dropped slightly but that was because of joy, I was so happy when I saw that and when she said she was pregnant, she was pregnant again and we were going to have another child.

I kissed her again, a kiss filled with excitement and joy for her and for our child to be again.

“I love you…let’s do this again…thank you love, thank you so much” I hugged her again. “I’m happy love, I’m so happy with what’s happening to us now and in my life”

“Dad!” binitawan ko si Abby nang makita ko si Dad at Max na pumasok. “Abby is pregnant!”

I hugged him while still jumping.

“What? Mommy is pregnant?!” Max said as I saw her move away from us and approach Abby. “Mommy, am I going to have a sibling?!”

“Dad! I’m going to be a Mom and Dad and you’re going to be a Grandpa again!”

“I am happy for you! You’re really giving me a grandchild, aren’t you!” we happily hugged each other and Dad was jumping with excitement. “I can’t wait for my grandchild to come out!”

Hinalikan ako ni Daddy sa pisngi bago lumapit kay Abby.

“Abby” Daddy hugged Abby while Max hugged his Grandfather’s waist.

“I’ll go with Maxlene to take care of you, so don’t worry” I saw him kiss my wife’s hair. I went over to them and hugged them too.

My family is complete, the family I’ve dreamed of for a long time in life is now big and complete and I will ask for nothing more. That’s enough for me.

Just like my expression when Max was born, so was my expression when my wife gave birth to Aviel, a healthy and beautiful daughter of ours. Max was so happy to see his sister in my arms.

“Baby, her name is Aviel” I said affectionately to Max, I knelt down so he could see Aviel in my arms. Max slowly reached for his sister, caressing her cheek before bringing his lips to her forehead to kiss her.

“Hi, baby Aviel” he said sweetly. “Big brother is so happy to see you and he can’t wait to hold you forever” He kissed his sister again before hugging me. “Thank you, Momdy” I also hugged my daughter with one hand. “I promise I’ll take care of Aviel”

When I gave Aviel to Daddy Marco, he was crying just like Daddy and Mommy, we were complete because Abby’s family was here too.

I looked at Abby inside the room, the nurses were still fixing her up so we were waiting outside her room.

“Congrats Manok ko” Rico said, he put his arm around me and I put my arm around him back with a smile on my lips. “Lakas talaga ng manok ko, nakadalawa na kayo ni Abby” I laughed.

“Thank you, Rico” lumapit din sa amin Andy, Ej at Aki, si Malia ay hinanap ko ngunit binalingan din ako ni Ej.

“Naku, ang asawa ko buntis pinagpapahinga ko muna siya.” May ngiti sa kanyang labi. “Pero gusto niya makibalita, pag-uwi ko ay sasabihin ko sa kanya.”

“Wow! Buntis na ulit si Malia?! Lakas mo rin manok ko” Inakbayan din siya ni Rico kaya tatlo na kaming magkaakbay. “Tapos asawa na, wow naman”

“Oo ’no, gago, ano kayo lang may asawa”

We all laughed, Andy also greeted me and kissed my cheek while Aki was patting my back but there were smiles that said he was happy for me too.

“Thank you, guys, Abby will be happy that we are complete”

“Ate!” I turned around, Maxcil was there with more flowers while he was dragging a girl. “Ate” he shouted again so I laughed, he bumped his body into mine to hug me. “May bago na akong pamangkin!”

Niyakap ko pabalik ang kapatid ko, matagal ko rin hindi nakita ang kapatid ko dahil abala na rin siya sa sarili niyang buhay.

“Ate, girlfriend ko, si Emily, just call her Emi”

My smile widened when I finally looked at Emily, her face still red as if she was embarrassed.

“Hello po”

“Hi, Nice to meet you, Emi”

The whole family and friends also greeted her, I accepted because I was so happy because my brother finally has a girlfriend that he used to say he didn’t want.

When my wife woke up, I immediately gave her Aviel who was still sound asleep like our parents, she cried, held our child and kissed her, she also reached for Max who was also crying while looking at her sister.

The smile I let out on my lips was so affectionate and peaceful, smiles that I knew we were both at peace, we both had been waiting for these things to come that would be so happy. I was happy to see my wife fulfill one of her dreams, the one thing she really wanted that we always talked about and paid attention to.

I pointed my camera at them to capture them, to capture the latest chapter of Abby and I’s life in family planning and I know we have many more new chapters until our children grow up.

Kung noon ay si Abby lang ang buhay ko, ngayon ay tatlo na sila, tatlo silang buhay ko na ginusto kong maging buhay at lagi kong iingatan.

