About The Story

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, business, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Do not distribute without the permission of the author.

This story is a part of the GDL Series. This story is a stand-alone, but if interested, here is the list of the stories:

GDL # 1: Come, On Make Me

GDL # 2: Almost, But Not Quite 

GDL # 3: Eyes On Me, Baby

GDL # 4: Just The Strings

GDL # 5: Hey, Cohen

Anyone who comments irrelevant things in the story shall be banned from commenting in all of my stories. Please learn to practice respect at all times. 

Anyway, enjoy reading! 

**

Facebook Page: Beeyotch Stories

Facebook Group: Eydee’ Stories 

Twitter: beeyotchWP

Instagram: aryesaaaaa

Patreon: beeyotch

Chapter 00

Chapter 00

“She’s just a child!”

“What child? She’s 18!”

“Do you hear yourself?!”

“This is not up for discussion, Carlos! Our daughter would not be dropping out of her class to pursue script-writing!”

Naupo ako sa kama ko, huminga nang malalim, bago hinanap si Blue sa kwarto ko. Mabilis ko siyang nakita na natutulog sa ilalim ng study table ko. I squat down to look at her sleeping face.

“Malapit na akong magset-up ng camera para makita kung paano mo nabubuksan iyong lock,” mahinang sabi ko sa kanya bago tumayo para isara iyong pintuan.

Silence.

Finally.

Lumapit ako sa kama ko at iniayos iyon. I straightened the bedsheet first and then proceeded with the comforter. And then I fluffed the pillow. Tumingin ako sa paligid ko. Everything’s in order.

I sat down on the bed as I waited for the longhand of the clock to strike at 12.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

Mabilis akong tumayo at lumabas. Nakita ko sila Mama at Papa na parehong naka-tingin sa akin. I greeted them good morning bago ako lumapit sa cupboard para kuhanin iyong breakfast ko. Today was Friday, so I grabbed the cornflakes. Kinuha ko iyong puting bowl tapos ay kinuha iyong gatas sa ref. I placed everything on the counter before I poured the cereal first and then filled half the bowl with milk. I stirred it three times before I looked at my parents who were watching me.

“What?” I asked because they were looking at me and it felt weird because I was about to eat.

“Karaminah.”

“Yes?” I replied as I counted inside my head. 30 seconds and then my cereal would start to lose its crunch.

“About what you said last night.”

“I’ll submit my dropping form today,” I replied.

“Look,” Mom said, sighing. “We’re okay with you taking all those workshops, but you can’t drop out.”

“Why not?” I asked. “Hindi ako nag-e-enjoy sa inaaral ko.”

“Studying is not about enjoyment.”

“Then what is it about?”

Mom looked at Dad who just signed in return. “Please. Just don’t drop out.”

I looked at them and this really was not how I wanted to start my mornings. I sighed once and then nodded.

“I will think about it.”

“Thank you,” Mom said. “Papunta ka na ba sa school?”

I shook my head. “I have to finish my script,” I replied because I was already half-way through the conflict.

Growing up, I was always told that my future was to become a lawyer. I believed that all throughout high school. But come college, there was this one subject that required us to watch a play. I’d never been to plays—laging busy ang magulang ko para magtrabaho. No big deal. I didn’t like being meddled with, anyway. But after watching that play, I was in awe of everything–the production, the actors, everything. It was amazing watching it firsthand.

That was the first time I realized I wanted to do something.

I wanted to belong to that world.

I tried acting, but it was not for me. I hated people touching me and acting in theater requires a lot of skinship I really did not like.

I tried to direct, but I was told that I was aiming too high too soon.

I tried to be in the production, but I could not stay up all night finishing the backdrops.

And finally, I tried scriptwriting.

And fell in love with it almost too quickly.

It was like… I have this world and I was in control.

For a year, I passed 2 scrips, but both were rejected. Kulang pa raw… pero hindi naman sinabi sa akin kung ano iyong kulang. I hated that. How could I find what was missing if I did not know what was missing?

It was like a physical ache in my brain.

So, I decided to enroll in classes.

But I did not have money.

So, I told my parents.

They were supportive at first, but later on, told me that I needed to focus on my degree. But I hated Legal Management. I had no interest in my course. I was failing all my subjects. I already told them I did not like what I was studying, but they told me five times already that I should finish that.

Last night, I finally gave them the dropping out form.

Today, I would try to go to my classes again para naman hindi nila masabi na sumuko lang ako agad.

The class was not yet staring when I arrived. I looked around to find an empty seat, but all I saw was the seat beside Austin Archangel Gomez de Liaño. I headed there and sat down.

“Do you have a pen?” he asked.

“What color?” I asked back as I grabbed my pencil case and got a black, blue, and red one. Meron din ako ng 0.3 hanggang 0.5.

Naka-kunot ang noo niya. “Uh… black.”

“Here,” sabi ko bago iabot sa kanya iyong ballpen ko. May naka-lagay na pangalan ko roon kaya hindi naman siguro niya kukunin iyong ballpen ko.

8 minutes later, dumating na ang professor namin. It was a general subject, but even in this, I was already bored. I grabbed my notebook and stared at the last paragraph I wrote last night.

“Miss…” sabi bigla ng katabi ko.

“Karaminah,” sabi ko.

“Karaminah,” he repeated.

“Yes. Why?”

“The prof said we’ll be having paired works.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” he repeated.

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Okay?”

His lips parted. “Ah… I have a practice right after class, but can I get your number for the assignment?”

I shook my head and then asked for my ballpen. Nagdismiss na kasi iyong klase. Baka malimutan ko iyong ballpen ko.

“Do you have a partner already?” he asked.

I shook my head as I stood up, “I’m dropping this class,” I said. “Good luck on this class, Austin Archangel,” I continued before I headed to the admin office. 

**

This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch).

Chapter 01

Chapter 01

I was re-reading the script while waiting for my parents to come home. Nakapagdrop na ako sa mga subjects ko. I just needed to ask for money para makapag-enroll sa creative writing. I focused on reading but my eyes kept on darting to the clock hanging on the wall. It was already 8pm. Wala pa sila. That usually meant something wrong happened—it was either Mom lost a big client or Mom lost a huge case. She was usually efficient with her job. She was usually home before 8pm. Kapag ganito na wala pa siya, based on experience, ay may hindi magandang nangyari.

Agad na napa-angat ang tingin ko nang marinig ko ang boses nila. They were arguing about something I was really not interested in—marami na akong problema kaya bakit ko poproblemahin ang problema ng ibang tao? I really did not get the appeal of being a lawyer.

“Mom,” I said, but they were being so loud that they did not hear me. May pinag-uusapan sila tungkol sa liquidation ng isang kumpanya at wala talaga akong maintindihan. But I needed to show them the dropping form and the enrollment form. Last day na bukas para maka-habol ako sa late enrollment.

Dumiretso sila sa kusina. Nagtatalo pa rin sila habang kumu-kuha ng tubig si Mama sa ref. Ngayon naman ay pinagtatalunan nila kung paano sasabihin sa shareholders’ meeting iyong nangyari.

Being a lawyer paid well, but it seemed like a very troubling profession. Hanggang sa bahay ay dala nila ang problema ng kliyente nila. How could my mother seriously think that I would follow their footsteps when they make lawyer look so tiring?

At least in my scripts, I could just kill my character and then all my problems would end. Or maybe tell them that it was all just a dream.

“We better tell Gia to set up the meeting.”

“Kailan?”

“A month from now? We still have to finalize—” she said before she paused when she saw me standing 5 meters away from them. “What?”

I walked towards them and placed the 2 papers in front of them. I watched as my parents read the content of the papers and how their eyes widened. Why were they surprised? I told them this morning that I would be dropping out.

“Karaminah Viel Trajano!” she shouted exactly the way she shouted at my father back when he lost that one case 3 years ago.

I stood there. “I attended my classes today,” I said.

“You dropped your classes?!”

Tumango ako. “I attended all my classes,” I repeated. “Wala akong naintindihan. It’s either that or I’ll fail all my subjects,” I honestly said. She was the one who was always reminding me that my grades were important because they’re permanently written on my transcript.

Her lips parted. Tumalikod siya sa akin. Tumingin ako kay Papa na mukhang nabigla din.

“Bukas na iyong deadline for late enrollment.”

I counted inside my head.

One.

Two.

Three.

Umabot ako ng isang minuto, pero walang nagsasalita sa kanilang dalawa. I looked at the clock. 23 minutes before 9pm. Kailangan ko nang umakyat dahil maglilinis pa ako ng katawan. I wanted to be ready for sleep before 9:30. My optimal writing hours were 10:30 to 1am. I needed to make the most of my time.

“Will you write a check or will I pay in cash?”

Mom turned around and looked at me. Her lips were still hanging. Ibinaba niya iyong tubig.

“Carlos—” she said, calling my father’s name, but stopped. “No. I’m not—” she stopped again. “Kausapin mo ’yan!” she said before marching away. But after eight steps, she stopped. “And don’t you dare write her a check!” she continued before she resumed walking.

Tumingin sa akin si Papa.

Ang lalim ng buntung-hininga niya.

“Nagdrop ka ba talaga?”

Tumango ako. “There’s the official stamp of the school,” sabi ko sa kanya bago ituro iyong stamp ng SCA.

Napa-iling siya. “Anak—”

“I want to study Creative Writing, “ I said.

“I know but—” he stopped. “Hindi ba talaga pwede na tapusin mo iyong Legal Management? Wala namang pumi-pigil sa ’yo sa pagsusulat mo.”

Umiling ako. “Maraming pinapagawa sa LegMa. Kailangan ko ng oras sa pagsusulat.” Napa-buntung-hininga siya. “Hindi mo talaga ako bibigyan ng cheke, Papa?”

“Magagalit ang Mama mo.”

“Okay,” sagot ko.

“Okay?” tanong niya.

Tumango ako. “Hindi na lang ako mag-aaral ngayong sem,” sagot ko bago nagpaalam sa kanya at dumiretso pabalik sa kwarto ko.

---

“Hindi ka ba talaga mag-aaral?” tanong sa akin ni Papa.

“Hindi niyo ako binigyan ng pang-enroll,” sagot ko.

Walong linggo na akong hindi puma-pasok sa school. Ayos lang sa akin dahil mas nakapagfocus ako sa pagsusulat. Natapos ko na iyong script ko, pero inaayos ko pa rin siya. Hindi ko yata kakayanin ang pangatlong rejection. Kailangan ay maayos lahat bago ko ito ipasa. Kailangan ay kilalang-kilala ko ang mga character para masasagot ko bawat tanong sa akin tungkol dito. Kailangan may rason ako kung bakit ganoon ang nangyari at bakit ganoon ang ginawa nila.

Mabuti na lang nagdrop ako.

“Anak…”

“Papa?”

“Talaga bang tatambay ka lang dito sa bahay?”

“Nagsusulat ako,” sabi ko sabay pakita sa kanya nung script ko. “Nasa polishing stage na ako.”

Napa-buntung-hininga siya ulit. “Wala bang middle ground dito, anak? Mag-enroll ka na lang ulit sa LegMa. Tapusin mo na lang.”

“E ayoko talaga, Papa.”

“Kahit para sa Mama mo?”

“Hindi naman siya iyong nag-aaral.”

Napa-buntung-hininga siya ulit. “Paano ’yan ngayon? E ayaw din pumayag ng Mama mo na magpalit ka ng degree?”

“Bakit daw po?”

Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ayaw ni Mama. Sinabi niya naman sa akin noon na subukan ko. Sinubukan ko naman. Tapos ayoko na. Hindi ba ibig sabihin nun na gawin ko naman iyong gusto ko?

O baka may ibang kahulugan ’yon?

Bakit ba kasi hindi na lang sabihin sa akin kung ano talaga iyong gustong mangyari? Nahihirapan akong mag-interpret.

Maya-maya ay dumating na si Mama galing sa trabaho. Mukhang galit na naman siya dahil 8:38 na siya naka-uwi. Tahimik kaming kumakain.

“Mama,” pagtawag ko, pero hindi niya ako narinig. “Mama,” mas nilakasan ko, pero hindi pa rin niya ako pinansin. “Mama!” sigaw ko. Galit na tumingin siya sa akin.

“Malapit na po ulit iyong enrollment—”

“You really want to study Creative Writing?”

Tumango ako.

Tumayo siya.

“Then maghanap ka ng pambayad mo ng tuition,” she said before walking away.

---

Naka-tingin ako sa kalendaryo. Malapit ng matapos ang semester. Malapit na muling magsimula ang pasukan. Kailangan ko na mag-enroll. Pina-basa ko sa isang kaibigan ko online iyong script ko, pero sabi niya na may kulang pa raw. Hindi pwede. Ayokong ma-reject ulit. Kailangan ko nang mag-enroll sa Creative Writing.

Tinanong ko ulit si Papa kung final na ba na hindi nila ako bibigyan ng pangtuition. Hindi raw. Dumiretso ako sa school at naghanap ng scholarship. Mayroon akong ipon, pero hanggat maaari, ayokong galawin iyon. Pang-emergency kasi iyon. Hindi pa naman yata ’to emergency. Pero paano ba masasabi kapag emergency? Kailangan kong gumawa ng criteria.

Napa-kunot ang noo ko nang makita ko na puro may grade requirements iyong sa scholarship. Paano na ’yan? Puro dropped ang grades ko. Tama nga si Mama—delikado ako.

Naka-tayo lang ako roon sa harap ng bulletin board nang mayroong tumawag sa pangalan ko.

“Ninong Aldrin,” sabi ko nang makita ko na siya iyong tumawag sa akin. Ninong ko siya dahil ka-barkada siya ni Papa nung college pa sila. Naglaro ng basketball ang Papa ko dati, pero natigil iyon nang pumasok siya sa law school. Naka-suot siya ng uniform niya. Siya iyong Coach ng basketball team ng school. Galing siya sa ibang school pero lumipat siya rito. Sabi ni Papa dahil daw mataas iyong offer sa kanya.

“Sabi ng Papa mo nagdrop ka,” he said.

“Opo.”

“Mag-e-enroll ka na ulit?”

Umiling ako. “Hindi po ako pasok sa grade requirement,” sagot ko sa kanya. “Puro ako dropped.”

Natawa siya sa akin. “Kailangan mo ba ng scholarship?”

Tumango ako. “May alam ka po ba na walang kailangan na grade? Mababa iyong grades ko,” sabi ko sa kanya. Bakit ba kasi kailangan ng grade requirement? Gusto ko lang naman mag-aral.

“Hindi ka ba binigyan ng pangtuition?”

“Hindi po.”

“May alam ka ba sa basketball?” tanong niya.

“Meron po,” sagot ko dahil minsan ay nanonood si Papa ng basketball. Hindi naman ako bingi kaya naririnig ko iyong mga sinasabi niya.

“Mahaba ba ang pasensya mo?”

“Depende po.”

Natawa siya. “Okay lang naman sa ’yo magpunas ng bola, ’di ba?”

“Okay lang po, pero walang grade requirement?”

Muli siyang natawa na para bang nagjojoke ako. Mababa kasi talaga ang grades ko.

“Wala,” sabi niya. “Pero kailangan mong mag-assist sa basketball team, ayos lang ba sa ’yo ’yun?”

“Ako lang po mag-isa?”

“Meron ka namang kasama, pero medyo demanding lalo na kapag nagsimula na ulit iyong season. Saka sa bakasyon since may training din, so kailangan nandun ka rin.”

Tumango ako. “Basta po walang grade requirements.”

Tumawa ulit si Ninong. “Wala nga talaga, pero sama ka muna sa akin sa gym. Try mo muna ngayon. Kapag kaya mo, saka natin ayusin iyong sa papers para maging scholar ka na.”

Sumama ako kay Ninong papunta sa gym ng school. Mula sa malayo pa lang ay rinig na rinig ko na iyong tunog ng sapatos nila sa pagkiskis sa sahig. Pati iyong bawat pagdribble ng bola.

“Ano po’ng gagawin ko ngayon?”

“Mag-aabot ng tubig, mag-aayos ng bola pagkatapos ng practice,” sagot niya.

“Hindi ba nila kaya kumuha ng tubig?”

Natawa siya. “Mga tamad ’yun.”

Tumango ako. Noted.

Pagdating namin sa loob ay nakita ko iyong mga lalaki na naglalaro. Pero nang makita nila si Ninong ay agad silang umayos. Agad akong pumunta roon sa may lalagyan ng tubig at kinuha iyong baso roon. Tumingin ako sa kanila para bilangin kung ilan sila para alam ko kung ilang baso ang lalagyan ko ng tubig.

One.

Two.

Three.

Napa-hinto ang tingin ko nang makita ko si Austin Archangel na naka-tingin sa akin. Bahagyang naka-kunot ang noo niya. Napa-kunot din ang noo ko dahil hindi niya binalik iyong ballpen ko. Ilang araw kong inisip iyon, pero pilit kong kinalimutan dahil hindi ako maka-balik sa school dahil nakapagdrop na ako. Nagsisi rin ako na hindi ko kinuha iyong number niya kaya hindi ako makapagtanong tungkol sa ballpen ko.

Nang matapos kong bilangin kung ilan silang lahat ay nagsimula na akong maglagay ng tubig sa baso. Gaano ba kahirap maglagay ng tubig? Bakit kailangan nila ng assistant para sa bagay na ito?

Naupo ako sa bench nang matapos ako sa paglalagay ng tubig. Kasalukuyang tuma-takbo sila sa palibot ng gym. Pagkatapos nun ay nagsimula na silang maglaro.

Gabi na nang matapos sila. Dapat pala dinala ko iyong laptop ko. Ilang oras akong naka-tingin lang habang naglalaro sila.

“Hi,” sabi ni Phil sa akin. Dahil wala akong ginagawa ay binasa ko iyong inabot sa akin ni Ninong kanina na profile ng mga players. Sana matanggap ako rito dahil aanhin ko ang pangalan nila kung hindi naman pala ako magta-trabaho rito?

“Hello,” sagot ko.

“Ikaw bagong manager?”

“Hindi ko pa sigurado.”

Tumango lang siya bago ngumiti at umalis para bumalik sa gitna ng court. Maya-maya ay si Austin Archangel naman ang lumapit sa akin. Agad ko siyang inabutan ng tubig.

“I thought you dropped?”

“Nasaan iyong ballpen ko?” tanong ko sa kanya.

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Ballpen?”

Tumango ako. “Iyong kulay black? 0.4? Iyong hiniram mo nung sinabi ko na magda-drop ako?” paalala ko sa kanya.

Napaawang iyong labi niya. “Oh, that.”

“Nawala mo ba?” tanong ko. Kung nawala niya, sana sabihin niya sa akin para, at least, makapagmove on na ako.

“No, nasa kwarto ko.”

Tumango ako. “Pwedeng ibalik mo bukas?”

“Okay…” sagot niya habang naka-tingin sa akin. “You’ve been thinking about that pen?”

“Oo kasi hiniram mo tapos hindi mo binalik.”

Napaawang ang labi niya. Napa-kurap siya. Magsasalita pa sana siya kaya lang ay malakas na tinawag ni Psalm ang pangalan niya.

“Paki-balik sa akin bukas. Salamat,” sabi ko sa kanya bago siya bumalik sa gitna ng court. Napa-buntung-hininga ako. Nasabi ko rin. 

---

This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch).

Chapter 02

Chapter 02

“Finally,” I said to myself after I laid all the pens down. The physical ache in my brain got stronger everyday tuwing naaalala ko na kulang ang ballpen ko. It took me a full year to decide on what pen I would like to use for the rest of my life. I tried different brands, but ultimately settled with Unipin. I liked how it glides against the paper. I liked how the ink appeared against the paper. I liked it. Kaya naiinis ako nang hindi niya ibinalik iyong ballpen ko. I was forced to stare at my now incomplete set. Ayoko nang pabagu-bago. I didn’t like changing my routine. I was comfortable with knowing what I would do in a day. I definitely had a strong feeling of dislike towards surprises.

I slept well that night knowing that tomorrow, makukumpleto na ulit ang mga ballpen ko.

Maaga akong gumising. I usually wake up at 7AM. That gave me enough time to fix my bed and fix myself before I go downstairs to fix myself my breakfast. I alternate on cereals and sandwich dahil ayokong magsawa. I change cereals every other month—depende kung ano ang masarap sa panlasa ko sa buwan na ’yon.

I took 3 deep breaths before I headed straight to the bathroom and forced myself to take a bath kahit na masyado pang maaga para sa akin. Coach Aldrin, he told me to call him that kapag nasa court kami, told me that I needed to be at the gym before 4am. Marunong naman akong magdrive, but I did not like the idea of me driving this early dahil madilim pa sa labas. Darkness scares me because I hated the idea of not knowing what was lurking behind the shadows. Kaya naman nang matapos akong maligo at mag-ayos ay agad akong dumiretso sa kuwarto nila Ate Gina at Kuya Robert.

“Karma, ano’ng meron? Ano’ng oras na ba?”

“Pupunta ako sa school.”

“Ha? Napaka-aga pa.”

“Alam ko,” sagot ko. “Paki-gising na lang si Kuya. Salamat.”

Bumalik ako sa sala habang naghihintay. I was 6 years old when my parents hired Ate Gina. I liked her. She did not take what I say to the heart. Iyong ibang naging kasambahay namin, umalis dahil nainis sa akin. But I did not mean to be rude or disrespectful—I just really say things that I mean.

And then Kuya Robert got hired as our driver.

And then they fell in love and got married.

We have a guest house sa likuran ng bahay namin at doon sila naka-tira. My parents insisted na doon sila tumira. Ayaw nila na naiiwan ako mag-isa dahil pareho silang busy sa trabaho. Minsan, kapag nawawala si Blue, ay doon ko siya hinahanap. Paborito niya si Kuya Robert dahil lagi siyang pinapakain. Hindi ko naman siya nakaka-limutang pakainin kaya hindi ko alam kung bakit nagpapanggap siya sa iba na gutom siya.

“Good morning,” bati ni Kuya Robert.

“Good morning, Kuya.”

“Sa school tayo?”

Tumango ako. “Sa gate 3 po,” sagot ko dahil iyon ang gate na malapit sa gym. Masyadong malaki ang SCA. Ayokong maglakad doon ng madilim pa.

Sabay kaming naglakad ni Kuya Robert papunta sa garahe. Mayroon pa siyang hawak na tumbler kung nasaan ang kape niya.

“Bakit ang aga ata ng klase mo? Normal ba ’yan?”

“Manager na ako ng basketball team.”

“Kailan pa?” tanong niya habang nagkakabit ako ng seatbelt.

“Kahapon lang.”

“Kailan ka pa nahilig sa basketball?”

“Hindi naman ako mahilig sa basketball.”

“E bakit bigla kang nagmanager? Para ba iyan sa script mo?” tanong niya. Minsan kasi ay pinapa-basa ko sa kanila ni Ate Gina iyong script. Minsan, kapag bored sila, ay inaarte nila iyong linya.

“Hindi. Kailangan ko ng scholarship.”

“Wait… alam ba ng Mama mo ’to?”

“Hindi po.”

Agad siyang napa-preno. Agad akong napa-kapit sa seatbelt ko. “Anak ka ng mama mo! Pareho tayong papagalitan nito!” sabi niya habang naka-tingin sa akin. “Hindi ka nagpaalam! Bakit isipin nung kinidnap kita!”

Kinuha ko iyong cellphone ko at nagtext kay Mama na papunta ako sa school. Pina-kita ko iyon kay Kuya. Napa-iling na lang siya sa akin.

“Hintayin ba kita?” tanong ni Kuya pagdating namin sa school.

“Hindi ko pa alam iyong schedule. Magtetext na lang ako kapag magpapa-sundo na ako.”

Tumango siya. “Gusto mo ba ihatid kita?” tanong niya dahil alam niya na ayoko sa madilim.

Tumingin ako sa likod. May mga poste naman ng ilaw. Ayoko lang iyong madilim na madilim na wala kang nakikita. Minsan ay ayoko ring pumikit.

“Hindi na. Malapit lang naman iyong gym,” sabi ko. “Salamat sa paghatid. Ingat pabalik,” dugtong ko bago naglakad papunta sa gate.

“Good morning,” bati ko sa guard dahil turo sa akin ni Ate ay dapat buma-bati agad ako ng good morning, good afternoon, o good evening.

“Good morning, Ma’am,” naka-ngiting bati ni Kuya Alan, ayon sa naka-sulat sa uniform niya. “Sa gym kayo?”

Tumango ako. “Manager po.”

“Okay, Ma’am, ID na lang po.”

Kinuha ko iyong ID ko at inabot sa kanya, pero ibinalik niya sa akin dahil hindi daw validated. Naka-tayo ako roon at iniisip ang susunod ko na gagawin.

“Good morning, idol!” sabi ni Kuya Guard. Napa-tingin ako sa likod ko para makita kung sino iyong idol na sinasabi niya.

“Dala mo iyong ballpen ko?” tanong ko nang makita ko si Austin Archangel na naka-tayo sa likuran ko. Masyado siyang matangkad. Ayokong luma-lapit sa kanya dahil parang biglang nagiging maliit ako kahit normal naman ang height ko according sa survey na binasa ko.

“Good morning, Kuya,” sabi niya kay Kuya Guard.

“Dala mo iyong ballpen ko?” tanong ko ulit. Naka-suot siya ng puting t-shirt at jersey shorts ng school. Mayroong gym bag na naka-sabit sa balikat niya at sa bag na iyon ay naka-sabit iyong sapatos niya. Mayroong manipis na headband sa ulo niya, pero parang wala naman iyong silbi para pigilan iyong kulot niyang buhok.

Tumango siya. “In my bag.”

Tumango rin ako. Naka-tingin siya sa akin. “Won’t you go in?”

“Hindi validated iyong ID ko.”

“Right…” sabi niya. “Because you dropped out.”

“Yes.”

Tumingin siya kay Kuya. “Kuya, she just dropped out, but Coach already introduced her to us yesterday. Vouch ko na lang po?”

Tumingin sa akin si Kuya bago tumango. Mayroong pina-sulatan sa akin at saka binigyan ako ng Visitor’s ID.

“Thank you,” sabi ko kay Austin Archangel nang naglalakad na kami papunta sa gym. Kinailangan niyang iwanan iyong ID niya para maka-pasok ako.

He nodded. “No problem.”

Medyo dumistansya ako sa kanya dahil masyado talaga siyang matangkad sa akin. Napa-tingin siya dahil sa ginawa ko. Tumingin din ako sa kanya.

“It’s just because you’re too tall.” Kumunot ang noo niya. “I feel smaller when you’re standing right beside me.”

“And… that bothers you?”

“Medyo.”

“Sorry… I guess?”

I shrugged. “Not your fault. Your family’s genes made you that tall,” I said. I already saw his brothers and they’re all tall, but the tallest would be Cohen.

“Okay…” he said. “But you dropped our class. Saan ka lumipat?”

“Haven’t transferred yet. I’m currently an out of school youth.”

I looked at him and there was a small smile on his face—like it was mid-laughter, but he immediately stopped when he saw me looking at him.

He cleared his throat. “But you’re here now. Mag-aaral ka na ulit?”

“Yes.”

“What degree?”

“Creative Writing.”

He gently nodded his head. “So… you’re finally pursuing that.”

“Pursuing what?”

“Writing.”

“You know I’m writing?”

“Well, I didn’t mean to, but we’ve been seatmates for a few weeks and sometimes, I accidentally read what you’re writing.”

“How can you accidentally read something?” I asked. “Isn’t reading a conscious decision? Like… you will literally drag your eyes across the words…”

Inilipat niya iyong bag sa kabila niyang balikat. “Are you mad?”

“No,” I said. “But next time, ask for permission.”

“Okay. But for the record, I was actually interested in what you’re writing.”

“Talaga?”

He nodded. “Yes. Tapos mo na ba?”

“Hindi pa,” sagot ko nang maka-rating kami sa gym. May mga tao na roon. Tumingin sa akin si Austin Archangel.

“Do you know what you’ll do?”

“I will wait for Coach.”

He nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” he repeated and then smiled a little before he headed towards his teammates.

---

When Coach Aldrin arrived, inabutan niya ako ng clipboard at papel kung nasaan nandoon iyong pangalan ng lahat ng players. My eyes automatically scanned all the names and thought that a few of them would make nice names of fictional characters.

“Assist ka sa warm-up drills and then later, sulat mo lang iyong stats ng bawat players,” sabi niya at saka nagdagdag pa ng ilang kailangan kong gawin.

Naka-tayo lang ako at nagpupulot ng bola at nag-aabot sa warm-up drills nila. They must really love playing basketball because this looked really draining. Inaantok pa nga ako dahil dapat ay tulog pa ako ngayon.

Pagkatapos ng drills nila ay nagsimula na ulit silang maglaro. Nakikinig ako sa sinasabi ni Coach Aldrin tungkol sa kailangan nilang maging play ngayong season para mapanatili iyong championship sa school namin. Hindi ko alam na champion pala kami.

I sat down on the bleachers and watched them play. Sinusulat ko lang iyong statistics kung sino ang nakaka-shoot at kung paano, kung sino ang nagpapasa kanino.

“Thank you,” sabi ni Austin Archangel nang abutan ko siya ng baso ng tubig nang lumapit siya. Nagsubstitute sa kanya iyong si Phil.

Naka-tingin ako sa court at patuloy sa paglilista. Naupo siya sa bleachers—but 12 inches away from me. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya at may pawis na tumu-tulo sa gilid ng ulo niya. Tumayo ako at kumuha ng towel mula roon sa box na sinabi ni Coach na trabaho ko rin na siguraduhin na merong malinis kada training.

“Thank you,” sabi niya nang abutan ko siya.

“You’re welcome.”

Inilagay niya iyong baso sa gitna namin at saka pinunasan iyong pawis niya. Tinanggal niya iyong walang kwentang headband niya at pinunasan iyong kulot niyang buhok.

“Austin Archangel.”

“Yes, Karaminah Viel.”

“Iyong ballpen ko.”

Napa-kurap siya. Napa-awang ang labi. “Right…” sabi niya at saka tumayo at kinuha iyong duffel bag niya. May nilabas siyang tumbler, gatorade, mga protein bars, bago finally ay inabot niya sa akin iyong ballpen ko.

Sa wakas.

I immediately tried to write using it para makita kung may tinta pa… kasi ano pa ang silbi na binalik niya sa akin ito kung hindi ko naman pala magagamit?

“For the record, I was really supposed to return it that day pero bigla ka na lang umalis pagkatapos mong sabihin na magda-drop ka.”

I nodded. “It was my fault.”

His lips parted. “I… didn’t say that.”

“It’s okay. Alam ko naman na kasalanan ko.”

Bahagyang kumunot ang noo niya, pero bago pa man siya may masabi pa ay tinawag ulit ang pangalan niya para maglaro ulit.

---

Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi naman ako naglaro, pero pakiramdam ko na napagod din ako sa ginagawa niya. Pagkatapos ng training, nagmeeting pa sila at kinailangan kong irecord iyon dahil gagawan ko raw ng minutes.

“Don’t worry, ’di mo naman gagawin lahat ’to mag-isa. Umuwi lang province iyong isa pang kasama mo,” sabi ni Coach Aldrin.

“It’s okay po,” sagot ko habang isa-isang pinu-pulot iyong mga bola na kailangan ko pang punasan. I still had to figure out kung ano ang gagawin ko sa mga maduming tuwalya. Hindi ako marunong maglaba. Papapasukin kaya ni Kuya Guard si Ate Gina?

Isa-isa nang nag-alisan iyong mga player.

Natahimik din ako.

Malapit na akong matapos sa pagpupulot ng bola nang maka-rinig ako ng yabag. Hinanap ko kung saan nanggagaling iyon at nakita ko si Austin Archangel. Basa iyong buhok niya at naka-suot siya ng jersey shorts ng SCA, pero ibang kulay na. Naka-puting t-shirt pa rin siya at naka-suot ng itim na sliders.

“May naiwan ka ba?” tanong ko dahil umalis na siya kanina.

“My headband.”

“Iyong manipis na headband mo?”

He nodded. “Nakita mo ba?”

Umiling ako. “Kailangan mo na ba? Iaabot ko bukas kapag nakita ko,” sabi ko habang bumalik ako sa pagpupulot ng bola. Napa-tingin ako nang makita ko siyang nagpupulot din ng bola at inilalagay iyon sa lalagyan. Pinabayaan ko na siya dahil nababawasan ang trabaho ko dahil sa kanya. Gusto ko na ulit magsulat.

“Here,” sabi ko sabay abot sa kanya nung itim ko na headband. Mas makapal iyon kumpara sa headband niya na parang ponytail lang. Marami akong babyhair at naiinis ako kapag nagsusulat ako dahil parang may naka-sagabal sa mukha ko.

Naka-kunot ang noo niya.

“I will look for your headband, but you can use this for today,” sabi ko dahil mukhang kailangan niya talaga iyon dahil sa buhok niya. Magastos kaya iyan sa shampoo? May maintenance kaya? Wala pa akong character na kulot… Kailangan kong magresearch. Gusto ko kasi ay makatotohanan ang sinu-sulat ko.

“Oh… Thanks,” sabi niya sabay tanggap sa headband ko.

“No problem,” sagot ko. “Wala ka bang klase?” I asked nang mapa-tingin ako sa orasan at makita na 7:34am na.

“Mamaya pang 9am but… thanks again for this,” he replied, pertaining to the headband. I just nodded and then left. And I proceeded to look for his headband. 

---

This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch).

Chapter 03

Chapter 03

“May pagkain na ba sa bahay?” tanong ko kay Kuya nang sunduin niya ako. Isang oras kong hinahanap iyong headband ni Austin Archangel, pero hindi ko iyon nakita. Ibabalik pa rin naman niya siguro sa akin iyong headband ko.

“Meron na. Nakapagluto na ang Ate mo.”

Tumango ako at saka nagbilang ng segundo hanggang maka-uwi na kami. Gutom na ako. Kinain ko iyong baon ko na crackers habang naglilinis ako ng mga ginamit nila, pero gutom pa rin ako. Nasa backseat din iyong mga maduduming towel dahil hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko sa kanila. Papalabhan ko na lang kay Ate Gina.

Pagdating namin sa bahay ay naligo muna ako. Pinuntahan ko si Blue para bigyan ng snacks niya dahil naka-simangot na siya sa akin. Tapos ay pumunta ako sa dining area dahil naka-hain na iyong pagkain ko. Nagpasalamat ako kay Ate Gina.

“Nagalit ang Mama mo.”

“Bakit daw po?”

“E bigla kang umalis nang ganoon ka-aga. Hindi ka naman pala nagsabi.”

“Nagsabi po ako,” sabi ko sabay tingin kay Kuya Robert. “Nagtext ako kay Mama.”

“Oo nga, pero hindi ka nagsabi tungkol d’yan sa basketball na sinalihan mo.”

“Hindi ako basketball player, Ate. Nagpupulot lang ko ng bola.”

Napa-iling na lang siya sa akin. Nagpatuloy ako sa pagkain. Inaantok na rin ako, pero bawal matulog kapag kakatapos lang kumain. Kinuha ko na lang si Blue at saka naglakad kami sa garden ng 15 minuto. Tapos ay bumalik na ako sa kwarto at natulog. Nang magising ako ay kinuha ko agad iyong laptop at saka nagsimulang magsulat ulit.

Nang kinagabihan ay bumaba na ako para kumain ng hapunan.

“Nasaan si Mama?” tanong ko kay Papa dahil bakante iyong pwesto na inuupuan ni Mama.

“Hindi raw kakain.”

“Kumain siya sa labas?”

“Kinausap ko si Aldrin,” sabi ni Papa na walang koneksyon sa tanong ko. “Scholar ka raw?”

Tumango ako. “Kasi hindi umabot iyong grades ko sa scholarship. Gusto ko na mag-aral sa this sem.”

Sampung segundo ang lumipas, pero hindi nagsalita si Papa. Nagpatuloy ako sa pagkain. Kailangan kong magsabi kay Ate Gina na magtira ng pagkain para iinit ko na lang mamayang madaling-araw. Kailangan kong kumain bago pumunta sa school. Ayoko na ulit magutom kagaya ng kahapon.

Nang matapos akong kumain ay hindi pa rin tapos si Papa.

“Karma,” pagtawag niya sa akin.

“Yes po?”

“Talaga bang ayaw mo sa LegMa?”

“Ayoko po,” sagot ko. Boring. Boring lahat. Wala akong maintindihan.

Napa-buntung-hininga siya sabay tango.

---

Nang mahanap ko si Blue ay dumiretso na na kami pabalik sa kwarto ko. Naka-salubong namin si Mama, pero hindi niya ata ako nakita. Dumiretso na kami sa kwarto ko. Sinubukan kong iedit iyong manuscript ko kaya lang ay parang biglang iba ang gusto kong isulat. Nagbukas ako ng bagong document at nagsimulang magtype.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang ma-realize ko na si Austin Archangel ang dine-describe ko sa sinu-sulat ko—iyong mukha, iyong height, iyong ngiti niya… at bakit basketball player din ang character ko?

Sinubukan kong burahin iyon, pero doon pa rin ako bumabagsak. Hindi na ako lumaban. Sabi sa mga nabasa ko, normal lang naman daw na magkaroon ng inspiration sa mga sinusulat mo na character.

Bilang parte ng research ko ay hinanap ko siya sa Internet. Ang dami niyang picture sa beach. Pero hindi naman pwede na kapareho niya lahat ng isusulat ko. Iyong character ko ay magiging mahilig mamundok.

Sinubukan kong tignan iyong Instagram niya kaya lang ay naka-private iyon. Agad kong pinindot ang
request to follow bilang parte ng research ko.

Bumalik ako sa home ng Instagram ko. Hindi ako nagpopost ng picture maliban sa mga pictures ni Blue. Pero marami akong fina-follow bilang parte ng research ko. Nagso-scroll lang ako ng mga litratro nang magrefresh ako at bumungad sa akin ang litrato ni Austin Archangel. Online pala siya.

bluethecat: thank you sa pag-accept

Nagseen lang siya, pero hindi nagreply. Ayos lang dahil wala namang tanong sa sinend ko sa kanya. Nagscroll lang ako sa profile niya at bukod sa mga picture niya sa beach at sa yacht ay may picture din ng pamilya niya. Matatangkad nga talaga sila. Pati magulang niya ay halos ka-height din nila.

Pagkatapos kong makita ang buong profile niya ay ibinaba ko na ang cellphone ko at nagsimulang mag-outline.

---

“Grabe naman, Ma’am…” sabi ni Kuya Guard nang iabot ko sa kanya iyong passport ko. Hindi niya tinanggap kahapon iyong ID ko dahil hindi validated. Naiintindihan ko naman dahil sumu-sunod lang siya sa trabaho niya. Pero kailangan ko ring pumasok dahil nasa akin iyong mga towels nila.

“Kunin ko na lang after ng training,” sabi ko kay Kuya. Hindi naman ako lumalabas ng bansa dahil madalas busy sila Mama sa trabaho. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit may passport ako—minsan lang kapag biglang kailangan naming pumunta sa US para puntahan ang mga lolo at lola ko.

“Katakot naman hawakan ’yang passport mo, Ma’am.”

“Wala namang laman ’yan.”

“Wala ka bang ibang ID?”

Nag-iisip pa ako kung may iba ba akong ID maliban sa Laking National Card ko. Sasabihin ko sana na iyon lang ang ID ko nang biglang makita ko na dumaan sa ibabaw ng balikat ko iyong kamay ni Austin Archangel at inabot niya iyong ID niya kay Kuya Guard. May suot siyang kulay itim na bracelet at kulay dark blue na baller.

“Ito na lang, Kuya,” sabi niya. Medyo mababa rin ang boses niya. Tine-take note ko lahat para sa script ko. Huminga rin ako nang malalim at mayroon siyang pabango.

“Ano’ng pabango mo?” tanong ko nang lumingon ako sa kanya.

Kumunot ang noo niya. “What?”

“Ano iyong pabango mo? May pabango ka ba?”

“Tom Ford . “

“Baby powder?”

Napa-kurap siya. “No?”

Tumango ako. “Salamat,” sabi ko dahil akala ko e mayroon din siyang baby powder dahil parang naamoy ko rin iyon. Gagawin ko na lang na naglalagay ng ganoon ang character ko para hindi sila parehong-pareho.

Kunot pa rin ang noo niya. “You’re welcome?”

Yumuko ako para kunin iyong box kung nasaan iyong bagong laba na mga towel nila. Maliliit lang naman iyon kaya lang ay marami. Tinanong ako ni Ate Gina kung siya na raw ba talaga ang maglalaba nun. Itatanong ko pa kay Coach mamaya kung may washing machine ba sa gym dahil kung iuuwi ko ito palagi sa bahay, pakiramdam ko ay mahihirapan ako.

“Ako na,” sabi niya.

“Thank you,” sagot ko dahil nabibigatan ako roon. Sinabi ni Kuya Robert na siya na raw ang magdadala kaya lang ay wala akong ID. Problema ko na kanina kung paano ako papasok kaya ayoko nang isipin kung paano ko siya ipupuslit sa school.

“You brought this home?”

“Sabi ni Coach kailangan malinis na. May washing machine sa bahay namin.”

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya para makita ang side profile niya. Medyo naka-tawa siya. Deepset iyong mga mata niya at medyo makapal ang kilay. Matangos ang ilong niya. Nagresearch ako at nalaman ko na may lahi siyang Espanyol.

“Your headband is in my bag. Ibabalik ko.”

“Salamat,” sagot ko. Marunong naman pala siyang magbalik. “Hinanap ko sa buong gym iyong headband mo. Hindi ko nakita. Wala ka bang ibang ganon pa?” tanong ko kasi baka tulad ko, importante din sa kanya iyong headband niya.

“I have some spare.”

“Good.”

“You really looked for it?”

“Yes. I told you—hahanapin ko.”

Tumingin akong muli sa kanya. His lips were pressed into a thin line. Napa-tingin ako sa mga braso niya na naka-flex dahil sa dala-dala niyang box bukod pa sa naka-sabit sa balikat niya na bag.

“Thank you pala sa pag-accept mo sa Instagram.”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “What?”

“Nagpasalamat na ako kagabi, pero salamat ulit,” sagot ko sa kanya bago kami naka-rating sa loob ng gym. Nandoon na iyong ilan sa mga players. Agad akong dumiretso para ayusin iyong mga gamit para sa warm-up exercise nila.

Saktong 4am nagsimula iyong warm-up nila. Inaayos ko lang iyong cones habang nagse-stretch sila. Pagkatapos nun ay may routine pa sila na gagawin tapos ay magja-jogging palibot sa gym.

Nagsimula na iyong laro nila. Naka-upo lang ako sa bench habang nagrerecord ng statistics nila at nag-aabot ng towel kapag may luma-lapit. Wala namang humi-hingi ng tubig sa akin bukod kay Austin Archangel dahil may baon silang mga tumbler.

Nang maka-isang oras na sila sa paglalaro ay nagbreak muna sila. Naghubad ng jersey shirt iyong mga lalaki. Inabutan ko sila ng towel. Naka-tayo ako at naka-tuwid ang kamay ko dahil ayoko na lapitan nila ako dahil pawis na pawis sila.

“Thanks, Karms,” sabi ni Jed na pilit pinapa-igsi ang pangalan ko. Hindi ako sumagot dahil baka mawili siya. Hindi ako sasagot kapag iyan ang tinawag niya sa akin kahit maputulan pa siya ng litid.

Habang naka-break sila ay nasa gitna si Cohen at Saint at nagpa-practice magshoot ng bola mula sa three point line. Tumingin ako kay Saint tapos ay kay Austin Archangel. Sino ba ang mas magandang gawing inspiration sa story ko? Kailangan kong ifollow mamaya si Saint sa Instagram para makapagdesisyon ako.

“Are you bluethecat? “

Napa-tingin ako kay Austin Archangel. Naka-suot na ulit siya ng manipis niyang headband. “Oo,” sagot ko. “May naitutulong ba iyang headband mo?” tanong ko dahil curious talaga ako dahil isang maliit na tali lang siya sa paningin ko. Iyong ibang mga players ay makakapal ang headband nila.

Napa-hawak siya sa headband niya. “Why?”

“Wala naman.”

“May problema ka ba sa headband ko?”

Umiling ako. “Wala naman.”

“Austin Archangel,” sabi ko.

“Yes, Karaminah Viel.”

“Magagalit ka ba kung gagawin kitang inspiration sa sinusulat kong bagong script?”

Napaawang ang labi niya. Napa-kurap siya ng dalawang beses.

“Hindi naman sobrang gaya sa ’yo. May mga iibahin ako.”

Nagbilang ako ng segundo para hintayin ang sagot niya. Naka-abot ako sa bilang na panlima, pero wala akong narinig mula sa kanya bukod sa pagtitig niya sa akin.

“Okay,” sabi ko. Napa-tingin ako kay Saint na nasa gitna ng court at nagdi-dribble gamit ang kaliwang kamay niya at naka-taas ang kanang kamay at naka-taas ang index finger.

“Okay what?”

“Si Saint na lang ang gagawin kong inspiration,” sabi ko sa kanya. “Pareho naman kayong matangkad at basketball player,” dugtong ko bago naupo. Kinuha ko iyong notebook ko at magsisimula na sana akong magsulat ng mga notes ko tungkol kay Saint nang bigla akong mapa-tingin kay Austin Archangel nang tumayo siya sa harap ko.

“Okay,” sabi niya.

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Okay?”

Tumango siya. “Okay,” sabi niya. “I’ll be your inspiration.”

“Talaga?”

He pressed his lips together and then slowly nodded. “But you have to let me read the script.”

I pressed my lips together, too. “Okay,” sabi ko. “But I decide when.”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” sabi ko bago niya ibinaba iyong tumbler niya at nagjog papunta sa gitna at biglang inagaw ang bola mula kay Saint. 

---

This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch).

Chapter 04

Chapter 04

austingdl wants to follow you

Nasa kalagitnaan ako ng pagso-scroll sa profile ng kapatid niya na si Saint nang magnotify iyong Instagram. Agad kong pinindot ang accept. Puro picture lang ni Blue iyong profile. Hindi ako mahilig kumuha ng picture ng sarili ko, pero kumukuha ako tuwing birthday ko. Gusto ko siyang tignan kapag 50 years old na ako para makita ko iyong pagbabago ng itsura ko kada taon. 32 years pa ang kailangan kong hintayin.

austingdl: Did you talk to Coach regarding your ID?

bluethecat: Hindi pa.

austingdl: Will you talk to him?

bluethecat: Para saan?

austingdl: Para maka-pasok ka sa school?

bluethecat: I will bring my passport with me. Valid ID naman iyon.

austingdl: Okay…

Hindi na ako nagreply dahil wala namang tanong sa huli niyang sinend. Inilagay ko na iyong cellphone sa nighstand ko at saka pumunta sa study desk ko. Itinali ko iyong buhok ko at saka isinuot iyong headband ko. Inilagay ko iyong tumbler ko sa kanan ng laptop ko bago ako nagsimulang gumawa ng character profile para sa bago kong script.

Nang magising ako ay naligo ako at nagsuot ng itim na leggings at puting P.E. shirt ng school. Kinuha ko iyong tote bag na binigay sa isa sa mga workshop na sinalihan ko. Pagbaba ko ay napa-kunot ang noo ko nang makita ko si Mama na nasa dining area. Mamaya pang alas-sais ang gising niya.

“Why are you like this?” tanong niya na bahagyang naka-kunot ang noo. Magka-salop ang dalawa niyang kamay habang naka-patong sa lamesa. Mayroong kape na mukhang mainit pa base sa usok.

“Like what?” tanong ko habang ipina-patong iyong tote bag ko sa upuan sa harap niya. Nagsimula akong kumuha ng fried rice. Kailangan ko nang kumain ngayon dahil hindi ako maaaring ma-late. Napansin ko na pinapa-takbo ni Coach iyong mga late ng sampung beses sa paligid ng court. Baka himatayin ako kapag ginawa ko iyon.

Imbes na magsalita ay napa-iling siya. “I’ve been supportive of your hobby. I paid for the workshops and everything. All I ask ay tapusin mo iyong degree mo, Karaminah. Mahirap ba talaga iyon?”

Tumango ako. “Mahirap mag-aral kapag hindi ko gusto iyong inaaral ko.”

Mabilis na napa-pikit ang mga mata niya at humugot siya ng malalim na hininga. “Okay, fine,” sabi niya. “What is your plan here? Ikaw na ang nagsabi na iyong 2 script mo ay na-reject. I know you love writing, but what if this does not pan out? What is your longterm plan? Na umasa na lang sa amin ng Papa mo?”

Tumango ako. “I am your daughter—I am your responsibility. I did not choose to be born.”

Napaawang ang labi niya. “Unbelievable,” mahinang sabi niya, pero narinig ko naman iyon. Akala ko ay may sasabihin pa siya, pero tumayo lang siya at iniwan iyong kape niya na pahina nang pahina ang usok.

Nang matapos akong kumain ay nakita ko na naka-tingin sa akin si Ate Gina at si Kuya Robert.

“Bakit po?” tanong ko.

Napa-iling si Ate Gina habang naka-ngiti sa akin. “Naghanda ako ng meryenda mo,” sabi niya sabay lapit sa akin at lapag sa lamesa ng tupperware na mayroong laman na sandwich at insulated tumbler ko. “Orange juice iyong nasa loob. Maraming yelo.”

Ngumiti ako. “Salamat, Ate.”

Hindi nagsalita si Kuya Robert buong byahe namin. Tinulungan niya lang ako na ibaba iyong box. Pagdating ko sa guard house, pina-pasok lang ako agad dahil nag-iwan na raw si Austin Archangel ng ID niya.

Ibinaba ko iyong box ng mga towel sa gilid ng bench. Sa Monday na raw babalik iyong magiging kasama ko. Mabuti naman. Nakaka-pagod na iuwi ito araw-araw. Tahimik akong naglalagay ng mga cone para sa exercise nila habang nagse-stretch iyong mga players.

“I think we’re getting another pet,” sabi ni Saint habang naka-upo sa sahig ng court at inaabot ang mga paa niya.

“Why?” tanong ni Cohen na ganoon din ang ginagawa.

“I saw him looking at a cat’s instagram account. Do you think it’s time we have another pet?”

Nang matapos ako ay pumunta na ako roon sa lalagyan ng tubig para i-check kung marami pa bang laman iyon. Parang isda iyong mga player kung uminom ng tubig. Nang makita ko na ¼ na lang ng lalagyan iyong laman ay pumunta ako sa stock room. Masyadong mabigat iyong tubig kaya tinulak ko na lang siya sa sahig. Natigilan lang ako nang makita ko si Austin Archangel na naka-tayo sa harapan ko.

“Do you need me to carry that?”

Umiling ako. “Kaya kong itulak.”

Napa-kurap siya. “Right… but can I? Carry that instead of you pushing it?”

Tumango ako at saka tumayo. Kinuha niya iyong lalagyan at binuhat iyon ng walang kahirap-hirap. Nauna siyang maglakad sa akin. Pinanood ko kung paano siya maglakad para sa script ko.

“What?” tanong niya nang lumingon siya.

“Ano’ng sapatos ’yan?” tanong ko dahil naka-suot siya ng kulay itim na basketball shoes.

“Air Jordan 35,” sagot niya. “For your research?”

Tumango ako. “Salamat,” sabi ko nang ibaba niya iyong lalagyan ng tubig sa may dulo ng bench. Inayos ko iyong mga baso roon. Sabi ni Coach, share na lang daw iyong mga players sa baso, kaya lang ay unhygienic kaya nilagyan ko ng pangalan iyong bawat isa para may sari-sarili sila.

Dumating na si Coach at nagsimula na iyong drills nila. Naka-tayo lang ako roon at inaayos iyong cone kapag nagagalaw. Tapos ay nagjogging na naman sila. Napapagod ako kahit pinapanood ko lang sila.

Naka-tayo lang si Coach sa tabi ko habang nanonood ako ng laro nila at nagrerecord ng statistics. Kailangan na maayos ko ito dahil ayoko na panoorin pa iyong recorded na laro. Nakaka-tamad na panoorin sila ng dalawang beses.

“Okay ka naman?”

“Okay naman po,” sagot ko kay Coach.

“Kina-kamusta ka ng Papa mo sa akin. Hindi ka ba nagsasabi sa kanila?”

“Nagsabi po,” sagot ko habang naka-focus pa rin ang tingin sa kung nasaan ang bola. “Coach, nagrereklamo na si Ate Gina. Nasaan ba iyong washing machine? Tinuruan na ako kung paano gamitin.”

Natawa siya sa akin. “Okay,” sabi niya. “After nitong training, paalala mo sa akin pati pala iyong sa temporary ID mo.”

Tumango lang ako tapos ay umalis na si Coach sa tabi ko. Pinagalitan niya si Jed na hanggang ngayon ay Karms pa rin ang tawag sa akin. Hindi ko na mapa-igsi pa ang pangalan niya. Ayoko naman na tawagin siya na J.

“No practice for 3 days, but I’ll see you next week,” sabi ni Coach tapos ay may binanggit na training camp na pupuntahan. Gusto ko sanang magtanong kung saan iyon dahil sinabi niya sa akin dati na kung nasaan man sila ay nandoon din ako dahil parte raw iyon ng trabaho ko.

Tumingin ako sa paligid. Nakita ko si Jed. Napa-buntung-hininga ako.

“Jed,” sabi ko.

“Yes, Karms?”

Huminga ako nang malalim. “Saan iyong training camp?”

“Zambales,” sagot niya. “3 days lang naman.”

Tumango ako. “Salamat.”

Nginitian niya ako. “No prob, Karms.”

Hindi ko na siya pinansin pa at saka nagsimula na akong magpulot at magpunas ng mga bola. Ang tagal ng 3 days… Sana papayagan ba ako nila Mama? Hindi nila ako pinapayagan na umalis… pero hindi rin naman ako nakaka-alis dahil walang maghahatid sa akin kapag hindi sila pumayag. May sasakyan naman ako ngayon.

“Karaminah Viel.”

Napa-tingin ako sa likod ko. “Yes, Austin Archangel?”

“Here,” sabi niya sabay abot sa akin ng ID na may picture at pangalan ko. “Coach had to leave. Pinapa-abot sa akin.”

Tumango ako. “Salamat.”

Pumunta muna ako sa bench para ilagay iyong ID doon. Pagbalik ko ay nakita ko si Austin Archangel na nagpupulot din ng mga bola. Wala siguro siyang masyadong ginagawa sa degree niya dahil palagi siyang nakiki-pulot ng bola.

“Marunong ka bang maglaba?”

Napa-kunot ang noo niya. “What?”

“Nakita ko iyong washing machine. Hindi kagaya nung nasa bahay namin,” sabi ko. “Ayoko na iuwi iyong mga tuwalya.”

Naka-tingin siya sa akin at bahagyang naka-awang ang labi. Naka-tatlong segundo bago siya kumurap at saka bahagyang kumunot ang noo. “No… but I think we can Google.”

Nang matapos naming pulutin iyong mga bola ay binuhat niya iyong box. Dumiretso kami sa likuran ng gym. Nandoon iyong washing machine. Naka-tayo kaming dalawa sa harap noon.

“I-google mo na,” sabi ko sa kanya.

“Right,” sabi niya. Inilabas niya iyong cellphone niya. Tumingin ako sa kanya. Hindi ko naman gustong basahin kung anuman ang inilalagay niya roon, pero kahit gustuhin ko man, hindi ko makikita dahil masyado siyang matangkad sa akin.

“Here,” sabi niya at ipinatong iyong cellphone niya roon sa may patungan sa likod ng washing machine. Naka-tingin kami roon habang pinapanood iyong instruction mula sa Youtube. Isa-isa naming inilagay iyong mga tuwalya at saka pinindot ang mga dapat pindutin.

“Iyon na ’yun?” tanong ko nang marinig ko ang pag-ugong ng washing machine.

“I guess so,” sagot niya.

“Wala ka bang klase?” tanong ko dahil ayon sa machine ay 25 minutes pa iyon sa loob. Tapos ay kailangan ko pang isampay. Na-miss ko si Ate Gina.

“Meron,” he replied.

“International Studies ang degree mo, ’di ba?”

“Yes.”

“Ano ang magiging trabaho mo roon?”

“Is this for research?” tanong niya at tumango ako. “Well… I can be an attaché for the embassy… or maybe continue to law school. I’m still not yet sure.”

“You’re interested in law?”

“Maybe. I don’t know,” sabi niya. “Why?”

“My parents are both lawyers.”

“They’re forcing you to go to law school?”

Napa-kunot ang noo ko. “Nasabi ko na ba sa ’yo dati?” tanong ko dahil alam niya ang sasabihin ko. Ilang linggo rin kaming naging magka-tabi sa general subject bago ako nagdrop.

He shrugged. “Wild guess,” sabi niya. “You were taking up Legal Management and then you dropped.”

Napa-awang ang labi ko. “So perceptive.”

There was a lopsided grin on his face.

Naka-tayo lang kami at pinapanood na bumaba iyong numero sa machine. Mamaya pa siguro ang pasok niya dahil nandito pa rin siya.

“Austin Archangel.”

“Yes, Karaminah Viel?”

“Buong araw ba may ginagawa sa training camp?” tanong ko sa kanya dahil hindi ko naitanong kay Jed kanina dahil ayoko siyang kausapin. Hindi ako galit sa kanya, pero bakit niya ba ako binibigyan ng nickname? Magulang ko lang ang pinapayagan ko na tawagin ako na Karma.

“Yes, why?”

Napa-buntung-hininga ako. “Hindi ako makakapagsulat.”

Ayoko ng natitigil ako ng matagal sa pagsusulat dahil nawawalan ako ng gana at hindi ko alam kung paano babalik doon. Masyadong matagal ang 3 days.

“Sorry,” sabi niya.

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. “Bakit ka nagsosorry?”

Nagkibit-balikat siya. “Your sigh… you sound so down.”

“Kapag natigil ako sa pagsusulat, nahihirapan ako na sundan,” sabi ko at pinaliwanag ko sa kanya iyong writing process ko. Naka-tingin lang siya sa akin habang nagsasalita ako.

“Maybe you can’t write then… but you can treat that as your research?” sabi niya. “Since I’m your—” He cleared his throat. “Inspiration. Maybe instead of thinking that you’re doing nothing, you can just… observe.”

Napa-kunot ang noo ko. “Papanoorin ko lahat ng gagawin mo?” tanong ko sa kanya. Nagbaling siya ng tingin sa washing machine. Namula ng bahagya iyong tenga niya—o baka hindi dahil nasinagan lang ng araw.

“Not necessarily.”

“Pero kung gagawin ko, hindi ka magagalit?”

“No, why?”

“I just want your permission,” sabi ko sa kanya. Dati ay may kaklase ako nung high school. I was fascinated by her and how she acted, so I stared at her a lot of times. She got mad and scratched my arms and locked me in the CR. After that, hindi na ako tumi-titig sa mga tao. Sabi ni Ate Gina ay nakaka-ilang daw kasi… pero mali daw iyong ginawa ng kaklase ko.

“Permission granted, I guess?”

“Hindi ka sigurado?”

Napa-awang ang labi niya. “No… I’m sure.”

Tumango ako. Tumunog na iyong washing machine. Lumapit kami roon at tinulungan ako ni Austin Archangel na isampay ang mga tuwalya. 

**

This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch).

Chapter 05

Chapter 05

Kasalukuyan akong naka-upo at naka-tingin sa mga sampay ko. Apat na minuto na ang lumipas nang umalis si Austin Archangel dahil may klase pa raw siya. Iniisip ko kung papasok ba siya na ganoon ang itsura niya dahil naka-suot siya ng usual attire niya pagkatapos ng training–jersey shorts, puting t-shirt, at itim na Nike sliders. Pero ayon sa research ko ay kailangang formal o semi-formal ang suot kapag sa degree nila na International Studies.

“Karaminah?”

Napa-tingin ako sa pinanggalingan ng boses. May isang lalaki na naka-tayo roon. Moreno ang itsura niya at naka-ngiti siya sa akin. Kitang-kita ko ang puti ng ngipin niya. Pantay-pantay din iyon. Likas na maganda lang kaya ang ngipin niya o veneers iyon?

“Yes?” sagot ko.

“Serj,” sabi niya. Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya. Lumapit siya ng 2 hakbang. “Iyong kasama mo sa pag-assist? Ikaw lang ba naglaba nito?” tanong niya habang napa-tingin sa mga naka-sampay na towel. “Sorry, nagka-problema kasi sa probinsya kaya napa-uwi ako.”

“Okay lang,” sagot ko. “Dito ka na ngayon?”

Tumango siya at saka lumapit sa mga naka-sampay. Hinawakan niya iyon. “Bawi ako—ako na lang bukas dito,” sabi niya habang kinu-kuha iyong lalagyan. Tinutupi niya isa-isa iyong mga tuwalya bago inilalagay sa lalagyan. “Nahirapan ka ba?”

“Mahirap gumising nang maaga.”

“Oo nga, e.”

“Scholar ka rin?”

Tumango siya. “Ano’ng degree mo?”

“Wala pa,” sagot ko. Napa-tingin siya sa akin at napa-kunot ang noo. “Nagdrop ako.”

“Okay?” sabi niya. Bahagyang naka-kunot pa rin ang noo niya. Sabi ni Ate, kapag ganito raw ay ibig sabihin naguguluhan ang kausap ko. Kung pwede raw ay iexplain ko pa kung ano ang ibig sabihin ko. Sinusubukan ko namang maging malinaw sa lahat ng sinasabi ko, pero minsan ay may hindi pa rin nakaka-intindi sa akin.

“Legal Management iyong degree ko pero ayoko nun kaya nagdrop ako.”

Tumango siya. “Pero mag-aaral ka ulit?”

Tumango ako. “Kaya ako may scholarship.”

Natawa siya. “Okay,” sabi niya. “Ano ba’ng gusto mong kunin?”

“Creative Writing,” sabi ko. “Ikaw?”

“BA Film.”

Napaawang ang labi ko. “Wow!”

Bahagyang ngumiti siya sa akin habang patuloy pa rin sa pagtitiklop ng mga tuwalya. Tinanong ko siya kung pwede ba akong magtanong sa kanya dahil interesado ako roon… at pumayag naman siya kaya tinanghali na nang ma-sundo ako ni Kuya Robert.

Nang kinagabihan ay finollow ko si Serj gamit ang account ni Blue. Ang saya tignan ng profile niya dahil parang nakikita ko na rin kung ano ang nangyayari sa backstage. Puro black and white ang mga litrato niya. Ang creative niya. Samantalang ako ay puro stolen ni Blue—na hirap pa akong kunan dahil nagagalit siya kapag nakikita niyang itinatapat ko sa kanya ang cellphone ko.

Nang sumunod na araw ay bahagyang nanlaki ang mga mata ni Mama nang makita niya ako sa lamesa na kasabay nilang kakain ng breakfast. Tahimik siyang naupo.

“Mama,” pagtawag ko, pero hindi niya ako narinig. “Mama—”

“What?”

“Sabi ni Ninong Aldrin, may training camp. 3 araw daw. Kasama ako dahil manager ako ng team,” paliwanag ko. “Sa Zambales daw.”

Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya habang hinihintay siyang sumagot, pero isang buong minuto ang lumipas at wala akong nakuhang sagot mula sa kanya. Tumingin ako kay Papa. Napa-buntung-hininga siya.

“Okay,” sabi niya. “May kailangan ka ba?”

“Pera po,” sagot ko.

“Send ko sa ATM mo.”

“Thank you, Papa,” sabi ko at nginitian niya ako.

Pagkatapos kumain ay hinanap ko muna si Blue para isama sa kwarto ko. Inilagay ko siya sa kama at sinubukan na kuhanan ng magandang litrato kaya lang ay agad na tinakbuhan ako at nagtago sa ilalim ng kama.

Balang-araw.

Pumunta ako sa study table at nagpatuloy sa paggawa ng character outline. Huli kong gagawin ang kay Austin Archangel dahil gaya ng sabi niya, gagawin ko na lang na research iyong sa training camp namin para naman hindi masayang ang oras ko.

---

“Mag-iingat ka roon,” sabi ni Ate Gina sa akin. “Alam ko mga ka-eskwela mo, pero walang masama mag-ingat. Maglock ka ng pinto bago ka matulog.”

Tumango ako. “Opo.”

“Baon mo,” sabi niya sabay abot sa akin ng tote bag. Sinilip ko ang laman noon at may mga crackers. Ngumiti ako kay Ate Gina at nagpasalamat bago pumunta sa sasakyan. Hinatid ako ni Kuya Robert doon. Maaga ang calltime. ’Di bale, wala naman sigurong ipapagawa sa akin habang naka-sakay kami sa shuttle. Matutulog muna ako.

“Good morning, Karms,” sabi ni Jed. Tumango lang ako sa kanya at saka nilagpasan siya. Narinig ko na nagtawanan sila Phil nang umalis ako. Naka-tayo ako roon at hinahanap kung nasaan iyong shuttle para maibaba ko na ang gamit ko at maka-idlip na ako. Kailan kaya ako masasanay sa paggising ng ganito ka-aga?

“Good morning,” sabi ni Austin Archangel. Naka-suot siya ng gray tracksuit. May naka-sabit din na puting headphone sa leeg niya.

“Morning,” sagot ko dahil walang good sa morning ko.

Bahagyang kumunot ang noo niya. “Bad morning?”

Tumango ako. “Inaantok pa ako.”

“You can nap.”

“Alam ko. Wala pa iyong shuttle.”

“Let’s go,” sabi niya.

“Saan?” tanong ko.

“I know where it’s parked,” sagot niya. Sumunod ako sa kanya. Hindi ko alam kung saan kami papunta. Maganda rin pala ang SCA kapag ganito na madilim. Tahimik lang at may mahinang ilaw ng poste sa madadaanan mo. For some reason, it was calming.

Habang naglalakad kami ay niyakap ko ang katawan ko dahil biglang humangin.

“Here,” sabi ni Austin Archangel nang i-unzip niya iyong jacket niya at iabot sa akin. Naka-suot siya ng puting t-shirt na may logo ng Champion.

“May jacket ako,” sagot ko. Nasa loob ng duffel bag ko, pero tinatamad ako na kuhanin.

Napa-kurap siya. “Okay,” sabi niya at sinuot ulit iyong jacket niya.

“Pagdating ba natin doon ay magpa-practice agad kayo?” tanong ko dahil pakiramdam ko ay gugustuhin kong matulog ulit pagdating doon. Pero baka hindi ako maka-tulog dahil nandoon ako para mag-assist.

“No,” sagot niya. “The practice starts in the afternoon.”

“So, pwede akong matulog?”

“Not sure,” sabi niya. “I think you’ll have to help set-up the court.”

“Ah… hindi naman siguro matagal,” sabi ko. “Kasama ko naman si Serj.” Napa-tingin siya sa akin. “Hindi mo kilala si Serj?” tanong ko dahil sabi sa akin ni Serj, simula nung nag-aral siya ay nasa team na siya dahil kagaya ko, kailangan niya rin ng scholarship.

“No, I know him.”

Tumango ako. Naka-rating na kami sa parking lot. Nandoon nga iyong shuttle. Pumunta kami ni Austin Archangel sa may pintuan at nakita namin na nandoon na iyong driver kaya lang ay natutulog ito sa unang row ng mga upuan. Agad akong kumatok. Muntik na siyang mahulog sa sahig.

“Good morning,” masayang bati ko sa kanya dahil sa wakas, makaka-tulog na rin ako.

Pumasok kami ni Austin Archangel sa loob ng shuttle. Doon ako naupo sa pinaka-hulihan. Inilagay ko na iyong gamit ko roon at naghanda na ako para matulog kaya lang ay nakita ko sa bintana si Serj na maraming dala-dala. Agad akong tumayo.

“I thought you’ll sleep?” tanong ni Austin Archangel.

“Tutulungan ko si Serj,” sagot ko bago lumabas at naglakad papunta kay Serj.

---

5:32am na nang maka-alis kami. Ang ingay ng mga lalaki. Kinuha ko iyong earphones ko at nagpa-tugtog ako nang malakas para hindi ko sila marinig. Naka-pikit ako at panay ang hinga nang malalim dahil nahihilo ako sa likuran.

austingdl: Are you okay?

bluethecat: Bakit naman hindi?

austingdl: You look like you’re nauseous.

bluethecat: Nahihilo talaga ako.

austingdl: You need meds?

bluethecat: Hindi na. Meron daw si Serj

Nagpasalamat ako kay Serj nang abutan niya ako ng gamot para sa hilo. Sinabi niya sa akin na nakaka-hilo raw talaga sa likod. Ayoko naman sa harap dahil nandoon mauupo si Coach.

“Ano ang gagawin pagdating doon?”

“30 minutes rest tapos start na sa pagprepare,” sabi ni Serj.

“Sa tingin mo makakapagsulat ako?”

“May sinu-sulat ka?”

Tumango ako. “Script.”

“Nice. Tungkol saan?”

“Wala pa. Sa characters pa lang ako,” sabi ko at nag-usap kami tungkol sa script writing at sa pagdidirect.

10:04am nang huminto kami sa harap ng isang rest house. Sabi ni Serj ay dito daw talaga ang team kaya naman wala na silang naging instruction. Mukhang sanay na sanay na sila rito.

“Dito talaga lagi?” tanong ko kay Serj.

“Minsan sa ibang bansa din,” sagot niya. “Depende sa sponsor.”

Tumango ako. Ang dami ko pang hindi alam sa basketball. Akala ko ay marami na akong alam dahil sa mga naririnig ko kay Papa tuwing nagku-kwento siya ng ‘golden years’ niya.

“Thank you,” sabi ko kay Coach nang abutan niya ako ng susi. Mag-isa lang daw ako sa kwarto. Dumiretso ako roon. May isang kama lang, isang lamesa, at isang upuan. Pero ang ganda dahil rinig iyong hampas ng alon… Nasaan kaya iyong dagat? Hindi ko makita pero naririnig ko iyong alon.

Naupo ako saglit bago pumunta sa CR para maligo. Ayokong nauupo o nahihiga sa kama ko kapag galing ako sa labas. Nang matapos akong maligo ay naka-upo lang ako sa harap ng electric fan at pinapa-tuyo ang buhok ko. Pero hindi ako natapos nang kumatok si Serj sa akin para sabihin na kailangan na naming pumunta sa gym para mag-ayos.

---

Pinunasan lang namin iyong mga bola at ibang equipment. Tapos ay inutusan ni Coach si Serj para tawagin iyong mga players. Naka-tayo ako sa gilid ng bench habang inaayos iyong camera para irecord iyong unang practice game. Nahati sa dalawa iyong buong team—mayroong Team A at Team B.

Inaayos ko iyong baso nila habang kinakausap sila ni Coach para sa mga bilin niya. Tapos ay nagsimula na iyong warm-up nila. Mabuti na lang at nandiyan na si Serj dahil siya na ang nag-aayos nung cones. Nakaka-pagod siyang gawin. Lagi kasi nilang nabubunggo—para silang bulag kung tumakbo.

Naka-upo lang ako at nagrerecord ng statistics buong laro nila. Tapos ay inutusan ako ni Coach na pumunta sa kusina para i-check kung maayos na ba iyong lunch ng team.

“Ano pong gagawin?” tanong ko kay Ate na nagluluto.

“Ilatag mo na lang iyang dahon ng saging tapos linisin mong mabuti.”

Tumango ako at saka sinunod iyong inuutos niya. Tapos ay naglagay siya ng mga tumpok ng kanin doon tapos ay alimasag, hipon, pritong tilapia, kamatis, at bagoong.

Nang matapos kami ay bumalik na ako sa court para sabihin kay Coach na pwede na raw kumain. Ang ingay nung mga lalaki habang papunta sila sa kusina.

“Why are you still here?” tanong ni Austin Archangel. Pumunta siya kanina sa CR. Kaka-balik niya lang.

“Mamaya na ako kakain,” sabi ko.

“You don’t like eating with other people?”

“Hindi naman,” sabi ko. “Magkakamay daw sila. Saka magkaka-dikit iyong pagkain. Mamay na ako kakain.”

Napaawang ang labi niya.

Tumunog ang tiyan ko.

“Stay here,” sabi niya sa akin. Hindi ako gumalaw kahit na kumukulo na ang tiyan ko at may crackers naman sa bag ko. Nagbilang ako sa isip ko. Kapag lumipas ang 3 minuto at wala pa siya, babalik na ako sa kwarto.

Nakaka-2 minuto pa lang ako nang bumalik si Austin Archangel. May hawak siyang paper plate at may spoon at fork na naka-balot sa tissue.

“Here,” sabi niya sabay abot sa akin. “I don’t know if it’s enough.” Napa-kurap ako. May isang cup ng kanin doon, 1 malaking alimango, 5 hipon, 1 pritong tilapia, at mayroong bagoong at 3 slice ng kamatis sa gilid. “Don’t worry—they haven’t touched those.”

Napa-kurap ako.

Ngumiti siya sa akin.

“Happy eating,” sabi niya bago nagjog pabalik sa kusina.  

**

This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch).

Chapter 06

Chapter 06

Ngayon ko lang nalaman na maaari pala akong mapagod kahit na nanonood lang ako sa mga lalaking naglalaro ng basketball. Pagkatapos ng lunch ay nagpahinga sila ng 30 minutes bago nagsimula ang training nila ulit. Pinapanood ko lang sila na maglaro habang naglilista ng statistics nila. Si Serj iyong bahala sa mga bagay na kailangang gumalaw.

Nang mag-alas-dos ay tumayo na ako dahil bilin ni Coach ay dapat may meryenda tapos mamayang alas-sais ay may hapunan na. Dumiretso ako sa kusina para tignan kung mayroon na bang pagkain doon.

“Bakit ka nandito?” tanong ko kay Serj nang makita ko siya na naka-upo doon sa may kitchen counter at may hawak na mga bondpaper.

Napa-kamot siya sa batok at bahagyang natawa. “Binabasa ko lang ’to,” sabi niya sabay pakita sa akin nung papel.

Lumapit ako. “Ano ’yan?”

“Script.”

“Pwedeng pabasa?”

“Tanungin ko muna si Zo,” sabi niya. “Pag pumayag, pabasa ko sa ’yo.”

Tumango ako. Naiintindihan ko. Kahit naman ako ay ayokong ipabasa ang script ko sa iba at mas lalo na ayoko na babasahin nila ng walang pahintulot ko. Tumingin ako sa paligid, pero hindi ko nakita iyong mga nagluluto kanina ng tanghalian.

“Pumunta silang palengke,” sabi ni Serj.

“Iyong meryenda?”

“Don’t know, but I think pabalik na sila kasi kanina pa sila umalis. Bumili ata ng saging for banana que, ewan,” he replied, shrugging.

Tumingin ako sa orasan. “Matagal ba lutuin ang banana-cue?” tanong ko dahil sinabi ni Coach na dapat alas-tres ay meron ng meryenda para sa mga lalaki.

“Hindi naman.”

“Ilang minuto.”

Napa-kurap siya. “Hindi ko sigurado?” sabi niya.

Lumapit akos a ref para tignan kung may pwede ba roong gamitin para sa meryenda. Hindi ako marunong magluto, pero marunong naman akong gumawa ng sandwich. Sigurado hindi mabubusog ang mga player doon, pero mas mabuti na iyon kaysa sa wala.

“Ano’ng hinahanap mo?”

“Tinapay.”

“Nagugutom ka?”

“Para sa players.”

“Pabalik na ’yon sila Ate,” sabi niya. “Saka ’di naman natin problema iyong kakainin nung mga ’yun.”

Napa-tigil ako. Tama naman siya—hindi naman sinabi ni Coach sa akin na magluto ako ng meryenda—ang tanging sinabi niya lang ay meryenda ng alas-tres. Huminga ako nang malalim.

“Are you okay?” tanong ni Serj nang makita ko na naka-tingin siya sa akin nang magmulat ako ng mga mata.

“Yes,” sagot ko.

Bahagyang naka-kunot ang noo niya. “Okay…” sabi niya.

“Buong araw lang tayong manonood sa kanila?”

Natawa siya. “Why? Bored ka na?” Agad akong tumango. “Ako rin, e. Ano na lang gusto mong pag-usapan?” tanong niya at agad akong nagtanong sa kanya tungkol sa mga bagay na curious ako tungkol sa directing. Nakapagresearch na ako rito nung mga panahon na hindi pa ako sigurado kung saang banda ako pupunta… pero na-realize ko na iba pa rin kapag sa mismong tao ka nagtanong.

Nang matapos kami ay sakto na naka-balik na iyong mga babae. Bumili na pala sila ng pagkain. Napa-tingin ako sa orasan. 5 minutes to 3pm. Agad akong bumalik sa court at hinintay na mag alas-tres bago sinabi kay Coach na naka-handa na iyong mga pagkain.

Habang kumakain ang mga players ay naka-upo lang ako sa bench. Naka-titig ako sa notebook ko at nag-iisip kung ano ang ilalagay ko roon. Pero napa-tigil ako nang makita ko iyong sapatos na kulay yellow ni Austin Archangel—so far, 6 na iba-ibang sapatos na ang nakikita ko na suot niya.

“It’s clean, I promise,” sabi niya nang abutan niya ako nung pagkain galing sa kusina.

“Salamat,” sabi ko habang inilalagay iyon sa tabi ko. “Ilan ang sapatos mo?”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Research?”

Tumango ako. “Kailangan ko nang matapos iyong character profile ko.”

Tumango siya. “I think I have around… 30 pairs?”

“Wala iyong sigurado ka?”

Narinig ko iyong pagtawa niya, pero nang tumingin ako sa kanya ay agad na natigil iyon at sumeryoso ang mukha niya. “I’ll have to check first,” sabi niya.

Tumango ako. “So, palagi kang bumi-bili kaya hindi mo na tanda?”

“Why? Do you know how many shoes you own?”

Tumango ako. “I have 8 pairs.”

“Well, I think it’s unfair. I’m a basketball player, so marami akong sapatos. Do you know how many…” Napa-tigil siya. “Do you know how many notebooks you own?”

Muli akong tumango. “I have used 90 notebooks. I use 1 for each month since I was 10 years old. And I have 2 notebooks for my script ideas. Meron akong 3 na unused sa bahay. I buy every time na 2 na lang ang natitira.”

His lips parted. He blinked twice, with a 2 second interval between them. “Okay…” sabi niya. “I would get back to you once I have finished counting them,” dugtong niya. “But in my defense, I know when I buy shoes, but also, I receive some from sponsorships and I give away some shoes.”

“Pinapamigay mo?” tanong ko dahil hindi pumasok kahit kailan sa isip ko na ipamigay ang notebook ko.

“Sometimes.”

“What is the criteria?”

“When we go to out of town games or if there’s a event and I meet some fans and they ask for my jersey or shoes.”

“Umuuwi ka na walang jersey at sapatos?”

He bit his lower lip but I could see that he was fighting an amused expression on his face. I was glad that my questions were amusing to him—often than not, I was called annoying.

“Hindi naman,” he said. “After game, usually. Iyong nakapagpalit na ako ng damit.”

“So… they ask for your dirty jersey?”

“I’m not dirty.”

“Your jersey is covered in sweat.”

“I don’t smell bad.”

“I agree—you smell like a baby.”

He blinked.

Five times in total.

I stared at him, pero napa-tingin ako sa gilid ko nang marinig ko iyong malakas na sigawan ng mga players. Ganoon ba talaga ang mga lalaki? Na kapag nabusog ay nagiging sobrang maingay? Pero palagay ko naman ay hindi dahil hindi naman ganoon si Papa at si Kuya Robert… o baka naman nagbabago iyon depende sa edad?

Naupo muna iyong mga players ng 15 minutes bago nagpatuloy iyong laro nila. Naka-upo lang ako roon at patuloy na nagrerecord at sinisigurado na gumagana iyong camera dahil sabi sa akin ni Serj na dati raw ay na-corrupt iyong files at nagalit si Coach. Ayokong magalit sa akin si Coach dahil nagpapatakbo siya ng maraming beses at may kasama pang ibang exercise. Hindi ako ma-exercise na tao. Mas gusto kong manood ng palabas o magbasa ng libro.

Sabi ni Coach ay hanggang 5pm lang ang training, pero 5:12 na kami natapos. Hindi ko maipaalala sa kanya na oras na kasi ay busy siya na kausapin iyong team tungkol sa defense nila. Kaya naman habang nag-uusap sila ay pinu-pulot ko na rin iyong bola sa gilid para mabawasan ang trabaho ko.

Napa-buntung-hininga na lang ako nang halos lahat sila ay maghubad pagkatapos ng practice.

“What’s with the face?” natatawa na tanong sa akin ni Serj habang kasabay ko siyang nagpupulot ng bola.

“Dahil nandito tayo, tayo rin ba ang maglalaba ng jersey nila?”

“What?” tawang-tawang tanong niya. “Hindi, ah. Grabe ka naman. Hindi naman tayo personal assistant ng mga player.”

“E bakit tayo naglalaba nung sa towel?”

“Hindi ko rin alam—pero hindi naman ako pinaglalaba ni Coach ng damit nila. Magrereklamo ako sa admin saka manghihingi ng extra bayad dadalhin ko ’yan sa laundry shop.”

Napa-buntung hininga ulit ako. “Salamat naman,” sabi ko dahil ayoko talagang labhan iyon.

Saktong alas-sais na nang matapos kami ni Serj. Sabay kaming naglakad pabalik sa bahay, pero naghiwalay din kami kasi sa kabilang banda iyong dorm ng mga lalaki. Halos mag-isa lang yata ako roon sa may dorm para sa mga babae.

Nagpahinga ako sandali bago pumunta sa kusina para i-check iyong sa dinner nila. Nang patapos na ay pumunta ako sa dorm ng mga lalaki para sabihin sa kanila na dinner na. Nag-uusap sila at nagtatawanan nang mapa-tigil sila dahil nandoon na ako. Napansin ko na naka-hubad pa rin sila. Wala ba silang dalang damit?

“Dinner na,” sabi ko at napa-kunot ang noo ko nang makita ko si Jed na tina-takpan ang katawan niya. Ilang beses ko nang nakita sa court ’yan.

Napa-tingin ako kina Phil at Saint na tumatawa. Namumula na iyong mukha ni Saint. “Gago, wala namang paki si Karma sa katawan mo!” sabi ni Phil. Naririnig kasi nila si Coach Aldrin na Karma ang tawag sa akin. Bayaan na nga. Basta hindi Karms.

“Talaga ba, Karms?” naka-simangot na tanong niya at mabilis akong tumalikod at naglakad pabalik sa kusina.

“Ate,” sabi ko. “Pwede po bang mauna na akong kumuha ng pagkain?”

“Player ka ba?”

“Hindi po,” sabi ko. Kinunutan niya lang ako ng noo, pero hindi siya sumagot. Naghintay pa ako ng limang segundo, pero wala akong nakuha hanggang sa dumating na iyong mga players kaya naman lumabas na lang ako ng kusina.

Bumalik na ako sa kwarto ko. Naligo ako at saka nagpa-tuyo ng buhok gamit iyong electric fan. Biglang kumulo iyong tiyan ko kaya naman kinain ko iyong pina-baon sa akin ni Ate Gina. Sinubukan kong magsulat sa notebook ko, kaya lang ako wala akong mailabas… Naninibago ako sa kwarto ko. Isa lang siyang box na kulay puti ang pintura ng dingding at kisame. Walang kahit ano—mayroon lang na crucifix sa may ulunan ng kama.

Namimiss ko na iyong kwarto ko at iyong malambot kong kama na halos himatayin si Papa nang una niyang makita ang presyo.

Sinubukan kong matulog na lang, pero hindi ako maka-tulog. Tuwing pumi-pikit ako ay para bang naiimagine ko na biglang babagsak iyong crucifix sa ulo ko at iyon ang magiging kamatayan ko—malakas ang kutob ko na dahil ito sa panonood ko ng Final Destination nung bata pa ako. Sinubukan kong magpalit ng pwesto, pero hindi pa rin ako mapa-kali.

10:07pm, nagpasya na akong tumayo.

Kinuha ko iyong jacket sa bag ko at dinala iyong notebook at ballpen ko. Lumabas ako sa kwarto. Rinig na rinig ko pa rin iyong bawat hampas ng alon. Kung naririnig ko iyon ay malamang malapit lang dito iyon. Kaya ko naman sigurong lakarin.

Sinundan ko iyong pathway papunta sa labas. Napa-kunot ang noo ko nang makita ko si Austin Archangel. Naka-suot siya ng itim na running shorts, itim na dri-fit shirt, at itim na running shoes. Mayroon ding earphones sa tenga niya at sa braso niya naka-sabit iyong cellphone niya.

“You’re going somewhere?” tanong niya habang tinatanggal iyong earphone.

Tumango ako. “Alam mo ba kung nasaan iyong dagat?”

“Yeah… I just returned from there.”

“Saan? Pwede paturo?”

Tinanggal niya na rin iyong isa pang earphone at saka inilagay iyon sa bulsa niya. “You’re walking there alone? Gabi na.”

“Hindi ako maka-tulog.”

“Okay… Do you mind me walking you there?”

“Hindi naman, pero hindi ka pa ba pagod?” tanong ko dahil kaninang madaling araw pa kami gising. Ako na hindi naman nagtrain ay pagod na… siya pa kaya? Pero baka hindi rin kasi araw-araw niya namang ginagawa. Kahit naman ako, kapag mayroon akong bagong routine, sa unang tatlong araw lang ako maninibago tapos ay sa susunod, parang normal na lang siya. Ganoon din kaya siya?

“Pagod,” he replied. “But I’m used to taking a run before I go to sleep.”

“Hindi ka pa matutulog?” tanong ko dahil mukhang kakatapos niya lang tumakbo.

“No, I’ll walk with you first,” sabi niya at tumango na lang ako. Naka-237 steps kami bago naka-rating sa beach. Hindi kasing pino nung buhangin sa boracay, pero ganoon pa rin iyong tunog ng paghampas ng alon. Kitang-kita ko iyong buwan at iyong sinag niya na tumatama sa tubig sa dagat.

Naglalakad-lakad lang kami sa dalampasigan.

“Ang daming bituin,” sabi ko nang mapa-tingin ako sa langit.

“Yeah…” sabi niya nang mapa-tingin din siya.

“Walang bituin masyado sa Manila.”

“Pollution.”

“I know. We’re number 70 in the world’s most polluted countries list.”

“Really?”

“Bakit naman ako magsisinungaling?”

Napaawang ang labi niya at natawa. “No… I mean, I was just surprised because I did not know that.”

Tumango ako. “Ah.”

Nagpatuloy kami sa paglalakad. “Do you want to sit?” tanong niya.

“Pagod ka na ba?”

“No, but it’s nice to sit by the beach and watch the stars,” sabi niya. “As you’ve said, walang ganito sa Manila.”

“But you’re always at the beach.”

Napa-tingin siya sa akin. “How’d you know?”

“Your Instagram.”

“Right… Your research.”

Tumango ako. “May schedule ba iyong sa beach niyo? Monthly?”

“No,” sabi niya. “We just go there when we feel like it.”

Napa-tango ako. Paano iyon? Kapag aalis kami, naka-plano na iyon ng at least 2 weeks. Kailangan alam ko kung saan kami pupunta, kung saan kami magsstay, kung ano ang schedule namin, kung saan kami kakain. Nang sabihin ni Coach na pupunta kami sa Zambales, agad akong nagresearch tungkol sa lugar. Gusto ko lang na alam ko kung saan ako pupunta.

“Paano mo masasabi na gusto mo?”

Naka-ubos siya ng 5 segundo bago siya nagsalita. Muli akong napa-tingin sa kanya. Ang haba ng pilik-mata niya. Ang tangos talaga ng ilong niya.

“When I feel burned out,” sabi niya. Napa-tingin siya sa akin na naka-kunot pa rin ang noo. “For example… when I think about what will happen after graduation, I feel burned out. Or when we have family gatherings, I feel burned out.”

Napaawang ang labi ko. “Family gatherings?” tanong ko.

“Yeah… Family’s okay, but extended relatives exhaust my energy.”

So… iyon ang burned out? Kasi ganon din ang nararamdaman ko kapag kailangan naming pumunta sa party at nandoon iyong mga pinsan ko. Magkaka-edad kami halos, pero wala akong maka-usap sa kanila dahil ayaw nila akong kausapin. Kinakausap naman nila ako dati, pero huminto rin sila.

Dapat pala pumupunta ako sa beach.

“What do you do when you’re burned out?”

Hindi ako nakapagsalita agad.

“What do you do when you feel down? Or tired for no reason?”

“I list down things,” sabi ko. “I list down the things I want to do and write a step by step procedure on how I’ll do them. That relaxes my mind.”

“What’s your step by step with your script?”

“First step is to know my inspiration,” sabi ko at napa-tingin ako sa kanya dahil napa-hinto siya sa paglalakad. Tapos ay napa-tingin kaming sabay sa langit dahil nagsimulang pumatak ang ulan. 

**

This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch).

Chapter 07

Chapter 07

“Hey… ayos ka lang?” Umiling ako habang nag-aayos kami ni Serj ng gym. May 30 minutes pa kami bago magsimula iyong training. Lumapit siya sa akin. “Are you sick?”

Napa-hawak ako sa noo ko. “Malinis ba iyong kamay mo?”

“Uh… I have an alcohol,” sabi niya tapos ay inilabas niya iyong alcohol niya at inispray iyon sa kamay niya. “Hawakan ko noo mo, okay?” sabi niya at tumango ako. “May lagnat ka. Balik ka na sa kwarto mo—ako na bahala dito.”

Tumango na lang ako dahil masama talaga iyong pakiramdam ko. Nahihilo ako. Gusto kong matulog.

Agad akong dumiretso sa kwarto ko at naka-tulog agad ako. Nang magising ako ay nakita ko na mayroong mangkok sa may lamesa. Naka-takip iyon. Mayroon ding 3 piraso ng biogesic. Naupo ako at nagsimulang kumain. Nang matapos ako roon ay ininom ko na iyong gamit.

Namimiss ko si Blue.

Sinubukan kong lumabas para maka-tulong ako kay Serj, pero parang umiikot iyong mundo habang naglalakad ako. Bumalik ako sa kama. Na-bore ako habang naka-titig sa kisame. Sinubukan kong ipagpatuloy iyong character profile ko, pero agad din akong natapos doon. Sinubukan kong gumawa ng outline, pero parang suma-sayaw iyong mga letrang sinu-sulat ko kaya naman mas pinili ko na i-record iyong naiisip ko na eksena—at saka ko na lang isusulat kapag mas maayos na ang pakiramdam ko.

“Kamusta?” tanong ni Serj nang pagbuksan ko siya ng pinto. Naka-tayo lang siya sa labas—sabi ni Papa ay bawal akong magpapasok ng lalaki sa kwarto ko. Kung may papapasukin man ako ay dapat ipakilala ko muna sa kanya.

“Medyo ayos na,” sabi ko. “Salamat sa soup.”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Ano’ng soup?”

“Iyong kinain ko?” sabi ko. “Also, next time, please katok ka muna bago pumasok sa kwarto ko.”

Napa-awang ang labi niya. “Okay… for the record, hindi ako pumasok sa kwarto mo.”

Napa-kurap ako. Sino ang pumasok sa kwarto ko? Kumatok ba siya? Hindi ba ako nakapaglock? Sino siya?

“Karaminah?” Muling napa-tingin ako kay Serj. “Okay ka lang ba? Natulala ka ng ilang segundo.”

Umiling ako dahil iniisip ko kung sino ang pumasok sa kwarto ko. Si Coach kaya?

“Anyway… lunch mo,” sabi niya at saka inabutan ako ng tray. “Pahinga ka na lang.”

“Sorry.”

“Okay lang. Pagaling ka.”

“Thank you.”

“Serj.”

“Yeah?”

“Kung hindi ka busy, pwedeng pabasa ng draft ng script ko?” tanong ko sa kanya. Dalawang beses na ako na-reject. Natatakot akong magpasa ulit. Kailangan maging maayos iyong susunod kasi malulungkot talaga ako.

“Yeah, sure,” sabi niya. “Meron na ba ngayon? May 30 minutes pa ko bago magstart ulit ’yung training.”

Bumalik ako sa kwarto ko at saka inilagay sa lamesa iyong dinala niyang pagkain. Kinuha ko iyong notebook ko at saka iyong cellphone ko. Pumunta kami roon sa parang garden ng rest house. Tahimik doon at maraming puno.

“Please be honest,” sabi ko dahil iyong mga rejection na natanggap ko dati ay puro nagsabi lang ng rejected pero walang dahilan kung ano.

Hindi siya sumagot pero naka-tingin lang siya sa character profile ko. “This is too specific.”

“Masama ba iyon?”

“No, mas okay,” sagot niya. “It means kabisado mo iyong character mo, so mas madali sa ’yo na makita kung paano siya magrereact sa isang scene o paano siya magdedecide.”

Napa-tango ako.

“May pinagbasehan ba ’to?” he asked.

“Bakit mo natanong?”

“Wala lang… Sobrang specific lang kasi,” sabi niya tapos ay pina-kinggan niya iyong ni-record ko kanina lang. Rinig na rinig ko ang kabog ng dibdib ko habang naka-tingin ako sa kanya. Napapansin ko iyong bawat marahan na pagtango niya at paggalaw ng mata niya.

Nang matapos iyong recording ay pinagsalop niya ang mga kamay niya. Huminga ako nang malalim.

“I can take it,” sabi ko sa kanya. “Just please be honest kung saan pa ako dapat mag-improve.”

Tumango siya. “Okay… so, I’m not a scriptwriter and I have no formal training, but also, I’ve read a lot of scripts,” sabi niya. Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya at hini-hintay ang susunod niyang sasabihin. “The premise is good, but I feel like there’s something missing.”

“Ano?” tanong ko dahil iyan din ang sinabi sa akin dati, pero hindi ko alam kung ano ang kulang. Hindi naman ako manghuhula.

“The build-up,” sabi niya. “I get the climax of the story, but more than that, how would the audience feel for the character if in the first place, they do not care about the character? You have to show how they arrived at that point—the journey rather than the destination… does that make sense?”

Umiling ako.

Natawa siya.

“Okay,” sabi niya habang umiiling at natatawa. Napa-kamot siya sa batok niya. “It’s like… the main characters fell in love—but how? Hindi naman pwede na bigla na lang silang na-in love—paano? Bakit? You have to show rather than tell.”

Dahan-dahan akong tumango.

“You know, some writers can write about things they haven’t experienced—that takes a wild imagination… pero meron naman na mas gusto nila na ma-experience muna bago nila maisulat. Maybe you’re the latter.”

“So… I have to fall in love first?”

“Not necessarily—you can try watching movies or reading books—dealer’s choice. Anything that would help you understand how it actually works… para mas maganda kapag sinulat mo na.”

Muli akong tumango.

“Okay,” sabi ko. “When I write my new draft, pwede ko ulit ipabasa sa ’yo?”

“Sure,” sagot niya at saka tumingin siya sa relo niya. “Balik na ko sa gym—pagaling ka,” dugtong niya bago siya umalis. Nanatili ako sa garden at doon nag-isip. Hindi naman naka-sentro sa romance iyong sinusulat ko… pero may maliit na parte sa simula at iyon iyong daan papunta sa pinaka-problema sa story.

Kailangan kong sundin iyong plano niya.

---

Nang kinagabihan ay kinatok ako ni Coach para tanungin kung ayos lang ba ako. Tumango ako dahil ayokong magsinungaling sa kanya kahit gusto ko na lang na magpanggap na may sakit para nasa kwarto lang ako.

“May bonfire ngayon,” sabi ni Coach. “Aalis na bukas kaya relax na lang ngayon. Gusto mong sumama?” Umiling ako. Tumango siya. “Okay. Kung magutom ka, nagpa-tabi ako ng pagkain sa kusina,” sabi ni Coach bago naglakad palayo. Bumalik ako sa kama ko. 37 minutes na akong naghahanap ng mga pelikula na papanoorin ko para sa research ko.

“Bakit?” tanong ko nang may kumatok na naman at nakita ko na si Austin Archangel iyon nang buksan ko ang pinto.

“Your dessert,” sabi niya kaya naman napa-tingin ako sa hawak niya na tray. Mayroong paper plate doon at may smores. “Don’t worry—I used the stove in the kitchen and not the bonfire.”

“Salamat,” sabi ko.

“Also…” sabi niya. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya at naghintay ng kasunod. There was an… apologetic look on his face. His eyes were slightly narrowed that the crinkles beside his eyes were showing and there was an uneasy look on his face. “I know you like your privacy but… I knocked repeatedly earlier and figured you were sleeping. I thought about just leaving your food outside, but I thought you would not eat that if I just left it there. So, I got inside, but I left the door open. I just placed the food on the table and immediately went out.”

