About The Story

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, business, places, and events are product of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Do not distribute without the permit of the author.

**

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Beginning

#COMM 

Beginning

“Congratulations. We’ll see you at the rehearsals,” the organizer said.

I swear, if only I could jump like an idiot, I would. But I contented myself with a simple smile and said a simple, “Thanks.” Mama always told me not to giveaway much about myself. Remain a mystery, she always said.

Keep them wanting for more.

After the meeting, I immediately went to the comfort room. I was summoned to appear at home. I didn’t know that Dad would already know that I was here. I just landed last week! I thought I could hide for at least a month!

When I was done retouching my makeup, I went inside one of the stalls to pee. And I was minding my own business until I heard my name being mentioned.

“It’s okay. Maybe this show’s not for you,” a girl said.

“This show should be for me! I almost killed myself by not eating para lang pumasok ako sa required size! Then what? Mapupunta sa ibang babae? Sa Siobhan na ’yun?! I fucking hate people with connections!”

My brow immediately arched.

“Yeah… It’s kinda unfair. She’s practically a nobody in the modeling world tapos nakakuha agad siya ng ganito kalaki na gig? I heard anak siya ng ambassador tapos apo ng presidente.”

I kept my mouth pressed. Sino ba ’tong mga nag-uusap tungkol sa akin? At hindi nila ako kilala. I auditioned for this gig! Hindi porke apo ako ng presidente at anak ako ng ambassador, nakukuha ko na lahat!

God. Gomez de Liaño pa ang last name ko. Paano pa kung de Marco? Lahat na lang ba ng pinaghirapan ko, iisipin nila na binigay na lang sa akin? Would they just simply disregard everything I have worked hard for?

This was so unfair.

“But I heard, she slept with the casting agent daw…”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko.

“Maybe that’s it. Maganda nga, malandi naman. Baka may STD—”

Hindi na natapos ang sasabihin nung babae dahil mabilis akong lumabas sa stall. Kitang-kita ko ang panlalaki ng mga mata nila nang makita nila ako sa harap ng salamin.

“Excuse me?” I asked them.

I had always practiced restraint on my part. I had always kept in mind everything my mother told me… but not at the expense of my hard work being belittled. I didn’t freaking go to Paris to study for nothing. Ni hindi ko nga ginusto na tumira sa Pilipinas dahil alam ko na bawat galaw ko ay titignan ng mga tao. Na bawat makukuha ko, iisipin nila na binigay lang sa akin.

God, for once I wanted to be taken seriously!

I looked at the two women in front of me. They looked good, but their attitude stunk. Couldn’t they just be happy for another woman’s achievement? Why the need to bring others down? For what? To make them feel good about themselves?

“I thought so,” I said when I heard nothing from them. They just looked too stunned dahil narinig ko lahat ng pinag-usapan nila. Magaling lang magsalita kapag wala ang pinag-uusapan.

I re-applied my lipstick at saka tinignan sila. “For the record, you don’t need to sleep with anyone to get a job. If it’s for you, you’ll get it,” payo ko sa kanila. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang pinagdaanan nila para isipin nila na kinailangan kong gawin iyon para lang makuha ang trabaho.

Walking for Steven Jacob’s line is a dream come true for me. Bata pa lang ako, gusto ko ng maging model ng mga damit niya. But never would I sacrifice myself para lang makuha iyon. I know how to reach for my dreams, but I also know my limits.

Naglalakad na ako palabas ng maramdaman ko na biglang hinahatak ang buhok ko.

“You fucking bitch! You think you’re too good?!” sabi nung babae. Ang tanging nararamdaman ko lang ay ang sakit ng paghatak niya sa buhok ko.

“Sha! Apo ng presidente ’yan! Tigilan mo!” awat nung isang babae.

“I don’t care! She’s so arrogant!” sabi nung babae at saka nagsimula akong kalmutin sa mukha. Oh! Not my face! That’s my bread and butter!

I felt my hair being pulled from their roots and my skin being scrapped from surface. I was starting to taste blood in my mouth.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal sinabunutan sa sa CR bago napagod iyong babae. I couldn’t even fight for myself! I grew up with security details surrounding me! Kaya nga hindi ako naglalakad sa kalsada, e. I had a gut feeling na masasagasaan na lang ako bigla.

I was too sheltered that I felt really useless. Na kahit sa Paris, alam ko na may nakasunod pa rin sa akin kahit saan ako pumunta. At ngayon na nandito na ako sa Pilipinas, my so-called freedom only lasted for a week.

Pag-uwi ko sa condo, agad kong tinignan ang itsura ko.

“Mom’s going to kill her,” I told the mirror as I stared at the reflection. I was the only girl. At kahit na pinakamatanda ako sa aming magkakapatid, I was the family’s baby. I pitied the girl who did this to me. Mom would never forgive her for giving me this fat lip.

Sinubukan ko na takpan iyong mga kalmot sa mukha ko. I managed to conceal a little, but my fat lip was too obvious. I think I bit my lip while she was pulling my hair and banging my head against the sink.

“She’s so dead,” I said before I left the condo to meet my family.

---

Pagpasok ko pa lang sa bahay, agad kong narinig ang palakpakan ng mga kapatid ko. Psalm was even hooting, that ass.

“Nice!” Psalm said and then attempted to high-five with me. I slapped my palm at his face.

“Where’s Mom and Dad?” tanong ko kay Austin. He’s the one I always asked kapag may kailangan akong malaman at wala akong pasensya para makipagbiruan. Si Psalm kasi, kapag wala ako sa mood, gusto ko siyang saktan.

“Outside,” he simply replied.

“Didn’t you fight back?” Psalm asked, looking at my face. “You used to beat us up when we were kids. Why did you let some girl hurt you?” he asked, sounding a bit worried.

My eyes widened. “Bakit niyo alam?”

“Mom,” Psalm replied. “Don’t ask me how they know. You know how creepy they sometimes are. They just… know,” he said with a shudder.

“You look like shit, Mags,” Saint said.

I frowned. “Really?”

Saint nodded. “You hid from Dad for a week and then he’d see you looking like you’re applying for MMA. He’s gonna flip.”

Psalm interrupted. “No, Mom’s going to flip. Just you watch, Mags. She’s gonna drag your sorry ass back to the house.”

I glared at him. “Thanks, ha,” I sarcastically said.

Psalm grinned. “No prob. We miss your stupid voice. The house is very quiet without your constant nagging.”

Gosh. I was starting to miss the calm and serene of Paris.

Habang naghihintay para kila Mama, naupo muna ako. Sa tabi ako ni Cohen naupo dahil siya ang pinaka-tahimik sa mga kapatid ko. Sinandal ko iyong ulo ko sa balikat niya. Ang bilis namang tumangkad nito. The last time I saw him, he’s like 5’7. Now, he seemed like he’s past 6.

“I missed you,” sabi ko at saka niyakap siya. “May girlfriend ka na?” He shook his head. I patted his head. “Good. You’re my baby. No girls allowed.”

Psalm faked a gagging noise. “Get a room, you two.”

Agad siyang binatukan ni Austin. “They’re siblings, asshole.”

And Saint was not minding the two of them for he’s texting someone. Akmang sisilip sana ako kung sino ang kausap niya dahil para siyang tanga na ngumingiti nang marinig ko ang boses ni Mom.

Lumingon ako at nakita ko na may kasama siya. Mom’s eyes looked like they’re blazing in anger when she scanned my face and saw the fat lip and gash.

“Maggie, meet Jasper. He’s going to be your security detail from now on,” she said and then motioned at the guy who was standing firmly beside her. He was standing so straight na parang may ruler sa likod niya.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. I thought I outgrew having someone tail me! I was 23, for heaven’s sake! “But Mom!”

“My decision is final, Siobhan Margarette.”

And then I heard my stupid brothers laughing and clapping. I hate my life.

Chapter 1

#COMM  

Chapter 1 

Carefully eyeing the guy in front of me, I decided if I would go for it. I mean, he looked OK. Honestly, I’d seen better. My brothers, annoying as they may, all looked good. Also, my cousins were all lookers. And I was in the modeling world. Of course I was surrounded by good looking guys.

But this Jasper? I didn’t know. He’s not the usual kind of good looking that I was used to. I mean, I wasn’t even sure if he knew how to smile! Lagi lang seryoso iyong mukha niya. He’s kinda scary in a way.

“So… you graduated top of your class, but why are you stuck with a dead end job?” I asked this guy called Jasper.

“Confidential, Ma’am,” he replied.

I rolled my eyes. “If you’re stuck with me, might as well call me Maggie,” sabi ko sa kanya. Since Dad learned that I’d be staying here in the Philippines for good, alam ko na mas hindi siya papayag na mag-isa lang ako. Mas lalo na dahil sa nangyaring incident before. I wasn’t even sure if Mom managed to track down the girl who violated my face, as per Mom’s description. Pero kung nakita siya ni Mom? Wow. Bahala siya sa buhay niya.

“I’m good with Ma’am,” he replied. God, even his voice sounded so boring.

“Well, I’m not good with Ma’am. You’re making me feel old,” reklamo ko sa kanya, pero wala man lang nagbago sa reaksyon niya. Napailing na lang ako at saka naglakad palayo sa kanya. I felt him following me. “I’m inside my house. Walang sasaksak sa akin dito,” I said, rolling my eyes. But dang! He’s still following me! Kulit!

When I reached the kitchen, I saw Psalm drinking water.

“What’s up? You look pissed already.”

I glared at him. “It’s morning and you’re annoying already.”

“Tss. Why are you so nice to Cohen and so mean to me?” tanong niya sa akin. Because Psalm’s hobby was to annoy people—and to give mom and dad heart attacks. Hobby niya na magdala ng barkada niya sa bahay tapos sasabihin niya kay Mom na boyfriend niya. And Mom, being the devout Catholic that she is, will have a mini heart attack. At saka pa lang sasabihin ni Psalm na joke lang.

God, minsan hindi ko talaga siya maintindihan. Siya lang ang ganyan sa mga kapatid ko. Pero minsan, nahahawa na si Saint sa kanya. I hope ’wag si Austin.

“Because you’re annoying,” I told him.

“Nah. It’s because you’re pissed,” sabi niya. “Your days of freedom are over, Mags.”

I faked a laugh. “And you’ll forever be single, Psalm,” sabi ko at saka iniwan siya. Paglabas ko ng kusina, agad kong nakita si Jasper. He was just looking at me. His face was so serious.

“I’m going out,” I told him. “You know how to drive?” I asked him. He nodded. I threw him the key and he caught it. Impressive. “Drive for me.”

Pero nagulat din ako ng ibato niya pabalik sa akin iyong susi. This guy! Muntik ng tamaan iyong mukha ko!

“I’m your guard, not you driver, Ma’am,” sagot niya.

“What?”

“I was hired to protect you, not to drive you around.”

My jaw fell. This guy had some nerves.

“Well, if you can drive, why not drive for me, too? Because I’m dead sure that I won’t be shot or stabbed while inside the car,” I said, my teeth almost gritting in anger. Ngayon lang ulit ako nakakita ng tao na sinasagot-sagot ako maliban kay Psalm.

Jasper remained calm and stoic. “Still not a part of my job, Ma’am.”

And God. He just made me stomp my foot like I was some six years old who didn’t get what she wanted!

---

When I arrived at the venue to rehearsal, halos nagsisimula na. I wanted to just drive myself around, pero hindi pwede dahil pakiramdam ko, bali iyong wrist ko. Siguro tumama sa sink habang sinasabunutan ako nung babae. And since Jasper was being so annoying, naghanap pa ako ng pwedeng magdrive para sa akin. I had to bribe Psalm to drive me and my driver papunta sa venue!

“Alam mo, as a guard, sobrang high maintenance mo,” I told him while I was getting ready. It was only a rehearsal, but Mr. Stevens wanted everything to be performed as if performance night na.

“I’m your boss, pero ako pa ang magda-drive para sa ’yo?”

“You’re not my boss, Ma’am. Your parents are,” sagot niya. Aba, aba sumasagot pa!

“Can you be less annoying, Jasper?” I asked him.

“I’m afraid not, Ma’am.”

And… I just broke my eyeliner in half dahil sa sobrang inis kay Jasper. Alam mo ’yung hindi naman siya nang-iinis pero nakakainis talaga siya? Kainis!

“Miss Gomez de Liaño?” tanong nung babae matapos niyang buksan iyong pintuan. “Here are the clothes for the first walk,” sabi niya tapos inabot sa akin iyong clothes bag. “In five minutes daw po, start na.”

I smiled and thanked her. Binuksan ko at halos mapatili ako nang makita ko iyong isusuot ko. This was really happening!

I was hugging the dress when I saw at Jasper watching me. I arched my brow. “What? Don’t tell me papanoorin mo rin akong magbihis?”

Instead of answering, naglakad siya palabas pero hindi niya sinara iyong pintuan. Lumapit ako para isara sana kasi kita iyong salamin mula sa butas ng pintuan. And I’d die first bago ako makitaan ng Jasper na ’to!

Isasara ko sana iyong pinto nang biglang humarang iyong kamay niya. Ni hindi man lang nasaktan. Manhid na ba ’tong tao na ’to?

“This dressing room is so small! And you checked it before! Pwede bang isara iyong pinto?!” I asked, a bit annoyed dahil in five minutes, dapat ready na ako.

“No, Ma’am,” he replied.

“I’m just going to change! Isasara ko lang ’yung pinto dahil baka masilipan ako!”

“I’ll make sure no one comes in while you’re changing,” he simply replied with his boring voice.

“Paano kung ikaw ang sumilip?” I asked, arching my brow.

Jasper looked at me with his bored eyes. “With all due respect, Ma’am, you’re not my type,” sabi niya at saka mabilis na kinabig iyong pinto.

God, what had my mom done? Bakit niya ako dinikit sa ganitong klaseng lalaki?

---

Nang matapos iyong rehearsals, nag-aayos na ako ng gamit. Jasper was standing while watching me. Hindi tuloy ako makagalaw nang maayos dahil palaging may nanonood sa akin.

“Hi.” Agad akong napatigil sa ginagawa ko nang lumapit sa akin si Rafa. “Maggie, right?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yeah… why?” tanong ko.

He smiled and showed me his pearly whites. “Nothing. Just wanna introduce myself,” sabi niya sa akin.

“Oh,” I said. “Hi,” ulit ko. I knew who Rafael was. He’s one of the highest paid models of his generation. Of course I’d know who he was dahil nagkalat ang mukha niya sa Edsa pati na sa mga magazine. But that didn’t mean that I’d admit that I know him.

Inilagay niya iyong kamay niya sa batok niya at saka ngumiti sa akin. “So… there’s a party for the models. I was thinking of inviting you?”

Tumingin ako sa mga babae. None of them liked me, alam ko. It’s not as if they made an effort to make me feel welcomed.

“I don’t think they’d want that,” sabi ko sabay turo sa mga babae.

“They’d like that,” Rafa assured.

“No, I don’t think they like me,” I honestly said. And I honestly didn’t care. If they didn’t want me, fine by me. Basta ’wag lang nila akong sasaktan physically dahil nandyan na si Jasper. Para magkasilbi naman siya sa buhay ko.

“Well, I like you. Isn’t that reason enough to come?” Rafa asked. Wow. It didn’t even take him five minutes before he hit on me.

I shrugged and said, “Sorry, I don’t mix business with pleasure. But thanks anyway… sorry, I didn’t get your name?”

And by the looks on his face, I knew that I just made him want me more.

“Rafa,” he replied, smiling at me. Gotcha.

---

Kinausap pa ako ng organizer bago ako pinayagan na umalis. I was so happy dahil base daw sa performance ko kanina, ako iyong napili ni Mr. Stevens para gawin iyong final walk. God! Daig ko pa ang napili para suotin iyong fantasy bra!

I was practically bouncing habang hinahanap ko kung nasaan si Jasper. I didn’t have his number, and I would never ask for his number.

“She walks like she has a club foot tapos siya sa final walk?! God, napaka-unfair naman!”

“True! Ano? Pera-pera na lang?”

I chose to turn around because I didn’t want them raining on my parade. But even as I walked away, I still heard their words—their unforgiving words.

“Baka totoo nga kasi iyong sinabi ni Sha… baka, you know? She did a favor para makuha ’to? Kasi ’di ba? First gig niya tapos finale agad?”

I clenched my fist.

‘No, Maggie. You’re way better than baseless rumors. You know how cutthroat this industry is. If you want to stay, learn how to chew their insults like it’s breakfast,’ I reminded myself.

Diretso akong naglalakad nang bigla akong tumama. Hindi ko alam na wala na pala ako sa sarili ko nang maangat ako ng tingin at nakita ko si Jasper.

“S-san ka ba galing?” I asked. My chest was still tight. I didn’t notice that I was holding my breath. “Tara na,” I told him.

Diretso akong naglakad habang naka-sunod sa akin si Jasper. When we reached the car, he sat on the driver’s seat.

“Akala ko ba ako ang magda-drive?” I asked him as I fastened the seatbelt on the shotgun seat.

Instead of answering my question, he said, “You did great, Ma’am.” And then off he drove.

Chapter 2

#COMM

Chapter 2

Rafael Gozon wants to add you as a friend

My eyebrow automatically arched upon seeing this notification. This guy surely knew how to move fast. It was only yesterday when we officially met, yet he’s already adding me on facebook. I was uncertain if I’d feel honored or creeped out by his initiative.

“Hey,” sabi ko nang makita ko si Jasper na nag-aabang na sa labas ng kwarto ko. I was seriously wondering if he’s like sleeping outside my room! Kahit kasi ano’ng aga ng gising ko, nandyan agad siya sa labas.

Jasper was looking at me, not saying anything, but I knew he’s listening. What’s with military guys? He’s… so dull.

“I have a question,” sabi ko sa kanya. I was already expecting nothing from him, so I just continued with my query. “Up to what extent will you follow me?”

“I don’t follow, Ma’am,” he replied like the dull boy that he was.

“I mean, what if I have a date? Nandun ka rin?”

“Yes, but on the next table,” he simply required.

“Seriously?”

His face was impassive. “Seriously, Ma’am.”

“What if…” I trailed and I just looked at him and wiggled my eyebrows. Jasper’s a guy—no matter how dull and boring he looked. And it’s not as if I’d shag someone here in the Philippines! Wala na nga akong masyadong kilala dito maliban sa mga kamag-anak namin. I was just asking Jasper some questions dahil gusto kong malaman kung hanggang saan ba ako pinapabantayan nila Mama.

Tinignan lang ako ni Jasper. “You do what you want to do. I won’t judge, Ma’am.”

“Seriously?! Like if I were to shag someone, you’ll be outside the door?!” gulat na sabi ko.

He nodded.

“Gross!” I exclaimed.

“It’s not as if I’d enjoy listening, Ma’am,” he offered as an explanation.

I stormed out dahil pakiramdam ko, bigla akong nadumihan dahil sa mga sinabi ni Jasper. I looked for my parents to raise hell because this felt like invasion of privacy! Did they seriously instruct Jasper to follow me every-freaking-where?!

“Tell Mom I’m going to talk to her when I come back!” sabi ko sa gulat na gulat na si Cohen nang makasalubong ko siya sa kusina. I went to my room and prepared dahil kailangan na pala ako sa rehearsals.

“Can you sit in front?” I asked Jasper dahil katabi ko siya sa backseat. I wanted to do some retouch with my make-up, but he’s sitting too close. Umiling siya. I wanted to claw his face, but I calmed myself. ‘Sandali na lang nasa venue na kami,’ I kept on reminding myself.

Pagdating namin sa venue, agad akong bumaba. Ako pa rin ang may dala ng gamit ko, because seriously? What do I even expect from Jasper? He’s like a bratty bodyguard! Ako pa ang nag-a-adjust.

“Good morning,” Rafa greeted upon seeing me.

“Morning,” I replied.

I knew Rafa’s kind. He’s one of those guys who’s used to getting what they want— who they want. And the key to getting someone like him is to pretend that you don’t care about his existence. It would drive him crazy.

“Do you prefer coffee or tea?” he asked while I was putting my things down.

“I’ll head to the dressing area,” I told him.

“No prob, I’ll go for a coffee run.”

“Aren’t you needed for fitting?” tanong ko. I mean, I get that he’s Rafa and he’s already made a name for himself in the modeling world. But still, professionalism.

The answer he gave me was a shrug. I didn’t understand why he thought that being irresponsible would make me want him… I mean, siguro a few years ago, I would think that he’s cool for ditching responsibilities for me. But I was 23. I think being responsible is the new sexy.

Dumiretso na ako sa dressing room para ibigay sa akin iyong mga isusuot ko. As usual, Jasper was following me.

“Can you just stay here?” tanong ko sa kanya. I was well-aware na tinitignan kami ng mga tao. They’re saying na masyado raw akong maarte dahil may kasama pa akong bodyguard. It’s not as if gusto ko naman… hindi masaya na palaging may naka-tingin sa lahat ng ginagawa mo.

I looked at Jasper, eyes pleading.

“Okay,” he replied.

I smiled. “Thank you!”

Pumasok ako sa loob at nakita ko agad iyong mga babae na ayaw sa akin. I wanted to smile at them, but I thought that they might think that I was just taunting them. Gusto ko naman kasi talaga ng kaibigan… but not at the expense of forcing myself on someone. Iyong mga pinsan ko naman kasi, halos puro lalaki. There’s Addie, but she’s always busy with her business.

Siguro the only way for me to have a female who wouldn’t hate my guts is when my brothers get themselves a girlfriend. May tiwala naman kasi ako sa mga kapatid ko. I was sure that they have impeccable taste. Hindi naman sila maiinlove sa masama ang ugali na babae.

“Oh, wow,” I said in awe when I saw the gown.

“Fits you perfectly,” the lady said.

Naka-tingin ako sa salamin sa harapan ko. I bit my lower lip, trying to contain my feelings. The gown looked lovely and I couldn’t believe that I was the one wearing it.

Umalis sandali iyong babae dahil may kukuhanin siya. Naiwan ako habang nakatingin lang sa itsura ko sa harap ng salamin. I was practically gawking at myself when I realized that I was surrounded.

“Please, I don’t want any trouble,” sabi ko nang mapalibutan na nila ako.

“Please, I don’t want any trouble,” some girl mimicked me. She and her cronies laughed. “I was supposed to wear that,” sabi niya sabay turo sa suot kong gown. “But no, you just had to go and take what’s mine.”

She pushed me by my shoulder and I almost fell against the mirror. Agad na bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. I knew Mom would flip again kapag may nangyari na naman sa akin, but I was more worried about the dress. It was my first time na pinagkatiwala sa akin ’to. I didn’t want to mess this up!

“Please,” I pleaded again. God, what’s with these ladies? Palagi na lang ba akong mapapaaway dahil sa kanila?

“Baka mapagalitan tayo kapag nasira ’yung damit,” bulong ng isa.

“Then let’s tell them that this princess is at fault,” sabi nung babae. “Get me a pair of scissors.”

Agad na nanlaki ang mga mata ko.

“N-no,” I said, my heart racing wildly inside my chest. Gusto kong umalis pero hindi makagalaw iyong mga paa ko.

“You wanna be in this world?” she said and then raised the scissors against my cheek. “Deal with this,” sabi niya sabay gugupitin na sana iyong damit ko nang bigla akong sumigaw.

“Jasper!” I shouted like I had never shouted in my life. I was shaking and the fear was making my knees tremble in fear. Nagulat iyong mga babae dahil sa biglaan kong pagsigaw.

“Shut up, you bi—”

Pero hindi natuloy iyong sasabihin niya nang biglang matumba iyong pintuan. Jasper was there, looking alarmed. At nang makita niya ako, mabilis niyang hinawi iyong mga babae. He pulled me and protectively put me behind him.

“Are you okay?” he asked me while his arm was holding me.

I nodded, still shaking a bit. Akala ko talaga sisirain nila iyong damit ko. Jasper put his arm at the small of my back and then led me outside. Sobrang bilis pa rin ng tibok ng puso ko.

Nang makarating kami sa labas, kinuha niya ako ng upuan at saka pinaupo roon.

“Water?” he asked.

I shook my head. “No… but thank you,” sabi ko sa kanya.

He just nodded. “Do you want to go home?” tanong niya.

“I still have to work,” sagot ko. I was still shaking a bit, but I couldn’t go home. This was my first job and I didn’t want to have a bad reputation.

Tahimik lang si Jasper na nakatayo sa gilid ko habang kinakalma ko ang sarili ko. It was the first time that I appreciated his complete silence and his disinterest in my personal business. I was glad that he was there to help me, but I was gladder that he didn’t make an even bigger deal about the incident.

Nang maging maayos na ako, tumayo na ako. Jasper was tailing me and I just let him. Maybe Mom was right; I really needed someone who’d look after me.

“Maggie,” Rafa said. He was rushing to me. “Are you alright?”

“H-ha? Of course,” I quickly admonished.

“You sure? I heard those girls talking about what they did to you. Do you want me to talk to the—”

I cut him off. “No. I’m fine,” mabilis kong sagot. Tinignan niya lang ako. “I can handle myself,” I replied and I felt like Jasper twitched in his place. I knew Jasper’s not the smiley type of person, but if he was, he’d be rolling on the floor now. Handle myself? Yeah, right. I almost pissed in my knickers nang tapatan ako ng scissors.

“Okay,” Rafa replied. “Those girls can be vicious. This won’t be the last time,” he warned.

I smiled. “I know.”

But I really wanted this. I wanted to prove to myself that I could be someone without the help of my family.

---

Nang matapos ang rehearsals, Rafa was still asking me if I was up for some drinks.

“What about tomorrow?” he asked.

“Not sure.”

I was walking and he was walking by my side. He’s pretty persistent, this one.

“You can’t blow me off forever, Maggie,” Rafa said, grinning mischievously. I just smiled at him and then looked for Jasper. Nakita ko si Jasper na nakatayo sa isang sulok habang naka-tingin sa akin. Kulang na lang talaga coat and tie and he’d surely look like a character in men-in-black.

Pag-uwi namin sa bahay, agad akong dumiretso sa kwarto para magpahinga. I was dead tired.

“Maggie?” Mom called for my name. “Cohen said you wanted to talk to me?”

I groaned. Cohen, that kid. Sinabi niya talaga?

“What is it about?” Mom asked.

I sat down and looked at her. “Nothing…” I said. I initially wanted to talk to her about Jasper’s existence in my life. Akala ko kasi hindi naman importante… but today proved that I still needed someone to look over me. Siguro sa future, kaya ko na mag-isa. But Jasper’s existence was very much needed right now.

I was also expecting him to rattle me out since hindi naman ako ang employer niya, but so far, I heard nothing from Mom.

“Where does Jasper sleep?” I asked Mom. I wanted to thank him for saving me today. Who knows what would’ve happened if he didn’t break that damned door?

Mom eyed me. “Siobhan Margarette…”

“What? I’m just asking!” I defensively said. Jasper’s not my type! He’s too dull! And uptight!

“You better not do any monkey business, young lady. Jasper’s not someone you should play with,” she warned.

“Mom, I’m not a playgirl.”

“That’s not what your brother told me.”

“Oh, please. Don’t ever believe what Psalm says,” I dismissively said. I was really beginning to believe that whenever Psalm brings Steele home and introduce him as his boyfriend, he’s really telling the truth. I mean, Psalm’s a guy, but he loves telling Mom lies about me!

Tumayo na ako at saka naglalakad nang tawagin ako ni Mom.

“Not Jasper, Maggie,” she reminded. I just groaned. Jasper doesn’t like me—he made that abundantly clear. And it’s not like I like him, too.

Paglabas ko, inaasahan ko na nasa labas ng pinto si Jasper because he had some stalker tendencies, pero wala naman siya. I looked for him all over the house, pero wala naman siya. And when I finally asked Manang, she said that Jasper’s staying at the guesthouse.

I went there and I knocked on the door, but no one’s answering. Sumilip ako sa bintana at nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang makita ko si Jasper na walang suot na damit. I always knew that he was a military guy, but I never imagined that he’d be this fit! God, those muscles. At nakatagilid pa siya nito! I wonder what I’d see kung nakaharap siya…

My eyes were still feasting on his muscles nang tumalikod siya.

And then I saw a huge bruise on the back of his shoulder. Oh, Jasper.

Chapter 3

#COMM

Chapter 3

For today’s rehearsal, we were asked to bring some things. I began dragging my stuff from my room when I stumbled upon Psalm. Great. Umaga pa lang, may mang-iinis na sa akin.

“You know there’s your bodyguard to do this thing for you, right?” he asked while looking at me. He didn’t even offer to help me. And he’s wondering why I was nice to others except for him.

“I’m not a brat like you,” I shot back at him and then continued dragging my bag. I should really start hitting the gym again! Ganito lang e napapagod na ako!

Psalm laughed hysterically. “Mags, I wasn’t the one who begged our dad to buy you a yacht for your 18th.”

I glared at him. “I clearly remember you using my yacht to bring some of your girls… or guys? I’m not really sure which way you sway,” I said and then patted his shoulder.

Nilagpasan ko siya at saka ko nakasalubong si Jasper.

‘Eyes on his face, Siobhan!’ I chastised myself. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang pumasok sa isip ko para silipan siya kagabi! I felt so horrible that the first thing I did when I wake up was to go to the confessional. If my mother knew, she’d blind my eyes, for sure.

Lumapit si Jasper para kuhanin iyong gamit, pero mabilis kong kinuha iyon. Mabilis din na kumunot ang noo niya.

“It’s fine,” I told him. Akmang kukunin niya na naman. Pinigilan ko ulit siya. “Really, I can manage,” ulit ko pa. I still felt guilty for the bruise on his shoulder… Kasalanan ko naman kasi kung bakit siya nasaktan. Actually, it was the girls fault, but I was the one who called Jasper.

Bakit ba ako nakokonsensya? It’s his job to protect me. And it’s not as if getting hurt’s new for him. He’s a soldier… I think? Hindi pa ako sigurado talaga kung saan galing si Jasper. Ayaw ibigay ni Mama iyong personal file niya. And it’s not exactly like Jasper’s the chatty type.

Jasper took a step forward and got the bag from my hand. I pulled away. Kumunot ang noo niya.

“Kaya ko na nga,” ulit ko.

“What’s your problem?” he asked.

“Bakit ka English speaking?” I asked back. I was so curious! Lahat ba ng sundalo English speaking? And the way words rolled of his tongue, it’s like he was born speaking the language.

And when I saw him yesterday, his body looked hard, but his skin looked soft.

Oh, my God, kailangan ko na namang mangumpisal!

“You have a problem with how I speak, Ma’am?” he asked, still holding the bag.

I sighed. “Nothing,” I replied and then gave in. Kinuha niya iyong bag mula sa kamay ko at saka naglakad. How could he even walk normally sa laki ng pasa na nasa balikat niya? It already looked horrible last night… Siguro color purple na ’to ngayon.

Biting my lower lip, I thought of a way to help him without him knowing that I took an innocent peep at his window last night. It’s not as if I went there with the intention of seeing him naked!

I swear, hindi ko na maalala iyong nakita ko kagabi!

“Can we stop by a pharmacy?” I asked while he was sitting beside me. Hindi talaga siya pumayag na magdrive. I was beginning to think that he’d ask me to raise his salary kung pipilitin ko siyang magdrive, this bratty bodyguard.

Tumango lang si Jasper habang parang puno na nakaupo sa tabi ko. Pagdating namin sa pharmacy, pumasok agad ako—syempre nakasunod siya sa akin. He’s like my shadow.

“What’s the medicine for body ache?” I whispered. Sumagot iyong babae at saka mabilis na bumili ako ng gamot at saka two bottled of water.

“I need to pee,” I told Jasper. He eyed me na parang nabigla siya na sinabi ko na kailangan kong magweewee. “What? I need to pee!”

He didn’t question me at saka mabilis na humanap ng CR. He asked me to walk beside him.

“You know I won’t get shot here, right?” I asked. There were plenty of people around us. At isa pa, hindi naman ako directly related sa president. He’s the husband of my abuela, so he’s more like my abuelo consuegro. My mom’s just being totally paranoid.

“Can you just please let me do my job… Ma’am?” he asked, obviously starting to get annoyed at me. Well, at least naiinis na siya! May feelings siya! He’s not a tin man like I initially predicted!

Pagpasok ko sa CR, I immediately forced myself to stop inhaling. I originally planned to dissolve the medicine in the water and force Jasper to drink it, but I couldn’t seriously stand the smell! Mabilis akong lumakad palabas.

“I’m hungry,” I told Jasper.

He looked at his watch. “You need to be at—”

“For the love of God, let me eat!” sigaw ko sa kanya kaya nagulat siya. Mabilis siyang naghanap ng pwedeng kainan sa gasoline station. Nang makahanap, I forced him to fall in line.

“No one will kill me here,” I said, almost rolling my eyes. Jasper sat in front of me and then called someone. Maya-maya, may dumating na lalaki. “Who are you?” tanong ko.

“Montenegro,” he introduced himself.

“And you are?”

“At your service, Ma’am,” he said with a small smile.

Napatingin ako kay Jasper na wala na pala sa tabi ko at nakapila na. Worried na mababaril ako tapos biglang iiwan ako sa hindi ko kakilala?!

“What? I’ve only seen you now!” I told the guy. He smiled at me—okay, he’s creepy. Why wasn’t he dull like Jasper?

“Distant guard, Ma’am,” he said. Napaawang iyong labi ko. I didn’t know that my parents were paranoid enough to get me both a bodyguard and distant guards! Sino ba sa tingin nila ako para ganito karami ang kunin nila para alagaan ako?

I was internally preparing a speech pag-uwi ko sa bahay nang maalala ko ang dahilan kung bakit nandito kami. I quickly whipped the medicine and water out at saka dinikdik iyong medicine. Nilagay ko iyon sa tubig at saka inalog.

“What?” I asked Evan when I caught him staring at me. He was about to say something nang bumalik na si Jasper. He was carrying a tray of food. “Did you get food for yourself?” I asked him nang mapansin ko na pagkain ko lang iyong dala niya.

Jasper just shook his head. This dull, dull guy. I’d seriously get a heart attack kapag nakita ko siyang ngumiti.

I pretended to eat food and then drank my bottled water. While I was in the middle of eating, I slid the other bottle towards Jasper.

“Sa ’yo na lang,” I told him while casually eating. He nodded, but didn’t even touch the bottled water. God! Ano ba ang kailangan kong gawin para inumin niya ’yun?!

I was almost finished with my sandwich pero wala pa ring balak si Jasper na galawin iyong tubig. Was it better if I just tied him down and force the capsule down his throat?

“Can you get my bag sa car?” I asked Jasper. He nodded and obliged.

“Are you trying to drug him?” Evan asked. Seriously?! Bakit English speaking ang mga guards ko?!

“What? Of course not!” I defended myself. I don’t even smoke!

“Then… why?” he asked. Obviously, Evan’s the chatty type.

I looked at him and knew I could talk to him. I was pretty sure that my parents made them sign a confidentiality agreement.

“Well, yesterday, Jasper kinda broke down a door for me. Then last night, I saw him—accidentally—topless,” I told him. I knew I’d never get over the humiliation if Evan knew that I saw everything. “And saw a huge bruise on his back…”

Evan was just nodding. “It’s nothing. He’s fine, I’m sure.”

I sighed. “I know… but I still feel guilty.”

“We’re hired to protect you,” Evan said. “We’d literally take a bullet for you.”

But I didn’t want anyone to die for me! I didn’t feel like I was worth dying for. Kaya nga hindi ako sang-ayon sa idea na magkaroon ng guard, e. I mean, I get it with my brothers. There were some cases wherein girls who admired them became pretty obsessed. A few of my brothers’ cars have been keyed dahil lang hindi nila pinapansin iyong mga babae. I mean, if you have a crush on my brothers, you have to know that they’re obsessed with basketball. That’s like a given.

“Can you please help me get him to drink this?” I asked Evan and he nodded. “Thank you!”

“For head’s up, Jasper doesn’t drink or eat while he’s in duty,” Evan said.

“You mean whenever he’s following me?” Evan nodded. “That’s crazy! Jasper follows me all day!” I said. I wanted to ask Evan, but I felt like he wouldn’t tell me more details. It was frustrating. All the confidentiality with these soldiers.

---

Hanggang sa makarating kami sa venue, iyong isip ko ay na kay Jasper pa rin. Was I really this thoughtless na hindi ko napansin na hindi kumakain si Jasper tuwing binabantayan niya ako?

When the first set ended, I saw Rafa approaching, but I was in no mood to deflect his advances. Mabilis kong hinanap si Jasper. I saw him standing at the corner, watching me like a hawk.

“I have thirty minutes break,” I told him. He nodded. God, he’s dull! “Let’s eat.”

Habang naghahanap kami ng makakainan, I asked him. “When are you not on duty?”

“When I’m asleep.”

“Seryosong sagot kasi,” I said.

“Don’t I sound serious?”

Oh, my God, he’s so annoying!

Pagdating namin sa resto, I ordered food good for two people, but Jasper wouldn’t touch the food like it’s a disease!

“Eat,” I told him.

“Later,” he replied.

“Please?” I said in my cutest voice.

“No,” he replied almost instantly.

I stuffed all the food in my mouth while glaring at him. “Just eat the damned food!” I seethed. Bakit ba hindi siya kumakain?! It felt like I was starving him!

Jasper just creased his forehead and shook his head. “Later,” he replied again.

“Bakit ba kasi ayaw mong kumain? Safe naman ’yung food!”

“Why are you so stubborn?” he asked.

My jaw fell. Ako? Ako pa talaga iyong stubborn sa aming dalawa?!

“I just want you to eat!” I told him.

“Later,” he replied again. I swear, isang later pa, susuntukin ko na siya!

“Then just drink this water!” I told him and then gave him the water that I had been holding like it’s my first-born.

“Later,” he replied.

I fisted my hand and then tried to punch his stupid, dull face… but he’s quick to evade my punch. He stopped my knuckle using his palm and then gently twisted my arm. Bigla akong napa-lapit sa kanya. Hawak-hawak niya iyong kamay ko habang halos magkadikit na iyong mga mukha namin.

“Brat,” he whispered against my face.

Chapter 4

#COMM

Chapter 4

“What’s with Jasper?” I asked Mom while we were eating breakfast. It’s one of the very few times when Jasper’s out of my sight. When he’s on official duty, he’s always around. Come to think of it, I think I never saw him going to the comfort room!

He’s seriously getting weirder and weirder!

“What do you mean?” Mom asked.

“I mean, what’s with him? Why’d you choose him as my bodyguard?” I asked. I really didn’t want to ask Mom anything because I was perfectly aware about how nosy she could get, but it’s not like I had a choice! Jasper wouldn’t say a word—and even Evan’s mum about anything Jasper related. Evan’s one talkative guy, but he wouldn’t tell me anything about Jasper!

Maybe he’s convinced that I was trying to drug Jasper…

“Why not? He’s perfect for the job,” Mom replied.

“Is he a marine… or navy?” I pried.

Mom eyed me. “Siobhan, what did I say about Jasper?”

“What? I’m just curious!” I defended myself. Why was she always assuming that I was going to jump Jasper’s bones? That guy’s silent as the lamb! Might as well talk to the wall!

“You better be sure, young lady. It’s hard to find someone as qualified as him,” she replied before giving me a look that told me that I should really not think about doing anything.

My mom really didn’t know me.

She just made me want to do a lot of things.

Right after breakfast, I saw Jasper again.

“Morning,” I greeted. He just nodded. Dull boy. “I just received a text. I need to be at Batangas for three days,” I informed him. “Pack your clothes.”

Tumango siya. I already packed—I mean, I was always packed. I grew up traveling, so I just always had a bag prepared for whenever.

Habang naghihintay, I sat and quietly waited for Jasper. Nakita ko si Evan sa labas, may kasama siyang dalawang lalaki. God, bakit hindi ko agad napansin na maraming strange guys sa bahay namin? Or baka naman nasanay na lang talaga ako na strange guys ang mga kapatid ko kaya hindi ko na talaga napapansin iyong ibang mga tao?

I figured that Jasper would probably need a few minutes to decide kung ano ang dadalhin niya kaya naman lumabas muna ako. Evan was talking to the two guys when I decided to greet them.

“Hi!” I greeted.

Evan and the two guys stood up straight and faced me. I was seriously surrounded by dull guys. Hot—but very dull.

“I just got a call from my manager. I’ll be staying at Batangas for three days… so… I think you should pack your bags, too?” sabi ko sa kanila.

“Already finished, Ma’am,” Evan replied.

“Talaga?”

He nodded. “Jasper already notified us.”

“When?”

“A few minutes ago.”

“Paano niya nalaman?”

“Your manager told him.”

“What? He has contact with my manager?”

Tumango lang si Evan. Jasper’s starting to be really creepy! May mga bagay na alam lang talaga siya!

“Anyway, did you give him the medicine last night?” tanong ko kay Evan. Jasper was a real hard nut to crack! Talagang hindi siya uminom hanggang sa makabalik kami sa bahay.

Evan nodded. “Gave it last night.”

Tumango ako. “Why are you English speaking?” I asked him. I was just really curious! It’s not everyday that you’d meet an English speaking bodyguard!

Evan just shrugged. He’s just as good as Jasper at deflecting questions. Maybe I should start befriending the other guys… they looked easier to manipulate.

Nang makabalik na si Jasper, dumating na rin iyong driver. We rode in the car. Jasper sat beside me when my phone began to vibrate.

Rafael Gozon: good morning! :)

I arched a brow. I really find it weird when guys use emoticons…

Siobhan Margarette Gomez de Liaño: good morning

Reaching for my neck pillow, tumingin muna ako kay Jasper. He looked okay naman na. Maybe the medicine worked for him… pero kahit na kasi. The bruise on his back looked really painful. If he wasn’t very stubborn, I’d really drag him to the hospital to have his back checked.

“You want a neck pillow?” I asked him. Umiling siya. “We’re going to be traveling for at least two hours,” I informed him.

“I know,” he replied.

“Why are you so dull?”

“I don’t see how it’s your business, Ma’am.”

I glared at him. Ang attitude talaga!

“I mean, we’re going to be together—”

“I’m here to protect you, not to be friends with you, Ma’am.”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. It felt like he just dumped me! “Who told you that I want to be friends with you?!”

Jasper shrugged. I wanted to strangle him!

“You’re asking personal questions, Ma’am,” he replied.

Napaawang ang labi ko. I just asked him if he wanted a neck pillow, asked him if he wanted water, asked him if he was hungry! That’s called being human!

“You’re so annoying,” I told him.

“As long as I can protect you, Ma’am,” he just replied.

Bago ko pa man mabuksan iyong pinto ay masipa siya palabas habang umaandar ang sasakyan, I reached for my headphones and turned the music into full blast. I was just gonna pretend that I was alone in this ride.

Rafael Gozon: going to Batangas, too? :)

Siobhan Margarette Gomez de Liaño: yeah how did you know?

Rafael Gozon: recommended you to be my partner for this campaign :)

Napaawang ang labi ko. This was a huge campaign!

Siobhan Margarette Gomez de Liaño: why?

Rafael Gozon: because you deserve it. I know you’ll be the perfect model

I bit my lower lip. Hindi ko napigilan na mapa-ngiti. Napa-lingon sa akin si Jasper kaya mabilis ko siya na inirapan.

I continued chatting with Rafa hanggang sa makarating kami sa Batangas.

“Stay here for a five minutes,” Jasper said.

“Ha?”

“We’ll just check the perimeters.”

I rolled my eyes. “We’re in a beach, Jasper. You’re so paranoid.”

“Your parents hired me to be paranoid, Ma’am,” he sarcastically said. Lumabas siya pero bago pa man siya makalayo, nakita ko na papalapit si Rafa sa sasakyan. I rolled the windows down.

“Good morning, Maggie,” Rafa greeted.

I smiled. “Morning, Rafa,” sabi ko. Nakaharang si Jasper sa pagitan namin.

“Makeup’s waiting for you,” Rafa informed.

“Be there in five,” I told him. Hindi ko masabi na paranoid lang talaga ang buong pamilya ko kaya may bodyguards pang nalalaman. It made me feel sad for my cousins in the de Marco side of the clan. They’re receiving the full-paranoid security measures.

I looked at Jasper. “Go,” I said, shooing him. “I can talk to my friend naman siguro, noh?” I sarcastically asked him. Tinignan ni Jasper si Rafa bago ibinalik ang tingin sa akin. I just glared at him. Akala niya siya lang ang may attitude?

“Be back in five,” he informed me before giving Rafa a death glare.

Rafa stood by the car. He leaned his arms by the open windows. “Your family’s really worried about you, huh?” he commented.

“Yeah…” I just replied, kinda embarrassed. “Hey, thanks again for recommending me.”

Rafa smiled. “No problem. You did all the work, I just put in the words.”

Rafa and I continued to talk. He gave me tips on how I’d do the campaign. He’s much more experienced that me and I was thankful for all the help. I just really wanted to succeed in this field.

Nang makabalik si Jasper kasama si Evan, bumaba na ako. Sabay kaming naglakad ni Rafa habang naka-sunod sa amin si Jasper.

I did makeup first before I was given the clothes I needed to wear. Huminga ako nang malalim habang naka-tingin sa salamin.

Positive.

My parents would kill me.

And my brothers would burn the magazine.

Paglabas ko ng tent, si Jasper agad ang nakita ko. He didn’t even look at my body! He was just looking at my face! Minsan, nakaka-offend din siya.

“Don’t tell my mom!” sabi ko habang yakap iyong sarili ko. I immediately accepted this job kahit na alam ko na swimwear iyong imomodel ko. This was a huge opportunity. And it’s not like I’d be naked naman… I was sure that I’d be done tastefully.

“I swear, I’ll kick you—”

Jasper looked me in the eye. “I’m only interested in your safety and nothing more, Ma’am,” sabi niya at saka binalik ang tingin sa paligid.

“Are you gay?” tanong ko sa kanya. I was practically naked, pero ni hindi man lang siya tumingin sa akin!

“You’re just not my type, Ma’am,” he replied. I heard Evan and the guys chuckling. God, I wanted to kick Jasper in the nuts to prevent him from bringing evil offspring in this world!

Dumiretso akong naglakad hanggang sa makarating ako sa shore. Rafa was already waiting for me. Hindi pa man ako nakakalapit, I already saw him checking me out.

Why couldn’t Jasper be a normal guy and check me out, too?!

And why was I so desperate for him to check me out?!

“Wow,” Rafa said. “You’re really… wow.”

I smiled. He was wearing board shorts and his abs were glistening.

“Thanks,” I replied.

Nagsimula na ang shooting at ginawa ko lahat ng pinapagawa sa akin ng photographer. In the middle of the shoot, I saw Jasper taking pictures of me.

I smirked. “Kunwari pa,” I whispered while I was drying myself. Jasper was standing a few meters from me. “You’re still a guy, Jasper, no matter how dull you are.”

---

When lunch came, kumain na kami. I was already done with all the swimsuit shots, so I was free to eat lightly. Dinala iyong pagkain ko sa tent ko. Kellan and Nico, my other bodyguards, were outside watching the stupid perimeter. Nasa loob ng tent si Evan at Jasper.

“Are you seriously not going to eat?” tanong ko kay Jasper. Umiling siya. “Three days tayo dito. Don’t tell me na hindi ka kakain?”

Evan was eating like a happy and normal boy. Why couldn’t Jasper be like him? “He’ll eat later, Ma’am,” Evan interrupted.

“Are you like his spokesperson?” I mocked.

Evan laughed. “Jasper just takes his job seriously. Don’t worry about him, he’s a big boy.”

Sinubukan ko na magpatuloy kumain ng salad ko pero hindi talaga ako mapalagay na hindi kumakain si Jasper. After 10 minutes, nagpalit ng pwesto sina Jasper at Evan kaya si Kellan at Nico naman ang nasa loob.

“Bakit hindi kumakain si Jasper?” agad na tanong ko sa kanila. Mukhang nagulat si Nico. I eyed him. Mukhang siya ang madaling kuhanan ng information.

“Mamaya pa po siya kakain, Ma’am,” Nico replied. Oh, my God! May Tagalog speaking guard na ako!

“Why won’t he eat with us?”

Nico looked at Kellan. It seemed like they had something to share.

“Confidential po, Ma’am, pasensya na po,” magalang na sabi ni Nico. The heck with these soldiers! Masyadong mahirap kausap!

Hanggang sa matapos na ako sa pagkain, hindi talaga natinag si Jasper. I continued with the shoot. Bandang ala-sais na kami natapos.

Jasper Alexander Ybañez

I ate my carrot sticks while searching for anything related to Jasper. He’s just too much of a mystery for me and I love mystery! But it felt like I was searching for nothing dahil wala talaga akong makita.

“Can you do me a favor?” I asked Addie.

“Sure, I’m bored, why not?” she replied. I really love this girl! She’s up for anything!

“Can you do a quick search about Jasper Alexander Ybañez? I tried searching, but I got nothing,” I told her. I heard tapping of the keyboard and I knew that Addie’s onto it already. She’s got access to some sites I didn’t want to get myself involved in. She’s a de Marco and that alone made her pretty scary for me.

“Oh, interesting,” she said. “Looks like this Jasper guy got into a huge incident.”

“Send me the link!”

“It’s a read only file. I’ll take a pic, but the words are too small,” she said. “But to summarize, he was in charge with a high-profile job and then somehow got drugged… and a girl was killed.”

Agad na napaawang ang labi ko.

“But this file’s concealed, so I think that this Jasper guy has some strings to pull. This never went public,” Addie said.

Addie continued to brief me about the report, but the only thing I could think was why Jasper was not eating nor drinking anything. I didn’t know what to feel…

Was he beating himself up for something that was an accident?

It’s not like he wanted that to happen.

Lumabas ako para hanapin si Jasper. I saw Kellan and Evan standing outside my door.

“Where are you going?” Evan asked.

“Jasper,” I replied.

“Ma’am—”

“I know about the accident,” sabi ko kaya nabigla sila. That was really a big deal, huh? “Look, I’ll stay with Jasper so you three can watch us as he eat,” sabi ko sa kanila.

“Ma’am—”

“Evan, I know you’re paid to protect me and all that stuff, but how will you protect me on an empty stomach?” I reasoned. “And for my own peace of mind, just let me freaking feed Jasper,” I said before storming off.

Good thing there were stalls in the beach, so I was able to buy food. Naka-sunod lang sa akin si Evan at Kellan habang namimili ako.

“Do you guys want anything? It’s on me,” sabi ko sa kanila pero umiling lang sila. “You’re both no fun,” I said and frowned. If my brothers and cousins were here, they’d surely buy everything para marami akong bayaran.

“What is Jasper’s favorite food?” I asked kasi baka meron naman dito. They both shrugged. “Hindi niyo alam? I thought you’re friends?”

“We’re not girls, Ma’am, we don’t ask each other about our favorites,” Evan answered, to which Kellan chuckled. Tahimik lang ’tong si Kellan pero ang saya niya tumawa kapag binabara ako ni Jasper at Evan.

When I finished buying, bumalik na kami sa hotel. I went to Jasper’s room and I saw him icing his back. Agad siyang napatayo nang bumukas iyong pinto. I saw him reaching for his gun. Ang paranoid!

“Hi!” I greeted with a smile. “I brought you food!”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Later.”

I bit my lower lip so hard para lang pigilan iyong sarili ko na sakalin siya dahil sa salitang later na ’yan!

Umupo ako at saka binuksan iyong dala ko. Nakatayo si Evan, Kella, at Nico.

“Eat,” I told him.

“Later,” he replied.

“Eat,” I said, glaring.

“Late—”

I grabbed his face, pinched his cheeks, and pushed the spoonful of rice into his mouth. “Eat, you starving brat!”

Chapter 5

#COMM

Chapter 5

Jasper’s eyes were wide open. I was pretty stunned with myself, too! I didn’t know why I was hell-bent on feeding Jasper. Maybe because I just generally didn’t like seeing people not eat… I grew up joining my family in different feeding programs.

Maybe that’s the case with Jasper, too.

It’s not like he’s starving to death—not possible since he’s a muscled guy. But maybe it just really felt unsettling seeing him starve himself just so he could properly protect me. I didn’t need protecting. I was working as a model, for heaven’s sake! The closest thing to danger were those girls trying to ruin my just beginning career.

“You will eat by yourself or do you want me to spoon feed you?” tanong ko sa kanya.

Jasper quickly grabbed the spoon from my hand. It was like he was holding himself back from saying something. This poor boy. I was pretty sure that he’s got a sack of restricted thoughts and feelings.

It’s like he’s always stopping himself from doing what he actually wanted, and doing what he thought was the proper thing to do.

Tinignan niya iyong tatlo. “Take her back to her room,” he ordered Kellan and Nico and those two scrambled like babies. So, takot pala silang dalawa kay Jasper…

Jasper must be the leader among the four of them.

“Tss. Nag-alala lang naman…” I said pero umalis na rin ako. Habang patalikod ako, napansin ko na medyo yellow-ish color na iyong bruise niya sa likod. It meant it’s healing, I think. Effective kaya ’yung pinilit ko kay Evan na ipainom kay Jasper?

While Nico and Kellan were escorting me back to my room, I asked them. Wala naman kasi si Evan, e. Mukhang mas madaling kausap kapag silang dalawa lang.

“Is he really always that uptight?” I asked Nico.

“Hindi naman po, Ma’am,” sagot niya.

“Really? Kahit sa food lang ayaw niyang kumain…” medyo malungkot na sabi ko. Tanggap ko naman kapag binabara ako ni Jasper, pero sana naman kumain siya. It’s just giving me unsettling feeling.

“Gusto lang po niya talaga na magawa ’yung trabaho niya nang maayos,” paliwanag ni Nico.

“It’s not like I’m in danger naman. Peaceful naman dito sa beach. Ang paranoid niya lang, noh?” I asked them, looking for validation but all I got was smile from them.

Seriously, hindi ko na alam paano ko kakausapin ’tong mga sundalo na ’to. Their loyalty lies with each other. Kahit ano’ng tanong ang gawin ko, wala talaga akong makuhang sagot…

I sighed. “Good night,” I told them before I got inside the room. Pagpasok ko, I immediately took a quick shower and then prepared for sleep. Nahiga muna ako sa kama since hindi pa naman ako inaantok. I fiddled with my phone for a while before I received a text from Rafa.

Rafa: hey

Me: hey

Rafa: you tired yet?

Me: not really

Rafa: wanna go on a night stroll with me? :)

I got up from the bed and then opened the door. And I was right—Jasper was there.

“Rafa’s asking me if I want to go on a night stroll,” I told him. Mukhang bagong ligo si Jasper dahil medyo basa pa iyong buhok niya. He also smelled like aftershave—pero syempre hindi ko masyadong pinahalata na ang bango niya. He already humiliated me enough to last a week. Baka pinagchichismisan na nila ako nila Evan kapag wala ako. Ganon kaya ang mga lalaki. Sila Psalm kasi kung sinu-sino ang pinag-uusapan. Ang chismoso ng mga lalaki.

“Do you want to?” he asked.

“Do you want to?” I asked back.

Jasper shrugged. Nakaka-tamad talaga siyang kausap! Para bang pinaparamdam niya sa akin na sobrang boring ko. Wala ba talaga akong sense kausap or sobrang stupid lang talaga ng tingin niya sa akin kaya siya ganyan makipag-usap?

Habang naglalakad kami palabas, my phone vibrated. Nakita ko na nagnotify iyong What’s app group namin ng GDL-de Marco cousins.

Psalm: attached a photo

Psalm: lol mom’s already waiting for you, big sis

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. That was my picture from earlier!

“You snitched on me?!” sabi ko habang naka-turo kay Jasper. I knew this picture! Ito kasi iyong sakto na naka-tingin ako kay Jasper dahil akala ko—

Tahimik lang si Jasper na akala mo hindi niya ako sinumbong sa parents ko. God!

“They asked for a picture,” he simply replied.

“You could’ve chosen something more appropriate!” I hissed. Sunud-sunod na iyong notification dahil sumali na sa usapan iyong ibang mga pinsan namin. Lahat sila ay excited na na umuwi ako sa bahay dahil alam nila na lagot ako kila Mama.

“You’re dressed just fine, Ma’am,” he said.

“Jasper, you sent a photo of me wearing a red string bikini to my parents!” sabi ko at saka hinilot iyong sentido ko. Hinarap ko sa kanya iyong phone. “Look!”

Jasper stared at the phone na parang wala lang sa kanya.

“I don’t see the problem,” he said.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. “Are you for real?”

“You’re in a beach, you’re wearing a bikini,” he stated.

“But you sent it to my parents!”

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ba nageexpect ako ng kahit kaunting loyalty kay Jasper kahit na alam ko na sa parents ko naman talaga siya loyal. I mean, maybe I expected more? He bruised his back for me! I thought that meant something…

“Do you really want to get me in trouble?” seryosong tanong ko sa kanya. Tinignan ko siya nang mabuti sa mga mata niya. He’s just a few inches taller than me, so I could clearly stare at his black orbs.

“No,” he replied.

“Do you hate me?”

“No,” he replied.

“Then why are you being like this? You’re always trying to piss me off. You’re snitching on me. You refuse anything I give you.”

Jasper looked at me. Hindi ko alam kung bakit naiiyak ako sa mga sinabi ko. Hindi ako sanay na may ganito sa akin. Hindi ako sanay na may taong sobrang parang ayaw sa akin. Tanggap ko ’yung sa ibang model dahil hindi naman nila ako nakakasama. They didn’t know me enough for their judgment to matter… but Jasper? Ilang linggo na kaming magkakilala.

Maybe I just expected better from him.

“Why are you crying?”

“Because you’re annoying me,” sabi ko habang sinusubukan na punasan iyong luha ko. Nakakainis kasi tuluy-tuloy iyong pagbagsak ng luha ko. Wala man lang siyang ginagawa para patahanin ako! I was starting to believe that he’s a product of some government research! Wala siyang feelings!

He’s not just a dull boy, he’s now a dull robot!

“I don’t have a handkerchief,” sabi niya.

“Sana hindi mo ako pinaiyak. Wala ka naman palang panyo!” I shouted at him. He’s still calmed kahit ano’ng sigaw ang gawin ko!

I tried to walk away from him, but I sensed that he was still following me. Naglakad ako nang naglakad sa shore habang naka-sunod si Jasper sa akin.

“Quit following me!”

I got silence as a response. What’s new?

“Hindi na talaga kita pipilitin na kumain. Kapag nagcollapse ka sa harap ko, dadaanan lang kita,” I told him while I was trying to fasten my pace.

Ilang minuto na akong naglalakad hanggang sa mapagod ako. I sat by the sand and hugged my knees.

“Hindi ko pa nakikita si Rafa, pagod na akong maglakad,” sabi ko. Hindi ko naman dala iyong phone ko… Nagpromise pa naman ako kay Rafa na pupunta ako. I just felt grateful because I got this project because of his recommendation. Tapos hindi ko siya napuntahan dahil iniinis na naman ako ni Jasper.

Humiga ako sa buhangin at saka tumingin sa langit. There were many stars… sayang wala akong camera na dala. It was so picturesque.

“Jasper, do you have your phone?” I asked while staring at the stars. I just wanted to bother him and try if he’ll let me have my way this time. 

“Yeah,” he replied.

“Can I borrow? And can you just please say yes? Pagod na ako sa pagtanggi mo,” sabi ko sa kanya. I didn’t hear anything from him, but I felt his phone on my hand. I smiled to myself. Maayos din naman palang kausap kahit papaano.

I began to take pictures. The sky was so pretty. It would’ve been better if my family was here, too, kasi mahilig din si Dad na tumingin ng mga stars lalo na kapag may formation.

“Thanks,” I told Jasper. Nakaupo na ako. Gusto kong tumayo but my legs were asleep. “Can you carry me on your back?” tanong ko sa kanya.

I knew that Jasper would say no because he’s a dull boy. Ewan ko bakit pa ako nagtanong. I just wanted to annoy him like he was annoying me.

“No.”

“Tss,” sabi ko at saka tumayo. “D’yan ka na nga, hahanapin ko lang si Rafa,” sabi ko at saka nagpatuloy sa paglalakad. We were already reaching the end of the property when Jasper stopped me.

“We better go back,” he said.

“Ang paranoid mo. Beach ’to. Walang babaril sa akin,” I told him.

“Ma’am—”

I turned around with my arms stretched. “See? Walang babaril sa aki—” Pero hindi ko natuloy iyong sasabihin ko nang matumba ako dahil sa bilis ng pag-ikot ko. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Pabagsak na sana ako sa buhangin nang mahawakan ako ni Jasper. I didn’t fall, but I twisted my ankle so bad that I screamed so loud.

“Oh, my god!” sigaw ko nang maramdaman ko iyong sakit. I bit my lower lip so hard that I began to taste something metallic in my mouth.

Jasper quickly kneeled in front of me and inspected my ankle. I was standing and holding on both his shoulders.

Umangat ang tingin ni Jasper habang naka-luhod sa harap ko.

“And you keep on telling me you’re in no danger,” nang-iinis na sabi niya. “You’re a danger yourself, Ma’am.”

Kung kaya ko lang talagang lumuhod, kukuha ako ng buhangin at ibabato ko sa mata niya. He really liked pissing me off! Malapit na talaga niyang matalo si Psalm sa category na ’yun!

I glared at him. “I can’t walk. You have to carry me!” sabi ko sa kanya. My ankle was really hurting like the b-word! I really couldn’t walk—baka maiyak ako sa sakit.

My eyes almost popped out of their sockets when Jasper carried me bridal-style!

“What are you doing?! Carry me on your back!” gulat na gulat na sabi ko! His face was too close! Close enough that his chiseled jaw could slice me open!

He began walking like I weighted nothing. And I was tall! I mean, kahit payat ako, matangkad ako kaya alam ko na mabigat ako. I was all bones.

“I can’t protect you if you’re on my back,” he simply replied. Kahit naglalakad siya, ramdam ko na pinapakiramdaman niya pa rin iyong paligid.

“But this is so uncomfortable!”

Sobrang lapit niya sa akin talaga! Mas naaamoy ko na naman iyong aftershave niya! Bakit ba lumabas pa ako? I should have stayed inside and sleep!

“I don’t feel uncomfortable,” sabi niya.

“But I do feel uncomfortable!” I shouted at him.

Jasper looked at me. “Do I make you uncomfortable?” he asked.

At dahil wala akong hawak na buhangin, hindi ko alam kung bakit ko siya sinabunutan.

Chapter 6

#COMM

Chapter 6

When the three-day stint at Batangas ended, tahimik kaming umuwi pabalik sa Manila. Jasper was quietly sitting beside me habang patingin-tingin sa paligid—as if may mang-a-assasinate sa akin sa gitna ng SLEX. I didn’t think Evan and the other guys’ presence were helping dahil hindi naman nabawasan ang pagiging paranoid ni Jasper.

I just threw him the neck pillow. Hindi na ako nagsalita dahil pagod ako at wala ako sa mood na mabara niya.

I was preparing to sleep when I heard him mutter, “Thanks.”

At kinagat ko nang matindi iyong labi ko para walang lumabas sa bibig ko na kahit anong salita. ’Don’t destroy the moment, Siobhan! Minsan lang magthank you ‘yan! Sulitin mo na!’ I reminded myself. Buti nga hindi nagalit sa akin nung sinabunutan ko, e! Magaling pa naman ako sumabunot. Hindi kasi ako makalaban sa suntukan sa mga kapatid ko kaya iyong kulot na buhok na lang nila ang nilalabanan ko.

For the rest of the ride, I kept sleeping… kinda. When we reached Alabang, I was already awake, but I pretended to still be asleep. Ewan ko. Nahihiya kasi ako kay Jasper and it’s bugging me real bad.

When the car stopped, I knew we finally reached home. Narinig ko na bumukas iyong pinto ng sasakyan.

“She’s sleeping,” mahinang boses na sabi ni Jasper.

“Should we wake her up?” Evan asked.

Sandaling katahimikan.

“No. She’s tired,” Jasper replied. Nakakainis!

“Should… we leave her here?” Evan asked. “Aww! I was just kidding!” sabi niya. Pakiramdam ko binatukan siya ni Jasper. Akalain mo may ganitong side pala si Jasper? Puro kasi coldness at pang-iinis ang pinapakita niya sa akin, e…

Dapat kaya palagi na lang akong magpanggap na tulog?

“Kellan,” Jasper called. I didn’t know why… but I could feel his eyes on me.

“Yes, Sir?”

Wow… Sir pala si Jasper. I should really ask Addie to dig deep. I felt like there’s more to Jasper than what he’s showing.

“Carry Sparkplug to her room.” Tapos naramdaman ko na binubuhat ako ni Kellan. Bakit si Kellan?!

“You’re really keeping distance, huh?” I heard Evan tell Jasper.

“Shut up,” Jasper replied.

---

“Mags,” I heard Psalm’s voice. I felt him poking my sides.

“She’s sleeping,” Austin said.

“Nah. She’s faking sleep. She knows Mom’s waiting for her.”

Stupid Psalm! I couldn’t wait for him to get married and move out of the house! I should really start setting him up! Hindi naman ako makakaalis sa bahay na ’to, so I should just device a plan to get him out of the house.

I heard Cohen sigh. Baby boy. I knew he wanted to stop Psalm, but he’s still a baby, so he just let his stupid brothers to do what they want.

“Mom’s still going to talk to her. Let her rest for tonight,” I heard Saint say.

Psalm huffed. “Mary’s making you all soft and gooey.”

“Whatever,” Saint replied. “Let’s just play ball.”

Nang makalabas na sila, at saka lang ako nakapagdilat ng mga mata. I immediately shut the door locked and then called Addie.

“Busy?” I asked her.

“Nope, not really. Why?”

I bit my lower lip. Sobrang curious kasi ako roon sa sinabi niya na involved si Jasper sa incident. I had a strong inkling that that’s the reason why he wanted to starve himself whenever he’s guarding me.

“About Jasper…” I kinda whispered.

“Your bodyguard?”

“Yeah. Can you dig deeper? And I’ll swing by tomorrow,” I said since she mentioned that the documents were read-only files. And I didn’t want to compromise Addie by asking her to print confidential documents. I really didn’t want to be called by Abuelo for causing troubles. They scared me to death. Good thing I only see them on special occasions.

“Hmm… Okay. But why so curious?” she asked.

“Nothing.”

“Okay. But I think your parents will get rid of him the moment they realize that you’re taking such interest on this Jasper guy,” Addie reminded me.

“I’m not interested in him!” I quickly defended myself.

“Sure, babe, sure,” Addie said, laughing. “But I can tell you what I know. I kinda read on him since I was bored.”

Addie’s a genius like Maven, her twin. They’re literally geniuses. Addie scored 161 on her IQ test, while Maven got 163. In our clan, the de Marco side was far superior when it came to intelligence… but GDL were more well connected and I seriously think that my brothers looked better.

Or maybe because Maven, Aspen, and Santi were all super serious… hindi tuloy sila charming.

“It’s basically like this. Upon Jasper’s graduation from Military, everyone expected him to climb up fast because he’s the top of his class. And also because he’s the son of Admiral Ybañez of the Navy,” Addie explained. “During one of the world summit, Jasper was picked to guard the daughter of the PM of Canada. Not sure what happened, but the girl kinda moved here… And since she’s the daughter of the PM, Jasper was forced to be a guard, when he could be the captain of his own battalion.”

“She… moved here for Jasper?” hindi makapaniwala na sabi ko.

“Yeah. Met her once and she seemed a bit obsessive,” Addie commented. “Anyway, she was living here for a year when the incident happened.”

Napaawang ang labi ko. This was when Jasper got drugged… and the girl got killed.

“I think Jasper isn’t allowed to go back to the army. It was a huge mess. She’s the daughter of the prime minister.”

“But it wasn’t his fault…”

And he’s already beating himself up. Ni hindi siya kumakain o umiinom tuwing kasama ko siya…

“Yeah, but it’s the military, Mags. It’s a whole different world,” she explained. “If you’re real worried about him, try talking to Abuelo. He’s still the Commander-in-Chief,” she said and then laughed. She knew there’s no way I’d ask Abuelo for a favor! Over my dead body!

---

When morning came, I thought that I’d receive an earful from Mom. But the breakfast finished without me hearing anything from her. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nangyari, but I was relieved. I mean, after everything that I heard last night, I knew I was in no mood for another batch of bad news.

“Morning,” I greeted Jasper and the guys. “Jasper, can you get my bag from my room?” He nodded at me. Alam ko na sasabihin niya sa akin na hindi ko siya maid. “Please?” I said in my most adorable voice. Nakita ko na natawa si Kellan sa akin.

Jasper just nodded at nang makaalis na siya, agad kong hinarap iyong tatlong alaga ni Jasper.

“I have a quick question,” I told them. “Kumain na ba si Jasper?”

He’s living in the guest house kaya wala akong alam kung kumain na ba siya. Ayoko naman na pumunta ulit ’dun! Baka kung ano na naman ang makita ko!

“Why are you so obsessed with Jasper’s eating life?” Evan asked.

“Kumain na ba?” Evan nodded. “Question number two. How long will it take for you to realize if you’ve been drugged?” I asked. I tried researching, pero wala akong makuhang sagot. Might as well ask it from them para naman may silbi sila bukod sa pagsunod sa akin kahit saan ako pumunta.

Evan looked alarmed.

“Hindi ko siya lalasunin!” I explained. God! Bakit ba nila iniisip na ida-drugs ko si Jasper?!

“Bakit niyo po natanong, Ma’am?” Nico asked. Mabuti pa si Nico nagtatanong muna bago mag-assume.

“I brought food with me since I know that Jasper’s too paranoid to buy food from outside and eat,” I explained. Wala pa rin si Jasper. Mabuti nga. Sa CR ko kaya tinago ’yung bag ko para matagalan siya na hanapin. “Don’t worry, I watched the cooks cook the food.”

Evan eyed me. He’s so paranoid! Partners nga sila ni Jasper.

“Is twenty minutes enough?” I asked. “I mean, na kumain siya and ma-realize niya na hindi siya nalalason at wala akong balak na patayin siya?”

Nico nodded. “Opo.”

Hindi na ako nakasagot dahil nakita ko na si Jasper na paparating kasama ang bag ko. Dang! Nakita niya agad?! I was expecting him to look for it for at least ten minutes! I mean, paano niya naisip na tignan sa bathtub?

“Thanks,” I said with a small smile nang iabot niya sa akin iyong bag. Papasok na ako sa sasakyan nang makita ko na sikuhin ni Evan si Jasper. May binulong siya. I knew it was about me… but I wasn’t worried.

I wanted Jasper to know that I was worried about him.

---

“Good morning, Maggie!” Rafa greeted.

I smiled at him. “I’m sorry,” I quickly apologized. Hindi ko na talaga siya napuntahan dahil masyado akong naging preoccupied sa pagbuhat na ginawa sa akin ni Jasper.

“Nah, it’s fine,” he said. “But you owe me a dinner.”

Had the circumstances changed, I’d quickly decline him… but I knew I owed him. Hindi ko siya napuntahan and he still was the one who helped me get the gig.

“Sure. I’ll tell you when I’m free,” I told him. I still wanted him to know that whatever we’re going to do, it’s still gonna be on my terms. He just ought to realize that I was never going to adjust my life for him. It’s still family and career over love life. And if he couldn’t live with that, he better stop wasting his time on me.