A/N:

Happy New Year, Everyone! Sorry short chapter, bawi ako sa Epilogue! Thank you so much!

Epilogue

A/N:

Hi guys, Capturing Hearts is over, thank you to those who are always waiting for my update even if it takes a long time and sorry if the story is not that good but thank you for all the support. I also have a next story, I hope you will also support !Happy New Year and take care always!

“Love, rest, you’re tired and I’ll take care of our children” She looked up at Maxl when she finished making me sit and lean on the bed. “What do you want for dinner?” she asked more.

“Hmm, Max mentioned that he wanted sinigang na baka” A smile appeared on her lips causing me to smile too.

“Okay, baby, I’ll cook but rest, you’re very tired from our trip” She grabbed my hair and kissed my forehead. “I’ll take care of everything”

I lay down completely while still facing her.

“Doesn’t anything hurt you, baby?” she asked. “Does your back hurt? Let me massage you” I shook my head.

“Later, love, I’m going to sleep and the kids might wake up, so you should cook first” Muli siyang tumango. “Thank you love, for always taking care of us”

“No need to thanks me, love, that’s my responsibility” Muli kaming humalik sa isa’t-isa bago ako tuluyang nakatulog na sa sobrang pagod.

Nang magising ako ay naririnig ko ang boses ni Maxl at ng mga anak ko sa sala, hindi naman sila masyadong maingay pero nagising na rin ako, kumpleto na ang aking pahinga at alam kong nawala na rin ang pagod ko mula sa byahe.

Kailangan ko nga talagang magpahilot kay Maxl dahil sobrang sakit ng likod ko. Ang haba ng byahe namin pauwi rito sa isla vista dahil galing pa kaming London, dinalaw namin sila Mommy Kenly at Mommy Maxene.

Taon-taon namin silang dinadalaw kasama si Daddy Marco, natutuwa naman ito at nagigiiing masaya kapag nakikita sila at nadadalaw namin sila. Ito pa nga mismo ang nagpapaalala sa amin na aalis na kami dahil baka makalimutan namin.

Nag-ayos na muna ako bago ako lumabas ng kwarto, naamoy ko na rin ang sinigang na baka na luto ni Maxl at ang tilian ng mga anak ko.

Dumungaw ako sa sala, naroon sila naglalaro ng PS5 hindi nakabukas ang ilaw sa sala kaya tanging liwanag na nasa malaking TV ang tanging nagiging paraan ko upang masilayan ko silang tatlo. Nakayakap si Aviel sa likod ni Maxl habang si Maxl ay kinikiliti si Max na nakahiga na sa sofa, nagiging malikot dahil nga kinikiliti siya.

“Momdy!” hiyaw ni Max. “Nakikiliti po ako!”

Si Maxl ay tawang-tawa na patuloy pa rin sa ginagawa niya, si Aviel ay tinatakpan ang mga mata ni Maxl dahilan para mapatigil ito habang tumatawa pa rin. Si Aviel naman ang hinawakan nito mula sa likod at si Max bumangon upang si Maxl naman ang kilitiin niya.

I watched them with a wide grin, Maxl always does this whenever she is left with our two children when I am resting or sleeping. That’s not my problem and I am happy because I know she loves our children more than she loves me and she really hasn’t let me down in her promises she’s been telling me for a long time that she wants me to fulfill and see. Kita ko iyon lahat at hanggang ngayon na lumalaki na ang mga anak namin.

“Oh! That’s pretty mommy!” Natawa ako nang ituro ako ni Max habang nakasakay sa likod ni Maxl dahil si Aviel naman ang kinikilit nito.

“Mommy!” sigaw din ni Aviel na tuluyang yumakap kay Maxl. “Momdy, let’s go to Mommy!” Malawak ang mga ngiti ni Maxl nang lumingon siya sa akin, tinuluyan niyang niyakap si Aviel at binuhat, si Max naman ay yumakap sa likod niya kaya hindi ko maiwasang matawa.

“Ang cute naman ng mga baby ko” Lumapit sa akin si Maxl na yakap ng mga anak namin, kinuha ko si Aviel at hinalikan sa pisngi. “Dito na si Mommy, nagpahinga lang”

“Opo! Opo! Sorry, Mommy kung nagising ka sa ingay namin” si Max na nakasilip mula sa likod ni Maxl. Umiling naman ako.