Napa-kurap ako.

Ready na ako sabihan siya about privacy, pero napagdesisyunan ko na tama siya. Kung iniwan niya sa labas iyong pagkain ay hindi ko kukunin iyon.

Tumango ako. “Okay.”

Napa-kurap siya. “Okay?”

Tumango ako. “Okay.”

Napa-buntung-hininga siya. “Okay,” sabi niya tapos ay ngumiti. “So… no bonfire?”

Umiling ako. “May gagawin ako.”

“Might I ask what?”

“Movie marathon,” sagot ko sa kanya.

“What movies?”

“Romance.”

“For research?” Tumango ako. “You want some company?”

Napa-isip ako ng 5 segundo bago tumango. Siya naman iyong inspiration ko sa main character ko kaya maganda kung makikita ko kung paano siya magrereact sa mga mapapanood namin. Parte na rin ng research ko ito para mag-improve ako.

Bumalik ako sa kwarto ko at saka kinuha iyong jacket ko at inilagay sa totebag iyong laptop. Una kaming naglakad papunta sa garden kaya lang ay nandoon si Phil at may kausap sa Facetime na babae.

“May iba pa bang lugar dito?” tanong ko kay Austin Archangel dahil siya ang nandito palagi.

“You want to watch in the beach?”

“Paano kapag umulan?” tanong ko sa kanya dahil kaya ako nagkasakit kanina dahil naulanan ako. At saka iyong laptop ko.

“Right… Wait right here,” sabi niya at saka umalis siya. Wala pang isang minuto ay naka-balik na siya at may hawak siya na mahabang payong—lutang na lutang iyong pagiging kulay yellow na ’yon. “Just in case,” dugtong niya.

Naglakad na kami papunta sa beach. Naka-sunod lang ako sa kanya. Huminto kami sa ilalim ng puno ng niyog.

“Ayoko rito,” sabi ko.

“Why?” tanong niya habang hinu-hubad at tini-tiklop iyong jacket niya.

“150 people die from coconut falling on their head each year—higher probability than dying from shark attack.”

Napa-kurap siya sa akin bago tumango.

“Right…” sabi niya tapos ay naglakad pa-harap. “How about here?” tanong niya habang naka-tayo 5 meters away from the possibly lethal coconut tree.

Tumango ako. “Okay,” sabi ko.

“You can sit here,” sabi niya sabay turo sa may jacket niya na naka-patong sa buhanginan.

“May jacket ako—”

“I know, but it’s cold. You can sit here—I’ll sit on the sand,” sabi niya tapos ay mabilis na naupo na siya sa buhanginan. Naupo na lang din ako roon sa may jacket niya. Ipinatong ko sa lap ko iyong laptop.

“You choose,” sabi ko.

“I really don’t know much about romance movies.”

“Ako rin naman.”

“Okay…” sabi niya. “Uhm… I guess let’s watch ‘The Notebook.’ “

Tumango ako saka pinlay iyon. Inilagay ko siya sa harapan naming dalawa. Kinuha ko iyong bag ko at saka inilabas iyong snacks ko roon at inabutan siya.

“Thank you,” sabi niya na naka-ngiti.

“You’re welcome,” sagot ko.

Tahimik kaming nanonood at napa-tingin ako kay Austin Archangel nang bigla siyang mabulunan sa tabi ko. Ipinause ko iyong pinapanood ko habang nasa abandonadong bahay sina Noah at Allie.

“Ayos ka lang ba?” tanong ko, pero hindi pa rin siya tumi-tigil sa pag-ubo. Namumula na iyong buong mukha niya. Walang tubig sa bag ko. Tinapik ko iyong likuran niya, pero hindi pa rin siya tumi-tigil. Kinuha ko na iyong laptop ko at saka ibinalik sa bag ko. Tumayo ako.

“Balik na tayo,” sabi ko dahil para na siyang mapuputulan ng hininga kaka-ubo. Pagbalik namin ay naka-salubong namin si Saint at Cohen na naka-tingin sa kapatid niya na may luha na iyong palibot ng mata sa kaka-ubo.

“Hey… are you okay?” tanong ni Saint na may hawak na cellphone at mukhang may kausap.

Tumango si Austin Archangel at nagsenyas na okay lang siya.

“What happened?” tanong sa akin ni Saint.

“Nanonood kami ng The Notebook tapos bigla siyang inubo,” paliwanag ko.

Napa-kunot ang noo ni Saint. “Austin? Watching The Notebook ?” tanong niya.

Tumango ako. “Punta lang akong kusina,” sabi ko at saka dumiretso roon para makita kung mayroon bang bottled water doon dahil nakaka-awa si Austin Archangel na parang mamamatay na sa kaka-ubo.

“Why are you watching The Notebook ?” tanong ni Saint, pero hindi maka-sagot si Austin Archangel dahil inuubo pa rin siya. Napa-tingin si Saint kay Cohen. “I think… I think I know what is happening.”

Napa-tigil ako nang biglang magbigay ng middle-finger si Austin Archangel. Hindi iyan naka-sama sa character profile ko. Ang galing—ang dami ko pa ring natutunan sa inspiration ko.

Humalakhak si Saint. “Oh… Maggie would love

to hear about this!“

“Shut up,” sabi ni Austin Archangel sa gitna ng pag-ubo.

“I think I know why you’re coughing. Did you choke when you watched a particular scene, huh, Austin Archangel?” tanong ni Saint pero napa-tigil siya sa pagsasalita nang bumalik ako na may dalang tubig.

Tumingin ako kay Saint at Cohen. “Kapag hindi siya tumigil sa pag-ubo, gisingin ko na lang si Coach,” sabi ko. “Good night,” dugtong ko bago bumalik sa kwarto ko, naglinis ng katawan muli, at saka pilit na tinapos iyong The Notebook bago ako naka-tulog. 

**

This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch).

Chapter 08

Chapter 08

“Thank you,” sabi ko kay Serj matapos naming mag-usap tungkol sa mga bagong dinagdag ko para sa script ko. Sinabi niya na mas maayos na, kaya lang ay mas mabuti raw na magresearch pa ako. Nagpasalamat ako sa kanya dahil malapit na iyong pasukan at alam ko na maraming pinapasa sa Creative Writing. Kailangan kong sulitin iyong libreng oras ko ngayon habang hindi pa ako nag-aaral.

Nang matapos iyong training, naghihintay na lang ako na matuyo iyong mga tuwalya na nilabhan namin ni Serj. Halos tuyo naman na iyon nang ilabas namin sa washing machine kaya sandali na lang ang hihintayin namin. Nagpaalam si Serj dahil may kailangan pa raw siyang ayusin para sa isang project niya. Nagsorry siya dahil maiiwan ako, pero ayos lang naman. Sobrang naaappreciate ko iyong pagcritique niya sa mga pinapabasa ko sa kanya.

Habang naghihintay sa pagtuyo nung mga tuwalya, naka-tingin ako sa cellphone ko. Naubos ko na iyong listahan ng mga movies dahil bago kami umuwi galing Zambales ay nanood lang ako nang nanood habang naligo sa beach iyong mga lalaki—pero hindi naman lahat sila naligo dahil kalahati sa kanila ay nagpictorial lang habang half-naked sila. Doon lang ako naka-kita ng mga lalaki na sobrang hilig magpicture.

“Need help?”

Napa-tingin ako sa nagsalita at nakita ko si Austin Archangel. Galing siya sa CR at bagong ligo gaya ng lagi nilang ginagawa after training. Naka-suot siya ng kulay puti na Nike t-shirt at black na Nike jersey shorts. Naka-suot din siya ng itim na Nike sliders. Sponsor niya ang Nike dahil nakita ko sa Instagram niya na may post siya palagi dahil pinapadalhan siya ng sapatos.

“Okay,” sabi ko para mapa-bilis ang pagtitiklop ko. Pagkatapos nito ay pupunta ako sa mall para manood ng sine. Mayroong pelikula na showing ngayon at nabasa ko sa isang article na iyon daw ang pinaka-nakaka-kilig na pelikula sa taon. Wala kasi sa online kaya kailangan ko pang pumunta roon.

“I have 48 pairs,” sabi niya. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. “48 pairs of shoes,” dugtong niya. “Because… we were talking about it last time?”

Tumango ako. “Naaalala ko.”

“Right,” sabi niya. “So, I counted my shoes at home and I have 48 pairs.”

“Nagagamit mo lahat?”

“I try to,” sabi niya.

“Hindi ba nasisira iyon?” tanong ko.

“The others,” sagot niya. “So I give them to kids who are learning to play basketball. But some are for collection.”

“Nangongolekta ka ng sapatos?”

Tumango siya. “You? Do you collect anything?”

Sandali akong napa-isip. Marami akong notebook, pero hindi naman ako nangongolekta noon. Ayoko lang itapon dahil gusto kong basahin kung anuman ang naisip ko sa araw na iyon—at saka kung itatapon ko, baka mayroong ibang maka-basa. Kung ididispose ko man ay ishe-shredder ko iyon kaya lang ay wala akong shredder sa bahay.

“Wala,” sagot ko pagkalipas ng 13 seconds na pag-iisip. Napa-tingin ako bigla sa cellphone ko dahil na-receive ko na iyong pin mula sa debit card.

“You’re watching a movie?”

Tumango ako. “Romance,” sagot ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nagsimula na naman siyang maubo kahit wala naman siyang iniinom. Baka nasobrahan siya sa hangin nung huminga siya. “Ayos ka lang ba?” tanong ko muli sa kanya. Tumango lang siya habang patuloy pa rin ang pag-ubo. Yumuko siya para kuhanin iyong tumbler mula sa bag niya at uminom siya ng tubig mula roon. Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya. “Baka kailangan mong magpa-check up,” sabi ko dahil dalawang beses nang nangyari ito na para siyang mamamatay sa kaka-ubo.

Umiling siya. “No, I’m fine.”

“Sigurado ka?” tanong ko pa dahil baka may mangyari sa kanya, at least sigurado ako sa sarili ko na nagpayo ako sa kanya na magpa-check-up siya. Mahirap kalaban ang konsensya.

“Yes,” sabi niya habang isinasara iyon tumbler niya at binalik iyon sa loob ng duffel bag niya.

“Okay,” sabi ko at saka nagpatuloy ako sa pagtitiklop ng mga tuwalya. Nagtiklop na rin siya. Napa-tingin ako sa relo ko—10:30am iyong showing nung pelikula. 8:08am na ngayon. Malapit lang naman ang mall sa school namin kaya lang ay mahirap hulaan ang traffic. Sa Maynila, hindi mapagkakatiwalaan ang estimated time na ibinibigay sa internet.

Nang maitiklop ko iyong huling tuwalya ay tumayo na ako. Dadalhin ko iyon sa stock room tapos ay gagamitin ulit bukas. Nasasanay na ako sa routine—maganda rin pala na maaga akong gumi-gising dahil maagang nagsisimula ang araw ko. Pagkatapos ng training ay uuwi ako sa bahay para kumain ng brunch. Tapos ay maglalakad sa garden, matutulog, tapos paggising ko ay lunch na. Tapos ay magsusulat na ako at magbe-brainstorm para sa mga ideyas. Matinding self-control ang kailangan ko dahil madalas akong maka-isip ng ibang ideya, pero alam ko na kailangan kong magfocus sa nasimulan ko na. Paano ako matatapos kung paiba-iba ang gusto kong gawin?

“Salamat,” sabi ko nang matapos si Austin Archangel sa pagtitiklop. Kukunin ko sana iyon kaya lang ay binuhat niya iyong lalagyan.

“Are you going home after this?” tanong niya habang naglalakad kami papunta sa stock room.

Umiling ako. “Pupunta ako sa mall.”

“Alone?”

Tumango ako. “Manonood ako ng movie gaya ng sabi ko.”

Hindi siya nagsalita hanggang sa maka-rating kami sa stock room. Ibinaba niya iyong box sa isang gilid. Tinakpan ko iyon para walang bumagsak na kung ano. Tapos ay tumingin ako sa paligid at naka-hinga nang maayos nang makita ko na nasa ayos lahat. Nang unang pumunta ako rito ay binangungot ako kinagabihan at napanaginipan ko itong kwarto. Masyadong magulo—magulong tao si Serj.

“Salamat,” sabi ko kay Austin Archangel nang maka-labas kami sa kwarto. Pumunta ako sa bleachers para kuhanin iyong bag ko. Kinuha ko iyong cellphone ko para tignan kung nandoon na ba si Kuya Robert sa parking lot. Nagtext ako sa kanya kanina. Hindi ako marunong magcommute at parang ayoko rin na matuto. Ayokong maupo na mayroong katabi na hindi ko kakilala—kahit sa classroom ay mas gusto kong maupo mag-isa, maliban na lang kung mayroong required na seating arrangement.

Napa-buntung-hininga ako.

“Everything fine?” tanong ni Austin Archangel.

Umiling ako. “Alam mo ba kung paano pumunta sa mall?” tanong ko sa kanya.

Napa-kurap siya ng isang beses. “Your driver?”

“Hindi raw makaka-punta.”

Tumango siya. Naka-tingin ako sa kanya habang naghihintay ng direksyon. Alam ko na malapit lang iyong mall dahil nadadaanan namin iyon ni Kuya Robert, pero hindi ko alam kung paano pumunta roon.

“Do you want me to drive you there?”

“Wala kang pasok?”

Umiling siya. “Free day.”

Tumango ako. “Okay,” sabi ko sa kanya.

“I’ll just get my bag,” sabi niya at sabay kaming nagpunta sa likod para kuhanin iyong duffel bag niya. Pagkatapos nun ay naglakad kami papunta sa parking lot. Doon kami dumiretso sa isang kulay dark grey na Audi SUV.

“Give me a minute,” sagot niya sa akin. Binuksan niya iyong pintuan sa likuran at pumasok doon. Naka-tayo lang ako at hinihintay na matapos iyong isang minuto niya.

Nang maka-labas siya ay may mga butil ng pawis sa noo niya.

“Saan ako uupo?” tanong ko nang maka-labas na siya roon.

“Uh… preferably in front?” tanong niya sa akin. “Unless you want to sit in the back?”

“Okay,” sabi ko at saka binuksan ko iyong pintuan sa harapan. Dahan-dahan na naupo ako roon. Pagpasok ko pa lang ay sigurado na ako na sasakyan ito ni Austin Archangel dahil amoy na amoy ko iyong Tom Ford na cologne niya. Sinuot ko iyong seatbelt. Iniayos niya iyong rearview mirror at nagka-tinginan kami roon at muling naubo na naman siya.

“Baka kailangan mo nang magpa-xray,” sabi ko dahil parang maraming plema sa lungs niya.

“No, I’m fine,” sabi niya habang binu-buksan iyong makina ng sasakyan niya. “So… what mall?” tanong niya at sinagot ko sa kanya kung saan kami pupunta.

“So… you like watching movies alone?” tanong niya nang na-stuck kami sa traffic. Malapit lang iyong mall—ayon kay Google ay 19 minutes away lang siya sa SCA. Kaya lang ay rush hour na ngayon.

“Ngayon lang,” sagot ko.

“You want some company?”

“Kung gusto mo,” sagot ko. “Pero hindi kita ililibre,” dugtong ko dahil wala akong pera. Napa-tingin ako sa rearview at nakita ko na naka-tawa siya, pero mabilis iyong nawala nang magtama ang mga mata namn.

“Of course,” sagot niya. Imbes na idrop off na lang ako kagaya nang una kong akala ay pumunta siya sa parking. Naka-dalawang level kami bago siya naka-hanap ng parking. Napa-tingin ako sa rearview mirror at napansin ko na naka-sunod pa rin sa amin iyong itim na sasakyan.

“Don’t worry about them,” sabi niya. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya at nakita niya ako na naka-tingin doon. “They just really follow me around.”

“Security?”

“PSG,” sagot niya. “Politics,” dugtong niya.

Tumango na lang ako dahil hindi ako interesado sa politika. Pagdating namin doon ay lumabas na kami agad. Naka-suot lang ako ng itim na leggings, puting maluwag na t-shirt, puting walking shoes, at naka-sabit sa balikat ko iyong tote bag ko. Sabi ni Austin Archangel ay iwan ko na lang daw sa sasakyan, pero hindi ako pumayag.

“Manonood din ba sila?” tanong ko dahil ngayon na alam ko na na mayroong naka-sunod sa amin ay parang lagi ko na silang napapansin. Apat sila na lalaki na naka-sunod sa amin. Sa tantya ko ay nasa 50 meter ang layo nila sa amin ni Austin Archangel.

“I don’t think so.”

“Gusto ba nilang manood?”

“I highly doubt it,” sagot niya.

“Tanungin mo sila,” sabi ko dahil kapag nanonood ng movies sila Ate Gina, inaaya nila ako palagi kahit lagi rin akong tumatanggi. Napa-buntung-hininga si Austin Archangel bago siya naglakad palapit sa mga bodyguard niya. Wala pang isang minuto nang bumalik siya.

“They’d rather stay outside the cinema.”

“Okay,” sabi ko. Ang mahalaga, nag-offer ako. Dumiretso kami sa sinehan. Naka-bili na naman ako ng ticket kaya si Austin Archangel na lang ang bibili. Huminto ako roon sa may TV kung saan pinapa-labas ang mga trailer. Napa-tingin ako kay Austin Archangel nang umubo siya. Hindi ba siya nababahala?

“Karaminah Viel,” pagtawag niya sa akin.

“Yes, Austin Archangel?” nag-aalala na sagot ko dahil hindi na normal na lagi siyang nauubo.

“I just want to ask… what’s your seat number?”

“G16,” sagot ko.

“Got it. Thanks,” sabi niya bago bumalik doon sa counter. Nanonood lang ako ng mga trailer dahil baka sakaling mayroon akong makuhang ideya. Nang tawagin muli ni Austin Archangel ang pangalan ko ay inaabutan niya ako ng bottled water at saka pringles.

“I’ll buy you popcorn, but I thought you’d like this more since it’s sealed and all,” sabi niya.

“Salamat,” sagot ko dahil tama naman siya. Bihira lang akong kumain sa labas dahil wala akong tiwala sa mga tao.

Pagpasok namin sa loob ng sinehan ay hindi pa gaanong madilim. Kaming dalawa lang din ang tao. Ngayon ay alam ko na na walang nanonood ng sine kapag Lunes at umaga pa.

Naupo ako sa pwesto ko at nagfocus sa mga trailers. Eksaktong 10:30am ay nagsimula na ang pelikula.

“Sorry,” sabi ko nang mabunggo ko iyong kamay niya nang kukuhanin ko sana iyong tubig na naka-patong doon sa lalagyan.

“It’s okay,” sagot niya.

Nang magkaroon ng kissing scene sa pagitan nung dalawang bida ay tutuk na tutok ako roon dahil iyon ang pinaka-nahihirapan ako na idescribe kapag nagsusulat ako… pero sandaling na-distract ako nang tumayo si Austin Archangel. Nagsorry pa siya dahil sa mabilisang pagtayo niya at natabig niya iyong bote ng tubig ko. Ibinalik ko iyong atensyon ko sa pelikula.

“Sayang iyong bayad mo,” sabi ko sa kanya dahil credits na iyong pinapalabas nang maka-balik siya.

“They ended up together, right?” tanong niya.

Tumango ako. “Kapag romance, required na happily ever after,” sagot ko sa kanya dahil isa iyon sa mga natutunan ko sa workshops ko. Kaya hindi ako romance writer dahil hindi ako mahilig sa happily ever after—minsan lang kapag kailangan.

Paglabas namin sa sinehan ay agad na nakita ng mga mata ko iyong bodyguards niya.

“Hindi ba nakaka-ilang na lagi silang naka-sunod?” tanong ko sa kanya habang pababa kami ng escalator.

“At first, but then they’re just doing their jobs.”

Tumango ako. Napa-tingin ako sa grupo ng mga babae na halatang-halata na naka-tingin kay Austin Archangel. Hindi niya pinansin iyon—ako ang pumansin sa kanila.

“Do you want to eat lunch?” tanong niya.

Umiling ako. “Sa bahay na—” sabi ko nang matigilan ako nang maka-kita ako ng arcade. Nakita ko iyon sa isa sa mga pelikula na napanood ko! Isa sa mga balak kong ilagay sa script ko.

Agad akong naglakad papunta roon.

“Paano manalo ng malaking teddy bear?” tanong ko sa babae sa counter.

“15,000 tickets,” sabi nung babae.

“Bibili na lang ako,” sabi ko bago ako tumalikod. Ayokong tumira dito para lang manalo ng teddy bear.

“I thought you want to play?” tanong ni Austin Archangel.

“Gusto ko lang ng teddy bear,” sabi ko sa kanya. “Bibili na lang ako.”

“What?” naka-kunot noong tanong niya.

“15,000 tickets bago manalo ng teddy bear. Masyadong marami.”

“You don’t have to win it in a day.”

“Hindi na ako babalik dito.”

Napa-kurap siya. “Okay… how about you try winning a pencil?”

“Marami na akong pencil sa bahay—may pencil ako sa bag ngayon.”

Napaawang ang labi niya. “How about—” sabi niya at natigilan. “How about we just play?”

“Ng ano?”

He shrugged. “Anything,” sabi niya. “We’re basically the only ones here,” dugtong niya. “So no one’s used the equipment yet—no one has touched them.”

Napa-tingin ako sa paligid. Wala ngang tao roon bukod sa amin at sa attendant sa unahan.

“Tumatanggap ba sila ng debit card?” tanong ko dahil wala akong cash na hawak.

“No, I got this,” sabi niya bago lumapit sa babae at inilabas iyong wallet niya. 

**

This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). For those asking, you can use Gcash as a mode of payment for Patreon. Just request for your digital card via Gcash app.

Chapter 09

Chapter 09

“So… what do you want to do first?”

Tumingin ako sa paligid. “Ayun,” sabi ko sabay turo roon sa may basketball. Hindi ako umaasa sa stuffed toy dahil impossible na makuha ko iyon sa dami ng tickets na required. Hindi ko alam kung alin ang lalaruin—itinuro ko iyong basketball dahil iyon ang pinaka-madali sa basketball player ang kasama ko.

Lumapit kami ni Austin Archangel doon. Iniabot niya sa akin iyong bola. Umiling ako. Naka-tingin ako sa ring at hinihintay na magsimula siya, pero limang segundo ang lumipas at wala akong nakitang nagshoot doon. Lumingon ako sa kanya at nakita ko na binubuksan niya iyong bag niya.

“Okay lang kahit ikaw na lang,” sabi ko nang maglabas siya roon ng wipes.

“I’ve been to the arcade a lot of times already,” sabi niya at humugot ng isang wet wipes doon. “I’ll clean the ball and you play?”

“So, magpapalit tayo ng trabaho?”

“What do you mean?” tanong niya habang pinupunasan na iyong bola.

“Sa training—ako iyong nagpupunas ng bola at ikaw iyong naglalaro.”

Napaawang ang labi niya. “Great observation, Karaminah Viel.”

I shrugged. “Thank you,” sabi ko at saka iniabot niya sa akin iyong bola. Nagshoot ako roon at nagsimula iyong timer… kaso mas mabilis akong magshoot kaysa magpunas siya. Nang lumipas ang sampung segundo at hindi pa siya tapos, huminga ako nang malalim at kumuha pa ng isang bola.

“What—”

“Sayang iyong bayad,” sabi ko. “Mag-alcohol na lang ako after,” dugtong ko.

Sa 3 minutes na binigay, naka-60 na shoot ako. Sa 60 na bolang inihagis ko, 37 ang pumasok doon.

“Not bad,” sabi niya nang matapos ako.

“Thank you,” sabi ko habang nilalagyan niya ng alcohol iyong kamay ko. “Gusto mong maglaro?”

“Okay,” sabi niya. Nagswipe siya ulit para makapaglaro siya. Humakbang ako palayo dahil baka matamaan ako ng mga braso niya. Kumuha siya ng isang bola, hinawakan iyon, at saka tumingin sa akin. “Good luck,” dugtong ko bago siya nagsimula.

Kahit na alam ko na magaling siya dahil basketball player siya ay bumilib pa rin ako dahil na-shoot lahat ng bolang inihagis niya. Zero margin of error. Ang galing. Kung sabagay—nakaka-hiya naman kung hindi. Araw-araw siyang naglalaro.

Nang matapos siya ay tumingin siya sa akin. Naka-tingin din ako sa kanya. Bahagyang kumunot ang noo niya. Itinuro ko iyong tickets na lumabas doon sa machine.

“So… what to do next?” tanong niya sa akin.

Tumingin ulit ako sa paligid. Pumunta kami doon sa may hinahampas ng parang martilyo. Inilabas ni Austin Archangel iyong wipes.

“Wag na,” sabi ko.

“Are you sure?”

Tumango ako. “Maliligo na lang ako agad pag-uwi ko,” sabi ko sa kanya dahil hindi cost efficient na punasan niya lahat dito sa arcade. Hindi naman ako germophobe—mas gusto ko lang na malinis hanggang may choice at option ako. Ayokong magka-sakit dahil ayokong pumunta sa ospital.

Naglaro kami ni Austin Archangel doon sa may hina-hampas at mas mataas iyong score niya sa akin. In my defense, lalaki siya. He’s genetically wired to be stronger than me, so he couldn’t take that against me. Tapos ay naglaro kami doon sa may bina-baril. Nanalo pa rin siya sa akin. Wala akong defense doon dahil malinaw naman ang mga mata ko.

“Game?” tanong niya habang naka-tayo kami sa magka-bilang gilid ng table para sa air hockey.

Huminga ako nang malalim. Wala pa akong naipapanalo na laro sa 1 hour and 12 minutes na nandito kami. Nang mapa-tingin ako sa kanya ay parang naka-tawa siya.

“What?” tanong ko.

“Nothing,” sabi niya na wala na ngayon na bakas ng ngiti sa mukha niya. Dahil masyado siyang matangkad ay naka-yuko siya para maabot iyong lamesa. Feeling ko mananalo na ako ngayon. “Game?”

Huminga ulit ako nang malalim. “Game,” sabi ko bago sinimulan iyong laro.

Mali ako ng computation.

Matangkad lang siya pero malakas siya—halos diretsong puma-pasok agad iyong puck. Iyong sa akin hindi man lang dumikit doon sa side niya.

Saan ba ako mananalo dito?

Naka-simangot na ako nang matapos iyong laban. Kitang-kita ko na pini-pigilan niya lang iyong pagtawa niya.

“Wala na ba’ng ibang laro pa?” tanong ko dahil nalaro na namin lahat.

“I think we’ve tried everything… except the photobooth?”

I shrugged. “Okay,” sabi ko.

Pumasok kami sa loob. Pareho kaming naka-tingin doon.

“Hindi mo ba alam?”

“I’ve never tried this,” sabi niya.

“We should ask for assistance,” sabi ko dahil pinapanood lang kami nung babae sa harapan. Nakita ko rin na kumukuha siya ng picture ni Austin Archangel kanina. Sinabi ko iyon sa kanya, pero sabi ni Austin Archangel na pabayaan ko na lang daw. Mukhang sanay naman siya na kinu-kuhanan ng litrato.

“No, may instructions naman dito,” sabi niya habang binabasa iyong halos burado na na instruction. “Okay, I think I got it,” dugtong niya. “Shit—” sabi niya at napa-tingin sa akin. “Sorry.”

I shrugged. Hindi naman na iba sa akin—sa basketball team pa lang kulang na ang umaga ko kapag hindi ko sila naririnig na nagmumura. Parang parte na ng vocabulary nila.

“Shit—” sabi niya ulit at napa-tigil. “Start na pala. Five more shots.”

Tumingin ako sa monitor at ngumiti. Hindi nagsalita pa si Austin Archangel sa tabi ko kaya ganoon lang ang posisyon namin hanggang sa matapos iyong picture.

“Do you wanna keep this?” tanong niya nang lumabas iyong litrato. Iyong unang litrato ay naka-tingin kami sa isa’t-isa dahil hindi namin alam na start na pala. Iyong limang sumunod ay iisa lang ang itsura naming dalawa.

“Sa ’yo na lang,” sabi ko dahil ano naman ang gagawin ko doon.

“Okay,” sabi niya.

“Magreredeem ka ba?” tanong ko dahil medyo marami din kaming nakuha na ticket.

“Do you want anything?” tanong niya.

“Iyong stuffed toy, pero bibili na lang ako,” sagot ko dahil masyadong impossible iyong hini-hingi nila na ticket requirement. Parang gusto nila na dito na tumira iyong mga gustong maka-kuha nun.

“Okay…” sabi niya.

---

Nag-offer si Austin Archangel na ihatid na ako pauwi, pero nagtext si Kuya Robert na nasa school na siya kaya naman sinabi ko kay Austin Archangel na ibalik ako sa school. Pagbaba ko ay agad na nakita ko iyong sasakyan kaya lumapit ako roon.

“Sino ’yun?” tanong ni Kuya Robert nang pumasok ako.

“Austin Archangel,” sagot ko habang kinu-kuha iyong alcohol spray na nasa loob ng sasakyan.

“Friend mo?”

“Inspiration,” sagot ko. Napa-tingin ako kay Kuya Robert dahil naka-suot na iyong seatbelt ko, pero hindi pa rin kami umaandar. “Hindi pa ba tayo aalis?” tanong ko sa kanya.

Napa-kurap siya ng tatlong beses. “Aalis na…” sabi niya habang napa-iling habang iniistart iyong sasakyan.

Pagdating namin sa bahay ay agad akong naligo. Dalawang beses lang akong nagsasabon, pero dahil kung anu-ano ang hinawakan ko sa arcade ay tatlong beses ako nagsabon nung naligo ako. Dalawang beses din akong nagshampoo tapos ay nagconditioner. Nang matapos akong maligo ay nakita ko si Blue na naka-tulog na sa kama ko. Napagod siguro sa kahihintay. Agad kong kinuha iyong cellphone ko at kinuhanan siya ng litrato. Pinost ko iyon sa Instagram. Kaka-post ko pa lang ay naglike na agad si Austin Archangel. Nakita ko rin sa notification na naka-follow na sa akin iyong magkakapatid na Gomez de Liaño. Nagmessage pa si Saint at nagtatanong kung available for adoption ba si Blue. Sinagot ko siya ng hindi.

Natulog muna ako. Nang magising ako ay pinagpatuloy ko iyong script ko. Gusto kong mag-edit dahil excited na akong ipabasa kay Serj iyong updated script. Malapit na talaga iyong enrollment. Gusto kong maging maayos iyong lahat. Ayokong ma-kickout sa Creative Writing program dahil hindi na ako mag-aaral kapag nangyari iyon.

---

“I messaged the cat Austin wanted, but it’s unavailable,” sabi ni Saint habang nag-iistretch siya. Inaayos ko iyong camera. “Should we get him another one?”

“Okay,” sagot ni Cohen. “But is he set on that cat, or we can get a different one?”

“I’m not sure… maybe you should ask him discreetly?”

Tumayo ako nang makita ko si Serj. “Serj,” pagtawag ko sa kanya.

“Yes?” sagot niya habang chine-check iyong camera na kaka-check ko lang.

“Sabi mo kahapon may shoot kayo ngayon.”

“Bakit?”

“Pwede bang manood?”

“Pwede naman… Gusto mo ba?” tanong niya at agad akong tumango. Natawa siya. “Okay,” sabi niya. “Pero hindi dito sa campus iyong location.”

“Magpapaalam muna ako,” sabi ko.

“Okay,” sagot niya. “If hindi ka pwede ngayon, may shoot naman ulit this Thursday dito sa campus.”

Dumating na si Coach. Mas mahirap iyong training nila dahil start na ng season next, next week. Required din akong sumama sa kanila sa mismong game. Ngayon pa lang ay napapagod na ako.

Pagkatapos ng training ay nagvolunteer si Serj na siya na muna sa mga towels dahil dalawang beses niya na akong naiiwan para sa pagtitiklop dahil biglang kailangan siya para sa movie na dini-direct niya. Ayos lang naman sa akin, pero mapilit siya kaya pinabayaan ko na.

“No towel duty?” tanong ni Austin Archangel nang sabay kaming naglalakad palabas ng court.

“Good luck this season!” sabi nung isang babae na naka-cheerleader uniform. Pamilyar iyong mukha niya, pero hindi ko alam ang pangalan. Kapag kasi dadating na sila sa court ay paalis na ako. Saka hindi naman ako interesado sa pangalan nila.

Tumango lang si Austin Archangel.

“So… no towel duty?” ulit niyang tanong.

“Nagvolunteer si Serj,” sagot ko.

“Heading home?”

“Manonood ng movies.”

“Romance again?”

“Yes,” sagot ko sabay buntung-hininga.

“What’s with the sigh?”

“Nakaka-pagod panoorin—lahat naman sila nagkaka-tuluyan.”

“So… maybe try watching tragic ones?” sabi niya. “Like Titanic— rest assured that Jack’s gonna die in the end.”

Napa-singhap ako. “Spoiler!”

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya. “What? But it’s Titanic!”

“Hindi ko pa napapanood.”

“I haven’t yet, too, but I know that the ship’s gonna sink and Jack will die?”

“Spoiler,” pag-ulit ko.

Napa-awang ang labi niya. “How… do you not know Titanic, Karaminah Viel?”

“Are you judging me, Austin Archangel?” tanong ko.

“No, but… weird.”

“I know I’m weird.”

“What? No! That’s not what I—” sabi niya. Nanlaki iyong mga mata niya. Napa-suklay siya sa buhok niya gamit ang mga daliri niya. “That’s—” Napa-hinto siyang muli. “I didn’t say you’re weird—I know that for sure.”

I shrugged. “It’s okay,” sabi ko.

I’ve been told that I was weird—but I like the term peculiar more. At first, I didn’t understand. But as I grew older, I realized that I care about small things the way others didn’t. If that makes me peculiar, so be with it.

I like myself.

Others didn’t have to like me.

“It’s not okay,” sabi niya.

“But it’s okay,” sagot ko. “Wala ka bang klase?”

“In 10 minutes.”

“Malapit lang iyong building?” tanong ko dahil hindi ko kabisado ang SCA at wala akong balak kabisaduhin.

“I can run,” sagot niya na malayo sa tanong ko.

“Okay,” sabi ko. “Bye,” dugtong ko dahil nakita ko na iyong sasakyan. Dumiretso ako roon at umuwi. Sana payagan ako na manood ng shooting. 

**

This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). For those asking, you can use Gcash as a mode of payment for Patreon. Just request for your digital card via Gcash app.

Chapter 10

Chapter 10

“Sabi mo naman may shooting sa school niyo, ’di ba?”

“Meron po.”

“Doon ka na lang manood,” sabi ni Papa. “Naiintindihan mo naman ang Mama mo, ’di ba?”

Tumango ako. Alam ko naman na hindi ako papayagan, pero sumubok lang naman ako. Kahit naman nung bata pa ako, hindi ako pinapayagan na sumama sa mga bata na hindi ko kilala. Kahit kapag may group project na kailangang gawin sa labas nung nasa high school pa ako, tinatanong ni Mama iyong pangalan ng mga kasama ko sa group project isa-isa at icoconfirm pa iyon sa magulang nila.

“Matutulog ka na ba?”

“Hindi pa po,” sagot ko dahil manonood pa ako ng movies. Ayoko na ulit bumalik sa mall dahil kahit naglakad lang naman ako ay parang pang isang linggo iyong pagod ko. Nasa Youtube movies naman iyong mga kailangan kong panoorin at may credit card naman.

Habang hinihintay kong magloading iyong rinentahan kong movie sa Youtube ay pumunta muna ako sa Instagram. Naka-follow na rin kasi ako sa mga accounts na pictures ng mga lugar ang naka-lagay—nung huling basahin ni Serj ang script ko ay sinabi niya na mas maganda kung mas magiging descriptive iyong settings ko para mas madaling mag-imagine. Iyon daw kasi ang trabaho ng scriptwriter—i-describe iyong scene pati mga eksena. Mas madadalian ang director kung malinaw ang vision ng scriptwriter.

11:39pm nang magdesisyon ako na bumaba para kumuha ng baso ng gatas. Sabay na napa-tingin sa akin si Kuya Robert at Ate Gina.

“Bakit?” tanong ko dahil may kakaiba sa mga tingin nila.

“Wala naman…” sagot ni Kuya Robert at saka siniko siya ni Ate Gina. Hindi ko na sila pinansin dahil baka nag-aaway na naman sila. Sabi ni Papa ay ’wag akong makiki-Sali kapag may nag-aaway. Hindi rin naman ako interesado sa problema ng ibang tao.

Dumiretso ako sa ref at kukuha sana ako ng gatas doon, pero naagaw nung chocolate milk iyong pansin ko. Naka-tingin ako roon at nag-iisip kung ano ang kukuhanin ko nang marinig ko ang pangalan ko.

“Karma,” pagtawag ni Ate Gina.

“Bakit po?”

“May bagong kaibigan ka?”

“Sino po?” tanong ko habang kinu-kuha iyong gatas. Bukas na lang iyong chocolate milk. Nakapagdesisyon na ako.

“Austin Archangel daw,” sabi ni Ate Gina.

Tumingin ako kay Kuya Robert. “Masama magchismis,” sabi ko sa kanya kasi sila ang nagsabi sa akin na kapag sinabi sa ’yo ng isang tao, bawal mong sabihin sa iba dahil chismis ang tawag doon—unless bigyan ka ng permission na sabihin sa iba.

“Iba ang rule kapag mag-asawa,” sabi ni Kuya Robert.

“May ganoon?” tanong ko dahil ngayon ko lang nalaman iyon.

Tumango siya. “Oo—saka kapag boyfriend-girlfriend, ganoon din iyong rule,” dugtog niya. Napa-tango ako. So, ganoon pala iyon—pwede mong ichismis sa boyfriend o asawa mo. Bagong kaalaman. May nalalaman talaga ako araw-araw.

“So, sino si Austin Archangel na inspiration mo raw?” tanong ni Ate Gina sa akin.

“Inspiration ko sa script ko.”

“Sino ba iyan? Nakaka-curious. May picture ka ba?” tanong niya. Umiling ako. Bakit naman ako magkakaroon ng picture ni Austin Archangel? “May Instagram ba?” tanong ni Ate Gina. Tumango ako. Kinuha niya iyong cellphone niya at pumunta sa Instagram. “Naka-follow sa iyo!”

“Alam ko po,” sabi ko.

“Ay, grabe naman, Karma! Paka-gwapong bata naman nito!”

I shrugged. Personally, he looks like a normal human being, but I’ve seen how the women population looks at him. Alam ko na gwapo siya.

“Papuntahin mo naman dito!”

“Bakit?”

“Wala—friends naman kayo, ’di ba?”

“Paano ba kapag friends?” tanong ko dahil kung tatanungin ako ngayon kung sino ang kaibigan ko, wala akong maisasagot. Ayos lang din naman sa akin—I live in the age where being alone doesn’t suck anymore. Give me internet and laptop and I’ll be fine.

“Friends kapag—” sabi ni Ate Gina, pero napa-hinto siya at tumingin kay Kuya Robert.

“Kapag tinutulungan ka, mabait sa ’yo, kinakausap ka palagi—”

“Parang ’di na friend ’yan!” sabi ni Ate Gina.

Napa-tango ako. “May dalawa akong friend,” sabi ko.

“Dalawa?”

“Si Austin Archangel at Serj.”

“Aba, at may Serj pa?!” sabi ni Ate Gina.

Tumango ako. “May Instagram din si Serj. Aakyat na po ako,” sabi ko dahil baka mawala na ako sa mood sa pagsusulat dahil 9 minutes na akong naka-tayo dito.

Pagbalik ko sa kwarto, pumunta muna ako sa Instagram. Nakita ko na may message doon si Austin Archangel. Napa-kunot ang noo ko nang may picture ng pusa na kulay light gray.

austingdl: Any tips?

bluethecat: Sa ’yo ’yan?

austingdl: Yes. My brothers’ gift.

bluethecat: Birthday mo?

austingdl: No. Honestly, I think they just want a pet.

bluethecat: Bakit pusa?

austingdl: No idea.

bluethecat: First time mo magka-alaga?

austingdl: I used to take care of Saint’s chicks.

bluethecat: Chicks?

austingdl: Yeah. But they’re dead and buried somewhere in Tagaytay.

bluethecat: Bakit namatay?

austingdl: They got sick.

bluethecat: Pinagamot niyo?

austingdl: Of course. They had doctors. I wasn’t negligent.

bluethecat: Good. Because having a cat, or any pet, is a commitment.

austingdl: I know.

bluethecat: So, first, what’s the name?

Hindi na ako nakapagsulat ng script dahil nag-usap kami ni Austin Archangel tungkol sa pusa niya na Violet ang pangalan. Meron na siyang litter box, pero wala pa siyang laruan.

“Wag kang madamot,” sabi ko kay Blue habang inilalagay ko sa bag ko iyong laruan niya na ibibigay ko kay Austin Archangel para kay Violet. Hindi pa naman nagagamit ni Blue iyon dahil meron pa siyang laruan. Kapag kasi may bago ay hindi niya na papansinin iyong luma.

Mabilis akong lumabas ng kwarto dahil mukhang kakalmutin ako ni Blue. Pagdating ko sa gym ay nandoon na agad si Coach kaya maagang nagsimula ang training. Mas seryoso sila ngayon dahil ayon sa narinig ko ay mayroong bagong player sa Brent na mukhang magaling dahil mas naghigpit si Coach.

“Sa likod ng Engineering building ’yung location,” sabi ni Serj. “Punta ka pa rin ba?”

Agad akong tumango. “Ano’ng oras?”

“Start ng set-up ng 3pm pero mga 5pm pa talaga iyong shoot dahil hina-habol iyong sunset,” sabi niya. “Bahala ka kung ano’ng oras mo gustong pumunta.”

“Pwede ba ng 3pm? Tapos nandoon ba ’yung scriptwriter?”

“Si Kaleigh,” sabi ni Serj. “Di ko sigurado, pero kung nandoon, papa-kilala kita.”

Tumango ako. “Okay. Salamat,” sabi ko.

Normal lang iyong nangyari nung training—nagrecord kami ng statistics, ni-record iyong game para kapag pinanood nila iyong replay, nagbigay ng tubig sa players, nagpunas ng bola, at naglaba ng towels.

Naka-tayo ako sa labas ng gym at naghahanap ng malapit na coffee shop para doon na lang ako magsusulat habang hinihintay iyong shooting ni Serj. Kapag kasi umuwi pa ako ay baka ayoko nang bumalik sa school. Mas gusto kong nasa bahay lang palagi.

“Austin Archangel,” pagtawag ko nang makita kong naglalakad na siya paalis ng court. Naka-suot siya ng usual attire niya—puting t-shirt, itim na jersey shorts, at itim na sliders. Nasa balikat niya rin naka-sukbit iyong itim na duffel bag niya. Lumingon siya at saka lumakad ako palapit sa kanya. May kinuha ako sa tote bag ko. “Para kay Violet,” sabi ko habang inaabot sa kanya iyong maliit na bola na dahilan kung bakit gusto akong kalmutin ni Blue kaninang umaga.

“Thank you,” sabi niya. “For the record, I’m on my way to buy Violet’s tree tower.”

“Wala kang pasok?”

“Research break,” sagot niya. “Do you want to come?”

“Okay,” sabi ko. Magkaibigan naman kami kaya pwede akong sumama sa kanya.

Pumunta kami ni Austin Archangel sa isang pet supply store. Tinanong ako ni Austin Archangel kung ano pa ang kailangan niyang bilhin. Kumuha siya ng basket at inilagay ko roon iyong mga meron si Blue. After niyang magbayad ay bumalik na kami sa sasakyan niya. Lagi ko na lang napapansin iyong guards niya na naka-sunod sa amin.

“Will you go back to school?” tanong niya.

“Hindi ka ba babalik sa school?” tanong ko.

“If you’ll go back to school, I’ll drive you back to school… or to your house?”

“Coffee shop,” sabi ko. “Iyong nasa labas ng school lang.”

“Okay,” sabi niya tapos ay nagdrive siya ulit. Huminto kami sa isang coffee shop na malapit lang sa SCA. Halos puno iyong coffee shop, pero ayos lang dahil tahimik naman iyong mga tao. Mga law student ng Brent at SCA—alam ko na law student sila dahil sa kapal ng mga libro na naka-patong sa lamesa at iyong pen capsule na sila lang ang nakikita kong gumagamit.

“Hindi ka pa ba uuwi?” tanong ko nang maupo rin siya.

“Grabe,” he said, laughing a little. “Can I, at least, order a cup of coffee?”

“Hindi naman kita pinagbabawalan,” sabi ko dahil tinanong ko lang naman kung uuwi na siya dahil siya ang nagsabi sa akin na research break niya at saka para mabigay niya na kay Violet iyong mga biniling laruan.

“What’s your order?” tanong niya.

“Hot chocolate,” sagot ko.

“Okay,” sabi niya at saka tumayo. Gustuhin ko mang sumunod para maka-bili ng inumin ko ay ayokong iwan iyong gamit namin dito dahil baka mawala. Ayoko ring dalhin dahil baka may kumuha ng pwesto.

Nang maka-balik si Austin Archangel ay tumayo na ako para pumunta sa counter. Umorder ako ng hot chocolate.

“You ordered?” tanong niya.

“Bawal ba?”

Napa-awang ang labi niya. “I ordered for you.”

“Bakit?” tanong ko.

Napa-kurap siya. “As… a thank you? For answering my endless questions last night?”

I shrugged. “It’s nothing,” sabi ko. Nung una kong nakuha si Blue, sa Internet ako naghanap ng sagot sa mga tanong ko. I was happy to help—at least maiiwasan niya iyong mga mali na nagawa ko noon.

“Thank you,” sabi ko nang ilapit niya sa akin iyong mug na may hot chocolate after niyang kuhanin sa couter.

“You’ll stay here?”

Tumango ako. “Manonood ako ng shooting mamaya.”

“With Serj?” Tumango ako at nagsimulang inumin iyong hot chocolate. Mas masarap ’yung nasa bahay. “So… how’s the script going?”

“45% done.”

“What does that mean?”

“I’m done with the characters and the main plot—I just have to write everything down.”

“You’re done with my character?”

“It’s based on you—not you.”

“What’s the name?”

I shrugged. “Kapag tapos na.”

“Okay,” sabi niya. “Am I still a basketball player there?”

“Hindi.”

“So… what did you get from me?”

“Your face, your height, your mannerisms, how you talk.” He blinked. “How you always blink—” sabi ko. “You should get that checked. Nagpa-check up ka na ba sa ubo mo?”

He blinked thrice again.

If he weren’t so healthy and if I don’t literally see him run every day, I’d suspect that he’s having seizures.

“Uh… yeah,” sabi niya.

“Ano daw ang sabi?”

“I don’t have a cough.”

“How about other respiratory disease?”

“Yeah, I’m healthy.”

“Okay,” sabi ko. “Magpa-check up ka rin sa mata mo.”

His lips parted. “Sure…”

Tumayo ako para kunin iyong order ko. Pagbalik ko, inilapag ko lang sa lamesa iyong pangalawang mug ko. Inilabas ko rin mula sa tote bag ko iyong laptop ko.

“Hi, Kuya…” Sabay kaming napa-tingin doon sa tatlong babae na naka-suot ng high school uniform ng SCA. “Can we take a picture with you?”

Tumango lang si Austin Archangel sa kanila. Binuksan ko iyong laptop ko at pinabayaan sila. Binuksan ko iyong word file at huminga nang malalim. Kailangan kong maka 50% ngayong araw.

“Ate, can you take a photo of us?”

“Bingi yata.”

“Sungit—is she the girlfriend?”

Binuksan ko iyong Instagram para i-check ulit iyong sa description. Mas maganda na makita ko ulit para mas vivid iyong isusulat ko na description.

“Tapos na?” tanong ko nang mapansin ko na nasa harap ko na ulit si Austin Archangel. Bahagyang naka-kunot ang noo niya.

“Sorry about that.”

“Bakit?” tanong ko. Akala ko sanay na siya dahil hindi niya naman pinapansin kapag may tuma-tawag o nagpapa-picture sa kanya sa school o kapag may kumu-kuha ng picture niya without his permission sa labas.

“Nothing,” sabi niya. “So, you’re okay here?”

Tumango ako. “Thank you sa hot choco.”

Tumango rin siya. “No problem,” sabi niya. “Uh… thanks for accompanying me today, Karaminah Viel.”

Tipid akong ngumiti. “No problem, Austin Archangel.“s

**

This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). For those asking, you can use Gcash/Paypal/Paymaya/Credit Card as a mode of payment for Patreon. Just request for your digital card via Gcash app.

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

“Miss.”

“Gosh, ang snob naman.”

“Do you think she’s the girlfriend of Austin?”

Napa-tingin ako sa pinanggalingan ng boses nang marinig ko ang pangalan ni Austin Archangel. They were talking within earshot, but I’d never assume na ako ang pinag-uusapan. I have a hard time picking social cues—I’d rather just not assume anything unless otherwise stated directly.

“Are you Austin’s girlfriend?” tanong nung babae.

I nodded. We’re friends gaya ng sinabi ni Kuya Robert. Lagi kaming nag-uusap at tinu-tulungan niya ako. Pakiramdam ko ay mas magiging close pa kaming dalawa dahil kay Violet—sana ay mabait siya dahil hindi mabait si Blue. Paano sila magiging playmates kung pareho silang aggressive?

Kumunot ang noo ko nang mapa-singhap iyong babae sa harap ko. Iyong katabi niya na kulot ang buhok at sobrang pula din ng labi ay tinapik ang balikat niya. Pwede bang maglipstick kapag high school? Nung nasa high school ako ay naaalala ko na bawal iyong ganyan kaya ang ginagawa ng mga kaklase ko ay kumakain sila nung candy na lips ang pangalan para pumula ang labi nila. Nalaman ng mga teacher kaya banned ang candy na ’yon sa canteen namin.

Nang lumipas ang isang minuto na wala na silang sinabi pa ay ibinalik ko ang atensyon ko sa laptop ko. Nung magutom naman ako ay kinain ko iyong baon ko na sandwich. Saktong 3pm nang tumayo ako para bumalik sa school.

“Salamat po,” sabi ko sa traffic enforcer nang tulungan niya akong tumawid. Sabi ni Kuya Robert, titiingin ako sa kaliwa at kanan kapag kailangan kong tumawid tapos ay sumenyas ako sa sasakyan na tatawid ako. Ginawa ko naman lahat kaya lang ay parang napako sa sahig ang mga paa ko. Mabuti na lang at nakita ako nung traffic enforcer at tinulungan ako na maka-tawid sa kabilang banda.

Tumango lang siya sa akin. Nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad hanggang sa maka-balik ako sa school. Dahil hindi ko kabisado ay pumunata ako sa harap nung map. Hinanap ko roon kung nasaan iyong building ng Engineering dahil sabi ni Serj ay doon daw iyong location ng shooting nila.

“Karms!”

Napa-hugot ako nang malalim na hininga nang marinig ko ang boses ni Jed. Kahit hindi ko siya tinignan ay nakita ko na nagjogging siya palapit sa akin. Naka-suot siya ng light brown na khaki pants, puting Onitsuka na sapatos, at puting polo shirt na may logo ng SCA.

“Ngayon lang kita nakita sa campus outside court,” sabi niya.

“Hindi naman kasi ako enrolled,” sagot ko sa kanya.

Tumawa siya. “Pilosopo naman ni Karms.”

Humarap ako sa kanya. “Wag mo akong tawagin na Karms.”

“Why? Cute naman.”

“Gusto mo bang tawagin kitang J? “

“Pwede naman kung gusto mo.”

Umiling ako. “Ayoko.”

Muli siyang tumawa. “Fine, fine… How about Karaminah Viel?”

“Just call me Karma like everybody else.”

“Bakit bawal full name? I hear Austin calling you that.”

“It’s different,” I said.

“How come?”

“We’re friends.”

“Then can we be friends, too?” I shook my head. Tinawanan niya lang ako. “Paano ba maging friend mo?”

“Start by not calling me Karms, “ sabi ko at saka inilapit iyong mga mata ko dahil parang mas naguluhan ako sa mapa ng school.

“San ka ba pupunta?” he asked.

“Engineering.”

“Gusto mo samahan kita?”

“Ituro mo na lang.”

Tumawa siya. “Fine,” sabi niya at saka sinimulan akong bigyan ng direction. Ang gulo niya mag-explain dahil puro liliko ako kahit hindi niya sinabi kung kanan o kaliwa ba. Hindi na ako nagpa-tuloy makinig sa kanya dahil mas maliligaw lang ako kapag sumunod ako sa sasabihin ni Jed.

“Just ignore them,” sabi niya matapos niya akong lituhin.

“Ignore who?”

“Ganyan talaga kapag may kasamang babae iyong basketball player,” sabi niya habang discreetly—in his standards—niyang itinuro iyong dalawang babae na naka-tingin sa amin. Pero agad silang nag-iwas nang tumingin ako sa kanila.

“Okay,” sabi ko na lang dahil ganyan din naman kapag kasama ko si Austin Archangel. Kung gusto nila, dapat sumama rin sila sa team tapos gumising din sila ng 4am.

Nagpasalamat ako kay Jed kahit wala siyang naitulong sa akin. Naglakad na lang ako at nang may makita akong guard ay doon ako sa kanya nagtanong—didiretso at kakanan lang pala ako. Kung susundin ko iyong instructions ni Jed, parang nasa isang maze ako.

Pagdating ko sa location ay nakita ko agad si Serj. Mayroon siyang kausap na dalawang babae at isang lalaki. Naka-tayo lang ako roon at hini-hintay na mapa-tingin siya sa akin. Nagmasid-masid muna ako. May mga naka-set up na na camera at microphones. May isang babae at isang lalaki rin na naka-upo sa isang gilid at may hawak na mukhang script—sila siguro iyong bida.

Nakaka-excite.

Kailangan kong mas gumaling—gusto kong dumating iyong panahon na iyong kwento ko na ang binabasa nila at iaarte nila. Na iyong mga bagay na nasa imagination ko lang ay makikita at mapapa-nood na ng ibang mga tao.

Balang araw.

Kailangan kong mas sipagan pa.

---

8:09pm na nang maka-uwi ako sa bahay. Kinausap ko iyong scriptwriter nila, si Kaleigh. Ang saya niyang kausap dahil ang dami niyang sinasabi sa akin na tips, kaya lang ay pakiramdam ko makaka-develop ako ng lung cancer dahil kahit hindi siya naninigarilyo sa harap ko ay naaamoy ko pa rin sa damit niya at sa buhok niya iyong sigarilyo.

“Sa susunod magsabi ka agad,” sabi ni Papa habang kumakain kami.

“Saan po?” tanong ko.

“Na late kang uuwi.”

“Nagsabi po ako kay Kuya Robert,” sabi ko.

“Sino ba ang magulang mo?” biglang tanong ni Mama. Ngayon lang siya nagsalita.

“Kayo po,” sagot ko. Huminga siya nang malalim. Hinawakan ni Papa iyong kamay niya na naka-patong sa ibabaw ng lamesa. “Start na ng season ng basketball sa susunod na linggo kaya hindi ko alam kung ano’ng oras talaga ako makaka-uwi,” pagbanggit ko dahil binigyan ako ni Coach ng pass kanina. Sabi naman ni Serj ay manonood lang kami doon habang naka-upo sa bleachers tapos sasama sa dugout kapag break. Okay lang naman… kaso marami daw tao. Ayoko sa masyadong maraming tao.

Nang matapos akong kumain ay nagpaalam na ako at pumunta ako sa kwarto. Nakita ko na masama ang tingin sa akin ni Blue—naniniwala talaga ako na marunong magtanim ng sama ng loob ang mga pusa.

“Wag ka ng magalit,” sabi ko sa kanya. “Pakiramdam ko malapit ka nang magkaroon ng kaibigan.”

Nagsimula na ulit ako magsulat. Nang mapagod ang mga mata ko ay nagpunta muna ako sa Instagram. Na-re-relax ako kapag nakaka-kita ako ng magagandang litrato kaya ang mga account na fino-follow ko ay puro nature accounts at iyong mga kaibigan ko lang.

Napa-ngiti ako nang magpost ng picture ni Violet si Austin Archangel. Agad kong ni-like iyon. Agad din akong nakakita ng message niya.

austingdl: She likes the toys.

Message niya sa akin at sumunod iyong picture ni Violet na naka-patong sa couch at nasa tabi iyong mga laruan niya. Naka-simangot si Violet, pero naniniwala ako na galit lang talaga ang lahat ng mga pusa. Baka magulat ako kapag naka-kita ako ng naka-ngiti na pusa.

Nagthumbs up lang ako sa message niya at saka ibinalik ko na iyong atensyon ko sa script ko. Sobrang ginanahan ako sa pag-uusap namin ni Kaleigh—iba pala talaga kapag naka-hanap ka ng likeminded na tao. Mas nakaka-inspire gumawa.

1:09am na nang maka-tulog ako. Halos hatakin ko ang sarili ko papunta sa CR para maligo nung 3am na. Gusto ko na lang magsinungaling kay Coach Aldrin para sabihin na may sakit ako dahil ayoko talagang pumunta sa school ngayon… Inaantok pa ako. Kaya lang ay kailangan ko iyong scholarship para makapag-aral ako ng Creative Writing.

Ginising na lang ako ni Kuya Robert nang nasa school na kami.

“Inaantok pa ’yan—bantayan mo baka tumama sa poste,” sabi ni Kuya Robert nang makita niya si Austin Archangel na naglalakad sa loob ng gate. Bigla niya na lang tinawag kahit hindi naman siya kilala ni Austin Archangel.

“Uh… okay po,” sabi ni Austin Archangel.

Humikab ako. “Kuya Robert, si Austin Archangel.”

“Iyong inspiration , “ sabi niya.

Tumango ako. “Austin Archangel, si Kuya Robert.”

“Hi po,” sabi ni Austin Archangel.

May sinabi pa si Kuya Robert sa kanya kaya lang ay inaantok pa talaga ako kaya hindi ko na sila pinansin pa. Nagulat ako nang bigla akong kalabitin ni Austin Archangel at napansin ko na wala na pala si Kuya Robert.

“Are you okay?”

Umiling ako. “Inaantok pa ako.”

“Coffee?”

“Meron ka?”

Tumingin siya sa relo niya. “There’s a 24/7 coffee shop here—you want to get some?”

“Baka ma-late tayo,” sabi ko.

“Let’s just walk faster,” sabi niya.

“Sure ka?” tanong ko kasi kapag na-late siya, papatakbuhin siya ni Coach nang sampung beses. Napapagod na ako iniisip ko pa lang. “Hindi naman ako papatakbuhin kapag na-late tayo, ’di ba?”

“What?”

“Kapag late kasi, pinapa-takbo.”

Natawa siya. “Oh… that. No. It’s for players only.”

Napa-buntung-hininga ako. “Good to know that.”

“Why? You’re worried about that?”

“Yes. For weeks now.”

Natawa ulit siya. “You really thought Coach would ask you to do that?”

“Siguro. Nakaka-takot si Coach,” sabi ko. Kapag si Ninong Aldrin siya, ang bait niya. Kapag si Coach siya, sobrang seryoso niya. Hindi na rin ako nagtataka na lagi kaming champion—naka-tira na ata kaming buong team sa gym.

Muli siyang tumawa. “To ease your mind… no. That punishment’s for players only. You can relax now.”

“Thank you,” sabi ko kasi ilang linggo na ring bumabagabag sa akin iyon kaya kahit antuk na antok ako ay on time pa rin akong duma-dating.

“But why are you so sleepy today?”

“Nagsulat ako.”

“Finished already?”

“35% pa.”

“You promised you’ll let me read.”

“Oo nga.”

Pagdating namin sa Café Dominique ay may mga tao pa rin na mukhang mga law students na dito nag-aaral. Mabuti na lang at wala akong balak maging abogado. Hindi ko alam kung bakit naisip ni Mama na may interes ako doon.

“Ano’ng masarap dito?” tanong ko kay Austin Archangel. Sabi ni Mama ay kapag hindi mo alam kung ano ang oorderin mo ay itanong mo kung ano ang best seller nila—pero ngayon ko pa lang kailangan magtanong dahil kapag pumupunta ako sa resto ay na-research ko na ang menu nila at alam ko na kung ano ang oorderin ko.

“I just get their iced coffee. And the panini.”

“Okay,” sabi ko at saka umorder ako nung sinabi ni Austin Archangel. Naka-tayo lang kami sa counter habang hini-hintay iyong order namin. Niyakap ko iyong sarili ko dahil nilalamig ako. Sobrang lamig dito sa loob. Naka-jacket naman ako, pero malamig pa rin.

“You can just wait outside,” sabi niya. “I’ll grab our orders.”

Tumango ako dahil nilalamig na talaga ako. Habang nasa labas ako ay naka-tingin ako sa kanya dahil wala naman akong ibang titignan. Pinanood ko nang may lumapit sa kanyang dalawang babae para magpa-picture tapos ay biglang tinuro nila ako. Kumunot ang noo ko. Pumasok ako sa loob.

“What?” tanong niya habang naka-lahad ang kamay ko.

“Picture-an ko kayo,” sabi ko dahil ganito rin ang nangyari dati. Inirapan ako nung mga babae. Hindi ko naman alam kung ano ang gusto nilang mangyari until after sabihin nila sa akin na picture-an ko sila. Hindi naman sila nagsabi—ang dali-daling kumuha ng picture.

“Uhm… pwede kasama ka po?” sabi nung babae.

“Bakit?” tanong ko dahil hindi naman ako basketball player.

“Kasi po girlfriend ka ni Kuya Austin,” sabi nung mas maliit na babae.

Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit kailangang kasama ako, pero para matapos na ang usapan ay sumama na ako. Hindi ko akalain na ganoon na pala ka-sikat si Austin Archangel na pati sa kaibigan niya ay nagpapa-picture ang mga fans niya.

“What—” sabi ni Austin Archangel pero agad na naagaw ang atensyon ko nang makita ko iyong iced coffee at panini. 

**

This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). For those asking, you can use Gcash/Paypal/Paymaya/Any Virtual Card/Credit Card as a mode of payment for Patreon. For GCash, just request for your digital card via Gcash app.

Chapter 12

Chapter 12

“Hey, Si—” sabi ni Saint nang mapa-tigil siya nang bigla siyang sikuhin ni Austin Archangel sa tiyan niya. Bahagyang nanlaki ang mga mata ko dahil sa nangyari. Mabuti na lang at walang iniinom si Saint dahil sigurado ako na mabubulunan siya sa ginawa ng kapatid niya. “Rude,” dugtong niya nang maka-recover.

Naka-kunot ang noo ko nang makita ko si Serj na naglalakad palapit kaya naman lumapit ako sa kanya. Tinulungan ko siyang magset-up para sa training. Isang minuto bago alas-cuatro ay dumating na si Coach at nagsimula na ang training.

“How was the shoot?” tanong ni Serj. “Di na kita natanong.”

“Ang dami kong natutunan kay Kaleigh. Salamat sa pag-introduce.”

“No problem,” sagot niya. “May progress na ba sa script mo?”

“70%.”

Tumango siya. “Practice makes perfect.”

Tumango rin ako dahil alam ko na tama siya. Nung una akong magsulat ng script ay hindi ko talaga alam ang gagawin ko. Alam ko na iyon ang gusto kong gawin. Alam ko kung paano magsimula… pero hindi ko alam kung paano ako makaka-rating sa dulo.

Masakit iyong rejections na natanggap ko, pero naiintindihan ko naman. Sana lang pinoint out nila kung ano iyong kulang at saan pa ako pwedeng mag-improve, hindi iyong sinabi lang nila na hindi ako pasado.

“Pwede ba ulit akong manood ng shooting?”

“Sure. Text ka lang,” sabi niya.

“Pwede ko ulit kausapin si Kaleigh?”

Natawa siya. “Oo naman? Also, ’di mo kailangan ng permission ko.”

Tumango ako. “Okay.”

“But text ka muna if punta ka kasi ’di laging nandun ’yun, e.”

“Talaga? Kahit siya iyong nagsulat?”

Tumango si Serj. “Madaming ginagawa ’yun, e.”

“Okay lang sa kanya na wala siya?”

Nagkibit-balikat siya. “Nasa script naman na ’yung lines pati iyong naisip niya na ambiance. Unless may gusto siyang idagdag o i-emphasize, okay lang din naman. Kaya mahalaga na vivid din iyong description para mas madali sa part ng director na iexecute iyong vision ng writer,” paliwanag niya sa akin.

Nang matapos kami ni Serj sa pag-aayos ay umuwi na rin ako agad. Nagsulat lang ako dahil start na ng season ay sinabi sa akin ni Serj na nakaka-pagod daw iyon. Hindi pa naman ako nakakapagsulat kapag pagod ang isip ko. Mabuti at naka-adjust na iyong katawan at isip ko sa bagong schedule ko—hindi ko alam kung gaano ako ka-bilis makaka-adjust sa baong schedule kapag nagsimula na ang season kaya kailangan kong bilisan.

Buong araw akong naka-tutok sa script ko kaya naman maaga akong naka-tulog. Nagising ako ng alas-dos ng madaling araw. Sinubukan kong matulog ulit dahil may isang oras pa, pero hindi na ako naka-tulog pa. Nag-online na lang ako at tumingin ng mga pictures kasi baka biglang maka-kuha ako ng inspiration.

Minsan kasi, kahit alam mo na iyong gusto mo, biglang may dadating na hindi kasama sa plano… and more often than not, they make everything fit perfectly together.

But it’s only okay when it comes to writing—I definitely did not like surprises in my life. I like knowing everything that’s going to happen. I like being prepared. I dislike unpredictability.

---

“Aalis ka ulit?” tanong ni Ate Gina nang bumaba ako nung 11:00am. Naka-suot ako ng black maong pants at iyong puting polo shirt na may logo ng school.

“Start na ng season,” sagot ko. “May lunch na ba?”

Naghain si Ate Gina para sa akin. Kumain ako nang marami dahil sinabi ni Coach na kailangan nasa gym na ako ng 12noon dahil aalis kami ng 1pm. Malapit lang naman iyong arena kung saan gaganapin iyong unang game, pero kailangan ay nandoon na raw kami nang maaga para sa warm-up ng players. Hindi na rin ako nagtanong kasi ano ba’ng magagawa ko?

“Salamat, Ate,” sabi ko nang pabaunan niya ako ng sandwich dahil sigurado ako na magugutom ako mamaya.

Pagdating ko sa school ay dumiretso lang ako sa gym. Chineck ko iyong mga gamit—binigyan ako ni Serj ng listahan kasi male-late daw siya at ayoko naman na pareho kaming pagalitan. Ayos lang naman kasi alam ko na may ginagawa siya sa shooting. Hindi ko lang sigurado kung pwede pa ’to sa susunod na sem kapag enrolled na rin ako.

Naka-upo lang ako sa bench habang nagwawarm-up na iyong mga players sa court. Pinapanood ko iyong pagdating ng mga tao. Seryoso pala na maraming nanonood. Puno iyong sa side ng SCA pati iyong sa kabilang school. Ang ingay din.

Nagpaalam ako at saka tumayo para pumunta sa CR. Ipinatong ko iyong bag ko sa may counter para ilabas iyong disposable towel seat cover ko nang may kumalabit sa akin. Bahagyang naka-kunot ang noo ko. May dalawang babae na naka-tingin sa akin. Naka-suot sila ng jacket ng SCA kaya alam ko na ex-schoolmate ko sila.

“Ate, pwedeng pa-picture?” tanong nila. Nagtaka ako, pero inilahad ko ang kamay ko para kuhanin iyong cellphone para picture-an sila. Natawa sila. “I mean, pa-picture po with you…”

Mas lalo lang akong nagtaka, pero wala na akong oras para kwestyunin sila dahil kailangan ko na ring bumalik agad sa court. Nagpasalamat sila sa akin. NagCR na ako at naghugas nang mabuti ng mga kamay ko.

Pagbalik ko, pinanood ko lang silang magtatakbo sa court, as usual.

“Thanks,” sabi ni Austin Archangel nang abutan ko siya ng gatorade. Ang daming gatorade na dala namin dahil sponsor pala ito ng team. Dati kasi ay tubig lang.

“Good luck,” sabi ko.

Ngumiti siya. “I’ll do my best.”

“Dapat lang,” sabi ko dahil malakas ang pakiramdam ko na magagalit si Coach Aldrin kapag natalo kami sa unang laban.

Bahagyang natawa siya. Nagjog agad siya pabalik sa gitna nang tawagin iyong pangalan niya bilang parte ng first 5. Nandoon si Austin Archangel, Saint, Phil, Ken, at Yves. Si Austin Archangel iyong nasa gitna para sa jumpshot. Halos mabingi ako nang mapunta sa SCA ang unang possession ng bola.

“Ingay ba?” natatawang sabi ni Serj sa tabi ko. Tumango ako. “Masasanay ka rin.”

“Ayokong masanay,” sabi ko. Napa-iling na natatawa na lang siya sa akin.

Nagpatuloy ang laban. Naka-upo lang ako roon at nag-aabot ng tubig, gatorade, o tuwalya sa mga players. Nang matapos ang first quarter ay nag-sub out si Austin Archangel. Naupo siya sa sahig ng court. Naka-fold iyong mga mahahabang binti niya at seryosong naka-tingin siya sa mga naglalaro. Sobrang seryoso niya na para bang walang nag-e-exist kundi iyong laro lang. Nakaka-bilib kasi kita mo na passion niya talaga iyong paglalaro. Passionate din naman iyong ibang players, pero ewan ko… There’s something about him that makes his passion on a different level.

And I understood him.

That’s how I feel about writing, too.

Kaya kahit ilang rejection ang makuha ko, I would not give up. Because after a long time, I finally found something I love doing. And I knew that not everyone would experience caring about something to that extent.

Nang matapos iyong first half ay pumunta kami sa dugout. Hindi ko alam kung bakit galit si Coach dahil lamang naman kami, pero parang gets naman nila kaya tahimik lang ako.

Pagbalik namin sa Court ay naghiyawan na naman ang mga tao. Kaka-tapos lang magperform nung cheerleading team at sayang dahil hindi ko nakita. Hindi ko pa sila napapanood dahil umuuwi agad ako after ng training. Pero sabi naman ni Serj na mapapanood ko sila sa cheer dance competition.

“Bakit wala ka ’dun?” tanong ko kay Saint nang maupo siya sa tabi ko. May 12 inches na distansya sa pagitan namin. Mabuti na lang dahil kahit hindi siya mabaho ay ayokong madikitan ng pawis niya.

“Huh?” tanong niya sa akin.

I shrugged. “Ikaw pinaka-magaling sa team.”

Natawa si Saint. “Thanks, Karma.”

I shrugged. “You’re welcome.”

Nanood lang si Saint sa tabi ko tapos minsan ay sumisigaw din siya kaya nadadamay ako sa kaba. Nung bumaba sa 10 points ang lamang ng SCA ay saka biglang ipinasok si Saint at inilabas si Jed sa court.

“Pwede na bang umalis o kailangan kasabay din ako uuwi?” tanong ko kay Serj nang 1 minute na lang ang natitira sa game at unless magka-milagro at bigla nilang mahabol iyong 20 points na lamang, tapos na ang laban.

“Sabay tayo sa shuttle pabalik ng school,” sabi ni Serj. Napa-buntung-hininga na lang ako.

Nang matapos iyong game ay nanalo ang team namin. Iniayos ko na iyong mga gamit habang nakipagkamay iyong team namin sa team nila. Naiwan kami ni Serj para ilagay lahat nung gamit pabalik sa box, pero may iba pang member ng team na tumulong para buhatin iyong mga mabibigat na gamit pabalik sa shuttle.

Lumabas muna ako dahil parang bigla akong na-suffocate dahil nagkaroon ng media at may mga camera pati iyong mga cheer leaders ay nasa gitna rin. Nauna ako papunta sa dugout, pero walang tao roon kaya lalabas muna sana ako nang may maka-bangga ako.

“Sorry,” paghingi ko ng tawad dahil ako naman iyong naka-bangga.

“Sorry,” biglang sabi niya rin. Naka-suot siya ng jacket ng Brent. Itim na itim iyong buhok niya at parang pwede siyang model ng shampoo para magkaroon ng volume at bouncy iyong buhok mo. Mayroon siyang hawak na paper cup na kulay red at may takip.

“Bawal ka rito,” sabi ko dahil tiga-Brent siya at SCA na dugout ito.

He laughed. “Who said?”

“Hindi niyo naman laro.”

“Actually, we have a game after yours,” sabi niya. “You’re from SCA, right?”

“Last sem,” sagot ko dahil naka-suot ako ng polo shirt ng school ko kaya naiintindihan ko ang pagka-lito niya. “But I will enroll next sem.”

Bahagyang kumunot ang noo niya. “Uh… okay?”

Mula sa malayo pa lang ay narinig ko na ang malakas na boses ni Jed kaya naman napa-tingin ako sa likod ko. Napa-kunot ang noo ni Jed, Phil, at Saint nang makita nila ako. Binuksan ko iyong pinto sa dugout para pumasok doon.

“Congrats,” sabi ko nang maka-sunod na rin sila sa akin.

“Kilala mo ’yun, Karms?” tanong ni Jed. Tumingin ako sa kanya. Tumawa si Jed. “Karma,” sabi niya. “Still takes a lot of getting used to.”

“Isang letter lang.”

“But Karms feels more… friendly.”

Hindi ako sumagot at tumawa lang siya. Napa-buntung-hininga ako nang maghubad na naman sila ng damit. Lumabas na lang ako dahil ako ang kailangang mag-adjust dahil lahat sila naka-hubad. Hindi ko alam kung kailan ako masasanay na may biglang lalaking naghuhubad sa paligid ko. Hindi naman ako tumititig sa katawan nila, pero it always felt like a private moment and that I was intruding.

Paglabas ko ay nakita ko ulit iyong lalaki. Nasaan ba iyong team niya? Tumingin ako sa pinanggalingan ko, pero marami pang media roon. Naglakad ako papunta sa kabila. Pero parang mali yata dahil biglang mayroong mga nagpa-picture sa akin.

“You’re famous, huh?” sabi nung lalaki.

“Ano ba’ng pangalan mo?” tanong ko dahil kausap siya nang kausap sa akin kahit hindi ko naman siya kilala.

“Dominic,” sabi niya. “You are?”

“Karaminah Viel,” sagot ko.

“Nice to meet you, Karaminah Viel,” sabi niya.

“Likewise, Dominic,” sagot ko.

Biglang may isang babae na nagpa-picture sa aming dalawa. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit nagpapa-picture sila sa akin kahit hindi naman ako basketball player.

“Thanks, Ate Karma!” sabi nung babae.

Tumango na lang ako kahit hindi ko naiintindihan. Nung tinanong ko naman siya ay sinabi niya lang na girl friend daw ako ni Austin Archangel. Hanggang ngayon ay nabibilib pa rin ako sa kasikatan nung taong iyon.

“Here’s the boyfriend,” sabi ni Dominic sa tabi ko. Napa-tingin ako sa tini-tignan niya at nakita ko si Austin Archangel na naglalakad papunta sa dugout. Naipit ata siya sa loob ng court dahil ngayon lang siya naka-alis.

“Congrats,” sabi ko nang maka-lapit siya.

“Thanks,” sagot niya. “You know Dom?”

Napa-tingin ako sa likuran ni Dominic na paalis na. “Ngayon lang,” sagot ko. “Sa tingin mo mga ilang minuto pa bago tayo pwedeng umalis?”

Austin Archangel pressed his lips together as though he was in deep thoughts. “In less than 30 minutes,” sabi niya. “Just rest for a bit then change some clothes and pwede nang umalis,” he continued.

“Okay,” sagot ko.

“Why? You wanna leave already?”

Tumango ako. “Hindi ko alam kung paano, pero parang mas pagod pa ako sa inyo na naglaro.”

Bahagyang natawa si Austin Archangel. “It’s tiring to watch us?”

Tumango ako. “Sobra.”

Pumasok kami—nauna si Austin Archangel. Naka-bihis na silang lahat. Para akong nahilo sa halu-halong pabango nila. Nagsabi lang ng kaunti si Coach tapos ay naglabasan na iyong mga players dahil may bagong team na gagamit nung kwarto dahil may susunod pang laro.

Naghintay pa ako ng ilang minuto dahil hindi agad kami naka-labas dahil may mga babaeng nagpa-picture pa sa mga players. Naka-tayo si Austin Archangel sa tabi ko. We were standing 10 meters away from the ‘picture-taking session’ na mukhang enjoy na enjoy ni Jed.

“Sorry,” sabi ko nang mapa-tingin si Austin Archangel sa akin dahil biglang tumunog ang tiyan ko. Gutom na ako. Alas-cuatro na at kaninang 11am pa ang huling kain ko.

“I think we can buy food outside.”

“Hindi ba tayo papagalitan?”

“The picture-taking will last for another 20 minutes or so,” sabi niya.

Lumabas kami. Diretso lang na naglakad si Austin Archangel at hindi siya tumi-tingin sa mga babae na naka-tingin sa kanya. He was wearing a white Champion shirt, denim pants, and black Nike sliders. May gold na kwintas din siya na may pendant na krus. Medyo basa iyong buhok niya dahil sa pawis galing sa laro kanina. Sa paraan ng paglalakad niya ay hindi agad naka-lapit iyong mga gustong lumapit.

“What do you want?” tanong niya nang huminto siya sa isang kainan. Lumapit ako roon at tumingin sa menu kung ano ang pwede kong kainin.

“Sabi ko sa iyo may girlfriend na talaga, e,” sabi nung babae sa tabi ko.

“Parang hindi naman…”

“Teh, tama na ilusyon,” sagot nung babae.

Nang makapagdesisyon ako ay tumingin ako kay Austin Archangel. “Wala akong cash,” sabi ko sa kanya.

“I got this,” sagot niya tapos ay inilabas niya iyong wallet niya. Mabilis na napa-tingin ako sa babae sa gilid ko nang tumili siya dahil nasaktan iyong tenga ko.

“Sorry po, Ate,” sabi nung babae.

“Okay lang,” sagot ko tapos tumingin ulit ako kay Austin Archangel. “Tapos na ata sila. Balik na tayo ’dun.”

“What about food?” tanong niya.

“Sa school na lang,” sabi ko dahil baka mapagalitan kami.

“Okay,” sabi niya. “I have food in my bag,” dugtong niya habang naglalakad kami pabalik sa team.

**

This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). For those asking, you can use Gcash/Paypal/Paymaya/Any Virtual Card/Credit Card as a mode of payment for Patreon. For GCash, just request for your digital card via Gcash app.

Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Nang maka-balik kami sa school ay hindi agad ako lumabas dahil ang daming nag-aabang sa mga players sa labas ng shuttle. Alam ko na sikat sila base pa lang sa number ng mga followers nila sa social media nila–pero hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit pinagkaka-guluhan sila sa school. Araw-araw silang nandito. Nakaka-salubong nila. Minsan, kasabay pa nilang pumila sa cafeteria o sumakay sa elevator. Dahil ba kaka-tapos lang ng laro at panalo sila? Kaya ganito na parang biglang naging artista sila?

Masyadong nakaka-lito ang mundo ng basketball.

“Tara na,” sabi ni Serj. Napa-buntung-hininga ako. Natawa siya. “Sa likod na lang kita,” dugtong niya. “Come on. Para makapagligpit na tayo. May shoot ako.”

“Nandun si Kaleigh?”

Natawa siya. “Yes. Sasama kita sa shoot,” sabi niya. “Tara na?” tanong niya at tumango ako. Tumayo na siya at sumunod ako. “Sa likod na lang kita tapos lakad na lang tayo nang mabilis at diretso papunta sa court.”

Paglabas namin ay mas narinig ko iyong ingay. Ang daming mga tao na nag-aabang sa mga player–nandun din iyong mga cheerleaders kaya mas lalong dumagdag sa ingay. Naka-sunod lang ako kay Serj.

Bago kami naka-rating sa court ay natigil muna kami sandali dahil mayroong nagpa-picture sa akin.

“Grabe, sikat ka na rin?” tanong ni Serj habang nag-aayos kami ng gamit.

Nagkibit-balikat ako. “Dahil kaibigan ako ni Austin Archangel,” sagot ko sa kanya. Binilisan ko iyong pag-aayos dahil gusto ko nang pumunta kami sa shooting. Pakiramdam ko ay mas marami akong natututunan kapag nakikita ko mismo kaysa kapag sinasabi lang sa akin. Marami naman akong natutunan sa mga workshop na inattend-an ko, kaya lang ay iba pa rin kapag nakikita mo kung ano talaga ang nangyayari at kung paano gagamitin ang script mo.

“Tapos na,” excited na sabi ko nang matapos na namin ni Serj iyong pag-aayos. “Pupunta na ba sa shooting?”

Natawa siya. “Mamaya pa,” sagot niya. “Di pa naka-ayos, e.”

“Nandun ba si Kaleigh?”

“Wala pa—nasa mall pa ata. Text kita kapag nandun na siya?”

Tumango ako. Ayoko rin naman magstay doon nang wala si Kaleigh kasi wala naman akong gagawin doon. At saka busy din si Serj kapag nasa set dahil siya iyong director kaya marami siyang sinasagot na mga tanong.

Nang matapos kami ay lumabas ako. Wala na roon iyong mga tao. Parang walang nangyari kung iisipin iyong kanina na nagkaka-gulo silang lahat. Naglakad ako papunta sa labas para tumambay sa coffee shop. Gusto ko sana sa library para tahimik kaya lang ay hindi ako papapasukin dahil wala naman akong validated na ID.

“Was looking for you,” sabi ni Austin Archangel habang naka-tayo sa harapan ko.

Naka-kunot ang noo ko. “Bakit?” tanong ko dahil wala akong maalala na sinabi ko na magkikita kami.

“Ah…” sabi niya. Naghintay ako ng 10 segundo para sa susunod na mga salita na lalabas sa bibig niya, pero wala akong narinig. Kumunot ang noo ko. “You’re going home already?”

Umiling ako. “Coffee shop.”

“You’ll write?”

Tumango ako. “Wala kang pasok?”

“Free cut,” sagot niya.

“Lagi kang free cut,” I stated dahil parang wala talaga siyang ginagawa doon sa degree niya. Kung doon siguro ako pinag-aral, hindi ako magrereklamo kay Mama dahil marami akong time na gawin iyong gusto ko talaga.

Saglit na natawa siya. “Well, we mostly submit papers,” sabi niya. Tumango ako at nagsimulang maglakad. Naglakad din siya sa tabi ko.

“Sasama ka ba sa ’kin?” tanong ko dahil 10 metro na lang ay lalabas na kami sa gate.

“I’ll grab a coffee,” sagot niya.

Habang naglalakad kami ay bigla naming naka-salubong si Jed. Kumunot ang noo ko dahil sa reaksyon niya habang naka-tingin sa aming dalawa. Kung hindi magtutuloy si Jed sa career niya bilang basketball player, pwede niyang gawing option ang pagiging artista dahil sa reaksyon niya sa mga bagay-bagay.

“So… the rumors are true,” sabi niya.

“Anong rumor?” tanong ko. Wala akong alam sa mga chismis dahil sinabi na sa akin ni Ate Gina noon na masama iyon. Pero minsan, nakaka-curious din talaga sila. Masama bang makinig sa chismis o masama lang magkalat ng chismis? Kailangan kong itanong mamaya.

“About you two–” sabi ni Jed.

“Karaminah Viel,” pagtawag ni Austin Archangel sa tabi ko. Lumingon ako at tumingin sa kanya. Hindi siya nagsalita. Bahagyang kumunot ang noo ko dahil bakit niya ako tatawagin kung wala naman siyang sasabihin.

“Ano iyong rumor?” tanong ko ulit kay Jed nang ma-confirm ko na wala namang sasabihin si Austin Archangel sa akin.

Naka-kunot pa rin ang noo ni Jed habang pabalik-balik sa aming dalawa ni Austin Archangel ang tingin niya.

“Ano’ng rumor?” muling tanong ko.

Napa-tingin ako kay Austin Archangel dahil napa-tingin sa kanya si Jed. Umiiling si Austin Archangel, pero agad na natigil siya nang tumingin ako sa kanya.

“Awkward,” pakantang sabi bigla ni Jed.

“Ang alin?” tanong ko na naguguluhan na sa nangyayari ngayon.

“Una na ako,” sagot ni Jed na walang kinalaman sa tanong ko. Napa-tingin ako kay Austin Archangel habang naka-kunot ang noo. Bakit ba ang gulo lalo ng mga tao ngayon? Sa normal na araw ay nahihirapan na ako iinterpret ang mga ginagawa nila, pero mas magulo ngayon. Wala akong makuhang direktang sagot sa kanila.

“Karaminah Viel,” seryosong pagtawag niya sa pangalan ko.

“Austin Archangel,” paggaya ko sa kanya at sa tono niya.

Problemadong sinuklay niya ang kulot niyang buhok gamit ang mahahabang daliri niya—parang kandila iyong mga daliri niya na mahaba at payat. Iyong sa akin kasi ay maigsi. Siguro kung pagdidikitin ang mga palad namin ay mas makikita ko kung gaano ka-igsi ang mga daliri ko.

“About the rumor…” sabi niya.

“Tungkol ba sa iyo?”

“Kinda.”

“Dapat ko bang malaman?” tanong ko dahil baka hindi ko naman kailangang malaman. Curious ako, pero hindi ko naman ikamamatay kung hindi ko alam ang chismis.

“So…” sabi niya. Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya at tahimik na naghihintay, pero napa-tingin ako sa gilid namin dahil may narinig ako na tumawag sa pangalan ko. Ang hirap namang maging kaibigan ng sikat—bakit ba ako nadadamay sa ganito? Kung sinu-sino ang tumatawag sa akin kahit hindi ko sila kilala.

“Can we go to the coffee shop first?” tanong niya. “For privacy,” mahinang dugtong niya.

Tumango ako dahil ayoko talaga ng may naka-titig sa akin—ganito pala ang pakiramdam ng tinititigan… Naiintindihan ko na kung bakit ako kinulong sa CR nung nasa high school ako. Pero hindi pa naman ako aabot sa punto na ikukulong ko iyong mga nagpapa-picture sa akin.

But it certainly felt weird to have strangers staring at you.

Pagdating namin sa Café Dominique ay pumila muna kaming dalawa. Walang masyadong tao ngayon for some reason… Weird.

After naming umorder at magbayad ay naupo kami sa pinaka-sulok na pwesto. Agad kong inilabas iyong jacket ko dahil malamig dahil nasa tabi na ako ng aircon. Nang maisuot ko iyon ay ibinalik ko ang atensyon ko sa lalaki sa harapan ko. Kumunot ang noo ko nang makita ko na iniinom niya iyong tubig sa tumbler niya. Sa palagay ko ay halos ubos na iyon dahil 10 segundo siyang umiinom at pinapanood ko iyong paggalaw ng Adam’s apple niya.

Nang matapos siya ay nagpakawala siya ng malalim na hininga.

“So—” pero napa-tigil siya nang biglang umilaw iyong ibinigay sa amin na call coaster. Tumayo si Austin Archangel at kinuha iyong order namin—iyong iced chocolate drink ko at iyong iced mocha niya.

“Salamat,” sagot ko nang iabot niya sa akin iyong inumin ko. Binuksan ko iyong paper straw at sumipsip sa inumin ko. Mas masarap ’to kaysa sa hot chocolate na ininom ko nung huling punta ko rito.

“For some reason,” pagsisimula niya. Hawak ng dalawang kamay niya iyong baso. “A rumor started about us…”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Sa ating dalawa?”

He nodded. “Yes.”

“Tungkol saan daw?” tanong ko na na-curious dahil bakit kasama ako? Dahil ba assistant ako ng team? Na-chismis na rin kaya si Serj sa team?

“That…” sabi niya. Huminga siya nang malalim. “You’re my girlfriend.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Di ba kapag chismis ibig sabihin hindi totoo?” tanong ko at tumango siya. “Paano naging chismis? Girl friend mo naman talaga ako.”

Saglit na napa-pikit siya at nagpakawala ng buntung-hininga. “I understand the confusion,” sabi niya. “But people assumed that when you said girl friend, you meant girlfriend.”

Mas lalo lang lumalim ang pagkaka-kunot ng noo ko. “Girlfriend as in… kasintahan?”

Nagbuntung-hininga na naman siya. “Yeah.”

“Bakit naman nila iisipin iyon?” tanong ko. When people asked me kung girlfriend ba ako ni Austin Archangel, I immediately thought that they meant girl friend. Dahil bakit naman ako mag-aassume na girlfriend ang ibig sabihin nila?

“Because—” sabi niya at saka huminto. “I don’t know,” dugtong niya. “I honestly don’t know.”

Naka-tingin siya sa akin. Hinalu-halo ko iyong inumin ko gamit iyong paper straw ko.

“I’m sorry,” sabi niya.

“Para saan?”

“Because of the rumor?”

“May girlfriend ka ba?” tanong ko.

“I’m single,” sagot niya.

“May nililigawan?”

“Not that I know of?”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Pwede ba iyong hindi ka sure kung may nililigawan ka?” tanong ko na naguluhan sa sagot niya. Napa-kamot siya sa batok.

“I mean,” sabi niya. “No—wala akong nililigawan.”

Tumango ako. “Wala rin naman akong boyfriend,” sabi ko sa kanya. “It’s a harmless rumor,” dugtong ko. “But you should clear that up.”

Tumango siya. “I know but… how, exactly?”

Hindi ako naka-sagot. Paano nga ba?

“Paano ba nag-a-announce kapag may girlfriend na?”

“Why?”

“Baka ganoon din i-announce na wala kang girlfriend?” tanong ko dahil hindi ko alam kung paano sa ganitong bagay. This was why I really needed to watch more movies and read more books—romance was something that evades me. I know the concept but the details confuse me.

“I really didn’t announce that I have a girlfriend,” sabi niya.

“Then… don’t really announce that you don’t have a girlfriend?” suggestion ko.

“So… I’ll just do nothing?”

“Hindi naman tayo mamamatay kung mali ang iisipin nila,” sabi ko. “Pero paano kapag may girlfriend ka na? Baka maging problema niyo pa,” dugtong ko dahil sa isang movie na napanood ko, iyon ang naging problema nung mga bida—na akala nung lalaki break na sila kaya naghanap na siya ng iba… iyon pala, cool-off lang daw.

Relationship is so complicated—it isn’t just a cut out yes, we’re together or no, we’re not together—meron pang mga cool-off at kung anu-ano’ng terms like fuck buddy, friends with benefits, swing mates, throuple… Kung anu-ano ang nababasa ko.

“I don’t think I’ll have a girlfriend in the foreseeable future,” sabi niya.

“Wala rin akong balak magboyfriend pa,” sagot ko. And I was pretty sure that I would never have a boyfriend because my personality’s off putting, as pointed out by my high school classmates. Okay lang. Masaya naman ako sa ginagawa ko. Hindi ko naman ikamamatay kapag walang lalaki.

Ininom ko iyong chocolate ko. Nang maubos ko iyon ay ibinalik ko kay Austin Archangel iyong tingin ko. “Iyon na ba iyong rumor?” tanong ko.

Tumango siya. “So… we’ll just do nothing?”

Tumango ako. “Pero sa susunod na may magtanong kung girlfriend mo ba ako, I will make it clear na girl space friend.”

Napaawang ang labi niya. “Then they’ll think we broke up?”

“Talaga?”

Tumango siya. “Pretty sure… and then rumors about why we broke up will start. And rumors can get wild,” sabi niya. “One day, I’ll read online that I cheated on you.”

“Bakit naman cheat agad? Hindi pwede na ayaw na lang natin?”

He shrugged. “I can’t control the rumors.”

I pressed my lips together. Why was I suddenly in a complicated relationship?

“Just post in your instagram that you’re single,” I said.

“That’ll be weird,” he replied. “And out of the blue.”

“So, how can we tell them that we’re just friends without being too on the nose about it?”

Isang minuto kaming tahimik dalawa.

Hanggang napa-buntung-hininga na lang ako.

“I guess we’re in a relationship? At least for some people,” I said, shrugging because I really didn’t care. It’s not like I would die.

**

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Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Naka-kunot ang noo ni Kaleigh habang naka-tingin sa akin. I pursed my lips and forced myself to suck it up dahil ako iyong humi-hingi ng pabor. Hindi ko naman pwedeng sabihin na mabaho siya at amoy na amoy ko iyong sigarilyo sa buhok at damit niya. She’s already doing me a favor by not smoking in front of me.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Yes,” I lied. Sabi ni Ate Gina, hindi mo dapat sinasabi na mabaho ang isang tao. Granted na mabaho sila, hindi mo na dapat pang i-point out because that would be rude. And I really try hard not to be perceived as rude.

“Are you sure?” muling tanong niya. “It’s because of the smoke, no?”

“I’m fine,” muling sabi ko. Magkausap kasi kami ngayon tungkol sa script ko. Tapos ko na iyon at pinapa-basa ko sa kanya. Marami siyang ginagawa kaya malaking bagay na ito na binigyan niya ako ng oras para basahin iyong script ko.

“Okay,” sabi niya. “But my apartment’s close to here lang. Gusto mo ba punta tayo ’dun? I’ll just take a quick bath and change,” dugtong niya. Umiling ako dahil abala pa sa kanya iyon. Alam niya naman kasi na ayoko sa sigarilyo. Nung una kaming nagkita ay nanigarilyo pa siya sa harapan ko. Ngayon ay hindi na, pero hindi ko naman pwedeng sabihin na tigilan niya iyon.

Ongoing iyong shoot ngayon. “Are you sure? Kasi babalik na lang ako rito. May kukunin din naman ako sa apartment.”

Dahil sa sinabi niya ay sumama na lang ako sa kanya. Kilala ko na rin naman siya—kung pagbabasehan iyong definition na binigay nila Ate Gina ay kaibigan ko na rin si Kaleigh. At dahil kaibigan ko siya, pwede na akong sumama sa kanya.

Pumunta kami sa apartment niya na 3 blocks away from the school. But I thought that it was not an apartment but more like a townhouse, but it wasn’t my place to correct her. It was a gated place at mayroong 6 na townhouse doon.

“Feel free to watch,” sabi niya. “Medyo matagal ako maligo, but bibilisan ko.”

Umiling ako. “Take your time,” sagot ko dahil ako naman iyong humingi ng favor. Nang maka-alis siya ay naghanap ako ng mauupuan. The place looked clean… but I couldn’t be sure dahil hindi naman ako dito naka-tira. So, when Kaleigh was out of sight, inilagay ko iyong mini-lysol na nasa bag ko at inisprayan iyong couch. Nang matapos ako ay halos mapa-talon ako sa kina-tatayuan ko dahil naka-rinig ako ng pagtawa.

“I’ve never seen anyone quite like you,” sabi ni Dominic na medyo naka-tawa iyong mukha. Naka-suot siya ng jersey shorts ng Brent at saka white t-shirt. May hawak siyang transparent mug na mayroong laman na iced americano.

“Dito ka naka-tira? O trespasser ka?” tanong ko dahil isa lang sa dalawa iyon.

Muli siyang natawa. Naka-sandal siya roon sa may poste. Naka-suot siya ng pambahay na tsinelas na fluffy. Kulay powder pink iyon.

“I live here,” sabi niya. “And since I live here, I can ask you–what brings you here?”

“Kasama ko si Kaleigh,” sagot ko.

“Won’t you ask kung kaanu-ano ko si Kaleigh?”

Umiling ako. “Not interested,” sagot ko tapos ay naupo na ako roon sa pwesto na inisprayan ko. Inilabas ko iyong laptop ko at tinignan ulit iyong script ko. Nag-edit ako based sa mga comment na binigay ni Kaleigh sa akin. After nun, ipapa-basa ko ulit sa kanya tapos ay ipapasa ko iyong script. Hindi naman ako umaasa na mapipili siya… Kahit maka-pasok lang ako sa initial round ay masaya na ako—that’s an improvement kumpara sa dati na ni hindi ako naka-pasok doon at talagang rejected lang.

After 24 minutes ay bumalik na si Kaleigh. She was wearing a cut off denim shorts na may mga naka-litaw na sinulid at oversized na puting damit.

“Dom, ang creepy,” sabi ni Kaleigh kay Dominic na nandoon at naka-upo sa may dining area. “Did he annoy you?” tanong ni Kaleigh. “Sorry, ’di ko alam na nandito pala si Dom.”