Nang makalagpas na kami, I told Jasper, “I’m going on a date.”

“Okay,” he replied.

“If he kisses me, will you watch?”

“Yes.”

“You’re creepy,” I told him.

“Don’t worry, I won’t take photos,” he said, his face still impassive. This guy! Wala talagang feelings!

Nang magsimula na iyong rehearsals, hindi ko pinansin iyong mga babae na nagtitinginan sa akin. Wala naman silang ginagawa na makakasakit, so pinabayaan ko na lang.

At saka tiwala naman ako na nandyan si Jasper. Willing naman siya na itumba lahat ng pinto para sa akin, so I wasn’t all that worked up. I just focused on perfecting my walk, so I’d still be picked for the next collection.

When lunch came, I asked Jasper to call Kellan, but he said na hindi pwede.

“Bakit?”

“He’s watching the car.”

“But it’s lunch!”

Hindi nagsalita si Jasper. Si Evan ang sumagot.

“I’ll just bring him food later,” he said.

“Ma’am, kailangan po kasing bantayan ’yung sasakyan kasi baka may gumalaw… Mahirap na po,” paliwanag ni Nico. Gosh, the paranoia was just getting worse.

I sighed and got my bag.

“So… sino ang unang kakain?” I asked. I had five sets of food prepared. Mabigat iyong dala ko, but I’d rather have that than to see my bodyguards starving.

“Eat,” I told Jasper. He sighed na para bang pagod na pagod na siya sa akin.

“La—”

“I swear, if I hear you say later again, I’m going to make your job harder, Jasper Alexander Ybañez!” I hissed. Nabigla si Evan at Nico sa pagsigaw ko, pero si Jasper ay kalmado pa rin. Should I jump out of a moving vehicle para mabigla siya?! Ano ba ang dapat kong gawin para makakuha ng reaction mula sa kanya?

Jasper looked at Evan. “If I die, take charge.”

“Of course,” Evan said na parang mamamatay nga talaga si Jasper. They’re so dramatic.

As Jasper was about to take his first bite, I was anxiously looking. “Don’t stare,” he said.

“Bilis. Kain ka na,” I excitedly said.

“Don’t stare,” he repeated.

I closed my eyes. “Okay na? Kain ka na.” I heard Nico chuckling. “Next ka na, Nico. ’Wag kang tumawa.”

Nanatili ako na nakapikit. When I heard Jasper putting the utensils down, I reached for the water in my bag and handed it to him… pero tumama yata sa mukha niya. Mabilis niyang kinuha sa kamay ko. His hand didn’t even touch mine na para bang ayaw niyang madikit sa akin. Ewan.

“Masarap ba?” I asked. It was Nico’s turn to eat kaya naman pwede ko na buksan iyong mata ko. Si Jasper lang naman ang maarte.

“Yeah,” he replied.

“Hindi ako nagluto nun.”

“I know,” Jasper replied.

I frowned. “Ang sama. Effort pa naman ako na panoorin si Manang na magluto para ma-sure ko na hindi bubula ang bibig mo habang kumakain.” I wanted to stand up, but I promised Evan that I’d stay put for twenty minutes. Kapag kasi may nangyari kay Jasper, si Evan ang in-charge. Paranoid sila, pero pinabayaan ko na.

When twenty minutes passed, I was free to roam. Kinuha ko iyong food na para kay Kellan. Nakasunod sa akin si Jasper. Hindi naman siya namatay.

“Siobhan.”

Natigilan ako.

He said my name.

“Thank you.”

Bumilis iyong tibok ng puso ko.

Hala.

“K,” I replied, unable to come up with anything worth saying… and then ran. Ang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko! Tapos hinahabol pa ako ni Jasper dahil tumatakbo ako! Oh, my God!

Chapter 7

#COMM

Chapter 7

Mom was telling us about this function that she’d be attending. Normally, I’d looked really bored to indirectly tell her that there’s no way that I’d attend that event… but today was different.

“Can I come?” I asked her.

She furrowed her brow. “Really?” she replied. It was really weird for me to look interested in anything political. It just wasn’t my turf. I knew how crazy that world is and there’s no way that I’d involve myself.

I nodded. “Yeah. Can I come?”

Mom explained that it’s actually a party for the daughter of the new French ambassador and there would be dignitaries from different countries. I knew the drill—act properly and never do anything that might embarrass the family. This was precisely the reason why Mom never really wanted Psalm to come to super formal events. That brother of mine just really couldn’t resist trouble like it was his middle name.

As I was picking what I’d wear, my door opened.

“So… that was Jasper,” Addie said before she plopped on my bed.

“Yeah,” I said, still focused on what I’d wear.

“He’s cute.”

“Really? I didn’t notice,” I said and then showed her the salmon evening dress that I ordered from Paris. “This look okay?”

She shrugged. “Are you attending Marisse’s party?”

“Marisse who?”

“The French dignitary,” she answered with her forehead furrowed. “If you don’t know her, why are you even attending?”

I shrugged. “I’m just bored.”

She looked at me—the way she did when she’s trying to measure the situation. Agad kong iniiwas ang tingin ko at binalik sa pamimili ng isusuot ko para mamaya.

“Quit staring,” I said when she kept on looking at me like I was one of the book she’s studying.

“You got a crush on your bodyguard.”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. “Addie!”

She laughed. “That’s why you’re attending Marisse’s party. To meet new guys.”

“He’s just outside!” I hissed.

“What? It’s just a crush… unless…”

“I don’t have a crush on Jasper!” I hissed, glaring at her. “I just want to attend a party! Why are you making this a big deal?!”

Addie laughed. She must’ve finished another book that’s why she’s bored again. This is why I’m thankful that I’m not that smart. Smart people get bored easily. They always want to learn something new. And I hate being the subject of Addie’s attention. This girl could read people like we’re her morning newspaper.

“Because you don’t attend events like this, Maggie—at least not voluntarily,” she said in her as-a-matter-of-fact tone.

“Just freaking get Maven and have a quiz bee or something. Stop analyzing me,” I told her, frowning.

“But it’s probably for the best,” she said, shrugging. “You know our family would never approve.”

“I don’t care. I don’t have a crush on Jasper.”

She smiled at me. “Whatever makes you sleep at night, Maggie,” she said and then handed me a folder. “That’s everything I could get on your Jasper.”

I frowned again. “He’s not my Jasper.”

“He may not be your Jasper, but I’m pretty sure that you’re his Maggie.”

God, why did I ever invite her over?! She’s always psychoanalyzing me! This was why Psalm didn’t like hanging out with her. She kept on telling us things we didn’t want to hear and she didn’t know how to shut up when asked.

“Anyhow, enjoy the party. Pretty sure there’ll be lots of replacement guys you can play with.” I was just so thankful when she left.

I left the folder on top of my dresser. I didn’t want to read more about Jasper. My curiosity was sated enough. I didn’t want to feed it into obsession.

“I’ll be going with my parents later. Pwede na hindi mo na ako samahan,” I told him when I opened the door and found him standing outside. My parents already got plenty of bodyguards. Hindi na siguro kailangan na samahan na naman ako ni Jasper.

“I’ll tell the team that they can stay for the night,” he said.

“Thanks. Nagpaluto na ako kay Manang. Kain na lang kayo—”

“I’ll be going.”

“What? No. Dito ka lang!”

Jasper looked at me.

Darn.

Breathe in, Maggie. He’s just Jasper. He’s a dull boy.

Should I request that he wear sunglasses para hindi ko makita na naka-tingin siya sa akin? I mean, ’di ba normally naka-sunglasses naman ang mga bodyguards?

“I mean, maraming security na na kasama kami mamaya. Take this as your rest day na lang…” I explained.

“I don’t do rest day.”

“Then have a rest day starting from now!” sabi ko. I couldn’t help but raise my voice. He’s so makulit! “Ugh! You’re so annoying!” I told him as I marched back to my room.

---

Mom was smiling when she saw me. I picked out my dress carefully. It shouldn’t be too revealing and it should be simple, but elegant. And no over the top jewelries. Abuela would have a heart attack if she saw me wearing lots of jewelries. Seriously, politics. They’re very worried that people would think that they’re embezzling money if we wear diamonds.

“You look very beautiful,” Mom said, smiling.

“Thank you,” I replied.

We were waiting for Dad because he’s still in a video-conference with someone from Spain. I really was just never interested in what my parents do.

Nakaupo ako habang hinihintay si Dad. I was texting Rafa.

“Anyone keeping you interested?” Mom asked when she saw me texting.

Umiling ako. “It’s just for work.”

She arched a brow. “I heard that there’s this guy named Rafa…” she began. Why couldn’t they just leave their kids alone? It’s not like I was stupid not to know that I need the entire family’s approval to even date someone.

“He’s just someone I work with,” I replied calmly.

She nodded, but I knew that it’s not the end of it. Bahala siya. I wasn’t even that interested in Rafa. He’s nice, but not really someone who tickled my fancy.

I decided not to reply to Rafa’s texts anymore and just scroll on facebook. Agad na kumunot ang noo ko nang makita ko na may pinost na picture si Saint. The caption was wedding reception and there were guys whose faces were stickered with duck stickers.

I was about to comment on the photo when—

Oh, my God.

“You clean up nice, Jasper,” Mom told Jasper.

‘Umayos ka, Maggie!’ I reminded myself as I stared at Jasper. He was wearing a freaking suit! He looked so dapper and so—oh, my God! What had I brought upon myself?! I should’ve never agreed to go to a black-tie event! I should’ve known that Jasper would need to dress up, too!

But the heaven was still on my side. Mom stood up and went to Dad’s study.

But darn it. I was left with the last person I wanted to be with.

“You look okay,” I told him and then stood up. I didn’t want to look at him! Man in suit was my weakness! And Jasper’s just super annoying right now! Couldn’t he just wear his boring bodyguard uniform and be the dull boy that he was?

Naglalakad ako palabas habang ramdam ko na nakasunod siya sa akin. I didn’t even make an effort of running dahil alam ko na hahabulin niya lang ako. It was just stupid. Para kaming bata na naghabulan nung isang araw. Kung maka-tingin tuloy si Evan sa akin, parang gusto niya akong inisin!

Because I was almost running in a stupid attempt to further the distance between us, my heel got stuck in the soil. I got out of balance and almost fell when—

Jasper freaking caught me in his arms!

“Careful,” he said, holding me by my arms. I got away from him as quickly as I could.

God, I was in a lot of trouble.

---

Pagdating namin sa venue, agad kong hinanap iyong mobile bar. This was a party… and I was allowed to get drunk. Otherwise, I didn’t know how I’d survive this night with Jasper looking sharp in his freaking suit!

It’s the suit’s fault! It always made guys look better—even dull boys like Jasper!

I flinched when someone touched my waist.

“Looking good, love.”

My lips parted. “Aidan?”

He winked at me. “Yes, love,” he said in his lovely French accent. “Never thought I’d see you again,” he said with that smile that I used to love.

I backed away from him. “Well, yeah, unfortunately.”

“Oh, come on, love. You were the one who dumped me.”

“Because you cheated on me!” I hissed. God, I really needed a drink! This night’s proving to be more challenging! I got a drink and quickly downed it. I saw Jasper from my peripheral. He was watching me, so I got another drink. I was going to lose my mind tonight.

“Love, I told you—”

“I’m not interested in another one of your excuses, Aidan,” I said and tried to get past him, but he held my arm.

“You never really gave me the chance to give you an excuse, Maggie. You ran back to the Philippines,” he said, his voice sounded hurt. As if. He’s the one who couldn’t keep it in his effing pants!

I tried to get his hold off of me, but he wasn’t giving me any chance. My chest was heaving in anger. I thought I was already okay, but seeing him tonight was making me relive all the memories.

“I just don’t see how you can convince me that sleeping with my best friend is something that I can get over with.”

“Maggie…” he said.

“Just get the fuck out of my sight, Aidan,” I said in anger. I didn’t want to cause commotion, but I’d really break his face if he didn’t get his filthy hands off me.

I began to walk away from him when he held my arm.

“Love, please—” he said when I felt someone pulling me.

“Let go,” Jasper said in a growl voice while putting me behind him. Napatingin ako sa kanya. Jasper was looking at Aidan, looking like he’s ready to punch someone.

“Who the fuck are you?” Aidan asked Jasper.

Some people were starting to get curious. I tugged on Jasper’s sleeve. “Tara na,” I whispered. Aidan was looking at me. I bit my tongue so hard to stop me from triggering him more. I couldn’t understand how he could even approach me! He was the one who slept with my best friend!

“Love…” Aidan said, trying to reach me, but Jasper shielded me away from him. Aidan’s jaw tightened. “Stay out of this,” he growled.

Jasper ignored him and looked at me. “Do you want to stay or do you want to go home?” he asked me.

Aidan’s lips parted. “Do you even know who I am?”

Jasper looked at him with his bored eyes. “No. And I’m not interested,” he replied and then shifted his focus on me again. “Siobhan?” he asked, waiting for my answer.

My heart began to quicken its pace. My name… I never really liked my name. It’s just too much. I never liked how people could never pronounce it properly. They always call me Shoban and not Shivon. But darn it, Jasper Alexander Ybañez! You’re getting me in a lot of trouble!

“Let’s go home,” I said.

“You’re living with this guy?!” Aidan said.

I ignored him and just focused on Jasper. I needed to focus on Jasper or else, I’d really lose it tonight.

“He’s not worth it. I don’t want to get you in trouble,” I told him and pulled him away from Aidan. Diretso lang akong naglalakad. I didn’t even know where I was heading. I was just… feeling really bad. I thought okay na ako… I mean, I wasn’t the one who cheated, so the burden should be on Aidan’s shoulder. He’s the one who should feel guilty… pero bakit ganon? Ako pa rin ’yung may problema?

I stopped when my feet began to hurt. I stopped and sat on the floor.

“Do you have a handkerchief? I wanna cry,” I told Jasper. I looked up and saw him looking at me like I was a kid whose candy got stolen by bullies. I was sure my tears were brimming. “It still hurt, okay? He was my boyfriend for 2 years!” I said, finding the need to defend myself.

Jasper put his hand inside his pocket and showed me his handkerchief.

I reached for the hanky, but he was just holding it.

“My tears are about to fall. Pahiram na!” I said, my lips quivering.

“Are you going to cry because of that guy?”

I nodded. “Pahiram na!”

But instead of handing over his hanky, he gave me a tissue. I frowned. “Kung kailan may hanky ka na, bigla ka namang nagdamot.”

He just shrugged and continued to offer me his tissue. Oh, my God, he’s so petty! Biglang umurong iyong luha ko dahil kay Jasper!

I continued to sit there while he continued to look down on me. We were in the middle of the garden. The stars were so beautiful, but I couldn’t find any reason to enjoy them.

“Say something to make me feel better,” I told him. He remained silent. “I know you don’t care about my personal issues, but thank you for taking me away from him. It really means a lot to me, Jasper.”

I looked up and saw him closely watching me. Jasper… he’s a man of few words. But his eyes… they way he looked at me, it’s almost like words weren’t needed.

He made words overrated and silence golden.

“You’re okay,” he said. I didn’t know why, but that made me feel better.

“You’re okay, too,” I replied, smiling at him.

Chapter 8

#COMM

Chapter 8

I didn’t want to go home just yet. I was in the mood for a drink… but I knew that I’d be in a lot of trouble if my parents catch me drinking. I was already an adult, but they still treated me like a kid. It’s okay, though, since I kinda like being the center of their attention.

“Jasper,” I said. I was still sitting down, but suddenly, I felt all too tired. “I wanna drink.”

“Okay,” he replied.

“Can you drink with me?”

“No.”

“Please?”

Umiling siya. I frowned.

“Can you at least carry me on your back? My feet ache,” I complained and then opened my arms. I knew that Jasper’s already annoyed with me, but I kinda liked annoying him. He’s dull, but he’s the cute kind of dull. The kind that makes you want to annoy him more… and at the same time, challenges you because it’s really hard to get a reaction from him.

“You’re a baby,” he said.

“I’m heart broken, okay? I’m really sad tonight…”

He looked like he had a comment to say, but he held himself back. Instead, Jasper squatted in front of me. I smiled to myself. He really couldn’t resist, could he?

Sumakay ako sa likod niya. He held my legs with his arms, while I rested my head on his shoulder.

“Nagkaron ka na ba ng girlfriend?” I asked him. He ignored my question, of course. “Ex?” I prodded. “Nililigawan?” I added.

“You’re so nosy.”

I pouted. “Ang tahimik mo kasi. Namiss ko tuloy si Evan bigla…”

“Evan is married,” Jasper was quick to say.

“Oh! Talaga?! Hindi halata!”

“So, don’t get any ideas,” Jasper said.

“Hala! Wala naman akong sinasabi!” I defended myself. Hindi ko lang talaga maisip na may asawa si Evan kasi palagi lang siyang nakasunod sa akin… It didn’t occur to me that someone’s actually waiting for him to come home… This was exactly why having bodyguards made me uncomfortable. It made me feel like I was inconveniencing everyone. It’s not like the world would stop spinning naman if something were to happen to me… I was just an up and coming model—not Mother Theresa.

“Pero seryoso? May asawa na nga siya?” Jasper nodded. “Hindi ba hinahanap si Evan sa bahay nila?”

“It’s his job,” Jasper said. He was walking like I weighted nothing. It’s nice to be carried like this.

“Pero kahit na… kapag ako nag-asawa, ayoko ng ganon… I think I’d be really clingy…” I said and then held on tighter. “Ang hirap kapag hindi mo nakikita araw-araw at nakakasama ’yung mahal mo, ’di ba?”

I expected at least a nod from him, but I didn’t get any.

“Have you ever been in love, Jasper?”

“You’re so nosy.”

I poked his cheek. “Sagot na. Na-in love ka na ba?”

He stopped walking. “I’ll drop you if you don’t stop prying.”

I frowned. “Wala ka namang sinasagot sa mga mahahalagang tanong ko.”

“Your questions are not important,” he replied, bored.

“Hindi mo pa rin sinasabi kung bakit English speaking ka!” I asked him and kinda tightened my hold around his neck. Inalis niya iyong isang kamay na nakahawak sa legs ko tapos niluwagan niya iyong hawak ko sa leeg niya. God, he’s so strong!

“If I speak in Tagalog, will you shut up?”

I gasped. “You didn’t just ask me to shut up!”

I felt him sighing. “Ingay mo.”

My lips parted. “Oh, my god! Back to English, Jasper! It’s weird to hear you speak in Tagalog!”

“Tss.”

Kumapit ako nang mabuti sa kanya since feeling ko ilalaglag niya na talaga ako anytime. Jasper’s a soldier so he’s trained to follow orders. Ang order sa kanya ay ’wag akong mamatay… I was sure that he’s thinking that I could get hurt when I’m being annoying.

“Pero I have a serious question…” I asked him. “I need a guy perspective.”

“Ask your brothers,” he replied.

I shook my head. “I can’t. They’re friends with Aidan.”

“They’re your brothers.”

“But we grew up together…”

I sadly rested my head on his shoulder again. It still felt like yesterday when I caught with my own eyes the two people I loved cheating on me. Kahit na isipin ko na dapat magpatawad ako kasi iyon ang dapat, hindi ko magawa. Because it hurt. So bad. It felt like they stabbed my chest repeatedly. And then they crushed it into million pieces.

I trusted them both…

And they screwed me over.

Sometimes, it just makes you think if trusting someone’s still worth it. You invest so much trust and emotion… then they’d just end up ruining it all. Ruining you for other people. Makes you hesitant to ever trust anyone again. It just ruins living.

“You’re their sister. They’ll choose you over anyone,” he said.

I tightened my hold on him. “I know… but sometimes, I wonder… was it my fault that he cheated? If… I slept with him, would things have gone differently?”

Jasper kept on walking; he wasn’t saying anything. Maybe I was right. Maybe… a part of this was my fault.

“Maybe this is my fault,” I whispered.

Jasper stopped walking. He put me on the ground and then looked at me. His face was serious that it almost scared me. But he’s Jasper. I trusted him. I knew he’d never hurt me.

“It will be your fault if you come back to him,” he seriously said. He looked at his watch and then looked at me. “It’s Sunday. I’m off duty.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “What?”

He ignored my question. “Cheating is the lowest form of disrespect.”

Napaawang ang labi ko. “Jasper—”

“If he cheated on you, he’s not worth it.”

“What—”

“If he made you feel like it’s your fault, he’s fucking not worth it.”

I was loss for words.

I liked his silence.

But I loved his words.

“Cheating is a conscious decision. It’s not an involuntary reaction. He chose to cheat on you. It’s his fault. It’s never your fault. Stop blaming yourself.”

Mas lalong napaawang ang mga labi ko.

“You’re a nice person, Siobhan. You don’t deserve a lying bastard like him. He’s already your ex—make sure he stays an ex. You’re smart.”

Hindi ko alam pero biglang nangilid iyong luha ko. My lips began to quiver. I had a lot of things to say to him… but isa lang ang lumabas sa bibig ko.

“I love Sunday,” I said and then tears began to stream down.

---

When Sunday morning rolled over, I woke up really early to help the cooks. I just wanted to cook for my bodyguards before I shoo them away for the day.

“Good morning!” I said after I knocked. I made sure not to peep on the window dahil baka kung ano na naman ang makita ko. “Eat your breakfast and then go away,” I told Kellan who’s still half-asleep.

“Huh?”

“It’s Sunday! It’s God’s day! Uwi na kayo sa family niyo. I’ll stay here lang sa house, I promise,” I said and then raised my hand. “Here, food niyo. I personally watched again para sure na safe kainin ’yan.”

Mukhang naguguluhan pa rin si Kellan pero pinapasok ko na kay Manang iyong mga pagkain. I just asked them to cook whatever my brothers liked eating. I figured they just eat the same since pareho silang active lifestyle.

I was about to enter when Kellan stood in front of me.

“Si Jasper?” I asked when I noticed that Evan and Nico were already eating, but no Jasper in sight.

“Ah…” Kellan said. “Evan!” he called.

“What?” Evan replied.

“Si Jasper daw?”

“Off duty,” he replied. He never really liked me, this guy. Sungit palagi. Siguro dahil namimiss niya na asawa niya.

“Ah… umalis?” I asked. Nag-effort pa naman ako na magfry ng bacon.

Evan nodded. “He’ll be back tonight.”

I wanted to ask kung saan siya nagpunta, but I felt like that would be pushing my limit. Tahimik na lang ako na tumango at saka sinabihan siya na sana mag-enjoy sila sa kakainin nila.

And as promised, I stayed at home the whole day. I wanted them to be able to enjoy their Sundays nang hindi nag-aalala kung buhay pa ako. That’s the least I could do for them lalo na ngayon at nalaman ko na kasal pala si Evan. He really needed to come to his wife para hindi siya masungit.

But the con of promising to stay at home was seeing Aidan.

“Good afternoon,” he greeted when I came down to eat.

I pressed my lips in annoyance.

“Siobhan,” Mom called my name. “You didn’t tell me that Aidan was there last night,” she said with a smile. She saw Aidan grow up… little did she know that he grew up to be a cheating bastard.

“We didn’t get a chance to talk, right, Love?” he asked, smiling at me. I wanted to grab the butter knife and stab his smiling face.

“Oh, very well, Aidan, stay for dinner. I’m sure my boys would love to see you,” Mom said. And Aidan, being the bastard that he was, readily agreed.

The lunch was annoying because Mom kept on engaging me to talk to Aidan. I was so tempted to tell him that that guy cheated on her only daughter! She should hate him! But I stopped myself. It’s more than me… his dad’s business associates with my dad… It’s just so complicated.

“That guy from last night…” Aidan said when Mom left us to catch up.

“Just stop whatever it is that you’re doing, okay?” I told him. “It’s not gonna happen.”

Aidan looked at me—the smug smile gone. “Maggie, look, I’m sorry—”

“Apology accepted, then, but that’s it, Aidan. That’s all I can offer. That’s all I want to offer,” I sincerely told him.

I tried to walk away, but he held my arm. “Don’t you still have feelings for me?” he asked.

I looked at him. “That’s not the point, Aidan. You cheated on me. Whatever feelings I might have left for you, they don’t matter… Because. You. Freaking. Cheated. On. Me.”

I was thankful that Jasper talked some sense into me last night… kung hindi dahil sa kanya, hindi ko alam kung ano na ang nangyari ngayon. I might have forgiven Aidan… I might have blamed myself for something that he did…

“There are plenty of girls, Aidan. Bother them, not me.”

“Is it because of that guy?” he asked. I pressed my lips. “Because I asked your mom, Maggie. He’s just a guard. Do you seriously think he stands a chance?”

I wanted to punch his face. I wanted to claw his face. How dare he degrade Jasper?!

“He’s not just a guard—he’s my bodyguard. And he’s more of a man than you’ll ever be!” I said and then walked out on him. I was fuming real hard when I bumped into Evan who seemed to have heard everything.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko.

“Evan—”

“I’ll pretend that I didn’t hear anything.”

“What?”

He looked at me—like he pitied me. I didn’t know why, but that pissed me.

“Not Jasper, Maggie. You’ll never get him,” he said it like he meant it. Like he was worried that I might hurt myself if I did try.

Chapter 9

#COMM

Chapter 9

The whole day ended without Jasper returning home. I had to pretend that I was busy with something else para hindi mapansin ng mga kapatid ko na kanina pa ako naghihintay. I must’ve been a hell of a good actress dahil hindi sila nagduda. Though… I got strange looks from Evan. That guy. He’s acting like Jasper’s mom! May pa-warning pa siya na nalalaman.

When morning finally rolled in, it was back to routine. Nandoon na naman si Jasper sa labas ng pinto ko paglabas ko. I tried to study him, but he seemed normal… Or baka wala lang talaga akong makuha kasi parang robot naman talaga siya? I bet I wouldn’t even notice kapag masaya siya or what. He rarely showed anything!

“Morning,” I greeted. He just nodded. Nagsimula na kaming maglakad. Feeling ko nangangati iyong dila ko para itanong kung ano iyong nangyari kahapon.

Why was I even this curious, anyway? Crush ko na ba talaga siya?!

“What?” Jasper asked. I just realized na napa-hinto pala ako sa paglalakad ko at naka-lagay pa sa bibig ko iyong kamay ko. Oh, my god!

I was slightly shaking upon realization. Gosh. What the heck was wrong with me? Why would I even like Jasper? I mean, I didn’t even know him that much! Ni hindi ko pa siya nakakausap nang mabuti kasi tamad siyang magsalita… tapos crush ko na agad siya?

Something must be seriously wrong with me to like this dull boy.

“Uhm… nothing,” I just answered. I felt my face flushed dahil naka-tingin siya sa akin. I had to pinch myself to wake me up from whatever delusion I was having. “Enjoy ka sa free day mo yesterday?” I asked instead.

Automatic na kumunot ang noo niya. Para bang hindi ko dapat itanong iyon.

Tapos… ewan ko kung bakit biglang bumalik sa akin iyong mga sinabi ni Evan.

“Curious lang,” I said and then smiled. “You don’t have to answer it naman.”

‘Not Jasper, Maggie. You’ll never get him.’

Diretso lang akong naglakad hanggang sa maka-sakay kami sa sasakyan. I purposedly asked my manager to fill my schedule hanggang sa hindi na ako maka-hinga. Thanks to Rafa’s help, I was slowly building my name.

I listened to the music on the way to work. Ewan ko ba. I was not in the mood to pester Jasper. Nakakainis si Evan. Why was I even being so affected? So what if crush ko si Jasper? May sinabi ba ako na ipagpipilitan ko ’yung sarili ko sa kanya? I mean, I may be a lot of things, but I know when I’m unwanted. And I was never one to force myself.

Ayaw mo sa akin? Bye.

Pagdating namin sa venue, agad akong bumaba. Diretso akong naglakad papasok. I even saw Evan and the guys throwing me vague looks. Sanay kasi sila na morning ritual ko ang kulitin si Jasper.

“Good morning,” Rafa said with a smile.

“Morning,” I replied. “Ikaw kasama for this campaign?”

He faked a hurt. “Ayaw mo ba?”

I shrugged. “You’re not bad,” I just replied.

Rafa spent his time entertaining me habang hindi pa nagsisimula iyong shooting. Being that I was grateful for his help, I answered all of his questions, but gracefully dodged all invites… until I couldn’t anymore.

“Oh, come on. One dinner?” he asked.

“I don’t know…” I replied.

“Please? You choose the place. You’re the boss.”

Tinignan ko siya. He seemed relentless. At hindi ko alam sa sarili ko bakit napa-tingin na naman ako kay Jasper! Goodness, Siobhan! Sarap tusukin ng eyes mo!

“I’ll think about it…”

“That’s basically a no, “ Rafa said.

I looked at Jasper who seemed alert in case anything happens. I mean, there’s no harm in having dinner with Rafa naman siguro… since I have no plans in pursuing this little crush.

“Okay,” I said, almost sighing.

Rafa beamed. “Thanks! I’ll make sure you have a great time, Maggie!” he said, overly-enthusiastic. I kinda felt bad dahil pumayag lang naman ako to divert attention… Haay, ano ba ’yan.

Nang tawagin ng director si Rafa, naiwan ako sa dressing room dahil tapos naman na iyong make-up ko.

“Siguro until 10 lang ’yung dinner para makauwi na rin tayo and magpahinga na kayo,” I said while checking myself out at the mirror. Napa-tingin ako at nakita ko na naka-tingin si Jasper sa akin. “What?”

“What about Aidan?” he asked.

“What about that jerk?”

Mukhang naguguluhan siya. “You were bawling the last time,” he stated.

“Oh, tapos? Bawal magmove on?”

“That fast?” he asked.

I shrugged. “Maybe. Iba-iba naman ang way ng pagmu-move on,” I replied. I wanted to ask him… tungkol doon sa babae na sinasabi ni Addie na namatay. But I didn’t think it was appropriate for me to ask.

Sino ba ako? Binabantayan niya lang naman ako.

He didn’t say a word, but his face said like ‘ang gulo niyong mga babae.’ Che! Palibasa wala yata siyang alam sa pagkakaroon ng crush. Tapos ang hirap pa kasi kahit naman crush lang, alam mo na sobrang forbidden? Like alam ko na hindi papayag buong family ko… tapos may something issue pa with Jasper based on Evan’s mysterious words.

Siguro this was the better way. For everyone.

---

When the shoot ended, Rafa reminded me of the dinner. Kulit din nung tao na ’yun! I didn’t even understand why he was so persistent on me dahil marami namang magandang girls around him. I mean, he’s Rafael Gozon! Annoying guy siya for me, but for most girls, he’s the Rafael Gozon.

“I’m so tired,” I said to myself. Akala nung iba, madaling trabaho lang ang pagiging model. Mahirap din kaya siya. And the constant pressure to look good… tapos if you’re not famous enough, sobrang scary ng buong industry. It felt like it could eat you alive. Tapos ang nasty pa ng ibang girls…

But I really wanted this kaya bakit ako susuko? Just like how my brothers bust their asses off practicing. If you really want it, work for it.

“May problema po ba, Ma’am?” Nico asked. Naupo na kasi ako sa sahig. Pagod na ako mula sa pagpose at pagsmile sa camera the whole day.

“Ha? Wala. I’m just tired,” I said with a weak smile. Kahit pagod ako, hindi ko magawang sungitan si Nico because he’s always nice to me—kabaligtaran kay Jasper. Kanina ko pa talaga siya nasusungitan. I wanted to say sorry kasi hindi niya naman fault. It was entirely my fault. Feeling ko kasi mas mabilis mawawala ’yung crush na ’to if susungitan ko siya palagi.

And it just backfired. I just felt sorry the entire time.

“Talaga po?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yeah… pagod lang talaga ako, don’t worry.” I tapped the space beside me. “Upo ka sa tabi ko?” Mabilis siyang umiling. I frowned. “Grabe. Here I was thinking na kahit papano, we’re friends na…”

“Hala, hindi po, Ma’am, baka lang po magalit si Sir Jasper.”

“Tss. Why will he even get mad? He doesn’t even like me…” I whispered. I heard Kellan chuckling. I glared at him. “Ano? D’yan ka masaya kapag nalulungkot ako.”

Biglang sumeryoso iyong mukha niya. Why were my guards bullies?

“Seryoso lang po talaga si Sir Jasper, pero gusto ka nun.”

“Gusto as in?” I fished for information. Susulitin ko na na wala pa sina Evan at Jasper dahil sila iyong pinakuha ko ng mga gamit ko sa loob.

“Gusto bilang tao, ganon po,” Nico answered.

“Tss!” I said and then immediately stood up. Gulung-gulo iyong mukha ni Nico kung bakit ganoon iyong reaction ko. I began to stomp while walking.

“Ma’am, hintayin daw po natin sila bago tayo umalis!” Nico shouted behind me. “Ano’ng ginawa ko? Bakit nagalit?” he asked.

“Tanga. Crush niya si Sir Jasper tapos sinabi mo gusto siya as a friend?”

Oh, my god! Pagchichismisan pa nila ako na parang hindi ko sila naririnig! Mababaliw talaga ako sa mga bodyguards ko!

“Hindi ko siya crush!” I defended myself. Napa-tigil din sila. “I mean, wala akong crush—”

Napa-hinto ako sa pagsasalita nang makita ko sina Jasper at Evan na naka-tingin sa amin.

“Crush?” Evan asked, his forehead creased. He was looking at me like I did a very bad thing. Tss. Why was he so protective of Jasper, anyway? It’s not as if he’d like me. Dapat nga sa aming dalawa, ako iyong i-protect kasi mas vulnerable naman kaya ako…

My lips slightly parted and my heart drummed inside my chest when I caught Jasper looking. It was bad enough that I admitted to myself that I had this teeny crush on him… I’d go crazy kapag nalaman niya!

“Crush on Rafa!” I said. “I’m so excited for the date! Tara uwi na tayo para makapagbihis na ako!” I said and almost ran towards the van. And why did I even run?! Alam ko naman ang kasunod ng pagtakbo! “Oh, my god, stop running after me!”

“Then why do you always run?” Jasper asked.

“I don’t know!” I answered. I seriously lose all logic when it came to him. Na para bang sobrang stupid ko na in front of him kasi kung anu-ano na talaga iyong ginagawa ko. He must think that I was some deranged woman! Umiiyak, nauupo sa lupa, binabato siya ng buhangin, and all the crazy things I did just because he always render me speechless.

God. Jasper Alexander Ybañez is definitely bad for my sanity.

But eventually, I had to stop running.

“I have a question,” I asked him. I faced him and tried my best to look serious… because I was. Kasi… isang araw ko pa lang na tinanggap sa sarili ko na crush ko siya, pero kung anu-ano na iyong ginagawa ko.

Jasper looked at me. That face… devoid of anything. I hated it… but at the same time, it’s the thing that drew me in. God, he’s a big enigma.

“I researched about you,” I said. For a split-second, he looked alarmed.

“Why?” he asked. There was a whiff of cold air. Great.

“I’m curious.”

“Why didn’t you just ask me instead?” tanong niya habang naka-tingin sa mga mata ko. I had to take a step back. I just had to.

“Will you even answer me if I ask?” I asked. He remained silent. “I thought so, too.”

For a few seconds, we just stared at each other. I wanted to put my hand over my chest to calm myself. Why did he have such an effect on me? I barely knew him. He wouldn’t even talk to me much… but for some reasons, he managed to make such an impact in my life.

And I hated that I knew there’s no chance of anything happening.

Masakit umasa sa wala.

I just had to ask him. Ngayon. Para alam ko na kung ano ’yung gagawin ko.

“Are you still in love with her?” I asked him, looking into his eyes—trying to match the intensity of his gaze.

I waited for his answer… because frankly, that’s all I could do. To wait. For his answer. Because it’s all up to him. Kung ayaw niya kasi… may magagawa ba ako?

“Sumagot ka naman,” bulong ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit sumisikip iyong dibdib ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit parang naiiyak ako. Grabe namang crush ’to.

“Why do you have to know?” he asked back.

Tinignan ko siya. Inisip ko… sasabihin ko ba? Would that make things weird between us? Did I want to make things weird between us?

But things were already weird. I could never be normal around him hanggang hindi ko nalalaman iyong sagot.

“I just have to know,” I answered… hoping that my answer would satisfy him.

Maybe the despair in my voice convinced him.

Maybe I looked desperate.

Maybe.

“No.”

My heart momentarily stopped.

My lips parted.

“But stop making this personal, Siobhan. Keep this strictly business,” he replied. He really knew how to break a heart.

Chapter 10

#COMM

Chapter 10

“Ah… okay,” I said and then quietly turned my back against him. Dahan-dahan akong naglakad papunta sa van. I may be all kinds of things, but I always know when I’m unwanted. He needed not to tell me twice.

Hanggang sa makarating kami pabalik sa bahay, tahimik lang ako. I had nothing to say, anyway. I felt like I was slapped on the face. Alam ko na crush ko siya… but his words were too much.

Na para bang pinagpipilitan ko iyong sarili ko sa kanya at sakal na sakal na siya sa akin.

And I didn’t like him making me feel so unwanted.

Nang makarating ako sa kwarto, agad kong tinignan iyong sarili ko sa salamin. I had to smile to stop myself from feeling bad… pero sino ba iyong niloko? Jasper’s words pierced through my soul. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. I barely knew the guy, but his words freaking hurt! Iyong minsan na nga lang siyang magsalita, pero ang sakit-sakit pa!

“Freaking stop feeling sorry, Maggie,” I said while looking at myself. “It’s just a crush. Don’t feel too bad. Kadiri ka,” I continued. Siguro mukha na talaga akong tanga. Kailangan ko pa ng pep talk para lang magfeel better. Bakit ko naman kasi kinausap pa si Jasper? What was I even expecting from a dull boy like him?

Like he’s gonna magically grow feelings? Asa pa ako! Mas mauun pa yatang magkaroon ng zombie apocalypse bago magka-feelings iyong robot na ’yun.

“Career muna, Mags. Hindi mauubos ang mga lalaki,” I reminded myself before I proceeded and chose what to wear for tonight. I spent quite some time picking out the perfect outfit. I just wanted to forget for tonight. Ewan ko ba… I needed to nurse my bruised ego. But ayoko rin naman na gamitin si Rafa for that. The guy’s been nothing but nice to me… but he’s also relentless and didn’t know how to take no for an answer.

I guess we’d both be getting what we needed tonight.

I picked a tiny—but still decent looking—dress for tonight. I also applied dark make-up since gabi naman na. I wore my sky-high heels and let my hair down. Hindi ako tumigil hanggang hindi ako sobrang ganda sa paningin ko. I just basically got dumped by a dull boy! Of course I needed to feel good about myself. Sino pa ba ang tutulong sa akin?

“Nice. Where are you going?” Psalm asked when I passed by him on the stairs.

“Dinner,” I simply replied. I needed not to have his nose on my business. Sobrang pakielamero pa naman ng tao na ’to. Akala mo walang issue sa sarili niyang buhay, e.

“Looking like that? Don’t think so, Mags,” he said, shaking his head.

“What do I look like?”

“Like you’re out to seduce every guy.”

I rolled my eyes. “Why? Are you seduced?”

“Kadiri ka,” he immediately replied. “But seriously, what’s up? Is it because of Aidan?”

“What? No. We’re done. Don’t make an issue out of it.”

Psalm nodded, but I could tell that he wanted me to talk to Aidan. Hindi niya kasi alam iyong nangyari dati. I just didn’t think I needed to tell everyone about what Aidan did. That’s between the two of us. And he’s a family friend. I didn’t want to cause rift… kahit sobrang asshole niya sa ginawa niya sa akin.

I quickly made an exit at saka naglakad pababa. Nang makalabas ako, agad na napansin ko na nakuha ko iyong atensyon ni Nico at Kellan. Evan and Jasper were in deep talk.

“Can we go na?” I asked. At dahil doon, napa-tingin sa akin iyong dalawa.

I had always been confident about what I wear. Hindi naman kasi ako nagsusuot ng hindi bagay sa akin. But the way Jasper’s looking at me, pakiramdam ko sobrang igsi ng suot ko. His expression was different from those of Nico and Kellan—there was a hint of disapproval on Jasper’s face. And a small scowl, too, if I wasn’t being ridiculous.

’Che! Tigilan mo nga ’yan, Siobhan! Kaya ka nagkaka-crush kasi masyado mong inaanalyze maski iyong simpleng tingin ni Jasper. Tigilan mo ’yan. Bad ‘yan,’ I chastised myself.

Nico and Kellan nodded and the got in the other car. Si Evan naman, nandun sa isang sasakyan. Tapos kasama ko si Jasper doon sa isa. Tahimik akong naglalakad papasok sa sasakyan habang naka-sunod sa akin si Jasper. I made a mental note na ’wag magsalita unless necessary.

“Sa Power Plant,” I said bago pa man ako tanungin ni Jasper kung saan kami pupunta. Kasi magtatanong siya… tapos syempre hindi naman ako bastos na bata kaya sasagot ako. Tapos dahil hindi pa ako over sa kanya, magtatanong ako… hanggang sa kung saan na naman mapunta iyong usapan namin.

Ending? Sasaktan na naman niya ako sa mga salita niya. Kaya ’wag na, no.

The whole ride was freaking quiet—which was nice. Rafa sent a text asking me if on the way ako. I sent a yes para hindi naman siya paranoid.

‘Love?’ a text was sent. Agad na tumaas ang kilay ko dahil isa lang naman ang tumatawag sa akin ng love na ’yan! But seriously, saan ba niya nakuha iyong number ko?! Sino sa mga kapatid ko ang nagbenta sa akin sa cheater na ’yun?!

I was about to delete the text and even block Aidan’s number when I noticed that Jasper was actually peeping at my phone! Chismoso na ’to!

“Excuse me? Privacy?” I asked, arching my brow at him.

“Where are we really going?” he asked.

“Power Plant nga, ’di ba?”

“Who are you going to meet?”

I bit my tongue, but the words just needed to get out of my mouth.

“I thought strictly professional? Why are you meddling with my life now?” I shot back at him. I knew this was petty, but it felt freaking good to be able to throw those words back at him. Aba para naman ma-feel niya how bad he made me feel!

He looked taken aback, but he was quick to get back on his feet.

“This is me being professional. I need to know who you’re meeting, Sio—”

I quickly cut him off. “I’d rather you not call me Siobhan if we’re really keeping this professional.”

The intensity of his gaze was making me crazy, but I needed to stop all the crazy thoughts inside my head. I needed not to feed the fantasy. If I were to keep this crush, alam ko naman na ako lang ’yung kawawa sa huli. It’s hard to have feelings for someone who’s clearly carrying a torch for someone else… kahit ilang no pa ang sabihin niya. Ramdam ko naman na may iba.

Ako lang naman ’tong tanga na pinipilit na may dahilan lahat ng ginagawa niya. Ilusyon ko lang lahat. Baliw na nga yata talaga ako kagaya ng sinasabi palagi ng mga kapatid ko.

Hindi ko alam kung ilang segundo na naka-tingin lang sa akin si Jasper matapos kong sabihin iyon.

“Okay,” he said after minutes of deafening silence. “Where are we going, Ma’am?”

“Power Plant,” I replied, not breaking his gaze.

“And who are you meeting?”

“Rafa…” I answered. “And Aidan.”

I thought I saw Jasper’s jaw clenching. Nababaliw na yata talaga ako. I was beginning to imagine things.

---

Upon arriving at the destination, I checked my phone. Rafa said na nasa resto na siya and the text was sent ten minutes ago. In fairness, he’s on time.

“Where are we going after this, Ma’am?” Jasper asked while I was fiddling with my phone. Crazy na yata talaga ako pero parang inis iyong boses ni Jasper.

‘At paano naman naging inis iyong boses, Siobhan? Baliw!’

“Not sure. I’ll text Aidan muna,” I answered and then pretended to call Aidan. Medyo lumayo ako nang kaunti mula kay Jasper. Hinihintay pa rin kasi namin iyong sasakyan nila Nico dahil nahuli dahil sa traffic lights.

“Hey. Yeah. Where am I meeting you?” I asked kunwari sa sweet voice pero asa naman if I’d talk to Aidan ever again, no! After everything, hindi naman ako tanga to fall for his trap twice.

“Okay, I’ll see you in an hour,” I said and then pretended to be sweeter habang nagba-bye. Kadiri lang talaga. Things I do to pretend that Jasper didn’t really put a number on my ego.

I put my phone inside my bag and then came back to where I was standing.

“We’ll meet daw sa BGC,” I said to Jasper. “Aidan already reserved a spot. If you don’t feel comfortable standing with the other guards, do tell para mapauwi na kita.”

Was I being harsh on him? Yes. But I just really needed this! Para akong mababaliw na hindi ko siya kinakausap! Pero para rin akong mababaliw kapag naiisip ko ’yung sinabi niya. I felt like I was at an impasse and whatever I do, it’s me who’d end up hurting.

It’s just so unfair. Kung sino iyong unang nahulog, talo.

Jasper ended up saying nothing. Nang makarating na finally sila Nico, nagsimula na akong maglakad. Usually, si Jasper iyong naglalakad sa tabi ko tapos si Nico sa likod at si Kella sa harap. But tonight, Nico’s the one walking beside me.

“Bakit ikaw tonight?” I asked before I even thought my question through.

Napa-kamot sa ulo si Nico. “Ginalit mo yata si Sir, e…”

“What? Bakit ako na naman ang may kasalanan?” defensive na sabi ko. Narinig naman kaya nila iyong usapan namin ni Jasper kanina! I was sure since lagi namang naka-buntot sa amin ’yung tatlo na ’yun.

“E ginalit mo yata talaga, Ma’am…”

“Wow, ako pa? You heard what he told me!” I hissed.

“Ganon lang talaga magsalita ’yun, Ma’am.”

“So, because he just talks like that, I’m supposed not to care that he hurt me?”

Nico shook his head. “Di naman ganon, Ma’am… E ’di ba crush mo nga? Dapat alam mo na na ganon talaga si Sir Jasper bago mo pa naging crush… Bakit parang nagugulat pa po kayo na ganon siya magsalita?”

I couldn’t believe that I was having this debate with Nico while on the way to my date with Rafa and my imaginary date with Adain. Ano’ng nangyayari sa buhay ko?

“Basta! Ako dapat ’yung kampihan mo kasi ’di ba you heard what he said before? Ako ’yung na-hurt!”

I saw Nico’s small smile. “Sige po. Ikaw na ’yung mas nasaktan,” sabi niya na parang may ibang ibig sabihin. I wanted to grill him alive pero nakarating na kami sa resto.

“Hi!” Rafa said, enthusiastic.

“Hi. I’m sorry, I’m a bit late,” I said, though I was on time. Super aga niya lang talaga dumating.

“It’s okay. I reserved a table for us,” he said and began to usher me. I looked around and saw that the whole place was occupied. Hindi naman masikip, but every table’s filled.

“Can we go to some other place instead?” I asked.

“Ha? Why? I thought you said this is you favo—”

I cut him off and glanced at my bodyguards who were standing outside and watching every movement. My paranoid guys.

“Yeah, but I need a resto with free tables.”

“Why?”

“My guards haven’t eaten yet.”

“But they’re just your guards,” Rafa said. And just like that, I got disappointed in him. The word just really put him in a bad light. Lagi kasing sinasabi ni Dad na you’d really know someone based on how he treats not those who are equal with him, but those who are beneath him.

I tried to mask the disappointment, but Rafa seemed to have noticed. Pumayag siya na lumipat, but the whole night ended with me just smiling and politely answering his questions.

I guess wala na talagang next date.

“BGC,” Jasper told the driver nang nasa sasakyan na kami.

Tahimik lang ako. I’d just probably tell him that Aidan couldn’t make it because of some emergency. I didn’t have the energy to come up with an excuse at the moment. Not when Jasper seemed tensed—imagination ko na naman yata.

Nang makarating kami sa BGC, I just picked the most decent looking club at doon ako pumasok. Jasper didn’t seem happy with the fact na papasok kami sa isang masikip na lugar. I was sure that his paranoia reached an all time high.

I pretended to talk to the bouncer and ask him kung saan iyong VIP lounge, but truth was, I just said that I was related to Santi para makapasok kami. That guy’s into business and he’s part-time owner of most bars in BGC.

Pagpasok namin, dumiretso ako sa vacant na couch sa VIP area and ordered drinks sa waiter. But as I was waiting, napaawang iyong labi ko nang makita ko si Aidan.

“Of all places that I’ll see you, love. Trying to bring back the past?” he asked upon seeing.

I gritted my teeth. “Go away, Aidan.”

But instead of heeding my request, he sat on the space beside me. He placed his drink on the table and draped his arm on the space behind me. I was about to twist the freak out of his arm when I noticed the very visible scowl on Jasper’s face. By this time, I was sure I was not hallucinating! It was too vivid to be my imagination!

Aidan leaned in to whisper something in my ears. “Let’s talk properly, Maggie. Please? At least hear my explanation.”

I smiled and pretended to like what I was hearing. “Over my dead body, Aidan. And even then, I still won’t listen,” I said and then sweetly smiled at him and patted his cheek…

And then I saw Jasper’s jaw clenching, Evan’s disapproving look, Kellan’s amused face, and Nico’s confused face.

Chapter 11

#COMM

Chapter 11

Jasper and the guys remained standing from a distance. Aidan, on the other hand, seemed to not get the words, even though I tried to be as verbose so that he’d understand me. Nanatili lang siya na naka-upo sa tabi ko. Good thing the drinks finally came.

“Mags, come on—”

“My God. Is there a shortage of girls, Aidan? Why do you keep bothering me? I already said that there’s no chance. What part of it don’t you understand because I’ll elaborate for you,” I calmly said while pouring myself a glass. I do drink occasionally—with cousins, with friends. Only if I was sure that there would be people who’d look after me. Only tonight, I had my guys with me.

Ewan ko. I didn’t know them personally, but I believed them when they said that they’d literally take a bullet for me. Kinilig ako ng konti kahit pinagdasal ko na ’wag naman sanang mangyari. They have families and I’d hate myself kapag ako ang naging dahilan kapag may mangyari na masama.

“I keep on bothering you because you never tried to listen,” he said, sounding pitiful, but I knew better. Aidan’s a player and I played his game… too bad I got burned. But okay na ako, e. I was doing better… having another problem that I was beginning to think was worse.

And that problem was staring at me. Grabe siya tumingin! Ramdam ko kahit hindi ako tumingin sa kanya, e!

Ignoring Aidan for the rest of the night, I shifted my attention on the drinks. And on the fourth shot of Cuervo, I started to loosen up. Tumayo ako at saka lumapit kina Nico.

“Have a drink with me naman,” I said, offering the shot glass.

“Ma’am uuwi na ba tayo?” Nico said, instead.

“It’s only 11pm!” I said, shoving the shot glass on his face. Muntik ko nang matapunan si Nico sa mukha ng tequila, if not for Jasper catching my hand.

“You’re drunk,” Jasper stated.

I shook my head and giggled. “I am most definitely not!” And I didn’t know why I kept on laughing! Wala naman siyang sinabi na funny, pero natatawa talaga ako! But I begged myself not to touch him kahit na I badly wanted to touch his face. And then slap him. And then sabunutan siya.

God, tequila. I always get violent when I’m drunk.

“Your mom will—”

“Blah blah blah,” I mocked him. “Mom’s in Rome. Dad’s in Barcelona. Call them. I dare you,” I said with a sinister smile. He remained quiet. “I thought so,” sabi ko bago nagtry na bumalik sa couch. The ground was beginning to look like squiggly lines kaya naman halos masubsob na ako sa couch—buti na lang nasalo ako ni Aidan.

“You really can’t hold your liquor, love,” he said while trying to help me sit down. “Why don’t I take you home?”

I shook my head. “Jasper will take me home…” I whispered.

“Who? That guard?” he asked, his forehead creased. I nodded. “Maggie, what’s happening to you? Don’t get yourself in trouble.”

“You’re trouble yourself.”

He actually looked hurt. “Maggie… I really fucking hate myself for doing that. Won’t you really ever forgive me?”

I laughed because that’s exactly what was happening. But it’s not as if I had control over who I’d like. And it’s not as if something would ever happen. Kasi judging from what was happening, hanggang imagination na lang talaga ako.

And it’s so sad.

“If… I slept with your friend, will you forgive me?” I asked him. He remained silent. “If… you caught me in bed with him, naked and sweaty… will you be able to forget it and say that everything’s gonna be okay?”

He was quiet. I hoped he understood where I was coming from. I loved him—sobra… but he hurt me, too—sobra. And with what he did? There’s just no coming back from that. He should’ve known. Alam niya iyong nangyari sa mga magulang ko… but he still dared do the very same thing.

“Thought so,” I said and then stood up. Nagsimula akong pumunta kay Jasper para sabihin na gusto ko na umuwi pero ramdam ko na naka-sunod pa rin sa akin si Aidan.

I groaned. “Oh, my god, just go home,” I said. My head was beginning to spin and I knew I had no patience to tolerate Aidan for tonight. He’s slowly turning from pathetic to pesky.

“Can’t drive, love. I’m drunk,” he said.

I rolled my eyes. “You have a driver, Aidan. I’m drunk, but not stupid,” I said and then looked at Jasper who looked like he was ready to snap Aidan’s neck—but of course nag-iimagine na naman ako. I should really think of a title dito sa movie sa imagination ko.

“Let’s go,” I told Jasper and the guys. Dahan-dahan akong naglakad.

“Nico,” Jasper just said tapos nabigla ako na inaalalayan na ako ni Nico pababa sa stairs.

I frowned and whispered, “Ayaw talaga sa akin ng Sir mo…”

Nico smiled. “Selos lang ’yan, Ma’am.”

“Talaga?”

He nodded. “Akala ko nga bubunot ng baril kanina, e.”

“Tss. Malaki ka talagang paasa,” sabi ko bigla.

Napa-kamot siya sa ulo. “Si Ma’am nagtatanong tapos sa akin din nagagalit. Bagay kayo ni Sir talaga…” sabi niya tapos tahimik akong inalalayan hanggang sa makarating kami sa sasakyan.

I thought matatahimik na ako. I was in dire need of sleep dahil sa buong araw na work tapos stressful pa na nangyari kanina.

“What the—”

I opened my eyes and saw Aidan sitting beside me tapos si Jasper naman ay nasa shotgun. What the freak happened?!

“Why are you here?!” I hissed. He’s being immensely annoying! Aidan just shrugged. I turned at Jasper. “Why is he here?!”

“Bakit ’di siya tanungin mo?”

“Come again?” I asked. Feeling ko biglang nawala iyong pagiging tipsy ko. Did… I just really hear him speak in Tagalog?

“Paalisin mo kung gusto mo,” he said again. In TAGALOG.

“God, I must really be drunk…” I whispered to myself.

“Bawal kang mag-uwi ng lalaki,” Jasper continued.

Kinusot ko iyong eyes ko and tried to look for bottled water inside the car. Good thing my tumbler was still on the cup holder. I was about to reach for it nang abutin iyon ni Jasper.

“Hey! I’m thirsty!”

“Kanina pa ’to di—”

“And please speak in English again. Kinikilabutan ako sa Tagalog mo.”

Hindi pa rin niya inabot iyong water sa akin.

“Pauwiin mo na siya,” sabi niya sabay turo kay Aidan na mukhang naguguluhan sa sinasabi ni Jasper.

“What? Gusto mo ba sipain ko siya palabas ng sasakyan?” I asked him incredulously—but he nodded! And I was just kidding! Bakit ko naman sisipain ng literal si Aidan? He’s not an animal! And even animals don’t deserve to be treated that way.

“Magagalit Mama mo,” sabi niya na parang bata.

“Alam mo, it’s really rude to speak in Tagalog when you know naman na French siya at hindi nakakaintindi ng Tagalog,” I said, but the brute just continued to speak in Tagalog. Hindi lang siya dull boy, rude boy din.

“Siya ang nasa Pilipinas, siya ang mag-adjust.”

My lips just parted. Biglang nawala iyong dull boy at parang boy na lang ’yung nasa harap ko.

“Are you for real?” I asked, unable to believe the words that came out of Jasper’s mouth. He remained silent. I turned to Aidan. “Leave,” I said. He was about to say something, but I cut him off. “For the love of all that’s holy, leave, Aidan, before I ask Jasper to literally kick you out of the car.” And I was sure that Jasper would not even think twice. Kanina pa kaya niya mukhang gustong suntukin si Aidan.

I gently push Aidan out of the car. Lumabas din ako para hanapin iyong sasakyan niya. Nagulat ako nang bigla niya akong yakapin mula sa likuran. I was stunned.

“Aidan, what are you doing?” I asked, trying to get him off me. Mas lalo niya lang hinigpitan iyong yakap niya.

“Maggie, I’m sorry…”

“You’re being pathetic, Aidan. Stop it.”

I felt him shaking his head. “Losing you is the worst thing that ever happened to me, Maggie. I just… can’t lose you. Permanently.”

His voice sounded so pained. Na para bang nagsisisi talaga siya sa ginawa niya… sa panloloko niya sa akin kahit ginawa ko naman lahat para sa kanya… For a second, I wanted to give in and listen to his excuses… but I remembered Jasper’s voice inside my head. ‘Cheating is a conscious decision. It’s not an involuntary reaction. He chose to cheat on you. It’s his fault. It’s never your fault. Stop blaming yourself.’

“You already lost me, Aidan,” I whispered. “Just give it up. Please.”

“No,” he said, loosening his hold. “But one day, we’ll talk, Maggie,” he said. I ignored him. I had ways to avoid him—lalo na siguro kapag nainis ako sa kanya at sinabi ko na sa mga kapatid ko iyong dahilan kung bakit talaga kami naghiwalay. My brothers are not violent in nature, but I was pretty sure that they’d get violent for me. Love kaya nila ako kahit bwisit sila.

Nang makapasok siya sa sasakyan niya, tahimik ako na bumalik sa sasakyan. That talk, even though it only lasted for a few seconds, drained the remaining energy in me. I just kept on sighing… and wishing for this day to end already.

Hanggang sa makauwi kami, tahimik lang ako. Nagulat ako dahil mas nauna pa si Jasper na pumunta sa guest house. Usually, he’d wait for me to come inside—minsan nga hinahatid niya pa ako sa mismong harap ng kwarto ko when he’s feeling extra-paranoid.

“Ano’ng problema nun?” I uttered to myself.

“Pinagselos niyo kaya, Ma’am,” bulong ni Kellan sa akin tapos tumango naman si Nico.

Agad na kumunot ang noo ko. “Ano’ng selos? Ni hindi nga kami nag-usap!”

“Si Ma’am… nagyakapan pa nga kayo nung ex mo. Nakita nga namin, e. Malamang nakita rin ni Sir!” sabi ni Kellan. Tapos tumango na naman si Nico.

“Hindi naman ako crush nun kaya bakit siya magseselos?” I asked, trying to fish information. Ang desperate ko na, gosh! But as long as hindi ko naman bino-bother si Jasper… wala naman sigurong masama. Ako naman ’yung nasasaktan sa mga ginagawa ko, e.

“Ma’am…” parang hirap na hirap na sabi ni Kellan. “Di mo ba nakita si Sir buong gabi? Mukhang muntik na sapakin ’yung ex mo.”

Umiling ako. “Hindi. Hindi ko naman siya tinignan buong gabi,” I honestly said. I willed myself not to look at Jasper because even a single glance would tempt me… and I was already desperately tempted… I didn’t need any more tempting.

“Nico, ikaw nga ang kumausap kay Ma’am,” parang naiinis na nahihirapan na sabi ni Kellan.

Nico sighed and looked at me. “Ma’am…” panimula ni Nico. “Mahina akong makaintindi ng ibang bagay… pero tanga lang ang hindi makakapansin sa inyong dalawa.”

Umiling ako. Nang sobra. No. They shouldn’t feed fuel to the fire I was badly trying to put out!

“No,” I said, desperately shaking my head. “Wag nga kayong nagsasabi ng ganyan.”

Kellan sighed. “Pustahan tayo, Ma’am, ’pag pumunta kami sa guest house, makikita namin na nagpupush-up si Sir.”

“Ha? Ano naman connect?”

“Ganoon si Sir kapag frustrated at naiinis, dinadaan sa exercise. At sa takbo ng mga nangyayari sa ’yo at sa ex mo, baka maging ala-wrestler na ’yung katawan ni Sir.”

I shook my head vehemently.

“Sige nga, Ma’am, punta ka sa guest house,” Nico urged.

“No,” I answered.

“Ayie. Takot kang malaman, Ma’am?”

“Shut up, Nico.”

Napa-kamot siya. “Bakit ba lagi akong nasa-shut up?” tanong niya kay Kellan tapos tinapik lang ni Kellan iyong likod niya.

I excused myself para matulog na. Umakyat ako sa taas at mabilis na nagpalit ng damit. But even after I dressed up and was ready for bed, I kept on turning. Hindi ako maka-tulog! Kainis!

After what felt like hours of turning, I finally stood up and grabbed something to cover my nightgown and quietly walked downstairs. Tulog na lahat sa bahay pero may naka-salubong ako na guard na nag-iikot. I just asked him to ignore me.

Nang makarating ako sa guest house, I was expecting to find all the lights to be off… but when I peeped at the window, there was Jasper… doing push-ups… and it’s freaking 2 am!

Chapter 12

#COMM

Chapter 12

The next day, I was unusually silent kaya naman mabilis iyong napansin ng mga kapatid ko. All of them were looking at me weirdly. Even Cohen looked worried! Ganoon na ba akong kahalata? I barely got any sleep last night pagkatapos kong silipin si Jasper! And speaking of which, napapadalas na iyong pagsilip ko! He’s making me develop a weird hobby!

After my loud breakfast with my brothers—dahil wala iyong parents namin so they took the liberty to talk about guy stuff that I had no interest in—lumabas na ako para pumunta sa work.

“Good morning, Ma’am!” masayang bati ni Kellan pagkalabas ko pa lang.

I eyed him. “Good morning?” I replied, unsure dahil he’s too energetic. It’s weird, okay. Kellan’s kinda Mr. Sunshine pero hindi naman umabot sa point na he’s like a bouncing ball of energy.

“Where’s Jasper?” I asked in the most subtle way. I didn’t want to come off as too interested, pero naman kasi! Why was he doing push-ups ng madaling-araw?! Ano ang gusto niyang patunayan, right?

Kellan’s grin was making me crazy with thoughts. Ano na naman ba ang naiisip niya? At nasaan na si Nico na kakambal niya?

“Bakit mo hinahanap, Ma’am?” tukso niya.

“Duh? Aalis na kasi tayo,” I replied, trying to keep it cool. “Anyway, nagbreakfast na ba kayo? Kasi mahaba ’yung shoot for today. Not sure pa if masasamahan ko kayo para maglunch later…”

Lately kasi, naka-gawian ko na na magprepare ng food for them. And since sobrang paranoid lang talaga ni Jasper about food, I always made sure na present ako mula sa pagpili ng ingredients hanggang sa pagmake-sure na clean iyong container. I also hold on to the food like it’s my dear life. Para sure na safe! Kasi if not, matatapos iyong araw na wala siyang kinakain. Tapos ako iyong bothered kahit si Jasper naman ’yung gutom.

“Yes, Ma’am, kumain na po kami. Gusto niyo po bang malaman kung ano ang kinain ni Sir Jasper?”

“And why will I want to know?”

“Kasi crush niyo siya?”

Hinampas ko nga. “Ang instigator niyo ni Nico!” pagalit ko sa kanya. Hahampasin ko pa sana ulit siya pero natigilan ako kasi nakita ko si Jasper na naka-tingin sa amin. I immediately stood up properly and kept a cool face.

I thought lalapit siya, pero nagulat ako nung bumalik siya papasok sa guest house. Napaawang tuloy iyong labi ko!

Kellan chuckled. “Wag kasi kayong basta hahawak sa lalaki, Ma’am,” sabi niya ng may nakakalokong ngiti. Gosh. Why was I surrounded with weird guys?! Mula sa brothers ko hanggang sa mga guards ko!

“Alam mo? Paasa ka rin kagaya ni Nico,” I told him… and magically, Nico appeared!

“Bakit ako na naman, Ma’am?” tanong ng clueless na si Nico.

“LQ na naman sila ni Sir,” Kellan explained.

“Excuse me?” I asked with my brow arched. “We’re not lovers, no!”

“Bakit namumula ka, Ma’am? Gusto mo rin, no?” Kellan teased.

Stressed na nga ako sa work, stressed pa rin ako sa bodyguards ko! And it’s not even afternoon yet, pero ’yung stress ko sa kanila, pang gabi na!

“Tigilan niyo nga ako. Kapag kayo narinig ni Evan, lagot kayo,” I told them. Nico nodded, as if he was scared of Evan finding out what they’re doing. Takot din pala. Sabagay… Evan’s giving off this scary vibes. Among the four of them, he’s the strictest.

After mentioning Evan, hindi na nila ako tinukso kay Jasper… and for some reasons, nalungkot ako. Bakit ba natutuwa ako na tinutukso nila ako kay Jasper? I was really in some deep crap para kahit ganoon na bagay, matuwa ako!

A few minutes after, lumabas na si Evan at Jasper mula sa guest house. Parehong naka-kunot iyong noo nila na parang may pinagtalunan sila. My curiosity level reached a new all time high! It looked like they’re hiding something… and I badly wanted to unravel whatever secret that may be.

And I was really contradicting myself when it came to Jasper. Kahit ilang beses na sabihin ko na ayoko na, I always see myself coming back for more. Grabe talaga na crush ’to.

“Problema nun…” I uttered to myself when I caught Evan almost glaring at me. Ni wala pa nga akong nagagawa or nasasabi sa kanya ngayong araw! And we didn’t even talk much yesterday! Was he mad kasi halos madaling-araw na kaming naka-uwi kagabi? Important ba sa kanya ang 8 hours of sleep?

My mouth parted because I almost asked Jasper kung ano ang problema ng kaibigan niya nang mapansin ko na wala na pala akong kakausapin dahil iniwan ako ni Jasper at pumasok na siya sa sasakyan. Great. Bad mood iyong kalahati ng protection squad.

I sighed as I went inside. I quietly took my spot. Jasper’s forehead was still creased. I was tempted to touch his forehead and straighten the crease, but baka naman sabihan niya ako ng ginagawa ko na naman na personal!

E bakit kasi siya nagsscowl and speak Tagalog and push-up?! Gulo niya rin, e! He kept on telling me to back off, pero opposite naman pinapakita niya! Gosh, he’s confusing the eff out of me!

Pero ako rin naman. I kept on reminding myself to stop this crush, pero isang tingin lang sa dull boy na ’to, kinakain ko rin lahat ng sinasabi ko.

Hanggang makarating kami sa destination, tahimik lang si Jasper. When the car stopped, I bit my tongue so hard kasi baka ano na naman ang masabi ko. Sobrang concerned pa naman ako kasi Jasper had dark circle under his eyes… I saw him doing push-ups kasi ng 2am… tapos ako naman na creeper, stayed and watched him hanggang 2:30! 30 minutes lang naman!

“Do you wanna take a nap? I’ll be getting my make-up done for an hour pa naman… I can ask Kellan and Nico to look after me…” I offered kasi feeler ako kaya inaako ko na ako ’yung dahilan kung bakit puyat siya.

I thought he’s going to argue and be Jasper-like kaya naman nagulat ako when he nodded.

“Be there in half an hour. Don’t leave the premise,” he said as if he’s talking to a kid. My lips slightly parted tapos he talked to his Bluetooth thingy. Kausap niya yata sila Kellan. “Look after Sparkplug,” iyon lang ’yung sinabi niya tapos kinuha niya iyong neck pillow at saka pumikit. Tignan mo ’tong tao na ’to! He’s so weird!

I stared at him for a few seconds before I got convinced na he’s sleeping nga. Para akong bata na bumaba sa sasakyan.

“Tara na, Ma’am?” Nico asked, kinuha niya iyong bag ko.

I must’ve been pouting real bad dahil pati makeup artist, napansin agad na wala ako sa mood.

“May guards sa mismong place, so chill lang kayo, okay?” I told Nico and Kellan because they’re too stiff. It’s so unlike their usual, playful selves.

“Wag mo kaming pansinin, Ma’am. Make-up ka lang dyan,” Nico said, still looking paranoid na parang bigla kaming papasukin dito at babarilin. Napailing na lang ako. Sir nga nila si Jasper. Manang-mana sa pagka-paranoid, e.

After I was done with the makeup, agad na binigay sa akin iyong susuot ko. It’s a bikini top and denim cutoffs for a summer campaign of a huge clothing brand. Ni hindi pa nga nalalabas in public iyong campaign na naka-bikini ako kaya hindi pa todo iyong galit ni Mama… but mas okay naman ’yung suot ko ngayon so I didn’t they’d mind.

Kita ko na namula iyong mukha nung dalawa. Natawa ako.

“What? Ngayon lang kayo nakakita ng bikini?” I asked and then dangled the piece of cloth in front of them. They’re so red!

“Ma’am, ’wag mo naman kaming ipahamak kay Sir…” parang nagmamakaawa na sabi ni Nico. “Baka kami pag-initan nun.”

“Hala, issue talaga kayong dalawa! Wala ngang gusto sa akin ’yun!”

“Si Ma’am ’di ko alam kung tanga-tangahan o gusto mo lang talaga kaming ipahamak,” sabi ni Kellan na parang hindi ako ’yung anak ng amo nila. Mabuti na lang gusto ko sila as humans kaya okay lang na ganito kami mag-usap.

“Bakit naman siya magagalit sa inyo?”

“Ma’am hanggang 4am nga nagpush-up dahil lang yakap mo ex mo… paano pa kaya ’pag nakita ka namin na ’yan lang suot?” sabi niya sabay turo dun sa bikini top.

My lips parted when I heard na hanggang 4am nagpush-up si Jasper. Was he being serious? Ano’ng problema talaga nung dull guy na ’yun?

I sighed. “Pero serious kasi… ’wag niyo na akong tuksuhin kay Jasper, okay? I mean… oo na, crush ko siya… pero hindi naman mutual ’yung feelings. Help niyo na lang ako magmove on, okay?” seryoso na sabi ko sa kanila.

They both shrugged their shoulders.

“Crush ka nga rin ni Sir,” sabay na sabi nila.

“Hindi nga.”

“Oo nga. Pustahan?”

“Hilig niyo magpustahan. Makipagfriends nga kayo sa mga kapatid ko,” sabi ko at saka pumasok ako sa CR para magpalit na. I made sure to wear a robe nung lumabas ako dahil baka kung ano ang mangyari sa dalawa na ’yun.

“Nasan na ’yung dalawa?” nagtataka na tanong ko nang mapansin ko na wala ng tao sa dressing room bukod sa akin. I got my phone and went outside para hanapin iyong dalawa. Napahinto ako nang makita ko si Evan at Jasper na nag-uusap.

I was about to call their attention when I heard my name being mentioned.

“Don’t even look at Maggie’s way,” Evan said. “Remember your promise to Helene, Jasper.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. Who’s Helene?

“I know,” Jasper said, sounding tormented.

“Alam mo naman pala. Umayos ka,” Evan replied. What the heck were they talking about and why were they so serious?

I stood there, waiting for Jasper’s reply… I was so curious kung ano ang sasabihin niya. At gusto kong malaman kung sino iyong Helene na sinasabi niya. Bakit ang daming babae? Iba pa ba ’yun doon sa namatay na binabantayan niya dati? Ang gulo lang.

