About The Story

(Game Series # 4) Charisse Faith Viste believes in working hard. She does not believe in luck, only hard work. Bata pa lang siya, nasanay na siya na pinaghihirapan lahat ng meron siya. Being the only girl in a family full of guys, nasanay na siya na kung gusto niyang makuha, kailangan niyang pagtrabahuhan. And because of this, she grew up tough. She already accepted the fact that guys are just too intimidated to even give her a second glance. She’ll always be too smart, too confident, too much for everyone.

One day, she had this overwhelming feeling of sadness. She looked around and saw that everyone around her has someone by their side… Everyone has someone to embrace… Siya? Libro lang ang kayakap.

She used to be fine with the idea of being alone… alone, not lonely.

But not anymore.

She needed someone to stop her from feeling so lonely.

Chapter 00

#CTG00 Chapter 00

“I’m done. Ayoko na. Itigil na natin.”

I looked at him and nodded. “Okay.”

His jaw clenched like he didn’t like what he heard from me. What was he expecting? That I’d beg him to stay? Why would I? I perfectly knew what I got myself into.

“That’s it? Hindi mo man lang ako pipigilan?”

“Ano ka? Bata?”

His lips parted at my response. I reached for my bag and was preparing to leave. I shouldn’t even be here with him. Ayoko na nakikita kami sa publikong lugar. Hindi naman sa nakakahiya siya kasama, pero ayoko lang na makita kaming magkasama. The law community is surprisingly small… Ang bilis kumalat ng balita.

“It was nice while it lasted, Iñigo,” I said before I stood up and left. Mabilis kong inisip kung ano ba iyong mga dapat kong gawin ngayong araw. I just passed the BAR and I had five job offers from law firms. I wanted to study them well because when I commit to something, I give it my one hundred percent. Ayoko lang na mapunta ako sa trabaho na hindi ko gusto.

I was doing a mental list of the pros of accepting the offer from the Palma & Palma Law Firm when I felt someone holding my arm. Agad akong napa-hinto.

“What?” I asked him.

“Seriously? You won’t even ask me why?” he asked, frustrated.

“No. You asked. I gave you what you want. Ang gulo mo.”

He was breathing deeply. I could see it by the aggressive rising and falling of his shoulders. I could never understand him… But maybe it’s because I never really did try… I knew this was just a temporary arrangement. I needed company and he owed me. That’s just it.

“My God!” he exclaimed.

“What do you want?”

“I want you to fight for me!”

Natawa ako. “Seriously?”

“Shit, Cha! Robot ka ba?!”

Hindi ko mapigilan ang pagtawa ko. Was he seriously mad at me for giving him what he wanted? Siya itong nagsabi na ayaw niya na… tapos magagalit siya sa akin at sasabihin na gusto niyang ipaglaban ko siya? He’s nuts.

“You said you’re done—”

“I’m done with this game! I want this to be real!”

I pursed my lips as I stared at him. “But I don’t want that.”

His lips parted. He looked so surprise. Did he really think that I feel something for him? Malinaw naman ’yung usapan namin. Hindi naman kami batang dalawa.

“Do you want me to forward to you the copy of the contract? The one that you signed? And I got notarized?”

“What the fuck?! You got that notarized?!”

I nodded. “Yes. Do you want me to send you a copy? Para maalala mo kung ano ’yung usapan?”

He combed his fingers through his hair with palpable frustration. I could never really understand men… They’re weird… They do one thing and mean another. I wish they’d just tell me what they really want. I hate wasting time like this.

“Charisse Faith Viste,” he said, staring into my eyes. “Date me. Please.”

“No.”

“Why not?!”

“I don’t like you that way.”

“Why? Because of Jax?! For god’s sake, he’s still not over Kitty!”

Agad na kumunot ang noo ko. “No,” I said. Why would I waste my time pining over Jax when he’s clearly made it clear that it’s either Katherine or no one. I didn’t like wasting my time. I moved on as soon as I realized that he’s serious about that girl.

“Then why?”

I looked at him.

He’s everything I hated.

His shortcuts… I hated that. I work hard for everything that I have. I hate how he’s using the easy way to get through law school. I always have this urge to slap him just because.

But I didn’t want to tell him that. I valued him enough not to be brutally honest with him. Mabait naman si Iñigo… I just didn’t like how he’s taking shortcuts in everything. It felt like a mockery of my effort to pass my subject on my own.

“I just don’t see a future, that’s all,” I said as I looked at my phone. I needed to finish my research. I didn’t want to go to the interview unprepared. I still needed to read about the history of the firm, the vision, the mission, who the partners are. I needed to study. Not studying would give me anxiety.

“That future again! Can’t you just worry about now?”

“No, sorry,” I replied. “Are you done?”

He didn’t say a word, but he continued to stare at me. I didn’t know what was going on in his head. Why was he doing this? The last time I checked, he had a list of girls who were willing to have this ‘relationship’ with him. Isang beses na akong nasabunutan dahil sa kanya. Isang beses nasampal. Isang beses natapunan ng frappe.

There’s no shortage of girls for Iñigo Borromeo.

I didn’t even know why he’s making a fuss over this. He didn’t even give me a second glance nung una niya akong nakita.

“No, I’m not yet done,” he said.

“Please say what you need to say, may gagawin—”

But my words were cut off when he kissed me. In public! This is against the contract!

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Atty. Viste,” he said, caressing the side of my lips with his thumb. He was smiling. I couldn’t move. “I’ll pick you up after my review, okay?”

He was already leaving, but I managed to shout, “No!”

He waved his hand and shouted as he was walking away. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Wear something nice.”

Chapter 01

#CTG01 Chapter 01

“Bakit ganyan itsura mo? Mataas naman grades mo,” Rory said. I quickly threw the booklet inside my bag and grabbed my codal and began reading again. 86. Not good enough. Too low for my dad… but of course Rory would not understand me because she has an understanding father… and a supportive boyfriend.

I had my family… but they weren’t as supportive as one would hope… but I guess they’re fine… They motivate me to work harder… because if not, baka palayasin ako sa bahay.

I was religiously trying to memorize every word in the codal, but Yago sat beside Rory. I badly wanted to stuff his mouth with papers to permanently shut him up. I didn’t care if he wanted to talk all day long… My problem was that he’s always near me. Hindi ako makapag-aral! Hindi siya nauubusan ng sasabihin!

I harshly stood up and walked out of the door. Ang ingay! Pumunta ako sa pinaka-sulok ng hall at saka doon nagmemorize. The midterm grades were already out… And for some, my grades might be good… But I wasn’t some. I needed to be the best. That was the only option.

I was on my third round of reciting the provisions when my professor arrived. Mabilis akong naglakad pabalik sa classroom. The recitation began as soon as our professor finished checking the attendance. I was praying na sana matawag na ako dahil nag-aral naman ako… but as my luck would have it, I wasn’t called for recitation.

“Cha, sama ka?” Rory asked.

“No.”

Tumawa siya. “Grabe? Hindi pa nga ako nagsasabi kung saan.”

“Nope, not interested,” I said as I grabbed my things. I was aware of where they’d go—to the Chinese resto near our school kung saan madalas silang kumakaing apat. It’s like some double date, so why the hell would I join them?

“Sige na?”

“No,” I said.

“Magkaaway ba kayo ni Katherine?” Rory whispered.

“No,” I replied. Just because we’re not friends didn’t mean we’re enemies. She just wasn’t comfortably around me… so that made me uncomfortable around her, too. She looks at me like I’d jump on Jax anytime. Ano’ng tingin niya sa akin? Hayop na walang control?

Jax doesn’t like me.

And I value myself enough not to make myself look pathetic by pining over someone who’s already with somebody else. Wala namang shortage sa lalaki, as far as I am concerned.

“Then sama ka na sa amin? Libre ko na! Sumama ka na, please!”

“Mag-aaral ako.”

“Walang pasok bukas!”

“So? Excuse ba ’yun para hindi mag-aral?”

“Gusto mo bang ma-burnout?” Rory asked. “Come on… Two hours lang, promise. Ihahatid ka pa namin ni Yago pabalik dito sa school if gusto mo talagang mag-aral ulit.”

I looked at Rory. She’s unbearable. Kagaya ni Yago. No wonder they’re together.

I knew she wouldn’t shut up about this and would probably make it her life’s mission to get me to eat dinner with them, so I conceded. Sabay-sabay kaming naglakad papunta sa parking. Nauna akong sumabay kina Yago at Rory dahil pinuntahan pa ni Jax si Katherine para hintayin.

I sat on the back of Yago’s car and crossed my arms.

“May papakilala ako sa ’yo,” Rory said.

“Not interested,” I replied.

“Grabe! Gwapo at saka matalino!”

“Busy ako.”

“Busy din siya mag-aral! Med student!”

“Nope.”

“Ano ba’ng type mo?” Rory asked and she continued to interrogate me hanggang sa makarating kami sa resto. She’s so talkative! Sa susunod, kapag nagdismiss, dapat dumiretso na akong lumabas para hindi na ako nahahatak sa ganitong bagay. I could’ve read a chapter by now instead of engaging in this pointless conversation with Rory.

“Hintayin muna natin sina Jax bago tayo mag-order,” Rory said. “Gusto mo ba engineer? Doctor? Lawyer? Judge? Ano?”

Huminga ako nang malalim. God. Patience.

“I don’t need to be in a relationship right now, Rory.”

She smiled. “Di naman in a relationship agad… Friends muna… Malay mo…”

I ignored her and just grabbed the glass of water and drank it until it’s finished. Thankfully, Yago was there to entertain Rory. I grabbed my codal and quietly read as we were waiting for Jax and Katherine.

“Tagal niyo!” Rory said.

“Sorry,” Katherine replied. She looked at me and her eyes widened a little… as if naman gusto kong nandito ako. Hinatak lang naman ako ni Rory. She should be mad at Rory. And she should really start trusting Jax. That guy only has eyes for her.

“Iñigo!” Rory said.

“Sorry. May paper kasi kami ni Kitty,” he said.

Katherine smiled warily. “Sinama ko siya, ha? Si Jax kasi ang kulit, e. May gagawin kaming paper ni Iñigo sa Legres kaya sinama ko na si Iñigo dito…”

I began to ignore everyone at this point and re-focused my attention on my codal. My grade in Insurance wasn’t what I wanted. I needed higher grade if I wanted to continue staying in the star section. I didn’t want to know what my dad would say kapag nalaman niya na napunta ako sa regular section.

I was saw him punch my brother when he got delayed from his graduation in med school… I didn’t want that for myself.

As soon as the food arrived, I ate quickly. It’s only 6:30 and 10pm pa naman magsasara iyong library. I could finish by 7pm and be back at the lib at 7:30.

“Mabulunan ka naman,” Rory said. “Nga pala… Magkakilala ba kayo ni Iñigo?”

I looked at the guy sitting across me. He was looking at me like he was trying to place where he saw me. I forced myself not to roll my eyes at him. I’d seen him a lot of times in the hallway… but I guess I wasn’t that striking for him to remember.

“No,” I answered just to cut his misery.

“Oh!” Rory said, clapping her hands. “Cha, si Iñigo. Iñigo, si Cha.” I simply nodded at him and finished my last hakaw before reaching for my wallet and placing money on the table.

“Aalis ka na?” Rory asked.

“Yup.”

Tumayo na ako. They were all watching my move. Bakit ba kasi ako nandito?! This felt so weird!

“Sabay na tayo?” Iñigo offered.

“No, thanks,” I replied.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Rory. “Sabay na kayo! Same naman kayong sa school babalik yata?”

Iñigo nodded. “Yup,” he said, then looked at Katherine. I almost rolled my eyes when I saw how his eyes almost twinkled when he looked at Katherine. Nakita ko rin kung paano hinawakan ni Jax iyong kamay ni Katherine sa ibabaw ng lamesa nang mangyari iyon.

“Send ko sa messenger mamaya ’yung link nung sa gdocs,” Iñigo said.

Katherine nodded. “Okay. Text mo rin ako para makapag-online ako. Magsesend ako ng link ng source.”

While they were busy talking, I took that as my cue to quietly slip. I didn’t want to ride in Iñigo’s car. We’re not friends. And I didn’t like owing strangers.

Nasa labas ako at naghihintay na makapagbook ng sasakyan nang mapa-talon ako nang may magsalita sa tabi ko.

“Did I offend you or something?” he asked.

“No,” I said. My hand was on my chest, trying to calm myself down dahil sa gulat sa bigla niyang pagsasalita sa tabi ko.

“Then why do I feel like you’re mad at me?”

“That’s just your imagination,” I said.

“Totoo? Kung tignan mo ako kanina, parang gusto mo akong patayin,” sabi niya na natatawa.

“Importante ka ba para patayin ko?”

Mas lalo siyang natawa. “Oo nga naman… But I’m Iñigo Borromeo, you are?”

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. The hell! Why was I pissed that he didn’t remember me? I didn’t want him to remember me! But I was always with Jax back during first sem and he’s always with Katherine. Palagi kaming nagkaka-salubong sa hall.

“See… that murderous look on your face again.”

“Can you please just leave me? Hindi ako sasabay sa sasakyan mo,” sabi ko sa kanya sabay pakita na naka-kuha na ako ng sasakyan pabalik sa school.

Tumawa siya. “Wala akong sasakyan,” he said. “Mukha ba akong mayaman?”

I subtly studied him. He’s wearing white polo shirt, black maong pants, and brown oxford shoes. He looked like one of those boys who call their daddies when they get in trouble.

“Sasabay sana ako sa ’yo para hati tayo sa pamasahe.”

“Close tayo?”

“Pwede naman.”

I stared him down. He laughed.

“Come on… Ang liit ng college of law… Can’t we be friends?”

“Mas matanda ako sa ’yo.”

“Ilang taon ka na ba?”

I didn’t want to answer that. I skipped a few year levels. I graduated early… but I didn’t want to tell people that I’m young. I felt like they’d treat me differently… respect me less…

“I’m your senior,” I said instead.

“Well, then I’m your junior… Be nice?” he asked.

Thankfully, I didn’t have to respond to that question because a car pulled over in front of me. I knocked on the driver’s window and asked him if he knows my name. When he verified my identity, doon lang ako pumasok sa sasakyan. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang pumasok din si Iñigo doon.

Seriously! What’s with the people around me and their inability to comprehend my words? Kapag sinabi kong ayoko, ibig sabihin, ayaw ko. I wasn’t playing a game or being vague.

“Get your own ride!” I said, annoyed.

“Share na tayo? Hahatian naman kita sa bayad.”

“I don’t want your money.”

“Please? Kailangan ko ng maka-balik agad sa school, e.”

Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko at huminga nang malalim. Inner peace… I needed you right now.

“Fine,” I said through gritted teeth. I should’ve really gone for the break and ran to the library. None of this would’ve happened kung nasa library ako at nag-aaral.

Because Iñigo startled me when I was booking the ride, instead na sa mismong harap kami ng SCA bumaba, medyo may kalayuan pa iyong napagbabaan kami. Kailangan ko pa tuloy makasama ang isang ’to.

“May tip ka ba d’yan sa Crim Law 2?” he asked while we were walking.

“Wala.”

“Sungit? Classmate ka nila Jax, ’di ba? Ibig sabihin matalino ka rin.”

“So? Ano’ng kinalaman nun sa ’yo?”

Tumawa siya. “Baka may tips ka sa Crim. Ang hirap, e.”

“Magdrop ka na kung mahirap.”

Tumawa na naman siya. “Ang seryoso mo naman masyado.”

“Pakielam mo? Naaapektuhan ba ’yung buhay mo?”

He laughed again. Entertainment na ba ako ngayon?

“Ano na lang pangalan mo?” he asked and before I could reply, he said, “Hindi maaapektuhan ang buhay ko, pero hindi ako makaka-tulog sa curiosity.”

I was rolling my eyes so hard. Did he have short term memory? I was just introduced to him earlier. Cha. One syllable. Bakit hindi niya matandaan?

Wala naman akong pakielam.

Ano naman kung ’di niya matandaan? Sino ba siya?

“Ayaw mong sabihin? Itatanong ko rin naman kay Kitty mamaya, so might as well tell me your name,” he said, smiling while we were walking.

I heaved out a heavy breath. “Fine. It’s Charisse Faith—” But I was unable to finish my name because a car stopped in front of us, and suddenly, Iñigo’s on the ground, unconscious because someone broke a bottle against his head.

Chapter 02

#CTG02 Chapter 02

I couldn’t move.

It felt like the world stopped revolving and I couldn’t peel my eyes from Iñigo who was laying on the ground… unconscious… and the shards of glass near his body.

What… the hell?!

I slapped my face to remind me to stay focus. Agad akong tumingin sa paligid at baka ako naman ang hampasin sa ulo. I didn’t have any weapon with me, but my law books were fucking thick! Ihahampas ko sa mukha nila iyong codal ko!

Nang masiguro ko na wala ng tao sa paligid namin, mabilis akong lumuhod para tignan ang kalagayan ni Iñigo. I was careful not to move him because I remember my brother telling me that I’d do more harm than good kung papakielamanan ko ang katawan ng tao.

But I just wanted to know if he’s still breathing! I didn’t want to be a witness in a murder!

“Shit,” I uttered to myself when I felt a pulse. Agad akong naka-hinga nang maluwag. So… not a witness in murder… frustrated murder na lang…

I looked around and saw that no one’s around! Bakit kasi dito kami binaba?! I quickly grabbed my phone to call Rory. Hindi ko na ipinaliwanag sa kanila ang nangyari, basta pina-punta ko sila agad dito. Marami silang tanong pero hindi ko masagot kasi ano ang isasagot ko?! Hindi ko rin naman alam!

One second, I was telling him my name… The next second, a bottle was smashed against his head!

“Are you okay?” Yago asked.

I nodded. “Yeah…”

“You sure? You want us to report this?” he asked, sounding concerned. Napa-tingin ako kay Rory na mukhang nag-aalala sa akin. Bakit sa akin sila nag-aalala? Hindi naman ako iyong binasagan ng bote sa ulo.

I was about to answer, but the nurse called us para sabihin na gising na si Iñigo. Paglapit namin sa kama niya, napailing ako nang makita na halos pula na iyong kulay ng kaninang puti niyang polo shirt.

“What happened?” Yago asked. He was the one asking all the questions because truth be told, I didn’t know what the hell was happening! Rory quietly stood beside me, holding me as if I needed care and protection.

“Wala,” tahimik na sagot ni Iñigo.

“We need to report this—”

“Can I talk to Charisse Faith?”

My lips parted. I could see a playful grin on Iñigo’s face. Nabasagan na ng bote, nagawa pang ngumisi. Kulang pa ba iyong isang bote? Dapat ba isang case?

Rory and Yago left us. Nanatili akong naka-tayo. I couldn’t peel my eyes away from his bloodied shirt… I just… I just couldn’t believe how easy it was for some people to hurt other people… How some people do not have a conscience and could stomach doing something as horrible as this…

“Cha—” he said. I arched my brow. “Can we agree that some random guy was harassing you and I helped you kaya ako nahampas sa ulo?”

“Ako pa gusto mong sisihin?”

His lips parted. “What? No!” sabi niya at saka napa-hawak ulit sa ulo niya. “I mean… if anyone asks? Wala namang sisisi sa ’yo. If anyone really did harrass you, tutulungan naman talaga kita.”

I stared at him. Why did he want us to tell this story? Why couldn’t he just say that he was randomly attacked on the street dahil iyon naman talaga ang nangyari?

I mean, he’s annoying… but that didn’t mean someone could just break a bottle on his head.

“You want me to lie?”

“No… Just modify the truth a little.”

I remained silent. I really just wanted a quiet night in the library… but instead I was unwillingly dragged into this mess, and was being asked to lie.

Consequences.

“I just don’t want trouble,” he said.

“You’re the one who’s lying on a hospital bed.”

“You don’t understand.”

“You’re right; I don’t. So, don’t ask me to lie for you for something I don’t completely understand,” I told him. “You’re like asking me to sign a contract without reading the terms and conditions.”

May pumasok na nurse at nagsabi na kailangan ni Iñigo na magpa-test para malaman kung may naalog ba sa utak niya o kung anuman. I wasn’t expert in medicine, but I was sure that the tests would cost him money…

“I’ll call someone—” Yago said nang bumalik sila.

“No, it’s fine,” Iñigo said.

“Just report it.”

“Hindi ko nakita kung sino ang gumawa,” Iñigo said, looking at me like he was trying to get me to confirm his lies. I remained silent. Ayokong magsinungaling sa bagay na hindi ko naiintindihan. Consequences. Baka kung saan pa makarating ang kasinungalingan niya.

“Let’s just drop this,” he further continued.

May mga tao na naman na lumapit kay Iñigo para i-check iyong tahi sa noo niya. I was debating on what I’d do next. I looked at my watch. It’s almost 10pm… Dapat pauwi na ako. Tatanungin ako ni Papa kapag na-late ako ng uwi.

I looked at Yago.

“Can you look after him? Uuwi na ako,” sabi ko habang sinaglitan ng tingin si Iñigo na naka-ngiwi habang inaayos iyong sugat niya. What’s he hiding? Why didn’t he want to report it?

Yago nodded. “Paano ka uuwi?” he asked.

“I’ll book a ride.”

“Okay. Did you really not see who did this?”

Huminga ako nang malalim. Screw you, Iñigo Borromeo. You couldn’t even remember my name, yet I was already lying for you.

“No… Madilim. At saka mabilis.”

“Okay… but was it really random? Ang weird naman…” Yago said. He’s not stupid… I hated Yago sometimes, but he’s really smart. He’d figure out that something’s not adding up.

So, I did the stupid thing and corroborated Iñigo’s lie. “Just some drunkard who tried to catcall me. Things escalated quickly,” I said. “Sige. Uuwi na ako.”

Mabilis akong tumalikod at lumabas ng ospital. Naka-tayo ako sa isang gilid habang hinihintay na dumating iyong sasakyan na maghahatid sa akin pauwi.

This had been a long day.

---

I was quiet during the entire breakfast. Pinapagalitan ni Papa si Chase dahil lumabas na iyong grades nung first quarter sa school nila at nataasan siya nung transferee. I ate my breakfast with fear because I knew that I was next in line… My dad’s always asking about Jax and Yago because he knew that those two were the highest in our batch… He’s always constantly asking me kung ano ang grades nila. And I hated that. I hated how he’s trying to get me to compete with them.

“Charisse,” Papa called. “Midterm grades?”

Isa-isa kong sinabi ang mga grades ko sa mga subject na naglabas na ng results.

“Who got the highest in your class?”

Huminga ako nang malalim. I hated asking my friends their grades… but I couldn’t help it because I was always expected to report them.

“For most subjects, Jax…”

“And Yago?”

“The other subjects, Yago got the highest. If not highest, second or third.”

“And where are you?”

“I’m always in the top five in our section, Papa.”

“Work harder,” he said before sipping his cup of black coffee. Tahimik akong tumango. I needed to work harder. I wanted him to look at me the same way he looks at my eldest brother… He’s the most successful one—built his own business from the ground and now, already a multi-millionaire.

I wanted that for myself.

My own money.

Para maka-alis na ako sa bahay na ’to.

Nang matapos ako sa pagkain ko, tahimik kong kinuha iyong bag ko at saka nagsimulang maglakad palabas sa subdivision. I didn’t want to be driven to school because I knew that the driver would just report my every movement to Papa. I wanted to at least have a bit of freedom…

I’d rather stay in school all day than at home. Home… didn’t feel like home. It’s more of a torture chamber for me.

Pagdating ko sa school, agad akong dumiretso sa library. I studied there quietly until lunchtime came. Iniwan ko iyong mga gamit ko para pumunta sa cafeteria.

“What?” I asked, frowning nang humarang sa harap ko si Iñigo. May benda pa iyong ulo niya.

“Thanks,” he said.

“For?”

“Lying.”

“You owe me.”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

“Okay. Tabi,” I said because I was really hungry. Hindi ako naka-kain nang maayos sa bahay dahil sa takot. I only had twenty minutes allotted for lunch dahil magbabasa pa ako ng case sa Property. Tapos magmememorize pa ako sa Election Law.

“Lunch on me?”

“No, thanks. Ipang-bayad mo na lang diyan sa ulo mo,” I said. He’s the one who said that he’s not rich. He needed all the money because the hospital tests were costly.

Umawang ang labi niya. There still was that almost smile on his face. Na para bang entertained na entertained siya sa mga lumalabas sa bibig ko.

“May sasabihin ka pa ba? Kasi nagugutom na ako.”

Umiling siya. “Nothing… Thanks again.”

I just nodded at him before walking straight to the cafeteria. Dahil sa pang-iistorbo ni Iñigo, nagmadali tuloy akong kumain. Nang pabalik na ulit ako sa library, nakita ko siya na may kausap na mga lalaki. They were pointing at his injured head. Napa-kunot ang noo ko. Member ba siya ng frat? Because some of the guys he’s with were my classmates… and I was pretty sure that they’re a member of a frat.

So… frat-related iyong nangyari kahapon? But why didn’t he want to say anything? Hindi ba siya po-protektahan ng brothers niya? Wasn’t that the sense of joining a brotherhood? Protection? Connection.

Kagaya ng ibang classmate ko na maraming connection kaya nakaka-pasa. I pity their future clients.

I had no choice but to pass by them dahil iyon lang ang daan papunta sa library. I wanted to mind my own business because I didn’t want to be involved in anything related to frat or sorority. I was good at studying on my own and passing based on my own hard work.

Sabi nga nila, if you really want it, work hard for it.

“Cha!”

Agad akong napa-pikit at napa-hugot ng malalim na hininga nang marinig ko ang pamilyar niyang boses na tinatawag ako. Ano na naman ang kailangan niya sa akin?

“Cha!” Iñigo called again. I had no choice but to turn around. “I was just telling my friends about what happened yesterday.”

Medyo napa-kunot ang noo ko. Why was he speaking like this? It felt pretentious… Iba sa naka-usap ko kahapon.

“Remember? When a drunk asshole tried to harass you?” Iñigo stated.

I just nodded. The hell. Kung saan-saan na naka-rating iyang kwento niyo. Paano kapag hinanap nila iyong drunk asshole? Maghahanap na ba kami ng artista na magpapanggap?

Iñigo looked relieved when I confirmed. “See? No need to get worried,” he told his ’friends. Nagpaalam siya sa mga kaibigan niya dahil ihahatid niya raw ako. Saan niya ako ihahatid? Sa library? Maliligaw ba ako?

“Thanks, Cha,” he said.

“I don’t appreciate you making me an accomplice to your lies.”

“I know… I’m sorry.”

“They’re your brothers, right? Why can’t you just tell them?”

Tahimik kaming naglalakad papunta sa library. I could see him smiling at some female med students. Akala ko ba may gusto siya kay Katherine?

“Mas maayos na kapag ganito,” he said. “Kapag nalaman nila na galing sa kabila iyong humampas sa ulo ko, mag-aaway pa sila. Gulo lang.”

“Hindi ba mag-aalala magulang mo?”

He smiled. “Patay na pareho.”

My lips parted. “Sorry.”

He laughed. “Sorry,” he said when he abruptly stopped laughing. “Ang weird lang kasi maka-rinig ng sorry mula sa ’yo.”

I arched my brow. “I know when to apologize. I’m not an asshole.”

“Yeah… Sorry,” he said, smiling. “Sobrang intimidating mo kasing tignan. Natatakot nga ako minsan na kausapin ka, e. Parang lagi kang ready makipagtalo.”

“For someone who owes me, you surely know how to show gratitude,” I told him as we were taking the stairs. Naghi na naman siya sa isang naka-salubong namin na law student. Na babae. Ang babaero naman nito.

“I’m sorry,” he said again. “First impression lang naman. But you’re not that scary. Konti lang.”

“I’m not scary—you just lack balls,” I said as I opened the door of the library. “Thank you for walking me to the library. Baka naligaw ako kung wala ka.”

Tumawa siya. “No problem… Charisse Faith,” he said. “I’ll see you around.”

Chapter 03

#CTG03 Chapter 03

I was dreading going home… Kaka-announce lang ng results ng lahat ng midterm exams and as expected, si Yago at Jax lang ang halos nag-uunahan sa pinaka-mataas na grades. And I was happy for them… They worked for it. Lahat naman kami dito sa school, nagpapaka-hirap para makakuha ng mataas na grades.

If only my dad understood that… then I wouldn’t study like my life depends on it. I wouldn’t tremble in fear whenever I feel like I didn’t say the exact correct answer during recitation.

I wouldn’t hate school and learning all together.

School… wouldn’t sound like a torture chamber.

“Sa lib ka?” Rory asked after our prof dismissed us.

I simply nodded, not wanting to expound. The last time I told her my plan, I got dragged in a resto and witnessed a frustrated murder.

“Okay. See you bukas,” she said after I picked up my things. Nagmamadali akong lumabas para mag-aral sa library. Hanggang 10pm lang ang library. Kung bukas siguro ’to ng 24 hours, malamang doon na ako naka-tira. Mas gugustuhin ko pa nga yata na sa kalsada na lang matulog kaysa umuwi ngayon.

“Hi.”

Agad akong napa-pikit nang makita ko si Iñigo na naka-upo sa pwesto ko.

“That’s my spot,” I said. I knew it was stupid… but I go everyday to this library. It’s kind of an unwritten rule that I stay there! Kahit nga iyong mga librarian alam iyon, e!

“Says who?” Iñigo shot back.

“Says me,” I said through seethed teeth. Kinuha ko iyong iniwanan ko na notebook para sana magsilbing ‘reservation’ ko sa upuan na iyon. I looked around and saw that there were no good spots in the library. It’s the middle of the semester kaya maraming gumagamit ng library. Nawawalan lang naman ng tao dito kapag kakatapos lang ng exam… but tonight, it’s back to normal business.

“May space pa dito,” sabi niya habang tinatapik iyong space sa tabi niya.

“Ano bang gusto mong mangyari?” I asked him because frankly, I had no time for whatever game he was trying to play. I needed to study and I needed to devote my entire time and focus on that. I couldn’t be distracted trying to figure out what Iñigo wanted to happen.

“Wala naman,” sagot niya. “Nag-aaral din kaya ako.”

Huminga ako nang malalim. If I go outside, I wasn’t sure if may coffee shop ba na pwede akong pag-aralan… Kung maghahanap naman ako ng bakanteng classroom, mauubos lang ang oras ko.

“Fine,” I said as I took the vacant seat beside him. Mabilis na inilabas ko iyong earphone ko. Hindi pa man ako nakakapagpatugtog ay inilagay ko na agad iyon sa mga tenga ko. At dahil doon, tinawanan ako ni Iñigo.

He didn’t seem stupid… maiintindihan niya naman na ayokong makipag-usap.

Inilabas ko iyong libro na kailangan kong basahin. Inilabas ko na rin iyong pen capsule ko at kinuha iyong highlighters ko at pencil para sa pangsulat ng notes.

But when I saw Iñigo’s hand in front of me, I just had to draw a deep breath.

“Food?” he said, smiling while offering me a pack of biscuit.

“I’m good,” I replied.

“Sige na? Para makapag-aral na rin ako.”

“Bakit ba ang kulit mo?”

“Bakit ba ang sungit mo?”

“Required ba ako maging mabait sa ’yo?”

He laughed. “Grabe naman, Charisse Faith Viste.”

I internally groaned. Why did he have to say my full name every time?! He’s overcompensating dahil ang tagal na naming nagkikita sa school pero ngayon niya lang natandaan ang pangalan ko! And it’s so annoying!

“You know what? I wish I just left you to bleed on the pavement.”

Tumawa siyang muli. “Grabe naman, Charisse Faith—” napa-tigil siya dahil tinanggal ko na iyong cap ng ballpen ko dahil ready na ako na iturok ’to sa braso niya. He’s so talkative! Why was I surrounded by talkative people?! All I ever asked for was peace and silence!

“Fine…” he said in a much lower tone. “Tanggapin mo na ’to tapos promise tatahimik na ako.”

Huminga ako nang malalim bago ko tinanggap iyong biscuit na bigay niya sa akin. He smiled again before he turned his attention to his own reading materials.

So annoying.

---

It was quarter to ten when the librarian rang the bell na signal na magsasara na iyong library. Isa talaga sa mga hiling ko ang magkaroon ng 24/7 na bukas na library.

“Tulungan na kita,” Iñigo said when he saw me arranging my books. I had three huge books with me. Kailangan kong mag-aral nang mabuti dahil finals na. Every recitation matters. I couldn’t slack off. Not now.

“No, thanks,” I replied. He shrugged, but I knew he was following me hanggang sa maka-labas ako ng library. I ignored him. Mapapagod din siya sa kaka-sunod sa akin kapag nalaman niya na wala naman siyang mapapala sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang gusto niya. Obviously, he didn’t need more friends because he’s too friendly… Hindi din siya nauubusan ng babae… I didn’t know what the hell he wanted from me. Samplex? Materials? Sana sabihin niya na para tantanan niya na ako.

“May susundo ba sa ’yo?” he asked nang tumigil ako sa malapit sa exit gate.

“Yeah,” I replied although magbu-book pa lang ako ng sasakyan. I really just wanted him to leave me alone.

“Ah… Malapit na ba?”

“Oo.”

“Okay.”

Pero hindi pa rin siya umalis.

Ang kulit.

“May hinihintay ka ba?” tanong ko sa kanya.

“Yung sundo mo.”

“Bakit? Makiki-sakay ka?”

He laughed. “Grabe…” sabi niya habang tumatawa. Sumingkit iyong mata niya dahil sa pagtawa. He looked so carefree… but I knew better. Iñigo’s anything but carefree. He’s a member of the biggest frat in SCA.

“Gusto ko lang masigurado na makaka-uwi ka nang maayos.”

“Mukha ba akong bata sa paningin mo?” I asked, but instead of replying quickly, I felt him sizing me up with his stares. Napa-yakap ako sa mga libro na hawak ko dahil ramdam na ramdam ko ang pagtingin niya sa akin.

“Nah… You look grownup.”

Huminga ako nang malalim dahil bigla kong gustong ihampas sa kanya iyong makakapal na librong hawak ko.

“Ano ba kasing gusto mo? Pwede bang sabihin mo na sa akin para alam ko? I seriously don’t appreciate you bothering me.”

Instead of answering, he just stared at me. His hands were inside his pockets. A small smile appeared on his face.

“Bakit ba ang sungit mo?”

“Do I owe you any explanation as to how I behave?”

“Nagka-boyfriend ka na?”

My lips parted.

A teasing smile appeared on his face.

“Hindi pa? Gusto mong masubukan?”

I balled my hands. Mabilis kong ipinikit ang mga mata ko at humugot ng malalim na hininga. God! Why did you create such annoying creatures?!

“What the hell do you want? When you asked me to keep that little incident a secret, I obliged. Bakit ba hindi mo pa ako tigilan?” tanong ko. My restraint was thin… I just really hope he wouldn’t push me dahil ihahampas ko talaga iyong mga libro sa kanya.

“Naiinis ka ba talaga sa akin?”

“Hindi ba halata?”

He laughed. “Bakit?”

“Pwede bang iwan mo na lang ako?”

“Nagbayad din naman ako ng tuition… Pwede naman akong tumayo dito sa loob ng school,” he annoying replied.

“Sabihin mo na kasi kung ano iyong gusto mo para tantanan mo na ako.”

“Inis na inis ka talaga sa ’kin, no?” he asked. I only arched my brow. “Dahil pa rin ba sa hindi ko agad natandaan iyong pangalan mo?”

I arched my brow even higher. “Ganyan kataas ang tingin mo sa sarili mo?”

He shrugged. “Not really… but I can’t really think of what I did to make you that… hostile towards me.”

“You’re just annoying. Period.”

“How come? Tatlong beses pa lang yata tayo nakakapag-usap.”

“I just know.”

“Come on now… You’re a future lawyer. You know that that won’t hold up in court. You need concrete evidence and not just circumstancial ones.”

Lord…

First, Yago. Now, Iñigo.

“Look—”

Pero hindi ko natapos ang sasabihin ko nang mabilis niya akong hatakin. I was about to shout at him for doing that, but he quickly covered my mouth with his hand! This insolent charlatan!

Akala ko ay tapos na siya sa ginagawa niya pero nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang ilapit niya ang mukha niya sa akin! It seemed like he was trying to hide from someone, but I couldn’t see from whom dahil sobrang dikit na siya sa akin! This asshole! Gusto ko nang umuwi!

“Quiet,” he whispered.

“Let me—”

“Don’t shout,” he said, cutting me off.

“I’m gonna shout if I want to—”

“Don’t.”

“I will.”

“I’ll kiss you if that’s what it takes to shut you up.”

“I’ll break your neck, I promise.”

“You wouldn’t—”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang maramdaman ko ang labi niya sa labi ko. No… No, he didn’t! This fucking asshole! Bakit niya ako hinahalikan?!

I wanted to push him and punch him and wring his neck until he’s gasping for air, but I couldn’t move! I was stuck in between his arms and I couldn’t move! He was holding me still and his lips were on mine! Seriously! I just wanted to study! That’s all I ever wanted!

It felt like forever nang matanggal ang labi niya sa labi ko. He was looking behind my shoulders, but I couldn’t peel my eyes from him.

He… just kissed me!

“I’m sorry—”

He said, but I quickly kneed him in between his legs. I was supposed to slap him, but I realize that this would hurt more! Ang kapal ng mukha niyang halikan ako! Sino ba siya sa tingin niya?!

“Charisse Faith!” he shouted when I started to walk away from him. Sa labas na lang ako ng school maghihintay ng pwedeng sakyan. I swear to God, one more second with this guy and I would start to pre-meditate his murder!

Thankfully, he was still limping from what I did with him kaya naman naka-layo ako sa kanya… but not for so long because I was waiting for the car that I booked kaya naman naka-tayo lang ako sa isang lugar para hintayin iyon.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated.

“Just scram.”

“Galit ka?”

“Mukha ba akong masaya?”

He remained quiet after that. I prayed that the car would arrive soon because if there’s one thing I knew about Iñigo was that like Yago, he couldn’t remain silent even if his life depended on it.

“I’m sorry again,” he repeated. “Was that your first kiss?”

“Sa tingin mo ba close tayo para tanungin mo ako ng ganyan?”

He pursed his lips and put his hands inside his pockets. “Sorry na, Miss Viste…” sabi niya sa malambing na paraan. Bigla akong kinilabutan. “Nagpanic lang ako kanina. Hindi na mauulit.”

“Talagang hindi na!”

“Dumikit lang naman ’yung labi ko—wala namang nangyaring iba.”

“Ugh. Stop talking about it. Kalimutan na lang natin.”

“Bakit? May iba kang gustong maging first kiss? ’Yung maputla at saka sobrang seryoso ba ’yung gusto mo?”

I drew a deep breath. God… so many annoying people around me. I just wanted to study and have good grades. Iyon lang naman ang gusto ko pero bakit parang ang hirap?

“I don’t like Jax, okay?”

“Wala namang akong sinabing pangalan…” naka-ngisi na sabi niya. “Ganon talaga kapag guilty, no? Nahuhuli sa sariling bibig.”

Another deep breath.

I needed to practice restraint. Siguro pagsubok lang ito sa akin. Dahil sa future, sigurado ako na mas malalang kriminal pa ang mga magiging ka-trabaho ko… Sigurado ako na dinala lang ng tadhana si Iñigo sa buhay ko para patatagin ako.

“Sure,” I said, just wanting this conversation to be over.

“Wala ka ng masabi?”

I shrugged. “Whatever, Mr. Borromeo.”

“Aww. Formalities. Wala ba talagang chance na maging friends tayo, Miss Viste?”

“I don’t think you need more friends, Mr. Borromeo. I know you’re doing just fine.”

His brow arched. “Are you insinuating that I’m a playboy, Miss Viste?”

“I’m not insinuating anything; you have a reputation. You are a playboy, Mr. Borromeo. That is supported by hard facts and there is no evidence to the contrary.”

I was waiting for him to respond, but when I turned to look at him, I saw his lips parted… and it was as if his eyes were twinkling with admiration. Weird.

“What?” I snapped when he still wouldn’t stop staring at me!

“Nothing…”

“Then stop staring!”

“Can’t,” he said. “You… sound so sexy when you went all lawyer on me.”

Biglang namula ang mukha ko. Hindi ako makapagsalita. Gusto kong magsalita para barahin siya, pero hindi ko magawa! What did he just say?!

“Nandito na ’yung sundo mo,” he said when a car pulled over in front of us. He opened the door and confirmed with the driver na ako nga iyong sinusundo. Iñigo opened the door on the backseat, and looked at me. “Good night, Ms. Viste,” he said, smiling like the fucking idiot that he was.

I willed myself to respond. Who knew what he’d do if he learned that he rendered me flustered with his response?

“Good night,” I merely responded as I got inside the car. I stared at him. He didn’t move. It was like he was watching the car… and I saw him reading the plate number and typing it down.

Chapter 04

#CTG04 

Chapter 04

A professor was once told us that it’s best to make friends in school—especially law school. The world of law is impossibly small. There were approximately 105 million people in the country and only around 40 thousand lawyers. That’s 1 lawyer for every 2625 people. Hindi rin lahat ng magiging abogado ay magpa-practice—some will go into business, others into politics, others… they just wanted the title. And if that happens, who would they recommend to the people they know? Iyon bang kaibigan nila o naging kaaway nung nasa law school pa sila?

So, as much as I wanted to tell Yago to shut up because I needed to read my book in Insurance, I kept it all to myself. Pinabayaan ko siya na magkwento ng kung anu-ano kay Rory. Hindi ko alam kung naglolokohan na lang ba silang dalawa kasi minsan, walang kwenta na talaga iyong mga sinasabi ni Yago, but Rory listens to him like he’s telling the most interesting story ever told.

I wished that I’d never have to play her part.

“Cha, galit ba kayo nila Ruth?” Rory asked. Napa-tingin ako sa gilid niya at napansin na lumipat si Yago sa tabi ni Jax. Kaya pala biglang tumahimik.

“Ha? Hindi,” I replied. Kakasabi ko lang ng ayoko ng kaaway sa school.

“Bakit ’di kayo nagpapansinan?”

“Totoo?” I asked, confused.

“Oo kaya. Kanina pa sila nag-uusap tapos titingin sa ’yo. May nangyari ba?” Rory asked. I didn’t know if she’s genuinely concerned or she’s just plain curious.

I began to rack my brain for a reason why they’d be mad at me. My lips parted when I realized that it was because of what happened last time in the café. Galit pala sila sa akin dahil doon? Sila naman iyong pumilit na lapitan namin si Jax kahit obvious na may kasama siya.

They liked Jax—I mean, everyone in our room likes him. He’s just so nice and there’s nothing not to like. Ang kaibigan ko lang sa mga babae na ’yun, I know when to stop. May girlfriend na iyong tao. Besides, busy ako sa pag-aaral. But since they knew na close ako kay Jax, lagi nila akong pinipilit na lumapit sa kanya para mag group study daw kami.

I warned them.

I told them that just because he’s silent, doesn’t necessarily mean he’s always nice. Jax knows when to snap. Nagulat tuloy sila nung nasungitan kami. Sabi ko naman sa kanila na ’wag na kaming lumapit, e… Tapos sila pa galit sa akin?

“Bayaan mo na lang,” I told her.

I resumed studying, but because Rory mentioned that they were staring at me, parang bigla kong naramdaman ang bawat pagtitig nila sa akin. Mabilis kong kinuha iyong libro ko at saka lumabas. I frowned when I saw Jax standing outside, too. Mamaya mas awayin pa ako kapag dito ako nag-aral.

“Pa-text ako kapag nandito na si Sir,” I quickly told Jax before I walked towards the end of the hall. Kay Yago ko sana sasabihin kaso baka makalimutan. ’Di naman ako si Rory para saluhin nun.

Pagdating ko sa dulo, thankfully, walang nag-aaral doon. I really couldn’t concentrate on studying with noisy people around me. Uupo na sana ako nang makita ko bigla si Iñigo na nandun.

Ang malas.

I quickly turned on my heel. Hindi ko naman siya madalas talaga makita dati, pero simula nung ‘ipakilala’ kaming dalawa, pakiramdam ko ay sa bawat sulok ng school ay nagkikita na kaming bigla!

“Shit,” I heard him mutter.

No, Charisse. Continue walking. Mind your own business.

“Shit!” he cursed louder.

Agad akong napa-tingin sa paligid. This guy! Paano kung may dumaan na prof namin tapos narinig siyang nagmumura?! Minsan, hindi ko talaga siya maintindihan. Dahil ba member siya ng frat kaya ang lakas ng loob niya sa ganito?

“Ah, fuck!” he continued.

Ilang mura ba ang sasabihin niya?

“Puta—”

“Shut up!” I hissed dahil nakita ko si Atty. Gabria na papa-akyat sa hagdan. Mamaya marinig pa niya si Iñigo, e!

Agad na napa-tingin sa akin si Iñigo. Agad na kumunot din ang noo ko nang mapansin ko kung gaano kapula ang mga mata niya. I couldn’t decide if it’s due to lack of sleep… or did he cry?

Was he even capable of crying?

Wasn’t he Iñigo… the playboy extraordinaire? Iyong maraming babae sa med?

“Hey,” he said, crumpling his eyes and brushing his hair with his fingers. “Sorry you had to hear that.”

Hindi ko agad siya napansin dahil nakita ko si Atty. Gabria kaya nginitian ko siya. Medyo masungit pa naman iyon tapos ang daming tanong kapag recit. Mabuti na lang hindi ko siya prof ngayong sem. Sana hindi na ulit.

“Hi, Sir,” nagulat ako na bati ni Iñigo. Bakit sila magkakilala? Alam ko walang tinuturo na first year—Ah. Frat.

I saw Atty. Gabria nod at him. Biglang nag-init ng konti iyong ulo ko dahil naaalala ko iyong dalawang classmate ko last year na pumasa sa subject niya dahil lang brods sila. Buti sana kung deserve e puro absent naman iyong dalawa na ’yun. Bahala sila. May karma din sila.

“Mag-aaral ka rin ba?” Iñigo asked and gathered his things. “Tahimik lang ako dito,” he continued. He looked different than usual. But I was pissed. Kagaya rin kaya siya ng mga classmates ko dati? Baka naman hindi. I overheard Katherine once say that Iñigo’s one of the bests in their class…

I looked at him and then looked at the hall and saw Yago annoying Jax. I sighed as I placed my things on the table.

True to what he said, tahimik lang si Iñigo habang nag-aaral kami. I glanced at what he was studying—Oblicon pala. Sobrang daming highlight ng codal niya and he was using Jurado book plus memory aid.

Hindi nga siguro siya kagaya nung mga walang kwenta kong classmate.

“Fuck.” Napa-kunot ang noo ko. Napa-tingin siya sa akin at alangang ngumiti. “Sorry,” he said. “Frustrated lang.”

I nodded. “Mahirap talaga ’yan.”

“Alam ko,” sagot niya. “Lumabas grades namin—” he said, but halted. “Sorry. Tahimik nga pala ako.”

I rolled my eyes. Kinu-konsensya ba niya ako? Talaga namang maingay siya. Okay lang naman na magsalita, pero sana ilugar. Hindi iyong daldal nang daldal kahit may nag-aaral sa tabi.

“Midterms pa lang naman,” I said. “Kaya pang bawiin sa finals recit and finals.”

Although I’d rather have a good midterm standing, having a bad one wasn’t the end of the world. I remembered back on my first sem in law school, I really thought I aced my midterms exam in Criminal Law, but when I saw my grades, I felt like heaven and earth decided to play a little game on me… Akala ko talaga ay hindi na ako papasa dahil sa taas ng grades na kailangan ko sa finals…

But I pulled through.

Nothing’s impossible if you work hard for it.

“Thanks,” he said, but it felt like he didn’t feel better with what I just said. My mind told me to just drop it off and continue studying—mind my own business because that’s what I wanted… But he really looked conflicted and like a lost and sad puppy right in front of me. I could see his jaw ticking and him playing with his pen.

I rolled my eyes and sighed before I asked him the question that I knew I’d regret.

“What’s your problem?” I asked.

Napa-tingin siya sa akin na nagulat. “Concerned ka?” he asked—or more like teased. “Is it because of the kiss—”

“Forget I asked,” I said, rolling my eyes again. I knew I’d regret asking him! Malaki naman na siya. Kung anuman ang problema niya, kaya niya na ’yun. Bakit ba kasi ako nagtanong pa?

“Kalimutan mong nangyari ’yun,” I said because that was what I was doing. There’s no way in hell that I’d consider that as my first kiss! No way!

That’s just… a glitch in the system.

“Paano kung ayoko? Kakasuhan mo ako?” he asked, challenging me.

“Unjust vexation,” I replied.

An amused expression appeared on his face. “Unjust vexation?”

I nodded. “Yes. If you’re asking if I can file a case, I can file a case of unjust vexation against you. So, I highly suggest you erase that… scene from your head.”

Iñigo laughed. “Sungit naman talaga,” he said.

“Hindi ako masungit. Makulit ka lang. That’s the difference.”

He grinned. “Di naman ako makulit… Ayoko lang ng tahimik. It’s like there’s this nagging voice inside my head to fill the silence. Alam mo ’yun?” he asked, but I shook my head. Why would I dare break the silence? That’s all I ever wanted.

“Anyway, hindi na muna kita guguluhin,” sabi niya at saka sandali akong nginitian bago ibinalik ang atensyon niya sa binabasa niya. I heaved a deep breath before I resumed studying. Sumilip muli ako sa hallway at nakita ko na nandun na rin si Rory kasama sina Jax at Yago. Nasaan na kaya si Sir? Nag-aral pa naman ako tapos absent siya.

“Do you want to talk about your problem?” I finally asked when I heard him draw a really heavy breath. Na para bang pasan niya ang buong daigdig.

Iñigo nodded and rested his back against the seat. Isinandal niya rin iyong ulo niya at saka tumingin sa dingding. “Problema ko lang kasi ’yung scholarship. Matatanggal ako kapag bumagsak ako.”

“Papasa ka nga.”

“Wow naman. Ang positive ni Ms. Viste. Hindi ako sanay.”

I closed my eyes and pursed my lips. “Kinakausap ka nang maayos, ha.”

He laughed. “Sorry,” he said. “Iniisip ko lang kasi kapag bumagsak ako… One-year akong delayed. Sayang oras. Sayang panahon. Sayang effort. Sayang pera.”

“E ’di lumipat ka na lang,” I offered.

“Grabe,” he said, laughing. “Ganyan mo ba ako ka-ayaw makita?”

“I’m just giving you solution to your problem. Kung ayaw mong ma-delay, lumipat ka ng school.”

“But this is SCA—best of the best.”

“As long as you pass the BAR, it won’t matter where you came from,” I replied. Pare-pareho lang naman kaming lahat ng binabasang libro, ng pinag-aaralan na kaso. It all depends on the student on how good a lawyer he’d be.

He smiled at me. “Nice.”

“So, shut up and study. I’m sure you’d pass.”

“Thanks, Ms. Viste.”

“Stop calling me Ms. Viste. Pakiramdam ko nagrerecit ako.”

“What will I call you then?” he asked.

I pursed my lips. I didn’t want him calling me Cha because that would sound too friendly… And I hadn’t decided yet if we’re friends…

Make friends in law school… Friends, not enemies.

I stared at Iñigo. He was giving me that boyish smile again. But I knew better than to be fooled by that smile… He’s a part of a fraternity. I was pretty sure that he’s hiding skeletons in his closet… I should be wary of him kahit na ganito ang pinapakita niya sa akin.

I needed to remind myself that a bottle was smashed against his head.

I needed to remind myself that he kissed me without my consent.

Hindi siya mapagkaka-tiwalaan.

“Charisse,” I said, but reminded myself to always watch my back whenever I was with him.

He smiled. “Okay… Charisse.”

I shrugged and returned to studying. He continued reading his book while I quietly tried to memorize the provisions in Criminal Procedure. Sobrang hassle, but you’d get higher grades in the recitation if you could recite the provisions verbatim and flawlessly.

I was in the middle of mouthing the provisions when my phone vibrated. I checked it and frowned when I read the message from the class beadle informing us that Sir wouldn’t be able to come to class dahil stuck siya sa isang meeting.

“Nandyan na prof mo?” Iñigo asked when he saw me fixing my things.

Umiling ako. “No. Free cut.”

“Ah… Uuwi ka na?”

Umiling ulit ako. 10pm ako palaging umuuwi sa bahay para sigurado ako na tulog na sila Papa… Sapat na sa akin na nakikita ko sila sa breakfast at doon nila ako tinatanong kung kamusta ang grades ko. I didn’t need the extra pressure at night.

“San ka pupunta? Kakain?” he asked… And only then did I remember na hindi pa pala ako kumakain simula nung breakfast. Nagpanic kasi ako kanina nung sinabi na hanggang Rule 124 na iyong coverage. Hindi naman ako kagaya nila Jax na mabilis magmemorize. I needed time to memorize things. I needed to exert extra effort.

“Kakain muna…” I answered, thinking about what food I should eat. Sarado na iyong canteen. Ang pinaka-malapit na kainan ay fastfood. I didn’t like fastfood… but I didn’t have any choice.

Nagsimula na akong maglakad. Pababa na ako ng hagdan—medyo nagmamadali dahil baka hatakin na naman ako nila Rory kung saan-saan. Kailangan ko pang mag-aral kasi may quiz yata kami sa ATP. Tapos kailangan ko pang magsulat ng digest para sa Admin. Sumasakit na agad iyong ulo ko.

“Charisse!” I groaned internally. “Sabay ako?”

“Wala ka bang class?”

“Wala rin prof.”

Umangat ang kilay ko. “Ano ’yun? Coincidence na sabay tayong nawalan ng prof?”

He shrugged. “Baka magic,” he said, grinning. “San tayo kakain?”

I pursed my lips. “Mabilis lang ako kakain. Mag-aaral agad ako.”

He nodded. “Ako rin naman.”

“Fine… Pero ayoko ng makulit.”

He laughed. “Don’t you think I know that by now?” he asked. “I promise… Tahimik lang ako. Mag-aaral lang tayo.”

I thought he’d annoy me and make me roll my eyes endlessly, but true to what he said, we ate quickly and studied for the rest of the night. Sometimes, he’d ask me questions about Oblicon and I’d answer him to the best of my knowledge. Namamangha din siya kapag may mga terms ako na ginagamit. Parang tanga. Mapapag-aralan niya rin naman iyon kapag second year na siya. He kept on telling me how smart I am. I fought so hard to roll my eyes at him.

Iñigo… He wasn’t so bad.

Chapter 05

#CTG05 

Chapter 05

“Is there something you want to share, Charisse Faith?” Rory asked, her brows in full arch. Agad na napa-kunot ang noo ko. Ano na naman ang problema nito? “Ano ’yung kanina?”

“Ano’ng ano?” I asked.

“Yung kay Iñigo!” she said like that should mean something. Napa-tingin ako kay Yago. Kasalanan niya ’to. Rory wasn’t like this when I first met her… Ngayon, kagaya na siya ni Yago na puro chismis.

“What about him?” I asked, trying to come up with a good mnemonic. Sobrang dami na ng kinkabisado ko. Sometimes, I felt like my head would explode from everything.

Sometimes, I felt like just… disappearing.

I wonder how would that fee like—to be free from people’s expectation. Because most of the time, I feel like I couldn’t breathe. I am so afraid of making mistakes that sometimes, I’d wake up in the middle of the night because I dreamed that I received a failing grade. And then I wouldn’t be able to sleep again and instead, just study.

Because in my life, failure’s not an option.

“Bakit mag pagngiti kanina?”

“You’re hallucinating,” I said before I stood up and carried my codal with me. Marami pa akong kailangang basahin at hindi ako matatapos kung patuloy na tatanungin ako ni Rory.

Lumabas ako ng classroom at naghanap ng pwedeng upuan habang naghihintay ng professor. I had a feeling that it’d be a free cut tonight because our prof wasn’t usually late… And he also wasn’t the kind of professor who’d tell us na walang pasok. I think it’s his way of pressuring us into still studying. Minsan kasi kapag nawawalan ng pasok, tinatamad din mag-aral.

I was supposed to sit on my usual spot—iyong bench sa labas ng LSG pero nandun si Katherine at Jax. Tumingin ako ng iba pang pwedeng upuan pero puro madilim na sa ibang parte ng hallway. Ayoko namang bumaba pa para lang magbasa. Ayoko rin sa loob dahil maingay si Yago at Rory.

Bakit ba lagi ko silang problema? Gusto ko lang namang mag-aral.

Sighing, I decided to circle the building. Alam ko may pwesto sa labas ng auditorium sa second floor na pwedeng upuan, e. Kita pa iyong classroom namin mula roon kaya makaka-takbo ako kung sakaling dumating man si Sir—which I highly doubted.

Pero papalapit lang ako nang mapa-tigil na naman ako.

“Hey!” naka-ngiting tawag ni Iñigo nang makita niya ako. Maingay ba akong maglakad? Bakit naramdaman niya agad na nandito ako?

I gave him an awkward smile. Were we friends? I still didn’t feel comfortable around him… But he’s nice. Kinda.

“Mag-aaral ka rin?” he asked. I nodded. He tapped the space beside him. “May tao dun sa usual mo, no?” Kumunot ang noo ko. “Sina Jax… Dun ka sa pwesto nila usually nag-aaral, ’di ba?”

Tumango ako. “Okay lang naman,” sagot ko. ’Di naman ako may-ari nung pwesto na ’yun. Saka baka mas okay na na ’dun sina Katherine at Jax. Baka sakaling matauhan na iyong ilan sa mga classmate ko na may crush kay Jax na may girlfriend na iyong tao.

“Di mo ako tatanungin kung bakit alam ko na ’dun ka nag-aaral?” he asked.

Umiling ako. Ang ingay din ng isang ’to. Saan ba ako matatahimik sa school na ’to?

Tumawa siya. “Sungit talaga, grabe,” he said, and then tapped the space beside him again. “Dito ka na. Tahimik na ako, promise.”

Dahil tahimik naman talaga siya nung last time na nag-aral kami, naupo ako sa tabi niya. I began to read the provisions again, making sure that I understood them clearly. Minsan kasi kapag may nalilimutan akong isang salita, nag-iiba iyong interpretation ng buong batas.

Nang ma-bore ako sa pagbabasa ng codal, nilabas ko iyong phone ko para sana magbasa muna ng cases.

“Grabe namang motivation,” he said.

“Ha?”

“Yung wallpaper mo,” he said. “ The only thing that matters is how badly you want it.“

“Privacy?”

He laughed. “Grabe! Nakita ko lang naman. Split second. ’Di naman tipo na binasa ko messages mo,” he said, smiling at me. Ibinaba niya iyong hawak niya na codal ng civil law. Oblicon pa rin yata inaaral nito. Major in oblicon yata ’to. “Sobrang motivated mo no? Gustung-gusto mo talagang maging lawyer?”

I shrugged. “Okay lang.”

“Okay lang ’yung pagka-gusto mong maging lawyer sa lagay na ’yan?” he asked. I only looked at him. He smiled and then raised his hands. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to pry. Aral na ulit tayo.”

He resumed to studying.

I did, too.

I didn’t like talking about feelings. It’s weird. It makes me feel weird. I’d rather shove it all in… kung sumabog, at least one-time ko na lang na poproblemahin. I didn’t want to think about feelings everyday. I had things in my list that I needed to check off.

“Cha!”

Agad akong napa-tingin sa kanya. Nanlalaki iyong mga mata niya. Naka-turo siya sa akin. Agad akong napa-tingin sa codal ko. Shit!

I tried to get tissues from my bag pero naalala ko na nasa classroom nga pala iyong bag ko. Tatayo na sana ako para pumunta sa CR pero natigilan ako nang iabot sa akin ni Iñigo iyong panyo niya. I looked at him and saw that he’s got this worried look on his face.

“Thank you,” I said as I tried to wipe the blood from my nose. Yumuko ako para lumabas pa iyong iba. Ang hassle naman! Ito iyong ayoko, e. ’Yung codal ko!

“Tara sa clinic,” sabi niya.

“Ayos lang ako.”

“Ano’ng ayos d’yan?” he asked, pointing at me who still had my head hanging low dahil hindi pa rin tumitigil iyong paglabas ng dugo sa ilong ko.

From my peripheral vision, I saw Katherine running. Nandun na yata iyong prof nila sa oblicon.

“Nandyan na prof mo,” sabi ko. I tried to sit down but I felt the blood running from my nose still. Ang hassle naman!

“Samahan muna kita sa clinic,” he said.

“Okay lang ako.”

“You don’t look okay,” he said.

“This normally happens, okay? I’m fine,” I said, really wanting him to leave because his class was about to start. Obli pa naman yata iyong class niya. Alam ko na kinakabahan siya sa class na iyon dahil nagpaturo pa nga siya sa akin nung huling beses na magkasama kami, e.

“Just because it normally happens doesn’t make it fine, okay?” he shot back. He stood up, codal in his hand and then other, offering to help me stand up. “Tara na sa clinic.”

I looked up at him. “Nandyan na prof mo.”

“E ’di male-late ng sandali,” sagot niya. “Tara na kasi. Baka maubos ’yung dugo mo.”

Inirapan ko siya. “Di mauubos iyong dugo ko, okay? Alam mo ba kung ilang litro ng dugo—”

“Mamaya ka na magtrivia kapag nasa clinic na tayo,” he said, holding me by my arm as we went down the stairs. I felt him hurrying his steps. Kinakabahan yata baka matawag sa recit.

“Pupunta ako sa clinic, promise. Bumalik ka na sa room mo,” I said.

“Okay nga lang—”

“Paano kapag natawag ka?”

“E ’di natawag.”

“Obli ’yun.”

“Wala akong paki,” he answered, opening the door of the clinic. Napa-tingin sa amin iyong nurse. “Nurse—”

“Cha,” Jenny said. Kilala ko na siya. Lagi akong nasa clinic. “Nosebleed?”

I nodded and then she began to assist me. Tumingin ako kay Iñigo. “Okay na ko. Balik ka na sa room.” He was still standing there, like he wasn’t sure kung iiwan na ba niya ako dito o ano. “Balik ka na. Kulit nito.”

“Lagi kang nandito?” he asked, instead.

I nodded again. “Balik ka na sa room.” He sighed and then looked at his watch. “Bumalik ka na kasi ’dun. Ang kulit naman nito.”

“Maaga nagpapa-dismiss ’yun. Hintayin mo ko? Hatid kita sa inyo.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. Takot ba siya sa dugo? Hindi ko naman ikakamatay ’to. Sabi ng doctor ko, sa stress lang daw ’to. Nothing serious. Stressed ako tuwing nasa school. Baka matigil lang ’to kapag may Atty na naka-kabit sa simula ng pangalan ko.

“Okay,” sabi ko na lang kahit wala naman akong balak hintayin siya. All I really needed him to do was to go back to his classroom. I’d blame myself kung matawag siya sa recit tapos wala siya dahil sinamahan niya ako sa clinic. Alam ko kung gaano ka-importante ang bawat recit lalo na at finals na ngayon.

Kinausap ni Iñigo iyong nurse bago siya bumalik. Ang daming bilin.

“Boyfriend mo, Cha?” Jenny asked.

“Hindi.”

“Bakit? Cute kaya. Bagay kayo.”

“Busy ako.”

“Busy din ’yun. Ayaw mo nun? Study date kayo. Parehas na law student. Pero feel ko bagay talaga sa ’yo doctor para maalaga, e. Gusto mo ba? Hanap kita. Bagay sa ’yo pedia para mahaba pasensya.”

Hindi na ako sumagot. I realized that sometimes, the best answer is silence. Lalo na kapag alam ko na wala namang sense kahit pa suamgot ako dahil may nabuo ng sagot sa utak iyong kausap ko, I’d tell myself to be silent and just conserve my energy.

After a while, tumayo na ako.

“Aalis ka na?” she asked. I nodded. “Sabi nung kasama mo hihintayin mo siya, ah?”

“Ah… Kukunin ko lang bag ko sa classroom,” I just said para matigil na ang usapan. Dumiretso ako sa classroom. Nakita ko si Jax na naka-upo mag-isa sa bench.

“Favor?” I asked. “Kunin mo naman bag ko sa room.”

“Uuwi ka na?” he asked.

I nodded. “Hindi naman na papasok ’yun…” He was looking at the drops of blood on my clothes, but Jax didn’t ask. Buti pa siya hindi nagtatanong kapag hindi siya concerned. I really couldn’t blame myself na naging crush ko siya.

Jax managed to get my things from the room quietly. Akala ko kasabay na lalabas ng bag ko iyong si Rory at Yago, e. Nagpasalamat lang ako kay Jax bago nagsimulang bumaba. Sana lang talaga tama ako na absent iyong prof ko. Ayoko na rin kasing pumasok sa room na may dugo iyong damit ko. I hated explaining myself to people.

I was standing outside, tissue stuffed in my nose, waiting for my ride.

“Kulit mo talaga, no?”

I sighed. “Gusto mo talagang ma-delay, no?”

“Natawag na ko,” he replied, then smiled a little. “Salamat pala. Natanong sa ’kin ’yung sinabi mo sa ’kin nung isang araw.”

I smiled a little. Good for him. “Umalis ka sa room?” I asked.

“Technically, nagCR lang ako,” he said, his hands inside his pocket. “Sabi ko hintayin mo ako. Bakit aalis ka na?”

Tumingin ako sa phone ko at nakita na medyo malayo pa iyong sakay ko pauwi. “Hindi mo naman ako kailangan ihatid. ’Di ako bata.”

Iñigo stood there, hands still inside his pockets, but his eyes looked at me like he was trying to bore a hole in my face. “Can I make an observation?” he asked.

“No.”

He smiled softly. “Why… are you so scared of being taken cared of? It’s okay to be independent… but it’s okay to be dependent, too. Sometimes. You don’t have to be strong all the time, you know?” seryosong sabi niya sa akin.

“This is making me uncomfortable.”

“Good,” he said. “That means you can still feel things.”

“Hindi ako robot.”

“Are you sure?”

I glared at him. “Shut up.”

He grinned. “Charisse Faith… You softie.”

I rolled my eyes as I groaned. “Bumalik ka na nga ’dun! Bakit ba napaka-kulit mo?”

“Ang sarap mong kulitin, e,” he said, shrugging.

“Si Katherine na lang kulitin mo.”

He laughed. “May boyfriend na ’yun.”

“But you still like her.”

“Selos ka?”

“You didn’t deny it.”

“Selos ka muna?”

I sighed, exasperated. He’s so annoying! Silang dalawa ni Yago ang bagay maging magkaibigan! Siguro kung ka-batch namin si Iñigo, sila ni Yago ang magiging close.

Thankfully, dumating na iyong sundo ko. Iñigo opened the door for me. Tahimik akong pumasok doon. Sinubukan kong isara na iyong pinto para matahimik na ako, pero ayaw niyang bitawan iyon.

“Good night, Miss Independent,” he said, smiling.

Huminga ako nang malalim habang pilit na kinakalma ang sarili ko. Biglang gusto ko na lang bumalik sa panahon na hindi niya alam ang pangalan ko.

“Rest well. Bukas ka na mag-aral. Health is wealth. Walang kwenta pagiging abogado kung patay ka na. Dapat—” sabi niya pero mabilis ko siyang tinulak at sinarado iyong pinto. I told the driver to speed away. Tumingin ako sa likod at nakita ko si Iñigo na kumakaway sa papalayong sasakyan habang naka-ngiti. Baliw talaga.

Chapter 06

#CTG06 Chapter 06

“Charisse Faith,” Dad called. I immediately stilled in my seat. Every time I’d hear his voice, biglang bumibilis ang tibok ng puso ko. It’s as if I was being chased to my death—that’s how I feel every time he’d call my name… And I knew that that wasn’t how it’s supposed to be. He’s my father, after all… But this was how we all grew up—with tons of expectation on our shoulder.

“Yes, Dad?” I answered.

“Since you’ll be on your third year next sem,” he began. Humigpit ang hawak ko sa kutsara. “I was thinking if maybe you want to try working already? So that you can apply what you’re learning in school.”

My lips parted. Was… he serious? If I could proceed to my third year without my head exploding from all the things I needed to remember, I’d have eight subjects during the first sem—including Civil Proceedure. Tapos gusto niya na magtrabaho pa ako?

I wanted to ask him if he’s trying to push me into having a nervous breakdown, but my question remained hidden in the side of my mind… I wonder what it would take for me to finally reach my breaking point and just tell him that I couldn’t do it anymore?

“Can I think about it?” I asked.

“Of course,” he said with a smile but I knew that he’s already made up his mind.

God, I’d need better time management. Looked like I’d be working next year.

The rest of the breakfast was the usual—interrogation and morning report of our standing in school. Naka-hinga lang ako nang maluwag nang marinig kong umalis na iyong sasakyan ni Papa.

“Tell him no,” Charlie said.

“No?”

“About the work thing. Tell him you don’t want to work.”

I scoffed. “As if he’ll accept any answer other than yes. “

Kinuha ko iyong bag ko. I wanted to go to school already because I never liked staying at home… but come to think of it, I never really liked staying in school, too, because I’m constantly reminded of all the subjects that I needed to pass.

I just wish for a day when I’d find a place where I can feel relaxed and not like I’m on the verge of mental collapse.

“You wanna be like me?” he asked in a more serious tone. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. Charlie… used to be Dad’s favorite. Now, he’s like this egg shell that Dad walks around on. He was supposed to be the first lawyer in the family, but in the middle of his third year, he just snapped. Good thing Chase decided that he needed something from Charlie that day… Kung hindi? I wouldn’t know what would happen.

“I’m okay,” I said.

“Next year’s the hardest. Don’t work.”

Ngumiti ako. “I’ll be okay, Charlie,” I said, smiling before I grabbed the bag and walked out of the house. Naglakad-lakad muna ako palabas ng village. I liked walking in the morning because it’s the only time when my mind’s free from thinking. Pinapabayaan ko iyong sarili ko na tumingin lang sa paligid at ’wag mag-isip nang masyado. But after that, pagdating ko sa school, that’s when my day begins.

“Shit!” I uttered when I realized that my civil law codal wasn’t in my bag. Kailangan ko pa naman ’yun ngayon! I chewed on my lower lip, deciding kung uuwi muna ba ako sa bahay para kunin… Pero paano kung makita ko si Papa? Minsan pa naman umuuwi ’yun sa bahay… Pero kailangan ko talaga ’yung codal… I doubted kung may magpapahiram sa akin dahil lahat kami kailangan ’yun…

Bahala na nga.

Bumaba ako mula sa library. Nagreready na para magbook ng sasakyan nang mapatigil ako dahil may nakita na naman akong naglalakad na sunflower.

“Good morning,” Iñigo greeted.

“Morning,” I simply replied, frowning because I saw how much I needed to pay for the ride home. Ang tanga lang kasi. Bakit hindi ko chineck?

“Good morning.”

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. “Good morning,” ulit ko kasi parang tanga lang. Maglalakad na sana ako ulit palabas ng gate kasi kailangan kong maka-uwi agad para maka-balik din ako agad.

“Oh,” sabi niya sabay abot ng paper bag.

“Ano ’yan?” tanong ko habang naka-tingin lang.

He laughed. I really needed to know what’s the secret to his constant laughing. I wanted to be like him… but how?

“Regalo,” sabi niya.

“Di ko birthday.”

“Di lang naman kapag birthday pwedeng magregalo, Miss Indepen—”

“Stop calling me that!” sigaw ko sa kanya. Napa-hinga ako bigla nang malalim. Akala ko si Yago na iyong pinaka-makakapagpataas ng blood pressure ko, but Iñigo’s proving to be a contender.

He laughed again. “Ang seryoso talaga,” he said, still trying to get me to receive the paper bag he was holding. “Sa ’yo kasi ’to,” sabi niya at nang hindi ko pa rin kunin, kinuha niya iyong kamay ko at siya na mismo iyong naglagay.

“Bago mo ako barahin kung ano ang gagawin mo d’yan kasi may codal ka na—”

Bigla kong binuksan iyong paper bag na bigay niya. It’s the codal that I left at home… but this one’s new… Pero naka-engrave na sa harap iyong buong pangalan ko.

“Puro dugo na iyong isang codal mo. Grabe naman kasi ’yung kagabi, parang gripo ’yang ilong mo—”

“Nasa ’yo codal ko?” I asked.

He nodded. “Pero binilan kitang bago.”

Nilahad ko iyong kamay ko. “Akin na ’yung luma,” I said, returning the new one to him. “Ayoko nito.”

“Puro dugo na ’yun.”

“Don’t care,” I answered. That’s my codal ever since I was in college. That’s important to me. Nandun lahat ng highlights at notes ko. “I appreciate the gesture, but I need my old codal—”

“Buksan mo muna ’to,” he said, handing over the new one.

“Iñigo—”

“Cha,” he said, cutting me off and effectively making my teeth grit in frustration.

Muli akong huminga nang malalim. It’s barely a month of knowing Iñigo, but I felt like I already aged a year sa sobrang kulit niya. This guy doesn’t know how to take no for an answer.

Mabilis kong binuksan iyong bagong codal pero nasa kanya pa rin ang mga mata ko. There’s this giddy and excited look on his face kaya bigla akong kinabahan… Ano ba ang naka-lagay dito kaya ganyan siyang ka-excited?

“Alam ko importante sa ’yo ’yung codal mo kasi ’yun na ’yung kasama mo mula undergrad ka,” he said, smiling widely. “I also think that you’re the kind of person who dislikes changes… but some changes are good, you know?” he continued, tilting his head to the right, still sporting that grin on his annoying face.

I began to flip the pages on the new codal. My lips parted when I saw the familiar highlights and notes. Agad na nabaling ang tingin ko kay Iñigo. Naka-ngiti pa rin siya.

“Kagabi ko lang naiwan ’yung codal,” I said, finally realizing that I wasn’t stupid for leaving my codal at home… Naiwan ko nung kasama ko siya dahil nagpapanic siya sa pagdudugo ng ilong ko.

He nodded and tapped his bag. “Nandito pa rin naman ’yung codal mo kung gusto mo… pero puro dugo talaga, Cha. Hassle ilabas. Pagtitinginan ka kapag gamit mo.”

I was breathing hardly while standing in front of him, the new codal in my hand… Iyong codal na nilagyan niya ng highlights kagaya nang highlights ko dati pati notes ko.

“Nandyan lahat ng notes mo, don’t worry. Pati ’yung page flags—pero hindi kagaya nung sa ’yo kasi iba ’yung sa ’kin.”

“Why are you doing this?” I asked. I didn’t know what he wanted. And I didn’t want to constantly wonder why he’s doing this. Marami akong kailangang gawin. Wala akong time isipin siya.

“Wala naman,” sagot niya.

“So, out of boredom, bumili ka ng codal at naisipan mo na maghighlight at magsulat ng notes ko?”

He shrugged. “Hindi naman buong codal may highlights. Iyong obli, family code, sales—”

“Wag kang pilosopo.”

He laughed. “Ang sungit talaga…” he said with that annoying smile of his. “Consider that as thanks for helping me in obli?”

“A simple thank you would’ve sufficed,” I said.

“You’re making me want to shower you with more kindness. “

I rolled my eyes. “Thanks for… this,” I said, showing him the new codal. Tumalikod na ako at nagsimulang maglakad nang marinig ko na naman iyong mahinang pagtawa niya. Ni hindi pa ako nakaka-layo nang maramdaman ko na nasa gilid ko na naman siya.

“Di mo na kukunin ’yung isang codal?” he asked.

“Sa ’yo na.”

“Okay,” he said. “Ganda ng notes mo sa obli. Kopyahin ko?”

“Bahala ka.”

“Sungit.”

“Thanks.”

He laughed. May sasabihin pa sana ulit siya kaya lang natigil siya sa paglalakad nang may naka-salubong kami na babae. Mukhang med student dahil naka-uniform ng college of medicine. I wanted to continue walking, but my traitor eyes betrayed me and took a quick glance of the girl in front of us.

It seemed like Iñigo has a type…

Kahawig ni Katherine—not physically, though. Katherine looked like she’d claw you anytime… but at the same time, she looks very cute. It’s so weird sometimes. Kagaya ng babae sa harap namin ngayon. She’s cute. Ganoon pala ang type ni Iñigo.

So, bakit niya ako kinukulit? I’m far from cute. I have what they call resting bitch face.

Tinawag nung babae iyong pangalan ni Iñigo. That was my cue to leave. I didn’t want to listen to their conversation kaya naman dumiretso na ako sa library.

“Hi.”

Tumingin ako sa paligid. Wala ng ibang space. Kasalanan ’to ni—

Huminga ako nang malalim. No use in blaming anyone.

“Hi,” sagot ko kay Katherine at nilagay ko iyong bag ko sa ibaba. I pulled the chair and sat beside her. Gusto ko sanang lumabas, pero baka ma-offend siya kapag iniwan ko siya dito. Pero ang awkward din. Ang awkward niya kasi sa ’kin. Hindi ko naman aagawin sa kanya si Jax. Ang weird din naman kung sasabihin ko sa kanya ’yun. Hindi rin naman pwede na ’wag kong pansinin si Jax kasi magkaklase kami.

So, I did what I thought at that time was the best to do…

Nagtulug-tulugan muna ako.

I got the shawl from my bag at nagtakip muna ako. I plugged the airpods in my ear and listened to a recorded discussion about Insurance. Mamaya na lang ako aalis para hindi obvious na ayoko siyang kagabi.

I was in the middle of listening when the speaker paused. Kaya naman may narinig akong pamilyar na boses na kausap ni Katherine.

“Ang baba talaga ng quiz ko…” I heard Katherine said. “Balita less than 10 lang daw ipapasa sa bawat section… Babagsak talaga ako…”

I heard that laugh.

“Papasa ka,” Iñigo said. “San ka ba nahihirapan sa Obli? ’Di ka ba tinuturuan ng boyfriend mo?”

“Busy ’yun… Ayoko istorbohin. Okay naman; babasahin ko na lang ulit mamaya.”

“San ka nahihirapan?”

Akala mo ang galing sa obli. Magtuturo pa.

“Iyong sa Statute of Fraud,” Katherine said. “Medyo nalilito ako sa rules.”

I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes when I began to hear him explaining to Katherine the things that I explained to him few nights ago. I grabbed my phone and instead listened to a music and drowned their voices from my head.

Chapter 07

#CTG07 Chapter 07

“Review tayo?” Jax asked. Today’s our freecut… but not really dahil bukas na iyong revalida namin para sa Labor Standards. Sigurado ako na nag-aral na ako, pero kinakabahan pa rin ako. It’s a one-time chance—kapag hindi ako naka-sagot nang maayos, mauuwi sa wala lahat ng effort ko para sa recit ngayong finals period.

“Ayoko. Magalit girlfriend mo,” I seriously told him.

“Galit ka ba kay Katherine?” he asked, curious.

Umiling ako. Wala akong time magalit. Time consuming ’yun. Kailangan ko ng maayos na grades para pumasok sa QPI iyong average ko. Hindi ako pwedeng ma-kickout sa school dahil papagalitan ako. And with all the pressure I get from school and at home, the last thing I needed was people telling me that I wasn’t doing enough… because God knows I’m already doing my best.

Hindi ko pinansin si Jax kaya sumama na lang siya kina Yago at Rory na nagtatanungan ng possible questions na lumabas sa Revalida. Nandun ako sa isang gilid at isang beses pa ulit na binasa iyong mga tanong. I answered the questions randomly and made sure that I could squeez in 2 minutes all the pertinent facts in the case.

God. Two more weeks. Two more weeks at bakasyon na. Konti na lang.

I was in the middle of reciting the requirements for Labor Related Injuries nang makita ko si Iñigo. He stopped on his tracks and waved at me. Tumalikod lang ako sa kanya. And when I heard his footsteps, tumayo ako at pumasok sa CR.

Seriously… wala akong time sa kahit na ano ngayon. I knew my goal and that’s to pass. Everything else was immaterial and not worth my time.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal sa CR. Tinamad na rin akong umalis kasi comfortable pala magreview doon. Umalis lang ako nung biglang may umiyak sa katabing cubicle. Ang awkward… ’di ko alam sasabihin ko… Kaya naman inabutan ko na lang ng tissue sa ibaba tapos umalis na ako.

Thankfully, wala na si Iñigo paglabas ko. Nagdecide ako na umalis na kasi ewan ko… Nababadtrip lang ako kapag nakikita ko siya. Ayoko na ring isipin kung bakit. Hindi na rin tuloy ako pumupunta masyado sa library dahil baka makita ko siya. I found a new coffee shop na medyo malayo sa school, pero sobrang tahimik kaya nakakapag-aral ako. Naglalakad lang din ako pabalik at papunta sa school mula sa coffee shop at iyon na iyong pinaka-pahinga ko.

That had been my routine for the last week. Hindi ko masyadong nakikita si Iñigo dahil sa coffee shop na muna ako nag-aaral. I couldn’t afford to have any distraction right now and whether I’d admit it or not, Iñigo’s kind of a distraction.

“Kinakabahan ako,” Rory said.

“You got this, baby,” I heard Yago say. It made me roll my eyes. Ilang beses ko na narinig pero kapag kay Yago galing, kinikilabutan talaga ako. Hindi ko pa rin alam kung bakit nagpa-uto si Rory sa kanya… Seriously, Rory could do better.

“Good luck,” Jax told me. Ang awkward kasi may naglalandian sa tabi naming dalawa.

“Thanks,” I replied. “Good luck din.”

Ilang minuto pa kaming naghintay sa labas ng classroom para sa pagdating ng prof namin. We’re all required to dress as if we’d appear before the court kaya naman naka-suot ng suit and tie iyong mga lalaki. I was wearing a black pantsuit while Rory’s wearing a gray striped pantsuit.

Biglang bumilis iyong tibok ng puso ko nang dumating na si Atty. Nag-aral naman ako… pero minsan kahit gaano ka ka-aral, kapag malas ka, malas ka lang talaga.

The revalida quickly began. Isa-isang natawag iyong mga classmates ko. Nabunot na iyong ibang mahihirap iexplain na concept, pero mas marami iyong naubos na madadali. Kailangan ko na talagang matawag!

“Viste,” Atty finally called.

Huminga ako nang malalim bago tumayo at naglakad papunta sa harapan. My hands were slightly trembling as I got a question from the fish bowl.

“Explain the Limited Portability Law,” I read the paper said. Huminga muli ako nang malalim bago nagsimulang iexplain iyong concept. I began with the general concept, but while I was speaking, something inside me snapped… And I kinda lost it from there. Shit!

Tumigil ako sandali.

Huminga nang malalim.

I got this.

I fucking got this.

I began to explain the law again, but I already saw that I lost some points… and time because we were only given 2 minutes to explain everything. And the law’s very broad kaya hindi ko napili agad kung ano ang sasabihin ko.

I was cursing inside my head nang bumalik ako sa upuan ko. Malas. Ang malas.

“Nasagot mo naman,” Rory said. Hindi ako sumagot. She wouldn’t understand. I knew she meant well… but she’d just never understand.

Tahimik ako hanggang sa matapos iyong buong revalida. Inannounce iyong mga naka-kuha ng highest grade—kasama doon si Jax at Yago. I was so pissed at myself for losing it in the middle of the recitation. This was the most important recitation of the whole semester… It’s the Labor revalida—5 units course! This could literally get me kicked out kung hindi maayos ang grade ko. Bakit ngayon pa nagpanic iyong utak ko?!

Nagmamadali akong umalis nang palabasin na kami. I wanted to congrats Yago and Jax because they deserved it… but I was just so disappointed at myself kaya nagmadali akong umalis.

Panay ang paghinga ko nang malalim habang hinihintay na makapagbook.

“Not now, please,” I said when I felt Iñigo’s presence beside me. I knew it was him—I was already familiar with his presence… and the cologne he was always wearing.

“Dinner tayo?” he asked.

“Pagod na ko.”

“Gusto mong magrant? Makikinig ako. Hindi ako magsasalita, promise.”

Hindi ko alam kung bakit nagsimulang tumulo iyong luha mula sa mga mata ko. I don’t cry. Hindi ako umiiyak. I was raised to be strong; I was raised to be an achiever. Hindi ako umiiyak dahil wala namang naitutulong ang pag-iyak sa akin. Crying wouldn’t make me a winner… Crying’s for losers—that’s what my father kept on saying.

He stood there as my stupid tears began to flow. I wanted them to stop but they just wouldn’t stop. Pagod na ko. Pagod na talaga ako. Pero hindi ako pwedeng tumigil kasi bawal…

Pero pagod na ko.

Pagod na talaga ako.

“Maarte ka ba sa pagkain?” tanong niya pagkatapos ng ilang minuto ng katahimikan. Tunog lang ng mga dumadaan na sasakyan ang naririnig namin.

“No,” I said.

“Sure ka? Mukha ka kasing rich kid,” he said.

“Hindi ako rich kid,” sabi ko.

“Sure ka?”

Tumigil iyong luha ko dahil napalitan ng pagka-irita sa kanya. Mabilis kong pinunasan iyong mga mata ko at tumingin sa kanya. He was smiling at me. If there’s a personification of a sunflower? That’d be him.

“Mas marunong ka pa sa ’kin?”

He laughed. “That’s the Cha I know,” he said. “Meron kasi dito… Medyo malayo pero safe naman lakarin… Kumakain ka ba ng pares?” he asked.

Umiling ako. “Ano ’yun?”

“Sabi na nga, rich kid!”

I groaned. “Hindi nga ako rich kid,” I said. “Iyong dad ko ’yung may pera, hindi ako.”

He smiled. “Magkaiba ba ’yun?”

“Yes. Kasi hindi ko pera ’yun.”

I wanted my own place, my own car, my own money… I seriously couldn’t wait for the day when I could say that I finally made it… And for the day when I wouldn’t need anyone else’s approval.

But for now, all those were but a dream.

Kailangan ko pang mag-aral.

Pagod na ako pero magpapa-hinga lang. Kasi hindi pa ako tapos.

“Okay, sabi mo, e…” he said. “So, pares, gusto mo?”

Iñigo looked like he wouldn’t drop it, so I said yes. Hindi ko alam kung saan na kami papunta pero nasa area pa rin naman kami ng school kaya hindi ako kinakabahan… medyo. Baka kasi bigla na naman siyang hampasin ng bote sa ulo niya. Medyo na-trauma ako doon.

“Okay ka lang?” tanong niya nang mapansin na patingin-tingin ako sa paligid.

“Hindi,” sagot ko. “Baka mahampas ka na naman. Ayokong pumunta sa ospital ngayon.”

Bigla siyang tumawa nang malakas. “Grabe!” he said. “Sobrang honest mo talaga, no?”

“Nakaka-tamad magsinungaling. Kailangan ko pang tandaan kung ano ’yung kasinungalingan na sinabi ko.”

He nodded. “Sobrang interesting… ng perspective mo.”

“I just have a lot in my mind. Ayoko lang dagdagan.”

“Roger, Miss Viste.”

I rolled my eyes. “So annoying.”

“Would you rather I call you Miss Independent?”

Huminga ako nang malalim. “Uuwi na lang ako.”

Tumawa siya. “Ito naman, hindi mabiro!” sabi niya. “At saka don’t worry, walang hahampas sa ulo ko… I think.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “ I think? “

He nodded. “Yeah… Tahimik naman sa frat. Wala namang hampasan na mangyayari. Busy lahat sa finals.”

“Bakit ka ba sumali d’yan sa frat?” I asked without thinking. “I mean, don’t answer. Never mind,” I quickly added. I didn’t want him to think that I was prying. That’s still his life after all—his decisions and mistakes to make.

“May scholarship nga kasi,” sabi niya.

“Marami namang ibang scholarship.”

“Alam ko… pero basta. Okay naman sila. Wala namang regular na basagan ng bote na nangyayari, if that’s what you’re wondering about,” he said, smiling.

Hindi na ako nagsalita. Naka-rating kami sa sinasabi ni Iñigo na kainan. It looked okay—it looked clean. Hindi naman ako maarte sa kakainan basta malinis. Ayoko kasi magka-sakit. Wala rin akong time magka-sakit.

Iñigo ordered for me. Tahimik lang akong naghintay.

“Bakit ganyan suot mo?” he asked, pointing at my pantsuit.

“Labor. Revalida.”

“Ah…” he said, nodding. “May revalida din kami sa Obli.”

“Mukhang okay ka naman na sa Obli,” I said, remembering kung paano niya tinuran si Katherine. Kung kinakaya nga niyang magturo sa iba, sigurado akong kaya niya na ’yan.

“Hindi pa kaya,” he said. “Gusto ko ngang magpa-turo sa ’yo kaya lang busy ka, e.”

I arched my brow. “Kaya mo na ’yan.”

“Hindi, ah. Litung-lito pa nga rin ako sa Obli. ’Yung sa contracts okay na ako… Sa obli part pa rin ’yung hindi ko maintindihan,” explain niya sa akin pero ’di ko na siya pinansin.

Dumating na iyong pagkain. I took my first bite.

“Okay ba?” Iñigo asked, looking like a kid who’s waiting for an approval.

“Okay naman,” I answered. Masarap nga siya. Bakit ngayon lang ako nakakain ng ganito?

He laughed. “Hirap mo talagang i-please, no?”

I shrugged. “You don’t have to worry about that. I can handle myself,” I said. I remember someone telling me that the reason why I don’t have a boyfriend ay dahil daw high maintenance ako… Whatever that means. But I didn’t need someone to maintain me. I can maintain myself. If I’d get myself a boyfriend—it’s because I want him in my life, hindi para i-maintain ako.

“Didn’t mean that as an insult,” sabi niya.

“Di naman ako na-insulto,” sagot ko.

“Good. Baka iwasan mo na naman ako, e.”

“Di kita iniiwasan.”

“Bakit tinaguan mo ako sa CR?”

“Busy ako nun.”

“Sure.”

I ignored him and focused on my eating. This is seriously good. Hindi ko na tanda kung paano kami naka-rating dito. Tandaan ko nga mamaya.

“Bakit ka umiiyak kanina?” he asked.

“Wala lang ’yun.”

“Yung Ice Queen, umiiyak, tapos wala lang?”

I glared at him. “Hindi ako Ice Queen.”

He laughed. “Kambal na lang ni Olaf, mas gusto mo ’yun?”

I pursed my lips. “Look… I just… I have an awful lot of expectations I need to meet, okay? Kung nakikita mo na seryoso ako, dahil ’yun kailangan kong maging seryoso.”

“Pwede namang magrelax minsan,” he said.

“Not me.”

“Nakaka-matay ang stress, alam mo ’yun?”

Hindi ako sumagot. I knew that. Charlie tried to hang himself while he was in the middle of a nervous breakdown. Of course I knew na nakaka-matay ang stress.

“Okay lang naman magseryoso… Ako rin naman seryoso.”

“Kailan?”

He laughed. “Grabe naman ’to! Seryoso naman ako minsan. May scholarship kaya ako kaya kailangan mataas din grades ko.”

I just nodded. Sana scholar na lang din ako… Mas kakayanin ko pa ’yun kaysa sa laging pagtatanong ni Papa sa akin kung mas mataas na ba iyong ranking ko kina Yago at Jax.

“Papasa ka naman. Master mo na ’yung obli.”

“Hindi nga kasi. San mo ba nakuha ’yan na master ako ng obli? Feeling ko nga babagsak na ko, e.”

I shrugged. Bakit ko sasabihin sa kanya? Wala akong time ma-confuse.

“Gusto mo pang kanin?” he asked. Napansin niya pala na ubos na iyong kanin ko tapos may ulam pa ako. Napa-kunot iyong noo ko… Hindi naman ako malakas kumain… O baka nasanay lang ako sa bahay na mabilis lang ako kumain kasi mas gusto kong makaalis kaysa kumain.

“Pwede?” I asked.

“Syempre naman,” sabi niya tapos tumayo para umorder ng kanina. He got one for him, too. Tahimik lang kaming kumain. Siya iyong nagbayad ng kinain namin kahit pilit kong inabot sa kanya iyong bayad nung sa ’kin.

“Okay ka na?” he asked. I was focused on memorizing the direction. Baka dito ulit ako kumain bukas.

“Ha?” I answered. “Ah… oo. Okay na ko.”

“So, hindi ka nga okay kanina?”

Natigilan ako. He’s good.

“Hindi lang ako naka-sagot nang maayos kanina. Pero okay naman.”

“Bawi ka na lang.”

“Wala ng babawiin. Last recit na ’yun.”

“E ’di galingan mo na lang sa finals?”

“Gagalingan ko talaga kahit ’di mo sabihin.”

He laughed. “Tapos ayaw mong sinasabihan na Ice Queen?” I rolled my eyes. “San ka mag-aaral bukas?”

“Bakit?”

“Sabay ako? Tapos paturo ng obli kapag may free time ka.”

“Okay ka na sa obli.”

“Hindi nga. Sino ba nagpakalat niyan? Fake news.”

Kinulit lang ako ni Iñigo hanggang sa maka-balik kami sa school. Sinamahan niya ako habang naghihintay sa pagdating ng sasakyan.

“Cha,” tawag niya. Tumingin ako sa kanya. “This is gonna be weird but… it was nice seeing you cry.” Ngumiti siya. “Okay lang maging tao. Di mo kailangan maging perfect lagi.”

Chapter 08

#CTG08 Chapter 08

The final exams ended as quickly as they started. Naka-hinga lang ako nang maluwag nang matapos akong magcheck ng mga sagot ko sa finals namin sa ATP… And then I had to read it once more just to be sure… I needed to pass. I needed to proceed to third year. Konti na lang talaga matatapos na ako.

Some of my classmates were planning to go to karaoke bar and drink. Iyong iba on the way na sa beach. Si Jax, biglang nawala. Si Yago, wala akong pakielam.

Me? I just wanted some pares.

That’s my reward for studying so hard this week.

Diretso akong lumabas ng school. Hindi na ako nagstay dahil ayoko munang makipag-usap sa mga tao. Normally, I’d ask Jax kung ano iyong sagot niya dahil nape-pressure akong magkaroon ng mataas na grades… but tonight, I just wanted to eat a good dinner and then go have a peaceful sleep.

“Miss Independent!”

Shit.

“What?” I asked.

“San ka pupunta?”

I shrugged. “Uwi na,” sabi ko.

He raised his brow. “Uuwi… dito daan mo?” tanong niya.

“Are you insinuating something?” I asked, my brows arched, too.

“Sabi kaya ni Ate lagi kang kumakain ’dun! ’Di man lang nag-aaya!” sabi niya na para bang kasalanan ko pa na hindi kami sabay kumakain. At bakit sinasabi ni Ate sa kanya na kumakain ako doon?

Nagkibit-balikat na lang ako. Baka baliktarin niya pa kung anuman ang sabihin ko. Isa iyon sa napansin ko kay Iñigo, he could easily twist your words in his favor. He’d really make a good lawyer.

Nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad habang naka-sabay siya sa akin. I appreciated him shutting his mouth. Gusto ko lang ng katahimikan ngayon dahil buong linggo akong stressed dahil sa finals. Pati sa bahay stressed din ako dahil tinatanong na ako ni Papa tungkol sa desisyon ko sa pagta-trabaho. I really didn’t want to work because I already got too much on my plate… but at the same time, I didn’t know how to say no.

“Bakit?” he asked when he answered his phone. “May pupuntahan ako e… Pass muna…” Then he laughed. “Try ko sumunod.”

Binaba niya na iyong tawag. Tumingin ako sa kanya. “Block mates mo?”

He nodded. “Nag-aaya lang uminom.”

“Di ka sasama?”

“Hindi. Sabay tayong magdidinner, ’di ba?”

“Ako lang magdidinner; sumabit ka lang.”

“Grabe? Kahit ako nagsabi sa ’yo ng lugar na ’yun?”

“So, utang na loob ko?”

“Grabe talaga,” sabi niya na natatawa. “Bakit napaka-sama mo talaga sa ’kin, no? Pero sabagay, mas mawe-weirduhan ako kung mabait ka… Iisipin ko talaga nagka-mental breakdown ka na.”

Hindi ulit ako sumagot. Excited na akong kumain. Hindi ako nakakain kanina dahil na-pressure ako sa exams. Last na kasi. Kailangan ayusin ko na talaga. Ayoko naman na makickout while knowing that I could’ve done better. Kung makikickout man ako, gusto ko alam ko na ginawa ko lahat para kumapit.

“Hi po,” I greeted the owner of the stall before I took my seat. I wasn’t as friendly as Iñigo, but I have manners.

I ordered my usual—pares and two cups of rice. Dito lang kasi ako nakakakain nang maayos. Sa bahay, napipilitan lang ako kumain dahil papagalitan ako kapag nagpalipas ako ng gutom. Tapos feeling ko may indigestion ako palagi sa bahay dahil sa bilis kong ngumuya.

“Kamusta exam?” he asked.

“Okay naman.”

“Di mo ko tatanungin?”

“Kamusta exam?”

He laughed. “Thanks sa interest,” sabi niya dahil sobrang disinterested ng tono ng pagkaka-tanong ko sa kanya. Hindi ko kasi alam kung ano ba ang itatanong ko sa kanya. Okay naman na ako kay Iñigo… just not as comfortable as he was with me.

“Sobrang hirap ba ng second year?” he asked.

“Mukha bang nadalian ako?”

“Mukha bang naghahanap ako ng away?” he asked. “Alam mo—ay, ’wag na lang.”

I arched my brow. “Ano’ng alam ko?”

“Wala.”

“Ano nga?”

“Wala nga.”

“Oh, tapos ngayon interesado ka sa ’kin?”

I rolled my eyes. Ang arte. Mabuti na lang dumating iyong order kaya doon ako nagfocus. Nag-enjoy ako sa pagkain. Nasa kalahati na ako nung unang cup ko ng kanin nang mapansin ko na hindi kumakain iyong kasama ko dahil naka-tingin lang siya sa ’kin.

“Ano?” tanong ko dahil nakaka-conscious na naka-tingin siya habang kumakain ako.

“Wala,” he said, shaking his head as he began to eat. Weirdo.

Tahimik lang kaming kumain dalawa. Kanya-kanya kami ng bayad sa kinain namin—though Iñigo tried to pay for my food but I glared at him and paid for my own. Tinawanan niya ako at sinabihan na naman ng Miss Independent… as if that’s such a bad thing.

Pagkatapos namin dun, naglakad kami pabalik sa school. Puno iyong kalsada malapit sa SCA ng mga law students na tumatalon, sumisigaw, may umiiyak—generally, masaya dahil sa wakas, tapos na iyong school year na ’to. I could be one of them except that I was still looking forward to the conversation I’d be having with my father sometime this week.

“Tapos na school year,” he said. I merely nodded. “Gusto mo na ulit magpasukan?”

My forehead creased. “Of course not.”

“Bakit ’di ka masaya?”

“Iniisip ko lang ’yung sasabihin ko sa Dad ko.”

“Gusto mong ishare?”

“Not really.”

“Okay.”

Akala ko diretso pa kaming maglalakad dun sa pwesto sa harap ng gate dahil doon talaga iyong pickup point ko kapag nagbu-book, but Iñigo halted. Napa-tingin tuloy ako sa kanya.

“Bakit?” I asked because he looked like he’d just seen a ghost.

“Dito ka na lang magpa-sundo,” sabi niya.

“Bakit?” tanong ko ulit tapos tumingin doon sa parte na tinignan niya bago siya magka-ganito. I squinted my eyes and saw that those were the same guys na pinagsinungalingan niya dati nung may humampas ng bote sa ulo niya. “Pinagtataguan mo?” I asked.

“Hindi, ah…”

“Believable,” I said, nodding.

Napa-suklay siya sa buhok niya gamit ang mga daliri niya. If Iñigo didn’t tell me that he’s not rich, I really would’ve thought that he’s one… The way he carries himself? It’s like he’s so sure of everything.

But then again, maybe he’s just good at faking it.

“Mag-iinuman lang kasi sila…” paliwanag niya.

“Ayaw mong sumama?”

“Pagod na ko, e. Gusto ko na lang matulog.”

“E ’di dapat kanina ka pa umuwi.”

He looked at me and smiled. “Syempre sinamahan muna kita.”

“Bata ba talaga ako sa paningin mo?”

He laughed. “You know… Hirap mong landiin, no? ’Di ka cooperative.”

“Ah… Nilalandi mo na ba ko sa lagay na ’to?”

Mas sumingkit iyong mata niya sa pagtawa. “Medyo… Hindi pa? Ewan. Natatakot kasi ako sa ’yo. ’Di pa ko nagsisimula, napapa-tigil na agad ako, e.”

I nodded my head. “Kung natatakot ka sa ’kin, ’wag mo ng simulan,” I said. I didn’t need someone who’s scared of me. Ano’ng sense nun kung takot lang siya sa ’kin? I needed someone who’s my equal—who wouldn’t be afraid to correct me when I’m wrong, to congratulate me when I do something right. I didn’t want someone whom I’d have to convince not to be scared of me.

“Di naman sa takot—”

“Ikaw nagsabi na takot ka.”

“More like… intimidated,” he said. “You’re this very smart girl who obviously knows what she wants… I’m just afraid to try because you already know what you want. And paano kapag hindi ako ’yun? Hirap, ’di ba? Kasi basted agad.”

I shrugged. Bata pa naman ako. Saka ko na iisipin ’yan. Basta mag-aaral muna ako. Ayokong ibaba iyong standards ko para lang magkaroon ng boyfriend. I didn’t want to live everyday wondering if I made the right decision.

And I didn’t want to wake up one day resenting the person I am with just because he really isn’t my choice… just an option because I was lonely.

So, I’d take all the time I could get and just patiently wait.

“Kaya kakaibiganin na lang kita,” sabi niya.

“Okay.”

“Okay lang sa ’yo?”

“I’ve made peace with myself na kahit ano’ng gawin ko, nasa iisang school lang tayo.”

He laughed. “Di mo na ko tataguan sa CR?”

I rolled my eyes and got my phone and booked my ride. Tawa lang nang tawa si Iñigo.

“Ano’ng gagawin mo ngayong bakasyon?” he asked to fill the silence.

“Di ko pa alam,” I replied. I didn’t know if Dad would ask me to work already… Although baka mas okay iyon para at least alam ko na iyong load na makukuha ko. Ayoko na sa mismong pasukan pa kasi hindi ko alam kung paano ima-manage iyong oras ko.

“Ako magta-trabaho,” he said. I looked at him. “Na-kwento ko na sa ’yo na wala na parents ko, no?”

I nodded. “Yeah… Sorry about that.”

“Okay lang. Tagal na nun. Minsan nga ’di ko na tanda itsura nila,” he said, smiling, but that smile couldn’t fool me. Spending time with Iñigo gave me the ability to know when he’s faking his smile. Most of the time, he’s just giving me his fake smile. But I never questioned him about it. Because that’s him. He’s got his own problems… And he knows how to best deal with them.

“Relatives mo?”

He shrugged. “Busy sa pamilya nila.”

“Ikaw lang nagpapaaral sa sarili mo?”

He nodded. “Yeah… Kaya importante talaga sa ’kin ’yung sa frat kasi ang mahal ng tuition dito sa SCA… ’Yung sa trabaho ko, pang baon ko na ’yun at saka bayad sa apartment.”

I pursed my lips as I nodded. He’s… admirable. Alam ko kung gaano kahirap mag-aral, tapos sasabayan pa ng trabaho? Bigla akong nahiya nung binilhan niya ako ng codal tapos sinungitan ko pa siya. Pwede niya na sanang itabi iyong pera pambayad sa apartment niya.

Susubukan ko na talagang bumait sa kanya. Basta ’wag lang sana siyang nakaka-inis kasi minsan, hindi ko mapigilan.

“Oh, ayan na pala sundo mo,” he said when a car stopped in front of us. Pumunta pa siya sa likod para i-sure na iyon nga iyong sasakyan.

“Thanks,” I said.

He smiled. “No problem. See you next sem?”

I nodded. “Yeah…,” sabi ko at saka pumasok sa loob. The driver asked me if okay na, but I told him sandali lang. I rolled the windows down and saw that Iñigo was still there, standing and waiting hanggang maka-alis iyong sasakyan. “Papasa ka sa obli. See you next sem, Iñigo,” I said before I rolled the windows up and told the driver to speed away.

Chapter 09

#CTG09 Chapter 09

“When will your grades be released?”

“Two to three weeks before enrollment, Dad.”

He simply nodded. “It’s your vacation already, right?” he asked and I nodded. “Have you decided about working, Charisse?”

I felt Charlie’s eyes on me. I knew he wanted me to say no to Dad’s offer, but I just couldn’t find it in me to say no… Even though every fiber of my being was begging me to turn down this ridiculous offer. Paano ako magta-trabaho? Sa third year ko sa law school? Juggling 8 subjects and working 8 hours a day? Hindi kaya iyon na ang tuluyang magtulak sa akin para masiraan ng bait?

“When will I start?” I asked, instead.

A small smile appeared on his face. And I felt a small triumph inside me. I guess… I guess I was still a sucker for his approval.

Dad discussed the work that I’d be doing in one of his friend’s company. I’d just be helping with the drafting and doing some legal works. Iniisip ko pa lang, napapagod na agad ako. I just came from a brutal finals week and all I really wanted was to sleep without feeling like I was cheating on my studies. Gusto ko lang ng 8 hours of sleep… but I guess that could wait.

But I didn’t want to dwell on the negative things. Mas lalo lang akong mahihirapan. I try to always look at the productive side of things… that way, hindi masama palagi ang loob ko.

And in this situation, I’d just think of this as a preview of what my whole life would be like. Siguro okay na rin ’to para ma-apply ko iyong mga pinag-aralan ko sa school. I mean, I do enjoy learning the concepts and jurisprudence, pero alam ko naman na iba pa rin ang application.

“Good luck,” Charlie said nang umalis na si Dad. Kinausap niya si Chase sa study room. I felt bad for Chase. Siya kasi iyong pinaka-pressured sa amin. I didn’t know why… probably because he’s Dad’s spitting image. Kaya sa kanya pinaka-mataas ang expectation.

“Thank you,” I replied. “Will you go back to school?”

“Dad’s pressuring me.”

“If you don’t want to go back yet, ’wag mong pilitin,” I said.

“Ayaw mo nun? Sabay tayong 3rdyear.”

I pursed my lips. We… never really discussed what Charlie almost did. I didn’t know how to approach the topic. I was afraid that I’d say the wrong word and just push him further away.

But I do love him.

He’s my brother.

I just wished that he wouldn’t let Dad pressure him… Siguro mas okay na kami na lang ni Chase. We could handle it. I think.

“Charlie—”

“Say no to him and I’ll tell him I can’t go back to school yet. Deal?”

I sighed. “Fine.”

He smiled. “Good.”

“Pero… may balak ka bang bumalik?”

He shrugged. “Siguro… pero baka sa ibang school. Or maybe I’ll just find work first.”

“Ayaw mong magtrabaho ako pero iyon ang gagawin mo?”

“I just want to study using my own money. I don’t want to feel the same pressure that I used to feel. Na sa tuwing mababa iyong grade ko, alam mo kung ano ang unang pumapasok sa isip ko? Lagot ako kay Papa. At least with my own money, I wouldn’t feel as much pressure.”

I pursed my lips. “Are you moving out?”

He looked me in the eye. “Yes.”

I nodded. “Good.”

“You’re not mad?”

Umiling ako. “No,” I said, smiling. “I love Dad… but this house never really felt like home. I wish you can move out sooner.” I wish we could all move out. Kagaya ni Ahia. When he got his business stable, the first thing he did was to move out. I never got mad at him for that—instead, I made him my inspiration. Makakaalis din ako dito.

I wouldn’t have to wake up again with the feeling of fear creeping up in my spine.

I wouldn’t hate breakfast anymore.

“You and Chase?”

I shrugged. “We’ll be fine.”

---

Dad went to some business trip. But he told me to go visit the place where I’d work. Naisip ko na pumunta muna doon tutal wala naman akong gagawin ngayong bakasyon. I was planning on stopping by the bookstore to get something to read, anyway. Maybe I’d do that pagkatapos kong dumaang doon.

At hindi ko pa alam kung paano ko sasabihin sa kanya. I needed to outline that. Gusto ko na maging handa sa lahat ng sasabihin niya kagaya ng paghahanda ko nung sumali ako sa moot court competition—that for every argument, there’s a rebuttal ready at our disposal. That’s the only way to win.

Dad instructed our driver na ihatid ako. I really had no idea kung saan ako pupunta. I just wore my usual attire when I go to school—black slacks, white formal top, and whatever comfortable shoes I could find that would go with what I was wearing.

We stopped in front of a five-story building. It’s the building of a well-known airline company. So… transpo cases? Buti na lang napag-aralan ko na ’to.

Dumiretso ako sa loob at hinanap iyong sinabi ni Papa na kailangan kong kausapin. I was in the middle of waiting nang kumunot ang noo ko nang may makita akong pamilyar na mukha.

Was that…

“Borromeo,” tawag ng isang lalaki na naglalakad palapit sa cubicle niya. A tall stack of folder was placed on his already crowded folder. “Patapos iyong research dun sa binigay ko kaninang umaga. Ito rin patapos agad. Urgent.”

Iñigo just smiled and nodded at the guy and then continued doing something in the computer. Ito ba iyong trabaho na sinasabi niya? Dito siya nagta-trabaho?

I looked around and saw how busy the people were. Ganito ba dito araw-araw? Tapos nag-aaral pa siya sa school? Paano niya nagagawa ’yun?

“Miss Viste?” called the secretary. “Mr. Tiu’s still in a meeting. Do you want to wait or should I just schedule you for tomorrow?”

I looked at Iñigo. And then I looked at my watch. It’s already almost lunch time.

“I’ll wait,” I said. Naupo ako sa couch malapit sa lobby. Kita ko muna sa inuupuan ko iyong pwesto ni Iñigo. Ilang segundo na akong naka-upo doon at hindi pa rin niya ako napapansin. He was reading a document. He looked so serious.

I looked at my watch. It’s already 12:20pm. Wala ba siyang balak kumain?

A few minutes later, another person approached him and talked to him. Mukhang may inutos ulit sa kanya. I was starting to feel hungry. Siguro kakain na lang akong mag-isa. I wanted to ask him to have lunch but I didn’t know how to approach him and he seemed really busy.

“Miss Viste,” malakas na tawag ng secretary nang tumayo ako para lumabas. Her voice was so loud that it caught Iñigo’s attention. He looked at me and his forehead creased for a second bago nanlaki iyong mga mata niya. “Mr. Tiu’s meeting got extended. He told me to just reschedule you for tomorrow, if that’s okay?”

I looked at Iñigo for split second before returning my attention to the secretary. Tumango na lang ako. I guess I’d just have to spend my day in a bookstore.

“Cha!” Iñigo said. Halos mapa-talon ako nang nasa gilid ko na siya agad. “Dinalaw mo ko?” he asked, grinning. It was so far from the scene a while ago. Kanina lang ay kunut na kunot ang noo niya at sobrang seryoso siya sa mga binabasa niya.

“Bakit kita dadalawin?”

He laughed. “Sabi ko nga… pero bakit ka nandito?”

“Summer job,” I said. Hopefully, it’d be just a summer job. Ayoko talagang magtrabaho kapag nagsimula na iyong school year.

“Nice! Sa dinami-dami ng pwede mong pasukan, dito pa talaga, no? ’Di mo naisip baka destiny?”

My face remained stoic. I should never take Iñigo’s banters seriously. I’d seen him with a lot of different girls from the College of Medicine. Alam kong marami siyang babae. Hindi dapat sineseryoso iyong mga ganitong sinasabi niya.

And I was pretty sure that he’s got some feelings for Katherine. I’d seen him around her. There’s… something. He’s different around her. Kagaya ng pagtuturo niya kay Katherine kahit siya mismo nahihirapan sa Obli.

I just didn’t want a potential problem for myself.

The smile on his face didn’t falter. He’s just so happy. Something’s not adding up.

“Naglunch ka na?”

“Kakain pa lang,” I said.

He nodded. “Samahan sana kita kaya lang may tinatapos pa ako, e.”

“Wala ka bang lunch time?” I asked. “That’s against the law.”

He laughed. “Sobrang lawyer naman nito,” he said. “May lunch time ako, syempre, kaso may pinapa-tapos lang sa ’kin.”

“How will you function without eating?”

He laughed again. “Sa ’yo pa galing, ha? Ikaw nga ’di nagla-lunch sa school, e.”

I arched my brow. “San mo nakuha ’yan?”

He shrugged. “Pansin ko lang. Minsan naabutan kita sa library, e. Tumatayo ka lang minsan para magCR pero ’di kita nakita na bumaba sa caf. Tubig lang din iniinom mo.”

“Stalker.”

He laughed. Again. Seriously.

“Di naman… Curious lang sa ’yo,” he said, grinning. “Sige. May tatapusin pa ko, e. See you tomorrow? Kung dito ka talaga.”

I merely nodded. Bumalik na siya sa ginagawa niya. Nasa labas na ako at hinihintay iyong sasakyan para sunduin ako. I planned on going to the mall and scour the bookstore for a good read… And I did exactly just that. I bought a trilogy that caught my attention. Iyong first book lang sana ang bibilhin ko, but the premise looked really interesting as it’s about faeries at ayokong bumalik pa sa mall kung sakaling magustuhan ko iyong first book. That’s a gamble I took kung sakaling hindi man maganda iyong libro.

I already got a paperbag of books.

Uuwi na dapat ako.

But I felt really bad for Iñigo. Simula nang sinabi niya sa akin na nagtatrabaho siya para ipambayad iyon sa apartment niya at para sa baon niya sa school, it’s like I found a new level of respect for him.

So, I did something that surprised me. I ordered food online and had it delivered to him. Mahigpit kong nilagay sa notes na ’wag na ’wag sasabihin na sa akin galing iyong pagkain.

After a quick shower, I was already preparing to read the books nang biglang magvibrate iyong phone ko. It was a call from an unregistered number kaya naman agad kong pinatay. Why couldn’t people introduce themselves first bago tumawag?

My phone vibrated again.

Unregistered Number:

Hi! Iñigo ’to.

Charisse:

Iñigo who?

Unregistered Number:

Iñigo mo?

Tumaas ang kilay ko. The audacity of this person.

I chose not to reply but that resulted to Iñigo calling. I declined it. Alam ko naman kung bakit siya tumatawag. That delivery guy probably betrayed me. At saan niya nakuha iyong number ko? I wanted to ask him that because I wanted to give an earful to whoever gave him my number without my permission. But I chose to ignore his calls.

Unregistered Number:

Sungit naman talaga. Pero thanks sa food, Cha! Sabi ko na nga ba worried ka sakin e :-)

Charisse:

Wrong number.

Unregistered Number:

Hahaha I don’t think so. Ikaw lang may kapangyarihan na maging cold hanggang sa text. Nag-iisa ka talaga, Miss Viste. Walang katulad.

I ignored and didn’t bother to reply again. I played a classical song to accompany me as I start to read the book… but my phone vibrated. Again. For someone so busy, ang dami niyang time magtext.

Unregistered Number:

See you tomorrow? See you! Looking forward to spending this summer with you, Queen Elsa.

Chapter 10

#CTG10 Chapter 10

I got disapproving looks from Charlie when he learned that I actually went to the job Dad wanted me to take. We had a deal that I’d turn down the offer and he’d tell Dad that he didn’t want to go back to school yet. But when I went there yesterday, I thought it might be fun… I mean, at least I’d get to apply what I learn in school?

Naka-ayos na ako para bumalik doon dahil ngayon iyong bagong schedule. Kakausapin ko muna iyong kaibigan ni Dad and from there, baka ipakausap na ako sa HR for formalities…

“Charlie,” I called. “Talk to Dad. Just tell him you don’t want to go back yet. I’m sure he won’t force you.”

“I thought you didn’t want to work?” he asked back.

“It’s just for the summer,” I said. I didn’t want to argue with him. I already do a lot of that in school. The last thing that I needed was to defend myself at home, too. And Charlie’s not my enemy. Ayaw niya lang na magaya ako sa kanya. “Wala rin naman akong gagawin dito sa bahay. You know me. I get easily bored,” I explained.

“Are you sure?” he asked. “I know it’s hard to say no… but at some point, you’ll have to learn.”

Tumango ako. “Yes… I’m sure. Now, you have to do your end of the deal.”

Charlie looked conflicted, but I reminded him of what he always tells me—you’re the captain of your own ship. It’s your life; you decide what you want to do with it… Because at the end of the day, it’s your happiness at stake—not others, but yours.

And everyday, I still try to do that.

Little by little, but progress is still progress.

Pagdating ko sa company, nandun na si Mr. Tiu para kausapin ako. He just told me to talk to him if ever I needed anything and then he told me to talk to the HR for the briefing. I just thanked him for the opportunity to work for his company, but I doubted that I’d go to him for any favor. I just didn’t like making shortcuts. Sure, nahihirapan ako, but I learn more by doing it myself.

“If you have any more questions, just drop by the office,” the HR head told me. I just politely nodded at her. Pumunta ako sa lugar kung saan ako magpapagawa ng ID and then dumiretso sa cubicle na assigned sa akin. I was told na nasa labas pa raw iyong lawyer na iaassist ko, pero ni hindi man lang ako naka-sampung minuto sa upuan bago ako ipatawag…

And the work offically commenced.