“It’s okay,” sagot ko dahil hindi ko rin naman siya pinansin.

“You sure? Epal kasi ’yan.”

“Hey, that’s slander!” malakas na sabi niya mula sa pwesto niya.

Umirap si Kaleigh. “Go away,” sabi niya tapos tumingin sa akin. “Sorry for him—he’s my cousin so I couldn’t just kick him out.”

I just shrugged because that’s none of my concern. Nag-usap na lang kami ni Kaleigh tungkol sa script ko. I quietly sat there as she continued reading tapos ay inirecord ko, with her consent, iyong critique niya para mapakinggan ko ulit kapag nag-eedit na ako.

“Paano ang gagawin ko roon?” tanong ko dahil sinabi niya na iyong highlight ng script ko, iyong sa kissing scene, ay kulang daw sa build up. I was already expecting this comment dahil pinaka-nahirapan ako rito. I tried to read scripts para maka-kuha ng inspiration, but I didn’t want to copy dahil magiging plagiarism iyon. I also couldn’t make it my own because… I didn’t know. It’s just harder to explain and to describe.

“Explain the…” sabi ni Kaleigh at saka pinagkrus iyong mga binti. “The build-up. Because this is the highlight. Ito iyong pinaka-hihintay, e. Parang ang patay kasi nung scene.”

Tumango ako. I agreed. I really appreciated her pointing out what was wrong and what was lacking.

“Paano ba i-describe iyong kissing scene?” I asked her. “May nagawa ka ba na ganon sa script? Pwede bang pabasa?”

Dominic snorted. Kanina pa siya nakikinig sa amin. Sabay kaming napa-tingin ni Kaleigh sa kanya.

“Sorry,” he said. “You don’t know how to describe a kissing scene? What the hell is Austin doing?”

Kumunot ang noo ko.

“God, ang pakielamero talaga,” sabi ni Kaleigh.

Tumayo si Dominic. Naagaw na naman ng fluffy slippers niya iyong atensyon ko. Naka-suot si Kaleigh nung kulay light blue. Nagka-palit kaya sila? Or iba lang talaga ang trip nilang dalawa? Because pink is usually associated with females… but then again, ano ba ang pakielam ko kung anuman ang gawin nila? ’Di naman ako nasasaktan sa pagsusuot niya ng kulay pink na tsinelas.

“I’m just curious. You’re Austin’s girlfriend, right?”

“Girl space friend,” sabi ko. Kasi kahit ang awkward kung biglang magpopost si Austin Archangel na hindi niya ako girlfriend ay may moral responsibility pa rin ako na itama ang mga tao. Sa akin din naman nagsimula iyong misunderstanding na ito.

“So… you’re not Austin’s girlfriend?”

“I am his girl space friend,” sagot ko.

Naupo siya doon sa isang bakanteng couch. “Interesting…” sabi niya. “So, do you want to know what happens when two people kiss? I can be pretty descrip—” sabi niya, pero hindi siya natapos sa sasabihin niya dahil bigla siyang hinampas ni Kaleigh ng unan at saka pinaalis sa sala kahit dito rin naman siya naka-tira.

---

Kahit na umalis naman na si Dominic ay umalis na rin kami ni Kaleigh sa townhouse. Naglakad kami pabalik sa school. Nagsorry siya sa pinsan niya, but I told her it’s no bother. I was actually curious sa sasabihin niya. I’d seen people kiss… on TV. Hindi ko pa nakikita sa personal. Would it feel different?

Pagbalik namin sa school ay naka-salubong namin si Austin Archangel. Pina-kilala ko siya kay Kaleigh. Naghi si Kaleigh sa kanya bago nag-excuse dahil biglang mayroong tumawag sa kanya.

“So… that was the mentor?” tanong ni Austin Archangel dahil naikwento ko na sa kanya si Kaleigh noon.

Tumango ako. “She’s really good.”

“How is the script?”

“Almost done with some revisions.”

“When can I read?”

“When I decide you can read it.”

Natawa siya. “Okay,” sabi niya. “What are you revising?”

“The kissing scene,” sagot ko at kumunot ang noo ko dahil biglang namula iyong tenga ni Austin Archangel. Nagpalit ako ng pwesto dahil baka sa angle lang iyon, pero kahit saan ako pumwesto ay namumula iyong tenga niya. “Are you okay?”

He cleared his throat. “Uh… yes.”

I nodded. I’d take his word for that. “Okay.”

“So… the…” Huminto siya ng 4 na segundo. “The kissing scene.”

I nodded. “Yes,” I replied, sighing because this was the crux of my non-existing writing career. What more if I’d describe a sex scene? Baka masiraan ako ng ulo kaka-isip.

“You can… watch movies or read books,” mahinang sabi niya.

“Already done those,” I replied. “But Dominic’s going to describe it to me.”

Agad na kumunot ang noo niya. “Dominic?”

I nodded. “Iyong nakita natin nung nasa court tayo? He said he’s from Brent and he’s part of the basketball team,” I said, relaying to him what I knew about Dominic so far. I wanted to add the fluffy slippers, but didn’t think that was pertinent.

“I know him…” sagot niya.

“Ah.”

“Why… would he describe—” he said, pausing and his brows furrowing, “…it to you?”

“It?” I asked.

He cleared his throat. “I mean… kissing.”

I nodded. “Because I can’t describe it properly,” I replied to him and then proceeded to tell him kung ano iyong sinabi ni Kaleigh sa akin. Bago ako matapos, lumapit sa akin si Kaleigh. Tapos na siguro iyong sa tawag niya.

“Hey, Karma,” sabi niya. “Sorry to bail but I have something urgent to attend to,” dugtong niya. Tumango ako. Hindi niya naman responsibility ako. “Maybe,” sabi niya at tumingin sa lalaking naka-tayo sa tabi ko. “Maybe Austin can help you with the kissing scene,” dugtong ni Kaleigh at kumindat sa akin bago umalis.

Tumingin ako kay Austin Archangel na naka-kunot ang noo. “Kaya mo ba akong tulungan sa kissing scenes?” tanong ko sa kanya. Kumunot ang noo ko sa iba-ibang ekspresyon sa mukha niya. It went from his brows furrowing to his eyes widening to this… bewildered look on his face. The only thing consistent was the reddening of his ears.

“Ayos ka lang ba?” I asked. I already asked him before to have himself checked—I didn’t want to be pushy kaya hindi ko na isa-suggest muli sa kanya iyon.

He nodded. “Yes,” he said, but he still looked… different from his usual self. “Uh…” Huminga siya nang malalim. “What… can I do to help?”

I shrugged. “Dominic volunteered to describe it to me,” sabi ko. “But if you’re not up for the task, it’s okay. I can just ask him—”

Agad siyang umiling. “No, I’ll do it.”

“Okay,” I replied because who was I to say no to help? I needed all the help I could get. “Would I ask or would you just describe?” I asked.

We were standing in the middle of the school grounds. Napansin ko na may mga kumu-kuha ng picture namin—dahil akala nila ay girlfriend ako ni Austin Archangel. I took a step back para naman maisip nila na hindi ako girlfriend talaga.

“Just—” sabi niya tapos ay natigilan siya nang tawagin ni Saint ang pangalan niya at ang pangalan ko.

“Mom called me looking for you,” sabi ni Saint. “You weren’t answering your phone.”

Tumingin ako kay Austin Archangel na nagpakawala ng malalim na hininga. “Oh, really? That’s urgent?”

“I don’t—”

“I better go home,” sabi ni Austin Archangel. “I will talk to you later,” sabi niya sa akin at saka mabilis na naglakad paalis.

Tumingin ako kay Saint na naka-kunot ang noo. “What’s up with him?” tanong niya habang naka-tingin kay Austin Archangel na mabilis na naglalakad palayo—he was walking faster than usual.

I shrugged. “Before you called us, he was about to describe to me how kissing works.”

Saint’s eyes widened. And he blinked in rapid succession. Nasa genes ba ng mga Gomez de Liaño ang pagkurap nang maraming beses? If it was, I shouldn’t be too worried about Austin Archangel because it’s in his blood.

“He was about to describe what?”

“Kissing,” I replied.

“Okay… but why?” he asked, his forehead in full crease and his brows furrowed.

“Because—” sabi ko pero bago pa man ako matapos ay bumalik si Austin Archangel at mabilis na hinatak iyong kapatid niya after niyang magsorry sa akin. Naiwan ako na naka-kunot ang noo habang pinapa-nood silang maglakad palayo.

**

This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). For those asking, you can use Gcash/Paypal/Paymaya/Any Virtual Card/Credit Card as a mode of payment for Patreon. For GCash, just request for your digital card via Gcash app.

Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Alam ko na wala namang responsibilidad si Austin Archangel sa akin kaya hindi ko siya tinanong muna tungkol doon sa description ng kissing scene… Kaso lang ay isang linggo na ang lumipas at kailangan ko na siyang maka-usap para ma-revise ko na iyong script ko at maipa-basa ko na ulit iyon kay Kaleigh.

bluethecat: hi. Busy ka ba?

austingdl: No, why?

bluethecat: about the kissing scenes

Agad kong nakita na na-seen niya iyong message. Naghintay ako ng reply dahil nakita ko na typing na siya kaya lang ay huminto iyon. Tapos ay naging typing ulit. Tapos ay muling huminto. Baka busy siya dahil sunud-sunod na rin ang laban ng team. Kaya hindi ko na rin siya maka-usap dahil mabilis siyang umaalis after ng training tapos kapag may game naman ay naiipit siya sa mga nagpapa-picture.

bluethecat: don’t worry about it. Good luck on the game.

Nag-exit na ako sa may conversation namin ni Austin Archangel sa Instagram. Hinanap ko sa Instagram si Dominic. Madali lang naman siyang makita dahil naka-tag iyong account niya sa mga pictures na pino-post nung official account ng basketball team ng Brent. Nagtataka ako dahil verified iyong account niya. After sleuthing, I found out that he was a child actor but not active anymore. But even though he’s not active anymore, may mga fans pa rin siya.

I followed him and messaged him.

bluethecat: hi. Is the offer still on the table?

Naghintay ako ng reply, pero wala akong natanggap. Nagtext ako kay Kaleigh para sabihin na sabihin niya kay Dominic na replyan ako Instagram, pero hindi siya nagreply agad. Kailangan ko na talaga ng sagot sa mga tanong ko. Isang linggo na ang nasayang ko.

Dahil naaalala ko na sinabi ni Austin Archangel na kakilala niya si Dominic, ay naisipan ko na magmessage sa kanya.

bluethecat: hi. Kilala mo ba si Dominic? Can you tell him that I messaged here in Instagram?

austingdl: I don’t have his number. Also, is this about the kissing scene?

bluethecat: yes.

austingdl: Okay.

austingdl: What do you want to know?

bluethecat: everything.

austingdl: Everything?

bluethecat: yes. How it feels before and what makes you decide to kiss the other person. What exactly happens. The movement of the hands and the lips. Do you breathe while kissing? What exactly happens? I’m very curious.

Excited akong mabasa iyong sagot ni Austin Archangel, pero na-seen niya ako at isang buong minuto ang lumipas at wala akong nakuhang sagot sa kanya. May sira ba ang Internet connection niya o talagang iniiwan niya ako sa seen?

bluethecat: if you’re busy right now, I’ll just send sa email mo iyong questions ko. I prepared a document. Send ko na lang sa email na nasa profile mo. I know I am asking for a favor, but if posible, within tonight. Thank you. Please advise kung hindi kaya.

I sent the document to his email. I was about to close the tab nang magfollow sa akin iyong account ni Dominic.

domiller: is this really you?

bluethecat: what do you mean?

domiller: you’re Karaminah Viel?

bluethecat: yes.

domiller: why the cat account?

bluethecat: because I have a cat.

domiller: lol okay but what’s up why have i been summoned?

bluethecat: you said tutulungan mo ako sa kissing scenes.

domiller: i remember saying that.

bluethecat: okay.

domiller: but what about it? Austin’s not helping you?

bluethecat: i think he’s busy. I already asked him, but another set of helping hand wouldn’t hurt.

domiller: what can i do for you?

bluethecat: i’ll send you a document and you can answer them.

domiller: i don’t like answering tests.

bluethecat: then how do you propose to help me?

domiller: idk we can do demo

domiller: haha jkjk

bluethecat: ano’ng demo? As in you’ll kiss someone in front of me?

That would actually be really helpful… I learned that watching movies and reading books are helpful, but still, nothing beats experiencing and witnessing things first hand. Mas magiging maganda iyong description ko kung makikita ko mismo ito in person.

austingdl: Can I ask for an extension?

bluethecat: no, it’s okay. Dominic’s already helping me.

austingdl: He is?

bluethecat: yes. He’s talking about doing a demonstration.

Naiwan na naman ako sa seen kaya lumipat ako doon sa conversation namin ni Dominic. Sabi niya sa akin na ayaw niya raw talagang magsagot sa document, but he’d answer any of my question in person. I agreed dahil hindi ko naman siya pwedeng pilitin sa gusto ko. I would just record his answer and would transcribe it myself kahit na ma-trabaho iyon.

We agreed to meet in Cafè Dominique in an hour. I took a bath and wore black leggings, puting t-shirt na abot sa gitna ng mga hita ko na may naka-sulat na silence na typography sa gitna, at puting sneakers. I also got my tote bag kung saan naka-lagay iyong laptop, cellphone, notebook, at pens ko. Nandoon din iyong ‘kit’ ko kung nasaan iyong mga alcohol, lysol, tissue, wipes, toilet seat cover, and mini medicine kit.

“May pasok ka ba ngayon?” tanong ni Kuya Robert dahil 4:09PM na. Walang game ngayon dahil kung meron ay kanina pa ako nasa school dapat.

“Wala. Makikipagkita ako kay Dominic.”

Napa-tingin si Kuya Robert kay Ate Gina na agad na lumapit sa aming dalawa.

“Sinasabi ko na nga ba! May bagong nagfollow sa ’yo. Ano ba ’yang account ni Blue, puro gwapo ang nagfo-follow!” sabi ni Ate Gina at saka tinignan nila iyong account ni Dominic na puro litrato lang naman niya. Tapos ay nagkwento si Ate Gina na napa-nood niya noon iyong palabas ni Dominic nung bata pa siya. I had to stop her after 5 minutes dahil male-late na ako. Ayokong ma-late dahil nakaka-bastos iyon sa oras ng imi-meet ko.

Habang nasa daan kami ay na-stuck kami sa traffic dahil mayroong ginagawang daan. I opened my Instagram and saw a message from Austin Archangel. And there was a missed video call there. And the last message was him asking for my permission because he’d ask for Coach Aldrin for my number.

My forehead creased, but an unregistered number was calling me. I really didn’t answer calls from unknown numbers so I just watched the call until it ended. And then I received a text saying that it was Austin Archangel. So, I answered the call.

“What’s so urgent?” I asked because I really preferred exchanging messages because that way, I would have the opportunity to gather my thoughts first.

“Where are you?” malayo na tanong niya sa tanong ko.

“On my way to school.”

“To meet Dominic?”

“Yes. In Cafè Dominique,” I said. Huh… That rhymed.

“Check your email. I already answered your survey. If you have any more question, I’ll answer them for you,” sabi niya.

“Oh. Okay. Thank you very much.”

I ended the call after thanking him. I checked the email and true to what he told, he answered my survey. Medyo napa-kunot lang ang noo ko nang makita ko na tatlo silang sumagot doon—may sagot si Psalm, Saint, at Austin Archangel.

After 9 minutes ay umandar na ulit iyong sasakyan. Ibinaba ako ni Kuya Robert doon. Sinabi niya na hihintayin niya na lang din ako kahit sinabi ko sa kanya na hindi ako sigurado kung hanggang anong oras ako doon.

Pagpasok ko ay nakita ko agad si Dominic na naka-upo doon sa may pinaka-dulo. Naka-suot siya ng black na running shorts, puting t-shit, naka-black na Gucci slides at mayroon siyang itim na medyas. Hawak-hawak niya rin iyong frappe niya habang naka-tingin lang siya sa cellphone niya na naka-patong sa lamesa at nagsscroll.

“Good afternoon,” pagbati ko.

Napa-tingin siya sa akin. “Good afternoon?” sagot niya. “So formal.”

“Can I sit?”

“Sure.”

Naupo ako sa harapan niya. Kapansin-pansin talaga iyong bouncy at black na buhok niya. Inilabas ko iyong cellphone ko para ipakita sa kanya na irerecord ko iyong usapan namin ngayon pero bago ko pa man masabi iyon ay napa-tingin ako sa likod ko nang may tumawag sa pangalan ko.

“Austin Archangel?” nagtataka na tanong ko dahil naka-tayo siya sa likuran ko. He looked like he came from some formal event dahil naka-suot siya ng black slacks, black shoes, at puting polo. Mukhang hinubad niya iyong coat at tie o tuxedo niya.

“I… was just around,” sabi niya.

“Okay,” sagot ko dahil hindi naman ako ang may-ari ng Café Dominique.

“Can I sit?”

Tumingin ako kay Dominic. “Can he join us?” tanong ko dahil originally ay kaming dalawa lang naman dito. I still needed to ask for his consent para sumama sa amin si Austin Archangel kahit ang pagkaka-alam ko ay magkaibigan naman silang dalawa.

“I can’t see why not,” naka-ngiting sagot ni Dominic.

Dahil naka-patong sa upuan sa tabi ko iyong tote bag ko kaya naman doon naupo si Austin Archangel sa tabi ni Dominic. Mukhang nahihirapan sila dahil pareho silang matangkad at mahaba ang legs. I pulled the table para magka-space silang dalawa.

I prepared my things, but I couldn’t help but overhear the murmurings of the high school students. I suddenly missed the law students dahil wala naman silang pakielam sa nangyayari sa paligid nila. I stood up to order at para na rin mabigyan sila ng chance na magpa-picture doon sa dalawa. I really felt weird kapag nagpapa-picture sila sa akin kahit pa ba sabihin na iniisip nila na ‘girlfriend’ ako ni Austin Archangel. Because even if that were true, I still didn’t like my picture taken and posted in public.

I normally don’t treat people because I value my money dahil hindi naman ako palaging binibigyan. But today, I was the one asking for a favor. I bought a iced chocolate drink for me, iced coffee for Austin Archangel, and got a slice of cake for Dominic dahil nung nasa townhouse ako ay nakita ko siyang kumain ng cake. I stayed there and waited for the order para magka-time pa sila. After that, bumalik na ako sa table kasama iyong pagkain at drinks.

“Thank you, Karaminah Viel,” sabi ni Dominic nang ibigay ko sa kanya iyong slice ng cake.

“You’re welcome,” sagot ko. Napa-tingin ako kay Austin Archangel na bahagyang naka-kunot ang noo. “Iba ba dapat ang inorder ko?” I asked because maybe that was presumptuous of me to order for him… napansin ko lang kasi na iyon ang palagi niyang order.

“No, it’s fine,” sabi niya. “Thank you.”

“I will buy you another,” I offered because it was my fault for deciding in behalf of him. I knew the feeling na mayroong ibang nagdedesisyon para sa iyo—I wouldn’t consciously do that to anyone.

Umiling siya. “No, this is fine,” sabi niya at bahagyang ngumiti.

“Okay,” I said, taking his word for it. Kinuha ko na iyong cellphone ko at binuksan iyong recorder nun. I looked at them both. “I will be recording this conversation,” I continued. “Is that okay?”

“Yes,” sagot ni Austin Archangel.

“Sure,” sagot ni Dominic.

“Okay,” I said. “To begin, let’s start with the why first. Why do you kiss someone?”

I looked at my them. There was a panic in Austin Archangel’s face and Dominic looked at him and he chuckled. Kumunot ang noo ko. Siguro dapat pinaghiwalay ko silang dalawa para hindi biased ang sagot nila.

“I’ll answer first,” sabi ni Dominic. “I have plenty of reasons—sometimes it’s because I like someone; sometimes it’s because the moment calls for it; sometimes on a dare; sometimes when I’m bored.”

I nodded and made some notes. I had 3 follow-up questions but I wanted to hear Austin Archangel’s answer first.

“Ikaw?” tanong ko sa kanya. “Why do you kiss someone?”

Austin Archangel pressed his lips together. His hands were on the table and his index finger on his right hand was gently tapping against the wooden table, as if it has a beat of its own. “I will kiss someone if I like that someone,” sagot niya.

I nodded. “You won’t kiss someone if you’re bored?”

Umiling siya. “No.”

“Aww,” sabi ni Dominic. “I feel like whore here.”

“No judgment on this table,” sabi ko kay Dominic dahil lahat naman ng isasagot niya ay magiging confidential—for research purposes lang talaga.

“Thanks, Karaminah Viel,” naka-ngiti na sabi ni Dominic.

I nodded at him. I continued with the follow-up questions. Mas seryoso ang mga sagot ni Austin Archangel pero mas diverse ang mga sagot ni Dominic. Nag-enjoy ako sa mga sagot nila lalo na ni Dominic dahil pwede itong maging material sa mga susunod kong script.

Hindi pa kami tapos pero nagpaalam si Dominic dahil kailangan niyang bumalik sa Brent dahil may training pa ata siya. Nagpasalamat ako at binilhan siya ng isang cookie. Nang maka-alis siya ay nagligpit na ako ng gamit ko. Paglabas namin ay kumunot ang noo ko nang hindi ko makita si Kuya Robert sa pwesto niya.

I was about to text Kuya Robert nang magsalita si Austin Archangel sa tabi ko.

“Kuya Robert told me to bring you home.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Bakit?”

He shrugged. “You can call to confirm.”

Umiling ako. His word’s good enough to me. At saka bakit naman siya magsisinungaling sa ganoong bagay.

It was already night time nang matapos iyong interview. 7:28PM na nang maka-pasok kami sa village namin. Austin Archangel pulled over in front of our house.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be of any more help,” sabi niya habang tina-tanggal ko iyong seatbelt ko.

“What do you mean?” I asked because I learned a lot today—especially kung paano huminga kapag mayroon kang hina-halikan at kung saan mo ilalagay iyong kamay mo. Dominic wasn’t lying—he could be very descriptive.

“Dominic was talking non-stop,” sabi niya.

I nodded. “It’s apparent that he’s very experienced,” I stated. No judgment, though—that’s his life to live. Hindi naman ako mamamatay sa mga ginagawa niya sa buhay niya.

Naka-hawak sa manibela iyong dalawang kamay niya. Naka-fold na sa gitna ng mga braso niya iyong polo niya. He was wearing a Rolex Cosmoraph Daytona—my dad has the same watch.

“Do you need help in anything else?” tanong niya.

“I think I have everything I needed,” I said. “But should I have any question, I will ask you,” I continued. “I think I will have a problem once I begin to describe the kissing scene. Dominic was very descriptive, but I feel like what he’s doing is… somewhat extreme,” I said. “Is it really possible to unhook the bra using one hand?” tanong ko dahil kahit ako na ilang taon nang naka-suot ng bra ay kailangan pa rin ng dalawang kamay.

“Yes,” sabi ni Austin Archangel.

“Really?” He nodded. “Can you show me how?” tanong ko dahil nung sinasabi ni Dominic talaga kanina ay inisip ko na isa siya sa mga ‘outliers.’

His forehead creased. His lips parted. “What?”

“I’m just curious,” sabi ko.

“You want me to… unhook your bra?”

I nodded. “You won’t see anything—naka-t-shirt pa rin naman ako,” I said, if that’s what he’s worried about. Makapal iyong tela ng t-shirt ko. I was very particular with the fabric of what I wear—ayoko nung mga madaling maghimulmol.

His lips were parted still.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to, I will just confirm with—” sabi ko, pero bago pa man ako matapos ay mabilis na inunbuckle ni Austin Archangel iyong seatbelt niya at saka lumapit sa akin. I held my breath because of how quick everything happened—how one second he was just unbuckling his seatbelt and then the next, his head was next to mine and his left hand was on my back.

“There,” he whispered and I felt that my bra was already unclasped. 

**

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Chapter 16

Chapter 16

“How did you do that?” I asked, amazed because of how quickly he unclasped my bra. “And can you please turn around?” sabi ko dahil ibabalik ko pa iyong pagkaka-hook ng bra ko. It was already dark, but for some reasons lost in me, nakita ko na namula iyong mukha ni Austin Archangel.

“Luck?”

“I don’t believe in luck,” I said as I clasped my bra. “I’m done,” I continued. “You’re good in basketball because you practiced and not because of luck. I will be good at writing not because of luck, but because I actively run after perfection.” I shrugged. “I just don’t believe in luck.”

He pressed his lips together, but there was a small smile on his face. It was very evident. “You think I’m good at basketball?”

I nodded. “You were the one who won the game last Wednesday,” I reminded him. Nagkaroon ng tie at last 2 minutes na lang iyong game—Austin Archangel made a 3point shot and stole the possession of the ball. I didn’t know why he was being dismissive of it—kulang na nga lang ay mahubaran siya nung lumabas kami ng dugout sa dami ng babae at lalaki na nagpa-picture sa kanya nung oras na ’yon.

“Right…” sabi niya.

“So, why were you good at unhooking bras?” tanong ko. “You practice?”

His eyes widened. “No.”

“So… luck?”

He nodded profusely. “Yes,” sabi niya. “I agree with everything you said, but at this… topic, it was pure luck.”

I nodded because there’s no reason to believe otherwise. Nagpasalamat at nagpaalam ako sa kanya bago bumaba ng sasakyan. Natanaw ko iyong security niya mula sa malayo. I would never get used to that—or maybe I would. After all, everything can be conditioned.

Pagpasok ko sa bahay ay agad na nakita ko sina Ate Gina at Kuya Robert.

“Hinatid ka ni Austin?” tanong ni Ate Gina.

I nodded. “Sabi ni Kuya Robert siya raw ang maghatid sa akin.”

Ate Gina grinned. “Pakilala mo sa parents mo para maka-punta dito sa bahay.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Bakit naman siya pupunta sa bahay?”

Ate Gina’s forehead creased, too. After 15 seconds, she looked at me. “Di ba may pusa siya? E ’di para maka-punta siya rito at may kalaro na ’yang si Blue.”

My lips parted. She’s right—para makapagmeet na sina Blue at Violet. I asked if my parents were already home, but sinabi sa akin na wala pa sila. I told Ate Gina na tawagin ako kapag nandito na sila para maipakilala ko na si Austin Archangel. Hindi kasi pwedeng pumunta sa bahay namin kapag hindi kilala ni Mama. Never pa akong nagpakilala ng kaibigan ko dahil wala naman akong kaibigan ng elementary at high school—they’re schoolmates, classmates but never really my friends.

This would be a first. But I should first ask Austin Archangel kung gusto niya bang pumunta rito sa bahay.

Pag-akyat ko ay naligo muna ako. After thoroughly cleaning myself, I wore my light pink pajamas and blow-dried my hair. While I was drying my hair, I went to read the document Austin Archangel sent me. My forehead creased because there were typos in the answer, so I edited as I read. Habang nag-eedit ako ay nagtext sa akin si Austin Archangel—I already saved his number.

‘Just checking if you got home.’

‘You literally dropped me in front of my house.’

‘Things can happen.’

‘You’re right,’ I replied. ‘I’m reading your answers.’

I saw him leave me on read. Ibinaba ko iyong cellphone ko at nagpa-tuloy sa pag-eedit. My forehead kept on creasing at Psalm’s answer because he didn’t look too serious with his answers… but who was I to assume? I heard things I never thought I’d heard today.

‘Do you want to go to our house?’ I asked when I remembered.

‘What?’ he replied after 19 seconds after he read my message.

’You can bring Violet here para makapaglaro sila ni Blue, ’ I said. Hindi kasi kami lumalabas sa village. At most, ang pinaka-gala lang ni Blue ay sa park ng village. I actually plan on bringing him to the beach nang may mapa-nood ako na video ng pusa na naglalakad sa dalampasigan, but I never actually got around it.

‘Please tell me in advance because I still have to ask for my parents’ permission,’ sabi ko bago ako bumaba para magdinner kasama ang pamilya ko—that’s one of the non-negotiables. Kung nasa bahay ako, dapat sumabay ako sa kanila kumain. Dinner lang naman kami nakukumpleto dahil kahit weekends ay busy sila sa trabaho nila. I completely understand—lawyer na sila kahit nung wala pa ako sa buhay nila.

I quietly ate with my parents. Papa asked me about my plans dahil papa-tapos na iyong semester. I told him about my plan to enroll in Creative Writing and that I was already almost done with my script. Papa asked if he could read and I said yes, but I still needed to finish it. Mas maraming magbabasa, mas maganda, para naman maraming magbigay ng feedback sa akin.

Pagbalik ko sa kwarto ay nagreply na si Austin Archangel at sinabi niya na okay daw. Muli akong bumaba. Nasa dining area pa sila Mama at Papa.

“Can my friend come over?” I asked.

Tumingin silang dalawa. “Friend?” Papa asked.

I nodded. “He’s from SCA, too. Player ng team.”

“Wait, sino sa team?” Papa asked since he still follows the collegiate basketball.

“Austin Archangel,” I replied.

His eyes widened a bit. “Kaibigan mo si Austin?” he asked and I nodded. Tumingin siya kay Mama. “Tignan mo nga naman… Kaibigan ng anak natin e apo ng presidente.”

Mama looked at me. “He’s your friend?” she asked.

I nodded. “Yes,” I said. I did not use the word boy friend anymore because that was causing unnecessary confusion. “Can he go here? Because he has a cat, too, and gusto ko na magkita sila ni Blue.”

Mama looked at me for 5 seconds before she nodded and gave me permission para papuntahin dito si Austin Archangel—but told me that we should only stay in the living area o sa garden and that we should be supervised at all times.

I thanked them before I went back to my room.

‘Pwede ka raw pumunta,’ I texted.

‘When?’

‘Anytime. Wala namang sinabi si Mama. As long as we stay in the living room or the garden,’ I said, relaying the message I just got.

Austin Archangel told me na pupunta siya sa Sunday afternoon dahil magsisimba pa raw sila at saka may Sunday brunch pa siya kasama ang pamilya niya.

Buong Saturday ay nagsulat lang ako. Dominic was bothering me, asking na gusto niyang mabasa iyong script ko, but I told him na kapag tapos na. At saka sinabi ko na kay Austin Archangel na siya ang unang makaka-basa ng script ko kaya after niya mabasa at saka ko lang ipapa-basa sa iba.

When Sunday came, bumaba na ako ng 8AM para sa breakfast ko. Lumapit ako sa cupboard para kumuha ng cereals—today, it’s Fruit Loops. I grabbed the bowl and poured the cereals and then the milk.

“No work today?” I asked nang makita ko si Papa. He was wearing a striped navy blue pajamas and white shirt.

“Meron,” sabi niya. “Don’t worry, aalis kami ng Mama mo before lunch.”

“Why would I worry?”

He shrugged as he grabbed a bowl for cereals, too. Kumain kami ni Papa. He talked about some recent events and I quietly listened because sometimes, they make up for good scenes in my script… albeit some revisions dahil hindi naman non-fiction ang sinu-sulat ko.

After 19 minutes, lumabas din si Mama. She ate rice and corned beef. Tahimik lang din siya na nakikinig sa kwento ni Papa, although sometimes, she would interject with her opinion and nauwi iyon sa pagtatalo kung kanino bang opinyon ang valid. While they were arguing, I quietly stood up and went to my room. I got Blue and fed him para good mood siya. After that, I continued writing my script. Napansin ko lang iyong oras nang magtext si Austin Archangel na on the way na raw siya.

I brought Blue with me sa ibaba. Inilabas ko iyong ibang mga laruan niya. I also prepared various snacks dahil hindi ko alam kung ano ang gusto ni Violet.

“Ano’ng gusto niyong snacks?” tanong ni Ate Gina.

“I don’t know. I will ask him pagdating.”

“Hindi ba maarte sa pagkain iyon?”

“I don’t know… why?”

“Aba, syempre, galing sa big time na pamilya,” she said. “Pwede kaya akong magtanong tungkol sa pamilya nila? Icoconfirm ko lang iyong mga chismis.”

I shrugged. “You should try,” sabi ko dahil hindi ko naman pagmamay-ari si Austin Archangel para sabihin kung anong sagot ang pwede niyang sagutin.

Blue was being his usual self—he was minding his own business and just walking around the house. I stood up when Austin Archangel texted na nasa labas na raw siya.

“Hi,” I said when I saw him holding a cat carrier. I opened the gate for him. He was wearing a light brown khaki pants, white polo shirt, white sneakers, and a Patek Philippe 6301P—my dad has the same watch. They should talk about that.

“Are your parents there?” he asked.

“No, they left for work,” I replied. “Ate Gina asked kung may gusto ka bang meryenda?”

“Anything,” sabi niya.

“You don’t have anything particular in mind? Para hindi siya mahirapan.”

“Juice?” sabi niya. “Orange juice.”

“Cake?”

“No,” sagot niya. “Orange juice would be enough. I’m still full from brunch.”

Pagpasok namin sa loob ay naka-abang na agad sa amin si Blue.

“Be nice,” I told him. Tumingin ako kay Austin Archangel. “Don’t worry—complete vaccine naman si Blue.”

Austin Archangel put the carrier down at binuksan iyon. Violet did not immediately go out. I watched as Blue approached the carrier. Blue and Violet stared at each other bago lumabas si Violet doon at saka sabay silang naglakad palayo.

“I’m sorry for that,” sabi ko dahil wala talagang manners si Blue at iniwan kami dito.

Austin Archangel smiled. “No, that’s fine,” sabi niya.

We were standing in the middle of the living room when Ate Gina approached. She was looking at Austin Archangel like he was one of those actors she watches on TV.

“Ano’ng height mo?” tanong ni Ate Gina.

“6’5 po,” sagot ni Austin Archangel.

Ate Gina continued asking question. Hindi niya dala iyong meryenda kaya naman ako na iyong pumunta sa kusina para kumuha ng orange juice. I got 3 oranges from the fruit bowl and the juicer.

“Dun kayo sa garden,” sabi bigla ni Kuya Robert. “Makulimlim saka ’di mainit. Dalhin na lang ’yang juice niyo.”

“Okay,” sabi ko at saka bumalik ako sa living room at nakita ko na nagseselfie si Ate Gina at si Austin Archangel. “Gusto mo sa garden?” I asked him. “Baka nandun iyong dalawa.”

Austin Archangel nodded and then smiled at Ate Gina bago sumunod sa akin papunta sa garden. We have a garden at home—hindi ito originally kasama sa bahay namin, but when I was 11 years old, binili nila Mama iyong bakanteng lote sa tabi namin. They said that they’re very stressed in their work at gusto nila ng garden kung saan sila makakapagrelax. So, we have a 250sqm garden attached to our house. Meron din iyong 6x14feet na pool na wala namang naliligo. I refused to swim there.

“Ayun sila,” sabi ko sabay turo kina Blue at Violet na magka-harap habang naka-tayo sa ilalim nung pine tree.

“They seem to be getting along.”

“I think so, too.”

“So… how was the script?” tanong niya.

“98% done.”

He nodded. “The—” he asked and then stopped. And then he cleared his throat. “The answers helped?”

I nodded. “Definitely,” I said. “Although in the final scene I’m writing, the characters trespassed. Nang dumating iyong mga may-ari ng bahay ay nagtago sila. Pumunta sila sa pool, and because of lack of better judgment on their part, part of the plot, they jumped in the pool. I asked Dominic—”

“Why him?”

“Because he’s experienced,” I replied. “Anyway, I asked him how kissing under water works, but he said na hindi pa raw niya nagagawa iyon, but that would go to his bucket list.”

Dumating si Ate Gina at binigay sa amin iyong orange juice and for some reason, told us na sa guest house lang daw sila ni Kuya Robert at puntahan na lang sila o itext kung may kailangan. Nang tumingin ako kay Austin Archangel ay namumula ang tenga niya.

“Okay ka lang ba?” tanong ko. He nodded while drinking his orange juice na naubos agad. “Do you want mine?” tanong ko dahil hindi ko pa naman naiinom iyong sa akin at mukhang uhaw na uhaw siya, but he shook his head.

“Anyway, after I figure out that under the water kiss, matatapos na talaga ako sa script and I’ll let you read it.”

He tapped his fingers against the wooden table. There seemed to be a beat to it. I was watching his fingers drum against the table. He has pretty fingers and clean nails.

“By figure out you mean?”

“Watch movies or demo like Dominic was talking about,” I said. Dominic’s very generous when it came to demonstration. Sinabi niya na madali lang namang humanap ng makaka-partner niya kung gusto ko talagang malaman. But he couldn’t do it this weekend dahil may training sila. This Friday na iyong first game ng Brent at SCA kaya rin mas pagod ako ngayong linggo dahil ito iyong pinaka-inaabangan na laro, as per Serj.

“Demo?”

I nodded. “Yes, he offered.”

I saw him taking a deep breath. “There’s a pool. And I’m here. Let’s… do that demo,” he said while his forehead was creased and he was sweating kahit na hindi naman masyadong mainit. “If you want,” he continued. 

**

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Chapter 17

Chapter 17

I looked around to see if there’s anyone na pwedeng maka-partner ni Austin Archangel para sa demo na ito, pero walang tao. Ang tanging babae lang dito ay si Ate Gina, and I highly doubted na papayag si Kuya Robert na maging partner siya ni Austin Archangel. Sabi ni Kuya Robert na kapag kasal na raw kayo, dapat wala ng ibang lalaki pa.

And it made a lot of sense—marriage is essentially a contract and contracts are binding. I didn’t see the sense of breaking an existing contract because why would you go into that contract only to break it later on? It doesn’t make any sense.

“Maybe next time,” I said dahil wala namang pwedeng tumulong sa kanila.

“You’ll still do the demo with Dominic?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yes.”

He was silent. Tumayo ako para puntahan si Violet at Blue. Mukhang magka-sundo naman silang dalawa. This was better than expected—akala ko ay mag-aaway silang dalawa. Blue was never the accommodating type—gusto ko pa sana ng isa pang pusa, but I was afraid that Blue wouldn’t like it dahil iyong mga pusa sa village ay inaaway niya.

Maybe it was incorrect judgment on my part na papuntahin dito si Blue while fully knowing na hindi siya friendly.

I turned around to apologize to Austin Archangel for potentially putting Violet into a compromising situation.

“Karaminah Viel,” he called my name.

“Austin Archangel,” I mimicked.

Tumayo siya at saka lumapit sa akin. We were standing in the middle of the garden. Kuya Robert was right—maganda ang panahon ngayon. Hindi masyadong mainit at hindi masyadong maaraw. I better check the weather report dahil mukhang nakita ko na ang perfect weather condition ko.

“Are you really going to ask Dom for a demo?”

I nodded. “He volunteered.”

“I am volunteering, too.”

“Okay,” I said. “Then the more, the merrier,” I replied. Mas maraming demo, mas marami akong magiging basis. Hopefully, mas maintindihan ko na iyong romance. Sabi sa akin ni Kaleigh, pinaka-mabenta pa rin daw ang industry ng romance. So, if I wanted to make it big, I needed to learn more about this thing called ‘romance.’

Huminga siya nang malalim kaya naman napa-kunot ang noo ko. What warranted such a reaction? I knew that I couldn’t really understand people’s reaction to things, but I study so that I wouldn’t be that clueless and helpless. My parents always told me that the world wouldn’t adjust for me, so I should not feel sorry for myself and instead, do things to help me. The therapy I went to when I was younger was paying off. I think I was doing a lot better already—I already have friends.

“Are you okay?” tanong ko sa kanya.

“No, not really,” he replied.

“Why?”

Hindi siya nagsalita.

He seemed like he’s having a hard time, so I just stood there and waited for him to speak. I just silently counted inside my head to give him time to gather his thoughts—that’s what I would want to kung ako naman ang nag-iisip.

“Do you really need Dom’s input?” he asked. “Can’t my input be enough?”

“Your input is invaluable as well as Dominic’s,” I replied. “You both present different data.”

Austin Archangel’s more on the reserved type… Kung gagamitin iyong mga napa-nood ko, siya iyong bida na boy next door. Kung si Dominic naman, siya iyong bida na malandi—or experienced for a more politically correct term.

Both works.

I needed both for my research.

“Okay,” he said in a weaker voice. Tumingin siya sa relo niya. And then looked at me again and smiled. “I have to go somewhere.”

Tumango ako.

Kinuha niya si Violet. Naglakad kami pabalik doon sa loob. Ibinalik niya si Violet sa carrier. Kinuha ko iyong snacks para kay Violet na hinanda ko at inilagay iyon sa zip bag at iniabot kay Austin Archangel.

“Thank you for visiting,” I told them both.

Austin Archangel nodded. “Please tell Ate Gina and Kuya Robert I said thanks,” sabi niya bago naglakad palabas. I accompanied them to the gate at pina-nood hanggang sa maka-pasok sila sa loob.

Pagpasok ko sa loob ay kinuha ko si Blue at ibinalik sa loob ng bahay. There were instances before na tuma-talon siya sa pool—okay sana kung marunong siyang lumangoy, pero hindi naman.

I went back to my room and took a half-bath and then proceeded to writing again.

---

The next few days were stressful dahil malapit na iyong laban sa Brent at sobrang higpit ni Coach Aldrin. He was already a perfectionist, but he was asking for more than perfection at this point. He kept on talking about Dominic and I didn’t know he was that good para siya ang maging bida sa mga training namin.

“What’s up?” tanong ni Saint nang maupo siya sa tabi ko.

“Nothing much,” I replied.

“So, you’re friends with Dom?” tanong niya.

“No,” I said.

He laughed. “I don’t know when I’ll be used to you being so straightforward,” he said.

I shrugged. “I don’t see the point of beating around the bush.”

He nodded. “Point taken,” he said. “So… Dom’s basically nothing to you?” tanong niya.

“Not really nothing,” sagot ko. “He’s helping me with my script.”

Saint nodded. “Yeah… the one we answered,” sabi niya sa akin.

I nodded. “Yes,” sagot ko. “Hindi ba magagalit iyong girlfriend mo?” I asked.

“Why?”

“Because you were pretty descriptive in your answer,” sabi ko sa kanya. 

“Hey, I thought the answers were confidential!”

“It is.”

“No problem, then,” sabi niya. “But please don’t let anybody read it—Mary will kill me.”

“You shouldn’t have answered, then.”

“Austin was basically begging me.”

“Why?”

Saint shrugged. “Don’t know,” sabi niya. “So, back to Dominic. Don’t you have anyone else to ask for help? I mean, if you want someone experienced, you should talk to Psalm.”

“Isn’t he a graduate already?”

He nodded. “Yes, but he’s got lots of time.”

“Is he unemployed?”

Saint chuckled. “Not really… I think.”

“Can you give me his contact details?” I asked dahil baka mas magandang kausapin si Psalm.

Saint gave me Psalm’s contact information bago siya tinawag pabalik ng court. Nang tumingin ako roon ay nagtama ang mga mata namin ni Austin Archangel. He quickly averred his gaze back to the game and I focused my attention to writing the game statistics.

Came Friday, maaga akong nagising kahit na mamaya pa namang 12NN iyong requirement sa akin. Nasanay na ako sa paggising nang maaga. I just went downstairs and got myself a cup of coffee and went back to my room. I was already done writing the under the water kiss scene—dadagdagan at ipa-polish ko na lang after ng meeting namin ni Dominic sa Saturday. Pero depende pa raw iyong meeting namin sa mangyayari ngayong Friday dahil kapag natalo daw sila, may training pa sila sa Saturday.

I was torn.

Gusto ko na magkita kami ni Dominic sa Saturday, but also, it felt like betrayal to root for my own team to lose.

Nang dumating ako sa court ay saktong 12NN. Nandoon na iyong buong team. Seryoso iyong mukha nila kumpara sa dati na nakakapagjoke pa sila. Mukhang mabigat nga na kalaban talaga ang Brent.

Coach Aldrin gave them a couple of reminders—mostly to rest easy on the fouls lalo na si Saint dahil siya iyong pinaka-magaling gumawa ng points para sa team.

“Nag-aaway ba kayo ni Austin?” Serj asked while we were on the shuttle.

“Bakit naman kami mag-aaway?”

“Di ko alam,” sagot niya. “Usually kasi nag-uusap kayo. ’Di kayo nag-uusap simula nung Monday.”

“Hindi naman kami required na mag-usap.”

Natawa si Serj. “Sabagay,” sabi niya. “Kamusta script?” he asked and then I proceeded to tell him about the changes in my script. Sayang nga lang at hindi ako natapos dahil dumating na kami sa venue.

Maingay iyong mga tao. May pila na agad. May mga nanonood naman sa dating laban, pero iba ngayon. I couldn’t count them all, but by estimate, the number probably tripled today. Mukhang seryoso nga iyong laban na ’to kahit na unang laban pa lang naman ng Brent at SCA.

I sighed.

Kanino ako magchi-cheer?

But why was I even thinking about that? Hindi naman ako nagchi-cheer. I just sit there and watch them quietly—sometimes, I’d have mini-heart attacks kapag mayroong player na naka-upo sa tabi ko at biglang sisigaw. I asked them again and again not to do that, but they never listen.

Pagpasok namin sa loob ay nagtrabaho na ako. The players began their warm up exercise and then their warm-up game. Inayos ko lang iyong mga inumin pati na iyong clipboard ko. I quietly sat there and watched them play. They’re wearing the maroon jersey dahil kulay puti iyong suot ng Brent ngayon.

While the warm-up was ongoing, may bolang huminto sa harapan ko. I refused to pick that up kaya naman nakita ko na najog si Dominic papunta sa akin.

“Couldn’t be nice enough to throw the ball back?” tanong niya nang kunin iyong bola.

I shook my head. “Hindi ako assistant ng team niyo.”

Tumawa siya. “Lipat ka na lang ng Brent—you’re not yet enrolled, right?”

“Mas maganda iyong Creative Writing program ng SCA,” I said.

“How can you say? Did you research?” tanong ni Dominic. Natigilan ako. “See? You’re not yet sure.”

“I will research.”

“Do that,” he said, grinning. “And if you need help, I’ll hook you up with the team.”

I was about to say thank you for the nice offer, but Saint walked towards us and basically told Dominic to go back to his side of the court tapos ay humingi sa akin ng Gatorade kahit naka-bukas naman iyong lalagyan. Totoo talaga iyong sinabi ni Coach Aldrin na tamad ang mga players niya.

“You should give Austin a drink,” sabi ni Saint sa akin. “Kanina pa hindi umiinom ’yan.”

“He can ask for a drink kapag uhaw na siya,” I replied.

Saint laughed and shook his head. “I see… but do me a favor and call him then hand him a Gatorade.”

That was a weird request, but I did as he ask. Tinawag ko si Austin Archangel at saka inabutan ko ng Gatorade. He said thanks tapos ay naglakad papunta sa may dugout.

“Okay na?” tanong ko kay Saint.

He laughed. “Yeah…”

It was already 4PM nang magsimula ang game. They advertised the game at 3:30PM tapos ay hindi naman nagsimula agad. People should really be honest with their advertisement.

Tinawag na iyong first five mula sa bawat team. Nasa gitna si Austin Archangel at si Dominic para sa possession ng bole. The ball was tossed in the air and both players jumped. Pero bago pa man may mapuntahan ang bola ay pumito na agad ang referee.

“de Liaño, number 6, personal foul.”

Halos mabingi ako sa sigawan ng mga tao. There was a mixture of booing and shouting. Pina-nood ng mga mata ko si Saint na binulungan si Austin Archangel, who nodded at whatever his brother said. I looked at Dominic and he was grinning while wiping the side of his lips na mukhang natamaan kanina. It was probably bleeding dahil nasiko siya ni Austin Archangel. May band aid kaya iyong team nila?

The game resumed again. Nakuha ni Saint iyong bola at mabilis siyang pumunta sa side ng SCA. The clock was at 9 seconds nang maka-shoot si Austin Archangel mula sa 3 point line. I clapped because it was impressive. I tried playing basketball out of curiosity, but I decided that it really wasn’t for me because I wasn’t coordinated enough to run and dribble at the same time. And the ball was heavy for me to throw it in the air. Mukha lang madali magshoot, but that was because the guys make it look easy.

The game continued and I watched Dominic because I wanted to know if the rumors are true—kung magaling ba talaga siya… But so far, hindi pa siya nakaka-shoot dahil naka-dikit si Saint sa kanya palagi. Mabilis na naka-lamang ang team namin dahil panay ang pagshoot ni Austin Archangel ng 3 points.

When the first half ended, bumalik kami sa dugout. Hindi ako pumasok sa loob dahil maghuhubad lang naman sila. I just stayed outside, but not really outside dahil iniiwasan ko iyong mga nagpapa-picture sa akin—I refused to perpetuate the fake news.

Nang maka-balik na kami sa court ay nagpalit na sila ng side. Nasa side na namin iyong Brent. Lumapit sa akin si Dominic.

“Looks like we won’t meet tomorrow,” Dominic said.

I shrugged. “Nothing I can do with your team losing.”

Humalakhak siya. “Right,” sabi niya. He was wearing a white jersey with number 14 and color blue basketball shoes. Mayroon ding kulay white na headband sa ulo niya at blue na Kinesio tape sa kaliwang braso niya.

“Karaminah Viel,” sabi niya.

“What?” I replied.

“I’ll whisper a secret,” sabi niya. “I’ll lean in, okay?” he asked and I nodded. Hindi naman na siya pawis and it’s okay to get near me as long as permission will be asked—ayoko lang na bigla akong lalapitan o hahawakan.

I waited for the secret that he’d whisper, but he only told me that he wanted me to cheer for him kapag naka-shoot siya. I nodded, although that was a weird request on his part dahil hindi naman ako sa team nila.

Nang maglakad siya pabalik sa court ay nakita ko na naka-tingin silang dalawa ni Austin Archangel sa isa’t-isa bago hinila ni Saint iyong kapatid niya palapit doon sa free throw line. 

**

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Best app to use, Paymaya for Patreon.

Chapter 18

Chapter 18

The game resumed. I did not know much about basketball, but I knew some things… Napansin ko na nagbago na iyong play ng Brent. Kung kanina ay naka-dikit si Saint kay Dominic, ngayon ay mayroong isang player ang laging naka-dikit kay Saint. The player was a fast runner kaya kahit saan pang panig ng court pumunta si Saint ay nadidikitan niya.

I clapped when Dominic got the ball in the ring. Napa-tingin sa akin si Serj.

“Di natin point ’yun,” he said.

“I know,” I replied. “He asked me to cheer for him.”

Serj’s lips parted. “Seriously? Sira talaga ’yan.”

“Sira saan?”

He shrugged. “Malakas trip niyan si Dom—’wag mo seryosohin lahat ng sinasabi niya.” I nodded. I would just verify twice with him bago ako maniwala sa mga sinasabi niya.

The game continued at unti-unting bumababa iyong lamang ng SCA sa Brent dahil nakaka-shoot na si Dominic simula nung mawala si Saint bilang bantay niya. Although hindi naman mabilis maka-sunod dahil nakaka-puntos pa rin sila Phil at Austin Archangel.

When Coach called for a timeout, lumayo ako dahil sa lakas ng boses niya. The players were seriously listening to every word that came out of his mouth. This was just the first game with Brent, but it already felt like championship… Paano pa kaya kapag sa championship na? Based on the performance of the team, and taking into consideration the previous years, mukhang Brent at SCA na naman ang maglalaban doon. Ang pinagka-iba lang ay nasa Brent na si Dominic na sabi ni Serj ay galing daw sa USA pero lumipat lang sa Pilipinas. Kaya pala Miller ang last name niya—he’s probably half-American.

Nang matapos iyong timeout ay bumalik na sila sa gitna ng court. Naupo si Saint sa tabi ko.

“Mamaya ka pa papasok?” I asked although I already knew the answer. Hindi naman daw kasi robot si Saint na pwedeng maglaro buong game. Kahit siya iyong pinaka-magaling sa team, syempre kailangan pa rin niyang magpa-hinga. At saka hindi naman pwede sa team na isa lang ang magaling—mas importante iyong ‘harmony’ ng buong team. Kaya isa sa mga rule ni Coach na walang mag-aaway sa team kasi nakaka-apekto sa laro nila.

“Hey, Karma,” sabi niya sa akin. Tumingin ako sa kanya. “Do me a favor? Since I answered your survey.”

“Okay,” I replied kahit na iyong kapatid niya naman ang nagpa-sagot sa kanya nun.

“Wear this,” sabi niya sabay abot sa akin ng varsity jacket. Tinignan ko iyong naka-sulat sa likod. It was Austin Archangel’s number. “You owe me.”

“Baka magalit si Austin Archangel,” I said.

“He’ll be fine,” sabi niya. “And he really lets you call him Archangel?”

I nodded. “It’s his name.”

Saint laughed. “Right…” he answered. “Just wear the jacket,” sabi niya. I didn’t understand exactly why, pero nilalamig din naman ako kaya isinuot ko na rin iyong jacket.

Nang nasa side na namin iyong laro, nagfoul si Cohen kaya naman nagready sila para sa free throw.

“Aus!” sigaw ni Saint. Napa-tingin sa gawi namin si Austin Archangel. He sometimes calls him Aus or Arch— minsan lang iyong Arch kasi napansin ko na hindi suma-sagot si Austin Archangel sa tawag na iyon. Kahit naman ako—kaya hindi ako suma-sagot sa Karms ni Jed.

Unang napa-tingin si Austin Archangel kay Saint tapos ay napunta iyong tingin niya sa akin. Bahagyang kumunot ang noo niya. Napa-tingin siya sa jacket na suot ko. I widened my eyes and mouthed if he wanted me to take the jacket off kasi minsan ay sinu-suot niya ito after ng game. I was about to take the jacket off, but he quickly shook his head.

“Hey, back to the game!” sabi ni Saint. Austin Archangel chuckled as he shook his head. Ibinalik niya iyong atensyon niya sa laro. The last free throw did not enter the ring—Austin Archangel was quick to steal the ball and then nagfastbreak papunta sa kabilang side ng court. It all happened so fast. He passed the ball to Cohen tapos nang nasa ilalim na mismo ng ring si Austin Archangel ay ipinasa sa kanya ni Cohen iyong bola and he dunked it.

The whole arena went wild with that dunk. Halos atakihin ako sa puso sa lakas ng pagsigaw ng katabi ko. I clapped because he was impressive.

---

After Austin Archangel’s dunk, the ‘feel’ of the game changed. Napansin ko kasi na ganoon—kapag naapektuhan iyong morale ng team, naaapektuhan din iyong game nila. Kaya kanina na sobrang lakas ng cheer, mas gumanda iyong laro ng team. Sa last 3 minutes na lang ipinasok si Saint para ma-maintain iyong lamang na 8 points dahil baka maka-habol dahil magaling din si Dominic lalo na sa jump shots.

Nang matapos iyong laro ay nagkamay iyong mga players. It’s weird watching these games… Kapag sa loob ng court ay parang magkaka-away sila, but once the game ends, magkakaibigan pa iyong mga players. Minsan nakikita ko sa labas ng school sila Jed at Saint na may mga kaibigan galing Brent at ibang school. Sabi nila kasi daw kapag may mga off season leagues, sila-sila lang din naman magkasama at magkaka-team. Besides, game lang naman daw at walang personalan—it was actually quite nice.

Because our team won, mas matagal iyong naging picture taking sa labas. I was just quietly waiting for it to be over.

“Nice game,” I said when I saw Dominic. Kaka-labas niya lang. He was wearing a black Adidas shirt, black jersey shorts, and his Gucci slides. He was also wearing a black plastic headband kaya kitang-kita ko iyong noo niya. Hindi naman malaki.

“Congrats to your team,” sabi niya. “Bawi ako sa next game.”

I nodded. “Sure,” I replied. “Hindi tayo magkikita bukas?”

“Nah… I have training the whole day.”

“Okay,” I said. Napa-tingin ako dahil narinig ko iyong pangalan ko mula sa isang group ng mga babae. Pero napa-tingin ako kay Dominic nang guluhin niya iyong buhok ko. I frowned at him. “Don’t do that.”

Humalakhak siya. “Sorry, couldn’t help it. Maybe send me a list of things I couldn’t do?” sabi niya.

“Why?”

He shrugged. “Might be useful,” sabi niya. “Also, you might want to clarify that you’re not Austin’s girlfriend—I have a feeling it will cause you problems in the future. And you’re even wearing his jacket.”

I just nodded although I was already thinking about it. Nagpaalam si Dominic pero hindi rin naman siya naka-alis agad dahil naharang siya ng maraming babae na nagpa-picture sa kanya. He was all smiles—baka sanay na rin dahil dati siyang child actor.

Nang lumabas si Austin Archangel ay akala mo may artista na lumabas dahil nagkumpulan doon iyong mga babae. Sabagay… siya iyong nagpanalo ng laban ngayon, lalo na kung number ng points ang pagbabasehan. But still, it’s teamwork.

Pagsakay namin sa shuttle, ang ingay dahil masaya ang lahat sa pagka-panalo. Tahimik lang ako hanggang sa maka-balik kami sa school.

I did my work. Nang matapos ako, naabutan ko si Austin Archangel sa labas na may kausap pa. Nang matapos siya doon ay napa-tingin siya sa gawi ko. I already had his jacket folded. Ibabalik ko sa kanya.

“Congrats sa game,” sabi ko habang inaabot sa kanya iyong jacket.

“Thanks,” he replied.

“Saint made me wear it.”

“I know.”

Tumingin ako sa kanya. After 5 seconds, I decided na wala na siyang sasabihin pa sa akin kaya nagpaalam na ako dahil uuwi pa ako dahil gabi na. Hindi naman ako pinapa-galitan nila Mama kapag hindi ako nakaka-sama sa dinner kapag may laban. Alam naman nila na kung may choice ako, hindi ako pupunta sa game.

“Hey,” pagtawag niya sa akin.

“Yes?”

“I’m hungry.”

“Okay.”

“I mean… are you hungry? Do you want to have dinner somewhere?” tanong niya sa akin. I looked at my watch. It was already 8PM. Sigurado ako na naka-kain na sila Mama ngayon. I was okay with eating alone, but I prefer eating with someone dahil siguro nasanay ako na kasabay ko sila Mama kapag dinner. Kahit saang bagay naman pwede kang masanay kapag constant na nangyayari sa buhay mo.

“I am hungry,” I said.

“What do you want to eat?”

“Anything under one thousand,” I said dahil iyon na lang ang natitira sa allowance ko.

“My treat,” he replied.

“Why? Birthday mo ba?”

He chuckled. “No… but we won, so my treat?”

“Hindi mo naman ako nilibre nung nanalo kayo dati.”

“You’re right… so I owe you what? 6 dinners?”

I shrugged. “If you want,” I said because who was I to decline free dinner? That way, I could use my allowance to buy notebooks and pens—and I was actually planning on joining another workshop and that would require money.

We went to Austin Archangel’s Audi SUV.

“I can unhook my bra with one hand,” I said. “I practiced—possible pala talaga.”

Natigilan si Austin Archangel sa pagsusuot ng seatbelt niya. “Uh… good for you.”

“Now, the only problem’s the underwater kiss.”

Napa-hugot siya ng malalim na hininga. “Is it really necessary for the plot?”

I nodded. “That’s the climax of the story.”

Tumahimik si Austin Archangel.

“Hindi pa ba tayo aalis?”

“Tell your parents first that you’re with me. Tell them I’ll bring you home before—what’s your curfew?”

I shrugged. “I’m usually home by 8PM,” sabi ko sa kanya. I texted Mama para sabihin na kasama ko si Austin Archangel. But after that, she called. I really did not answer calls, but I answer my parents’ call. Hindi naman sila tuma-tawag talaga kaya kapag tumawag sila, sina-sagot ko dahil importante.

“Bakit po?” I asked.

“Give the phone to him,” sabi ni Mama kaya naman ibinigay ko kay Austin Archangel iyong cellphone. I just looked outside to give them privacy, but I mostly just heard Austin Archangel saying yes to everything my mom said.

Nang matapos iyong tawag ay iniabot sa akin ni Austin Archangel iyong cellphone. I saw that the call already ended.

“I’ll bring you home by 11,” sabi niya.

“Really?”

“Yes,” sabi niya. “So, where do you want to eat?”

Hindi kami umalis sa parking lot ng school hanggang hindi kami nakakapagdesisyon kung saan kakain. After 34 minutes, we settled on going to Cyma. Dito kami kumain dati nung pumunta kami sa award ceremony para kay Mama. I already knew what I’d order.

“Do you have any recommendation?” he asked.

“I don’t know what you like,” I replied.

“Maybe I’ll like what you recommend.”

Umiling ako. “I don’t want to be responsible for that. Baka hindi mo magustuhan,” I said. “Just ask for the best seller—that’s what I do kapag hindi ko alam kung ano ang gusto ko.”

I ordered my usual—the lamb chops and bottled water. Austin Archangel ordered the giant shrimp and bottled water, too.

“What?” I asked when I saw him staring at me.

“Nothing,” he replied.

We remained silent after that. Austin Archangel also ordered hummus and pita for us kaya naman kinain namin iyon habang naghihintay. And then our food came. I excused myself to go to the restroom. Inilagay ko iyong toilet seat cover and then sprayed alcohol on the faucet handle before I washed my hand thoroughly and then sprayed alcohol again.

“Let’s eat,” I said but even before I could begin eating, I saw Austin Archangel making a sign of the cross. “You’re really religious,” I stated.

He shrugged. “I grew up going to the church.”

“My family doesn’t go to the church,” I said. “The last time we went there, my mom just got mad dahil sa homily nung priest.”

Austin Archangel nodded. “It’s okay—to each his own.”

I nodded. “You’re right,” I replied. That’s always been my belief—that as long as you’re not hurting anyone with whatever you’re doing, you’re good.

“I believe in God and some people don’t and it’s okay. It all boils down to respecting one’s belief,” sabi niya.

“I’m conflicted,” I said. “If I look at it in the scientific perspective, I would not believe in God since there’s a scientific reason for everything… but also, I believe that the universe is vast and there’s a lot of things we don’t know about,” I continued, shrugging. “I’m open to all possibilities.”

There was a small smile on his face. “You’re not required to be religious.”

“I know… but sometimes, it’s nice to believe in some all-knowing God up in the sky,” I said because sometimes, it really does feel nice. Lalo na kapag walang nangyayari na naaayon sa plano mo. There’s a… solace in thinking that everything is already all planned out. Na kahit ano ang mangyari ngayon, it’s just a part of a big plan.

But I only think about that sometimes.

I’d like to believe that I control my own life.

---

It was only 10PM nang maka-balik kami sa subdivision. Austin Archangel pulled over in front of the house. Kumunot ang noo ko nang bumaba rin siya sa sasakyan.

“Your mom told me to walk you in,” sabi niya.

I shrugged because that was between them. Pumasok na ako sa loob ng bahay. Nandoon sina Mama at Papa sa living room at nag-aabang sa amin. No one usually stays there unless may bisita. Either nasa dining room o sa garden. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sense ng mga couch.

“Good evening po,” Austin Archangel greeted.

“Karma, ask Ate Gina na ipagtimpla kami ng kape,” Mama said. Dumiretso ako sa kusina para hanapin si Ate Gina. Nakita ko siya roon na nanonood ng teleserye.

“Pa-timpla raw po ng kape,” I said.

“Mama at Papa mo?”

“I think pati si Austin Archangel,” I said kasi kasama si Austin Archangel doon.

“Nandito?” Ate Gina asked, her eyes widening as she began to put water in the kettle. “Nako, patay…”

“Bakit po?”

“Ay, basta.”

“Ano’ng basta?”

“Ayokong makielam,” sabi ni Ate Gina. “Basta tanungin mo na lang si Austin kung friends-friends ba talaga kayo para klaro.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Friends-friends?”

Tumango siya. “Alam mo iyong girl friend at girlfriend, ’di ba?”

I nodded. “Magka-iba iyon.”

“Kaya itanong mo kay Austin kung alin kayo doon.”

“Friends kami.”

“Ay, basta itanong mo na lang,” she said. “Para klaro lang, ’di ba?”

I shrugged. “Okay.”

Pagbalik ko sa living room ay kamukha ni Austin Archangel iyong ibang mga kliyente ni Mama—ganyan din ang ekspresyon sa mukha nila. Ibinaba ko iyong kape sa lamesa.

“Ano’ng pinag-uusapan niyo?” I asked.

Papa looked at me, laughing. “Wala, anak. Tinatanong lang namin ’tong si Austin sa mga plano niya sa buhay.”

I looked at Austin Archangel. “He mentioned he might be going to law school,” I said because Mama might be interested in that.

Kumunot ang noo ko when Austin Archangel almost choked on his coffee. Hindi ba siya mapapaso niyan? Mainit pa iyong kape. Pero si Papa, tinawanan pa siya.

I sat there because Ate Gina said it would be rude kung aakyat na ako habang nandito pa si Austin Archangel. I waited hanggang matapos silang mag-usap tapos ay inihatid ko si Austin Archangel pabalik sa sasakyan niya.

“Just rinse it with cold water,” I said while we were standing beside his car. Kumunot ang noo niya. “You burned your tongue.”

He nodded knowingly. “Got it. Thank you.”

“No problem. Ingat sa pagda-drive.”

I turned around at naglakad na ako pabalik sa bahay namin. Pumunta na ako sa kwarto ko at saka naligo. After that, I opened my laptop and then clicked Austin Archangel’s IG story. It was a picture of our food earlier in black and white and with no caption. Kinuhanan niya siguro nung nasa CR ako.

**

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Chapter 19

Chapter 19

The whole of Saturday and Sunday, nagfocus ako sa pagpolish ng script ko. Dominic told me that I could go to Brent at may pool naman daw doon, so we could do the demonstration during his break, pero umulan nang malakas and I refused to go outside. Instead, I just looked for movies na mayroong ganoong mga scenes. I watched them while I was enjoying my cup of hot chocolate. It was already okay since alam ko naman na kung paano ide-describe iyong kissing scenes—I got enough input from 4 individuals.

When Monday came, balik na naman kami sa training. Simula na ng second round nung season and after this, iyong championship na. This semester felt long and I was excited for it to end dahil gusto ko na mag-enroll. I was excited to officially be a Creative Writing student.

“Good morning,” bati ni Serj sa akin. Pareho kaming naka-upo sa bench at pinapa-nood iyong mga players na magwarm up. I heard him yawning. I looked at him and he was now stretching his arms. “Inumaga kami sa shoot,” he said.

“Tapos na kayo magshoot?”

“Almost—check lang namin iyong footage if okay. Sa postprod na iyong iba,” sagot niya sa akin.

“Ano’ng mangyayari after ng shoot?”

“Postprod?” sabi niya sa akin. “Editing, coloring, sound effects, mag-add ng mga kanta ganon.”

I nodded. It sounded so interesting. I wanted to become a great writer and be involved with things like this—I needed to be great para kumita ako ng pera. I was still a student, so my parents have the responsibility to send me to school and to feed me. But once I graduate, I’d be on my own. I needed to be good at this field I chose despite protest from my mother.

Our conversation was cut short nang tawagin kami ni Coach Aldrin. Nagsimula na naman iyong trabaho namin. It was already 8AM nang matapos iyong training. I was so tired—and it was so weird kung bakit pagod din ako kahit na hindi naman ako naglaro. I thought that by this time, masasanay na ako.

“Good morning,” sabi ni Austin Archangel sa akin.

“Good morning,” bati ko sa kanya. Late siyang dumating kanina kaya naman nagjogging siya palibot sa court. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit late siya, pero ontime naman dumating iyong dalawang kapatid niya. Bakit hindi sila sa iisang sasakyan na lang sumakay? Didn’t they know that they’d be saving so much money tutal sa iisang lugar lang naman ang pupuntahan nila?

“Don’t you care about the environment?” I asked.

His forehead creased. “What?” he asked as he was opening his bottle of the blue Gatorade—pansin ko na iyon ang lagi niyang kinu-kuha. He was wearing a maroon jersey shorts—iyong suot pa rin niya kanina, pero nakapagpalit na siya ng puting t-shirt na plain. Suot niya ulit iyong gold na kwintas na may pendant na cross. May maliliit na butil ng pawis ang nasa noo niya.

“Hindi kayo sa iisang sasakyan suma-sakay ni Saint.”

“Oh, that,” sabi niya. “Saint goes to Mary after practice, so there’s that. And Cohen wants to go home immediately after practice.”

“Ikaw? Hindi ka ba uuwi din?”

He just shrugged. “Back then, Saint made us plant, I think, hundreds of trees—I think we’ve done our part in saving the environment.”

My lips parted a little at the information, so I asked him tungkol doon. Nagkwento siya sa akin sa kung papaano pinilit siya ni Saint na magtanim sila at iyon ang regalo ni Saint sa girlfriend niya nung debut nito. That was actually quite nice. And good for the environment.

“Saint’s very creative,” I stated.

“You think?”

I nodded. “Yes—I might use that in one of my stories,” sabi ko sa kanya. “His girlfriend cares about the environment, so he gave her a gift that would matter to her. That’s very creative of him.”

Tahimik na tumango si Austin Archangel. Mukhang free-cut na naman yata siya dahil sinamahan niya ako para tiklupin iyong mga towels. Sobrang antuk na antok si Serj kaya naman sinabi ko sa kanya na ako na ang bahala rito—after all, nung ako ang nasa posisyon niya, sinabihan niya rin naman ako na umuwi na ako at matulog.

We were standing under the sun habang hina-hawakan ko kung tuyo na ba iyong mga tuwalya.

“Ate Gina told me to ask you if we’re friends or friend-friend.”

Napa-tingin siya sa akin. I slightly closed my eyes because when he turned his head, direktang tumama iyong sinag ng araw sa mga mata ko.

I moved.

Nang hindi na ako naaarawan ay iminulat ko ang mga mata ko at tumingin kay Austin Archangel. His eyes were slightly wide open and his lips were slightly parted. “What?” he asked. I repeated what I just said earlier and just stared at him. Hindi pa naman masyadong tuyo iyong mga sampay. Ayokong kuhanin hanggang hindi pa tuyo talaga dahil nagiging mabaho siya.

“I already told her na magkaibigan lang tayo, but she wanted me to ask you for clarification daw,” I said. “Are we friends or friend-friend?”

Kinuha ni Austin Archangel iyong towel kahit hindi pa naman tuyo iyon at saka tinupi niya. “We’re friends right now,” he said.

“I know—I already told her that. I don’t know why she wanted me to clarify,” sabi ko at saka inilahad iyong kamay ko. Kumunot ang noo niya. “Hindi pa ’yan tuyo—mabaho kapag hindi sobrang tuyo.”

Austin Archangel handed over the towel. Naghintay kami ng 5 minutes pa bago kinuha iyong mga towels. He helped me to fold them and then put them in the box and back to the storage area. Paglabas namin ng court ay naharang kami dahil mayroong nagpa-picture kay Austin Archangel na mga students from College of Fine Arts base sa ID lace nila.

“For you, kuya,” sabi nung isang babae at mayroong inabot na paper bag kay Austin Archangel. Tumingin sa akin iyong babae. “Gift lang po, Ate. Idol po kasi namin.”

Kumunot ang noo ko dahil sa paliwanag nila. “Okay,” I said.

Siniko nung naka-pixie cut na buhok iyong babae na mahaba iyong buhok. “Told you—mabait iyong girlfriend,” she whispered, but I still managed to hear it. Nang makita niyang naka-tingin ako sa kanila ay nginitian niya ako. I did not usually smile at strangers who smile at me, but this was an unprecedented situation, so I just gave back the smile. They thanked both of us at saka umalis.

“You’re really famous,” I pointed out dahil hindi ata matatapos ang isang araw na walang nagpapa-picture sa kanya. Ganito rin kaya kapag off-season? Kung sabagay, he’s from a prominent family. Kahit nga si Papa ay kilala siya kahit sa pangalan lang.

“It comes with the territory, I guess,” sabi niya. “You’ll be a famous screenwriter, too. Are you prepared for that?”

I looked at him. “You think so?”

He nodded. “A hundred percent.”

“Saan base ’yan? Hindi mo pa naman nababasa iyong script.”

He laughed. “I just think so,” he said. “You work so hard for your script—it’ll pay off.”

I gave him a small smile. “Sana nga.”

When I was starting to write the script, I was so excited because of the new things I learned… but as I was reaching the completion, nagsimula akong kabahan. Kasi papa-tapos na. May finished product na. At may mga gustong bumasa…

And once you put your work out there, you’d have to face the reality that not everyone will like your work.

I already experienced being rejected—I tossed it to it being my first time. But if I get rejected again? While fully knowing that I gave it my all and really did my best?

Ano kaya ang mangyayari sa akin?

Would I be heartbroken?

Would I still be able to continue writing?

“When your script becomes a movie, can I score a premiere ticket?”

I looked at him. “Can we not talk about this?”

Nawala iyong ngiti sa mukha niya. “Why? What did I say wrong?”

I shook my head. “Nothing. I just don’t want to talk about it,” sabi ko. Nakita ko na agad iyong sasakyan. Humarap ako kay Austin Archangel. “I will send you the script via email. Thank you,” I continued before I walked towards the car.

“Ayos ka lang?” tanong ni Kuya Robert nang pumasok ako sa sasakyan.

“No, not really,” I said as I buckle my seatbelt.

“Inaway ka ba? Nako, kahit mas matangkad ’yan at ma-muscle, isang sipa sa tuhod lang ’yan,” sabi ni Kuya Robert habang paalis na kami ng school.

“Sino ang sisipain mo sa tuhod?”

“Si Austin, sino pa ba?”

“Bakit mo siya sisipain?”

Saglit na tumingin sa akin si Kuya Rober. “Ay, ewan,” sabi niya. “Kausapin mo na lang si Ate mo kung may problema ka,” he said. I just nodded. Sinasabi ko naman kay Ate Gina kung may problema ako, pero kapag hindi ko masabi, I just write it down in an email that’s scheduled to be sent back to me after 5 years. So far, 2 email na iyong buma-balik sa akin. Isa iyong email ko sa sarili ko nung unang beses akong humiling ng pusa, pero hindi ako pinagbigyan. I was so sad, but I didn’t want to talk about it, so I just wrote it down. The second time was when Mama made me go to a doctor for diagnosis. I was sad because that meant that I wasn’t normal—but I was glad I went. I understood myself a whole lot better instead of just constantly questioning why I wasn’t like everyone else.

Pagbalik sa bahay, nagbrunch ako tapos ay umakyat na ako sa kwarto. I took a bath before I gave my script one final read before ko i-send kay Austin Archangel.

‘Can I read it now?’

‘If you want.’

Na-seen niya iyong message ko. I closed my laptop and laid on my bed. Naka-tingin ako sa dingding. I tried to count the stars, but the color was very faint dahil maaga pa. When I was younger, naglagay si Papa ng mga adhesive na stars sa dingding para bini-bilang ko iyon kapag hindi ako maka-tulog.

My phone vibrated.

‘If you have any problem, you can talk to me.’

I sighed. Why was I worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet? I sat down and grabbed my phone.

‘Can I call?’

‘Yes.’

I dialed his number and he answered even before the first ring could end.

“Nabasa mo na ba?”

“Not yet,” sabi niya. “Why?”

“I’m just worried—what if pangit iyong sinulat ko? I really did give it my best.”

He was silent for 5 seconds. “Good or bad, everything’s subjective, right?”

“But there are still things which are conventionally good—and I need to achieve that to succeed,” sabi ko sa kanya. I needed to be good—to be great. Kasi kung hindi, habang buhay na lang akong aasa kila Mama? Or would I be forced to go back to Legal Management?

“I will read this and I will tell you if it’s good or if it’s bad,” sabi niya.

I sighed. “Okay…”

“Although I don’t know if I’m the best judge because I really don’t read or watch romantic books or movies.”

“That’s not pure romance.”

“With mystery?”

“Yes.”

“Then I already half-like it.”

“Really?”

“Really,” sabi niya sa akin. “Do you have plans today?”

“Wala naman, bakit?”

“I’ll ask your parents, but if they say yes, do you want to go to the beach?” tanong niya sa akin. “Because when I feel down, I go to the beach to breathe.”

“Saan?”

“Punta Fuego,” he replied.

“Okay,” I said. “Kung papayagan ako.”

“Okay,” he replied. “I’ll text you.”

We ended the call. Bumalik ako sa pagkaka-higa. I tried to sleep, but after counting to 178, nagvibrate iyong phone ko.

‘Will pick you up in an hour. Bring an extra set of clothes, just in case,’ text niya sa akin. Tapos ay may dumating ulit na isa. ‘Whatever happens, you already have a fan in me.’ 

**

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Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Naglagay ako ng maong shorts, puting t-shirt, and a pair of underwear sa zip bag. Sa kabilang zip bag naman ay naglagay ako ng sunscreen para kapag nagre-apply ako mamaya. Skin cancer is something I take seriously. Inilagay ko iyon sa tote bag ko kasama iyong shawl at saka bumaba ako.

“San tayo pupunta?” tanong ni Kuya Robert. Nagkakape siya kasama si Ate Gina. Nandoon si Blue sa may paanan nila at mukhang naghihintay ng pagkain kahit na sigurado ako na pina-kain na siya.

“Beach,” I replied.

“Bakit?” tanong ni Ate Gina. “At pwedeng sumama?”

I shrugged. “Tanungin mo si Austin Archangel,” sagot ko.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Ate Gina. “Pupunta kayo sa beach ni Austin?” she asked and I nodded. “Alam ng Mama mo?” I nodded again. I would not dare go out of the Manila without asking for her permission. I still live in her house and I should follow the rules.

I looked at my phone. Sinabi niya na magtetext siya sa akin kapag nasa labas na siya ng bahay namin.

“2 hours and 54 minutes iyong drive papunta sa Punta Fuego,” sabi ko. “May pwede ba akong dalhin na pagkain?” I asked.

Ate Gina’s forehead was creased, but she went to the ref at saka naglabas ng ham doon. She kept on asking me questions after questions while she was frying the ham tapos ay ginawa niyang sandwich iyon. She put lettuce and tomatos there. Gumawa siya ng 4 na sandwich para tig-isa kami pa-punta at pa-uwi. Iniabot niya sa akin iyon at saka ibinigay iyong lalagyan ko ng tubig.

“Thank you,” I said.

Ate Gina nodded. “Ano’ng oras kayo uuwi?”

“Hindi ko alam,” sagot ko. “But Mama said before na kailangang nasa bahay na ako ng 11pm,” I continued, relaying the information Austin Archangel relayed to me before nang kumain kami sa Cyma.

Nagka-tinginan sina Ate Gina at Kuya Robert. Nagvibrate iyong phone ko. Nakita ko iyong pangalan ni Austin Archangel doon.

‘Already here.’

Kinuha ko iyong tote bag ko at iyong paper bag kung saan naka-lagay iyong mga sandwich at iyong inumin ko. I patted Blue’s head before I headed outside. Pagbukas ko ng gate ay nandoon si Austin Archangel.

“Can I come in?” he asked.

“Okay,” I replied because I did not see any reason why not. Kilala na siya ng mga magulang ko kaya pwede na siyang pumasok sa bahay. I figured na baka gusto niya lang magCR. Pagpasok namin sa bahay ay kina-usap niya sina Ate Gina at Kuya Robert at sinabi kung saan kami pupunta at na ibabalik niya ako sa bahay before 11PM.

“You got everything?” tanong niya sa akin matapos niyang kausapin sina Ate Gina.

I nodded. “A change of clothes, sunscreen, and I bought snacks.”

“Oh. I bought food, too,” sabi niya.

I shrugged. “The more, the merrier,” I replied bago kami naglakad papunta sa sasakyan niya. He was wearing a gray board shorts, white Nike t-shirt, and white Nike slides. Mayroon ding naka-sabit na Ray-Ban Wayfarer sunglasses sa t-shirt niya.

“Thank you,” I said when he got the paper bag from my hand inilagay niya iyon sa backseat. I waited for him to get into the driver’s seat bago ako pumasok sa passenger seat. I put my seatbelt on.

“Let’s go?” tanong niya sa akin.

I nodded. “Let’s go,” I confirmed kahit siya naman ang magda-drive.

Austin Archangel looked so serious while he was driving. He told me na ako ang mamili ng kanta sa sasakyan. I busied myself while looking at different playlists in Spotify. I finally settled with the playlist entitled Beach Trip .

“Can I connect my phone?”

“Sure,” sabi niya. “I don’t know if there’s a code, but if there is, it’s 0000.”

I nodded and connected my phone. I also asked for permission if I could adjust the volume.

“You can do whatever you want,” he said.

“It’s not my car,” I replied. I hated it when people mess with my things without asking for my permission. How hard was it to ask for permission?

“You’re right,” he said tapos ay tumingin siya sa akin. “I’m giving you all-access pass for this trip,” he continued, smiled a little, before he looked at the road ahead of us.

I thanked him for that tapos ay inayos ko na iyong tugtog. Hindi iyon masyadong malakas na hindi niya na ako maririnig kapag nagsalita ako, pero hindi rin mahina na para na lang siyang background music. The songs were actually quite nice. I saw Austin Archangel singing along with some of the songs. Naka-tingin ako sa kanya.

“What?” tanong niya habang medyo naka-taas ang mga kilay.

“You know most of these songs,” I stated.

“Well, yeah… I think you’re using the same playlist I use when I drive to Fuego.”

“Is this it?” tanong ko tapos pina-kita sa kanya. He nodded. “What a coincidence,” I stated. What were the chances? “What will we do there?” tanong ko dahil kung tama ang sinabi sa Google, since 9:45AM na kami umalis, 12: 39PM na kami makaka-rating doon.

“Late lunch,” sagot niya. “I know you like to check the menu beforehand, but there’s no menu available online, so you can just check there?”

I nodded. “Okay.”

“After, we can just sit by the beach… or if you want, we can use the yacht.”

“You have a yacht?”

“Maggie’s,” sagot niya. “But we can use it if you want.”

I thought about it for a minute. I’d seen some movies na nasa yacht iyong mga bida. It would be nice to experience it myself para naman alam ko kung ano ang isusulat ko kung sakaling magkaroon ng ganoong scene sa script ko.

“Who will drive?”

“We have a contact there,” sabi niya. “I’ll just inform him while we’re having lunch. He’s just from there.”

Tumango ako. We arrived there earlier than expected. Kilala na si Austin Archangel dito dahil binati siya nung guard sa pangalan niya. Austin Archangel greeted the guard back. Pumasok kami sa loob and we were given a bracelet.

“How about your guards?” I asked while we were in the resto.

“They’ll be with us, but on the other side,” sabi niya.

“Doesn’t it bother you?”

“The guards?”

“Yes. They’re constantly there,” I replied.

“Not really… It’s just part of life, I guess,” sabi niya. “When we first got security, it was quite annoying, but I soon learned to tune them out. Also, they’re just doing their jobs. Can’t fault them for that.”

I nodded and then continued to look at the menu. I was still quite full from the sandwich. I ordered a rice and seafood platter. The waiter informed us that it was already good for 2, so Austin Archangel asked me if I was willing to share.

“We’ll separate the food with clean utensils,” sabi niya.

“I’m fine as long as we use serving spoon,” I replied.

“Okay,” sagot niya.

“Do you really not have any classes?”

Napaawang ang labi niya. “I have classes,” sagot niya. “But I’m graduating, so I’m mostly done with everything and I’m just finishing my paper.”

Tumango ako. “What are your plans after graduation?”

Hindi siya sumagot agad. He reached for the glass and poured service water in it. Napuno iyon, pero mabilis din niyang naubos. He reached for the table napkin and gently patted the side of his lips. I just watched him, but I’d never do that. I read about amoebiasis, so I was always careful with what I put in my body.

“Nothing concrete yet,” sabi niya. “Do you wanna talk about your script?”

Napa-hugot ako ng malalim na hininga.

Austin Archangel chuckled. “It wasn’t that bad,” sabi niya.

“So… it’s bad? But not really?”

Napa-awang ang labi niya. “No, no. Let me retract my statement,” sabi niya at saka umayos ng upo. “It’s good—the plot is good. It has potential. The descriptions are also good—I think the research you did really help you.”

“But?” tanong ko.

“What but?”

“I want an honest opinion,” I said. “I’ll never grow if I won’t hear honest opinions about my work,” I continued. It didn’t mean na hindi ako masasaktan, but I’d get over it. Ang mahalaga, matuto ako at gumaling ako. I chose this field and it’s up to me to do my best to be good at it.

Tumango si Austin Archangel. “Okay,” he said. “I really think the plot is good… but I feel like the ‘mystery’ part came out of nowhere,” he continued. “I’m not a big fan of romantic movies, but the romance part was good. Maybe you can just focus on that?”

I sat there quietly as I digested his words.

“You did not like the mystery?”

“It just felt a little too disconnected from the movie. I feel like you can make another story out of that alone. You could maybe focus on the romance part? I mean, I’m not your audience for it, but I highly believe that a lot of people would enjoy that.”

I held my hands and fiddled with my fingers. I would ask for another opinion and if I get the same one, I would do what he’s telling me.

“But maybe I don’t know what I’m saying,” sabi niya.

I looked at him. “Thank you,” I said.

His lips parted. “Are you mad?”

Umiling ako. “Why would I be mad?”

“I don’t know… but you’re really not mad?”

Muli akong umiling. “I asked for your honest opinion, and you gave me your honest opinion. Why would I be mad for something I asked myself?”

He blinked twice. “Right…” sabi niya.

Dumating na iyong pagkain namin. There was already a serving spoon, so we just enjoyed our meal. After that, lumabas kami. Medyo mataas iyong sikat ng araw.

“Here,” sabi niya sabay abot sa akin nung sunglass niya.

“Hindi mo ba gagamitin?”

“No,” sagot niya. Sinuot ko iyong sunglasses niya at saka naglakad-lakad lang kami sa dalampasigan. Walang masyadong tao dahil siguro kalagitnaan ng linggo. “Do you want to sit?” tanong niya nang huminto kami sa ilalim nung malaking puno. 30 minutes na rin kaming naglalakad. Hindi naman malayo ang narating namin dahil mabagal lang kaming maglakad.

“Yes,” sagot ko. Inilabas ko iyong shawl mula sa tote bag ko at saka inilatag iyon sa buhanginan. The shawl was big enough for the two of us. Naupo ako roon. My legs were resting against the sand, but it was okay. I wasn’t a germaphobe—I really preferred to be clean if I have a choice. But I was always amendable.

“Ayaw mo ba?” tanong ko dahil naka-tayo lang siya.

“Thank you,” sagot niya nang maupo siya sa tabi ko. There was a 12 inches distance between us. Austin Archangel also straightened his legs kaya naman mas kapansin-pansin iyong tangkad niya sa akin. I was looking at our legs at nahuli niya akong naka-tingin doon. “What?” he asked.

“You’re really tall.”

“Genes,” he replied.

“How do you kiss a girl?” I asked. “You’re too tall. Binu-buhat mo ba?” tanong ko. I forgot to include that in my questionnaire. Hindi rin naman mahalaga sa script ko, so hindi na ako nagtanong ng follow-up questions.

“What?” he asked, his eyes widening a little.

“Because you’re too tall,” I repeated. “The average height of Filipinas is 5 feet and 1.57 inches. And you’re 6 feet and 5 inches. You’re more than a foot taller than most Filipinas. Unless you only plan to date supermodels?”

His lips were parted.

His forehead creased a little.

“I… don’t plan on dating supermodels,” sabi niya.

“Why not? It would look better, height-wise,” I stated.

“Height isn’t really one of the things I look for,” sabi niya.

“Then what do you look for?” I asked.

“I don’t know.”

“Then how do you know you’re not looking for a supermodel?”

“Because… I don’t know?” sabi niya. “I don’t really have any ’criteria,” he continued. “When I like someone, I like someone. I don’t think any checklist I make would really matter once I develop feelings for someone.”

I slowly nodded. “Like in the movies,” I stated.

“What?”

“In the movies… iyong enemies to lovers trope?” I asked, but he just looked lost. “Iyong sasabihin ng babae na never siya maiinlove doon sa lalaki dahil lahat ng ayaw niya ay nandoon sa lalaki? But in the end, they still ended up together.”

His forehead was still a little creased, but he managed to nod. “Right… like in the movies,” sabi niya.

“So, you’re willing to date a short girl?”

“Define short?”

“Anything less than 6 feet.”

“Uh… yes?”

“Your fans would be happy,” sabi ko. “In connection to that, would you be open to dating a fan?”

Napa-kamot si Austin Archangel sa batok niya. “Preferably, no,” sagot niya.

“Why not? They’re already a fan. They already like you.”

He shrugged. “It’s just hard to know when people really like you for you… or they like you because of what they think you are. I don’t know if I’m making any sense.”

I looked at him. “Why do you think that?” I asked. I remembered my therapist would ask me that question whenever I’d say something similar to what Austin Archangel said. Answering that question helped me understand myself better and made me feel a little better. It’s just easier to solve the problem when you know the root cause.

“Personal experience,” he simply said.

I nodded. I did not ask because he would elaborate if he wanted. We stayed silent for an hour. It wasn’t boring. Austin Archangel played music in his phone kaya naman naka-tingin lang kami sa dagat habang naki-kinig sa kanta.

At 5PM, Austin Archangel stood up.

“Let’s go,” he said.

“Saan?”

“Yacht,” he replied. “We’ll sail off to the sunset.”

**

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Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Austin Archangel introduced me to the captain of the yacht—his name was Gio. He’s a 30 year old German who came to the Philippines 5 years ago. I asked him what made him move, but all I got was a shrugged. Ipinaliwanag niya sa akin iyong mga mangyayari at itinuro kung nasaan iyong mga lifevest pagkatapos kong magtanong. I just liked to be prepared—hindi mo alam kung kailan mangyayari ang sakuna.

We went to the starboard. Mayroon doong mga lounge chairs at lamesa. Austin Archangel looked at me and asked me if I was okay. I nodded. I tried flying in a plane, but I’ve never tried a yacht. This would be such an experience.

“If you feel seasick, tell me.”

“Okay,” I said. I tried to walk, pero medyo maalon kaya muntik na akong matumba. I looked at Austin Archangel who was watching my every movement. “Can you hold me?” I asked dahil ayokong matumba. I had this irrational thought inside my head na matutumba ako at matatapon palabas ng yate. And then my body would be caught in the propellers and then the fishes in the sea would eat my chopped up body.

“Okay,” sagot niya sa akin. Hinawakan niya iyong braso ko at inalalayan ako hanggang sa maka-upo ako roon sa lounge chair. I drew a deep breath. “You okay?” he asked.

“Yes,” I replied. “It’s my first time on a yacht.”

Tumango siya. “It’s like a plane… but on the sea?” sabi niya. “But Gio’s licensed and the yacht’s always checked for maintenance.”

Humawak ako nang mabuti sa may lounge chair. Naka-tingin pa rin si Austin Archangel sa akin. “Do you want me to get the life vest, so you’d feel safer?” he asked.

“Pwede ba?” tanong ko.

He shrugged. “I can’t see the harm,” sabi niya sa akin. “And the guards are trained to swim,” dugtong niya bago umalis para kuhanin iyong life vest.

Tahimik lang akong naka-kapit sa may lounge chair. I looked at the sea at puro dark blue na tubig lang ang nakikita ko. I thought I made a wrong move dahil parang masusuka ako. Dahil dark blue na iyong tubig, ibig sabihin nun ay masyado ng malalim iyong tubig.

Oh, dear god.

What have I done?

Nang maka-balik si Austin Archangel ay agad siyang napa-upo sa may lounge chair sa harapan ko. His eyes were slightly wide open and his lips were slightly parted.

“Hey… what’s wrong?” he asked.

“Everything,” I replied.

“Do you want me to ask Gio to go back?” tanong niya.

Napa-tingin ako sa langit. Nagsisimula ng magkulay orange iyon. I had never seen a sunset that I didn’t like… And I was already here, in the middle of the sea, about to watch the sun set.

Huminga ako nang malalim.

“No,” I replied. “Just distract me, please.”

Napa-kurap si Austin Archangel. “Okay,” he said mindlessly. “Uh… what are your plans with the script?” he asked.

“I plan to finish it.”

He chuckled. “Aside from that?” tanong niya. “Do you plan to pass it anywhere?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why?”

“I don’t feel confident enough.”

He pressed his lips together. “If it’s because of what I said earlier, it’s just a suggestion. It’s still your work—you’re the writer of the story. You control everything.”

“No, I’m actually considering what you said,” sabi ko sa kanya. “I was just thinking that it would take at least a month to revise everything.”

“Well, you still have 2 months before the next semester starts.”

“You’re right.”

“After you revise, you can consider submitting.”

I sighed. “I don’t know what I would do kapag na-reject ulit,” sabi ko tapos ay muli akong napa-tingin sa langit. It was already orange everywhere. I smiled at the view. It’s really pretty. Marami ring ulap kasabay ng unti-unting paglubog ng araw.

“Ang ganda…” sabi ko.

“I know,” he replied.

I reached for my phone so that I could take a photo. Hindi ko makapa sa loob ng tote bag ko kaya naman tumingin ako roon, pero napa-tigil ako nang makita ko si Austin Archangel na naka-tingin sa akin. “What?” I asked.

“Nothing,” he replied bago tumingin muli sa may langit. Inilabas ko iyong cellphone ko. “Do you want me to take a photo of you?” tanong niya.

Umiling ako. Kinuhanan ko ng litrato iyong sunset. The picture was beautiful… but it could not beat the beauty of the actual sunset. I’d never tried watching the sun rise—I’d do that one of these days. Kapag tapos na iyong season dahil nasa loob ako ng court palagi kapag sumi-sikat ang araw.

“This is the perfect setting for a first kiss,” I said as a I stared at the orange sky before us. “Who’s your first kiss?” I asked.

Hindi siya sumagot. Naghintay ako ng 10 segundo.

“Sorry I asked,” I said because that must be private. Ate Gina told me that there are things I should not ask. I was still figuring that one out—kung ano ba iyong mga pwede at hindi ko pwedeng itanong. It’s tricky… And Austin’s been answering all my questions, so far, so with him, it’s much trickier to figure out where to draw the line.

“I don’t have a first kiss yet,” sabi niya.

“Really?” I asked.

“Why? Is it surprising?”

I nodded. “A lot of girls like you,” I stated because that’s the truth. Nung nagre-research pa ako tungkol sa kanya, I stumbled upon a lot of fan pages and a lot of girls commenting on how they’d give anything to be with Austin Archangel or any of his brothers. Even during games, minsan ay halos mahubaran na siya. May isang beses na mayroon siyang kalmot sa braso na hindi niya rin alam kung paano nangyari dahil sobrang daming sumalubong sa kanya. I asked him that time kung bakit hindi niya na lang paalisin dahil may guards naman siya—he said it’s fine.

“I don’t know any of those girls,” he replied.

“You see them every after game.”

“Still doesn’t change the fact that I don’t know them.”

“Well, everybody’s a stranger unless you make an effort to know them.”

He nodded. “You’re right… but I’m not interested to know them.”

I shrugged. “That’s up to you,” sagot ko dahil hindi ko naman siya pwedeng pilitin sa kung sino ang gusto niyang kilalanin.

“You?” tanong niya.

“Me?”

He nodded. “First kiss?” tanong niya sa akin, pero sa papa-lubog na araw siya naka-tingin.

“I don’t have a first kiss,” sabi ko sa kanya.

Agad siyang napa-tingin sa akin. “Dom?”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Si Dominic?” I asked because why was he saying Dominic’s name all of a sudden?

He blinked thrice. His lips parted. “Oh…” he said like he was realizing something. He bit his lower lip but there was an unmistakable smile on his lips. “Right,” dugtong niya.

“Right what?”

“Nothing.”

“Okay,” I said although this conversation confused me. “So, how did you answer the questionnaire kung wala ka pang first kiss?”

Tumingin ako sa kanya. His face was orange galing sa sikat ng araw. Mula sa pwesto ko ay kitang-kita ko kung gaano ka-tangos ang ilong niya. Napansin ko rin na walang pores iyong mukha niya. Nagpapa-facial kaya siya? O baka naman nasa genes lang dahil ganito rin ang mukha ng mga kapatid niya? Pero sa kanilang tatlo nina Saint, si Cohen ang pinaka-maganda ang balat.

“Imagination?” sagot niya.

“Must be some imagination,” sagot ko dahil akala ko ay may experience na talaga siya dahil sa mga sagot niya.

“Hey, I really don’t have a first kiss yet.”

“Wala naman akong sinasabing meron na.”

“I just watch movies.”

“Iba pa rin kapag na-experience mo na.”

“How would you know?”