“It’s not like I can just—” Jasper said and stopped midway. “Fuck,” he uttered under his breath. He actually cursed. Ganun ba talaga ka-seryoso iyong pinag-uusapan nila?

“It’s easy,” Evan said. “If you can’t handle this job, tell them you want to be transferred somewhere else.”

Agad na umawang ang labi ko. What?! Ano’ng ililipat?!

Para akong tanga na naghintay na sabihin ni Jasper na hindi siya lilipat… kasi ’di ba kahit naman sinasabi niya na ayaw niya sa akin, ramdam ko naman na may kahit kaunti, e… He’s the one who kept on confusing me. He’s the one who stopped me from actually moving forward.

Iyong mga simpleng tingin niya.

Iyong simpleng paramdam niya.

He’s making it impossible to move on.

“Okay,” he replied. “I’ll leave if I can’t handle this.”

Hindi ko alam kung bakit palagi niya na lang binabasag ’yung puso ko sa mga salita niya.

Chapter 13

#COMM

Chapter 13

I lost count kung ilang beses akong napagalitan nung director during the shoot. My mind was somewhere else… on someone else. Even though I tried to tell myself na ayusin, I always ended up thinking about him.

And getting depressed.

Ganoon ba talaga niya kaayaw sa akin para magpalipat siya just to avoid me? That just… made me feel so undesirable. And unwanted.

“Thirty minutes break, everyone!” the assistant director said nang magwalkout iyong director. Mabilis na lumapit siya sa akin. “Girl, ayusin mo naman trabaho mo! Ikaw din papangit image mo na mahirap ka maka-trabaho,” mahinang sabi niya sa akin bago umalis.

I sighed and thank him for the concern. Tama naman siya. This was my work… I should not mess this up just because my personal feelings were messed up. This was my dream kahit nung wala pang Jasper na dumadating sa buhay ko… bakit ko hinahayaan na maapektuhan ’to?

Pumunta muna ako sa dressing room para magpahinga. I asked Nico to let me stay inside alone. Mukha yata talagang distracted ako dahil tahimik lang siyang pumayag… and Jasper’s nowhere in sight. He’s usually the one who’s near me tapos iyong tatlo ang nagbabantay sa area.

Ganoon yata talaga siyang ka-bothered na mapalapit sa akin.

Napa-tingin tuloy ako sa salamin. ‘Umayos ka nga, Maggie,’ I reminded myself. I stared myself for a few minutes, reminding myself that I worked so hard to get whatever I have right now… na patunayan iyong sarili ko kasi feeling ng ibang tao binibigay lang lahat sa akin. I didn’t need them believing their lies. Na makita nila na wala talaga akong kwenta kasi sobrang distracted ko.

I really needed to fix this. Hindi pwede na depende sa mood ni Jasper ang trabaho ko. God, why would I even let him be the center of my world?

I started fixing my makeup when my phone vibrated. It was Saint. Why was he calling?

“What?” I said as I answered the phone and put it on loudspeaker para makapagretouch pa rin ako ng makeup.

“Mama just called. She told me that we need to go to Madrid tonight.”

“What? As in tonight? Why?”

“Beats me. But maybe family gathering… be home at 5. We’ll be using Abuelo’s plane,” he said and then cut the call. Grabe. Pagdating sa mga family affair, wala talaga akong choice kasi required lahat… Ayoko naman na magalit sila Abuelo sa akin because they’re scary.

After that, bumalik na ako sa shooting and gave it my all. I did everything the director asked and more. I just needed this to work… and thankfully, my effort paid off. The director and the whole team seemed happy with my work kaya mas maaga kaming napaalis.

“Thank you,” I said to Nico nang abutan niya ako ng robe dahil naka-bikini top and denim cutoffs pa rin ako. Ang cute lang din kasi buong shoot sa mukha ko lang naka-tingin si Nico and Kellan—parang takot talaga sila na mapag-initan ng Sir nila…And speaking of, Jasper and Evan were nowhere in sight… which was probably a good thing since alam ko na malaki iyong chance na ma-out of focus na naman ako kapag nandyan siya.

He can disrupt my whole equilibrium with his mere presence. Nakakainis.

“Pwede ba na ikaw na lang or si Kellan ang kasama ko sa car pag-uwi natin?” I asked habang hinahatid nila ako pabalik sa dressing room. “And please, ’wag niyo akong tuksuhin ng LQ kasi hindi talaga.”

Nagka-tinginan sila.

“Kaming dalawa po dapat,” Kellan said.

“Bakit? Package-deal ba kayo? Kambal ba kayo?” I asked. Sobrang close kasi nilang dalawa kaya nagtataka lang ako if best friends ba sila or what.

“Hindi naman, Ma’am. Pero kasi dalawang kagaya namin ang katumbas ni Sir Jasper.”

I rolled my eyes. “Ano siya? Superhero?”

“Hindi naman, Ma’am, pero mas mataas kasi rank ni Sir Jasper at saka mas magaling talaga sa ’min ’yun. Kaya kung gusto mo na ’wag siya, dapat kaming dalawa ni Nico para sigurado,” Kellan explained.

I sighed at papayag na sana ako nung mukhang may gusto pang sabihin si Nico.

“What?” I asked him.

“Hindi po kami kambal,” sabi niya. Sa dami nung sinabi ni Kellan, dun pa siya hindi mapa-kali! Sobrang weird talaga nitong si Nico! Sundalo pero mas madalas parang batang paslit.

I changed into comfortable clothes at saka tinulungan ako nila Kellan na dalhin iyong mga gamit ko. Before going, I said goodbye and thanks to the whole crew. The girls were throwing curious glances at Kellan and the oblivious Nico. Cute naman kasi silang dalawa pero parang younger brothers kasi ang tingin ko sa kanila.

Nang papalabas na kami, nakita ko agad si Jasper na nakatayo sa labas ng sasakyan. I felt Nico and Kellan stiffen—they’re really scared of Jasper for some reason.

“Nico and Kellan will ride with me,” I said nang makalapit kami sa kanya.

He looked at me. I gave him my impassive face. What he said… it really hurt me. He’s willing to leave anytime, so why would I even bother? He just proved to me that he’s not worth it. Kaya bakit ako mag-aaksaya ng panahon sa kanya kung pinapamukha niya naman sa akin na ayaw niya. Hindi pa naman ganoon kababa iyong self-worth ko para ipagpilitan ko ’yung sarili ko sa kanya.

I waited for his response, but I got none. I took that as an opportunity to get inside. Nakita ko na kinausap muna ni Jasper sina Kellan at Nico. The two were very stiff and serious habang kausap nila ’yung Sir nila. Pagpasok nila, I didn’t even bother to ask kung ano ang pinag-usapan kahit obvious naman na tungkol sa akin. Jasper kept on glancing my way while they were talking.

Ito na kasi dapat. I should stop caring too much. Dapat saktong care lang.

I tried to close my eyes when the car started, but I could feel Nico and Kellan looking at each other through the rearview mirror. It felt like may gusto silang sabihin, but ayaw nila.

“What?” I asked, opening my eyes.

“Ma’am… ano…” Kellan began. I just looked at him. “Kami na raw ni Nico muna ’yung bantay sa ’yo.”

“Ano?”

“Si Sir Jasper sa proximity check muna kasama si Sir Evan,” he explained.

I tried to mask the disappointment. Why was I even surprised? Narinig ko naman na mismo sa kanya na he’d try to distance himself from me. This wasn’t even at all surprising. It just showed that he’s a man of his words. Baka nga umalis na lang talaga siya bigla, e.

He’s just making it easier for me to erase whatever crush I have for him. Hindi ko kailangan ng guy na walang backbone.

“Okay,” I just simply replied. They seemed surprised. “Anyway, I’ll be leaving for Madrid with my brothers. We’ll probably stay there for at least a week, so pwede kayong umuwi muna sa families niyo.”

Their faces lit up. Medyo gumaan iyong mood ko.

“I’ll try to extend my stay there para humaba iyong vacation niyo,” I kidded.

“Naku, Ma’am, hindi na po. Trabaho naman namin ’to,” Kellan said.

Nico smiled. “At saka baka ma-miss niyo si Sir Jasper.”

I sighed. “Wag niyo na kasi akong tuksuhin. May girlfriend si Jasper.”

Kumunot ’yung noo nilang dalawa. “Wala naman, Ma’am. Nag-iilusyon lang kayo. Baka ikaw sa future. Ayie,” sabi ni Nico.

Kung hindi lang sila sundalo at alam ko na mas malakas sila sa akin, babatukan ko talaga ’yung dalawa na ’to. Sobrang kulit!

“Seriously, may girlfriend yata si Jasper. And if wala naman, ganoon pa rin. Stop niyo na na tuksuhin ako, okay? Sana pagbalik ko from Madrid, stop na sa ganito. Hindi na fun,” I seriously said.

“Nag-away ba kayo, Ma’am?” Kellan asked.

I shook my head and smiled. “Natauhan lang ako.”

“Na?”

“Ayaw niya sa akin. Kaya bakit ko ipipilit ’yung sarili ko?”

“Ang lalim naman nun, Ma’am! Pero sige po, promise ’di na namin kayo tutuksuhin kay Sir pagbalik niyo,” Kellan said and Nico nodded. I smiled. Cute talaga ng dalawa na ’to.

They remained quiet hanggang sa makabalik kami sa bahay. Pagdating doon, mabilis akong umakyat sa kwarto ko para kumuha ng dadalhin ko sa Madrid. Hopefully, we’d stay for at least a week. I needed to sort things out… para okay na talaga ako pagbalik dito.

It took me only a few minutes to prepare everything. Pagbaba ko, naka-salubong ko si Jasper. His forehead was creased. What? Hindi niya alam na aalis ako? It’s his job to know everything about me.

“You’re going somewhere?”

I nodded. “Madrid. Don’t worry, I don’t need guards when I’m out of the country,” I said, looking straight into his eyes. ‘I don’t need you,’ was what I wanted to say.

His lips slightly parted, but he was quick to make his face stone cold again. It’s his talent, seriously.

“For how long?”

I shrugged. “A week? Who knows? Just treat this as a vacation,” sabi ko sa kanya. Baka gusto niyang puntahan si Helene or makipagdate kay Evan since ang possessive naman niya kay Jasper.

Ano ba ’yan. Bakit ganito ang thoughts ko?! This was turning me into something bad!

Jasper nodded after a few chilling seconds. “Okay,” he said. “I’ll drive you to the airport.”

I arched my brow. “I thought you’re my bodyguard, not my driver?”

His lips parted. Na parang hindi pa rin siya sanay na kahapon ko pa siya sinusungitan.

“Siob—”

“Ma’am. Call me Ma’am, Jasper,” I said… and breathed please. Every word that came out of my mouth took my everything. I must’ve been hallucinating to see pain cross his face. But he needed to hear this from me… I could see that he wanted to avoid me, to distance himself from me. I had no idea who that Helene was, but I never wanted to steal someone’s man. That’s a line I would never cross.

So, if this was what it would take to stop him from being confused, then I’d be the bigger person. Kasi hindi niya magawa. Kaya ako na lang.

I tried to smile. “You’re right. Let’s keep this strictly business,” I said before walking away from him.

Chapter 14

#COMM

Chapter 14

During the whole flight, I tried to just sleep, but unfortunately for me, sobrang ingay ng mga kapatid ko. Kung pwede lang siguro magbasketball dito sa plane, ginawa na nila… but maybe that was a good thing para hindi ko na rin maisip si Jasper.

“Are you sick? You’re really unusually quiet,” Psalm said.

“What? Isn’t this what you want? You always beg me not to nag you kaya,” i said and then frowned. Mas matanda ako sa kanya pero palagi niya akong tinatawag na nagger.

Psalm shrugged tapos nilipat niya na iyong focus niya kay Saint na mukhang nabagsakan ng heaven and earth. He’s usually the one who gets in trouble with Psalm. Si Austin and Cohen kasi ’yung reserved sa mga kapatid ko. But for some reasons, he’s awfully quiet today.

“You’re so screwed,” Psalm said, tapping Saint’s shoulder. “We’ll only be gone for a few days, brother. You act like you won’t see her for a year.”

Agad na tumaas ang kilay ko. “Her? Who’s her?” I asked incessantly. I was curious! Of course, I was always curious pagdating sa girls ng brothers ko! Ayoko maging pakielamera, but mataas ang standards ko para sa mga kapatid ko. They’re epal, but they’re still the best.

“Her name’s Mary Imogen and Saint’s crazy in love with her,” Psalm said and Austin and Cohen nodded in agreement.

“Shut up,” Saint said.

“Oh, my god! Introduce me naman! I promise I’ll behave!” sabi ko sa kanya. Ayaw pumayag ni Saint kaya naman kinulit ko siya nang kinulit hanggang sa makarating kami sa Madrid. He was cursing Psalm for telling me about this girl Mary Imogen. I frowned. Wala ba akong rights na malaman iyong tungkol sa love life niya? He’d see! Bigla na lang ako’ng pupunta sa school nila para ma-meet ko ’yang girl na ’yan!

Hanggang makarating kami sa ancestral house, hindi pa rin pumapayag si Saint.

“Please naman! Introduce me!” I begged him. I was so curious. I was dying with curiosity! Who’s this girl who managed to snap Saint away from his beloved basketball? “It’s so unfair! Kilala siya nila Psalm, pero ako hindi! Kapatid mo rin ako!”

Maybe I shouted too loud Mom asked Saint who Mary is… Patay na.

---

We’re all hanging out by the porch while Saint was being questioned by our parents and basically all our relatives based here in Madrid. Hirap talaga magka-lovelife sa family na ’to. You’d need everyone’s validation. Grabe rin when I dated Aidan. We had to go through Abuelo’s test bago kami pinayagan na magdate—to think na Aidan’s basically at the same level as us.

“Pinahamak mo si Saint,” I told Psalm.

“You were the one with the loud mouth,” he replied. “But don’t worry, everyone will approve. Mary’s awesome.”

“Really?”

My three brothers nodded in unison. “Saint hit the jackpot with this one,” Austin replied… and I believed him. Minsan lang kasi magsalita ’yan pero totoo.

Mas lalo lang tuloy akong na-curious sa Mary na ’to.

---

Dad and the other guys went and attend a formal function. Mom was with Saint… looking for the gift for Mary. Me? I pretended to be sick kaya nagpa-iwan ako sa bahay. I just wanted to sleep and rest.

While I was trying to sleep, my phone vibrated.

‘Ma’am,’ the Viber text said.

‘Nico?’ I replied. Siya lang naman tumatawag.

‘Kellan, Ma’am. Nakakatampo naman kayo.’

Bigla akong natawa. I got my phone tapos sumandal ako sa headboard nung bed.

‘What’s up? And where did you get my number?’

‘Hinihingi ko po kay Sir Jasper. Ayaw ibigay kaya kinuha ko na lang nung naiwan niya phone niya hehe.’

‘E bakit mo kinuha number ko?’

’Baka kasi curious ka, Ma’am… Dahil loyal din naman ako sa ‘yo kasi boss din kita.’

’No, I’m not curious kung anuman ‘yung nangyari. Don’t inform me na lang okay?’

‘Okay, Ma’am, sabi mo e. Basta wag kang magtetext sakin pag nacurious ka kung bakit ganun mukha ni Sir pagbalik mo.’

It felt like my curiosity spike dahil sa huling text ni Kellan, but I willed myself not to get curious too much. Instead, I stood up and changed. Madrid’s a beautiful place. I’d rather roam around than to drown myself in unwanted thoughts.

My forehead creased when I saw Aidan outside my door. It looked like he was about to knock.

“…why are you here?” I asked.

He smiled. “Hi.”

“You’re seriously bordering on being stalker-ish, Aidan.”

He just continuously smiled and scratched his nape. “We’re here for some event. I saw your dad and he said that you’re here, too… so, here I am.”

I wrinkled my nose. “Okay. But I’m going somewhere,” sabi ko sa kanya.

“Can I come?” he asked.

I shook my head. “I’m not your girlfriend anymore. Stop being this pesky,” I told him straight up. Ako nga nagawa kong magback-off nung maramdaman ko na ayaw sa akin ni Jasper, e. Why couldn’t Aidan do the same? It’s just a matter of respect… if you’re mature enough to respect someone’s decision of not wanting you in his/her life.

Aidan sighed. “Alright…” he replied, looking like a lost puppy. God, I hated him.

“Fine, but please don’t ever talk about us getting back together. I can’t be with you anymore. I don’t even trust you,” I told him, looking straight into his eyes. My heart throbbed a little when I saw how I pained him with my words.

I really couldn’t understand him. Bakit para pa siyang nasasaktan e siya naman ’yung nanloko sa akin? I was even gracious enough not to tell both sides of the family for his sake!

Aidan nodded and I sighed. Sabay kaming lumabas, and to my delight, no one saw us. I just didn’t know how to handle questions if ever any of my relatives saw us. They approved Aidan for me kasi he’s what they wanted for me… or for any of the Gomez de Liano-de Marco to be with.

“So… where are you going?”

“I thought you’re going with me?” I asked.

He nodded while walking with me. “Yeah, but I basically don’t have the rights to tell you where to go since you hate me,” he said, trying to sound pitiful.

I frowned. “You don’t get to do that to me, Aidan. You were the one who ended it.”

I saw him clenching his jaw, but he tried his best to pacify himself. “Alright. I’m sorry.”

After that, we just quietly walked. It was a good day to walk the streets of Madrid. I was salivating at the sight of food, but I had to remind myself that I shouldn’t eat too much because my manager reminded me that if I gain weight, it’d be hard to find a modeling stint.

Napa-hinto ako. God. Why did I even bother going out e alam ko naman na magugutom lang talaga ako?

“Wanna eat?” Aidan asked when he saw me almost crying while looking at my favorite local resto.

I slowly shook my head. “I can’t…”

“What? You can’t?”

I nodded. “Diet. Model, remember?”

“A plate of food won’t hurt you, Maggie,” he said.

I shook my head, trying to fight the temptation. Damn you, Madrid and your delicious cuisine! “No. I really can’t. My manager will kill me.”

“You’re still beautiful even if you gain a little pound,” he said. I still shook my head. I needed to be stronger than my cravings. “I’ll help you burn the calories. We’ll jog tomorrow morning, if you want.”

Kinunutan ko siya ng noo. “So, you’ll still show your face to me tomorrow?”

“That’s the plan,” he replied.

I rolled my eyes at him. “You’re so pesky.”

“What can I say? I still want you in my life even if you’re constantly scowling at me,” he said with a smile. Annoying.

In the end, we went inside the resto and ate. And Aidan being Aidan, he ordered lots of food!

“You really want me to get fired!” I told him after he ordered basically the entire menu.

“What? I won’t do that to you, Maggie. This is also my favorite restaurant, remember?” he asked and I nodded. Pahiya ako ’dun, kainis.

The food took time serving, but that was totally fine kasi worth it naman. During the waiting game, nag-usap muna kami ni Aidan. It had been a while since I ran from him… I kinda missed our friends.

“Let’s visit Paris,” he said.

“I have work in the Philippines,” I replied, a bit sad.

“Even for just a day or two? Our friends miss you,” he said.

Ganoon naman talaga kapag break-up, ’di ba? Lalo na kapag nasa iisang circle of friends kayo… may isa talaga na mawawala lalo na kapag hindi amicable iyong break-up. And in our situation, I chose to run away. Masakit kasi. I couldn’t even say his name during the first months na naghiwalay kami.

“I’ll think about it,” sabi ko na lang. Thankfully, the food arrived shortly. Hindi pa rin kasi ako comfortable to talk about the break-up… about Ashley. I focused on the food instead hanggang sa mapansin ko that Aidan was watching me.

With a piece of Huevos Rotos dangling from my mouth, I asked him, “What?”

Umiling lang siya while giving out a small smile. “Nothing. Just eat, Maggie.”

I was freaking full after I finished half the order. Naglalakad lang kami, watching the people.

“Aidan, look! The Saxophone guy!” I excitedly said.

Aidan’s face lit up. “Oh, yeah. He’s still here?”

I pulled him para makalapit kami. The guy was still playing on the streets, good for him! Some people were listening to him play some sexy songs habang nakatayo lang kami from afar, doing the same.

“Time flies fast,” he uttered.

“Yeah… It’s been what? Three years?”

We were friends for as long as I could possibly remember. It was hard to transition from being friends to lovers… but somehow, we managed. I could still clearly remember when Aidan followed me here in Madrid during one of the vacations. I thought he was just visiting someone, pero pumunta pala siya dito to ask for my family’s permission to court me. And I really appreciated what he did. I appreciated that he respected that my family’s opinion is important. Kaya kahit na hindi naman siya sanay manligaw because it’s not a part of the culture he grew up in, ginawa niya pa rin for me.

Sayang lang talaga.

Nagloko kasi siya.

As the music serenaded us, I began talking. It felt right. To talk about us. Right here. Because it was the same guy who played the same music that we danced to when I finally agreed to be his girlfriend.

“I swear, at one point, I believed it was you and me until the end,” I whispered.

Break-ups are sad… but breaking up with your best friend was the worst thing. Because when I broke up with Aidan, I didn’t only lose my boyfriend… but also my best friend.

“I just can’t understand until now why you threw away what we had for sex,” I continued even though my chest was beginning to constrict. “I really thought we were great together, Aidan… I thought what we had was strong… Too bad I didn’t see that sex was the thing that could break us up.”

And as the song ended, I looked at him, tears threatening to fall from my eyes because until now, it still hurt. Looking at him hurt. Because whenever I looked at him, I saw what I could’ve had.

“I’m so sorry that you weren’t enough strong for us,” I told him.

I wanted to turn my back and walk away before my tears fall. But even before I could take a step away from him, he held my hand and hugged me from behind.

“I’m so sorry, Maggie. But nothing happened. Please believe me,” he said and then he began to cry. For the first time in my life, Aidan cried.

Chapter 15

#COMM

Chapter 15

My mind was clouded with Aidan’s words. I wanted to believe him… but my mind wouldn’t let me. Every time I would look at him, I could perfectly picture that scene. It was so vivid… too vivid.

I thought it was just an ordinary day. I was too excited to see him after going on a two-week vacation with my family. I got all kinds of stories for him. And then… I saw him in bed. Naked. With Ashley.

I was stunned. My instinct told me to run away… and so I did. I exhausted everything just to hide from him. I couldn’t address the situation. It was too painful for me. They were two of the people closest to me… tapos gagawin nila ’yun sa akin? I felt so betrayed.

“I’m sorry,” I said after I listened to his explanation. I wanted to believe him… but the scar was still there. I didn’t think words would suffice to make me feel better.

“Margarette,” he called me.

Slowly, I shook my head. “I… can’t believe you. I’m sorry, Aidan.”

I tried to get away from him, but he held my hand. Sinubukan ko na alisin iyong kamay niya, but his grip just tightened.

“Maggie, please. Don’t be unfair. I didn’t do anything, yet somehow, I lost everything,” he said, trying to drown me with his stares. I just didn’t buy his explanation. Na tinulungan lang niya si Ashley dahil lasing tapos… paggising niya magkatabi na sila?

Was I that stupid? Couldn’t he at least craft a better explanation? Iyong mas believable sana.

Umiling ako.

I just couldn’t.

Even with his tears, his explanation… I was just done with him. I couldn’t be with him anymore.

“I’m sorry,” I repeated… because at the moment, that was all that I could offer. Sinubukan ko ulit na umalis pero niyakap niya lang ako. Hindi ako makagalaw. I could feel his tears. I could feel him slightly shaking. I was making him cry.

Yet I couldn’t do anything.

I couldn’t give him what he wanted.

“Maggie, please…” he begged. “I already told you everything. Why can’t you just please come back to me? I didn’t do anything to hurt you…”

“Aidan, I… can’t be with you again.”

Lumuwag iyong hawak niya.

“Why? Is there someone else?”

Natigilan ako. Was there someone else? Wala naman. I didn’t have anyone with me… yet it didn’t feel right to get back with him just because I didn’t have anyone. I still have myself. And my family. I didn’t feel the need to have someone just to feel complete.

“Is it that Jasper?” he asked, loosening his hold.

“No,” I replied.

“Then why?”

I removed his hold from me and faced him. “I can only offer friendship, Aidan. That’s all. I just can’t be with someone I can’t trust—”

“Maggie, please! I never broke your trust—”

“That’s not the point, Aidan. You can’t control how I think. How I feel. Every time I see you, it’s her I see. Even seeing you hurts me. I don’t trust you anymore!” I told him. “If you can’t accept friendship, then I have nothing to give you.”

Hurt spread across his face. His jaw clenched.

“Okay,” he replied after a few seconds of silence. “Friendship? I’ll take that.”

But his words… I felt like it wasn’t only friendship he was up to.

---

After the family affair and all the events we needed to attend, it was finally time to come home—although Saint went home first because of some stupid reason. We all knew naman that he just wanted to come home to see someone. That guy. Nagkaroon lang ng lovelife, kinalumutan na kaming kapatid niya. Nakakatampo.

I was already packing my things when Mom came inside.

“Saw Aidan last night. Are you two okay?” she asked.

I nodded. “Of course, Mom. Why?”

She shrugged. “He mentioned that he’s going to Paris to visit some of your friends. Why don’t you join him?”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Did Aidan ask you to ask me?”

Mom laughed. “What? No. You know I’d never meddle in your affairs. I trust your judgment,” she explained. “I just thought it will be a nice vacation for you since you’re working hard. And, you might enjoy seeing your friends. It’s been a while, don’t you think?”

So… Aidan didn’t put Mom into this? And he genuinely accepted that we could only be friends?

“I’ll think about it,” I replied.

“Think fast. We’ll be leaving in a few hours,” she said and then left me.

After Mom left, I continued packing my stuff. I missed the Philippines already—even the crazy weather. While I was packing, my phone vibrated. I saw Kellan’s number. He was texting and I was in no mood to type, so I called him instead.

“Ma’am!” masayang sabi niya. “Wait, loudspeaker ko lang kasi nagseselos daw si Nico ako lang ka-text mo,” sabi niya. Napa-iling ako. Parang bata talaga. “Ayan, okay na, Ma’am.”

“What’s up? Why did you text? If it’s about ano na naman, ha…” I warned them. The whole week passed that I didn’t even think about him that much kasi occupied ako sa mga sinabi ni Aidan. It was a small victory on my part. Hirap kayang magmove on… lalo na kapag wala naman talagang kayo.

“Nako, Ma’am, hindi po. Tatanong lang namin kung uuwi na kayo kasi umuwi na si Sir Saint,” sabi ni Kellan.

“Ma’am, pasalubong,” singit ni Nico.

“Ako rin pala, Ma’am,” sabi naman ni Kellan.

I laughed. They’re really a breath of fresh air. “Sure, sure. I’ll buy something for the two of you,” I replied.

“Ay, Ma’am, bilhan niyo na rin ’yung dalawa! Baka isipin nila favorite niyo kami kahit totoo naman,” Kellan said.

“Fine,” I huffed. “But I’m not sure if uuwi na ako…” I replied. I was beginning to consider Mom’s suggestion. I missed Paris… and Aidan seemed to be okay with my decision. And the last time I checked, wala naman si Ashley doon. At saka namimiss ko na rin friends ko dun.

“Ma’am, iniiwasan niyo po ba si Sir Jasper? May balak pa ba kayong umuwi?” Nico innocently asked.

“Ma’am, uwi kayo. Kayo lang masayang bantayan! Baka ilipat ako sa kapatid niyo!” worried na sabi ni Kellan. Natawa naman ako.

I explained to them na baka dumaan muna ako sa Paris for a few days. Definitely babalik naman ako sa Pilipinas kasi dun based ’yung work ko. Wala naman akong schedule, so maybe I’d take this opportunity to unwind.

“Ma’am, malapit ng maging biceps na tinubuan ng tao si Sir Jas—”

“Who are you talking to?” Jasper’s voice said.

Gosh, heart. Stay still.

“Nanay ni Nico, Sir!” Kellan said in his voice whenever he’s talk to Evan and Jasper. “Nagtatanong kung kelan sweldo, Sir!”

Napaawang labi ko. Seriously?

“Alright,” Jasper said. “Siobhan will arrive tomorrow. I need you to stop slacking.”

“Sir, baka raw next week na umuwi si Ma’am. Dadaan pa raw ng Paris kasama ’yung ex… na baka present na pagbalik dito sa Pinas.”

My lips parted. Kellan did not just say that in front of Jasper! Oh, my God! They’re driving me crazy!

“What? Where did you hear that?” Jasper said, his voice slightly rising. I held my hand on top of my heart. I needed to stay still. I needed to not be excited about this.

“Chismis lang po… pero baka totoo,” Kellan said.

“Tawagan niyo na lang po si Ma’am Maggie. May number naman kayo. Hehe,” Nico added.

Gosh. They’re crazy! I told them to stop, pero ayaw nilang tumigil!

I didn’t hear anything after that.

“Bye, Ma’am. Baka tumawag si Sir tapos maging line busy kasi kausap niyo kami. Hehe. Bye and good luck, Ma’am!” Kellan said before ending the call. They just did not!

Nanatili na naka-awang iyong labi ko nang babaan nila ako ng tawag. I was staring at my phone like an idiot… I didn’t even have Jasper’s number. He had mine… but I didn’t have his because I never found the need to have his number. He’s always around me, kaya bakit ko hihingin ’yung number niya?

But this stupid part of me got excited. Nakaka-inis.

I began to harshly threw my clothes inside my bag.

“Oh, shut up, Maggie. Just get your ass to Paris. You need another week to calm yourself down,” I berated myself. “It was just his voice, kilig ka na agad? Paano pa if you see him again? Gosh, sobrang marupok, Maggie. Hindi ka pinalaki ng ganyan.”

Jasper officially turned me into a crazy woman.

As I was in the middle of packing like some deranged woman, my phone vibrated. Then my heart raced.

Gosh. This was so, so bad.

Unknown number: When are you coming home?

My hands were slightly trembling as I reached for my phone.

Me: Who’s this?

I bit my lip, and then quickly saved his number into Dull Boy tapos may sparkles sa gilid para cute.

Dull Boy: Jasper

Me: Jasper? I know lots of Jasper.

I swore, I could almost see him sighing because I was being hard on him.

Dull Boy: First Lieutenant Jasper Alexander Ybañez, Ma’am.

Ang gwapo ng pangalan pati rank. Nakaka-inis. Why was I this weak?

Me: Aaaaaaah. So, why did you text?

Dull Boy: Are you going home as scheduled, Ma’am?

Me: Not sure.

Dull Boy: Can you be certain, Ma’am?

Me: Hindi e. I’m thinking of swinging by sa Paris for a week.

Tapos hindi na nagreply! Kainis! Para tuloy akong puppy na inagawa ng chew toy. I continued packing my things na lang dahil feeling ko talaga sa Paris na ako didiretso, e. I’d just stuff myself with macaron to feel good again. I’d just jog to death pag-uwi ko.

When I was done and booking flight online, my phone vibrated again. It was Kellan. I didn’t even bother to open his message. I just wouldn’t participate in Jasper’s push and pull game. I had my own life pa rin. Until he couldn’t decide on what he really wanted, I’d live my life.

When I finished booking my ticket, lumabas na ako at saka nagpa-drive papunta sa airport. I turned my phone off because seriously, I needed an alone time. I was going to Paris and I couldn’t have Jasper confuse me with his mind games.

While waiting for boarding, I sighed and opened my phone. Kainis.

Kellan: Ma’am, nagpupush up na naman! Ginalit niyo na naman :( Patay kami ni Nico :(

Chapter 16

#COMM

Chapter 16

“So… will I see you again?” Aidan asked.

I shrugged. “Why?”

“Come on. I thought we’re finally fine? We had a great time, right?”

I frowned at him. “You basically shadowed me the entire time, Aidan. That’s bordering on you being my stalker.”

He laughed and then slightly shook his head. “I’ll just see you tomorrow, then. Your guards don’t seem to like me,” he whispered at napa-tingin naman ako kina Nico at Kellan na nakatayo sa likod ko.

And true enough, naka-kunot iyong noo nung kambal.

When Aidan left, I finally faced Nico and Kellan. I was expecting them to be all smiles. Almost one month kaya ako na nawala! One week in Madrid, a week in Paris, then side trip in Norway then back to Paris.

“Ano’ng meron sa inyo?” I asked them when they remained silent and just stared at me. “Here’s your pasalubong,” I continued and then handed them the paper bags. Nahirapan kaya ako! Hand carry from Paris to Manila! Kung hindi lang sila cute, hindi ako mag-e-effort na dalhin ’yun.

“Thank you, Ma’am,” seryoso na sabi ni Kellan.

“Hala. Ano’ng meron? Why are you two serious?”

Nico sighed. “Hindi, Ma’am… Pagod lang kami.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Pagod? E ’di ba vacation mode kayo since I was gone for 3 weeks?” I asked. I remembered specifically giving them instructions to just go home for the mean time. I mean, I know naman na sobrang demanding ng job nila. They had to be around me 24/7… Kahit nga si Evan Sungit, alam ko na deserve niya rin magkaroon ng break. I mean, he has a wife. Syempre he should spend time with his wife.

“Hindi kaya, Ma’am! Sabi sa inyo pag-iinitan kami ni Sir, e!” Kellan whined. Yeah, that’s more like him. Medyo kinabahan ako when he was all serious! Akala ko something bad happened while I was away! Buti naman he’s kinda back to his normal self.

My forehead creased. “What did I do again? Wala akong ginagawa sa Sir niyo!” I defended myself. Two weeks kaya na wala akong phone! I mean, I had lots of photos to post sa IG, but I stopped myself. Knowing Kellan and Nico kasi, malamang kung ano na naman ang itetext nila sa akin.

Sobrang confusing kaya pagdating kay Jasper.

I made a deal with myself din. Hanggang hindi ko mismo naririnig sa bibig niya mismo na he likes me, I would try my bestest not to assume. Ang hirap din kasi na nag-assume lang ako based sa reaction niya sa mga ginagawa ko. Idagdag mo pa ’yang si Nico at Kellan na malalaking paasa.

Sobrang confusing lang talaga niyang si First Lieutenant!

Kellan just sighed. “Wala akong energy mag-explain, Ma’am,” sabi niya tapos tinulungan ako sa dala ko na gamit. He really looked beaten, so I just let him be. But seriously, I was really curious kung ano ba ang ginawa nila at mukha silang pagod na pagod.

When we got in the car, I wanted to ask where’s Jasper, pero I decided against it. I pretended to sleep na lang habang nasa byahe ako. And since it was traffic, as per usual, after a few minutes of pretending to sleep, narinig ko na mahinang nag-uusap iyong dalawa. I even pretended to snore para hindi sila magduda that I was evesdropping!

Hello! Almost one-month kaya ako na nawala! I wouldn’t believe na walang nangyaring interesting while I was away!

“Ano gagawin natin mamaya?” Kellan asked.

“Hindi ko alam. Kinakabahan din ako,” Nico replied. Bakit naman sila kakabahan?

“Kasi naman si Sir, sobrang pakipot. Ayan naka-hanap ng foreigner na katapat.”

“Patay na naman tayo,” Nico replied, sighing. “Pagod na ako, Kellan. Pakiramdam ko bumalik tayo sa PMA.”

I heard Kellan sighing, too. Ang bigat lang ng buntong-hininga niya! What really happened while I was away ba?!

“Malapit na hindi magkasya ’yung mga t-shirt ko dahil sa kaka-pa push-up ni Sir sa atin. Wala pa naman akong pambili. Hiningi ni Mama lahat ng sweldo ko…” Nico said, sighing again.

Hala. I felt bad. Kasalanan ko ba? I was just taking a vacation naman! Hindi ko alam na ganito pala ang nangyayari sa kanila! At ano ba ang naisip ni Jasper at sila Nico ang pinagdiskitahan niya?

“Okay lang ’yan. Nandito na ulit si Ma’am. Kakalma na siguro si Sir,” Kellan said.

Hanggang makarating kami sa bahay, I pretended to be asleep kahit sa totoo lang, they almost killed me with curiosity! I wanted to shake their shoulders and make them tell me what the freak happened! But maybe fault ko rin naman? Kasi I basically cut communications, e. I just didn’t want Jasper confusing me! He’s a grown man! He should be able to tell himself what he really wants, hindi ’yung push and pull siya.

“Ah… sige, I’ll rest na muna. Tomorrow pa naman start ulit ng work ko,” I said and then excused myself. I wanted them to rest din muna kasi mukha talagang magcocollapse na silang dalawa sa sobrang pagod.

Pagpasok ko, dumiretso ako sa kitchen. I asked Manang to prepare food for the protection squad. I was just really worried because if it’s true na pinagpupush-up sila ni Jasper to the point na hindi na magkasya iyong shirts ni Nico, grabe naman!

I went to my room to rest. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, but as annoying as it may be, hindi ako maka-tulog! I sat on my bed and then sighed.

“So… nothing changed naman,” I told myself. “You’re still you… and he’s still a dull boy. You still shouldn’t push yourself towards him hanggang walang verbal confirmation of what’s really happening,” I reaffirmed. “Wag kang magpapadala sa mga sinasabi nila Kellan and Nico. They’re paasa.”

And repeat until I fell asleep.

---

I woke up five hours later and it was already 8pm. Yawning, I made my way down and asked the maids bakit wala kahit sino sa fam. Apparently, may function pala sa Malacañang and I was left kasi tired pa raw ako sa flight.

“Kumain na ba sila Kellan, Manang?” I asked.

“Ay, hindi pa po.”

I frowned. “Hala, Manang, I told you na kaya na feed them on time,” sabi ko. I know naman na work nila na pakainin kami pero kawawa naman sila Kellan! Kailangan din kaya nila kumain!

“E, Ma’am… nagjojogging, e. Mamaya pa pagbalik magsisikain iyong mga ‘yun.’

Kumunot ang noo ko. “They’re jogging?”

Manang nodded. “Opo. E halos isang buwan kayo na wala kaya laging nagjojogging at exercise ang mga iyon. Ke-lalaki na lalo ng katawan lalo na iyong si Jasper.”

Hala. Totoo na kaya iyong sinabi ni Kellan? Mukha na ba talagang biceps na tinubuan ng tao si Jasper?

I was tempted to actually fish for information pero biglang narinig ko iyong boses ni Kellan from outside. Ang lakas kasi ng boses niya. Like he’s always joining a rally.

“Ay, ayan na pala sila. Paki-sabi na dadalhin ko na iyong pagkain nila.”

“Dito na lang sila kumain,” I suggested. Wala naman buong family, e. At saka hassle pa if dadalhin pa sa guest house ’yung food.

“Oh, sige. Patawag na lang sila,” Manang said. After that, I took a deep breath. Gosh. After almost a month, I’d see Jasper again? Ready ba ako? Bakit ang arte ko?

Slowly, I made my way outside. Napaawang ang labi ko nang makita ko sila. Nico and Kellan were dripping in sweat—and they looked like they’re going to die—habang si Evan at Jasper, parang wala lang. Hindi pa nila pansin na naka-tingin ako sa kanila.

“Routine again tomorrow. What time will Siobhan leave?” Jasper asked Evan.

My heart began its abnormal beating. Again. Why was he calling me Siobhan?!

“9am,” I replied. Napa-tingin silang lahat sa akin. Jasper’s face had this unexplainable expression upon seeing me. I bit my tongue and willed myself to act as normal as I possibly could.

They’re all looking at me that it made me feel weird. It felt like I’d been gone for a year by the way they’re acting.

“Uh… hi?” sabi ko kasi hindi ko alam sasabihin! Ni hindi man lang ako matulungan nila Nico kasi mukha na talaga silang mamamatay anytime! Grabe, ano kaya ang pinagawa sa kanila ni Jasper para mapagod sila ng ganito?

I waited for Jasper to say anything, but all he did was stare at me.

“Uhm… let’s go inside. Kain na raw kayo,” sabi ko sa kanila. Tumalikod ako and began to walk, but even then, I still felt Jasper’s stares. Grabe, may power kahit stares lang ni First Lieutenant!

I placed my hand on top of my chest. “Ang landi, Maggie,” I whispered to myself and kept on walking hanggang sa makarating kami sa dining area. Marami akong pinaluto kay Manang nung narinig ko kung ano ang pinapagawa ni Jasper sa kanila. Dahil nga feeler ako, I’d take responsibility na ako ’yung dahilan why he’s being like this.

“Slow down naman,” I said when Nico and Kellan began to devour the food. They didn’t listen to me at diretso lang sila sa pagkain. I poured them a glass of water kasi baka talaga ma-choke sila sa bilis ng pagkain nila.

“I thought I said na vacation habang wala ako?” I asked Jasper kasi feeling tapang-tapangan ako in front of him. I was gone for three weeks, no! Kunwari moved on na ako.

“You never confirmed that you’ll be gone for that long, Ma’am,” Jasper replied. Monotonous. Like I’d be surprised.

“Ikaw kaya ’yung hindi nagreply,” sagot ko sa kanya. Usually kaya ako ’yung hindi nagrereply! Naunahan ako ni Jasper ’dun!

“Wala ka rin kasing matinong sagot,” sabi niya kaya napaawang talaga ’yung labi ko. He spoke in Tagalog again! And how dare he say that to me! Siya kaya ’yung paasa sa aming dalawa! And ako ’yung umaasa!

He, then, reached for the utensils and began to eat. Hindi ako makagalaw because of shock.

“Ma’am, paabot nga nung ribs,” sabi ni Nico. Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin pero focused talaga silang dalawa ni Kellan sa pagkain. I saw Evan who was ignoring me. Tss. Why was he even working for me if he hated my guts that much? Which I found so unfair kasi wala naman talaga akong ginagawa sa kanya.

I was about to begin to eat, but my phone vibrated. It was Aidan.

Hindi ko alam bakit ako kinabahan nung nakita ko na naka-tingin si Jasper!

“I’ll take this call,” I said and then stood up. But truth was, I just needed to get away from him and his stares. Ang bigat sa pakiramdam. Parang sumisikip ’yung dibdib ko.

As I began to walk away, I could still hear them talking.

“You done?” Evan asked.

“I lost appetite,” Jasper replied.

“Jasper—”

“I know. But let me deal with this my own way,” Jasper replied and that made my heart beat even faster.

Chapter 17

#COMM

Chapter 17

After that ‘weird’ walkout from Jasper, he just got weirder! Or maybe it was me who got weirder kasi parang every move niya, inaanalyze ko na talaga? Ewan! Nakakainis naman kasi siya kasi super obvious na bothered siya kung anuman ’yung problem na tinatago niya! Ni hindi na siya nag-e-effort para ipakita sa akin na okay siya, unlike before na super sabi pa siya na ’wag ko siyang lapitan.

Gulu-gulo talaga ni First Lieutenant.

“Kayo na talaga assigned sa akin?” I asked Kellan who was sitting beside me.

He nodded. “Yes, Ma’am. Kagabi lang po sinabi ni Sir na kami na raw ni Nico.”

“Ah…” I replied, although what I badly wanted to ask was why. Kasi ’di ba he was supposed to sort his issues out while I was away? I gave him three weeks to think about whatever was bothering him, tapos pagbalik ko parang mas lumala lang?

“Ayaw niyo talaga malaman, Ma’am, kung ano ’yung nangyari nung wala ka?” Kellan asked maliciously. Ayan na naman ’yung grin niya!

“Nope,” I quickly replied. “At saka ’wag na nga kasi kayong issue. Kaya kayo pinag-iinitan ng Sir niyo, e.”

“E hindi naman dahil ’dun, e…” he said with palpable malice. “Di ba, Nico? Iba problema ni Sir?” he asked and then shared a look with Nico at the rearview mirror.

“Hindi nga ako ’yung problem!” I said out of frustration dahil sa totoo lang, heightened ’yung anxiety ko dahil sa dalawa na ’to! Lakas nilang makadagdag sa tension!

Kaya siguro ang bilis mag-upgrade nung crush ko into something. Lakas kasi ng influence ng twins na ’to. ’Yung ayie pa lang nila, ang grabe na, e!

“Pustahan, Ma’am? Pambili lang ng t-shirt,” sabi ni Kellan. Sobrang gambler talaga. Ayaw gayahin si Nico na binibigay sa mom ’yung sweldo.

Hanggang sa makarating kami sa venue nung gig ko, sobrang ayaw nila akong tigilan ni Nico. Ang sakit lang nila talaga sa ulo! Bigla ko tuloy na-miss si Jasper kasi kapag siya ’yung kasama, ako ’yung nag-e-effort na magkaroon naman ng kahit konting ingay sa car.

The assistant briefed me about the work for the entire day. Good thing buong araw ’yung commitment para busy ako. Bago ’yung model na ka-work ko. Good thing it wasn’t Rafa anymore kasi super awkward lang talaga when he’s trying to flirt with me.

“Baka maging super busy kasi bago ’yung director, so hindi ko pa sure if he’ll be lenient or what. Basta kumain kayo on time, ha!” bilin ko sa kanila. Sobrang crazy kasi. Kung hindi ko pa ipapaalala na tao sila na kailangang kumain, hindi talaga sila kakain!

“Yes, Ma’am, papakainin namin si Sir Jasper,” Kellan replied.

I rolled my eyes at him. “Sobrang epal mo.” Nico nodded in agreement—na parang masaya siya na finally, hindi na lang siya ang kinakawawa.

“Hindi, Ma’am, supportive lang po,” Kellan said and then grinned. Napailing na lang ako. There’s really no winning an argument with this guy. Palagi na lang siyang may pinaglalaban!

Dumiretso na ako sa dressing room for my makeup. Pinanindigan na yata talaga ni Jasper iyong pagiging away guard niya dahil hindi ko siya nakita buong morning. Though very aware naman ako na nasa paligid ko lang siya kasi palagi namang pinapaalala ni Kellan at Nico! Para silang redundant na reminder sa phone, grabe lang talaga.

Paglabas ko ng dressing room para dumiretso sa shooting area, napahinto ako dahil naka-salubong ko si Jasper. His brows were knitted na parang he’s so deep in thoughts! Ni hindi nga yata niya alam na nasa harap niya na ako.

“Okay ka lang?” I asked because he looked really bothered. It’s been three days since I arrived pero parang lumalala lang ’yung problem niya.

“Yeah,” he replied with his deep voice. It’s so unlike Jasper. He’s usually the snarky one… pero ngayon? Parang sobrang problematic niya lang na hindi niya na magawang magsungit. Sobrang nakaka-panibago na nakaka-worry.

“Okay, sige…” sabi ko. I still knew where I stood kaya naman hindi ko siya tatanungin kahit na gustung-gusto kong malaman kung ano ang problema niya. I gave him a small smile before I began to walk away.

“Ma’am—” he said. Napahinto ako.

I turned around and faced him. “Just call me Maggie,” I told him. I didn’t like being like this with him—iyong pagtawag niya sa akin ng Ma’am. It felt too serious… like we weren’t even remotely close before. Super feelingera ko na, pero alam ko naman na kahit once man lang, nagkaroon kami ng moment ni Jasper.

But I also didn’t want him to call me Siobhan.

I didn’t want him to be different from everybody else.

“Just call me Maggie like everyone else,” I added.

And even though it was just for a fraction of second, I saw his jaw clenching. I willed myself to just ignore it. Kasi ’di ba ako na naman ang mahihirapan kapag binigyan ko na naman ng meaning iyong simpleng bagay na ’yun? Kasi kahit naman ganito, kilala ko si Jasper. I knew there’s a reason why he’s acting this way.

And I trust him enough to know that he knows there’s a limit to which I could wait.

“We can be friends naman, right? Like kami nila Kellan. I treat them as friends,” I said while trying to look at him and smile. But it was hard to lalo na kapag ganyan siyang tumingin. Like I was deliberately hurting him by offering him friendship. Pero ano ba ang pwede ko pang ibigay? He was the one who said that he’d leave.

At sobrang tanga ko lang kasi mas gusto ko na maging magkaibigan na lang kami kaysa naman umalis siya.

“I’ll be nice, don’t worry. I won’t even bother you like before,” I continued, trying to keep up the smiling face. Para hindi niya malaman kung gaano kalakas ang kabog ng dibdib ko habang sinasabi ko ’to sa harap niya.

I stared at him—freaking smiling even though all I wanted was to sigh—and waited for his response.

“Ayaw mo bang maging friends?”

He didn’t say a word.

God, stop staring!

“M-masaya akong maging friend,” I said, barely managing to finish my sentence with the way he’s trying to melt me with his eyes. What Jasper lacked in talking, he made up with the intensity of his stares.

“H-hindi mo ba nagustuhan ’yung pasalubong ko?”

“Gusto,” he said, not breaking eye-contact. “Gustung-gusto.”

Oh, Lord!

Feeling ko biglang natuyo ’yung lalamunan ko.

“A-ah…” iyon lang ang nasabi ko dahil hindi na talaga ako makapag-isip! I wanted to blind his eyes kasi grabe siya tumingin! Grabe na talaga si First Lieutenant! Nag-evolve na siya from being a dull boy to intense boy!

I knew I needed to say something to fill the silence, but I just couldn’t think of anything! His stares rendered me speechless! God, this man knew how to freaking stare! Wala pang words ’to, pero drowned na drowned na talaga ako!

“Ms. Gomez de Liaño, shoot na raw in 3 minutes!” sigaw nung production assistant. That was my cue to stop staring back at Jasper. God, that was probably one of the most intense minutes of my life! Titig lang, pero biglang ang lambot na ng knees ko!

“S-sige, alis na ako,” I said and then literally ran away from him. Hindi ko siya kaya!

---

After the shoot, nagpanggap ako na asleep na habang pauwi kami. Gosh, hindi ko na talaga kaya if Jasper would stare at me like that again! Feeling ko transferred sa kanya lahat ng energy ko!

Upon arriving home, my forehead crunched upon seeing my brothers with Aidan. They were talking and laughing.

“Why are you here?” I asked Aidan habang kunot ang noo ko.

Aidan shrugged. “What? We’re friends, right? And friends are allowed to visit?”

Psalm laughed. “Friendzone,” he said in a sing-song voice. Hindi ko alam why napatingin ako kay Jasper who was tailing behind me. Alam ko na nasa likod ko siya kasi ewan ko. Alam ko lang talaga kapag nasa paligid ko si Jasper. Parang may energy.

I just threw Jasper a quick glance, but even that fraction of a second was enough for me to see that he was not happy to see Aidan. Same naman kay Aidan. He’s been very vocal na hindi siya fan ni Jasper.

God, there’s just too much testosterone in the house.

“Whatever. I’m tired,” sabi ko tapos nagsimulang maglakad paakyat. Pero ramdam ko na sinusundan ako ni Aidan. “This is not your house. Don’t feel too comfortable,” I told Aidan kasi balak niya yata akong sundan hanggang kwarto!

“Come on, Maggie. It’s not like I’d never been inside your room,” Aidan said with his playful smile.

Nanlaki iyong mata ko dahil alam ko na naka-sunod din si Jasper. Gosh! Balak ba nilang dalawa na pasukin ako sa kwarto?

“What?” ulit ko. Huminto ako at nakaharap ako kay Aidan. I could also see Jasper—and the three stooges! Siguro kung pwede lang kami i-video, ivivideo na talaga kami ni Kellan!

“Nothing. I’m sorry,” Aidan said. “I just… want to talk to you.”

I sighed. “I’m tired.”

“Tomorrow?”

“I have work.”

“The next day?”

“I have work.”

“Okay. Just tell me when you’re free. Even if it’s just 15 minutes, I’ll take what I can get,” Aidan said. My heart clenched because I knew he’s really trying. But what’s done is done. Tapos na. Hindi ko alam bakit hindi niya maintindihan ’yun…

May mga tao siguro talaga na mahirap sa kanila na magmove on sa past. Kaya kahit tapos na, pilit nilang binabalik.

“Please?” Aidan asked.

I could feel everyone’s eyes on me. Like they were waiting for me to decide. Feeling ko bigla akong naubusan ng hininga dahil ramdam na ramdam ko iyong tingin nila…

Lalo na si Jasper.

Who looked like he was ready to break Aidan’s neck. Pero syempre baka hallucination ko lang talaga ’to.

“Ano’ng meron?” Psalm asked nang makita kami na parang may shooting dito sa gitna ng hagdan. Kasama niya rin sila Austin who looked confused, as well.

“Maggie, please? If you can’t take me back, at least don’t avoid me,” Aidan said in front of my brothers! “I’ll do everything you ask me, I promise. Everything’s on your terms.”

He’s really serious.

And he wouldn’t stop.

“Just say yes, Mags. You act as if you weren’t crazy over Aidan before,” Psalm said. “And if Aidan pulls anything funny, your guards are here to punch his face in behalf of us.”

Napa-tingin ako kay Jasper. His jaw was clenched. His hands were fisted.

Yet he’s still confusing.

“Okay,” I said. At least Aidan knew what he wanted.

Chapter 18

#COMM

Chapter 18

I tried, really. I really tried to get my life going kasi ’di ba hindi naman dapat nagrerevolve lahat ng decisions ko kay Jasper? So when Aidan asked me out as friends daw, I tried my best to enjoy his company. After all, I really genuinely like Aidan. I mean, still kahit may bad blood between us, hindi pa rin kasi maaalis ’yung years worth of memories namin. He’s still my first love, my first boyfriend, my first kiss.

Sobrang daming firsts that sometimes, the memories betray you for comfort and familiarity.

One morning, after days of continuous photoshoots, I finally had that rest day.

“Question,” I told Kellan since si Nico, busy sa pagkain. I made a mental note of always feeding Nico kasi I just learned na literal pala na binibigay niya lahat ng earnings niya sa mom niya. Such a nice kid, that one.

Which was a good thing for me also, I think? I mean, hindi na ako super obsessed in feeding Jasper… kasi hindi ko rin naman siya nakikita na masyado. Sobrang bothering din naman kasi ng cranky aura niya! Parang nagtaksil ako sa kanya, e, wala namang kami!

“Since usually for the past Sundays ay nasa bahay lang ako while you guys go home, what happens if I go out tomorrow?” I asked.

“San ka pupunta, Ma’am?” Kellan asked.

I shrugged. “Maybe gagala.”

“Bakit ’di na lang ngayon, Ma’am? Wala ka namang trabaho,” he suggested.

Of course I couldn’t say na hindi pwede today kasi may work si Aidan and tomorrow niya naman talaga ako inaya. Ewan ko ba sa sarili ko. Even though nakita naman nilang lahat na pumayag ako sa invitation ni Aidan, I still couldn’t bring myself to openly talk about the fact that I just welcomed Aidan back to my life? Kasi I still feel like I was betraying them… Gulo.

“Bukas pa showing ’yung gusto ko na movie,” I said instead.

Kellan nodded. “E ’di dito na lang din kami bukas, Ma’am,” he replied like it wasn’t a big deal na makukuha ko if ever ’yung rest day nila.

“Hala. ’Wag na pala. I’ll just re-schedule,” I said. Hindi kaya ng conscience ko. I mean, even though I promised Aidan na this time, it would push through na. Ilang beses ko na rin kasi siyang tinanggihan for all the lamest reasons. Pero mas hindi ko naman kaya na mawalan ng rest day sila Nico. 6 days, 24 hours a week na nga nila akong kasama… pati ba naman Sunday?

At saka baka pupuntahan ni Jasper si Helene. Ayoko namang maging kontrabida sa love story nila, if ever.

“Okay lang naman, Ma’am,” Kellan urged. “Mas okay nga kay Nico na dito lang kami, e.”

“Bakit naman? Don’t you miss your families?” I inquired. I was just curious. Ilang months na rin kaming magkasama, but I virtually knew almost nothing about them. Puro kasi pagtukso kay Jasper ang ginagawa nila sa akin.

“Si Cinderella ’yan si Nico, Ma’am. Mas okay kapag dito sa inyo. Libre food pa no, Nico?” Kellan said to Nico who was joyfully eating. Sobrang takaw. Seriously, gaano ba kalaki ang tiyan ni Nico? Hindi ko na alam kung saan niya dinadala lahat ng kinakain niya. Maybe sa braso? Malapit na silang maging magka-level ni Jasper!

“Hala. Why Cinderella?”

“Pang MMK ’yang buhay ni Nico, Ma’am, baka malungkot lang kayo. E ’di ba broken-hearted ka pa kay Sir Jasper?” Kellan teased.

I frowned at him. “Talent mo talaga na ibalik kay Jasper ’yung usapan!”

He laughed. “E, Ma’am, kasi hanep talaga. Sa harap pa talaga ni Sir Jasper mo sinabi na makikipagdate ka sa ex mo!”

“E so what naman? There’s nothing going on between Jasper and me,” I confidently replied. As far as I was concerned, wala naman akong nilalabag na kahit ano’ng rule. I promised not to read too much into Jasper’s vague actions. Ayokong maging permanent resident ng state of confusion dahil kay First Lieutenant!

“Pustahan nga, Ma’am?”

“Ang hilig mo sa pustahan!”

“Sige na, Ma’am,” Kellan urged.

“Bakit muna ako papayag? At saka kapag nahuli kayo ni Jasper, sige kayo pag-iinitan na naman kayo nun,” I warned them. Naaalala ko na naman ’yung parang dead inside na itsura nila nung bumalik ako. I still often wondered kung ano ba ang pinagawa ni Jasper sa kanilang dalawa ni Nico para maging ganoon ang itsura nila.

But instead of answering me, Kellan nodded and said, “Sir Jasper!”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. I froze. Gosh. Ilang araw kong hindi talaga nakita si Jasper! Hindi ko sure if it was because he’s avoiding me or it was me who was avoiding him.

Wala pang kami pero sobrang confusing na talaga!

“Sir, may lakad daw po si Ma’am Maggie bukas. Kailangan talaga naming umuwi. Pwede po ba na kayo na lang?” Kellan said. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. I just told them na I’d re-sched! Sobrang traitor talaga!

“Is it important?”

“Sir, yes, Sir!” Kellan replied. Sobrang stiff nila talaga ni Nico kapag kausap si Jasper or Evan. “Si Ma’am Maggie naman po may date kasama si Sir Aidan, Sir!”

Oh, my God, he did not!

“Ah,” Jasper replied. “Okay.”

My lips parted. What?

“Just inform me about the details,” Jasper said and then continued walking.

Bigla akong napa-tayo. Gosh. Nababaliw talaga ako sa mga nangyayari!

“Wait!” I shouted. Napa-hinto si Nico na apparently, another plate of food pala ang kinuha instead of water. “I can just re-sched. ’Di ba may pupuntahan ka tomorrow?”

Jasper looked at me. His face was expressionless. It made me worried. I liked it better when he’s transparent… hindi ’yung ganito na hindi ko alam kung ano ang nasa isip niya.

“None,” he replied.

“Wala? Not even family? Friends? Or girlfriend?”

Jasper cocked his head to the side. “My family and friends are well-aware about the consequences of my job, Ma’am.”

“What about the girlfriend?”

Jasper’s eyes locked with mine. If it weren’t for the fact that he was in front of me, I would have clutched my chest and beg my heart to stop acting crazy. It was only Jasper! He wasn’t even touching me, but his mere stares were enough to send my system into an overdrive.

First Lieutenant’s effect was driving me crazy!

“I don’t have a girlfriend, Ma’am.”

“Sure?”

The side of his lips parted in amusement. “I think I’d be sure if I have a girlfriend or not, Ma’am.”

“Hindi rin… Confusing ka kaya,” I murmured enough for me to hear pero narinig niya pala! Not only freaking toned body, but bionic ears din ’tong si First Lieutenant!

“I’m not confusing, Ma’am. Some matters are just out of my control,” Jasper replied. My lips parted again. “You have my number. Just tell me about the details. I’ll see you tomorrow, Ma’am,” sabi niya bago ako iniwan.

And as soon as Jasper was out of earshot, I heard Kellan and Nico’s annoying ayie.

---

The next morning, I was conflicted. I was perfectly aware that it would only stir trouble if I went out with Aidan with Jasper lagging behind me. And both guys were alpha males who would not back down. And I was definitely not strong enough to stop the two of them, should they decide to break each other’s neck!

So the next best thing was to cancel my plan with Aidan. It wasn’t easy kasi nakakakonsensya talaga… but what could I do? Kahit kasi ano ang gawin ko, magkakaroon ng problema. So, in this way, everyone would be safe.

“When will I really see you, Maggie?” Aidan asked.

“I don’t know,” I replied. Maybe confusing din ako? Kasi hindi ko talaga outright masabi kay Aidan to stop trying. Kasi kahit naman totoo iyong sinabi niya na wala talagang nangyari sa kanila ni Ashley, still, the damage had been made. I couldn’t trust him anymore.

Aidan sighed. “Okay,” he replied with a tinge of pain.

Gosh. Why was it so hard to dump someone?! Nakakakonsensya!

After that call, feeling ko sobrang samang tao ko na talaga. Lately, Aidan had been nothing but nice and sweet, pero sobrang I feel wrong if I continue going out with him. I mean, alam ko naman na umaasa siya na magkakabalikan kami… but it’s clear to me na hanggang friends na lang.

After my talk to Aidan, I decided to talk to First Lieutenant naman. Sa text na lang kasi baka matunaw na talaga ako. Ang intense niya naman kasi tumitig!

Me: Uhm hindi na tuloy yung lakad. Ayun thanks. Uwi ka na sa inyo

Jasper: Ah

Me: You’re welcome :)

I was expecting at least another reply from him pero wala na agad akong nakuha! Sobrang annoying niya lang talaga!

Sinubukan ko na sa kwarto lang ako pero curiosity already and always got the best of me when it came to Jasper Alexander Ybañez. Kaya naman tumakbo ako papunta sa kwarto ni Cohen. From there kasi, kita iyong guest house. Good thing wala ang brothers ko dahil nasa basketball practice sila. God knew what kind of tukso I’d get kapag nalaman nila ’tong mga pinaggagagawa ko!

Pagsilip ko sa window, agad kong nakita si Jasper na may kausap sa phone. His forehead was creased and his eyebrows were knitted. I wasn’t good at lip reading, but from where I was standing, it seemed like he was having a heated-discussion… though one-way lang yata. Parang sinisigawan siya nung kausap niya.

God, I felt bad for him.

I continued to stare. That made me want to envelop him in my arms because when the call ended, he looked really defeated. Hindi ko alam kung tama ba na bumaba ako para kausapin siya… pero alam ko naman na wala akong karapatan na gawin ’yun.

It’s just so hard to be in a place where you don’t know what you can and can’t do.

Me: May other lakad ako. Pwede ka?

I saw Jasper reading my text. He was staring at the phone. Lumakas na naman ’yung tibok ng dibdib ko kahit hindi naman ako ’yung tinitignan niya.

Jasper: Where?

Me: Don’t worry wala si Aidan

Jasper: And why will I worry?

Me: Hehe i don’t know. But are you free?

Jasper: It’s a part of my job, Ma’am.

Me: I thought Maggie na?

Me: Bakit Ma’am na naman tayo?

Me: I thought friends?

I was never the kind to annoy people over texts, but to erase that defeated look on Jasper’s face, I was willing to go the extra-mile to be annoying.

Jasper: I don’t want to be friends

Me: How about super friends?

Jasper: No

Me: Special friends?

Jasper: Okay

Sobrang umawang iyong labi ko! Ang bilis niya magyes sa pagiging special friends namin! As in I saw him reply yes agad pagka-send ko pa lang! Ayan na naman siya sa specialization niya na pagiging confusing!

Me: Good! Muntik na ako magoffer ng friends with benefits hahahaha

Kahit far ako from Jasper, I swear I saw him blushing! Oh, my God! I just made First Lieutenant blush!

Para akong stupid na naka-tingin lang kay Jasper habang nagbblush siya. Ilang beses siyang nag-attempt na magcompose ng text pero wala akong natanggap. He kept on erasing whatever his reply to me was.

Tapos…

Tapos…

Gosh, he smiled! I was so dead! Sobrang gwapo niya kapag naka-ngiti!

Me: Bihis lang ako, okay? See you later, Jasper!

I managed to type with my slightly shaking hands. I stole a quick glance bago ako tumakbo pabalik sa room ko. Naka-salubong ko pa sila Saint na obviously ay kababalik lang sa practice.

“Did you just got out of Cohen’s room?” Psalm asked.

I nodded, slightly worried dahil baka malaman nila! “Uh… yes? I just borrowed pen.”

And because Psalm’s mind is half-occupied with basketball and stupid thoughts, naniwala siya sa lame-ass excuse ko. I immediately ran to my room and showered. Ang tagal-tagal kong nagshower tapos sobrang nahirapan ako mamili ng isusuot. Ni hindi ko pa nga alam kung saan kami pupunta pero ewan. Bahala na.

I settled for casual attire. I wore an A-line skirt and a cream chiffon blouse. I didn’t even bother to wear heels dahil gusto ko mas matangkad sa akin si Jasper. I am too tall for an average woman. Good thing tall si Jasper kaya okay pa rin.

After convincing myself not to run downstairs, I made my way to the guest house. Pagdating ko roon, nakita ko si Jasper wearing his usual uniform.

“Can’t you wear casual today?” I asked.

“Why?” he asked na akala mo hindi ko siya pinakilig kanina! Sobrang king of in denial din ’to!

“Uhm… pagtitinginan kasi tayo if you’re in your uniform?” I said kahit hindi ko sure if okay ba ’yung reason ko. Pero kasi… sobrang stupid ko ba if I’d consider this as us going out? Kahit ako lang talaga ang aware.

“Where are we going?” he asked.

“Secret.”

“We can’t leave unless the location is secured.”

Kainis. Couldn’t he act like today’s not work day? Nakaka-sira ng vibes ’to si First Lieutenant.

“We’re going to a mall,” I said kasi ’yun ang safest answer.

“To?”

“Buy stuff.”

“And you need to do that on a Sunday,” he replied.

I nodded. “Yes. May problem ka ba ’dun?”

Umiling siya. “None, Ma’am.”

“Maggie nga.”

“It’s either Ma’am or Siobhan, Ma’am,” he replied. Habang sinasabi niya iyon, naka-tingin lang talaga siya sa mga mata ko. My heart raced wildly inside my chest.

“T-talaga?” I asked, my voice stuttering.

“Yes, Ma’am, there’s no in between,” he said, still staring intently.

Chapter 19

#COMM

Chapter 19

Kulang na lang talaga, itali ko ’yung sarili ko to stop myself from bouncing. Ewan ko ba. Jasper was just sitting beside me, pero iba na talaga ’yung feels! Hindi na kasi siya mukhang aattend ng funeral because I finally managed to convince him to wear casual. Though he’s wearing a long sleeves that he folded—na hindi niya nga rin masyadong ma-fold kasi legit na ang laki ng arms niya. Nakakaloka lang talaga ’yang push-up routine niya.

Jasper kept on adjusting his shirt. Hindi siguro siya comfortable?

“Sure ka ba na wala kang pupuntahan today?” I asked. What I was doing was breaking my rule… kinda. Pero gusto ko rin kasi, maka-sigurado na wala talaga siyang girlfriend or anything close to that. Ayoko talaga na maging mang-aagaw. I never want to be that kind of girl.

“Yes, Ma’am,” Jasper replied and then tried to button the upper one in his polo.

“Baka naman masakal ka niyan,” I said.

“You should’ve just let me wear my uniform, Ma’am.”

I frowned. E ’di hindi na date ’yun kapag naka-uniform siya? Kahit naman super feeler ko lang sa ginagawa ko, gusto ko comfortable si Jasper. I knew he’s stepping out of his comfort zone by doing this favor for me. I, at least, wanted him to feel at ease.

“Here, let me help,” I said, slightly biting my lips. I turned sideways and then unbuttoned the top button kasi mukha siyang nasasakal. I adjusted his collar, so that he could breathe freely. But my insides were slightly shaking because I could feel Jasper.

Gosh, ang gwapo talaga kahit ang seryoso ng mukha. If only I could touch his face without looking like a creep…

Akala ko babaling ng tingin si Jasper because I was really too near. Just a few more centimeters and something really good would happen inside this moving vehicle. But First Lieutenant didn’t move; he freaking stared back at me!

Gosh, napalaban ako ng titigan!

Our eyes were both locked at each other while I was holding onto his collar like my dear life depended on it. I felt like I was holding my breath the entire time he was looking at me. He really just had that kind of effect on me.

He always made me breathless. Always.

“Ah… ayos na,” I said after seconds that felt like eternity. It seemed like he didn’t have any plans of breaking the stare. Naka-tingin lang siya sa akin na parang gusto niya na tunawin ako.

And me? I was very much willing. Grabe talaga ako magka-crush.

“Thanks,” he said in his usual one-word replies. How I loved those rare moments when he speaks in volume. I love listening to his words… I love hearing his voice… There’s really something about Jasper that made me feel safe. Kasi alam ko na hindi niya ako hahayaan na mapahamak.

‘Except for your heart,’ sabi nung epal na part ng brain ko.

But isn’t everything in life a gamble? It’s either you get it or you don’t. I believe that if you really want something and you do nothing about it, you have no right to pout around if you don’t get it. Kasi ’di ba you did nothing?

Kaya ito? Basta malaman ko lang na walang babae si Jasper, kahit parang stupid na ako, I’d cling on to this crush.

Nang makarating kami sa mall, bumaba na kami ni Jasper—not until he instructed the driver to stay in the vehicle and not wander around. He’s super paranoid kasi na someone would plant a bomb sa car.

“Super paranoid mo talaga. I’m not even a de Marco. Feel ko dapat ’yung guards nila Maven and Addie ’yung may level of being paranoid mo,” I told him while we were walking side by side papunta sa mall entrance. Kilig lang, kainis.

“I’m glad that you feel safe, but this is my job, Ma’am,” he replied, still subtly looking around, pero obvious pa rin naman na he’s on the lookout. Sobrang uptight talaga.

“May threat ba ngayon?” I asked. When I was younger, our whole clan received death threats like it’s our breakfast. ’Dun kasi nung nagstart na magjoin sa politics sila Abuelo. Tapos my dad’s the Spanish consul here in the country. It’s just crazy. Kaya wala talaga akong balak pumasok sa mundo na ’yun.

“It’s always better to be safe,” he replied instead. Medyo kinabahan ako. May threat ba?

When we were finally inside the mall, konti lang ’yung mga tao. Jasper began to walk behind me.

“Bakit ka ba nasa likod ko?” I asked dahil date nga kasi ’to! Tapos para siyang stalker na naka-sunod sa akin. He really knew how to work a girl! Worked na worked na ako!

“What are you going to buy?” he asked like he’s in a hurry to get the hell out of the mall.

“I’m hungry. Eat muna tayo,” I said. Agad na kumunot ang noo niya. I frowned at him—’yung cute lang. “Please? You choose where. ’Yung mukhang safe para hindi mo feel na lalasunin ka.”

Jasper looked like he’s already annoyed kasi makulit ako. But I just wanted to eat with him! Never pa kami kumain ng sabay dahil nga sobrang paranoid niya lang talaga!

“Why are we really here?” he asked.

“May bibilhin nga ako,” I replied.

“Then let’s buy.”

“E gutom na ako…”

“Then you eat.”

He’s so annoying!

“Fine! Let me call Aidan first para may kasabay akong kumain!” I said out of frustration! Pagkain pa lang, sobrang hirap niya na kausap! Pasalamat siya hindi ko siya pwedeng sabunutan dito sa gitna ng mall kasi sobrang he frustrated me na talaga!

