PROLOGUE

The moment the disease spread like wildfire, the government immediately shut down for the nth time in just that one year— quickly declaring the country in a state of emergency as people in mass began to run wild in panic.  No explanation from government officials was given.  No explanation for the sudden outbreak of the unexplained disease followed.  Just meek silence answering the people’s fear.

All that was known from the outbreak and the disease itself came from media reports.  All which stated that it was highly contagious, extremely dangerous, and very well the end of everything everyone has ever known or loved.

And even that was cut off within the first week of the infection.

The media and all news outlets suddenly shutting down, the connection with the rest of the world snapping and leaving everyone in the dark with nothing but static.

The only thing that he remembers being mentioned and emphasized was the onset of the disease.  Warning people to stay away from those infected and to never take a chance because it all begins with an onset of seizures.  Seizures that cause all vital organ activity to stop.

Within minutes the ceased beating of the heart would reanimate and restart, pumping infected blood throughout the infected’s veins and throughout their body until everything was destroyed and replaced with death.

Warm skin became cold and pale with a grayish deadly hue to it.

A strong stench of death emitting from their rotting corpses following after as they deteriorate.

Everything, just everythin g, became wrong about them.

Everything was just slightly off about them.

Their eyes become hollow, dull, and lifeless.

Lips pale and cracked.

Skin bruised with purple and blue all over and no sign of ever healing.

Almost as if they were dead.

And for a few brief moments they were and yet they walk, they groan and moan and attack .

It’s a terrifying disease that eats away at the person, kills them and brings them back as a monster, an uncontrollable and insatiable beast.

Worst part yet— there is no known cure.

Of course there wouldn’t be, not when the origin of such a disease is so obscure.  When no one knows where it even came from.

And although the infected appear weak, slow, and dim, they are anything but.

They are fast when motivated with fresh meat, when the sound of a healthy heartbeat reaches their ears, when rich untainted blood tickles their rotting noses.

And it all happens begins with a single bite, just one.

So ke

ep moving.

Keep low.

Keep quiet.

Keep alert.

And always remember that no place is safe, only safer.

Otherwise you’ll become the next Deadman walking.

ONE

He stares at the box before him as he sits on the cover of the toilet seat. His fingers subconsciously trace gentle patterns on the skin of his thigh, fine soft hairs tickling the pads of his fingertips as his gaze switches back and forth.

The skin is no longer angry, no longer red. It’s just a bit swollen, just a bit tender. But he’s used to that. He’s used to the slight pain and irritation that he knows will fade within the next few hours.

So, he isn’t worried about the prick or discomfort. He’s more worried about what he’ll do next.

His rations are running low. Food has dwindled quickly since that day. Since the day many’s nightmare became a terrifying reality.

He’s been imprisoned in his own home for fear of being attacked and becoming an infected.

But he realizes that he’ll have to leave the comfort of his safe haven soon.

There is only one more vial in the box before him. One more vial to keep him stable and one more Maruchan Cup Noodles to keep the hunger at bay.

He comes to the inevitable conclusion that he needs to go outside.

He doesn’t want to go outside.

He really doesn’t.

But he needs food.

And most importantly, he needs his T supply.

There’s a grocery store on the opposite corner of his block. He can get food there, get unperishables.

And as for his shots… he has about two weeks before he needs to use his last vial.

Thing is, his pharmacy, on a good day, is a 45 minute drive.

On foot it’ll probably take a week simply because he’ll need to lay low, need to be out of sight, need to be careful.

He scrubs his face in slight frustration.

He stands from his perch and walks out the bathroom.

He needs to think.

He needs to think outside the stuffy bathroom, outside .

But most importantly, he needs to stay calm.

He lives in a small apartment complex consisting of four homes. His apartment, his home, being on the second and final floor.

The front entrance is a metal door downstairs which is, thankfully, always locked. And leading up to his apartment are two flights of stairs, narrow and steep.

The only other way is through the fire escape out back from the kitchen door. He has a small balcony that branches into one staircase and one ladder. The ladder going up onto the roof connecting several buildings together, and the stairs going down toward a vertical ladder bolted to the building’s wall which leads to the parking lot.

The front door was barricaded with the help of several tenants so the only way out now is through the fire escape.

And thankfully zombies don’t know how to go up, don’t know how to climb up.  At least thats what he’s deduced from observing them from afar.

But his problem isn’t whether they can climb up or not, it’s whether he can survive going down .  Survive exposing himself to them.

He doesn’t have much time, though.

He doesn’t have any time to think, to second guess himself.

Eventually, he needs to go out.

TWO

He holds his breath as he sneaks out, the door to his kitchen closing softly behind him as he takes the first step out onto the balcony.

He ties his shoes and adjusts the strap of his empty backpack before double checking he has everything.

He has a butcher knife and two other small(er) ones hidden carefully along the contour of his body.  In his hand he has the hefty weight of his crossbow, one he bought many years ago on a whim for his birthday.

The crossbow is a risky move though.

While it doesn’t make a loud bang as a gun would, it takes him long to pull it back and reload.  And it will only take him longer with the duct tape wrapped around his arm as an extra precaution.  After all, zombies were once humans and humans have blunt teeth.  Biting through the duct tape will be hard, he knows.

And although he’s confident in the duct tape preventing and zombie to dig their teeth into the skin if his arms, a bigger worry plagues his mind.  He only has three arrows on hand for the crossbow.  Three shots that he’ll have to use wisely.

He breathes deeply and closes his eyes.

He can do this.

With apprehension and determination in his eyes, he peers down and finds the parking lot empty.

At least he thinks that until he hears something rummaging through the dumpsters near by.

He pulls back when he sees an infected appear from behind the dump, garbage sticking to it’s open wounds and torn clothing.

He tries not to make a sound, especially when he recognizes the infected as one of his neighbors and he can’t help but breathe in relief when it leaves.

He gets to work.

He slings the crossbow over his shoulder as his hand wraps around the first metal bar going up.

The plan is simple.

Walk the length of the connected rooftops to the last building.  At the edge he’ll be able to see the store front and determine whether there’s a threat, whether it’ll be safe.

He manages to climb up quickly and his breath is stolen as a gust of wind hits his face.

He lays low and breathes.

First part is over.

Now he needs to walk over the other buildings and with his heart in his throat and unsteady footsteps, he manages to make it.

He hesitates when he needs to get close to the edge but the growl of hunger pushes him over.

He peers down and bites his lip.

His eyes scan the surrounding area and finds that it’s empty.

Across the street glass is scattered everywhere and it’s hard to determine if it’s from the car embedded in light pole or if it’s from the store’s entrance.

It doesn’t matter though.

Because the door is shattered, it’ll be an easy entry.

He hurries toward the back and looks down once more.

No infected.

Slowly he climbs down.

Wincing when he has to let go and let gravity help him out.

He hurries down the rusty staircase of the building and presses his back to the wall.

From this point he’ll have about 30 seconds to run across the street and get inside the store.

And although the streets are relatively empty, he doesn’t know what to expect once he’s actually inside.

It doesn’t matter though, he’s come too far to go back now.

He walks slow at first.

Hiding behind some planted foliage before checking both ways and just going for it.

He cringes when he hears his footfalls and prays that no one hears him.

And somehow, he makes it.

He brushes away shattered glass with the long sleeve of his shirt before ducking inside.

He unlatches his crossbow and sets an arrow inside before grabbing a knife.

His steps crunch on the glass but he tries not to let it get to him.

He convinces himself the silence is worse.

He heads to the first aisle where he finds rotting fruits and vegetables.  Nothing salvageable there.

He does grab bottles of salt on the opposite shelf before hurrying through his trek.

In the back there’s more rotting food, rotting meat to be precise, and he covers his nose when the stench becomes unbearable.

He snags a few bags of stale chips and cookies and a few aisles down he finds the canned goods.

He opens the lip of his bag and shoves in as many as he can carry along with cup noodles and whatever else he can fit.

In his haste, though, he doesn’t realize when a can slips from his hold.

He watches as if it where in slow motion.

The can falls from his grasp and lands with a resounding thud.

He freezes, heart hammering inside his chest.

And then he hears it.

A curious groan coming from across the store.

Fuck, oh fuck no!

THREE

He doesn’t wait any longer.

He zips up his bag and runs out of the store.

He’s close to a panic when he hears footsteps right behind him, loud growling groans following him.

He’s stupid.

He’s so stupid.

He chances a glance.

His heart plummeting and making him nearly stop.

But he doesn’t.

The fear is stronger and pushes him to go faster.

It’s an infected.

Their clothes are torn and shredded.  Their skin is bruised with open sores and blisters scattered across their rotting face.  Blood is dripping down their chin, soaking into bits of fabric with pieces of rotting meat hanging in long strips and chunks.

The smell is enough to almost make him puke.

But he swallows the bile down and focuses on running.

He reaches the fire escape, tripping on the fifth stair.

The infected right behind.

Oh god, oh fuck!

He kicks the motherfucker away, making it stumble back and flip over the railing.

He’s breathing harshly in relief, but the infected gets up and looks up right at him.

He’s still not safe.

He struggles up the ladder with the heavy load on his back.

And only panics further when he feels a bony hand wrap around his ankle.

He looks down and sees the infected about to bite him.

He didn’t wrap his legs with duct tape.

He didn’t think of it as a possibility.

He didn’t think he’d be here.

Without hesitation he grabs a knife and jams it inside the infected’s eyes, wincing when it slides right through.

The infected falls back again.

And this time it doesn’t make a move to stand back up.

It simply twitches and moans pathetically before reaching to touch it’s eye.

Slowly pulling out the blade.

He doesn’t stay to watch anymore and makes it to the roof in one piece.

He doesn’t bother to hesitate, simply runs across until he makes it to his building and quickly climbs down after making sure he wasn’t followed.

Once on the balcony, he strips.

He gets rid of all his clothing covered in zombie bits and heads inside.

His bag and everything on his person falls to the tiled floor in a heap of clanking sound.

After everything is placed down, he hurries to the bathroom where he sets the shower.

Immediately he steps into the cold spray washing away the dirt, the grime, the death.

He rubs his skin raw and checks for any injuries, any bite s.

Thankfully, there’s none.

When he steps out the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his curved hips, he breaks down.

He knew that person.

He knew that infected.

But that infected didn’t know him.

Didn’t recognize him.

And he realizes that there may never be a cure for this.  Not for something so… so monstrous, so inhumane.

He can’t help but throw up, the bile he held back before, now making it’s way up as his memories spring up.

It didn’t even look hurt as it slowly dragged the knife out from its socket.

Didn’t even look fazed, just stunted.

The dead gleam clear in its face, the malicious intent and hunger shinning in its eyes as it chased him.

He shudders.

He feels disgusted.

And he’ll have to do it all over again.

FOUR

He makes the choice to leave a few days later.

He packs the bare minimum. Only shoves a few cans of spam and vegetables with a small bag of white rice and several bags of Nong Shim Shin noodle soups into a small red duffle bag.

Right on top, he places neatly folded clothes that fit tight as they mold his body. He adds boxers, socks, and an extra chest binder as well.

From there he moves onto shoving in things he can use for protection like duct tape, a lighter, a small blanket, and a flashlight. He’s debating on taking the fire extinguisher outside his door and eventually he does.

He carries it in his hand as he straps his crossbow to his back.

He’s ready, as ready as he’ll ever be.

Quietly, he does the same as he did for his excursion to the grocery store. He stays on high ground, follows the contour of the roof until the buildings run out and he’s forced to go down.

But this time around he spots more infected milling around.

He closes his eyes and curses internally, fuck!

He chooses to wait until the sun sets, until he can use darkness as a blanket.

It doesn’t take long.

Within three hours the sun is gone and in its place is a new moon.

He takes a deep breath and climbs the stairs slowly, quietly.

Relief fills him when his feet touch the concrete ground.

He peers around the corner and they’re still there, grr -ing unintelligably.

He presses his back to the wall before hurrying across the street and hiding once again.

They don’t see him, not this time.

He walks farther down the street at a brisk pace stopping only once when he finds an abandoned bike. He takes it.

He hasn’t been on a bike since he was nine, but he’ll take the chance. Quickly he straps the fire extinguisher to the handlebar as he chooses to carry the sharpest and biggest blade he owns in his hand. Just in case.

He hops on and tries to get his bearings together, breathing deeply before he steps on the peddles and rides.

He’s wobbly at first, but he doesn’t fall and best of all- he doesn’t make much of a sound.

He peddles fast, further still until he reaches highway 22. By then he’s tired, exhausted, and his legs are cramping.

But he hasn’t had a mishap, hasn’t seen another infected.

And he knows that if he keeps going he’ll reach a few apartment complexes meant for the wealthy if the gates are anything to go by.

However, his goal isn’t the apartments.

No.

His goal is to reach the department store behind the gated apartments.

He crosses the highway without a problem, though his heart clenches when he sees many cars flipped over or piled up in a crash.

He keeps riding.

Until eventually he stops.

The road leading to the store is steep, as if it were a hill and he knows he can’t peddle fast enough to make it. His legs already ache and he’s aware that eventually he’ll need to run.

So, he stops.

He unhooks the extinguisher and gently lowers the bike.

He stares up at the large building and sighs.

The hike longer than he’d like.

But finally, he makes it.

He finds it odd, however, that he hasn’t had another encounter with an undead.

It’s been quiet for the most part and it almost feels like he isn’t in a nightmare anymore

He wonders where they are.

There should be dozens crawling about, he knows.

Quietly, he shakes his head and rids his mind from those thoughts.

He chooses to look around, to focus on his surroundings.

The lights are off and everything is shrouded in darkness. He can’t see much of anything.

His steps echo as he walks, the sound making a shiver crawl up his spine.

He looks around the store and his first stop is the small pharmacy, searching for Tylenol and antibiotics, anything that can become useful.

He pauses when he notices shelves knocked over, miscellaneous spills dried on the floor.

He places his bag down along with the extinguisher, but holds onto the knife’s handle even tighter.

He’s briefly distracted by the destruction, until he isn’t.

He hears a dull thud before he feels pain radiate from his arm. Suddenly he can’t hold onto his knife anymore and it clatters at his feet loudly.

His heart begins to race as his mind becomes muddled with confusion. He stares at his trembling hand, breath hitching when he sees red.

He turns around slowly with wide doe eyes before he collapses.

A single word breathed in the darkness, “ shit .“

FIVE

He cowers away in fear, wincing when his back hits the counter.  His brown eyes flit everywhere, but finds that he has no way out, no where to go, no where to hide.

He holds his breath and closes his eyes tightly when footsteps approach him.  His trembling hand putting pressure against his wound.

“Shit, shit, I’m sorry,” a deep voice apologizes.

His eyes flutter open and he looks up, finding concerned blue eyes peering down at him.  The voice, full of worry and guilt, can’t stop the spike of fear inside his heart when he catches sight of the gun.

The man looks down at his own hand where the weapon is still held firmly.

Another curse, “shit, sorry.”

The gun and silencer are tucked away in the holster hooked to the man’s belt as he kneels beside the injured boy.  Gently he pries the trembling hand off of his arm.

Reluctantly he lets go with a grimace.

The man is quick to take over, to apply pressure before grabbing blindly behind for a cloth that he ties around the boy’s arm tightly.  The bleeding quickly soaks through, but the pressure is constant and it’ll eventually stop.

“Are you okay?” The man asks, voice heavy with guilt.

The boy nods mutely, breath labored in pain.

“Okay, okay, we need to move.”

“Move?” He croaks weakly.

“Blood draws attention, they can smell it.  Just as I’m sure they heard the gunshot.”

And as soon as he says that, an infected appears.  He pulls out his gun and shoots it in the head, right between the eyes.  The rotting infected falls down, stunned.  It’s then that the man takes the opportunity to escape.

Without waiting for a response, he pulls the younger into his arms and runs.

A cool breeze envelops them as soon as they break free from the stuffiness of the store.

The man doesn’t stop, doesn’t hesitate.

The younger buries his face in the broad chest, trying to stop the panic attack just on the surface.

“Hang on, just a bit more,” the man mumbles.

“Whe-Where to?”

“Somewhere safe, as safe as can be for now.”

They don’t talk, not until they make it to the so-called “safe place”.

As soon as they get through the door, a high pitched voice calls out in concern, “Jace?  Jace, oh my god are you okay? Why are you bleeding?  Why is there blood on your clothes?”

“Not me, him,” the man, Jace , says.

The woman looks down and finds someone rather petite in his arms.

Carefully, Jace places their guest down, quickly steadying him when he sways.

“Who is that?” The woman asks.

“Eloy,” he mumbles, “my name is Eloy Mendes.”

“Jace,” the man, his doom and savior greets sheepishly, “Jace Held and this is-”

“Alexis,” the woman interrupts before turning to Jace, “now do you mind explaining why you brought an absolute stranger into my house?”

Eloy doesn’t hear anything else she has to say.  He feels like he’s underwater, his ears ringing and heart still pounding with dying adrenaline.  He has trouble breathing and if it weren’t for Jace’s arm holding him up, he would’ve collapsed.  He feels weak and drained and he slumps against Jace, putting his whole weight onto the man.

“-later, Alexis, he needs me.”

“Ryan needed you-”

“I know… I’m sorry.”

Everything else is a blur.

Eloy quickly succumbing to his exhaustion.

SIX

Jace didn’t mean to see.

Just like he didn’t mean to shoot.

But he had to help Eloy out of his bloody clothes and as he helped with his shirt, he found something constricting the younger’s chest.

Before he knew it, the question was at the tip of his tongue, but he held it back and swallowed it down.  He chose to be the professional he was and help Eloy out of his clothes.  No questions asked. 

Though that didn’t stop him from discreetly staring at the boy’s chest in confusion.

Next to go were the strips of duct tape protecting Eloy’s arms and legs.  Tricky to cut off, but not impossible.

And once he was stripped to his boxers, Jace offered him clothes.  A large t-shirt reaching mid thigh and loose sweats falling from slim hips.

Now he stares at the ridiculously young man in worry. 

It’s been three days since their encounter, since the incident.

It’s been three days of twisting and turning under a crushing fever that won’t let him go. 

Cold sweat beads from his brow and runs down his temple as his soft hair sticks against flushed skin.  His lips tremble and his body shivers from the nonexistent cold despite being smothered in two blankets.