I shrugged. “Sabi ni Kaleigh iba raw isulat kapag na-experience mo na,” sabi ko sa kanya. “So, I really want to try a lot of things para mas lumawak iyong perspective ko at mas marami akong maisulat.”

So far, I’ve watched a movie alone, I’ve been to the arcade, I’ve been to basketball games, I’ve been to the beach at night, I’ve walked under the rain, and I’ve been in a yacht to watch the sun set.

A year ago, all I ever did was to go to school and then go at home—I already stepped out of my comfort zone.

“So… you’ll try kissing?”

I shrugged. “If the opportunity comes up,” sabi ko.

I was not a very sentimental person. It’s just kissing—two people’s lips touching. I’d be more worried if the other person has brushed their teeth or at the very least, gargled.

Based on everybody around me, kissing is fun… but the idea sounded dangerous to me.

“What opportunity?” tanong niya at ipinaliwanag ko sa kanya iyong mga requirements ko. “But I doubt if anyone would bother to do all that,” I said because when I was in high school, my classmates asked me about that and I told them about my requirements and they all laughed at me and told me that I would die alone.

But I refused to change my standards.

If no one would qualify, then that’s not really my problem.

“Why do you think that?” he asked.

“Too much requirement.”

“I don’t think brushing and gargling are too much,” sabi niya. “It’s just good hygiene.”

I blinked. “Right!”

He chuckled. “They just don’t understand you.”

I smiled. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not,” sabi niya.

“I know I’m not ‘normal.’”

“What’s normal, even?” tanong niya. “Who gets to decide what’s normal?”

“Society,” I answered.

“Society is judgmental.”

“Maybe,” I said.

Tumingin siya sa akin. “Karaminah Viel,” he called my name. Tumingin ako sa kanya. “You’re not weird, okay? Don’t let the society tell you otherwise.”

“Okay,” I said, nodding.

“In an alternate universe, I’m pretty sure I’m the weird one based on what society says.”

“Maybe in a world where everyone’s under 6 feet, you’ll be weird.”

His lips parted. “Oh, now you’re height shaming me.”

I shook my head. “You are tall.”

“Genes.”

“Are both your parents tall?”

“Yes.”

“That’s why,” I said. “My dad’s tall, but my mom’s short, so I’m in the middle.”

“Your height’s fine.”

“I did not say it’s not fine—I am above the average height in the country.”

He chuckled. “Sure.”

“The sun finally set,” I said because it felt like we’ve been watching the sun set forever.

“Do you want to have dinner here or let’s go home?” tanong niya.

Tatayo na sana kaming dalawa, kaya lang ay biglang umuga iyong yate. I lost my balance and Austin Archangel tried to catch me so he pulled me towards him… but I ended up with my lips up against his. 

**

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Chapter 22

Chapter 22

I saw how Austin Archangel’s eyes widened the moment our lips touched. He tried to get away, but that only made it worse dahil sabay kaming na-tumba sa may deck at ngayon ay naka-patong na iyong buong katawan ko sa kanya. I was holding on to him for my dear life dahil kinakabahan ako na baka bigla niya akong bitawan at mahulog ako sa mga yate. Baka magka-totoo iyong kaninang iniisip ko lang at maging pagkain na talaga ako ng mga isda.

My face was now resting against the crook of his neck. Dito niya siguro nilalagay iyong Tom Ford niya na pabango dahil amoy na amoy ko iyon.

“Hey…” pagtawag niya sa akin. Hindi pa rin ako guma-galaw at naka-kapit lang ako sa damit niya. “We have to stand up.”

“How?” I asked. Gabi na. Kapag natapon ako sa dagat, mahihirapan silang hanapin ako. After 24 hours, iyong search and rescue operation ko ay magiging search na lang.

“You have to get off of me.”

“Hindi ako maka-galaw.”

“Okay…” sabi niya. 20 seconds siyang hindi nagsalita. Hindi rin ako gumalaw. “How about I flip us over and then I’ll stand up and just carry you with me?”

“Okay,” sagot ko kahit hindi ko naintindihan iyong sinabi niya dahil mas focused ako sa pagkapit sa kanya. Nasaan ba iyong mga security niya? Hindi ba nila nakikita iyong posisyon naming dalawa? Wala bang tutulong sa amin?

I did not understand what Austin Archangel was talking about… Naintindihan ko lang iyon nang pagpalitin niya iyong posisyon namin. He rolled us over hanggang nasa ibaba na ako at nasa itaas ko siya. And then he did a push-up and literally carried me with him. Humawak siya sa railings nung yate hanggang sa maka-tayo kaming dalawa. I was still holding on to his shirt.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

I shook my head. “Pwede ba akong kumapit sa ’yo habang naglalakad tayo pabalik?”

He nodded. “Of course,” he said while draping his arm over my shoulder. Kalmado na iyong alon, pero kina-kabahan pa rin ako. It would only take one wild wave to flip this yacht over. Ayokong mamatay sa pagka-lunod. I already made a decision na mamamatay ako habang tulog ako. I made a list of the ways I did not want to die—my top three are drowning, being buried alive, and someone putting a plastic over my head. I knew the odds are in my favor, but I would still not take my chances.

Nang maka-pasok kami sa loob ay pina-upo ako ni Austin Archangel.

“Do you want water?” he asked.

I nodded and then I reached for the tumbler inside my bag. Natigilan si Austin Archangel. Tahimik akong uminom. I did a breathing exercise I was taught until I calmed myself down.

“Everything okay?” tanong ni Gio.

“Yeah,” sagot ni Austin Archangel. “Let’s go back.”

“Aight.”

Ibinalik ni Austin Archangel iyong tingin niya sa akin. Naupo siya sa katapat na upuan habang hindi inaalis iyong tingin sa akin.

“Uh…” he said. I looked at him, waiting for what he was going to say. Muli akong napa-kapit nang umuga iyong yate dahil sa alon. Okay. Hindi na ako babalik pa rito. One near death experience was more than enough. Masaya na ako sa dalampasigan.

I closed my eyes and counted inside my head to calm myself down. It took me counting to 2,078 bago sabihin ni Gio sa amin na nasa dock na kami. I opened my eyes and the first thing that I saw was Austin Archangel looking at me.

“What?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Nothing,” he replied.

Tumayo na para maka-labas na. Inalalayan ako ni Austin Archangel hanggang sa maka-sampa ako sa dock. Naka-hinga na rin ako nang maluwag nang maramdaman ko iyong buhangin at iyong lupa.

“That was quite an experience,” I said.

“About that—”

Napa-tingin ako sa cellphone ko dahil biglang nagtext si Mama at tina-tanong kung pauwi na raw ba kami. Tumingin ako kay Austin Archangel para itanong kung uuwi na ba kami. Tumango naman siya kaya nagreply ako kay Mama na pauwi kami. Tatlong oras din ang byahe pabalik kaya mas mabuti na umalis na kami ngayon.

There was a traffic papunta sa toll gate. I heard Austin Archangel’s stomach grumble. I got the sandwich from my tote bag at ini-abot iyon kay Austin Archangel.

“It’s ham sandwich na gawa ni Ate Gina,” I said.

“Thank you,” sabi niya.

Naka-hinto kami at mayroon pang 15 na sasakyan sa harapan namin. It was 7:09PM, so the heavy traffic was already expected dahil tinignan ko na rin sa traffic app.

“Can I eat?” I asked because Papa had a rule na bawal kumain sa sasakyan. Papa was protective of his watches and his cars. Sa ibang bagay naman ay hindi siya mahigpit.

“Sure,” sabi ni Austin Archangel.

I opened the sandwich wrapper and ate. Gutom na rin ako dahil nung lunch pa iyong huling kain namin. Hindi ko napansin iyong gutom dahil nag-enjoy ako sa panonood namin ng sunset. Nag-enjoy din ako sa pag-uusap namin ni Austin Archangel. He’s nice to talk to. He did not get offended… o baka iniisip ko lang iyon?

“Hindi ka ba na-ooffend sa mga sinasabi ko?” I asked.

“Why would I be offended?”

I shrugged. “I know that sometimes, I tend to come off as insensitive.”

“I don’t think that,” sagot niya. “You just say what you mean. Sometimes, that still escapes me, but I’m trying to constantly remind myself that when it comes to you, there’s no ‘hidden’ meaning.”

“Kagaya nung sa girlfriend?” I asked.

“Yes…”

“I just did not think na may maguguluhan doon… Kasi bakit mo naman ako magiging girlfriend? I thought it was understood that I meant girl space friend.”

The car in front of us moved kaya naman umapak siya sa pedal. And then he stopped. Naka-tingin lang siya sa may harapan habang naka-hawak ang mga kamay sa manibela.

“Karaminah Viel,” he said.

“Austin Archangel,” I replied as I was finishing my sandwich. Hindi niya pa nagagalaw iyong sa kanya. Akala ko ay gutom siya dahil tumunog iyong tiyan niya.

“About what happened earlier…”

“Alin doon?” tanong ko dahil maraming nangyari. Kumain kami, nagkwentuhan, nanood ng sunset, at muntik ng mamatay. He needed to be more specific.

“About the kiss.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Kiss?”

He nodded. “Yes… Earlier… When you—” sabi niya tapos ay natigilan. Tumikhim din siya. Naka-hawak pa rin iyong mga kamay niya sa manibela, pera inialis niya iyong kaliwang kamay niya para suklayin iyong kulot niyang buhok. “Didn’t you remember?”

I replayed what happened in the boat. Medyo gumalaw iyon dahil sa malakas na alon. Muntik na akong matumba dahil doon kaya naman hinila ako ni Austin Archangel para hindi ako matumba kaya naman—

“Oh… that,” I said, remembering how our lips touched. My eyes widened a little. “We’re each other’s first kiss,” I stated although I did not know if that would qualify as a first kiss dahil base sa mga nabasa ko, parang hindi naman. Sa mga sagot nila, a kiss is nothing like that—sa version pa nga ni Dominic ay may participation pa ang mga kamay at ang dila niya palagi.

“It was an accident, though,” I continued. “You’re permitted to not consider that as your first kiss.”

Napa-awang ang labi niya. “What?”

“I don’t really care about my first kiss , but maybe you do. I-reserve mo iyong first kiss mo sa magiging girlfriend mo,” I told him. “Umandar na iyong sasakyan,” I pointed out kaya naman napa-tingin si Austin Archangel doon at saka nagdrive ulit.

Nang maka-lagpas kami sa toll gate ay dire-diretso na iyong pagda-drive niya. Nakikita ko na napapa-tingin siya sa akin sa rearview mirror. I would ask him why, but he would not give me an answer.

When he pulled over in front of the house, I unbuckled the seatbelt. I checked the content of the totebag. Nandoon lahat ng gamit ko. I needed to check it dahil kapag hindi tapos nakita ko mamaya na may kulang, hindi ako makaka-tulog sa kaka-isip kung saan ko naiwanan iyon.

I looked at Austin Archangel. “Thank you for today,” I said.

Lumabas na ako sa sasakyan niya. Maglalakad na sana ako papasok sa bahay. Napa-tingin ako nang marinig ko iyong pagbukas ng pinto at nakita ko na lumabas din siya doon.

I looked at him, waiting kung ano ang sasabihin niya o kung may naka-limutan ba siya.

“It’s only 9:47,” he said.

“I know,” I replied dahil mayroon din naman akong relo.

“I mean, your curfew’s at 11PM,” he said. “Do you want to walk around first?”

I looked around. Hindi pa ako nakakapaglakad sa gabi dito sa subdivision dahil wala naman akong kasama. Hindi ko pwedeng isama si Blue maglakad kapag gabi dahil sigurado ako na kapag may nangyari sa amin, iiwanan niya lang ako.

“Okay,” I replied.

Sabay kaming naglakad. There was a 12 inches space in between us. The air felt cold against my skin. Ramdam ko iyong pagtaas ng mga balahibo ko. I wanted to wrap the scarf around my body, but then I remembered na ginamit nga pala namin iyon para upuan kanina sa may buhanginan.

Tahimik lang kaming naglalakad hanggang sa maka-rating kami sa may playground. It was empty dahil gabi na.

“You wanna sit on the swing?” he asked. I shook my head. “I’ll spray alcohol.”

I shrugged. “Okay,” sagot ko dahil sa isa sa mga napa-nood kong movie ay naka-upo iyong bidang babae sa may swing at itinu-tulak siya nung bidang lalaki. Austin Archangel sprayed alcohol on the seat and then grabbed a handful of tissue at saka pinunasan iyon. “Thank you,” I said after he motioned na maupo ako roon.

I sat on the swing. Akala ko ay itutulak ako ni Austin Archangel kagaya nung sa mga palabas kaya lang ay naupo siya roon sa may katabi. Naka-tuwid iyong mga legs kagaya nung sa akin kaya naman kitang-kita ko kung gaano kahaba iyong legs niya kumpara sa akin.

“Did you really mean that?” he asked.

I was trying to swing myself gamit iyong mga paa ko. “Mean what?”

“That you didn’t care that I was your first kiss?”

Tumingin ako sa kanya. “Our lips barely touched,” I replied. “I did not think that it was a proper kiss,” I continued.

“Yes, but still…”

“But still what?” I asked because I hated hanging questions. Kung hindi niya itatanong ngayon, that would keep me up at night and I would hate it.

“You’re still my first kiss and I’m still yours.”

“I know.”

“And… that’s it?”

I nodded. “We accidentally kissed,” I stated dahil iyon naman talaga ang nangyari. “It’s not like the other kisses wherein the two characters decided to kiss… Kasalanan nung alon iyong nangyari sa ating dalawa,” I explained.

Hindi nagsalita si Austin Archangel. I focused on trying to swing myself, but in the middle of trying, tumayo si Austin Archangel at tumayo sa likuran ko. He gently pushed me kaya naman nakapagswing na ako. Iniangat ko iyong mga paa ko para hindi sumayad sa lupa.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“For what?” I asked, confused because what was he apologizing for?

“For accidentally taking your first kiss,” he replied. “It should’ve been like something straight out from the movies.”

“Not your fault,” I said.

“Still, I’m really sorry. I wish it could’ve been better.”

“How? You don’t have the experience.”

“I don’t need experience.”

“How would you know?”

“I just know.”

“Dominic said—”

He groaned. “Please let’s not talk about him now?”

Lumingon ako at nakita ko na naka-simangot siya. “Why?”

“I just don’t want to talk about him.”

“Okay,” I said. “Don’t beat yourself about it—I was not expecting much from you. It was your first kiss.”

Napa-awang iyong labi niya. “Hey, that’s foul.”

“Why?”

“I think I can kiss better than that.”

“I guess I’ll never know,” sabi ko at saka tumalikod. Hinihintay ko na muli niya akong itulak, pero lumipas ang 10 segundo, pero hindi pa rin ako guma-galaw. I turned around and saw that he was probably staring at my back dahil nang lumingon ako ay agad na nagtama ang mga mata namin.

“If you give me a chance, I’ll prove it,” he said.

“Did you brush your teeth?” I asked but he was silent.

“I… have a gum.”

Tumayo na ako dahil mukhang hindi na ako itutulak pa ni Austin Archangel. I dusted the sand from my shorts. I looked at him and shook my head. “Not the same thing,” I said before I told him na kailangan na naming maglakad pabalik ng bahay. 

**

This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). For those asking, you can use Gcash/Paypal/Paymaya/Any Virtual Card/Credit Card as a mode of payment for Patreon. For GCash, just request for your digital card via Gcash app. Best app to use is Paymaya for Patreon.

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Chapter 23

Chapter 23

The next 3 weeks, I was focused on revising my script. Pina-basa ko muna iyon kay Kaleigh at nang sabihin niya iyong sinabi rin ni Austin Archangel, nagdesisyon ako na i-revise ’to. It would take a lot of time, but that was okay. I really appreciated their honest opinion because that was the only way that I’d be better at my craft.

I would still wake up at 3AM and be at the gym before 4AM. I would do my job. And then I would head straight home para magkulong sa kwarto ko. Revising is way harder than writing. One wrong edit and the whole script would start to get confusing.

“Thank you,” I said to Austin Archangel nang abutan niya ako nung coffee in can. Last Thursday, I went to the storage area to get some clean towels, pero hindi ko napansin na naka-tulog na pala ako nung mai-sandal ko iyong ulo ko sa pader. Austin Archangel caught me sleeping. After that, palagi niya na akong binibigyan ng kape bago magsimula ang practice. He gives me a different coffee per day.

“Progress?” he asked.

“95 percent,” I replied. “Where did you get this?” tanong ko dahil masarap iyong kape na iniabot niya sa akin.

“Convenience store outside,” he said. “I’ll get you more tomorrow.”

Tumango ako. Tinawag si Austin Archangel at nagka-roon sila ng meeting sa gitna. Ngayon na iyong second round ng laban nila sa Brent. Pagka-tapos nito ay simula na ng championship. Kung mananalo ang Brent, silang dalawa na sa championship. Pero kung mananalo ang SCA, kailangan pang labanan ng Brent iyong St. Bridget’s at ang mananalo sa kanila iyong makaka-laban ng SCA sa championship.

Gusto ko nang matapos ’tong season na ’to. Ayoko nang gumising ng 3AM. Gusto ko na ulit gumising ng 7AM at magbreakfast ng cereals at maglakad-lakad sa garden namin sa umaga.

Tahimik akong naka-upo habang hini-hintay na matapos sila sa meeting nila. Pagkatapos nun ay pupunta na kami sa arena para sa game.

“Last 3 games,” sabi ni Serj. “Or if manalo ’yung Brent sa first game, last 4.”

I sighed. “I hope they lose.”

Natawa si Serj. “Oo nga, e. Para makapagconcentrate na rin ako sa postprod,” sabi niya. Nagkwento sa akin si Serj tungkol sa postproduction ng short film niya. Hindi natapos iyong kwento niya dahil pina-punta na kami sa shuttle. I did not even try to take a nap on the way to the arena dahil masyadong maingay iyong mga lalaki. Medyo dikit iyong laban nila the last time sa Brent kaya naman kailangan nilang mas galingan ngayon.

Pagdating namin doon ay hindi naka-lagpas sa mga mata ko iyong haba ng pila. Hanggang sa likuran kung saan kami papasok ay mayroong pila. I winced at the volume of the chants from the basketball supporters. Kung wala lang akong bitbit na gamit ay tatakpan ko iyong tenga ko sa ingay nila. I was starting to think na artista ang mga kasama ko at hindi collegiate athletes.

Pagpasok namin sa arena ay wala pang masyadong mga tao dahil nasa labas pa sila. Nagsimula ng magwarm-up exercise iyong mga lalaki. Hinubad nung ilan sa kanila iyong mga jacket nila. Naka-suot sila ng kulay puti na jersey. Nandoon na iyong Brent at naka-kulay blue sila na jersey ngayon. I saw Dominic who was stretching on the floor. Nang makita niya ako ay kumaway siya sa akin kaya naman kumaway din ako sa kanya.

“Karma,” sabi ni Serj sa akin. Tumingin ako sa kanya. “Kung gusto mong wala ng fourth game, ’wag mong pansinin si Dom ngayon.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Ano’ng kinalaman nun?”

Serj shrugged. “Wouldn’t hurt to try. Saka ’di naman natin schoolmate ’yan.”

I just nodded and focused on doing my job. I drew a deep breath before I began. Mas madaling gawin iyong trabaho ko kapag nasa gym lang kami, pero kapag may laro, ang daming tao na nakiki-upo sa bench. Sabi nila, mga alumni na politicians daw iyon. Wala naman akong pakialam. Sana lang ay hindi sila naka-harang kasi nadadagdagan iyong trabaho ko.

When the game started, napunta iyong unang possession ng bola sa Brent. Sobrang ingay ng buong arena. I discreetly covered my ears. By the time the season ended, siguro ay kailangan kong magpa-check-up to have my eardrums checked.

Naka-kuha agad si Dominic ng 3 points. Hindi ako maalam sa basketball, but it seemed like whatever strategy Brent was using, it was working for them. Kitang-kita ko dahil sa pagkunot ng noo ni Coach Aldrin. Napansin ko na sa mga previous games, kalahati ng first quarter pa siya tatawag ng timeout, pero sa laro ngayon ay tumawag agad siya ng timeout 5 minutes into the game dahil lamang na ng 15 points iyong Brent.

“Can’t I really clap?” tanong ko kay Serj dahil sabi niya ay ’wag kong pansinin si Dominic kahit na impressed ako sa galing niya maglaro. There was one move he did—sabi ni Serj ay eurostep daw ang tawag doon. It looked cool.

“You can clap,” sabi ni Serj. “Know what? You can shout, too.”

“I don’t want to shout.”

Natawa si Serj sa akin. Ayoko naman talagang sumigaw. Masyado nang maingay sa arena. Mas lalong maingay kapag may magsu-shoot sa freethrow line at panay boo ang naririnig ko.

“Pumalakpak ka na lang,” sabi niya.

Nang magsimula na ulit iyong laban, nasa possession ulit ng Brent iyong bola. Sina Miller, Alfuenas, at Juanico ang magagaling mula sa Brent. Mukhang nagpractice talaga sila para sa laro na ’to. Nasa may three point line si Juanico nang ipasa sa kanya ni Alfuenas iyong bola. He faked shooting it tapos ay ipinasa niya pabalik kay Alfuenas iyong bola na ipinasa naman kay Miller na biglang napunta sa ilalim ng ring. He dunked the ball and there was a bonus foul.

The crowd went wild kasabay ng pagpula ng mukha ni Coach Aldrin at paghampas niya ng clipboard sa palad niya.

Dominic was dribbling the ball for the free throw. Rinig na rinig ko iyong boo mula sa side ng SCA. I clapped when he got the ball inside the ring. Natawa si Serj sa tabi ko.

“What’s funny?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Everything,” he replied tapos ay kumuha siya ng Gatorade at uminom.

The first half ended with our team lagging by 7 points. Hindi na ako pumasok pa sa loob dahil pinapa-galitan sila ni Coach Aldrin. Pumunta na lang ako roon sa may gilid at na-nood ng half-time performance. For this afternoon, it was the street dance team. They’re really good. Ni hindi ko napansin na tapos na pala sila at papa-balik na iyong team.

“Are you okay?” I asked Austin Archangel nang madaanan niya ako dahil naka-kunot iyong noo niya. May sinabi sa kanya si Saint at tumango lang siya.

“Yeah,” he replied. “Karaminah Viel.”

“Yes?”

“Can you cheer for me?”

“Okay,” I replied. “Kailangan ko bang sumigaw?” tanong ko dahil ayoko talaga na sumigaw, but if he asks, maybe I’ll consider it. Sana ay sapat na sa kanya na pumalakpak ako.

“Clapping would be nice,” he said. “Although will you consider shouting if I get a 3 points shot?”

“You’re good at 3 points,” I said.

“Not today,” he replied.

I shrugged. “Okay,” I said. “Lalakasan ko iyong boses ko kung makaka-three points ka.”

“Thanks,” sabi niya na naka-ngiti. Mabilis na tinawag siya ni Saint pabalik sa gitna ng court. Nandoon silang tatlong magkakapatid at parang may sikretong pinag-uusapan. Naka-upo lang ako at inaabutan iyong mga players na nanghihingi ng inumin at towels.

“Isang good luck naman d’yan, Karms,” sabi ni Jed.

I frowned. “Good luck,” I said, labag sa loob ko.

Tumawa siya. “Thanks, Karma,” sabi niya bago nagjog pabalik sa gitna ng court.

When the game resumed, there’s a new play in force. Sina Phil at Jed ay nagbabantay kina Dominic at Alfuenas—I should really search for his name. I would ask Dominic kapag nagkita kami. I think that the advantage na magkakapatid iyong tatlo ay kilalang-kilala na nila ang isa’t-isa. It was reall impressive when Saint could pass the ball to either Austin Archangel or Cohen without looking at them… o baka wide lang talaga ang peripheral vision niya?

Bahagyang nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang ipasa ni Saint iyong bola kay Austin Archangel kahit na naka-tingin siya sa harapan. And when Austin Archangel got the ball, he threw it without a beat. First time kong maka-nood ng ganon sa laban nila—na walang pag-adjust sa pwesto at basta na lang niyang hinagis at pumasok naman iyon sa ring—ni hindi tumama sa gilid at na-shoot talaga.

I clapped while the arena went hysterical.

Napa-tingin sa gawi ko si Austin Archangel nang makuha ni Juanico iyong bola at nagfa-fastbreak na papunta sa side nila.

“Nice one!” I said in a much louder voice. Iyon ang sinabi ko dahil iyon ang sinasabi ng mga players na katabi ko kapag may nakaka-shoot.

Austin Archangel just smiled at me tapos ay tumakbo na siya nang mabilis pa-punta sa kabilang side.

Napa-awang iyong labi ko nang biglang mapa-higa si Dominic sa sahig at parang namimilipit sa sakit. Huminto iyong laro at naglapitan doon iyong mga ka-team niya. Iyong mga players ng SCA ay lumapit kay Saint para tanungin kung ano iyong nangyari dahil siya iyong naka-bantay kay Dominic nang mangyari iyon.

“Ano’ng mangyayari?” tanong ko kay Serj.

“Labas muna sa laro si Dom,” sagot niya.

Naka-tingin kami kay Dominic na naka-higa pa rin at mapula na iyong buong mukha. Lumapit sa kanya iyong doctor at tinignan siya. Tapos ay may stretcher at sinakay siya doon.

The game was pretty much decided after that.

---

Our team won.

Nasa labas ako at naghi-hintay na matapos sila. I was typing on my phone, telling Dominic that I was rooting for his recovery. Malapit na iyong championship at kung seryoso iyong injury niya, hindi siya makaka-laro. Sayang naman. Siya pa naman iyong nagpapa-sakit ng ulo ng buong team.

Sabay-sabay na lumabas ng dugout iyong tatlong magkakapatid. Mukhang wala sila sa mood dahil hindi sila huminto para magpa-picture at dumiretso lang sila palabas. Hindi naman nangulit iyong mga fans.

Pagbalik namin sa school, ginawa ko lang iyong trabaho at binalik ko iyong mga gamit. Pagkatapos ko ay naabutan ko si Austin Archangel na nasa labas ng gym. Mayroong concrete bench doon sa ilalim ng puno. Doon siya naka-upo at mukhang mayroong malalim na iniisip.

domiller: thanks for the concern. Thankfully just a sprain

bluethecat: makaka-laro ka next game?

domiller: no i’ll sit that one out. Hopefully will be back for the first game

bluethecat: if you need anything, tell me

Kapag may sakit ako, binibigyan ako nila Serj at Austin Archangel ng pagkain at gamot. I figured that that was the social norm, so now that Dominic’s sick, dadalhan ko siya ng gamot o pagkain, kaso lang ay hindi ko alam kung ano ang gusto o kailangan niya.

Nagta-type pa si Dominic ng reply niya nang mapa-tingin ako kay Austin Archangel at nakita na naka-tingin din siya sa akin. I put my phone inside my tote bag at saka lumapit ako sa kanya. He was wearing a white Tommy Hilfiger shirt, a black board shorts, and black Nike slides. Suot niya iyong gold na cross necklace niya. Naka-tali din iyong buhok niya.

“Congrats,” I said dahil nanalo sila.

“Thanks, I guess,” sabi niya.

Hindi ako nagsalita dahil mukhang malungkot siya. He’d talk if he wants to talk. Ayoko rin na pinipilit ako na magkwento kapag ayaw ko. I’d tell my story if I want to.

“I’ll offer to bring you to the beach, but I can’t drive,” sabi ko at napa-tingin siya sa akin. “You said before na pumu-punta ka sa beach kapag malungkot ka.”

I wasn’t the greatest when it came to deciphering emotions, but Austin Archangel’s face was not that hard to read.

A smile appeared on his face. “Thanks, but I’m fine,” sabi niya. “Are you hungry?”

“Yes,” I replied.

“Do you want to eat?”

“Of course,” sabi ko dahil gusto ko naman talaga kumain.

“I mean, with me?”

“Kasama ba ’to sa 6 dinners?” I asked. Nakaka-apat na dinner na kami. I told him to decide kung saan kami kakain dahil wala pa akong hindi nagugustuhan sa mga suggestion niya. It seemed like he knew the best places to eat in the metro.

Nang makapagdecide na kung saan kami kakain ay tumayo na kami para pumunta sa sasakyan niya. Nang tumayo siya ay nabagsak iyong bag niya. I watched as he picked up the contents of his bag—iyong susi ng sasakyan niya, iyong cellphone niya na mukhang hindi naman nabasag, iyong bote ng tubig, iyong Listerine, at iyong isang pack ng bubblegum.

“What?” he asked when he saw me watching him.

I shook my head. “Let’s go.”

Naglakad kami papunta sa sasakyan niya. Unlike any other day, walang nagpa-picture sa kanya. Diretso kaming naka-rating sa sasakyan niya. He let me choose the song. Naka-sampung kanta bago kami naka-rating sa restaurant.

“I should’ve checked,” sabi niya dahil pagdating namin doon ay maraming naka-pila. It must be really good for people to waste time to fall in line.

“Let’s just eat elsewhere,” I said.

Nandoon kami at naka-tayo sa directory ng mall at nagdedecide kung saan kami kakain. While doing so, Austin Archangel kept on running his fingers through his hair.

“Gusto mo bang magpa-gupit?” I asked dahil may barber sa gilid niya. I pointed the barbershop. “You can go there while I try to decide where to eat,” sabi ko dahil matagal ako mamili ng kakainan. I just did not want to be disappointed when it came to food.

“Really?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yes. I’ll go there once I’ve decided,” I said.

“Okay…” sabi niya tapos ay pumunta siya roon.

I stayed there and checked the review online ng mga restaurant. I checked all before I decided on the Italian one with promising reviews. I hope I would not be disappointed because I was already looking forward sa pasta selection nila.

When I was done, I went inside the barbershop. Nakita ko si Austin Archangel na naka-upo doon at ginu-gupitan. Mukha ng may gubat sa ulo niya. Mabuti na lang at nabawasan iyong bigat ng buhok niya.

Nang matapos siya ay lumapit siya sa akin. Maayos na iyong itsura niya. Maigsi iyong dalawang gilid, pero kulot pa rin iyong nasa gitna.

“You’ve decided where to eat?” he asked.

I nodded and told him the name of the Italian resto. Naglakad kami papunta roon. I ordered the carbonara dahil iyon ang may pinaka-maraming magandang review. Austin Archangel got the pasta pomodoro. He was looking at the menu for the dessert when my phone vibrated.

domiller: any food would be nice

bluethecat: italian food?

domiller: yes. Spaghetti

bluethecat: okay. Daan ko dyan bago ako umuwi.

When the waiter returned to get Austin Archangel’s dessert order, I ordered Dominic his spaghetti. Mabuti na lang at dala ko iyong credit card ni Mama for emergency purpose. May injury naman iyong tao.

“You’re really hungry,” Austin Archangel said.

I shook my head. “Para kay Dominic iyon,” sabi ko. “Also, pwede ba na dumaan sa kanila para ibigay ko iyong food?” I asked before I looked at my phone again and saw Dominic requesting I bring him a piece of cake, too. I should charge him for this. 

**

This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). For those asking, you can use Gcash/Paypal/Paymaya/Any Virtual Card/Credit Card as a mode of payment for Patreon. For GCash, just request for your digital card via Gcash app. Best app to use is Paymaya for Patreon.

If you’re having problems, you can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance.

Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Austin did not know where Dominic lived kaya naman itinuro ko sa kanya iyong direksyon. When he pulled over, I removed my seatbelt. Tumingin ako sa kanya.

“Do you want to go with me?” I asked since he told me that he knew Dominic from way before. Hindi ko alam kung gaano na ka-tagal dahil hindi niya naman sinabi sa akin. “How did you know Dominic?” I asked again because I might forget. At kapag nalimutan ko, it would bother me like an ear infection. Hindi ako makaka-tulog sa gabi sa kaka-isip kung ano iyong nalimutan ko. And prevention is better than cure kaya naman itatanong ko na ngayon.

“Same school before,” he replied.

“Tiga-SCA dati si Dominic?” tanong ko. Hindi naman kami magka-year level ni Austin Archangel kaya baka nga ka-batch niya si Dominic dati. Pero hindi ko rin alam kung ano’ng year na si Dominic. Kung magka-batch sila ni Austin Archangel, ibig sabihin ay last playing year niya na agad? Kasi captain na si Austin Archangel at last season niya na ’to.

“Elem to high school,” sabi niya.

I nodded. “Do you want to go with me to check-up on your ex-schoolmate?” I asked. Umiling si Austin Archangel… but after 3 seconds, he changed his mind and told me that he’s coming with me.

Sabay kaming bumaba sa sasakyan. I pressed the doorbell at pina-pasok kami nung guard. Naglakad kami papunta sa harap nung townhouse nina Kaleigh. I knocked on their door. I counted while waiting. I checked the pasta and the slice of cake to make sure na maayos pa sila. They’re still intact. Baka hindi ako bayaran ni Dominic kapag hindi na maayos iyong cake.

“Kara—” sabi ni Dominic. Napa-tigil siya at napa-tingin kay Austin Archangel. “You’re here, too.”

“Meron kang saklay,” I stated.

“Yeah… I was told to rest my foot,” sabi niya.

“Bakit ka naka-tayo?” I asked because if he was told to rest his foot, then he’s not very good at following instructions dahil naka-tayo siya ngayon sa harapan ko.

“Well, who’d open the door, then?”

“Si Kaleigh?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “Anyway, come on in.”

I removed my shoes and wore the house slippers. Pina-hiram ako ni Kaleigh dati kaya iyon pa rin ang kinuha ko. Austin Archangel did not move.

“Hindi ka papasok?” I asked.

“Will you just give him the food?”

I nodded. “Sisingilin ko rin siya.”

“Sisingilin?” he asked.

I nodded again. “I offered to buy him food because he’s injured, but the cake? Pina-bili niya sa akin ’yon. I would ask for payment,” I replied. I used my mother’s credit card. She gave me the supplement card, but I was told na gamitin lang iyon kapag emergency. Hindi naman emergency iyong cake ni Dominic.

His lips parted. “Right…” sabi niya. “I’ll just stay here.”

I nodded. “Okay,” sabi ko tapos ay pumasok na ako. I saw Dominic by the dining table. Inilagay ko iyong paper bag doon at iniabot sa kanya iyong resibo.

“What’s this?” he asked.

“Resibo sa cake.”

“What? I thought libre?”

“The pasta is on me. The cake is not part of the offer.”

“But I’m injured,” sabi niya sa akin sabay pakita nung paa niya. I looked at it. It looked fine as compared nung nasa sahig pa siya ng court at namumula iyong mukha sa sobrang sakit.

“You look fine,” I said, stating my observation.

He shrugged. “I may look fine, but I’m still injured. It could’ve been worse, you know?”

“But it’s not worse, so why would you dwell on such thought?” I asked. I really try not to think about the other possibilities other than what’s in front of me. It would just lead to overthinking and regret. I did not like feeling that way.

“Dunno,” he said. “Fine… where will I send the payment?”

“Wala ka bang cash?”

“You’re really making me pay?”

“Yes.”

He frowned. “I don’t have cash with me right now. I’ll give it to you the next time I see you.”

I nodded. Sa 25 pa naman iyong due ng credit card. Magkikita kami ni Dominic sa first game ng championship kung mananalo sila sa game nila sa St. Bridget’s. Kung hindi, pupuntahan ko na lang dito.

“Pagaling ka,” I said.

“You’re leaving?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“You two out on a date?” he asked.

“No,” I replied.

“Why are you always together?”

“Lagi lang kaming nagkikita,” I replied. Nagkikita kami dahil araw-araw may practice.

He nodded. “If you say so…” sabi niya. “Did anything interesting happen?”

“Like what?”

He shrugged. “Anything out of the ordinary?”

I stood there and pondered for five seconds. “Austin and I accidentally kissed,” I stated because that was out of the ordinary. Ordinarily, we do not kiss.

Dominic was drinking his iced coffee when he began to choke. I stood behind him and tapped his back dahil hindi siya maka-hinga. After a minute, naka-hinga na siya nang maayos. Inabutan ko siya ng tissue. There were tears in his eyes.

“You… kissed?”

I nodded and then told him what happened on the yacht. I would never get on a yacht again. Pakiramdam ko lang nung nandoon ako ay anytime mamamatay na ako. And if I died there and not by the way I planned, I would be upset in the afterlife. Also, I already experienced it and for that particular experience, once is enough.

“Oh, man,” sabi niya. Natatawa siya at naiiling. “You know what? You might just be my favorite human at this moment.”

“Why?” I asked. What’s his criteria?

Umiling lang siya. “Forget about flirting, you have to be my female best friend. Are you interested?”

Natahimik ako ng sampung segundo. Best friend? Just at the beginning of this semester, wala akong kaibigan. Ngayon ay may nagtatanong sa akin kung gusto ko ba silang maging best friend? This year was way different from all the previous years of my existence.

“Do I have any responsibility?” I asked.

“Nothing. You just have to update me now and then about what happens in your life.”

I nodded. “And you’ll do the same?” I asked because I was told that friendship is a symbiotic relationship. You have to give—it’s not always about taking.

“Sure… I’ll update you about my life,” he said. “But what’s your plan? Will you let Austin kiss you again?”

“If the opportunity comes up,” I said. I looked at my watch. “I have to go.”

“Aww. But you have my number? No? I’ll send it via IG. I’ll call you later. Kailan ka free?”

“9-10.”

“Will call, okay?”

I nodded. “Okay. Pagaling ka,” sabi ko bago ako lumabas.

Paglabas ko ay nakita ko si Austin Archangel na mayroong kausap na babae. I was not sure if the woman was wearing a shorts dahil mahaba iyong suot niya na puting t-shirt. But I was sure that she was not wearing any bra because I could see the outline of her nipple.

I stood there and waited.

After ten seconds, napa-tingin sa akin si Austin Archangel. His eyes widened and he pointed at me sa kausap niya. I pointed at myself, too. Kumunot ang noo ko. Pinapa-punta niya ba ako roon?

But even before I could take a single step, agad na lumapit sa akin si Austin Archangel.

“You’re done?” he asked.

I nodded. “Tapos na kayo nung kausap mo?”

He blinked. “Yeah,” he said. “I don’t know her. She just approached me.”

I nodded. “Okay.”

Naglakad kami palabas. Austin Archangel thanked the security guard who opened the gate. Pagbalik namin sa sasakyan niya ay nagsuot kami ng seatbelt tapos ay nagdrive na ulit siya papunta sa bahay namin.

“How was Dom?” he asked while he was driving.

“I said he looked fine, but he mentioned that he might not be fine,” I said.

Napa-tingin siya sa akin. “Did he mention any injury?”

I shook my head. “He just asked me kung ano ang interesting na nangyari sa akin. I asked him what he meant by that and he answered anything out of the ordinary. I answered we kissed by accident because that doesn’t ordinarily happen to me.”

Napa-tingin ako sa rearview mirror. Nakita ko na nanlaki ang mga mata niya. I just stared back at him.

“You… told him we kissed?”

I nodded. “He asked if I’ll let you kiss me again, and like I answered before, if the opportunity comes up,” I said. Napa-hinto kami dahil kulay red iyong traffic light. I leaned in and adjusted the volume of the radio because I liked the song that was playing. Hindi ko alam iyong title kaya naman kinuha ko iyong cellphone ko and opened Siri and asked what was the title of the song. Siri said that it was To The Bone by Pamungkas.

“Right…” he said. I looked at him. There was fifty-two seconds left bago maggreen iyong traffic lights. “What… kind of opportunity are we talking about here?”

Natapos na iyong countdown ng traffic lights, pero hindi pa rin ako naka-isip ng isasagot ko sa kanya. Hanggang sa maka-rating kami sa bahay ay hindi pa rin ako nakaka-sagot.

When he pulled over, I just sat there.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

I looked at him, my seatbelt still buckled. “I can’t think of an opportunity,” I said. My brain was hurting. I told him and Dominic that I would let him kiss me when the opportunity for it comes up… pero wala akong maisip na opportunity…

It would keep me up at night.

His lips parted.

“Based on what I read and watch, two people would kiss when they’re in a relationship or when they’re attracted to each other. Kapag isa lang ang attracted at ayaw nung isa, that would be sexual assault,” I explained. “I don’t know if I am attracted to you. How would I know if I am attracted to you?” I asked. “And we’re not in a relationship. Hindi mo naman ako nililigawan.”

Naka-hinga ako nang maluwag. At least naipaliwanag ko na. Kung hindi ko sinabi sa kanya ngayon, iisipin ko ito buong araw.

“Thank you,” I said dahil binigyan niya ako ng opportunity na ilabas iyong nasa loob ko. I finally unbuckled my seatbelt. Naka-hawak na ako sa bukasan ng pinto nang marinig ko na tawagin niya ang pangalan ko.

“What?” I asked, looking at him.

“You would know if you’re attracted to someone if…” sabi niya at napa-hinto siya ng walong segundo. “If you can’t stop thinking about that person. And you unknowingly smile while thinking about that person. You want to see that person all the time, if possible.”

Kumunot ang noo ko.

And then I nodded.

“Then I don’t think I’m attracted to anyone,” I said before I opened the door again. I smiled at him and thanked him for spending today with me bago ko isinara iyong pinto at saka pumasok na sa loob.

---

I took a bath and had dinner with my parents. Nagrevise ulit ako. Nung 9PM ay eksaktong tumawag si Dominic sa akin. I closed my laptop and put him on loudspeaker after 20 minutes of talking. Nakaka-pagod na hawakan iyong cellphone ko.

“So… that was it? You just left?”

I nodded. “Nasa tapat na kami ng bahay. Umuwi na ako,” sabi ko kay Dominic matapos kong i-kwento sa kanya iyong nangyari buong araw. Hindi na ako makakapagsulat sa journal ko dahil nasabi ko na kay Dominic lahat. Nakaka-pagod ulitin ulit. I would just do that this weekend.

“Oh, wow, Austin,” he said. “You’ve never had a crush?”

“I don’t know if it’s considered as a crush,” I said.

“Hit me,” sabi niya. “I mean, not literally,” he continued. “What I meant was, tell me.”

“Okay,” I replied. “I don’t know if it would be considered as a crush… but when I read books or watch movies, I sometimes think… ‘that would be nice.’”

“Okay…” sabi niya. “What movie? And book?”

“I would have to list down.”

“Send me the list?”

“Okay,” I replied.

“Are you free tomorrow?” he asked.

“It depends on what time,” I said dahil may training sa umaga, pero wala naman akong gagawin sa hapon.

“Afternoon. Tomorrow’s the game with St. Bridget’s. You wanna watch with me?”

“No,” I replied. I just watch the games because I was required. I would not voluntarily watch a basketball game. “May sasabihin ka pa ba? Magre-revise pa ako.”

He laughed. “Fine, fine… Night,” he said.

“Night,” I replied before I ended the call.

Binuksan ko ulit iyong laptop ko. Bago ako magrevise, I visited instagram. I saw an IG story of Austin Archangel. I clicked it at nakita ko na video repost iyon mula sa account ni Psalm. Naglalaro sila ng basketball. I exited after I finished watching the video. I was just browsing when I came across a photo of a girl. I clicked on it because it was weird that it would be recommended to me dahil hindi ko naman kilala iyong babae. It was just a picture of the sky from the airplane window. There was no caption, but I saw Austin Archangel liked the photo. Kaya siguro na-recommend sa akin dahil fino-follow ko si Austin Archangel.

domiller: will treat you whatever food you like. Watch basketball with me tomorrow? I need assistance. I’m injured.

domiller: we’re best friends now. It’s kind of one of the things you have to do.

bluethecat: fine.

I resumed with the revision. After an hour, I took a break and saw an IG story from Dominic’s account tagging my account. Mayroong picture doon ng tickets para sa game bukas. Nagreply lang ako ng thumbs up tapos ay bumaba ako para kumuha ng gatas. 

**

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Chapter 25

Chapter 25

“I have decided,” sabi ko nang maka-pasok ako sa loob ng sasakyan ni Dominic. Since siya ang nag-aya sa akin, I told him that he needed to pick me up sa bahay namin at kailangan din niya akong ibalik. Nagpaalam ako kila Mama na sasama ako kay Dominic para manood ng game. They wanted to meet Dominic and they were supposed to, but mayroon silang meeting na kailangang puntahan. Kilala ni Papa si Dominic dahil naka-follow siya sa collegiate basketball. That made Mama agree to let me watch the game with Dominic.

“Decided what?” Dominic asked while he began to drive. I watched as he began to maneuver the steering wheel. It’s amazing how he drives. I did not know if it was the right word to use to describe him driving, but the word cool came into mind—most especially when he’s steering the wheel.

“Where you’ll treat me food,” I said and then told him kung saan kami kakain at na pwede ko sa kanyang isend iyong link ng menu online para maka-pili na siya. I found it time-efficient to decide beforehand kaysa sa mismong restaurant ka mamimili.

“What are my options?”

“Just read the menu.”

“But I’m driving.”

“Hindi ka naman bulag.”

“But I am your best friend.”

“Kasama sa role ng best friend ang magbasa ng menu?” I asked and Dominic nodded, so I proceeded to tell him what his food options were. Hanggang sa makarating kami sa venue ay hindi pa rin siya nakaka-pili. We fell in line para sa may pila doon sa VIP section. There were girls who asked to have a picture with Dominic and he graciously agreed. He’s quite charming. No wonder naging artista siya dati.

“Hey, be careful,” sabi niya doon sa babae na nasiko ako.

“Sorry po…” sabi nung babae sa akin.

“Okay,” I replied. Okay lang naman ako. Hindi naman malakas iyong pagkaka-siko sa akin. Hindi natapos iyong pagpapa-picture kay Dominic nang pumasok na kami sa loob arena. Dumiretso kami sa designated na upuan namin.

I brought my iPad with me and just wrote script ideas while Dominic was being so rowdy beside me. I concluded na maingay talaga ang mga basketball players pagdating sa basketball—even Austin Archangel shouts when he’s watching games. It’s different for them because they’re actually passionate about basketball where I couldn’t care less about it.

“I wish I’m playing, too,” sabi ni Dominic.

“You’re winning,” sagot ko nang mapa-tingin ako sa scoreboard at lamang sila ng 15 points. I occasionally look at the scoreboard—Brent was always at least 10 points ahead.

“I know… but I want to play, too.”

“Next game,” I replied.

“Yeah… As your best friend, will you cheer for me?”

“You do know that I am from SCA?”

He nodded. “Yeah, but technically speaking, you’re not enrolled. You’re an out of school youth.”

Natahimik ako. He’s right. “Okay,” I said. “I will cheer kapag naka-shoot ka,” sabi ko dahil siya naman ang best friend ko at hindi iyong buong team nila.

Nanalo iyong Brent. Hindi agad kami naka-labas dahil na-interview si Dominic ng mga reporters. My stomach was already grumbling nang maka-balik kami sa sasakyan. At hindi rin kami maka-alis agad dahil sa traffic.

“I’m sorry I’m so popular,” he said. “But I have granola bars, if that interests you.”

“What flavor?” I asked.

“You’re not mad?”

“No,” I said. “But I am hungry.”

“Fine… I’ll get you desserts, too.”

“Okay,” I replied. “And bago ko malimutan, iyong bayad mo sa cake?” Napa-tingin siya sa akin. “Grabe… papa-bayarin mo talaga ako? Kahit ililibre kita ng dinner and dessert?”

I nodded. “Yes,” I said. Ano naman ang kinalaman nung dinner at dessert sa utang niya sa credit card ni Mama?

Dominic made me look for money around his car. 180 pesos lang naman iyong kailangan ko kaya naka-hanap ako ng pera sa glove compartment niya. Pagdating namin sa mall ay naglakad kami sa hagdan dahil sa pinaka-taas na floor kami nakapagpark at mahaba iyong pila sa elevator.

“Gisele!”

Napa-tingin sa amin iyong babae na Gisele ang pangalan. Napa-tingin sa akin si Austin Archangel. Nandito rin pala siya sa mall.

“When did you come back?” Dominic asked. Lumapit siya at niyakap siya ni Gisele.

“Last night!” Gisele said. She looked at me and smiled. “I’m Gisele,” she said, offering her hand to me.

I looked at her hand. Malinis ba iyong kamay niya? I was not sure… but Ate Gina said na kapag ginawa iyon ay kailangan kong tanggapin. Huminga ako nang malalim at tinanggap iyong kamay niya.

“Hi,” I replied. “I’m Karaminah.”

She smiled at me. Ang ganda ng ngipin niya. She was also tall. I seemed so small ngayon na katabi ko silang tatlo. I took a step back. Hindi naman nila napansin dahil nagtanong si Dominic kay Gisele kung nandito na ba siya permanently, but Gisele said na bakasyon lang daw.

“Thank you,” I said when Austin Archangel handed over an alcohol spray. Nagspray ako ng alcohol sa palad ko. I handed it back to him and thanked him again.

It was my fault that I was not listening to the conversation, but it was apparently decided na sabay kaming magdidinner apat.

“I think there’s a long line,” Gisele said nang sabihin ni Dominic kung saan kami kakain.

“Then we’ll fall in line,” Dominic replied.

“Okay…” Gisele said. “But there are other restos?” she asked, but Dominic just shrugged.

Naglakad kami. Nasa likod ako nilang tatlo. After 7 seconds, nasa tabi ko na rin si Austin Archangel. Kasabay ko siyang maglakad. He was wearing a maong pants, navy blue Ralph Lauren polo shirt, and white Nike air force shoes. He was also wearing a different cologne.

“You changed your cologne,” I stated.

“What?”

“Hindi Tom Ford.”

“Oh… Yeah. Naubos.”

“Hindi ka bibili?”

“Why?”

“I like that better,” I replied.

He blinked. “Noted,” he said. “So… you watched the game with Dom?”

I nodded. “He promised to treat me dinner and dessert,” I said.

“Really…” he said like I was lying.

“Yes. That’s why we’re here.”

“Told you there’s a line,” Gisele said nang dumating kami. “Let’s eat somewhere na lang.”

Naka-tingin sa akin sina Dominic at Austin Archangel. I just stared back at them. They both looked at Gisele and told her that we’ll just wait.

Naka-upo kami sa may waiting area.

“So, Karaminah… you’re Dom’s friend?” Gisele asked.

“Best friend,” I replied.

“Best friend, huh?” sabi ni Gisele at tumingin kay Dominic. “Didn’t know you do best friends.”

Dominic shrugged. “You don’t know a lot of things about me,” he replied. “So… you and Austin,” Dominic replied. “Surprised to see you two together.”

Gisele laughed. “Why? We’re friends!”

“Right,” Dominic replied. “That’s not what I remember, but hey—recollections may vary, right?”

I quietly sat there and tried to tune them out. Inilabas ko iyong iPad ko at nagpatuloy sa sinu-sulat ko na mga ideas. I might use Gisele as one of my female lead inspiration because she’s really beautiful. I thought she’s a model because of how she looked, but she said earlier that she’s studying fashion design. Mas interesado daw siyang gumawa ng damit kaysa magsuot. Ako rin naman—mas interesado akong magsulat kaysa umarte. Not everyone wants the spotlight.

“Finally,” Gisele said nang papasukin na kami.

I told the waiter my order. Tinanong ako ni Dominic kung ano ang order niya, but I just shook my head dahil wala naman siyang sinabi sa akin.

After 28 minutes, the food arrived. I quietly ate my food while they talked. Sometimes, they’d ask me and I would answer and would just go back to eating.

“Nice meeting you, Karaminah,” Gisele said, smiling at me.

I smiled back because that’s what’s proper to do. “Nice to meet you, too, Gisele.”

“Take care, you two,” sabi ni Gisele sa amin ni Dominic. Tumingin siya kay Austin Archangel. “Can we swing by the department store? I have to get something.”

Austin Archangel nodded. Tumingin siya sa akin. Tapos ay tumingin kay Dominic.

“Don’t overspeed,” sabi ni kay Dominic bago sila naglakad dalawa paalis.

Napa-tingin ako kay Dominic na may bakas ng pagtawa sa mukha. “Bakit ka tuma-tawa?” tanong ko sa kanya.

Dominic shook his head. “Nothing… some people are just too amusing,” he replied as we started to walk towards the elevator para pumunta sa parking lot.

---

I looked at my watch nang makita ko si Austin Archangel na naka-upo sa bench sa labas ng gym. May practice ngayon dahil magsisimula na iyong unang game para sa championship in two days.

“It’s 4AM,” I said. Practice started at 4AM. Why was he out when it’s already 4AM?

“Coach had an emergency—he said we’ll just meet later at 9,” he replied.

“That’s an option?” I asked dahil bakit pa kami nagpapaka-hirap na gumising nang maaga?

“Only during emergencies,” Austin Archangel replied.

“Okay,” I said. Napa-tingin ako sa pinanggalingan ko, pero wala na roon iyong sasakyan. I got my phone to call Kuya Robert, but Austin Archangel told me na ihahatid niya na lang ako.

“Umuwi na ba sila?” I asked.

“Some,” he replied.

“Iyong iba?”

“Playing.”

“Basketball?”

“Yeah.”

“Hindi kayo nagsasawa?”

“Never,” he replied. “You want coffee?”

“Okay,” I said.

Dumaan kami sa drive thru. I ordered an iced chocolate drink and Austin Archangel got an iced Americano. The song To The Bone was playing again in the radio. Iyon siguro ang sikat na kanta ngayon.

“How did you become best friends with Dominic?” he asked habang naghihintay kami sa order namin.

“He told me we should be best friends.”

“That’s it?”

“Yes. He offered and I accepted.”

Napa-tingin ako sa rearview mirror at nakita ko na naka-kunot iyong noo niya. I told him na naka-alis na iyong sasakyan namin kaya magdrive na siya.

“Thank you,” sabi niya roon sa nag-abot ng order namin. I thanked the woman, too.

I drank my drink habang inilagay lang ni Austin Archangel sa cup holder iyong inumin niya. Nang maka-rating kami sa subdivision, before I could unbuckle my seatbelt, Austin Archangel asked me if I wanted to walk around the subdivision. I thought about it for five seconds before I agreed. Hindi pa ako nakakapaglakad sa subdivision ng madaling-araw.

Mayroong konting mga bituin sa langit. I was quietly enjoying my drink habang naka-upo ako sa swing.

“Karaminah Viel,” he said.

“Austin Archangel,” I mimicked.

Hindi ako naka-rinig ng kung anuman sa kanya kaya naman napa-tingin ako. He was staring at me. Kumunot ang noo ko.

“Why?” I asked because it has been a minute at hindi pa rin siya nagsasalita.

“So… I just have to ask, right?”

“Ask what?”

“Permission?”

“For what?”

Hindi muli siya nagsalita. Naubos ko na iyong inumin ko. I stood up para itapon iyon sa basurahan. Pagbalik ko ay hindi pa rin siya nagsasalita kaya naman nagswing na lang akong mag-isa.

“You said you’re not attracted to me right now,” he said.

“I did say that,” I confirmed.

“Dom’s already your best friend,” he murmured.

“Do you want to be my best friend, too?” I asked.

Umiling siya.

“Okay,” I said. “I just thought I’d offer.”

I resumed to swinging. This was actually fun. Tumayo si Austin Archangel at pumwesto sa likuran ko. He gently pushed me again. I raised my legs six inches from the ground.

“I want to be your boyfriend,” he said.

“You’re already my boy friend,” I replied.

“Not boy space friend. Boyfriend.”

“Why?”

“Because…” sabi niya at saka tumigil. “Because I like you.”

“I like you, too,” I replied. If I did not like him, I would not even go near him.

“I like you in a different way.”

“Different how?”

“I like you like… like how the male leads in the stories you read and the movies you watch like the female leads.”

My eyes widened a little.

“Oh.”

“Right.”

Hindi ako nakapagsalita.

I was actually speechless.

“I know you don’t like me like that right now, but if you’ll let me court you, maybe you’ll see me in a different light. What do you think?”

Hindi pa rin ako makapagsalita. Austin Archangel kept on gently pushing me. I held on to the chains of the swing tighter.

“Can I think about it?” I asked.

“Of course,” he replied.

“If I say no, would you be mad?”

“No,” he replied. “I will be hurt, but never mad.”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” he said.

“I will tell you after the championship.”

“Okay,” he replied. “Thank you for considering it.”

“You’re welcome,” I said bago ko ibinaba iyong mga paa ko para mahinto iyong pagswing. I stood up and told him I wanted to go home already. 

**

This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). For those asking, you can use Gcash/Paypal/Paymaya/Any Virtual Card/Credit Card as a mode of payment for Patreon. For GCash, just request for your digital card via Gcash app. Best app to use is Paymaya for Patreon.

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Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Huminga ako nang malalim habang naka-tayo sa labas ng gate. I looked at my watch and realized that I’d been standing there for five minutes already.

“Karms.”

I sighed when I heard that voice. Nakita ko si Jed na naka-tayo sa gilid ko. Mayroon siyang hawak na cup mula sa Cafe Dominiqué. He was already in his jersey minus the jersey shirt dahil naka-suot siya ng puting t-shirt.

“Punta kang gym?” he asked.

“That’s the plan,” I replied.

“Okay,” he said, his brows furrowed. “Gusto mo sabay na tayo?”

Normally, I would not say yes to anything that Jed would offer. But I had been standing here for five minutes already and any minute more would make me late for the training.

Sabay kaming naglakad ni Jed. He was talking about how they would destroy Brent sa unang laban nila. And he was very particular about Juanico and how he’s an asshole because apparently, he’s from SCA and he just transferred to Brent para maging captain siya dahil so far, puro GDL ang mga nagiging captain sa team.

Pagdating namin sa court, nandoon na iyong mga players. Jed announced our arrival kaya naman napa-tingin silang lahat sa amin. I just ignored them as usual at saka lumapit ako kay Serj para tulungan siya.

“Morning,” he greeted.

“Morning,” I replied using the same tone.

Walang nagsalita sa aming dalawa at tahimik lang naming inayos ang lahat. Saktong 9AM dumating si Coach Aldrin. He looked different than his usual demeanor. His voice sounded more stern. I just stood on the side and listened to everything he said.

After ten minutes of berating the players, nagsimula na iyong practing game. They were just practicing the old techniques, pero mayroong mga bagong technique sila na ginagawa—most of them involving Saint and Austin Archangel, probably because they’re siblings and they really do have a great chemistry in court. I wondered kung paano nung nandito pa iyong si Psalm. Nagkaroon kaya ng pagkakataon na lahat sila ay nasa court?

That would probably have caused a serious meltdown given how popular the siblings are in and out of school.

“Hi,” Austin Archangel said nang ilabas siya sa laro. Lumapit siya sa akin.

“Hi,” I replied.

He was looking at me. “Uh… can I get a bottle of Gatorade?”

I nodded and then grabbed a blue bottle of Gatorade for him dahil iyon ang lagi niyang kinu-kuha.

“Thanks,” he replied as I handed him the drink.

He was standing beside me. I was watching the game. Kung manalo sila sa unang laro, kapag nanalo sila sa pangalawa ay champion na iyong team. That would mean—

“What is the probability of SCA winning the first game?” I asked.

Napa-tingin sa akin si Austin Archangel. Hindi pa niya nabubuksan iyong Gatorade. “What?”

“The probability of winning tomorrow’s game,” I repeated the question I just asked.

“I can’t say,” he replied. “Games are unpredictable.”

“I see.”

“Why are you asking?”

“I’m just making a mental computation kung kailan ko dapat sagutin iyong tanong mo,” I said. He was in the middle of opening the cap of Gatorade nang mapa-tigil siya. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. “It’s either I have four more days or seven more days.”

He blinked twice before his lips parted. “O…kay?”

“I researched.”

“About what?”

“What allowing you to court me would entail.”

He blinked twice again. “Care to share?”

I nodded. “Kung liligawan mo ako, based on Filipino tradition, kailangan mo akong haranahin. Sanay ka bang kumanta?”

His lips parted. “No, not really… and I don’t think anyone does that anymore.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Talaga?”

Austin Archangel nodded. “Pretty sure… but if you want me to serenade you, I will try but no guaranty that you’ll like what you’ll hear.”

I nodded. “Noted,” I said. “So, I suppose hindi mo rin ako ipagsisibak ng kahoy?”

Austin Archangel pressed his lips together. “I mean… if you insist?”

I shook my head. “Not really,” I replied. “Wala naman akong paggagamitan sa mga kahoy.”

He nodded. “Noted,” he said. “So far, no harana and no kahoy,” he continued.

“I think mali iyong napuntahan kong site,” sabi ko sa kanya.

“Yeah, your research sounded pretty outdated.”

“Agreed. So, ano ang mangyayari kung sakaling payagan kitang ligawan ako?”

Austin Archangel capped the bottle again. I saw him take a deep breath. “I will take you to lunch or dinner sometimes.”

“Will I choose which restaurant?”

“Always,” he replied. “I will text and or message you at least three times a day—good morning text, have you eaten lunch text, and are you home already text. It’s up to you if we’ll text more in between those proposed times.”

I nodded. “Okay.”

“If you’re up for it… FaceTime.”

“Because you want to see my face?”

“Always,” he replied.

I blinked. “Okay.”

“I will ask at least once a week if I can visit you at your house.”

“You have to ask my parents.”

“Already asked them before I asked you if you’ll allow me to court you.”

I blinked again. “You did?”

He nodded. “Basic courtesy.”

Tumango ako. “Is that it o meron ka pang idadagdag?”

I looked at him and saw his Adam’s apple move up and down. “If you’re up for it… I would like to post your photo on Instagram stories… Not your face if you’re not comfortable—just your back or silhouette.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Why?”

“Because.”

“Because what?”

He cleared his throat. “To tell people that I already have my eyes on someone,” he said before his name was called and he put the Gatorade bottle on the bench and jogged back to the court.

“Okay ka lang?” Serj asked.

I looked at him. “I don’t know,” I said as I tried to focus on the game.

---

After the practice, mabilis kaming nag-ayos ng gamit ni Serj dahil may kailangan pa siyang puntahan. Gusto ko nang umuwi para kumain ng tanghalian dahil 2PM na. Hindi umattend sa klase iyong mga players—apparently, they’re excused. What a privilege.

“Hi,” Austin Archangel said. Napa-tingin si Serj sa kanya at kumunot ang noo. Austin Archangel cleared his throat. Iniwan kami ni Serj. “Are you headed home?”

I nodded. “Gutom na ako.”

“You want to have lunch somewhere?”

“Hindi mo pa naman ako nililigawan,” sabi ko sa kanya dahil kasama iyon sa mga gagawin niya kapag niligawan niya na ako—ang ilibre ako ng pagkain.

“Yes but… as friends, I can still buy you food.”

I nodded. “As friends, hindi mo ba pwedeng gawin iyong ibang mga sinabi mo kanina na gagawin mo kapag niligawan mo ako?”

His lips parted. “I think can… but I’d feel weird.”

“Why?”

“Because I really don’t do those things for friends.”

“Para sa nililigawan lang?”

“Not necessarily.”

“Why not necessarily?”

He cleared his throat again and looked at the door of the gym imbes na sa akin na kausap niya. “I only intend to do that with you.”

I blinked. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” he said, still looking at the door of the gym. “So… what about lunch? As friends?”

I stood there, thinking if I would say yes dahil nagtext na si Ate Gina na sinampalukan iyong ulam sa bahay and I already planned my lunch. I was about to tell Austin Archangel about the sinampalukan when someone called him by his nickname Arch. Napa-tingin ako roon at nakita ko si Gisele. She was by the door of the gym and she was waiving at Austin Archangel. She looked so casual with her attire—mom jeans, white shirt na naka-tuck-in, white Oran sandals, and black Chanel shoulder bag. She looked like she had no make-up on maliban sa pulang lipstick niya.

“Hi, Karaminah!” she greeted nang lumapit siya.

“Hi, Gisele,” I replied.

Tumingin siya kay Austin Archangel. “Was calling you, but you’re not answering so… I’m here. I’m bored. You wanna have lunch?”

Tumingin sa akin si Austin Archangel. I furrowed my brows. Tumingin siya kay Gisele. “I already have plans,” he said. Tumingin muli siya sa akin.

“Uuwi na ako,” I said.

Austin Archangel blinked. “Oh.”

I looked at Gisele and said goodbye. Nagpaalam na rin ako kay Austin Archangel at umuwi sa bahay para kumain ng sinampalukan.

---

“Di ka ba kakain?” tanong ni Ate Gina nang maka-pasok ako ng bahay.

Umiling ako. I just wanted to take a half-bath and stare at the ceiling. Pero biglang dumating si Kuya Robert at lumapit siya kay Ate Gina. They’re married. They love each other. What made them decide?

“Dumaan kayo sa boyfriend-girlfriend, ’di ba?”

Napa-tingin sila sa akin. Kumunot ang noo ni Kuya Robert at napa-ngiti si Ate Gina. Hinatak ni Ate Gina iyong upuan at naupo roon. Si Kuya Robert naman ay binuksan iyong ref at kumuha ng pitsel at saka nagsalin ng tubig sa baso.

“Ilang beses ko na kayang na-kwento sa ’yo kung paano ako niligawan nitong si Roberto!” sabi ni Ate Gina.

Tumango ako. “Binibilhan ka niya ng pandesal kada umaga,” sabi ko dahil limang beses ko nang narinig iyong kwento na iyon at sa tuwing ikinu-kwento niya ay mas lumalayo iyong pinagbibilhan ng pandesal ni Kuya Robert. Iyong unang kwento niya ay sa labas lang ng subdivision iyong bakery. Sa pinaka-huli ay nasa kabilang bayan na iyong tindahan.

“Dun napupunta sweldo ko dati,” singit ni Kuya Robert at inirapan naman siya ni Ate Gina.

“Bakit mo naitanong?”

“Gusto raw ni Austin Archangel na maging boyfriend ko.”

Napa-tingin ako kay Kuya Robert nang bigla siyang mabilaukan sa iniinom niyang tubig. Agad na tumayo si Ate Gina at tinapik iyong likod niya. Ganito ba kapag magboyfriend? Kapag nabulunan ay kailangan mong tapikin iyong likod? Paano kung ayoko?

Aalis na sana ako dahil isang minuto na ang lumipas ay hindi pa rin okay si Kuya Robert, pero sabi ni Ate Gina na ’wag daw akong gagalaw. Naka-tayo lang ako roon at pinapa-nood sila.

“Sinabi ’yun ni Austin?”

I nodded. “Kaninang madaling-araw.”

“Ano’ng sabi mo?”

“Pag-iisipan ko,” I replied. “Ano’ng consideration nang pumayag kang maging boyfriend si Kuya Robert bukod sa pandesal?”

“Grabe, para namang mukha akong pandesal niyan,” sabi niya. “Pumayag ako kasi gusto ko siyang kasama. Nag-e-enjoy akong kausap siya. Kasi kapag ganyan na boyfriend, makakasama mo ’yan sa mga gagawin mo. Kumportable ka naman ba d’yan kay Austin?”

I nodded. I actually liked doing things with him. He does not force me to do things I do not like. He always gives me alcohol kapag may hinawakan ako. He cleans the things I’d use or touch. Hindi rin siya maingay. He lets me be quiet and does not force a conversation.

“Oh e ’di magpa-ligaw ka muna?”

“But I actually also feel those things with Serj and Dominic, too,” sabi ko. I also enjoy their company and I like hanging with them. Ibig sabihin ba nun ay gusto ko rin silang maging boyfriend?

“Susko naman, Karaminah. Isa-isa lang! Mababash ka niyang online, tinuhog mo parehong sikat na basketball player!”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Tinuhog?”

“Nagtanong ba si Dominic na gustong maging boyfriend mo?”

Umiling ako. “Best friends na kami.”

“Si Serj?”

Umiling ako. “Friends.”

“Oh, ayon naman pala… E ’di si Austin lang ang dapat ikonsidera.”

I sighed. “Aakyat na ako.”

Dumiretso ako sa kwarto. I took a full bath instead of the half-bath planned. Tinuyo ko iyong buhok ko habang nanonood ng movie sa laptop. I was watching the two characters… because Austin Archangel said that that was how he likes me…

I sighed again and ended the movie.

I opened the Microsoft Word to write. I needed to write today. I needed to be consistent in writing—if I slack off for one day, tatamarin na ako sa susunod.

Pumunta muna ako sa Instagram. I watched the stories at nakita ko iyong story ni Dominic na naglalaro siya at bigla siyang nagdunk. I watched the other stories of the cat accounts I followed. Then I went to the explore page and I saw Gisele’s face again. May picture siya roon na suot niya iyong damit niya kanina. I clicked on it. The caption was ‘As always, comfort over style. 📸 austingdl’

I closed the window and stared at the empty Microsoft word screen again. 

**

This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). For those asking, you can use Gcash/Paypal/Paymaya/Any Virtual Card/Credit Card as a mode of payment for Patreon. For GCash, just request for your digital card via Gcash app. Best app to use is Paymaya for Patreon.

If you’re having problems with gcash etc, you can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance.

Chapter 27

Chapter 27

“Karma!”

Napa-tingin ako sa pinanggalingan ng boses. Nakita ko si Kaleigh na kuma-kaway sa akin. Ginaya ko iyong ginagawa niya. Lumapit siya sa akin. She was holding a red covered cup with a red straw.

“I’ve been reading your script,” sabi niya at saka binigyan ako ng thumbs up gamit iyong libreng kamay niya.

I blinked. “Talaga?”

She nodded. “Yeah… I actually really like the premise. Hindi pa ako tapos magbasa, but I have a good feeling about it.”

I blinked again. “Oh… Thank you,” I said.

She smiled. “Good job, really. Laki ng improvement from before,” sabi niya bago nagpaalam sa akin para sabihin na doon siya sa side ng Brent mauupo kahit na tiga SCA siya. Apparently, Dominic’s parents, made her promise na magccheer siya para kay Dominic. Nasa USA pala iyong parahong parents niya at hindi makaka-uwi para manood ng championship.

It took me exactly a minute bago ako naka-balik sa pwesto ko. Sobrang daming tao. Sobrang ingay. I initially thought that the initial excitement would die down, but I was wrong—maingay pa rin ang mga tao. Kasing lakas ng bawat hampas sa drums iyong kabog ng dibdib ko.

During normal games, nakaka-upo ako sa bench. Pero ngayon na championship, naka-tayo lang kaming dalawa ni Serj dahil nasa bench iyong mga politicians. Hindi ko sila kilala. Maybe I should start reading the news dahil nakaka-alarma na wala akong kilala ni isa sa kanila.

“Mas mahaba ba ’to compared sa normal game?” tanong ko kay Serj.

“Pareho lang naman, pero baka magka-extension.”

I sighed. “Kapag nanalo tayo ngayon, kapag nanalo sa susunod, tapos na, ’di ba?” He nodded. Napa-tingin ako kay Dominic na nasa three-point line at nagsu-shoot ng bola. He’s really good. Nakita ko rin sina Juanico at Alfuenas. Tumingin ako sa side namin at nandoon iyong tatlong magkakapatid.

Bahala na.

Isang game lang naman ang pinagka-iba.

It was already 4:30PM when the game officially started. Si Austin Archangel, as usual, iyong nasa gitna. Si Juanico naman iyong nasa kabila. I watched them closely since magka-team pala sila dati bago lumipat si Juanico. They were not talking. Bakit kaya hindi na si Dominic? Baka ayaw nila na maulit iyong nangyari dati na dumugo iyong gilid ng labi niya?

When the ball was tossed in the air, Brent iyong naka-kuha ng unang possession, pero mabilis iyong naagaw ni Saint. Hinagis niya iyong bola kay Cohen na biglang nasa dulo na ng court. I still could not understand kung paano nila nagagawang tumakbo ng ganoon kabilis.

Napa-takip ako ng tenga nang makuha ni Cohen iyong unang puntos. Napa-tingin ako kay Serj nang matawa siya sa tabi ko. Nakaka-isang season na ako, pero hindi pa rin ako nasasanay. Maybe I needed to find another scholarship.

---

“Is this a good thing?” I asked Serj nang matapos iyong unang quarter pero 6-10 lang ang score nila—with SCA on the lead. Kung hindi naba-block iyong shot ay naaagaw naman ng kabila. It was frustrating to watch.

“Yes,” sabi niya.

“Are you enjoying this?”

“Strangely… yes,” sagot niya sa akin.

Pareho kami ni Serj na nandito dahil sa scholarship. Pareho kaming hindi fan ng basketball. Mas gusto niyang magdirect ng film at mas gusto kong magsulat ng script.

“Wala ka rito last season, pero hindi ganito ’yung championship. I guess naka-tulong talaga sa Brent ’yung paglipat ni Juanico at pagdating ni Dom,” he said, shrugging.

I shrugged, too, as I continued to do my work. Nag-abot lang ako ng Gatorade at towels sa mga players. Kahit iyong mga politicians ay nanghihingi sa akin ng inumin. I was in no mood to tell them na hindi naman sila kasama sa team, kaya naman binigyan ko na lang din sila. Kapag nakipagtalo ako, kailangan ko pang sumigaw dahil maingay sa arena. I just chose the easier road.

“Karaminah Viel.”

Napa-tingin ako sa likod ko nang may tumawag sa akin. Nandoon si Austin Archangel. May butil ng mga pawis sa noo niya. Suot niya na naman iyong walang kwentang headband niya. Mayroong mga puting Kinesio tape sa magkabilang balikat niya.

“Can I get a good luck?” he asked.

“Good luck,” I replied.

Napa-ngiti siya, pero sandali lang. “Thank you,” sabi niya. “Can I sit here?” tanong niya sabay turo doon sa space sa tabi ko. Dapat ay doon siya sa bench, pero puno ng ibang tao roon. Tumango na lang ako sa kanya. Naupo siya roon tapos ay nanood na siya ng laro.

“Hey, best friend,” sabi sa akin ni Dominic nang naka-tayo siya sa may malapit sa akin at kasama niya si Phil. Nandoon sa free-throw line si Juanico para sa tatlong libreng shoot niya.

“Hi,” sagot ko.

Tumingin si Dominic kay Austin Archangel. “Pagod ka na?”

I looked at Austin Archangel who was still on the floor. His legs were stretched straight. Tumingin lang siya sandali kay Dominic bago ibinaling iyong tingin kay Juanico.

Pumasok iyong unang shot.

Napa-hinga na naman ako nang malalim.

Nagpatuloy iyong laro. When the first half-ended, tie iyong score. Ni hindi ako nagtangkang pumasok sa dugout dahil sa labas pa lang ay rinig ko na iyong boses ni Coach Aldrin. Naka-tayo lang ako sa labas habang hinihintay sila na matapos. Kalahati na lang iyong game. After nito makaka-uwi na rin ako.

“Karaminah!”

Napa-tingin ako sa tumawag sa akin. Nakita ko si Gisele na lumapit. She was wearinga maong cut-off shorts, white tank top, tapos ay may naka-tali na jacket sa bewang niya. She was also wearing a pair of white sneakers.

“Am I late?”

I nodded. “Tapos na iyong first half.”

“Score?”

“Tie.”

“Yikes,” sabi niya. Sabay kaming napa-tingin sa pintuan dahil biglang lalong lumakas iyong boses ni Coach Aldrin. Tumingin sa akin si Gisele. “Hi,” sabi niya sa aking muli.

“Hi,” ulit na sabi ko.

“I’m Gisele,” sabi niya.

“I know,” I replied.

She chuckled. “Right,” she said. “But I mean, I’m gonna be here in Manila for a month and it seems like Austin’s always telling me that he’s with you whenever I’d invite him to hang. I don’t know—I guess we can be friends… if you like?”

Hindi ako naka-sagot agad.

Hindi ko kilala si Gisele… but she reminded me of the girls from my high school.

“I will think about it,” I replied.

She blinked. “Oh. Okay.”

“Okay,” sagot ko bago ako umalis at nagsabi na pupunta muna ako sa CR. But when I arrived at the CR, hindi rin ako naka-pasok sa cubicle dahil bigla kong naalala kung paano ako kinulong doon dati. I’d be late for class and I could not tell them why because I was told na kapag nagsabi ako, ikukulong nila ako ulit. It was a vicious cycle.

It was only when Serj called my phone when I realized that I’d been in the CR for 16 minutes already.

Pagbalik ko sa court, agad na nakita ng mga mata ko na naka-tayo na si Austin Archangel at katabi niya si Gisele. I went to the opposite side para ayusin iyong mga towel at bigyan ng Gatorade iyong mga politicians. Binigyan ko rin ng Gatorade si Coach Aldrin para ma-hydrate siya.

With 8 minutes and 42 seconds remaining in the 3rd quarter, Austin Archangel was back in the court at umalis si Cohen. The play that they practiced repeatedly was used in the game kaya naman naka-puntos agad sila. Saint’s been practicing shooting from different sides of the court. Halos mabingi ako sa ingay ng maka-shoot siya mula sa gitna ng court.

I clapped while the others shouted.

The game continued at nakaka-shoot din sa kabilang team sina Miller at Juanico. Sa team naman namin si Saint mostly at si Austin Archangel. I clapped kapag nakaka-shoot si Austin Archangel. Napa-tingin sa akin si Dominic and he frowned. Pumapalakpak na rin ako kapag nakaka-shoot siya. Ang sakit na ng palad ko.

I still did not know why, but this game was longer than usual. Pumunta akong muli sa CR, pero pagbalik ko, na-foul si Austin Archangel. I ignored it dahil normal naman ang ma-foul sa game, but he looked so… annoyed. Pina-labas siya ni Coach Aldrin sa game. Akala ko ay uupo siya sa sahig kagaya ng palagi niyang ginagawa, pero dumiretso siya papunta sa dugout. Napa-hinto ako sa kinatatayuan ko. Why was he upset? What happened?

I was about to follow him nang makita ko na sumunod sa kanya si Gisele.

“Cohen,” I asked dahil nasa tabi ko siya at naka-tingin din sa nangyari.

“Yes?” sagot niya sa akin.

“What happened?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Hindi mo ba pupuntahan iyong kapatid mo?”

“But the game…” sabi niya sa akin. “Why don’t you go to him?”

“Kasama niya na si Gisele.”

“Right,” sabi ni Cohen. “But you should still go see him. I’ll stay here and watch the game.”

I blinked. “Okay,” sabi ko at nagbilin kay Cohen na magbigay ng Gatorade kapag may nanghingi.

Dumiretso ako papunta sa dugout. I was about to open the door when I heard Gisele talking and telling Austin Archangel to calm down because it’s the championship and it’s his dream to be a captain for so long and to get the championship when he’s the captain. She also reminded him about how it’s his lifelong dream and some memories from high school.

I quietly shut the door.

Gisele knew what she’s doing. Kung papasok ako sa loob, wala naman akong masasabi. I’d just sit there in silence with him. At least siya, she’s got some encouraging words. Wala akong baon na ganoon. So, instead, I just went back to the court and watched the game.

---

“Coach, pwede ba na umuwi na ako? Nasa labas si Kuya Robert.”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Okay…”

“Thank you,” I replied. He nodded but got back to the hoard of reporters interviewing him. Sumasakit iyong ulo ko. Iba iyong level ng excitement dahil nanalo iyong SCA kahit sobrang dikit iyong laban. It took me 10 minutes and 38 seconds bago ako tuluyang naka-labas sa arena. Nakita ko agad si Kuya Robert doon sa lugar na sinabi niya kung saan naka-park siya.

“Uwi na agad?”

I nodded. “May pagkain na ba sa bahay?”

“Nagluto ata ng sinigang si Ate mo.”

I nodded. “Okay.”

My head was pounding. I wanted to sleep already, but I tried not to. Ayokong natutulog hanggang kaya ko kapag may byahe. Accidents do happen. Paano kung maaksidente kami tapos tulog ako? I wouldn’t even be able to hold on to things to protect myself.

Habang naka-hinto kami dahil mahaba iyong pila palabas, naka-receive ako ng text mula kay Austin Archangel.

‘Coach said you went home already. Are you okay?’

‘No.’

‘Are you sick? Do you want me to bring you anything? Food?’

‘No. May sinigang sa bahay.’

‘Meds?’

‘Meron.’

‘Can you think of anything you need that I can bring? I want to go see you.’

‘Makikita mo naman ako bukas.’

‘Do you not want to see me?’

Inilagay ko iyong cellphone ko sa loob ng glove compartment. Napa-tingin sa akin si Kuya Robert.

“Ayos ka lang ba?”

“No.”

“Ano’ng problema?”

“Hindi ko rin alam.”

“Sino ba ’yung nagtext sa ’yo?”

“Austin Archangel.”

“Sa kanya ka may problema?”

“Wala naman akong problema,” sagot ko. Natawa si Kuya Robert kaya naman napa-tingin ako sa kanya. “What?”

“Wala…” sabi niya habang naiiling. “Tanda ko kasi ganyan si Ate mo dati nung nagseselos siya kay Gemma, tanda mo ’yun?”

I nodded. “Iyong kasambahay ng kapitbahay namin.”

“E laging nagpapa-tulong si Gemma sa akin at ako naman na matulungin, tumu-tulong. Aba, malay ko ba na nagseselos na ’yang si Gina!” sabi niya at humalakhak. He seemed to be proud and delighted with himself.

“Nagselos si Ate Gina dahil tumutulong ka sa iba?”

“Di naman… Ayaw niya lang na may kahati sa atensyon ko,” sabi ni Kuya Robert. “May kahati ka ba sa atensyon ni Austin at nagkaka-ganyan ka?”

Napa-kunot ang noo ko. “Are you implying na nagseselos ako?”

Kuya Robert shrugged. “Bakit naman hindi?”

Mas lalong kumunot ang noo ko. My phone received a text again. Kinuha ko iyon mula sa glove compartment.

‘Okay. If you change your mind, just text me and I’ll come running. Please recover well, Karaminah Viel.’

**

This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). For those asking, you can use Gcash/Paypal/Paymaya/Any Virtual Card/Credit Card as a mode of payment for Patreon. For GCash, just request for your digital card via Gcash app. Best app to use is Paymaya for Patreon.

If you’re having problems with gcash etc, you can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance.

Chapter 28

Chapter 28

“Are you okay?” tanong ni Austin Archangel sa akin nang dumating ako sa gym para sa training. Bukas na agad iyong next game. Kapag nanalo kami ulit, huling game na iyon para sa season. Makakapagpahinga na ako. Pwede na ulit akong bumalik sa dati kong schedule.

“Yes,” I replied. Masarap iyong luto na sinigang ni Ate Gina. May uwi na strawberry cake si Papa kaya kumain din ako noon. Naka-tulog ako on time dahil sa sobrang pagod ko sa nangyari sa unang game ng championship.

“Good,” sabi niya.

“Okay,” I replied.

Pumunta ako kay Serj. Tahimik kaming dalawa na nag-aayos ng mga gamit. Panay ang paghikab niya. Nahahawa ako kaya napapa-hikab din ako.

Pagkatapos ng 18 minutes na speech ni Coach Aldrin tungkol sa performance last game, nagsimula na iyong training. Pina-practice lang nila iyong iba-ibang play pero nagdagdag ng bagong play si Coach Aldrin. Nung break, si Saint ay nasa court pa rin at nagsu-shoot mula sa iba-ibang position sa court. Iyong ibang mga players ay lumabas para humanap ng pagkain. May ipinadala na pagkain iyong isa sa mga sponsors, pero hindi pa dumadating. Hindi na sila makapaghintay kaya naman lumabas na sila para humanap ng pagkain.

“Are you hungry?” tanong ni Austin Archangel.

“Yes,” sagot ko sa kanya.

“Let’s go eat?”

“Okay,” sagot ko. Tumingin ako kay Serj. “Gusto mong sumama?” tanong ko sa kanya, pero umiling lang siya.

Lumabas kami ni Austin Archangel sa gym. He’s still wearing his white jersey dahil iyong maroon ang isusuot para sa game bukas. Paglabas namin ng gym, hindi agad kami naka-hanap ng pagkain dahil mayroong walong babae ang nagpa-picture sa kanya habang naglalakad kami palabas.

“Sorry about that,” sabi ni Austin Archangel.

“About what?”

“The pictures. You’re already hungry.”

I shrugged. “It’s not your fault,” sagot ko sa kanya. I knew they were famous, but I just realized how famous they really were… lalo na si Saint. Nung last game, nagtrending ng ilang oras iyong pangalan ni Saint, ni Austin Archangel at iyong fact na na-foul siya, iyong last name nila na GDL, pati iyong school namin. Nung pag-uwi ko rin sa bahay ay nakita ko na pinapa-labas sa balita iyong laro.

They’re really famous.

“Won’t you get sick?” tanong ko pagdating namin sa Cafe Dominiqué.

“Huh?”

“Pawis ka. Malamig sa loob,” sagot ko. The last time I went there, I thought I was in Antartica dahil sa sobrang lamig.

“Right…” sabi niya. “Do you mind going elsewhere?”

I nodded. Hindi siya pwedeng magka-sakit dahil may game na ulit bukas. Kailangang manalo nila dahil ayokong ma-extend pa iyong paggising ko nang maaga. I wanted to wake up at 7AM and eat my morning cereals and to play with Blue.

Maliwanag sa street sa palibot ng school namin. Naglakad-lakad kami. Mayroong one hour break na binigay si Coach dahil hanggang mamayang tanghali pa kami rito. Importante iyong laban bukas para tapos na ang paghihirap naming lahat.

“How about here?” tanong ni Austin Archangel nang huminto kami sa isang café na mayroon lang isang tao sa loob. Mula sa labas ay kita ko na hindi naka-jacket iyong lalaki na nag-aaral. I nodded. Mukhang hindi naman malamig sa loob.

Pagpasok namin ay tama nga ang hinala ko. Naupo kami ni Austin Archangel sa may pwesto sa may malapit sa pintuan. Nagpasalamat kami nang abutan kami ng menu nung waitress. I got the wipes from my bag and wiped it.

“What’s the best seller?” tanong ko sa waitress. We only had 44 minutes remaining. Iluluto pa iyong order namin. Kakain pa kami. Maglalakad pa kami pabalik sa gym. I had no time to ponder over what I’d order.

Sinabi ng waitress iyong best seller nila sa breakfast menu. I ordered that. Austin Archangel got the Filipino breakfast. We both said thanks.

Austin Archangel was looking at me. I looked at him, as well. And then his face turned a shade of red. Nag-iwas siya ng tingin at saka nagrequest sa waitress na dalhan siya ng bottled water.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he replied and then said thanks to the waitress pagkatapos siyang dalhan ng tubig.

“Okay,” sagot ko.

He uncapped the bottle. Nang inumin niya iyon ay naubos niya iyong kalahati ng laman nung bote. Then he capped the bottle again. Ipinatong niya sa lamesa. And then he tapped his fingers against the table. I was watching his fingers because they were pretty to look at and ang linis ng mga kuko niya.

“So…” he said.

“So?” I replied after a full minute na hindi nasundan iyong sinabi niya.

Huminga siya nang malalim. “Cohen told me that you followed me yesterday?”

I nodded. “That’s right.”

“But I did not see you.”

I nodded again. “You’re correct.”

“I was in the dugout,” he said.

“I know.”

“Why didn’t you come in?”

“Because Gisele was there.”

“So?”

“You two were talking.”

“So?”

“I don’t make it a habit to interrupt when two people are having a conversation,” I said. And then my forehead creased when I remembered Kuya Robert implying that I was jealous. Sa mga movies na napa-nood ko, nagseselos iyong bida na babae dahil may gusto siya don sa bidang lalaki. Wala naman akong gusto kay Austin Archangel kaya bakit naman ako magseselos?

“Right…” he replied.

“Okay,” I said.

“Gisele is my friend.”

I nodded. “I know.”

“Full disclosure—I liked her back in high school.”

I stared at him.

“But I never got the chance to tell her that I liked her because she told me that after graduation, she’s leaving to study abroad. But it’s been four years. I’m over that already.”

I nodded. “Okay,” I said. “Why are you telling me this?”

Huminga siya nang malalim. “Because,” he said and then took a five seconds pause. “I just want to make it clear that she’s a friend and that’s all there is to it.”

“Okay,” muling sabi ko.

“You could’ve interrupted—you’re always welcome to interrupt my conversations.”

“Hindi ako bastos.”

He laughed a little and then stopped. “Yes, of course. But I mean, yesterday, you could’ve gone inside the dugout.”

“For what? May kausap ka na.”

“Yes, but she’s not you.”

I blinked.

“I prefer you over anyone else.”

Napa-tingin ako sa waitress na napa-singhap sa tabi ko. Dala niya na iyong order namin. Ibinaba niya sa lamesa. I thanked her. I requested for a hot water at ibinabad ko iyong utensils namin doon and then cleaned it with the tissue from my bag.

“Thank you,” sabi ni Austin Archangel nang iabot ko sa kanya iyong tissue para punasan niya iyong utensils niya.

“You’re welcome,” sagot ko at nagfocus ako sa pagkain.

I was silent the whole meal. We both paid for our shares. Paglabas namin, naglakad kami pabalik sa school. Mas marami na iyong tao sa paligid. It was already 8:46AM. Walang pasok iyong buong basketball team dahil kailangan nilang magconcentrate sa practice. I wondered what would happen to them if the basketball thing does not work out? Hindi sila puma-pasok sa klase nila.

Pagdating namin sa may gym, huminto si Austin Archangel at tumingin sa akin.

“I don’t know how clearer I could be,” sabi niya. “I only like you, Karaminah Viel. You shouldn’t worry about any other girl.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “I’m not worrying.”

He smiled. “I know,” he replied before he jogged back to the court.

---

It was exactly 12NN nang matapos iyong practice namin. I was hungry and tired. I actually did not know kung ano ang uunahin ko pagdating ko sa bahay. I wanted to sleep, but I was also really hungry.

Sleep won.

I woke up at 7:08PM. Pagdating ko sa baba ay agad akong naghanap ng pagkain. Wala pa sila Mama. It was nothing unusual. I ate my dinner. I was still feeling tired, pero hindi ako makaka-tulog ulit. I just annoyed Blue hanggang sa magtago siya sa akin.

I got my phone and went to Instagram to look at pretty pictures. I saw Austin Archangel’s IG story and viewed it. After 54 seconds, he sent me a message.

austingdl: Hi. Are you free?

bluethecat: yes

austingdl: Can I go there?

bluethecat: why?

austingdl: Because I want to see you.

bluethecat: ulit?

austingdl: Yes.

bluethecat: okay

austingdl: Be there in 20 minutes.

I continued to scroll through the explore page of Instagram. I followed Gisele’s account because she’s really pretty to look at. And ang ganda ng account niya. I scrolled through her pictures at karamihan doon ay naka-like si Austin Archangel. I scrolled enough hanggang sa maka-rating ako sa taon na high school sila. There were some pictures na kasama si Austin Archangel. It seemed like they were really close.

I closed the app and then tried to watch TV. And then I turned it off because the news were making my head ache. Bago pa man ako makapagdesisyon sa susunod kong gagawin ay nagtext si Austin Archangel na nasa labas na raw siya ng bahay namin. Tumayo ako para puntahan siya.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi,” I replied.

He was wearing a light brown khaki shorts, light blue shirt, and brown Birkenstock sandals. I was wearing a plain light pink pajamas. And I smelled the Tom Ford again.

“Ano ’yan?” tanong ko sa hawak niya na paper bag.

“Lemon bars,” sagot niya. “For your family.”

I nodded. “Okay.”

Pagpasok namin ay binigay ni Austin Archangel iyong lemon bars kay Ate Gina. Sabi ni Ate Gina ay pandesal na lang daw sa susunod. Tumango si Austin Archangel. Pina-punta nila kami roon sa may garden at sinabi na dadalhan kami ng meryenda kahit busog pa ako sa dinner ko.

Naka-tingin ako sa pool. Nalinis na kaya iyon? Bakit may pool kami? Sino ang naliligo roon maliban kay Blue na minsan ay tuma-talon doon?

“Tomorrow…” he said.

“Is Saturday,” I continued.

He chuckled. “Right,” sabi niya tapos ay sumeryoso ulit iyong mukha. “I mean, you said that you’ll tell me your decision after championship… And if we win tomorrow—” sabi niya. Tumigil siya, but a full minute passed already at hindi na siya nagpatuloy pa.

“I will tell you my decision,” I said because a promise is a promise.

He nodded. Huminga siya nang malalim. Kumunot iyong noo niya. Nawala iyon. Huminga muli siya nang malalim. Pinagsalop niya iyong mga kamay niya. And then he ran his fingers through his hair.

“Whatever your decision is, I promise, no hard feelings.”

“Okay,” I said.

“I mean, I will be hurt—you’ll definitely see the sadness on my face, but just ignore that.”

I nodded again. “Okay.”

“Just…” Muli siyang huminga nang malalim. “I really like you and I hope you’ll give me a chance, but if you don’t feel that way, I won’t force you.”

I nodded again.

Dumating iyong meryenda na sinasabi ni Ate Gina. Mayroong lemon bar sa platito at mayroong tubig at mainit na kape. I took a minute to stir my coffee.

“Austin Archangel,” I called while I was stirring my coffee.

“Yes?”

“If I say no, will we still be friends?”

“Of course.”

“Hindi mo ako iiwasan?” tanong ko sa kanya dahil noong nasa high school ako, mayroon akong kaklase na nagconfess sa best friend niya, pero pagkatapos nun ay hindi na sila nag-usap ulit.

Austin Archangel’s my first friend.

I just did not want to lose the friendship.

“No,” he said. “But then again, season’s over… I don’t think we’ll see each other that much.”

I stared at the coffee. “Right…”

Kinuha niya iyong cup niya at ininom iyon. Patuloy lang ako sa paghahalo ng kape ko. When I felt like it was stirred more than enough, I sipped my coffee, too.

“Austin Archangel,” I called.

“Karaminah Viel,” he mimicked.

“Do you have your toothbrush with you?”

He eyes widened a little. He blinked. “W-why?” he asked, stuttering.

I sighed. “Do you want to kiss me?” I asked because I was still unsure kung ano ang isasagot ko sa kanya bukas… And based on the books I read and the movies I watched, the kiss might help me decide. 

**

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Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Austin Archangel’s eyes widened.

And then he blinked five times in rapid succession.

“You… want me to kiss you?” he asked, his voice lower than usual. I watched as his Adam’s apple moved up and down. And as he brushed his fingers through his hair—his hand was slightly shaking as he did so.

“Yes,” I replied. “Wala ka bang dalang toothbrush?” I asked. “We have spare toothbrush,” I offered dahil may spare naman talaga na toothbrush sa bahay namin. Iyong isang box ay nasa storage area, pero mayroong stock ng twenty unused toothbrush sa buong bahay—mayroong five per bathroom.

“No,” he replied. “I have my toothbrush in my car.”

“Okay,” I said. “Do you not want to kiss me?” I asked dahil kung ayaw niya ay hindi ko naman siya pipilitin… Although that would cause confusion on my part dahil gusto niya akong maging girlfriend, pero ayaw niya akong halikan? Hindi ba iyon ang ginagawa ng mga girlfriend at boyfriend sa mga movies na pinapa-nood ko at sa mga libro na binabasa ko?

Austin Archangel pressed his lips together. Humugot siya ng malalim na hininga. Ipinatong niya sa lamesa iyong kamay niya. I saw him tap his fingers against the table—mas mabilis iyong pagtap ng mga daliri niya ngayon kumpara sa normal na ginagawa niya.

“Of course I want to kiss you.”

“Okay. Let’s kiss,” I said.

He blinked. “Here? Right now?”

Itinuro ko iyong loob ng bahay namin. “You have to brush your teeth first,” sabi ko. Tumayo rin ako dahil kailangan ko ring magtoothbrush. Naglakad ako papasok sa loob. Muli kong itinuro kay Austin Archangel kung nasaan iyong CR kung saan pwede siyang magtoothbrush. Umakyat ako sa kwarto ko at nagtoothbrush sa CR. I brushed my teeth twice, just to be sure. I also gargled and flossed.

Pagbaba ko, I asked Ate Gina kung nasaan si Austin Archangel, pero sinabi niya na nasa labas pa raw. Lumabas din ako. I saw him standing beside his car. I walked up to him.

“Hindi mo ba dala? You can ask Ate Gina for a spare,” I said.

Hindi siya nagsalita. He nervously licked his lower lips, and then sighed. “Look, Karaminah Viel, I would love to kiss you… really,” he said, seryoso iyong tono ng boses niya. “But I don’t want to kiss you in your house.”

“We can kiss here,” I offered.

He ran his fingers through his hair again. “No, not that. I mean, your parents trusted me and I feel like it’ll be a betrayal of their trust if we kiss tonight? While we’re still just friends? Do you understand?”

“But I need to kiss you to help me decide.”

“Decide to?”

“If I’ll let you court me.”

“Is that really needed?”