I whipped my phone from my bag and seriously began to dial Aidan’s number. Masaya habulin si Jasper, pero minsan, I wished he’d just do whatever the hell he really wanted to do. Nakakapagod ’tong push and pull game niya.

But even before I could hit call, Jasper caught my hand.

“Fine,” he said, still holding my hand. My heart began to race again. God… if only he could hold me like this and look at me like that.

Words escaped me. I just wanted to stare at him.

“Where do you want to eat?” he asked.

“Y-you choose,” I replied, my voice a little shaky kasi kilig ako. He’s holding my hand! “You’re the one who’s picky.”

His thick brows knitted. “I’m not picky. I just want you safe.”

I cocked my head. “I’ll feel safer if I’m certain na hindi ka biglang hihimatayin dahil sa gutom.”

“Ma’am—”

“Siobhan na lang, please? ’Di ba special friends na tayo?” I said, wiggling my eyebrows. I saw him pressing his lips to probably suppress a smile! Aha! Naalala niya kaya ’yung pagba-blush niya kahapon? Because he was super cute when he was blushing!

“Just pick where to eat… Siobhan. “

God. Ganito siguro ang feeling ng mga tumatama sa lottery.

---

After a minute-long worth of debate, we settled on eating in a Japanese resto. Feel ko kasi mas feeling safe si Jasper if he see na sa harap namin mismo ipe-prepare ’yung food.

Jasper was studying the surrounding while I was studying him. His skin was perfectly tanned maybe because of his line of work. Tuwing nasa labas kami, papayungan niya ako. Kahit minsan umuulan, basta safe ako na hindi mabasa, kahit maulanan siya okay lang. There’s a cut sa bandang dulo ng left brow niya. His high nose was slightly crooked sa bridge area. Siguro mahilig makipag-away si Jasper. I could seriously picture him beating up guys! Kaya nga as much as possible, ayoko talaga na magtagpo sila ni Aidan, e. I was scared of what he’d do to Aidan!

And Jasper’s lips? Don’t even get me started. I even made it to a point not to look at his lips because I was having serious sinful thoughts. Like thrice na akong nagsimba alone, without my fam kasi iba talaga naiisip ko.

“Are you done staring?” he asked. Nanlaki iyong mga mata ko.

“H-hindi, ah!”

“You’re too obvious,” he replied, now looking at me.

“Curious lang ako… did you break your nose before?” I asked, trying to come up with a reason why I was staring. Sobrang lala na talaga when it came to him.

Agad na kumunot ’yung noo niya. Like he’s in his defense mode again. ’Wag niya lang talaga akong sabihan ng strictly business niya dahil baka siya ang gawin kong sashimi.

“Alam mo, Jasper Alexander Ybañez, if you want to be friends with me—”

“You’re the one who wants to be friends with me,” he cut me off. Aba aba! Sumasagot na si First Lieutenant!

“Fine. But this special friendship,” I said and then I pointed at both of us. Pinaalala ko talaga ’yung special, so he’d remember na pinakilig ko siya last night! “This is a two way thing. You better cooperate,” I continued. “Plus, today’s a Sunday.”

Jasper looked at me like he was weighing his decision. Sobra niya na lang talaga ako laging pinapakaba. ’Di ko sure if this was still a good thing dahil feeling ko makaka-develop na ako ng early onset of heart disease dahil sa kanya.

“Fine,” he replied. Tss. One-word reply pa rin.

Our food was served and I began to enjoy my sushi. Jasper seemed hesitant. I pushed the plate towards him.

“Eat na, please? Nakita mo naman ’yung fish mismo sa harap mo. ’Wag ka ngang masyadong doubtful. Bad ’yan,” I said and then handed him the chopsticks.

I was beaming when he began to eat. I began to happily eat, too. Quiet lang kami for a while. Ayoko rin kasi siya i-disturb. Sobrang creepy ko na talaga kasi I feel a sense of fulfillment tuwing nakikita ko na kumakain si Jasper. I mean, alam ko naman na ’yung reason why hindi siya kumakain while on duty kasi na-drug siya dati and caused someone to die… but he shouldn’t be too hard on himself. Wala namang may gusto na mangyari ’yun.

And Addie said that the girl loved Jasper kasi she moved all the way from Canada here. I was sure na she wouldn’t want Jasper to beat himself too bad because of it. Kasi if ako ’yung mamamatay? Ayoko na sisihin ni Jasper ’yung sarili niya.

We were offered sake pero I declined kahit gusto kong painumin si Jasper, so that he’d loosen up. But Jasper being Jasper, he just contented himself with a glass of water.

“So, bakit may ganyan ’yung brow mo?” I asked tapos tinuro ko ’yung gilid ng brow niya. Ang daming battle scars ni Jasper… I wonder kung saan pa siya may tinatago…

“I was almost stabbed in the face,” sabi niya na parang wala lang.

My lips parted. “You were what?!” sabi ko na napalakas kaya napatingin ’yung iba sa amin. I bit my lip. Kasi naman!

“Almost, Siobhan. I didn’t die,” sabi niya sa akin. I stopped myself from feeling kilig dahil mas nangibabaw ’yung gulat ko na he was almost stabbed! Who dared stab him?!

“What happened? Who stabbed you? Is he still alive?”

“He’s rotting in prison, I think?”

“You’re not sure? That person stabbed you, Jasper!”

“I get stabbed and shot. It’s normal,” he said casually.

“No, it’s not normal,” I argued. How would it ever become normal?!

“That’s my life.”

Natigilan ako.

Somehow, that hit me.

And then there was a pang.

“So, that’s it? One day, maybe you’ll get shot or stabbed or God knows what?”

Jasper stared at me and said, “Yes.”

“And ganon na lang ’yun? Aren’t you even worried?”

Jasper shook his head. Napa-abot ako sa sake and drank it in a gulp. “You’re unbelievable.”

“I won’t die,” he said.

“And how do you even know that? You don’t even eat. Maybe you’ll die of starvation bago ka pa man masaksak or mabaril.”

I was starting to fume, but Jasper, for some reasons, found this amusing. I really couldn’t believe him! He just told me na pwede siyang mamatay anytime, pero parang ang saya niya pa!

“I won’t die,” he repeated. “You’re still here. I won’t die.”

Napaawang ang labi ko. “H-ha?”

“You’re here to feed me. I won’t die of starvation,” he said, slightly smiling. I frowned. Panira. Kainis.

Chapter 20

#COMM

Chapter 20

I didn’t know if Jasper was enjoying our date, but I definitely did! After naming kumain, never na siya naglakad sa likod ko! We were walking side by side, and swear, konti na lang, I would have linked my arms with his! Sobrang curious na kasi talaga ako on how it would feel to hold him… kasi ang gwapo talaga ng arms niya.

Ewan ko. Weakness ko na yata ’yung arms niya.

“What are you going to buy?” Jasper asked for the nth time.

“Naghahanap pa ako.”

“We’ve been going around for nearly an hour,” he said, suspicious.

“Wala pa ’yung gusto ko talaga,” I replied, not wanting this day to end. Syempre kasi pagbumalik na kami sa bahay, hindi na pwede ’yung ganito. Kellan said na I was too obvious sa crush ko kay Jasper… good thing my parents were always busy with work tapos my brothers were, as usual, busy with basketball kaya wala talagang nakakapansin sa mga kagagahan ko.

While we were walking around, nakakita ako ng shop for guys. Hinila ko si Jasper sa loob.

“Dito na!” I happily said. Diretso lang ako na pumasok at saka tumingin sa rack ng shirts. I got the navy blue shirt. “Jasper, tara dito,” I said kasi nakatayo lang siya near sa entrance nung shop. Paglapit niya sa akin, nilagay ko sa harap niya iyong shirt tapos tinignan if it would fit.

As per usual, Jasper’s forehead was creased. Ano bang bago? Siguro by the time he gets to 30 years old, puro wrinkles na siya.

“Hmm… Mukhang bagay naman,” I said and then got the gray one and did the same thing. Nakakuha ako ng five shirts before I got contented. I looked at Jasper and smiled. “Okay na. I’ll pay for these na,” sabi ko bago nagsimula na maglakad papunta sa counter. Pero bago pa man ako makarating ’dun, Jasper held me by my wrist.

“I don’t need you to buy me shirts,” he said.

Napaawang ’yung labi ko—for a split second—bago ako nagsimula na tumawa. I must’ve been laughing real hard kasi napansin ko na napatingin na sa amin iyong ibang customers. Jasper turned a bit red because of the attention we were getting!

“Si Jasper ang feeler,” I said after I calmed down after nearly a minute of doubling over. “Para kay Nico kaya ’yung shirts.”

Jasper really looked embarrassed, but him being him, syempre he had a rebuttal.

“Then you should’ve taken him instead of me,” he said, in a sungit way. Napahiya kasi.

“Umuwi nga kasi siya sa bahay nila, ’di ba? At saka kasalanan mo naman kung bakit ko binibilhan ng shirt si Nico,” I told him.

Kunot noo na naman si First Lieutenant, but didn’t say a word.

“Sabi kaya nila pinagpush-up mo raw sila ng madami—to the point na halos ’di na magkasya si Nico sa shirts niya.”

And he turned red again! Gosh! Ganto lang pala dapat in order to make First Lieutenant blush! Dapat hulihin mo lang siya sa harap niya mismo ng mga pinaggagagawa niya! Ang dami na kaya!

“That’s a part of their training,” he replied, still a bit flushed.

I eyed him. “Sabi ko kaya sa ’yo before na bayaan mo silang umuwi sa bahay since wala naman ako sa Manila… At saka may iba silang sinabi sa akin…” I teased him.

“What?” he asked.

I shrugged. “Secret,” I said, winking at him before going to the counter to pay for Nico’s new shirts. I heard him calling my name, pero I ignored him. I liked having something over his head.

I’d drive him crazy, like how he made me crazy.

---

Nakapagbayad na ako at lahat, naglalakad na kami ulit, but Jasper was still keen on knowing what Nico told me. Gosh, he was relentless! ’Di ko akalain na may side pala siya na ganito? I thought kasi pagiging dull boy lang ang alam niya.

“A secret is a secret nga, Jasper, so why will I tell you?” I answered.

“Just tell me,” he said.

“Ayaw.”

“Siobhan,” he said in a warning tone, but instead na matakot, kinilig lang ako. Kainis talaga ’yang si First Lieutenant.

“Baka pagpush-up-in mo ulit sila Nico if I tell you.” He didn’t answer. “See? Baka magalit pa sila sa akin if sabihin ko.”

Jasper didn’t seem to like my answer, so he began to walk behind me again. I turned around and frowned at him.

“Dito ka sa tabi ko,” I said.

“Tell me first.”

“That’s violation of the pact of secrecy.”

“Then no,” he stubbornly replied.

“Ikakamatay mo ba kapag hindi mo nalaman?”

But dull boy didn’t answer and just continued walking behind me like a creep! Kainis! I thought our day would end up just fine… pero hindi pala because he’s acting like some kid.

After a while, I got fed up kasi para talaga siyang stalker na naka-sunod lang sa akin. I stopped and faced him.

“Fine. I’ll tell you,” I said. “In one condition.”

“What?” he asked, like he was ready to do anything basta malaman niya lang kung ano iyong sinabi sa akin ni Nico.

I sweetly smiled at him. “Let’s play games sa arcade.”

“What?” he asked, obviously nagulat sa sinabi ko. But that was what I wanted to do since this morning! Alam mo ’yun? I have read countless of books and watched tons of movies! Lahat ng mga couples ginagawa ’yun! Kanina ko pa gustong hatakin si Jasper sa arcade and ask him to win me a big stuffed toy… pero sobrang obvious ko na if I ask him to do it for me.

Was it so wrong to use the situation to my advantage? We’d both get what we want naman. He’d get the information he so badly wanted. And I would get my first stuffed toy from him.

“Let’s play as arcade and after I’m satisfied, I’ll tell you what Nico told me,” I told him and the pulled him to the arcade—syempre kilig ako because I was holding his hand in the guise of pulling him.

Pagdating namin sa arcade, maraming tao… mostly teenagers and teen couples on a date. But that didn’t dampen my spirits. I just wanted to be here with Jasper.

“After we finish playing all the game, I’ll tell you,” I said to him.

“Everything?”

I beamed and nodded. “Yes. So, deal, Mr. Ybañez?”

Jasper sighed and said, “Fine.”

I was grinning like crazy nung una kaming pumunta sa basketball hoops after ko bumili ng card.

“Do you play basketball?” I asked him.

“No,” he replied.

“What sports do you play?”

“Rugby,” he replied.

“Hmm… Bagay nga sa ’yo,” I commented. I could totally see Jasper playing Rugby. Ang laki kaya ng katawan ni Jasper! But fortunately, not to the point naman na mukha na siyang wrestler. He’s just in really good shape.

And then the game began. I was happily shooting—thinking that I’d beat Jasper kasi I have some background sa basketball. I grew up trying to force myself to play basketball para makasali ako sa mga kapatid ko. I know how to shoot… but when the game ended…

“What the—” I said when I saw the score. Jasper’s score was far superior than mine! “Akala ko ba hindi ka naglalaro?!”

Jasper looked cocky for a second. “I was trained as a sniper. I have a really good aim, Ma’am,” he said before crouching down to get the tickets.

Damn. Bakit ang gwapo niya while he was saying those words?

I hated the fact that his job puts him in danger, but at the same time, I find his job really sexy. I was afraid of my reaction if I see him in his military uniform.

I was really a goner when it came to First Lieutenant.

---

After the basketball, we continued playing different games tapos lahat talo ako! If I hadn’t known better, I’d think na tambay si Jasper sa arcades kasi ang galing niya lang talaga!

“My God…” I said in awe when he managed to get me all the different kinds of stuffed toy ’dun sa Claw Machine. As in he managed to get those in one try! Naniniwala na talaga ako na he has a good aim kasi damn. Claw Machines are like the enemy of people who go to arcade!

“Anything else?” Jasper asked while holding tons of ticket we won from all the games we played. “I think these are enough for your giant stuffed toy,” he said, eyeing the giant teddy bear that I asked him to get me kanina.

“Is there anything you’re not good at?” I asked, exasperated because I didn’t win a single game.

Instead of answering, Jasper intently looked at me and sighed.

---

“Thank you, Jasper!” I said with a huge smile on my face after he gave me the huge teddy bear. I had to hold the bear with both my arms kasi ang laki talaga! “I’ll name him Jassy, okay?”

Kumunot-noo na naman si Jasper. “Jassy?”

“Yup. Named after you since you gave him to me.”

“Can’t you think of another?”

“Aidan?”

Jasper just huffed. Sobrang init talaga ng ulo niya kay Aidan.

Lumabas na kami sa arcade. While walking, Jasper got Jassy from my hands.

“Hindi, okay lang,” I told him.

“You’ll trip if you can’t see where you’re going,” sabi niya tapos kinuha niya na talaga si Jassy from me. I beamed in secret kasi para kaming family tapos baby namin si Jassy. Tapos nalungkot kasi kasi ilusyon ko lang naman lahat at ang crazy ko na talaga.

Habang naglalakad kami, I was waiting for Jasper to ask me about what Nico said. Nag-isip na rin kasi ako if I’d tell him what really Nico and Kellan had been telling me about…

Na may gusto rin sa akin si Jasper.

I mean… dapat ko bang sabihin or hindi?

Ang gulo. But at the same time, I wanted to clear the air. Mahirap din kasi if we’re both just always in the dark.

“Jasper—” I asked, but stopped when I saw Aunt Beatrice together with Addie and Santi in front of me.

Biglang lumakas iyong kabog ng dibdib ko.

“Maggie,” Aunt Beatrice said. Lumapit siya sa akin and kissed both my cheeks. “Mama’s asking why you aren’t visiting her. Punta ka sa bahay. Baka magtampo na ’yun,” she fondly said.

I gave a nervous smile. I was always nervous around the elders in the family. They’re the strict ones.

“Is this yours?” Aunt Beatrice asked, pointing at Jassy.

Hindi ako nakapagsalita. What would I even say? Na bigay sa akin ni Jasper? Knowing Aunt Beatrice, she’d quickly conclude without even asking me! Baka makarating pa iyong ibang version kila Abuelo. I really didn’t want any issue lalo na at kahit sa akin, hindi pa naman clear.

Addie must’ve seen the fear on my face, so she interrupted.

“Ma, that’s probably from Aidan. Heard he’s back,” Addie said. Gosh. Of all reasons, si Aidan pa talaga?!

“Is that Aidan?” Aunt asked, pointing at Jasper.

I quickly shook my head. “No, Auntie. Uhm… bodyguard po,” I said, biting my lips because why was I even like this?!

Aunt Beatrice nodded, satisfied with the answer. “Well, then, do invite Aidan over. Sige na, we’re going to meet someone. See you soon, Maggie, okay?” Aunt said before walking away.

Santi was curiously looking at the guy who’s holding Jassy.

Addie winked at me and mouthed, ‘Good luck.’

At nang makaalis na sila, Jasper just walked away without saying anything. Great.

Chapter 21

#COMM

Chapter 21

Jasper was too silent on our way home. And I was too tensed to even say anything. I mean, technically, I didn’t do anything wrong naman… but somehow, I felt really guilty.

Ganto yata talaga if you’re in a gray area, kapag hindi defined kung ano ba talaga. Sobrang gulo.

“Uh… Thank you for today,” I said nang nasa bahay na kami. Nakatayo na ako sa labas habang kinukuha ni Jasper palabas ng car si Jassy. Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya habang ginagawa niya iyon. I was bit my lips and playing with my fingers. Sobrang tensed ko na lang talaga.

After makuha ni Jasper si Jassy, he handed him to me.

“Thank you,” I said. Jasper just nodded. Hala. Galit nga siya.

I stood awkwardly in front of him and then sighed. Hindi ko pa kasi alam how I’d approach him… kailangan ko muna siguro humingi ng advice sa ibang tao. Ayoko kasi na galitin si Jasper. I mean, ako na nga ’tong nangungulit sa kanya, tapos ginagalit ko pa siya.

“Good night,” I just said instead. I went to my room while carrying Jassy. Naka-salubong ko pa nga si Cohen who asked me if I was okay. Sobrang mukhang down ko siguro kaya pati si Cohen na usually naman hindi nakikielam, nagtanong na rin. Nakatulog tuloy ako na sobrang bothered.

The next morning, I woke up extra early kasi sobrang late na ako natulog. Sobrang daming scenario na nagplay sa utak ko. Tapos I dreamt about that Helene pa! Gustung-gusto ko na talaga tanungin si Jasper about who Helene was, pero hindi pa ngayon since alam ko na pissed off pa siya sa akin.

Obvious naman! Sa likod ko siya naglakad after namin makasalubong si Aunt Beatrice! Kulang na lang patirin niya ako sa pagka-badtrip niya sa akin, sobrang feel ko.

“Good morning, Ma’am!” hyper na bati sa akin ni Kellan while Nico was just smiling at me. I already finished eating breakfast with my family. My parents just arrived from a convention somewhere in Vienna. Buti na lang hindi pansin masyado nila na nasa guest house iyong isip ko.

“Morning,” I replied rather gloomily. As per usual, napansin agad nila. ’Di ko sure if they’re just really intuitive, or sobrang bored lang nila sa work nila kaya pinapansin nila lahat sa akin.

Kellan and Nico both nodded, like they just came up with a realization.

I eyed them. “Have you seen Jasper?”

Umiling sila. “Kakadating lang po natin tapos nakita po namin natutulog pa.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “He’s still sleeping?” I asked dahil 8am na. Dati nga super creepy niya dahil 6am pa lang, ready to go na siya. Like when I go out of my room, Jasper’s already there. Tapos ngayon, he’s still asleep?

Nico nodded. “Opo. Weird nga po, e. Maaga kasi gumising ’yun lagi kasi nga ganun sa PMA.”

“Baka ginalit mo na naman, Ma’am,” Kellan said.

“Ako na naman may kasalanan,” I said and creased my forehead.

“E, Ma’am, ikaw lang naman nakaka-trigger kay Sir Jasper,” Kellan replied.

“Wala kaya akong ginagawa!” I said rather defensively… but then, I sighed. Alam ko kasi na I was at fault. Pero ano ba ang dapat sabihin ko! He’s my bodyguard naman talaga!

Pero naman kasi, I felt offended on his behalf dahil din sa sinabi ko. Sobrang gulo! If I didn’t say that, hindi ko rin naman alam what I should have said! Wala akong mapaglagyan.

Kellan sat. “Kwento ka muna, Ma’am. ’Di naman tayo makakaalis habang wala si Sir Jasper,” Kellan said. Naka-upo talaga siya tapos nakapatong pa ’yung chin niya sa dalawang kamay niya. So weird, this guy. Curious tuloy ako bigla kay Kellan kasi he seemed to be invested in my life… ano kaya ang meron sa life niya?

Sighing, I took a seat, too. Nasa harap ko si Kellan and Nico. We were positioned like I was under trial for what I did yesterday.

“So… ’di ba? There’s nothing I could’ve done!” I said after I told them what transpired last night. I waited for their reaction, for them to agree with me, but of course kontrabida si Kellan.

“Ma’am, ikaw kaya pag nakasalubong niyo si Helene tapos sinabi ni Sir Jasper na amo ka niya, ano’ng mararamdaman mo?”

Napaawang ang labi ko. “Uh… okay lang,” I answered.

“Ang plastic naman ni Ma’am. Parang ’di tayo friends dito,” he said. Siniko siya ni Nico. “Okay lang ’yan. Sa atin nakasalalay ang lovelife ni Ma’am,” Kellan continued. Napaawang na lang talaga ang labi ko sa kanya.

“I mean, it’s the truth naman, right? It’s not like there’s something…” I said, sighing. They just continued to look at me—like they could see right through me. “Fine. It would sting. Like big time. Pero ’yun naman kasi talaga. Kaya siguro sinabi nila na truth hurts. “

Nico nodded in agreement. Buti pa siya kampi sa akin.

“Bakit kasi ’di mo na lang sabihin kay Sir ’yung feelings mo?”

“No way!” I almost shouted. Buti napigilan ko dahil Jasper’s still sleeping. I didn’t want to bother his sleep, kasi alam ko na sobrang deprived sa sleep ’yung isa na ’yun.

“Ano, Ma’am? Ganto na lang lagi? Kami kawawa?”

“Bakit kayo? Ako ’yung bothered and torn dito.”

“Hindi naman kayo kayang saktan ni Sir. Kami ’yung nasasaktan physically,” Kellan said in all seriousness. Parang naiimagine niya na iyong mga ipapagawa sa kanila ni Jasper.

I sighed again. “Sorry… pero I just don’t see it happening. I mean, me confessing.”

I didn’t know if it’s just how I was raised… pero kasi Mom always told me that no matter how time passes by or how modern life may get, a guy should always make the first move. Kasi if a guy really likes you, he’ll do something about it. And kapag hindi, then it’s not meant to be.

Pero I already broke all the rules. I was already too obvious. Ang tanga na lang ni Jasper kapag hindi niya pa napansin.

Kellan didn’t say anything but, “Okay, Ma’am, noted.” But for some reasons, it felt like he was already up to something.

---

After an hour, nagulat na lang kami kasi Jasper went out of the guest house—all prepared. There were obvious bags under his eyes. Ano’ng oras na naman kaya siya natulog? Hindi ko kasi nasilip kagabi kasi baka naman ma-weirduhan si Cohen sa akin if I just barge inside his room.

Yesterday, I thought that he’d be the one to ride with me again. I mean, yes, it’s been fun with Kellan and Nico, but I liked it better when Jasper’s sitting beside me.

Pero after what happened yesterday, I kinda expected this treatment from him. It’s a warranted reaction, too, so I couldn’t take it against him.

My whole day was boring because Jasper was being dull again. I couldn’t even feel him looking at me. It was like he was completely ignoring me, which was driving me insane. Hanggang pag-uwi ko tulog, dala-dala ko na ’yung bad mood ni Jasper.

“Free your Friday night, Siobhan,” Mom said during the breakfast the next morning.

“Okay,” I replied. When it came to family matters, I really try to be as compliant as possible. My parents give us everything, the least we could do is to make life easier for them. Wala naman sa aming magkakapatid ang nagpahirap sa kanila. I mean, they deserve the best, honestly.

After that, diretso na naman ako sa work. Honestly, okay na rin siguro ’to na busy ako so that hindi ko masyadong maiisip si Jasper. I mean, yes, guilty talaga ako, but I shouldn’t let that affect my work. I worked hard para dito…

During break time, nakita ko na naman sila Kellan. Nico was the one who was eating and it was Kellan who was in charge to look after me.

“Kumain na ba si Jasper?” I asked. Ito na lang ’yung connection ko kasi sa kanya… to ask if kumain na ba siya or what.

“Di ko sure, Ma’am, pero kasama naman niya si Sir Evan.”

“Best friend ba sila ni Evan?” I asked. There were plenty of times na nahuhuli ko sila na nag-uusap talaga nang seryoso. And madalas after nila mag-usap, kunot-noo talaga si Jasper.

Kellan looked at me, like he was uncertain if he’d tell me or not. So, I prodded. “Come on, tell me. It’s not like the situation will get any worse pa, no.”

“Di ko sure, Ma’am, pero ang alam ko, ’di ba may asawa na si Sir Evan?” he asked and I nodded. I remember that since medyo napagtaasan ako ng boses ni Jasper when I asked about Evan. “Tapos ’yung kapatid ata nung asawa ni Sir Evan, ex ni Sir.”

Nanlaki ’yung mga mata ko tapos nabulunan naman si Nico. “Si Helene?!” I asked and then inabutan ko si Nico ng glass of water.

Kellan nodded. “Opo, Ma’am.”

“You knew all this time?! Tapos ’di mo sinabi sa akin?!”

“Di naman kayo nagtanong, Ma’am!” Kellan defended.

I wanted to pull his hair, but I was too surprised to even do so. I mean, sister in law ni Evan si Helene?! Kaya ba ganoon na lang siya ka-against sa kung anuman ang meron sa amin ni Jasper?

But if what Kellan said was true, Helene is already an ex… Pero bakit ganon pa rin siya? Still, something was not adding up.

“Kahit na!” I told Kellan.

“Yan hirap sa inyo, Ma’am. Ayaw niyo magtanong tapos, nagagalit kayo. ’Wag ganon,” Kellan said, scratching the back of his head.

“Paano mo nalaman?” I asked, instead.

“Minsan naririnig ko lang sila mag-usap ni Sir Evan. ’Di naman ako tanga kaya gets ko pinag-uusapan nila kahit wala silang pangalan na binabanggit,” Kellan replied. I was listening intently, while Nico was listening, too, habang may chicken leg sa bibig niya. Siya na ’yung kumain nung food na provided for me nung company na ginawan ko ng campaign.

“But if ex niya talaga si Helene—”

“Tanungin niyo na lang si Sir Jasper, Ma’am. O kung matapang kayo, si Sir Evan,” Kellan said, being his usual annoying self. Tinignan ko siya nang masama.

Hanggang matapos iyong lunch, wala ng masabi sa akin si Kellan kasi nga limited lang din daw iyong alam niya. Hindi kasi sila magka-batch ni Jasper sa military academy kaya hindi niya rin masyadong alam.

I was tempted to ask Addie to investigate further, but a part of me didn’t want to. I still wanted to respect Jasper’s right to privacy.

Paglabas ko ng dressing room, nakita ko agad si Jasper. He was standing outside, like he was contemplating on whether he’d go inside or not.

“Hey,” I said. He looked at me. His face was again void of any emotion. I hated how this felt. I hated how we seemed to have gone back at the beginning.

He was just staring at me.

I was telling myself to talk to him.

“About last time…” I began and wished that he’d look me in the eye like he used to. I hated the coldness in his eyes. I wanted him to melt me with his stares. Like before.

“What?” he asked. His voice was empty. It hurt.

I wanted to tell him na ‘wag naman ganito, Jasper…’ but that would be too assuming of me.

“Nothing. Just… sorry,” I said and tried to smile. “Basta, sorry.”

“Why?” he asked.

“Because I feel like you’re mad at me,” I told him.

“I’m not.”

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

He didn’t have a response.

“See? You’re avoiding me. Please don’t okay?” I asked him. Tinignan ko siya sa mga mata niya. Hindi ko alam bakit parang ang sakit na makita na ganito kami.

Na wala pa naman, pero ang sakit-sakit na.

“I’m… trying.” My best to be happy with what we have even though you’re confusing the hell out of me.

He didn’t say a word.

Ang hirap. Na wala ka namang right magdemand.

Maybe this was the thing with being in a gray area. Hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar.

After that, I left him. My chest was beginning to tighten at the mere sight of Jasper. May mga ganoong tao siguro talaga… Na may capacity para saktan tayo without even exerting much effort…

Naka-salubong ko si Evan. I didn’t know what came into me para tawagin siya.

“Evan,” I said. He stopped and looked at me. “Can we talk?”

“About?” he asked.

“Jasper,” I bravely said.

Evan sighed—like he knew this was coming. He should. He’s being really unfair. If Jasper wanted to be with me, why was so against it? If there’s a valid reason, shouldn’t I at least know? Kasi parang sobrang unfair nito. Feeling ko pinaglalaruan nila ’yung feelings ko sa push and pull na ginagawa nila.

“Not Jasper,” he just said.

“Why not?” I retorted.

“I’m sure there are plenty of guys out there,” he replied.

“But what if I want him?”

“You can’t.”

“But what if I can?”

Umiling siya. “He won’t,” he said like he’s certain that Jasper really wouldn’t. But I knew Jasper. I knew that look in his eyes.

Alam ko na konti na lang, bibigay na siya. Because if not, he wouldn’t care much na pinakilala ko siya bilang body guard ko.

“But I can, Evan,” I said, staring at him intently. He should know that this time, I meant business. I like Jasper so freaking much that it was starting to affect every aspect in my life. And if he’s the only one standing in the way, he should at least give me a valid reason.

Because even if I like him so freaking much, I still could understand reason.

But he should give me something.

Hindi ’yung ganito.

“So, please,” I pleaded. “Just tell me why not…”

He remained silent.

I cocked my head and looked at him. “Okay,” I said, finally accepting the fact that I’d get nothing from him. “But don’t blame me for doing what I have to do, because I already asked,” sabi ko bago ako nagsimulang umalis.

“Maggie—” he said, making me stop from my tracks.

“Trust me, Evan. I can,” I said.

Chapter 22

#COMM

Chapter 22

Right after my confrontation with Evan, I decided to multi-task. Of course, I still had to work kasi hindi talaga ako papayag na mauwi sa wala lahat ng pinaghirapan ko. But still, I had my eyes on Jasper.

I already asked all the people I needed to ask.

Jasper said there’s no girl.

Evan was keen on keeping me in the dark.

I mean, as far as my conscience goes, wala naman akong ginagawang masama. I was not hiding anything… though try would still be futile. Because when it came to First Lieutenant, I was transparent—more than what I’d permit myself to be.

After the first batch of shoot, I slumped on my chair. Pagod na akong ngumiti at magpose sa harap ng camera, but I love what I do. And although my parents weren’t very supportive of me wearing revealing clothes in front of the camera, they’re still trying their best to be okay with what I do. And for that, I am very thankful with the life I am living.

“Gutom na kayo?” I asked. Only Kellan and Nico were with me dahil usually talaga ay may naiiwan sa labas para magbantay. I had long given up on knowing why—it seemed like they’re following a protocol of some sort. Ewan. Magulo ang world ng military… kasing gulo ni First Lieutenant.

“Okay lang po, Ma’am,” Kellan answered, while Nico shook his head. Natawa ako nang mahina. Nico’s one, weird guy. I mean, his body’s firm but his face looked very innocent, pero para siyang palaging gutom kapag kumain. It’s like he’s a walking contradiction.

Nang makita ni Kellan si Nico na umiling, sabi niya, “Kain ka na. Ako muna magbabantay dito kay Ma’am.”

“Kain na kayo,” I told them. Sobrang natutuwa talaga ako sa friendship ni Nico and Kellan. Lalo na si Kellan because he’s always looking after Nico’s welfare. Parang baby brother niya si Nico.

“Hindi pwede na maiwan ka, Ma’am,” Kellan said. “Pero kain ka na, Nico. Baka himatayin ka at tumawag na naman sa ’kin nanay mo.”

Gosh. Ang cute talaga nila.

“Uhm… just call Jasper and tell him to guard me.”

Nanlaki ’yung mata ni Nico. “Ay, Ma’am, ’di na lang po pala ako kakain.”

“No. Sige na. Tell him na sabi ko.”

Nico shook his head. “Ma’am naman…” sabi niya na parang nagmamakaawa. Parang nagflashback din siya sa time na almost a month ako na nawala tapos kung anu-ano ang pinagawa sa kanila ni Jasper.

But I was adamant. Kung dati, marami akong kino-consider, now, I decided that I was not doing anything wrong naman. Kasi ang rule ko lang naman talaga is ayoko makiagaw sa guy ng iba. I learned that that’s never a good idea… I mean, would you even feel good about yourself while knowing na may inagawan ka? Sobrang active pa naman ng conscience ko.

Nico went out with a heavy heart. Sobrang scared talaga niya kay Jasper. I mean, sure, Jasper looked strict… but hindi naman siya ’yung tipo na inconsiderate. Kahit nga before na ayaw niya sa akin, he was really nice nung iyak ako nang iyak because of Aidan.

Or maybe pissed siya kasi iniiyakan ko ’yung ibang lalaki? Sobrang feeler ko na yata!

“Ma’am, ikaw, ha…” Kellan said, eyeing me.

“What?” I said, feigning innocence. Kellan grinned and then showed me two thumbs up. “Wala akong ginagawa,” I just continued.

A few seconds later, dumating na si Jasper. He was walking while Nico was trailing behind him. As usual, he was wearing his dull boy face again. I was beginning to miss him being quite playful. Bakit naman kasi kailangan pa naming makasalubong si Aunt Beatrice. Ni hindi man lang tuloy tumagal ng one day ’yung nice mood ni First Lieutenant.

Upon seeing Jasper, I smiled agad. Baka mahawa siya sa good mood ko.

“Uhm, I told them they can eat na. Ikaw muna dito sa akin,” I said, looking straight into his eyes. Kumunot nang kaunti iyong noo ni Jasper—probably surprised by sudden brazen attitude. Sure, I was raised by a conservative family, but I was also always told to go after what I want.

And I want Jasper.

Like so freaking bad.

And so long as I wasn’t breaking any rules, I didn’t see why I should stop myself from going after him.

Maybe Jasper was still taken aback by what I said, so I took the opportunity to push Kellan and Nico away.

“Sige, eat na kayo,” I told them, gently pushing them out of the door. Tapos si Kellan, nagawa pang may thumbs up sa akin! Si Nico naman, nagkamot lang ng ulo tapos medyo scared pa ’yung face niya.

When it was only Jasper and I inside, I looked at him and smiled. Basta smile lang ako hanggang mainis siya at maggive in.

“Max siguro, 3 hours na lang ’yung shoot for this ad,” I told him. “I have crackers here if gutom ka na talaga,” I said and then got a pack from my bag and offered to him.

“No, I’m good,” he shortly replied.

“Sure ka?” He nodded. “Talaga?” pangungulit ko. I just didn’t like this kind of conversation. I mean, okay naman ako sa silence niya, but not this kind. Like we just went back to the start na hindi ko pa alam kung ayaw niya ba sa akin or gusto.

“Yes.”

Tss. Ayan na naman siya sa one-word niya.

“Fine. Suit yourself,” I said tapos kinuha ko na ’yung packed salad for me. Hindi kasi pwede kumain ng heavy because kita yata ’yung tummy ko sa next shoot. Ang higpit pa naman sa modelling world. Tumaba ka lang ng konti, pig na ’yung tawag sa ’yo.

So, I began to eat while Jasper was just standing in front of me. I was enjoying eating my salad and watching Jasper when my phone vibrated. It was Aidan. Tinignan ko if nakita ni Jasper na si Aidan ’yung tumatawag, pero hindi nama. Kasi ni hindi nga niya ako tinitignan, e! Grabe talaga if he’s still mad sa akin dahil sa sinabi ko kay Auntie!

I took my phone and tumalikod muna ako kay Jasper bago ko sinagot ’yung call.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Hey… are you free?” Aidan asked.

“Uhm, no. I have work, unlike you,” I told him. He’s like a distant cousin of the ninth in line to the crown. So, I was not completely sure, but he’s like a part of the English monarch. Ewan. Hindi ako masyadong interested sa parte na ’yun ng buhay ni Aidan.

Aidan laughed. “But can I see you after work?”

“There’s a part on Friday, as I’m sure you’re aware. You’ll see me there,” I said. I was trying in my own way to tell him to just stop trying altogether. It’s just… done. The best I could offer was friendship.

I heard him sighing. “Alright, then. But promise me a dance?”

“I’ll think about it,” I said and then felt Jasper shifting behind me. Napa-lingon tuloy ako at nakita ko siya na naka-tingin sa akin. So, that was why I suddenly felt uncomfortable!

“Please?” Aidan pleaded.

“You’re so annoying,” I said.

“You know I’m relentless, love,” he replied.

“Fine,” I said, sighing. Thankfully, Aidan said he wouldn’t disturb me na as I was working. But truth was, tensed ako sa tingin ni First Lieutenant.

Pagkababa ko nung tawag, tinignan ko si Jasper.

“What? Were you listening to my call?” I asked him.

“It’s a part of my job, Ma’am.”

I gritted my teeth. Kulang na lang talaga sabunutan ko siya tuwing sinasabi niya sa akin ’yang part of his job mantra niya! Like he’s convincing himself na kaya lang siya nasa tabi ko was because of his job.

This was the reason why I should really push him to the edge. Kasi masyado siyang in denial.

“Ah… sabi mo nga pala, if I were shagging someone, you’ll be outside the door din, ’di ba?” I asked him. Napaawang na naman ’yung labi niya. I was really surprising him with the sudden change of my attitude. “But it’s not as if you’ll enjoy listening naman, right?”

Nagtitigan kami ni Jasper. Of course, hindi ako nagpatalo! I’m a Gomez de Liaño. Hindi ako nagpapatalo, lalo na kapag alam ko na tama naman ako and wala namang nasasaktan sa ginagawa ko.

“Right,” he said after a few seconds of staring right into my eyes. But parang napilitan lang siya na sabihin.

“Right,” I repeated his word. I tried to bite my tongue to stop myself from infuriating him more, but I was really getting tired of this game we’re playing. It’s been months. It was starting not to be fun anymore.

Hindi masaya maghabol. Palagi.

It’s nice to feel wanted.

“There’s a party on Friday,” I said at saka tinalikuran siya. Humarap ako sa salamin at saka tinanggal iyong suot ko na earrings. I was staring at my own reflection, but I could see him looking at me. My top was open at the back part and I was not wearing any bra. I could see him trying not to look at my back.

“If anything happens, try not to listen so much,” I continued, locking eyes with him through the mirror.

---

Come Friday night, the party was already just a few hours away. My entire family was required to attend. Nandun lahat ng iniiwasan ko na kamag-anak, but family is family.

I was wearing a black floor-length strapless dress and I just curled my hair a little. I was barely wearing any makeup because my face was covered in heavy makeup all week because of work.

Pagbaba ko, nakita ko na agad sila Kellan. They’re all dressed in suits. Seriously, if hindi lang mainit sa Manila, I’d require them to wear suits kasi sobrang bagay! Para na silang men-in-black!

“Ang ganda mo, Ma’am,” sabi ni Nico.

Siniko siya ni Kellan. “Kay Sir na ’yan.”

“Sinabi ko lang na maganda! Hindi ko naman aagawan si Sir. Takot ko lang,” Nico said. Napailing ako.

Napa-tingin ako kay Evan. He looked at me and just nodded. Sungit talaga. Paano kaya nito napasagot iyong asawa niya e puro sungit lang ang alam niya?

“Where’s Jasper?” I asked Kellan—who seemed surprised din kasi I never ask about Jasper kapag nasa paligid si Evan. But after our little talk, I figured that everything’s fair game na. I was honest with him naman. He’s the one who’s not transparent.

“May binalikan lang po sa guest house,” Kellan replied.

I nodded. “Okay, sige, una na kayo,” I said kasi I wanted to drink water first bago kami pumunta sa party. Never naman ako nakakain nang maayos sa mga party kasi puro lang naman pakikipagkilala sa mga tao na never ko naman nakikita on normal days. It’s what my family calls as making necessary connections.

They went to their respective car while I went to the kitchen first to get water. After that, I was heading to the car because I was riding with Nico and Kellan. Pagbukas ko ng sasakyan, napa-kunot ang noo ko.

“Uh… why are you here?” I asked. I took a step back pa and made sure na nasa Rover ako kasi Everest ’yung backup car na sinasakyan nila Evan and Jasper.

“Change of plans,” he simply required.

“Uh… I’m not aware?”

“It’s part of the—”

“Job, I know,” I cut him off and sumakay na ako sa sasakyan. Nakaka-trigger lang talaga sa akin ’yung pagbanggit niya sa job na ’yan. Good thing there’s a seat divider kaya hindi ko siya masyadong katabi.

I was silent on the way to the party. Partly siguro because I was tired from all the work I did this week—partly because I was thinking of my game plan. Nakita ko kasi na triggered na si Jasper sa sinabi ko sa kanya last time. Tignan mo ngayon, katabi ko na ulit siya sa car!

Pagdating sa venue, nauna si Jasper bumaba. I stayed inside the car because I already saw Aidan approaching. It’s Aidan’s hobby to help me get down sa car. He always carried my things din. He treated me like a princess talaga, so siguro medyo naninibago lang ako sa almost invisible treatment ni Jasper sa akin.

Pero for some weird reasons, mas lalo naman akong nagce-crave sa attention niya! Sobrang gulo ko lang din!

But when the door opened, I was surprised to see Jasper extending his hand.

“What… are you doing?” I asked, perplexed.

“Let’s go,” he said, still extending his hand.

“You never helped me get out of the car,” I stated.

Instead of answering, he reached for my hand and then assisted me down. To say that I was shocked would be an understatement! I was frozen! Because he was holding my hand and there were so many people!

“Thanks, man. I’ll take it from here,” Aidan said, approaching us and forcefully taking my hand from Jasper. Tapos feeling ko mababalian ako ng buto kasi nag-aagawan sila sa kamay ko!

Nang finally, Jasper let go, hinawakan ni Aidan iyong kamay ko. He leaned in and whispered, “You owe me a dance.”

“O-okay…” I answered, looking at Jasper who’s looking at us with his jaw clenched.

Aidan gently pulled me towards the door. Tahimik na naka-sunod sa amin si Jasper.

“Sorry, guards are only allowed up to here,” Aidan said to Jasper. Hindi kasi nagpapapasok ng security sa loob dahil may sariling security ang bahay nila Abuelo.

I looked at Jasper. He was clenching his jaw so hard and his hands were fisted!

“I’ll be waiting,” Jasper replied, looking straight into my eyes.

Chapter 23

#COMM

Chapter 23

I felt guilty.

Really, really guilty.

I shouldn’t have looked at Jasper while Aidan was pulling me away. I couldn’t erase that look on his face—like I betrayed him. Like I should’ve done something…

Like I shouldn’t have let Aidan whisk me away like that.

“Do you plan on getting smashed tonight?” Aidan asked while I was being handed another flute of champagne. He quickly snatched the glass from my hand.

“Aidan,” I said, slightly irritated dahil kakatapos ko lang makausap si Abuela. She told me wasn’t the biggest fan of what I chose to do. Kasi bakit nga ba naman, ’di ba? Addie and Santi are freaking business geniuses, Maven’s doing very well in law school, Saint’s… well, the entire family’s happy with his girlfriend of choice. My other brothers, well, as long as they stay out of harm’s way and then public eyes, wala namang problema sa kanila.

And then there’s me.

And the pictures online of me wearing bikinis.

I felt like the freaking black sheep of the family.

Tapos… si Jasper.

“Come on, Maggie. You know it’s never a good idea to get wasted during events like this,” he calmly said even though I just snapped at him. “Besides, I heard your Abuelo’s making an announcement tonight. You don’t want to ruin that, right?”

I sighed. He was right. But of course, I couldn’t think straight lalo na at naaalala ko talaga ’yung mukha ni Jasper kanina nung iniwan ko siya. It’s really as if I just smacked a dagger right in his chest!

“Right,” I replied.

“Let’s get you some fresh air,” Aidan said, holding the small of my back and guiding me upstairs. Pagdating namin sa balcony, napa-tingin ako sa langit. I smiled at the magnificent view. Well, at least I got this thing right.

I was quietly staring at the sky when I felt Aidan standing beside me. Naka-hawak din siya sa railing habang naka-tingin sa taas.

“My dad just asked me if I’m interested to help in the family business,” he said.

“That’s great, Aidan!” I said, looking at him and smiling. I knew that he wanted to be a part of it, but was just afraid to ask his father.

“Yeah… but saying yes means that I need to go back to France.”

“Then go back,” I quickly replied. There was a pang of pain in his eyes. I should’ve hesitated. The abruptness in my voice hurt him.

But what good would pretending that something would happen do to him? E wala na talaga.

“Is there… really nothing, Maggie?” he asked, looking straight into my eyes.

I looked back at him. I needed him to feel the sincerity in my voice. I needed him to realize that things… once broken, there’s just no going back.

No matter how sorry you are.

Kapag sira na, sira na talaga.

“No,” I said. “I’m sorry, Aidan. There’s just nothing more I can offer…”

I said those words and looked at him. It killed me to hurt him like this, but there’s no other way. He couldn’t just continue hoping. Life goes on. Hurting is a part of living.

Life never stops when you get hurt.

You just have to be strong and embrace the pain.

Because it’s true, you know? What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

“So, this ends tonight, huh?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yeah, Aidan. I’m sorry.”

There was a glint in his eyes. I refused to believe that I was making him cry again. I didn’t want to be the one who makes him cry.

“It’s just… so fucking unfair. I did everything right. I became your friend first. I waited until you’re ready to be with me. I asked for your family’s permission. I never asked you to do anything you’re not ready for,” he said and then he smiled although a tear was threatening to fall.

I cupped his face and caressed his cheek. “It’s not your fault,” I said, hearing my heart breaking for him.

“It was my fault. I should’ve known that Ashley’s—”

“It’s already done, Aidan,” I cut him off. Hinawakan niya iyong kamay ko na nakahawak sa kanya. He took my hand and kissed it.

“I tried to do everything right… but I still lost you.”

My eyes began to water.

It just felt… real.

That tonight, we finally ended.

“I’m sorry we ended,” I said.

“I’m sorry I still love you,” he replied.

A tear fell from my eye. Why… did he love me this much?

Why… was it so easy for me to forget him and like someone else?

“Can I ask for something?” he said.

I nodded, tears continuing to fall. Because it just hurt. Seeing him hurting because of me hurt.

“Can I kiss you? For the last time?” he asked.

I didn’t have an answer.

I didn’t say yes… but I didn’t say no, either.

Until I saw him getting nearer… and felt his lips on mine.

And so I closed my eyes and let him kiss me. For the last time. For the love that was lost. And for the things that would just be mere memories.

“Goodbye, Aidan,” I said as I felt his lips leaving mine. Mabilis akong tumalikod at naglakad palayo sa kanya. My chest felt down casted. My eyes felt heavy.

The hall was dark. Everyone was downstairs. Tears were still falling.

Napahinto ako nang makita ko si Jasper sa harap ko. It was dark, but I knew it was him. I just knew it.

Sinubukan ko na maglakad nang diretso. I needed to go to the bathroom to fix myself. I was sure my eyes were blood red from all the crying I just did. Pero hindi ko magawa iyon dahil sa tuwing susubukan ko na maglakad, bigla siyang haharang.

“I’m not in the mood to play,” I told him. I couldn’t even breathe properly. This break-up was taking its toll on me. Matagal na nung naghiwalay kami ni Aidan, pero ngayong gabi ko naramdaman na tapos na talaga kami.

It felt like closure.

And it felt heavy on the chest.

“What do you want?” I asked him nang hindi niya pa rin ako paalisin. He was just standing in front of me, staring at me. Pinunasan ko iyong luha mula sa mga mata ko. “Look, I’m tired—”

“From kissing your ex?” he cut me off.

My lips parted. “What?” hindi makapaniwala kong tanong.

“Do you enjoy playing with feelings, Ma’am?”

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang isasagot ko sa kanya. My head was still throbbing from what happened, and Jasper wasn’t making it any easier.

“I don’t owe you any explanation,” I told him. I didn’t want him making me feel bad for feeling bad for what just happened with Aidan. I was entitled to feel bad. I was entitled to cry. I just broke up with the guy who I once believe was the one meant for me!

I tried to get pass him again, but I felt him holding my arm.

“Get your hand off of me,” I snapped at him. He didn’t move. I looked at him. “What do you want, Jasper?” I asked him.

“What do you want?” he asked back.

“I want to be alone.”

“Are you going to go back to him?” he asked.

“That’s really none of your business, Jasper.”

“Then, do you really enjoy playing with feelings, Ma’am?”

I tried to yank my arm away from him. “I don’t play with feelings, Jasper. Bitiwan mo nga ako!” sigaw ko pero hindi ko maalis ang hawak niya sa akin. His hold was firm. Like he didn’t have any intention of letting me go. “And why are you even here?! Bawal ka dito!”

I figured I wouldn’t get any answer from him, especially when he’s decided to play his silence card again.

“Do you enjoy playing with feelings, Ma’am?” he repeated.

“You’re one to talk. Hindi ba ikaw ’yung mahilig maglaro ng feelings?” tanong ko sa kanya. “What? Hindi ka makasagot?”

I saw him clenching his jaw. “I don’t play, Ma’am.”

I laughed at his face. “What? We’re both gonna ignore the fact that you’re playing with me? Na minsan, mabait ka… tapos ano? Biglang hindi mo ako papansinin? You can’t even decide on what you feel! So, please don’t accuse me of playing when you’re doing the playing yourself!” I said and tried to walk away from him, pero mas lalo lang humigpit ang hawak niya sa akin.

“Why did you kiss him?” he asked.

“Ano ba kita?”

Alam ko wala siyang sasabihin. Kasi d’yan naman siya magaling. Sa katahimikan niya. Na ginagamit niya para baliwin ako.

“Ano? Wala ka na namang masabi? I thought so,” I said and then slowly peeled his hand from my arm. Nagsimula akong maglakad nang maramdaman ko na naman iyong kamay niya sa akin. I turned around and faced him. “I wasn’t lying when I said that I wasn’t in the mood to—”

“What do you want, Siobhan?” parang hirap na hirap niya na sabi. Biglang napaawang iyong labi ko dahil sa paraan ng pagkakasabi niya. Na parang nahihirapan na siya… na parang ayaw niya ng labanan kung anuman ang humahadlang sa kanya.

“I want you to leave me alone!”

“I can’t,” he said, not even attempting to sound apologetic.

“You can’t give me what I want!”

“Do you want your ex?” he asked.

“Di ba nandun ka na rin? Sana bukod sa panonood sa amin, nakinig ka na rin!” I shouted at him because he’s being so annoying!

Jasper’s jaw clenched. “I’m going to ask you again, Ma’am. What do you want?” he asked, his eyes serious.

Gusto kong…

Gusto ko siya… Pero hindi ko alam kung paano. Kasi kung ako lang, alam ko kung ano ang gusto ko. Pero siya… hindi ko alam kung ano ang pumipigil sa kanya.

And I promised Evan that if someone’s gonna chase anyone, it’s gonna be Jasper.

“Kapag…” dahan-dahan kong sinabi at tinignan siya nang mabuti. “Kapag… sinabi ko bang ikaw, may gagawin ka?”

He nodded.

“I don’t believe you,” I said.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“I don’t need your sorry.”

And then I walked away again, but this time, I felt him pulling me towards him and then I felt his hands on both sides of my waist. “Jasper—”

“I need your permission,” he said, standing a little too close. I could feel him so close. I could feel him.

I gulped. The proximity was making it harder to breathe.

“A-about what?”

I saw him staring at my lips. Slowly, he brought his hand to my lips and I felt him grazing my lower lip with his thumb.

“You shouldn’t just kiss anyone,” he said, making my heart thump wildly inside my chest. Pakiramdam ko ay biglang nanuyo ang lalamunan ko.

“W-why were you even w-watching us?” I asked, my voice almost failing me. It always did. Pagdating kay Jasper.

“You threatened to kiss someone else.”

“If… I did—”

“You did, Ma’am,” he answered, his jaw clenching so bad. Like he wanted to break Aidan’s neck for kissing me.

“It’s not a part of your job,” nilakasan ang loob na sabi ko.

“When it comes to you, the lines I don’t usually cross become lines I’m always willing to cross,” he said. I saw his Adam’s apple move when he stared at my lips again. “And I’m not one to take threats lightly, Ma’am,” he said and then freaking graze his thumb against my lips.

Para akong bigla na lang mawawalan ng hininga dahil sa ginagawa niya. He was holding my waist with just one hand, but I still felt trapped. He was so strong… but the way he was touching my lip made me feel so weak.

Like he didn’t want to hurt me.

But like I hurt him for kissing someone else.

“W-when did I do that?”

Huminto siya sa paghaplos sa labi ko at tinignan ako sa mata.

“Last Tuesday, 3:25pm. ‘There’s a party on Friday. If anything happens, try not to listen so much.’ Those were your exact words, Ma’am,” he said, and then his eyes went on my lips again. I couldn’t focus with him looking at my lips like that.

“T-that was a threat?”

“Yes, and you shouldn’t do that again, Ma’am.”

“B-bakit?”

“Because there’s no telling what I can do when threatened, Ma’am,” he said and then tightened the hold on my waist.

Like a good girl, I nodded… because Jasper being like this was making me weak. Jasper being this near was making me wanton.

“O-okay…” I said. “P-pwede mo na ba akong bitawan?” I asked. We were still at my grandparents’ house, and there’s no telling who might just see us here. This close.

“I still haven’t asked for the permission, Ma’am.”

“H-ha? What permission?”

Jasper was staring right into my eyes.

“I need the permission to kiss you,” he said, his eyes almost melting my lips.

Chapter 24

#COMM

Chapter 24

My heart.

Ang bilis.

“T-talaga?” sabi ko na kahit ako ay nabigla sa lumabas sa bibig ko! Hindi na ako makapag-isip dahil sa mga lumalabas sa bibig ni Jasper at sa paraan ng pagtingin niya sa akin.

A light chuckle escaped from Jasper’s lips. He slowly nodded and lightly touched the side of my face. “Yes, Ma’am.”

Kinagat ko ’yung ibabang labi ko. Bakit ba bigla akong kinikilig kapag tinawag niya ako ng Ma’am? I was usually pissed because it reminded me of the times na sinasabi niya na dahil lang sa trabaho kaya siya nasa tabi ko.

“You have a room here?” he asked.

“Excuse me?!” biglang pagtaas ng boses ko. Muntik ko ng yakapin iyong sarili ko at itulak siya!

A small smile appeared on his face. “I can’t kiss you after seeing you kiss your ex. Need you to wash your lips,” he explained. “But good to know where your head is at,” he continued, placing a kiss on the top of my head.

Napaawang iyong labi ko.

“I wasn’t thinking about anything!”

“Sure,” he replied, his hands left my waist and now his left hand was holding my hand. As we made way towards my room, I kept on explaining that I wasn’t thinking about anything, while Jasper was biting his lip in an attempt to hide his smile.

“I really wasn’t thinking about anything!” I shouted while I was in the CR, washing my lips—as per First Lieutenant’s instruction, to wash my lips thoroughly.

Paglabas ko, nakita ko agad si Jasper na nakatayo sa harap ng pinto—like he was waiting for me to come out. I abruptly stopped because he was just there, standing and staring at me like I’d disappear any second.

“W-what?” I asked, feeling slightly embarrassed at the way he’s looking.

Imbes na sumagot, inangat niya iyong kamay niya at marahan na hinawakan iyong pisngi ko. It felt really good to have him touch me like this. Because God… I had longed for him to hold me like this.

“You’re so beautiful.”

I blushed.

I was sure I was red down to my neck.

Bakit ganito ang biglang lumalabas sa bibig niya?!

“Ah… thanks?” I replied, feeling weird that he’s being very vocal! I guessed, hindi pa ako sanay na biglang ganito siya! Siguro kung nandito si Nico at Kellan, mas malala pa ang reaction nila sa akin.

Suddenly, the temperature in the room felt like shooting up.

Bakit ang init bigla?!

“Uhm…” I said, shifting uncomfortably. Would he kiss me? As in now na? But the momentum’s gone kasi pinilit niya ako na magtoothbrush! Aidan just brushed his lips against mine, but Jasper made me brush my teeth like Aidan French kissed me!

“So, the weather’s nice, huh?” I said, trying to be at ease kahit na truth was, my heart’s seriously gonna pop out of my chest! Gosh! I’d been kissed plenty of times, but the thought of Jasper kissing me was making my head spin with all the possibilities!

I mean, is he a good kisser?

And if he’s not, would it even matter? Kasi the way he stares pa lang, I feel so good na agad.

Jasper was looking at me like I was sprouting weird things. Kasi naman! He’s being so vocal and it was throwing me off! I was used to be the one to make him uncomfortable, not the other way around! Hindi ako sanay na nilalandi niya ako!

“Ano’ng gagawin ko d’yan?” I asked when he offered me his hand.

“Hold my hand.”

Ayan. Namula na naman si Siobhan Margarette.

“Ganyan ka ba talaga? Sobrang honest? Walang filter?” I asked, trying to mask the embarrassment on my face as I slowly took his hand. Syempre! Aarte pa ba ako? I waited for this moment for so long!

And the good thing? Even though I had imagined this moment a hundred of times inside my head, it happening for real still felt a million times better than whatever scenario I had concocted inside my head.

Jasper feels like…

He feels like what dreams are made of.

“Only to you,” he said as he intertwined our fingers. Gosh. Ang lakas maka-high school, but gusto ko rin naman!

So, we’re standing in the middle of my room, holding hands. I was looking at him, and I was biting my lower lip so hard to stop myself from smiling.

“Are you… still gonna kiss me?” I asked. I just had to! I felt like my chest would explode in anticipation of the kiss!

“Of course,” Jasper replied, staring intently at me. Grabe siya.

“But, are we like together na?”

“Do you want to be together?” he asked.

“Of course,” I answered honestly.

“Can you even introduce me to your parents?” he asked.

“My parents aren’t matapobre, you know,” I defended my parents. My dad’s just really serious about his work, but he’s like one of the nicest guys I know. My mom, on the other hand, is pretty protective of me, but that’s only because she loves me so much. But alam ko naman na if they know na I’m happy, they always got my back.

“What about your other relatives?” he asked. The glint in my eyes probably disappeared. Jasper saw that. I felt him tightening his hold on my hand. “It’s okay,” he said.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

Jasper lifted my chin using his hand and made me look at him. “Don’t be,” he said.

“I’m just…” I trailed. I didn’t even have words to explain myself. Basta pagdating sa relatives ko, hindi ko mapaliwanag. I wasn’t exactly scared of them, but it’s instilled inside my mind not to ever disappoint them. “I’m sorry, Jasper,” I said, sighing. “But I promise I’ll tell them…”

I felt him cupping my face. I felt so relaxed with him holding me like this. It felt like home.

“Then let’s not be together,” he said.

I frowned. “But I want to be together…” I whispered.

“I don’t want you to lie for me.”

I appreciated the fact that he didn’t want me to lie, kasi ayoko rin naman. Every time I lie, I felt like a part of me was already burning away in hell. Bakit ba ako ganito mag-isip?

“But I don’t kiss someone who’s not my boyfriend. I’m not that kind of girl, you know,” I told him. Muntik na akong matawa sa reaction ng mukha ni Jasper. Ang cute ni First Lieutenant! Parang bata na inagawan ng candy!

I used my free hand to poke him in his stomach. Gosh. Ang tigas! Bunga ba ’to ng push-ups niya? And if that’s the case, dapat may credits ako sa abs niya!

“Ano? Still don’t want me to lie?” I asked, teasing him. I kept on poking him until I felt him groaning. “Ano? Ayaw na?”

Instead of answering, Jasper pulled me close and enclosed me inside his arms.

Gosh.

Was this the feeling of officially melting?

I felt his arms tightening around me. I felt him kissing the top of my head. I felt him smelling my hair.

“No,” he answered. “This is good enough for now,” he said… and I officially melted in First Lieutenant’s arms.

---

We hugged for 254 seconds.

I knew for sure, because I counted. Hindi kasi nagsalita si Jasper. He seemed contented to just have me inside his arms. Hindi na siya nagsalita pa.

After breaking the hug, Jasper held my hand. I initially suggested sitting on the bed, but Jasper was so against the idea of anything including the bed! As if naman! Ni hindi niya pa nga ako nahahalikan, feeling naman siya na papayagan kong may kung ano na mangyari!

So instead, we were standing sa gilid ng room. As in we looked weird na nakatayo lang sa isang gilid habang magkahawak ang kamay. Hindi sa veranda, because Jasper scowled upon hearing the word veranda ! I guess I should omit that word from my vocabulary.

“Paano ka nakapasok dito?” I asked while fumbling with his fingers. Ang tagal ko na kaya gustong gawin! But every time, I stopped myself because I kept on seeing Evan scowl at me!

“I have my ways,” he replied, just staring at me. Parang contented na siya na naka-tingin sa akin.

“Bakit ka ba ganyan tumingin? Hindi naman ako mawawala,” I said, trying to ease the feeling because he’s making my heart beat so fast sa paraan ng pagtingin niya!

“Just let me stare,” he said, caressing my hand with his thumb. Kilig ako talaga.

“Okay…” I said, biting my lips against because First Lieutenant was really making it hard not to squeal like a teenage girl.

For a few seconds, naka-tingin lang kami sa isa’t-isa. I stopped myself from smiling, but after a few seconds, bumigay din ako!

“We look stupid,” I said.

“No,” he replied.

“We’re two idiot standing and staring at each other.”

“Believe me, if there’s a choice, standing will be the last thing we’ll do,” sabi niya tapos nagblush na naman ako!

“E-ewan ko sa ’yo,” I said, trying to take my hand away from him, pero ayaw niya bitiwan! “Pahiram muna ng kamay ko.”

“You have two hands. Let me hold the left one,” he reasoned.

“I need both my hands.”

“Don’t be greedy. Let me hold the left one.”

“Jasper.”

“Siobhan,” he said. Napa-ngiti ako agad. Kainis! Name ko pa lang ang sabihin niya, kilig na ako!

I bit my lower lip hard para ’wag ngumiti masyado kasi sobra na siya magpakilig. Nagulat ako nang hawakan niy bigla iyong pisngi ko. Jasper’s forehead creased.

“It’s bleeding,” he said. He was staring intently at my lips, and that was when I noticed the metallic taste in my mouth.

Biglang umangat ang kamay ko para humawak sa labi ko, but Jasper already beat me to it. He carefully grazed his thumb against my lips. His face was so serious and he seemed so careful, like what he was doing was a matter of life and death.

My eyes zeroed in on him as he was wiping the blood from my lips. There was a slight crease on his forehead. Ang cute niya talaga kapag mukhang problemado.

“I won’t die from a little blood loss. ’Wag kang masyadong serious,” I kidded.

“Don’t bite your lips too hard,” he said.

“I’ll try,” I said, smiling at him because he looked much more gwapo up close.

“It’s unfair,” he said, sighing.

“What?”

“You can bite your lips when I can’t.”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko, and namula na naman ako! He’s just so blunt! He’s too much for my heart!

“Y-you wanna bite m-my lips?” I said, stuttering almost every word.

“You have no idea,” he said. He leaned in and I thought he was going to kiss me! Nagulat ako nang yakapin niya lang ako. But his hug was so tight, that I almost felt suffocated. But if this was the reason of getting suffocated? Not bad…

We stood there, hugging like it was the only thing to do.

“Siobhan?” he said after a few seconds of comfortable silence.

“Hmm?”

“I don’t want to pressure you, but please hurry and tell them about us,” he said, and I felt him planting a kiss on my bare shoulder.

Chapter 25

#COMM

Chapter 25

Our first day as something was freakishly hard. My whole family was weirded out dahil gising na agad ako ng 6am. I mean, it was a Saturday and I usually sleep in lalo na kapag pagod ako from work.

But because of Jasper, I woke up extra early. I wanted to see him, sue me.

“You’re in good mood,” Psalm noticed, eyeing me.

I shrugged and stuffed my mouth with a piece of whole wheat bread. I tried to slow down, but really, I was trying to eat fast para makalabas na ako. Ka-usap ko naman si Jasper last night, pero I missed him already.

Bakit ba ang clingy ko bigla? Balak ko pa yatang talunin si Jasper sa pagiging biglaang clingy niya.

After I was done eating, I went upstairs ulit and applied another coat of liptint. Bigla kasi akong na-conscious sa lips ko kasi Jasper kept on staring! As in unabashedly staring dahil wala naman siyang pakielam kahit mahuli ko pa siya na naka-titig sa labi ko. Ayan tuloy, dapat nasa state of perfection lagi ang lips ko dahil may fetish pala si First Lieutenant.

I had work scheduled this day and for the first time, I wished I had this day free. I was usually always eager to work, but gusto ko lang ng free time today and talk with Jasper.

“Stop, Maggie. Don’t be that girl whose life revolves around a guy. Work pa rin, okay?” I told myself as I was on my way outside. When I got out, I immediately saw the Protection Squad and they were complete. Kellan and Nico looked stupid dahil may binabato na food si Kellan tapos sinasalo naman ni Nico gamit ’yung mouth niya? Tapos Evan was texting someone—his wife siguro.

And there was Jasper.

My First Lieutenant.

A smile dawned on my face upon seeing him. Gosh. My face automatically heated up upon remembering how tightly he held me last night… tapos hawak niya lang lagi ’yung hand ko. And he kept on placing tiny kisses on the top of my head, my forehead, and my shoulders.

Should I tell my parents na kaya? I mean… until when is hug enough?

“Good morning,” I said, trying to keep my voice even dahil baka masyadong mahalata nila na may something. I mean, I could tell the twins naman since they’re super supportive, but Evan? I still wasn’t completely certain. If Jasper let me take my time before ko sabihin sa family ko, I’d let him do the telling kay Evan. Let them straighten out whatever issues they had.

Jasper was about to smile at me, when Evan raised his head to look at us. Ayan tuloy. Nawala ’yung smile ni Jasper.

“Good morning,” Jasper replied, his voice was impassive. But it’s okay. Alam ko naman na he would greet me nicely if only wala si Evan Sungit.

“Good morning, Ma’am!” Kellan greeted. He was smiling, and that’s telling me na he’s aware na something happened. Feeling ko talaga alam niya! Chismoso kaya ’yan si Kellan.

“Morning…” I said, trying to show na nothing good naman sa mood ko masyado, kahit na truth was, I wanted to pull Jasper and tell him to hug me na ulit.

Good thing Jasper already changed the arrangement back to normal kaya siya na ulit ’yung kasama ko sa car. Sobrang kaduda-duda naman kasi if bigla na lang ngayon na kasama ko na ulit siya! Kellan was eyeing me kaya last night kasi I was super smiling! Kasalanan naman ni Jasper! Kung anu-ano ang kalandian sinabi niya sa akin!

Me: What time ka natulog?

Jasper was looking straight ahead. I knew that his phone was always on vibrate, at na nasa pocket niya ’yun. I was waiting for him to get his phone, pero hindi niya pinapansin. So, while Manong Driver was driving, I poked Jasper and mouthed phone.

“What?” tanong niya na naka-kunot ang noo.

“Phone!” I hissed.

“I’m working,” sabi niya. Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mata. Dati naman, walang effect, pero biglang nagsigh si Jasper at inabot ’yung phone niya. Good to know na takot siya sa akin.

Upon reading my text, kumunot na naman ang noo ni First Lieutenant. A few seconds later, I received a text from him. I didn’t bother changing his name sa phone ko kasi baka mabasa ng kapatid ko(especially Psalm since he’s born pakielamero).

Dull Boy: I’m right beside you.

Me: But Manong’s with us.

Me: And he’s loyal to my parents.

Dull Boy: Are you going to say something indecent that you can’t say it in front of him?

Biglang namula iyong mukha ko. I saw Jasper shooting me a quick glance, and there was a hint of amusement on his face! Aba! Nawiwili na si First Lieutenant na tuksuhin ako. Hindi ’to pwede! I should be the one making him uncomfortable!

Me: I was going to ask for your opinion sa bikini na isusuot ko for the pictorial…

Me: It’s very tiny, Jasper…

And it was my turn to laugh dahil nakita ko kung paano mamula ang mukha ni Jasper hanggang sa leeg niya. I even saw him clenching his jaw and rearranging the way he sat down. Jasper, then, put his phone down and just looked straight ahead hanggang sa makarating kami sa venue. Tss. Ayan lang pala katapat.

I was about to talk to him pagbaba namin, pero naka-sunod na agad sila Evan sa amin. Tss. Hirap din pala ng may tinatago. Kahit hold hands lang sana…

I went inside na lang and prepped for the shoot. It was true naman na bikini ’yung pinapasuot sa akin kasi editorial for magazine. And I wasn’t even sure why I was still accepting these kinds of editorial kahit Abuela’s not very happy about this. Siguro, as a way of rebelling?

“Good morning, Sierra,” I greeted the makeup artist. I sat down and she started to do her magic. I usually close my eyes while getting makeup, but aware that Jasper’s just standing and I could see his reflection sa mirror, so I opened my eyes.

“I forgot to ask Manang to cook lunch,” I said. Sierra didn’t know my parents naman, so I felt kinda safe to talk to Jasper around her. “If late na tayo matapos, what do you want for lunch?”

“Later.”

I frowned. Ayan na naman siya sa later niya!

“Jasper,” I said in a warning tone. “Lunch? What do you want?”

“I’m working,” he replied. Sobrang serious niya na naman! Ano ba ang dapat kong gawin para kagaya lang siya nung last night? Should I pray na Sunday na agad para off-duty na agad siya?

“Fine. ’Di ’wag tayong kumain lahat,” I snapped at him. I just wanted him to eat lang naman. Ang tagal na issue ko na sa kanya ’yan, but hindi niya pa rin ako mapagbigyan. Of course, concerned lang naman ako kasi sabi nila Kellan, kaya ni Jasper kahit ilang days na walang food. Something about his training sa pagiging sniper kaya sobrang kaya niyang magtiis kahit ’wag gumalaw.

Sierra must’ve noticed the tension, so she subtly excused herself na may kukunin lang. Pag-alis niya, I continued to glare at Jasper, pero hindi ako nagsasalita.

“Siobhan,” he said in his malambing tone bigla. Ayan magaling ang lalaki. Kapag pissed na ’yung girl at saka magiging malambing. In the first place, dapat hindi niya ako iniinis kasi concerned lang naman ako sa kanya.

“What?”

“I’m working,” he said as if it was explanation enough.

“Pagwork ba, bawal kumain?”

Jasper sighed. “You don’t understand.”

“Then explain. I’m sure I’ll understand kasi hindi naman po ako stupid,” I sarcastically said tapos tumayo ako para may kuhanin sa bag ko.

But I freaking froze when I felt Jasper hugging me from behind.

“I’m always professional when it comes to work, but you always make me break my rules.”

I was about to bite my lips kasi kilig na naman ako, but I stopped myself kasi Jasper said na I shouldn’t bite my lips when he couldn’t even kiss me. Grabe talaga ’yung mga words niya!