Jace really didn’t mean to shoot, but he couldn’t see, couldn’t tell whether it was an infected or not.  So, he chose to shoot first and ask questions later as a precaution.  If anything, he’s glad he skewed his aim, glad he didn’t kill Eloy.  But the guilt is still buried deep in his chest because now Eloy is battling an infection, the deep graze looking raw around the edges and an angry shade of red.  This is the nth time he’s changed the bandaging to no avail.

“Hang in there, kid” he whispers.

Three days and he only seems to be getting worse.

“ ’m sorry, sorry, so sorry,“ Eloy breathes deliriously, “please don’t, ’m sorry, no, no!”

Jace tsks, wiping the cold sweat from Eloy’s flushed face again.

He can’t do this anymore, he needs to find the boy relief.

“Where are you going?”

He looks at Alexis as he straps on his gun, “to the store, I need to go back.”

“Outside?  Are you insane?!”

“Keep it down,” Jace hisses, “Eloy is sleeping-”

“I don’t care if he is!  Why the hell are you going back?”

“I need to get antibiotics, get medicine.”

“You’re going to risk your like for a complete stranger?”

Jace grimaces, but steels his resolve, cutting her off sharply, “ Eloy .  Yes, I’m going out for him, and in the long run, it’ll benefit us if and when we fall ill.“

“You’re insane,” she hisses.

“I’m being rational, now I’m asking you to please watch over him.  Please take care of him, help bring his fever down.  I’ll be gone for a few hours and if I don’t… if I don’t come back within 24, don’t come looking.”

“I already lost Ryan, I’m not going to lose you too because of some stupid f-”

“Alexis,” Jace hisses, voice dropping low, “stop.  Ryan did everything to protect you and I’ll do the same.  But I need to do this and for once I need you to stop being a brat.  You’re a woman now, you have children to take care of.  So, for fuck’s sake grow up.”

With that he leaves.

She stares after him in shock before anger colors her face.

She stomps toward Jace’s room where she finds Eloy bundled in blankets on the bed.  She has no mercy.  None, as she drags him from bed.

He’s disoriented as she pulls him through the house and to the bathroom where she shoves him inside the tub and turns on the shower.  The cold spray of water jolts him from his daze and he tries to get out only to be pushed back in.

She can’t help her whispers of condescension.

Tears well up in Eloy’s eyes as he tries to cover up, hating how the clothes cling to his body.

“Mommy?”

Alexis looks back, “Go to your room, James.”

The little boy, one Eloy has never seen or met, looks at him with big wide eyes before reluctantly obeying.

Eloy splutters as he reaches for the knob.

Alexis doesn’t let him stop the assaulting spray.

He looks at her confused and hurt and so tired as he croaks weakly, “please.”

“What?  I’m only following Jace’s orders.”

She walks away, leaving him under the spray sobbing.

He cries until the water is shut off.

Until small hands try to pat him dry with a towel.

He looks up at the little boy, at James, gratefully.

“It’s okay, now.  Mommy is just mean because daddy hasn’t come back yet.”

“Daddy?” Eloy asks, voice weak, “where’s… where’s Jace?”

James whispers, “don’t worry, he’ll come back, I know he will.”

Eloy’s heart clenches, what did he do ?

SEVEN

It takes far longer than he liked, but he reaches the store in one piece.  The sun is bright and he’s had more encounters with infected than he’d like.  But he knew this would happen the moment he set foot outside the house. 

After all, infected are more active during the day.  It seems their circadian clock hasn’t been reset and like their past-selves, they need to bunker down at night (when there’s the least activity from them).  At least that’s what he’s noticed since the apocalypse began.

Finally, he reaches the store and heads inside quickly.  Despite the higher risk of getting bitten during the day, he’s thankful for the sun’s light filtering through the windows and broken automated doors.  It helps his eyes focus just a little bit better as he walks through the store.

Eventually, he finds what he’s looking for and swallows back the guilt when he finds Eloy’s dried blood on the ground.

It was a lot, shit, really a lot.

And he finds it.

A bag resting on the floor where Eloy once stood, a fire extinguisher placed beside it.  He looks surprised, how

hadn’t

he thought of that?

He picks up the bag and shoulders it before walking behind the counter in search of antibiotics and anything for the pain.  He even snatches a bottle of Tylenol for the fever and thinks about the kids before taking some for children along with Benadryl.

As a second thought, he searches for Alexis’ name and finds the prescription bag that had been waiting for her for months.

He digs inside and finds what he’s looking for.

Antidepressants.

He pockets them as well.

He shoves the rattling bottles in the bag before going in search of snacks, knowing the kids will adore him for it.  But every step he takes only makes the noise louder, more noticeable.

Fuck, at this rate he’ll get caught.

He grabs some chocolate bars and strawberry Twizzlers before leaving.  The fire extinguisher in hand and his gun in the other.

And as predicted, it draws the infected’s attention.

Milling zombies follow the noise that lead to him, but Jace knows he needs to get this to Eloy, to the kids.

He runs toward the house, zombies following right after at their own pace.  As if they know they’ll catch up to him regardless.  It freaks him out.

He drops the bags around back, slams them against the door to grab someone’s attention before running out front, running away from the house, from the door.

His heart is racing as he pulls out his gun.

Five.

There are five infected ready to devour him.

He has enough ammo to stun them, but it’ll only buy him a few minutes before more come to investigate.

He’s grateful for the silencer on his gun, but it does a shit job at what it’s supposed to do.

He brings it up, however, and aims.

He’ll take his chances.

And he can only watch in surprise when the first zombie falls.

He hasn’t even pulled the trigger yet.

When it crumbles, the gap reveals Eloy panting flushed behind the infected with several knifes.  One already sticking out of the zombie’s head.

He stares up at Jace before shoving the other knife in another one’s eye.

The three remaining zombies stare at both of them listlessly before choosing to attack Eloy.

Jace snaps out of it and aims.

He shoots one in the head without missing a beat, and draws the other two to him.

Good.

That’s when he uses the fire extiguisher.

The infected groan as the cloud of ice engulfs them and Jace takes the opportunity to run to Eloy, grab him by the waist and hurry back to the house.

James is standing in the entrance, biting his lip anxiously until he sees them.

He’s about to shout in excitement when Eloy presses a finger to his lips and James nods, keeping quiet.

Jace can only breathe in relief when they’re inside, safe.

They’re both panting from exhaustion, their hearts still racing with adrenaline, and relief flooding through their bloodstreams.

“Thanks,” Jace pants, looking at Eloy gratefully.

Eloy nods, giving him a small smile before pitching forward.

Jace catches him easily.

“Eloy?  Eloy? “

Eloy is in a state worse than before.  The younger is trembling and soaked, nothing keeps the cold at bay as he burns up.  How?  He was getting better!  The fever wasn’t as bad!

Was it because he went outside?

Because-

“Mommy made him take a shower.  He was really cold and started crying, but she didn’t let him get out,” James explains, voice soft as if telling him a secret.

Jace swears he sees red.

“Eloy?  Eloy, wake up,” he orders.

Eloy mumbles tiredly, softly whispering, “no.”

Jace growls, “Eloy, open your eyes.  Look at me.”

Eventually, he coaxes Eloy up. 

Dazed eyes stare up at Jace, squinting at the man tiredly.

“Hey there,” Jace smiles, relief flooding him.

“Hi,” Eloy rasps weakly.

“Need you to eat,” he says gently.

Eloy is about to protest when Jace picks him up and carefully places him on a chair at the kitchen table.

“Stay, I’ll get a blanket, some clothes, and then start lunch.”

But Eloy knows that’s just an excuse to go in search of Alexis first.

“Don’t be too harsh on her, I-”

“No,” Jace interrupts, “don’t worry about her when she doesn’t give a shit about you.  She doesn’t deserve your concern or pity.  She needs to learn.”

Eloy bites his lip before nodding, silently watching the man go.

Had he just come into their lives to ruin them?  Ruin their family?

He shares a look with James.

Had he?

EIGHT

As soon as Eloy spots his bag, his heart swells with happiness. He hurries to his duffle and rummages through it, finding all of his belongings intact.

The first thing he does is change his splattered clothes.

He grabs the clean binder from atop and puts it on, wincing when he has to flex his arm over his head to shimmy it down.

Then he slips on a t-shirt. Feeling fresh and clean he hums in contentment.

And Jace can’t help it. He can’t help the way his eyes trail after the lithe body without his consent. He’s amazed.  Throatily, he clears his throat, drawing Eloy’s attention.

He holds up some gauze and bandages, offering to do what he’s done for the past few days.

Eloy takes a seat and reaches for the blanket in the man’s arm.

“Comfortable?” Jace wonders.

Eloy nods, wrapped in the soft warmth with his injured arm out.

Jace unwraps the old bandaging and exposes the wound.  It doesn’t look as bad, doesn’t even bleed anymore. It just looks aggravated, especially with all the movement Eloy had to exert.

He begins to gingerly clean the gash with peroxide before rubbing in some vaseline, quickly placing gauze on the area.

He looks up and finds Eloy grimacing, eyes shut tight as he breathes through the sting.

“Are you alright?”

It takes a while before Eloy gets the courage to open his eyes and stare at Jace, “yeah, thanks.”

“No problem.”

Jace pats the younger’s leg before standing up and stretching.

And Eloy can see a sliver of skin peeking under the man’s tight shirt, making his heart race for no good reason.

He looks away only to face the man’s backside as he turns on the stove with a lighter.

Eloy doesn’t talk, simply watches as Jace boils some water and takes out a box of spaghetti.

Jace is too focused on cooking, or not at all actually, to pay attention to what he’s doing to Eloy.

His mind is racing with thoughts that have no end. He’s tired of everything, of Alexis’ childish ways. He wants her to grow up, to act like a mother and think about others for once in her life.

He’s so deep in thought, that he doesn’t notice when a lithe body is nearly pressed next to him.

He peers down in confusion and finds Eloy working on the sauce.

Eloy looks up at him, “Are they ready?”

Jace nods, draining the spaghetti and tossing the strands onto the thick wondrous sauce, the delicious smell tickling his nose.

“Damn that smells good,” he compliments.

Eloy blushes before shrugging, tugging on the edge of the blanket draped around his shoulders, “thank you.”

And they’re there.

Standing together in the small space of the kitchen, bodies close and warm and alive.

Both with feelings of confusion and something else…

Eloy is the one to look away first, heart hammering inside his chest.

“Wh-What did you do?”

“Hm?”

“Before the whole apocalypse happened,” the younger elaborates, choosing to focus on the food and not his heart.

“State trooper,” Jace answers, “it was in the middle of mass hysteria that I came here to check on Alexis and the kids.”

“That’s… That’s awesome,” Eloy says, faltering just a bit.

“Yeah… uh you?”

“Me? Oh, I was… I was a nobody,” he snorts, hand reaching for the stove knob and killing the fire.

Jace frowns.

The question is at the tip of his tongue when Eloy says, “you’re very lucky to have your family, Alexis is very lucky to have you.”

Jace nods but the way he says it, it’s as if it implies something that’s not.

“I love Alexis, b-”

Eloy doesn’t hear the rest as he turns his eyes to Jace, “sorry, I need to use the bathroom, if you don’t mind.”

Jace nods, letting him go.

Once inside the small room, Eloy tries to gather his wits.

What the fuck is wrong with him? He doesn’t even know the guy!

But if Eloy is honest, he’s touch-starved and it kills him inside, kills him when Jace shows kindness, when Jace brushes his fingers against his skin, when he helps tend to his wound.

It kills him inside knowing how weak he truly is.

NINE

Eloy is tense, stiff, body aching with apprehension as he sneaks around the house.

There’s one thing missing, one thing he depends on to survive, to make it to his destination.  It’s the one thing Jace didn’t bring back, probably didn’t find.  His cross bow.

He has two arrows in his bag and one missing, one still loaded and waiting to be fired.

He needs it back.

And as he reaches for the door handle, a hand grasps his injured arm before he’s pinned against the door.

“Where do you think you’re going?”  A husky voice asks, rough from sleep.

Eloy doesn’t answer, only breathes harshly as his heart races in fear.

“Answer me,” Jace orders.

“The store!”  Eloy squeaks, voice filled with panic when the hold only tightens.

It’s been two weeks cooped up in the house.  Two weeks of recuperating and three since he took his shot.

There’s still one in his bag, but he refuses to use the last bit of happiness he has left.

“The store?”

Jace finally lets him go and Eloy crumbles to the floor, falling to his knees before the man, grasping his chest as his heart beats out of control.

“Why?”

Eloy looks up, feeling small when he faces Jace, “there’s something I need to get back.”

“What is it?”

“Crossbow,” he mumbles, cheeks burning, “I need my crossbow back.”

“Crossbow?”

Eloy nods, “I had it with me when we first met, but it must have gotten kicked away from my bag because you didn’t bring it back which means you never even saw it.”

“And why do you need it?”

Eloy comes clean, “I need to go.”

I need to leave.

Get out of here.

Away from you.

“Where?”

Eloy doesn’t answer, not directly, “that is not something you should concern yourself with.”

“It is when you’re my responsibility,” the man argues.

“No, I’m not.  I’m better, now,” he lies, hiding a wince of pain, “I was only your responsibility because you felt guilty, but I’m fine.  Thanks to you, I’m still alive.”

The fact that he almost died because of him is left unsaid.

Jace’s jaw sets, “I’ll come with you.”

“What?”

“I said I’ll come with you.  Here.”

The man is no longer looking at him as he offers Eloy a hand.  Eloy takes it, melting as the warm hand wraps around his.

They tape up their extremities in silence, the only sound is their soft breathing as they prepare.

“Infected shouldn’t be out right now,” Jace whispers, “at least not a lot.  We should be okay, but it’ll be better if we take extra precaution.”

“Do you reckon they sleep?” Eloy wonders.

“Don’t do that, don’t think that.”

Eloy stops what he’s doing, looking at Jace with a tilt of his head.  A small frown on his lips.

“Dont give them any human qualities or characteristics,” the man sighs, “They may look human, but they’re past that.  They’re dead, they’re infected, they’re zombies.”

Eloy bites his lip, nodding solemnly.  Jace is right.  They’re not humans, they’re undead and emotionless.

He huffs a small frustrated breath and presses the heels of his hands to his eyes until he sees lights.  This sucks.

He almost wishes he could be dead, wishes he could be an infected right now.  At least he would have nothing to worry about, nothing to think about.

“Hey,” Jace coos.

Eloy removes his hands and looks at Jace, “I’m good.  Let’s just go.”

He reaches for the door knob only for Jace to stop him.  His heart flutters when Jace places a leather jacket over his shoulders.

He looks at the man questioningly.

“Leather, hard to bite through,” the man shrugs, voice colored in embarrassment.

“What about you?” Eloy asks.

“Don’t worry about me.  In this type of situation, always worry about yourself and your survival first.”

Eloy doesn’t have time to point out the hypocrisy because Jace is already out the door and Eloy struggles to catch up.

They tread in silence, breathing softly as they sneak around cautiously.

They don’t encounter anything or anyone and for a moment it feels like it’s just them.

Just the two of them against the world.

But the minute they step inside the store, Eloy separates from Jace.  He hurries to the pharmacy section and looks everywhere until…

“Found it!” Eloy whispers excitedly, his crossbow hidden behind the counter still loaded.

Jace, at a much tamer pace, approaches the younger man.

He looks at the weapon appreciatively.

“I, uh, actually don’t have a lot of arrows,” Eloy frowns, slipping out the arrow in the barrel.

“Follow me,” Jace says softly.

One look and he has a solution.

Steel tipped darts.

“We can shape them at home, trim off the back and add something hefty to even out the weight.”

Eloy nods eagerly, taking as many as he can with Jace’s help.

Just when they’re about to leave they hear a noise.

They stop breathing, Jace pushing Eloy behind him as they edge closer to the aisle where the noise came from.

A groan.

An infected staring at empty fish tanks, filled with dirty water but void of any life.

Eloy gags when he sees the zombie dunk its head in the tank to drink.

Jace tugs at his arm, his hand slipping into Eloy’s as they walk away from the confusing scene.

And once outside, they run.

Hand in hand.

They run.

Back home.

TEN

Eloy doesn’t talk to Alexis and they’ve reached something akin to a truce as he spends another day with the small family.

He’s in the middle of making arrows for his crossbow when he feels Jace approach him.

He looks up at the man, smiling when he sees a little girl cradled in his arms.  He waves at her and receives a short wave back before she suckles her curled fist.

“Hey,” Jace greets, sitting across from him.

“Hi,” the younger replies.

Jace carefully places the tot down and she waddles curiously toward Eloy.  He immediately picks her up, scooping her into his arms as she reaches for one of his finished arrows.

Eloy looks at Jace when he hears an amused laugh falling from his lips, the ex-officer staring at the pair with something Eloy can’t quite decipher.

Eloy ducks his head before handing him the little girl, “Maybe you should take your daughter back.”

He misses the confusion flickering in Jace’s eyes as he chooses to focus on his deadly project.  Instead, the void is filled with the sound of steps walking away.

And he breathes in relief at being left alone.  He can’t stand being in the same room as Jace.  Not after spending almost a month with him, not anymore.

But the silence is short lived when Jace returns, arm crossed over his chest and biceps bulging.

“You think Ella is my daughter?”

“Isn’t she?” Eloy asks, not expecting an answer as he motions the man to pass him the knife.

Jace frowns and again is stopped before he can even get a word in.

“You said you were a state trooper, right?”

“Yes and about El-”

“Can you teach me?” Eloy asks, “how to fight.”

“Teach you?  You mean hand-to-hand?”

The younger nods.

“Hand-to-hand won’t help you with zombies.  In fact, keeping your distance will ensure you won’t get bitten, or hurt.”

“It’s not about the zombies,” Eloy says honestly, “there’s gotta be other people out there, other survivors.  And I know for a fact that zombies aren’t petty, they don’t focus on revenge.  But if you cross a human, they’ll go after you and ruin you.  I want to… I want to be able to protect myself.”

I’ll

protect

you , is on the tip of Jace’s tongue, but he stops himself and nods.

“You up for some sparring, now?”

Eloy stops what he’s doing and looks at the man with eagerness, “really?”

“Yes, but we’ll have to train on the roof.”

Eloy nods, he’s up for anything.

And that’s how they end up on the roof.

Crunches, push ups, squats, and high kicks ensure that Eloy will wake up sore.  But the best part is when Jace attacks him.

Throws a punch he can’t block.

He stumbles back, but doesn’t fall.

“Part your legs,” Jace orders, “center your balance.”

Eloy nods and takes the next blow.  This time he doesn’t falter.

They fight until they’re sweaty, until they’re panting, until Eloy is under Jace.