I shrugged. “I read a book and the character described this thing called ’ sparks ,’” I told him. “I was just wondering kung mararamdaman ko rin ba iyon kapag hinalikan mo ako.”

He slowly nodded. “Okay…” he replied. Sumandal siya sa sasakyan niya. “I know I told you that I like you the way the male lead likes the female lead… but I feel like if you’ll compare us to the books and the movies, we’ll fall short. And I’ll try to live up to that, but it’s fiction… And I just don’t want you to be disappointed.”

Naka-tingin ako sa kanya.

“I don’t know if you’ll feel the sparks. I’m actually afraid to kiss you now because what if you don’t feel the sparks? You’ll just say no?”

I stayed quiet for a full minute, digesting what he said. He’s right—fiction is different from real life. If I would base all my decision sa mga napapa-nood ko at nababasa ko, I would also end up disappointed because those characters do not exist in real life. Meron siguro—but not exactly.

Besides, I never wanted a fictional character.

I just wanted someone who will accept me for me.

“I understand,” I replied.

Kumunot ang noo niya. “You… understand?”

Tumango ako. “I will remove all the unrealistic expectation. Sasabihin ko iyong sagot ko sa ’yo bukas kung mananalo kayo o after ng third game kung matatalo kayo bukas.”

He pressed his lips again. “Okay,” he replied.

“Okay,” I said. “Drive safe and good luck sa laro bukas.”

I took a step back para mabuksan niya iyong pinto ng sasakyan niya. Austin Archangel did not move—nanatili pa rin siyang naka-sandal doon at naka-tingin sa akin.

“Karaminah Viel,” he called.

“Austin Archangel,” I replied.

“Do you know that you make me nervous?”

I shook my head. “Why do I make you nervous?”

“I honestly don’t know… Everything you do unnerves me,” he said, smiling a little. “So…” He paused. “Whatever may or may not happen tomorrow, I will still be your friend, okay?”

I nodded. “Okay.”

Binuksan niya iyong pintuan at naupo sa driver’s seat. He rolled the windows down and looked at me. “Will you wear my jacket tomorrow?” he asked.

“Nasoli ko na iyong jacket mo.”

“I know. I’ll give it to you tomorrow when I see you.”

“Okay.”

He smiled a little. “Good night,” he said.

“Good night,” I replied before I walked back into the house.

---

It was 12NN nang dumating ako sa court. There was a catering courtesy of the sponsors of the team. Kumain na ako bago ako umalis sa bahay kaya naman naka-upo lang ako sa bench habang kumakain sila. The players were quieter than usual. After the lunch, Coach Aldrin just reviewed the plays that would be used today. After the twenty minute talk, he dismissed the players, but told them to just stay within the vicinity dahil aalis kami ng 3PM.

“Hey,” Austin Archangel said nang mapunta siya sa tabi ko. Lumabas ako ng court. I was just walking around when he caught up with me.

“Hi,” I replied.

“Here,” he said, handing me a paper bag. “Jacket.”

“Oh,” I said. “Thank you. Isusuot ko mamaya.”

“Cheer for me?” he asked.

“Sure,” sagot ko sa kanya.

Biglang uminit dahil sa araw kaya naman huminto kami sa may likuran ng gym. It looked different kapag walang mga naka-sampay na towels. Naka-sandal lang si Austin Archangel sa puting pader. I just stood there. Ayokong sumandal dahil baka madumi.

“Kinakabahan ka?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“You’ll win,” I replied, basing my statement on the record of the season… but still, bilog ang bola. Anything can happen.

“I’m not worried about that.”

“What are you worried about?”

“Your answer.”

“Oh.”

Nagkaroon ng katahimikan sa pagitan namin. I looked at him—my head tilted because of how tall he was. He was looking down on me. Kung magiging boyfriend ko siya… how would kissing work? He’s really too tall for me.

“Do you want to hear my answer now?”

His forehead creased. “You have an answer already?”

Tumango ako. “I decided before I went to sleep last night.”

His lips parted. “Oh…” he said. “I… don’t know. If it’s a no, it’ll affect my game.”

“My answer is yes,” I replied.

His eyes widened. “What?”

“I thought about what you said and you’re right—unfair kung gagamitin kong criteria iyong mga napapa-nood at naba-basa ko… It’s illogical, unrealistic, and quite frankly, unfair for the both of us. And you’ll be courting me—I can still decide if you’ll be my boyfriend. We’ll still get to know each other. And I like spending time with you. So, the logical thing to do is to say yes.”

His lips parted.

He was breathing deeply based on the rising and the falling of his chest.

“So… you’re saying yes?”

“Yes.”

“Nililigawan na kita?”

“Yes.”

A smile appeared on his face. “Oh, wow. Thank you.”

I shrugged. “You’re welcome.”

Naka-ngiti pa rin siya. “Uh… the honor is mine.”

Tumingin ako sa relo. “Kailangan ba na 3PM tayo bumalik doon?” I asked.

“It’s still early,” he said.

“We still have 54 minutes,” I replied.

“What do you want to do?” he asked.

“Gusto ko ng umuwi.”

Napa-ngiti siya. “Right after the game, I’ll bring you home, okay?”

“Dala mo iyong sasakyan mo?” I asked dahil sa shuttle kami suma-sakay papunta sa laro.

“I’ll ask someone to drive it there.”

“Okay,” I said. “Kasama ba sa panliligaw mo iyong ihahatid mo ako?”

“Yes.”

“Ano pa iyong kasama?”

“I think I mentioned before that I’ll text you at least three times a day?”

I nodded. “Required ba na magreply ako kung good morning lang naman ang sasabihin mo?”

Natawa siya. “I mean… no? But it’ll be nice if you’ll reply.”

“Noted,” I said.

“What’s your stand about FaceTime?

20 minutes before you sleep?“

“Okay,” I said. “Pero paano kung ayaw kong magsalita?”

“Then we can FaceTime in silence.”

“Okay.”

“You’ll have more time after this season and I’m done with my requirements,” sabi niya. “What do you say about day trips to Tagaytay, La Uñion, or Batangas?”

“As long as papayagan tayo ng magulang ko.”

“Of course.”

Hindi na siya nagsalita pa.

“Iyon lang ba?” I asked dahil madali lang naman pala iyong mga gusto niyang mangyari. Ginagawa naman namin iyon kahit nung magkaibigan pa lang kami at hindi niya pa ako nililigawan.

“I still have some things in mind, but we can discuss that some other time.”

I nodded. “Okay.” He was looking at me and he was smiling. “What?” I asked.

Umiling siya habang naka-ngiti. “Thank you for the chance.”

I nodded. “No problem.”

We stood there in silence habang naka-tingin lang ako sa paligid. Sometimes, Austin Archangel would look at me and then I’d catch him smiling. Kapag tinanong ko siya kung bakit, he would just shrug.

It was 2:50PM when we decided to walk back to the gym. Isinuot ko na iyong jacket dahil baka mabitawan ko dahil marami akong dadalhin papasok sa shuttle. Pagpasok namin sa loob, lahat sila ay napa-tingin sa aming dalawa ni Austin Archangel. Saint hooted and then the rest of the players clapped and asked Austin Archangel for a high five. 

**

This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). For those asking, you can use Gcash/Paypal/Paymaya/Any Virtual Card/Credit Card as a mode of payment for Patreon. For GCash, just request for your digital card via Gcash app. Best app to use is Paymaya for Patreon.

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Chapter 30

Chapter

30

I asked Austin Archangel kung bakit nagpalakpakan iyong mga tao, but he said to just ignore them. Pumunta ako para kuhanin iyong mga gamit ko. Serj nodded at me and then grinned.

“What?” I asked.

“Wala,” he said. “Na-kwento ni Kaleigh sa ’kin na ang ganda raw ng script mo.”

“Natapos niya na?”

“I think so,” he replied. “Sabi niya sa ’kin kakausapin ka raw niya, e. ’Di pa ba nagtext sa ’yo?”

Umiling ako. “Alam niya ba ’yung number ko?” I asked.

“Di ko sigurado, pero bigay ko?” tanong ni Serj at umoo ako.

Dumiretso na kami sa shuttle. Naupo ako sa likod katabi si Serj. My phone vibrated habang nasa bulsa siya ng jacket ni Austin Archangel.

‘If we win tonight, are you free tomorrow?’

‘Matutulog ako bukas.’

‘When are you free?’

‘Tignan ko iyong timetable ko.’

‘Noted. Inform me asap?’

‘Okay.’

Hindi na nagreply pa si Austin Archangel. Nakita ko na lumingon siya sa pwesto niya at nagtama ang mga mata namin. He smiled at me. I nodded at him. Natawa si Serj.

“Bakit?” tanong ko sa kanya, pero umiling lang siya.

Pagdating namin sa arena ay mas maraming tao. Hindi ko alam na posible pa pala iyon… Kitang-kita ko iyong mga naka-suot ng kulay maroon na damit at iyong mga naka-suot ng kulay blue. Meron ding naka-suot ng kulay white. Ang ingay ng mga tao. Sana manalo ang SCA ngayon para huli na ’to.

“Baka siya iyong babae sa IG! Tignan mo suot iyong jacket.”

Kinuha ni Serj iyong hawak ko na box dahil medyo mabigat iyon. Palit kami at iyong maliit na bag lang ang hawak ko. Pagdating namin sa loob ay nandoon na iyong Brent. Mas nauna sila dahil nagwa-warm-up na sila sa side nila ng court. Napa-tingin si Dominic sa gawi namin at nakita niya ako. Naka-turo siya sa akin kaya naman napa-kunot ang noo ko. He was mouthing something, pero hindi ko maintindihan… O baka naman sinasabi niya na ‘penge ng hot pocket?’ But that did not make any sense.

Pinatanggal sa akin iyong mga naka-patong sa upuan dahil dumadating na iyong mga politicians at iyong mga sponsor. Nang mapa-tingin ako sa may Patron ay nakita ko si Gisele na nandoon. Ngumiti siya sa akin at kumaway. Ginawa ko rin iyon sa kanya tapos ay tumalikod ako.

Nang matapos ko na lahat ng gagawin ko, naka-tayo lang ako sa isang gilid habang nanonood ng warm-up. The players from both team looked serious. This was a do or die game from Brent—kapag natalo sila ay champion na naman ngayon season ang SCA.

“Hi,” sabi ni Austin Archangel nang lumapit siya sa akin.

“Hi,” sagot ko at inabutan siya ng Gatorade. “Nandito si Gisele,” sabi ko. Napa-tingin si Austin sa likuran ko. Medyo nanlaki ang mga mata niya. Napa-tingin din ako roon. Nandoon pa rin naman si Gisele. She was smiling and waving at us. I did the same again.

“Karaminah Viel,” sabi niya. 

“Austin Archangel,” sagot ko.

“You see those two people sitting beside Gisele?” tanong niya at tumango ako. “Those are actually my parents.”

“Okay,” sabi ko sa kanya.

“Uhm… since I’m already courting you, can I introduce you to them later after the game?”

“Okay,” sagot ko.

“Really?”

I nodded. “Sure,” muling sagot ko dahil ipapa-kilala lang naman niya ako. “May kailangan ba akong gawin?” I asked because his continued asking if I was okay with it made me think that maybe I needed to do something.

His forehead was still slightly creased. And then he shook his head. “I’ll just introduce you, that’s it,” he replied. “But if they ask you for dinner or lunch, are you okay with it? Because if not, you can tell me and I’ll make some excuse for you.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Bakit naman hindi?” tanong ko.

Kumunot din ang noo niya. “I… don’t know,” he said. “Okay, then. Lunch or dinner if they offer.”

“Okay,” I said. “Tinatawag ka na nila,” sabi ko dahil kanina pa siya tinatawag ni Cohen, pero hindi niya marinig yata dahil sa lakas ng sigawan sa arena kahit hindi pa naman nagsisimula iyong laro.

Napa-tingin doon si Austin Archangel at tumango tapos ay tumingin ulit sa akin. “Cheer for me?”

I nodded. “Noted.”

Ngumiti siya. “Thanks,” he said. “And you look good in my jacket,” dugtong niya bago siya nagjog pabalik sa court. Napa-hawak ako nang mahigpit sa jacket niya.

After 24 minutes, the game finally started. Si Juanico at si Austin Archangel ang nasa gitna para sa unang possession ng bola. When the referee tossed the ball in the air, mas mataas iyong talon ni Austin Archangel at papunta na sana kay Saint iyong bola, kaya lang ay mabilis na naagaw iyon ni Dominic. Napaawang ang labi ko sa lakas ng pagpasa niya ng bola dahil agad na naipasa niya iyon kay Alfuenas na malapit na agad sa ring. I saw Coach Aldrin’s brows furrowed nang makuha ng Brent iyong unang score para sa laban na ’to.

Bilog nga talaga ang bola.

---

There were all kinds of fouls called during the game, but the most interesting one was the unsportsmanlike foul ni Juanico dahil mayroon siyang inireklamo. He was actually thrown out of the game.

“Are you okay?” tanong ko kay Dominic nang naka-tayo siya malapit sa akin. One of his teammates was preparing for a three points free throw.

Dominic just shrugged. “That dude really needs to control his temper,” sagot niya. “Thanks for asking, though, bff,” dugtong niya bago niya ibinalik iyong atensyon sa laro.

According to the people around me, this game was not as exciting as the last game. Maaga kasing napaalis si Juanico, and him being the captain of the team, naiba iyong laro ng Brent. Dominic still managed to keep up, but not enough dahil natalo pa rin sila sa laban.

The whole arena, the SCA side, was shouting. Narinig ko iyong chant ng school na nakabisado ko na rin dahil ilang beses ko ng naririnig against my will.

“What happens next?” tanong ko kay Serj habang nag-aayos kami ng gamit. Maraming reporter sa gitna ng court. Masyadong maraming tao sa gitna ng court. I wanted to leave, but Austin Archangel told me na siya ang maghahatid sa akin, and he’s still being interviewed.

“Victory party,” Serj said.

“Required bang umattend doon?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Di naman siguro, pero kakain lang naman.”

I nodded and proceeded to picking up the things and placing them inside the box. I could not understand anything dahil sa lakas ng tugtog, sa dami ng sumisigaw, at sa mga sabay-sabay na nagsasalita.

“Karaminah Viel.”

Napa-tingin ako sa likod ko dahil parang may narinig ako na tumatawag sa akin. Naka-tayo ako sa may papasok sa dugout at may hawak na box na dadalhin ko na sana sa shuttle habang busy pa silang lahat sa interview.

“Congrats,” I said nang makita ko si Austin Archangel na naka-tayo sa harapan ko. Suot niya pa rin iyong headband niya pero mas makapal iyon at kulay puti na Nike. Mayroon ding puti na Kinesio tape sa magkabilang balikat niya. Halos kumintab iyong mga balikat niya dahil sa pawis sa katawan niya.

“Thank you,” he replied, smiling.

“Aalis na ba tayo?” I asked.

“I’ll introduce you to my parents first.”

I nodded. “Okay,” I replied. “Dadalhin ko lang ’tong box sa shuttle.”

Tumango rin si Austin Archangel. I was about to turn around to walk to the shuttle when I heard him call my name. I abruptly stopped to look at him.

“Can… I get a hug?” he asked.

“Now?”

“Yes.”

“You’re sweaty.”

“I know…” he said, sighing.

I looked at him. He looked sad. I took a step forward and tapped his shoulder thrice. “Good job,” sabi ko sa kanya.

Napa-tawa siya sa akin. “Thanks?”

“No problem,” I replied.

“About the hug… did you say no because I’m sweaty or no to hugs in general?” tanong niya sa akin, pero hindi ako naka-sagot dahil mayroong reporter ang lumapit sa kanya para tanungin siya. I took that as the signal para pumunta na ako sa shuttle at dalhin iyong mga gamit.

Pagbalik ko sa court para kuhanin iyong iba pang gamit, natigilan ako nang tawagin ako ni Austin Archangel. Lumapit ako sa kanya. Napansin ko na katabi niya iyong mga magulang niya. They’re one tall family.

“Mom, Dad,” sabi ni Austin Archangel. “Karaminah Viel,” he continued. He pressed his lips together and drew a deep breath. “I’m… actually courting her.”

Kita ko iyong bahagyang paglaki ng mga mata ng nanay niya. His dad just looked at me.

“Hello. Nice to meet you,” I greeted because that’s the social norm. I offered my hand and they shook it.

I stood there for ten seconds. Ano ba ang gagawin ko rito? Austin Archangel said na ipapakilala niya ako sa mga magulang niya. Naipakilala niya na ako. Pwede na ba akong umalis? May kailangan pa ba akong gawin?

“Karaminah, right?” sabi ng nanay niya.

I nodded. “Tama po.”

“Would you like to come over sometime for dinner?”

“Kung papayagan po ako ng magulang ko,” I replied.

Napa-tingin siya kay Austin Archangel. “I’m sure Austin will ask for your parents’ permission.”

Austin Archangel nodded. “Always,” he quickly replied.

“Very well,” sabi niya. “Nice to meet you and I will see you soon,” dugtong niya bago sila umalis na dalawa.

“Pwede na ba tayong umalis?” I asked him.

Tumingin sa akin si Austin Archangel and shook his head… but not like he was saying no, but more on… disbelief? “Yes. Let’s just get my things,” sabi niya at sabay kaming naglakad papunta sa dugout.

Habang naglalakad kami ay tinanong kami ni Jed kung anong oras kami pupunta sa victory party. Austin Archangel just shrugged.

“Do you want to go to the victory party?” he asked.

“Maingay ba doon?”

“Yeah.”

“Then, no.”

Natawa siya. “Noted,” sabi niya at saka kinuha niya iyong duffel bag niya. “I’ll just change clothes quickly,” dugtong niya bago kumuha ng damit na pamalit doon at saka pumasok sa CR. I sat down and got my Ipad habang naghihintay. Wala pa ring bumabalik na mga players dahil sa dami ng nag-iinterview at media coverage.

‘Sorry you lost,’ text ko kay Dominic.

Itinago ko iyong cellphone ko. Paglabas ni Austin Archangel sa CR ay nakapagpalit na siya ng damit. He was wearing a black Adidas jogger pants, white Adidas shirt, and black Nike sliders. Suot niya na ulit iyong kwintas niya na crucifix. Wala na rin iyong headband niya.

“Masyadong matapang,” I said.

“What?” he asked.

“Tom Ford,” I replied. “Nasobrahan ka sa lagay,” I continued dahil paglabas niya pa lang ng CR ay naamoy ko na iyon.

Napaawang ang labi niya. “Oh… I’ll note that.”

Lumabas na kami sa dugout at diretsong lumabas sa may exit sa likuran. Sa gilid kami ni Austin Archangel naglalakad hanggang sa makarating kami sa sasakyan niya.

“Sino’ng nagdala?” I asked.

“Greg,” he replied. “One of the guards.”

Pumasok na kami sa loob ng sasakyan. Dahil sobrang daming tao ngayon dahil sa championship, sa tingin pa lang namin ay mukhang hindi kami makaka-labas agad.

“How about dinner here?” he asked. “Instead of us getting caught in the middle of traffic.”

I nodded. “Okay,” sagot ko sa kanya. “Pwede ko na bang hubarin iyong jacket mo? Mainit na.”

He nodded. “Yeah…”

“Here,” sabi ko sabay abot sa kanya.

“No, you keep it.”

“Okay. Ibabalik ko kapag nalabhan na ni Ate Gina.”

Napaawang ang labi niya. “No,” he said. “I mean…” he continued and then averted his gaze. “You can have my jacket.”

“Meron na akong jacket.”

“I know, but you can still have another jacket, right?”

I shrugged. “I guess.”

“You can wear that in school,” he replied.

“Kapag hindi mainit,” sabi ko habang naglalakad na kami. Iniwan ko iyong jacket sa sasakyan niya dahil mainit.

“Maybe inside the classroom? There are air conditioners there.”

“Kapag sobrang lamig,” I replied dahil sanay naman ako sa aircon.

“Right.”

“Where do you wanna eat?” he asked.

“Iyong walang tao masyado,” I replied. I like good food… but looking around, masyadong maraming tao. Mas gusto kong kumain sa wala masyadong tao.

“How about there?” tanong niya sa akin sabay turo doon sa hotel na malapit sa mall. “There’s a good resto there.”

“I know,” I said dahil nakakain na kami nila Mama doon nung birthday ko nung October 1 last year. “It’s expensive. Appetizer lang ang makakain ko.”

“My treat,” he said.

“Dahil nililigawan mo ako?” He nodded. “So, dahil nililigawan mo ako, I get all free things? Like free ride and free food?”

“Pretty much?”

“Ano naman ang makukuha mo?”

He averted his gaze. I waited for his answer dahil hindi fair na ako lang ang makaka-kuha ng libreng bagay.

“Maybe… free hugs?” sabi niya.

I nodded and took a deep, deep breath while telling myself na naglinis naman siya ng katawan kanina, and then hugged him. “Advanced thank you for the free food,” I said as my arms were around his torso and my face was right against his chest.

**

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Chapter 31

Chapter 31

“Naka-green light na,” sabi ko dahil 30 seconds na ang lumipas simula nung putulin ko iyong yakap namin, pero hindi pa rin siya gumagalaw. After saying that, he blinked twice before nodding at saka pa lang kami tumawid sa may pedestrian lane. Mabuti na lang at kasama ko si Austin Archangel dahil hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin ako confident na tumawid mag-isa sa kalsada kahit na may pedestrian lane.

“Every time you’ll buy me food, will I hug you? Ganoon ba?”

“No, not really.”

“I will just hug you sometimes?”

“When you feel like it.”

“How will I feel like it?”

“I don’t know… Do you want me to just ask you if I want a hug?”

I nodded. “Yes. That’ll make my life easier.”

“Noted,” he answered. “But I’m not buying you food to get hugs, to be clear.”

“Okay,” sagot ko rin sa kanya.

Pagdating namin sa restaurant, it seemed like we were out of place because Austin Archangel was wearing his usual attire after game and I was just wearing my black leggings and a white SCA shirt. Pero kahit na ganoon ay pina-pasok pa rin naman kami… Which felt off dahil mayroong dress code sa ganitong lugar.

“It’s weird,” I said as we were being ushered in.

“What’s weird?” he asked.

“We bypassed the dress code,” sabi ko at saka nagpasalamat sa naghatid sa amin sa pwesto namin. Austin Archangel did the same.

“Hmm,” sagot niya lang.

After ten seconds, we were handed the menu. Although Austin Archangel said that it was his treat and I really wanted to get the wagyu steak, my mom said never to order the expensive food when someone else is buying. I chose the mid-priced meal.

“Are you going to the victory party?” tanong ko sa kanya.

“No.”

“Why? You’re the captain and nagchampion ulit kayo.”

“I know,” he replied as he reached for the glass of water and quietly sipped it. Napa-tingin na naman ako sa mga daliri niya. He had such pretty fingers.

“Why are you not going?” I asked and then looked at my watch. “It’s still early,” sabi ko sa kanya dahil sabi ni Jed ay 10PM pa raw ang simula.

“Will you go?” he asked.

“No,” I replied.

“Then I’m not going.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Package deal ba ang attendance natin?”

He shrugged. “No, but I’d rather spend time with you,” sabi niya tapos ay kinuha niya iyong table napkin at tinitigan iyon.

Napa-awang ang labi ko.

Dumating na iyong appetizer. The whole meal took two hours. Austin Archangel and I just talked about my script. I tried asking him about the game, but I got bored, so he asked me about my script. Sinabi ko sa kanya na nagustuhan ni Kaleigh iyon at mag-uusap kami tungkol doon.

After we finished our three course meal, lumabas na kami. Hindi na ganoon karami iyong mga tao gaya ng kanina. Naglakad kami pabalik sa sasakyan niya. Austin Archangel’s phone was on the dashboard kaya naman nang umilaw iyon ay napa-tingin ako. Nakita ko iyong text ni Jed.

“Gusto mo bang pumunta sa party?” I asked. 11PM naman ang curfew ko. Magtetext na lang ako kay Mama na kasama ko si Austin Archangel. At saka alam naman ni Papa na nagchampion. Nandoon din siguro si Coach Aldrin.

“Do you wanna?” he asked back.

I shrugged. “Basta makaka-uwi ako before 11,” sabi ko sa kanya.

“We’ll just swing by and we’ll leave after 30 minutes?”

I nodded. “Sounds like a plan.”

Huminto si Austin Archangel sa harap ng isang three storey building. Mula sa labas ay mukhang normal naman.

“Tell me if you want to leave early,” sabi niya sa akin.

I nodded. “Okay,” sagot ko.

Paglabas namin ng sasakyan ay agad na narinig ko iyong malakas na tugtog na may halong sigawan ng mga tao. I was pretty sure that I heard Jed’s voice… na hindi rin impossible dahil malakas ang boses niya.

Papasok pa lang kami sa loob ay binati na si Austin Archangel ng isang babae. She said congratulations to Austin Archangel while her hand was on his arm, caressing it. I just stood there and waited until Austin Archangel told them na aalis na kami. Napa-tingin sa akin iyong babae. Umalis na ako kasabay si Austin Archangel.

“Kilala mo ’yon?” I asked him.

“No.”

“Why was she holding you?” Napa-tingin sa akin si Austin Archangel. Napa-kunot ang noo niya. “Do you let strangers touch you like that?” I asked again because I did not understand why he let that girl caress his arm. Ako kasi ayoko na hinahawakan ako ng hindi ko naman kilala. Pero baka iba siya kaysa sa akin. “Never mind,” I said and then continued to walk.

“Congrats,” I said to Saint who just gave me a small smile and said thanks. Austin Archangel caught up to me. I looked at him and asked kung saan ako makaka-kuha ng tubig.

We went to the bar and he ordered two bottled water. Iniabot niya sa akin iyon. Nagpasalamat ako. We sat on the bar stool as I quietly drank my water. Napa-tingin ako kay Austin Archangel at nakita ko na naka-tingin siya sa akin.

“What?” I asked.

“I don’t let strangers caress me,” he said.

“Okay,” I replied.

“It happened suddenly and I thought it would be rude if I’d ask her to get her hand off of me,” he continued. Uminom ulit ako ng tubig. “That will never happen again.”

I nodded. “If you say so,” I said because at the end of the day, desisyon niya pa rin naman kung sino ang hahawak sa kanya.

Napa-tingin ako sa pinanggalingan ng ingay at nandon sina Phil at sila Ralph at may hawak silang mga beer. They were all smiling and they looked so happy. May mga kasama silang babae. May mga girlfriend na pala sila. Ngayon ko lang naman dahil hindi naman ako interesado sa buhay nila.

“Karaminah Viel.”

Napa-tingin ako kay Austin Archangel. Medyo naka-kunot ang noo niya. I waited for him to say something. It took him 24 seconds before he said his first word.

“Did you not like other woman touching me?” he asked.

Napa-kunot ang noo ko. “What?”

“Your reaction earlier… you seemed mad.”

“Bakit naman ako magagalit?”

“Because someone’s touching me?”

“Katawan mo naman ’yan.”

“You sounded mad earlier.”

“I was not mad,” I said. “I was worried because some stranger was touching you.”

He nodded. “Okay… so if someone else touches me, you’ll be fine with it?”

I nodded. “If it’s with your consent, I don’t see why I’d have a problem with it.”

Tumango siya. “Okay,” he said. “But for the record, if some guy touches you, I won’t be okay with it.”

“Bawal akong hawakan ng tatay ko?”

Napaawang ang labi niya. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what do you mean?”

“Other guys…” he said.

“Other guys like?”

He shrugged. “Just guys in general,” he replied. “I won’t be okay, but I won’t stop you. I’ll never stop you from doing things you like.”

I nodded. “I’ll consider it,” I said. “But I don’t think you’d have to worry about that because I generally do not like people touching me.”

He chuckled and the abruptly stopped. “I know.”

“But since nililigawan mo ako, I’ll let you touch me provided na malinis ang kamay mo.”

Natawa siya. “Noted,” he replied. “But when you say touch, you mean?”

I shrugged. “You can hold my hand,” I said dahil ganoon ang nababasa ko sa mga stories at napapanood sa mga movies. He could hold my hand provided na malinis iyon… Maybe I’d also let him hug me provided that he’s not covered in dirt and sweat.

I was still on the edge about kissing… some stories I read, dapat ay boyfriend mo na kapag hinalikan mo… sa iba naman ay okay lang kahit friends lang. I was still yet to decide kung ano ang magiging desisyon ko… but I’d most probably let him kiss me dahil nahalikan naman niya ako noon.

Bahagyang nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang hawakan niya iyong kamay ko na nasa counter. My right hand was quietly resting on the bar counter when Austin Archangel placed his left hand over my right hand. His fingers landed in between my fingers. Ang haba talaga ng mga daliri niya.

“Like this?” he asked.

Napa-lunok ako. “Yeah,” I said as I stared at his hand on top of mine. Sampung segundo na akong naka-tingin doon nang mapa-igtad ako sa kinauupuan ko nang ilagay ni Jed iyong mga braso niya sa balikat ko at sa balikat ni Austin Archangel.

“Aww love birds,” sabi ni Jed. “Ano’ng meron sa kanya, Karms? Bakit hindi ako?” he asked, sounding drunk. Tapos ay tumawa siya at hinatak siya nila Phil palayo.

I placed my hands on my lap and looked at Austin Archangel. “Can we go now?” I asked dahil mas umiingay na iyong lugar.

Tumayo na ako at inalalayan ako ni Austin Archangel dahil medyo mataas iyong upuan. Diretso kaming lumabas. May mga babae na nagcongratulations sa kanila. Nagpasalamat si Austin Archangel at nagpatuloy na naglakad palabas. Naka-hinga ako nang malalim nang nasa labas na kami. Ang ingay sa loob.

Mabilis kami na nakarating sa bahay. Austin Archangel pulled over and I unbuckled my seatbelt. I thanked him for today. Bubuksan ko na sana iyong pinto, pero tinawag niya iyong pangalan ko kaya naman napa-tigil ako at napa-tingin sa kanya.

“It’s 10:50,” he said.

“I know,” sagot ko dahil may relo ako.

“It’ll take two minutes to walk back in. I still have eight minutes,” sabi niya sa akin.

“Technically, yes,” I replied.

Naka-tingin siya sa harapan nang bigla niyang hawakan iyong kamay ko. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya pero naka-tingin pa rin siya sa kalsada sa harapan niya. Gabi na kaya walang tao, pero kita pa rin namin iyong konting bituin sa langit.

“I’ll enjoy my eight minutes,” he said as he intertwined our fingers. 

**

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Chapter 32

Chapter 32

I slept the whole day yesterday. Iba pa rin pala sa pakiramdam na gumigising ka na hindi iniisip na kailangan mo na namang gumising nang maaga sa susunod na araw at maglaba ng tuwalya. Apparently, this was what freedom tasted like. I missed it and I realized that I didn’t value freedom enough until it was taken away from me.

“Good morning,” bati sa akin ni Mama.

“Good morning,” sagot ko sa kanya habang naglalakad ako papunta sa cupboard para kuhanin iyong cereals ko. I also grabbed a bowl and a box of milk at naglakad ako papunta sa lamesa para sumabay sa kanila sa breakfast. I quietly did my morning meal prep—I poured the cereals and stopped until the bowl was filled halfway and then poured the milk until it was half an inch from the top.

“What are your plans tomorrow?” Mama asked.

“I don’t have any plans,” sagot ko sa kanya.

“Pupunta ba rito si Austin?”

“Bakit siya pupunta rito?”

“Tomorrow is your 19th birthday.”

I nodded. “I know,” I said. I would grow older again. I hope I was wiser this time.

Napa-tingin ako kay Papa na napailing na lang. Kumunot ang noo ko. Kagabi ay natawa siya nang katukin niya iyong bintana ni Austin Archangel. He was not able to finish his eight minutes because three minutes into it ay dumating sila Papa at lumapit sa sasakyan niya at kumatok sa bintana. Austin Archangel’s face was red as a maraschino cherry.

“Kung magtatanong si Austin ay sabihin mo na free ka ng hapon hanggang 11PM,” sabi ni Papa. Napatango na lang ako. “I already booked your favorite restaurant for your birthday lunch.”

“Wala kayong pasok?” I asked dahil may trabaho sila bukas.

Mama just shrugged. “A meeting was cancelled,” she replied. I shrugged, too, and continued eating my cereals.

Nang matapos akong kumain ay kinuha ko si Blue at dinala sa kwarto ko. As usual ay nagtago siya sa ilalim ng kama ko. Hindi na naman natuloy iyong plano ko na kuhanan siya ng picture. My followers went from 28 to 603 in a span of one week. I felt pressured to post more pictures of Blue dahil sa mga bagong followers ko.

Dahil hindi naman nagpapa-kita si Blue ay naupo na lang ako sa may upuan at binuksan iyong laptop ko. But I saw a message from Kaleigh asking kung pwede ba akong makipagkita this week. I told her that I was available the day after next dahil wala naman na akong training na kailangang puntahan. I also saw that Dominic sent a gif of a crying cat sa text ko sa kanya na ‘Sorry you lost.’ I decided to reciprocate and replied with a gif of a cat saying ’You’ll do better next time. ’

I was in the middle of scrolling through my explore page nang biglang magtext si Austin Archangel ng good morning kagaya ng sinabi niya dati na gagawin niya. May sumunod agad doon na ’ FaceTime?’

“Hi,” he said after I answered the call. Nakapaghilamos na ako kanina at nakapagtoothbrush. But I was still in my pink pajamas dahil mamayang 9AM pa ako maliligo.

“Hello,” I replied. Inilagay ko iyong cellphone ko sa may cellphone holder para hindi ako mangalay. I stared at Austin Archangel. Sabi niya naman ay hindi ko kailangang magsalita kapag tumawag siya sa FaceTime.

“Are you free tomorrow?”

Medyo kumunot ang noo ko dahil naalala ko na sinabi ni Papa na kung magtatanong si Austin Archangel ay sabihin ko na free ako ng hapon hanggang 11PM bukas. Was he from the future?

“From afternoon to 11PM,” I replied.

“I’ll pick you up?”

“I won’t be home tomorrow,” sabi ko sa kanya. “I’ll be having my birthday lunch tomorrow with my parents,” I continued. His eyes widened a little. Napa-tingin ako sa likod ko dahil narinig ko si Blue. I watched as he climbed on the tree at saka doon siya nagstay sa pinaka-taas. I looked at Austin Archangel again and said goodbye dahil kailangan ko iyong cellphone ko para kuhanan ng picture si Blue.

“Please don’t move,” I said habang kumukuha ako ng pictures. I was relieved nang maka-kuha ako ng decent pictures. I just put a nice filter and uploaded the photo. Naglike si Dominic at nagcomment ng ‘When will I meet the cat?’ I replied ‘If you go to our house,’ dahil hindi ko dinadala si Blue sa labas dahil may tendency siyang maglayas.

After posting photos, I watched movies again. Tapos na ako sa script, so I needed inspiration para sa susunod na gagawin ko. I needed new materials dahil sa susunod na semester ay mag-e-enroll na ako at magiging busy na ako. I needed to gather as many materials as I could.

---

The next day, I did my usual routine. Pagbaba ko ay mayroong maliit na carrot cake at may isang kandila sa gitna. Nandoon sina Ate Gina, Kuya Robert, at Blue. Sinabi nila na si Mama ang bumili nung cake, but they had to leave dahil biglang may emergency meeting na kailangang puntahan.

“Make a wish!” sabi ni Ate Gina.

“I can’t think of anything,” I replied because I genuinely thought that I already had everything I needed—makakapag-aral na ako ng Creative Writing, I have friends, I have a best friend, I have a suitor, I have my family, and I have my cat. To ask for more would be too much. I like being contented because looking for what you don’t have is the thief of joy.

“Kahit world peace na lang,” sabi ni Kuya Robert.

I shrugged. “I wish for world peace,” I said bago ko kuhanin iyong kandila sa gitna at hipan iyon. I found it unhygienic to blow the candle while it’s in the cake. Other people would eat it and blowing the candle would mean that my saliva would be on the cake.

Pagkatapos nun ay kumain na ako ng birthday breakfast ko—Filipino spaghetti and lumpia. It only happens once a year, so I let Ate Gina change my breakfast. Kumain kami ng spaghetti at lumpia habang nasa gilid ko naman si Blue at kumakain ng pagkain niya. After that, nanood lang kami ni Blue ng movie sa entertainment room.

Nang 9AM na ay naligo na ako at naghanda para sa birthday lunch ko. Hinatid ako ni Kuya Robert sa hotel kung saan kami kumain ni Austin Archangel nung isang araw. But today, I was properly dressed because of the dress code. I was wearing a red wrap dress that fell three inches from my knee and a two inches nude block heels sandals. Dala ko rin iyong regalo ni Papa dati na black Chanel wallet on chain. It was too small dahil cellphone ko lang at wallet ang kasya. I only use this during formal events. I still prefer my tote bag. And the small diamond necklace na binigay ni Mama sa akin nung 18th birthday ko.

The birthday lunch went like before. I enjoyed the food. I ordered my usual—wagyu steak—na hindi ko nakain nung isang araw dahil si Austin Archangel ang nagbayad.

“For your gift,” sabi ni Mama nang hinihintay na lang namin iyong dessert. “If you can finish next sem with good grades, we’ll pay for your tuition.”

My eyes widened a little. “Really?” I asked because I would rather them pay for it kaysa gumising ulit ako nang maaga next year.

Mama nodded as she reached for her third glass of the wine. “Yes,” sabi niya. “You’ve been stubborn enough to wake up at 3AM for months… Maybe you really do want this.”

I nodded. “I do want this.”

“Good,” sabi niya. “Then show us good grades and we’ll discuss again bago iyong enrollment next year,” she continued and Papa smiled at me and greeted me happy birthday again.

While waiting for the dessert, nagtext sa akin si Austin Archangel asking kung nasaan ako. I told him kung nasaan ako. Inilagay ko ulit iyong cellphone ko sa bag nang dumating na iyong dessert. We were also given a small complimentary birthday cake na hindi ko kinain dahil kumain na ako ng carrot cake kanina.

“Susunduin ka ba ni Austin dito?” Mama asked nang matapos iyong lunch namin. Kinuha ko iyong cellphone ko at nakita ko na 28 minutes ago pa pala iyong text niya na nandito na siya. Napa-tingin ako sa paligid at nakita ko na nandoon siya at naka-upo sa may couch sa lobby. Napa-tingin siya sa gawi namin at mabilis na tumayo. He was wearing a light brown polo shirt, white slim fit chino, and brown derby shoes. Suot niya ulit iyong Patek Philippe watch niya at pareho sila ni Papa.

“Good afternoon po,” bati niya kina Mama.

Mama and Papa nodded. “Before 11,” Mama said.

“And don’t stay in a parked car for too long,” Papa said that made Austin Archangel’s face look like a maraschino cherry yet again. Nang makaalis sila ay naiwan kami ni Austin Archangel na naka-tayo sa gitna ng hotel lobby. He was looking at me. My forehead creased when a whole minute had passed at wala pa rin siyang sinasabi.

“Happy 19th birthday,” he said after a whole minute.

“Thank you,” I replied.

“Was I the first one to greet you?” he asked.

“Sa text? Yes,” I said dahil saktong 12MN ay nagtext siya ng happy birthday sa akin na nabasa ko nung umaga na.

“Good,” sagot niya habang naglalakad kami palabas.

When I asked him kung saan kami pupunta ay sinabi niya na surprise daw, so I did not ask him again. I just opened the radio and quietly listened to it until a song caught my attention. I asked Siri for the title and it was Double Take by Dhruv.

Huminto si Austin Archangel sa harap ng building kung saan ako pumupunta noon para umattend ng workshop.

“Your first gift,” sabi niya. “I remember you telling me before that you missed attending workshop, so there’s a workshop that’ll start in—” sabi niya at saka tumingin sa relo niya—“13 minutes.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Aattend ako ng workshop ngayon?”

He nodded. “Yes. And it’s about How To Engage Your Audience Better so I think it’ll be really helpful.”

I nodded. “Okay. Kasama ka?”

Umiling siya. “No. I’ll pick you up after two hours.”

Ibinigay sa akin ni Austin Archangel iyong ticket at pumunta ako sa workshop. I was anxious for a minute because I was not prepared. Wala akong dalang notebook at ballpen dahil hindi kaysa sa bag ko. Thankfully, we were given a starter kit na mayroong naka-lagay na notebook at ballpen.

I quietly listened and took notes. I already heard some of these before, but for some reason, it felt like I was hearing it for the first time and with better realization…

Nang matapos iyong seminar ay lumabas na ako. Nandoon si Austin Archangel. He looked tired. Nakaka-pagod bang maghintay?

“Was the seminar good?”

I nodded. “Yes. Buti binigyan nila ako ng notebook at ballpen.”

Napaawang ang labi niya. “Right… I forgot about that.”

I shrugged. “It’s fine,” I said.

“Are you hungry?” he asked.

“Yes,” I replied.

“It’s a Spanish restaurant. I already sent the menu via Instagram. You can choose while we’re on the way,” sabi niya habang nasa loob na kami ng sasakyan niya.

I quietly sat and browsed the menu. Ang hirap mamili. Everything sounded delicious. Even the feedback online was of no help dahil ayon sa kanila ay masarap lahat. Hindi ko naman pwedeng kainin lahat.

“What do you recommend?” I asked.

“I like the paella,” he said. “Also all the tapas are good.”

“They all look good—ang hirap mamili.”

He chuckled. “Shall we order everything?”

“Hindi natin mauubos.”

“We can just take them out.”

“Saan naman natin ibibigay?”

He shrugged. “Kids on the street?”

I looked outside the car and noticed na marami ngang bata sa kalsada. I agreed with Austin Archangel’s proposition because sharing is indeed caring.

Pagdating namin sa restaurant, we ordered a seafood paella for sharing and the tapas on the menu. Surprisingly, naubos namin iyong pagkain. It was good—never pang nagkamali si Austin Archangel sa pagrecommend ng restaurant.

“Wala na tayong ibibigay,” sabi ko dahil naubos namin iyong pagkain.

“Let’s go to the drive thru,” sabi niya at saka kinwento niya sa akin na ginawa raw iyon ni Saint at saka ni Mary. That’s actually nice. Saint actually sounded like he’s a good boyfriend based on what I’ve been hearing, but I really didn’t know.

“How many?” Austin Archangel asked while we’re waiting on the drive thru line.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Bibigyan ba natin lahat? Masyado silang marami.”

“I mean, we can’t literally feed them all… Let’s just go to a spot and give food to those kids,” sabi niya.

“Okay,” I replied. Austin Archangel ordered one hundred meals plus a pie as a dessert. Nasa parking lot kami habang naghihintay na ihanda iyong order. The song Double Take was playing again.

“When is your birthday?” I asked.

“February 6,” he replied.

“Noted,” I said because I needed to plan for his birthday. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya nang maramdaman kong hinawakan niya iyong kamay ko. Naka-tingin pa rin siya sa harap while he was intertwining our fingers.

“Can I go visit tomorrow?”

“Why?”

“I wanna see you.”

“I will think about it,” I said dahil buong araw akong nasa labas ngayon and I would need to sleep a lot tomorrow.

“Text me when you decide,” he replied.

And then we sat in silence while he was holding my hand.

After an hour, nailagay na sa likuran iyong mga order na pagkain. We drove around Manila and one of the cars of his security stopped and checked everything first. Nang magbigay sila ng go signal ay saka lang kami lumabas.

“Nice to finally meet you,” sabi ko nang makita ko si Greg. He just nodded at me and proceeded to looking stiff dahil naka-tingin siya sa paligid.

It was like the scene was a personification of news travel fast dahil kanina ay konti lang ang mga bata, pero biglang dumami iyon. We felt overwhelmed and bad dahil hindi lahat ay naka-kuha. I generally do not care about people I do not know, but the kids looked so excited. I felt bad.

“Let’s buy again,” I said. “I’ll pay.”

We finished our dinner at 7PM and we finished distributing food at 11PM. Nagtext ako kay Mama tungkol sa nangyari kaya naman inextend iyong curfew ko hanggang 12MN. Pagdating namin sa bahay ay agad akong nagtanggal ng seatbelt. I got outside because it’s already 11:55PM and I did not want to break curfew.

“Wait,” sabi ni Austin Archangel. Napa-hinto ako at napa-tingin sa kanya. He opened the trunk of his car and got a small brown box. Inabot niya sa akin iyon. “Happy birthday,” he said.

“Ano ’yan?” I asked.

“Your gift.”

“I thought the seminar was a gift?”

“That, too, but this is the main gift.”

I nodded and then accepted the gift. Pagbukas ko noon ay bahagyang kumunot ang noo ko dahil puno iyon ng ticket mula sa arcade na pinuntahan namin noon. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya.

“I really tried to collect all tickets but I didn’t have enough time,” he said.

My lips parted. “For… the stuffed toy?”

He nodded. “Yes. Because you said you wanted it. Had I known it’s your birthday today, I would’ve spent more days there—” he said, but he was unable to finish because I quickly hugged him. I just had this uncontrollable urge to hug him.

I felt him stiffening.

“Thank you,” I said against his chest. Hindi siya sumagot. I looked up to him and saw that he was staring right into my eyes. My lips parted a little when I realized that I was hearing the beat of my own heart.

“I will kiss you now,” he said… and I surprised even myself when I gulped and nodded. 

**

This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). For those asking, you can use Gcash/Paypal/Paymaya/Any Virtual Card/Credit Card as a mode of payment for Patreon. For GCash, just request for your digital card via Gcash app. Best app to use is Paymaya for Patreon.

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Chapter 33

Chapter 33

My heart was beating loudly inside my chest as Austin Archangel’s face neared mine. Naalala ko na kailangan kong pumikit gaya nung mga nasa libro kaya naman ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko… but I was curious to know how it would look like, so I opened my eyes again at sumakto iyon sa pagdampi ng labi niya sa labi ko.

My eyes were opened wide.

So… this was what kissing felt like.

I could still hear the beating of my heart. I did not know what I’d do next—I just wanted to stand there and let him do what he wanted to do… Kasi kung ibabase ko sa mga sagot ni Dominic at ng mga kapatid niya, we should be doing a whole lot more than this.

But after ten seconds of our lips just touching, he let go. His arms were still around me and he was looking down on me. There’s that smile on his face again.

“It feels like it’s my birthday,” he said.

“Because of the kiss?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“Ano’ng pinagkaiba na ’to sa nangyari sa yacht?” tanong ko sa kanya dahil parang pareho lang naman… only the one in the yacht was shrouded with the thrill of dying.

“That happened quickly.”

“And this one lasted ten seconds.”

“I was panicking that time.”

“And now, you aren’t?”

“Still am,” sabi niya sa akin. “I think I can hear my own heart beat.”

“Ako rin,” sagot ko sa kanya. “Naririnig ko kanina iyong tibok ng puso ko, pero hindi na ngayon.”

And then there was silence again.

Naka-tingin lang siya sa akin tapos ngumiti ulit. And then he pressed a kiss on my forehead and I felt him sigh. Tapos ay niyakap niya ulit ako nang mahigpit.

“I hope you enjoyed today,” he said while he was still tightly hugging me. His chin was resting on the top of my head. Hindi kaya siya nahirapan kanina nung hinalikan niya ako dahil ibinaba niya iyong ulo niya? I forgot to stand on my toes—that would’ve probably made things easier for him.

Tumingin siya sa relo niya. “Time’s up. You have to go inside.”

Bumitaw siya sa yakap. I took a step back para magkaroon ng space sa pagitan naming dalawa. I smiled at him. I really enjoyed today. Nabusog ako sa kinain namin. Natuto ako dahil sa seminar. And I did a good deed nang magpamigay kami ng pagkain sa mga bata. And I had my second kiss.

“Thank you for today, Austin Archangel.”

He smiled at me. “The pleasure is mine, Karaminah Viel.”

Pagpasok ko sa bahay ay nakita ko si Papa na naka-abang sa akin. May hawak siyang newspaper. Napa-tingin siya nang marinig niyang papasok na ako. At saka napa-tingin siya sa relo niya.

“Nagtimer ba kayong dalawa? Talagang sinakto na 11:59.”

“I don’t like breaking curfew,” sagot ko sa kanya. “Akyat na ako, Pa,” I said and then he nodded at dumiretso na ako sa kwarto ko. Pagdating ko roon ay inilagay ko sa study table ko iyong box na binigay sa akin ni Austin Archangel. I could not believe that he remembered it when I barely could remember saying anything about it. I just wanted the stuffed toy dahil iyon ang napapanood ko sa mga pelikula, but he remembered.

I needed to prepare for his birthday even if it was four months and five days away. He liked basketball… so maybe my gift would be related to that. At kailangan ko rin palang mag-ipon.

I took a bath kahit na madaling araw na. Buong araw akong nasa labas kaya naman gusto kong linisin iyong katawan ko. Nang matapos ako ay naupo ako sa may study chair ko. I blow-dried my hair was about to scroll through the explore page of Instagram nang makita ko na may tagged IG story sa akin si Dominic. It was a selfie of us nung inaya niya akong manood ng game nila. And there was a caption ‘Happy birthday, bestie @bluethecat.’

Nagreply ako sa IG story niya. Kaya pala dumadami iyong followers ko dahil tina-tag niya ako. Akala ko talaga ay dahil maraming nacucute-an kay Blue… Nag-effort pa naman ako na kuhanan siya ng maraming pictures.

Pagkatapos kong magreply kay Dominic ay nakita ko na may IG story din si Austin Archangel. It was a stolen photo habang naka-upo ako sa swing. Kinuhanan niya pala ako ng litrato habang naka-talikod ako sa kanya. Tanging ‘Happiest birthday’ lang ang naka-lagay sa lower right side nung post. Nang matuyo ang buhok ko ay natulog na ako. It had been a long day.

I woke up at 7AM, still.

Bumaba ako para kumain ng cereals. Mama asked me about my birthday and I told her about everything we did, except for the kissing part because I remembered Austin Archangel telling me that it would be betrayal of my parents’ trust na hinalikan niya ako sa labas ng bahay namin… Although baka alam na rin naman nila dahil mayroong CCTV doon.

“Ano’ng gagawin mo ngayon?” Mama asked.

“I will still think about it,” I replied. “But Kaleigh, Dominic’s cousin, asked if we could meet dahil nagustuhan niya iyong script na sinulat ko. She also writes script. So, baka makipagkita ako sa kanya ngayon.”

Pinaarawan ko si Blue sa garden tapos ay umakyat na ako sa kwarto. Hindi na ako nag-effort na kuhanan siya ng magandang picture dahil hindi naman pala siya ang dahilan kung bakit maraming nagfollow.

Pagdating ko sa kwarto, nakita ko na nagtext sa akin si Austin Archangel ng Good morning. I did not reply dahil sabi niya ay hindi naman daw required. Nagtext ako kay Kaleigh na free ako ngayong araw para magkita kami. Pagpunta ko sa Instagram ay nagulat ako na nasa 1578 na iyong followers. May 189 na comments sa latest picture sa account at karamihan doon ay tina-tag iyong mga kaibigan nila at puro mga mata iyong comments.

I suddenly felt like all eyes were on me, so I turned the Instagram account into private.

austingdl: your account’s on private. Everything all right?

bluethecat: yes. Bigla lang dumami iyong followers.

austingdl: is it because of my post last night?

bluethecat: siguro, pero tinag din ako ni Dominic

austingdl: I won’t tag you if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

bluethecat: no, it’s okay. Puro mukha lang naman ni Blue iyong nandito

austingdl: okay. What are your plans today?

bluethecat: makikipagkita kay Kaleigh about the script

austingdl: until what time? Can we come by your house?

bluethecat: sino kasama mo?

austingdl: Violet. Playdate with Blue?

bluethecat: okay. I will text you kung anong oras ako makaka-uwi.

austingdl: noted. Take care!

Hinatid ako ni Kuya Robert sa townhouse nina Kaleigh after naming kumain ng lunch. Pagdating ko roon ay agad kong nakita si Dominic na naka-higa sa couch.

“Hey, you’re here,” sabi niya habang hawak pa rin iyong cellphone niya. Naupo siya nang makita niya ako. “What’s up? Bakit ka nandito?”

“Kaleigh,” I replied.

“Ka!” sigaw ni Dominic. Napa-tingin siya sa akin. “Sorry, I need to shout—may pagka-bingi ’yon,” he said. Napa-tingin siya sa cellphone niya at kumunot ang noo. “God, so annoying,” sabi niya.

“Sino?” I asked.

“Just some girl,” sabi niya. “I seriously wonder kung sino ang nagbigay sa kanya ng number ko.”

I just nodded. I was not that interested in Dominic’s life. Napa-tingin ako sa may hagdanan nang marinig ko iyong boses ni Kaleigh. Pumunta kami sa may dining area. She gave me an unopened bottle of water.

“So,” sabi niya habang nasa harapan niya iyong iPad niya at naka-open doon iyong file nung script na sinend ko sa kanya. There were some comments and circles and I wanted to read them. I knew I probably would not like some of her comments, but accepting criticisms is the way to improve as a writer.

“We just finished iyong sa short film with Serj,” she said. “Iyong shinoot, remember?” she asked, and I nodded. “For next sem, kailangan ulit namin ng bagong material. And since same college naman na tayo nun, another friend is wondering if you’d like to work with her to adapt your script into a short film.”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko.

“Don’t worry, everything will be credited naman sa ’yo and it’s a collaborative work. Also, I can vouch for my friend—super galing nun and may ilang awards na siya sa mga films na nagawa niya. Medyo anal retentive lang ’yun, but I feel like magkaka-sundo naman kayong dalawa.”

Kaleigh and I discussed what would happen kung pumayag ako. The discussion lasted for an hour. Nang matapos kami ay nagpaalam siya na aalis na siya dahil may kailangan siyang ipasa bigla sa school. Nang maglakad ako paalis ay nakita ko si Dominic na naka-kunot na naman ang noo.

“Yes or no,” sabi bigla ni Dominic sa akin.

“About?”

“Just choose,” sabi niya.

“I cannot if I do not know kung ano ang pinipili ko.”

“There’s this courtside reporter asking me to guest in her Youtube account,” sabi ni Dominic. “I really don’t know her all that well, so should I say yes or no?”

“Hindi ka naman mamamatay, so bakit hindi ka na lang pumayag?”

“Yeah, well… A lot of people are ‘shipping’ us, so I think guesting there would just fuel the fire,” sabi ni Dominic. “I’m gonna say no, “ sabi niya at saka may pinindot sa cellphone niya. Tumingin siya sa akin. “San ka after? Free ka ba?”

Umiling ako. “Hinihintay ko lang si Kuya Robert. Pupunta si Austin Archangel sa bahay.”

“Nice,” sabi niya.

“Bakit naman?”

He shrugged. “Austin’s actually a great guy. You deserve a great guy,” sabi niya habang tinap ng tatlong beses iyong ulo ko.

Habang hinihintay ko si Kuya Robert ay nanood lang kami ng highlights ng laro ni Dominic na naka-post sa Youtube. Kaya pala sila shini-ship ay mayroong isang beses na initerview siya nung babae and admittedly, nilandi siya ni Dominic sa harap ng camera. Kasalanan niya rin naman daw pala.

Nang dumating si Kuya Robert ay umalis na ako. Pagdating ko sa bahay ay nakita ko na naka-park lang sa labas iyong sasakyan ni Austin Archangel. Lumabas ako ng sasakyan at saka bumukas din iyong pinto ng sasakyan niya.

“Kanina ka pa rito?” I asked.

“Around 20 minutes,” he said.

“Dapat pumasok ka na.”

“No, it’s fine,” sabi niya at saka kinuha iyong carrier ni Violet. Ang cute talaga niya. Mayroon pang kinuuha si Austin Archangel na isang box. “Treats for Blue and pandesal for Ate Gina.”

“Thank you,” I said because Blue loves treats. Kapag nagiging sweet na si Blue ay ibig sabihin gusto niya ng treats. Minsan, iniisip ko na tao rin sila… Ramdam niya kapag paubos na iyong treats niya at magpaparamdam siya na kailangan ko ng bumili.

Pagpasok namin sa loob ibinaba ni Austin Archangel iyong carrier at pinalabas si Violet. Nakita siya agad ni Blue tapos naglaro na silang dalawa. Sana ay ’wag silang tumalon sa pool.

“Ay, salamat!” tuwang-tuwa na sabi ni Ate Gina nang iabot sa kanya ni Austin Archangel iyong paper bag na mayroong laman na pandesal.

“Nako, may kaka-laban pa ata sa akin,” sabi ni Kuya Robert, pero hinampas lang siya ni Ate Gina.

Pina-punta nila kaming dalawa sa garden. Hinanap ko sina Blue at Violet, pero hindi ko sila makita. Sinubukan ko silang hanapin, pero sabi ni Ate Gina na siya na lang ang maghahanap. Wala naman kasing pwedeng labasan iyong dalawa na iyon maliban sa main door. Mataas iyong bakod sa palibot ng bahay namin kaya hindi nila kayang talunin iyon.

“How was the meeting?” tanong niya sa akin.

“Gusto raw ng kaibigan ni Kaleigh na gawing short film iyong script ko.”

“Wow, that’s great!”

“I know, pero kinakabahan ako.”

“It’s normal to be nervous,” sabi ni Austin Archangel. “But that shouldn’t stop you from pursuing your goal.”

I took a deep breath and nodded. “You’re right—everything is scary at first.”

He nodded. “But everything gets easier, too.”

“Yes, but I think there are exemptions… pero wala akong maisip ngayon kaya ’wag mo akong tanungin. I will text you kapag may naisip ako.”

Nagpasalamat kami kay Ate Gina nang dalhan niya kami ng meryenda. We quietly ate. The weather was nice—hindi masyadong mainit at maaraw.

Austin Archangel and I were discussing about the brunch he had with his family. Napunta kami roon dahil binanggit niya na pinaalala sa kanya ng nanay niya na pupunta ako sa bahay nila para sa dinner. Nandoon iyong lahat ng kapatid niya.

Habang nag-uusap kami ay napa-kunot ang noo niya nang may ma-receive siyang e-mail. I just saw the icon of gmail. Ibinaling ko iyong tingin ko sa pool to give him privacy. Nang ibaba niya iyong phone niya ay tumingin ako sa kanya. I did not want to ask him about it because like me, he’d tell me if he wanted to talk about it.

“Are you free tomorrow?” he asked.

“Yes. Why?”

“Arcade on the afternoon, and then dinner with my family?”

“Hindi ko pa tapos bilangin iyong tickets… Ilan pa ang kulang?”

“You tried to count?”

“Yes.”

“Sorry, I forgot to tell you—I had that counted in the arcade. Still 4053 tickets short.”

“Since you’re good at playing basketball, ilang araw tayo doon bago makuha lahat nun?”

“I think a week? If we’ll hog the game.”

“Ikaw lang kumuha nung lahat ng ticket?”

“Yeah. Cohen wanted to help, but I wanted to do it alone.”

Naka-tingin ako sa kanya. That was too much effort. Busy siya sa training pati sa mismong game at saka tinapos niya pa iyong requirements niya para sa degree niya. He must really like me.

“When did you decide that you like me?” I asked.

“I… don’t know for sure,” sabi niya sa akin. “At first, you were just the quiet seatmate. Then, I got curious because you’re always writing. I think it began there.”

“Dahil naki-basa ka sa script ko?”

“Hey, I did not read the script.”

“Your eyes just scanned the words,” I said, nodding.

“Traitor eyes,” he replied, grinning. And then he cocked his head to the side and then stared at me again. “Thank you for making me your inspiration. I think it started there. You caught me off guard.”

I slowly nodded. “You’re welcome, then.”

He laughed again. “The pleasure is always mine, Karaminah Viel.”

**

This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). For those asking, you can use Gcash/Paypal/Paymaya/Any Virtual Card/Credit Card as a mode of payment for Patreon. For GCash, just request for your digital card via Gcash app. Best app to use is Paymaya for Patreon.

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Chapter 34

Chapter 34

I stood on the side, holding the tickets habang si Austin Archangel iyong naglalaro. Nandito kami simula nang magbukas iyong mall. He was determined to finish it as soon as possible. I told him that I wasn’t rushing and we could take time para makuha iyong stuffed toy, but he was determined. Every after two hours, I would leave him to buy food, pero bawal iyong pagkain sa arcade kaya naman habang kumakain siya ay ako iyong naglalaro. I thought I was getting the hang of it already—the margin of error was declining with every attempt.

“725,” I said after the machine counted all the tickets we got for the day. May apat na iba-ibang babae ang nagpa-picture sa kanya habang nasa arcade kami—dalawa roon ay ako ang kumuha ng pictures nila. Mayroong isang beses na kinailangan ko talagang lumayo dahil gusto nung babae na full body shot at hindi sila kasyang dalawa sa screen dahil masyadong matangkad si Austin Archangel.

“I was right—this will take a week,” sabi niya.

“Pupunta ka ulit dito bukas?” I asked.

He shrugged. “I’m basically done with school and the season’s over,” sabi niya.

“What’s your plan after graduation?” I asked. Tinanong ko na siya dati kung bakit first semester siya natapos, and he mentioned that he would take summer classes. He said that he actually enjoys studying. He’s a nerd. Bihira lang ako maka-kita ng mga tao na nag-e-enjoy mag-aral.

“Nothing certain yet,” he said. “What’s your plan now that season’s over?”

I shrugged. “Nothing concrete yet gaya nung sa ’yo… pero makikipagmeet ako sa kaibigan ni Kaleigh para idiscuss iyong sa script,” I replied. “If that works out, doon ako magiging busy.”

Tumango siya. “Do you want to go home first?”

“Bakit? Hindi ba may dinner?”

“Yes… I just thought you might want to change?”

Napa-tingin ako sa suot ko. I was wearing a black leggings, loose white shirt, my favorite walking shoes, and my tote bag. I looked fine. Hindi naman din ako pinagpawisan buong araw dahil pinapa-nood ko lang si Austin Archangel.

“Is it a formal dinner?” I asked because if it was, then I really would need to change. Isa sa mga pangarap ni Mama sa akin ay ang sumunod sa dress code—it’s more than dressing to the ocassion, but more on respecting those who invited you.

“No, not really.”

“Okay,” I said. “But do you want me to change?” I asked because if he wanted me to dress more formally, I would, no problem.

“If you’re comfortable with that, you don’t have to change,” sabi niya.

I shrugged. “Okay.”

Pagbalik namin sa sasakyan niya, inilagay namin doon sa box iyong mga tickets na nakuha namin ngayong araw. Tama nga iyong sinabi niya na aabutin ng isang linggo… But I did not think na araw-araw kaming nandito. I would tell him na hindi ako pwedeng nandito araw-araw dahil may iba akong kailangang gawin.

“Can we go back to the mall?”

“Okay,” he said. “Did you forget something?”

“May naaalala ka bang nadaanan natin na flower shop? I will buy flowers for your mom,” sabi ko sa kanya dahil ganoon din ang ginagawa niya sa bahay—he’d bring food or flower for both my mother and Ate Gina. I should return the favor.

“No, it’s fine,” sabi niya.

“But I want to,” I replied.

Napa-ngiti siya. “Okay, then,” sabi niya at saka naglakad kami pabalik sa mall. Nagtanong kami sa guard, pero wala raw flower shop doon. Tumingin ako kay Austin Archangel at tinanong siya kung ano pa ang pwedeng ibigay sa nanay niya. “I think… cake? Or anything for dessert?”

“Okay,” I said. “Any preference?”

“Nothing too sweet,” he replied.

Pagdating namin sa cake shop, I asked around kung ano ang best seller nila at kung ano roon ang hindi pinaka-matamis. After weighing the pros and cons, I settled with buying a strawberry shortcake. It actually looked cute.

Dala-dala ni Austin Archangel iyong box ng cake habang naglalakad kami pabalik sa sasakyan niya. I saw a text from my mother telling me to bring something sa pamilya ni Austin Archangel. I replied, telling her na bumili ako ng cake.

“So, this is where you live,” I said when we stopped by a house that looked like it was built in the 90s with all the marbles na kita mo kahit nasa labas ka pa lang. I also saw a guest house sa gilid ng main house. The driveway leading to the main house was also around 300 meters, give or take. I also saw some cars parked on the side.

“Do you want to know anything before we go in?” he asked. Naka-hinto kami sa kalsada. The engine was still running. He was looking at me.

I shook my head. Tumango siya. Nakita ko na huminga siya nang malalim bago nagdrive papunta sa bahay niya. Paglabas namin sa sasakyan ay naglakad na kami. Dala-dala ko iyong box ng cake. Nang malapit na kami sa pintuan ay huminto siya. Huminto rin ako at napa-tingin sa kanya.

“Just a few… information,” sabi niya.

“I have five siblings—Maggie, Psalm, Saint, Cohen, and Cindy. Maggie is not here, so we don’t have to discuss about her. Psalm is also elsewhere. Saint will probably just eat and talk to you. Cohen will mind his own business.”

“What about Cindy?” I asked. It was the first time I heard that name. Kapag practice ay madalas kong marinig ang pangalan ni Psalm. Even Maggie’s name ay naririnig ko minsan na pinag-uusapan nilang magkakapatid. I also heard that ¾ of the members of the team ay may crush kay Maggie.

“Half-sibling,” he said. “It’s a whole story. I’ll tell you next time if you’re interested.”

“Okay,” I replied.

“My mom likes to talk about social gatherings, but you don’t have to talk about that if that doesn’t interest you. You can just compliment Cohen, if you want.”

“Why would I do that?”

He shrugged. “Just a suggestion… if you find yourself with nothing to say.”

“Okay…” I said. “I will throw Cohen a random compliment.”

“With my father, just try not to talk about politics.”

“That doesn’t even interest me.”

“Great,” sabi niya. “But if you can, don’t tell him you don’t care about politics.”

“Okay. What if he asks about my opinion?”

“Just… nod along,” he said. Tumango ako. Austin Archangel drew a deep breath. “I’m sorry if I have too many requests,” he continued.

“It’s okay,” I replied. I was never good at interacting with other people. I was actually thankful for the guidelines he was giving me. I never wanted to come off as rude, if I could help it.

“My family is important to me,” he said. “And you’re important to me. I just want this dinner to go without a hitch.”

I nodded. “I understand. Talk to Saint, compliment Cohen, and stay away from politics.”

Natawa siyang bigla. “Just don’t go overboard with complimenting Cohen, I guess?”

Tumango ako sa kanya. Ipinikit niya ang mga mata niya at huminga nang malalim. Tapos ay tumingin sa akin bago pindutin iyong door bell.

Pagpasok namin sa loob ay agad kaming pinapunta sa dining room dahil naka-handa na iyong pagkain. Naka-sabay namin si Cohen na naghi lang sa akin.

“You look good in your shirt,” I complimented Cohen.

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Thanks…”

Napa-tingin ako kay Austin Archangel kung tama ba ang ginagawa ko. He pursed his lips. There was a small smile on his face, but he nodded at me and gave me two thumbs up.

Pagdating namin sa mismong dining room ay nandoon na si Saint at iyong tatay nila.

“Good evening po,” I said. Sabi ni Ate Gina ay gumamit ako ng po buong gabi.

“Good evening,” he replied. Sinabi niya sa kasambahay nila na tawagin na si Mrs. Gomez de Liaño. Pagdating niya ay ibinigay ko sa kanya iyong strawberry shortcake and she thanked me.

They made me sit beside Austin Archangel habang katapat ko naman si Saint at katapat ni Austin Archangel si Cohen. Nasa magkabilang dulo ng lamesa si Mr. and Mrs. Gomez de Liaño.

“I hope you’ll like the food,” sabi ni Tita Anna, she insisted I call her that and her husband, Tito Bert. It sounded wrong, but I needed to get used to it. “I asked Austin and he said you don’t have any dietary restriction.”

I nodded. “As long as the food is clean,” I replied.

“Oh…” she said. And then smiled. “The food is clean.”

I nodded. “Thank you,” I said. Napa-tingin ako kay Austin Archangel. He was looking at me. Medyo naka-kunot ang noo niya. I looked at Cohen. “Your haircut is perfect,” I continued.

Nahulog iyong meatball sa tinidor ni Saint at kumunot ang noo ni Cohen. I looked at Austin Archangel and he quickly asked his mom about the food that was being served.

The whole dinner, Saint took over the conversation—they talked about some international news. Tito Bert asked about my opinion on the oil crisis on the Middle East and I told him that I think Cohen performed very well during the championship. Hindi niya na ako tinanong pagkatapos noon. If Austin Archangel did not tell me to compliment Cohen, I would explain some of the concepts about International Law that my mom discussed with me extensively. But I just quietly finished everything that was put on my plate.

“Austin tells me you’re into writing,” sabi ni Tita Anna.

“Yes,” I simply replied.

“So… anything you’re writing now?”

“I just finished a script.”

I quietly ate my cake.

“She’s actually really good,” sabi bigla ni Saint. “I heard Serj and he said there’s a talk about your script being adapted into a short movie?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“How about you, Austin?” sabi ni Tita Anna. “Have you replied to the email?”

The expression on Austin Archangel’s face changed. “Ma,” he said. Tumingin sa akin si Austin Archangel. He drew a deep breath. “I received an offer to play for a basketball team in Japan.”

“That’s great,” I said. He loves playing basketball. I wanted him to do what he loves doing and that’s playing basketball.

“If I accept, I’ll have to go to Japan in two weeks.”

“That’s a great opportunity,” I replied.

“Yeah… I know,” Austin Archangel said.

“Okay… I’m full,” sabi ni Saint at saka tumayo. “Ma, Pa, tea? Anyone?”

Tumayo na silang lahat. I waited for them to leave bago ako tumayo. I was full. I ate from every food that was served. Pakiramdam ko ay hindi ako matutunawan.

Nang maka-alis sila ay naiwan kaming dalawa ni Austin Archangel. He was looking at me.

“What?” I asked.

“If I accept, I’ll be leaving in two weeks.”

“I heard.”

He smiled. “Okay,” he said. Tumayo siya. “You wanna go home?” he asked and I nodded. It’s been a very long day. 

**

This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). For those asking, you can use Gcash/Paypal/Paymaya/Any Virtual Card/Credit Card as a mode of payment for Patreon. For GCash, just request for your digital card via Gcash app. Best app to use is Paymaya for Patreon.

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Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Nagpasalamat ako kay Austin Archangel nang ihatid niya ako sa bahay. He just nodded at me. Dumiretso na ako sa loob. Nakita ko si Mama na nasa may dining area at nagbabasa ng kung ano sa laptop niya. Napa-tingin siya sa gawi ko bago ko pa man matawag ang pangalan niya para sabihin na naka-uwi na ako.

“How was the dinner?” Mama asked.

“It was okay,” I replied. I did what Austin Archangel asked me—I stayed away from politics, ate my food, and complimented Cohen when I did not know what to answer.

“What did they ask?”

“My opinion on oil crisis.”

“Your opinion on what?” tanong ni Mama na naka-kunot ang noo.

“Austin Archangel’s dad asked me kung ano ang opinion ko sa oil crisis sa middle east. I wanted to talk about the power struggle that we talked about last year, but Austin Archangel said that I should stay away from politics, so I just complimented Cohen’s haircut.”

Naka-kunot ang noo ni Mama.

“Austin told you not to talk about politics?”

“Yes.”

“But he’s from a political clan.”

“Yes.”

Hindi na nagsalita pa si Mama. Nagsabi ako na aakyat na ako para makapagpalit na ako ng damit. Pagdating ko sa kwarto ay naligo na ako. It had been a long day, so I took a long shower. After that, I blow-dried my hair. I went to the Instagram to look at pretty pictures. Nakita ko na mayroong IG story si Dominic na naglalaro siya ng basketball. Halos puro iyon lang ang laman ng IG story niya at kung hindi iyon, kung anu-anong bagay na pinapadala sa kanya ng mga sponsor niya.

After I finished drying my hair, I read my script. Makikipagmeeting na ako sa kaibigan ni Kaleigh. I remembered everything about the script, but I just wanted to be sure. This was my first baby. This was the first script that I finished that I was actually proud of. I was also proud of the other two, but those were written when I still was not sure of what I was doing. Itong script na ’to… I poured everything in. I researched and spent sleepless nights writing and revising.

I was on page 11 reading when my phone vibrated.

‘Good night.’

‘Good night.’

I saw that Austin Archangel read my message. Ibinalik ko iyong atensyon ko sa bina-basa ko. At 11PM, I decided that I needed sleep.

The next morning, I did my usual routine. After that, I went to the coffee shop as discussed by Kaleigh and me. Nandoon iyong kaibigan niya na si Georgina or George, as she prefers to be called. Nag-usap lang kami tungkol sa kung ano ang vision ko sa script. I told her everything I thought of while I was writing the script, the inspiration and the consideration. After that, she told me about what she envisions for the script… and her vision’s better. Sinabi niya rin iyong mga ibang bagay na hindi pwedeng mangyari dahil sa limitation ng filmography as compared to writing. I completely understood.

“So… think about it and we’ll discuss again,” sabi ni George.

“Agreed,” I replied.

Nang matapos ang meeting namin ay nagpaalam na sila para umalis. Kinuha ko iyong cellphone ko para magtext kay Kuya Robert na sunduin ako, pero bago pa man ako makapagtext ay nakita ko na mayroong text sa akin si Austin Archangel. He was asking kung nasaan ako and I told him about my location. And then he asked kung pwede ba niya akong puntahan dito. I told him sa bahay na lang, but he asked kung pwede ba na dito na lang dahil malapit lang naman siya.

I ordered another coffee while I was waiting. Naubos na iyong kape ko kanina habang nag-uusap kami ni George. While I was in line, nakita ko na pumasok sa coffee shop si Austin Archangel. He was wearing a brown khaki shorts, white Ralph Lauren polo shirt, and brown Birkenstock sandals. Kahit na kaka-pasok niya pa lang sa pinto ay naamoy ko na agad iyong Tom Ford.

Lumapit siya sa akin nang makita niya ako.

“Hi,” I said.

“Hi,” he replied.

“The table’s there,” sabi ko sabay turo sa may upuan kung saan naka-patong iyong tote bag ko. Iniwan ko iyon doon. Dala ko naman iyong cellphone at wallet ko.

“What do you want? I’ll buy.”

“Iced coffee,” I replied tapos ay bumalik na ako sa may pwesto.

I fixed my things while I was waiting. Ipinasok ko sa tote bag ko iyong notebook, ballpen, at tatlong scratch paper na naiwan ni George. She was a messy person. Pareho sila ni Serj. Ganoon ba talaga kapag director? If so, malabong maging director ako. I hated being disorganized.

Nang matapos ako sa pag-aayos ng gamit ko ay naka-pila pa rin si Austin Archangel. Inilabas ko iyong cellphone ko at nagtext ako kay Kuya Robert na kasama ko si Austin Archangel. He asked me kung hindi na ba niya ako susunduin. Hindi agad ako nakapagreply.

“Ihahatid mo ba ako pauwi?” tanong ko nang bumalik siya na mayroong dalang iced chocolate at iced americano.

His forehead creased a little. “If you want,” he replied.

“I can ask Kuya Robert kung may pupuntahan ka.”

“No, I’ll drive you home,” sabi niya at saka inilagay sa harapan ko iyong inumin ko. Naupo siya sa harap ko. I thanked him for my drink and began to stir it. I was quietly sipping my drink. He was staring at my face. Before, I used to ask him kung bakit naka-tingin siya sa akin palagi… but I was already getting used to it. Ganoon siguro kapag nililigawan—laging tinititigan.

“About last night…” biglang sabi niya matapos ang isang minutong tahimik lang siya. Tumingin ako sa kanya habang hawak ko pa rin iyong paper straw. “I shouldn’t have told you about what you can and can’t say in front of my parents.”

“I appreciated the guidelines,” I said. Had he not told me about them, I would have discussed with his father the oil crisis in the middle east in detail. Baka umabot kami roon hanggang madaling araw sa dami ng gusto kong sabihin.

“But it wasn’t my place to police what you can and can’t say.”

“Why?” I asked. Kahit sila Mama at Ate Gina ay sinasabi sa akin kung ano ang pwede at hindi ko pwedeng gawin at sabihin. Why was it different now? I appreciated every little help.

“Because I told you I like you for who you are and then I tried to change you.”

“Just because you told me that I couldn’t talk about politics?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t even like politics,” I said. It’s messy and quite frankly, it felt like a whole game of charade. I was not fan of the theatrics.

“But you should still have the option to comment on it if you like.”

“I have nothing nice to say about politics.”

“I understand,” he replied.

“You said your family’s important and you wanted last night to go well… If I said something unpleasant about politics, your parents would not think favorably of me?”

Tumingin siya sa akin. Ang lalim ng hininga niya. “Not really… but there’s a whole thing going on with the family right now. I’d rather not go in detail.”

I nodded. “I understand.”

“Still, I just want to apologize.”

“Apology not needed, but accepted.”

“Thank you,” he replied. “Also… Cohen said thanks.”

“For what?”

“The compliments.”

“Oh.”

Austin Archangel smiled a little. “He thought he looked particularly good last night.”

“He always does look good,” I said. Cohen looks like the epitome of a good guy—iyon bang unang tingin mo pa lang ay parang hindi kayang gumawa ng masama. But also, he still looked a little bit young. In a few years, he’d definitely look better. Kamukha niya si Psalm.

Naka-tingin na lang siyang muli sa akin.

Tumingin lang din ako sa kanya.

“Karaminah Viel,” pagtawag niya.

“Austin Archangel,” paggaya ko.

“I know I already told you about this, but if I accept the offer, I will be leaving in two weeks.”

I nodded. “Sa Japan, ’di ba?”

“Yes.”

“Congratulations,” I said because that was really an achievement. From being a collegiate player, magiging professional player na siya. That’s something to be proud of lalo na at alam ko na passion niya ang paglalaro ng basketball.

“Thank you,” he replied with a small smile on his face.

“Hindi ka ba masaya?” I asked because if I were in his position, I would be over the moon. Alam ko na passion niya ang basketball dahil kita ko iyon tuwing may game—kung paano siya magfocus at kung paano niya ibigay ang lahat. I thought he’d have a bigger smile.

“Masaya,” he replied.

“Then why the small smile?”

Tumingin siya.

I just quietly waited.

“I will leave in two weeks,” was his reply.

“Yes, and so?”

“Won’t you miss me?” tanong niya habang naka-tingin sa mga mata ko. Bahagyang kumunot ang noo ko. Napaawang ang labi ko. Austin Archangel did not break the stare.

Hindi ako makapagsalita dahil hindi ko alam kung ano ang salitang dapat kong sabihin. Would I miss him? I think I would… but I would also be busy once the shooting starts and the semester begins, so hindi ko sigurado kung maiisip ko pa ba siya.

Hindi ako makapagdesisyon kaya hindi na lang ako nagsalita.

“Because I will definitely miss you.”

Ngumiti siya nang maliit.

“Will you accept the offer?” I asked, instead.

“I’d be crazy not to,” he replied.

“Definitely,” I said.

“It’s a great opportunity.”

“You’re correct.”

“I really want to take it.”

“As you should.”

Nagbuntung-hininga siya. “But I’ll still miss you.”

I blinked.

Hindi na naman ako nakapagsalita.

“Hindi ka pa naman aalis agad,” sabi ko maka-lipas ang sampung segundo. Inabot ko iyong baso ng inumin ko at hinawakan iyon. I began to stir the drink hanggang sa malusaw iyong yelo sa loob ng baso.

“Two weeks will fly by quickly.”

“You should make a schedule para magawa mo lahat ng dapat mong gawin,” sabi ko sa kanya. Kung aalis na siya in two weeks, marami siyang dapat gawin. He needed to be organized about it.

“What’s your schedule?” he asked.

“Why?”

“I need to spend more time with you… if that’s okay?”

My lips parted a little. “Dahil… nililigawan mo ako?”

“Yes,” he quickly replied.

“Kapag ba nasa Japan ka na, hindi mo na ako liligawan?”

“I’ll still court you, but since I’m in another country, that will require you to reply to my messages… and I’m guessing FaceTime at night?”

“Okay,” I said. “We should make a schedule.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Hanggang ano’ng oras ba ang training mo doon?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“Kapag alam mo na, sabihin mo sa akin para gagawa ako ng schedule. Ayos lang ba ’yon?”

“Yes,” he replied quickly. “You’ll really make time for me?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

Napa-ngiti siya. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” I said.

“But… will you be busy for the next two weeks?”

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

“Makikipagkita lang ako kay George.”

“George?” he asked.

I nodded. “Iyong gagawa ng short film.”

“Right…” he said, slowly nodding his head like he’s thinking. “How about at night?”

“Basta nasa bahay na ako ng 11PM.”

“Of course,” he said. “But can you free a day? I’ll take you somewhere.”

I nodded. “Okay. Sabihin ko sa ’yo kapag pwede ako.”

“Thank you,” he said. “Will you still go somewhere or will I drive you home?”

“Bahay na.”

Tumayo na kami at sinabi sa akin ni Austin Archangel na may mga kailangan pa siyang ayusin na forms at iyong sa visa niya. Marami pala siyang kailangang gawin bago siya umalis—may mga endorsement shoots pa pala siya na kailangang gawin para sa ilang brands. He seemed to be very busy for the next two weeks.

“Are you sure na aalis pa tayo?” I asked nang maka-rating kami sa harap ng bahay.

“Yeah… why?”

“Parang kulang pa iyong two weeks sa dami ng gagawin mo.”

“I’ll make time,” he said, looking at me.

“Hindi ka mapapagod?” I asked because just listening to all he needed to finish bago siya umalis, parang napagod na ako. Sa iba-ibang lugar pa siya pupunta. Nakakapagod pa naman umikot sa Maynila. The traffic was already stressing me.

“Seeing you will be my reward for the day.”

Hindi ako nakapagsalita.

What would I even say to that?

Austin Archangel smiled. He stared at me, and then tousled my hair. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” he asked and I nodded. “Good night,” he continued before I got out of his car and walked towards the house. 

**

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Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Austin Archangel originally said na susunduin niya ako ng 4PM sa bahay, pero 5PM na nang dumating siya. Ayoko ng nale-late. It’s a waste of time. But I kept on telling myself that he’s busy. Instead, I just opened my script and continued reading and making notes para kapag nag-usap na ulit kami ni George. Para kasi sa susunod na semester pa iyong sa short film, pero marami pang kailangang gawin for pre-production.

“Hi,” sabi ni Austin Archangel nang makita ko siya na naka-tayo sa harapan ko. He was wearing a maong pants, white Champion shirt, and white sneakers. “I’m sorry—the meeting ran long.”

I nodded as I put my iPad inside my bag. Tumayo na lang ako. Nagsabi siya kina Ate Gina na aalis na kami. Tahimik lang ako na naglalakad hanggang sa makarating kami sa sasakyan niya. I quietly put on my seatbelt.

“Hey…” he said.

Tumingin ako sa kanya. “What?”

“Are you mad?”

“No.”

“You’re too quiet—the different kind.”

“Iba-iba ba iyong pagka-tahimik ko?”

He nodded. “There’s the comforting silence… and there’s this silence.”

“This silence?”

“The scary one.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “How is this scary?” I asked dahil hindi lang naman ako nagsasalita. Kapag tinatawagan niya ako sa FaceTime ay ganito rin naman. I would usually just continue doing what I was doing and he’d do the same. We’re just doing our own business habang naka-bukas iyong FaceTime.

“Is this because I’m late? I’m really sorry,” he said.

“You could’ve messaged me.”

“What? I definitely texted—” sabi niya at saka kinuha iyong cellphone niya at napaawang ang labi. “Oh. The text did not come through,” he continued at saka pina-kita sa akin iyong text na mayroong pulang exclamation point sa gilid.

I looked at him.

“Thank you,” I said. Kumunot ang noo niya. “I thought you were just late. I don’t like waiting for nothing.”

He was looking at me. “I know… I’m sorry. I really thought the message was sent. I’ll double check next time,” sabi niya sa akin. I nodded. Naka-tingin pa rin siya. “So… you were really mad?”

“No.”

“You lie now?”

“I don’t lie,” I said. “Lying is tedious,” I explained. If I lied, I would have to remember every lie I ever told… My brain capacity was not built for that. It’s just way easier to tell the truth. “I was not mad… just disappointed.”

Tumango si Austin Archangel. “I understand… but I promise it won’t happen again,” sabi niya bago siya nagsimulang magdrive.

Austin Archangel did not tell me beforehand kung saan kami pupunta. All he told me was to dress comfortably, so I was wearing my usual attire—black leggings and white shirt. Dala ko rin iyong varsity jacket niya, just in case na malamig sa pupuntahan namin.

We pulled over in front of a two-storey building. Austin Archangel unbuckled his seatbelt. I unbuckled mine, too. Lumabas na kami sa sasakyan. I looked around. We’re in Quezon City, but I was not too familiar with this place. Kuya Robert’s always driving me around, o kung hindi siya ay si Austin Archangel ang kasama ko. I would be lost kung aalis ako mag-isa… but then again, there’s the Internet. I would be fine.

“Where are we?” I asked.

“Private theater,” he replied. Kumunot ang noo ko. He smiled at me. “Remember back in Zambales? There’s a list of movies you want to watch, but we never got the chance to watch them all?”

I nodded. “Yes… Manonood tayo dito?”

“Rented this place for the next two weeks,” he said. “I initially planned for out of town dates, but I really don’t have the time… And I remembered the movies. So… I thought of this.”

Naka-tingin ako sa kanya. He was staring back. How could this person remember every single thing I told him? I couldn’t even remember some of the things he told me last month…

“I had the popcorn machine cleaned, so we can eat popcorn while watching movies,” he said.

I blinked. “You’re amazing.”

He really was amazing. He remembered every single thing, every single detail. He told me that I should not compare him to the fictional boys I know… but he’s making me believe that he’s way better than them combined. Wala pa akong nababasa na ganito sa mga libro o sa mga pelikula na pinapanood ko.

His face turned red again… but I was not entirely sure because the sun was already setting at baka dahil lang iyon sa sinag ng araw. Nag-iwas siya ng tingin. He cleared his throat and said thanks bago sabihin na pumasok na kami sa loob.

Pagpasok namin sa loob ay binati lang kami nung bantay. It really was a small cinema dahil mayroong mga frames ng ilang mga indie films. I was familiar with a lot of them dahil pina-nood ko sila dahil sa workshops noon. I was in awe. First time kong maka-punta dito. I liked this place more than the cinemas in the mall.

“What flavor?” Austin Archangel asked habang naka-tayo kami sa harap ng popcorn machine. Papatapos pa lang iyong pagluluto ng popcorn. Amuy na amoy ko iyong butter.

“Meron bang sour cream?” I asked.

“Yes,” sabi niya. “Cheese, barbeque, and sour cream. You’ll have sour cream?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yes, please.”

Austin Archangel got a popcorn bucket. He filled the bucket halfway at saka nilagyan iyon ng sourcream powder. Iyong sa kanya ay mayroong barbeque powder. After that ay binigyan niya ako ng bottled water.

“Anything else?” he asked habang hawak namin iyong kanya-kanyang popcorn bucket at bottled water.

I shook my head. “What are we watching?” I asked.

“I think it’s Got To Believe In Magic, “ he replied.

“I heard good reviews about it,” sabi ko habang naglalakad kami papasok sa loob. It was one of the movies I was required to watch before, but I never got around to watching it.

There were only ten rows of seats. Kami lang ang tao sa loob. Nandoon kami sa fifth and sixth seats ng seventh row. Naupo ako sa may fifth seat at saka inilagay iyong bottled water sa may cupholder. Hindi pa nagsisimula iyong screening dahil mayroong mga trailer na pinapalabas sa screen.

“Ready?” Austin Archangel asked.

“Ready,” I nodded.

The movie began. My eyes were focused on watching the movie and seeing every scene play before my eyes. Pinapanood ko rin iyong setting ng mga eksena at kung paano iyong mga dialogues nila. I reached for the bottled water when the first kissing scene began. Napa-tingin ako kay Austin Archangel dahil nagtama iyong mga kamay namin, but his hand flinched upon touching mine.

“Sorry,” he quickly said.

“Are you okay?” I asked dahil kahit na madilim sa cinema ay kita ko na parang hindi siya mapakali. I could only see the sparkle in his eyes tuwing matatamaan iyon ng liwanag mula sa screen.

“Yes,” he replied.

Nang tumingin kami sa screen ay patuloy pa rin iyong kissing scene. Austin Archangel reached for the bottled water again. I watched the movie again. Akala ko ay tapos na iyong movie, pero biglang mayroong bonus feature na kissing scene nung dalawang lead actors. Agad akong napa-tingin kay Austin Archangel because he was trying to drink from the already empty bottled water.

“Is it because of the kissing scene?” I asked. Nang manood kami dati ay ganito rin ang reaksyon niya. I almost thought that he had some issues with his lungs dahil sa patuloy na pag-ubo niya… But I had been spending a lot of time with him lately. Ganito iyong reaksyon niya tuwing manonood kami ng movie at mayroong kissing scenes. Mas grabe iyong reaksyon niya nung sa The Notebook iyong pinanood namin.

“No,” he said.

“Then why aren’t you watching it?”

Ibinalik niya iyong tingin niya sa screen. Naka-titig siya roon habang patuloy iyong kissing scene—those two leads have been kissing for a full minute. Mukhang behind the scenes iyong pinapalabas. They were really going at it.

“It’s been a minute already,” sabi ni Austin Archangel habang naka-tutok pa rin sa screen.

“I know,” I said. “Hindi ba nila kailangang huminga?”

“I think they’re breathing,” he said. “If they do not breathe, they would’ve died already.”

“Maybe they’re breathing through the nose…” I commented. Nagpapack-up na iyong production team pero patuloy pa rin sila sa ginagawa nila.

“Maybe,” he replied.

And then finally, the movie ended and the screen went black. Tanging mga emergency exit lights lang ang naka-bukas. I looked at Austin Archangel to ask him kung mayroon pa ba kaming papanoorin na movie o kung aalis na kami, but my forehead creased when I saw him staring at me.

“What?” I asked.

“I did not eat any popcorn,” he said.

“Why? Hindi ba masarap iyong barbeque?” I asked. I tried to eat, but I was too focused on the movie kaya rin hindi ko nagalaw iyong popcorn ko. Iuuwi ko na lang dahil sayang naman.

I continued staring at him. I was waiting for him to tell me what movie we’d watch next, but instead, he called my name.

“Can we…” sabi niya habang naka-tingin pa rin sa akin. “…kiss?” mahinang dugtong niya, pero dahil kami lang ang tao rito sa loob ay rinig na rinig ko iyong sinabi niya sa dulo.

I gulped.

I remembered the kiss we just watched. Ganoon iyong halik na dine-describe sa akin ni Dominic… That was the kiss I was expecting Austin Archangel to do with me before… But now that I watched it right before me, I was somehow undecided.

“Okay,” I said. “But what if I can’t breathe?” I asked because that was a real concern.

“Then we’ll pause.”

“Sasabihin ko ba na pause?”

“Just… pull away?”

“Okay.”

There was three seconds lull.

Austin Archangel adjusted on his seat hanggang sa naka-harap siya sa akin. He placed his left hand on the side of my face. I flinched because his hand was cold.

“Malamig iyong kamay mo,” sabi ko sa kanya.

“I’m nervous,” he said.

“You don’t have to kiss me like in the movie,” I said because that kiss seemed like it was a really good kiss… And Austin Archangel only kissed twice in his entire lifetime… and both times were just our lips touching. I didn’t want him to pressure himself.

He did not answer—instead, he leaned in hanggang sa magtama iyong mga labi namin. I closed my eyes like the lead did. Our lips were only touching for five seconds before I felt Austin Archangel nibbling my lower lip… and then the upper one. I was mimicking his every movement. During the first minute, he was kissing me slowly… but after the first minute, bumilis iyong paghalik niya sa akin. Both his hands were cupping my face. He was kissing me deeply. Hindi na ako maka-hinga. Agad akong napa-atras. Doon ko lang napansin na humi-hingal na ako.

Oh… that was why they said kissing is fun.

It really is fun… for some reason.

“I need to breathe,” I said as I leaned back. I was breathing deeply. I touched my lips and they felt sore.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Why?” I asked.

“I… don’t know.”

“I just need a minute,” I replied, still trying to catch my breath. Tahimik lang siyang naka-tingin sa akin. “I’m good,” I said.

“What?”

“Let’s kiss again,” I said and then we kissed again and the next movie was long forgotten. 

**

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Chapter 37

Chapter 37

bluethecat: I have an important question

domiller: shoot

bluethecat: swear to me first that you won’t tell this to anybody

domiller: okay i swear

bluethecat: when Austin Archangel and I kiss, I feel things. And after I researched, I realized that that’s called being horny. And I don’t want to have sex yet. It’s not like I want to get married first before I want to have sex. I just want to graduate first. What do I do?

I stared at the screen. Tatlong beses na nagkaroon ng typing si Dominic, pero tatlong beses din iyon na natigil. I patiently stared at the screen, waiting for his reply. I was about to ask Ate Gina about this, but I read in a forum that I should ask a peer about this. And Ate Gina is more like a second-mother to me than a peer. Si Dominic ang best friend ko kaya dapat siya ang tanungin ko. And he’s much more experienced.

Akala ko ay magrereply si Dominic kaya lang ay biglang nagkaroon siya ng video chat sa Instagram. Normally, I would be rejecting this call, but this was a pressing issue. Magkikita kami ni Austin Archangel in 3 hours. I did not want to have sex in a private theater.

Normally, I would trust myself.

But lately, I was beginning to doubt myself.

It went from kissing to full on make out session.

It’s definitely weird how we quickly jump from one thing to another. Parang nung una lang ay hindi namin alam ang ginagawa namin… Perhaps it’s true that procreation is a man’s natural instinct.

“I—” sabi ni Dominic at saka napa-tigil. He was wearing a black headband na mayroong Nike na design. Naka-suot din siya ng black na jersey shirt. Mukhang naglalaro siya ng basketball. “What?” muling sabi niya.

“How do I stop myself from having sex?”

His lips parted and his eyes widened. Napa-suklay siya sa buhok gamit iyong kaliwang kamay habang hawak pa rin ng kanang kamay niya iyong cellphone niya.

“Just… don’t?” sagot niya.

“I know, but I don’t trust myself.”

“Wait… the last time, you don’t even know how kissing works! You had me answer your questionnaires. And now you’re telling me you’re about to have sex?”

I nodded. “I know,” I replied, agreeing. But what could I do? Whenever Austin Archangel and I would kiss, nalilimutan ko kung ano ang nangyayari. Wala pa kaming natatapos sa mga pinapanood namin dahil iisa lang ang kinakabagsakan namin. I did not trust myself around him kapag madilim at kaming dalawa lang ang tao. I thought I would have more restraint, but clearly, I was in the wrong. I overestimated myself.

“How do I say no without offending him?”

“If he gets offended, then there’s something wrong with him,” Dominic replied. “Look, Karaminah, I know we’re best friends, but you shouldn’t discuss this with me—this is between you and Austin. Just tell this to Austin and discuss this with him. I’m sure he’ll be fine and he won’t be offended.”

I nodded. “Okay.”

“Good,” he said. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“Bakit naman hindi?”

“He’s leaving tomorrow, right?” I nodded. “And you’re fine?”

“Why won’t I be fine?” I asked. He’s leaving for his career as a professional basketball player. What other choice did he have?

“Nothing,” he said, shaking his head. “Good luck and text me when you’re free to hang,” sabi niya bago ibinaba iyong videocall.

Bumaba ako at hinanap si Blue. Tapos na akong mag-edit sa script at kailangan ko iyong input ni George bago ako mag-edit muli, pero busy pa siya kaya next week pa kami magkikita. Instead, kinuha ko si Blue at dinala ko siya sa garden para kuhanan ng pictures. Napupuno na ng comments na mga mata iyong latest picture sa Instagram kaya kailangan ko na mag-upload ng panibago.

Nang matapos ako roon ay bumalik na ako sa kwarto ko para maligo. I took a 30 minutes shower and then dried my hair. I wore a maong shorts, plain and loose white shirt, and white lowcut Converse All Star sneakers.

Nang naka-ayos na ako ay chineck ko ulit iyong box na hinanda ko para sa kanya. For some reason, I stumbled upon an article online about care packages. Naniniwala na talaga ako na nakikinig sa usapan iyong cellphone. Lately, puro tungkol sa Japan ang targeted ads sa mga accounts ko. I prepared a box for Austin Archangel at ngayong gabi ko ibibigay sa kanya dahil hindi na kami magkikita bukas.