“Gusto ko lang naman na kumain ka…” I whispered, still praying na ’wag muna bumalik si Sierra, because this position felt so comfortable.

“I don’t want to risk your safety,” he said. I felt sad nung maalala ko na Jasper’s still blaming himself dahil sa pagkamatay nung girl na binabantayan niya before.

“Nandyan naman sila Kellan,” I told him. “You trust them naman, ’di ba?” I held his hand na naka-encircle sa waist ko. Bakit sobrang sexy ng veins sa arms ni First Lieutenant? Why is everything about him so sexy?

Jasper sighed. “Fine,” he said.

I beamed. “Thanks, First Lieutenant.”

“It’s weird hearing you call me that.”

I broke the hug and faced him tapos ako naman ’yung yumakap sa kanya. I rested my face against his chest. I felt him din na he’s hugging me, too. I-lock ko kaya ’yung pinto? Pero baka naman magduda sila kung bakit naka-lock…

“Do you have your uniform with you sa guest house?” I asked.

“Yeah, why?”

“Can you wear it for me?”

“Why?”

“Nothing,” I said, but kinikilig na agad ako iniimagine ko pa lang na makikita ko si Jasper na naka-military uniform. He’s super sexy siguro lalo!

“You’re weird,” he said, then he kissed the top of my head na naman. I looked up to him and beamed. Tapos hindi napigilan ni First Lieutenant kasi napa-ngiti na rin siya sa akin. I wrinkled my nose and he stifled a laugh.

Tapos, when we heard the door being opened, nagulat ako sa bilis ng reflex ni Jasper! Biglang nasa kabilang dulo na siya ng room! He was standing like a monument. So, when Sierra entered, parang casual lang na nakatayo ako sa harap ng bag ko. Grabe talaga!

---

After work, there was a party thrown for the staff. It was at some club in Taguig. I wanted to go home na sana to rest (and talk to Jasper) pero the director insisted that I come… so, wala na akong nagawa.

I was wearing a leather skirt, white chiffon blouse, and black stilettos. My face was all made up din because of the makeup for the shoot. Paglabas ko ng dressing room, agad ko na nakita si Jasper. Buong shoot kasi, since bikini lang talaga ’yung suot ko, sa mukha ko lang naka-tingin si Jasper… which was adorable, in my opinion.

“I’ll try na maaga tayo makauwi,” I said. Alam ko rin naman na pagod na sila. And pagod na rin talaga ako from working all day. Jasper just nodded, tapos kinuha niya ’yung bag ko from my hand. “No, it’s okay. Makeup lang naman laman niyan.”

“I insist,” he said.

“Magaan lang naman.”

“I can’t even hold your hand in public. Let me, at least, carry your bag.”

Parang biglang nawala lahat ng pagod ko sa narinig ko from him. A smile appeared on my face. Kainis! Kilig na naman ako!

Pagdating namin sa car, nandun na agad si Manong kaya may bantay na naman kami. Kanina kasi while we were walking, sobrang hawk-eyed ni Evan! Ni hindi man lang ako maka-tingin kay Jasper ng longer than 5 seconds! Mamaya isumbong ako nun kina Abuelo, e!

Jasper opened the door for me (which was still a little weird since dati naman hindi niya ako pinagbubuksan ng door) tapos pumasok na ako. I told Manong na we’re going to Pool Club. Alam niya naman where ’yun since ’dun madalas si Psalm, that party boy.

I tried to take a nap first, pero aware na aware ako na katabi ko si Jasper. So, pinatong ko iyong bag ko sa armrest and reached for Jasper’s hand. Bigla siyang napa-tingin sa akin. Kinunutan ko siya ng noo.

Me: there’s a bag naman. Di makikita ni Manong

Dull Boy: At least warn me

Dull Boy: What if instead of my hand, you reached for something else?

Me: HOY

Me: Wag kang masyadong swerte!

My face was red dahil ayan na naman siya sa mga hirit niya. Tapos si Jasper, parang nagpipigil na ng tawa! Natukso niya na naman ako, kainis! But he looked so cute na ganyan na nagpipigil siya ng tawa!

So, when Manong pulled over, I took a deep breath and shouted, “You’re so annoying, Jasper!” I tried to sound so irritated talaga. I never shouted like this in my life! Manong seemed taken aback kasi usually laidback lang ako. “Manong, mag-uusap lang kami ni Jasper, umalis muna po kayo,” sabi ko na parang nagpipigil ng galit.

Manong went out, leaving me and Jasper. Jasper looked confused.

“What did I—”

But instead of letting him finish, I pulled him and hugged him. And upon feeling his skin against mine, I felt relaxed.

“Ssh,” I murmured, melting in his arms. “Five minutes.”

I felt Jasper kissing the top of my head. “Hug monster,” he said.

Chapter 26

#COMM

Chapter 26

Evan was looking at us suspiciously the moment we went out of the car. Sinamaan ko nga rin siya ng tingin! I mean, he’s Jasper’s friend, ’di ba? And if he’s happy to be with me naman, why was he being so epal? Ilang beses ko na kaya siyang tinanong! I’d be happy to help him fix whatever his problem was… pero paano ko ’yun magagawa if he’s not willing to tell me? Hindi naman ako manghuhula!

“Para kang tanga,” I told Kellan because he was smiling like an idiot and even wiggling his eyebrows.

“Five minutes, Ma’am,” sabi niya.

“Binilang mo talaga?”

He nodded. “Syempre, Ma’am! Dapat ginawa niyo ng seven minutes para parang ’yung Seven Minutes in Heaven!”

Bigla akong namula sa sinabi niya. Nasa harap lang namin si Jasper at Evan! Gosh talaga ’tong si Kellan! Minsan ang sarap lagyan ng masking tape ng mouth niya!

“Ano ’yung Seven Minutes in Heaven?” curious na tanong ni Nico.

“Hingi kang sample kay Ma’am at Sir,” sabi ni Kellan. Gosh. Papatayin niya talaga ako sa hiya!

Kellan was about to say something when he glanced at Jasper. Biglang namutla iyong mukha niya. I looked at Jasper, too, and his face was scary! I mean, he wasn’t growling or anything, but if looks could kill? Kellan’s definitely one, dead meat.

I shook my head and then began to go in. People were swarming… probably because it was Saturday? And it’s already almost 11pm… I just wanted to go home, pero work calls. I mean, kasama pa rin naman sa duty ko na pagbigyan ’yung boss ng brands na kumukuha sa akin, so there’s that.

We were ushered to the VIP area. It was pretty crowded and we all needed to get pass through the gyrating body of people. Nauna si Evan, then Kellan followed in suit.

“Akala ko ba no physical contact in public? “ I whispered when I felt him holding my waist. We were already walking. I thought it’s gonna be hard, but not really naman because Jasper was shielding me from all the people. It’s nice talaga to have a guy. Lalo na if he’d make you feel like a princess.

“I thought no teasing in public?” he whispered back in my ears. I wasn’t worried about Nico noticing us, because he’s too innocent to even notice what was actually happening.

“I said I’ll try lang,” I whispered again. Then, I felt his thumb gently caressing the side of my waist. Biglang namula iyong face ko. He’s so unfair! At madaya!

“Stop that,” I said.

“Eyes in front, Ma’am,” he said.

I glared at him bago tumingin sa harap ko. Upon reaching the VIP area, nakita ko na nandun na iyong ibang models nung brand. Nakita ko rin ’yung manager ko and iyong ibang staff nung magazine. I said hello to everybody muna. Kapag kasi hindi ako naghi, they’d think na I’m a snob… tapos madadamay na naman iyong connection ko sa de Marco… kahit wala namang connection ’yun sa work ko. Kaya I always need to be in my best behavior, kasi damay lagi family ko kung anuman ang gawin ko.

The Protection Squad was standing on one side. Ganito kasi talaga sila kapag umaattend ako ng events… nasa gilid lang sila. Ilang beses na akong nagtry na isama sila sa party, kasi I wanted them to have fun din, but they’re always adamant to focus on their work instead.

“Hey, Maggie,” Yan, one of my co-models, said. I rarely talked to her since I got this feeling na ayaw sa akin ng halos lahat ng co-models ko… I mean, if ayaw nila sa akin, e ’di ’wag. I have lots of brothers and cousins, so I’m good.

“Hi,” I replied, smiling a little.

“Is he single?” she asked and then indiscreetly pointed at Jasper. Aba.

“No,” I replied, slightly creasing my forehead.

“Aww. Ang sad naman,” she said, laughing a little. “But I don’t see any ring on his finger. As far as I’m concerned, he’s still a fair game,” sabi niya at saka tumayo. Hindi ko alam, pero bigla akong nagka-urge na hatakin siya paupo at itali sa sofa!

Yan reached for a shot glass of Cuervo and downed it. “Wish me luck,” she said, even winking at me! I gasped when I saw her walking towards Jasper—who had no freaking idea because he was observing the whole place!

Oh, wow! Why are there girls who wouldn’t back off kahit na hindi na nga single?!

I didn’t know what the heck was wrong with me, but I was probably too stunned that I froze when Yan approached Jasper and encircled her arms around his neck and pulled his head down to kiss him!

“You slut,” I hissed. I was never one to put down girls, but how could you even respect someone who clearly has no respect of someone else’s relationship?!

Good thing Jasper’s quick reflex helped, because he quickly dodged Yan’s attempt—pero sa neck ni Jasper umabot ’yung kiss ni Yan! I was fuming mad kaya napaabot din ako sa Cuervo and downed two shots consecutively!

“You okay?” Sierra asked.

“No,” I snapped. I just watched my someone get kissed by someone else! All I ever got from him was a freaking hug! Tapos naunahan pa ako ni Yan na makahalik! Ugh! I was so pissed!

I was gritting my teeth when I saw Yan playfully smiling at Jasper. Ayaw pa talaga niya na tanggalin iyong tentacles niya around Jasper’s neck! She even had the audacity to trace Jasper’s chest using her fingers! Ito namang si Jasper, he’s strong enough to evade the attack, but he’s not even trying hard enough to get her off of him .

Ugh! Sabi na nga ba, we should’ve headed home instead!

I was on my way to my next shot, when I saw Nico standing in front of me.

“Ma’am, bawal daw po kayo malasing ng sobra,” he said.

“I’m not drunk,” I said and then stood up and headed towards the dance floor. Nico hurriedly followed me, but I was walking so fast na nakarating agad ako sa dance floor. Bigla siyang nawala. It was so freaking crowded kaya hindi ko na alam kung nasaan ako. I was barely standing for a few seconds, but a guy immediately stood in front of me.

“Hi,” he introduced himself. “You’re Maggie, right? I’m Justin Ramirez, son of Congressman Ramirez. We’ve met a couple of times…” he said. I arched my brow at him. I was not in a pleasant mood. Tumingin ako sa itaas at nakita ko na si Kellan naman ang kausap ni Yan. Nasaan na si Jasper?!

I was looking for Jasper when the guy in front of me kept on blabbering. I wasn’t exactly listening, since my attention was solely focused on looking for Jasper.

Then I froze.

When I felt the guy’s hand up my butt.

What the—

“You wanna get out of here?” he whispered, caressing my behind. I froze. My heart started beating wildly inside my chest. I wanted to punch him in his stupid face, but my body wouldn’t move. I felt… scared.

Sobrang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko.

I had never been in this kind of situation.

I had always thought that I was prepared… pero iba pa rin pala kapag nararanasan mo na mismo iyong mapagsamantalahan. It would just… downright freeze you.

And then I heard the guy yelping in pain.

And then there was Jasper, looking murderous.

“You fucking piece of shit!” the guy shouted. Jasper twisted his arm and his jaw was clenched. May ilang napa-tingin sa amin. Some started to put out their phones and capture pictures and videos. Mas lalo akong nakaramdam ng takot.

My Abuela would kill me if they hear about this.

Evan was abruptly in the picture. He whispered something in Jasper’s ear. Suddenly, Jasper turned at me. His face was… scary. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sinabi niya, pero bigla na lang na nilapitan ako ni Jasper at saka nilagay niya iyong kamay niya para matakpan iyong mukha ko.

Everything happened so fast.

Suddenly, we were outside.

Hindi ako makagalaw. I could still feel my heart beating so fast… Ngayon ko lang naranasan ang ganoon. Maybe this was the reason why my parents were adamant on getting me bodyguards. Because not everyone in this world is nice.

Naka-tingin ako kay Jasper. Nagulat ako dahil biglang naka-talikod siya sa akin. I could see his shoulders going up and down—like he was trying to breathe hard and calm himself down.

“I’m… sorry,” I managed to say after a minute of complete silence. Tahimik pa rin si Jasper. “I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry, Jasper.”

Naka-tayo ako roon, hinihintay na magsalita siya. I was willing to accept whatever he’d say to me, kasi alam ko naman na ako iyong may mali. Palagi nilang sinasabi sa akin nila Kellan na dapat kahit saan ako magpunta, kasama ko sila. Even Evan was clear on telling me that they’d protect me at whatever cost.

But because I was blinded with jealousy, I did an impulsive thing.

“It was my fault. I shouldn’t have went there without your permission,” sabi ko pero tahimik pa rin siya. He was clenching and unclenching his fists. He must’ve been real pissed at me.

Hindi ko alam pero bigla akong napa-hatak pababa sa suot kong palda. “I… should’ve covered myself more. I’m sorry…”

Hindi ko alam kung saan ako magsisimula. Hindi ko alam kung kasalanan ko ba kung bakit ako nabastos. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ko nagawang ipagtanggol iyong sarili ko. I didn’t know whom to blame, but myself.

I was thinking of a possible explanation when Jasper finally faced me. Gone was the frightening look on his face.

“Siobhan…” he said, his voice was gentle. I suddenly felt like crying and hugging him.

“I’m sorry…”

He sighed. “It’s not your fault. Don’t be sorry.”

Umiling ako. “No, it’s my fault. Kasi siguro sobrang igsi ng suot ko kaya akala niya pwede akong ganunin…” I wasn’t even used to wearing something as revealing as this lalo na kapag nasa Pilipinas, kasi alam ko naman na dala-dala ko lagi iyong pangalan ng family ko. Ito lang kasi ’yung pinasuot sa akin.

“Come here,” he said.

“Galit ka?”

“No.”

“Sure ka? Nakakatakot ka kanina…” I told him. I seriously thought he was going to do something to the perv. I suddenly felt scared for Jasper. Kasi if that was the Congressman’s son, I was sure there’d be serious repercussions.

“I’m fine now,” he said. Hindi ako nakagalaw kaya naman siya iyong lumapit sa akin. “Were you scared?”

I nodded like a kid. “I thought I could fight him… but while I was in the situation, I just froze. I’m sorry.”

Jasper gently pulled me towards him and embraced me. I felt him sighing as I was inside his arms. He kissed the top of my head again. “It’s not your fault. Stop saying sorry.”

“But—”

“Even if you’re covered from head to toe, if the guy’s an asshole, nothing can stop him from harassing women,” he said.

“Kahit na… I promise I’ll never wear something like this again…”

He suddenly broke the hug and looked at me. “I don’t want you scared. I’m here. I promise I’ll protect you,” he said, looking me in the eyes.

“But you were letting some girl kiss you kaya ’di mo napansin na umalis ako…” I said, suddenly feeling back all the jealousy that resulted to that unfortunate event.

“No,” he replied, firmly.

“She kissed your neck!” biglang tumaas iyong boses ko. “And all I ever get from you is a hug!”

“It’s been one day since I told you I like you. What are you expecting, Ma’am?” he asked, amused that I was pissed.

“Ah, ganon? Pilosopo ka na naman ngayon?”

A small smile was tempting to appear from his face. “Are you aware how beautiful you are, Ma’am? I’m surprised to see that you’re capable of being jealous.”

“Wag mo akong i-Ma’am ngayon, Jasper. Galit na ako ngayon.”

The smile finally appeared. Like he was so amused na nagseselos ako. This guy!

“I was just trying to be nice,” he reasoned.

“You’re not nice. You’re a dull boy. You should’ve ignored her or push her away from you—or maybe you should’ve twisted her arm din! Ugh! Naiinis na naman ako!” I said tapos sinubukan ko na lumayo sa kanya, but his hands were firmly around my waist.

“Okay,” he said.

“Okay?”

He nodded. “I was just trying to be nice,” he stated. I glared at him. “I know about your situation at work. I just don’t want to make it worse for you.”

I wanted to feel good because Jasper’s always thinking about what’s best for me… but I didn’t want him letting girls get to him kasi akala niya ’yun ang mabut para sa akin. Because it’s not. All he’d get is me getting majorly pissed at him.

“Well, you already made it worse. Yan’s already on my hate list,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“She’s not even my type.”

“Tss. ’Yan din sabi mo sa akin noon. Tignan mo ngayon? Patay na patay ka na sa akin.”

And then that was it.

First Lieutenant Jasper Alexander Ybañez. Freaking. Laughed.

“Tawa ka d’yan! ’Wag kang makikipag-usap sa ibang ka-work ko! Naku, sinasabi ko sa ’yo, Jasper! May paglalagyan ka sa ’kin!” I warned him.

Jasper was shaking his head in amusement and said, “Order received, Ma’am. All eyes on you.”

Chapter 27

#COMM

Chapter 27

After a few minutes of hugging with Jasper, we both decided to go back inside.

“Are you calmed down na?” I asked him.

“Yeah,” he said.

I arched my brow. “You sure, ha? Kasi as much as I love it when you’re all alpha-male, I don’t want to get you in trouble,” I honestly told him. Malay ko ba if we’d see that perv inside. I was afraid of what Jasper would do to him—I wasn’t even afraid of what would happen to that perv. I mean, how much of brain power do you need para maintindihan mo na ayaw ng babae? Sobrang hirap ba i-decipher? Da Vinci Code?

Jasper nodded, and said, “Yeah.”

I took a deep breath before I decided to get back inside, pero bago pa man ako makapasok, Jasper pulled me back with him. “What?” I asked, my forehead creased kasi hinawakan niya ako sa arm.

Instead of answering, he pulled me close, and enclosed me inside his arms. I felt him sighing before saying, “I’m all calmed down now.”

Ay, wala na.

May nanalo na.

Pagbalik namin sa loob…

“What. The. Fu—” I said as I saw Yan grinding on Kellan! Nico was sporting the same look as I—shocked! Ilang minuto lang kaming nawala ni Jasper, pero ganito na ang nangyari?

I was stunned. I couldn’t move. I was watching Yan… do stuff. God, I lived in Europe for years, but this just seemed so wrong. But what the heck did Kellan seem to enjoy it?

Nang mapa-tingin si Kellan sa direksyon namin, he even beamed and waived at me. He was probably thinking that I was going to congratulate him. As if.

“I really need a drink,” I told Jasper.

“Okay,” he said.

“Hindi mo ako pipigilan?” medyo nabigla na sabi ko.

“You’re 23. You’re allowed to live,” he said. Awww. My guy’s so cool. Akala ko kasi he’s going to be so controlling and everything, but so far, he’s been very lenient with me. Sure, sometimes, he’s gonna tell me that what I was doing was dangerous, but for most things, okay lang sa kanya.

I was tempted to tip toed and plant a quick kiss on his cheek, but we’re surrounded with people. So, I wrinkled my nose and made my cutest face. Jasper looked like he’s about to laugh. Tss. Minsan na nga lang ako magpa-cute.

I got myself a bottle of Cuervo and shared drinks with Sierra. Lumipat ako ng pwesto kasi baka masuka lang talaga ako kapag nakita ko si Yan and whatever she’s doing with Kellan. Ugh. Ang sarap sabihan ni Kellan na nagtatrabaho siya, so ’wag siyang lumandi muna.

I mean, I’d be totally supportive naman if it’s with someone else… Why Yan of all people?!

The bottle was already a quarter down when I felt Yan’s nega vibes sa tabi ko. She was giggling, and she seemed tipsy.

“What are you doing?” I asked her. I was never the confrontational type, but I better know what she’s doing here. Kellan’s close to me, and I’m fiercely loyal to my friends. So, kung may hindi siya magandang balak, ako talaga ’yung makaka-laban niya.

She reached for a shot glass. “What?”

“With Kellan.”

“Oh. Your bodyguard?” she asked, giggling. “Chill, babe. I’m just having fun.”

“Well, go have fun somewhere else,” I told her.

She faced me. “Why? You gonna stop me?” she taunted. “Is little miss president’s granddaughter gonna do something to me?” she continued and acted scared. She even laughed!

I clenched my jaw and fisted my hand.

“Stay away from Kellan,” I warned her.

She grinned at me. “Make me,” she said, winking.

I already lost count kung ilang shots na ’yung naiinom namin. All I knew was that hindi ako magpapatalo kay Yan. If iinom siya? Gosh, I’d drink twice! Ugh! She just knew how to get into my nerves!

“Girl…” Sierra whispered. I didn’t know why I giggled. “You two emptied the Cuervo!” she exclaimed. Napa-tingin ako sa Cuervo. It’s empty na nga. Uh-oh.

I was still wrapping my head around that fact that Yan and I emptied the whole bottle, when I noticed that she was missing na naman! My eyes automatically went to Jasper’s side, and I saw that Yan’s there na naman! Ugh!

With my vision swirling, I still managed to go there din.

“Oh, come on, loosen up,” Yan said, tracing her fingers on Kellan’s chest.

“Oh, for God’s sake,” I cursed under my breath. I was sure it was Dutch courage when I pulled Yan away from Kellan.

“Hey!” Yan shouted when I literally pulled her away. She almost stumbled on the ground… sayang hindi natuloy.

“I said not Kellan!” I shouted back at her.

“I don’t care! You’re not the boss of me!” she shouted again. Ugh! I hate her!

She yanked her arm away from me, and then launched herself on Kellan. Oh, my god! She’s gonna kiss him! Hindi ko alam how the hell this actually happened, but I was so scared that she’s gonna kiss him! So, I pulled her away, and I accidentally twisted my ankle, causing me to fall out of balance…

On top of Kellan’s lips.

Why. The. Hell. Did. I. Keep. On. Kissing. Guys. In. Front. Of. Jasper?!

It lasted for only a split second.

Sobrang bilis na naghiwalay kami ni Kellan when we realized what the hell happened. I was so shocked, and Kellan looked scared for his life.

“Sir, hindi ko sinasadya!” mabilis na sabi niya kay Jasper. “Sir, ’wag!”

My lips parted. Oh, my god. I just kissed someone else again! And it’s not Jasper again! What was so wrong with me?!

Ni hindi ko magawa na tumingin kay Jasper. I was so freaking dead.

---

When we were inside the car, Jasper was scarily quiet. He was sitting, and his eyes were in front. I wanted to call his attention, but I was scared of his reaction. I mean, he made it clear na he wanted to kiss me… tapos I kissed someone else. Again!

Ginagalit ko yata talaga siya.

“Jasper…” sabi ko nung hindi na ako mapalagay dahil sa silence.

He kept silent. I sighed. Then turned. Then poked his side.

“It meant nothing…” I reasoned.

When we reached the inside of the village, I asked Manong to pull over. I told him leave us alone muna. I was already risking it, but I didn’t want this day to end na hindi kami okay ni Jasper.

“Hey, I’m sorry,” I said. My head was throbbing in pain, but making good with Jasper topped my priority list.

“Sorry na…” I said, holding his arm and caressing it. Galit yata talaga siya kasi hindi niya ako pinapansin… I raised the divider and sat directly beside him. I hugged his side and rested my head against his arm. Ang tigas ng arm niya, kainis.

“It was a split-second kiss lang naman…” I cooed. My Jasper still kept silent. Hirap pala kapag pissed na siya. Hindi madaling paamuhin.

So, I cupped his face with both my hand and made him face me. He averted his gaze, and I sighed. He’s one, stubborn man.

“It was accidental. I didn’t mean to… you know,” I explained. “I was just trying to protect Kellan from Yan.”

Hindi pa rin niya ako tinitignan. Ang tibay lang niya.

“Hey, Jasper,” I said. “Look at me.”

Hindi pa rin.

“Please?” I said in my most adorable voice…

His eyes were firmly staring at the steering wheel, and it was already making me frustrated. I mean, clearly, it was my fault, but it wasn’t as if I meant for it to happen. Syempre, siya ang gusto ko i-kiss… hindi naman si Kellan.

And so, I did what we both wanted.

I leaned in and planted a quick kiss on his lips. And faster than light, he was looking at me.

I bit my lower lip, stopping myself from smiling. “Kiss lang pala para tignan mo ako.”

Jasper’s lips slightly parted, and I was tempted to steal a quick kiss again. I was never fond of smack kasi it’s basically just lips touching… but with Jasper? I was greedy for almost anything that I could get from him. Because whatever it was, if it’s from him, then that alone makes it pretty special already.

“Did you just—” I cut him off and nodded. “Why—”

“You broke your rules for me… I figured I could break some of mine, too. For you,” I said, caressing his cheek with my thumb.

And just like the sun rising, a smile appeared from Jasper’s face. God, his smile… There’s just something about it that I wanted to just keep on seeing. If I could put his smile in my pocket, I surely would.

“Are you still pissed?” I asked him.

“Yes,” he replied.

I frowned. “But it was an accident.”

“You threatened to punch me because Yan—”

“Oh, don’t even say her name!” I said, punching his chest—which was a wrong move because fist ko lang din ’yung nasaktan. Jasper almost laughed because I yelped in pain.

“Can you please stop kissing guys in front of me?”

“So… I can kiss guys behind you?” I asked, and he growled. I laughed. I leaned in and hugged him again. I immediately relaxed upon feeling his skin against mine. “I am kidding… Of course, I won’t kiss anyone else. This lips are yours, First Lieutenant,” I said and then took a peek at his face. It was obvious that he was fighting a smile from his face. “Ayie, kilig ka?”

“No,” he lied.

“Asus, kilig ka na naman sa ’kin. ’Wag ka ng magdeny, Jasper. Tanggap ko naman na sa akin ka na lang kinikilig.”

Jasper slowly shook his head. “It’s hard to be pissed at you,” he said.

“I know because I’m relentless,” I replied, but he shook his head. “Because I’m cute?” He shook his head again. “Why, then?”

“Because you already broke your rule,” he said, and then cupped my face.

And then… I felt his lips on mine.

My eyes remained open for a split second, before I closed them. It wasn’t like the kiss we shared earlier… this was more… wow.

Jasper held my head, and kissed me like I had never been kissed before. I wrapped my hands around his neck and kissed him back. I opened my mouth, and kissed him deeply… and I freaking heard him groaning. Suddenly, the temperature shot up.

I felt him biting my lower lip, while his left hand was on my waist, tracing patterns. I raised one of my hands and brushed my fingers against his hair.

This felt so good. Better than my imagination. Feeling his lips against mine, his body against mine.

We stopped for a while, but Jasper was pulling my lower lip with his teeth. He had fascination with my lips, seriously.

We were both catching our breath.

I wanted to say something, but words escaped me. All I knew was that the fast beat of my heart wasn’t lying.

Instead, I smiled at Jasper. I thought that like me, he didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to ruin the moment, because for me, it was already beyond perfect…

“Let’s break it some more,” he said, pulling me against him.

Chapter 28

#COMM

Chapter 28

Upon arriving at the house, Jasper was still talking to Manong, probably because instead of my planned 10 minutes, half an hour kaming nasa sasakyan. And of course, half an hour din na naka-stop lang ’yung car nila Evan sa likod namin. But for some weird reasons, Evan just quietly retired in the guesthouse. I thought he was going to scowl at me kasi ’di ba… obvious naman na may kababalaghan na nangyari sa car.

“Bakit ka naka-ngiti?” Nico asked Kellan. “Lagot ka kaya. Hinalikan mo si Ma’am.”

But Kellan, of course being that he’s Kellan, wiggled his eyebrows at me. “Sus. Good mood ’yang si Sir. ’Yung Seven Minutes In Heaven, e, ginawang Thirty Minutes in Heaven,” he said, and then wiggled his eyebrows some more and grinned at me. “Ano, Ma’am? Good mood kayo pareho?”

I scowled at him. “Pagpush-up-in ka sana ni Jasper,” I said and then nauna na ako sa bahay. It seemed like Jasper’s doing his best para hindi magsumbong si Manong, and isa pa, it was already 2am. I was dead tired.

After cleaning myself up, I already positioned myself to sleep. Naka-higa na ako sa kama, with my eyes closed and everything when I felt my phone vibrating.

The next morning, I woke up with a tired body… but I was smiling. As in parang hindi matanggal ’yung smile sa face ko! It was a… gift of God na hindi nakarating sa parents ko what transpired in the club. Though… there was this bugging feeling inside me that was telling me that this wasn’t the end of it. I had never prayed so hard before… I mean, we were only just beginning. I still… wanted to keep us a secret.

Was that so bad?

Because as much as I knew that I’d fight for Jasper, there’s also no telling what my family would do. Lalo na at election season was already nearing. And during times like this, my family’s most careful on not being associated with scandals or any negative news.

So, came Sunday, I was tired from everything that happened last night. It was two days of partying! But I forced myself to come out of bed dahil pupunta pa kami sa mass. It’s the only day of the week na complete kami kasi on weekdays, we’re all occupied by different things. Kaya naman kahit pagod ako, pinilit ko pa rin na bumangon. Family time is really important for me.

“Are you sure you want to go home?” Mama asked. I nodded, and then she felt my forehead with the back of her hand. “You’re not sick, but are you sure you’re feeling well?”

“Yeah… I just want to sleep. I’m just tired from work,” I said, trying to pacify her. Her birthday’s coming and she was going to meet with the organizers. Tapos she’d have her gown fitted pa. As much as I wanted to accompany her for some mother-daughter bonding, my bed’s already calling me.

“Alright. I’ll have Albert drive you home,” she said, pertaining to Saint’s bodyguard. Tulog lang ako hanggang makarating kami sa bahay. My eyes automatically opened when the engine stopped. I thanked Alber for driving me home tapos lumabas na ako.

My eyes were fixed on the ground, and I was walking, probably, like a zombie. I was just really tired! It had been a real hectic week!

Though I was tired, napadaan ako sa guesthouse… Ewan ko. Since the beginning, always naman na wala si Jasper tuwing Sunday. I had a wild guess na he’s going doon sa Helene, but I still didn’t have the guts to ask for it. I tried lang na dumaan kasi maybe… I mean, there’s an us na… so, baka hindi na siya pupunta doon?

And maybe… just maybe… spend his Sunday with me?

“What… are you doing?” I asked with my forehead creased upon seeing Kellan… cleaning? He was holding a mop and dipping it in a pail!

Kellan looked… like Cinderella. He was wearing a cargo shorts and black wife beater. Tapos his sweat’s dripping din. But in fairnes… ang linis ng guest house!

“Kasalanan mo ’to, Ma’am,” he said while mopping the floor.

“What?” I asked, confused.

“Matitisod ka na lang, sa ’kin pa! Alam mo namang seloso ’yun si Sir!” he said and then like a kid, he was pouting while mopping the floor. ’Di ko alam kung matatawa ako.

“It was your fault, though. You were flirting with Yan last night,” I murmured.

“May sinasabi ka, Ma’am?” CindeKellan asked.

I shook my head and stopped myself from laughing. “Nothing. Happy cleaning, Kellan,” I said and then left him in silence. Hindi ko lang alam if it was better na naglinis siya, instead of Jasper killing him by making him do their soldier exercise.

Dahil wala naman yata si Jasper, I decided to go back to the house na lang and retire. I’d see him naman tomorrow… so, there’s that. Ayoko naman na sa akin lang umiikot ang buhay niya. He respects my life, so, it’s just proper that I let him live his life, too.

“Hey—” Napatigil ako sa paglalakad nang makita ko si Jasper sa harap ko. My forehead creased. “It’s… Sunday, right?” He nodded, just looking at me. Again. It was really starting to look like hobby niya na titigan ako! “Then why are you here?” I asked, kunut-noo pa rin.

“Do you want me somewhere else?” he asked back, sounding slightly offended. Grabe naman si First Lieutenant! Ang sensitive masyado bigla.

“No,” I defended myself. “I mean, it’s Sunday. I understand naman if you’ll go home to your family…” I omitted the part na sanay ako na laging wala siya kapag Sunday… kasi he’s visiting someone. But I felt like it wasn’t the time to talk about it, so I let him off the hook muna.

Instead of answering, Jasper held my forehead din. “Are you sick?” he asked.

I shook my head. “No… Tired lang,” sagot ko. “May pupuntahan ka ba?” I asked when I noticed that he was dressed up. He was wearing a black jeans, white shirt (God, why is extra-hot kapag naka-white shirt?!), and bit loafers. Damn, he looked really good.

And this guy’s mine. It’s sealed with kiss and everything.

“No,” he lied.

“Saan nga?” I asked again. Gosh. I wanted to hold his hand kapag kahit nag-uusap lang kami ng ganito… too bad there’s a lot of people, and may CCTV din everywhere.

Good idea kaya na sabihin ko sa party ni Mama? I mean, nag-iinit pa rin ang ulo ko kapag naiisip ko si Yan! I didn’t know what I would’ve done kung naunahan niya akong halikan si Jasper! I probably would’ve clawed her—to heck kung makarating kila Abuela!

And if Jasper would kiss her the way he kissed me? Ah, sinasabi ko talaga, ilalagay ko si Jasper sa paglalagyan niya.

“Out,” he simply said, but I still had my forehead creased. He should really practice lying. He’s the worst. “Nowhere. You’re tired. You should rest.”

“Hindi na! May energy na ako bigla!” I said, too jumpy. Aalis kami ni Jasper! Tapos totoong date na! Hindi na ’yung ako lang ang may alam! Gosh, this was too exciting!

I mean, nauna lang ’yung kiss, pero who cares? As long as we’re both happy, who cares what others would think? Hindi naman sila kasama sa relationship na ’to.

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Just a few seconds ago, you looked like you’d collapse anytime.”

I beamed at him. “Magic word kasi ’yung date, “ I said, wiggling my eyebrows at him.

“You should just rest,” he insisted.

I pouted. “But I wanna go on a date…”

“Who said it’s a date?”

I arched my brow, and showed him my serious face. “Hindi ba date?” masungit na sabi ko sa kanya. Then, there was a sudden hint of fear on Jasper’s face. It was still fascinating to see him scared of me. I mean, this guy is a soldier! Literally na muntik na siya ma-stab sa face niya kaya nga may scar ’yung brow niya!

He had faced death a couple of times, pero pagdating sa akin, takot siya.

Weird pero… nakaka-kilig.

“Date…” he said, almost sighing.

I smiled at him. “Wait lang, I’ll change lang!” sabi ko.

“You look fine,” he pointed out. I was wearing a Sunday dress because I just came from the church. I mean, I knew I looked fine… but with Jasper, I always wanted to look exceptional.

I wrinkled my nose. “I want to change.”

“But you already look fine.”

“I want to look prettier.”

His forehead creased. “Is that even possible?”

I sucked breath because kilig na naman ako! Grabe talaga siya! How could he even manage to make whatever we’re talking about nakaka-kilig? I mean, our conversation would start as innocent, tapos biglang may pa-kilig na lang bigla si First Lieutenant.

It’s just unfair.

I wanted to have that kind of hold on him, too.

“E-ewan ko sa ’yo.”

And again, I was reduced to a blabbering mess, thanks to Jasper’s words.

“You already look good,” he replied, na parang naguguluhan na mag-aayos pa ako.

“But I wanna put an effort to look good for you…”

“Why?” he asked.

I shrugged. “I don’t know… Masama bang magpa-ganda for you?”

Jasper almost held me, but it seemed like he suddenly realized na there were cameras around us. It was nice to know that I make him forget about his surroundings. Kahit for a while lang.

“No,” he said, looking straight into my eyes. I saw him sighing—as if he wanted to hold me so badly… I wanted him to know that I wanted it, too. “But know that there’s no need,” he said.

Then a huge smile dawned on my face. “Tapos, nagdedeny ka na hindi ka patay na patay sa akin,” I said, dangerously biting my lips. Feeling ko talaga dudugo na, dahil sa intensity ng pagpapakilig sa akin ni Jasper.

---

But of course, everything wouldn’t always go according to plan. Dahil bago pa man kami makaalis, biglang bumalik si Papa dahil maaga daw natapos iyong meeting niya. Syempre, hindi ako makakaalis!

Me: it’s so unfair

Me: we should’ve gone earlier para di natin naabutan si Papa

Dull Boy: Little rule breaker

Me: you love it when I break the rule

Dull Boy: Just rest. You’ve had a tiring week.

Me: i know… but I am already looking forward to spend my day with you.

Me: dapat talaga umalis na tayo kanina

Me: :<

Tapos I sulked more because Jasper stopped texting. Kaasar. Pagkatapos niya akong bigyan ng maraming energy, bigla niya naman akong iiwan sa ere.

I laid down, and hugged my pillow. I was trying to sleep na lang, since it seemed like it’s the best thing to do. I felt like I was all dressed up with nowhere to go. But as I was trying to sleep, I thought I heard someone knocking. I stood up to go to the door, but my eyes darted towards the window. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nung makita ko si Jasper.

“Oh, my god! What are you doing?!” I said, trying to open the window.

“Let in first,” he said. Jasper’s a big guy kaya hirap na hirap siyang pumasok sa bintana. His long legs made it extra-hard to get inside.

“Did you… climb up?” I asked, my mouth hanging open. Nang makapasok na si Jasper, I took a peak and saw that I was right. Nasa second floor ’yung kwarto ko… at walang way para maka-punta dito. Did he… walk through the water pipes?!

I turned at looked at Jasper. I was in awe. Para akong mangingiti na hindi ko maintindihan. How was it possible that this guy could just do anything… at kilig ’yung reaction ko palagi?

“You’re crazy,” I said, still unable to believe that he climbed up.

“Your fault. I felt bad that the date didn’t proceed.”

“E kasi dapat umalis na tayo agad. Daldal mo kasi,” I said and then sat on the edge of my bed. Jasper remained standing. I tapped the space beside me. “Upo ka na.”

“I’m good,” he replied.

I eyed him. “Oh, come on. I’m just asking you to sit beside me, not to put babies in my uterus,” I said tapos biglang namula na naman siya from head to his neck! Oh, how I love making him blush talaga!

But when he recovered, he said, “Jokes are half-meant, Siobhan.”

Instead of answering, I just winked at him… which drove him crazy with all the possibilities.

Jasper insisted na nakatayo lang siya. I was tired, but I stood up, too. Lumapit ako sa kanya tapos niyakap ko agad siya. It felt so good to just have him this close… Resting my head against his chest, I found peace.

I snuggled closer, if it was even possible. “When I first met you, you were all about following the rules,” I said. “I never pegged you as someone who’s fond of breaking the rules, First Lieutenant.”

His arms tightened around me. “There’s something about you that’s worth breaking the rules for.”

Chapter 29

#COMM

Chapter 29

“Thank you,” I told Jasper when he handed me my tumbler. I just finished shooting a catalog that’s out a few months from now. I was actually already booked for the next four months, and I couldn’t be happier. But of course with great work comes great responsibility.

“Are you tired na?” I asked Jasper. We’ve been here at the studio for almost half-a-day already. My muscles were already sore from posing in front of the camera, and my jaw felt like locking from smiling na. But work’s work. It’s nice to make my own name outside of my family’s influence.

“No,” Jasper replied.

“Ako I’m tired na…” I whispered. “Tapos may party pa si Mama bukas. Gosh, if I don’t love her, I’ll probably rain check,” I said and then wrapped my arms around Jasper’s waist. Naka-upo kasi ako sa harap ng salamin while Jasper’s standing beside me. Then, I felt him tousling the top of my head.

“You should rest,” he said.

I closed my eyes because it felt too relaxing to have him touch my hair. This would never be not comfortable. “But I like working… but it’s still also tiring,” I said, my eyes still closed. I rested my head against Jasper’s side.

Maybe we’re too obvious? Or maybe we’re just not really trying hard enough to hide that there’s something between us already? Because whenever Jasper’s inside my dressing room, I felt na they’re giving us alone time.

Even Evan’s being a bit nicer to me na.

“I’ll bring you somewhere tomorrow,” he said.

Biglang napadilat ’yung mata ko. “A date?”

“What is it with you and dates?” he asked, still gently brushing my hair with his fingers.

I tightened my arms around his waist, and then looked up at him. “I want you to take me out on dates because…” I said and then stood up. I was wearing heels, so we’re finally face to face. I wrapped my arms around his neck and smiled at my First Lieutenant. “It makes me feel that you’re with me because you want to, and not because of work.”

Jasper was intently looking me in the eye, when I felt him holding me by the side of my waist. “Siobhan—”

“Jasper,” I cut him off. Kumunot na naman ’yung noo ni First Lieutenant. I chuckled. “I’m sorry. Go on.”

“I want you enough for me to break my own rules.”

“I know…”

He held my chin, and made me look at him. “But?” he asked.

I sighed. “Wala lang… I wished I was stronger… para masabi ko na sa family ko. Because you know? Hiding us sucks so bad.”

Because I wanted to hold his hand in public.

Because I wanted to hug him randomly.

Because I wanted to kiss him out of the blue.

I was never territorial, but with him, I just wanted everyone to know that he’s mine and I was his alone.

But instead of answering, Jasper held me inside his arms. And for some reasons, I was okay again…

---

The next day, I was so eager to finish the shot that I gave it my best. The photographer was so happy kasi sobrang aga naming natapos. I mean, it’s a win-win situation for everyone! Maagang makaka-uwi ’yung prod team… plus, longer time for my date with Jasper!

“You know, this is basically an invasion of privacy,” I said while waiting for Jasper to do something.

“Ma’am, trabaho lang, walang personalan,” Kellan said, obviously enjoying the frown on my face.

“It’s a date. You know what a date means? Dapat kaming dalawa lang ni Jasper.”

Kellan shrugged. “Sorry ka, Ma’am, package deal kaming apat,” he said smugly.

“Si Jasper lang ’yung binili ko… And maybe si Nico rin,” I told him to annoy him.

“Sus, si Ma’am. If I know, ako naman talaga favorite niyo, ’wag ka na magdeny,” he said and then even wiggled his eyebrow. I glared at him. “Wag kang madamot, Ma’am, alalahanin mo, naunang naging sa amin si Sir Jasper.”

If hindi ko lang talaga nakita na nagdrool si Kellan kay Yan, I’d think na may feelings siya kay Jasper!

Aawayin ko pa sana si Kellan when Jasper finally came back. I glared at Kellan for the last time, bago ako pumunta kay Jasper.

“You can protect me naman alone, ’di ba? Bakit kailangan kasama pa silang apat?” I whispered kasi nandyan si Manong. I still wasn’t sure where his loyalty lies.

“Protocol,” he shortly replied.

“But it’s our date…”

Jasper looked at me. “What exactly do you have in mind when you say date?” he asked, like he was hinting na may something akong iniisip kaya dapat walang witness!

“Gusto ko lang ng privacy! Masyado kang feeling!”

Jasper shook his head, and kept his face impassive kahit naman halata na he was about to smile na. “They won’t stare,” he said to appease me.

“Okay lang kahit magstare sila. Wala naman akong gagawin na dapat itago,” I said, glaring at him. I was planning on kissing him pa naman! E kasama namin si Evan. And Evan’s like a mother hen to Jasper, nakaka-loka! Parang dapat ligawan ko muna si Evan to get his approval.

After a while, we were entering a private place.

“Is it safe here?” I asked him. The place was surrounded by high gates. Mukhang seryoso ’yung may-ari na ayaw ng trespassers.

Jasper looked at me like he’s offended na akala ko dadalhin niya ako sa unsafe na lugar. I should start filtering the things I ask of him. Ayoko naman na continuously offended lang siya sa akin… kasi gusto ko lang naman na lagi kaming may pag-uusapan.

When the car stopped, we were at a place full of trees. Sobrang sarap ng hangin—unlike sa polluted air of Manila. Come to think of it, hindi ko alam if nasa Manila pa ba kami.

I just followed Jasper, not saying anything kasi baka unconsciously, I was offending him with my questions na. Mahaba ang pasensya ni Jasper sa akin, pero ayoko naman na sagarin.

Napa-tigil ako nang makakita ako ng maraming target board.

“Are we… going to practice shooting?” I asked.

Jasper got back from a small cabin, and brought a bag with him. He got a small gun from the bag and handed it to me. Ah. Iyon pala ’yung kinuha niya kanina.

“No, thanks,” I politely said. Kellan and the squad were just standing from afar. It seemed like it’s them giving us privacy.

His hand remained. “It’s empty.”

I shook my head. “I don’t like guns.”

“It’s for your safety.”

“No, thanks pa rin. You’re there to protect me naman.”

“What if for some reasons—”

I cut him off. “Then, I’ll take my chances,” I said. I just… wasn’t exactly comfortable with the idea of holding a gun. According to researches, possessing a gun increases the chances of getting shot. So, no, thanks talaga.

Jasper sighed. “Please?”

Napaawang ang labi ko.

Did he… just say please?!

Si Jasper Alexander Ybañez, nagsabi ng please?!

“You don’t have to carry a gun. You just have to know how to shoot,” he explained. He seemed serious in getting me to learn how to shoot.

I sighed. “Akala ko date,” I said in an accusatory tone, but then got the gun from his hand. It was heavy! And scary! I gulped to calm myself down.

Jasper, then, stood behind me. Biglang nag-iba iyong pakiramdam ko nang maramdaman ko siya sa likod ko. “Stop shaking,” he whispered in my ears.

“I’m nervous,” I uttered.

“It’s blank.”

“But, it’s still a gun,” I reasoned.

Jasper, standing behind me, enclosed me inside his arms. Hawak ng kamay niya iyong mga kamay ko na nanginginig.

“Why do you even insist that I learn to shoot?” I asked. There’s just something different. I could feel it. Something must’ve happened, dahil pati sila Kellan, parang mas naging seryoso.

“Just because, Siobhan,” he answered, but I believed that there was more to it.

So, I calmed myself down and tried not to shake, even if the mere idea of holding a gun was making me shiver.

“First, tighten your grip,” Jasper whispered in my ear. Paano ako makakapagfocus kapag ganyan siya kalapit?!

“Then, disengage the safety,” bulong niya ulit. I was very aware of the feeling of his hard chest against my back, so everything Jasper was saying was coming off as blah blah blah. Ano daw ang sabi niya?

“Are you listening?” he asked.

“No,” I honestly said.

Jasper released me, and then made me face him. “Siobhan,” he said.

I frowned at him. “I’m sorry. Guns… aren’t my thing.”

“It’s for your—”

“Safety, I know,” I said, cutting him off. “But if I’m meant to die, I’ll die. Let’s just leave it at that, okay?”

---

Jasper obviously didn’t seem happy with my decision to remain as a gun-ignorant. I mean, it just wasn’t my thing. I feel na I’d just cause more harm kapag may hawak ako na baril.

And he’s with me. That’s enough to pacify my system.

We went back a little after 5pm. I still had 2 hours to prepare for my Mom’s party. She’d literally hold it against me kapag hindi naka-punta ang nag-iisa niyang anak na babae.

I wore a pale pink floor length gown and a black stiletto. I was still wearing the heavy makeup from the shoot earlier, so I just retouched it. Iyong buhok ko naman, I just let it down.

My brothers went to the hotel na. Ako lang ’yung naiwan kasi nga babae daw ako at matagal magprepare. Seriously, minsan ang sexist nila. Anyway, it’s better na rin at least may time na naman kami ni Jasper na magkasama. It’s just really hard to move around kapag nandyan ’yung family ko at si Jasper. It’s like constantly making a choice…

And that choice was to hide Jasper.

And it really, really sucked.

When I went downstairs, I literally held my breath when I saw Jasper.

God… that man… he’s so breathtaking.

From where I was standing, I could only see his side-profile because he was talking with Nico, but that was enough to send my system into an overdrive. He was wearing a suit and his hair was sexy pushed back.

Could I just… stay here? We could really go on a date na! He looked so fancy! And he’s mine!

I was busy gawking at Jasper when Nico pointed at me…

And then there it was. Jasper looking at me.

Do you ever get that look? That kind of look a person gives you that makes you feel like you’re the center of his universe? Because that’s exactly the kind of look Jasper was giving me.

Slowly, I smiled at him. I descended from the stairs and he met me halfway.

“If it’s not so hot here in Manila, I’d probably require you to wear suits all the time,” I said, in obvious admiration of how beautiful my guy is.

Jasper stared at me. “It’s almost painful not to touch you,” he almost whispered.

I smiled a sad smile, and then sighed. “I promise I’ll tell them soon…”

Because it was painful not to be able to touch him, too.

Jasper and I walked outside, careful not to touch because we’re both too aware of the cameras around the house. Once we were outside, Jasper pulled me to one side.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

I nodded and then touched his cheek. “Yeah.”

“I don’t want to get you in trouble.”

I smiled at him. “You already got me in trouble the moment you entered my life, First Lieutenant.”

---

Upon arriving at the destination, Jasper helped me get out of the car. We were standing at the entrance of the hotel, waiting for our convoy when a familiar face approached us.

“Surprised to see you here,” that freaking asshole said.

I felt Jasper’s hand forming into a fist. I held his hand in an attempt to pacify him.

“This is my mother’s party,” I said in the most sarcastic tone I could muster. Kulang na lang sabihan ko siya ng duh.

But the perverted asshole ignored my remark, and then looked at Jasper. There was a cut on the side of his lips… but I didn’t remember Jasper hitting his stupid face. “I’ll see you later,” he said, tapping Jasper’s shoulder and then went inside.

I held Jasper’s hand. “Don’t leave my sight, okay?” I asked of him… but still, my heart wouldn’t stop worrying.

Chapter 30

#COMM

Chapter 30

I almost didn’t want to go inside… after that threat the guy gave us. I held on to Jasper’s sleeve, and looked him in the eye.

“I’ll be fine,” he said, as if he knew what was bothering me.

“Don’t leave my sight, okay?” I asked, my heart still nervous. The guy didn’t say anything exactly threatening… but I knew his kind. The rich boys—the brats. The one who couldn’t afford to have their egos stepped on. And I was sure he’s pissed at Jasper because of what happened last time. Who knew what he’d do just to avenge his freaking pride.

God. Why was he invited here?!

“Go,” Jasper said, slightly nudging me. “Enjoy the party.”

I looked at him, then turned to Evan. “Take care of him for me?” I asked. Despite all our differences, I was sure that we both agree on the same thing—keeping Jasper safe.

When Evan nodded, at saka lang ako pumasok sa loob. I kept on looking back, but Jasper also kept on giving me his reassuring look… like everything’s going to be fine. But if it was, why was my whole system was telling me that something very wrong was about to happen?

Upon entering the ballroom, I immediately spotted my brothers and cousins in two round tables. I went to where Addie was.

“Hey,” I greeted Santi, Aspen, and Maven, before I turned to Addie. I kissed Addie’s cheek before sitting down next to her.

“You okay?” she asked.

I sighed. “No, not really,” I admitted. There was no point in hiding anything from her, because she’d just know it. Besides, she’s one of the people who knew about Jasper and I. And I badly needed someone to talk about it.

“You wanna talk?”

“The program—”

“You and I, we both hate parties,” Addie cut me off. “Come on. Humor me. What’s happening to you lately?” she asked.

I reached for the flute of champagne from one of the passing waiters. I downed it before I started talking. I began to tell Addie about my exact relation with Jasper now.

“Good for you,” she said with a sincere smile. “You really like him?”

I nodded. “Yeah…” I said, sighing. “But that’s why I’m so worried.”

“Why? Is it about abuela?”

“Yeah, but that’s not my problem right now,” I admitted. “Kasi…” I said and then began to tell her about what happened last time with the congressman’s son. I shuddered even with the thought of that guy touching me. If he only could discern yes from no, I wouldn’t have this problem right now. I would be enjoying my Mom’s party.

“And that’s only what he got?! Your boyfriend should’ve destroyed his face!” Addie said, visibly furious. “You should’ve cut his hands! Seriously, I hate guys who don’t understand the word no. “

I flinched at her choice of words. Really, she’s the calmest, yet the most violent person I know.

“Yeah, I know. But I’m worried because he threatened Jasper kanina… I mean, you and I both know his kind. Who knows what he can do to avenge his male pride, right?”

And I reached for another flute of champagne. God, I was so tensed. But even before I could finish my drink, Addie pulled me up with him.

“You know, instead of drinking yourself to death, let’s just go check on your guy,” Addie said, anchoring her arms with mine.

“Mom will kill me if we leave,” I whispered, but half relieved to be able to check on Jasper.

“Auntie’s pre-occupied. Plus, Saint brought his girlfriend. Our absence won’t be noticed, I promise,” Addie said, winking at me before pulling us both out of the ballroom.

As we were walking, I noticed that Addie seemed drunk. She was very giggly—which was opposite to her usual self. She’s usually contained and very calculating… but good to know that she could loosen up—I wished Maven could loosen up, too. God, that guy’s freakishly uptight.

When I spotted Evan and Kellan, kumunot ang noo ko dahil wala si Nico at Jasper. I almost pulled Addie para bilisan niyang maglakad.

“Where’s Jasper?” I asked Evan.

He seemed out of focus. Something was telling me that something so freaking wrong just happened.

“Where. Is. Jasper?” I repeated myself.

Evan looked at me, and his look just gave chills up my spine. “I don’t know.”

“Ano’ng ‘I don’t know?!’ “ I snapped at him. I didn’t care if I catch attention. I was starting to get furious. I just told him to look after Jasper! That someone just blatantly threatened him! Tapos sasabihin niya na hindi niya alam kung nasaan?!

“Ma’am—” Kellan cut.

“Where is Jasper?!” I shouted at them both. I didn’t get an answer. I whipped out my phone, and began to dial his number, but it was off. I almost threw my phone out of frustration. I was breathing so hard. I was so fucking mad right now. And then I felt Addie’s hand holding mine, before she took over.

“When did you last see him?” she asked Evan.

Evan threw me a quick look—he almost seemed apologetic, and he should be! Dapat alam niya kung nasaan si Jasper! He’s his best friend! More than me, it should be him who’s looking after Jasper! Alam niya naman na walang takot ’yung kaibigan niya!

“Ten minutes ago,” Evan said. “He said he’d just call someone. I asked Nico to accompany him since…” he trailed and then looked at me. “I’m sorry,” he said. It was the first time that I heard him apologize, but it felt like nothing.

If something happens to Jasper, no words from him would ever make me feel better.

“Aside from phone, don’t you have other means of contacting them?” Addie asked. For the moment, I was thankful that I have a level-headed cousin.

“None, Ma’am. We already tried contacting them through the network, but even that seemed cut off,” he replied.

“His father is an admiral, right?” I asked. “Shouldn’t we inform him—”

“Jasper won’t—” Evan said.

“What Jasper wants won’t matter if he’s…”

I couldn’t even finish my sentence.

My heart felt like shattering at the thought. We had just began… and I refuse to end it this way.

Addie held my hand, and then looked at me. “Calm yourself down, Maggie. We’ll look at the cameras. We’ll find your guy, okay?” she asked and held both my shoulders. “You understand?” she asked again.

I nodded… but there’s no calming myself down until we find both Jasper and Nico.

“So, we can’t tell Jasper’s father, noted. We can still fix this, okay? Please don’t panic. Nothing good ever comes out from acting hastily,” she said before telling me that she’d just go back. Kellan accompanied Addie para bumalik sa ballroom. She said we needed the help of our cousins, and I just agreed. At the moment, all I knew was that I needed to save Jasper and Nico. I didn’t care about the other things anymore.

“Maggie,” Evan said.

I couldn’t even face him. I knew it wasn’t his fault, but I couldn’t help how I was feeling.

“I’m sorry,” he offered, but it wasn’t enough.

A few minutes later, Addie went down with Aspen and Maven.

“You have a boyfriend?” Aspen asked. Maven looked bored, as usual. “Anyway, tell us later. For now, let’s find them,” he said and then we began walking.

Aspen’s a big fan of criminal procedure series, so he was a little bit excited. He gave us our specific tasks, and told us to meet at a spot after a few minutes. I was stuck with Kellan and Evan, while they were stuck with their respective bodyguards.

Tahimik lang ako. Hindi ako nagsasalita. Dumiretso kami hanggang makarating kami sa control room ng CCTV. Evan flashed out his ID, and then like magic, we were allowed inside.

“Around 8:12, hall 5,” he said, and then the guy showed us a screen. I could see Jasper and Nico walking. Sinundan nila iyong camera kung hanggang nasaan makikita sina Jasper. Nasundan sila ng camera hanggang makarating sila sa isang banda na wala ng masyadong tao.

I clenched my fist when I saw someone covering Nico’s head with a bag. Jasper was quick to get his gun, and pointed it at the person in his front. There were only two of them and eight of the fucking bastards! I couldn’t see the perverted piece of shit, but I knew that this was his doing!

Hindi ko alam kung kaya ko pa bang panoorin.

“We should call the police,” I said.

“Maggie—” Evan said.

“I don’t care if ayaw ni Jasper! Or if ayaw ng tatay niya! This is serious, Evan! Jasper and Nico can die!” I shouted. My chest was tightening so bad upon watching Jasper put down his gun dahil may lalaki na naka-tutok iyong baril sa ulo ni Nico.

My eyes began to water. I had never felt this scared in my life.

We should’ve just gone home.

Sabi ko sa kanya, e…

“Paki-lapit nga po doon,” Kellan said. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. Agad kong pinunasan iyong luha na tumulo sa mga mata ko. “Evan, ’di ba may kilala ka na pwedeng kunan ng GPS ng sasakyan? Ito ’yung plate number.”

Evan nodded, and then called someone.

Kellan looked at me. “Ma’am, naiintindihan kita. Pero kalma lang. Pareho lang tayo na nag-aalala sa kanila.”

“But they can—”

“Ma’am, ilang beses na kaming muntik mamatay. Kaya nila ’yun. Tiwala lang, ha?” he said and smiled a little.

“How… can you be so calm?” I asked him because I was on the verge of losing it.

“Kasi kapag oras mo na, oras mo na.”

At hindi pa oras ni Jasper.

Hindi pwede.

---

I didn’t know how Evan managed to do it, but after a few minutes, he had pinged the location of the car. It was just a few minutes from here.

“Are we still going to call the police?” Addie asked me.

“Isn’t it the best way?” I asked. I was unfamiliar with this kind of situation. Unlike my cousins, I spent years abroad. I wasn’t exposed to the kind of life they lived. Iyong puro threats. Iyong ganito.

“Maybe… but our names can get dragged. But if you really want, we’re all for it, right?” she asked Aspen and Maven.

Aspen shrugged. “Sure. What’s a little berating from Abuelo, right, Mags?” he kidded. “But if we’re gonna get in trouble, tawagin na natin sila Psalm! Unfair kapag tayong apat lang!”

Maven creased his forehead. “They’ll notice if we’ll all be gone.”

“Right,” Addie agreed. “Besides, we can do this on our own.”

Why… did they seem so excited? Like we weren’t talking about life and death here!

We all rode in our respective cars. I borrowed Kevin and Andrew, two of Cohen’s bodyguards. I told Cohen na sumabay na lang kay Psalm, and thankfully, he didn’t ask any questions. And apparently, under din pala kay Evan si Kevin and Andrew, so I didn’t have to worry about them snitching on us.

“You’re to stay inside the car,” Evan told me.

“You can’t tell me what to do,” I snapped at him.

“Ma’am,” Kellan cut off. “Wag masyadong maldita. Sumunod ka na lang, okay? Kapag napahamak ka, kami ang papatayin ni Sir Jasper.”

I ignored them hanggang makarating kami sa sinasabi nila na lugar. The place seemed like we’re a few kilometers from the main road. There were lights around, but the area was generally deserted.

I saw Maven and Aspen getting out of their cars together with their bodyguards. Like me, Addie was ordered to stay inside her car. I knew Maven and Aspen were good at shooting, but still. This was real life. They could die.

I’d die if something were to happen to them.

“Kellan and Kevin, stay with Maggie,” Evan instructed. I saw him checking if his gun’s loaded. Dalawa iyong dala niya. Isa sa likod niya, isa na hawak niya. “If anything were to happen, drive away fast, okay?”

“Evan!” I shouted. Did he just order us to leave them?!

But Evan ignored me, and both guys agreed. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Hanggang makaalis si Evan, wala akong magawa dahil nasa gitna ako ni Kellan at Kevin.

“We’re not gonna leave them… right?” tanong ko, pero wala sa kanila na sumagot. “Kellan…” sabi ko. The fear inside my chest doubled. I wasn’t fearing for my life anymore.

I feared what would happen to Nico, and Evan, and Jasper.

Bakit ba kasi nangyayari ’to?

“An order is an order, Ma’am,” Kellan just replied… and then we fucking heard a gunshot.

Chapter 31

#COMM

Chapter 31

My heart was dangerously pounding inside my chest. I quickly reached for the door in an attempt to open it, but Kellan held my hand.

“Let go,” I hissed. I tried to break free from his grasp, but Kellan wouldn’t budge. Gone was the playful Kellan. He looked like he meant business.

Kellan ignored the seriousness in my voice, and instead, said, “Balik na tayo sa bahay.” Biglang nanlaki ang mga mata ko. We just freaking heard a gunshot! My mind was half-crazy thinking about what could’ve happened! Tapos sasabihin niya na aalis kami?!

The driver heeded Kellan’s order and began to speed away. My mouth was left hanging open, unable to believe that we’d just flee and not even try to know what happened to Jasper and Nico!

My chest was heaving in anger. I couldn’t breathe properly. I wanted to lash on someone.

“If something happened to them—” I began, but Kellan cut me off. He looked at me, all seriousness was visible on his face.

“I’d deeply regret it, but an order is an order, Ma’am. Your safety is paramount,” he said, but I continued to glare at him. I couldn’t recognize who was in front of me, like the Kellan I knew completely vanished, and there was a stranger in front of me—a stranger who was completely devoid of any emotion, and just a mere puppet who was designed to follow orders given to him.

Hindi ako makapaniwala sa narinig ko sa kanya.

“It’s Nico… and Jasper. How can you say that?” I asked him, but instead, he just diverted his gaze elsewhere.

Sinubukan ko na tawagan si Addie, pero walang sumasagot sa akin. Pakiramdam ko tuluyan na akong tatakasan ng bait ko. I just wanted to know what was happening, to know that they’re safe… but I felt completely useless.

And completely to be blamed. I was the one who brought this upon us. If only I didn’t meet that fucking asshole… hindi naman mangyayari ’to.

Hanggang makarating kami sa bahay, hindi ako makapagsalita. Tahimik lang akong naghihintay ng balita—kung ano na ’yung nangyari… Tahimik na nagdadasal…

“Ma’am…” Kellan said, the gentleness in his voice was quite apparent again. “Babalitaan na lang namin kayo kung ano ’yung nangyari.”

I stared at him, trying my best not to blame him. He was just following orders… but I still couldn’t instill it in my mind how he could just completely detach himself of feelings.

I could never be as heartless as him. I would always care.

“I’ll stay,” I breathed.

“Ma’am—”

“I’m already close to doing something drastic, Kellan, don’t push me,” I warned him. Nanatili akong nakaupo habang naka-tingin sa kanya. Bawat segundo na lumilipas, palala nang palala iyong kabog sa dibdib ko.

Why… wouldn’t someone call?

Why… wouldn’t someone tell us that everything’s fine?

I didn’t want to think that something happened, but my mind was already going to places that I didn’t even want to consider.

Minutes passed, my hands were still trembling from worrying, nang biglang marinig ko na may kausap si Kellan. He was in a distant. I stood up and went near him, desperate to get at least an assurance that everyone’s fine.

“Copy,” he said. “Sige. Ingat kayo,” he continued.

Nang maputol iyong usapan nila, agad niyang nakita na nakatayo ako sa likuran niya. I was looking at him, waiting for something—just anything.

“Okay naman sila—”

“Walang nasaktan?” I asked.

There was a slight wince on Kellan’s eyes, and that didn’t escape me. My heart began to drum dangerously again. “Okay naman iyong mga pinsan mo, Ma’am.”

“Si Nico? Si Jasper?” I asked again. I just wanted an assurance that they’re fine! Why was he hesitating on saying that to me?! Mababaliw na ako rito!

“Si Nico… nabugbog, Ma’am.”

Fuck.

I swear, ’wag magpapakita sa akin ’yung lalaki na ’yon dahil makakahanap talaga siya ng katapat niya! I wouldn’t give a damn if it was me, pero kapag ’yung mga tao na mahalaga sa akin? I wouldn’t care about what my family would say, I’d really get fucking pissed!

“Si Sir Jasper po… buhay naman,” Kellan said.

“Where is he?”

“Ospital po,” Kellan replied. “Ayos naman si Sir, Ma’am. Pahinga na po kayo.”

I stood up, and got my things. My parents were still clueless about what happened, but I knew that it wouldn’t take long before this matter gets their attention.

“Let’s go,” I commanded him. I didn’t have time to argue with him. My patience was already long gone.

I was escorted by Kellan, Andrew, and Kevin. Pagdating namin sa ospital, doon kami sa likod dumaan. They were well-trained and instructed that in times of distress, we should, in no way, be seen in public. Matters should always be discussed in private, and consequently, arranged in private.

When the car pulled over, Kellan stopped me from immediately going out.

“Nasa sasakyan din ’yung pinsan niyo na si Sir Aspen, Ma’am,” he said. “Iyong si Ma’am Addie, sinamahan ni Sir Maven na umuwi, Ma’am,” he continued.

I nodded, and then went outside. I was being tailed by the three of them, but that was the least of my worry. Tinuro ni Kellan kung nasaan iyong sasakyan ni Santi at mabilis na pumunta ako roon. Even before knocking, the door opened.

“Thank God you’re fine,” I said, and immediately enclosed him in a hug.

Aspen’s face looked weirded out, but he shrugged and returned the hug. “I know you’re worried about your boyfriend, but here are few of the things you should know bago ka makausap nila Auntie,” he said. Even he was aware of the repercussions of the act that we did tonight.

This was the kind that we could not hide from our family forever.

The kind that would surely get us in a lot of trouble.

And for this, I was thankful because they got my back.

“I was able to talk to Ramirez,” he said, and I creased my eyebrow. “The one responsible for the—”

“Right. So, that devil has a name,” I replied.

He grinned at me. “Yeah. Anyway, your boyfriend was the one who fired the shot—and fortunately, Justin’s shoulder was shot. The thing is, if we’re to file a case against Justin, he’ll file a counter case against Jasper for shooting him.”

“But Jasper was just defending himself!” I said, disbelieving that that fucking asshole has the nerve to threaten Jasper! Ang kapal talaga!

“Yeah, I know. I already talked to Maven about this, and he said that we can fight this case, but the thing is, we’ll drag this thing publicly, and as we both know, now is not the best time,” he said.

I felt my entire system shaking in anger.

“So, ganon na lang? We’ll just let him off the hook?” hindi makapaniwala kong sabi.

“No, of course not,” Aspen said, tousling my hair. “We’ll just be more discreet,” he said, winking at me. “For now, go to your boyfriend. I’ll talk to Santi and Maven about this, a’right?”

I nodded, and smiled at him. “Thanks, Aspen.”

“No prob, Mags. Sige na, uwi na rin ako. Baka hanapin ako nila Mama,” he said, gently laughing.

I thanked him one more time, and then proceeded inside the hospital. But before that, a baseball cap was put on top of my head. I looked at Kellan. “Sorry for being such a bitch earlier,” I said. My head was finally able to cool-off a little, knowing that it was Jasper who fired the shot, and not the one shot.

“Okay lang, Ma’am, sanay naman na ako sa pagmamaldita niyo,” he said, kidding. I smiled weakly at him, before we proceeded inside.

Thankfully, there was a cap to, at least, hide my face. I was still wearing my gown, and I was catching unwarranted attention. Pero diretso lang ako hanggang makarating kami sa kwarto ni Jasper. There were two men standing outside Jasper’s room, and I knew they were Addie’s bodyguard. Gosh, hindi ko talaga alam ang gagawin ko kung hindi dahil sa mga pinsan ko.

“Hindi kayo sasama?” I asked when they halted.

“Kayo muna, Ma’am. Punta muna ako kay Nico. Maya na kami kay Sir Jasper,” Kellan said, and then opened the door for me.

Pagpasok ko, agad kong nakita si Jasper. And my blood boiled upon seeing his face.

Hindi ako makagalaw.

I felt like crying.

And shouting.

And hurting someone.

I stood there, looking at his face…

“What time is it?” he asked, trying to lessen the tension.

I fisted my hand. “Don’t you know how to fight?” I asked, my voice shaking from anger. His face was heavily bruised, and there was a bandage around his head. There was also a cut on the side of his lip. At sumisikip ang dibdib ko sa galit.

Jasper tried to smile, but couldn’t because his face looked so messed up. Gusto kong umiyak sa sobrang galit.

Lumapit ako sa kanya. Pero hindi ko siya mahawakan. Natatakot ako na masaktan ko siya.

“Bakit ka nagpabugbog nang ganyan?” mahinang tanong ko sa kanya. My tears began to fall. My entire body was shaking in anger. I wanted to touch him, but my fingers were trembling.

“I’m fine,” he said, wincing every time he tried to speak.

“Okay? Mukha ka ng kambal ng ube!” I shouted out of anger.

Jasper smiled, looking fascinated that I was fuming mad. “I’m still alive,” he replied. Hindi ako makasagot. Tuluy-tuloy lang iyong pagtulo ng luha ko. I stood there, crying while looking at his face. I kept on blaming myself for what happened.

“Hey,” Jasper said, trying to reach for me, but every time he attempted to move, it was as if I could feel the pain from his trying. I couldn’t even begin to wonder what was done to him para magkaganito ang itsura niya!

“Ano’ng klaseng sundalo ka? Hindi ka ba marunong lumaban?” I asked, crying. I tried to wipe the tears from my eyes, but I just kept on crying… hanggang sa maramdaman ko na hatakin ako ni Jasper palapit sa kanya. “Nakakainis ka…” I said, until he enclosed me inside his arms. I gently struck his chest with my arm, but he just tightened his arms around me… and finally, I relaxed.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano kami katagal na magkayakap, I felt tired… my lids felt heavy against my eyes… Until I heard voices.

“Kunin ko na si Ma’am, Sir? ’Yung kamay niyo…” I heard Kellan’s voice.

“No, it’s okay,” Jasper said, then I felt him brushing my hair with his fingers. I thought it felt good. “How’s Nico?”

“Okay naman, Sir. Kayo, okay na po ba?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Jasper lied. How could he be fine? He looked so beaten up.

“Sir… thank you, ha?” Kellan said, his voice sounded like it was shaking.

“If you’re going to cry, leave the room,” Jasper said.

“Sir naman!” Kellan said, his voice definitely shaking. It seemed like he was crying, too… totally different from what he showed me earlier. It felt like him acting tough was just an act… but inside, he was as shaken as I was.

“Sabi ni Nico, kaya ka bugbog na bugbog kasi sinalo mo lahat nung sa kanya,” Kellan continued. Biglang bumukas iyong mga mata ko. “Para kang tanga, Sir… pero salamat…”

“It’s fine,” Jasper said. I wanted to hug him tighter, and cry altogether. Bakit ko inisip na hindi niya kayang lumaban? When the truth was, he took it all para hindi masaktan si Nico…

God, I was so fucking mad at that Justin!

