Eight Billion Hearts

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, some places and incidents are products of the author’s imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved. No part of this story may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the author of the book.

PLAGIARISM IS A CRIME.

The story is written in Taglish . I apologize for those who wanted to read my story but they can’t because they don’t understand the language.

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. . .

jseeyou’s oneshot:

Eight Billion Hearts

WILLIAM

I looked at the clock before turning my gaze forward. For the last time, I faced the mirror and looked at myself closely.

“Are you ready?” Napalingon ako sa pintuan nang makarinig ng katok mula sa labas. Sinuot ko na ang bag kong dala at lumabas ng pintuan. Nakasalubong ko naman ang kaibigan kong si Harold at marahang tumango. “Let’s go.”

After leaving the hotel, we got into his car and headed towards our destination. I secretly smiled in my seat as I watched him start the engine of his car. I’m finally going to see him again.

It took us a while before we got to the place where she’s staying. Malayo kasi ito mula sa hotel kong tinuluyan kaya naman inabutan kami ng mahigit isang oras bago tuluyang makarating. In the middle of the road trip, I can’t help myself remembering when did it all start.

Saan nga ba kami nagsimula?

~ ~ ~

FLASHBACK

It was raining heavily that night when I first met him. Malamig ang kapaligiran dahil sa lakas ng ulan at wala ring katao-taong makikita sa buong paligid bukod sa ‘kin. Kasalukyan akong nakatayo sa gitna ng madilim na kalsada at nakahalukipkip upang pakalmahin ang sarili. The chill in the air seemed to seep into my bones, making me shiver uncontrollably. But it wasn’t just the cold that was causing me discomfort. My heart ached, a deep, gnawing pain that felt like it was squeezing and shrinking with each beat. It was as if every pulse was a reminder of the hurt that lingered within me.

I was fifteen years old when I got diagnosed with a heart failure. The doctor said that I have a weak heart and I should always check myself whenever I am feeling bad or uncomfortable.

Yet there I was, alone in the middle of the stormy night. Nanakaw kasi ang bag ko habang pauwi na sana ng bahay and I had no other option but to walk home, bare-naked. Gustuhin ko mang habulin iyong magnanakaw pero sinabihan ako ng doktor ko na hindi ako maaaring magpawis at baka atakihin na naman ang puso ko. Bagama’t hindi ko na hinabol pa ang mama ay inabutan naman ako ng malakas na ulan at sa kasamaang-palad ay malayo pa ako sa aking tirahan.

I gently massaged my chest as I started to feel the intense pain coming from my heart, but of course, I knew that it wasn’t enough. I tried to deal with it for a little longer but eventually, napaluhod na ako sa lupa makalipas lamang ang ilang saglit hanggang sa tuluyan na akong kapusin sa hangin.

I gasped for air as I was fighting for my life and unintentionally stared at the moon which was my only source of light despite the heavy rain. My vision blurred, and just as I felt myself slipping into unconsciousness, a silhouette emerged from the shadows, holding an umbrella over me.

I was stunned.

“O-okay ka lang po ba?” Nag-aalalang tanong nito sa akin habang inilalahad ang kaniyang malambot na palad.

There he was, lending a hand for me.

I didn’t know how long I had been staring at him. It was only when I felt the calming stillness wash over me that I realized how long I had been staring. My trembling hands, cold and damp from the rain, hesitantly reached out and accepted his warm grasp. With his help, I slowly rose to my feet, my heart still racing with the intensity of the moment.

“T-thank you…” nang maintindihan nito ang pinaparating ng aking mga tingin ay matamis itong ngumiti at nagpakilala.

“

Riley.”

---

After Riley and I met, our encounters continued more because I just later on found out that we were actually in the same school and class. Hindi kasi ako madalas makipag-socialize sa ibang tao rito. Most of my classmates see me as someone unapproachable because my parents are well known and respected in this school kaya hindi ko na rin pinipilit ang sarili kong makisama sa kanila. It’s not that they bully me at school, ako lang talaga yung tipong mas gugustuhin nalang na mapag-isa sa gilid.

Before, I don’t really care much about my environment but ever since he caught my attention, I just found myself staring at him the whole time before I could even realize. Minsan, nagkakausap kami saglit para pag-usapan ang ilang mga bagay, minsan naman ay bumabati ito sa akin tuwing kami ay nagsasalubungan sa hallway. At first, I tried calming myself whenever we had our small chitchat but I just feel my heart fluttering every time I hear his voice.

At first, I thought it was just a passing moment, a fleeting feeling that would soon fade away. But as our interactions continued, I began to realize that what I felt was more than just a passing fancy-it was something deeper, something that was steadily growing inside me.