Austin Archangel texted me na papasok na raw siya sa subdivision. Pagbaba ko ay nandoon na siya sa salas at kausap sila Ate Gina at Kuya Robert. He was wearing his usual attire—brown khaki shorts, white Ralph Lauren polo shirt, and light brown boat shoes. Napa-tingin siya sa akin at ngumiti. Nagpaalam na kami kina Ate Gina at naglakad papunta sa sasakyan niya.

“What’s that?” tanong niya habang naka-tingin sa hawak ko na box.

“For you,” I said. “Mamaya ko ibibigay.”

He nodded. “We’re not watching a movie tonight,” sabi niya.

“Hindi tayo sa private theater?” I asked.

“No.”

“Thank you,” I replied.

Napa-tingin siya sa akin. “Why? You don’t like the private theater?”

“I like it… I just don’t trust myself kapag nandoon ako.”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “What?”

“I don’t want to have sex there—” sabi ko at halos naka-dikit na iyong mukha ko sa dashboard kung hindi lang ako naka-suot ng seatbelt. Agad akong napa-tingin sa kanya kung okay lang ba siya dahil nagpreno siya. Nang masigurado ko na okay lang siya ay tumingin ako sa harapan kung may nasagasaan ba kami.

“Where are you going?” he asked nang tanggalin ko iyong seatbelt ko para lumabas.

“I’ll check kung may nasagasaan ba,” I said.

“What? No, I didn’t hit anyone,” he replied.

“Then why did you brake that hard?” I asked dahil kung wala akong seatbelt ay baka nasa labas na ako ng sasakyan ngayon.

Naka-tingin lang siya sa akin. Kumunot ang noo niya tapos ay nawala rin iyon. Napa-awang ang labi niya, pero nawala rin iyon. Nagsalubong ang kilay niya, pero nawala rin iyon.

“You said—” sabi niya at napa-hinto. Kumunot na naman ang noo niya. “What?” he asked. Wala akong naintindihan sa sinabi niya. Tumingin lang ako sa kanya. Nasa loob pa rin kami ng subdivision at hindi pa kami nakaka-labas. Mabuti na lang. Baka naaksidente kami kung sa labas siya nagpreno nang ganoon kalakas. “What…” sabi niya nang mahina. “What made you think that we’ll have—” Huminga siya nang malalim. “Sex,” dugtong niya sa sobrang hina na boses, pero narinig ko dahil kaming dalawa lang naman ang nasa sasakyan. “In the theater?”

“Because we kissed and then we made out—in natural progression of things, sex na ang kasunod,” sabi ko sa kanya. “I don’t require marriage before sex, but I want to graduate first from college.”

Austin Archangel’s lips parted again. I quietly sat there at naghintay ng sagot niya kung payag ba siya sa sinasabi ko. He’s a practicing Catholic, but I could not tell from that alone kung against ba siya sa pre-marital sex.

“Are you against pre-marital sex?” I asked him.

“What—” sabi niya at saka napa-tigil ulit. “Wow,” sabi niya habang naka-tingin pa rin sa akin at medyo kunot ang noo. “This conversation is making my head spin.”

“Gusto mo ng gamot?” I asked dahil may dala ako na emergency medicine sa bag ko, just in case.

“No,” sabi niya at umiling. He ran his fingers through his hair. “Okay…” he continued. “I don’t expect that we’ll have—” sabi niya at napa-hinto. “Sex,” he said like it was a forbidden word.

“Why do you say sex like you’ll disintegrate kapag sinabi mo iyon?”

He let out a deep breath. “I just didn’t expect that we’ll be having this conversation this soon,” he said.

“Why not?” I asked. “We’re already making out. Hindi ba sex na ang kasunod nun?” I was even surprised that we hadn’t done that already. Sa mga napapa-nood kong pelikula ay nagawa na iyon ng mga bida.

Austin Archangel looked at me with his lips parted and his forehead slightly creased. Tapos ay binabaan niya ang temperature sa loob ng sasakyan niya.

“Okay,” he said, nodding his head. “We’re talking about this.”

“Ayaw mo ba?” I asked.

“Not that but—” sabi niya at natigil na naman ang sasabihin niya. He’s making my head hurt kapag hindi niya tinatapos ang sasabihin niya. “I…am not against premarital sex,” he said. “As long as it’s consensual and safe, I have no problem about it.”

“So, we’ll have sex?” I asked. “Can you wait until I graduate?”

Imbes na sumagot ay isinandal niya iyong mukha niya sa steering wheel.

“Is that a no? “ I asked. “At least let me finish my first semester in Creative Writing,” sabi ko sa kanya. I was not dead set on the graduation… And I was not even sure kung matutuloy ko iyon. Every time Austin Archangel would kiss me, I would feel things in between my legs—and that was when I realized that history was right—sex is every man’s weakness.

Habang naka-sandal pa rin ang ulo niya sa steering wheel ay lumingon siya sa akin at tumingin.

“I will never force you to have sex,” sabi niya at mas mahina iyong salitang sex. “When…” Huminga siya nang malalim. “When we kiss, do you think that I expect sex?”

I shook my head. “No,” I replied. “I just feel like we should have sex whenever we kiss.”

His lips parted. “Jesus Christ,” mahinang sambit niya.

Naghintay ulit ako ng sasabihin niya, pero imbes ay tinanggal niya iyong pagkaka-sandal ng ulo niya sa may steering wheel niya at saka lumabas sa sasakyan. Hindi ako gumalaw. Tumingin siya sa akin.

“Let’s just walk around,” sabi niya.

“Hindi na tayo aalis?”

“I’ll just have food delivered,” sagot niya. “Let’s go to the playground.”

Hawak-hawak ko iyong box habang naglalakad kami papunta sa playground. Pagdating namin doon ay walang tao. Wala nga yatang pumupunta rito. Wala rin naman kasing mga bata dito sa subdivision. I sat on the swing. Naupo rin si Austin Archangel sa kabila.

“Karaminah Viel,” pagtawag niya sa akin.

“Austin Archangel,” sagot ko.

“If you feel that way, let’s not kiss until we’re in a relationship.”

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. “Why?”

“It’s better that way,” he replied. Tumingin siya sa akin. “And… probably, no sex until we’ve been together for at least a year?”

“A year? That’s 365 days.”

“I know—I’ll be counting the days,” he replied. He reached for my head and then tousled my hair. “We can just spend time together without doing that.”

I nodded. “Okay,” I said. “But kissing is fun.”

Natawa siya. “I agree.”

“Aalis ka na rin naman bukas,” I said.

“Yeah…” Tumingin siya sa akin. “Will you miss me?”

“I will miss you,” I replied. For two weeks, araw-araw ko siyang nakikita at nahahalikan. I was already used to his presence—he made me used to his presence. Of course I would miss him.

He smiled. “I’ll try to go home as often as I can.”

“May break ka ba?”

“Every after two months,” he replied.

“I will see you in two months,” I said.

“You’ll see my face every night in FaceTime.”

“Right,” I replied.

“I will miss you terribly.”

“You’ll see my face in FaceTime every night,” sagot ko sa kanya at napa-ngiti siya at ginulo iyong buhok ko.

Nasa swing lang kami habang hinihintay iyong order ni Austin Archangel na pagkain. After 45 minutes ay dumating na iyong lasagna, chicken wings, and bottled water na order niya. Naglatag kami doon sa may tabi ng slide. I sat on the mantel. We ate and googled the endings of the movies that we watched dahil hindi namin sila natapos. Nang matapos kaming kumain, we sat on the swing again. Austin Archangel brought sparkles.

“What is this for?” I asked habang sinisindihan niya iyong hawak ko na sparkler.

He shrugged. “It’s just nice to look at,” sagot niya.

I stared at the sparkler as it sparkle. Naka-upo kami sa swing habang inuubos iyong dala niya na isang pack. When we finished, I grabbed the box and gave it to him.

“Can I open this?” he asked.

I shook my head. “Open it when you’re in Japan.”

He nodded. “Okay.”

Tumingin ako sa relo ko. 10:45PM na pala. I didn’t notice the time. Ang tagal pala naming kumakain ng dinner.

“I need to go home,” I said.

“Come here,” he replied, holding my hand and pulling me close hanggang yakap niya na ako. I felt him hugging me tighter. “I wish we met sooner,” he said.

“Nasa high school pa ako nun.”

I felt him laughing. “I wish we’re of the same age.”

“We can’t do anything about that,” I said. “And I don’t think you’re old.”

Natawa ulit siya. “God, I’ll really miss you,” he replied as he hugged me tighter until I could barely breathe.

** This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories.

Chapter 38

Chapter 38

I woke up because of the sound from my phone. Naupo ako sa kama ko at kinuha iyong cellphone ko na naka-lagay sa nighstand. Austin Archangel’s phone was flashing on the screen. My forehead creased upon seeing that it was 38 minutes past 4AM.

“Hello,” I said upon answering the call.

“Hey…” sagot niya. “I know I woke you up.”

“Good,” I said. “Why are you calling right now?” tanong ko sa kanya dahil madaling araw ngayon. Mamaya pang 7AM ako dapat gigising. Pero ngayon na ginising niya ako, makaka-tulog pa ba ulit ako? O baka gising na ako buong araw? I was yet to find out.

“I know I said we don’t need to meet before my flight but…” Huminto siya. “I need to see you one more time.”

“Okay,” I said.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Good,” sagot niya. “I’m actually outside your house.”

Tumayo ako mula sa higaan ko. Naglakad ako hanggang sa makarating ako sa veranda sa second floor. Nakita ko na nandoon nga si Austin Archangel sa labas ng bahay namin. He was standing outside his car. Nang makita niya ako ay kumaway siya sa akin.

“Lalabas ba ako?” I asked him because he only said na gusto niya akong makita. Nakita niya na ako ngayon. Hindi ko pa nasusubukan na lumabas ng bahay ng madaling araw. Tulog pa lahat ng tao sa bahay.

“Can you go out?” he asked.

“Hindi ko pa nasubukan,” sagot ko dahil hindi ko alam kung pwede akong lumabas.

“Just stay there,” sabi niya.

“Okay,” sagot ko. “Ano’ng oras ang flight mo?”

“7:15,” he said. “I should be on my way to the airport now.”

I nodded. “Two hours before the flight ang check-in kapag international travel,” I said.

“I’ll take my chance,” he replied. “I’m sorry for waking you up.”

“I’m sorry, too,” sabi ko dahil ngayon ay parang hindi na talaga ako makaka-tulog pagkatapos nito. Maaapektuhan kaya nito ang buong araw ko? Sanay naman akong gumising ng ganito kaaga… pero kailangan iyon dati dahil sa training. Ngayon lang ako nagising ng wala sa plano.

“Do you wanna go back to sleep?” he asked.

“I don’t think I can,” I replied.

Naka-tingin kami sa isa’t-isa habang magkausap sa cellphone. The wind blew against my skin. Ang lamig. Sanay ako sa malamig, pero iba talaga iyong lamig kapag ganito na madaling araw. It’s colder.

“Okay,” he said. I heard him sighing. Medyo madilim at medyo malayo siya. I couldn’t exactly see the expression on his face. But even from afar, matangkad pa rin siyang tignan. “I should leave.”

“You should.”

He chuckled. “I know…” he said. “I should’ve asked your parent’s permission to bring you with me to the airport.”

“Tulog pa sila.”

“I know.”

Hindi ako nagsalita. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko. He wanted to see me—nandito naman ako. Naka-tingin lang siya sa akin. I could hear his steady breathing from the other end of the line.

“I’ll miss you,” he said.

“I will miss you, too,” I replied because I figured that that’s the expected response. And I would really miss him. I wondered if I would feel different later when he’s in Japan. Nasanay ako ng dalawang linggo na kasama ko siya palagi. Would I feel any different? Was longing for someone real? Would I really feel a void because of his absence?

I wondered if I would feel the same sadness those leads in the movies and in the stories feel whenever the male character would leave the country…

“Go back in,” sabi niya.

“Okay,” I replied. Tumalikod ako at naglakad na pabalik sa bahay. I locked the door to the veranda and walked back inside my room. Naupo ako sa kama ko.

“I’ll call you as soon as I’m able,” he said.

“Okay,” I replied.

“Sorry for cutting your sleep short. I know you need to wake up at 7AM.”

Until now, the fact that he knew of my schedule and requirements still fascinate me.

“Take care. Have a safe flight.”

“Thank you,” he said. “I will talk to you later,” he continued before ending the call. Ibinaba ko iyong cellphone ko sa nightstand. Pumunta ako sa CR. Pagbalik ko, nakita ko na mayroon siyang text.

‘Again, sorry for disrupting your sleep.’

Hindi na ako nagreply. Kinuha ko iyong laptop ko at binasa ko iyong script. I added some comments on different scenes na sa palagay ko ay makaka-tulong kapag naging eksena na talaga siya. My imagination when I was writing was very vivid… I hoped I was able to translate it into words, but just in case that I wasn’t able to do that, inilagay ko na lang sa comments.

My phone alarmed at exactly 7AM. Pagbaba ko ay nagtoast ako ng tinapay at nilagyan iyon ng peanut butter. I prepared my coffee. I quietly enjoyed my breakfast.

“What’s your plan today?” Mama asked.

“Write.”

“Hindi ka aalis?”

“No.”

“Kamusta si Austin?” Papa asked.

I looked at the clock. It was 7:17AM. “He’s on the plane right now,” sabi ko. 7:15AM ang flight niya. If there’s no delay, nagboarding na sila kanina. The plane’s probably on the runway right now and on its way up in the air.

“Aalis siya?” Papa asked, his forehead creased.

“Japan,” I replied. “He was offered a spot on a team. He’s the only Filipino,” I continued, relaying the information that Austin Archangel told me last night.

“Wow,” Papa said. “Paano kayo niyan?”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Paano kami?”

“Nililigawan ka niya, ’di ba?”

I nodded. “What about it?” I asked. Nililigawan niya ako. Nasa Japan siya. Was I missing something? Dapat ba nasa tabi ko siya? He’s there for his career. Was I supposed to demand that he stays by my side? That sounded illogical.

“Nothing,” Papa replied, smiling at me.

Hindi na namin pinag-usapan pa si Austin Archangel pagkatapos nun. Umakyat na ako at pinagpatuloy iyong paglalagay ng comment ko sa script. I was in the zone. Napa-tingin lang ako sa cellphone ko nang maka-rinig ako ng tunog mula roon. I saw a text from Austin Archangel telling me na nagland na siya sa airport. He was merely informing me. There was no need to need to reply, so I did not bother.

Dahil maaga akong nagising, mas maaga akong naka-tulog. The next morning, I saw a text from Austin Archangel asking me if I was up for FaceTime, but I was already asleep by the time he texted.

‘Good morning,’ I sent a message.

Bumaba na ako para mag-almusal. Pag-akyat ko sa taas ay naka-kita ako ng message mula kay George asking kung may free time ba ako ngayong araw para makapagmeet kami. I told her that I was free the entire day, but that I would prefer to be informed at least an hour in advance. We agreed to meet at 10AM at the café outside school.

I played with Blue and I forced him to take pretty pictures. I still needed to post dahil kapag hindi ay natatabunan ng comments ng mga mata iyong latest photo. I still did not understand kung bakit sila nagcocomment ng mata.

I prepared for the meeting. I wore a straight denim jeans, white Uniqlo shirt that I tucked in, white Converse lowcut sneakers, and my totebag na may line art ng pusa.

“Good morning,” I greeted. I thought I arrived early because it was still 5 minutes to 10AM, but George was already there. Her hair was in a tight ponytail. Mayroong makapal na notebook sa harapan niya at mayroong black and blue ballpen 0.5mm ball needle point Energel pen doon.

“Good morning,” she greeted back. “I already ordered coffee.”

I nodded. “I will order mine,” sagot ko sa kanya. Pumunta ako sa counter para umorder ng chocolate drink. Nang makuha ko iyon ay bumalik ako.

“Shall we begin?” she asked.

“Yes,” I replied.

George discussed about the general plan for the project and then she proceeded to her expectations from me. She told me that whatever I wanted to see on the project, I should list them all down and give that list to her. If it’s possible and if fits the vision, she will incorporate it in the adaptation. Kung hindi, she will discuss that with me. And once the production is ongoing, I could not just demand that something be changed because that would cause a hitch in the production. Kaya kung anuman ang gusto kong makita, ilagay ko na lahat sa listahan. She was very clear about what her expectations were. I was impressed.

While she was discussing what her vision for the project was, my phone vibrated. I looked at it and saw Austin Archangel’s name.

“Do you need to get that?” she asked, looking at the phone.

“No,” I replied and then went back to the discussion.

We started at 10AM and finished at 1PM. Nagpaalam ako nang matapos ang meeting namin dahil nasa labas na si Kuya Robert. Pagsakay ko sa sasakyan, kinuha ko iyong cellphone ko.

‘Good morning. Just finished with the training. Do you have a minute?’ His text was sent 2 hours ago.

‘Hi. Pauwi pa lang ako,’ I replied.

Hanggang maka-balik ako sa bahay ay walang reply galing sa kanya. Pag-akyat ko sa kwarto ay naglinis ako ng katawan. I went down to the kitchen to eat and then proceeded to play with Blue. Pagbalik ko sa kwarto ay sinimulan ko na iyong list na sinasabi ni George sa akin. Nakita ko na mayroon siyang sinend na template sa email, so I followed that.

At 9:21PM, Austin Archangel sent a message.

‘Just finished with the training. FaceTime?’

‘Okay.’

Inilagay ko iyong cellphone ko sa may cellphone holder. Thirty seconds later, he was calling and I answered that. Agad na nakita ko iyong mukha niya. His hair looked sweaty. There were beads of sweat around his forehead. It looked like he literally just finished with training.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi,” I replied.

Then there was silence.

“Do you mind? I’m really hungry,” sabi niya sabay pakita sa akin ng onigiri.

“Hindi ka ba nagdinner?” I asked because it’s already 10:23PM in Japan dahil advanced sila ng isang oras.

“Early dinner, but I’m hungry again,” sagot niya. “The training here is different.”

“Mas mahirap?”

“Definitely,” he replied. “What happened to your day?” he asked and I told him about what happened the entire day—from the moment I woke up to before he called me. “George seems very hands on.”

I nodded. “She is. She even sent me a template para sa list na hinihingi niya.”

“That’s nice, right? At least you’ll know everything that she’ll expect from you.”

“I know,” I said, agreeing. I loved that she laid down everything I needed to do—that way, wala akong mamimiss. And Kaleigh said that George already won awards—I would learn a lot from her.

But then I yawned.

It had been a long day.

“Are you sleepy?” he asked.

“Kind of,” I replied.

“Do you want to sleep?”

“Hindi pa,” sagot ko sa kanya. “Iyan na ba ang dinner mo?”

“Thinking,” sabi niya. “I don’t have food in my room… and I don’t want to go outside to get food.”

“Mabubusog ka ba d’yan?” I asked because the onigiri looked lacking nang hawak niya iyon. Austin Archangel is a huge person. Kapag katabi ko siya ay pakiramdam ko ang liit ko.

“Not really.”

“Then get food,” I said.

He chuckled. “Okay, if you insist,” he said and then I saw him turning. Tahimik lang kami habang naglalakad siya. And then he went inside 7-11. He flipped the camera to show me the food there and he made me choose kung ano ang kakainin niya. I could not choose since I did not know kung alin ang masarap doon, but Austin Archangel told me to just choose randomly. Against my free will, I chose a bento box with chicken and rice. I also told him to buy a large bottle of water.

Pagdating niya sa kwarto niya, inilagay niya iyong cellphone niya sa may table. I watched him as he walked around. His room looked clean, but I saw his opened luggage on the right side of the room.

“Hindi ka pa nag-uunpack?” I asked nang maupo siya sa harap ng phone. Binuksan niya na iyong bento box tapos iyong chopsticks.

“Not yet.”

“When will you unpack?”

“The weekend?”

“Okay,” I said. I thought the rule was to unpack as soon as you go to your room… Kapag umaalis kami, pagbalik ko ay inaayos ko na iyong gamit ko. I could not function while knowing that there’s a luggage waiting to be unpacked.

“I will unpack tomorrow,” he said.

“Okay,” I replied.

Kumain na siya ng bento box niya. Hindi ako nagsasalita. It was weird watching him eat, but he seemed to be fine with it. Nang matapos siya ay inilagay niya iyon sa trash bin.

I yawned again. I normally could stay as late as 1AM, but I had been out today at kapag lumabas ako, mas mabilis akong mapagod at mas maaga akong natutulog.

“You’re sleepy,” he said.

“Yes,” I agreed. My lids felt heavy. “You cannot sleep yet. Kailangan 3 hours bago ka matulog ang huling kain mo.”

“Really?” he asked.

I nodded. “I would not lie about such a thing.”

He chuckled. “Okay… but I don’t think I can stay up for three more hours,” he said. “But I’ll keep that in mind the next time.”

I nodded. “Good night.”

He smiled. “Good night,” he said. “Talk to you again tomorrow.”

** This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories.

Chapter 39

Chapter 39

‘Online already.’

I read Austin Archangel’s message. During the first three weeks, we talked eight times because our schedules just would not cooperate. 10PM na ako madalas maka-uwi dahil gusto kong sumama sa lahat ng pre-production activities. I just wanted to gather as much knowledge and information as I could. Kaleigh was right—George was very organized. She wanted done everything to perfection. I had no qualms about it. I liked her work ethic.

“What?” I asked nang makita ko na naka-tingin si George sa akin. She was looking at me with her head tilted on the left side of her neck. There was a small crease on her forehead.

“Do you want to go home?” she asked.

“No.”

“You’ve looked at your phone five times in the last hour.”

“Why are you watching me?”

“This is just pre-production,” she said in a clipped tone. “Tell me now if you have other priorities.”

“I don’t have other priorities,” I replied as I grabbed my phone and put it inside my tote bag. I looked at her. “Let’s continue,” I said as she shrugged and we continued discussing the possible locations kung saan kami magsu-shoot.

I said goodbye nang mag 10:30PM na. She was not very happy when I told her before that unlike them, I could not work all day. Mayroon akong curfew. Kaya naman nasa labas na si Kuya Robert para sunduin ako. While I was walking, I grabbed my phone from my tote bag. I saw a text from him.

‘Had a long day. Good night. Will talk to you soon.’

‘Meeting with George. Talk to you tomorrow.’

Napa-buntung hininga ako nang maka-sakay na ako sa loob ng sasakyan. Tumingin sa akin si Kuya Robert.

“Okay ka lang?” he asked.

“No,” I replied. “I’m tired.”

I had to finish all of George’s requirements, I had to brainstorm new ideas dahil in three weeks ay pasukan na, and I had to stay up late para sundin iyong scheduel namin ng FaceTime ni Austin Archangel. I was tired—more tired than when I was waking up at 3AM to go to the gym for the basketball training.

I stared at my phone nang magising ako. In my 19 years of existence, this was the first time that I slept through the alarm… Ganoon na talaga ako kapagod.

I replied to Austin Archangel’s good morning text tapos ay bumaba na ako para kumain.

“Late ka nagising, ah,” Ate Gina said.

“Hindi ako nagising sa alarm,” I replied. I stared at the cupboard. I was supposed to eat cereals. I was scheduled to eat cereals—but then again, I was supposed to wake up at 7AM. It was already quarter to 9AM. Ano na ang dapat kainin ko ngayon?

“Buong araw kang wala kahapon, e.”

“Ang daming ginagawa sa production,” I said.

“Kamusta kayo ni Austin?”

“We’re fine,” I replied. Cereals or toast? Or should I eat rice? Should I just get brunch? Pupunta pa ako sa school para sa enrollment. This was confusing.

“Nakakapag-usap kayo?”

“Sometimes.” She clicked her tongue. I looked at her. “Why?” I asked.

“Hirap talaga ng LDR.”

“LDR?”

“Long distance relationship,” she answered. “Na-try ko na ’yan nung nasa probinsya pa ako, e. May naging jowa ako na biglang naging seaman. Nung una e loyal tapos e pinagpalit ako sa malapit,” she continued, shaking her head. “Kaya ayang si Robert nung nagsabi na gusto mag-abroad e talagang hindi ako pumayag. ’Di mo rin kasi masabi. Mahirap na.”

My forehead was creased. “What is the point of the conversation? Na mangloloko ang mga seaman at mga nagta-trabaho sa abroad?”

“Hindi naman!” she said, waving the ladle at me. She’s cooking sinigang. I should have brunch. “Minsan lang kasi may mga tao na mas gusto nila iyong mas malapit at nakikita nila. ’Di rin kasi para sa lahat ’yang LDR. Kahit ako mas gusto ko na nakaka-usap ko.”

“Nakaka-usap ko si Austin Archangel.”

“Sabi mo kaya kanina sometimes lang.”

“Because our schedules won’t match.”

She just shook her head and resumed stirring the pot.

I told Ate Gina na kakain ako ng bruch. She told me that the food will be ready in about 20 minutes. Hinanap ko si Blue. I saw him upstairs, just watching the people walking outside. Nang makita niya ako ay tumingin lang siya sandali at saka ibinalik ang atensyon sa labas. During times like this that I think he’s planning on breaking out to leave us.

After eating brunch, pumunta na kami sa school. I went to the College of Arts to enroll. Nakita ko si Serj and he walked me to the enrollment office. Mayroong flow chart doon ng kung ano ang gagawin. I was good at following instructions, so I was able to finish the enrollment process.

I went to the mall to buy school supplies. I was down to my last notebook dahil sa dami ng sinusulat ko na notes ni George. I needed new stocks pati na rin para sa mga klase ko. I had five subjects this semester and some of the descriptions seem interesting. I was excited—hindi kagaya nung sa Legal Management na hindi pa nagsisimula ang semester ay gusto ko na agad matapos.

I got eight notebooks—one for each subject and three for my writing needs. I got twelve Unipin ballpens—six black and six blue. I also got an expanding folder with sections para doon ko ilalagay iyong mga notes ko na naka-sulat sa yellow paper. I just wanted them organized by subject. After I was done, umuwi na ulit ako sa bahay.

I arranged all my things. I pulled the box under my bed and re-arranged them para idagdag iyong dalawang notebook ko na puno na. I needed to get another box for my other notebooks dahil puno na iyon. I ate dinner with my family. Mama asked me about the enrollment and I gave her the registration form—there was a section there that said scholar— that was the product of me waking up at 3AM for 10 weeks. And then five minutes to 10PM, I was already seated and ready to answer Austin Archangel’s FaceTime.

‘Are you home already? My teammates want to go out to celebrate Yuki’s birthday. If you’re still out, let’s just talk tomorrow?’ he texted, but it was immediately followed with, ‘But if you’re home, I’ll call now.’

‘I’m home.’

‘Will call in five minutes. I’ll just tell them I can’t go.’

‘Why can’t you just go with them after we talk?’

I waited for his response, but I got nothing. After eight minutes, he was already calling via FaceTime.

“Hey,” sabi niya na naka-ngiti. He was wearing a black shirt with a huge white Nike logo in the middle. From the background, nasa kwarto niya siya. His room was clean as compared to the first few times we talked. It looked like he was already settled down.

“Hi,” I replied.

“Done with the enrollment?”

“Nasabi ko ba sa ’yo na enrollment?” I asked because I didn’t think I told him about that. Ngayon ko dapat sasabihin sa kanya para may pag-uusapan kami.

“No, but I still follow the page of the school.”

“Right.”

“So… are you officially enrolled?”

“Yes,” I said. “I’ll show you my registration form, pero kinuha ni Mama.”

Natawa siya. “She’s finally coming around to the Creative Writing?”

“As long as I get good grades this upcoming semester, siya na ang magbabayad ng tuition ko sa susunod.”

“That’s great.”

“I know,” I said. Napa-tigil ako nang may kumatok sa pintuan niya. He looked at the door, too. He said he’ll just answer the door, and I nodded. I saw Kohei, one of his teammates, outside the door. They looked that they were talking. I grabbed my notebook to give them privacy. After a minute, napa-tingin ako sa screen nang tawagin ni Austin Archangel ang pangalan ko.

“Sorry about that,” he said.

“It’s okay,” I said.

“He just said they’ll go to karaoke.”

“Okay,” I replied.

“Are you sleepy?”

“Not really,” I said. “I went to the bookstore,” sabi ko sa kanya at saka pinakita ko iyong mga binili ko na notebook at saka iyong bagong ballpens ko. And then I told him that every time I would see the Unipin, I would remember him borrowing my pen and not returning it.

“You dropped out!” he said.

“I know.”

“I would have returned it, but you dropped out.”

“Again, I know,” sabi ko sa kanya.

“I will buy you a box of that ballpen,” he said and then we continued talking until it was time for me to sleep.

---

The new semester started on December. Austin Archangel was scheduled to go home on December 20. George was asking me if I wanted to participate on the shooting process. Hindi pa ako nakaka-sagot. Naglabas na ng syllabus iyong mga subject. I wanted to be two weeks ahead of schedule. I was busier than planned.

My first class for the semester was CW100. The syllabus was filled with book titles that I was expected to know. It was okay, but it was time consuming as majority of the titles ay hindi ko pa nababasa. Most of them were classics, and I was not well-read with classics. I also had Math10, Philosophy1, English11, and Filipino40.

“Collage mate!” Serj said nang makita niya ako sa College of Arts. There was an empty table and I occupied it. I had a Math exercise due later at 2:30PM and I was nowhere near done.

“Hi,” I said.

“Okay ka lang?”

“Bakit may Math sa Creative Writing?”

Natawa siya. “Lahat naman ng degree meron saka basic Math lang naman.”

“How is this basic?” I asked. There were letters and numbers. This was confusing. I have forgotten about this when I graduated from high school.

“Sino ba prof mo?”

“Ventura.”

“Sure pass daw ’yan basta ’wag sobrang tanga.”

“Paano ba iyong sobrang tanga?”

Serj shrugged. “Basta ’wag ka na lang umabsent para at least kahit sa attendance maawa sa ’yo kapag grading na.”

I nodded. “Thanks for the tip.”

Serj asked kung sino pa iyong ibang professors ko and he gave me advice sa kung paano ako makaka-pasa sa kanila. My professor in my Creative Writing subjects were all strict—Serj advised me to focus on those kung ayaw kong umulit. I needed to handle my time better. Marami akong classic titles na kailangang basahin.

“Can you send me the assignment?” Austin Archangel asked. Nung nagpasa ako kanina ng assignment, my eyes accidentally saw my seatmate’s work sheet. Magkaiba ang sagot namin. I suspected that my answers were the wrong one since he was a Math major.

I sent the file to Austin Archangel’s email. He read it for a few minutes before he asked me if I wanted him to explain to me the problems. I nodded. I needed to pass the subject. Ayoko na ’tong ulitin. I wanted to focus on the Creative Writing majors.

In the middle of him tutoring me, mayroon ulit kumatok sa pinto niya. This time, it was Ryo.

“Karaoke?” I asked because three times a week, this would happen and every time, Austin Archangel would pass and would instead stay and have FaceTime with me.

“Yeah,” he replied. “What number are we in?”

“Problem 6,” I said, and he continued to explain to me kung paano ko makukuha iyong variables. He was actually good at explaining—he could be a teacher if he decides he did not want to be a professional athlete.

“Thank you,” sabi ko nang matapos kami sa Math homework ko. I was right—walang tama sa mga naging sagot ko.

“Next time, do you want me to check your homework before you pass them?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Just send via email.”

May kumatok ulit.

“Do you want to go to the Karaoke?” I asked.

He smiled. “No,” he said. “It’s already late. Let’s sleep,” he continued before we said good night to each other. 

** This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories.

Chapter 40

Chapter 40

Today was December 20. The classes started 19 days ago. Today was the third day of Christmas break. At the first day of the break, I looked at my calendar. Babalik ako sa school on the third of January. I had 16 days of vacation. In every subject, there was an assignment given. I decided to finish all of the assignment during the first two days of the vacation. It was mostly research and exercises. Hindi ako lumabas ng bahay kaya naman natapos ko na sila buong weekend.

“Ano’ng oras nga aalis tayo?” Kuya Robert asked.

“1:15PM iyong schedule ng arrival,” I replied.

“Alis na tayo ng 12,” he said and I nodded.

Ate Gina asked before kung uuwi ba si Austin Archangel, so I told her that he was scheduled to go home ng December 20. Ate Gina suggested that I pick Austin Archangel from the airport dahil nitong nakaraang linggo ay hindi kami nakapag-usap. Start na ng league sa Japan. He was much busier. Hindi na nagtatagpo ang oras namin. I asked Austin Archangel kung gusto niya na sunduin ko siya sa airport dahil baka susunduin siya ng pamilya niya. He immediately agreed.

“Is that really necessary?” I asked while Ate Gina and I were doing signage. It was a 24 by 24 inches poster na mayroong naka-lagay na Welcome home, Austin Archangel and it was written using glitters. It was wise to say na puno ng glitters iyong receiving area dahil doon kami gumagawa ngayon.

“Hindi naman, pero masaya naman gawin!” sabi ni Ate Gina.

I shrugged and just continued putting design on the placard. Nang matapos kami roon ay pina-tuyo namin. I washed my hands at saka ko pinuntahan si Blue sa labas habang naglilinis si Ate Gina sa sala dahil baka makain ni Blue iyong glitters. Blue was just walking around the garden while I was scrolling through Instagram. Dominic was in the US for the vacation, pero kahit na nasa US siya ay puro basketball pa rin ang laman ng IG stories niya.

‘Boarding,’ Austin Archangel texted.

‘Have a safe flight.’

‘Thank you. Can’t wait to see you.’

Nang sabihin ni Ate Gina na tapos na siyang maglinis ay binuksan ko na iyong sliding door. Naka-sunod sa akin si Blue nang pumasok ako pabalik sa bahay. I went back to my room. I was already done with all of my requirements for school. I wanted to write, but my mind was still tired from all the reading and the writing exercises that I did. Instead, I chose to watch some of the movies that Austin Archangel and I failed to watch before because we chose to makeout instead.

Choosing what to watch was hard.

Tumingin ako sa oras at 35 minutes na lang ay 12 na. Kakain pa ako. Mas mabuti na ’wag na lang akong manood dahil hindi ko rin naman matatapos. I would just watch the movie with Austin Archangel.

I scrolled through IG again. I clicked George’s story and saw a video of one of the locations we scouted. After the first video was the second video wherein the members of the productions were preparing the shoot.

‘I thought this was for after the break?’ I replied to the story. George was very organized. She sent me a list of the things I was required to do and I did all of them… and then told her na hindi ako makaka-tulong nung nakaraang linggo dahil kinailangan ko na magfocus sa Math subject ko dahil baka bumagsak ako. But I was already well-adjusted. Sasama ako sa school after break. It was my script. I wanted to watch the actors bring it to life.

‘Schedule was adjusted due to unforeseeable circumstances.’

‘Why was I not informed?’

‘You have other priorities.’

‘I still want to be informed.’

‘Consider yourself informed now.’

My forehead was creased as I read her reply.

‘You can still come if you want.’

Biglang kumatok si Ate Gina sa pintuan ko para sabihin na kakain na kami para makaalis na kami. Sinabi ko na bababa na ako. I stared at my phone was again.

‘I can’t right now. May shooting pa ba bukas?’

‘Just today. Will send you an update via email. Thanks.’

---

Tahimik lang ako habang naka-sakay sa sasakyan. I was just quietly watching the IG stories of the other members of the production team. Nakita ko rin iyong IG stories nung dalawang gaganap na bida sa script ko.

I wanted to be there.

But I needed to pick Austin Archangel from the airport because I was the one who volunteered.

Pagdating namin sa airport ay nagpark si Kuya Robert. I walked towards the arrival area. I bought bottled water and sat on the chair outside the convenience store. There were no more IG story. Nagsisimula na siguro iyong shooting. I was curious. What was happening?

“Hey.”

Pagtingin ko ay nakita ko si Austin Archangel na naka-tayo sa harapan ko. He was carrying a black Nike duffel bag on his shoulder. I looked behind him at iyon lang ang dala niya.

Agad akong napa-tayo at ipinakita sa kanya iyong signage na dala-dala ko. He chuckled.

“Welcome home to me,” he said. “Can I get a hug?” he asked.

“Okay,” I replied and he quickly enveloped me inside his arms. I felt him sighing as he hugged me tighter. His head was resting on top of mine.

“Kanina ka pa?” he asked while still hugging me.

“Arrived here kaninang 12:34PM.”

“Sorry, the flight was delayed,” he said because it was already 2:30PM.“

“It’s not your fault,” I replied. And I knew I’d still have to wait longer because he still had to go through customs. It’s December at maraming uuwi. The line might be long.

‘Dinner later?’ Austin Archangel texted kahit na nasa iisang sasakyan lang naman kami. Nasa harapan siya katabi ni Kuya Robert at nasa likod naman ako.

‘I can’t.’

‘Tomorrow?’

‘Will tell you later.’

Nakita ko na kumunot ang noo niya. I told him last week na free ako ngayon at bukas… His family also had their own tradition. They were scheduled to go to Madrid for Christmas. Austin Archangel was supposed to go from Japan to Madrid, but he insisted na umuwi muna dito para magkasama kami.

‘Dinner later.’

I already promised him na free ako ngayon at bukas. I should just watch the production after the Christmas break. I already gave Austin Archangel my word, and it’s not nice to go back on them.

‘And why are you texting? We’re in the same car.’

‘Kuya Robert is here.’

‘So?’

‘Shy.’

‘Why?’

‘Basta.’

And then we were in front of his house. Austin Archangel thanked Kuya Robert tapos ay lumabas na siya. He knocked on the window and I rolled it down.

“Thank you for picking me up.”

“No problem,” I said.

“What time will I pick you up later?”

“Kahit ano’ng oras.”

“6PM?”

“Okay.”

He smiled. “Will keep this,” sabi niya sabay pakita sa akin nung signage. Nagpasalamat ulit siya kay Kuya Robert bago siya naglakad papunta sa bahay nila.

“Ang galang nung batang ’yun,” sabi ni Kuya Robert nang bumaba ako sa sasakyan at saka lumipat sa harapan. Pagbalik namin sa bahay ay pumunta ako sa kwarto. I browsed through Netflix and when I could not decide kung ano ang papanoorin ko ay nagrandom selector na lang ako.

But I was not that interested in the movie. I scrolled through Instagram again and saw a behind the scene photo of the shoot. The leads are in the pool. They’re shooting the pool scene. I wanted to watch it. I stalked the accounts of the other people who were members of the production, pero wala na akong makita na posts.

I really wanted to be there.

I sighed and just chose to sleep.

But I could not sleep.

‘Ngayon lang ba iyong shoot ng pool scene?’

‘Yes. We’re just waiting for the sun to set for the evening scenes.’

I sighed again.

‘You can come if you want.’

‘I already promised someone that I’ll have dinner with him.’

‘Okay.’

I wanted to back out on the dinner with Austin Archangel to watch the shoot.

‘Can I bring someone with me sa shoot?’

‘Kung hindi maingay, sure.’

‘Hindi siya maingay. Will go there in a while.’

I sat on the bed. Nagtext ako kay Austin Archangel, telling him if it was possible for us to change our schedule. He did not reply. Habang hindi pa siya nagrereply ay inayos ko na iyong mga gamit ko. Inilagay ko iyong notebooks at iPad ko sa tote bag ko.

I normally would not call someone, but this was time sensitive. It was already 4PM. Baka traffic. Manila traffic is unpredictable.

“Hi…” Austin Archangel said when he answered the call.

“Hi. Have you read my text?”

I heard him yawn. “No,” he said. “I was sleeping.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he said. “Oh… You wanna go to the shooting?”

“Yes, if it’s okay with you.”

He did not answer for four seconds.

“Sure,” he replied. “What time will we leave?”

“Now,” sabi ko sa kanya. “But if you wanna sleep, si Kuya Robert na lang ang sasama sa akin.”

“No, it’s fine,” he replied. “Let me just fix some things and I’ll be leaving in a few minutes.”

“Okay,” I replied before the call was ended. Agad akong bumaba. Naabutan ko roon si Kuya Robert na nagkakape.

“Alis ka?”

“Manonood kami ng shooting.”

“Saan? Nagsabi ka sa Mama mo?”

“Nagtext ako.”

“Saan ’yan?”

“Rizal,” I replied.

“Hatid ko na kayo.”

“Si Austin Archangel magda-drive.”

“Baka maaksidente pa kayo—mukhang kulang sa tulog kanina,” Kuya Robert said.

“Talaga?” I asked dahil hindi ko napansin.

“Lalim kaya ng eyebags. Natutulog pa ba ’yun?”

I shrugged because I did not know of his sleeping schedule. Kuya Robert insisted na ihahatid niya kami o kung hindi siya, magsama kami ng driver dahil mukhang inaantok si Austin Archangel. After 32 minutes, I heard the doorbell. Pagbukas ko ng gate ay nakita ko si Austin Archangel. He was wearing a maong pants, Off-White shirt, and white Nike Air Force 1 sneakers.

“Ihahatid daw tayo ni Kuya Robert,” I said.

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Why?”

“Baka raw maaksidente tayo kasi inaantok ka pa.”

“I just napped.”

I stared at his face. Hindi ko siya masyadong natignan kanina dahil nang magkita kami ay agad niya akong niyakap. Tapos nung nasa sasakyan naman kami ay imbes na kausapin niya ako ay nagtext lang siya.

“You have dark circles under your eyes,” I stated.

“Jetlag,” he replied. “Where are we going?”

“Rizal,” I said.

“Okay…” sabi niya tapos ay naghi siya kina Ate Gina at nagbigay ng paperbag na pasalubong niya. Tuwang-tuwa si Ate Gina.

The car ride was quiet and the only sound was the one coming from the radio. We reached the destination before sunset. Agad akong bumaba at saka lumapit sa production. I said hi to everyone tapos ay lumapit kay George.

“Am I late?” I asked because I really wanted to watch the pool scene.

“No, we’re just starting,” she replied.

In 20 minutes, the shooting started. I watched in awe. I felt the… chills in my system as I watched the actors enact the words I wrote. It was exactly how I imagined it—if not better. Kaleigh was right—George was a good director. She knew how to make the words I wrote come to life. She was also good at giving instructions to the actors.

The pool scene was taken in different angles. We arrived at 6PM. By 10PM ay hindi pa tapos. George wanted everything to be perfect. She wanted different shots and different angles. She was a perfectionist.

Nang bumalik ako sa pwesto ay nakita ko si Austin Archangel na natutulog. Bumalik ako kay George and asked her kung hanggang ano’ng oras dito and she said na hanggang hindi pa sumi-sikat ang araw.

Pinuntahan ko si Kuya Robert.

“Hanggang bukas pa raw sila. Dito na lang ako. Sasabay ako sa kanila pauwi,” sabi ko sa kanya. Naka-tulog na rin si Kuya Robert sa sasakyan habang naka-bukas ang bintana.

“Ano’ng oras na bukas? Sunduin ka na lang.”

“Hindi ko sigurado.”

“Si Austin? Uwi na rin?”

“I’ll ask him,” sabi ko tapos ay bumalik ako sa pwesto at nakita ko na natutulog pa rin siya. He was sitting on the monoblock chair. His legs were straightened in front. His arms were crossed against his chest. His head was on an uncomfortable position, bent to the right.

I waited for a minute para magising siya. But he was not waking up, so I poked his arm against my will. He opened his eyes and immediately yawned.

“Are you done?” he asked.

“No,” I replied. “Do you wanna go home?”

Tumayo siya while nodding. “Yeah…”

“Okay. Sabay na kayo ni Kuya Robert.”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “You?” he asked.

“I’ll stay. Have a good sleep,” sabi ko para mabawasan iyong dark circles niya. “See you tomorrow,” I continued before I walked back to watch the shooting.

** This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories.

Chapter 41

Chapter 41

The shooting ended at 4AM. I texted Kuya Robert na tapos na kami sa shooting. He called me para sabihin na papunta na siya, but George needed to leave already at kung hihintayin ko si Kuya Robert ay maiiwan akong mag-isa sa location. George talked to Kuya Robert and sent pictures ng lahat ng kasama ko pauwi at nagsend din ng pin ng location namin para ma-track nila kami habang pabalik kami.

Pag-uwi ko sa bahay, naglinis lang ako ng katawan at saka natulog na agad. My whole body was tired when I woke up at 2:32 in the afternoon. Pagbaba ko ay may naka-tabi na na pagkain sa akin. I was quietly eating.

“What?” I asked because Ate Gina was watching me eat. At this time of the day, she would normally be watching teledramas. But for today, she was occupying the adjacent seat and was watching me like a hawk.

“Gusto mo ba si Austin?”

“Yes.”

“Okay…” she said, nodding. “Alam ko ’di mo gets mga ganitong bagay kaya sasabihin ko na sa ’yo ng diretso, ha.”

I nodded. “Okay,” I said. I really wanted people to tell me what they wanted from me. Kung hindi nila sasabihin, hindi ko malalaman. I really was still having a hard time deciphering things… I thought I was getting better at it, but I was not quite sure.

“Si Austin umuwi dito sa Pilipinas kahit lilipat na ulit siya pa-Madrid bukas, ’di ba?”

“11:30AM iyong flight nila bukas.”

“Sinabi niya naman sa ’yo na umuwi siya rito para magkasama kayo, ’di ba?”

“Yes.”

“Tapos kahapon dinala mo sa shooting tapos ni hindi mo kinausap.”

“I was watching the shooting.”

“Oo nga kaso isipin mo nag-effort iyong tao na pumunta rito tapos ganon mangyayari?”

“Sinundo ko siya sa airport. Magkasama kami kahapon. May mali ba sa ginawa mo?” I asked because I did what was expected of me. And I knew we deviated from the plan, but I asked him if he was okay with it. And he said that he was good with it. So, ano ang problema?

“Hindi naman sa mali, pero hindi… okay.”

“Alin doon?”

“Na hindi mo siya kinausap nung shooting.”

“Bawal mag-ingay.”

Napa-buntung hininga si Ate Gina. “Kasi sa relasyon, Karma, dapat give and take. Hindi pwede na puro take lang.”

“Wala naman kaming relasyon,” sagot ko dahil hindi ko naman boyfriend si Austin Archangel. Nililigawan niya lang ako.

“Kapag ganito nang ganito e baka nga talaga walang maging relasyon.”

“Ano ba dapat ang ginawa ko?” I asked… I really thought that everything was perfect yesterday. Nagawa ko siyang sunduin sa airport at saka naka-nood ako ng shooting. I really enjoyed watching the leads act out the scenes that I was only imagining before… It seemed like the perfect day. And then I realized that Kuya Robert told me na mukhang kulang sa tulog si Austin Archangel, that was why I told him to go home already para maka-tulog siya sa kwarto niya. He just slept during the shoot, anyway. Mas maganda na sa kwarto niya siya magpahinga.

“Dapat sinunod niyo iyong unang plano.”

“Kahit hindi ko gusto?”

“Hindi naman palaging gusto mo ’yung nasusunod.”

“But I asked him.”

“Mabait iyong tao, syempre pagbibigyan ka… Kaso kahit naman sino mapapagod kapag laging bigay nang bigay lang.”

I nodded. “Thank you,” I said because I would still process everything that she told me. I continued to eat after that, but I was just forcing myself to eat because I did not want any left over.

Pagkatapos kong kumain ay bumalik na ako sa kwarto. According to schedule, Austin Archangel and I would meet today to spend the day together. Maaga iyong flight nila bukas kaya naman ang plano ay magkasama kami buong araw. But it was already 3PM and I had heard nothing from him.

‘Aalis ba tayo ngayon?’

I stared at my phone. It was not yet delivered. It was highly unusual because his phone’s data was always on kaya naka iMessage kami palagi. I sent the message through text, so it turned green. I waited for another minute, but I received no reply.

The plan was to spend this day with him, so I could not do anything else. My mind was already scheduled para maka-sama siya. Tulog pa kaya siya? But he went home much earlier than me… but maybe he’s still jetlagged from his flight… but it was only Japan.

Pagbaba ko ay nakita ko sina Ate Gina at Kuya Robert na nag-aayos ng mga Christmas basket na ibibigay nila Mama at Papa sa mga high profile clients nila.

“Kuya Robert,” I called. Tumingin silang dalawa sa akin. “Pahatid kina Austin Archangel,” I continued.

“Hindi ka ba susunduin dito?” Ate Gina asked.

“I have no idea,” I replied. “I texted him and hindi nagreply. Maybe he’s still asleep. Ano’ng oras mo siya nahatid?” I asked Kuya Robert.

“Mga alas dose na rin,” he replied.

“Gusto mong magdala nito sa kanila? May sobra naman,” Ate Gina said.

“No, aalis na sila bukas,” I said dahil hindi na rin nila makakain dahil after New Year pa sila babalik.

The traffic was heavy because it was Christmas season and people were rushing to do their last minute shopping. Tahimik lang akong naka-upo habang nasa kalsada kami.

‘No, I’m sorry. My head’s aching. I want to sleep.’

Sinabi ko kay Kuya Robert na dumaan muna kami sa restaurant para bumili ng soup para kay Austin Archangel at saka huminto kami sa botika para bumili ng gamot. Pagdating namin sa subdivision nila ay hindi agad kami naka-pasok dahil kailangan na itawag muna.

“Sino raw po pupuntahan?” tanong nung guard.

“Austin Archangel,” I replied.

“Ma’am, wala raw po sa bahay ngayon, e,” sabi nung guard sa akin matapos niyang kausapin iyong kung sinuman sa kabilang linya. “May kailangan daw po ba kayo?”

I was not able to reply.

He said he’s sick and he wanted to sleep. Sa ibang lugar ba siya natulog?

---

May isang tao na lumabas para kuhanin iyong mga dala ko para kay Austin Archangel. Pagkatapos nun ay umuwi na kami ni Kuya Robert sa bahay. Tumulong ako kina Ate Gina para sa pag-aayos ng Christmas baskets. Kakain na dapat kami dahil nagsabi sila Mama na late sila makaka-uwi dahil mayroong Christmas party sa office nila. I was about to eat my first spoonful when I received a text. Napa-tingin ako sa cellphone ko.

‘Hi. I’m outside. Can we talk?’

Tumingin ako kila Ate Gina.

“Nasa labas si Austin Archangel,” I said.

“Papasukin mo,” Ate Gina said.

Tumayo ako. Pagpunta ko sa labas ay nakita ko na naka-tayo siya sa labas ng gate mismo. He was wearing a white Tommy Hilfiger shirt, a light brown khaki shorts, black Nike sliders, and black Nike baseball cap.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi,” I replied. “Pasok ka raw.”

“You went to see me?” imbes ay sagot niya.

I nodded. “You said you were sick kaya dinalhan kita ng pagkain. But I was told na wala ka raw sa bahay niyo.”

Austin Archangel just stared at me. Maybe he slept elsewhere. He told me before that he’s got a big family kaya baka sa isa sa mga bahay na iyon siya natulog.

“I wasn’t really sick,” he said.

“You lied,” I stated.

He was silent for 29 seconds. Tapos ay tumingin siya sa akin. “Can we walk around?” he asked. I was already in my pajamas dahil gabi na. The wind was also cold against the skin because it was December. “Please?” he added, so I agreed.

Tahimik kaming naglakad sa subdivision. The houses were covered with Christmas lights and decorations. It looked festive. May mga naka-salubong din kami na mga carolers. If I would have a favorite season, it would be Christmas season. There’s just something about it—I guess it would be the lights and the decors and the Christmas break.

“I was in Batangas.”

“Are you stressed?” I asked because he told me before that he only goes there when he’s stressed.

“Kind of.”

“Is it because of me?” I asked because I wanted to ask him if he was mad at me because of what I did last night dahil sabi ni Ate Gina ay baka napapagod na si Austin Archangel sa akin. I knew I could be tiresome. I was told that before. But I did not think that he could be tired of me because he told me that he liked me.

“No,” he said. And then I heard a very audible sigh. “Yes. Kind of. I don’t know.”

“Is it because of last night?”

“Yes.”

“But I did ask you kung pwede ba na pumunta tayo roon,” sabi ko sa kanya.

“I know.”

“You should’ve told me you wanted to go to dinner.”

“I know.”

“Then, why are you stressed because of me?”

Napa-hinto kami sa harap ng playground. He looked at me. Hininhtay ko siyang magsalita, pero napa-suklay lang siya sa buhok niya gamit ang mga daliri niya.

“Because… I know I should expect nothing from you… but I expected that we’d spend time together yesterday.”

“Magkasama naman tayo.”

“You barely even looked at me last night,” mabilis na sagot niya sa sinabi ko na para bang naka-abang na ang sasabihin niya.

“I was watching the shooting.”

“I know, but I haven’t seen you in two months and I’ll be leaving again tomorrow.”

“Magkausap tayo araw-araw.”

“No, we can only talk if I ditch my teammates to spend time with you,” sabi niya habang diretsong naka-tingin sa mga mata ko. “If I don’t make the effort, we won’t even talk. At all.”

Hindi ako nakapagsalita.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong isagot sa sinabi niya.

“Look,” he said, again running his fingers through his hair. “You’re not my girlfriend. I should not expect anything from you, I know… but God, it just… sucks.”

“Dapat sinabi mo sa akin na gusto mong magdinner.”

“I know.”

“Bakit hindi mo sinabi?”

“Because you looked so excited to watch that shoot—what was I supposed to say?”

“You’re supposed to tell me that you wanted to go to dinner.”

Hindi siya sumagot.

I pressed my lips together.

I felt like I was grasping for air.

I began to breathe deeper.

“We barely know each other,” he said.

“Kaya mo nga ako nililigawan,” sagot ko.

“I know… but you’re so busy. And I’m busy. How will I get to know you then?”

“I made a schedule. I sent you the schedule.”

“That you keep on missing because of your script.”

“You know I love my script.”

“I know,” he said. “And I really wish you success.”

“Then why do I feel like you’re blaming my script kapag hindi tayo nakakapag-usap?”

Hindi siya nagsalita. Tumingin siya sa akin at malungkot na ngumiti. It was not like his other smiles. This one looked different. It also felt different.

“My contract’s for a year. It’s only been two months. I don’t think I can do another ten months of this.”

The wind blew against my skin. I hugged myself to look at him. I knew I was not good at picking up cues… but this was clearer than the moon above us. I knew what he wanted to tell me. I just needed him to tell me that. I just needed to hear it from him.

“I really like you,” he said. “I really, really do like you… but I need you to meet me halfway.”

Huminga ako nang malalim.

“Wasn’t I meeting you halfway?” I asked because I did not know what I did wrong…

“I don’t know…” he said. “I know you’re trying, but I just… can’t right now.”

Tumango ako.

“Okay,” I said.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“For what?”

“I don’t know.”

“Can you please tell it to me straight? So that we’re clear,” I said as I held my hands together.

Tumango siya at saka huminga nang malalim. “I…” sabi niya at saka huminto. “I’m going to stop courting you. We should just be friends,” he continued. “Can we be friends?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yes,” I said.

Walang nagsalita sa amin pagkatapos nun. I was silently counting the seconds inside my head… but then I lost count and I just looked up to stare at the starless sky.

“I’ll walk you home,” he said.

“I’ll stay here,” I replied.

“Okay,” he said, but he did not walk.

“You can go. You need to pack,” sabi ko dahil may flight ulit siya bukas.

“Your gift’s in my car.”

“Iwan mo na lang sa bahay,” sabi ko sa kanya. “I’ll stay. You can now go,” I added. Naka-tingin lang siya sa akin. It took him 20 seconds before he turned around and walked away. I went to the swing and sat there until I felt like it was time to go home. 

** This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories.

Chapter 42

Chapter 42

Nang tanungin ako ni Ate Gina kung ano ang nangyari, I relayed to her what Austin Archangel said—na hindi niya na ako liligawan at na magkaibigan na kami. And since that night, she was treating me like I was suffering from high grade fever dahil lagi niya akong tinatanong kung may gusto ba akong kainin. But all I really wanted was to be left alone and to focus on writing again.

‘Merry Christmas! What happened to your IG?’ Dominic texted.

‘Deactivated.’

‘Why? Bashers? Don’t mind them they’re just weirdly invested in other people’s lives.’

‘No. And I don’t have bashers.’

‘You okay?’

‘No.’

‘Wanna FaceTime?’

‘No.’

‘Okay then. Hmu if you wanna talk.’

‘Okay,’ reply ko sa kanya kahit hindi ko alam kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng Hmu na sinabi niya sa akin.

Mayroong kumatok sa kwarto ko at nang buksan ko iyon ay nakita ko na si Papa iyon. He asked kung pwede bang pumasok siya sa kwarto ko. I nodded. Malinis iyong kwarto ko. Simula kahapon ay naglilinis ako. I also rearranged my things, but ended up putting them back to their original position. I liked that better. Changing things up felt wrong.

“Kamusta ka?” Papa asked.

“Bakit ba lahat kayo tinatanong ’yan?” I asked dahil tinanong na ako niyan ni Ate Gina at Kuya Robert. Pati si Dominic kanina ay tinanong na rin ako. Ngayon ay si Papa. Baka mamaya ay si Mama na ang magtanong sa akin.

“Nag-aalala lang naman kami.”

“There’s nothing to be worried about,” I said and I went back to my study table. I was conceptualizing for my new script. Based on what I had so far, this one’s going to end up tragically. I could always see the ending—one of the leads would die and the other one would succumb to sadness and eventually kill himself… or herself. Hindi pa ako sigurado kung sino sa kanilang dalawa.

“If you say so,” Papa said. “May gusto ka bang gawin ngayon?”

I shook my head. Gumising kami kaninang 4AM para kumain ng noche buena. I had been awake since 4AM and I had been writing nonstop.

“Okay,” Papa said, nodding. “Nasa baba lang kami ng Mama mo. Magsabi ka lang kung gusto mong lumabas.”

“Okay,” I replied and then I heard the door closing.

---

The whole of December 25 ay nagsulat lang ako. Hanggang December 28 ay nagsusulat lang ako. Nang December 29 ay umalis kami para pumunta sa probinsya para doon magcelebrate ng New Year. I did not bring my phone with me and my laptop. I only brought my new notebook and my favorite pen.

The place my parents rented was nice. Nagigising ako hindi sa alarm pero dahil sa tilaok ng manok. We’d always have boodle fight, but I’d have my separate plate. On the night of December 31, maraming naka-handang pagkain. We ate at exactly 11:30PM and then watched the fireworks. Mukhang buong bayan ay nagpa-fireworks dahil hanggang 1AM ay mayroon pa rin sabi ni Papa. I did not eat much kaya naman naka-tulog din agad ako pagkatapos kumain. And then the next morning, bumalik na rin kami sa Manila.

‘Happy new year,’ Austin Archangel texted at exactly 12MN.

‘Happy new year, too,’ I replied, two days after he sent his text.

---

“Here,” Dominic said tapos niya akong abutan ng ice cream.

“Thank you,” I said as I stared at the people passing by in front of us. I noticed that they were staring at Dominic dahil nasa loob siya ng campus ng SCA kahit na tiga-Brent siya. He called me earlier to ask me how I was and I told him that I was feeling sad dahil lumabas na iyong grades. He asked me where I was and then 14 minutes later, he was already in front of me.

“You’ll do better next time,” he told me.

“Math is hard,” sabi ko habang binu-buksan iyong binigay niya sa akin na ice cream cup. I passed all of my subjects except for Math. It was hard… pero baka tanga lang ako dahil sinabi ni Serj dati na papasa naman daw ako roon basta hindi sobrang tanga. But I still failed. Baka sobrang tanga nga ako sa Math.

“Super,” Dominic replied as he sipped his iced coffee. “What about your parents?” he asked.

I shrugged. “I’d have to look for a scholarship again.”

Ang usapan ay kailangan ko ng magandang grades para sila na ang magbayad ng tuition ko sa susunod na sem. Mayroon akong bagsak. I needed to find a scholarship again. Pasado iyong grades ko sa lahat ng subject ko except for Math.

“Won’t they give you a pass? It’s just Math.”

“That was the agreement,” I replied.

“You’re going back to the basketball team?”

“Sila lang ang walang requirement.”

“Would you be okay?”

“Bakit naman hindi?”

“Because… Austin?” he asked.

“What about him?” I replied.

Dominic shrugged. “Nothing…” he said.

Austin’s last text was when he greeted me Happy Labor’s Day. He would greet me kapag mayroong holiday. I would reply with an added too sa kung anuman ang binabati niya.

Dominic asked me if I wanted to go with him dahil mayroong vlog na isu-shoot si Zondra. Until now, I was not certain kung girlfriend niya ba iyon dahil nung tinanong ko siya dati ay kibit-balikat lang ang nakuha ko kay Dominic. I did not ask again after that. But they’re together most of the time and Dominic gets this certain look on his face whenever he’d watch Zondra’s IG story at mayroong ibang lalaki.

Hinatid muna ako ni Dominic sa amin bago siya pumunta kay Zondra. Sa kwarto ako nagstay habang hini-hintay ko sila Mama na umuwi para sabihin sa kanila iyong tungkol sa grades ko. I continued revising my script. Pinakita ko kay George iyon nang matapos ko, but she said that it was too dark and that there was no plausible explanation and if I wanted to go that way, I needed to solidify the plot. That’s what I had been doing for two months now.

At 7:35PM, bumaba na ako dahil narinig ko iyong pagbukas ng gate. Naka-hain na iyong pagkain. I quietly sat there while waiting for them. We ate first. Nang matapos kaming kumain ay at saka ko sinabi iyong kailangan kong sabihin.

“I failed Math,” I said as I handed a hardcopy of my grades.

Mama looked at my grades. I passed all of my subjects except for Math, but my grades in my other subjects were in no way excellent. The professors from College of Arts rarely give high grades. My grades were subpar, but I was enjoying my degree.

“Okay,” Mama said.

“Hahanap ako ng scholarship.”

“No, it’s okay. We’ll pay for your tuition.”

“The agreement was that I needed good grades. May bagsak ako. I’d look for a scholarship.”

“Fine,” she said, “If that’s what you want.”

“Thank you,” I replied because ever since they learned about Austin not courting me anymore, they treated me like a sick kid. I told them to stop doing that. I did not need any special treatment.

Bumalik ako sa kwarto. Dahil tapos na ang semester ay kinuha ko lahat ng notebook at iba pang mga gamit. I labeled them accordingly and put them inside a box na may label na First year, first sem. And then I asked Kuya Robert to help me na ilagay iyon sa storage area.

The next day, pumunta ako sa school para muling tumingin ng scholarship. All of them had grade requirements. I was staring at the bulletin board na para bang magbabago ang mga naka-sulat doon.

“Karma.”

Napa-tingin ako sa pinanggalingan ng boses. I saw Saint standing before me. He was holding his phone tightly. His hair was curlier than usual. He was not smiling like he used to.

“Long time, no see,” he said.

“Malaki iyong school,” I replied.

“Right…” he said tapos ay biglang nasa harapan ko na rin si Cohen na tumakbo para maka-rating sa amin. “Shit. Sorry, I forgot,” sabi ni Saint tapos ay inabot kay Cohen iyong cellphone.

“Don’t you think she’d be mad that you’re pretending to be me?” Cohen asked and Saint ignored what he said tapos ay tumingin lang sa akin at tinanong kung kamusta na ako. I pressed my lips. For some reason, I hated it when people asked me that question. Was there something on my face that indicated that I was anything but fine?

“I’m fine,” I said.

Tumango si Saint. Napa-tingin siya sa bulletin board. “Scholarship?” he asked me. “Why don’t you go back to the team?”

“Kapag wala akong nahanap na iba,” sagot ko. “Are you the captain now?”

“For now,” Saint replied.

“I’m hungry. Are you hungry? I’ll treat you two,” he added tapos ay napunta kami sa cafeteria at nilibre kaming dalawa ni Cohen ni Saint ng pagkain.

---

Walang ibang magandang scholarship.

I ended up going back to the team, but it felt like a different world now because of the changes. Saint was the captain of the team—but someone said that he’s about to be replaced. Graduate na rin sila Jed at Philip. Coach Aldrin was much stricter… and Serj told me that it was because Saint kept on skipping practice—something to do with him and Mary breaking up. And there was Dani mentioned, as well. I was not sure. I did not want to know anything about that. I just wanted to work for the scholarship. I was not even talking to anyone from the team.

My life was carefully planned—I would go to school at 4AM for the training, go home at 7AM to change clothes and to eat breakfast, go to school at 9AM for my class, and then go home as soon as classes ended.

But even with everything that was happening in my life, my father was still convinced that I was not okay. To convince him that I was okay, I picked up another hobby. I studied calligraphy. I was not good, but I was getting better. I was actually enjoying the classes on Sundays.

“You should try writing horror stories,” Saint said after niyang basahin iyong script ko.

“Mukha bang horror?” I asked his opinion.

He shrugged. “Feels like it.”

“Alin doon?”

“The overall vibes,” he replied.

“That’s very helpful.”

Saint grinned at me. “I aim to help.”

Nang matapos ang training ay kumain kami ni Saint sa may coffee shop sa labas ng Brent. He’d always ask me to eat with him and he’d always use the word ‘libre’ para mapasama ako. He was always treating me to the extent that I already knew his ATM pincode dahil minsan ay pinagwiwithdraw niya ako kapag hindi pwede iyong credit card.

“You wanna see BV?” Saint asked.

“Okay,” I replied.

Pumunta kami sa bahay nila dahil nandoon naka-stay si BV. In one of Austin’s texts, he informed me na nagkaroon pala ng anak si Violet at Blue. There were two kittens, but the other one passed away. Austin wanted me to get BV (short for Blue-Violet), but everytime I would try, nagagalit sa akin si Violet. Kaya naman binibisita ko na lang sa kanila si BV at nagdadala ng pagkain dahil anak pa rin naman siya ni Blue at may responsibilidad ako.

I was quietly playing with BV while trying to negotiate with Violet kung pwede ba na dalhin ko si BV sa bahay namin para makasama naman siya ni Blue.

“Saint, pwede naman—” I said, but I stopped when I turned around and saw Austin staring at me like he had just seen a ghost. 

** This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories.

Chapter 43

Chapter 43

“Aus,” sabi ni Saint kaya naman napa-tingin ako sa kanya. Tumayo ako mula sa pagkaka-upo kanina. Saint’s lips parted. “First of all, I did not know that he’d be here,” sabi ni Saint habang naka-tingin sa akin.

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Why do you think that I need to know that?” I asked because as far as I was concerned, bahay naman ’to ni Austin.

“Because—” Saint said and then stopped. “I don’t know,” he continued, shrugging. Tumingin siya kay Austin. “Why are you here?” he asked Austin na sa akin pa rin naka-tingin. I saw him from my peripheral vision. Simula nang makita niya ako kanina ay naka-tingin na siya.

“Long weekend,” sabi ni Austin.

I heard BV meow kaya naman napa-tingin ako roon. He was cuddling with his mom. Mukhang hindi siya sasama sa akin. Maybe I should just ask Saint kung pwedeng si Blue na lang ang dalhin ko rito.

“I’ll go,” sabi ko kay Saint.

“Okay,” sagot ni Saint at saka tumingin kay Austin. “I… have to drive her home,” dugtong niya.

“I’ll call Kuya Robert.”

“Sure? I’ll drive you home na lang,” Saint offered.

I shook my head. “Thanks for today,” sabi ko kay Saint dahil nilibre niya ako. Tumingin ako kay Austin. “Bye,” I said bago ako naglakad palayo at palabas sa bahay nila.

Limang na beses pa lang akong nakaka-punta sa subdivision nila. Unang beses ay nung dinner, pangalawa ay nung nagsinungaling si Austin, at tatlong beses nung pinuntahan ko si BV. But I’d never been able to go around this place kaya naman habang hini-hintay ko si Kuya Robert ay naglakad-lakad muna ako. I passed by what looked like the Club House. Pumunta ako roon. I wiped the chair down with tissues and alcohol tapos ay naupo ako roon habang naghihintay.

“Karaminah Viel.”

Napa-tingin ako sa gilid kung saan nanggaling iyong boses. Nandoon si Austin at naka-tingin sa akin. Mayroong ilang butil ng pawis sa noo niya.

“Bakit?” tanong ko.

“I—” sabi niya tapos ay huminto nang magvibrate iyong cellphone ko at mapa-tingin ako roon. Nakita ko iyong pangalan ni Kuya Robert. I opened the text message at sinabi niya na nasa tapat na raw siya ng Club House.

Tumingin ako kay Austin.

“Nandyan na ’yung sundo ko,” I said as I stood up. “Bye,” dagdag ko bago naglakad palabas para hanapin iyong sasakyan. Agad kong nakita iyong sasakyan. Pumasok ako roon at saka sinuot iyong seatbelt.

“Si Austin ba ’yon?” tanong ni Kuya Robert habang naka-tingin sa bintana.

Tumango ako. “Di pa ba tayo aalis?” tanong ko bago nagsimulang umandar iyong sasakyan.

---

I did calligraphy the entire day. Kinabukasan ay dumating ako sa gym as scheduled. I was quietly doing my work nang marinig ko iyong pangalan ni Austin na binanggit ng isa sa mga players. I checked the water container. Ubos na iyong laman nun kaya naman pumunta ako sa stock room para tignan kung mayroon ba doon na bago. I lifted the container para ilagay sa trolley. Paglabas ko ng stock room ay nakita ko na nandoon si Austin.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hello,” I replied as I tried to pull the trolley.

“Need help?” he asked.

“No, I’m fine,” sabi ko at saka muling hinatak iyon hanggang sa maka-balik ako sa gitna. I took a deep breath before I lifted it again para mailagay sa bench. Dumating na si Coach Aldrin at saka tinawag niya si Austin. I sat there and waited for the training to finish, so that it could end.

The training started as scheduled. I was sitting there and recording statistics, most specially Saint’s dahil bilin ni Coach. The margin of error of his shots was steadily increasing—probably because his absences were also increasing.

Habang naka-upo ako ay nakikita ko na naka-tingin sa akin si Austin. Nang magbreak ay tumingin ako sa kanya.

“May kailangan ka ba?” I asked because during the whole 20 minutes warm-up game ay patingin-tingin siya sa akin.

Hindi siya sumagot, pero umiling siya.

“Okay,” I replied. Akala ko may kailangan siya dahil tingin siya nang tingin sa akin. Hanggang sa matapos iyong training ay tumitingin pa rin siya. Paglabas ko ng gym ay nakita ko na nandoon si Austin at naka-upo sa may bench. He stood up upon seeing me. Humakbang siya ng isang beses tapos ay huminto. Kumunot ang noo ko. I counted three inside my head at nang matapos iyon na hindi pa rin siya gumagalaw ay nagpatuloy na ako sa paglalakad ko. I wanted to go home already. Gusto kong matulog na. Exam week na at kailangan kong mag-aral para pumasa na ako sa Math.

“Karaminah Viel,” I heard him calling from behind me.

I stopped and turned around. “What?” I asked.

“Do you have a class?”

“Math10,” I replied.

“Aren’t you—” sabi niya at napa-hinto. “That’s why you’re an assistant again.”

“Yes,” I said. “May sasabihin ka ba? Kasi nandyan na si Kuya Robert.”

He placed both his hands inside the pockets of his pants. “I’m here until Sunday,” he said.

“Okay,” I replied.

“Are you free today? Tomorrow? On Sunday morning?”

“No,” I replied dahil may klase ako ngayon at bukas tapos ay may calligraphy class ako sa Sunday.

“Oh,” he said, and then he smiled. “Nice to see you.”

“Nice to see you, too,” sabi ko sa kanya bago tumalikod at naglakad papunta sa parking.

Pag-uwi ko ay kumain na ako ng breakfast. I played with Blue and then took a nap. Pagkagising ko ay nabasa ko sa announcement na free cut kami ngayon kaya hindi ko na kailangan na bumalik sa school. Dominic texted asking me if I was free dahil may kaibigan daw siya na nagbukas ng coffee shop at invited siya roon para magpromote. He told me it’s free food, so I agreed.

Dominic did not text me na nasa bahay na siya. Nalaman ko lang na nandito na siya dahil pagbaba ko ay nakita ko na nakikipagbiruan siya kay Ate Gina. Ate Gina told me before na kung mas maaga niya lang na nakilala si Dominic at kung magka-edad sila ay baka ito ang asawa niya—that earned her a frown from Kuya Robert and a grin from Dominic.

“Let’s go?” Dominic said nang makita niya ako. Nagpaalam kami kina Ate Gina. “I seriously hope that Ryder’s not there.”

“Is he invited?”

“Probably.”

“Then he’s probably there.”

“But I hope he’s not there.”

“Because of Zondra?”

He snorted. “Bakit napasok na naman ’yon sa usapan?”

“Kasi sinasabi mo lang naman si Ryder kapag nasa usapan si Zondra,” I replied because after a few months, I finally picked up on it. I was getting better at reading social cues. I confirmed with Ate Gina na nagseselos si Dominic kay Ryder kasi best friend ni Zondra si Ryder. Ate Gina’s very updated with Dominic’s life dahil kinu-kwento rin ni Dominic kapag nasa amin siya.

“Please,” he said with an eyeroll hanggang sa makarating kami roon sa café. The place was very Instagram worthy. There was a sign that said soft opening—please bear with us. Pagpasok namin doon ay nakita ko iyong ibang kaibigan ni Dominic sa showbiz. I read before na magkakaibigan ang mga attractive na tao. I was already a believer dahil attractive lahat ng kaibigan ni Dominic. But maybe that was biased dahil dating artista si Dominic.

I sat quietly and enjoyed my food. Nagpaalam si Dominic dahil mayroon daw siyang kakausapin. I was okay with being alone. The coffee and the cake were really good. I’d go here again.

“That looks nice,” Ryder commented.

“It tastes nice,” I replied.

“Haven’t seen you in a long time.”

“Busy with school.”

“Yeah… school,” he said. “I certainly don’t miss school.”

“You don’t have to go to school—you’re very successful at your career,” sabi ko sa kanya dahil sikat siyang artista at marami siyang endorsement. He’s doing very well.

Ryder kept on talking to me at umalis lang siya nung bumalik si Dominic.

“I told you he has a crush on you,” sabi sa akin ni Dominic.

“I don’t think so,” I replied. “And if meron nga, I don’t care.”

Tumingin sa akin si Dominic. “Hey,” he said. “Just because things didn’t work out with Austin doesn’t mean that it won’t ever work out with someone else, you know?”

“I’m content.”

“Maybe,” he said.

“Nakita ko siya kanina.”

Binitawan niya iyong iced coffee niya at tumingin sa akin. “Bumalik na siya?”

“For the weekend.”

“Ano’ng sabi sa ’yo?”

“He asked me if I’m free.”

“And you said?”

“Hindi ako free.”

“But you’re with me?”

“Nalaman ko na free cut ako after niya akong tanungin,” I replied. I would not lie to him. I do not lie.

“Fair point,” he said. “But just curious…” he continued. “If he asks you again if he can court you, what will you say?”

“No.”

“Because?”

“Do I need a reason?” I asked. “No is a full sentence.”

Dominic’s lips parted. “Damn, you’re on attack mode.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “How come?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Nothing.”

“And he won’t ask me that kasi sinabi niya sa akin dati na he can’t do long distance again. Nasa Japan pa rin siya.”

“Paano kung umuwi?”

“I don’t think about the what ifs,” I said. “And he said he just wants us to be friends.”

Dominic snorted. “Friends,” he replied. “Do you know he’s always viewing my IG stories? I think he’s hoping that you’ll be there since you deactivated your account.”

“You’re reading too much into that.”

“It’s true, though. He didn’t view my stories before,” Dominic said and then reached for his phone and opened it. “I’ll prove it to you,” sabi niya tapos ay tinapat sa akin iyong phone niya. “Boomerang ’to,” he added but I merely stared at his phone. Dominic frowned but nevertheless posted it. “I’ll bet you a box of donuts that he’ll be here in a while.”

I just resumed to eating my food and thought about how I’d have a box of donuts by the end of this afternoon dahil mali siya. Austin was the one who told me that he wanted to become friends. I did not want to become friends. But now, I just wanted to study and to write. George said that if I continue on this track, I have the potential to be a great screenwriter.

“Told you,” Dominic said. “Look who’s here,” he added nang mapa-tingin din ako sa pinto at nakita ko roon iyong tatlong magkakapatid. “He even brought reinforcements,” dagdag ni Dominic habang humahalakhak.

“Miller!” pagtawag ni Saint kay Dominic tapos ay lumapit sila sa lamesa namin.

“Invited kayo?” Dominic added. “This is a private event.”

Saint rolled his eyes. “You’re not the only one who has friends,” sabi ni Saint tapos ay naupo siya sa tabi ni Dominic tapos si Cohen naman sa tabi niya. The only remaining seat was the one beside me.

Austin was about to sit beside me when Ryder called my name. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. “Karma, Ms. Tony is here. I’ll introduce you,” sabi niya sa akin. Isa si Ms. Tony sa mga sikat na screenwriter sa Pilipinas. Nakwento ko kay Ryder dati na nagsusulat ako and he said na isa si Ms. Tony sa mga pinaka-sikat na screenwriter at ipapakilala niya raw ako.

Tumingin ako sa mga ka-table ko para sabihin na aalis muna ako nang mapansin ko na naka-tingin na pala sila sa akin. Naka-tingin sa akin si Austin habang naka-tingin naman si Saint kay Austin. Si Dominic ay naka-tawa habang si Cohen ay tini-tignan iyong menu ng café.

“Alis muna ako,” sabi ko sa kanila tapos ay naglakad ako papunta kay Ryder. Pinakilala ako ni Ryder at nag-usap kami ni Ms. Tony. She said she’s always looking for a new talent and that I should send her my script. I said yes and then thanked her. Pagbalik ko sa table ay tatlo na lang sila.

“Austin left,” Dominic said.

“Okay,” I replied.

“The cake here is good,” Saint said to which Cohen nodded at saka umorder sila ng isa pa ulit.

** This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories.

Chapter 44

Chapter 44

Today was Wednesday and it meant that I had my Math class. My Math class was during Wednesdays and Fridays, both from 2:30 to 4:00PM. During the other days, I would just go to school kapag oras na ng mismong class, but with Math, I needed to go outside to study. Kapag sa kwarto ko lang ako nag-aral ay makaka-tulog ako. I needed to finish this class already, so that I could be done with this.

I did not like the thought of this subject hanging over my head.

I tried to study this all by myself, but I finally realized that when it came to Math, mas maganda na may nagtuturo sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi nagtuturo iyong professor ko. He’d just go to class to check attendance, tell us about his day, and then give assignments to be submitted next meeting.

Instead, I watch tutorials on Youtube tungkol sa subject ko. I finally found this channel kung saan magaling iyong nagtuturo. Tahimik akong nakikinig sa tinu-turo niya. After that, I tried to answer the example and then unpaused the video. I was pleased na pareho kami ng sagot. This was the third time in a row na tama ako.

Indeed, practice makes everything better.

After 15 minutes of continuous watching, I needed to rest my eyes. Pagsara ko ng laptop at pagtingin sa harapan ko ay nakita ko si Austin na papasok sa may café. He was looking at me. I was looking at him. I nodded at him to acknowledge that I saw him and then grabbed my notebook to check kung ano ang susunod na gagawin ko pagkatapos nito. Based on my schedule, I was supposed to meet up with George tungkol sa susunod na project niya since she asked me kung gusto ko bang tumulong.

“Hi.”

Napa-tingin ako sa harapan ko nang marinig ko iyong boses ni Austin. “Hi,” I replied.

Napa-tingin siya sa Math book na naka-patong sa tabi ng laptop ko. “Need help?” he asked, looking at the 3 pieces of yellow paper that I was using to solve the Math problems.

“No,” I replied since the Youtube Math tutorial was working. I hoped my classmates knew about this channel. Walang tinuturo sa classroom iyong professor.

“Okay,” he said, smiling a little. Tumalikod siya at pumunta sa counter para umorder. Nagsagot na akong muli ng exercises. Nang matapos ako ay tumayo na ako. It was already 2PM and I needed to walk to school already.

Lumabas ako at nang malapit na ako sa pinto ay napa-tingin ako sa gilid ko dahil nakita ko si Austin doon. Papa-labas na rin siya.

“Thank you,” I said when he opened the door for me. Lumabas na ako at naglakad papunta sa pedestrian lane. He was walking just behind me. Pupunta rin siguro sa school. Nang huminto ako sa harap ng pedestrian lane ay naka-tingin ako roon sa may traffic lights. Kapag green na iyong sa sign na pwede na akong maglakad ay maglalakad ako nang mabilis. But even so, I still needed to look to my left and right to make sure na walang sasakyan na umaandar. It took me three tries before I was confident to do this alone.

And when the lights turned green, diretso akong naglakad.

“You can cross the streets on your own,” biglang sabi ni Austin sa tabi ko. Papunta nga yata talaga siya sa SCA.

“Yes,” I replied.

Tahimik akong naglakad papunta sa school. I swiped my ID as I got inside the campus. I heard Austin talking to the guards. They let them in because they knew him. Normally, kapag hindi estudyante ay hihingan pa ng valid ID and magsa-sign ka pa sa logbook.

Pagdating ko sa Math building ay pumasok na ako roon. I sat down on my spot at inilabas ko iyong Muji notebook and Energel 0.5mm ball needle point pen ko. My professor was on time this time. He asked the assignments to be passed kaya naman hinintay ko iyong mga papel na ipapasa mula sa likod ko. After that ay nagkwento siya tungkol sa buhay niya. I took notes because I bought this notebook for this subject and I wanted to use it.

After my professor gave us the new assignment ay lumabas na ako. Tapos na iyong klase ko ngayong araw kaya makaka-uwi na ako. Bukas ay may Creative Writing subjects na ulit ako. I was finally done with Math for this week.

“Karaminah Viel.”

Napa-tingin ako kay Austin. He was sitting on the bench outside the Math building. He stood up upon seeing me. Lumapit ako sa kanya.

“Do you need something?” I asked because it was the third time this day that I was seeing him. It meant that he needed something from me. I had been going to therapies once a week during Sundays after ng Calligraphy class ko. I really think that it was paying off. Kahit si Dominic ay sinasabi na mas mabilis na akong maka-pick-up ng social cues ngayon. Being on the spectrum was difficult, but I was glad that I was able to cope up kahit kaunti.

“Do you have another class?”

“No, done for the day,” I replied.

He nodded. “Do you have time or do you need to go home?”

“I have a few minutes,” I said. “Nasa parking na si Kuya Robert.”

“Okay,” he replied. I was looking at him as he was looking at me. He took a deep breath. “I just want to apologize.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “For what?” I asked. It had been 30 weeks since I last saw him. But when we’d talk, we’d just greet each other what whatever holiday it was. I could not think of anything that would warrant an apology from him.

“For what happened last Christmas.”

My lips parted.

I nodded.

“There’s no need to apologize,” I said. I talked to my therapist about this a lot. I understood where Austin was coming from. He needed something that I could not give. But I was also informed that it was not my fault. He knew exactly who I was. I was trying to adjust, but it was not enough. I could not give more than what I could give at that point.

It was just not right for the both of us.

I finally understood that.

“I was just tired back then.”

“Okay.”

“And frustrated.”

I nodded.

“I’m sorry.”

“Austin,” I said. His forehead creased. “You don’t have to apologize. It wasn’t meant to be,” I continued. “But thank you for everything,” I added because I needed to say thank you when I feel thankful.

I experienced a lot of things because of him.

He’s the first guy to bring me to the beach, to go to movies with, to go on arcade, to introduce to my parents. He gave me my first kiss. He gave me a lot of things. I should be grateful for that.

“And I’m sorry, too.”

Kumunot ang noo niya.

“I’m sorry because I couldn’t be what you needed me to be,” I said, smiling sadly because I was truly sad when he said that we should just be friends. Took me a few weeks and a few Calligraphy class to instill that in my mind. There’s a box in our storage that was just full of papers with his name written.

I looked at my watch again.

“I need to go,” sabi ko sa kanya dahil naghihintay na si Kuya Robert. “May kailangan ka pa bang sabihin?”

Naka-tingin siya sa akin. I stood in front of him, waiting for him to say something.

“Can… we be friends?” he asked.

“We are friends,” I replied.

“Can I text you aside from the greetings?”

“Sure.”

“Will you reply?”

“If I have time.”

“Okay,” he said. “Can I ask if you’ll reactivate your Instagram account again?”

“I don’t know,” I replied. “I don’t use any social media anymore.”

At first, it was just because I kept on seeing his name and his face everywhere. I decided to deactivate after that. But soon, I liked the peace of not being online. I only have my messenger for school purposes and Whatsapp kapag kausap ko si Dominic at George.

“Okay,” he said, slightly nodding his head.

“If you don’t have anything more to say, I’ll be leaving,” I said before I turned my back on him and walked towards the parking lot.

         * * *

Dominic came over and he’s been eating the food Ate Gina brought. Nasa receiving area kami. The carpet was newly vacuumed kaya naman naka-upo ako roon habang nagsasagot ng exercise sa Math. Naka-upo si Dominic sa tabi ko. Ilang beses ko na siya sinabihan na ’wag maupo kasi baka malaglag iyong kinakain niya, but he said that he’d be careful.

“Dominic,” I said when he almost choked on his muffin at may mga nalaglag na butil sa carpet.

“I’m sorry,” he said after he finished the glass of orange juice. “I promise I’ll vacuum this myself. But… why am I seeing Austin’s name on your laptop?” he asked habang naka-turo sa may notification sa upper right side ng screen ko.

I clicked on the email.

“Why… is he sending you your exercises?” Dominic asked habang naka-tingin sa email ni Austin.

“I saw him last month sa school,” I said.

“And you didn’t tell me? Wow,” Dominic said.

“How can I tell you? You’re always having a monologue about Zondra.”

Dominic looked at me. “Your therapist is good. Your sarcasm,” he said as he gave me that ‘chef’s kiss’ gesture na itinuro niya sa akin dati. “But seriously, what did he say?”

“He apologized for what happened last December.”

“What did you say?”

“I apologized din at saka nagthank you.”

“Tapos nagsesend na kayo ng exercise?”

“He asked if could talk to me and I said yes and that I’d reply kapag may time ako. He asked me if I still needed help with Math and I said yes. I’m watching the tutorial, but hindi naman kaya nun i-verify iyong mga sagot ko sa mismong exercise.”

After what I said, Dominic was looking at me. And then he reached for the muffin and took a bite.

“You know what he’s doing, right?”

“Helping me with my assignment,” I said.

“He’s trying to win you back.”

“I don’t think so,” I replied.

“I definitely think so,” Dominic said. “Remember the café opening? I told you he’d come and he did. And now, I’m telling you he’s trying to win you back.”

“Why would he do that?” I asked. “The situation hasn’t changed. Nasa Japan pa rin siya. Ganito pa rin ako. Is he expecting a different outcome?”

Dominic shrugged. “Don’t sell yourself short. He’s crazy for you for a reason.”

“And what reason might that be?”

He shrugged again. “Who knows?” he asked. “There’s another email.”

austingdl@gmail.com

Hi. Your answers are correct, but upon checking the solution, there’s actually a shortcut method. I can teach you if you want.

Dominic snorted. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya.

“Yeah… Austin, Austin… you sneaky boy.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Do you really think that’s what he’s doing?”

“Very sure.”

I closed my laptop. Napa-tingin sa akin si Dominic. Kumunot ang noo niya. “Why… do you look upset?”

Huminga ako nang malalim. “I need to talk to him.”

“Okay…” he said.

“Dominic.”

“Yes, Karaminah?”

“I need your opinion,” I said and he nodded. “If you’re right, then I need to tell him to stop.”

“Wait… what? Why? You said you still like him when I asked you months ago.”

“Yes, but I don’t want to go back to the way it was before,” I said. “I don’t like what I felt when he told me that we should just be friends. I don’t want to write his name over and over again until it began to lose its meaning and it’s just but another word. I don’t want to listen to another song and stop midway because I remember him,” I said continuously until I was out of breath. “I don’t want to go through that again,” I said as I grabbed my phone and went to the garden to call him and to tell him exactly that. 

** This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories.

Chapter 45

Chapter 45

For the last requirement for my graduation, we needed to team up with the students from the other creative degrees to come up with a production team. I had an idea kung ano ang gagawin dahil kasama ko si George palagi, but this still felt different because this would be a graduation requirement.

“Thank you for meeting me,” sabi ko kay Serj. He already graduated from SCA and he’s doing very well in the indie film industry. One of his films did very well that it was picked up by a mainstream production and it was distributed to cinemas around the country and some abroad. I was proud of him.

“No problem,” sagot niya sa akin.

“As you know, I’m down to my last sem in Creative Writing.”

He nodded. “Bilis ng panahon,” he replied. “Dati drop out ka lang.”

I nodded because it was true. Ang bilis ng panahon. It seemed like only yesterday I was still studying Legal Management and decided to quit so I had to be the assistant of the basketball team. And then I became a Creative Writing student. I apparently experienced heart break. I failed Math, so I had to go back to the team. I did what was necessary to move forward. I continued to study under Creative Writing. I made some friends from the production teams I joined. I was regularly going into therapy. I finished a lot of seminars. I took all summer classes, so I was graduating earlier than initially planned.

And now, all I needed was to participate in producing a short film and I would be done with my degree.

“I know,” I agreed. “I had some film students approach me, but I still want to ask for your opinion kung ano ang magandang gawin ko sa pagpili ng production team.”

Based on experience, kailangan kasundo ko sa vision and work ethics ang makakasama ko. I did not want delays. I did not want people giving me excuses when I was very clear about deadlines. I wanted to be informed kung hindi magagawa. It’s a waste of everybody’s time. And I thought this would be the norm and the standard, but joining a lot of productions, alam ko na hindi lahat ay pare-pareho ng work ethics. I learned that the hard way.

Serj and I talked about the production. He gave me a lot of good tips and insights. George was very good and I learned a lot from her, but since Serj was already working in the industry, I learned new things.

“Do you have a script in mind?” he asked.

“Yes,” I quickly replied. I knew that this would be the last requirement, so I had been working on this script for two years. It had gone through five revisions already. And finally, I was contented with what I had written. I wanted to write a simple story—it was about a lawyer who was burned out with her work, so she decided to go abroad for a one month vacation. There, she met this DJ and they had a whirlwind romance that led to her staying there. They lived together. She learned about his ex-wife and his son who was living with the ex-wife. Since she was a lawyer, she helped her boyfriend get weekend custody. But since the boyfriend had a bad record, the requirement was that she had to be there whenever the kid would visit. At first it was good, but later she realized that she was not meant to be there and she wanted to go home. But she was trapped. If she leaves, the boyfriend would lose custody. Her week would begin and end that way until it was Monday again.

“Do you have an actor in mind?” Serj asked.

“I’ll have to consult with the director,” sabi ko dahil gusto ko na laging collaborative. Hindi porke ako iyong writer ay alam ko na lahat. Sometimes, mas maganda iyong vision ng director. I just wanted to keep my options open.

After my meeting with Serj ay nagstay ako sa coffee shop habang hinihintay ko si Ryder. When he texted me that he was outside ay lumabas na ako para puntahan siya.

“Hi,” I said nang maka-sakay ako sa passenger seat. He leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. “Tapos na ’yung shoot mo?”

“Yeah…” he replied, sounding tired. “Sorry I made you wait.”

I nodded. I waited for two hours. Sinabi niya sa akin na 30 minutes away na lang siya. But Manila traffic was unpredictable.

“How’s your day?” he asked while we’re inside his car. Three months ago, he asked me if I was open to dating. I said yes because I knew I needed to be open again. But I told Ryder about what he could and could not expect from me. I was very clear about my boundaries. He agreed to everything. He also told me that we could not be seen in public. I understood because I know some actors and I had already been disillusioned—what you see on the screen is the opposite of what really happens off screen.

“Kausap ko si Serj kanina about my requirement for graduation.”

“Hey, congrats! Finally,” he said, smiling.

“Thank you,” I replied.

“Will you use the script you told me about before?”

“Yes.”

“Do you have an actor in mind?”

“Wala pa. Kakausapin ko iyong director para sabay kaming magdecide.”

Ryder nodded as he was drinking his iced Americano. He’s always on a diet. The camera adds ten pounds. “I wanna throw my name in the hat.”

“Hindi ba busy ka?” I asked because sometimes, his assistant would text me kapag hindi siya makaka-punta kahit nagsabi siya na pupunta siya.

“Yeah, but I really like the script. I’ll make time.”

“Okay,” I replied. “I’ll talk to the director.”

Ryder and I stayed in his car for another hour before he drove me home dahil mayroon siyang photoshoot na kailangang puntahan.

“I’ll see you again,” he said as I unbuckled my seatbelt.

“Okay,” I replied.

“Bye,” he said as he leaned in and kissed my cheek bago ako lumabas at maglakad papasok sa bahay.

---

After a week of careful deliberation, I ended up with George because I really liked working with her and we were already familiar with each other. And then we decided on the other members of the team.

“Ryder Silverio,” I said.

“The actor,” she replied.

“Yes. He said he’s interested on playing the part.”

“Isn’t he busy?”

“He is, but he said he’ll make time.”

“Is he good with his word?”

“Yes,” I said dahil tuwing may lakad kami at may trabaho siya, mas laging nauuna iyong trabaho. He’s good when it came to work kahit na pinaghihintay niya ako palagi.

“Okay, let’s do a script reading to make sure that he fits the role.”

Nag-usap pa kaming team tungkol sa mga possible location ng shoot at kung ano ang mangyayari sa wardrobe, which wasn’t hard. The main problem was the location dahil for abroad iyong script ko, but we’d work on looking for locations na pwedeng mukhang abroad and we’d adjust the color grading of the film. We’d do some tests at kung hindi, I’d adjust the script accordingly.

“Hi,” I said when Ryder called me two hours after I texted him.

“Hey,” he replied. “What’s up?”

“George, the director, said that she wants to do a screen reading first.”

“Okay,” he replied. “Can you send me a part of the script and I’ll record and then I’ll send it back to you?”

“She was thinking of doing this personally.”

“Okay… but I’m not free until Friday.”

“I’ll talk to her. But kung makukuha mo ’to, wala bang magiging problema sa schedule mo?”

“I’m free on weekends,” he said.

“Okay,” I said and then he told me he needed to go dahil magte-take na ulit sila para sa teleserye na shinu-shoot niya.

I talked with George about the schedule and she said that Ryder should just send the video dahil wala siyang order para maghintay hanggang Friday. George mentioned again that I needed to make sure na hindi namin magiging problema iyong schedule ni Ryder. He’s free on weekends… I would just adjust my Calligraphy class and therapy para maging free din ako sa weekend.

---

“Call him,” Dominic said.

“I already called him.”

“Well, it’s been an hour.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Call him.”

Hindi ako sumagot. Ngayon iyong dress rehearsals namin. Next week iyong start na ng shooting. George loved Ryder’s approach of the character, but she didn’t tell him that. She told me nang makaalis na si Ryder. But she was also very vocal about how she hated his work ethics.

“Seriously, he’s always making you wait,” Dominic said.

“Artista ka rin dati—you know the schedule.”

“Yeah, but there’s a reason why you have an assistant to fix your schedule for you—so things like this don’t happen. So unprofessional,” reklamo ni Dominic. I didn’t even ask him to wait with me. Busy kasi iyong girlfriend niya kaya nandito siya ngayon.

“He’s doing this for free.”

“He volunteered , “ Dominic said.

“Galit ka ba kay Ryder?” I asked because he’s always got something negative to say about him.

“No,” he quickly replied.

“Then why are you like this?”

“Because.”

“Because what?”

He put his hands inside the pockets of his pants. “I feel like you bend over backwards to accommodate him and his schedule.”

“So?”

“It just feels different.”

“Different good or different bad?”

“Haven’t decided—just different.”

Dominic uttered a curse under his breath nang dumating na si Ryder. I saw Dominic rolling his eyes nang halikan ni Ryder iyong pisngi ko. We rode in his van papunta sa location kung nasaan iyong dress rehearsal. Ryder said that he’s sorry dahil puro re-take dahil nagkakamali iyong ka-eksena niya sa scene niya. Inabutan ko siya ng tissue dahil may bakas ng lipstick sa gilid ng labi niya.

“What?” Ryder asked, frowning when Dominic snorted.

“Nothing,” Dominic said. “I mean, you’re sitting beside the girl you’re ‘dating’,” he said with air quotes, “And you got lipstick stains on. It’s funny if you really think about it.”

I tuned them out hanggang sa makarating na kami sa venue. George did not look pleased, but I already told her that if this would be a problem, we could just look for another actor, but she would not entertain the idea.

After two hours, natapos na iyong dress rehearsal. Ryder said that they needed to go, but that they’d drop us off sa kung saan nila kami dinaanan kanina. I was about to agree, but his assistant cut me off and told me na out of way daw, so I just told Ryder na hindi na kami sasabay.