“Hindi, anak, it’s okay, kumpleto na rin ang tulog ko at nakapaghinga ka naman”

“Mommy, naglaro kami ni Momdy ng tekken, lagi akong talo!” bibong sambit ni Aviel, humawak ito sa aking pisngi habang nagsasalita parin. “Kahit umiyak ako hindi niya ako pinapanalo, Mommy!”

Natawa ako lalo nang umakto siyang naiiyak na. Niyakap ko ang anak ko habang tumatawa pa rin. “Shh, matatalo mo rin si Momdy, maglaro ka lang nang maglaro”

Max also laughed at her and Maxl couldn’t help but pinch Maxl because I was so happy. She laughed even harder so I started shaking my head.

“Come on, eat, Mommy’s hungry”

We ate in the living room, the only table we had was the table that was the right size for us while facing the big TV that now had CoCo Melon on the screen. Natatawa na lang ako dahil sumasabay si Aviel sa saya nito bago kami tuluyang kumain.

“It’s so delicious, Momdy!” si Max bago sinubo ang nasa kutsara niya. “I love sinigang na baka”

“Hmm, so sarap!” Si Aviel naman, tinaas pa nito ang kutsara niya nang maisubo na ang kinakain. “MomDy bukas gusto ko po bbque”

“What? It’s barbeque, baby” ako naman ang natawa sa pagiging bibo ni Aviel. “Why bbque ang tawag mo?”

“Because of Tita Ej po, sabi niya ay bbque”

“That’s cool, bbque” Siniko ko si Maxl dahil inasar pa niya talaga si Aviel.

“Hmp! No, MomDy don’t bully me!”

“You’re so cute, princess, let me kiss you” Max kissed Aviel’s cheek tenderly. “So cute cute, don’t grow up because you might not kiss me anymore”

“Nooo! Kiss me anytime, kuya” Aviel kiss her brother too.

Nilingon namin ni Maxl ang isa’t-isa na may malalawak na ngiti sa isa’t-isa. Hinawakan ko ang kanyang kamay mula sa ilalim ng mesa.

“Let me kiss you too later”

“Okay, kiss me and lambing me”

I watched Maxl changing clothes with Aviel again, Aviel loved Maxl changing her clothes before she went to bed at ako naman ay si Max ang inaasikaso habang nakayakap pa ito sa akin.

“Momdy, am I beautiful?” Maxl and I looked at each other. “Arkiel always teases me”

“Baby, you’re always beautiful, Arkiel is just teasing you…”

“I hate him, Momdy!” Yumakap si Aviel kay Maxl. “Mabuti pa si Ino, mabait sa akin…”

That’s Rico’s second child, same age with Aviel.

Oh…

“Mommy, pwede po ba isama si Aviel bukas kay Maria bukas? We’re going to play po!” nalipat ang tingin ko kay Max. “Aviel always enjoy with Maria po kasi, gusto ko masaya lagi si Aviel kasi laging inaasar ni Arkiel.”

Tumango ako.

“Don’t worry, Max, kakausapin ko si Ninang Andy mo ha? Huwag na asarin ang kapatid mo.”

Tumango rin ang anak ko sa akin.

“But Arkiel po kasi laging binabanggit si Aviel kaya hindi ko alam po kung natutuwa ba talaga ’yun kay Aviel o ano…”

Napailing na lang ako sa isip ko. Masyado pang maaga para maging ganto ang mga anak namin, mga bata pa sila pero hindi ko na maiwasang isipin ang magiging buhay nila sa isa’t-isa paglaki.

When we finished, we put our children to bed, they fell asleep hugging each other, I didn’t forget to kiss them before we left their room.

I turned to the living room and sat there, Maxl went straight to the kusina to get water for both of us and when she came back she immediately locked me in her arms.

“I miss you” She kissed her on the cheek, I smiled and put my legs on her thigh, I was side so I was able to do that easily. “How are you love? Let me massage you” I shook my head, I also missed my wife kaya gusto ko muna na ganito kami, I hugged her and her hands were still hugging me, still touching my skin.

“Later, love or maybe tomorrow” I leaned on her shoulder while we were still hugging each other, one of her hand came down on my leg to caress it.

Silence enveloped us, feeling each other. Maxl and I are always like this when our day ends when we are tired or we are busy with our children, our last day still ends with each other.

Maxl moved and I looked at her. “Love, lie down, I’ll lie down with you” Ginawa ko ang sinabi niya, humiga ako upang humiga siya sa aking ibabaw, tinagilid niya ang ulo niyang nakahiga sa aking dibdib.