I was given three complaints and was tasked to read them and do notes… and if I believe there’s a probably case there, to find related cases.

And I hated to admit it, but I was enjoying the work I was doing. It’s like solving a puzzle. May staements na naka-lagay, but not all statements are facts… Some are fabricated stories made by people to gain. And it was up to me to see through those lies.

“Miss Viste.”

Agad akong napa-tayo sa pwesto ko nang marinig ko ang pangalan ko. My lips parted at first because I thought that I would be meeting the lawyer assigned to me… but my face fell when I saw who it was.

I should’ve known.

“Lunch?” he asked.

“Di pa ako tapos.”

“Tignan mo ’to…” he said. “Sabi mo sa ’kin illegal na hindi maglunch. Tapos ganyan ka rin?”

I rolled my eyes. Talent niya bang ibalik lahat ng sinabi ko sa kanya? I said it before and I’d say it again… He’d make a damn good lawyer.

“Di pa ko tapos,” I reiterated.

“Don’t worry, ’di mauubos kasong babasahin mo. Maraming reklamo sa kumpanya na ’to,” he said, shrugging. “Kain na kasi tayo.”

“Kailangan ba kasama ako?”

He laughed. “Syempre dahil friends tayo.”

I arched my brow. “Friends na tayo?”

He nodded. “Oo… Ayaw na kitang landiin kaya friends na lang tayo.”

“As far as I can remember, ayaw mo akong landiin dahil intimidated ka sa ’kin… Not simply because ayaw mo lang.”

Sinandal niya iyong gilid ng katawan niya sa pader ng cubicle ko. He crossed his arms and grinned at me.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think na masama ang loob mo dahil hindi na kita nilalandi,” he said and I arched my brow at him. “But since I know you better, I’d say na honest na tao ka lang talaga.”

Hindi na ako nagsalita pa. Ibinalik ko iyong atensyon ko sa binabasa ko. I was in the middle of reading the statement given by the passenger who complained about his lost check-in luggage. I needed to find something para hindi mag-apply iyong extraordinary diligence requirement para sa common carrier.

“Queen Elsa,” bulong ni Iñigo sa tenga ko. I almost jumped from my seat dahil sa gulat. I internally cursed.

“Kapag sumama ba ako maglunch sa ’yo, ’di mo na ako guguluhin?”

He nodded like a kid. I sighed. Why was I stuck with this guy?

---

“Ayaw mo niyan?” he asked.

“Ha?”

“Yung ulam… Ayaw mo?”

“Okay lang,” sagot ko.

“May iba namang ulam. Order kita, gusto mo?” he asked again.

“Okay lang ako,” I replied.

“Sure ka? Kapag kasi pares, ang lakas mong kumain… Ni hindi pa nga nangangalahati ’yang pagkain mo ngayon,” he said, pointing at my food. It’s chicken and rice, but I wasn’t a big fan of chicken. Okay naman… but this particular chicken tasted dry.

“No, I’m fine,” I reiterated. May sandwich naman ako sa bag—something I learned from Jax. Para kapag nagutom ako bigla, may pagkain ako.

But Iñigo stood up and went to the counter. I sighed when I saw him ordering again. Ang kulit. Okay lang naman ako. ’Di naman ako masyadong gutom. ’Di naman talaga ako malakas kumain—siguro nasanay lang siya na kapag pares, 2 cups of rice iyong naka-kain ko… Exception to the general rule naman ’yun.

“Adobo,” he said, putting the bowl of viand in front of me. “Walang pares… pwede na muna ’yan.”

“Okay lang naman ako,” sabi ko sa kanya.

He smiled. “Kain ka na.”

Dahil sayang naman iyong pera ni Iñigo, kumain na ako. He was smiling when he saw me eating. I made sure that I finished everything on my plate. He gave me two thumbs up when I did. Pakiramdam ko talaga bata ang tingin niya sa akin… Although totoo na mas bata ako sa kanya, ’di naman niya alam ’yun.

When we finished eating, Iñigo looked at his watch.

“May 15 minutes pa. Lakad muna tayo sa labas, gusto mo?”

“Balik na ko. May babasahin pa ko.”

“Trust me, ’di mauubos babasahin mo… You really have to learn how to chill, Miss Viste,” he said, smiling gently at me. “Life’s not always about working, you know? Work-life balance. ’Yan talaga ituturo ko sa ’yo.”

“Ituturo mo sa ’kin?”

He nodded. “Sa school, sure ako mas matalino ka sa ’kin… pero sa life? Mas marami akong alam sa ’yo. I’m gonna teach you how to relax and live a little.”

“Tuturuan mo akong makipaglandian sa med students?”

Bigla siyang natawa. Sumingkit iyong mga mata niya. “Grabe naman ’to! Iniisip mo ba na nilalandi ko lahat ng med student?”

I shrugged. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you do.”

“Hindi naman.”

“Pero may nilalandi ka?”

“Bakit parang galit ka?”

“Bakit ako magagalit?”

He let out a nervous laugh. And then combed his hair using his fingers. His eyes were slanted from the smiling. I really needed to get back to my cubicle and read.

“Those med students are my… friends,” he said like he was trying to phrase them nicely.

“Friends?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Friendly ako.”

“So… friends? Kagaya nito?” tanong ko sabay turo sa aming dalawa. “Friends tayo sabi mo.”

He laughed nervously again. “Damn, Charisse Faith Viste. Bakit parang kinakabahan ako dito?”

“Bakit ka kakabahan? Unless may ginawa kang masama?”

“Wala akong ginagawang masama, okay? And for the record, no, hindi friends kagaya natin. Ibang friends ’yun. Iba ’yung friendship natin.”

I rolled my eyes. ’Di naman ako pinanganak kahapon para hindi malaman kung ano ang ibig niyang sabihin. I stood up and carried the tray. Nilagay ko iyon sa patungan bago naglakad pabalik sa cubicle ko. I could hear Iñigo’s hurrying behind me.

“Galit ka?” he asked. Ang bilis niyang maka-habol.

“No.”

“Bakit parang galit ka?”

“Hindi ako galit. Bakit ako magagalit?”

He laughed. “You know, magsisimula na akong mag-isip na type mo ko… Ganyang-ganyan kapag nagseselos, e.”

I faced him and rolled my eyes—para makita niya kung gaano siya nakaka-inis. “We’re just friends, okay? Hindi ako nagseselos. ’Di kita type. Ang mga gusto ko, ’yung kagaya ni Jax,” I said just to make him stop.

The smile on his face fell. For a few seconds, he wasn’t able to come up with anything… It felt weird for a moment because Iñigo’s the kind of person who always had something to say. He’s quick on his feet. But for a moment, he got nothing.

“Sabi ko nga,” he said with a smile, but it was a different smile from the ones he usually showed at me. Huminto siya sa paglalakad. “Sige. Lakad muna ko sa labas,” he continued, waving at me before he turned his back and walked on the opposite direction.

I turned my back against him, too, and went back to my cubicle and read my cases.

---

The day ended quickly. I made a few notes, but I wasn’t done yet. Hindi pumasok iyong assigned na lawyer sa akin dahil biglang may emergency yata siya. It’s okay, though. Na-brief naman ako sa kailangan kong gawin. Dapat lang matapos ko na ’yung assigned sa akin bago siya bumalik.

So far, I was really enjoying… Though I doubted kung ma-e-enjoy ko pa ’to once the school year starts.

Hanggang 5pm lang iyong pasok, but it was almost 6pm when I decided to go home. Inaayos ko iyong gamit ko. I was tempted to stay for a little bit longer, but I remembered Iñigo’s work life balance speech. He’s right though—I needed life.

Nang maayos ko ’yung gamit ko, pasimple akong naglakad papunta sa cubicle niya. Isasabay ko na lang siguro siya pauwi para maka-tipid siya… Hindi naman siguro ako isusumbong ng driver dahil mabait naman sa ’kin ’yun… Alam niya kasi kung gaano ka-higpit si Papa.

“Iñigo,” I called when I saw him still buried deep in the pile of folders on his table. Kung akala ko marami na ’yung ginagawa ko, mas marami ’yung sa kanya.

“Yes?” he asked, writing something on the yellow paper.

“Pauwi ka na ba? Gusto mong sabay ka na sa ’kin?” I asked because I was just thinking na sayang naman matitipid niya sa pamasahe… Pandagdag baon niya na rin ’yun.

He stopped writing and looked at me. “May pupuntahan pa kasi ako mamaya, e,” he said. I nodded. Galit ba siya sa ’kin?

“Okay,” I said.

“Bukas na lang, pwede?”

I shrugged. “Okay.”

“Bye, Charisse,” he said. He smiled again before he returned to writing. I stood there awkwardly for a few seconds before deciding to leave. Dumiretso na ako sa labas. Naka-tayo ako sa isang gilid. I sent a text asking kung nasaan na iyong driver kasi medyo 20 minutes na akong naghihintay. He told me na sobrang traffic daw pero malapit na siya.

Babalik na muna sana ako sa loob para magbasa na lang hbang naghihintay… pero natigilan ako nang makita ko si Iñigo na papalabas ng building. I watched as he walked quickly towards a black SUV parked in front of our building. The car was heavily tinted kaya hindi ko nakita kung sino iyong nasa loob. But when Iñigo opened the door on the passenger side, that’s when I saw who was inside the car—iyong babae na naka-salubong namin sa school. Iyong med student na may kakaibang friendship si Iñigo.

’Dun pala siya busy.

Chapter 11

#CTG11 Chapter 11

“Thank you, Miss Viste,” Atty. Cabo told me after we discussed about the three cases that I studied. Kakabalik niya lang. Hindi ko nga alam na ngayon pala siya babalik… Mabuti na lang natapos ko na iyong assigned sa akin. Naghihintay na lang ako ng bagong gagawin.

“No problem, Sir,” I replied. “If there’s anything else?” I asked because I was bored already. And I didn’t want to be bored dahil maiisip ko na naman kung sino kaya iyong kasama ni Iñigo the last time na nakita ko siya… Hindi ko na ulit kasi siya nakita dahil sinama siya nung lawyer na assigned sa kanya. I couldn’t ask kung kailan sila babalik.

It was boring.

I needed something to do.

“I’ll read these first. I’ll just call you,” he said. I thanked him pero bago ako umalis, binigyan niya ako ng food galing sa pinuntahan niya. He’s nice.

I tried to sleep, but I remembered that I just finished drinking coffee… Tinignan ko iyong portal ng school pero wala pang released na grades. Sumilip ako sa Facebook para tignan if may balita ba kung kailan iyong release, but instead of clicking the messages, biglang ang napindot ko ay iyong friend requests.

Iñigo Borromeo

I drummed my fingers against the desk. Wala talaga akong balak na iaccept iyong request niya… Maingay na nga siya in person, what more online? But maybe there’s no harm in adding him… It’s not as if palagi akong nag-o-online…

I clicked accept.

Pumunta ako sa messages, but there’s no news na kahit ano tungkol sa release ng grades. Walang bagong message sa group chat ng block namin. It seemed like everyone’s enjoying the vacation… I mean, nag-e-enjoy din naman ako… Though not in the usual way. I just saw some of my blockmates’ posts—karamihan sa kanila ay nasa ibang bansa ngayon, enjoying… Habang ako, ito at nagta-trabaho.

“Fine,” I uttered. “Just to satisfy my curiosity.”

I gave him and started to scroll in Iñigo’s profile. Wala siyang masyadong posts… It was different from what I expected… Sobrang ingay niya kasi kapag kasama ko siya kaya akala ko maingay din siya online… I guess I really didn’t know him that well yet. I only knew what he showed me so far.

May mga tagged photos siya kasama iyong mga brothers niya yata sa fraternity. He was smiling on the pictures na akala mo hindi niya tinataguan kapag nakikita niya sa school. He’s really good at faking.

Walang kahit ano’ng picture kasama ang pamilya niya… Alam ko wala na siyang parents… Pati yata sa relatives niya hindi siya close. Wala ring picture kasama iyong mga kaibigan niya. He’s so… different. Just a lot more different from how he’s acting when he’s in front of me. I didn’t know who’s the real him.

I kept on scrolling, hoping to find a picture of the girl he was with. Nakaka-isang taon na ako… Nasa college days niya na ako, pero napa-tigil ako nang tawagin ako ni Atty. Cabo.

Next time.

---

Sabi nga nila, be careful what you wish for… I asked to be busy, and that’s exactly what I got. Kaya pala sinabihan ako ni Mr. Tiu ng good luck dahil kakailanganin ko pala talaga. Sobrang daming pinapagawa ni Atty. Cabo sa akin. He’s also very thorough—akala ko thorough na ako, pero mas grabe siya. Sobrang dami niyang tanong sa notes ko. Mas lalo tuloy akong na-inspire dahil pakiramdam ko talaga marami akong matutunan sa kanya. I learned that he’s a topnotcher when he took the BAR.

“Iñigo!”

Agad na naagaw iyong atensyon ko nang marinig ko iyong pangalan. My eyes searched his face. He looked tanned. Saan ba siya nanggaling?

He was smiling as he was talking to some of the employees he was friends with. Minsan, naiinggit ako sa kanya… Parang sobrang dali kasi sa kanya makipagkaibigan. I wished I were like him. But it was never easy for me to just open up to people… It would take a lot goading for me to open even the tiniest part of myself.

“Charisse,” I heard him say. Huminga ako nang malalim. “Oh.”

I looked at what he put in front of me. “Ano ’to?”

“Pasalubong?”

“Thank you,” I said as I looked at the keychain with the word Alaminos written on it.

“You’re welcome,” he said, smiling. Akala ko may sasabihin pa siya pero bumalik na siya sa cubicle niya. I watched his retreating back. Galit ba siya? Parang iba siya.

I wanted to ponder more on it, but then I remembered that I got a lot of things I needed to finish… ’Di naman siguro siya galit. That’s probably just my imagination. Binigyan pa nga niya ako ng keychain.

When lunch came, I stood up. Sabi ni Atty. Cabo maglunch daw ako kapag lunch time. Apparently, he’s got ulcer. Baka daw magaya ako sa kanya kaya kumain daw ako kapag oras ng kain.

“Kakain ka?” I asked as I went to his cubicle. He looked up. Ang tanned na nga niya… Nagswimming ba siya o nagtrabaho?

“Oo, pero tapusin ko lang ’to,” sabi niya sabay turo sa papel sa harap niya. “Sabay ba tayo?” he asked.

I shrugged. “Uh… okay lang.”

He nodded. “Okay. Pahintay sandali? O una ka na? Mga 5 minutes na lang ’to,” he said. I nodded. Yeah. Something’s really different. But I didn’t want to overthink it. Pinapansin pa rin naman niya ako.

I stood and stayed. I looked around his cubicle. Wala man lang kahit anong picture doon. Puro stacks of papers lang tapos iyong bag niya na nasa sahig. It was a navy-blue backpack that looked worn out already… Gaano na kaya niya katagal gamit ’yun?

“Okay na,” he said, clicking save sa tina-type niya sa laptop.

“San tayo pupunta?” I asked nang hindi daan papunta sa cafeteria iyong nilalakaran namin.

“May ibang kainan dito, e,” he said.

“Ayaw mo sa caf?” I asked.

“Okay lang naman… Pero baka mas magustuhan mo dito,” he replied, shrugging. “Kapag ayaw mo, balik na lang tayo. Medyo maaga pa naman.”

We walked side by side. We were surrounded by silence. Naninibago talaga ako.

“Galit ka ba sa ’kin?” I asked. I didn’t want to waste more time thinking kung galit ba siya sa ’kin. Kung galit siya, gusto kong malaman para makapagsorry kung may kasalanan ako.

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Ha? Hindi, ah. Bakit mo natanong?”

“Hindi ka kasi nagsasalita.”

He laughed. “Sabi mo ayaw mo kapag maingay ako?”

“Ayoko nga.”

“Oh, tahimik na ko,” he said, acting as if he was zipping his mouth. I rolled my eyes. He laughed again. That’s more like the Iñigo I knew. “Hindi ako galit sa ’yo,” he repeated. “May ibang iniisip lang ako.”

“Work?”

“Half.”

“Ano ’yung other half?”

“Secret.”

“Okay.”

He smiled. “Kamusta si Atty. Cabo? Daming pinapagawa?” he asked, changing the subject. I nodded and told him about the things I did for Atty. Cabo. Binigyan ako ng tips ni Iñigo. Dati pala siya iyong assigned kay Atty. Cabo pero nagrequest siya na ilipat siya kasi hindi niya na kaya iyong dami ng pinapagawa sa kanya.

Pagdating namin dun sa kainan na sinasabi ni Iñigo, may pares sila. Bigla akong nagutom. Mayroon na yata akong favorite food finally.

Iñigo ordered for the both of us since alam niya naman kung ano iyong order ko. Tahimik lang kami habang naghihintay. Parang biglang naging weird dahil usually, siya iyong nag-o-open ng pag-uusapan namin…

Pero hindi naman daw siya galit.

“Ano’ng ginawa niyo sa Pangasinan?” I asked.

“May dinoble check lang ’dun sa pinasa na report nung insurance company,” he said. “Natagalan lang kasi ’di pareho ’yung nasa written report ’dun sa sinabi nung kausap namin.”

I nodded.

Silence again.

Ang hirap pala ng ginagawa niya dati. Ang awkward mag-open ng topic.

Finally, na-serve na iyong food. I was about to dig in when Iñigo’s phone vibrated. My eyes read the name Gracey. Kinuha ni Iñigo iyong phone niya at saka nag-excuse na sasagutin niya lang iyong tawag.

“Sabaw, gusto mo?” tanong nung babae. Doon lang natigil iyong panonood ko kay Iñigo na naka-talikod mula sa pwesto ko. It’s been minutes pero hindi pa rin siya bumabalik. Lumalamig na iyong kanin niya.

Sino kaya si Gracey?

“Sorry,” he said, smiling as he took his seat. I merely nodded, knowing that it was not my place to ask. We’re friends… but we’re not that close. It’s probably my fault for always reminding him not to intruce much.

I needed more work.

Pagbalik namin sa building, dumiretso ako sa cubicle ko. I opened my laptop… I knew I needed to research about the cases, but my hands took me to Facebook—specifically Iñigo’s profile. Tinignan ko iyong friends’ list niya. It’s not on private. I typed Gracey. Walang lumabas. I typed Grace. Wala pa ring lumabas.

“Miss Viste.”

Agad na nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Mabilis kong isinara iyong laptop ko—kasing bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Halos tumalon iyong puso ko palabas ng dibdib ko dahil akala ko si Iñigo iyong tumawag sa akin. I couldn’t describe the relief that washed over me when I saw that it was Atty. Cabo who called me.

Buong araw na akong naging busy. Thankfully. Pag-uwi ko sa bahay, tinignan ko kung nandun ba si Chester. Hindi kasi madalas nasa bahay ’yun dahil nagrorotation na siya sa hospital. And to my luck, wala pa rin siya sa bahay… Pero sigurado ako na kahit walang rotation ’yun, ’di uuwi ’yun… Not after Dad punching him when he learned that Ches got delayed from his med graduation.

“Ches,” I said, calling.

I heard him yawn. “What’s up?”

“Do you know anyone named Gracey sa med?” I asked. I just had to ask. Curiosity was killing me. I just needed to know who she is… and then matatahimik na ko.

“Gracey? Ano’ng itsura?” he asked and I described the girl to the best of my recollection. I could remember her being cute… Average height. Shoulder hair length. With a really nice smile.

“Not sure… But maybe Grace Arevalo,” he answered. “4thyear med.”

I thanked him and told him to message me when he’s free para puntahan namin siya kung nasang ospital man siya. Nagpalit muna ako ng damit bago ko hinanap sa Facebook iyong Grace Arevalo na sinasabi niya.

And he’s right. This was the girl.

Her profile picture’s taken in Paris. She was sitting on a brick wall with the Eiffel Tower on the background. She was wearing a black winter coat, white top, black skirt, black leggings, boots, and red beret.

She’s… so pretty.

I scrolled through her Facebook account. Mas madali dahil wala masyadong post hindi kagaya nung kay Iñigo na ang daming tagged photo. My lips parted nang makarating ako sa posts nung nasa high school pa lang siya…

There was a picture that caught my attention. It was a picture of her and Iñigo in what looked like a photography studio. The picture looked really old. Ganito iyong uso dati. Naaalala ko na ganito iyong picture ng mga kaklase ko kasama iyong mga kaibigan nila.

‘Future doctor and future lawyer’ was the caption of the photo. They were grinning in the picture. Iñigo’s arm was draped on her shoulders. He looked really young—looked really carefree. He looked… really happy.

There were other pictures. I looked at them all. Just a reminder.

Whatever I was thinking… that needed to stop.

Chapter 12

#CTG12 Chapter 12

“Si Katherine?” I asked upon arriving at the place where Katherine’s parents’ wake was held. Agad akong dumiretso dito nang marinig ko iyong nangyari. It took a couple of days before the wake was held because they still tried to search for the remains…

“Pinilit umuwi ni Jax kasi hindi pa natutulog,” Rory replied.

We all seated in silence—no one wanted to say a word. Hindi ko rin alam ang gagawin ko… I knew I wanted to offer words of comfort, but I didn’t know where to start. My mom died when I was young—I didn’t even have any memory of her. I really didn’t know the feeling of losing someone I love.

A little while later, Jax returned with Katherine. Her eyes were swollen from all the crying and Jax patiently stayed by her side. He was the one who talked to those who paid their respect. Tahimik lang akong naka-masid sa kanila, hindi alam ang gagawin. But even then, I knew that my presence was enough… Sometimes, words were not needed. It’s enough that they know you’re there.

“How’s your summer?” Rory asked when we went out to get some air. It felt like it’s been decided that we’d stay here for the entire night. It was the start of the school year, but that didn’t matter. This was far more pressing.

“Okay naman,” sagot ko.

“Yun lang? San ka buong summer?” she prodded even more.

I mere shrugged. I just spent the whole summer learning as much as I could from Atty. Cabo. He’s really brilliant and though he asked too much from me, it’s okay because I really learned a lot.

“Hey,” Rory said when we saw Jax. There were bags under his eyes. He looked really tired. “Si Kitty?”

“Kausap ni Iñigo,” he replied. He was holding a bottled water. Pinapanood ko lang iyong bawat paggalaw niya. I hadn’t been able to talk to him, but he knew I’d been here… That he’s my friend and if he needed anything, he could count on me.

Rory began to ask Jax and I was thankful. I couldn’t do what she was doing. Tahimik lang ako na naka-tayo doon nang makita ko si Katherine at Iñigo sa isang gilid. My eyes watched every little movement. I knew there’s nothing behind it—he was just being a friend… but I just didn’t understand. Buong summer, ilang beses kong nakita na sinundo si Iñigo nung Gracey… But looking at this, it seemed like Iñigo still had feelings for Katherine.

Maybe I really did make the right decision.

I didn’t need that kind of complication.

“San ka pupunta?” Rory asked.

“I’ll just get coffee,” I replied. “We’re just here, okay?” I told Jax and tapped his shoulder before I walked past him. I was pretty sure I saw a coffee shop on my way here. I needed caffeine because I wanted to stay awake all night… May sine-serve naman na coffee sa wake pero hindi ako kumportable na kumain o uminom ng kahit ano galing doon. It just felt… weird.

Naglalakad ako papunta sa coffee shop nang makita ko si Iñigo na naka-tayo sa isang gilid. May hawak siyang sigarilyo. I stood there for a few seconds, not knowing what to do. Ngayon ko lang siya nakita na naninigarilyo.

“Hey,” he said with a gentle smile when he saw me. “Alis ka na?”

Umiling ako. “Bibili lang ng kape.”

“Mag-isa ka lang?”

Tumango ako. “D’yan lang naman.”

He took another drag before he threw the cigarette in the bin. “Samahan na kita.”

I shrugged. We’re still friends. Halos dalawang buwan din kaming magkasama sa office. Although medyo madalas na wala siya dahil kung saan-saan siya sinasama, pero sa tuwing aalis siya, inuuwian niya ako palagi ng key chain kung saan man siya nanggaling. So far, binigyan niya ako ng Alaminos, Nueva Vizcaya, Cagayan Valley, Bataan, and Bulacan. Pakiramdam ko buong summer, nag-Luzon tour lang si Iñigo.

“You smoke?” I asked to fill the silence.

“Minsan lang kapag stressed,” he replied. “Ang baho ko ba?”

“Amoy sigarilyo ka.”

He laughed and took a step away. “Sorry na,” he said, smiling. “Minsan lang naman.”

“Buhay mo naman ’yan,” sagot ko sa kanya.

I really thought I liked Iñigo… but I didn’t like complications—never had. My life at home alone was already very complicated… the last thing I wanted was a complicated love life.

Siguro talent ko na iyong mabilis mawala kung anuman ang nararamdaman ko… Kagaya nung crush ko kay Jax na nawala nung biglang nagkaroon ng Katherine… Kagaya lang nitong kay Iñigo nung nagkaroon ng Gracey.

Alam ko kung saan ilulugar ang sarili ko—that’s one of the few things I love about me.

“Thanks pa rin sa concern,” sabi niya. “Pero gulat ako nandito ka… Akala ko ’di kayo friends ni Kitty.”

“Hindi nga,” sagot ko. “But that doesn’t mean that I can’t be there for her.”

He smiled. “Improving ka na, Queen Elsa.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m not made of ice. I have feelings… I just have better control over them.”

He nodded. “Alam ko,” sagot niya habang naka-ngiti pa rin. “Kaya ang hirap mong basahin, e. Lagi ka lang poker face. Isa sa mga highlight ng buhay ko ’yung umiyak ka sa harap ko, alam mo ’yun?”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “That’s weird.”

“I know…” he said, and then looked at me. “How’s third year?”

“Wala pang pumapasok na prof.”

“Honor section ka pa rin?” I nodded. “Nice. Talino talaga!”

I shrugged. Hindi naman patalinuhan sa law school… It’s more of who works harder… Kasi kahit gaano ka pa katalino, kung hindi ka naman nagbasa ng assigned readings, wala ka pa ring maisasagot sa klase.

“Is she okay?” I asked. I was curious… I knew she wasn’t okay… Sino ba ang magiging okay sa ganoon? But I couldn’t ask her because we’re not exactly friends… And I couldn’t ask Jax because he looked so tired already…

Iñigo tried to smile, but it was the kind of smile that brings pain to your heart. Iyong tipo ng ngiti na may kasamang sakit. Iyon ’yung tipo ng ngiti na ayokong makita.

“Not really,” he said. “But she’ll be fine… Eventually…”

“She has Jax,” I said.

“Yeah…” he replied.

“She has you.”

He looked at me. “We’re friends.”

“I know.”

“Good,” sabi niya. “Magkaibigan lang kami nun. Close kami kasi magkaklase kami ng isang taon. Blockmates. Napapanood tuwing napapagalitan sa klase—sabay kinakabahan kapag may recit. Sabay nagdadasal na sana stranded kung saan man iyong prof.”

We continued to walk in silence. I knew what he meant kasi ganoon din ako kina Rory… I have some friends from college… But my friends from law school? We have a different kind of bond. We’ve seen each other at our lowest—we’ve watched each other grow from that scared freshman to a more dignified version of our current selves… We sincerely wish each other the best because we know all the hardship we go through just to get that elusive title.

But I think the difference is that I don’t look at my friends the way Iñigo looks at Katherine.

“Gusto mong coffee?” I asked when we finally reached the coffee shop.

“Upo ka na; ako na lang pipila,” he said. “Americano sa ’yo, ’di ba?” I nodded. He knew my order already. Sa dalawang buwan ba naman na magkasama kami sa trabaho.

Habang naka-pila si Iñigo, naghanap ako ng pwedeng upuan. Pakiramdam ko ay tinakasan ng kulay ang katawan ko nang may makita akong pamilyar na mukha. I quickly turned my back, desperate to exit the coffee shop.

Dad never interfered with my personal life, but that’s because he knew that I didn’t have time to date… I was so busy fulfilling his unrealistic expectation of me… But I was aware of who he wanted me to date—it’s either I date someone who’s Chinese or someone who’s rich… It’s just either of the two.

And I knew that if he’d see Iñigo with me, kahit wala naman talagang kahit ano sa aming dalawa, he’d start to wonder… And I seriously didn’t need him setting me up with his friends’ son.

Sobrang bilis kong maglakad. Halos palapit na ako pabalik nang maramdaman ko iyong pagvibrate ng phone ko.

“San ka?” he asked.

“Bumalik na ko.”

“Galing, ah. Iniwan mo ko dito?”

“Sorry… May ano… si Rory,” I said. I knew I didn’t make sense, but I really didn’t want to see my Dad there. He’d just ask questions I didn’t want to answer. It’s better this way.

Iñigo said na babalik na rin siya. Dumiretso ako sa loob nung chapel. I didn’t want to risk na makita ko ni Dad sa gilid ng daan. Ni hindi nga niya alam na nasa lamay ako… Ang alam niya ay may biglaang presentation kaya kailangan kong mag-all nighter kasama ang groupmates ko.

“Okay ka lang?” Rory asked.

I nodded. “Yeah… Si Jax?”

“Kasama si Kitty,” she replied. “Okay ka lang? Weird ng itsura mo…”

I just shrugged. Weird siguro yata talaga itsura ko… I looked pale—sometimes paler than Jax kapag hindi ako lumalabas ng bahay. Singkit kaya madalas mapagkamalan na masungit—although the truth is that I didn’t have time for non-sense things. My height’s average. My hair’s always just below my shoulder because I didn’t like it too long or too short…

Overall, I’m average at best… Siguro kaya ’din ang tagal bago natandaan ni Iñigo iyong itsura ko… Nothing’s exceptional about me… Maybe except for my grades which I work so hard for.

But I’m okay. I made peace with it already. I just have to deal with what’s given.

“Oh.” Ramdam ko iyong pagtaas ng kilay ni Rory nang iabot sa akin ni Iñigo iyong kape ko. “Iniwan na naman ako.”

“Thanks,” I said. “Bayadan ko mamaya.”

Iñigo shrugged. Alam niya naman na wala siyang magagawa. Every time na babayaran niya iyong pagkain ko sa office o bibilhan ako ng kape, tina-transfer ko iyong bayad sa bank account niya. I just didn’t like him spending his money on me when I knew for a fact that he’s working to pay for rent and for his allowance.

“Ano ’yun?” Rory asked as if on cue. Chismosa talaga.

“Wala.”

“Ano’ng wala?!”

“Wala naman talaga.”

“Charisse Faith!” she said. “May love life ka na ba?!” she asked habang hawak iyong magkabilang braso ko. I tried to get away from her, but her grip was hard.

“Wala akong love life…” I answered, still trying to get her hands off of me.

“Bakit parang close na kayo?”

I shrugged. “Di kami close…”

“Siguro naman sa dalawang taon na blockmates tayo, alam mo na na hindi kita titigilan hanggang ’di mo sinasabi sa ’kin?” she asked and I sighed because she was right… Sometimes, she’s unbearable. Kaya minsan tinataguan namin ni Jax silang dalawa dahil ang ingay nila. Gusto lang naman naming mag-aral.

“Nagsummer job ako… And ’dun din pala siya nagta-trabaho. End of story.”

But I was wrong. My three-sentence story was followed by endless question from Rory’s end. I felt like I was a defendant in a case and I was under inquisition dahil sa dami ng tanong niya. At first, I patiently answered her questions…

“Nothing’s going on,” I said after a few minutes of her trying to insinuate that there’s something when in fact, there’s nothing. “We’re friends. That’s it.”

“Wala talaga?” Umiling ako. “Bakit?”

“Ano’ng bakit?”

“Bakit wala? Okay naman si Iñigo… He’s super cute… Matalino… Mukhang mabait naman… Ano’ng ayaw mo?”

My eyes went to Iñigo who’s standing at the opposite side of the room. His right hand was inside his pocket while his left hand was holding a cup of coffee. He was gently blowing against his cup—palaging hot coffee ang binibili niya. Akala ko dati dahil iyong lang ang gusto niya, but I later learned that it’s because mas mura iyon kaysa sa frappe or cold drinks.

And he’s wondering why I was keen on paying him back every time. Sobrang tipid kaya niya.

“It’s complicated,” I answered.

Rory laughed. “When is love ever not complicated?”

“He likes someone else,” I said.

“Sinabi niya ’yun… o sinasabi mo lang sa sarili mo?” Rory asked.

“Why does it even matter?” I asked. I’d spent 2 months with him… “It’s impossible, anyway,” I continued before I stood up and went outside to get some air.

Chapter 13

#CTG13 Chapter 13

“What’s your legal basis?” Dean Lara asked. I watched every little movement of Jax… I knew he was trying to remember the legal basis, but he was failing miserably… This was the second time this week. Okay lang sa ibang subject… Siguro… Pero dito sa Civil Procedure? It’s a 5-units course. Alam niya kung gaano ’to ka-importante.

“According to the Rules of Court—” Jax replied.

“What provision, Mr. Yuchengco?” Dean prodded. Alam kong kilala niya si Jax… Naging professor na namin si Dean nung first year kami… And he also knew Jax dahil laging kasama si Jax sa mga inaawardan kada taon. Jax also headed the debate team that won last year. Sigurado ako na kilala niya si Jax.

He’s probably disappointed in Jax’s performance. Dalawang beses na siyang nasigawan. And if this continues? We all knew where he’s heading at.

There’s a reason why SCA’s always among the top performers during the BAR exam…

“Sit down,” Dean Lara said. I saw Yago tapping Jax’s shoulder and probably telling him that it’d be okay… But it wouldn’t be okay if it would continue… He’d get kicked out. That’s the only ending here. Kapag hindi siya umayos, hindi siya aabot ng fourth year dito.

The class continued and at the end, Dean Lara gave us an earful—na hindi porke nasa third year na kami ay hindi na kami papaalisin sa school. Our place here is earned; at kung hindi kami aayos, mabuti pang maghanap na kami ng ibang school.

“San ka pupunta?” I asked when I saw Jax getting his things. May klase pa kami—actually, dalawa pa. We still had Legal Counsel and Law on Intellectual Property.

“Naka-reserve ako sa Legcoun,” he said.

“Aabsent ka?” He nodded. “Nagbibigay daw si Sir ng 95 basta complete attendance…” I said. The Jax I knew never skipped class. Mula first year, hindi pa siya umabsent kasi sayang iyong matututunan namin sa klase.

There was only that one-time last year, but that wasn’t exactly skipping classes… but it’s also for the same reason.

“Balik ako mamaya bago LIP,” he said, getting his things and rushing out of the room. I watched as he disappeared from my vision. I felt Rory standing beside me. “You should talk to him,” I said.

She sighed. “Ano’ng sasabihin ko?” she asked. “Alam naman natin dahilan kung bakit… Ang hirap din kasi sa kanya niyan…”

“He’ll fail,” I said.

“He’s Jax. Besides, recit pa lang naman ’to… Kaya pang bawiin sa midterms. Let’s just trust him,” she said, smiling at me before going to Yago.

And I did exactly as she said. Hindi ako nakielam kay Jax kahit ilang beses na akong napailing dahil napapanood ko siya palagi na mapagalitan. He’s not usually like this. Kung matagal man ang recit niya dati, that’s because he’s always giving the correct answer kaya naman tinatanong siya nang tinatanong dahil alam na may isasagot pa siya…

But this?

This was a mess.

“Ano ba’ng pakiramdam niyan?” I asked when I saw Iñigo smoking again. He said before that he only smokes when he’s stressed… Then he’s really stressed lately dahil ilang beses ko na siyang nakita sa labas ng school na naninigarilyo.

“This?” he asked, removing the cigarette from his mouth. “Sakto lang… Bakit?”

“I’m curious.”

“Wag na. Magbubble gum ka na lang.”

“Pero ikaw pwede?”

He laughed. “Oo. Bakit ka pala nandito?” he asked. “Ayaw mo ng usok ng sigarilyo, ’di ba?”

I nodded because he’s right. Madalas ko pa rin siyang makita sa school, pero hindi ko na siya nakaka-usap—we just nod and smile. I’d been really busy with everything. Sobrang pangit ng schedule ko dahil araw-araw, tatlo o apat ang klase ko. Pinaka-malala iyong mula 12noon hanggang 9:30pm diretso.

“How’s Katherine?” I asked.

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Why?”

“Bawal magtanong?”

“Hindi naman… Bakit?”

I shrugged. “Just curious…” I said. Hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin nakikita iyong katawan ng mga magulang niya… She looked so different—she’s much more serious now. Kahit hindi ko siya kaibigan, naninibago ako kapag nakaka-salubong ko siya sa hallway. Gone’s the Katherine who looked like she’s always up to something… She now looked like she’s just living to exist.

“She’s… fine,” Iñigo said.

“Her subjects?”

“Okay naman,” sabi niya. “Tinuturuan ni Jax palagi.” I nodded. “Bakit mo natanong?”

I looked at him. “Nilabas na midterms standing namin,” I said. Rory said na makaka-bawi si Jax sa midterms exam… But she was wrong. My eyes widened when I saw Jax’s midterms. It was not him. He’s really getting himself kicked out.

“Iñigo,” I called.

He laughed nervously. “Bakit? Kinakabahan ako kapag sinasabi mo pangalan ko.”

I looked at him seriously. “Can you talk to Katherine?”

“About what?”

“About Jax. He’s failing.”

He threw his cigarette in the bin and faced me. His face was serious… And it gave me the idea that this wouldn’t be a pleasant conversation. Alam ko naman ’yun… But this needed to be said.

“Ano’ng gusto mong sabihin ko kay Katherine?”

“Tell her to tell Jax to fix his grades.”

His lips parted for a second—like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing from me. But I was serious. I stood there for two months, doing nothing and restraining myself every time I’d see Jax throw away everything he’s worked so hard for.

“Seryoso ka ba?” tanong niya sa akin.

“He’s gonna get kicked out. He’s—”

“School’s not everything, Charisse,” he said, cutting me off. His jaw clenched. His eyes… they were so intense. I’d never seen them like this… For a moment, it felt like he’s ready to defend her with everything he’s got.

“I know that,” I answered, looking at his eyes. I tilted my chin and faced him straightly. I knew he’d think I’m a monster for even suggesting this—but Jax’s my friend. Hindi pwedeng ganito. Hindi pwedeng ganito palagi.

“I know for you, grades are important, but there’s more to life than grades,” he said.

I breathed deeply. I could feel my hands trembling slightly. He’s making me mad. He’s making me so mad.

“Tapos ka na?” tanong ko sa kanya. I looked at him with the disappointment in my eyes. I didn’t even bother to hide it. I was so disappointed in him… Na ganoon ang tingin niya sa akin. Akala ko kilala niya na ako. Kahit papaano. Mali pala ako.

I walked so fast. I didn’t want to talk to him. I didn’t want to see his face. Napatigil lang ako nang makita ko si Katherine. She looked like she lost weight.

Huminga ako nang malalim.

I knew I’d be a bitch by doing this… but I just couldn’t sit there and watch this anymore.

“So… three of our professors talked to Jax today,” I began. I breathed deeply. I didn’t want to do this… But sometimes, you do things even if you don’t want to… simply because you need to. “I know… I know you just lost your parents, and I’d never understand the pain you’re in—”

She cut me off. “Right. So, don’t talk about them.”

My lips parted. It saddened me to watch her like this. I missed the old her—iyong iniirapan ako tuwing makikita niya na kinakausap ko si Jax. I’d rather have that than this… empty shell in front of me.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “But… but Jax will get kicked out if this continues. He’s in his third year in law school, Katherine. This is the hardest year. And you’re not making it any easier for him. I’m sorry. I know nakikielam ako… but I’d seen him right from the beginning. He’s very smart… pero pagdating sa ’yo, natatanga siya.”

Her eyes watered. I knew she knew that I was right… I didn’t want to do this… Pero kung walang magsasabi, ano’ng mangyayari? Sabay naming papanoorin na mauwi sa wala lahat ng pinaghirapan nila?

“Please make him stop prioritizing you… unless you want to see him throw away everything he’s worked hard for. Again, alam kong nakikielam ako… I don’t want to do this, but I also don’t want to see him waste everything. And with the rate things are going—with how badly he’s reciting, his flunked quizzes, and his exam scores? He wouldn’t proceed to fourth year. He’d get kicked out.”

I took a step back. I’d be a bitch for this… But I promised that I always got his back… And this was what it meant.

“Think about it. I know you love him as much as he loves you. I trust you to do the right thing,” I said before I started to walk away. Ramdam ko iyong lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko. Alam ko na magagalit silang lahat sa akin… pero mas gusto ko na ’yun kaysa hayaan sila na itapon lahat ng pinaghirapan nila.

I didn’t care if I’d look like the villain—as long as I know that I took care of them to the best that I could.

Diretso akong naglakad nang bigla akong mapa-hinto nang makita ko kung sino ang naka-rinig sa usapan namin. I turned on the opposite direction, but he was still following me.

His jaw clenched again. “Cha, kakamatay lang ng magulang nung tao! Konting puso naman d’yan!” sigaw niya sa akin na para bang hindi ko naiintindihan ’yun. Alam ko naman. Alam ko na ang sama ko sa paningin niya dahil lang iniisip ko iyong kapakanan ni Jax… But the Katherine I knew? She wouldn’t let this happen. We weren’t friends but I knew she loves Jax so much that she wouldn’t like what was happening… Him throwing away everything just like that.

“Tapos ka na?” tanong kong muli sa kanya. Hindi siya sumagot. Tumalikod ako at nagsimulang maglakad palayo.

“San ka pupunta?” tanong niya habang naka-sunod sa akin.

Hindi ako nagsalita. Ano pang silbi ng pakikipag-usap ko sa kanya kung hindi naman pala niya ako iintindihin?

“Cha!” he called.

I went inside the prayer room, thinking that he’d stop following me, but I was wrong. He followed me inside. I closed my eyes and uttered a prayer, but I could still feel him standing beside me. I was praying that he’d leave me alone. I didn’t want to argue with him. I didn’t have time for that. I had a lot on my plate already.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Just leave,” I replied.

He sat beside me. We were both looking at the crucifix in front of us. I just wanted him to leave. I didn’t have the energy to explain myself to him.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I was out of line.”

Hindi ako nagsalita.

“I know you’re worried about Jax… Pero nag-aalala lang din naman siya kay Kitty… Have you seen her? She… She looks different. Hindi ko na maka-usap minsan.”

I continued to stare in front of me.

“Siguro iniisip mo na lagi kong kinakampihan si Kitty, no?” he asked. “Naiintindihan naman kita, Cha… Pero mas naiintindihan ko siya… Alam ko kasi ’yung pinagdadaanan niya…”

He paused.

For a second.

I was tempted to look at him, but I held my gaze.

“Nung second year high school ako, nalaman namin na may cancer ’yung Mama ko… Pero ayun nga, namatay din siya… Nung una akala namin okay na, pero traydor, e. Biglang bumalik. Tapos mas malala.”

He laughed. A little. Paano niya nagagawa ’yun?

“Alam mo ’yung may iba-ibang coping mechanism ang bawat tao? ’Yung sa tatay ko, naadik sa casino. Ayun… nawala lahat. Bahay, sasakyan, ipon… Tapos na-depress siya lalo kasi… Wala na lahat, e. Ano na lang ba natira sa kanya? Ako na lang.”

I looked at him.

“Kaso… hindi ako sapat, e. Isang hapon, pag-uwi ko, wala na siya… Nag-iwan lang siya ng sulat. Maigsi lang ’yun. Sabi niya lang sorry kasi ’di niya na kaya. Miss na miss niya na raw si Mama.”

He faced me. There was tear in his eyes… Isa lang ’yun… But I wasn’t used to seeing him like this. Mas gusto ko iyong naka-ngiti siya. Hindi ganito. Hindi ako sanay.

“Grumaduate ako ng high school mag-isa lang akong umakyat sa stage. Dapat nga ‘di na ko aattend, e… Pero naalala ko bilin ni Mama umattend ako,” he said. He quickly wiped away the tear like he didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that as much as he tried to downplay his parents’ death, he’s still affected…

“Kaya sorry, Cha… Kasi nung kakamatay lang nila, akala ko mababaliw ako. Buong buhay kasama ko sila tapos biglang wala. Iniwan ako,” he said, looking at me, smiling. “Kaya kakampihan ko muna si Katherine kasi alam ko ’yung nararamdaman niya.”

Chapter 14

#CTG14 Chapter 14

“I’m worried…” Rory said. We’re in Yago’s unit. Jax wanted to drink kaya sinamahan namin. He got himself a bottle that he’s drinking all by himself. Watching him like this was… saddening. I knew he was mad at me for doing what I did, but I always knew that I was just looking after him. Hindi lang namin siya mahatid pauwi dahil mas mag-aalala iyong parents niya kapag nakita siyang ganito. He looked really bad.

“Patigilin mo na uminom…” Rory told Yago when he stood up to get something from the kitchen kung nasaan kaming dalawa ni Rory.

“Bayaan mo,” Yago said. “He’d eventually stop. Let him mope.”

I nodded. This was the worst part… He’d eventually get this out of his system. Alam ko naman na magkakabalikan pa rin sila. Sa future. Kapag okay na silang dalawa. Hindi ngayon. They’re both destroying themselves and they knew it… They weren’t just strong enough to admit it.

Habang busy uminom iyong dalawa, nagreview na ako para sa quiz namin sa Civpro. I wished they’d stop drinking para makapag-aral na sila. Pakiramdam ko badtrip si Dean sa section namin kaya baka maraming ibagsak. Usually kapag ganon, iyong top 30% lang ang pinapasa kaya kailangan talaga naming umayos… Made-delay kami ng isang taon kapag hindi kami pumasa sa CivPro.

“Is he still drunk?” I asked when I saw Jax and Yago arriving in school. Naka-akbay si Yago kay Jax habang naglalakad. Mukhang inaalalayan niya dahil hindi diretso maglakad si Jax.

Rory nodded. “Yeah… Mostly si Jax lang. Ayaw tumigil, e. Akala ko nga dadalhin na namin sa ospital para i-pump ’yung stomach.”

I excused myself and bought him bottled water from the cafeteria. May time pa naman bago iyong quiz namin. He needed to sober up. Ipapa-basa ko sa kanya ’yung reviewer ko para naman may masagot siya kahit papaano. Hindi pa naman siya natatawag sa recit sa CivPro… Kaya pa namang habulin… Kailangan niya lang talagang umayos.

Kailangan niyang umayos. Naaalala ko na naman na sinabi ni Papa na balita niya raw ay bumaba iyong grades ni Jax… Kung paano niya nalaman, hindi ko alam…

“Si Jax?” I asked nang bumalik ako sa pwesto.

“Pumunta silang dalawa sa CR,” Rory said. We waited for a couple of minutes before we both found it weird kung bakit sobrang tagal nila sa CR. Rory tried to call Yago, but he wasn’t answering. Naglakad-lakad kami sa school para hanapin sila.

“Jax, tama na,” Yago said. Agad bumilis ang lakad namin ni Rory nang marinig namin iyong boses ni Yago. We ended up in the end of the hallway. Mabuti na lang at walang klase sa dulong room. I looked around. Wala masyadong tao… But that’s only a matter of time dahil malapit ng magdismiss.

And there they were.

Si Yago na hawak si Jax.

Si Iñigo na naka-tayo sa harap ni Katherine.

This was… a sight.

“May quiz pa tayo,” Yago said. “Tara na.”

“Katherine…” Jax called. I saw how hard Katherine was trying not to look at him. I knew she loves him so much… Kasi kung hindi? She wouldn’t break up with him. She’d just let him take that destructive path and watch him ruin his life for her.

But she loves him enough to break up with him. Because she knew that at this time, that’s the best option.

“Jax, tama na,” she said. “Break na tayo, ’di ba?”

I wanted to turn my back and just walk away. I didn’t enjoy watching this. I didn’t enjoy watching them like this. But I just couldn’t leave them.

This was so fucked up.

“Let’s talk,” Jax said.

“Ayoko,” Katherine replied.

“Katherine—”

“Ayaw niya nga,” Iñigo cut in.

“Hindi kita kausap,” Jax said. His eyes were still red—from crying or from the lack of sleep, I wasn’t sure anymore. Everyday, I reminded myself not to punch Jax even though sometimes, I was so pissed at him already.

“Ako na bahala dito,” Iñigo said to Katherine. She looked at Jax one last time before she quickly walked down the stairs. Sinubukan na habulin siya ni Jax, pero mabilis siyang pinigilan ni Iñigo. I internally cursed when I heard the doors opening. Shit. Hindi sila pwedeng mag-away dito.

I looked at Rory. “Punta na kayo sa classroom,” I said. “Ako na bahala kay Iñigo,” I continued before I went in the middle of the two. They looked like they go in a brawl anytime and we seriously couldn’t afford that—not in the middle of the fucking finals.

Rory and Yago tried to pull Jax away from Iñigo.

“Let it go, dude. Break na kayo—” Iñigo said before Jax’s fist landed on his face. Agad na nanlaki ang mga mata ko dahil sa bilis ng pangyayari. It felt like this internal alarm rang inside me. We’d get suspended. Shit. Papalabas na iyong mga prof.

I quickly pulled Iñigo away before it turned into a full-blown fist fight… but even before I could pull them away from each other, I saw black.

---

“Cha!”

I tried to sit down, but my vision was blurry. I looked around, but I couldn’t completely open my right eye. Nakita ko si Iñigo sa tabi ko. He looked really worried. Shit.

“Ano’ng oras na?”

“4:30,” he said. “San ka pupunta?”

I didn’t bother answering his question. All I could think about was my quiz in CivPro. First quiz namin ’yun ngayong finals… Sabi nila, iyon lang daw iyong quiz namin ngayon tapos baka puro recit na… Kapag hindi ko nakuha ’yun, kinakabahan ako para sa grades ko dahil kalahati ng recit ’yun.

“Cha,” I heard him say again.

“Where’s my bag?” I asked instead. Baka naman good for 1-hour iyong quiz. Kaya ko pa humabol. Kahit 30 minutes lang ako magsagot basta hindi ako zero sa quiz.

Umikot ako sa clinic hanggang sa matigilan ako nang makita ko iyong mukha ko sa salamin. Shit. It wasn’t completely bruising yet pero… fuck. Paano ako uuwi na ’to?! Ano’ng sasabihin ko kay Papa?! Na nasuntok ako sa school?!

Huminga ako nang malalim.

“Umuwi na sila Jax…” I heard him say. “One week suspension.”

Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko. There’s no use in getting mad. Tapos na. Nangyari na. Mapapagod lang ako kapag nagalit ako… pero gustung-gusto kong magalit. Pero pagod na ako. Pagod na akong panoorin sila. Pagod na akong umawat sa kanila. Pagod na akong paalalahanan sila.

Nakita ko iyong bag ko na naka-patong sa upuan. Mabilis kong kinuha iyon at nagsimulang maglakad palabas.

“Cha…” I heard him calling my name again. I gave him no attention. I just… I just wanted to go home and forget this day ever happened. One-week suspension. I’d just think of it as my vacation. Natawag na ako sa halos lahat ng subjects ko… Sa Wills at Torts na lang naman ako hindi natatawag… Okay naman iyong recit ko sa kanila dati… Babawi na lang ako… Wala naman akong choice.

Diretso akong naglakad palabas habang nagbubook ng sasakyan ko. I began to think of a feasible explanation. Maniniwala kaya si Dad kapag sinabi ko na tumama iyong mukha ko sa doorknob? Saan ko ba sasabihin na tumama iyong mukha ko kaya may blackeye ako? Ayoko ng palakihin pa ’to. I just wanted this whole situation to end. I just wanted to get back to just fucking studying.

“Stop,” I said when I felt him standing beside me. I just couldn’t listen to him say my name one more time. “Just… stay away from me.”

I wasn’t looking at him, but it was as if I felt him stiffened.

“Hindi ako galit… but I just can’t handle any more of this. I just want to graduate and take the BAR and be a lawyer,” I said. I briefly closed my eyes as I felt my vision blurrying. Mukhang sa ospital muna ako didiretso.

“Stay away from you?”

I nodded, taking in a deep breath because my vision was starting to blur. I reminded myself to call Chester and tell him that I’d be going to the hospital para samahan niya ako. I couldn’t tell Dad. He’d go to school and demand to know what happened. I just really wanted to close this part of my life.

“Yes. Just like before,” I said before I got inside the car. I rested my head against the seat as I told the driver to bring me to the hospital instead.

---

It was like luck was finally on my side. Dad was in some business trip at next week pa siya uuwi. By then, hindi na gaanong maga iyong mata ko… There’s some bruising, but makeup could take care of that.

Charlie and Chase were worried about me. Akala nila sinuntok ako ni Dad—which was ridiculous because as strict as our Dad was with us, he never hurt us physically. Chester went home to take care of me, which was nice… Pati si Ahia bumisita din. Kung alam ko lang na kailangan ko palang masuntok para makumpleto kami…

I assured them that I was fine. After a week of suspension, bumalik na ako sa school. Hindi naman alam ng mga classmate ko na na-suspend kami… O baka alam nila? Ewan ko. Ayoko ng isipin ’yun. I just wanted to concentrate on studying.

“Welcome back,” Rory said.

“Suspended ka rin,” I replied.

“Three days lang,” she said. “Umawat lang ako, e.”

Umawat lang din naman ako… Akala ba ni Dean nakipagsuntukan din ako kina Jax at Iñigo?

But I remained quiet. I wanted to focus on studying. Nag-aral lang din naman ako nung nasa bahay ako. Hinabol ko iyong mga backlogs ko at nagdigest for CivPro… Naging productive din naman ’yung suspension ko kahit papaano.

Napa-tingin kami ni Rory nang bumukas iyong pinto. Nandun si Jax. He got suspended for a week, too… He took his seat. He looked… normal. He didn’t look drunk anymore. Pagka-upo niya pa lang, kinuha niya iyong codal sa bag niya at tahimik na nagbasa hanggang sa dumating iyong prof namin.

The class started. Natawag kaming apat dahil absent kami last week.

“Yuchengco,” Atty. Haleon called. Jax stood up. “Case of Kho v Court of Appeals.”

Lihim akong napa-ngiti nang magsimulang magdiscuss si Jax ng case. This was the Jax I knew—focused and determined to graduate. He loves Katherine… I knew that one day, they’d find their way back. But for now, we have to focus on the goal.

The day continued. It was almost 10pm when we were dismissed. My mind was already tired. Sabay-sabay kaming naglakad palabas. Rory wanted to have dinner somewhere and I was already hungry.

“Samgyup tayo?” Rory asked.

“Ayoko. Sa malapit na lang,” I replied.

“Okay… Basta ’wag fastfood,” she said. She began to suggest restos we could go to. She asked Jax kung saan gustong kumain, but Jax said na kahit saan okay lang basta malapit lang kasi mag-aaral pa raw siya pag-uwi.

Habang naglalakad kami pababa, natigilan si Rory at Yago dahil nakita namin na papalapit sa amin sina Katherine at Iñigo.

But we all continued to walk and crossed paths like we didn’t know each other. Kagaya ng dati.

Chapter 15

#CTG15 Chapter 15

Shit.

I closed my eyes and prayed that I was just mistaken. Huminga ako nang malalim bago ko buksan muli ang mga mata ko. But the result was still the same…

74

“You okay?” Yago asked.

We’re at the mall, just trying to enjoy before the final year of school resumed. Pinilit kami ni Yago at Rory na gumala bago mag-enrollment next week… We were waiting for our food when I decided to check the portal again.

Fuck.

Panic began to spread across my system. I was sure my Dad would ask about my grades and it’s not like I could just lie about it… He’d ask to see it from the portal itself…

This was so bad.

The last time someone got a failed grade in our family, it didn’t look pretty.

“I… just have to buy something,” I said, standing up and grabbing my bag. They asked kung saan ako pupunta, pero hindi ko sila pinansin. Nagmamadali akong lumabas, hindi alam kung saan pupunta. My mind was in a haywire. I knew I could take this subject kasabay ng 4thyear subjects ko… Hindi ako made-delay, alam ko…

But that wasn’t the point.

I failed.

And it wasn’t an option in my life.

“Are you okay?” Halos mapa-talon ako nang marinig ko ang boses ni Jax. I turned and saw him looking at me. “Lumabas na ’yung grade.”

I nodded. “Bagsak ako.”

“Gusto mo balik tayo sa school? Open naman yata. Hingi tayo ng breakdown ng grades mo?” he offered.

I nodded. “Okay… Sila Rory?”

“Sunod na lang daw. Naka-order na, e,” he said before we began to walk. No one said anything. Tahimik lang kaming dalawa. He didn’t even ask kung saang subject ako bumagsak. I appreciated that. I was just thinking of a reason that I’d tell my Dad…

Pero alam ko naman kung bakit bumagsak ako sa Torts. Aside from my one-week suspension, ilang beses akong umabsent dahil kinailangan ko ng magpa-check up dahil may ilang beses na natakot na rin ako sa pagdudugo ng ilong ko. Nagka-taon na laging Torts iyong natatamaan na subject.

Pagdating namin sa school, diretso lang kaming naglakad. Ako pa iyong natigilan dahil nakita namin ni Jax si Katherine na naglalakad. Jax continued walking like he didn’t see her—he’s so good at ignoring her that sometimes, I’d wonder kung invisible na ba si Katherine sa mundo niya…

I was waiting in front of the Dean’s office when I heard Iñigo’s name. Maybe it wasn’t him… Madami naman sigurong Iñigo sa school na ’to…

“Seryoso? ’Di sila umabot sa QPI?”

“Oo… Nagcurve naman daw si Sir kaya lang taas talaga ni Iñigo…” bulong nung isang babae.

The other one snorted. “Connection naman ’yan si Iñigo kaya mataas grades… Kawawa naman sila Gel.”

“Grabe ka. Matalino naman si Iñigo. Nakaka-sagot naman lagi sa recit. ’Di naman nadadaya ’yun.”

“Matalino nga… pero lalong tumataas grades dahil laging may kopya ng quiz and exams… Tignan mo nanira pa ng curve… Dami tuloy natanggal…”

Were they talking about the Iñigo I know? But even before I could find out, tinawag na ako sa loob.

---

I didn’t know why I ended up inside a karaoke room, listening to Rory murder some song. They were trying to cheer me up because of my failed grade. I was bummed about it, but I wasn’t sad. There’s nothing I could do… Pinakita naman sa akin iyong breakdown. It’s not as if dinaya or dinarts iyong grades ko.

“Kanta ka!” Rory said.

Marahas akong umiling. Over my dead body.

“KJ naman!” she said. “Ikaw, Jax! Kanta ka naman!” she continued, but Jax stood up and went outside instead. “Ang korni niyong dalawa talaga! Bakit ’di na lang kayo, no?”

I rolled my eyes as I stood up, too. Dumiretso ako sa CR. After that, I decided to go outside to get some air first. Kinakabahan akong umuwi… Alam ko na papagalitan ako… Alam na kaya ni Dad? Siguro. He’s got a weird way of knowing news about my studies… It’s almost as if may kakilala siya sa Dean’s office na nagrereport sa kanya ng mga nangyayari sa ’kin.

You’ve got to be kidding me…

Nakita ko si Iñigo na naka-tayo sa isang gilid. He’s got a stick of cigarette in his hand again. It didn’t look like he’s stress-smoking anymore… He’s really a smoker now. Madalas ko na talaga siyang makita sa school na naninigarilyo. It didn’t affect me, though, because we never really talked after he punched me.

He finished his stick kaya tinapon niya na iyon. Babalik na yata siya sa loob nang matigilan siya dahil nakita niya ako. He was standing a few good meters from me. His lips were slightly parted. He looked like I caught him off-guard. It wasn’t like I wanted to see him here, too. Bakit ba kasi nandito din siya?

He smiled. Sandali lang. Humigpit iyong hawak niya sa pack ng sigarilyo sa kamay niya. “Pasok na ko,” sabi niya na parang nagpapaalam.

“Can I have one?” I asked, looking at the pack of cigarette he was holding.

“Alin?”

“Iyan,” sabi ko sabay turo.

“You smoke?” he asked.

“No… But there’s a first time for everything,” I said… Like me failing a subject for the first time. It was… weird. Maybe the reason why I wasn’t that bummed was because it wasn’t sinking in yet. Na bagsak ako. Na may ibinagsak akong subject. Na kahit nag-aral naman ako, kulang pa rin.

“Ito na lang,” he said, he said after he got what looked like a bubble gum from his pocket.

“Sigarilyo,” I said.

“Wag na,” he said. “Di naman nakakawala ’to ng problema.”

“I’d be the judge of that,” I replied.

We stared at each other—he looked like he wouldn’t give me a stick. I looked around to see if there’s a store that would sell me some.

I just… wanted to smoke. Or do something. Anything. I was starting to feel restless. O baka naman dahil lang ayokong umuwi. Pero sabi ng mga kaklase ko, nakaka-wala daw ng stress iyong paninigarilyo… Almost all of them smoke… Mas marami pang naninigarilyo sa classroom namin kaysa sa hindi.

“Ayaw mo ba talaga nitong bubble gum?” he asked again.

Umiling ako. “I wanna smoke.”

Iñigo sighed. “Inom na lang tayo kung may problema ka… ’Wag na ’to,” he said. “Mahirap ’to tigilan kapag nasanay ka,” he continued, throwing the whole pack away. Parang tanga. Puno pa ’yun, e.

I didn’t know how we ended up sitting on the benches outside of a convenience store. We bought beer. I didn’t like the taste. But I pretended to sip… Kinakabahan lang ako baka magtaka si Iñigo na kanina pa ako umiinom pero hindi nababawasan iyong laman ng bote ko.

Beer tastes weird.

“Cha…” he said after a long stretch of silence. I looked at him. Hindi rin ako nagsasalita. ’Di ko rin alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko sa kanya. It’s been what? Nearly a year since we last talked. We just awkwardly see each other in the hallways.

“Sorry ’dun sa nangyari dati,” he continued. “Gusto ko sanang magsorry sa ’yo kaya lang sabi mo sa ’kin ’wag kitang lapitan.”

“It’s okay,” I said. Although at that time, I was so pissed because I had to go through some tests in the hospital to make sure that my head wasn’t injured. It was a lot of work dahil ayokong malaman ni Dad iyong nangyari. I had to use my savings. I couldn’t use my insurance because then my Dad would be notified. It was such a pain.

“Bayaran kita sa ginastos mo sa ospital.”

“Ha?”

“Nagpa-test ka, ’di ba?” he asked. “Bayaran ko pagka-graduate ko… Kahit may interes.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Kanino mo nalaman ’yan?” I asked. Kahit nga sila Jax hindi alam na pumunta ko sa ospital, e. Mga kapatid ko lang nakaka-alam… It’s not as if kilala ni Iñigo ang mga kapatid ko.

“May naka-kita lang sa ’yo,” he said, obviously didn’t want to divulge who told him about my little visit to the hospital.

“Sino?” I asked again.

“Wala,” he said. “Pero babayaran kita, promise. One year na lang naman.”

“Sino?”

He sighed. “Kaibigan ko—”

“Name? At bakit niya ko kilala?”

He reached for the bottle of beer and downed it. “Gracey… Na-kwento lang kita dati.”

My lips parted. That name.

I grabbed my bottle and drank—this time, for real. Halos mabuga ko dahil hindi ko talaga gusto iyong lasa ng beer. Iñigo’s eyes widened at mabilis niya akong inabutan ng panyo niya.

“Sabi ko sa ’yo dapat Smirnoff na lang,” he said as he looked at me—probably laughing. I was 23 yet I still didn’t know how to drink. Hindi ko kasi talaga gusto ’yung lasa.

“San ka pupunta?” I asked when he stood up.

“Bili lang akong tubig,” he said and quickly got back inside the store. I watched his retreating back. Itatanong ko kaya sa kanya kung sino si Gracey? But what for? Did I still have a crush on him? If yes… why? It’s not as if I missed him when we weren’t talking. It was… okay. I was contented with seeing him sometimes in the hallway. I had no urge to talk to him.

Maybe I was just curious.

“Oh.” Inabot niya sa akin iyong bote ng tubig. He uncapped it before handing to me. I drank and felt relief. I’d really take water over everything.

“Babayaran talaga kita,” he said again.

“Sino si Gracey?” I asked, instead.

“Doctor dun… Basta,” he replied vaguely. “Gusto mong gawa tayo ng contract para sure ka na babayaran kita?”

I shook my head. ’Di naman kailangan. ’Di ko rin naman siya sisingilin. ’Di naman ako masamang tao para singilin siya. Wala namang may gustong mangyari ’yun… And I had fault, too. Sino ba ang nagsabi na magandang ideya ang pumagitna sa dalawang lalaking nag-aaway? Looking back, I should’ve just let them punch each other. Nadamay pa ako sa one-week suspension kahit ’di naman ako naka-suntok kahit isa.

But Iñigo wasn’t listening to me. He got the receipt from the water he bought.

“Are you serious?” I asked when I saw him writing down something.

He nodded. “Negotiable promisorry note,” he said. “Payable two years from this date.”

Parang tanga.

Inabot niya sa akin matapos niya iyong pirmahan. Natawa ako. Seryoso nga siya.

“Nilagyan ko ng acceleration clause para kapag nagdefault ako sa installment,” sabi niya.

“Ano ’to? Application ng natutunan mo sa nego?” tanong ko habang binabasa ulit iyong sinulat niya sa receipt. Negotiable nga ’to. May natutunan naman pala siya.

He laughed. Sandali lang. “Medyo… Pero seryoso ako sa babayaran kita. Nahihiya ako.”

I nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay ka ba? Dun sa check-up?”

“Bakit ’di mo na rin tinanong dun sa Gracey?”

He grimaced. “Awkward, e.”

“Bakit?”

“Ex ko, e… Tapos magtatanong ako about sa ibang babae?”

My lips parted… I wasn’t surprised… But I couldn’t still help my reaction. Alam ko naman na may something silang dalawa base pa lang sa pictures nila nung high school. Maybe I just didn’t expect that Iñigo would tell me this. Considering na halos isang taon kaming ’di nag-usap.

“Ah…” was my mere reply.

He smiled briefly. “Okay ka na?”

I nodded. “Yeah… Cautionary lang naman ’yung tests—”

“No, I mean ngayon… Okay ka na?”

“Bakit mo natanong?”

“Bigla kang nanghihingi ng sigarilyo, e.”

I shrugged. “Siguro…” I answered. I looked at him, he was just smiling. I thought he’s gonna ask me kung ano ang problema ko, but he just sat with me silently. Inabot niya iyong bote ng beer at tahimik na ininom ’yun.

I suddenly remembered the girls who were talking earlier… Siya kaya iyong Iñigo na sinasabi nila?

“What?” he asked when he felt me staring at him.

“Nothing,” I said, reaching for my bottled water and drinking it.

We were both watching the people pass in front of us.

“Salamat,” sabi niya.

“San?”

“Sa pagkausap ulit sa ’kin. Akala ko ga-graduate ka ng ’di mo ko pinapansin, e,” he said. “Oo nga pala, congrats. Fourth year ka na.”

“Thanks.”

“Tinatanong ka ni Atty. Cabo sa ’kin… Wala ka raw bang balak mag-apply dun?” he asked, and laughed briefly. “Sa lahat ng nag-assist sa kanya, ikaw lang nagustuhan, e. Pareho kasi kayong sobrang detail-oriented.”

“Dapat naman talaga detail-oriented lahat ng abogado… Kapag may naka-limutan kang kahit isang maliit na bagay, pwedeng makulong o magka-liability ’yung client mo,” I said. “Maybe lawyers don’t deal with lives like doctors… but I believe that it’s just as important. If a lawyer slacks off, he could cost his client his liberty or property… It’s not human life, but it’s still important.”

A small smile appeared on his face. “You’re so smart.”

My lips parted at the sudden remark that came out of his mouth. Napa-abot ulit ako sa tubig.

“Sorry,” he said. “Didn’t mean to voice my thought…”

Tumango ako. Finocus iyong tingin sa harap ko.

“But really… You’re the smartest and most hard working person I know,” he said. Hindi ko pa rin siya tinitignan. “Can’t wait to officially call you Atty. Viste. “

Chapter 16

#CTG16 Chapter 16

For some reason, Dad still hadn’t learned about what happened to my Torts class… It seemed like he’d been really busy with the business. Normally kasi, just days after the release of grades, alam niya na kung ano ang grades ko… Probably the reason why I never lied to him about my grades? Kasi ano ang silbi? Malalaman niya rin naman. Kaya sa pag-aaral ko na lang binubuhos ang effort ko.

“Sino prof mo sa Torts?” Rory asked. We’re still classmates. Mula first year hanggang senior year, magkakasama kami nila Rory, Yago, at Jax. We worked for it, though. Hindi biro iyong pagod namin para manatili sa honors section.

“Same,” I said.

“Bakit? Sa iba ka na!” Rory protested. “Okay daw si Atty. Laras sa Torts. Medyo ’di pumapasok kasi busy pero sure pass daw basta complete requirements mo… Napag-aralan mo naman na ’yan. Baka ma-double flunk ka.”

I merely smiled. Alam ko naman ’yun. Kaya lang itong section lang talaga iyong pasok sa schedule ko. Puro review na kami ngayong fourth year. I’d really rather hindi ko na ulitin ’tong Torts para focused na ako sa review. But I didn’t have a choice. Last year naman na ’to. Next year, hopefully, I’d be a lawyer…

That’s the plan.

Hopefully I’d be a part of the top so that I’d get good offers. Mas mataas ang sweldo, mas mabilis akong makakaalis sa bahay. Ayoko rin naman kasi na umalis doon ng walang plano. Kung aalis man ako, gusto ko na hindi maiisip ni Dad na nagkamali ako ng desisyon.

The Crimrev officially started. I thought I was already used to studying hard, but at some point of the class, biglang wala na akong maintindihan. Pakiramdam ko ay iyong ilang linggo naming dinidiscuss nung first year ako e na-cover namin sa loob ng ilang oras lang.

They really weren’t kidding when they said that everything is fast here in review class.

I tried to follow, though. I just discretely recorded the lecture para papakinggan ko na lang ulit mamaya. Wala na kasi talaga akong maintindihan.

“Grabe…” Rory said when we were dismissed. She looked so tired—ako rin naman. Mas magaling lang siguro akong magpanggap na hindi. “First class pa lang ’yun?”

We all went to our next class. Hilung-hilo na talaga ako nang matapos iyong araw ko. Sumasakit na iyong ulo ko sa dami ng information na kailangan kong alalahanin. Thankfully, alam ko na iyong iba sa kanila. Tinandaan ko kasi iyong sinabi sa amin nung orientation… That your review for the BAR exam starts on the first day of class. So everyday, I study seriously. Kasi ayoko na lahat aaralin ko pa lang kapag review na. Kasi nga dapat review na lang ’yun.

That paid off… kind of.

The next day, I went to school with raging headache. Hinabol ko kasi iyong nirecord ko na lecture kahapon. Ayoko ng backlogs dahil sa bilis ng nangyayari, sigurado ako na ’di ko na mahahabol ’yun if dumami.

This was one of the times that I am really grateful for having a brother who’s a doctor.

Pagdating ko sa school, nag-aral muna ako sandali. I attended another review class before ako pumunta sa Torts. I arrived early because I wanted to sit in front. That way, no choice ako kung hindi makinig. Naniniwala kasi ako sa prevention is better than cure. Maraming distraction sa likod.

“Cha?”

Napa-lingon ako nang may narinig akong pamilyar na boses. Kaklase ko siya? Seriously?

Kumunot ang noo niya. I saw him close his eyes a couple of time as if checking if I was real or just a work of his imagination… And when that didn’t work because obviously nandito din ako, he got his phone and went outside to look at the room number.

“Nasa tamang room ka ba?” he asked nang pumasok ulit siya. “Di ba usually nasa kabilang building mga fourth year?”

I nodded. Dapat siguro sinabi ko na sa kanya nung huling nagkita kami na bagsak ako. Hindi naman ako nahihiya na bumagsak ako. As long as I know I did my best, I’m good with that. Mas mahihiya ako kung bumagsak ako while knowing that I could’ve done better.

“May torts ka?” he asked.

“Obviously.”

Natawa siya. “Sungit,” he said, putting his bag on a chair on the other side of the room. Naupo siya sa desk nun habang naka-harap sa akin. “Classmates tayo?”

“Obviously,” I repeated. “Bumagsak ako,” sabi ko. I just wanted the awkwardness to dissipate. I knew he was wondering kung bakit ako nandito—it’s just either I dropped this or I failed. I failed. End of story.

Iñigo just nodded. “Mahirap ba ’tong Torts? Paturo ako.”

“Bumagsak nga ako, ’di ba?”

He shrugged. “Kapag ba bumagsak, ibig sabihin wala ng alam? Minsan kasi ’di ba wrong timing lang? Marami namang factor kaya bumabagsak. ’Di naman ibig sabihin nung hindi mo alam. Minsan… malas lang talaga.”

I returned my eyes on the book I was reading. “I failed. Don’t make excuses for me. ’Di ko naman dinadamdam.”

I heard his laughter before the door swung open. Nagsimula ng dumating iyong mga tao. A few minutes later, dumating na rin iyong professor namin. I silently listened to his introduction—it was just a rehash of last year’s. And because I already attended this same professor’s subject, alam ko na na may recitation agad sa first day.

“Viste,” called our professor. I stood up. It seemed like he recognized me. Siguro. I clearly remembered last year, blood flowed from my nose right in the middle of the recitation. That’s something that would be remembered.

“Suppose a pregnant woman passenger of a bus were to suffer an abortion following a vehicular accident due to the gross negligence of the bus driver, may she and her husband claim damages from the bus company for the death of their unborn child?” he asked.

I drew deep breath before I began answering. “Yes, they can recover damages from the bus company, however, only damages arising from the injuries suffered by the wife for the loss of her fetus being part of her internal organ due the accident there being gross negligent on the part of the bus driver and for moral damages being accounted for her mental anguish that attended the loss of her unborn child. But only such damages may be awarded by the court, no actual damages may be allowed because an unborn child, according to the law, is not yet considered a person, and the law only allows indemnity only to loss of life of a person.”

I hated to admit it, but that quick stint at the airline company did really help… Hanggang ngayon alam na alam ko pa rin iyong mga kaso kapag transportation related.

“That will do,” he said before I sat down and another class card was drawn. Nang maka-upo ako, I discreetly opened my notebook for another class. May PolRev pa ako mamaya. Sana maaga magdismiss. ’Di pa ako kuntento sa nabasa ko.

By the time the class ended, I quickly fixed my things. It was kind of weird dahil kaklase ko rin pala si Katherine… I really felt bad for what happened to Jax and her… But it needed to be done.

“Ganda ng recit mo,” Iñigo said. “Talino talaga.”

“Thanks,” I simply replied.

“Paturo,” he said, grinning.

“I think you can manage,” I said. “You’re part of the Dean’s list.”

I saw him during the awarding. Hindi ko lang pinansin dahil kasama niya si Katherine. Jax was ignoring them, but it was still very awkward kaya nagpanggap na lang din akong walang nakikita. Even Rory and Yago na usually hindi nahihiya, biglang na-weirduhan sa mga nangyari.

Jax was very weird about it.

“Seventh lang,” he said. “Fourth ka kaya.”

I shrugged. “Thank you. But can I go now? Magrereview pa ako.”

His lips parted. I didn’t know if I offended him… pero kailangan ko na talagang magreview dahil marami iyong coverage ng Poli ngayon. And mahigpit iyong prof kasi naging examiner siya ng BAR.

“Oh. Okay. Sorry,” he said.

“No, it’s fine,” I replied. “Una na ko.”

He nodded. “Sige. Good luck, Cha.”

Tumango din ako sa kanya bago ako dumiretso sa library. I quietly ate the sandwich I got from home habang nagbabasa. When the time for class came, pumunta lang ako sa room. Hindi naman kao natawag sa recit, but I still felt very tired.

As I was waiting for the car, my phone vibrated. I thought it was just a text from the driver… but when I saw my Dad’s name, my heart began to pound wildly against my chest.

‘Go home immediately.’

Three words.

Three words were enough to send shivers down my spine. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang panlalamig ng buo kong katawan. Suddenly, I could hardly breathe. I held my chest and reminded myself to calm down.

Alam ko kung paano siya magalit kapag may bagsak… but I’d never been on the receiving end… I didn’t know how I’d take it if he’d do the thing he’d done to my brother…

And I was afraid of how I’d react.

Quickly, I cancelled the ride and walked on the other direction. I needed to think. I needed to breathe. I couldn’t go home feeling like this dahil alam ko na posibleng hindi maganda ang kalabasan. I needed to know exactly how I’d react kapag sinabi niya na sa akin kung gaano ako kalaking disappointment…

I needed to brace myself.

I ended up outside the church of our school. Tahmik akong naka-upo sa isa sa mga benches doon. Pilit kong kinakalma ang sarili ko.

“Hey…”

I looked up and saw Iñigo standing in front of me. He offered a gentle smile. For some reason, tears began to swell in my eyes. Mabilis kong pinunasan ’yun. Bakit ba ako naiiyak kapag nandyan siya?

“Oh,” sabi niya sabay abot sa akin ng panyo niya. “Gusto mo ng kausap?” he asked.

Hindi ako naka-sagot. Inabot ko iyong panyo niya at pinunasan iyong luha na parang tangang tumutulo. Why was I crying? Alam ko naman na na bagsak ako… Alam ko naman na papagalitan ako… Why was this reaction too late?

“Gusto mo ng pares?”

“Ayokong umuwi.”

“San mo gustong pumunta?”

“Tagaytay.”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Tagaytay?”

I nodded. Ilang beses kong narinig na madalas pumupunta doon sila Yago at Rory… Pati si Jax nagpupunta din sila minsan doon ni Katherine dati… I’d always wanted to go there but I never told them that I wanted to come with them.

“Pero wala akong sasakyan…” he said. “Okay lang sa ’yo magcommute?”

I nodded again. I felt my phone vibrating again. I looked at it and saw Dad’s name. Iñigo saw that, too. I offered a sad smile.

“Turuan mo na lang ako kung pano pumunta dun,” I said. I really didn’t want to go home tonight. I was already so tired… I knew I failed… I just didn’t want to hear it from my Dad. I didn’t want to listen to him telling me that I didn’t do enough because God knows I’m doing my best to fulfill his unrealistic expectation.

I just wanted a break.

Iñigo offered his hand. “Tara habang maaga pa.”

I looked up at him. “Sasama ka?”

“Oo… ’Di kaya ng konsensya ko papuntahin ka sa Tagaytay mag-isa,” he said, smiling.

“Wala ka bang subject bukas?” I asked as I stood up.

“Meron… May subject ka rin naman bukas for sure. E ’di dun na lang tayo magreview.”

“Sigurado ka?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Tara na?”

I looked him in the eye and nodded. “Okay.”

---

Iñigo surely knew his way around Manila. He was the one who lead the way hanggang sa maka-sakay kami sa bus. We were quiet during the ride. I felt weird because he was sitting so close to me. I could smell his cologne. It was weird because I could feel his biceps. Nag-e-exercise siguro siya.

“San tayo pupunta?” he asked in the middle of the ride.

“Bulalo,” I replied. I remembered that’s what Rory and Yago always had when they go to Tagaytay. “Tapos blueberry tarts. Tapos ’yung magandang coffee shop.”

Iñigo laughed. “Baka kulang pa ’yang request mo.”

“I-google ko na lang kung ayaw mo akong samahan.”

“Nandito na nga ako sa bus, oh? Dapat pauwi na ko tapos biglang papunta na kong Tagaytay? Grabe naman, Charisse Faith.”

’Di ko na siya pinansin at pinanood ko na lang iyong mga katabi naming sasakyan. The trip was shorter than expected.

“Tago mo muna relo mo,” he said when we got off of the bus. “Okay lang ba sa ’yo magjeep?”

I nodded. “As long as it’s safe.”

He nodded back. “Okay,” he said. “Ako na magdadala ng bag mo muna.”

“Bakit?”

“Baka may snatcher… Better safe than sorry.”

“Kaya ko namang hawakan.”

“Pano nga kapag may snatcher? Makikipaghatakan ka?”

“Sinasabi mo ba na mas kaya mong makipaghatakan?”

He sighed. “Fine. Basta kapag na-snatch ’yang bag mo, ’wag kang iiyak sa ’kin.”

I rolled my eyes. “Noted.”

A few minutes later, may humintong jeep. Pinauna ako ni Iñigo na sumakay. I sat down on the free space. I was about get my wallet, but Iñigo said, “Ako na. ’Wag ka na makipagtalo. Mamaya na.”

I rolled my eyes again. I watched as he got coins from his coin purse. Natawa ako nang mahina. Who would’ve thought? May coin purse si Iñigo.

“Para ’to sa pagcommute, okay?” he said as if defending himself. “Mas madaling magbayad kapag barya.”

“Wala naman akong sinasabi.”

“Bakit ka tumatawa?”

“Kasi—” I said, but my words were cut midway when I felt someone’s hand on my butt. Agad akong napa-tingin sa katabi ko. He was playing innocent but I could really feel his hand caressing and even had the audacity to squeeze my butt!

I felt my chest heaving. I quickly handed Iñigo my bag and grabbed the hand of this fucking pervert and twisted it.

“Yung kamay ko!” he shouted as I twisted it even more. The audacity of this guy! Porke naka-skirt ako, babastusin niya ako?!

“Cha, ano’ng ginagawa mo?!” Iñigo asked, clearly confused as to why I was suddenly physically hurting this middle-aged man beside me.

“He touched my butt! And squeezed it!”

“Sinungaling!” sigaw nung lalaki. “Wala ka namang ebidensya!”

“Manong, para!” sigaw ni Iñigo. Agad na huminto iyong jeep. I felt everyone’s eyes on us, but that didn’t stop me from holding this pervert’s arm.

Iñigo got out of the jeep and talked to the police who was stationed on the side of the road. Hawak-hawak ko pa rin iyong bastos.

“Miss, bitawan mo na nga ako!”

I ignored him. I was so pissed at the world and the last thing I needed was someone harrassing me.

“Shut up,” I told him. “I’m bringing you to the police.”

It was as if panic ran through his system when he heard the word police and when he saw Iñigo talking to the police.

“Wala naman akong ginagawa!” he claimed.

“Tell that to the police,” I said.

A few minutes later, lumapit sa amin iyong police. Pinababa kaming dalawa. Panay ang sabi nung lalaki na nagsisinungaling lang daw ako. Why would I even do that? As if being harrassed is something to be proud of.

“Miss, may ebidensya ka ba?”

I looked at the police. It was obvious that he’d just tell me to drop this case because I didn’t have the evidence.

“I—”

“Hindi sinungaling ’tong kasama ko, Sir. Kung sinabi niyang hinipuan siya, hinipuan siya. End of discussion,” Iñigo said, looking at the police. “Dalhin na lang natin ’to sa presinto para makapagfile na ng complaint.”

My lips parted.

“Sigurado ba kayo d’yan?” the police asked. “Matagal ’to. Wala pa kayong ebidensya.”

“Sigurado,” Iñigo answered. “Magkita na lang tayo ’dun, Sir. Tawagan ko lang abogado namin,” he continued before he looked at me.

“Sorry,” I told him. “Dapat kakain lang tayo—”

“Di mo naman kasalanan. ’Wag kang magsorry kapag ’di mo kasalanan,” he said, and then turned at the guy who harrassed me. “Ikaw, gago ka, tignan natin kung san ka dadalhin niyang kagaguhan mo,” he continued before I saw him dial someone’s number.

Chapter 17

#CTG17 Chapter 17

“Okay ka lang?” Iñigo asked as he took the empty space beside me. Inabutan niya ako ng paper cup na may lamang kape. I quietly took it and stared at the sun slowly rising before us.

“Sorry,” I said.

“I told you not to say sorry,” he replied.

“No, not about that. Just… sorry.”

“If not about that, about what?” he asked.

I blew against the cup. Sobrang init ng kape na nakikita ko iyong usok. It’s weird but every time I’d see a hot coffee, I’d always associate it with Iñigo. Hindi naman kami ganoong ka-close… I could literally count the times we talked through the three years I’d known him. But for some reason, I felt comfortable around him.

Comfortable enough to cry.

Comfortable enough to show weakness.

It’s weird… but nice.

“Sorry about what?” he repeated.

“Basta sorry,” sagot ko.

“Come on… Sorry tungkol saan?” he asked again. “Kung ayaw mong sabihin, ako na lang magsosorry.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Para san?”

“Dapat nagtaxi na lang tayo. O kaya ’dun kita pinaupo sa tabi ng babae. O kaya—”

“Let’s just both stop apologizing for things which are out of our control,” I said, cutting him off.

A small smile appeared. “Naks… parang linya ko ’yan, ah?”

I rolled my eyes. “Shut up.”

He laughed. “Alam mo, iba ka na kaysa nung unang naka-usap kita…” he said, but I remained silent. “Mas open ka na… Medyo. Obvious naman na marami ka pang problema na ayaw mong sabihin, pero ayos lang. But just know that if you ever need someone to listen, I’m always available.”

“Thanks,” I simply said.

It’s nice… to know that there’s someone who’s ready to listen to you talk. I’d always wanted to have someone like that. Marami akong kapatid, pero hindi kami ganito ka-close… Probably because we’re all too busy trying to make our father proud… Iyong mga kaibigan ko naman, alam ko na pwede ko silang kausapin… I knew that they’d always listen.

But it’s still different.

I couldn’t talk to them.

They’re my friends… but they’re not my person.

I’m not their person.

I’m no one’s favorite.

And it sucked.

“Na-text na kita dati, ’di ba? Sinave mo ba number ko?” he asked. ’Di ako sumagot. “Grabe! Itetext nga ulit kita. Save mo na, okay?”

I shrugged. “Sino ’yung lawyer na pumunta?” pag-iiba ko ng tanong. Pagka-tapos niyang tumawag kanina, mahigit isang oras lang ay may dumating na lalaki. Nag-usap sila ni Iñigo sandali bago iyong abogado ang nakipag-usap sa mga pulis. I was just quietly watching then… The lawyer looked really respectable—like he knew what he was doing.

I wasn’t an idealist—not in the slightest way… Alam ko naman na malaki ang posibilidad na ma-dismiss iyong complaint. Gusto ko lang na dalhin iyong lalaki sa presinto para malaman niya na hindi uubra iyong ginagawa niyang ganon. Na hindi lahat ng babae, takot. Na may iba na hindi papayag na gawin niya ’yun.

I already accepted that the complaint wouldn’t flourish… but for some reason unknown to me, nagawa nung lawyer na matanggap iyong complaint. In fact, the guy was already in custody.

“Atty. Reyes,” he replied. I remained quiet, waiting for him to continue. “Brod ko… Dating nagtrabaho sa prosecutor’s office bago nagprivate practice.”

I nodded. “Pumunta siya dahil lang tumawag ka?”

He nodded back. “Yeah…”

“Must be nice.”

He leaned against the wall behind us and looked at the sun that was almost already done rising. Kitang-kita ko iyong sinag ng araw sa mukha ni Iñigo. If I didn’t know him better, I’d never think that he’s got problems of his own. He had always managed to look like he didn’t have a care in the world…

But we’re just all pretenders.

He’s just better at it.

“Not really,” he said.

“Bakit?”

“Wala,” sabi niya bago biglang tumayo. Biglang may ngiti na naman sa mukha niya. That’s his way of diverting the topic. Madaling mahalata kapag ayaw niyang pag-usapan ang isang bagay… He wasn’t too subtle about that.

But maybe that’s because he wanted someone to notice.

“Alis na tayo?” he asked. Tatango na sana ako… “Bulalo muna tayo?”

“Hindi ka pa ba pagod?”

Umiling siya. “Iyon naman talaga pinunta natin, ’di ba?” he asked, smiling. “Tara na. Tapos balik na tayo kasi may pasok pa mamaya. ’Yung ibang gusto mong puntahan, next time na lang.”

---

“Stop watching me.”

Tumawa siya. “Ngayon ka lang din nakakain ng bulalo at tawilis? Ano ba’ng pagkain sa bahay niyo? Steak? Truffles? Foie gras?”

I rolled my eyes and just focused on eating. Sobrang dami ng serving para sa aming dalawa ni Iñigo. But when Iñigo started eating, finally, mukhang mauubos naman namin.

“Diretso ka ba sa bahay niyo?” he asked.

I shook my head. I continued eating. I stuffed my mouth with more tawilis. No wonder pabalik-balik dito sina Yago at Rory.

“May damit ka ba sa school? Baka kasi traffic. Tapos baka maaga class mo,” he said.

“I’m okay,” I replied. Dadaan ako sa mall at bibili ng bagong damit. I already texted Rory and said that I’d take a shower at her place. Normally she’d ask me why… iniisip niya pa rin siguro na dahil ’to sa bumagsak ako kaya ’di niya muna ako tinatanong.

Nang matapos kami ni Iñigo na kumain, akala ko ay didiretso na kami pauwi, but I was pleasantly surprised when we stopped at some store and got blueberry tarts. I was smiling to myself. Dessert.

“Parang tanga ’to,” he said when he saw me logging in to my online banking and trying to send him the payment for the dessert. Naunahan niya kasi akong magbayad.

“Ayoko ng nililibre,” sagot ko.

“Minsan lang naman.”

“Ayoko pa rin.”

“Di ko naman ikaka-gutom iyong isang box ng tart.”

I clicked send. He rolled his eyes, too. Siya lang ang tao na ayaw binabayaran ang utang.

Pagdating namin pabalik sa Pasay, sabay kaming dumiretso pabalik sa school. Doon pala malapit iyong apartment ni Iñigo. I was about to thank him for accompanying me in this spur of the moment trip when I halted upon seeing my father. In front of the school.

“Charisse,” he called.

I felt my whole body growing colder as he stared at me… and at Iñigo who was standing beside me. Iñigo wasn’t stupid… I knew that at this point, he knew who this man was. It couldn’t be denied since we both looked alike. Siguro kaya rin sobrang taas ng expectation niya sa akin… Dahil kamukha ko siya… Na dahil successful siya, dapat ganoon din ako.

Pero paano kung ayokong maging successful?

Paano kung gusto ko lang maging masaya?

“Sir—” Iñigo said.

“Let’s go,” Dad said, looking at me, blatantly ignoring Iñigo. “Let’s go,” he repeated when I didn’t move an inch from where I was standing.

Huminga ako nang malalim.

“I failed. Torts. I got 74.”

I fisted my knuckle and begged myself to show a brave face. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko dito ginagawa… I knew it’s better to talk about this at home…

I wasn’t that scared of his reaction.

I was more scared of mine.

Maybe doing this in public, I could control myself better.

“Let’s talk about that at home,” he replied.

“I’m taking it this sem. I won’t be delayed. I’ll still graduate on time. I’ll—”

“I said we’ll talk about that at home!” he said in a much higher tone. I flinched on my place. My heart began to race inside my chest. Hindi ako takot? Sino ba ang niloloko ko? I could be 50 and still be scared of him… Because he’s been terrorizing me since I was little… I’d been scared of him for as long as I could remember…

I nodded and quickly followed him. Ni hindi ko magawang lumingon. Sunud-sunod ang hakbang ko hanggang maka-pasok ako sa sasakyan. The silence was suffocating me. I held my hands together and breathed deeply.

“I don’t want to see that boy around you again,” was the first thing he said.

My lips parted. “He’s just my friend…” I said in my small voice.

“Immaterial. I don’t want you around wrong company.”

“Wrong company? You don’t even know—”

“This discussion is over,” he said. “You’re not to hang around that boy again. Am I clear, Charisse Faith?”

I remained silent. I could feel my hands shaking in anger. I was so mad. I was so mad but I couldn’t say anything about it.

“Did I make myself clear, Charisse Faith Viste?” he repeated in a threatening tone.

Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko at huminga nang malalim.

“Please stop the car,” I told the driver.

“What—”

“Please stop the car or I’ll jump from this moving vehicle,” I stated because I was serious. I couldn’t sit here and listen to him tell me what to do. For 23 years, that’s exactly what I did. Sinunod ko lahat ng utos niya sa akin.

I’d been the perfect daughter…

Couldn’t he be a father to me? Kahit hindi na perfect… I just needed a father.

The car pulled over and I quickly got out of the car. I began walking, not knowing where I’d go. I had a plan… it wasn’t concrete yet because I didn’t know that I’d be doing this right now… But I couldn’t live there for one more night.

If I stayed there for another day, I was so afraid that all I’d ever feel for him was hatred…

That I would never be able to forgive him for doing this to me.

“Charisse Faith!” sigaw niya. “What do you think you’re doing?!”

I ignored him.

I kept walking.

I didn’t know what I was doing… I just wanted to be alone.

“All this for that boy?!”

Napa-hinto ako.

Saglit na humarap sa kanya.

“No,” I said. “All this because of you.”

I reminded myself over and over again to control my words. Once said, I couldn’t take them anymore. I was mad… but I needed to reign over my feelings… to control my words.

I just wanted to get away.

“If you take one more step, I’m cutting you off!” he threatened.

I nodded and took a deep breath. I couldn’t even cry. I was just so mad at him. I could never cry in front of him… Because I was trained to always look at him and never show weakness… Because weakness will bring you nowhere… That’s what he always reminded us.

“Here,” I said as I got all my credit cards and debit card. “I never really used those, anyway…”

Muli akong tumalikod at nagsimulang maglakad. Patuloy kong naririnig ang pagtawag niya sa akin. Nagpanggap akong walang pakielam at hindi siya pinansin.

I walked.

And walked.

I returned to school and saw Iñigo right at that spot where we left him. And as soon as I saw him, tears began to form in my eyes.

“I’m fine—” I said, but he was quick to close the distance between us and wrapped me inside his arms. And that was when I allowed myself to cry.

Chapter 18

#CTG18 Chapter 18

It was the longest cry of my life. I cried for what felt like hours. Iñigo quietly sat beside me as I silently cried. I felt tired… so tired. I felt like I was crying for all the times I didn’t let myself cry because I needed to be strong.

But now?

I just… didn’t care anymore.

“Sorry about my Dad,” I said.

“Okay lang ’yun.”

“No, it wasn’t okay,” I replied.

It’s never okay to be rude to anyone—let alone someone whom you’d never met and you didn’t even know.

“Okay lang talaga…” sabi niya. “He probably got the wrong idea. Syempre babae ka tapos ’di ka umuwi kagabi tapos nakita pa niyang magkasama tayo. His reaction—though admittedly wasn’t very nice—was understandable.”

I remained silent. I didn’t want to talk ill about my Dad. I just wanted to apologize for how he behaved, that’s all. It’s our family’s problem—I’d never talk shit about him with anyone.

I was told never to air your dirty laundry in public… because more often than not, people don’t really care… They’re just curious.

“You want me to talk to him?” Mahina akong natawa. “What? Magalang naman ako kausap. At saka marami na kong naka-usap na mas nakaka-takot sa Papa mo, noh.”

“Don’t bother,” I said.

By now, I was pretty sure that he’s already setting up my wedding with someone else. Seeing Iñigo probably just sped things up. He probably thought that his only daughter spent the night with someone whom he didn’t approve.

That must’ve made him seethe with anger.

“You sure?” he asked again.

I nodded. “Affirmative. And again, I’m sorry for how he acted.”

He nodded, too, and another stretch of silence filled the air. Unti-unting dumadating iyong mga college students. We watched them walk around the school. They looked so… happy. I’d say that I was like them when I was in college, but that would be a lie. Every time I’d think about my college life, all I could remember was the pressure I felt to be the class valedictorian. I studied day in and day out just to graduate top of the class.

Kaya rin siguro laging tinatanong ni Dad sa akin sina Jax at Yago… because all my life, I was number 1… But then these two came in and suddenly, his daughter’s not the best anymore.

But I was happy.

I wasn’t number 1 but I got friends… And honestly? I’d take friends any day. Hindi ko naman pwedeng kausapin iyong grades ko. Hindi naman ako inaayang magsamgyupsal ng grades ko.

“San ka pupunta?” tanong ko nang tumayo siya.

He looked at me—his face was serious. He never asked me why I was crying. He just quietly stayed beside me and listened to me cry. I appreciated that. I appreciated that so much.

“Bukas na kasi ’yung caf… Bibili sana kita ng tubig,” he replied.

My lips parted. Why did I even ask? It wasn’t as if he had any responsibility of staying by my side… Ni hindi nga dapat niya ako sinamahan kagabi nang ayain ko siyang pumunta sa Tagaytay. A lot happened since last night—things that shouldn’t even have happened. I wanted to think that I was a bother to him but he never let me think that I was.

“Wag na,” sagot ko sa kanya. I stood up and grabbed my bag.

“San ka pupunta?” he asked.

“Somewhere.”

“Saan?”

I couldn’t answer because I didn’t have a concrete plan yet… Hindi ko pwedeng puntahan iyong mga kapatid ko dahil sigurado ako na magkaka-gulo lang lalo. Ako lang iyong nag-iisang babae nilang kapatid… I was sure that they’d all get mad kapag nalaman nila na umalis ako ng bahay dahil kay Dad.

Si Chase na lang ’yung natitira sa bahay… I was mad at Dad, but I didn’t want him alone. I didn’t hate him.

“Kila Rory?” he asked.

“I’ll just check-in for today… I’ll look for some place this weekend,” sagot ko sa kanya.

Hindi ko kayang maki-tira sa mga kaibigan ko. Nahihiya ako. Ayoko ng pakiramdam na pabigat ako… Kaya hanggang kaya ko, sasarilinin ko lang ’yung problema. Doon ako nasanay. Nasanay ako ng walang tumutulong sa akin—na lahat ng meron ako, pinaghirapan ko.

“Mahal hotel,” he said.

“Just for a few days,” I replied.

I wasn’t broke… May ipon ako. Bata pa lang ako alam ko na dadating ako sa ganitong punto. Alam ko na dadating iyong panahon na hindi ko na kakayanin at lalayas din ako. I had contingency plans.

I couldn’t work this year… Masyadong maraming ginagawa ngayong 4thyear kaya sigurado ako na hindi ko kayang magtrabaho. I’d start working after graduation. Kaya ko namang suportahan iyong sarili ko ngayong taon. Libre naman iyong tuition ko. Kaya ko ’to.

“Okay…” he said. “San ka ba? And kailan ka maghahanap ng lilipatan mo? Samahan kita, gusto mo?”

“Baka busy ka.”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Cha,” he said. “Alam ko mahirap sa ’yong humingi ng tulong… Pero sana ’wag kang mahiya sa ’kin. Kung kailangan mo ng tulong, isang text o tawag lang, promise.”

I pursed my lips. Damn him.

“I won’t even ask why,” he continued. “Just text me that you need me, I’d be there right away.”

I looked at him and saw that he was serious… That if ever I needed him, he’s just one text away. And I couldn’t understand it. I couldn’t understand why he was like this… I knew I wasn’t the easiest person to be with. I was frank. I had no patience. I say what I think. I was cold—kaya nga tinatawag niya akong Queen Elsa…

So, why was he being so nice?

“Bakit?” tanong ko.

He smiled as he stared directly into my eyes. “Because that’s what friends are for, right?”

“Right,” I replied as I began to walk. Naka-sunod sa akin si Iñigo. I didn’t even know where I was headed. Nilabas ko muna iyong phone ko at huminto sandali. I looked for Airbnb listings and chose one that I could immediately go to.

“Ano bang gusto mo? Condo or apartment?” he began to ask. “And magkano budget?”

“Di ko pa alam.”

“Okay… Text mo ko kapag alam mo na para makapagtanong na ko para may pupuntahan na agad tayo sa Saturday? Or Sunday?” he continued to ask.

I just nodded. I was really just so tired.

I told Iñigo that I could handle going to the condo I rented for three days. Malapit lang naman sa school and na-send na sa akin iyong instruction kung paano ako makaka-pasok. I just wanted to sleep right now and just worry about the other things later.

“Samahan na kita,” he insisted.

“Malapit na lang naman,” sagot ko.

“Okay lang,” he said, smiling. “Paano pala books mo?”

I closed my eyes and sighed. Shit. Pano kaya ’yun? I should really text Chase kung pwede na magkita kami tapos bigay niya sa ’kin ’yung libro at reviewers ko… And my laptop.

“Ano ba’ng subject mo mamaya? May reviewer naman ako. Pahiram ko muna sa ’yo.”

I looked at him.

I needed help.

“Pwede?” tanong ko habang seryosong naka-tingin sa kanya. I really needed the reviewer… May PolRev mamaya… Iyong Legal Medicine kahit sa phone ko muna babasahin ’yung reviewer.

He briefly laughed. “Oo nga,” he replied. “Kaya hahatid na kita tapos daan ko na lang sa ’yo mamaya—”

“No, samahan na lang kita sa ’yo tapos kunin ko na. Grab na lang ako papunta sa condo,” I said, cutting him off. I couldn’t bother him any more. Sobrang nakaka-hiya na. Napa-Tagaytay at presinto na siya dahil sa akin. Ang bastos pa ni Dad sa kanya kagabi. I couldn’t inconvenience him any longer.

“Malayo—”

“Don’t argue. Please.”

He sighed. “Fine. Pero taxi na tayo. And ako na magbabayad,” sabi niya. Magsasalita pa sana ako kaya lang sabi niya, “Don’t argue.”

I rolled my eyes. He grinned.

We only rode in the taxi for a few minutes. Malapit lang pala talaga sa school iyong apartment niya. Medyo malapit din sa work niya. We stopped in front of his apartment. It was small, but it looked okay. I looked around and it seemed safe.

“D’yan ka muna,” he said.

“Okay,” sagot ko.

“Maglilinis lang ako. One minute,” he replied before sprinting inside, leaving me outside his doorstep. Madumi ba siya? Bakit kailangan pang maglinis? Sabagay… Hindi naman porke malinis sa katawan, malinis na rin sa gamit. Like Chester—sobrang linis nun sa katawan pero tamad maglinis ng kwarto. Paano kaya nakaka-survive ’yun sa quarters nila? Baka ilang beses na siyang nireklamo.

True to Iñigo’s word, after a minute, lumabas na siya. I could see droplets of sweat on his forehead. Nagpalit din pala siya ng damit. He’s now wearing a white shirt that fitted him like a second skin.

“Pasok ka na,” he said.

“Di na. Pahiram na lang nung sa consti,” I said.

“Sure ka?” he asked. “Malinis naman dito. Medyo maliit pero mag-isa lang naman kasi ako.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Maybe some other time,” I replied. “Baka kasi pagod ka na. And I want to rest already,” I said. I kept on stifling my yawn. Gusto ko nang mahiga sa kama. Gusto ko nang maligo. I was so tired. This had been a long day.

He nodded. “Okay… Sure ka na ayaw mong magpasama sa condo?”

Tumango ako. I held his books. “Yeah,” I said. I pursed my lips for a while and let myself look at him. He’d been awake for more than a day already. Kung saan-saan na kami naka-rating… but for some reason, he still looked good.

He had always looked good—there’s no denying that. Kaya nga maraming med student ang nabaliw sa kanya. And that grin…

But we’re just friends.

He said it himself.

I should know where to put myself. Iñigo has been very nice to me… He’d been there during my lowest… I’d hate to lose him. It was my first time to have someone who’d willingly listen and stay kahit wala kang sinasabi. Iyong hindi magtatanong at tahimik na tatabi lang sa ’yo.

It’s hard to find someone like that.

I should act accordingly.

“Thank you,” I said. “For today, thank you.”

A smile appeared on his face. Sinandal niya iyong gilid ng katawan niya sa pinto. He crossed his arms and his smile grew even bigger. My eyes were starting to roll, but I stopped myself.

“You’re welcome, Miss Viste,” he said.

“Okay. Bye,” sabi ko sabay talikod. Habang naglalakad ako ay narinig ko ang mahinang tawa ni Iñigo. Niyakap ko iyong dalawa niyang libro. Napa-ngiti ako nang makita ko iyong pangalan niyang naka-engrave.

Iñigo Borromeo

Maybe someday he’d like me.

Someday.

Not now. I got lots of problem I needed to face alone. I’d give him nothing—all I’d do is take from him. Wala pa akong maipagmamalaki. I’m just still a student. I’m still struggling.

So, maybe someday.

Now, I have to focus on being a lawyer… so that he could call me Atty. Viste.

Chapter 19

#CTG19 Chapter 19

I wasn’t superman.

I’m just a human.

And I have my limits.

And this was my limit.

My hands were shaking as I stared at the paper in front of me. It was my quiz in Torts. I barely passed. 75. Hindi ’to pwede. I couldn’t fail this subject twice.

“Okay ka lang?”

I quickly hid the paper behind me when I heard Iñigo’s voice. I looked at him and simply nodded. I didn’t make the habit of broadcasting my failure to people. It’s mine to think about.

“Yeah,” I replied quickly. Napa-tingin ako sa hawak niyang papel. 92. I wasn’t surprised… Nakaka-sagot naman talaga siya sa recit.

“May class ka pa after nito, ’di ba?”

“Yes.”

“Ano’ng oras tapos?”

“9pm.”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Sigurado ka bang okay ka lang?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“Sure ka, ha?” he asked again and I merely stared at him. I was looking at his face but my mind was already drifting to my next class. I hated how I was always sacrificing my Torts class dahil sa dami ng inaaral ko para sa review class. I needed to better manage my time. Hindi pwede na ngayon pa ako ma-delay dahil sa isang subject. Wala sa option ko ang pagiging delayed. I needed to graduate this year and then take the BAR. I needed to work. I needed money to support myself.

“Yes, why?”

Iñigo’s eyes were looking at me as if he was trying to figure out if something was wrong—but nothing was wrong. I was just tired, I guessed. Unlike before, I needed to wake up earlier to prepare my food because I needed to save money. I also begin to walk to school because I just realized how expensive commuting was. Pag-uwi ko sa condo, diretso nakaka-tulog ako sa sobrang pagod.

Damned Torts. Bane of my existence.

It was like 360 degree change my life, but it was okay. I just needed getting used to my new routine.

“Di ka na kasi nakikipagtalo o kaya binabara ako gaya ng dati,” he said, shrugging. “You sure na okay ka lang?”

I stared at his face again. That face.

‘After BAR,’ I reminded myself.

“Yes, I’m fine,” I replied. I shoved the paper inside my bag. But even before I could do that, mabilis na nakita ni Iñigo iyon. I watched the expression on his face change—like he understood why I was in such a mood. I knew that he thought he knew me… and probably he’s right. Siguro nga kilala niya ako. Siguro. Sana.

“Quiz lang naman ’yan,” he said like he was trying to make me feel better. It was not working. I wasn’t the kind of person who’d feel better because there’s another opportunity to make up for the loss… Because why would I waste the opportunity in the first place if I could already do better?

“I’m fine,” I replied, not wanting more of his ‘cheer up’ words. I knew he meant well, but I just wasn’t in the mood. I already re-arranged my sleeping schedule inside my head. I’d subtract two hours from my sleep so I could focus on Torts. I really couldn’t afford to fail this subject—not only because I didn’t want to be delayed, but also because I didn’t want to be immensely disappointed in myself.

“If you need help—”

“I appreciate it, pero may klase pa ako,” sabi ko sa kanya bago nagmadaling umalis dahil may review class pa ako. I knew he meant well… but I was just really busy.

Pagdating ko sa classroom, naupo ako sa tabi ni Rory. I opened my codal and read it again while waiting for the professor. Pagdating niya, nagsimula na iyong review class. It all happened so fast—attendance checking, recitation of both concepts and jurisprudence, then quiz to cap it off.

God, I was going crazy!

My mind was already so tired but I still needed to walk back to the condo. I wanted to eat but I just remembered that I forgot my wallet and I didn’t think I had any energy left para bumaba pa ulit. I guessed I’d just sleep with an empty stomach. Bukas na lang ako babawi.

“Ano ’yan?” tanong ko nang makita ko bigla si Iñigo sa harap ko. He was holding a small paper bag and was grinning like an idiot. My eyes were already so tired and I felt like I’d unconsciously fall asleep while talking to him. I was that tired.

“Pares.” Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. He grinned. “Pagkain lang talaga katapat mo, no?”

I pursed my lips. He’s making this hard. I already told myself that whatever business I had with Iñigo, it had to wait after I take the BAR. But he’s really here making this hard.

“Wala ka bang klase?”

“Tapos na,” he said. He stood beside me like he’s preparing to walk beside me. “Cheer up food… and apology food kasi iniwan kita nung Sunday.”

I didn’t reply. Sabi niya sasamahan niya ako sa paghahanap ng condo, but after just looking at one, he received a text from Gracey—he didn’t tell me it was from her, I just accidentally saw her name when he got his phone from his pocket. Sabi niya na aalis siya pero babalik din daw siya… But I had no energy to wait for him. I just read the contract and signed the lease to the first condo we saw.

“In my defense, babalik naman talaga ako. Bakit ka kasi pumirma agad? Marami pa namang condo dito.”

I shrugged. “The unit’s fine.”

“Kahit na—”

I grabbed the paper bag from his grasp. Baka mainis siya sa akin tapos maka-limutan niyang ibigay iyong pagkain. I was really hungry… I’d been eating canned goods for the past few days… I needed real food.

Narinig ko na naman iyong tawa niya.

“Thank you,” mahina kong sabi.

“Ano?” he asked even though I was sure that he heard me. I ignored him. He laughed. “Kung ’di ka marunong magluto, may mga delivery service naman para ’di ka magutom.”

I remained quiet. I continued to walk. Sumabay siya sa akin. Sometimes, I wonder if he’s just really nice… Or if he likes me the way I like him…

But I didn’t want to think about that. I really had too much on my plate already. I couldn’t add him on my list.

“May kulang pa ba sa unit mo?”

“Fully furnished.”

We continued to walk in silence. I could already see the condo building. Ihahatid niya ba ako?

“Galit ka ba sa ’kin?” he asked. “Emergency lang kasi ’yung kay Gracey kaya umalis ako. Bumalik naman ako kaya lang pagbalik ko sabi naka-pirma ka na raw sa lease,” paliwanag niya.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I didn’t know how my friends did this whole ‘love life’… It’s so complicated and time consuming and not to mention confusing. He told me we’re just friends but he’s also doing all these things. And I didn’t want to ask him and risk getting hurt in the middle of all the things I needed to do. I needed to prioritize and this thing was definitely not my priority.

BAR muna.

Title muna.

“Hindi ako galit,” I began. “Pagod lang talaga ako.”

I didn’t want to describe to him how tired I was, but I was pretty sure that it was very evident on my face. I was almost dragging my feet habang naglalakad pauwi. Sigurado din ako na halos pasara na iyong mga mata ko sa sobrang pagod.

“Sa Torts ba ’yan?”

“All of my subjects.”

“San ka pinaka-nahihirapan?”

“Sa lahat.”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “San nga?”

Kumunot din ang noo ko. “Sa lahat nga.”

“Ikaw pa? Talino mo kaya?”

“You’re in law school, too… Do you seriously think I can survive with just being smart? I have to work hard for my grades. Napapagod din ako,” I said and as words came out of my mouth, I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders… I had long been wanting to say these words but for some reason, I had always pretended that I was okay… Because why wouldn’t I be okay? I didn’t worry about my tuition and my allowance like some of my classmates… Ang tanging kailangan ko lang gawin ay ang mag-aral. I felt like I didn’t have the right to complain.

But I was tired.

I was really tired.

“I didn’t—”

“I know,” I said, cutting him off. “I’m just really tired, Iñigo,” I continued, hoping that he’d listen to what I was saying. I didn’t want to argue to with him—I just really wanted to rest. It had been a long day, a long week, a long month. I wanted to sleep.

He nodded, then we proceeded to continuing our walk. Wala ng nagsalita hanggang sa makarating kami sa harap ng building. Hawak ko pa rin iyong paper bag na may lamang pares.

I looked at him and forced a smile on my face because he deserved that, at least. He didn’t even need to get me this but he did because he thought I needed cheering up.

He’s really nice to me.

I couldn’t wait to graduate and finish the BAR.

“Thanks,” I said, pertaining to the pares.

He showed me a small smile. “Wala ’yun,” sabi niya. “If ano…” He looked at me like he wanted to say something but he acquiesced. He drew a deep breath. “If you need anything, please text me.”

I pursed my lips.

‘Don’t ask,’ I told myself. Discussion about this whole confusing thing should be done after I take the BAR. Not now. This could and should take a backseat.

“Noted.”

“Seryoso.”

“Okay.”

He ran his fingers through his hair. “Seryoso kasi, Cha.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Seryoso nga din ako.”

He blew air that made his bangs fly. My lips parted for a second. That was—

He’s just really attractive, isn’t he? From that tanned skin and easy going smile… And that perfect teeth that seemed like he wore braces for years to achieve…

Or was I just crushing on him so hard that everything he does looks good in my eyes?

When did he start being cute and stopped being annoying? I was pretty sure that everything he did before annoy me… What happened?

“Sinave mo na ba number ko?” he asked.

Hindi ako naka-sagot. Hindi ako mahilig magsave ng number. Hinuhulaan ko lang base sa conversation. Konti lang iyong naka-save na number sa phone ko—iyong mga tao na palagay ko ay importante sa buhay ko.

“Save mo na number ko.”

“Okay.”

“Seryoso kasi.”

“Seryoso nga.”

He squinted at me. “Save mo na ngayon.”

“Ano ka? Bata?”

“Kapag may kailangan ka, kahit ano, text mo ko,” he said instead. I remained silent. Mabuti na lang may microwave ako. Lumamig na iyong pares ko sa sobrang dami ng sinasabi ni Iñigo. I was fighting the yawn that was threatening to come out. I was already really sleepy.

“Chat mo na lang ako sa messenger kung ayaw mong isave number ko,” he continued. I nodded. He groaned in frustration. What did he want me to do? I was already as cooperative as I could get. Tumatango na lang ako sa lahat ng sinasabi niya.

“Kulit naman nito,” sabi niya na parang naiinis.

“Umuwi ka na nga,” sabi ko na naiinis na rin. Nagugutom na ako. Gusto kong maligo. Gusto kong matulog. Gusto ko na lang talikuran si Iñigo at iwanan dito… pero hindi ko magawa.

Nagbago na yata talaga ako.

“Cha…”

Kumunot ang noo ko dahil sa pag-iiba ng tono niya. It sounded… softer. My name sounded different this time…

Iniling ko ang ulo ko.

After the BAR.

“I know I call you Miss Independent… but please? Call me?”

“Oo nga, ’di ba—”

“Yung seryoso kasi.”

“Bakit ba ang kulit mo?”

He pressed his lips firmly. My lips parted. I didn’t like his serious side—it was throwing me off. Mas gusto ko iyong hindi siya seryoso. This was making me feel things and I hated it. Not when I perfectly knew I couldn’t do anything about it yet.

“I’m worried,” he said, barely audibly. He was looking at me with those eyes and I breathed in the sight. All in perfect timing. “I feel like this… sort of… happened because your Dad saw you with me.”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” I responded quickly. Humigpit iyong hawak ko sa paper bag. “This has nothing to do with you,” I simply said. I just really didn’t want to talk about my Dad with him—or with anyone outside the family. It’s a family problem and it would be solved within the family… Not now, that’s for sure. But I still wouldn’t talk about it outside. It’s a private matter and it would remain that way.

Iñigo simply nodded, but I was sure that he still wouldn’t drop this. He had this look on his face that told me that he wouldn’t stop it until I promise him that I’d call him if I ever needed something.

“Fine,” I said. “You want to help me?”

He nodded. Quickly.

“If you have any reviewer for Torts—and detailed digests that I can read, that will be very helpful,” I said. I normally wouldn’t want to ask for help, but Iñigo was very persistent… And maybe help would be nice… Kaya ko naman siyang aralin… Pero sobrang dami ko nang inaaral para sa review class. I really didn’t want to sacrifice Torts, but review classes were very demanding.

“Done,” he said. “Anything else?”

“Okay na.”

“Cha—”

“I’m serious,” I said, cutting him off. “I’m good. Thank you for the concern, but I’ll be fine.”

He nodded. “Okay…”

I looked at him. “Good night,” I said and turned my back on him, but I stopped when I heard him call my name.

“Sorry ulit na umalis ako nung Sunday. Bumalik naman ako.”

I pursed my lips. He’s just so confusing. “It’s fine. She’s your ex,” I said. I didn’t know why I said that. I must’ve been too tired already because words just kept on slipping from my mouth.

There was this amused look on his face. I knew he’s about to say something smart so I quickly turned my back on him again and walked quickly inside the building.

Pagdating ko sa unit, mabilis akong naglinis ng katawan. I wanted to eat but it’s already too late so I decided to just put it inside the ref. At least may kakainin na ako bukas.

I was already preparing to sleep when I received a text saying to check my messenger. I sighed as I did as I was asked.

Iñigo Borromeo:

Torts_Midterms_Samplex.docs

Torts_Finals_Samplex.docs

Torts_QuizCompilation.docs

Torts_Digests.pdf

Torts_Reviewer.pdf

Torts_RecitQs.pdf

Iñigo Borromeo:

Good night, Cha! Sino mga prof mo sa rev class mo?

Kumunot iyong noo ko sa mga sinend niya na files. Curiously, I clicked on the finals samplex. Wala talagang finals samplex… Hindi nagbabalik ng booklet iyong school kapag finals. Sanay akong makakita ng samplex ng midterms dahil marami naman talaga niyang nagkalat.