“What?” I asked because Dominic was looking at me and shaking his head.

“Nothing,” he replied. “You want ice cream? I feel like you deserve ice cream.”

Naglakad kami. We’re still inside the campus, so I did not understand the ‘out of the way’ comment dahil paikot lang naman iyong campus. But it was fine dahil nag-e-enjoy akong maglakad. Last semester ko na. After this, makaka-balik pa kaya ako sa school? My plan was to submit scripts and if opportunity allows me, I wanted to take a short course in New York for script writing. I always wanted to learn more.

“Is that Austin?” Dominic asked nang mapadaan kami sa may Registrar. He was looking at the back of a guy who was wearing a light brown khaki pants, white short sleeved polo, and brown boat shoes.

“I don’t know,” I replied because that could be anyone… although from where we were standing, the guy seemed to be the same height.

“What if it’s him?” Dominic asked.

“Then it’s him,” I replied.

“It won’t be weird?”

“Why would it be weird?” I asked. The last time I talked to him was when I told him that if he was trying to win me over, that he should stop it. He was honest and told me that that was what he was doing. I told him I needed him to stop. He apologized. He said he didn’t think things through when he asked me to be friends. But he still did. He could not change that. And he could not expect me to just accommodate him in my life the way I did before. That ship has sunk already.

And then we did not talk after that.

The last time I heard, he renewed his contract in Japan. And then the contract ended. Cohen told me that he’s working. I didn’t know where. I didn’t really ask. I was busy with my studies.

“I don’t know,” Dominic replied. And then the guy turned and it was Austin. Napa-tingin siya sa amin. Dominic leaned in and said, “Now we’ll see if it’ll be weird.”

Chapter 46

Chapter 46

“Hey,” sabi ni Dominic kay Austin na naka-tingin sa amin. Austin smiled and approached us. He looked at me for one second, nodded at me, and then looked back at Dominic. “What brings you here?” he asked.

“Transcript.”

“You’re studying again?”

“Not yet decided,” he replied. Tumingin muli sa akin si Austin. “Nice to see you,” he said before he said goodbye. He didn’t even finish his first step when Dominic called his name. Napa-tigil siya at humarap muli sa amin.

“Busy?” Dominic asked.

“Not really,” Austin replied.

“We’re going to get ice cream. Do you want to come?” Tumingin sa akin si Austin. “Karma, Austin’s asking without words if it’s alright with you that he’d join us?”

“Sure,” sagot ko dahil hindi naman ako ang may-ari ng ice cream shop sa may tabi ng College of Education.

We began to walk. No one was talking. It was such a nice afternoon dahil hindi mataas iyong araw. Hindi masyadong mainit. Hindi rin masyadong malakas iyong hangin. May mga nagja-jog sa oval na nakaka-salubong kami.

“What’s up with you?” Dominic asked.

“Nothing much,” he replied.

“Work?” Dominic asked.

“Sure.”

“Girlfriend?”

“No girlfriend,” he said. Tumingin sa akin si Dominic. He grinned. My forehead creased at what he did. Napa-tingin si Austin sa akin dahil sa nangyari. Kumunot din ang noo niya. And then he cleared his throat. “You?” he asked me.

“Me?” I replied.

“I have a girlfriend,” sabi ni Dominic.

Austin shook his head for a second and then we continued to walk in silence. Pagdating namin sa may ice cream shop ay maraming tao. Dominic volunteered to buy the ice cream for us habang nasa labas kami at naghihintay.

“How are you?” Austin asked after a minute of full silence.

“I’m fine,” I replied. “You?”

“Good.”

Wala ulit nagsalita sa amin.

“How’s BV?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” he replied. “I left him at the house, so that you could go visit.”

“I don’t visit,” I said.

“Oh,” he replied.

And then there was silence again.

He put his hands inside his pocket. Was it possible that he grew taller than the last time I saw him? Or was it because of the hair? His curly hair wasn’t as long as before. He looked more professional now.

“You should visit,” sabi ni Austin. “Or do you want to get BV’s custody?” he asked. “Cohen’s the only one staying there with our parents.”

“Hindi ba malulungkot si Violet?”

“Violet died.”

Agad akong napa-tingin sa kanya.

“I went home. We had a small funeral. It was… nice.”

“Bakit hindi ko alam?”

“You specifically asked me not to talk to you for at least a year.”

I looked at the people passing right in front of us again. I did ask him that… I figured that I’d need at least a year to be okay again. But it had been more than a year.

“Where is she buried?”

“In Tagaytay.”

“Pwede ba akong pumunta roon?”

“Sure. I’ll email you the address. Is it the same email?”

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” he said after another minute of silence. “I didn’t know how to talk to you. I… I still don’t know how to talk to you.”

“You can talk to me like before.”

“Like how?”

“Like we’re friends.”

“We can be friends now?”

“Yes, if you want to,” I said. “Do you want to?”

Hindi siya sumagot.

“Do you want me to be honest?” he asked.

“If you want to,” I replied. I would always be honest with him and with everyone… I just did not like lying in general. But I learned that just because I give everyone my honesty does not mean that I could expect the same from other people. Iba-iba ang tao. I should respect that.

“I don’t think I can ever be just friends with you.”

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya.

“If I see you, you’ll be all I ever think about…”

He smiled at me.

“I’m sorry but I’d rather not have you in my life than to have you in it and know that I’ll never really have you. It’s just… torture.”

And then right after he said that, Dominic came back with the ice cream.

---

I kept on waiting for Austin’s email about the place kung saan naka-libing si Violet. I felt really awful na hindi ko alam na namatay siya. Austin did not have the responsibility to tell me and he was right that he was just honoring my request.

The whole day passed and I received no email from him. I texted Saint to ask for the address, and he did give it to me, but also told me that I should ask Austin for the specifics dahil malaki raw iyong lugar at baka maligaw ako. I asked kung pwede ba na siya na lang ang magsabi sa akin, pero hindi niya raw kabisado.

‘Hi. This is Karaminah. I’m sorry for texting. Saint gave me your number. I just want to ask about the address for the cemetery. I’m planning to visit Violet,’ I texted.

I stared at the phone, waiting for the reply, but the whole afternoon ended and I got nothing. But that night, at 8:53PM, he replied.

‘Hi. Sorry for the late reply. I’ll send via email the specifics.’

It took him five minutes bago siya nakapagsend ng email. Nandoon iyong address and he even drew a map at mayroong star kung nasaan iyong libingan ni Violet.

‘Thank you,’ I replied to the email.

‘No problem,’ he replied.

Dahil hindi pa naman tapos iyong sa location scouting ay wala pa akong kailangang gawin para sa final project. George would still have to assess if the script needs revising. For now, I was free.

Nagpunta kami ni Kuya Robert sa address na binigay ni Austin. I went outside and followed the instruction that he gave, but I really could not locate Violet. Pati si Kuya Robert ay hindi niya rin alam.

“Tawagan mo na kaya si Austin?” Kuya Robert said.

I stayed quiet. He was very clear that he did not want me in his life. He followed my request na huwag akong kausapin—he even went beyond because I only asked for a year but he gave me more than that. I needed to respect his request that I stay away from him.

“I can’t,” I said.

Napa-kamot si Kuya Robert. “Paano ’yan? Uwi na lang tayo?”

“Sayang iyong bulaklak,” I replied because I brought a boquet of violets for Violet.

“E tawagan mo.”

“I can’t.”

“Bakit nga?”

“Ayaw niya na akong maging kaibigan.”

Kumunot ang noo ni Kuya Robert. “Minsan hindi ko na talaga maintindihan ang mga kabataan,” sinabi niya habang naiiling. “May number ka ba? Kung meron e ako na lang ang tatawag. Sinabi ba niya na bawal akong tumawag?”

I shook my head. He’s got a point. I gave Kuya Robert his number. I told Kuya Robert to introduce himself first via text bago tumawag dahil hindi sasagot si Austin kung hindi niya kilala iyong number. And he did answer the call on the first ring. Magkausap sila sa phone habang binibigyan ng instruction ni Austin si Kuya Robert, but hindi pa rin kami makarating si puntod ni Violet.

“Nasaan na raw?” I asked nang ibaba ni Kuya Robert iyong tawag.

“May meeting daw siya d’yan sa malapit lang. Puntahan niya na lang daw tayo.”

“Galit ba?”

“Bakit magagalit?”

“Kasi may meeting siya,” I replied. He’s busy with work, tapos pupunta siya rito dahil naliligaw kami ni Kuya Robert.

“Tapos naman na ata saka mabait naman ’yong si Austin—ikaw naman nililigawan hindi ako, pero mas gusto ko ’yang si Austin kaysa d’yan sa manliligaw mo ngayon.”

“Mabait si Ryder.”

“Nako, ’di man lang makababa sa van niya tuwing dadaan.”

I chose not to reply because we had this conversation before already. Ryder already met them and my parents. He asked for their permission to court me. But after that, hindi na siya madalas pumunta sa bahay dahil may isang beses na may naka-kuha ng picture niya na nasa labas ng bahay namin. It was only his back, so it did not get traction. After that, hindi na siya lumalabas sa van.

“Hi, Kuya,” Austin greeted nang maka-baba siya sa sasakyan niya at lumapit sa amin. He looked very formal. He was wearing a suit sans the coat and tie. The first three buttons of his shirt was undone.

“Sige na’t kayong dalawa na lang ang pumunta. Kanina pa kami paikut-ikot d’yan. Hintayin ko na lang kayo rito,” sabi ni Kuya Robert at saka pumasok sa sasakyan.

Naglakad ulit kami pabalik sa entrance. Austin stopped on his tracks.

“They changed things,” sabi niya.

“Kailan ka huling pumunta rito?”

“Three months ago. I try to go every month, but I’d been really busy,” sabi niya. “I’m sorry you got lost—my map was wrong.”

We turned right and ended on a dead end. Bumalik ulit kami at sa kabila naman dumaan. We got to a dead end again. Austin got his phone out to call the guy he’s paying to clean and put flowers on Violet’s grave every month.

“He’ll be here in thirty minutes,” Austin said.

“Okay,” I replied.

We stood in silence. I hugged the flowers close to my chest dahil ayaw ko iyong ibaba. I looked up and it’s getting darker. Mukhang uulan nang malakas.

And then the first raindrop fell.

Sumilong kaming dalawa ni Austin sa ilalim ng shed. Palakas nang palakas iyong ulan. Kinuha ko iyong cellphone ko para tignan kung ano ang weather forecast. It changed. Kanina ay naka-lagay ay sunny, pero ngayon ay malakas na raw ang ulan buong gabi.

His phone vibrated again.

“Sorry,” he said. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. “He said he won’t be able to come because of the rain. He’s only using his bike.”

I nodded. It’s not safe to bike under this kind of weather condition. Tahimik lang kaming nandoon dahil hindi kami makaalis dahil wala kaming dalang payong. Malakas iyong pagbagsak ng ulan. Iyon lang ang naririnig ko. Tumawag si Kuya Robert para sabihin na may payong siya kaya lang ay baka mas maligaw pa siya kapag hinanap niya kami.

An hour passed and it didn’t feel like the rain would stop pouring.

“Do you have a plastic in your bag?” Austin asked.

“Meron akong ziplock.”

“Can I put my phone and my wallet there?”

Kinuha ko iyong ziplock at inilagay sa totebag ko iyong laman niya na alcohol at wipes. Inilagay namin ni Austin iyong phones namin at iyong wallet. It’s getting darker. We needed to get out of here.

“Let’s go?” he asked nang masigurado namin na nasa plastic lahat ng importanteng bagay.

“Okay,” I replied as we began to walk under the rain.

Austin was walking in front of me dahil malambot iyong lupa. I was walking behind him and his shirt was sticking against his skin. I tried to avert my eyes, but could not do anything about it because he’s right in front of me. Nang huminto siya ay lumingon siya sa akin at tumingin. Even with his shirt, I saw the contour of his abs against his wet shirt. Agad akong tumingin sa mukha niya. I should not look at that. He’s not my boyfriend.

“Did we turn left or right earlier?” he asked. Medyo naka-pikit ang mga mata niya dahil basang-basa na ang buhok niya at nasa mukha niya na halos iyong bangs niya na mahaba kapag basa.

“Right,” I replied.

Naglakad kami nang naglakad hanggang sa maka-balik kami sa sasakyan. Agad na naka-abang si Kuya Robert sa amin ng payong.

“Nagtext ang Mama mo,” he said as he handed over a small towel para sa amin ni Austin. “May aksidente pala sa pabalik sa Manila dahil may tumaob na container truck. Ma-stranded lang tayo. Dito na raw tayo magpa-lipas ng gabi.”

Napa-tingin ako kay Austin at wala na pala siya sa likuran ko.

“Okay,” sabi ko kay Kuya Robert. Sinabi niya sa akin na nagbook na si Mama ng tig-isang kwarto para sa amin sa may hotel sa Tagaytay proper.

“Karaminah,” pagtawag ni Austin. Tumingin ako sa kanya at may inaabot siya sa akin. “You can use this if you’re cold,” he added habang nasa kamay ko na iyong coat niya.

“Thank you,” I said.

“Sure,” he replied tapos ay tinanong siya ni Kuya Robert kung ano ang plano niya. “My things are at the hotel. I still need to go back.”

“Saan ka ba babalik?”

“Escala,” Austin replied.

“Doon din kami binook, e. Convoy na lang tayo,” sabi ni Kuya Robert tapos ay pumasok na pabalik sa sasakyan. Naiwan kami ni Austin sa labas. I was already holding an umbrella over my head habang nauulanan pa siya. I tried to cover him, too, but he’s taller. He got the umbrella from my hand and held it over both our heads.

“I promise I really am trying to get out of your life,” sabi ko dahil baka naiinis siya na hindi ako maka-sunod sa gusto niyang mangyari.

Austin looked at me and sighed.

“Karaminah Viel,” he said.

I did not know if it was because it was raining and it was cold, but I felt chills ran across my system. It was the first time in years that I heard him call me that.

“You’re happy… right?”

“Yes.”

“Good. That’s all I ever wanted,” he replied before he handed the umbrella over and walked under the rain towards his car. 

** This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories.

Chapter 47

Chapter 47

Pagdating namin sa hotel ay nagcheck-in kami. The receptionist gave me my keycard. I thanked her at saka tumingin ako kay Austin na naka-tayo sa tabi ko.

“I’ll return this to you kapag tuyo na,” sabi ko habang suot ko pa rin iyong coat niya. He nodded at me. “Thank you,” I added tapos ay naglakad na ako papunta sa elevator. I pushed the button. Napa-tingin ako sa gilid at nakita ko na nandoon pa rin si Austin sa may reception at ngayon ay kausap niya na si Kuya Robert. Nang mapa-tingin siya sa gawi ko ay nagtama ang mga mata namin. He just nodded at me at saktong bumukas iyong elevator. I went in.

Pagdating ko sa kwarto ay agad akong pumunta sa CR. I opened the shower and waited for the hot water. I took a long bath and then wore the bathrobe dahil basa iyong damit ko. Inilagay ko sa laundry bag iyong mga basang damit ko. I washed my underwear by myself at isinampay ko iyon. I left the exhaust fan open para mas madaling matuyo. I called the reception para ipa-kuha iyon para may isusuot ako bukas.

Kinuha ko iyong cellphone ko para itext si Kuya Robert na ipa-laundry din iyong mga damit niya. Nakita ko na nasa akin iyong cellphone at wallet ni Austin. I accidentally opened it and saw that his keycard was there, too.

I tried calling Kuya Robert, but he was not answering. I called the reception to ask if Austin was there and after giving his description, they said that he was sitting by the lobby by himself. I asked them to tell him na pumunta sa floor ko. I did not want to go downstairs in my bathrobe.

Eight minutes later, someone was knocking on the door.

“Hi—” sabi niya at napa-tigil. He scanned me from head to toe. His face reddened and then he averted his gaze. He was looking at the hallway.

“Nandito iyong cellphone at wallet mo,” I said. I left the door open at saka naglakad ako papunta sa may coffee table at kinuha iyong gamit niya roon. The ziplock did its job at tuyo iyong mga gamit niya.

His phone vibrated. Napa-tingin ako roon. May pumasok na text. There was a text from someone named Sofie. I looked at him and handed him his phone.

“I’m sorry I accidentally saw the name,” sabi ko dahil napa-tingin ako dahil sa pagvibrate niya habang hawak ko siya.

“She’s someone I work with,” he said.

“Okay,” I replied.

“I’m not seeing anyone.”

“I didn’t ask.”

Tumango siya.

“You’re… seeing someone?” he asked.

“Yes,” I replied because it’s true. I was dating Ryder. Months into it, I still was not sure kung magiging kami. I was trying to do better this time. Everything that went wrong with Austin, I listed it down and tried to work on it. I really try not to miss on any dates. I focus my attention on him when I was with him. I always try to reply to his texts and messages kahit minsan ay wala naman akong gustong sabihin.

I knew I was the problem the last time—I just did not want to be the problem again.

“Magkaka-sakit ka,” sabi ko sa kanya dahil medyo natutuyo na iyong damit niya. It had been roughly an hour simula nang dumating ako sa kwarto, naligo, at nakapaglaba. Was he staying there the entire time? Hindi ba siya pwedeng magrequest ng bagong keycard?

“Right,” he said. He raised his phone and wallet that he was holding with one hand. “Thanks for this.”

“Sorry nalimutan ko na nasa bag ko.”

“I forgot to ask, too.”

Nagpaalam na siya at saka tumalikod at naglakad palayo. I thought he would go to the elevator, but he stopped just three rooms away from me. He placed the keycard against the knob. He got in and the door was shut closed.

I ordered room service for Kuya Robert’s room and mine when I got hungry. Nang mayroong kumatok ay binuksan ko iyon. I thanked the guy who delivered. Pag-alis niya sa kwarto ko ay sa kwarto ni Austin naman siya kumatok. Napa-tingin si Austin sa gawi ko dahil nandoon pa rin ako at hawak iyong pagkain ko.

“Do you want to eat together?” I asked. “It’s okay if you don’t want to,” I added because I remembered again him telling me that he’d rather that we’re not friends.

Instead of answering, lumapit siya sa akin habang dala niya iyong pagkain niya. His hair was slightly damp. Naka-ligo na siya and he was wearing a navy blue pajama and plain white shirt. He smelled like aftershave. His face looked… rosy.

“Do you want to eat on the pool area?” he asked.

“Okay,” I replied dahil ayokong kumain sa kwarto hanggat maaari dahil mag-aamoy ulam iyon.

Naglakad kami ni Austin papunta sa may pool area. We settled on the table near the edge. Nasa harap namin iyong infinity pool. It was so cold.

“Do you want to go back in?” he asked.

“No, it’s okay.”

“I’ll just get my jacket,” sabi niya at saka tumayo at naglakad pabalik. I hugged myself because it really was cold. Six minutes later ay bumalik si Austin. He handed me a jacket. I thanked him as I wore it. It smelled different—nag-iba siya ng pabango.

We began to eat quietly. His phone showed Sofie’s name again. Binaliktad niya iyong cellphone niya at saka nagpatuloy sa pagkain.

“Can I ask a question?”

“Sure,” he replied.

“Simula nung hindi mo na ako niligawan, mayroon ka bang niligawan na iba?” I asked. I was curious… but not curious enough to search about it. Sometimes, I did wonder about him. My therapist said that it’s normal to wonder, but what’s not normal was to obsess about it kahit na alam mo na hindi healthy para sa ’yo. You need to recognize the problem and put an end to it.

“Too busy for that,” he said.

“Busy with work or studies?”

“Work,” he replied. “Just passed FSO,” he added and I just stared at him. “Foreign Service Officer test,” he explained. “I’m working my way up to become an ambassador.”

I nodded. “Hindi ka na maglalaro?”

“I still play for fun,” he said. “But I feel like I already did everything there is to do there. It’s time to focus on my other interests.”

“You have other interests?”

He smiled for a second. “Of course I do,” sabi niya. “I really love basketball, but I also enjoy Math, History, learning new cultures and language. I also like hiking. I like working out a lot. I have random interests that I want to focus on now that I don’t play basketball professionally.”

I nodded. That’s interesting. Ako ang interest ko lang ay ang pagsusulat ng script. I enjoy watching the movie, but I would not go as far as to say that it’s one of my interests.

His phone vibrated again.

“Maybe it’s important.”

“Okay,” sabi niya sa akin at kinuha iyong cellphone niya. He read the text, and then excused himself. Nandoon siya sa may glass. Naka-talikod siya mula sa akin. The call last for three minutes and three seconds before he was back with me.

“Sorry about that,” sabi niya.

“Is she your workmate?”

“Yes.”

My phone vibrated. Nandoon iyong pangalan ni Ryder Silverio. Austin was looking at it. He was staring at it. Kinuha ko iyong cellphone ko at binasa iyong text ni Ryder. He was telling me that he’s tired and he wants to see me tomorrow.

“Pwede ba kaming samahan nung kausap mo kanina?” I asked because I wanted to visit Violet bago kami bumalik sa Manila.

“Yes.”

“Pwede siya ng umaga?” I asked again. “I need to be back by 1PM.”

“You have a date?” he asked.

“Ryder wants to see me.”

He nodded as he turned his gaze from my face to the empty plate in front of him. He grabbed his phone from the table and nodded.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll tell him to be there at 9AM,” sabi niya at saka tumayo. “Good night,” he added as he grabbed his plate at saka naglakad papasok.

---

I woke up at 7AM. I called for my clothes and after they were delivered ay naligo na ako at nagpalit. I went down for the breakfast. Nakita ko na nandoon si Kuya Robert kaya naman doon ako pumunta matapos kong kumuha ng pagkain ko.

“Di ba magbe-breakfast si Austin?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I replied.

“Text mo.”

“We’re not friends.”

“Grabe, aayain lang kumain.”

“You text him,” sabi ko at saka kinuha ni Kuya Robert iyong cellphone niya at itinext si Austin.

“Mamaya pa raw siya kakain. Tsk. Nag-away ba kayo kagabi?”

“Bakit naman kami mag-aaway?”

“Ewan. Nag-usap ba kayo kagabi?”

“Sabay kaming nagdinner.”

“Ano’ng pinag-usapan niyo?”

“Marami.”

“Ano’ng huli niyong pinag-usapan na lang?”

“I told him na kailangan kong umuwi nang maaga dahil gusto akong makita ni Ryder sa hapon,” sabi ko kay Kuya Robert na naiiling habang kuma-kain ng bacon. Half his plate was covered with bacon. That’s unhealthy.

“Saan daw tayo mamaya?”

“Quezon Ave daw iyong shoot nila.”

“Sasagutin mo ba ’yang Ryder na ’yan?”

“I don’t know.”

“Wag na.”

“Why?”

“Saan ka naka-kita ng manliligaw na ikaw pa pinapa-punta sa kanya? ’Di ganyan dapat,” Kuya Robert said. “Kahit tanungin mo pa Ate mo. Maling-mali ’yang manliligaw mo.”

Everyone disapproves of Ryder—Dominic, Ate Gina, Kuya Robert. My parents never once asked me about him, but he’s welcomed in our house.

“Busy siya sa shooting.”

“Sige na lang,” sabi ni Kuya Robert at hindi na namin pinag-usapan si Ryder hanggang sa matapos kaming kumain ng breakfast. After that ay nagcheckout na kami at dumiretso sa cemetery. Nandoon na iyong kausap ni Austin. Dinala niya kami sa puntod. Inilagay ko roon iyong bagong bulaklak na binili ko. It was a bouquet of Daisies dahil wala akong makita na Violet… Kapag bumalik na lang ako rito kapag kasama ko si Blue at BV.

Nagpaalam na ako kay Violet tapos ay bumalik na kami sa Manila. Dumaan muna kami sa bahay. Pumunta kami sa shoot ni Ryder ng 2PM. Hindi pa tapos iyong scene niya kaya naghintay kami. But I got hungry kaya naman lumabas ako ng van para bumili ng inumin tapos ay bumalik ako sa loob ng sasakyan.

“Hi,” sabi ni Ryder nang pumasok siya sa sasakyan. He kissed my cheek. “Hi, Kuya,” bati niya kay Kuya Robert na tumango sa kanya.

Ryder asked me how my day was and I told him that I just came back from Tagaytay. His forehead creased when I mentioned Austin’s name.

“That’s your ex, right?” he asked.

“Hindi naging kami.”

“But you two dated.”

“Yes.”

He remained silent. Napa-tingin siya kay Kuya Robert na nasa unahan ay may naka-lagay na earphones sa tenga niya. “Karma,” Ryder said. “I don’t feel comfortable that you’re talking with your ex.”

My forehead creased.

“Okay…” I said. “What do you want me to do?”

“Can you not talk to him?”

“Paano kapag nakita ko siya?”

“You can say hi, but not really talk to him?”

Hindi ako nagsalita. That would feel disrespectful… but I was dating Ryder and I needed to respect his feelings. I told him he should tell me what he wanted from me, and he did exactly that.

“Okay,” I said.

“You won’t talk to him anymore?”

I nodded. “Yes,” I replied. And I felt like I would not see him that much, anyway. Nakita ko lang siya dahil may kinuha siya sa school and because I called him myself. If not for those reasons, hindi kami magkikita sa Manila.

“Thank you,” Ryder said, kissing my cheek before he went out para bumalik sa shooting niya. Kuya Robert immediately got his earphones out and asked me kung aalis na kami. I nodded and we went home.

Pagdating namin ay nakita ko na mayroong text si Austin sa akin. He was asking me if I wanted him to bring BV to our house. I was about to say yes, but I remembered Ryder’s request. So, instead, I texted him saying that I’ll just ask Kuya Robert para kuhanin si BV sa bahay nila. He reacted with a thumbs up on my message. 

** This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories.

Chapter 48

Chapter 48

BV was not eating.

I had been watching her for three days now, pero hindi pa rin siya kumakain nang maayos. She would just eat about 1/8 of her meal tapos ay tapos na siya. She was always with Blue—nasa may second floor sila at naka-tingin sa labas. They always looked like they were planning to break out.

“May I should call Cohen,” sabi ko kay Ate Gina.

“Sige papuntahin mo rito,” she said, nodding profusely.

“Okay,” sagot ko tapos ay umakyat na ako sa kwarto para kuhanin iyong cellphone ko. Si Cohen iyong nasa bahay nila kaya siya ang kasama ni BV. Base sa research ko ay naninibago siya kaya hindi siya kumakain.

“Hi,” sabi ko nang sagutin ni Cohen ang tawag ko. I sent him a text message first asking him if I could call. Nang sabihin niya na pwede ay tumawag na ako.

“Hi,” he replied.

“BV is not eating,” I said. “I read online na baka naninibago siya dahil ikaw ang lagi niyang kasama. Kung hindi ka busy, pwede ka bang pumunta rito? Hindi siya masyadong kumakain.”

“I think you should call Kuya Austin,” he replied. “I think he’s the one who could help you.”

Natahimik ako. Hindi ko pwedeng kausapin si Austin dahil sa pakiusap ni Ryder. He told me he was uncomfortable and since we were dating, I needed to consider his feelings. Dati ay hindi ko kinu-kunsidera iyong nararamdaman ni Austin—I needed to do better this time.

“Okay. Thank you,” I said before I bade goodbye at saka ibinaba ko na iyong tawag. Pagbaba ko ay nakita ko na hindi pa rin kumakain si BV. Pati si Blue ay hindi na rin daw kumakain sabi ni Ate Gina. I sighed. Inihanda ko sila at saka dinala sa vet, but I was told that there’s nothing wrong with them. They were prescribed vitamins pampagana kumain. I hoped this works.

Nang sumunod na limang araw ay nagkaroon na kami ng finalization para sa location. Naka-kita sila ng location na pwedeng maging ibang bansa. The postproduction team just needed to tweak the color grading para mas maging convincing. We did not have a budget. Mas marami kaming magagawa kung mayroong budget for production. Maayos na rin iyong sa costume team. Naka-handa na lahat ng isusuot ng mga characters sa bawat eksena. George already sent me the set design proposal para sa unang batch ng eksena na isu-shoot namin. I had until tomorrow to send the final approval. I was down to the last three, but I wanted to go over it again, just to be certain.

On Sunday, Ryder asked me if I wanted to go to an event. It was the last Sunday bago magsimula iyong shooting. I asked him what time it was and it was right after my therapy, so I agreed.

“Thank you,” I told Dr. Sena.

“I’ll see you next weekend,” she said. I nodded. “Don’t forget your exercise,” she added at nginitian ako bago ako lumabas.

When Papa opened the idea of me going back to therapy, it took me six different doctors before I settled with my current one. I needed to feel comfortable. Maayos naman iyong iba, but they did not feel… right. Mama told me that I should try one session per doctor and then decide kung sino ang pinaka-kumportable ako dahil iyon ang kakausapin ko palagi. Therapy includes telling them your unspoken thoughts—I needed someone I could be comfortable with.

After the session ay nasa labas na iyong sasakyan ni Ryder. He was driving his black Lexus NX 300. Naglakad ako papunta roon at pumasok sa loob.

“Hi,” he said, smiling at me.

“Hi,” I replied, smiling back.

“We’re gonna sit with my friends,” sabi niya habang nagda-drive palayo. “You remember them? Bryan? Anthony? Kiesh?” he asked and I nodded because I did remember their names nung ipinakilala ako ni Ryder sa kanila. Ryder told me about the event we’d be attending—it was a big brand event at maraming invited na mga artista at influencers.

There were a lot of people in the venue. It was a launching event of a telecom company—I always see Dominic posting about this dahil isa siya sa mga online endorsers. Pati si Austin ay nakikita ko rin noon na nagpopost dito.

“I’ll be back,” Ryder said at nagpaalam. I was left in a table with his friends. They were talking about someone named Yasmine and how she was sleeping with the executive of the network para maka-kuha ng lead role. I stayed there for twenty minutes. They began talking about a man named Alex and how he had a gay benefactor. They began discussing private details and I felt like I should not be hearing about those kaya naman tumayo na ako.

I walked around. Maraming tao. Malakas iyong tugtog. I continued walking para maka-hanap ng tahimik na lugar. I finally found a door at lumabas ako roon. Naglakad ako nang diretso hanggang makarating ako sa dulo.

And then I saw Austin.

His back was on me, but I knew his back.

Maybe I made some noise dahil tumalikod siya at napa-tingin sa akin. His lips parted for a split second bago kumunot ang noo niya. He was wearing a light brown khaki pants, white long sleeves that was folded to his mid arm, and white sneakers.

I smiled and then reminded myself that I shouldn’t be talking to him. I took three steps away from him when I heard his voice.

“How’s BV?” he asked.

“Wala siyang sakit sabi ng vet,” sagot ko habang naka-talikod pa rin.

“Cohen said that he told you to call me.”

“I know.”

Then I heard his footsteps hanggang sa mapunta na siya sa harapan ko. My head was tilted para maka-tingin ako sa mukha niya. He was taller than me.

“Why didn’t you call?” he asked.

I remained silent. I should not discuss with him my relationship with Ryder. Kagaya ng sinabi sa akin ni Dominic dati na hindi ko dapat sinasabi sa kanya iyong sa aming dalawa ni Austin.

“You said you don’t want me in your life.”

His lips were pressed in a thin line.

“I remember what I said.”

“I’m trying to follow that.”

“Really.”

“Really.”

There was silence between us. I heard the faint beat of the music from the event. Napa-tingin ako sa phone ko. There was no text there. I wanted to leave already.

Ibinalik ko iyong tingin ko sa kanya.

“Aus.”

Napa-tingin si Austin sa likuran ko. Napa-tingin din ako roon. I saw a tall woman waiving at him. She was wearing a gray tweed shorts and blazer at naka-white chunky sneakers. Napa-tingin siya sa akin at sandaling nawala iyong ngiti niya pero mabilis din na bumalik iyon.

“I was looking for you,” sabi nung babae. Tumingin siya sa akin at inioffer iyong kamay niya. “I’m Sofie,” she said.

I took a deep breath and did the exercise that Dr. Sena taught me. I counted to three inside my head and then accepted her hand. “Nice to meet you,” I said. “I’m Karaminah.”

She smiled at me tapos ay mabilis na ibinalik ang tingin kay Austin. “The event’s about to end,” she said. “I heard there’s an after party. Are we staying?”

Tumingin sa akin si Austin. “Yes,” he said.

My phone vibrated. Nakita ko iyong text ni Ryder doon at hina-hanap ako. Tumingin ako kay Austin. “Babalik na ako sa loob,” sabi ko sa kanilang dalawa at pumasok na ako sa loob. Pagbalik ko roon ay mas maingay na. There was some group performing in front. I did not know who was actually watching dahil naka-labas ang cellphone ng lahat ng tao. Bumalik ako sa table at nandoon si Ryder. Isang minuto na ang lumipas bago niya napansin na nandoon na ako.

“Where were you?” he asked.

“Outside,” I replied.

“There’s an after party? Do you want to stay?” he asked. “I need to stay, but if you wanna go home, I’ll drive you home first.”

Biglang dumaan sa harap ng table namin si Austin at Sofie. Sofie was walking first at nasa likuran niya si Austin. They looked good together. She was tall and just a few inches shorter than him.

“I wanna go home,” sabi ko kay Ryder.

“Okay,” he said, shrugging.

There was a raffle and I realized that Zondra was here dahil siya iyong nanalo ng latest model ng iPhone. I looked for Dominic, pero wala siya. Nang matapos ang program ay sinabi ni Ryder na may pupuntahan lang daw siya tapos ay aalis na kami. I told him na doon ako sa isang gilid maghihintay dahil ayoko na maka-rinig sa table kung sino iyong artista na pumunta sa America dahil buntis.

“Hey!” Nakita ko si Dominic na papalapit sa akin. He was holding a paperbag ng iPhone. Kasama nga siya ni Zondra. “You’re here… with Ryder, I guess?” I nodded. “Where’s he?”

“May kakausapin lang daw.”

“Kanina ka pa rito?” he asked.

“A few minutes.”

He rolled his eyes. “You know what, if he’s treating you like this while you two are still dating, imagine how he’d treat you once you’re his girlfriend already.”

“What do you mean?”

He shrugged. “Think about it,” he said. “You’re always waiting for him, ikaw iyong pumupunta kung nasaan siya, you’re adjusting your schedule to accommodate his. Doesn’t seem fair.”

“I was told that in a relationship, you need to meet each other half way,” I replied, remembering the exact words that Austin told me the night he said that he wanted us to be just friends.

“Yes, but this is like… you’re from the South and he’s from the North and you two are meeting in Trinoma. Doesn’t seem like it’s really half-way.”

I nodded.

“I don’t mind,” sabi ko.

“Really?” he asked, his brow arched.

Napa-tingin kaming dalawa kina Austin at Sofie na dumaan dahil palabas na sila ng event’s place.

“Who’s she?”

“Sofie.”

“Oof. New girl?”

“Workmate.”

“Just workmate?”

“I don’t know. I don’t talk to him anymore.”

“What? Why?”

“Ryder told me that he doesn’t feel comfortable na kinakausap ko si Austin.”

“What the fuck?” Dominic asked, his forehead in deep crease. “He told you to stop talking to Austin?”

“No, he just said that he feels uncomfortable and since I want to respect his feelings, I decided to not talk to Austin for now.”

“Wow,” he said. “Who does he think he is telling you who you can and can’t talk to?”

“He didn’t tell me—he just said that he’s uncomfortable na kinakausap ko si Austin.”

“And you decided na ’wag kausapin si Austin?”

“Yes.”

“Wow.”

“Why wow?”

“Because the old Karma would just shrug it off.”

“I’m trying to learn,” I told him. “I want to be more sensitive with other people’s feelings. He said he’s uncomfortable and I needed to be sensitive with that. Mali ba iyong ginagawa ko?” I asked because I did not know what to do anymore. Kapag hindi ko pinansin, I was insensitive. Kapag ginawan ko ng paraan, mali pa rin ako.

Humans are hard to read.

“No, but… he really can’t tell you what you can and can’t do—it doesn’t work that way,” Dominic said. “You were there—you saw me whenever there’s a strange guy in Zo’s IG story but I never once told her that she can’t talk to them. I just silently sulked.”

I nodded. “Lagi lang naka-kunot ang noo mo.”

“Sure, but I never gave her a list of people she shouldn’t be talking to—because I do not own her. That’s how it should be. Ryder can’t tell you what you can and can’t do. You should not be okay with that.”

I remained silent.

I should discuss this with Dr. Sena—dalawang magkaibang bagay ang naririnig ko. Hindi ko alam kung alin ang dapat kong sundin.

“Seriously—I’ve been talking here for minutes, nasaan na ba ’yung kasama mo?” Dominic asked.

We stayed there for another ten minutes bago siya naka-balik. Iniwan na kami ni Dominic dahil bumalik na si Ryder. But Ryder apologized dahil biglang may kailangan daw siyang kausapin. He asked me kung pwede ba na magpa-sundo na lang ako. Nagpaalam na ako sa kanya at lumabas. Naka-tayo ako sa isang gilid habang hinihintay ko si Kuya Robert.

I was quietly standing there nang biglang nasa harapan ko na si Austin. He was standing right in front of me.

“Are you going home? I’ll drive you,” he said.

“Paparating na si Kuya Robert.”

He still didn’t move. Naka-tayo lang siya sa harapan ko.

“Sabi ko sa ’yo ex nga ’yun nung sikat na basketball player! Tapos jowa na ni Ryder ngayon! Sana all si ate girl!”

Kumunot ang noo ni Austin.

“Ako ba ang pinag-uusapan nila?” I asked because the description seemed like it was pertaining to me.

“Yes. I’ll drive you home.”

Naglakad kami.

“Grabe akala ko ba si Ryder? Bakit kasama niya ’yung isa? Two timer yata! Kunan mo ng pic! Post natin sa fb!”

Austin walked behind me hanggang maka-balik kami sa loob. Naglalakad kami papunta sa elevator nang bigla kong makita si Ryder na naka-tingin sa amin. The smile on his face fell down. His forehead creased a little. Napa-tingin din si Austin doon. My head began to ache. Tumalikod ako sa kanilang dalawa at naglakad papunta sa fire exit. 

** This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories.

Chapter 49

Chapter 49

Nagtext ako kay Kuya Robert na sunduin niya ako sa isang coffee shop kung saan ako dumiretso paglakabas ko ng fire exit. I was not very familiar with the place, but I did not want to go back in. My head began to physically ache nang magtapat sina Austin at Ryder. I just wanted to go home.

Pagdating ni Kuya Robert na umuwi na kami. I saw Ryder’s text. I sighed and opened it.

‘Where are you?’

‘On my way home.’

‘With Austin?’

‘No.’

He left me on read tapos ay hindi na siya nagreply pa. I put my phone back inside my bag. I wanted to sleep because I still felt my brain aching, but I knew I should not be sleeping habang nasa sasakyan. Kaya naman pagdating ko sa bahay ay dumiretso na ako sa kwarto ko. I took a shorter bath than usual. I did not dry my hair. I just wanted to sleep.

I woke up earlier than usual dahil mas maaga akong natulog. Nang bumaba ako ay wala pang tao. I made myself a cup of hot chocolate and toasted bread and put butter on it tapos ay tahimik akong kumain. I put my plates back in the sink tapos ay umakyat ako sa itaas. I played with Blue and BV. They seemed like they were in a better mood. That’s good.

Pagbalik ko sa kwarto ay binuksan ko na iyong laptop. I saw two emails from George about the shoot details and one e-mail about the last revision she needed from me from scenes 38 and 53. I quietly did that the whole morning.

‘Why?’ I replied to Dominic’s text nang kuhanin ko iyong cellphone ko at makita ko na may message siya sa akin sa Whatsapp.

‘Bahay ka lang ba?’

‘Yes. Nagsulat ako buong umaga. I don’t go online,’ I replied, pertaining to his first message na tinatanong kung online ba ako.

‘Okay I’ll go there.’

Nag-okay lang ako kay Dominic tapos ay bumaba na ako. Pagbaba ko ay naka-tingin sa akin nang sabay sina Ate Gina at Kuya Robert. I stared at them, too. They smiled at me nang sabay.

“Ano’ng ulam?” I asked because the writing marathon made me hungry.

“May sinampalukan na paborito mo,” Ate Gina replied.

I quietly ate kahit na nakikita ko na naka-tingin silang dalawa sa akin. When I would catch them looking at me, ngingiti sa akin si Ate Gina at lalagyan ng pa kanin iyong plato ko.

“Busog na ako,” I said as she tried to put another serving of rice on my plate. Naka-tatlo na ako. I was so full. I didn’t think I could even drink water at this point without ending up with vomitting everything.

“Dessert, gusto mo?”

I shook my head. “May kailangan pa akong tapusin,” sabi ko pero bago pa man ako maka-akyat ay tinanong ako ni Ate Gina kung ano ang gusto kong meryenda. I told her that Dominic was on his way and Dominic liked banana cue, so she should prepare that.

Pagbalik na sana ako sa kwarto ko nang may magdoorbell. Lumabas ako dahil akala ko ay si Dominic na iyon. Nang buksan ko ang pinto ay si Austin ang nandoon.

“Hi,” he said, looking directly into my eyes.

“Hi,” I replied.

I counted inside my head as I waited for him to tell me why he was here. Naka-rating na ako sa fifty, pero naka-tingin lang siya sa akin.

“Karaminah,” he said.

“Yes?” I replied, wanting him to tell me what he wanted from me and for him to stop saying my name every time.

“I know you said you don’t use social media anymore…”

“Hindi na nga. Bakit?”

He drew a deep breath. He licked his lower lip. He ran his fingers through his hair.

“Did… Ryder contact you?”

“I don’t know,” I replied because Ryder texts me and my phone was on airplane mo. I just did not want to talk to him. Kapag nabasa ko na mayroong text siya ay mapipilitan akong magreply.

Napa-tingin ako sa likuran niya nang huminto iyong sasakyan ni Dominic. Imbes na bumukas iyong pinto ay ibinaba niya lang iyong salamin niya.

“Hey,” sabi niya. Tumingin si Austin sa kanya. “Are you here because of why I think you’re here?” he asked and Austin nodded. I had no idea what they were talking about. “Bye, Karaminah!” sabi ni Dominic tapos ay itinaas ulit iyong salamin habang nagda-drive siya paalis.

Naka-kunot ang noo ko sa pangyayari.

“What was that?” I asked Austin.

“There were just… pictures online.”

“What pictures?” I asked again. My phone was upstairs. And I still needed to create an account. At hindi ko rin naman alam kung ano ang hahanapin ko.

“From yesterday,” he replied. “And then some from a shooting… And then from way before.”

“I don’t understand,” I said.

“People online are saying that you’re his secret girlfriend… and some other things.”

“But I am not his secret girlfriend,” I replied. I was not his girlfriend. We were just dating.

“Probably,” sabi niya. “But he’s never posted about you.”

“It’s because of his work,” I told him because Ryder already mentioned this to me before. I understood how show business works. Mayroon siyang ka-love team. It’s how it is.

“Yes, but—” sabi niya at natigilan siyang muli nang may huminto na van. Mabilis na bumukas iyon at nakita ko si Ryder. He was looking at me and then at Austin.

“Karma,” sabi ni Ryder. “Can we talk?” he asked.

“Okay,” I replied. Tumingin ako kay Austin at nagpaalam bago ako sumakay sa sasakyan ni Ryder. He told his driver to drive to the end of the street tapos ay huminto roon. Lumabas iyong driver at naiwan kaming dalawa. He stared at me for a full minute before he sighed.

“I’m guessing he was there to talk to you about the pictures,” he said.

“Yes,” I replied.

“He knows that we’re dating—” sabi niya at saka napa-hinto. “Never mind,” he added. Umayos siya ng upo at saka tumingin sa akin. He held both of my hands. “Karma…” he called. I sat quietly and stared back at him. “My management told me that I needed to release a statement saying that the rumors aren’t true and that we’re just together because of the film we’re shooting. You… you understand why I have to do it, right?”

He told me about this before.

It made sense.

It’s his work—I did not want to interfere with his work.

“Yes.”

Nagpakawala siya ng malalim na hininga. Humigpit ang hawak niya sa mga kamay ko. “Thank God,” sabi niya tapos ay niyakap ako nang mahigpit. “Thank you for being so understanding,” he added. “I’m so thankful you don’t use social media. It’s full of freaking trolls.”

“Those are your fans,” I said. He earns because of them. He should be thankful.

“Yes, but still, they should know when the work stops and life begins. I could never fully live without them feeling the need to interfere,” sabi niya sa akin. Bahagyang naka-kunot ang noo niya. I did not answer because I did not agree.

I stayed inside the van. Pinabasa niya sa akin iyong statement na ginawa ng management niya. He asked for my permission before he posted it. Nang ma-post na iyon ay inihatid niya ako pabalik sa bahay and told me na may shooting na siya, but that he’d see me this Sunday para sa shoot sa film ko.

Nang maka-alis na siya ay pumasok na ako sa bahay. Agad akong napa-hinto nang makita ko si Austin doon. May pagkain sa harapan niya. Nandoon si Ate Gina sa tabi niya. Agad na napa-tayo si Austin nang makita ako.

“Ate Gina made me—”

“Ang init-init sa labas kasi kanina e nakita ko!” Ate Gina said, not letting Austin finish his sentence. “Maiwan ko muna kayo at titignan ko lang iyong labada,” she continued and left us alone.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“It’s fine,” I replied. “BV is upstairs kung gusto mo siyang makita, ibababa ko.”

“Yes,” sagot niya. “But…” he trailed off. “Are you okay?”

“Why won’t I be okay?”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “I… don’t know.”

“Then why are you asking?”

He drew a deep breath again. “I just thought because of the pictures and the things people say online.”

“Those people do not know me, so why would I care about what they say?” tanong ko sa kanya. Bata pa lang ako ay kung anu-ano na ang sinasabi sa akin ng mga tao. I knew I was different than most, but they did not understand that. To them, I was just weird. They were not interested to understand the reason why—all they cared about was what they see at face value. I tried to explain at first, but they were just hearing and not listening. People would think what they wanted to think. Why would I exhaust myself from trying to change that?

“What will he do?” he asked.

“He release a statement about it saying that we’re just friends.”

“That’s it?”

“Yes.”

“Wow.”

“Why?”

“Nothing,” he said, shaking his head. He looked at me. There was this expression on his face. “I just… feel like it’s unfair.”

“Why is it unfair?”

“That he’s denying and hiding you and you’re just okay with it.”

“Ano’ng gusto mong gawin ko? To throw a tantrum? He explained to me the situation and I understood,” I told him.

“Yes but—” sabi niya at napa-tigil. “And those pictures… you’re always going to his shooting.”

“Because he asked me to go there.”

“It feels unfair.”

“How is it unfair, Austin?”

“I don’t know.”

“He told me what he wanted from me and I’m giving it to him.”

“Why couldn’t you do this before?”

“I was trying,” I replied. “But you didn’t wait and you told me you wanted to be just friends.”

Namula iyong paligid ng mga mata niya. Mabilis siyang nag-iwas ng tingin. But even with that position, I still saw how quickly the water around his eyes formed.

“I was tired and I didn’t think things through,” he said in a much lower voice. “I regret everything I said.”

Hindi ako nagsalita. Ano ang isasagot ko sa sinabi niya? I regretted it, too, but it was meant to happen. It did happen because it was meant to happen.

“Austin,” I said. He looked at me. Mabilis niyang pinunasan iyong gilid ng mata niya kahit wala pa namang luha na tumu-tulo. His nose was reddish. “Do you want to be friends or not?” I asked. “You told me you don’t want to be my friend, pero lagi pa rin kitang nakikita.”

He smiled a little. “I just… can’t help but gravitate towards you.”

“Ryder feels uncomfortable na kasama kita,” I told him. I already decided to limit my contact with Austin, but I figured he needed to know para hindi siya mag-isip kung bakit hindi ko siya kinakausap masyado. “He didn’t ask me na iwasan ka. I voluntarily told him that I would limit my contact.”

His forehead creased. “Can… I ask why?”

“Because I wanted to consider his feelings.”

“At my expense?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re dating,” I said. “I know I didn’t consider your feelings before. I learned from that mistake already. I don’t want to do that again. I’m trying to do it right this time. I hope you understand.”

His lips parted. He tried to say something, but he ended up saying nothing. Sabay kaming napa-tingin kina Blue at BV na bumaba ng hagdan. BV went to Austin’s feet and settled there. He crouched down and patted BV’s head.

“I missed you, too,” he told him. Tumayo siyang muli at tumingin sa akin. He smiled, but it looked forced. “Okay,” he said.

“Okay what?”

“If you don’t want to talk to me because of his feelings, fine,” sabi niya sa akin. “To be completely honest, I fucking hate this,” dugtong niya at napaawang ang labi ko dahil unang beses niya lang magmura sa harapan ko. “I like you, Karaminah Viel—I like you a lot still… but you’re driving me insane. Can’t you give me another chance?”

It took me a few seconds, but I shook my head.

“Why not?”

“I just don’t want to.”

“But with Ryder, it’s fine?”

“I needed to try again.”

“Why not with me?”

I bit the insides of my lower lip. “Because.”

“Because what?”

“Because what you did before hurt and I don’t want to get hurt again, so please leave before I cry in front of you,” sabi ko bago nagmamadaling umakyat because I was feeling that familiar feeling that he made me feel when he told me that night that he wanted to be just friends. 

** This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories.

Chapter 50

Chapter 50

“Aalis ka?” Ate Gina asked nang bumaba ako. I had not been outside in 3 days. I focused on finishing my script and planned on doing exactly that hanggang sa magbigay sa akin si George ng go signal para sa shooting. But Dominic texted last night asking kung gusto ko bang kumain sa labas ngayon, and I remembered my therapist telling me that I should grab an opportunity every now and then because the only way I’d learn to cope up is that if I’d be exposed to people outside. I asked her how often ‘every now and then’ means, but she just said that whenever I feel comfortable… but that also, I needed to go out of my comfort zone once in a while. And then I asked about ‘once in a while.’ Medyo matagal kaming nag-usap tungkol doon. I just wanted to be certain.

“Kakain kami ni Dominic.”

“Ihahatid ka ba o susunduin ka?”

“Susunduin daw ako.”

I stayed on the receiving room while I was waiting for Dominic’s text. I played with Blue and BV. I looked at BV and sighed. Maybe he misses his home. I should just email Cohen kung pwede bang sa kanya na lang si BV.

Nang magtext si Dominic ay lumabas na ako, pero pumasok pa siya para maghi kina Ate Gina at Kuya Robert. Paglapit namin sa sasakyan ay bumukas iyong bintana at nandoon si Zondra sa passenger seat. I said hi at doon ako naupo sa likuran.

“I’m sorry I crashed your lakad,” sabi ni Zondra.

“No, it’s fine,” I replied.

“Have you decided on where you want to eat?” she asked.

“Ramen,” I said.

“Okay…” she said, pouting. I’ve been around her for a while that I knew that if she’s pouting, it means she wants something but she doesn’t want to say it. Dominic tells me a lot of things about her. I feel like I was dating her, too.

“If you want to eat elsewhere, it’s fine.”

“No, it’s fine. We’ll have ramen na lang.”

“Saan mo ba gustong kumain?” I asked.

“No, ramen’s fine talaga,” she replied. “What resto? I’ll look at the menu.”

Napa-tingin ako sa rearview mirror at naka-tingin si Dominic sa aming dalawa at naka-kunot ang noo. Napa-tingin si Zondra doon at kumunot din ang noo niya.

“What? I’m not BFFs with Karma but like, I crashed this party so if it’s been decided that it’s ramen, then we’re having ramen,” she said.

“Aww… mature ka na talaga,” Dominic said. “Parang dati lang iiyak ka kapag hindi nasunod gusto mo.”

Zondra rolled her eyes. “Shut up, Miller.”

I was looking at my phone to check if there’s any email from George. Meron na nga. The shooting would start in three days. Finally. I wanted to start with the project para mas maraming time sa postproduction. I wanted to graduate, too, to explore my options. I felt like I learned a lot of things in school at mas lalo na kay George. I really liked working with her.

We went to the ramen place, but it was full. Zondra asked if I wanted to wait o kung maghahanap na lang kami ng ibang ramen restaurant. I already planned what I would order—tonkotsu shoyu ramen. I asked her if it’s okay to just wait and she said. But later on, she got bored and while we were waiting, she asked for my consent to be recorded para sa vlog niya and I agreed.

---

The next day was Sunday. I finished my last calligraphy class. I felt like I already knew everything I needed to know. I was looking for a crocheting class because that seemed to be more time-consuming. There were some days na ayokong mag-isip.

“Good morning,” bati ko kay Dr. Sena.

“Good morning,” she replied.

We began to talk about what happened with my week. I told her about Austin and our talk. She was the one who told me that I needed to tell Austin what I felt when he told me he wanted us to be friends that night. It took me a long time, but I finally did it.

“How do you feel?” she asked.

“Empty,” I replied.

“Why do you feel empty?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I used to think that if ever the time comes that I’ll be able to tell Austin how he made me feel that night, that the burden would be lighter… but that didn’t happen. I don’t feel any better. I just feel the same.”

“Are you sure you feel the same?”

“Yes.”

“But you just told me na tatlong araw kang nagkulong sa kwarto mo para magsulat.”

“Yes, but I do that normally.”

“Yes, but you don’t turn off your phone when you do that normally,” she pointed out. “You shut the world away.”

“You’re right,” I replied. “Was that me being hurt?”

“Do you feel hurt?”

“Right now, no. But when I talked to Austin, I felt that same feeling—iyong parang sumisikip iyong dibdib mo at hindi ka maka-hinga? And I was about to cry, so I asked him to leave,” I said, and sighed. “That was me being hurt.”

I write about these stories.

I knew the signs.

It’s just different when you’re the one going through the situation.

“How do I stop being hurt?”

“It does not have an on and off switch,” she replied. “You don’t just stop being hurt—sometimes, you just learn how to live with it. And sometimes, the burden doesn’t get lighter—you just get stronger.”

I stayed silent for five minutes to process everything she said. And then she asked me about Ryder.

“What about him?”

“Are you two okay?”

I nodded. “We’ll start shooting later,” sagot ko sa kanya. “Ryder’s schedule only allows him to shoot during Sundays kaya pina-adjust ko iyong session natin ng umaga.”

“Does that always happen?” she asked.

“What does always happen?” I asked back.

“You adjusting everything?”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Why does everyone keep on telling me that?”

“Because whenever we’d talk about him, napansin ko lang na laging ikaw ang nagpupunta sa kanya o inaadjust iyong schedule mo.”

“Yes, but you’re the one who told me that I needed to adjust to other people’s needs.”

“Yes, but there’s always a balance, Karaminah,” she said. “In relationships, you have to give and you have to take. Hindi pwede na isa lang. Kung isa lang ang gagawin mo, you’d end up either taking advantage or being taken advantaged of. It’s a delicate balance that can’t really be studied.”

“Then… I am being taken advantaged?”

“Do you feel like you are being taken advantaged?”

“Not really…”

“Why do you feel that way?” she asked.

I stayed quiet for a whole minute and sighed. “Because I really do not like him, so I do not really care that much,” I said and then looked at her. “Kaya ba ganoon na lang ako nasaktan nun sinabi iyon ni Austin? Because I really did like him?”

“Only you can answer that,” she replied with a small smile.

---

Pagdating ko sa set ay nag-aayos na sila. Nakita ko iyong van ni Ryder kaya alam ko na nandoon na siya.

“Nakita mo ba si Ryder?” I asked George nang maka-salubong ko siya.

“Makeup,” she replied. “Will you stay and watch?”

“It depends.”

“Depends on what?”

“I’ll tell Ryder we should stop dating because I really don’t like him.”

“Okay,” she replied. “Do you think that’ll affect the shoot?”

“I don’t think so,” sabi ko sa kanya. “Saan iyong makeup?” I asked and George pointed me at a makeshift tent. Pagpasok ko roon ay nakita ko si Ryder na binabasa iyong script. He was so focused na hindi niya narinig ang paglapit ko sa kanya. He was almost startled when I called his name.

“Can we talk?” I asked.

“Yeah, sure,” he replied. Tumayo siya at hinalikan iyong pisngi ko. I didn’t feel anything. When Austin kissed me before, I almost had sex with him. When Ryder kisses my cheek, I feel nothing.

Ryder sat back on the folding chair habang naka-tayo ako sa harapan niya. Huminga ako nang malalim. I practiced this on the way.

“I think we should stop dating,” I said.

Kumunot ang noo niya. “What?”

“We should stop dating,” I repeated. Naka-hinga ako nang maluwag. “That’s all I have to say.”

Umawang ang labi niya. Tumayo siya at saka lumapit sa akin. “Karaminah… what the hell? This came from nowhere!”

Umiling ako. “This came from everywhere,” I said and then began to tell him the reasons why we should stop dating—I was mainly quoting Dominic sa lahat ng sinabi niya sa akin dati. And by the time I ended, I was actually catching my breath dahil sa dami ng sinabi ko. Dominic really did give me a long list.

“I told you it’s about my work!” he said.

“I understand,” I replied.

“You said you understand, but you’re still using it against me,” he said. “Fine. Kung ayaw mong puntahan ako sa set, then fine. Ako na lang ang pupunta sa ’yo. And I’ll talk to my manager about us being public.”

Agad akong umiling. “Don’t do that,” I said because although I was not from showbiz, I knew that once he did that, a lot of his fans would be mad at him. It’s weird, but it’s how it works. A lot of fans see their idols as something they own. They become possessive and they get mad when someone gets in the way. And I knew he loves his work.

“But you’re forcing me to!” he replied. “If you really like me—”

“I don’t like you,” I said. I watched as his lips parted and his eyes widened. I pursed my lips. “I’m sorry. I don’t like you that way.”

I said goodbye to him at saka lumabas na ako. I told George that I would watch the shooting, but then I was banished because Ryder said that he would refuse to shoot kung nandoon ako. I was dumbfounded. I was confused the whole time habang papauwi ako sa bahay namin. I was the writer, but I was kicked out of the set.

“Akala ko manonood ka?” Kuya Robert asked.

“Akala ko rin,” I replied.

“E bakit papauwi na tayo?”

“Sabi ni Ryder hindi siya aarte kapag nandoon ako.”

“Ha?”

“I told him we should stop dating. And then he told George about his new rule.” I sighed. Makaka-nood pa kaya ako ng shooting? This was the script that I liked the most… I worked for this for years. I hoped he changes his mind. Gusto ko talagang manood.

I had nothing to do. I planned my whole week around this film. Instead, I just played with Blue and BV. And then I brought them to the vet to ask kung pwede bang palitan iyong vitamins kasi hindi naman mas gumana kumain si BV.

I was already bored. I was looking for crocheting lessons online, pero wala akong makita. Instead, I went to Youtube to watch a video instead. Maybe I would just buy my own kit and learn from Youtube tutal dito rin naman ako natuto ng Math.

When I went to the site, agad kong nakita na may bagong upload na video si Zondra. I clicked on the thumbnail dahil iyon iyong magkakasama kami nung isang araw. And then I saw the comments. Agad na napa-kunot ang noo ko nang mabasa ko na sinasabihan nila ako na ‘cheater.’ And I was also being blamed for Ryder losing his role in a film dahil nasa ospital siya ngayon dahil napaaway siya sa bar nung araw na sinabi ko sa kanya na break na kami. I was about to load more comments when suddenly, the video became unavailable.

‘Yeah she deleted the vid. She feels really guilty about it tho. She didn’t know about the Ryder thing. Sorry daw. She shouldn’t have uploaded,’ Dominic replied nang magtext ako sa kanya at nagtanong kung bakit nawala iyong video. ‘I know you won’t but just don’t look at social media, okay?’ he texted again.

And I knew I shouldn’t, but that night, I did. 

** This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories.

Chapter 51

Chapter 51

“Karma, anak,” I heard Ate Gina said from outside. “Alam ko na sinabi mo na ayaw mo ng kausap, pero tatlong araw ka ng hindi lumalabas d’yan sa kwarto mo. Pinapunta ko na rito si Dominic.”

“I’m right here,” narinig ko na sabi niya. “You know I don’t like the blame game, but you shouldn’t have read those comments.”

I held the pillow closer to my chest. Why was I so affected by the comments? Most of them were not true—not in the slightest. But they were truths there… I did date Austin. And I did date Ryder. Pero hindi naman sila sabay. And I was honest with both of them.

I knew I should not care, but I did care. This all felt different—this whole caring thing. When did I start caring about what other people think?

“I brought food. Can you unlock the door?”

“It’s not locked,” I said.

“Okay… Well, can I open the door?”

Tumayo ako at saka binuksan iyong pinto. I still did not like other people in my room. I felt like this was my sanctuary, and I really did not like it when someone invades my place.

“Well, you look like shit. Ano’ng ginawa mo ng tatlong araw?”

“I read comments. Ang dami pala nila. And I learned new sites. Do you know that there are sites dedicated sa mga chismis tungkol sa mga artista? And there are blind items, too.”

“Yeah… That’s the sucky part of showbiz, I guess,” sabi ni Dominic. “But you seriously read all comments?”

I nodded. It’s like there’s this force. Once I started, I could not stop. And even if I knew that I should stop because that’s what’s right, I couldn’t. I couldn’t consciously step backward.

“I’m so sorry,” he said.

“Why?”

“Because I know how it feels to be on the other end, and it doesn’t feel nice at all,” sabi ni Dominic.

“There was this one comment saying na magkaklase daw kami nung high school. I think she was telling the truth dahil totoo iyong iba niyang kwento. And then people started to call me retard and creepy. “

Dominic’s mouth parted. Ate Gina started to speak in Ilocano. Wala akong naintindihan sa sinabi niya. I felt my stomach grumbling kaya naman bumaba na ako. For three days, I survived by eating my granola bars and the biscuits in my room. Nagkasya din iyong isang malaking lalagyan ko ng tubig. But I was hungry. I wanted to eat rice and sinampalukan.

Binuksan ko iyong kawali.

“Kailan ka magluluto ng sinampalukan?” I asked.

“Gusto mo ba?” I nodded. “Teka lang at iluluto ko. Mag-usap muna kayong magbest friend d’yan,” she said and then hurriedly went to the dirty kitchen.

Tumingin ako kay Dominic. “Ano’ng dala mong pagkain?”

“Donut. You want to eat it before sinampalukan?”

I nodded. “Gutom na ako.”

Pumunta kami sa may garden. The fresh air felt so nice. Tatlong araw na nasa kwarto lang ako. My eyes also began to hurt at one point dahil sa tuluy-tuloy na pagbabasa ko sa screen. It was like… an addiction that needed to be fed. I was actually thankful that Dominic came. Kung hindi siya dumating ay baka kung ano na naman ang binabasa ko.

“This one’s from Zo,” he said as he placed a small strawberry cake. “Sorry daw.”

“Why is she apologizing?”

“Because she thinks it started with the vlog.”

“No, it actually started with the stolen photos sa shooting ni Ryder,” I said. It was the oldest post tungkol sa akin. Pinaka-maraming comment ay iyong sa event na kasama ko si Austin. Someone got a shot na nasa gitna ako ni Austin at ni Ryder. From that photo, kung saan-saan na naka-rating iyong kwento.

“How are you?” he asked. “I’m sorry I know you don’t like being asked this, but I’m just really worried. Ganito ka rin nung kay Austin.”

I looked at him. “Do you think I’m creepy and weird?”

“What? No!” mabilis na sabi niya. “Seriously, Karaminah, don’t believe what those Internet cowards say—they’re just mad because they’re jealous. Imagine getting both Austin and Ryder? They can never.”

I sighed and then bit on the donut. Kung isa lang iyong nagsabi, hindi ako maniniwala. But it was hundreds of comments saying the same thing.

“When did I start to care?” I asked. “If this happened when I was in first year, I really would not care. At all.”

Dominic tousled my hair. It was already messy to begin with. “Because you’re growing and maturing and all that shit,” he said. “Now that you know you care, the next thing you should practice is to dissect—you can’t listen to them all, okay? You only choose the people you’d listen to, otherwise, you’d drown in all the noise.”

“Paano ko malalaman kung kanino ako makikinig?”

He shrugged. “You listen to the people who genuinely want what’s best for you and who are rooting for your success.”

“Like my parents?”

“Yes… and Ate Gina and Kuya Robert and you know…” He paused and then cleared his throat. “Me, your best friend.”

I smiled. “Okay.”

“So, you feel better na?”

“Yes.”

“Good. But seriously, try not to read those comments. Or if you feel like you’re being pulled to read them, just shoot a text and pupuntahan kita or namin ni Zo, okay?”

I nodded. “Okay.”

Ate Gina forced Dominic na kumain din ng lunch. I asked him kung nasaan si Zo and he said she was busy unboxing things she ordered abroad. After lunch ay inaya ako ni Dominic na magpunta sa coffee shop para bumili ng coffee.

“Bakit pala nakapagkulong ka ng tatlong araw? I thought simula na ng shoot niyo?”

“Ryder said na kung nandoon ako, hindi siya magsu-shoot.”

Umawang ang labi ni Dominic. “What—seriously?” I nodded. “What a fucking loser,” he said. “Wala bang ibang pwede?”

“George really likes his approach of the character.”

“Sure, but you’re the writer! He seriously thinks he can just kick you out?”

“I was already kicked out.”

“Oh, wow. So, that’s just it? You’re kicked out of your own freaking script?”

I nodded. I planned to talk to George, but I did not think it would help. Once she’s set on something, that’s it. And I was the one who introduced Ryder to the production. It’s my doing. And I could still watch the film kapag tapos na iyong production. My only responsibility was with the script at tapos ko naman na iyon. I was basically done with my degree at this point.

While I was drinking my coffee, Dominic just ranted about what a fragile ego Ryder had and how unprofessional he was. And then I noticed someone taking my photo. Napa-tingin din si Dominic doon at kinuha na iyong gamit namin. Nang papalabas na kami ay bigla siyang huminto sa table nung mga babae na mukhang high school students pa.

“Hi,” Dominic said with a small smile. “I noticed you taking photos of me and my friend. I would just like to inform you the both of her parents are lawyers, and I honestly do not think they’d appreciate you taking her photo without her consent,” he added. “Have a great day.”

Dumiretso na kami palabas at saka pumasok sa sasakyan niya.

“You didn’t have to do that,” I told him.

“Yeah, but that’s what best friends are for,” he replied as he drove from the coffee shop. “Also, if I may ask, now that you and Ryder are finally over, do you have any plans with Austin?”

“What do you mean?”

He shrugged. “Nothing. I mean… I know the situation sucked before, but surely you two already learned from it.”

I remained silent for a minute. “I’ll actually email him about BV.”

“Why? Is he sick?”

“No, but I think he misses Cohen.”

“Then bakit si Austin ang ieemail mo and not Cohen?”

“I’ll email Cohen.”

He laughed. “Email Austin.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Email mo na.”

“I kind of shouted at him the last time we talked.”

“I’m sure he’s over it already,” Dominic replied. “And I’m even more sure that he’s worried about you. Give him a call or something.”

“Okay.”

Nagpasalamat ako kay Dominic nang ihatid niya ako pabalik sa bahay. Pagpasok ko ay nakita ko si BV. I drew a deep breath, and sent an email to Austin about BV. He quickly replied, and asked kung okay lang ba na pumunta siya.

And twenty minutes later, he was right outside of the house. He was wearing a dark blue denim pants, white fitted shirt, and white converse shoes. He looked particularly clean today.

“Hi,” he said. “Oh, hi,” sabi niya kay BV na buhat ko.

I opened the gate. Pumasok siya sa loob. Ate Gina looked so happy to see him at agad siyang tinanong kung ano ang gusto niyang meryenda. Austin said that he’ll have anything. Tapos ay pinapunta niya kami sa may garden. BV quickly settled on Austin’s lap.

“You really are the favorite.”

Napa-tingin si Austin kay BV. “I took care of him when he was still a baby,” sabi niya. “I’m sure he’ll adjust.”

“Baka magka-depression siya dito. Pwede ba siyang bumalik sa inyo na lang?” I asked.

“Yes, but I think you should give him more time to adjust. And Blue’s here.”

Napa-tingin ako kay Blue na biglang nawala at iniwan kami. He’s probably on the second floor at naka-tingin na naman sa mga dumadaan.

“Okay,” I said. “I’ll give it a week. I’ll email you again kung hindi bubuti iyong sitwasyon.”

I was staring at the pool as I basked in the silence between us. And then I heard him calling my name.

“Karaminah,” he said. I looked at him. His face looked serious. “Are… you okay?”

“Yes,” I replied. I was already feeling better because Dominic visited me. Had he asked earlier, I would have said that I was not okay.

“Good,” he said. “I was really worried.”

“Why?”

“I’m always worried.”

“Why?”

“Do I need to have a reason?” he asked.

“No,” I replied. “But thanks for worrying about me. And also, I’m sorry for getting you dragged into this mess. My sincerest apologies.”

“No need to apologize,” sabi niya. Tumingin ulit ako sa pool, but even when I was doing that, I felt him staring at me. He was staring the whole time hanggang sa dumating na iyong meryenda namin na banana cue and orange juice. I began eating. He was still staring.

“Do you need something?” I asked.

He drew a deep breath. “Is it true?” he asked. “That… you and Ryder are over?”

I nodded. “Yes,” I replied as I began to eat my banana cue. I quietly ate it. Nang mapa-tingin ako sa kanya ay naka-tingin lang siya sa akin. Ni hindi pa niya nagagalaw iyong banana cue niya.

“Really?” he asked.

“Really what?”

“You’re really done with him?”

I nodded. “I told him last Sunday na we should stop dating,” I said. “I’m still hungry. Hihiningi lang ako ng banana cue,” sabi ko at saka pumunta ako sa kusina para kumuha ng banana cue pa. Pagbalik ko ay ganoon pa rin ang itsura niya kagaya nang iniwan ko siya kanina.

Naubos ko na iyong pangalawang banana cue ko pero hindi pa rin nagagalaw ni Austin iyong banana cue niya.

“Ayaw mo ba?” I asked.

“I’ll eat it, I promise,” he replied. “So… you’re single.”

“Yes.” He smiled. It was so wide. His teeth are really nice. I’d always been fascinated with his teeth. “Why are you smiling?” I asked. “Are you wearing veneers?”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “No,” he replied. “Karaminah Viel,” he said.

“Yes?” I said.

“I know the problem before was that I was not able to communicate what I wanted, and like you, I am working on it,” he said. “So… I just want to tell you what I want.”

I stared at him and waited sa kung anuman ang sasabihin niya. He clasped his hands together. He was staring at me. The sun was already beginning to set. The sky was a beautiful mixture of blue and purple.

“I want to date you again. And I know you just ended things with Ryder and you probably need time… but I honestly feel like we wasted enough time already. And I’m really sure that I still feel the same—if not more. I just really want you back. That’s what I want.”

I began to hear my heart beating again.

Kinakabahan ako.

“What if you hurt me again?”

“What if I don’t?” he asked back.

I did not want to go through that again if I could… but I knew that me not getting hurt was next to impossible. I write about this. I knew hurting is a part of loving. But writing about it is way different than experiencing it. And when I experienced it, I felt all these raw emotions that just took over even when I didn’t know that what I was feeling was this thing called pain.

Austin could do that to me.

He has that power over me—did he know that? Was he aware of the hold he has of me?

“We’ll do it better this time,” he said.

I looked at him. “Can you promise me one thing?”

“Anything.”

“If you want to leave me again, please don’t do it on Christmas season,” I said. “It’s my favorite holiday,” I continued as I smiled at him. “But yes, let’s try again.”

** This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories.

Chapter 52

Chapter 52

Austin wanted to have dinner with me the next day. He said na pupunta siya sa bahay ng 6PM para sa reservation namin. I did ask him if there’s a dress code, and he said that we wouldn’t go somewhere formal. I settled with white culottes, rust boxed shirt na naka-tuck in, and white flat strappy heels. I wore the Cartier love bracelet.

Pagbaba ko ay wala pa sila Mama. I told them via message na aalis kami ni Austin. They just asked kung kami na ba ulit. I told them we’re dating again. They said I should be home before midnight.

Five minutes to 6PM ay dumating na si Austin. He was wearing a khaki chinos, white Hermes polo shirt, and dark blue boat shoes. He said hello kina Ate Gina at Kuya Robert tapos ay lumabas na kami. He smelled like Tom Ford again.

“You’re wearing it,” Austin said nang mapa-tingin siya sa kamay ko. It was his Christmas gift. Kagabi ko lang binuksan iyon pagkatapos kong hanapin sa may storage room. Hindi ko binuksan dati.

Napa-hawak ako sa bracelet ko. “Yes. Thank you for this,” sabi ko kahit late na. “This is too expensive.”

“Looks good on you,” he said.

“Thank you,” I replied. “But if you’ll give me a gift again, please nothing too expensive.”

“Okay,” sabi niya. “Do you have a budget in mind?”

“Hmm… basta hindi aabot ng lagpas ten thousand,” I said. “Kapag nagkaroon na ako ng magandang trabaho, pwede nating taasan iyong price ceiling.”

“Noted. But I like that we’re planning for the future.”

Nang nagda-drive na siya at saka niya sinabi sa akin na sa Tagaytay kami pupunta. He made a reservation sa Antonio’s and told me he sent the menu sa email ko. I was looked at the menu and quickly decided.

“That was quick,” he said.

“I’m learning how to be quicker with my decisions.”

“I hope you’re not sacrificing what you really want just so you could decide quicker.”

Umiling ako. “No,” sabi ko. “I just feel like I know myself better now kaya mas mabilis na akong magdesisyon.”

Ate Gina asked me kung bakit ang bilis kong pumayag na makipagdate ulit kay Austin—and she also mentioned that in no way should I construe what she said as her being boto kay Ryder. She was very clear that she did not like him, but was only tolerating him dahil sa akin. I simply told her that I know that I like Austin. And he told me we’ll do it better this time. It was an easy decision.

“Happy to hear that,” sabi niya habang saglit na tumingin sa akin at ngumiti bago ibinalik iyong atensyon sa kalsada.

We arrived with only five minutes to spare dahil sa traffic. We were escorted to our table. I placed my order first tapos ay si Austin namin.

“Why?” I asked because he was smiling while looking at me.

“I miss having dinners with you.”

“Wala ka bang kasamang magdinner dati?”

“Sometimes with my family or with friends,” he said. “But I like dinners with you the most.”

“Why?”

He shrugged. “Because you’re my favorite person,” he said and then he averted gaze.

I stared at him. I like spending time with him. I like talking to him. I like staring at him. I like having him around. I like holding his hand—it’s been so long since I held his hand. I like kissing him—will he kiss me tonight?

“You’re my favorite person, too,” I said as I came up with that conclusion.

Napa-tingin siya sa akin. Even with the orange tone of the lights around us, kita ko na bahagyang namula iyong mukha niya.

“Really?” he asked.

I nodded. “You are the first,” sabi ko sa kanya. “Dominic is a close second because he’s my best friend. Tie sa third place sina Ate Gina at Kuya Robert. My parents are on a different category because they are my parents,” I continued. “Also Blue, Violet, and BV. They’re in the same category as my parents,” I explained.

Tumango siya. “I am honored.”

“I am honored to be your favorite person, as well,” sagot ko sa kanya.

While waiting for the food to be served, Austin and I talked about his work. He sounded very proud of what he was doing. I quietly listened. In one of my sessions with Dr. Sena, nabanggit ko sa kanya na sinabi ni Austin sa akin na interesado siya sa history. That made me realize that I really did not know much about his interests. So now, I would make the conscious effort to listen and learn about the things that he like. And now, it’s obvious that he’s very passionate about international relations. I was knowledgeable on that area because of my mother. So, while waiting for the food, we did talk about some international conflicts. We agreed on some policies, and politely agreed to disagree on some. It was a nice conversation. Very educating. I did learn a lot from him. It’s nice to hear the perspective from the other side because otherwise, it’ll be just an echo chamber of the same noise.

“Are you cold?” he asked habang nasa may Tagaytay Starbucks kami. It was the middle of the week kaya wala masyadong tao.

“Yes.”

“I’ll just get my jacket,” he replied tapos ay bumalik siya sa sasakyan para kuhanin iyong jacket niya. I stayed there and looked at the view before me. It’s so beautiful and serene here. Nagpasalamat ako kay Austin nang bumalik siya at ipatong niya sa balikat ko iyong jacket. It smelled like him.

“You’re graduating this sem, right?”

“Yes,” I replied. “Once matapos iyong final requirement, tapos na ako sa degree ko.”

“What final requirement?”

“The short film.”

“Oh. How is it?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Why don’t you know?” he asked and then I told him about what happened with Ryder. Austin’s reaction was almost similar with Dominic’s expect Dominic said some expletives while Austin was just in deep scowl.

“Wow,” he said. “He can’t do that.”

“Apparently he can,” I replied as I sipped my hot chocolate. I remained silent. I did talk to George and she said that I should talk to Ryder. She did send me a clip of Ryder, and she was right—he’s perfect for the role. I should not let my hurt feelings interfere with work.

“Let’s not talk about that,” sabi ko kay Austin.

“Okay,” he replied. “What are we going to talk about?”

I shrugged. “Anything. Do you want to talk about the oil crisis in Middle East?”

His lips parted. “Oh, that… I’m really sorry about that. I promise once you see my family again, you can talk about anything. You can have a debate with my father for all I care.”

“I don’t want to have a debate with your father.”

“He’s a really good debater.”

“He should debate with my mom.”

“You know what? That’s a great idea.”

And then we talked about our family and he told me about what’s happening with his siblings. And then we talked about him living alone.

“Do you like living alone?” I asked.

“Yes. I like the silence.”

“Maingay ba sa inyo?”

He chuckled. “When Psalm and Maggie were around, definitely. But there are lots of other people,” sabi niya.

“Yeah, I noticed. Nandoon din iyong mga guards niyo?”

“Yes. They lived in the guest house. But I don’t have guards now.”

“Wala na?”

He nodded. “It’s only required when we were still studying,” sabi niya sa akin. “After that, it’s up to us. I think I’ll be fine. It’s not like I am doing anything dangerous.”

“You just work in the embassy with Sofie,” I said.

Kumunot ang noo niya. “She’s a friend,” he replied.

“Okay,” I said.

“She did tell me, however, that she likes me, but I was very clear that I wasn’t interested that way,” he replied. Tumingin siya sa akin. “In case I wasn’t clear—it’s because I like you, “ he said, saying the word ‘you’ rather differently.

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

---

We finished our drinks and stayed there for another 10 minutes before we drove back. Wala ng traffic. Naka-rating kami sa subdivision ng 11PM.

“Your curfew’s midnight, right?” I nodded. “Can we walk around first?”

Lumabas kaming dalawa. We were walking side by side. Our hands were touching and he’d look at me kapag nangyayari iyon. I drew a deep breath and then reached for his hand and held it. Napa-tingin siya sa akin. I looked up to him. I forgot how tall he really was. His hand covered mine.

“Thank you,” he said as he was intertwining our fingers.

It was a starless sky, but the wind did feel nice. Napa-daan kami sa may playground. Austin was heading there kaya naman napapa-sama ako. But it’s been years since I last went here. I just didn’t like going here because my last memory of this place was me staying behind after he left. I just sat there for hours and looked at the sky. I didn’t even know that what I was feeling at that time was called heartbreak.

It wasn’t a good feeling.

Austin sat on the swing. I just stood there and looked at him. Tumayo siya at saka lumapit sa akin.

“I know this is the place where I hurt you,” he said.

“Yeah, I don’t really like this place anymore.”

“I’m sorry,” he said.

I drew a deep breath. I needed to be okay with this. I could not pass by this place and think about that again and again. Austin already apologized. I should not live in the past. I needed to move forward.

Naupo ako sa may swing. Austin stood behind me and gently pushed the swing. But then the rain started to slowly pour kaya naman napa-hanap kami ng masisilungan. There was this slide and behind that was the ladder. Pumunta kami sa gitna kung saan mayroong masisilungan. Austin looked at his watch.

“Do you think we should wait for the rain to stop pouring? But it’s already quarter to midnight. I don’t want to push it.”

I was looking up. He really was tall. Napa-tingin siya sa akin at saka kumunot ang noo. “What?” he asked.

“Did you get taller?” I asked.

“No, I don’t think so,” he said. “Why?”

“You feel taller.”

“Really? I’ll measure myself tomorrow and I’ll update you.”

The rain poured harder. I sent a text to my parents na nandito na kami sa subdivision, pero nasa playground kami. They said to just wait it out. Akala ko ay ipapa-sundo niya kami kay Kuya Robert. Maybe he’s sleeping already.

“Austin,” I called.

“What?”

“Now that we’re dating again, are the rules the same?”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “What do you mean?”

“You said before that we should not kiss again until we’re in a relationship,” I said, remembering the exact words he said because I was so disappointed that night.

His lips parted. “Kiss,” he said… but more like whispered. Hindi ko masyadong narinig iyon dahil sa lakas ng pagbuhos ng ulan.

I nodded. “Yes. Are we allowed to kiss or should we wait until we’re formally in a relationship?” I asked.

I saw him gulping. And then he tried to run his fingers through his hair, but he could not because we’re in a tight space. I was standing two inches away from him. I was looking up as I spoke to him.

“The right thing is to say yes,” he said. “But also, I really want to kiss you right now,” he continued as he was looking right into my eyes.

“I want to kiss you, too,” I replied.

He looked like he was not breathing. “Should we… kiss?”

I nodded. “We should,” I said. “But I can’t reach you.”

Hindi katulad sa sinehan na nasa upuan kami kaya madali ko siyang mahalikan. We’re both standing and there’s nowhere for me to sit down.

“I’ll adjust,” he said as he leaned in and kissed me. Our lips touched for three seconds before we started to kiss. It felt just like before but with more urgency. He was kissing me slowly at first but then he kissed me faster and deeper. His hands were cupping my face. I could not breath, but I did not want to stop. I had to quickly learn how to breathe without stopping myself from kissing him.

And then somewhere in the middle of it all, he picked me up, made me wrap my legs around his waist, at saka isinandal iyong likuran ko sa may metal na hagdan. I was sure that the next day, I’d have stair-shaped bruise on my back, but at that moment, that really was the least of my concerns. 

** This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories.

Chapter 53

Chapter 53

It was Saturday, and Austin was invited by my parents to have lunch in our house. Austin initially agreed, but had to cancel the last minute because he had a function he needed to attend. He kept on apologizing to me. I kept on telling him that it was okay. It was his work. I understood that that comes first.

“Karaminah,” Mama said.

Tumingin ako sa kanya. “Yes?” I replied. Nasa dining room kami at kumakain ng pagkain. There were lots of food na inihanda dahil sa pagpunta sana ni Austin dito. Maybe I should message Dominic para sabihin na maraming pagkain dito—he loved Ate Gina’s food.

“I read some things on the Internet,” she said.

“You read on gossip sites?” I asked because that was rather unexpected. My mother would be the last person I’d think na nagbabasa sa ganong site. Growing up, she was more interested on reading journals and research.

“No, of course not,” she replied. “Jackie, my paralegal, you remember her?” she asked, and I nodded. “Told me about the news circulating around the Internet nowadays.”

I nodded.

“So, I just want to ask—are you okay?” Napa-tingin si Papa sa kanya tapos ay sa akin. Mama was just looking at me. “Stop staring at me,” sabi niya kay Papa na hindi huminto at naka-tingin pa rin sa kanya.

“I’m okay,” I said.

Dominic was right—there were lots of voices, but I needed to listen only to those who matter. Dominic, Ate Gina, Kuya Robert, and Austin all told me that I was not creepy and weird. I should believe them kaysa sa mga tao na hindi naman ako kilala.

“Okay,” Mama replied.

“But thank you for asking,” I said. Before, I did not like it when people would repeatedly ask me if I was okay… but I was fine with it now. They’re just worried about me. I should be happy that people cared enough to be worried.

After that lunch, I played with Blue and BV outside. Tapos ay bumalik na ako sa kwarto ko. I continued my research tungkol sa kung saang crocheting class ako mag-eenroll. Ngayon na hindi na ako pwedeng manood sa shooting, I had more time on my hands. I needed to be busy.

At 2:30PM, nagtext si Austin at sinabi sa akin na tapos na raw iyong function na pinuntahan niya. He also asked me kung free ba ako at pwede ba siyang pumunta sa amin. I told him yes, and also said na mayroon pang pagkain na natira, if he was interested in that.

“Hi,” I said when he arrived five minutes after 3PM.

“Hi,” he replied with a smile.

Pagpasok namin sa labas ay nagbigay siya kay Ate Gina ng pandesal. My parents went to a meeting. Austin apologized again, but I just assured him again that it was fine. Growing up, my parents would always cancel on me dahil sa trabaho nila. It was okay because it’s work. It was not like they just decided that they wanted to abandon me.

“Thank you po,” Austin said nang maupo siya sa may dining room. Iniwan na kami nila Ate Gina at nagsabi na nandoon lang sila sa may bahay nila sa likuran kung may kailangan kami.

“Did your parents say something?”

“About what?”

“Me cancelling,” he replied. “You prepared a lot of food.”

I nodded. “I’ll text Dominic kung gusto niyang kumuha ng pagkain,” sabi ko. Austin nodded and then continued to eat. “Wala namang sinabi sila Mama.”

He nodded. “There was an ambassador who arrived and we were invited to the welcome party,” he said.

“That’s work?”

“Yes. My work is basically trying to network with people,” sabi niya sa akin. “But I meet a lot of interesting people,” he continued and then told me about some of the things he learned today about the culture of Argentina dahil iyon iyong pinuntahan niya ngayon.

Nang matapos kaming kumain ay naglakad-lakad kami sa labas. Makulimlim iyong langit ngayon. We brought an umbrella with us dahil baka umulan na naman. The last time that it rained and we were stranded, umabot kami hanggang 1AM sa may playground.

“What’s your plan tomorrow?” he asked while we were walking. He was holding the umbrella with his right hand and his left hand was holding mine.

“I have a session with Dr. Sena,” I replied.

“Can I ask what for?”

“For my ASD,” I said. “I think I am getting better. Sa tingin mo?” I asked because a part of the reason why I started therapy again was because of him. It would be nice to get his feedback.

“Why did you start therapy again?” he asked.

“Because you said I wasn’t meeting you halfway,” I replied. “I really was not aware that that was how you were feeling. It forced me to look at myself, and realized that I needed to go to therapy again.”

We walked in silence hanggang sa maka-rating kami sa may swing. He looked at me.

“Can I apologize again for saying that before?”

“But it was the truth—why would you apologize for saying the truth?”

“Because I could’ve phrased it better.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I was tired. And hurt. And frustrated. It was not a good combination,” he said. He looked at me and then he let go of my hand to touch my cheek. “I’m sorry I ruined Christmas then. I promise to make this Christmas extra special.”

“How?” I asked.

“I’ll think about it,” he said. “I still have a few months left to plan,” he continued. “But if you have any suggestion, throw it my way.”

We went to the seesaw, but it was not for us dahil laging nasa itaas lang ako. He was taller and bigger than me—this was definitely not for us.

“Saan tayo pupunta?” I asked nang naglalakad na kami paalis sa playground. It did not rain this time. Ang ganda rin ng paglubog ng araw.

“I told Ate Gina earlier that I’ll be bringing dinner.”

“Okay.”

“We just have to pick it up from the resto,” sabi niya at saka dumiretso kami sa sasakyan niya. It was quiet in the car. Tumingin sa akin si Austin nang huminto kami dahil sa traffic lights. “You can choose the song.”

“Oh, okay,” I said as I began to look for a station, but Austin handed me his phone. Naka-bukas na iyon sa may Spotify.

“Whatever we did before, we can still do it now, right?”

“Like?”

“You can choose the song to play in the car. You also gets to decide where we’ll eat.”

“I’m actually working on that,” sabi ko sa kanya. “I don’t have to decide days before—basta lang makikita ko iyong menu at least 30 minutes, so that I can decide.”

He nodded. “Noted. What else?” he asked. “So that I can adjust, too.”

Sinabi ko sa kanya iyong mga naging pagbabago—na nagrereply ako palagi and I don’t cancel dates anymore unless there’s a real and pressing reason to kagaya nung sa trabaho niya. Also, I told him that if he wanted something from me and if he was not getting it, he should ask me… although I would be trying to be more perceptive. Mas gumagaling na ako sa pagbabasa ng mukha. I thought I could tell kung galit ba siya dahil sa pagkunot ng noo niya. But it’s easy to tell when he’s happy because he does this smile—and for some reason, it makes me feel happy, too.

“You don’t have to answer my texts if you don’t feel like answering,” he said.

“But you said before na kung hindi ka gumagawa ng effort, hindi tayo mag-uusap. I want to be proactive.”

Umandar na ulit iyong sasakyan. Austin was looking in front of us. I was watching as he maneuvered the steering wheel. The veins on his hands became more protruding as compared to before.

“Just reply when you want to reply,” he said. “Change or improve if you want to—but please don’t do it because of me,” he added. “I really like you for who you are, Karaminah Viel. Please don’t think you have to change anything about you.”

I nodded. “Okay,” I said.

“Okay,” he replied, glancing at my direction and smiling at me gently.

Pagdating namin sa may restaurant ay naghintay pa kami para sa order niya. We got inside and we sat on the waiting area. Napa-tingin ako sa isang gilid. I saw one teenager pointing her phone at our direction. I would not think any of it, but she quickly hid her phone nang makita niya na naka-tingin ako. Tumingin din si Austin doon.

“I think she’s taking photos of us,” sabi ko kay Austin. He’s about to get dragged into this mess again. I did not feel good when I read all those things about myself on the Internet—I did not want him to go through that, too.

“Do you want me to go talk to her?”

“No,” I said.

“Why?”

“Because I can’t control what people say about me online,” I said. “But I can control who I listen to.”

Austin looked at me and then his right hand touched my cheek and he smiled at me while he was doing that.

After ten minutes, dumating na iyong order ni Austin. We stood up and there were three paperbags. Ako iyong nagbuhat nung isa at dala-dala ni Austin iyong dalawa. Naglakad kami palabas ng restaurant pabalik sa sasakyan niya.

“Thank you,” he said as I clicked the key fob that was dangling sa may sabitan sa may pantalon niya. Inilagay namin iyong mga paperbag sa may passenger seat.

“Karaminah Viel,” pagtawag niya.

“Yes?” I replied.

“When will you call me Austin Archangel

again?“ he asked while he was driving out of the parking.

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Why?”

“It just feels different when you’re just calling me Austin.”

“But that’s your name.”

“I know.”

“Do you want me to call you by your full name?” I asked because I just realized that his name was a mouth full. I got used to it, though… but it took a lot of therapy sessions to unlearn his name.

“If you want to,” he said.

“I will try,” I replied. “Do you want to know why I’m not calling you that anymore?” I asked because maybe he did want to know… And maybe I’d show him the box full of papers with his name written on it.

“Do I want to know?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I replied.

“Do you want to tell me?”

“Can I think about it?”

“Of course,” sabi niya sa akin. “Don’t tell me things you don’t feel comfortable sharing,” he continued. “I’ll listen to whatever you wanna say.”

“Thank you.”

“My pleasure,” he replied, looking at me and smiling. “But… if you don’t want to say my name, can you call me anything else but Austin?”

“Why? What’s wrong with your name?”

“Nothing,” he said. “But… I’m not used to you calling me that. It feels like something’s wrong.”

“Do you want me to call you Aus?” tanong ko dahil iyon ang tawag sa kanya nila Saint. “Or Arch? Archangel?”

“No.”

“AA? For Austin Archangel?”

“Hmm…”

“Do you want me to call you GDL kagaya ng mga supporters mo?” I asked, although frankly, that could be confusing dahil sa kanilang magkakapatid. When someone yells GDL, lahat sila ay lumilingon.

“No.”

“What do you want me to call you, then?”

Hindi siya naka-sagot hanggang sa maka-balik kami sa bahay. He pulled over in front of our house. I unbuckled the seatbelt, and then looked at him.

“Kung hindi mo maisip ngayon, kahit itext mo na lang sa akin kapag naisip mo,” I said because I knew the feeling na hindi mo maisip iyong gusto mo. It was bothering.

Pagpasok namin sa loob ay inilagay na sa plato iyong dala naming pagkain. It was still hot dahil diretso galing sa resto. My parents arrived shortly after that. We had dinner. My parents were very interested in Austin’s career. Sila iyong nag-usap at tahimik lang ako hanggang sa matapos iyong dinner namin. And then after that, nagpaalam kami na lalabas lang kami para maglakad-lakad sa subdivision. Austin offered a mint, and I accepted. The wind was cold, but Austin’s hand was warm. We were holding hands. His hand felt warm against mine.

“I’ll drive you to your therapy tomorrow if it’s okay,” sabi niya habang naglalakad kami.

“Okay,” I said.

“And then let’s go to the shooting.”

“Hindi ako pwede.”

“You’re the writer.”

“Ryder said that I can’t come.”

“Well, he’d just have to live with it,” sabi niya. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. “We’ll go there and you’ll watch the shooting,” he added. “I know how important this is to you. Do you want to watch?” he asked.

I nodded. “Pero kung ayaw ni Ryder, wala akong magagawa.”

“Do you trust me?”

“Very much.”

He smiled as he caressed my left cheek with his hand. “Thank you for the trust,” he said as we stopped in the parking lot. It was already 9PM. Wala ng tao rito. Austin looked around. “Now, can we kiss?” he asked, and I nodded tapos ay dumiretso kami roon sa may likuran ng slide.

** This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories.

Chapter 54

Chapter

54

Ni hindi ako nakapagsalita nang bigla akong hatakin ni Ate Gina papunta sa may bahay nila sa likuran. I just went downstairs to eat breakfast. It was Sunday. My parents were here. Kakain kami ng breakfast. Then, I would wait for Austin to drive me to therapy tapos ay sinabi niya na pupunta kami sa shoot.

“Ano ba ’yang bata ka!” she said. My forehead was creased. I had no idea what she was talking about. She just pulled me with her without saying anything. “Nako magpasalamat ka talaga at ako ang unang naka-kita sa ’yo kundi magpaalam ka na sa ‘late night walks’ niyong dalawa ni Austin! Ganyan pala ang ginagawa niyo, ha!” she said as she pulled a drawer open at saka naglabas siya ng concealer. She asked me to hold my hair habang may nilalagay siya na concealer sa may leeg ko.

“What are you doing?”

“Nililigtas ko ang magulang mo sa pagka-bigla.”

“Ano ba ’yung nasa leeg ko?” I asked. There was no mirror around.

“Ano ba ’yang si Austin? Gold fish ba ’yan?” she replied, not really answering my question. I stood there for five minutes before she told me na tapos na siya. She said na ilugay ko iyong buhok ko at saka ’wag kong hahawakan iyong parte na iyon para hindi raw mawala iyong make-up. Hindi kasi masyadong kakulay daw ng balat ko kaya mahahalata nila Mama kapag tinitigan.

“Karaminah Viel,” she said, holding me by my shoulders. “Dalaga ka na talaga.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Matagal na,” I said.

She shook her head and she looked like she was about to cry. “Basta ha, mag-iingat kayo ni Austin,” she said.

“We’re always careful,” I replied. Austin wouldn’t even drive when the traffic lights are orange. He didn’t want to beat the red light. And he wouldn’t drive hanggang hindi naka-suot iyong seatbelt ko.

We returned to the house, and we ate our breakfast. After that ay nakipaglaro ako kay BV and Blue. BV was becoming more energetic as compared to before where he seemed to be lethargic. I fed them and gave them the new toys I bought for them. Then they walked out on me.

Austin picked me up after lunch. I was wearing a loose jeans that I folded up to my ankle, white shirt mataas iyong neckline and naka-tuck in, a black belt, and white Oran sandals. Suot ko rin iyong binigay niya na bracelet. Hindi ko iyon matanggal dahil nasa kanya iyong screwdriver. I told him na ibabalik ko sa kanya iyong bracelet kapag gusto niyang maging friends na lang kami. I didn’t feel comfortable keeping such an expensive gift.

Pagbaba ko ay kausap ni Ate Gina si Austin na mapula iyong mukha. The shade of red on his face was the same shade of maraschino cherries.

“Are you sick?” I asked because his face and his ears were red.

“No,” he replied.

“Mag-iingat kayo, hane,” sabi ni Ate Gina. Austin nodded.

Paglabas namin ay dumiretso kami sa sasakyan niya. I immediately buckled my seatbelt because of Ate Gina’s reminder to be careful.

Austin drove me to Dr. Sena’s clinic. He stayed in the car habang nasa therapy ako. I just talked to Dr. Sena about what was happening in my life. I was more at ease. I just told her about Austin and how I was worried about what would happen after college.