Jace looks into Eloy’s eyes, pinning the man.

Eloy is breathing shallowly, feeling himself grow aroused as his cheeks flush with more than exertion.

“She isn’t mine,” Jace whispers against Eloy’s ear.

“What?” He breathes.

“Ella, James,” Jace explains, “they’re not mine.”

Eloy pulls away and looks at Jace in surprise.

“I don’t know what you’ve been thinking up in that little head of yours, but they’re not mine.  Alexis is my sister.  They’re my neice and nephew and their father, Ryan, was my best friend.”

“O-Oh,” the younger stutters.

“Did you really think-”

“Yes,” Eloy mumbles, face burning in embarrassment.

He brings his hands up to hide his reddening face.

Jace pulls them away, reveals Eloy’s warm face.

“Sorry,” he mumbles.

Jace snorts, “sorry?”

“For making assumptions.”

Jace nods and lets him go, but as he adjusts himself above Eloy, he feels the boy’s arousal against his thigh.

He presses just a bit more and Eloy gasps, moans , at the touch.

Jace grins, eyes glinting with mischief.

“Don’t,” Eloy whimpers.

“Don’t?” Jace taunts.

Eloy’s back arches as Jace teases.  He bites his lip but only manages to cry out as the touch intensifies his want, his need.

“Can I?” Jace asks, begs , looking into the younger’s eyes.

“Yes, oh god yes,” Eloy nods.

They get lost in sensation alone.

ELEVEN

Eloy whimpers, rocking his hips against Jace’s thigh until Jace stops him with a hand on his hip.

He chokes on a moan when Jace nibbles at his sensitive ear, the man quickly popping off the button on Eloy’s tight jeans.

Fuck , the sight of a slight bulge of the younger’s obvious assets straining against his boxers quite visibly makes him almost orgasm.

“Shit, baby boy,” he groans, “look at you.”

Eloy bucks his hips, moaning he begs, “do-don’t stare.”

“Why not?” Jace asks, “You look absolutely gorgeous, fucking amazing.”

He gives into his urge to lean down and lick the little bulge through the wet fabric.  The tease makes Eloy gasp in surprise.  He wants to close his thighs, cross his legs, hide away.  But Jace is gentle and patient and an utter tease.

He slips off Eloy’s boxers slowly, eyes growing darker with lust as soft supple skin is exposed.  His fingers gently touch the tip of Eloy’s little cock begging for attention.  But he bypasses the small erection in favor of what’s hidden behind.  He parts the hidden folds gently to find slick wetness.

That’s where Eloy draws the line.

He closes his thighs and hides his face in shame.

Jace doesn’t like that, doesn’t like making his baby boy uncomfortable.

“What’s wrong?” He asks the boy softly, refraining himself from touching Eloy.  Not without his consent.  Not without his comfort.

It takes Eloy a few deep breaths before he can look at Jace again.

“Never been touched,” he admits softly, “Never… never really thought about it either.”

“If you don’t want to, we don’t have to do anything.  We can take it slow.”

Eloy looks so gorgeous as his brows furrow, half naked for the world to see, pink lip caught between his teeth.

“I want to, God, I want to,” Eloy says, “just… just be gentle, please.”

And the way he begs makes Jace want to agree to anything.  That is until something occurs to him.

“Condom,” he says suddenly.

Eloy huffs an embarrassed laugh before reaching out for Jace and drawing the man closer, “the chances of getting pregnant are low for me right now, we don’t have to worry about that and I’m clean, if that’s a concern.”

“I’m clean too,” Jace assures, “but are you sure?”

Eloy nods, “yeah, I’m sure.”

And that’s all Jace needs to lose himself in Eloy.

They take it slow.

Easy.

Jace treasures Eloy as he fucks him.  Slipping inside that warm cavern as the younger’s breath hitches in his throat.  The glide smooth and deep.

Eloy wraps and twists his hands in the fabric of Jace’s shirt as the man thrusts inside him.  He sets a rhythm.  Fucks Eloy deep, hard, and fast.  Even rips soft moans that Eloy muffles with back of his hand in pleasure.  He dips down and bites, sucks, and kisses little bruises into abused skin.

Eloy comes first with a soft cry, untouched.

The intensity knocks the breath from his chest as his back arches, his stretched little hole squeezing tightly around Jace’s cock, the man following and spilling inside him.

And he blacks out for a split second, spots dancing in front of his eyes as he orgasms again, feeling too sensitive and overstimulated, too full.

“Are you okay?” Jace asks, breathing harshly against his ear.

Eloy is dazed, but manages a weak nod.

Jace’s amused laugh makes his heart flutter inside his chest.  Slowly, carefully, Jace slips out of Eloy.

Eloy winces, but he feels good, he feels so goo d.

Jace’s fingers touch the warm petals again, and this time Eloy doesn’t shy away.

“You’re still gorgeous, still handsome, still man-enough.”

Tears prick Eloy’s eyes and his throat gets a bit tight as he whimpers a quiet, “thank you.”

Jace nods, staring at the younger sincerely, earnestly, wiping away his tears.

It makes Eloy stop breathing before the moment breaks because Jace is kind, caring, and careful.  He’s honest .

He cleans them up as best he can before picking up Eloy in his arms, the younger’s legs too weak to support his weight after having sex on the roof.

Eloy hides a small smile in the man’s chest as he says, “You were my first.”

Jace almost stops, almost wishes he could’ve made it better, made it romantic .

But his pride takes over and as he bites Eloy’s ear, he responds with a pleased, “good.”

TWELVE

Jace finds Eloy in bed sitting criss-cross and staring at a small vial between his nimble fingers. He leans against the doorframe, keeping silent as he watches him fondly.

Eloy spares him a glance, lip caught between his teeth and he tends to do that when he’s thinking, debating, weighing out the pros and cons. Jace has learned as such from his baby boy, has learned all his little quirks these past few weeks. It still amazes him how attuned he’s become to the younger man’s body, to his thoughts and his needs.

And right now, Jace knows Eloy’s thoughts aren’t in a good place. Can see it in the way his lips are pulled down in a frown, see it in his eyes.

He tries to make light conversation, to steer away those dark clouds, “You never told me.”

“Told you what?” Eloy asks, voice muffled as he drags his knees to his chest as best he can.

The vial placed by his feet.

“You never told me what you were doing outside, the night we met at the store,” Jace says, “granted I never asked.”

And Jace wishes he could take back the words that only manage to make Eloy more uncomfortable.

He’s about to tell the younger man to forget about it when Eloy sighs, “I was making a stop, trying to search for medicine just in case… you know. I just wanted to stock up on supplies.”

“But you had more than enough in your bag to last a few days,” Jace points out, realizing belatedly that he can’t keep his trap shut.

“I was going to… to…” Eloy hesitates, he stutters, wondering if he can tell Jace only to remember that Jace already knows .

The man has seen him, has seen his most private parts, the parts he wishes didn’t exist but has come to enjoy. Yet there’s still some part of him that is afraid, so afraid — of rejection, of abandonment, of everything.

Jace sits beside Eloy and carefully takes the vial in his hands, the motion making Eloy tense.

Don’t , at the tip of his tongue.

“Testosterone?” Jace asks, though it sounds more of a statement.

“To be a guy, a-a man,” Eloy begins, voice breaking, “to be normal, I take it. I-I’m supposed to take it every weeks but I tried to stretch it to two weeks since… since the end of the world.”

And that’s when Jace connects the dots, Eloy hasn’t been taking it.

“This is the last one… right?”

He nods, “it’s my last bit of sanity.”

“Why don’t you take it?”

“I… I wanted to make it last, I wanted… I wanted so much to make it last,” Eloy answers, “but I realize that I can’t and I’m scared to take it, for it to be the last one.”

“You where going for more, you were searching for more, the night we met.”

The younger man nods, “I was on my way to my Endocrinologist, to raid the supplies. But I knew I wouldn’t make it in one shot. I was aware that I would need to make stops, to lay low unless I wanted to become an infected. The night we met, I just needed some supplies to tide me over.”

“But I shot you, I stopped you,” Jace frowns, reaching for Eloy and finding the younger leaning into his touch.

“But you found me,” Eloy whispers.

“And what were you going to do, if and when you got what you needed? Did you plan on coming back, back to your safe place?”

Eloy’s brows furrow. He hadn’t thought of that, of what he would do.

“I… I don’t know,” he admits.

“You can still go,” Jace offers, “you can still do what you want to do. Get your medication and keep moving, keep going.”

That sits badly inside of Eloy’s chest and he shakes his head, “No, god, no. Not… Not if it means leaving you.”

Jace smiles, pressing a kiss to Eloy’s forehead.

“What about you? Did you plan on leaving here? With Alexis and the… the kids?”

“Yes,” Jace answers, “The night I met you I was collecting whatever I could to take on a one-way trip out of here.”

Eloy stops breathing. Just a few days, perhaps a few seconds, and he may have never met Jace. His heart suddenly hurts at the thought.

“Why didn’t you beforehand?” He asks, throat tight.

The apocalypse had been raging on for almost two months before they met. So, why hadn’t Jace moved before? As an officer, knowing the odds of surviving if they continued like waiting ducks, why didn’t he leave?

“Because Alexis has been… difficult. She’s holding onto the idea that Ryan will come back. But Ryan… the last time I saw him… I just knew he wasn’t coming back. From experience I know that it’s never safe to settle, not here, not anywhere. I was so close to just… just leaving. I understand her pain, he was my best friend, but her priority should be the safety of her children,” Jace sighs.

“I’m sorry,” Eloy whispers, cradling Jace against his chest.

Jace draws from his warmth, “He wanted me to protect her, our parents wanted me to protect her. But she’s always been stubborn, and I think, I think that I would’ve gone insane if I had never met you.”

Eloy snorts softly at that.

Jace pulls back and opens his palm. Eloy looks at the little taunting vial again.

“Take it,” The ex-officer encourages, “don’t hesitate, don’t try to hold onto the memories of what it feels like to be complete, instead take the moment and feel it now .”

The fact that they may not have a tomorrow goes unspoken.

But it hangs there, over their heads, inside their minds.

The what if’s, the maybes, the possibilities.

What if one of them doesn’t make it back from an excursion?

What if one of them becomes an infected?

What if they die tomorrow?

“We’ll pack,” Jace continues conspiratorially, “and we’ll leave. Tomorrow, we’ll leave. We’ll find your doctor’s office, we’ll keep moving, we’ll find a home— find a place untouched by the undead and infected.”

It sounds too good to be true.

Especially when he’s seen Jace’s hope diminish after trying and failing to contact someone, anyone , with his radio.

But he holds onto just a sliver of hope.

“Help me?”

And Jace does.

He helps clean the younger’s thigh with rubbing alcohol before taking the plunge.

And he kisses away Eloy’s pained tears.

“Tomorrow?” Eloy rasps after he’s calmed, the pain from the injection a dull ache.

“Tomorrow,” Jace promises.

THIRTEEN

Jace is making dinner when he comes face-to-face with his younger sister.  And he knows that each encounter ends worse than the last, but he needs to put his foot down.

He doesn’t talk.  If anything, he waits for her to start.  In the meantime, he observes her, takes note of the dark bags under her dull eyes which speak of sleepless nights.  Notes the way her unruly hair tangles in knots, how her body tenses as she holds Ella on her hip.  She looks defeated, exhausted.  But there’s a look in her eyes, a look of displeasure, as she corners him.

“Finally spread his legs for you, huh,” she drawls.

Jace clenches his jaw and watches as the water b

oils, boils, boils

• like his blood.

“He’s going to be the death of us, you know.”

Her voice is grating to his ears as she goes on and criticizes Eloy as if she’s any better with her hypocrisy.  It annoys him, ticks him off, rubs him the wrong way.

“He isn’t good for you, he isn’t Jessie,” she whispers at last.

“We ended things for a reason,” Jace grits, walking over and covering Ella’s ears, “and if I’m honest, I’m happier with Eloy and I barely even know him with the shitstorm that has become our life.  So, do me a favor and stop talking about Jessie, about all the bullshit of our past.  If you haven’t noticed, we’re in the middle of the fucking apocalypse.”

Alexis pulls away, dislodging his hands from his niece’s ears.

Jace takes a deep breath and calms down before dropping the bombshell on his sister, “we’re leaving.”

She freezes, body tensing more, to the point where it looks almost painful, “what?”

“I’m doing what we should’ve done weeks ago.  We’re leaving, Alexis- you, me, the kids.  And Eloy is coming with us.”

“No,” she says, voice breaking and eyes looking around her home wildly, “ no. “

“We don’t have a choice,” Jace stresses, “the longer we stay here, the bigger the risk of something, anything , going wrong.  We have to keep moving and I want you to come with us.”

“But Ryan-”

“Is gone.  We both know this,” Jace whispers painfully, “He’s gone, Alex.  Please, think about Ella and James.”

The tears that well in her eyes spill as she buries her face in her daughter’s baby soft hair.  A tug to her jeans and she finds James looking up at her, eyes bright and so much like his father’s.

But soon enough she turns her gaze to Eloy who passes by timidly, her eyes narrowing into a glare she can’t contain, “it’s because of him, it’s all because of him!  He’s brainwashed you!  He-He’s trying to get us killed, to ruin us!  You know what will happen if we step foot outside!  Everything is all his fault!”

She lashes out at him, and Jace doesn’t have the time to react as her nails scratch along Eloy’s skin.  Red angry welts appearing on his cheek, a grimace on his lips.

And when it looks like she’s about to try again, Jace stops her.  His hand squeezing her wrist tightly until she bruises, until she yield s.

She looks at him almost surprised, her heart leaping in panic when he takes Ella from her arms and hands her over to him.

“No,” she breathes, face burning red in anger, “give her back!  Give me my daughter!  Don’t you dare touch her with your filthy hands!”

“Take the kids to our room,” Jace orders.

Eloy looks at the siblings torn.  He doesn’t want to distress the kids or Alexis anymore, but Jace is serious and he can’t go against the man’s order.

“Now, Eloy,” he demands, not sparing them a glance.

Jace’s eyes are focused on Alexis, on her blotchy red face.

Eloy nods, obeying Jace without question.  He takes James by the hand as he carries Ella in his arms toward his shared room with Jace.

He looks at Jace pleadingly, hoping he isn’t too harsh on the distraught woman.

“Are we really leaving, uncle Eli?”

Eloy smiles at the little one and nods, “yeah, we are.”

“Don’t listen to him!” Alexis shouts, failing to get past her brother, “don’t listen to his lies!  We aren’t leaving without daddy!”

“Enough!” Jace yells.

He’s tired of going over the same shit over and over again.  When will she understand?

“Alexis,” he begins softly, grip loosening, “please.”

At his plea she stops, her chest heaves but she’s no longer struggling.  She stares at him, shaking her head in that stubborn denial.

“Please,” Jace begs, “please, take a step back and look.  Really look at the situation.”

Her breaths are short and panicky.  She doesn’t want to look, doesn’t want to see what she already knows.  She closes her eyes tightly, but the tears still fall.

“I’m sorry,” Jace whispers, pulling her close in an embrace, “it should’ve been me.  That day Ryan died, it should’ve been me .”

She shakes her head, clutching tightly onto her brother.

Either way she would’ve lost someone she loved.  Oh god does it hurt.  It hurts so much she can barely breathe.

“We have to go,” Jace repeats softly.

And this time around she nods.

“I’ll get better,” she promises.

The image of her children scared of her as she screamed at Eloy, at them, burned into her mind, “I’ll get better… better for them.”

Jace can’t help but breathe in relief.

FOURTEEN

Eloy packs his clothes, heart feeling warm and light as he sees James ready to go with his Spider-Man backpack strapped to his shoulders eagerly.

They’re in the living room waiting for the final rays of sun to disappear, shadows growing thick.  There’s an excited tension in the air as they shift in their spots waiting impatiently.

It’s when the final beams of light hide behind the array of trees that Jace talks.

“Eloy,” he calls.

Eloy stands at attention, looking at his… his lover(?) with a tilt of his head.

“I want you to take Ella,” he says.

A protest is on Alexis’s lips, but she looks at Jace and sees his reasoning.

“I’ll take James,” he adds to reassure her.

She nods, biting back a comment as Eloy adjusts Ella on his hip.

“Ready?”

It’s James who responds, “Yeah!”

Jace smiles, ruffling his nephew’s hair adoringly, “Alright.  Remember, keep quiet, stay alert.  Com’on bud.”

The door ominously creaks open, a blanket of darkness falling over them as they step onto the soft grass.

The air is humid, too humid, as it makes their skin sticky with sweat despite the cool cover of night.

They don’t complain, though.

Jace leads ahead, tugging at James’ little hand as they walk silently.

Eloy takes the rear, Ella nodding off against his shoulder.  He doesn’t complain, not even when his arm begins to feel numb.

They walk for half an hour and it feels like they’ve made no progress.  Except, everytime Alexis looks back, she can no longer see her home.

She stays quiet and holds back her tears though.  Her main focus now her children.

They pause by a house, pressing close to the wall and she glances back expecting to find Eloy with her daughter.  Instead she finds Ella, alone and looking disoriented as she stands behind her.

Her heart hammers inside her chest as she scoops her up, quickly tugging at Jace’s shirt.

“What?” The man whispers, turning to face the group.

His heart stops when he can’t find Eloy.

“Where-”

“I don’t know,” she whispers back, voice urgent, “he was here, with her, but now he’s not.  I only found Ella, I don’t kn-”

Eloy appears breathing harshly and covered in black blood that can only belong to an undead.

“Sorry,” he breathes, “the infected we passed by saw me and Ella.  Started following and I-”

Jace doesn’t let him finish.  He approaches the man and pulls him into a tight hug, an embrace of pure relief.

Eloy’s arms wrap around Jace without thought.  He holds the man close, breathes a soft sigh as Jace presses his ear to his chest.  Jace has never felt so relieved to hear another’s heartbeat, to feel another’s warmth.

“I’m sorry,” Eloy mutters.

Jace finally pulls back and kisses Eloy as if his life depended on it.  Eloy’s eyes flutter shut as he melts.

“You’re safe, it’s okay,” Jace assures when he gets the will to part.

Eloy nods, looking dazed and flushed.

When the older man speaks next, he directs it to everyone, “We’ll walk a bit more and then we’ll find a house to lay low.”

And although Jace takes the lead again, with James in his arms fast asleep, he doesn’t miss the chance to look back, to lock eyes with Eloy.