My eyes widened when I realized how awfully familiar the finals file was… This was the exact exam I took just last year… Maraming version ng finals… Bawat taon… What the hell? Bakit siya may kopya nito?

I opened all the files.

Almost all looked familiar.

Why the fuck did he have this? Kaya ba halos perfect lahat ng quiz niya? Kaya ba alam niya na lahat ng tanong sa recit?

Chapter 20

#CTG20 Chapter 20

They say you can do 100 good things and it only takes 1 bad thing to ruin all the good that you did…

When I saw Iñigo at school, I pretended that I didn’t see him. I quickly turned around and took a detour. I just didn’t know what I’d say to him. It was like I was seeing a different person.

He’s been nice to me—really nice…

I didn’t want to think about it. It’s his business—it’s his life. I knew I didn’t have a say in that the same way he didn’t have a say in my life… I was just pissed… but mostly disappointed. Why did he have to cheat? I knew he’s smart. I’d seen him in class. Magaling siyang sumagot.

Why did he have to take the short cut?

But it wasn’t as if I could completely ignore him. Ilang araw ko na siyang hindi nirereplyan sa mga texts at messages niya. And it was normal for him…

Pero sa personal?

I purposely waited for our professor’s arrival bago ako pumasok sa room. I didn’t want him sitting beside me and asking me. I didn’t approve of what he did… but I couldn’t exactly get mad at him.

He’d been unconditionally nice to me. That had to mean something in my dictionary.

“Viste.”

I immediately stood up. My traitor eyes saw Iñigo who offered me a small smile and mouthed ’Kaya mo ‘yan.’

“Does Article 33 of the Civil Code on separate civil action for damages arising from injuries require that there be a reservation in the criminal case to file a separate civil action?”

I drew a deep breath before I answered. I woke up really early para makapagbasa ako sa Torts. I knew I could take the easier way by reading the files Iñigo sent me… But I just wasn’t that kind of person. I’d rather lose sleep than go about with life knowing that I took the easier way instead of working hard.

“No, because such action for damages are separate and distinct from the criminal action and may proceed independently from criminal action. Such is a substantive right and cannot be rendered nugatory by the Rules of Court,” I slowly said, making sure that I said the right words because at this point, every recitation was crucial.

Alam ko na kaya kong ipasa iyong Torts… I survived CivPro and Tax… This should be easier. I just needed to exert more effort and not neglect it in favor of my other subjects.

“That will do,” Sir said before I took my seat. I was careful para hindi ako mapa-tingin sa gawi ni Iñigo. Iyong huling natawag para magrecite, hindi naka-sagot nang maayos. She’s probably unprepared—or not lucky enough to get ahold of those files.

Hindi ko alam pero parang ramdam ko iyong tingin ni Iñigo. I kept my gaze in front of me until the class ended. And when it did, I quickly gathered my things and headed out.

Akala ko mabilis na akong maglakad.

“Cha!”

I closed my eyes and continued walking as if I didn’t hear him. But he was quick and in a second, he’s already right in front of me.

“Ganda ng recit mo kanina,” he said, grinning at me. I looked at him. He still looked the same—sporting that easy smile… The kind that could make me feel warm.

But something’s different.

I just… couldn’t see him the same way.

“May class pa ako,” sagot ko. His smile fell, but he was quick to land on his feet. I wanted him to just get out of my way so I could be out of here already. I didn’t want to talk about what he sent me. I didn’t want to say the wrong words.

I knew it was normal here in law school…

Hindi naman ako inosente.

I just thought he was better than that.

“Sino’ng prof mo sa rev class?” he asked again. I pursed my lips. ‘Don’t go there,’ I reminded myself. “Nabasa mo ba ’yung sinend ko sa ’yo? Nandun ’yung mga tanong kanina…”

I pursed my lips even closer.

“Ayos ka lang, Cha?” tanong niya.

“May class pa ko,” I repeated.

I didn’t want to lie to him. I didn’t want him thinking that I was fine with what he’s doing when I wasn’t. It’s his business, I knew, but this was my feelings.

It’s my choice to work for my grades… And it’s his choice to take the easier road… But this just felt so unfair. It’s so unfair that I lose sleep just to finish reading the coverage… I get crazy repeating the provisions over and over again just to memorize and understand… Tapos…

Shit.

“Okay…” he said. “May nagawa ba akong mali?”

“Wala.”

Wala naman talaga. Ano ba’ng pakielam ko? Problema niya ’yan.

“Sigurado ka? Bakit parang galit ka?”

Umiling ako. “Inaantok lang ako,” sagot ko. I looked at my watch to indicate that I needed to go—or wanted. The more I stood there in front of him, the more I was inclined to ask him why he was doing this.

He’s smart.

He’s hardworking.

But… why the shortcut?

“Si Justice Taniaga ba prof mo sa CivRev?” he asked.

I looked at him. Why was he so persistent? I didn’t want to discuss this with him.

“Send ko—”

“Wag na,” mabilis kong sagot.

Kumunot iyong noo niya. “Ha?”

I pressed my lips together and drew a deep breath. “Okay lang ako.”

“Cha—”

“Sige. May class pa ako,” sabi ko bago mabilis na umalis. But even before I could build a distance between us, I heard his voice. Calling my name. And my feet stopped. Automatically. When I heard him saying my name.

“Did… I do something wrong?” he asked. “Gusto lang naman kitang tulungan.”

Humigpit iyong hawak ko sa mga librong dala ko. Sa mga libro na inabot ako ng umaga kakabasa para lang maintindihan. Sa mga libro na kasama ko mula araw-araw.

“Thanks… but that’s not the help I need,” I said, quickly regretting the words as they rolled off of my mouth.

“What does that mean?” he asked. I closed my eyes again and begged myself to stop speaking. This wasn’t my business. This was his choice. Why was I inserting myself in the situation? This was his—entirely his.

I resumed walking but he followed my pace.

“Ano’ng ibig nun sabihin, Cha?” tanong niya habang sumasabay sa akin maglakad.

“Wala,” sagot ko pero alam ko na ramdam niya kung ano ang ibig kong sabihin. I couldn’t even look him in the eye. I wasn’t good at hiding disappointment… especially with him because I’d always been impressed with him—with how he’s studying so hard and working…

Tapos ganito naman pala.

“Gusto lang naman kitang tulungan kasi nahihirapan ka sa Torts. Bakit parang ang sama ko naman, Cha?”

I hated him saying my name.

I hated because he’s right—tinutulungan niya lang naman ako.

But I was self-righteous to a fucking fault. And his shortcuts didn’t sit well with me who, despite even getting hospitalized for studying relentlessly, still failed a fucking subject.

This was unfair to me.

So fucking unfair.

I quickened my pace. He quickened his, too.

Pero bigla siyang huminto.

“Gusto ko lang tumulong,” rinig kong sabi niya. Hindi ako huminto sa paglalakad. I wanted to walk away from this. I never wanted confrontation if I could avoid one. “Di naman ako mandaraya, Cha. Nag-aaral din naman ako. ’Di naman ako papasa kahit kabisaduhin ko ’yun kung ’di ko naiintindihan binabasa ko.”

I quickened my pace… but why could I still hear him?

“Sakit naman niyan, Cha…” rinig kong sabi niya kasabay nang mahinang pagtawa. “Ni ’di ka maka-tingin sa ’kin, ah. Ang baba na ba bigla ng tingin mo? Gaya ng mga classmates ko? O baka narinig mo na rin ’yung chismis tungkol sa pagcurve? Ako na rin may kasalanan bakit maraming natanggal sa section namin? Tangina, kasalanan ko lahat?”

My hold tightened.

‘Walk away,’ I told myself. Nothing good ever comes from confrontations. It’s just irrational and illogical and nothing good could come out.

“Parang gago. Tangina. Ang unfair…” he said and I heard his footsteps getting fainter and fainter.

---

“Okay ka lang?” Jax asked when he saw me. He was standing outside the room, reading the Rules of Court codal. Hindi pa rin ako maka-galaw. I felt my head pounding. I closed my eyes and tried to relax, but to no avail.

This was why I didn’t want to get involved.

I just really wanna fucking graduate.

I should’ve really stayed on my lane…

But I was so fucking disappointed and I hated that I was this disappointed. I just hated that I felt deceived when in reality, I deluded myself into thinking that he’s ideal…

When he’s just human—human who’s flawed and prone to making mistakes.

“Yeah,” I lied, not really wanting a rehash of what transpired between Iñigo and me. “Late si Sir?”

Umiling siya. “May meeting bigla. Cancelled class. Quiz next meeting,” he replied.

“So, walang class ngayon,” I stated. I wanted to go to class. I wanted to study and drown in concepts and words until I feel so tired that the only thing my mind would think about was sleep…

But life wasn’t on my side.

I kept on thinking about Iñigo.

And how I felt like I was being unfair.

“Yeah,” Jax replied. “Nauna na sila Rory. Kumain ka na ba? Kain tayo.”

I looked at him. Maybe I should talk to him about my dilemma with Iñigo. I needed his insight—or maybe he wasn’t the best person to talk about this because I was pretty sure that he’s not Iñigo’s biggest fan. He’s still not over Katherine and it’s not as if he’s making an effort to get over her. I could remember him sulking when he called his sister and he heard Katherine’s voice on the background—that really pissed him off to the point that he didn’t call Joey again.

Still clearly not over.

“Mag-aaral ka ba after?”

He nodded. “May bagong café,” he said as we began walking. Jax was asking me about something that our prof didn’t answer the last time, but my mind was drifting somewhere else. I just kept on nodding at whatever he was saying.

Pagdating namin sa Maya’s— iyong lagi naming kinakainan na malapit sa school—I couldn’t help but to finally ask Jax. I couldn’t be bothered about this anymore. I needed to concentrate on school. This shouldn’t even have a space on my mind.

“Samplex—cheating or not cheating?” I asked.

He looked at me weirdly. “What?”

“Do you think having a samplex constitutes as cheating? Defend your answer with legal basis.”

Binaba ni Jax iyong menu na hawak niya. He looked at me even more weirdly. But I knew Jax—whatever I’d say to him wouldn’t get out of this table. Hindi naman kasi siya madaldal… minsan lang. But he knew when to keep his mouth shut.

“If you can’t study hard, study smart,” he replied.

“So… okay with samplex?”

“Samplex are just supplements. Kung ’yun lang ang aaralin mo tapos ’yun nga iyong lumabas sa exam, e ’di swerte… But remember that we’re studying not just to pass the subject but to ultimately pass the BAR,” he said, shrugging. “I personally don’t like taking shortcuts, but I don’t share the same experience with other people. We have some classmates who are also working. They don’t have the same time as we do. It ultimately all boils down to what works best for you, I guess.”

I pursed my lips. Tama naman siya. Why was I being such a hypocrite? Iñigo’s working… I’d been there. It wasn’t easy. So what if he’s cheating—

Why was I trying to justify his wrong?

Kailan pa naging tama mandaya? We’re about to become lawyers… And if he’s already cheating while we’re still in school, who’s to say what he’d be capable of when we’re already outside? Of what he’d do when offered money?

Because that’s where it’d all start.

School.

Cheating.

Until you couldn’t control it anymore… because you keep on telling yourself that it’s okay because everyone’s doing it. But why are we normalizing what’s wrong? When it’s clearly wrong because it’s wrong?

“It’s still cheating,” I said. “Don’t you think it’s unfair? Na nagpapaka-hirap tayong mag-aral at pumasa tapos sila pumapasa lang dahil nandadaya sila? Na alam na nila kung ano iyong lalabas sa exam? Mga itatanong ng prof?”

I was breathing heavily. I hated how I was so affected with this.

Why was I so affected? It’s his choice. It’s in his conscience.

“Of course it’s not fair… but if they keep on taking shortcuts, in the end, it will catch up to them. That’s not something we can control,” sabi niya habang naka-kunot ang noo habang naka-tingin sa akin. “Are you okay?”

And I couldn’t answer… because I wasn’t okay. And I hated that I wasn’t okay. Because as much as Jax tried to explain to me why some people opt for that, all I could think about was that Iñigo’s a cheater… And I’d never be okay with that.

Chapter 21

#CTG21 Chapter 21

“Kinds of independent civil action?”

My eyes focused on the book in front of me. I refused to look at Iñigo. Ni hindi ko nga siya magawang tignan kanina nang pumasok ako sa room… but even then, I still managed to feel his eyes on me… as if he was questioning me… na kung bakit ganoon ang tingin ko sa kanya.

It wasn’t something I could control. All my life, I worked for everything that I got— everything . My Dad’s rich… but he wasn’t very generous. Growing up in my family, we weren’t handed everything. Kung may gusto ko, pagtrabahuhan mo. You got low grades? Expect a verbal lashing, lower allowance, and being ignored during breakfasts.

“Violation of civil rights, violation of political rights, defamation, fraud, physicial injuries, and neglect of public officers,” Iñigo answered.

“Example?” Atty asked.

“Examples, Sir, would be Articles 32, 33, and 34 of The New Civil Code, Article 135 of The Labor Code, and Section 5 of the Anti-Sexual Harrassment Act,” he answered. “The underlying concept of this consideration, as provided by The Civil Code Commission, is to allow the citizen to impose his rights in a private action brought by him regardless of the action of the State Attorney. While the State is the complainant in a criminal case, the injured individual is the most concerned because it is he who suffered injuries. He should be allowed to demand reparation for the wrong which particularly affects him.”

The recit dragged on longer than usual. Sa bawat tanong ni Atty, nakaka-sagot si Iñigo. It began to feel like Atty was testing kung hanggang saan ang sagot ni Iñigo… and he had an answer for everything.

I wanted to be impressed—he was impressive…

Maybe if this did happen before, my lips would part and I’d admire him even more… But everything was already marred by the thought that what if he already knew the questions prior? I’d always have that thought.

“That will do,” Atty said. I looked at my watch. The recitation took 45 minutes. It usually lasts for 10 or 15 minutes—depending on the question and how the student phrases his answer—if it would require follow up questions.

Because Iñigo’s recit took most of the time, konti na lang ang natawag pa. Nang i-dismiss kami, nakita ko na kinausap lang niya si Katherine bago mabilis na lumabas. I focused my gaze back to my things. Why was I even surprised? Our last conversation wasn’t nice. I was expecting this… Heck, I even asked for this. Kasi hindi ko alam kung paano siya kakausapin. I didn’t want to talk to him because I didn’t want to say the wrong words. I wanted to be careful with my words.

He’s smart, that’s a given, but that doesn’t excuse what he did. Hindi lang naman siya ang pagod. Lahat kami dito pagod—pero hindi lahat kami ginagawa iyong ginagawa niya. That’s our difference.

And honestly, that’s an irreconcilable difference on my part.

---

I decided I didn’t want to wallow about something I didn’t have control over. I’d just end up frustrating myself and that’s not something I could afford lalo na ngayon na halos patapos na iyong first sem…

This time next year, I’d be taking the BAR.

I needed my whole attention on that and that alone.

I made a mental computation of my grades and I was pretty sure that I’d pass on all of them. Maayos naman lahat ng quizzes at recit ko sa review class dahil doon halos napupunta lahat ng oras ko. Iyong sa Torts, I just needed to maintain my standing para sigurado na papasa ako. I was well-aware that my midterm standing wasn’t up to par because of some of my quizzes. But I was sure I’d pass basta wala akong sobrang mababang score ngayong finals.

Nag-ayos ako ng condo. I wanted to arrange my books according to schedule. I finally had the courage to ask Chase na dalhin sa akin iyong mga libro ko galing sa bahay. He just quietly dropped them off without saying anything. I could understand if he’s pissed because I left him alone with our Dad… But he didn’t say anything.

O baka naiintindihan niya. Kagaya ng pag-intindi ko nang iyong ibang kapatid namin ang umalis. Because we all just wanted to leave that house… And we could never blame anyone for taking the faster way out.

“Right,” I said as I was staring at the 2 books in front of me. I completely forgot about these two. Iyong Consti books na ipinahiram sa akin ni Iñigo nang kakaalis ko pa lang sa bahay at wala akong kahit na anong libro na dala…

This was exactly why I initially wanted to avoid him. Alam ko kung ano ang sasabihin ko kapag tinanong niya ako—pero ayokong sabihin. Kasi naging mabait siya sa akin. Gusto kong ibalik sa kanya… Pero hindi ko alam kung paano.

I didn’t know how to justify with myself how he’s going about with school… And I didn’t exactly want to do that.

Inilagay ko iyong dalawang libro sa paperbag. I’d just give those to him kapag nakita ko siya sa school. Or maybe ilalagay ko na lang sa ibabaw ng upuan niya tutal ayaw niya na rin naman yata akong kausap.

I forced myself to cook. It was Sunday. Mamayang hapon pa ako naka-schedule na mag-aral. Gusto kong maglinis pero wala akong lilinisin. Pero mabilis din akong natapos magluto. Wala akong gustong panoorin o basahin.

“Tanga,” bulong ko sa sarili ko nang kunin ko iyong paper bag at nagsimulang lumabas sa unit ko.

I hated how I knew the direction to his place kahit isang beses pa lang akong naka-punta. Kung sana hindi ko alam, wala akong dahilan para pumunta ngayon. Pero alam ko. Wala akong magawa. Hindi ko mapigilan iyong mga paa ko.

Just a few minutes later, I was already standing outside his place.

“Just give it to him and leave,” I told myself after a few more minutes of just standing there. I just needed to do this and get it over with.

Huminga ako nang malalim.

I was about to knock on his door when it swung open. My lips parted when I realized who it was.

“Gracey,” I uttered.

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Cha… right?” she asked.

Para kaming tangang naka-tingin sa isa’t-isa. We were never formally introduced but we already knew each other. I stared at her. She’s—she’s a lot like Katherine. God, Iñigo really has a type!

“Pasok ka,” sabi niya. “Umalis si Iñigo, e.”

I pressed my lips. Umalis si Iñigo… pero nandito siya? Ganito ba talaga kapag ex girlfriend? Bakit si Katherine hindi naman pumupunta sa bahay ni Jax? Kulang na nga lang magset ng parameters iyong dalawa na ’yun sa school para hindi talaga sila nagkikita, e.

“No,” I said. “Dinala ko lang ’to.”

I tried to hand over the paper bag I was holding, but she merely opened the door wider. “Babalik din naman ’yun mamaya. Pasok ka muna.”

“No, thank you,” I politely replied. I wanted to add na baka hindi rin naman ako gustong papasukin ni Iñigo dito dahil galit iyon sa akin, but that’s none of her business.

Gracey looked at me and smiled.

“Pasok ka na. Hintayin mo na lang siya tapos ikaw magbigay niyan,” sabi niya sabay turo sa hawak ko.

“Iiwan ko na lang dito sa labas kung ayaw mong tanggapin,” sabi ko. Natawa siya bigla. Even her laughter sounded gentle. Sobrang hinhin niyang magsalita.

“No wonder he’s so worked up,” she mentioned.

“Excuse me?”

She smiled. “Come on in. May food naman dito. Meryenda tayo habang wala pa si Iñigo.”

Tumalikod siya at naglakad. I sighed. Ano na naman ’tong pinasok ko? Dapat nag-aaral na ko para sa Legal Medicine, e… Counted ba ’tong pakikipag-usap ko sa doctor?

Pagpasok ko, agad napa-tingin sa paligid. It looked cleaner than the last time I saw the place. May nakita din akong walis. Naglilinis ba si Gracey? Dito ba siya naka-tira?

“I don’t live here,” she said. Kumunot ang noo ko. “No, I don’t read minds,” she continued. She smiled. “Baka kasi iyon ang iniisip mo…”

“I wasn’t thinking anything.”

She smiled still. “Okay… but just clarifying things. Hindi ako naka-tira dito. I just visit him weekly to check on him.”

“Thank you,” I said when she placed a glass of orange juice in front of me.

“Do you want to ask?”

Umiling ako. “Hindi. Iiwan ko lang naman talaga ’yung libro.”

She laughed. “Kaya naman pala sobrang—” she said, and then just stopped. “Nothing.”

I looked at her, my lips pressed into a firm line. Kaya naman pala sobrang? I hated unfinished sentence. Sana hindi na lang sinabi kung hindi tatapusin.

She looked at me, her brows arched. “Curious?”

“No.”

She shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

Ilang minuto ang lumipas na walang nagsasalita sa aming dalawa. Nagkaroon lang ng ingay nang may tumawag sa cellphone niya. She began to talk like a doctor—galing siguro sa ospital iyong tawag.

“Sorry about that,” she said after the call finished.

Tumayo ako. “Pakibigay na lang—”

“Cha,” she said. I looked at her. “Iñigo’s really smart.”

“I know,” I replied, not knowing where she’s going with this. I just wanted to go. She’s Iñigo’s ex… but I like her. There’s nothing not to like. And I didn’t want to be the kind of person who’d hate someone without basis. It wasn’t enough that she’s Iñigo’s ex…

The fact that Iñigo was once with her means that she’s good. Kasi hindi naman magiging sila kung walang maganda sa kanya.

“He didn’t mean to tell me this but he was just so upset that time kaya nasabi niya,” she began. I knew then kung ano ang pag-uusapan. “He’s not a cheater—”

“He is,” I said, cutting her off. “He has a reason for doing that, I understand, but let’s not kid ourselves and say that it’s not cheating. Let’s call a spade a spade, Gracey.”

She pressed her lips. “Fine, Miss Future Lawyer, what’s your basis for saying that he’s a cheater?”

“He sent me the files.”

“He just got those from his frat,” Gracey said. “Nakita mo ba mismo gamit iyong dalawang mata mo na binabasa niya?” tanong niya. “What? Hindi ka maka-sagot? Kasi hindi mo naman nakita, ’di ba?”

I stood up.

“It’s just a little conversation… Akala ko ba mahilig kayong mga law student sa debate?” she asked, smiling.

“I don’t want to talk about this particular topic.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

Gracey looked at me. “You know what, I liked you because of the things Iñigo told me about you… But then here you are, refusing to listen to an explanation of what could’ve happened… Maybe you’re not all that, Miss Viste.”

My breathing started to deepen. Just how much did Iñigo talk to her about me? Akala ko ba ayaw niyang sabihin ako kay Gracey dahil awkward dahil ex niya ’to?

“I never really claimed to be all that,” I said before I left and regretted that I even went here in the first place.

---

“Count the score. After this, I won’t be accepting changes in the grades,” Atty said as he distributed the test booklet. It was already finals pero ngayon pa lang ipinapakita iyong score nung midterms exam.

I heaved out a sigh of relief nang makita ko iyong score ko. 86. Good enough. I just needed to maintain this and I’d finally put this subject behind me for the rest of my life.

After we returned the paper, Atty said, “I’m disappointed with the result of the class as a whole. Did you really review? You’re all in your 3rdyear of law school already. I expect better. You’re not in 1styear anymore where this kind of stupidity is understandable. The questions were basic…” he began his whole 20 minutes of litany. Tahimik lang ako hanggang sa natapos siya. “Bring out your yellow pads. We’ll have a quiz. If your whole class performs well in this quiz, maybe I’ll give additional points.”

Attorney began to dictate the question. My whole body was slightly shaking. I wasn’t prepared for this quiz! Nasa finals na iyong inaaral ko at midterms topic iyong sinasabi niya. But I needed this grade! 86 was okay… but I needed line of 9. That’s always been my goal.

When he finished dictating the questions, we were given 15 minutes to answer. Halos hindi ko na mabasa iyong sulat ko sa sobrang pagmamadali. I wanted to finish answering all the questions dahil sayang naman kung may maiiwan akong blangko.

“Exchange papers,” Atty said. Pinapasa niya iyong mga papel hanggang sa aisle tapos nag-exchange iyong dalawang row. Atty began to say the correct answer to the questions and we finished checking quickly. “Return the paper to the owner and then pass it.”

I passed the paper back to the aisle and waited for the return of mine. Nang maka-balik sa akin iyong papel ko, kunut ang noo ko nang makita ko na 13 out of 20 lang ang score ko. My eyes quickly landed on the handwriting on the bottom of the paper.

Corrected by Borromeo, Iñigo

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Ilang ulit akong huminga nang malalim bago ko binuksan iyong mga mata ko. I checked my answer… Baka kasi mali talaga ako…

Begrudgingly, I stood up and walked towards his seat.

“Tama naman ’to,” sabi ko sabay turo sa ilang items. May mali akong sagot. Tatlo lang. Pero minalian niya iyong iba.

“Kulang ng letter s ,” he said, not even looking at me and just looking at my paper.

I gritted my teeth. “How about this?”

“Di ko mabasa,” he said. “Magulo ’yung sulat mo.”

“Are you being serious?”

“Pa-double check mo kay Sir kung gusto mo,” he said, and then stood up. Agad akong napa-atras dahil sa biglang pagtayo niya. I forgot how tall he was… and how domineering he felt at this moment.

He’s so serious.

His face was grim.

There was no trace of the old Iñigo I used to talk to.

Mabilis niyang ipinasa iyong papel niya pabalik kay Sir. My eyes saw his score. Of course he got the perfect score. Everything he did in this class was perfect—kulang na lang palitan niya si Sir.

I looked at my paper. I already got 86… That’s considered high by many already… Pero mas tataas sana iyong grade ko kung maayos iyong quiz…

Tinignan ko si Sir. May kausap siyang estudyante na nagpapa-correct. I saw how his mood wasn’t ideal… And I didn’t want to risk it. Sinabi niya nung first day pa lang na mas mataas iyong expectation niya sa mga second taker dahil dapat alam na namin lahat ’to…

Fuck Iñigo!

Mabilis kong ipinasa iyong quiz ko bago kinuha iyong bag ko at lumabas. I couldn’t confront Sir about my grades, but I could confront someone about it. He’s so fucking annoying! Minalian niya iyong sagot ko dahil lang according to NCC iyong nilagay ko at hindi iyong exact provision?! He’s being unreasonable! Pati grades ko dinadamay!

Akala ko maiikot ko na iyong buong floor nang hindi siya nakikita. I stopped when I saw him at the end of the hallway. Walang tao doon dahil under construction iyong auditorium. He was fiddling with his phone. I walked to him.

“Kung may problema ka sa ’kin, ’wag mong idamay ’yung grades ko.”

Ibinaba niya iyong phone niya at tinignan ako. “Sabi ko ’di ba ipa-check mo kay Sir kung may problema ka?”

I pressed my lips. “You’re being a fucking asshole right now.”

He looked at me. His eyes were so intense that I almost backed away from him. This wasn’t Iñigo… This was some fucking frat boy who think the school owes him everything…

“I just did what you want. You’re a stickler for rules, right? Sinunod ko lang naman kung ano iyong eksaktong sagot na sinabi ni Sir.”

Palalim nang palalim iyong paghinga ko.

“Kausapin mo na lang si Sir, Charisse. Baka kung tinama ko ’yung sagot mo sabihin mo dinaya ko—”

“You’re acting like a fucking kid,” I said, my chest heaving in anger as I tried to breathe evenly. I could feel tears forming in my eyes as the frustration I was feeling for him got stronger by the second.

Gusto ko siyang intindihin… pero paano ko siya iintindihin kung ganito siya?

“I’m acting like a kid?” he asked, his jaw visibly clenched. “I’m acting like a kid when I just did what you would’ve done? Kasi ’di ba ganon ka? Kailangan sunod lahat sa rules? Sunod sa lahat ng gusto ng tatay mo? Sunod sa lahat ng gusto ng school? Sunod sa—”

I slapped him.

“Fucking kid,” I gritted. “Para kang bata.”

Mabilis akong tumalikod, pero naramdaman ko ang hawak niya sa kamay ko.

“I’m not a kid!” pagtataas niya ng boses.

“Then stop acting like one! Stop being mad at me for thinking that what you’re doing is wrong! Because it’s wrong, Iñigo! ’Di lang ikaw nahihirapan! Pero ’di lahat kagaya mo na nagsho-shortcut!”

“Miss fucking high and mighty,” he said, his hold on my tightening.

I used my other hand to slap him. He looked at me with such fire in his eyes that I almost wanted to run… pero saan ako tatakbo? Walang tao sa paligid. It was only us and some fucking hollow blocks scattered on the floor.

“Nakaka-dalawa ka na…” sabi niya habang naka-tingin sa akin. Mahigpit pa rin ang hawak niya sa braso ko.

“Gagawin ko ’yang tatlo kapag ’di ka tumigil na umarte na parang bata,” I said, my chest heaving as I stared at his blazing eyes.

“Bata talaga, Charisse?” tanong niya habang humakbang palapit sa akin. Agad akong napa-atras… at napa-atras hanggang sa maramdaman ko iyong malamig na pader sa likod ko. “Ginagawa ba ’to ng bata?” muli niyang tanong bago ibaba ang mukha sa akin. My eyes widened. I couldn’t move. All I could think about was how his lips were pressed against mine.

I could feel his heart beating against mine.

I couldn’t move.

I was afraid to move.

“Tell me to fucking stop,” he whispered against my shaking lips. “I don’t want to hear you tell me that I’m not only a cheater, but a fucking sexual offender as well.”

He was staring at me… waiting for a reply.

I couldn’t move… still.

He took a step back.

“I’m sorry for that fucking kiss,” he said. “Just go report me to the Dean’s office—” sabi niya pero mabilis ko siyang sinampal. “What the hell—”

But even before he could hurt me again with his words, I pulled him close and this time, kissed him for real.

Chapter 22

#CTG22 Chapter 22

I could feel my entire body shivering as I felt his lips against mine. I couldn’t move… I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t even know what I was doing! Ano ba ang gusto kong patunayan? I should walk away. I should turn my back on this. I should focus on my subjects, on my grades, on taking the BAR.

But when it came to him…

It only took him a split second before he moved his lips. Agad na nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang maramdaman ko ang kamay niya sa likod ko, hinahatak ako palapit sa kanya.

This kiss… it was nothing like the first time he kissed me. Nothing like the kissed earlier.

Nothing about this kiss was friendly.

It was rough.

And punishing.

I could feel his frustration on me—with how deep he was kissing me as if he wanted to rob me off air and just fucking kill me right there and then… but I was equally frustrated on him. I was frustrated because he’s blaming me for something I had no control over. He wanted me to understand him, but why couldn’t he understand me? Didn’t he see me living day in and day out just studying? Didn’t I sacrifice enough? Bawal ba akong magreklamo? Bawal ba akong mapagod?

In the middle of the kiss, I bit his lower lip… so much so that I started to taste rust in my mouth.

“Fuck!” sigaw niya nang kagatin ko siya. I could see his brows furrowed. His jaw was dangerously clenched.

“Don’t do that to my grades again,” I warned him. “If you’re pissed at me, be pissed at me. ’Wag mong idamay ’yung grades ko.”

He swiped his thumb against his lip and his jaw clenched even more when he saw blood. Ibinalik niya ang tingin niya sa ’kin.

Humakbang siya palapit.

“Sumosobra ka na…” mababang sabi niya habang papalapit siya nang papalapit sa akin. Sinubukan kong umatras, pero wala na akong maatrasan. I could again feel the cold wall behind me. I looked around and realized that there’s nowhere for me to run…

“Tatlong beses mo na kong sinampal… Tinawag ng kung anu-ano…” he said, his tongue briefly swiped against his lower lip. “Ngayon, kinagat mo pa ko.”

My entire system was telling me to run. I knew it was useless. Wala akong madadaanan. But I should make a break for it. The Iñigo right in front of me looked real pissed. It wasn’t very smart to stay here.

I tried to push him out of my way and walk away, but he quickly grabbed my arm and put me back against the wall. Nang subukan ko muling umalis ay hinarang niya ang magkabilang braso niya sa pagitan ko. I was trapped in between his arms.

“Aalis na ako.”

“Hindi pa tayo tapos.”

“Tapos na ako sa ’yo.”

He didn’t answer immediately. I looked up and saw how he was staring at me. I hated how I started to tremble with the intensity of his stares. I hated that I was letting him do this to me. Just because I like him.

“No, Cha,” he said, lowering his head until we’re only inches apart. “I already gave you the opportunity to leave earlier, remember? You’re estopped from leaving now. Even barred by laches.”

I tilted my head to look him in the eyes. “Ano’ng gagawin mo ngayon? Pipilitin mo ako?”

His lips were pressed into a firm line. “Walang pilitan na mangyayari dito, Charisse Faith. Kung gusto mong maging abogado, gusto ko ring maging abogado. I won’t risk my future title,” he said, his hand tracing patterns on my arm.

Was he trying to seduce me? I could feel his face going nearer and nearer—his lips were merely centimeters away from mine. I could feel my heart beating—I could hear it even.

“Stop,” I whispered.

“Really?” he whispered back. His lips barely touched mine.

“Yes. Stop…” I breathed. I could barely handle myself right now. I was all kinds of frustrated at him… And he’s close… So close…

But he wasn’t stopping. One look at his eyes told me that he wasn’t going to stop. He’s going to taunt me and frustrate me and I couldn’t let him do it.

I couldn’t let him control this… whatever this was.

So, I pulled his collar down and just fucking went with it.

I didn’t know what I was doing. I’d never kissed anyone… just him. Siya iyong unang humalik sa akin dati. I didn’t care. It was just his lips touching mine then.

But this?

This was different.

Altogether fucking different.

His lips began to move and I just copied what he was doing. His hands were on my waist… and then I felt his skin against mine. I could feel him caressing my back. I could feel the heat of his skin against mine.

I couldn’t let him win this. Ipinasok ko iyong kamay ko sa loob ng damit niya. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko nang maramdaman ko ang balat niya sa kamay ko. He’s so hot… Literally hot… Like his skin was burning against my touch…

“What are you doing?” he breathed as I touched his stomach. I could hear him panting and groaning.

“Whatever you’re doing… Just better,” I replied. I didn’t even know what the hell I was doing. I just hated that he’s trying to control me with this. Did he know that I like him? Was he using this against me? If he knew, then he must understand why I was so disappointed at him… Because I had high expectation of him…

Pero baka nga kasalanan ko.

Masyado akong nag-expect.

Bumaba iyong kamay niya sa likod ko. His hand was almost resting against my ass. I clenched my jaw and grabbed his ass.

“The hell!” sigaw niya sa gulat.

“Stop messing with me!” sigaw ko sa kanya. “Stop messing with my grades, Iñigo Borromeo! Isang sem na lang, ’di mo na ako makikita sa school na ’to, so, please! Leave my grades alone!”

“Tangina, Cha?!” he shouted. “Tangina. Tangina talaga. Three years na. Nakaka-gigil ka pa rin.”

I didn’t know what he’d do, but with both hands, he grabbed my face and began to kiss me again. My eyes widened when he thrusted his tongue inside my mouth… And I thought he was done, but he pushed me against the wall… Pushed me so hard that I could feel something against my stomach.

“I’m not gonna fuck you,” he whispered as he was kissing my neck. “You’ll beg for it, Cha… Miss Fucking High and Mighty… Once in your life maranasan mo namang magmakaawa…” he said as he gently bit the skin on my neck.

“Screw you.”

“Soon, Viste. Soon.”

I didn’t know for how long we were kissing. All I knew was that whatever he was doing, I just did it better than him. I was so pissed off at him being better in class!

“Shit.”

Agad kaming napa-tigil nang maka-rinig kami ng mga boses na papalapit. I quickly took a step away from him. Nanlalaki ang mga mata ko. I could feel my heart racing inside my chest. Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko, pero nagawa kong pulutin iyong bag ko sa sahig at mabilis na lumabas.

What the hell just happened?

---

“Thank god…” I whispered when I saw a message from the beadle from Torts saying na may ipapagawa lang sa ’min si Sir kasi mawawala siya ng 3 weeks para sa isang convention. Deemed discussed na raw iyong ilang topics. I didn’t care. Ayokong pumasok sa class na ’yun.

“Ano’ng meron?” Rory asked.

“Wala.”

She arched her brow. “Ang secretive, ah? ’Di na nga kita kinulit d’yan sa chikinini sa leeg mo,” sabi niya sabay turo sa pulang marka sa leeg ko. Mabilis kong tinabunan iyon ng buhok ko. Kitang-kita ko na natawa si Yago habang nag-iwas naman ng tingin si Jax. Ang ingay talaga ni Rory.

4 years of being seatmates with Rory taught me that the best way to make her shut up is to ignore her. Kahit ano pa ang tanong niya sa akin ay hindi ko pinansin. Mabuti na lang at dumating din agad iyong prof namin kaya doon na nabaling ang atensyon naming lahat.

By the end of the review class, we were all tired from the information dump. Nawala na sa isip ni Rory iyong nasa leeg ko. I hated myself for not thinking about that! Hindi ko naman alam na nag-iwan pala ng marka doon si Iñigo!

Mabilis akong lumabas. I didn’t want to be asked of questions I had no plan of answering… At ayoko ring makita si Iñigo. It had been a full week after that happened. I really didn’t want to see him. I didn’t want to look at his eyes and remembered everything that went down.

He’d make me beg?

I’d make him beg.

“Cha.” Halos mapa-talon ako nang marinig ko iyong boses ni Jax. “Aral tayo?” he asked and I nodded. At least with Jax, kapag sinabi niyang aral, mag-aaral talaga kami. I didn’t want to stay inside my condo… Kung anu-ano lang ang iniisip ko na hindi ko naman pwedeng isagot sa BAR exam.

We ate first, and then went to a coffee shop… But it seemed like all coffee shops near our school were full. Hahanap pa sana ulit kami nang mag-aya si Jax na sa bahay na lang nila kami.

“Nandun ba kapatid mo?” I asked because for some reason, Joey didn’t really like me… It was okay… Baka may nagawa ako na hindi niya gusto. But it would be nice to know kung ano iyong nagawa ko. I’d been wondering for so long kung bakit parang galit siya tuwing katabi ko iyong kapatid niya.

“Wala. Nasa Cavite,” he replied.

Dumiretso kami sa bahay nila. Pagdating namin doon, sobrang tahimik. Both his parents were still at work kaya iyong kasama lang nila sa bahay ang nandun. We just ate what was available and began studying.

After a few hours, I stood up and stretched. I told Jax na pupunta ako sa kusina para humingi ng tubig. Wala ng tao sa kusina. I looked at my watch, it was 1am already… Kaya pala. Tulog na iyong mga tao. I took the liberty of going to the kitchen. Binuksan ko iyong ref para sana kumuha ng tubig pero naagaw ng canned beers iyong atensyon ko.

“Sa ’yo ’to?” I asked as I returned to the receiving area, two cans in hand.

Napa-tingin si Jax. “Kay Papa,” he said. “Gusto mong uminom?”

I shrugged. Jax stood up. He grabbed one can from my hand. Naglakad siya at sumunod ako sa kanya. Dumiretso kami sa likod ng bahay nila pero basa iyong damo dahil umulan pala. Bumalik kami sa loob, pero dumiretso si Jax sa labas. He looked around and decided to open the backside of a Ford Ranger.

“Sa ’yo ’to?” tanong ko nang maupo siya doon. Lagi kasing iyong Range Rover iyong dala niya… O kaya kapag sinusundo siya, iyong Mercedes Sedan iyong gamit.

“Kay Joey,” sagot niya. “Regalo nila Mama nung nagmed, pero ’di rin ginagamit, e. Ayaw umuwi dito.”

Naupo na rin ako doon. Tahimik kaming naka-upo. Tumingin ako sa langit. Walang masyadong bituin.

“Kuha pa ko?” Jax asked when he saw me crushing the can in my hands. I just nodded and continued to sit there. Kung sa bahay pa ako naka-tira, siguro iniisip ko na iyong curfew ko ngayon pa lang. It’s liberating… quite. But I knew that I still needed to address this problem. Kapag naka-tapos na siguro ako. Para masabi ko naman kay Papa na kaya ko… Na responsable naman ako… Na hindi niya kailangang kontrolin ang bawat aspeto ng buhay ko.

Jax returned with six pack of them. We sat in silence as we drank our beers. I’d always appreciated this silence with him. He’s one of the few friends I’d keep for life. Probably the one I’d call if I ever get in trouble with law.

“Naalala mo iyong sinabi sa ’tin dati nung orientation?” I asked.

“Alin ’dun? Madami ’yun,” sagot niya sabay inom.

“Yung sabi ni Atty. Libera… Na kapag nasa 4thyear ka na, kung ano iyong relationship status mo, dapat imaintain mo na lang ’yun hanggang matapos iyong BAR… Bawal makipagbreak o kaya magkabagong relationship,” I said. Jax nodded in agreement. “Sa tingin mo tama ’yun?”

“Siguro,” sagot niya. “Mahirap kapag distracted.”

“Ah…”

“Ano ba gusto mong marinig?” tanong niya.

“Wala.”

“Okay.”

Silence.

Again.

“I like him,” I said. Alam ko naman na alam niya. ’Di siya tanga… ’Di lang ’din mahilig magtanong hanggang hindi sinasabi sa kanya.

“But?” he asked.

“But what?” I asked back.

“Of course there’s a but,” he said. “You’re the most decisive person I know. The fact that you’re even talking to me about this means that there’s already a huge but,” he continued, shrugging.

“We’re just so different,” I began.

“If you two are the same then won’t it be boring?” he asked back.

“Whatever… This is a non-issue,” I said, finishing another beer. “I have to focus on studying.”

Natawa siya nang sandali. “Okay. Sabi mo, e.”

Natahimik ulit kami. And with that silence, my mind brought me once again to that scene that I badly wanted to erase from my mind… But I couldn’t do it. I hated how I knew every detail, every movement of his hand, every word he said.

I looked at Jax who was silently looking at the space in front of him.

“Wala ka namang girlfriend,” I said before I turned his head in my direction and kissed him. Our lips touched, but I couldn’t feel anything… Pinakiramdaman ko iyong sarili ko, pero wala akong maramdaman bukod sa nangangawit ako sa pwesto namin.

This was really bad… Kung kahit si Jax wala ng epekto sa akin, ibig sabihin sobrang lakas ng kontrol sa akin ni Iñigo… Mas dapat ko siyang hindi makita sa school. I needed to focus on graduating and then reviewing. Sana nasa convention na lang si Sir hanggang matapos ’tong sem na ’to.

“What the hell?” tanong niya nang bumalik ako sa pwesto ko. I reached for another can and opened it.

“Nothing. Just needed to confirm something,” I said before I sighed, realizing how badly I got it for Iñigo.

Chapter 23

#CTG23 Chapter 23

Few more weeks… Few more weeks and this semester would be over. Hindi ko na magiging kaklase si Iñigo. Hindi ko na siya kailangang makita kada linggo. Makakapagfocus na ako sa bagay na dapat kong pagtuunan ng atensyon.

“Di ba may class ka sa Torts?” Rory asked while we were studying. Naka-pwesto kami sa labas ng bagong building kung saan may mga concrete bench. It felt nice here. Malakas iyong hangin.

“Yeah,” I said. “Birthday ni Sir.”

“Di ka papasok?”

“No.”

“Baliw. Pasok ka na! Nag-a-attendance pa rin kaya ’yun… At saka kapag natuwa sa party niyo nagbibigay ng recit grades ’yun sa mga nanalo sa game,” she said. Napailing na lang ako. Naalala ko dati nung sa class ni Sir, nagpaparty din iyong section namin… And then there was this game, iyong kakain ng saging. Of course magka-partner si Rory at Yago… Naka-upo si Yago sa upuan tapos naka-luhod si Rory sa harap. And God, it was so awkward to watch them eye fucking each other while doing that.

Minsan, ayoko na lang umattend ng party dahil halos puro bastos lahat ng laro.

“I’ll pass,” I said.

“Seryoso? Ikaw, aayaw sa free points?” Rory asked. I merely shrugged and just continued reading. Tahimik na ulit kaming nagbabasa nang biglang mapadaan si Atty. Soriano. My eyes widened dahil binati siya nila Yago. I was forced to smile and greet him, as well. Tumigil pa si Atty sandali para kausapin kami. Naggoodluck sa exams namin at sinabi na inaasahan kami ng school para sa susunod na BAR exam.

Nang umalis si Sir, Rory looked at me, her brow arched. “Ano? Aabsent ka pa?”

I sighed. Dapat talaga sa library lang ako nag-aaral.

Kinuha ko na iyong mga gamit ko. Dumiretso agad ako sa room. Nagkaka-gulo iyong mga classmate ko para sa pag-aayos ng mga gagamitin para sa party. I was really amazed at how far law students would go para lang maka-iwas sa recit… We’d spend thousands for a party just so we could have a free day.

“Hi, Ate,” tawag sa akin nung isang babae. “Pwede favor? Pa-gupit naman ’to? Malapit na kasing magtime,” she said as she handed me papers and a pair of scissors.

I merely nodded and began doing what she asked me to do. Naupo lang ako sa isang gilid habang nagkaka-gulo silang lahat. I wasn’t close with anyone in this room dahil hindi ko naman sila ka-batch talaga.

My traitor eyes looked for Iñigo. Wala pa siya dito. Baka hindi papasok. Sana.

“Guys, nasa DO na si Sir! Ayos na tayo! ’Yung lights at saka ’yung lyrics sa kanta sinend na sa GC!” sigaw nung beadle.

Sinundan ko lang iyong mga ginagawa nila. Nang dumating si Sir, hindi na siya nagulat pa dahil sigurado ako na lahat ng klase niya ay nagpaparty para sa birthday niya. It’s already a tradition in law school—birthday ng prof, teacher’s month, and Valentine’s day. Minsan pati Christmas party kapag desperadong maka-iwas sa recitation.

“Happy birthday, Sir!” the beadle greeted in behalf of the class matapos naming kumanta ng Happy Birthday. “If behalf of 3S, we’d like to throw a party to celebrate your special day.”

Atty. Soriano just nodded. “Fine… Pero attendance muna.”

Buti na lang pumasok ako.

The party quickly began. They played different games. Nasa iisang gilid lang ako, sinusubukang magreview habang nag-iingay silang lahat.

“Sino pa’ng hindi nakaka-join sa game?”

Ano kaya kakainin ko mamaya? Walang pagkain sa condo… Maggrocery kaya ako? Magkano na lang ba budget ko ngayong linggo?

Napa-tigil ako sa pag-iisip nang may kumalabit sa akin. Agad akong napa-tingin sa kanya. “Ate, sali daw kayo sa game,” the girl said. I immediately shook my head in disagreement. Ayokong sumali. Hindi naman ako close sa section na ’to. Siguro kung sa block ko talaga, baka sumali ako.

“Yung mga ’di pa raw nakaka-sali sabi ni ni Sir,” dugtong niya. “90 daw sa recit ’yung mga mananalo.”

Ilang beses pa akong umayaw pero hindi ko alam, nakita ko na lang iyong sarili ko sa gitna ng classroom, naka-tayo kasama iyong iba ko pang mga kaklase. Kasalanan ’to ni Rory. At ni Yago. Si Yago iyong tumawag kay Sir kanina kaya nakita niya ako. Puro problema talaga ang dala sa akin ng dalawang ’yun.

“And for our next game,” the host said, “The banana game!”

Oh, hell no.

Mabilis akong tumalikod at simpleng umalis. Nagpapaliwanag ng mechanics iyong host. Hindi ako sasali dito. Wala akong pakielam sa bonus point. Hindi ako kakain ng saging sa harap nila. Ni hindi ko nga alam ang pangalan nila.

I was trying to find my way out when I bumped into someone. I was about to apologize when my eyes widened when I saw who it was.

“Last pair, Viste and Borromeo!”

The hell?!

Agad akong napa-tingin kay Iñigo na naka-kunot din ang noo. He probably had no idea kung ano’ng laro ang sasalihan namin. Parang kakadating niya lang dahil may dala pa siyang bag.

“Boys, upo na kayo,” the host said. Iñigo looked at me briefly, there was a small scowl on his face. Ano’ng problema niya? Ni hindi ko nga siya kinakausap. Wala akong balak kausapin siya—not after what happened in the auditorium. If I could finish this sem without hearing from him, then that would be great.

“Game na, bilis!” the host continued.

I was gently dragged back in the middle of the room. Naka-upo na iyong mga lalaki sa mga upuan sa gitna. In the middle of their legs was the banana… The hell. I told myself that I’d never do this game— never. Not after seeing how it looked like nang ginawa iyon ni Yago at Rory.

I looked around, hoping that there’s someone who’d want to replace me—but even before I could concoct a plan, I heard the host saying that the game’s already beginning.

Para akong na-estatwa sa kinatatayuan ko. The girls knelt on the floor, using their teeth to peel the banana. I couldn’t move. No. I wouldn’t do that. Hell fucking no.

“Cha, bilis, for fun lang naman,” sabi nung beadle habang naka-ngiti. “Baka ma-badtrip si Sir kapag hindi tayo nagcooperate lahat.”

I looked at Iñigo who was merely looking at me. Dapat siguro hindi na lang ako umalis kanina para hindi siya ang naging partner ko. It would way less awkward kung ibang lalaki na lang.

Begrudgingly, I stood in front of Iñigo. I looked at our other classmates. Naka-bukas na iyong saging nila. Babagalan ko na lang. Wala naman akong balak manalo sa ganito.

“Akala ko competitive ka?” Iñigo asked, his brow slightly arched as if he was taunting me.

“I choose my battles,” I replied.

“Di ka lang siguro magaling dito?”

“You say that as if it’s an insult,” I said, merely staring at the poor banana stuck between his legs. Ano ba kasi ang point ng laro na ’to?

“Subo mo na, Cha. Sayang points baka manalo pa tayo,” he said, staring into my eyes as he said those words. This… fucking asshole.

No.

This wasn’t worth it.

I absolutely had no desire of peeling his banana. Hinihintay ko na lang na may maka-ubos sa mga kasama namin para maka-alis na ko dito. Dapat hindi na lang ako pumasok. I’d rather have an incomplete attendance than to go over whatever the hell this was.

But it was as if the world was on Iñigo’s side dahil nang may malapit nang matapos sa mga kaklase ko, maraming kumuha ng video. Someone bumped against my back na naging dahilan para mapa-subsob ako sa hita ni Iñigo. Agad na nanlaki ang mga mata ko.

“Cha, saging iyong isusubo,” rinig kong bulong niya sa akin.

Agad akong nag-angat ng ulo. Kasabay nun ang pag-announce na may iba ng nanalo. Mabilis akong tumayo. Shit. Dapat talaga umabsent na lang ako!

I quickly returned to my seat, planning my escape already. No fucking way I’d stay for one more second dahil baka tumabi pa sa akin si Iñigo. Why the hell was he talking to me that way? Ganoon na ba siya magsalita dati pa? Hindi naman siya ganoon.

“Birthday message naman, Sir!” the beadle said. Great. Ang bastos naman kung ngayon ako lalabas kung kailan paalis na si Sir. Tahimik akong naka-upo, hinihintay na matapos iyong message niya. At nang matapos na iyon, aalis na sana ako talaga kaya lang nagrequest bigla ng class picture iyong mga kaklase ko.

The Lord is testing me.

Mabagal akong naglakad papunta sa gitna. Doon ako pumwesto sa second row. Naghahanap sila ng kukuha ng litrato namin. I was waiting for this to be over when I felt someone standing way too close. I could feel something—

Mabilis akong lumingon para makita kung sino iyong bastos na iyon—and what greeted me was Iñigo’s smug face. What the fuck was he doing?!

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Whatever you’re doing… just better,” he replied, mimicking what I told him the last time I saw him. Huminga ako nang malalim. Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko. Ilang linggo na lang… Ilang linggo na lang.

I took a step forward. I felt bothered knowing that he was—did he really just press his dick against my back?! With his classmates just around us?!

“Thank you, Sir!” my classmates greeted when we finally took the goddamned class picture. Mabilis na sana akong aalis nang sabihin ni Sir na kunin namin iyong quiz sa table. I angrily grabbed my bag and then walked back to the table to get my quiz. Nakita ko si Iñigo na naka-tayo doon. He was looking for his quiz in the stack of yellow paper scattered on the table.

God, I hated this competitive brain of mine.

Mabilis akong naglakad palapit. I, too, stood up behind him and grabbed the paper. Idinikit ko iyong dibdib ko sa likod niya. Nakita ko na lumingon siya nang ginawa ko iyon. I ignored him and just looked for my quiz while pressing my chest against his back.

Two could fucking play this game, asshole.

I’d gone without sex for 23 years of my existence… I could wait for a few more years. Hindi mo ako kayang talunin dito.

“Got it,” I said when I finally found my paper.

“You really wanna do this, Viste?” he asked.

“Di ko alam kung ano’ng sinasabi mo,” sagot ko sa kanya bago inilagay iyong papel sa bag ko at naglakad palabas. I walked a little bit faster than usual. I still had my review class and I could let Iñigo distract me. I really couldn’t answer his name in the BAR exam. It’s enough that he’s already invading my dreams—I couldn’t let him invade my reality, too.

Naglalakad ako pababa nang magulat ako dahil may humila sa braso ko. I quickly looked for who did that when my eyes saw Iñigo. I was about to utter protest nang hilahin niya ako papunta sa—

“Baliw ka ba?!” sigaw ko nang mapunta na naman ako sa lugar na ’to! Panic ran through my system. No… It took me 3 days to get the feel out of my system! Malapit na iyong finals. Hindi ako dapat ma-distract.

“Sshh,” he said, motioning me to be quiet.

“I have a class. Wala akong panahon dito.”

“This will only take a few minutes,” he said before he quickly cupped my face and before I even knew it, he was kissing me again. My eyes were wide open; my mind was trying to process what was happening… again.

But Iñigo wasn’t stopping. He was kissing me as if tomorrow wasn’t going to come. He pressed against the wall again. I knew I should push him off of me but… the hell. I hated that my body was betraying me when it came to him. I needed my mind to function. May klase pa ako!

“May klase ako,” sabi ko sa kanya nang bumaba iyong labi niya sa leeg ko. “And I thought you said I’d have to beg?”

His hand got inside my shirt. Yet again. But this time, his hands got a little higher, just below my chest. This… guy. He’s really testing my patience.

“That was about fucking,” he said, and then brushed his thumb against my nipple. No… This asshole. I’d kill him. “This is just making out.”

“How… is this different?” I asked when he pulled my bra and grabbed—

What were we doing?

“ Interpretatio cessat in claris ,“ he whispered in my ear as he began to massage my breast. No… why did that feel so good? I should be shouting at him and probably punching him because he’s already making me late. “Statcon rule, Cha. I was clear. No room for interpretation for what I said. I meant fucking… not this,” he said before he bit my jaw.

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply.

‘Crimrev class…’ I reminded myself. ‘Title, Charisse Faith. Title.’

I opened my eyes and pushed him away. Inayos ko iyong bra ko at ibinaba iyong damit ko.

“For some reason, alam ko na alam mo kung ano ang schedule ko,” sabi ko sa kanya habang inaayos iyong buhok ko. “Whatever this is you’re doing, make sure it won’t interfere with my class. That’s where I draw the line.”

There was an amused look on his face. I rolled my eyes at him.

“Does this mean pwede kitang hatakin basta hindi makaka-apekto sa sched mo?” tanong niya. I rolled my eyes again.

Tumalikod na ako para pumunta sa class ko na nasa kabilang building pa. I was breathing deeply. Damn this guy. Hindi na naman ako makakapagconcentrate sa lecture mamaya dahil sa ginawa niya.

I stopped on my track and looked at him. Hindi pwede na ako lang iyong hindi mapa-kali. Hindi pwede na grades ko lang iyong maapektuhan.

I was thinking of way on how to get even when my eyes darted at the sight in front of me. The front of his pants looked so tight. My eyes widened at the realization. I guess there’s no need to torture him even more.

Chapter 24

#CTG24 Chapter 24

The next few days were hectic. Papalapit na ang finals pati iyong BAR month. Everyone seemed busier and there was no time to relax. The school was pressuring everyone to study hard because they didn’t want a rerun of what happened last BAR—we failed to get a spot in the top 10. They didn’t blatantly say that they’re disappointed, pero halata naman dahil nagtaas sila ng maintaining grade. I just felt bad for the exam takers this year because the pressure must be so high.

“May duty ka ba sa hotel later?” Rory asked.

I nodded. “Yeah… pina-require sa Torts,” sagot ko.

“Okay… Ayain ka sana namin mag-aral. May bagong bukas na study hub, e.”

“Ayoko kayong kasama mag-aral,” I said. One time, nahulog iyong ballpen ko kaya pinulot ko iyon… And I saw… things . Simula nun, hindi na talaga ako sumama mag-aral kina Yago at Rory. Tuwing magkatabi sila, hindi ko maiwasan isipin kung ano ang nangyayari sa ilalim ng lamesa.

Rory laughed. “Grabe naman ’to! ’Di naman kami ganoon ka-ingay!”

I merely stared at her, not wanting to tell her the real reason why I didn’t want to study with them. Noise, I could drown… The other Rory-Yago things? I could not and did not want to know.

She laughed again. “Finals na kaya. Seryoso naman kami mag-aral,” she said. “Hanggang what time ba duty mo? Sunod ka na lang. Ayaw din kayang sumama ni Jax sa amin! Sasama lang daw siya kapag kasama ka.”

“Until 1am,” I said. And even before she could insist some more, I added, “Didiretso na ako pauwi.”

For the rest of the class, Rory looked at me as though I betrayed her. I focused on studying. Konti na lang talaga, matatapos na ang semester na ’to… And then after this, just one more sem and I could review for the BAR and then take it. I wanted to work already because I knew that my savings wouldn’t last… And I didn’t want to bother my father and my brothers. I got this.

In the middle of the class, natigilan kaming lahat dahil naka-rinig kami ng drums. We all knew what the meant… and our professor allowed us to come out.

“Punta tayo sa baba,” Rory said and we all followed hanggang nasa main hallway na kami. Isa-isang lumalabas iyong mga bar takers for this year. They were all smiling so widely and I couldn’t help but feel proud of them… Graduating from law school was already a feat in itself… I knew the struggles they went through and though I didn’t personally know all of them, I was genuinely happy for them.

“Baby, umiiyak ka na naman?” Yago asked, laughing nang makita na naiiyak na naman si Rory. Mula 1styear hanggang 4th year, tuwing send off, umiiyak talaga si Rory. Couldn’t blame her, though… Medyo nakaka-iyak naman talaga lalo na kapag nakikita mo iyong mga magulang ng mga barrista na umiiyak… So I made sure na hindi ko sila tinitignan dahil ayokong maiyak sa harap nila Yago.

“Congrats!” I said when I saw Rhys approaching. He was wearing a flower necklace. I forgot… magte-take nga pala siya ng BAR ngayon.

“Thanks, Cha,” Rhys said, smiling, before he continued to walk.

Nang matapos iyong procession ng mga BAR takers, naglakad na kami pabalik ng room. Naunang maglakad iyong dalawang lalaki dahil may nakita silang professor na kinausap sila.

“Naks… ’di na kayo awkward ni Rhys?”

Hindi ko pinansin si Rory at binilisan ko ang lakad para maka-balik na agad kami sa room… pero hindi naka-ligtas sa akin ang malakas niyang pagtawa.

Nang matapos iyong class, binilisan ko iyong paglabas dahil baka tanungin na naman ako ni Rory tungkol doon. That was already a non-issue… but when Rory’s bored, she’d make an issue out of nothing.

Rhys told me he liked me.

I said thank you.

End of discussion.

I booked a ride to the hotel. Habang naka-pila ako papasok, bigla akong napa-tingin sa main door ng hotel. May isang grupo ng mga lalaki ang lumabas mula doon. Almost all of them looked familiar… but one guy caught my attention.

He didn’t see me, but I was watching his every movement. Tahimik siyang naglalakad kasama iyong mga brods niya. He didn’t look like the Iñigo I knew from before—the one who reminded me of sunflowers and sunshine… He looked like the Iñigo who fucking told me ‘subo mo na, Cha.’

I wonder who was the real one…

The line was long so I saw where they stopped. I saw them lighting up cigarettes—Iñigo included. Then, he was laughing at something someone said. I watched as he brushed his hair using his fingers, as he blew smoke from his mouth, as he nodded at one girl who looked like she was from a sorority.

And then I focused my attention on the line in front of me.

---

Nang maka-pasok ako sa loob, nagsign in ako para makapagsimula na iyong duty ko. Naka-upo ako sa sign-in table at sumasagot sa mga tanong mula sa mga barrister. After a while, it got boring dahil wala ng masyadong nagtatanong, so I got a codal from my bag and began reviewing instead.

“Cha? Ikaw po ba si Charisse Faith?” Napa-tingin ako sa tao sa harap ko. I merely looked at him. “Ah… Request po kasi nung isang barrister na ikaw daw po magdeliver ng LMTs niya and magwakeup call.”

Agad na kumunot ang noo ko. “Hanggang 1am lang ako,” I said.

“Sorry po… Ikaw po kasi request, e… Ang hirap pong tanggihan kapag nagrequest,” he said, sounding really apologetic. I understood him, though. Mahirap talagang tumanggi sa request ng barrister. With all the pressure of the exam, you just wanted to do whatever they requested.

“Sino ba ’yan?” I asked. If I was requested to do a wakeup call, it meant that I had to stay until 3am or 4am… And normally, I’d be okay… but with Iñigo around, it didn’t seem like a good idea. Mukha pa namang naka-douche mode siya ngayon dahil kasama niya iyong mga brothers niya.

“Rhys Arevalo po.”

Ano ba ’yan.

“Mamayang 2am po lalabas ’yung LMTs. Abot ko na lang sa ’yo, Ate. At saka sa room 2018 si Kuya Rhys,” sabi niya bago mabilis na umalis bago pa ako maka-sagot.

I sighed.

Nang matapos iyong shift ko, naghanap ako ng pwedeng tambayan habang hinihintay iyong materials and iyong oras ng paggising ko kay Rhys. I roamed around the hotel until I reached the pool area. Wala masyadong tao. Doon ako sa pinaka-dulo. The light was good enough so I just reviewed while passing time. And when it was already quarter to 3, bumalik ako sa HQ. Nandun na iyong mga LMTs.

“Good morning,” Rhys greeted after he opened the door. Isang beses lang akong kumatok at bumukas agad… Kanina pa yata siya gising.

“Good luck sa exam,” I simply said, inabot sa kanya iyong ni-request niya na LMT.

He opened the door wider. “Pasok ka muna.”

“No, thanks,” I said. It’s already 3am. I just really wanted to go home and sleep.

“Sige na?” he asked.

“No—”

“Please?” he asked again. “Hindi pa ako natutulog.”

“Baliw ka ba? Bakit hindi ka natulog?”

“Kinakabahan ako,” he said with an uneasy smile.

“You’re the class valedictorian. You’ll pass the BAR.”

His smile grew wider. “Thanks for the confidence, Cha,” he replied, looking at my eyes that made me feel uncomfortable. Walang tao masyado sa hallway. Usually alas-cuatro pa ang wakeup call. Siraulo ’tong si Rhys hindi natulog. Buong araw pa naman iyong exam.

I shifted on my feet. “Sige… Alis na ako.”

“Okay…” he said, actually sounding sad.

“Matulog ka—” I said, then stopped when I realized na mas mahirap kapag natulog siya tapos gigising din agad. “May coffee ka ba d’yan?”

Umiling siya. “Wala.”

I clicked my tongue. “Kukuha kitang coffee. Balik ako,” I said and turned my back on him and walked my way back to the elevator. Bumaba ako sa HQ and looked for the coffee station. Naka-sama ko si Rhys nung second year ako nung sumali ako sa Debate Society… but went inactive when I realized how demanding it was. Priority ko ang acads.

And because I felt weird when Rhys ‘confessed.’ I didn’t want any distraction from school so I decided it’s time to be inactive kahit nag-enjoy naman ako sa org kahit sandali lang ako naging active member.

“Here,” I said. “Black and one teaspoon of sugar.”

He smiled. “Thanks, Cha. Ayaw mo talaga pumasok? Daming pagkain na binigay sa ’kin, e… ’Di ko naman mauubos and ’di ko alam gagawin.”

“Pauwi mo sa parents mo.”

“Next Sunday pa sila dadating.”

I sighed. Ang kulit naman nito. Pumasok na ako. Mabait naman si Rhys… but Dad met him once and it was obvious that he really liked him. That was why I found it so weird—and scary—when he told me he liked me. Baka kapag nalaman ni Dad, ipa-kasal agad kaming dalawa. Dad liked Rhys and he was vocal about it—plus the fact that his family was rich and Rhys is really smart.

True to what he said, maraming pagkain sa loob ng hotel room niya. There were boxes of pizzas and donus and cakes and flowers. Hindi na ako nagtaka. He’s class valedictorian, he’s really friendly, and marami siyang org sa school.

Rhys said that he’s really nervous because of the pressure he was receiving from the admin. Dahil walang naka-pasok sa top 10 last year and nakuha ng Brent iyong majority ng top 10 spots, pressured siya na siya ang magtop sa BAR ngayon… No wonder hindi maka-tulog ’tong tao na ’to.

“Stop worrying about their expectation and just answer,” sabi ko sa kanya. “Kailangan mo lang namang pumasa. Who cares if they’d be disappointed?”

He laughed. “Kayo iyong mahihirapan kapag pangit iyong results ng batch ko.”

I shrugged. “Who cares?”

“Iba ka na, ah…” he said, smiling. “The old Cha I knew would’ve probably told me to ace the exam.”

I shrugged again as I stood up, shaking off the donut powder from my pants. Ang dami kasi talagang donuts… sayang naman.

“5am na. Good luck sa exam, Rhys.”

He smiled at me. “Thanks, Cha… Next year, ibabarops kita.”

Hinatid niya ako palabas ng hotel room niya. I said good luck once again. Nang maglalakad ako sa hallway papunta sana sa elevator, agad akong natigilan nang makita ko si Iñigo. His forehead was slightly creased as if he was trying to make sure that he was seeing correctly.

Shit.

Ayan na nga sinasabi ko, e.

“What… are you doing here?” he asked.

“Barops,” I simply replied. We hadn’t seen each other since the last time he pulled me and kissed me. It’s BAR month and we’re all busy. I wished I finished this sem without seeing him again. Ilang araw na naman akong ginulo nung ginawa niya.

“Yeah, I know,” sagot niya na parang nainis. “Bakit nanditong floor ka?”

“Ikaw ba may-ari nito?”

I saw him pressing his lips together. “Naka-check-in kami sa buong floor na ’to. Sino’ng pinuntahan mo?” he asked demandingly.

“Wala,” sagot ko na sinubukang maglakad at lampasan siya, pero sino ba ang niloloko ko? He grabbed my arm, forcing me to stay and look at him. He smelled of cigarette and I hated that smell.

“I thought we had a deal?” he asked.

“What deal?”

“That… as long as hindi makaka-abala sa sched mo… pwede kitang…” he said. And even though the light was dim in the hallway, I could see how his face turned red. “Hatakin.”

“Wala akong maalala,” sagot ko.

His jaw clenched. “Gusto mong ipaalala ko sa ’yo?”

“Gusto mong masampal?”

He was looking at me like he was barley trying to keep it together at mapipikon na talaga siya sa ’kin.

“Sino na lang pinuntahan mo?” ulit niya.

“Wala—” sasagot pa sana ako nang marinig ko na may tumatawag sa pangalan ko. Sabay kaming napa-lingon at nakita namin si Rhys na papalapit sa amin.

“Cha,” he said, holding a book. “Buti nandito ka pa. Naiwan mo,” sabi niya sabay abot sa akin ng codal ko. Shit. Buti inabot niya! Babasahin ko pa naman ’yan bukas—na mamaya na pala. It’s already Sunday and I just wanted to sleep already. May pasok na naman bukas. Hindi pa ako nakakapagpahinga.

“Thanks…” I said.

“Borromeo,” he said, looking at Iñigo. I turned my eyes on Iñigo who was now sporting a serious look on his face. “Pasabi naman kay Yohan na sabay na ko sa kanya sa breakfast pahintay na lang ako.”

“Yes, sir,” Iñigo said. Kumunot ang noo ko. What was happening?

“Balik na ko, Cha. Ingat pauwi,” Rhys said, his tone was softer and calmer than when he was talking to Iñigo.

Iñigo and I watched as Rhys got back to his unit. Napa-tingin ako kay Iñigo. He looked physically pissed—his jaw was clenched and his hand was balled into a fist.

“Rhys,” he whispered. “Fucking Rhys,” he repeated before leaving me there… confused because what the fuck did just happen?

Chapter 25

#CTG25 Chapter 25

“Akala ko one Sunday lang duty mo?” Rory asked as she watch me prepare my things bago ako dumiretso sa hotel. I was tempted to answer ‘I thought so, too’ but decided against it. There’s nothing good that would come from her knowing na kaya ako pupunta sa hotel ay dahil sa request ni Rhys na ako iyong maghatid ng LMTs niya at magwakeup call sa kanya…

Which was weird… since I discovered na ka-frat yata siya ni Iñigo. Because if that’s the case, sigurado ako na bina-barops siya ng mga ka-frat niya. They even rented a whole floor of the hotel—which wasn’t surprising knowing that their frat’s the richest and most powerful in school. Sobrang dami nilang brods na nasa matataas na position—both in public and private sectors.

Pagdating ko sa hotel, dumiretso ako sa isa sa mga coffee shops doon. Inayos ko iyong mga gamit ko. Mamaya pa namang madaling araw ako kailangan. Nagsimula akong magbasa ng reviewer para hindi masayang ang oras ko. After a while, my eyes got tired. Tumayo ako at iniwan doon iyong gamit ko para maglakad-lakad.

“Cha!”

I sighed when I heard my name being called. I really wasn’t in the mood to socialize—I never was… Naglakad lang naman ako para ma-relax dahil nahihilo na ako sa mga binabasa ko.

I turned around and saw Rhys waving at me. Agad na kumunot and noo ko nang makita ko si Gracey na katabi niya… at si Iñigo. What the hell was happening?

Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko lalo na nang lumapit silang lahat sa akin—kasama iyong mga magulang ni Rhys… The hell… Magkapatid ba sila ni Gracey?

I looked at Iñigo’s face and he looked like he’d be anywhere but here. I was starting to doubt every decision I made. Bakit ba ako umalis sa coffee shop? Bakit ba ginusto ko na maglakad-lakad? I should’ve stayed put. Hindi sana ako napunta sa sitwasyon na ’to.

“Small world,” Gracey said, smiling. “Ikaw pala ’yung Cha na laging sinasabi—”

“Shut up,” Rhys said, glaring at Gracey. He looked at me. “We’re gonna have dinner… Gusto mong sumama?”

Hell no.

Bakit ako sasama sa dinner nilang pamilya?

“No, thanks,” I politely said. “Nasa coffee shop pa po iyong gamit ko,” sabi ko sa mga magulang niya na naka-tingin sa akin at naka-ngiti. Rhys was really polite with my Dad and I was never really rude to anyone… unless they were rude to me first. My rule is that I’m nice until you piss me off.

“Rhys, samahan mo siyang kunin iyong gamit,” his mom said. “Let us treat you to dinner, hija… As thank you dahil sinamahan mo si Rhys namin last week. Hindi kasi kami naka-punta agad because of work.”

I sighed.

I was left with no choice but to join them for dinner. Sumama sa akin si Rhys para kunin iyong iniwan ko na gamit sa coffee shop.

“Hey…” he said. “Ayaw mo ba talagang sumama? I can just make an excuse.”

“No. Okay lang.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” sagot ko habang inaayos iyong gamit ko. “Bakit mo pa sinabi sa kanila na sinamahan kita last week?”

I wasn’t looking at him and was just focused on putting my things in my bag. But even then, it’s like I could see Rhys’ smile. Palagi kasi siyang naka-ngiti talaga… but then so was Iñigo. I really couldn’t keep up with these frat guys. It’s like they’re living dual lives.

“They felt really guilty about not being with me last week, so I told them I had someone with me.”

“Did you mention na kaya lang ako nandun ay dahil ni-request mo?”

He laughed. “Chose not to mention that one.”

“My answer from before remains the same, if you must know. If you tell me you like me now, thank you pa rin ang makukuha mong sagot.”

He laughed again. “Your dad really likes me. Kung gusto mo rin ako, then things would be perfect.”

I shrugged, hugging my books close to my chest. “Too bad my dad doesn’t get to decide on who I’d date,” I said, smiling at him sarcastically.

The resto his parents chose was on the other side of the hotel. It was an awful long time to walk without talking to each other.

“How did you know Iñigo?” he asked.

“Our college is not that big, you know?”

“Right,” he said, smiling as if he was utterly entertained by my response. “Was just surprised that you know him.”

“Why?”

“Because the last time I heard, walang masyadong kaibigan si Iñigo sa college.”

I wanted to ask more, but at the same time, I felt like it would be an invasion of Iñigo’s privacy if I pried into his life… At kung may gusto man akong malaman, si Iñigo na lang mismo ang tatanungin ko.

“Here!” we heard someone say. Napa-tingin kami at nakita namin na naka-upo na sina Gracey sa gilid ng resto. They looked like they’re all having fun. Napa-tingin ako kay Rhys. Kung kapatid nga niya si Gracey, then it meant na ‘childhood friend’ din niya si Iñigo… pero bakit ganoon ang reaksyon ni Iñigo nang makita niya kahapon na galing ako sa kwarto ni Rhys?

The parents were a delight. They were nice and very grateful na kasama ko si Rhys last week. Napansin ko rin na mabait sila kay Iñigo, but there’s something I couldn’t exactly point out… There’s something weird about it… Something I knew I shouldn’t concern myself about because I had other priorities.

“How about you, Iñigo? When will you take the BAR?”

“Next, next year, Tito.”

“If you need anything, tell Gracey, okay?”

Iñigo just smiled and focused his attention on the untouched food on his plate. I did the same. The parents were nice, but I felt so out of place and I just wanted to leave… Nandito naman ang parents ni Rhys, so there’s no need for me to stay.

When the dinner, ended, I excused myself para pumunta sa CR. Nagsabi si Gracey na sasama siya sa ’kin.

“Small world talaga, no?” Gracey said. Naka-tayo siya sa harap ng salamin sa CR habang pumasok ako sa cubicle. “Ikaw pala ’yung Cha na nambasted kay Rhys.”

“Di ko siya binasted—”

“Yes, yes! He said he told you he liked you and you said thank you? That was hilarious! Ikaw pala ’yun! Now that I know it’s you, it makes total sense,” she said. I opened the door, my brow arched at her. “I mean, it makes sense na ikaw ’yung gumawa… Usually, Rhys is the one who does the thanking,” she said, shrugging. “But my twin’s standard is impossibly high. Ikaw lang nagustuhan nun.”

I think I should feel flattered, but I just felt bad. It must’ve taken lots of guts para sabihin sa akin ni Rhys iyon, pero salamat lang ang sinabi ko sa kanya. Kaysa naman paasahin ko siya sa wala. Magsasayang lang kami ng oras dalawa.

“So, you’re twins…” I said, diverting the topic.

“Yeah… I mean, magka-mukha naman yata kami,” Gracey said, smiling. “Mukhang bati na kayo ni Iñigo, ah?”

“For Iñigo’s ex, you’re too… close.”

She smiled. “Because before I became his ‘ex,’ I’m his best friend first,” she said. “I hope kung magiging kayo man, you won’t stop us from being friends… We’re just friends, Cha. I’d always look after him.”

I nodded, washing my hands. Gusto ko na sanang lumabas para maka-alis na ako pero mukhang balak pa ni Gracey na tumambay dito sa CR.

“You look like you have lots of questions. May gusto ka bang itanong?” she asked.

“I’d ask Iñigo myself if I’m that curious.”

She grinned. “No wonder you both got my ex and my twin wrapped around your fingers,” she said. “And I can’t even get a boyfriend. God, life’s unfair.”

I’d tell Gracey she’s mistaken, but from what I knew about her, she’s more like a lawyer than a doctor. Alam ko na ipipilit niya lang sa akin ang gusto niya kaya naman tumahimik na lang ako.

“Both are great guys, Cha,” she said, smiling. “But you’re a great girl, too, so it’s up to you. I love them both.”

Paglabas namin, nagpaalam lang ako sa kanila at lumabas na ako. Magbu-book na sana ako nang makita na naman ako nung lalaki na nagbilin na ako ang maghahatid ng LMT ni Rhys. I already told him na kasama ni Rhys iyong parents niya, pero ako pa rin daw assigned dun. For God’s sake, gusto kong matulog!

Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko at huminga nang malalim. I marched back to the coffee shop and just studied there until I was needed. Ipapa-reimburse ko na ’tong bill ko sa coffee shop. Libre naman ’to sa condo ko.

When time came, I went to the HQ to get the LMTs. Kumuha na rin ako ng kape ni Rhys just to be sure. Uwing-uwi na ko. ’Di na ako magpapakita dito sa last week. Mas importante iyong finals ko kaysa sa paghahatid ng LMT.

I knocked and waited for a few minutes bago bumukas ang pinto. Rhys was yawning.

“Here,” I said, handing him the coffee and LMTs.

He smiled. “Thanks, Cha,” he said. “You want donuts? Nagdala sila Mama kanina, e. ’Di ko nga alam kung bakit e hindi naman ako mahilig ’dun.”

“No, thanks,” I said.

“Wala na sila Mama—” he said, as if he knew that the reason why I didn’t want to go in his suite was because I didn’t want to get caught in a long conversation again.

“Uuwi na ko,” sagot ko.

“Fine,” he said. “Hintayin mo na lang ako dito.”

I stood there awkwardly and waited for his return. Every second that passed made me cautious about my surrounding. Baka mamaya nandito na naman si Iñigo… Floor pa naman nila ’to.

“Here,” he said, handing me a box of donuts. “Please? Ang dami talagang pagkain sa loob.”

I rolled my eyes. “Fine,” sabi ko.

Tumawa siya. “Thanks for helping me with my food problem.”

I just nodded. “Sige na. Basahin mo na ’yang LMT mo,” sabi ko sa kanya… Although I really didn’t get the appeal of LMT. Wala na akong balak magreview few hours from the exam itself. I would just relax my brain and not bother reading the last minute tips.

Nang bumalik na sa loob si Rhys, naglakad na ako papunta sa elevator. When it opened, I saw Iñigo. His eyes gave away how he was surprised to see me, but it was later replaced with his forehead creasing.

He got out of the elevator. I was supposed to get in… but all I did was watch the elevator door close.

“Do you need help?” I asked when I saw him holding a couple of paper bags from different restos.

“No, thanks,” he said in a clipped tone na para bang ayaw niya akong kausap.

“Fine,” I said, pressing the arrow button down repeatedly para malaman ni Iñigo na alis na alis na ako. I kept my eyes on the small screen as I watched the elevator number go up and up.

“I’m sorry,” he said in a low tone. “Pagod lang ako.”

I remained silent.

“I’d take the help if you’re still offering it.”

Hindi pa rin ako nagsalita.

“Sige na, Cha… Pagod na ako sa barops… Next month mo na lang ako sungitan,” he said. I looked at him with my forehead creased, but he was smiling at me—the old smile, hindi iyong douche smile niya.

The elevator door opened again. I looked at it and then at Iñigo.

“Ano ba’ng gagawin?” I asked, rolling my eyes as I got some of the paper bags from his grasp.

“Sort ’tong food tapos idedeliver mamayang 4:30 for breakfast,” he said as we walked. Sinundan ko lang siya hanggang sa huminto kami sa pinaka-dulo ng hallway. There’s a small room there na may couches at lamesa. Doon nilagay ni Iñigo iyong mga paper bag.

“Wala bang mas bata sa ’yo na pwedeng gumawa nito?” I asked. He’s already 3rd year… surely may freshman o sophomore silang member na pwedeng utusan nito.

Iñigo normally answers my question, but this one, he just blatantly ignored. Naglabas siya ng papel na may mga request. Kumunot ang noo ko.

“Ang dami naman nito for breakfast,” I noted. “Mauubos ba nila ’to?”

He shrugged. “Hindi,” sagot niya. “Pero malaki fund for barops.”

Nagsimula kaming magsort ng mga pagkain ng brods niya. I noticed that Rhys’ breakfast iyong pinaka-demanding. To think na maraming pagkain sa room niya…

“Kambal pala ni Gracey si Rhys…” I mentioned.

“Yeah,” simpleng sagot niya. “Pwede bang ’wag na nating pag-usapan?” diretsong tanong niya.

“Why?” I asked.

“It pisses me off.”

My lips parted at his answer.

Iñigo looked at me.

“It pisses me off because if he likes you, then I have to back down… And I don’t want to back down,” he said, looking straight into my eyes.

Chapter 26

#CTG26 Chapter 26

I’ve had a total of 4 people confessed to me that they like me… and all of them received the same response— thank you… but with Iñigo sitting beside me, indirectly telling me that he likes me, I couldn’t bring myself to thank him for his feelings and put an abrupt end to whatever it was…

Because I like him.

But I didn’t exactly want to be with him.

He’s everything I wasn’t… I just couldn’t see it working. And I didn’t like wasting my time… And I didn’t want to be distracted. Not when I was just months away from graduation and a year away from taking the most important exam of my life.

“Sorry,” he said. “Wag mo ng pansinin,” pagpapatuloy niya bago naglagay ulit ng mga pagkain sa paper bag.

I stared at him… and realized that I was distracting myself more by actively telling myself to avoid whatever this was. The more I tell myself na ’wag isipin si Iñigo, mas gumugulo lang ang isip ko. Curiosity’s killing this cat… and I needed satisfaction to bring it back to life.

“So what if Rhys likes me? It’s not like I like him,” I simply said while I continued to help him sort the breakfast food. The room was cold from the air from the AC. But I was starting to feel cold sweats forming in my skin.

I wonder what’s with Iñigo that’s throwing me off like this…

“Gusto mo talagang malaman?” he asked, looking at me now.

“Kung gusto mong ikwento,” sagot ko.

He grinned. “Nakaka-awa ’tong kwento ko… Baka lumambot ’yung yelo mong puso.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Do you have dual personality, Iñigo? Kanina lang galit ka.”

He laughed. “Sorry…” he said, then continued with the sorting of food. “There’s this Iñigo the frat boy and Iñigo the normal boy.”

“Weirdo.”

“I just do that so I can get along with the frat people.”

“Why?”

He shrugged. “Easier that way, Queen Elsa,” he said, smiling—the one that reminded me of sunshine and sunflowers.

“Why does it need to be easier?”

Instead of answering, he stood up. Pinanood ko kung ano ang ginagawa niya. Lumakad siya papunta sa pinto. He opened the door and looked if anyone’s outside. Tapos ni-lock niya iyong pinto.

“Mababait naman ’yung iba sa kanila… Pero ’yung iba… gago,” sabi niya. “Mas kailangan kong paki-samahan ’yung mga gago kasi malalakas trip nung mga ’yun.”

“Why can’t you just be the school’s scholar? Kung ayaw mo naman pala sa kanila.”

Hindi siya agad sumagot. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya… kaya naman nakita ko na naka-tingin siya sa ’kin. There was a teasing look on his face.

“Ikaw, ha… curious na curious ka na sa ’kin,” he said, grinning.

I rolled my eyes. “Shut up.”

“Nagugustuhan mo na ko, Cha?”

I didn’t answer. I just rolled my eyes again. It earned me a laugh from him. Siguro alam niya… but I just didn’t want to say it yet. Saka na. Kapag lawyer na ako.

Nakaka-pagod pala ’tong ginagawa namin… To think na kung wala ako dito, si Iñigo lang ang gagawa nito mag-isa. And it’s just the second week of BAR… Gagawin niya pa ’to for another two weeks… Tapos malapit na iyong finals.

Iñigo stretched his arms while yawning. Tumaas nang kaunti iyong damit niya… that toned stomach… Saan siya nakaka-kuha ng oras mag-exercise sa dami ng ginagawa niya?

“Cha, ikaw, ha… Bakit ka naka-tingin d’yan? Miss mo na hawakan?” tanong niya nang mahuli akong naka-tingin sa abs niya. Mabilis na kumunot ang noo ko.

I was about to tell him to shut up but he cupped my face with both his hands and leaned in and planted a kiss. It was just a quick kiss. But it made my eyes go wide and my heart jump in my chest.

“Inaantok na ko, e. Pampa-gising,” he said, grinning before going back to sorting the breakfast food.

Ilang minuto na tahimik ulit kami. I normally liked silence—loved it, even—but at this point, I didn’t want silence. I wanted to know more about Iñigo… and I wanted to ask him about him. It would be unfair to ask someone else about him when he’s right here by my side.

“Bakit ikaw gumagawa nito?” I asked.

“Duty.”

“You’re junior already. Dapat freshman gumagawa nito.”

“Ganon talaga.”

“Is it Rhys?”

Hindi siya sumagot. Pinag-iinitan ba siya ni Rhys? Bakit? Dahil sa ’kin? That’s crazy. Hindi naman ganoon na tao si Rhys… but then again, hindi ko siya ganoon kakilala.

“Why do you need to back off if he likes me?” I asked again. Iñigo didn’t answer. He just kept on sorting the food. I waited patiently because I knew that he’d tell me… otherwise, he wouldn’t even bother telling me in the first place that he didn’t want to back off.

After a while, he stood up. “Deliver ko lang ’to.”

I merely looked at him. I didn’t have time for this… yet here I was.

Tumayo na rin ako at kinuha iyong gamit ko. Ni hindi ko siya tinignan bago ako nagsimulang maglakad palabas. I should be sleeping right now… taking a rest from this tiring week… But I shouldn’t be pissed at him. It’s his story—it’s up to him if he’d tell me about it or not… Kagaya ng hindi ko pagsasabi sa kanya ng problema ko sa pamilya.

“Cha,” tawag niya sa pangalan ko bago pa ko pa man mabuksan iyong pinto. “Sa poolside. Hintayin mo ko ’dun?”

I looked at him.

He gave a soft smile.

“Iku-kwento ko sa ’yo,” sabi niya. “Iipon muna ako ng lakas ng loob habang nagdedeliver,” he continued. “Hintayin mo ko, ha?”

I pressed my lips together. What the hell.

“Okay,” I replied.

Nginitian niya ako bago kinuha iyong mga paper bag na may pangalan ng mga brods niya. For some reason, it pissed me off that he’s doing this alone… Sigurado ako na marami siyang brod na pwedeng tumulong sa kanya pero heto siya, mag-isang nag-aayos ng breakfast runs.

Nang maka-alis siya, lumabas na rin ako sa room. Thankfully, wala akong naka-salubong na tao sa hallway. It would just be weird na nanditong floor ako dahil alam naman na floor ’to ng frat. Hinanap ko iyong poolside na sinasabi ni Iñigo. The sky was still dark, but I could already feel the sunrise coming.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal na naka-tingin lang sa kawalan. It felt so relaxing—it was like a treat for my mind. Ilang linggo na diretso akong nag-aaral. Minsan, pakiramdam ko nalulunod na ako sa dami ng binabasa ko. Minsan, gusto kong tumigil… pero hindi pwede.

Konti na lang.

Lagi kong sinasabi sa sarili ko.

“Walang iced coffee,” Iñigo said when he sat down beside me. He was looking at the view in front of us, the stillness of the water in the pool. Kitang-kita ko kung paano niya hipan iyong kape. Naalala ko na naman kung bakit mainit na kape ang lagi niyang binibili.

I wanted to ask him if the reason why he needed to back off was because he owes Rhys’ family… but I thought that it’s better that it comes from him. It’s his story—makikinig lang ako.

“Nasabi ko na sa ’yo na patay na pareho parents ko, ’di ba?” tanong niya. I merely nodded, not knowing what to say… When my mom died, no amount of condolences made me feel better. No words would ever make me feel better. Silence was better.

I grabbed my cup of coffee and let the warmth of the cup warm my hands.

“Baka isipin mo nagpapaawa ako sa ’yo,” sabi niya na may maliit na ngiti na parang nagpapa-cute.

I rolled my eyes. “Just tell the damned story.”

Humalakhak siya. “Okay po,” sabi niya. Iñigo stretched his legs and sighed. “Nung magka-college na ako, dapat sabay kami ni Gracey, kaso nga walang natirang pera para sa college ko. Pero gusto ko talaga na sabay kami ni Gracey kasi naka-plano na ’yun, e… Humingi ako ng tulong sa tita ko para pag-aralin ako. Kasi ’di ba pamilya naman? At saka babayaran ko naman sila pagka-graduate ko.”

Huminto siya sandali.

Humugot ng malalim na hininga.

“Kaso after nung first year, narinig ko na nag-uusap sila. Na bakit daw ba kasi nagpakamatay si Papa tapos nag-iwan pa ng pabigat. Basta… ang dami nilang sinabi. Ayokong ulitin. Nababadtrip na naman ako,” sabi niya na may mahinang tawa pero peke. Ginamitan niya ng dalawang kamay iyong paghawak sa kape niya. “Syempre nagalit ako… Tatay ko ’yun, e… Nagka-sagutan kami ni Tita nun. Lumipat akong public school para makapag-aral pa rin ako. Nagsimula akong magtrabaho nun. Kahit ano pinapatulan ko basta lang ’wag akong hihingi ng pera sa kanila kasi… tangina, ’di ba? Pera lang? Kapatid niya Papa ko, e… Tapos nagagawa nilang sabihan ng ganon? Parang gago, ’di ba?”

Muli na naman siyang huminto.

Hindi ako tumingin sa kanya. Baka kasi ayaw niyang makita ko iyong mga mata niya. I felt his vulnerability inches away.

“Syempre naging busy ako. Si Gracey ang kulit. Punta nang punta sa apartment ko kahit sinabi kong ’wag kasi medyo delikado. Tapos… ayun.”

Huminto siya.

Ilang segundo iyong lumipas na walang salitang narinig.

“Okay lang kung hindi mo itutuloy,” sabi ko sa kanya.

Tumingin siya sa ’kin. “Gusto mo ba si Rhys, Cha?” tanong niya. “Mabait naman ’yun… Gago lang sa ’kin pero may dahilan naman kasi.”

“Di mo ba ako narinig kanina nung sinabi ko na wala akong gusto sa kanya?” sagot ko.

He gave me a half-smile. “Narinig. Gusto ko lang siguraduhin.”

“Good. Kasi wala na akong balak ulitin.”

Natawa siya. “Sungit na naman.”

“Inaantok na kasi ako.”

He smiled again. “Ako rin. Tulog tayo?”

Kumunot agad ang noo ko. “Ano ba sa tingin mo tayong dalawa? Hinahalikan mo ko… tapos ngayon inaaya mo akong matulog?”

Tumawa na naman siya. “Ano ba gusto mo?”

Hindi ako sumagot. Hindi ko rin alam kung ano ang isasagot ko kasi alam ko sa sarili ko na wala akong balak magboyfriend hanggang hindi pa ako lawyer. I knew that being in a relationship is hard work and I needed all my energy focused on one thing only.

“Bakit galit sa ’yo si Rhys?” I asked instead.

“Kasi…” sabi niya habang binaling iyong tingin sa langit. Papa-taas na iyong araw. Ilang beses ko na ring naka-sama si Iñigo na manood ng pagsikat ng araw. It’s weird… I didn’t even know what we were… We’re not really friends… but definitely not more than friends… just in between… and would remain in between until we’re ready to put a label on whatever this was.

“Pasaway ’yun si Gracey…” sabi niya na may maliit na ngiti. “Siya kasi iyong binilinan ni Papa bago siya… Basta… Kaya pakiramdam niya responsibilidad niya ako,” Iñigo continued. “Nung college, pinupuntahan ako lagi sa apartment kahit delikado… Nagdadala ng pagkain sa ’kin, nilalaban damit ko, nililinis apartment. Tapos… napagtripan ng mga tambay.”

Nagsimula kong marinig iyong tibok ng puso ko.

Posible pala ’yun.

“Kaya galit sa ’kin si Rhys kasi muntik ng mamatay si Gracey kasi ang gago ko,” mahinang sabi niya. “Ilang beses na nila kong sinabihan dati na sa bahay na lang nila dahil magkakilala namin pamilya namin dati pa… pero pride, e…”

Tumayo si Iñigo.

He seemed so uncomfortable telling me this.

“Wag mo ng sabihin kung hindi ka kumportable,” sabi ko.

“Okay lang… para may alam ka naman sa ’kin,” sagot niya. “Pero ’di ko ’to kinu-kwento para maawa ka, Cha. Gusto ko lang na alam mo kung bakit ganito kaming tatlo ni Rhys at Gracey. Komplikado kasi. Siguro pansin mo na parang galit sa ’kin parents nila pero walang magawa… Si Gracey kasi pinilit na wala akong kasalanan kahit halos mamatay na siya nun dahil sa ’kin. Minsan iniisip ko sira-ulo talaga ’yung babaeng ’yun, e,” sabi niya na may mahinang tawa.

I looked at him. The smile on his face when he mentioned her name. His face lightened up.

History… that’s what they have.

“Kaya ako nasa frat kasi sinali ako ng tatay ni Rhys dahil ayokong tumanggap ng pera galing sa kanila. Ultimo trabaho ko, siya nagbigay. Kailangan ko kasi ’yung scholarship. Kulang ’yung sweldo ko sa trabaho. Kapag wala ’yun, mag-aalala si Gracey… makulit talaga ’yun. Kaya kahit hindi kami magka-sundo ni Rhys, napilitan akong sumali para hindi na mag-alala si Gracey.”

They… go way back.

They’re not just friends.

“I feel so indebted to their family,” he said. “Pakiramdam ko gagawin ko lahat ng sabihin nila sa ’kin…” pagpapatuloy niya. “Pero—”

Tumayo ako.

“Umaga na,” sabi ko habang naka-tingin langit. “Uuwi na ko.”

This… this was the complication I didn’t need in my life.

Chapter 27

#CTG27 

Chapter 27

Today was Christmas… and I wasn’t with my family.

Panay ang buntong-hininga ko. As much as I kept on telling myself that it’s okay that I was alone on a Christmas day, I couldn’t help but feel bad. Why didn’t my dad call me? It’s Christmas… I knew he’s mad at me, but he really could go through this holiday without even asking me if I was okay?

Ganoon siya katigas?

I kept on staring at my phone, debating if I should give in and call first… It’s Christmas, after all. It’s about family and I wanted to be with family. And I just felt sad… so sad that I was alone during Christmas. Kasi kahit tahimik lang sa bahay tuwing Pasko, at least I knew that I wasn’t alone.

But that’s not the case now.

I was alone.

Because I kept on pushing people away from me.

Deciding against calling my Dad, I stood up and grabbed my jacket and wallet. I didn’t know where I’d go, but I knew that I couldn’t be alone in my condo. I didn’t want to be sad the whole day. I needed to see other people.

It was probably a stupid decision, but I went to the mall and watched some Christmas movie. I felt some people staring at me because indeed, I stuck out like a sore thumb. They’re all with their families habang ako, kayakap iyong bucket of popcorn. I just ignored them and went inside and tried my best to enjoy the movie. And then I got another haircut because I was feeling sad. My hair always got the brunt of my emotions. Malapit na akong makalbo sa sobrang pagpapa-gupit.

It was almost dinner time when I decided to go home. I tried to look for a resto to eat at, but all the places were full with families celebrating Christmas. I was sad for myself, but I was happy for them. Good for them for having a close family relation—God knows that’s all I ever wanted.

Bumili lang ako sa convenience store ng pagkain. I’d just probably watch some movie in Netflix and then go to sleep… And then review again tomorrow para handa na ako kapag nagsimula iyong second semester. I couldn’t wait for this break to be over. I couldn’t wait until I was busy again, so I wouldn’t have time to ponder and be sad.

Pagdating ko sa lobby, I was about to tap my card when I heard someone calling my name. Agad akong napa-talikod para tignan kung sino iyon. My forehead creased when I saw Rhys waving at me.

“What… are you doing here?” I asked, a little confuse because I was pretty sure he didn’t live here. Gracey shared too much information that I didn’t ask for kaya naman alam ko na nasa ibang building naka-tira si Rhys.

He smiled. “Merry Christmas, Charisse.”

I smiled, feeling a bit thankful that at least someone greeted me today… At least, personally. My brothers greeted me. My friends greeted me. But nothing could beat hearing those words in person.

I may show that I didn’t care, but deep inside, somehow… I care. A lot. And I hated it.

“Thank you,” I sincerely replied. “But still, what are you doing here?”

He shifted his weight from one foot to another. “Well…” he said, dragging. “We had dinner in your house and Chase mentioned that you haven’t been there for months.”

“So?”

“And it’s Christmas.”

Mas lalong kumunot ang noo ko. I appreciated that he’s here, but really, why was he here? I hated people meddling with my family’s business. I’d never do that to other people. You could probably meddle with other parts of my life, but not with my family. I really didn’t like sharing that details of my life… since it’s really messy.

“My family’s hosting Christmas dinner,” sabi niya. “You’re invited.”

“Rhys—”

“Come on, Charisse. It’s Christmas,” he insisted. “Consider this my thanks since I know it was rude of me to request for you during barops.”

“Buti alam mo.”

Tumawa siya. “It’s just that seeing your face relaxes me,” sabi niya. I chose not to comment on that one. The sooner he’d realize that I really wasn’t kidding when there’s no chance for us, the better. I like Rhys as a friend, nothing more.

“So… what do you say? Just dinner at home,” he continued. “It’s Christmas.”

Hindi pa rin ako nagsalita.

“If not for your Dad…” he trailed, looking at me. “Gracie’s asking for you.”

Agad na kumunot ang noo ko. Gracie’s asking for me? If then… sigurado ako na nandun si Iñigo. He was the one who told me himself that he’s impossibly indebted to Gracie’s family. That’s the reason why I didn’t reply to any of his texts this whole of December. I just couldn’t deal with whatever it was. It was obvious that he got lots of problems he needed to address first. We’re both problematic and it would just end up blowing up in our faces if we force it.

“It’s just dinner,” he said. “An hour tops.”

I chewed on my lower lip. And then I looked at the paper bag I was holding—inside it was a sad cup noodles and a bag of chips.

God, this was sad.

“Fine,” I said, giving in because what the heck, it’s Christmas.

---

I didn’t really know what the heck got into me that I let Rhys talk me into having dinner at his house. But deep inside, I knew the reason why. I was craving company. There’s just something extremely somber about being alone during the holidays.

“Can we drop by the mall?” I asked.

“Why?”

“I’ll get something for your parents.”

He looked at me and smiled. “Don’t bother. It’s fine.”

Even without Dad here, it’s as if I could see his disapproving looks kapag pumunta ako kina Rhys ng walang dala na kahit ano. Ano rin ba kasi ang pumasok sa isip nila Dad para pumayag na magdinner doon? It’s uncharacteristic of him.

“Kahit sa flower shop na lang. May madadaanan naman siguro tayo,” I insisted. He finally got that I was serious, so he nodded.

Rhys struck out conversation, but I was really in no mood to talk to him. I just felt like I’d be leading him on if I exchange in conversation with him. I didn’t know what else I could do. I’d been really direct with him when I said that I didn’t like him before and I still didn’t like him now. I didn’t know what I could do more.

Pagdating namin sa bahay nila, agad na lumakas ang kabog ng dibdib ko nang makita ko ang pamilyar na sasakyan ni Dad. Rhys looked at me, smiling, but for some known reason, his smiles didn’t pacify me.

“It’s just dinner,” he said.

“I know,” sagot ko. “You go ahead.”

“You sure?” he asked and I nodded.

Reluctantly, he left me inside his car. I rested my head against the headrest and closed my eyes. It’s been too long since I last saw my Dad. I didn’t know how to greet him. He didn’t even have the initiative to ask me how I was. Ever since the night I walked out, he didn’t try to contact me or anything.

Maybe I was a sucker because I kept on telling myself that maybe he was keeping tabs on me through my brothers… but who was I kidding? Even when my brothers left our house, I was pretty sure he never once mentioned them. It’s like once they graduated, he’s done with his responsibility.

Ganoon din ba ako sa kanya? Responsibilidad? Na ngayon na umalis na ako, he’s just done with me?

I stayed in the car for a while before I decided to get out. Dahil ngayon lang ako naka-punta dito, I didn’t know where I’d go. I just began to walk and hope that I’d stumble upon the dining room.

“Ouch!” I heard a familiar voice. “The hell, Gracey!”

“Sorry!”

“Seriously! How the hell did you become a doctor?! Ang sakit!”

“Sorry! Sabi naman sa ’yo sa school na ako magpa-practice, e.”

I knew I should step back and leave them alone… but curiosity got the best of me again. I took a step closer and saw what the fuss was about. They were in the living room… and it seemed like Gracey was practicing on Iñigo’s arm… There were syringe and other med things I wasn’t familiar with.

“Kawawa mga pasyente mo. Ang bigat ng kamay mo.”

“Ang sama ng ugali?! Tusukin kita d’yan, e!”

I bit my lower lip. Why was this pissing me off so much? I chose to step back because this was exactly what I was avoiding. There’s something about them… As much as they both tell me that there’s nothing, I just couldn’t stop myself from believing that there’s something more.

My eyes didn’t lie to me.

They’re more than just best friends.

And I refuse to get in the middle of that.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I decided to make my presence known. I smiled as Gracey stood up and hugged me. I averted my gaze from Iñigo’s stares. I just needed to get through this damned holiday and be back to normal again.

“You’re here!” Gracey exclaimed. “I really didn’t believe Rhys when he said that he’ll get you to come here. That ass could be persistent when he wants to, no?” she commented. I stayed silent. Kung alam niya lang kung gaano kakulit iyong kambal niya.

“Merry Christmas pala,” Gracey greeted. “Dito muna kayo, okay? I’ll just check sa dining room if ready na.” Sobrang bilis niya sinabi iyon and before I could even utter a word, she sprinted away already. I almost covered my face. She was so obvious. Gusto niya kaming iwan ni Iñigo dito.

I stood there awkwardly.

I stared at the floor.

I thought he’d talk to me… or at the very least greet me Merry Christmas. But then I began to hear his footsteps. I looked at him. And even before I could stop myself, I uttered the words, “Merry Christmas.”

Huminto siya sa paglalakad.

Tumingin siya sa akin.

“Ano’ng ginagawa mo?”

“Greeting you.”

He pressed his lips together. His jaw clenched like I did something extremely horrible to offend him. All I did was greet him.

I could see the rising and falling of his chest. Muli niyang ipinikit ang mga mata niya, and when he opened his eyes, it was like… whatever he was controlling was gone.

He smiled at me. “Merry Christmas.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Ano’ng problema mo?”

He shrugged. “Nothing,” he said before he began to walk away from me. I stared there, watching at his retreating back. I knew I should stop and just let him get away from me… That’s what I wanted. That’s the reason why I ignored him for the better part of the month.

But it felt like my feet have mind of their own. I just found myself walking after him.

“Seriously?” I asked while he was walking in front of me. I didn’t even know where we’re heading at. I just knew that I needed to follow him. I hated that I was doing this because this was exactly what I knew I shouldn’t do.

Iñigo stopped in front of a door.

“Magccr ako. Susunod ka rin?” he arrogantly asked me.

I pursed my lips. “Why are you being an asshole again?”

His lips parted. “I’m being an asshole?” he asked like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing from me. “You ignored me for a whole month, in case you forgot about that!”

Hindi ako makapagsalita.

It was true.

I ignored him… but only because I was trying to protect myself.

But maybe by trying to protect myself, I ended up just hurting myself even more…

“So?” I replied, holding my head up high. “May responsibilidad ba akong kausapin ka?”

Nakita ko iyong pagkuyom ng kamao niya.

“You know what, Cha? I used to think that you’re just this… misunderstood girl. That under all that layer, you’re someone good,” he said, looking straight into my eyes. “But I guess I was wrong. Maybe you’re just an asshole.”

It felt like a punch in the gut.

Hearing the person you like call you an asshole.

When all I ever really did was protect myself from him.

“I told you my story. I bared my soul to you. And you walked out on me,” he said, his jaw clenching in unmistakable anger. “That shit hurt.”

Chapter 28

#CTG28 

Chapter 28

“Congrats, Cha,” Chester said, handing me the bouquet of flowers. All of my brothers were here… I wanted to ask them where Dad was, but I chose not to. It’s my graduation day and I didn’t want to ruin it by asking about him. Kayang-kaya niya talaga akong tiisin.

“San mo gustong kumain?” Chester asked.

“Wala akong pera…” I honestly replied. Kaka-bayad ko pa lang sa review center and I really wanted to stay in a hotel sa BAR weekend. Mas maganda kasi kung doon para mas mabilis makarating sa akin iyong mga last minute tip.

Ahia chimed in. “My treat.”

I grinned. Manlilibre si Ahia, that’s new! “Okay!”

It’s my graduation. Ayokong malungkot. Today’s a happy day. After 4 grueling years, naka-tapos din ako sa pag-aaral. At some point, I almost gave up, but I persisted… And thankfully, I reached the finish line… At least here in school. Alam ko naman na hindi dito natatapos. I still needed to pass the exam and to be a damn good lawyer… But today’s worthy of celebration.

Nagpaalam ako sa mga kapatid ko na magpapaalam lang ako sa mga kaibigan ko. I immediately saw Jax with his family. Jax was frowning because his mom’s forcing them to take pictures. Napa-ngiti na lang ako. If only Katherine’s here, I could definitely say that Jax’s life is already complete…

“Hi, Tito, Tita,” I greeted. As usual, Joey was frowning at me. I learned to just ignore that. Jax’s parents congratulated me. They asked me kung may kasama ako ngayon and even offered na sumama ako sa dinner nila, much to Joey’s dismay. I just declined dahil kasama ko naman iyong mga kapatid ko ngayon. I was really happy that they went. Alam ko naman na busy sila lalo na si Chester at Ahia.

“Nakita ko si Katherine sa labas,” I told Jax.

He simply nodded, abruptly ending any further discussion. If there’s one thing I know about Jax, he’s extremely hardheaded. You can’t make him do something that he doesn’t want… At kung ayaw niyang kausapin si Katherine, wala akong magagawa doon. Hell, sarili nga niyang kapatid hindi niya masyadong kinakausap, e. Ako pa kaya?

“Nakita mo si Rory?” I asked.

He shook his head. “No,” he replied.

I pursed my lips. It’s another reason why I couldn’t be completely happy about this graduation. Yago and Rory broke up. Yago went to Seattle and didn’t even bother to attend our graduation. Si Rory… I couldn’t even begin to describe how she was. I couldn’t help but feel pity every time I’d see her. She’s a complete wreck.

I didn’t want to be like her.

She looked so helpless… all because of one person.

One person who had the power to destroy you simply by just walking away.

“I’ll just be having dinner with my brothers and then I’ll go to Rory’s condo,” I said.

Jax nodded. “Okay. Diretso din ako dun pagkatapos namin. Ako na lang bibili ng pagkain.”

“Good. Wala na akong pera,” I said and he just rolled his eyes at me. Mabilis akong bumalik sa mga kapatid ko. We went to dinner and Ahia really paid… which was so weird dahil kuripot talaga siya. I guess he’s really happy about my graduation that he decided to treat us.

I really wanted to spend more time with my brothers dahil bihira ko lang silang makita… but I also knew that Rory needed us the most right now… Kaya naman nagpaalam din agad ako sa kanila at dumiretso sa condo ni Rory. And thank God I did that because if I arrived even just a few minutes later, she could’ve drowned in her own vomit.

---

There were lots of review center in Manila… but the one that I wanted costed more money… Mas mataas kasi ang passing rate nila kumpara sa ibang review center. Of course I wanted to go there. That’s the ultimate goal—to pass the BAR and finally become a lawyer.

But living for a year on my own, paying for all my things, it eventually drained my savings.

“Surprised you accepted my offer,” Atty. Cabo said when I arrived at his office. I tried applying for other jobs, but there were no vacancies and I really needed the money immediately. Naibayad ko na iyong huling pera ko sa review center at baka paalisin na ako sa condo ko kapag hindi ako naka-bayad ngayong buwan.

I really didn’t want to go here… I didn’t want to see Iñigo’s face. He called me a fucking asshole just because I wanted to protect myself. I understood him, really, but he didn’t extend the same understanding to me. I guess we’re really better off on our own separate ways.

“Start na ba ng review mo?” he asked.

I nodded. “Every weekends,” I replied. “But October, I’ll take a leave dahil araw-araw na ’yung review ko.”

“Of course,” he said, nodding. He began to brief me about the things I needed to do. I just needed to assist him with his pending cases, reread the contracts, and write drafts. I’d honestly rather focus all my energy on reviewing, but I needed the money. I didn’t want to ask for my brothers for help. Hindi rin naman kasi sila humingi sa akin nung sila iyong umalis sa bahay… but they all landed on their feet. I guess I’d be fine. I just needed to push through.

Buong araw kong hindi nakita si Iñigo. Hindi ko matanong kung dito pa ba siya… Hindi naman porke wala siya dito ay hindi na siya nagtatrabaho. Baka umalis lang siya kagaya nung dati.

I thought I’d be able to survive the week without any hitches, but come Friday, as I was getting ready to leave, napa-hinto ako nang makita ko si Gracey.

“Cha!” she shouted as she saw me. Agad na kumunot ang noo ko. Shit… Ibig sabihin dito din si Iñigo. “You’re working here din?”

I simply nodded. I fought a yawn. Inaantok na ako. I wanted to go home and sleep. Maaga pa iyong pasok ko bukas para sa review. I needed to be there early para maka-kuha ng magandang pwesto. Ang mahal ng bayad ko doon kaya hindi dapat masayang.

“Weird… Wala man lang nagsabi sa ’kin…” she uttered to herself, but loud enough for me to hear. Then, she smiled at me. She’s really… something. If Iñigo didn’t tell me what happened to Gracey before, I’d think that she’s been happy all her life. “Nakita mo ba si Rhys?”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “He’s here?”

She nodded. “Yeah! One month na siya dito. ’Di ba kayo nagkita?”

The hell… Nandito si Rhys. Nandito si Iñigo. Nandito ako.

It’s only a matter of time bago kami magkitang tatlo. Hindi naman ako pwedeng umalis basta-basta dahil tinanggap nga ako dito kahit sobrang biglaan lang ako nag-apply. I value work ethic. And besides, wala akong matinong reason kung sasabihin ko man na aalis ako. I just have to suck this up… Ilang buwan lang naman.

Si Rhys lang naman ang kailangan kong iwasan. Sigurado ako na hindi ako papansinin ni Iñigo. He’s still mad at me—or whatever. Wala akong panahong isipin iyon.

“Wala ba siya?”

“Not sure,” I replied. “Tanong mo na lang sa front desk.”

I gave her a small nod and started to walk, but Gracey held my arm. She gave me a big smile and anchored her arm with mine.

“Oh, well, busy na naman yata. Ikaw na lang, samahan mo ako magdinner? My treat!” she said. I was about to say that I already so sleepy, but she continued with, “Sige na? I feel so down today… I could use some company…”

I looked at her and ask if maybe she needed to find Iñigo dahil siya naman ang best friend nito, but I decided to not say that. As much as I didn’t like their friendship, I like Gracey. She’s so nice. It’s gonna be a lot of work to make me hate her.

Gracey dragged me to a samgyupsal place. Gusto ko sana na ako na lang iyong magluto para may ginagawa naman ako, but she insisted that I sit there while she cooks. She looked so serious and so sad. I wanted to ask, but figured I should keep my distance. She’s Iñigo’s best friend and it’s just weird.

“Sorry ang boring kong kasama,” she said.

“No, I like silence,” I replied.

“Sabi nga ni Iñigo,” she said, peeking at my reaction. “Di pa rin kayo nag-uusap?” I looked at her, arched my brow. She smiled. “Sorry… Narinig ko kasi ’yung pag-uusap niyo sa bahay nung December… I didn’t mean to, pero nandun kasi ako sa gilid kaya narinig ko…”

Gracey put some of the cooked meat on my plate. She smiled at me.

“Wanna talk about it?” she asked.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Just don’t feel like it.”

“Pero—”

“Bakit ’di na lang problema mo pag-usapan natin?”

She sighed first. “Okay,” she replied. “You wanna know why I’m sad? Kasi may patient ako… Alam ko naman na ano… Na hindi na talaga siya magtatagal… But still, it hurt when I saw her lying there lifeless… It hurt to hear her mom beg us to revive her only daughter… It sucked because I couldn’t do anything… She’s still so young, still had so much she could do… Pero wala… She’s taken way too early…”

I pursed my lips, unable to come with any reply.

She looked at me.

“Pangatlo na ’tong beses na nangyari sa ’kin, but it still hurts… Sabi nila, one day, I’d be immune to the pain of losing a patient, but then again, ayokong mangyari ’yun… Kasi ’di ba nakakatakot? That your numb… Maybe not just from the pain, but from everything else… It’s just so scary…”

And then she smiled.

“In retrospect, life’s short, Cha. Kaya why don’t you talk to Iñigo? He’s just waiting for you to talk to him, you know?”

“You heard what he said, right?”

She nodded. “Yeah… I understand you both—”

“Gracey, it’s obvious that you still like him. Bakit mo ba siya tinutulak sa ’kin?”

Agad na kumunot ang noo niya. “Ha? Wala akong gusto sa kanya!”

“Yeah, right,” I said, snatching the tongs from her grasp.

“For real!” she said. “Cha, we’re just best friends—”

“Sure.”

She looked at me, her face slowly turning into a frown. Agad siyang tumayo at saka niyakap ako. She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me. Pilit akong kumawala, pero ayaw niyang bumitiw.

“You’re making me extra sad!” she said.

“Bitawan mo nga ako!”

God! Nag-e-eskandalo pa kami dito! Ang daming naka-tingin sa aming dalawa dahil sa ginawa ni Gracey. She hugged me tight for one more time before she returned to her seat.

“Cha, we’re seriously just best friends. It makes me sad that you think there’s something going on between us… It makes me sad that you don’t have a best friend who’d do what I do for Iñigo…”

She smiled sadly.

“That’s called being best friends, Cha… I swear there’s nothing more to it… It’s just that we grew up together so we’re very close. I’d take a bullet for him and he’d do the same for me. But there’s no romantic feeling—”

“You dated.”

“Yes. But there’s this thing called moving on,” she replied. “I just care about him a lot because his dad made me promise that I’d look after him. And I take promises seriously.”

Hindi na ako sumagot pa. What’s the point?

“Ako na lang magsosorry para sa sinabi niya…” Gracey said. “Mahirap kasi talaga sa tao na ’yun mag-open up kaya ganon na nasaktan sa ginawa mo… And alam mo naman na he likes you.”

I arched my brow. “I don’t think so.”

“Oh, come on! Obvious naman na gusto niyo iyong isa’t-isa. Kung hindi nga lang illegal, I’ll kidnap you both and lock you in a room so that you two can talk about your issues! Sayang time, you know? I realized that again this morning… That life’s so short. Seize the day. Live without regrets.”

I stuffed my mouth with food. Gracey’s paying. Sayang din.

“This is… seriously violating Iñigo’s privacy, but I think you need to know this para alam mo naman kung san nanggagaling ’yung lalaki na ’yun,” Gracey said.

“No, thanks,” I said. “Wala namang kwenta. After I pass the BAR, I’ll go look for work someplace else. ’Di na kami magkikita.”

She scoffed. “You wish. Your world is small. Magkikita kayo ni Iñigo, I promise you that.”

Gracey put another batch of meat on my plate and requested for a new platter. Hindi naman siya kumakain. Lagay lang siya nang lagay ng pagkain sa plato ko.

“You heard about the news na gumagamit ng kodigo si Iñigo, right?”

I nodded. Still hated that part of him.

“Well, because of that, wala siyang masyadong friends sa class nila… Ever wonder why he’s only dating girls from my college before? Kasi mandaraya tingin sa kanya ng buong batch niya. There’s this one subject na outlier si Iñigo kaya maraming natanggal sa batch nila nung nagcurve. It’s not his fault kung mataas iyong grades niya. Dapat ba ’wag niyang galingan para sa iba?”

I averted my gaze.

I was one of those who judged him.

“So… It really surprised me when he told me about you… Kasi from College of Law ka, e. Iñigo told me he didn’t want to get involved sa mga ka-college niya dahil nga sa kumakalat na balita… But then, that changed when he met you… He opened up tapos…” she smiled.

I remained silent. I still didn’t know what she wanted from me. This thing with Iñigo… it couldn’t be forced. It would happen when it should happen. Ayokong masyadong isipin.

“Pero hindi kita sinisisi, ha? Wala namang may fault sa inyo… Miscommunication lang—or lack thereof… But I really wish na maayos niyo kasi ang igsi ng buhay… We should always take the chance to be happy.”

I looked at her. She was smiling. Why was it so easy for other people to be happy while I always have to think about every aspect, every possibility?

Why couldn’t I just have that ‘fuck it’ attitude and go for what I want?

“Okay,” I said.

“Okay what?”

“I will… talk to him.”

“Talaga?”

“Yeah… Kung makikita ko siya,” I said… which would be for a while… I just heard kanina na may ginagawa si Iñigo kasama si Atty. Buenasher. He wouldn’t be around for a while.

She grinned. “Sure ka ba d’yan?”

“Why?” I asked, suddenly doubting what I said because of the way Gracey was grinning. Bigla siyang tumuro sa likod ko. Agad na nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang makita ko si Iñigo na patingin-tingin na parang may hinahanap.

“He was asking where I am!” Gracey said defensively. “In my defense, sinabi ko sa kanya na nandito ako even before you voluntarily said na kakausapin mo siya once na makita mo siya!”

I looked at Gracey… This devious girl. Mali talaga siya ng profession na napuntahan. She should be a lawyer. She’s so manipulative.