“Done?” tanong niya nang maka-balik ako sa sasakyan.

“Yes,” I replied. Inabutan niya ako ng tumbler. “Is this for me?”

“Yes,” he said. “Got you a tumbler because I didn’t know for how long the therapy’s going to be, and I didn’t want the ice to melt.”

“Thank you,” I replied. That was thoughtful of him.

Austin didn’t ask me kung ano ang pinag-usapan namin sa therapy. He asked me kung saan iyong shooting. I told him kung saan iyong shooting based doon sa calendar ng shoot sa google calendar. It was outside the metro, so we arrived at 4:09PM. Nakita agad namin iyong set-up. They were currently filming.

My lips parted. “That’s act 19,” I said.

“Let’s go,” he said.

“We can stay here,” sabi ko sa kanya. Ryder looked so convincing… Tama nga si George sa pagpili sa kanya. He was so good. I wasn’t seeing Ryder, but the character doon sa scene na pinag-uusapan nila na burned out na iyong lead actress at pinag-iisipan niya kung uuwi na siya.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Yes,” I replied as I was still watching the confrontation scene. It looked so good… if only I could hear them say the lines I wrote. But I needed to stay here dahil baka mawala sa mood si Ryder kapag pumunta ako roon.

Austin and I stayed in his car habang pinapanood namin. Naka-apat na take sila sa scene na iyon dahil nagkakamali iyong babaeng lead, but Ryder was very professional at inuulit niya lang iyong ginagawa niya.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go there, so you can hear the lines?” he asked.

“I don’t want to get Ryder out of the zone,” sagot ko sa kanya.

“But it’s your script.”

“I know,” I replied.

“You can demand to be there.”

“Maybe,” I said. “But I don’t want to.”

Remembering Ryder’s face when I told him I wanted to stop dating, I remembered how I felt when Austin told me that he wanted to be friends. That hurt. At that time, I didn’t know that it hurt… But Ryder knew that it hurt. Kaya nga napa-away siya sabi ng mga fans niya.

I hurt him.

I needed to distance myself and to respect his healing process. Everyone around me kept on telling me that Ryder didn’t really like me dahil ako ang pinapa-punta niya sa shooting nila. I disagreed. He really did like me. He’s just got a different way of showing it kagaya ng ibang pagpapakita ko ng pagka-gusto ko kay Austin. And he never demanded that I go to him—he always asked me. It was my choice to accommodate him, so if there was anyone to blame, it would be me.

We stayed to watch another scene which was a party scene kaya dumami iyong mga tao. There was a kissing scene, too, but it seemed like the female lead was having problems, so George stepped in and did a demonstration with Ryder.

“Watching this feels weird,” Austin said.

“There’s a love scene after,” sabi ko.

Tumingin sa akin si Austin. “You… wrote a love scene?”

I nodded. “The story calls for it,” sabi ko.

“Will… we stay for that?” he asked.

“I don’t think we’ll see that,” sabi ko sa kanya dahil ang policy ni George kapag ganoon ay iyong essential crew lang ang nasa set para kumportable iyong mga artista.

Nagstay kami hanggang sa may lumapit sa amin na member ng crew, si Jea.

“Karma!” she said nang ibaba namin iyong bintana dahil kumatok siya. “Kanina ka pa?”

“Yes.”

“Dun ka sa tent,” she replied. “Also, pwede paatras ’tong sasakyan kasi may iseset-up para sa scene, e.”

“Sure,” Austin replied. Tumingin siya sa akin. “You wanna go out?” he asked.

“Sama ka na,” sabi ni Jea. “Kailangan pa ng tao para sa party scene. Sama kayo ni Austin.”

“Busy ba si Ryder? I’ll talk to him first.”

Tumingin si Jea. Kausap pa ni George iyong lead. “Wait tawagin ko,” she said tapos ay umatras si Austin at huma-hanap ng ibang parking.

When we saw Jea walking towards us ay lumabas ako ng sasakyan. Austin stayed inside the car, but he told me kung pupunta ako roon ay sasamahan niya ako.

“Tinanong ko, pero ’di sumagot,” Jea said.

“I understand.”

“Di rin naman nagsabi na ’wag kang papuntahin?”

“I’ll just watch the movie when it’s done.”

“Okay…” sabi ni Jea.

Bumalik na ako sa sasakyan. Austin asked me kung manonood ba kami, but instead, I told him that we should head back to Manila. Tapos ay dumaan kami sa isang restaurant para kumain. I placed my order after Austin decided kung ano ang kakainin niya. We were waiting for our food when Austin got his phone. His forehead was in deep crease. I didn’t ask him what was wrong because that was his phone and his privacy.

“Karaminah Viel,” he said.

“Yes?” I replied.

“I know you said you don’t care about this… but I hate reading things like this about you,” sabi niya.

“What things?”

“There are some pictures from earlier,” he stated. I remained quiet. “They’re tagging me saying you went there to get back together with Ryder.”

“That’s not true.”

“I know. But they’re implying that you were begging and that he basically threw you out.”

I remained silent.

“Do you care?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“What do you want to do?” tanong ko dahil siya naman ang may pakielam. I had been doing this exercise para hindi ako makinig sa mga ingay sa paligid ko. I had been doing really well. I only really listen to the people who cared about me, and I tuned out everybody else.

“Can… I post a picture of you?”

“And that will solve your problem?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “But maybe it’ll tell them to backoff knowing that we’re together and you’re not ‘begging’ to get back with Ryder.”

“Okay,” I replied. “If that’s what you want.”

“Do you want to see before I post?”

Umiling ako. “But do you have pictures of me to post?”

He nodded. “Yes—the ones from before and the ones from now. I also want to take stolen photos, but I feel like I need permission… so, can I take candid photos of you?”

I shrugged. “Sure,” sabi ko sa kanya tapos ay mabilis niya akong kinuhanan ng picture habang nagsasalita pa ako. My mouth was probably hanging wide open, but if it makes him happy, then so be it. It’s just a picture, anyway.

The food arrived and I really enjoyed the mushroom risotto and the fillet mignon. Austin got the seared scallops and carbonara. After dinner ay nagpasama si Austin na pumunta sa mall dahil may bibilhin siya para sa condo niya.

“This or this?” he asked while showing me two different rugs.

“I don’t know,” I replied. “Hindi ko naman alam itsura ng condo mo, so I don’t know what will fit.”

He nodded. “Do… you want to go visit my condo?”

“Okay,” I replied. “When?”

“Tomorrow?”

“Okay. After ng work mo?”

“Yes. I’ll pick you up after work. You wanna have dinner there?”

“Marunong kang magluto o oorder tayo?”

“I’ve been watching Hell’s Kitchen,” he replied. “I wanna try making a steak.”

“Okay,” I said. “I think it’s hard to mess up a steak.”

His lips parted. “Oh, is that a challenge I am hearing, Karaminah Viel?”

I shook my head. “Not at all. I am looking forward to the steak, Austin.” He frowned. “Why?” I asked, and then I remembered him texting me saying that if I would consider it, he’d like me to call him baby but it felt weird. He’s not a baby—he’s a giant, if any.

I drew a deep breath. He really wanted this. I would try.

“Baby,” I said, feeling really weird.

He was fighting a smile. “Yes?”

“Why can’t I just call you Austin?”

“It feels like we’re just friends.”

“But we kiss a lot—how are we friends if we do that?”

He shrugged. “You’ll get used to it.”

“If I don’t? Can I just call you Austin?”

“Try getting used to it first.”

“Fine…” I replied. Maybe I’d just stop referring to him by his name, so that I wouldn’t have to use that term.

Austin didn’t end up buying the rug because he said na bibili na lang siya kapag naka-punta na ako sa condo niya para tulungan ko siyang magdesisyon. Hinatid niya na ako sa bahay. He didn’t ask to walk around the subdivision. He just gave me a quick kiss on the lips bago ako bumaba.

I took a shower dahil maghapon akong nasa labas. Then while I was blow-drying my hair, Austin sent a message with a link. I clicked it and it was a link to his post on Instagram. It was a carousel of pictures—iyong pinaka-una ay iyong picture ko kanina nang dumating na iyong pagkain and I was looking at the food. Tapos may picture nung beach trip namin sa Batangas, iyong movie nights, nung sa championship, sa stolen shot nung suot ko iyong jacket niya nung sinabi ko na pwede siyang manligaw, nung birthday ko, at pinaka-huli iyong picture namin sa photobooth na naka-patong sa may kama niya. The caption was ‘Always’ and may comments doon ng mga kapatid niya at mga teammates niya sa SCA. 

** This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories.

Chapter 55

Chapter 55

I spent the entire day coming up with new ideas for my new scripts. I decided to just wait until the shooting is done para mapa-nood ko iyong movie. Ang importante ay magampanan ni Ryder nang maayos iyong role niya. I had been too deep into researching at napa-tigil lang ako nang magtext si Austin sa akin na nasa grocery daw siya at kung may gusto raw ba akong kainin mamaya.

‘Just the steak,’ I replied.

‘What cut?’

‘Kahit ano.’

‘Drinks?’

‘Steak pairs nicely with red wine,’ I replied.

‘We’ll have wine?’

‘I’m good with water.’

I wasn’t really a drinker. I didn’t like the taste of alcohol, but I wasn’t also repulsed by it. I would drink if there’s a need for me to drink. Otherwise, I’d live with never drinking any alcohol.

Dahil sa condo lang naman kami ni Austin, I just wore my go-to attire. I was wearing my black leggings, white shirt, and white Nike sliders. I was also carrying my tote bag kung saan naka-lagay iyong tumbler ko na mayroong tubig, iyong notebook ko (because you’d never know when an idea would hit you), my pencil case, and my phone and wallet.

“Saan ka pupunta?” Ate Gina asked nang bumaba ako. Naabutan ko siya na nagluluto ng dinner. It wasn’t sinampalukan, so I wasn’t missing out on anything.

“Dinner.”

“Sa gilid lang ba kayo magdidinner?” she asked. “Bakit ganyan suot mo?” Then she pointed out at my attire. It was comfortable. At saka sa condo lang naman ni Austin. Kung sa labas kami kakain, I would be more formal.

“No, sa condo ni Austin,” I replied. “He said he’ll cook steak.”

Kinuha ni Ate Gina iyong takip ng kaldero at tinakpan iyon. Tapos ay lumapit siya sa akin. She sat by the dining table and made me do the same.

“Karaminah Viel,” she said.

“Yes?” I replied.

“Alam mo naman siguro na boto ako kay Austin para sa ’yo,” she said, and I nodded because she’s mentioned that a six times already. “Pero kahit na ganoon at may tiwala ako sa batang ’yon, gusto ko pa rin na safe ka.”

“I always wear my seatbelt,” I said because she’s been really worried about my safety since yesterday.

“Hindi iyon.”

“Then, ano?” I asked, my forehead creased.

“Ano…” she said, whispering. “Wag kang papayag na walang,” she added, and then leaned in after she looked to her left and right. “Condom.”

“Condom?” I asked, my forehead creased. “Why would I need to have a condom? Kakain kami ng dinner.”

She dismissively waived her hand. “Maniwala ka sa dinner na ’yan! After ng dinner, ano ang kasunod? Dessert!”

“We haven’t actually discussed dessert,” I said. Maybe we should drive by a coffee shop para bumili ng cheesecake since siya naman ang magluluto ng dinner, ako na ang bibili ng cheesecake.

“Ibang dessert, itong batang ’to!” she said, her forehead creased, too. “D’yan ka lang,” she continued tapos ay umalis siya. A minute later ay bumalik na siya at kinuha ang kamay ko at may inilagay doon. Pagbukas ko ay nakita ko na condom iyon. “Hindi sa amin ng Kuya mo ’yan!” she said kahit wala naman akong sinabi. “Binili ko ’yan kahapon matapos kong makita ’yang leeg mo. Mabuti na ang safe.”

“Okay,” I said, putting it in my tote bag. “Thank you for looking after me,” I continued. She was worried about me, and I appreciated that.

“Aba, syempre, parang anak na kita.”

“Parang nanay na kita,” I replied.

She laughed. “Hay, nako, dalaga ka na talaga…” she said with tears in her eyes, but that moment was quickly cut down dahil nag-amoy nasusunog na iyong niluluto niya.

“Okay,” I said nang sabihin ni Ate Gina na ’wag na raw pumasok si Austin. Nagtext na kasi siya na nasa labas na siya. Normally, I’d open the gate for him and papasok siya para bumati sa kung sinuman ang nasa bahay.

“Hi,” I said nang makita ko siyang naka-tayo sa labas ng gate. He was wearing his work attire—black slacks and white polo na naka-tupi hanggang sa gitna ng braso niya. He was wearing his Patek Philippe watch as usual.

“Should I change?” I asked. “Kasi sabi mo ay sa condo mo naman tayo pupunta.”

“No, you’re dressed just fine.”

“Okay,” sagot ko. “Sabi ni Ate Gina ay ’wag ka na raw pumasok,” I replied, and I didn’t know if it was just the moonlight, but Austin’s face reddened.

“I got 4 slices of beef and three red wines—didn’t know what you’d like,” sabi niya habang nagda-drive. His hands looked really beautiful when he’s driving lalo na kapag kita iyong mga ugat. There’s something really attractive about veins on arms.

“Okay,” I replied.

We parked on the basement parking tapos ay dumiretso kami sa elevator. We stopped by the 36th floor. The hallway of his condo reminded me of a hotel. Naglakad kami hanggang sa huminto kami sa harap ng color cream na pinto. There was a digital lock on his door, so I averted my gaze nang buksan niya iyong pinto. And then I heard it open.

“So… this is my place,” sabi niya pagbukas ng pinto. I looked around it looked clean. The place looked neat dahil wala masyadong gamit, and the main colors were white, gray, and black.

“Did you hire an interior designer?” I asked.

“No,” he replied. “Just browsed online and had the things delivered,” dugtong niya.

“You have good taste,” I commented.

“Thanks,” he said. “The remote’s on the coffee table—there are Netflix, HBO, and Amazon Prime accounts. Feel free to watch while I prepare the food.”

“May maitutulong ba ako?”

“No, I got it,” sabi niya na naka-ngiti. “I’ll just go change,” dugtong niya tapos ay pumasok siya sa isang pinto na siguro ay kwarto niya. The condo was spacious. It looked like two condos combined into one. And there was a floor to ceiling glass window kaya naman kita ko mula rito iyong mga ilaw mula sa mga sasakyan sa kalsada.

I browsed the three subscription and decided with HBO. I was watching this limited HBO series called ‘Mare of Easttown.’ It was a good series, so I was focused on watching. However, when I started smelling something good ay napa-tingin ako kay Austin. He was intently stirring the pot. Nasa island iyong glass stovetop niya kaya naman naka-harap siya sa akin nang tumingin ako sa likuran ko.

“I’ll cook the steak once I’m done with the rissoto,” sabi niya.

“It smells delicious.”

“You wanna try?”

“Pwede na ba?”

“Yeah, sure,” sabi niya tapos ay binuksan iyong drawer tapos ay inabutan ako ng kutsara nang paglapit ko roon. I took a half a spoonful of the risotto. “Is it good? Or do I need to add something?”

“No, it’s already good,” sabi ko. “You did all this dahil lang nanonood ka ng Hell’s Kitchen?”

He nodded. “Yes,” sabi niya tapos ay binuksan oiyong isa pang drawer, at pina-kita sa akin na puno iyon ng spice jars. “I even started buying different spice, although I honestly don’t know what I’ll do with all of them.”

“We can research,” I said. He’s not only good with basketball, but he’s also good with cooking. Saan kaya hindi magaling ang taong ’to?

Hindi na ako nanood pa ng series at naupo na lang ako sa kitchen stool sa may island habang pinapa-nood ko si Austin na magluto. He was wearing a plain white shirt and black drawstring shorts. He was also cleaning after himself after niyang magluto. Nang matapos na siya ay wala na rin halos kalat dahil nalinis niya na lahat.

“These look good,” sabi ko nang maayos na namin iyong table.

“Thank you,” he replied.

“Can I eat already?” I asked because although I wasn’t hungry, the food looked really delicious.

“Yeah, dig in,” sabi niya kaya naman nagsimula na akong kumain.

Austin took a photo of me, and I just let him. He cooked for me, so he could take as many photo as he wanted. The steak was perfectly cook and so was the risotto. I wasn’t a big fan of the wine, but I did manage to finish a glass. Austin didn’t drink dahil ihahatid niya pa ako pauwi mamaya, so he just had water.

After we finished eating, I volunteered na ako ang maghuhugas ng plato dahil siya na ang nagluto. I had never washed a plate in my life, but how hard could that be? Nakikita ko naman palagi si Ate Gina na gawin ’to. It wasn’t rocket science.

“Are you sure?” tanong niya habang siya naman ang naka-upo sa may kitchen stool.

“Yes.”

“I’ll wash those.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Yes, but you look really confused.”

“I am not,” sabi ko habang nagsimula na akong sabunin iyong plato, pero napa-tigil ako nang tawagin niya ang pangalan ko.

“Please let me wash the dishes,” sabi niya. “You have to run them over with water first and then when they’re clean, then that’s when you use the sponge.”

“Okay,” I said. “Tell me kung ano ang gagawin ko, pero ako ang maghuhugas ng plato,” dugtong ko kaya naman sinabi niya sa akin ang gagawin ko. Eleven minutes later ay natapos na din ako. It wasn’t that hard—I just didn’t know how to start.

After that ay lumipat na kami sa may couch.

“Is it good?” he asked.

“Yes, but let’s watch something else.”

“Just tell me what I need to know, and let’s watch that.”

Kinwento ko kay Austin iyong nangyari sa first episode tapos ay sabay naming pina-nood iyong second episode. 10 minutes into the second episode, Austin yawned and then stretched his arms hanggang nasa may itaas sa likuran ko na iyong braso niya. I looked at him.

“Gusto mo ba akong akbayan?” I asked dahil isa ’to sa mga naikwento ni Dominic sa akin na ‘moves.’

“…yes?”

I reached for his arm at ipinatong ko iyon sa balikat ko. And then I looked at him. “If you want anything, just tell me,” I said because although I was really getting better at it, mas mdali pa rin talaga sa akin kung sasabihin niya na lang ang gusto niya.

“Okay,” he said, and then he cleared his throat. “I’ll pull you close,” dugtong niya tapos ay hinigpitan ang pagkaka-akbay sa akin hanggang sa magka-dikit na kaming dalawa.

We continued to watch and then inabutan ako ni Austin ng mint. When I finished it, I looked at him and he was looking at me. And not a second later, his lips were already on mine and he was kissing me. I kissed him back the way he was kissing me, and after a minute of kissing, I opened my mouth and felt his tongue against mine.

We were having a hard time with our position, so Austin placed both hands on my waist and lifted me until I was straddling him. My arms were around his neck and my fingers were brushing through his hair. Ang lambot talaga ng buhok niya. I would finally know what his shampoo was kapag pumasok ako sa CR niya.

I lost track of time. I didn’t know how long we were kissing, but the only thing I knew was that we were both grasping for air. We stopped for a while and then I adjusted my seat, but I landed on his dick. Napa-tingin ako roon.

“You’re horny,” I stated.

Austin grabbed a throw pillow and put it in between us. “Yes, but let’s not discuss.”

“Why?”

“Because.”

“Because what?”

“It will frustrate me more,” he replied. His whole face was red right at this moment.

“You’re frustrated now?”

“Yes.”

“What can I do so that you won’t be frustrated?”

But instead of answering, he grabbed another throw pillow at itinakip iyon sa mukha niya. I heard him groaning. Kinuha ko iyong throw pillow at inalis iyon sa pagkaka-takip sa mukha niya at ibinalik iyon sa sofa.

“What can I do?” I asked.

“Nothing,” he said. “I’ll take care of it myself.”

“Can’t I take care of it?”

Tumingin siya sa akin. “Karaminah Viel,” he said.

“Yes?”

“You’re killing me.”

My eyes widened. “Why?”

Instead of answering, hinawakan niya ako sa magkabilang bewang ko at iniangat para umalis ako sa lap niya. But in the process of doing so, nahulog iyong totebag ko kasama ang mga laman niyon. Austin’s eyes widened. I followed where he was looking at—iyong condom ni Ate Gina.

“What—” he said, blinking in rapid succession like he did before when we watched the kissing scene the first time.

I grabbed the condom that was lying on the floor. “It’s a condom,” I told him. “It’s for safe sex, Austin—” I said, and then stopped to correct myself. “It’s for safe sex, baby.”

Austin looked at me, his lips parted.

“And you brought that because?”

“To be safe.”

“You think… we’ll be having sex?”

“Just in case.”

“I didn’t invite you here to have sex,” he said.

“I know,” I replied. “This is just in case,” dugtong ko.

He groaned again and ran his fingers through his hair. “You really are killing me.”

“How am I killing you?” I asked, getting frustrated, too.

“We can’t have sex yet,” he said.

“Because?” I asked.

He groaned again against the pillow he grabbed to cover his face. “I don’t know,” he said nang tanggalin niya iyong unan sa mukha niya. “It’s weird to talk about this.”

“Isn’t discussing it better, so that we’ll be safe?”

Huminga siya nang malamin at umayos ng upo at humarap sa akin. He grabbed a new throw pillow and covered the middle of his thighs. “Fine,” he said. “Let’s discuss… sex,” he added through gritted teeth, and it was a long night of discussing about date, place, and logistics. Who knew having sex would involve a lot of planning? 

** This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories.

Chapter 56

Chapter 56

Austin told me he wanted our family to meet first. He also told me that he wanted us to be official first before we had sex, but he made it very clear—he mentioned it five times while I was in his condo and mentioned it again nang ihatid niya ako sa bahay—that he was not giving me an ultimatum. He said that he was okay with just kissing and making out. And that since I was graduating in five weeks, that we should just wait.

“Sure ka bang kasama kami?” Ate Gina asked.

“Yes,” I replied.

“Pwede namang hindi.”

“Austin told me to bring my family,” I said.

Ate Gina’s eyes watered again and then she quickly wiped the tears away. She cleared her throat. “Ano ba ang dapat isuot? Saka paano ba iyong pamilya ni Austin?”

I told her what I told my dad. Austin’s family was okay. I told Ate Gina to compliment Cohen. Sabi ni Austin ay pwede kong sabihin kahit ano, but I was really in no mood to debate with his dad. Sila na lang ni Mama kung gusto nilang dalawa.

The dinner was at 7PM in an Italian restaurant in Okada. We arrived at the place at 6:45PM. Nagkasalubong kami ng pamilya ni Austin habang naglalakad kami papunta sa may restaurant.

“Good evening po,” he told my parents and Ate Gina and Kuya Robert.

“Good evening,” I greeted Tita Anna, Tito Bert, Psalm, Saint, and Cohen. Austin said that he’d arrange for me to meet his sisters.

Pagdating namin sa loob ay dinala kami sa isang private room. They exchanged pleasantries.

“Ang gwapo ng batang ’to,” sabi ni Ate Gina kay Cohen. Cohen looked at Austin who just shook his head.

Austin looked at me. “Did you say anything to Ate?” he asked.

“I told her to compliment Cohen.”

Austin laughed, but he quickly stopped it by pursing his lips together. “It’s going to be a weird night for him,” he told me.

“Doesn’t he like compliments?”

“He’s weird about it,” Austin replied.

“Noted,” I said.

We were given menus. I pretend to read mine kahit na naka-pili na ako ng oorderin ko kanina. When the waiter came back, he took everyone’s orders. Pareho ng order si Mama at Tita Anna.

“Austin told us you both are lawyers,” Tita Anna said.

“Yes,” Mama replied.

Tita Anna smiled. “That’s interesting.”

“Very,” Mama said.

“How’s working as an ambassador? I have always been interested,” biglang sabi ni Papa tapos ay sumagot si Tito Bert. And then they began to converse about the politics in embassy habang si Mama ay umiinom ng wine. Cohen asked Tita Anna something about Canada. Si Psalm ay kausap si Kuya Robert habang tinatanong ni Ate Gina si Saint tungkol sa naging career niya sa NBA.

“This is going well,” Austin said.

“Did you think it won’t go well?”

“Honestly? I was scared.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s important.”

“You’re scared because it’s important?”

He nodded. “I love my family and you love yours—it’s just better if we all get along well, don’t you think?”

“Yes, but what if we all don’t get along well? What then?”

He shrugged. “Then… that’s so bad, but their problem is not ours,” he said and then reached for my hand that was on my lap and held it. He smiled at me. “As long as we’re good, I’m good.”

“So, that’s how you look when you smile,” biglang sabi ni Psalm.

Austin rolled his eyes. That’s the first time I saw him roll his eyes. “Not tonight. Please.”

Psalm laughed. “What? I’m not doing anything,” sabi niya tapos ay tumingin sa akin. “Do you know he did everything in his power for us not to meet?”

Tumingin ako kay Austin. “Really?”

Umiling si Austin. “Don’t believe everything he says—he exaggerates half the time,”

I nodded. “Noted.”

Psalm’s lips parted. “The slander,” he said.

“No, it’s true,” biglang sabi ni Saint.

“Wow,” sabi ni Psalm. “Cohen? You wanna say something?”

Cohen shook his head, and just reached for his glass of water.

The food arrived. Tahimik akong kumain habang nag-usap sila. Ate Gina mostly asked them about UAAP and confirmed some gossips about them. She mostly talked to Psalm. Then Kuya Robert, who was more interested in basketball, talked to Saint about it and Saint’s professional plan.

“Do they have any common interest?” Austin asked. “Our mothers.”

“Mahilig si Mama manood ng international news.”

“My mom doesn’t really like news—she says it’s stressful.”

“It is,” I said. “But so is being ignorant about what’s happening out there.”

“Agreed,” he replied. “How about charities?”

“My family donates annually in private.”

“Auctions?”

“Never heard my mom talk about auctions.”

“Okay, last…” he said. “Shopping?”

“No.”

“Okay. They have nothing in common,” Austin said.

“Do they need to have anything in common?”

“Preferably.”

“Why?”

“So they can get along well.”

“We have nothing in common, but we get along well,” I said.

“We have something in common,” Austin replied.

“What?” I asked. “I don’t like basketball, math, history, cultures, languages, or hiking,” I continued because he mentioned before that those were his interests.

“You remembered.”

“Of course,” I replied, and he smiled and intertwined our fingers. He was still holding my right hand at naka-patong iyong magka-hawak naming kamay sa kanang binti niya.

“So, that’s how you look kapag kinikilig ka,” Psalm said.

Austin looked at him. “No,” he simply said.

Psalm snorted. “Okay,” he snorted and then looked at Ate Gina. “Can you please tell me more about how Austin was basically living there because he’s there every day?”

“Uy, grabe! ’Di naman every day, mga every other day naman,” sabi ni Ate Gina tapos ay nag-usap ulit sila ni Psalm.

It was quarter to 10 when we arrived at home. I went upstairs to shower. After that ay bumaba ako para magrefill ng tubig sa lalagyan ko. Mama was getting a glass of water.

“Hindi kayo nag-usap ni Tita Anna,” I said because I remembered Austin mentioning how nice it would be if everyone would get along.

“We did,” Mama replied.

“About what?”

“Pleasantries.”

“That’s it?”

She nodded. “Yes, why? Is there a problem?”

Umiling ako. “Wala naman. Don’t you two have any common interest?”

She shrugged. “Who knows?” she replied. “But I don’t need to be friends with Austin’s parents. As long as they’re treating you well, we won’t have any problem,” sabi niya. “They’re treating you well, right?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“Then, we won’t have any problem.”

“Okay,” I replied and then proceeded to refill my water. While I was waiting for the container to be filled, Mama called my name kaya naman napa-tingin ako sa kanya.

“Those things online,” she said.

“I don’t read them anymore,” I replied. “They don’t matter. As long as you and Papa don’t think that I’m creepy, then I’m good.”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “You are not creepy.”

“I know.”

“But you are special,” Mama said. “You don’t function like everybody else, but that’s not your fault.”

“I know that.”

“Do you really?” she asked and I nodded. “Good. Because there’s nothing wrong with you. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

I nodded again. “I know.”

I know because everyone around me kept on telling me and reminding me. And because of them, I had no doubt that I’d be fine.

---

Weeks passed and I was already done with the conceptualization phase of my new script. I received a text from Ryder, asking me to meet with him. I was about to reply yes, but I remembered all the pictures online. I did not want any other picture of me circulating online. Ang pwede lang ay iyong mga pino-post ni Austin, pero hindi iyong kinu-kuha ng mga tao na walang permiso ko.

“Yes?” Dominic replied when I called him after messaging him.

“Ryder sent a message asking to meet.”

“Really? About what?”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay. Why did you call me?” he asked and I explained to him the reason why. I thought about calling Austin, but I remembered Dominic telling me before that just because you’re in a relationship ay dapat ng sabihin sa ’yo kung sino ang pwede at hindi pwede mong kausapin. “Okay… Just meet somewhere private? But not like a hotel room, okay? Like a not crowded coffee shop.”

“Okay. Should I tell Austin?”

“Tell him if you want to.”

“I want to.”

“Then tell him.”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” sagot ni Dominic. “Ihahatid ka naman ni Kuya Robert, right?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. At least you’re with someone.”

Because it was still working hour, I sent a message to Austin. He did not reply—he would usually reply an hour later or if he’s really busy, kapag 5PM na siya makaka-reply. I didn’t mind. If it’s important, he told me that I should call and that he would immediately answer. But this was not that important.

After an hour, Austin called me.

“He wants to meet?”

“Yes.”

“Did he say why?”

“No.”

“Okay… do you want me to come with you?”

“Do you want to?”

“Yes,” he said. “But… out of respect, maybe I shouldn’t,” he added. “But you’ll be with Kuya Robert?”

“Yes,” I replied.

“Okay. I’ll just meet you after?”

“Okay. Papa-hatid ako sa condo mo.”

“Sure. And please get the chicken out of the freezer.”

“Okay.”

“Okay. I’ll see you later,” sabi niya bago ko pinatay iyong tawag.

I told Ryder that I would meet him, but that if he wanted to meet me, it should be today and I gave him a place. When we were dating, he was the one who always decided kung saan kami pupunta. I was learning on how to take the lead. Ryder agreed and we would meet in an hour.

“Dito lang ako sa labas,” sabi ni Kuya Robert.

Pagpasok ko doon ay agad na nakita ko si Ryder sa pinaka-dulong table. He was wearing a black maong pants, a plain white V-neck shirt, black Nike sliders, and black Nike baseball cap. There was no one here beside the cashier and the barista.

“Hi,” he said upon seeing me.

“Hi,” I replied.

“Do you want to order first?”

I shook my head. “No. I’m just here because you said that you want to talk.”

He nodded and then sighed. Tumingin siya sa akin. “I just… want to apologize for getting your name dragged online.”

“Did you tell your fans to do that?”

“No.”

“Then don’t apologize,” I said. “It’s not your fault.”

“Maybe. But I still feel guilty. They don’t listen to me even if I already said that you were never my girlfriend.”

“People will believe what they want to believe.”

“Right…” he said as he held the mug closer to him. Tumingin siya roon tapos ay tumingin sa akin. “I just also… want to apologizing for getting you kicked out of the set.”

“Thank you. That was rude of you.”

He sadly smiled. “I know. I was hurt.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. I knew he did like me. Everyone kept on telling me that Ryder didn’t really like me, but I still believe that he did. In his own way, he really did.

“It’s fine,” he said with a small smile. “I really can’t get everything I want, can I?” he asked, and then drew a deep breath. “We still have a few days left to shoot… You can come if you want.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I’m really sorry I kicked you out—but at that time, I really would not be able to work with you around. And George’s really intense. She’s scary.”

“She is.”

“She told me she would not accept any delay, and if you’re there, I would not be able to concentrate,” he said. “But I know it’s not reason enough to kick you out. Again. I’m sorry, Karaminah.”

“Third apology accepted.”

He smiled a little. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Natawa siya. Tapos ay natigil. Huminga siya nang malalim. “That’s all I have to say. You can now… leave if you want,” sabi niya habang naka-tingin sa akin.

Tumayo na ako. “I will see you on Sunday.”

Tumango siya. “Yeah… I’ll see you then.”

Bago ako lumabas ay may nakita akong cake kaya naman bumili ako para kay Austin. Paglabas ko ay pumasok na ako sa sasakyan.

“Tapos na kayo?” Kuya Robert asked.

I nodded as I wore my seatbelt. “Yeah, we’re done,” I replied. “Pahatid sa condo ni Austin,” I told Kuya Robert. Huminto si Kuya Robert sa harap ng building tapos ay bumaba na ako roon. Austin already had me registered and he gave me the code to his unit. I would sometimes go here to write dahil mas tahimik dito. But I would always tell him kapag pupunta ako kahit na sinabi niya sa akin na hindi ko na kailangan na magpaalam.

Pagpasok ko sa unit ay agad kong inilabas iyong manok na sinasabi niya. And then I took a half-bath and changed clothes. I just did not like sitting on his clean couch with my dirty clothes from outside. After the third time I went here, Austin told me that I can bring clothes if that would make me more comfortable.

I changed into my black dolphin shorts and loose white shirt. Austin got me a matching indoor slippers. Habang wala pa siya ay nagtype lang ako sa laptop ko. And then at 5:23PM, I heard someone twisting the door knob open. Tumingin ako roon at pagbukas nun ay nakita ko si Austin. He was in his work attire—his black suit and tie and he was carrying his briefcase.

“Hi,” he said as he loosened his tie.

“Hi,” I replied. “Change clothes first before I hug you,” I added and he laughed while he was on his way to the CR to change. 

** This story is already finished on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories.

Chapter 57

Chapter 57

It was December 24 and as much as I could not explain it, it just smelled like Christmas. The air was cold and the Christmas songs just made me feel good and light—like nothing could go wrong.

Nang magsimula iyong ber-months ay naitayo na iyong Christmas tree namin. Naayos na rin last week iyong mga regalo para sa mga clients nila Papa at naipadala na rin iyon. Nagluluto si Ate Gina para sa noche buena namin mamayang madaling araw. I asked her if there’s anything I could do to help, but she said na kaya niya na raw lahat. I tried to play with Blue and BV, but they both did not want to play with me kaya nmana umakyat na lang ako sa kwarto.

“Hi,” I said when Austin called via FaceTime. Umuwi siya sa bahay nila para doon magnoche buena. They did not go to Madrid this time, and even if they did, Austin told me na hindi siya sasama dahil nagsabi na siya sa akin na plano niya na magkasama kami buong December 25 to make up for what he did before. He already talked to my parents about this, and they were fine with it. We didn’t have any traditions except for the noche buena, anyway.

“Hey,” he replied. He looked like he was in his old room. Hindi pa ako nakaka-punta roon at hindi na ako makaka-punta pa. I did not feel comfortable to go upstairs kapag nasa kanila ako. I went there on Tita Anna’s birthday. I also met his grandparents. They’re fine. I didn’t really listen to what they talked about because Austin warned me that no one’s ever good enough for them. I didn’t care—I was already good enough for Austin.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Nothing. Just waiting for the food.”

“Same. Ate Gina won’t let me help.”

Natawa siya. “Movies?”

“Yes.”

We watched Mare of the Easttown together via Rave. Hindi pa rin kami tapos na panoorin iyon. We were still three episodes to the end. It was just that kissing was always the better option kapag nasa condo niya kami. Sometimes, when I thought that we’d go beyond kissing, Austin would forcibly get off me—usually with a loud grunt—grab his wallet, and then tell me that he’s going to buy something. He usually goes back with a carton of almond milk. There’s a cabinet in his condo that was just full of cartons of milk. I checked the expiration dates at may five months pa siya para ubusin iyon.

“Who do you think did it?” he asked when we finished the fifth episode.

“I still need to watch another episode to decide,” I replied. “Why do we have to wait for 12MN to eat?” I asked because it was only 8PM. I was already hungry.

“Tradition,” he replied. “You can eat if you want. You don’t have to starve ’til midnight.”

“I’ll order online,” sabi ko kasi kapag bumaba ako tapos nakita ko iyong niluluto ni Ate Gina, mas magugutom ako kasi mas gusto kong kainin iyon.

“Or I’ll just drive there and we can drive thru? I’ll get you back by 10 or 11?”

“Papayagan ka ba?”

“Yeah,” he replied. “It’s full house here. I doubt if they’d notice.”

“Okay,” sabi ko. “Drive carefully.”

“I will,” sabi niya tapos ay tinapos na namin iyong tawag.

I changed into a maong shorts, white tank top, and my oversized light brown cardigan. I also brought my tote bag na naka-lagay iyong notebook, pencil case, wallet, at phone ko. Pagbaba ko ay nagpaalam ako kila Mama tapos ay lumabas na ako nung nandoon na si Austin. I told him na ’wag na kaming pumasok dahil sabi rin nila na ’wag na raw basta raw bumalik ako bago mag noche buena.

“Hi,” I said when I got inside his car. We kissed on the lips tapos ay inilagay ko sa likuran iyong totebag ko bago ko isinuot iyong seatbelt ko. “I want subway sandwich, pero wala silang takeout. If hindi pwede, sa KFC na lang and I will have twister.”

Austin searched in his phone kung saan iyong pinaka-malapit na subway, pero closed na lahat. We ended up going to KFC’s drive thru and then parked in their parking lot to eat.

“Ano’ng oras bukas?” I asked.

“10AM? I planned breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”

“Okay. Dress code?”

“Anything you’re comfortable in.”

“Jacket?”

“You can use mine,” sabi niya.

“Okay,” sagot ko. “I can’t bring my gift. Masyadong mabigat.”

“It’s okay.”

“But how can we exchange gift?”

“We can just do it at your house?”

“Can I just bring a part of the gift and then you can get the rest kapag hinatid mo ako?”

“Sure,” he replied.

“Okay,” sagot ko sa kanya.

He mentioned before that he’s interested in World War II and then mentioned a book set that he’d been wanting to buy, but it was hard to find. It was indeed hard to find. It took me two months to complete it—I ordered some on Amazon and then bid on the others on eBay. And then waited until they’re all complete. There were 12 books in the whole set. I definitely went over our budget, but it’s okay. I would not spend money on Austin’s birthday, anyway. I planned on telling him that he’s officially my boyfriend on his birthday. He never asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend. But if he did ask me before it’s his birthday, then I might have to find a way to have money para mag-isip ng ibang ireregalo sa kanya. Until then, his birthday gift was already set.

After we finished eating, we just continued watching the series on the screen of his car. We didn’t want to kiss because my lips would be swollen and my family would notice. So, we just held hands as we watched the series.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” sabi niya nang ihatid niya ako pabalik.

“10AM,” I replied, and he nodded. We kissed again bago ako bumaba at bumalik sa loob. Dumiretso ako sa kwarto para maglinis ng katawan. I changed into a white dress because I did not feel like wearing a red dress. Pagbaba ko ay naka-handa na iyong lamesa. We ate our noche buena. I ate the lasagna and the Christmas ham. I had the graham cake for the dessert. I was so full. Pagbalik ko sa kwarto ay nakita ko na nagtext si Austin ng Merry Christmas at exactly 12MN.

‘Merry Christmas, too,’ I replied.

‘I know your 3 hours rule, but try to sleep because we have a long day tomorrow,’ he said.

‘Okay. Good night.’

‘Good night.’

I woke up at 7AM kahit na 1AM na ako natulog. I went downstairs to have my breakfast, and then I proceeded to play with BV dahil tinataguan ako ni Blue. I began to outline my script. At 9AM, I took a bath and then prepared for my day with Austin. I wore a white linen dress with tie strap. It fell two inch above my knees. I also wore a denim jacket dahil kapag pina-suot sa akin ni Austin iyong jacket niya ay wala siyang isusuot. I wore a white lowcut converse sneakers, and carried my tote bag with me. Naka-lagay na sa loob iyong regalo ko kay Austin. My only accessory was the Cartier bracelet.

Pagbaba ko ay nakita ko na binibigay ni Austin kina Mama iyong regalo niya. I waited until they’re done. Mama told us to take care tapos ay lumabas na kami.

“I don’t have any gift for your family,” I said dahil binigyan niya silang lahat.

“You don’t have to,” he replied.

“May regalo ba sila Mary sa parents mo?”

“No idea,” he said. “But really, don’t worry about it.”

I nodded. I hoped they didn’t get them gifts. I did not have any money left. Wala na akong pambili.

I was choosing what song to play while Austin was driving. He told me if it’s okay kung sa NLEX na lang kami kumain ng breakfast. I said it’s fine—I felt full from last night’s feast, anyway. We ate at Army Navy. I asked him where we were going dahil nasa NLEX kami.

“La Union,” he said.

“We’re going to the beach?” I asked because I was wearing sneakers.

“We can stay there while waiting,” he said. “I brought your slippers, if you’re thinking about your shoes.”

Sometimes, I did think that he could read my mind.

We continued with our travel. Pagdating namin doon ay late-lunch time na. We ate at Patio del Sol for lunch. Tapos ay dumiretso kami sa isang beach. Austin parked on the side of the road, but even inside his car ay kita na namin iyong beach. We just opened the windows of his car.

“It’s so calm,” I said as I stared at the waves of the sea. I was quietly watching the sea nang mapa-tingin ako kay Austin dahil binuksan niya iyong pinto at lumabas. Sumunod din ako sa kanya. Pumunta siya sa likuran. He opened it at may nakita akong box doon. There was a ribbon around it.

“Are we exchanging gifts now?” I asked because it was only 4PM.

“Yes,” he said. “Unless you want to do this later?”

I shook my head. I was excited to give him his gift. Binuksan ko iyong pintuan at saka kinuha ko iyong totebag ko. Inilabas ko roon iyong box kung saan ko nilagay iyong regalo niya. I did not put a ribbon, but there was a card attached to the box.

“This is just a part of the gift,” I said because his gift was a big box.

“I know,” he replied. “So… game?” he asked and I nodded at ibinigay ko sa kanya iyong regalo ko. I watched as he opened the card first. Napa-tingin siya sa akin. He bit his lower lip while he was smiling.

“Merry Christmas, too, baby,” he replied because I wrote ‘Merry Christmas, baby,’ because for some odd reason, he really liked it when I call him that. I was still not used to it, but I would get used to it someday.

“Open your gift,” I said.

“Okay,” he replied as he opened the box. Naka-kunot ang noo niya. I thought he didn’t get my gift, so I tried to explain that that was the book set he was talking about before. “I know…” he said. “But where did you get this? I have been looking since forever.”

“Amazon. eBay. I got one off of Facebook marketplace,” I said. I even joined some local groups to get the last piece of the set.

His lips parted. “Wow,” he said. “This is… so nice.”

“Can I open my gift now?” I asked, but Austin was still staring at the book I gave him. I shrugged and proceeded to untie the ribbon. I opened the top of the box and it was covered with paper shredding. I reached inside and got a box of Unipin pen.

Austin’s hand was on his nape. “I should’ve exerted more effort.”

“I love this,” I said because I really do love pens.

“Really?” I nodded. “There are still some inside the box.”

Kinuha ko iyong iba pang naka-lagay. There were five box of Unipin in different colors. These would be my stock for the whole year. Mayroon ding tatlong notebook na dotted, tatlong notebook na lined, at tatlong notebook na blank pages lang. And then I reached in again. Mas mabigat iyong box. I used two hands to get it. Napa-tingin ako kay Austin nang makita ko na box ng Macbook iyon.

“You said your laptop’s getting slower,” he said.

“So you bought me a new laptop?”

He shrugged. “I know we have a budget. I really can’t just make it work,” sabi niya. “Did you go over the budget?” I nodded because I did. “We both did it. So… let’s call it quits?”

Naka-kunot pa rin ang noo ko. “You bought me a laptop.”

“Yes.”

“I won’t tell you when my phone’s getting slower.”

Tumawa siya. “Okay,” sabi niya. “I got you a 1TB, so that you can put all your files and your movies,” dugtong niya. He transferred the huge box on the passenger seat tapos ay doon kami naupo. He began to read the book while I fiddled with the new laptop. And then we watched the sunset.

“Uuwi na tayo?” I asked when Austin stood up.

“No, we still have to go somewhere.”

“Saan?”

“Christmas village,” he said. “It’s your favorite holiday, right?” he asked, and I nodded. We went to the Christmas village. There were Christmas lights everywhere. It all looked so pretty. And when we were standing before the huge Christmas tree, I was almost tempted to tell Austin that I wanted to be his girlfriend, but I stopped myself because I really did not have any more money for his birthday gift.

But staring at him as the lights reflected on his eyes—

“Baby,” I called. He didn’t look. “Eyes on me, baby,” I called again, this time louder. Napa-tingin siya sa akin. He blinked. I drew a deep breath. “Can you be my boy—”

“Can you be my girlfriend?” he asked, cutting me off like he did not want me to finish my question.

“Yes,” I quickly replied.

He blinked. “Really?”

I nodded. “We’re official now.”

“Yes,” he replied. “Finally,” he whispered as he wrapped me around his arms and lifted my feet off the ground while he hugged me. 

** This story is chapters ahead on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories.

Chapter 58

Chapter 58

I graduated after first semester, so I still had to wait for the second semester to end for the ceremony. Before, I really did not care for the ceremony. But I really did work hard for my degree. I was actually looking forward to it. But since we still had to wait for five more months, we just had a dinner outside. My parents gave me money for my graduation gift. They actually said that they thought about giving me a car, but Austin’s always picking me up. They actually considered the condo, but they said that they didn’t think there’s a need for that anymore. Instead, they deposited money in my account. They said if I wanted to travel, I could use that. O sa kung anuman daw ang gusto ko.

Today was February 5. Kasama ko si Ate Gina sa grocery. It’s Austin’s birthday tomorrow, and I initially planned on an out of town trip with him, but the last few weeks, he’s always tired because there were functions he had to attend almost every day. Instead, I decided to just fix him a dinner in his condo. I liked staying in, anyways.

“Maybe I should just order,” I said as I was pushing the cart.

“Kaya mo ’yan,” Ate Gina said. “Sa steak naman e basta sundin mo lang iyong instructions na sinulat ko. Saka dahan-dahan lang sa asin at baka masyadong maging maalat.”

I nodded. “Okay… but I am actually worried about the mashed potato.”

“Basta ilaga mo lang iyong patatas tapos iyong gatas at butter.”

“If I mess it up?”

“Magpa-deliver ka na lang sa KFC.”

I nodded. “You’re right,” sabi ko.

We already finished with my grocery list tapos ay naggrocery naman kami para sa bahay. I was just pushing the cart habang si Ate Gina iyong namimili.

“Karma,” pagtawag niya.

“Yes?”

“Lagi ka namang nasa condo ni Austin… Balak mo na bang doon tumira?”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “No,” I replied. “Lagi ba talaga akong nandoon?” I asked because I haven’t really noticed.

Tumango siya. “Minsan na nga lang kita makita sa bahay.”

“Really…”

Ate Gina nodded again. “Natanong ko lang…” she said as she was looking at which tomato to pick. “Kasi naka-bili kami ng Kuya mo ng lupa sa probinsya.”

“Aalis na kayo sa bahay?” I asked, suddenly sounding alarmed at the thought of them leaving me.

“Hindi naman agad,” sagot niya. “Habang nandoon ka sa bahay niyo, doon lang kami ng Kuya mo. Pero kapag umalis ka na, balak namin na sa probinsya na tumira sana—” Her eyes widened. “Umiiyak ka ba? Bakit ka umiiyak?!” she asked, getting a tissue from her bag and handing it to me.

Napa-hawak ako sa pisngi ko. I was crying. I dabbed the tissue to dry my cheek. I looked at her.

“Di ko alam kung bakit ako umiyak.”

“Di naman nga kami aalis habang nasa bahay ka pa. E kung nandun ka hanggang magtrenta ka, e ’di doon din kami.”

“So… you’re just staying there because of me?”

“Oo. Syempre kami na nagpa-laki sa ’yo. Busy parents mo sa trabaho. E ngayon may Austin na na mag-aalaga sa ’yo. ’Di na kami masyadong nag-aalala—jusko, bakit ba umiiyak ka?!”

Napa-hawak na naman ako sa pisngi ko. The last time I cried was when Austin told me we should just be friends.

“Can I think about this?” I asked.

“Aba, oo naman. ’Di ko rin sinasabi na tumira ka na kasama si Austin, ha.”

I was silent the whole time. Hanggang sa maka-uwi kami sa bahay ay tahimik lang ako. I didn’t have dinner. I went straight to sleep. I woke up early and grabbed the things I needed. I booked a ride and went to Austin’s early in the morning.

I was quiet as I got inside his unit. Kaka-sikat lang ng araw. I quietly opened the ref para ilagay iyong meat doon dahil pangdinner pa ito. I thought I was quiet enough, but I heard the bedroom door open at nakita ko si Austin na lumabas doon. He was wearing his navy blue boxers na nasa kalahati ng binti niya at puting t-shirt na pantulog niya. He was also yawning.

“Happy birthday,” I said while I was still holding three potatos on my hands.

“Thank you,” he replied, his forehead creased. “Is that for later’s dinner?”

I nodded. “Yes… Sorry kung maaga akong nandito.”

“It’s fine,” he replied as he sat on the counter stool. “You can go whenever you like.”

“Okay…” sabi ko habang patuloy na inilagay iyong mga gamit sa ref niya. And then I quietly put the trash in the trash can. Tapos ay nagbrew ako ng coffee para kay Austin. And then I had nothing left to do but to wait for the coffee to brew.

“Austin, I’m upset,” I said.

“Why?” he asked.

“Sabi ni Ate Gina aalis na raw siya sa bahay kapag hindi na ako roon naka-tira.”

“Okay?” he replied. “But you still live there…”

“Yes, but she also mentioned that I’m almost always here.”

“Well… she’s not wrong.”

“I’m really almost always here?”

Austin nodded. “You have your own cabinet. You have your own toiletries. Some of your packages are on the lobby,” he said. “Your notebooks and pens are here.”

“Oh…” I said. “I am basically living here.”

“Yeah.”

“We’re living together?”

“I… don’t think so. You don’t sleep here.”

“Ate Gina said na halos hindi niya na ako nakikita.”

“Well, you always go home at midnight.”

I remained silent. Dito na nga ako halos naka-tira. When the coffee finished brewing, Austin poured each of us a cup of coffee. He placed mine in front of me. I even had a mug here.

“I am

living here,“ I said.

“You don’t sleep over,” he replied.

“I will sleep over later,” I said and he choked on the coffee he was drinking. I grabbed a paper towel and handed it to him. I got him a glass of water at saka inabot sa kanya iyon. Kalahati iyong nainom niya sa tubig.

“I’m sorry—did I hear it correctly? You’ll sleep over later?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“Does your parents—” sabi niya tapos ay tumigil siya. I waited for him to finish his question, but it seemed like that was it.

“I told them. They didn’t ask any question. I asked if they had questions, and they said they didn’t really want to know,” I said, hoping that my answer was the answer to his question dahil hindi naman natapos ang sinasabi niya.

“Oh,” was all he said.

I looked at the clock. “Hindi ka pa ba maliligo?” I asked dahil may pasok pa siya.

“I…” he trailed. “I think I’ll skip work.”

“Why?” I asked, my forehead creased. “Di ba busy kayo palagi?”

“The function was yesterday. I can actually skip today.”

“Won’t they look for you?”

“I’ll pretend to be sick.”

“That’s lying.”

“I know,” he said.

“Why can’t you just go to work?” I asked.

“Because I want to spend the whole day with you,” he replied, looking into my eyes. “Plus—I can’t leave while knowing that you’re upset.”

I sighed. “Okay… but let it be in record na hindi kita pinilit na umabsent.”

Humalakhak siya. “Noted,” he replied.

---

It was Austin’s birthday, but he cooked breakfast for us. Hindi kami lumabas dahil pagod pa rin siya sa lahat ng function na pinuntahan niya. He cooked bacon, eggs, and buttered fried rice. While he was cooking, I sent a text message to Papa na na kila Austin ako dahil baka hanapin ako. Tapos ay itinago ko na sa drawer iyong cellphone ko. Austin was right—I had the whole drawer all to myself. I had shirts, shorts, underwear, and some dress kapag aalis kami.

While he was finishing cooking, naghain na ako sa lamesa.

“Ate Gina texted earlier asking if you’re here,” Austin said.

“You said na nandito ako?”

“Yes. I didn’t want her to worry.”

“Okay.”

“You know that she won’t leave until you’re there, right?”

I nodded. “I know… but she sounded so happy when she talked about the lot they bought in the province,” I said, sighing. “Am I being selfish? Because she’s only staying dahil sa akin. She already spent years raising me. If she wants to leave, I should let them, right?”

Austin didn’t answer me, but his silence comforted me. I just sighed. After eating, I washed the dishes while Austin looked for movies that we can watch. We ended up watching comedy. My mood lightened up a little. We had pizza and chicken delivered for lunch na umabot hanggang meryenda.

“Do you still want to cook?” he asked nang tumayo na ako para magluto.

I nodded. “Yes. You can just watch. I promise I won’t mess the food,” sabi ko tapos ay dumiretso na ako sa kusina para ihanda iyong sa may mashed potato dahil mabilis lang naman iyong sa steak.

I forgot the measurement, so I got the paper Ate Gina gave me earlier and stared at it.

Napa-tigil ako nang bigla akong yakapin ni Austin. He arms were wrapped around me. My face was against his chest. I didn’t even know why he did this.

“Ate Gina said they’ll just move to Bulacan. We can go there every day if you like,” sabi ni Austin.

“Bulacan? I thought they’d move to Ilocos.”

“You didn’t ask?”

“No. I was upset.”

I felt his chest reverberating because of his laughter. “No. They’re just moving to Bulacan. It’s just two hours away.”

I nodded against his chest and then looked up to him. “I should tell them to leave,” I said, asking for confirmation.

“They’ll stay while you’re there, don’t worry.”

“Can I stay here?”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “What?”

“I’m basically always here anyway… unless you don’t want me to move in,” I said.

He blinked—just like he did before when we were still in school and he was still a basketball player and I was the assistant manager of the team.

“Are… you sure?”

“I still have to ask my parents,” I said, but I just realized that they’re right—I was already living here. And I always wanted to be with Austin. He’s always busy with work, so I was always here pag-uwi niya para magkita kami. I felt guilty asking him to pick me up at home dahil pagod na siya sa trabaho niya kaya ako na ang pumupunta sa condo niya.

“Okay…” he replied.

“And you have to ask your parents,” I said because as far as I was concerned, his family’s very traditional. Saint and Mary got married just so Mary could live with Saint abroad.

“We’re moving in together,” he said.

“Kapag pumayag lang ang parents natin.”

“If they don’t?” Austin asked.

I shrugged. “I’ll just buy a condo somewhere,” I said. “Binigyan ako nila Mama ng pera para sa graduation ko. I was actually planning on traveling,” sabi ko sa kanya. When I asked him before about traveling, nagkwento siya and it felt like traveling would be nice… I wanted to go to Paris because it’s the city of love. Maybe I’d be inspired to write more kapag pumunta ako roon.

“Alone?”

“Syempre kasama ka.”

A smile appeared on his face. “You have a place in mind?”

“Paris,” I replied.

“We should stay there for at least a week so we can really explore the place,” he said and then we talked about traveling in Europe while Austin helped me prepare the dinner.

When we finished preparing the food, I told Austin to change clothes for our dinner.

“Really?” he asked. “Can’t I eat steak in my boxers?”

“I mean… okay,” sabi ko sa kanya. “I brought dress with me, but I’m fine wearing this,” sabi ko dahil naka-dolphin shorts lang din ako at maluwag na puting shirt.

“I’ll be quick,” sabi ni Austin at pumunta siya sa CR. Pumunta ako roon sa CR sa kabilang kwarto. Nagmamadali ako dahil 10 minutes lang daw. I wore the spaghetti strap black dress that fell three inches above my knee that I got last month. It was fitted like it was my second skin. And then I wore the strappy red heels. I did not usually wear them. I did not like wearing them. But we’re just inside his condo. I just had this shoes for formal occasions.

Paglabas ko ay akala ko on time ako pero nandoon na siya sa labas. He was folding the sleeves of his polo to the middle of his arms nang mapa-tingin siya sa akin nang bumukas ang pinto. His lips parted after he looked at me from my head to toe. Kumunot ang noo ko nang mabilis siyang maglakad papunta sa akin.

“Happy birthday,” I said.

“Yes, happy birthday to me,” he replied as he placed his arms around me, lifted me up, and kissed me on the lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck para hindi ako malaglag kahit alam ko na hindi naman niya ako bibitawan. I was not able to lock the door behind me, so when he tried to push me against the door ay agad na bumukas iyon. He kept on walking until the back of my legs felt the bed. There was no wall to push me up against. We fell on the bed.

Austin kept on kissing me like he was a thief of air. I tried to keep on with him, but tonight felt different—tonight, I felt like I would not be able to keep up.

But when he finally let go of my lips, we were both catching for air.

“I’m sorry—I couldn’t help it. It’s those heels.”

“Because of the straps? Or because it’s red?”

“No idea,” he replied as he was still panting for air. His lips were red from all the kissing. We were staring at each other’s eyes. “The food—” he said.

“We’ll just reheat them later,” I said, reaching for his cheek. “Or tomorrow,” I added.

His eyes widened. “You mean—” he said. Normally, I would wait for him to finish what he was saying because unfinished sentence really do bother me. But not tonight.

“Sex, Austin. Tonight, we’ll finally have sex,” I said, finishing his sentence as I pulled him close and kissed him again. 

** This story is already finished on Patreon (patreon.com/beeyotch). Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories.

If you’re having any problems with your payment, you can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance.

Chapter 59

Chapter 59

Both my parents were looking at me. I sent them a calendar invite for us to meet in a restaurant. It was not a formal restaurant because I did not have enough money for that. I was still trying to recover from the Christmas gift that I gave to Austin, and I did not want to touch the graduation money I was given.

“What is this about?” Mama asked. It was their lunch time. I drew a deep breath dahil alam ko na kailangan pa nilang bumalik sa trabaho nila.

“Did Ate Gina talk to you about them moving out?” I asked. I looked at them. There was no hint of surprise on their face. I was not the greatest at deciphering human emotions, but I deduced that they already knew. But when I first heard about it, I was so surprised that I unknowingly cried.

“Nabanggit lang nila dati,” Papa said.

“When?”

“Nung nagsimula ka ng college.”

“Ganoon na katagal?” I asked, and they nodded. “Oh.”

I remained silent. It had been at least three years then. And they were only staying because of me. I looked back at my parents.

“Ate Gina said na aalis lang sila kapag wala na ako sa bahay,” I said.

“Are you planning on moving out already?” Mama asked.

“If I want to move out, papayagan niyo ba ako?” I asked.

Mama looked at Papa, and then back at me. She reached for the glass of water and quietly sipped it. Tapos ay muli siyang tumingin sa akin. “You’re not a child anymore,” she said. “You can move out if you want, but we have to approve where you’re moving in. It’s for safety reasons and it’s non-negotiable.”

I nodded. “That’s reasonable.”

“Are you moving out?” Mama asked.

“May matitirhan na ba sila Ate Gina sa province?”

Nagtinginan ulit sila ni Papa. “About that…” Mama said.

“Kailan ka aalis?” tanong ni Papa. “Balak namin ng Mama mo na kami na magpapagawa ng bahay nila Gina sana. Para kapag sa province na sila ay may sarili na silang bahay. Pero hindi ka namin pinapaalis, ha!”

I nodded. “Gaano katagal magpagawa ng bahay?”

“Nabanggit nila na bungalow lang naman ang gusto nila saka maliit na bakuran. Siguro safe na ang dalawang buwan,” Papa said. “Tama ba?” he asked Mama and she nodded in confirmation.

“Okay,” I said. “My graduation ceremony’s in June. Is that enough time?” They nodded. “Then it’s settled—I’ll move out in June.”

Mama nodded. “If you need help sa paghahanap ng malilipatan, Jackie can provide you with contacts,” Mama said.

I shook my head. “I’ll move in with Austin since I practically live there, anyway,” I replied. Papa was drinking water and he choked on it. Mama, without looking at him, just quietly tapped him on the back at saka inabutan siya ng table napkin.

“Ayaw niyo ba?” I asked because if they did not approve, I would not move in with Austin. I just figured it made more sense since I was practically living there anyway. Austin’s grocery list even included my favorite milk and cereals.

I saw Papa drawing a deep breath. Tumingin siya kay Mama. Mama just shook her head as she rolled her eyes, tapos ay tumingin na siya sa akin.

“Do you want to move in with Austin?”

“Yes,” I replied.

“How about his family?”

“He’ll ask them, too.”

“What if they say no?”

“Then, it’s a no,” I replied. “I’ll find a condo where I’ll live. I might have to use the money you gave me.”

“We’ll pay for your condo for a year,” Mama said. “But you have to find a job to support yourself. We won’t support you forever.”

I nodded. “I understand.”

“But that doesn’t mean that you can’t come to us when you need help.”

I nodded again. “I know.”

“Pwede ka pa ring manghingi ng allowance sa akin,” Papa said, but Mama frowned at him. He laughed. “Joke lang, ito naman! Pero, oo, kung magcocondo ka, kami sa unang taon tapos ikaw na magbabayad pagkatapos.”

“Thank you.”

They both called the waiter para salinan iyong baso dahil naubos na nila iyong tubig nila. We, then, proceeded to having our lunch tapos ay bumalik na sila sa trabaho nila habang ako naman ay pumunta muna sa mall para maggrocery dahil naubos ko iyong pagkain ni Austin sa condo niya.

After the grocery ay nagtext ako kay Austin na papunta na ako sa condo niya. Hindi na ako nagpahatid kay Kuya Robert. I started last week trying to ride in Grab. Marunong akong magdrive, but I didn’t like parking very much. It’s just easier to just book a ride. I just needed to screenshot the information of the driver and send it to Austin.

Pagdating ko sa condo niya, I took a half-bath and changed into a more comfortable clothing. Inayos ko iyong mga pinamili ko. I used Austin’s debit card because it’s his grocery to begin with. But if I live here, I would start contributing.

A quarter to six, naka-uwi na si Austin.

“Hi,” I said.

“Hi,” he replied, smiling but looking tired. “Stay there—I’ll just take a quick shower,” sabi niya at tumango ako at pinagpatuloy ko iyong paghahanap ng inspiration para sa setting ng sinusulat kong script.

I was scrolling through the photos of a resthouse when Austin sat right beside me. He smelled like soap, but there was still a faint smell of his Tom Ford cologne. Sinandal niya iyong ulo niya sa balikat ko habang tahimik akong nagsscroll sa mga litrato. And then he began to tell me about this function at work and how he would have to go to Madrid next month for work.

“Gaano katagal?” I asked.

“A week,” he replied.

“Okay,” I said.

“You can stay here to write, if you want.”

“Can I eat your food?”

He nodded. “Sure. What’s mine is yours,” he replied.

“I talked to my parents kanina,” sabi ko sa kanya. Napa-tingin siya sa akin mula sa pagkaka-sandal niya sa balikat ko. “I told them about me moving in here.”

Nang sabihin ko iyon ay napa-ayos siya ng upo. He adjusted his position habang naka-harap na siya sa akin. He was wearing his favorite maroon boxers and his white shirt.

“What did they say?”

“They said that it’s okay if I want to, but they also asked me kung ano ang sinabi ng pamilya mo. Kung hindi daw sila payag, they’ll help me find a condo for myself.”

I also needed to talk to Ate Gina. I needed to gather myself. I did not want to cry in front of her again because I knew that she loves me, and if she sees me crying again, she’d reconsider moving. But this was for the best. And she would just be in Bulacan. Austin’s right—we could always visit them.

“I have talked to my parents,” he said.

“What did they say?”

“They asked if I was sure. And I said I’m very sure.”

“So, I’m moving in?”

Tumingin siya sa akin. His brows were slightly furrowed. “They also had some reservations,” sabi niya. “They said that they’re not very fond of the idea of us ‘living in sin.’”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Living in sin?”

He nodded. “Since we’re not married, but we’re planning to live together. It’s against their belief.”

“But your Dad has a daughter outside of the marriage,” I said. “That’s against the Catholic faith, too,” I added, because I could not understand the logic. Was the belief firm or subject to some limitations? Some sins are acceptable, others are not? Where is the line?

Austin nodded. “I know.”

“Then why is living together before marriage worse than breaking your marriage vows and having a child with someone other than your wife?”

Austin shrugged. “I honestly don’t understand,” he said, at saka siya sumandal sa couch. He was staring at the ceiling. Napa-sandal din ako sa couch, at napa-tingin sa itaas. He has a very good taste. Even the light fixtures in his condo were very aesthetically pleasing to the eyes.

“So, I’m not moving in?” I asked because if that’s the case, I needed to contact Jackie. I really liked Austin’s condo. I needed to find a condo that’s just as good as this, but must be within budget. And safe—that’s my parents’ first priority.

“You’re moving in,” Austin said.

“Your parents do not approve of this.”

“Too bad,” he said. “But I can make my own decisions.”

“Okay.”

And then he reached for my hand and held it.

“Karaminah Viel,” he said.

“Yes, Austin Archangel?” I replied. Napa-ayos siya ng upo at napa-tingin sa akin. Napa-ayos din ako ng upo. His eyes were wide open. Napa-kunot ang noo ko. “Why?” I asked.

He just smiled and shook his head. “Do you know that I love you?” My lips parted. I blinked. He smiled and then shrugged. “I just want to tell you,” sabi niya tapos ay tumayo na tapos ay pumunta sa kusina at saka binuksan iyong ref.

He loves me.

He just told me he loves me.

Oh.

“Austin,” I said while his back was on me. “Baby,” I called again, this time louder. Lumingon siya sa akin habang naka-hawak pa rin iyong kanang kamay niya sa may itaas na bahagi ng pinto ng ref.

“Yeah?” he replied, his forehead slightly creased.

“I love you,” I said. Naka-hinga ako nang maluwag. There. I finally said it.

His lips parted. “…really?”

I nodded. “Yes. Of course.”

“Oh. Wow.”

“Did you not think that I love you?” I asked because he looked so surprised.

“I just thought you really, really like me,” he said, his forehead slightly creased.

“Well, you thought wrong because I love you,” I replied.

A smile appeared on his face. “You love me.”

I nodded. “Very much so.”

Isinara niya iyong pinto ng ref at saka naglakad papunta sa akin. I was still on the couch at naka-tayo siya sa likuran nito. I was looking up at him because he’s still so very tall. I would never get used to how tall he was.

And then he crouched down so we’re face to face.

“I love you,” he said, staring directly into my eyes.

“I love you,” I replied, staring back.

He smiled. “We love each other.”

“Yes,” I said. “But will you cook now? I’m actually very hungry,” I continued. Natawa siya at saka hinalikan ako sa labi bago tumayo at naglakad pabalik sa kusina at tinanong ako kung ano ang gusto kong kainin.

---

The next day, I went downstairs with my iPad in my arms. Ate Gina was cooking. I must’ve been very quiet kaya hindi niya napansin na nandoon ako kaya naman halos mapa-talon siya nang makita niya ako.

“Itong batang ito! Kanina ka pa ba d’yan?” she asked, her right hand on her chest.

I nodded. “Matatapos ka na bang magluto? I have something to tell you,” I said.

“Patapos naman na ’to. Ano sasabihin mo?”

“I’ll just wait until you’re done,” sabi ko tapos ay naupo ako. I saved different style for bungalow house. I would tell Ate Gina about the plan to move out after my graduation ceremony. Then we’d have to start planning for their house, but of course, the final say would still be with them dahil bahay nila iyon.

“Tapos na akong magluto. Sabihin mo kapag kakain ka na,” she said.

I nodded. “Ate Gina,” I said, drawing a deep breath. “I talked to my parents and I talked to Austin—I would move in with Austin pagkatapos ng graduation ceremony ko sa June.”

“Dahil ba ’to sa sinabi ko? ’Di naman kita pinapaalis sa bahay na ’to. Grabe naman ’to, Karaminah Viel! Grabe ka naman magtampo!” sabi niya tapos ay biglang namumula na ang mga mata niya at umiiyak na siya at nagsasalita na ng Ilocano kaya hindi ko maintindihan kung ano ang sinasabi niya. My forehead was just creased while she was saying her litany.

“I did not understand a word you said,” sabi ko nang tumigil na siya.

Nagpahid siya ng luha. “Ang sabi ko lang naman e bakit naman ganyan! Sabi ko naman kahit magtrenta ka rito! ’Di ko naman sinabi na umalis ka agad! Napaka-grabe naman nito. Nakaka-sama ka ng loob, ha.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Ate Gina—”

“Alam mo namang parang anak na kita kahit hindi ako ang nag-ire sa ’yo sa mundo na ’to. Dapat pala ’di ko na binanggit ’yang pag-alis. Aba’t talagang ’di mo ko kinibo ng ilang araw. Nakaka-tampo ka talaga.”

I drew a deep breath.

“I admit na nagulat ako sa sinabi mo na aalis ka, but I realized that it’s time,” I said before the misunderstanding gets bigger. I also did not want to cry again. Talking about them moving out was making me uncontrollably cry. “I would love to move in with Austin, Ate Gina. Hindi mo ako pinaalis sa bahay,” I said, clarifying.

“Talaga?” she asked, wiping her tears.

“Talaga,” I said. “I would move on in June. It’s just February.”

“Okay… Medyo matagal pa pala. Doon ba kayo sa condo ni Austin?”

I nodded. “Yes. It’s really nice there. Austin said na doon kayo magdinner minsan. He’s a really good cook.”

Ngumiti si Ate Gina. “Gustung-gusto ko talaga ’yung batang ’yon para sa ’yo.”

“I like him for me, too,” I said. “But before I forget, since I’m here until June, Mama gave me the permission to tell you that if you want… they’ll finance the building of your bungalow.” Her eyes widened tapos ay malakas niyang isinigaw iyong pangalan ni Kuya Robert hanggang nasa harapan ko na silang dalawa at ipinaliwanag ko kung ano ang mangyayari. Suffice to say, I had two grown adults crying before me.

---

“So, we’re officially moving in?” Austin asked.

The whole day was spent looking at different designs for the house. Ate Gina and Kuya Robert were so excited. Ate Gina was more excited about the furniture and the appliances while Kuya Robert was firm on the small backyard dahil gusto niya raw magtanim ng gulay. We planned the whole day. It was fun.

“Yes,” I replied. “They told me they’ll have a room for me in their house. I cried again.”

Austin hugged me tighter and kissed the side of my head. “I promise we’ll always visit them,” sabi niya.

“Also… how about BV and Blue? Wala ng mag-aalaga sa kanila doon kapag umalis sila Ate Gina.”

“They’ll move in here, too. I thought that was already understood?”

Tumingin ako sa kanya. We were already in bed. I sometimes sleep here. My family didn’t ask. When I tell them I’ll see them tomorrow, it’s already understood.

“Oh,” I said. “That’s good to hear.”

“Do you want to stay here or do you want us to find a different place?” he asked.

“No, I really like this place. But how much is the rent? I’m not earning regularly. I think kapag mas established na ako sa industry.”

Austin laughed. I felt his body vibrating because of his laughter kaya naman napa-tingin ako sa kanya. “I won’t ask you to pay rent,” he said.

“Isn’t that unfair?”

“Is it?” he asked. “I think it’s more unfair if I’ll ask you to pay when you’re not earning much yet? Just pay when you’re able,” he said. “Does that sound fair?”

“Hmm… maybe. But I’ll pay for grocery. I think I can afford that.”

“Okay,” I replied. He yawned. “Inaantok ka na?”

“A little.”

“Let’s sleep,” I said as he held me inside his arms and we both fell asleep. 

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Chapter 60

Chapter 60

There were two graduations—one for the college and one for the university. I attended the college graduation with my family and Austin. The ceremony went as stated on the program given to us. Kaka-tapos lang nung graduation at nasa labas na kami. Ate Gina was the one holding the camera and instructing us kung ano ang gagawin namin. There was a photo with me and my parents, with me and Ate Gina and Kuya Robert, with me and my parents and Ate Gina and Kuya Robert, with everyone, and finally, with Austin and me.

I was wearing a white modern Filipiniana dress, a sablay on my shoulders, and white ballet flats. Ate Gina ironed my hair ealier and put a sunflower hairclip on the side. Austin was wearing a navy blue denim pants, white polo that was folded up until the middle of his arms, and derby shoes.

“Wag ka ng mahiya—akbayan mo na,” Kuya Robert said while Austin and I were posing for a picture. Austin did not move. “Karma, ikaw na nga umakbay d’yan sa boyfriend mo.”

“Hindi ko abot,” sagot ko.

“Aalis muna kami para ’di kayo mahiya. Magkita na lang tayo sa resto,” Papa said tapos ay nagpaalam sila pagkatapos sabihin na maghihintay sila sa sasakyan para kina Kuya Robert.

“Oh, akbay na,” Kuya Robert said.

I looked at Austin and he was already looking at me. And then I felt his arm on my shoulder. “Happy graduation,” he said.

“Thank you,” I replied, still looking at him nang maka-rinig kami ng flash mula sa camera ni Ate Gina.

The pictorial continued against my desire. After ten more poses, natapos na kami. Pumunta na sila Ate Gina sa parking habang kami naman ni Austin ay sa kabilang parking. He arrived late before of work kaya sa ibang lugar siya nagpark.

“You finally graduated,” he said while we were walking.

“I graduated last January pa.”

“I mean the ceremony.”

“Right,” I replied. “I guess you’re right.”

“Have you finished packing?” he asked.

His parents were not delighted when Austin announced that I would be moving in with him. I still remembered how Psalm choked on the chicken he was eating nang sabihin iyon ni Austin. He looked so surprised while Saint just high-fived Austin.

They asked me if I was sure that I wanted to live with Austin kahit hindi kami kasal. I said I was sure. That was the end of discussion about it. We ended up in Tagaytay with Austin’s brothers and some of his cousins. It was fun, but tiring. I slept the whole day next day.

“Yes,” I said.

“Should we hire a moving truck?”

“I think mas maganda if I would move gradually.”

“Okay,” he replied. “The walk-in closet’s already done,” he added. There were two rooms in his condo—one was his room and the other one was supposed to be his work area. But since I was moving in, iyong work area ay magiging walk-in closet para doon ilalagay iyong mga gamit namin. I guess we’d just work in the sala. The couch was very comfortable, anyway.

“Tapos na rin iyong bahay nila Ate Gina,” I said, and then we talked about what we would give them as a housewarming gift. Today was Ate Gina and Kuya Robert’s last day in the house. Aalis na rin sila bukas. They really just waited for my graduation.

I would really miss them.

“This feels like the end of an era,” I told Austin. “I’m moving. They’re moving.”

“I think it’s easier to think of this as… a start of a new era,” he replied, and then reached for my hand and held it. “It’s our era.”

I looked at him and smiled. “I like the sound of that.”

---

“Thank you,” sabi ko nang abutan ako ni Austin ng baso ng tubig. We were sitting on the pavement outside our house. Normally, I would not sit here. But the truck that was carrying Ate Gina and Kuya Robert’s things just left. I just wanted to sit and absorb everything.

Nang tumingin ako sa relo ko ay 32 minutes na ang lumipas. I did not notice it because Austin was just quietly sitting beside me. He went here early in the morning to help load the truck with their things. Kanina ay pawis na pawis pa siya, pero ngayon ay tuyo na iyong pawis niya.

“No one would cook,” I said.

“Let’s order,” he replied.

“Okay,” sabi ko. “Paano kakain sila Mama? Wala ng magluluto?”

“They’re adults—I think they can figure it out.”

“I suppose they can just have food delivered… Paano iyong bahay? Sino ang maglilinis? And iyong pool?” I asked because I once saw it being cleaned and it looked like it was a lot of work.

“They can hire people,” Austin replied.

“Okay…”

“If you’re that worried, we can schedule dinners here twice or thrice a week,” he offered.

“Really?” I asked because even if the condo was near our house, it would still require effort.

Austin nodded. “Of course. Or they can have dinner at our place.”

“Our place,” I repeated. That sounded strange in my ears.

Austin nodded again. “Yes—our place,” he said, standing up and offering his hand to me. “I’m starving. Let’s just have a takeout so it’s quicker,” he continued and then we asked my parents kung ano ang gusto nilang kainin at nagtakeout kami roon.

After the lunch, my parents were tired from helping so they took an afternoon nap. Naiwan kami ni Austin sa may sala. We were just sitting side by side.

“Pwede ba na kunin mo na iyong ibang box ng damit ko? I think hindi kasya lahat bukas,” sabi ko sa kanya.

“Yeah, sure,” he replied.

“We’d have to get it from my room.”

“I… would go to your room?”

I nodded. “Hindi ko kayang ibaba. Mabigat.”

“Okay…” he said, his brow furrowed. I looked at him. “It’s just that I’d never been in your room.”

“I know,” I replied, standing up. “I’m extending the privilege now,” sabi ko at saka naglakad ako papunta sa hagdan. I felt him following me. Umakyat ako sa kwarto ko at saka binuksan iyong pinto. Austin was standing outside my door. I looked at him. “You can come inside.”

“Okay,” he replied as he looked around my room. My room was just simple—the colors were white, light brown, and pastel blue. All of my furniture were from Ikea because I liked the simplicity of their design. I really liked my bed, but I also liked Austin’s bed. He asked if I wanted him to get a bigger bed, but his king-sized bed was already enough for us. Kung mas lalakihan pa iyon ay pwede na kaming maglaro sa kama niya.

“Is this the box?” he asked. I looked at him and when he tried to carry the box, the cover was removed. His forehead creased. I walked towards him and tried to close the box, but Austin already saw the contents. “Why… is my name written on the paper?” he asked. Nasa storage area iyong box na ’to kasama iyong ibang notebook ko, pero iniakyat dahil baka masama sa mga dadalhin sa probinsya nila Ate Gina.

“It was for one of my exercises,” I said.

“With my name involved?” he asked.

I nodded. “When you told me before that we should just be friends, I did not recognize that that was heartbreak I was experiencing. Even hearing your name was enough to put me in a bad mood,” I told him. He pressed his lips together and he was staring at me intently. “So I was told to write your name over and over again hanggang sa masanay ako na makita at mabasa ’yan.”

I carried the box and put it on the side of the room. Hindi ko naman dadalhin iyon sa condo. This would stay in this room.

“That’s why you don’t want to say my name,” he said.

I nodded. “It’s hard to learn it again after I tried so hard to unlearn it,” I told him.

“I’m sorry for forcing you to call me that.”

“It’s okay—you didn’t know,” sabi ko.

“You can just call me Austin if you want.”

“I thought baby?” I asked.

“Or that,” he replied. “Or whatever. Call me whatever you want to call me—I’ll always answer to you, anyway.”

“Okay…” I said. “I think I’ll start calling you AA.”

“Fine,” he said, frowning a little. “If you do that, I’ll call you BB.”

“But my initials would be KV.”

He shrugged. “BB sounds better.”

“But it’s not my name.”

“Then I’ll just call you baby,” he said tapos ay binuhat niya na iyong box na may laman na damit ko. That was very heavy, but he lifted it like it weighed nothing. He’s really strong.

Dinala niya sa sasakyan niya iyong tatlong box. After that, he helped me clean out my room para kapag babalik dito ay kukunin na lang iyong box. It was time consuming. It was already dinner time when we finished.

“Stay for dinner,” Mama said. “We already ordered food.”

“Thank you po,” Austin replied, and right after he said that ay dumating na iyong pagkain. Since normally, it was Ate Gina who would fix everything, kami ni Austin iyong naglagay ng mga plato. We transferred the food to a serving plate.

“Let’s eat,” Mama said tapos ay napa-tingin siya kay Austin. “Or do you want to say grace?”

Austin shook his head. “No, it’s fine,” sabi niya tapos ay nang magsimulang kumuha sila Mama ng pagkain ay tahimik na nagsign of the cross si Austin.

Everyone was hungry from all the lifting and the pushing of boxes. We quietly devoured the food. After the dinner, for some reason, Papa asked Austin to accompany him para bumili ng yelo kahit may ice cubes naman kami sa ref.

“Karaminah Viel,” Mama called.

“Yes?” I replied.

“I don’t want to talk about this if I have a choice, but what birth control plan are you using?” she asked, looking directly into my eyes.

I blinked. “Oh,” I said. Suddenly, my mind went blank.

“It’s your life and you should do as you please, but as I see it, you’re just beginning to enjoy everything. It would make me feel more at ease to know that you’re being smart about your decisions.”

I blinked again.

My mind was failing me.

“If you’re not using any birth control, Jackie can schedule an appointment with an OB,” Mama said.

My eyes were opened wider than usual. “I’m on pills,” I replied.

Mama nodded tapos ay tumayo at iniwan na ako. I was left there with my eyes still opened wider than usual. Nang bumalik si Austin ay ganoon din ang itsura niya. When I asked him about what happened to him, he just shook his head.

---

A week after Ate Gina left, I completed moving in with Austin. Nandoon na lahat ng mga damit ko. Iyong mga naiwan na lang sa bahay ay iyong mga lumang notebooks ko. Hindi na sila kasya sa condo. Austin said that when we get a house, we’d just pick up the boxes.

We were on the couch, both our backs were rested against it. An episode of Hell’s Kitchen was playing on the background, but we were not watching because we were busy kissing.

“We should finish deciding kung ano iyong pagkain,” I said as he was kissing the side of my neck.

“I told you there are packages for the food,” he replied.

“Yes, I know, but is there a vegetarian sa mga guests natin?” I asked while his hands were snaking their way inside my shirt to unhook my bra.

“None that I know of,” he replied. “Saint’s a bit picky with food, but if he doesn’t like what’s being served, he should get his own.”

“That’s not very nice.”

“Well, he made me his slave all throughout college—I think it’s fair,” he replied as he threw my bra on the carpeted floor.

“To be fair, you always lose in your bet,” I answered as I straddled his legs. I grabbed the notepad with the list of the food we’d have to order for next week’s housewarming.

“I think it’s safe to assume that he used some questionable methods.”

“Or you’re just a sore loser,” I replied. He frowned. I leaned in and kissed him on the lips. “Let’s finish our list first and then we can continue this later,” I added because we really needed to finish this dahil bukas ay pupunta pa kami sa Bulacan para sa housewarming ng bahay nila Ate Gina.

I stood up and Austin groaned while he followed me. We stayed in the kitchen as we finished our list. Pupunta lahat ng kamag-anak niya. I really doubted if we’d fit here.

“We’re done,” Austin said after we discussed for an hour—his family’s really picky. “Can we now continue?” he asked and as I nodded, he picked me up and put me over his shoulder and walked towards our room.  

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Epilogue

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed AusKar’s story. If you want to see more of them, you can read TAOFI (The Art of Faking It - Dom and Zondra’s story). 

Epilogue

“We have to get up,” I said as Austin was still pretending to be asleep. I had noticed the past three days that Austin had the tendency to pretend to be asleep. Alam ko na gising na siya dahil iba na iyong paraan ng paghinga niya. But even when he’s already awake, he’d just pull me close to his chest and continue to just hug me until the alarm begins to ring. This had been our mornings the past few days.

“What time is it?” he asked.

“7AM.”

“Okay,” he said as his arms left my torso. I watched as he stretched his arms and yawned. His curly hair was messy. It looked cute, for some reason. Napa-tingin siya sa akin. “What?” he asked.

“I really like your hair,” I said.

Napa-hawak siya sa buhok niya. “Thank you?”

“Has anyone ever told you that you look like a broccoli?”

His forehead creased. “Is that… a compliment?”

I shrugged. “Take that as you will,” sabi ko tapos ay tumayo na rin ako mula sa kama namin. Dumiretso ako sa CR at naka-sunod sa akin si Austin. We both got our toothbrush and began brushing our teeth. Tapos ay lumabas na kami. I sat on the stool by the kitchen island while Austin prepared our morning coffee.

“I don’t think they can all fit here,” I said.

“We’ll just ask them to leave after thirty minutes.”

“That will not be rude?”

He laughed. “It will be—but what can we do? Hindi tayo kasya lahat dito,” he said.

Austin has a big family and everyone insisted na pupunta sila rito. He has his siblings, his cousins, his uncles and aunties, and his grandparents. While I have my family and Dominic and Zondra. I also invited George, Serj, and Kaleigh but they said they couldn’t come because of work. It was fine. I just wanted to invite them. And then we both invited the players from SCA.

“Hindi nga talaga tayo kasya,” I said after imagining everyone invited. Austin’s cousins were all tall kahit iyong mga babae. Pati iyong mga basketball players ay malalaki. Ano kaya ang mangyayari mamaya? I was curious already.

“I think they’ll voluntarily leave once they notice that we’re already at capacity.”

“Okay,” I said. I, too, would not stay in a place kapag masikip na. I would leave, too.

After our morning coffee, Austin and I cleaned the condo again. He taught me how to use the vacuum while he was changing the sheets of our bed. We did that the entire morning until we were sure na malinis na lahat. And then we had lunch. Tapos ay pumunta kami sa mall para bumili ng wine at alcohol para sa mga tao mamaya. Pagbalik namin sa condo ay naligo lang kami at hinintay iyong delivery ng pagkain.

“Everything’s set,” I said habang naka-ayos na sa may kitchen island iyong mga pagkain. We got disposable plates dahil lima lang iyong plato sa condo. It was illogical to buy more plates dahil dalawa lang naman kami.

“I think I’ll order pizza in advance,” sabi niya.

“Why?”

“Phil. Jed. Matt,” he recited.

“Oh…” I said, remembering kung gaano kalakas kumain sila. “Yes. Do that.”

Austin placed an advance order of pizza to be delivered later at 9PM. We scheduled the arrival of the guests with one hour intervals—pinauna namin iyong pamilya niya at pamilya ko para mauna na rin silang umalis.

“Ready?” Austin asked when there was a knock on the door. The receptionist on the lobby already called us in advance to notify us of their arrival.

“Not really,” I replied tapos ay sabay kaming naglakad papunta sa pintuan.

“Happy—” Psalm said and then stopped. “I actually don’t know what to say. Happy housewarming… I guess?” sabi niya tapos ay iniabot kay Austin iyong dala niyang halaman. Tumingin siya sa akin. “Hey, sis.”

“Hi,” I replied.

“Can I come in?”

“Yes, of course,” I said, getting out of the way para maka-pasok siya.

“It’s actually my first time here.”

“Really? Austin’s been here for a while.”

“Yeah, but no one’s allowed here,” sabi niya tapos ay tumingin kay Austin. “Sneaky, sneaky.”

Saint rolled his eyes. “Just say you’re jealous and go,” sabi ni Saint tapos ay tumingin sa akin at ngumiti at binati rin ako ng happy moving-in tapos ay pinagalitan siya ng lola niya.

Since this was the first time anyone’s ever been in the unit, lahat ng sulok ay tinignan nila. Austin was right to decide na labhan lahat ng madumi naming damit dahil pati iyon ay pinakailamanan nila. They’re a curious bunch. We really made the right decision na dalhin sa pet hotel sina Blue at BV dahil masstress sila sa dami ng tao ngayon. I bet they’re having fun.

“Everything’s okay?” Mama asked.

I nodded. “Yes. I know how to clean now.”

“Talaga?” sabi ni Ate Gina.

I nodded. “Yes. Tinuruan ako ni Austin na maghugas ng plato at magvacuum. But I can say na hindi ko gustong maghugas ng plato. I would rather vacuum the entire unit.”

Tinawanan ako ni Ate Gina at Kuya Robert. Tapos ay nag-usap lang kami tungkol sa buhay nila sa probinsya. They adopted a cat and a dog and Kuya Robert already started planting his vegetables—nagtanim siya ng sitaw, talong, at okra. Sinabi niya na sa unang ani niya ay luluwas siya para ibigay sa amin ni Austin.

I stayed with my family while Austin was in charged with his family. They were a lot, but his cousins were mostly quiet and observant. He could handle them.

And true to what he said, an hour later, nagpaalam na sila na aalis na sila nang dumating na iyong mga players from SCA.

“Karms!” Jed said upon seeing me.

I did not want to answer, but I was trying to change, so I forced a smile as he greeted me. “Karma or Karaminah,” I said.

He laughed. “Fine… Happy housewarming, Karma,” he replied, giving me a bottle of wine. This was the one wine that I actually liked, so I thanked Jed for this.

Austin’s family and my family didn’t really eat a lot kaya halos hindi pa nagagalaw iyong mga pagkain. They began to eat while I wait for Dominic and Zondra to arrive. Naka-bukas na iyong TV at nanonood sila ng NBA game. Saint wanted to stay, but he needed to leave kaya naman si Psalm na lang ang naiwan at nanonood din siya ng game. They looked like they’re having a lot of fun kahit nanonood lang naman sila ng laro. I guessed they’d never really get tired of basketball.

“We didn’t know what to get you,” Zondra said, frowning, pagdating nilang dalawa.

“I think we got into a fight,” Dominic said, his forehead slightly creased like he was confused.

“I just wanted to get them something!” Zondra replied, looking like she was about to cry. “I didn’t want to go here emptyhanded.”

My forehead was creased.

“Are you two fighting?”

“No,” sabay nilang sagot.

“See? There’s a table full of gifts and wala tayong dala, Dominic Olivier Miller!” Zo said, and then she looked at me. “I’m really, really sorry, Karma. I’m so embarrassed.”

“It’s okay,” I said. “Gifts aren’t required.”

“But—” Tumingin siya kay Dominic. “We’ll get them a gift.”

“Yes,” sagot ni Dominic. “I just said that we better ask them first about what they want or need because Karma said that the unit’s already complete. I just don’t want our gift to be wasted. That’s all I’m saying,” Dominic calmly explained.

Zo sighed. “Okay… I’m sorry I didn’t listen.”

“It’s okay,” Dominic said, pinching her cheek. “We’ll get you your gift next week,” sabi niya sa akin tapos ay pumasok na kami sa loob ng unit.

Dominic wasn’t from SCA, but he was friends with all of them, so he introduced Zondra to everyone. While they were all busy, I walked back to the room to breathe. Pagbukas ko ng pinto ay nakita ko si Austin na nandoon at naka-upo sa may couch.

“When will they leave?” I asked.

Austin shrugged. “I guess after the game.”

Naupo ako sa tabi niya. Sinandal ko iyong ulo ko sa may balikat niya. I guess this would be the last party we’ll throw because it’s more tiring than expected. The next time, sa restaurant na lang para aalis na lang kami pagkatapos.

“Karaminah Viel,” Austin said.

“Yes?” I replied.

“I was asked that if ever, would I want to be appointed in Madrid.”

“For work?”

“Yes. The ambassador’s retiring in a few years, so they’re already looking to bring in someone to train for the position. I just want to ask.”

“If it’s for work, then you should say yes.”

“Will you come with me?”

“Sa Madrid?”

“Yes,” he replied. “Because if I go there, I need you to come with me. If you don’t want to, I’ll stay here.”

“Do you want to go there?”

“I don’t have strong feelings about it,” he said. “I’ll only start considering it if you’re willing to live there with me. If not, I’m good with being here.”

I nodded. “I’ll think about it.”

“Thank you,” he replied, planting a kiss on the top of my head. “No pressure—I’m fine with whatever.”

“I know,” I said. “But I don’t think I can decide if I want to live there when I’ve never been there.”

“Hmm… you’re right. I actually have to go there next month… do you want to go with me?”

“Pwede ba ’yon? It’s for your work.”

“I’m not working 24/7,” he replied. “You can stay in the hotel while I go to work and then we’ll go around Madrid at night. Or if you feel comfortable, you can tour around during day. It’s relatively easy to navigate Madrid.”

“Maganda ba ’don?”

“Very,” he replied. “I seriously think you’ll like it there.”

“Better than how I’ll like Paris?”

“We can go to Paris after,” he said. “I’ll just extend our stay there. Paris’ just an hour away.”

“Okay. But I don’t have a visa.”

“Your boyfriend works in the embassy.”

“Oh… That’s right,” I said, looking at him. “You’re willing to use your connection for me?” I asked because he said that growing up in a political family, he was never really into using his name to get things that he wanted. He mentioned before that he was supposed to be the valedictorian, but rumors started that his family bought the award for him. But I knew Austin—he’s really smart. I was sure he deserved every inch of that award.

“Or…” sabi niya. “I’ll just help you collate your files, and then I’ll submit it for normal processing.”

I nodded. “Okay. What do I need?” I asked and then we discussed kung anong mga documents ang kailangan kong ipasa hanggang sa katukin na kami para lumabas at ientertain ang mga kaibigan namin.

---

The day after the housewarming ay nag-ayos na ako ng documents para sa visa ko. I asked my parents about my birth certificate. I told them when they asked kung bakit ko kailangan.

“Madrid?” Mama asked.

I nodded. “It’s not yet decided.”

“I know but… wow.”

Napa-kunot ang noo ko. Ito ang unang beses na narinig ko iyong mga salita na iyon sa kanya.

“How about the cats?” Mama asked.

“I’ll ask Ate Gina,” I replied. “Pero kapag doon na kami, of course we’ll bring them with us.”

Mama said that I should see Madrid first and then decide for myself because ultimately, ako naman ang titira doon. And then Papa told me that he’s very proud of how far I’ve come—he also said that they didn’t think I’d ever move out of the house and that they were actually prepared to support me forever, but that now, I was already considering living abroad.

I really have come so far.

“Dumating na ’yung passport,” sabi ko pagdating ni Austin galing sa trabaho.

“Approved?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

He grinned. “I’ll just take a quick shower and then let’s book your flight,” sabi niya tapos ay pumunta siya sa CR para magpalit. I just continued polishing my script dahil ipapasa ko na iyon. I had been working as a freelancer in a TV station. George recommended me, but said that if I do good, magiging permanent din naman ako. I just needed to continue working harder.

Pagbalik ni Austin ay naka-suot na siya ng black board shorts, white shirt, tapos ay may maliit na towel at tinu-tuyo niya iyong buhok niya. He smelled like fresh soap. I really liked how he smells after he showers.

“I managed to get another week,” sabi niya. “So, we’ll be there for two weeks,” he continued. “Madrid for the first week and Paris on the second?”

I nodded. “Can’t we go to Switzerland?”

“We can… but I don’t think you’ll enjoy if we’ll just stay for two days. We can just do a separate trip for that.”

“Okay,” I replied.

Austin’s ticket was first class because it’s a work trip. I told him I didn’t mind na sa economy ako because I would just sleep through the flight. But Austin said that it’s a long flight and he wanted me to be comfortable, so he booked a first class ticket for me, too.

“Do you really earn that much?” I asked because he gives me expensive gifts and he wears expensive watches. Even his condo was a luxury condo.

“From work? Not really,” sagot niya.

“Trust fund?”

“Haven’t touched that yet,” he replied. “Most of what I spend is from dividends,” he continued and then explained to me kung saan nanggagaling iyong pera niya. Most of what he saved from when he was still studying and what he earned from basketball ay ininvest niya. He’s good with money, too.

“Can you teach me kung paano ’yan?”

“You want to invest, too?”

I nodded. “I want my own money,” I replied.

Austin basically pays for everything, and he says he’s good with that, but I still want my own money. I didn’t like asking him to get me things. And I want to get him things, too. The last gift I gave him was the book set that he displayed in our room.

“Okay,” he said. “I’ll teach you this weekend.”

“Thank you,” I replied. He smiled at me tapos ay nanood na kami ng Netflix.

---

The day of our flight ay dumaan kami kina Mama dahil sila ang magdadala kina Blue at BV sa probinsya. They told us to take care. Papa pulled me to the side and gave me his debit account and told me to enjoy.

“I have my own card,” sabi ko sa kanya. My parents stopped giving me allowance already.

“Mas maraming laman ’to.”

“Oh. Thank you,” I replied. “Kahit ilan pwede kong kunin?”

“Wag mo namang ubusin.”

“Okay.”

“Lagi mong dalhin cellphone mo tapos may emergency money ka. Saka kabisaduhin mo ’yung address ng hotel,” Papa reminded me.

I nodded and listened to all his reminders. Tapos ay bumalik na kami ni Austin sa condo para kunin iyong mga gamit namin. We just booked a ride to the airport. We didn’t want to inconvenience anybody to give us a ride. And we also did not want to leave the car there.

“Passport, tickets, ID?” Austin asked.

“In my bag.”

“Everything’s unplugged?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

He looked at me. “Ready for Madrid and Paris?” he asked.

I nodded at him and smiled. “Ready,” I replied, ready for anything as long as I was doing it with him. 

***This book is available at Eydee Aldea Sandoval / Eydee GDL on facebook. Hardbound with 10 special chapter and Austin’s POV.