FIFTEEN

They’re forced to stop walking when rain begins to fall from heavy dark clouds hanging over their heads, starting as a light drizzle that drenches them completely within minutes.

Jace’s jaw clenches.  They have to stop.  He doesn’t want to, not yet, but they have to.

He motions for them to press against the wall of a small house, to stay hidden in the dark, in the shadows.

“We need to stop,” he voices, the sound of rain and thunder nearly drowning him out, “I’m going into the house, need to check if it’s safe.”

A protest is on Eloy’s lips when the man approaches him and hands him James, “if anything happens to me-”

“Nothing will happen to you,” Eloy frowns, lips pouted.

“But if anything does,” Jace whispers, “promise to keep going, to find somewhere safe.”

“You shouldn’t go alone,” the younger argues.

Jace only offers him a fond reassuring smile before closing the distance between them as best he can to press his lips against Eloy’s.

“If I’m not back in ten, leave,” Jace says, “understood?”

Reluctantly, Eloy nods.  Before Jace can leave though, he pulls him back again.  Their kiss deeper, as if it were their last.

Jace smiles and heads inside.  It’s hard to see, the fuse blown and light scarce.  He navigates through the seemingly empty house, gun drawn and pointed.  He checks room after room and thankfully he finds nothing threatening, finds no one.

He hurries toward the back door, stumbling and tripping over miscellaneous things, but he manages.  He gets outside and nods at Alexis and Eloy who follow him inside a bit ansty.p

“Shit it’s cold,” Alexis curses, carefully placing Ella on the couch as she squeezes the water from her dirty blond hair.

Her baby girl doesn’t even stir.

Jace nods as he scrubs his face tiredly, “it’s the rain.  When I checked the house I noticed a room up the stairs with a bed big enough for the kids.  You can take the one next door.”

“What about you?” Alexis asks.

“I’ll stay here and keep watch,” Jace answers.

“I’ll stay with,” Eloy adds, glancing at Jace.

Eventually Alexis retreats and Jace helps with the kids.  Eloy stays downstairs in the living room, scavenging for blankets and pillows to make a comfortable nest.  Jace is impressed when he returns.

“Hungry?” Eloy asks, heading to the kitchen.

“I could eat,” the man nods.

They find stale chips that they munch on and save the equally stale cookies for the kids.

When they’re done with the crumbs, Jace pulls Eloy toward him.

Eloy hums, snuggling close to the warmth.

They kiss languidly, heat building between their desperate bodies.  Eloy straddles Jace’s hips, moaning breathless as he feels the man’s hard cock straining against his jeans.

Jace buries his face in Eloy’s neck, nibbling and biting bruises into the soft tan skin, leaving his mark.

“Ja-Jace,” he gasps.

“Hush,” Jace says, “don’t want to wake the kids.”

“Do-Don’t tease,” Eloy whimpers.

Jace doesn’t listen, he teases the boy until Eloy is a whimpering mess begging for relief.  Clothes begin to disappear, revealing their bottom half as Eloy grinds on top of Jace’s erection.  Skin on skin.  And Jace is so tempted to slip inside the wet warmth.

But instead he stops, pulls back and admires his work.

Eloy is breathless and flushed, just a bit disoriented as he stares dazedly at Jace.

Jace who is reluctant, but curious.

“What’s wrong?” Eloy moans, “Why’d you stop?”

Jace nuzzles his neck before pulling back again and staring into Eloy’s eyes sincerely, “Can I see you?  All of you?”

At that, Eloy becomes shy and closed off.  He pulls away completely and tries to get off of Jace.  Jace doesn’t let him, his hands grasping deliciously curved hips tightly.

“You don’t have to, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want.  But I want to see you, hold you, feel you.”

Eloy’s cheeks burn bright.

He’s scared to show himself bare, to show Jace all his imperfections.  Jace, though, is amazing.  He’s patient and loving, he’s… everything.

Eloy carefully takes off his shirt and he feels Jace’s eyes on him.  He carefully sits up and faces Jace, reaching for his callous hands and dragging it toward his quivering belly and up.  Jace lets the boy do as he wants until his fingers are tracing the edge of the constricting cloth.  He stares into honey brown eyes questioningly.

“Help me?”

He agrees without hesitation, carefully pulling up the chest binder and revealing more and more warm supple flesh.

Eloy shivers, feeling exposed as Jace devours him with his gaze.

“Don’t stare,” Eloy breathes, crossing his arms over his bre- chest.

Jace scratches at the back of his neck apologetically, “sorry, baby boy.  You’re just breathtaking, handsome, gorgeous .  And you’re mine.”

Eloy’s lips twitch into a small smile, “yes, I’m yours.”

Jace watches as Eloy slowly slinks onto his aching cock and fuck , he’s so tight, so warm.  It’s hard to hold back, to not come from that alone.  His hands immediately reach for Eloy’s hips, steadying his handsome boy as he bottoms out.

“Shit, baby,” Jace groans, “how long have you been wet for me?”

Eloy whimpers, “Oh god.”

“Answer me,” Jace orders, thrusting up, harsh and fast.

Eloy gasps, and he tries to muffle his screams of pleasure.  Jace kisses him fervently, swallowing his little erotic cries.

“How long, baby boy?”

“-day,” Eloy sobs, “all day, daddy.”

“Shit,” Jace groans, stilling as he spills inside Eloy.

He reaches between their bodies and barely a touch to Eloy’s aching little cock, has the younger orgasming until spots dance in front of his eyes.  He slumps forward, resting against Jace tired and spent.

“Are you okay?” Jace asks.

“Yeah,” Eloy nods, gasping when Jace’s thumbs tease and rub his pert nipples, large hands cupping his breasts.

“Strong and handsome,” Jace praises, “and all mine .”

“Yours,” Eloy babbles incoherently as they start round two, “ yours, yours, yours! “

SIXTEEN

Jace doesn’t know why, but he wakes up.  Eloy is cuddled against his side, head resting on his chest as he snores lightly.  He looks peaceful, handsome, and Jace will never get tired of waking up with him in his arms.

He snaps to attention, however, when something clatters in the direction of the kitchen.  The noise is loud enough to rouse Eloy from sleep as he looks around disoriented.

“Jace?” He mumbles sleepily.

“I’ll go check,” Jace says, slipping from Eloy’s warmth.

Eloy frowns, shaking his head, “I’ll go with you.”

A firm no is at the tip of his tongue, but he could never say no to Eloy.  He agrees, though not at all happy.

“Here, put this on,” Jace orders as he puts his jeans on commando style.

Eloy puts the clothing on without question and Jace appreciates the view.  His baby boy looking adorably sleepy with his tee shirt on and falling mid-thigh.  If they were in any other situation, he would’ve ripped it right off.  As it is, he offers Eloy his hand and helps him up.

Eloy grimaces at the feel of dried cum on his thighs, but he follows Jace close behind without complaint.

Jace has his gun out, fully aware that he’s running low on ammo and can’t be wasting more bullets than he has to.

They’re both on high alert as they enter the kitchen, the fridge door swung open and hiding the intruder.

Jace is about to fire when Eloy stops him.  He looks at the younger man confused, heart stopping when Eloy takes another step towards the intruder.

“Hello?” Eloy calls.

A little head pokes out and they breathe in relief.

“Sowwy, uncle Eli, uncle Jace,” James mutters.

Jace drops the gun to his side before clicking the safety on.

“Are you okay?” Eloy asks concerned, opening his arms for the little boy.

“I’m okay,” James nods, but it’s then that his tummy decides to growl.

“You hungry kiddo?”

The boy nods, “I wanted cereal.”

Jace stops and shares a despairing look with Eloy.

“There’s some in the cupboard,” Eloy motions, a twinkle soon appearing in James’ eyes.

“But there’s no milk,” Jace explains gently.

The little excited twinkle dies, “oh.”

“You can eat it dry or with water,” Jace offers, grimacing at the idea.

“Can I try with water?”

Eloy is the one who takes the bowl and fills it both with cereal and water.  James digs in with a spoon, swallowing hard around the first spoonful and then the next.  Jace frowns.  It can’t be that good.  But he remembers how Alexis raised him.  To never waste food and eat all the yucky vegetables and such.  It breaks his heart to see him try so hard.

“If it’s not good,” Eloy begins, “then don’t force yourself to eat it.”

“It-It’s good,” James lies.

Jace reaches for the spoon and shoves it into his mouth, internally wishing he hadn’t done that.

“Yeah, not good,” Jace says with a wrinkle of his nose.

He grabs the bowl and dumps it in the sink.

James looks a little defeated and really hungry as he holds his tummy.

“Cookies,” Eloy whispers.

Jace nods and takes out the stale cookies.

James looks at the box with a tilt of his head, tentatively reaching out.

The first bite isn’t so bad, and before they know he’s eaten five.

“Good?” Jace smiles, ruffling his hair.

James nods, “really good.”

Eloy can’t help but look a little sad.  Is this what they have to look forward to?  Stale food?

And those depressive thoughts are crawling back into his mind.  Thoughts that are kissed away by Jace who wraps an arm around his waist protectively.

“We’ll find something good,” he promises against his ear, “we’ll find some place safe.”

Eloy doubts it, but nods anyway.

SEVENTEEN

Somehow, they make it to the abandoned doctor’s office after four nights and three days of traveling. Alexis doesn’t say anything as they walk inside the building, Jace finding a small dark corner for the kids to sleep in.  Instead, she stays behind with a baseball bat hanging loosely in her hand, protective over her children.

Eloy takes the opportunity to look around a bit heart broken. He’s been coming to thise office for a few years now and it brings a pang of sadness to see the chaos and destruction.

Jace slips his hand inside Eloy’s until their fingers twine together. A light squeeze making Eloy walk forth, both men looking everywhere for signs of the undead or, perhaps, even survivors.

Eventually, Eloy stops at a broken door and Jace peers inside.

There are rows of shelves and Eloy’s eyes wander, searching for the one thing he wants and has fought for half his life.

He stops short when he feels a crunch underneath his shoes. He looks down and his heart shatters .

“No,” he whispers.

Jace stands beside him and picks up a broken shard with a ripped label. Eloy’s bottom lip trembles in disappointment as he picks up another shard.

All the vials, all the medicine, smashed and broken, dried on the ground and leaving behind nothing else but a residue.  He’s at a loss and even Jace doesn’t know what to say.

So, he settles on a sympathetic, “I’m sorry.”

Eloy’s laugh is hollow as he turns to face Jace, the shard digging into his skin as he squeezes his hand tightly.  Jace careful cups Eloy’s bleeding hand, the broken glass falling with droplets of red as the man kisses Eloy’s cool fingertips.

“I’m so sorry,” Jace whispers sincerely, “and I’m sorry I can’t understand how you really feel.  But I want you to know that you don’t need T to be a man, you’re more than enough man without it.  You’re still you, and I admire you for your strength and courage.”

Eloy sniffles, nodding at Jace’s soft spoken praises, “just… half my life I’ve been fighting to get HRT (hormone replacement therapy) and when I finally got it, I felt… I felt good.  I felt like me, like I was complete.  And now, now it’ll be like before.”

He crosses his arms over his flattened chest and shrinks in on himself.  Jace frowns, he doesn’t like seeing Eloy upset, doesn’t like seeing him hurting.

He drags him to a chair while he searches for gauze and bandages which he uses to wrap Eloy’s injured hand.  Eloy is silent through out the entire time, lost in his thoughts.

Jace, however, snaps him out of it as he tilts the man’s chin up.

Their eyes lock for a brief moment.

And Jace, he presses his lips to Eloy’s, kisses him fervently.

Eloy melts into the kiss, breaking apart to breathe harshly.

“You will always be you,” Jace reassures, “we’ll figure it out, we can search for a pharmacy that may carry hormones, or another office?”

Eloy shakes his head, “no.”

“No?”

“I… No, I think you’re right… I don’t need it right now to define who I am.  I know who I am, and though I’ll miss the way it made me feel, I still have you.  You complete me in ways T never did.”

Jace smiles at the younger man endearingly, kissing the injured palm cleaned and covered with tenderness.

“I-”

He doesn’t get to finish when a man, a human man, appears behind Eloy with a gun drawn and aimed at his lover’s head.

Jace reacts quickly and pulls out his gun, pointing it at the stranger in turn.

Eloy tenses, breathing becoming short and erratic, “Jace?”

He pulls the trigger.

EIGHTEEN

Jace quickly shoves Eloy out of the way in case the man wants to retaliate despite the fact that he wasn’t aiming at him, but at the thing, the undead, behind. Eloy’s heart is racing, his breathing shallow as he tries to calm down. The man looks like he won’t yield, and Eloy fears he’ll kill Jace. But eventually the man relents as he lowers his shotgun to the floor and looks at the undead convulsing by his feet. Upon seeing the man lower his weapon, Jace follows by clicking on the safety of his own gun.

“Nice shot you got there,” the man, with peppered wiry hair, grunts mildly amused.

Jace nods, his eyes quickly shooting toward Eloy still crumbled on the floor shocked and just a bit terrified. The stranger’s eyes follow.

He laughs deeply as he offers Eloy a hand, “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.”

And Jace wishes he could shove the man away as Eloy reaches out apprehensively and clearly uncomfortable.

“You boys alright?”

“We’re fine,” Jace answers, adding, “sir,” as an afterthought.

“Good to hear,” the stranger grins, “Name’s John.”

“I’m Jace and this is Eloy,” Jace supplies, relieved when Eloy stands behind him.

“I’m assuming the beautiful woman and children downstairs are with you?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Well, I got to say that I owe you,” John nods toward the unmoving zombie.

“It was nothing,” Jace replies.

“Is it just you five?”

A nod.

“We have a safe place nearby,” John begins, “as a thank you for essentially saving me from becoming zombie chow, I’d like to invite you and the others.”

“A safe place?” Jace wonders.

Eloy tugs at Jace’s sleeve discreetly. He doesn’t trust the man, doesn’t like him. John had pointed a fucking gun to his head and if it weren’t for Jace… he doubts they’d be making friendly.

But Jace notices the first rays of sun peeking over the horizon and he knows they need to leave and find somewhere to hunker down, somewhere to hide while the undead start coming back to life. He glances at Eloy before agreeing, immediately noticing the way Eloy’s shoulders slump.

“Great,” John smiles pleased, “some of my men are waiting outside, the more the better so we can fight back against those motherfuckers.”

Jace agrees. Bigger numbers mean a bigger chance of survival. Finally, their luck seems to be turning around.

Jace follows the man with his gun drawn and Eloy follows behind them, quietly and contemplatively. They meet another undead but John shoots it right between the eyes.

Eloy flinches as brain matter splatters in chunks. He almost feels sick, his stomach revolting in queasiness at the sight. However, he swallows back the bile and keeps going.

Jace steals more than one look from Eloy but the younger won’t catch his eye.

They don’t talk, none of them do, as they catch up to the group of well-armed men guarding the clinic. He spots Alexis and the kids among them with a relieved smile on her face. Survivors. There’s more and that means they actually have a chance!

Eloy feels bad that he can’t share their excitement or relief.

And he eyes the enormous house wearily when it comes into view.

There are more people, a few women and some children as well.

They introduce themselves but to Eloy it feels like a blur and he can’t seem to remember their faces.

A semblance of relief finally washes over him when they’re shown to their rooms. Jace gives up bunking with Alexis, his excuse being the children. John understands.

“That’s great and all, but we only have one room left,” John muses with a sneer, “with only one bed. Guess you’ll have to figure out who takes the bed first.”

Jace stares at the bare room and the way John says it should’ve ticked him off first.

“Thank you, sir,” Jace says.

“You’re welcome son,” John smiles, clapping Jace’s back.

And just like that, the older man leaves them be with the door closed shut.

It’s only then, when he’s gone and they’re alone, that Eloy slowly takes off any duct tape and constricting clothing, leaving himself bare for Jace to see.

“Hey,” the man calls gently.

Eloy turns to him with a small smile that’s not quite there, “hey.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Eloy lies, taking a seat on the plush bed.

“You’re a terrible liar,” Jace notes.

“And you’re an ex-cop who was trained to detect when someone is lying,” the younger retorts.

Jace rolls his eyes but takes a seat beside him, “Glad we’re on the same page, so on that note, I need you to trust me.”

Eloy doesn’t hesitate to say, “I do trust you,” but proceeds to ask confuzzled, “What’s wrong?”

“John,” Jace answers, “There’s something about him and his demeanor… I just… Please trust me and don’t go outside of this room, not alone at least.”

Eloy tilts his head, but agrees regardless. He doesn’t want to leave this room alone either.

“Okay,” he whispers, “okay, I won’t.”

Jace smiles fondly at his lover, caressing his cheek gently, “I-”

Before he can even finish, a raspy high pitched voice shouts, “Breakfast!”

That sound makes Jace shoot up from the bed, startling a foot away as the door is opened.

An older red-head of a woman looks inside and smiles at the pair, “Breakfast, boys. Made pancakes so come get ’em before it’s too late.”

They smile awkwardly at her before nodding. Eloy’s heart still racing, and he wonders why Jace reacted the way he did, why he pulled away as if burned.

Jace opens the door for him and he no longer has time to think.

NINETEEN

The table is long and piled with mountains of warm food, steaming and ready to be devoured.  There are men sitting around the table, children running about, while women serve everyone else but themselves.  Eloy takes a seat across from Jace and next to a younger man, maybe a boy in his teens.  He’s shy and timid, his gaze glued to the tabletop as if in shame.

Eloy doesn’t dwell on it when his plate is places in front of him.  He takes the fork as they all begin eating.  James and Ella love the syrupy goodness, as does Jace and Alexis.  He, however, finds that he can’t really eat.  For some reason he’s not hungry.  Jace notices.

All Eloy can do is take a bite before pushing the rest around on his plate.  He’s not hungry.

“Everything alright sweetie?” The woman from before asks.

It seems like all chatter dies down as everyone stares at him.  Eloy doesn’t do well under pressure or under a lot of stares. 

He takes a gulp of orange juice before nodding, “Everything is delicious.  It all smells amazing and tastes even better, it’s just I’m not so hungry and I don’t mean any disrespect for your hard work and making it.”

“Oh nonsense,” she smiles pleased and flattered.

Eloy offers her a weak smile, “I’m sorry, if you don’t mind I’ll just turn in for a bit, I really am tired.”

He carefully piles the remaining of his pancakes onto James’ plate and any scrambled eggs he pushes onto Alexis’ plate with a small smile.  Alexis nods her thanks as he pushes up from his seat.

“If you don’t mind,” he turns to Jace, “I’ll take the bed for today.”