Hinahaplos ko ang buhok niya habang mga kamay niya ay humahaplos sa aking magkabilang braso. Matamis ang ngiting pinakawalan ko bago ko pinikit ang mga mata ko, masarap sa pakiramdam na lagi pa ring nagpapahinga sa akin si Maxl, hindi niya nakakalimutang magpahinga sa akin bagay na alam kong hindi ko rin naman makakalimutang gawin sa kanya.

Bumaba ang hinlalaki ko sa kanyang pisngi upang haplusin din iyon.

“Baby, Daddy Marco wants to be with our two children, he is in the city with Mommy and Daddy, is that okay?”

I continued to caress her.

“Of course, love, Andy’s birthday is tomorrow and their children are not there either, so we have time for them” I said sweetly.

“Thank you, love, Daddy always wants to be with them…”

“What about you? You don’t miss Daddy?”

“I miss him but he just want Max and Aviel this time.”

I hugged her tighter.

“I love you” I said sweetly.

“I love you so much, let’s rest”

Maxl and I woke up when we heard a sound coming from the kitchen when I looked back it was Max and Aviel there.

There were two pots on the stove, I saw Max mixing the fried rice while Aviel was just looking at his brother and he was standing on the small chair that Maxl made for her.

“Baby, don’t put your face too close, it’s hot” Max told Aviel, he held her to pull her away. “It’s delicious, you’ll love it”

“What’s that, kuya?” Aviel asked him with a smile.

Maxl and I finally got up but we didn’t immediately approach them and call them, we just watched them both.

“Fried rice with egg and small hotdog!”

“Wow! So sawap!” Si Aviel na tumatalon-talon habang hawak ang kanyang kapatid. “And it’s tushino?” natawa si Maxl nang marinig iyon kay Aviel.

“Yes, baby, that’s tushino!” Si Max. “But Tocino is the correct pronunciation baby”

“To…cino” Si Aviel. “Owkay, that’s Tushino!”

We both laughed causing our children to turn to us.

“Mommy! Mommy!” Aviel shouted, running towards us. “Mommy, MOmdy!” SInalubong namin si Aviel at mahigpit na niyakap, si Max naman ay pinatay ang kalan at tumakbo na rin papalapit sa amin.

“Good morning, Momdy, Mommy!” bati ni Max at yumakap kay Maxl dahil sa akin nakayakap si Aviel. “Sorry po, nagising po ba namin kayo?”

“No, baby, it’s okay” Hinalikan siya ni Maxl sa noo. “You cooked delicious, baby”

“Really!?” Muling yumakap si Max sa kanya. “Me and Aviel cook po!”

“Yes, yes!” si Aviel na nakayakap pa rin sa aking leeg. “Sawap luto ni Kuya!”

Tumawa kaming lahat. Hinalikan ko ang anak ko bago ko tuluyang binuhat upang pumunta na sa kusina upang maghain na. Buhat ko pa rin si Aviel habang naglalapag ako ng mga pinggan, kutsara’t tinidor.

“Baby, kain ka ng marami ha?” Sabi ko sa anak ko na siyang kinatango nito nang paulit-ulit. “Kumain nang kumain…”

“Kain tayo marami, Mommy”

Ang cute talaga ng anak ko, pinanggigilan ko ang pisngi nito.

“Ang cute mo talaga!”

We were just talking while we were eating, Aviel had more and more stories about the things she wanted to do and the cooking she and her brother had done earlier.

“Grandpa wants to see us!” Aviel while hugging his brother. “Brother, let’s play with them”

“Yes, princess” Max picked her up as they circled around.

Maxl and I were washing while looking at them and listening to what they were talking about.

“Ate Aleah and Hailey we can play with them too”

“Really, I miss ate Aleah and ate Hailey!”

“Love, it looks like our children will enjoy the city” I nodded while smiling. “Let’s fix the mansion in the city”

I nodded again. “Sure, love, let me help you, it’s also close to the university”

“Is Andy’s celebration tonight?” I nodded. “Daddy will pick up the children at noon”

“Mommy, mamimiss kita” si Aviel habang binibihisan ko siya. “Mommy tawag ka kay Lolo bukas ha” tumango ako sa aking anak, malambing kong hinalikan ang pisngi niya. “Momdy ssaid may birthday si Tita Andy tonight, sow enjoy po kayo”

“I love you, anak” Hinahaplos ko ang magkabilang pisngi niya. “Tatawag kami ni Momdy bukas, magpakabait kayo ha?”