One day, our class section had a campus trip. We got partnered by coincidence and we were tasked to look for survival tools inside the forest. While we were gathering some woods for the fire, he told me what he wanted to be once he grow up.

“Alam mo ba, pangarap kong mapuntahan lahat ng mga bansa sa mundo? Yun nga lang, hindi ko na yata matutupad dahil gusto kong maging doktor paglaki. Hindi ko naman kasi balak maging flight attendant.”

I looked at Riley and smiled as I watched him pick something up on the floor.

“Well, you’re lucky that you can still be capable of fulfilling your dreams,” I said.

“Huh?” Napalingon ito sa akin at kumunot ang noo. “Bakit? Ano bang pangarap mo sa buhay?”

Napayuko ako sa tanong nito at saglit na napabuntong-hininga.

“A pilot.”

“Pilot? Oh, edi mas kaya mo palang abutin iyong pangarap mo dahil mayaman ka naman! Bakit? May takot ka sa heights ‘no?” Malokong hula nito pero tinawanan ko nalang.

“Because I have CAD.”

“CAD?”

“Coronary Artery Disease.” Bahagyang natahimik naman ito matapos kong sabihin iyon sa kanya.

“S-sorry, hindi ko alam…” malungkot nitong sambit pero mabilis ko naman siyang inilingan.

“No, it’s fine. Three years na naman since I got diagnosed.” Kahit na sinubukan kong pagaanin ang loob nito ay hindi pa rin mawala-wala ang lungkot ng kanyang mga mata kaya napakagat-labi ako. Did I just ruin the mood?

“Pasensya na talaga, William. But don’t worry, alam kong matutupad mo rin ang pangarap mo balang-araw. Ikaw pa ba? Eh mukhang mas healthy pa nga katawan mo kaysa sa ‘kin!” siniko nito ang braso ko at yumakap ng mahigpit sa akin. Marahil hindi ko inaasahan ang pagyakap nito ay aksidente kong nabitawan ang lahat ng bitbit kong kahoy sa mga kamay. Parehas naman kaming natawa at akmang tutulong na sana sa kaniyang pulutin ulit ang mga kahoy nang bigla akong makaramdam ng pangingirot sa puso. Natigilan ako.

I waited for a second until my heart calms down and before Riley could turn back his gaze to me, I already composed myself and helped him pick up the woods. I clenched my teeth as I remembered something that I should never have forgotten.

I cannot be way too excited or else my heart will hurt because of my disease.

---

When I got home, I thought of myself the whole night. Am I in love with Riley? Kahit na alam kong maraming posible na kahihinatnan? I’ve never felt this way before even when I was a kid. This is the first time I have felt this way towards someone and it’s confusing the hell out of me.

Am I gay now? But I’m not attracted to other guys… except him. And I know to myself that I’m straight as hell.

But why am I attracted to him?

Paano kung hindi ko pala talaga siya gusto? Paano kung nadala lang ako nang dahil sa isang araw na iyon? What if I’m just confusing things because this feeling is new to me? Muling inalala ko kung bakit ko nga ba nasimulang makaramdam ng kakaiba sa kaniya.

Riley, despite not being conventionally attractive like the other boys I’ve met, exudes a cheerful demeanor. He has fair skin and is on the shorter side, not really fitting the mold of traditional male beauty standards. While he may not be considered handsome, he’s far from being ugly. Unlike me, he’s not muscular either. In fact, compared to him, I might even appear healthier.

But what sets Riley apart is his genuine heart. Kasalungat ko, he effortlessly attracts friends due to his outgoing nature and bold personality. Sometimes, I can’t help but feel like he’s in a league of his own, surrounded by people who appreciate him for who he is.

What if… I really am in love with him? Should I confess my feelings to Riley? But what if he finds me weird? What if he rejects me? What if he distances himself instead?

But what if he won’t?

I’ve thought about it for the following days hanggang sa dumating na ang araw kung saan napag-desisyunan ko nang umamin kay Riley. Sobra akong kinakabahan noong araw na iyon, but my mind is telling me that I should be brave enough dahil walang patutunguhan itong nararamdaman ko para sa kaniya kung hindi ko lang din aaminin sa huling pagkakataon.

After dismissal, I asked for his presence which he immediately agreed. Dinala ko ito sa rooftop ng aming paaralan dahil iyon lamang ang lugar na walang tao at malapit lang din ang silid-aralan namin doon. Nang makarating ay pinanood ako nitong isarado ang pinto at hinila siya patungo sa pinakagitnang parte ng lugar. He looked at me with curiosity as he finds it weird dahil dinala ko pa siya sa rooftop.