Jace doesn’t even answer before Eloy leaves.

He stares after his retreating form in concern.

John clears his throat and Jace realizes he’s waiting for what seems like an explanation, one he gives, “we’ve been traveling all night and he… He has a weak stomach, after seeing… well you know.”

John hums in understanding, “the zombie’s brain.”

The red-headed woman elbows the older man, “we’re eating here, no wonder that poor boy isn’t hungry.”

Quickly chatter resumes after that.

Everyone talks over everyone.  It’s almost nice.

Almost.

Eventually, Martha (the red-headed woman and John’s wife), brings out some beer which she poors into the orange juice.

Conversation flows easier.

And it gets John talking, well, preaching .

“Do you know,” he begins, “why all of this is going on?”

The question is directed toward Jace who shakes his head solemnly.

“It’s because of the freaks!”

The timid boy who sat beside Eloy flinches at the booming exclamation.

“The freaks, sir?”

“Yes,” John nods, “God is punishing us!  He is trying to purge our world of the freaks.”

“Who are the freaks?” Jace asks, he wishes he hadn’t.

“The gay s, the motherfuckers looking for attention, the ones who aren’t right in the mind!”

Jace’s heart seems to stop and leap to his throat as it gets stuck there.

“He is trying to save us from a world were these freaks flaunt themselves and try to corrupt our families!  And we, we, are helping Him.”

“How?” Jace asks tightly, hand clenching underneather the table.

“We either turn those motherfuckers straight or they serve a great sacrifice, ain’t that right Sean!”

Sean, the timid teen, nods mutely while looking ill as he pushes away his food.

Jace couldn’t be more relieved when breakfast is finished.

He thanks Martha for the delicious meal before he goes to his room, goes in search of his Eloy.

He finds the younger man curled up on the bed.

Jace closes the door softly, but Eloy isn’t sleeping.

He turns to face Jace with tired eyes.

“Hey,” Jace greets.

Eloy wiggles to create some space for his lover, but Jace shakes his head, “I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“What?” Eloy mutters hoarsely as he sits up a bit.

“You look tired, so I’ll sleep on the floor,” Jace repeats as he takes a seat beside the bed.

Eloy looks at Jace, his heart breaking.  He wants to ask why.  Instead he throws the blanket and pillow at the man.

“Eloy?”

“Take it,” he mumbles with hurt in his tone, “I already the bed anyway.”

Jace scrubs his face with a sigh on his lips.

All he wants is to protect Eloy.

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes with a cringe.

“Don’t.”  Eloy turns to his side, facing the wall and giving Jace his back.

Jace can admit that he deserves it. 

But that doesn’t stop him from reaching for Eloy as he whispers softly one last time, “I’m sorry.”

Eloy, however, moves away from his touch.  Now it’s him who doesn’t want to deal with Jace.  He closes his eyes and tries to swallow past the tears building in his eyes.  Tears that still fall and soak the sheets beneath his head.  Fuck him.

TWENTY

The first few weeks they spend in the house of survivors takes a toll on Eloy. He feels like he and Jace are falling farther apart with no explanation. There’s a tension growing between them the more they hide what they’re thinking. And it kills Eloy inside when they continue to sleep separately, the man not even suggesting they switch places, so he can rest on the bed. Instead, Jace chooses to sleep on the hardwood floor without complaint. And by the end of the first month, everyone has their own place in the house. Everyone except Eloy.

It’s a late Saturday when John asks Jace to join them in search of supplies as well as to hunt those, “motherfuckers down.”

Jace agrees but as soon as those cold hard eyes land on Eloy, Jace intervenes, “I think it’s better if he stays here.”

John raises a brow, “he’s not much to look at, after all he does look scrawny, but the more the merrier.”

“He’s not good at fighting or killing what’s already dead,” Jace lies, shooting Eloy a look.

Eloy plays his part as he looks thoroughly embarrassed with his eyes to the floor.

“I’d feel better if he stayed behind,” Jace adds, “so he’s not a burden. Plus, James and Ella adore him. I think he’ll be more useful here.”

Eloy’s cheeks burn at that.
So, he’s a burden?

“Alright, I trust your judgement,” John agrees.

It’s then that Eloy really realizes his value, his worth.

He excuses himself with shame in his eyes and hurries to their shared room where he slumps against the closed door with tears burning his eyes.
Fuck , he hates this. He hates this so fucking much. He thought… he thought that he and Jace… fuck .

He presses the heels of his hands to his eyes to staunch the tears that flow.

It’s then that a gentle knock lands on the door and he pushes away so he’s standing in the middle of the room looking lost, his face burning red and eyes bloodshot. Jace steps inside the room and his heart breaks. He’s been too harsh on Eloy, to cruel and distant. And he opens his arms for Eloy, Eloy who lets those arms hug him, hold him.

“I’m sorry,” Jace whispers, “I’m sorry for what I said.”

“I’m a burden to you?” Eloy asks, needing to know the truth, needing to break this off if he’s really seen as nothing more than a plaything that’s useless.

“No,” Jace answers quickly, “God, no, you’re absolutely amazing. But I just don’t want you outside. I know you are more than capable of taking care of yourself, and you never seize to amaze me, Eloy. But this isn’t like our excursions before. John is an ex Corp, baby boy. I know exactly what he’s doing, what he’s truly looking for. I wasn’t a state trooper for nothing. I had a regime to go through, at some point I was a Marine Private.”

Eloy would’ve been amazed if he hadn’t so many questions.

“What?” he asks softly, “What do you mean? What-What is he looking for?”

“He’s looking for a nest.”

“A nest?”

“Of undead,” Jace nods, “Infected have to go somewhere, they can’t just disappear during the night with only a few scattered zombies here or there.”

“You mean he thinks there’s a nest of zombies and he’s… he’s looking for it?”

Jace’s lips are set in a firm line and that’s all the answer he needs, “that’s… that’s stupid, on so many levels.”

At that Jace snorts in amusement, “I know.”

Eloy pulls away then and hugs himself, makes himself look small.

“I’m also,” Jace sighs, “I’m also so sorry for the way I’ve been behaving.”

“You’re ashamed of me,” Eloy whispers.

“No,” Jace disagrees, “I just need to protect you.”

“But-”

Before Eloy can get another word in, Jace presses their lips together in a searing kiss, a kiss that makes him melt as his arm wrap around the older man just to hold on.

Jace moves them to the bed where he carefully lays Eloy atop the sheets with a predatory look in his eyes.

Eloy whimpers.

He moans as Jace attacks his neck, his throat, nibbling lightly but not daring to leave a mark.

“Ja-Jace!” Eloy gasps.

Jace swallows his needy whines with another kiss, and another and another.

“Shh,” he hushes.

Eloy nods, muffling his cries with the back of his hand.

And Jace relishes in the little pleasured keens and whines he draws from Eloy. He’s missed this, missed his warmth.

Eloy’s thighs part and he exposes himself to Jace, lets him see his most vulnerable parts. Jace coos, hushing his baby boy softly.

“So needy,” he tuts.

“’s you’re fault,” Eloy gasps as those fingers tease him open.

“I know, sweetheart, I know and I’m sorry, baby,” Jace apologizes.

Eloy gets lost In Jace, in his touch. Jace takes control, rocks his hips and thrusts inside rhythmically. Eloy’s blunt nails dig into Jace’s skin, leaving behind red angry welts along his back. Although it should hurt, Jace enjoys the burn, loves Eloy’s mark on his body and wishes he could wear them proudly.

“J-Jace,” Eloy whimpers, “Jace.”

“What’s wrong sweetheart?” Jace grunts.

“Do-Don’t spill inside.”

Jace slows his tempo as he looks into Eloy’s teary eyes, “Okay, baby boy, okay.”

He kisses his forehead, his fluttering eyelids, his nose, his cheeks, and lastly pecks his plump lips.

When he’s close, he holds the base of his cock and carefully pulls out. Eloy practically cries at the loss. But it’s for the best.

Jace uses his thighs to finish off before going down on his little hard dick, licking and sucking until Eloy orgasms with his back arched.

They lay together in a mess of sweat and cum, panting against each other’s lips as their hearts finally slow down.

“Can you…?” Jace trails off curiously.

Eloy bites his lip, “Since I stopped hormones every day the chances increase.”

Jace seems to understand, “Okay, we’ll be careful. I’m going out tonight, if you want, I can go get… supplies?”

“Condoms?”

“Anything you need, baby boy,” Jace assures.

“Condoms,” Eloy says with a playful smile as he snuggles against Jace.

“Okay, condoms,” Jace grins, burying his smile in Eloy’s sweat soaked hair.

“Anything else?”

“Just you.”

“You already have me.  Always have, always will.”

TWENTY-ONE

Two weeks pass by when John announces that they’re going hunting . It wouldn’t have come as such a surprise if it were dark out, but the fact that he insinuates to go out during the day makes Eloy pale at the prospect, especially when the old man’s eyes are directed toward Jace. He wants to speak up, to tell him that it’s a ludicrous idea. But he holds his tongue when John approaches him.

His hand is heavy when it lands on his shoulder and Eloy swallows back the sudden fear, “You are going to be a great help to the women today.  You’ll help in the kitchen and Sean will teach you what to do.”

Sean raises his head, soft green eyes flickering to Eloy.

“Isn’t that right, boy,” John chuckles, clapping Sean on the back as well.

Sean nods even though he stares at Eloy guiltily and he wonders what they’ll have him do.

He finds out when Jace and the others are gone. Sean leads him to the back half an hour later when two burly men arrive from the group carrying something heavy, something suspiciously like a male deer. They drop the agonizing animal at their feet and disappear.

It’s when Sean pulls out a knife that understanding dawns on Eloy, yet he still asks anyway, “Wha-What are we going to do?”

Sean gives him a pitying look before he grabs the deer and starts skinning it. Martha appears beside Eloy with a small smile as she places a hand on his shoulder and a knife in his hand.

“Well, you’re going to be skinning and cleaning it of course.”

Eloy’s hand trembles and he nearly cuts himself on the first slice. It’s worse when he realizes the poor animal is still alive, dark doe eyes staring at him before taking one last shuddering breath and dying.

He looks sick, a green tint coloring his face.

“I know,” Sean finally whispers in the comfort of just the two of them and the dead animal.

He sounds resigned and worn-out, tired of this life.

Eloy swallows back the sickness building in the pit of his stomach as he makes another cut, red blood oozing from the lacerations.

“You’re the only one who does this?” Eloy asks softly.

Sean nods, “It’s a punishment.”

“Punishment?”

“Yeah, for not being good enough. We each contribute to something, this is all I’m good for.”

Eloy doesn’t like that, doesn’t like how unhappy and miserable Sean is, “You’re more than that, than this. You shouldn’t be treated like-like-”

“Like shit?”

The older of the two cringes.

“With Corp. John, his word is law. Everyone looks up to him, he’s the head, the smart one, the strong one. And I… I’m the disappointing son he wishes he never had,” Sean shrugs.

Eloy frowns and he reaches with a hand to the boy. Sean flinches at his touch and gives an apologetic look to a startled Eloy.

“Let’s just finish,” Sean says, “before they get back, before he still sees us here.”

And it’s as the sun sets that the last of the men return, filing through the door laughing and joking as they recount the zombies they’ve encountered and the game they caught. Game that is cleaned and kept in a storage freeze powered by the generator the house runs on.

They all sit around the table as dinner is served. Lean venison seasoned and cooked. Eloy looks at Jace who gives him an encouraging smile to dig in. Eloy returns it with a small hesitant smile of his own.

He grabs his fork and knife and cuts into the meat. But at the sight of the medium-rare cut, he gets nauseas. His stomach revolts in protest and he pushes his chair back with a hand clamped over his mouth. Jace is about to follow, but he notices Sean stand from his seat and go.

Eloy barely makes it to the nearest bathroom where he gives up what little he ate throughout the day.

He throws up until he’s dry heaving, until his eyes water and his knuckles turn white from how hard he grips the bowl.

He feels a cool hand at the back of his neck, rubbing soothingly.

Eloy looks up through blurry vision, finding Sean giving him a sympathetic smile, “You okay?”

Eloy shakes his head and slumps against the bowl as he breathes harshly. He feels dizzy.

“It sucks,” Sean whispers, his eyes glazy as he reminisces on his own experiences.

“God, it does,” Eloy rasps weakly.

Sean hands him a cup of water that Eloy uses to rinse his mouth with before he gulps it down.

“Better?”

Eloy shakes his head, God no.

Sean takes a seat on the floor in front of the sick man and Eloy appreciates his presence. It speaks volumes to him and Eloy wishes he could wipe away the sadness in the boy’s eyes, on his downturned lips. He wishes he could ask what made him so broken, what hurt him so much.

A soft knock of the door makes them look up and Jace steps inside with worry written on his face. Sean stands and gives Eloy an encouraging smile before nodding at Jace.

Once alone with the door firmly shut, Jace kneels in front of the younger man and cradles him in his arms.

“Are you okay, baby?” He asks in concern, lips pressed to his temple.

“Tired, sick,” Eloy mumbles, cheeks flushed, “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Jace murmurs, “Is it what they made you do today?”

Eloy nods, “God, Jace, it was so disgusting.”

“What was it, sweetheart?”

“They… I… I had to skin the deer,” Eloy admits with a shudder, stomach revolting.

“Skin it? You mean our-”

“Yes,” Eloy breathes, the queasiness coming back, “yeah, that, oh God .”

Jace frowns when Eloy lurches forward and throws up again. When he’s finished, he flushes the toilet, noticing that Eloy is too drained to do so himself.

Eloy absolutely hates how he feels. A headache blooming rapidly behind his tightly closed eyes.

“Come on,” Jace urges gently.

Eloy lets the man lead him to their room, to their bed.

“Do you think you can stomach a bit of food?”

Eloy grimaces, throat aching at the prospect of throwing up any more.

“Without the meat,” Jace assures, realizing himself how disgusting it is to eat something that’s made his lover so ill.

Eloy hesitates, before choosing to go easy on his stomach, “No.  No thank you.”

Jace nods and watches as Eloy lays down, burying his face in the pillow.  He carefully takes a seat beside him on the bed.

“I’m sorry they made you do that, baby,” he coos.

“Me too,” Eloy sniffles.

Jace runs his fingers through his hair until he falls into an uneasy sleep.

TWENTY-TWO

The nausea stops, but returns with a vengeance whenever he’s on skinning duty, which thankfully is every other week.  The sight doesn’t stop being disgusting or any less traumatizing though, and he stops eating as much as he could.  He loses weight.  Jace notices and he doesn’t like it.

He encourages Eloy to eat more, to eat veggies and fruits if the meat makes him sick.  But all Eloy can do is break down in Jace’s arms as he describes what he has to do, as he describes the last agonizing sounds the animal makes before dying because of him  because those jerks don’t kill the animal and dump the guilt on them.

Jace holds him through it, comforts him and apologizes.

He wipes away the salty tears and kisses trembling his lips softly, gently.

One thing leads to another and they have sex.  They comfort each other with their touch, with their bodies and soft-spoken words of reverence and adoration for one another.  It makes them forget the situations they’re in, the things they’re forced to do as Jace admits he’s scared of going to an excursion and not coming back to Eloy, to his arms, like one of the other men who perished weeks ago.

Eloy shakes his head and holds onto Jace just a little tighter as he presses his ear to Jace’s chest, to his heart.

There’s only so much his words can do to heal, to vanish away their fears and worries.  And sex is great.

Though the sex is different now.  It’s weirder with a barrier between them.  It’s not so much as feeling the latex, but more so of knowing it’s there.  Eloy still loves the feel of Jace thrusting inside of him, rocking their bodies together to the beat of their hearts, regardless.  Jace loves it too.  He loves being able to make Eloy beg, to make him cry for mercy as he pounds into him without abandon.  To make him forget.

And for a moment everything feels normal.  Or as normal as it can be, seeing as they’re in the middle of a war zone, of an apocalypse.

However, everything goes down hill a few weeks later when Eloy steps out of the ensuite bathroom with a towel wrapped around his torse.

He’s digging through his clothes, trying to find something decently clean when the door abruptly opens without warning.  John steps in looking haggard, Jace’s name dying on the man’s dry lips.

They stare at each other in surprise and silence.  The surprise slowly turning into understanding as John’s eyes travel to Eloy’s scantily covered body.  Eloy takes a staggering step back when he sees understanding morph to outrage in a split second.

“You,” the older man accuses, a trembling finger pointing in his direction, “You lying whore.”

Eloy flinches, a whine crawling up his throat in panic.

“It’s because of you that we’re suddenly losing men to those monsters!”

“Wha-What?” Eloy whimpers.

“My son died because you’re here!  Because God is punishing us for harboring the likes of you-you disgusting attention seeking whore!”

Tears burn Eloy’s eyes as he shakes his head.  He didn’t do anything.  He didn’t!

“How long did you think you could fool us, you little bitch,” John demands, voice raising with his anger, steps heavy as he approaches Eloy.

Eloy doesn’t have time to move away when a hand wraps around his bicep and squeezes until it hurts, until his muscle spasms in pain.

He tries to pull free, to yank away, but he can’t, “Let me go, I didn’t- I didn’t do anything!”

“There’s only one way I’ll ever let the likes of you go,” John sneers, “You either turn back into what God created you as or I do what’s right and hand you over to be punished by those rotting monsters outside.”

Eloy shakes his head, terror in his eyes.  He bites back a scream when those hands rip the towel from his body.

“Look at you, at what God created,” John says, “why would you go against Him?  Ruin this perfectly good body?  He makes no mistake, you know, so why would you disobey Him?”

Eloy feels sick when those hands touch him, when those hands cup his- he shudders- his breasts.

He’s crying when those hands try to part his thighs and it’s then the door opens, a loud curse coming from a furious Jace.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing!” He demands, shoving at John

John stumbles but his grip tightens on Eloy’s thin wrist, “did you know?  Were you aware of this- this abomination?”

Jace’s eyes flicker to Eloy before he glares at John dead on, “Get your filthy hands off of him .”

John is surprised, more than surprised.

He’s angry. 

How hadn’t he known?  How hadn’t he seen these freaks fucking in his own house?  These ungrateful disgusting bastards!

Jace struggles against John’s sudden attack, but he falters for a split second and lands on the floor, taking a punch that splits his bottom lip.

John’s fist is poised above Jace to rain more hits when suddenly his eyes widen and he pitches forward, a dull sound echoing in the room.

Jace shoves the unconscious man off of his body and looks at their savior.