“Iñigo! Here!” Gracey called his attention and then stood up. “CR lang ako,” she said and hurriedly walked away. She’s doing it again!

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko. It’s as if I could feel his presence even if he was just standing behind me. Iñigo took a seat in front of me. I averted my gaze when I noticed that he was wearing a formal attire. Hawak niya iyong coat sa kamay niya. He loosened his tie using his one hand. He looked like he just came from a hearing… O baka doon talaga siya galing. He’s in his 4th year now… Baka galing siya sa legal aid.

“Hindi ko alam na nandito ka,” he said, just staring at me.

“I’m sorry,” I quickly said bago pa man magbago ang isip ko. “You’re right. It was an asshole move.”

“Buti alam mo.”

“Just fucking take my apology, okay?”

He reached for the untouched glass of water and drank it. I watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. Why was it so hard to be attracted and to be time pissed off at the same person?

“Sorry, okay?”

“Sure.”

“Stop being an asshole.”

“I’m not being an asshole, Cha. I accept your apology. It’s okay. I just… don’t expect anything from you anymore. I can’t do whatever you’re doing. Let’s just be friends—or colleagues. I don’t care. I just can’t do complicated with you. Busy na din ako.”

My lips parted. “Are you being serious?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I have my review class and work. I’m busy, too.”

For fuck’s sake.

I faked a smile. “Good.”

He smiled, too. “Good.”

Chapter 29

#CTG29 

Chapter 29

“My head’s fucking spinning,” Lui said, fishing a pack of cigarette from his pocket. “You want?” tanong niya sa akin.

I shook my head. “No, thanks. Kailan ka pa nanigarilyo?” I asked, just curious because as far as I was concerned, hindi naman naninigarilyo si Lui. Both his parents were doctors so he’s kinda health conscious plus the fact that his undergrad’s nursing. Ni hindi nga umiinom ’yan kasama ng mga classmates namin dati.

“Last year lang nung review class. ’Di ko kinaya ’yung bilis ng phasing,” he said, lighting his stick. “Ayaw mo talaga?” he asked again. “Nakaka-stress, e.”

Hindi ako sumagot. I was so stressed, too, but I promised I’d never try cigarette… Well, there was this one time before with Iñigo, but that’s all in the past. I couldn’t afford to get sick now.

Maya-maya, may tumabi sa amin na iba naming kasama sa review class. I just stood there silently as I listened to the stories they talked about. Hindi kasi papasok si Jax ngayon dahil may kailangan siyang puntahan. Si Rory naman, kahit na nag-enroll din siya, hindi rin naman siya pumapasok sa review class. I was worried for her… but there’s nothing I could do but wait until she’d get better. For me, well, I was stuck with these people.

“Alis muna kami, Cha,” Lui said. I nodded at them. Okay lang naman sa akin na mag-isa. I needed silence to think. Sumasakit na rin ang ulo ko sa dami ng ginagawa ko. At times, I felt like I was suffocating. Pakiramdam ko ay hindi na ako maka-hinga sa dami ng ginagawa ko. Kung hindi ako nasa review center, nasa trabaho naman ako. I felt like I needed to rest… to relax… but I didn’t know how to do that. I didn’t know how to stop. Makaka-hinto lang ako kapag may Atty na naka-dikit sa simula ng pangalan ko.

A few minutes later, bumalik na iyong reviewer namin. I returned to my seat and began recording the whole session. Pakiramdam ko kasi ay wala na akong maintindihan kaya naman papakinggan ko na lang ulit kapag nagkaroon ako ng time.

In the middle of the discussion, I stood up to pee and walk around. I needed coffee, too. Kanina pa ako nagpipigil humikab dahil sa sobrang antok. Anong oras na rin ako naka-tulog kagabi dahil sa dami ng binasa kong contracts dahil for signing na ’yun lahat.

“Bilisan mo naman, Lui!”

My forehead creased. I looked around to see where the familiar voice came from. The hallways were empty. Tinapik ko na lang ang mukha ko. I must be hearing things now dahil sa sobrang pagod.

“Oh fuck… Shit, Jan…”

My eyes widened.

Did—

What?!

I felt my whole body froze upon the realization. That’s Lui’s voice! And did he just call Jan’s name? Were they… fucking? Since when? Ni hindi nga nag-uusap iyong dalawa na ’yun sa room.

Mabilis akong naglakad palayo. That’s their business… but shit. ’Di ba may girlfriend si Lui na doctor? And Jan just broke up with her long term boyfriend.

Pakielam ko ba.

Binilisan ko iyong kailangan kong gawin. I needed not meddle with their business. Matatanda na kami. Alam na nila iyong tama sa mali. If they’re cheating on their partners, they’re old enough to know that there’d be repercussions.

“Shit!” biglang sabi ko nang magkasalubong kami ni Lui nang papalabas ako ng CR at papalabas din siya ng CR. He was looking at me with his forehead creased.

“You okay?” he asked.

I nodded and started walking. I really shouldn’t meddle with whatever he’s doing. Matanda na ’yan. Alam niya na kung ano ang ginagawa niya. Sana lang magtanda siya. Did he forget about the case we read kung saan na-disbar iyong lawyer dahil nakipagrelasyon sa may asawa? Sa hirap ng pinagdadaanan namin para lang maging abogado, sana lang ayusin niya.

“You’re acting weird,” he said. Naka-sabay na siya sa ’kin ngayong maglakad. Nasa dulo pa ng hallway iyong review room namin.

“Pagod lang,” sagot ko.

“You know, you should find a way to de-stress, Cha. Delikado ’yang ginagawa mo.”

“Ano ba’ng ginagawa ko?”

He shrugged. “You work and review… Literally. ’Yan lang ang ginagawa mo. Baka magsnap ’yang utak mo,” he said, even making sound of exploding. “Ikaw din.”

I shrugged. “I’ll be fine.”

“Bahala ka…” he said.

---

Despite everyone’s unsolicited advice of me getting a life, I managed just fine. Mabilis na lumipas ang mga linggo dahil busy naman ako palagi. At one point, it felt like I was just waking up to wait to fall asleep. Para akong robot na pumapasok sa trabaho at nag-aaral pag-uwi.

God, I couldn’t wait to become a lawyer. I was so tired already with this set-up.

“Ms. Viste,” Atty. Cabo called. “It’s already October next week.”

Agad na kumunot ang noo ko. May deadline ba? But I was pretty sure that I finished all of my projects… ahead pa nga ako dahil ayokong inaabutan ng deadline. Ayoko ng biglaan dahil baka may maka-limutan ako. Life and property of other people were at stake—I couldn’t slack off.

“You said you’d take a break to focus on reviewing,” he continued.

My lips parted. Shit. Iyon pala.

“Ah, yes…” I replied. “I completely forgot, Sir.”

He laughed. “It’s fine. Kindly brief Mr. Borromeo about our pending and you’re done after that,” sabi niya kaya ngumiti ako. “Good luck, future pañera.”

I couldn’t help but feel excited at the thought of being an official pañera. Konti na lang. Matatapos din ’to.

“Iñigo,” I called when I saw him staring at his phone. He seemed startled. “Are you okay?” tanong ko nang makitang parang problemado siya.

Working in the same office, minsan ay nagkikita kami. Hindi naman kami nag-aaway… hindi lang kami nagpapansinan. Hindi rin naman kami madalas magkita dahil mas madalas na nasa kung saang lugar siya kasama ni Atty. Buenasher.

“Yeah, why?”

Ibinaba ko iyong ilang folder sa harapan niya. “Sa ’yo ko raw itransfer iyong pending cases na hawak ko,” sabi ko. “Nandyan na ’yung mga notes ko sa cases. I’ll email you the others. If you have any question, just email me and I’ll get back as soon as possible.”

“Nagresign ka na?” tanong niya.

“No,” I said. “BAR.”

His lips parted. “Right…” he answered. Mukhang busy din siya kagaya ko kaya nawala na rin sa isip niya na October na sa isang araw. Really, when you’re busy, hindi mo na namamalayan ang pagtakbo ng mga araw. “Babasahin ko mamaya.”

“Okay,” sagot ko.

Tumalikod ako sa kanya. I wasn’t expecting him to say good luck or anything—

“Cha,” I heard him say. “Go get that title.”

Damn him.

“Thanks,” I simply answered before walking away.

---

Before completely shutting the world down, I sent a text to a few people saying that I’d disappear for a while to focus on reviewing. Baka kasi isipin nila na patay na ako dahil hindi ako nagpaparamdam—although hindi naman talaga ako nagpaparamdam madalas. I just didn’t want them to worry because I turned off my phone and shunned any kind of technology to truly focus on studying.

The walls of the condo were covered with papers that contain pertinent provisions that I should memorize. Kahit habang naliligo, nakikinig ako ng lecture. I couldn’t leave anything to chance—I must pass.

“Seriously, Cha,” sabi ni Lui na inaabutan ako ng tissue. Pati si Jax ay napa-tingin sa akin dahil sa tono ng boses ni Lui. “Ilong mo.”

Agad akong napa-tingin sa notebook ko.

Damn.

Here we go again.

I quickly stuffed my nose with tissue, but when it wouldn’t stop bleeding, I had to stand up and excuse myself. Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal sa CR. Pakiramdam ko ay dine-drain iyong dugo sa buo kong katawan.

“Punta tayong hospital,” Jax said. He was standing outside the CR like he was waiting for me.

“After na,” I said.

“Namumutla ka.”

“Ironic coming from you.”

He pressed his lips. “Seriously…”

I wiped my nose with another batch of tissue. “See? No more blood,” I explained. “Besides, gusto ko marinig ’yung lecture. You know commercial law’s not my favorite.”

Jax looked like he’s ready to carry me on his shoulder and forcibly bring me to the hospital. I had to walk past him. Normal lang naman na nangyayari ’to. I was just really stressed these past few days dahil palapit na nang palapit iyong BAR month.

“Take care of yourself,” I heard him say. “Di ko kayo kayang parehong alagaan ni Rory.”

Bigla akong napa-hinto. I turned around and smiled at him.

“I’ll go to the hospital after,” I said. “Then puntahan natin si Rory, okay?”

He nodded at sabay kaming bumalik sa conference room.

Nang matapos iyong review namin, dumiretso ako sa hospital. Jax had to go first to Rory’s place dahil rereviewhin niya pa si Rory. Hindi na kasi talaga pumapasok iyon sa review, but we couldn’t just let her give up like that. Kaya naman pinupuntahan namin si Rory and give her our notes and sometimes, nagrereview kami ni Jax sa tabi niya para kahit papaano, marinig at baka ma-retain niya iyong mga sinasabi namin.

I really wish that we’d all be lawyers together… That’s been the dream since we were in our first year in law school…

Nang matapos ako sa check-up and was given plenty of vitamins, pupunta na sana ako sa condo ni Rory kaya lang ay biglang nagtext na available na raw iyong results nung isang mock exam namin. I have a new number duly dedicated for announcements. I told Jax na dadaan muna ako sa review center para kunin iyong results namin.

Pagdating ko roon, kinuha ko na agad iyong exam namin. Tinignan ko iyong grade ko. Pasado naman… but not good enough for me. I needed high grades. I needed to top that fucking exam and get a good job with good salary. After everything I went through, there’s no acceptable result other than topping that fucking exam.

“It’s okay, babe…” narinig kong sabi ng isang lalaki. “Mock exam pa lang naman ’yan…”

“Syempre kung ano result nito, ganun din sa totoong exam!” galit sa sabi nung babae.

“Sorry… kain na lang tayo? Tapos review ka na ulit.”

“Akala ko may pupuntahan tayo?”

“No, it’s okay. Re-sched na lang natin.”

“Di ba bayad ka na dun?”

“Okay lang, babe. Samahan na lang kitang magreview after natin kumain sa favorite resto mo, okay? ’Wag ka ng malungkot. Papasa ka.”

Mabilis akong naglakad. Tss. Paglabas ko sa review center, marami akong nakitang magka-holding hands. Seriously! Nasa park ba ako? Ang daming umiiyak na babae na kino-console ng mga boyfriend nila.

“You look murderous,” Lui said. I almost jumped in my place. “Ang bilis naman nito magulat.”

I glared at him. “You’re so fucking weird.”

He laughed. “Thank god you went to the hospital,” he said when he saw the paper bag I was holding. “Kung ayaw mong magrelax, at least bawiin mo sa vitamins or something,” he said, shrugging.

“I’m relaxed, okay?”

“Sure, very convincing.”

“I just don’t smoke or drink.”

“There are other ways of relaxing, you know?”

“Wala akong time magbakasyon.”

He laughed, shaking his head. “Charisse Faith…” he said with an amused face. “My innocent girl,” he continued, draping his hand on my shoulder. “Go get yourself a boyfriend.”

“Wala akong oras.”

“Friends with benefits, then?”

“The hell, Lui!”

“Hindi naman ako!” he said. “Someone else. Just to relieve stress!” tawang-tawa niyang sabi. “Second week pa lang ngayon. Mas nakaka-stress sa mga susunod na linggo. Baka hindi na lang ilong mo dumugo.”

“Ugh. Bakit ba kita kinakausap?” sabi ko habang inaalis iyong kamay niya sa balikat ko at nagsimulang maglakad paalis.

“Think about it!” he shouted behind me. “It’s fun!”

Baliw!

Mabilis akong pumunta sa condo ni Rory. We tried our best to review her. Thankfully, may nareretain naman kahit papaano sa mga sinasabi namin sa kanya. I just wish she’d do better para sigurado na papasa kami… And that whatever happens, hindi sila magkikita ni Yago sa BAR month. God knows what would happen kapag nagkita silang dalawa. I’d hate to see Rory breaking down in the middle of November.

“Di ka sasabay?” Jax asked while we’re waiting for the elevator.

I shook my head. “Nope. Sa study hub ako. Baka maka-tulog ako sa condo,” I replied. Kailangan ko pang reviewhin iyong mga mali ko sa mock exam. Baka doon pa ako madali sa mismong exam.

“Okay. Hatid na lang kita ’dun.”

Pagdating ko sa study hub, I was bummed when I saw the same couple na nakita ko sa review center. The girl was studying habang iyong lalaki nasa tabi niya na nagbabasa ng kung ano. I hated that I was seating adjacent to them so I could see their every movement—kung paano iyong lalaki iyong naglilipat ng page na binabasa nung babae, kung papaano siya iyong nagrerefill ng tubig kapag nauubos na, kung paano siya iyong nag-aayos nung index card kapag nagugulo.

God, this was making me feel lonely!

Mabilis akong lumipat ng pwesto para hindi ko sila makita. Nang dalawin ako ng antok, lumabas ako para hintayin iyong sasakyan ko pabalik ng condo. While I was waiting, again, I saw guys picking up their girls from the study hub. What the hell was happening? Why was I suddenly surrounded by couples?!

I closed my eyes and took deep breaths.

Nope, not going there.

I wouldn’t get myself a friend with benefits— and if ever I’d get one, I knew that there’s only one person in mind… And hindi kami nag-uusap ngayon. Ayokong ma-stress sa kanya.

Pagbalik ko sa condo, I decided to watch a movie. Masyado na siguro akong nasobrahan sa pag-aaral. I needed to chill… I microwaved a popcorn and readied to watch any movie. I just needed to relax—like what everyone’s telling me.

“Oh, yes, yes, faster!” the actress on the screen shouted.

Oh, for fuck’s sake! What the hell did the world want me to do?!

Mabilis kong pinatay iyong TV at dumiretso sa kwarto. I forced myself to sleep, but to no avail. Paikot-ikot ako sa kama pero hindi ako maka-tulog. I finally decided to go down and buy liquor—anything to put me to sleep and to get my mind to freaking shut off.

I knew I should only be going to the convinience store… but my treacherous feet brought me somewhere.

Hanggang makita ko ang sarili ko na naka-tayo sa harap ng apartment ni Iñigo. I watched as the colors of the sky changed from orange to blue.

Iñigo looked confused when he saw me standing in front of his house, wearing white shirt and pajamas. I was confused, too. Bakit ako nandito? I should be preparing to go to the review class.

“Cha?” he asked, confusion was written all over his face. He was wearing his usual attire in the office—while long sleeves and black slacks. He looked so mature… damn him.

“You said you owe me, right?” I asked. He was standing before me, clueless as to what I was about to ask from him.

He nodded, slightly confused. “Yeah… but I said that three years ago.”

“What? Are you saying that the obligation has prescribed already?”

Umangat ang gilid ng labi niya. “No, not what I was saying,” he said. “But seriously… what are you doing here? And are you wearing pajamas?”

“Di ako maka-tulog.”

“And your first thought was to go here?”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “No.”

“I thought we’re not friends? Just… colleagues? Or whatever your term is.”

“Well, we’re not enemies, are we?”

He shook his head, slightly amused. “So, what do you want from me?”

“BAR month is coming…” I began. He just continued to stare at me, waiting for me to finish what I was saying. “I need you to be my slave. Buy me food. Get me my reviewers. Gisingin ako before the exam. Maghintay sa akin after. My slave.”

His brow arched. “You mean BAR buddy?”

Umiling ako. “No. I want you to be my slave.”

“But you do know that that’s a violation of Art 273? Forced labor?”

Umirap ako. “Ang dami mong sinasabi. Are you in or not?”

A grin appeared on his face. “Deal.”

Chapter 30

#CTG30 Chapter 30

“So… do you need anything right now?” Iñigo asked.

My lips were parted. Shit… Did I really just do it?! Did I ask him to be my fucking slave?! Why did I use the term slave anyway? Kasalanan ’to ni Lui! He made the word buddy sound so… dirty!

“Cha?” ulit niya.

Pasimple kong kinurot ang palad ko. “Wala,” mabilis kong sagot. I suddenly felt cold as I was only wearing my pajamas and it’s still so early. “Sige…” sabi ko sabay talikod.

Mabilis akong naglakad. Shit, Cha! Did you really just do it? Did you ask Iñigo to be your slave? And did he just agree?!

“So, how will this work? Itetext mo ba ako? O may call time ba ako?” tanong niya na parang may tono ng panunukso. “May written contract ba ’to o binding na ’yung verbal agreement?”

I pursed my lips and gritted my teeth.

“Later,” I dismissively said. I needed coffee. I needed caffeine. I needed to ponder over what I did today!

Akala ko ay makaka-takas na ako pero naramdaman ko na lang na naglalakad na siya kasabay ko. “Do we discuss the provisions or will this be a contract of adhesion?”

My God, I needed coffee. Less than 10 minutes of talking with Iñigo and my headache was back. This really was a bad decision on my part. I partly blame Lui for putting such idea in my head. And that couple for pushing me over the edge.

“You draft the contract,” I said. “And we’ll discuss it.”

“Nah, you draft it.”

“No, you do it.”

Sabay kaming huminto sa paglalakad at tumingin sa isa’t-isa.

“Contra proferentem,” he said, looking at me, his brow slightly arched. “Where a promise, agreement or is , the preferred meaning should be the one that works against the interests of the party who provided the wording.”

I rolled my eyes. “Fine, I’ll draft it! Nakaka-hiya naman sa akin na nagrereview.”

Bahagya siyang tumawa. “Joke lang,” sabi niya na naka-ngiti. “I’ll draft it… Para saan pa na slave mo ako,” he said, using air quotations as he said the word slave.

I begged myself not to roll my eyes, but the force was just so strong. Kaya naman inirapan ko siya bago ako tumalikod at nagpa-tuloy sa paglalakad. I walked faster this time, really wanting to get away from him and to go back to my condo and catch a power nap bago pumunta sa review center.

“Yun pa rin ang number ko!” rinig kong malakas na sabi niya. “Text me if you need anything!”

Mabilis akong bumalik sa condo ko. I tried to sleep, but sleep eluded me! I gave up and just made myself a strong cup of coffee and took a half-bath. Pagdating ko sa review center, bigla akong nainis nang makita ko iyong mukha ni Lui. He’s the reason behind this! Friends with benefits my ass! As if I could ask Iñigo to be that! Hindi pa naman ako nababaliw!

Thankfully, dumating na iyong lecturer namin kaya naman naging busy na ako. The whole day, I was so engaged with reviewing that when I returned to my condo, agad akong naka-tulog. Nagising lang ako nang marinig kong nagriring iyong telephone. Half-asleep, I answered it.

“Good evening, Ms. Viste,” greeted the receptionist. “Someone’s here asking for you, though he’s not included in your visitor list.”

Wala naman akong visitor list—ah, wait. Si Jax. And Rory. But mostly Jax only since hindi naman lumalabas na ng unit niya si Rory.

“Iñigo?” I asked. She said yes. “It’s okay.”

I quickly looked around and realized that my unit’s clean. Hindi din naman kasi ako makakapag-aral kung makalat… although Iñigo might think I was losing my mind dahil puro papel ang naka-dikit sa pader ng unit ko. But it’s good, though. Kabisado ko na lahat ng provisions na naka-sulat. Iyan ba naman ang makita mo paggising mo at bago ka matulog, ewan ko na lang kung hindi mo pa makabisado.

Mabilis akong nagpalit ng t-shirt dahil suot ko pa iyong polo-shirt na bigay ng review center. I didn’t bother with my hair because it’s short… and with my face because why even? It’s not as if I was gonna ‘seduce’ Iñigo.

Hindi kami friends with benefits.

That ship has long sailed.

“Okay,” I uttered to myself when I heard knocks on the door. “Just please be calm, Charisse Faith,” muli kong sabi bago naglakad palapit sa pinto at buksan iyon.

Upon opening the door, I saw Iñigo who was wearing black denim pants and white polo shirt with SCA’s logo. Galing siya sa school. His bag’s even strapped on his shoulder. He looked different compared to when he’s wearing black slacks and long sleeves. Mukha siyang college boy ngayon.

“Don’t know if it’s a part of the slave—”

“Shut it with the word slave, “ I cut him off.

“Ikaw ang gumamit.”

“Just shut it.”

There was an amused look on his face. “Fine,” sabi niya. “May dala akong pagkain.”

I looked at the paper bag he was holding. “Is that—”

“Pares, yup,” sagot niya.

I pursed my lips as I opened the door wider. “Wala akong kanin.”

“May dala akong bigas.”

“Bigas?”

“May rice cooker ka naman siguro, no?” tanong niya sa akin.

“Wait, may dala kang bigas?”

He was walking like he owned the unit. What the hell was happening? Just yesterday, hindi kami nag-uusap… And now, may dala na siyang bigas sa unit ko?

“Well, I figured that if this is gonna be until Bar’s over, might as well na bigas ang dalhin ko. Ang mahal ng cup ng rice sa labas,” sabi niya. “Nasaan rice cooker mo?”

My whole face was really confused. I was confused.

“Wala kang rice cooker?”

“Meron…” I replied as I opened the cabinet that contained the rice cooker that I barely use lately dahil palagi lang naman akong nasa review center.

“Okay. Sandali lang naman ’to. Habang hinihintay natin maluto, discuss natin ’yung contract,” he said as he was putting rice in the rice cooker and washing it with water. God, I was so confused! Bakit nagsasaing dito si Iñigo? Did he take the word slave way too literally? I didn’t mean it that way! I just needed him to occasionally get me reviewers or food if hindi ako makabili… Not this! Hindi niya ako kailangang ipagsaing ng bigas.

Hindi ako makapagsalita sa bilis ng pangyayari. One second, he’s here with rice and now, meron ng mga papel na naka-latag sa maliit kong dining table.

“This is a pretty basic contract,” he said, giving me my copies. “Hindi ko alam kung ano ang ibig mong sabihin sa salitang slave—”

“Well, you defined it pretty well here,” sabi ko habang mabilis na binabasa iyong sinulat niya. “What the fuck is this?!” pagtataas ng boses ko nang makita ko na nilagay niya ang ‘someone who is at beck and call of Charisse Faith Viste to satisfy her physical, mental, emotional, psychological, and carnal needs.’

“Alin d’yan?” inosente niyang tanong.

“Carnal needs?!”

“Well, I need to be thorough,” he said, shrugging. “We can just strike that if—”

“Strike that off!”

He shrugged. “Fine,” sabi niya at ginuhitan iyong salita na iyon. “Shall we continue?”

Napa-hugot ako ng malalim na hininga habang binabasa iyong ibang naka-sulat sa contract. Iñigo’s face was serious, but I knew that he’s having the time of his life watching my forehead crease from annoyance.

“This is…” I trailed. “I’ll draft the contract.”

Tumawa siya. “What? Valid naman ’yan! Wala namang against public policy—”

“Well, against public morality!” sagot ko.

“Aling part?”

I closed my eyes and drew a deep breath. “I’ll just make a new one and send it to you,” sagot ko sa kanya bago ibinalik iyong contract na ginawa niya. Seriously! He’s making my head ache!

Tumayo ako at naupo sa sofa. Iñigo stood up and followed me.

“What do you need?” tanong niya.

“Silence.”

He zipped his mouth and showed me a thumbs up. I rolled my eyes. Ever so annoying. I hated that I’d rather be annoyed and have him here than to wonder what he’s up to.

I laid my head against the headrest of the sofa. Nagising na lang ako nang marinig kong tinatawag ni Iñigo ang pangalan ko. I woke up and saw his face too close to mine… Damn him. Why was he so unapologetically attractive?

“Ayoko sanang gisingin ka, pero hindi ka pa nagdidinner,” sabi niya. Napa-tingin ako sa lamesa. Nandun na iyong niluto niyang kanin pati iyong pares. Meron na ring malamig na tubig galing sa ref at mga baso.

I salivated when I saw the pares kaya hindi na ako umarte at pumunta na doon. Tahimik akong kumain.

“What?” I asked when I noticed that Iñigo was watching me.

“Nothing,” he said, shaking his head.

“Yung sa contract,” sabi ko. “I wasn’t serious. You don’t have to be my BAR buddy.”

“Okay lang naman,” sagot niya.

“No, I was just—”

“It’s fine,” he said, cutting me off. “I need the distraction, anyway,” he said, smiling sadly. I wanted to ask him, but I stopped myself with every fiber of restraint in my body. Ayokong magtanong… baka mali ang magawa ko… I didn’t want to ask him such questions and just end up walking away again. He was right—that shit hurt. I didn’t want to do that to him again. I didn’t want to ask unless I was certain that I’d stay after hearing the answer, whatever it may be.

“Okay,” I replied.

“Ano ba’ng kailangan mo?” tanong niya.

I shrugged. “Di ko alam…”

“Do you need me to bring you breakfast? Lunch? Dinner?”

“Hindi naman…”

“Reviewer?”

“Meron sa review center.”

“So, bakit mo kailangan ako maging buddy?”

I looked at him.

Naisip ko na naman si Lui.

Marahas kong iniling ang ulo ko.

“Sabihin ko kapag may naisip akong kailangan ko.”

He nodded. “Okay,” sagot niya. “Sa hotel ka rin ba sa Nov?”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“May roommate ka?” Umiling ako. “Ano’ng notes gusto mo?”

“Wala.”

“Dalhan kita nung blue tips. Last BAR, 78% nung tanong sa remedial and halos lahat, nandun sa LMT,” he said.

I nodded. “Okay.”

“Ano’ng pagkain gusto mo sa BAR?”

“Kahit ano.”

“Gamot?”

“Kung ano lang usual,” I answered. “And tissue pala.”

He nodded. “Okay. Gusto mo ba hintayin kita after ng exam?”

I looked at him. “Bipolar ka ba?”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “What?”

“Nung isang araw lang hindi tayo nag-uusap, tapos biglang ganyan ka. May ibang personality ka ba?”

He pursed his lips. He’s hiding something. Again.

“Don’t answer,” sagot ko. I really shouldn’t ask such questions. “And no, ’wag mo na akong hintayin.”

He nodded. “Okay.”

Muli kaming nabalot ng katahimikan. We silently finished our meals. He volunteered to wash the dishes, but I defeated him against that. Hindi naman sobrang kapal ng mukha ko. Siya na nga nagdala ng ulam at nagsaing, siya pa ang maghuhugas ng plato?

“Cha,” he said while I was in the middle of washing the glasses. “Why did you really ask for me?”

“Because you owe me,” I safely answered.

“After 3 years?”

“An obligation is an obligation.”

“Fine… If you say so… But I can’t help you if I don’t know where to help you.”

Patuloy akong naghugas ng plato.

But I could feel his stares on my back.

He’s staring.

Damn him.

Again.

“People said… that I should relax,” I said barely audibly. “And I guess I can only relax when you’re around,” I whispered to myself.

Chapter 31

#CTG31 Chapter 31

“I told you, you don’t need to do this,” sabi ko sa kanya habang ipinapatong niya sa lamesa ko iyong maliit na thermal bag. It’s been the 5th day of this so called set-up—o kung anuman ito. Every morning, Iñigo would come to my unit and bring me food for breakfast and lunch. And then come dinner, pumupunta siya dito sa unit para magsaing. So fucking weird of him… yet it’s… cute. He’s really like a puppy.

“Part of the contract,” he said, smiling. Back to sunshine boy.

Lumapit ako at sinilip kung ano iyong pagkain na dinala niya. I frowned when I saw what it was. “Mukha ba akong garden? Bakit puro damo ’to?”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Spinach ’yan. Good for iron deficiency daw,” he said, closing the container once again. “May orange din d’yan sa loob para sa vitamins.”

I rolled my eyes. It’s like Iñigo turned into my mom.

“Ubusin mo, okay? Hirap kaya iluto niyan.”

“Sino ba nagsabing magluto ka? Fastfood lang okay na ako.”

“Fastfood my ass,” he replied. “Our contract clearly states that I’m in-charge of your food, Viste, so you’ll eat whatever I feed you.”

Iñigo was holding a banana and if this happened back then during our I’ll-pull-you-in-the-abandoned-auditorium-and-we’ll-makeout phase, he’d be having the time of his life teasing me about it… But we’re in a different place now. I couldn’t exactly pinpoint where we’re at, but it’s okay. One problem at a time.

“What’s that?” I asked when I saw another thermal bag on the table.

“Ah… dinner mo,” sabi niya.

I pursed my lips. That’s new. I wanted to confirm na hindi siya pupunta dito mamaya para sabay kaming magdinner… but that would make things weird. I was okay with our set-up right now. I was okay with how smooth things were. There’s no space for complication—not with BAR exam looming around the corner.

“Di ako makaka-punta mamaya,” he simply said.

“Okay,” I simply responded.

Ganon lang.

Simple.

Iñigo stayed while waiting for me to finish preparing for the review center. Malapit lang naman iyong building kaya sinabayan niya akong maglakad. I didn’t feel as sad as before—hindi kaya nung mga araw na palagi akong nakakakita ng magboyfriend na sabay naglalakad. This actually felt nice… to be with someone. To be someone’s priority—even for a while.

“Wag mo na akong puntahan next week,” I said.

“Bakit na naman?” tanong niya na naka-kunot ang noo.

“Finals mo, ’di ba?”

His lips parted. “Oo nga pala…”

“Baliw ka ba? ’Di mo naalala?”

He scratched the back of his head. “Alam ko,” sagot niya. “Medyo nalimutan ko lang. Sabay kasi si Atty. Cabo at Atty. Buenasher na maraming pinapagawa sa ’kin.”

“Sabihin mo kaya sa kanila na finals mo? Marami namang paralegal sa office.”

He smiled. “Nah, it’s fine. Patapos naman na ko.”

“Focus on your finals.”

He grinned. “Naks… concerned?”

I rolled my eyes. “Shut up.”

Humalakhak siya. “If this were like before, I’d tease about you liking me… but we’re strictly on a ‘contract’ basis now, right?”

I ignored that. We’re really good right now. The complication could wait after I finish the exam. Pagkatapos ng exam, we could be as complicated as we want… not now. May BAR ako; may finals siya. We needed to focus on the goal.

“Seriously, though,” I said after a while, “Wag mo muna akong puntahan next week. Focus on your finals.”

He didn’t comment after that. Tahimik kaming dalawa hanggang makarating sa review center. I liked the silence… And I realized that I only needed two things to relax—silence and his presence. Couldn’t get any better than that.

The day went on as usual. My head was slightly aching because of the mock exam. Pag-uwi ko, gusto ko na lang matulog pero nanghihinayang ako sa niluto ni Iñigo kaya naman pinilit ko na kumain ng dinner. I watched TV for a while dahil ayokong matulog agad pagkatapos kumain. But in the middle of watching, I heard knocks on the door.

“Hey,” he said with a defeated smile on his face.

“I thought—”

But I didn’t finish my sentence when he suddenly wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on top of mine.

“Ilang segundo lang,” bulong niya.

Hindi ako maka-galaw. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. I wanted to ask him what was wrong… but all I could do was to be here for him. It was as if I could feel how tired he was…

“Nakaka-pagod,” he whispered again.

“What can I do?” I asked.

He tightened his hold around me. “Wag ka munang gumalaw,” sagot niya.

“Can I, at least, breathe?”

“Nah, I forbid you.”

I rolled my eyes and stayed standing there. I was silently counting the seconds. Ilang minuto na kaming naka-tayo lang na ganon. I could feel the rising and the falling of his chest. Sobrang lalim ng paghinga niya. Parang… sobrang lungkot niya.

“You wanna hear something weird?” he asked after a while of pure silence.

“Always.”

“You’re the only person who can infuriate the shit out of me… but at the same time, you’re like this tranquilizer,” he said, tightening his hold around me again, if that was even possible. “Like a walking contradiction, Charisse Faith. Like a bad addiction that I know I needed to stop… but look at me now? Isang lapit mo lang, nandito na naman ako.”

I stood there, knocked out of words.

“I heard what you said the other night.”

I immediately froze.

“Alin ’dun?”

“The one where you can only relax when I’m around?”

“I was—” I said, pausing midway. I was tempted to tell him that I was drugged or maybe even hypnotized that night, but I didn’t want to dig a lie. Narinig niya na; ano pa ba ang magagawa ko? Lying would be no use. He could easily be able to tell.

He broke the one-way hug and looked into my eyes. “Me, too, Cha,” he said, looking right into my eyes. “I can only relax when you’re around,” he continued, whispering against my lips.

I could feel my breathing deepening as seconds slowly passed by.

What… was about to happen?

“…Iñigo?” I asked because he was acting weird.

He had this defeated smile on his face again. He rested his forehead against mine. He drew a really deep breath.

“Sorry,” he said and backed away. “Uwi na ako.”

My lips parted at the confusion. He’s really going through something… and the logical thing to do was to let him solve whatever it was. That’s the logical and rational thing to do… Alam ko ’yun.

“Wait,” pagtawag ko bago pa man siya maka-layo.

Screw rational.

Kahit ngayon lang.

“Coffee?” I asked.

“I won’t be a good company tonight—”

“I’m good with silence,” I cut him off.

“I can do silence,” he said.

Tanging tunog lang ng water heater ang naririnig namin. I was watching Iñigo. His head was resting against the sofa and his eyes were closed. He looked like he’s carrying the world on his shoulder and I wanted so badly to ask… but I shouldn’t. Silence must do for now.

“Lavender tea,” I said, putting a mug in front of him. “If you want coffee—”

“Thanks,” he said, offering a small smile.

We were again enveloped with silence.

It was nice.

It felt good.

“Do you think I’m a bad person?” biglang tanong niya.

“What?”

“Sa tingin mo ba masama ako?”

What the hell was he going through?

“No,” I frankly said. “Complicated… but not evil for sure.”

He nodded. “Sa tingin ko rin naman…” sabi niya. “I mean, hindi ako sobrang bait… but I do try to be good, you know?” he asked, looking at me and smiling sadly. I could see his eyes starting to turn red. My heart started to ache at the sight of him. I badly wanted to cross the distance and wrap my arms around him and tell him that everything’s going to be okay… but I didn’t know if things would be okay…

Sinandal niya iyong ulo niyang muli at pinikit ang mata at mahinang tumawa.

“Shit. Sorry. Sabi sa ’yo wala akong kwentang kasama ngayon, e,” sabi niya habang pasimpleng pinupunasan iyong luha niya.

“We can just… watch a movie,” I offered.

He nodded, his eyes still close. “Okay.”

“Ano’ng gusto mong panoorin?”

“Kahit ano’ng gusto mo.”

I reached for the remote and started to look for a movie to watch. I was browsing the selection, looking for a movie that Iñigo might enjoy. I wanted him to have fun. I didn’t like seeing him this down. It’s making me weirdly sad, too.

“Do you like horror? Or gore? Or action?”

“Whatever you want,” he replied.

“I don’t usually watch movies.”

“Really?”

“Yeah…”

“Nerd.”

I threw him a look. “I know.”

Because my condo was ‘uninhabitable’ as per Iñigo, bumaba siya sa convinience store para bumili ng chips and popcorn, pero pagbalik niya, may dala siyang canned beer… and Chuckie.

“Seriously?” tanong ko nang iabot niya sa akin ang Chuckie.

“Why? Gusto mo rin ng beer?” tanong niya habang binubuksan iyong beer.

I snatched one away from him and took a sip and immediately made a face. Ugh. Still disgusting.

Iñigo laughed. “Stick to your chocolate drink, little girl.”

The movie began and we were both watching. It was said to be the most recommended movie of the year. It was okay, though. Maybe I really am a book fan, not much of a movie fan.

“Bakit?” tanong niya nang tumayo ako.

“Namamanhid ’yung legs ko,” I answered.

He pulled me down again and laid my legs over his legs. “Ang… puti mo talaga, no?” he asked. “Wala kang pores kahit sa legs, Cha?”

Mabilis kong binawi ko iyong legs ko, but he firmly held them over his legs. He looked at me, laughing.

“Buti na lang sobrang sungit mo, no?” he asked. I glared at him. “Because physically, you’re perfect… so, there’s gotta be a fault here somewhere,” he said, pointing at me.

“Naghahanap ka ba ng gulo?”

Tumawa na naman siya. “Cha,” tawag niya.

“What?” I said in a crisp tone.

“Let’s makeout.”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. “What?!”

“We’re both single. You need to relax. I need to be… distracted,” he explained like that was enough.

“Are you drunk?!”

“Sa isang can ng beer? No,” he replied.

“You’re being weird!”

“No, I’m being honest. I wanna kiss you. I wanna makeout with you. I wanna—pardon my French—fuck you.”

I could feel my entire face turning red.

I could hear my heartbeat in my ears!

“Iñigo Borromeo—”

“Is madly attracted to you,” he said, cutting me off.

My eyes were still widely opened from what was happening right in front of me. I couldn’t even understand what was happening in the movie right now. Ni hindi ko maialis ang tingin ko kay Iñigo.

“If… if you don’t want to, I’ll just go home and do… something else,” he said, staring directly into my eyes. “Consent, okay? It’s all about consent. Kung ayaw mo, hindi kita pipilitin. I just want to be finally honest about what I want to do to you… on you… in you…”

My god, his choice of words!

“I’m not sleeping with you, okay? I don’t do one night stand.”

He shrugged. “Hand stuff, then?”

“What?”

He laughed. “Oh, Cha…”

I glared at him. “You’re seriously fucking drunk right now.”

He quickly closed the distance between us and planted his lips against mine.

I made a face. “You taste like beer.”

He kissed me again. “Hindi na next time, promise.”

“Walang next time.”

And kissed me again. “Baka mabusog ka kakakain sa sinasabi mo, Cha,” he said before changing our position and laying me on the sofa and him laying on top of me. “May iba ka pang kakainin… but maybe that’s for next month.”

Chapter 32

#CTG32 Chapter 32

“Tell me when it’s too much,” he whispered when his lips left mine after minutes of kissing. Pakiramdam ko ay namamanhid na ang labi ko dahil ayaw niyang tigilan sa paghalik. The taste of beer was faint, but it was still there.

“Can you brush your teeth? Or gargle?” I asked.

He was hovering above me. “Bad breath ba ako?”

“Beer.”

He laughed. “Arte.”

I rolled my eyes. “Bilis na,” I said, pushing him off of me.

“Wala akong toothbrush dito. May mouthwash ka ba?”

“Kakaubos lang…”

He shrugged. “Beer lang naman, Cha. ’Di nga ako nagrereklamo na lasang Chuckie ka,” he said before leaning in and kissing my lips again. I rolled my eyes. So aggressive… May problema talaga siya ngayon. I mean, normally, Iñigo’s subtle… not like this.

He was kissing my lips, but I wasn’t kissing him back as I was busy frowning. I felt him laughing against my lips.

“Arte ni Queen Elsa,” he said. “Di na sa lips, okay?” he asked and then began kissing my neck. I bit my lower lip as I felt tingling sensation when he dragged his tongue against the sensitive part of my neck. Agad akong napa-kapit sa t-shirt ni Iñigo.

“Hubarin ko, Cha?” tanong niya habang naka-tingin sa akin.

“Ang daming tanong!” naiinis na sabi ko dahil nahihiya na ako sa mga tinatanong niya. I knew he’s far more experienced in this than me and I honestly have no problem with that. That’s his life and his choices… what annoyed me was his constant questioning dahil nahihiya ako.

“Ayoko lang na may gawin ako na ’di mo gusto o ’di ka ready,” he explained while looking directly into my eyes. The hair near his forehead were starting to get damp. Hindi bukas ang AC sa unit ko dahil nagtitipid ako.

And… it’s really hot in here with everything this guy was doing!

“Just… no sex,” I said, averting my gaze. Naka-tingin ako sa vase sa likod ni Iñigo. Anything but his face. Ayokong makita ang reaction niya. No.

“So… everything is on the table except for penetration?”

I hit his chest. “Stop with the words!”

Tumawa siya. “Yun na nga pinaka-formal, Cha! Ano gusto mo? Everything but my dick in you?”

Hinampas ko ulit siya. “Nakaka-inis ka, alam mo ’yun?”

“Hindi na po,” sabi niya bago muling ibinalik iyong labi niya sa labi ko. His lips coaxed mine to open and his tongue swiped mine. It was just… so easy to get lost in this… in him…

I felt like we were kissing for what felt like hours when suddenly, he just stopped and abruptly stood up.

“San ka pupunta?” I asked. I accidentally glanced at myself at the mirror and was shocked to see how… disheveled I looked. Nasa braso ko na iyong damit ko dahil hinatak ni Iñigo nang hinahalikan niya iyong balikat ko. And my hair… it looked like a bird’s nest.

“CR,” simple niyang sagot bago mabilis na pumunta doon.

Nang maka-pasok siya sa CR, kumuha ako ng bagong shirt dahil mukha akong palaboy sa nangyari sa damit ko. I brushed the madness that was my hair.

“Matagal ka pa ba?” I asked when minutes passed and he was still inside. I needed to pee. Like, really! Kanina pa ako nagpipigil. “Iñigo?” I called, knocking again because I heard nothing from him.

“Shit!” I heard him cuss loudly bago lumipas ang ilang segundo at bumukas ang pinto. His head was covered with sweat and his face was slightly flushed.

“Are you… okay?”

He groaned. “You’re killing me,” sabi niya bago mabilis na naglakad papunta sa sofa, dumapa doon, at tinakpan ang ulo ng unan. Mabilis akong pumasok sa CR and did my business.

---

“Ano ’to?” tanong ko nang may binagsak na mga papel sa harap ko si Iñigo. Hindi kami nagkita ng isang linggo dahil pinilit ko na magfocus siya sa finals niya. Next year, siya naman ang magbabar… pero hindi mangyayari ’yun kung babagsak siya ngayon.

“Decision ni Justice Juelas,” sagot niya. “May balita na siya raw ’yung examiner sa Labor.”

I nodded. “Thank you. Basahin ko mamaya,” I answered because I was still reading my old exams in Poli. Naalala ko na tuwing lumalabas iyong BAR, ganon din iyong lumalabas sa exam namin.

While I was reading, Iñigo busied himself in my kitchen na mas mukhang kitchen niya na dahil siya naman ang gumagamit. I remembered Gracey telling me that Iñigo doesn’t cook much kaya siya ang pumupunta sa apartment ni Iñigo.

“How’s Gracey?” I asked. Seconds passed na hindi sumagot si Iñigo. I turned to look at him. He was focused on chopping the onions. “Hey,” I called.

“Okay naman,” sagot niya.

“Ah…” I replied, a little bit weirded out.

“Nakuha mo na ’yung bag mo sa school?” he asked.

“Hindi pa… Baka bukas.”

“Gusto mo ako na kumuha? And ano’ng gusto mong idagdag ko? Nilagyan na naman ng school ’yun nung basic,” he said while now sautéing the onion. Bigla akong nagutom. Ano na naman kaya iluluto nito?

“No, ako na kukuha. Gusto ko ring lumabas,” I replied. I’d been inside the condo or sa review center. Tatlong araw na lang, simula na ng exam. I did my part… sigurado akong nag-aral ako nang mabuti. I needed to relax my brain. Pakiramdam ko fried na iyong mga braincells ko sa dami ng binabasa ko.

I focused again on reading. Natapos lang ako sa binabasa ko nang sabihin ni Iñigo na tapos na iyong niluluto niya. I quickly stood up.

“Aalis ako bukas,” he said while putting rice on my plate.

“Okay,” I replied.

“Basta ihahatid kita sa hotel sa Friday, okay?”

“Kung busy ka—”

“Kahit busy ako,” he interrupted.

God, this exam couldn’t end any faster. I wanted to be weird with this guy. This no label thing was making me insane.

Nang matapos kaming kumain, Iñigo washed the dishes. He said that I could wash all the dishes I wanted after the exam, but for now, siya daw muna.

This was starting to feel really, really comfortable… it was making me wonder what could possibly ruin this.

“Gusto mo hati tayo ’dun sa case? Digest ko ’yung half para mas mabilis?” he asked after he sat beside me.

“Bukas na,” I said.

Natawa siya. “Really? Ikaw ba ’yan?”

I nodded. “Buong araw na akong nagbabasa. The words are seriously dancing in my eyes already.”

“Okay… Ano’ng gusto mong gawin?” tanong niya.

I shrugged as I crossed my arms. It was Iñigo’s sembreak already. Medyo busy siya sa frat dahil BAR season na kaya tuwing gabi lang kami nagkikita. Sigurado ako na kapag November na mismo, hindi na kami madalas magkikita dahil alam ko kung gaano ka-demanding iyong sa frat nila pati iyong work niya sa firm… I just hoped hindi nila utusan ng masyado si Iñigo. Marami namang mas bata sa kanya.

“Iñigo,” I called.

He looked at me. That face. He could seriously pass for a leading man with that boy next door face. Parang ang hirap niyang seryosohin sa korte dahil parang magpapa-cute lang siya ’dun.

“How…” I trailed, fiddling with my fingers. “How… is sex different from what we’re already doing?”

Sandaling kumunot ang noo niya. “What do you mean?”

Ever since we first started this—whatever this was—I couldn’t help but wonder about him, about everything.  He made me really curious. Minsan, natutulala na lang ako habang nagbabasa. And then my face would get hot. Seriously distracting.

“The sex,” I said, almost stuttering. God, sex education should really be taught! I hated being so shy and clueless about this! “Is it really… good?”

Iñigo adjusted his seat. He rested his arm on the backrest and his fist against his temple, all whilst staring intently at me.

“Why?”

“I’m curious.”

“I thought everything but sex?”

“Just curious.”

“It’s really good… but it’s the best when you’re doing it with someone you really connect with,” sagot niya habang naka-tingin sa akin.

“But like physically?”

Natawa siya. “Bakit ba curious na curious ka? ’Di pa ba sapat ’yung daliri ko?”

Hinampas ko siya. “Nakaka-inis ka talaga!”

He laughed again and pulled me close to him and bit my shoulder. “Gusto mo na ba?” tanong niya.

“Hindi,” sagot ko.

“Okay,” he said, planting a kiss on my shoulder.

“But… it’s like really good?”

Hinigpitan niya iyong yakap sa akin at saka pinanggigilan na naman ako. “Yang mga tanong mo…” sabi niya. “Bored na bored ka na kaka-aral, kung anu-ano na tinatanong mo.”

I rolled my eyes.

“I’m just genuinely curious, okay?”

Bahagyang niluwagan niya iyong yakap sa akin. He rested his forehead against the blade of my shoulder. “Okay… I think I have a solution.”

“Solution to what?”

“This… tricky situation,” he answered before quickly changing our position until I found him hovering over me yet again. Even before I could verbalize my question, Iñigo’s lips covered mine again. His lips and tongue tasted like mint. I quickly felt his hand inside my shirt, tugging my nipple and massaging my breast it simultaneously.

I just… really loved kissing him.

Wouldn’t stop if I didn’t have to.

We were making out like usual—kagaya ng ginagawa namin nitong mga nakaraang araw. But Iñigo would only bother me when I was done studying—at least he got that right. As delicious as he was, I needed to study more.

We kissed and kissed until my lips felt sore.

And then I felt his hand inside my shorts.

That wandering hand.

I bit my lower lip when I felt what he was doing.

“This…” he said as he flicked his thumb. “But a lot better, Cha.”

Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko habang patuloy siya sa ginagawa niya. He kept on rubbing the nub until I felt that high that I needed to chase. And I was breathing deeply as I reached it, but when I opened my eyes, I saw how Iñigo anchored my leg on his waist and positioned on top of me.

“May extra boxers naman ako dito, ’di ba?” tanong niya.

I nodded, confused. “Yeah… why?”

“We can’t fuck yet… so let’s just dry hump for now, okay?” he asked before he began rubbing himself against me while we’re still both fully clothed.

Chapter 33

#CTG33 Chapter 33

I was not in my right mind.

Ever since Iñigo dry humped my soul out of my body, I couldn’t stop thinking about sex. I felt like my mind’s now 60% sex and 40% BAR exam.

And it was sending an alert across my system.

Baka puro sex ang isagot ko sa BAR exam.

So, I did what I thought was the rational thing to do.

“Cha?” Iñigo asked, his eyes masked confusion as he was trying to decide if I was really standing outside his apartment… At 2 in the morning… “Bakit… ka nandito?” he asked, still very confused.

I drew a really deep breath.

“I need sex,” I said.

Parang bigla siyang nabulunan kahit wala siyang iniinom.

“We remove carnal needs from the contract, but the word physical still remained and—”

“What the hell?” tanong niya na nilakihan iyong bukas ng pinto. “Pumasok ka nga dito. Ano’ng oras na ba?”

“2 am,” I answered.

Iñigo pulled me inside his apartment and then he stood right in front of me. Parang ngayon pa lang nawawala iyong antok niya. He brushed his hair using his fingers and then stared at me one more time.

“Ulitin mo nga ’yung sinabi mo.”

“I want to have sex.”

He blinked. “Ngayon?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

Natawa siya. “Seryoso?”

I nodded. “Yes. I can’t be distracted by this sa mismong exam.”

He ran his fingers through his hair again. Medyo mahaba na ang buhok niya. Busy na siya ngayong November dahil sa frat niya pati sa trabaho. Tonight’s the perfect time. Hindi ko na siya makikita madalas ngayong November… and our contract was only good during the BAR. Who knew what would happen after? And I couldn’t risk it. I had decided a long time ago that Iñigo Borromeo would be my first.

At hindi ako ’yung klase ng tao na madaling magbago ang isip.

“Seryoso ba talaga ’to, Cha? You really—”

“I really want to have sex with you,” I cut him off. “I want penetration; your dick in me.”

He bit his lower lip like he was trying to stop himself from smiling, but he did smile… because I admit, I sounded ridiculous. Well, he’s making me ridiculous. Siya lang ang nakakapagpagawa ng ganitong bagay sa akin.

“Tangina…” sabi niya. “Pwedeng tula ’yan, Cha, ah. I want penetration; your dick in me,” he repeated.

I frowned. “Are you making fun of me?” I asked.

Muling tumawa siya at mabilis akong hinatak at pinalibot ang mga braso sa katawan ko. I felt him resting his chin on the top of my head again. And then he kissed my cheek.

“Hindi, ah. Takot ko lang sa ’yo,” he said, kissing my cheek again. “Pero akala ko sabi mo dati you’d make me beg?”

I rolled my eyes. “You want me to say please?”

“Pwede?”

I rolled my eyes again. “Please have sex with me?”

Tumawa na naman siya. “Puta naman. Bakit ang cute mo?” he asked, tightening his hold around me. “San tayo magsesex ng alas-dos ng madaling araw, Cha?”

“Dito na lang,” I said, looking around his apartment. Malinis naman. ’Di naman ako iyong tipo ng babae na sentimental… I just really wanted to do it with him. The other details would be inconsequential.

“Nope,” he said, pulling away from the hug and getting his phone. May ginagawa siya sa phone niya habang naiwan akong nakatayo doon. Paunti-unti, pakunot nang pakunot ang noo niya. “Ang hirap ng walang sasakyan, pota,” he uttered.

I sat adjacent to him.

“Okay. Dito na,” he said, standing up.

“Saan?”

“Basta.”

“Saan nga?”

“Hotel.”

“Mahal,” I said.

Iñigo walked up to me and kneeled in front of me. He held my hand and looked directly into my eyes. “This is your first time, okay? I want this to be special. For you,” he said, but I still remained silent. Ever since I started working, I began to realize the value of money. Mahirap kumita ng pera… I just found it ridiculous to throw money to a hotel when we could do it here.

“Please, Cha?” he pleaded. “Yung pera, kikitain ko ulit ’yan… Pero ito? Hindi na ’to mauulit.”

I pursed my lips.

“May job offers na ko pagka-graduate ko. Malaki ’yung sweldo. I’ll be fine, promise. Hindi ako magugutom kapag nagcheck-in tayo sa hotel ngayon, okay?”

I sighed. “Fine.”

He sighed. “Good,” he said, pulling me with him. “Bilisan natin kasi 12noon ’yung check-out.”

Everything happened so fast. We booked a ride to the hotel that Iñigo wanted to bring me to and I frowned so hard when I saw that it was a 5-star hotel. I was frowning, but Iñigo was blatantly ignoring me. It was an eyesore when I saw him give his debit card para bayaran iyong kwarto. That was his hard-earned money. Kitang-kita ko kung paano siya mahirapan sa firm sa dami ng pinapagawa.

This room and sex better be good.

Iñigo held my hand as we rode the elevator. Pagdating namin ’dun, sabi ni Iñigo maligo daw muna ako.

“Mabaho ba ako?”

He laughed. “Hindi! Basta, sa CR ka muna, okay?”

I rolled my eyes. Pumasok na ako sa CR and did as instructed. Iñigo spent a lot of money for this so I was trying to be cooperative. I stayed in the CR for a few good minutes bago ako lumabas. Agad na napa-angat ang kilay ko nang may marinig akong mabagal na kanta.

I pursed my lips.

“Seriously?” I asked when I realized that there were scattered petals everywhere and candle lights and Iñigo was even holding a stem of rose in his hand.

“Last minute preparation,” he said, shrugging. “Bigla-bigla ka nag-aaya ng sex kasi, Cha.”

I rolled my eyes again. Iñigo Borromeo wouldn’t be Iñigo Borromeo if he couldn’t make me roll my eyes in both irritation and admiration.

“For you, Charisse Faith,” he said, closing the gap between us and handing me the stem of rose. I took it from him and looked at him. He was smiling at me… iyang ngiti na dahilan kung bakit nandito ako sa isang hotel room, wearing only a bathrobe, and staring at him and wondering why it took us 3 years to get to this point.

“I promise I’ll make it good,” he said.

“Okay,” I replied, nodding.

“Ligo muna ako,” sabi niya. “Sabay ka?” he asked, laughing.

“Okay,” I replied.

His eyes widened. He gulped. He blinked. He groaned.

And then he pulled me back to the bathroom and we took the longest shower I ever took in my life.

---

My eyes were wide, staring at the ceiling in front of me. But even then, it was as if I could see Iñigo’s smug look… He was… Wow. I wanted to thank all the girls he dated because they all contributed to who he is today.

“Ano? Kaya pa?” he asked, rolling over until he’s right beside me. I was still breathing deeply, trying to recover from what he did to me in the bathroom. “Dila at daliri ko pa lang ’yun, Cha,” sabi niya sabay halakhak. Tinakip ko iyong kamay ko sa mukha niya. Iñigo and his words would be the death of me.

“Let me breathe, okay.”

“Room service muna tayo?”

“Okay,” I said. “But I’ll pay.”

“Nah. Ako taya.”

“E ’di ’wag na tayong kumain.”

“Tsk. Fine.”

We read the menu and spent a few minutes choosing what to eat. Pinili pa ni Iñigo iyong pinaka-mura kaya nag-away kami sandali. Ang mahal ng binayaran niya para sa suite na ’to, so I demanded he order what he really wanted to eat.

When the food arrived, we ate while he was reviewing me by asking me random questions about Poli and Labor. He kept on giving me thumbs up dahil nakaka-sagot ako. I’d been reviewing for as long as I could remember. Sukang-suka na ako sa pagrereview.

“Ready ka na?” he asked. We were standing in front of the sink, brushing our teeth pagkatapos naming kumain. I nodded. “Basta sabihin mo kapag sobrang sakit o kaya kapag nagbago isip mo, okay? No hard feelings.”

“Ganito ka ba sa lahat ng nakaka-sex mo?”

“Yeah… I mean, everybody deserves to have a choice?”

I pursed my lips.

Damn Iñigo.

“Pero ikaw lang dinala ko sa hotel,” he said. “No pressure… pero syempre only the best para sa crush ko.”

I rolled my eyes again. Naglakad ako pabalik sa kama at naupo sa dulo nun. Iñigo stood in front of me and then kneeled.

“Di na ako magsasalita kasi sabi mo awkward, but please tell me kapag ayaw mo na o—” he said, but I cut him half-way by grabbing his face and kissing him full on the lips. I coaxed his mouth to open and plunged my tongue inside. God, thank you for making Iñigo Borromeo.

Iñigo hovered on top of me, quickly removing both our bathrobes until we’re both naked again. I could feel him poking my stomach. He was so… ready. And I was so… scared. I knew that it would hurt. He looked so big. But I could do this. Hindi naman ako ang unang virgin sa mundo.

Iñigo kissed my lips until I couldn’t feel them anymore because they’re so sore… and then he went down and gave the same attention to my breasts… and then further down he went.

I closed my eyes and let him.

The first time, I really almost punched him.

But… it felt… nice.

I was breathing deeply as I felt him doing wonders. Hingal na hingal ako nang matapos ako. And then we were face to face again. I could see beads of sweat on his forehead.

Naupo siya sa tabi ko. He reached for his wallet on the side table and whipped out a condom. I silently watched as he ripped the wrapper and rolled the thing on his thing.

God, this was really happening.

Hindi kaya mas maadik ako dito at ito pa rin ang isipin ko sa mismong BAR?

“I heard mas okay kapag wala?” I asked because Rory told me that it was way better kapag wala. Although hindi ko naman tinatanong. All those unsolicited knowledges about sex that Rory imparted… mukhang magagamit ko na.

“Di ko alam,” Iñigo said. “Di ko pa na-try.”

I arched my brow. He laughed.

“Grabe naman,” he said. “The best sex is safe sex kaya ang motto ko,” he continued before pulling me up, making me straddle him. He held his length and then held my waist with his other hand, helping me find the position.

“I might cry… but don’t stop,” I said as I felt his thing pointing… there.

He nodded. “Goodbye, virgin Cha…” he said as I slowly felt him in me.

Chapter 34

#CTG34 

Chapter 34

Everyone around me was crying.

I hated this part.

“Attend tayo sa thanksgiving mass?” Jax asked.

I looked around and saw families hugging. I saw a lot of mothers crying as they held their child who just finished an excruciating month of BAR exam.

“Uwi na muna ako,” I replied. I was happy for my batchmates because their families were here to welcome them as they finished the BAR… But I couldn’t help but feel sad. Wala man lang sumalubong sa akin nang lumabas ako kanina. I mean, the school did, but family’s still different.

I said goodbye to Jax’s parents. Pinilit pa nila ako na magstay at magdinner daw kami sa labas, but that would feel like an intrusion. Pati nga si Rory biglang nawala. But she sent a text saying na uuwi muna siya sa Pangasinan para puntahan iyong tatay niya. She promised that she’s okay… Kinabahan kasi talaga kami ni Jax after nung first Sunday. She was a wreck. She was crying so hard na akala namin ’di na siya tutuloy sa exam… Only after Yago told us na hindi na siya aattend ng second Sunday namin naconvince si Rory na magtake ng exam.

My forehead was creased when I saw Iñigo inside my unit, holding a bunch of silver and gold balloons, standing near the table that was full of food.

“Congrats, Atty. Viste,” he said, smiling.

“Akala ko may inuman kayo mamaya?” I asked, putting my transparent backpack on the sofa. Sabi niya sa ’kin kaya ’di niya ako nasalubong kanina ay dahil marami siyang gagawin sa frat dahil may position yata siya ’dun. ’Di ko naman siya tinatanong dahil ’di ako interesado sa frat niya.

“Habol na lang ako mamaya,” sagot niya. “Gutom ka na?”

I shrugged as I walked closer to see what he got. There was a platter of rice, a big bowl of pares, and a plate of crispy pata. I secretly smiled. Gutom na ako.

“Nasa fridge ’yung ice cream,” he continued. “Kain na tayo, Cha?”

I nodded. Uupo na sana ako kaya lang sabi niya ’wag muna. Lumapit siya sa akin at mabilis akong niyakap. Hinalikan niya iyong tuktok ng ulo ko.

“Sobrang proud ako sa ’yo,” bulong niya.

“Thank you,” I said, meaning it because… it felt nice hearing someone say that to you. Bihira kong marinig ’yun. My Dad never told me that he’s proud of me… He just told me that I always needed to be better. I never heard that I was actually enough.

I looked up to him and smiled.

“Ngayon lang yata kita nakitang naka-ngiti!” he said, his eyes widened. I rolled my eyes. “Wait lang, picture tayo! Remembrance!”

Iñigo forced me to have a selfie and to smile, but the moment was gone. Tinukso niya na ako na first time ko ngumiti kaya hindi ko na inulit. Tawa lang siya nang tawa at nagsosorry kasi nagulat daw talaga siya. Hindi nga siguro talaga ako madalas ngumiti. Pero ngumingiti naman ako kapag may dahilan… Tulad nito.

After we ate, we sat on the sofa and watched some random sitcom.

“Ano ’yan?” tanong ko nang may iabot siyang paperbag sa akin.

“Ref magnets,” he said.

“Bakit?”

“Wala lang… Tuwing umaalis ako, binibilan kita,” he continued. “Si Mama kasi dati palaging bumibili niyan.”

I looked at the content. There must’ve been at least 15 magnets inside. Kung saan-saang sulok talaga ng Pilipinas yata dinadala siya ni Atty. Buenasher. No wonder ’di ko siya nakikita nitong November unless weekend dahil sa frat naman siya may ginagawa and dumadaan lang siya sa hotel room ko para magbigay ng pagkain at materials.

“Kung ayaw mo—”

“Binigay mo na,” I said, holding the paperbag close.

He laughed. “Okay,” he said, smiling. Lumiit iyong mga mata niya

sa pagngiti niya. Hinigpitan niya iyong yakap sa akin at naramdaman ko na hinalikan niya na naman iyong gilid ng ulo ko.

I couldn’t remember how and when, but I did fall asleep. Paggising ko, nasa kama na ako. I looked to check if Iñigo’s around, but he left a note on the sidetable saying na umalis na siya dahil may trabaho pa raw siya sa firm.

I spent a good hour staring at the ceiling. Wala na akong kailangang reviewhin. I was… done. This was weird.

Naglinis ako ng condo at inayos iyong mga review materials ko. I put them all inside a box. Sana hindi ko na siya kailanganin next year dahil gusto ko na talagang maging abogado. After that, nagsaing ako ng bigas. I wasn’t a good cook, but I felt like I owed Iñigo a dinner dahil buong November, he made sure that I wouldn’t starve.

I went to the grocery store and got ingredients for sinigang kasi sabi niya iyon ang paborito niya. I really planned to prepare dinner, but I was so bored so I cooked it for lunch. I wanted to text him, but I decided against it dahil baka tuksuhin niya ako. Kaya naman nandito ako sa firm, dala iyong thermal container niya. Kapag tinukso niya ako, iiwan ko na lang ’to dito at bahala na siyang kumain.

Dumiretso na ako sa loob at hinanap si Iñigo. He wasn’t in his cubicle. Naglakad-lakad ako doon at napa-hinto nang makita ko na nasa loob siya ng conference room. Baka may meeting na naman. Naupo muna ako sa cubicle ko. May apat na araw na bakasyon pa ako bago ako bumalik dito… And then I’d wait until my contract is over and decide kung saan magta-trabaho. I still wasn’t completely decided. I wanted to work in a firm because that would give me more experience, but I needed more money now. Maybe I’d try being a legal counsel in a company. Bahala na.

I was watching the people in the office when the door in the conference room swung open. Lumabas doon si Iñigo kasabay ang dalawang babae. The woman looked old and sickly at kasama niya yata iyong anak niya. They were talking about something and the woman was crying and holding on to Iñigo’s arm. I watched Iñigo’s face. He was… stoic. His face was hard and impassive.

Ilang segundo pa akong nanood ng mga nangyayari. Napaawang ang labi ko nang lumuhod iyong babae. Biglang may dumating na security para ilabas siya. Iñigo just went back to the conference room like nothing happened.

“Hey…” sabi niya nang lumabas siyang muli at nakita ako. “Sa isang araw pa ’yung balik mo, ah?”

I nodded, still thrown off by the scene that I just witnessed.

“Sino ’yung kanina?” I asked.

“Yung sa isang case,” he said so casually.

“Bakit umiiyak?”

“You know I can’t talk about work,” he said, and then looked at the thermal back that was on his desk. “Dala mo ’yan?” he asked and I nodded. A smile formed on his face. “Nice… Nagluto ka, Cha?”

Tumango ako. Hinihintay ko na tuksuhin niya ako dahil ganyan naman si Iñigo. Hindi yata matatapos ang isang araw na hindi niya ako iniinis.

“Tara, sa labas tayo kumain,” he said. Sabay kaming naglakad palabas. He was silent for a change. Natigilan lang kami sa paglalakad nang biglang may nagtapon ng kung ano sa kanya… at dahil magkatabi kami, natapunan din iyong kalahati ng damit ko.

“Mga abogado kayo! Mga sugo ng impyerno!” sigaw nung babaeng nakita ko kanina. Her eyes were red with anger and she was shaking with fury. “Buhay pa kayo sinusunog na ’yung kaluluwa niyo sa impyerno!” she shouted before spitting right at Iñigo’s face.

Shit.

What… the hell?

The guards quickly pulled the lady away from us. I looked at Iñigo who was quietly standing there. He got his handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to me.

“May extra akong t-shirt,” he said. He was acting nonchalant. Madalas bang mangyari ’to sa kanya? Ano ba’ng trabaho niya dito sa firm? Bakit umabot sa ganitong punto? O normal ba ’to kapag nagtatrabaho na? Dapat bang maghanda na rin akong masabuyan ng kape at maduraan sa mukha?

“What the hell?” I asked, unable to contain myself.

“Sorry nadamay ka.”

“Why was she so angry?”

“Work—”

“I know,” I answered. “I’m sorry,” I continued. I knew that he’s not allowed to talk about the cases he’s working on. But I was just… shocked. Nasa loob lang ako ng building lagi at nagbabasa ng mga contract. Si Iñigo ang nasa labas palagi kasama si Atty. Buenasher. Ano ba ang ginagawa nilang dalawa para may magalit sa kanila nang ganito?

“Balik na lang tayo sa condo mo,” he said, hailing a cab and getting us back to my condo. Iñigo took a quick shower dahil buong mukha at katawan niya iyong tinamaan nung kape. I changed my clothes tapos ay inayos ko na iyong lamesa para makakain na kami.

“Out of court settlement,” Iñigo said. “Yan lang pwede kong sabihin.”

I nodded. “Okay,” I replied. Ayokong makialam sa trabaho niya. That’s work.

“Cha,” he called. “Tagaytay tayo sa weekend? Bago ka bumalik sa work?”

My mood lifted up. “Baka busy ka—”

“Gusto mo rin, noh?” tanong niya sabay halakhak. “Alis tayo ng Friday after ng work ko tapos balik tayo ng Monday ng madaling-araw?”

“Okay,” I said, forcing myself to stop smiling.

“Mag-eenroll din ako. Samahan mo ko?”

“Bata ka ba? Bakit kailangan magpasama?”

Tumawa na naman siya. “Sungit talaga,” sabi niya. “After na lang ng enrollment ko punta tayo sa mall? Tapos nood tayong movie?”

“Di ako mahilig sa movie.”

“Kain tayo sa resto?”

“Dito na lang para—”

“Hirap naman ayain nitong magdate!” he said, cutting me off. My eyes widened. “Date tayo sa Monday, Cha?” he asked. My eyes were still wide. “Ayokong tanungin ’to sa ’yo nung BAR pa kasi ayokong mahati ’yung attention mo… pero okay lang ba sa ’yo na i-date kita?”

“Sine-sex mo na nga ako tapos nahihiya kang ayain akong magdate?”

Tumawa na naman siya. He ran his fingers through his hair again.

“Mga salita mo, Viste, ha,” he said. “Masyado ng nagiging bulgar ’yang bibig mo. ’Di na kita hahalikan.”

I rolled my eyes. “Nakaka-hiya naman sa ’yo. Akala mo ang wholesome ng vocabulary mo.”

He laughed again. “Pero ano nga? Sa Monday?”

“Di pa ba date ’yung gagawin natin sa Tagaytay?”

“Hmm…”

“Ano ba’ng balak mong gawin natin sa Tagaytay?”

He wiggled his eyebrows. I rolled my eyes. He laughed and stood up and hugged me from behind. “Sungit talaga nito,” he said, kissing my cheek. And then my neck. And then back to my lips. I kissed him back but then I remembered na babalik pa siya sa office dahil lunch break lang naman kaya kami nandito.

“May pasok ka pa—”

“Ikaw muna papasukan ko,” he said as his hand began to wander its way inside my shorts. His fingers strummed and I couldn’t help but bite his lower lip at the sensation that he was giving me.

“Inigo—”

“Ten minutes, promise, mabilis lang,” sabi niya bago ako binuhat at dinala papunta sa sofa. He quickly unbuttoned his pants and pulled out his member. My breathing deepened at the sight of him. God, this was a dangerous thread I was walking.

I felt my throat tightening as I watched Iñigo fondle himself. He got out a condom from his pocket and opened it with his teeth.

“Paki-hubad na ’yung panty,” sabi niya.

I threw him the pillow. Tawa siya nang tawa.

“Ikaw nagsabi na papasok pa ako, e! Pakibilisan naman, Cha, at magta-trabaho pa ako,” he continued.

God, I wanted to punch him sometimes!

“You know, you’re so annoying sometimes.”

“Ganon talaga. ’Di pwede na cute ako palagi,” he said, laughing as he parted my legs and positioned in between. “Next time ikaw na sa taas. Nakaka-pagod kaya,” he continued. I pulled his hair and he shouted in pain.

“Asshole.”

He planted a kiss on my lips.

“Your asshole,” he said as he slid in me and all my arguments were forgotten.

Chapter 35

#CTG35 Chapter 35

Iñigo sent a text saying na hindi daw matutuloy ’yung Tagaytay trip namin dahil biglang may kailangang gawin siya sa work. I said that it was okay although I was kind of looking forward to it. ’Yun ’yung unang beses na may gustong i-date ako. I guess I was just too intimidating to other people and I had no qualms about it. I believe that the right guy wouldn’t be afraid to talk to me—gaya ni Iñigo na ang kapal ng mukha.

Instead, I spent my day with Chase who apologized na hindi siya naka-punta sa salubong ko. I told him it was okay. Hindi lang talaga kami ganoong pamilya… I couldn’t remember going to any of my brother’s graduation. It’s just how it was with our family. At least, it was how our father raised us. Still, I was thankful. Pakiramdam ko naman lumaki kaming maayos.

“Are you sure about this?” I asked as I watched Rory pack her bags. She suddenly sent a text saying na uuwi na siya ng Pangasinan at ibebenta niya na iyong condo niya. I didn’t think she was serious until I arrived here at her condo and all things were already packed.

“Yup. Nagmumukmok lang ako dito sa Manila. Baka maka-tulong ’yung fresh air sa ’kin,” she said, smiling although I knew better than that.

With nothing better to do, I helped her pack. A little later, dumating si Jax. Sa sasakyan niya pala ilalagay ’yung ibang mga gamit ni Rory. She had so many things. Ilang taon silang nagbahay-bahayan ni Yago.

“I’m worried about her,” I said as I sat on Jax’s car. Rory insisted on driving alone kaya sa sasakyan ako ni Jax naka-sakay. “Nakaka-usap mo ba si Yago?”

“Hindi sumasagot. Nasa bundok yata,” he replied.

“Bundok?”

“Yeah… That’s his new hobby,” Jax said.

“Pano ’yung sa BAR niya?”

“Next year daw.”

Hindi ako sumagot. I wasn’t Yago’s biggest fan… He’s just too talkative for me. I could never review with him around because he’s always saying something non-sense para pansinin ni Jax. But with Rory like this? I’d rather have Yago annoy me to death. I really didn’t like seeing Rory so down. It’s so weird.

“Pano kapag bumagsak si Rory tapos magkita na naman sila next year?” I asked.

“Papasa si Rory,” Jax said. “Di lang siya nakapagreview ngayon pero nag-aral nang maayos ’yun for 4 years.”

I silently agreed. As much as my eyes and ears suffered from Yago and Rory’s unwanted PDA, I couldn’t deny that those two did review when needed. Nakaka-sagot naman sila nang maayos sa mga recit namin. Even Yago… God, I hated how he’s so confident whenever he’s reciting. Like even he believed that lies he’s sprouting. I wanted to learn how to bluff like he does.

Pagdating namin sa bahay nila Rory, gusto ko agad lumabas dahil umiyak lang si Rory nang makita ’yung tatay niya. I wasn’t built for that kind of scenario. I felt like my chest was tightening at the sight so I decided to go out and walk.

I brought my phone with me so Jax could reach me kung aalis na kami. It was my first time in Pangasinan. Hindi kami umaalis sa Manila para magbakasyon. It’s just school and home. Tagaytay was my first out of town and it was with Iñigo.

Ang dami ko palang first kay Iñigo.

I was walking around when suddenly, I saw a familiar face. Sandali akong huminto para titigan iyong maliit na tarpaulin na may mukha ng matandang babae. Umawang ang labi ko nang maalala ko kung bakit pamilyar sa akin ’yung babae.

Curiosity got the best of me and I walked closer. I wanted to ask what happened, but I couldn’t understand the people around me dahil iba ang salita nila. I knew I shouldn’t ask, but I had a feeling that this had something to do with Iñigo…

“Hi…” I said to someone. “Pwede ko po bang tanungin kung paano siya namatay?”

The old lady looked at the tarp once again before making a sign of the cross. “Pagpalain nawa ’yang si Cecil… Kamamatay lang ng tatay at heto, sumunod naman ang nanay…” she said. I remained looking at her. “Nako, hija, iyong tatay e namatay sa aksidente daw sa pinagta-trabahuhan tapos e inareglo nung kumpanya. Huli na nung nalaman nung nanay na mas malaki sana pala ang makukuha nila dapat kaya lang e naka-pirma na. Ayan at namatay sa sama ng loob dahil maraming anak na pag-aaralin pa sana kaya kailangan ng pera,” she continued and did another sign of the cross.

I stood there, unsure of what I’d do with the information I just got. Ilang minuto akong parang tanga na naka-tayo doon, hindi alam ang gagawin. It took Jax calling me for me to finally move my feet.

Absentmindedly, I walked back to Jax’s car. I was silent on the whole way back to Manila. Iñigo told me that that was his job… To do out of court settlement. To fix problems of the company before it could blow up into a lawsuit. It was his job… In school, it was just a concept we study… A topic for recitation and coverage for examination.

Pero iba pala kapag nakita mo sa totoong buhay.

How words could literally destroy people’s lives.

“Are you okay?” Jax asked.

“Not really,” I replied, a bit surprised that I wasn’t okay.

I knew that Iñigo wasn’t the most honest guy out there and I made my peace with that… Kung ginagamit niya man iyong kodigo o hindi, if he’s taking shortcuts or not, that was on him…

But this?

It’s another flaw I had to ignore.

“Want to talk about it?”

Hindi ako sumagot agad. Naka-tingin lang ako sa kalsada sa harapan ko. I wasn’t idealistic… but this was making me uncomfortable.

“No,” I said. Jax’s probably my closest friend… but it would feel like betrayal kung pag-uusapan namin si Iñigo. Besides, hindi naman si Iñigo ang pumatay ’dun sa babae… Maybe partly the reason why…

Pagbalik namin sa Manila, dumiretso na ako ng tulog dahil napagod din ako sa byahe. The next day was rather boring. I was actually excited to get back to work because I realized that downtime wasn’t my strongest suit. Hindi ako sanay na walang ginagawa. I’d go crazy thinking of what to do.

“Good morning, Cha,” Lov greeted.

“Morning,” I greeted back.

“Ikaw lang kilala ko na relieved na makakita ng ga-bundok na papel sa lamesa niya,” she said, laughing. I merely shrugged. Mabilis akong naupo at sinimulan ang pagbabasa ng drafts ng mga contract.

I was in the zone when Lov spoke. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya.

“Friends kayo ni Iñigo, ’di ba?” she asked. Napa-tingin ako sa kung saan siya naka-tingin. Nasa dulo ng floor si Iñigo kausap si Atty. Buenasher pati na iyong ibang senior lawyers sa department.

“I think so,” I replied. Hindi ko sigurado kung friends kami. Wala namang friends na pinaghuhubad ng panty. Napa-iling na naman ako dahil naalala ko ’yun. I should’ve punched him when he said that.

“Inofferan daw ’yan ng rival company ng position kahit graduating pa lang,” she said. I merely nodded. Iñigo mentioned job offers. ’Di naman ako nagulat dahil alam kong magaling siya. It’s obvious. He’s wise beyond his age.

“Good for him,” I answered. If anyone deserves that, it’s Iñigo. He’s had a rough life.

“Pero syempre ’di pumayag sila Atty. B,” she continued. “Nagcounter-offer. Balita 6 digits salary daw plus condo and car basta dito pa rin siya and dapat magplace siya sa BAR.”

I nodded again. It was expected.

“Sabagay… Ang laki din ng nase-save ni Iñigo dito sa company, e. Bata ’yan ni Atty. B kaya sinasama lagi kapag may inaayos na problema.”

My lips formed into a thin line.

I wasn’t the most idealistic person… but a problem? Those are people and not mere problems.

Thankfully, my phone vibrated kaya naman ginawa ko ’yung excuse para tumayo. I didn’t feel comfortable talking with Lov anymore. Dumiretso ako sa pantry para magtimpla ng kape tapos dumiretso sa rooftop.

“Di ka sumasagot?”

“May iniisip ako,” sagot ko nang marinig ko ang boses ni Iñigo sa likuran ko. I felt him standing behind me and felt him snaking his arms around my waist. Ipinatong niya ang baba niya sa balikat ko at hinalikan iyong leeg ko.

“Dinner tayo later?” he asked.

“Tapos na trabaho mo?”

“Hindi pa pero bukas na ulit.”

“Tapos ka ng mag-enroll?”

“Yeah… Ayaw mo akong samahan, e,” he said, tightening his hold around my waist. “Ang tahimik mo.”

“Kailan ako naging maingay?”

Tumawa siya. “Sungit naman nito,” he said, planting a kiss on my cheek. “Gusto mo takeout na lang tayo tapos sa condo mo tayo magdinner?”

I stood there and let myself feel his touch. I hated overthinking. It wasn’t as if Iñigo’s a criminal. He said it so himself… He’s not a saint, but wasn’t exactly a bad person.

He’s just a normal person.

And who am I to judge?

“Okay,” I replied.

“Sa weekend talaga if free ka… Tagaytay?”

“Hindi ko pa alam,” I replied.

“Sa next weekend?”

“Hindi ko pa rin alam.”

“Kailan ka free?”

I shrugged. “Bakit ba?”

Hindi siya nagsalita. He just stood there, his arms around me stayed. I felt as though he was relaxing while he was hugging me. Naka-tingin lang ako sa mga building sa harapan ko.

“Tapos na ’yung BAR,” he said.

“I know. I took the exam.”

He clicked his tongue. “Pilosopo naman,” sabi niya. “Wala ng BAR buddy,” he continued.

“We’re more like fuck buddies than BAR buddies.”

His arms around me loosened. I remained on my spot. But I gave in and turned around and looked at him.

“What?”

“Para namang katawan ko lang habol mo, Cha?”

“Are you serious?” I asked incredulously.

“Ano? Puro sex lang?”

“Bakit? ’Di ka ba nag-enjoy?”

His jaw tightened. “Si Cha ang gusto kong kausap hindi si Queen Elsa,” sabi niya pero hindi ako sumagot. He ran his fingers through his hair and looked at me like I was his biggest problem. “Pwede bang mag-usap tayo nang maayos? Hindi ’yung pilosopo ka.”

I nodded. “Okay… Ano ba tayo?”

“Hindi ko alam,” sagot niya.

“We’re not friends… not exactly a couple,” I replied, shuddering at the last word. “Just in between.”

He looked at me. “What if I want more than in between?”

I looked at him. “Can I think about that?” I answered after a few seconds of pure silence and the only the sound of the wind between us. Bigla siyang nagpakawala ng malalim na hininga.

“Of course,” he replied, relieved.

“Thank you,” I said.

Tumingin siya sa akin. I noticed how beautiful his eyes were… And how cold they could look when he wanted them to.

“For the record, I liked you the first time I saw you,” he said.

“Right.”

“Totoo.”

“Kaya nga hindi mo natandaan iyong pangalan ko.”

“Tanda ko naman ’yung mukha mo!” he defended. “Lagi kitang nakikitang nagrereview. ’Di lang kita malapitan kasi parang lagi kang ready makipag-away.”

“Salamat dahil nilapitan mo ako,” I sarcastically replied.

He closed the gap between us and held me in his arms again. “Kahit gaano mo ako sungitan, ewan ko ba bakit ’di ako nadadala,” he said, resting his chin on my head. “Reverse psychology ata ’to.”

I rolled my eyes. “Kasalanan ko pa?”

He laughed. “Hindi naman po,” sagot niya. “Pero Tagaytay nga?” he asked and I acted like I was thinking but then his phone vibrated and it showed that he was needed for something. He quickly kissed my cheek and said, “Trabaho lang muna ako para may pangdate tayo.”

I rolled my eyes again. “Aalis ulit kayo?”

He nodded. “Yeah. May aayusin na problema lang.”

I pursed my lips. “Okay.”

He smiled and held my chin and kissed my lips. “See you when I get back, okay? Don’t miss me too much,” he said, laughing as he walked away and I stood there watching his retreating back.

Chapter 36

#CTG36 

Chapter 36

“Bakit ka laging nandito?” Iñigo asked when he found me on the rooftop again. Naka-upo lang ako sa isang sulok habang naka-tingin sa langit. I merely looked at him and shrugged, but truth was, I just didn’t like seeing him in the office. Not that I hated seeing his face, but more like I didn’t want to be reminded of what he does for a living.

I felt like a hypocrite for being so bothered dahil alam ko na trabaho lang naman ’yun… That if not him, may iba pa rin namang gagawa… But no words could make me feel less bothered.

“It’s quiet,” I replied.

He sat beside me and I could feel his eyes on me. Nanatili akong naka-tingin sa langit sa harap ko. Then I felt him resting his head against my shoulder.

“Pahinga muna ako,” mahinang sabi niya.

Tahimik kaming dalawa. I could feel how tired he was. Nakaka-pagod naman talaga. Nakaka-pagod iyong trabaho na napili naming gawin. Maybe I was part of the lucky ones… I was only dealing with papers. I was only dealing with words and not people. I never got the chance to deal with the other side of this work.

Maybe someday I will.

But not now.

I didn’t have the stomach for it yet.

“Why did you study law?” I asked.

“Bakit interesado ka bigla?” tanong niya habang naka-sandal pa rin sa balikat ko. Hindi ako sumagot. I wouldn’t lie if I could afford not to. I believe that lying would result to more lies and frankly speaking, my brain’s already at maximum capacity. Ayokong tandaan pa iyong mga kasinungalingan na sasabihin ko.

“Pumasok ako sa law school kasi galit ako nun,” he began. “Sobrang minaliit kasi ng mga kamag-anak ko ’yung buong pamilya namin kasi nga namatay si Papa tapos puro utang iniwan sa ’kin. Alam ko naman ’di perfect si Papa pero syempre tatay ko ’yun… Mahal ko ’yun kahit ganon…”

I silently listened to his words and I was reminded again that this was Iñigo. He’s not evil… He’s just human. He’s flawed. His flaws made him more endearing to me. His flaws reminded me that he’s real.

“Gusto kong maging lawyer kasi gusto kong patunayan sa kanila na pina-laki ako nang maayos ng magulang ko. Na may mararating ako sa buhay. Kaya kahit nahihirapan na talaga akong mag-aral at magtrabaho ng sabay, ginagawa ko pa rin.”

Inalis niya ang pagkaka-sandal at humarap sa akin. I was still facing front. I didn’t want to look at his face because that would heavily cloud my judgment.

“Ikaw?” tanong niya. “Bakit gusto mong maging abogado? Isa ka rin ba sa tulad ng iba na pumasok kasi gusto nilang baguhin ’yung mundo?”

I shrugged.

“I don’t think so…” I replied. “I went to law school because I know I’d be good at it.”

Hindi ako kagaya ni Jax na pumasok sa law school para gumawa ng mabuti. I went to law school because I knew that I’d excel in this field… So, why was I heavily bothered when I, too, didn’t go to law school with the best of intentions?

“And you’re good at it,” Iñigo said.

“I know,” I replied, to which he laughed. Hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko na tumingin sa kanya. He looked so good when he’s laughing. Para kasi siyang walang inaalalang problema kahit na alam ko na malayo doon ang totoong nangyayari.

“Are you disappointed?” he asked.

“Saan?”

“Na hindi ako… idealistic?”

“Hindi ako mahilig sa fairytale,” sagot ko habang naka-tingin sa mga mata niya. His eyes bore a hole in my being. His eyes could easily hypnotize me.

“Good. Kasi malayo ako kay Prince Charming,” he replied, holding both my hands and kissing my knuckles. “Hindi ako perfect, Cha… Marami akong maling ginagawa.”

I looked him in the eye instead and held myself back when what I really wanted to ask was if he already knew that what he was doing was wrong, why was he still doing it?

But he’s just human.

He’s flawed and he’s aware. Ano pa ba ang hihilingin ko? At least he’s not living in some delusion that he’s perfect and he’s gonna save the world from burning.

“That’s good enough,” I said and a small smile appeared on his face. Muling hinatak niya ako palapit at niyakap. Naramdaman ko na naman ang labi niya sa noo ko.

“Free ka mamaya?” he asked.

“Traffic papuntang Tagaytay,” I replied because I didn’t want to spend my Thursday night in traffic. I’d rather we stay in my condo and watch movie or makeout.

Tumawa siya. I felt the vibrations of his laughter and it calmed my nerves. I just liked hearing him laugh. I felt like I owed him that.

“Hindi,” sabi niya. “Papasama sana ako kahit matanda na ako.”

“Ano?”

“Sabi mo kasi bata ba ako at nagpapasama ako mag-enroll,” he explained. “Samahan mo ko mamaya?”

“San ba?”

“Car dealer.”

“Bakit?”

“Pipili akong sasakyan.”

“Bakit kailangan kasama ako?”

“Syempre, ikaw laging isasakay ko ’dun e… Tapos ako naman sasakyan mo,” he said. I punched his chest kaya napa-ubo siya. Minsan, sasabunin ko na iyong bibig ni Iñigo. I was told that I was already speaking the same way as Iñigo. I hated that we’re being so alike already. Ang bastos ng bibig niya.

“Ang sakit nun, ha!” he said when he recovered.

“Ang bastos mo kasi.”

He laughed. “Pero seryoso nga? Samahan mo ako mamaya?”

I rolled my eyes. “Fine.”

He grinned and kissed my cheek. “Thank you!” he said with much glee. “Di mo itatanong kung bakit kukuha ako ng sasakyan?”

Umiling ako. “I already know why,” I mentioned. Lagi kasi siyang pinag-uusapan sa office. Because people didn’t know how close we were, they’d often rant to me about Iñigo… Of how he was the favorite of the boss… Of how unfair treatment… Of the outrageous offer to him…

Some people really do not know how to be happy for other people.

Kunot ang noo niya. “Ha? Pano?”

I shrugged. “Congrats.”

Ngumiti siya. “Thanks, Cha,” he replied. “Ikaw? Dito ka pa rin ba kapag pumasa ka na?”

Tumingin ako sa kanya. I liked working here… but I thought that it would be better if I’d go work somewhere else. Kapag dito ako nagtrabaho, palagi kong makikita si Iñigo kapag nagta-trabaho siya and truth be told, I wasn’t the biggest fan of ‘professional’ Iñigo.

He’s ruthless as a professional.

It’s like a 360 degree turn from who he was when he’s with me.

“Still thinking,” I said instead. If I continue working here, I seriously didn’t see us in the future. I needed to distance myself professionally for this to work.

Umayos siya nang upo. We were seating and looking at the sky right in front of us. And then I felt him holding my hand.

“Thank you,” he said.

“For what?”

“Basta,” he replied. “Thank you, Cha.”

---

“Ano ba’ng pinaka-mahal na sasakyan?” Iñigo loudly wondered habang naka-upo kami sa concrete bench at nagbu-book ako ng sasakyan namin.

“Kailangan ba mahal?”

“Di naman… pero sabi nila kahit ano daw na sasakyan, e,” he said, shrugging. “Gusto ko sana Range Rover kaya lang ayoko ng pareho kami ni Jax,” he murmured. Napa-iling ako. He’s really got problems with Jax. I could see him rolling his eyes every time I’d tell him that I couldn’t hang with him dahil kasama ko si Jax.

“What did they offer you?” I asked instead to draw his attention away from Jax. The booking was taking longer than usual and it felt like the universe was forcing me to ask the question that I’d been avoiding for days now.

“Salary, car, condo, stock options after a few years,” he casually mentioned like those things didn’t cost tens of millions.

“Ano’ng kapalit?” tanong ko.

“What do you mean ano’ng kapalit?” balik niya.

“If the offer’s too good to be true, maybe it really is,” I casually replied, my eyes on my phone again. I didn’t want to villainize Iñigo in my head. I just really wanted him to think this thoroughly before he signs anything.

“May narinig ka na naman ba tungkol sa akin?” tanong niya.

“Tungkol saan?” tanong ko.

I felt him staring at me again. Gone was the light aura he had a while ago. I closed my phone and looked at him. I arched my brow.

“Tungkol saan?” I asked again.

“Sa trabaho ko,” sagot niya.

“Ayokong makielam sa trabaho mo,” I said. “Your job is your job. It’s your business. I just want you to think things through before signing yourself to anything.”

His jaw was slightly clenched. I hit a nerve even though I tried my best to tread lightly.

“It’s just work, Cha,” he said so defensively.

“I know.”

“Kung hindi ako, may iba pa ring gagawa.”

“Alam ko.”

But he was looking at me as if I betrayed him when all I ever did was to defend him against myself.

“We were taught not to judge,” he continued. “That everyone deserves to be afforded defense in the court of law.”

I looked at him directly. “I know all those things, Iñigo. I’m not judging you for your work. I don’t live in a fucking fairytale. I just want you to think things through before deciding. Don’t base every decision on financial gain. Money doesn’t solve everything.”

He pursed his lips.

He drew a deep breath.

“You don’t live in a fairytale but you don’t believe money solves everything?” he asked incredulously. “Bullshit, Cha. Ang idealistic niyang sinabi mo.”

I pursed my lips and looked at him. “I’m not your enemy, Iñigo. Bakit ka nagagalit sa ’kin?”

He clenched his jaw and ran his fingers through his hair. The frustration was very palpable that I could feel it in the air. He looked at me and his eyes turned cold again—kagaya nang nakita ko nang tignan niya lang iyong dalawang babae.

This was the lawyer version of him.

So… cold and unforgiving.

“You’re judging me,” he said.

“I’m not,” I replied.

“You are. Iyang tingin mo… You’re judging me.”

I pursed my lips. “I’m not judging you. I’m fucking trying to understand you,” I said, biting my tongue to stop me from saying more.

“Because I could take all of them judging me. I don’t give a fuck about what they thing because they don’t know me… Pero ikaw?” he asked and then his jaw clenched once more. “Your opinion matters.”

Hindi ako nagsalita.

I didn’t have anything good to say.

“If it’s still not clear, it’s because I have strong fucking feelings for you, Charisse Faith Viste.”

I drew a deep breath and stood up.

“I came from a rich dysfunctional family, Iñigo, and if indeed money solves everything, how come I’m not happy?” I asked, looking straight into his eyes. “Stop convincing me that you’re not evil when truth is, you want to convince yourself that it’s just work.”

Muli akong huminga nang malalim.

“Get whatever car you want… Money doesn’t impress me,” I continued before walking away before he could say something that would really disappoint me.

Chapter 37

#CTG37 Chapter 37

“Ano ’to?”

“Cupcake.”

Iñigo arched his brow. “Obviously,” he answered. He was silently working in his cubicle when I gave in and handed him the cupcake that I bought during lunch time. It was bothering me that he wasn’t talking to me. I wasn’t judging him for his work—I was looking out for him. I just didn’t want him saying yes to things just because he thought they were shiny.

“Stop being mad at me.”

“Hindi ako galit sa ’yo.”

“Also, stop lying,” I said. “Let’s just not talk about work, okay? Hindi na ako magsasalita ng kahit na ano tungkol sa trabaho mo.”

Between the two of us, I still believed that I was right… But that didn’t matter anymore. I just wanted us to talk again.

“Okay,” he said, a small smile appearing on his face. “May party mamaya. Gusto mo akong samahan?”

I pursed my lips. I wasn’t a big fan of going to parties because going to parties means talking to people… And I wasn’t much of a talker. But I missed Iñigo. Hindi niya talaga ako kinausap ng ilang araw.

“Okay,” I replied. “Pero wala akong isusuot,” I continued. All my dresses were left at home. Puro pangpasok sa school at trabaho lang ang meron ako sa condo.

“Bili na lang tayo after work.”

“Okay…” sagot ko. I really didn’t want to spend money on dress, but I had no choice. Wala si Rory dito para pahiramin ako ng damit. And I really wanted to spend this day with Iñigo.

The rest of the afternoon, I was focused on working. I even requested a different cubicle para naman hindi ko nakikita si Iñigo tuwing kausap niya iyong mga senior lawyers o kapag may kausap siya sa conference room. It was working, so far.

When afternoon came, dumiretso kami ni Iñigo sa mall. We were only walking side by side, but I really missed him although I couldn’t find the strength to tell him that. I wanted to hold his hand, but I couldn’t find the guts to do that.

“Okay na?” tanong niya nang naka-ngiti nang bigla niyang kabigin ang kamay ko at hawakan. Kanina niya pa napapansin na sinusubukan kong banggain ng kamay ko iyong kamay niya. I pursed my lips and nodded. I fought off a smile. I liked being like this. I was happy I lowered my pride and took the first step.

Iñigo told me that it was a formal party courtesy of his frat.

“Ayaw mo ’dun?” he asked, pointing at a high-end boutique.

I shook my head. “Department store na lang.”

“Dun na lang. Ako magbabayad,” he insisted.

“No, may pera naman ako,” sagot ko. Malaki naman iyong kinikita ko sa trabaho. I liked that I could still rest after work. But I was already looking for other job opportunities. I decided that I should work elsewhere para hindi kami magbanggaan ni Iñigo. I couldn’t help the look on my face. Baka kung ano ang maging reaction ko kapag may nakita na naman ako sa office.

“Please?” he asked. “Sabi ko sa sarili ko ililibre kita kapag nagka-pera ako, e…”

I drew a deep breath and nodded. Baka pag-awayan pa namin ’to.

We went inside this store and Iñigo watched as I tried different dresses. I avoided looking at the price tag and just let Iñigo have his way. Pagkatapos nun ay binili niya naman ako ng stilettos. He got himself a tuxedo. Ang dami niyang pera ngayon.

“Wow…” he said, his mouth parted as he saw me walk dressed in the gown that he bought me. It was a black halter floor length dress. I only wore red lipstick.

Tumayo siya at nilapitan ako. He placed his hands on my waist.

“Parang ayaw na kitang isama sa party…” he said and then nuzzled his face against the crook of my neck. “Madaming lalaki ’dun. Baka magselos ako.”

“Para kang bata,” I said as I let him hug me. He’s so clingy and touchy and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

He laughed. “Gusto mo drive thru muna tayo? Parang joke kasi ’yung serving sa party,” he said. “Naka-kuha na pala ako ng sasakyan… Pinilit kasi nila ako nung isang araw.”

Tumango ako. “Okay,” I said, not really wanting to discuss his new car, new condo, or his new money. I just wanted him by my side. Bahala na siya sa ibang bagay.

We got burgers, fries, soda and then made out for half an hour bago kami naka-rating sa mismong party. It was held in a hotel in Makati. I saw lots of familiar faces. I saw lots of my schoolmates. I saw lots of politicians and powerful figures in the country.

“Cha!” Lui said when he saw me. “Sino’ng kasama mo?”

I looked at Iñigo who was being introduced to someone.

“Si Borromeo?” I nodded. “Huh… Who would’ve thought?” he asked, grinning.

“Member ka rin dito?” I asked. I had Lui to thank for whatever this was… Kung hindi dahil sa kalokohan na sinabi niya sa akin noon, hindi ako magkakalakas ng loob na kausapin si Iñigo.

He nodded. “Nung first year pa. Pero si Iñigo talaga? ’Di ko nakita ’yun, ah… Alam ba ni Rhys?”

I nodded again. “I don’t need Rhys’ approval, okay?”

Tumawa si Lui. “Ito naman, galit agad!”

I rolled my eyes. Lui was about to say something annoying again, but Iñigo returned. He quietly placed his hand on the side of my waist and stood closely to me. Lui wiggled his eyebrow.

“Sorry may pinakilala lang sa ’kin,” Iñigo whispered in my ear. He looked at Lui in front of me. Lui did a mini-salute before leaving us. Tumingin sa akin si Iñigo. “Sorry iniwan kita.”

“It’s okay,” I repeated. I saw lots of familiar faces—familiar because they’re always in the headlines. Lots of people here involved in the different facets of corruption.

“Narinig kong naghahanap ng member ng legal team si Congressman Ramirez,” he said.

I arched my brow. Did he seriously think that I’d work for Congressman Ramirez? He’s the most controversial politician in the country—mostly known for corruption and shady business.

“I mean, kung interesado ka lang naman,” he backpedaled.

“I’ll think about it,” I politely replied because it was still nice of him to think of me nang may marinig siyang job opportunity. But I didn’t want to work for any of Iñigo’s brothers. He’s already in too deep in this system. I didn’t want my work to be another ‘utang na loob.’

We were both quiet when the program started. There were lots of male energy in the room. Ramdam na ramdam ko iyong yabang ng mga tao dito. The guy on the table near me was bragging on how he nailed the top actress in a network—another one was bragging about the new car he got from getting some high-profile person acquitted from criminal charges.

Such… bunch of people Iñigo was connected with.

“To 50 years of brotherhood!” the guy in front said. “Solidarity and fidelity!” they all chanted, including Iñigo beside me.

I quietly excused myself as I needed to breathe. Iñigo was about to offer to walk me to the CR when someone stopped him to introduce him to someone. Mabilis akong naglakad papunta sa balcony. I held on to the railings and stared at the fancy lights.

“Few more minutes,” I told myself over and over again, reminding myself that this night would soon be over and later, nasa condo lang ako kasama si Iñigo. We’d have a quiet night and this… event would be forgotten.

Tumalikod ako para sumandal sa railing nang makita ko na hindi pala ako nag-iisa sa balcony. I looked at him and quickly realized that he’s Maven de Marco. He was looking at me as I was looking at him. Ilang segundo na naka-tingin lang kami at walang gustong magsalita.

“Stop staring,” I said.

“You stared first,” he replied.

Tumalikod ako at tumingin sa ibaba. If only I had other options. Kung aalis ako dito sa balcony, I’d have to walk across the ballroom. I still needed a few minutes to gather strength. Meeting people was already hard enough as it was—but meeting the people in this room needed extra strength from within.

“You’ll break few bones,” he said after a few seconds.

“Ha?”

“You’re wondering if it’s low enough for you to jump,” he replied, shrugging.

“Bukod sa pagiging apo ng presidente, mind reader ka na rin?”

He rolled his eyes. “Be my guest. Talon.”

I rolled my eyes. “I just need a few minutes; alis din ako. I’ll leave you in the dark,” I replied as I noticed that he was standing in the dark. It seemed like he was avoiding the people in this party, too, which was weird because the last I heard, he’s the president of this fraternity.

My eyes automatically rolled again nang makita kong kausap ni Iñigo si Congressman Ramirez. God, of all people he could associate himself with.

“You’re with Iñigo,” Maven said.

“Yes, Captain Obvious.”

He arched his brow. “Did I do anything to offend you? Ngayon lang tayo nag-usap,” he said.

I sighed. “No, I’m sorry,” I said. “Just… not a big fan of parties.”

He nodded. Nang mapa-tingin si Iñigo sa gawi namin ay mabilis akong lumipat ng pwesto para hindi niya ako makita. I didn’t want him to introduce me to Congressman Ramirez or anyone in this party for that matter. I just wanted this party to be over.

“Or not a big fan of the people in this party?”

“I prefer not to answer the question.”

Then I heard him laugh a little. He must be drunk already. I’d never seen him laugh in school—ha. I’d seen him laugh once nung may sumuntok sa kanya sa hallway.

Seriously… ang dami palang insidente ng panununtok sa hallway ng college.

“One day, you’d learn to tolerate this,” he said.

“Tolerate what?”

“This,” he said, pointing at the party. “It’s a slow progress, but you’ll get there.”

“Get where?” muling tanong ko. It’s my first time talking to an actual genius… Ganito ba silang makipag-usap? It’s as if he’s always talking in riddles.

“Talking with thieves, laughing with plunderers, brushing elbows with murderers, having dinner with drug lords,” he mentioned so casually. “Speaking from experience.”

“I don’t think so.”

The side of his lips rose. “But you’re already half-way there… Charisse, right?” he asked and my forehead creased. Sorry. Eidetic memory.“

I pursed my lips.

Why was I here? I tried so hard to turn my conscience off when I’m with Iñigo and now, I was here with Maven who’s keen on playing my conscience. It’s not as if I could tell him to shut up. Not when I was perfectly aware that his guards were merely meters away from us.

“I politely ask you to shut up,” I said.

“Why? You need to learn to accept this if you want to be with Iñigo.”

“Thanks, but I can manage,” sagot ko. “I prefer you to be quiet.”

Tumawa siya. God, he must be drunk. Napa-tingin ako sa gilid niya at may isang bote nga doon na nangalahati na. Nahuli niya akong naka-tingin doon.

“My way to get through the party,” he said, pouring himself a glass. I rolled my eyes. He’s drunk. “I just want you to know what you’re getting yourself in.”

“What am I getting myself in?” I asked, humoring him because maybe he’d forget about this conversation. Besides, kausap pa rin ni Iñigo si Congressman.

“This life,” he said. “Maybe you’re telling yourself that Iñigo’s not like them… but you know what? Money is the root of all evil.”

I arched my brow. “Then you’re saying that you’re evil?”

“Maybe,” he said, downing his drink. “I’m aware I’m not exactly a good person, but like everybody else, I think I’m trying.”

Itinuro niya iyong mga tao sa loob ng ballroon. “Most of those people, they were actually nice people… but through the years, being surrounded with money and temptation… iisa lang ang bagsak nila.”

Hindi ako nagsalita. I wouldn’t talk shit about Iñigo with other people.

“If you actually care for him, pull him out of this hellhole before it’s too late,” he said, smiling before finishing his glass and leaving me in the balcony.

I saw Iñigo again and he waved at me. I forced a smile on my face until I saw people approaching him. Hindi ko napigilan na maalis ang ngiti ko nang makita ko kung sino ang mga kausap ni Iñigo. I turned my back and drank from Maven’s bottle.

God, he was right. The only way to get through this party was to be drunk.

“Okay ka lang?” Iñigo asked when he approached me.

I nodded, forcing to smile. “Ano’ng oras tayo uuwi?” I asked.

“Gusto mo na bang umuwi?”

I nodded again. “Yes, please.”

He laughed. “Lasing ka, no?” tanong niya sa akin. I nodded. God. Ano ba iyong iniinom ni Maven? Few gulps and I already felt like the whole world was spinning and the floor was dancing. “Papaalam lang ako, okay?” he asked, firmly placing his arm around my waist to stop me from falling flat on my face.

I heard Iñigo mention few names and I heard myself begging him to leave. Nang maka-rating kami sa sasakyan, hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko na itanong sa kanya habang nilalagay niya iyong seatbelt sa akin. His new Audi smelled nice.

“Are you happy?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said.

I nodded and smiled. “As long as you’re happy…” I said as I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep.

Chapter 38

#CTG38 Chapter 38

It was a slow descend, but nonetheless, it was still a descend.

My eyes followed the guards as they dragged people from the conference room. It was a normal occurrence as of the late. There was an accident in one of the buildings of the company kaya maraming ‘problema’ na kailangang ayusin. And Iñigo, being one of the people in charge with settlements, was always busy lately.

I forcefully dragged my eyes back to my desk and focused on working. Ilang linggo na lang naman at matatapos na iyong contract ko dito. I was already eyeing a law firm. Few more weeks and I wouldn’t have to witness Iñigo work because that was seriously draining.

A few more minutes, I stood up and decided to take a break on the rooftop. Papunta na sana ako doon nang mapa-hinto ako dahil nakita ko na nag-uusap sina Iñigo at ilang mga senior lawyers. He was smoking and laughing with them. Everywhere Iñigo goes, people couldn’t help but envy him. He’s undeniably good… and he works for what he has… I just wished he would take it slow. Too much of anything is dangerous.

“Update on the Velasquez case?” Atty. Calua asked.

“Okay naman, Sir. Napa-sign na ’yung settlement and NDA.”

“Sure na ba ’yan? Baka kumalat pa sa media; malaking sakit sa ulo sa PR ’yan,” Atty. Calua continued.

“Okay na talaga, Sir,” Iñigo responded, smiling and blowing his smoke.

Atty. Buenasher tapped Iñigo’s shoulder as if he was a proud father. “Malinis trumabaho ’tong si Borromeo. Siya ’yung kumausap ’dun sa huling naging problema sa Vigan.”

I quickly closed the door and walked away. I couldn’t wait to work elsewhere.

“Grabe, big time na talaga…” Lov whispered as we both watched Iñigo walk side by side with the senior lawyers in the office. It was really a sight to watch dahil mas close pa siya sa mga senior lawyers kaysa sa mga lawyers na talaga dito… To think that he’s still a graduating student.

“Bago relo ni Borromeo, oh,” Lov pointed out at the Rolex watch that Iñigo was wearing. Binigay lang naman sa kanya ’yun. I didn’t know for what reason because I try my best not to ask too many question.

“He’s working for it,” I said, defending Iñigo because as much as I wasn’t a big fan of his work, I couldn’t deny the fact that whatever he has, he’s worked for it. Kung magaling man siya sa trabaho niya, iyon ay dahil nag-aral siya nang mabuti. I seriously wished people would just make him an inspiration and not be so bitter about what he has.

“Grabe, galit ka, teh?” Lov asked, laughing. “Alam naman namin na magaling si Iñigo… Kaya lang medyo unfair pa rin kasi brods niya iyong ibang boss kaya syempre may advantage pa rin siya.”

“E ’di sana nagsorority ka rin dati para may advantage ka rin,” I replied, unable to hold back anymore because every day ever since Iñigo got the upgrade in life, I’d been hearing all kinds of things about him.

Her lips parted. And even before she could talk back, I took my bag and left. Thank god it’s already 5pm.

Mabilis akong naglakad palabas. I didn’t know kung sabay kaming aalis sa trabaho ni Iñigo dahil napapa-dalas iyong inom niya kasama iyong senior lawyers at kung sino pang mga tao. I just really wanted to get away from the office as soon as possible. I wanted to go work someplace else para hindi na ako namomroblema kay Iñigo. I just wanted to drown myself in stacks of paper.

I walked mindlessly. If I could turn my mind off, I would have a long time ago. I didn’t like where this was heading, but for some reason, I was still facing it head on. I knew that what I was doing would burn me soon, but I couldn’t find it in me to stop.

I’d been alone ever since.

I just wanted to relish being in someone’s company.

It was a stupid decision that I consciously made and would make… until I couldn’t.

Pagdating ko sa condo, I planned on just sleeping the night away. I was in no mood to do anything anymore. I kinda missed going to school because back then, I had no time to think about things… I just woke up with studying and passing in my mind.

Now, I think about lots of things.

Of Iñigo.

Of work.

Of the future.

When I heard knocks on the door, I debated if I’d open it or pretend that I was already sleeping. I was in no mood to entertain people. I was just tired… Buong araw kong naririnig iyong bagong problema sa office and even if I couldn’t see Iñigo, alam ko naman na kasama siya sa mga umaayos nun.

“You look tired,” Iñigo said when I opened the door. He planted a kiss on my forehead. I immediately saw the paper bags he was holding. “Magluluto muna ako. Ano’ng gusto mong dinner?”

I silently walked back to the sofa. Pinanood ko siya habang nilalagay niya iyong mga grocery sa cupboard at ref. Ever since he got his new ‘gig,’ lagi siyang nagdadala ng grocery sa condo… which was fair dahil madalas naman siyang kumain dito. Iñigo would sometimes hint that he’s always here and might as well dito na rin siya tumira…

But that didn’t sit well with me.

At least not yet.

I didn’t want to spend my nights watching him work. Maybe later on when I was completely desensitized and perhaps more ‘open’ with the realities of the career I chose.

“Cha,” pagtawag niya.

“Hmm?”

“Naka-usap ko ’yung Papa mo kanina…”

“What?” I asked, my forehead creased. The last time I saw my Dad was during Christmas… And even then, we didn’t talk but just civilly greeted each other. He didn’t even congratulate me after I finished the exam. Baka kakausapin niya ako kapag pumasa na ako.

“Kanina sinama kasi ako sa meeting. Tapos nandun siya kaya ayun,” he said. “Naalala niya pala na ako ’yung kasama mo dati nung bigla kang umalis sa sasakyan.”

I pursed my lips. I could still remember the reason why I got out of the car. He told me to stay away from Iñigo because he’s not good enough for him. Because he’s set on getting me together with Rhys kahit malinaw na wala akong gusto sa kanya.

“What did he say?” I asked, ready to apologize for whatever my Dad told him. I knew that my father wasn’t one to mince words when he’s displeased. I grew up listening to him telling me that I needed to do better. I grew up watching my brothers exhaust themselves just to make him proud.

But he’s still our father.

Maybe that’s his way of loving us… no matter how fucked up.

“Medyo nagulat lang siya,” sabi niya. “Inintroduce ako ni Mr. Tiu… Nung natapos ’yung meeting, tinanong ka niya sa ’kin.”

My brow arched. “What?” I asked, unable to believe that there were no words thrown.

Iñigo nodded then he began to dice the onion. “Sinabi ko na tapos ka na sa BAR and na marami kang job offers,” he said. “Mukhang proud naman siya, Cha.”

I pursed my lips. This… was weird. The last time, Dad was keen on getting Iñigo out of my life… Tapos ngayon nag-uusap sila civilly? At tinanong niya pa ako kay Iñigo?

I knew that this was good news, but for some reason, it bothered me. But I didn’t show it. Maybe I was just overthinking things. Maybe I should look at it as it was—good news. This way, Dad would stop forcing Rhys down my throat. This way, maybe we could talk again.

“Okay ka lang?” he asked.

I timidly smiled instead. Too many lies already. I didn’t want to lie about this one.

---

The next day, I forced Jax to have lunch with me kahit na nasa kabilang dulo ng Makati iyong office niya. We went to BGC for lunch because I didn’t want to risk Iñigo seeing us. It’s just weird between these two. They’re not enemies, not friends, but not exactly civil.

“Ano ’yan?” he asked when I slid a thousand-peso bill in front of him.

“Acceptance fee mo.”

“One thousand?”

“Di ka pa naman licensed,” I replied. “Now that I have paid for a privileged communication—” I said and he laughed.

“Cha, we’re friends. We can just talk.”

“Ayoko,” sagot ko. “This is… personal.”

“Still… What are friends for?”

“Just accept the payment and listen, okay?”

“Okay,” he said, leaning back against the sofa and looking at me. “What legal problem do we have today?” he asked and I rolled my eyes. This was Jax having his fun. Sometimes, he’s really an ass. Nahawa na siya kay Yago. Hindi naman siya ganito nung una ko siyang makilala. ’Di ko maintindihan kung bakit ko siya naging crush.

I drew a deep breath. “Iñigo and Dad are okay.”

“And?”

“It bothers me so much.”

“Because?”

“I don’t know. You’re my lawyer. You tell me why it’s bothering me.”

“You need a psychologist and not a lawyer, Cha,” he said. I rolled my eyes again. I wanted to talk to Maven about this because that guy was just painfully honest and I needed him to slap me with the reality that I’d been avoiding. But we’re not exactly friends… It’s not as if I could force him into having lunch with me kagaya ng ginagawa ko kay Jax.

“I know the answer… I just need to hear it from someone else,” I replied, followed by a deep sigh. Jax looked at me and gave me a small smile. I quickly told him what happened the past few weeks. It felt like a load had been lifted off my shoulders. “Bilisan mo na. Babalik pa tayo sa Makati.”

He placed his hands on the table and stared directly at me.

“You’re bothered because your Dad liking Iñigo means that Iñigo’s turning into the person that you didn’t want him to be. Although his approval was something you’ve been wanting ever since, the fact that he likes Iñigo means that Iñigo is… I don’t know… Being more like your Dad?”

I pursed my lips.

“You know I like him, right?”

“Obviously,” sagot niya.

“They say if you like someone, you have to accept the rough parts.”

“Accepting one’s flaws is different from turning a blind eye on the bad parts,” he replied, shrugging. “Accepting is different from justifying. Alam mo naman ’to, Cha. Iniiwasan mo lang.”

“Wala namang ginagawang masama si Iñigo…”

“Wala naman talaga,” sagot ni Jax. “Trabaho lang naman… Pero hindi naman iyon ang problema mo. Your problem is his lack of empathy.”

My lips parted.

That… was the word I was looking for.

“You’re also smart enough to know when something’s not right anymore,” he quickly replied. He cocked his head to the side. “I’m returning the favor you did back then…” he trailed, obviously not wanting to mention Katherine’s name. “You like Iñigo but you don’t like the person he’s turning into.”

“He’s not a criminal.”

Hindi siya agad sumagot. Naka-tingin lang siya sa akin.

“We both know that you already lost the argument before we even started,” he said. “Tell him what you’re telling me.”

I pursed my lips. How could I tell Iñigo when at the first sign of the conversation, he’s quickly accusing me of judging him?

“What if I don’t want to?”

“You’re delaying the inevitable.”

“You’re annoying.”

He laughed. “And you’re smart,” he replied. “You know what you have to do… Ayaw mo lang gawin pa. Maybe you’re still having fun—which is acceptable. We like seeing you happy. But you’ll get there. You’ll have the conversation one day and although it might not be pleasant, at least you’ll have clarity on what needs to be done. You’re from opposite sides of the spectrum. It’s a difference in principle. It’s not a problem on the surface that you can quickly resolve.”

I rolled my eyes. “Fucking cringe lines, Juan Alexandro Yuchengco.”

He shrugged. “Just giving back the favor. You were there for me then, so I’ll be here for you when if it falls apart.”

“I don’t want it to fall apart,” I quietly whispered as I played with the metal straw in my drink. Huminga ako nang malalim. “He deserves the good things from work… He’s really hard working…”

“Too fast, too soon,” Jax said.

I smiled sadly.

Iñigo and his shortcuts.

Chapter 39

#CTG39 Chapter 39

“Ms. Viste.” Agad akong napa-tingin sa tumawag sa akin. I noticed that it was Atty. Buenasher’s secretary. “Nagleave po kasi si Sir Gab kaya pinapatanong po kung pwedeng mag-assist kayo sa pagpapa-sign ng NDA ’dun sa conference room 3?”

Shit.

Nandun si Iñigo sa kabilang conference room dahil siya iyong in charge sa NDA. I wanted to decline, but it wasn’t as if I had a choice… Kaya wala akong nagawa kung hindi ang sumunod sa kanya.

Iñigo didn’t notice me getting inside the room. He was on the far side at may kausap na matandang lalaki. The old man looked confused and Iñigo was explaining something to him. How frightening must it be to be bombarded with legal terms… Kahit na ang talagang sinasabi lang naman ni Iñigo ay pirmahan na iyong papel at ’wag na ’wag magsasalita tungkol sa kung anuman ang naging problema.

Part of the job.

“Ineng…” pagtawag sa akin ng matandang babae. “Ano ba itong pinapa-pirmahan?”

