About The Story

(Game Series # 10) Tali coursed through life with ease. Coming from a family full of lawyers, she knew that getting a job would not be a problem. Kailangan niya lang pumasa sa school at pumasa sa BAR exam. Madali lang naman iyon lalo na kung wala ka namang ibang iniisip kung hindi ang mag-aral. Hindi niya kailangang isipin kung may pambili ba siya ng libro o pambayad ng tuition. 

Life had been really good to her. 

But one night, she met this guy named Lui… She had heard stories about him, but has never really met him. And when she finally put a face to the name, that was when she understood the stories about him. Nakaka-baliw nga pala talaga iyong lalaki na iyon. There’s just something about him that makes you want to say yes… 

So, she said yes. Yes to kissing him. Yes to making out with him. Yes to everything. 

Tali told herself that it was just for one night, but she found herself wanting for me despite all the protest of the people around her. She kept on convincing herself that he’s not worth it… but she knew the moment his lips touched hers, it was already game over.

Chapter 00

Chapter 00

“Siguraduhin niyo lang na mag-e-enjoy ako dito kaysa sa Japan,” naka-simangot na sabi ko kina Alisha habang nasa sasakyan kami. Today’s the last day of our final exam ever in law school. Sabi nga nila, it’s been a long time coming but we’re here now. Ilang beses kong inisip na matatanggal na ako sa school. Parang naging ritual ko na na maghanap ng school na lilipatan kasi every end of the year, I felt like babagsak ako sa mga subjects ko…

But weirdly enough, nakaka-pasa naman ako sa mga subjects ko. I mean, nowhere near stellar grades, but who freaking cares? As long as pumasa ako, okay na ’yon. Anyone who would say otherwise can kiss my freaking ass.

Alisha rolled her eyes. “Japan’s still gonna be there tomorrow.”

“I know, but come on… Party? Again?”

Alisha shushed me. “Tonight’s not just a party—it’s the party.”

It was my turn to roll my eyes. “If you say so.”

Being a member of a sorority, I had been to countless parties. They’re all the same, in my opinion. We’d get drunk, dance, flirt with some cute frat guys, and then repeat. At one point, nakaka-pagod na rin. So, when I was in my third year, I decided to slow down. Medyo mahirap din kasi iyong mga subject kaya naman ginamit ko iyon na reason para hindi sumama palagi kapag nagpaparty sila.

Also, I felt like medyo kailangan ko na magseryoso. Nung first and second year ko, BAR exam felt like million years away… Pero nung third year na ako? Nagstart na na maramdaman ko iyong pressure. Kasi after ng third year, fourth year na. Tapos ay BAR season na.

Grabe… ang bilis ng panahon!

“We’re here!” Brianna announced.

Mentally, I was already preparing my luggage. Dapat kasi talaga mamaya na iyong flight ko papuntang Japan. That was my reward for finishing law school—I mean, hopefully, but the jury’s still out! Pero Alisha convinced me to move my flight kasi dapat daw kaming magparty together after our exam.

Fine, whatever.

Another freaking party to add to the dozens of parties I attended.

Alisha had to drag me na para bang tatakbuhan ko sila. Papasok pa lang kami sa club, but I already saw a lot of familiar faces. It’s been quite a while na nga rin pala… Buong fourth year kasi ay hindi talaga ako naka-party dahil sa dami ng ginagawa sa school. I would seriously rather sleep than drink. Sobrang nakakamatay iyong study load. Akala ko joke lang kasi naaral na naman namin dati ’yon, but as it turned out, sobrang nakaka-stress pala talaga siya. Imagine studying for a day iyong isang sem mo inaral before? It’s maddening!

“What do you want?” Brianna asked me nung makarating kami sa couch namin.

“Sino nandito?” I asked kasi ang daming tao. Siguro dahil end of the school year party?

“The usual,” she replied as she poured me a drink.

I looked around and frowned when I saw iyong table ng Alpha Phi. “Nandito si Zach?” I asked, frowning.

“Yeah, but let’s just ignore him,” she said. “If he bothers you, tell me immediately. His frat’s aware naman what kind of a headache Zach is.”

“Okay,” I replied as I got the drink she poured me.

I sat on the couch and just watched as everyone around me was trying to get wasted—the others, tho, were already there. I mean, it was only 11PM. I’d argue that the night’s still young, but baka na-stress lang din sila sa exam kanina kaya gusto na nilang malasing agad para malimutan namin iyong mga sinagot namin. Commrev kicked my freaking ass earlier.

“Come on, let’s dance!” Alisha said nang balikan niya ako sa couch. Kanina pa siya sa gitna ng dance floor. The music’s actually quite good, but I really was in no mood to dance. I was tired from the whole week of intense studying for the finals. Nandito lang talaga ako kasi kinonsensya nila ako na last party na namin ’to kasi magsstart na kami ng review for the BAR.

“Not yet drunk enough,” I told her. I had been nursing my glass of vodka and tonic for quite a while. Ayoko kasi talagang uminom—at least ayokong malasing ngayon. Mag-aayos pa ako ng gamit ko para sa Japan trip ko. Super dami kasi ginawa the whole week kaya wala pa talaga akong naaayos. And just thinking about doing my errands with a hangover was enough to make me not drink.

She frowned at me and then got the bottle of tequila and handed me a shot glass. “Then let’s remedy the problem,” she said as she poured me a drink. Halos matapon na iyon kasi punung-puno. “To our last final exam in law school,” she said as she raised her shot glass.

I rolled my eyes as I clanked my glass with hers. “Cheers to that,” I said.

“One more,” she said tapos ay nilagyan agad ulit iyong shotglass ko. “To Q,” she continued.

“Ugh, fine,” I replied as I raised my glass again. “To Q,” I added as I downed another shot glass of tequila bago ako hinila ni Alisha papunta sa dance floor.

A remix of Usher’s Love In This Club was playing habang nasa gitna kami ng dance floor. Alisha was jumping and she was full of energy na parang nahawa na rin ako… And I think that the two shots of tequila was working its magic dahil nag-e-enjoy na ako sa malakas na tugtog unlike kanina na naiingayan ako.

“See? It’s fun!” she said as she’s still jumping and trying to get me to do the same.

“It is,” I replied as I tried to dance and feel the music.

“Come on, jump with me,” pamimilit niya sa akin.

“No, I’m fine—”

“Please?”

“Fine,” I said, rolling my eyes, as I jumped with her. Hawak-hawak niya iyong braso ko habang patalon-talon kami. We were jumping and shouting and singing our hearts out nang bigla akong mapa-tigil dahil parang may natamaan ako. I turned around to apologize nang mapaawang iyong labi ko nang makita ko iyong mukha nung nabangga ko.

Hindi ko alam kung lasing lang ba ako… o delirious na ako sa dami nung hindi ko alam na sagot kanina nung exam sa Commrev…

“Sorry—”

Pero hindi natapos iyong sasabihin ko nung bigla akong hatakin ni Alisha. Naka-tingin pa rin ako doon sa lalaki. Akala ko ay ma-o-offend siya sa ginawa ni Alisha, but natawa lang siya… At dahil natawa siya, saka ko napansin na may dimples siya.

Ang dilim sa club at puro strobe lights lang, pero agad na nakita ng mga mata ko iyong dimples niya.

Fuck.

Who was that?

“Why was he here?” Alisha said nang makarating kami pabalik sa couch. Ibinalik ko iyong tingin ko sa dance floor, pero hindi ko na nakita pa iyong lalaki.

“Who?”

“Lui,” Alisha said as she poured herself another glass of alcohol. This time, a glass of whiskey.

“Lui?”

She nodded. “Yes, that Lui.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. That name sounded awfully familiar, pero hindi ko maalala kung saan ko siya narinig. I mean, I hear and read a lot of names. Minsan, hindi ko na ma-point out kung saan sila nanggaling.

“Lui?” Alisha repeated. “It was, I think, our sophomore year when he was apparently flirting with two of our sisters. They discovered that they’re flirting with the same guy. They fought like sabunutan and all that. And then third year, the same thing happened with two other sisters, so he finally got banned from attending our events.”

My lips parted.

What?

Seriously?

I mean… with that face? I’d understand the power that probably comes with it… but still?

“So, you know? He’s bad news. Stay away from him.”

I just nodded and ordered myself another glass of gin and tonic. Alisha excused herself na pupunta siya sa washroom. I offered to go with her but Isobel said na siya na lang ang sasama kay Alisha. I just sat on the couch and told myself na after ko matapos iyong gin and tonic, aalis na ako. Magpapack na lang ako ng gamit for my Japan trip. Excited na rin naman ako na magbakasyon. It’s been a while since I left the country!

I was quietly waiting for my drink when my eyes found him.

He was sitting on the couch opposite ours. Naka-tingin siya sa akin. I just knew that he’s looking at me, too. He wasn’t saying a word, but his eyes weren’t leaving mine.

And then… I saw him smiling and saw those damned dimples yet again.

Then my drink finally arrived.

He raised his glass, as if motioning me to raise mine, too.

I raised mine in response.

He sipped his drink, finishing it. He raised his glass again, as if cheering with me. Then, he stood up and left.

I quickly finished my drink and followed him. I mean, I did say na aalis na ako kapag natapos ko na iyong inumin ko. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit ako sumusunod sa kanya. Hindi ko alam kung aabutan ko ba siya o kung ano ang sasabihin ko kung sakali man na abutan ko siya.

At this point, all I knew was that my feet had a mind of their own.

I walked through the crowd and through the dark hallway of the club until I felt someone grabbing my arm. Muntik na akong mapasigaw dahil akala ko ay si Zach ang humablot sa braso ko.

“Hi,” he said.

My heart was still beating quickly inside my chest. “Hi,” I replied as I was looking at his disgustingly gorgeous face and his adorable dimples.

“Lui,” he said.

“Tali,” I replied.

“Hi,” he said once again.

“Hi,” I replied once again.

“Do you want to?” he asked, standing so close to me that I could smell his cologne with a slight hint of smell of cigarette.

I nodded, not even knowing what he was pertaining to.

Do I want to want?

But… I’d be damned if I’d say no to this guy right in front of me.

And then he grabbed my hand like we knew each other for a long time. Hindi ko alam kung saan niya ako dadalhin, pero ngayong gabi, pakiramdam ko ay sasama ako kahit saan man niya ako dalhin.

“Won’t you even ask kung san kita dadalhin?” he asked nang makalabas na kami sa club at naglalakad na kami sa may parking.

“No, not really.”

Napa-tingin siya sa akin at saka natawa. God, he’s even more gorgeous outside. Minsan kasi ay gwapo lang kapag lasing ako o kaya kapag madilim iyong ilam.

“So, sasama ka kung san man kita dalhin?” he asked, his head slightly cocked on the right side and looking at me like he was flirting with my freaking soul.

Mabuti na lang at ngayon ko lang siya nakita… Because I had a feeling that had I known him earlier, I would have been obsessed.

Baka isa ako sa mga sis na nakipagsabunutan dahil sa kanya.

“You’re not giving me any choice, are you?” I asked, throwing a look at him holding my wrist.

“Right,” sabi niya na naka-ngiti pa rin. “How about now? You can run away.”

I stared at him.

Disgustingly gorgeous!

“Nope,” I simply said. I offered my hand to him again para hawakan niya. He flashed me that dimpled smile once again bago muling hawakan iyong kamay ko.

I could feel my phone vibrating in my purse, but to hell with everyone else at this moment. Nagconcentrate lang ako sa pagtingin sa lalaking kasama ko. Hindi ko pa rin alam kung saan kami pupunta hanggang sa makarating kami sa isa sa mga condo dito sa BGC. Mukhang dito siya naka-tira dahil dire-diretso lang siya sa paglalakad papasok sa gate at sa mismong building.

“You live here?” I asked him.

“Yes,” he replied.

I wanted to ask him kung dinala niya rin ba dito iyong mga ibang babae—iyong mga sis ko—pero parang wala akong karapatang magtanong kasi nandito rin naman ako.

I knew I wasn’t making any smart decision at this moment, but then again. His face? Disgustingly gorgeous! Sino ba naman ako para tumanggi?

Saka ito na ang reward ko sa paghihirap ko buong fourth year!

We got inside the elevator. Napa-tingin ako sa reflection sa salamin. He was still holding my hand. Napa-tingin siya sa akin at nakita niya na doon ako sa mga kamay namin naka-tingin.

He faced me and cupped my face with both his hands. I forgot how to freaking breathe when his lips touched with mine. He was kissing me deeply and I felt his tongue grazing against my lower lip. Hinahalikan niya pa lang ako pero para na akong mauubusan agad ng hininga.

Shit.

Possible pala ’to?!

Kasi dati kapag may hinahalikan ako, I really couldn’t feel anything… I was just kissing because everyone else around me was doing it… They said it’s fun… But it wasn’t really… It was just like… meh.

So, I never really got far with anyone else.

Kasi sabi nila, kissing is fun, pero hindi naman pala.

So, when they said that having sex is fun, I didn’t really believe them.

Scam.

But then, this?

Wow!

And then the elevator door opened. Lui stopped kissing me and he swiped his thumb across my lips while he was staring intensely at it. I could see how deeply he was breathing, too. Tapos ay muli niyang hinawakan iyong kamay ko at naglakad kami papalabas ng elevator papunta sa mismong kwarto niya.

I had never been this excited na mabuksan iyong pinto. I watched as Lui opened the door. Hindi naman ako iyong may-ari nitong condo, pero gusto kong magvolunteer na ako na ang magbukas nung pintuan niya dahil kahit mabilis niya naman iyong ginagawa ay parang nababagalan pa rin ako.

Then, finally, nabuksan na rin iyong pinto. I was going to make a joke na finally ay nabuksan niya na iyong pinto, but then he got inside, grabbed me, closed the door behind me, at saka isinandal ako sa likuran nung pintuan.

It was like… everything was happening all at once but at the same time, he couldn’t touch me enough to satisfy my hunger for his touch.

Lui’s right hand was on my neck while his other hand was on my shoulder down to my arm down to my waist. He was kissing me and his tongue had made itself feel at home in my mouth.

“Oh, shit,” he said when he stopped kissing me and my lips instinctively reached for his once again. I saw him chuckling.

“What? Why?” I asked.

He was panting for air while I was breathing deeply. “I forgot to ask since you just said yes earlier,” he said but all I could focus on was his lips… God, I could kiss those lips forever…

“Okay?”

“Do you want to have sex?” he asked.

“Oh.”

“Well?” he asked once again. “I need to hear a clear yes. “

“Why?”

“Consent,” he replied with both his hands now on my waist, tracing patterns on my skin. I was wearing a high waist black jeans and black leather busty top. Kaunting balat lang sa bewang ko iyong nahahawakan niya, but that was enough to electrify my whole system.

“But… what if I’m drunk? Isn’t that considered vitiated consent?”

He groaned. “No law school terms. We just finished our exams.”

Natawa ako sa reaction niya. “Fine,” I said.

“Are you drunk, though?”

“No,” I replied. “But then again, even if I’m drunk, do you think I’d admit to it?”

“Why not?”

“Because…” I said as I put my hands against his chest. Oh, wow… This guy works out for sure… “I want this to happen…”

I saw him breathing deeply. He ran his fingers through his hair and laughed and I saw those freaking dimples once again.

“I don’t have sex with drunk girls,” he said and my face fell. What? I wasn’t drunk! My mind was in immediate panic and was thinking of ways on how I could prove my sobriety. Hindi naman talaga ako lasing. I used to drink every night back in my first and second year of law school. I built my alcohol tolerance already. I needed three bottles of soju and five shots of tequila to get drunk—yes, in exactly that order.

Akala ko ay papaaalisin na ako ni Lui nang hatakin niya ako papunta sa CR. Agad na napa-tingin ako sa kanya.

“Are we… taking a shower?” I asked.

“Together? Yes,” he replied. “Let’s sober up in the shower.”

Lui got inside the bathroom. Naiwan ako roon sa may pintuan. I heard him turning on the shower and then I heard the sound of his zipper being unzipped.

Then… for some reason… I knew that he was removing his clothes.

God, why was that so hot?

‘Bahala na nga,’ I told myself as I began to remove my clothes, as well. Napa-hawak ako sa bag ko at naramdaman ko na nagvvibrate na naman iyong phone ko. I looked at it and saw Alisha’s latest message.

‘Where are you?’ she asked.

‘No fucking idea,’ I told myself instead as I removed my last article of clothing and got inside the bathroom and soon after, under Lui’s shower.

Naka-harap si Lui sa may pader habang nasa ilalim siya ng shower. I didn’t think he heard me coming in dahil sa tunog ng pagbagsak ng tubig mula sa shower. The whole bathroom was foggy from the hot water pouring down, pero kahit na ganoon, for some reason ay nakaramdam pa rin ako ng lamig.

I opened the glass door to the shower area. Napa-tingin sa akin si Lui. Naka-lagay sa may ulo niya iyong mga kamay niya. Water was dripping on his face… but for some reason, he was very much attractive in my eyes.

Akala ko ay magsasalita siya, but his eyes widened a bit and his lips parted when he realized that I wasn’t wearing anything.

“Can I?” I asked as I looked at the shower. He only nodded and took a step back. I took a step forward hanggang ako na iyong nasa ilalim ng shower.

The warm water felt nice against my skin… pero kahit na naka-talikod ako ay ramdam na ramdam ko iyong tingin sa akin ni Lui. At this point, hindi ko na rin alam kung ano iyong mga desisyon na ginagawa ko.

I flirted a lot when I was in college… and then in law school, too, but came my junior year, I didn’t have time dahil sa dami ng ginagawa. This felt new to me again. I was feeling some kind of excitement that I couldn’t quite explain.

I turned my head so that I could see him and said, “Will you just watch me?” I asked.

He was still just looking at me, watching me from a safe distance. The anticipation of him touching me once again was killing me. I wanted to tell him to go for it pero hindi ko alam kung anong mga salita ang gagamitin ko.

But instead of saying a word, he took a step forward and bridged the distance between us by putting his arms around my waist. Mabilis na napaawang iyong labi ko at bumilis iyong tibok ng puso ko nung maramdaman ko siya. He was pressing himself against me.

‘Oh, my god…’ lang ang paulit-ulit na tumatakbo sa utak ko.

“I still need to hear the words,” he said as he was still standing behind me. He reached for the bottle of body wash and poured some on his palm. Pabilis na nang pabilis iyong tibok ng puso ko nung ilagay niya iyong magkabilang kamay niya sa mga balikat ko pababa ng braso ko. I could feel his every touch on my skin.

Ito pa lang iyong ginagawa niya, pero para na ako agad tatakasan ng bait.

“What do you need to hear?” tanong ko sa kanya habang para na akong naghahabol ng hininga. “I already said yes. “

“Yes is very general,” he said habang sinasabunan iyong braso ko.

“I’m voluntarily naked in your shower,” I replied. Narinig ko iyong pagtawa niya. “I don’t think I can get any clearer than this.”

“We studied in StatCon that—”

Quickly, I turned around and said, “Oh, enough about law school,” and then I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his face down on me.

Lui was quite surprised by what I did, but he quickly recovered. He rested my back against the wall as he was kissing me deeply… but I quickly realized na mahirap pala gawin ’to sa ilalim ng shower. Pakiramdam ko ay malulunod ako dahil sa tubig na pumapasok sa bibig at sa ilong ko.

“Wait,” I said when he finally let go of my lips.

“What? Why?” he asked like he was in daze.

“Nalulunod ako,” I replied and he probably thought that I meant that I was drowning in his kisses, but I was quite literally drowning sa tubig. I pointed at the shower. He chuckled as he reached for the lever at saka hininaan iyong shower.

“All good?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yes,” I replied and then I pulled him down on me again. I opened my mouth to fully kiss him. I had kissed quite a number of guys, but they never made me feel this way. Ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Bawat parte ng katawan ko na madadaaanan ng kamay niya, parang gusto ko na doon na lang siya.

He could touch me for eternity and I would be okay with it.

Lui’s lips went from my lips down to my neck. I quickly grabbed onto his hair when I felt him licking the skin on my neck and then sipping on it. And then as if that wasn’t enough, I felt his hands on my breasts, gently massaging them and then pulling on my nipples.

And then his right hand traveled down to my stomach, to the middle of my legs.

‘Shit,’ I whispered to myself when I felt him touching me down there.

“Are you okay?” he asked, looking into my eyes, as his hand stopped. “You’re tensed,” he continued. “Do you want me to stop?” Mabilis akong umiling. “Is it your first time?”

I wanted to say yes… but for some reason, I didn’t want him to think of me as some virgin. I didn’t want him to go gentle on me. I wanted him to go as roughly as he wanted.

“No,” I said.

“Okay,” he replied as I felt his hand touching me down there. I grabbed on to his shoulders as I felt him caressing my clit. “Open your eyes,” he uttered. “Look at me as I touch you,” he continued as he rubbed me slowly as if he was taunting me that he’d stop if I didn’t do as he asked.

And so I did.

I opened my eyes and looked at him as he was rubbing me… quicker and quicker as I felt myself chasing a high that only he could give me.

“Good girl,” he whispered in my ears as my head was resting against his chest, panting as I chased my breath.

Habol-habol ko pa rin iyong paghinga ko dahil sa ginawa niya. Fuck… This wasn’t even sex yet. I didn’t know that orgasm could be that good!

Why did I only meet him now?

I thought he was already done, but then I felt him anchoring my right leg against his waist. His thumb was once again rubbing me, but I felt his index and middle finger seeking entrance. Sinandal ko iyong ulo ko sa dibdib niya para hindi niya makita iyong reaksyon sa mukha ko. It was good… but I was also feeling a bit of discomfort from his finger.

“Tali, Tali, Tali,” I heard him calling my name. “I think you’re lying to me.”

“W-what?”

“You’re a virgin, aren’t you?” he asked while his fingers were in the entrance.

“N-no.”

“Really?” he asked as he tried to get his finger in and I almost flinched.

Hindi ako nagsalita. He used his free hand and gently pulled my hair back so that he could see my face.

“You have to be honest with me,” sabi niya sa akin. He was pulling my hair… but why was this so fucking hot? “How can I make you feel good if you’re not honest with me?”

Water was still dripping from the end of the strands of his hair. I could clearly see his dark eyes, his straight eyebrows, his thick eyelashes… I would die if he’d show me his dimples at this point.

“I am… but it’s not a big deal,” I replied.

“Why is that?”

“I don’t want you to go easy on me,” mabilis kong sagot sa kanya. “Just… do your thing. Make it memorable, at least.”

For a few seconds, he was just looking me in the eyes. I could hear the beating of my heart. Aayaw na ba siya? Papaaalisin niya na ba ako? He couldn’t possibly, right?! He already made me come! Bakit hindi niya pa ituloy? Kapag hindi natuloy ’to, isa ’to sa mga bagay na hindi ako papatahimikin hanggang mamatay ako.

“Wait—” I said in protest when he opened the glass door. Akala ko ay iiwan niya ako, pero sinama niya ako palabas nung shower enclosure. Hindi ko alam kung saan kami pupunta, pero huminto lang kami sa may harap nung salamin sa may sink.

“Bend over,” he said. I was about to turn my head to look at him, but instead, he got both of my hands and placed them on the countertop.

And then… and then he wiped the fog off of the mirror until I could see me bent over… and him standing behind me.

Lui bent down until he was biting my shoulder. His left hand found its way back into my breasts and started massaging them and his right hand found its way back into the middle of my legs.

I could see every reaction on my face as he touched me.

Holy fuck…

This was so hot…

My lips parted when he started to rub me again… only this time, he was started slow and then quickly gained its momentum. I didn’t know how it was possible, but it felt like his hands and fingers already knew my body and how to make it respond to their every touch.

Lui was rubbing me and touching me and biting me and I was a captive audience to his every movement. I watched as my breathing deepened and my heart raced and as he made me come undone again.

Akala ko tapos na siya… o kahit pagpahingahin man lang ako… but I heard him reaching for a drawer. He got something from it. I saw a condom. Naka-tingin lang ako sa salalim, naghahabol ng paghinga, habang binubuksan niya iyon.

He wasn’t saying anything. And maybe that’s for good reason. I would lose my mind if he called me good girl once again.

Lui put his hand on the back of my head and made me bend again. But he also lifted my chin up, as if to remind me to watch him… to watch us.

He put his hands on the side of my waist and adjusted my position. And then I felt his fingers once again as if he’s trying to get me ready. I didn’t know what to feel. Even watching his face was enough for me, but then he put his finger in… and then another one… and then when I thought I was coming once again, I felt him completely filling me up. My lips parted with pleasure and discomfort as I felt him going inside.

But my eyes were just on him… as he was watching me watch us.

Lui put his left hand on my neck and his right hand was pulling my hair as he began to slowly thrust behind me.

This… is what I would be dreaming of for months… This very moment.

Lui started slowly and then he began to quicken his pace. His right hand left my hair and found its way back to rub me in between my legs. I bit my lower lips as I tried to contain all the sensation that he was making me feel.

“Open your eyes,” I heard him whisper nung maisara ko iyong mga mata ko dahil pakiramdam ko ay mamamatay na talaga ako sa lahat ng ginagawa niya sa akin.

And so I did.

I opened my eyes and watched as he was thrusting behind me, his left hand on my neck and his right hand rubbing me. Again and again as if he was the master of this and I was but a slave to his every touch.

“Holy shi—” I panted when I came once again… but he was far from done with me.

---

Hindi ko alam kung paano kami nakarating sa kamang dalawa. All I knew was that it started in the bathroom tapos ay napunta kami couch tapos ay sa sahig. We got hungry at one point, so we ate whatever leftover he had in his fridge. And then fucked me in front of a full length mirror.

I would never be able to look at a mirror the same way again.

Napa-tingin ako sa katabi ko. He was sleeping on his stomach. Naka-tagilid iyong ulo niya kaya kitang-kita ko iyong mukha niya. He’s so gorgeous. His black hair and tanned skin? Wow. I have no regrets on doing it the first time with him.

When I said make it memorable? He made it sure that it’d be one of the most replayed memories of my life!

Naka-titig lang ako sa kanya nang bigla akong mapa-tingin sa orasan at makita na 5PM na pala. What the fuck! Ano’ng oras na kami natapos at bakit ganito kami katagal natulog?

Mabilis akong tumayo dahil kailangan ko pang mag-empake para sa flight ko. My clothes were outside the door to the bathroom. Mabilis kong sinuot iyon. Napa-gawi iyong mata ko sa salamin at nakita ko na gulung-gulo na iyong buhok ko. Shit. May nakita ako na baseball cap at saka kinuha iyon para suotin.

I got a sticky note and a pen.

’I enjoyed tonight. Thank you.

• Tali’

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya na natutulog pa. He moved kaya bumaba iyong comforter na naka-balot sa katawan niya. Even with his tanned skin, kita ko iyong mga kalmot ko sa likuran niya.

This… was probably just another night for him. And against all logic, I added my number on the note… hoping that he’d give me a call.

But as it turned out, umasa lang ako sa wala. 

**

This story is already at Chapter 04 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 01

Chapter 01

I had to drown myself in sashimi to forget the fact na walang Lui ang nagmessage sa akin habang nasa Japan ako. Buti na lang at mag-isa lang ako na pumunta doon kasi kung hindi, baka maawa or mainis na sila sa akin dahil sa constant na pag-check ko sa phone ko. At one point, nainis na rin ako kasi every time na may notification sa phone ko, super bilis ko siyang kunin…

Only to always get disappointed when I realized that it was not the notification I was eagerly waiting for.

“How was the trip?“Alisha asked me. We met at a coffeeshop to have brunch. I went to Japan to unwind. Alisha and some of our other sisters went to Siargao. They invited me to go there din, but I knew that they’d just be partying— again— so I immediately told them about my Japan trip.

Ugh.

If alam ko lang na may makikilala ako na Lui na guguluhin ang isip ko, e ’di sana pumunta na lang din ako sa Siargao and nagparty. Basing on the groupchat, ang dami nilang nakilala na gwapong guys. Maybe I could’ve met someone else…

But gosh… every time I’d think about Lui? And what he did to me? I’d get weak in the knees…

Ganoon lang kaya talaga siya ka-talented or dahil first time ko lang kaya everything was literally new to me?

I shrugged at Alisha. “It was fine.”

“Just fine?”

“I mean, it’s Japan. I had fun,” I told her as I stirred the paper straw in my iced coffee.

Alisha’s forehead creased. “Okay… If you say so,” she replied although I knew that she wanted to press me some more, but she could see on my face na wala ako sa mood makipag-usap about whatever was bothering me.

“Anyway, where will you enroll?”

“Not yet sure,” I replied. “I wanna see muna kung kasama ba ako sa list of graduating students.”

She groaned. “Right,” she said. “But let’s claim it na.”

“Don’t wanna. Baka ma-jinx.”

“Never ka naman nagka-failing grade sa law school.”

“That was swerte lang.”

“Swerte my ass.”

Tinawanan ko lang siya. I mean, for sure nag-aaral naman talaga ako… but in law school, I feel like luck really has a part in everything. Minsan kasi pwede ka mag-aral the whole freaking night but what if may topak that day iyong prof mo and bigla kang i-ask doon sa concept na literally once lang na-mention sa book? Malas lang talaga.

“Swerte talaga!” I said as I listed down some of the professors that I had in my major subjects na known na mabait magbigay ng grades. Ewan ko. Swerte lang talaga ako sa part na ’yon kasi may mga sections talaga na parang gusto na paalisin ng school kasi puro terror prof iyong napupunta sa kanila.

“But yeah… I just don’t wanna think about it first hanggang walang naka-announce na list of graduates,” I continued. “I plan to enjoy the next few weeks or months.”

“Wala munang review?”

“Nope,” I replied. “I mean, I think we deserve to have fun. It was a hard year.”

And then my phone vibrated. It was like a reflex—the way I grabbed my phone to check kung may nagmessage ba doon… but it was just a freaking notification from Gmail.

“What?” I asked nang mapa-tingin ako kay Alisha and saw her looking weirdly at me.

“Nothing,” she replied, shaking her head. “You just looked… so disappointed at whatever it was that popped on your phone.”

I sighed and took another sip of my iced coffee. I pondered for a while kung sasabihin ko ba kay Alisha because clearly, she warned me that Lui’s bad news… pero ako itong baliw ang sumama pa rin sa kanya despite all warning signs.

I mean, I did enjoy! But at what cost? My sanity?

“May sasabihin ako,” I began. Naka-tingin lang siya sa akin, waiting for me to continue. “But don’t be mad at me.”

“Okay?”

I drew a deep breath. “Remember the party right after our Commrev exam?”

She nodded. “Yeah, what about that?”

“Well… ’di ba I disappeared?”

She nodded again. “Yeah,” she said. “Sob told me that she saw you leaving. You weren’t replying, so I thought umuwi ka na or something since pinilit lang din naman kita na pumunta doon.”

Tumango lang din ako as I played with the straw again. I wanna save the turtles, too, but damn, these paper straws… I might really have to start carrying my own straws at this point.

“About that…”

Alisha was looking at me. Her forehead creased like she was trying to decipher what happened that night… And it didn’t take long before she realized what could’ve happened.

“Oh, my god,” she mouthed.

I looked at her and nodded. “Yes.”

Her eyes widened. “You and… Lui?”

I nodded again as I felt my face getting hotter because once again, I remembered the things he did to me that night. Gosh! When I said make it memorable? He definitely made it a night that I would often recall…

The things that guy did to me…

“Oh, my god ka, Tali!” she said kaya medyo napa-tingin sa amin iyong ibang tao dito sa coffeeshop.

“I know!” I said in agreement kasi anyone who knows me knows that I don’t really do hookups. Some frat guys call me a tease kasi hanggang kiss and makeout lang minsan ang kaya ko. I mean, whatever.

“So, what happened?!”

I began to tell her about what happened that night. I tried to be very vague doon sa mga specific details nung mga ginawa namin ni Lui because ewan ko… Even if he’s kinda ghosting me now, I could still appreciate the fact that he made me feel good. Narinig ko na kasi dati sa mga sis ko na iyong first time nila ay sobrang ewan.

“From 1 to 11am?!” I nodded. “Oh, my god.”

“I know!” I agreed again.

“Kaya siguro nagsasabunutan iyong mga sis natin dahil sa kanya…” she said.

I mentally groaned because I immediately hated the fact that he touched other girls. Gusto ko ako lang… and ang kapal ng mukha ko sa part na ’yan e ni hindi nga ako tinext after.

“So what happened? Nag-uusap pa rin kayo ngayon?”

Hindi agad ako naka-sagot. Nahihiya ba ako? Kasi after ko literally ioffer iyong sarili ko sa kanya, ni hindi man lang siya nagmessage sa akin. Gusto ko na lang i-convince iyong sarili ko na nanakawan ng cellphone si Lui, pero parang tanga lang.

“Nope,” I simply said.

Napa-kunot iyong noo ni Alisha. “What?”

I averted my gaze at naka-tingin na lang ako sa table and I was just playing with my avocado toast. “I think… he ghosted me.”

I threw Alisha a quick look and saw the reaction on her face. I thought she’d at least feel bad for me, but I just saw the ‘see? I told you so’ look on her face. And in her defense, she really did tell me so! She quite literally pulled me away from Lui and told me that he’s bad news… Ako lang naman itong talagang sinundan si Lui mula sa club papunta sa shower niya tapos sa couch tapos sa carpet tapos sa kama tapos against the window tapos in front of the mirror…

Ugh!

That night will forever haunt me kasi mauulit pa ba ulit iyong ganon?! Kaya bang gawin ng ibang lalaki ’yon?!

“What? Won’t you try to console me?” I kidded.

Alisha shrugged. “Eh,” she said, waving her hand. “At the very least, you got a good experience for your first time.”

I wrinkled my nose. “So, you think hindi na siya magpaparamdam sa akin ulit?”

“Do you want my honest opinion or do you want me to be delulu with you?”

I rolled my eyes. “Honest opinion.”

“Okay,” she said. “We both know Lui—”

“I really didn’t—”

“Fine,” she said, cutting me off. “You met him that night, but surely, you heard stories about him na rin naman. We all heard stories about him flirting and hooking up with girls from different sororities. You know about our own sisters fighting because of him. He’s literally banned from our events. You know who he is… yet you still ended up in his bed,” she continued. “I mean… this is quite expected, don’t you think?”

Hindi ako nakapagsalita kasi I was being slapped with the truth.

“Or did you become delulu for a second and thought na ‘I can change him?’ “

I rolled my eyes. “Hindi, ah,” I said. “It was just a hookup.”

“Yeah, right, but abang na abang ka if magtetext siya.”

“Not really, noh.”

“What made you think ba na kaya mo makipag-hookup?”

I shrugged. “Why not? People do it.”

“Yes, other people do it.”

“Then why not me?”

“Because babe, your heart is in your vagina.”

Nanlaki iyong mga mata ko sa sinabi niya. “Alisha!”

Natawa siya sa akin. “I’m right, though. Lui fucked you once and now, you think you’re in love with him.”

“Correction—eight times.”

She rolled her eyes. “He’s good, noh?” I nodded. “That’s because he’s had lots of practice,” Alisha continued that made me frown. “Tali, babe, Lui’s not the kind of guy girls like you should mess with.”

I just pursed my lips as I massacred my avocado toast.

“Think of it as a blessing in disguise na lang na hindi ka na niya minessage,” Alisha said and I just nodded kasi ano pa ba magagawa ko? I left my number and he didn’t message… That’s like a clear sign that he wasn’t interested in anything else with me.

---

I tried to divert my attention. Naglinis na lang ako ng condo. I arranged all my materials per BAR subject para if kailangan ko sila, mas madali na silang hanapin. Iniisip ko rin if uuwi ba ako sa province, but decided against it kasi nandito na rin naman sa Manila karamihan ng high school friends ko so wala din akong gagawin masyado doon.

Most of my close friends from the sorority ay mga ka-batch ko lang din. Naka-enroll na sila sa advance review for the BAR kaya wala na rin silang time makipagkita sa akin. Super sipag nila kasi iba pa iyon sa mismong BAR review. Hindi ba sila napagod sa fourth year namin kasi naubos na talaga iyong energy ko doon… Balak ko talaga magstart ng review four months before the actual exam.

So, while everyone else around me was busy preparing for the much dreaded BAR exams, I was trying to be busy doing anything but. I went to get hair treatment, my nails done, spa, signed up for the gym again, and even tried if I’d enjoy playing golf—it was frustrating dahil gusto ko na lang pulutin iyong bola at ako na ang magshoot doon sa butas… But I liked my golf outfits, so I think I’d keep on playing.

While I was on my bed and was just browsing and watching Instagram Stories, bigla akong napa-hinto when I thought I saw the face that was haunting me for quite a while now.

It was a story of one of my sisters. She was doing a selfie boomerang and biglang may nahagip na mukha from the background. I wanted to zoom in on it sa app, but hindi pala pwede. I had to screenshot the video and then zoom in on it doon sa gallery ko.

It’s him!

Masyado na ata akong delulu like what Alisha said kasi kahit medyo blurry iyong screenshot ko, sigurado ako na si Lui ’yon! He was wearing a dark blue Ralph Lauren polo shirt at naka-upo siya sa likuran ng sis ko. It’s him—same haircut and all that. Hawak niya iyong phone niya.

So, may phone pa pala siya—hindi lang siya marunong magtext.

Ilang minuto ako na naka-tingin lang sa screenshot ng blurry na mukha ni Lui… What the heck would I do with this piece of information?

‘Siiiiis! What review center ka?’ I messaged my sister.

‘Legal verge!!!’

‘Maganda ba jan?’ I asked para hindi masyadong halata.

‘Yes magandaaaa why? I thought di ka pa magrereview?’

‘Eh nakaka bore pala saka lahat kayo nagrereview na e.’

She asked me a few questions pa but while talking to her, I went to the site of the review center, saw that tapos na iyong enrollment period nila for the advance BAR review. I still emailed them din in hopes na papayagan nila ako na mag-enroll pa rin. I included in the email na magbabayad pa rin ako in full kahit na two weeks na nagstart iyong review.

A few hours later, I received a good news. I smiled to myself as I saw na may schedule ng review bukas. Buti na lang at kaka-treatment and color pa lang ng buhok ko. May eyelash extension din ako and new nails.

I woke up early the next day. 8AM iyong start nung review class. Gusto ko pumunta nang maaga doon, pero sa parking muna ako para hintayin si Lui. Hindi ko rin kasi alam kung saan siya uupo if ever. Pero hindi naman ako stalker! I would not stalk and follow him outside naman!

I arrived there at around 7:30AM. May dala din naman talaga ako na laptop kasi magrereview din naman ako. Wala naman akong balak na titigan siya the whole day. After a while, I saw him arriving. Lumabas siya mula sa black na BMW car. See? Hindi ako stalker kasi ni hindi ko nga alam na ’yan ang car niya!

He was wearing a light gray polo shirt once again, blue maong pants, saka white lowcut converse. May black na backpack din na naka-sabit sa left arm niya. Hawak niya na naman iyong cellphone niya. Tss. Lagi naman niyang hawak pero hindi nagtetext.

He was walking alone. Tinignan ko muna iyong itsura ko sa salamin bago nagspray ulit ng perfume. Lumabas na ako sa sasakyan but natigilan ako nang may makita ako na babae na biglang sumabay kay Lui sa paglalakad. Napa-tingin sa kanya si Lui and then magkakilala yata sila kasi nag-uusap na sila papasok sa review center.

Baka friends lang. Whatever.

Pumasok na rin ako sa loob. Mabuti na lang at nakita ako nung mga sis ko kaya sabay-sabay na kami pumasok sa room. Nakita ko na nasa bandang likuran si Lui. Katabi niya na naman iyong babae. Nasa bandang gitna kami. Hindi ko alam if nakita niya na ba ako kasi nasa cellphone lang iyong atensyon niya… Sino ba ka-text niya?

Hanggang sa dumating na iyong lecturer namin for the day kaya wala na akong choice kung hindi ang makinig.

When lunch time came, nag-aya iyong mga sis ko na sa restaurant kami kumain. I told them na susunod na lang ako sa kanila kasi napansin ko na may kausap na naman si Lui sa phone niya. Sino kaya ’yon?

Nung tumayo na siya tapos ay lumabas, tumayo na rin ako. He was still looking at his phone while he was walking. I was behind him. Then he stopped kaya nabunggo niya ako because I was like just a meter behind him—I was trying to get a whiff of his cologne, sue me!

“Shit, sorry—” he said, turning around to face me. Natigilan siya. He looked at me, his forehead creased like he was trying to remember kung saan niya ako nakita. I wanted to be offended—I was offended! Ganoon ba ako ka-forgettable?! Samantalang siya naaalala ko every second of the day?

But I quickly gathered myself. Years of denying na naka-makeout ko iyong mga frat guys kapag nakikita ko sila around campus finally came in handy.

“Oh… Sorry, gosh, I forgot your name,” sabi ko sa kanya while smiling and trying to look apologetic.

He was still looking at me. “Lui,” he said.

“Right. Lui,” I repeated.

“Tali, right?”

“Oh, you remembered.”

“You wrote me a note,” he said.