Sean.

He’s breathing heavily with tears in his eyes as he looks at the crumpled figure that was once his father, but is now a cruel senseless stranger.

“I couldn’t,” he begins, choking on the words, “I couldn’t let him do what he did to me.”

The bat falls from Sean’s hold as he collapses to his knees as if in shock at what he just did.  He just hit his father over the head with a bat.  He just- just killed the man that made him miserable, that ruined his life.

Jace presses his fingers to the man’s neck, desperate to find his carotid pulse and realizing that it’s there though weak.

“He’s still alive,” he announces, looking up. 

Eloy is huddled against the corner, trembling as he cries, and Sean is still in shock.

He looks at them both, “we need to go, we can’t say here.”

Sean is reluctant, but agrees.  He knows can’t stay, not after what he just did.

Eloy looks at Jace, so terrified, so… so…

“Sean, go pack, you’re coming with us.  I’ll be damned if that man hurts you again.  We leave in five.”

Sean nods and numbly does as ordered, moving as if on autopilot. 

Jace then approaches Eloy and carefully reaches out.  Eloy flinches at the first touch, but forces himself to accept the kind touch that belongs to a man he trusts, a man he loves.

He falls into his arms, crying harshly against his chest and Jace holds him tightly, “we need to go, baby boy.  No more, okay, he won’t hurt you.  Not anymore.”

Jace helps Eloy change, tugging on his own clothes over the younger’s smaller body.  The sun hasn’t set, but if they stay they risk everything.

It’s only a matter of time before John wakes up, before he remember what happened and tries to kill them all.

They pack and go in search of Alexis who isn’t too pleased, but complies anyway.  She gives Eloy a narrowed gaze when she notices his blotchy red face and the tears still rolling down his cheeks.  And she knows they’re leaving because of him.

She’s surprised, however, when Sean appears with a small duffle in his tight grasp looking anxious and nervous.

And Jace is faced with a dilemma.  The back door is in the kitchen where it’s always full and the front door, though locked, is also guarded.

There’s no other way out that he can think of, until Sean catches on.

“There’s a way out,” he whispers, “the garage.”

Jace nods.

He presses a quick kiss to Eloy’s head and tells everyone to wait for him by the door that leads to the garage.  He disappears into the house and only returns when he finds what he’s looking for.

Sean is shocked and scared when Jace hands him a gun, Eloy and Alexis take one without question.

“It’s for our own safety.”

“They’ll come after us,” Sean whispers, “he won’t let it go.  He won’t let us go so easily.  Not after I… I bashed his head and not after we stole from him.”

“Good,” Jace says, cocking his gun, “because he tries to touch either again, and he can see the end of his own gun pointed at his head.”

Jace opens the garage door as he and Sean pick up a tot each.

As soon as it’s opened, they run as best they can.

They’re steps seem loud to their ears and they try to stay on grassy yards to muffle the sound. 

They certainly don’t look back.

TWENTY-THREE

Eventually they have to stop running and they stick to sneaking about, keeping to walls and making themselves undetectable to any humans seeking revenge and any zombies seeking a meal.

They encounter quite a few infected.  Most they can sneak around, but some Jace kills.

It isn’t until they’re far enough that Jace thinks they can stop that they do.  The sun is setting and zombies become scarce and few in between.

He finds a house at the end of a dead end street, nearly three hours after escaping from the the house of survivors, nearly three hours of searching.

He goes in first, checks inside and makes sure it’s safe before leading the others in.

There’s no power and it’s cold, but they’re safe and it’ll be hard for anyone to find them with so many house and possible hiding spots.  So they settle for the night.  The kids cry inconsolably when they realize they won’t play with the other children again and Alexis tries to hush them.  James understands after calming down, but Ella screams her head off until she falls asleep exhausted.

They all breathe a sigh of relief.

They each find a room and get comfortable if only for tonight, if only for a little while.

Jace finds Eloy sitting on the couch and staring into space, lost in thought, in his mind.

Jace wonders if he should touch him, if he should pull him close and tell him everything will be alright.  He doesn’t get the opportunity because Eloy is already speaking.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers hoarsely.

“What?”

Sad tired eyes look up to Jace, “I’m sorry, everything I do is wrong.  Everything I do only makes our situation worse and I-”

Jace stops him right there.  He approaches the younger man and silently asks to touch him, to cradle him.  Eloy gladly slips into his embrace.

“Don’t apologize, don’t say that.  This wasn’t your fault.  I knew John was an unstable character, I knew he was a homophobic and transphobic dick, but I still let us stay there until you almost got hurt.  I should be apologizing to you, baby boy.  I’m so sorry I put you in danger,” Jace admits.

Eloy buries his face in the crook of Jace’s neck, shivering from more than the cold.

“He wanted to… to-”

“I know, sweetheart.”

Eloy starts sobbing, shoulders shuddering as his hot tears soak into the fabric of Jace’s shirt.  He still feels the disgusting touch on his body and he hates it, hates it so much .

“It’s okay, baby boy, I got you,” Jace coos, rocking him back and forth until Eloy eventually falls asleep with tears clinging to his dark lashes.

Jace sighs deeply, eyes landing on Eloy’s flushed face.  He can’t imagine what would’ve happened if he hadn’t heard the commotion, if he hadn’t entered their room, if he were just one second late.

He could never forgive himself.

He should’ve seen it coming, he should’ve know how dangerous and mentally ill that man was.  But he made the decision to continue living there knowing well that man’s opinion, knowing well how uncomfortable and miserable Eloy also felt.

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes softly, lips against Eloy’s soft hair, “fuck, I’m so sorry.”

TWENTY-FOUR

They don’t have sex.

Mostly because Jace is afraid of hurting Eloy, of scaring him after all he’s been through so far.  So, he keeps his distance and they keep moving, changing location every few days.  Never staying at the same place twice for fear of running into unwanted visitors.

They survive.

But Eloy hates it.  He hates sleeping alone, hates feeling like he does.  He misses Jace, he misses his warmth and for a moment he thinks that maybe Jace is disgusted with him, with what happened and that makes him feel worse, feel nauseated.

They’re in a new house, far from those bad memories and he’s sick of feeling how he feels.  He reaches out on an impulse, his small hand wrapping around Jace’s veiny wrist.  The man stops what he’s doing and looks up at him from his perch.  Eloy looks back with lips pursed before he gathers his courage and simply goes for it, simply crashes their lips together.

Jace catches him as they topple from the couch, Eloy straddling his hips from above as they make out on the dusty floor of a dark living room in a stranger’s house.  Their bodies are flushed and their hearts are racing.

“Are you sure?” Jace asks when they part for much needed air.

Eloy tries not to feel weird about his touch, about Jace’s hands on his body.  He knows these hands, he loves this man.  He nods, “I’m sure.”

Jace smiles, though a worried crease wrinkles his brows.

They go back to before because Jace knows Eloy is uncomfortable no matter how much he’s pushing himself, pushing his limits.

Jace doesn’t take Eloy’s shirt off as much as he wants to, and his hands are strictly on Eloy’s hips or on his waist.  Eloy appreciates it so much he could cry, but he rather cry in pleasure on Jace’s hard erection.

Jace tears the condom open and rolls it on smoothly, but Eloy is impation and as soon as it’s on he slides onto the erect length.  He moans at the feel, at the smooth glide.  Jace feels like the air was punched out of his lungs when that warm heat engulfs him.  But as much as he wants to take control, to flip them over and fuck Eloy until he’s a begging mess, he doesn’t.  He lets Eloy set the pace, set the rhythm and he carefully thrusts up, matching his movements.

Eloy whimpers, his thighs straining as he rises up and down.  It’s feels good, so good .  His lips are parted on a silent moan as he rises above Jace slowly, deeply and swivels his hips just so.  He thinks he’s close but he can’t, he needs Jace, needs the man to take control.

“Jace,” he chokes out.

It’s all the permission the man needs to switch their position, to thrust into Eloy hard and deep and fast.  It nearly rips a cry out that Eloy can’t stop from escaping.  His whole body trembles with pleasure, and he’s close.

He closes his eyes shut as he squeezes around Jace’s cock, orgasms in spasms.  Jace rides him through it, cooing at him and rasping about how good his baby boy was, how brave.

Eloy thinks he cries a little, but it’s okay, because it’s Jace and he’ll always trust him.  Always.  Even if he can’t bring himself to say those three little words yet.

“You okay, sweetheart?”

Eloy nods a bit numbly, legs feeling sore and like jelly.  Jace almost looks smug with how proud he feels.

He nuzzles the boy’s neck and licks away those tears as he holds Eloy just a bit tighter.  He doesn’t know what he’d do if he lost his anchor.

Eloy is blissed out for a moment, loving the gentle caresses, the gentle and reverent touch.  But when Jace carefully pulls out, the man curses softly.

“Hm?” Eloy hums, too drunk on his high to properly ask.

“Condom broke, shit, I should’ve checked it over, it was probably already faulty and I-”

At that Eloy sobers and quickly sits up with panic written on his face, “what?”

Jace looks guilty, though neither knew it was going to happen, “Condom broke.”

“What are we going to do?” Eloy asks, that little hitch of worry in his voice making Jace comfort him.

Jace stands up and chucks the condom away before looking outside through the blinds.

“There’s still some time before sun up, I can go to the store and-”

“I’ll go with you.”

There’s a protest on Jace’s tongue but he nods anyway.  Eloy is smart, he’s strong.

They dress quickly and grab a gun or two before sneaking out.

They make it to the convenience store within 15 minutes with little interference.

When they make it inside, they look around.  Jace jumps over the counter and gets what he’s been looking for.  Completely bypassing the security cameras, not even noticing what’s on the film.

He grabs the little box with something akin to relief as it reads, Plan B .

He finds it ironic in an amusing kind of way.  He looks back, but finds that Eloy is gone.

He walks through the store in search of the younger and finds him in the aisle with rows of pregnancy tests and boxes of convenient condoms.

Jace hands the box to Eloy who takes it.  He looks at it for a moment, contemplating but knowing the inevitable.  They’re startled when something from down the aisle rolls and lands by their feet.  The can colliding with Eloy’s shoe.

They both look up and find a zombie staring at them seemingly curious as it tilts its head to the side.  They don’t have time to react before it charges at them without warning.

It attacks Eloy first, toppling him over and making the box fly out of his hands.  He looks more worried about losing their back up plan than the zombie.  Jace yells at him, telling him it’s okay, that they need to leave.

Eloy nods, he scrambles up and flinches when Jace shoots the infected.  The loud booming drawing the attention of more infected.

Suddenly one zombie turns into three.

A litany of curses fall from Jace in a single breath.  Fuck. They’re screwed.  But they won’t go down without a fight, without trying.

Eloy shoots another zombie, jumping slightly with the recoil.

“Com’on!”

Jace aims and fires, the giant window pane from the store front shatters with a single bullet.  Jace jumps through the glass, using his shoulder and back to avoid getting any shards into his eyes.  He clears the path for Eloy who follows after, tripping once as they run back to safety.

The 15 minute walk feels long and stretched out, but they make it in 10.

They’re panting and flushed and empty handed.

Eloy feels almost miserable, stupid for not handing onto the box just a little tight, for not shoving it in his pocket like-like-

Jace peers at the bright pink box, at the pregnancy test.

Eloy’s cheeks color.

Jace doesn’t say anything.

He doesn’t need to.

“Nothing is set in stone,” he assures Eloy, taking the box and shoving it in their bag, “we don’t know if you are until you take it, but even then it might be a few weeks before you can.”

Eloy nods, and with a red face pulls out another box, condoms.  Jace snorts and takes it too.

“Nothing is set in stone,” Eloy repeats teasingly.

TWENTY-FIVE

Warning: Read with caution!

Nothing is set in stone, until it is, and Eloy isn’t even aware of it. The fatigue is almost always there so it’s nothing new, not to him at least. But Jace notices that Eloy sleeps in later and takes naps more frequently, he always looks tired, always looks utterly exhausted. Another thing he’s noticed, Eloy is eating less. He feels queasy, though frankly he’s tired of only eating instant cooked rice or steaming cup noodles. The nausea doesn’t make it better, of course it doesn’t, but he doesn’t complain.

What really gives it away, eight weeks after their little accident, is the fainting.  He doesn’t faint, not really.

They were walking to a new house, Ella fussy on his hip when dark spots suddenly swam in front of his vision and made the world seem a little tilted, a little skewed. He had to stop and order Ella to wrap her little arms around his neck while he used a hand for support against the brick wall of a seemingly occupied house. Houses they try to avoid for fear of a repeat from before.

Jace had stopped at that moment to look back for a quick head count and immediately approached the pair upon noticing them a bit farther behind.

He was worried.

He is worried.

“Eloy?”

“Hi,” Eloy rasps, trying to muster a smile but failing miserably.

“You okay?”

Eloy nods, but has no problem relinquishing Ella to Jace who gladly takes her from his hold. Once the light weight is gone, he breathes a bit easier and excuses himself with a hand clamped over his mouth.

He’s tried to ignore the signs, the obvious symptoms. But he knows he can’t, not anymore.

They reach a new house and they finally have a room of their own instead of sleeping on uncomfortable couches or dusty floors.

Eloy is sitting on the bed with the pregnancy test he swiped weeks ago in his hand, when Jace finally walks in and stops at the sight. Eloy looks up at him, bottom lip tugged between his teeth.

Jace takes a careful seat beside him and Eloy passes him the test without a word.

Positive.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Positive.

“What do you want to do?” Jace asks calmly.

What can we do? Is on Eloy’s lips before he says a bit hollowly, “Get rid of it.”

And it’s then the older man notices something he wishes he hadn’t.  A crooked bent wire sitting almost innocently beside Eloy.

Jace nods, swallows thickly, and nods again. They can’t have a baby, not now, not in the middle of a fucking apocalypse. The baby wouldn’t survive, hell, Eloy might not survive. So, it’s obvious, to them both, it’s obvious that they should induce a miscarriage.

It doesn’t stop Jace from feeling how he does, and it doesn’t stop Eloy from feeling nauseated. Jace wants to tell Eloy not to do it. He does, because he doesn’t want to let Eloy do something that can’t be undone, something he might regret.

“Don’t do it,” he whispers as Eloy stands from where he was sitting.

It’s soft, but Eloy still hears it, still stops.

He looks down at Jace.

“Don’t,” Jace repeats lowly.

Eloy frowns, the wire clutched tightly in his hand, “We won’t survive if I don’t. We… I’ll… I’ll become a burden and a newborn baby will only… it just won’t work out. And I… I don’t want to have a baby.”

Jace knows that, of course he knows. But he wonders if Eloy can really say what he’s saying and mean it. He doesn’t want a baby? Their baby? Jace understand the dysphoria, Eloy has explained it to him and he understands, fuck he does, but it’s their baby they’re talking about.

“I’m sorry,” Eloy whispers and walks out the room.

Jace buries his face in his hands.

He knows he could’ve easily stopped Eloy; his words would’ve been enough. But Eloy has made his decision and he will never take that away from him. As much as he hates it, as much as he hates watching Eloy go, he doesn’t stop him. After all, it’s his choice, his body.

Eloy’s heart wrenches painfully inside his chest.

He’s being practical, he reminds himself.

He’s doing the smart thing.

He knocks on the door and waits with bated breath until the door opens.   Alexis looks at him in surprise. Her surprise only growing when he says, “I need your help.”

She walks up to Jace who’s standing in front of a window watching the sun rise and shine brightly over the horizon. He has a cigarette between his fingers, a cloud of smoke puffing from his lips, and the smell of tobacco surrounding him. She’s surprise. She hasn’t seen him smoke since… well since forever.

“You’re smoking again,” she states.

“He’s going to die,” Jace whispers, “He’s so stubborn, so stupid.”

“He’s being smart, for once,” she argues, not quite sure why she’s standing up for a person she couldn’t care less about.

Except her brother is stressed and is madly in love with the person waiting in the bathroom for her.

He’s right though, so many things can go wrong. She’s not a trained professional, fuck she could accidentally kill him herself.

“You love him,” she whispers.

“I love him,” Jace agrees, the words coming smoothly.

And it’s the first time Alexis has ever heard him admit his own feelings.

“It’ll be alright,” she whispers, “we sterilized the wire as much… as much as we could.”

Jace nods, “just… just go. Leave me alone.”

“You’re not… you’re not going to be there?” She asks, wincing, because of course he’s not.

He shakes his head.

“Okay,” she mumbles.

Eloy looks at the bathroom door as it opens, he tries to peek behind Alexis, hopeing that Jace is behind her.

He’s not.

Her soft voice brings him back to the present, to his reality and predicament.

“Ready?” She asks.

He nods, feeling numb and sick all over again.

He strips from the bottom down and lays on the floor, looking up at the ceiling.  They chose the bathroom for easy cleanup, for the inevitable stain of red.

Quietly, Alexis perches in front of his legs. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes as he slowly, hesitantly, parts his thighs.

It’s the cold touch on his thighs, the gut-wrenching fear and disgust he feels for what he’s about to do that stops him.

He screams, fuck he screams so loud he’s sure he wakes up the kids as he scrambles away from her touch.  Alexis is startled, and she drops the wire with a clatter.

“Eloy?”

Eloy looks at her with wide eyes, breathing coming out in short shallow pants.

“No,” he gasps, “no, I’m not ready, I’m not, I can’t.”

She watches as he curls up, as he cradles his belly almost protectively. She watches as he borders a panic attack, as he hyperventilates with tears in his eyes.

He suddenly can’t breathe.

He can’t breathe!

Alexis calls out for Sean, orders him to get Jace.

Sean nods, but Jace is already there having heard the commotion and without thinking pushes him aside, even pushes Alexis away.

“I-I-” Eloy chokes, “So-Sor-Sorry.”

Jace quickly gathers him in his arms, cradling him against his chest and kissing his head, “Easy, deep breaths, breathe with me. 1, 2, 3, inhale.  That’s it, exhale, slowly.”

Eloy mimics Jace until he can breathe properly, until he’s no longer drowning.

“I’m sorry,” he cries weakly.

Jace only holds him tighter. Fuck he’s angry, of course he’s still angry, but a part of him is relieved, so relieved to have him in his arms.

“I couldn’t do it, Jace,” Eloy says, trying to tell him, voice urgent, “I didn’t. I-”

“It’s okay,” Jace assures, “I know, sweetheart, I know.”

Eloy sobs into his chest, crying his heart out until he passes out.

Jace covers him up and carries him to their room, bypassing Alexis and Sean without a word.