I looked at the woman in front of me. She looked like the woman I saw Iñigo talked to before—actually, lahat sila halos iisa lang ang itsura. They all resembled trusting people who you could persuade with words. Ano ba naman kasi ang alam nila sa ganitong mga papel? If you’re not well-versed with the legalities, you could so easily get lost in the jargons.

‘The company is my client,’ I whispered to myself before I looked at the woman and gave her a warm smile. “Formalities lang po,” I said, pointing at the part of the paper where she needed to put her signature.

As she was signing, I did as I was trained—I told her all about the things that she’d be getting once she signed the paper… But I failed to mention all the things she couldn’t do anymore once the deal has been done.

Worse comes to worst?

It’s her fault that she didn’t read the contract thoroughly.

“Salamat, ineng,” the woman told me after she finished signing the papers. I forced a smile even though I felt so fucking horrible because I just helped the company keep thousands of pesos and depriving this old woman of the money that she deserved.

I stood up.

“Marami pa—”

“I’ll just go to the restroom,” I said, quickly standing up. Mabilis akong pumunta sa CR at naghilamos. That was just one person… Marami pa akong kakausapin. I felt like my soul was drained just from that one seemingly innocent conversation…

How the hell could Iñigo do this every day?

“Few more days…” I said like an enchantment. Ilang araw na lang, matatapos na ang kontrata ko. I’d get another job that’s far from this soul-sucking corporate job.

God, I never thought I’d actually consider doing criminal law, but I’d rather do that than to do all these lies and deception.

“Cha,” Iñigo said. Agad akong napa-tigil sa paglalakad. I looked at him with questioning eyes. “Kakausapin ko na lang sila. ’Wag ka ng mag-assist.”

“No, it’s okay.”

“Bumalik ka na lang sa cubicle mo.”

“I said I’m fine.”

He drew a deep breath. “Dun ka na—”

“Walang pakielamanan sa trabaho, ’di ba?” I retorted. Hindi ko sinasadya na magtaas ang boses ko. I just seriously wanted this day to be over. I didn’t enjoy doing this particular job, but I needed to do this.

He ran his fingers through his hair. “Okay,” he replied.

I nodded. “Okay,” I repeated his word.

“Mamaya, dinner tayo?”

“Okay,” I repeated.

He held my hands. “We’re okay… right?”

I looked at him and nodded. “Yeah.”

We’re okay. As long as I could get a new job and convince myself that Iñigo’s just working very professionally and beneath that cold exterior of his he’s still concerned about his clients, I’d be okay.

Sabay kaming bumalik sa conference room at pinagpatuloy iyong ginagawa namin. At the end of the day, I felt like my soul was burned to the ground. I felt so awful lying straight at those people’s faces. They didn’t know what they’re signing.

This job sucked.

---

“Cha,” Iñigo said. We were in some fancy restaurant and we just ordered a steak that cost a few days’ hard work. “Nakita ko ulit ’yung Papa mo… Tinatanong niya kung gusto mo raw magdinner sa bahay niyo sa isang araw. Birthday daw ni Chase.”

I grabbed the glass and drank it all. “Okay.”

“Okay ka lang ba?” he asked.

“Sure.”

I signaled the waiter to refill my glass. This would be a long night kung pag-uusapan namin ni Iñigo ang tatay ko. I wasn’t exactly the biggest fan of their newfound friendship. It was obvious that Dad only ‘approved’ of Iñigo now because he’s basically like all his friends.

“Ano’ng ibibigay nating regalo kay Chase?”

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. “Natin?”

He gave me an uneasy smile. He scratched the back of his head like he’s real nervous. It was a far cry from the Iñigo from the conference room—the one who could lie flawlessly in front of those helpless people.

“Cha,” he said, “Ayoko na nung ganito na walang label. Hindi ko alam kung ano tayong dalawa. Kapag tinatanong ako, hindi ko alam kung ano iyong tamang sagot.”

I downed the glass again.

“We’re basically together… Why don’t we just make it formal?” he asked, looking directly into my eyes. He reached for my hand that was on the table and held it. I looked at him and—

“No.”

It was an easy answer for me.

But it was difficult for him to comprehend.

“No?” tanong niya na parang hindi maka-paniwala.

“I’m okay with what we have,” I replied. I didn’t want to elaborate. I didn’t want to discuss how I didn’t want to be in a formal relationship with him when I was starting to question his fucking morality.

One day in that fucking conference room and I felt like my soul was already burning in fucking hell.

And he’s been doing that for years… Without blinking his eyes…

How… could I be with someone like that?

“What we have?” he asked. “You mean all sex and no label?”

“Yes.”

His jaw clenched and he reached for his glass of wine and drank it in one go. “Tungkol na naman ’to sa trabaho ko?”

“Yes.”

He ran his fingers through his hair with palpable frustration. “Trabaho lang ’yun, Cha!” he said in controlled tone. We were surrounded with people and we were about to be in our biggest fight yet.

“It being your work is one thing, but you actually believing that it’s just work is another,” I calmly said. “I don’t like who you’re becoming, Iñigo Borromeo.”

It felt as though a boulder had been lifted off my chest.

I didn’t like what he’s becoming.

I hated it.

“Bakit? Ano na ba ako, Cha?”

“Please don’t ask me,” I pleaded.

“No, tell me,” he responded.

“Iñigo—”

“Nakaka-disappoint na ba talaga ako, Cha?” tanong niya sa mas mababang boses. His voice cracked a bit. “Akala ko naiintindihan mo ko? Tapos na tayo sa ganito, ’di ba? Alam mo naman—”

“If I don’t care about you, then I wouldn’t be this bothered, Iñigo. This is not how it’s supposed to be. Hindi ganyan kabilis. Hindi ganyan kadami. You know it yourself. Ang dami nilang binibigay sa ’yo… Hindi ka ba nagtataka?”

He fisted his hand. “I work for it.”

“You work your fucking conscience for it.”

“Why can’t you just be happy for me, Cha?”

Huminga ako nang malalim. “Para akong nakikipag-usap sa pader,” sabi ko bago mabilis na tumayo. I quickly grabbed my bag and headed outside. I was fucking done with this day.

I didn’t even get far when Iñigo grabbed my arm and made me face him. I quickly pushed him away from me.

“Don’t fucking grab me like that!” I hissed.

“Ano ba’ng problema mo?!”

“Talk to me when you’re ready to listen. Hindi ’yung pakiramdam mo lagi kang kinakawawa,” I shot back at him before I turned my back and quickly walked away. But Iñigo followed suit. Ramdam ko ang bawat hakbang niya sa likod ko.

“Ilang beses ko bang ipapaliwanag na trabaho lang ’yun?! Tangina naman, ako lang ba gumagawa ng ganon?!”

I closed my eyes and drew a deep breath. I quickly bit my tongue. I had so many things to say, but I didn’t want to say the words. The moment I say those things, I could never take them back.

“Pinag-aralan naman natin sa school ’yun, Cha! Na lahat may karapatan na ipagtanggol! Kasalanan ko ba na ’yung kliyente ko ’yung kumpanya? Kasalanan ko ba?!”

I walked faster. If I could fucking portal myself into another place, I gladly would.

“Nagta-trabaho lang naman ako para sa ’kin, para sa ’tin, para hindi na magalit sa ’yo ’yung Papa mo dahil kasama kita—”

I stopped and faced him.

“Don’t fucking make this about me because I didn’t ask you to sell your soul to the fucking devil,” I told him.

His face showed how surprised he was that I actually told him what I was thinking. But it’s been months and weeks of watching him do this thing day after day… He’s been doing the same work like it’s nothing and he’d go to me like everything’s normal…

Who’s to say who’s the real him?

“So, lahat ng defense lawyer, binenta na ’yung kaluluwa, ganon ba, Cha?”

I pursed my lips. “God, you’re infuriating!”

“And you’re fucking judgmental!”

We stared at each other, both breathing heavily. I could feel my eyes starting to sting at the disappointment that I was feeling. I felt like I was already too late… That he’s already been enticed by all the things he could get just by simply turning a blind eye.

Mabilis kong pinunasan iyong luha ko bago pa man siya tumulo.

“I don’t want to be with you if you’re like this, Iñigo.”

His eyes began to water.

This night sucked.

“Ayaw mo na ba sa ’kin?” mahinang tanong niya.

I wanted to nod.

But I couldn’t just walk away.

“I like you a lot,” I said. “But I don’t want to be more. I don’t want to be your girlfriend. I don’t want to care more. I don’t want to be worried more. I don’t want to look after you more. I don’t want to have a say in your life.”

Tumingin siya sa akin.

Ang lungkot ng mga mata niya.

“Ano’ng gusto mong mangyari?” tanong niya.

“I don’t know…” I replied, looking into his eyes. “I’m sorry I ruined your birthday.”

Ngumiti siya at pinahid iyong mga mata. “Does this mean we won’t talk again? Kagaya ng dati?”

“We can be friends…” I offered.

“I can’t be just friends with you, Cha,” he replied.

I smiled. “You’ll miss the sex?”

He laughed. “So much.”

I took a step and wrapped my arms around his body.

“Happy birthday,” I whispered against his chest. “We’ll figure something out.”

Chapter 40

#CTG40 Chapter 40

“Cha, patulong naman ’dun sa Benitez case, if okay lang.”

I nodded and proceeded to look for the Benitez case under the pile of cases on the table. I could feel the ache on my back, but it was okay. This work felt rewarding. I felt like I was doing a good thing and I was good with that.

Nang makita ko iyong folder ay agad kong binasa iyon. I’d been ‘helping’ here for a week now. Nang matapos iyong contract ko ay nagpaalam na ako agad. I didn’t even think twice when they offered me more money because I just… didn’t care much about that at that time. All I knew was that I needed to find a purpose. I felt so tired and exhausted and I needed to find a reason on why I should keep on pursuing this field.

And then I found this place.

Granted that they could only give me allowance and I was overworked most of the time, it’s okay. I felt like we’re doing a really good thing and it’s very fulfilling.

Hindi ko na rin masyadong nakikita pa si Iñigo. After the talk that we had, it’s been silently decided that it’s better if we didn’t see each other for a while. I just couldn’t give him what he wanted… I couldn’t be with him because we see things so differently. He wanted different things in life and I just couldn’t force myself any longer to get on board with that.

I realized that I couldn’t force him to see things my way.

Maybe my way was wrong.

Maybe his was the right one.

Either way, it’s only him who could decide for himself.

---

I normally didn’t like to drink because it’s just a way to give myself a headache the following morning… but after reading the Benitez case and after the interview, I couldn’t help but want to drown myself in alcohol.

“Cha!” Napa-tingin ako sa tumawag sa akin. My forehead creased upon seeing Lui. He was holding a glass of what looked like whiskey. “Thought I was so drunk for a second there,” sabi niya at saka naupo sa bakanteng pwesto sa tabi ko. “What brings you here?” he asked.

I shrugged and played with the glass I was holding. Kanina ko pa hawak ito pero wala pa rin akong naiinom… Paulit-ulit kong naaalala iyong pinag-usapan namin kanina.

“Trouble in paradise?” he asked.

“Why are you here?” I asked back.

“Relax lang. Nakaka-pagod, e,” he said, smiling. “Bakit ka nga nandito? Never ka namang sumama sa amin kapag inaaya ka.”

Bakit naman kasi ako sasama sa kanila? They’d ask to drink in the middle of the fucking week. It’s really a wonder kung paano naka-graduate si Lui nang may hangover most of the time. It’s a talent, really.

“I’m just tired, too.”

“Sure,” he said, and then took a sip. “But humor me… hypothetically, what’s the reason for your being here?”

I felt my shoulders sag as I stared at the glass in front of me. I really wanted to drink… but at the same time, I knew that there’s work tomorrow and a lot of people were counting on me.

Tumingin ako kay Lui. He looked drunk. Baka ’di niya na maalala ’tong sasabihin ko.

“Hypothetically,” I began. He looked really interested. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. Bakit ba puro chismoso ang mga lalaki sa paligid ko? “If the person you is fundamentally different from you… what’s the next step?”

Lui cocked his head to the side as if he’s thinking deeply about the question I just posed. It reminded me of how he usually recited in class. He’d usually take a few seconds bago magsalita—like he’s seriously thinking but I bet nahihilo lang siya dahil lasing siya.

“Do I really like this girl?”

“Yes.”

“Like her enough to consider being in a relationship?”

“I suppose so.”

“But the difference is fundamental?”

“Yes.”

He put the glass on the counter and turned his body so he was wholly facing me. “Then I guess I’ll just enjoy her company. Just because I like her doesn’t mean I have to be in a relationship with her.”

“Right. Puro ka fling.”

Tumawa siya. “Ang judger, Cha,” sabi niya. “Kapag nagka-girlfriend ako, syempre seseryosohin ko ’yun… Kaya nga wala kasi wala pa akong nahahanap na seryoso talaga,” he continued. “I’ll just enjoy and see where things will go… Malay ko ba kung sa future mag-iba iyong perspective ko o kung mag-iba iyong sa kanya?”

Hindi ako nagsalita.

“I won’t close the door and just let things run their course,” he finally said before raising his glass and downing his drink.

---

At the end of the week, I sent a text to Iñigo asking if he’s free to see me. I immediately received a text asking kung saan at kailan. Kaya naman maaga akong nagsabi na aalis ako—usually ay late na ako nakaka-uwi dahil sa dami ng trabaho.

Iñigo was already there when I arrived. Humigpit ang hawak ko sa envelope na dala ko. He waved at me and smiled. I smiled at him, too. God, I missed him.

Agad siyang tumayo nang malapit na ako.

“Can I hug you?” he asked.

“Sure,” I replied, feeling weird that he had to ask that when we’d done more than that already… But maybe like me, he was in a weird place, too. After our conversation last time, it was unclear where we’re standing on.

We ordered food first. Medyo nailang ako dahil ramdam na ramdam ko ang mga mata sa akin ni Iñigo.

“Iñigo,” I said after a while.

“Yes?” he replied softly. He was still unabashedly looking at me. He wasn’t even trying to hide it. Napa-abot ako sa baso sa harapan ko at mabilis na ininom iyong tubig.

“I’ve thought about us,” I began and his eyes suddenly became alert. I could feel the tension coming from his side… It was as if I could hear his heart beating loudly, waiting for what I was about to say next. “I really like you—”

“I like you a lot,” he said, cutting me off.

I smiled. Sadly. Why was this so hard?

“We talked about our differences and honestly, I don’t want to fight about that anymore… but I also want you in my life still…”

He nodded. “I want that, too.”

Huminga ako nang malalim.

I grabbed the envelope that was resting on my lap and slid it over to his side. Kumunot ang noo niya habang naka-tingin doon.

“What… is this?” he asked, looking at me with confusion written all over his face. Hindi agad ako nakapagsalita. He took that as a sign to open the folder and read the content for himself. I saw how his face went from confusion to irritation—on how his jaw clenched with visible displeasure.

Ibinaba niya iyong papel.

“I want a real relationship, Cha,” he said with controlled anger. “I’m done with your fucking contract. ’Di naman tayo bata.”

Huminga ako nang malalim.

Hindi pa rin mahanap iyong tamang salita.

“What the hell is this even?” he asked, holding the revised contract. “That I’m allowed to kiss you, hold you, touch you, sleep with you—as long as I don’t do it in public places? And I’m not allowed to ask you personal things? Ano’ng kagaguhan ’to?”

I drew a deeper breath.

I needed to let him air his sentiment out. Hindi pwede na pareho kaming mainit ang ulo. Mauuwi na naman ’to sa sigawan na nangyari sa amin dati.

And that resolved nothing.

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t agree.”

“It’s either that… or nothing.”

His jaw clenched again. He briefly closed his eyes as he drew a deep breath. “I’m already 25 years old, Cha. And you want me to what? Play with you?”

Tinawag ko iyong waiter at humingi ng tubig. I had to breathe calmly and be as rational as level headed as I could be.

“Don’t look at it that way,” I said.

“How to look at it?” he asked in a taunting tone.

How… would I be with him when he’s always so quick to dismiss whatever I say? Na parang ako iyong kalaban niya? Na parang siya lang ang tama palagi?

“Setting limits, Iñigo,” I calmly replied. “You always get mad when I comment on your work—”

I saw the flick of anger cross his eyes when his work was mentioned yet again.

Paulit-ulit.

Bakit ko ba siya sobrang gusto?

“This way, we’re both legally obligated to stay on our lanes,” I continued. Nanatili akong naka-tingin sa kanya. This was the only way I could see us continuing this… whatever this was. I couldn’t do it like Lui—I couldn’t just enjoy Iñigo’s company recklessly. I wouldn’t always be able to restrain myself whenever I see him digging his grave deeper… habang palalim nang palalim iyong utang na loob niya.

I was just staring at him, counting the seconds when the food arrived.

“Think about it,” I said before I let silence dominate once again.

Pilit akong kumain kahit na hindi gumagalaw si Iñigo sa harap ko. He was just staring at the papers in front of him. I really didn’t know what would happen tonight, but I knew I should do this. Para alam ko kung ano iyong mangyayari.

So that whenever I miss him, I’ll know what I’ll do.

“Are you done?” he asked when I finished my last piece.

Tumango ako habang hinihintay ang susunod niyang sasabihin. But instead of saying something, he called the waiter and ask for the receipt. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko. I was just waiting for him—for what he wanted to do.

When the waiter returned, he looked at the receipt and pulled a few blue bills from his wallet and borrowed the waiter’s pen. My lips parted when he angrily signed each page of the contract.

And when he was done, he looked at me and said, “Let’s go to my condo.”

I blinked a few times, still a bit confused about what’s happening, but then Iñigo stood up and looked at me as if he was impatiently waiting for me to stand up, too.

“Let’s go,” he repeated.

Loss for words, I stood up and carried my bag with me. Tahimik akong naka-sunod kay Iñigo. Tahimik din akong sumakay sa sasakyan niya. Tahimik ako hanggang maka-rating kami sa bagong tinitirhan niya.

The contract was signed.

It was binding.

I could not comment about anything that’s related to his work.

So, I kept my mouth shut.

His unit was situated on the higher floor of the high-end building. He must be really

good at his job to get such perks. Nang maka-labas kami sa elevator ay naka-sunod ako sa kanya hanggang huminto kami sa harap ng unit. But before he could open the door, he looked at me.

“You know I’d rather be your boyfriend than basically your fuck buddy, right?” tanong niya.

Hindi ako sumagot.

Ano’ng sasabihin ko?

He opened the door and I followed him. Tahimik akong naka-tingin habang isa-isa niyang tinatanggal ang butones sa suot niya. I stood on one side, unable to move.

“What?” he asked when he noticed how I was frozen on one spot.

My lips just parted in response.

He continued to unbutton his polo and then threw it on the couch. Unti-unti siyang humakbang palapit sa akin. He stopped just right in front of me. I could see his hands slightly shaking as he touched my face.

“I wish…” he said, his eyes boring a hole on mine. “I wish you can just like me for me…” he continued before his lips covered mine and I tasted blood in my mouth.

Chapter 41

#CTG41 Chapter 41

I remained silent as I was trying to fix my top. I could hear Iñigo trying to buckle his belt. Naka-tingin lang ako sa harapan ko. I wanted to speak up about what he’s doing—about him getting out of his way to… punish me. But this was what I signed up for.

Nakita ko siyang tumingin sa relo niya.

“Lunch time’s almost over.”

I grabbed the bag from the front seat bago ko binuksan iyong pinto. I dusted myself before I made my way towards work.

Pagdating ko sa trabaho ay mabilis na nawala sa isip ko si Iñigo. I was drowning in things that I needed to read that the thought of him quickly vanished…

And it certainly didn’t help that he’s always kicking me out of his car every time he’d get off. He’s just trying so hard at being an asshole.

“Guys…” pagtawag ni Wilson. Agad kaming napa-tingin sa kanya. “Lumabas na ’yung result nung appeal…” he continued. We were all looking at him, waiting for him to say something, anything. “Na-grant ’yung appeal.”

Mabilis akong naka-rinig ng sigawan ng mga tao. Granted there could still be an appeal to the SC, but this was still a win… And every little victory deserves to be celebrated. Hindi pa ako masyadong matagal dito pero nararamdaman ko iyong saya nila. I knew that with every case, they invest everything they got… Kasi hindi lang naman simpleng papel ang hawak namin—we, somehow, control people’s lives… and that’s pretty scary, but that’s what we signed up for.

After congratulating Wilson, mabilis kaming bumalik sa trabaho. There were still people that needed defending—and that’s what we’re here for.

Nang papatapos na ang trabaho ay nakita ko na nagtext sa akin si Iñigo. He was asking me if I was free after work—which was weird because he basically made it his mission to only see me during lunch time para isang oras lang kaming magkasama. He’s really taking the parameters I set way too seriously.

I was about to text him that I was free when Wilson asked me kung gusto kong sumama sa kanila. They’d be having a dinner in order to celebrate the granting of the appeal. I pursed my lips. I wanted to see Iñigo… but I also wanted to celebrate with them…

To: Mr. Borromeo

Sorry. Work.

“Okay,” I told Wilson before hitting send.

Nang matapos na kaming lahat sa trabaho—matapos ang pilitan dahil may iba na ayaw sumama dahil mas gusto nilang tapusin iyong ginagawa nila, which was impressive because their commitment to this cause was something—naka-rating na rin kami sa resto. It wasn’t some expensive restaurant. There wasn’t even a menu handed out—kinailangan pa naming pumunta sa harap para basahin kung ano ang meron and we had to individually place our orders.

But it was a nice change of pace.

The people I work with now were much simpler… dahil halos wala na rin naman kaming sinu-sweldo. Almost all the cases we handle were pro-bono.

But they’re really nice and helpful people and I respect them all so much.

There was a pares available and I got that. At least kahit hindi ko kasama si Iñigo ay parang nandito na rin siya.

While waiting for the food to be served ay nag-usap sila tungkol sa isang case na hindi ako masyadong familiar dahil matagal na nilang inaayos ’yun bago pa man ako pumasok. But I sat there, listening to all their opinions… They’re certainly smart people. If they wanted, they could definitely land high paying corporate jobs. Pero nandito sila.

I guess at the end of the day, it really boils down to personal choice.

“Guys…” Trina said, her hands placed over her mouth nang magsimula kaming kumanta ng Happy Birthday para sa kanya. Wilson, who excused himself earlier, came back carrying a chocolate cake. It was just a small cake. Naiiyak si Trina habang tinanggap iyon. She made a wish before blowing the candle and then hugging and kissing Wilson.

I want… something like that.

---

“Cha, may naghahanap sa ’yo sa labas.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Okay…” I replied before putting down the paper that I was reading. I was feeling restless. There were rumors na any day daw ngayon ay lalabas na iyong resulta ng BAR exam. There were also rumors na ngayon daw iyong pinaka-mababa na passing rate. There were all kinds of rumors and it was making me go insane.

Mabilis akong naglakad palabas. As much as I wanted to stay here, the allowance they were giving me wouldn’t be enough to support myself. Even my condo rent wouldn’t be covered with the allowance.

I wanted to pass the BAR… but more importantly, I wanted to top the BAR. More opportunities await those who top that fucking exam.

My lips parted when I saw Iñigo leaning against the post outside the building. He looked so… out of place. He now looked like he belongs in those highrise buildings—sa suot pa lang niya at sa sasakyan na minamaneho niya.

“Let’s have lunch,” he said.

“I can’t,” I truthfully said. Dahil aalis na ako next week ay inaayos ko na iyong mga naka-assign sa akin para maayos ang transition. I knew that my officemates already had enough on their plate so I wanted to finish everything para hindi na sila mahirapan pa.

“One hour lang?” tanong niya.

Sinusubukan ko naman na magkita kami pero ewan ko…

I just wasn’t that excited to see him anymore.

I was happy when I was with him, but when he’s not around, it’s okay… There wasn’t a void anymore.

And I wasn’t sure what changed.

All I knew was that the night I saw Wilson gave that cake to Trina, it was like something inside me lightened up—na pwede pala ’yung ganon…

Hindi pala dapat toxic palagi.

Kasi ang hirap na nga ng trabaho namin… pati ba naman sa relasyon mahihirapan pa rin ako?

And he’s not changing…

And I wasn’t changing…

No one wanted to compromise.

Saan kami mauuwi nito?

“May tinatapos kasi ako,” sabi ko sa kanya.

“Kahit 20 minutes?”

“Iñigo—”

“Please? I miss you.”

My lips parted.

I… didn’t expect that. Hindi na kami madalas magkita. We’re working in different places. We’re both extremely busy.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I know that’s a violation of the provision,” he said and then took a step to get closer to me. “But it’s true, anyway… I miss you, Charisse Faith.”

He was staring at me.

Like he wanted to pull me close.

But there’s a line he’s not crossing.

“Okay. 20 minutes.”

He smiled. I saw him fist his knuckle. And then his eyes kind of sparkled.

Tumingin siya sa paligid. Fast food lang ang malapit sa office ko. Kumakain pa kaya siya sa ganoon? Looking at him now, he’s so different from the Iñigo I first met years before.

“Tara,” sabi niya at hinawakan ang kamay ko.

We went to the nearest fastfood and he ordered more than what we could eat. I thought he’d want to talk, but he’s just really staring at me.

“Stop that,” I said.

“What?”

“You’re staring.”

“Ang hirap mo kasing kitain.”

“Busy nga kasi ako.”

“Busy din naman ako, pero kapag gusto ko, may paraan.”

Silence.

“Palabas na raw iyong sa BAR.”

“I know.”

“May plan ka na ba?”

“Yes.”

Silence.

“Pwede ko bang malaman?”

I looked at him and he looked genuinely curious.

“I’m considering some firms,” I began. “But we’ll see once the results are out.”

I didn’t want to be too hopeful. Baka mababa nag score ko. Baka hindi ako pumasa. O baka topnotcher ako. I’d never really know. Ayoko munang isipin.

“Sa Sunday midnight daw lalabas…”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, sabi sa akin.”

Free kaya sila Jax nun? Puntahan kaya namin si Rory sa Pangasinan?

“Cha—”

I wasn’t able to look at him because I felt the phone inside my pocket vibrate. Mabilis ko iyong kinuha at tinignan.

“Sorry, hinahanap na ako,” I said, standing up. I grabbed the burger that was still untouched. Wala akong pagkain mamaya. Sayang naman. “Thanks for this,” I said, kissing his cheek before I rushed back into the office.

---

“What… happened to you?”

Napa-hawak ako sa buhok ko. “Why?”

I got a short bob. It’s easier this way. Hindi magastos sa conditioner. Wala talaga akong pera nitong mga naka-raang linggo dahil wala akong sweldo.

Umiling siya. “Nothing… You just look different.”

I shrugged as we ordered coffee and bread before proceeding to the Supreme Court. It’s probably easier to just wait at home and read the results through the Internet, but we promised from way before that when the results arrived, sabay-sabay naming hihintayin ang pangalan namin habang nagfa-flash sa screen sa harap ng Supreme Court.

“Try calling Rory again,” Jax said.

We went to Pangasinan yesterday to drag Rory back to Manila, but we couldn’t find her… Kaya naman bumalik kami sa Manila ng hindi siya kasama. Si Yago naman—he needed to take the BAR again because he forfeited his chance when he didn’t attend the second week.

I was really looking forward to this… Kaming dalawa lang pala ni Jax ang matutuloy.

It was almost 12 at night but I couldn’t still contact Rory. Wala na kaming nagawa at dumiretso na kami sa Supreme Court. We sat on one side while anxiously waiting for the results. Nakaka-kaba pa rin kahit alam mong ginawa mo naman na lahat.

“Kinakabahan ka?” I asked Jax.

“Yeah.”

“For sure topnotcher ka.”

Sasagot pa sana si Jax nang biglang magka-gulo sa paligid namin. Nagsimula na iyong presentation. Ramdam ko iyong panlalamig sa buong katawan ko.

Tumayo kami ni Jax at lumapit sa gitna. Huminga ako nang malalim. Pakiramdam ko ay matutumba ako sa sobrang hilo.

Shit.

Five years of my life.

It all boiled down to this.

“Holy—”

Jax enveloped me into a hug.

“Congrats, Ms. Top 8,” Jax said, laughing as he was shaking nervously. I guess even someone as smart as him ay kinabahan pa rin sa resulta.

I bit my lower lip. God… Was I really crying?

“Thank you,” I said. “Mas mataas ka kaya—”

Pero napa-tigil ako sa sasabihin ko nang mapansin ko si Katherine na naka-tayo sa isang gilid. She was looking at us while holding a bouquet in her hands.

I took a step back and excused myself.

I hope Jax could lower his pride this time.

---

The offers came in like a flood.

Jax already knew where he wanted to work so he accepted the offer without hesitation… and now, we’re here at his condo for his housewarming slash birthday dahil kuripot siya.

Rory wasn’t here. I didn’t even know if she already knew that she passed the BAR. Hindi siya nagpaparamdam.

“This is sad,” sabi ko sa kanya. Kaming dalawa lang ang nandito. Tatlo lang naman kasi talaga ang kaibigan niya—nasa US iyong isa, tapos iyong isa hindi mahanap.

Jax shrugged. “Maingay kapag marami.”

I nodded. He’s right.

While Jax was trying to cook something, the phone rang.

“Good evening. Sa lobby po ’to. May nagrerequest po kasi ng access. Katherine Arellano raw po.”

Shit.

Hindi ako nakapagsalita. What would I even do? The last time, during the results, I saw Katherine weep at whatever Jax told her… And looking at Jax, it seemed like he’s really not the kind of person who’d change his mind easily.

“Jax,” I called while he’s trying to boil pasta.

“What?”

Huminga ako nang malalim.

“Nasa baba si Katherine.”

Nakita ko siyang natigilan ng sandali.

But only for a split second.

Because right after, he’s back to boiling those damned pasta.

“Papa-akyatin ko ba?”

Hindi siya sumagot.

Damn stubborn guy.

At least be a man and tell her face to face that it’s over para matapos na at makapagsimula na silang pareho.

---

I accidentally fell asleep on Jax’s couch. He was still sleeping when I decided to leave. Pagbaba ko sa lobby ay natigilan ako nang makita ko si Katherine na natutulog sa couch… while holding a box of cake.

This was stupid.

Utterly stupid.

But I didn’t have the heart to wake her up. I just wished she’d stop this because it’s saddening… Nakaka-awa na siya sa ginagawa niya para kay Jax… Gusto ko silang magbati pero parang impossible na sa ngayon dahil ayaw talaga ni Jax. It would take something drastic for him to talk to her.

I still felt guilty for what happened back then…

But at that time, it was for the best.

Pero iyong desisyon nila ngayon, that’s on them.

---

Nang maka-balik ako sa condo ay naging busy na ako sa pag-sagot sa mga email sa akin. I replied to a lot of congratulatory message from my blockmates and former workmates and brothers and an email from my college asking me if I wanted a teaching job.

None from my father.

Baka dahil hindi ako top 1.

But I shouldn’t dwell on that.

I passed… and topped.

This was the dream.

I was in the middle of doing my research on one of the firms when my phone vibrated.

From: Mr. Borromeo

Free today? I wanna congratulate you in person.

From: Mr. Borromeo

Kahit 20 mins lang.

To: Mr. Borromeo

Busy

From: Mr. Borromeo

Punta ko sa condo mo. Kahit sa coffee shop sa baba lang. Please.

Huminga ako nang malalim bago pumayag. Nagpalit ako ng damit. I only wore a black leggings and white shirt and carried my laptop bag. I was in no mood to get out today. I wanted to read the offers and bask in my success. Dahil kapag tinanggap ko na ang trabaho ay tuluy-tuloy na iyon.

Pagdating ko sa coffee shop ay nandun na agad si Iñigo. Ang bilis naman.

“Hi,” I greeted.

“Hi,” he greeted back.

He already had a coffee in front of him. He was saying something but I was looking at the menu, trying to figure out if today’s the day that I’d try something else other than iced Americano.

“I’m done. Ayoko na. Itigil na natin,” Iñigo suddenly said. Agad akong napa-tingin. “I barely even see you anymore.”

My face was filled with confusion for a moment before I figured out what he was trying to say.

I looked at him and nodded. “Okay.”

His jaw clenched like he didn’t like what he heard from me. What was he expecting? That I’d beg him to stay? Why would I? I perfectly knew what I got myself into.

“That’s it? Hindi mo man lang ako pipigilan?”

“Ano ka? Bata?”

His lips parted at my response. I reached for my bag and was preparing to leave. I shouldn’t even be here with him. Ayoko na nakikita kami sa publikong lugar. Hindi naman sa nakakahiya siya kasama, pero ayoko lang na makita kaming magkasama. The law community is surprisingly small… Ang bilis kumalat ng balita.

And Iñigo… had a reputation.

“It was nice while it lasted, Iñigo,” I said before I stood up and left. Mabilis kong inisip kung ano ba iyong mga dapat kong gawin ngayong araw. I just passed the BAR and I had five job offers from law firms. I wanted to study them well because when I commit to something, I give it my one hundred percent. Ayoko lang na mapunta ako sa trabaho na hindi ko gusto.

I was doing a mental list of the pros of accepting the offer from the Palma & Palma Law Firm when I felt someone holding my arm. Agad akong napa-hinto.

“What?” I asked him.

“Seriously? You won’t even ask me why?” he asked, frustrated.

“No. You asked. I gave you what you want. Ang gulo mo.”

He was breathing deeply. I could see it by the aggressive rising and falling of his shoulders. I could never understand him… But maybe it’s because I never really did try… anymore. I knew this was just a temporary arrangement.

“My God!” he exclaimed.

“What do you want?”

“I want you to fight for me!”

Natawa ako. “Seriously?”

“Shit, Cha! Robot ka ba?!”

Hindi ko mapigilan ang pagtawa ko. Was he seriously mad at me for giving him what he wanted? Siya itong nagsabi na ayaw niya na… tapos magagalit siya sa akin at sasabihin na gusto niyang ipaglaban ko siya?

I wanted out.

I was just waiting for him to say it first.

“You said you’re done—”

“I’m done with this game! I want this to be real!”

I pursed my lips as I stared at him. “But I don’t want that.”

I used to think that he’s the best…

But I’d seen better.

I wanted better.

I didn’t want to compromise everything I stand for just to be with him. That’s unfair. That’s me changing everything I believe in just so I could accomodate him into my life.

And it’s not supposed to be like that.

I thought it’s supposed to be like that.

But it’s not…

I’d seen relationship—healthy ones. Not the toxic one that we had. That’s not what I want in the long haul. I didn’t want to end up one day hating him. Kasi nararamdaman ko na roon na ako papunta.

His lips parted. He looked so surprise. Did he really think that I feel something for him? After all this time? Malinaw naman ’yung usapan namin. Hindi naman kami batang dalawa.

“Do you want me to forward to you the copy of the contract? The one that you signed? And I got notarized?”

“What the fuck?! You got that notarized?!”

I nodded. “Yes. Do you want me to send you a copy? Para maalala mo kung ano ’yung usapan?”

He combed his fingers through his hair with palpable frustration. I could never really understand men… They’re weird… They do one thing and mean another. I wish they’d just tell me what they really want. I hate wasting time like this.

“Charisse Faith Viste,” he said, staring into my eyes. “Date me. Please.”

“No.”

Why does he like making me repeat myself? I already turned him down before… Why was he asking the same question again? Wala namang nagbago sa sitwasyon naming dalawa. Ganoon pa rin ako… Ganoon pa rin siya… Kaya bakit magbabago ang sagot ko?

“Why not?!”

“I don’t like you that way.”

“Why? Because of Jax?! For god’s sake, he’s still not over Kitty!”

Agad na kumunot ang noo ko.

Why… was he involving Jax?

“No,” I calmly replied.

“Then why?”

I looked at him.

He’s everything I hated.

His shortcuts… I hated that. I work hard for everything that I have. I hate how he’s using the easy way to get through law school. I hate how he’s using the ‘it’s just work’ card every time he knew himself that he’s doing something questionable.

I didn’t want to defend him against myself forever.

This was the only option.

At kung ayaw niya na… then it’s been fun while it lasted.

But I didn’t want to tell him that. I valued him enough not to be brutally honest with him. Mabait si Iñigo…

So I wanted to hear it come from him.

That we’re ending this.

“I just don’t see a future, that’s all,” I said as I looked at my phone. I needed to finish my research. I didn’t want to go to the interview unprepared. I still needed to read about the history of the firm, the vision, the mission, who the partners are. I needed to study. Not studying would give me anxiety.

“That future again! Can’t you just worry about now?”

“No, sorry,” I replied. “Are you done?”

He didn’t say a word, but he continued to stare at me. I didn’t know what was going on in his head. Why was he doing this? The last time I checked, he had a list of girls who were willing to have this ‘relationship’ with him. Lalo na ngayong marami na siyang pera. Isang beses na akong nasabunutan dahil sa kanya. Isang beses nasampal. Isang beses natapunan ng frappe.

There’s no shortage of girls for Iñigo Borromeo.

I didn’t even know why he’s making a fuss over this. He didn’t even give me a second glance nung una niya akong nakita.

“No, I’m not yet done,” he said.

“Please say what you need to say, may gagawin—”

But my words were cut off when he kissed me. In public. This is against the contract!

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Atty. Viste,” he said, caressing the side of my lips with his thumb. He was smiling. I couldn’t move. “I’ll pick you up after my review, okay?”

He was already leaving, but I managed to shout, “No!”

He waved his hand and shouted as he was walking away. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Wear something nice.”

Chapter 42

#CTG42 Chapter 42

“What—”

“I waited for two hours—”

“I didn’t agree—”

“You didn’t disagree either—”

“Silence cannot be construed as consent. Are you a law-maker now? Did you amend the law—”

But I wasn’t able to finish what I was saying because he quickly pulled me and wrapped his arms around me. I felt him relaxing as he rested his chin on top of my head.

“Why are you so stubborn?” he whispered. “Why can’t you just let me see you?”

Nanatili lang akong naka-tayo roon. Paulit-ulit. I knew he liked me—the feeling was mutual… but that wasn’t the problem and he knew that. We’re just running in circle here.

“Cha,” pagtawag niya.

“What?”

“Graduation ko sa June… Tinatanong na ako kung ilang ticket ’yung bibilin ko…”

I pursed my lips.

“Do you want me to come?”

“Of course.”

“You’re just making this harder—”

“I know,” he said, cutting me off. “I know what your problem is with me… And believe me, I’m trying my best to fix that…”

I remained silent.

If it only were that easy…

But I was pretty sure that he already signed the contract and he’s legally obligated to stay in the company. Unless he wanted to violate his contract, there’s pretty much nothing he could do…

And I couldn’t blame him for that.

The choice had already been made.

“Is that enough?” he asked, barely audibly.

I remained silent. I didn’t want to make promises. I knew I liked him… but I also knew that I didn’t want to be in a relationship with him…

I felt like I was finally exposed to a different environment—one that made me see what I really wanted to have. I’d been able to live a comfortable life for a long time, but that didn’t really make me happy. That made me feel so inadequate…

But Iñigo? He’d had a hard life. He’s taking everything back right now. And that’s his decision. Tanggap ko na.

At the end of the day, we wanted different things.

I wanted to be just friends, but I knew that he’d never go for it. Sinabi niya na sa akin iyon. That I could never be just his friend… And I didn’t know what his plan was, but that’s not my problem anymore. I was about to start the next chapter of my life—me being a lawyer. I needed to focus all my energy on that and that alone.

When Iñigo released me from his hug, I grabbed the key at lumabas ako. Naka-sunod lang siya sa akin. I felt bad that he waited for me, but I really didn’t agree to his forced invitation. Sinabi ko naman sa kanya na marami akong kailangang gawin dahil may mga job interview na ako.

Sometimes, I really did think that he has selective listening.

“Please get a haircut,” I said because I noticed that his hair was already long. He’d always had that clean cut. Medyo mahaba na iyong buhok niya.

“Samahan mo ako?”

“May ginagawa nga ako, ’di ba?”

His face fell again.

But he was quick to place a smile on his face.

“Saan interview mo? Samahan na kita.”

“May trabaho ka.”

“Ano’ng oras?” he asked again. Selective hearing.

“9am,” I replied.

“Kailan ’yun?”

“Next week pa, Monday.”

“Okay. Nandun na ako ng 8am.”

I didn’t respond anymore. Bahala na siya.

When we finished our food, we walked back to my condo. Iñigo didn’t try to go up with me to the unit. Nagpaalam ako nang maayos sa kanya.

The next few days went by with me not hearing anything from Iñigo except for the mandatory good morning, good evening texts. Hindi ko rin naman masyadong napansin dahil busy ako sa pag-update ng CV ko. I just wanted everything to be perfect.

But come Thursday, I was informed na nasa lobby sina Gracey. Out of curiosity, I got down… and was surprised nang makita ko na kasama niya si Rhys—who looked like he’d rather be anywhere but here.

“Hi, Cha! Congrats again!” bati ni Gracey nang yakapin niya ako. I hugged her back. Gracey’s one of the people I really like, although I have no plan of ever telling her that. There’s just something about her that’s really likeable.

“Thank you,” I said with a small smile. Napa-tingin ako kay Rhys na binati rin ako habang may maliit na ngiti sa mukha niya. It had been a while since I last saw him dahil hindi rin naman kami madalas na nagkikita sa office noon dahil nasa magka-ibang floor kami… He looked so tired… but I guessed that came with the territory.

“Come on,” Gracey said after she elbowed her twin.

Naka-kunot ang noo ko habang naka-tingin sa kanilang dalawa. Rhys rolled his eyes at his twin sister. Seriously, these two… but I kinda envied them. At least they’re close. Hindi kami ganito ng mga kapatid ko. We’re just related by blood, but the relation ended there.

“Ako na nga!” Gracey said, glaring at Rhys.

“I should’ve never told you,” Rhys replied.

“Well, I’d hate you if you didn’t, so you still made the right call,” Gracey said, glaring, still.

I was still standing there, unable to understand what was unveiling right before me. But this had got to do something with me because they’re here… Kaya naman tahimik akong naghintay hanggang sa magsimula si Gracey.

“Cha,” Gracey said. “Iñigo tried to quit his job and I think his company’s going to sue him—”

“What?”

“You know I’ll never blame you for Iñigo’s decision kasi malaki na ’yun, but can you please talk to him kasi sa ’yo lang makikinig ’yun… Rhys said na sabi raw ni Iñigo if hindi siya papayagang magresign, he’d rather do bad on the BAR kasi nasa provision daw na kailangang nasa top siya.”

I felt like air was knocked out of my chest.

Nasisiraan na ba ng bait si Inigo?

Gracey continued to talk, but it was as if I couldn’t hear a word that she said. All I could think about was how badly this would affect Iñigo. Our world was impossibly small… He’d have a bad record kapag nagresign siya nang ganito…

And if he’d purposely do bad on the BAR…

That’s… unbelievably stupid.

Napa-tigil ako sa iniisip ko nang maramdaman kong hinawakan ni Gracey ang kamay ko. She was looking at me like I was the key to fix it all. I knew that I’d talk to Iñigo, but it’s not as if I could control him.

“Will you please talk to him?” Gracey asked.

“Of course,” I replied.

I was glad they went here and told me about Iñigo’s plan. God, what was he thinking? Iyon ba ang sinabi niya na inaayos niya? He planned on violating his contract? That’s his brilliant plan?

“Can I talk to Rhys?” tanong ko kay Gracey. She just nodded before leaving us. Nang maiwan kaming dalawa ay agad kong tinanong kay Rhys kung ano ang nangyayari kay Iñigo. He told me that Iñigo’s performing poorly as of the recent. Biglang sumakit ang ulo ko dahil alam ko na ako ang dahilan kung bakit ginagawa ni Iñigo iyon. He also told me that Iñigo gave back the company car and the condo and he’s currently living with them sa bahay dahil hindi pa siya nakaka-hanap ng titirhan.

Seriously.

Para akong may alagang bata.

“I really think it’s a stupid mistake,” Rhys said. “He’s the favorite there and a lot of people are pissed at him because he’s not a lawyer yet mas maraming pinapa-hawak sa kanya.”

I remained silent. Iñigo’s brilliance wasn’t something I questioned. That’s a given.

“What will happen if he quits?” I asked.

“He’ll piss a lot of people and lose probably his entire life savings paying penalties.”

“Other alternative?”

“Well, he can flunk the BAR—”

“Not an option,” I quickly replied. If I had to fucking threaten Iñigo to stop him from sabotaging his exam, I’d do it. He’s too smart to waste it.

“Gaano pa ba katagal ’yung contract niya?”

“Until after the result of his BAR,” Rhys replied. “Conditional ’yung contract niya upon the result.”

That’s one year from now.

“But he’s really determined to quit now,” Rhys continued. “He kept on telling the partners that he wants to focus on reviewing and they actually told him that he’d have a lighter load, but the asshole is keen on quitting,” Rhys said and looked at me. “And I have a feeling that you have something to do with the sudden quitting.”

Of course.

Because of me.

This was my responsibility—albeit unwanted.

“Just… tell him not to quit,” Rhys said. “He’s really good at his job and he’s on the fast track to being a junior partner…” He paused. “I’m not even Iñigo’s biggest fan, but I don’t want him to lose this opportunity. Sayang.”

My mind was on a haywire. I just said goodbye to them. I wasn’t able to focus the whole night. I kept on thinking about a solution where Iñigo’s wouldn’t end up sacrificing his future because there’s no way I’d allow him to do that.

If he tops the BAR—which I was sure he will—he’d have to continue the contract.

If he didn’t—he’d still lose opportunities because let’s face it, there are better opportunities for the topnotchers.

God, this was impossible.

---

When Monday came, Iñigo was here on the dot. But he didn’t bring his Audi. It was a different car—looked familiar… Maybe it was Gracey’s or Rhys’. Unimportant.

“Good morning,” Iñigo greeted, handing me a cup of coffee. Bagong gupit siya. Naka-ngiti na parang hindi nasa peligro ang career niya sa mga desisyon na ginagawa niya.

We were quiet while we were in the car. I didn’t ask any question. I was trying to collect myself. Nang huminto kami sa isang cafe malapit sa building para maghintay, tumingin ako sa kanya.

“I heard you tried to quit.”

“Who told you that?”

“So, you’re not denying.”

Umiwas siya ng tingin.

“Don’t be stupid,” I said. “You know you’ll have to pay penalty if you quit. Binasa mo naman siguro ’yung contract na pinirmahan mo?”

Hindi pa rin siya nagsasalita.

“Iñigo,” I called his name. “Look at me.”

He snapped his head back. God, he’s so stubborn!

“I wanna quit—”

“Why?”

“Because that’s the only way—”

“For God’s sake, if you say that it’s the only way to be with me, then you’re an even bigger idiot than I think you are!” I said with controlled anger. He’s making my head ache!

“That’s the reason why you’re insisting we have that stupid contract!”

I closed my eyes as I drew a deep breath.

“You listen to me, okay?” I asked, looking straight into his eyes. “I never asked you to quit. I perfectly understand that in the career we both chose, there are times we’d have to be on the other side… and that’s something I’d accepted a long time ago. My problem is that you seem so okay with it. You’re justifying it! That’s my problem! Naiintindihan mo ba ako?”

Hindi pa rin siya maka-sagot.

I could feel my hands shaking.

I was so frustrated at him.

“Tapos ka na?” tanong niya habang naka-tingin sa akin. Hindi ako maka-galaw.

His eyes…

He looked like he’s about to cry again and I wanted to reach for his face, but I held myself back.

“I understand you; I really do… But please listen to me now,” he said. I remained sitting there, just staring at him. “You’ve been working what? For almost a year? More than a year? You work with papers… I’d been working there for almost 4 years now, Cha. Nung nagsimula ako, ganyan din naman ako. Akala mo ba hindi ako nasusuka sa mga ginagawa ko? Akala mo wala akong konsensya?” he asked and visibly wiped the tears that formed on his eyes. “But I had to ignore my conscience because that’s the only way to survive. You tell me money is the root of all evil? Well, Cha, without money, I’d starve to fucking death. Ano ba’ng choice ang meron ako? ’Yang choice na ’yan, para lang ’yan sa may pera.”

His hands were shaking terribly.

His eyes were red with uncontrolled emotion.

“I have a conscience… but I chose survival,” he said. “But I’m done. I’m quitting. Tama ka naman… Alam ko naman na mali ako pero ginagawa ko pa rin kasi tangina, gusto ko naman ng maayos na buhay. Ayokong mamatay ng walang pera. Ayokong mamatay na puro utang na loob sa pamilya nila Gracey. Ayokong mamatay na walang napatunayan sa mga kamag-anak ko.”

He drew a deep breath.

“Pero bakit ba iniisip ko lahat ng sasabihin nila? Pakielam ko ba? Mas gusto kita. Ikaw ’yung gusto ko. Sigurado ako. Kaya magreresign ako. I already know what I’ll do, Cha, so please don’t worry about me.”

“Iñigo—”

He looked at his watch. Iyong dati niyang relo nung nasa school pa kami. The Rolex was gone…

“15 minutes na lang, start na ng interview mo,” he said, wiping the tears from his eyes as he smiled at me. “Umakyat ka na. Pangit kapag late ka.”

But I didn’t move.

“If you still want to talk, I’d be here after… Wala naman na akong trabaho.”

I drew a deep breath.

“Please don’t make stupid decisions,” I said.

“They say people do stupid things for love…” he said as he smiled at me. “I guess this one’s mine.”

Chapter 43

#CTG43 Chapter 43

The interview went well. I was asked about what my expectations were and then subsequently, they told me what they’d be expecting from me. I’d be reviewing complaints and they’d be technical. It was better. At least I wouldn’t be dealing with people. Maybe soon in my career, but for now, I just wanted to practice law.

But with the salary I’d be getting plus the signing bonus, I knew that I needed to bring my A-game.

Nang maka-labas ako ay agad akong dumiretso sa café and Iñigo was still there, looking like he’s in deep thoughts.

“Hey,” he said with a smile on his face when he saw me. “How was the interview?”

I took a seat and faced him.

“What’s the plan, Iñigo?” I asked him.

“What do you mean?”

“About your job—what’s the plan?”

I knew that things between us were complicated at best, but I’d never abandon him. If he’s dead set on doing whatever he’s planning on doing, I’d make sure that I’d be with him every step of the way. Hindi ko siya papabayaan. Hindi ko siya kayang pabayaan.

“Can we have lunch first?” he asked.

“No,” I said, staring at him. “You tell me your plan and then we have lunch.”

Iñigo withdrew a deep breath and then clasped his hand. He was silent for a few seconds and I took that opportunity to stare at him—at that face… He should really be thankful that I like him beyond reasons.

“I already rendered my resignation,” he said.

“What about the penalty?”

“I’ll negotiate a payment plan—baka bayaran ko na iyong kalahati tapos iyong isang kalahati, kapag nagta-trabaho na ako.”

“Okay,” I said, nodding. “Don’t you want to consider just actually finishing your contract?” I asked. I knew that the penalty he’d have to pay would cost millions—it’s a big company and they wouldn’t let Iñigo go without scathing him, at least. They took care of him for years… I knew that they wouldn’t let him leave just like that. Not when he’s already familiar with all the company policies and everything.

“I want to top the BAR,” he said… diretso niyang sabi habang naka-tingin sa mga mata ko. “If I stay there and top the BAR, I’d have to extend the contract… Alam kong hindi ako makaka-alis. Hindi nila ako papayagang umalis.”

I chewed on my lower lip.

This… is precisely the reason why people should read contracts first before signing their lives away. There’s always a price for violating the provisions.

“Okay,” I said. “But you’re aware that they won’t give you a shining recommendation and you’ll probably earn a reputation by doing this?”

He nodded.

“And you’re still willing to resign?”

He nodded again.

He looked directly at me.

“Never been surer,” he firmly said.

“For the record, I still think this is bonkers.”

He smiled a little. “Have a little faith, Atty. Viste,” he said and I couldn’t help but shake my head at his stubbornness. We’re just both stubborn individuals. No wonder hindi kami nawawalan ng problema.

We walked but we couldn’t find a resto that we both wanted to eat at. Iñigo looked at me and asked if I wanted to swing by at school first dahil kukunin niya na raw iyong ticket.

“Aattend ka ba?” he asked.

“If you want,” I replied.

“Cha…”

“Hmm?”

“Gusto mo pa ba ako?”

“Yes.”

“Pero ayaw mo pa rin akong maging boyfriend?”

Hindi ako sumagot.

I really didn’t know what I wanted at this point anymore. All I knew was that I needed to make sure that Iñigo would be fine after all these. I already passed the BAR. I’d have a good job.

He’s about to throw everything away.

I needed to make sure that he’d be fine.

That’s the only clear thing right now.

“You should be top 1,” I told him. “I think the firm won’t care as much sa biglaang pagreresign mo kung top 1 ka.”

“Parang ang hirap nung pang-una,” natawang sabi niya.

“I’ll help.”

“Naks… Porke top 8 ka,” he teased.

I rolled my eyes. “I’m serious, Iñigo. I have a bad feeling about your resignation… I feel like they’re vindictive people and sisiraan ka nila kaya mahihirapan kang kumuha ng trabaho…”

He shrugged. “Then I’ll work for the government.”

“Mas mababa iyong sweldo.”

“Okay lang naman sa ’yo kahit wala akong masyadong pera, ’di ba?” tanong niya habang ramdam kong naka-tingin siya sa akin. I remained silent. I heard him laugh. “Maybe I’ll be a public defender… or a prosecutor… Bahala na.”

I still let the silence envelope us.

“Cha…” pagtawag niya. “Basta ’wag mo kong iiwanan, ha? Konting tiwala lang, please… Magiging okay din ulit ako. I promise I’ll rise up… but this time, the right way.”

I stopped and faced him and cupped his face.

“Of course, you dumb-ass,” I said, caressing his cheeks.

God, he’s so stubborn but I really, really like him.

He snatched my hand and kissed my knuckle.

“Thank you, Cha…” he softly said. “D’yan ka lang… Magiging deserving din ako sa ’yo.”

I nodded.

My life had always been planned—mula pagkabata ko hanggang pagpasok ko sa law school at pagta-top sa BAR… Everything had gone according to plan.

Iñigo’s a wildcard.

Since he came into my life, I felt like I lost control.

But I guessed I’d just have to gamble and see where things would go with him…

Kagaya ng palagi niyang sinasabi…

Bahala na.

---

“Okay na siguro ’to, Cha,” Iñigo said as we were looking for an apartment. Nahihiya na siyang tumira sa bahay nila Gracey dahil madalas wala naman doon si Gracey dahil nasa ospital tapos ang weird naman daw na nandun siya.

I shook my head. I didn’t want him living here. Pagpasok mo pa lang, iyon na ’yun. How the hell would he be able to review here?

“Too cramped up.”

“Tutulog lang naman,” he said.

“Let’s keep looking,” I replied.

We spent the entire morning looking for apartment. Next week pa iyong simula ng trabaho ko. I wanted Iñigo settled down bago ako magsimula sa trabaho dahil alam kong magiging busy ako. May graduation pa si Iñigo and I still needed to attend the oath taking.

“Kunin ko na lang ’yung pangalawang nakita natin, Cha,” he said while we’re waiting for our food. We’re in a karinderia. Wala na siyang pera dahil nagbayad siya sa penalty. Wala pa akong pera dahil hindi ko pa nakukuha iyong signing bonus. But it’s okay. Masarap naman ’yung pares.

“The place looks sketchy,” I told him. I didn’t want him staying in that place. Naalala ko iyong kwento niya na nangyari kay Gracey dati… What if Gracey, being the stubborn person that she was, decided to visit him? Delikado.

“Yun lang pasok sa budget ko,” he honestly said. “Nagbayad pa ko sa review center. Maghahanap pa lang ako ng trabaho.”

I nodded my head a few times while thinking of a solution.

“I’m thinking of getting an apartment and moving out of the condo,” I said. “You can pay the bills. Ako na iyong bahala sa rent.”

Hindi siya sumagot.

“Please don’t let pride get the better of you,” I continued. “You want me in your life, right? Then, let me help. Between the two of us, I’m more financially stable right now… pero kapag may trabaho ka na, pwede mo akong bayaran kung gusto mo… But for now, let me take care of the rent, okay?”

He was still just looking at me.

“Iñigo—”

“You want us to live together?”

“Sa dami ng sinabi ko, ’yan lang ang naisip mo?”

He nodded like an excited kid. For someone who literally threw a very promising career, he sure had his priorities straight.

“Like housemates,” I said.

“Housemates,” he said in a mocking tone. “Tabi ba tayong matutulog?”

“Be serious.”

“I’m serious,” he replied. “Kailangan kong malaman kung tabi tayong matutulog.”

Saglit kong ipinikit ang mga mata ko at huminga nang malalim. Iñigo and his priorities, really…

“We’ll see,” I said.

He grinned. “As long as you’re keeping an open mind…” he said, wiggling his eyebrow.

After we ate, we continued to look for an apartment. Patapos na rin naman talaga iyong contract ko sa condo and I was really planning on moving… It’s just that Iñigo’s situation came into the equation.

Wala pa kaming nakitang maayos na apartment. I wanted a nice apartment in a gated place. Safety is important. Pero nagsimula na rin iyong trabaho ko kaya si Iñigo muna ang naghanap dahil hindi pa naman nagsisimula iyong review niya.

“May nakita akong maganda kanina. Punta tayo sa Sunday?” Iñigo asked while he was cooking dinner. He’s staying in my condo for a while habang hindi pa kami nakaka-hanap ng apartment. Sa umaga at gabi ko lang siya nakikita. He’s staying on the couch—although on the first night, he wore me down and I let him sleep beside me and cuddle.

He’s so persistent when he wanted to.

“Okay,” I automatically replied while my eyes didn’t leave the laptop screen. I knew I shouldn’t be bringing work to home, but I felt so pressured. They gave me a huge signing bonus, so I needed to show them that they made the right decision.

Habang nagbabasa ako ay tahimik lang si Iñigo. He’s always quiet when I was working.

When I felt thirsty, doon ko lang napansin na naka-ready na pala iyong lamesa. Nandun na iyong kanin at ulam pati mga plato. Napa-tingin ako sa sofa at nakita ko na nandun si Iñigo at naghahanap ng job vacancies sa isang online group.

“Iñigo,” I called.

His head automatically snapped my way like he’s trained to do so.

“Kain na tayo?” he asked.

“Di mo ko tinawag.”

He smiled as he stood up. “Busy ka, e.”

Nagsimula na kaming kumain. Iñigo’s cooking got better. Siya rin naglilinis ng condo. Mukha na siyang housewife. Tuwing uuwi ako galing trabaho, may suot siyang apron kapag binubuksan iyong pinto. And then he’d greet me with a big smile.

“Iñigo,” I said. He looked at me, his mouth full of food. He’s really cute. “Nakuha ko na ’yung signing bonus ko. Bayaran na natin ’yung kalahati ng penalty mo. Ang laki nung interest.”

The legal interest was only 6% pero napilitan si Iñigo dun sa stipulated dahil gusto niya na lang maka-alis sa company. With the rate things were going, next year pa siya makakahanap ng maayos na trabaho… And that’s assuming na matatanggap agad siya sa government. Kaya dapat bayaran na iyong balance para hindi na lumaki pa.

Iñigo looked like he’s rushing to swallow his food, so I took that opportunity to continue what I was saying.

“Wala naman akong paggagamitan nun… You can just pay me in the future—or we can make a promissory note,” I offered. I just wanted him to be completely free. Alam ko naman na kahit wala siyang sinasabi sa akin, iniisip niya ’yun.

He reached for the glass of water.

“Ang dami ko ng utang sa ’yo,” he said.

“Hindi naman ako nagbibilang,” I replied.

He remained silent for a few seconds.

“Sigurado ka na d’yan?”

I nodded.

“Sigurado ka na sa ’kin?”

I eyed him.

He laughed.

“Okay,” he said. “Naka-usap ko si Atty. Osena. Sabi niya kung gusto kong maging prosecutor, magsimula daw muna ako sa PAO para ma-practice ako sa litigation. Mag-aapply ako bukas.”

I nodded. “Okay. Do you need anything?”

Umiling siya. “No,” he said, smiling. “I feel like I already have everything I need.”

Chapter 44

#CTG44 Chapter 44

Pagdating ko sa apartment ay mabilis akong nagsaing. I really wasn’t the best cook, but I knew that I needed to try because I didn’t want Iñigo to worry about this, too. He’s working as legal intern in PAO and after work, pumupunta naman siya sa review para sa BAR. I needed to cook para pag-uwi niya, kakain na lang siya.

I cooked nilaga and after that, inasikaso ko naman iyong sa trabaho ko. Iñigo would be home at around 11pm. Kakain lang kami sandali tapos maya-maya ay matutulog na rin dahil may pasok na naman kinabukasan.

I was so focused on reading a case when I heard the door being turned. My eyes automatically waited for Iñigo to get inside. And when he got in, he smiled at me kahit na halatang pagod na siya sa itsura niya. He was carrying his backpack that was full of review materials. He looked so worn out.

Tumayo agad ako.

“You look like hell,” I said.

He laughed. “Daming ginawa sa office tapos ayaw paawat ni Justice kanina sa review,” sabi niya. “Payakap nga.”

I rolled my eyes, but he, nonetheless, bridged the distance between us and wrapped me inside his arms. I felt him resting against my body.

“Nagluto na ko,” I said.

“Nilaga?”

“Yes. And then patis with calamansi.”

“Ang sweet naman ni Queen Elsa,” he said and I pushed him away. Natawa na naman siya.

I told him to change clothes first habang iniinit ko iyong pagkain namin. Paglabas niya ng CR, his hair’s damp and he’s wearing his boxers and white shirt. Diretso na naman siyang lumakad papunta sa akin at niyakap ako habang naka-talikod ako.

“Cha,” pagtawag niya.

“What?”

“Nakuha ko na ’yung sweldo ko. Finally.”

“Good for you,” I said kasi nagrereklamo siya dahil after 3 months pa bago niya nakuha iyong sweldo niya. Kitang-kita ko na sobrang hiyang-hiya siya sa akin dahil binibigyan ko siya ng pera na sinasabi kong allowance niya. I was just teasing him. I knew that if he had money, he’d never ask from me.

“Date tayo sa Sunday?”

“Birthday nila Gracey,” I reminded him because we already promised na pupunta kami roon.

“Shit, oo nga pala. Ano ireregalo natin ’dun sa kambal na ’yun?”

“Nakita kong nagpost si Gracey sa facebook na instead na regalo sa kanya, magdonate na lang ’dun sa charity na pinost niya,” I said. Sometimes, I feel like Gracey’s some fallen angel. She’s really nice. Wala akong makitang masama sa kanya.

“Okay,” Iñigo said.

While eating, I couldn’t help but watch Iñigo dahil sobrang dami niyang kinakain na para bang ginutom siya sa office nila. Minsan, hindi ako maka-tiis kaya nagpapa-deliver ako ng pagkain sa office nila para sa kanya and I’d just text him to get the food from the delivery guy. Alam ko kasing sobrang dami niyang ginagawa sa office nila kumpara sa load niya sa dati niyang trabaho.

“Ako na maghuhugas mamaya,” Iñigo said after we finished eating.

“Ako na,” I said. “Tulog ka na.”

“May tatapusin pa ko.”

“Bukas na.”

“Papagalitan ako.”

“Gusto mong ako magalit?”

He laughed. “Grabe, under agad ako kahit ’di man lang kita girlfriend,” sabi niya. I rolled my eyes. “Fine… Gigising na lang ako nang maaga.”

Napa-iling na lang ako. Halos five hours lang ang tulog niya kada araw. I really wished November would come sooner para hindi niya na kailangang magreview sa gabi dahil kailangan niya naman ng pahinga.

I won in our argument kung sino ang maghuhugas ng plato. Iñigo made sure that the apartment was secure. I said goodnight bago ako pumasok sa kwarto. It had been a long day. Gusto ko na ring magpahinga.

In the middle of trying to fall asleep, napa-kunot ang noo ko nang maka-rinig ako ng pagbagsak ng kung ano. I stood up and opened the door and frowned when I saw Iñigo sitting on the floor habang nasa coffee table iyong laptop niya at seryosong-seryoso siya sa binabasa niya.

I was just watching him… unsure of whether to admire him or to be pissed dahil ang kulit niya.

I decided to just let him be pero biglang bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko nang biglang tumulo iyong dugo mula sa ilong ni Iñigo. He quickly reached for the tissue and wiped his nose and fixed it like he was already used to it happening.

That’s it.

Mabilis akong lumabas at malakas na isinara iyong pinto kaya gulat na napa-tingin siya sa akin.

“I told you to sleep already,” I said, pissed.

“Di ako maka-tulog. ’Di pa ako pagod,” he said, obviously lying.

“I can’t believe I’ll be the one telling you this, but you need to slow down,” I seriously said because he’s already abusing himself. Sobrang dami niyang ginagawa sa office dahil alam niya na hindi maganda iyong recommendation na binigay sa kanya nung dati niyang work kaya dapat niyang patunayan iyong sarili niya… Gising na siya ng 5am palagi dahil siya ang nagluluto ng breakfast tapos sabay kaming aalis ng 7am para pumasok sa 8am work namin. Tapos pupunta pa siyas a review at 11pm na makaka-uwi.

He smiled a little. “Saka na kapag lawyer na rin ako kagaya mo.”

“Sleep. Please.”

“Cha…” malambing niyang sabi. “Kailangan ko talagang tapusin ’to kasi kailangan ’to bukas. Kapag ’di ko natapos ’to, walang mape-present sa hearing.”

I pressed my lips. I wanted to help him, but I knew that I couldn’t because the files were confidential.

“Okay,” I said. Pumasok ako sa kwarto at kinuha rin iyong laptop ko. I sat on the opposite side of the coffee table and began working, too.

Nakita ko na naka-tingin sa akin si Iñigo, naka-ngiti.

“What?” I asked as I stopped typing.

He was just looking at me.

Seconds passed, but he didn’t stop.

“Parang… parang sasabog ’yung puso ko kapag naka-tingin ako sa ’yo,” seryosong sabi niya habang naka-tingin sa akin at may maliit na ngiti sa labi niya. “Mahal na mahal talaga kita, Cha… Kahit ’di kita girlfriend, basta dapat alam mo na mahal na mahal kita.”

My lips parted at his sudden declaration.

It was as if I could hear my heart beating.

“T-Thank you,” I said, unable to form a coherent thought.

“You’re welcome,” natatawang sagot niya.

---

When I woke up the next day, nagulat ako dahil nasa kama na ako at paglabas ko, naka-handa na iyong breakfast pero hindi ko nakita si Iñigo. He left a note saying na maaga siyang pupunta sa PAO dahil mag-aayos na siya nung sa case niya. Dahil sa sobrang dami ng pending, pinabayaan na siya na siya ang magrepresent sa court. Sobrang kinakabahan siya. We’d done that in school, but of course, the actual thing is always way different.

My hands automatically composed an email and sent it to the HR saying that I’d be taking a sick leave.

Iñigo mentioned in passing na sa Manila MTC siya magaappear as counsel. Pagdating ko roon ay nakita ko na naka-sched na iyong sa hearing niya. I immediately saw him at the end of the hall, briefing his client.

I felt so proud.

I didn’t like taking pictures, but I wasn’t able to stop myself.

I didn’t know if I’d tell him na nandito ako dahil baka mas lalo siyang kabahan. Tahimik na lang akong naupo sa likod at pinanood siya. He’s good. Na-practice na siya sa dati niyang trabaho.

Kung makapagsabi siya sa akin na kinabahan siya… Tapos ganito naman pala siya kagaling sa actual.

The prosecutor was okay, but Iñigo came prepared. ’Di na nga natutulog ’yan sa kakaisip kung paano idedefend iyong kaso ng client niya.

Nang matapos iyong hearing ay kinausap niya iyong client niya. I patiently waited until he was done. Sobrang naka-kunot ang noo niya nang makita niya ako.

“Cha?” gulat na tanong niya. “Bakit ka nandito?”

“Ikaw may-ari ng MTC?”

Natawa siya. “Pilosopo talaga nito,” he said. “Pero bakit nga nandito ka?”

“Wanted to watch your first hearing.”

“Naks… Ang supportive naman ni housemate.”

I rolled my eyes. “Let’s have lunch.”

“Okay… pero ’di ka pumasok?”

“Sick leave.”

“Grabe… ’Di mo pa ako mahal niyan, pero nagli-leave ka na para sa ’kin?”

“Titigil ka o aalis ako?”

He quickly draped his arm on my shoulders and I felt him kissing the top of my head. “Di na po. Sorry na. San tayo kakain? ’Di pa kita nalilibre sa sweldo ko.”

We went to a Ramen place and then after, I drove Iñigo to his office dahil may iba pa siyang hawak na kaso. Uuwi na dapat ako pero nang magtext siya na wala siyang review ngayon ay bigla akong napa-punta sa grocery. I bought steak and potatoes and thought that I’d make him a nice dinner.

Armed with Youtube videos and prayers, I began making us steak and mashed potatoes.

I was so busy with cooking that I didn’t hear the door opening. Halos mapa-talon lang ako nang mapansin ko na naka-tayo na pala si Iñigo at pinapanood ako habang inaayos ko iyong sa mashed potato.

“Para sa ’kin ba ’yan?” he asked grinning.

“Para sa kapitbahay natin.”

He laughed again. “Ang generous mo namang kapitbahay,” he said, and then took a step forward and then kissed my forehead. “Amoy steak ka, Cha. Ligo muna tayo?”

“After.”

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya. “M-Maliligo… tayo? As in kasama ako?”

I rolled my eyes again. “Yes. So, please ’wag kang makulit at baka magbago ang isip ko.”

“Roger, Queen Elsa,” he said, and then acted like he was zipping his mouth.

Thankfully, natapos ako sa ginagawa ko. I arranged the table beautifully… I only said beautifully because I made an effort of buying candles and nice plates kaysa sa normal na plastic plate na kinakainan namin palagi. I even bought us wine glass and a bottle of an okay wine.

Maybe when we’re both successful, we could afford a nice bottle of wine. But for now, this was more than okay.

“Okay na,” I said.

“Pwede na akong magsalita?”

“Pwede ba kitang pigilan?”

“Oo naman. Malakas ka sa ’kin, e.”

“Kumain na nga tayo.”

Iñigo laughed as he took his seat. We talked while eating. I asked him about his first experience in trial and he seemed like an excited kid. It seemed like he’s really enjoying litigation.

“Pero baka lumipat na rin talaga ako sa prosec kapag naka-pasa ako,” he said.

“Why?”

“Parang mas gusto kong kwestyunin iyong suspect kaysa ipagtanggol,” he replied. “I mean, alam ko naman na innocent until proven guilty, pero minsan alam mo ’yun? ’Di mo maiwasan na isipin na guilty ’yung client mo kasi minsan obvious na nagsisinungaling sila…” He paused. “Grabe, nahawa na ako sa konsensya mo.”

I rolled my eyes. Ako pa ang sinisi.

“Basta lilipat ako sa prosec then I’ll work my way up hanggang maging head ako ng Office of the Prosection,” he said, smiling. “Promise wala akong gagawin kung hindi magtrabaho nang maayos. Basta ’wag mo akong lalayasan.”

“Paano kita lalayasan e sa akin naka-pangalan ’yung lease ng apartment?”

Tumawa siya. “Ito naman!” he said and then got up and got something from his bag. When he return, he slid over a thick envelope. “Sweldo ko.”

“Sa ’yo ’yan,” I said, sliding it back to him.

“Para sa ’yo talaga ’yan,” he replied. “Regalo ko.”

“Ayoko.”

“Sige na? Iyong sa utang ko, sa susunod na sweldo. Iyan, basta gusto ko sa ’yo ’yan.”

“Ayoko nga.”

“Ano? Bigay na lang natin sa kapitbahay?”

We stared at each other.

“Alam ko na kung ano ang gagawin,” he said.

“What?”

“Bili tayo ng mas malaking kama. Malapit na ’yung birthday ko. Patulugin mo naman ako sa tabi mo. Sumasakit na ’yung likod ko sa sofa.”

“Ang demanding mo.”

“Tsk. Pinapayagan mo nga akong maligo kasama mo, tapos pagtulog lang, ang damot mo?”

I rolled my eyes. “Fine.”

His eyes widened. “Seriously? Bibili na tayo ng mas malaking kama?”

I nodded. “Okay na? Wala ka ng request, mahal na hari?”

He laughed and then stood up. “Tara, ligo na tayo, Queen Elsa,” he said, pulling me up with him and dragging me under the shower.

Chapter 45

#CTG45 Chapter 45

First week of Iñigo’s BAR month.

It was already 9 pm and Iñigo needed to sleep already… but he was so stubborn that instead of sleeping, he’s reading the statement for one of the cases he was holding. Kanina ko pa siya pinipilit na matulog, but he wasn’t listening. He kept on telling me that he’s already done reviewing and hindi rin naman daw siya makaka-tulog dahil iisipin niya pa rin iyong sa kaso.

I was definitely right when I said that deep inside, Iñigo’s a softie.

He may not talk about it, but he’s easily affected by the cases he was holding… It must’ve taken great strength for him to ignore his conscience during the years he was doing the settlements.

“You really need to sleep,” I said for the third time tonight.

“Thanks for the concern, Cha, pero hindi pa rin ako makaka-tulog,” he said while his eyes were fixated on the papers in front of him.

I knew he’s smart and all, but I’d taken the exam and it was exhausting. It’s a whole day debacle. It’s both physically and mentally tiring. He needed a good night sleep to be able to function at his best tomorrow…

And hindi lang naman simpleng pagpasa ang goal niya—he needed to be the top 1.

In Iñigo’s career, there’s no room for mistake anymore dahil sa nangyari sa huli niyang trabaho. Reputation’s important for lawyers. Paano siya pagkaka-tiwalaan kung ganoon ang reputasyon niya? So, he really needed to ace the exam.

“Please? Let’s sleep?”

Agad siyang napa-tingin sa akin at tinanggal iyong reading glasses niya. There was an amused smile on his face.

“Isa pa nga? Ang lambing pakinggan nun, ah?”

I rolled my eyes. “Please? Matulog na tayo.”

He nodded. “Fine,” he said, fixing his papers in a neat pile before standing up. We went to our room and he quickly pulled me with him. I felt him kissing my nape.

“Atty. Viste,” he called.

“What?”

“Hahatid mo ko bukas?”

“Syempre.”

“Sasalubungin mo rin ako?”

“Yes. I’ll be in front of Gate 2.”

Humigpit iyong yakap niya sa akin. “Gagalingan ko bukas,” he said. “I can’t promise top 1 because I know it’s gonna be hard, but I can promise you that I’ll do my best.”

I squeezed his hands which were holding me close to him. “I know.”

The silence enveloped us. I could feel that Iñigo was still yet to sleep. He felt so restless, but he really needed to rest. I moved so that I could face him.

“What can I do to make you sleep?” I asked.

“On the top of my head… sex,” he replied, laughing.

I rolled my eyes before I cupped his face and kissed him. I felt that he was taken aback for a few seconds before he began kissing me back. Iñigo went on top of me and he was quickly rubbing himself on me.

“Siguraduhin mo lang na makaka-tulog ka pagkatapos nito,” I said when his lips left mine and was now on my neck down to my chest.

I felt him chuckle. “Siguraduhin mo rin na magigising ka para siguraduhin na gising ako bukas dahil hindi ako pwedeng ma-late,” he said while he was busy taking my top off and he was now alternating between sucking my nipple and massaging the other.

While Iñigo was busy doing that, I reached for my phone and decided to double check kung naka-set na ba talaga iyong alarm. There were five alarms with five minutes interval each, just to be sure. Kapag hindi siya nakapagtake ng exam ngayon, he’d have to wait for another year.

When I was aware that I was already fully naked, I pushed him away and got on top of him. His lips parted at the sight of me straddling him.

“W-What—”

“I need you to fall asleep, not be tired dahil marami ka pang gagawin bukas,” I said as I was pulling his boxers down. I rested my left hand against his chest as I used my other hand to guide his length in my core.

God, the things I do for this guy.

“Yung condom—”

“This is your prize for being a good boy,” I said, tapping his cheek as I slid his length in me. I was watching every expression that crossed Iñigo’s face. How his mouth formed into an ‘o’ and how he closed his eyes… and how he had that pained expression.

Then I felt him gripping my waist.

“Wag ka munang gumalaw,” he said, and then looked at me. I could see the rising and falling of his chest. “Ayoko nito, Cha… Alam ko na ito ’yung birthday wish ko, pero ayoko na mabuntis ka ng wala sa plano. Ayokong maka-sira sa career mo. Alam ko kung gaano mo ’yan pinaghirapan.”

I bit my lip.

God, we’d been through so much together already.

“I’m safe now,” I simply said.

And… I trust Iñigo. I knew that he’d be a great father… someday. Definitely not now when we’re still busy building our names… Pero kung mabubuntis man ako, I’d be okay with it. Alam ko na hindi niya ako papabayaan. I wouldn’t be scared if I’d do it with him.

“Nagpills ka na?” he asked.

“No. I’m just safe today,” I said, beginning to move. His lips parted again. “Remember this feeling right now dahil mauulit lang ’to kapag nagtop 1 ka sa BAR.”

That night, Iñigo called the name of the gods a lot of times.

And thankfully, after almost 2 hours, he finally fucking fell asleep.

---

I wasn’t able to fall asleep. I was so tired from being on top, so when Iñigo fell asleep, I quietly sneaked out of the room and made myself a very strong cup of coffee. Natatakot lang ako na baka maka-tulog ako tapos hindi rin siya magising. Walang gigising sa aming dalawa. Iñigo declined his frat’s offer of sponsoring his hotel room for the entire BAR month—and I knew that it was because of me. He was really distancing himself from that frat.

I knew I had to do my part and if it meant having unprotected sex with my housemate… bahala na.

Tahimik akong nagta-trabaho at naghihintay ng pagdating ng last minute tips. I talked to Rhys about this and he promised that he’d send me kung anuman ang meron sa frat nila na available. Alam niya na bawal pero alam niya rin na kapag tumanggi siya sa akin ay isusumbong ko siya kay Gracey.

Oddly enough, kung gaano kabait si Gracey, ganoon din katakot si Rhys sa kanya… Maybe it’s true na kung sino ang mababait, sila talaga iyong nakaka-takot magalit.

It was already 3am when I received a text from Rhys saying to check my email. I quickly opened my email and printed the last minute tips. While printing, I made coffee and began to make fried rice and cook hotdogs and bacon.

I fixed the reviewers and double checked his BAR kit para masigurado na nandun lahat ng kailangan niya lalo na iyong test permit. And when everything was ready, I woke Iñigo up.

“What?” he asked, groaning a little.

“Last minute review na,” I said. I pulled him out of bed dahil ayaw niyang tumayo. He hugged me while knowing that he’s still fully naked and he’s got morning wood. “Magreview ka na.”

He chuckled. “Pwedeng magcr muna?”

“Basta CR lang.”

“Oo na,” sagot niya at hinalikan ako sa pisngi bago pumasok sa CR. But I knew that he’s gonna do something else in the bathroom like everything. So, I knocked.

“Five minutes,” I said.

“Okay,” he replied, groaning.

While waiting for him, binasa ko iyong LMT. Na-review na namin ’to, but we could never be too sure. Pero madali lang naman ang first week subjects kay Iñigo… What he didn’t like was the second week, so I guessed mas kailangan namin magreview after this one.

Paglabas ni Iñigo sa CR, naupo na siya. I was quiet the whole time. He was eating while reading the LMTs. Tahimik lang ako na naka-tingin sa kanya.

When it was already 5am, I told him that he needed to take a shower already dahil kailangan naka-alis na kami before 6am para hindi kami ma-traffic.

Habang naliligo siya ay nilinis ko na iyong lamesa. I checked his bag again dahil paranoid ako. I knew someone who left his test permit at home so he had to forfeit his exam. I just didn’t want to take that chance.

“Okay na ko,” Iñigo said. He was wearing our school shirt, black maong pants, and brown loafers.

“Sure kang may battery ’yang relo mo?” I asked.

“Pinapalitan ko na ’yung battery last week.”

“Reading glass?”

“Nandito na,” he said, and then took a step closer and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Complete na ’yung dala ko,” he continued and then leaned in and planted a kiss. “Kahit ’wag ka ng maghintay sa labas ng gate mamaya. Sa cofee shop na lang para ’di ka mapagod at ’dun na lang kita pupuntahan.”

I just nodded pero hihintayin ko siya sa harap ng gate. Besides, kasama ko naman si Jax na maghihintay dahil hihintayin niya naman si Yago. Kailangang bantayan din namin iyon dahil baka kung ano ang maisipan at hindi na naman ituloy iyong exam.

Bakit ba kailangang sabay sila ni Iñigo? Sobrang talino rin ni Yago. Hindi nag-aaral mabuti pero ang taas ng grade. Minsan, unfair din talaga.

Thankfully, the Manila traffic cooperated and we were able to reach UST with a few minutes to spare. Hindi ko alam kung bakit kinakabahan ako. I was already done with this exam, but I could still remember how grueling it was for me. I remember throwing up because of the pressure.

Habang naghihintay kami na magbukas iyong gate, sabay kaming natigilan ni Iñigo nang makita namin si Katherine na may kasamang ibang lalaki.

“Seriously,” Iñigo said under his breath.

Agad akong napa-tingin sa kanya.

“Crush mo pa rin siya?” I had to ask.

Agad na kumunot ang noo niya. “What? Hindi!” he said rather defensively. “Grabe naman! ’Di ko na crush si Kitty—”

“E ’di naging crush mo nga?”

His lips parted. “Wag mo nga akong awayin. BAR ko ngayon.”

I rolled my eyes. Then, he laughed and was very quick to plant a kiss on my lips. “Ito namang si housemate, napaka-selosa,” sabi niya nang natatawa pero hindi ko makita kung ano ang nakaka-tawa. “Nagulat lang ako kasi… Iyong kasama niya? Si Kier ’yan, e. Anak ni Congressman Ramirez.”

My lips parted.

Why was she associating herself with that family? Everybody in the country knew that that family meant bad news.

“Kinausap na namin ni Deanne ’yan na lumayo, e… Ang kulit talaga niyang si Kitty.”

“Puntahan mo kaya?”

Iñigo shook his head. “Ayoko. ’Di kami nag-uusap niyan, e.”

“Why?” I asked because I thought they were close.

“Simula nung nagbreak sila ni Jax, naging sobrang tahimik… ’Di na namamansin tapos ’di na nagrereply sa text kaya tinigilan ko na rin.”

Tahimik naming pinapanood si Katherine kasama iyong Kier. They actually looked happy. Katherine was actually smiling… which looked weird because for the past years, I got used to seeing her always sad because of Jax…

Naka-move on na kaya siya?

But with the Ramirez kid?

I just hoped she knew what she was getting into.

“Sige na, bye na,” Iñigo said, kissing my forehead when they started allowing examinees to get inside. Iñigo smiled at me and waived before he briskly walked inside the premise.

I stayed there and waited until the exam actually started dahil baka may naka-limutan siya. When I was sure that everything’s complete, I drove home.

---

The whole area around UST was full of noise and people. Tahimik akong naghihintay sa paglabas ni Iñigo. Katabi ko si Gracey at sabay kaming naghihintay.

“Ang tagal naman niya…” Gracey commented. “Masama ba kapag matagal?”

“Not necessarily. Baka nagdouble check bago magpasa,” I said.

“Okay… Matanong ko lang, hindi pa rin ba kayong dalawa?”

“Bakit?”

“Wala… Weird lang na naka-tira kayong dalawa tapos nung kasama ko si Iñigo last time tapos may batchmate kasi kami nung high school na tinanong if single daw ba si Iñigo kasi may nagpapatanong, ang sagot ba naman, single raw siya pero may selosang housemate. Like, sobrang confused nung itsura nung kausap namin.”

I couldn’t help but shake my head. Typical response of Iñigo Borromeo. Kahit sa mga kapitbahay namin, ganoon ang pakilala niya.

“Bakit wala kang boyfriend?” I asked Gracey.

“Busy sa work,” she simply replied. “Bakit? May ipapakilala ka ba?” she excitedly asked. I stared at her for quite a while, pondering if I know anyone who’s good enough for her. The only good enough person I know is Jax, but he’s already emotionally taken.

“What do you like in a person?” I asked.

“Mabait. Yun lang ang requirement ko.”

I nodded. “I’ll message you if I think of someone.”

Gracey grinned and hugged me. “Thank you!”

Pakiramdam ko ay naka-labas na lahat ng tao sa UST at hindi pa rin lumalabas si Iñigo. And when we finally saw him, he looked problematic. Mahirap ba iyong exam? Pero forte niya iyong remedial.

“Congrats!” Gracey said, handing him the bouquet she bought.

“Thanks, Gracey,” Iñigo replied, smiling.

I let them talk for a while. Nang matapos sila ay tumingin sa akin si Inigo at mabilis akong niyakap.

“Mahirap ba ’yung exam?” tanong ko.

“Hindi ko alam,” he replied. “Hinarang ako kanina nila Fred… Hinahanap daw ako sa HQ kasi hindi ako nagpapakita.”

I remained silent.

“Gusto ko ng sabihin na quit na ko sa frat…”

I bit my lower lip.

“I made reservation,” I said instead. We already discussed this and he told me that if he wanted to exit the frat, he’d have to go out the way he got in—and that meant initiation…

And I wasn’t naive not to know that he’d probably die if he goes through that again. I knew one person who died when I was in second year because of that initiation. Iñigo was lucky to survive—hell would freeze over if I’d let him go through that again.

---

Iñigo was cleaning the CR to distract himself dahil lalabas na iyong resulta ng exam ngayon. I was patiently waiting for the page to load. I needed to check if Iñigo and Yago passed. Thankfully, hindi nagtake si Maven ngayong taon because if he did, I was sure that he’d top the BAR because he’s an actual genius.

“Cha, san naka-lagay ’yung bagong shower curtain?” he asked.

I was about to answer him when the page loaded. He saw the change of expression on my face. He looked like he was about to faint any second now.

My lips parted when I saw the result of the top 10.

I looked at him.

“What?” kinakabahan na tanong niya.

“Congrats, Atty. Borromeo,” I said as I turned the laptop screen towards him and showed how he fucking topped the BAR exam.

Chapter 46

#CTG46 Chapter 46

I was watching Iñigo from afar.

We’re having a celebration because finally, after waiting for a position to be available, he’s officially a prosecutor. Matagal din siyang nagtiis sa PAO kahit na ang daming offer sa kanya ever since he managed to bag the first place in the elusive BAR exam.

Everybody wanted a piece of him, but the guy’s focused on his goal of becoming a prosecutor so he stayed in PAO hanggang magkaroon ng bakanteng pwesto para maging prosecutor siya.

And it finally happened.

Prosecutor Borromeo.

It has a nice ring to it.

“Ayaw niyo man lang bang magpost ng picture niyo online?” Gracey asked. She’s now dating my brother, which was weird, but I love Gracey like a sister so it’s fine with me… Plus my Dad really likes her. Muntik niya na nga akong ipakasal kay Rhys dati. It all ended well—magiging kapamilya niya pa rin ang mga Arevalo.

“Why?”

“Wala lang… Nagtrending na naman ’yung picture ng housemate mo,” she mentioned. I was used to it already. Ever since Iñigo topped the BAR and news about him being single got out, his messenger is always filled with messages from girls. I wasn’t bothered about it. If Iñigo decides to cheat, alam niya na ako pa ang magdedeliver sa kanya sa kung sinuman iyong babae niya.

“Besides,” she continued. “Feeling ko kailangan na akong swelduhan ni Iñigo dahil feeling ko naging official na tanungan na ako kung may girlfriend siya. ’Di yata na-gets ng mga tao iyong speech niya nung oath taking.”

My eyes were on Iñigo as he was talking to one of his colleagues. Mukhang naramdaman niya na naka-tingin ako sa kanya kaya napa-tingin siya sa akin. He smiled at me and mouthed if I needed anything from him. Simple akong umiling. This was his night. He could do whatever he wanted.

“Hay, ewan ko sa inyo!” Gracey exasperatedly said nang wala siyang makuhang matinong sagot sa akin.

I just couldn’t be bother with labels anymore.

I’m happy and contented with what we have.

And… we’re partners. Kagaya nang sinabi niya nung speech niya nang magtop siya sa BAR. I could still remember how he looked at me while everyone else was looking at him.

’This won’t be possible without my…“ he said as he struggled to find the right word to describe us. “My partner,” he continued with a small smile on his face as he was directly looking at me. “Some may say that it’s because of my hard work, but we both know that you’re really the reason why I’m here. Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for the late-night reviews. Thank you for staying up late so that I won’t be alone reviewing. Thank you for the random pop quiz. Thank you for feeding me always. Thank you for making sure that I’d be at my best. Thank you for staying. Thank you for pushing me to be the best version of myself… And just thank you… for believing in me when I doubted myself.”

With that in mind… I really didn’t care about labels anymore.

Iñigo Borromeo is mine.

“Cha.”

“What?” I asked when suddenly, Iñigo’s beside me again.

“Pagod ka na ba? Gusto mong uwi na tayo?” he asked.

“No, okay lang,” sagot ko.

“At saka sure ka ba na ayaw mong sumunod kina Jax sa Japan? Okay lang naman akong maiwan,” sabi niya.

Today’s Katherine’s wedding and Jax really got away by dragging Rory to Japan with him. He asked me if I wanted to come, but I knew that it would coincide with Iñigo’s celebration and as much as I love Jax, I’d choose to be with Iñigo.

Isa pa, that trip’s for the brokenhearted. Hindi ako makaka-relate sa kanilang dalawa.

“No,” I said.

Napa-tingin kaming dalawa kay Gracey na nagmakeface. Minsan parang bata talaga…

“Ano’ng problema nun?” natatawang tanong ni Iñigo.

“Pinipilit na magpost tayo ng picture sa facebook. Napapagod na raw siyang maging tanungan kung single ka.”

Iñigo laughed. “Tayo laging problema ni Gracey. Sabihin mo nga kay Chester bigyan ng problema,” he said and then kissed the top of my head again. “Basta housemates tayo. Bahala na sila sa iisipin nila.”

Tumingin siya sa ’kin.

“Speaking of housemates… Ayaw mo pa bang lumipat ng apartment? Tumaas na ’yung sweldo ko. Lipat na tayo sa mas malaki?” he asked.

“Bakit tayo lilipat?”

“Wala lang… Baka gusto mo lang sa mas magandang lugar.”

“No, it’s fine.”

“Sure ka? Kasi nagta-trabaho akong mabuti para mabigay ko lahat ng gusto mo.”

“I know.”

“And? May gusto ka ba?”

I was about to tell him that I didn’t want anything else nang mapa-tingin kami sa isa’t-isa dahil narinig namin iyong pangalan ni Katherine at Kier. They were discussing about the wedding that’s happening right now.

“Ikaw, hindi ka ba aattend sa kasal talaga?”

Iñigo said na hindi na sila nag-uusap ni Katherine, but he still received an invitation. But he said na pag-iisipan pa niya kung pupunta siya dahil alam niya na kapag pumunta siya roon ay makikita niya iyong mga ka-frat niya na matagal niya ng tinataguan.

“Hindi,” Iñigo replied. “Pero nandun naman si Deanne.”

I shrugged. Ano’ng magagawa ko kung ayaw niya?

Iñigo’s arm snaked around my waist, pulling me closer. I felt him kiss the side of my head.

“Papaalam lang ako tapos uwi na tayo,” bulong niya sa ’kin.

“Mukhang ’di pa kayo tapos magcelebrate. Mauna na lang ako,” I offered.

I understand office politics. Okay lang naman sa akin na magstay si Iñigo. Kahit naman ako minsan napapa-stay ng matagal sa office kapag may mga ganito. Umiinom din ako minsan kasi kailangan, but Iñigo always picks me up after 2 hours. That’s my limit.

“No, uwi na tayo,” he said, kissing my cheek again before going to his colleagues para magpaalam.

Habang pauwi kami ay narinig namin ni Iñigo na binabalita sa radyo iyong tungkol sa kasal ni Katherine. It seemed like Jax was right in leaving the country dahil kalat na kalat sa balita iyong kasal. It’s starting to feel like a national concern, this Ramirez-Arellano wedding.

“I really thought she’d marry Jax,” I said.

“Ako rin,” Iñigo replied. “Nung nasa law school pa kami, lagi ’yung sumisilip sa classroom niyo.”

“I know,” I said dahil nakikita ko si Katherine dati na parang tangang pabalik-balik sa harap ng classroom namin para sumulyap kay Jax.

“Pero baka masaya naman siya ngayon. Pinakasalan, e.”

I shrugged. Whatever may happen, I hoped she made the right call.

---

People say that time flies when you’re having fun.

And I was having the time of my life.

Iñigo’s work as a prosecutor was doing great and I just got promoted again… Pero kasalukuyan kaming naglilipat ng gamit dahil gusto ni Iñigo na lumipat ng apartment. Because with his track record, binibigyan na siya ng mas mabibigat na kaso. He just received the Carson case—iyong kaka-huli lang na drug lord from China.

And he knew that things were starting to change.

Kaya naman naka-tayo kami ngayon sa gitna ng bago naming apartment—double the rent of our previous apartment, but Iñigo insisted dahil mas safe dito kaysa sa dati naming lugar.

“Cha,” he said while we’re opening the boxes containing our things.

“What?” I asked while I was trying to figure out kung paano namin aayusin ’tong apartment namin. We’re both really busy. Pareho kaming halos sa trabaho na naka-tira. Paano kami hahanap ng oras para ayusin ’yung gamit namin?

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think we should hire people to arrange our things,” I said as I lost hope while looking at all our things. Living together for almost 4 years, ang dami na naming gamit.

Hindi sumagot si Iñigo kaya napa-tingin ako sa kanya.

“Iñigo,” I called because he’s in deep thought.

“Ha?”

“Sabi ko hindi natin kayang ayusin ’to. May pasok pa tayo sa Monday,” I told him.

“Ah… Sige, kung gusto mo,” sagot niya. Naka-tingin ako sa kanya, hinihintay kung ano ang gusto niyang sabihin dahil halata sa itsura niya niya. “Cha…” pagtawag niya ulit sa pangalan ko. “Kuha ka na ng license para sa baril.”

“I already told you ayokong humawak ng baril.”

“I know… Pero ’yung mga binibigay kasi na kaso sa ’kin puro mabigat na… Tapos alam naman nila na ikaw ’yung—” sabi niya at biglang napa-hinto. “Please? Kahit para sa peace of mind ko lang.”

Hindi ako naka-sagot agad.

Ayokong humawak ng baril. I felt like it’d do me more harm than good. Paano kung aksidente kong makalabit? Paano kung may mabaril ako na hindi dapat? They’re just so many things I needed to consider.

“I’ll think about it,” I replied.

“Thank you,” he said. “Sorry kung nadadamay ka sa trabaho ko.”

I rolled my eyes as I continued to unpack. “Baliw.”

Then I felt him hugging me from behind. “Sorry na, hindi ako kasing tapang mo,” he said, placing a kiss on my nape. “Kapag damay ka na, ibang usapan na ’yun.”

I held his hands.

“I’ll be okay,” I assured him.

Ever since he became a prosecutor, it’s been his nightmare. Muntik na siyang magresign nung unang beses na maka-tanggap ako ng death threat dahil sa isang kaso na hawak niya. I tried to ignore it, but the same one came the next day…

And Iñigo was so mad.

He’s scary when he’s mad.

He’s like an entirely different person.

But I knew that he loves his job… and I’d never ask him to give up something that he loves.

Huh.

Maybe I’d end up owning a gun, after all.

Or maybe a pocket knife, if Iñigo would compromise.

---

Days passed and we’re still not done with unpacking.

Sa sobrang busy namin ay hindi na namin naasikaso na maghanap ng mag-aayos… And we’re a bit hesitant dahil may mga importanteng documents na kasama doon. God. Mabubuhay yata kami sa paligid ng mga karton hanggang maka-hanap kami ng oras sa pag-aayos.

“Cha, donate na lang kaya natin ’yung mga gamit? Ang dami talaga,” problemadong sabi ni Iñigo.

“This weekend kailangang matapos na natin ’to,” I told him.

“Okay…” sabi niya sabay hatak sa akin pabalik sa kwarto—iyong nag-iisang lugar sa apartment namin na maayos.

Iñigo quickly showered kisses on my neck while he was busy trying to get me naked again. I seriously wonder where he’s getting all the energy. Pareho lang naman kaming nagta-trabaho, pero wala ako ng lakas na kagaya ng sa kanya. I’d always end up falling asleep dahil ayaw niyang tumigil.

“May meeting ako bukas,” I said while I was feeling his fingers in me.

“Ako rin naman,” he answered while licking my neck. “May arraignment ako bukas at saka ’di pa nagagalaw ’yung cases sa mesa ko, Atty. Viste.”

Iñigo’s mouth wandered around until he reached his favorite spot. I held his head in place as I was trying to even my breathing.

“Nagpa-sched ka na ng leave?” I breathed as his tongue did its magic.

Itinaas niya iyong ulo niya at tumango. “Yes, Queen Elsa. Five days sa September. Lock and loaded. Walang makaka-pigil.”

I rolled my eyes.

We’d been so busy with work na minsan hindi na talaga kami nagkikita dahil pagdating niya o pagdating ko, tulog na. We really needed to have a vacation. Napapagod na rin ako.

Iñigo resumed his duty. I was breathing heavily. I thought I was about to reach climax when I suddenly felt him thrusting inside. Agad na napa-awang ang labi ko. God, I’d really never get used to him.

“Cha…” he moaned while thrusting.

“Hmm?”

“Tuloy pa rin ba ’yung deal?” he breathed. “Na kapag nanalo ako sa case… walang condom?”

I nodded.

He stopped and removed the condom and got in again.

Iñigo and his positive reinforcement. Always needing a prize every time he does something commendable.

---

Like always, I fell asleep at around 2am because I was dead tired.

I woke up at around 7am from the vibration from my phone. I opened my eyes and saw that Iñigo’s already gone. Nauna ng pumasok sa trabaho.

Agad na kumunot ang noo ko nang makita ko iyong pangalan ni Jax sa cellphone ko. Bakit siya tumatawag ng ganito kaaga?

“Jax?” I asked, my voice still hoarse from last night.

“Cha…”

My system became alert. His voice… sounded off.

“Why?” I asked, standing up. “Ano’ng meron?”

“Are you free right now? Can you come to my condo?”

“Okay,” I replied. I sat on the table and opened my laptop and quickly typed an email to the HR saying that I wouldn’t be able to make it today. “I’ll be there in an hour. Ano’ng meron?”

My heart was beating so loudly.

I felt shivers in my spine.

His silence was unnerving.

“Katherine…” he said, his voice barely audible. “She’s a suspect in parricide. I don’t think I can do this alone. I need your help.”

Fuck.

“Okay,” I said. “Calm down. Stay where you are. Nandyan na ako in 30 minutes, okay? No, I’ll be there in 20,” I said, but he didn’t answer. “Did you hear me, Jax? Stay where you are. Papunta na ako.”

Pero hindi siya sumagot.

Chapter 47

#CTG47 Chapter 47

My whole body was shaking from the conversation I just had with Jax. Pinilit kong huminga nang maayos. He’s already panicking and I couldn’t panic, too. One of us has to be level headed. One of us has to see the bigger picture. And he couldn’t be that.

If it’s Katherine related, Jax is far from level headed.

I took a quick shower and changed into formal clothes. I didn’t know what Jax meant or what he needed from me, but I figured we’d go to Katherine… o kung anuman ang kailangan niya sa akin. If the Ramirez kid was involved, then this was going to be a huge case. The press was invested in that family—from election news to rape cases to murder cases and now, parricide.

That family…

God, I thought it was dangerous for Katherine when she decided to marry in that family, but I never actually thought this would be the trouble she’d get in.

Nang maka-labas ako ay nagulat ako pagkakita ko kay Iñigo. He was sitting on the sofa and there was a stick of cigarette in his hand and an almost empty pack beside him.

“Don’t smoke,” I said.

Agad siyang napa-tingin sa akin. His eyes looked different. Even his breathing felt different.

“Hey,” he said, still holding the stick of cigarette in his hand. “Maaga pa, ah. Saan ka pupunta?”

I looked at him as I pressed my lips together. I couldn’t tell him where I was going. He’s working for the Office of the Prosecutor… I didn’t want to put him in an impossible situation.

God, please don’t let him be the prosecutor. Wala akong pakielam kahit sino basta lang ’wag siya. I really wish that he’d just focus on the Carson case because that was also a high-profile case. He didn’t need to be involved in this one.

“Jax,” I simply said, still not wanting to lie. “And please, stop with the cigarette.”

But he didn’t listen. Instead, he blew on the cigarette again.

“Wag ka ngang manigarilyo sa harap ko,” I angrily said.

“Tapusin ko lang ’to,” sagot niya habang sinusuklay iyong buhok niya gamit ang mga daliri niya. “Please?” he asked. “I… just really need this one, Cha.”

Huminga ako nang malalim.

“You can’t smoke in front of me,” I said, looking directly into his eyes. “Iñigo, I’m pregnant.”

I saw how the stick fell from his hand and on to the sofa. I thought he was going to pick it up, but he seemed… stupefied. Mabilis akong naglakad at kinuha iyon para itapon. I opened the windows to let the smoke out.

I looked at Iñigo who was still trying to process everything. This shouldn’t be a complete shock to him… We weren’t actively trying to have a kid, but we’re also not completely not trying. We just didn’t have the courage to consciously decide on having a baby because that meant putting a stall in our career—dahil aminin man namin o hindi, I’d have to take a back seat if I get pregnant.

And I wasn’t too excited about that.

I love my job. I love working. I love solving cases. I love finding loopholes. I love everything about my work.

So every time he’d win a case, we’d have unprotected sex…

Para kapag nabuntis, then that’s the universe telling us it’s go time.

And he’s been winning a lot of cases lately… kaya bakit parang gulat na gulat siya?

“Iñigo,” I said when seconds passed and I still didn’t hear anything from him. “I really hope there’s a better opportunity so we can fully discuss this, pero may kailangan talaga akong puntahan. I’ll just see you later, okay?”

I was about to grab my car key nang biglang tumayo si Iñigo at pumasok ng kwarto. He called my name before I could even get out of the apartment.

“Cha,” he said.

Tumingin ako sa kanya, tahimik na naghihintay kung ano ang sasabihin niya. But even then, it’s as if I could hear the ticking of the clock inside my head. Alam ko na kailangan ako ni Jax ngayon… but something about Iñigo was throwing me off.

“May… bago bang na-assign na case sa ’yo?” I had to ask.

“Wala pa,” tahimik niyang sagot.

“Okay… Pero kailangan ko ng umalis,” sabi ko.

But my feet couldn’t take a single step.

My eyes wouldn’t leave his face.

“Let’s get married,” he suddenly said. My eyes widened a little, but even before I could say anything, he quickly got out a navy-blue velvet box and opened it, revealing a silver ring with a small diamond in the middle. “I know…” he began as his eyes turned red. “Shit. Alam ko hindi ’to ’yung tamang panahon, but please, agree to marry me? Fuck. Wait. Mali pala,” he continued and then got down on his knee. “Charisse Faith Viste, I know our relationship is not the general rule when it comes to standards of relationship… but I believe that we’re the exception to the general rule and my love for you is the exception to the exception—”

“Okay,” I said.

He blinked. “Okay?”

“We’re living together and we’re going to have a child—this is just a formality,” I said as stood up and put the ring on my finger. He quickly enveloped me in his arms and I could feel the sigh of relief coming from him.

“I love you,” he whispered in my ears.

“I concur,” I replied.

“God, I love you so much,” he repeated before cupping my face and kissing me for a few seconds.

“Iñigo, I have to go,” I reminded him.

He nodded. “Yeah,” he said with a little smile. “I love you, Cha. Always remember that.”

I gave him a quick kiss before I headed out. Hindi ko maiwasang mapa-tingin sa kamay ko at hindi ko mapigilang mapa-ngiti tuwing makikita ko iyong singsing na bigay niya.

I always knew that he’d propose.

We share the same room and Iñigo’s not good at hiding things. Matagal ko ng nakita ’tong singsing. I was just waiting for him to give me this. This would have been perfect if it happened on a day other than this… but I’d take it. At least we’re engaged.

I was about to drive to Jax’s condo, but he sent a text that he’s in Batangas. I knew that this wouldn’t be good. I knew that this would be a big problem. But he’s always had my back and I’d never leave him and would give him whatever he needed from me.

Because I know that he’d do just the same for me.

Pagdating ko pa lang ay nakita ko si Jax na naka-tayo sa isang gilid. He looked like he was desperately trying to get himself together. Even from a distance, I could see him holding his trembling hand as if he was begging himself to calm down.

And his eyes… they were red.

Red with anger.

I’d never seen that before.

“Jax, what happened?” I asked.

I could see the trembling of his lips.

How tears threatened to fall again.

“How do you kill a dead man?” he asked.

Bigla akong kinabahan. What was happening?

Gusto kong magtanong pero hindi ko magawa dahil sa itsura ni Jax. His hands were still shaking, but I could see him trying to get himself together.

“Do you know if Iñigo is the prosecutor of this case?” he asked, sounding different. He looked like he’s doing his best to be calm and be rational about this.

“I asked him. Ibang case iyong hawak niya.”

“That’s good to hear,” he said. He’s sounding like the lawyer that he is. Huminga siya nang malalim. “I know what I’m about to ask is a lot—”

“And I agree, but I’ll do it, anyway.”

“Sigurado ka ba?”

“Yes. Now, what do you need from me?”

Jax tried… God, he really tried to tell me what happened, but every time he began, he’d immediately stop like he couldn’t bring himself to tell me what Katherine just told him.

I forced Jax calm down because that’s the only way. He nodded and took a few seconds to gather himself. Nang matapos siya ay nilabas niya iyong cellphone niya.

“Yago,” Jax said.

What the hell did happen for Jax to bother Yago?

“Yeah… Sorry to call you, but I have a favor to ask,” he continued. “I have a problem and I need you to come home… Yes. Thank you.”

And then the call ended.

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. Pinunasan niya iyong luha niya nang mabilis bago humugot nang malalim na hininga. I was thankful that Iñigo wasn’t the prosecutor… because I’d hate to see them in the opposite sides of the court.

Jax is great… but Iñigo’s been doing this for a while now and he’s actually really good at it…

When he finally calmed down ay pumasok na kami sa loob ng presinto. Agad kong nakita iyong mga kaibigan ni Katherine. They asked Jax, but they couldn’t get an answer for him because he’s lost in his thoughts.

“Is he going to be okay?” Anj asked.

“He’ll pull himself together. He needs to,” I replied. Tumingin ako kay Jax. “Let’s go,” I told him.

Wala pang masyadong media. There’s a news blackout. We needed to get on top of things before they get out of control and blew out of proportion.

“Kakausapin ko muna siya,” Jax said.

I nodded as I let him have a word with Katherine. I talked to the police first, and asked about the initial investigation. Agad na sumakit ang ulo ko nang marinig ko iyong alam nila. With Katherine as the only viable suspect, this would be hard…

Kaya naman pala tuliro si Jax.

“Okay na?” I asked when he got out of the interrogation room. He didn’t answer, but only nodded.

I drew a deep breath before I got inside. I felt like the air got knocked out of my chest nang makita ko si Katherine. Hindi naka-takas sa paningin ko iyong posas sa kamay niya… Iyong bakas ng dugo roon…

And that defeated look on her face…

Like she’s so tired and she just wanted to give up.

I smiled at her. I couldn’t let her see that I was actually worried to see her in such a state.

“I never thought we’d see each other again like this,” I began. She looked at me with utmost surprise and I couldn’t blame her… We weren’t exactly friends. We’re far from friends… but Jax loves her and for that alone, I’d do my best to get her out of here.

Huminga ako nang malalim bago muling tumingin sa kanya.

It’s time to be professional.

“Why… are you here?” she asked.

“Jax called me,” I said with a small smile on my face. She needed to know that no matter how… hopeless she felt, Jax still has her back. He always has. Hindi naman nagbago iyon.

Jax has always been hers.

I’d seen that guy turn down girls left and right and made his job the center of his life… all for Katherine. Tanga lang ang hindi makaka-kita nun.

She bit her lower lip. “Ah…”

Napailing na lang ako. Her imagination must be running wild. I couldn’t blame her though… Ilang beses na rin kaming napagkamalan ni Jax dahil madalas kaming magkasama. Kahit naman si Rory ay pagod na pagod na ring ideny na sila ni Jax. And other people outside my family and friends didn’t really know about Iñigo.

I raised my hand, showing a ring on my finger.

I needed to clarify na wala akong interes kay Jax dahil baka instead na sa kaso ang focus ni Katherine ay ito pa ang isipin niya.

“I’m already engaged… but not to Jax. That guy’s too broken for me to fix,” I clarified. “I’m just here as his associate, Katherine.”

Hindi pa rin siya nagsasalita.

It felt so different.

She felt so different.

Para siyang… kandilang paubos.

“I… I kinda feel responsible for your break-up.”

“Don’t blame yourself. It was my choice,” she quickly cut me off.

She smiled, at least she’s still got that spirit… no matter how waning. “Still—”

“He’s a lawyer now. We got what we both wanted.”

I pursed my lips. “Right.” Then I paused. “I’m here because… Frankly, I’m here because Jax called to say that he needed a rational perspective. He’s too emotionally invested in this case.”

“I doubt that,” she said like she believed it.

Hindi ko pa rin maintindihan kung paano sila umabot sa ganito… Kami ni Iñigo, we’d had our fair share of fights, but it’s always been easy to go back to him.

One sincere apology and promise to change, bumalik na agad ako.

It’s futile to fight it.

Sa kanya rin naman ang bagsak ko.

“Do you really think that, Katherine?” I asked her. “Because I just saw him before I got here. I’d known him since law school. I’d seen him get shouted at by countless of professors. I’d seen him argue in court. I’d seen him listen to sob stories from his pro-bono cases. That guy doesn’t cry. Ngayon lang. Ikaw lang ang nagpaiyak sa kanya. Tell me, do you still think you’re right?”

Hindi siya naka-sagot.

“Listen to me, okay?” I said. “Jax cares about you. A lot. So please, stop with the pity party because pity never won a case.”

She still stared at me.

“Did you hear me?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Now, answer my question honestly, so I can help you,” I said before I got a pen and paper. “I know Jax asked you about this already, pero minsan, may mga nakaka-limutan o biglang naalala.”

She nodded.

I began to ask her questions when the door swung open. Sabay kaming napa-tingin sa pagpasok ni Jax. His eyes weren’t red anymore, but he’s just faking it.

“Jax,” I said. “I pulled files from similar cases. Ifa-file na raw nung prosec iyong case. Hopefully, mapunta tayo sa maayos na judge.”

But Jax wasn’t listening.

His eyes were on Katherine. How it must suck to see her like this… The person you love in shackles.

“I’m sure you two have a lot to talk about, but I think we need to settle our priorities here,” I cut in. “We need to brief Katherine sa kung ano ang sasabihin niya mamaya.”

Jax clenched his jaw. I could see his rapid breathing. “Tell us what happened that night,” he whispered… barely uttering the words as if he didn’t want to hear them.

I looked at Katherine and urged her to begin. I already knew that she allegedly killed Kieran Ramirez… but to hear the story straight from her made me want to throw up.

Paano mo magagawa ang bagay na ’yun sa taong mahal mo?

How… can you even claim to love someone when you hurt them?

I know I’m not the expert on love… but even I know that you don’t hurt the person you love.

Not consciously; not repeatedly.

You try to do the opposite.

You take care of them… not this.

---

When Jax asked me to leave the room, napa-sandal ako at huminga nang malalim.

I’d seen cases like this… but it’s different when you know the person who’s at the receiving end of the accusation. Pakiramdam ko ay bigla akong nahilo at napa-hawak sa tiyan ko.

“Hang in there,” I told my baby. “We need to help your ninong.”

Agad akong lumabas dahil pakiramdam ko ay kailangan ko ng sariwang hangin. I stood on one side, just trying to clear my head because I knew that I’d be needing a clear head for this case.

I still needed to figure out a way around this. Hindi ako papayagan sa trabaho ko na tumulong dito dahil nasa contract ko na exclusive ako sa kanila…

And it’s not as if I could make a case that Katherine’s going to be my pro-bono case because we’re all aware that she’s the owner of the biggest logistics company in the country.

Sumasakit na agad ang ulo ko.

I tried to call Rory but she wasn’t answering. Hindi talaga siya sumasagot ng tawag kapag nasa trabaho because she’s dead set on showing her firm that they didn’t make a mistake when they hired her… She may not talk about it, but I know that her BAR result did a number on her confidence.

Pero siya lang naman ang nag-iisip nun. Alam namin ni Jax na kung hindi ganoon ang nangyari, she’d have a high score… Dahil kilala namin si Rory. Maingay lang siya kagaya ni Yago, but she works her ass off.

I was in the middle of trying to call Rory again when my eyes focused on the car. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang makita ko iyong pamilyar na license number.

Shit, Iñigo.

Shit.

Agad akong lumapit sa sasakyan niya.

Nakita ko na hindi na siya nagulat nang makita niya ako.

“Iñigo… why are you here?” I calmly asked.

“Cha, not now,” he replied.

“You told me na walang bagong case na assigned sa ’yo—” I paused. “Did you fucking lie to me?”

“You know I can’t talk to you about work,” he said. “And I didn’t lie to you. Cha, please… Gusto ko lang magtrabaho.”

Nanatiling naka-awang ang labi ko, hindi alam ang sasabihin sa kanya. His phone vibrated. I saw the name of his boss. So… it already reached the high ups.

“Yes, Sir?” Iñigo replied.

I gave him one last look before I went back inside because I needed to warn Jax about this fucking surprise. Pero bago pa man ako makapagsalita ay mabilis na naka-sunod sa akin si Iñigo. I saw the alarm in Jax’s eyes when he saw him.

Because we both knew how good Iñigo is…

And how harder this just got.

“Mrs. Ramirez, Atty. Yuchengco… I’ll be the prosecutor for this case,” Iñigo said, staring directly into Katherine who looked like the world just descended on her. Because of all people, Iñigo, her friend back in law school, will be her prosecutor.

God, Iñigo! Mamaya ka sa ’kin sa apartment!

Chapter 48

#CTG48 Chapter 48

“Cha…”

Agad akong napa-tingin sa pinanggalingan ng boses. I saw Iñigo who looked like he’d just had the hardest day of his life. Dahan-dahan siyang lumakad patungo sa akin at ibinaba ang briefcase niya sa sahig.

“I’ve had a long day,” he said, sounding so defeated. “Pwedeng payakap muna bago mo ako sigawan?”

Hindi ako gumalaw.

But Iñigo closed the gap between us and enveloped me in his arms. I felt him relaxing as he got me near. I could feel the rising and falling of his chest.

Hindi ko mabilang kung ilang segundo kaming ganon. Walang gumagalaw. Walang nagsasalita. Hindi alam kung saan magsisimula.

I felt how he didn’t want to let go… but he let me go, anyway.

“Why?” I asked.

“I had to,” he replied.

“No, you didn’t have to. You could’ve inhibited yourself.”

Tumingin siya sa akin. “Cha—”

“She’s your friend, Iñigo. You saw her earlier. You saw how devastated she was when she saw you.”

I saw how his lips trembled.

I saw how his jaw clenched.

I knew he didn’t want this… but I needed to understand why.

“I had to. That’s my only answer.”

I pressed my lips and drew a deep breath. “She’s your friend—”

“She’s my friend and you’re my family, Cha. I chose you and if I had to make a choice again, I’ll still fucking choose you, okay? ’Wag na nating pag-usapan ’to kasi tapos na. Nagawa ko na. Tinanggap ko na ’yung kaso,” mabilis na sabi niya bago ako iniwan at dumiretso sa kwarto.

My lips parted at his sudden outburst. I quickly had to collect myself and follow him inside.

“Iñigo,” I called, but he was ignoring me. “Iñigo, kinaka-usap kita.”

But he was ignoring me as he was changing clothes. Muli akong huminga nang malalim. I needed to talk to him. He could still give this up. Hindi lang siya ang prosecutor. At hindi ko alam kung paano nilang nagawa na siya ang prosecutor sa kaso na ’to. But it’s the Ramirez. Of course the devil finds ways.

Sinubukan niyang lumabas ng kwarto pagkatapos niyang magbihis, pero mabilis ko siyang hinarangan. He looked at me—frustration was evident on his face.

“Cha,” he said.

“Ipasa mo sa iba.”

“I can’t.”

“You can’t or you won’t?” I asked him.

He looked at me.

I could see the conflict on his eyes.

“Just… just be angry at me, okay? Mas kaya kong tanggapin ’yun,” sabi niya bago mabilis na nilagpasan ako. He went to the ref and opened it to look for food. I was starting to share the frustration he was feeling. But I needed to control myself. I couldn’t get mad. I shouldn’t get mad.

Agad akong napa-hawak sa tiyan ko.

And when I looked at Iñigo, I saw him watching me.

“Cha, I’m sorry,” he said, his voice on the verge of breaking once again. “Alam ko magagalit ka… Alam ko madi-disappoint ka… Pero mas kaya ko ’yung tanggapin kaysa may kung ano’ng mangyari sa ’yo… sa anak natin…”

I stood there, watching him battle the tears as they stubbornly form in his eyes.