My lips almost parted with what he said. So, nakita niya iyong note. He just chose not to message me. I drew a deep breath and maintained the expression on my face. No freaking big deal, Italia Reign Hernaez. Keep your composure.

“Was just trying to be polite,” I told him, smiling and pretending like I didn’t want to run away because I felt like paunti-unti ng nauubos iyong pride ko. “Didn’t want to literally just leave while you were sleeping,” I continued. “But noted—next time I hook up with someone, I won’t bother with a note and just leave quietly.”

**

This story is already at Chapter 05 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 02

Chapter 02

To say that my pride was wounded would be the understatement of the century.

Nawasak.

Tinapakan.

Niyurakan.

I immediately wanted to withdraw my enrollment doon sa advance review, but then I told myself na ang kapal naman ng mukha niya and ang influential niya naman sa buhay ko kung irere-adjust ko na naman iyong schedule ko dahil hindi niya lang ako tinext?

So, the next few days, dumadating ako sa class kapag papasok na rin iyong lecturer namin. Nagpapa-save na lang ako ng upuan sa mga sis ko tapos doon na ako didiretso.

I mean, it kinda worked. Nasa likuran ko naman si Lui kaya hindi ko rin siya nakikita. Sure din naman ako na hindi niya ako tinitignan. Fine by me. Naka-survive naman ako ng buong law school life ko na wala siya. I’d be totally fine.

“Sama ka?” Hazel asked me.

“San?” I asked.

“Elyu,” she replied.

Kumunot iyong noo ko. “Elyu?” I asked again and she explained na pupunta doon para lang uminom. Kakatapos lang kasi ng mock bar namin sa CrimLaw. It was freaking brutal! Mas lalo lang tuloy ako na-stress sa BAR exam. Kung mock bar pa lang e namatay na iyong brain cells ko, paano pa sa actual exam?

I actually just wanted to go home and sleep, but I hadn’t been outside for a while na rin kasi diretso condo and review center lang ako. Na-pressure kasi ako dahil nag-ask iyong Tito ko about sa review ko and if may kailangan ba ako. Parang wala akong room for failure kasi super supportive ng family ko sa akin na tipong ibibigay talaga nila kung anumang support ang kailangan ko. Na kapag bumagsak ako, ako talaga iyong problema.

“Next time na lang,” I replied. “I just want to sleep.”

“Okay,” Hazel replied tapos ay kausap niya na iyong ibang mga kasama nila sa Elyu. I saw her talking to some of Lui’s friends. Baka goods na rin na hindi ako sumama kasi baka kasama doon si Lui. I had been trying my best to avoid him kasi wala lang. Hindi pa nakaka-recover iyong pride ko na hindi niya pinansin iyong sticky note ko. Feel ko naman at one point ay makaka-recover din ako, but definitely not now.

Nauna na silang lumabas while I had to go to the office to ask about the mentorship program. Nung nagtake kasi ako ng mock exam sa Remedial Law, parang na-shock iyong buong pagkatao ko dahil wala akong nasagot halos. It was no surprise na 55% lang iyong grade ko sa mock bar. 75% pa naman iyong passing sa mismong BAR exam tapos wala dapat grade lower than 50% sa mga subjects.

Ano ba ’yan—my stress is through the roof na.

May kausap pa iyong kailangan ko kausapin sa office kaya naman nandon muna ako sa labas. I was just standing doon sa usually tinatambayan nung mga naninigarilyo. I don’t really smoke—and ako ata iyong minority kasi halos lahat ng kakilala ko sa law school ay naninigarilyo.

So, I was just standing there, contemplating my life choices, when I heard someone behind me. Napa-tingin ako sa likuran ko and saw that Lui’s standing behind me with a stick of cigarette and a lighter on his hand.

I just gave him a small nod. Ayoko lang magsalita around him kasi feel ko ipapa-hamak ako ng bibig ko.

“Di ka sumama sa kanila?” he asked.

“Nope,” I simply replied. “You?” I asked again because he took a few more steps hanggang sa magkatabi na kami. He put the cigarette in between his teeth and then tried to light it up. I knew that I shouldn’t gawk at him like a freaking idiot, but why was that so hot?! Ni ayoko sa naninigarilyo, but with him, baka ako pa ang magsindi ng sigarilyo niya.

“I’m here, obviously.”

Mabilis na napa-awang iyong labi ko with that jerky response. Kumunot iyong noo ko sa inis. I rolled my eyes. Kaka-receive ko lang ng 55% na grade tapos gaganituhan niya ako? No, please.

I tried to walk away, but he quickly grabbed my arm as if stopping me from leaving. Inalis niya iyong sigarilyo gamit iyong isang kamay niya tapos ay natawa.

“No, please don’t leave,” sabi niya.

Kumunot iyong noo ko. “Then, stop being an asshole.”

Binitawan niya iyong braso ko and then raked his hair through his fingers. “Fair enough,” he said. “But really, I wasn’t being an asshole.”

“You were.”

“Was I?”

Kinunutan ko lang ulit siya ng noo. “Yes, you were.”

“I mean, obviously hindi ako sumama sa kanila kasi nandito ako.”

“Well, pwede din naman na sumunod ka sa kanila, ’di ba? ’Di mo naisip ’yon?”

He was just looking at me. Binalik niya iyong sigarilyo sa bibig niya at saka humithit nun. Ako naman na parang tanga, pinapanood iyong bawat galaw niya. It’s so unfair how fascinated I was with him.

“Fair,” he replied. “Pero hindi ako sumama. Ikaw?”

“Obviously hindi kasi nandito rin ako, ’di ba?” Natawa ulit siya. “May nakaka-tawa ba?” I asked with a brow furrowed.

Tumango siya. I stared at him and waited for him to explain to me kung ano ba ang nakakatawa sa mga sinasabi ko at pinaguusapan namin.

“Nothing,” he said.

“Ano nga?”

He just stared at me and slightly cocked his head to the side. “It’s just funny that in bed, you’re submissive… but outside the bedroom, you’re very argumentative.”

Agad na nanlaki iyong mga mata ko sa sinabi niya. I felt my whole face heating up. Muli na naman siyang napahalakhak dahil sa reaksyon ko. He smoked his cigarette again and then tapped the end on the railing.

“S-shut up,” I managed to say.

Ngumiti siya sa akin at nakita ko na naman ’yang bwisit na dimples niya. “So, why didn’t you join them?” he asked. Naka-sandal na siya ngayon doon sa may pader. He was facing me and looking at me habang naninigarilyo siya. In other circumstances, kanina pa ako nakaalis dito dahil ayoko ng nakaka-sagap ng secondhand smoke… pero dito kay Lui? Ewan ko ba kung bakit nandito pa rin ako. ’Di na ako magtataka kung next time ay hihingi na rin ako ng sigarilyo sa kanya para maging bonding namin ’to.

Gosh, Italia! Ganon ba talaga ka-magical iyong dick na nabobobo ka na?

“I wanna sleep.”

“You like to sleep,” he said like it was a matter of fact. Napa-kunot iyong noo ko sa sinabi niya. “You slept for hours.”

“What? You watched me?” sabi ko sa kanya. “You little weirdo.”

Natawa na naman siya sa akin. I noticed how white and straight his teeth were and lutang na lutang iyon dahil sa morenong balat niya. “I woke up because I needed to pee. You were sleeping like you’re dead to the world.”

“I was tired, okay.”

“Napagod kita?”

Namula na naman iyong buong mukha ko. Damn him and his flirty ways! Kaya may nagsasabunutan dahil sa mga paganito niya, e!

“Shut up,” I said and humalakhak na naman siya.

“You did say to make it memorable,” he said. “Was it memorable?”

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin. Tinalikuran ko siya at saka pinatong iyong magkabilang braso ko doon sa may railings. Still, I could feel him watching me. Buti na lang at naka-fitted pants ako ngayon and cute iyong butt ko dito.

“It was good,” I said as casually as I could. And while I still wasn’t facing him, I drew a deep breath to ask him a question that had been bothering me. “Was it good… for you?”

Hindi ako humaharap sa kanya. Ayokong makita iyong itsura niya o kung anuman ang gagawin niya kaya naman lumakas iyong tibok ng puso ko nung tumabi siya sa akin. Naka-sandal iyong likod niya sa railings. I could smell his cologne… Ano’ng brand ba ’yan? Parang gusto kong bumili tapos iispray ko sa unan ko.

“It was.”

“Oh.”

Then there was a stretch of silence.

‘Don’t ask anymore,’ the sane part of my mind kept on chanting.

“Then why didn’t you text me?”

It wasn’t even cold but my hands felt so cold while I was waiting for his response. I was down on the freaking ground for him. I was doing and saying things that I normally wouldn’t do and say.

“Just curious,” I added when a minute passed and hindi pa rin siya sumasagot.

“Because of the heart,” he finally replied.

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya at napa-kunot iyong noo ko. “Heart?”

He put the cigarette in between his teeth once again and smoked. I watched as the smoke slowly appeared from his mouth. “You put a heart after your name,” he said.

Napaawang iyong labi ko.

I did?!

“So, I didn’t text you,” he continued. “I didn’t want to lead you on or anything.”

Muli kong binaling iyong ulo ko pabalik sa mga sasakyan na dumadaan. I drew a deep breath. Okay, fine. If I really did put a freaking heart on the note, it was kind of understandable na hindi niya ako imemessage. I mean, he literally took my virginity tapos bigla akong mag-iiwan ng note na may heart pa?! Baka inisip niya na pinaplano ko na iyong kasal naming dalawa!

“Idiot,” I said.

“What?” nabigla na natawa na sabi niya.

I faced him again. “We’re about to take the BAR. Did you seriously think na naghahanap ako ng love life?”

Napa-kunot iyong noo niya. I arched my brow at him. I could still hear my heart beating inside my chest, but I was good at controlling the expressions on my face.

“Really,” he said like he wasn’t buying what I was saying.

I nodded. “Really,” I repeated.

“Okay… I just thought that—” he said and then paused.

“Thought what?”

He gave a small shrug. “Nothing.”

“Come on,” I said, annoyed na magsasabi siya ng ganon tapos hindi niya itutuloy.

“Because when you look at me, you look at me like you want me to be the father of your kids.”

Napaawang iyong labi ko sa sinabi niya. “Wow, ang kapal.”

Natawa siya. “I mean, that’s how you look like to me.”

“Little Mr. Delulu.”

Tumawa siya at saka tuluyan ng pinatay iyong sigarilyo niya. “Was I wrong?”

“Yes.”

“Really?” he asked, now in that flirty tone na ginamit niya sa akin that night kaya napa-punta ako sa condo niya.

“Really,” I replied. “I mean, the dick is good. 10/10 would recommend.”

Muli siyang natawa. “What the fuck are you? Google review?”

“I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised if may Google review ka,” I said as casually as I could. “No offense.”

He just smiled at me and showed me his dimple. “None taken,” he replied. “My turn to ask you a question.”

“Sure.”

“Were you disappointed that I didn’t message you?”

Tumingin lang ako sa kanya. I could hear the beating of my heart. “Yes,” I simply replied.

Instead of answering me, he got his phone from his pocket, unlocked it, went to the messaging app. I saw him typing Ta until my name appeared on the contact suggestion. He… saved my number.

‘Hi,’ he sent the message. My phone finally freaking vibrated with the notification that I had been waiting for.

And once again… I found myself in Lui’s bed. 

**

This story is already at Chapter 06 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 03

Chapter 03

“Where are you going?” I heard Lui asking nung tumayo ako mula sa kama niya. I looked around and quickly found my underwear. I picked them up at saka sinuot ko na iyong panty and bra ko.

“Home, duh,” I replied, then nakita ko na iyong pants ko saka iyong shirt ko. Una kong kinuha iyong pants ko. Gusto ko sanang mahiya dahil ramdam ko na pinapanood ako ni Lui habang sinusuot ko iyong pantalon ko, but then again, what for? This guy had literally bent my legs in ways that I didn’t know I could do! Seriously, hindi ko alam na capable pala ako sa ganoong klase ng flexibility.

Nang nasuot ko na rin iyong shirt ko, lumingon ako para humarap kay Lui. He was still in bed, his lower body was covered with his duvet. His hair was messy dahil panay ang sabunot ko roon. I also left a mark on his left chest. Wala lang. I just couldn’t resist him like I literally needed to leave a mark to remind him that I was here.

Then he tried to stand, but I quickly stopped him.

“I’ll lock the door on my way out,” I said and then gave him a small nod bago ako tumalikod at kinuha iyong bag ko na nandon sa couch niya. I walked away hanggang sa maka-labas na ako sa condo niya. You’d think that I was on fire with the way I was moving para maka-labas sa condo niya.

I just… didn’t want to overstay my welcome once again.

I didn’t even know what I was doing. He told me himself that he didn’t want to message me because he didn’t want to lead me on. To him, I was just but another body to warm his bed.

The smart thing to do was to stop… but god, the way he touched me made me want to abandon all logic…

Kaya naman aalis na lang ako agad. I didn’t want to stay. I didn’t want to cuddle. I didn’t want to do small talks.

I just… I just needed him to fuck me. Hindi naman siguro totoo iyong sinabi ni Alisha na nasa vagina ko iyong puso ko. As long as I keep it simple and casual kay Lui, everything’s gonna be fine… I think?

Saka ang bobo ko naman kung magkaka-feelings ako sa tao na obviously ay wala namang pakielam sa akin. Clearly, katawan ko lang ang habol ni Lui. But on the other hand, I could respect the fact that he straight up told me that he didn’t want to lead me on… because he knew that he could have had…

The way he made me writhe beneath him? Oh, he knew of the hold he has on me.

Bahala na nga. Basta aalis na lang agad ako. Walang overnight na magaganap kahit 1AM na at antok na antok na ako.

---

The whole Sunday morning to mid-afternoon, nasa condo lang ako. I was just sleeping. I woke up for a while to eat and then bumalik agad ako sa pagtulog. Buong stay ko kasi kay Lui ay hindi ako kumain. Uminom lang ako ng tubig para hindi ako ma-dehydrate. Ewan ko ba. Ayoko lang kasi isipin niya na naman na gusto ko siyang maging tatay ng mga anak ko kaya I tried to act as casual as possible. Hindi ko nga sure kung kasama ba doon ang maghunger strike around him.

Nung kinagabihan, tinatamad akong magluto. I initially thought about just ordering in, but decided na lumabas naman para makapaglakad-lakad ako.

I was just walking around and deciding on what to eat as I walked. Naka-ilang restaurants at cafe na akong nahintuan, pero wala akong gustong kainan. I just wanted to have a good meal tonight kasi bukas, start na naman ng review.

But seriously… this would be my life for the next five months? Mababaliw ata ako.

I stopped in front of a café. Binabasa ko lang iyong menu nila nung mapa-tingin ako sa loob at nakita ko na nandon din si Lui at naka-tingin din siya sa akin. He cocked his head to the side and slightly arched his brow like he was teasing me. Was he thinking na sinundan ko siya dito? Ang kapal, ha!

And then my phone rang.

Ruiz calling…

The first time, I saved his number under his name naman talaga… Kaso kinakabahan ako kasi lagi kong katabi iyong mga sis ko. It was one thing na alam ni Alisha iyong kagagahan ko, iba kapag ibang sis na namin iyong nakaalam. Ayoko lang ng issue—not right now. Stressed na ako sa BAR, ayokong ma-stress sa ibang bagay pa.

I saved it as GLOBE REWARDS kaso bigla kong naisip na what if tumawag siya? I mean, not that tatawagan niya ako, but still! Mahirap na. So, I thought about a name na hindi naman suspicious kapag tinawagan ako…

And his full name’s Luisito Ruiz Valladares, so I saved him as Ruiz. Wala naman sigurong nakakaalam sa second name niya.

“Were you following me?” sabi niya nung sagutin ko iyong tawag.

“Why would I? I already got what I wanted from you today,” sagot ko. From where I was standing, I could see the amusement from his face. “You’re studying?” I asked when I saw that there were books on his table at saka may hawak siya na highlighter.

“Yes.”

“Nerd.”

I heard the crisp laugh from his end. “Just no room for failure here.”

I just shrugged. I didn’t really know much about him… Alam ko lang na siya si Lui na graduate ng kapitbahay namin na law school. I mean, he’s from SCA, so he must be smart. Hindi naman siya makaka-graduate don kung hindi.

Huh…

Smart, hot, and fantastic in bed?

No, Italia! Don’t even go there! Fun lang, remember? Walang feelings na ganyan. Basta after sex, alis ka agad.

“Why? Bawal ba bumagsak sa frat niyo?” I asked.

He just laughed, but didn’t really answer my question. “You? Not studying tonight?”

“Nope,” I replied. “May class naman bukas.”

“You’re here for just dinner?”

“Yes.”

“No other plans tonight?”

“Nope,” I replied once again. Gustung-gusto ko pa talaga siya kausapin. Gusto ko pumasok din sa loob tapos dito na lang ako magdinner. Gusto ko kahit panoorin ko na lang siya habang nag-aaral kasi hindi ko nagagawa sa review center iyon dahil nasa likuran ko siya.

But I always had to remind myself of my own boundaries.

“Have fun,” I said instead and gave him a small wave bago ko tinapos iyong tawag at saka naghanap ng ibang pwede kong kainan—iyong malayo kay Lui.

---

I ended up just going home at saka umorder na lang ako ng comfort food ko—pizza and chicken wings. I was super comfy on my couch with my blanket. Nanonood lang ako ng documentary. I was so invested in the documentary that I didn’t really notice na may nagtext pala kanina. It was only when I did my bathroom break nung na-check ko iyong phone ko.

‘Still up?’

‘Yup why?’

‘What are you doing?’

I sent him a photo na pinost ko kanina sa Instagram Stories—iyong pizza, wings, beer, and Netflix.

‘Can I join?’

Nanlaki iyong mga mata ko. Did he seriously want to go here sa place ko? But we’re strictly just for fun, right? Kasi stressful iyong sa review namin? Kaya bakit niya gustong pumunta dito?

I stared at his message for a while, debating on what I should do. I really wanted to say yes. Of course, I wanted to say yes. But I’d seen how quickly he could just ghost me kapag naramdaman niya na possible na may feelings ako sa kanya. And I wasn’t saying na may feelings na ako sa kanya… but I just didn’t want to lose access to him—at least not yet.

‘Sorry I’m about to sleep na.’

And then I just set my alarm for tomorrow at saka tinabi ko na iyong cellphone ko.

Yup.

Good choice, Italia.

---

The next few days, hindi nagtext si Lui. Hindi rin naman kami talaga nag-uusap sa review center. Ayoko mag-overthink pero nainis ba siya nung hindi ko siya ininvite sa condo ko? Kasi naman! Kapag nag-enjoy ako kasama siya, feeling niya gusto ko na anakan niya ako. Kapag naman nagpapaka-chill ako, feeling niya ba pa-hard to get ako? Ang hirap niya naman intindihin!

Thursday night, while lying on my bed and overthinking, I decided to just ask message him.

‘Hi.’

Naka-tingin lang ako sa phone ko. Based on my observation, laging hawak ni Lui iyong phone niya. Dapat makikita niya ’to—

Fuck. Nag-read iyong text ko.

‘Hi,’ he replied.

‘Busy?’

‘Studying. You?’

‘Nope not studying,’ I replied. ‘Do you have study break?’

Nag-read na naman iyong message ko. Ang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko. Hindi ba niya ako rereplyan? Maseseenzone ba ako after ko obviously mag-ask na maghookup kami?! Wala na ba talaga akong pride sa harapan niya?!

‘Yeah in an hour.’

‘Can I come over?’

I was down on my freaking knees for him.

What the heck was I doing?

‘Okay.’

He didn’t seem too excited to see me, but I didn’t want to overthink again. Baka busy lang talaga siya sa pag-aaral. Parang lagi lang siyang nag-aaral. Medyo na-feel bad ako kasi parang ang chill ko compared sa mga kasama ko, but whatever. Rest is important, too.

Alam ko naman na huhubarin ko lang din kung anuman iyong suot ko, but I still wanted to look cute in front of him. Gusto ko talagang magdress kaya lang baka isipin niya nag-e-effort ako. I ended up just wearing a white joggers and black tank top. I tied my hair loosely tapos nagsuot din ako ng non-prescription black rimmed glass. I felt cute naman.

“Hi,” I said when he opened the door for me. I was smiling tapos ay may hawak ako na pizza, box of wings, and 6-pack beer.

Lui was just looking at me with his forehead creased. Did he think it was too much? Kasi naman hindi na siya nagparamdam after ko sabihin na hindi siya pwedeng pumunta! Saka hindi niya rin ako kinakausap sa review class. Nakaka-stress kaya.

“I didn’t ask you to bring anything but… thanks,” sabi niya tapos ay tinulungan niya ako na hawakan iyong mga food.

I got inside his condo. True to what he said, he was reviewing nga talaga. Nasa dining table iyong mga gamit niya. I wanted to ask kung bakit hindi siya sa study table niya sa kwarto nag-aaral, but I felt like that would be too intrusive.

“If you’re still studying, I’ll be super quiet here,” sabi ko tapos ay naupo ako sa couch niya.

Lui was just looking at me. He was probably wondering kung bakit ako nandito. Ako rin naman. Mas makakapagrelax ako sa sarili kong condo kaya bakit ako nandito?

But I didn’t want to let my mind wonder again, so I just busied myself with my phone. I was just on Instagram browsing. I just felt a little jelly nung nakita ko na naka-bakasyon iyong ibang friends ko habang ako ay mamamatay na ata sa anxiety sa exam na ’to. I really just wanted to pass. Hindi ko na ata kayang ulitin ulit ’to.

I was checking my friend’s post nung nabigla ako dahil nasa tabi ko na bigla si Lui. He didn’t even give me the chance to ask him kung tapos na ba siya sa ginagawa niya dahil bigla niyang hinawakan iyong chin ko, made me face him, and then he was kissing me.

Oh, god, I missed this.

With Lui kissing me, I instinctively opened my mouth to welcome his tongue in. I wrapped my arms around his neck while his right hand pulled my ponytail kaya naman napa-angat iyong ulo ko. My breathing deepened when I felt his touch on the skin of my neck. And then I felt his other hand roaming around my body, touching and leaving everything it touched on fire.

I would literally drive here every day for this…

His hand finally found its destination. I bit my lower lip in anticipation of his touch, but then he pulled my hair back.

Oh, god… Would I be weird if I ask him to pull my hair back some more? And I wanted him to put his hand on my neck? Would he think I’m weird?

I couldn’t say the freaking words… so, I just reached for his hand that was in between my legs and put it on my neck. I opened my eyes and looked at him. I saw how his lips parted and his eyes darkened because of what I did.

I… honestly didn’t even know what I was doing. With him, it felt like my body had its own mind and it knew what it wanted.

“Is this what you want?” he asked and then pulled my hair some more.

I nodded. “Harder,” I pleaded.

He stared at me and a grin appeared on his face. His hold on my neck tightened a bit. “Who would’ve thought…” he said as he began to slightly choke me. “Little Miss Italia likes it rough.”

Lui stood up and dragged me with him. We went inside his room and once again, stood in front of his mirror. His room was dark save for the light that was coming from his living room. He was standing behind me, but I could see his every movement.

“Open your mouth,” he whispered behind me. I did as he told. “Good girl,” he continued as he put his two fingers in my mouth. His left hand was just on my hair, pulling… I didn’t know that pulling my hair could make me feel this way.

But then he removed his hand from my mouth and began touching me.

“Open your eyes and watch,” he told me. I did as he told. I watched as he reached for my hand and made me touch myself. He guided my fingers as if he was touching me. “This is how you’ll touch yourself when I’m not around,” he said as he made me rub myself and made me deepen my breathing. “Think of it as me touching you,” he continued as he rubbed faster and made me grasp for air.

Hindi ko alam kung saan ako kakapatid. I reached for his shoulder and held on tightly and then tighter when I felt him guiding my fingers inside me.

“Look at what a good girl you are, Italia,” he said and when I opened my eyes, I saw myself just… so undone by him.

“I can’t fuck you for hours now. I really have to study,” he whispered as he made me put both palms against the mirror, readjusted my stance, and pull down my pants.

I watched in awe as he wrapped himself up. But he didn’t even give me any time to appreciate the view when he simultaneously began to fuck me from behind while pulling my hair and was choking me.

Oh, god, screw being sensible… I’d be stupid around him for free.

**

This story is already at Chapter 07 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 04

Chapter 04

Nakaka-adik din pala talaga ’to. Come to think of it, mabuti na lang din pala na virgin lang ako all throughout high school, college, at law school. Baka maaga akong napa-dropout kung sakali. O baka dahil lang kay Lui ’to? Kasi I kissed a couple of guys din naman na dati… but no one made me feel the way he did. They’re like… meh. And one was even a terrible kisser that made me stop kissing guys altogether for a period of time.

With Lui? I’m on the ground, on my freaking knees. He could literally text me at 3AM with ‘you up?’ at talagang magda-drive ako papunta sa condo niya.

Alam ko mukha akong tanga, probably, sa paningin niya… but he’s freaking good! What can I do? I’m just a girl!

“Focus, Italia,” I told myself while I was reviewing for the Civil Law mock bar. “Yes, hindi mo goal magtop sa BAR, pero kailangan mo pa ring pumasa. You don’t want a repeat of this nightmare again next year, right?”

For a while, nagpeptalk lang ako sa sarili ko. Nakaka-pressure din kasi. Ang seryoso ng lahat ng tao sa paligid ko kasi kahit si Alisha ay hindi ko mahagilap. Kapag magkaka-usap kami, nape-pressure ako sa progress nila. Ang layo na nung nabasa nila sa coverage habang ako ay chill lang. For me kasi, mas gusto ko na naiintindihan ko talaga bago ako magmove on sa text topic.

Still, nakaka-pressure kapag nasa ibang subject na sila habang stranded pa rin ako sa mga naunang subjects.

Bahala na nga. Sabi naman nila Tito, basta gawin ko lang iyong best ko sa BAR para if ever, no regrets.

So, for the next few days, nagfocus lang ako sa pagbabasa. At one point ay nagkaroon na ako ng crying selfie dahil pagod na pagod na talaga ako… to think na medyo malayo pa ako sa mismong BAR exam. Paano ako magsusurvive nito?

Thankfully, hindi rin naman nagtext sa akin si Lui. Gusto kong maging thankful talaga na hindi siya nagpaparamdam kasi isang text niya lang ay pupuntahan ko talaga siya… but a small part of my mind was thinking na ano? Talagang hindi ako memorable? Talagang booty call in the middle of a random day of the week lang ako?

Dapat na ba akong magyoga? According sa mga naririnig ko sa mga sis ko, flexibility is a flex daw talaga. May space pa ba sa schedule ko para isingit ’yon?

No, focus, Italia! BAR exam!

At around 11PM, naaantok na talaga ako. Free day ngayon sa review center kasi bukas na iyong mock bar namin. Hindi ko pa naaaral iyong Torts and admittedly, weakness ko talaga siya. Hindi ko siya maintindihan for the life of me. Tapos wala pa pala akong LTD.

I forced myself to get out of my condo. I brought my things with me and went to a study hub in Makati na dati naming pinupuntan nila Alisha kapag may last minute study cramming kami. Open naman ’yon 24/7 plus for sure may mga ibang nagsstudy din kaya hindi ako makaka-tulog.

Nagdrivethru muna ako sa coffee shop bago ako pumunta doon. I was waiting for Kuya to give me my receipt for the payment. I looked around at nanlaki iyong mga mata ko nung makita ko si Lui na nasa isang gilid. He looked very focused (and very sexy) while studying. May suot din siyang reading glasses. Bahagyang kunot iyong noo niya. Ano kaya iyong binabasa niya? May nahihirapan din kaya siyang subject kagaya ko?

“Thank you, Kuya,” I replied nung inabot sa akin iyong receipt ko but my eyes were still on Lui. I wanted to sit beside him… but he’s obviously studying. Ayoko naman makaabala sa kanya. Saka… kailangan ko ring mag-aral. Bakit ba mas concerned pa ako sa education niya? For sure naman papasa siya kasi galing siyang SCA.

Instead, doon ako sa may likuran na part pumwesto. Okay din naman don though mas preferred ko iyong lighting sa may pwesto ni Lui kasi mas maliwanag. Pero ayos na rin ’to para makapagfocus ako.

Nilatag ko na sa table ko iyong libro ko for torts. May dala din ako na memory aid from my school, but last resort na ’yon. Mas gusto ko kasi na iyong libro talaga ang binabasa ko.

I began reviewing. I was listening to some random Korean drama OST. Ayoko kasi ng English kasi mapapa-sabay ako sa lyrics. Minsan nakikinig din ako sa Arabic love songs. Basta kahit ano na hindi ko talaga alam iyong lyrics.

After nearly an hour of reading, I finally got into my rhythm. Alisha gave me a notebook na naka-pattern sa BAR syllabus kaya iyon ang ginagamit ko para magtakedown ng notes. Sobrang time consuming but I felt like if hindi ko itakedown, hindi ko rin mareretain.

“Oh, god,” nagulat na sabi ko dahil paglabas ko sa CR, nakita ko na lumabas din si Lui sa CR na katabi. He was looking at me like he was surprised… but at the same time weirded out. Like what were the chances na magkikita na naman kami? To think na before ko siya makilala sa club, never kami nagtagpo ng landas talaga?

“Are you—”

I rolled my eyes. “Get over yourself,” sabi ko sa kanya. “I didn’t follow you.”

Natawa siya. “Really.”

“Really,” I repeated. “May mock bar tayo mamaya kaya.”

I saw the visible frustration on his face. “Right…” sabi niya. Napa-tingin siya sa table ko. “You’re done with the coverage?”

Umiling ako. “Torts pa then LTD,” I replied. “You?”

“Dami pa.”

I just nodded. Ayoko lang magcomment sa progress niya kasi kanya-kanya naman kaming pacing dito. Besides, alam ko iyong feeling na nase-stress sa progress ng iba, so ang hypocrite ko naman if gagawin ko rin ’yon sa iba.

“You want coffee?” he asked.

This guy has literally seen every inch of my naked body, but him asking me kung gusto ko ba ng kape was making me feel… things. Insane.

“Sure,” I replied kahit na halos kalahati pa iyong laman na kape nung tumbler ko.

Iniwan namin iyong gamit namin sa study hub since may guard naman at CCTV don. I didn’t know where Lui was taking me, but I knew myself na sasama naman ako sa kahit saan.

“Wait, san tayo pupunta?” I asked kasi sumakay siya sa sasakyan niya. May malapit naman na coffeeshop kaya akala ko maglalakad lang kami.

“To get coffee.”

“Yeah, but where?”

“Does it matter?” he asked, his hands on the steering wheel but his head was turned so he was looking at me. It was like he was taunting me dahil alam niya na kahit saan naman ay sasama ako sa kanya.

“Nagrereview ako.”

Napa-tawa siya. “Ako rin naman,” he replied and then started his car.

Hindi ko talaga alam kung saan kami pupuntang dalawa. It was already 2AM. Wala ng traffic sa daan kaya dire-diretso lang siya sa pagda-drive. Napa-kunot iyong noo ko nung mapunta na naman kami sa BGC. Akala ko ay iuuwi niya ako sa condo niya, but we stopped in a parking lot. Lui got out. I looked around. Wala namang coffeeshop dito.

“Come on,” he said nung nasa labas na siya at nasa sasakyan niya pa rin ako.

“Where is the coffeeshop,” I uttered to myself as I was unlocking the seatbelt.

Lumabas na rin ako at saka sumunod sa kanya. We were walking until we stopped in front of a Korean convenience store. Pumasok doon si Lui at sumunod naman ako. He walked like he’d been here before at kabisado niya na iyong bawat aisle.

“You want?” he asked while holding a huge cup of ramen.

“Maanghang ’yan, e.”

“This,” he said tapos ay may kinuha na ibang ramen. “Hindi maanghang.”

“Okay,” I replied tapos ay sinundan ko ulit si Lui hanggang sa huminto siya sa harap ng chest freezer. He got two plastic cups na may laman ng ice. Then he made me choose coffee pouches. “Here—” sabi ko nung babayaran ko na iyong food ko, but Lui just paid for our food— our food!

Alam ko na ang price mo, Italia—isang ramen.

After paying, sinundan ko si Lui dahil mukhang alam niya naman na ang gagawin dito. Huminto kami sa may parang dispenser ng hot water. Una niyang binuksan iyong ramen ko at saka nilagyan ng hot water. Tapos ay iyong sa kanya naman.

“Ako na,” I said nung kinuha niya both iyong ramen. Medyo mahirap kasi sila hawakan dahil malaki sila.

“Yan na lang hawakan mo,” he said, pertaining to the two iced coffee.

Ang simple lang ng ginagawa namin, but this is what I want! I just want a guy who’d take charge. Nakakapagod kapag mag-isip most of the time. Minsan, I just want to turn off my brain.

“Okay lang kumain sa car mo?” I asked kasi pumasok siya sa loob habang hawak iyong food.

Tumango siya. “Basta ’wag ka magkakalat.”

I immediately nodded. “Okay.”

We got inside his car. Naka-patong doon sa may dashboard iyong ramen while we’re waiting na maluto sila. Lui opened the radio pero mababa lang iyong volume. Then he reclined his seat for a bit. Pinikit niya iyong mga mata niya. Matutulog ba siya?

“Stop watching me,” he said with his eyes still closed.

“Feeler, ah.”

Then he opened his eyes. “Weren’t you watching me?”

I just gave him a look tapos ay sinandal ko rin iyong ulo ko sa headrest. I closed my eyes din. Grabe… nakaka-pagod din pala talaga. I had been studying nonstop this week dahil sa dami nung cover na subject ng Civil Law. I didn’t really stop.

“Thank you,” I said.

“For what?”

“The ramen.”

“You’re welcome,” he replied. I briefly opened my eyes and saw na naka-pikit pa rin iyong mga mata niya.

“I didn’t think that I needed this quick break,” sabi ko nung naka-pikit na ulit ang mga mata ko. “Nababaliw na ako sa civil.”

He didn’t really reply. Baka ako lang ang nahihirapan. Kasi naman bakit napaka-chill ko buong law school life ko. Ngayon na ako binabalikan ng motto ko na ‘basta walang bagsak.’

“Sure ka na hindi ’to maanghang,” I said nung kinuha na namin iyong ramen.

“It’s not,” he replied while he was using his chopsticks. He looked at me and saw me hesitating. Ayoko kasi talaga sa maanghang. Hindi ako nag-iinarte. I have an incredibly low tolerance when it comes to spicy food—unless gusto niya ako makita na naiiyak na dahil sa anghang.

“Fine,” I said as I got a sip of the broth first. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya.

“See?” he asked, being annoying because he was right.

“Whatever,” I replied as I began eating my ramen. Narinig ko lang na natawa siya habang kumakain na siya nung ramen niya.

Lui and I really didn’t talk about anything profound. A song played on the radio and I mentioned that I really wanted to see the band after ng BAR. Then napunta iyong usapan sa mga bansa na gusto naming puntahan after. I mentioned Japan sa kanya. He’s been there a couple of times, but he mostly prefers Tokyo. I argued na mas maganda sa Osaka. Iyon lang ang pinag-uusapan namin hanggang sa maubos namin iyong malaking bowl ng ramen.

“Thanks,” I said when we’re finally back sa study hub.

“No problem,” he replied. “What?” he asked nung mapansin niya na naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya. He’s just… so gwapo. I didn’t know how else to describe him. Filipino na Filipino iyong dating niya. So gwapo.

“Nothing,” I said, shaking my head while smiling. “Study well,” I continued before I got out of the car at saka pumunta na kami sa kanya-kanyang pwesto namin sa study hub.

---

Hindi ko alam kung ano iyong effect nung ramen sa akin pero natapos ko rin iyong LTD and naka-second read pa ako nung notes ko.

Nung 8AM na, lumabas na iyong mock bar questions. Sumilip ako at nakita ko na nandon pa rin iyong gamit ni Lui, pero wala si Lui sa pwesto niya. I went outside at saka nakita ko siya sa isang gilid. He was talking to someone on the phone tapos may hawak siyang sigarilyo sa isang kamay niya. He looked a bit frustrated sa kung sinuman ang kausap niya that I immediately felt the need to leave him be… kaso ay napa-tingin na siya sa gawi ko.

“Lumabas na ’yong mock bar,” I said nung lumakad siya papunta sa gawi ko. Tinapon niya rin iyong sigarilyo na hawak niya.

“Ah, right. Thanks,” sabi niya.

“Dito ka magttake?”

“Ikaw?” he asked.

Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya… Didn’t he already know na yes ang sagot ko sa kahit na anong tanong niya?“

I nodded. He shrugged. “Okay,” he replied.

“Wait, dito ka rin magttake?”

Tumango siya. I grinned to myself. Ang swerte ko naman ata masyado. “Tabi tayo,” sabi niya. Nanlaki iyong mga mata ko. Natawa siya. “For accountability,” he added.

“Ah…” sabi ko na nakaramdam ng hiya dahil ang assuming ko naman masyado!

Pumasok na kami sa loob. Medyo nagulat ako nung sumunod sa akin si Lui sa table ko tapos ay tinulungan niya akong kunin iyong mga gamit ko. Nilagay niya iyon sa may table niya rin kasi malaki iyong table na gamit niya.

“Wait lang,” sabi ko tapos ay pumunta ako sa CR habang pa-simple na dala-dala ko iyong pressed powder ko. Inayos ko muna iyong sarili ko kasi magkaharap kami! Nakaka-stress naman kasi feel ko bawat galaw ko e makikita niya kahit for sure hindi niya naman ako titignan.

I tied my hair into a high ponytail tapos ay suot ko ulit iyong salamin ko kasi sumasakit na iyong eyes ko sa dami ng binabasa namin.

“Ready,” I said. “What?” I asked nung mapansin ko na naka-tingin lang siya sa akin.

Umiling siya. “It’s just… distracting.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “What is distracting?”

“Your ponytail,” he replied and my face immediately felt hot when I realized what he was pertaining to. But Lui just chuckled like he was enjoying making me feel flushed. Kainis.

I rolled my eyes at him and then binuksan na namin iyong laptop namin at saka nagsimula na kaming mag-take ng mock bar. I kept on breathing deeply kahit na nakaka-stress dahil naka-ilang skip na ako sa questions kasi hindi ko alam iyong sagot sa iba. Ni hindi ko magawang tumingin kay Lui dahil stressed enough na ako sa sarili kong exam.

After roughly three hours, Lui closed his laptop. Hindi siya nagsalita pero umalis lang siya sa pwesto niya. Napa-tingin ako habang palabas siya sa study hub. Gusto ko pang sundan iyong galaw niya, but I had my own exam to worry about. May anim na question pa ako na hindi nasasagutan.

At one point, naglelegislate na ako ng sarili kong batas, but better kaysa wala akong sagot at all. May logic naman ata mga pinagsasabi ko. Bahala na nga.

Nung natapos ako, napa-tingin ulit ako sa labas at nakita ko na naninigarilyo pa rin si Lui… ’Di ba siya worried sa baga niya or something? I mean, hot niya tignan kapag naninigarilyo siya pero hot pa rin ba kung may lung cancer na siya?

“Hirap,” sabi ko nung maka-lapit ako sa kanya.

Tumango lang siya saka humithit ulit nung sigarilyo niya. We’d been here for half a day na rin pero gosh… ang gwapo-gwapo niya pa rin.

“May gagawin ka ba ngayon?” he asked.

“Bakit?” I asked back.

“Elyu,” he said.

“Elyu?”

Tumango siya. Naka-tingin sa akin. Iyong sigarilyo sa bibig niya. Iyong amoy ng pabango niya.

“Okay,” I replied… kasi susundan ko naman talaga ata siya kahit saan.

**

This story is already at Chapter 09 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 05

Chapter 05

“I won’t even take long. Literally 10 minutes lang,” I argued with him nung nasa sasakyan na kami.

“Ano ba’ng kukunin mo? ’Di naman tayo magsstaycation don,” he replied. Nasa loob na kami ng sasakyan niya pero hindi pa umaandar kasi sabi niya, one stick pa raw. Gustung-gusto ko na talaga siya sabihan na tumigil na siya sa paninigarilyo niya, but alam ko naman na wala akong karapatan na sabihin ’yon. Sabihan pa ako nito bigla na feeling girlfriend.

“Just stuff.”

“What stuff?” he asked back. Naka-bukas iyong mga bintana sa sasakyan niya. Naka-patong iyong left arm niya doon at saka nasa labas ng sasakyan iyong kamay niya na may hawak na sigarilyo.

“Girl stuff.”

He turned his head to look at me. He used his other hand to reach for my face and caressed my cheek with his thumb. “You’re trying to look pretty for me?” sabi niya habang diretsong naka-tingin sa mga mata ko.

This guy… he definitely had his flirting skills perfected!

“H-hindi, ah,” I said, trying to avert my gaze kasi hindi ko ata kaya iyong directly na nilalandi niya ako tapos with matching eye contact pa.

“Then let’s just head straight to Elyu.”

“10 minutes lang naman.”

“Then it won’t be a spontaneous trip anymore,” he argued back.