“Sir, payakap bukas, ha? ’Pag hindi na nakakakapit sa inyo si Ma’am Maggie,” Kellan said. I heard him sniffing. Umiiyak pala talaga siya.

“Para kang tanga,” Jasper said.

“Basta, Sir! Salamat talaga!” Kellan said one more time, before I heard the closing of the door.

When the door closed, I heard Jasper saying, “Maggie.” I shut my eyes tighter. I heard him chuckling. “I know you’re awake,” he said.

Then I fluttered my eyes open. Nagulat ako nang punasan niya iyong gilid ng mga mata ko. Hindi ko namalayan na naiiyak na naman pala ako.

“I’m glad that you saved Nico… but I seriously don’t know what I’d do kapag may nangyari sa ’yo…” I said, and then tears fell down again. This night was too long, and I felt like my heart had been through too much in a span of few hours.

“But I’m still alive, am I not?” he asked.

I gently cupped his face. “Promise me you won’t do this again.”

“Do what?”

“Make me worry to death.”

But instead of answering, he just smiled at me. And with that, I knew that this wasn’t the end of it.

---

The next morning, I was forced to go home.

“I wanna stay…” I groaned. My body felt sore because I slept on the couch. Jasper wanted me to sleep on the bed, but there’s no way that I’d sleep there and let him sleep on the couch. Makita ko pa lang iyong mukha niya, gusto ko ng manuntok.

“I’m fine,” he lied again. “I’ll be out in two days.”

I gritted my teeth. “You better be!” I warned him. His right hand was in a cast dahil hinampas pala siya ng kahoy. I demanded to know kung ano ang ginawa sa kanya ni Justin. At first, he didn’t want to tell me anything dahil magagalit lang daw ako. The hell, of course I’d be mad! Kahit naman kay Evan ginawa ’yun, magagalit pa rin talaga ako!

Jasper smiled at little. His face was so fucking purple, he looked like Barney. Thankfully, the doctor assured me that everything’s fine… that he’d be good as new, provided that he’d follow the doctor’s order.

I visited Nico first, bago ako umuwi. He seemed fine, and he kept on saying sorry dahil pakiramdam niya ay kasalanan niya kung ano ang nangyari kay Jasper… God, I was starting to feel the fury again.

Pagdating ko sa bahay, I pretended to be sick, dahil hindi ako pwedeng umalis. My parents would wonder kung bakit wala sila Jasper… so, I needed to just stay at home. Though, I didn’t know for how long could I pull this without them noticing the absence of both Nico and Jasper.

My manager was clearly displeased with my decision, but it wasn’t as if there’s anything she could do. The first day passed with me just staying inside my room, and worrying to death about Jasper.

Came second day, when someone knocked on my door… and saw my Mom on the other side.

“Ma?” I asked, my heart starting to beat faster.

“Siobhan Margarette…” she began. I felt cold sweat forming on my forehead. “Is there something you want to tell me?” she asked.

“N-nothing,” I answered, feeling like my heart was about to jump out of my ribcage.

“Really?” she asked, eyeing me. Hesitantly, I nodded. “Then why is Justin Ramirez downstairs, asking for you?”

“What?!” biglang napataas iyong boses ko. What was that devil’s spawn doing here?! Pagkatapos ng lahat ng ginawa niya?! Ginagalit niya ba talaga ako?!

Mom smiled teasingly. “Why didn’t you tell me that you’re dating Congressman Ramirez’s son?” she asked. My mouth parted. What the hell?!

Chapter 32

#COMM

Chapter 32

I had been going crazy missing Jasper, but with what was happening, I think it was best that he was still resting sa hospital. I didn’t want him doing anything stupid dahil sa Justin na ’to—but I couldn’t promising not doing anything stupid myself! Asshole niya talaga! Nakaya niya pang pumunta dito despite everything he did!

Some people, ang kakapal talaga ng mukha!

I angrily marched downstairs, and there, I saw Justin… without a single scratch on his stupid face habang si Jasper pwede ng maging kakambal ni Barney!

Upon seeing me, a smile appeared on his stupid face. I wanted to sucker-punch him, but I stopped myself because Mom’s just beside me. But my fist? It was ready to give someone a well-deserved bloody nose.

“I’ll leave you two, and prepare some snacks,” my Mom said with a smile. If only she knew what a horrible person this guy was, I doubt if she’d even let him pass our gates.

When my Mom was out of earshot, I punched Justin’s shoulder.

“Fucki—” Justin shouted, his face red and contorted in pain. I didn’t know if it was his left or right shoulder, but I took a shot and punched his right one. I remembered Aspen telling me that Jasper shot Justin… and God, this wasn’t enough to make him pay for what he did to Nico and Jasper! I wanted so badly to wring his neck, and make him disappear from my life!

Justin’s face was still red. He stood up, and glared at me. “You—”

“Get out of my house,” I cut him off.

A grin appeared on his face. “Make me, princess,” he said in a mocking tone. He glanced at his shoulder, and we both saw a red spot slowly appearing. He clicked his tongue, and looked at me. “I guess you need to get me a new shirt.”

“Ang kapal talaga ng mukha mo.”

“We can play this game, princess. You want your parents to know how your boyfriend shot me?” he asked, and then my nose fumed from anger. “Thought so. Apparently, they’re not aware that you’re dating your bodyguard,” he said, and then took a step closer. There was that freaking grin that I so badly wanted to wipe. “You’re not a good girl like what they’re saying… secretly fucking your guard…”

I looked at him, my body shaking with anger. He looked fucking pleased with himself.

“So, where are we with the shirt?” he asked with a smile.

I begrudgingly stood up, at nagulat ako nung tumayo rin siya. “What are you doing?”

“I’m coming with you.”

My mouth parted. “No.”

“Want me to talk to your mom?”

I bit my tongue so hard to stop myself from cursing him. Nagsimula na akong maglakad. Pumasok ako sa kwarto ni Saint para kumuha ng damit. I threw it at his face at saka nagmadali na lumabas sa kwarto. I couldn’t bear to be in the same room as him. My chest tightens in anger.

So, I was there, standing up habang hinihintay siya na matapos magbihis. But as I was waiting, my phone vibrated, and I saw Jasper calling. I immediately answered it.

“Are you okay?” I worriedly asked.

“Yeah…” he answered. I felt myself slowly relaxing at the sound of his voice. Siya lang talaga ’yung nakakagawa nang ganito sa akin. I didn’t even know when did he start to have such a control over me.

“Good. I’ll try to go there kapag umalis si Mama later,” I told him. Sandali ko pa lang siyang hindi nakikita, pero sobrang namimiss ko na siya. Kahit naman kapag magkasama kami, hindi naman kami nag-uusap masyado kasi tamad magsalita si Jasper. Ewan ko. When it comes to him, suddenly, silence has its own comforting meaning.

“Does your body hurt pa—”

“Thanks for the shirt.”

Oh, shit. Did he really need to almost shout that?!

“Who’s that?” Jasper asked.

“Psalm.”

“That’s not your brother,” he said with finality.

I was looking at Justin, glaring, while he was smugly smiling. Why did he find such delight in ruining my life?! Ano bang ginawa ko sa kanya? I just met him!

“It’s… Justin,” I said, sighing.

I thought Jasper would get mad, but instead, he said, “I’ll talk to him.”

“No,” I instantly said. My jaw was clenching. I badly wanted to remove my slipper and throw it at Justin’s face. “He’s leaving na rin. I promise I’ll do nothing stupid… Okay?”

I knew Jasper wasn’t contented with my answer, but it’s not like he could do anything. He’s still at the hospital. But I was trying my best not to be some damsel in distress. I knew I was at least capable to fend for myself.

“Boyfriend?” Justin asked as soon as I ended the call.

“Yes. So please. Stop lying to my mom. Nililigawan mo ako? Please lang.”

The side of his lips rose. “Why not?” he asked. “We’re more compatible than that loser boyfriend of yours.”

My lips parted. Saan niya nakukuha ’yung lakas ng loob?!

“I’d rather date a dog than date you,” I said through gritted teeth. “Now, if you’re done, you can leave.”

Justin stared at me for quite a few seconds bago nagsimulang gumalaw. He was already leaving, but I was still feeling unwell. It was as if the mere fact that he’s around me was enough to disturb me.

“See you later,” he said.

“See you never,” I replied.

As he went downstairs, I patiently stood there and watched him leave. But even before he could go out, nakita ko na sandali pa niyang kinausap si Mama. God! Why was he doing all this trouble?! I was sure he lived a perfectly disturbed life bago pa man niya ako makilala! Why was he disturbing mine, too?

Nang sigurado na ako na nakaalis na si Justin, at saka lang ako bumaba. I went to the kitchen, and got myself a glass of water. I was about to go back to my room, when I bumped into Kellan.

“I thought you’re with Nico?” I asked.

“Nakabalik na kami, Ma’am,” he replied.

“Akala ko three days pa kayo?” I asked. The last time I talked to their doctor, kailangan pa yata ng few days observation. I failed to catch the exact details, but I was more than willing to oblige. I just wanted both Nico and Jasper safe.

Kellan shrugged, but I knew the reason already.

“I promise I won’t go anywhere habang wala pa si Jasper,” I reiterated. I definitely had no plans of stepping outside. I also didn’t want my parents to know about what happened. Who knew what the repercussions would be?

“E, Ma’am…” Kellan said and scratched his nape.

I was about to answer when I turned around, and saw Mama talking on the phone. Apparently, she’s gonna go somewhere. When she’s out of sight, I immediately told Kellan na we’d go sa hospital.

“Ma’am—”

“Please?” I pleaded. “I need to see Jasper.”

Do you know that kind of feeling? That you just have the need to see someone… That the mere sight of him is enough to pacify your whole system. Iyon kasi ’yung meron ako kapag nakikita ko si Jasper. And ever since I learned about what he did for Nico?

Parang mas nahulog lang ako.

Because if he could sacrifice that much for a friend, he’s definitely someone worth fighting for.

“Okay, Ma’am, pero kaming dalawa lang ni Nico nandito. Si Sir Evan, kasama ni Sir Jasper.”

I nodded at him. “Okay. What do you need me to do?”

“Sino po ba pinaka-tahimik sa kapatid mo?”

“Ha?”

“Kailangan namin ng backup, Ma’am. Sino sa kapatid mo ’yung hindi magsusumbong, Ma’am?”

And because of that, I went upstairs and called Cohen. Apparently, he out with our brothers, but I had to beg him to come home. Good thing Cohen’s a really nice kid. He didn’t even ask me why. Sabi niya lang, he’s on his way na agad.

“Thank you!” I said upon seeing him. I hugged him, and he just stood there. “Tara na,” I told Kellan. Nandyan na sa labas sila Kevin.

“Sama si Cohen, Ma’am,” Kellan said.

Kumunot ang noo ko. “What? No. I want Cohen out of this mess,” I said, firmly standing on my ground. It was bad enough na nadamay sila Addie sa gulo na ’to, hindi ako papayag na masama si Cohen sa gulo na ’to. He’s just a kid. He didn’t deserve an inch of this mess I was sadly a part of.

Kakabalik lang ni Cohen from the kitchen with his tumbler of water. Parang napansin niya na naka-tingin kami both ni Kellan sa kanya kaya napatingin din siya sa amin.

“Bakit po?” he asked. Tignan mo! He’s really just a kid! Kellan would have to fight me bago niya isali si Cohen dito!

I shook my head, and smiled. “Nothing. Just stay here sa house muna, ha? I’ll just borrow your guards.”

Cohen nodded, but didn’t ask any questions. He had always been like this. Never asking questions, just doing what’s asked of him. Sometimes it was nice, but most of the time, I wished he’d stop acting like we’re out to get him if he makes a mistake. He’s allowed to make mistakes. We’ll always forgive him because we love him. I hope he knows that.

Sabay kami ni Cohen na umakyat, but before he got inside his room, he called my name.

“Yes?” I asked, smiling at him.

“Take care,” he simply said.

“Of course,” I said, winking at him. Dumiretso ako sa kwarto at saka nagpalit ng damit. I managed to do everything in five minutes. How? Beats me, too. All I knew was that I needed to see Jasper asap.

Inside the car, Nico was the one sitting beside me. Kellan’s at the seat behind me. Si Kevin sa driver’s seat, then si Andrew sa shotgun. They’re all well-trained, but I still felt safer when it’s Jasper who’s beside me.

“You didn’t need to come,” I told Nico. His face was okay na. Sabi naman ni Kellan, okay na si Nico kasi si Jasper naman talaga ’yung nasaktan. I didn’t even know kung gaano katagal bago mawawala ’yung bruises sa mukha ni Jasper… I didn’t even know kung gaano katagal before my parents start asking questions.

“Okay lang po, Ma’am,” Nico replied, genuinely smiling. “Para kay Sir Jasper naman.”

Pagdating namin sa hospital, pinagsuot na naman nila ako ng cap at saka shades. Feeling ko nga mas pinagtitinginan ako dahil sa getup ko na ’to, e. But I had no energy to argue with them kaya pumayag na lang ako.

Naunang maglakad si Kellan kasi sinabayan ko si Nico. He was limping, and I was trying my best na ’wag mainis kasi naaalala ko na naman si Justin! Nico was still obviously hurt, but he’s not saying anything. It pissed me more.

Bigla akong napahinto when I bumped onto Kellan’s back. Natanggal iyong cap sa impact nung paghinto. He suddenly just halted kasi.

“What—” I asked tapos napansin ko na the door opened. A lady just about my age came out, and looked at me. She was staring—more like glaring. Kumunot ang noo ko. What did I do? Ngayon ko lang siya nakita! Seriously, people should stop doing this! Na hindi naman nila ako kilala pero galit na agad sila sa akin!

“Cza,” Evan said, naka-sunod dun sa babae. “Let’s go.”

Hindi pa gumalaw ’yung Cza at saka tinignan lang ako. I stared back at her. Ano bang problema niya?

“Jasper’s inside,” Evan said to me, instead. His eyes were pleading na ’wag na akong tumitig pabalik. I sighed. I was in no mood to argue with anyone, but he better explain to me kung ano ang problema nung kasama niya.

I didn’t say anything, and just proceeded inside. There, I saw Jasper who looked pissed as hell. He looked like he had just finished arguing with someone. Seriously, sino ba ’yung babae na ’yun?

“Hey,” I said. Bigla na siyang napatingin sa akin. I was about to ask him who the lady was, but he attacked me with his question.

“Why was he with you?” he asked, kunut-noo.

Lumapit ako sa kanya, and kissed his cheek. I carefully hugged him, and laid my head against his shoulder. I needed to do this first kasi if not, mainit ulo ko. I might rant. And I didn’t want that. Jasper needed to rest, I didn’t want to give him more problems.

“I don’t know… Nagulat lang ako sabi ni Mama nasa baba daw siya,” I said, comfortably caressing his arm with my hand.

“I need Kellan and Nico with you all the time,” he said.

“About that…” sabi niya. Umayos ako ng upo at saka tumingin sa kanya. “Do you think it’s better if I go on a vacation?” I thought it would be the best for everyone. It would give Jasper time to heal… tapos pwede ring umuwi muna si Nico sa family niya.

“You’ll leave me for a month again?” sabi niya na parang may pagtatampo sa boses. Hindi ko napigilan na mapa-ngiti. Siguro, first time ko lang na ngumiti talaga pagkatapos nung nangyari…

I wrinkled my nose. “Cute mo,” I said. “I think lang naman na it’ll be best for everyone. I mean, I can’t stay at the house for a month. Mom will ask questions,” I explained. “And you definitely can’t show your Barney face sa bahay.”

Although his bruises were medyo yellow na. I figured it was a sign na it’s healing na? But still. He looked like kakagaling niya lang sa brawl.

“So, you’re going to leave…” he said with an obvious sad tone.

I looked at him, and carefully cupped his face. “What’s more important is that I’m coming back. For you.”

---

I stayed with Jasper until I received a text from Cohen saying na pauwi na raw si Mama, so I definitely needed to go home na.

“I gotta go,” I said, kissing his cheek. Siguro, three weeks, and he’d be good as brand new.

Aalis na sana ako, pero ayaw bitawan ni Jasper ’yung kamay ko. Bigla akong natawa. “Didn’t know being injured can make you clingy,” I said, still laughing. I still wasn’t used to Jasper being all over me. Siguro because we started na ako ’yung sobrang kulit sa kanya? Tapos biglang siya ’yung ganito bigla sa akin.

“See me before you go,” he commanded. Bossy talaga.

“You need not tell me, First Lieutenant,” I said, and then leaned in and kissed him again sa cheek. May cut pa kasi ’yung sa gilid ng lips niya. Nakakainis talaga ’yang Justin na ’yan.

After that, dumiretso na kami sa bahay. Pagdating, dumiretso agad ako sa loob. Good thing Mom was in a relatively good mood. Umupo ako sa tabi niya.

“Mom…” I said. She looked at me. I was about to tell her about my plan na pumunta muna kung saan mang bansa. I just needed to be out of the country para hindi mapansin iyong kay Jasper. I didn’t care about Justin just yet. Si Jasper muna ang priority ko.

But before I could say anything, Mom stood up. I froze.

“Ma,” Mom said, and then kissed Abuela’s cheek. My heart started beating. It was never a good thing kapag nasa bahay si Abuela! Para siyang bearer of bad news!

“Siobhan?” Abuela asked. I stood up, and kissed her cheek. I was sure I was slightly shaking.

“Did… I do something wrong?” I asked, because that’s what usually brought her to see me. Either I did something wrong. Or one of my brothers.

“Silly girl,” she said, waving her hand. “Come. Sit,” she said, and then tapped the space beside her. I looked at Mom for help, but she just shrugged, like she had no idea, too. What was happening?!

“Care to explain this?” Abuela asked, and then laid down pictures of Jasper and me.

Chapter 33

#COMM

Chapter 33

To say that my heart was beating wildly inside my chest would be the understatement of the year! I think to say that I was on the verge of a heart attack would be more apt! It was only a little over ten minutes, but it felt like the rest of my life.

And they wonder why we seldom visit them.

“Ma…” I gently called. She turned back, smiling at me. How could she smile?! Gosh! Muntik na ako ma-heart attack dahil kay Lola! I mean, she didn’t ask me anything naman, but still! There’s really something talaga na sobrang off putting.

Or baka naman paranoid lang ako?

Ugh.

This was all Justin’s fault! Ever since he came into my life, puro problems na lang dala niya talaga! Sarap saktan!

“Are we in trouble?” I asked.

“Trouble?” she repeated.

I nodded. “I mean, our family? GDL? Or maybe de Marco?” I asked. I couldn’t exactly pinpoint but during my brief but terrifying conversation with Abuela, I felt na there’s something wrong. She kept on hinting kasi na I should befriend Justin.

That it would be nice daw if I make friends—rather connections with a Ramirez.

Abuela never asked me of anything. So, hearing her hint na I should keep Justin close was making me so freaking curious.

Mama shrugged. “If anything, you should ask your Dad.” I frowned. Mama laughed. “You know that as much as I can, I try not to concern myself with politics,” sabi niya. I sighed. I understood naman. I mean, same. I try naman not to meddle with anything politics related because I was super aware na sobrang gulo ng world na ’yun…

I didn’t want to get dragged!

But with Justin keen on dragging me into this mess, I was left with no choice! Tapos si Abuela pa! Gosh! Gusto ko lang naman ng tahimik na lovelife and steady career, but bakit ako nadadamay sa ganito?!

“Fine…” I replied, sighing. “But if you hear anything…”

Mama laughed. “I’ll surely tell you.”

Gosh.

Why did I have to be born into a political clan?

---

“Hi, Ma’am!” Kellan greeted. He’s the only one who could go out of the guesthouse because Nico’s still in the process of healing. But thankfully, konti na lang naman and he’d be good as new na ulit.

“Hi…” I greeted back rather dimly.

“Punta po tayo kay Sir Jasper ngayon?” he asked while we were walking side by side. Hindi ko rin alam where Evan was, but maybe he went home. I didn’t know. I was just really so out of it the past few days. Iyong problema ko kay Justin na lang talaga iyong nasa isip ko.

Na kung paano ko ba ’yun malulusutan.

And what the hell he really wanted from me.

I nodded. “But daan muna tayo kay Addie,” I replied. I walked mindlessly again. Papa didn’t come home last night kasi may meeting pa raw siya somewhere else. And if he just came home from a meeting that sounded super important, we all knew that that’s never a good time to ask him of anything. Super pressured kasi si Papa sa work niya, so we try not to add to the pile. Buti na lang super busy din ng brothers ko with basketball so parang may mga sariling mundo lang din kami sa bahay.

“Hey!” bati ko kay Addie nung nakita ko siya. “Haven’t seen you in a while,” I said.

She shrugged. “What can I do for you?”

I eyed her. “Grabe. Do I visit you lang if I need something?”

She nodded. “Yeah, but I really don’t mind,” she replied. “So…”

I sighed. I knew naman na I could trust her to be on my side always. Besides, Addie’s the one who’s aware of almost everything. At saka if hindi niya rin alam what’s up with the fam, she could always ask her twin naman. Pretty sure na Maven’s up to date sa mga nangyayari kasi so far, siya pa rin talaga ’yung groomed to be the next president from the clan.

I began to tell her about everything na nangyari sa house. Alam niya naman ’yung problem with Justin, so I didn’t have to include that. I just probably sounded really problematic because…

If my Abuela had to interfere? Might as well shake my knees in fear.

“So, do they have a problem ba? Kasi as far as I’m concerned, Abuelo’s okay naman with those poll in politics or whatever, right?” I asked.

Addie looked like she was deep in thought. “The Ramirez are from Ilocos,” she stated. I just nodded. I didn’t know naman kung saang sulok ng impyerno galing ’yung si Justin.

“So?”

Addie looked at me like I was a babe lost in the city. “They control the north.”

“So?” I asked again, still not getting the sense na why kailangan ako makipagclose kay Justin?! Bakit?!

Addie sighed. “If what I think is true that Abuelo’s new rival controls Davao and Cagayan, then Abuelo must be really desperate to make friends with the Ramirez’s.”

“I don’t understand,” I said.

“You’re the offering,” she replied.

“The what?”

She pointed at me. “You. You’re being offered. You’re the offering.”

“I’m the fucking what?” hindi makapaniwala na sabi ko. I still didn’t understand everything fully, but I already hated what I could understand! That what?! They were so freaking desperate to get the support of the North that they’d pimp me?!

“Offering,” she repeating just to annoy me. Binagalan niya pa iyong pagsasalita ng bawat syllable! Ugh! Minsan talaga I just hate how emotionless siya—both sila ng kambal niya! Ang lakas mang-inis!

“If it’s true that Abuelo already lost the South, then he must be really desperate to be in the good graces of the one who controls the North,” Addie said, shrugging like everything’s freaking fine! Hell, I was being offered! ’Di ako aware na uso pa pala ’yun! “Pretty sure one of these days, you’ll see more of that Ramirez,” she said with a hint of distaste. “A bunch of jackasses, you’ll see.”

“No,” I said, shaking my head in fear of what’s to come. “They can’t do that to me.”

“Apparently, they can,” she said, looking me straight in the eye as if to tell me that this was really happening. “You know them, Mags. Nothing’s off-limits when it comes to keeping the power. Not even you.”

---

I tried to calm myself down nang papunta na kami kay Jasper. Truth be told, I was really bothered. Alam ko naman na tama si Addie… If what she said was true, then Abuelo would really do anything to ensure that the election would end in his favor.

And I knew that he wouldn’t hesitate to ask me to do this for him.

For the family.

But what if I didn’t want to?

Kaya ko bang sabihin?

Could I say no? Did I really have a choice?

Or was having an option just an illusion?

Pero… kung sasabihin ko ba iyong tungkol sa amin ni Jasper, would they leave me alone? Would they respect me and my choice? Would they promise not to do anything to me?

Or to Jasper?

“Kellan,” I said.

“Yes, Ma’am?”

“What’s the worst thing someone can do to you?” I asked him.

“Magutom,” seryosong sagot niyan.

I frowned. “Serious kasi.”

Napa-kamot siya sa batok niya. “Ang serious naman kasi ng tanong mo, Ma’am!” sabi niya. “Pero wala talaga akong maisip, Ma’am… Kasi sa trabaho namin, parang everyday is my last day. Ganon. Kaya yolo lang ako palagi. Malay ko ba kung patay na ko bukas?” diretso na sagot niya. “Bakit mo natanong, Ma’am?”

I sighed. “Nothing…”

Hindi naman siguro aabot sa ganon.

I knew that my family loves me… Siguro naman if nalaman nila na I have Jasper in my life, they’d respect it and respect me. Tao naman ako. Hindi ako bagay na pwede nilang kontrolin.

And especially not my feelings.

That couldn’t be dictated.

But truth be told, with politics involved, I didn’t think that anything’s off-limits anymore. I’d seen it happen to some of my cousins, but I didn’t want to live it.

---

Before entering the hospital, I just followed the usual protocol—I wore a baseball cap and shades. I just really wanted to see Jasper. To see my calm in the middle of the storm. Because after everything that I’d heard and learned today, I just needed him to tell me that everything’s gonna be fine.

That the worst had already passed, and things had no way but to get better.

“Hey,” he said upon seeing me. His face was healing already. Still a bit far from that, but he’d get there.

I smiled at him.

It took a lot from me to smile.

I just… felt too much too soon.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

I nodded, then came near him. I pulled the chair close to his bed, and sat on it. Tapos, dahan-dahan ko na pinatong iyong ulo ko sa kama niya. I felt him placing his hand on the top of my head.

“Problem?” he asked. He was gently patting my head, and it felt really comforting. It just really amazes me how one people could make everything better. Na even if you feel like the universe conspired against you, sometimes, it just really takes one special person to make you feel otherwise.

I held my head up, and looked at him.

I smiled.

“I’m fine na,” I said. I just looked at him, and told myself that it’s gonna be fine. Jasper wouldn’t leave me… and I wouldn’t leave him.

I wouldn’t leave him without putting up a fight.

“Hey,” sabi ko nung naka-tingin lang siya sa akin. Alam ko naman na ’di siya naniniwala na ayos lang ako kasi si Jasper ’yan. Iyong tipo na hindi ko pa alam tungkol sa sarili ko, ramdam niya na agad. It’s just futile lying to him. “About the vacation…” I said.

He sighed. He really hated the idea.

“I just don’t know how long until Mom realizes that something happened,” paliwanag ko sa kanya. How long it would take until my entire family learned about what happened. And with the rate things were going, they definitely didn’t need a bad publicity. Baka mas lalo nilang kailanganin na mapalapit ako kay Justin.

Jasper looked at me. I fought the urge to bite my lower lip. Justin really did a number on his face. Gusto ko ring mambugbog!

“You really want to leave?” he asked.

Slowly, I nodded. “Ito lang naman ’yung choice…”

“It’s your choice,” he replied.

My lips parted. “I don’t want to leave,” I said, keeping my calm. Akala ba niya madali sa akin? Para na akong mababaliw! All I wanted to do was to be with him, but that wasn’t that simple! Ang dami kong kailangang isipin, kailangang i-consider!

Hindi na lang naman ’to tungkol sa akin.

He changed that when he shot someone!

“Then don’t,” he said.

“It’s not that simple.”

“You’re the one who’s complicated.”

Tuluyan nang umawang ang labi ko. Hindi ko alam pero biglang nagtubig iyong mata ko. Did he really think that this was easy for me? To just fucking leave everything?!

To concede because it felt like there was no chance of winning?

Not even the slightest of odds.

Tumingin ako sa kanya. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasabihin. Kilala ko si Jasper. If I tell him about my concern… about his safety, he’d just tell me not to think about it too much.

That he’d be okay.

That we’d be okay.

Pero hindi kasi ganon. Iba. Hindi ko alam kung maiintindihan niya ba na iba… na seryoso ’to. Na hindi ko alam kung hanggang saan ’yung kayang gawin ng pamilya ko para lang makuha ’yung gusto niya. And I didn’t want Jasper to play hero. Because the thing about heroes? They all die.

“You should know that this is not easy for me, as well,” tahimik na paliwanag ko sa kanya. I wanted him to at least realize that this was hard for me, too.

“Nothing is ever easy, Siobhan,” he said, looking straight into my eyes. “Sometimes, you just got to dive in, and figure out the rest.”

I wanted to smile.

My Jasper.

So fucking brave.

But I didn’t want his bravery to be his death. Because that’s just who he was—sacrificing himself for someone else.

“Just tell them,” he said.

Biglang umawang iyong labi ko. “What?”

“About us. Tell them,” seryosong sabi niya.

Umiling ako. “No. Justin will…” hindi ko matuloy iyong sasabihin ko. Hindi ko rin alam kung ano ang gusto ni Justin. But all I knew was that he didn’t like Jasper in my life.

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine,” he said, but not even an inch of that I believed.

Chapter 34

#COMM

Chapter 34

I needed to talk to a lot of people. A whole lot of them.

“Where’s Evan?” I asked Nico who was quietly resting. As much as I wanted to send him home to his family, hindi ko magawa. I was beginning to think na Mama was being suspicious with Jasper’s disappearance already, so I couldn’t risk na pati si Nico hanapin niya.

“Umalis po kanina, Ma’am. Baka mamaya babalik,” he answered. “Bakit po? Aawayin niyo na naman?” nagbibiro na sabi niya.

I sighed. Buti nga kung ganoon lang. But my problems were more than that already. Gone were the days na ang problema ko lang ay kung bakit ayaw sa akin ni Evan para kay Jasper. Kasi ngayon, it felt like everyone’s doing their thing to keep us apart.

And deep within me, I felt like I was doing a part, too.

I just didn’t know what I’d rather do. If I should just let the world burn and be happy, or to think about what’s going to be the best for everyone.

“Are you sure? I went here yesterday din, pero hindi ko pa rin naabutan si Evan,” I said. The doctor already gave clearance para makalabas si Jasper sa hospital. He still needed to rest to heal, but he’s already safe from any major problem.

Well, not really. He’s really keen on telling my family about us para tigilan na ako ni Justin. And I’d be all for that, too, if only my Abuelo wasn’t desperate for the influence that Justin’s family has, sadly.

“Di ko po alam, Ma’am, e. Simula po nung na-ospital si Sir Jasper e palaging umuuwi sa kanila si Sir Evan,” paliwanag ni Nico. Maybe his wife needed him, too, but it was out of character because not once did I see Evan sa hospital ever since naka-salubong ko palabas sa room ni Jasper iyong babae. But maybe that was just his wife.

I stayed at the guesthouse for a while, but Evan didn’t come home. Hindi na rin ako umalis sa bahay because all my brothers were out. And with what happened to Jasper na kinuha sila ni Justin, I just really felt ton safer inside the confines of our home.

I thought my day would be a waste again, but when I saw Papa emerging out of the car…

God.

Bahala na.

“Pa,” I managed to say in the most inaudible way possible. I knew my dad loves me, but I also knew that it’s an entirely different matter now that the family name’s involved. There’s just too much at stake already.

“Yes?” tanong niya.

I stared at him for a second. “Can we talk?”

He stared back with his forehead creased a little. So… Mama hadn’t said anything yet. I didn’t know what to feel about that. If paano ko sisimulan na sabihin or what. “Is it serious?” tanong niya ulit.

“I guess…” mahina kong sagot.

“Are your brothers in yet?” he asked.

I shook my head. “Not yet,” I replied.

Kumunot lalo ang noo niya. He eyed me like he was beginning to realize things. I made no attempt to hide the thing that I was feeling—heck, I couldn’t even properly name what I was feeling. Parang magkahalo na kaba, takot, excitement. I was feeling so many things all at once that it made me feel dizzy.

“You’re usually the last one to be home,” he pointed. “But now, you’re always around,” he continued. “Are you in trouble?”

Tinignan ko si Papa. I didn’t want to lie to him—when it comes to my family, I try to do all the right things whenever I could. And I knew that Papa would help me naman… I was his only girl! I mean, except for Cindy, but still.

“Is Abuelo in trouble?” I asked.

“Papa?” he asked. I nodded. “Why?”

I sighed. Gosh. ’Di ko na mabilang if pang-ilang sigh ko na ’to! Feeling ko I aged so much ever since Justin entered my life!

“Kasi…” I began, trying to find the courage to tell him what happened last time. Abuela still hadn’t came back, but I was afraid when she came back tapos tatanungin niya kung kamusta na ba kami ni Justin, e wala naman talaga! And if they really wanted that much coveted North, then magcampaign sila nang sobra doon! Bakit kailangan kasama ako?! Kailangan ba ng validation ng mga Ramirez bago manalo si Abuelo?

“What?” he asked. “Come on. What’s the problem?”

“Kasi… Abuela went here the last time. She was asking about me and Justin.”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Justin?”

I nodded. “Justin Ramirez? The son of Congressman Ramirez?”

“And why are you associated with that person?” biglaang sabi ni Papa. Tignan mo na! Kahit siya ayaw niya sa mga Ramirez! Si Justin pa lang kasi, e! I mean, if the fruit really doesn’t fall far from the tree…

“I don’t know,” nahihirapan na sabi ko. I looked at Papa, and he looked really concerned now. My heart melted. Gusto kong umiyak kasi kahit sobrang busy niya palagi sa work niya, kapag kailangan ko talaga siya, he’s always there.

“Just… one day, he approached me. Then, hindi ko na alam. He’s everywhere. He keeps on telling me that he wants to be close to me,” I continuously said although my chest kept on tightening with every word that came out of my mouth. I just wanted to tell him everything so that it would be one less baggage inside my chest.

When I couldn’t speak anymore, I stopped. Ngayon ko lang naramdaman na sobrang dami kong dinadala sa dibdib ko. Na parang biglaang, nagsabay-sabay sila.

“I don’t want to be close to him,” I said, staring into Papa’s eyes. “I don’t even want him in my life.”

Nagulat ako nang biglang ibaba ni Papa iyong hawak niyang brief case, at marahan akong hinatak papunta sa kanya. He enclosed me inside his arms, and gently patted my head.

“Then don’t,” he said.

“But Abuela said—”

“I’ll talk to them,” Papa said.

“Takot ka rin sa kanila, e…”

I mean, who’s not? Kahit nga si Auntie Beatrice na medyo baliw, takot din kila Abuela, e. I believe nga na sila Abuela iyong dahilan why nabaliw si Auntie. They’re that scary. They didn’t even have to say a word; they’d just make you feel… things.

Papa laughed. “I know, but you don’t have to be involved, and they certainly can’t force you to do anything against your will.”

I tightened my hug. I love my dad… I love my family…

“One more thing…” I said, slowly breaking the hug. Tinignan ko si Papa. Huminga muna ako nang malalim. My heart was racing dangerously inside my chest, but I tried to pacify the storm that was brewing inside.

I needed to get this over with.

I couldn’t forever hide it.

“I…” dahan-dahan kong sabi. “I have a boyfriend.”

Parang may malaking tinik na nawala sa chest ko. But my shaking hands were telling an otherwise story. I was almost shaking in fear whilst waiting for a reaction from Papa—just literally freaking anything! His face giving me nothing was making me thing of everything!

“Is that the reason why you just can’t tell them that you don’t want to?” tanong ni Papa matapos ang ilang segundo na halos pumutol sa hininga ko.

Dahan-dahan akong umiling. “No…” I said, and then I began to tell him about the real reason why I couldn’t just tell Justin to just back the fuck off.

---

Following my father’s advice, the moment that Jasper was out of the hospital, I dragged him to see my cousin.

“I want to rest,” Jasper said.

“Later, promise,” sabi ko habang katabi ko siya sa sasakyan.

“Just tell me where we’re going,” he asked again. I shook his head. He eyed me. “What are you planning?”

I shrugged my shoulders. I wasn’t telling him anything until I was sure that everything would be done accordingly. I wanted us to get out of this mess unscathed—physically and legally.

But the crease on Jasper’s forehead was still there. I twisted a little, tapos inilagay ko iyong kamay ko sa noo niya. I tried to straighten his forehead.

“Don’t worry na, please? This will be fast lang naman. We’ll just talk to someone, tapos ihahatid na kita sa house niyo,” sabi ko. I was also kind of excited since first time kong ihahatid si Jasper sa house nila. It was kind of unfair na alam niya na almost everything about me, pero ako basic details lang ’yung alam ko.

“I’ll stay at Evan’s.”

“Ha? ’Di ba he’s married? Makikitira ka sa kanila?”

He nodded.

Ayaw niya bang malaman ko kung saan siya nakatira?

Was he still mad kasi akala niya hindi ko pa rin sinasabi sa parents ko iyong tungkol sa amin?

I stayed silent after that. Mamaya ko na sasabihin. Gusto ko lang naman na kapag sinabi ko na sa kanya, maayos na lahat. I just didn’t want to give him false hope until everything’s certain.

Pagdating namin sa unit ni Addie, sandali kaming naghintay. I couldn’t meet them at our house, nor at theirs. Hindi rin pwede sa public. This was the safest place.

“I didn’t study law to fix this family’s mess,” sabi ni Maven nang makita kami ni Jasper. I just smiled at him. Ganito naman talaga si Maven. This was his way of saying hi.

Jasper looked at me, confused with what’s happening.

“Thanks for seeing us, Mav,” I said. Umupo siya sa harap namin. He was looking at us like he was already bored. Tiniis ko na lang because we’re the ones who needed him.

Tinignan ko si Jasper na hindi pa rin alam kung ano ang nangyayari.

“Aspen already told me na sabi mo, hindi naman makukulong si Jasper—”

“What?” biglang putol ni Jasper sa sinasabi ko. I knew he didn’t know about this. I begged Nico and Kellan not to tell Jasper about anything tungkol dito kasi ang gusto ko lang ay magpagaling siya.

Besides, I thought I could handle Justin alone.

Not until that devil decided to take advantage of my grandparents.

“Yeah,” Maven said. “It’s self-defense.”

“Sure ka? I mean, baka they’d play dirty and do something para makulong si Jasper…” nag-aalala na sabi ko.

“What’s happening?” biglang sabi ni Jasper. Mas lumakas iyong boses niya. Like he was demanding to be answered.

I looked at him, and took a deep breath before starting. “Justin threatened to sue you since you kind of shot him…”

“He was swinging a bat at me!” Jasper exclaimed.

“I know…” pilit kong kalmado na sinabi kahit kumulo iyong dugo ko. Hindi ko alam ’yun, ah! Gagong lalaki talaga ’yun! “But you shot him—”

Maven began to speak kaya natigilan ako. It looked like he didn’t want to spend another minute here, so he began to tell me things I wasn’t sure I exactly understood.

“He won’t face any charges,” Maven said.

“Are you sure?” I asked.

He almost rolled his eyes kasi bakit nga ba hindi ako naniniwala? He’s Maven! Of course he’s right! Never naman siyang nagkamali… except when it came to emotions… rather the lack thereof. 

“It’s obviously self-defense,” sabi niya na naman.

“But what if sabihin niya na he was shot naman?” I asked.

He rolled his eyes at me na talaga. “Article 11 of the Revised Penal Code states that anyone who acts in the defense of his person or rights do not incur criminal liability—”

“Pero what if—”

“I heard about what happened. It’s self-defense, and there are lots of aggravating circumstances against that Ramirez. If he’s smart, he’d know that filing a case will just backfire,” he said, now looking utterly bored. He stood up. “But if worse comes to worst, I’ll represent your boyfriend,” Maven continued.

“Sigurado ka, ha?”

Maven didn’t answer. “Go consult another lawyer,” sabi niya bago umalis. Tss. Sungit.

But when I turned, I saw Jasper whose jaw was clenched. I didn’t know what to do! He looked mad at me, but I was doing what I thought was right naman! Syempre I got scared when Justin threatened to sue! Ayokong makulong siya e nadamay lang naman siya dahil sa kung anuman ang habol sa akin ni Justin!

“What?” Jasper asked, his voice dark.

I looked at him, finding just an inch of light, but his face was grim with darkness. “I just…” I trailed. “I just didn’t want you to worry,” I said, sighing.

“And you thought keeping this from me would make me feel better?”

“Hindi naman sa ganon… You just got badly beaten up—”

“I can take care of myself.”

“You didn’t see yourself, Jasper,” sabi ko habang nagsisikip iyong dibdib. I pointed at him. “But I saw you.”

My eyes began to water. I suddenly remember how I felt when I saw him.

When I saw him half-dead from what Justin did to him.

Could he blame me for thinking this way?

Could he blame me for doing everything just to keep him safe?

“I almost lost you,” I croaked. I stared at him. My eyes were watery, but I still wanted to see him. To know that he’s still with me. “I can’t lose you.”

I waited.

I waited to hear something from him.

But all I felt was him pulling me close, and trapping me inside his arms.

“You won’t lose me,” he whispered. “I promise.”

But aren’t all promises made to be broken?

---

I decided not to confront Jasper kung bakit sa bahay nila Evan ko siya ihahatid. I kept myself busy by bugging Maven para magprepare if ever mabaliw si Justin. We just needed receipts to show what really happened that night kasi that lunatic might twist the narrative in his favor.

A week later, both my parents were in Madrid when Abuela unfortunately caught me at the house alone. She told me that there’s this party that I should attend because it’s for the supporters of Abuelo’s campaign. Succinctly said, those who would fund Abuelo’s campaign and in return, get favors. Ganoon naman talaga.

I purposely didn’t tell Jasper about this kasi magpupumilit ’yun na sumama e he’s still in the process of healing. But of course, to pacify him kahit hindi niya alam, I brought both Kellan and Nico with me. I knew naman na Jasper trusted both of them.

“I’m seriously gonna stab you kapag hindi mo tinanggal ’yang kamay mo,” I told Justin whose hand was comfortably resting on the small of my back. I was smiling while saying this because all eyes were on us. If I didn’t know better, si Abuela iyong nagpakalat ng gossip na meron daw something sa amin ng nawawalang anak ng kadiliman.

Justin laughed. “Oh, Mags.”

“Why can’t you just get someone who’s willing? Do you get off forcing yourself on someone?” I asked. “Like your brother? Ganoon ba?”

His face darkened.

Fuck! I hit a nerve! After a lot of tries, dito lang pala ma-o-offend ’yung bwisit na ’to!

“Does being a rapist run in the blood?” tanong ko habang naka-tingin sa mukha niya. His jaw was dangerously clenched, but if he’s gonna force himself on me, I’d make it worth his fucking while.

Unti-unti niyang inalis iyong hawak sa likod ko.

“Careful there, Margarette.”

“What?” I asked, my eyes wide whilst still looking at him. “Hit a nerve, Ramirez?”

“Don’t forget that I—”

I cut him off. “What? Sue Jasper?” tanong ko kaya nagulat siya. “Iyon ba?” tanong ko pero hindi siya nakapagsalita. I cocked my head to the side, and stared at his face. I wanted him to see that I wasn’t someone he could just push around when he felt like it.

A devious smile dawned on his face.

Chills crept up my spine, but I forced myself to look brave in front of him.

“You wanna play that game?” he asked. I didn’t say a word. “Alright. We’ll play,” sabi niya, at saka iniwan ako.

Chapter 35

#COMM

Chapter 35

I stared at him, with fear slowly creeping in to my system. I knew I shouldn’t have messed with him… because something about him screamed danger. And I didn’t want danger. I just wanted a peaceful life with my family and Jasper.

Yet seeing his face made me lose control.

Like I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me defeated.

“Are you threatening me?” I asked, my jaw clenched.

“I don’t do threats, Maggie,” he said, his face now calmed down. The situation turned around fast. I didn’t know how he’s playing this game, but he’s got the control. Again.

God, I should’ve just shut up! I shouldn’t have triggered this monster! I should’ve known that nothing good could ever come with dealing with him! He’s a Ramirez, for God’s sake!

“I make promises,” he continued, smiling.

“If you dare touch me—”

He quickly cut me off. “No, of course I wouldn’t dare.”

And my jaw quickly dropped, and fear crept into my system upon the realization. “Just leave Jasper out of this!” I almost shouted. Wala na akong pakielam kung sino pa ang makakita o makarinig sa amin. Hadn’t he done enough?! He already sent Jasper to the hospital! Wala namang ginagawa sa kanya iyong tao! Ano ba talaga ang problema niya?!

“Oh, but he’s right in the center of this,” he said.

Nagsimula na siyang maglakad, pero mabilis akong sumunod sa kanya. I saw my Abuela’s approving look. She must be thinking that I was doing her bidding, that I was getting close to this devil. Kung alam niya lang kung ano ang tumatakbo sa isip ko!

“Justin!” sigaw ko habang sinusundan siya pababa sa hagdan. “Kinakausap kita, ano ba!” sigaw ko dahil hindi siya humihinto.

Ugh! He’s the one who started this! Tapos biglang ayaw niyang makipag-usap!

“You fucking spawn from—” Natigil ako sa pagsasalita nang makita ko si Evan. My thoughts about killing Justin quickly disappeared. Mabilis akong lumapit kay Evan. I hadn’t seen him for a few days since Jasper got hospitalized. I’d been meaning to see him, but Kellan said na even him hindi niya nakikita si Evan. I guess it had slipped from my mind.

“Hey,” I said. “Are you alright?” I asked. Of course, he’s Jasper’s friend… or maybe best friend? I just couldn’t really understand the relationship between the two of them. It seemed a bit more complicated, and right now, I couldn’t deal with complicated.

He nodded. “Why are you still talking to him?” tanong niya sabay tingin sa pintuan na nilabasan ni Justin.

Gosh. He’s seen it.

“Please don’t tell Jasper,” I begged. “He already told me to stay away from him…”

“Then why don’t you ever listen?” Evan shot back.

I wanted to.

So bad.

But how could I ignore Justin when he’s threatening Jasper? Should I just pretend that everything’s fine? And if something happens? Paano ako?

I looked at Evan, pondering if I should tell him… maybe I should. Kilala niya si Jasper. Alam niya kung ano ang dapat gawin. And I knew that I couldn’t do this by myself. I needed everyone’s help.

So, after sighing, I began to tell him everything including the threat that Justin just gave me.

“Do you think he’s serious?” I asked, really worried. I dug a little about Justin’s family, and I didn’t like what I saw. If his brother managed to evade all charges against a rape case where the evidence clearly points at him, what more do I expect?

“Didn’t he already send Jasper to the hospital?” Evan shot back.

Hindi ako makapagsalita. Even if he didn’t say it, I knew that Evan was blaming me for what happened. And I blamed myself, too. If it weren’t for me, Justin wouldn’t have done that to Nico and Jasper. But I couldn’t do anything. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gusto ni Justin.

And if it’s me he wanted, I knew I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t be with someone like him.

“I don’t want Jasper to get hurt,” I said. “What should I do?”

He’s silent. I didn’t know what he was thinking. I never really liked Evan, but I trusted him. And I knew that he wouldn’t let anything happen to Jasper. He’s his friend. I knew I could trust him with his life.

“Stay away from Justin,” he said.

“But—”

“If you really know Jasper, you should know that you getting hurt would be the last thing that he’d want,” he said, quickly cutting me off.

I clenched my jaw. Didn’t he think I already know that? I knew that I should protect myself against Justin… but with him constantly implying that he’d hurt Jasper, I was losing my sanity. I didn’t know what I’d do if I learned that he hurts Jasper once again.

“I… I just want him safe,” I whispered. Evan’s face softened. “Can you promise that he’d be safe?” I begged. I didn’t know who to turn to anymore. I felt so helpless. I felt like there’s no place safe enough for me to run to.

“He’ll be fine,” Evan said… but for some reasons, I just couldn’t believe him.

---

I was sulking in a corner when Abuela caught me. She had this smile on her face, but I knew that that’s the kind of smile that I should never trust.

“Where’s Justin?” she asked.

I bit my tongue to stop myself from being sarcastic. “He excused himself,” I politely said. I didn’t even know where that asshole was. All I knew was that I hit a nerve when I talked smack about his brother. Tss. It must be true that truth indeed hurts.

“Justin’s a nice kid,” she said.

I bit my lower lip. Calm down, Maggie. No matter how fucked up this situation was, she’s still your grandmother. You should still respect her.

“We’re going to Ilocos to visit. Why don’t you join us?”

I fisted my hands. “I’ll look at my sched first, Abuela.”

She nodded, and smiled. I thought she’d leave, but she halted, and stood in front of me. The look on her face was frightening. She really didn’t need to say a word for my knees to get weak.

“I appreciate you doing this for the family, Margarette,” she began. My throat dried up. She knew… but she didn’t care.

My lips parted. Gusto kong magsalita… o kahit magtanong man lang. Kasi bakit kailangan? Our family already has more than enough, bakit ba kailangan pa? Bakit hindi marunong makuntento?

“Do you really want me to be with someone like him, Abuela?” I asked.

She didn’t reply immediately. Naka-tingin lang siya sa akin. I didn’t know what was going on in her mind. And I didn’t really wanted to know. I was scared of what’s more she wanted me to do. Against my will.

“We all do things we don’t like, Margarette.”

“But he’s a Ramirez!” I shouted, unable to contain my emotions. “For God’s sake, his brother’s a rapist!”

“Acquitted,” she corrected. “The case was dismissed.”

My jaw clenched. Why was I even bothering?! She wouldn’t listen! What’s important for her was this freaking election! I was nothing but a pawn in this game! Addie was right—I was a freaking sacrificial lamb!

I started to storm out because I really knew that I was so close to losing my shit. And I didn’t want to do that to her. She’s still family! But she’s making it so hard for me! Even my own parents wouldn’t do this to me!

“Margarette.”

Napa-hinto ako.

Damn.

“Family first. Always.”

---

“Ma’am…”

I giggled. “What?”

“Awat na, Ma’am,” Kellan said, snatching the flute from my hand.

“Hey!” I protested. “I’m not yet done with that!” I shouted, and tried to get my drink from his hand, but he was too strong!

I glared at him. “Give that back.”

He shook his head. “Lasing ka na, Ma’am.”

“I am not.”

He sighed, then turned to Nico who was looking at me with such pity in his eyes. I hated that. I hated that because it was true. I was pitiful. I was pitiful because my own problem was my own family. This was the very reason why I wanted to laugh every time people would tell me how lucky I am to be a part of this family. Did they really think that it was all rainbows and unicorns? Because it’s not. It’s full of pressure. And eyes looking at your every movement. Kasi hindi ka pwedeng magkamali. Because in this family—at least in the clan, there’s no room but for perfection.

“Okay,” I said. “I’ll stop drinking na…”

Both Nico and Kellan sighed in relief.

“But… bring me to Jasper,” I pleaded. I was going out of my mind, and the only thing that I wanted right now was to see Jasper. I needed to see him. I needed to feel him. Because honestly? He’s the only reason why I was still trying. Kahit ang hirap-hirap na.

I thought I would have to fight them on this, but they surprisingly obliged. They gave me bottled water so I could sober up. Diretso lang akong naglakad palabas. The hell I’d care if isipin nila na bastos ako for not even saying goodbye. That was the last thing on my mind.

The drive was quiet. I was nervous. I didn’t know what to say to Jasper. I didn’t know what I’d tell him because I knew that he’d ask. Of course he’d ask. I knew he didn’t want me in danger, but what could I do if my own blood was the one who wanted me hanging around danger?

“Okay na po ba kayo, Ma’am?” Kellan asked after he pulled over.

I nodded. “Can I just go inside? Or nandyan ba ’yung asawa ni Evan?”

Hindi sila naka-sagot dalawa. I just went out and quietly walked towards the gate. I was about to press the doorbell, but I stopped when I saw Jasper talking to someone. I didn’t know what got inside me, but I couldn’t just stop myself from staring.

I watched them talk.

And for some reason, it hurt.

It hurt how Jasper stared at her. It hurt how he talked with her. Everything just hurt. I just wanted him all to myself. The thought of him with someone else didn’t sit well with me. It wrecked my mind.

“Ma’am?” tanong ni Kellan nang kalabitin ako. I stood there for what felt like an eternity, watching Jasper talk to someone else.

“Who’s that?” I asked.

Napa-tingin si Kellan. His lips parted. I knew something was wrong.

“Bakit po?” he replied, evading my question. I knew I wouldn’t get any proper answer from him. His loyalty is with Jasper. I knew that. And I respected that.

So, instead of continuing to keep myself on the dark, I pressed the doorbell, and watched as the two of them turned at my direction.

Chapter 36

#COMM

Chapter 36

Jasper’s face was unreadable. I didn’t know what he was thinking as he was staring at me… All I knew was that I couldn’t avert my gaze from the woman who was beside him.

Helene.

She must be Helene.

“Stop,” I said when Jasper tried to walk towards me. I could see his face grimacing from the pain. Nakaramdam na naman ako ng galit para kay Justin! Ang kapal talaga ng mukha niyang saktan si Jasper! Nananahimik kaming dalawa! Hindi pa ba siya masaya sa lahat ng gulo na meron ang pamilya niya? Did he really have to involve us?!

I walked towards Jasper, and held his face. I didn’t know if I was just… jealous, but from where I was standing, I could see Helene watching us like a hawk.

And the pained expression on her face couldn’t be missed.

“Is the party done?” Jasper asked.

I shook my head, still caressing his face. I could feel myself relaxing as I stood before him. I just needed to know that he’s fine. That’s all that mattered to me right now. I couldn’t be bothered to think about anything else.

I turned my face towards the woman. As much as I didn’t appreciate her presence, I was raised to be respectful.

“Hi,” I began. “I’m Maggie.”

Pilit siyang ngumiti. “I know.”

Bahagyang umangat ang kilay ko. Kilala niya ako? Tumingin ako kay Jasper para magtanong, but it seemed like he didn’t approve of the idea of me talking to this woman. Tama ba ako? Ito ba si Helene na palagi nilang pinag-uusapan ni Evan dati?

Ano bang meron sa kanya? Should I be worried?

“You are?” I asked, unable to reign in the curiosity.

“Helene.”

Bingo.

I was about to ask her, but Jasper was quick to guide me inside. I could see him grimacing with every step that he took, but it seemed like mas gusto niyang masaktan kaysa mag-usap pa kami ni Helene. He’s seriously making me more worried! Sino ba iyong babae na ’yun? If she’s not a threat, why go through all the trouble para pigilan kaming mag-usap?

“Who was that?” agad na tanong ko.

“Helene.”

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Was he serious? Ganito talaga siya sasagot? Good thing he sensed that I wasn’t a bit amused with his answer. Jasper sighed.

“She’s… my ex.”

My lips parted. “Please don’t tell me she’s living here, too.”

But Jasper didn’t need to answer. Bakit siya dito nagpahatid if alam niya na dito rin nakatira si Helene? I mean, I get it na nandito siya kasi mas safe siya since dito si Evan naka-tira. But still! I didn’t like this nasty feeling inside me! I didn’t like sharing!

“Listen—”

“No, you listen!” I cut him off. I didn’t know if it was the alcohol speaking, but I just felt so frustrated with everything happening! I felt like my world’s spinning out of control. And it scared me. It scared me so much feeling that everyone’s trying to control my life…

And I just have to sit here and watch them try.

It’s suffocating…

“You want me to stay away from that devil spawn, tapos you’re here shacking up with someone else?!” I shouted, pointing my finger at his face. He was looking at me, his lips parted… like he was surprised with what I was doing.

Did he forget already?

I’m Siobhan Margarette.

I’m spoiled.

I don’t share.

“I’m not shacking up,” he calmly said. I hated how he’s always calm! It made me feel like it’s all in my head. But I knew it’s not just in my head. There’s something about that girl. Alam ko na siya iyong reason why Jasper tried to fight his feelings for me for so long.

And it scared me.

It scared me to even imagine just how much control she’s got over him… Kasi kilala ko si Jasper. He’s not someone you can just control… It’s scaring me knowing that whatever she has on him… it’s strong enough for her to take him away from me.

“Are you still in love with her?”

Jasper’s lips parted. His eyes showed anger—like he was mad that I even had the audacity to ask him about his feelings. But I needed to know… I needed to know because I was about to wage war with my family for him. I needed to know if we’re in this together…

“No.”

“I don’t want lies.”

“I never told you lies.”

“Omitted truths, then, huh, First Lieutenant?”

I saw his chest rise up and down as he controlled himself before me.

“Siobhan—”

“Who is she? Your ex? But why did it seem like there’s more that you’re not telling me, Jasper? I don’t want secrets. I don’t want lies. I want the truth.”

He nodded. “Okay. The truth.”

Jasper and I sat down on the couch. I sat beside him, but I dared myself not to look at his face. I knew that I’d lose this fight the moment that I’d see his face. I would feel the rage inside me again.

I hated how he just let that bastard beat him to a pulp! He’s Jasper! I knew he could defend himself!

But he’s also Jasper… someone who’d willingly sacrifice himself… He’s stupid like that. And it made me worry… Kasi what if he sacrificed himself again? What if it’s for me? Hindi ko kakayanin. I’d probably be in jail, too, because I swear to God, isusunod ko si Justin sa mga ninuno niya!

“Helene’s my ex,” he began.

My eyes flew to a frame that was resting on the piano. It was a picture of Helene… She looked so happy in the picture. It was far from the Helene that I saw a while ago.

“After my graduation from PMA, I was requested to be a member of the team of the Canadian Prime Minister’s daughter.”

My chest began to tighten. It was as if the puzzle pieces were starting to fit together…

’ It’s basically like this. Upon Jasper’s graduation from Military, everyone expected him to climb up fast because he’s the top of his class. And also because he’s the son of Admiral Ybañez of the Navy,’ Addie explained. ‘During one of the world summit, Jasper was picked to guard the daughter of the PM of Canada. Not sure what happened, but the girl kinda moved here… And since she’s the daughter of the PM, Jasper was forced to be a guard, when he could be the captain of his own battalion.’

‘She… moved here for Jasper?’ hindi makapaniwala na sabi ko.

‘Yeah. Met her once and she seemed a bit obsessive,’ Addie commented. ‘Anyway, she was living here for a year when the incident happened.’

“Why were you requested?”

He just shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Weren’t you even curious?”

“I’m a soldier, Siobhan. I’m trained to follow orders, not question them.”

My heart began to ache, but I chose to hide it from him… Trained to follow orders… What if they ordered him to abandon me? Would he do it? Because that’s what he’s trained to do?

“Can I continue the story?” he asked. I merely nodded my head. I didn’t look at him. I feared that he’d see the fear in my eyes. “I just did my job. I protected her… but she was a brat.”

“Like me?”

Agad siyang umiling. “No. You’re not like her.”

“You always told me that I’m a brat.”

I felt Jasper’s hand on my chin, forcing me to look at him. My heart swelled with anger yet again when I saw his bruised face. Biglang gusto kong gawing punching bag si Justin! How dare him hurt Jasper!

“You’re not a brat. You’re just…” he said, but after a few seconds, ’di pa rin siya nagsalita.

“What? Can’t think of a nice word to describe me?”

The side of his lips rose—just for a second. There’s a cut on the side of his lips. I knew I was already being too much by forcing him to speak. It looked like it hurt every time he opened his mouth… but of course he’s Jasper… He wouldn’t tell me if it hurts… He’d always put on a brave face.

“You’re unapologetically you. You’re Siobhan Margarette Gomez de Liaño,” he said, staring intently into my eyes. “You’re nothing like her.”

I rolled my eyes, trying to hide my kilig.

“Whatever, Jasper.”

He laughed. A little. At least the mood wasn’t as heavy as before… but I still felt scared. Not for myself, but for him… I knew Jasper wasn’t the kind of person who would run from a fight. And it’s one of the things that I admire about him… But paano naman if si Justin ang kalaban niya? That guy didn’t play fair.

“Continue your story na.”

He pinched my nose. “There’s my conyo girl.”

I pouted. “Bilis na. Continue your story.”

“I did my job. I protected her. But… she grew obsessed with me,” he said. I remained silent. I hated the girl… she’s the reason why Jasper wouldn’t eat when he’s in duty! But still… a little part of me understood. Kasi I’m in the same shoes. I’m… obsessed. It’s so easy to get obsessed with Jasper. There’s just something about him that’s so mysterious… Something that would entice you and allure you…

Until you wouldn’t know.

Hulog ka na pala.

“She told Helene that we’re together—”

“And were you?”

He shook his head. “No. I had a girlfriend at that time. And I don’t mess with work.”

I arched my brow. “But you messed with me.”

A soft smile appeared in my Jasper’s face. “That’s because you’re Siobhan Margarette. My rules don’t apply when it comes to you.”

I rolled my eyes again. Kainis how it’s so easy for him to make me feel all kinds of kilig. But I was thankful, too. Feeling ko I grew a decade because of that fucking annoying Justin!

I just wanted a fairytale kind of story! I just want Jasper to sweep me off of my feet! But with Justin’s addition, I felt like my story because thriller na!

“Sige na. Continue your story,” I said.

I pressed my lips together when I felt that Jasper held my hand. He was holding it, and making patterns. Nakiliti ako, but I liked what he’s doing, so I kept my mouth shut.

“She kept on asking me to break up with Helene. She even asked me to go to Canada with her,” he said. That crazy girl! “I kept on telling her to stop, but she wouldn’t give it up. One day, she grew tired… She drugged me.”

I felt like my heart’s in my throat. I had always wondered why Jasper wouldn’t eat while he’s in duty…

“When she didn’t succeed in breaking Helene and me up, she drugged me and took… suggestive photos,” he said. My chest rose and fell. Ano’ng suggestive photos?! Did she strip Jasper naked?! Did she?! “Then, she sneaked out to meet with Helene. She got my phone and texted for them to meet.”

I stared at him, waiting for the continuation of the story, but when I looked at his face, I felt guilty for forcing him… He looked like he’s pained…

“Jasper…” I called his name. If… if it’s hard for him, I didn’t want him to continue. I felt selfish for forcing him like this… His past wasn’t important… What’s important to me was that he’s with me… That we’re here together…

“They were in the car together when she showed Helene the photos… They fought. The car crashed. She died… and Helene can’t walk anymore.”

My eyes widened.

“Until now, she’s convinced that I cheated on her and that if I didn’t do that, she wouldn’t get in an accident. She used to be a ballet dancer, you know? Now, she can’t dance. Because of me.”

My hand reached for his face. “Jasper…” I softly called his name. “It’s not your fault. You know that, right?”

“It’s my fault. I let her drug me and take my phone. I take responsibility for what happened.”

I pressed my lips. Bakit ba kasi inaako niya lahat ng kasalanan? It was that crazy girl’s fault! And what’s happening right now’s Justin’s fault!

“Do you feel responsible? For her?”

He looked at me, and answered without taking a beat. “Yes.”

“How about me?” I asked.

“Siobhan,” he called my name.

I didn’t know what was going to happen. I was afraid of staying here for another day. Justin’s threats… they scared me. I knew that my family would protect me, but how about Jasper? Who would protect him? Who would protect this stupid guy from getting hurt?

“What if… What if I ask you to run with me, Jasper? Can you do that? Can you leave her for me?”

Chapter 37

#COMM

Chapter 37

Jasper didn’t say a word. I fought so hard to maintain the expression on my face. I was afraid that he’d ask me why I was asking him to run with me… Would I tell him about Justin’s threats? But I was afraid of what he’d do…

I didn’t want him to play hero.

Because all heroes die.

“Maggie,” Dad called. I followed him to his study. “Last night, I saw you with that Ramirez kid.”

I took a deep breath. “Yes…”

“What did he say to you?”

I looked at him. I knew I already told him about the situation, but a part of me was scared… What if sabihin niya kila Abuela? What if sa kanya naman magalit? We all knew what would happen if they get mad… I didn’t want Dad to be at the receiving end of it.

“Nothing about me,” I simply stated. I knew Justin. He wouldn’t dare hurt me… at least not physically. As much as he loved to play with me, he wouldn’t dare touch me. I knew that kahit gusto akong gamitin nila Abuela to get the Ramirez in their side, once something bad happens to me, it’s game over for the Ramirez.

But that just heightened my anxiety.

Si Jasper.

He’s the target, not me.

“Then what was the talk about?” Dad pressed.

I sat down. “Can I have a drink?” I asked when I saw the bottle of whiskey sitting on his table. I never liked drinking whiskey… It’s too strong for me… but the situation I was in seemed like it was begging me to become alcoholic. I just wanted to drown my sorrow away.

Dad poured us a drink. We sat in silence as we downed our drinks. Once done, he just looked at me, like he’s waiting for my answer.

“Justin… he threatened Jasper.”

Dad’s forehead creased. “Jasper?”

I nodded, biting my lower lip. I wasn’t sure if Dad knew him… He’s not always around. Mas madalas na he’s abroad for work… But I knew that he’d like Jasper. At least, he’d like him for me. Jasper takes good care of me.

“Jasper Alexander Ybañez,” I said.

Dad didn’t say a word, his forehead just remained creased. I sighed. Buti na lang. I thought Abuela already ruined this moment for me! Alam ko na she knew about me and Jasper… and I thought she would blabber about us…

“He’s… he’s my bodyguard.”

His brow arched. “Is that so?”

I nodded. “And I really like him, Dad…”

He didn’t reply immediately. Dad poured himself another glass of whiskey as I sat there and told him about Jasper. I wanted him to know that Jasper’s a good guy… The only reason why he got involved lang naman was because he tried to protect me from that perv!

“You really like him,” he said.

“What?”

“Your eyes. They sparkle while you were talking about him.”

I frowned. “Really, Dad? My eyes sparkled? E, I was talking about how Justin beat him to pulp!”

“Yeah, that…” he said, and took another sip. “You said you talked to Maven about that?”

I nodded. “Yeah… He assured me naman that if worse comes to worst, he’d help me…” I answered. I trust him naman. I trust all of my cousins. Kami lang kasi nagkaka-sundo. I didn’t know if it’s generation gap, but seriously, the adults in the family? Sila iyong nagdadala ng problem palagi! Good thing my parents were the least problematic!

“That’s good to hear.”

“But, Dad…” I trailed. “I’m scared. When Justin told me about Jasper… I felt like he wasn’t bluffing. And what if he wasn’t bluffing?”

I sat there as I wait for Dad to say something. I was just scared. I was scared of what’s about to happen. Okay lang if it’s just me… but I wouldn’t be able to deal with it if other person would get involved. Most especially if it’s Jasper.

“I’ll see what I can do, okay? Stop worrying. From what you told me, Jasper seems like a responsible guy. I’m sure he knows what he’s doing.”

“But—”

“I’ll deal with this. Trust your Dad.”

And that was the end of the discussion.

---

The next few days, Justin didn’t bother me. But instead of feeling relieved, I just got more worried… Kasi what if that devil’s planning something big kaya ganyan na tahimik siya? I knew I should be prepared! It felt like I was gunning for a war!

“San tayo ngayon, Ma’am?” Kellan asked, following me as I got out of the house. Still, wala pa rin si Jasper sa bahay. I wanted him back as soon as possible, but when his face’s all fixed up. Mom still didn’t know about us… I didn’t know how to tell her. She’s scared of Abuela. I just didn’t want to stir more trouble than I already did. Besides, Dad promised naman that he’d take care of this.

“Gym,” I replied.

“May gym naman kayo dito, Ma’am,” Kellan said.

“I enrolled sa Muay Thai,” I said.

“Bakit, Ma’am?”

“I just want to be able to defend myself.”

The smile on Nico’s face fell down. I suddenly felt guilty for being too reckless with my mouth. I knew naman na until now, he’s blaming himself for what happened to Jasper… but it wasn’t his fault. It’s all that stupid Justin’s fault. We all should blame him. That evil family.

“Sorry, Ma’am…” malungkot na sabi ni Nico. “Sabi ko naman kay Sir na ’wag na saluhin ’yung sa akin dapat…”

My chest began to tighten.

“Hey…” I said, tousling his hair. I see Nico as my younger brother. I hated seeing him like this. I hated seeing him blame himself. “It’s not your fault.”

Nagbaba pa rin siya ng tingin. “Kung namali lang ng palo, Ma’am, baka ’di na nagising si Sir…”

My heart ached again. I began to remember the moment that I saw Jasper lying on the hospital bed. That’s the first time in my life that I felt the urge to kill someone. Justin was a monster for doing that to Jasper. Sino ba ang matinong tao na gagawa ng ganon? Just for pleasure? He’s so bored that he’s willing to waste time messing with someone’s life!

I put down my gym bag.

“Nico,” I seriously said. “Don’t blame yourself, okay? I’m sure if you were in Jasper’s situation, you’d do the same for him… ’Di ba?”

He looked at me, and nodded. His eyes still looked sad. I badly wanted to wipe that sadness from his eyes.

“So, stop worrying. No one’s blaming you. No one’s mad at you,” I told him. He nodded, but I could still see slight sadness in his eyes.

---

When we arrived at the gym, I let Kellan and Nico do their job with checking the perimeter. Evan’s beside me. He’s quieter than usual. I wanted to ask him about Jasper… was the reason why he kept on telling me that I’d never get Jasper was because Jasper felt responsible over someone else?

I wanted to ask him that… but it felt wrong.

And selfish.

“Jasper will return in three days,” he said, breaking the silence.

I looked at him. “He’s okay na?”

“His face looked fine,” he simply replied.

I pursed my lips. “Do you think… it’s safe for him to return?”

Evan shook his head. “There’s no place safe, Ma’am. Every day is a risk you take.”

I sighed. This was far too complicated than what I bargained for.

When the instructor came, he looked intimidated by the Protection Squad. Mas malaki pa kasi iyong katawan nila Nico kaysa sa kanya. I blame Jasper for that. Up until now, iyong braso nila? Still big from all the push-ups Jasper made them do when I was still in Europe! Buti na lang talaga I got Nico new shirts kasi wala na siyang masuot.

I carefully listened to the instructor as he began to taught me. Napapailing iyong mga guys habang nanonood sila sa amin. When I took a break, I asked them, “Is there a problem?”

“Wala naman, Ma’am…” Kellan said.

I arched a brow, and looked at Nico. He’s the easiest to break. “Ma’am, mas madali kasi kapag ganito,” he said, and began to show me moves I could use to quickly disengage an attacker.

“You know naman pala. E ’di sana sa house na lang tayo nagganito?”

Agad na umiling si Nico at Kellan—their faces were covered in horror. “Ayaw, Ma’am! Baka saktan na kami ng tuluyan ni Sir Jasper kapag kami nagturo sa ’yo.”

“At bakit naman?”

“Syempre, Ma’am, magdidikit tayo,” Kellan said. “Halos patayin na nga ako ni Sir nung nahalikan mo ako!”

My eyes widened. “Ako pa? Ako pa nanghalik sa ’yo?!”

Kellan nodded. “Opo, Ma’am. No offense naman… Maganda ka at saka sexy, pero ’di kita type, Ma’am. Ayoko sa mas matanda sa akin.”

My face was probably red from what Kellan was saying. Ano’ng mas matanda?! Ang kapal ng face niya! Mas mukha pa nga akong bata sa kanya! I was about to give him the lecture of his life when I heard Evan chuckling. My head turned to him, my eyes wide… Seriously? This guy knew how to have fun? Surprise, surprise!

But as soon as he saw me looking at him, he erased all trace of emotion from his face. Balik robot na naman si Evan.

“Ma’am, start na daw ulit kayo,” Kellan said, trying to evade my anger. I eyed him, and told him na hindi pa ako tapos sa kanya. How dare him insinuate na I’m older!