I’d seen this man cry a couple of times…

But this was the only instance when he felt so utterly helpless…

“What did they tell you?”

“That they know where we live,” he said as a tear fell from his eye, pero mabilis niyang pinunasan ’yun.

“I can handle myself. I know what I got myself into. It’s part of the job.”

“Alam ko,” sagot niya. “Kaya nga tinanggihan ko nung una. Dahil alam kong kaya mo. Dahil alam kong ito mismo ’yung sasabihin mo… Pero, Cha, magkaka-anak na tayo. Hindi na lang ikaw ’yan. Dalawa na kayo.”

Hindi ako maka-sagot.

I knew he was right.

I knew I was making a stupid decision.

But I also knew that I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I leave Jax when he needed me the most.

“Naiintindihan mo ba ako, Cha?”

Hindi ako sumagot.

Lumapit siya sa akin.

Naramdaman ko iyong yakap niya.

“Nawalan na ko ng pamilya dati, Cha… Sorry pero hindi na ako papayag na mawala ulit ’yun… Wala na akong pakielam kahit magalit silang lahat sa ’kin… kahit magalit ka sa ’kin… Basta gagawin ko lahat para walang mangyari sa inyong dalawa…”

I didn’t even know that my tears were already falling.

Then, I felt Iñigo trembling.

“I’m sorry,” he kept on repeating.

I wanted to tell him that it’s okay… that I understood him… but I couldn’t bring myself to do that because although I understood him, I didn’t feel okay about it…

I knew that when all this was over, he’d then feel the repercussions of his decision. He’d feel the regret. Lalo na kapag nanalo siya. Kapag nakulong si Katherine at siya ang naging dahilan.

---

“Cha, ano’ng gusto mong dinner? Oorder na lang ako,” sabi niya sa akin habang tahimik akong nag-aayos ng gamit namin. I received a text from Jax asking me to come tomorrow. Kakarating lang daw ni Yago and we needed to plan the defense.

“Cha—”

“Tatapusin ko lang ’to.”

I felt him sitting beside me. He began helping me sort the papers. Narinig ko ang mahinang pagtawa niya kaya naman napa-tingin ako sa kanya.

“Yung contracts mo,” he said, showing me the papers that I made him sign years ago. “Ito ’yung sa BAR slave contract… iyong sa fuck buddy contract…” Then he laughed a little. “Sana next na ’yung marriage contract, noh?”

I merely looked at him.

He smiled sadly.

“Papa-kasalan mo pa rin naman ako, ’di ba?” he asked, but quickly added, “Wag mo na palang sagutin muna. Tapusin muna natin ’to.”

Silence enveloped us once again.

I wanted to tell him that I’d still marry him because my feelings didn’t change… but he was right. We shouldn’t talk about that now. Not yet. Things were about to get messy. Hindi namin alam pareho kung ano ang mangyayari.

Iñigo ordered food. I was still sitting on the floor, trying to finish this para umayos naman kahit konti iyong apartment namin.

“Cha, kain na tayo.”

“Hindi pa ako tapos.”

“Mamaya na ’yan. Kailangan mong kumain.”

“After—”

“Cha, buntis ka,” he said, as though I needed reminding.

Mabilis akong tumayo. I sat there quietly as Iñigo put food on my plate. I felt him watching my every movement. Binilisan ko ang pagkain at bumalik sa ginagawa ko.

After a while, I decided to get my laptop and work in the bed room. I needed to finish my pendings dahil kailangan kong dumiretso agad sa condo ni Jax pagkatapos ng trabaho ko. And I could already see how stressful that would be kapag nagkita sina Yago at Rory.

It’s like the calm ended and the storm finally began.

I was in the middle of working when the door swung open. I felt Iñigo watching me, but I didn’t remove my eyes on the screen of my laptop.

“Cha, nagpa-check-up ka na ba?”

“I have an appointment tomorrow.”

“Pwede akong sumama?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you.”

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya.

“Why are you thanking me? You’re still the father of this fetus.”

Mahina siyang natawa.

Pero sandali lang.

“Ano’ng oras? Susunduin na lang kita sa trabaho.”

“Wag na.”

“Sabay na tayong pumunta sa clinic,” he said.

“I’ll drive myself. Magkita na lang tayo ’dun.”

“Are you—”

“Kailangan ko pang pumunta kina Jax after,” I said, cutting him off. “You’re part of the prosecution and I’m part of the defense team. Let’s just… separate that from this, okay?”

Naka-tingin lang siya sa ’kin.

“Cha… Kailangan ba talagang kasama ka ’dun?”

“Yes.”

Tumango siya. “Okay. Magkita na lang tayo bukas,” he said as he turned around and left the room.

---

The next morning was different from our usual mornings. It was tensed and silent. Our usual mornings would start with shower sex, but this particular morning, tahimik kaming dalawang kumakain ng breakfast. Walang nagsasalita.

His phone lightened up and flood of texts came in. I read the name Ramirez from one of the texts, and Iñigo quickly slipped the phone in his pocket.

“Mag-e-early out ako, Cha. Text kita kapag nasa clinic na ako.”

“Okay.”

“Sure ka ba na ayaw mong magpa-sundo? Pwede naman kitang ihatid kina Jax—”

“It’s not that. Ayoko na magkita kayo.”

Agad siyang natigilan.

“Right…” he said, fixing a smile on his face. “Sige, magkita na lang tayo ’dun…”

“Thank you.”

He looked at me. “Alam ko hindi ka naman makikinig sa ’kin… pero ’wag ka muna sanang maging sobrang tapang ngayon, Cha… Kahit ngayon lang… Kahit para sa anak lang natin…”

I pressed my lips. “I’ll take care of myself,” I said. “I promise.”

He smiled—just a little. “Thank you.”

After breakfast, I went to work and decided that it was the best distraction from everything. I concentrated on that until it was time to leave. I was still troubled kung paano ko sasabihin na tumutulong ako sa case ni Katherine dahil alam ko na hindi ako papayagan…

But that’s a risk that I’d just have to take.

Hanggang hindi pa nila alam, ayoko munang isipin.

Pagdating ko sa clinic, agad kong nakita iyong sasakyan ni Iñigo. Lumabas agad siya nang makita niyang nagpapark na ako.

“Hi,” he said, kissing my cheek.

“Medyo traffic,” I said because I was a few minutes late.

“Okay lang. Sabi ni Rina ’di mo raw naubos ’yung lunch mo.”

I rolled my eyes. Hindi ko alam kung kaninong assistant talaga si Rina. Bakit mas kay Iñigo siya nagrereport?

“Nagtakeout ako ng pares. Dalhin mo na lang kina Jax tapos doon mo kainin.”

“Okay.”

“May cravings ka ba?” he asked habang naglalakad kami papasok ng clini.

“Wala naman.”

“Kapag meron, sabihan mo ako agad.”

“Okay.”

Pagpasok namin, sakto na kami na agad kaya naman pumasok na agad kami sa loob. The doctor greeted us and Iñigo was fidgeting beside me. The doctor smiled.

“First time daddy?” she asked Iñigo.

“Yes, doc,” Iñigo replied, smiling. “Kailan malalaman kung babae o lalaki, doc?”

“Around 16 to 20 weeks. Check muna natin kung ilang weeks na si misis,” the doctor said.

Sobrang daming tanong ni Iñigo kaya naman wala na akong naitanong dahil siya na ang nagtanong ng lahat mula sa mga bawal kong gawin o kainin pati sa mga vitamins at gamot. All I did was to answer the few questions directed at me and followed the other instructions.

“Medyo malamig ’to, mommy,” the doctor said.

I felt Iñigo holding my hand habang naka-tingin kaming pareho doon sa maliit na monitor. My heart stopped when I heard heartbeats. Naramdaman ko ang paghigpit ng hawak ni Iñigo sa kamay ko.

“Naririnig niyo ’yun? That’s the heartbeat of your baby.”

I looked at Iñigo.

His eyes were teary again.

“Ikaw yata ang buntis. Ang iyakin mo,” I told him.

Iñigo laughed, wiping his tear with his free hand. He leaned in and planted a kiss on my lips. “Thank you, Cha.”

“You’re welcome.”

He bit his lower lip. There was a hint of amusement on his face.

“I love you,” he whispered in my ear. “Mahal ko kayo ni baby.”

“We love you, too,” I whispered back.

Ramdam kong natigilan siya. Muli niya akong hinalikan.

Iñigo was very focused habang may mga pinapaliwanag sa amin si doc. He even put in his calendar the dates that we’re expected to come back for the follow-up check-up. Siya rin iyong kumuha nung listahan ng mga gamot na kailangang bilhin pati iyong mga gatas at vitamins.

“Kung pagod ka na mamaya, text mo na lang ako para sunduin ka tapos daanan na lang natin bukas ’yung sasakyan mo,” he said while he’s walking me back to my car. Kaka-bigay niya lang sa akin nung paper bag na may pares at rice. Bigla akong nagutom.

“Okay,” I replied.

“Uwi ka na ng 10. Sabi ni doc bawal kang mapuyat.”

“I’ll try.”

“Cha,” he warned.

“Fine… Uuwi agad ako.”

“Thank you,” he said. “May gusto ka bang ulam? Dadaan muna ako sa grocery bago umuwi.”

I stood there for a couple of minutes, telling him all the food that I wanted to eat. Bigla akong nagutom kaya sinabi ko lahat ng naisip kong pagkain. Iñigo listed all the food down. Ilang minuto rin kaming naka-tayo roon.

“Wala na?” he asked when I was already finished.

“Wala na… Text kita kapag may naisip pa ako.”

“Okay,” he replied. “Magtext ka kapag pauwi ka na, ha? Hihintayin kita.”

I nodded. “Oo nga,” I said, getting inside the car. I rolled the window down dahil naka-tayo pa rin siya sa labas ng sasakyan ko. “Iñigo,” I called. He looked at me. “Take care, okay? I don’t know what they promised you… but you know they can’t be trusted.”

He leaned in and held my chin, kissing my lips.

“I will. See you later, Cha.”

“See you,” I said as I drove to Jax’s condo, bracing myself because there’s another problem named Yago and Rory.

Chapter 49

#CTG49 Chapter 49

“Hi, Cha!”

I looked at Yago and for some reason, I immediately felt pissed. I mean, he wasn’t my favorite person, but I never felt this… pissed. It’s like looking at him alone was enough to break my day.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko.

No.

Pinaglilihian ko ba si Yago?

Dapat si Iñigo ang kamukha ng anak ko!

Agad akong tumalikod para hindi ko makita si Yago at doon naupo sa kitchen area. Rinig na rinig ko ang tawa ni Yago, but I chose to ignore him. I needed to work already dahil kailangang maka-alis na ako rito by 9pm. Because by the looks of it, hihintayin pa ako ni Iñigo sa apartment bago siya kumain.

“Cha!” tawag na naman ni Yago sa akin. Suddenly, he’s right in front of me already. “Wala man lang akong welcome hug?”

“Si Rory ang yakapin mo.”

He frowned. “Ouch.”

“Nagkita na kayo?”

Umiling siya. “No. Aalis din ako mamaya kapag parating na siya,” he said, sitting on the chair. Thankfully, Yago kept quiet nang sabay na kaming nagbabasa nung initial reports. I knew that we’re going to have a hard time with this dahil magaling talagang prosecutor si Iñigo. He’s got the eye for details. One minor detail that can change the whole tenor of the case. Pansin ko na ’yun nung nasa law school pa lang kami. And he’s really good at twisting your words in his favor. Ilang beses na akong nabiktima nun kaya mas pinipili kong tumahimik dahil lagi niyang nagagamit ang salita ko sa ’kin.

I understood why Jax felt nervous when he learned that Iñigo got the case. He’s a criminal lawyer; I was pretty sure he’s heard about Iñigo kahit na hindi pa sila nagkikita sa korte.

And… they’re not exactly friends.

Jax is good at harboring grudge. Kahit nga si Joey hindi masyadong kinaka-usap just because she’s friends with Katherine.

Tahimik kaming nagbabasa nang biglang lumabas si Jax mula sa kwarto niya. He looked… distraught. But that was understandable.

“Papunta na raw siya,” Jax said.

As if on cue, Yago stood up and began to gather his things. I was watching him. He was moving so fast like he was determined to get out of here as quickly as possible.

In under a minute, natapos siya sa pag-aayos ng gamit niya. Sumunod na ako at tumayo na rin. I told Jax that I’d be leaving, too, and he just nodded at me habang seryoso siya sa kung anuman iyong tinitignan niya.

“Did you bring a car?” Yago asked while we’re waiting for the elevator.

I nodded. “Where are you staying?” I asked because I might need the information in the future. Hindi ko alam kung gaano siya katagal dito—probably depende sa tagal ng kaso ni Katherine. Yago’s a really good friend to Jax Alam ko na hindi siya aalis hanggang hindi nagiging final ang decision.

And… maybe there’s still a chance for him and Rory.

Sayang naman kasi.

Kung hindi nangyari iyong dati, mas matagal pa sila sa amin ni Iñigo… But things already happened. It’s been a while already. They’re both older. Baka pwede na ulit silang mag-usap. Nakaka-pagod lang kasi silang makita na nahihirapan dahil sa pride nila.

“Hotel,” he replied, grinning. “Ikaw, ha… Concerned ka na sa ’kin?”

“You wish,” I said. “Paano kapag nagkita kayo ni Rory?”

He shrugged. “Then, I’d say hi… And then go on with my life.”

“Ganon lang?”

“Ganon lang,” he replied.

“You know she tried to date other people.”

“I know.”

I nodded.

Right.

Magkaibigan nga pala sila ni Jax.

“If she can find someone else who can make her happy, I’d be the happiest,” Yago said. The elevator finally arrived. Tahimik lang kaming dalawa ni Yago roon. He looked… okay. It’s far different from how I last saw him. Mukhang okay na talaga siya sa kung nasaan man siya. His hands were inside his pockets and when he caught me looking at him on the mirror, he grinned at me.

God, please don’t make my baby look like Yago.

Nang maka-baba kami ay hinatid muna ako ni Yago sa sasakyan ko. One of these days, sigurado ako na magkikita sila ni Rory.

I sent a text to Iñigo telling him that I was already on the way home. Agad ko siyang nakita nang papa-lapit pa lang ako sa gate. He looked like he’s been waiting there for a while.

“Kanina ka pa?” I asked as I alighted.

“Hindi naman,” sagot niya. “Kinain mo ba ’yung dinner mo?”

I nodded. Muntik ko ng maka-limutan, pero mabuti na lang at naalala ko. I didn’t want Iñigo to worry about me dahil alam ko na marami na siyang iniisip. I really needed to take better care of myself. Alam ko na buntis ako… but it felt as though I still didn’t full realize that I was pregnant and I needed to take extra care.

Sabay kaming pumasok ni Iñigo sa loob. May naka-hain na pagkain doon na para bang ready na siya kung sakaling naka-limutan kong kumain.

“Nagdinner ka na ba?” I asked.

“Hinihintay kita.”

I just nodded. It’s been a long day for the both of us and I really didn’t want to end the day by arguing. Mabilis akong nagbihis at saka sumama sa kanyang kumain. I was already full from the dinner dahil dalawang rice iyong kasama nung pares, but I wanted to eat with Iñigo dahil nasabi niya sa akin noon na malungkot kumaing mag-isa. Since then, I made it to a point to always eat with him whenever I could.

Nang matapos kami ay siya iyong naghugas ng plato. I waited for him to finish. Pilit kong iniiwas iyong tingin ko sa mga papel sa salas.

“Iñigo,” I called.

“Hmm?”

“Thank you.”

Kitang-kita ko kung paano siya biglang natigilan sa ginagawa niya. He looked at me and there was a look of horror on his face… na para bang sobrang samang balita ng narinig niya.

“What?” he asked, his voice sounded so… scared.

“Sabi ko thank you,” I repeated, a bit offended sa reaction niya sa sinabi ko.

“May nagawa ba ako?”

“Nagte-thank you lang ako.”

“I know. May nagawa ba ako?” he asked seriously.

I rolled my eyes. “Wala. Gusto ko lang magthank you.”

I looked at him, and he still looked… baffled.

“Seeing Jax and Kitty and Yago and Rory,” I began. “Thanks for making it easy.”

The look of confusion was easily and quickly replaced with a smile. “You’re welcome,” he said.

Nang matapos siyang maghugas ng plato ay dumiretso na kami sa kwarto. We were sitting side by side on the bed while passively watching whatever was shown on TV. But it was calming with Iñigo’s arm wrapped around me.

“Sana babae tapos kamukha mo pero kaugali ko,” Iñigo said.

“I agree,” I replied.

He laughed, planting a kiss on the side of my head. “Okay lang sa ’kin makuha lahat sa ’yo, pero kahit ’yung ugali lang sana ’yung makuha sa ’kin.”

I rolled my eyes. “Oo na.”

He laughed again. “Kidding. Unang tinamaan naman talaga ako d’yan sa kasungitan mo,” he said. “Kaya ang tagal bago kita naka-usap dahil ang sungit mo talaga, e.”

Palagi niyang sinisisi sa akin na ako iyong dahilan kung bakit hindi niya ako nalandi nang maaga. I wanted to remind him that for the better of his first year in law school, may crush siya kay Katherine…

How hard it must be for him.

Sigurado ako na galit sa kanya lahat ng kaibigan nila.

I quickly planted a kiss on his cheek. “I got you,” I said.

“What?”

Umiling ako. “Wala. Tara, tulog na tayo.”

Iñigo pulled the cover to make sure that I wasn’t cold. He wasn’t contented, so he wrapped his arms around me, too.

“Shit,” he suddenly said after a few seconds of lull.

“What?”

“May naka-limutan akong itanong.”

“Ha?”

He reached for his phone on the night stand and began typing a question about until when was it okay to have sex with a pregnant woman.

Napa-awang ang labi ko.

Sex really makes Iñigo’s world go round.

---

Iñigo and I managed to separate work from our personal lives… We had to. Lalo na nang magkaroon na ng schedule para sa arraignment. The tension was so palpable that it became harder to ignore work when we’re together.

Habang busy ako sa pagbabasa ay napa-dako ang tingin ko kay Iñigo. He was busy looking at some photographs. Ilang beses ko na ring nakita iyon, pero hindi ko maiwasan na kabahan habang naka-tingin ako kay Iñigo. Sometimes, he’d see things that I fail to notice… And that’s what makes him so damn good at his job.

Pero parang naramdaman niya na naka-tingin ako sa kanya kaya naman napa-tingin siya sa akin.

“May kailangan ka?” he asked.

“Ready ka na sa arraignment?”

He nodded.

Silence filled the air.

“Ready na kayo?” he asked.

“Jax is doing his best.”

“You only need doubt,” he replied.

I just nodded…

That’s also what his previous cases needed…

Just doubt.

Just a speck of doubt for acquittal.

But he still always ended up winning.

Kinakabahan talaga ko, pero kailangan kong magtiwala kay Jax dahil kitang-kita ko kung paano siya nagta-trabaho para maka-laya si Katherine.

We spent a lot of time coaching Katherine on how she’d answer during the arraignment. Kailangan na maging maayos ’to para hindi na kami mahirapan sa mismong trial.

“Please focus,” I said because she seemed to be dozing off.

“Sorry,” she said with a small smile. Even her smile looked tired. “Alam ko na ’to. Ilang beses niyo nang nasabi ni Jax sa ’kin.”

“I know, but it’s important kaya inuulit ko.”

She smiled. “Salamat.”

“Thank me when this is all over,” I replied.

I couldn’t wait for this to be over, too. I just wanted to focus on being pregnant and on planning my wedding. Iñigo had been hinting on having a church wedding, but I still wasn’t sure with that since I was aware that our set-up wasn’t exactly ideal.

“Paano naging kayo ni Iñigo?” she asked again.

“Please focus on your arraignment.”

“Okay na ako ’ron…” she said. “Alam ko naman kung ano iyong nangyari. Hindi naman ako mahihirapan magrecall dahil iisa lang naman iyong nangyari…”

But she couldn’t understand.

Alam ko na kilala niya si Iñigo, but she’s never actually seen him work. And he’s really good at being a prosecutor. He’s so good because he actually enjoys what he’s doing.

“Iyon na nga, hindi mo maalala—”

“Please?” she asked, cutting me off. “Pakiramdam ko mababaliw na ako rito… Kailangan ko lang maka-rinig ng ibang bagay…” she continued, smiling at me. “Kwentuhan mo naman ako.”

“How about I tell you stories about Jax after you two broke up?”

She smiled sadly while shaking her head.

“Wag na ’yun, Cha… Tapos na kami ni Jax… Ayoko na idamay pa siya sa magulong buhay ko.”

We’d never been really friends… but it hurt to see her like this. Gusto ko ring magalit kay Kier dahil sa ginawa niya kay Katherine. Not only did he hurt her physically, but I could see the damage he did beyond the physical.

It’s like when he died, he took her spirit with him.

Wala na iyong dating Katherine na kilala ko.

“Well, that’s not really your choice,” I said.

Jax accepted her case in a heartbeat.

Gave up his beloved job just to represent her in court.

At this point, I was pretty sure he’s capable of doing anything just to get an acquittal for Katherine.

“Paano naging kayo ni Iñigo? Matagal na kayo, noh? Bakit hindi ko nabalitaan?”

I looked at her and she looked like she really needed a distraction, so I began to tell her stories about me and Iñigo.

Katherine looked engrossed while she was listening to me. Ilang minuto rin akong nagsasalita nang biglang bumukas iyong pintuan at nakita ko si Jax na nandoon. Agad akong tumayo para magpaalam dahil alam ko na kailangan nila ng privacy.

Paglabas ko ay naka-kita ako ng text galing kay Iñigo asking kung susunduin niya na ako dahil ngayon iyong bagong schedule namin sa OB. I told him to pick me up in an hour. Pumayag na akong magpa-sundo sa kanya para sa peace of mind niya dahil hindi rin naman siya mapakali kapag hindi niya ako nakikita. Gusto ko na lang talagang matapos na iyong kaso na ’to para maka-balik na kami sa normal naming buhay.

After the call, I went back in and talked to Katherine some more para ma-test kung ready na ba siya sa mga posibleng itanong sa kanya sa arraignment. I’d seen Iñigo a few times kaya may idea na ako sa kung paano siya magtanong. It would be really tricky and I really hope that Katherine would pull through.

“I have to go,” I said.

“Okay. Ingat ka,” Katherine replied.

I smiled at her before going out. Paglabas ko ay agad kong nakita iyong sasakyan ni Iñigo. I got inside and he looked rather grim.

“What’s your problem?” I asked.

He looked at me. “Ready na ba kayo bukas?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay…”

“Bakit?”

Umiling siya. “Sana matapos na ’to,” sagot niya bago magsimulang magdrive.

Chapter 50

#CTG50 Chapter 50

“Thank you,” I said after I paid for the pocket knife that I just bought. Paglabas ko galing trabaho ay agad kong napansin iyong naka-ipit na papel sa windshield ko. Huminga ako nang malalim bago ko binasa iyon. Alam ko naman na kung ano ang mababasa ko… Ever since Iñigo started his job as a prosecutor, I’d sometimes find myself at the end of these threats.

I was always the subject.

What they didn’t know is that instead of scaring Iñigo, they’re just making him madder—almost like some kind of push that makes him work extra harder in his cases that almost always ended up in conviction.

And this morning, the same happened…

Only this time, Iñigo’s name wasn’t mentioned.

I held my coat closer to my body as if that was enough to shield my baby from everything that’s happening. Gusto ko na ring matapos ’to. Gusto ko ng bumalik sa dati. I just wanted to go to work and go home and lie in bed with Iñigo and talk about the name of our baby—we had a deal na kung sinumang case ang naipanalo niya nang mabuo namin ’yung baby, doon kami mamimili ng pangalan.

I surely did hope na may magandang pangalan sa kaso na ’yun.

Pagdating ko sa condo ni Jax ay si Yago ang naabutan ko. He was… whistling. He was even strumming his fingers against the desk. Someone’s in a good mood.

“Good morning, Cha!” he greeted.

Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya bago tumingin sa paligid para tignan kung nandito ba si Jax. I needed to know if he’s receiving the same threat that I got. Sigurado ako na galing ’to sa mga Ramirez dahil sila lang naman ang may kayang magpadala ng ganito.

“San si Jax?” I asked.

“I don’t know. He was just here…” nagtataka na sabi ni Yago. “By the way, thank you.”

“For what?”

“Rory just told me that you talked to her.”

“Kayo na ulit?”

“Yes. Thank you.”

“No problem,” I replied and quickly turned around. Iniiwasan ko talaga na makita ang mukha ni Yago dahil magiging malaking problema ito kapag siya ang kamukha ng anak ko imbes na ang tatay niya. Malapit naman ng matapos iyong kaso… Iba talaga ang kapangyarihan ng mga Ramirez. Usually, umaabot ng buwan o taon ang kaso, pero sa case ni Katherine? Sobrang bilis ng mga pangyayari.

Dahil wala si Jax ay kaming dalawa lang ni Yago ang natira. We were just staring at the board in front of us, trying to piece the puzzle together… Hindi pa rin namin maintindihan kung paanong magagawa ni Katherine na saksakin si Kier gayong kaka-hampas lang ng ulo niya sa bathtub.

“Some people are seriously just batshit crazy,” Yago said.

“You know what they say? Don’t talk ill about the dead,” I replied.

He scoffed. “Pasalamat nga ’yan patay na siya, e. If not? I’m pretty sure it’s Jax we’d have to get out of prison.”

I didn’t comment on that kasi totoo naman. I’d seen Jax get pissed sometimes… but this was the only instance that he’s really mad. He’s so mad that he cried out of frustration. He wasn’t able to control his feelings anymore. Kahit nga nung naghiwalay sila ni Katherine, he was still able to pull himself together and to focus his attention on studying…

Pero ngayon?

Sigurado ako na kung buhay pa si Kier, ang magiging problema namin nila Yago ay kung paano ilalabas si Jax ng kulungan because we’re all sure that he’d commit murder.

Ilang oras na kaming nagta-trabaho ni Yago nang bigla na lang siyang tumayo at mabilis na kinuha iyong mga gamit niya.

“Yago,” I called, confused as to what was happening.

“I need to go,” he replied. “Rory’s dad…”

My lips parted.

Ni hindi nagawa ni Yago na ituloy ang sasabihin niya. He just quietly went his way habang naiwan ako roon na hindi alam kung ano ang gagawin o sasabihin.

Bakit… ganito? Bakit sabay-sabay?

“Where’s Yago?” Jax asked when he finally returned.

“Umalis,” sagot ko. “I think… I think something happened with Rory’s dad.”

I watched as colors got drained from Jax’s face. Kitang-kita ko kung paano niya ipinikit ang mga mata niya at kung paano siya huminga nang malalim na para bang pinipilit niya na lang ang sarili niya na maging matatag.

But he’s tired.

We’re all tired.

We all just wanted this to end.

“Okay,” he whispered to himself. Tumingin siya sa akin. “Cha, pwedeng ikaw na lang ’yung pumunta sa address na ’to?” he asked, getting a piece of paper and scribbling something down.

“Sure. Ano’ng gagawin ko rito?”

“I… don’t know yet,” he replied. “Ako sana iyong pupunta, pero kailangan kong puntahan si Rory.”

I nodded, accepting the paper from him. I knew that Jax’s close to Rory’s father dahil laging bumibisita si Jax sa bahay nila. How hard it must be for him—para talagang sunud-sunod na iyong nangyayari.

“May nakuha ka bang death threat?” I asked bago ko pa man malimutan.

Agad siyang napa-tingin sa ’kin. “May nakuha ka rin?”

I nodded. “Kaninang umaga.”

His jaw clenched. Napa-hawak siya sa upuan. Ipinikit niya ang mga mata at huminga nang malalim.

“Cha… I know I asked for your help, but this is getting too dangerous. Okay na ’yung naitulong mo. Ako na ang bahala,” seryoso niyang sabi sa akin.

“I can handle myself,” he said.

“I know, but I won’t be able to live with myself kapag may nangyari sa ’yo,” he replied. “Nandito naman si Yago. Kaya na namin ’to.”

I looked at him, debating if I’d tell him na kinakabahan ako dahil sigurado ako na mananalo si Iñigo. Tuwing nakikita ko siyang nagta-trabaho sa apartment, kitang-kita ko na parang alam niya na kung paano niya maipapanalo ang kaso. There’s… something. Hindi ko maipaliwanag. But living with Iñigo for years, alam ko na kung kailan siya sigurado sa kaso.

Kapag hindi siya sigurado kung mananalo siya, I could always see the visible frustration on his face… pero sa kaso na ’to? He’s so calm… almost like he already knew the ending.

“No offense, pero ako ang pinaka-mataas sa crim finals sa ating tatlo,” I said, and Jax laughed for a few seconds. “Jax, believe it or not, you’re my oldest friend. Hindi kita iiwan, okay? So, stop even asking me for that. I’ll take extra care.”

He looked at me, and then sighed.

“Okay…” he said.

Jax and I agreed that he’d move back to their house for the time being. Dito pa rin sa condo niya kami magta-trabaho. I told him that it’s absolutely necessary na sabihin niya sa pamilya niya iyong nangyayari para hindi sila magka-gulatan. They’d understand. Lawyer din ang nanay ni Jax. This is the risk that comes with the territory.

Dahil doon, Joey’s boyfriend, Psalm, helped in getting us security for the time being… which was ironic… because as far as I was concerned, the Gomez de Liaño family’s affiliated with the Ramirez.

Politics is really a mystery.

“Ano’ng nangyari?” Jax asked nang muling magkita kami sa condo niya. Hindi pa namin nakaka-usap muli sina Rory at Yago dahil busy pa sila sa burol.

It’s only the two of us for now.

“I went there last night. Two hours akong naghintay pero wala namang dumating,” I said.

Jax merely nodded. I didn’t prod further.

The days rolled by quickly. I was very careful na hindi na ako dumadaan kung saan-saan tuwing pauwi ako. I just… God, I just really wanted this case to be over.

Paglabas ko ng kwarto, nakita ko na naka-handa na roon iyong pagkain. It’s a complete breakfast. Nandoon na rin iyong vitamins na kailangan kong inumin.

We were both quiet.

Today’s the first day of trial.

“Sabay na tayong umuwi pagkatapos,” he said.

“Okay,” I replied.

“Kung anuman ’yung sasabihin ko ’dun, lagi mong tatandaan na hindi ko ’yun gusto.”

Tumingin ako sa kanya.

“Alam ko,” sagot ko.

“Salamat.”

“Iñigo,” I called. “Do you think you’ll win?”

He looked at me. He’s wearing the tie that I got him when he got the prosecutor’s job. Sabi niya na lucky charm niya iyon at na nanalo siya tuwing suot niya ’yun.

“Yes,” he replied.

Hindi ako nakapagsalita.

“But still, please tell Jax to do his best. It’s proof beyond reasonable doubt… Hindi natin alam kung ano ang pwedeng mangyari.”

Hanggang sa matapos kaming kumain ay wala ng nagsalita pa. Ramdam na ramdam ko iyong kaba. Parang naririnig ko iyong tibok ng puso ko.

Pagdating namin sa korte ay agad kong pinuntahan sina Jax at Katherine. Jax was briefing Katherine. Tahimik akong nakikinig doon. I needed Katherine to focus, but she’s more focused about being mad for Jax receiving death threats.

For one moment, I wanted to slap her and beg her to focus dahil hindi lang buhay niya iyong naka-salalay dito. She’s always all about Jax! She’s all about compromising everything kaya sila naka-rating dito. If she even thought about herself for once, hindi naman sila aabot dito.

Too much of everything is bad.

Sobra siyang magmahal.

Walang tinira sa sarili.

“Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko kung may mangyari sa inyong dalawa,” she said.

I looked at her, hoping that she’d get this in her thick head.

“If we die, then at least don’t let our deaths be in vain, Katherine. For once, stop trying to throw yourself a fucking pity party. The fight hasn’t even begun yet. Lumaban ka naman. Kahit hindi para sa sarili mo. Kahit para kay Jax na hanggang ngayon, pinaglalaban ka pa rin,“sabi ko bago ako lumabas.

Nang lumabas ako ay natigilan ako nang makita ko si Iñigo. He was just standing on the hallway, his back resting against the wall. His eyes were closed.

“Cha,” tawag niya sa pangalan ko nang makita ako.

“May the truth win in court,” I said.

He nodded. “What wins in the court becomes the truth.”

“You’re right,” I replied.

He smiled sadly. “I never thought na sa ganitong paraan tayo magkikita sa korte. I always thought we’d be on the same side.”

“That’s life for your, prosecutor,” I replied.

“You’re right, attorney,” he said. “Pagkatapos nito, punta tayong mall para bumili ng gamit ni baby? I need to unwind.”

“Okay. But no pink, please.”

He laughed. “Pero ’wag puro white,” he said. “Bibili na ba tayo ng crib o masyado pang maaga? Also, gusto mo tumingin na tayo ng lupa sa subdivision tapos ipon na tayo para magpa-tayo ng bahay?”

“Pwede naman… pero ayoko sa Metro Manila tumira,” I said. I was about to tell him that I wanted to live somewhere that still near Manila, but not really in Manila, pero natigilan ako dahil nakita kong paparating na si judge. I looked at Iñigo.

“See you inside, prosecutor,” I said before I made my way inside.

Nang magsimula ang hearing ay tahimik akong nakikinig. Himala na hindi pa nababali ang ballpen na hawak ko dahil sa sobrang higpit ng pagkaka-hawak ko.

Iñigo’s good…

He’s so fucking good…

“Calm down,” I whispered to Jax dahil ramdam ko na kinakabahan na siya. He needed to focus. Hindi makaka-tulong sa kanya kung magiging masyado siyang emosyonal. This is the court of law—not the court of emotion. Facts win in this place. He needed to get that in his head—silang dalawa ni Katherine dahil sobra silang apektado.

Nang panahon na ni Jax para magtanong, pinapanood ko iyong mukha ni Iñigo, but he was just… so calm.

He’s been through this a couple of times. Alam ko na alam na alam niya na kung ano ang gagawin, kung ano ang itatanong.

I knew that Katherine and Jax were thinking that Iñigo’s playing dirty tricks, but I knew him better. He’s just really fucking good at this that it’s almost annoying.

Nang magbigay ng recess si Judge Marquez ay kitang-kita ko ang galit sa mga mata ni Katherine.

“Who’s our witness?” Katherine asked. She sounded furious.

“The doctor who examined you,” Jax said. “He’ll testify that you weren’t strong enough to inflict the wound that killed Kier.”

“How about Jessa’s testimony? Hindi ba nila gagamitin iyon para palabasin na sa sobrang galit ko kay Kier, kinaya ko na saktan siya?” tanong niya.

Jax looked surprised.

Kahit ako naman.

I was so used to seeing Katherine so down that this… was something new. It’s almost like we’re back in law school and she’s the Katherine who made Jax ditch our class and miss his quiz.

“No more babying me. I want to know everything,” she told us. “I will fight. I’m tired of letting you take all the bullets for me.”

I wanted to not smile because surely, there’s a better time than that… but God, I was just so happy! Finally! Dahil malapit na rin akong mapikon sa self-pity niya. Thank God she’s back!

“Katherine—” Jax said, but Katherine quickly cut him off.

“I’m fine. I’m a lawyer, too, Jax. I fucking studied for four years. I reviewed. I passed the BAR. I took the oath. I signed the roll. I am a lawyer.”

That’s it.

I closed the gap and hugged her.

God, this was what I wanted to see.

“That’s the bitch I hated back in law school!” I exclaimed, hugging her. “Now, let’s get back to work and defeat my fiancé!”

---

I quickly excused myself nang matapos iyong first hearing. Mabilis kong hinanap si Iñigo.

“What the hell was that?” I asked when I finally saw him on the parking lot. He was about to open the door of his car, pero hindi na siya gumalaw pa nang magsalita ako. I waited for him to say something, anything, but I was stunned nang bigla niya akong yakapin.

Iñigo kept on apologizing.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit.

Dahil ba sinadya niyang kwestyunin iyong desisyon ng judge? That was something Iñigo wouldn’t do… He purposely did that to mess up his arguments. Alam niyang hindi niya dapat gawin ’yun. That was a rookie mistake, but he did it anyway.

“Let’s go home, okay? I’ll drive,” I said because I just wanted to get him out of here as quickly as possible.

Iñigo kept on looking around like he was so scared. I wanted to ask him kung bakit siya nagkaka-ganito, kung dahil ba ’to sa natanggap kong sulat.

“Cha, hindi ba pwede na magdagdag pa ng security sa ’yo?” he asked. I just looked at him. He looked so defeated. “I’m sorry,” he said again. “I just… Tangina,” mahinang sabi niya. “I know I promised that I’ll take care of you pero… putangina,” muli niyang sabi. “Nang marinig ko galing mismo sa kanya iyong mga ginawa sa kanya nung tanginang ’yun…” Then he stopped and wiped the tears from his eyes.

He’s so tired.

Like all of us.

This wasn’t just a case to us. Iba kapag kilala mo iyong mismong tao. It’s different… It’s harder. There’s a lot more on the line.

“I’m sorry, Cha.”

I reached for his hand and held it.

“It’s okay,” I assured him.

Umiling siya. “No. Magagalit sila. Alam nila na sinadya ko ’yun,” he said, panicking. I wanted to assure him that everything would be fine, but I couldn’t make that promise dahil kahit ako, hindi ko na alam kung ano ang mangyayari.

Ang hirap.

“Cha… please… bitawan mo na ’yung kaso… Tangina, ako na ’yung makaka-patay kapag may ginawa sila sa ’yo…”

Hearing him like this was breaking my heart.

I felt the tears falling.

“Alam ko kaibigan mo si Jax… pero maawa ka naman sa ’kin… para na kong masisiraan ng ulo sa kaka-isip kung ano’ng mangyayari kapag may ginawa sila sa ’yo… Unahin mo naman ako… Kahit ngayon lang… Maawa ka naman… Hirap na hirap na ko…”

I wiped my tears as I nodded.

I talked to Jax… but it was hard to leave him alone dahil hindi rin maka-tulong si Rory dahil sa nangyari sa tatay niya pati sa kapatid niya. Pati si Yago ay hindi alam kung sino ang uunahin. But I really did try. I didn’t attend all the hearings anymore and just helped as little as I possibly could.

And today was the last day of hearing. Ang bilis ng panahon. Nasa condo lang ako ni Jax dahil ayokong pumunta sa hearing para na rin sa ika-tatahimik ni Iñigo. But we didn’t tell Katherine that dahil ayaw namin ni Jax na isipin niya pa iyon.

Nang pumunta ako sa ref para kumuha ng pagkain dahil nagugutom na naman ako ay natigilan ako nang makita ko na naman iyong address na pina-puntahan sa akin ni Jax. There’s a date. Ngayong araw.

I looked around and saw that there’s nothing more to do…

Ngayon na iyong huling araw ng hearing.

It’s all done from here and we’d just have to wait for the verdict.

Lumabas na ako, pero nang mapa-daan ako sa coffee shop kung saan ako dating pumunta, I decided to stop there first… Dito rin kasi ako pinapunta ni Jax dati kaya lang ay walang dumating.

I ordered food. The doctor told me that I needed to eat more para sa baby dahil kung ako lang, hindi naman ako mahilig kumain. Marami lang akong kumain kapag pares ang ulam o kapag pinapanood ako ni Iñigo.

But I stayed there for 2 hours at wala na naman akong nakitang kakaiba. Ano ba’ng meron sa lugar na ’to at laging pinupuntahan ni Jax?

Lumabas na ako. Dadaan na lang ako ng grocery para bumili ng pwedeng iluto. Sigurado ako na pagod si Iñigo pagdating niya. Panahon na rin siguro para magbakasyon kami pagkatapos ng lahat ng nangyari na ’to.

While I was trying to find for the key inside my bag, napa-tingin ako sa sidemirror at bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko nang makita kong may lalaking papa-lapit sa akin. I wanted to tell myself that it’s nothing… but with the way he was hiding his hand inside his jacket, it sent alarm across my system.

Nanginginig ang kamay ko habang mabilis na hinanap iyong pocket knife sa loob ng bag ko. I felt my entire body cold. I’d never felt so scared in my life.

Agad akong napa-hawak sa tiyan ko.

I wanted to run, but I was just one bullet away from dying.

Hindi ako pwedeng mamatay.

Hindi ngayon.

Hindi ko pwedeng iwan si Iñigo.

When he was right behind me, I tried to slash his throat like I was taught, but he was quick to snatch the pocket from my hand and my eyes widened when I saw the knife deep in my stomach.

“Pakielamera ka kasi,” he said before repeatedly stabbing me.

Chapter 51

#CTG51 Chapter 51

It… almost felt like a nightmare. Almost like I knew what was happening, but I couldn’t move… I felt trapped inside my own body and I couldn’t respond to the people who were talking to me.

“Stubborn… You’ve always been so stubborn…” Dad’s voice said. I felt him touching my face. “Wake up, Charisse Faith. You can’t die like this. You can’t leave me with your brothers.”

I felt my tears forming.

Pero hindi ako maka-galaw.

Hindi ko mabuksan ang mga mata ko.

“You can hear me,” Dad said. “I’m sorry this happened to you… I’m sorry your dad wasn’t there to protect you… But I promise you that whoever did this to you will pay…”

I felt him kissing the top of my head…

And then I felt myself falling asleep again.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano akong katagal na ganoon. But one day, I could finally open my eyes… and I immediately saw Joey. She looked surprise to see me open my eyes.

“Cha,” she said, quickly coming to my side.

I felt so disoriented. I tried to ask for water, but I couldn’t get a word out from my mouth. Mabilis akong inabutan ni Joey ng tubig. She began to talk, but I couldn’t understand a thing.

“Jia, patawag naman si Dr. Revero,” Joey instructed the nurse. She was looking at me and I couldn’t quite pin the emotion on her face. “Tinawagan ko na si Iñigo, okay?” she said.

My lips parted.

Iñigo…

Agad akong napa-tingin at napa-hawak sa baby ko.

It felt… empty.

My whole body began to tremble at the realization. Mabilis na tumulo ang luha sa mga mata ko. Joey tried to calm me down, but I wouldn’t stop crying.

’Yung baby ko…

Wala na ’yung baby ko…

Ni hindi ko pa nga alam kung ano ’yung pangalan niya… kung babae ba siya o lalaki…

“Cha…” Joey said. “Cha, please try to calm down… Baka biglang bumukas ’yung mga stitches mo…”

Hindi ako maka-hinga.

Biglang dumami iyong tao sa kwarto.

They were all trying to tell me to calm down, but I couldn’t calm down. Paulit-ulit kong naiisip iyong baby ko… Kung paano siya nasaksak at nawala dahil sa ’kin… Dahil hindi ko siya inalagaan… Dahil hindi ako nag-ingat…

“Calm down…” the doctor said as I saw a needle puncturing my skin.

And I drifted to sleep again.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano akong katagal na naka-tulog. Nagising ako nang maka-rinig na naman ako ng mga boses.

“Naka-usap mo ba si Jax?” I heard Iñigo ask.

“Hindi pa… Nag-aalala na nga rin sila Mama sa kanya kasi ayaw pa ring tumigil kahit binaba na ’yung verdict,” Joey replied.

“I’m sorry…” Iñigo said.

“Yeah… but I trust Jax. Hindi ’yun titigil.”

“Nasabi… nasabi mo na ba sa kanya ’yung sa baby?” Iñigo asked.

“Hindi pa… bago ka dumating, nagising na siya tapos hindi siya tumigil sa pag-iyak,” Joey replied. “Pero mas mabuti siguro na ikaw na ’yung magsabi sa kanya para mapag-usapan niyo na rin. Pero dahan-dahanin mo kasi hindi pa totally healed ’yung sa saksak niya… Kailangan niyo ring kausapin si Dr. Revero dahil may organs na nadamay. Hindi kasi ako ’yung doctor niya, pero kung may kailangan kayo, sabihin niyo agad sa ’kin, okay?”

I opened my eyes.

“Nasan ’yung baby ko?”

Gusto kong malaman kung nasan siya.

Gusto ko siyang makita.

Kahit iyon lang.

“Cha…” Iñigo said, holding my hand.

I looked at him. I couldn’t see him clearly because of the tears in my eyes. “Yung baby natin…” I said. I couldn’t breathe again. Gusto ko lang makita ’yung baby ko. Gusto ko siyang mahawakan. Gusto kong magsorry sa kanya dahil hindi ko man lang siya na-protektahan…

“Iñigo, ’yung baby natin—”

“Wala na ’yung baby, Cha.”

Natigilan ako sa tono ng boses niya.

I looked at him.

“I told you… I begged you… Bakit hindi ka nakinig sa ’kin? Bakit kahit isang beses hindi mo magawang makinig?”

Mabilis kong pinunasan iyong luha mula sa mga mata ko.

“Are you serious?”

“Bakit hindi ka marunong makinig, Cha?”

“Alam ko kasalanan ko… pero nawalan din ako ng anak, Iñigo. Hindi ba pwede na bago mo ako sisihin—”

His jaw clenched as tears of frustration fell from his eyes. Kitang-kita ko iyong galit sa mga mata niya. Sa ilang taon na nagsama kami, ngayon ko lang siya nakita na ganito.

“Gusto kong sisihin ’yung sarili ko, Cha, pero hindi ko magawa kasi alam ko naman na ginawa ko lahat para protektahan ka, kayo ng anak natin, pero tangina kahit isang beses hindi mo man lang naisip ’yung baby! Puro ka Jax! Puro ka kaibigan! Pano naman ako?! Lagi na lang ako ’yung nag-a-adjust! Paramdam naman na priority mo ako kasi ako, lagi kitang priority!”

I felt my blood rising from what I was hearing from him. I wanted to stand up and slap him, but I couldn’t move. Tears continuously fell from my eyes. I was so frustrated. I was so mad. Alam kong kasalanan ko… pero bakit kailangan niyang sabihin ngayon?

“Hindi ko gusto—”

“Hindi mo gusto? Pero iba ’yung ginagawa mo, Cha! Gusto mong makita ’yung baby? Kasi ako nakita ko… Nakita ko kung gaano pa siya ka-liit, Cha… Ni walang laban ’yung baby natin… Namatay siya ng ganon lang… Ni hindi ko man lang—”

Agad siyang tumalikod sa akin at sinuntok iyong pader.

“Sana ako na lang ’yung namatay.”

Napa-tingin siya sa ’kin.

“Sana hindi na lang ako nagising,” ulit ko.

Agad siyang humakbang palapit sa akin pero mabilis akong umiling habang pinapahid ang luha ko.

“Alam ko naman na kasalanan ko… pero bakit kailangan mo pang ipa-mukha sa ’kin, Iñigo?”

Pilit akong tumingin sa kanya.

“Sorry. Sorry kung gusto kong tulungan sila Jax. Sorry kung ganoon akong klaseng kaibigan. Buong buhay ko kasi kinukumpara ako sa ibang tao, pero sila ’yung unang beses na pinaramdam sa ’kin na hindi kumpetisyon lahat sa buhay. Na kaibigan ko sila. Na nandyan din sila para sa ’kin. Pasensya na, Iñigo, hindi ako kagaya mo na okay lang na mag-isa—”

“Tangina naman, Cha!”

“Wag mo akong sigawan,” I said, glaring at him.

“Paanong hindi ako sisigaw?! I felt like you fucking lied to me! You promised me! You promised me na titigil ka na! Pero pumunta ka pa rin! Pakiramdam ko wala kang pakielam sa ’kin kasi kahit minsan hindi ka naman nakinig—”

“Kung maibabalik ng pagsigaw mo ’yung baby—”

His jaw clenched.

“This… This could’ve all been avoided, Cha… Kung sana nakinig ka lang sa ’kin… Pero sino nga ba ako? Hindi ko nga alam kung ano tayo hanggang ngayon… Kung hindi ka pa nabuntis, hindi ka pa papayag na magpakasal. Para akong gago na isip nang isip kung ano ’yung lugar ko sa buhay mo. Ni hindi ko magawang magtanong kasi takot ako sa ’yo. Takot ako na baka kung ano ’yung sabihin mo. Palagi na lang ganon. Tangina nakaka-pagod.”

Tears just continued to flow.

Parang ang tagal niyang inipon.

Lahat ng sama ng loob niya sa akin.

“Puro ka Jax… Sorry to break this to you, Cha, but you’re just his friend… Hindi ka niya priority. Hindi ka si Katherine. Pero ako… tangina, kaya kong gawin lahat para sa ’yo pero isang paki-usap ko lang ni hindi mo magawa… Ang sakit nun sa ’kin. ’Yung anak natin…”

Tumingin ako sa kanya, hinintay na matapos siya.

Ang dami niya palang problema sa akin.

Hindi ko alam.

Ganito ko pala siyang pinapa-hirapan.

“Sabi mo… Sabi mo gusto mo ng pamilya… ’Yung hindi gaya ng pamilya mo… Pero bakit hindi ko makita, Cha? Bakit hindi mo kami pinili ng anak natin?”

I pursed my lips and begged myself not to cry, but I couldn’t will the tears to stop from falling. Tuluy-tuloy lang sila sa pagbagsak. Gusto ko silang tumigil. Ayoko ng umiyak. Wala na akong lakas.

Akala ko kay Iñigo ako kukuha ng lakas pero mali ako.

Pagod na rin pala siya sa ’kin.

“Tapos ka na?” tanong ko sa kanya. “Tapos ka ng isisi lahat sa ’kin?”

Hindi siya nagsalita.

Kita ko pa rin iyong galit sa mga mata niya.

“I didn’t go there to get stabbed, for your fucking information. Hindi ko ginustong masaksak. Hindi ko ginustong mamatay ’yung anak mo. Imbes na matuwa ka na buhay pa ako, mas inuuna mong sisihin ako sa bagay na hindi ko rin naman gusto. Akala mo ba gusto ko? Ganon ba ako ka-walang puso sa tingin mo? Kasi nasasaktan ako, Iñigo. Kung pwede lang… Kung pwede lang na ako na lang ’yung mamatay—”

He wrapped me in his arms.

“Sana ako na lang ’yung namatay.”

“No, hindi iyon ’yung ibig kong sabihin…”

Pilit ko siyang tinutulak palayo sa ’kin, pero hindi ko magawa.

“Ganyan pala ’yung nararamdaman mo… bakit hindi mo sinabi dati pa?”

“Cha…”

Pilit ko siyang nilayo sa ’kin.

“Bitawan mo ko…” pagod na sabi ko.

“Ayoko,” umiiling na sabi niya. “Galit lang ako pero ayokong mamatay ka, Cha. Sorry. Hindi ganon ’yung ibig kong sabihin.”

“Bitaw, Iñigo. Please.”

Pero hindi siya gumalaw.

“Ayoko. Mahal na mahal kita, Cha. I’m sorry. Hindi ko gusto ’yung mga sinabi ko. Galit lang ako. Nasaktan lang ako. Mahal kita. Sorry. Please.”

But I just wanted him to let me go.

Hindi lang siya ’yung nawalan ng anak.

Pero mas nauna niya pa akong sinisi.

“Bitawan mo ako… Please…”

I felt so weak.

I felt something ache.

Hindi ko na alam kung ano.

Parang masakit na lang sa akin ang lahat.

Lumuwag iyong yakap niya. Sabay kaming napa-tingin sa mabilis na pagpula ng suot ko. I quietly wiped the tears from my eyes as I removed the ring from my finger.

I looked at Iñigo and I saw the fear in his eyes.

“Let’s not get—”

“No,” he said, shaking his head. He kneeled and held my hands as he profusely shook his head. “No. I’m sorry. Nagkamali ako. Kasalanan ko lahat. ’Wag ka ng magalit.”

I couldn’t even see him clearly with the tears blocking my eyes…

But I could see one thing clearly.

We got it wrong.

He’s so scared of me… I felt like I knew it all along, but I never really bothered… How often he’d thank me… How he’d always ask for my permission… Akala ko ganoon lang talaga siya… Pero nang marinig ko lahat mula sa kanya…

Takot siya sa akin.

He’s just… so scared of me.

Gaano karami iyong bagay na hindi niya masabi sa akin dahil takot siya? Dahil iniisip niya agad na magagalit ako? Bakit ganon? Bakit hindi niya na lang sinabi sa ’kin? Akala ko sobrang okay kami… I thought we had it easy…

Maybe we did.

We really had it easy.

Because he’s scared of me that he always gives in.

Pero ayoko nun.

I wanted an equal… not someone who’s so scared of me that he wouldn’t even call me when I’m clearly in the wrong…

“I’m sorry, Cha. Sorry… Sorry talaga… Please ’wag ganito… Nawala na ’yung baby natin… ’Wag mo namang gawin sa ’kin ’to, please…”

Pakiramdam ko lahat sa akin ay masakit. Pilit kong inabot sa kanya iyong singsing pero hindi niya iyon kinukuha. He just kept on apologizing and telling him that he was wrong.

Napa-tingin ako kay Joey na napa-tulala habang naka-tingin sa amin.

“Please… Get him away from me…”

Joey nodded and tried to pry Iñigo away from me. “Iñigo, labas ka muna.”

“No—”

“Kailangang tignan ’yung tahi ni Cha,” she said. “Dumudugo na naman. Baka magkaroon ng problema—”

Iñigo looked at me. “I’m sorry, Cha… I’m sorry… Mali lahat ng sinabi ko. Kasalanan ko lahat ng ’to. Karma ko ’to sa lahat ng ginawa ko dati… Sorry… Kasalanan ko… Wala kang ginawang mali…”

God, what did I do to him?

Why was he this scared?

“I’m sorry—”

“Iñigo, stop…” I begged of him. “You’re right—”

“No. Mali ako. Sorry,” he cut me off.

I pursed my lips.

For years… for years I thought we had it easy…

But it was only me who had it easy…

“I can’t get married right now…” I said, holding the ring that he refused to take.

“I know… Hindi muna tayo magpapakasal… Naiintindihan ko…”

“No—”

“I’ll get out of the frat, Cha. Magreresign na ako sa trabaho. Gagawin ko lahat, pero please ’wag ganito. ’Wag mo namang gawin sa ’kin ’to. Ikaw lang ’yung—”

“My God! Listen to me!”

He nodded. “Yes. Yes, Cha. Nakikinig ako—”

“You’re not listening! You’re just scared!”

Umiling siya. “Hindi totoo ’yan. Mahal na mahal kita—”

“Let’s not get married yet—”

“Okay… Hindi ngayon… Maghihintay ako—”

“Just… just fucking take the ring, Iñigo…” I begged him.

“Hindi tayo magpapakasal ngayon, sige… pero ’wag mong ibalik sa ’kin ’yan… Binigay ko na sa ’yo ’yan…”

I shook my head.

I didn’t want that on my finger.

It would remind me of everything he said and everything we lost.

Para akong mababaliw… kapag naiisip ko iyong nangyari… iyong sa baby… na nung panahon na akala ko ay mamamatay na ako, si Iñigo ang unang pumasok sa isip ko… na hindi ko siya kayang iwan…

Tapos ganoon ang sasabihin niya sa ’kin.

Ang sakit-sakit.

Ang sama niya.

Kahit bawiin niya, kahit magsorry siya, hindi ko maaalis sa isip ko ’yun… para akong mabibingi tuwing naaalala ko…

“Ayokong magpakasal ngayon. Gusto kong mag-isip. Gusto kong pag-isipan lahat ng bagay. Gusto kong lumayo—”

Fear washed over his system.

“Lumayo? Aalis ka? Iiwan mo ko?”

“I need to think—”

“Then let’s think together!”

“Just please listen to me…” nahihirapan na sabi ko.

Para kaming bumalik sa dati.

Na hindi na naman siya nakikinig.

“Let’s take a break for now… please…” I begged. Ayoko muna siyang makita. Nasasaktan ako kapag nakikita ko siya. Parang bumabalik lahat ng sinabi niya sa ’kin. “Please leave the apartment… Pero kung ayaw mo, ako na lang ’yung aalis—”

Umiling siya. “Cha naman… Nawalan ako ng anak… Wala na akong kaibigan… ’Wag namang pati ikaw…” mahinang sabi niya sabay ng pagbagsak ng luha niya. “Maawa ka naman…”

I felt a stabbing pain.

It hurt… so badly…

I just wanted him to leave.

With the last of my strength, I threw the ring at him.

Pagod na rin ako.

Chapter 52

#CTG52 Chapter 52

“Cha, Iñigo’s here,” Chase said after he opened the door to my room. I’d been back at our house for almost 2 weeks now. Ayaw pumayag ni Papa na bumalik ako sa apartment ni Iñigo. For some reason, he’s blaming Iñigo for what happened to me kahit ilang beses ko ng ipinaliwanag na walang may kasalanan sa nangyari bukod sa nag-utos na sumaksak sa ’kin.

I closed my laptop as I stood up.

“You’re going to talk to him?” Chase asked, a little surprised dahil sa araw-araw na pagpunta ni Iñigo dito ay hindi ko siya nagawang labasin man lang. I just… didn’t want to talk when I have nothing nice to say. Hindi na kasi nababawi kapag nasabi mo na. Kagaya ng mga sinabi niya sa ’kin. Hinding-hindi ko na maaalis sa isip ko ’yun.

Months from now, when we’re okay again, I’d still remember his words… and from time to time, I’d remember how that felt like.

“Yeah,” I replied. “Can’t leave without talking to him.”

Dad wanted me to go to our house in Alaska for the time being. Ayaw niya na nandito ako sa Manila hanggang hindi pa nahuhuli kung sino iyong nagpasaksak sa akin.

It’s so… weird.

He ignored me for the most parts of my life… and now, he’s being overly protective. He’s so… extreme. It’s either he’s really strict or really protective. It’s like he couldn’t find the balance.

But it’s okay… I’d take this over being ignored by him.

I changed clothes and combed my hair. I wanted to look presentable in front of him. Ilang araw ko siyang hindi nakita. I just didn’t want to face him with my eyes swollen from lack of sleep. Gabi-gabi iniisip ko lahat ng nangyayari. Para akong mababaliw. Ayaw tumigil kahit ano ang gawin ko.

Ni hindi ako maka-labas.

Palagi akong napapa-tingin sa likod ko kahit may kasama ako.

The incident did more harm than I could ever imagine.

“Hi,” Iñigo said, immediately standing up when he saw me approaching. I even needed to tell him to sit dahil parang tanga siyang naka-tayo at naka-tingin lang sa akin.

“What?” I asked because he kept on staring.

He smiled a little, shaking his head. “Thank—”

“Please stop thanking me. You don’t owe me anything,” I said.

Ayoko ng maka-rinig ng thank you mula sa kanya. If I do anything for him, it’s because I wanted to do it. He didn’t need to thank me for anything.

“Right. Sor—”

“And don’t apologize for everything.”

Iñigo pursed his lips. Hawak niya ang kamay niya na parang hindi niya alam kung saan magsisimula.

“May gagawin ka ba ngayon?” tanong ko sa kanya. I didn’t want him to stay in our house any longer dahil baka biglang dumating si Papa. He’s not Iñigo’s biggest fan right now because of everything that happened. I already explained, but he’s not listening. Sa pananaw niya, si Iñigo ang may kasalanan at ang trabaho nito bilang prosecutor.

I didn’t even blame Iñigo for what happened…

It’s his job and he didn’t ask for me to get stabbed.

Nobody wanted that.

Iñigo shook his head. I stood up and got my key from the hook and motioned Iñigo to follow me. Tahimik kaming dalawa sa loob ng sasakyan. I felt him staring at me and I let him. Ilang araw niya rin akong hindi nakita. I needed to fully recover bago ko pa siya pwedeng makita dahil pinagalitan ako ni Papa pati ng doctor ko dahil bumuka muli iyong mga tahi ko nung huli kaming nag-usap ni Iñigo.

Nang huminto ang sasakyan, sabay kaming lumabas. Sabay kaming naglakad ng walang nagsasalita hanggang huminto kami sa harap ng isang mausoleum.

I looked at him first.

“Papa said he told you that he’d have… our baby’s remains transferred here.” Iñigo nodded. “Sorry kung hindi ako naka-tulong,” I continued. I was still in a chemically induced coma nang ilibing nila iyong baby…

Siguro kaya ganoon na lang ang bungad sa akin ni Iñigo nang magising ako. I couldn’t imagine him burying his own child… And I wasn’t even there to comfort him.

Binuksan ko ang pinto at sabay kaming tumayo sa harap kung saan naka-libing iyong baby namin. He or she didn’t even have a name yet…

“Alam mo ba kung babae o lalaki?” tanong ko sa kanya.

“Lalaki,” sagot niya.

I gently bobbed my head. “Gusto mo bang bigyan natin ng pangalan?” I asked. I looked at him and I caught him looking at me. “I’m sorry kung ngayon lang kita naka-usap.”

“Are you okay now?” he asked.

“No,” I replied.

“Cha… I’m sorry—”

“Enough with the apologies, Iñigo.”

Umiling siya. “No… Gusto kong humingi ng tawad. Nakapag-isip na ako. Alam ko na maling-mali iyong ginawa ko… Na kakagising mo pa lang at iyon agad ang sinabi ko—”

I cut him off. “I was told na kaka-balik mo pa lang nun sa libing ng baby natin. Naiintindihan ko.”

Silence engulfed us again.

Would we ever get over this?

The death of our first child?

“Gusto ko pa ring magsorry…”

“Please stop apologizing,” I pleaded.

“But I want to apologize for not thinking about you—”

“You don’t always have to think about me, Iñigo. You were hurting. It’s okay for you to think about yourself first.”

Muli siyang umiling. “No. I was wrong on that. I acknowledge that I was wrong. I shouldn’t have said those words—”

“But you meant them all,” I said, cutting him off. His lips slightly parted. I looked directly at him. “You meant every word. You’re scared of me. You always ask me first before doing anything. Kahit sa simpleng kung ano ang kakainin natin, kung saan tayo pupunta, kung ano ang gagawin natin—all the decisions, the big and the small ones, they depended on me… on what I want… It’s always been like that.”

“I’m not scared of you—I’m in love with you,” he said, looking directly into my eyes. “Those are just small things, Cha. I can live with that. And if living with those small changes means that I can have you in my life, then I’m good with it.”

Umiling ako.

“I’m not okay with it,” I told him. “That’s not how it should work—”

“Wala namang manual sa ganito, Cha. Masaya ako sa ginagawa ko. Masaya ako na pinagbibigyan ka. Maliliit na bagay lang ’yun… Okay lang naman sa ’kin… ’Yung kay Jax… Isang beses lang ’yun… ’Yun lang ’yung hiniling ko na sumama ’yung loob ko dahil hindi ka sumunod… Pero sa ibang bagay, wala akong pakielam. Okay lang sa akin kung saan mo gustong tumira, kung saan mo gustong mamasyal, kung saan mo gustong magbakasyon—those things I can live with. Maliit na bagay lang ’yun, Cha. Ikaw lang naman ’yung importante sa ’kin.”

I pursed my lips and drew a deep breath.

“Let’s not fight in front of our… son, okay?”

Napa-tingin din siya sa libingan at marahang tumango.

“Okay,” sagot niya. “Pero… totoo ba na aalis ka?”

“Do you want to sit?” I asked instead. “It feels like this is going to be a long conversation.”

We sat and rested our back against our child’s grave. Naka-tingin kami sa harapan namin. Puro libingan… This place was so… sad. It reminded me of how fickle life is. Isang araw, buhay ka. Sa susunod, wala ka na. Ganoon kabilis.

“Aalis ka ba talaga?” muling tanong niya.

“Yes,” I replied.

“Kailan ka babalik?”

“Hindi mo ako pipigilan?” I asked.

“Gusto… pero hindi naman lahat ng gusto ko dapat masunod.”

I hugged my knees closer to my chest. Kung buhay pa sana ang baby namin, dapat may check-up kami ngayon… Siguro by this time, kumpleto na namin ni Iñigo iyong nursery. Tuwing nase-stress kasi siya sa kaso ni Katherine, kung anu-ano iyong nabibili namin hanggang sa nagulat kami na halos kumpleto na iyong gamit ni baby.

Yellow.

We agreed on yellow as the theme of the baby’s room.

When he asked why yellow, I just shrugged. I didn’t tell him that yellow reminded me of our law school days… Iyong kung paanong walking sunshine ang tingin ko sa kanya dahil parang ang saya-saya niya palagi… Iyon pala ay magaling lang siyang magtago ng mga problema niya.

“I’ll be back as soon as possible,” I said. “As soon as mahuli kung sino iyong sumaksak sa ’kin,” I continued. “It shouldn’t be long… Papa’s really doing everything he can to find out who did that.”

“I’m gonna email you a lot…”

“Just facetime me.”

“Pwede?”

“Iñigo,” I called instead. Agad siyang humarap sa akin. I clearly saw the dark circle around his eyes. “I love you,” I said and his lips parted at the mention of the three words. “I’m leaving because I love you. We need this space. We just lost our son. Alam ko kahit hindi mo sabihin sa akin, may parte sa ’yo na sinisisi ako sa nangyari and I honestly don’t blame you for that… I blame myself, too… Every night, I think about that day… I can clearly remember the feeling of being stabbed… of thinking about the baby… kung paanong hindi pa ako handang mamatay dahil hindi pa kita pwedeng iwan…”

Umiling siya.

“It’s no one’s fault—”

“We both know that it’s my fault,” I said, cutting him off. “And I’m really sorry, Iñigo… I’m sorry…”

Pero hindi ko na nasunod iyong sasabihin ko dahil naramdaman ko ang braso niyang mabilis akong niyakap. I felt him kissing the top of my head.

“Saan ka pupunta?” tanong niya.

“Alaska,” I replied.

“Di ba malamig ’dun? Pinanindigan mo na ba ang pagiging Queen Elsa mo?”

I broke the hug and glared at him. I saw him smile. It’s been weeks since I saw him smile.

“This will be good for us,” I said.

“Paano?”

“You can learn to be… independent.”

“Cha, I’d been independent my whole life.”

Sadness washed over me. Iñigo’s been so strong that I almost always forgot how he lived alone almost all his life… He’s much stronger than what I give him credit for.

“But you’d been dependent on my decisions ever since we became together,” I said instead. “And… hindi naman ako matagal mawawala.”

“Paano kapag hindi agad nahuli iyong sumaksak sa ’yo? Pwede ba akong sumunod sa Alaska?”

“If you can convince my dad, sure.”

“Okay,” he said, tightening his hold around me. “May kasama ka ba roon?”

“Wala. Ako lang.”

I was actually looking forward to it. I felt like all my life, I’d been reading and studying. Mula pagkabata ko hanggang maka-graduate ako hanggang sa pagta-trabaho, nag-aaral lang ako. I looked forward to just sleeping and bumming around. It would be a nice change of scenery.

“Okay… Hindi mo naman siguro ako ipagpapalit sa Canadian, noh?”

“Hindi naman siguro.”

“Hindi ka sigurado?”

“Hindi pa naman tayo kasal,” I kidded, but he was too serious that he failed to hear the lack of seriousness in my voice. Bakit ko naman siya ipagpapalit? We’d been through so much already. I just needed the space—hindi lang para sa akin kung hindi para na rin sa kanya.

He removed the hug and then got something from his pocket. I saw the ring again. Was he just really carrying that around?

“This is yours,” he said, handing me the ring.

“Iñigo—”

“Kahit ’wag mo munang suotin… Itago mo muna,” he said, grabbing my hand and placing the ring on my palm. “Just take it. As a reminder that I’m here, waiting.”

I sighed, giving in and taking the ring. I held it inside my hand. I looked at him and saw how serious he was.

“Use this time wisely,” I said. He looked so sad. “Iñigo, this will be good for you,” I continued because I didn’t want him thinking that I was leaving for nothing… because I seriously believe that this time apart would be good for us—for him mostly.

I thought about the entire time we had and I hated that I failed to recognize how he’d been the only one adjusting. He needed to regain himself—who he was before we got together. I felt like he’d adjusted too much that he actually forgot who he is, what he wants… kasi puro ako ang inuuna niya.

“You’re good for me,” he said.

“Iñigo…”

He sighed. “Okay,” he replied.

He’s giving in again.

Tumayo ako. I looked at him and offered my hand.

“Naayos mo na ba iyong gamit sa apartment?” I asked. Umiling siya. “Tutulungan muna kitang ayusin ’yun bago ako umalis.”

Iñigo looked like he’s fighting every fiber of his being that was shouting for him to stop me from leaving… but he did no such thing. Tahimik niyang kinuha ang kamay ko at saka siya tumayo.

“Dylan,” he suddenly said.

“Huh?”

“People v Villa del Rey,” he replied. “That’s the case I won nung mabuo si baby…” sabi niya habang naka-tingin sa akin. He smiled sadly. “I reread the case. Dylan lang iyong magandang pangalan ’dun para sana kay baby.”

I smiled back.

“Dylan. I like that,” I said and then looked at our son’s grave. “We’ll be back, Dylan,” I continued before we got out of the mausoleum.

---

Iñigo was lying when he told me na hindi pa siya tapos mag-ayos ng gamit. Pagdating namin sa apartment, halos naka-ayos na ang lahat. May dalawang box na lang na hindi pa nabubuksan, pero iyon na ’yun.

“Sabi mo hindi ka pa tapos,” I said.

“May dalawa pa,” he defended, but I merely stared at him. “Wala akong magawa kaya inayos ko na lahat,” he continued.

I wanted to ask him about his work, but I figured that that’s his decision. I never asked him to resign and I would never do it. Alam ko kung gaano niya ka-gusto ang trabaho niya. That’s the reason why he’s so good at it—because he actually loves being a prosecutor.

“Kailan ang alis mo?” he asked while waiting for the water to boil.

“Bukas.”

Napa-hinto siya.

“Babalik naman ako agad,” I said, feeling the need to add it.

Iñigo made us coffee. Tahimik siya nang ilagay niya iyon sa harap ko. The apartment looked really nice. Ngayon ko lang nakita ito ng ganito ka-linis dahil buong pagtira namin dito, puro box ang nakikita ko.

“Ano’ng gagawin ko habang wala ka?” tanong niya sa akin.

Naka-upo kami at nanonood ng kung anuman ang nasa TV, pero buong atensyon ko ay nasa kanya lang.

“Magtrabaho… Maglinis ng apartment… Maggrocery… Pwede ka ng mamili ng ulam mo sa dinner ng hindi ako tinatanong.”

“I really don’t mind that, Cha,” sabi niya. “Kaya kita tinatanong palagi kung ano ang gusto mong kainin kasi sa ating dalawa, ikaw ’yung mahinang kumain. Kaya gusto ko na ’yung ulam natin gusto mo para marami kang kinakain.”

Humigpit ang hawak ko sa tasa.

He’s really too good for me.

I smiled at him, trying my hardest to not tear up. “Well… for now, pwede ka ng kumain ng kahit ano’ng gusto mo.”

He smiled sadly. “Right… Exciting,” he sarcastically said.

Silence engulfed us again.

Sa bawat segundo, ramdam ko iyong paglamig ng kape.

“Babalik ka naman, ’di ba?” muling tanong niya.

“I promise.”

“Maghihintay ako.”

“Alam ko.”

“Naka-usap ko si Katherine,” sabi niya. “Nagsorry ako sa kanya.”

Agad akong napa-tingin sa kanya. Kitang-kita ko iyong higpit ng pagkaka-hawak niya sa tasa niya. Parang anumang segundo ay mababasag na lang ’yun.

“Galit na galit siya sa ’kin.”

I threw all inhibitions away and just bridged the distance and wrapped him inside my arms. I knew that he always had a soft spot for Katherine… Parang ako kay Jax… They’re our friends… The friendship we formed during law school days was different. It’s something I couldn’t explain.

I’d seen how hard it was for him every time he’d go in front and argue for Katherine’s prosecution. Alam na alam ko iyon dahil ako ang kasama ni Iñigo pagkatapos ng bawat hearing. I saw how hard it was for him and how he gave in and questioned the judge when he couldn’t take it anymore.

“I’ll talk to her,” I said.

“Wag na. Tama naman siya. May kasalanan din naman ako.”

“You just chose us, your family,” I replied. “I’m sorry I didn’t choose us, Iñigo…”

I felt him tightening the hug.

“Let’s stop apologizing, Cha… Tapos na… Wala na tayong magagawa… Just please… Please come back to me when you’re ready,” he whispered against my ear.

I combed his hair.

He’s such a baby sometimes.

“I promise,” I said. “Pagbalik ko, hahanap na tayo ng lupa and magpapatayo na tayo ng bahay. Kaya magtrabaho kang mabuti kasi kailangan natin ng pera,” I continued and I felt him smiling.

Chapter 53

#CTG53 

Chapter 53

Agad na napa-kunot ang noo ko nang buksan ni Katherine iyong pinto ng apartment niya. My nose immediately smelled the familiar smell…

“Hi,” Katherine replied, smiling awkwardly at me.

“Welcome to Alaska,” I replied, handing her a small potted plant. Hindi ko kasi alam kung ano ang ibibigay. Medyo weird. I invited her here, but I really didn’t know where to start. Ngayon lang kami nagkita pagkatapos kong manggaling sa ospital.

I didn’t even know what came to me when I suggested that she came here. All I remembered was Gracey telling me that I should go make friends habang nandito ako sa Alaska… And I tried. I really did try… But I sucked at being friendly. Iyong mga kaibigan ko, naging kaibigan ko lang dahil wala akong choice dahil ka-block ko sila.

And Iñigo basically weaseled his way into my life.

So, when Katherine told me that she wanted to leave the Philippines for a while, I quickly suggested Alaska. She’s friendly—maybe she could help me become friendly, too.

“Pasok ka,” she said, widening the door’s opening.

I looked around and saw that she hadn’t fully unpacked yet. Ang dami niyang dala. Gaano ba siya katagal dito? Dalawang maleta lang ang dala ko nang pumunta ako dito samantalang siya, lima na malalaki na agad iyong nakita ko.

“I cooked,” she said.

Kumunot ang noo ko. I perfectly remembered Jax telling me that Katherine couldn’t cook. Hindi ko alam kung bakit niya sinabi sa ’kin ’yun.

“Wait, patapos na ako,” she continued. “Make yourself feel at home. I’ll just finish that and we’ll eat.”

I looked around and saw all her things lying around… pero kahit na magulo pa ang lahat, agad na nakita ko na isa lang iyong naka-ayos na—iyong picture nila ni Jax nung nasa law school pa sila. I knew that it’s from law school days dahil iba pa iyong buhok ni Katherine. And her smile… it’s different before.

Ngayon, parang kahit naka-ngiti siya, malungkot pa rin.

And I honestly couldn’t blame her.

I wanted to sit on the couch pero ang daming naka-patong kaya naman naka-tayo lang ako sa isang gilid. I was bored and getting hungry dahil sa amoy ng niluluto ni Katherine. I got my phone and saw that Gracey texted me.

“Hi!” she greeted.

“Why?” I asked because she told me sa text na tawagan ko agad siya. I knew that Iñigo wouldn’t tell me everything, so I asked Gracey to look after him. And she’s very happy to oblige.

“Tinanggap na ni Iñigo ’yung sa Jimenez Law Firm,” she said, frowning. “Kausapin mo naman…”

I pursed my lips.

Iñigo and I already talked about it. Because of everything that happened, he’s kind of blacklisted from the good firms in the country… Iba talaga iyong influence ng dati niyang frat. Pati sa government hindi siya maka-apply dahil na rin sa laki ng ginawa niyang gulo nang irecommend niya iyong dismissal.

“I’ll talk to him,” I told Gracey. Ayokong sabihin kay Gracey iyong sinabi sa akin ni Iñigo. I knew how hard it must be for him… He used to be one of the most sought-after lawyers… Tapos ngayon, wala ng gustong tumanggap sa kanya.

“Okay… Pero start na kasi siya bukas talaga. One-year contract lang naman. Sabi niya kaysa wala siyang ginagawa habang hinihintay ka.”

I nodded. “I know.”

“Sige, may gagawin pa ko. Ingat ka d’yan, okay? Balik ka agad dito kapag okay ka na,” Gracey said, smiling before ending the call.

Nang matapos kaming mag-usap ay at saka ko lang napansin na kanina pa pala naka-hain iyong pagkain. I caught Katherine watching me. I put my phone back inside my pocket.

She smiled at me.

“Let’s eat?”

I took my seat and confirmed what I’d been thinking the whole time I was here—pares.

“Jax said favorite mo ’to,” she began. She pursed her lips as she drew a deep breath. “First of all, I’d like to thank you for everything that you did for me… Na kahit hindi tayo magkaibigan, tinulungan mo pa rin ako. Maraming salamat, Cha.”

“No problem,” I replied. “But can I ask for a favor?”

“Anything,” she said.

“Talk to Iñigo,” I replied. Her lips parted. “You were right—we weren’t friends then… so, imagine how Iñigo must’ve felt when he said all those things to you.”

Hindi makapagsalita si Katherine. I knew how she felt dahil nakita ko mismo sa mga mata niya nung hearing. Nakita ko kung gaano siya kagalit kay Iñigo nang gamitin nito ang baby niya laban kay Katherine.

But she said it herself—she’s a lawyer. And there are things we do that should never be taken personally. And that was included. She knew that her baby would be used against her—Jax repeatedly reminded her… Nasaktan lang siya dahil si Iñigo ang nagsabi. But Iñigo didn’t want that. I was there. I saw him breaking down after he said all those things.

“Okay,” she said.

“When?”

“When I’m ready,” she replied in a manner that stopped me from asking more. She drew a deep breath and smiled. “Kain na tayo? Nahirapan akong iluto ’yan, pero favorite mo raw… Sana magustuhan mo.”

I internally rolled my eyes. At least she’s back to being a brat.

Nang matapos kaming kumain, Katherine sent me home with a tupper ware full of pares—ang dami pala niyang niluto. Para sa akin daw lahat. Mabuti na lang at masarap dahil hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko rito kung masama ang lasa. I’d be too guilty to throw it away. Mabuti na lang talaga at okay siya.

Ilang linggo rin na pinabayaan ko si Katherine na mag-isa dahil wala ako sa mood na masungitan niya. So, it was a surprise when she knocked on my door.

“What?” I asked. I just finished talking to Iñigo and forced him to send me some of the files he was reading. Nasabi niya kasi sa ’kin na sobrang dami niyang workload… and wala naman akong ginagawa.

“Are you free?” she asked, looking at me hopefully.

“Why?”

“Gusto mong sumama sa ’kin sa mall? May bibilin ako,” she said, smiling.

I checked my email first and saw na wala pang sinesend sa akin si Iñigo. I ended up going to the mall with Katherine and was surprised at how… rich she really is. Naka-ilang swipe kami sa lahat ng pinuntahan namin.

“Do you really need all these?” I asked while we’re holding a bunch of paper bags.

“Sa ’yo ’yung iba d’yan?”

“Wala akong pinapa-bili sa ’yo.”

“I know. But they will look cute on you,” she said, grinning. “You’re so white and thin. Ang sarap mong bihisan.”

What the hell? Ginawa pa akong barbie nito.

I was so confused with what happened the entire day. All I knew was that I ended up with a bunch of paper bags from Louis Vuitton, Chanel, Gucci, and other brands I wasn’t that familiar with.

After that day, pumunta ulit si Katherine sa apartment ko. This time, she’s asking me to accompany her to buy a new bed frame dahil hindi niya raw gusto iyong nasa apartment niya.

And then the next day, iba na naman ang bibilhin niya.

“Why don’t you just live in a hotel?” I asked when I realized that she practically replaced everything in the apartment.

She smiled. “Sorry. Napagod ka ba?”

“Not really.”

She handed me another paper bag. “Stop bribing me,” I said, frowning when I saw that it was a paper bag from YSL.

“Please? This bag will look really cute on the pink LV pantsuit that we got.”

God, she’s tiresome!

Habang pinipilit niya akong tanggapin iyong bigay niyang bag, nagring iyong phone ko. She saw that it was from Iñigo. She averted her gaze and stood up.

“Ano’ng meryenda ang gusto mo?” she asked.

“Kahit ano,” I replied.

Sobrang bilis niyang maka-punta sa kusina. I immediately answered Iñigo’s call and frowned when I saw how long his hair was. Ang pasaway ni Jax! I told him to drag Iñigo to the barbershop. Mukha ng homeless si Iñigo!

Iñigo smiled uneasily nang makita niya ako. He immediately brushed his fingers through his hair. “Sorry… ’Di talaga ako maka-alis. Ang dami kong binabasa.”

“I think Rory has haircutting experience. Gusto mo papuntahin ko sa apartment?” I asked because I was seriously annoyed by his hair. Sobrang unclean niya tignan.

He shook his head. “No. Pupunta na ako bukas, promise,” he said.

“I’m sure may bukas pa naman na barbershop sa mall,” I replied. Alam ko gabi na siya nakaka-alis sa trabaho dahil ganoon karami iyong case na binibigay sa kanya. Because despite his reputation, Iñigo’s still a very efficient lawyer. And I extremely hate what’s happening to him.

“Yes. Promise. Magpapa-gupit na ako bukas,” he said.

“Ang haba ng bangs mo.”

He laughed. “Okay na?” he asked when he got a rubber band and tied his bangs. Mukha naman siyang poodle ngayon. Pero at least nakikita ko na nang maayos iyong mukha niya.

Iñigo and I talked for a few minutes before I told him that I needed to go already, pero ang totoo ay kanina ko pa nakikita na nagpipigil siyang humikab sa harap ko. Inaantok na siguro talaga siya.

Nang bumalik si Katherine, I saw that she’s carrying a pitcher of water and some bread.

“If you really want to make up to me, just please talk to Iñigo,” I said. Alam ko naman na kaya sobrang dami niyang binibigay sa akin ay dahil nagi-guilty siya sa pagkamatay ni Dylan… pero wala naman siyang kasalanan ’dun. I chose to go out that day… at alam ko naman na kahit hindi ako lumabas nung araw na ’yun, I’d still get stabbed if that person’s really determined to harm me.

It’s one of those things that was out of anyone’s control.

“I’ll talk to him… I promise,” she said, smiling sadly. “I’ll really talk to him, Cha… Naghahanap lang ako ng tamang oras… Hindi ko kasi alam kung paano ako magsisimula. Alam ko na masakit ’yung mga salitang nasabi ko sa kanya dati. I was so blinded by losing my child and the possibility of spending the rest of my life in prison that I was just so mad and wanted to lash out at the world…” She drew a deep breath. “He deserves an apology from me… Pero hindi sa telepono. I’ll apologize in person… Kapag umuwi na ako.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Uuwi ka na?”

“Hindi ko pa alam… Siguro… Miss na miss ko na si Jax,” she said, sighing. “Ikaw, hindi ka pa ba uuwi?”

I pursed my lips.

Of course I wanted to come home… pero hindi pa rin nahuhuli kung sino iyong nag-utos sa sumaksak sa ’kin… Papa already caught who stabbed me, but even before he could get to the guy, the guy got shot.

Jax said na tapos na raw… na naka-kulong na iyong totoong pumatay kay Kier… pero kahit na ganon, hindi pa rin ako matahimik dahil hindi ko alam kung sino talaga ang gumawa nun sa ’kin. I’d always be on the lookout. I’d always feel threatened.

---

I really didn’t know what was the point of buying all the things Katherine buy… I felt like she just did this whole stay here in Alaska as a remodel project para sa apartment niya. O kung hindi naman kami nag-aayos ng apartment niya, I’d drag her to the mall para naman may iba kaming ginagawa… but for some reason, we’d always end up just buying more things.

I was so tired of her spending money that we actually went mountain climbing. At least wala siyang mabibili sa bundok.

“Uuwi ka nga?” I asked when I went to Katherine’s apartment and saw almost all of her things covered by white linen. Seriously. What’s the fucking point of everything?

“Yes. I told you, ’di ba? Bakit kasi hindi ka na lang sumabay sa akin pauwi?”

Sinabi niya ba? I just remembered her drunkenly telling me that she’ll book a ticket dahil miss na miss niya na ang mukha ni Jax… I didn’t know she was serious.

“Seriously?” I asked.

“Yes… At saka kasal nila Joey. They’ll kill me kapag hindi ako umuwi,” she continued. “Sabay na lang tayo umuwi… Para hindi boring sa flight.”

Kung hindi ako barbie doll, shopping buddy, mountain climbing buddy, tiga-kain ng experimento niya sa pagkain na madalas ay hindi edible, ngayon naman gusto niya akong isabit pauwi.

I shrugged.

Naka-ayos na lahat ng gamit niya… Kung sabagay, kung uuwi din ako bukas, wala naman akong masyadong iuuwi bukod sa mga dinala ko rin dati… pati lahat ng regalo ni Katherine na problema ko pa kung paano dadalhin.

I could seriously buy a nice lot in a nice subdivision kapag binenta ko ’to lalo na iyong mga bag.

“Hindi pwede,” I replied, remembering that Dad and Chase will come visit me here. The last time, sina Charlie at Ahia ang bumisita sa akin.

“Di mo pa rin kinakausap si Iñigo?” she asked.

“Kinakausap,” I replied. Hindi ko na lang kinakausap si Iñigo sa harap ni Katherine dahil nakikita ko iyong pagbabago ng itsura niya tuwing nakikita niya iyong pangalan ni Iñigo sa phone ko…

And Iñigo, too, kapag alam niya na katabi ko si Katherine.

Ako iyong nahihirapan sa kanilang dalawa.

“And?”

I shrugged. “I’m not ready. Yet. I don’t know. I’m enjoying staying here…”

“Wala kang balak umuwi?”

Hindi agad ako naka-sagot. Hindi ko masabi sa kanya na ang dahilan kung bakit hindi ako maka-uwi ay dahil hindi ako matahimik hanggang hindi ko nalalaman talaga kung sino iyong sumaksak sa akin… Hindi ko masabi kay Katherine dahil kahit pa mga Ramirez o si Priscilla Sy ang may pakana, either way, Katherine would still blame herself.

And I was seriously done with people blaming themselves dahil ang dapat naman talaga naming sisihin ay iyong nag-utos na saksakin ako.

“Meron… Though hindi ko alam kung kailan talaga…”

She frowned. “Fine.”

“Di ka na ba babalik dito?” I asked instead.

“Maybe just for a visit… because I’m finally coming home…” She looked at me and smiled—it was a different one. “So… if may gusto kang gamit dito, feel free na kunin… Or better yet, dito ka na lang tumira dahil mukhang empty box ’yung apartment mo, yes offense.”

I helped Katherine pack her things—iyong sobrang dami niyang gamit. Sobrang dami niya talagang gamit na iyong iba, dinala namin sa Good Will para mapakinabangan naman. Most of that, bago pa talaga. Ginawa niyang therapy ang shopping sa dami ng binili niya.

“Final answer na ba ’yan?” she asked when I drove her to the airport.

“Yeah,” I replied as I was helping her bring out the luggages from the car. God, ang dami niyang gamit! Buti talaga sila ni Jax ang nagkatuluyan dahil iyon namang isang ’yun, walang gamit.

When we finally got all her luggage neatly stacked, she stood in front of me and then quickly hugged me tightly.

“Thank you for everything, Cha,” she said.

“No problem,” I said, tapping her back.

“Thank you for inviting me to come here. It really helped.”

“Nagshopping ka lang naman dito.”

She laughed. “Half the things I bought, para kay Jax.”

I rolled my eyes. It’s true, anyway. Tuwing nasa mall kami, ang maririnig ko sa kanya ay ’Bagay ‘to kay Jax!’ and then the next thing I knew, her credit card’s being swiped.

Katherine got something from her purse and handed it to me.

“My apartment’s paid for until next year,” she said. “Dun ka na lang, Cha. Mas maayos and complete ’yung apartment ko… Pero mas maganda kung uuwi ka na sa Pilipinas.”

I got the keys. “Thanks.”

She frowned. “Ewan ko sa ’yo.”

“Do me a favor and talk to Iñigo pagdating mo.”

She smiled. “I will. I promise.”

I watched as she disappeared from my vision. She was smiling so much—halatang excited na talaga siyang umuwi. Palagay ko ay matagal niya ng gustong umuwi kaya lang ay hindi siya maka-uwi dahil hinihintay niya ako… Nagkataon lang na kailangan niya na ring umuwi para sa kasal ni Psalm.

I sighed.

Gusto ko na ring umuwi…

---

Few days after I went to the airport, bumalik na naman ako roon para sunduin sina Papa. Nagulat ako nang makita ko na kasama niya sina Chester at Gracey.

“What… the hell?” I asked when I saw Gracey’s stomach.

“Surprise!” she shouted, hugging me. “Ninang ka, okay? Kailangan mong umuwi sa Pilipinas para sa binyag!”

“Nagpa-buntis ka ba para kailanganin kong umuwi?”

She laughed. “Maybe…” she said, grinning. “But really, ninang ka, okay?”

Nang maka-rating kami sa apartment ni Katherine, Gracey was taking pictures dahil gagayahin niya raw para sa bagong bahay nila. I swore, may talent si Katherine sa interior designing… o baka masyado lang talaga siyang bored. Pero maganda talaga iyong apartment niya kaya naman napalipat na rin ako.

“Di ka ba matutulog?” I asked Gracey dahil tulog na sina Papa at Chester dahil sa pagod sa byahe.

Gracey shook her head. “No. Tulog lang ako sa plane, e,” she said. “Yung dalawa uminom lang kaya masakit ulo,” she continued. “Kailan balak mong umuwi?”

I continued trimming my plant. Never in my life did I think na mag-aalaga ako ng halaman. Kung si Katherine napagtripan ang pagsa-shopping, halaman naman ang sa ’kin.

“Di ko pa alam,” sagot ko.

“Di mo namimiss si Iñigo?” she asked.

“Of course I miss him.”

“E bakit ayaw mo pang umuwi?”

I sighed before I told her the real reason why I couldn’t come home… Iyong dahilan kung bakit hindi ko masabi kay Iñigo dahil alam ko na malulungkot siya sa dahilan ko… Alam ko naman na sarili ko lang iyong kalaban ko… And I was seriously just waiting for the day na magiging maayos na ulit ako.

Nakaka-punta na ako sa mall mag-isa.

Ng hindi kailangang tumingin palagi sa likod.

Nakaka-tulog na rin ako ng isang beses lang chine-check kung naka-lock na ba lahat.

“The same thing happened to me before,” Gracey said.

“I know,” I replied. And she’s been so strong. Paano kaya ’yun?

“Ang tagal kong natakot…” she said, smiling sadly. “Naging okay lang ako nung nagdu-duty ako sa hospital,” she continued. “Every day, I witness people dying. Doon talaga nagbago iyong perspective ko, Cha. Na pwede pala na ’yung araw mo ngayon, huling araw mo na. Na iyong paggising mo ngayon, huling gising mo na. So, I pushed myself to go out again… To live… Kasi swerte na nga ako na nagising pa ako, e… Kaya ayokong sayangin ’yung chance na binigay sa ’kin… Kasi iyong iba hindi kasing swerte ko, natin na nagkakaroon ng pangalawang buhay…” She smiled. “May mga malas na nagfa-flatline, Cha.”

Hindi ako maka-sagot.

“I’m just scared,” I almost whispered.

It didn’t feel real to be this scared.

I’d always been brave my whole life.

Hindi ko alam kung paano maging takot.

“We’re all a little scared,” Gracey said. “But sometimes, we have to be brave.”

“Hindi madali.”

“Hindi talaga. Pero hindi pwede na nandito ka lang at nagtatago. Your life’s in Manila, Cha… Nandun si Iñigo, naghihintay sa ’yo… You can’t hide here forever… May chance na hindi na natin malalaman kung sino iyong talagang may gawa… Ibig sabihin ba nun magtatago ka na lang dito?”

Hindi ako naka-sagot.

“Iñigo’s waiting, Cha. He won’t tell you, but he’s really sad and alone,” she said, tapping my shoulder before standing up and leaving me with my plant.

After Gracey left me, I grabbed my laptop and was about to book a ticket when I noticed a message from Katherine.

From: Katherine Arellano

I’m getting married!!!!!!! You’re invited! You’re one of my bride’s maids! Attendance is a must! Send ko yung ticket mo, okay? Roundtrip ’yung pero feel free na yung one-way lang to Manila ang gamitin mo x

I downloaded the ticket she got me and smiled to myself. I’m coming home.

Chapter 54

#CTG54 Chapter 54

“You’re here!” Katherine shouted upon seeing me. Kakarating ko lang kahapon at sa bahay muna ako dumiretso. I wanted to go to my apartment, but Papa insisted na sa bahay muna ako matulog. He was being so paranoid… pero hindi ko naman siya masisi dahil kahit naman ako, hindi pa rin naaalis iyong kaba.

But Gracey was right.

Life goes on… hindi pwede na tumigil ang buhay ko dahil doon.

“Why are you so surprised?” I asked.

Katherine rolled her eyes. “Joey, favor, pasamahan naman si Cha sa makeup and iyong dress nasa car yata. Make sure na isusuot niya! Pasaway ’yan, e!”

Napa-buntong hininga na lang ako. I really should’ve looked for Iñigo first bago ko pinuntahan si Katherine… but then I remembered that I was one of the bride’s maids, so I needed to see her first.

Tahimik akong naka-sunod kay Joey. I felt like she wanted to talk to me, pero hindi niya alam kung saan magsisimula.

“Buti pumayag kang umuwi,” she finally said nung nasa sasakyan na kami.

“She already got me tickets,” I replied.

Joey laughed. “Yeah… She’s really like that,” she said. “But I’m really happy na maayos na ulit siya.”

I agreed. I’d rather Katherine annoy me to death kaysa makita ko na naman siya kagaya nung nasa kulungan pa siya. We weren’t even friends then, pero sobra akong naapektuhan sa kaso niya. She looked so down… so defeated… Naawa ako kay Jax nun. Kitang-kita ko na kung pwede lang na itakas niya si Katherine sa kulungan, gagawin niya. He was that desperate to get her out.

Joey handed me a champagne colored dress tapos ay pumunta kami sa isang kwarto kung saan mine-make-up-an iyong ibang bride’s maids. Agad kong nakilala iyong ibang kaibigan ni Katherine dahil nakikita ko sila madalas noon nung ongoing pa iyong kaso.

I specifically told the makeup artist not to put too much make-up. After that, pinabayaan ko na lang siya.

“Ang ganda, Cha!” Joey said, beaming. “Nagkita na ba kayo ni Iñigo? Nakita ko siya kanina na kasama nila Jax.”

I pursed my lips.

Maybe I should go see him… pero bago pa man ako makapagsabi sa kanila ay hinatak na nila ako pabalik sa suite ni Katherine para sa picture taking.

They took lots of pictures. Katherine was smiling in all of them—she looked so happy. Masaya rin naman siya sa pictures ng kasal nila ni Kier… but there’s something about her smile now…

Si Jax talaga ’yung gusto niya mula noon hanggang ngayon.

Sure, maybe she really did love Kier… pero iba si Jax.

Napa-aray ako nang humigpit ang hawak ni Katherine sa kamay ko. Kumunot ang noo ko at sasabihin ko pa sana na bitawan niya ako, pero nang sundan ng mga mata ko ang mata niya, natigilan din ako.

I saw how Iñigo’s eyes widened upon seeing me.

“He’s not supposed to see me yet!” Katherine said, panicking. Bumilis na naman ang mga pangyayari dahil mabilis na umalis sina Anj habang hatak-hatak ako. Ni hindi ako naka-lapit man lang kay Iñigo dahil sa nangyari.

Habang hatak-hatak ako ni Andrea, naramdaman ko iyong pagvibrate ng phone ko. I quickly got it from my pocket and answered it while I was walking.

“Cha,” Iñigo said. “Nasan ka?”

“I don’t know,” I replied because I sincerely had no idea kung saan kami papunta ngayon.

“Kailan ka pa bumalik?” he asked.

“Yesterday,” I said, but then the organizer told us to keep our phones kaya naman nagpaalam na agad ako kay Iñigo dahil sa akin mismo naka-tingin iyong organizer.

“Iñigo?” Joey asked. I nodded. “Don’t worry, makikita mo naman siya mamaya sa church.”

I wasn’t exactly sure… ganoon na ba ka-close sina Jax at Iñigo kasi parang naka-tuxedo din si Iñigo… Groom’s man ba siya?

Pagdating namin sa simbahan, agad kaming pina-pila nung organizer.

“Cha.”

Agad akong napa-tingin sa pinanggalingan ng boses. My lips parted when I saw Iñigo again. I was about to say a word, but he quickly bridged the small distance between us and caught me inside his arms. He held me so close that it was hard to breathe for a second.

“Kanina pa kita hinahanap…” bulong niya sa ’kin habang yakap pa rin ako.

“Kanina pa rin nila ako hina-hatak,” sagot ko.

I felt him laugh.

“Bakit ’di mo sinabi na uuwi ka na? Dapat sinundo kita.”

I remained silent. Mamaya ko na sasabihin sa kanya iyong tungkol kay Papa. I needed to sit the two of them down para maging maayos sila. Hindi naman pwede na ayaw lang ni Papa kay Iñigo kasi hindi aalis si Iñigo sa buhay ko. He needed to deal with that and move on.

Iñigo broke the hug and stared at my face.

“What?” I asked, feeling conscious with the way he was staring at me.

“Hindi ka na aalis ulit?” he asked back.

“The next time I’d leave, isasama na kita,” I replied. The side of his lips rose, but only for a few seconds dahil nagagalit na naman iyong wedding organizer at sinabihan na kami na pumila.

The wedding ceremony was very intimate. Konti lang ang tao… parang mas marami pa nga iyong security sa labas ng simbahan pati sa hotel. Kahit naka-ngiti na si Katherine, ramdam na ramdam mo pa rin iyong trauma na nakuha niya sa lahat ng nangyari.

Pareho lang kami… mas magaling lang siguro akong magtago.

When Jax kissed his bride, napa-tingin ako sa iba dahil nailang ako sa paraan ng paghalik niya kay Katherine… It almost felt like I was intruding a very private moment.

These two, really…

Nang matapos iyong ceremony, we took pictures. It was a very happy occasion. Naka-ngiti lahat ng tao. Sobrang saya.

“Congrats,” I told Jax nang maka-usap ko na siya finally.

“Thanks. Nakita mo na?” he asked.

“Yeah…” I said.

“Did you talk?”

“Not really the kind of talk you’re asking,” I replied. “But we will. Later.”

Napa-tingin ulit ako kay Iñigo na kasalukuyang kinukuhanan ng picture kasama si Katherine at Deanne. They looked still a little weird… pero masaya ako na okay na sila. They were such good friends back then. Ilang beses ipinagtanggol ni Iñigo si Katherine sa akin noon. Tinuturuan niya pa ng obli dati kahit siya mismo ay nalilito. And when Katherine and Jax broke up, Iñigo was there for her all throughout…

Sayang iyong pagkakaibigan nila.

Hopefully, they’d be back to being close friends.

I was trying to fix the pins in my hair when I saw Iñigo standing right before me. He was looking me like I’d be gone any second.

“Sabay na tayong pumunta sa reception?” he asked.

“I was about to ask you that,” I replied. Nagpahatid lang ako sa hotel kanina dahil balak ko talaga ay sumabay kay Iñigo pabalik sa hotel. I planned on talking to him once and moving back to the apartment and to continue whatever was halted.

It’s about damn time.

Tahimik kaming dalawa sa loob ng sasakyan niya.

“I love you, Cha,” bigla niyang sabi habang naka-tigil kami sa isang stop light. Agad akong napa-tingin sa kanya. “Na-miss kita nang sobra.”

He reached for my hand and kissed my knuckles.

“Naka-ready na ’yung pera sa bangko para sa lupa sa bahay natin… kung ’yun pa rin ’yung plano.”

With the way he was looking at me, it was almost like I could taste the fear in him… Huminga ako nang malalim. I needed to give him assurance that I wouldn’t leave… so he wouldn’t be this afraid that I’d just bolt and leave… kasi simula nung tanggapin ko sa sarili ko na si Iñigo na talaga, wala na akong balak umalis.

“That’s still the plan,” I replied.

His lips parted. “Totoo—”

“Greenlight na,” sabi ko sa kanya.

Iñigo’s eyes focused on driving again, but he would occasionally glance at me… pero kahit na ganoon, hawak pa rin ng kanang kamay niya ang kamay ko. He rested our hands on his thigh and I just let him.

Pagdating namin sa hotel, binigay namin iyong susi ng sasakyan niya sa valet. The valet looked a little shocked with Iñigo’s modest Vios compared sa mamahaling sasakyan ng mga kaibigan ni Katherine.

But I’m proud of Iñigo’s Vios—that’s his hard work.

“Dito ’yung ballroom, Cha,” Iñigo said, pointing at the direction of the elevator papunta sa floor kung nasaan iyong mga ballroom.

Dumiretso ako hanggang sa maka-rating kami sa pool area. This was the exact same hotel kung saan kami nag-usap noon… Ang dami pala naming memories sa hotel na ’to.

I stopped just few steps from the railings that showed the view of the Manila bay.

“How are you?” I asked. Alam ko nag-uusap kami sa chat, pero iba iyong sa personal. Iba iyong katabi ko siya mismo. With Iñigo gone, I appreciated him even more… Akala ko siya lang iyong naging dependent sa akin… Hindi ko napansin na ako rin pala… Nung unang mga linggo ko sa Alaska, ilang beses akong hindi naka-kain ng dinner dahil walang nagpapaalala sa akin. And I’d been too tired to get off of bed. Wala kasing Iñigo na nangungulit.

I appreciated him even more now.

“Okay naman,” sagot niya.

“Buti nagpa-gupit ka.”

He laughed a little. “Yeah… Sabi ni Kitty aattend ka raw, e… Kaya lang wala ka namang sinabi sa ’kin kaya ’di ko alam kung san ako maniniwala… Pero to be sure, nagpa-gupit na lang din ako.”

I felt him standing beside me and facing me. Ramdam ko iyong tingin niya sa kwintas ko kung saan naka-sabit iyong singsing. I held it, and then looked at him.

“Let’s get married,” I said. Iñigo’s lips parted like he was surprised to hear the words from my mouth… pero hindi naman nagbago iyong plano… Na-delay lang… Pero alam ko na dito pa rin kami babagsak.

“Or do you want me to get on my knees—” I asked because he was still silent after a few seconds, like he’s so stunned.

Agad siyang umiling. “No. Let’s get married.”

I nodded. “Help me,” I said as I turned my back on him para matulungan niya akong tanggalin iyong kwintas ko. I felt Iñigo’s shaking hands. Kinakabahan pa rin siya. Maybe I should kneel down and properly ask him to marry me… Paano ko ba siya mapapaniwala na gustung-gusto ko rin siyang pakasalan? I’d even been so bored when Katherine left that I actually made a mood board for the wedding—it was quite challenging dahil may budget akong sinusundan dahil alam ko na iba na iyong sitwasyon namin ni Iñigo ngayon kaysa noon nung una niya akong inayang magpakasal.

He’s in a different job.

I was jobless.

But we’re in this together.

We’d been through the worst… I was sure we’d get by just fine.

Nang matanggal niya iyong kwintas, agad kong sinalo iyon… pero agad ko ring naramdaman ang yakap ni Iñigo. I felt him breathing deeply behind me.

“I have nothing to offer you now, Cha…” bulong niya sa akin. Ramdam na ramdam ko sa boses niya iyong hirap. I knew he wanted to give me everything…

I held his hand.

“I just want to be completely honest,” he continued, taking a deep breath. “Hindi ko alam kung makaka-hanap pa ulit ako ng magandang trabaho… Hindi ko alam kung maibibigay ko pa sa ’yo lahat ng pinangako ko noon… Pero iyong sa lupa ng bahay, pangako kahit iyon lang tutuparin—”

I broke the hug, faced him, and then got down on my knees.

“Will you marry me?” I asked him still.

“Tumayo ka nga—”

“Will you marry me?” I asked him again.

Iñigo tried to pull me up, but I was adamant. Umupo siya hanggang magpantay ang mga mukha namin.

“Cha—”

“Did you seriously think that I agreed to marry you just because you can provide for me?” I asked him. “I can very well provide for myself—I agreed to marry you before because I love you, you idiot.”

Iñigo laughed, but I clearly saw the tears forming in his eyes. Such a crybaby.

“Wag ka ngang umiyak,” sabi ko sa kanya kasi naiiyak ako kapag naiiyak siya. Nahahawa na talaga ako sa kanya.

“Pinapa-iyak mo ko,” sagot niya.

I held the ring again in front of him. “Will you marry me?” I asked for the 3rdtime.

He pursed his lips. “Cha—”

“We don’t need to buy a nice lot, Iñigo. If we need to live in a rented apartment for the rest of our lives, I’m good with it… Basta magkasama tayo,” I said while tears betrayed me and began to fall. I looked at him and he was crying, too.

God, I just love him so much.

I’d seriously live anywhere basta kasama siya… Living without him drove me nuts to the point that I became a plant mom.

“Cha naman…”

“I’m serious… Or we can sell the bags Katherine gave me,” seryosong sabi ko sa kanya. Tumawa siya. I was serious. Katherine gave me a Hermès bag. Doon pa lang, okay na pambili ng lupa. Iyong mga LV bag, pwedeng pambili ng mga gamit sa bahay.

Tahimik pa rin siya.

“I’m sorry I had to leave…” I said, holding his cheek with my hand. “Pero nandito na ko… We’ll figure everything out together, okay?”

He nodded, tears still clouding his vision.

“I’ll find a better job…”

“Okay,” I said.

“If I can’t, maybe I’ll try another career.”

I didn’t reply.

Iñigo got the ring from my hand and held my hand.

“Charisse Faith Viste…” he began.

I was trying to breathe evenly, but tears just kept on falling. I wiped the tears to see him better. Para kaming tangang naka-upo dito parehas… but this was happening.

“Cha… I love you beyond reason… God, I know it’s wrong, but I really love you more than myself… You’re everything to me…” He paused and took a deep breath. “Please, let’s get married.”

I nodded.

“Let’s get married,” I replied as he slid the ring on my finger.

Iñigo’s smile on his face was something that I’d etch in my mind. He cupped my face and planted his lips on mine and softly kissed me.

“I love you so much, Cha,” he repeated against my lips.

Chapter 55

#CTG55 Chapter 55

“What is this?” Jax asked as I slid over a check. I invited them over—Jax, Yago, and Rory—for lunch. It’s been a while since I last saw them—nung kasal pa ni Katherine. They’re all married at ako na lang ang natitira dahil gusto ni Iñigo na matapos muna iyong bahay na pinapagawa namin bago kami magpakasal. It’s something that’s been suddenly decided after siyang kausapin ni Papa.

“Ano ’to, Cha?” Rory asked.

I drew a rather deep breath bago ako nagsimula. I thought about this a lot… And this was the best option.

“Let’s start a firm,” I said.

Their jaws dropped and their eyes widened.

“Not you, Rory,” I continued because I knew that Rory actually loved her job and she’s doing very well there… Si Jax naman ay alam ko na hindi pa sigurado sa bago niyang firm. Si Yago naman, ganoon din.

Rory glared at me. “FYI, magaling na ako sa civil cases.”

“Yes, babe,” Yago replied.

Parang tanga talaga ’tong dalawa.

“Wala akong sinabing hindi ka magaling sa civil,” sabi ko.

“Then, bakit hindi ako kasama?”

“Gusto mo bang magresign sa trabaho mo?” I asked and she wasn’t able to answer… I was right. And hindi ko naman siya pipilitin na magresign doon. And kung hindi pumayag sina Jax and Yago, I’d be okay with it, too. Siguro kami na lang ni Iñigo muna.

“What’s going on, Cha?” Jax asked.

I reached for the glass of water in front of me and downed it before I found the courage to ask them again. I knew that I was asking for too much… but I needed to at least try.

I knew Iñigo wouldn’t want me to tell them this, but I needed to. I really tried my best to get him his old job back, pero may naka-kuha na ng pwesto niya and it would still take a long time bago may ma-bakante dahil matagal pa iyong retirement nung mga prosecutors ngayon.

And it was killing me to see Iñigo go to his job everyday dahil kitang-kita ko na hindi siya masaya roon. Even when I went to his new job, I was so surprised because it wasn’t the job I knew Iñigo deserved.

He’s the fucking top notcher, for Christ’s sake!

I was so mad at the Ramirez family.

I explained to them the situation. I told them what they only needed to know. I didn’t want them to see Iñigo as someone who’s pitiful because he wasn’t. I just knew he deserved so much more than what he has right now.

“Okay,” Jax replied.

“Game,” Yago said. “Let’s ask Kitty? ’Di ba ’di naman siya nagta-trabaho ’dun sa firm niya?”

And just like that, sila na iyong nagplano sa kung ano ang mangyayari.

---

We actually waited for almost a year before our plan started to materialize. Hinintay pa namang matapos iyong contract nila and there’s a waiting period bago sila pwedeng magtrabaho. We agreed on Borromeo, Gomez de Liaño, and Yuchengco as the name of our firm. It’s good, though. Maganda ang feedback sa apelido ni Jax at sigurado ako na marami agad kaming mahahatak na clients.

The only thing left is to actually tell Iñigo about the plan…

Nasa sala kami ng apartment. Iñigo was busy looking at the different shades of paint dahil iyon na lang ang kailangan sa bahay na pinapa-gawa namin and we’re finally done. I talked to Katherine about selling the Hermès bag and she even helped me find a buyer. I was starting to think na binigay niya talaga sa ’kin ’yun para ibenta ko.

“Iñigo,” I called.

“Hmm?” sagot niya habang kunot noo pa rin sa pamimili. Pareho lang naman silang puti sa paningin ko.

“Baba mo muna ’yan. Usap muna tayo,” I said.

Iñigo placed the boards down and looked at me. Kahit na magkasama na kami, halata ko pa rin iyong pagod ni Iñigo dahil puyat siya talaga palagi sa trabaho niya. Palibasa alam nila na topnotcher si Iñigo and he’s just a victim of bad publicity. They’re really making him work for his salary. Sa kanya halos bagsak ng mga case na handle nila. Ngayon lang ako nainis sa bilis ni Iñigo magtrabaho. Ang dami kasing binibigay sa kanya dahil ang bilis niya ring maka-tapos.

“Tapos na next week ’yung contract mo, ’di ba?”

“Yeah…”

Deep breaths, Cha.

“Let’s start a law firm.”

Automatic na kumunot ang noo niya. “What?” agad na tanong niya.

“I’m serious,” I said. “I know it’s going to be hard, but we need to start somewhere…”

Personally, ayoko na magkasama kami ni Iñigo sa trabaho dahil alam ko na magiging conflict iyon. Nangyari na dati. Ayokong maulit. There were things that we do that are not nice… And I understand that it’s just part of the job, pero hindi naman ako robot na walang pakiramdam.

But we needed manpower. Mahirap magsimula ng firm. Paulit-ulit na sinabi sa ’min ’to dati sa school—na hindi advisable ang magsimula ng firm kapag bagong abogado ka pa lang… pero hindi na iyon ang kaso ngayon. We all had work experience—lalo na si Jax at Iñigo. They’re all pretty known in our field dahil laging malalaking kaso ang nahahawakan nila.

We just needed to start… no matter how scary it was.

“It’ll probably be a slow start, but we just need to win a good case and word of mouth and I’m sure we’ll be fine,” sabi ko sa kanya. Iñigo remained silent. “What are you thinking?” I asked.

He looked at me.

“Ginagawa mo ba ’to dahil sa ’kin?” he asked.

“Yes,” I honestly replied. “Because you deserve so much more than that crappy job.”

I wanted us to be brutally honest because lies do no good. Hindi ko gusto iyong trabaho niya. Alam naming dalawa na hindi niya gusto ’yun. Wala lang siyang choice dahil sa mga Ramirez na ’yan.

“Cha…” iyon lang ang nasabi niya.

“I don’t want you to think na naaawa ako sa ’yo, Iñigo. I just know how smart you are and you can do so much more. You deserve so much more.”

Hindi pa rin siya nagsasalita.

“Jax and Yago already agreed,” I continued. “They already resigned—”

“What?!” gulat na sagot niya. “Are you fucking serious?”

“Yes. Hindi ko sila pinilit.”

Iñigo nervously ran his fingers through his hair. “Cha…” pagtawag niya na naman sa pangalan ko. It’s almost like saying my name calms him down. Pansin ko na lagi niya iyong ginagawa.

“We already have few clients,” I told him. “Mataas ang retainer fee ni Jax, so we’ll surely survive for at least a year.”

Malakas ang paniniwala ko na magiging okay kami… After all, even the biggest law firms also had to start somewhere else.

Iñigo drew a deep breath. “This is happening, right?”

I nodded. “It’s happening.”

He briefly closed his eyes and nodded. “Okay. Let’s do this.”

---

We rented a floor in a building in Makati. Katherine insisted on buying the office supplies, pero ayaw namin na umasa sa kanya, so we went to an auction and bought office supplies there mula sa isang firm na nagsarado.

“Sure ka na wala iyong last name mo?” Iñigo asked habang kinakabit iyong letters sa pintuan.

“Magiging Borromeo din naman ako,” sagot ko.

His lips parted. “Seryoso?” hindi maka-paniwala niyang tanong. “Akala ko hindi ka magpapalit ng last name…” he said. Si Rory kasi, hindi nagpalit ng last name. Si Katherine naman, ’di pa sila kasal ni Jax pero Yuchengco na talaga siya sa isip niya.

I shrugged. “Charisse Borromeo sounds about right.”

Iñigo bit his lower lip as he smiled. He kissed the side of my head. “Okay, future Mrs. Borromeo,” he said before we heard clearing of the throat. Napa-tingin kami kay Yago.

“Love birds, mamaya na ’yan. Tumawag si Mr. Sales. Nasa presinto daw ’yung anak niya, kailangan i-bail,” Yago said. Wala pa kasi kaming secretary dahil wala pang budget. Pero kapag dumami na iyong clients, we’d surely get one kasi hassle din… pero ang advantage, si Yago ang laging nakaka-sagot ng tawag, and God knows na sobrang bolero ni Yago… so that’s probably a good thing.

Iñigo and I looked at each other.

“So… who’s gonna go?” Yago asked.

“You wanna go?” I asked Iñigo since he’s the one who specialized in Criminal Law… pero baka ’di pa siya ready bumalik sa presinto dahil baka may makita siyang dati niyang ka-trabaho nung prosecutor pa siya.

After a few seconds, Iñigo nodded.

“Yeah, let’s do this,” he said before he went to Yago and they talked about what would be done.

Nang maka-alis si Iñigo, naiwan kami ni Yago. He was looking at me. Kinunutan ko siya ng noo.

“Where’s Rory?” I asked.

“Last day sa office,” he said.

I nodded. Bukas na pala ’yung simula ng maternity leave niya. Si Katherine din buntis. Gusto ko na ulit mabuntis. Mukhang silang tatlo nila Jax lang ang matitira dito kapag nabuntis din ako.

“When are you two gonna get married?” Yago asked.

“Kapag stable na ’yung firm,” I replied.

It almost seemed like may pinapatunayan si Iñigo kay Papa dahil na-delay iyong kasal dahil sa bahay at ngayon naman, sa firm. I kept on telling Iñigo that there’s no reason for him to do that… but I just realized that Iñigo wanted Papa to like him because he’s probably looking at him as a father figure…

Life’s been so unfair to him…

And I swear I’m gonna fight to make it less unfair.

“We’re already stable,” Yago said.

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, right.”

He laughed and got his notebook. “You wanna know where Jax is?” he asked. “He’s in a meeting with the Villamontes…”

My eyes widened a little… I knew that family. They’re always in the news sa kung anu-ano’ng problema.

Yago chuckled at my response. “So, that family alone will keep the firm alive,” sabi niya. “Also, my family agreed to retain our services.”

“Wala bang abogado ang pamilya mo?” I asked. He’s a Gomez de Liaño, for heaven’s sake. Kahit hindi kagalang-galang si Yago, galing siya sa maayos na pamilya.

“Tons, actually… but it won’t hurt to have a back-up,” he replied, grinning.

Umawang na lang ang labi ko.

“So, see? We’re gonna be fine,” he said. “Lalo na kapag may makuha tayong sikat na kaso—we’ll be more than fine.”

Yago leaned back, arching his brow at me.

“So, what’s stopping you?” he asked… and then I realized, no one’s stopping us anymore.

Agad akong tumayo at rinig ko iyong pagtawa ni Yago. He even shouted na ’wag na akong bumalik at magmaternity leave na raw agad ako. Hanggang ngayon, ang ingay pa rin niya.

Pagdating ko sa apartment, agad kong inayos iyong mga kailangan para sa permit namin. It actually took the whole day. Pagdating ni Iñigo sa apartment, he was all smiles kahit halatang pagod siya.

I missed seeing that… him actually being contented on what he’s doing.

“Hi,” he said, kissing my cheek. “Ano’ng ginagawa mo?”

“Requirements sa marriage license,” I replied. Kumunot ang noo niya. “Let’s get married next week.”

“Next week?”

I nodded. “Do you want a church wedding?” I asked him.

“Not really… pero kung saan mo gusto…” sagot niya.

“Let’s have a garden wedding,” I said. “Tapos naman na ’yung garden sa bahay, ’di ba?”