“William?” Nagtatakang tanong nito sa akin. Humingang malalim naman ako bago humarap sa kaniya at napalunok ng laway.

“I know, this is so sudden for me to tell you this but… lately, palagi ko nalang

napapansin

ang sarili kong

natutulala

sa kawalan.” Humakbang ako palapit sa kaniya at nahawigan ko ang pagkalito at pagiging kabado nito sa binabalak ko.

“

Riley,” I began, my voice trembling slightly as I gathered my courage. “

Every moment with you feels like a kaleidoscope of emotions, and I can’t hold back the truth any longer. I’ve realized that in the midst of my fears and uncertainties, there’s something undeniable-something more profound than my struggles.” I reached out, my hands clasping his, feeling the chill of his skin against mine, as I locked eyes with him.

“

W-William

…”

“

I-I…” I was about to say the words when suddenly, a strange sensation washed over me. I involuntarily let go of his hands and placed my hand on my chest, which was now slowly throbbing with pain. I glanced back at Riley, seeing the concern etched on his face as he noticed my actions. I blinked several times, trying to regain my composure.

This can’t be…

“

WILLIAM!”

The pain burned fiercely inside my chest, causing me to gasp for air. Frantically, I reached out, searching for something to hold onto for support, but it was too late. My legs gave way beneath me, and I stumbled, crashing to the floor in a heap.

I can hear Riley shouting my name as it echoes in my ears. I tried to get up from my feet but I can’t. Sinubukan kong huminga nang malalim subalit nawaglit iyon dahil sa biglaang pag-ubo ko ng maraming dugo. Hindi kalaunan ay dumilim na ang paningin ko at tuluyan akong nawalan ng malay.

At first, I believed it was the end, that fate had decided to close the chapter of my life simply because I dared to confess my feelings to the person I cared for. Nang dahil sa matinding kaba at nerbyos ay inatake ako sa puso. Reflecting on it now, it seems foolish that such a simple act of love could nearly cost me everything. But if it’s for Riley, then I would definitely give my life for him.

But unfortunately, as soon as I woke up, I just found out that my parents have already moved my confinement in the States in order to fully recover from my heart surgery.

When my parents told me what happened, I just wanted to shout and suddenly felt like wanting to go back immediately in the Philippines but my mind was just so tired from thinking. I didn’t finish what I was about to say to him at the rooftop. I never got the chance to hear his response. I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye to Riley.

Ang sabi ni dad, si Riley raw ang tumawag sa ambulansya at tinawagan din ang pamilya ko upang malaman kung ano ang kalagayan ko. He was so scared to death thinking that he must’ve been the cause of all of this but he’s not. He’s never the cause. It is my fault. It is because I have a stupid weak heart and I can’t even control my emotions. That was the last time we saw each other. At least in his part. Mabuti na nga lang at may willing na nag-donate ng puso para sa akin because my state that time was so severe dahil hindi na kinaya pa ng aking puso.

Despite our wealth, opportunities like this had never crossed our paths before. Who would willingly entrust their heart to a stranger, after all? Unless, of course, they were genuinely concerned and kind-hearted. That’s why I will always be eternally grateful to that person for offering me a second chance.

After the surgery, ilang linggo rin ang lumipas at lumipad na kami ng United States upang mas matutukan ng mabuti ang kalagayan ko. The doctor said that I have to stay and rest for six months to gain full recovery from my operation. Noong malaman ko kung gaano katagal ang kakailanganin kong pahinga, awtomatikong bumaba ang mga balikat ko sa katawan.

Sobrang tagal . Sobrang tagal pa bago ko siya muling makita. But deep inside, I also wanted to take that time to rest so when the time comes where we will see each other once again, I can finally stand on my own feet.

END OF FLASHBACK

~ ~ ~

Huminto muna ako sa pagbabalik-tanaw sa nakaraan nang tumigil na ang kotseng sinasakyan namin ni Harold. Binuksan ko ang bintana ng kotse at tumingala upang makita kung tama ba ang lugar na pinuntahan namin at tumango nang makita ko ng klaro iyon.

“We’re here.”

H

e’s here.

Kinuha ko na ang bulaklak na binili ko para sa kaniya at pagkatapos ay bumaba na ng sasakyan. Lumingon ako sa kaibigan ko at sinuklian naman ako nito ng isang tango bago pinaandar ang makina ng kanyang kotse palayo. Muli kong ibinaling ang tingin sa harapan at huminga ng malalim bago tuluyang lumakad papasok.