I wrinkled my nose. “Fine, whatever,” I said and made a mental check kung ano ba iyong laman ng bag ko na nasa backseat. I had my usual makeup kit. Meron din akong travel toothbrush at toothpaste doon. Wala nga lang akong dalang damit.

Tsk. Kung hindi ka lang pogi, Luisito.

I waited as he finished smoking. Nung matapos na siyang magsigarilyo ay may inispray siya sa bibig niya… Kaya siguro kahit nagkikiss kami ay hindi siya lasang sigarilyo.

Then he got a pair of sunglasses at saka sinuot iyon. He started his car, placed his hands on the steering wheel, and then looked at me. “Ready?” he asked, looking at me with those eyes that could just hypnotize me and those freaking dimples.

“Yeah, whatever,” I replied as I casually could kasi ayoko naman na kiligin sa harapan niya.

Since he was driving and it was his car, I let him control the playlist. Besides, curious din ako sa mga pinapakinggan niya na kanta. I was pleasantly surprised to know that he listens din sa mga popular songs. Although mix kasi may mga indie band din siya na pinapakinggan.

Lui also asked me kung gusto ko bang kumain, but I was still full from the ramen that we had nung madaling araw. Busog pa rin daw siya kaya naman diretso lang iyong drive namin hanggang sa makarating kami sa Elyu.

“What do you want?” Lui asked.

“That one,” I said and pointed out sa may San Mig Lychee. Kumuha si Lui ng dalawang can tapos ang kinuha naman niya ay iyong plain lang na San Mig Light. He also asked me kung may gusto ba akong kainin, but I wasn’t really in the mood for anything. Naka-sunod lang ako kay Lui hanggang sa makarating kami sa counter. Ewan ko ba kahit wala pa namang five hundred pesos iyong babayaran niya ay kinilig pa rin ako.

I mean, twice pa lang naman kami magkasama pero tuwing may bibilhin na food, siya talaga ang nagbabayad. Never ko pa kinuha iyong wallet ko kapag kasama ko siya. Hindi rin ako nagda-drive kasi siya lagi ang nagda-drive.

Ganito ba iyong sinasabi nila na princess treatment? Because I could honestly get used to this!

I had been to Elyu a couple of times, pero mukhang mas madalas si Lui dito kasi kabisado niya talaga iyong daan. Akala ko ay sa resort kami pupunta, but he stopped in front of what looked like a private area.

“Hindi ba tayo trespassing?” I asked but then stopped when I saw na mukhang kilala si Lui dito. “Wait… do you know the owner?” tanong ko sa kanya kasi kinausap niya iyong older guy tapos pinagbuksan pa kami nung gate.

“Yup,” simpleng sagot niya.

The private property was huge. May parang beach house doon tapos ay may private access sa beach. Nagpark si Lui doon sa may parking area. Mukhang wala iyong may-ari kasi bakante lang doon. Nung umabas si Lui ay sumunod lang ako sa kanya. Siya iyong may dala nung paperbag nung mga binili namin.

Lui just kept on walking habang naka-sunod ako sa kanya. Hapon na rin nung nakarating kami sa Elyu kaya naman hindi na mainit. Doon kami sa may dalampasigan. Binaba ni Lui iyong paperbag.

“Are you good with sitting here o kailangan mo ng mat?” he asked, looking at me.

“No, it’s fine,” I replied kasi malinis naman iyong buhanginan. The whole place looked great, actually. Kami lang iyong tao sa area na ’to dahil private access. Kanino kaya ’to? Kila Lui kaya ’to? Ano nga ang meron sa pamilya ni Lui? I had so many questions that I knew I couldn’t get any answers to. Ayoko kasi talagang magtanong. I was afraid that I’d ask one question and he’d decide na clingy ako tapos hindi niya na ako kakausapin ulit.

We sat down. Lui got my beer first tapos ay binuksan niya iyon at saka inabot sa akin. I thanked him and he just nodded at me like it was no big deal. Then he opened his beer. Naka-upo lang kami sa harap ng dagat. Hindi siya nagsasalita kaya naman nanahimik lang din ako. It was… oddly comforting. Just sitting here and listening to the sound of the waves crashing against the shore.

I sometimes stole glances. Naka-tingin lang si Lui sa dagat at parang malalim ang iniisip niya. At this moment, how I wished na sana ay magaling akong magdrawing… I would love to draw this exact moment. Him sitting on the shore, holding his beer, and just staring at nothing.

“I have a question,” I said when the sun was starting to set. Nag-aagaw na iyong mga kulay sa langit. It was so pretty that I wanted to take a photo. “You don’t have to answer, tho. Curious lang ako.”

Lui just shrugged as he grabbed another bottle and opened it. Hindi pa ako tapos doon sa akin.

“Is there a reason why?” I began asking. “I mean… I heard that you flirted with way too many girls… Did no one pass your standard? I mean bakit wala ka pa ring girlfriend until now?” muling tanong ko. “I mean, no offense.”

He took a sip of his beer. “Can ask you the same—bakit wala ka pa ring boyfriend?” he asked. “You even gave your virginity to me who’s basically a stranger,” he continued and then looked at me. “No offense.”

Tinungga ko iyong beer ko. “Fair enough,” I said.

Naka-tingin pa rin siya sa akin. “What? Did I offend you?”

Umiling ako. “No,” sagot ko. “You asked a sensible question. I just don’t really have the answer.”

“Why me?” he asked.

I shrugged. “Right place, right time kind of a thing, I guess,” sabi ko sa kanya. “It wasn’t as if I was waiting for marriage or something like that. Just… no one really made me want to go do it, if that makes sense.”

“So… I made you want to do it?”

I turned my head to look at him, too. I arched my brow. “Sir, you’re a master of flirting and seduction. Don’t play stupid right now,” sabi ko sa kanya at saka natawa siya. At least ay aware siya!

“Fair enough,” sabi niya sa akin. “Sucks for you, though.”

“Why?”

“Anyone else after me will pale in comparison,” he said cockily but that just made me feel… sad? Annoyed? Angry? Kasi inisip niya na may susunod pa sa kanya?

For him, this was just temporary?

Of course.

Duh.

For a moment, nabobo ako dahil dinala niya ako rito sa La Union. For all I know, baka maraming babae na siyang dinala dito. At least, nagkaroon ako ng wakeup call from reality. Mabuti na rin ’to.

“Kapal,” sabi ko na lang at saka ininom ko iyong beer ko para hindi niya mapansin iyong pagbabago ng mood ko. Bakit pa kasi ako nagtanong sa kanya? I could’ve stayed silent and heard none of this bullshit.

Naka-tingin pa rin siya sa akin habang ako naman iyong naka-tingin sa dagat. Parang nagpalit kami ng posisyon.

“Still want me to answer your question?” tanong niya. I merely shrugged.

Kinuha niya iyong isa pang beer ko at saka binuksan iyon at iniabot sa akin nung mapansin niya na ubos na iyong beer ko. I just thanked him and refused to look at his face dahil baka ma-hipnotismo na naman ako.

“It’s not that no one was interesting enough. A lot of them were really nice and fun to be with,” sabi niya. He straightened his legs kaya naman napansin iyong difference sa haba ng mga binti naming dalawa. “I just really avoided commitment.”

I still remained quiet.

“The moment I feel someone getting attached, I detach,” sabi niya at saka uminom ng beer. “Because I tried that whole being a boyfriend thing… didn’t really work out for me.”

Hindi pa rin ako nagsalita.

“What? Not curious enough to ask me kung sino iyong naging girlfriend ko?” he asked to my silence.

I shrugged. “Do I know her?”

“I don’t think so,” he replied. “She’s a doctor now.”

“Oh…”

“Do you know that I’m a licensed nurse?” sabi niya sa akin. “But don’t get in a medical emergency in front of me—higher chance na mamamatay ka lang,” dugtong niya na mukhang nagjojoke na. Naramdaman niya ba iyong pagbabago ng mood ko?

I drew a deep breath. He shouldn’t know na upset ako kasi temporary arrangement lang ’to. Probably ngayong review season lang. Ewan. Bahala na nga.

“Classmate mo nung nursing?” I asked, trying to sound as casual as possible.

He nodded. “It’s probably hard to believe, but I wasn’t always like this. I was actually a pretty good boyfriend, if I may say so myself. I was loyal and treated her like a princess. Then we went to med school. First year pa lang, alam ko na na ayoko. I wasn’t cut out for that shit. I told her that I’d be dropping out and transferring to law school. I thought everything will be fine—she’d be a doctor and I’d be a lawyer. I wanted that power couple type of shit, you know?” sabi niya tapos napa-tingin sa akin na naka-ngisi. “But then she cheated on me.”

Napaawang iyong labi ko.

Here I was… dreaming about him tapos may ibang babae na nagcheat lang sa kanya? Kusang pinakawalan iyong pilit kong hinahabol? Life… what a freaking mystery.

“I’m sorry—”

“No, it’s fine,” sabi niya sa akin. Naka-ngiti siya pero alam ko na hindi pa rin siya okay base sa reaction niya.

“She cheated, but that doesn’t mean na lahat ng babae ay cheater…”

“I know that,” he replied. “But I just couldn’t help but think that I did everything right… still, got cheated on. Ang hirap magtiwala lang ulit.”

Wala akong masagot kasi tama naman siya… Ang hirap lang isipin na paano kung may lalaki na sobrang mahal ko tapos binigay ko lahat sa kanya tapos magccheat lang siya sa akin? I couldn’t even begin to imagine that pain that I’d feel. Baka magaya lang din ako sa kanya na hindi na magtitiwala.

Suddenly, I felt bad for Lui kasi sobrang bad ng reputation niya pagdating sa mga babae… But now that I think about it, he has been always upfront about not wanting commitment. He said it himself na nagdedetach siya kapag naaattach na. And puro single naman nilalandi niya.

He’s just… a guy, I guess.

Malanding lalaki, but not a bad guy per se.

“Does that satisfy your curiosity?” he asked.

I gave him a small nod. “Yeah.”

Tumingin siya sa akin at ngumiti. “So, you know, Tali, this is fun and all that… but don’t take me seriously,” he said while showing me that dimpled smile. 

**

This story is already at Chapter 10 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 06

Chapter 06

I felt like I was going out of my mind! Gustung-gusto kong magrant about Lui, pero wala naman akong masabihan. Hindi ko masabihan si Alisha kasi nagsabi naman na siya sa akin na ’wag kong patulan si Lui… I mean, tama naman siya. But still, sabi nga nila, the heart wants what it wants! Ano ba naman ang laban ko ’don?

Saka the review season is draining as it is… medyo nakokonsensya ako if guguluhin ko pa si Alisha with my boy problems. Mamaya ma-distract pa siya sa sakit ng ulo sa akin. I would never forgive myself if magka-problem siya sa BAR dahil sa mga kaartehan ko.

Instead, on my free day, I would just read on forums like Quora or Reddit. Sometimes, Tiktok but I felt strongly against Tiktok. It’s like a… quicksand. Na sabi mo may isang video ka lang na gustong panoorin tapos biglang hindi ka na naka-alis doon kaka-scroll kasi na-figureout ng algorithm kung ano ang gusto mo.

Parang si Lui, come to think of it.

When I first saw him, I told myself na reward ko lang siya para sa hard work ko nung fourth year… But then I had fun… Told myself one more time… It wouldn’t hurt… Tapos ito ako ngayon, na-stuck na sa quicksand named Lui.

Sabi nila, this setup usually doesn’t work kasi may isang party na nagkaka-feelings (aka me) kaya may masasaktan. Pero sabi din naman sa isang comments, possible naman daw basta magset ako ng clear boundaries. I thought clear na iyong no sleepover saka no double texting rule ko, pero parang hindi pa enough. Gusto ko nga ring dagdagan na no romanticizing him pero parang ang hirap nito. Every time I’d see that guy? My imagination runs amok.

’Yan lang ang ginawa ko buong Sunday and mas lalo lang akong na-stress nung nakita ko na karamihan sa mga kasabay kong mag-e-exam ay nagrereview pa rin. God, nakaka-guilty naman magpahinga!

“Ano ba ’yan,” I uttered to myself nung sabay kaming dumating ni Lui sa may review center. Magkatabi din iyong sasakyan namin. I was waiting for him na lumabas na sa car niya para mauna na siya sa room, but he wasn’t going out.

After checking my reflection at the mirror, lumabas na rin ako. I really didn’t want to overthink nor to put colors into his actions, but ang coincidence naman na nung lumabas ako at saka rin siya lumabas sa car niya.

Sasabihan ako ni Alisha na delulu pero how not to kapag may mga ganitong ‘coincidences?!’

“Morning,” he said when he saw me.

I gave him a small nod. “Morning,” I replied as I tried my hardest na ’wag pansinin kung gaano siya ka-cute while he was wearing sunglasses. I mean, totoo naman na mataas iyong araw… but still, sunglasses in review class?

Sabay kaming naglakad papasok ni Lui. Nung malapit na kami sa classroom, binilisan ko iyong lakad ko para mas mauna akong pumasok sa room. Ewan ko ba… ayoko lang siguro i-ask pa ako ng mga sis ko if bakit kami sabay ni Lui. It would bum me out real bad kung kailangan ko pang i-explain sa kanila iyong situation ko.

I sat on my seat, brought out my laptop, and told myself to forget about Lui and his commitment issues and to just focus on the review class.

The whole morning session, nagdiscuss tungkol sa mga sagot sa Civil Law mock bar. Sabi ng ibang friends ko na lawyer na ngayon, mas mahirap daw talaga iyong mock bar kaysa sa actual BAR. ’Wag daw ako masyado mabahala kung ’di ako naka-sagot sa mock bar. So, that’s what I told myself habang nagdidiscuss at parang nasa kawalan niyong mga sagot ko.

Nung lunch time, hindi ako sumama sa mga friends ko kumain. I knew that they’d be discussing the exam again and I really didn’t want to listen to them. Ayoko kasi talaga na pinaguusapan iyong mga sagot sa exam. For me kasi, what’s done is done. Sa kanila naman, to learn from their mistakes and avoid it in the future. Ang sa akin pa rin, out of sight, out of mind.

Also, hindi pa ako nagugutom. Naka-upo lang ako sa may hagdan sa likuran nung review center. Medyo tahimik doon at ang naririnig ko lang ay iyong tunog nung aircon.

“Lalim ng iniiisip.”

Napa-tingin ako sa pinanggalingan ng boses. Nakita ko si Lui na naglalakad palapit sa akin. He was holding a box of cigarette.

“Hindi ko alam kung paano ako papasa,” I said.

Naka-upo pa rin ako sa may steps nung hagdan. Naka-sandal siya sa may pader sa gilid nun. Hawak lang niya iyong box ng sigarilyo pero hindi niya pa binubuksan ’yon.

“Paano ba pumasa sa BAR?” I asked.

He shrugged. “How did you pass your exams in school?”

“Nagreview lang.”

“Ganon din gawin mo dito.”

“It’s different, though. Ang daming inaaral. ’Di ko alam paano isisiksik lahat sa utak ko.”

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. Inilagay niya iyong dalawang kamay niya sa magkabilang bulsa ng pantalon niya. Sinandal niya rin iyong ulo niya sa may pader at saka tumingin sa dingding. From where I was sitting, I could see his Adam’s apple. Kita ko rin kung gaano katangos—God, Tali! Babagsak ka na lang sa BAR, iyan pa ang una mong iniisip. Hopeless ka na talaga.

“Di ko rin alam,” sabi niya. “Take it one subject at a time, I guess.”

I wrinkled my nose. “Sure pass ka na. Lagi kayang 100% sa SCA.”

Napa-tingin siya sa akin na naka-kunot ang noo. “So?” he replied like he didn’t like what I said. “E ’di mas lalong nakaka-hiya kung ako iyong babagsak.”

Napaawang iyong labi ko sa sagot niya at saka sa tono nung boses niya. “I… didn’t mean it that way,” sabi ko sa kanya. “I mean, sobrang hirap bago maka-graduate sa SCA. Kapag naka-graduate ka, more or less, ready na for BAR.”

Super lakas ng tibok ng puso ko. Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya. Kinuha niya na iyong sigarilyo sa bulsa niya at saka sinindihan ’yon. Na-stress ba siya sa akin? I didn’t mean naman na basta tiga-SCA e makaka-pasa na lang sa exam. Of course magrereview pa rin sila. Did he think na binabalewala ko iyong effort nila?

Ugh.

Hirap naman magka-crush—kakambal ata nito ang overthinking.

“Are you mad?” I asked him.

Napa-tingin siya sa akin habang nasa pagitan ng mga ngipin niya iyong sigarilyo na hawak ng kamay niya. “Hindi,” sagot niya. “Bakit mo inisip na galit ako?”

I shrugged. “May question pala ako.”

Naka-tingin lang siya sa akin at saka tumango. He began smoking. Doon naman sa kabilang side niya binubuga iyong usok, pero naaamoy ko pa rin. Suki na ata talaga ako ng secondhand smoke.

“Nasa Jury iyong mga ka-frat mo. Bakit nandito ka?” I asked because I genuinely was curious.

Kahit wala si Lui dito sa Legal Verge, dito pa rin ako mag-e-enroll kasi nandito iyong mga sis ko. Akala ko nandito siya kasi nandito iyong mga ka-frat niya pero karamihan sa kanila, nasa Jury. Actually, karamihan sa mga tiga-SCA ay nasa Jury. Mas gusto ko lang kasi dito sa Legal Verge kasi may quiz every meeting (at least sa may proper BAR review). Ako kasi iyong tipo ng estudyante na kapag walang ginagawa masyado, nagrerelax. I needed constant supervision. Para akong nasa kinder.

He shrugged. “For a change,” he replied kahit obviously he was just trying to deflect. Tapos ay humithit ulit siya sa sigarilyo niya. “They’re just pissing me off at the moment,” biglang sabi niya.

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. Kumunot ang noo ko. May issue ba sa frat nila? Wala talaga akong malay sa mga naganap nitong fourth year. Masyado akong busy sa pag-iisip kung paano makaka-graduate at makaka-alis sa impyernong law school. Wala akong pakielam sa issue ng ibang mga tao.

“Oh… but kasali ka pa rin naman sa BAROPS nila?” I asked him.

Tumango siya. Tumingin siya sa akin at saka bahagyang inarko iyong kilay niya. “Bakit? Ibabarops mo ako kung wala?”

I scoffed. “Baliw ka ba? Mag-e-exam din ako.”

Natawa siya. “Ikaw na lang ibabarops ko next time.”

Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mata tapos ay naghanap ako ng wooden surface at saka nag knock on wood. “Wag ka nga! Hindi ko na kayang magreview ulit. Ngayon pa lang feeling ko mauubos na iyong buhok ko. Nagkaka-hair fall na ako,” reklamo ko sa kanya.

Then my heart beat got louder when Lui reached for my hair at saka hinawakan niya iyon. Rinig na rinig ko iyong lakas ng tibok ng puso ko kahit simpleng paghawak lang naman sa buhok ko iyong ginawa niya.

Umatras ako.

Malandi si Lui. Malandi talaga siyang tao. Parang innate na sa kanya ang kalandian. It’s up to me to defend myself against his kalandian—like physically get away from him.

Natawa siya sa reaction ko. I just cleared my throat. Tapos iyong bwisit na tiyan ko ay nagdecide na ngayon ang perfect time para tumunog siya.

“Di ka pa nagllunch?” he asked. Umiling ako. “Tara.”

“Saan?”

“Lunch,” he replied.

Napa-tingin ako sa relo ko. “Start na in 15 minutes.”

“It’s fine. Labor lang naman.”

I frowned. “I like Labor.”

“Better, then. Alam mo na ’yon.”

Sumunod ako sa kanya. “Baka gusto mo lang magcutting class.”

Natawa siya. “Cutting? Ano tayo? High school?”

“Hindi ako nagccutting.”

“Wow, model student.”

“Ha-ha.”

He chuckled and then threw his cigarette butt in the trashcan. “What do you want to eat?” he asked nung huminto kami sa harap ng sasakyan niya.

“San tayo pupunta? Baliw ka ba?” I asked kasi akala ko maglalakad lang kami papunta sa convenience store or something para bumili ng food. Mamaya biglang makarating na naman ako sa La Union!

He shrugged. “Come on. What do you want to eat?”

“May Labor nga!”

“Magsesend naman sila ng review notes.”

“Still—”

“Fine,” he said tapos ay binuksan niya na iyong pinto ng sasakyan niya.

“San ka pupunta?”

“Kakain.”

“Iiwan mo ako?”

“Ayoko ng namimilit,” he replied while looking directly into my eyes like he was pertaining to something else.

Napaawang iyong labi ko. God… isa ’to sa mga moment na nalilito talaga ako. Alam ko na I should stand on my ground… but looking at him? Damn him!

I groaned. “Fine,” I said as I got in his car. “You’re sabotaging my education,” I continued and I heard him laughing as he got in his car, as well.

While we were stranded in the traffic of Metro Manila, nasa phone ko lang ako at saka naghahanap ng gusto kong kainan. I also messaged my friends na in case na hindi ako maka-balik sa room, kunin nila iyong mga gamit ko. Ewan ko ba kay Lui. At ewan ko rin sa sarili ko kung bakit ako nandito.

The traffic was so so bad na halos one hour before kami nakarating sa BGC from our review center.

“Di na talaga tayo makaka-balik,” I said kasi super traffic. ’Di na namin aabutan ’yung review… Gusto ko pa naman ’yung Labor.

I was rethinking my life choices kung bakit ba ako nandito sa sasakyan niya instead na nagrereview ako. Hindi ko napansin na nasa basement parking ako ng… condo ni Lui?

He got out of the car. Sumunod ako sa kanya. He was on his phone doing whatever it was that he’s always doing on his phone. Hindi ko siya maabala kaya naman naka-sunod na lang ako sa kanya.

What the heck? Bakit nandito na naman ako? Did this mean that… we’d have sex again?

That was the question that was bogging my mind kaya naman nung nasa elevator kami, panay ang tingin ko sa kanya. Would he kiss me? Here? Maghhousetour ba ulit ako sa condo niya ng SPG edition? I mean, I’d be okay with hooking up with him naman pero sana sinabi niya kasi gusto ko talaga umattend sa Labor Lecture sana.

But he didn’t kiss me sa elevator. Pagpasok namin sa condo niya, he told me to sit on his couch. Normally, I’d be annoyed kapag sinasabihan ako ng gagawin, but weirdly enough, I really like it kapag inuutusan ako ni Lui.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang ginagawa niya nung bigla niyang i-connect iyong laptop niya sa TV.

“What—”

“Your labor lecture,” he said as he clicked on a vid ng lecture ng labor. “Pero last year pa ’yan. Send ko sa ’yo ’yung bagong jurisprudence.” Napaawang iyong labi ko. “Ang ingay mo kasi.”

I pursed my lips together. Gusto ko siyang hampasin kasi siya nagsasabi na ’wag ako ma-fall or something tapos gagawa siya ng ganito? Okay lang ba siya?

“Thanks,” I simply said to told myself to remove the ‘in awe’ expression on my face. Kasi baka bigyan na naman ako ng reality talk ni Lui.

I began watching the lecture. I was so into the lecture that I didn’t notice na lumabas pala si Lui sa unit niya. Napa-tingin lang ako nung marinig ko na bumalik siya. Akala ko may akyat-bahay kasi hindi ko naman alam na umalis pala siya in the first place.

Napaawang iyong labi ko nung makita ko na may dala siyang paperbag ng food.

“Just watch your lecture,” he said as he cleared the table at saka nilagay iyong mga food doon. He ordered quite a lot kung para sa aming dalawa lang iyong food. Hindi na ako makapagfocus sa lecture ko kasi patingin-tingin lang ako sa kanya habang inaayos niya ’yon.

Babaliwin ata ako ng lalaking ’to. One second, he’d tell you na ’wag mo siyang seryosohin. The next one, magpplay siya ng video lecture para sa ’yo tapos bibigyan ka ng food.

Once again, I’m just a girl!

“T-thanks,” I said when Lui set the tray on the table sa harap nung couch. Naupo siya sa tabi ko. There was a small space between us, but he still was too freaking close for my heart to handle.

I was trying so hard to focus on the lecture, pero hindi ko maintindihan iyong sinasabi nung lecturer about sa labor-only contracting. All my senses were attuned to Lui’s every movement. How his legs were spread quite apart at naka-patong doon iyong mga braso niya. How his eyes were on the TV and how he seemed to be focused on listening to the lecture. How his forehead would crease when some concepts were vague for him.

But then he reached for the remote and paused the video.

“Akala ko ba—”

“Study break,” I said instead and went for the kill and kissed him because god, he really was driving me insane!

**

This story is already at Chapter 11 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 07

Chapter 07

‘Wru? Study out tayo? I’m going insane.’

Naka-tingin ako sa text ni Alisha sa akin. Back then, I’d always disliked girls who’d ditch their friends para sa boyfriend nila. Mas nakaka-inis iyong mga hindi magpaparamdam kapag may boyfriend sila tapos biglang magpapa-kita kapag break. Tapos kapag okay na ulit sila o may bagong boyfriend na, magdidisappear na naman.

But maybe Lui really performed some kind of voodoo on me.

‘Sorry can’t right now :((( Next week promise.’

I felt guilty. Gusto ko rin namang makasama si Alisha sa review, but with Lui, I really felt like I was on some kind of borrowed time. Ilang beses niya ng nabanggit sa akin na ’wag ko siyang seryosohin. I was trying my best to do just that. Sometimes, though, some feelings would slip through the crack… but then I’d always remind myself na hanggang BAR review lang ’to.

At best, I had a few months… maiintindihan naman siguro ni Alisha kung gusto ko lang sulitin iyong oras.

‘Here.’

Agad na kinuha ko iyong mga gamit ko nung ma-receive ko iyong message ni Lui na nasa baba na siya. Dumiretso ako sa sasakyan niya nung nakita ko na naka-hinto iyon sa labas ng condo ko. I got in his car and he just gave me a small nod. I saw him stretching his neck and then putting his left hand on his nape.

“Okay ka lang?” I asked him.

Napa-tingin siya sa akin. “Yeah, why?”

“You look kinda off,” I told him.

I mean, I didn’t really know kung ano kaming dalawa. Ayoko rin namang isipin kung ano kaming dalawa. Ang goal ko lang ay magreview at saka mag-enjoy. Kasi based on experience, tuwing iniisip ko kung ano kami ni Lui, nagkaka-migraine lang ako.

So, I decided na maging in denial at delulu muna ako at least kahit ngayong review period lang.

“Medyo masakit lang ’yung ulo ko,” sabi niya sa akin.

I looked at his face. Halata na pagod siya dahil sa mga mata niya. Siguro masyado lang akong laging naka-tingin sa mukha niya kaya napapansin ko kahit konting pagbabago lang.

“Natulog ka ba?” He nodded. “Ilang oras?”

He shrugged. “Four?”

“Akala ko ba nurse ka? Bakit ’di mo alam na masama ’yang ganyang tulog?”

He turned his head to look at me. He gave me a small smile kaya nakita ko na naman ’yang bwisit na dimples niya. “You’re worried about me,” he stated, cocking his head to the side.

I scoffed. “Feeler ka talaga,” sabi ko sa kanya tapos ay natawa lang siya. “Di mo ba alam na ang golden rule sa review ay bawal magka-sakit?” sabi ko. “Besides, sabi sa akin, kailangan daw na ayusin natin ’yung body clock natin na aral sa umaga tapos tulog sa gabi. Kasi kapag hindi, baka antukin tayo sa mismong exam.”

He was just staring at me—a little too long for my comfort kaya naman nagsimula akong makaramdam ng pagkakailang. Hindi ko talaga kaya na naka-titig sa akin si Lui. Pakiramdam ko ay malulusaw na lang talaga ako.

“So, what do you suggest that we do?” sabi niya tapos ay napa-tingin sa orasan. It was quarter past 7PM. “Uwi na lang ba ako?”

Uuwi na lang siya? I had looked forward to seeing him tonight. For the past week, sabay kaming nag-aaral sa study hub. I had grown fond of our little routine. Susunduin niya ako around 7PM tapos sabay kaming pupunta sa study hub. We’d study there until 11PM tapos ay pupunta kami sa condo niya. Then uuwi ako around 2AM. Tapos ay papasok ulit ako sa review center.

I had to stock up on vitamins dahil pakiramdam ko ay magkaka-sakit na ako sa schedule namin… Kahit nung sa law school nga ay hindi ko ginagawa ’yon. Believer kaya ako ng complete sleep hours! Super bihira lang ako nag-a-all nighter. Iba talaga ang hatak sa akin ng Lui na ’to.

“Yup,” I said kahit labag sa loob ko. “Just go to sleep and have some rest. See you sa review center,” I continued tapos ay dumiretso na akong lumabas kahit gustung-gusto ko pa talaga magstay sa sasakyan niya and be in his proximity.

Dire-diretso lang akong naglakad at hindi ko siya nilingon dahil baka biglang magbago iyong isip ko kapag nakita ko siya. Saka… pakiramdam ko ay kailangan ko na rin ng pahinga. I had been over-exerting myself. I was feeling the fatigue already. Buong araw na ako sa review center tapos nag-aaral na naman ako kasama si Lui sa gabi. At this point, baka magtop na ako sa BAR exam sa sipag ko! Masshock buong pamilya ko, if ever.

I tried to sleep, but it was like my whole body was already used to staying up late. Instead of forcing myself to sleep, nandon na lang ako sa couch at saka nanonood ng Kdrama pampatulog.

“What the—” I said when I saw Lui’s face sa isa sa mga Instagram Story ng sis ko. I had to go back to the story para ma-check kung siya ba talaga ’yon.

Wow… ako na nga nagmalasakit sa kanya para makapagrest siya, tapos pupunta siya sa club? Also, bakit nasa club iyong sis ko? It’s literally Thursday! Hindi ba siya makapaghintay ng Friday para pumarty?

I kept on telling myself that it wasn’t my place to police kung anuman ang ginagawa ni Lui. I told him na magpahinga siya. He’s a nurse. Dapat alam niya na kailangan niyang magpahinga.

It’s not my business—ugh! But what if may babae siyang makilala sa club? What if may dalhin siya sa condo niya tapos—

Mabilis akong umiling. Nope. No, Tali. Literally wala kang pakielam dapat sa kung anuman ang ginagawa ni Lui. Also, kung gagamitin mo lang ’yang utak mo for a change, dapat siguro ay tigilan mo na rin ang pakikipaghookup kay Lui. See how he’s in a club? May iuuwi na naman ’yan. Hindi ka ba kinikilabutan na part ka ng harem ni Lui? Where’s the pride, Italia Reign?!

‘Are you resting?’

I opted to text him instead. This was already a bargain for me. Gusto ko talaga siyang puntahan, pero napaka-weird ko naman kung bigla akong susulpot doon. Kahit pa sabihin ko sa kanya na nakita ko lang siya sa story ng sis ko, I doubted if he’d focus on that and not on the fact na pumunta ako sa club dahil lang nakita ko siya roon.

‘Yes.’

‘In bed?’

Hindi agad siya naka-reply. I was just holding my phone and staring at it like na para bang bibilis ang pagrereply niya kapag naka-titig lang ako doon.

‘No, I’m out.’

‘We have review class tomorrow.’

‘I know. Sandali lang ako dito.’

‘Nasan ka ba?’

Shucks. Mukha ba akong pushy? Mukha ba akong clingy? O baka pwede niya namang basahin na parang concerned citizen lang ako?

‘Club,’ he replied after a few minutes. I read his message from the notification bar. Ilang minuto rin iyong lumipas na hindi ako nagrereply kasi hindi ko rin naman alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko doon. ‘Wanna join?’

I should say no. Nasa condo na ako. Naka-pajama na nga ako. Ready na akong matulog. May klase pa kami bukas.

Pero kailan ba nanalo ang logic sa gusto ko talagang mangyari?

---

Normally, matagal ako mamili ng isusuot ko lalo na kapag alam ko na maraming makaka-kita sa akin. But tonight, masyado akong nagmamadali. I opted for a little black dress… but then again, one could never go wrong with a little black dress. I also wore my red strappy heels. At dahil nagmamadali talaga ako, I just let my hair loose at saka nagred lipstick ako.

I got inside the club and I definitely didn’t miss the noise and the smell of smoke. Tumingin ako sa paligid at so far, wala pa naman akong nakikita na kakilala ko. I mean, yeah, malakas uminom mga tao sa law school, pero bihira lang ako maka-rinig ng nagpaparty in the middle of the week. The partying and getting drunk and wasted were usually reserved for Saturday nights.

Naka-tayo lang ako sa may malapit sa hagdan paakyat sa VIP area nang may biglang bumulong sa tenga ko. Halos mapa-talon ako sa gulat.

“I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you,” sabi ni Lui nang makita ko siya na naka-tayo sa likuran ko. Iba na iyong suot niya ngayon sa suot niya kanina. He’s now wearing a faded blue jeans and white longsleeves na naka-bukas iyong unang tatlong butones. He’s also wearing his silver chain necklace.

I was about to reply, but my vocabulary failed me nang makita ko na tinignan niya ako mula ulo papuntang paa pabalik sa mukha ko.

“Well, damn,” sabi niya.

“What?” I asked, suddenly feeling shy because he’s still staring at me intently.

“Nothing,” he replied, slowly shaking his head. “Red looks good on you.”

Mabuti na lang at madilim dahil kung hindi, makikita niya na kulay pula na rin iyong pisngi ko at dulo ng tenga ko dahil sa sinabi niya.

“T-thanks,” I said. Naka-tingin pa rin siya sa akin. “What?” I asked again.

“I’m still thinking,” sagot niya.

“About?”

“What to do with you,” he replied, and then he took a sip from the glass of whiskey that he was holding. “I plan to stay here for another hour but,” he said and then stopped.

“But what?”

“But look at you,” he replied and then drew a deep breath and slowly shook his head.

“Pwede namang dito lang tayo,” sabi ko kahit rinig na rinig ko iyong malakas na tibok ng puso ko kahit ang lakas din ng tugtog dito sa club.

I just stood in front of him, waiting sa kung ano ang susunod na gagawin niya. He was just looking at me. His eyes weren’t leaving mine. Parang bigla akong nauhaw sa paraan ng pagtingin niya.

And then he grabbed my hand and dragged me with him. Hindi ko alam kung saan niya ako dadalhin hanggang sa huminto kami sa isang madilim na parte ng club. Ni hindi ako nagkaroon ng pagkakataon na magsalita dahil bigla niya akong sinandal sa pader.

There was no space between our bodies. Ramdam niya rin kaya iyong bilis ng tibok ng puso ko?

“What… are we gonna do?” tanong ko sa kanya.

“Make out,” he replied as his right hand went to the side of my neck while his left hand was on the side of my waist and his thumb tracing patterns there.

“Baka may maka-kita,” sagot ko sa kanya.

“I don’t think so.”

“Pero—”

“And I don’t think they can blame me,” he replied as his left hand pulled me closer to him. My lips parted when I felt how hard he was for me. God. Kaya tamang desisyon talaga na pumunta ako dito. Dapat talaga naniniwala ako lagi sa instincts ko.

“I mean, look at you,” he said as he placed his right hand under my chin and made me look up to him. “The things I want to do to you…” he whispered when he leaned in close to my left ear.

I could feel his the tip of his nose as he slowly dragged a line from my left ear to my cheek to my nose. And then his lips were dangerously close to mine… But he wouldn’t close the distance and just kiss me. Para akong mamamatay sa paghihintay.

“Please,” I said when he still wouldn’t kiss me.

“Please what?” he replied.

“Kiss me,” I pleaded.

And then he kissed me… but he was kissing me so slowly… so painfully slow that it felt an itch that I couldn’t scratch. I tried to wrap my arms around his neck so that I could pull him closer to me, but I couldn’t because he grabbed both my arms and pinned them against the wall.

Lui continued to kiss me slowly and it felt like torture.

I wanted him to kiss me like his life depended on it.

Para akong mamamatay sa bagal ng paghalik niya sa akin.

He continued to kiss me slowly. I opened my mouth and thrusted my tongue in his mouth. I felt him chuckling against my lips. Why was he laughing at me? I bit his lower lip. Napa-tigil siya at napa-atras. Binitawan niya iyong mga kamay ko na nasa itaas pa rin ng ulo ko.

“So impatient,” he said as he swiped his thumb across his lower lip to check for blood.

“It was frus—”

But then he cupped my face with both his hands and began kissing me again… only this time, he was kissing me like he meant it. This was how I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted him to kiss me like he’d die if he stopped. I wanted him to kiss me that I’d forget that other people existed outside of the two of us.

We were kissing quickly and deeply and his hands were touching my body. His left hand was on my neck and his right hand was on my chest… down to my stomach… then to my—

“Not here,” I said when I felt his hand in the middle of my legs. I looked at him. My lips felt sore from all the kissing, but I didn’t mind. “We’re future lawyers, Lui. We can’t have sex—”

“We won’t,” he said as he pressed his thumb against me and began rubbing. “We’re the only people here,” he continued as he looked around to check our surroundings.

Oh, god… He was only caressing me down there, pero pakiramdam ko ay lalagutan na ako ng hininga.

“I won’t fuck you in a public place, Tali. I’m a gentleman,” he said, looking straight into my eyes. And then he leaned in and whispered, “I just want to finger you.” My heart drummed loudly inside my chest. “Is that okay with you?” he asked.

I couldn’t even find the words… but I found myself nodding to his proposal.

“Thank you,” he said as I felt him putting his fingers inside my underwear and then began to rub me like the expert that he was. His mouth was still on my ear. “The music is loud, Tali. No one can hear you but me. You can moan,” he continued as he rubbed me faster.

I was breathing deeply.

Para akong mababaliw.

Naka-kapit iyong magkabila kong kamay sa mga balikat niya.

“You can come now,” he said like he knew the exact moment that I’d come undone… like he knew me better than I knew myself.

Habol-habol ko pa iyong paghinga ko nang lumuhod si Lui. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang ginagawa niya doon nang hilahin niya pababa iyong underwear ko.

“What are you doing—” I asked when he managed to get me to remove my undies. But then he began to wipe me down there. Nanlaki iyong mga mata ko dahil sa ginagawa niya. “What the heck—”

“What? Would you rather walk around with your cu—”

I groaned. “Stop, please.”

Natawa lang siya tapos ay napaawang iyong labi ko nang ilagay niya sa bulsa sa likod niya iyong panty ko. “For safekeeping,” he said.

“You freaking weirdo.”

“What? Gusto mong ilagay ’to d’yan sa bag mo?” he asked. “What can you even put in that little bag?” he continued habang naka-tingin sa may Prada handbag ko.

Lui waited for me to fix myself bago kami lumabas. Wala siyang sinabi kung saan kami pupunta, pero sasama naman ako kahit saan niya ako dalhin.

“Gutom ka ba?” he asked while we’re walking. “Okay ka lang?” he asked when he saw na medyo mabagal ako maglakad.

“No.”

“Why?”

“Hindi ako sanay.”

“Na?”

“Na maglakad na walang panty.”

Napaawang iyong labi ni Lui tapos ay nakita ko na tatawa na siya nang mapa-hinto kami dahil nakita namin iyong ibang mga kasama niya sa frat. Papasok pa lang sila sa club. Nagtatawanan sila nang malakas na parang sila ang may-ari ng lugar na ’to.

“My car’s parked outside,” sabi niya nang iabot sa akin iyong keyfob ng sasakyan niya. “Wait for me there,” he continued before walking quickly and leaving me in the dark hallway where I probably belonged.

**

This story is already at Chapter 13 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 08

Chapter 08

A dirty, little secret—that’s what I felt nung palabasin ako ni Lui at papuntahin mag-isa sa sasakyan niya. I knew that no one really knew about us. Kahit ako ay ayaw kong sabhin sa mga sis ko na may nangyayari sa amin ni Lui. But I had a reason. He’s flirted with a lot of my sisters that being seen with him would literally cause problems for me… pero siya? Nakaka-hiya ba ako kasama na tipong kailangan kong magtago sa sasakyan niya?

I felt so bad for myself.

But still… I had no one to blame but myself kasi ginusto ko naman ’to. Wala namang pumipilit sa akin na gawin ’to. Wala namang naka-tutok na baril sa akin tuwing nagda-drive ako papunta sa condo niya.

Tsk. Ang hirap talaga kapag wala kang ibang pwedeng sisihin kung hindi ang katangahan mo.

Huminga ako nang malalim nung makita ko si Lui na naglalakad papunta sa sasakyan ko. True enough, huminto siya sa may tapat ng driver’s seat at saka kumatok sa bintana ko.

“Why?” tanong ko sa kanya.

“Wanna review later?” he asked.

Thursday pa nung nangyari iyong pagpapa-punta niya sa akin sa sasakyan niya. Thursday na ulit ngayon. Ilang araw na akong hindi sumasama sa kanya sa review niya sa study hub. Sinasabi ko sa kanya na may headache ako. I mean, totoo naman. Nagkaka-migraine na ako sa pag-iisip kung bakit ang tanga-tanga ko sa kanya.

Maganda naman ako! Bakit ba ako nagtitiis dito sa lalaking ’to? Pogi nga, pero lagi naman akong iniistress.