He nodded. Since Iñigo learned that I developed a fondness for plants nung nasa Alaska ako, he made sure that our new house would have a garden for me. Kumuha pa nga siya ng landscape artist. Maraming salamat talaga sa bags ni Katherine.

“Let’s just get catering for the food. Kasya naman tayo sa garden since konti lang naman ang invited,” I continued. I already finished the guest list months ago. Konti lang talaga ’yun dahil gusto ko, iyong mga may ambag lang sa buhay namin ni Iñigo ang nasa kasal.

Iñigo still looked shaken up.

“Ayaw mo ba?” tanong ko.

“Ha? Hindi, gusto ko… pero sigurado ka ba na sa garden lang sa bahay natin?”

“Sigurado,” sagot ko. “And hindi siya garden lang. That’s the garden in our house.”

Iñigo bit his lower lip and smiled.

“Okay,” he said. “Next week?”

“Yes. Next Sunday. Bili ka na ng damit mo.”

He laughed. “Yes, Atty,” he replied. “And if pwedeng request, sana naka-tali iyong buhok mo sa kasal natin,” he continued. I rolled my eyes. May fetish talaga siya sa leeg ko.

---

Iñigo was so busy with the firm dahil tama nga kami, maraming kasong dala iyong Villamontes family. Silang dalawa ni Jax iyong busy dahil forte nila iyong criminal law. Si Yago naman madalas iyong naiiwan sa office at kumakausap sa mga dumadating na clients. Madalas property conflict naman siya… And it was good for us dahil matagal bago ma-settle ’yun… Kawawa nga lang iyong clients… Ubusan talaga ng pera kapag lupa ang pinag-aawayan.

“Bakit kasi biglaan?” Katherine asked, frowning dahil ready-to-wear gown iyong isusuot ko sa kasal. Wala namang problema sa ’kin… siya ’tong may problema.

“Okay na ’to,” I said as I wore a white satin dress that fell on my ankle. V-cut iyong sa may dibdib and spaghetti strap siya. I didn’t want to wear a traditional wedding dress.

Rory gave me thumbs up. “Ganda.”

Katherine frowned. “Sige na nga,” she replied. “Ano’ng color ng dress namin?”

I shrugged. “Kung san kayo masaya,” sabi ko. Wala naman sa akin kahit ano iyong isuot nila… At saka buntis silang pareho kaya ang hirap naman kung pipilitin ko sila sa isusuot nila. I just wanted them to be comfortable.

After shopping for clothes, dumiretso kami sa isang hotel to have a dinner aka bachelorette party. We couldn’t do the traditional dahil buntis silang dalawa. We just ate and then went home. Sobrang bilis ng linggo dahil sa dami ng ginawa namin.

“Is this really necessary?” Iñigo asked while we’re waiting for Chase to pick me up. Sa bahay muna ako matutulog kasi bukas na iyong kasal.

“Yeah,” I replied. “Sigurado ka ba na wala kayong bachelor party?” I asked kasi wala talaga silang ginawa nila Jax. Buti pa kami nila Rory, at least nagpanggap kami.

He scoffed. “Matagal na akong ’di bachelor.”

I rolled my eyes. “Bahala ka.”

Naka-yakap lang si Iñigo sa akin hanggang sa makita namin iyong sasakyan ni Chase sa labas. Siya na lang kasi iyong kasama ni Papa sa bahay. He could already move out, but he chose to stay… Iba rin talaga siguro kapag bunso.

I kissed Iñigo first bago ako umalis. Nang magising ako kinabukasan, nagulat ako dahil nasa kwarto ko na sina Katherine, Rory, at Gracey.

“Why are you here?” I asked Gracey kasi nagdibs na si Iñigo na si Gracey iyong Best Woman niya kasi si Gracey talaga iyong best friend niya… Ako naman, si Jax iyong Best Man ko.

“Syempre kailangan kasama ako sa picture mo!” she said, pouting. “After magpicture, aalis na agad ako para dumiretso sa bahay niyo.”

Sobrang ingay sa kwarto ko. Nagsama ba naman sina Rory, Katherine, at Gracey. It almost seemed like they were playing dahil sila iyong nagmakeup sa akin. Rory was the one who fixed my hair—my hair was in a loose pony and the ends were curled. Iyong makeup naman, sumunod si Katherine na sobrang light lang. Si Gracey iyong walang naitulong dahil naka-higa lang siya sa kama at kausap iyong pamangkin ko na sobrang daldal.

“So pretty…” Katherine said when they’re done with me.

“Akala ko talaga ’di ka na makakasal kasi sobrang sungit mo,” Rory said, tearing up as she looked at me.

“Picture na tayo! Hinahanap na ko ni Iñigo!” Gracey said.

Napa-iling na lang ako.

We called our househelp to take photos of us. Tapos sumama na rin si Papa na naiyak nung nakita ako. He told me that I really looked like Mom… which was nice because my Mom’s the best person that I knew.

Nang matapos kami, sumakay na kami sa limousine na nirentahan ni Katherine—para kahit doon man lang daw, magmukhang pinaghandaan iyong kasal namin. She’s really pressed about the 1-week preparation.

Pagdating namin, nauna na sila sa loob. Naiwan ako sa sasakyan kasama si Papa. I looked at him and his eyes were still tear-stained.

“Please don’t cry,” I said. Why was I surrounded by crying guys?

“I want to apologize for everything, Charisse…”

“It’s okay, Papa… It’s all in the past. Let’s move forward from that,” I told him. Alam ko naging sobrang higpit siya sa ’kin… but I wanted to believe that everything happened for a reason. Kung hindi siya sobrang naghigpit sa akin sa pag-aaral, hindi ako magiging ganito… Baka nga hindi ako pumasok sa law school para lang patunayan na matalino ako… I wouldn’t know my friends… I wouldn’t know Iñigo…

Everything happened for a reason.

He smiled and nodded. “You look so beautiful, Charisse.”

I smiled back. “Thank you…”

Huminga ako nang malalim bago kami lumabas sa sasakyan. Habang papa-lapit kami, narinig ko na iyong tunog ng violin. Nagsimulang bumilis ang kabog ng dibdib ko. Humigpit ang hawak ko kay Papa.

“Don’t be nervous,” Papa said. “Iñigo, that boy…” sabi niya habang napapailing. “He really did prove me wrong.”

Mahina akong natawa.

Nagsimulang magluha.

God, this was finally happening.

Nang bumukas iyong pinto papunta sa garden, kahit nasa malayo ako, agad kong nakita iyong pag-iyak ni Iñigo nang makita niya ako. Gracey was tapping his shoulder.

My eyes were just on him… ni hindi ko napansin iyong mga kaibigan namin na kasama namin ngayong kasal… All I knew was that this was really happening… Finally… After everything…

“Thank you, Tito…” Iñigo said when Papa gave my hand to him.

“Call me Dad,” Papa said… at tuluyan ng naiyak si Iñigo.

I watched him as he wiped the tears from his eyes.

“Sorry, naiiyak talaga ako,” he said.

“I understand,” I replied.

“Ha?”

“I understand why you’re moody and sensitive,” I continued.

His forehead creased in confusion… and then his lips parted in understanding. His eyes blinked so fastly. “Are—are you saying…”

I nodded. Ganito rin iyong nangyari dati. Kaya pala iyakin siya dati. Siya talaga iyong nagkaka-morning sickness sa aming dalawa.

I looked at the officiator. “Let’s start—”

“Thank you!” Iñigo shouted and then hugged me. Tumingin siya sa mga bisita namin. “She’s pregnant!”

“Way to go, buddy!” Yago shouted.

“Congrats, Cha,” Jax said, and then faced Yago. “Tatlo na lang tayo sa office. Kailangan na natin ng secretary… and maybe new lawyers.”

Katherine and Rory looked so excited. Gracey was jumping. Dad was crying. Iñigo was crying.

“I love you so much, Cha,” Iñigo said, and then he kneeled down and then planted a kiss on my stomach. “I love you, little one… Daddy’s gonna protect you…”

And then he stood up.

“Let’s get married,” he said, smiling at me while wiping his tears.

Epilogue (Part 1 of 4)

#CTGEpilogue (Part 1 of 4)

“Lowkey masochist ka, noh?” random na sabi ni Deanne.

“Ano?” nagtatakang sagot ko.

She pointed at something using her lips. Sinundan ng mga mata ko iyong direksyon na pinuntahan niya. Agad kong nakita si Kitty na seryosong nagbabasa ng libro. Tumingin ako kay Deanne. She wiggled her eyebrows.

Pambihira.

Imbes na sumagot, nagkibit-balikat na lang ako. Wala namang point makipagtalo kasi kahit ideny ko naman kay Deanne, alam niya naman na may crush talaga ako kay Kitty… Ewan ko ba. Kahit wala namang ginawa ’yung babae na ’yun kung hindi sungitan ako o kaya sisihin sa recit niya, crush na crush ko pa rin.

Mahilig ata talaga ako sa masusungit.

Kapag nagka-pera ako, magpapa-therapy na ako para malaman ko kung bakit attracted ako sa mga taong sinusungitan lang ako… Gusto ko lang malaman kung may underlying reason ba roon.

Dahil baka kung ano pa ang itanong sa akin ni Deanne, lumabas ako ng room para makapagconcentrate sa inaaral ko. ’Di ako masyadong nakapagbasa kagabi dahil naka-tulog agad ako pagka-uwi ko. Ang dami kasing pinagawa sa ’kin. Tapos aalis pa kami sa weekend kasi isasama ako ni Atty. Cabo. Mukhang mapapa-absent ako sa Saturday class namin. Tsk.

Nang maka-labas ako, naka-salubong ko si Jax at iyong mga classmate niya. He wasn’t looking at me directly… pero kita ko na tinignan niya ako.

Labo talaga.

’Di ko talaga alam bakit tendency ng karamihan ang magka-gusto sa mga masusungit… ’Di kaya maganda sa pakiramdam ang masungitan…

Tapos na akong magbasa (inulit ko na lang naman kasi nabasa ko na ’to nung weekend). Kailangan lang sigurado dahil hindi ako pwedeng magkaroon ng pangit na grade. Lagot ako. Alam ko naman na sasaluhin ako nila Tita kapag nagka-problema ako sa pangtuition pero nakaka-hiya na kasi talaga… ’Di naman nila ako responsibilidad. Si Gracey lang kasi pasaway talaga. Sigurado ako kung may trabaho na ’yun, siya na mag-iinsist na magbayad ng tuition ko. Nanay ko talaga ’yun, e.

Bumalik na ako sa loob ng classroom nang makita ko si Atty. Moran. Akala ko finally magkakaroon na kami ng klase kasi lagi siyang absent, pero sabi ng mga brods ko, normal lang naman daw ’yun sa LegRes kasi parang kahit 5-units siya, minor subject lang kasi ’di naman daw BAR subject.

“Groupmates tayo!” Deanne said.

“Okay,” sabay na sagot namin ni Kitty.

Deanne looked at me, shaking her head in disapproval. Parang tanga. Sabay lang nagsabi ng okay, e. Iwan ko silang dalawa d’yan, e. Para namang ’di namin alam tatlo na in the end, ako pa rin gagawa ng paper dito.

Lumabas si Atty habang seryosong nagmi-meeting iyong mga tao tungkol sa paper. Si Deanne, nagce-cellphone. Si Kitty, nagbabasa sa ibang subject.

Sabi ko nga, ako pa rin ang gagawa nito.

Nang magtime na, tumayo na agad si Deanne.

“Uy, alis na ko… May lakad pa ako, e,” she quickly said, running away. Minsan, ’di ko alam kung ano ang trip niya.

I looked at Kitty. She was texting someone—malamang iyong boyfriend niya na patay na patay siya. Aminado naman siya na patay na patay siya kay Jax. Never niyang dineny ’yun.

At least ’di siya paasa.

“Kailan daw deadline?” Kitty asked.

“Bukas daw.”

Agad na nanlaki ang mga mata niya. “What the hell?!” she shouted. Napa-tingin sa amin tuloy iyong iba naming classmate. I was well-aware na hindi gusto ng iba naming classmate si Kitty… Masyado daw maarte. Parang hindi naman. Ganoon lang talaga siya. ’Di naman siya mayabang. Nagkataon lang na branded lahat ng gamit niya pero never namin siya ni Deanne na narinig na nagyabang tungkol doon.

“Oo kaya,” sagot ko.

“Hala,” she said, biting her lower lip.

“May gagawin ka ba?” tanong ko.

Tanggap ko naman na na ako talaga ang gagawa ng paper na ’to… Mukhang may hindi na naman matutulog mamaya, ah. Sana walang masyadong ipagawa sa office bukas. Doon na lang ako matutulog sa CR para walang maka-kita.

“Yeah…” she said. “Gusto mo sama ka na lang?”

“What? ’Wag na,” sabi ko habang inaayos iyong gamit ko.

“Sige na? Dinner, treat ko… Then, tatakas ako dun and gawa na tayo ng paper?”

“Ayoko. ’Di ko naman kilala mga kasama mo.”

Nagtataka si Kitty kung bakit wala siyang masyadong kilala sa room… ’Di niya ata pansin na puro upper class kaibigan niya dahil si Jax ang kasama niya palagi.

“Nice naman sila. I’ll introduce you. I think you’ll like Yago,” she said, smiling. “Please?”

Umiling pa rin ako. “No, thanks. I’m okay. Ako na lang tatapos ng paper,” sagot ko dahil bago pa man kami magsimula, tanggap ko naman na na ako ang gagawa ng paper… Saka okay lang naman. Ganito rin naman ginagawa ko sa trabaho. Sanay na ako. Walang bago.

But Kitty being Kitty, hinila ako hanggang sa maka-rating kami sa sasakyan niya. Ang hirap din talagang hindi magka-crush sa babaeng ’to. Ang cute lang kasi. Ang liit-liit pero akala mo ang laki niya sa attitude niya. Kapag ’to naka-hanap ng katapat niya… Akala mo naman kaya siyang ipagtanggol ng boyfriend niyang patpat at mukhang ’di pa nasisinagan ng araw.

Kitty dragged me to the resto.

It was… awkward.

Tahimik lang si Jax habang pinapa-kilala ako ng girlfriend niya sa mga kaibigan niya. Akala mo naman gusto kong nandito ako. Akala mo naman hindi makulit ’yung girlfriend niya.

Kitty was right, though, mababait naman iyong mga kaibigan ni Jax—okay naman sina Yago at Rory. Mukhang bagay nga sila. Maingay silang pareho.

Gusto ko ng umalis dahil ’di ko rin talaga alam kung bakit ako nandito… Pero ang weird naman kung mauuna akong tumayo. Naghihintay lang ako na may magpaalam at susunod na agad ako. Okay lang naman talaga sa akin na ako na lang ang gumawa ng paper. Ewan ko ba kung bakit nandito ako. E ’di sana nakapagsimula na ako.

“Aalis ka na?” biglang tanong ni Rory nang tumayo si… Charisse?

“Yup,” sagot nung babae.

Charisse? Charity? Charina?

Cha na nga lang, to be sure.

Bago pa mahuli ang lahat, tumayo na rin ako. Babalik pa ako sa school. Doon ako gagawa ng paper. Madilim kasi sa apartment ko. ’Di condusive sa pag-aaral. May libreng internet pa sa library.

“Sabay na tayo?” I asked kasi baka sa school din naman siya babalik… Sinabay lang ako ni Kitty dito sa sasakyan niya, e. Wala pa namang jeep sa lugar na ’to. Tapos mahal naman magtaxi mag-isa pabalik. Nag-iipon kaya ako. Kailangan ko na talaga ng sasakyan dahil sa dami ng pinupuntahan ko.

“No, thanks,” mabilis niyang sagot.

Ang… sungit naman.

Patay tayo d’yan.

“Sabay na kayo! Same naman kayong sa school babalik yata?” biglang pamimilit ni Rory. Tumingin pa siya kay Yago na parang nanghihingi ng suporta, at ito namang si Yago, tumango agad. Weird. Kailangan ba isa lang desisyon nilang dalawa?

Tumango ako kasi sa school naman talaga ang punta ko.

“Send ko sa messenger mamaya ’yung link nung sa gdocs,” sabi ko kay Kitty. Nakita ko na hawak niya iyong kamay ni Jax na naka-patong sa lamesa.

Sabi ko nga.

Tigil-tigilan ko na ’tong crush na ’to.

Kitty nodded. “Okay. Text mo rin ako para makapag-online ako. Magsesend ako ng link ng source,” she said. I was nodding to whatever she was saying, when my eyes noticed Cha quietly slipping away.

Pambihira.

Kakaiba din talaga ’tong isang ’to…

“Iñigo, are you listening?” Kitty asked.

“Ha? Oo,” sagot ko habang pinapanood ng mga mata ko si Cha na lumabas na sa pinto. Tumingin ako kay Kitty. “Send mo na lang source tapos gawa ako ng draft. Send ko sa inyo bukas ng umaga siguro tapos edit ko ng tanghali,” mabilis na sabi ko bago kinuha iyong bag ko at nagpaalam sa kanila. Paglabas ko, agad kong nakita si Cha na naka-tayo sa isang gilid. Hindi agad ako naka-lapit.

I stood there, looking at her like a creep.

She’s… wow.

Ang ganda niya pala. Mukha siyang Chinese, pero sigurado akong dito siya sa Pilipinas lumaki kasi ang lakas niyang mambara in Tagalog.

Bakit ngayon ko lang siya napansin?

Tsk. Tama nga yata si Deanne. Si Kitty lang napapansin ko lagi sa school… which wasn’t completely true dahil marami akong friends from college of medicine…

Ayoko naman na magmukha akong manyak na pinapanood siya mula sa malayo kaya naman lumapit na ako sa kanya. Pero paglapit ko pa lang, agad siyang nagulat at halos mapa-talon na siya.

Tapos sinamaan ako ng tingin.

Ang cute.

Pota.

Ang bilis naman.

“Did I offend you or something?” tanong ko agad kasi…

Taena bakit ba attracted ako sa mga masusungit sa ’kin?

“No,” sagot niya habang kunot pa rin ang noo.

Tsk. Delikado ’yang pagkunut-kunot niya ng noo. D’yan ako nadadale, e.

“Then why do I feel like you’re mad at me?” tanong ko. Base sa nangyari kanina, kung hindi ko siya tatanungin, hindi siya sasagot. At dahil gusto ko pa siyang maka-usap, kailangan kong dumaldal.

“That’s just your imagination,” sagot niya habang naka-simangot.

“Totoo? Kung tignan mo ako kanina, parang gusto mo akong patayin,” sabi ko habang pinipigilan na ngumiti kasi baka isipin niya pinagtatawanan ko siya… ’Di naman. Amusing lang siya. Para kasing galit na galit na agad siya e wala pa nga akong ginagawa.

Classmates sila ni Jax…

May gusto rin kaya ’to dun? Halos lahat ng kilala kong babae may crush sa lalaking ’yun, e. ’Di ko lang talaga alam kung bakit.

She crossed her arms, arching her brow at me. “Importante ka ba para patayin ko?”

’Di ko na napigilan ang pagtawa ko.

Wala na.

“Oo nga naman… But I’m Iñigo Borromeo, you are?” sagot ko na lang. I pressed my lips together, really fighting the urge to look amused… Pero grabe iyong itsura niya. Parang pikun na pikon na agad siya sa ’kin!

“See… that murderous look on your face again,” sabi ko habang naka-tingin sa kanya. I was sure there was an amused grin on my face.

“Can you please just leave me? Hindi ako sasabay sa sasakyan mo,” sabi niya sabay pakita sa akin nung app niya na may paparating ng sasakyan para sa kanya.

Tumawa ako. Palagi na lang akong pinagkakamalan na mayaman… Bakit? Porke walang pera kailangan mukha na ring walang pera? Saka may clothing allowance ako sa trabaho ko kasi hindi pwede roon na mukha akong pulubi kasi importante raw sa image ng company.

“Wala akong sasakyan,” sagot ko. “Mukha ba akong mayaman?”

She looked at me… not subtly. Bigla akong napa-tayo nang maayos dahil sa tingin niya. Iyong tingin niya kasi iyon bang parang hinuhusgahan niya buong pagkatao ko.

“Sasabay sana ako sa ’yo para hati tayo sa pamasahe.”

“Close tayo?” she asked.

“Pwede naman,” sagot ko habang naka-ngiti.

“Come on… Ang liit ng college of law… Can’t we be friends?”

“Mas matanda ako sa ’yo.”

“Ilang taon ka na ba?” tanong ko. Parang hindi naman siya mas matanda sa akin… Mukha nga siyang college student pa, e. Saka dapat magka-batch kami. ’Di lang agad ako naka-pasok sa law nung pagka-graduate ko kasi ang dami ko pang pinag-isipan sa buhay ko.

’Di ko alam kung kaya ko bang maging lawyer… Kung kaya ko bang magbayad ng tuition… Dami kong inisip.

Hanggang isang araw, nag-enroll na lang ako.

At least kung hindi ko kaya, alam ko. Kaysa naman mabuhay ako araw-araw nang iniisip kung kakayanin ko ba iyong law school.

“I’m your senior,” sagot niya.

Feeling ko mas matanda ako rito. Pero bahala siya. ’Di naman issue kung sino mas matanda.

“Well, then I’m your junior… Be nice?”

Pero hindi yata naturuan si Cha na kapag may tanong, may sagot dapat. Naka-tingin lang siya sa akin. Tapos ayan na naman iyong inis na itsura niya.

Ang cute taena naman.

“Get your own ride!” biglang sigaw niya. Natawa ako.

“Share na tayo? Hahatian naman kita sa bayad.”

“I don’t want your money.”

“Please? Kailangan ko ng maka-balik agad sa school, e.”

She closed her eyes na parang napipikon na talaga siya sa ’kin. Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya, natutuwa kasi ang bilis niyang mapikon. Wala pa nga akong ginagawang masyado, e…

“Fine,” she said, rolling her eyes.

Pagsakay namin sa sasakyan, she forced me na sa harap ako habang doon siya sa backseat.

“LQ, sir?” mahinang tanong nung driver. Tumawa na lang ako. Buong byahe pabalik sa SCA, naka-tingin ako kay Cha doon sa rearview mirror. Naka-halukipkip siya habang naka-tingin sa mga nadadaanan namin.

She’s just so… serious.

Nakaka-panibago. Pakiramdam ko kasi napapa-libutan ako ng mga maiingay na babae. Si Gracey, napaka-ingay. Si Kitty at Deanne, parehong chismosa. Iyong mga babae sa soro, maaarte.

Itong si Cha… tahimik at galit.

“Ang mga babae, Sir, dapat sinusuyo,” sabi bigla nung driver. Cha visibly scowled. Natawa ako. Parang allergic naman sa lalaki ang isang ’to.

“Sir, baka mas lalong magalit,” bulong ko sa driver na natawa na lang din sa akin. Tahimik na lang kami hanggang maka-rating kami pabalik sa school… pero malas ni Cha dahil mali ang nai-pin niya kaya kailangan na sabay pa kaming maglakad pabalik sa school.

“May tip ka ba d’yan sa Crim Law 2?” tanong ko habang naglalakad kami.

“Wala,” masungit niyang sagot.

“Sungit? Classmate ka nila Jax, ’di ba? Ibig sabihin matalino ka rin.”

Maraming section sa law school lalo na kapag first year… pero pataas nang pataas, pakonti nang pakonti iyong estudyante dahil karamihan, nakikickout dahil hindi naabot iyong required average o kaya naman ayaw na talaga nila… Tapos may parang star section—nandun iyong mga BAR bet ng school. Iyong mga inaalagaan talaga dahil sila iyong expected na magta-top sa BAR exam.

Kasama doon sila Cha.

Section S sila, e. Iyon iyong pinaka-priority section… tapos C and A. Tapos, iyong mga normal na estudyante na lang.

“So? Ano’ng kinalaman nun sa ’yo?” she asked.

Tumawa ako. “Baka may tips ka sa Crim. Ang hirap, e.”

“Magdrop ka na kung mahirap.”

Wow…

I’d never met someone so… averse to conversing.

“Ang seryoso mo naman masyado.”

“Pakielam mo? Naaapektuhan ba ’yung buhay mo?”

Pambihira… Ang pilosopo naman ng isang ’to.

“Ano na lang pangalan mo?” I asked, more scared than curious. Mamaya kung ano maitawag ko sa kanya, e. Charity? Charina? Charisse? Sa ganito na wala pa nga akong nagagawa, galit na agad siya, paano pa kapag may nagawa na agad ako?

“Hindi maaapektuhan ang buhay ko, pero hindi ako makaka-tulog sa curiosity,” I added nang hindi pa rin siya sumagot.

I saw how hard she was fighting the urge to roll her eyes at me. Ako rin naman. I was fighting the urge to show how amusing she was to me.

Bakit ba ngayon ko lang napansin ang isang ’to? I mean, nakikita ko naman talaga siya palagi sa hallway at saka lagi kaming dumadaan sa classroom nila… ’Di lang talaga pumasok sa isip ko na lapitan siya kasi ganito iyong default na itsura niya—parang galit sa mundo.

Dami ko pa namang problema tapos idadagdag ko pa siya…

Pero heto ako ngayon, dinadagdag na siya.

“Ayaw mong sabihin? Itatanong ko rin naman kay Kitty mamaya, so might as well tell me your name,” I replied, shrugging.

I was looking at her, waiting for her to say her complete name dahil ayoko na mali iyong masabi ko. Pero bago ko pa man marinig iyong kumpletong pangalan niya, biglang wala na akong maalala.

Paggising ko, agad akong naka-ramdam ng sakit sa ulo ko. Pilit akong umupo, pero parang mabibiyak sa dalawa iyong ulo ko sa sobrang sakit. My vision was still a bit blurry, but I was sure that I was Cha glaring at me.

What the hell did I do again? Bakit galit agad ’to?

“What happened?” Yago asked. Hindi ako maka-sagot dahil nakaramdam na naman ako ng sakit sa ulo. Sabi ng nurse sa akin kanina nung kakagising ko lang, may humampas daw ng bote sa ulo ko.

Shit.

Ito na nga ba sinasabi ko, e.

“Wala,” tahimik na sagot ko dahil wala namang magandang mangyayari kung papalakihin pa. Sigurado ako gaganti iyong mga brod ko. Tapos syempre gaganti iyong kabila. ’Di na ’to matatapos. Ako yata matatapos sa mga nangyayaring ’to, e. Kaka-sali ko lang ito agad nangyari sa ’kin.

“We need to report this—” Yago asked.

“Can I talk to Charisse Faith?” I cut him off. I grinned at Cha to throw Yago off. ’Di naman siya tanga… Saka pinsan niya si Maven. Kapag nalaman niya na dahil sa frat kaya ako nasa ospital, baka makarating kay Maven. ’Di ko pa naman alam kung ano ang trip ni Maven sa buhay. Tahimik lang ’yun pero nakaka-kaba kapag nasa paligid ko siya.

“Cha—” I said. Taas agad ang kilay niya. “Can we agree that some random guy was harassing you and I helped you kaya ako nahampas sa ulo?”

“Ako pa gusto mong sisihin?” mabilis na sagot niya. Agad na napa-awang ang labi ko. Grabe naman ’to! Iyon agad ang pumasok sa isip niya?

“What? No!” mabilis na sabi ko kasi mamaya baka kung ano na naman ang i-conclude niya. “I mean… if anyone asks? Wala namang sisisi sa ’yo. If anyone really did harass you, tutulungan naman talaga kita.”

She was just staring at me.

It was… actually disarming.

She’s gonna make a great lawyer. Tingin pa lang niya kakabahan ka ng magsinungaling, e. Para kasing hinuhusgahan na agad niya ang buong pagkatao mo.

“You want me to lie?” she asked, sounding a little mad… Pero dahil parang lagi namang ganito ang tono niya, baka ganito lang siya magsalita talaga. Dapat siguro masanay na ako.

“No… Just modify the truth a little,” I replied. Modified truth sounds a lot better than lying. ’Yan ang isa sa mga natutunan ko sa trabaho—that truth is what you make it to be. It’s subject to validation. You have the power to validate whatever you want to be what’s real.

And the moment you let over people validate what’s true for you… that’s the moment you lose.

’Yan siguro talaga iyong mga kasinungalingan na sinasabi ng abogado sa sarili nila para ’di na sila masyadong ma-konsensya.

“I just don’t want trouble,” sabi ko sa kanya.

“You’re the one who’s lying on a hospital bed.”

“You don’t understand.”

“You’re right; I don’t. So, don’t ask me to lie for you for something I don’t completely understand. You’re like asking me to sign a contract without reading the terms and conditions.”

Wow.

Iba rin talaga.

Nahirapan akong ipa-liwanag sa frat kung saan nanggaling iyong tahi sa ulo ko. Mabuti na lang at mukhang walang balak mag-ingay si Cha… Sabagay, kahit siguro mamatay ako sa harap niya, ang una sigurong magiging concern niya ay kung gaano ka-hassle maging witness sa isang murder case.

I laughed at the thought.

Kakaiba talaga siya, e.

Nang mga sumunod na araw, nakikita ko pa rin naman si Cha… Sinusubukan ko pa rin namang kausapin, kaya lang para talagang si Elsa, e… Alam mo ’yun? Parang lalamigin ka talaga kapag nilapitan mo.

“Tulungan na kita,” sabi ko nang makita ko siya sa library. Usually ay nandun naman talaga siya… Ngayon ko nga lang halos siya nalapitan ulit kasi tinataguan niya talaga ako! Once, nakita ko pumasok siya sa CR nang makita niya na magkaka-salubong kami… Naka-abang ako sa labas. Nakikita ko siya na sumisilip kasi may part nung pintuan na kita iyong labas. Na-late kaya ako sa klase nun kasi tinignan ko kung hanggang saan tatagal iyang pagtatago niya!

Tibay, e! Na-late din siya sa klase niya.

Iba rin talaga si Queen Elsa.

“No, thanks,” mabilis na sabi niya tapos ay iniwan ako. Grabe.

“May susundo ba sa ’yo?” tanong ko nang maka-sunod ako sa kanya.

“Yeah,” simple niyang sagot na para bang bored na bored siyang kausapin ako. Tindi talaga, e.

“Ah… Malapit na ba?”

“Oo.”

“Okay.”

“May hinihintay ka ba?”

“Yung sundo mo.”

“Bakit? Makiki-sakay ka?”

Sunud-sunod ang tanong ko sa kanya. Kitang-kita ko kasi na napipikon na siya sa ’kin. Kapag ganyan na mas napipikon siya sa akin, mas humahaba iyong usapan namin. Proven and tested.

“Grabe…” natatawang sabi ko. Isang beses lang ako sumabay sa kanya, ganito na agad laging iniisip niya. “Gusto ko lang masigurado na makaka-uwi ka nang maayos.”

“Mukha ba akong bata sa paningin mo?” she asked, her eyebrow arched.

“Nah… You look grownup…” I replied as I made a quick scan. She’s more on the thin side, but it suited her. Mukha siyang… manikin. Iyong mga naka-display sa mall. Ang puti niya rin. Tapos ang singkit ng mata.

“Ano ba kasing gusto mo? Pwede bang sabihin mo na sa akin para alam ko? I seriously don’t appreciate you bothering me.”

I pursed my lips. Napapa-ngiti na ako. Nakaka-amuse talaga. Ang dami niyang stock ng kasungitan. Sabay ba sila ni Kitty na nagrereplenish ng stock nila? Sungit araw-araw, e.

“Bakit ba ang sungit mo?”

“Do I owe you any explanation as to how I behave?”

“Nagka-boyfriend ka na?” I asked, and she quickly reddened.

Aha.

Wala pa.

I wanted to happy dahil wala pang lalaki sa buhay niya… pero sa isang banda, nalungkot ako. Siguro kaya ganito siya… Iniisip niya ba na walang magkaka-gusto sa kanya? Parang gusto kong iexplain sa kanya na hindi naman ’yun ’yung dahilan.

Ang lungkot.

Ang sarap naman alagaan nito.

“What the hell do you want? When you asked me to keep that little incident a secret, I obliged. Bakit ba hindi mo pa ako tigilan?” she said, scowling.

“Naiinis ka ba talaga sa akin?”

“Hindi ba halata?”

Natawa ako. “Bakit?”

“Pwede bang iwan mo na lang ako?”

“Nagbayad din naman ako ng tuition… Pwede naman akong tumayo dito sa loob ng school…” sagot ko para mas mapikon pa siya. Cute mapikon, e.

“Sabihin mo na kasi kung ano iyong gusto mo para tantanan mo na ako.”

“Inis na inis ka talaga sa ’kin, no?” Tinaasan lang ako ng kilay. “Dahil pa rin ba sa hindi ko agad natandaan iyong pangalan mo?”

Tinaasan pa lalo iyong kilay. “Ganyan kataas ang tingin mo sa sarili mo?”

I shrugged. “Not really… but I can’t really think of what I did to make you that… hostile towards me.”

“You’re just annoying. Period.”

“How come? Tatlong beses pa lang yata tayo nakakapag-usap.”

“I just know.”

“Come on now… You’re a future lawyer. You know that that won’t hold up in court. You need concrete evidence and not just circumstancial ones.”

Ipinikit niya iyong mata niya na para bang humihingi pa siya ng mas mahabang pasensya dahil pikon na pikon na talaga siya sa ’kin. Pinigilan ko na matawa, pero tawang-tawa na talaga ako!

’Di ba niya alam na kapag ganito na napipikon siya, mas masarap siyang asarin? Kaya nga si Kitty lagi kong pinipikon dati, e. Si Deanne ’di masarap pikunin kasi tatalikuran lang ako nun.

Pero dahil gago ako, mas lalo akong iniwasan ni Cha nung nahalikan ko siya. Nagpanic lang naman kasi ako! Nakita ko kasi na nakita kami nung mga brod ko sa frat! Tapos ’di pa sila naniniwala sa akin na wala lang talaga iyong sa nangyaring pambabasag ng bote—tapos mas ayaw nilang maniwala na ‘nililigawan’ ko si Cha… Apparently, marami palang may gusto kay Cha sa frat, pero walang maka-lapit kasi nga…

Well, Cha is Cha.

Katakot lapitan talaga.

Kaya ’yan—nadugtungan iyong taguan sa CR chronicle.

Pero minsan nga, palay na ang lumalapit sa manok…

“Hey!” tawag ko nang makita ko na papunta siya sa direksyon ko, pero natigilan siya nang makita ko. I really wanted to apologize for kissing her—well, not really… Gusto ko rin naman talaga siyang halikan. Para kasing ang lambot ng labi niya…

Though the thing I was apologetic about was taking is so… normally.

Mas maganda kung mas maayos iyong first kiss niya.

Ewan ko. Kapag tinitignan ko si Cha, parang gusto kong ibigay sa kanya iyong fairytale na love story—para kasing ganoon iyong deserve niya.

Pero asa naman.

Layo-layo ko sa prince charming. Dami kong kalokohan na nagawa.

“Mag-aaral ka rin?” tanong ko, pero hindi siya sumagot. “May tao dun sa usual mo, no? Sina Jax… Dun ka sa pwesto nila usually nag-aaral, ’di ba?”

Tumango siya. “Okay lang naman.”

“Di mo ako tatanungin kung bakit alam ko na ’dun ka nag-aaral?” tanong ko.

’Di ba siya curious sa akin?

Kahit konti?

Kasi so far, parang asar lang siya sa ’kin… Well, mas ayos na ’yun kaysa literal na hindi niya ako pinapansin. Lagi kasing libro kasama ng isang ’to, e.

Umiling siya.

“Sungit talaga, grabe,” I said, and then tapped the space beside me again. “Dito ka na. Tahimik na ako, promise.”

Sa panahon na naka-sama ko si Ms. Charisse Faith Viste, alam ko na na kapag nag-ingay ako, talagang iiwan niya ako. ’Di naman sa rude siyang tao… pero parang ganon na nga. Kung ano ang sinabi niya, gagawin niya talaga.

Tahimik lang akong nagbabasa at nagmememorize ng Oblicon kasi mas mataas iyong grades kapag verbatim daw… pero bigla akong napa-tigil at nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang makita ko iyong pagtulo ng dugo mula sa ilong niya.

“Cha!” sigaw ko sa gulat dahil sa nangyari. She touched her nose and she was so… normal about it—na para bang normal na lang na nangyayari iyon sa kanya. Mukhang mas nag-alala pa siya sa codal niya. Kunot ang noo niya habang naka-tingin doon dahil puro dugo iyong naka-bukas na page pati iyong mga gilid.

Iba talaga!

Mas nag-alala pa sa codal kaysa sa ilong!

Agad ko siyang sinabihan na pumunta kami sa clinic, pero umayaw siya dahil may klase pa raw siya. Gusto kong mainis sa kanya kasi alam ko naman na importante iyong grades… pero hindi lang naman iyon ang importanteng bagay sa mundo.

“Nandyan na prof mo,” sabi niya na parang makaka-pigil sa ’kin ’yun!

“Samahan muna kita sa clinic,” sagot ko.

“Okay lang ako.”

“You don’t look okay,” I said.

“This normally happens, okay? I’m fine.”

Agad akong natigilan.

Bigla akong nakaramdam ng lungkot.

Gusto ko siyang yakapin.

“Just because it normally happens doesn’t make it fine, okay?” I said… And I knew it wasn’t my place to say that, but I wanted her to hear that—na hindi sa school umiikot ang mundo, na hindi kasalanan na unahin ’yung sarili.

Agad na hinatak ko siya papunta sa clinic. She was adamant that I attend my class kaya naman napilitan akong bumalik sa classroom… pero swerte dahil nagtanong ng volunteer si Atty at mabilis akong nagtaas ng kamay.

At dahil nagvolunteer ako sa recitation, I was grilled longer than usual—mas presumption kasi na prepared ako dahil makapal ang mukha kong magvolunteer…

“Okay lang ’yan,” Kitty whispered nang maupo ako, “Bad trip na si Atty kahit nung pagpasok pa lang.”

I wasn’t bothered by it at all dahil sabi ko nga, grade lang naman ’yan. Alam ko importante, pero ’di ’yan ang pinaka-importante sa buhay ko.

“Favor naman? Lalabas na ako tapos pakuha na lang nung bag ko kung ’di agad ako maka-balik,” mabilis na sabi ko tapos lumabas na agad ako. Bumalik ako sa clinic, pero wala na si Cha… Sabi nung nurse, lumabas na raw. Mabilis ko siyang hinanap at nakita ko siya na nasa labas na at mukhang nag-aabang ng sasakyan. Nilapitan ko agad siya.

“Kulit mo talaga, no?” agad na sabi ko nang makita kong may naka-pasak na tissue sa ilong niya. Kitang-kita talaga iyong dugo dahil sa putla ng babaeng ’to.

’Di talaga sila pwede ni Jax… Magiging parang bond paper sa puti kapag nagka-anak sila.

“Gusto mo talagang ma-delay, no?” she asked.

“Natawag na ko,” sagot ko. “Salamat pala. Natanong sa ’kin ’yung sinabi mo sa ’kin nung isang araw.”

“Umalis ka sa room?” she asked.

“Technically, nagCR lang ako,” sagot ko. “Sabi ko hintayin mo ako. Bakit aalis ka na?”

“Hindi mo naman ako kailangan ihatid. ’Di ako bata.”

Palagi niyang sinasabi na ’di siya bata…

Naiisip ko tuloy na baka may nagsabi sa kanya na ’di na siya bata kaya hindi na dapat siya alagaan. Hindi naman ’yun totoo. Lahat naman kailangan ng alaga. Ako nga miss na miss ko na magulang ko, e… Pero wala naman akong magagawa kasi wala na sila. Minsan, nagsisisi ako na sana naging mas mabuting anak ako. Pasaway kasi ako dati. Pero ano’ng magagawa ng pagsisisi? Wala na, e. Tapos na.

“Can I make an observation?” I finally asked… I wanted to ask this for so long.

“No,” she quickly replied.

I looked at her face…

Dati, akala ko masungit lang talaga siya… but I was beginning to think that this was all her facade—kasi siguro mas madaling isipin na kaya walang naglalakas loob lumapit ay dahil takot sila sa ’yo dahil mukhang masungit siya… na at the end of the day, it’s their fault and their loss…

That’s definitely the easier pill to swallow kaysa isipin na walang maka-lapit dahil walang gustong lumapit.

God, I wanted to break down all her walls.

“Why… are you so scared of being taken cared of? It’s okay to be independent… but it’s okay to be dependent, too. Sometimes. You don’t have to be strong all the time, you know?” seryosong ko sa kanya… na sana ay pakinggan niya.

“This is making me uncomfortable.”

“Good,” I said. “That means you can still feel things.”

“Hindi ako robot.”

“Are you sure?”

She glared at me. “Shut up.”

I grinned. “Charisse Faith… You softie.”

“Bumalik ka na nga ’dun! Bakit ba napaka-kulit mo?” pagpapanggap niya na napipikon… pero parang ’di naman. Kasi alam ko kung ayaw niya akong kausapin, kanina pa ’to tumawid sa kabilang side para iwasan ako. Nagawa ngang magkulong sa CR para ’di ako makita, e!

“Ang sarap mong kulitin, e,” sabi ko.

“Si Katherine na lang kulitin mo.”

“May boyfriend na ’yun.”

“But you still like her.”

“Selos ka?”

“You didn’t deny it.”

“Selos ka muna?”

’Di siya sumagot.

Baka… selos nga.

Pero baka hindi rin.

Tignan muna natin.

“Good night, Miss Independent,” sabi ko nang dumating na iyong sasakyan niya. Pagbalik ko sa loob, naka-salubong ko iyong nurse at inabot niya sa akin iyong duguang codal ni Cha. I scanned through it… ’Di na ’to magagamit… Mukhang dumaan sa matinding aksidente dahil sa dami ng dugo. Akala mo nabuhos lahat ng dugo niya rito sa dami, e!

Habang tinitignan ko iyong codal ni Cha, nakita ko sila Kitty. Nagpasalamat ako na inabot niya sa akin iyong bag ko. Inaya nila ako ni Deanne na kumain ng chicken wings, pero ’di muna ako sumama dahil dumiretso ako sa bookstore.

“Isang civil codal po,” sabi ko roon sa lalaki. Dumiretso ako sa cashier. Kinuha ko iyong wallet ko. May pera pa naman ako… Ibabawas ko na lang sa emergency fund… Tsk. ’Di pwede. ’Di na lang ako kakain ng dinner ngayon. Ispin ko na lang diet.

“Pasulat nung ilalagay na pangalan sa libro, Sir,” sabi nung nag-e-engrave. I got a piece of paper and a pen. Huminga ako nang malalim.

‘Charisse Faith Viste,’ I wrote on it.

Hinintay ko si Kuya na matapos sa pag-e-engrave tapos dumiretso na ako sa sakayan ng jeep para maka-uwi na ko. Obli pa rin naman iyong class ko bukas. Binuksan ko iyong bagong codal.

Bago nga siya.

Walang laman.

Sigurado ako ibabalik lang sa ’kin ’to ni Cha.

Kinuha ko iyong bag ko at saka nilabas iyong highlighters ko at ballpen. Sinandal ko sa bookstand iyong codal niya at saka sinimulang gayahin iyong highlight niya… Sinulat ko rin iyong maliliit na notes niya. Pati ginaya ko iyong mga naka-underline, circle, at box.

Akala ko maayos na akong mag-aral…

Iba si Cha.

Kahit sa notes lang, makikita mo kung gaano siya ka-intense mag-aral, e.

Gusto ko sanang tapusin na iyong pagha-highlight, kaya lang tinamaan na ako ng antok. Paggising ko naman, dumiretso na ako sa office. Hindi ko rin naisingit iyong codal ni Cha dahil ang daming kailangang kausapin dahil may aksidente na naman na nangyari. Buong araw lang akong naka-conference room…

Nung short break ko sa umaga, doon ko ginawa iyong sa obli—hinuli ko talaga ’yun dahil iyon na rin iyong review ko bago sana pumasok mamaya. Natawag naman na ako kahapon… pero baka tipusin iyong prof ko at biglang magpa-quiz. Aba, mahirap na! Ayokong bumagsak. Pang apat na taon lang iyong budget na naipon ko.

Nang matapos na iyong sa codal, nagpaalam ako na may pupuntahan lang ako saglit… Alam ko kasi na hinahanap na ni Cha iyong codal niya. Dumiretso ako sa school.

“Good morning,” I greeted.

“Morning,” sagot niya na parang problemado. Ayan kasi… kung hinintay niya ako kagaya ng napag-usapan, ’di siya mamomroblema ng ganyan… Kulit din ng isang ’to, e.

“Good morning,” ulit ko dahil ’di man lang ako tinignan! Napuyat kaya ako kagabi! Tinanong ako ni Atty kanina kung natutulog pa raw ba ako dahil mukha akong zombie kanina.

“Good morning,” sabi niya lang at bahagyang tinignan ako.

“Oh,” sabi ko sabay abot ng paper bag.

“Ano ’yan?” tanong niya habang naka-tingin lang.

“Regalo,” sagot ko.

“Di ko birthday.”

“Di lang naman kapag birthday pwedeng magregalo, Miss Indepen—”

“Stop calling me that!” sabi niya na pikon talaga.

Tsk. ’Di pa nga niya naririnig iyong Queen Elsa na tawag ko sa kanya sa isip ko, e. Napanood niya na kaya ’yun? Babarahin niya kaya ako kapag inaya ko siyang manood ng sine?

“Ang seryoso talaga,” sabi ko habang inaabot sa kanya iyong paper bag na ayaw niyang tanggapin. “Sa ’yo kasi ’to,” I continued, pero kunot lang ang noo niya. “Bago mo ako barahin kung ano ang gagawin mo d’yan kasi may codal ka na—”

Upon hearing the word codal, mabilis niyang inagaw mula sa akin iyong paper bag. She got the new codal out. Kunot ang noo niya.

“Puro dugo na iyong isang codal mo. Grabe naman kasi ’yung kagabi, parang gripo ’yang ilong mo—”

“Nasa ’yo codal ko?” she asked.

I nodded. “Pero binilan kitang bago.”

Nilahad niya iyong kamay niya. “Akin na ’yung luma,” she said, returning the new one back to me. “Ayoko nito.”

“Puro dugo na ’yun.”

“Don’t care,” she answered. “I appreciate the gesture, but I need my old codal—”

“Buksan mo muna ’to,” sabi ko kasi sayang naman effort ko! Napagkamalan pa akong zombie kanina dahil antok na antok ako! Napagalitan pa kaya ako dahil habang kinakausap ko iyong isang client, sabi ko sa sarili ko, ipipikit ko lang iyong mata ko… iyon pala, limang minuto na akong natutulog.

“Iñigo—”

“Cha,” pagputol ko sa sasabihin niya. She gritted her teeth. Ayan na naman siya, e. Akala niya ba ’di siya cute kapag gumaganyan siya? D’yan sa mga pa-irap-irap niya ako nadale, e.

Mukhang konti na lang ay sasakalin niya na ako… I mean, minsan naiisip ko ’yun, pero ibang scenario.

Binuksan niya iyong codal na parang labag pa sa loob niya. Kita ko iyong paano nagpalit iyong ekspresyon sa mukha niya mula sa pagkunot ng noo sa pag-awang ng labi niya hanggang sa mapunta sa akin iyong mga mata niya… na para bang nagtatanong kung bakit ko ’yun ginawa.

Na deserve niya ba?

Oo naman.

She deserved that…

Everybody deserved to be treated like that.

“Alam ko importante sa ’yo ’yung codal mo kasi ’yun na ’yung kasama mo mula undergrad ka,” I said, smiling widely. “I also think that you’re the kind of person who dislikes changes… but some changes are good, you know?”

She flipped through the pages.

Then, she looked at me with those questioning eyes.

“Kagabi ko lang naiwan ’yung codal…” mahina niyang sabi.

“Nandito pa rin naman ’yung codal mo kung gusto mo… pero puro dugo talaga, Cha. Hassle ilabas. Pagtitinginan ka kapag gamit mo,” sabi ko sa kanya. “Nandyan lahat ng notes mo, don’t worry. Pati ’yung page flags—pero hindi kagaya nung sa ’yo kasi iba ’yung sa ’kin.”

Her eyes looked intense.

’Di ako makapagdecide kung naiinlove na ba siya sa akin o napipikon.

“Why are you doing this?” she asked.

“Wala naman,” sagot ko dahil hindi pa ako sigurado.

Gusto ko pa lang ba siya?

Mahal?

Ayoko munang sabihin hanggang ’di sigurado. Ayokong guluhin iyong isip niya. Baka ma-overwhelm siya. At saka na kapag sigurado na ako.

“So, out of boredom, bumili ka ng codal at naisipan mo na maghighlight at magsulat ng notes ko?” naka-taas ang kilay na tanong niya.

I shrugged. “Hindi naman buong codal may highlights. Iyong obli, family code, sales—”

“Wag kang pilosopo.”

I laughed. “Ang sungit talaga…” sabi ko. “Consider that as thanks for helping me in obli?”

“A simple thank you would’ve sufficed,” she said.

’Yun nga iyong problema, e.

No one really bothered to take the extra distance for her…

Pero nandito na ako.

“You’re making me want to shower you with more kindness.”

She just glared at me… but I was serious.

I’d make her see what she’s worth.

Pero syempre kailan ba umayon ang mundo sa akin? Bihira.

“Iñigo, lalamig na ’yung pagkain!” galit na sabi ni Gracey sa akin habang nasa apartment ko siya at nagwawalis.

’Di ko talaga alam bakit goal ng babae na ’to na linisin lahat ng titirhan ko. ’Di naman madumi iyong apartment.

“Busog pa ko,” sabi ko.

“Alam mo, if it’s still about Cha, nakita ko siya nung isang araw sa hospital.”

Agad na nakuha niya iyong buong atensyon ko. ’Di na naman kasi ako maka-lapit kay Cha…

Tangina, kung love story ’to, ito na siguro iyong pinaka-dragging na love story! Dami-daming nangyayari sa paligid naming dalawa! Palaging bigla na lang kaming ’di nag-uusap. Tulad ngayon—’di niya talaga ako pinapansin… Although naiintindihan ko naman kung bakit…

Pero si Kitty.

Alam ko iyong pakiramdam na mawalan ng magulang…

Ibang klaseng pakiramdam ’yun.

Walang sapat na salita para maintindihan.

Para bang may parte sa ’yo na kahit kailan, kahit ano’ng mangyari, hinding-hindi na mabubuo.

Kasi ganoon ang nangyari sa akin nung nawala iyong mga magulang ko. Kaya nga isang taon din akong naging pariwara. ’Di ko kasi alam kung saan magsisimula. ’Di ko rin alam kung para saan pa.

“Talaga?” I asked.

“Yeah…”

“Bakit daw siya nandun?”

“For some tests daw… I think it’s related sa panununtok mo sa kanya—”

“Di ko siya sinuntok,” I clarified because I didn’t want her thinking na sinuntok ko si Cha! Para kay Jax naman talaga ’yun! Natulala talaga ako nang ma-realize ko na si Cha iyong nasuntok ko! Ang liit na babae tapos susuntukin ko?!

Tapos na-suspend pa siya! Kahit ano’ng pakiusap ko kay Dean na iyong suspension ni Cha, ako na lang kukuha kasi wala namang kasalanan iyong tao, hindi nakinig si Dean. Lahat daw kami damay.

Tsk.

Mas lalo tuloy nagalit sa akin iyong tao.

Kahit sa work, kinakausap naman ako… pero ’di na kagaya ng dati.

Parang balik na naman kami sa pinaka-umpisa.

“May blackeye siya, Iñigo,” Gracey said.

Gago naman.

Bakit may blackeye!

“Why don’t you date other people na lang? Dami-daming babae sa school!” she said.

“May papakilala ka?” I asked her.

“Wag kasi from med!” she said. “Ako inaaway nila kapag ’di mo na sila pinapansin after mo landiin!” she whined.

Tumawa na lang ako. Paano ko ba sasabihin sa kanya na wala akong pwedeng landiin sa sarili kong college kasi ewan ko ba… Never akong nandaya sa exam… Nag-aaral akong mabuti…

Bakit cheater ang tawag sa akin?

Kasalanan ko ba na minsan, ’di binabago ng prof iyong exam? Kahit naman baguhin ’yung exam, sigurado ako na may masasagot ako kasi nag-aaral naman ako…

Tangina, pati nga recit ko pinagdududahan.

As if naman kontrolado ko iyong line of questioning ng prof! As if naman mape-predict ko iyong follow-up question! At saka ’di nama porke brod ko iyong prof, ligtas agad ako. Tingin nila sa ’kin, favorite sa frat? Pinag-iinitan nga ako roon kasi madalas akong ’di magpakita, e.

Kinulit ko na lang si Gracey para ipaliwanag sa akin iyong nangyari sa test ni Cha. Tapos tinanong ko kung magkano. Sumakit iyong ulo ko nang marinig ko iyong presyo ng bawat test. Grabe naman! Ginto!

Kailangan ko na naman yatang mag-overtime sa trabaho!

Akala ko talaga never na ulit kaming magiging close ni Cha… I mean, ’di naman kami best friend, pero at least mas nakakapag-usap kami dati… Hirap din kasi dahil graduating na siya. Puro review class na. ’Di ko na nga madalas makita sa school kasi iba ang sched ng mga graduating, e. At saka nasa ibang building sila.

Paano ko kaya makikita ’yun?

“Cha?” nagtatakang tanong ko nang makita ko si Cha sa loob ng classroom ko. I looked around… baka ako pala iyong nasa maling classroom.

Pero nandito naman iyong classmates ko.

“Nasa tamang room ka ba?” tanong ko ulit dahil nasa Torts kami, e. “Di ba usually nasa kabilang building mga fourth year?” She just nodded. “May torts ka?” I asked.

“Obviously.”

Natawa ako.

Shet.

Nakaka-miss!

“Sungit,” sabi ko habang naka-ngiti. “Classmates tayo?”

“Obviously,” she repeated. “Bumagsak ako,” sabi niya at naka-tingin sa akin na para bang may hinihintay siyang reaction.

Ano naman magiging reaction ko? Normal naman bumagsak sa law school; ’di siya special.

“Mahirap ba ’tong Torts? Paturo ako,” sabi ko na lang… Kung si Cha, bumagsak, paano pa ako?! Ang tindi na mag-aral nito, e! Kung buong SCA at admin, si Jax ang BAR bet, si Cha ang BAR bet ko. Pupusta ko baon ko, magta-top sa BAR ’tong si Viste.

“Bumagsak nga ako, ’di ba?” masungit na sagot niya na parang bad trip na bad trip.

I shrugged. “Kapag ba bumagsak, ibig sabihin wala ng alam? Minsan kasi ’di ba wrong timing lang? Marami namang factor kaya bumabagsak. ’Di naman ibig sabihin nung hindi mo alam. Minsan… malas lang talaga.”

“I failed. Don’t make excuses for me. ’Di ko naman dinadamdam.”

Her expression was blank.

Parang mas malala siya kaysa nung dati.

Parang mas makapal na iyong pader na kailangan kong gibain.

Wala talaga akong paboritong subject sa school—lahat sila inaaral ko lang kasi kailangan…

Pero favorite ko na Torts kasi classmate ko si Cha. Minsan lang distracting kasi pinapanood ko lang siya. Pero iba siya kapag nagrerecite… ’Di ko talaga maialis iyong mata ko sa kanya.

Grabe lang, Miss Viste.

Habang naglalakad ako sa school, napa-hinto ako nang makita ko si Cha. My feet instinctively brought me to her. Lagi naman.

“Hey…” I said because she was merely staring at the ground. Nang magsalita ako ay napa-tingin siya sa akin. Biglang nagpanic iyong buong sistema ko nang magsimulang bumagsak ang luha mula sa mga mata niya.

Shit!

May sagot ako sa lahat ng bagay—kahit ano ang itanong sa akin sa classroom o sa trabaho, nasasagot ko—pero kapag ganitong umiiyak na si Cha sa harap ko, parang naba-blangko iyong utak ko sa sobrang pagpapanic!

Umiyak ba naman si Queen Elsa sa harap mo!

“Oh,” sabi ko sabay abot sa kanya ng panyo. I played it cool. Kilala ko na si Cha. The moment I showed her that I care, she’d leave me here. “Gusto mo ng kausap?”

Hindi siya sumagot.

Hindi ko pinilit.

Ayos lang… basta ’wag niya akong papa-alisin sa tabi niya.

“Gusto mo ng pares?” tanong ko.

“Ayokong umuwi.”

“San mo gustong pumunta?”

“Tagaytay.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Tagaytay?” Ang random naman… At saka kalagitnaan ng linggo… Pero tumingin ako sa kanya. Her face was tear-stained. Gusto ko sanang punasan iyong luha niya pero baka tapikin niya lang iyong kamay ko palayo.

“Pero wala akong sasakyan…” sinabi ko na lang. “Okay lang sa ’yo magcommute?”

She nodded again. Wala na akong nagawa. Nagcommute kami papunta sa Tagaytay… Para siyang batang paslit na ngayon lang naka-labas. Sabagay… Mukhang bantay-sarado ng pamilya niya si Cha, e. Parang sa school at bahay lang umiikot ang mundo niya.

Gusto ko sana na maging okay iyong Tagaytay namin dahil parang first time ni Cha… pero syempre may putanginang manyak sa jeep!

Kapag talaga naging girlfriend ko na si Cha, kailangan kong magkaroon ng sasakyan. Ayoko na magcommute siya. Dami pa namang punyeta sa mundo.

Pagbalik namin sa school, natigilan ako dahil nakita ko iyong tatay ni Cha… Naka-tingin siya sa amin. Hindi na ako nakapagsalita pa dahil mabilis na sumama sa kanya si Cha.

’Di ko rin alam kung bakit hindi ako naka-alis sa kinatatayuan ko… pakiramdam ko kasi napahamak ko si Cha… Dapat ba hindi na lang kami umalis pa-Tagaytay? But she really looked like she could use the escape…

Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal na naka-tayo roon… pero biglang nakita ko si Cha na naglalakad pabalik. She was alone…

“I’m fine—” she said… but she didn’t look fine at all. Kaya naman mabilis ko siyang niyakap. I wrapped my arms around her and let her hide her face against my chest. Baka kasi ayaw niya lang na may maka-kita na mahina siya. Pwede naman siyang maging mahina sa harap ko. I’d hide her weakness from everyone… just so she wouldn’t feel the need to pretend all the time.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal na ganoon ang pwesto namin. I just wanted her to stop crying… And I wanted to apologize for putting her in this mess. Pakiramdam ko ay dapat pinigilan ko siya sa balak niyang magpunta sa Tagaytay…

“Sorry about my Dad,” she said.

“Okay lang ’yun.”

“No, it wasn’t okay,” she replied.

“Okay lang talaga…” sabi ko. “He probably got the wrong idea. Syempre babae ka tapos ’di ka umuwi kagabi tapos nakita pa niyang magkasama tayo. His reaction—though admittedly wasn’t very nice—was understandable.”

Naiintindihan ko talaga. ’Di naman ako galit. Ewan ko… ’Di ako madaling magalit sa mga magulang… Pakiramdam ko kasi mas okay na galit sila sa akin, pero nandyan sila… Iba pa rin kapag wala sila, e…

Shit.

Namiss ko na naman sila Papa…

“You want me to talk to him?” Mahina siyang natawa. “What? Magalang naman ako kausap. At saka marami na kong naka-usap na mas nakaka-takot sa Papa mo, noh.”

“Don’t bother,” she said.

“You sure?” I asked again… Okay lang naman kasi sa akin na kausapin sila.

She nodded. “Affirmative. And again, I’m sorry for how he acted.”

“San ka pupunta?” tanong ko dahil sa itsura niya, mukhang hindi na siya uuwi sa kanila…

“Somewhere.”

“Saan?”

Gusto ko lang malaman kung saan siya titira… Hindi ako matatahimik kung hindi ko alam. Mamaya kung saan siya mauwi, e!

“Kila Rory?” I asked. Umiling siya na para bang sobrang sama ng idea na kina Rory siya matutulog.

“I’ll just check-in for today… I’ll look for some place this weekend.”

“Mahal hotel,” sagot ko… Saka ’di safe! Kahit pa sabihin na hotel! Marami na kaya akong nabasa na kaso na murder at rape sa hotel. Ito pa namang si Cha, ang daling ihagis sa kama dahil ang liit at payat.

Cha told me na okay lang at kaya niya… but I was adamant na sasamahan ko siyang maghanap ng lilipatan niya. She kept on thanking me, but it was no big deal, really. Kung ’di nga lang awkward, e, sasabihin ko na sa apartment ko na siya tumira… Kaya lang baka ayaw ni Cha kasi maliit lang apartment ko.

Saka syempre awkward talaga…

“Kapag may kailangan ka, kahit ano, text mo ko,” I insisted kasi alam ko na ’di siya magtetext sa akin kapag may kailangan siya. Miss Independent talaga. Pinangatawanan. “Chat mo na lang ako sa messenger kung ayaw mong isave number ko,” I continued.

Tumango lang siya.

“Kulit naman nito,” sabi ko dahil obvious na tumango lang siya para tumigil na ako.

“Umuwi ka na nga,” sabi niya.

“Cha…” I called. She looked at me. She looked at me… She looked so fragile… I wanted to get her inside my arms, pero alam ko na hindi pwede.

Kapag kami na, lagi ko ’tong yayakapin. Babawiin ko lahat ng panahon na ’di ko siya mayakap dahil pakiramdam ko itutulak niya ako.

“I know I call you Miss Independent… but please? Call me?”

“Oo nga, ’di ba—”

“Yung seryoso kasi.”

“Bakit ba ang kulit mo?”

“I’m worried,” mahina kong sabi. “I feel like this… sort of… happened because your Dad saw you with me.”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” she said, but I didn’t say anything. “Fine,” she said. “You want to help me?” Mabilis akong tumango. “If you have any reviewer for Torts—and detailed digests that I can read, that will be very helpful,” sabi niya.

“Done,” sagot ko. “Anything else?”

“Okay na.”

“Cha—”

“I’m serious… I’m good. Thank you for the concern, but I’ll be fine.”

I nodded. “Okay…”

Tumingin siya sa akin. Ngumiti ako sa kanya.

“Good night,” mahinang sabi niya.

“Sorry ulit na umalis ako nung Sunday. Bumalik naman ako.”

“It’s fine. She’s your ex,” sabi niya. I tried to remain impassive, pero ’di ko mapigilan na mapa-ngiti. Sabi ko na nga, e! Nagseselos ’to kay Gracey! Ang sama kaya ng tingin niya sa ’kin! Pero bumalik naman talaga ako…

Bumalik agad ako.

Umalis lang talaga siya.

“Ex na nga,” sabi ko. “Iba na ’yung present.”

Tumingin siya sa ’kin. “Paki ko?”

I laughed. “Oo nga naman…”

“Umalis ka na nga.”

“Sure ka?” tukso ko. She just rolled her eyes. Natawa ako. Ganyan ’yan, e… Dinadaan ako lagi sa pag-ikot ng mata.

Pagdating ko sa apartment, agad kong hinanap sa files iyong sa hinihingi ni Cha. ’Di ko na kasi ginagamit ’yung mga ’yun kasi ’di ko na rin naman mababasa dahil wala na akong time. Sa codal na lang ako nagbabasa talaga kasi iyon naman talaga ’yung main source… Naglilibro ako kapag may time pa—e madalas wala. Buti na lang din maraming Torts sa trabaho ko kaya na-a-apply ko ’yun sa recit madalas.

Sinend ko agad kay Cha lahat nung nakita ko. Alam ko naman na ’di na kailangan ni Cha ’yung mga ’yun dahil maayos iyong performance niya sa klase… Pero mas maayos na iyong sigurado… Ayoko na ma-delay ulit siya. Lalo na ngayon at wala na siya sa bahay nila. Alam ko kasi iyong pakiramdam na walang naka-suporta sa ’yo… Ang hirap. Kaya lagi akong nandito para sa kanya para ’di niya maranasan iyong naranasan ko dati.

Pagpasok ko sa classroom, nakita ko si Cha, pero tumingin lang siya sa akin at hindi ako pinansin pa… Problema nun? Mabuti na lang dumating agad si Atty kaya doon na ako nagfocus.

Nang matapos iyong klase, agad akong lumapit sa kanya. She was still avoding my eyes.

“Sino’ng prof mo sa rev class?” I asked. Ang dami pala kasi talagang materials ng frat… Ngayon ko lang nakita lahat kasi ’di ko naman natignan mabuti dati.

“Nabasa mo ba ’yung sinend ko sa ’yo? Nandun ’yung mga tanong kanina…” tanong ko dahil ’di siya sumagot. “Ayos ka lang, Cha?”

“May class pa ko,” sagot niya.

Kumunot ang noo ko.

May problema ba kami?

Okay naman kami kahapon…

“Okay…” I said. “May nagawa ba akong mali?”

“Wala.”

“Sigurado ka? Bakit parang galit ka?”

Umiling siya. “Inaantok lang ako,” sagot niya.

“Si Justice Taniaga ba prof mo sa CivRev?” tanong ko na lang. Baka may problema sa pamilya niya. Alam ko naman na hindi nagsasabi si Cha kapag tungkol sa ganon. “Send ko—”

“Wag na,” mabilis niyang sagot.

Kumunot iyong noo ko. “Ha?”

“Okay lang ako.”

“Cha—”

“Sige. May class pa ako,” sabi niya bago mabilis na umalis.

Umawang ang labi ko nang ma-realize ko kung bakit siya ganito…

Kasi pamilyar…

Ganito rin noon…

Kay Kitty.

Nung sinabihan niya ako na disappointing daw ako.

Ang sakit nun… Kaibigan ko pa lang siya nun… Paano kaya kapag kay Cha ko narinig? Gaano kaya ka-sakit?

“Did… I do something wrong?” I asked. “Gusto lang naman kitang tulungan.”

Gusto ko lang tumulong kay Kitty noon dahil nakita ko kung paano niya iyakan iyong subject… Gusto ko lang tumulong kay Cha ngayon dahil alam ko kung gaano ka-importante iyong Torts niya ngayon…

’Di ko naman ginagamit ’yun…

At kung ginagamit ko man, kasalanan ko ba? ’Di ba kasalanan ng prof na hindi binabago iyong exam? ’Di ba ako rin naman ang mahihirapan sa BAR kung puro shortcut ang gagawin ko sa law school?

Bakit cheater agad?

Hindi naman ako nandaya.

“Thanks… but that’s not the help I need.”

Hindi ko alam kung ano iyong tamang description…

Disappointment.

Iyon na siguro iyong pinaka-malapit.

Nakaka-disappoint naman si Cha.

Ang babaw niya naman.

Ang bilis niya namang manghusga.

“What does that mean?” tanong ko, pero hindi siya sumagot. “Ano’ng ibig nun sabihin, Cha?” tanong ko habang sumasabay sa kanyang maglakad. Gusto kong malaman iyong sagot kasi ang hirap naman nito!

Ang hirap na masabihan na naman na disappointment! Iba iyong pakiramdam!

“Wala.”

“Gusto lang naman kitang tulungan kasi nahihirapan ka sa Torts. Bakit parang ang sama ko naman, Cha… Gusto ko lang tumulong…” sabi ko, pero hindi siya huminto… Ni hindi binagalan ang lakad niya… “Di naman ako mandaraya, Cha. Nag-aaral din naman ako. ’Di naman ako papasa kahit kabisaduhin ko ’yun kung ’di ko naiintindihan binabasa ko.”

Ayokong manumbat.

Ginawa ko lahat para sa kanya ng walang hinihinging kapalit.

Gusto ko lang naman na intindihin niya ako bago husgahan kagaya ng ginawa ng lahat ng tao sa classroom namin.

Ang hirap masabihan ng cheater.

Parang kahit ano’ng gawin ko, lahat sila tingin nandaya ako para makuha ko ’yung grade.

Parang wala na akong nagawang tama.

“Parang gago. Tangina. Ang unfair…” sabi ko bago mabilis siyang iniwan.

“Alam mo, kaysa nag-e-emote ka d’yan, tulungan mo na lang akong magwalis,” Gracey said.

“Hindi ako nag-e-emote,” sagot ko sa kanya. “At saka wala ka namang wina-walis.”

Nang ma-realize niya na malinis naman talaga iyong sahig, kumuha siya ng basahan at pinunasan naman iyong pwede niyang punasan. Sideline niya na talaga ang maging tiga-linis ng apartment ko. Kulit talaga.

“Naka-usap ko si Cha,” sabi niya.

“Oh tapos?”

Bigla akong nawalan ng gana kay Cha.

Ang judgmental.

Kawalang gana.

“Ang bitter, Iñigo, ha,” sabi niya.

“Ano’ng gusto mo? Magpaparty ako?” Binato niya iyong basahan sa akin na mabilis kong nasalo at binato ko pabalik sa kanya kaya tumama sa mukha niya. She frowned. Natawa ako. Ayan kasi.

“I think she really likes you,” she said.

“Walang puso ’yun.”

“Hindi naman… Siguro kasi sobrang gusto ka niya kaya ang taas ng expectation niya sa ’yo? Tapos ganon?”

“Di naman ako nangongopya.”

“Yeah… pero ’di niya alam.”

“Bakit ’di niya ako tinanong?”

Bakit mas naniwala siya sa walang-kwentang chismis sa school? Tangina nilang lahat. Kapag ako nagtop sa BAR, sinasabi ko sa kanila.

“Sabi mo nga, si Queen Elsa siya. Sabihin mo na lang kahit ’di siya nagtatanong,” Gracey said.

“Ayoko. Busy ako.”

“Busy mag-emote.”

“Umuwi ka na nga.”

“Magluluto pa ako.”

Kapag wala kaming asawa ni Gracey kapag 40 na kami, magpapakasal kami at mag-aalaga na lang ng aso at pusa. Okay din din naman. Gusto ko namang kasama si Gracey. Medyo nakaka-irita lang iyong pagwawalis niya lagi kahit wala namang kalat. Minsan iniisip ko may kalat na si Gracey lang ang nakaka-kita, e.

Nang Torts na iyong klase, kapag mina-malas ka nga naman…

Viste, Charisse Faith

Tahimik akong nagcheck ng papel niya. Dahil masunurin siyang bata, sumunod din ako sa bawat sinasabi ni Sir. Nagcheck lang ako depende sa mismong sinasabi ni Sir.

Nang ibalik na iyong mga papel sa may-ari, agad kong nakita si Charisse na parang galit na naman sa ’kin. Ano ba’ng bago? Ke may gawin ako o wala, galit naman lagi.

“Tama naman ’to,” sabi niya sabay turo sa ilang items.

“Kulang ng letter s,” sagot ko.

She looked like she’s about to punch me. “How about this?”

“Di ko mabasa,” I said. “Magulo ’yung sulat mo.”

“Are you being serious?”

“Pa-double check mo kay Sir kung gusto mo,” sagot ko na lang para wala ng problema pa. Kung ayaw niya sa pagche-check ko, e ’di magreklamo siya kay Sir. Basta ako, ginagawa ko lang iyong kung ano ang gagawin niya…

Rules lang pala, e.

E ’di sumunod.

Lumabas na ako sa classroom, pero hindi pa man ako nakaka-layo ay agad ko nang narinig iyong boses ni Charisse habang papa-lapit sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung bibilisan ko o babagalan iyong lakad ko.

Gusto ko pa rin naman siya—’di naman nawala ’yun…

Pero napipikon talaga ako sa kanya. Akala mo kung sino’ng santo na hindi pa nakaka-gawa ng kasalanan sa buong buhay niya.

“Kung may problema ka sa ’kin, ’wag mong idamay ’yung grades ko.”

“Sabi ko ’di ba ipa-check mo kay Sir kung may problema ka?”

“You’re being a fucking asshole right now.”

I looked at her.

She’s disappointed? Ako rin. Nakaka-disappoint din siya. Nakaka-disappoint ’yung pagiging judgmental niya. Of all people, I thought she’d be more understanding… Because she’d been misunderstood all her life.

Pero baka nag-expect lang ako kasi gusto ko siya.

O baka parang tanga na nag-expect lang ako na iintindihin niya ako dahil akala ko gusto niya rin ako.

’Yan talaga mahirap kapag puro expectation at walang clarification.

“I just did what you want. You’re a stickler for rules, right? Sinunod ko lang naman kung ano iyong eksaktong sagot na sinabi ni Sir,” sabi ko, pero naka-tingin lang siya sa akin. “Kausapin mo na lang si Sir, Charisse. Baka kung tinama ko ’yung sagot mo sabihin mo dinaya ko—”

“You’re acting like a fucking kid,” she said, breathing heavily. She was looking at me, full of judgment in her eyes. Sawang-sawa na akong laging hinuhusgahan. Tangina, gaano ba kahirap magtanong?!

“I’m acting like a kid?” I asked. “I’m acting like a kid when I just did what you would’ve done? Kasi ’di ba ganon ka? Kailangan sunod lahat sa rules? Sunod sa lahat ng gusto ng tatay mo? Sunod sa lahat ng gusto ng school? Sunod sa—”

Agad niya akong sinampal.

Did I hit a fucking nerve?

“Fucking kid,” she gritted. “Para kang bata.”

Mabilis niya akong tinalikuran, pero mabilis kong hinatak iyong braso niya para humarap siya sa akin. God, why couldn’t she just ask me! Tangina, ang hirap niyang kausapin kapag ganyan siya na ang bilis tumalikod!

Akala ko dati problema lang iyong pagiging mukha niyang masungit… pero tangina, mas problema iyong bilis niyang tumalikod bago makipag-usap! Na pakiramdam niya siya lang iyong tama lagi! ’Di naman pwede iyong ganon! ’Di naman siya tama lang!

“I’m not a kid!” I shouted at her

“Then stop acting like one! Stop being mad at me for thinking that what you’re doing is wrong! Because it’s wrong, Iñigo! ’Di lang ikaw nahihirapan! Pero ’di lahat kagaya mo na nagsho-shortcut!”

Umawang ang labi ko.

There it was.

The privilege reeked.

“Miss fucking high and mighty,” I said, my hold on her arm tightening. Pero mabilis niya akong nasampal. I felt the sting on my skin. “Nakaka-dalawa ka na…” sabi ko habang naka-tingin sa kanya.

“Gagawin ko ’yang tatlo kapag ’di ka tumigil na umarte na parang bata,” she said, staring right back into my eyes.

“Bata talaga, Charisse?” tanong ko habang humakbang palapit sa kanya. Agad siyang napa-atras… at napa-atras hanggang sa sa wala na siyang pwede pang atrasan. Kitang-kita ko ang pagtaas at pagbaba ng dibdib niya. Kita ko iyong takot at kaba sa mga mata niya.

Did she really think that I’d hurt her?

Gaano ba kababa ang tingin niya talaga sa akin?

I was so pissed at her… So fucking pissed… But it never crossed my mind to hit her…

And for her to even think that…

God, she’s disappointing.

“Ginagawa ba ’to ng bata?” tanong ko… pero nang mapa-tingin ako sa mga labi niya… Those fucking lips that I longed to kiss again for the longest time…

Fuck.

Somebody come inside this fucking auditorium and stop me.

But no one was coming.

It’s only the two of us.

And those fucking lips…

“Tell me to fucking stop,” I whispered against her shaking lips. “I don’t want to hear you tell me that I’m not only a cheater, but a fucking sexual offender as well.”

I waited…

And waited…

I just wanted her to tell me not to kiss her and to fuck off…

But no words ever came.

I let myself dream and kissed her—but only for a brief second. I didn’t want to taste something that I knew I wouldn’t have… That’s just torture.

“I’m sorry for that fucking kiss,” mabilis kong sabi. “Just go report me to the Dean’s office—” Pero mabilis niya akong sinampal. “What the hell—”

At bago pa man ako makapagsalita at makapagtanong kung para saan iyon ay mabilis niyang kinabig ang mukha ko at muli akong hinalikan.

Shit.

Tangina, wala na!

Epilogue (Part 2 of 4)

#CTGEpilogue (Part 2 of 4)

Marami akong hindi naiintindihan sa buhay ko… pero isa sa mga pinaka-naguguluhan talaga ako ay kung ano kami ni Cha… Ang confusing nung babaeng ’yun! ’Di ko alam talaga kung ano gusto niyang mangyari!

“Invite mo naman dito…” Gracey said.

“Invite ka ’dyan.”

“Please? Gusto ko siyang ma-meet!”

“Nakita mo na sa ospital dati, ’di ba?”

“Di ko naman naka-usap kasi nga nagpa-check dahil nasuntok—”

“Hindi ko nga sinuntok si Cha!” sabi ko kay Gracey na natawa. Alam niya kasi na naiirita ako kapag sinasabi niya na nasuntok ko si Cha. Alam ko naman! Pero ’di ko naman gusto! ’Di ako nanununtok ng babae! Oo, minsan pikun na pikon talaga ako kay Cha, pero hinding-hindi pumasok sa isip ko na suntukin siya. Nagwo-walkout lang ako tapos nagyoyosi.

Tsk.

Masama talaga sa baga ’yang si Charisse Faith.

“Whatever,” she said, sticking out her tongue. Bata talaga ’tong si Gracey. Minsan parang bata pero mas madalas sobrang nagger parang nanay ko—pero kapag nasa hospital, parang normal na tao naman siya.

“Saka ’wag mo na nga akong tanungin tungkol ’dun,” sabi ko at saka tumayo para kunin ’yung libro ko. Wala si Atty. Cabo sa office buong linggo dahil may aasikasuhin. Ibig sabihin, wala rin akong masyadong gagawin kasi naka-assist lang naman ako sa mga ginagawa niya…

Makakapagbasa na rin ako ng libro sa wakas. Kaka-sawa rin magcodal. Daming kulang.

“Bakit?” Gracey asked. Kulet! Kaka-sabi ko lang, e.

“Tapos na kasi ’yun. Move on na,” sabi ko na lang tapos lumabas ako para doon mag-aral. Naupo ako sa may bangko tapos sumandal sa pader. Nagconcentrate ako sa pag-aaral kasi ito lang talaga maipagmamalaki ko sa buhay ko ngayon.

Wala na dapat akong pake kahit sabihan nila akong cheater… basta alam ko sa sarili ko na ’di naman ako nandadaya. Wala naman akong kodigo kapag nag-e-exam.

Tsk! Kapikon! Manghahalik tapos ’di mamamansin! May topak din talaga ’yung babaeng ’yun, e!

Usually, ’di ako nagpapa-kita sa frat… Kaya nga badtrip sila sa ’kin, e… Okay lang. ’Di ko rin naman sila masyadong gusto kasama. Napipilitan lang ako maki-sama kasi iba topak nung iba ’dun, e. Akala mo sila may-ari ng mundo. Kapag ’di nasunod gusto, grabe magwala…

Minsan, naiisip ko na okay na rin na nawala pera nila Papa… Isipin ko pa lang na kasing entitled nila ako? Sakit sa ulo!

“What?” naguguluhan na tanong ko nang sabihin sa akin ni Samu—iyong vice-president ng frat—na ako raw ang in-charge sa logistics ngayon.

“Good luck,” he said, tapping my shoulder.

The fuck? Ako in-charge sa logi? Siraulo ba sila? 3rdyear na ko at saka working, tapos ako in-charge sa logi?! Dami-daming bago, e!

Fuck tangina naman! Saan ko isisingit ’yung pagiging logi head?! Magta-trabaho, mag-aaral, tapos pati BAR month?! Siraulo talaga naka-isip nun!

Pagpasok ko sa room, agad na kumunot ang noo ko nang maka-bangga ko si Cha. She was looking at me, her eyes wide open. Tsk. Ano na naman ginawa ko? Kaka-pasok ko pa lang sa room, e!

“Last pair, Viste and Borromeo!” sabi bigla. Last pair? Huh?

Napa-tingin ako sa paligid at saka ko na-realize na may party sa room… Shit. Oo nga. Taena nawala na sa isip ko sa sobrang badtrip kay Samuel!

“Boys, upo na kayo,” sabi bigla tapos may kumuha ng bag ko. I looked around and saw the banana—taena! Itong laro na naman! Tatlong taon na kong naglalaro nito! Kung anu-ano’ng kagaguhan talaga mga laro sa room. Kung hindi kainan ng mani, kainan ng saging. Tigang talaga mga tao sa school. Tsk.

“Game na, bilis!” the host continued.

Lumapit sa akin iyong isang classmate ko at inabutan ako ng saging. Napa-tingin ako kay Cha na mukhang gusto nang magwalkout…

Tapos napa-tingin ako sa leeg niya.

’Di man lang tinakpan…

Proud ba siya na sinipsip ko ’yung leeg niya?

’Di ko talaga maintindihan ’tong si Cha, e… Kapag tinitignan ko, parang inosente naman siya… Pero parang hindi rin… Para ngang expert siya, e. Alam na alam niya kung paano ako baliwin! Kahit nga ang dami kong ginagawa, nagagawa pa rin niyang sumingit sa isip ko, e! Pambihira talaga!

Isang halik pa lang ’yun…

Kapag lumagpas pa doon, sigurado talaga ako na hinding-hindi na ako makaka-ahon sa kanya buong buhay ko.

“Cha, bilis, for fun lang naman,” sabi ni Faith habang naka-ngiti. Tignan mo ’to. Pareho sila ng pangalan, pero si Faith, pala-ngiti… Itong si Cha, galit lang sa mundo. No big deal. “Baka ma-badtrip si Sir kapag hindi tayo nagcooperate lahat.”

Tumingin si Cha sa akin.

She glared at me.

Pota, ano na naman kasalanan ko?! Naka-upo lang ako rito at may hawak na saging, e!

Tatayo na sana ako at sasabihin kay Faith na iba na lang, kaso sa pagtingin ni Cha, parang mas masarap siyang asarin… Tsk. Ayoko talaga ng mga gantihan na ’yan kasi sa totoo lang, marami akong ginagawa at wala akong oras sa mga ganyan-ganyan… Pero kapag dito kay Cha, sarap asarin, e!

“Akala ko competitive ka?” tanong ko bigla sa kanya.

“I choose my battles,” sagot niya.

“Di ka lang siguro magaling dito?” tanong ko habang hawak iyong saging. Ayoko sanang itanong kasi baka mabastos si Cha… pero pagkatapos nung nangyari sa auditorium?! Hinawakan niya lahat ng pwedeng hawakan sa ’kin! Pwede ba ’yun?!

“You say that as if it’s an insult,” sabi niya sabay tingin sa saging sa gitna ng hita ko. Tsk…

“Subo mo na, Cha. Sayang points baka manalo pa tayo,” asar ko sa kanya. She looked at me like she was ready to wring my neck… Patay tayo d’yan. May dumagdag na naman sa imagination ko!

Tuwing naiimagine ko kami ni Cha, ’di ko alam kung bakit laging may involved na violence… Kung hindi niya ako sinasakal, minsan naman naka-posas ako… ’Di ko na lang alam talaga.

Dati naman, normal na sex lang ginagawa ko… Bakit kapag imagination ko kay Cha, may mga ganong extra?

Habang naka-tingin ako sa kanya, biglang nagka-gulo sa paligid. Biglang may naka-bunggo kay Cha kaya naman napa-subsob siya sa gitna ng hita ko. Pota, may nagtwitch! Agad na nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Gusto kong tumayo at lumabas kasi pota! Kaso naka-subsob pa rin si Cha!

Taena ito sinasabi ko, e! Wala talagang magandang ambag sa buhay ko ’tong laro na ’to!

“Cha, saging iyong isusubo,” bulong ko sa kanya para naman umalis siya sa pagkaka-subsob dahil gusto ko na talagang umalis at dumiretso sa CR. ’Di ako pwedeng magstay sa room na ganito! Kahiya, pota! Na-turn on ako sa gitna ng birthday ni Sir?! ’Di ’to papalagpasin ng mga classmate ko hanggang mamatay ako!

Nang biglang tumayo si Cha, kitang-kita ko iyong pamumula ng mukha niya. Cute talaga kahit ang sakit niya sa ulo, e!

Gusto ko sanang lumabas para solusyunan iyong problema ko, kaya lang ay biglang nagmessage si Sir. Bastos naman kung lalabas ako! Tapos pota biglang nagrequest ng picture taking! Tangina! Paano ako lalakad sa gitna?!

Maingay iyong pinto kapag binubuksan kaya ’di ako makaka-labas ng walang makaka-kita sa akin. Sumunod na lang ako sa mga naglalakad para walang maka-kita sa akin… Tapos kapag swerte nga naman, doon pa ako na-pwesto sa likod ni Cha…

At nung naamoy ko siya…

I looked down and glared at my dick! Ayaw umayos!

“Closer, guys!” biglang sabi nung kumukuha ng picture. Biglang nag-usugan iyong mga classmate ko kaya naman napa-usog din ako sa likod ni Cha… Fuck!

I felt her stiffening.

“What are you doing?” tanong niya habang nanlalaki ang mga mata.

I licked my lower lip and took a deep breath. She looked at me, her face flushed… Shit. Turned on din ba siya?! Taena naman kasi nitong ginagawa namin dalawa! Ang gulo! Gusto ko siya… Gusto niya siguro ako… Pero ang gulo!

“Whatever you’re doing… just better…” sagot ko na lang sa kanya bago tumingin sa camera at ngumiti. Pinigilan ko iyong sarili ko na matawa nang makita kong umawang iyong labi ni Cha… tapos mabilis na napalitan ng inis. I scoffed when she walked out… again.

Kinuha ko na lang iyong quiz ko sa table. Tahimik kong hinahanap mula sa pile ng papel iyong pangalan ko nang matigilan ako nang may maramdaman akong naka-dikit sa likuran ko.

My entire fucking system froze…

Putangina naman, Charisse Faith!

Gustung-gusto kong gumalaw at tignan siya sa ginagawa niya, pero hindi ako maka-galaw dahil ramdam ko na naman na may tinayo na naman siyang tent sa pantalon ko. Pota talaga! Kung hindi sakit sa baga, sakit sa prostate ang binibigay sa ’kin ng babaeng ’to!

Cha kept on pressing her boobs against my back.

I kept on praying.

‘Hold on, buddy,’ I told my dick.

“Got it,” sabi niya ng sa wakas ay makuha niya na ang papel niya. Sa wakas! Muntik na akong maki-hanap para lang umalis na siya sa likuran ko, e!

“You really wanna do this, Viste?” tanong ko sa kanya habang pilit na humihinga nang maayos at nagmamakaawa na kumalma.

“Di ko alam kung ano’ng sinasabi mo,” sagot niya bago maglakad palabas.

I looked around and saw that all my classmates were gone dahil may isang klase pa nga pala kami. Tumingin ako sa ibaba at napa-pikit sa inis nang makita ko iyong ginawa ni Cha sa akin.

Tangina naman! ’Di ako pwedeng pumasok na ganito!

Mabilis akong lumabas at hinanap si Cha. Nang makita ko siya ay agad akong lumapit. Hinawakan ko iyong braso niya at hinila siya papunta sa auditorium.

“Baliw ka ba?!” sigaw niya.

I looked at her for a few seconds.

I gave her time to walk away.

Kilala ko si Cha… Kung ayaw niya, aalis siya… Kaya naka-tayo lang ako roon ng ilang segundo, hinihintay na umalis siya… Dahil kahit gaano ako ka-badtrip sa kanya, wala akong balak na ipilit iyong sarili ko sa kanya. That’s the last thing I’d ever do. Wala akong balak maging rapist.

“I have a class. Wala akong panahon dito,” sabi niya habang naka-kunot ang noo. I looked at her. She’s still here…

Did she want me as much as I wanted her?! Because I swear to God, she’s both my dream and my nightmare!

“This will only take a few minutes,” sabi ko bago mabilis na hawakan iyong mukha niya at halikan siya. Gustung-gusto kong hinahawakan iyong mukha niya kapag hinahalikan ko siya kasi gusto ko siyang halikan na parang tipong tatakasan siya ng hangin sa katawan… Kasi pota ganon ang ginagawa niya sa akin palagi!

I didn’t even know why she had this crazy hold over me!

Humakbang ako hanggang sa naka-sandal na siya sa pader sa likuran niya. I pressed myself against her, hoping that she’d know how badly she could affect me…

Pero tangina nakaka-takot.

Nakaka-takot kapag nalaman niya kung gaano ako ka-tanga pagdating sa kanya. Na kahit ano’ng sabihin niya, kahit ano’ng gawin niya, para akong gagong boomerang na aalis pero babalik at babalik pa rin.

Na nagpapahinga lang ako…

Pero lagi akong bumabalik.

“May klase ako,” sabi niya sa akin nang bumaba iyong labi ko sa leeg niya. “And I thought you said I’d have to beg?”

That was a fucking lie.

I knew myself that I’d do the begging…

Cha doesn’t beg… She’s Miss Fucking High and Mighty… Ako si Iñigo na wala yatang pride pagdating sa kanya.

Kusang pumasok iyong kamay ko sa loob ng damit niya. I felt myself hardening even more when I felt how soft her skin was… Tangina, ang torture! Gustung-gusto ko na lang punitin iyong suot niya tapos magsex na lang kami dito sa auditorium! Nababaliw na talaga ako sa kanya!

Na kapag mas lalo niya akong sinusungitan, mas lalo niya akong ginagago, mas nagugustuhan ko lang siya lalo…

Kailangan ko na talaga ng therapy! Malala na ako!

“That was about fucking,” bulong ko sa kanya… Just this time… I kept on telling myself that just this time, I’d let my fucking hand wander… Hanggang maka-rating iyon sa dibdib niya… And I fucking grazed my thumb against her nipple…

Holy fucking shit…

How could someone flat chested make me this fucking horny?

“This is just making out.”

“How… is this different?” she asked innocently.

Wala na talaga.

Tangina, kung laro ’to, talung-talo na talaga ako!

“ Interpretatio cessat in claris ,“ sagot ko sa kanya. Cha… She’s Miss Textbook… And I was so desperate for her… The only way to get her to stay was to be smart about this… To be fucking technical about this… “Statcon rule, Cha. I was clear. No room for interpretation for what I said. I meant fucking… not this,” sabi ko bago ko kinagat iyong baba niya dahil gigil na gigil na ako sa kanya.

Binukas niya iyong mga mata niya.

She pushed me away.

Pota.

“For some reason, alam ko na alam mo kung ano ang schedule ko,” sabi niya habang inaayos iyong buhok niya. I smirked to myself. Ako gumulo niyan. “Whatever this is you’re doing, make sure it won’t interfere with my class. That’s where I draw the line.”

Umawang ang labi ko.

“Does this mean pwede kitang hatakin basta hindi makaka-apekto sa sched mo?” tanong ko… pero hindi siya sumagot.

God, she’s so good at this!

Akala ko magiging okay na kami kaya lang bigla kong nalaman na type pala siya ni Rhys…

Ito na nga sinasabi ko kapag may utang na loob ka, e…

’Di ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko. Sinasabi ng—actually, pota parehong isip at puso ko sinasabi na bahala si Rhys sa buhay niya. Malaki na siya. Ano naman kung gusto niya si Cha? Magkaka-problema lang naman kung gusto siya ni Cha…

“So what if Rhys likes me? It’s not like I like him,” sabi bigla ni Cha habang tinutulungan niya akong mag-ayos ng pagkain. Badtrip talaga. Instead na nag-aaral ako o natutulog, nandito ako at nag-aayos na ’to. Ano pa at may neos kami kung ako rin pala gagawa nito?

“Gusto mo talagang malaman?” tanong ko sa kanya. Ayokong sabihin kung ayaw niyang malaman. Hindi ko alam kung ano talaga lagay ko sa buhay ni Cha… Pero ayoko na maawa siya sa ’kin kasi pangMMK iyong buhay ko, sa totoo lang.

Ganon talaga; ’di naman pwede na lahat swerte. Kaya nagta-trabaho na lang ako kaysa magreklamo. Wala naman akong mapapala sa kaka-reklamo. Kapagod lang.

“Kung gusto mong i-kwento…” sagot niya.

Buong gabi akong nag-ipon ng lakas ng loob bago ko sabihin sa kanya. Wala pa kasi akong sinasabihan nun—akala ko talaga sa therapist ko unang iku-kwento iyong buhay ko… Ayoko kasing pag-usapan namin ni Gracey ’to dahil sigurado ako na iuuwi na talaga ako ni Gracey sa kanila.

’Di nga siguro si Cha naka-kuha ng virginity ko, pero pota ang dami niyang nakuhang first sa akin emotionally!

“Walang iced coffee,” sabi ko sabay abot sa kanya nung kape. Tinanggap niya iyon. Ilang segundo rin kaming tahimik na dalawa.

Tumingin ako kay Cha.

Sasabihin ko ba? Pero nakaka-takot.

Nakaka-takot mag-open up sa kahit kanino. Tapos biglang ’di ka pala nila maintindihan. Sakit lang nun. Nilabas mo lahat ng feelings mo… Tapos hindi ka pa rin maintindihan…

Siguro kung ibang tao, okay lang…

Pero ako kay Cha?

Ang sakit nun siguro.

Tumingin ulit ako sa kanya.

Bahala na nga.

Kung hindi siya ang para sa ’kin… isa talaga siyang malaking lesson learned.

“Nasabi ko na sa ’yo na patay na pareho parents ko, ’di ba?” pagsisimula ko. Ramdam ko agad iyong panginginig ng boses ko nang banggitin ko ang magulang ko. I just didn’t talk about them with anyone… I looked at Cha. I seriously hope she doesn’t mess this up for me…

“Baka isipin mo nagpapaawa ako sa ’yo,” sabi ko… binibigyan siya ng pagkaka-taon para tumayo at umalis. Hanggang ’di ko pa nasasabi iyong kwento ko. Masakit kasi kapag narinig niya pero umalis pa rin siya.

“Just tell the damned story,” she demanded.

“Okay po,” sabi ko habang ’di napigilan na mapa-tawa. Pota, ang demanding talaga kahit kelan. “Nung magka-college na ako, dapat sabay kami ni Gracey, kaso nga walang natirang pera para sa college ko. Pero gusto ko talaga na sabay kami ni Gracey kasi naka-plano na ’yun, e… Humingi ako ng tulong sa tita ko para pag-aralin ako. Kasi ’di ba pamilya naman? At saka babayaran ko naman sila pagka-graduate ko.”

Huminto ako sandali.

“Kaso after nung first year, narinig ko na nag-uusap sila. Na bakit daw ba kasi nagpakamatay si Papa tapos nag-iwan pa ng pabigat. Basta… ang dami nilang sinabi. Ayokong ulitin. Nababadtrip na naman ako,” sabi habang pilit na tumawa para ’di ako maiyak. “Syempre nagalit ako… Tatay ko ’yun, e… Nagka-sagutan kami ni Tita nun. Lumipat akong public school para makapag-aral pa rin ako. Nagsimula akong magtrabaho nun. Kahit ano pinapatulan ko basta lang ’wag akong hihingi ng pera sa kanila kasi… tangina, ’di ba? Pera lang? Kapatid niya Papa ko, e… Tapos nagagawa nilang sabihan ng ganon? Parang gago, ’di ba?”

Huminga ulit ako.

“Syempre naging busy ako. Si Gracey ang kulit. Punta nang punta sa apartment ko kahit sinabi kong ’wag kasi medyo delikado. Tapos… ayun.”

Humigpit iyong hawak ko sa cup ng kape.

Akala ko makukulong na ko nun… Kasi papatayin ko talaga ’yung gagong sumaksak kay Gracey… Buti napigilan ako ni Rhys… Pero gago gusto pala niya na siya ’yung papatay…

Tangina naman kasi nakuha mo na ’yung cellphone tapos sasaksakin mo pa?!

Kung hindi dumating si Tita nun, malamang wala kami sa law school ni Rhys at pareho kaming nasa kulungan… Kasi ready talaga akong patayin ’yung hayop na ’yun.

Namatay magulang ko tapos kukunin mo pa best friend ko?! Tangina ’yung galit ko nun talaga puta!

“Okay lang kung hindi mo itutuloy,” sabi niya sa akin nang ’di ako magsalita ng halos isang minuto.

Tumingin ako sa kanya. “Gusto mo ba si Rhys, Cha?” tanong ko. “Mabait naman ’yun… Gago lang sa ’kin pero may dahilan naman kasi.”

“Di mo ba ako narinig kanina nung sinabi ko na wala akong gusto sa kanya?” sagot niya.

“Narinig. Gusto ko lang siguraduhin.”

“Good. Kasi wala na akong balak ulitin.”

Natawa ako. “Sungit na naman.”

“Inaantok na kasi ako.”

I smiled again. “Ako rin. Tulog tayo?”

“Bakit galit sa ’yo si Rhys?” she asked.

“Kaya galit sa ’kin si Rhys kasi muntik ng mamatay si Gracey kasi ang gago ko,” mahinang sabi ko. “Ilang beses na nila kong sinabihan dati na sa bahay na lang nila dahil magkakilala namin pamilya namin dati pa… pero pride, e…”

Tumayo ako.

Umiinit na naman iyong ulo ko kapag naaalala ko.

“Wag mo ng sabihin kung hindi ka kumportable,” sabi niya.

“Okay lang… para may alam ka naman sa ’kin,” sagot ko. “Pero ’di ko ’to kinu-kwento para maawa ka, Cha. Gusto ko lang na alam mo kung bakit ganito kaming tatlo ni Rhys at Gracey. Komplikado kasi. Siguro pansin mo na parang galit sa ’kin parents nila pero walang magawa… Si Gracey kasi pinilit na wala akong kasalanan kahit halos mamatay na siya nun dahil sa ’kin. Minsan iniisip ko sira-ulo talaga ’yung babaeng ’yun, e,” sabi ko na may mahinang tawa. “Kaya ako nasa frat kasi sinali ako ng tatay ni Rhys dahil ayokong tumanggap ng pera galing sa kanila. Ultimo trabaho ko, siya nagKailangan ko kasi ’yung scholarship. Kulang ’yung sweldo ko sa trabaho. Kapag wala ’yun, mag-aalala si Gracey… makulit talaga ’yun. Kaya kahit hindi kami magka-sundo ni Rhys, napilitan akong sumali para hindi na mag-alala si Gracey.”

I smiled a little.

“I feel so indebted to their family,” I said. “Pakiramdam ko gagawin ko lahat ng sabihin nila sa ’kin…” pagpapatuloy ko. “Pero—”

Natigilan ako dahil tumayo siya.

“Umaga na,” sabi niya habang naka-tingin langit. “Uuwi na ko….”

And just like that, she walked out on me.

Again.

To say that Cha disappointed me would be an immense understatement. I was… God, I had no words!

’Di na dapat ako nagsalita.

’Di ko na dapat kinwento sa kanya ’yung buhay ko.

Kasalanan ko siguro… Ako naman ’yung nagkwento. Alam ko naman na may posibilidad na ganito iyong gawin niya… Na iwasan ako. Na naman. Na kahit sinabi ko sa kanya iyong buhay ko, na kahit ang hirap nun sa ’kin, nagawa niya pa rin akong talikuran nang ganon lang.

Nakaka-disappoint si Cha.

Sobra.

“For God’s sake, it’s Christmas!” Gracey said. Hinila niya ako rito sa bahay nila para dito raw ako magcelebrate kaysa mag-isa ako sa apartment. Pumayag na lang din ako dahil kung hindi ako pupunta rito, sigurado ako na pupunta si Gracey sa apartment ko para ako naman ang guluhin.

“Okay na?” tanong ko nang pilit akong ngumiti.

“Ugh, you’re unbearable!” sabi niya.

“Walang may pake—” sagot ko kaya lang ay natigilan ako at mabilis na napa-tayo nang makita ko iyong tatay ni Cha. I stood there like an idiot habang tinignan niya lang ako habang dumadaan siya.

Shit…

Gracey laughed. “Parang tanga ka ’dun,” she said.

“Bakit nandito ’yung tatay ni Cha?!”

“Ininvite nila Mama…” Gracey said. “Type din pala siya ni Rhys…” she continued. I remained silent. Alam ko naman. “Ang swerte ni Cha, dalawa pa nagkaka-gusto sa kanya samantalang sa akin, mamamatay na lang yata ako sa ospital.”

Arte.

Nilahad ko ’yung braso ko.

“Ano ’yan?” she asked.

“Sabi mo gusto mong magpractice, ’di ba?” I asked. Nagreklamo daw kasi iyong isa na kinuhanan niya ng dugo na mabigat daw iyong kamay niya… And Gracey being Gracey, ayaw niyang maka-sakit ng pasyente kaya kailangan niya raw magpractice. Ayoko sana kasi nagawa niya na ’to dati, e! Puro pasa iyong braso ko kasi bulag ata talaga siya! Kitang-kita na ’yung ugat ko, kung saan-saan tumutusok!

Gracey’s face lightened up. Kinuha niya iyong gamit niya at mabilis na nilagyan ng alcohol iyong bulak at pinwesto na iyong braso ko.

Nagcellphone na lang ako habang kung anu-ano ang ginagawa niya. Ayoko na kasing tignan dahil baka maiiwas ko lang iyong braso ko sa takot sa kanya kapag ganyan na may hawak siyang karayom.

“Ouch!” sigaw ko nang buto ko yata iyong tusukin niya. “The hell, Gracey!”

“Sorry!”

“Seriously! How the hell did you become a doctor?! Ang sakit!”

“Sorry! Sabi naman sa ’yo sa school na ako magpa-practice, e.”

“Kawawa mga pasyente mo. Ang bigat ng kamay mo.”

“Ang sama ng ugali?! Tusukin kita d’yan, e!” sabi niya tapos ambang tutusukin ulit ako. Aba!

Pipitikin ko sana iyong noo niya nang matigilan ako dahil nakita ko si Cha… Pota. Ano ’to, reunion?!

“You’re here!” Gracey exclaimed matapos lapitan si Cha. “I really didn’t believe Rhys when he said that he’ll get you to come here. That ass could be persistent when he wants to, no?” she commented. “Merry Christmas pala,” Gracey greeted. “Dito muna kayo, okay? I’ll just check sa dining room if ready na.”

At ang magaling na babae, mabilis na umalis.

Pambihira.

Tinanggal ko iyong tali sa braso ko at tumayo na rin ako. Ayokong kausapin si Cha. Badtrip pa rin ako sa kanya. Pagod rin. Pasko pa naman. Ayokong sirain araw ko. Pupunta pa ko kila Mama mamaya, e.

Aalis na sana ako nang bigla ko siyang marinig na nagsabi ng, “Merry Christmas.” Agad akong napa-hinto sa paglalakad at napa-tingin sa kanya.

“Ano’ng ginagawa mo?”

“Greeting you.”

What was her deal? Siguro malungkot lang talaga siya… Pero hindi siya seryoso kagaya ko… Siguro nga laro lang sa kanya ’to… Pero hindi para sa ’kin.

Ayoko na lalapitan niya lang ako kapag kailangan niya ng kausap.

I deserve better than that.

Huminga ako nang malalim at ngumiti sa kanya. “Merry Christmas,” I said. There’s no point in getting angry… I just needed to let her be.

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Ano’ng problema mo?”

I shrugged. “Nothing,” I said before walking away… pero ramdam ko na naka-sunod siya sa akin.

“Seriously?” tanong niya hanggang sa maka-rating sa harap ko. Naka-kunot ang noo niya… na parang siya pa ang galit dahil sa ginawa ko. What did she want from me, really? Kasi tatlong taon na. Tatlong taon na akong parang clown sa harapan niya.

And when I finally let her in, she shut the door to my face…

Gusto ko siya, pero ’di ako robot kagaya niya.

Napapagod ako—lalo na kapag nakaka-pagod siya.

“Magccr ako. Susunod ka rin?” tanong ko dahil ayaw niyang umalis sa harapan ko.

“Why are you being an asshole again?” she had the audacity to ask.

“I’m being an asshole?” hindi maka-paniwala kong tanong. I briefly closed my eyes and took deep breaths. “You ignored me for a whole month, in case you forgot about that!”

God, I was pissed!

Kapag siya hindi namamansin, nagagalit ba ako sa kanya? Hindi naman! Tapos kapag ako ’tong ayaw siyang kausapin, suddenly, I was the asshole?! Tanginang double standards ’yan! Babae lang pwedeng masaktan?! Kailangan kapag lalaki walang pakiramdam?!

“So?” maangas na sagot niya kahit alam naming dalawa na siya may kasalanan nito. “May responsibilidad ba akong kausapin ka?”

Tangina…

Bakit ako may gusto sa ganitong tao?

She’s so full of pride! And sometimes, pride is okay… pero tangina may binabagayan naman! ’Di naman sa lahat ng oras, pride pinapairal! Mahirap ba talagang magsorry?! Isang salita lang naman!

“You know what, Cha? I used to think that you’re just this… misunderstood girl. That under all that layer, you’re someone good,” seryosong sabi ko sa kanya… Na sana ay marinig niya… Na hindi siya magbingi-bingihan gaya ng lagi niyang ginagawa. “But I guess I was wrong. Maybe you’re just an asshole.”

Tumingin ako sa kanya; huminga nang malalim.

“I told you my story. I bared my soul to you. And you walked out on me…” I smiled faintly. “That shit hurt.”

I really thought that was the last straw…

I focused on my work; I focused on graduating…

Heck, I was even proud of myself dahil ’di ako sumilip nung graduation ni Cha! Akala ko isang step na ’yun sa lecheng pagmu-move on ko…

Pero tama nga ako na pagdating sa kanya, isa akong boomerang personified…

“Cha?” tanong ko nang makita ko siyang naka-tayo sa labas ng apartment ko. She was just looking at me. Okay na kami… We’re civil. Wala namang choice… but her standing outside my apartment like this, pakiramdam ko ay nasa peligro na naman ako.

“You said you owe me, right?” agad na tanong niya.

Saglit na kumunot ang noo ko.

I owed her?

For wha—shit.

“Yeah… but I said that three years ago.”

“What? Are you saying that the obligation has prescribed already?” masungit na sabi niya.

Fuck.

Ito na naman tayo.

Nadadala sa kasungitan.

“No, not what I was saying,” I said. “But seriously… what are you doing here? And are you wearing pajamas?”

“Di ako maka-tulog,” sagot niya.

“And your first thought was to go here?”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “No.”

“I thought we’re not friends? Just… colleagues? Or whatever your term is.”

“Well, we’re not enemies, are we?” she asked, and I shook my head. ’Di ako galit sa kanya. Napipikon niya ako nang sobra dahil sa pride niya, pero ’di ako galit… Gusto ko lang naman magsorry siya. Isang salita lang naman ’yun… pero parang sobrang hirap sabihin para sa kanya. Para bang magdidisintegrate siya kapag lumabas ’yun sa bibig niya.

“So, what do you want from me?”

“BAR month is coming…” she began. “I need you to be my slave. Buy me food. Get me my reviewers. Gisingin ako before the exam. Maghintay sa akin after. My slave.”

My brow arched. “You mean BAR buddy?”

Umiling siya. “No. I want you to be my slave.”

“But you do know that that’s a violation of Art 273? Forced labor?” tanong ko. Pambihira. BAR buddy iyong tinutukoy niya… Kailangan slave talaga iyong term?

Umirap siya. “Ang dami mong sinasabi. Are you in or not?”

“Deal,” sagot ko dahil isa akong human boomerang.

Marami akong tanong na gustong masagot—bakit maagang namatay magulang ko, ano’ng nangyari sa Malaysia Flight 370, etc… at ang latest ay kung bakit utu-uto ako pagdating kay Charisse Faith Viste.

Graduating na ako, may trabaho, may service sa FRAT, tapos personal alalay pa ni Cha…

“Ano ba’ng kailangan mo?” tanong ko habang inaayos iyong mga kailangan niya para sa BAR month. Gusto ko lang na maayos na ’to lahat bago magsimula. Kahit ’di ko intindi kung ano ang trip ni Cha sa buhay, gusto ko na maayos lahat sa BAR niya.

Kasi kahit magkanda-leche leche kaming dalawa, at the end of the day, I’ll still want to see her succeed.

She shrugged. “Di ko alam…”

“Do you need me to bring you breakfast? Lunch? Dinner?”

“Hindi naman…”

“Reviewer?”

“Meron sa review center.”

“So, bakit mo kailangan ako maging buddy?”

Hindi agad siya naka-sagot… pero namula iyong mukha niya. Gusto kong lumapit at hawakan iyong pisngi niya. May lagnat ba siya? Sinulat ko agad sa listahan ko na bumili ng gamot at vitamins para sa kanya. Ang payat pa naman nito. 

“Sabihin ko kapag may naisip akong kailangan ko.”

“Okay,” sagot ko. “Sa hotel ka rin ba sa Nov?”

“Yeah.”

“May roommate ka?” Umiling ako. “Ano’ng notes gusto mo?”

“Wala,” sagot niya ulit tapos hinugasan iyong baso.

“Cha,” tanong ko. “Why did you really ask for me?”

“Because you owe me.”

“After 3 years?”

“An obligation is an obligation.”

“Fine… If you say so… But I can’t help you if I don’t know where to help you.”

’Di siya sumagot.

Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya, tahimik na naghihintay ng sagot.

“People said… that I should relax,” she said barely audibly. “And I guess I can only relax when you’re around…”

That… that was a whole lot better than I love you…

I only wanted her to acknowledge that what she did before was wrong… but I got a whole lot more from Cha. Alam ko na hindi siya masalita na tao… So, I was willing to accept whatever she could give.

Tanggap ko na.

Talo talaga ako.

Gusto pa lang niya ako, pero mahal ko na talaga siya…

And it’s okay… I was certain that we’re reading the same book—I was just a few chapters ahead of her. But I was sure that we’d reach the last page together.

“Gusto mo hati tayo ’dun sa case? Digest ko ’yung half para mas mabilis?” tanong ko sa kanya dahil papalapit na iyong first Sunday ng BAR. Alam ko na pinaghirapan ni Cha ’to kaya naman ginagawa ko lahat para maging madali sa kanya.

“Bukas na,” she said.

Natawa ako. “Really? Ikaw ba ’yan?”

She nodded. “Buong araw na akong nagbabasa. The words are seriously dancing in my eyes already.”

“Okay… Ano’ng gusto mong gawin?” tanong ko.

“Iñigo…” sabi niyang bigla. Naka-tingin lang siya sa mukha ko. Tumingin din ako sa kanya. I wanted to smile… ’Di ko talaga akalain na aabot kami sa ganito… Na papabayaan niya na maging ganito ako kalapit sa kanya… Kasi alam ko naman na hindi siya ganito dati.

I acknowledge all the adjustments she made just to accommodate me into her life. Surely, it must’ve been hard for her.

“How…” sabi niya at mabilis na napa-hinto. Tumingin siyang mabuti sa akin. “How… is sex different from what we’re already doing?”

“What do you mean?” tanong ko kahit naaaliw ako sa pagtatanong niya. Cha’s a very curious lady… Halik pa lang nagagawa naming dalawa, pero iba na talaga ang tama ko sa kanya.

“The sex,” she said, almost stuttering. I pressed my lips. ’Di ako dapat ngumiti. Sigurado ako ’di na siya magtatanong. “Is it really… good?”

Umayos ako ng upo. Huminga nang malalim. I didn’t want her to be shy talking about this… Kung magiging kami man talaga, I wanted her to tell me everything—sexual preference included. Ayoko na pilitin siya na gawin ’yung ayaw niya.

“Why?”

“I’m curious.”

“I thought everything but sex?”

“Just curious.”

“It’s really good… but it’s the best when you’re doing it with someone you really connect with,” seryosong sagot ko.

“But like physically?”

“Bakit ba curious na curious ka? ’Di pa ba sapat ’yung daliri ko?”

Mabilis na tumama iyong kamay niya sa braso ko. I gave in and laughed. God, she’s cute! “Nakaka-inis ka talaga!”

I laughed again and pulled her close to me and bit her shoulder. “Gusto mo na ba?” tanong ko.

“Hindi,” sagot niya.

“Okay,” I said, planting a kiss on her shoulder.

“But… it’s like really good?”

Hinigpitan ko iyong yakap sa kanya at saka kinagat iyong balikat niya. “Yang mga tanong mo…” sabi ko. “Bored na bored ka na kaka-aral, kung anu-ano na tinatanong mo.”

She rolled her eyes.

There it was.

“I’m just genuinely curious, okay?” sabi niya. I rested my head against her shoulder and let myself think. Ayaw niyang magsex… pero curious din siya… Pakiramdam ko nagawa na namin lahat ng pwede—minus me going down on her kasi sinuntok niya ako kaya ’di na ako umulit dahil dumugo iyong ilong ko sa ginawa niya. Akala ko talaga magkaka-mantsa ng dugo iyong bed sheet niya dahil nakuha ko iyong virginity niya, pero ang nangyari ay dahil sinuntok niya ako.

Iba talaga kapag si Cha, e.

“Okay… I think I have a solution.”

“Solution to what?”

“This… tricky situation,” I said before we started making out again. Gustung-gusto ko talagang hinahalikan siya—kung ’di ko lang kailangang huminga, hinding-hindi ako titigil.

I parted her lips with my tongue. I wanted to kiss her deeply. Mabilis na naipasok ko iyong kamay ko sa panty niya.

Pota.

Ito na naman po tayo.

“May extra boxers naman ako dito, ’di ba?” tanong ko habang hinihingal na agad.

“Yeah… why?”

“We can’t fuck yet… so let’s just dry hump for now, okay?” I said before I began thrusting against her while we’re still both fully clothed. Gusto kong isara iyong mga mata ko dahil sa sarap, pero gusto ko ring tignan iyong itsura ni Cha. She closed her eyes and bit her lower lips… She looked so pained and pleasured… If only she’d let me go fucking down!

“What—” sabi niya nang tumigil ako at saka tanggalin iyong suot kong pantalon hanggang naka-boxers na lang ako. I pulled her shorts down until she’s just in her black panty. Putangina. Puta. Kitang-kita kung gaano siya ka-puti dahil sa panty niya. Tangina talaga naman!

“No sex, promise,” I said before I kissed her again and rubbed myself against her. Putangina. Charisse Faith, tangina!

With her fucking panty and just my boxers, I felt how wet she was for me. Gustung-gusto ko na talagang pumasok. Gustung-gusto ko nang magmakaawa kay Cha, pero pinipigilan ko kasi gusto ko siya ang magsasabi.

Bilib na talaga ako sa self-control ko. Kailangan ko ng award!

“Iñigo, mahuhulog na tayo,” she said when her head was already hanging dahil napa-atras na kami nang napa-atras sa sofa.

“Sandali na lang, please,” I pleaded as I thrusted faster in between her legs. Putangina, Charisse Faith!

I got my hand inside her panty and rubbed her until she got off. I wanted her to get off first bago ako. And when she’s chasing the high, I rubbed myself against her until I came inside my boxers.

Fuck.

What an experience.

I am in love with Charisse Faith Viste.

I wanted to give her the good life—every fucking thing.

So, when Mr. Tiu asked me about what I thought was my future in the company was, I told him that I wanted to reach the top… Kasi gusto kong ibigay kay Cha iyong buhay na naka-sanayan niya. Ayokong maghirap siya kasama ako. Gusto kong ibigay lahat sa kanya.

“Seryoso ba ’to, Sir?” tanong ko kay Atty. Cabo nang basahin ko iyong contract na inabot niya sa akin. Nakalagay doon na bibigyan ako ng sariling sasakyan at condo ko pati salary raise.

“Seryosong-seryoso,” sagot ni Atty. Cabo. “At bago ka magdalawang-isip, you deserve this.”

Agad akong natigilan.

“Sobra naman po yata ’to.”

“Believe me, that’s nothing,” sagot niya. “You just have to sign and continue working here… Provided that you’ll top the BAR, of course.”

Pakiramdam ko kaya ko namang magtop sa BAR… Pero parang sobrang dami naman nitong binibigay nila? Okay na ko sa salary raise, e.

“Pwedeng itanong kung bakit, Sir?”

“You’ve been working here for 4 years, Iñigo. Mas alam mo pa iyong takbo dito kaysa sa mga abogado na… The company just wants to reward you… and of course, to make sure that you’ll stay… Dahil alam mo na ang pasiku-sikot dito.”

Ngumiti ako.

Kahit parang threat iyong huling sinabi niya.

“You deserve these. You worked for this,” Atty. Cabo said. Hindi agad ako nakapagsalita. “Think about all the classes you missed dahil kailangan mo akong samahan sa trabaho o iyong mga gabi na kailangan mong bumalik sa opisina pagkatapos ng klase mo para tapusin iyong trabaho—and then tell me kung sobra ’tong binibigay sa ’yo.”

Atty. Cabo stood up and tapped my shoulder.

“Think about that,” he said before leaving me in the conference room.

Buong araw kong inisip iyong kontrata… pero nang makita ko si Cha sa opisina, agad akong napa-pirma. Tama naman si Atty… Pinaghirapan ko naman ’to. Bakit ba kailangan kong ipagdamot sa sarili ko iyong pinaghirapan ko?

Sa law school, madamot ako dahil ’di ako pumayag na i-curve iyong grade dahil may hinahabol ako na scholarship… tapos kasalanan ko nung may mga bumagsak.

Sa trabaho, kupal ako dahil naunahan ko sa promotion iyong ibang lawyer na kahit mas matagal na ako sa kanila dito at ’di na nga ako halos nakaka-uwi sa apartment dahil dito na yata ako naka-tira sa trabaho…

Laging kasalanan ko.

Taena bahala sila d’yan.