The moment I entered the place, the sweet scent of air immediately lingered on my body. Nagpatuloy lang ako sa paglalakad hanggang sa matungtong ko na kung nasaan siya. I can feel the fear enveloping my system as I walk closer to where he is. Sobrang kabado ko ngayon at nanlalamig na rin ang mga kamay pero nilakasan ko lamang ang aking kalooban.

Mabibigat ang mga yapak kong huminto sa kaniyang harapan at napalunok ng laway nang tuluyan ko na siyang malapitan. Dahan-dahan akong lumapit upang mahaplos ang kaniyang lapida at pilit na ngumiti. Binasa ko ng tahimik ang kaniyang pangalan.

RILEY

S. TUAZON.

“I-it’s been a while…” sinubukan kong magsalita nang maayos ngunit hindi ko mapigilang mapiyok dahil sa pangangati ng aking lalamunan. Ramdam ko ang mga banayad na pagtulo ng aking mga luha kaya naman pinunasan ko iyon ng marahan.

Riley Tuazon. That’s the name of the person who donated his precious heart for me.

It definitely was a very difficult task for my parents to confess it to me. That night when they finally revealed who the person decided to donate their heart, I was left broken into tears. It just kept on streaming down as my mind reminisced our memories from the past. Before, I always kept on thinking what would be my purpose in this world if I can’t even live a normal life due to my disease. But now that I have someone to hold on to… just when I was about to find courage living my life again for someone… why does it has to be him?

“Bakit

kailangang

ikaw pa?” I sobbed, exhausted as I knelt in the grass, staring blankly at his name.

“

Para saan pa’t nabuhay ako kung ikaw naman ang naging kapalit nito? Dapat ako nalang! Sana, hindi nalang ako nabuhay pa para buhay ka pa rin hanggang ngayon. I am so pathetic! I’m so weak! Ang dami mo pang pangarap na gustong matupad. Ang dami mo pang mga bagay na gustong maranasan. Bakit pinili mo pang

ibigay

ang puso mo para sa walang

kwentang

tulad ko?!” halos isigaw ko na ang mga katagang iyon sa lalamunan ko.

“

Diba sabi mo, magiging doktor ka pa? Hindi ba’t gusto mo pang

bisitahin

ang lahat ng mga bansa? Bakit gano’n? Bakit maaga kang nawala?

B-bakit

… bakit

n-namatay

ka pa…” wala akong nagawa kung hindi ang umiyak at magluksa sa pagkawala niya. Napakasakit isiping hindi na siya babalik pa sa piling ko. I never got the chance to talk to him again. I don’t even remember the day when was the last time I heard his laughs. Hindi ko man lang natuloy ang huli kong sinabi sa kaniya. Malungkot akong napatingala sa kalangitan at dinama ang paghaplos ng malamig na simoy ng hangin sa akin. Napapikit ako.

Out of eight billion hearts, my heart only beats for you, Riley. I have fallen deeply for you. But now that you’re gone, to whom does my heart even belong? How do I move forward when every beat reminds me of you, of us, of what could have been?

My heart aches for your presence, yet you’re nowhere to be found. Who am I without you? How do I navigate this world without the one who gave my heart purpose?

I placed my hand over my chest as I suddenly heard the beating of my heart. It was gentle, and as time passed, it seemed to turn into a soothing melody in my ears, calming my system.

Napabuntong-hininga ako.

Pinulot ko ang buket ng mga bulaklak na binili ko para sa kaniya at ipinatong iyon sa baba ng kaniyang lapida. It was a collection of colorful flowers. I bought it for him since it reminds me every bit of him. Because of Riley, I got to experience feeling of having flutters of butterflies in my stomach even just for a little time. He was the one who made me feel what it’s like to be alive again.

Pinunasan ko na ang mga luha sa aking mga mata at tumayo sa damuhan. Pinilit kong ngumiti kahit na mahirap at masakit, at hinaplos ang kaniyang lapida sa huling pagkakataon. Even though almost a year had passed after he died, I can still feel him presence in me. Inside of me.

“Thank you, Riley. Thank you for everything. I will always cherish our memories and I will never forget you. Kahit na ayoko pang bumitaw, pipilitin kong magpatuloy para sa

hinaharap

. For my future self, and for my future family. I’ll fulfill my dream of becoming a pilot, and I will take you with me to every corner of the world, just like you always wanted.” I caressed my chest and smiled at the sky for one last time.

Thank you for healing me and giving me a second chance to live my life. Till then.

. . .

THE END

.

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