Heavy heart light, an odd feeling he can’t describe right.

Not until he looks at Eloy, at the hand cupping his belly subconsciously.

“I love you,” he whispers softly, reverently, against Eloy’s ear, “I love you, Eloy. You and our baby.  We’ll get through this and I’ll be damned if we don’t survive because now, now , we have something, some one , worth fighting for.”

TWENTY-SIX

Alexis knocks softly on the door, rapping her knuckles against the dusty wood with her breath held back. She gets no immediate answer, but she’s curious and pushes the door open gently. She peers inside, finding her brother on the bed with Eloy curled up next to him, sleeping. Or what seems like sleeping.

“Jace?” Her voice is a soft rasp as she calls out into the darkness.

He turns to face her, eyes dark as he blinks up at her. He sits up slowly, mindful of the small body next to his. He scrubs a hand over his face and yawns. He wasn’t sleeping, he doesn’t feel like sleeping, he’s just… just tired but he can’t close his eyes, can’t succumb to exhaustion just yet.

“What’s up?” He asks just as quietly, voice hoarse.

“Can we talk?” She asks, standing still for a moment and crossing her arms over her chest loosely.

The last thing Jace wants is to talk with Alexis, but as he looks at Eloy fast asleep and curled up beside him, he nods. He’s not getting up though, makes no move to do so and Alexis sighs.

“It’s about Eloy,” Jace states, the hint of a question fading when he sees her eyes on his sleeping figure.

And he can’t help himself, “What now, Allie?”

Alexis huffs, tucking a strand of hair behind her messy hair, “It’s just… you and him… having a baby… you don’t even know each other.”

Jace holds back a nasty retort and settles on, “We know each other enough.”

“Do you honestly think it’s wise? Smart even?”

“Smart?”

“To have a baby with someone you really no shit about,” she says, “I meant what I said before. He’s going to be the death of us. He’s going to become a burden, hell, he already is.”

“Alexis!”

“It’s the truth. He was willing to kill your baby,” she reminds, voice hard.

“You were willing to help him. And fuck, he was being smart, he was trying to prioritize our survival, his survival, without wanting to. He didn’t want to get rid of our baby, so much so that he changed his mind.”

“He didn’t even take in count your opinion!”

“Alexis, what the fuck, it’s his body, his choice. I’m not going to intervene with his wants until absolutely necessary. I trust him, but most importantly, I respect him.”

Alexis doesn’t know why she pushes it, but she does, “He’s weak. He’s pathetic and you call it smart? You call it ‘prioritizing’. You’re blinded, Jace. How the hell can you say you love someone like that? Someone who almost killed your baby? How do you honestly expect to hold a relationship with him when it was based on lust?”

Jace gets defensive, “You honestly can’t say shit about my relationship with him. You think I don’t know what happened with Ryan?”

Alexis stop talking, her mouth clamping shut as her jaw sets.

“You didn’t talk to one another, you didn’t even know each other well enough to start a relationship. And if it weren’t for me being your common ground, you and he would never have been at the same place, at the same time, which led to the conception of my nephew. Hell, Alex, I love James, but don’t pretend that he isn’t the reason why Ryan stayed. Why Ryan even proposed, because I know for a fact he wouldn’t have done so otherwise. And that is the reason I admired Ryan so fucking much, because unlike you, he was mature and smart. He knew what he wanted. He wanted James and he was willing to try something with you. The fact that he stayed and built a family with you, that you later had Ella. It clearly speaks that love was never in the equation, not at first.”

Alexis feels tears burn and sting her eyes, her throat feels tight as a lump forms making it impossible to argue back. A tear rolls down her cheek and she wipes it away hastily, hating feeling so– so exposed .

“I’m thankful to have met Eloy,” Jace whispers, voice growing soft again. His hand brushes away soft messy hair, revealing a soft round face, parted lips, and closed eyes with long lashes tickling flushed cheeks.

“It may have been lust, hell it still might be, but I know what I feel. I feel my heart flutter every time I look his way. You call him weak, but all I see is someone incredibly strong that has taken more than enough crap from the world. I see someone I trust completely, someone I trust with my life, someone I trust to carry another life.” His touch is tender, reverent. “I love him.”

Alexis doesn’t say anything else, a sniffle the only noise coming from her lips. She doesn’t like Eloy, she’s full of shit and hypocrite though. But despite all she’s said, Jace still loves him. He genuinely cares for him, beyond sex and more than him just carrying his baby. She can see it in his touch, his soft gaze full of heart eyes. It’s almost disgusting.

“For once,” Jace wonders, “Can’t you just… can’t you just stay out of my life? My decisions? I love him and nothing you say will change my mind. I’ll go to the ends of the earth for him.”

“Even if he becomes a burden? Even if he’s slow and gets us killed?”

Jace snorts and rolls his eyes, “for him… for you? I’d die a million times if it means keeping you all safe. He’s not the only one I’m doing this for, you know that right? I promised Ryan I’d protect you, even if you did become insufferable.”

“Oh, shut up,” she sniffs, wiping her nose with the sleeve of her shirt, “You’re an idiot.”

“I know.”

“And he’s not… Ryan is not dead,” She adds, because she can’t stress that enough, can’t stress how much she misses and loves her husband.

“I know,” He whispers a bit more solemnly.

With a small shake of her head she leaves the room, choosing to go in search of Sean and her children, to forget her sadness and fears.

Jace can’t help but breathe in relief when the door finally closes behind her, hoping that now that they’ve cleared the air Alexis will stop being such a– a brat.

“I love you too,” comes a sleepy voice after a few beats of silence.

Jace looks down to find Eloy peering up at him through a sleepy haze.

Jace leans down and kisses his forehead softly, his hand gently rubbing Eloy’s belly.

Eloy’s soft smile means more to him than he’s willing to admit.  Fuck, he’s smitten.  But for some reason, he can’t bring himself to tell him how much he loves him, not face to face, not yet even though they both know.  But those eyes, those large eyes and happy smile make him weak.  And the words almost fall from his lips.  He’s holding back, holding back like an idiot.  Truth is, he doesn’t know what he’ll do if he ever lost Eloy.

TWENTY-SEVEN

Eloy is quiet as they walk on the street.  The only sound is their heavy breathing and footsteps.  He can just make out the first rays of the sun peeking through the horizon.  And as the night sky turns gray, they begin to hide in the shadows that suddenly tower over them as houses turn to trees.  He frowns when Jace leads them out of the concrete street where they see the occasional abandoned car.

“Jay?” He calls, sweat beading on his forehead.

Jace doesn’t seem to hear him as he continues without pause.  Eloy feels something twist his gut, something akin to dread.  It’s day time.  And there’s nowhere to hide, no houses nor buildings, just trees and a narrow stream.

“Jace,” he calls a bit loud, voice a little hoarser as he places a hand on his belly.

He sounds panicked and it’s only then that the ex-officer looks back.

“Eloy?”

Eloy is no longer looking at him though.  He’s staring straight ahead with terror filling his eyes.

Jace turns back to see what’s stricken not only Eloy, but the others.  Sean even looks pale.  And with good reason.

As if appearing out of thin air, zombies behind crawling out their hiding place.  A group of undead walking out the small wooded area looking like they need caffeine.

“Shit,” Jace hisses.

Jace looks around in his own concealed panic.  There’s no where to hide!  Fucking hell!

Eloy’s own heartbeat is racing wildly inside his chest.  An infected cocks it’s head to the side and Eloy whimpers.  Can they hear it?  Can they hear how fast his heart is beating in fear?  In panic?

Jace, with James in his arms, quickly approaches Eloy and dumps the tot into the younger’s arms.  Eloy looks up, breath hitching in his throat.

Jace doesn’t say anything as he presses Eloy and James to the bark of a giant oak.  Sean does the same, pressing against a nearby tree with his eyes closed and chest heaving.  He takes a deep breath and then another.

Alexis drags Ella with her to do the same.  But the little baby trips on an exposed root and falls.

Alexis is about to go back as her grip is lost but Jace stops her.  Gives her a stern look before his gaze softens at his neice who looks at him with wide watery eyes.

“Jace,” Eloy whispers, voice filled with fear as he debates on going out himself an-

“Don’t even think about it,” Jace whispers.

The man then turns to the little girl and advises softly, “stay down, princess, and don’t move.”

Ella’s eyes water before she buries her face in the pile of leaves she landed on and closes her eyes.

They wait for the wave of zombies to pass by.  James hides his little round face in Eloy’s neck when one passes right next to them, yet doesn’t turn to face them.

“Shh,” Jace coos.

He peers around the tree and presses closer to his lover and nephew, keeps them hidden from view.  If someone has to die first, make it be him.

But there’s no more hidden in the foliage.  And for a second, for a brief moment, he thinks they’re in the clear.  Until one last zombie stops in front of Ella’s prone body.

Jace curses internally and he can see Alexis panic as the zombie kicks her daughter lightly in her belly.

It’s Sean who stops her from exposing herself.

They watch with bated breath as the zombie coos in sadness.  Bones popping when it crouches beside Ella.

Ella holds her breath, the stench of death reaching her button nose as it gets closer.  Her little face scrunches up yet she doesn’t move.

Eventually, the zombie loses interest.

It leaves with that awkward shuffle of feet and that moaning of pain.

When it’s gone, they all breathe in relief and Alexis rushes to her daughter, pulling her close to her heart.  It’s only in the comfort of her mother’s arms that the little girl begins to sob and there’s a look of determination in Alexis as she cradles her close.  She’ll protect her children even if it kills her.  This will be the first and last time Ella will be exposed to one of those things .

Eloy can’t help but smile in relief, letting James down to reunite with his sister and mother.  The little family becoming closer, stronger, as they fend for one another.

“Are you okay, princess?” Jace asks guiltily.

Ella nods, her messy hair jerking with the movement.

“You were so brave,” Jace praises, “both of you were.”

He ruffles James’ hair and hugs the little girl, “I’m sorry for putting you in danger, for putting all of you in danger.”

“It’s fine,” Sean mumbles, looking sheepish as he adds, “well no, it’s not, but we trust you.”

Jace snorts a small laugh at that and they begin their trek, more cautious and fearful than before.  But this time, they’re looking out for each other’s back.

Eventually, Alexis hangs back with Ella in her arms sleeping soundly.  The sun is beating down on them, but the changing leaves and the cool autumn breeze pushes them through the lingering heat of summer.

Eloy raises a brow as she falls in step with him.

“How do you feel?” She asks conversationally.

He feels a bit tired, a bit hungry, but when isn’t he?

He shrugs, “I feel fine… how are you?”

“Better,” she says, her face turning serious, “I want to apologize.”

Eloy grimaces, “you don’t have to.  I get it, I’m a stranger that suddenly came into your lives and-”

“I was grieving and overwhelmed, but that’s no excuse for how I treated you, for all the things I said to you and about you.  I also… I also wanted to thank you.  For being there for us.  For being there for Jace and keeping James safe.”

Eloy flushes.  He wonders, what’s brought this on?

He must be transparent because she gives him a small snort of mild amusement as she confesses, “I miss Ryan.  But I didn’t need him before and I don’t need him now.  I have two little people depending on me and I need to… I need to grow up.  Jace has said that countless times, but seeing Ella, my baby girl, come so close to those… those infected … I just can’t risk being immature.  Not anymore.  So thank you and I’m sorry for how I acted before.”

Eloy smiles at her, his gaze softening as he looks at mother and daughter.

“I don’t resent you for how I was treated.  I know it’s wrong, but I guess I got used to it.”

“You didn’t deserve it, not from me or anyone else.”

Eloy shrugs, his hand falling on his belly, “regardless, thank you.  For talking to me, for apologizing, for trusting me with Ella and James when you couldn’t trust me with yourself.  I know it must’ve been hard.  I know it still is.  But thank you.  I also have someone else depending on me, so I understand your fears.  I don’t know what I’d do if I lost Jace, but I know I’ll try my hardest to survive for our baby.”

Alexis nods and begrudgingly admits, “he couldn’t have picked anyone better to start a family than to start one with you.  You’re good for him.  I’m also sorry I couldn’t see how well you fit one another.  I don’t like change and I hold onto the past too tightly, that’s my flaw.  But our past is no more, I realize that.  After all, were in the middle of the fucking apocalypse.”

Eloy grins, “tell me about it.”

TWENTY-EIGHT

They make it to a police station right after walking by a giant sign smeared with blood reading, Welcome to New Providence . 

The building is eerily silent, no trace of life, no sign of even a struggle.  Not in the station, not in the town. 

Jace frowns.

He spots a single cruiser in the parking lot, the driver’s door wide open.  Curiously he walks closer and peers in.  The tugging of his shirt makes him look at Eloy.  He looks at his lover with a deeper frown, he warned them to stay back, not wanting anyone (especially his lover and child) to get hurt.  Eloy only fixes him with a determined stare and Jace reluctantly relents, intertwining their fingers together as they edge closer.

There’s nothing.

Quietly, they hole up in the station, weapons passed around to secure the location.  Each yelling out a quick clear! when nothing is found, no human, no infected.

They breathe breaths of relief before Jace and Sean barricade the doors with desks and chairs lodged under the loose knobs.

Once they’re safe they set up camp.

The children are huddled for warmth, Ella and James cuddling close to their mother.

Eloy digs in the kitchenette finding more instant noodles and frozen foods long gone bad.  He covers his mouth when he looks through the freezer, swallowing back the nausea before closing it.

He returns with a coffee pot filled with their bottle water, a light and their next meals.

Alexis helps bring the water to a boil before filling up their noodle cups.

They all quietly eat when Jace begins, “The cruiser’s tank is filled, I think we can drive it.”

“Wouldn’t that risk noise though?  It’d attract unwanted attention, right?” Sean asks softly.

“It’s not worth the risk,” Jace agrees as he thinks about it, “There’s no place we know for sure is safe, so there’s no point in exposing ourselves. Smart thinking, Sean.”

The teen nods tucking into his food to stop the grumbling of his stomach.

“There’s a radio,” Eloy points out, the machine looking old.

“Hmm, it uses signals and can be battery powered instead of electric.”

“Aren’t the towers down?”  Alexis asks.

“Not necessarily,” Jace grins, “our current location is shit, but there could be survivors, others like us looking for shelter.  Hell, there could already be a safe haven set up and we just don’t know.”

“So you want to search for survivors?  Despite what happened the last time we found anyone,” she frowns, “no offense Sean, you’re a good kid.”

“None taken,” Sean nods.

“It’s our only choice,” Eloy whispers, his hand on his belly, “we wont be able to run forever.”

“We need to at least keep moving for now and find a place we can stay, a place where we won’t have to worry about safety or food,” Jace agrees.

They all nod solemnly.

A tiny, “mommy,” draws Alexis’s attention to her baby girl.

She gathers the kids to her and holds them as they fall asleep, their hunger sated for now.

“Alright, let’s survive.”

TWENTY-NINE

There’s nothing but static transmitting through the radio.  Despite their spirits sinking, Jace still holds on to it tightly, working the knobs and buttons, searching for something hopeless.

“You okay?” Sean asks quietly.

Eloy looks at the teen and offers a small smile.  They’ve been travelling for months, walking for miles, running from the inevitable.

Frankly, he’s tired, achy, cranky.  But he bears through it and nods, his hand caressing the large swell of his belly.

“We’ll find a place soon,” Sean reassures with an understanding smile.

Eloy tries to return it, he really does.  But his face scrunches up in a grimace.

“Eloy?” Sean panics, reaching out for the older man.

Eloy grasps onto Sean’s forearm, his nails digging into the soft skin, leaving behind little painful indents.

The pain tapers off, leaving Eloy panting with beads of sweat on his forehead.  He breathes harshly and tries to think.  It hurt, it really, truly hurt.  But he can’t be in labor.  He still has a little over three more months to go.  He can’t, he-

“Eloy?”

Eloy looks at Sean, the younger’s face contorted in concern.

“I’m okay,” Eloy answers, letting go of Sean as if burned, “sorry.”

“No, I’m okay, really,” Sean waves it off, “but are you?  Are you really?”

Eloy bites his lips, he doesn’t want to think about it.  So he nods.  The words die in his throat.  He feels pressure building up in his back and the underside of his belly, but the harsh pain that gripped him tight doesn’t repeat itself.

“Eloy?

Both turn to look at Jace.

“Sorry,” Eloy smiles sheepishly, “we’re okay.”

Jace merely grunts before leading the way.

Eloy breathes a breath of relief, for once glad Jace has become so oblivious.  The last thing he wants is to continously slow everyone down.

He speaks too soon.

The pain is back ten fold.

He can’t stop the sudden whimper of pain as he doubles over in agony.  It feels constricting, so tight, so painful.

“Eloy!” Jace calls out.

Eloy can’t hear him through his scream.  Everything seems hazy, everything sounds as if it’s underwater.  A warm hand lands on his back, on his belly, and he wants to push it away.  The baby hasn’t been moving much, but now they’re completely still and his belly hurts and he’s panicking.

The sound of a gun going off snaps him out of his pain induced trance.

Everyone looks in the direction of motor bikes.

“Shit,” Jace curses.

“Are they stupid?” Alexis asks, “all this noise, don’t they know?”

“Unless they do,” Sean suggests.

“Sound attracts the infected.”

Eloy searches for Jace, for his gorgeous eyes that captivated him once before.

He wants to worry about the men that have been following them, he does, but the sudden wetness in his pants makes him pale.  It makes him want to crumble to the ground.

“Jay,” He chokes urgently.

Jace looks at Eloy, both their eyes drawn to the grey sweat darkening in the groin area.

“No,” Jace breathes, “no, no, no, Eloy-”

“I’m sorry,” Eloy whimpers.

Jace’s heart aches, but he needs to make a decision, “you can do this.”

“What?” Eloy gasps.

“You’re in labor, your water broke-”

“Too soon!”

“I know,” Jace agrees, cupping Eloy’s jaw, “I know, love, but you can do this.  You can bring in our baby safely into this world.”

Eloy shakes his head, no, no he can’t, he-

“What about you?”

Jace bites his lip, “I’ll keep them away from you for as long as I can.”

“But it won’t be long before the infected show up!”

“I know, I understand, but I need you to trust me.”

Eloy stares at his lover helplessly.

“You have to trust me, Eloy, trust me.”

Reluctantly, he nods and let’s go of Jace.  Jace hands him the radio, a hand gun, and presses a desperate kiss to Eloys lips.

“If I don’t return, I need you to stay strong.  I need you to go, to continue without me.  For you.  For our child.  Promise me.”