Sinabihan agad ako na pumunta ako sa car dealership para mamili ng sasakyan.

“Ano ba’ng pinaka-mahal na sasakyan?” tanong ko kay Cha dahil baka siya maraming alam sa sasakyan kasi mayaman siya, e. Nung ’di pa siya umaalis sa kanya, at least 5 sasakyan iyong nakita ko na pinangsusundo sa kanya minsan.

“Kailangan ba mahal?”

“Di naman… pero sabi nila kahit ano daw na sasakyan, e,” sabi ko. “Gusto ko sana Range Rover kaya lang ayoko ng pareho kami ni Jax…”

Tsk.

Ano ba kulay ng Range Rover niya? Black ata… May red ba nun? Gusto ko rin ng ganon kaya lang ayoko na pareho kami.

“What did they offer you?”

“Salary, car, condo, stock options after a few years,” sagot ko.

“Ano’ng kapalit?”

“What do you mean ano’ng kapalit?”

“If the offer’s too good to be true, maybe it really is,” she tried to casually say it, but her tone didn’t escape my ears.

“May narinig ka na naman ba tungkol sa akin?” tanong ko.

“Tungkol saan?” inosente niyang sagot.

“Tungkol saan?”

“Sa trabaho ko,” sagot ko.

“Ayokong makielam sa trabaho mo,” she said. “Your job is your job. It’s your business. I just want you to think things through before signing yourself to anything.”

I closed my eyes and drew deep breath.

“It’s just work, Cha,” paliwanag ko.

“I know.”

“Kung hindi ako, may iba pa ring gagawa.”

“Alam ko.”

“We were taught not to judge,” sabi ko. “That everyone deserves to be afforded defense in the court of law.”

Tumingin siya sa akin ng diretso. “I know all those things, Iñigo. I’m not judging you for your work. I don’t live in a fucking fairytale. I just want you to think things through before deciding. Don’t base every decision on financial gain. Money doesn’t solve everything.”

Huminga ako nang malalim.

“You don’t live in a fairytale but you don’t believe money solves everything? Bullshit, Cha. Ang idealistic niyang sinabi mo.”

“I’m not your enemy, Iñigo. Bakit ka nagagalit sa ’kin?”

Kapag ako, galit agad?

Pero kapag siya, unsolicited advice lang?

“You’re judging me,” I stated.

“I’m not,” she replied.

“You are. Iyang tingin mo… You’re judging me.”

“I’m not judging you. I’m fucking trying to understand you.”

“Because I could take all of them judging me. I don’t give a fuck about what they thing because they don’t know me… Pero ikaw?” I asked and then my jaw clenched once more. “Your opinion matters.”

Hindi na naman siya nagsalita.

Natatakot ako sa tumatakbo sa isip niya.

Natatakot ako kasi parang ang dali sa kanyang tumalikod.

“If it’s still not clear, it’s because I have strong fucking feelings for you, Charisse Faith Viste…” I said, wanting to make myself clear. Na kung hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin niya alam, hindi ko na alam kung bakit.

Pero tumayo siya…

At parang handang tumalikod na naman.

“I came from a rich dysfunctional family, Iñigo, and if indeed money solves everything, how come I’m not happy?” she asked, looking straight into my eyes. “Stop convincing me that you’re not evil when truth is, you want to convince yourself that it’s just work.”

She looked at me… and I clearly saw judgment.

“Get whatever car you want… Money doesn’t impress me,” she continued before walking away… Making my nightmare a fucking reality yet again.

Epilogue (Part 3 of 4)

#CTGEpilogue (Part 

3 of 4)

“Hello po?” agad kong sagot nang makita kong tumawag sa akin si Prosec Garcia. Inaantok pa talaga ako kasi gumawa ako ng baby kagabi, pero ’di naman pwede na ’di ko sagutin ’yung tawag. Daming nangyari sa buhay ko bago ako makarating sa pagiging prosecutor. ’Di ako pwedeng ’di magtrabaho nang maayos.

Lalo na ngayon at nagpa-plano na kami ni Cha na ready na kami magka-anak. Kailangan kong mas umayos.

Hindi ko alam kung anong oras na, pero nang mapa-tingin ako sa labas ng bintana, kita ko na madilim pa. Maingat na tumayo ako mula sa kama kasi baka magising si Cha… Pagod na pagod pa naman ’yan sa trabaho.

Agad akong lumabas ng kwarto namin. Halos mapatid ako ng mga boxes na naka-kalat sa sahig. ’Di talaga namin matapos-tapos ayusin ni Cha iyong boxes. Tuwing magkakaroon kami ng oras mag-ayos, bigla kaming napupunta sa kwarto. Ewan ko ba. Malakas kontrol ko sa lahat ng bagay, pero kapag kay Cha, parang natatanga talaga ako.

Iba talaga epekto niya sa ’kin.

“Iñigo,” he said.

“Yes, Sir?” I asked.

Medyo nanibago ako nang tawagin niya akong Iñigo. Palaging Atty. Borromeo ako kung tawagin niya. Wala siyang masyadong ka-close sa opisina dahil ayaw niya na maisip na may favorite. Ayos lang naman sa ’kin. Tapos na ako sa panahon na gumagamit ako ng koneksyon. Tama naman talaga si Cha—iba pa rin kapag alam mo na pinaghirapan mo ng sarili mo…

Pero alam ko naman na pinaghirapan ko rin lahat ng meron ako noon. Ayoko na lang sabihin. Ayoko na nag-aaway kami ni Cha. ’Di ako makapagfocus sa trabaho kapag nag-aaway kami. Mas madali sa ’king magsorry at manahimik. ’Di niya kasi kaya kaya ako na lang. Wala namang problema kaysa hindi kami mag-usap.

“Come to the office right now.”

“Po?”

“In 30 minutes,” sabi niya at mabilis na binabaan ako ng tawag.

Gusto ko sanang gisingin si Cha para magpaalam na aalis na agad ako… Sinubukan ko naman siyang gisingin kaya lang ayaw niyang idilat iyong mga mata niya. Napagod ata kagabi sa dami ng ginawa namin.

Gusto ko na kasing magka-baby… pero ’di ko naman siya pwedeng pilitin. Katawan niya ’yan, e. Mabuti nga ’di niya sinabi sa ’kin na ayaw niyang magka-anak… na ’di ako magugulat kung sasabihin niya kasi sobrang career-oriented siyang tao. Maiintindihan ko naman kung sasabihin niya. Malungkot siguro… pero ’di ko naman siya minahal para bigyan ako ng anak.

Hinalikan ko iyong noo ni Cha bago ako lumabas. Tatlong beses kong sinigurado na naka-lock iyong main door pati iyong metal gate sa labas. Mahirap na. Dami pa namang sira ulo sa panahon ngayon.

Pagdating ko sa opisina, agad akong dumiretso sa office ni Prosec. Iyong office niya pa lang kasi iyong may ilaw kasi maaga pa talaga.

Babati sana ako ng good morning nang matigilan ako nang makita ko kung sino iyong nasa kwarto kasama niya.

“Congressman…”

Hindi ko siya masyadong kilala. Nagkikita kami kapag may party sa frat dati, pero hanggang doon lang. Alam ko kasi kung sino siya… Kahit noon pa lang, ni minsan hindi ako humingi ng pabor mula sa kanya dahil ayokong magkaroon ng utang na loob sa mga gaya niya.

Alam ko may utang na loob ako sa frat…

Pero ayokong madamay sa problema ng mga Ramirez.

Kaya hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa rin alam kung ano ang pumasok sa isip ni Kitty para magpakasal siya kay Kier Ramirez. Sana lang talaga walang mangyaring masama sa kanya. May sumpa pa naman ’yang pamilya na ’yan.

“Let’s all sit down first,” Prosec said.

Tahimik iyong buong kwarto. Nang mapa-tingin ako sa gawi ni Congressman ay kitang-kita ko iyong galit sa mga mata niya. Ano ba’ng nangyari? At bakit kailangang nandito ako?

“Iñigo, I’ll be assigning a new case to you,” he began.

“Ano po?”

“Parricide,” he replied.

Kumunot ang noo ko. Halos puro tungkol sa drugs iyong kaso na binibigay sa akin… Lalo na at kaka-bigay lang nung sa Carson case. Kaka-sabi lang sa akin ni Prosec na kailangan kong magfocus doon dahil high profile case iyon at maraming matang naka-matyag sa amin. Na hindi ako pwedeng magka-mali doon dahil titirahin kami ng media at ng publiko.

“Okay po,” sagot ko. ’Di naman ako pwedeng tumanggi. Kailangan kong maging masipag para sa amin ni Cha… Saka pangarap kong maging judge. Napansin ko kasi na kahit ano’ng galing mong abogado, sa huli, nasa judge pa rin iyong desisyon…

So, if I really wanted to make a change, I needed to be a judge.

Walang kwenta kahit ipagtanggol mo pa iyong inosente kung sa huli, nabayaran na iyong judge.

Hindi naman lahat ng judge nababayaran… Pero hindi naiiwasan… Iba pa rin kapag pera na ’yung nagsalita. I should know. I’d been there. Swerte lang ako na may Cha na humatak sa ’kin pabalik. Mahal na mahal ko talaga ’yun.

“Good,” Prosec said.

“Iñigo, right?” Congressman said.

“Yes, Sir,” sagot ko.

Agad akong kinilabutan nang tumingin siya sa akin. There’s something… threatening about him. Na kahit hindi pa siya magsalita, parang gusto mo ng tumakbo palayo.

“I need you to win this case. This is very important to me. This is about my son.”

Umawang ang labi ko.

Napa-kurap ako.

What?

“Sino…” tanong kong hindi ko masundan dahil nagsimulang bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. Agad akong napa-tingin kay Prosec nang hindi sumagot si Congressman.

Prosec looked at me like he was almost apologetic for putting me in such a position. Tangina. Sinong anak?

Suspicion roused through my system, but I needed confirmation.

“The suspect’s already in custody, and I need you to immediately start working on this case,” Prosec replied instead.

“Who’s… the suspect?” tanong ko kasabay iyong malakas na kabog ng puso ko.

“Katherine Ramirez.”

“No,” mabilis kong sagot nang marinig ko iyong pangalan niya. Agad akong tumayo. “No,” ulit ko. “I’m not accepting the case, Sir.”

Napa-tingin ako kay Congressman na biglang napa-tayo dahil sa ginawa ko. Agad siyang humakbang palapit sa akin. Pilit akong nanatili sa posisyon ko kahit na naka-ramdam ako ng takot sa kanya.

“What did you say?” he asked.

“I’m not accepting the case, Sir,” ulit ko.

The fuck if I’m accepting that case! Tangina, ’di kami nag-uusap ni Kitty, pero ’di ko gagawin sa kanya ’yan! I knew how brutal the trials could go and I fucking refused to be on the other side, crucifying her!

Halos matumba ako sa kinatatayuan ko nang hawakan niya iyong kwelyo ng suot ko.

“What did you say?” he asked again.

“I’m not accepting the case, Sir,” muling sagot ko.

Lumuwag ang hawak niya sa akin. Tumingin siya kay Prosec.

“I like this kid,” Congressman said. “May paninindigan.”

Prosec looked at me. “He’s the top 1 in his batch, Congressman,” sagot ni Prosec.

“Impressive,” he said. “You’re from the frat, right?”

Hindi ako nagsalita.

“Then, all the more you should do me this favor, hijo.”

Tumingin ako sa kanya. “Matagal na po akong inactive sa frat, Sir. Kung iyong sa scholarship naman po, babayaran ko na lang para tapos na.”

Congressman looked impressed.

Tangina.

Ngayon lang ako nagsisi na nagtop 1 ako!

“He should handle the case,” pag-uusap nila na para bang wala ako roon at nagsabi na hindi ko tatanggapin ang kaso.

“Sir, I said—”

Agad siyang tumingin sa akin. “Iñigo Borromeo… right?” he asked and I remained silent. “I was told that you have a girlfriend… Charisse Viste, if I remember it correctly.”

Tangina.

Tangina!

“Sa panahon ngayon, maraming masamang nangyayari… Minsan, may mga masasamang tao na pumapasok sa bahay… Nagnanakaw… Pumapatay…”

Agad kong naikuyom ang kamao ko.

Ramdam ko iyong panginginig ng kamay ko.

“Is that a threat, Sir?” I asked.

“Not at all,” he replied. “I’m just telling you… These things happen…”

Hindi ako agad nagsalita.

Alam ko kung ano ang sasabihin ni Cha kapag pumayag ako dahil sa kanya. Alam ko na magagalit siya sa ’kin.

“I’m still not accepting the case, Sir,” sagot ko at mabilis na lumabas ng opisina. Halos mabangga ako bago ako maka-rating pabalik sa apartment. Mabilis kong hinanap iyong isang pack ng yosi na tinago ko dahil ayaw ni Cha na naninigarilyo ako. Hanggang maka-uwi ako ay ayaw pa ring tumigil ng panginginig ng kamay ko.

Shit.

Si Kitty.

“Don’t smoke.”

Agad akong napa-tingin kay Cha nang marinig ko ang boses niya. Sinubukan kong ngumiti, pero hindi ko magawa. I just hit the cigarette again, hoping that it would blur the problem away.

Pero hindi ko magawang alisin sa isip ko iyong naging pag-uusap namin kanina.

Kier’s dead.

And Katherine’s in prison.

What the fuck happened?

Gusto kong malaman kung ano ang nangyari… pero ayokong makialam. Ayokong maging prosecutor sa kaso ni Kitty. Alam ko na kung hindi ako, may ibang gagawa… At mas maganda na iba na lang ang gumawa. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mararamdaman niya kung ako mismo na kaibigan niya ang magdidiin sa kanya.

Shit.

Tangina talaga!

“Hey,” I said, instead. Alam na kaya niya iyong nangyari kay Kitty? Alam na kaya ni Jax? Shit. May kasama kaya siya ngayon? “Maaga pa, ah. Saan ka pupunta?”

Cha looked at me.

Kinabahan ako.

Shit.

Alam niya.

“Jax,” simpleng sabi niya… pero doon pa lang, alam ko na na alam niya. Cha’s not very fond of lying… but she’s a fan of omitting the truth—it’s technically not a lie, as she’d say. “And please, stop with the cigarette.”

Pero hindi ako nakinig.

Tangina.

Hindi ko tinanggap iyong kaso, pero sigurado ako na tutulungan ni Cha si Jax… Dahil sigurado ako na kukunin ni Jax iyong kaso ni Kitty. Sigurado ako roon.

Sa dami ng abogado na kumalaban sa mga Ramirez, konti lang ang nanalo… Iyong iba, biglang nawawala…

Fuck.

Ano ba ’tong pinasok ni Kitty!

“Wag ka ngang manigarilyo sa harap ko,” galit na sabi ni Cha.

“Tapusin ko lang ’to,” paki-usap ko dahil pakiramdam ko ay sasabog na ang ulo sa kaka-isip kung ano ang mangyayari. Damay-damay na kaming lahat. Shit. Tangina, buti sana kung ako na lang! Sigurado ako na kasama si Cha dito! Ang tigas pa naman ng ulo nito!

“Please?” I asked because she was badly glaring at me… And I stopped smoking for years… Ngayon na lang ulit… “I… just really need this one, Cha.”

She only looked at me.

“You can’t smoke in front of me,” sabi niya at saka humugot ng malalim na hininga. “Iñigo, I’m pregnant.”

Hindi ko alam kung posible ba iyon… pero para bang huminto ang paligid nang marinig ko iyong sinabi ni Cha. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang unang mararamdaman ko. Alam ko na dapat akong maging masaya… pero mas unang pumasok iyong takot sa isip ko.

Takot sa mga Ramirez.

Takot para kay Kitty.

Takot para kay Cha.

Takot para sa baby.

Parang… parang kahit ano ang gawin ko, talo pa rin ako.

Tumingin ako kay Cha. She smiled at me and touched my face. I was sure she knew… pero wala akong makitang kahit ano’ng takot sa mukha niya.

But I couldn’t be like her.

We couldn’t be both brave.

I had to be scared for her… for the baby…

I needed to take that fucking case.

“Iñigo,” pagtawag niya sa akin. Pilit akong ngumiti kahit pakiramdam ko biglang hindi ako maka-hinga. Puma-pasok sa isip ko iyong itsura ni Kitty… At kung ano ang mararamdaman niya kapag nalaman niya na ako iyong prosecutor sa kaso niya…

And Cha.

God, she’d be furious at me kapag nalaman niya na tinanggap ko iyong kaso.

“I really hope there’s a better opportunity so we can fully discuss this, pero may kailangan talaga akong puntahan. I’ll just see you later, okay?”

Bago pa man siya maka-alis, agad akong tumakbo papunta sa kwarto at kinuha iyong box ng singsing na matagal ko nang itinago. Matagal ko ng gustong magpropose pero para bang hindi ako maka-kuha ng tamang tyempo dahil sa dami ng nangyayari sa buhay namin ni Cha…

Pero kahit na hindi ’to nangyari, sigurado ako na papa-kasalan ko pa rin siya. Kasi siya lang naman talaga mula noon hanggang ngayon. Sa kanya lang ako ganitong ka-sigurado.

“Cha…” pagtawag ko sa pangalan niya.

Ramdam ko iyong bilis ng tibok ng puso ko.

Naka-tingin siya sa akin… pero alam ko kung ano ang nasa isip niya. Dati, gustung-gusto kong malaman lahat ng dumadaan sa isip niya. Ang hirap niya kasing basahin. Nahihirapan ako dahil ayaw niya ring magsalita. Gusto kong malaman lahat tungkol sa kanya. Pero ngayon? Ayoko munang malaman kung ano ang nasa isip niya. Ayokong malaman kung paano siyang magagalit sa akin dahil sa mga mangyayari…

Pero kailangan kong gawin.

Hindi pwede na pareho kaming matapang.

Duwag na kung duwag, pero may baby na sa usapan.

“May… bago bang na-assign na case sa ’yo?” tanong niya.

“Wala pa…”

Wala pa naman talaga.

Pero mamaya…

Shit.

“Okay… Pero kailangan ko ng umalis,” she said, but she wouldn’t move. I had to draw a deep breath. Tumingin ako sa mga mata niya para humugot ng lakas.

This… this certainly wasn’t what I had in mind when I envisioned proposing to her… Plano ko sana na sa bakasyon ako magpo-propose… Naka-plano na lahat… We’d go to the beach and lounge under the sun all day. Wala kaming gagawin kung hindi ang magrelax—kapalit ng walang tigil naming pagta-trabaho ng ilang taon. Tapos kapag bumalik na kami sa villa namin, pagpasok namin, nandun iyong mga petals sa sahig tapos maraming lobo. I knew that Cha would roll her eyes off, but I knew her well enough to know that she’d like that… Nakita ko iyon nung napanood namin sa Facebook. Sabi niya ang corny daw… pero hindi niya naman maialis iyong mata niya sa video.

My Cha’s a softie.

Kunwari ayaw ng sweet, pero ang totoo, nahihiya lang magsabi.

“Let’s get married,” I said. I opened the box to show her the ring. “I know…” pagsisimula ko pero bigla akong natigilan nang maramdmaan ko iyong pagtutubig ng mga mata ko. Ano ba ’yan! Na-practice ko na ’to, e!

“Shit. Alam ko hindi ’to ’yung tamang panahon, but please, agree to marry me? Fuck. Wait. Mali pala,” sabi ko at mabilis na lumuhod. Huminga ako nang malalim. I looked at her face… she was just looking at me… Mabuti pa siya kalmado. Ako, parang tatalon na ’yung puso ko palabas!

“Charisse Faith Viste, I know our relationship is not the general rule when it comes to standards of relationship… but I believe that we’re the exception to the general rule and my love for you is the exception to the exception—”

“Okay,” she simply said.

“Okay?” nabiglang tanong ko. ’Yun na ’yun?!

“We’re living together and we’re going to have a child—this is just a formality,” sabi niya at saka kinuha iyong singsing sa box at sinuot iyon sa daliri niya. I saw how she was fighting the urge to smile… but I still saw that smile.

She never really changed…

Still the ice queen I once knew.

But I’d never change her for anything.

Agad akong tumayo at niyakap siya. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero sa tuwing pakiramdam ko ay bibigay na ako sa dami ng problema ko sa trabaho, sa dami ng ginagawa ko, sa dami ng hinihingi sa akin… kapag niyayakap ko si Cha, bigla kong naaalala na may dahilan lahat ng bagay.

Na hindi naman lahat ng ’to para sa wala.

Dati, gusto ko lang yumaman—gusto ko lang patunayan iyong sarili ko sa lahat ng pakiramdam ko ay umali sa akin…

Pero ngayon? Puro si Cha ang dahilan.

Sa kanya lang umiikot ang mundo ko… Siguro mali… Pero masaya ako sa ganito. Mas gusto ko na sa kanya lang lahat ng atensyon ko dahil simula nung dumating siya sa buhay ko, parang doon lang nagka-direksyon lahat.

I really just wanted her in my fucking life… I didn’t care about the consequences. Only for her, I’d really give anything up.

Akala ko ang tanga ni Jax noon na willing siyang magpa-kickout para kay Kitty… Pero ako ’to ngayon, willing na magalit lahat basta masigurado lang na walang gagalaw sa pamilya ko.

“I love you,” I whispered in her ears.

“I concur,” she replied.

Typical Cha.

I want her forever.

“God, I love you so much,” I repeated before kissing her.

“Iñigo, I have to go…” sabi niya nang pakawalan ko iyong labi niya.

Tumingin ako sa kanya at tumango. “I love you, Cha. Always remember that…”

Ilang segundo akong napa-tulala nang mawala siya sa paningin ko. Dumiretso ako sa ref at kumuha ng tubig. Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal na naka-tayo lang doon… Pero nang ma-kalma ko na iyong sarili ko, kinuha ko iyong brief case ko at dumiretso pabalik sa opisina.

Tangina, bahala na.

---

“We’re aiming for the maximum penalty here, Iñigo,” Prosec told me. Tahimik akong nakikinig sa lahat ng bilin niya. Wala na si Congressman, pero ramdam ko pa rin iyong presensya niya. “If there are aggravating circumstances available, use them all.”

Ang daming bilin.

Hindi naman ganito sa ibang kaso.

“I was told na kaibigan mo iyong defendant?” biglang tanong niya. Tipid akong tumango. “We can use that to our advantage… Exploit her weakness. Make sure na magmumukha siyang guilty.”

Saglit kong ipinikit ang mga mata ko at huminga nang malalim.

‘Para kay Cha,’ bulong ko sa sarili ko.

“Sir,” pagtawag ko.

“Yes?”

“Yung pamilya ko, Sir…”

Hindi ko mapigilan iyong paghapdi ng mga mata ko nang banggitin ko iyong salitang pamilya. Ang tagal kong hinintay ’yun… Ang tagal kong pinangarap ’yun…

Hinintay namin ni Cha ’yun…

Mamamatay ako kapag may nangyari sa kanila.

“Just do your job, Iñigo,” he said.

“Walang mangyayari sa kanila, Sir?” mahinang tanong ko.

Kapag may nangyari sa mag-ina ko… I swear to God isususod ko iyong buong pamilya nila kay Kier.

“Walang mangyayari basta gawin mo ang trabaho mo,” sagot niya.

Pagkatapos ng lahat ng bilin ni Prosec at dumiretso na ako sa presinto para iinform iyong defendant sa kaso na isasampa namin sa kanya. Hindi ako maka-labas ng sasakyan ko nang makita ko si Cha na naka-tayo sa labas ng presinto. Paulit-ulit kong inuntog iyong ulo ko sa headrest dahil parang sasabog na ’yun sa dami ng iniisip.

Inabot ko na naman iyong sigarilyo at binuksan nang konti iyong bintana. Ayaw tumigil sa panginginig ng mga kamay ko habang pinapanood ng mga mata ko si Cha…

I needed to get my fucking self together.

Magagalit si Cha… pero mas importante na ligtas sila ng anak namin.

Inubos ko iyong isang stick ng yosi bago ako lumabas. Huminga ako nang malalim at hinanda iyong sarili ko sa pagkikita namin ni Cha.

Mabilis akong naglakad—para matapos na.

Agad na napa-hinto si Cha at ibinaba iyong hawak niyang cellphone. “Iñigo… why are you here?” she calmly asked… pero para bang alam niya na kung bakit, pero pinipilit niyang ’wag tanggapin iyong dahilan.

“Cha, not now,” pakiusap ko.

“You told me na walang bagong case na assigned sa ’yo—” Bigla siyang napa-hinto. “Did you fucking lie to me?”

Gusto kong sabihin sa kanya na hindi naman ako nagsinungaling… Na hindi ko naman talaga tinanggap… Kasi alam ko kung ano ang sasabihin niya—na kaya niya, na ’wag ko siyang isipin…

Pero may baby na.

Ano ba ang choice na meron ako?

Alam ko na hindi siya papayag na hindi tulungan si Jax… Alam ko ’yun. Lagi siyang nand’yan para sa mga kaibigan niya… Sa lahat ng nangyari sa kanila, si Cha palagi iyong tahimik na nagbabantay sa kanila.

Pero may baby na ngayon.

Hindi na pwede ’yung dati.

“You know I can’t talk to you about work,” sagot ko sa kanya. “Please? Cha, please… Gusto ko lang magtrabaho.”

Mabilis akong pumasok sa loob. Kinausap ko saglit iyong mga pulis bago nila ako tinuro sa kwarto kung nasaan si Kitty. Huminto ako sa harap nun at saka humugot ng malalim na hininga. Tinapik ko iyong mukha ko at pinaalala sa sarili ko kung bakit kailangan kong gawin ’to…

’Di pwede na pareho kaming matapang.

I quickly opened the door—kitang-kita ko kung paanong sabay-sabay silang napa-tingin sa akin. I saw Cha… I saw Jax… But my vision focused on Kitty…

And how her face fell and her heart broke.

Umayos ako ng tayo.

‘This is for Cha and the baby,’ I once again reminded myself.

“Mrs. Ramirez, Atty. Yuchengco… I’ll be the prosecutor for this case,” I professionally said… because that’s the only way I’d be able to stomach going through all this.

Kay Jax lang ako naka-tingin sa buong pag-uusap. Ayokong tumingin kay Kitty… Pinilit kong ’wag tumingin sa kanya. Hindi ko magagawa ’to kung makikita ko iyong itsura ng mukha niya.

Hindi niya siguro naisip na sa lahat, ako pa…

Hindi ko rin naman gusto…

Pero ano’ng gagawin ko? Iyong pamilya ko iyong naka-salalay dito… Siguro naman maiintindihan niya… Dahil sigurado ako na kung nagka-palit kami ng posisyon, na kung si Jax iyong nasa kalagayan ni Cha, sigurado ako na kakalimutan niya ang buong mundo para kay Jax.

Kasi ganon siya.

Kasi ganon ako.

Pareho lang kami.

Nang maka-labas ako, hindi sumunod si Cha. Agad akong dumiretso sa sasakyan at mabilis na nagdrive. Hindi ko maipaliwanag kung ano iyong mararamdaman ko. Para akong masusuka nang nasa harap ko mismo si Kitty.

The betrayal in her eyes…

I wanted to rethink my decision… pero sa tuwing naiisip ko si Cha at ang baby namin, bigla akong nawawalan ng pakielam sa buong mundo… The world could fucking burn and I wouldn’t care so long as I could get my family to safety.

I just needed to fucking turn my conscience off.

Kagaya ng dati.

Magalit na kung magagalit si Cha… Mas importante iyong anak namin. Hindi pwede na pareho kaming lalaban. Wala na akong pakielam kung ako na naman ’yung gago.

Pagdating ko sa opisina ay hindi na ako nagulat nang mabawasan iyong kaso sa lamesa ko. Inilipat daw sa iba para makapagconcentrate ako sa kaso ni Kier. Hindi na ako nagtanong pa at tahimik na nagtrabaho… Pero hindi rin ako natahimik dahil bumisita si Mrs. Ramirez at pinaalala sa akin kung ano ang pwedeng gawin ng pamilya niya kapag hindi ko napa-kulong si Kitty.

Fuck this fucking life.

Nang maka-uwi ako, huminto ako sa harap ng pintuan at huminga nang malalim. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang aabutan ko. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mood ni Cha…

Pero pagod talaga ako..

Gusto ko lang siyang yakapin at matulog.

“Cha…” pagtawag ko sa kanya nang maka-pasok ako sa apartment. “I’ve had a long day… Pwedeng payakap muna bago mo ako sigawan?”

Hindi siya gumalaw. Lumapit ako sa kanya at niyakap siya. I immediately relaxed… It’s amazing how someone could be your home.

“Why?” tanong niya pagkalipas ng ilang segundo.

“I had to,” sagot ko.

“No, you didn’t have to. You could’ve inhibited yourself.”

“Cha—”

“She’s your friend, Iñigo. You saw her earlier. You saw how devastated she was when she saw you.”

Alam ko.

Nakita ko.

Iniwasan ko.

Pero ano’ng magagawa ko? Siya o si Kitty? May iba pa ba akong pwedeng isagot? Alam ko selfish… pero kailangan kong mamili… At siya iyong pipiliin ko paulit-ulit. Magalit man si Kitty, si Jax, lahat ng kaibigan namin—wala akong pakielam. Si Cha at anak namin ang priority ko.

Uunahin ko ’yung pamilya ko bago silang lahat.

Oo, abogado ako… pero putangina, buhay ko si Cha.

“I had to. That’s my only answer.”

“She’s your friend—”

“She’s my friend and you’re my family, Cha. I chose you and if I had to make a choice again, I’ll still fucking choose you, okay? ’Wag na nating pag-usapan ’to kasi tapos na. Nagawa ko na. Tinanggap ko na ’yung kaso,” mabilis kong sabi bago iniwan siya at pumasok sa kwarto para magpalit ng damit.

“Iñigo,” mabilis niyang tawag nang sumunod siya sa akin. “Iñigo, kinaka-usap kita.”

Ayoko sanang makipag-usap.

Ayokong makipagtalo.

Gusto ko lang yakapin siya kasi kailangan kong magpahinga dahil may bukas na naman.

“Cha…”

“Ipasa mo sa iba.”

“I can’t.”

“You can’t or you won’t?”

I looked at her. She’s so fucking stubborn… And that’s what makes her the woman whom I love—the mother of my child… And if I had to lose every fucking integrity and dignity I had in my body just to protect her, then to fucking hell with it.

“Just… just be angry at me, okay? Mas kaya kong tanggapin ’yun,” sabi ko sa kanya. Nakita ko na napa-hawak siya sa tiyan niya, na para bang humihingi siya ng tawad sa anak namin na ganito ako.

Tangina.

Ang sakit naman nun.

Pero wala na kong paki. Basta ayos silang dalawa, kahit ako na kontrabida sa lahat ng tao. Ako na ’yung kaibigan ni Kitty na tumraydor sa kanya. Sige na. Sanay naman ako. Basta ayos si Cha, sige na.

“Cha, I’m sorry,” mahinang sabi ko. “Alam ko magagalit ka… Alam ko madi-disappoint ka… Pero mas kaya ko ’yung tanggapin kaysa may kung ano’ng mangyari sa ’yo… sa anak natin…”

Huminga ako nang malalim. Ayokong umiyak. Ayokong umiyak sa harap niya. Marami pang mangyayari. Kailangan kong umayos.

“What did they tell you?”

“That they know where we live,” mahinang sagot ko.

“I can handle myself. I know what I got myself into. It’s part of the job,” she said… ever so stubbornly.

“Alam ko,” sagot ko. “Kaya nga tinanggihan ko nung una. Dahil alam kong kaya mo. Dahil alam kong ito mismo ’yung sasabihin mo… Pero, Cha, magkaka-anak na tayo. Hindi na lang ikaw ’yan. Dalawa na kayo.”

Hindi siya maka-sagot.

“Naiintindihan mo ba ako, Cha?”

Lumapit ako sa kanya.

“Nawalan na ko ng pamilya dati, Cha… Sorry pero hindi na ako papayag na mawala ulit ’yun… Wala na akong pakielam kahit magalit silang lahat sa ’kin… kahit magalit ka sa ’kin… Basta gagawin ko lahat para walang mangyari sa inyong dalawa…”

Nakita ko kung paano tumulo iyong luha sa mga mata niya. Gusto kong humingi ng sorry kasi na-disappoint ko na naman siya… Gusto kong humingi ng sorry sa lahat ng gagawin ko…

“I’m sorry…” paulit-ulit kong sabi sa kanya.

Nang mahiga kami sa kama, ramdam ko iyong pag-iyak niya. She wasn’t saying a word, but it hurt me nonetheless. Agad akong tumayo at nahiga sa sofa. Pilit akong natulog dahil marami pa akong kailangang gawin…

Alam kong magaling si Jax…

Pero mas desperado ako.

Siguro.

Hindi ko alam kung hanggang saan ang kaya kong gawin kapag kasama na si Cha sa usapan.

“Okay lang ako rito,” sabi ko nang lumabas si Cha mula sa kwarto. Naghahanda na akong matulog sa sofa. Hindi ko kasi alam kung gusto niyang katabi ako kaya sa sofa muna ako natutulog ng ilang araw.

“Sa kwarto ka,” sabi niya.

“Okay naman dito,” sagot ko. I smiled at her. “Malambot naman ’yung sofa.”

Cha sat down beside me. She held my hand. Walang nagsalita ng ilang segundo.

“I hate this,” she said.

“I hate this, too,” I quietly replied.

Tumingin siya sa akin. “Tulog na tayo?”

“Cha—”

“Kung ayaw mo sa kwarto, dito na lang tayo sa sofang dalawa,” she said. Hindi ako nagsalita. “The Ramirez family already destroyed Katherine’s life… Let’s not be part of the casualty… okay?” she said, holding my cheek and looking straight into my eyes.

“This will all come to an end,” she told me like she was assuring me.

“The only end I care about is the one where you’re safe,” I told her.

She gave me a small smile and kissed me. “I promise…” she told me… But with her, I wasn’t willing to risk it.

I needed to fucking win the case…

Jax better do his fucking best.

Pagdating ko sa opisina, nakita ko na naka-baba na naman iyong blinds. Huminga ako nang malalim bago nagsimulang maglakad papunta sa opisina ko. At tama nga ako… Nandun si Congressman pati isang babae.

“Good morning,” bati ni Congressman sa akin. Tipid akong tumango. ’Di ko kailangang magpanggap sa harap niya dahil alam niya na labag sa loob ko ang ginagawa ko.

I didn’t even think that Kitty was capable of killing anyone…

Napa-tingin ako sa babae sa tabi niya.

“Introduce yourself,” sabi ni Congressman sa babae.

Hinawakan nung babae iyong kamay niya. Tumingin sa akin. Halata agad na napilitan lang din siya… kagaya ko.

Minsan… minsan tangina talaga ng pera. Wala kang magawa dahil wala kang laban.

“Sir…” pagsisimula nung babae. “Ako po si Jessa… Kasambahay po nila Ma’am Katherine at Sir Kier…”

Agad na kumunot ang noo ko.

“She’ll testify na madalas nag-aaway sina Kier at Katherine. That should be motive enough,” Congressman said.

I pressed my lips and drew deep breaths. “With all due respect—”

“Your only choice is to win this case, Prosecutor,” he said, cutting me off. “You don’t want me as your enemy,” he continued before leaving my office.

Naiwan kaming dalawa ni Jessa na naka-tingin sa isa’t-isa. She looked so scared… like she’d rather be anywhere but here.

“Totoo ba ’yun?” tanong ko.

“Alin po?”

“Na nag-aaway sina Kier at Katherine?”

Tipid siyang tumango. “Opo, Sir…” sagot niya. Nanatili lang akong naka-tingin sa kanya, naghihintay na dugtungan niya iyong sinabi niya. Ayokong mandaya sa kaso… but I needed to make sure that everything would be in favor of my case.

Wala na akong pakielam. Putangina nilang lahat.

“Madalas po talaga silang nag-aaway tapos madalas ko pong naririnig na pinag-aawayan po nila ’yung Jax ang pangalan…”

Fuck.

Para akong masusuka nang matapos iyong pag-uusap namin ni Jessa. She described in great detail everything that transpired in the Ramirez household—kung gaano ka-demonyo si Kier tuwing sinasaktan niya si Kitty.

Hindi… hindi ko alam kung paano niya nagawa ’yun kay Kitty… Kasi kung mahal mo ’yung tao, hindi mo sasaktan… Kasi ako kahit gaano ako magalit kay Cha, kahit isang beses hindi ko naisip na pagbuhatan siya ng kamay.

Kasi nga mahal ko.

Bakit mo sasaktan kung mahal mo?

Agad akong pumunta sa rooftop ng opisina at nagsigarilyo. Nangako na ako kay Cha noon na hindi na ako magyoyosi… Pero hindi ko mapigilan dahil sa lahat ng nangyayari sa trabaho… Pakiramdam ko kapag natapos ’to, matatapos na rin ako sa dami ng problema.

Nang tawagan ako ni Cha para ipaalala na may check-up kami para sa baby namin, doon lang gumaan kahit papaano iyong pakiramdam ko. Doon ko lang naalala ulit kung bakit ako pumayag na ganito.

Para sa pamilya ko.

Para sa anak namin.

Bumaba ako sa opisina at nagpalit ng damit, naghilamos, nagtoothbrush, at nagpaligo ng pabango para hindi ako maamoy ni Cha.

Nang makita niya ako, agad na kumunot ang noo niya. “What’s your problem?” she asked.

“Ready na ba kayo bukas?” tanong ko sa kanya. Maraming dinala sa akin na witness ang mga Ramirez… Alam ko na magaling si Jax, pero kahit ano’ng galing niya, wala siyang magagawa kung lahat ng ebidensya ay naka-turo kay Kitty.

Pareho lang kaming desperado… Ang kaibahan lang, may Ramirez na tumutulong sa akin para matalo sila.

“Yeah,” she replied, but she didn’t sound so confident.

“Okay…” tahimik na sabi ko. I wished they’d prepare more. I was almost certain that this was already a finished case for me. Naka-latag na lahat ng ebidensya. Kitty’s already good as convicted.

“Bakit?” tanong niya, pero ayokong sumagot. I didn’t want to dishearten their case… They needed to fight until there’s a reason to fight. Hanggang hindi pa natatapos iyong hearing, pwede pa nilang ilaban.

Umiling ako. “Sana matapos na ’to,” sagot ko bago magsimulang magdrive pauwi.

Maaga akong umalis sa bahay dahil kailangan ko pang ayusin lahat bago ako dumiretso sa unang araw ng hearing. Kinausap na naman ako nila Prosec Garcia at ni Mrs. Ramirez bago ako naka-diretso sa korte.

Bago ako pumasok ay huminto muna ako at sumandal sa pader. Ipinikit ko iyong mga mata ko at huminga nang malalim.

Shit.

Ayokong makita si Kitty.

Alam ko kailangan kong protektahan iyong mag-ina ko… pero hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko ba na sabihin lahat ng sasabihin ko sa harap ni Katherine.

Gusto kong masuka sa kaba.

Huminga muli ako nang malalim bago ko binukas iyong mga mata ko… at sakto na nakita ko si Cha. Agad na gumaan ang pakiramdam ko. I really needed this… I really needed to see her because she’s the sole reason why I was doing this.

“Cha,” tawag ko sa pangalan niya.

“May the truth win in court,” she said.

“What wins in the court becomes the truth,” I told her.

I’d done this a couple of times already. There’s the prosecution, the defense, and the truth—and the truth is what wins in court.

That’s just how the system works.

Kahit gaano ka pa ka-inosente, kung hindi mananalo ang abogado mo, wala pa ring kwenta.

It’s the system and sometimes, it sucks.

“You’re right,” she replied.

Tinignan ko siya. I wanted to get closer and hold her, pero nasa korte kami kaya naman pinagbigyan ko na lang ang sarili ko na tumingin sa kanya.

“I never thought na sa ganitong paraan tayo magkikita sa korte. I always thought we’d be on the same side,” sabi ko.

“That’s life for you, prosecutor,” she replied.

“You’re right, attorney,” I said. “Pagkatapos nito, punta tayong mall para bumili ng gamit ni baby? I need to unwind.”

“Okay. But no pink, please,” she said like she’s allergic.

I laughed. “Pero ’wag puro white,” I said. “Bibili na ba tayo ng crib o masyado pang maaga? Also, gusto mo tumingin na tayo ng lupa sa subdivision tapos ipon na tayo para magpa-tayo ng bahay?”

“Pwede naman… pero ayoko sa Metro Manila tumira.”

We were making plans for the future—for the future that I was fighting for. Siguro nga selfish… pero ano’ng magagawa ko? Mahal ko si Cha. Kaya kong gawin lahat, kahit ano para sa kanya.

I just needed Jax to do his job.

Pareho lang naman kaming naipit dito.

“See you inside, prosecutor,” sabi niya sa akin nang makita namin si Judge Marquez na papalapit na. He’s known to be a good and fair judge… Isa ’to sa dahilan kung bakit lagi akong binibisita ng mga Ramirez—dahil alam nila na iba si Judge Marquez sa mga judge na nababayaran nila… That’s why I needed to do everything to make sure that Kitty would be convicted.

Tahimik akong nakikinig sa bawat tanong ni Jax sa mga witness habang nagtatanong siya. I took down notes. He’s good… but I was desperate.

I did everything as planned. Tinanong ko iyong mga dapat itanong. Sumagot sila nang ayon sa plano. Walang kawala si Kitty… dahil wala namang suspect bukod sa kanya. If I were her lawyer, the first thing I’d do was to point the blame on someone else. Pero walang CCTV. Walang ibang tao. Siya lang ang nandun.

Jax was losing this case and he knew it.

Nang magrecess, mabilis akong naglakad para walang kumausap sa akin. I didn’t need the Ramirez family breathing on my neck every chance they got. Hell, I didn’t even want them and Cha in the same room! Kasi alam ko kung gaano sila ka-demonyo. Ang daming abogado na napatay dahil sa kanila. Tangina kahit ipalabas pa sa TV na aksidente lahat, alam namin na mga Ramirez ang may gawa nun.

Kasi ganon sila—you go against them and you sign your death sentence… Kaya takot ako sa kung ano ang pwede nilang gawin kay Cha.

“Court hearing for the case of People v Ramirez resumes,” announced the clerk.

Huminga ako nang malalim.

“We request the accused on the stand,” sabi ko habang naka-tayo. Naka-tingin lang ako sa harap habang hinihintay si Kitty na umupo. I kept on reminding myself of Cha and our baby.

“Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”

“I do,” sagot niya habang ramdam na ramdam ko ang tingin niya sa akin. Saglit akong napa-tingin sa kanya at hiniling ko na sana hindi na lang ako tumingin—kasi kitang-kita ko iyong paninisi sa mga mata niya. Na bakit ko ginagawa ’to; na bakit sa lahat ng tao, ako?

Hindi ko rin naman gusto…

Sana hindi siya magalit… kasi alam niya sa sarili niya kung ano ang kayang gawin ng pamilyang pinakasalan niya.

“State your name,” I began.

Kita ko kung gaano kalalim iyong hinugot niyang hininga. It seemed like she was trying to calm herself down—opposite of her demeanor all throughout the trial.

Nang una ko ulit siyang makita, parang nawala iyong Kitty na nakilala ko noon… She looked like… she’s just existing. Pero iba na ngayon. Parang bigla siyang nagkaroon ulit ng dahilan para lumaban.

“Katherine Tyrese Arellano-Ramirez,” sagot niya.

“You had been married to the deceased, Kieran Ramirez, is that right?” I asked.

She nodded. “That is right.”

“For two years?”

She nodded again. “Two years, four months, and seven days. If you can tell me the time, I will give you the exact hours, as well,” she stubbornly replied. I couldn’t help but look proud… as this reminded me of our law school days… Kung paano niya ako barahin noon. Kasi ganito siya dati—hindi iyong tulalang babae na hindi alam kung ano ang nangyayari sa paligid niya.

“That’s not necessary, Mrs. Ramirez,” I said after I cleared my throat, reminding myself of the reason why I was here. “How will you describe your marriage with Kieran Ramirez?”

I braced myself for what I was about to hear… Kasi narinig ko na mula kay Jessa… Kung gaano ka-gago si Kier at ka-demonyo tuwing nalalasing siya at nagagalit kay Kitty.

“A normal marriage,” simple niyang sagot.

“Care to elaborate?” I pressed on.

“It was a normal marriage, Prosecutor Borromeo,” she repeated. “I answered your question.”

Good.

She’s fighting.

But I was desperate.

“Jessa, your house help, mentioned… marital disputes. Care to elaborate on that, Mrs. Ramirez?”

“I never hurt Kier,” she answered.

Shit.

Ano’ng never? Tangina, ’di ba ’to tinuruan ni Jax?! She’s been a fucking punching bag for at least 2 years tapos sasabihin niyang never? I got medical certificate to prove otherwise.

“Never is an absolute statement, Mrs. Ramirez,” I said… I needed to remind her that she married a fucking asshole and that he’s the reason why she’s in this position and she needed to think thrice before answering my question.

Because that’s the thing.

Every question is a quick sand… isang maling sagot mo lang, madali kang mailulubog.

“Can you tell us what’s inside?” I asked, handing over the envelope. I saw the content over and over again… Sinanay ko iyong sarili ko dahil alam ko na iba ang pakiramdam kapag kay Kitty ko mismo narinig.

“It’s a record of all my check-ups with Dr. Maniego,” sagot niya.

“About what?”

She looked at me… her eyes never left mine… like she was telling me to listen to the words she was about to say. “Broken arms, mostly… Once for a broken jaw… Twice for a broken nose…”

Shit.

Tangina.

Tangina mo, Kier.

Hindi agad ako nakapagsalita. Parang biglang pumasok sa isip ko lahat ng nangyari nang sabihin ni Kitty ’yun… Parang biglang naisip ko kung ano ang naramdaman niya nung nangyari ’yun…

Para akong masusuka.

Gusto ko ng matapos ’to.

“Those… injuries. Those are because you were trying to instigate a fight with your husband? That resulted to you injuring yourself? As stated by Jessa, your house help.”

“No,” she calmly responded. “I have no history of being violent, if that was what you were trying to imply, Prosecutor Borromeo.”

“Maybe before… but things must have changed when you married Kieran Ramirez, Mrs. Ramirez. If… If you weren’t violent like you are claiming, then who must have inflicted your injuries?”

“Objection,” Jax interjected.

“On what grounds?” Judge Marquez asked.

“Lay witness opinion, Your Honor.”

“Sustained,” Judge Marquez said.

I closed my eyes… and when I opened them, agad na si Kitty ang una kong nakita… She was looking at me like she’s hurting dahil sa lahat ng tao, bakit ako ang gumagawa nito?

Ayoko naman…

Masakit din sa ’kin ’to…

Nung nawala iyong mga magulang niya, ako iyong kasama niya… Apat na taon, palagi kaming magkasama… Akala niya ba madali sa ’kin? Oo, pinili ko si Cha… pero hindi ibig sabihin nun hindi ako nahihirapan sa mga nangyayari… Kasi kung pwede lang, hinding-hindi ko ’to gagawin… Kasi sinubukan ko namang ayawan… Pero damay na ’yung anak ko…

Ano’ng choice ba meron ako?

I looked at her again.

She looked… so defeated.

She lost her parents, si Jax, iyong anak niya… Lahat ng ginawa sa kanya ni Kier…

Kaya ba talaga ng konsensya ko na hayaan siyang makulong? Ganoon na ba akong klaseng tao?

Maliligtas ko nga ’yung mag-ina ko… pero sigurado ako na hinding-hindi ako matatahimik kapag nakulong si Katherine…

I closed my eyes and made the call.

“But, Your Honor—” I questioned the judge and I was quickly admonished for it.

Bahala na.

Putangina.

Nang matapos iyong session ay pina-tawag ako. Tahimik lang ako habang sinisigawan ako… Pero para akong mababaliw nang sabihin sa akin ni Mrs. Ramirez na mas mahirap kung bigla na lang mawawala si Cha… Na hindi ko alam kung ano ang nangyari sa kanya… Na wala akong bangkay na ililibing…

Kasi baka iyon daw ang mangyari kapag umulit ako.

“What the hell was that?” agad na tanong sa akin ni Cha nang magkita kami… Pero hindi ko alam kung paano sasabihin sa kanya iyong mga narinig ko… Kung gaano ako natakot nang sabihin sa akin na isang araw, baka bigla na lang silang mawala at hinding-hindi ko malalaman kung saan sila mapupunta at kung ano ang mangyayari sa kanila…

I just wanted to apologize.

Because for a second, I helped Katherine.

“Let’s go home, okay? I’ll drive,” sabi niya habang tahimik lang akong naka-upo sa passenger seat. Pero napa-tingin ako sa kanya… at biglang kinabahan nang maalala ko iyong sinabi sa ’kin.

“Cha, hindi ba pwede na magdagdag pa ng security sa ’yo?” tanong ko. “I’m sorry… I just…” I paused. Tangina,“ mahinang sabi ko. “I know I promised that I’ll take care of you pero… putangina… Nang marinig ko galing mismo sa kanya iyong mga ginawa sa kanya nung tanginang ’yun…”

Tumingin ako sa kanya.

Natatakot.

Kasi alam ko na pwede nilang gawin.

“I’m sorry, Cha.”

“It’s okay,” she told me… but I wasn’t okay. I felt like I was dying, too. Kasi kapag bigla siyang nawala, alam ko na hinding-hindi ako matatahimik kahit ano ang mangyari.

“No. Magagalit sila. Alam nila na sinadya ko ’yun,” sabi ko sa kanya. “Cha… please… bitawan mo na ’yung kaso… Tangina, ako na ’yung makaka-patay kapag may ginawa sila sa ’yo… Alam ko kaibigan mo si Jax… pero maawa ka naman sa ’kin… para na kong masisiraan ng ulo sa kaka-isip kung ano’ng mangyayari kapag may ginawa sila sa ’yo… Unahin mo naman ako… Kahit ngayon lang… Maawa ka naman… Hirap na hirap na ko…”

Ngayon lang ako humiling sa kanya.

Sa buong pagsasama namin, hinahayaan ko lang siya sa kung ano ang gusto niya kasi alam ko na kahit ano ang gawin ko, iyong gusto niya pa rin ’yung masusunod…

Pero sana kahit ngayon lang, masunod naman ako…

Kasi para sa amin naman ’yun…

“Today is the last day of trial for People v Ramirez. Closing arguments from the counsel,” Judge Marquez announced. “The prosecution,” pagtawag sa akin.

Huminga ako nang malalim bago nagsimula.

I needed to win this…

Kasi hindi nakinig si Cha…

Kahit minsan, hindi niya magawang makinig sa ’kin…

“Your Honor…” I started, holding my own hand to stop them from trembling dahil ramdam ko na naka-panood sa akin iyong buong pamilya ng mga Ramirez. “You heard the details of how Kieran Muller Ramirez’s life was ended on June 08, 2019 without legal justification, when the accused fatally stabbed him in the chest with a kitchen knife. The prosecution strongly stands with the belief, as supported by evidence and first-hand testimonies, that because of the death of her unborn child and her unhappy marriage with the deceased, the accused, feloniously planned the death of her husband. She convinced him to ditch his security details and to go to a secluded beach house in Batangas. There, waiting for him to be most unsuspecting, plunged a knife into his chest. She was able to kill him with just one stab—one fatal stab. The accused was proven to have taken lessons from a professional—just three months from the night of the accused’s deaths. Those incriminating evidence, together with the fact that there is no other person of interest for this case, just proves that the accused is guilty of parricide, and should be given the sentence of Reclusion Perpetua in its highest degree.”

Habang naka-upo ako, sinubukan kong makinig sa mga sinasabi ni Jax, pero hindi ko maialis sa isip ko si Cha… Sana nakinig siya sa akin at hindi na siya lumabas ng apartment.

Tapos naman na ’to…

Magbabakasyon kami.

Aalis muna kami.

Wala akong pakielam.

I’d take a leave and then come back when she already gives birth. I just needed her and our baby safe. Wala na akong pakielam sa iba. Bahala na sila.

While Jax was in the middle of his closing argument, naramdaman ko iyong cellphone ko. Kinuha ko iyon at binuksan…

And my whole world crashed when I read the text.

Epilogue (Part 4 of 4)

#CTGEpilogue (Part 4 of 4)

“Iñigo, you done?” tanong ni Yago sa ’kin kasi kaka-balik ko lang galing sa presinto kasi may inayos ako para sa mga Villamontes… Grabe talaga ’yung pamilya na ’yun. Pero ang laki din naman ng binabayad nila sa ’min.

“Alis na ba kayo? Sige, ako na lang magla-lock,” sagot ko sa kanila kasi may kailangan pa akong ayusin. Gusto ko kasi pag-uwi ko, wala na akong iisipin sa trabaho kasi gusto ko na na kay Cha at Lily lang ’yung atensyon ko.

Shit. Miss ko na mag-ina ko.

Nang matapos ko ’yung binabasa ko sa laptop, mag-aayos na sana ako pero nagulat ako dahil nandun pa pala sina Jax at Yago. Si Yago, nagcecellphone habang si Jax, natutulog sa may sofa. Nakaka-pagod din, e. Ang dami naming ginagawa araw-araw… Kailangan na namin ng dagdag na man-power bukod sa secretary.

’Di ko lang din alam kung kailan babalik si Cha sa trabaho kasi parang aliw na aliw siyang alagaan si Lily. ’Di ko nga mabuhat, e! Ang daya! Kasama niya na nga buong araw tapos kapag uuwi ako, tulog na! Tapos kapag minsan na naabutan kong gising, si Cha din bumubuhat. Tsk! Dapat talaga kambal anak namin para tig-isa kami.

“You done?” Yago asked nang mapansin niya ko.

Tumango ako. “Bakit nandito pa rin kayo?” tanong ko.

Sanay naman kasi ako na naiiwan ako sa opisina. Uwing-uwi kasi palagi sina Yago at Jax para uwian mga asawa nila tas alagaan ’yung mga anak nila. Ganon din naman ako kaya lang gusto ko ring tapusin trabaho dito tapos siguraduhin na maayos lahat. Aware naman ako na ako dahilan kung bakit nagsimula ’tong BGY Law Firm—they really risked their careers to go work here, so I really felt pressured. Kaya kailangan bago ako umuwi, maayos lahat dito.

“Kallie’s 10th month,” Jax replied.

Umawang ang labi. “Wala akong regalo.”

“It’s fine,” he replied. “She’s barely one. She doesn’t know anything,” he continued.

Sabay-sabay kaming naglakad palabas. Sobrang grabeng nanay si Kitty… Bawat buwan ni Kallie, may dinner o lunch sa bahay nila. Bale pang sampu na ’yung ngayon. Grabe din iyong binyag nila. Akala mo debut, e. Ibang-iba sa binyag ni Lily na bente lang yata kami.

Sumakay na ko sa sasakyan ko tapos tatawagan ko sana si Cha kaya lang nakita ko na may text siya na na kina Kitty na raw siya kaninag hapon pa. Ang ingay siguro ’dun! Tatlong baby na nag-iiyakan!

Binilisan kong magdrive kasi gusto ko ng makita mag-ina ko. Pagdating ko doon, narinig ko agad iyong tunog ng videoke dahil nagkakantahan ata sina Kitty at Rory. Asa naman ako na sumama si Cha ’dun. Never ko pa ngang nariing kumanta ’yun… Kahit sa pagligo, ’di kumakanta.

Kikilabutan talaga ako nang sobra kapag narinig kong kumanta si Cha. Iisipin ko na end of the world na.

“Hi,” sabi ko sabay halik sa pisngi ni Cha. Hahalikan ko na rin sana si Lily kaya lang hinarang ni Cha iyong kamay niya sa mukha ko.

“Toothbrush, alcohol, and change your clothes,” sabi niya.

Tsk.

Mabilis akong bumalik sa sasakyan at kinuha ’yung spare t-shirt at toothbrush ko. Pumunta ko sa CR at saka nagtanggal ng longsleeves at nagpalit ng white t-shirt. Nagtoothbrush din ako at naghilamos at naghugas nang mabuti ng kamay. Seryoso kasi ’yun si Cha na ’di ako papabuhatin sa anak namin na tumulong akong gawin!

Sperm donor lang ba ako?! Bakit ’di ako maka-buhat kay Lily?!

Pagbalik ko, naka-salubong ko si Jax na buhat si Kallie. Nakapagpalit na rin siya ng damit.

“Happy—” sabi ko tapos huminto kasi ’di ko maalala kung ilang buwan na ba si Kallie.

“10,” Jax replied.

“Happy 10th month, Kallie,” sabi ko sa baby niya tapos bumungisngis si Kallie. Tumawa naman si Jax nang makita ’yun. Manang-mana sa nanay niya, e. Sobrang ingay din talaga ni Kallie…

Nainggit ako kay Jax kasi lagi niyang buhat si Kallie samantalang pinagdadamutan ako ng asawa ko! Kailangan na yata namin ng anak ulit para may binubuhat naman ako! Unfair, e!

Nang makita ko si Cha, agad kong kinuha si Lily. Natutulog siya kaya hindi ako gumagalaw. Gusto kong gisingin para makulit ko kaya lang grabe naman ’to umiyak kapag nagising nang hindi kusa. May topak din yata gaya ng nanay niya. Sabi ko mukha lang ni Cha kunin, e! Pati ata ugali nakuha!

“Kunan mo kaming picture, Cha,” sabi ko tapos inabot ko ’yung phone. She rolled her eyes tapos tumayo at kinunan kami ng picture. Naka-pose kaming dalawa. Ang ganda talaga ng anak ko, e! Sayang kung nandito si Dylan sigurado ako ang gwapo din nun.

Dahil sa pagpose-pose ko, biglang nagising si Lily. Kukunin sana ni Cha pero umiling ako. Buong araw niya ng buhat, e! Kung pwede nga lang dalhin ’tong si Lily sa opisina talaga!

“Nagugutom siya,” Cha said.

“Akin na ’yung bote,” sagot ko dahil alam ko na nagpa-pump ng gatas si Cha dahil marami siyang supply. Isa ’yun sa mga favorite kong nangyari dahil ang laki ng boobs ni Cha ngayon. Ang weird nga lang, e… Ang liit at payat na babae, pero ang laki ng boobs. Sana ’di mawala.

Nang iabot sa akin ni Cha iyong bote, pina-inom ko na si Lily. Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya habang busy siyang dumede… Grabe… Akala ko mahal ko na si Cha… pero mas mahal ko yata si Lily. Iba, e. ’Di ko ma-explain.

Pero nang tumingin ako kay Cha, nag-iba na naman sagot ko. Mahal na mahal ko talaga ’tong babaeng ’to… Iba. Walang makaka-talo. Kahit siguro bigyan niya ako ng triplets, siya pa rin una sa listahan.

Sabi nung therapist ko kaya raw ako attracted sa mga masusungit kasi daw buong buhay ko, pakiramdam ko wala akong direksyon. Simula nung nawala mga magulang ko, biglang ’di na ako sigurado sa mga ginagawa ko… Na totoo naman. Pumasok lang ako sa law school dahil may pinapatunayan ako.

Kaya gusto ko iyong mga katulad ni Cha—iyong may kontrol sa buhay nila—iyong baka pwede ring magbigay ng direksyon sa buhay ko.

Kaya mahal na mahal ko si Cha kasi ’di niya ako iniwan nung alam ko na sobrang dali sa kanyang iwan ako… Na talagang tiniis niya ako noon nung alam niya na mali na ’yung pinupuntahan ko.

Siguro nga ma-pride siya…

Pero mahal ko talaga, e.

“Cha, babalik ka na ba sa work?” tanong ko.

“Di ko pa sigurado,” sagot niya.

“Gusto mo na bang magstay at home?” tanong ko ulit.

Akala ko kasi sandali lang siyang mag-aalaga kay Lily tapos kukuha na kami ng yaya para babalik na siya sa trabaho. Alam ko kasi na sobrang gusto ni Cha iyong trabaho niya kaya nag-expect ako na baka next month, babalik na siya sa work. Si Rory kasi naka-balik na sa trabaho. Si Kitty, ewan ko ’dun. Busy magplano ng birthday ni Kallie.

“Okay lang sa ’yo na ikaw lang magta-trabaho?” Cha asked.

I laughed. “Oo naman,” sagot ko. “Pero gusto mo ba?”

Kung anuman gusto niya, susuportahan ko siya. Kung gusto niyang bumalik sa trabaho, okay sa ’kin. Kung gusto niyang sa bahay na lang at alagaan ang anak namin, okay na okay din sa ’kin. Kung san siya masaya, doon kami ni Lily.

She pressed her lips and then looked at our daughter na grabeng uminom ng gatas. Tapos kusang tinanggal ni Lily iyong bote sa bibig niya at humikab. Mukhang lasing sa gatas ’yung anak namin, ah. Takaw!

I caught Cha smiling.

Si Lily lang nakakapagpa-ngiti kay Queen Elsa… Bakit nga ba ’di Anna pinangalan namin sa anak namin para may theme na ’yung pamilya namin?

“Siguro…” Cha replied, looking at me. “Babalik na lang ako sa trabaho kapag nasa nursery na si Lily… Okay lang ba?”

I leaned in and kissed her forehead.

“Whatever makes you happy, okay?” she asked.

“Talaga?”

I nodded. “Talaga.”

Tumayo din siya. “Akin na si Lily. Magbu-burp pa ’yan.”

I frowned. “Ako na. Marunong naman ako.”

Dahil sa sobrang panic namin ni Cha dahil first time namin, lahat ng baby class pinatulan namin nung buntis siya. Takot kasi si Cha dahil baka raw wala siyang maternal instinct… pero nung lumabas naman si Lily, nasobrahan ata! ’Di na pinapa-hawak sa ’kin, e!

Dahil nag-aagawan kami ni Cha kay Lily, nagagalaw ata kaya biglang sumuka si Lily. Cha glared at me.

“Yan kasi!”

“Pengeng damit, papalitan ko siya,” sagot ko.

“Ako na,” she replied. “Manghiram ka muna kay Jax ng shirt.”

Daya talaga! Kung pwede lang magleave sa trabaho para sa bahay din ako, e! Kaya lang baka atakihin sa puso si Jax dahil problemado na nga ’yung tao sa dami ng kasong hawak namin. Kailangan namin ng isang abogado pa talaga… Inaasahan namin na babalik na si Cha, pero mukhang kailangan ng bagong plano.

Pinahiram ako ni Jax ng t-shirt. Pagbaba ko, nandun na sa dining area silang lahat. Kinakantahan nila si Kallie ng happy birthday kahit wala pa talagang isang taon ’yung bata.

Grabeng nanay lang si Kitty talaga, e.

Kung si Cha, overprotective, si Kitty ay sobrang arte. Si Rory na iyong pinaka-normal sa kanila kasi rin siguro sobrang tahimik ni Laslo. Kung ano kinaingay ng magulang, iyong kinatahimik ng anak nila. Umiyak nga si Rory nung pinanganak si Laslo kasi ’di umiyak nung lumabas… Akala nila patay…

“Thank you po sa pagpunta,” Kitty said habang hawak niya si Kallie na may pink na headband. Kalbo kasi. Muntik na ngang manuntok si Kitty nung may nagtanong kung babae ba o lalaki si Kallie, e. Buti nandun din si Jax at napigilan niya ’yung asawa niya.

Dahil lagi talaga kaming nasa bahay nina Jax, may tatlong crib na naka-handa sa may dining area. Nandun ’yung mga anak namin habang busy kaming kumain. We couldn’t talk about work, so usually, mga kung anu-ano lang pinag-uusapan namin. Pero ngayon, nagpa-plano kami ng bakasyon.

“Maraming trabaho…” Jax said.

“Yago, help?” Kitty asked.

“Sorry,” Yago replied. “It’s true. Dami talagang ginagawa… Maybe next month?”

“Rory?” Kitty asked. “Kahit we’ll leave on Friday night and come back on Sunday afternoon. Let’s go to the beach.”

Napa-tingin kaming lahat kay Rory na iinom sana ng wine pero napa-hinto nang tumingin kami sa kanya.

“Bakit ako?” she asked, frowning.

“Please? Ang bilis lumaki ng mga baby! We need to make more memories instead na puro work lang,” Kitty said. “Parang last week lang, ang liit-liit pa ni Kallie! Tapos one year old na siya sa susunod!”

Pinipigilan ko matawa kasi parang iiyak na si Kitty.

Tumingin siya kay Jax at nagpout. Jax sighed. Wala na, talo na.

At dahil nga nauto na ni Kitty si Jax, mamayang madaling araw ay pupunta kami sa rest house nila Kitty sa Zambales para magbakasyon.

Nang matapos iyong dinner, umuwi na agad kami dahil kailangan pa naming mag-ayos ng gamit. Tahimik lang si Cha habang naka-upo.

“Ano’ng iniisip mo?” I asked.

“Maybe I should just go back to work?”

“Ha? Akala ko ayaw mo?”

“Ang dami niyong ginagawa… Ako nagconvince kina Jax na magtrabaho doon tapos iiwan ko kayo?”

When we reached the stoplight, tumingin ako sa kanya.

“The firm will be fine,” I told her.

“Kailangan niyo ng manpower.”

“Then we’ll hire a new lawyer,” I replied.

Hindi siya sumagot. Kita ko na iniisip niya talaga na bumalik na… Kapag ganitong nagkaka-gipitan, si Cha talaga ’yung tao na ’di ka iiwan. Kita naman nung nangyari iyong kay Kitty dati. ’Di talaga siya umalis kahit nagmakaawa ako.

Jax’s really lucky to have her.

“Let’s talk to Jax. I’m sure he’ll understand,” sabi ko kay Cha.

’Di ko alam kung bakit inis na inis ako kay Jax dati… Siguro dahil parehong si Kitty at Cha noon ay nagka-gusto sa kanya. ’Di ko maintindihan dati kung ano iyong nakita nila kay Jax dahil parang ang boring niya namang tao. Pero nung naka-trabaho ko na siya, doon ko na-realize na maling-mali pala ako. Sobrang deep niyang tao. Ang dami niya ring trivia. Gets ko na kung bakit patay na patay si Kitty sa kanya. Pati nga ibang clients namin, obvious na may crush sa kanya, e! Kaya loko si Kitty naglagay ba naman ng malaking frame na may family picture nila sa table ni Jax. Siraulo talaga.

“Saka si Kitty din naman parang ’di muna magpa-practice,” dugtong ko para hindi sumama iyong loob ni Cha na pinili niyang ’wag magtrabaho.

Kung gusto niyang maging lawyer, e ’di iyon. Kung gusto niyang maging housewife, e ’di iyon. Wala talagang problema sa akin.

“Stay at home,” I told her. “And if along the way naisip mong gusto mong bumalik sa trabaho, then kukuha tayo ng yaya ni Lily, okay?” I assured her. Gusto ko na alam niya na kung anuman ang plano niya, gagawan namin ng paraan.

“Okay…” she replied.

Pagdating namin sa bahay, pinalitan ko muna ng damit si Lily tapos pinatulog. Nang maka-tulog siya ay hinanap ko si Cha. Nakita ko siya sa garden at umiinom ng tsaa. I walked up to her and kissed the top of her head.

“Tulog na tayo,” I said. “Maaga pa tayo mamaya.”

“Kapag wala kayong nakitang gusto niyong lawyer, babalik ako sa trabaho,” sabi niya.

“Okay,” sagot ko.

“Hanap tayo ng maayos na yaya for Lily…” sabi niya. Humigpit iyong hawak niya sa mug. “Iwan na lang kaya natin kila Gracey?”

Naupo na rin ako sa tabi niya. Ramdam ko naman na ayaw talaga ni Cha na bumalik muna sa trabaho dahil ayaw niya talagang ipa-hawak sa iba iyong anak namin… Siguro dahil sa nangyari kay Dylan dati. Ayaw niyang may ibang bubuhat sa baby—minsan nga kahit ako ayaw niya, e.

I let her vent.

At the end of the day, masusunod pa rin kung ano ang gusto niyang mangyari. Naka-suporta lang naman ako.

“Tulog na tayo?” I asked when she stood up.

She looked at me and nodded. Lumapit siya sa akin at niyakap ako. I hugged her tighter. “I just want to be with Lily all day…” she whispered.

Maybe I’d talk to Jax.

Nang maka-rating kami sa rest house nila Kitty ay may naka-ready na na grocery. Naka-suot ng cute na bathing suit si Kallie at Lily at trunks si Laslo tapos hiniga sila sa may sapin sa may buhangin at kung anu-anong picture kinukuha. ’Tong mga nanay na ’to laging pinagti-tripan ’yung mga baby.

Si Jax at Yago, inaayos ’yung ihawan habang inaayos ko ’yung marinated pork na iihaw namin mamaya. Buti na lang nag-offer si Cha na siya magmamaneho dahil inaantok talaga ako. Lagi akong puyat sa trabaho, e.

Nang matapos kaming magluto, nagsimula na kaming kumain. Wala kaming kasamang yaya kaya naman pinauna naming kumain iyong mga babae habang buhat naming tatlo iyong mga anak namin. Naka-tayo kami doon sa ilalim ng puno para ’di mainit.

“Saw Prosec Garcia yesterday,” Jax said.

“Oh? Kamusta na siya?”

Tagal ko na ring ’di sila nakaka-usap… Ang huli naming usap ay iyong nagpass ako ng resignation dahil sa pagrerecommend ko ng dismissal sa kaso ni Kitty. Ano pa’ng gagawin ko? Pinahamak nila si Cha… At nahanap naman na iyong totoong gumawa… Pero iyong mga Ramirez, gusto pa ring makitang makulong si Kitty. Hindi ko talaga sila maintindihan.

“Tinatanong ka,” Jax said.

“Bakit daw?”

He shrugged. “Baka pinapa-balik ka sa prosec,” he said. “Gusto mo ba?” tanong niya.

Niyakap ko nang mahigpit si Lily. Dati, oo gustung-gusto ko talagang maging prosecutor kasi iba iyong fulfillment na dala niya… Pero ngayon? Iba na ’yung goal ko sa buhay. Gusto ko na lang magtrabaho at magprovide sa pamilya ko. Gusto ko lang na magawa ni Cha iyong gusto niya. Gusto ko lang na safe palagi si Lily.

Mas okay na ako sa trabaho ko ngayon kasi pareho kami nila Jax at Yago ng gusto—gusto lang naming magtrabaho at umuwi sa pamilya namin pagka-tapos ng oras ng trabaho… Boring siguro sa iba, pero iyon iyong nagpapasaya sa ’min.

“Hindi,” sagot ko.

“Di talaga,” Yago interjected. “It’s BGY Law Firm. We should stick together.”

Natawa ako.

Sabi nila, law is a jealous mistress… pero pagdating kay Jax, Yago is a jealous mistress… Naalala ko noon na sobrang parang tanga si Yago na naka-simangot. Nagtataka ako kung bakit. Tapos biglang napansin ko na nagpapapansin siya kay Jax palagi. Sobrang walang kwenta ng tanong niya minsan. Gusto ko lang guluhin si Jax talaga. Nagseselos ata kasi naging close kami ni Jax… Wala, e. Kami laging nagkikita sa presinto kapag may inaayos. Tapos nung umalis si Cha, kay Jax ako binilin kaya nagkaka-usap kami madalas dati. Muntik na ata akong suntukin ni Yago nun nung akala nila ako ’yung Best Man ni Jax—e groom’s man lang naman ako.

“Kailan babalik si Cha?” Jax asked. “May isa kasing client na kakausapin ako.”

Biglang umiyak si Laslo kaya napa-punta agad si Yago kay Rory. “Wait, babalik ako!” sabi ni Yago. Clingy talaga.

“May iba ka bang prospect na lawyer?” I asked.

“Why?”

Tumingin ako kay Cha na mukhang nakikinig sa kung anumang kadaldalan ang sinasabi sa kanya ni Kitty.

“Gusto muna ni Cha sana na magstay sa bahay… pero kung ’di daw kaya, babalik naman siya sa trabaho,” sabi ko.

“Oh…” Jax said. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

He simply nodded—na parang ganoon lang kadali ’yun. Tapos biglang naka-kunot na naman ang noo niya kasi malamang naghanap na siya ng solusyon. Ganyan ’yan, e. Kapag may problema, umu-oo agad siya tapos kapag siya na lang, saka mamomroblema sa kung ano gagawin niya.

“What’s happening?” Yago asked pagbalik niya. “Did I miss anything?”

“You were gone for not more than a minute,” Jax replied.

“Well, a lot can happen in a minute!” Yago replied. “So, what’s up?”

Kaysa umarte si Yago, sinabi ko na lang sa kanya iyong sinabi ko kay Jax.

“I think I have a prospect,” Yago said.

“Sino?”

“Secret.” Jax and I shrugged. “Pilitin niyo ko.”

Arte.

Gets ko na kung bakit laging napapa-irap si Cha sa kanya…

“Okay lang ba kung babae?” Yago asked.

“Sure,” sagot ko.

“Ikaw, Jax? Okay lang kay Kitty? Kasi baka next time, family painting niyo naman isabit sa dingding ng office.”

’Di ko napigilan na tumawa kasi nakakatawa talaga nung pumunta si Kitty sa office at naglabas ng picture frame at nilagay sa table ni Jax. ’Di ko napigilan tawa nun, e. Si Jax parang hindi alam gagawin. Ang selosa ni Kitty kahit kailan. Wala namang ginagawa si Jax. Kasama ko halos buong araw ’yun, e. Sobrang professional ka-trabaho. Kaya lang talagang habulin ng babae si Jax… Kahit wala siyang gawin, for some reason, babae talaga lumalapit sa kanya… Pero wala rin siyang pakielam…

I conclude na iyon ang dahilan kung bakit maraming may gusto sa kanya—dahil wala siyang pakielam.

“Gago,” sabi ni Jax. Natawa ako.

“I seriously feel like susunod, magkaka-nursery na sa office then doon tatambay si Kitty para if may magcoconsult kay Jax na babae, lalabas si Kitty kasama iyong anak niyo para ipakita sa mga babae na may anak ka na.”

Jax looked like he’d drown Yago in the beach.

Dahil sa sobrang ingay ni Yago, umiyak si Lily kaya naman lumapit ako sa table para ibigay siya kay Cha.

“Bakit naka-kunot noo ni Jax?” Kitty asked.

“Lapitan mo na; feel ko masusuntok niya na si Yago.”

Kitty groaned. “Yago!” sabi niya bago naglakad papunta kina Jax.

Cha shook her head while I laughed nang makita kong naka-pamewang si Kitty at tumatawa si Yago. Cha looked at Rory and said, “Collect your husband.”

Rory waived her hand. “Bayaan mo sila.”

Tawa ako nang tawa habang pinapanood si Yago na bwisitin si Kitty. Tapos napa-tingin ako kay Cha na pinapa-tulog ang anak namin. When she caught me looking at her, she asked me what was wrong. I shook my head and smiled.

“Thank you,” I told her.

“For what?”

“For this…” I said. For giving me Lily… For introducing me to her friends who treat me like family… I’d forever be grateful… “I love you, Mrs. Borromeo,” I whispered against her lips—the lips of the woman whom I let control my life.

Special Chapter

Hi! This is a special chapter I wrote in collaboration with Wattpad and Kumu. This is the special chapter of the story Control The Game, fourth book in the Game Series. If you haven’t read that yet, I suggest you read that first before reading this. Thank you and enjoy the story! :-)

#CTGSpecialChapter

I woke up earlier than my alarm. I quickly stopped the alarm because I didn’t want to wake Iñigo up. 11PM na siyang naka-uwi kagabi dahil nag-overtime siya sa lecture niya sa class niya for BAR examinees. He wanted to finish the syllabus last night para wala ng pasok sa susunod na linggo. That’s always been his rule—no review class a week before the exam. He told me that back when he was studying, that was his biggest problem—studying for recit whilst reviewing for exams. He wanted to do it differently.

“Cha…” he said when I attempted to get out of the bed.

I looked at him. The while sheet was covering his torso habang naka-dapa siya sa kama. Tinagilid niya iyong ulo niya para tumingin sa akin. Mapungay pa iyong mga mata niya dahil sa antok.

“I’ll prepare the breakfast,” I said. It was just a simple breakfast, anyway. Hindi naman mapili iyong mga anak namin—or maybe because wala rin naman silang choice. If they wanted something, they could always eat out with their friends.

“Okay, wait lang.”

“Tulog ka muna.”

“No, Sunday ngayon.”

“Speaking of Sunday,” I said as I stood up and grabbed the robe and wore it. “Naalala mo ba na ngayon iyong sa Alumni Homecoming?” I asked him.

He nodded. I just wanted to remind him even though I knew that Iñigo’s always on top of things. Ever since he became a lower court judge, mas lalo siyang naging mabusisi sa oras niya. Gusto niya na natatapos on time lahat ng naka-second sa dock na kaso. He said that he didn’t want all those people to go through all the trouble ng pagpunta sa korte tapos ay wala silang mapapala. Karamihan sa mga iyon ay nagbabayad ng per appearance sa abogado nila kaya kailangan matapos lahat ng naka-schedule.

He’s also very strict when it came to re-scheduling. Kung hindi matter of life and death iyong dahilan ng request, the motion would most likely be denied. He’s built a reputation around it already kaya bihira na iyong humi-hingi ng postponement.

I was very proud of the person he’d become.

“Bakit ganyan ka maka-tingin?” he asked, laughing as he sat on the bed and he ran his fingers through his hair. “Gusto mo ng bagong baby?”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “My tubes are tied.”

“E ’di untie?”

Hindi ko na siya pinansin at tinawanan niya lang ako. Lumabas na ako sa kwarto namin. Naka-salubong ko si Lily na papunta na rin sa kusina.

“What time kami pupunta kila Tito Niko?” she asked.

“Niko?”

She nodded. “Yeah… Today’s your alumni homecoming, right?”

“Yes… how did you know?”

“Family calendar?”

“Oh…” I said. We have a family calendar. We’re a busy family. We just wanted to be updated sa kung ano ang meron sa bawat isa. We also built a system with colors para alam namin kung saang okasyon kailangan na nandoon kami. Hindi dahil busy kami ay magiging dahilan na iyon para hindi kami umattend sa mga importanteng bagay.

“But why Niko?” I asked.

Lily shrugged. “Saff said we’ll be going kina Tito Niko?”

“Saff?” I asked Saff na kaka-labas lang sa kwarto niya. It was just a few minutes after 7AM pero naka-pag exercise na siya at bagong ligo na. I… didn’t understand her.

“Present,” she said.

“Why did your sister tell me that you’ll be going to Niko’s?”

She shrugged. “Heard from the vines,” she replied. Kumunot ang noo ko. “GC,” she added. “Kyler said na doon daw sila din.”

“Okay… Ayaw niyo ba kina Gracey?”

“I love Tita Gracey but Tito Niko’s fun! And Tita Jersey!” she said.

Dumating na rin si Sage na mukhang hindi pa natutulog. “Will we go to Tito Niko’s after breakfast?”

Bakit ba gusto na nilang pumunta roon? The homecoming would start at 6PM. It was Sunday and we’re supposed to have lunch together dahil hindi nangyayari iyon kapag weekdays.

“Gusto niyo bang dumiretso kila Niko?” tanong ko sa kanila.

Lily looked at Saff. Saff shrugged and got her phone from the pocket of her shorts. “I’ll just ask the gc if what time tayo pupunta,” she said and then walked while she was on her phone. One of these days, sigurado ako na tatama na siya sa poste sa ginagawa niya.

“What’s with Niko’s house?” I asked Iñigo. Tabi kaming naka-tayo habang si Lily na iyong nagsimulang magprepare ng breakfast namin. When they were younger, mayroon kaming tatlong kasama sa bahay. As much as I wanted to do it all alone, I couldn’t. Raising a kid was challenge enough—nung dumating iyong kambal ay mas nahirapan ako. But when they grew older, isa na lang iyong natira, si Siren. We just needed someone who would make sure that the house was in order… Kapag kasi hindi ay nagiging parang gubat iyong bahay sa sobrang gulo ni Saff. Sobrang linis niya sa katawan, but it was the opposite with her things. Kahit si Lily ay sumuko na sa kanya. It was only Sage who could get past all the mess. Kami ni Iñigo? Hindi na kami nakikielam. It would be a whole issue of us trying to ‘control’ her.

I never thought I’d say this… pero iba na ang kabataan ngayon.

“I think… Niko’s the fun uncle.”

“Obviously,” I replied. “Do you think mayroon silang ginagawang kalokohan doon?” I asked because why were they so… excited to go there?

“Sa tingin mo?” Iñigo asked, looking at me.

“I don’t know…” sagot ko tapos ay sabay kaming tumingin sa mga bata. Si Lily ay nag-aayos na ng iluluto niyang pancake habang si Saff ay nasa cellphone niya at tumatawa. Si Sage naman ay natutulog ulit habang naka-sandal iyong ulo sa may kitchen counter.

Inakbayan ako ni Iñigo.

“Isipin mo, ginawa natin ’yang tatlo na ’yan?” he whispered… but apparently, it was not whisper enough dahil napa-tingin sa amin si Saffron at sumimangot.

“Ew,” she said with disgust written all over her face. “Please do not discuss how you two procreated—please do not traumatize us.”

Iñigo just laughed tapos ay lumapit na siya at tinulungan si Lily dahil kung hindi ay si Lily na naman ang magluluto ng buong breakfast namin. Normally, si Siren ang gumagawa nito but it’s Sunday and it’s her free day.

“Bakit? Grabe naman. Alam mo ba na kayong dalawa ay nabuo sa—”

“Oh, my gosh! Dad!” sabi ni Saffron na naka-bukas nang malaki iyong mga mata habang si Sage ay natutulog pa rin. Bakit hindi siya sa kama niya matulog?

Iñigo was just laughing. Ako na iyong tumulong kay Lily sa pagluluto habang inaasar lang ni Iñigo si Saffron. After a while, we finished with our breakfast. Dahil natulog lang si Sage ay siya iyong naghanda ng lamesa.

We had our breakfast. We talked about random things. This was our Sundays. I like it exactly like that.

After breakfast ay nagsabi sina Saffron na pupunta na sila kila Niko.

“Bakit may dala kayong bag?” I asked dahil susunduin din naman sila after ng homecoming.

Saffron shrugged. “Just to be safe.”

“We will pick you up after,” I said.

“Or… Tito Niko can just drop us off here. Or Grab.”

“Sunduin namin kayo,” Iñigo said and after that, hindi na nagsabi pa si Saffron. She knew how her dad could be when it came to safety. Ever since naging lower court judge siya ay mas naging strict na siya. Naiintindihan naman naming lahat. It’s part of the job. It just came with the territory. And before Iñigo accepted the nomination, he talked to us first because he knew that if he gets appointed, lahat kami ay maaapektuhan.

Being a lawyer is dangerous enough… more so when you’re a lawyer in the Philippines.

Pagdating namin sa condo nila Niko ay bumaba rin kami. We’re just suspicious. Bakit parang masyado silang excited na pumunta rito?

“Parang wala naman,” Iñigo said habang naunang maglakad iyong tatlo sa amin.

“Or they’re just good at hiding.”

“Ano namang gagawin nila kila Niko?”

I shrugged. “Who knows?” I asked.

“Grabe, wala ka bang tiwala sa mga anak natin?” natatawa na sabi ni Iñigo.

“I just know how teens could be.”

“Bakit? Naging rebeldeng teenager ka ba, Cha?” he asked, his brow arched.

“No,” I said. “But remember what you did to me when I was supposed to be quietly studying?”

He faked a shock. “Excuse me—ginusto mo rin iyon.”

“That’s not how I remember it,” I said.

“Ikaw kaya nanghatak sa akin sa auditorium—” sabi niya at napa-tigil kami nang mapansin namin na naka-tingin na sa amin iyong tatlong bata. Iñigo laughed dahil sa itsura nila ay para bang masusuka sila sa mga narinig nila.

Tinawanan lang sila ni Iñigo tapos ay pumasok na kami sa elevator. Pagdating namin sa penthouse ay ingay ang agad na sumalubong sa amin. Nakita namin na nandoon na sina Kyler, Kylo, Kallie, Laslo, at Lucho.

“Si Lucille?” Iñigo asked Lucho.

“I think with Tita Je,” he replied.

“They went out to get food,” Kallie replied, and then looked at us. “Hi, Tito and Tita!” she said and then kissed both our cheeks. Ganito siyang bumati sa kahit kanino na kilala niya.

Naka-set up na iyong gaming consoles nila sa harap ng TV. Lumapit kami kay Niko na naka-upo lang sa kitchen stool.

“Dito lang sila buong gabi?” Iñigo asked.

Niko laughed. “Yes, of course. Why?”

Iñigo shrugged. “Wala… weird kasi parang excited pumunta rito.”

Niko sipped his coffee. “Because I’m the fun uncle!” he said.

“Fun din ako,” sabi ni Iñigo.

Niko laughed. “No offense, Judge, but I really think I’m the fun uncle.”

Umalis na ako dahil alam ko na pagtatalunan na naman nila iyon. Mabuti na lang at wala si Yago rito dahil sigurado ako na sasali rin siya.

I just looked around. Everything seemed normal. Pagbalik ni Jersey ay kasama niya nga si Lucille. We just said hi tapos ay umalis na rin kami. Pagbalik namin sa bahay ay nakaka-panibago dahil masyadong tahimik.

“Cha,” Iñigo said.

“Hmm?”

“In a few years aalis na rin iyong mga bata. Parang ang lungkot kapag tahimik masyado. Ang daldal kasi niyang si Saffron ’di mo alam kung saan nagmana.”

I looked at him, my brow arched. “Are you serious?”

“Grabe ka! Sinasabi mo ba na sa akin siya nagmana?”

“Mukha bang sa akin?”

“Kamukha mo kaya!”

“We were talking about her being talkative.”

“Baka recessive genes,” sabi niya tapos umiling lang ako bago niya inamin na sa kanya nagmana si Saffron.

Dahil wala iyong mga bata, Iñigo and I decided to just have food delivered. Habang naghihintay kami ay nandoon lang kami sa may garden. We were drinking our coffee—usually, we drink decaf kapag linggo dahil gusto naming matulog nang maaga dahil Monday kinabukasan.

“Di ko alam kung seryoso pero sabi ni Sage wala raw siyang balak magcollege,” Iñigo said.

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. “What do you mean?”

He shrugged. “Balak atang maging vlogger nung batang ’yon kagaya ni Gali.”

I remained silent. Growing up, I’d always been told that success is measured by diploma… and more diploma. But I knew that that kind of mindset was not healthy. Iba-iba ang hilig ng bawat tao.

So, as much as it was… unsettling to me na mayroong isang anak ako na baka hindi mag-aral ng college, I drew a deep breath.

“Okay,” I said.

“Ano’ng okay? As in okay na hindi siya mag-aaral?”

“No, I mean okay as in kung gusto niyang maging vlogger, then he’d study film… or something related to that,” I said. “We won’t force him to take up law—but he needs to study.”

Iñigo nodded. “I agree. Pero ’wag na muna nating isipin dahil mukhang ’di pa rin naman siya sigurado,” he said. “Sa tingin mo ba may magiging lawyer sa mga anak natin?”

I shrugged. “Hindi ko alam.”

“Si Lily?”

“She’s more interested in plants.”

“Environmental lawyer?” sabi ni Iñigo. “Kailangan ng bansa natin niyan.”

“Kapag nagustuhan niya siguro,” sabi ko. “Try to introduce the idea, but at the end of the day, siya pa rin naman ang mamimili ng gusto niya.”

“Ang saya sana kung may magiging lawyer din,” Iñigo said.

I remained silent because I agreed na masaya nga kung may susunod sa trabaho namin. It would be nice kung mayroon sa isa sa mga anak namin ang magtatanong sa amin tungkol sa mga lessons nila. But we also didn’t want to force them dahil alam namin pareho na magda-drop lang iyon kapag pinilit. Mahirap pumasok sa law school kung hindi mo naman gusto talaga.

“Kung wala, walang magagawa,” Iñigo added, shrugging.

After we finished our coffee, nagtanggal kami ng mga patay na dahon sa mga halaman. Iñigo watered the plants. By 3PM, we decided to watch a movie, but it seemed like Iñigo had other plans dahil papasok na naman sa shirt ko iyong kamay niya. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya at naka-angat ang kilay ko.

“Akala ko manonood tayo?” I asked dahil ang tagal kong namili ng documentary na papanoorin namin. It was a documentary about the missing backpackers in Southeast Asia in the 1970s.

“Nood ka lang,” he said as he began to kiss my neck.

So, I clicked play while Iñigo was busy kissing my neck. Naramdaman ko rin iyong pagtanggal niya sa bra ko. It was so hard to concentrate while he was doing that. So, when his lips were on the side of my lips, I turned my head so that our lips met. I felt him smiling while our lips were touching.

“Akala ko manonood ka?” he asked.

“You’re distracting me.”

“Wala kasi ’yung mga bata. Solo natin ’yung bahay.”

“Lagi naman silang nasa school o nasa galaan.”

“Yes, pero nandito si Siren. Ang weird, e,” he replied while he was taking my shirt off at saka hinihiga ako sa couch. “Wag mo akong susuntukin—” he said and I frowned. Why did he keep on bringing that up? Of course it was my first time. Of course nagulat ako nung ma-realize ko kung saan papunta iyong mukha niya. But we’ve been married for so long and may tatlo na kaming anak.

“Joke lang, ito naman,” he said, laughing. “Tatanggalin ko na iyong panty—”

“I will kick you in the face,” I told him.

He laughed. “Wag naman. Paano ako haharap sa mga tao sa korte na may blackeye?”

“Remember nung sinuntok—”

“Ito na naman. ’Di nga kita sinuntok.”

“Then why did I get a blackeye?”

“Aksidente iyon,” he said.

I shrugged. “Okay.” And then he stared at me tapos ay natawa siya bigla. “What?” I asked.

Umiling lang siya. “Wala… Na-realize ko lang na grabe… Ang layo na pala ng narating natin, noh? Parang dati sinu-sungitan mo lang ako… I mean, ngayon ay ganoon pa rin naman.”

I just stared at him tapos ay tinawanan niya ako at saka tinanggal niya iyong shirt niya bago kami nagpatuloy sa ginagawa namin… but not before Iñigo quickly running to check if every door was locked because we didn’t want the kids to walk in on us—that happened to Rory and Yago and it sounded so traumatizing.

---

“Remind me to have the couch deep cleaned,” I said while I was wearing my earrings for the homecoming.

Humalakhak siya habang sinu-suot iyong tie niya. “Grabe parang dumi naman natin.”

“Imagine our kids sitting on that couch.”

“Okay lang—magkakasama sila ng mga kapatid nila.”

I frowned. “Is that becoming of a judge?’

Tumawa siya. “Naging judge lang naman ako—jokerist pa rin sa labas ng korte,” sabi niya at umiling na lang ako sa kanya.

I focused on putting on my earring. I normally did not wear earrings—only on formal occasions such as this one. While I was concentrating hard on putting them on, lumapit sa akin si Iñigo at tumayo sa likod ko. He placed his hands on the sides of my waist and then planted a kiss on the side of my neck.

“Ganda naman ng asawa ko,” he said while staring at our reflection on the mirror.

“Hindi ko huhubarin ’tong damit ko,” I told him.

Tumawa siya. “Wala naman akong sinabi.”

“I know that stare, Borromeo.”

“Ano’ng stare, Mrs. Borromeo?”

Umiling ako. “Hands off,” I told him.

Tumawa siya. “Fine… pero mamaya? Pwede na hubarin ’yan?”

“Fine,” I said. “Di ka pa ba pagod?” I asked kasi bakit parang ako iyong mas napagod kanina kahit naka-higa lang naman ako?

He shrugged. “Parang never naman kapag sa ganon,” he said at napa-iling na lang ako. Buti na lang sigurado ako na hindi siya ganito sa trabaho. He’s very serious kapag nasa trabaho siya. Mayroong home version at work version. It’s amazing kung gaano magka-iba iyong dalawa.

“Okay ka na?” he asked.

I nodded. “Okay lang ba ’yung suot ko?”

“Oo naman,” he replied as he looked at me. I was wearing a red evening dress that fell on my ankle. Medyo mababa iyong neckline pero hindi naman bastos tignan sa akin. Naalala ko bigla iyong reklamo ni Iñigo nang bumalik sa dati iyong boobs ko dahil tapos na akong magbreastfeed. This man had the weirdest problems…

Inalalayan ako ni Iñigo habang naglalakad ako dahil sa suot kong heels. Kahit na 3 inches iyong suot kong heels ay mas matangkad pa rin siya sa akin. Pumasok ako sa loob ng sasakyan. Iñigo didn’t open the door for me because after years of being married, I realized it’s a waste of time dahil kaya ko namang buksan iyong pinto—unless marami akong dala dahil kusa niyang bubuksan iyon para sa akin.

Pagdating namin sa school ay nagpark na kami sa loob. The parking lot was covered with luxury vehicles—it seemed like our batch did very well for themselves… I hoped walang corrupt politicians sa kanila, but I highly doubted it.

“Nandito na raw ba sila?” Iñigo asked habang inaalalayan ako bumaba sa sasakyan dahil naka-heels ako.

“On the way na raw sabi ni Rory. Medyo traffic daw.”

“Punta na ba tayo sa gym?” he asked dahil doon gaganapin iyong homecoming.

I looked around. This was the first time I came here again… Ang dami na palang nagbago… Mukhang may mga bagong building na rin.

“Nandito pa rin kaya iyong auditorium?” I asked out of curiosity. “What?” sabi ko nang mapansin ko na naka-tingin sa akin si Iñigo, wiggling his brows. I rolled my eyes. “I was just curious.”

“May mga naaalala ka, noh?”

“Alam mo kung ano iyong naaalala ko? Iyong paggrade mo sa quiz ko.”

Humalakhak siya habang naglalakad kami. “In my defense, sinunod ko lang naman iyong sinabi ni Sir.”

“Equity,” I said.

“Dura lex sed lex.”

“Wow… ganyan kang judge?”

Humalakhak siya. “The law is the law—’di naman ako pwedeng magmagic dun,” sabi niya. Pagdating namin sa may second floor, dumiretso kami sa kung nasaan iyong auditorium dati. Iñigo tried to open the door at bumukas nga iyon.

“Wow…” Iñigo said nang maka-pasok kami sa loob. Nung huling nandito kami ay may mga nagkalat pa na hollow blocks at mga kung anu-anong kahoy. Hanggang maka-graduate kami ay under construction pa rin siya. But now, it looked like a real auditorium.

“Akala ko forever na ’tong under construction gaya nung mga kalsada,” he said.

“Baliw ka ba? Nagdonate ka rito dati.”

Tumawa siya. “Ay, oo nga pala,” sabi niya dahil nung 10th wedding anniversary namin ay nagdonate siya rito. I think iyong bagong soundsystem dito iyong pinaggamitan sa donation ni Iñigo.

We walked around the auditorium tapos ay naupo kami roon sa may upuan sa may aisle.

“Nung nag-aaral pa tayo, naisip mo ba na sa ganitong punto tayo aabot, Cha?” he asked while we were seated side by side at naka-tingin lang kami sa may stage.

“Yes.”

“Talaga?”

“Yeah.”

“Bakit mo naisip?”

“I trust us.”

Ni hindi ko kailangang tumingin para malaman na naka-titig siya sa akin. I turned my head to the side to stare back. He smiled at me.

“Mahal na mahal talaga kita,” sabi niya. “Kung hindi ikaw, salamat na lang sa lahat.”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re talking like hindi ako natapunan ng frappe noon dahil sa dami ng nilandi mo sa College of Medicine.”

“Grabe, ungkatan ba ito ng past?”

“It’s true, though. Sabi ni Gracey pati siya ay muntik na ma-boycott ng mga kaklase niya dahil sa ’yo.”

“Fake news ’yan si Gracey kahit kailan,” sabi niya na naiiling.

“Pero totoong natapunan ako ng frappe.”

He blinked. Wala siyang masabi kasi totoo naman.

“Past is past, Cha. Move on na tayo doon,” sabi niya tapos ay inakbayan ako at hinalikan iyong gilid ng ulo ko. Nang magtext sila Rory na nandito na sila ay tumayo na kami. Iñigo held my hand as a support dahil baka bigla akong matapilok dahil ’di naman ako sanay na naka-heels. Kahit sa office ay naka-flats lang ako.

“Dito ba ’yun?” he asked, pointing at the wall.

“Alin?”

“Yung unang momol natin?”

“Iñigo.”

Tumawa siya. “What? Grabe! Syempre, homecoming kaya dapat alalahanin ang mga dapat alalahanin,” natatawa na sabi niya. “Reenact natin.”

“No.”

“Sige na—wala namang tao.”

“Para kang tanga.”

Tumawa siya. “No? Final answer na ba ’yan?”

“Naghihintay na sila Rory.”

“Parang hindi naman no ’yan, Charisse Faith?”

Umirap ako. “Fine,” I said. “Pero sandali lang.”

Iñigo quickly nodded tapos ay hinatak ako papunta roon sa may pader kung saan dati kaming nagme-makeout kapag free time namin. Iba na iyong itsura niya, but I could still remember how this used to look like. The memory was very vivid like everything just happened yesterday.

Nung una ko siyang makita sa hallway ng school.

Nung una kaming ipakilala sa may resto.

Nung makapal iyong mukha niya na naki-sabay sa akin.

Nung pilit siyang pumasok sa buhay ko… at hindi na lumabas simula nun.

Who would’ve thought?

“Ganito ’yun, ’di ba?” he asked habang sinandal ako sa wall at naka-lagay iyong dalawang kamay niya sa magkabilang gilid ng ulo ko.

“Para tayong tangang dalawa,” sabi ko sa kanya.

Tumawa siya. “Grabe, ang pagmamahalan ay hindi lang para sa mga bata—equal rights for senior citizens!”

“Hindi tayo senior citizens.”

“Mas may effect kasi,” sabi niya. Umirap na lang ako tapos ay bigla kong naramdaman iyong labi niya sa mga labi ko. I quickly wrapped my arms around his neck as I felt his hands around my waist.

We didn’t make out like we used to. Before, para akong laging kakapusin ng hininga kapag hinahalikan niya ako. Laging namamaga iyong labi ko sa kanya. Laging mukhang galing kami sa bagyo dahil sa gulo ng buhok naming dalawa.

But we’re… different now. We love different now. But it’s still us—I think just wiser and a lot calmer.

---

We made out for ten minutes. Napaalis lang kami dahil biglang bumukas iyong pinto. Mabuti na lang at nandoon kami sa kabilang exit kapag mabilis kaming naka-labas ng auditorium. Dumiretso na kami papunta sa venue.

“Borromeo,” bati ni Sir Harry, iyong professor ni Iñigo sa CommRev at naging reviewer niya rin na lagi niyang sinasabi dati na dahilan kung bakit pagud na pagod siya… pero dahilan din kung bakit nagtop 1 siya sa BAR exam.

“Sir!” masayang sabi ni Iñigo.

“Kamusta kayong dalawa?”

“Okay naman, Sir.”

“Di ka pa rin ba magtuturo? Nandito na ’yung dalawang bugok,” he said, pertaining to Jax and Yago.

Tumawa si Iñigo. “Saka na, Sir. Nag-aadjust muna ako sa load ko.”

“Balita ko nga sa mga abogado ko e sobrang higpit mo raw.”

Tumawa ulit si Iñigo. “Fair lang, Sir. Bawal palakasan system,” sabi niya tapos ay nagsales talk na naman si Sir Harry para ayain si Iñigo na sumama sa faculty. Nagturo na kasi sina Yago at Jax dito. Nauna si Jax… I think nainggit si Yago kaya nagturo na rin siya. Tapos ay si Iñigo naman ang tina-try nilang isama pero ayaw pa ni Iñigo. Sabi niya sa akin ay baka next year daw. Mukhang totoo naman dahil mukhang excited siya kapag nagku-kwento.

Nagpaalam na kami kay Sir Harry.

“Ano ituturo mo, if ever?”

“Torts?”

“Bakit Torts?”

“Syempre doon tayo naging magkaklase.”

“Dahil lang doon?”

Tumawa siya. “Di ko alam—kahit ano naman ibigay nila sa akin, okay lang.”

“Ang yabang.”

“Grabe! Syempre pag-aaralan ko naman uli kapag binigay nila sa akin,” sabi niya. Pagdating namin sa may venue, agad na nakita ko sila Rory na nasa may malapit sa gitna na table.

“Tagal niyo,” Rory said.

“Kinausap pa ni Atty. Harry si Iñigo,” I replied.

“Magtuturo ka na rin?” Yago asked, sounding excited para may dagdag na sa kanila sa teacher’s lounge.

Iñigo shrugged. “Baka next year.”

“Torts ituro mo para may Torts tayong tatlo,” Yago said.

“Ano ngang load mo?” Iñigo asked Jax.

“Crim, Obli, Torts,” Jax said.

“Persons, Wills, Obli, Torts ako,” Yago added.

Iñigo nodded. “We’ll see.”

Nag-usap sila tungkol sa kung sino ang magiging paboritong professor kapag pumasok na si Iñigo—but it was more of Yago and Iñigo talking dahil tahimik lang na nakikinig si Jax sa kanila and wala namang pakielam ’yon.

“Iñigo will teach?” Katherine asked.

“I don’t know yet,” sabi ko dahil ayokong pangunahan si Iñigo sa desisyon niya.

“How about you?” Rory asked.

“There are offers,” I said.

“But?”

“I’m still thinking about it,” I replied. “You?”

“Busy sa firm,” Katherine replied. I was so proud of this one. If you told me years ago that she’d end up as this person, I would never believe you. The Katherine I first met was so different from the woman sitting in front of me. Sure, maarte pa rin siya but that’s just who she was. From head to toe, she’s covered in designer items, but you’d never know unless alam mo. She likes simple and minimalist pieces. But alongside being maarte, she’s also the most generous person I know—pareho sila ni Nikolai.

But now? She runs a firm that mainly focuses on pro-bono cases. She changes a lot of lives and she doesn’t even like discussing about it unless kailangan niya para maghanap ng donors and investors.

“I think no… Teaching’s not for me,” sabi ni Rory. “Plus I have Luci.”

“Nakita ko nga kanina.”

“Kasama ba si Jersey?”

“Yes.”

“Good—kung anu-ano na naman gagawin ni Nikolai ’dun!” Rory said tapos ay inilabas niya iyong phone niya at mukhang tatawagan si Nikolai.

The program started shortly. May mga speech iyong mga dati naming professors. Iñigo also gave a speech bilang top 1 siya sa BAR exam nung batch nila. Si Jax ay nagspeech din dahil siya iyong highest sa batch namin.

“Ito na ba ’yung bayad natin,” Iñigo whispered to me nung nagserve na sila ng pagkain. There was a lonely chicken on my plate. It looked dry.

“Can we eat pares after?” I asked Iñigo.

“Sa tingin mo bukas pa?”

“Siguro,” sabi niya.

The chicken did not look inviting at all. I was just trying to cut it up para mukhang ginalaw ko naman. But while I was pretending to eat, biglang nalaglag iyong tinidor ko. I bent down para pulitin ito, pero natigilan ako dahil bigla kong naalala iyong panahon na may pinulot din ako tapos ay nakita ko sila Rory—

But it was too late. Napa-tingin na ako sa gawi nila.

“Thank God,” I whispered to myself nang makita ko na magka-hawak lang iyong mga kamay niya sa ilalim ng lamesa. Nang mapa-tingin ako sa gawi nila Jax ay nakita ko na naka-patong lang iyong kanang kamay niya sa ibabaw ng kaliwang hita ni Katherine.

“Okay ka lang?” Iñigo asked.

I nodded. “Yes,” I said tapos ay nagrequest ako ng bagong tinidor sa waiter.

The event continued. Maraming lumapit sa table namin para kausapin si Iñigo dahil sa pagiging judge niya. He just politely talked to them, but no more than that because as a judge, he should give the impression of propriety and fairness. Kaya nga walang kaso sila Jax, Yago, Niko, at Vito na napupunta sa court ni Iñigo dahil alam na magkaibigan sila.

“Judge,” Ella Flores said, isa sa mga kasama sa batch ko.

“Hi,” Iñigo replied, looking at me for help dahil hindi niya kilala iyong babae. I ignored him tapos ay nagfocus ako sa pag-inom nung tubig dahil nagugutom na ako at gusto ko ng lumabas para kumain ng pares.

“Grabe, ’di ako pinansin,” Iñigo said nang makaalis na si Ella.

“Ano namang sasabihin ko?”

“Di ko naman kilala ’yun.”

“Ka-batch ko.”

“Di naman tayo magka-batch.”

“Mas matanda ka kasi sa akin. Inabuso mo ang kahinaan ko,” he said and I just stared at him tapos ay tumawa siya. Alam niya naman na mas matanda siya sa akin. “Napaka-seryoso talaga.”

“What did she want?” I asked, instead.

“May case tungkol sa lupa. The usual,” he replied and I nodded. May mga nagpaparamdam na naman. Minsan may dumadating na pagkain sa bahay namin, pero dahil weird, ’di namin kinakain dahil ’di namin alam kung saan nanggaling. Since then, sinabihan na namin iyong subdivision na ’wag magpapa-pasok at iconfirm muna sa amin kung umorder ba kami.

The weirdest we received was a briefcase full of cash nung may pending sa court ni Iñigo na kaso tungkol sa pinag-aawayan na lupa sa Metro Manila. The land was worth hundreds of millions. It’s pending until now. Hanggang mamatay siguro iyong magkakapatid na iyon ay pending pa rin iyong kaso dahil walang gustong magpa-talo at bawat kampo ay kumuha ng mamahaling mga abogado.

After the program, tumayo na kami at nagpaalam sa mga prof namin. Sabay-sabay kaming naglakad pabalik sa parking.

“I’m still hungry,” Katherine said.

“Ako rin,” Rory added.

“Pupunta kami sa pares,” I told them.

“Yun ba ’yung pinupuntahan niyo before?” Rory asked dahil nabanggit ko sa kanya ito dati. I nodded. “Sama kami sa hideout niyo.”

Dahil hindi rin naman kami makaka-labas dahil sa dami ng sasakyan na lalabas ay naglakad na kami papunta sa may paresan.

“Naalala mo nung nahampas ako ng bote sa ulo?” Iñigo asked.

“And you asked me to corroborate your lie.”

“Ganoon talaga kapag partners in crime.”

“You were basically a stranger then.”

“Mahal mo naman kung mahal na kita nung time na ’yon?” he asked, his brow arched. “Alam mo naman na mabilis akong na-fall sa ’yo.”

“Napaka-korni mo, Borromeo,” Rory said, gagging.

Tumawa si Iñigo. “Korni din naman si Yago, so fair lang, Rory.”

Hanggang sa maka-rating kami sa may paresan ay nagtatalo lang si Rory at Iñigo tapos ay sumama pa si Yago at Katherine kaya naman kami na lang ni Jax ang nag-usap tungkol sa bagong nilabas ng Supreme Court na jurisprudence because that would vastly affect our strategy sa litigation and appeal.

“Mang Berting!” sabi ni Iñigo nang maka-rating kami sa may paresan. It was already 11PM. Mukhang magsasara na sila dahil linggo rin naman. Dati kasi kapag school night ay hanggang 4AM sila—huling surge ng customers nila iyong mga galing sa inuman.

“Iñigo, ikaw ba iyan?” he asked.

“Naks naman, naaalala pa ako!” Iñigo said.

“Syempre naman! Kakain ba kayo?” Mang Berting asked tapos ay napa-tingin sa akin. “Aba’t kayo ngang dalawa ang nagkatuluyan.”

Humalakhak si Iñigo. “Wala atang tiwala sa akin si Mang Berting.”

Natawa si Mang Berting. “E kagandang bata naman kasi nitong si Charisse. Kahit ilang kumakain dito dati e may crush d’yan,” he said tapos ay tinukso ako nil Yago and I ignored them all.

“Bukas pa po ba kayo?”

“E magsasara na pero kung kakain kayo e pwede ba kayo maghintay kahit mga bente minuto?”

We all nodded tapos ay pumwesto na kami habang naghahanda si Mang Berting. We probably looked a bit out of place dahil naka-formal attire kami habang naka-pwesto sa maliit na table na may mantel na prutas at plastic na upuan. But I felt so at home.

“Text mo nga ’yang si Nikolai kung buhay pa ’yung mga bata,” Rory said.

“Buhay pa ’yon,” Yago said.

“Check mo.”

“Fine… I’ll text Je na lang baka magtampo na naman si Nikolai isipin na wala tayong tiwala sa kanya,” Yago replied while texting Jersey.

While waiting for the food, nag-usap kami tungkol sa mga bata. We couldn’t talk about work when we’re together dahil galing kami sa iba-ibang firm at may member pa ng judiciary sa amin.

“Salamat po,” I told Mang Berting nang iserve sa amin iyong pagkain. We began to eat at sinumbatan pa kami ni Rory dahil bakit daw hindi ko sinabi sa kanila iyong lugar na ’to dati.

“Nako, ’wag na,” sabi ni Mang Berting nung magbabayad na kami.

“Sir—” sabi ni Katherine nung nag-aabot siya ng one thousand para sa kinain namin.

“Libre ko na iyan,” sabi ni Mang Berting. “Pasalamat na rin kay Iñigo na nag-abot ng tulong nung na-istroke ako dati.”

Lahat kami ay napa-tingin kay Iñigo na mukhang nahihiya dahil napa-lagay siya ng kamay niya sa may batok niya.

“Grabe naman, matagal na ’yon,” sabi ni Iñigo. “Bayaran na namin ’to.”

“Nako, ’wag na,” sabi ni Mang Berting na hindi talaga nagpa-bayad kaya naman nagpasalamat na lang kami.

“Bakit ’di ko alam ’yon?” I asked Iñigo.

“Syempre may mga secret pa rin ako,” he replied and I rolled my eyes on him. Tumawa siya. “Dati pa kasi ’yun—nung panahong Range Rover pa ang sasakyan ko,” pabirong sabi niya. “Saka ang tagal na nun. Nalimutan ko na nga. ’Di ko alam naalala niya pala.”

That’s the thing… iyong maliit na pagtulong sa ’yo, life changing sa iba. It’s always nice to be nice.

I was proud of Iñigo—na kahit pala nung mga panahon na akala ko ay nabulag na siya sa pera, nagawa niya pa ring tumulong sa iba.

“People of the world,” Yago said. Napa-tingin kami sa kanya. “Look at this,” he continued and then made us watch a video of Lucille, obviously being coached, asking kung pwede na mag-overnight sila sa condo nila Niko.

“They planned this,” Katherine said.

“May dala silang overnight bag kanina,” I confirmed.

“I’m really suspicious kung ano ang ginagawa nila doon…” Rory said.

Pagdating namin sa parking, iyong mga sasakyan na lang namin ang naiwan.

“So… good night na ba?”

“Tagaytay?” Iñigo asked.

“Now?” Yago asked.

Iñigo nodded and then looked at me. I didn’t know if it was because we’re married or nagmerge na talaga iyong utak namin… But I felt like Iñigo was doing this dahil sinabi ko sa kanya before na minsan magdodouble date sina Rory, Yago, Jax, at Katherine. Bakit naman nga kasi ako sasama roon? But Iñigo told me that one day, magttriple date kami sa Tagaytay.

And apparently, tonight’s the night.

“Coffee lang,” Iñigo said. “Wala namang traffic na.”

Jax shrugged. So, it’s been decided na pupunta kami sa Tagaytay. Parang bata sila na nagbato-bato pick kung sino ang magda-drive dahil gusto nila na sa isang sasakyan na lang. Habang nagbabato-bato pick sila ay nagpaalam ako para magcr muna. Habang naglalakad ako ay napa-hinto ako dahil may tumawag sa pangalan ko.

“Mishka,” I said when I saw who was it that called my name.

She smiled at me, but it looked calculated. “Didn’t see you earlier.”

I shrugged. “I was at the table in the middle.”

“Right… The table.”

I didn’t make a comment. I didn’t understand why she sees me as a competition because I never saw her as one. ’Di ko naman kasalanan na lagi kaming nagiging magka-tapat sa mga kaso namin. And as far as I was concerned, we must be professional. Trabaho lang naman. It’s not like kami iyong nag-aaway sa mga kaso na hawak namin.

And I believed it was also because nasa iisang school iyong mga anak namin at laging natatalo ni Saffron iyong anak niya. How was that my fault? Na kahit maarte iyong anak ko ay maganda pa rin ang grades niya?

“You should’ve said hi,” sabi ko at saka iniwan siya bago pa kung ano ang masabi niya dahil magkikita pa kami sa Friday para sa mediation.

“Akala ko kinain ka na ng CR,” sabi ni Iñigo nang maka-balik ako.

“Naka-salubong ko si Mishka,” I replied.

Iñigo grimaced. “Ano’ng sabi?”

I shrugged. “Di ko maalala.”

“Kahit kanina lang ’yon?”

“I’m good at blocking memories,” I said tapos ay tinawanan ako ni Iñigo. “Kaninong sasakyan?”

“Jax,” Iñigo replied tapos ay sumakay na kami sa Range Rover. His old Range Rover was already sold kaya bumili sila nung latest na version. But this was the bullet proof version.

Pagdating namin sa Tagaytay ay dumiretso kami sa coffee shop na Bianca’s. Kapag pumupunta kami ni Iñigo dito ay dito kami dumi-diretso dahil bukas siya 24/7. Randomly lang kami pumupunta kapag stressed na kami sa buhay at sa trabaho. Naging kaibigan na rin namin iyong may-ari na si Biance Esteban dahil lagi kaming nandito.

“Grabe, kilala na rin kayo rito?” Rory asked dahil binati kami nung guard pagdating namin.

“We sometimes go here,” I replied.

“Di nag-aaya,” Yago said.

“Di niyo rin naman kami inaaya kapag nagde-date kayo,” Iñigo replied.

“Ang tanong—ready ba kayong sumama kapag nagdate kami?” Yago said and we all made face because of what he was implying. Rory just glared at him tapos ay tinawanan siya tapos nagsorry at sabi na joke lang.

We got inside and ordered coffee. Doon kami pumwesto sa may kita iyong Taal volcano. We drank our coffee and began to reminisce kung ano iyong nangyari nung nasa law school pa kami.

“Favorite ko talaga iyong sinuntok ni Iñigo si Cha,” Yago said.

Iñigo, as if on cue, frowned. “For the hundredth time, hindi ko sinuntok.”

“E ’di nasuntok,” Yago said. “Same pa rin naman na may pasa si Cha.”

“Kasalanan naman talaga ni Jax iyon,” sabi ni Iñigo. Jax looked like he was surprised na nasama siya bigla sa usapan dahil tahimik lang naman siyang umiinom ng kape.

“Siguro ang nasa lapida mo, Iñigo, here lies Iñigo Borromeo—husband, father, friend. Tapos may quote na ‘Hindi ko sinuntok si Cha.’”

I pursed my lips because that was funny. Hindi ko alam kung saang parte kami biglang umabot sa pag-uusap kung sino ang pinaka-matalino sa amin. Biglang naglabasan kung ano iyong mga grade namin sa law school at kung fair ba iyon dahil magkakaiba naman kami ng naging prof.

“Basta top 1 ako sa BAR,” sabi ni Iñigo na biglang nagyabang.

“May license ako to practice sa California.”

“Expired na ’yon,” Iñigo pointed out.

Yago rolled his eyes. “Pwede ko naman i-renew.”

“May penalty.”

“Marami akong pera—laki kaya ng sweldo ni Rory,” sabi ni Yago tapos tinignan lang siya ni Rory.

Hanggang 3AM ay nagpapa-sikatan lang sila. After that ay lumabas na kami at naabutan namin iyong owner. I introduced Bianca to them—at tamang tama dahil naghahanap daw siya ng lawyer kaya naman binigay ni Rory at Jax iyong cards nila.

“May the best lawyer win,” Rory said.

Jax shrugged. “Thank you,” sabi niya tapos ay biglang natawa si Katherine sa biglang pagyayabang ni Jax. I mean, he’s one of the highest paid lawyer, but he’s never mentioned that. Nahawa siguro sa payabangan nila Yago at Iñigo kanina.

Rory faked a shock. “The audacity.”

We drove back to Manila at saka ibinaba nila kami sa school para kuhanin iyong mga sasakyan namin. Dumiretso na kami sa bahay dahil nagtext sina Lily na ihahatid na lang sila. Pagdating namin sa bahay ay tahimik dahil wala pa iyong mga bata.

“May pasok na ulit mamaya,” Iñigo said because it’s Monday again.

I nodded and yawned. “But I had fun.”

He said and then hugged me as if he was resting against my body. “Tulog muna tayo,” sabi niya. “Antok na ako.”

“Paano kapag dumating na sila?”

“May susi naman sila,” he replied and I nodded in agreement tapos ay dumiretso na kami sa may kama. We stripped naked because we’re too tired to clean up—the sheets were due for change, anyway.

“Let’s nap,” he said as he held me close and kissed my forehead. “Gisingin mo ako,” he added and I nodded as I reached for the phone and set the alarm for the both of us. “Thank you. Love you,” he said before we both dozed off to sleep… only to be waken up four hours later para magbreakfast kasama ang mga anak namin at pumasok na naman sa trabaho.