“Try ko pero—”

“Masakit kasi ulo mo?” he said, finishing my statement for me. He placed both his arms sa bintana ko and then leaned in. “Are you avoiding me?” he asked.

I scoffed. “No,” I said, but I probably didn’t beat his allegations kasi kahit ako ay hindi maniniwala sa sagot ko.

“Really?”

“Ang hassle for me,” I said, instead. “Pupunta pa ako sa Makati then sa condo mo tapos saka pa lang ako makaka-uwi. As a nurse, dapat alam mo na magkaka-sakit talaga ako sa ganon.”

Lui was just looking at me like he was trying to gauge kung nagsisinungaling ba ako or what. I mean, totoo din naman iyong sinabi ko sa kanya. Nakakapagod iyong set-up na ’yon, ha! Ni hindi ko nga ginawa iyon buong law school life ko, tapos biglang ginawa ko para sa kanya? Iba rin talaga siya.

“Fine,” he said.

“Good—”

“Invite me to your condo,” he continued.

Napaawang iyong labi ko. “What?”

“Don ako mag-aaral.”

Nakaawang pa rin iyong labi ko. “Wala ka bang study table sa condo mo?”

“Mas nakaka-aral ako kapag nandyan ka,” he said. Diretso pa rin siyang naka-tingin sa mga mata ko. ’Wag lang talaga akong pakitaan ng dimple ng taong ’to. One week na akong naging independent girl! ’Wag niyang sirain iyong progress ko. “Unless you’re really avoiding me.”

“I’m not nga.”

“Then invite me.”

“You’re annoying.”

Ah, fuck. Pinakita na iyong dimples niya.

“Fine, whatever. Just follow me,” sabi ko sa kanya tapos ay tinulak paalis iyong mga braso niya at saka tinaas na iyong salamin ng sasakyan ko.

Nagdrive ako papunta sa condo ko. Lui was just following me hanggang makarating kami sa basement parking. I got out of my car and saw him na nagpapark pa. I just stood there and waited for him na matapos sa pagpapark niya. Naalala ko na naman tuloy iyong sa club. I could wait for him para sabay kaming aakyat sa condo ko… habang siya ay pinauna na ako para walang maka-kita sa amin.

Alam ko naman na down bad ako for him… I wasn’t denying that… But damn, nakaka-baba ng self-worth ’yung ginawa niya.

I watched as Lui got out of his car. Kinuha niya sa backseat iyong backpack niya tapos ay naglakad siya papunta sa akin. He’s so handsome… pero alam ko na may ibang gwapo naman sa mundong ’to. Alam ko rin na may ibang lalaki who would treat me better…

Ugh.

Baka nga tama si Alisha at nasa vagina iyong puso ko.

“What do you want for dinner?” he asked.

I looked at him and frowned. “Dito ka rin magdidinner?”

“6PM na kaya.”

“Fine,” I said. “Basta 10PM ang bedtime ko.”

Natawa siya. Gusto ko na lagyan ng sticky note iyong magkabilang pisngi niya para hindi ko makita iyong dimples niya. And what’s with my fascination with his dimples? May dimples din naman ako!

“Alright, Ms. Italia,” he replied. “Sungit mo. Malapit na ba period mo?” dugtong niya tapos ay sabay na kaming naglakad papunta sa elevator.

“I’m not talking about my period with you.”

“Why not? I’m a medical professional.”

“Non-practicing.”

“Still a nurse,” he replied. “What’s your undergrad?”

“Secret.”

Natawa siya. “Come on…”

“Secret nga.”

“Why?”

I shrugged. “Basta.”

“Bakit ayaw mong sabihin sa ’kin? I thought we’re friends?” he asked.

See? Kaya ayaw ko siyang pasamahin dito, e. Okay naman iyong mood ko kanina. Actually, okay naman ako buong linggo. Tapos biglang sasabihan niya ako na friends kami? Friends?! After ng lahat ng pinaggagawa niya sa akin, friends kami?!

Siguraduhin niya lang na tanda niya pa lahat ng pinag-aralan niya sa nursing dahil hina-highblood ako sa kanya.

“Friends mo mukha mo,” sabi ko sa kanya at sakto na bumukas iyong elevator kaya lumabas ako doon. Naglakad ako papunta sa unit ko. I got in and he followed. I saw him looking around. “I have food sa ref. Kung ayaw mo, pa-deliver ka na lang,” dugtong ko bago ako pumasok sa room ko para magpalit ng damit.

Before, gusto ko talaga na naka-ayos ako sa harap ni Lui. I always wanted to look cute and put together in front of him. But now? After nung ginawa niya sa club tapos ay ‘friends’ daw kami? I got a makeup remover tapos ay tinanggal ko na lahat ng makeup sa mukha ko. Alam ko rin na gusto niya kapag naka-ponytail ako kaya naman naka-lugay lang iyong buhok ko. Naka-suot lang ako nung pink ko na headband. I also changed into my pink long-sleeved silk pajama.

“You have a lot of food,” sabi ni Lui habang naka-tayo pa rin siya sa harap nung ref ko.

“Nagdadala ng food for me para hindi ko na iisipin iyong kakainin ko,” I simply replied. Lui closed the door of the ref and then turned to look at me. I saw how his lips parted when he saw me. What? Natakot ba siya sa mukha ko kapag walang makeup? Grabe naman! Ganon pa rin naman itsura ko but medyo pale. “What?” I asked because I felt uncomfortable when he was just staring at me.

He walked towards me.

No.

I needed to protect my heart aka my vagina from further confusion.

Bago pa man siya maka-lapit sa akin ay naglakad na ako papunta sa may dining table ko. Maliit lang ’yon dahil ako lang naman usually ang kumakain dito. Naramdaman ko na naka-tayo si Lui sa likuran ko. I looked up to look at him, pero bago pa man ako makapagsalita, naramdaman ko iyong labi niya sa labi ko.

God, the attack comes from all sides! There’s no place safe!

Lui was kissing me slowly. He was nibling on my lips. Ako? Ang tanging naririnig ko lang ay iyong lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko. Isang linggo ko rin siyang hindi nahalikan… Nakaka-miss pala. Niloloko ko lang pala iyong sarili ko nung sinabi ko na kiss lang naman ’yon.

“I’d always wanted to try that,” sabi niya nung pakawalan niya iyong labi ko. “Ang sakit pala sa batok.”

He pulled the chair opposite to mine tapos ay naupo doon. “Tali,” he called.

“Y-yeah?” I replied, telling myself na umayos. Kiss lang ’yon, pero nayanig na naman iyong buong mundo ko.

“I’ll just order food,” he said. “Bigay ata ng parents mo ’yon. Nakaka-hiyang kainin.”

My braincells were in scramble dahil sa isang minuto na paghalik niya sa akin kaya naman tumango na lang ako sa kanya. I nodded at whatever Lui was telling me. Tapos ay sinabi ko na sa kwarto ako mag-aaral dahil hindi rin naman kasya iyong mga gamit naming pareho sa dining table ko.

“It’s fine, Tali,” I told myself habang naka-upo ako sa study chair ko. “I mean, hindi rin naman pwede iyong cold turkey ka agad. At the very least, self-aware ka naman na kahinaan mo si Lui. Basta na lang stick tayo sa curfew.”

I gave myself peptalk tapos ay nagstart na lang din akong mag-aral. Bakit kasi nandito siya? Dapat ay nanonood na ako ng movie ngayon. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang meron sa lalaking ’to na napapa-aral ako.

I was in the middle of reading nung maka-rinig ako ng katok sa pintuan ko.

“What?” I asked nung buksan ko iyong pinto.

“Nasa baba na ’yung pagkain.”

“Ah, okay,” I replied tapos ay lumabas na rin ako sa kwarto ko. I grabbed my cardigan and my keys.

“Ako na,” he said. “Pabukas na lang ng pinto ulit.”

“Ako na,” I replied. “Kailangan ng access card para maka-akyat ka ulit.”

Nilahad niya iyong kamay niya. “Pahiram nung sa ’yo.”

“Ako na,” I said. “Baka tanungin kung kanino kang unit. Malaman pa na nagdadala ako ng lalaki dito,” I continued bago ako naglakad palabas sa unit ko.

I didn’t mean to say that… I mean, yeah, I kinda did… Bwisit pa rin ako sa ginawa niya sa akin sa club. Gusto ko lang malaman niya iyong pakiramdam na tinatago… but then again, wala naman siyang pakielam sa akin, so the result would be different for him.

Unfair.

Buti na lang at isang delivery guy lang iyong nasa baba kaya nakuha ko agad iyong food na pina-deliver ni Lui. Dumiretso lang ako pabalik sa unit ko. Nakita ko na naka-upo siya sa couch at naka-tingin sa akin.

“Tali,” pagtawag niya sa akin.

Tumingin ako sa kanya.

“I can just leave.”

Bahagyang kumunot iyong noo ko.

“I like spending time with you, but if I’m making you uncomfortable, I can just leave.”

I didn’t like how I felt fear creeping up my system. Did he mean that he’ll leave me alone? Na hindi na ulit niya ako kakausapin? Hahalikan? Babalik kami sa dati na hindi magkakilala?

I hated what he did to me before… but I didn’t hate him enough to want him gone from my life.

“Para kang tanga,” I casually said as I placed the food on the table. Lumingon ako sa kanya. “I’m not uncomfortable. Sinabi ko na sa ’yo na masama iyong pakiramdam ko lately, ’di ba?” I told him and then proceeded to put the food containers on the table.

Naka-upo lang siya habang pinapanood ako. Nang matapos ako, lumingon ako at nakita ko na naka-tingin lang siya sa akin.

“Kain na tayo,” sabi ko sa kanya.

Instead of answering, I just saw him sighing before he got up and went to his seat.

Lui and I ate in silence. Nakaka-panibago. Nung matapos kami kumain, nilagay niya sa may paperbag lahat nung kalat. Pinunasan niya rin ng tissue iyong table ko.

Nakaramdam ako ng panic nung bigla niyang kunin iyong bag niya na nasa may gilid nung couch ko.

“Aalis ka na?” I asked, panic crawling through my entire system. Shit. Bakit ko ba kasi sinabi iyong kanina? Simula’t simula pa lang naman, sinabi na ni Lui na ‘fun’ lang ’tong sa aming dalawa. Bakit ba kasi lagi kong hinahayaan iyong sarili ko na mag-expect sa kanya? Lagi lang tuloy akong nadidisappoint kahit wala naman siyang kasalanan.

Tumango siya.

“Hindi nga ako galit o uncomfortable.”

“Sabi mo masama iyong pakiramdam mo.”

“Yes pero… hindi naman ganon kasama.”

“Just rest up.”

Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya. “Ikaw ba? Galit ka sa ’kin?” I asked him.

“No.”

“Really.”

“Yes.”

“Then, stay,” I said as I was staring into his eyes. “At least until my bedtime.”

I was counting the seconds in my head to counter the sound of my loud heart.

“Okay,” he replied.

“Okay?”

“I’ll stay,” he said. “If that’s what you want.”

**

This story is already at Chapter 14 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 09

Chapter 09

I had to constantly remind myself to be cool around Lui. No snide remarks nor passive-aggressive comments. Because once again, I was reminded of how quickly he could just decide to leave me. Paulit-ulit na naririnig ko sa utak ko iyong sinabi niya sa akin na kung uncomfortable ako sa kanya, he could just leave…

And how easy it was for him to just tell me that he’d leave.

As if that wouldn’t disrupt life as I knew it.

Ang unfair… pero ginusto ko naman ’to kaya wala akong choice kung hindi ang tahimik na magreklamo.

‘Study out???’

‘Can’t sorry :((( huhu may mock bar kami’

‘Oh okay. Good luck, babe!’

I smiled at Alisha’s response. Buti na lang naiintindihan niya na as much as I wanted to study out with her, sobrang nalulunod na lang talaga ako sa sobrang daming kailangang gawin for review. Parang wala na akong time to relax. Ni hindi na nga ako makauwi sa house namin kasi kapag uuwi ako, I felt guilty like that’s one less day to review.

Sana talaga pumasa ako. I couldn’t and didn’t want to go through this nightmare again!

Nung magdismiss na iyong review class namin, nakita ko na naunang lumabas na si Lui. Sumunod ako sa kanya, but nakita ko na nasa CR siya kaya naman naghintay ako na maka-labas siya. May mga nag-aya sa akin na magdinner, but I declined them all. Not that ayoko silang kasama magdinner, but kung hindi si Lui ang kasama ko, I’d seriously rather be in my condo. Ganon iyong level ng pagod ko.

“Ano’ng aaralin mo tonight?” I asked him nung makita ko na ulit siya.

“Tax?” he asked.

I groaned. “Shucks, oo nga pala. Ano’ng materials mo sa Tax?” I asked him tapos ay bigla siyang huminto sa may admin office. I looked at him to ask kung ano ang gagawin niya dito.

“May itatanong lang ako,” he replied tapos ay pumasok doon tapos ay iniwan ako sa labas. I stood there, staring at the closing door.

I didn’t want to overthink it. Pumasok lang naman siya sa loob. Wala naman sigurong meaning ’yon. But my annoying brain didn’t want to stop overthinking! I felt like something has changed ever since nung pumunta siya sa condo ko. He said na uncomfortable daw ako sa kanya. I told him no… but it felt like he didn’t believe what I said. Hindi rin siguro kasi ako believable dahil halata naman na something was bothering me.

Shucks.

Ito ba iyong sinasabi niya noon na nagdedetach siya?

Did he think na attached ako sa kanya? Bakit kasi nanumbat pa ako noon?!

Fuck.

What do I do?

I just stood there, in panic mode, thinking what to do to remedy this situation. Bakit ba kasi ginawa ko pang big deal iyong ginawa niya sa club? It wasn’t as if I was expecting him to introduce me to his friends sa frat kasi ano’ng sasabihin niya? Na friends kami? Like who would we be kidding? That’s like a code word for ‘I’m fucking her but we’re not together.’ He probably did me a favor by not introducing me to his friends.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano kami katagal na naka-tayo doon nung bigla na lang akong mapa-tingin sa pintuan kasi bumukas ulit ’yon. Nandon ulit si Lui. Naka-tingin siya sa akin na naka-kunot ang noo.

“What?” I asked.

“Akala ko umuwi ka na.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. Hindi ba kami sabay magdidinner?

Lui began to walk. I tried my best to walk beside him. He was walking but it was pretty obvious that he was thinking about something else. Ano kaya iyong iniisip niya? It wasn’t as if I could ask him. Baka mas lalo niya akong bigyan ng detach mode kapag nag-ask ako sa kanya.

“San tayo?” he asked.

“Ha?”

“Dinner,” he said. “Kaya mo ako hinintay, ’di ba?”

Inayos ko iyong tayo ko. I begged myself to act cool in front of him. “No, it’s fine. Akala ko lang, but okay lang din naman na umuwi na ako,” I told him as casually as I could muster.

Lui, being the master of casual, just gave me a shrug. “No, it’s fine. San mo gusto magdinner?” he asked me.

Unlike before, we drove in separate cars. I told Lui to decide kung saan niya gustong kumain. Naka-sunod lang ako sa sasakyan niya. We ended up in some resto in BGC. Pagbaba ko sa sasakyan, nakita ko na hinintay niya ako dahil naka-tayo lang siya sa gilid ng sasakyan niya… but he was on his phone.

And he was constantly on his phone during the duration of the whole dinner that I felt bad kung magsasalita ako dahil kanina pa siya may ka-text.

But of course I couldn’t say anything about it.

I felt like I was on the edge of a cliff at isang maling salita lang ang sabihin ko ay matutuluyan na ako.

When dinner ended, we were just waiting for the bill to arrive. I didn’t even ask him kung gusto niya bang mag-aral kami ng sabay. This dinner was awkward enough na gusto ko na lang umuwi sa condo at saka matulog.

I was looking around, anxiously waiting sa pagdating nung waitress para makapagbayad na kami at makaalis na kami sa resto nung matigilan ako dahil bigla kong nakita si Alisha at iba pa naming mga sis.

I saw how her forehead creased in confusion nung makita niya ako na nasa labas kahit kakasabi ko lang sa kanya na hindi ako makalabas dahil sobrang busy ako sa pagrereview… hanggang mapunta iyong mga mata niya—mga mata nilang lahat—kay Lui na nasa harapan ko at busy pa rin sa pagtetext.

Oh, shit.

Gusto kong tumayo agad to explain to them kahit hindi ko alam kung saang part ako magsisimula… pero biglang dumating iyong waitress para ibigay iyong bill namin. They saw how Lui paid for the entire tab. They must think that I’m on a date!

And that I’ve been ditching them for Lui.

Oh, God.

I didn’t want them to be mad at me. I love my sorority sisters kahit alam ko na sinasabihan kami ng iba na puro kaartehan lang kami. I’d been with them since the beginning. They’re my sisters through and through!

This was just a freaking moment of insanity. I’d been hypnotized by a dick, but I felt like malapit na ako sa waking moment ko kahit merong relapses minsan.

I tried to stand up, but I saw that they continued walking papunta sa table nila. Natigilan ako. They’re mad at me. I needed to explain. Pero paano ko sisimulan? Na fuck buddies kami ni Lui? Really, Tali? Sa tingin mo ’yan ang better explanation? Lui’s literally banned sa events ng Q! Mukha bang mas tatanggapin nila ’yung explanation ko na ’yon?

“Are you okay?” narinig ko na sabi ni Lui sa akin.

I looked at him and nodded. “Yeah.”

He didn’t look like he believed what I said, but he didn’t question it either. “Let’s go,” he said.

Umiling ako. “Mauna ka na,” I told him. I wanted to stay. Gusto kong kausapin iyong mga sis ko. Hindi ko rin alam kung paano ako mageexplain, but I wanted to at least give it a try. Mas hindi ako matatahimik kakaisip kung ano ang iniisip nila if aalis lang ako dito without even bothering to try to explain

I drew deep breaths before I started to approach my sisters. Hindi ko na tinignan kung umalis ba si Lui or what. My priority was to talk to my sisters.

Papalapit pa lang ako ay nakita ko na na naka-tingin silang lahat sa akin… And I knew them enough to know that they’d been talking about me bago pa man ako pumunta dito.

“Hey…” I said with an uneasy smile.

They were just looking at me.

“Can I?” I asked, pertaining to the vacant seat. No one really responded. I looked at Alisha. Hindi ko mabasa kung ano iyong iniisip niya. Was she mad kasi hindi ko sinabi sa kanya iyong tungkol kay Lui? But I just didn’t want to disturb her with my boy problems…

Kabadong-kabado ako habang naka-upo. I felt my entire body getting cold because all of their eyes were on me. I kept on taking deep breaths to calm myself down. Para akong bumalik sa law school. Ganito rin iyong pakiramdam ko nung pinaka-unang beses ako na natawag sa recit. It was Criminal Law. I was asked to define Criminal Law. Marunong naman akong mag-English, but at that point, nawala lahat ng laman ng vocabulary ko.

Parang ngayon… hindi ko alam kung ano ang salitang gagamitin ko.

“I wasn’t on a date,” I began. Hindi ko alam if tama ba ’yong sinabi ko, but I just couldn’t deal with more silence.

Ruby raised her eyebrow. She didn’t say a word, but raising her brow felt like bad news to me.

“We’re just having dinner,” I explained. “Both kami sa Legal Verge nagrereview kaya naging friends na rin kami,” I continued and I was so freaking nervous that I probably over-explained myself sa kanila. Para akong nasa thesis defense and sila iyong panel.

“Really,” Fria said. Oh, shucks. Best friend nga niya pala iyong isang sis namin na balita na nakipagsabunutan dahil kay Lui.

“Yes—”

“You’re just friends? Nothing’s happening?” she asked.

I could feel my heart beating loudly in my chest. Do I lie? Do I dig a deeper grave for myself? Or do I just tell them the truth? I mean, so what if I’m sleeping with Lui? I’m a grown-ass woman. Kahit nga puro katangahan lang ako, wala naman akong ibang sinisisi kundi ang sarili ko, e. Kasi desisyon ko naman lahat ’to.

Hindi agad ako nakapagsalita.

“Told you so,” Ruby whispered kay Alisha. Napa-tingin ako kay Alisha. What? They’re talking behind my back now?

“Whatever happened to sister code?” Fria asked me. “Alam mo naman na dinate ni Lui iyong iba sa mga sis natin,” she said but I knew that she’s just pertaining to her best friend na talagang dinamdam iyong kay Lui.

I wanted to bite my tongue. Lui told me that he just flirted with them sa text or Instagram. He didn’t even sleep with any of them kasi mabilis na na-discover na pareho silang tintext ni Lui. But I knew that saying these things would just get me in further trouble.

“Whatever, Tali. Lui’s your mistake to make,” Fria said. I looked at Alisha but she just gave me a blank look…

Why did this hurt like a breakup?

---

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko nagawang tumayo at maglakad paalis sa table nila. I told myself not to say any more words dahil baka mas lalo lang lumala iyong sitwasyon. I just wanted to think na lahat lang kami ay stressed sa BAR exam. That’s just it. Hindi naman siguro kami magffriendship over dahil lang dito… right? We’ve been friends for years.

I just kept on walking and walking. I just wanted to get inside my car and to just cry. Hindi ko na alam kung ano ba ang iiyak ko—iyong review ba, iyong kay Lui, o iyong sa mga sis ko. Pakiramdam ko ay sabay-sabay sila. Isang tao lang naman ako. Para akong mababaliw kakaisip kung ano ang dapat kong gawin.

“What?” I asked when I saw that Lui was waiting for me. He was standing in front of me. “I’m not in the mood,” I told him.

Nilahad niya iyong kamay niya. “Give me your keys. I’ll drive you home.”

I looked at him. He’s like 2/3 of my problem…

“They’re mad at me,” sabi ko habang naka-tingin sa kanya. “Why did you have to flirt with all of my sisters?”

He shrugged. “I only flirted with five.”

Napaawang iyong labi ko. “May isa pa?!”

Natawa siya. “You’re the fifth one,” sabi niya sa akin.

Great.

Pang-lima ako.

Hindi man lang ako umabot sa top 3.

“Come on, give me your keys,” sabi niya sa akin. “I’ll buy you ice cream.”

“Ano ’yan, bribe? Guilty ka lang kasi.”

“Not really,” sabi niya sa akin. “Wala naman kayong sash kapag naglalakad. Malay ko ba na galing kayo sa iisang sorority,” he continued habang sabay kaming naglalakad papunta sa sasakyan ko.

We got in my car. Sinandal ko lang iyong ulo ko sa gilid. Paano ko kaya ulit kakausapin sila? Lalo na si Alisha? Ayoko talaga na galit sila sa akin…

I was silent the whole drive. Nararamdaman ko na tumitingin si Lui sa akin, pero hindi ako tumitingin sa kanya.

“I’m sorry,” bigla niyang sabi.

“For what?” I replied habang naka-sandal pa rin ako at naka-tingin lang sa labas.

“I didn’t think I was that good-looking to destroy friend groups.”

Tinignan ko siya nang masama. I saw him chuckling.

“No, but seriously, I’m sorry. If they’re really mad at us hanging out, we can just stop.”

I knew that he was serious with his offer, but I didn’t immediately answer because I didn’t want to stop hanging out with him.

“They’ll be fine,” I said… and that was when I realized that I had officially lost my goddamned mind. 

**

This story is already at Chapter 15 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 10

Chapter 10

I really wanted to talk to them again, but I was just so scared that they’d shut me off again. Also, I didn’t want to add burden to them kasi nagrereview din sila for the BAR exam. Pero nase-stress talaga ako sa kaka-isip if galit talaga sila sa akin…

Tapos iniisip ko rin if kumalat na ba sa buong soro iyong sa amin ni Lui. I couldn’t even message my BAR buddies to ask for some materials. Nahihiya ako kausapin sila kasi feel ko alam din nila iyong nangyari sa may restaurant. Pero ang dami ko rin kailangan na bagong materials kasi hindi ko naman gusto iyong lahat nung binibigay sa review center.

“Wanna sit with me?” tanong ni Lui nung maabutan niya ako na nasa labas pa rin nung classroom namin.

Kanina pa ako dumating sa review center. Usually kasi mga sis ko iyong katabi ko sa classroom. Hindi ako maka-pasok kasi baka alam din nila iyong kay Lui… Pinag-uusapan kaya nila kung paano nangyari ’yon? Kasi hindi naman talaga kami nag-uusap ni Lui sa classroom. Mag-uusap kami usually doon sa may smoking area o kaya kapag dismissal na.

They’re probably talking about it.

“Okay,” I simply replied, not really wanting to talk about anything else anymore. Halos hindi ako naka-tulog kagabi sa kaka-isip sa nangyari at kung paano ako mag-e-explain. I actually wanted to skip today’s class, but I would feel worse dahil pangit na nga nangyayari sa personal life ko, madadamay pa ’yung review ko.

We got inside the room. Nakita ko na napa-tingin sa akin iyong mga sis ko. Alam siguro nila… kasi bakit naman sila titingin nang ganito sa akin?

“Come on,” Lui said, nudging me na maglakad na papunta sa likuran.

I quietly followed him. Nandon ako sa pinaka-dulo habang nasa tabi ko siya tapos ay katabi niya naman iyong mga ibang kakilala niya. Hindi ko alam kung okay ba na nandito ako sa likod kasi nakikita ko lang iyong likuran nung mga sis ko… O kung nasa harap naman ako, iisipin ko na tinitignan nila ako.

Nung dumating iyong lecturer, I told myself to focus on the review. Every time my mind would drift elsewhere, mabilis kong sinasabi sa sarili ko na magfocus lang sa review. Ito na nga lang iyong medyo maayos na nangyayari sa buhay ko, guguluhin ko pa?

“Where do you wanna eat?” Lui asked nung lunch break.

“No, I’m fine,” sabi ko sa kanya. “I’ll just eat in my car.”

“What?” sabi niya na naka-kunot ang noo. “Tara na—”

“Really, I’m fine,” I said again. “Sama ka na sa mga kaibigan mo,” I told him kasi nakikita ko pa naman iyong mga friends niya na naglalakad palabas ng review center.

Lui looked at me once again, but I just told him once more na sumama na sa mga friends niya. Mas gusto ko roon sa loob ng sasakyan ko kumain ng lunch. Gusto ko rin ng katahimikan para isipin kung paano ko kakausapin sila Alisha. I wanted to give them space, but I felt like the more that I let this be, mas lalala lang… Baka isipin nila na wala akong pakielam.

I felt like there’s no winning here.

Lui left. Pumunta ako sa sasakyan ko. Meron naman akong protein bar doon. Saka hindi ako nagugutom. Hindi talaga ako nakaka-kain kapag ganito na stressed talaga ako. Tapos feel ko nagsabay-sabay pa. Wala talaga akong appetite.

I was deep in my thoughts nang bigla akong maka-rinig ng katok sa may bintana ng sasakyan ko. I saw Lui outside my car.

“What?” I asked when I rolled the windows down doon sa may passenger seat kasi nandon siya naka-tayo.

Instead of answering, Lui unlocked the door tapos ay pumasok siya sa loob. He handed me a sandwich from one of the coffeeshop na pinupuntahan namin dito. Inabutan niya rin ako ng iced coffee.

“Thanks,” I said. “But you didn’t have to.”

I was in no mood to entertain him kaya naman tahimik lang kaming dalawa habang kumakain ng sandwich sa loob ng sasakyan ko. Nararamdaman ko pa rin siya na patingin-tingin lang sa akin. I ignored that.

“I can give you materials,” bigla niyang sabi. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. “I mean, kung may problema ka sa sorority, I can give you materials from my frat.”

“Hind ka ba papagalitan?” I asked kasi kahit sa amin may rule na bawal ipamigay outside sorority iyong materials.

He merely shrugged. “It’s fine,” sabi niya. “O kung may kailangan ka, just tell me and I’ll ask my BAR buddy to do it for you.”

Naka-tingin lang ako kay Lui.

“Nagguilty ka?” I asked him.

“Saan?” he asked like he had no idea kung ano iyong tinatanong ko.

I just looked at him. “Sa nangyari sa restaurant.”

He didn’t immediately answer. He was just holding his iced coffee at saka iyong sandwich niya na ubos niya na pala compared sa sandwich ko na nakaka-isang kagat pa lang ako.

“I don’t know,” he said. “I want to… but when I think about it, what exactly did I do wrong?” he continued and then turned his head so that he was looking at me. “Tell me,” he said. “What did I do wrong?”

I was looking at his eyes, feeling more and more hypnotized as seconds passed by. Naka-tingin siya sa akin na para bang alam na alam niya iyong mga salita na gagamitin niya para makumbinsi ako.

An expert manipulator, this one…

At ako naman, willing victim.

Ang magiging motto ko na ba habang nasa buhay ko siya ay ‘I’m just a girl?’

“I don’t know,” I told him instead. “I’d like to turn off my brain for a moment,” I continued tapos ay sinandal ko iyong ulo ko sa may headrest at saka pinikit iyong mga mata.

I didn’t mean to sleep… gusto ko lang talagang ipahinga iyong mga mata ko dahil pagod na pagod na ako sa kaka-isip ng kung ano ang dapat kong gawin. But Lui woke me up just in time bago magsimula iyong afternoon class namin. Hindi ko naubos iyong food na binigay niya sa akin. Iniwan ko na lang sa sasakyan tapos ay dumiretso kami sa classroom.

“Don’t mind them,” I heard him saying nang makita niya ako na naka-tingin sa mga sis ko na magkakatabi sa harap.

“What?”

“We’re doing nothing wrong,” sabi niya sa ’kin.

Hindi na ako nagsalita. Mamaya kapag tinanong ko kung bakit wala kaming ginagawang masama ay bigla niya akong sabihan na wala namang masama na ‘friends’ kami.

Nagfocus na lang ako sa lecture. Nung uwian, dumiretso na ako sa sasakyan ko. I was in no mood to do anything. Masakit na rin iyong ulo ko dahil sa information dump na nangyari ngayon.

I was just on my couch, watching Netflix, but not really dahil hindi ko rin talaga naiintindihan kung ano na iyong nangyayari sa pinapanood ko.

‘What are you up to?’ biglang nagtext si Lui.

‘Netflix.’

‘You want some company?’

‘Nope. Baka nasa study hub ka.’

‘It’s 11. I’m done studying.’

‘Ah okay.’

‘Is that a yes?’

‘Sure.’

11PM na pala. Parang walang nangyari sa buong gabi ko. Pag-uwi ko kanina, nagpalit lang ako ng damit at nagtanggal ng makeup tapos ay nasa couch na ako. Ni hindi pa pala ako kumakain. I needed to eat. Sayang din ’yung food sa ref ko. Nakaka-guilty if masisira lang e bigay pa sa akin ng family ko ’yon.

Napilitan lang akong tumayo mula sa couch ko nung maka-rinig ako ng katok sa pintuan. Nasabi ko naman na kanina sa lobby na may expected guest ako ngayon. Tinatamad na ako. Bahala na sila sa iisipin nila kung bakit may lalaki.

“Hey,” he said when I opened the door for him.

“Hi,” I replied with a small smile.

I walked inside. Naka-sunod lang siya sa akin. I just let him be dahil hindi naman niya first time dito sa condo ko. Nakita ko na may dala siyang food kahit hindi ko naman siya inask na magdala. Bumalik lang ulit ako sa couch ko tapos ay binalot ko iyong sarili ko nung fleece na kumot ko.

Napa-tingin ako kay Lui nung ilagay niya sa may center table sa harap ko iyong takeaway box na may chicken wings. May pizza din. My comfort food, but I really didn’t feel any comfort right now. Hindi ata ako matatahimik hanggang ’di ko nakakausap sila Alisha.

“Scoot over,” Lui said dahil naka-higa ako sa couch.

“Don ka na lang sa dining,” I told him kasi ayokong gumalaw… but he was being a pest dahil pinausod niya pa rin ako at naupo siya doon sa space na ginawa niya para sa sarili niya sa may bandang paanan ko.

Lui grabbed my legs tapos ay pinatong niya iyon sa may binti niya. I was wearing a pair of black silk pajamas na shorts and spaghetti strap na top. His hand was on my leg. He wasn’t caressing my leg or anything. He was just holding me.

“Nagdinner ka na?” he asked.

“Nope.”

“You said it yourself na bawal magkasakit kapag review period,” he said.

“Ngayon lang naman. Saka tinatamad akong kumain.”

“Gusto mo subuan kita?” he asked.

I looked at him and frowned. “Can you stop saying things like that? Dinadagdagan mo stress ko.”

He chuckled, but then he caressed my leg. “Come on… You need to eat,” sabi niya. “Kahit isang slice lang ng pizza.”

“Wala nga ako sa mood.”

“Still, eat.”

“Ayoko.”

“I’m a nurse and this is a medical advice.”

I just gave him a deadpanned look. “Medical advice my ass. Baka expired na ’yang license mo.”

“No, I renew it,” sabi niya sa akin.

“Why?”

He shrugged. “Why not?” sagot niya sa akin. “I worked for it.”

Lui reached for a slice of pizza tapos ay inabot niya sa akin iyon. Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin dahil naka-higa ako tapos ay papa-kainin niya ako ng pizza, e ’di nabulunan ako? He laughed and then pulled me up hanggang sa mapa-upo ako. Inabot niya ulit iyong pizza sa akin. I just quietly ate it. Lui was just watching me.

“Just talk to your friends,” sabi niya sa akin. “Tell them that I’m the devil and that I seduced you.”

I hugged my knees. “Ako kaya ’yung sumunod sa ’yo.”

“True,” sabi niya na confident pa. I glared at him and he just laughed. “But they don’t know that. Seriously, just talk shit about me in front of them. I don’t really care.”

“Are you being serious?”

Tumango siya. “Friends are important,” sabi niya sa akin.

“Yeah, but it’s kinda unfair.”

“Life’s not fair,” he said as he gently tapped my head.

“You don’t even know what I’m talking about.”

He shrugged. “In general, everything is unfair,” sagot niya sa akin. “Just talk to your friends. I’m sure everything will be fine once you all talk shit about me—solidarity and all that.”

Parang tanga talaga ’to…

Lui made me eat two slices of pizza and two pieces of wings for protein daw. Around 1AM, tumayo siya at sinabi niya na uuwi na siya. But he was yawning and his eyes looked so tired. Hindi ko alam kung pagod ba siya dahil sa review o kung may iba siyang pinagkakaabalahan.

“Lui,” I called nung tumayo siya at saka kinuha iyong gamit niya. Napa-tingin siya sa akin. “Do you wanna sleep here?” I asked him.

He was just looking at me like he was trying to figure out what step to take next. But I didn’t want him to overthink this. I was just… lonely. Ni hindi pa naman ako naffriendship over, but the thought of possibly losing my friends was making me so lonely already.

“Okay,” he said as he put down his things again.

We went to the bathroom to brush our teeth then proceeded to my room. I got under my duvet and watched as Lui stripped down to only his boxers. He got under the duvet with me, too.

We were lying side by side. I could see his face clearly. I wanted to trace the contour of his nose, but I stopped myself.

“This is making you anxious, right?” tanong niya sa akin.

I nodded even though he didn’t specify his question. It didn’t matter anyway. At this point, I was anxious about everything.

“Talk to them tomorrow,” he said.

“Paano kapag hindi naging okay?”

Instead of answering, he just pulled me close… Was it his way of telling me that he’d be there for me? I didn’t know for sure, but I let myself fall asleep with the comfort of knowing that he’s there for me.  

**

This story is already at Chapter 16 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

“Have you talked to them?” Lui asked again.

I just gave him a small smile. Hindi ko pa rin nakaka-usap sina Alisha. I really wanted to… but I guess I was just afraid of the other possibility. Na what if mas magalit lang sila sa akin? I didn’t want to deal with that. Especially not now na sobrang dami kong iniisip at para na akong nalulunod sa thought na malapit na iyong BAR exam.

“Let’s go,” narinig kong sabi ng kaibigan ni Lui.

Lui looked at them, and then threw me a look. “No, it’s fine. Una na kayo,” he told them as he stayed behind the classroom with me.

Normally, I’d tell him to go with his friends. Ayos lang naman kasi talaga sa akin na dito na lang kumain. I didn’t want to eat outside with the risk na makita ko iyong sis ko. It was just too… suffocating for some reason.

But I did tell him that before.

And he’d always give me the same response—just smiling at me and then asking me kung ano ang gusto kong kainin for lunch.

“Lui,” I called.

“Yeah?” he replied habang nasa phone niya pa rin siya at tumitingin ng pwede niyang orderin para sa pagkain namin. It had been a few weeks since we started doing this. Papalapit na rin iyong pagtatapos nung pre-bar review namin.

“San ka for the BAR review proper?” I asked.

“Haven’t decided yet,” he replied. “Ikaw?”

“Hindi ko pa rin sigurado,” I told him. “But maybe not Jury. Nandon sila Alisha.”

Napa-hinto si Lui sa paggamit sa phone niya, pero hindi siya tumingin sa akin. “You won’t go there just because of them?” he asked.

Hindi ako nakapagsalita agad.

“It’s the best review center,” sabi niya sa akin.

“Yeah but… I’d argue na nasa tao pa rin naman ’yan,” I told him as I rested my back against the chair. “Kahit gaano naman kagaling iyong review center, kung hindi rin naman ako mag-aaral nang mabuti, useless din.”

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nasa isip ni Lui. Hawak niya pa rin iyong cellphone niya. Hindi siya naka-tingin sa akin. Wala rin siyang ginagawa sa phone niya. It was just like he was in deep thoughts… and what I’d give to know what’s going on in his mind.

“Why are you so scared to talk to them?” he asked, now looking at me. I always lose my breath whenever he’d look at me like that. I had to close my eyes to compose myself.

“Hindi naman ako takot,” sabi niya.

“Then why haven’t you talked to them yet? It’s been weeks.”

I drew a deep breath. “I know.”

“Won’t the rift get bigger? Kapag mas pinatagal mo pa?”

“I know.”

“Then why?” he asked.

Hindi ako maka-sagot.

Because if I did as he ask… if I talk shit about him with my friends, I knew that I should stop seeing him myself. Kasi mas magagalit lang sila sa akin kapag nagsinungaling ako sa kanila.

Kapag naman sinabi ko na wala lang iyong sa amin ni Lui, alam ko na sila Fria naman iyong magagalit sa akin kasi bakit mas pinili ko si Lui kaysa sa mga sis namin.

It’s just… a lot to think about.

And I just wanted not to think about that.

“I don’t know,” I said. “It’s a girl thing.”

“Girl thing?”

“Yup,” sabi ko tapos ay umayos ng upo at saka tumingin sa kanya. “You guys just punch each other tapos ayos na kayo. Iba sa mga babae, okay?”

“What?” he asked na kumunot ang noo. “You seriously think na nagsusuntukan lang kami?”

I shrugged. “I mean not literally, but mas mabilis kayo magkaayos in general,” I told him. “Bakit? May kaaway ka ba sa frat niyo?” I asked him… not just to continue the conversation, but I just wanted to know more about him.

Lui and I—we’d done a lot of things together… but at the same time, I still felt like I really didn’t know him at all. Na tipong kapag mawala siya at may nagtanong sa akin kung paano ko siya idedescribe, I’d be stuck with superficial description of who he is as a person… I only scratched the surface and I knew that there’s more to him than what he’s letting me see.

But he just slightly shook his head.

“No,” sabi niya. “I haven’t talked to them in a while.”

“Why?”

“I want to focus on the BAR.”

“Right…” sabi ko na binigyan siya ng maliit na ngiti. “Same,” I replied but he was just looking at me like there was something he wanted to say, but whatever it was, he decided not to tell me anymore because he just proceeded to order food for us.

Lumabas si Lui para kuhanin iyong pagkain. Nung medyo matagal na at hindi pa siya nakaka-balik, I decided to follow him outside just to check kung okay pa ba siya.

“Yeah… I know…” sabi niya sa kung sinuman iyong kausap niya sa cellphone. “Just tell me whatever he needs and I’ll ask someone to deliver it sa condo niyo,” he continued. “Yeah, no, it’s fine.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I’ll try to swing by, Deanne. I just really have a lot on my plate right now.” He nodded sa kung anuman iyong sinasabi ng kausap niya. “Thanks. Daan ako d’yan kapag nagka-free time ako,” he said. “Appreciate it.”

Nung matapos na iyong tawag, hindi pa rin gumalaw sa kinatatayuan niya si Lui. He just stood there for seconds. He looked like he was taking in deep breaths. Mukhang may problema siya… but I asked him a couple of times already… Ano’ng magagawa ko kung ayaw niya naman sabihin sa akin kung anuman iyong problema niya?

But then turned around and saw me standing there.

He looked at me and smiled like everything’s fine in the world.

“Let’s eat quickly,” he said. “Class starts in 15.”

---

Lui looked surprised nung nakita niya ako sa study hub.

“What?” I asked.

“Hindi ka umattend sa lecture niyo?” he asked.

Kumunot iyong noo ko. “How’d you know?” I asked, confused kasi lecture iyon nung alumnus namin na RTC judge. Naging BAR examiner na rin siya before, but hindi na talaga siya naglelecture dahil sa dami ng workload niya. Naglecture lang talaga siya sa Q since sorority and all that.