After the session, we all went home. I still felt energetic from everything. And I looked forward to Jasper’s return… Iniisip ko na nga rin if I’d tell Mom about him… I mean, hindi na ako makaka-labas masyado… Ayoko kasi i-risk na lumabas… What if baliw na talaga si Justin? Mamaya ipa-baril nila kami habang nasa labas kami…

I wanted to stay inside the house. At least here, we’re safe…

The day before Jasper’s about to come home, I decided to tell Mom about us. I didn’t want to hide anymore. Besides, tahimik pa naman… I didn’t know what’s up with Justin. I wanted him out of my mind kahit sandali. Feel ko kasi mababaliw na ako kakaisip sa kanya. I kept on imagining torturing him and feeding him to the sharks.

I was collecting myself, trying different ways to tell Mom about Jasper and me. Ilang minutes din ako nagprepare in front of the mirror… I wanted to be able to properly explain everything… Na I tried naman na iwasan si Jasper… But what could I do?

First Lieutenant makes me weak.

Pagbaba ko, my forehead automatically creased when I saw Abuelo… with fucking Justin! Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang makita ko sina Kellan, Nico, at Evan sa harap niya.

I froze.

“Do you follow?” Abuelo asked.

“Sir, yes, Sir!” the three of them responded. They all stood in front of him, looking at him like he’s their boss… Shit. He’s their boss! He’s literally the Chief Commander!

“You may now go, soldiers,” Abuelo asked.

My heart was beating wildly inside my chest. I couldn’t understand what was happening. Gusto kong bumaba… gusto kong magtanong… pero hindi ko magawa…

Justin seemed to have felt my presence. The side of his lips rose. Tumayo siya. He walked towards me… every step dripping with sneer… like he’s telling me that he won…

“Long time, no see,” he said when he stopped in front of me.

“What did you do?” I gritted my teeth.

“You just said that I shouldn’t mess with that boyfriend of yours, right?” he asked, then tucked a portion of my hair behind my ears. “But you didn’t say that I couldn’t have my fun with your other little friends.”

My breathing deepened.

“What did you do?” I asked, glaring at him.

“You know, there’s always a war going on somewhere in the country… They always need soldiers…” he said, smiling at me. “We’ll see if your little friends are good enough to survive that war.”

Chapter 38

#COMM

Chapter 38

“Siobhan.”

My eyes darted to my grandfather who was looking at me like I was the biggest disappointment in the family. I knew that if he had his way, puro lalaki ang gusto niyang maging apo. What’s the use of having a girl, anyway? We’re just good when we’re married off to some powerful family. Iyon lang naman ang tingin niya sa amin.

I could feel my entire body shaking in anger as I welcomed his stare. Justin stood beside me, amused with the situation he created. Why wouldn’t he just disappear from my life?! Why did he enjoy making me suffer so much? May nagawa ba ako sa kanya?!

Hindi ako makapagsalita. I knew that the moment I let myself talk, I’d quickly regret every word that would come out of my mouth. I fisted my hands, and looked at him… I wanted to beg… If he’s still family… If he still sees me as family…

“Abuelo…” I begged, my voice laced with cry for help.

“Beg harder,” Justin whispered in my ear.

I closed my eyes, and breathed deeper. I needed to calm down. I needed to find a way to turn this situation around. I couldn’t let those guys go to war! Not at my expense! I wouldn’t know how I’d be able to live with myself if something happens to them! Dahil sa akin! Dahil kay Justin!

“Abuelo…” I repeated. I looked at him. Kung apo ba talaga niya ako… he wouldn’t put me in this situation. He wouldn’t let my conscience kill me because if something happens to any of them… I’d die. I’d seriously die. “Por favor no.”

His forehead creased. “Por qué? Eres amigo de esos soldados?” he asked. I looked at him. Was it important if I were friends with those soldiers? Hindi ba sila tao? Bakit ba ang dali lang para sa iba na itapon ang buhay ng ibang tao?

What’s human without humanity?

“Sí. No quiero que mueran.”

I could see the disapproval in his eyes. “Por qué debería estar de acuerdo con esto?”

Huminga muli ako nang malalim. I knew this would happen… Hindi siya papayag na wala siyang makuha sa paghiling ko na ’wag dalhin sina Evan sa kung saan man sila balak dalhin. Was this Justin’s plan all along? To fucking scare me into giving in? Because it’s working! I’d rather be scared to death than to send them to a war!

“Cualquier cosa,” I replied. I’d do anything… Just to stop this madness. I wouldn’t be able to live with the guilt. May pamilya sila. May mga nagmamahal sa kanila. I wouldn’t be able to carry the guilt if ever something happens to them.

Abuelo nodded. “All right,” he said, then looked at Justin who seemed lost. Abuelo didn’t say a thing, but he just tapped Justin’s shoulder… as if this was the plan all along. Na iparinig sa akin iyong mga mangyayari. To torture me into giving in.

Halos mapa-hawak ako sa railings nang magsimulang maglakad paalis si Abuelo. Napa-hawak ako sa dibdib ko. I couldn’t breathe. I could feel my body shaking with fear. Shit.

“So disrespectful,” Justin said. “You know I can’t understand Spanish.”

I looked at him. I could feel tears welling in my eyes. I hated him so much! Bakit ba siya nabuhay?! Bakit ba siya napunta sa buhay ko?! Why did he enjoy torturing me so much?! Bakit ba dinadamay niya sila Evan na wala namang kasalanan sa kanya?!

“What do you want?” I asked him. Mabilis kong pinunasan ang luha ko. I didn’t want to cry in front of him. I didn’t want him to see me breaking. But I was so angry that I couldn’t control myself anymore!

“Hmm…” He looked at me. He held my chin, and looked at my face. “First, I want you to dump that boyfriend of yours.”

“No.”

Umiling siya. “No, that’s not the answer I want to hear.”

“Justin, please…” nagmamakaawang sabi ko sa kanya. What did he want from me?! “Don’t do this.”

“Where’s the fierce Siobhan Margarette, huh? Are you really crying? For that boy?”

I could feel the tears flowing from my eyes. I have never felt so low in my life. I have never begged for anything in my life… but I was willing to beg now. I didn’t want to leave Jasper. He makes me so happy. He makes me a better person…

“I love him.”

“Not good enough.”

“Justin… why are you doing this?”

He shrugged. “Who knows? I just hate your boyfriend’s guts. Akala mo kung sinong matapang. Tignan natin kung hanggang saan siya.” He wiped the tears with his thumb. “I’ll give you 72 hours—that’s also the date of departure of your little friends. I want you to break up with that guy, and make it painful. I want it recorded, you know? Just for remembrance,” he said before he began to walk away.

As soon as Justin walked away, I quickly looked for Dad. He promised me that he’d help me!

“Where’s Dad?” I asked Austin.

“I don’t know,” he replied. I walked past him, but he followed me. “Is there a problem?”

Hindi ako sumagot. What if sila naman ang guluhin ni Justin? I couldn’t do that to any of my brothers. I couldn’t even do that to any of my cousins! Parang ngayon ko lang naiintindihan kung gaano ka-seryoso ang mga nangyayari… Kung gaano ka-seryoso si Justin para guluhin ang buhay ko.

I didn’t know the extent of the power of the Ramirez… but if my grandfather bowed down just to get their approval, then that’s enough for me to get scared.

“Maggie,” Austin called when he didn’t hear any reply from me.

I looked at him. I could see the worry in his eyes. I couldn’t even recognize myself. I looked so defeated. I hated everything that’s happening. I just wanted to run away from here… pero paano iyong mga maiiwan ko? I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t be that selfish.

“I’m fine,” I said through fake smiles.

“What’s your problem?”

Umiling ako. “I’m really fine.”

“You don’t look fine. Is there anything I can do to help?”

I shook my head. “Nothing. I’ll manage,” I said, smiling as I quickly turned before the tears began to fall again. I didn’t want to drag them into this mess.

I couldn’t sleep the entire night. I tried calling my father again and again, but I couldn’t connect to his phone. I also tried calling his secretary, but she just said that Dad’s in a meeting. I asked if it’s with Abuelo, but she wouldn’t say.

Wala na ba akong kakampi?

Dull Boy

calling…

Huminga ako nang malalim. I wanted to hear his voice… but I was afraid that my voice would betray me. Paano ko sasabihin sa kanya? I knew Jasper. He wouldn’t agree. Pero paano ako? Paano kapag pinadala sila doon? How would I go on knowing that I put their lives in danger?

Dull Boy: Please answer.

Lihim akong napa-ngiti. Even in text, he’s still so dull.

Me: Why?

Dull Boy: I want to hear your voice. I’ll call again.

Huminga ako nang malalim. I couldn’t let him hear the worry in my voice. Kailangan kong humanap ng solusyon sa problema ko. Knowing Jasper? He’d probably go with Evan. Sigurado ako. He’s not the kind of person who would abandon his people.

And knowing Justin? He’d probably send someone to shoot Jasper.

Mababaliw na talaga ako.

Quickly, I fixed myself. I tied my hair and wore a baseball cap. I also wore a jacket before I walked towards the back part of the house. Living with my siblings, I learned a lot of tricks. Our parents are strict with security, so we learned to bend the rules a little lalo na kapag may mga panahon na hindi kami pinapayagang umalis without at least 4 guards tailing us.

Sumuot ako sa sa maliit na butas hanggang sa makarating ako sa labas ng bahay. I walked quickly until I reached another place for me to go out of the subdivision. From there, I took a cab papunta sa parking space kung saan naka-park iyong sasakyan na ginagamit kapag gusto naming umalis mag-isa. It’s shared by all of the GDL-de Marco cousins. Naka-hinga ako nang maluwag nang makita ko na nandun iyong sasakyan.

I got the key that’s hidden, and drove myself to Evan’s place.

‘Go out,’ I sent to Jasper. A few seconds later, I saw the gate opening. Jasper was wearing cargo shorts and white shirt. Agad akong napa-ngiti. How dare Justin want to hurt this human being? He’s tough on the outside, but Jasper’s one of the most caring people I knew… The fact that he volunteered to get beaten in behalf of Nico? That’s proof enough that I needed to protect Jasper myself because if no one would? He’d sacrifice himself. I was sure of that.

“Hey,” I said when I rolled the window down.

Agad na naglakad papunta sa akin si Jasper. I like it when he’s walking towards me. The way his eyes were on me? As if I’m the only one he could see.

Kumunot ang noo niya. Instead of looking at me, doon siya naka-focus na wala akong kasama sa sasakyan. And then, he looked behind me. No cars tailing me.

“Did you come here alone?” he asked, his voice pissed.

I nodded. “Yeah… You said you want to hear my voice, right?”

Mas lalong kumunot ang noo ni First Lieutenant. “Siobhan—”

“Just hop in,” I said. Hindi siya gumalaw, obviously annoyed by my decision to come here alone. I knew I was reckless, but I just wanted to see him. Iyong kaming dalawa lang. Without anyone following us or watching us. I think we deserve this… after everything that happened.

“Come on…” I continued. “If you won’t get in, I’ll just drive back. Sayang naman effort ko magdrive alone.”

“Move over,” Jasper said.

“I’ll drive.”

He didn’t say a word; instead, his stares did the talking. Nang tignan ko si Jasper, bigla na lang akong napa-lipat sa shotgun. Nakaka-takot pala talaga si Jasper! Ngayon ko lang naiintindihan sila Kellan why takot sila kay Jasper. Dati kasi, natatawa lang ako kung gaano sila katakot kay Jasper… I was just realizing that Jasper’s indeed scary when he wanted to be scary.

“Hey… Galit ka?” I asked when he remained silent. “Jasper…” I said, poking his arm. Hindi pa rin ako pinansin. I wrapped my arms around his arm, and smiled at him. “Are you mad at me?”

Ang sungit ni First Lieutenant. Kailangan kong maging extra-cute.

I planted kisses on his cheeks, but he still wouldn’t budge.

“Stop being mad na…” I said, planting another kiss. “You said you wanted to hear my voice, so I’m here na.”

Finally, after annoying him for minutes, tumingin na siya sa akin.

“When will you realize that your safety is of paramount importance?” he asked, his voice very serious that for a second, I kinda regretted my decision of going here.

“I understand—”

“You don’t.”

I pursed my lips. Huminga ako nang malalim. I didn’t want to fight with Jasper. I still didn’t know what would happen… but what if Justin had his way? What if he managed to really get to dump Jasper?

I didn’t want to spend the next three days fighting with him.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I won’t do it again.”

Tumingin siya sa akin. Jasper looked surprised. He knew me. I wasn’t the kind of person who’d apologize this easily… but I didn’t want to fight. I didn’t want to waste time.

“Is there are problem?” he asked.

Was I really that easy to read? Ang daling malaman ng mga tao sa paligid ko na may problema ako… But as much as I wanted to ask for help, I felt like I was the only one who could solve this problem.

“Nothing, no,” I said. “Can I ask for something and you promise that you’ll say yes without asking why?”

Agad na kumunot ang noo niya. “What?”

“Promise mo muna hindi ka eepal.”

Mas kumunot ang noo niya. “Epal ako?”

I frowned. “Ang dami kong sinabi, iyon napansin mo?”

“What is it?” he repeated.

“Promise mo muna.”

He sighed. He knew he wouldn’t win with me. Masungit siya, pero mas makulit ako.

“Fine,” he said. I arched my brow. “Promise,” he continued.

I grinned, having won. “We have a house in Tagaytay. I want to go there.”

“Now?”

I nodded. “Yes,” I said. I didn’t bring anything with me. Bahala na. I just wanted to be with Jasper. I wanted to be selfish… kahit ngayon lang… because I didn’t know what would happen in three days.

“Why?”

I smiled. “You promised you’d say yes without asking why. You promised, Jasper,” I said, and then he started the engine—but not without going back to the house first to get his gun. That security freak.

“What’s that?” I asked when he threw a duffel bag at the back.

“Clothes. I don’t know for how long you’re planning to stay.”

“Kaninong clothes?”

“Mine.”

“Paano ako? Can I wear your clothes?” I asked, feeling kilig with the thought of me wearing First Lieutenant’s clothes. I wanted to do that for so long, pero hindi ko magawa kasi we’re always around a lot of people.

Nakaka-lungkot… nagsisimula pa lang kami ni Jasper, pero ganito na iyong nangyari. Ang dami ko pang gustong gawin kasama siya. I wanted to hold his hands in public. I wanted to post pictures of us together. I wanted to make my status in facebook in a relationship.

This was so unfair.

“Fine,” he said.

I grinned. “Thanks! You’re the best!” I said, kissing his cheek while he’s driving.

We quickly arrived in Tagaytay. Thankfully, wala doon iyong caretakers. I didn’t want them reporting to my parents na nandoon ako. I just sent a quick text to Cohen saying na I’m on a vacation. For three days, I wanted to disappear.

“I think there’s a market near here, so we can buy food,” I said when we finally got inside. The house looks neat since someone’s maintaining it naman.

“Are you okay?” I asked Jasper since he’s been quiet all the way.

“What’s the problem?” he asked.

“Wala nga.”

“What’s the problem?” he repeated.

I smiled. “Why so suspicious, Jasper? I just want to spend time with you before you go back to work. Is that so bad?” I asked, wrapping my arms around his neck.

“If there’s a problem, I want to know.”

I nodded. “Yes, Sir.”

“I’m serious.”

I nodded. “I’m serious, too,” I said, kissing him on the lips. “So, please, stop that kunot-noo. We’re on a vacation here, First Lieutenant. Learn to relax, will you?”

Jasper merely nodded, but I knew that he knew that something’s up. I wanted to be selfish for just a few days. I didn’t know what the future holds for us… but before the world falls down on us, I wanted to be with him as much as I could.

Chapter 39

#COMM

Chapter 39

Jasper really just brought his clothes. Mabuti na rin because if he brought Helene’s clothes for me? Aawayin ko talaga siya hanggang sa mabingi siya sa ’kin. Jasper’s clothes were big for me. As in they’re huge! Bakit ba surprised pa ako? My boyfriend’s buff… which was my fault din naman kasi ginagalit ko siya lagi.

“Can you buy shorts?” he asked while I was parading around the house, just wearing his white shirt na mukhang maluwag na dress sa akin.

“I’m comfortable.”

“But I’m not,” he replied.

“San ka pupunta?” I asked when he stood up.

“Mall. I’ll buy you clothes,” sabi niya.

I pouted. “Sama ako?”

“Wearing that? No,” he said in a tone that meant that the topic was no longer for debate.

“What? I’m not naked naman!”

His forehead creased. “That,” sabi niya while pointing at me. “Leaves no room for imagination.”

I arched my brow. “Why? Are you imagining me ba?”

Mas lalong kumunot ang noo niya. “Don’t argue with me. I’m doing this for you.”

I rolled my eyes. “I didn’t ask you to do this for me, noh. If you feel bothered, that’s on you. I feel so comfortable kaya.”

His jaw was clenched. I liked pissing him off. Favorite movement ko ni Jasper? When his jaw’s clenching in anger. He’s super sexy when he does that!

“Do you dress like this in front of Kellan and Nico?”

“No!” agad kong sagot. I remembered how Nico and Kellan told me na sila ang pinag-iinitan ni Jasper whenever I’d do something to piss Jasper off… Although… sabihin ko kaya na ganito ako sa harap ni Kellan? Hindi pa rin ako nakaka-move on nung sabihin niya na matanda na ako! That jerk!

“Good,” Jasper said, seemingly pleased with himself na umatras agad ako sa labas. Pasalamat siya I care about Nico! If si Kellan lang din naman, ako pa unang magsusumbong!

Umalis si Jasper. Walking distance lang naman iyong isang mall from here. Mukhang naiinis na talaga si Jasper na naka-shirt lang ako. Kaninang umaga pa kaya niya ako sinusungitan dahil ’dun.

Nang umalis siya, I tried to cook for us na lang. Sanay naman ako magluto, but I wasn’t an expert. We already bought stocks for the next days, so we’re good. I cooked rice and while waiting for it, I began to fry the bacon. I kept on shouting kasi tumatalsik iyong niluluto ko! Buti na lang wala si Jasper dahil sigurado sisimangot na naman iyon tapos sasabihin ang ingay ko. Kahit gusto ko lang naman magluto for him!

I knew Jasper returned kasi isa-isang bumubukas iyong lock—kasama sa mga binili namin iyong additional locks sa pinto. Feeling niya kasi talaga laging in danger iyong buhay ko… Sobrang tempted ko na ngang sabihin na mas in danger pa iyong buhay nila kaysa sa akin…

But I was selfish.

I wanted the next days to be happy.

“I’ll finish that,” he said.

“No, I’m almost done naman na.”

But Jasper being Jasper, inagaw niya iyong sandok from me. I pouted, but I arranged the table na lang since iyon lang ang ipapagawa niya sa akin. Naglagay ako ng plates and nagpour ng coffee for us.

I was watching him cook. I smiled sadly. Paano kapag naghiwalay nga kami after this? Magiging mere memories na lang ba ’to? Lagi ko na lang bang aalalahanin iyong mga ganito?

“Did you meet the guys sa school?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

“Hmm… So super close kayo?”

“They’re my brothers,” he simply replied.

“You’ll do everything for them talaga, no?”

Jasper didn’t reply. I decided not to push the topic further. Hindi tanga si Jasper. I knew that he’d realize that something was definitely wrong with me…

“Can you fry eggs din, please?” I asked when he put the bacons on the plate. “Sunny side up.”

Jasper rolled his eyes. “I’m not your cook.”

“Kasi ako kaya nagluluto kanina. Inagaw mo ’yung—”

“Fine. Stop nagging,” he said tapos kinuha niya na iyong egg. Tss. Arte nito, susunod din naman. Kaya ko naman kaya magluto! Siya ’tong laging princess ang trato sa akin. Did he really forget that I liked abroad for so long? Of course sanay ako magluto!

When Jasper finally finished cooking, naupo na kami. We said thanks before we began to eat. I wanted to ask him, but I was afraid that I’d say the wrong words… I just really wanted to enjoy this day without worrying too much about the near future…

“Do you have your schedule?” he asked.

“What schedule?”

“Your work.”

I sipped my coffee. If… If I dump him, I’d have to let him go, too. Hindi ko kaya na makita siya araw-araw ng hindi kami okay… I didn’t want him to leave my life, but what if it’s the only way for Justin to stop messing with him?

“I don’t know yet,” I simply answered. “Jasper… kung hindi ka sa akin na-assign, sa tingin mo saan ka nagta-trabaho ngayon?”

He looked at me. I quickly smiled at him.

“I’m just curious,” I added.

I wanted to make sure that he’d be fine… Ako? I know I wouldn’t be fine… but that’s the choice that I chose to take. I’d rather suffer alone than to put their lives in danger.

“Why?” he asked.

I shrugged. “Nothing. Kasi ’di ba sabi mo bad shot ka dahil namatay iyong anak ng Prime Minister? I’m just curious kung ano ang work opportunities mo.”

Jasper’s eyes never left me as he sipped his coffee. I love that he’s able to eat around me now… Ang layo na rin pala ng narating namin… It broke my heart to know that this was as far as we’d reach…

Hanggang dito na lang siguro talaga…

Pero masaya ako na nakilala ko siya. No matter how short our time together was, I wouldn’t deny that Jasper made me the happiest…

“I can try corporate,” he said.

I arched my brow. “You? Corporate?”

He eyed me. “What do you take me for?”

“Grabe, offended ka agad?! I was just weirded out. Soldier ka tapos biglang corporate?”

“I studied business administration before I went to PMA, Siobhan Margarette. I’m not stupid.”

“Hoy, I didn’t say that! Napaka-sensitive mo talaga!”

He was still eyeing me. Grabe, I felt bad! Wala naman akong sinabi na ganon! ’Di ko lang talaga ma-imagine si Jasper wearing suit and tie! Mas feel ko talaga when he’s in his soldier uniform!

“Why are you curious?” he asked again.

“Wala nga. Masamang ma-curious sa boyfriend ko?” I asked back, then watched as his ears started to grow red. Tsk. Ang daling kiligin ni First Lieutenant.

Dahil kinilig na siya sa ’kin, tahimik niyang kinuha iyong plates namin. I volunteered to wash the dishes since siya na nga iyong nagluto, but he said na siya na lang. Nakaka-inis. Paano ko siya iiwan niyan? He’s literally everything that I want in a guy!

I wanted to watch him, but I couldn’t stay there without wanting to cry out of frustration. Agad akong umakyat sa kwarto. I tried to rummage through the stuff until I found a bikini. I wore it under the white shirt. Pagbaba ko, nakita ko na tapos na si Jasper maghugas ng plates.

“Let’s swim,” I said.

“It’s cold.”

“So?” I asked. I walked towards the sliding door, removing my shirt as I did so. I made sure that my ass was in his view. “Let’s swim, First Lieutenant,” I said, turning around, seeing my boyfriend’s eyes on my ass. Finally, worth it na lahat ng squats na ginawa ko!

Tss. I swear to God, naka-tingin talaga siya sa akin before nung sa photo shoot ko! Pasabi-sabi pa siya na hindi niya ako type!

I quickly dove in the water. True enough, it’s super cold, but I wanted to swim. I began to swim when I heard splashing. Nagulat na lang ako na nasa harap ko na si Jasper.

“What game are you playing?” he asked. Drops of water were dripping down his forehead. I stared into his eyes, slowly getting lost in there.

“I’m not playing any game…” I said, wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. “I just want to swim,” I whispered in his ears.

Instead of answering, I felt Jasper’s hands wrapping around my waist. My heart started to beat erratically. Shit. Was this really happening?

Carefully, I planted a kiss on Jasper’s neck. I could feel my entire body shaking in anticipation. The sun was shining so brightly above us, pero kung anu-ano ang naiisip ko! But I wanted this…

If… if we’re gonna break up, I wanted this to happen.

I wanted this memory with me.

“I love you,” I whispered in his ear. I felt him froze. “I love you, First Lieutenant Jasper Alexander Ybañez.”

“Siobhan—” he said, but I quickly shut him up by kissing his lips. I didn’t want to talk right now. I didn’t want him to ask why I was acting like this… because I knew that I couldn’t lie to him any longer. I hated lying to him. I hated omitting the truth, because I hated it when he does that…

But what choice did I have?

It’s either this… or I risk all their lives.

Just because a Ramirez was bored.

I kissed Jasper with all my being. I wanted him to feel my love for him. I wanted him to know how much I love him… that even if I would leave him, I didn’t want him to doubt if my love for him was real… Kasi mahal ko talaga siya. I wouldn’t hurt myself like this if I didn’t love him this much… if I didn’t see Kellan, Nico, and Evan as my own brothers…

I’d rather hurt than to hurt them.

That’s the choice I want to make.

“Jasper…” I mewled when I felt his hands on my breasts. Nakita na lang ng mga mata ko iyong bikini top ko na lumulutang sa tubig. I closed my eyes as I felt him playing with my breasts. Shit.

He lifted me up, my legs still anchored around his waist. I could feel how ready he was for me.

‘I’m sorry,’ I kept on repeating to myself. I knew I promised my mom that I’d remain a virgin until marriage, but I couldn’t stop now… I didn’t want to stop.

My hands traced the pattern on Jasper’s stomach. I bit his ear as he was biting my nipples.

“That hurts,” I said nang manggigil siya sa akin.

“I’m sorry,” he said, planting little kisses on my breasts. “I’ll stop—”

“No!” I quickly argued. I grabbed his face again to kiss him. I kissed him until he forgot about his urge to stop this. I wanted this to happen. I needed this to happen.

“Where are we going?” I asked when he carried me until we got out of the pool. Jasper’s so strong. He made me feel like I weigh nothing as he carried me in his arms.

“Back inside. You’re shivering,” he said. Of course I was cold! He removed one of the two pieces of clothing that I was wearing!

I didn’t know where Jasper would put me, but he kept on walking until we reached the room. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang bigla niya akong ihagis sa kama.

“Jasper!” I shouted. “Why did you throw me?!”

I was about to nag him some more kasi what if nahulog ako sa sahig?! What if tumama ako sa headboard?! With his arms, I was sure na kung saan ako makakarating if he ever decides to throw me! But all my words left me when he removed his shirt.

My eyes widened.

My throat felt dry.

Oh, my…

Jasper… that body…

My lips were parted when Jasper decided to join me in the bed. Ni hindi ako nakapagsalita nang halikan niya ulit ako. He was hovering above me as he made me forget about the world with his kisses. He was so huge that I was afraid that he’d break me.

“I love you,” he said when he stopped for a second to breathe.

My heart began to quicken its pace.

“You’re scaring me,” he continued. “You’re acting so weird, Siobhan. Don’t scare me.”

I tried to smile to hide the cracks on my heart. I caressed his face. I bit my lower lip. I didn’t want to cry, but this was making me cry…

“I love you, too, Jasper… You’ll always be my First Lieutenant…”

I could see the fear in his eyes. I didn’t want him to see the fear in mine. So, I pulled him down and let him whisk me away with his kisses yet again.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked as he parted my legs.

I looked at him, and nodded. “Never been more sure.”

Chapter 40

#COMM

Chapter 40

“JJ, stop that!” I said as he snatched the book from my hand. “Give me that!” I shouted, running after him. But this boy, my god! He has the energy of ten horses! I could never keep up with him! I tried, so hard, but he’s just so full of energy!

“You’re not paying any attention to me!” he shouted, still running around with my book on his hand.

“Because Mommy’s working!” I shouted.

“You’re always working! Don’t you love me?”

I stopped, putting my hands on my waist. “Jasper Alexander Ybañez Jr.,” I said, making him stop. He knew that if I call him by his full name, I was dead serious. “Give me my book.”

JJ stopped and walked towards me, his head bowed down. “Here…” he said through his pouty lips. I wanted to be mad at him, I really wanted to… Sobrang kulit niya… but every time I’d look at him? Any anger or annoyance I felt just magically melts away.

He’s got everything from his Dad.

And I could never get mad at that face.

I got the book from his hand, and I kneeled in front of him. I cupped his face with my hands.

“JJ, of course Mommy loves you. I’m working so we can eat,” I reminded him.

“Are we poor, Mommy?” he asked, looking worried.

I bit my lip to stop myself from laughing. “We’re not… but if you won’t let Mommy work, we might be poor soon.”

JJ’s turning four in a few months. He’s always asking me if he has cousins like his classmates… or if he has uncles… I was so tempted to tell him that he has lots of uncles who would spoil him rotten… but I always stopped myself.

He’s safer here…

He’s much safer here…

I knew that Jasper would hate me more because I was hiding our son… but what choice did I have? Kapag nalaman ni Justin na may anak kami, what if he wanted to ruin our lives again? Paano na ngayon na may anak kami?

“We always have food,” he said, pouting.

“And we won’t have food anymore if you won’t let Mommy work.”

He sighed. “Then, can you please bring me with you the next time you go back to the Philippines? I promise I’ll behave!”

My heart broke at the sight of him raising his hand as if he was promising me that he’d be a good kid… Gusto ko rin naman siyang dalhin sa Pilipinas… I wanted him to meet his Uncles… To meet the whole family…

But Justin…

Justin scared me…

Even if my whole family could protect me, it would only take one bullet to end a life… Kagaya nang nangyari dati…

“Okay,” I said, smiling, but I knew in my heart that there’s no way I’d bring him to the Philippines…

At least, not in the foreseeable future.

---

“You have to come home,” Dad said.

I groaned. “I just went there a few months ago,” I said. I was in the middle of making a proposal for work when Dad decided to call me. They knew about JJ… silang dalawa lang ni Mom. I knew that if ever my brothers learn about JJ, they’d hate me for hiding him… but really, I just wanted the best for my son.

The fewer people who know about his existence, the better. I just couldn’t risk it.

“You have to come home for Cindy’s wedding.”

My forehead creased. I actually put down the book I was reading. “She’s getting married? Kanino?”

“To Parker.”

My eyes widened. “Really…” I said, unable to believe it. I’m not close to Cindy, I’d never really talked to her much… Maybe it’s because I feel like I needed to be loyal to my Mom… It’s not Cindy’s fault, but still… I felt like I owed it to my Mom to not be that close to Cindy. She’s close naman with my brothers, so there’s that.

“Yes. So, you have to come home for the preparation.”

Hindi agad ako naka-sagot.

“Bring JJ.”

“Dad…”

“It’s been so long, Maggie. Everything’s different now. Why are you still scared?” he asked.

Hindi agad ako naka-sagot. How would I even explain my side? He wasn’t there when it all went down… until now, it was as if I could still hear the shots getting fired…

“I’m not scared…”

“Then come home already. I don’t want JJ to grow up there. He has a life waiting here in the Philippines.”

The whole day, I kept on thinking about Dad’s words… I could come home… That has always been an option, alam ko naman… But as a mother, I wanted the best for JJ… I just wanted him safe.

Hindi ko naman siya gustong itago. Gusto ko rin naman siyang ipakilala kay Jasper… I never intended to hide him from anyone… but every time I’d remember that Justin’s still around, anxiety just quickly creeps into my system.

The mere mention of his name was enough to make my knees shiver in fear.

“Mommy…”

My thoughts were halted when I heard JJ calling me. I looked at him and immediately calmed down. Agad akong napa-ngiti. I love looking at his face… He’s the reminder that once in my life, I was happy…

“What?”

“My assignment,” he said, handing over a blank sheet of paper. My brow arched. “Teacher said that I should make a family tree. I only know you and Daddy… You said that Daddy is a soldier, right?”

I smiled and nodded. “Yes. He’s the bravest.”

His eyes twinkled. “Does he know how to shoot?”

I nodded. “Yes, he’s a sniper, you know?”

He clapped his hands. “Please, I wanna meet him, Mommy! I promise that I’ll behave!”

My heart constricted again. Should I bring him home? Should I introduce him to his family? Pero paano kapag—

Shit. Ganito na lang ba ako palagi? Would I always live in fear because of Justin? He already stole five years of my life! Hanggang kailan ko ba hahayaan siya na takutin ako?

“Please, mommy? I wanna see Daddy…” JJ pleaded. “Does Daddy hate me?”

Agad na nanlaki ang mga mata ko. “No!” I quickly replied.

“He doesn’t want to see me?”

“JJ…”

“Please, Mommy? I just want to meet him…” he said before he turned around and slowly walked away.

I watched until he was gone from my sight. I was conflicted. I knew that I was being unfair by hiding him here in Europe…

“JJ,” I quickly called him. Sobrang bilis niyang humarap sa akin. There was a little grin on his face. This kid! Alam na alam talaga kung paano ako paikutin! He knew how to guilt-trip me! Hindi ko alam kung saan siya nagmana! Hindi naman ganyan si Jasper!

“Yes, Mommy?”

I walked towards him and kneeled. “If we go—”

“I promise I’ll behave!” he shouted, cutting me off.

“Yes, that, but also—”

He raised his hand. “I promise to do anything that you want, Mommy! Just bring me to the Philippines! I wanna meet Dad and my other family! You said we have a big family, right? I wanna meet them all!”

Pasikip lang nang pasikip ang puso ko. Seeing JJ this excited made me even guiltier… I felt like I stole his life from him… Na kahit buhay siya, this wasn’t the life that he deserved…

“Okay… You’ll follow whatever Mommy says, okay?”

He nodded, showing me his toothy grin.

Buong linggo, puro pag-uwi lang sa Pilipinas ang bukambibig ni JJ. Kahit Saturday pa ang flight namin, Monday pa lang ay naka-ayos na lahat ng gamit niya. He even inserted his school report card in his bag! Ipapakita niya raw sa Daddy niya na mataas ang grades niya…

My heart was going crazy. JJ may know about Jasper… but Jasper didn’t know about JJ…

I didn’t know how he’d react…

But I knew he’d love JJ. He’s his son… he’s my little version of him.

Pero hindi ko rin maaalis sa kanya kung magagalit siya sa akin. I just decided what’s best during that time… And I had to decide fast.

Saturday came by so fast. It was as if the heavens granted JJ’s wish para bumilis ang takbo ng panahon. The flight was long and tedious, but JJ couldn’t sleep. He’d just take naps, and then he’d stay awake and ask me things about Jasper. Hindi pa niya nakikita talaga si Jasper, but the way his eyes sparkle every time he’d hear his name? It’s like Jasper’s been there all his life…

And I was happy. It felt like it was a job well done for me… Ayoko kasi na magalit si JJ kay Jasper… Wala namang may gusto nito…

“Are we near already, Mommy?” he asked, looking outside the window.

I looked at my watch. “A little longer. Why don’t you nap again? I’ll wake up when we arrive.”

He vehemently shook his head. “No. I want to be awake. Will we go to Daddy, Mommy? I wanna change my clothes first before I meet him. Do we go to his house, Mommy?”

I pursed my lips. Ang dami niyang tanong… mga tanong na wala naman akong sagot. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nangyari kay Jasper… I just couldn’t bring myself to be updated with what’s happening with him… Alam ko kasi na madali akong bibigay kapag palagi akong makakarinig ng tungkol sa kanya…

“No more questions, JJ.”

“But—”

“You promised that you’ll follow me. Now, take a nap.”

He sighed. “Okay…” he said as he closed his eyes.

My heart kept on beating wildly as I watched the plane descend. Kitang-kita ko ang pagbukas ng mga mata ni JJ nang i-announce na nasa Pilipinas na kami. It’s almost like he didn’t sleep and just waited for our arrival.

“We’re here, Mommy!” he said, smiling wildly as the people around us began to fix their things. JJ kept on talking while I kept on worrying. Habang naghihintay kami ng gamit namin sa carousel, kanina pa ako naka-tingin sa phone ko.

“Who are we meeting, Mommy?” JJ kept on asking.

I ignored his questions as my eyes started to look for a familiar face. I sighed when I saw her.

“Addie!” I said, smiling wildly.

She arched her brow. “Is that the little rascal?” she asked, looking at JJ who’s now glaring at her for calling him a little rascal.

“He has a name,” I said.

JJ cocked his head. “Mommy’s right. I have a name.”

Natawa si Addie. “He’s got your attitude, Maggie,” she said, then opened her arms. “Are you back for good?” she asked as we hugged.

Hinigpitan ko ang yakap sa kanya. “I don’t know…” I replied. “JJ,” I said. “You’ll stay with your Aunt Addie first.”

His eyes widened. “But Mommy!”

Addie rolled her eyes. “Drama queen.”

“You’re mean!” JJ shouted.

Napa-iling na lang ako. Si Addie pa lang ’to! Paano pa iyong mga kapatid ko? Baka paiyakin nila si JJ.

“Sa ’yo muna si JJ, ha?” bilin ko. “Dun muna siya sa condo mo. ’Wag mo siyang papalabasin kahit magpumilit.”

Addie nodded. “Fine. Pero saan ka pupunta?” she asked.

I smiled, then bit my lips. “I have to see Jasper… I have to talk to him,” I whispered as I looked at JJ. I wanted Jasper to be prepared… Na kung magagalit man siya, sa akin muna… I didn’t want JJ to be the first to receive his wrath…

Addie scoffed. “I’ll send you his new address,” she said as she got JJ’s things. “Good luck. You’ll need lots of that.”

Chapter 41

#COMM

Chapter 41

I repeatedly stared at the address Addie gave me. It was an address of a high-rise building in BGC. I didn’t want to believe that this was the workplace of Jasper…

But what did I know? Ilang taon kaming hindi nag-usap si Jasper… Hindi ko kasi alam kung paano… I knew that if I ever decide to talk to him, I would tell him about our son… I could never lie to Jasper…

“Ma’am, nandito na po tayo,” the driver said.

I felt nervous all of a sudden. Pero mas importante pa ba iyon kay JJ? I needed to think about his feelings first… He waited so long for this… He wanted to see his Dad… I needed to be brave and face Jasper… Para kung magalit man siya, sa akin na lang… Hindi kasalanan ni JJ na hindi siya nakilala ni Jasper…

That’s my choice.

I’d take the consequences of my choice.

I alighted from the car and took nervous steps. The receptionist greeted me. I didn’t know what to expect… Addie didn’t tell me anything—as per my request. I didn’t like hearing about Jasper. Kasi marinig ko pa lang ang pangalan niya, parang gusto ko na agad siyang makita…

And I couldn’t do that before. I needed to stop thinking about myself… about what I wanted… I needed to put JJ before anything else.

“Good afternoon,” I greeted.

“Good afternoon, Ma’am, what can I do for you?” she asked.

I adjusted the wig that I was wearing. I knew I was probably paranoid, but I just couldn’t risk it. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nangyari kay Justin… I knew my Dad promised to take care of him, but the Ramirez were just as powerful as they were crazy… I couldn’t take that chance.

“Is there…” I trailed. I looked around. Everything looked so… modern. Hindi ko maisip na dito nagta-trabaho si Jasper. “Is… Jasper Ybañez here?”

My heart was beating profusely fast as I waited for the answer. I could feel my hands starting to get cold as seconds passed by. Parang biglang sumikip iyong suot ko. I felt like I needed to go out to breathe.

“Do you have an appointment with him, Ma’am?”

Holy—he’s really working here?

I clamed up. I suddenly felt dizzy.

“Because if you don’t have an appointment, Ma’am, I suggest you make one first before you can see him,” she said, looking concerned as I began to have a panic attack. “Ma’am, are you okay?”

I nodded, trying to control myself.

“Y-Yeah… Do you have a rest room here?” I asked.

The receptionist politely pointed me at the direction of the rest room. With my shaking knees, I managed to go there. Thankfully, walang tao sa CR. I removed my freaking wig and splashed some cold water on my face.

“You’re doing this for JJ,” I reminded myself as I stared at my reflection. I kept on breathing deeply, constantly telling myself that I should suck it up… This wasn’t just for me… This was for my son… My son who’s begging to be introduced to his father.

I needed to do this.

But when the door swung open, I panicked and hid inside one of the stalls. Shit, Justin! Even the slightest movement was enough to send my system into a fucking overdrive! Pakiramdam ko ay matatahimik lang ako kapag nawala na si Justin sa mundo!

“Sobrang hot ni Sir grabe.”

My forehead creased. Something was telling me to listen.

“I know! Too bad he’s already with someone, no?”

“Hindi pa naman sila kasal. He’s still fair game, if you ask me.”

“Still. ’Di man sila kasal ni Ma’am Helene, may anak naman sila… Saka ’di naman mukha si Sir Jasper na magcocommit ng adultery. Ni ’di nga tumitingin ’yun sa mga babaeng employee dito.”

My chest quickly began to tighten. Hindi ako maka-hinga. Hanggang sa muli kong marinig ang pagsara ng pinto ay hindi pa rin ako maka-galaw.

M-May… may anak siya kay Helene?

Shit.

My vision started to become blurry. I had to sit on the bowl. Shit. Jasper has a child… with someone else. Shit. What do I do?

Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal na nanatili sa loob. I just… I just didn’t know what to do! I knew that I needed to talk to Jasper… I owed JJ that much… but it suddenly felt like everything has changed!

It wasn’t about me… not just about JJ…

It’s about Jasper’s family—his own child.

‘But JJ’s his child, too…’ a voice inside me said.

Gulung-gulo ang isip ko. I knew that I needed to get out of here. I needed to get out fast. Mabilis kong kinuha ang mga gamit ko. I couldn’t talk to Jasper. Not now. I wasn’t in the right mindset. I needed to process what I just heard.

“I’m so—”

My heart began to quicken its pace when a familiar face appeared before me. My lips parted in recognition. I saw her once before… just once… but I could never forget her face.

“Helene.”

“You’re back,” she said. “Are you here to see Jasper?”

Hindi ako makapagsalita. Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin. How do I even do it? How do I tell her that Jasper has a son with me? How do I tell her that when she’s in a wheelchair? It felt so wrong…

“Helene—”

“He has a meeting all day. I suggest you go back after 5. He’s parked at basement 2,” she said.

Nanatiling naka-kunot ang noo ko. Hindi ko maintindihan… What was she doing? Why was she helping me with Jasper?

“What… what are you doing?” I asked.

“You want to talk to him, right?” she asked.

I nodded. “I don’t… I don’t understand.”

Her face remained impassive. It almost felt like I was gone for too long—far too long for things to have changed drastically… Hindi ko na alam ang mga nangyayari… Hindi ko maintindihan…

“You go see him for you to understand,” she said before she rolled herself away from me.

Even when she was gone from my vicinity, I still couldn’t move. What happened? What happened to Jasper for her to act that way? Bigla akong nakaramdam ng kaba…

Addie told me that I needed luck…

And now… Helene’s words felt like warning…

It felt like I needed to prepare myself… sa kung anuman ang nangyari kay Jasper.

---

I stayed in a cafe. My hands were already shaking from consuming too much caffeine, but I couldn’t help myself! Kanina ko pa iniisip kung ano ang mga posibleng mangyari kapag nagkita kami ni Jasper. What happened to him? I felt like something big happened… something so big for the people around me to speak of him like he turned… like he turned into some kind of monster…

And it scared me. It scared me to think about what he became… but I needed to see him… I needed to talk to him…

He needed to know about JJ…

I almost jumped from my seat when my phone alarmed. It’s 4:30. I needed to go back to the building. I needed to see Jasper.

Against my shaking knees, I forced myself to walk back to the building. Panay ang paghinga ko nang malalim habang naglalakad ako papunta roon. Sobrang sikip ng dibdib ko nang makarating ako sa basement.

“It’ll be fine…” I kept on telling myself, but my own words weren’t enough to calm me down… Panay lang ang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko…

I didn’t know where I should be waiting. There were only a few cars here in the basement—all of them luxury cars… Did Jasper drive one of these? I couldn’t imagine… but then again, I didn’t know much about him…

All I knew was that I love him… I didn’t need to know much to know that my feelings for him are true.

“Do I need to go there myself to close that deal?”

I froze.

My entire system froze when I heard that voice.

“See me when the deal’s closed. Otherwise, I expect to see your resignation letter on my desk.”

I could hear his footsteps. Hindi ako maka-hinga. Hindi ako maka-galaw. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko.

Jasper… Jasper walked passed by me. He didn’t even stop. He didn’t even notice that I was there… And I couldn’t even recognize him.

He didn’t look the same…

He didn’t feel the same…

And I felt scared.

Narinig ko ang patuloy na pakikipag-usap niya. Patuloy ako sa paghinga nang malalim. Kailangan kong lakasan ang loob ko… I knew I couldn’t run from this… I couldn’t keep on delaying this… One day, I’d have to talk to him. I’d have to tell him about JJ…

Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko at huminga nang malalim.

“Jasper.”

I could feel my heart in my throat.

I could feel my hands starting to get cold.

I couldn’t see Jasper… but it was as if I could feel him freezing. It was as if he could recognize my voice…

It was as if he was almost scared that it was me…

“Jasper,” I repeated myself. I could see him grasping on his phone like he was holding on to his dear life. Even from a distance, I could feel the weight of the emotions surrounding us… And it was making it so hard to breathe…

I couldn’t move. I wanted him to turn and look at me.

“We need to talk,” I said.

I waited for seconds. I waited for seconds before he turned to look at me. I almost fell on my knees when I felt his eyes on me…

His eyes…

I could see the anger in his eyes.

I could see him looking at me like I betrayed him…

But it wasn’t like that… I never betrayed him… I never loved anybody else since him…

It’s always been him… Kahit hindi na ako ang gusto niya… That wouldn’t change the fact that for me, it’s just him… It’s just him and our son…

His chest was desperately rising and falling…

I could feel how he wanted to say something, but his emotions wouldn’t let him. Pilit kong nilakasan ang loob ko. Pilit akong humakbang palapit sa kanya.

“Jasper…” I called again. I could feel my entire system shaking in fear as I got nearer. My mind was telling me to stop, but my own heart betrayed me…

I wanted to be near him.

I needed to be near him.

I didn’t care anymore if he’d get mad at me.

I just wanted to give in to my feelings.

“I need to tell you something,” I said. I fisted my hands. I needed to do this. “I know… I know you have a family now… but I know that I needed to tell you this…”

Huminto ako at tinignan siya sa mga mata niyang hindi umaalis ang tingin sa akin. I didn’t know what he was feeling… but the intensity of his stares were enough to send fear across my system. Maybe they were right… Jasper’s different now…

“We have a son.”

I could see his lips parting. I could see the disbelief in his eyes.

“He’s named after you, but I call him JJ… He’s turning 4 in a few months… He’s a very smart kid. He looks so much like you…” I said, staring back at him. “And he wants to meet you, Jasper.”

Tahimik akong naghintay sa salita na magmumula sa kanya. Tahimik akong naghintay sa kahit ano mula sa kanya.

I silently counted each second that passed by.

I silently cherished the opportunity to stare at his face.

“My lawyer will get in touch.”

Confusion washed over my face. “W-What?”

He looked at me, his face again full of anger. He was looking at me, his chest heaving in unmistakable anger. “If you’re telling the truth, I’d want the custody of my child,” he said before walking towards his car and driving… as if he couldn’t wait fast enough to get away from me…

Chapter 42

#COMM

Chapter 42

Panic began to run through my system. I stood there for what felt like forever. Paulit-ulit kong naririnig ang sinabi ni Jasper.

‘If you’re telling the truth, I’d want the custody of my child.’

I clutched my chest. I breathed hard. This… this wasn’t him. There was no trace of the man that I love… He felt so cold… so distant… so detached. I didn’t even see an ounce of mercy in his eyes as he blatantly told me that he’d take JJ away from me.

Hindi na ba talaga niya ako mahal?

Ni hindi man lang ba niya naisip na masasaktan ako sa sinabi niya?

My knees were buckling as I tried to get home. I could feel fear through my entire system… I still couldn’t believe what just happened… but it did happen…

Jasper changed…

It seemed like they were all right to warn me.

“Mommy!” JJ jumped to hug me when he saw me. I hugged my baby back. “Where did you go? I missed you terribly!” he said, hugging me even tighter.

My chest began to tighten. I couldn’t let Jasper take JJ from me… hindi ko naman gustong itago si JJ… If he wanted to see him, I would never stop him… but I wouldn’t let him take our son away…

“Are you sad, Mommy?” he asked when he stared at my face.

I smiled and shook my head. “No. Mommy’s just tired. Can you get me a glass of water?” I asked, and he quickly obliged. Nang maka-alis si JJ ay saka ko lang napansin si Addie. She was looking at me, her brow arched… and with that expression that seemed like she already had an idea about what happened…

She knew…

She knew that Jasper changed…

I wanted to ask, but I was afraid that I already knew the answer…

“How’s the talk?” Addie asked.

I tried to smile. “Terrible.”

She smirked. “Told you.”

I looked at her. “What…” I began, but couldn’t verbalize my thoughts. I took a deep breath. “Did… did something happen after I left?”

Addie looked at me, and for a second, I thought I saw something cross her eyes… I began to feel panic spread through my system. Did something so bad happen for Addie to react like this? Because I know her, and she’s not someone who reacts to normal things!

“Addie—”

“You should talk to him, not me.”

“But—”

“You were gone for years, Maggie. If you wanna know what happened, ask him. After all, I’m pretty sure you won’t be going anywhere now.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “What do you mean?”

She smiled, and then patted my head. “Well… your ex-bodyguard, ex-boyfriend, and baby daddy’s apparently super rich,” she said, my eyes widening. “I know! Surprising, right? That’s why his records were heavily redacted—he’s the son of some rich woman. That’s the answer din kung bakit siya English speaking. He’s some rich boy,” she continued. “So, don’t worry, Mags. You won’t be going anywhere because I’m sure Jasper won’t let you… especially now that you told him about JJ.”

Bigla akong nakaramdam ng mas matinding kaba.

“Did… did I make a mistake?” I asked. Jasper… would he really take JJ away from me? Kasi alam ko na kaya niya… pero hindi ako papayag… but I also didn’t want to fight with him… Ayokong makipag-away sa kanya para kay JJ…

She shook her head. “No. You ran away for too long; it’s time you face the reality, Maggie.”

Hindi pa rin ako makapagsalita. The thought of talking with Jasper made me shiver… Parang nararamdaman ko pa rin kung gaano siya kalamig kanina… He didn’t have any resemblance of my Jasper…

“He wants to get JJ’s custody,” I said with a sad smile on my face. “How could he even tell that to me, Addie? He didn’t even blink an eye when he told me that… Parang wala siyang pakielam kahit masaktan ako sa sinabi niya…” mahina kong sabi.

Addie stared at me for a while. I looked at her, waiting for her to say something… anything… because frankly? I would take any advice right about now. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. I couldn’t think clearly.

“Do it for JJ, Maggie. Trust me, you don’t want this to reach the court. If you can convince Jasper to settle amicably, do it. It won’t be good for JJ to see his parents fighting for his custody.”

“But—”

She cut me off. “Talk to him. Settle this. Compromise,” she said with finality. “This will get really messy if we get both families involved. Our family won’t let them win, but I’m sure that their family won’t also go down without a fight.”

I bit my lower lip. “You didn’t see him…”

She shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. You two have to resolve this like an adult,” she said before she left me alone to wallow in my destructive thoughts…

---

The days rolled slowly. Tuwing magigising ako, kinakabahan ako na baka totohanin ni Jasper ang banta niya sa akin… JJ was begging me to bring him outside, but my fear just heightened… Ngayon, hindi na lang si Justin ang problema ko… Problema ko na rin si Jasper… Problema ko na baka kunin niya talaga sa akin si JJ…

“Mommy, please let’s go outside!” he begged.

I looked at my son. I wanted to explain to him what was happening, but at the same time, I wanted to shield him from the harsh reality of life… Naaawa ako sa kanya… He deserved a happy family… Instead, this was what he got…

A coward mother…

And a vengeful father…

“I wanna see Daddy!”

“Okay,” I replied.

His eyes twinkled. “Really?!”

I nodded. “Yes…” I said, smiling at him. Maybe this was a good idea. Maybe Jasper seeing JJ would make him soft… Gusto ko lang naman na makilala niya si JJ… Gusto ko na malaman niya na wala naman akong balak itago sa kanya… The odds were really just against us… I did what I think was the best.

JJ hugged me. “Thank you, Mommy! I promise I’ll be behaved!”

Pilit akong ngumiti. At least someone’s happy about this.

Tahimik akong nag-ayos habang inaayos ni JJ ang bag niya. My son’s very independent—dahil na rin siguro lagi akong busy sa trabaho kaya nasanay siya na siya ang gumagawa ng mga bagay para sa kanya. I smiled when I saw him putting his report card in his little bag.

I just prayed that Jasper wouldn’t talk to me harshly in front of JJ. Ayoko na ganoon ang ipakita niya sa anak namin. If… If we couldn’t be like how we were before, then I wanted us to be civil. Our son deserved that, at the very least.

“I’m ready Mommy!” he said, showing me how he’s all dressed up. He’s wearing a white polo-shirt and his little pants. Hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko kaya hinalikan ko siya sa pisngi. He groaned. “Mommy! You’re getting lipstick on my cheek!”

“You’re still my baby!”

“I’m a big boy already!”

Kinurot ko ang pisngi niya. Bago kami lumabas, nilagyan ko siya ng baseball cap pati sunglass. Mabuti at hindi siya nagtanong kung bakit. He must had really wanted to see his Dad dahil sinusunod niya talaga lahat ng sabihin ko…

I borrowed one of Addie’s car. I didn’t even know if Jasper was in his office. But I had to try… I had to at least do that…

“Where are we, Mommy?” JJ asked as we parked.

“Daddy’s office.”

“I thought he’s a soldier, Mommy?”

I just smiled. ’Di ko rin alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko. How would I tell our son that for the past years, I tried my best not to be updated about what’s happening to Jasper?

Hawak-hawak ko ang kamay ni JJ habang naglalakad kami papasok.

“Do you have an appointment, Ma’am?” tanong muli sa akin ng receptionist.

“No—” I replied, but JJ cut me off.

“We’re here to see my Daddy. His name is Jasper Alexander Ybañez!” JJ announced. Agad na nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Kitang-kita ko ang gulat sa mukha nung receptionist. I could also feel the eyes of the other employees on us. Shit, JJ! Why did he have to shout that?! Of course, everyone here knew Jasper because he’s the boss! And he’s practically married to Helene and they have a son!

I felt like being swallowed whole by the ground. Or to be struck by the lightning—anything!

“Can we see my Daddy, Miss?” JJ continued.

The receptionist’s lips were parted. “W-Wait,” she said, then dialed something on the phone. I could feel my heart beating so fucking fast! My God! Ni wala pa kaming isang linggo dito ay naipamalita na ng anak ko kung sino ang tatay niya! I was just freaking praying na hindi ’to makarating sa pamilya ko dahil malalagot ako kung sakali!

“Janice, uhm… someone here wants to meet with Sir Jasper—” the receptionist said.

“I’m his son!” sabat ni JJ. Damn this kid! Saan ba siya nagmana?!

“Y-yeah… Anak daw niya… Paki-sabi na lang—” she said, then looked at us. “Ma’am, proceed na po kayo sa 26th floor.”

JJ shouted his thanks while I was quickly dragging him away from all the prying eyes. Pakiramdam ko ay tumanda ako ng ilang dekada dahil sa ginawa niya! I looked at him, ready to reprimand, but when I saw how his eyes sparkled as he watched the elevator level came closer to our destination, all my anger dissipated…

“We’re here, Mommy,” he said, looking at me as we stopped at the 26th floor.

Paglabas pa lang namin, ramdam ko na ang tingin ng mga tao… I didn’t know if news could really travel that fast… I didn’t know if they already heard about JJ’s little announcement, but I swore, I could feel all their curious glances at us…

“Let’s walk faster, Mommy,” JJ said, pulling me with him.

Nang maka-rating kami sa receptionist, it was as if she was already eagerly waiting for our arrival. She quickly stood up, and told us that we could proceed inside.

Shit.

Ito na ’yun.

“JJ—” I said, but my stubborn son didn’t wait for me, and instead, he ran inside, shouting, “Daddy!”

I looked at the receptionist, smiling awkwardly. Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal na naka-tayo lang sa labas. I was trying to get strength to go inside… Iniisip ko pa lang na makikita ko si Jasper, agad ng nanghihina ang tuhod ko…

“Here we go,” I said as I began to walk inside. I was about to open the door when I realized that I couldn’t. Agad akong tumingin sa receptionist. “Excuse me. Can you help me with this?” I asked.

She smiled, and dialed the phone. “Sir—” she said, but she stopped. Her lips parted as she listened to whatever Jasper was saying on the phone.

Nanatili akong naka-tayo, hinihintay ang susunod na mangyayari. When the phone call ended, she looked at me as if she was embarrassed to tell me what she just heard.

“Ma’am…” she began. “Umuwi na daw po kayo. Ihahatid niya na lang daw si JJ mamaya sa inyo…” she said, smiling sadly. What the fuck, Jasper?!

Chapter 43

#COMM

Chapter 43

“What’s with your face?” Addie asked with her laptop propped on her legs. I shut the door behind me as I furiously slumped on the couch beside her. “And where’s JJ?”

I breathed deeper. I closed my eyes as I tried to calm myself down. Ayoko sanang umuwi without JJ, but Jasper’s secretary told me that it would be better for me to come home. Si Jasper daw kasi, kung ano ang sinabi niya, ginagawa niya raw talaga. And she’s sure that if Jasper told me to go home, hindi iyon lalabas ng opisina hanggang nandun ako.

The nerve of that guy! I was the one who brought JJ to this world, tapos ako pa ang napagsarhan ng pinto?!

“Hey, where’s your little monster?”

“With Jasper.”

She arched her brow. “But why are you here?”

I crossed my arms. “I don’t want to talk about it,” I said, but Addie being Addie closed her laptop, and focused on me. She arched her brow again, obviously waiting for me to tell her the story.

Sighing, I gave in. Kinwento ko iyong nangyari kanina. It was just a short story! Ano naman kasi ang sasabihin ko? I could sum it up with a few words—Jasper kicked me out!

“Why did you leave, then? You should’ve stayed.”

“And what? Make a scene?” I shot back. “Besides, inisip ko na lang na it’s Jasper’s time with JJ… Iyon na lang ang inisip ko kahit gustung-gusto kong sipain iyong pinto niya kanina.”

Addie was shaking her head.

“Is there something funny?” I asked when I saw Addie trying to hold her laughter.

“You two. Para kayong bata,” she said.

I rolled my eyes. “Tell that to Jasper. He’s the one who’s acting like a kid!” I shouted, but she just laughed at me.

The remaining of the day, I tried to focus on other things. I didn’t want to dwell too hard on Jasper being such an asshole. As much as possible, I didn’t want to have a problem with him… I was still trying to make amends with the past… ayokong dagdagan ulit. I just wished that he wouldn’t make it so hard on me.

When I heard a knock on the door, my eyes automatically flew in that direction. I looked at Addie, and asked, “Are you expecting someone?” tanong ko agad sa kanya. She shook her head, and resumed to whatever she was doing.

I was wearing cotton shorts and tank top. Tinignan ko iyong reflection ko sa salamin. When I was satisfied with what I saw, mabilis kong binuksan iyong pinto.

“Mommy!” JJ immediately shouted upon seeing me. Mabilis siyang yumakap sa mga binti ko. But my eyes wouldn’t leave Jasper who was standing before me. Agad kong itinaas iyong kilay ko. This asshole! Kapal ng mukha pagsaraduhan ako ng pinto! Akala mo hindi patay na patay sa akin before!

“What’s that?” I asked when he was holding a few paper bags.

“Some clothes.”

“JJ has clothes.”

“Just accept them.”

I didn’t answer. I continued glaring at him. I was practically restraining myself from wringing his neck. Ugh! Bumabalik na namna iyong annoyance ko with the stunt that he pulled earlier! He was so rude to do that to me! To think na ako na nga iyong nagmagandang loob na dalhin sa kanya si JJ!

“I don’t like what you did earlier,” I told him honestly. If we’re gonna make this whole co-parenting thing, he needed to get his act right. Just because I love him didn’t mean that I’d tolerate his bullshits.

“I don’t like how you hid him from me. We don’t always get what we want,” he replied.

My lips parted. I tried to speak, but it almost felt like my own words escaped me. I couldn’t think of a way to respond to his statement! I wanted to tell him that I didn’t want what happened, but I couldn’t find the right words!

“Daddy!” JJ shouted, now hugging Jasper’s legs. He bent down until he was face to face with JJ. I hated how my anger was slowly dissipating as I stared at the two of them together… I dreamed of this for so long… Iyong makita silang dalawang magkasama…

They looked so much alike.

That’s probably why I never even bothered to hide Jasper from JJ… Dahil alam ko na kahit sino pa man ang makakita sa kanila, walang duda na mag-ama sila…

“Did you enjoy?” Jasper asked, smiling at JJ.

“Yes, Daddy! Will I see you again tomorrow?” JJ asked. Jasper looked at me, as if he was waiting for my approval. Kapal ng mukha! After what he did earlier? Did he really think na ganoon na lang kadali iyon?

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Jasper replied, which made me arch my brow so high it almost reached the sky. “Go play with your toys.”

After JJ ran inside with his new toys, muling tumayo si Jasper. We were, again, face to face. I stared at him, loss for words. It was like I was feeling all these emotions at once… I was mad at him, but I also wanted to explain. But I was also worried that what if he wouldn’t listen? I got all these things inside my head, and it’s making me crazy!

“I’ll pick up JJ again tomorrow,” he said.

“Don’t you have work?”

“I’ll take a leave.”

“Just get him on the weekend,” I insisted.

Jasper stood before me, his eyes on mine. I tried to read the expression on his face, but I couldn’t… Kung dati, nahihirapan na akong basahin siya… parang mas lalo lang humirap ngayon…

“I’ll pick him up tomorrow,” he repeated.

I pressed my lips, and tried to calm myself. I didn’t want to get mad. Nandito lang si JJ… I was sure that if magtaasan kami ng boses ni Jasper, he’d hear it… I didn’t want him to see us fighting. It would have a negative effect on him.

“Fine,” I conceded. “But what about Helene? And your kid?” I asked, my heart started to beat rapidly inside my chest. I tried so hard… I tried to hard to remain calm before him… But deep inside, I wanted to know…

Sila ba talaga?

Mahal niya ba talaga?

Wala na ba talaga kami?

I had all these questions… yet I knew that I didn’t have the rights to ask them anymore…

I knew the risk of losing him once I left… I was trying so hard to be strong because I knew I asked for this. This was the choice that I made. I should be an adult about it. Na kung si JJ na lang talaga iyong gusto niya… I should be fine with it.

Jasper’s eyes remained with me. There was no change in his expression. Like it was nothing to him that I just spoke about his new woman… and their son.

“That’s why I’m taking him tomorrow. I’ll introduce him to them,” he said, and then he got something from his pocket, and handed to me. “That’s my work number. If JJ needs anything, call me,” he continued before he turned his back, and left me.

I sadly laughed.

He’s really not my Jasper anymore.

---

The next morning, I prepared JJ para sa lakad nilang dalawa. I didn’t know what would happen… kung ano ang plano ni Jasper… but I trust Jasper with our son… Alam ko naman na hindi niya papabayaan si JJ…

But what about Helene? Ganoon lang ba talaga kadali sa kanya na tanggapin na may ibang anak si Jasper?

“Behave, okay?” I reminded JJ. As much as I knew na hindi siya papabayaan ni Jasper, ayoko na maging makulit siya. I didn’t know Helene much.

JJ nodded. “Yes, Mommy. But aren’t you coming with us? We had lots of fun yesterday! He brought me to the mall, Mommy! And he bought me lots of clothes and toys!” masayang kwento ni JJ.

Agad akong napa-pikit. Anxiety began to flood me as JJ told me stories about how they went outside. Gusto kong biglang tawagan si Jasper para sabihin na ’wag niyang dalhin sa labas si JJ…

Pero ano ang sasabihin ko kapag nagtanong siya kung bakit?

I wanted to put the past behind me… yet I knew I couldn’t just let go of this fear inside me…

“No, Mommy will be going somewhere,” I said, brushing his hair.

“Where, Mommy? Do you want me to go with you?” he asked.

I shook my head. “No, I thought you want to go with Daddy?”

He nodded. “Yes, Mommy, but if you need me, I’ll go with you instead,” he replied, looking at me with that wide eyes of his.

Agad akong napa-ngiti. Of all the things that happened in my life, JJ’s my biggest accomplishment… I was happy that he grew up to be such a nice boy… Masaya ako na hindi siya galit kay Jasper kahit matagal niya itong hindi nakita… At first, I was worried that he might’ve had some resentment since he grew up without his Dad, but seeing them together yesterday? It’s like everything’s fine with the world.

“No, I can manage. Just don’t make your Dad’s head ache, okay? Be a good boy,” I reminded him for the nth time.

Habang naghihintay kay Jasper, nanood muna si JJ ng cartoons sa TV. I sat by the dining area, watching him.

“What are you doing?” Addie asked.

“Watching JJ.”

“Not that. I mean, what’s your plan with Jasper?”

I sighed. “Nothing… I just want them to spend time together. Four years din silang hindi nagkita…” I said, smiling sadly. I knew Jasper would’ve made a great father… Medyo nakaka-hinayang na hindi niya nabuhat si JJ nung baby pa ’to…

“What about our family? I can’t keep on telling them not to visit me here. They’re starting to think that I’m hiding some guy here.”

I rolled my eyes. “As if you’re interested in anyone,” sagot ko. If anything, I was pretty sure that Addie would marry her laptop. Iyon yata ang prized possession niya.

“Besides…” I continued. “I want to be okay with Jasper first. I don’t want to face our family… What if tanungin nila ako kung sino iyong tatay? Tapos malaman nila na I’m not okay with him? It’s just gonna be messy… Mas okay if hintayin ko muna na maging okay kami ni Jasper before I take any further steps…” I explained.

Addie just shrugged. Agad akong tumayo nang marinig ko ang katok ng pinto. Upon opening my door, I couldn’t help but part my lips in admiration.

Ugh! Why did he have to look so good?!

How the fudge would I move on if he’d look like that?!

“Good morning,” he politely greeted. Jasper looked so casual with his white polo shirt and maong pants. I hated how I could see his biceps in that shirt! Made me think of the past that I should forget!

“G-Good morning,” I replied, feeling my throat start to get dry. I begged myself to be composed before him. I needed to act civil. Kasi hanggang ganito na lang kami. Hanggang dito na lang kami…

Kasi ’di ba? If Jasper still wanted me… he would’ve talked to me by now… Ang dami niya ng chance… but he obviously just cared about JJ…

I really should start forgetting about him…

“JJ,” I called our son. “Your Dad’s here.”

Tumakbo si JJ sa kwarto para kunin iyong mga gamit niya. Nanatili akong naka-tayo sa harap ni Jasper. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin. Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin.

“JJ’s not really good at meeting new people,” I began. Hindi kami masyadong nakaka-labas sa Paris dahil busy ako palagi. JJ’s friend-making skill wasn’t the best… but I trust my son to be polite. “If he acts rowdy, you just have to remind him to behave.”

“That’s not rocket science,” he said.

Huminga ako nang malalim. “Can you please be civil? I know you’re pissed at me—”

“Pissed wouldn’t even suffice,” he said, cutting me off.

I clenched my jaw and fisted my hand. “You’re angry. You abhor me. You’re furious at me. Fine. But we’re both JJ’s parents. If you hate me, then continue hating me… but please not in front of JJ.”

He continued to stare at me, like his eyes were trying to drown me. “You really wouldn’t even apologize? Or at least explain, huh, Siobhan?”

It almost felt surreal… hearing my name come from his mouth…

I stared him, my heart picking up its pace as I, again, let myself get drowned in his stares. How badly I wanted to reach for his face… How badly I wanted to touch him again…

But time and time again, I reminded myself that he’s not mine anymore…

“I’m ready, Daddy!” JJ shouted, and for once, I was thankful for the interruption. I didn’t know what would’ve happened if I let myself for any more second be entrapped his Jasper’s stares…

Chapter 44

#COMM

Chapter 44

I couldn’t hide from my family, most especially when my parents knew that I came home. I just needed to get my story straight. Wala sa mga kapatid ko or cousins ko ang may alam kay JJ… I didn’t want to see them because I hated lying straight to their faces. I owed them so much. They saved my ass countless of times before…

But I wanted to fix everything with Jasper first bago ko sabihin sa kanila. I figured din kasi na mas magagalit sa akin si Jasper if alam ng buong family ko, tapos siya lang iyong walang clue… Kaya ilang taon kong tiniis na ako lang at si Addie ang may alam… It’s just better that way…

The less people know, the better.

JJ’s safety is the risk that I’d never take.

“Pasalubong?” Psalm asked upon seeing me.

“Close tayo?” I replied, prompting my other brothers to laugh.

“Many things may change, but your kasungitan will remain the same,” Psalm said, grinning at me. They all hugged me and told me that they missed me. Kulit talaga nila.

My brothers hounded me about my life abroad. I was starting to worry because they had so many questions! It almost felt like they were just waiting for me to slip! Did Dad tell them? But he promised me that he wouldn’t tell anyone!

“What made you go home?” Psalm asked.

I shrugged. “Dad made me.”

“Really?”

I nodded. “Yeah… Cindy’s engagement or something,” I said. Truth be told, I could get away with not coming home for that. It’s not as if I was close with Cindy… maybe it’s just my psyche telling me that it’s time to go home. Addie was right; I ran for far too long. I needed to come home. Hindi naman pwede na lagi akong nagtatago… And JJ’s growing up… I knew that one day, he’d get tired of asking me about Jasper and he’d want to see him himself.

And I wanted to be the one to tell Jasper. Ayoko na dagdagan iyong galit niya sa akin kung sa ibang tao pa niya malaman iyong tungkol kay JJ…

“I still think this is bull,” Psalm said.

“Just let them be,” Saint said.

“But they’re making a mistake.”

“Exactly. It’s their mistake. Let them learn their own lesson. This is not our problem.”

“Baliw ka ba? Cindy’s our sis. Of course I care.”

Saint shrugged. “Yeah, I know, but she decided to accept Parker’s proposal. She’s not a kid, you know? She knows what she’s doing.”

My forehead creased. I knew some stuff, but I couldn’t really understand what was going on. I mean, sure, napapag-usapan naman sometimes, but I wasn’t all that interested in Cindy’s love life, no offense. I had a lot of shit going on. When I was pregnant with JJ, I had a lot of guy asking me out—which was freaking weird! I was pregnant! I thought they had some weird fantasy about pregnant women or something! It was creepy! And after JJ was born, I was busy with JJ… I had no time to keep up with people’s lives.

They shut up when Maven and Gen arrived. I smiled. Gen’s nice. I mean, ’di ko naman siya as in sobrang nakaka-usap, but when I do, nagkaka-sundo naman kami. She’s fine. A bit small, but pretty. And from what I heard, pretty stubborn, too. Maybe that’s what Maven liked about her. I’d always known that Maven would end up with someone who’d challenge every word he’d say. Because otherwise would be boring for him.

Gen went outside habang kausap ni Maven si Auntie Beatrice. Ugh. I should’ve known na makikita ko siya dito sa bahay nila Abuela.

I wanted to drink because the tension was so fucking palpable, but I didn’t think being drunk around these people was the best idea. Mamaya kung ano pa ang masabi ko! Auntie Beatrice’s like a hound dog! It’s like she could feel if there’s a problem that she could use for her sick entertainment!

“Cindy has an announcement to make,” Auntie Beatrice said, looking at Gen, grinning. Sick! She’s her son’s wife! She should drop it already, seriously!

“So… uhm…” Cindy began. She looked like she’s ready to faint. Couldn’t blame her, though. Okay mga brothers ko sa kanya. Our other fam? Not her biggest fan. “I just got engaged to Parker,” she said, her voice trembling a bit.