“I can’t,” Eloy refuses.

“You can, you will.  Promise me, Eloy.  Promise.”

Eloy is overwhelmed with fear and pain, but he agrees nonetheless.  He presses one last kiss to Jace’s lips, “I know you’ll come back to me, I know it.”

“I love you, Eloy.  I love you.”

Eloy can’t help but stare until they, Jace and Sean, disappear beyond the trees and into the open streets where groaning and moaning is beginning to be heard.

“Eloy?” Alexis calls, tugging at the man’s arm gently.

Eloy doesn’t to leave, doesn’t want to go.  But another contraction, harsher and crueler than the others, makes him leave.

He promised Jace.  He promised himself.  He needs to protect his baby, his baby that wants to be born early.  His precious baby.

“They’ll find us,” Alexis assures, wrapping her arm around Eloy’s waist and guiding him into the closest house they find.

“He’ll be alright, they both will.”

Eloy nods.  He needs to believe it.  He needs to hope.  He needs faith.

He only stops once to breathe through another contraction, but they make it and then the real action begins.

THIRTY

Eloy grunts as he pushes, his hair stuck to his forehead from sweat, his body trembling with effort.  It feels like he can’t breathe, not until the contraction let’s up.

But it burns.

Oh fuck it burns.

It’s so bad, it hurts to the point of delirium.

He can’t anymore.

He’s been hurting for hours, he just can’t.

“Come on, Eloy, I can see the head,” Alexis encourages softly.

They’re in an abandoned house they barely managed to sneak into.  It’s dusty and dirty, but it’s the best they’ve got.

“One more, come on!”

Eloy nods and pushes.

He pushes until the stretch is unbearable.

Until he thinks he’s going to pass out from pain.

But then Alexis is guiding his hand and he’s cupping a small head between his legs and he can’t help but sob.

He can do this.

He has to!

•●•●•

John grins wickedly as he kicks the gun away from Jace’s cramped hand.

Jace stares up at the man, anger and fury glistening in his eye.

Like hell he’ll give the man the satisfaction of seeing any hint of fear from him.

“Where’s the freak? Huh, finally spread her legs for ya?”

Hell will have to freeze over before he said anything.

Instead Jace spits at the man.

“You little son of a bi-”

Jace watches as a familiar arrow is lodged in between John’s forehead.  The man peers at the arrow sticking out before another is fired and then another.

Watching the man slump forward is oddly satisfying.

But he can’t think as he’s tackled by the men from the hunting group of survivors.

He struggles to break free.  He tries to fight back and sees Sean try to reload Eloy’s crossbow with little to no success as men surround him as well.

Jace kicks and fights, breaking free only after kicking their captors in the balls.

Quickly he yanks at Sean and they run, barely escaping with their lives as guns are fired behind them.

Jace keeps moving, however.

He needs to get to Eloy, to their baby.

He needs to be there, he needs to-

Sean trips and Jace abruptly stops, intent on pulling him up and helping when he feels something clamp down onto his ankle.

He looks down and finds a fallen infected biting down hard into his skin.

His eyes widen as he stumbles back.

Sean grabs Jace’s gun and fires at the thing in quick succession.

Jace, however, is stuck in shock.

He has half the hope that maybe the zombie didn’t actually bite into his skin.

But blood is slowly oozing down his legs and soaking the edge of his ripping jeans.

He looks at his ankle and his heart stops.

The imprint of the teeth are perfectly indented into his skin.

His ankle quickly turning red, raw.

“Jace?” Sean panicks.

“Let’s go, we need to get to Eloy, I… I need to-to-”

Tell

him

I

love him.

To say goodbye.

Sean nods.

They manage to arrive to a small run down house where the door is wide opened.

James peers around it and ushers them in and Jace should be mad, but all he can do is hold the little boy in a tight hug.

“Uncle Jace?”

“Eloy?”

“Upstairs with mommy, Ella is sleeping.”

“Good, good,” Jace nods, “stay here, lock the doors, help Eloy and your mom.”

“What about you and uncle Sean?” James wonders, his little head tilted to the side.

“We… I need to do something.”

Jace limps toward a set of stairs he figures it leads to a basement.

He thanks God at the sight of a chainsaw.

Sean can only stare at Jace as he grabs it.

“Help me.”

“What?”

Jace begs, “please, help me .”

They both look at the site where black veins begin to surround the bite mark with infection.

“This is going to spread unless we stop it.”

“But there’s no guarantee that the infection isn’t already in your blood stream.”

“But we can try!”

“What if you bleed out?”

Jace quickly takes off his belt and holster.

He adjusts the leather band just under his knee.

“We’ll start a fire.”

“What? Why?”

“We can either heat up the saw or a skillet and press it against the open skin.  It will hopefully cauterize the veins enough to bandage it.”

“Are you sure?” 

Jace grabs onto the teen’s shirt as he pulls him foreward.

“Right now is not the time to hesitate.  I can feel it spreading.”

True to his words the black veins crawl millimeter by millimeter up his leg, turning his skin a deathly rotten color.

“Okay,” Sean nods, “okay.”

They set to work.

The saw is revved to life and the fire roars at their side as a skillet sits in the flames.

Jace tightens the belt and looks at Sean with determination in his eye.

A single nod.

And his screams are drowned by the cry of a newborn.

THIRTY-ONE

Eloy looks up as the door is opened wide.

Jace is limping toward him with Sean’s help and he wants to ask what happened, but Jace is by his side with such a tender look that makes Eloy melt and forget his worries.

“Look Jace,” Eloy coos, holding onto a little bundle in his arms, “come meet your daughter.”

Jace’s heart skips a beat at the sight. The baby is tiny. Tinier than any newborn he’s ever held before. But she’s perfect.

Jace carefully sits on the bed and stares at Eloy as the baby suckles hungrily at his lover’s chest.

“She’s gorgeous.”

Just hearing the awe in Jace’s voice as it cracks makes Eloy light up with pride and joy.

They watch as her little mouth goes slack around a swollen nipple, her little eyes closed and button nose sniffling softly.

The sight is breathtaking.

“Do you want to hold her?” Eloy asks.

Jace’s heart skips a beat. He hesitates. He wants to, he yearns to hold his daughter, their daughter. But he’s scared, terrified.

“Can I?”

“Of course,” Eloy smiles, “you’re her other daddy.”

Jace’s heart aches.

Carefully he takes the tiny bundle into his arms.

He cradles her gently before he tries to burp her as he’s done with James and Ella when they were first born.

The weight, though light, is incredible. She fits perfectly in his arms.

She nuzzles against his neck, her little breaths tickling his feverish skin reminding him that she’s here.

She’s alive.

She’s safe.

“I love you, Eloy,” Jace chokes, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Eloy whispers.

They share a kiss and only break apart when their baby starts fussing. Jace is quick to relinquish her.

“We’ll find a safe place, you’ll keep her safe. I know you will.”

“Of course we will,” Eloy agrees.

He misses the sadness Jace’s eyes hold.

He misses the regret as he preoccupies himself with their daughter.

“She needs a name,” Eloy whispers.

“Hope,” Jace offers.

Eloy’s smile is blinding, “Hope Held.”

A cough at the door interrupts them and both turn to face Sean, hand holding the radio Jace has taken to meddle with.

“We found something, someone, I mean…”

Jace’s heart stutters.

He stumbles from the bed and nearly topples forward as he grasps the radio.

There’s nothing but static before.

“ Hola? Hello? To any survivors. Para cual quier sobreviviente.

31 20.9964 N. 117 2 47.8428 W.

31 20.9964 N. 117 2 47.8428 O.

“

Jace looks at Sean and quickly orders the boy to grab a paper and pen.

Eloy sits up with a wince. He stares at Jace, Hope squirming in his arms and quietly fussing.

Jace looks back, looks at his little family and he knows they’ll be safe.

“They’re coordinates,” he explains softly.

“What?” Eloy breathes, “coordinates?”

“Someone is giving us coordinates.”

“How do we know it’s not a trap or… or something else?” Eloy asks.

“It’s the only chance we have, the only thing we can hold onto.”

Alexis steps further into the room with Ella in her arms, “and where exactly does this lead us to?”

Jace frowns, “we need a map.”

They scavenge the place until they find an old tattered map barely held together by time.

Jace gets to work and within an hour he finds an answer.

“The border.”

“The border?”

“The coordinates, they lead to the border dividing the US and Mexico.”

Alexis shoots Eloy a concerned glance, “we can’t go.”

“Why not?” Jace asks, “if it’s because of Ry-”

“It’s because Eloy just gave birth less than 3 hours ago. We have a newborn premie to take care of and you’re missing a limb!”

“I’m sorry what?” Eloy asks, heart aching.

Jace almost looks ashamed, embarrassed.

Eloy’s eyes roam over Jace’s body and his heart stops at the sight of his missing leg.

“Jace?” Eloy croaks weakly.

The older man frowns, gaze glued to the floor, but he ignores Eloy’s questioning gaze.

“We’ll take a car. Most still have gas, all we have to do is hotwire it.”

“Won’t the sound attract more infected?” Alexis asks.

Sean adds, “Yes but well be moving faster and we’ll be inside the car… we could, you know, run them over. It’ll be more protection than what we have now.”

Eloy isn’t paying attention anymore.

All he can focus on is Jace’s leg. The way the man looks pale and clammy, unsteady.

He can’t think.

A weak wail draws everyone’s attention to the baby in his arms.

He bounces Hope in his arms and hushes her gently.

Jace approaches the bed with difficulty, but Eloy stops him, “get out.”

“Eloy,” Alexis argues.

“Out! Now.”

Alexis, Sean, and the kids quickly leave and it’s just them.

Eloy and Jace and their daughter.

“What happened?” Eloy asks.

Jace sighs, “I got bitten.”

Eloy’s breath hitches in his throat.

“I told Sean to help me cut it off, to stop spreading the infection or to at least slow it down enough to… to see you.  To meet her.”

Eloy holds onto Hope tighter, her little wails turning into shuddering hiccups.

Eloy can’t focus on Jace when he has a baby to comfort.

“Okay,” he whispers, “okay, we’ll work it out, we’ll-we’ll keep moving and you can hotwire the car and-”

“I love you,” Jace whispers, leaning closer and pressing a kiss to Eloy’s hair, “both of you.”

THIRTY-THREE

Hour three.

Eloy bites his lip.  He’s sore, achy, and tired.  He wants to sleep, just close his eyes for a little bit, but the tiny wail of discomfort prevents him from doing so.

So, he focuses on his baby girl, feeding her and changing her diaper.

He jolts when an infected suddenly appears in the middle of the road.

He closes his eyes and cradles Hope’s little head as Jace drives head on, the bump not unlike kne of those speed bumps.

“You okay?” Alexis asks concerned.

Eloy presses his thighs together, “uh, yeah, yes.”

He doesn’t sound too convincing and little James rests his head on Eloy’s arm, staring wide eyed at the newborn baby and snuggling.

Eloy appreciates the comfort even if he’s sweaty and clammy.

Hour ten.

They stop at a gas station somewhere in Virginia.

Eloy takes the opportunity to stretch and yawn.  His eyes don’t stray far from the baby for long, she’s sleeping soundly in a little cardboard box stuffed with pillows and blankets.  His heart clenches at the sight.

“I found more formula and bottled water,” Alexis smiles.

Eloy grins, grateful for Alexis’ help, “Thank you.”

He takes the formula and tucks it in the trunk of the new car they picked up from Maryland.

Alexis becomes preoccupied with Ella and James who need to go to the bathroom.  Sean is somewhere in the convenience store trying to scavenge for food, snacks, nonperishables.

It’s then that he hears the sound of retching.

His heart skyrockets and with determination, he grabs a knife and carefully peers around the car.

He finds Jace slumped over.

“Jay?” Eloy calls softly.

The man looks up and gives him a weak smile.

Eloy feels his heart shatter and he drops the knife as he approaches the man he loves.

“You’re burning up,” he whispers concerned.

“I feedle fern, m fe fine,” Jace struggles incoherently, “I feel

fine .“

But even Eloy can see through the lie, through the agony it takes Jace to speak.

His eyes stray to the black bile staining the concrete and his stomach twists.

He looks up at Jace and he sees the man’s palor change.

“I’m fine,” he insists.

Eloy nods.  He wants to believe him.  Of course he does, but he stares at Jace’s missing limb and his breath catches in his throat.

It’s bleeding profusely.  But it’s not quite blood.

At least… not entirely.

He wants to back away and run in fear.

But this is the man he loves, the man he trusts with his life.

“I’ll get you there safely,” Jace whispers, stumbling forward.

Eloy steadies his lover and he searches the man’s eyes.

“I’ll get you all safely across the border,” Jace repeats stronger, “I promise.”

Eloy nods numbly, but all he wants to ask is what’s the point?

What’s

the point if you won’t be with us?

“I love you,” Jace whispers.

“I love you too,” Eloy repeats, even if Jace looks less and less human.

Hour twenty-three.

“Make a right here.”

Eloy isn’t listening.

His eyes are glued to Hope’s round little face, her heart shaped lips parting on a yawn.

Her hazy little eyes still closed.

For a brief moment he closes his own eyes.

He doesn’t know when he falls asleep.

Hour thirty-seven.

They stop.

It’s sudden and abrupt.

A jolt as their car slams into another.

Eloy’s instinct is to grab onto Hope and place an arm in front of James as they’re jerked forward.

Smoke quickly rises to the sky.

“What the fuck,” Alexis curses.

One by one they stumble from the car.

Two hours.

They just had two more hours.

“Jace?” Eloy calls when he doesn’t notice the man.

He hurries to the drives side and finds Jace pale and sweating in the driver’s seat.

The smell of gasoline puts fear into Eloy’s heart.

With a free hand he yanks at the door, trying to open it but finding it’s stuck.

He panicks.

Smoke gives way to flames and it’s hot.

So hot.

So unbearably hot .

“Jace!”

The man groans tiredly, his eyes open and land on Eloy and their daughter.  His vision hazy.

Blurred.

“Eloy?”

Eloy quickly hands Sean the baby and Eloy grabs a rock, slamming it into the window until the glass shatters.

“Come on,” he begs.

Jace nods weakly, he tries to move but he’s stuck.

They find the seatbelt constricting him.

Eloy bites his lip as he takes a shard of glass and tries to reach over the broken window to saw at the belt.

“You’re bleeding,” Jace huffs.

“I’m okay,” Eloy lies, “now help me, help you get out.”

Jace nods.

And finally Jace manages to slip free.

Eloy takes most of the man’s weight as they hurry away from the burning car.

They wait for the explosion until they’re deaf.

All Eloy can hear is Hope’s high pitched scream, her little fists waving in the air as they approach the others.

She’s safe.

She’s safe .

Hour forty.

Their eyes land on the massive wall that could rival that of China.

It’s made of cement and built high and sturdy.

Only three scattered doors separated by miles and miles of stone.

They eventually find one.

And immediately guns are pointed their way.

Jace falls to his knees, tears dripping down his face and leaving salty tracks on his dirt smudged cheeks.

“We made it,” Alexis breathes.

“We’re safe,” Eloy agrees, all choked up.

Eloy turns to Jace with a smile that could rival the sun.

He approaches Jace and the man immediately wraps him in a hug.

Eloy melts.

“I love you,” another kiss is pressed to his temple, their little girl snuffing in discomfort at being squished.

Jace looks down at their baby and leans down to press a kiss to her forehead.

“Tell her I love her,” Jace whispers, voice breaking.

“What?” Eloy laughs a bit breathless, “you’re going to tell her yourself, you-”

Eloy looks into Jace’s eyes and he no longer recognizes the man he loves.

Those are not the eyes of his lover.

They’re dull.

Vacant.

Lips a purplish hue.

Skin a grayish blue.

Eloy shakes his head, “no.”

His voice breaks, his heart shatters, “no.”

Sean is the one to pull him away from Jace’s sudden limp embrace.

And just like that he’s gone.

Epilogue.

The media and all news outlets suddenly shut down, the connection with the rest of the world snapping and leaving everyone in the dark with nothing but static.

On the other side of the wall was the bustling of speculation and fear despite it being three years after the outbreak.

A new illness has ravaged only one country, better known as the once-great United States of America.

Borders have closed indefinitely.

Highly contagious.

Spread through bodily fluids?

Uncertain what has caused this mass hysteria.

Zombies!!

They’re being called the

infected

.

Is it truly an illness or have humans gone rogue?

Biologic warfare gone wrong?  Proof indicates that nations have teamed up against the United States!

Is it for the better?

The only thing that he remembers from so many months ago being mentioned and emphasized was the onset of the disease.  Warning people to stay away from those infected and to never take a chance because it all begins with an onset of seizures.  Seizures that cause all vital organ activity to stop.

He doesn’t remember him ever having a seizure as televised in reruns of old news.

He remembers the light leaving his eyes though.

Within minutes the ceased beating of the heart would reanimate and restart, pumping infected blood throughout the infected’s veins and throughout their body until everything was destroyed and replaced with death.

He closes his eyes and can only picture the beating of their heart in sync.

Not once did his (Jace’s) heart stop beating either.

Warm skin becomes cold and pale with a grayish deadly hue to it.

That he remembers clearly.

The way Jace practically turned to stone for just a brief moment.

A strong stench of death emitting from their rotting corpses following after as they deteriorate.

He’s thankful he and their baby didn’t see him deteriorate.

Everything, just

everythin

g, became wrong about them.

Everything .

Everything was just slightly

off

about them.

Their eyes become hollow, dull, and lifeless.

Lips pale and cracked.

Skin bruised with purple and blue all over and no sign of ever healing.

Almost as if they were dead.

But Eloy refuses to believe that.

And for a few brief moments they

were

and yet they walk, they groan and moan and

attack

.

Jace would never.

It’s a terrifying disease that eats away at the person, kills them and brings them back as a monster, an uncontrollable and insatiable beast.

Worst part yet— there is no known cure.

Eloy swears there is.

There has to be.

Of course there wouldn’t be, not when the origin of such a disease is so obscure.  When no one knows where it even came from

though the speculations continue.

And although the infected appear weak, slow, and dim, they are anything but.

They are fast when motivated with fresh meat, when the sound of a healthy heartbeat reaches their ears, when rich untainted blood tickles their rotting noses.

And it all begins with a single bite, just

one.

A single tear runs down Eloy’s cheek.

He presses a kiss to the wall, knowing that on the other side is his better half.

And the father to their baby.

Hope.

He still has ho

pe .

The end.