“Same method daw si Judge P saka iyong balitang examiner this year,” Lui said. “Hihingi sana ako ng notes sa ’yo.”

“Ah…” sabi ko. “Send ko na lang sa ’yo. Nagpa-send din naman ako.” Lui sat on the opposite side. Ramdam ko iyong tingin niya sa akin. “What?” I asked when I started feeling conscious sa tingin niya sa akin.

“Nothing,” sabi niya sa akin.

But that didn’t look like nothing.

“Forward ko agad sa ’yo ’yung notes,” I said.

“Okay,” he replied.

Buong araw kaming magkasama sa review center. We wouldn’t talk… or we didn’t have the energy to talk dahil papa-lapit na naman iyong last mock bar namin for Political Law. Akala ko nung una ay easy lang iyong Political Law, but then there’s Consti, Admin, Election, at kung anu-ano pang batas. Nakaka-hilo siya basahin sa sobrang dami.

“San tayo kakain?” I asked Lui nung nag-ayos na siya ng gamit. I guess it’s time to eat dinner na rin. Kanina pa kami dito. Ang sakit ng ng mga mata ko sa kaka-basa.

Lui looked surprised. “Oh…” sabi niya tapos ay itinuloy iyong pag-aayos ng gamit. “Anything’s fine.”

“Ramen?”

“Okay,” he said with a smile.

We went to the ramen place. Then Lui drove me home. He stopped in front of my condo instead of going to the basement parking. I unbuckled my seatbelt.

“See you tomorrow,” I told him.

He just nodded at me. “Good night.”

“Good night. Drive safely,” I said tapos ay pumasok na ako sa condo ko.

This day was quiet… but it just felt so strange for some reason.

Pinilit kong maka-tulog, pero hindi ako maka-tulog. A lot of things was plaguing my mind. Hindi pa rin ako nakakapagdesisyon kung saan ako magrereview talaga. Hindi pa rin ata alam ni Lui kung san siya magrereview. Sama na lang ako kung saan man siya magrereview.

And my friends.

I really needed to talk to them.

I needed to talk to them in person because a lot could get lost kung sa message lang kami mag-uusap. Mas mabuti na sa personal para mas maging maayos. I just needed to be really calm kasi pakiramdam ko ako rin naman iyong may kasalanan… kahit na hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ganoon sila kagalit sa akin… It’s like yeah, I did something wrong, but at the same time, it felt like the penalty wasn’t commensurate with the crime committed.

Ewan ko ba.

Maybe I should’ve dated when I was way younger para hindi ganito na litung-lito ako sa mga nangyayari.

---

The next few days, hindi pumasok si Lui sa review center. I texted him kasi baka kung ano ang nangyari sa kanya. Baka kasi may sakit siya. Gusto ko lang naman magdala ng food, if ever. But he replied and told me that he’s just doing something and he probably wouldn’t be able to attend this week’s review.

I was bummed out… Nasanay na ako na lagi kaming magkasama sa review pati sa pagkain. I was so used to him choosing what food I’d eat kaya naman ngayon, kanina pa ako naka-tingin sa app pero wala pa rin akong mapili na kakainin.

I really wanted to skip dinner again, but then I remembered na coffee pa lang ang kinakain ko buong araw. Ayoko naman magka-sakit kaya kailangan ko talagang kumain ng dinner. Nothing in my ref appealed to me, so I decided to go out para maghanap ng makakainan.

“H-hey…” I said nang maka-salubong ko si Alisha. I gave her a smile kahit na kinakabahan ako. She’s my friend. Nakaka-inis na kinakabahan ako sa ganito.

Alisha gave me a small nod.

“Nagdinner ka na?” I asked her. “If hindi pa, let’s have dinner. On me.”

Naka-tingin lang siya sa akin. I started to feel anxious dahil sa paraan ng pagtingin niya. I could hear the beating of my own heart. Wala naman akong kinain buong araw, pero feeling ko masusuka ako.

“I’m sorry,” I told her. Para matapos na.

She arched her brow. “What are you sorry for?”

“Lui,” I replied. “You warned me about him. I didn’t listen.”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Seriously? Tingin mo magagalit ako sa ’yo because of Lui?” she said in such a tone that made me feel cold. “Seriously, Tali, you can shove Lui up your ass.”

Napaawang iyong labi ko. “Alisha—” I paused. I took a deep breath. I didn’t want to fight—especially with her. “Look. I’m sorry. Can we please be okay again? I miss you.”

But her stares were unrelenting.

I didn’t understand why was she this mad at me.

“Wow… You wouldn’t talk to me for months tapos biglang gusto mo, okay na tayo?”

I could feel my hands trembling. “I was busy.”

“I’m busy, too, but you have my number, right?” diretsong sabi niya sa akin. “You could’ve called me way before. Hinintay mo pa talaga na tumagal.”

Tumingin ako sa kanya. “Why are you so mad at me? Ano ba ang ginawa ko?”

Alisha was looking at me and her looks made me feel so, so cold. Like I just betrayed her in the worst way imaginable… Ano ba iyong nagawa ko? Why was she being like this?

“I know you didn’t say that it’s about Lui, but I honestly couldn’t think of anything I did. And if it’s about Lui, fine, tama ka naman, but god, Alisha, it’s my mistake to me. Kung gaguhin man ako ni Lui, ako naman iyong gagaguhin. I don’t understand why you’re being such a bitch to me because of this.”

I couldn’t stop myself anymore. She was just being too much! Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit naiinis din siya sa akin. Sila Fria, naiintindihan ko pa. Pero siya? Ano ba iyong ginawa ko sa kanya? Why was she being like this?

“Fuck off, Tali. You’re full of shit,” she said as she walked past me and bumped against my shoulder.

“What the fuck!” sabi ko sa kanya at saka hinablot iyong kamay niya para tumigil siya sa paglalakad. “Ano ba kasi iyong problema mo sa ’kin?!”

She stopped on her track and looked at my hand that was grabbing her. Automatically, my grip loosened. Ibinalik niya iyong mga mata niya sa akin.

“I don’t give a damn if you sleep with Lui. As you said, that’s your mistake to make—”

“Right—”

“Let me fucking finish,” she said, cutting me off. My lips parted at the hostility of her tone. “But remember all the times you’d talk shit about girls who ditch their friends for guys? Well, look at the fucking mirror, Tali.”

Alisha looked at me.

“God, you make me sound petty,” she said as she drew a deep breath. “You kept on ditching us for Lui. And lying. But fine, whatever. That’s your choice. I just don’t want to deal with your idiotic choices right now, Tali. Mas importante sa akin iyong BAR,” she continued before she turned her back again and this time, walked away for real.

I didn’t know for how long I just stood there, stunned… but I just found myself reaching for my phone and calling Lui. 

**

This story is already at Chapter 18 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Lui didn’t immediately answer the call. I texted him to please call me kapag nabasa niya iyong message ko. A few minutes after that, I saw his name on the screen of my phone.

“What?” he said when I accepted the call.

“Busy ka?” I asked, trying to control my breathing because I was so close to just sobbing in the middle of the street. I didn’t want to cry here. I just wanted to be with Lui. I just wanted him to hug me and to comfort me.

Hindi agad siya nakasagot. “Are you okay?” he asked instead.

“Yeah… no…” I drew a deep breath. “I don’t know.” Then there was silence. I wasn’t saying anything. He wasn’t saying anything. “I just talked to Alisha… and I think I screwed it up even more…”

He was still silent…

And normally, I would take that as an answer…

But I just didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts right now…

“Please?” I pleaded.

“Fine,” he replied with a sigh. “I’ll go to your condo.”

“No, ako na lang pupunta sa ’yo.”

“It’s fine,” he said. “I’ll be there in an hour.”

“Okay…” sabi ko na lang at saka tinapos iyong tawag.

I drew few more deep breaths. I needed to calm down. Si Alisha na rin ang nagsabi na kailangan niyang magfocus sa BAR… Kailangan ko rin naman ’yon… Wala naman siyang sinabi na friendship over na kami. Sinabi niya lang na busy siya. We could discuss this again after the exam.

Bago ako umuwi sa condo, bumili muna ako ng pagkain kasi baka hindi pa nagdidinner si Lui. He told me that he’s busy sa kung anuman ang ginagawa niya. He was so busy na hindi na siya maka-attend sa last few classes ng review namin for the pre-bar.

Nilagay ko na iyong pizza saka chicken sa may dining table. Lui would be here any minute now. I needed to ask him din pala kung saan siya magrereview. Kailangan ko ng mag-enroll for the review proper. Nagtatanong na rin iyong family ko kung saan ako magrereview kasi sila iyong magbabayad doon.

“Hi,” I said nung buksan ko iyong pinto.

Lui still looked the same… and it’s only been a few days, but I already missed seeing his face. Ang hirap pala kapag nasanay ka na masyado na lagi mong kasama iyong tao. Na tipong kahit isang araw lang siyang mawala ay parang may mali sa araw mo.

He gave me a small smile bago siya pumasok sa condo ko. Normally kapag nandito siya, may dala siyang bag kasi dito rin siya magrereview. But tonight, wala siyang dala kung hindi ang sarili niya lang din.

“Nagdinner ka na?” I asked. “Bumili ako ng chicken at saka pizza.”

Tumango siya. “Are you okay?” he asked instead.

Naupo ako. Tumingin ako sa kanya at pilit na ngumiti. “No, not really… but I’ll be fine,” sabi ko sa kanya. “Are you really not hungry? You can have kahit isang slice lang,” dugtong ko.

Wala talaga akong ganang kumain, but I knew I needed to eat dahil kung hindi, sa emergency room na ang diretso ko. And I really didn’t need that on top of everything that’s already happening. Kapag napunta ako sa ER, sigurado ako na either may magsstay na relative ko dito sa condo o papauwiin ako sa bahay namin.

“No, it’s fine,” sabi niya. “What happened? What did you two talk about?”

Naka-tungo lang ako. “Not a lot… but she did say that I’m a shitty friend,” I whispered because probably, I was ashamed… because there was some truth to it.

I didn’t really ditch them… nasa magkaibang review center lang talaga kami. Magkaiba iyong schedule namin. Saka nung mga pagkakataon na inaaya ako ni Alisha na magreview kami, nagkataon lang na may usapan na talaga kami ni Lui na sabay kaming mag-aaral. Doon ba siya nainis? Na sinabi ko dati na hindi ako magppre-bar review pero nag-enroll ako bigla? O dahil nakita niya kami dati na magkasama ni Lui kahit sinabi ko na sobrang busy ko?

Was I really a hypocrite?

God, this sucked.

“Why?” Lui asked.

Tumingin ako sa kanya. “You know why.”

I saw him drawing a deep breath. “I told you… you can talk shit about me if that’ll make your situation better.”

“I don’t wanna do that.”

“Why?” he asked quickly like it should’ve been a no-brainer situation for me. “It’s easy. And it would’ve solved your problem.”

“Do you really want me to do that?”

“Yes,” sagot niya na diretso. “You need your friends, Tali. It’s obvious. You keep on talking about them. You can’t focus on your review.”

“I don’t… I don’t do that.”

“You do,” he said.

“I don’t.”

“You do,” he repeated insistingly. “And I know that because I always sat there and listen to you repeat the same thing over and over again.”

That… felt like a punch in the gut.

Diretso lang iyong pagkakasabi ni Lui. Ni hindi nagbago iyong tono ng boses niya. Naka-tingin lang siya sa akin. His breathing was even like he practiced saying this in his head a million times before.

“You should’ve just apologized for being a shitty friend.”

I felt my jaw clenching. “Why should I? I just hang out with you. Sobrang masama ba ’yon?”

“What do you think?” he asked directly. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin. “You were a shitty friend. I was literally banned from your sorority’s events, Tali.”

Hindi ako nakapagsalita agad. Panay ang hugot ko ng malalim na hininga. “S-so?”

Natawa si Lui. He chuckled like he couldn’t believe what I was saying. He ran his fingers through his hair. “Wow…”

“And you flirted with me—”

“But they’re not my friends, Tali. They’re your friends.”

My jaw clenched. “Fuck you.”

“You already did,” he replied. “And I seriously hope it’s worth possibly losing your friends over, Tali.”

He stood from his seat. He began to walk towards the door. I was just on my seat. I couldn’t move.

“Is that it?” I asked when I felt him just standing still and not opening the door. “You’d ignore me after this?”

“No, I’m just busy.”

“Right.”

“I have a lot of shit going on right now.”

“How would I know? You don’t tell me anything.”

“Why would I? Girlfriend ba kita?”

That… was the sound of my heart dropping and breaking.

It was like my heart was made out of crystal and I could see it crumbling on the floor and shattering into a million pieces.

Na ni hindi man lang ako maka-galaw para pulutin iyon isa-isa.

And Lui wouldn’t even help me pick up the pieces because I just heard him opening the door.

“Look, I’m sorry, okay? I told you—busy ako. I just went here to check up on you,” he said. “Just please talk to your friends. Or your family. Or literally just anyone.”

Huminga ako nang malalim.

I nodded as I felt the tears falling down from my eyes. I couldn’t even talk because any word that would come out of my mouth wouldn’t be said without it being uttered in between sobs.

I didn’t hear the sound of the door closing.

Instead, I saw Lui kneeling in front of me. He cupped my face and wiped my tears with his thumbs.

“Don’t cry,” he said.

Hindi ako nagsalita.

“Of all people, don’t cry because of me,” he continued. “Seriously, Tali, I’m not worth crying over.”

But I just cried.

The tears wouldn’t stop falling.

“Just leave,” I said in between sobs.

“How can I?” he said as he wiped my tears. “Paano ako aalis kung umiiyak ka?”

“E ’di sana hindi mo ako pinaiyak,” sabi ko habang humihikbi.

Lui stayed until I was too tired to even cry. I didn’t ask him to stay, but he stayed until I fell asleep… but when I woke up, he was already gone.

---

I didn’t bother Lui for the next few days. I needed to concentrate on reviewing for the last mock bar, anyway. I was begging myself to focus, but I couldn’t because my mind kept on wandering elsewhere.

When I took the Poli mock bar, hindi na ako nagulat pa nung halos hindi ako maka-sagot sa mga tanong. My fault, anyway. I just focused on Political Law while neglecting Admin and Election Law. Hindi bale—mas aayusin ko na lang sa mismong review proper. I still had a few months to figure my shit out.

‘Busy ka?’ I messaged Lui. It’s already 7PM. He usually answers his mock bar ng umaga para daw masanay siya kasi ganoon iyong schedule sa mismong BAR.

‘Yeah why.’

I drew a deep breath and smiled to myself. It’s fine. May buhay din naman talaga siya. Saka… hindi nga niya naman kasi ako girlfriend.

‘Nothing just wanted to ask you kung san ka magrereview.’

‘LE pa rin.’

‘Oh okay. See you next next week!’

May two weeks pa bago magsimula ulit iyong review. Uuwi muna ako sa amin. I needed fresh air anyway. Tapos… pagninilayan ko rin iyong naging pag-uusap namin ni Alisha. I refuse to lose her dahil lang dito. She’s right. I was a hypocrite. I’d apologize for that.

Going home was a good decision. I missed my family. They all told me na pumayat daw ako kaya naman pinakain lang nila ako palagi. They were all very supportive of me and they kept on telling me to just do my best. Na pasado o bagsak, basta gawin ko lang ang best ko at magiging proud sila sa akin.

I really needed to focus on the review… Hindi na pwede iyong mga ganitong grades…

When I went back to Manila, pumunta muna ako sa bookstore to buy some stationary. Hindi ko naman talaga sila nagagamit pa kasi marami akong stocks… but I find it therapeutic.

Then the following Monday, I went to the review center. I looked around to look for Lui, but he’s not here yet. Then the lecturer came. Wala pa rin siya.

Lunch came, wala pa rin si Lui. I tried calling him, but he wasn’t responding. I checked his social media accounts, but there was no trace of any activities from him.

I was beginning to get worried nung napa-tingin ako sa cellphone ng katabi ko. She was browsing on Instagram and I saw Lui’s story… what the hell?

“Hi,” tawag ko sa katabi ko. “I know it’s weird, pero pwede patingin ng story niya?” I asked, pointing out at Lui’s story. She looked at me weirdly, but handed over her phone at me.

My hands were slightly shaking as I clicked on his story… only to see that he lied to me and he was enrolled in another review center. He was with some of his friends and I could hear his laughter while he was taking videos of them.

Wow.

Alam ko na hindi naman kami… but why did I feel abandoned? 

**

This story is already at Chapter 19 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 13

Chapter 13

I knew that it was his subtle way of telling me to leave him alone.

He told me na sa LE pa rin siya magrereview. He hid all his activies in social media from me. He wouldn’t reply to my calls and texts…

I knew I should leave him alone…

I knew that…

But I couldn’t stop thinking about him… at kung ano ba iyong nagawa ko para gawin niya ’to sa ’kin? Because whenever I’d think about the last interaction we had, he even went to my place and waited until I was pacified. He stayed with me hanggang sa maka-tulog ako. He was still replying to some of my texts.

It was fine…

Alam ko naman na busy siya kagaya ng palagi niyang sinasabi sa akin. But… why did he need to do this? Mas masakit ’yung pagha-hide niya ng stories niya sa ’kin. Alam ko wala naman kaming dalawa… but I would’ve hurt less kung direktang sinabi niya na lang sa akin na tigilan ko na siya. Kaysa ganito na akala ko okay naman lahat.

Para akong naiwan sa ere.

Ah… baka ganito iyong sinasabi niyang detachment.

Tangina—mas masakit pa ata ’to sa breakup. Iyong tipong bigla na lang nawala na hindi mo alam kung may nagawa ka ba o nasabi na hindi niya nagustuhan.

“I’ll be fine,” I kept on telling myself.

There was no Lui when I graduated from law school… and there’d be no Lui when I finish the BAR exam.

I’d be fine.

And that’s what I’d been telling myself for the past few days. Pinilit ko iyong sarili ko na magfocus lang sa pagrereview kasi ano ba naman ang magagawa ko? Wala. Wala akong magagawa.

And that’s probably why it sucked more… Kasi hindi naman ’to breakup na pwede kang makipagnegotiate na magbabago ka… o kaya sabihin mo na cool-off muna.

What were we even?

Bodies to warm each other’s bed?

Situationship?

God, even in my own head, I sounded pathetic.

“You okay?” tanong sa akin ni Cheena nang maabutan niya ako na nasa classroom pa rin. I had no appetite to eat. Nasa classroom lang ako lagi kapag lunch break. Mamaya na lang ako kakain sa condo. I just needed to eat para hindi ako magka-sakit.

“W-what?” nabigla na tanong ko sa kanya. I forced a smile. “Y-yeah, I’m okay. Thanks for asking.”

Tumango siya. “Here,” sabi niya tapos ay may inabot na box sa akin. Inabot ko iyon at nakita ko na box iyon ng vitamins. “Bawal magkasakit ngayon,” she continued and smiled at me.

“Thank you,” I told her because I appreciated this gesture of kindness… because it felt like it’s been a while since someone really cared for me outside of my family…

God, I was so exhausted kahit nag-aaral lang naman ako.

“Shit. I’m sorry,” I told her when I started tearing up for no reason.

Cheena handed me a pack of tissues. Naupo lang siya sa tabi ko. I wasn’t really friends with her dahil hindi naman kami naging magkaklase talaga. I was just familiar with her dahil maliit lang naman ang mundong ginagalawan namin. But I was thankful for her presence. I just needed someone to talk to… kasi parang wala akong makausap.

“You wanna vent?” sabi niya habang nakaupo lang sa tabi ko. “I know we’re not close, but I have ears. I can listen.”

Patuloy ko lang na pinupunasan iyong luha mula sa mga mata ko. I wanted to stop crying. Baka may dumating dito sa classroom tapos makita pa nila ako na umiiyak. Ayokong maging laman ng chismis nila.

“Wala lang ’to…”

“Kung wala lang ’yan, bakit ka umiiyak?” sabi niya sa akin. I couldn’t feel any judgment on her voice. “Si Lui ’yan, noh?” Natigilan ako at saka napatingin sa kanya. “I mean, it was just a guess… Close kayong dalawa tapos biglang nandito ka at nasa Jury naman siya.”

I tried to even my breathing.

“You know, there’s a reason why may pamahiin tayo sa law school na bawal magka-love life o kaya makipagbreak kapag start na ng review for the BAR?” sabi niya sa akin. “Because it throws us off the balance. It’s disruptive. It divides the attention.”

I remained silent. I knew that. I didn’t mean for this thing to reach this far. Sabi ko, go with the flow… hindi ko naman akalain na dadalhin talaga ako ng agos.

But who the fuck was I kidding?

I knew this.

I knew this, and still chose to dive in head first.

“I know this is not my place to meddle with, Tali, but we worked really hard to get to where we are now. Don’t throw it all away because of some guy.”

Was Lui just some guy?

In the future, would I meet someone else and would Lui just be considered as some guy who fucked me over during my BAR review? Possible ba ’yon?

“I’m trying to,” sabi ko sa kanya.

“Try harder,” she said. “Three months ’til BAR exam, Tali.”

“Kung ikaw ako… ano’ng gagawin mo?”

She shrugged. “Go talk to him. Get answers to your questions. Then mag-aral ka na ulit,” sagot niya. “Heartbreak is temporary—title is forever.”

---

Hindi ko alam kung kaya ko pa bang humarap kay Lui. When he decided to basically block me from his social media accounts, that stung like a slap on the face. Tapos magpapakita pa ulit ako sa kanya? Ganoon na ba ako katanga? Ganoon na ba ako ka-desperada para sa kanya?

I tried to focus on just studying… but I couldn’t finish reading a material without shedding tears. Para bang lahat ng reviewer ko ay may bakas ng luha dahil sa kanya.

Sinubukan kong magtext sa kanya para sabihin na gusto kong mag-usap, pero wala siyang nirereplyan kahit isa. Kahit tumawag ako, panay lang ang ring nun hanggang sa matapos.

I tried to wait for him sa condo niya, pero para bang alam niya na naka-abang ako at hindi siya umuuwi… I tried to look for him sa mga lugar na pinupuntahan namin, pero hindi na raw siya nagagawi doon.

It was like he purposely stopped going to the places na alam niya na alam kong pinupuntahan niya.

“Last na ’to,” sabi ko sa sarili ko habang naka-park ako sa labas ng review center na nilipatan niya. Tinignan ko iyong sarili ko sa salamin. Ang payat-payat ko na. Hindi na ako nakakapag-ayos. I felt so bad for myself. Why did I let myself go this far? Why did I allow myself to get entangled in this mess?

Nakakaawa na ako.

Tama si Cheena.

I just needed to get the answers… no matter how hurtful they might be… Tapos… tapos tama na.

I tried to make myself look presentable. I knew that there’s a chance that Lui would strip me off of my dignity… might as well try to look good for that.

Paglabas ko ng sasakyan, nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa mga nakaka-salubong ko. This time, I hated how small the community is. They probably knew about Lui… at iyong katangahan ko sa kanya. They must laughing at me… or felt bad for me.

Either way, ako naman iyong talo.

‘Hi. I’m here outside Jury. Can we please talk?’

Naka-upo lang ako sa may bench sa labas. Wala naman akong balak gumawa ng eskandalo. Ayoko rin na dito siya kausapin, pero ano ang gagawin ko? Nagtatago siya sa akin.

I silently waited for him. I wanted to empty my mind, but I couldn’t… I kept on thinking about him… and me… and wondering if maybe I did something wrong… and what I could’ve done to avoid it… and then laughing at myself at how pathetic I was still.

Or perhaps wondering na kung sa ibang pagkakataon kami nagkakilala, would it have been different?

“Hey,” narinig kong sabi niya. He said that like nothing was wrong; like he hasn’t been avoiding me for nearly a month now.

I looked up to him as he was standing in front of me. I saw how surprised he looked at how I look. I lost a lot of weight without meaning to. Wala akong gana sa kahit na anong bagay. Day by day, I was just trying to get it over with.

Lui sat down beside me.

“You don’t look good, Tali,” he said like he cared. “You should eat more.”

I turned to look at him. “Bakit ka ganyan?” sabi ko habang nararamdaman ko na naman iyong luha na namumuo sa mga mata ko.

“What?” naguguluhan na tanong niya.

“Why do you act like you care? Why can’t you just be an outright asshole?” sabi ko sa kanya habang dire-diretso ang pagtulo ng luha mula sa mga mata ko. “Why do you avoid me? And then go to my condo to check-up on me? Why do you block me from your socials? And then tell me that I should take care of myself more? Why do you confuse me?”

Lui was just looking at me. I kept on waiting for him to say something, but he wouldn’t say a word. He was just looking at me… and it drove me crazy not knowing what goes on in his head.

“What do you want, Tali?” he asked after minutes that felt like eternity in hell.

“I want answers,” I said in between heavy breathing. “Kung bakit mo ’to ginagawa sa ’kin…”

His gaze was locked into mine. “Because you let me,” he simply said.

Patuloy iyong pagtulo ng luha ko; iyong pagsikip ng dibdib ko.

“Tali, I’d been nothing but honest with you—”

“Bullshit,” I said, cutting him off.

Mahina siyang umiling. “I told you—I just wanted fun.”

“Fun? Fun would be fucking me. Why did you have to bring me to La Union? Iyong dinners? Sleepover?”

He was looking at me like he pitied me. “Tali… I do that with other girls, too. You’re not special.”

I could hear my heart breaking.

Again.

And again.

“No…” I whispered as I felt the tears falling faster and faster.

“Is it the first time a guy has ever given you attention, Tali?” he asked.

We were just sitting there. Kung may makakakita siguro sa amin mula sa malayo, iisipin nila na naka-upo lang kaming dalawa… Little did they know, my heart was breaking at this very moment with every word that he said…

“You should’ve listened to your friends, Tali,” he said as he got out a cigarette from his pocket and lightened it up. “And I shouldn’t have messed with you kung alam ko lang na magkaka-ganito ka.”

“Ganito?” I managed to ask in between tears.

He nodded while the cigarette was in his mouth and between his fingers. “Look at you,” he said. “Don’t you feel bad about yourself, Tali? Because I do. I don’t like seeing you like this.”

“Kaya ba lumipat ka dito? Kahit sinabi mo sa ’kin na sa LE ka pa rin?”

He just looked at me. “Because you wouldn’t leave me alone,” he said casually like he didn’t just stomped on my already broken heart. “You’re distracting me. You keep on calling. And texting.”

Napaawang iyong labi ko. “Wow… Kahit ikaw ’yung laging umaaya sa aking magreview?” sabi ko sa kanya. “You talk as if I became like this for no reason. You did this to me, Lui!”

He blew out a smoke. “Did I do anything, really? It’s not like I had to exert any real effort to get you in bed, Tali.”

Tears just kept on flowing like they have no end. “Why are you being like this…”

“What? Because you won’t take the hint. You had to follow me here. Do you think I enjoy saying these things?” sabi niya at saka muling humithit ng sigarilyo niya. “Tali, I just wanted to review and to pass the BAR. I think I mentioned that a couple of times already. Paulit-ulit na lang.”

Pinatay niya iyong hawak niyang sigarilyo.

“Just focus on your review, Tali. And take care of yourself.”

Tumayo siya.

I called his name.

“Just answer this,” I said as he turned and looked at me. “Did you… even like me?”

He was staring into my eyes as he leaned in, held my chin with his hand, and kissed me for a few seconds as I held my breath… but then he broke the kiss and looked me in the eyes and said, “Even this kiss is just nothing to me, Tali. Stop reading into everything I do. I told you from the beginning—don’t take me seriously.”

**

This story is already at Chapter 20 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 14

Chapter 14

I went home to the province.

I needed my mom.

I cried in front of her. I cried loudly. She kept on asking me kung ano iyong nangyari sa akin, pero hindi ko magawang sabihin sa kanya iyong dahilan kung bakit ako umiiyak. Kasi kahit sa sarili ko, hindi ko matanggap na isang lalaki iyong dahilan kung bakit ako nagkaka-ganito.

I really was the biggest hypocrite.

I still remember how I silently judged kapag naririnig ko iyong mga kaibigan ko na may iniiyakan silang lalaki. I was always the first one to tell them that they’d be fine… Lalaki lang ’yan. That the pain will one day subside.

Well look at me now.

Look at who’s crying.

Kasi iba pala kapag nakikita mo lang na nangyayari sa iba. Iba kapag sa ’yo na mismo nangyayari. Iba kapag ikaw na mismo iyong gagawa nung desisyon.

Because I wasn’t dumb.

I always knew the bad calls that I made… but I made them nonetheless. They’re bad decisions, yes… but at that point, they made me feel good.

At one point, I really was happy…

“Italia,” pagtawag sa akin ni Mama.

I looked at her. Halos ’di ko maibukas iyong mga mata ko dahil sa sobrang mugto sila dahil sa pag-iyak na ginawa ko. Uuwi na dapat din ako kahapon. I just needed to go home and have a good cry. I just needed to cry to my mom… Pero hindi nila ako hinayaan na umuwi. They told me to at least stay for the night.

I was glad I did. It had been a while since I had a good sleep…

“Hindi ko alam kung ano ’yung iniiyak mo… pero nanay mo ako. Kahit anong mangyari, kahit ano man ’yang ginawa mo, always remember that I am in your corner. Always.”

I looked at her and smiled. Tumayo ako tapos ay niyakap ko siya. She hugged me, too, and patted my back the way she did nung bata pa ako. It felt comforting.

“Kung tungkol ’to sa BAR, lagi naman naming sinasabi sa ’yo na anuman ang maging resulta, mahal ka pa rin namin.”

I smiled. I had really been down the past few weeks… I kept on thinking on how I messed up the relationships in my life… Iyong mga sis ko… Iyong mga kaibigan ko… And it made me feel so shitty. It just felt so good to be reminded that despite everything, I am still loved.

Kaya kakayanin ko ’to.

---

They must’ve been so worried about me kaya naman pinagdrive ako ni Tito papunta sa condo ko tapos ay nagcommute na lang siya pauwi. Pinadalhan din kasi nila ako ng maraming pagkain ulit. Sinabi ni Mama na every Sunday, pupuntahan nila ako para magdala ng pagkain para bawas na sa iisipin ko. Saka sinabihan ako ni Mama na kahit gaano ako ka-busy, ’wag na ’wag akong magsskip ng pagkain.

When Monday came, naka-salubong ko si Cheena.

“Okay ka na?” she asked me.

“Not totally, but I’ll be fine,” sagot ko sa kanya. She just smiled at me. I handed her the coffee that I got bago ako pumasok. Naka-tingin siya sa akin na parang nagtataka kung bakit binigyan ko siya ng kape. “Just a simple thanks,” I said. “I needed that reminder.”

That he’s just a guy.

That heartbreak is temporary, but title is forever.

And… for urging me to go seek answers for my questions. Ewan ko. Every word he said hurt like hell, but I needed that. Hindi umubra sa akin iyong ghosting—perhaps I needed to be hurt and humiliated like that para talagang masabi ko sa sarili ko na tama na.

Sabay kaming pumasok ni Cheena sa classroom. Doon ako sa pinaka-unahan naupo. I listened to the lecturer and noted down iyong mga bagay na ineemphasis nila sa discussion. After that, dumiretso ako sa office to ask for any mentorship program.

“Wala na pong slot talaga?” I asked.

“Late ka na rin kasi nagtanong,” sabi niya sa akin.

“Oo nga po, e,” sagot ko na lang kaysa mag-explain pa ako na sobrang daming nangyari sa aking emotional turmoil kaya nalimutan kong magsignup for mentorship program. “Thank you,” sabi ko pa rin since fault ko naman na ’di ako umabot.

I stood there, thinking kung ano ang magiging next move ko. Should I ask Brent kung may slot pa sila? Pero kasi hindi naman ako malakas sa admin don… I doubted if i-aadjust nila ’yon para sa ’kin. Normal na estudyante lang naman ako at hindi BAR bet. Hindi rin ako sigurado kung gusto kong humingi ng tulong sa sorority. I mean, I still use the materials they provide and nakaka-usap ko pa rin naman ’yung BAR buddy ko, but I keep it to a minimum.

At least for this period, I just wanted peace para makapagconcentrate ako sa pagrereview… kasi ito lang iyong kontrolado ko ngayon.

“You need a mentor?”

Napa-tingin ako sa nagsalita. Nakaupo siya sa may couch sa waiting area sa may admin room. He was wearing a short-sleeved barong na para bang kakagaling niya lang sa hearing.

“Ay, ayan, si Atty. Serrano sana kaya lang ’di tumatanggap ng mentee ’yan,” sabi nung sa admin.

Natawa iyong lalaki. “Ang dami kasing ginagawa sa trabaho,” sabi niya.

Kumunot iyong noo ko. Sino ba ’to? I mean… mukha naman siyang lawyer. Ewan ko. Meron kasing certain aura iyong mga lawyer for me. Siguro kahit naka-casual attire sila, malalaman at malalaman ko na abogado sila.

“Do you know someone po?” tanong ko and added po dahil baka mas matanda siya sa akin. I mean, lawyer na siya samantalang hamak na law graduate pa lang ako.

“Grabe, bata pa naman ako,” he replied as he stood up and offered his hand to me. “Lance Serrano,” he said.

I accepted his hand. “Italia Hernaez,” I replied.

“Magttake ka ng BAR ngayon?” I nodded. “Pwede naman akong maging mentor, pero first time ko kasi,” he said tapos tumingin siya doon sa staff ng admin. “Kuya, ano ba’ng ginagawa ng mentro?”

“Sumasagot lang sa mga tanong, Atty. Guide lang sa mga mag-e-exam saka minsan nagchcheck ng way ng pagsagot nila kung tama ba o may pwedeng iimprove.”

Tumango iyong si Atty. Lance Serrano. Ibinalik niya iyong tingin niya sa akin. “Kaya ko namang gawin ’yon,” he said.

Kumunot iyong noo ko. “No offense, Atty… pero sino po kayo?” I asked kasi sino ba siya?

Narinig ko iyong pagtawa sa akin nung mga tao sa may admin. Tapos biglang sinabi sa akin na lecturer din dito sa review center si Atty. Serrano. And apparently, siya iyong top 1 nung BAR exam 4 years ago.

Oh, shit.

Nakaka-hiya ako!

“Sorry talaga, Atty,” sabi ko nung nasa labas na kami. Nakaka-hiya talaga ako. Gusto ko na lang lumubog sa kinatatayuan ko.

“No, it’s fine,” he replied. “You have no obligation to know who I am.”

I bit my lower lip. “Ano’ng subject po tinuturo niyo?” I asked kasi lecturer siya dito, pero ngayon ko lang siya nakita. Ngayong review proper lang ba siya maglelecture? Kasi wala siya nung pre-bar, e.

“Merc,” sagot niya.

“Lahat po ’yon?” Tumango siya. “Wow… Ang galing naman.”

Ang struggle ko pa naman sa Commercial Law subjects lalo na sa Corporation Law. Ang haba-haba niya rin kasi tapos may mga special law pa na kasama.

“Pwede naman akong maging mentor mo kung kailangan mo pa rin,” he said.

“Sure po kayo?” I asked kasi sabi kanina hindi siya tumatanggap non kasi busy siya sa work.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” he replied.

“Baka busy po kayo sa work.”

“It’ll be fine kung ikaw lang naman mag-isa,” he said.

Nahihiya talaga ako after nung blunder ko kanina, but I really needed a mentor now. Time’s ticking na rin kasi talaga. I had less than 3 months to review. Parang ang haba pa, pero ang igsi na non. Nape-pressure na talaga ako, but I kept on telling myself to take this review one day at a time.

“Okay po. Thank you. I really appreciate it,” I told him. Nilahad niya iyong kamay niya. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya na naka-kunot ang noo.

“Your phone,” he replied. “I’ll give you my number.” Naka-kunot pa rin iyong noo ko. “How else will you contact me?”

Nanlaki iyong mga mata ko.

Right.

Oh, god, sobra na atang bagal magprocess ng braincells ko because of everything that happened the past few months.

I stood there, embarrassed, habang nilalagay niya iyong number niya sa cellphone ko. He handed me my phone back nung tapos na siya. Tapos ay tumingin siya sa relo niya.

“Thank you po ulit,” muling sabi ko. Baka may lecture class siya ngayon o kung anuman tapos inaabala ko siya.

I thanked like thrice bago ako umalis at saka naglakad papunta sa may sasakyan ko. Dumiretso ako sa pabalik sa condo. Nagsaing ako ng bigas tapos ay nilabas ko iyong dinner ko ngayon para i-microwave. While waiting for my dinner to be done, I took a bath. I watched a few episodes of Schitt’s Creek while eating my dinner. I washed the dishes, did my night routine, then went back to the couch and fell asleep while watching.

That had been my routine for the whole week. It was tiresome, but I was getting the hang of it.

’Hi, Atty! This is Italia—yung sinabihan niyo po na pwede kayong maging mentor. I have a question lang po if pwede ko po i-send sa inyo ‘yung answers ko sa mock bar.’

Medyo nagulat ako nung nagreply agad siya. Baka hindi busy kasi Saturday naman ngayon.

‘Sure, but we can meet for brunch so I can read it now.’

‘Okay po. San po kayo?’ I asked kasi ako na nga iyong humingi ng favor, of course pupuntahan ko siya kung saan man siya naka-tira.

‘Origin café in BGC.’

Shit.

Ang lapit nun sa condo ni Lui… but I shouldn’t think about him. Kailangan kong ma-meet si Atty. Serrano ngayon para sa exam ko.

’Okay, sir. I will be there in 30 minutes po.“

I took a quick half-bath and then fixed myself up. I wore my straight maong pants na lumuwag na sa akin kaya naman nagsuot din ako ng belt. I also wore a white boxy shirt na naka-tuck in and white sneakers. I cut my hair into a long bob kaya naman ’di ko na siya masyadong inayos pa. I applied very light makeup para lang matakpan iyong eyebags ko at saka naglipbalm lang ako and I sprayed my Dior blooming bouquet perfume.

Pagdating ko sa may café, diretso lang akong naglakad papasok sa loob without looking elsewhere. I immediately spotted Atty. Serrano. He was reading something on his phone while also holding a small cup of probably a shot of espresso.

“Good morning po, Sir,” sabi ko nung maka-lapit ako sa kanya.

Napa-tingin siya sa akin. He looked a bit surprised to see me dahil bahagyang napaawang iyong labi niya. Why, though? Siya kaya nagpa-punta sa akin dito.

He cleared his throat before he gestured na maupo ako doon sa may upuan sa harapan niya. I took a seat. Nilagay ko doon sa bakanteng upuan sa tabi ko iyong gamit ko.

“Nagbreakfast ka na?” he asked.

Umiling ako. “Ikaw po, Sir?”

“Wag ka ng magsir. Pakiramdam ko ang tanda ko na,” pabirong sabi niya.

I just smiled. “Mas matanda ka naman talaga sa ’kin, Sir.”

“Fine, fine,” he replied and then handed the menu to me. “Breakfast muna tayo before anything else.”

I didn’t want to discuss this further kaya naman pumili na lang ako ng breakfast. I chose eggs benedict for light breakfast saka iced Americano. Atty. Serrano ordered a traditional Filipino breakfast na garlic fried rice, beef tapa, sunny side up eggs, at isa pang cup ng black coffee.

We ate in silence kasi ano naman ang pag-uusapan namin? After eating, I handed him a printed copy of my answer sa mock bar exams ko. Para akong masusuka sa kaba habang tinitignan ko iyong expression sa mukha niya.

“What’s your goal for this exam?” he asked me.

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Pumasa?”

“That’s it? Pumasa lang?”

“Ang hirap na pumasa pa lang, Sir.”

“Don’t you want to top the BAR?” he asked. Natawa ako. “Why? May nakakatawa ba sa sinabi ko?”

Mabilis akong umiling. “Wala naman, Sir,” sagot ko. “Never ko lang na-imagine na magttop ako sa BAR.”

“Why?”

I shrugged. “Just because,” I said. “I just want to pass then probably work with my family,” I continued. “Obvious naman sa mga sagot ko, Sir, na hindi ako topnotcher material.”

“Your answers are actually good. I mean, they can improve, but I see the potential,” sabi niya habang diretsong naka-tingin sa mga mata ko.

Muling natawa ako. “Seryoso, Sir?”

He nodded, still looking serious. “I see the potential, but of course, if you want to top the BAR, you’ll have to work extremely hard,” he replied. Napaawang iyong labi ko dahil sa sobrang seryoso niya na parang totoo iyong sinasabi niya. “A lot of doors open for people who top the BAR exam, Italia. I mean, if you’ll take the exam either way, why not at least try to give it your best shot, right?”

Hindi ako naka-sagot kasi pakiramdam ko ay niloloko lang niya talaga ako. Never pa ako nagtop kahit sa mga exam namin sa school. Sobrang average student lang ako.

But… he’s right. I was taking the exam, anyways. And it wasn’t as if may iba akong pinagkakaabalahan.

“Okay, Sir,” I said. “But how do you propose that I do that?”