“I love you, Mommy”

Tahimik na yumakap ang anak ko sa akin, nararadaman ko ang halik niya sa aking buhok at paghaplos sa aking likod. Mahigpit ko siyang niyakap at nilingon ko naman si Max at Maxl na nasa kama na nagkukultan at nag-uusap.

“Baby, halika” Inayusan ko ang buhok ni Aviel, tinali ko iyon habang nakatingin namin sa salamin na nasa harap. “Ang ganda mo, anak”

“Thank youw, Mommy!”

“Love, picture”

Nasa likod namin ang mga anak namin habang nakaupo kami sa kama, nakatutuok sa amin ang camera. “Pose na!” Nag-wacky pose kami agad dahil iyon ang gusto ni Aviel, sumunod naman ay smile lang at ang panghuli ay nakahalik sa amin ang mga anak namin.

I looked at Maxl with a smile when Daddy Marco and the kids left.

“Baby, get ready” I told her. “Andy wants to see us, they say they are already there”

“Oh, they’re excited”

Maxl was taking off her t-shirt when we entered the room, I went straight to the cabinet to find something to wear, nilingon ko si Maxl na abala na rin sa paghahanap, naka-bra na lang siya kaya hindi ko maiwasang ibaba ang tingin sa kanyang katawan.

“Why? Am I still yummy?” Hinawakan ko ang light abs niya at bahagyang pinisil. “Ouch”

“Crazy”

Tumawa siya nang tumawa, nilapit niya ang mukha niya sa akin upang halik-halikan ang aking pisngi.

“You miss my abs na siguro” Muli kong hinawakan ang abs niya at hinaplos iyon. “See, you caressing me right now”

The smiles she gives me are mischievous, she really enjoys it when I caress her abs when I catch her with her top off.

“What are you going to wear, my baby?” she asked, kissing me again on the cheek and completely hugging my waist. “You’re really sexy, baby”

“A light blue dress shirt and white shorts maybe” Maxl turned her face away from me with a smile on her lips as if she was happy with what she heard.

“Really? It suits you, go change” Before she could pull me away I stopped her.

“We’re both wearing tops and shorts, it’s going to be cold later in the evening since we’re at the beach”

“Okay, let’s go”

Nang matapos kami sa pagbihis ay walang tigil na ang pagpicture sa akin ni Maxl sa camera niya, naka-pose na ako sa kama at nang matapos iyon ay hinawakan ko siya upang pigilan na.

“Ikaw naman, puro mukha ko na ang nandyan.” Hinila ko siya pahiga sa kama at umupo sa kanyang kandungan. I pointed the camera at her but I stopped when I saw her pose, she looked so hot and piercing, her bangs were parted from her face, the shirt she was wearing was already rumpled and slightly lifted.

“Why?” Maxl grabbed my waist. “Want me?”

“Crazy!” I pointed the camera at her again, I only swallowed harder when she licked slightly in the same pose, parting her bangs was also her pose. “You so hot”

“I know” She caressed my waist while still looking at the camera. “Kiss me nga” I put down the camera, I bent down to kiss her. “Hmm, it’s delicious” Kinulong niya ako sa bisig niya kaya tuluyan akong napahiga sa ibabaw niya.

“Miss mo na naman ako” Pabirong sambit ko.

“Yes, I miss you, baby time tayo pag-uwi”

We felt each other again, I was just trapped in her arm which calmed my whole body down again, we hugged each other silently and all we could hear was each other’s breathing and heartbeat.

We lay there for a few minutes hugging each other before we woke up, I was still sitting on his lap and he was still hugging me.

“Ganda mo, my baby” Halik niya sa aking labi, sumiksik na naman siya sa akin. “Ganda-ganda mo naman, ikaw na ang laman ng ig ko”

Tumawa ako.

“Patay na patay ka kasi sa akin” Tumango siya sa aking leeg. 

She fell silent so I reached for her hair to caressed it, my hands also went down to her cheek I really can’t forget to caressed her like this because I know she really wants it and I want to do it to her.

“We have fulfilled all our dreams and promises, love” I said affectionately. “We have done everything, you have done everything you told me without you knowing”

Her face was still pressed against my neck. “Thank you for not disappointing yourself with all your plans for you and our family”

“I did it because I was with you, I did it because of you” Masuyong sambit niya. “I did all that because of you, Abby, you are truly my life” Inabot niya ang muli labi ko upang mahalikan.

“You are my life, Abby, until now you are still my life and no matter what happens.”

Maxl continues to capture me and my life, continuing to capture everything in both of our hearts.

“I love you”

“I love you so much, let’s continue capturing each other…”

THE END