Everyone went silent. Everyone’s eyes were on Gen. This was some teledrama material.

“That’s great,” Aunt Meredith said. “When’s the wedding?” she asked.

“We’re still ironing things out…”

“I’m sure Genesis will love to help. Right, Genesis? After all, you have no work… not that you need to, anyway…” Auntie butted in. Hindi ko na napigilan. I had to down a glass of alcohol! This was some serious shit! I mean, seriously?! Why would she even?! She’s like obsessed with torturing poor Gen!

---

The whole dinner was downright crazy. Halos hindi ko namalayan iyong oras. Pag-uwi ko, agad kong kinwento kay Addie what went down. She wasn’t there, but I really wanted to tell her everything that happened!

“Your mom’s batshit crazy, no offense!”

She shrugged. “Nah, I know that,” she said, busy with her laptop. “I pity Gen. She’s the target of Mom’s craziness.”

Nag-usap pa kami ni Addie. She got me up to speed with everything that happened while I was gone. For a moment, I was thankful that I wasn’t here for all that drama! I mean, minsan, I go home, but I wasn’t always around for all that shit!

We were in the middle of discussing whether Cindy and Parker’s wedding would continue when we heard knocking on the door. Addie just shrugged. It’s probably Jasper and JJ. Sila lang naman ang nandito palagi. I was still curious if Addie’s dating or what… She’s very attractive naman… the problem’s she’s attracted to her laptop lang yata…

“He fell asleep,” Jasper said as I stared at him carrying JJ.

I opened the door wider. “Just put him on the bed,” I said. Naglakad ako papunta sa kwarto, and opened it. I watched as he carefully laid JJ there. Pagkatapos noon, tahimik lang akong naka-tayo. I was just waiting for him to leave. Today has been really long and tiring… The last thing I wanted was to argue with Jasper. Pagod na ako for that.

“What?” I asked, my brow arched as I watched him staring at me. He’s standing for what felt like a minute already. Parang may gusto siyang sabihin, but he didn’t know how to say it.

Pero kapag magagalit sa akin, he had no qualms on how to say it…

“JJ…” he trailed.

My brow remained arched. I didn’t want to use words as much as possible. Baka kasi he’d construe it against me. Bigla kasi niyang naging talent na baliktarin ang salita ko.

“JJ fought with Kylie.”

“Who’s Kylie?” Babae mo? I wanted to ask, but begged my mouth to stay shut.

“My…” he said, looking at me. I kept my lips pressed together. I shouldn’t let myself be affected like this… Tapos na kami ni Jasper. Whatever we have right now, it’s just because of JJ… Iyon lang ’yun…

“She’s your what?” I asked him again.

“Daughter.”

I felt this tiny stinging sensation inside me. I didn’t know how I managed to remain standing before Jasper… But I knew that I needed to be strong. Kahit sa harap niya lang…

“What’s… what’s with her?” I asked, trying to keep my breathing even. “Why did they fight?”

Jasper looked at me like he didn’t want to tell me what’s happening. Why was he scared? Wala naman ng masisira pa sa aming dalawa… Whatever we had before, it’s gone now… And whatever we have now, it couldn’t be broken easily. Kasi kahit saan kami mapuntang dalawa, we’d always have JJ who would connect us both.

“Nothing. I’ll just talk to Kylie.”

“What is it, Jasper?” I asked. I heard the door being shut. Iniwan siguro kaming dalawa ni Addie. “If it involves JJ, I want to know.”

“Kylie just… she’s just not used to having JJ around. That’s it. I’ll talk to her.”

Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero bigla akong nakaramdam ng awa sa anak ko… If only… if only things didn’t turn out like this, he wouldn’t need to share his father with someone else… He would have to get some kid’s affirmation…

“Siobhan—” he said.

“What?” I asked, my chest tightening.

“Why… why are you crying?”

Agad akong napa-hawak sa pisngi ko. I quickly wiped my tears away. I wanted to remain strong in front of Jasper. I didn’t want him to see me hurting like this. It was my decision to leave… I would never blame him for having another family… It was his life… I would never stoop so low as to blame him for having a life aside from me…

It was my decision to keep on loving him.

My decision would never have to bear weight on his life.

“N-Nothing,” I said, trying to put a smile on my face. “I’ll… I’ll talk to JJ, too. I’m sure he’d understand.”

Jasper looked conflicted.

“I haven’t… I haven’t explained to him fully that—”

“That what? His parents aren’t together? That you have another family and a daughter?” I asked, finishing his sentence for him. I put on the bravest face I could muster.

Was this how it feels to be an adult?

Bullshitting your way through life?

Lying that everything’s all right when it’s all falling apart?

“JJ’s a smart boy, Jasper. He’ll understand that we’re not together. You… you just have to be his father. That’s it,” I said, trying to smile despite the tears threatening to fall. Pinilit kong lakihan ang ngiti ko… na para bang ito ang makaka-pigil sa pagtulo ng mga luha ko.

“Siobhan…”

“Don’t call me that…”

We were staring at each other. I could feel my heart breaking at the sight of him. I wanted to touch him… I wanted to feel him… but I knew that I didn’t have the right anymore…

“I’m always trying to remind myself on where I should stand, Jasper. Don’t confuse me like that.”

I wanted him to leave. I didn’t know for how long I could keep on standing before him like this, pretending to be brave when inside, I was already breaking into pieces.

“All I ask… All I ask is for you to treat JJ nicely… Iyon lang…”

“Why don’t you explain?”

I smiled at him. “It won’t change anything. You’re with someone else, Jasper. I know my place. I would never steal someone else’s man. Hindi ako ganon.”

Huminga akong muli nang malalim.

“Can you please leave?” pakiusap ko sa kanya. Sobrang sikip na ng dibdib ko. Gusto ko na lang umiyak… Gusto kong magsisi… Pero hindi ko kayang gawin iyon sa harap niya…

He’s with someone else. He has a kid with someone else…

I was confused… but I didn’t want him to be confused, too…

“Please?” I asked, feeling my tears falling from my eyes.

Jasper’s jaw clenched, but as I felt my first tear fall from my eyes, I heard the door closing after him.

“Mommy…” I heard JJ’s voice as I felt his arms enveloping me. “Stop crying…” I couldn’t say a word. I just cried and cried until I couldn’t anymore…

Chapter 45

#COMM

Chapter 46

“JJ, are you listening?” I asked him as I watched him playing with his breakfast. Pagkatapos kong umiyak kagabi, JJ cuddled with me until we both fell asleep… And when we woke up, tahimik na siya… I was worried. Addie was right… it wasn’t good for JJ to see his parents fighting… Kahit pa ba hindi kami nagsisigawan ni Jasper, it was still evident that something was wrong between us…

“Yes, Mommy…” he sadly answered.

I sighed as I brushed his hair from his forehead. “JJ…”

He looked at me. “Let’s go home, Mommy.”

Umawang ang labi ko. “W-What?”

Ibinaba niya iyong kutsara at saka humarap sa akin. “Let’s go back.”

I could feel my heart’s beat steadily rising as I stared at him. JJ looked so sad. And it broke my heart to see him like this. He’s a happy boy. Kahit kaming dalawa lang ang magkasama, palagi siyang masaya. He always try to find the best in every situation… And it’s wrecking me to see him so down like this.

“But you haven’t met your Uncles yet.”

He smiled. “Maybe next time, Mommy. Or maybe they can visit us.”

I wanted to ask him what happened nung pinakilala siya ni Jasper kina Helene… but last night was too much for me… I just kept on crying until I couldn’t anymore. Maybe I should just held it all in… pero hindi ko magawa. Seeing Jasper… and knowing that we couldn’t be together anymore? That hurt me.

It’s still hurting me.

I long for the time when I could just all look back at this and be glad that it’s over.

“JJ…” I said, sighing. “If it’s because of last night, your Dad and I are okay.”

“But you were crying.”

“It’s normal to cry.”

Umiling siya. “You only cry when you’re hurt.”

“You can also cry when you’re happy,” I said.

“Are you happy, Mommy?”

Umawang ang labi ko. “I’m… I’m happy,” I said, forcing a smile.

“Liar,” he said, then went back to his breakfast.

Ayoko na magalit siya kay Jasper. Kung anuman ang problema namin ni Jasper, sa aming dalawa lang iyon. Alam ko… Alam ko maaayos pa namin ni Jasper iyon… In time, we’d be okay… pero iyong sa kanila ni JJ? It’s difficult. Mas mahirap kapag nagalit si JJ sa kanya. And I didn’t want that to happen. Jasper deserves JJ, and JJ deserves Jasper.

Muli kong sinubukan na kausapin si JJ, pero hindi niya na ako pinapansin. The whole morning, I just kept on trying to talk to him, but it felt like the topic was already done for…

“What’s drama queen’s problem?” Addie asked as we watched JJ stare seriously at the TV kahit na comedy iyong pinapanood niya. Nalulungkot ako kapag ganito siya… I’d rather be the one who’s sad than him.

“Stop calling him drama queen, Addie,” I said.

“Fine. Geez, pareho kayong bad mood,” she said, raising her hands. “But really, what’s up? The mood here’s so heavy.”

Even though I knew what Addie would tell me, I still told her what happened last night. I should’ve been more careful… I should’ve made sure that JJ wouldn’t hear the two of us arguing.

“You know…” Addie said when I finished. “Just tell him what happened, Maggie. Just because you explained doesn’t mean that you’ll take him away from Miss-What’s-Her-Face.”

“The name’s Helene,” I corrected her. Alam ko naman na tanda niya iyong pangalan. Addie’s memory’ sharp. She’s just my cousin, so of course she loves me and would protect me from anyone who’s hurting me. “And… she’s in a wheelchair.”

“So?”

“She’s in a wheelchair, Addie! I wouldn’t want to add to her problems,” I explained myself. Kung sa normal na babae nga hindi ko magagawang mang-agaw, sa naka-wheelchair pa? Baka ma-feel ko na sinusunog na ang kaluluwa ko kapag ginawa ko iyon.

“Don’t you think it would be more of a problem with her if Jasper would continue to stay with her despite the obvious fact that he’s still not yet done with you?”

My lips parted. “Don’t. Please don’t give me ideas like that.”

“What? That he’s still into you? It’s so obvious, Maggie. Hindi ka pipilitin nun mag-explain if he’s already over you.”

Umiling ako. “He just wants closure.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right. Keep telling that yourself. You’re just scared because what if he still feels the same? Mas iniisip mo kasi iyong mararamdaman nung Helene na ’yun. Paano ka naman? Paano si Jasper? Paano si JJ? You’re all torturing yourselves, to be honest. Nakaka-pagod kayo panoorin.”

Another day passed by and I kept on thinking about what Addie said… Maybe I should just explain to Jasper what happened… Whatever he’d decide to do, it’s on him… Wala akong gustong mangyari kapag sinabi ko sa kanya iyong nangyari dati. I just wanted to give him what he wanted para hindi na kami mag-away. Para hindi ganitong palagi lang malungkot si JJ.

The day that Jasper was supposed to come to pick-up JJ, maaga kong ginayak si JJ. Kanina ko pa siya nire-remind na sana ’wag siyang ganyan… It’s been a day, but he still looked sad. Wala pa rin siyang gana. He kept on looking at me, as if he was begging for us to come home already…

But this is our home.

He’s already home…

“Hi,” I said when I opened the door and saw Jasper. I saw him looking behind me. JJ still hadn’t finished his breakfast. He kept on playing with his food. Nothing I said managed to change his mood.

“Can we talk?” I asked. Jasper merely nodded, as if his attention was still on JJ. It was as if he was trying to figure out if something was wrong…

Lumabas kaming dalawa. I made sure that the door was locked behind me.

“What’s wrong with JJ?” he asked.

I looked at him. “He’s sad,” I answered. I carefully chose my words. I knew that Jasper’s relationship with JJ was still fragile… Kahit pa sabihin na excited si JJ na makita si Jasper noon, it still wouldn’t change the fact that he grew up without him… He’s still basically just a stranger for JJ… Kaya ganoon na lang kadali kay JJ na sabihin sa akin na umuwi na kaming dalawa.

Pain crossed Jasper’s face. I wanted to apologize because it was my fault that this was happening. Kasalanan ko kaya hindi sila malapit ni JJ.

“It’s not your fault.”

“What did he say?” he asked instead. Agad akong nag-iwas ng tingin. “Siobhan, what did my son say?” ulit niya, may diin ang bawat salita.

I looked at him, unsure of the words that I’d say… Paano ko sasabihin sa kanya na gusto ng umuwi na JJ? That he’d rather come home and be lonely with me in our apartment than to be here with his Dad? It would devastate Jasper.

“What did he say?” he repeated.

“He said…” I trailed, and took a deep breath. “He said he wanted to come home.”

Jasper’s jaw clenched. “You’re not taking him away from me.”

“Jasper—”

Marahas siyang umiling. “I’m trying my best to understand you without your explanation, Siobhan. But God forbid you try to pull that stunt again, I don’t care what it takes, I’ll take my son from you.”

I could feel my eyes watering as I listened to every word that he said. I could feel my chest tightening as I stared at him while he looked at me like I destroyed him years ago.

“Jasper…” I said as I felt tears escape from my eyes. “I just did what I thought was best.”

He clenched his jaw. “You thought it was best to abandon me? You hide JJ from me?”

Umiling ako habang pilit na pinupunasan ang luha ko. “No, it’s not like that… ’Wag ka namang ganyan, Jasper… You know I love you… I’d never do anything to hurt you…”

He scoffed. “That’s not love, Siobhan. You’re selfish. You left me.”

Addie was right. I needed to tell him this. I was tired of him looking at me like I betrayed him when all I ever wanted was for him to be safe.

“Selfish, Jasper? Ako pa iyong selfish? Do you think it was easy for me to live in Paris? All alone while I was pregnant? Raise JJ by myself? Leave my family behind? My friends? You? Do you think it was easy for me?!”

I could feel my shoulders shaking.

I couldn’t breathe.

“Jasper, it wasn’t easy! Nothing in the past years was easy! Nahihirapan ako! Hanggang ngayon, nahihirapan ako! I didn’t want to leave you—”

“But you left!”

“Because you left me no choice!”

“You always have a choice, Siobhan. Just admit that you left me.”

Umiling ako. “That’s not true! I asked you before if you wanted to leave with me! You said that your job is important! That you’d follow orders! Ano’ng choice meron ako, Jasper?! They’re already sending Nico, Kellan, and Evan to a war!”

He remained silent but I could see the hatred in his eyes. Kahit ano’ng paliwanag ang gawin ko, isa lang ang maiintindihan niya…

Na iniwan ko siya.

“I don’t want anyone to die because of me, Jasper… You all kept on telling me how you’d take a bullet for me… But you never once asked me how I felt about that. Paano naman ako kapag namatay kayo? Do you think I’d be able to live with myself?”

I could see how his eyes started to get red.

“I’m sorry if you feel this way… I’m sorry if you’re hurting… But I just made a choice, Jasper. I chose to leave to save you. I chose to leave to save our son. What if I stayed? What if Justin learned about him? Kaya mo ba kaming protektahan? You were leaving, Jasper! You were about to be sent to God knows where! My only choice was to leave so that you all won’t have to leave!”

“You should’ve told me.”

Umiling ako. “I made a choice. And I’d do it again. To save you. To save them.”

He was looking at me, tears started to fall from his eyes. It was breaking my heart to see him break like this. I wanted to come near him. I wanted to wipe his tears. But he wasn’t mine to care for…

“You didn’t save us all.”

My lips parted. “W-What?”

“After you left, I still left for war. I didn’t care about my life if you’re not in it. Evan followed me. He got shot because of me. He’s dead, Siobhan. You didn’t save us all.”

I could feel my heart breaking.

I couldn’t breathe.

“N-No…” I breathed. Evan’s not dead… Hindi pwede. Umalis ako para maligtas silang lahat. Hindi pwede na patay na siya. Balak ko pa siyang kausapin. Siya, si Nico, si Kellan. Hindi pwede na wala na siya.

“He’s dead. And his wife’s dead. And they left Kylie alone,” he said.

I looked at him. “Kylie’s their daughter?”

He nodded. “I’m planning to adopt her,” he said. “I’m all she got, Siobhan. I can’t leave her… but I also want JJ. I don’t know what to do.”

Pakiramdam ko ay mahihilo ako sa mga nalaman ko ngayon. Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko nang biglang bumukas ang pinto. Addie was there, her arms were crossed. “Kayong dalawa, puntahan niyo iyong anak niyo. Nag-eempake na. Uuwi na daw siya ng Paris,” she said, her arms crossed.

Chapter 46

#COMM

Chapter 46

Jasper almost flew his way towards JJ’s room. Hindi pa man ako nakaka-galaw sa kinatatayuan ko ay nandoon na agad siya sa kwarto ni JJ.

“Wait,” Addie said when I attempted to take my first step. “Here,” she said, handing me a pack of tissue. “Wipe your tears. Don’t make JJ hate his Dad more.”

Hindi agad ako naka-galaw dahil sa sinabi ni Addie. I didn’t want JJ to hate Jasper. I tried to explain to him what was happening, but it seemed like JJ’s mind was already closed for any explanation. Ang mahalaga lang sa kanya, nakita niya ako na umiiyak… It’s almost like he already concocted inside his head that Jasper’s the enemy and that we should leave immediately…

Matapos kong punasan ang luha ko, huminga ako nang malalim. Addie was right. I shouldn’t cry in front of JJ. I didn’t want him involved in this mess. This was the very reason why I chose to leave instead of staying. I wanted to protect him from the things that might hurt him…

“JJ,” I heard Jasper saying, but JJ wasn’t looking at him. My heart hurt when I saw both of our bags lying on the floor. He wasn’t only packing his things—he’s also packing mine.

“JJ,” I called. “Your Dad’s talking to you.”

But JJ was deaf to all our calls. He was sitting on the floor, folding our clothes and putting them inside the bags. Napa-pikit na lang ako. I really didn’t know where he got that trait! He’s such a sweet boy until you get him mad. That’s when he’d shut up and never talk to you again.

I stepped inside and sat beside him. “JJ…” malambing kong tawag sa kanya. “We’re not leaving the Philippines.” He continued to pack. “How will you even leave, huh? Do you know the way to the airport? Do you have money to buy your ticket?” I asked while caressing the top of his head.

He snapped his head towards me. “I want to leave.”

“Why?”

He looked at Jasper, and I wished he didn’t do that because that look of hurt and betrayal in his eyes were just too much… even for me… paano pa kay Jasper?

“I don’t want to stay here anymore.”

I bit my lower lip. “But why? You were the one who’s very excited to go home, right? You were very excited to meet your Dad…”

He nodded. “I already met him. I’m fine with that.”

Agad akong napa-pikit. Gusto ko siyang pagalitan, pero natatakot ako na baka mas lalo siyang magdamdam. I didn’t want to further the drift. I was afraid that he’d be more closed off if I’d lecture him.

“JJ…” Jasper called. He kneeled so he’s face to face with his son. “Please don’t leave.”

I stared at JJ’s face as he was trying his best to fight his tears. But my son’s wasn’t that strong yet. Kitang-kita ko kung paano nagtutubig ang mga mata niya… kung paano isa-isang bumabagsak ang luha niya.

“I wanna leave. You’re just hurting my mom.”

“He’s not hurting me,” I said.

“Stop lying, Mommy. I saw you cry,” he said, facing Jasper as his tears continued to flow. “You made Mommy cry once, and I was ready to forgive you for that. But you made her cry again. I hate you.”

Muli na naman siyang bumalik sa pag-e-empake. I was afraid to see the look on Jasper’s face. It hurt. It hurt a lot. Naririnig ko pa lang iyong sinasabi ni JJ, nasasaktan na ako… Paano pa siya na sinasabihan ni JJ?

I stood up and asked Jasper to leave the room. I knew my son. There’s nothing that we could say now that would matter to him. His mind’s too closed off. He needed time and space to think.

“He’s not leaving, Siobhan,” Jasper said, his eyes red with tears. “I won’t let you two leave.”

I could feel my heart breaking as I stared at him while he was crying. I wanted to apologize because I knew that the choice I made years ago was causing him this much pain. He already lost Evan… and now, his son hates him… I wanted to take Jasper’s pain away, but I didn’t know how…

“We won’t leave,” I assured him.

“I won’t let you leave.”

“Jasper—”

Hindi ko natuloy ang sasabihin ko nang lumuhod siya sa harap ko. Hindi ako maka-galaw. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko.

“Please… I don’t want him to hate me…” he said, his face damped with tears and his shoulders shaking as he broke down before me.

Agad akong lumuhod at hinawakan ang mukha niya. “Jasper, he doesn’t hate you. Please stop crying. Hindi siya galit sa ’yo. ’Wag kang umiyak, please…” I said as I felt my heart breaking over and over again as I watched him get shattered.

But he didn’t stop crying. I held him in my arms, telling him that his son loves him…

---

I told Jasper to stay. I told him that he wouldn’t leave until JJ talked to him. Nang bumukas ang pinto mula sa kwarto ni JJ, may dala-dala siyang trolley mula sa likod niya.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“Paris,” he said like it’s so easy to go back there.

“You don’t have a ticket, young mister.”

His pressed his lips together. “I’ll go to the embassy. They’ll help me. I’m their citizen.” Umawang ang labi ko. This brat! Desidido talaga siyang bumalik sa Paris!

JJ’s eyes darted at Jasper who was quietly watching him. His lips slightly parted upon realization that Jasper’s eyes were extremely red from crying. I knew that that threw JJ off. Hindi siya iiyakan ng tatay niya kung hindi siya nito mahal. If only he’d listen to that.

“You wanna leave? Fine, let’s leave,” I said.

Jasper looked alarmed, but I turned my back against JJ, and mouthed, “Just follow.”

Lumabas kami sa unit ni Addie. Sabay kaming naglakad ni Jasper dahil nasa likod namin si JJ dala-dala iyong trolley niya. This brat! Talagang nag-empake nga! Hanggang sa makababa kami sa parking lot, hindi pa rin nagsasalita si JJ.

“I’ll drive,” I said, and then Jasper handed over his key fob. I rode on the driver’s seat habang nasa shotgun naman si Jasper. Nasa passenger seat iyong batang makulit.

When I took a right turn, Jasper looked at me with confusion. “This isn’t—”

“Stay quiet,” I whispered as I took the road opposite the airport.

JJ stayed quiet at the back while I was driving. Napailing na lang ako dahil naka-cross arms pa siya habang naka-tingin sa labas. Ayaw talaga kaming pansinin.

We were already 30 minutes deep in driving when JJ finally noticed that something’s wrong.

“This isn’t the way to the airport!” he said when he started to see rice fields on the side of the expressway. “Mommy!” he shouted.

“You wanna leave, right? We’re leaving!”

“I wanna leave for Paris, not this!”

I shrugged. “You weren’t clear.”

“And I don’t wanna go with him!” sabi niya sabay turo kay Jasper.

Huminga ako nang malalim. Ayokong pagalitan si JJ, pero sumusobra na siya kay Jasper. Parang dati lang sobrang excited niya na makita ito, ngayon naman parang kung pwede lang itulak palabas si Jasper at iwan sa palayan, gagawin niya.

“That’s your father you’re talking to, JJ. Show some respect. I didn’t raise you like that.”

He shut his mouth. “Sorry…”

“Sorry what?”

He clenched his jaw. “Sorry, Daddy…”

“Good,” I said, looking at him through the rearview mirror. “Now, sleep first. I’ll wake you up when we’re there.”

JJ quickly fell asleep. He must’ve been tired from all that ‘packing’ that he did. I could see how Jasper was watching him from the rearview mirror. His face softened at the mere sight of JJ…

“He’ll get over it,” I said.

“I don’t want him to get over it. I want him to understand.”

I briefly looked at him. “I’ll explain to him everything that happened, okay? He’ll understand, Jasper. He really loves you, you know?”

He smiled bitterly. “I don’t think so.”

“He does… Back in Paris, he’d always tell stories about you in school. He always asks me to tell him stories about you, and he’d tell those stories in school,” I told him. “You also have a picture in his nightstand. I always catch him talking to your picture before he falls asleep. He loves you.”

Jasper covered his face with his hands.

“On your birthdays, he’d always come home with a cupcake that he’d buy from the bakery near us. Then we’d sing you a song and celebrate,” I continued. “You know what his yearly wish was? To go home and see you.”

Huminga ako nang malalim. I looked at my two stubborn boys. I hope that they’d stop fighting and just be okay. That’s all I asked.

When we stopped by a gasoline station, Jasper took over driving. He was quiet during the entire drive. Nakikita ko lang siya na sumisilip para tignan si JJ. It’s almost like he’s afraid that he’d vanish and be on his way to Paris…

We finally reached our destination. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit kami nandito. When we were nearing Zambales, that’s when I decided to look for an available rest house or beach.

“JJ,” I said, gently tapping his cheek. His eyes fluttered and he yawned. “We’re here already.”

He stretched his arms and looked around. His eyes widened upon realization that we’re in a beach. I could see the excitement on his face, but that was quickly masked by his desire to be ‘mad’ at Jasper.

Pagpasok namin sa loob, maayos na ang lahat doon. I didn’t even know for how long we’d be staying… Ang alam ko lang, hindi kami aalis dito hanggang hindi nagbabati iyong dalawa.

“Choose where you wanna sleep,” I told JJ.

“I’ll sleep with you,” he said, and then glaring at Jasper.

I rolled my eyes. “Fine.”

Nang maka-alis si JJ, tinignan ko si Jasper. “Sorry if biglaan… He really annoyed me earlier… Baka kasi may kailangan kang gawin sa office… Or kay Kylie…”

My heart throbbed once again. Si Kylie… Naiintindihan ko kung bakit inaway niya si JJ… Ang sakit na ang bata pa lang niya pero nawala na agad sa kanya ang mga magulang niya… Alam ko naman na maiintindihan ni JJ iyon… We just needed to explain so that he’d understand…

Jasper shook his head. “I already called Helene. She’ll look after her.”

“Hindi ka ba niya hahanapin?” I asked. From what I could get, si Jasper na ang itinuturing na tatay ni Kylie… Kaya siguro takot na takot siya nang ipinakilala si JJ.

Jasper smiled a little. “She’s looking for me. But JJ’s my priority.”

“Jasper…”

“I need JJ to be okay with me, Siobhan. I know I promised Evan that I’d look after Kylie, but I need my son to love me first,” he said, that familiar look of anguish on his face again. “I need JJ not to hate me.”

I nodded. I’d do everything for them to be okay. Walang aalis ng Zambales hanggang hindi sila nagkaka-ayos dalawa.

“You can teach JJ how to swim, Jasper. Walang beach malapit sa amin kaya hindi siya marunong lumangoy,” I said. “I’ll prepare our lunch. You two can play at the beach.”

Jasper stood still. He was looking at JJ. He didn’t know what to do or how to approach him—his own son.

“JJ!” I called. “You wanna know how to swim right?” I asked and he nodded fervidly. “Your Daddy will teach you,” I continued as his face fell into the becomingly familiar frown.

Chapter 47

#COMM

Chapter 47

“Maybe he’ll just get more mad at me,” Jasper said as we both watched JJ angrily march towards the shore. I shook my head. Maybe Addie was right—my son’s indeed a drama queen.

“No, he’ll be fine,” I reassured him again. Hindi ako sanay na ganito si Jasper. With JJ around, he seemed like a sheep. Na para bang takot na takot siyang makagawa ng pagkakamali…

Jasper sighed once again bago siya sumunod sa anak niya. I stood here, watching from afar. Alam ko naman na magkaka-sundo agad sila. JJ surely couldn’t hold a grudge for that long. Jasper wasn’t a bad guy. JJ would realize that himself.

“You two,” I said, my hands on my waist. “Stop this non-sense.”

JJ rolled his eyes as he played with the sand.

“JJ, you’re his son,” sabi ko sabay turo kay Jasper. “Stop being mad at him. You’re his spitting image!”

Hindi pa rin gumalaw iyong bata. I pulled him up, and started to throw him to the water. “Mommy!” sigaw niya nang ihagis ko siya doon.

Jasper’s eyes widened—he was probably shocked. Bine-baby niya kasi si JJ! Dapat dito sa batang ’to pinapagalitan para hindi ganito na sobrang maarte. Tatalunin pa yata niya si Psalm sa dami ng arte sa buhay!

I could already imagine the two of them coming up with ways to annoy me more! Parang ayoko na bigla ipakilala si JJ sa mga uncle niya.

“Siobhan—”

“Let him,” I said.

JJ got out of the water, looking at me as if I betrayed him. “What? You don’t know how to swim?”

“Because you won’t teach me!”

“Here’s your father willing to teach you!” sabi ko sabay turo kay Jasper.

“Ugh! Fine! Teach me!” JJ said, angrily marching again. He seriously looked like an enraged penguin with the way he’s walking.

Naupo ako sa shore habang pinapanood ko silang dalawa na maglaro sa tubig. Jasper was holding JJ. He looked very carefuly na akala mo bigla na lang tatangayin ng alon si JJ kapag nabitiwan niya ng konti.

“Mommy, join us!” JJ shouted. Napailing na lang ako. Kanina, sobrang madrama niya. Ngayon, parang masaya na siya ulit.

I bit my lower lip. They looked like they’re having a lot of fun. And I wanted to join the fun… but it’s their time. I just smiled and waived at them.

I stood up para magsimulang magprepare ng kakainin namin. I proceeded to ask around para magtanong kung saan pwedeng maka-bili ng pwedeng lutuin. I wasn’t that great of a cook, but I could cook a little. I really learned a lot of things back in Paris. No one would do them for me, so I had to learn them myself.

“Hi,” I said to a guy who was sitting on a fallen trunk of a coconut tree. “Do you know where the nearest market is?” I asked. Kanina pa ako naghahanap ng tao, but he’s the only one around. May mga magkaka-tabing rest house dito sa beach.

The guy turned his head towards him and his lips parted for a little while. I awkwardly smiled at him. He cleared his throat.

“H-Hello,” he said. “There’s a market if you walk straight there,” he continued, pointing at the end of the road. “It’s a ten minute walk from here.”

I nodded. “Oh. Thank you!” I said. I was beginning to walk when I heard him talking, so I turned to look at him.

“I can walk with you if you want,” he said, smiling uneasily.

I shook my head. “No, thank you,” I said, immediately declining. I just didn’t feel comfortable talking with strangers. I guess Justin already got me jaded about meeting new people…

“But—”

“Siobhan.”

Our heads both turned when we heard Jasper speak. Agad na nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang mapansin ko na wala siyang suot na pang-itaas. Droplets of water were falling from his hair down to his body… And his face… he didn’t look happy.

And even my son was frowning—his arms were crossed over his chest.

“H-Hey,” I said. Why was I suddenly feeling nervous?! “Are you done swimming?”

But I felt like they didn’t hear me dahil pareho silang naka-tingin doon sa lalaki na kausap ko kanina. What the hell was happening?! Bibili lang naman ako ng lulutuin!

“Where are you going, Mommy?” JJ asked. He was asking me, but he was looking at the guy. I sighed. He always does this! Kahit nung nasa Paris pa kami, whenever he’d see a guy talking to me, it’s like he’s got this protective mode and he’d do everything to drive the guy away. Parang extended member siya ng Protection Squad.

I looked at the guy and awkwardly smiled at him. “I’m sorry,” I said before I pulled JJ and Jasper away bago pa may kung anong mangyari. I dragged them back to the rest house we were renting. “What was that?!”

“Who was that?!” JJ snapped back.

I groaned. “JJ!”

“Mommy!”

I pulled my hair because JJ’s frustrating me! I looked at Jasper for help, but his brows were still creased. What was his problem din?!

“JJ, that was very disrespectful,” I told him. Hindi pwede na ganito siya palagi. I knew that since it was only the two of us, I kinda let him do whatever he wants… but it’s different now. Nasa Pilipinas na kami. Marami siyang kamag-anak dito. This attitude wouldn’t work here.

JJ crossed his arms again. “You’re being disrespectful, too, Mommy. How can you talk to some other guy when my Daddy’s here?”

Agad na nanlaki ang mga mata ko. What the fuck was happening?!

My lips were parted widely. Words escaped me. But bago ko pa man maka-usap muli si JJ, he already marched back in his room, and slammed the door after him.

“What’s happening?” I asked, looking at Jasper for answers to my questions. Jasper was intently looking at me. “And please…” I said, once again remembering that he’s standing before me topless! My God! Ano bang nangyayari sa Zambales?! “Wear something.”

But it seemed like my words were lost in oblivion because Jasper didn’t even move an inch matapos kong sabihin ang mga salita na iyon. He was still staring at me. And my eyes… my eyes couldn’t stop looking at his biceps. Ugh, Siobhan Margarette!

“Siobhan,” he said. I felt the hairs on my nape standing on their ends as I heard Jasper saying my name.

“W-What?” I asked, starting to feel my heart beating faster as I let myself get drowned in his eyes. I kept on reminding myself that whatever it was that I was feeling, it should stop…

He’s with Helene. And they had Kylie to take care of. I should know where I stand.

“Do you really still love me like you said?”

Agad na nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Where was he heading with this kind of question?!

“W-What?”

“Do you still love me?”

“Jasper—”

“Just answer.”

I took a step back. I needed room to breathe. And I needed not to look at that fucking body while he’s asking me questions like that!

“It’s not simple—”

“It’s simple. Ask me if I still love you,” he said.

Umiling ako. “No.”

“Siobhan—”

“Jasper, what are you doing? You said it yourself—you have Kylie and Helene to take care of. Gusto mo lang naman na maging maayos kayo ni JJ, ’di ba? I’m already working on it. You’ll get your son—”

“I don’t only want my son back. I want you back.”

My lips parted.

My heart began to race.

My entire system flipped.

“Jasper—”

He took a step forward, and with it, he took my breath away.

“For three years, I took care of them. I forgot about myself. I forgot about you. I felt guilty because it’s my fault that they’re like that—”

“Jasper…” I said, my heart breaking. Why did he keep on blaming himself for things that were out of his control? Helene wasn’t like that because of him. It was an accident. And Evan… He didn’t want Evan to die… Sigurado ako na kung pwede lang, Jasper would take the bullet for him…

“But I don’t want to spend the rest of my life sacrificing. I don’t want to be miserable. I want to be happy. You make me happy. You hurt me, but you’re still the one who’s making me happy.”

I could feel tears escaping my eyes as I stared at him while he was saying those words. It felt like my chest would explode from everything that he was making me feel.

“Jasper, it’s not just about us.”

“It’s about us. We’re the one who’s going to be in this relationship—not others. Stop thinking about them. Start thinking about us. You, me, and JJ.”

Hindi ako maka-sagot. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin. Masyadong mabilis.

“How about Kylie, Jasper? Gusto mo siyang ampunin, ’di ba?”

He nodded. “I want to… but only if it’s okay with you.”

“Jasper,” I said, my heart aching. “Don’t put that burden on me. If you want to adopt her, it’s fine with me. She’s Evan’s daughter. She’s family.”

Unti-unti siyang lumapit sa akin. Hinawakan niya ang mga kamay ko. Tinignan niya ako sa mga mata ko.

“You’re my family. You’re the only one that I’m willing to break the rules for. Siobhan… before you came back, I was willing to hate you for the rest of my life for leaving me like that… You promised to be with me. You promised to love me… but you left. You left when I needed you the most. You weren’t there when I lost my best friend.

“But you came back… The pain, the anger… They all disappeared just because you came back.”

He cupped my face and stared into my eyes.

“I’m gonna ask you again… Do you still love me?”

I closed my eyes as tears escaped from them, and nodded. “Yes.”

Chapter 48

#COMM

Chapter 48

“Let’s just tell him—” I said. I already lost track of time. We’re here, sitting on the sofa, looking at each other. Jasper’s sporting that look of fear on his face. Hindi ko alam kung bakit natatakot siya. We’re just gonna tell JJ that we’re already back together. If anything, I was pretty sure that JJ’s gonna be happy with that.

“Maybe talk to him first,” he said.

I arched my brow. “About what?”

“Me. If it’s okay with him…”

I let out a laugh. “Jasper, he’s your son. And seriously, kayang-kaya mo ngang tirisin si JJ! Why are you so afraid of him?” natatawang tanong ko. Iniwas ko iyong tingin ko sa biceps niya. Ugh! Since we’re back together, pwede ko na ba ulit na hawakan iyon? Jasper didn’t know, but I dreamed about his biceps! It was so weird! As in iyong biceps niya lang minsan ang napapanaginipan ko! Hindi kasama iyong mukha or anything—tanging biceps niya lang.

Jasper looked at me like I just suggested the most horrifying thing there was. “You’re really crazy, you know that?”

I stuck my tongue out. “You just cried to get this craziness back, Jasper. Who’s crazy now?”

A smile slowly dawned on his face. Nagulat ako nang hatakin niya ako palapit sa kanya. I quickly felt his arms wrapping around me like he didn’t want to let go. I bit my lower lip when I felt him kissing the top of my head.

“I love you,” I heard him whisper.

I clutched my hands against his chest. “I love you, too, First Lieutenant.”

“I quit already.”

“I know. But you’re still my First Lieutenant.”

He kissed the top of my head again. “And you’re still my Ma’am, “ sabi niya tapos kinilig ako. Ugh! I didn’t want to tell him, but it really makes me feel hot whenever he’d call me Ma’am. But I didn’t want to have kids with him again yet! Gusto ko magbond muna sila ni JJ… And Kylie pa. If Jasper’s gonna push through with the adoption, I needed to make Kylie like me… I’d love her like she’s my own.

“I have to go to the market pa,” I told him after we hugged for minutes. Nagugutom na ako. I was pretty sure gutom na rin si JJ, but because he’s dramatic, hindi siya maka-labas sa room to ask for food.

Jasper stood up. “What do you need? I’ll buy. Just try to get our son out of the room,” he said, and I wrinkled myself because I felt kilig nang sabihin niyang our son. I mean, sinasabi niya naman na iyon before… iba lang ngayon kasi okay na kami ulit…

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing,” I said, shaking my head. “Just ask what the ingredients are for Sinigang?” Gusto ko kasi na masanay si JJ na kumain ng Filipino food. Sa unit kasi ni Addie, puro delivery lang din kami…

Jasper nodded. I bit my lower lip dahil nagdala pa siya ng eco-bag bago siya lumabas. My environment-caring ex-soldier.

When Jasper was out, pinuntahan ko na si JJ. The door wasn’t locked. I saw him lying on his bed.

“Jasper Jr,” I called him.

“What?”

“Are you still mad?”

“Depends…”

“Depends on what?”

Naupo siya. He was looking at me, his arms crossed over his chest. Pinipilan ko na matawa because he seemed really serious.

“I only want my Daddy, Mommy. I’m mad at him now, but he’s my only Daddy.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “O…kay?”

“Can you please fix your problem with him, Mommy?” he asked, looking at me with his round eyes. “But if you really can’t…” he said, sighing. “It’s okay. I’d rather not have a complete family than to see you two fighting always.”

My lips parted. Sometimes, I felt like I was talking to a much older person whenever JJ’s being like this… Hindi ko alam if it’s because kaming dalawa lang sa Paris before kaya ang bilis niyang nagmature… but I wanted him to be a kid. I wanted him to have a normal childhood. I didn’t want him to have problems like this one.

Naupo ako sa tabi niya. I messed with his hair. “Baby…” I called. “Your Daddy and I are okay.”

His face lightened. “Really?”

I nodded. “When we go back to Manila, we’re gonna live with him.”

“But what about Aunt Helene?” tanong niya. “And Kylie?” he asked in a much lower voice.

I looked at him. “Well… if your Dad’s gonna adopt Kylie, is it okay with you?” I asked. He looked at me like he wasn’t full able to comprehend what I just said. “If Kylie’s gonna be your sister… if she’s gonna live with us, is that okay?”

“Where is her Mommy?”

My heart began to ache, but I put on a brave face in front of JJ. I didn’t want to involve him in the past. I struggled so hard to run away from that…

“Her Mommy’s gone… And so is her Daddy… So, if it’s okay with you, your Daddy’s gonna be her Daddy… And if she wants, I can also be her Mommy,” I explained. I could feel my heart beating erratically as I waited for his answer. As much as I wanted to adopt Kylie, I wanted to put JJ’s needs first… I wanted him to be okay with this. His needs come before anything else.

“Hmm… okay. I can share,” sabi niya. I immediately pulled him into a hug. “Mommy!” reklamo niya, but I didn’t let go. He’s really the biggest blessing I got in my life!

---

JJ and I played while we’re waiting for Jasper. Kung hindi pa ako lumingon sa pintuan, ’di ko pa mapapansin na kanina pa pala siya doon. I stood up and helped him with the bags he’s carrying.

“Kanina ka pa?”

He nodded. “Yeah…” he said, trying miserably to hide the smile on his face. I smiled at him, too. I knew what he was feeling because that’s exactly what I was feeling. I love us being like this… Masaya ako na pamilya na kami… This was perfect. This was home.

“I talked to JJ,” sabi ko habang sinusundan ko siya papunta sa kusina.

“And?” he asked. Even with a single word, I could feel how nervous he was. Lihim akong napa-ngiti. Our little guy really got Jasper wrapped around his fingers.

“Before I even told him about us, he told me that you’re his only Daddy,” sabi ko sa kanya. Kita ko iyong muling pagpipigil ng ngiti ni Jasper. But my First Lieutenant was quick to make his face passive again. Arte talaga. Alam na kung saan nagmana si JJ. “And he’s okay with Kylie.”

“Really?”

I nodded. “Yeah. But I think you should talk with Helene first… maybe she wants to take care of Kylie,” sabi ko. Syempre, Kylie’s her niece… With her sister gone, she only has Kylie left… Hindi ko alam kung papayag ba siya na ganitong kukunin ni Jasper si Kylie.

After that, Jasper and I cooked. I really didn’t know how to cook sinigang dahil wala namang ganyang ingredients sa Paris. But I could vaguely remember how it was cooked. Napa-ngiti na lang ako. I remember watching Manang as she cooked our meals since Jasper’s really paranoid about what he eats.

Good times.

“Jasper,” I called. “Kellan and Nico… where are they?” I asked.

I tried to look calm, but deep inside, I was worried. Hindi ko pa talaga tanggap iyong nangyari kay Evan… Kinakabahan ako kung ano ang nangyari kina Kellan and Nico… I hope they’re fine…

Jasper was stirring the pot. “They’re still with PSG. They’re with your brother.”

“Sino’ng kapatid?” I asked. Alam niya naman na marami akong kapatid! I hope hindi kay Psalm because papasakitin ni Psalm ang ulo nilang dalawa. It’s much better if si Cohen because I think sa aming magkakapatid, siya ang pinaka-madaling bantayan.

“Cohen.”

I heaved out a sigh of relief. While I was waiting for Jasper to finish cooking, nag-isip na ako. Okay na kami ni Jasper… Maybe it’s time for me to finally introduce JJ to the family… Alam naman na ng parents ko… I just have to woo my brothers because I was pretty sure that they’d be a bit mad dahil hindi nila alam iyong about kay JJ…

I have a lot of people to meet. I needed to meet the whole family. I needed to talk to Kellan and Nico. And si Kylie. I have a lot to do, but it made me happy… It made me feel like I was finally home. For real.

“JJ, food’ ready,” I called. He quickly shuffled towards us. He looked at the food weirdly. “Your Dad cooked.”

“What’s that?”

“Sinigang.”

“Sinigang?” inulit niya. He should start learning Filipino. It’s my fault. I only talked to him in English while we were in Paris. He only knows English and French. Abuelo’s gonna get mad na hindi sanay si JJ magsalita ng Spanish.

JJ found the taste weird at first, but since he’s Filipino, he later on enjoyed it. Kaming dalawa lang ang kumakain because Jasper’s just awkwardly staring at us. Nailang tuloy akong kumain dahil pinapanood niya kami! This was probably how he felt back then nung ako naman iyong sobrang fascinated kapag kumakain siya.

We stayed for another day before we decided to go back. Jasper wanted to stay longer because he’s really enjoying spending time with JJ, but I knew that there were things that we needed to prioritize.

“We’ll come back there if you want,” I told him. I could see him stealing glances at JJ who’s sleeping at the back. “If it’s okay with you, do you want to come with us? I’ll introduce JJ to the family…”

I waited for his answer. I didn’t know if he’s okay with Abuelo… I didn’t tell him before… I knew that Jasper’s conditioned to follow orders, but hindi ko na alam kung ano ngayon… He lost me… JJ… Evan… Maybe his perspective about following orders changed already.

“Yes, of course,” he replied.

I bit my lower lip. “Okay.”

He looked at me. “Why?”

“Nothing.”

“What’s bothering you?” he pressed on. I hated how he just knows if something’s bothering me… It made it really hard for me to keep things to myself…

“Kasi… si Abuelo… I don’t know if you’re okay with him given the fact that he’s the reason why Justin had such a hold on me…”

Kita ko kung paano humigpit ang hawak niya sa manibela. Maybe I shouldn’t have brought this up yet. Kakaayos lang namin. We still had a lot of things to take care of…

“It’s all in the past—”

“Yeah, but—”

“He’s your family. Whatever happened before, let’s leave it there. I know you love your family, and I promise to love the people you love,” he said, and then looked at me briefly.

I reached for his face and caressed his cheek with my thumb. “Thank you, Jasper.”

He caught my hand and kissed my knuckle. “Anything for you, Ma’am.”

I wrinkled my nose. He’s back at making me feel kilig again! I really feel like a teenager around Jasper! This was one of the things that didn’t change!

“Where are we?” I asked when he stopped at an unfamiliar building. Hindi agad siya sumagot kasi binuhat niya si JJ na hanggang ngayon, tulog pa rin. Pinagpagan ko iyong buhok ni JJ. Kanina pa ako kung saan-saan nakakakita ng buhangin!

“My place.”

I quietly followed him. It felt like he took a different elevator since isa lang iyong button. I had half a heart to ask him if he’s staying in the penthouse, but my question was answered when a whole floor opened when the elevator stopped.

“After we get married, I’ll sell this and we can buy a house,” he said while he’s still carrying JJ in his arms.

“Married?”

“That’s where we’re headed, right?” he asked, and when I didn’t answer immediately, he looked at me, his face alarmed. “Siobhan?”

“Isn’t it… fast?” I asked. We just got back together. We still had a lot of problems we needed to address…

“It’s already five years too late,” he said.

“Jasper—”

“Siobhan Margarette Sison Gomez de Liaño,” he said, making me feel chills crawl all over my body as he said my whole name. “Please… please marry me?”

I bit my lower lip. “Nasaan iyong singsing?”

“Well, I don’t have—”

“Tss. Magpo-propose ka, walang singsing?”

“I didn’t even know that we’re gonna get back together—”

I walked past him. “Propose when you have a ring, Jasper.”

“But you’re gonna say yes, right?”

“Show me the ring first.”

“We already have a son!”

“So?”

“Do you want to add another child, Siobhan Margarette?” he asked, looking serious. Malaki pa naman iyong penthouse! JJ couldn’t help me!

I laughed. I love seeing him frustrated. I love seeing him all riled up. I love my First Lieutenant. And maybe he’s right… It’s already five years too late…

Chapter 49

#COMM

Chapter 49

I talked to my parents. They said that they already organized a dinner where all the family would be present. Kinakabahan ako. We got a huge family. I have only a few cousins, but lots of second cousins. And some of them already have kids! I was so nervous!

“What should we bring?” Jasper asked. He wanted to go out to buy gifts for my parents. I told him that it wasn’t necessary, but he’s adamant on buying a present.

Ayoko kasing lumabas… I still didn’t feel comfortable about going out. Back in Paris, I was still hesitant to go out. I felt like even though I was literally in the other side of the world, still, Justin could find a way to get to me…

It’s scary.

And tiring.

I didn’t want to live this way. I didn’t want to continue living while watching over my shoulders. I didn’t want to be scared all my life.

But I couldn’t tell Jasper about this. I didn’t want to talk about Justin… but a part of me was telling me that how would I ever get over Justin when I’d just keep on running from him? I knew that one day, I’d have to confront him. I’d have to finish whatever business I had left with him.

“My Dad likes Scotch Whisky,” I mentioned. “My mom likes paintings. But seriously, don’t sweat this too much. It’s not like they’ll be surprised with JJ naman…”

“I wanna make a good impression.”

“Why? They know you.”

“Exactly. They hired me to take care of you…”

“E? You’re taking care of me naman.”

“I was hired to take care of you, then I got you pregnant.”

My eyes widened. “Jasper! Ano ba ’yan! You talk as if we weren’t in a relationship when JJ was made!”

I was thankful that JJ’s not with us. Hindi ko nga rin alam kung ano ang nakain ni Addie. She told us that she wanted to take JJ with her. I trusted her naman since I was sure that she wouldn’t harm JJ. Okay lang din since I was gone all day yesterday with my cousins.

Jasper and I strolled around the mall. He couldn’t decide on what he’d buy! Natatawa na ako sa kanya because he’s really effing nervous! I mean, he used to be a soldier. He goes to war, for heaven’s sake! Pero dito, kabadong-kabado siya? He’s such a mystery.

We were walking when his phone rang.

“Answer it,” I told him. For the past few days, he’s skipping work. I kinda felt bad kasi syempre work is work… but he’s adamant on spending time with JJ and me. Hindi ko nga alam kung ano ang naging usapan nila. All I knew was that his Mom’s taking care of it. Iyong Dad kasi ni Jasper iyong sa military. Jasper promised to introduce us as soon as I introduce him to my family. Naninigurado talaga.

I took a few steps away from him habang may kasaup siya. It’s still his privacy. Besides, I had my phone with me naman, so if I get too distracted while strolling around, he could call me.

I went to this boutique. I kinda had the urge to buy cute dresses for Addie! She dresses like a boy, seriously! The only instances where she’d look like a girl is kapag may formal occasion where our attendance are mandatory. Other than that, she looked like a lumberjack.

“My favorite playmate’s back.”

I felt my whole body freezing as I heard the familiar voice.

“Aren’t you gonna say hi?”

My chest began to tighten as my mind started to go haywire. I kept on telling myself to run, but my feet betrayed me as they stayed on the ground, unable to move even an inch.

“Justin…” I mumbled as I stared right at his face. I wanted to run. I wanted to hide from him… but it was too late now. He’s here. He knew I was back.

“You ran away from me,” he said. “I wasn’t done then with you.”

“Justin, please,” I begged. “What do you want from me? Wala naman akong ginagawa sa ’yo…”

I didn’t know what his problem was with me. Wala akong ginagawa sa kanya. Wala akong maalala na ginawa ko sa kanya. I wanted to apologize if there’s anything I did wrong, but I really couldn’t think of anything. So, how would I fix it if there’s nothing to be fixed? If he’s really just hell-bent on destroying my life just for the heck of it?

“I followed what you wanted. I broke up with Jasper. What more do you want from me?”

I wanted to go. For once, I was thankful that JJ wasn’t with me. I didn’t want Justin to see him. I didn’t want to give him the idea of other ways to hurt me. Tama na na ako iyong pinaglalaruan niya. I’d fucking kill him if he even dare involve JJ in his sick games.

“Why are you back? Did you come back to get together with that soldier?”

Fuck. I could feel my phone vibrating. I hid it on my back. I was afraid that Justin would see that Jasper was calling me.

“N-No.”

“Liar,” he spat out. He took a step forward, making me halt breathing. I just… I just feared him, and I hated it. I hated feeling weak. I hated how he had such control over me. I hated how I allow him to. “I’ll find out soon enough. Until then, have fun.”

Hindi ako maka-galaw sa kinatatayuan ko. Pinanood ng mga mata ko hanggang sa unti-unti siyang mawala sa paningin ko. I felt like air left my body. I couldn’t breathe. I felt like my entire body was shaking with fear that I only could feel when he’s around.

“Siobhan.”

I still couldn’t breathe.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

Jasper was looking at me, his eyes were asking questions, but all I wanted to do was to leave. I wanted to leave again. I didn’t care if I was a coward. All I wanted was to be safe. I just wanted my baby to be as far away from that monster.

I begged my entire system to walk. To run. But all I could do was to stare at Jasper and ask for pity.

“I wanna go home.”

I couldn’t even hear my voice. I felt so small.

“Okay,” he said, looking at me softly. Jasper carried me in his arms. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even feel my knees. I just wanted to go home and see my baby.

I buried my face in his chest as I felt how fast he was walking. I wanted to tell him to hide because Justin might see us, but I didn’t have to heart to talk about him anymore. Even seeing him drained everything I had in me.

“Tell me what happened,” he said as soon as we reached his car. I didn’t answer. I just wanted to go away and pretend that this never happened. Pakiramdam ko ay sasabog ang puso ko sa sobrang bilis ng patibok niya. I thought… I thought I was finally fine… That I was finally in control of my system after years of being away…

Little did I know that it only takes one minute with him to destroy everything I worked so hard to build.

“Is it Justin?”

My heart constricted. I saw how Jasper’s hands tightened around the steering wheel.

“Did you see him?” he asked. I couldn’t reply. He turned to look at me. “Siobhan… did you see him?”

I looked at his eyes, afraid of myself because I was feeling it again… I was feeling the urge to run and hide again… and it wasn’t fair… it wasn’t fair for Jasper…

“Y-Yes.”

“Shit,” he cursed and cupped my face. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. Did he do anything?” he asked, checking my face and my arms to see if I was hurt anywhere.

But Justin never hurt me physically… what he did was worse. He played with my mind. He tortured me mentally. He made me feel and think that I would lose people whom I love… It’s just the worst thing anyone could ever do to me… Making me feel like the people I love would die because of me…

“Jasper…” I said, my voice sounded as little as when I asked him to break up with me years ago. “I wanted to go back to Paris.”

His eyes widened—his eyes began to reflect fear.

“No,” he quickly replied. The rational side of him quickly vanished, and all that’s left was the man who was afraid to get left behind again. “You’re not leaving me again. I’ll fucking kill him if that happens again. I’m serious. I’ll fucking kill him.”

I could feel bile rising up to my throat.

“W-We can leave… You and I… And Kylie… We can take her,” I said. “It’s safer there, Jasper. I can’t live here. I can’t always worry about Justin. It will kill me. I will die with worry. I will always worry if ever he’ll get bored enough and want to mess with my life again… I don’t want that.”

Jasper’s jaw clenched. “Why are you letting him terrorize you like that?”

I could feel tears welling in my eyes. “Hindi ko alam… Natatakot ako sa kanya. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Kasi alam ko na madali lang matapos ang buhay. It only takes a bullet to end a life, Jasper… Like what happened with Evan. A whole fucking life ended just like that. And what if it happens to you? To JJ? I can’t risk it. I didn’t risk it before and I refuse to risk it now.”

I watched as his shoulders heaved up and down. I wanted to convince him to just leave… It’s the easier choice… It’s the safer choice…

“Did you tell your family?” I nodded. “And?”

Painfully, I smiled at him. “You’ll be surprised what influence can do to people, Jasper… Politics is a dirty, dirty world,” I said, remembering how my own grandparents let this shit happen to me.

The election? They won. But me? They fucking lost me.

“Jasper, you don’t—”

“I’ll go wherever you go. That’s the deal, Siobhan,” he said before he started the engine of his car.

“W-Where are we going?”

I felt scared. He looked… mad. Different kind of mad. The kind of mad that made me believe that he’d do anything to win.

“You say politics is a dirty game, right? It’s time to dig the skeletons in their closets,” he said as he stared head on. “I won’t let that fucking asshole terrorize you for one more day. Not in my watch.”

Chapter 50

#COMM

Chapter 50

“What are you doing?” I asked as I saw him dialing his father’s number.

“What I should’ve done a long time ago,” he said. I could feel my heart beating faster by the second, but with the way Jasper held my hand, I couldn’t help but feel secured. Pakiramdam ko… pakiramdam ko walang pwedeng manakit sa akin.

He told me before that he’d do anything to protect me…

And I believe him.

I believe him with all that I am.

“Dad,” I heard him say. “I need something.”

My whole body began to tremble with an unimaginable feeling.

“I’ll text you the address. I will contact Mom, too. I need you two to be civil. At least for now,” he quickly added before he ended the call. The call didn’t even last for a minute, but it felt… so heavy. It felt like my whole world was about to turn upside down with this.

“Jasper, what are you doing? I asked again. I wanted to know what he was up to. I knew I was weak. I knew I was scared… but I wanted to help. Kasi kasalanan ko naman kung bakit kami nandito. It was my fault that this lasted this long… kung hindi ako naduwag dati, wala na sana kami ngayon…

But I made a hard decision. I chose JJ. But it wasn’t late to makeup for being a coward. I hope it wasn’t too late…

“Finishing this once and for all.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t want to run away, Siobhan. If we run now, we’ll run forever. I don’t want that for you. This is your country. You shouldn’t leave just because of him.”

My lips were pursed together. He was right. It was my choice to run.

“Are your parents home?” he asked.

“I… I don’t know,” I said.

“Can you call them? And your grandparents.”

“Jasper—”

But my words were cut off when I felt him holding my hand. He held my hand, and without words, he told me that he got this.

And I knew it in my heart… he got this.

---

My heart was beating dangerously fast when we arrived at home. When I saw familiar cars in the driveway, I knew that I was in for a long night. I knew that this wouldn’t be pretty, but this was needed.

Jasper got this. All I needed to do was to have his back.

“Ready?” he asked as the car pulled over.

I looked at him and smiled. “Ready,” I said although the only thing that I could feel in my heart was fear.

I could feel my knees shaking, but I held on to Jasper for strength. Habang papalapit kami ay nagsisimula ko nang marinig ang boses ng mga tao. I was glad that we didn’t bring JJ with us… I wanted everyone to be briefed when they meet him. I didn’t want JJ to be part of the confusion.

“Maggie.”

Agad na nalipat ang tingin sa amin nang tawagin ang pangalan ko ni Mama. I smiled at all of them. I immediately turned my gaze to my grandparents. I could see Abuela’s forehead creasing at the sight of Jasper standing beside me. I forced a smile. Why was she like this? She told me before that we’re all making sacrifices for the family… pero bakit ganito? Ayaw niya ba akong maging masaya?

“What is this about?” Abuela asked. My grandfather was sitting quietly, as if he was assessing the situation. He has always been like this, so calculating… No wonder sila ni Abuela ang nagka-tuluyan. They’re like this so fucking calculating couple—would do anything to stay above the rest.

“If you won’t mind, I’d like to wait for my parents.”

“Your parents?” Abuela asked.

Jasper nodded. “Yes, Ma’am. There are some matters that we need to discuss.”

Pakiramdam ko ay unti-unti akong nauubusan ng hininga dahil sa mga nangyayari. Ni wala pang isang minuto na nandito kami, pero pakiramdam ko ay tumanda na ako dahil sa tensyon sa paligid.

Jasper had to pull me with him para gumalaw ako sa kinatatayuan ko. We took the vacant spot near my parents. I could feel my Mom’s eyes on me. I wanted to look at her and ask for help, but with my grandparents watching my every move, it felt like I was frozen on my spot.

It was as if I could hear the imaginary hands of the clock slowly moving. Parang gusto ko na lang na dumating na agad ang magulang ni Jasper.

I wanted to get this over with.

This thing.

This fucking Justin shit.

I just wanted that normal and domesticated life with Jasper.

“What is this about?” Abuelo’s voice made me feel shiver across my spine. I hated making him mad… only because I fear him. And I knew that that was wrong. I wasn’t supposed to fear him because he’s family… yet here I was, trembling at the mere sound of his voice.

No one answered.

“Siobhan Margarette?”

Agad kong naramdaman ang kamay ni Jasper. He was holding my hand as if he was telling me that it’s gonna be okay.

“It’s about Justin Ramirez.”

My heart began to pound wildly again. I hated that the mere mention of his name gave me this kind of reaction. I hated to think that he managed to condition me to fear him this much.

“What about him?” Abuelo asked Jasper. He was looking at Jasper like he was trying to remember who he was… “You’re that soldier, right?” he asked.

Jasper was about to nod, but I didn’t want a rehash of the past. I wanted to forget about that nightmare. I wanted to move forward. And the only way to move forward is for me to control this shit.

“Justin is blackmailing me, Abuelo,” I said, staring at his eyes. I wanted him to feel the fear that I was feeling. Apo rin naman niya ako. Bakit wala silang pakielam sa akin? They used me for political gains before, baka naman pwede na magkaroon naman sila ng pakielam ngayon.

“Maggie!” Dad roared. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

I fisted my knuckle. “I just saw him again today. He threatened me,” I said, but my eyes remained on Abuelo. “What should I do, Abuelo? Should I run away again? Kasi ’di ba election na naman next year?”

I knew I was probably digging my grave right now, but I had this sudden urge to let out all the frustration and anger they made me feel over the year! Kung sana mas pinili nila ako dati, hindi sana kami aabot sa ganito! They fucking drove me away to hide just to win that fucking election!

“No one is leaving,” Dad said.

Abuelo remained silent. I could feel my heart in my throat.

“I’m sure it’s just a big misunderstanding,” Abuela said.

My lips parted. I was about to ask her what the fuck was so wrong with her that she’s choosing to side with that animal instead of me, her family, when the sound of the door opening got our attention.

I haven’t met Jasper’s family… I had only seen pictures. Alam ko na matagal ng hiwalay ang mga magulang niya. His mother couldn’t bear the stress of being married to a soldier, so they broke up as quickly as they got married.

Jasper stood up, but he was holding my hand so tightly that he pulled me up with him.

“Ma, Pa,” Jasper said. I felt relief as I saw them. I didn’t even know them… but for some reason, I felt like they would have my back unlike my own family.

Alam ko na poprotektahan ako ng mga magulang ko… but Dad has been telling me that he’d fix this, but this remained broken. I knew that he couldn’t just say no to Abuelo. This family was complicated. It just looked good looking from the outside but inside, it’s so fucking complicated.

You have to take into consideration the feelings of other people just for fucking connections.

“I’m sorry we’re late,” Jasper’s mother formally said. She looked like a businesswoman from head to toe. While Jasper’s father… he’s quite scary without even saying a word.

“We haven’t been formally introduced yet,” Jasper’s mother continued. “I am Janine de Vera, Jasper’s mother, and this is my ex-husband,” she said, sounding as if Jasper’s father didn’t matter. I bit my lip as I tried to remind myself that this was a serious situation.

“I have been briefed about the situation,” she said in a no-non-sense tone.

Agad akong napa-tingin kay Jasper. What the fuck was happening? This went from being a family drama to being a business meeting.

“What is happening?” I whispered in Jasper’s ear.

“Negotiation.”

“What?”

I felt him caressing my hand with his thumb. “My mom’s a great businesswoman. She’ll take care of this.”

“Are you sure?”

Jasper softly smiled at me. “Yes, I am sure. If you leave, I leave. And she’ll never let me leave the country.”

“Jasper is my only child and there’s no way that I’d allow him to leave this country,” she began, and then laid out three folders on the table. “If your family won’t stop that lunatic from bothering my son and his family—”

Agad na kumunot ang noo ni Abuela. “Family?”

Natawa ang nanay ni Jasper. “Oh… you didn’t know?” she asked in a mocking tone. Oh, my god. “His name’s JJ and he’s wonderful,” she said as if iniinggit niya si Abuela. Abuela looked at me in shock and betrayal. What did she fucking expect?!

“Back to what I was saying, Jasper leaving the country is not an option. I have been informed that you don’t want to upset the Ramirez because election is upcoming and your grandson, Maven, is vying for a seat in the Senate. And I am pretty sure, later on, the presidency.”

What the fuck?!

I knew that one day, Maven’s gonna be in the politics, too, but this soon?!

“I have a proposal, so that we all get what we want.”

I looked around and saw that Jasper’s mom got my grandparents’ and parents’ attention. This was confusing.

“You want to remain as allies with the Ramirez. Their lunatic son, for some reason, enjoys torturing my son. I have talked to them prior, but since this Justin is kind of the only son remaining since the other two are technically away, they let him get away with anything,” she explained.

What was happening? I didn’t understand anything at all.

“What do you propose?” Abuelo asked. My lips parted.

Shit. He’s actually considering this.

“Personally? I’d like to use their game against them—blackmail,” she said and then pointed at the folders in front of her. “Each folder’s for their respective sons, but since you do not want to make an enemy, I propose that we give them what they want, and in turn, they promise to keep a leash around their son.”

“And what do they want?” Abuelo asked again.

My heart began to beat so wildly that I felt like it was going to explode. Tahimik akong naghintay sa susunod na sasabihin nila.

“Their son, Nathan, out,” she said without skipping a beat. “He is currently serving his sentence. Work your magic, Mr. President.”

Epilogue

#COMM

Epilogue

Time has passed since that day, but I still couldn’t forget what I did—what I bargained to get this life that I wanted for my family…

“Nathan?” I asked. “Who’s this Nathan?”

Everyone in the room was silent.

It almost felt like everyone was in on the secret except me…

“Is that it?” Abuelo asked.

Jasper’s mom nodded. “He already suffered enough. I say we give them what they want and call it a night.”

I was slowly feeling the frustration building inside me. No one was answering my question! Who the fuck was that Nathan? Bakit kailangang lumaya siya bago ako tigilan ni Justin?! Wala naman akong ginagawa sa hayop na ’yun!

“Who’s Nathan? And why does he have to get out for Justin to stop bothering me?”

Everyone’s attention went to me. I was breathing deeply. This was so frustrating.

“Okay, let’s give them what they want,” Abuela answered, ignoring my question.

“What the hell?! Are you all really going to ignore me?!” hindi ko napigilan na sigaw sa kanila. I didn’t care anymore if they’d think that I was disrespectful, but this concerned me! Bakit kailangan ni Nathan na maka-labas sa kulungan? He’s in jail, so must’ve done something wrong! The idea of him being free because of me didn’t sit well with my conscience!

“Ma? Pa?” I asked, but even them could only give me a pitied look. Fuck this politics!

“Sweetie,” Jasper’s mom said, “It’s either this or Justin continues to bother you. You can’t get both. This is how the world works.”

Everyday, I tried to ignore that nagging feeling inside me. Naka-nood ko sa bawat paggalaw ng kaso ni Nathan. I watched as he got out of jail. I watched as a woman cried while Nathan got back his freedom.

All because I was selfish enough to choose myself.

I wanted to forget it.

I wanted to get rid of this guilt.

I wanted to at least alleviate it.

“Mommy, where are you going?” JJ asked as I put a folder inside my bag. There was a name there—Kieran Ramirez.

I smiled at him. “Mommy’s meeting someone.”

JJ nodded innocently, unaware of everything that happened. And I wanted it to stay that way. At least, for him.

“Okay,” he said, nodding and smiling. “Jeanne’s performance starts at 3pm,” he reminded.

I laughed. “Of course I wouldn’t miss your sister’s ballet performance,” I said, tousling his hair. Sobrang protective ni JJ sa kapatid niya. I love seeing him all protective. Habang lumalaki si JJ, mas lalo niyang nagiging kaugali ang tatay niya. But I hope that he wouldn’t go to military like his dad… ikamamatay ko yata ang pag-aalala.

I quickly went out after I grabbed everything. I didn’t tell Jasper that I’d be doing this… heck, I didn’t tell anything that after all these years, it was still bothering me so badly.

My whole body was trembling as I made way to the coffee shop. Mabilis kong iniayos ang suot ko. No one could know that it’s me. I didn’t want to start a fight with the Ramirez again, but I also couldn’t sleep at night knowing that another innocent woman was being used as a pawn in this stupid game.

Nathan Ramirez got out because of me.

Because I wanted out from Justin’s sick game, a murderer got out.

The least I could do to alleviate my conscience was this…

“Hi,” I said when I saw the face of one of the lawyers in the case. I was thankful that he arrived early. I needed to give this as quickly as possible. I knew I shouldn’t be connected to this, but I couldn’t stop myself… lalo na kung alam ko na may magagawa ako.

He stood up, but I motioned him to remain seated. I adjusted the big sunglasses that I was wearing. I was probably attracting more attention now.

“I’m Jax Yuchengco, the lawyer of Katherine Ramirez,” he said. I merely nodded. I was feeling conscious about my surroundings. I didn’t want a rerun of the past, but this was something that I needed to do.

I slid the envelop towards him. “That’s a file on Kieran Ramirez,” I said, trying my best to disguise my voice. I shouldn’t really be here!

“Who are you?”

“Not important,” I replied and stood up.

“Why are you doing this?” he prodded.

I looked at him. Naaawa ako sa kanya… sa kanila… sa lahat ng mga tao na naiipit dahil sa politika… It’s such a dirty world that sometimes, I wonder if the money and power were worth all the madness that come with it.

“The enemy of my enemy is my friend,” I simply replied. “I hope you get her out,” I said before I quickly went out of the door and got myself a cab. I told him to drop me off a mall and from there, I walked around and bought a new set of clothes before going out and taking another cab. I was paranoid… but better paranoid that to have another Ramirez on my tail.

Mabilis akong nakarating sa recital ni Jeanne.

“Where’s JJ?” I asked Jasper upon seeing him sitting alone.

“Backstage. He wants to get some footage of the last minute practice,” he said. Agad akong napa-ngiti. Sobrang kuya na talaga si JJ… Ang bilis ng panahon. “Where were you?”

I looked at Jasper, debating if I should tell him what I did. But as I stared at him, I realized that that part of our life was over… It’s been years and the Ramirez family made good on their promise. Hindi na kami ginulo ni Justin. I knew he badly wanted to mess with me still, but they were right that if we give them what they wanted, they’d put a leash on Justin.

It was over.

And I already helped an innocent woman out.

That should be enough…

“Went to the mall to buy something,” I said. Jasper arched his brow, so I brought out a paper bag. “We’re going to Kylie’s birthday tomorrow, right?” paalala ko sa kanya. Alam ko na magtatanong siya. Being married to Jasper, I knew that he’s curious about everything related to me. It’s not that he didn’t trust me… it’s just that after everything, deep inside, he’s still scared.

Jasper ended up not adopting Kylie. Si Helene ang nag-alaga sa kanya. Helene and Jasper still weren’t completely okay, and I understood that. But they’re civil because Kylie still treats Jasper as her father. JJ and Jeanne always visit her since hindi pwede na si Kylie ang pumunta sa amin dahil maiiwan mag-isa si Helene.

It all worked out fine.

He was about to ask me something again, but the lights went off and soft music began to serenade our ears.

“She’s so cute,” I heard Jasper say as we watched our little girl dance in her tutu. I could see happiness in his eyes. I smiled to myself.

“She looks like you. Why do our children always look like you?” I whispered.

“Probably because you love me more?” he jested.

I wrinkled my nose. “Yeah, right. Keep telling yourself that,” I said, but then I felt his arm wrapping around my shoulders.

“Are you ready to get pregnant again?”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. “What? I thought okay ka na sa tatlo?” I asked. Minsan nga kapag sabay-sabay ang meetings para kina Kylie, Jeanne, and JJ, ’di alam ni Jasper kung saan unang pupunta… tapos gusto pa niya ng isa?

Jasper shrugged. “The more, the merrier, right?” he replied, but I frowned. “Fine. If you don’t want another baby, then I’ll just make you my baby,” he whispered into my ears, and that was followed by JJ making a gagging sound.

“Get a room,” he said, rolling his eyes.

Jasper and I laughed. We continued to act sweet in front of JJ, while our son continued to beg us to stop. I couldn’t stop giggling. I have decided that this was the end of that chapter in our lives.