We stayed in the café for few more hours that we ordered iced Americano again. Atty. Serrano made me a study calendar and told me that I needed to follow it religiously. He also told me to print the syllabus and make sure na kabisado ko lahat nung naka-lagay doon. He also said na humingi ako ng kopya ng cases ng BAR chairman and read them full text but to ask my BAR buddy to make me digests for each subjects. I was also required to read all the BAR question for the past 10 years and then answer per year every night para ma-practice ako.

“That’s it for now,” sabi niya sa akin. Para akong nahilo sa dami ng pinapagawa niya sa akin. “If you have any question, just text me.”

Tumango ako. “Thank you, Sir.”

“Practice again kung paano ka magsagot sa questions,” he said. “You know the answers, but you just have to present them better.”

Tumango ulit ako. “Yes, Sir,” I replied.

Dumating iyong waitress at inabot sa amin iyong receipt.

“Ako na, Sir—” I said nung aabutin ko iyon para ako na iyong magbayad.

“I got this,” he said, smiling at me na para bang kanina ay hindi siya sobrang seryoso sa dami ng pinapagawa niya sa ’kin.

“Thank you, Sir…”

“It’s fine,” sabi niya. “Libre mo na lang ako kapag abogado ka na rin.”

I just smiled back at him. I didn’t know what he saw in me para magtiwala siya nang ganito sa akin. But I was just grateful to have someone who believes in me lalo na ngayon.

Sabay kaming naglakad palabas ni Atty. Serrano nung biglang bumilis iyong tibok nung puso ko nang makita ko na makaka-salubong namin si Lui. I could hear the loud beating of my heart na para bang tatalon na palabas ng dibdib ko iyong puso ko. My chest began to tighten at the mere sight of him.

But I kept on walking and didn’t look back—life goes on. 

**

This story is already at Chapter 22 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 15

Chapter 15

I did as I was told—and it wasn’t as if may choice ako kasi lagi din akong chine-check ni Atty. Serrano tungkol sa progress ko. We’d meet once every two weeks. He asked me prior kung ano iyong mga topics na nahihirapan ako. Then he’d give me a one on one lesson tapos ay may pa-exam din siya.

“You don’t always have to use the ALAC method,” sabi niya after niya basahin ’yung isang sagot ko. “For questions like this, you can just directly cite the provision after you answered with a yes or no ,” he explained. “Kapag sigurado ka sa sagot, idiretso mo na kaysa magpaliguy-ligoy ka pa.”

Tumango ako habang nagpapaliwanag pa siya sa mga pwede ko pang iimprove.

“Thank you, Sir,” sabi ko nung natapos kami. Alam ko naman na madami siyang ginagawa sa trabaho niya, but he still made time to help me.

He just gave me a small nod. “Last stretch,” he said. “I know it’s hard, but topnotcher is forever.”

“Ano’ng pakiramdam, Sir?” I asked. Napa-tingin siya sa akin. “Ng top 1?”

“Like I’m on the top of the world,” he replied. “Dadami din iyong mga kaibigan at kamag-anak mo bigla,” pabirong dugtong niya kaya naman natawa ako.

“Baka ikaw lang kasi ’yung kakilala nila na lawyer, Sir,” sagot ko na lang sa kanya. Kapag abogado na ako, I honestly wouldn’t mind iyong mga magtatanong sa akin… of course as long as hindi naman sila demanding. Ang hirap din kayang mag-isip. Saka ang hirap din kaya magbigay ng legal advice lalo na kapag ’di mo naman alam lahat ng facts sa kaso. Mamaya mali pa masabi ko tapos mapahamak pa sila dahil sa ’kin.

Tsk.

Bakit ba iniisip ko na agad ’to e hindi pa nga ako nakaka-pasa sa BAR?

“What’s your plan?” biglang tanong ni Sir. “After the BAR.”

I shrugged. “Wala pa, Sir,” sagot ko sa kanya. Nakita ko na naman iyong bahagyang pagkunot ng noo niya. Sobrang opposite ata kami nitong si Atty. Serrano. Base sa pagkakakilala ko sa kanya, siya iyong tao na bata pa lang siguro e planado na lahat ng gagawin niya sa buhay. Siguro naka-plano na sa kanya maging law student tapos ay magtop sa BAR.

I slightly tilted my head to the side. “BAR bet ka nung time mo, Sir?”

Bahagya na naman siyang natawa. “Seriously, Italia, you talk about ‘my time’ as if I’m decades older than you.”

I just gave him a small smile. Nung merong ‘something’ sa amin ni Lui, for a moment, naging delulu talaga ako. Aaminin ko naman. Kaya dito kay Atty. Serrano, ayokong maging delulu… But he’s so nice to me and he always goes out of his way to help me. Alam ko hindi naman ganito kapag mentor. Kasi iyong mga kakilala ko dati, hindi naman ganito. At most, they’d get one dinner the whole BAR season with their mentor.

Kaya lagi akong gagamit ng po just to remind the both of us na may pader sa pagitan namin.

I just refused to be that girl again.

“But yes, I was the ‘BAR bet,’” he replied with air quotes.

“Nakaka-pressure siguro noh, Sir? Na ang daming nag-e-expect sa ’yo.”

Umiling siya. “On the contrary, it pushes me to do better,” he said tapos ay tumingin siya nang diretso sa mga mata ko. “You’re my BAR bet.”

Bahagyang napaawang iyong labi ko. But then I quickly regained my composure at saka ngumiti lang ako sa kanya. “Nakaka-pressure naman ’yan, Sir, pero I will do my best.”

And I did exactly that.

I studied day in and day out. I would wake up at 7AM and begin studying. Kapag magbbreak ako, I would make sure na 15 minutes lang tapos ay balik na ako sa pag-aaral. I would only take a half-day break tuwing Sunday kapag pupunta iyong family ko para magdala ng pagkain para sa ’kin.

It was so different from what I usually did back when I was still a student. Ngayon lang ako nag-aral nang ganito. Pero laging pinapaalala sa akin ni Atty. Serrano that I just have to endure for a few months…

But it wasn’t as if I was expecting to top the BAR exam. Gusto ko lang talaga pumasa. Because honestly, what were the chances na magtop ako e hindi naman ako honor student nung undergrad pa ako? Still, I wanted to do my best. It was doing me good. Hindi ko na naiisip iyong mga bagay na ayokong isipin.

Then came the much dreaded BAR exam.

Ayoko sana talaga na magcheck-in kasama iyong mga schoolmates ko, but I figured that I should just push through for the whole month. Mas okay kasi talaga kung nasa same hotel ako. Nandito iyong HQ ng both Brent at Q. Mas madali sa akin maka-kuha ng mga notes.

Saka parang naririnig ko sa utak ko iyong boses ni Atty. Serrano na sinasabihan ako na i-prioritize ko iyong BAR ko above anything else.

“Good afternoon po!” bati sa akin ng buddy ko nung pagbuksan ko siya ng pinto. Nag-early check-in ako sa hotel kasi umiiwas lang ako na may maka-sabay ako na sis. Medyo malungkot lang kasi naalala ko nung first year pa lang ako, nung ako pa iyong naka-duty for BAROPS, napag-usapan namin ni Alisha na kami iyong roommates.

After talaga nitong BAR, kakausapin ko ulit siya. Ayoko na magkaka-friendship over kami dahil dito. I refuse.

“Thank you,” I told her nung iabot niya sa akin iyong dinner. Kumunot iyong noo ko nung may isa pang paperbag doon tapos pagsilip ko ay may mga chocolates saka mga nuts. “From Q ’to?” I asked her.

Umiling siya. “No, pinapabigay po ni Atty. Serrano. Pinasama niya sa BAR kit niyo.”

“Ah… Okay, thank you,” I told her tapos ay iniwan niya na ako sa room ko.

Inilagay ko lang iyong mga pagkain saka iyong chocolates sa lamesa. I debated kung itetext ko ba si Atty. Serrano, but I decided against it. Siya na rin nagsabi sa akin na magfocus ako sa exam ko.

‘Food for the brain. Ace the exam, BAR bet!’

Natawa na napa-iling na lang ako nung nabasa ko iyong note niya. Seryoso talaga siya sa BAR bet. Kaya naman nagbabasa lang ako buong stay ko sa hotel room. Tumatayo lang ako sa kinauupuan ko kapag pumupunta sa room ko iyong buddy ko para magdala nung mga materials na request ko.

“Di ata sa ’kin ’to,” I said nung makita ko iyong materials galing sa fraternity ni Lui. Tinanggal ko iyon mula sa may stack ng paper at inabot sa buddy ko. “Baka sa iba ’to. Nahalo lang sa akin.”

Bumalik na ulit ako sa room ko at nagpatuloy sa pagrereview. I woke up at 2AM. Kinakabahan ako na hindi maintindihan. Pagod na pagod na ako, but at the same time, I was really looking forward to finishing this whole BAR ordeal.

Gusto kong magtravel.

Magrelax.

Magmove on.

I haven’t had the time to process everything that happened to me. Gusto ko muna lumayo habang naghihintay ng resulta. Excited na ako doon. Sana payagan ako nila Mama na mawala ng isang buwan. Balak kong magstay sa Japan ng isang buwan. ’Di talaga ako nagsasawa doon.

Agad akong tumayo nung may kumatok sa pintuan ko. Nagthank you lang ako sa buddy ko after ko abutin iyong mga dala niya. Pumasok na ulit ako sa loob. I sat down and took a sip of the coffee that she brought me.

Napa-kunot na naman iyong noo ko nung may makita akong LMT na wala naman sa listahan nung ni-request ko. I set it aside tapos ay nagfocus ako na basahin iyong mga nasa listahan ko. Ang dami kasing materials na available lalo na kapag parte ka ng sorority or fraternity. I can just request for any material and they’ll provide it for me.

Mas lalo tuloy nakaka-guilty na hindi kami on good terms ngayon. Sana maayos na kami after nitong BAR season.

Totoo pala iyong sinabi ni Atty. Serrano na kaya kong basahin lahat nung LMT sa ilang oras lang. On edge na ako sa kaba. Ni hindi ko na makain iyong breakfast na dinala for me.

A few minutes before ako lumabas nung room, I decided na basahin na lang din iyong LMT mula sa Alpha Phi. Sayang naman kasi kung naka-tunganga lang ako. Most of the things here, nabasa ko naman na sa iba. May mga ibang info lang na nadagdag, so I just focused on those.

“Good luck po,” sabi sa akin ng buddy ko.

I smiled at her. “Thank you. Dinner tayo soon kapag tapos nitong BAR,” I said and she nodded and wished me luck one more time.

Dumiretso ako sa coaster na provided ng school. I looked around. Nakita ko na magkakatabi sina Alisha at mga sis namin. I just gave them a small smile and mouthed good luck bago ako naupo doon sa bakanteng pwesto sa unahan ng coaster.

On the whole way to the venue, naka-pikit lang iyong mga mata ko at panay ang paghinga ko nang malalim. Kinakabahan na talaga ako. Sabi sa akin, parang exam lang ’to sa school… which didn’t really comfort me kasi kabado din naman ako lagi sa mga exam namin.

But this was different.

This exam would determine kung magiging abogado na ba ako in a few months—kung madadagdagan ba ng Atty iyong pangalan ko.

“Good luck, everyone. Just do your best and make your family and Brent proud,” sabi sa amin nung BAROPS adviser.

I got inside and just followed all the necessary procedure. Pumunta ako doon sa may assigned room ko. Nanlalamig iyong mga kamay ko sa sobrang kaba. I needed to calm down kasi baka maapektuhan iyong pagsusulat ko tapos ’di maintindihan ng examiner iyong sagot ko.

I looked around. Grabe… Iba talaga iyong toll ng BAR exam. May isang babae akong nakita na grabe iyong pamumugto ng mga mata. Siguro dahil sa stress?

“Kaya ko ’to,” I said to myself as I took my seat.

Tahimik lang sa room. Ramdam na ramdam ko iyong kaba ng lahat ng tao sa paligid ko. Gusto ko na lang din simulan ’to para matapos na.

“Okay,” I said as I received the questionnaire for Poli. “One take, Italia Reign.”

I began the exam with a sign of the cross. Tapos ay nagsimula na akong magsagot. Hindi ko alam kung swerte lang ba talaga ako dahil karamihan sa mga tanong na nandon, na-encounter ko na kahit ’di ko matandaan kung saan dahil sa dami ng binasa ko. I began answering. I reminded myself sa way ng pagsasagot na sinabi sa akin ni Atty. Serrano. He said before that I tend to beat around the bush. Kaya naman dito, diretso lang ako magsagot. I also used the legal terms kapag alam ko kung ano iyon.

I finished with 30 minutes remaining on the clock. Nauna na akong lumabas after ko i-triple check iyong mga sagot ko. Doon agad ako pumunta sa sinabi ni Atty. Serrano na magandang tambayan kasi tahimik. I was minding my own business, eating my sandwich, nang maka-rinig ako ng mga nag-uusap sa likuran ko.

Tatayo na sana ako dahil gusto ko lang ng katahimikan habang nagrereview ako for Merc.

“Yago naman… At least tell me kung may nagawa ba ako na hindi mo nagustuhan…”

Natigilan ako dahil sa tono nung boses nung babae.

“Four years, Yago. Four years na tayo… tapos bigla mo akong iiwan? Ni hindi mo sasabihin sa akin kung ano iyong problema natin? Ni hindi mo man lang ako binigyan ng chance para ayusin kung may nagawa man ako na mali?”

Gusto kong tumayo at umalis, pero hindi ko magawa.

“Can we please just focus on the exam, Rory? Can you do that?”

Napaawang iyong labi ko. Narinig ko na umalis iyong lalaki. Nawalan ako ng gana na kainin iyong sandwich ko kaya nilagay ko na lang iyon sa lunch bag ko. I reached for the pack of tissue. Inabot ko iyon sa may babae.

“Didn’t mean to pry,” sabi ko sa kanya kasi baka akala niya nag-enjoy ako na makinig sa kanila. Oh… siya pala iyong babae na nakita ko kanina na mugto iyong mga mata.

Shit.

I felt bad for her…

Kinuha ko rin iyong unopened bottled water mula sa lunch bag ko at inabot sa kanya. She said thanks in between her sobbing. I sat down. She sat beside me.

“Someone told me this, pero baka maka-tulong din sa ’yo,” I began after minutes passed and she was still crying. “Heartbreak is temporary; title is forever.”

Her hands were shaking. She was shaking. Naka-upo lang ako sa tabi niya, pero ramdam na ramdam ko iyong bigat ng dinadala niya.

“That didn’t help,” narinig kong sabi niya. “I’ll always choose him over any titles.”

I looked at her as she continued to cry. She looked so helpless. Ganyan siguro iyong nakikita ni Lui kapag naka-tingin siya sa akin noon… and at that point, while looking at her while she’s crying, shaking, and having a hard time breathing, I promised to never allow myself to be like her. 

**

This story is already at Chapter 23 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Rinig na rinig ko na iyong tunog mula sa drums ng mga school. Actually, kanina ko pa sila naririnig pero hindi ko na lang sila pinapansin kasi kailangan kong magfocus sa Ethics at Legal Forms. Sabi ni Atty. Serrano, kahit minor subjects lang ’yon, magfocus pa rin ako kasi every point counts… which is true naman kasi kung titignan mo iyong list ng top 10, minsan e isang puntos lang ang difference ng top 1 sa top 10.

“Okay. Final na ’to,” I uttered to myself after kong i-check ulit iyong mga sagot ko. After I passed, kinuha ko na iyong mga gamit ko saka lumabas na ako. Pagka-bukas na pagka-bukas ko pa lang ng pinto ay mas lalo ko lang narinig iyong tunog ng mga drums.

Excited na ako lumabas. Nandyan kasi sila Mama sa labas at naghihintay sa akin… although ’di ko alam kung paano kami magkikita dahil sa sobrang dami ng tao.

“Thank you,” naka-ngiting sagot ko sa lahat ng mga tao na bumati sa akin ng congratulations. I felt warm in my heart… saka achievement na rin ’to. Naaalala ko kasi nung first year ako, bilib na bilib talaga ako sa mga barista. Kasi alam mo ’yon? Paano kaya sila nakarating don? Kasi first year pa lang e pasuko na iyong buong pagkatao ko.

Tapos… nandito na rin ako ngayon.

Saka kung papalarin, abogado na rin ako sa mga susunod na buwan.

“Sis Tali,” napa-tingin ako sa tumawag sa pangalan ko. Nakita ko iyong buddy ko na may hawak na flowers, sash, at saka balloons. Inabot niya sa akin iyon at saka sinuot sa akin iyong sash. “Congrats for finishing the BAR exam po!”

I smiled at her and thanked her. Grabe…. ’di ko rin alam kung paano ko masusurvive iyong buong season na ’to kung hindi dahil sa kanya.

“Nandon po iyong ibang mga sis,” sabi niya sa akin kasi naka-abang siya dito sa may bandang unahan. Ang dami kasi talagang tao. Ang ingay-ingay din. Ang dami ding pulis sa paligid.

Pero wow.

Tapos na ako.

Akalain mo ’yon? Natapos ko iyong BAR exam—hindi ako iyong tinapos non.

Wow.

Ayoko namang maging bastos kaya naman sumama ako sa kanya. I planned to just thank everyone for all the hard work para sa BAROPS namin. Hindi rin kasi biro iyong ginagawa nila—I should know dahil ginawa ko rin naman ’yan nung undergrad ko. Magpapasalamat lang ako tapos aalis na rin sana ako…

“Congrats,” sabi ko nung makita ko na nandito na rin si Alisha.

She was looking at me. “Congrats,” she replied.

They’re probably aware sa naging issue kasi ramdam ko na naka-tingin lang sila sa amin. I was starting to feel awkward kaya naman mabilis kong niyakap si Alisha. Naramdaman ko iyong pagka-bigla niya.

“I miss you,” I said while hugging her. “I’m sorry. I was a bad friend. Bati na tayo, please?”

Akala ko tapos na iyong kaba ko dahil tapos na iyong BAR exam… pero kabado pa rin ako habang naghihintay sa susunod na gagawin ni Alisha.

“Of course. Duh. I missed you, too,” she said as she returned my hug. “Let’s have dinner soon, okay?”

“Yes, yes, please,” agad na sabi ko sa kanya.

Nagstay ako for a while kasama iyong mga sis ko kaya lang ay umalis din ako para hanapin naman iyong pamilya ko. I tried calling them, pero ang hina ng signal. Siguro dahil sa dami ng tao. Ewan ko ba.

I kept on looking around for them nang mapa-tigil iyong mga mata ko nang makita ko iyong frat ni Lui. I didn’t mean to, but my eyes scanned their group to look for him… pero hindi ko siya nakita doon. Baka nasa loob pa siya? Ewan. None of my business.

Dumiretso pa rin ako hanggang sa maka-labas na ako doon sa crowded na area. Ang dami kong naka-salubong na mga couples. I mean, good for them. Ayoko na lang maging bitter.

“What…” nakaawang ang labi na sabi ko nang finally ay matagpuan ko na iyong family ko at magkakasama sila habang may hawak na banner na naka-lagay ay ‘Congratulations on finishing the BAR exam, Italia Reign Hernaez! We are so proud of you!’

I smiled at the sight of them all together para salubungin ako dito. Tapos biglang naiyak na lang ako kasi naalala ko lahat nung pagod at hirap na dinanas ko nitong mga nakaraang buwan. Ilang beses na akong na-tempt maggiveup kasi sobrang hirap saka sobrang dami kong inaaral. Madalas, binibisita ako ng doubt kasi paano ko matatandaan lahat ng binasa ko?

But every time fear and anxiety would creep in my system, I’d remind myself of my family who believes in me… And if I’d just believe in myself kahit kalahati lang sa paniniwala nila sa ’kin, then I’d be fine.

---

I slept the whole day. I couldn’t even be bothered to wake up para kumain. Ganoon ata ako kapagod sa dami ng nangyari sa akin na kahit nung mga sumunod na araw, talagang kain-tulog lang iyong ginawa ko.

I stayed with my family for a week bago ako bumalik sa condo ko. May usapan kasi kami ni Alisha na magkikita kami. I would never ditch her again unless life or death situation.

“Bagay sa ’yo ’yang hair mo,” she said nung makita niya ako. Pinaigsian ko kasi ulit iyong buhok ko hanggang tuluyan na siyang maging bob cut. Nung una kasi akong nagpagupit, long bob pa kasi hindi ako sigurado kung bagay sa akin. Then I thought I looked cute kaya pinaigsian ko pa lalo.

“Thank you,” I replied with a smile. “Let’s order na. I’m famished.”

Alisha and I talked for a while. I really missed her. Ang tagal din naming friends—blockmate kami nung first year pa lang. Hindi na kami classmates nung second year, but we’re still close since sumali kami sa iisang sorority. She’s literally been there through it all. Buti okay na kami kasi if hindi, isa ’to sa mga magiging greatest regret ko.

“Magwowork ka na?” she asked me.

Umiling ako. “Nope. Will be in Japan for a month.”

“What? Japan again?”

“Yes. Ang ganda-ganda kaya doon saka ang sarap ng food,” I told her. “Ikaw ba? Will you work na agad?”

She shrugged. “Thinking pa… but leaning more on hindi pa. Sobra akong na-drain sa lahat ng ginawa natin. I just want to take a breather.”

I nodded. “Agreed.”

We talked about the places she could possibly visit ngayong pahinga niya. We didn’t really discuss Lui and what happened before. It’s fine with me. As far as I was concerned, that was a thing of the past. Kung criminal case siguro ’to, I’d plead temporary insanity… but I digress. I did all those things voluntarily naman.

I just didn’t want to talk badly about Lui kahit na sinabi niya before sa akin na okay lang naman for him. Ayoko naman magsound vindictive. Basta lesson learned na lang talaga siya.

“Enjoy your trip,” she told me nung natapos na iyong much needed catch-up sesh namin.

“Will do!” sabi ko sa kanya. “Let’s meet pagbalik ko for your pasalubong,” I added before I hugged her and said goodbye again.

---

The next day, I was just busy cleaning the entire condo. I got a huge box tapos ay nilagay ko doon lahat ng printed materials ko. Ayoko na silang makita. Saka sabi sa akin, i-dispose ko na raw iyong review materials ko para manifestation na ’di ko na ulit siya kakailanganin kasi papasa na ako ngayon.

I got everything sorted out. Natira lang iyong mga hardbound law books ko na nasa shelf. Wala naman akong balak na i-dispose sila kahit karamihan sa kanila outdated na. It’s just a nice memento from my time in law school.

Grabe! Done na talaga ako sa law school! Who would’ve thought!

Nung sumunod na araw naman, I treated myself on a pamper day. I got hair treatment, laser appointments, new cute nails, tapos ay whole body massage. That took my whole day. Ang hirap talaga maging babae.

Then the next day, I had dinner plans with Atty. Serrano. We met at a steakhouse in BGC. I wore a tan colored high waist trouser, black corset, saka pinatong ko sa balikat ko ’yung coat ko. May suot din akong gold accessories and red stilettos. God, I missed dressing up and feeling pretty.

“Hi, Sir,” bati ko nung makita ko siya. I ignored his surprised look nung nakita niya ako. I knew I probably overdressed, but it’s not for him naman. Lagi naman akong naka-ayos. Naligaw lang ako nung landas for a while, but I was totally back!

“Your hair’s shorter,” he said.

Napa-hawak ako sa buhok ko. “Yes, Sir. Nakaka-tamad magsuklay,” sagot ko na lang.

We exchanged in a few pleasantries. Atty. Serrano ordered for the both of us. Pinabayaan ko na lang siya. Free kaya si Alisha mamaya? Sayang naman iyong outfit ko.

“What’s your plan?” he asked.

“Japan,” I quickly replied. Hindi pa ako nakaka-book ng ticket kasi nagdedecide pa ako kung ano ang magiging game plan ko. Definitely kasama iyong Osaka but I was still deciding kung pupunta rin ako sa Hokkaido. Gusto ko rin sanang magski resort. Ang dami kong gustong puntahan. Meron din bang temple doon na pwedeng magpa-basbas? Parang need ko ’yon.

“Oh…”

“Bakit, Sir?”

“I actually wanted to offer you an underbar position in our firm,” sabi niya kaya napaawang iyong labi ko sa gulat sa sinabi niya.

“Seryoso, Sir?” He nodded. “Hindi po ba for topnotchers and top ng graduate class lang don?” I asked.

“Usually,” he said. “But I put in a good word for you.”

Hala. Seryoso ba? Kasi never ko na-imagine iyong sarili ko na nandon sa firm na ’yon. Alam ko kasi dati pa na ’di ako makaka-pasok doon, so bakit ko pa siya iisipin?

“Gaano ka ba katagal sa Japan?”

“One month, Sir.”

Pero sayang ’yon… pero gusto ko ring magpahinga… pero plan talaga na magwowork ako kasama mga Tito ko? Pero sayang ’yung chance?

Ang daming pero.

“Oh. Sayang naman.”

“Di po ba pwede pagbalik ko?” nagbabaka sakaling tanong ko.

“I don’t think so,” he replied. “That’s a highly coveted spot. For sure meron na ’yon once na sabihin ko sa kanila na nagdecline ka.”

Natahimik ako.

“Once you pass this BAR, you’ll be a junior associate of the firm,” he continued na para bang hindi pa enticing enough na maging underbar associate ako.

Shit, ano ba ’yan? Parang naubos talaga iyong kaluluwa ko sa lahat nung nangyari sa akin nung BAR season… pero baka pagsisihan ko sa death bed ko ’to kapag pinalagpas ko lang iyong opportunity. Kasi sino ba naman ako para maka-pasok sa firm na ’yon?!

“Okay, Sir,” I said, nodding. “When do I start working po?”

**

This story is already at Chapter 24 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Akala ko talaga mahihirapan akong ipaliwanag sa family ko iyong tungkol sa pagtanggap ko sa offer na magwork sa big firm… but why did I even doubt them? Of course, they were happy for me—proud, even. Sikat kasi talaga ’yung firm na ’yon.

“Congratulations, Tali,” sabi ni Tito sa akin.

“Thanks, ’To,” sagot ko sa kanya. “Libre ko kayong lahat ng dinner sa first salary ko.”

“Aabangan namin ’yan,” sabi niya sa ’kin.

“Wala ka bang tips d’yan, Tito?” I asked kasi galing din si Tito sa mga big firm bago siya nagdecide na umuwi sa province to start his own private practice. Hindi naman super laki nung firm ni Tito, but they have a roster of clients. Parami na nga nang parami kaya expected na rin talaga nila na sasama ako sa kanila after. Buti na lang talaga ay naintindihan nila ako.

“Paper works after paper works after paper works,” sabi ni Tito. “Tapos paper works ulit.”

Natawa ako. “Ganon ka-grabe, Tito?”

Tumango siya. “Lawyering is 80% paper works and 20% court appearance,” sabi niya sa ’kin. “Marami kang matututunan don, pero sana mag-enjoy ka rin.”

“Sana nga po.”

“Pero ’di ’yon gaya sa mga pinapanood mo, alam mo naman ’yon. Boring maging abogado lalo na kung hindi naman criminal case ang hawak mo,” sabi niya sa ’kin. “Saan mo ba balak magfocus?”

“Di ko pa po sure,” sabi ko sa kanya. “Pero well-rounded naman daw po kapag first year pa lang. Baka doon ko matagpuan ang calling ko.”

Ang daming bilin sa akin ni Tito. Very appreciated ko ’yon. Alam ko naman na looking-out lang siya sa magandang pamangkin niya. Kinakabahan naman talaga ako, but I chose to focus na lang sa pagpili ng mga work outfit ko. Alam ko naman na maiistress ako sa trabaho, but might as well look pretty while at it.

Hindi pa ako sumu-sweldo, pero na-advance ko na iyong unang salary ko. Pang fastfood na lang ata ang budget ko sa family dinner namin. Ang dami kong nabiling outfit. Okay lang ’yan. Basta masaya ako.

Sobrang kabado na hindi ako mapakali nung dumating ako sa orientation para sa trabaho. I introduced myself to them. They were nice naman, pero kami iyong mga magiging magka-trabaho. Sana maging close kami.

“How’s the first day, Ms. Big Firm?” tanong sa akin ni Alisha.

“Gusto ko na agad magresign,” sabi ko sa kanya. Natawa siya. Palibasa siya ay nasa Bali. I was so jealous, pero buti na lang at wala akong social media kaya at least ’di ko nakikita iyong mga posts niya.

“I told you so.”

“I know,” I said tapos ay nahiga ako sa sahig kasi wala pa akong energy na magpalit ng damit.

Akala ko first day ay magpapa-cute muna kami… Gosh, I was so wrong! Natambakan agad ako ng gagawin. I was so confused. Nahiya akong mag-ask ng question. Iyong mga kasama ko, mga robot ata sila. Paano nila nagawa ’yon? As far as I was concerned, mga top students sila pero may work experience na rin sila kasi nagwork pala sila while working. I mean… paano?

Ni hindi ko namalayan kung anong araw na dahil sa dami ng ginagawa ko. Masyado ata akong na-excite sa starting salary na nalimutan ko na with good salary comes slavery.

“San na ’yung sa draft ng San Luis?” tanong sa akin.

I immediately looked for it in the mountain of papers on my desk. Nang makita ko ’yon ay agad kong inabot kay Pam, iyong isa sa mga paralegal dito.

“Thanks, Tali,” sabi niya. “Saka pala sabi ni Atty. Arnaez, pa-prio daw ’yung sa appeal don sa CIAC na pinagawa niya sa ’yo kahapon.”

Oh, my god, can somebody just shoot me?!

Pakiramdam ko ay mababaliw na ako sa dami ng ginagawa ko. Nung matapos ko iyong sa pinapagawa ni Atty. Arnaez, agad akong umalis sa cubicle ko. Dumiretso ako sa rooftop nung building. Nagulat ako nung nakita ko si Atty. Serrano na nandon.

“What?” sabi niya nang makita niya iyong reaction ko.

Umiling ako. “Nothing, Sir. ’Di ko lang expected na nagssmoke ka.”

He blew a puff. “Comes with the territory,” he replied. “Do you smoke?” he asked.

“No, not really…” sabi ko tapos ay nilahad iyong palad ko. “But I will start smoking now.”

Natawa siya sa akin. At saka tinawanan na naman niya ako nung maubo-ubo ako dahil hindi naman ako sanay talaga na manigarilyo. Iba pala kapag nakiki-langhap ka lang ng secondhand smoke compared sa kapag ikaw na iyong source ng secondhand smoke. It took me quite a while before I got the hang of it.

“Is it really worth it, Sir?” I asked him. “I mean, the money is good, but I think mamamatay ako dito.”

Natawa lang ulit si Atty. Serrano sa akin. “Ganyan talaga kapag first year associate.”

“Mas madali ba later on?”

“Not really,” sabi niya. I frowned. “It doesn’t get easier—but you will get better at it.”

I just nodded as I blew few more puffs of smoke. Saang parte dito iyong nakaka-relax? Parang hindi naman.

Atty. Serrano and I stayed there for a few more minutes before he told me na kailangan na naming bumalik sa trabaho. Boo. Workaholic.

---

The next few months, I was just drowning in work. Nung una ay naiinis pa ako na 1AM na ako umuuwi sa condo… hanggang sa nasanay na ako na ganong oras ako umuuwi. Uwi ba ng tao ’yon? Dapat bang i-add ko na iyong last name ko sa pangalan nung firm? Tiga-pagmana ba ako?

“Where ka tomorrow?” Alisha asked.

“Ha?” I asked, confused.

“Tomorrow na ’yung release nung results.”

Napa-tigil ako sa ginagawa ko. Shit. She’s right. Nabanggit na nga rin sa ’kin ’yon, but nawala sa isip ko sa dami ng ginagawa ko… I’d been doing this for months. I thought it would get easier kagaya nung sinabi ni Atty. Serrano. Maybe I was the problem. Sobrang daming ginagawa kaya natatambakan ako. Hindi ko alam if mabagal lang ba ako or what. Ang dami ko kasing beses na basahin ulit kasi ayoko na siyang ulitin. Kaya kapag nagpass ako ng pleadings for approval, usually wala ng changes needed.

“Do you want na sabay tayo or busy ka sa work?” Alisha asked.

I looked at the mountain of paperwork on my desk. “I’m not sure…” I told her. “If matapos ko ’yung deliverables ko for tomorrow, I’ll message you.”

I didn’t know if it was a good thing or not na sobrang busy ko na ’di ko na naisip iyong sa BAR results. Hindi rin ako kinakabahan… a small part of me was telling me kung hindi man ako papasa, I’d have a reason to leave this firm kasi feel ko talaga mababaliw na ako. I mean, yes, sure the money’s nice and marami talaga akong natututunan but I couldn’t breathe sa dami ng ginagawa.

But Atty. Serrano recommended me to this job that I didn’t even qualify for in the first place… kaya siguro sobrang nag-e-effort din talaga ako against my will. Buti sana if ako lang mapapa-hiya, e… Madadamay din kasi siya.

“Bakit nandito ka?” tanong sa akin ni Pam nung pumasok ako sa work kinabukasan.

“Bawal ba?” I asked, confused, sa tanong sa akin.

“Hindi naman… pero naka-leave ngayon lahat ng underbar,” sabi niya sa akin. Still, I didn’t understand kung ano iyong gusto niyang sabihin sa akin. Nagmamadali pa naman akong pumasok kanina dahil may pinapaayos sa akin for CIAC arbitration.

“Dito ka maghihintay ng results?” Pam asked.

Para akong early 2000s computer na naghihintay ng processing. I thought about it, and looked around me. Oh, shucks, oo nga! Dito ako maghihintay ng results? What if bumagsak ako? Gosh, ’di ko ata kaya na nandito ako, surrounded by everyone!

Natawa si Pam nang makita niya iyong reaksyon sa mukha ko.

“Dapat ba… umabsent na lang din ako?”

She shrugged. “Depende sa ’yo…” she replied pero parang hindi naman depende sa akin!

I cannot, in good conscience, just leave my workload behind kaya naman dala-dala ko pa rin sila pabalik sa sasakyan ko. I sent a quick e-mail sa HR na hindi ako makakapasok today. Feel ko naman ay papayagan nila ako.

I wanted to call Alisha, but decided against it. Ayoko pala ng may kasama today. Nagsisimula ko ng ma-feel iyong nerves. I decided din na patayin muna iyong cellphone ko dahil kada magnonotify ay parang tatalon mula sa dibdib ko iyong puso ko.

“Where should I go…” I uttered while drumming my fingers against the steering wheel of my car.

I didn’t want to go too far dahil may pasok naman ulit ako tomorrow. Ayoko rin na around here lang kasi higher chances na may maka-salubong ako na kakilala ko. Ayoko rin na umuwi kasi lalo akong mase-stress. Supportive iyong family ko, I know, pero syempre what if bumagsak ako? Malulungkot sila. Ayoko makita ’yon ngayon, if ever.

Tsk.

Magddraft na ba ako ng resignation? Kasi what if bumagsak ako? Nakaka-hiya talaga. Ano ba ’tong pinasok ko?

Ang tagal-tagal kong nagdecide kung saan ako pupunta… until I just found myself inside a church. It was the middle of the day. Merong ibang mga tao na palagay ko ay kagaya ko rin na naghihintay ng resulta ng BAR exam. May mga naka-upo lang; may mga naka-luhod. Pero lahat kami ay ramdam ko na kinakabahan.

‘Lord, I did my best naman po talaga. Kayo na ang bahala,’ I included while I uttered my prayer.

After praying sa Binondo church, nagdecide ako na mag-ikot-ikot muna dito. Hindi na ako makapagtrabaho dahil sa sobrang kaba ko. Kailangan ko na lang aliwin iyong sarili ko talaga. Super dami kong nakain. Dito ko na ata dinaan lahat ng stress ko.

“Okay,” I said to myself nung maka-balik na ako sa sasakyan ko. Panay iyong paghinga ko nang malalim. My hands were even trembling dahil sa sobrang kaba. Sigurado ako naka-labas na iyong resulta ngayon.

“Kapag bumagsak, e ’di mag-exam ulit,” I told myself as I was waiting for my phone to turn on. Hawak-hawak ko lang iyong kamay ko habang pinapanood ko iyong paglitaw nung apple logo.

‘CONGRATS TALI OMG KA!!!!!’

‘CONGRATS LEGEND’

‘Anak congrats proud na proud kami sa yo magpapa-lechon tayo at inom sa buong barangay!!!!’

Nanlaki iyong mga mata ko habang binabasa ko iyong sunud-sunod na pagdating nung notif sa phone ko. The notification just kept on coming. Bigla ding dumating iyong tawag ni Mama.

“Pasado po ako?” I asked kasi baka joketime lang silang lahat.

“Hindi lang pasado, anak!”

“Super pasado?” I asked, confused. Gusto ko lang naman malaman na pumasa ako. “Ma? Pasado ba? Ma? Hello? Please paki-confirm—”

“Top 1 ka, anak! Hindi ka ba nanood nung announcement?” tuluy-tuloy na sabi ni Mama na parang nagblackout ako at wala na akong naintindihan.

I checked on the message.

What the heck?

Huh?

Pinagttripan ba ako ng mga ’to?

I checked sa maps at malapit lang iyong Supreme Court dito. Pumunta ako doon. Ang daming tao sa paligid. Ang daming nag-iiyakan. May mga dalang bulaklak pa iyong ibang tao.

“Excuse me po,” I said as I tried to get in the middle of the crowd. Gusto ko lang makita iyong screen kasi feel ko talaga pina-prank ako ng mga tao sa paligid ko.

But then it was like the whole world stopped.

HERNAEZ, Italia Reign

1st place

Brent University

91.98%

What… the fuck?

Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal na naka-tulala doon at kung paano nalaman nung mga reporter na ako iyong Italia Reign… I mean that’s me, right? Ako lang naman iyong Italia Reign Hernaez na tiga-Brent. Wala namang ibang ganong nagtake from Brent, right?

I was so confused!

“Ano’ng pakiramdam mo na ikaw ang pinaka-unang topnotcher mula sa Brent?” tanong sa akin.

My heart was still beating quickly in my chest.

Shit.

“Humbled. Proud. Confused. I’m still processing everything,” I said, unable to process my thoughts dahil totoo ata talaga ’to at hindi ako pinagttripan.

A lot of question was thrown my way. Hindi ko sila masagot lahat dahil sabay-sabay silang magsalita. I kept on looking around kung may kakilala ba ako na pwedeng sumaklolo sa akin. I was starting to feel suffocated dahil sa lahat ng mic, camera, at ilaw na nasa mukha ko.

But then I saw a face that I hadn’t seen in a while.

“Meron ka ba’ng gustong mensaheng sabihin?” the reporter asked me.

My eyes were on him. He was staring at me. Did he want to congratulate me as well? Did he pass? He must pass. After all, the pain I felt must’ve been worth it.

“Thank you,” I said while my eyes were still on him. Then I drew a deep breath and faced the cameras. “To my family, my friends, my sorority, my school. Thank you.”

When the interviews ended, I looked around for him, but he’s nowhere to be seen. Instead, tumayo ako sa harap ng screen at pinanood iyong pagdaan ng mga pangalan ng successful BAR examinees.

Valladares, Luisito Ruiz

I stared at his name until it disappeared from the screen. He passed. At least, I didn’t get hurt for nothing. 

**

This story is already at Chapter 25 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 18

Chapter 18

“You lied,” sabi ko nang makita ko si Atty. Serrano na naglalakad palapit sa akin. Nasa rooftop ako. I had been hiding here. I just needed to breathe for a while. Parang lahat ng tao, may kailangan sa akin. Hindi ako makapagpahinga. I had a lot of events that I apparently needed to attend—to meet people that I’d never even heard of before.

“About?”

“The feeling,” I said as I blew off a smoke. “I don’t feel like I’m on the top of the world.”

If anything, I was exhausted. It had been a week since I had topped the BAR exam. I was given a week off of work to celebrate daw. Parang hindi naman ganon iyong nangyari. I had to go home and celebrate with my family. Nagpa-party sila. I didn’t know how they managed to throw a party that quickly. Tapos may thanksgiving din ’yung sorority ko. Then testimonial dinner with Brent.

“Nakaka-pagod.”

He got a cigarette from his pocket. Nilagay niya ’yon sa pagitan ng mga ngipin niya. Tinakpan nung kamay niya iyon mula sa hangin habang sinisindihan.

“I feel like I’m being pulled from all direction. Parang lahat sila gusto akong makausap. Agad-agad. Hindi ako makapagpahinga.”

I felt ungrateful… but at the same time, I kept on thinking on how I should’ve taken a break when I had the chance. Baka kasi iyon ang kailangan ko. O baka doon lang ako nasanay. Kasi nung nag-aaral pa ako, I made sure na may bakasyon ako kapag naka-break from school. Hindi ko kasi talaga kaya iyong walang pahinga.

Pakiramdam ko, malapit na malapit na ako sa breaking point ko.

But what could I do? I signed a contract. Ni hindi ko pa nga tapos iyong one year contract ko dito.

“You’ll be fine,” was all that he said.

I just nodded. Maybe he’s right—after all, he’s been in this exact position. I should listen to him.

“Thank you po,” sabi ko after akong kausapin nung senior partners ng firm. I was already expecting this, but still, nakaka-bigla pa rin. I was already so used to being… just there. Hindi ako sanay na nasa akin ang mata ng lahat ng tao.

“We’re looking forward to continue working with you, Atty. Hernaez.”

Agad akong lumabas at saka dumiretso sa opisina ko. Ni hindi pa ako nakaka-sagot sa offer nila, pero binigyan na agad nila ako ng private office ko. I was also told to inform them had I make a decision kung anong track ang gusto kong pagtuunan ng pansin.

Ang sakit ng ulo ko.

Did I really have to make all these decision right now?

---

For the next few weeks, wala silang nakuhang sagot sa akin. Hindi ko rin naman kasi talaga alam kung ano pa rin ang gusto kong gawin. I was good with doing the paper works… but for some reason, that felt… like nothing.

But it wasn’t as if I was wearing rose-colored glasses. Alam ko naman simula’t-sapul na boring talaga maging abogado. It’s basically all about doing paper works with some court appearance. Ewan ko ba. I was starting to feel bored. Na parang… ito na ’yon?

Pero hindi ko magawang magreklamo.

I never voiced out my discontentment because I didn’t want to sound ungrateful. I knew that I was given opportunities na hindi naman lahat ng tao ay makaka-kuha.

I was given substantial money by my school and by my sorority for topping the BAR exam. Tapos kapag pumirma na ako ng panibagong contract sa firm, I would be given a car, condo, and signing bonus. I knew I was lucky. Ewan ko ba. Pagod lang siguro talaga ako dahil sa dami ng ginagawa ko.

“You still haven’t decided?” tanong ni Atty. Serrano sa akin nang makita niya ulit ako sa rooftop na naninigarilyo.

“Sa?” I asked.

“On where you’d focus,” he replied. “They’ve been asking.”

I shrugged. “Interesting lahat, e,” I replied… but I probably couldn’t hide the sarcasm in my tone well dahil bahagya siyang natawa sa akin. Natawa rin ako kaya medyo nabulunan ako sa usok.

“Maybe criminal,” I said.

“Really?” sabi niya na bahagyang naka-kunot ang noo.

“Why not?” sabi ko. “Of all the branches of law, pinaka-interesting naman talaga ’yon.”

“Generalization,” he replied. “I don’t find criminal law all that interesting.”

“Why not?”

He shrugged. “I just don’t like it,” sabi niya. “I don’t like dealing with criminals.”

Natawa ako. “I thought innocent until proven guilty?”

“Sure, but my answer remains the same,” sabi niya. “It’s dangerous. Will eat a lot of my time. Ang daming discovery. I have to deal with witnesses. Ang bagal din ng usad ng kaso. More cons than pros.”

I remained silent. Still. Mas interesting pa ring gawin ’yon kaysa sa ginagawa ko ngayon. Puro na lang ako paper work. Kahit naka-pikit ata ako e kaya kong gawin ’yon.

“Aren’t you interested in Corpo?” he asked. Natawa ako. “What? Nakaka-tawa ba ’yung Corpo?”

Mabilis akong umiling and even waved my hand. “No, no,” agad na sabi ko. His brow was slightly arched at me. “Fine,” sabi ko. “Pero kasi ’di ba… sabi nila, hindi totoong lawyer ’yung mga Corporate Lawyer,” I continued. “But I didn’t say that, Sir, ha. Sabi nila ’yan. Hindi sa ’kin galing ’yan.”

Natawa siya. “Yeah, heard about that.”

“Boring daw kasi ’yung Corporate Law.”

“Is it?” sabi niya. “Is it still boring if you can earn as much as fifty thousand for sitting in one meeting?” dugtong niya. “If you decide to pursue Corporate Law, you can become a Corporate Secretary. Corporations will pay you money just to attend meetings. And you can be a secretary for multiple corporations,” he added. “So… I don’t really care if it’s boring.”

Maybe he’s right… Marami naman talagang pera sa Corporation Law. Iba-iba rin naman ang dahilan ng mga tao kung bakit sila naging abogado. May iba na gusto talagang maging instrument ng justice. Meron mga kagaya ko na dahil lang hindi talaga alam ang gagawin sa buhay… Meron din naman na mga kagaya ni Atty. Serrano na interested ata sa pera. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with it, I guess. Different reason for everybody. Magkaka-iba naman kami.

“Think about it,” sabi niya sa akin nang maubos na iyong stick ng sigarilyo. “And tell me what you decided—I saved a place for you in my department.”

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. “Gusto mo ulit maging mentor ko, Sir?” I asked, joking, because this was starting to feel like déjà vu.

“Work-wise? Yes.” Napa-kunot ang noo ko. “Non-work wise, I’d rather we discuss it over dinner.” Napaawang iyong labi ko. “We better get back to working, Atty. Hernaez,” he added before leaving me in daze.

Did he… just ask me out?

---

“Alisha… I think inaya ako makipagdate ni Atty. Serrano,” sabi ko kay Alisha nung magkita kami. We try our best to meet on Friday nights to de-stress sa trabaho. I look forward to it kasi ito na ata ang pinaka-socialization ko.

She laughed. She didn’t even look surprised a bit.

“Ano’ng sabi mo sa kanya?”

“Wala,” sagot ko. “I mean, hindi pa naman niya ako tinatanong. But he said we should meet for dinner. Feel ko doon niya na ako tatanungin.”

Alisha nodded. “So, what’s the problem? Ayaw mo ba sa kanya?”

I shrugged. “Not really,” sagot ko. “I mean, he’s handsome, tall, smart, and nice. He looks perfect on paper.”

“And he’s also top 1—talk about being the power couple.”

I just reached for my cocktail tapos ay tahimik na ininom ’yon. Ramdam ko na naka-tingin sa akin si Alisha. She arched her brow.

“What?” I asked.

“Ayaw mo sa kanya?”

“Wala akong sinabi na ganyan.”

“Then what’s with the face?” she asked. “May anti-fraternization ba sa firm niyo?”

“I don’t think so,” sagot ko. “Kasi if meron, hindi naman ako aayain ni Atty. Serrano.” I chewed on my lips. “Or baka meron? Nagooverthink lang ako when he mentioned dinner to me…”

Alisha rolled her eyes. “He likes you!” she said with conviction. “If he asks, say yes… or no. It’s up to you,” she continued. I remained silent. “What’s the problem ba?”

I was stirring my drink. I let out a sigh. “I just… don’t think I’m ready to date?”

“Kasi busy ka sa work… or because of what happened with he-who-shall-not-be-named? “”

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya at natawa. “What? You can say his name. Hindi naman siya si Voldemort,” sabi ko sa kanya.

“Fine,” sabi niya. “Is it because of Lui?”

I shrugged and tried to sip on my juice. “You still have hangups?”

“I don’t know,” I replied.

“Nagkita na ba kayo recently?”

“Not really,” I said. “Last na nagkita kami ay nung release pa nung results ng BAR.”

“How did it feel? Like gusto mo siyang suntukin?”

Natawa akong muli. “No, not really,” I replied. “More like… genuine wonder? Kasi it all happened in a short span of time. BAR season. Lahat tayo under extreme stress. I acted insane for a while, you know? Whenever I look back on the things I did, I kinda understand why he had to do what he did… so, sometimes, I do wonder kung ano kaya ang mangyayari had I meet him in a different time… but also… relief? That he did that? Kasi… top 1 ako sa BAR. Can’t even really complain, you know?”

“Do you wanna try it again?” she asked. “Since you’re both lawyers na.”

Agad akong umiling. “No.”

“Really?”

Tumango ako. She asked. I didn’t say why really. It’s just that… I feel like Lui had this kind of control over me. And whenever I’d think about that, I’d feel scared. Kasi ayokong maging kagaya ni Rory. I refuse to be so in love with a guy that I think I’d die kapag iniwan niya ako.

“I think… I’ll say yes if he asks.”

Napa-kunot ang noo ni Alisha. “Oh. You like him?”

“I like him enough,” I replied.

And I think that’s the key… just liking someone enough… hindi iyong sobra… kasi lahat ng sobra, masama.

“Okay,” Alisha replied. “But you know that you don’t have to like him, right? If he asks, you can say no? And if gantihan ka niya sa work, you can always report him to HR?”

I looked at her and smiled. “I know, but thanks for looking out for me.”

Alisha nodded. “Always,” she replied. “Do whatever you like… but for the record? You looked really happy with Lui. I don’t know what you saw in him, but you were happy.”

“Masaya naman ako.”

“Okay.”

“I have good work, family, friends.”

“I said okay ,” sabi niya na natawa. “I hope what happened with Lui didn’t traumatize you with love. Don’t play it safe when it comes to love, Tali. It never really works out.”

I just nodded to end the conversation… but truth was, I could never really allow myself to go through that again. I don’t ever want to cry myself to sleep and to constantly wonder what’s so wrong with me that he couldn’t have me the way I wanted him to.

So, I’d play it safe if it means not having to go through that again. 

**

This story is already at Chapter 26 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Atty. Serrano—I mean Lance—did ask me out. He did as he told me before. We went to dinner. We talked about work for a bit… until he asked me if I wanted to go out with him. Medyo natawa ako nung nagtanong siya kasi para bang business proposal iyong sinabi niya. He was very formal about it—kulang na lang ay bigyan niya ako ng pros at cons list. At kagaya din ng sinabi ko kay Alisha, pumayag ako.

I knew that Lance liked me.

He liked me more than I liked him.

Mas okay siguro iyong ganito na mas gusto ako nung lalaki. Because I’d been on the other side. I tried how it felt nung mas ako iyong may gusto, nung ako iyong mas baliw, nung ako iyong mas willing ibigay iyong lahat para sa kanya.

Nakaka-ubos.

Perhaps it’s wrong… but I just wanted to know how it feels to be on the receiving end of things.

Na paano kung ako naman iyong mas gusto?

“What?” tanong ko kay Pam nang naka-tingin pa rin siya sa akin after kong iabot sa kanya iyong draft na hinihingi niya sa ’kin.

“Talagang nagde-date kayo ni Atty. Serrano?”

I nodded. “Yeah, why?” I asked.

It did feel nice—not being hidden. I could just clearly say yes kapag may nagtanong sa akin. I didn’t have to do some mental gymnastics or try to justify kung ano ba talaga iyong meron.

“Wala lang… Sabi kasi nila nagde-date kayo pero kapag nakikita ko kayo dito sa office, parang normal naman.”

I slightly tilted my head to the side. “I mean… did you expect us to make out here?” I asked.

Bahagyang nanlaki iyong mga mata niya. “H-hindi naman ganon!”

Natawa ako. “No, I was just kidding,” I said, waving my hand dismissively. “Work is work,” I added. “Besides, kilala mo naman si Atty. Serrano,” I added and she nodded in agreement. Kapag nasa trabaho, seryoso talaga si Lance.

Siguro nga talaga mas maganda kung kilala mo muna iyong tao kahit papano bago ka pumasok sa kung anumang relasyon. At least with Lance, I was already well-aware na may pagka-workaholic siya. Hindi na ako nagugulat o sumasama ang loob. Hindi na rin ako parang tanga na naghihintay kung kailan siya magtetext.

This wasn’t boring—maybe this is how a mature relationship feels like.

Wala nung… adrenaline.

Basta kalmado lang.

It’s a bit different from before, pero masasanay din ako.

---

“I’ll probably leave early,” sabi ko kay Lance nung papunta na kami sa may hotel kung saan gaganapin ’yung IBP dinner.

Napa-tingin siya sa akin saglit habang nagda-drive. “Why?” he asked.

“Madami akong gagawin bukas,” I told him. “I’ll just book a ride,” I continued since he insisted na sabay kaming dadating doon kahit sinabi ko na magdadala na lang ako ng sarili kong sasakyan.

“Okay,” he replied. “I have to introduce you to some people. Can you stay for a while hanggang mapa-kilala kita sa kanila?”

“Yes, of course,” I replied tapos ay sinandal ko muna iyong ulo ko at pinikit ang mga mata ko. I had been working non-stop with Atty. Arnaez. Sabi kasi ni Lance, kung hindi talaga ako interesado sa Corpo, might as well train under Atty. Arnaez. Malaki din daw kasi iyong pera sa arbitration. I mean, it’s okay… Hanggang ngayon, ’di ko pa rin talaga alam kung ano ang gusto ko.

Pagdating namin sa parking, I checked myself on the mirror. Maayos pa naman iyong itsura ko. Tapos ay napa-tingin ako sa gilid kasi naramdaman ko si Lance na naka-tingin sa akin.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing,” he replied as he shook his head.

Kumunot ang noo ko. “Okay?” sabi ko at saka muling nagreapply ng lipstick. He was just watching me while I was doing my thing. Nang matapos ako, tumingin ako sa kanya. “Shall we go in?” I asked.

He nodded, but instead of going out, he leaned in and kissed me. Bahagyang nanlaki iyong mga mata ko sa gulat. We’d been going out for a while now… pero iilang beses pa lang niya akong nahahalikan. Hanggang ngayon, naninibago pa rin ako. Iba kasi iyong sa kanya… O baka hindi lang ako sanay. Baka nasanay lang talaga ako sa dati na masyadong… madaming nangyayari.

And then the kiss ended.

Naka-tingin lang siya sa mukha ko na parang kinakabisado ang bawat parte non.

“Let’s go,” sabi niya tapos ay lumabas na kami.

Lance and I walked side by side. Kaya nga siguro natanong kami ni Tal kung kami ba talaga ni Lance kasi formal talaga kami kapag nasa labas. Bihira lang din naman kami magka-time na magkasama kaming dalawa lang kasi busy kami sa work pareho.

Pagpasok namin sa loob, ni hindi man lang ako naka-kuha ng drinks dahil agad na pinakilala ako ni Lance sa mga lawyers.

“Nice meeting you,” I said to each and every lawyer Lance introduced to me. Lahat sila ay may posisyon—either partners ng mga law firm, mga judge, justice, o solicitor general.

“What’s your focus?” tanong sa akin.

“Not yet sure,” sagot ko.

Naramdaman ko iyong kamay ni Lance sa likuran ko. “She’s considering arbitration,” he said on my behalf. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya at bahagyang napa-kunot ang noo. “Or maybe she’ll give Corpo a try?” dugtong niya tapos ay naka-tingin sa akin.

Bahagya pang muling kumunot ang noo ko bago ako tumango at tumingin sa mga kausap namin. “Maybe,” I said with a smile.

“That’s good to hear,” sabi sa akin. “Our department needs new lawyers.”

Humalakhak si Lance. “I doubt if papakawalan ng partners si Atty. Hernaez,” sabi niya at saka binida sa mga kausap namin na Top 1 ako at kung anu-ano pa. I was starting to feel self-conscious dahil sa lahat ng papuri na sinasabi ni Lance tungkol sa akin. I don’t even do that myself—I don’t introduce myself as Atty. Tali unless client kita. Mas lalo namang hindi ko sinasabi na Top 1 ako sa BAR. I mean, yes, nakaka-proud naman talaga ’yon, but it’s just my work… It’s just something that I do… It’s not who I am.

I needed a drink—pero hindi ako makaalis dahil humahanap pa ako ng tyempo. Ang dami kasi talagang pinapakilala sa akin ni Lance na hindi ako makaalis-alis sa tabi niya.

“Where are you going?” Lance asked nang tumalikod ako. Umalis kasi iyong kausap namin. Finally.

“I’ll just get a drink,” I told him. “Also, aalis na rin ako.”

“Can’t you stay? ’Di pa dumadating si Justice Esguerra.”

“Baka hindi na dadating,” I replied. “Marami pa akong gagawin bukas.”

“Yeah, I know, but it’ll be nice for you to meet these people, Tali. They can help you grow your career. In our line of work, connection is everything.”

I looked at him. “Fine,” I replied since ayoko na pagtalunan pa ’to. Nakikipag-argue na nga ako bilang trabaho, the last thing I would want is to also argue in real life. “I just need a few minutes to myself.”

Tumalikod na ako bago pa may ipakilala na naman siya sa akin. I just kept on walking and walking—I only stopped for a while to get a flute of champagne mula sa waiter na naglalakad. I stayed outside for 10 minutes. I just finished my drink tapos ay kalahati lang nung sigarilyo iyong naubos ko. I needed to get back inside dahil baka hanapin ako ni Lance.

Pagbalik ko, nakita ko na may kausap na naman siya. I drew a deep breath and braced myself dahil sa kung sino na naman niya ako ipapakilala—

“Atty. Hernaez, this is Atty. Valladares—we’re from the same fraternity,” biglang sabi ni Lance habang naka-tingin ako sa lalaking nasa tabi niya. He was looking at me like he expected to see me here. Kanina pa ba nila ako pinaguusapan? Alam ba ni Lance iyong sa amin dati? Impossible. Bakit naman sasabihin ni Lui sa kanya ’yon?

It was just a fling—a brief one at that. It wasn’t worthy of being mentioned.

I drew another deep breath as I looked at him. “No introductions needed,” I told Lance. “We’re friends.”

Naka-tingin lang si Lui sa akin na para bang sinusubukan niyang basahin kung ano ang nasa isip ko. What? I had nothing going on in my mind besides wanting to go home so that I could sleep. Marami pa akong kailangang gawin bukas.

“Is that so?” sabi ni Lance tapos ay tumingin siya kay Lui. “Why didn’t you tell me? Kanina ko pa sinasabi sa ’yo si Tali.”

Lui looked at him and flashed a smile—ngayon ko lang nakita iyong ganoong ngiti niya. O baka ganoon talaga ang ngiti niya? Ano ba naman kasi ang alam ko talaga sa kanya?

“You wouldn’t let me get a word in,” sagot ni Lui. Tapos ay tumingin siya sa akin. “He’s all praises about you,” he continued as he just stared directly into my eyes.

“I know,” I said. Tumingin ako kay Lance. “I really need to go,” muling sabi ko sa kanya.

“Alright…” sagot ni Lance.

Tumingin ako kay Lui. “Nice seeing you again,” I told him before I turned my back around at naglakad ako muling palayo.

Pagdating ko sa labas ng hotel, naglakad ako papunta sa isang gilid. I got out another stick of cigarette at saka sinindihan iyon. I was just standing there, thinking about nothing. I just wanted to rest my mind for a while.

“Since when did you smoke?”

Napa-tingin ako sa pinanggalingan ng boses. A car stopped in front of me. Naka-baba iyong bintana non at nandon si Lui sa loob ng sasakyan habang naka-tingin sa akin.

Tinanggal ko iyong sigarilyo sa bibig ko. “A while now,” I replied.

He slightly nodded. “Akala ko uuwi ka na?”

“Yeah,” I said. “I’m just finishing this,” dugtong ko sabay pakita sa kanya nung sigarilyo ko na malapit na rin namang maubos.

Imbes na magdrive palayo, napa-kunot iyong noo ko nang mag-hazard siya sa sasakyan niya tapos ay lumabas siya doon. Naglakad siya hanggang nasa tabi ko na siya. Napa-kunot iyong noo ko nang ilahad niya iyong kamay niya.

“What?”

“Can I have a stick?” sabi niya. Naka-kunot ang noo ko, pero binigyan ko na lang din siya. He put the cigarette in between his teeth. “Pa-sindi,” he said.

Napa-irap na lang ako dahil ang kapal naman ng mukha niyang utusan pa ako. Pero wala na talaga akong energy na makipagtalo kaya naman sinindihan ko na lang iyong sigarilyo niya.

We stood there—hopefully in just silence dahil ayoko talagang mag-isip ngayon. Gusto ko lang ng katahimikan.

“I didn’t tell him about us,” sabi niya bigla.

“What?” I asked, still not looking at him and just looking at the cars passing in front of us.

“Lance,” he said.

“Ah,” sabi ko na lang.

“He said you two are dating.”

“Yup.”

There was a stretch of silence for a while. Mauubos na rin iyong sigarilyo ko.

“That’s why I didn’t tell him,” sabi niya.

“Why?” I asked. “May rule ba sa frat niyo na bawal maulit iyong babae?” Hindi ako naka-tingin sa kanya pero parang ramdam ko iyong pagkunot ng noo niya. “I mean, if it’s for my sake, I would’ve been fine kung sinabi mo sa kanya iyong sa ’tin dati. It was a thing of the past and it happened briefly. I don’t think Lance would mind.”

Hanggang sa naubos iyong sigarilyo ko ay hindi siya nakapagsalita.

“But you know, if there’s a rule in your frat na bawal na magshare sa iisang babae, I’d be happy to corroborate with whatever story you want to tell people.”

Nagsimula akong maglakad at saka tinapon iyong upos ng sigarilyo sa may basurahan. Kinuha ko iyong cellphone ko para makapagbook na ako ng sasakyan.

“What happened to you?” he asked.

“What do you mean?” I replied as I was still fiddling with my phone. Natapos na ako sa pagbbook at papunta na iyong driver dito sa location ko ay hindi pa rin nagsasalita si Lui.

Nilingon ko siya.

“Since nasabi na rin naman natin kay Lance na friends tayo, it’ll be nice kung hindi mo na rin babanggitin ’yung nangyari dati,” I told him while looking straight into his eyes. “But really, do whatever you like—it’s none of my business anyway,” dugtong ko bago pumasok sa sasakyan nang huminto iyon sa harapan ko. 

**

This story is already at Chapter 27 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 20

Chapter 20

I felt so lost—both personally and professionally. Akala ko dati ay swerte ako dahil ayos lang naman talaga sa akin ang kahit na ano… I went to law school because my family told me that it’d be nice kung magiging abogado din ako. I accepted the job kasi sabi sa akin ni Tito sayang naman daw kung hindi ko i-grab iyong opportunity.

I’d been saying yes to almost everything.

Akala ko okay ’yon… but lately, I’d been feeling so lost. Sa kaka-oo ko sa lahat ng bagay, parang hindi ko na alam kung ano talaga iyong gusto ko.

“Bakit ’di ka sa boyfriend mo nagtanong? ’Di ba successful na lawyer ’yon?” Tito asked me nung umuwi ako sa amin para magtanong sa kanya ng advice niya sa kung ano ang pwede kong gawin. Nakaka-pressure na rin kasi kapag lagi akong tinatanong kung saan ako magfofocus. ’Di naman daw pwede na lagi lang akong shifting sa kung saan mang department ako kailanganin.

I just smiled. “Busy sobra, Tito,” sagot ko na lang.

I knew I could’ve asked Lance, but I also knew kung ano ang magiging sagot niya. He’d tell me to go for Corpo or go for Arbitration. I could already imagine him telling me to go where the money is.

Hindi ko alam kung kilala ko na ba talaga si Lance o alam ko kung nasaan lang talaga iyong priority niya kaya alam ko na kung ano ang sasabihin niya sa akin.

“Masaya naman ako sa work ko, ’To, kaya lang parang… repetitive na,” I explained as best as I possibly could. ’Di ko rin kasi ma-point out kung anuman ang gusto kong gawin sa buhay ko.

“Ano ba’ng gusto mong mangyari?”

I shrugged. “Yung may sense ba…”

“PAO?”

“May contract pa ko, e.”

“Hintayin mo matapos.”

“I know… kaya lang ilang buwan pa rin,” sabi ko sa kanya.

“May legal clinic ’yung IBP mo. Pwede kang magvolunteer doon,” sabi ni Tito. “Palagay ko e mag-e-enjoy ka kasi doon mo ma-e-encounter iyong problema ng mga normal na Pinoy. Sa trabaho mo kasi mukhang puro kumpanya kliyente mo, e.”

I heeded Tito’s advice. Pagbalik ko sa Manila, I contacted my IBP chapter to ask kung paano magvolunteer doon sa legal clinic. I was told that I could go there on the weekend. Apparently, I just needed to answer the legal queries nung mga pupunta doon. It’s a free work. Walang bayad. Something that Lance wouldn’t probably do… kaya ’di ko na lang sasabihin sa kanya siguro. Feel ko kasi sasabihan pa ako non na mag-seminar na lang o kaya ay magtake ng masteral kung ganitong may time pa pala ako sa weekend magvolunteer.

“Do you have plans tomorrow?” Lance asked nung daanan niya ako sa office ko. It was already 10PM. Kaka-tapos ko lang sa trabaho ko. I mean, it’s still late, but it’s an improvement kumpara sa dati na madaling-araw na akong nakaka-uwi.

I nodded.

“Oh,” sabi niya. “I wanted you to come with me.”

I just shrugged at him. I didn’t even need to ask dahil sigurado ako na networking dinner na naman iyong pagdadalhan niya sa akin. Kakilala ko na ata lahat ng judge at kung sinu-sino pa rito sa Manila. Lance introduced me to basically everyone he thought I must meet.

“Maybe next time,” I told him.

I appreciate what Lance was doing. Alam ko naman na hindi lahat ng tao, generous sa connections nila. But with him, pinapakilala niya talaga ako sa lahat ng tao na alam niyang makaka-tulong sa paglago ng career ko… Ako naman iyong problema, e. I just needed to do something… worthwhile.

“Alright,” he said. “What’s your plans for today?”

I shrugged. “Not yet sure,” I replied vaguely. Same rin kasi kami ng IBP chapter kaya baka in case lang na may magbanggit sa kanya, it’d be easier for me to explain. Ayoko lang ng boldface lie dahil ang hirap lusutan non.

Tsk.

Kung anu-ano napupulot ko sa pagiging abogado—mas magaling na ata ako magsinungaling ngayon at mas mabilis na akong mag-isip ng kung anu-anong palusot.

---

Lance and I had late night dinner tapos ay umuwi na rin ako. I slept agad dahil maaga pa ako bukas. I woke up weirdly energetic. Usually kasi I have to drag myself to work.

Pagdating ko sa may legal clinic, agad na hinanap ko iyong mag-o-orient sa akin. ’Di ko pa kasi talaga sure kung ano ang gagawin ko, but I hope na maka-tulong naman ako kahit papano.

“So… I literally just have to answer their questions?” I clarified after mag-explain sa akin ng gagawin ko ngayong araw.

Tumango siya. “Yes. Also, ask them to be as specific as possible… unless of course ayaw nilang sabihin. Then bigyan mo sila ng disclaimer na since ’di complete iyong facts, mahirap magbigay ng exact na legal advice since nababago iyong case depende sa set of facts,” patuloy na paliwanag sa akin. “You know the usual drill lang din kapag may kausap tayo na client but this time, free legal consult lang.”

I nodded again. “Okay. Got it.”

“But be clear na legal consult lang, okay? ’Di mo sila nirerepresent. If mag-ask sila about that, direct them to PAO o kumuha kamo sila ng private lawyer nila.”

After that, pumunta muna ako sa CR. I always try to make myself look presentable naman, but I guess na-prioritize lang lalo nung napunta ako sa big firm. May clothing allowance din kasi kami. I mean, it made sense? Mga sikat na tao iyong clients namin—ang pangit naman kung ’di kami maayos tignan palagi. Magrereflect sa clients namin.

Nang masigurado ko na maayos akong tignan, lumabas na ako at hinanap iyong sinasabi sa akin na lugar kung saan magaganap iyong legal consultation. I looked around for an empty spot nang matigilan ako nang may makita akong pamilyar na mukha.

‘You’ve got to be kidding me…’ sabi ko sa isip ko nang makita ko si Lui na naka-upo doon sa tabi nung bakanteng pwesto. Hindi niya agad ako nakita dahil may binabasa siya sa cellphone niya. I mean, that was hardly surprising.

Huminga ako nang malalim.

This was inevitable… Alam ko naman na magkikita at magkikita kami lalo na at nasa iisang IBP chapter pa ata kami. I could request for transfer… but what for? ’Di naman siya ang may-ari nito.

Whatever.

Diretso akong naglakad papunta doon sa may bakanteng pwesto. Magiging busy naman ako the whole day kasi ang haba na agad ng pila sa labas kahit hindi pa nagsisimula iyong legal clinic.

Ilang minuto na akong nakaupo doon bago napansin ni Lui na nandon ako. I was pretending not to notice him looking at me habang inaayos ko iyong laptop ko.

“What?” I asked when I couldn’t ignore him watching me any longer.

“Nothing,” he replied. “Just surprised to see you here.”

“Same here,” sagot ko habang may inaayos pa rin sa laptop ko.

I was probably waiting for his response, pero natapos na ako sa ginagawa ko ay hindi pa rin siya nagsasalita. I turned my head to look at him. Naka-tingin lang siya sa akin.

“May sasabihin ka ba?” I asked again because it’s annoying na tingin siya nang tingin tapos wala naman pala siyang sasabihin.

Umiling siya. “As I said, just surprised to see you here.”

“Yeah? Why? Why is it so surprising to see me here?”

He was still looking directly into my eyes. That was… bold of him. I guess he didn’t feel any remorse sa ginawa niya sa akin dati. Siguro sa isip niya, naging honest naman siya sa akin na for fun lang kami dati. That whatever happened to me, it was my own doing. Winagayway niya na iyong red flag sa harapan ko, pero ako lang ’tong tanga na kusang pumikit.

I guess he’s right.

Kaya kung matatanga man ulit ako ngayon, ang bobo ko na lang talaga.

“I thought you’re busy with big law,” sabi niya sa akin.

Kumunot ang noo ko. “What?”

“Lance told anyone who’d listen that you’re busy with Corpo and Arbitration—that you’re on the fast track to becoming a partner.”

I pursed my lips together and grabbed a pen at saka hinawakan iyon. “Yeah, so?”

“There’s a party with the frat… Akala ko dadalhin ka niya don,” Lui continued.

“Well, I’m here, am I not?” sagot ko na lang sa kanya.

Why did Lance have to tell everyone about me? I get it, he’s proud, but it was making me really uncomfortable na parang ang daming tao na mas alam pa iyong mangyayari sa career ko kaysa sa akin.

Lui probably felt that I was in no mood for chatter. Mabuti na lang at nagsimula na iyong legal clinic. Kinakabahan ako nung maupo iyong unang client ko sa harap ko. I usually just deal with contracts kaya kabado talaga ako. Hindi naman siguro nila ako ijjudge kung magccheck muna ako sa provision? Ang dami kaya non—hindi ko naman kabisado lahat ’yon. Or they can judge me… Mas importante sa akin na tama ang masabi ko sa kanila.

“Good morning po, Attorney,” sabi sa akin nung babae na mukhang mas bata pa sa akin.

“Good morning po,” sagot ko rin. “Ano po ang maitutulong ko sa inyo?”

I sat there as she began to tell me about her legal predicament. Apparently, nabuntis siya ng lalaki na may pamilya na pala. Tapos ay namatay iyong lalaki. Sinubukan niyang humingi ng tulong doon sa pamilya nung lalaki, pero ayaw siyang pansinin. Wala daw siyang trabaho at hindi niya alam kung paano papakainin iyong anak niya na bata pa.

“Wala po ba talaga akong makukuha, Attorney? Kahit para sa anak ko lang po…”

“Alam niyo po ba kung may will na naiwan iyong namatay?” tanong ko sa kanya.

“Hindi ko po alam…”

“Okay,” sagot ko. “Ang sinasabi po kasi sa batas natin, iyong mga anak sa labas, may karapan sila sa ½ ng kung anuman ang mamanahin nung mga legitimate na anak… Pero kung wala naman pong iniwan na will iyong namatay, meron pa rin na makukuha iyong anak niyo mula sa estate nung yumao… Provided na ni-recognize nung tatay iyong bata,” pagpapatuloy ko. “Naka-pirma po ba sa birth certificate iyong tatay?”

Nagpatuloy ako sa pagtatanong sa babae. I just wanted to be as thorough as possible kasi kapag may mga nabagong facts, mababago din iyong sasabihin ko. Saka nakakaawa kasi wala ata talaga siyang pantustos sa pangangailangan ng anak niya. Itong legal clinic lang talaga ang makaka-tulong sa kanya ngayon.

“Maraming salamat po, Attorney,” sagot niya nung matapos kami.

“Walang anuman po,” sagot ko. “Kung may ibang tanong pa po kayo, balik lang kayo dito. May sasagot naman sa mga tanong niyo palagi.”

The consult lasted for more than an hour at napagod ako doon, pero ’di ko magawang magpahinga kasi nakita ko na ang haba pa ng pila sa labas.

“You can take a break,” sabi ni Lui nung makita niya na i-stretch ko iyong leeg ko.

“No, I’m fine,” sagot ko. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya nung abutan niya ako ng tubig. Imbes na abutin ko agad, bahagyang kumunot ang noo ko.

“What? It’s just water, Tali.”

I didn’t know why, but it annoyed me to hear him calling me Tali. Like we’re friendly. Like there’s no bad memory between us.

But I didn’t want to discuss it with him further kaya naman tinanggap ko na lang iyong tubig at nagpatuloy sa consult.

---

I wanted to skip lunch. Nagtanong ako kanina kung okay lang ba na ’wag na akong maglunch kasi parang sayang iyong oras e ang dami pang naka-pila. Apparently, ’di pala pwede dahil magllunch din iyong ibang staff kaya walang magbabantay.

I got out of the building. I wasn’t hungry kahit may provided naman na lunch iyong legal aid.

“That’s your lunch?” rinig ko na sabi ni Lui nung makita niya ako na nasa isang gilid at naninigarilyo.

I looked at him. “What’s your deal?” tanong ko sa kanya.

“What?”

“You’re always showing yourself in front of me,” sabi ko sa kanya.

Tumayo siya sa gilid ko. Naglabas siya ng sigarilyo at saka sinindihan iyon.

“You’d seen me like what? Twice in a year?” sabi niya.

“Thrice,” I corrected him. Tumingin siya sa akin na naka-kunot ang noo. “Nung results nung BAR.”

“Right…” sabi niya at saka humithit at saka bumuga. “I wanted to congratulate you that day, but everyone was crowding you.”

Naka-tingin lang ako sa harapan ko at patuloy na naninigarilyo. I didn’t want to think further or to even let myself wonder kung bakit siya nandito at bakit niya ako kinakausap. I guess it’s just normal since nasa iisang legal aid kami.

Because it’s been a year. Alam niya naman iyong number ko at kung saan ako naka-tira. Kung gusto niya akong kausapin, he would’ve done it before. But he didn’t. Nandito lang naman siya ngayon dahil nagkataon na pareho kaming nandito.

There’s nothing to it.

“Congratulations, Tali,” he said. “I’m proud.”

The way he said my name…

It made me feel sick.

“Thanks,” I replied, holding the cigarette stick in between my fingers. “You wanna hear something funny, Lui?” I continued. He was looking straight into my eyes and I did the same “You dumped me because you wanted to focus on your review… But I’m the one who topped the exam…” I cocked my head to the side. “Weird, right?”

**

This story is already at Chapter 28 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Lui didn’t really talk to me pagkatapos kong sabihin sa kanya ’yon. Hindi ko na rin naman napansin dahil naging busy ako sa legal consult. Nung matapos ’yon, kinausap ko iyong head nung legal aid kasi concerned ako doon sa isang pumunta. She was a minor and even though she was very vague about her questions, I knew that she was pertaining to her teacher abusing her. I tried to pry as gently as I could, pero ayaw niyang magsalita. Hindi ko rin naman siya pwedeng pilitin.

That was what bothered me the whole day… or maybe the whole week, even. Na kahit balik na ako sa contracts na trabaho ko, kapag nagkakaroon ako ng bakanteng oras, bumabalik doon iyong isip ko.

“Are you free this weekend?” tanong ni Lance ulit sa akin nung Friday na. I was cooped up in my office. Gusto kong tapos lahat ng work requirements ko for this week para guilt-free iyong weekend ko.

“Nope, sorry,” I replied habang nasa screen pa rin iyong mga mata ko. I remember asking Lance before kung dumadali ba iyong work namin… He said no, but we get better at it. Tama naman siya. Kaya ko na atang magdraft ng pleadings kahit naka-pikit ako.

“Uuwi ka sa inyo?” he asked.

“Nope,” I replied.

“Plans with your friends?”

“Nope,” I replied again while revising my pleading bago ko i-mark iyon as done.

“Then, what are you doing this weekend?”

“Personal time,” I replied. Hindi ako tumingin sa mukha niya dahil alam ko na iyong magiging itsura niya. “I have to have a personal time unless gusto mo akong makitang magka-mental breakdown,” I continued saying.

Thankfully, he didn’t push the conversation even more kasi pareho naman naming alam na maraming lawyer ang nagkaka-mental breakdown talaga lalo na sa big firms dahil sa dami ng workload. I knew hindi naman talaga personal time iyong sa legal clinic, but I like doing it.

It makes me feel… good.

Ito siguro iyong sinasabi nila na moral dilemma na gumagawa ka ba talaga ng mabuti dahil alam mo na mabuti or just because it makes you feel good about yourself? And in that case, the unselfish act becomes a selfish one?

But did it really matter? At the end of the day, I’m helping someone. Who fucking cares kung bakit ko ’yon ginagawa?

Lance invited me to have dinner with him, but I told him na magkikita na kami ni Alisha. I asked him to join, but he declined. It’s fine since I invited him to be polite lang din naman.

“What? ’Di pa ba enough workload mo at nasa legal aid ka naman?” Alisha asked me, confused nung sinabi ko sa kanya iyong weekend plans ko.

“Iba naman ’yon,” I replied. “Boring contracts lang iyong ginagawa ko sa work. Ayaw mo ba magtry don?”

Her face contorted like I just suggested that she swim in a polluted river with an open wound. “No, thanks,” sabi niya sa ’kin. “I’d rather spend my weekends doing anything else but working.”

“Ang saya kaya. Nasusubok talaga iyong utak ko.”

“Magpilates na lang tayo,” she said. “Or yoga? Or spin class? Or basically anything other than working.”

I shrugged. “I’m free naman ng Sunday,” I told her since every Saturday lang ’yung legal aid.

“Wala kayong date or something ni Lance?”

“No, it’s fine,” I told her. I’d rather do pilates or anything else kaysa umattend na naman sa networking event ni Lance.

Alisha and I continued to talk nung bigla kong ma-mention na kasama ko si Lui sa may legal aid. Napa-hinto siya sa pag-sip niya nung amaretto niya.

“What? Why didn’t you start with that? Ang dami mo pang sinabi na boring na bagay!”

“What? Hindi naman boring ’yon!” I told her kasi I was telling her about the zoning ordinance na binasa ko nung isang araw kasi may nagtanong sa akin sa legal clinic tungkol sa kung sino iyong may rights sa parking sa harap ng bahay nila.

“It is,” sabi ni Alisha. “So, what happened with Lui?”

I shrugged. “Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“Yes. Nothing,” I replied. “We greeted each other tapos nagsmoke kami—”

“What?”

“I mean, nauna ako doon tapos sumunod siya.”

“He followed you?”

“Hindi naman siguro,” I told her. “Maybe he was just also looking for a place tapos nakita niya na nandon na ako,” I continued because I refuse to put colors in his otherwise innocent action.

Alisha prodded me to continue, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell her kung ano iyong sinabi ko kay Lui nung huli. I didn’t even know why I said that. I knew I shouldn’t have said that. Kasi ano naman kung top ako tapos siya hindi? Pareho lang naman kaming pumasa.

But… the way he’d say my name…

It really rubbed me the wrong way.

Like couldn’t we just be civil? Must he call my name with such familiarity? Na parang hindi niya hinide iyong IG stories niya sa akin before? Na parang hindi ko dineactivate lahat ng social media accounts ko kasi nasasaktan ako noon na hindi ko nakikita iyong stories niya dahil alam ko na naka-hide lahat sa ’kin?

“Maybe,” Alisha said. “Saka galing sila sa same frat ni Atty. Serrano, right? I don’t think Lui will dare.”

“Right…”

---

I didn’t know why my freaking conscience wouldn’t let me rest. Na-guilty talaga ako sa sinabi ko kay Lui saka feeling ko ang condescending ko sa part na ’yon.

Napa-tingin si Lui sa akin nang ilagay ko sa harapan niya iyong coffee na binili ko. He didn’t say a word, but he slightly arched his brow.

“Just accept it,” I said.

“Baka may lason ’to,” he replied.

“If I wanted you dead, I’d rather hire a hitman,” I told him. May narinig ako sa work tungkol sa mga gun for hire. Ang mura lang pala non—which sent chills up my spine kasi… iyon na ’yon? Iyon lang ang presyo ng buhay ng tao?

Natawa siya. “If you did, tell them to shoot me here,” sabi niya sabay hawak sa dibdib niya. “Wouldn’t want to mess this,” dugtong niya sabay turo sa mukha niya.

I rolled my eyes at him tapos ay naupo na ako sa pwesto ko. The consultation began at nawala na sa isip ko iyong katabi ko. Napa-tingin lang ako doon nang makita ko na abutan ni Lui ng tissue iyong babae sa harapan niya. I was a bit taken aback… for some reason.

Was it because I remembered all those times na pinuntahan niya ako at pinatahan dahil umiiyak ako? Na binigyan ko ng kulay lahat ng ’yon? When in fact, here he is, doing just the same.

He didn’t really care about me that way.

He was just being a decent human.

God, it was really just me—it was all in my head.

“You need anything?” tanong ni Lui nang mapansin niya na naka-tingin lang ako sa kanila.

Mabilis akong umiling. “Nope,” sabi ko tapos ay inabot ko lang iyong kape ko at ininom iyon para mahimasmasan ako nang kaunti.

Nung lunch break, hindi ako pumunta doon sa smoking area. Nagstay ako sa may area at nakipagsocialize sa ibang mga lawyer doon. I saw Lui looking at me, but I pretended that I didn’t notice. It was easy dahil ang dami kong pwedeng makausap na iba bukod sa kanya.

By the end of the lunch break, ang dami kong bagong nakilala. Sure, hindi sila mga Supreme Court justices o partners ng kung anumang firm, but I was happy. Kaya ko naman palang makipagsocialize on my own terms.

The consultation continued. Nakakapagod, pero masaya din at the same time. Nung natapos na ’yon, nagpaalam na agad ako kasi may lakad pa kami bukas ni Alisha.

“What—” sabi ko at natigilan ako dahil nakita ko si Lance na nasa may labas nung building kung saan nagaganap iyong legal aid.

“This is your weekend plan?” he asked. There was no hint of anything on his face, but I knew him better.

Umayos ako ng tayo. “Akala ko may lakad ka?” I asked because why was he here? Dito ba iyong lakad niya?

“Papunta pa lang ako don,” he told me.

“Ah… May kailangan ka dito?”

“Someone told me you’re here.”

“Someone?” I asked. “What? You’re having me watched now?” pabiro kong sabi kahit naiinis ako na bakit may nagrereport sa kanya kung nasaan ako?

“Of course not,” he replied. “Someone just mentioned how commendable it is that you’re still doing pro-bono here despite everything you have going on.”

Hindi ako nagsalita. I was waiting for him to say his piece. Pagod na kasi ako buong araw. Gusto ko na umuwi at matulog.

“Anyway, are you done here?”

“Yes.”

“Good,” he said. “The dinner will start in an hour. Pwede pa tayong dumaan sa condo mo para makapagpalit ka.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. “What? Ano’ng dinner?”

“The one I mentioned last night,” he said. Tumingin siya sa relo niya. “You can go straight to your condo. May bibilhin lang ako tapos dadaanan kita doon para sabay na tayo,” he continued without even asking me kung okay lang ba sa akin na dumiretso pa sa dinner.

He didn’t even give me the chance to say no dahil hinalikan niya ako sa pisngi tapos ay naglakad na siya paalis.

I just stood there, dumbfounded.

What?

Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal na naka-tayo doon dahil bigla na nasa tabi ko na si Lui.

“Shut up,” agad na sabi ko nung naramdaman ko na magsasalita siya. I was having a headache dahil sa sinabi ni Lance. I was really looking forward to sleeping in my bed.

“I didn’t say anything,” sagot niya.

“You were about to.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything,” he replied. “It’s not my place to make a comment on.”

I snapped my head at his direction. The words he’s using and his tone didn’t match up.

“Good,” I said. “Keep it that way.”

“Alright,” he replied, placing his hands in his pocket. “He really cares about your career.”

I knew Lui; I knew that this wasn’t an innocent observation. If anything, this was a dig.

“He does,” sagot ko. I didn’t like how Lance tries to control where my career is going, but it’s my call to make. Lui doesn’t get to have a say in that.

“When he mentioned that you’re focusing on Corpo and Arbitration, I’d admit that I was a bit surprised,” sabi niya. I didn’t say a word. “I always thought you’d be in litigation.”

Bahagyang napaawang iyong labi ko.

“But what do I know, right? Baka nagbago ka na talaga,” he continued before walking away. 

**

This story is already at Chapter 29 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 22

Chapter 22

“Still no decision?” tanong sa akin ng partner nung ipatawag ako dahil may itatanong ata sa akin tungkol don sa isang case na lead ako.

Alangan akong ngumiti. “Okay naman pleadings ko, Sir, ah?” pabiro kong sabi.

Humalakhak siya. I mean, it’s probably wrong, but what could I do? Maganda talaga ako. Alam ko naman na bukod sa top 1 ako, advantage ko rin na maganda ako kaya mabait sa akin iyong mga partners. It wasn’t as if inaakit ko naman sila. Takot ko lang ma-disbar. Basta ang alam ko, a nice smile can get me far in life.

“But… may vacancy ba sa litigation, Sir?”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Litigation?”

Tumango ako. “Yes, Sir. Medyo interested po ako sa litigation.”

“Is that so?” sabi niya na parang nabigla pa roon. “Serrano mentioned na nagdedecide ka pa sa Corpo o Arbitration.”

I forced a smile on my face. Of course, he said that. Hindi ko alam kung boyfriend ko ba siya o manager.

“Yes, but litigation sounds interesting din, Sir,” I replied instead dahil hindi ko naman pwedeng ilaglag bigla si Lance.

Alam ko na medyo in favor sa akin iyong partners… pero alam ko rin naman na between me and Lance, of course mas pipiliin nila si Lance. I still had to tread carefully. After all, office politics pa rin ang mas matimbang kahit gaano pa ako kagaling gumawa ng pleadings.

“Very well,” sabi sa akin. “Ask the department head to assign a case to you.”

“Wow, thank you, Sir. As always, I will do my best,” I replied at saka umalis na ako bago pa magbago iyong isip niya.

Dumiretso na ako sa office ko. Mabuti na lang at alam ko na wala sa Luzon si Lance kaya at least may day of peace ako kahit papaano. Nagtrabaho lang ako buong araw. Nung lunch break, pumunta ako sa library ng firm at saka naghanap ng book about litigation ’don. Gusto ko magbasa muna about that bago ako magrequest. Nakaka-hiya naman kasi kung mukha akong tanga. Alam ko na ibang-iba iyong litigation kaysa sa ginagawa kong pleadings.

I spent all my lunch breaks in the library. Para lang akong bumalik sa law school na nag-aaral ako. I took down notes don sa mga usual na mistakes ng lawyers saka kung paano mag-argue effectively. Gusto ko rin humanap ng mentor for this. Naglilitigation naman sila Tito kaya lang ang hassle if uuwi pa ako para don. If dito naman sa firm, feel ko kasi naka-masid lagi sa akin si Lance.

Tsk.

What if magresign na ako after?

Pero parang ang ungrateful ko naman…

What if tanggalin na lang nila ako?

Tsk. Bahala na nga. Saka ko na lang iisipin ’yon kapag nakapagdecide na talaga ako kung ano gusto kong mangyari sa buhay ko.

Bumili na rin ako ng sarili kong libro dahil gustung-gusto ko na maghighlight doon. Dala-dala ko iyong libro kahit saan ako magpunta. Hindi na kasi ako nacchallenge sa pleadings kasi feel ko na-master ko na siya. May template naman kasi ’yon—depende na lang sa facts ng kaso. But litigation? It sounded so exciting!

Like what if magwork ako sa PAO? O kaya prosecutor? Maganda din naman ’yon.

“What?” I asked when I saw Lui’s smug face nang makita niya ako na nagbabasa nung libro ko.

Maaga pa kasi kaya naman nasa ibang floor ako nung building. Nakaupo lang ako doon at nagbabasa habang hinihintay na magstart iyong legal aid.

“Is it because I told you na akala ko mapupunta ka sa litigation?” he asked.

My eyes were still on the page of my book. “Medyo makapal din ang mukha mo,” sabi ko sa kanya.

Naupo siya sa tabi ko. I tried to ignore him, pero hindi ako makapagfocus sa binabasa ko dahil nakikita ko na nakiki-basa din siya sa akin.

“Do you mind?” I asked because he was distracting me.

Naka-sandal siya sa pader. “Interesado ka sa litigation?”

“Obvious ba?” sagot ko. “Mukha bang nagbabasa lang ako for fun?”

Naka-tingin pa rin siya sa akin. “Akala ko sa corpo ka, e.”

“So? Bawal magbago ng career?”

Natawa siya. “Bakit ba ang sungit mo?”

“Bakit ba ang papansin mo?” mabilis na sagot ko sa kanya. Sinara ko iyong libro ko tapos ay tumayo na ako. Tsk. Akala ko matatahimik ako dito, pero nakita pa rin niya ako. Naglakad ako papunta sa may elevator. Naka-tayo lang ako habang naghihintay na bumukas iyon nang maramdaman ko na nasa tabi ko na naman siya.

“What? I thought you said we’re friends?”

I stopped myself for a second. Huminga ako nang malalim bago ko ibinaling iyong mukha ko para tignan siya nang diretso sa mga mata niya.

“I know I said that but… Lui, we’re not friends,” I told him. “We were never friends. I was just one of the girls you fucked before, remember? Kaya please, stop acting like we’re friends. It’s starting to get annoying.”

I got in the elevator when it opened.

“Take the stairs instead,” I told him as I closed the elevator door.

Diretso lang siyang naka-tingin sa akin habang nagsasara iyong pintuan ng elevator. He looked a bit surprised with how I acted… but what did he expect, really? Na magiging friends kami?

I could be civil around him, sure, but we could never be friends—that much I was certain.

---

Ayoko naman na magmukhang sobrang bitter saka ayoko lang na mag-isip pa iyong iba kung ano iyong meron sa amin ni Lui if nagpa-transfer ako ng pwesto. I decided to just suck it up dahil ’di ko rin naman siya mapapansin once na magstart na iyong consultation. Mabuti na lang din at ’di niya na ako kinausap.

Good.

At least marunong naman pala siyang makinig sa ’kin.

Nang matapos iyong sa legal clinic, kinausap ko iyong mga kasama ko roon kasi baka may kakilala sila na sa litigation ang focus. Ayoko kasi talaga sa firm namin kahit maraming magaling na litigators don. Feel ko dagdag na utang na loob ko lang kay Lance ’yon. Nabaon na ako sa utang.

“Si Lui,” sabi sa akin nung kausap ko. “Alam ko sa litigation ’yan, e.”

Napa-tingin ako kay Lui na may kausap na babae. Mukhang ’di naman consultation iyong ginagawa nila dahil nagtatawanan pa sila. Buti pa siya may energy pang tumawa.

“Ah, pero magka-batch lang kami, e,” sabi ko na lang. “Sino pa dito?”

May iba pa silang binanggit na pangalan, pero either ka-batch ko lang o member nung iba pang big firm. Ayoko naman ma-issue kapag nakita na may kasama ako na from other big firms. Tsk. Si Tito na lang kaya?

“Lui, papa-turo ata si Tali sa ’yo sa litigation.”

Napa-tigil at nanlaki iyong mga mata ko nang biglang sabihin nung kausap ko iyon kay Lui na naglalakad lang naman. Lui stopped on his tracks. Naka-tingin siya sa ’kin. For some reason, kinakabahan ako sa sasabihin niya sa akin dahil baka gantihan niya ako sa sinabi ko kanina sa kanya.

“Wala ata akong matutulong,” he said with that smile on his face, but I knew him enough to know that it was not an earnest smile. “Top 1 ’yan, e. Sino ba naman ako,” pabiro niyang sabi na may halakhak bago kami iniwanan.

I just smiled at saka humalakhak din na parang tanga dahil ayokong mapansin nila na may laman iyong sinabi ni Lui. I stayed for a few minutes more dahil ayokong magka-salubong kami sa labas. Pakiramdam ko ay malapit na kaming mag-away talaga kapag nagtagpo pa ulit landas namin ni Lui.

Nung sigurado ako na wala na siya, dumiretso na ako pauwi. I wanted to just watch Netflix until I fall asleep kasi wala naman akong calltime bukas. Lunch pa kami magmmeet ni Alisha for reformer pilates.

But of course I couldn’t have peace.

“Hi,” I said when I saw Lance outside my unit. He kissed my cheek tapos ay may dala siyang takeout mula sa favorite restaurant niya.

Tahimik lang ako habang pumasok siya sa loob. I was wearing my nightgown earlier, but when I saw him outside my door, sinuot ko iyong kapares nun na robe. Hawak ko pa rin iyong wine glass ko dahil kailangan ko ata iyon tuwing kausap ko siya.

“Nagdinner ka na?” he asked.

“Yup,” I replied as I showed him my wine glass.

Kumunot iyong noo niya. “That’s not dinner,” he replied tapos ay nilabas niya iyong pagkain na binili niya. Hindi na ako nagsalita pa kahit ’di ko naman gusto iyong mga binili niyang pagkain.

I was just silently waiting kung anuman iyong pakay niya kung bakit nandito siya. Kasi lagi naman siyang may sinasabi sa akin na gagawin ko o pupuntahan ko kapag nandito siya—it was never just about him wanting to see me.

“I heard you’re leading a team in litigation?”

There it was.

“Yeah,” I replied. “Took you long enough to ask me about it.”

Naka-tingin siya sa akin. “What?”

I shrugged. “I’m interested in litigation,” I said, putting my foot down. “If you don’t agree with that, the door is that way,” I continued. It was probably the wine… but I found myself the bravery that I’d been looking for.

“Where is this coming from?” he asked.

“I appreciate you looking out for me, Lance, but seriously, I can decide what I want to do with my own career,” diretsong sabi ko sa kanya bago pa ako takasan nung lakas ng loob ko. “If I want to be in litigation, I’d be in litigation. Now, your options are to support me or to leave me alone.”

Hindi ko alam kung saan ako kumukuha ng lakas ng loob. Alam ko ma-pride si Lance… at hindi niya gusto na kinakausap ko siya nang ganito. Was I expecting him to break it off with me?

“All right,” he replied, brushing his fingers through his hair. “Litigation it is.”

Lumapit siya sa akin. He cupped my face with his hands and looked directly into my eyes.

“If you want to go in litigation, I’ll support you. Civil litigation—”

Mabilis kong hinawi iyong kamay niya. “Criminal litigation,” I told him. “Or honestly, whatever the fuck I want, Lance.”

I saw his jaw clenching, but he said nothing. Instead, he showed me a smile. “Of course,” sabi niya sa akin.

Naglakad ako palayo sa kanya. Nanatili lang siyang naka-tayo doon. Sumandal ako sa may kitchen counter habang naka-tingin lang sa kanya. Isang minuto ang lumipas bago siya humarap sa akin.

“I can let this pass, Italia,” diretso niyang sabi sa akin. He spoke in such a way na napa-tayo ako nang maayos. “But don’t ever try to speak to me like that in public,” he continued.

I could feel my heart beating quickly as he walked towards me. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang hinihintay ko na mangyari. Sobrang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko nang maramdaman ko iyong paghalik niya sa tuktok ng ulo ko.

“I only want what’s best for you,” he whispered in my ear as he planted a kiss on my cheek.

Lance didn’t raise his voice nor his hands at me… but I felt so disturbed that I had to drink myself to sleep. 

**

This story is already at Chapter 30 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 23

Chapter 23

I had already drafted my resignation letter.

Fuck Lance.

Kung pamilya ko nga, hindi ako kino-kontrol sa kung anuman ang gusto kong gawin, what right did he think he has to think that he could just make me do his bidding? Did he really think that I’ll just do as he says?

Fuck him and fuck my taste because obviously, I have shit taste in men! Kung hindi ako gino-ghost, controlling naman. At this rate, magta-trabaho lang siguro ako.

But I knew that I have to be smart about this. May ilang buwan pa ako sa trabaho. If I just ask him to leave me the fuck alone right now, I knew that Lance would make my work life a living hell. I just knew that he would. He didn’t look like the type who’d back off peacefully. He’d leave claw marks on everything he thought he owns. Hindi na rin ako magugulat kung isusumbat niya sa akin na nagtop 1 ako sa BAR dahil sa kanya.

God, isaksak ko sa baga niya ’yong top 1, e. Masaya na ako na pumasa ako. I am thankful for being top 1, but unlike him, I don’t make it my whole personality.

Tsk.

Buti na lang din talaga pumunta siya sa condo ko nung gabing ’yon. It was like for the longest time, I’d been trying to justify him in my head. Kasi may naitulong din naman talaga siya sa akin. But when he basically threatened me?

I saw him for who he is—a manipulative asshole.

Nakaka-walang pag-asa iyong mga lalaki sa paligid ko.

So, I’d just suck it up hanggang sa matapos iyong contract ko dito. Ilang buwan na lang din naman. The moment my contract’s done, I’m out the door. Wala naman silang masasabi sa akin dito dahil maayos naman akong magtrabaho. Lagi akong ahead sa deliverables ko. Hindi ako nagrereklamo kahit ang dami-daming ginagawa. Kung sisiraan man ako ni Lance after tapos maniniwala sila sa kanya, then that’s on them.

I’d just mind my own business until then.

“I’ll just go to the toilet,” I told Lance.

We’re in an event. Shocking. Sinabi ko na sa kanya na ayokong pumunta kasi unang court appearance ko sa Monday, but he told me that if I wanted to be a criminal lawyer, may mga ipapakilala siya sa akin na mga RTC and MTC justices. I really tried to tell him no, but the guy wouldn’t take no for an answer.

Lance gave me a small nod, but the look on his face told me na kapag hindi agad ako bumalik, susundan niya ako sa CR at hahatakin dito pabalik.

God, why did I ever think that he’s a nice guy?

Imbes na sa CR ako dumiretso, naghanap ako ng lugar kung saan makakalanghap ako ng hangin. I just needed to breathe. And think. And calm myself down.

“Great,” I mumbled to myself nang makita ko si Lui na naka-tayo sa isang gilid at naninigarilyo. Napa-tingin siya sa gawi ko nung marinig niya ako.

Normally—really, Tali, normally? As if things were ever really normal between the two of you.

But I knew that had I not told him off before, he’d start a small talk between us. Because that’s who he’s always been. He’s friendly—ako lang talaga ’tong naka-misinterpret sa ‘friendliness’ niya.

“May smoking area din don,” sabi niya sabay tanggal nung sigarilyo sa bibig niya at ginamit iyong kamay na ’yon para ipangturo doon sa kabilang dulo.

“If you don’t mind, I’ll just stand here for a while.”

Ibinalik niya iyong sigarilyo sa bibig niya. Naka-tingin lang siya sa akin at hindi nagsalita. Inalis niya iyong tingin niya sa akin at naka-tingin lang siya sa harapan namin.

He was a meter away from me. He probably saw me looking at him, but he offered no conversation. Naka-tayo lang siya doon at naninigarilyo.

“Can I bum you a cigarette?” I asked.

Still saying no word, kinuha niya iyong kahon ng sigarilyo at saka inabot sa akin. Sinubukan kong sindihan iyon, pero hindi na gumagana iyong lighter niya.

“Hindi gumagana,” I said while still holding the cigarette that was between my lips.

Lui turned his head to look at me. I thought he was gonna grab the lighter from me to check kung mali lang ba iyong pagbukas ko. Instead, nanlaki iyong mga mata ko nung lumapit siya sa akin. Idinikit niya iyong dulo ng sigarilyo niya sa sigarilyo ko.

Rinig na rinig ko iyong lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko dahil sa ginawa niya. I think I even stopped breathing because of how close he was to me na kitang-kita ko iyong kulay ng mga mata niya.

“You have to breathe,” sabi niya dahil tapos na siyang sindihan iyong sigarilyo ko.

I blinked. “R-right,” I said as I turned my head at saka nagsimulang manigarilyo. Fuck. For a second, nalimutan ko kung paano manigarilyo dahil masyado akong napa-tingin sa kulay ng mga mata niya.

Then there was silence once again between us. Naka-tayo lang kami doon habang naninigarilyo, but even this was more comforting than standing beside Lance the whole night while he basically paraded me around and let out a fake laugh whenever someone would point out how amazing it is na pareho kaming top 1 sa BAR.

And then my phone vibrated.

I was probably looking at the screen too hard na napa-tingin na rin si Lui doon at sabay naming nakita na natapos iyong pagtawag ni Lance sa akin. Fuck. Kailangan ko ng bilisan dahil baka sundan ako non at makita na wala ako sa CR.

But then he called again.

And when I didn’t immediately pick up, he sent a text telling me to get back already.

Hindi pa ako tapos sa sigarilyo ko, pero pinatay ko na iyon. I tossed it in the trash tapos ay tumingin ako kay Lui na tahimik lang na naninigarilyo at nanonood sa akin.

“Thanks,” I said. He just nodded at me. I guess this was how it’s gonna be now… Barely any words between us tuwing magkikita kami sa mga ganitong events dahil pareho kami ng IBP chapter. The only consolation I have is that once I eventually leave Lance’s claws, hindi na ako pupunta sa mga event ng frat nila.

I began walking at bumigat na naman iyong pakiramdam ko nung makita ko si Lance na nag-aabang sa akin. Did he really think I’d leave? He drove us here and told me to leave my purse in the car para siguro wala akong susi sa condo.

“Where were you?” he asked like a jail-warden.

“Naglakad-lakad lang,” I told him.

“Seriously, Italia, get your priorities straight.”

I bit my tongue. Just suck it in, Tali. Mawawala din ’tong talipandas na ’to sa buhay mo.

“Right. I’m sorry,” I just said to get it over with. The less I struggle with him, mas madaling matatapos ’tong gabing ’to. Sana talaga ma-assign siya sa kaso na sa Mindanao iyong jurisdiction para naman maka-hinga ako nang maayos.

I began walking when my eyes caught a reflection of myself on a mirror… tapos ay nakita ko na nasa likuran ko lang si Lui. He was looking at my retreating back habang bahagyang naka-kunot iyong noo niya. Did he hear how Lance talked to me? Did he think that I was such a push-over? Or did he think that I deserve to be treated that way? Kasi siya na rin ang nagsabi sa akin dati na ginawa niya lahat ng ginawa niya dahil hinayaan ko siya.

That whatever suffering I may be feeling, it’s only because I let people walk all over me.

Ang joke time ko siguro sa paningin niya.

I just go from one abuser to another.

’Di na ako natuto.

But whatever. I shouldn’t care too much about what he thinks of me. Alam ko naman sa sarili ko na aalis din ako dito. I just really have to do this carefully dahil ako lang din ang mahihirapan kung sakali. I should really stop letting other people decide for myself. I should really start doing what I want when I want it.

We got back inside. Lance introduced me to this one judge in MTC who made me feel so uncomfortable for some reason. But I just kept smiling and being polite because I didn’t want to cause any more trouble.

I was so thankful nung mag-Monday na dahil tuwing weekdays, hindi ako inaabala ni Lance dahil busy din siya sa trabaho niya. ’Di ko akalain na dadating ako sa puno na mas gusto ko iyong weekdays kaysa sa weekends.

Nung nakita ko si Lui sa may legal aid, I greeted him. I did tell him that we could still be civil. Wala namang masama na batiin ko siya dahil mas bastos kung hindi.

The whole day ended peacefully… siguro dahil naka-mute si Lance sa notification ko. Alam niya naman na nasa legal aid ako kaya may maidadahilan ako in case na sabihin niya na ’di ako sumasagot.

Napa-tingin ako sa gilid ko nang maramdaman ko na may naka-tingin sa akin. Napa-kunot iyong noo ko nung makita ko na naka-baba iyong bintana ni Lui. He was staring at me. I… rolled my windows down, too.

“I know it’s none of my business,” he began like he was on the defense in case I decided to tell him off again. “But… you should stop going with Lance to the events.”

Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya.

“You don’t need to network. You’re good on your own. People know that already.”

Bahagyang napa-kunot ang noo ko. What? Why’s he telling me this?

“I heard some of the members asking about you,” sabi niya sa akin.

“About what?”

Hindi siya nakapagsalita agad. “Just avoid them.” I arched a brow. “They’re not good people.”

“I know,” I told him.

“No, you don’t,” he said like he was restraining himself. “Just… do yourself a favor and skip the events.”

I wanted to tell him that that’s exactly what I wanted, but I couldn’t. It was like I was contractually obligated to cater to Lance’s whims hanggang matapos iyong kontrata ko sa firm. But I couldn’t tell Lui that. I didn’t want to be more of a clown in front of him.

“I should ask you the same,” I told him.

“It’s different.”

“You want the network.”

“Quite the opposite,” he replied. “I want them to leave me alone.”

“Funny way of making that happen.”

Diretso lang na naka-tingin sa akin si Lui… I thought I had already seen all sides of him… but for some reason, the look on his face threw me off.

“The only way they’d leave me alone is if I’d stay,” he said cryptically. “For old times’ sake, I hope I don’t see and hear about you again.”

**

This story is already at Chapter 31 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Curiosity was killing me.

Ano ba iyong meron sa frat ni Lui?

I mean, given naman na hindi mapapagkatiwalaan iyong mga tao doon. I know some of them and yeah, if you put me in a room with guys from that frat? I’d scream murder. But that’s because that’s me. Babae ako. Saka hindi naman nila ako member. Pero si Lui? As far as I’m concerned, you join voluntarily…

Tsk.

Nakaka-curious talaga.

I could always ask around naman, but I refuse to. Kasi kapag nagtanong ako sa iba, malalaman ko naman. Pero may malalaman na naman ako tungkol kay Lui. Baka maisip ko na naman na kilala ko siya kahit sa totoo lang, wala naman talaga akong masyadong alam sa kanya.

He’s always been a mystery to me—like a blank canvass… kaya siguro ako na lang din iyong nagkulay. I could make him into anything because I truly had no idea on what’s he really like. And even before when we were hanging out, he’s always kept me at an arm’s length.

What a mystery you are, Luisito Ruiz Valladares.

When Monday came, kabadong-kabado ako dahil sa first court appearance ko. I did my due diligence naman. Nagbasa talaga ako ng tips and techniques for litigation. Binasa ko lahat ng documents ko. I reviewed my arguments.

Theoretically speaking, ready ako… but gosh, my nerves!

Maaga akong dumating sa court dahil ayoko na ma-late ako. Ang unpredictable pa naman ng Manila traffic. Besides, nai-forward ko naman iyong deliverables ko kaya hindi ako kailangan sa office ngayon.

Naka-upo lang ako sa labas ng court. I checked the court schedule for today. Nakita ko iyong kaso na hawak ko. I felt this… excitement. Iba talaga ang litigation. Ito iyong iniisip ng mga tao kapag sinasabi na lawyer. Iyong pupunta sa korte at magsasabi ng ‘objection, your honor’ hindi kagaya nung ginagawa ko talaga na nagddraft ng pleadings.

I felt like someone was staring at me kaya naman napa-tingin ako sa paligid ko. Napaawang iyong labi ko nang makita ko si Lui na naka-tingin din sa akin. He was wearing a short-sleeved barong, black slacks, black loafers. May hawak din siya na brief case.

Alam ko na maliit lang ang mundo, but seriously? Ang dami-daming korte dito sa Maynila!

Naka-tingin ako sa kanya. I was debating as whether I’d be the one to break the silence or whatever. Para kasi kaming clown dalawa. Tuwing nagkikita kami, parang may bet kami kung sino ang may last word dapat. Tapos magtatagpo na naman ang landas namin.

Para kaming pinagttripan ng tadhana.

Lui didn’t say a word as well. Tulad ng ginawa ko, dumiretso siya doon sa may calendar. Nagcheck din ata siya kung nandon iyong kaso niya. And as he was doing that, napaisip ako nung mga panahon na nagrereview pa lang kami sa BAR. Tapos, nandito na kami? Hindi pa naman ganoon katagal iyong lumipas na panahon pero parang ang layo na namin.

Nang matapos siyang tumingin doon ay naupo siya sa kabilang dulo nung bench. Medyo mahaba iyon kaya magkalayo kami. Kami lang iyong tao dito. Ang aga pa rin kasi.

I tried to focus on reading, pero hindi ako mapakali dahil nasa paligid ko lang siya. I really tried to mind my own business, but after a few minutes, I gave in and told myself na sisilip lang naman ako.

Pero agad akong napa-iwas ng tingin nung sabay na nagka-tinginan kami. Ano? Curious din siya sa ginagawa ko? O baka naman nahalata niya iyong kaba ko? That must be it, right? Because after everything he did and said to me, impossible na may gusto siya sa akin.

Kasi kapag gusto mo, hindi mo naman sasaktan, ’di ba?

“What?” I asked.

“Tell the judge that this is your first court appearance,” sabi niya.

Napa-kunot iyong noo ko. “What?” I asked again, a bit confused sa sinabi niya na gawin ko.

“Kung ayaw mong masigawan,” sabi niya sa akin.

“Sa tingin mo masisigawan ako?”

Instead of answering, he just shrugged tapos ay tinanggal niya na iyong mga mata niya sa akin. Napaawang iyong labi ko. Nice talking, ah! I mean, sure, ako naman nagsabi sa kanya na hindi kami friends, but it’s getting annoying na ganito kami palagi. Buti sana kung once a year lang kami nagkikita, e.

“Should I really say that?” I asked him again.

Yes, may pride naman na ulit ako kahit papaano… Yes, as much as possible, ayoko siyang kausapin… Pero mas ayoko namang masigawan ng judge.

Sabi ko sa sarili ko, tutal medyo may pagka-bobo ako sa pag-ibig ata, at the very least, I’d make sure na maayos iyong professional life ko. Kaya nga tinitiis ko si Lance kahit minsan gusto ko na lang siyang i-headbang.

“Hindi ba mukhang cop-out?” I asked again nung hindi pa siya sumasagot. “Baka isipin ng judge na hindi ako prepared.”

Hindi pa rin tumitingin sa akin si gago.

Tignan mo ’to.

I grabbed my things tapos ay lumipat ako sa may bench sa harap kung saan siya naka-upo. Diretso tuloy siyang naka-tingin sa akin. I looked back at him. I crossed my legs and arched a brow at him.

“I’m asking here as a colleague, okay?” sabi ko sa kanya. “So, should I really say that? Like as a disclaimer?”

Lui was only looking at me. I pressed my lips together and waited hanggang magsalita siya. Ewan ko. Siguro kasi kahit papaano kilala ko naman si Lui? I mean, he might not like me romantically, pero kahit papaano e may pakielam naman siya sa akin.

Tumango siya. “They’d been in our shoes before,” he said. “They’d give you leniency kung first time mo.”

I quickly shut my smart mouth nung bigla kong gustong sabihin sa kanya na first romantic experience ko rin naman siya, pero hindi niya ako binigyan ng leniency nung nagpaka-tanga ako sa kanya. Tsk. Talent ko na ba talaga na sumbatan siya? Kaya ’di talaga kami pwede naming friends nito, e. Forever ko isusumbat sa kanya ’yong mga ginawa niya sa ’kin before to the point na hanggang ngayon, wala pa rin akong social media.

“Okay. Thank you,” I sincerely said because I appreciated him looking out for me.

He gave me a small nod. “You’ll be fine.”

“Wish me luck,” I said.

“You don’t need luck—you’re smart.”

Mabilis akong natawa, pero natigilan din agad ako nung nakita ko iyong pagkunot ng noo niya sa reaksyon ko.

“Sorry,” I immediately said. I pursed my lips together at saka inayos ko iyong pagkaka-upo ko. “All this time, I thought bobo ang tingin mo sa akin.”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “What? Why would you think that?”

I shrugged. Paano ko sasabihin sa kanya nung mga panahon na delulu pa ako sa kanya, I kept on making excuses to justify him avoiding me. Inisip ko na baka bobo lang ako kaya ayaw niya akong kasabay magreview? Kasi ang baba naman talaga ng mga score ko nung mock bar? O dahil masyado lang akong yolo sa paningin niya? O baka napansin niya na nag-aaral lang ako kapag kasama ko siya?

Lots of excuses I made up for him in my mind.

Grabe… queen of delulu pala talaga ako sa kanya.

“Did I do or say anything para—”

Mabilis akong umiling. “Never mind,” I said because I didn’t want to walk down the memory lane with him.

Ibinalik ko iyong atensyon ko sa mga documents ko. Susundin ko iyong payo ni Lui, but still, I’d do my best. Ayokong magkamali during hearing as much as possible. Still, I could feel him watching me. I was ignoring him. Work is work.

Napa-tingin ako nung dumating na iyong staff sa court. Tumayo si Lui. Baka siya iyong sa unang kaso.

“Italia,” biglang pagtawag niya sa akin kaya naman wala akong nagawa at agad na napa-tingin ako sa kanya. Nagtama iyong mga mata namin. “For the record, I never thought you were dumb.” Napaawang iyong labi ko. “You wear your heart on your sleeves, yes, but that’s never a bad thing.”

Hindi ako makapagsalita sa mga sinabi niya sa akin.

Lui grabbed his briefcase. Akala ko ay aalis na siya para pumasok sa loob, pero naka-tayo lang siya sa harap ko habang hawak iyong briefcase niya. Once again, I was gob smacked with the reality na abogado na kaming dalawa at hindi bastang law student na lang.

“You’re a quick learner. You’ll be fine,” sabi niya tapos ay tumalikod na siya at nagsimulang maglakad.

“Thank you,” sabi ko sa kanya. “…pañero,” dugtong ko.

Saglit siyang napa-hinto… at saka nagpatuloy sa paglalakad.

Lui and I couldn’t be friends… but it seemed like we’d get along well as colleagues. And maybe that’s what we should’ve been all this time.

---

I did as Lui told me. Sinabi ko sa judge na unang court appearance ko ’yon. I prepared well, but of course, I wasn’t expecting everything to go without a hitch. May mga mali ako na nasabi, pero hindi naman ako nasigawan kagaya nung kinatatakot ko. I was corrected, in the middle of the proceeding, but it was fine. Binigyan din ako ng mini lecture, but I appreciated that.

I promise to only get better and make the best of the opportunities that come my way.

Dumiretso na ako sa office after. I checked my new deliverables at sinimulan ko na magsulat ulit ng pleadings. But as I was doing it, I realized that as much as I was good at this, I didn’t enjoy this a bit. I was just doing this kasi trabaho ko.

I enjoy litigation.

It gives me the rush.

It challenges me.

Huh… tama na naman si Lui. Sa kanya ko unang narinig na bagay ako sa litigation. If it were not for him, baka nagpadala na ako kay Lance at talagang napadpad ako sa arbitration.

I should thank him… right? But weird naman if itetext ko siya… Saka na nga lang kapag nagkita kami. Sigurado naman na magtatagpo na naman iyong landas namin.

For the meantime, though, I was glad na finally ay may goal na ako sa buhay ko.

That I wasn’t just going with the flow…

That for once, I will be actively running towards the goal— my goal.

---

“What?” Lance asked nung hindi ako nagreklamo nung sinabi niya na isasama niya ako sa grand event nung frat niya.

I thought about it.

I had a few months left hanggang matapos iyong contract ko dito. Tatapusin ko na lang iyon tapos ay lilipat na ako ng trabaho. Maganda iyong litigation department sa current firm ko, pero hindi ako matatahimik dito dahil laging nakaaligid si Lance sa akin. I’d just finish my contract here peacefully and bow out.

And… I’d just slowly phase out Lance.

I mean, of course ayoko rin naman ng ghosting, pero ano’ng choice ang meron ako kung controlling siyang tao? He wouldn’t take no for an answer! Kahit nga pagtanggi ko umattend sa mga events ay ’di niya ako pinapakinggan, dito pa kaya?

Siguro ganito talaga kapag hindi tao ang tingin sa ’yo kundi pag-aari niya. Parang wala akong sariling desisyon sa paningin niya—or at least he didn’t respect me enough to listen to my decisions.

This was for the better kaysa pag-initan niya ako… because for him? He probably created me and my career. He wouldn’t let me go peacefully.

“Nothing,” he replied, shaking his head. “Just… a bit surprising.”

I just smiled at him.

Few more months and then goodbye and good riddance.

“Here,” sabi niya at saka inabot sa akin iyong credit card niya. “Buy yourself a dress and maybe shoes? I don’t know.”

Instead of saying thanks gaya ng inaasahan siguro niya, tumingin lang ako sa card niya tapos ay ibinalik ko iyong tingin ko sa kanya.

“I have my own money,” I told him with a sweet, sweet smile on my face bago ko siya sinabihan na lumabas na sa opisina ko dahil may kailangan pa akong tapusin.

Mabuti na lang at lumabas din siya. The next few days ay hindi niya ako ginulo. Nagfocus lang ako sa trabaho ko at ginalingan ko doon para wala silang masabi sa akin saka maliit lang talaga ang mundo namin. I didn’t want to burn any bridges that, who knows, I might probably need soon.

Lance told me to dress nicely as if naman nagmukha akong pangit sa harapan niya ever. But whatever. I didn’t want to give him much thought. Since it was a formal event, I decided to wear a floor length, backless red dress with spaghetti strap. There was also a slit up to the middle of my right thigh. I also wore my chunky hoop earrings, gold clutch, and gold strappy stilettos. Naka-red lipstick lang din ako at saka light makeup. I just straightened my hair na ’di na ata tumutubo dahil sa stress sa trabaho. I also decided to let my neck be bare by not wearing any necklace.

When Lance saw me, he tried to kiss me, pero madali akong umiwas. Mabilis kong sinabi sa kanya na baka mabura iyong lipstick ko. Naghahanap lang ako ng tamang tyempo, but in my head, we’re already done and over with.

Nang dumating kami sa venue, madami akong nakitang pamilyar na mukha. Iyong iba dahil nakita ko sa mga events, pero iyong iba ay dahil mga sikat sila na personalidad sa Pilipinas. I’d always knew how powerful Lance’s frat is… but seeing all these people gathered here?

Fucking terrifying.

“Shall we?” Lance said when he opened the door for me.

I looked at him, but then my eyes immediately went to someone else… who was looking at me without a care kung may makakita man sa kanya na naka-tingin sa akin.

Mabilis kong binalik kay Lance iyong tingin ko. Few more months and this shitshow will be over. I should focus on the goal. Besides, ang daming babae dito. Ang daming magagandang babae. I’d be fine.

Dumiretso kami ni Lance sa loob. As expected, pinakilala niya ako sa ibang mga tao. I was just polite, but I didn’t express any further interest that they might otherwise misread.

Ganon lang at paulit-ulit.

Then after a while, I had to excuse myself para pumunta sa CR, pero hindi pa agad ako nakaka-punta roon nang may humatak sa akin. 

**

This story is already at Chapter 32 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 25

Chapter 25

I thought I was going to die.

Hindi ko alam kung sino ang humatak sa akin. I used to think that I have survivor’s instinct at alam ko ang gagawin ko kung sakaling may masamang mangyari sa akin… but at that point? Nung biglang may humatak sa akin? I froze… at ang tanging nasa isip ko lang ay katapusan ko na at sana ay burahin ni Alisha lahat ng laman ng cellphone at laptop ko bago mapunta iyon sa pamilya ko.

“What the fuck, Lui?!” galit na sabi ko sa kanya habang hawak-hawak ko iyong dibdib ko dahil rinig na rinig at ramdam na ramdam ko iyong bilis ng ng pagtibok ng puso ko. I felt like I ran a fucking marathon dahil sa bilis non.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, seemingly more annoyed at me kahit na ako iyong biglaan niya na lang na hinatak papunta sa isang gilid.

Naka-kunot iyong noo ko. Hindi ako makapagsalita dahil hindi pa gumagana iyong utak ko dahil sa mga nangyari.

Instead of answering, I saw him with his jaw clenched and him running his fingers through his hair. He looked very visibly annoyed… mad, even.

“What are you doing?” balik tanong ko sa kanya. Habol-habol ko pa rin iyong paghinga ko.

Hindi agad siya naka-sagot. Naka-tayo lang ako habang naghihintay sa sasabihin niya. I held his gaze. Who the hell did he think he is para bigla na lang akong hatakin dito tapos ay hindi niya sasabihin sa akin kung ano ang kailangan niya?

“I told you,” sabi niya habang kita ko iyong malalim na paghinga niya na para bang kino-kontrol niya iyong sarili niya. “I told you to stay away from these people.”

I briefly closed my eyes and drew a deep breath. Right. He did tell me that. I knew that he was coming from a good place. I knew that as little as it was, he gave a shit about me. But still, he didn’t know what was going on in my life. Hindi niya naman alam iyong problema ko kay Lance at kung bakit ko ’to ginagawa.

“I appreciate the concern, but I’ll be fine,” sabi ko sa kanya.

“Why are you being stubborn?”

Hindi ko napigilang matawa sa reaction niya. Lumalim iyong pagkunot ng noo niya. Diretso akong tumingin sa mga mata niya.

“I am not being stubborn, Lui. I told you, I appreciate the concern, but I can manage,” sagot ko sa kanya.

Once again, I saw how his jaw clenched. Ilang beses ko na ring nakasama si Lui, pero ngayon ko lang siya nakita na nagka-ganito. Even when I was being a pest to him by clinging onto him, hindi ko siya nakita na magka-ganito. He was always… patient with me. To a degree.

So, why was he being like this?

“Can’t you just listen to me?” he asked.

“No,” I replied.

“Tali—”

“Look, I’m fine. Nasa party tayo. Maraming tao. I appreciate your worry and concern, but I don’t think they’ll do anything to harm me. We’re in a public place. And in no way bragging, but top 1 ako sa BAR. I don’t think they can do anything to me unless gusto nila ng malaking gulo.”

His lips were pressed into a thin line and his stares felt unfamiliar. It was like I could feel him controlling his breathing as he was staring at me with much restraint.

“You’re deluded if you think they can’t do anything to you dahil Top 1 ka sa BAR exam.”

Napaawang iyong labi ko. “What—”

“Tali, these people have done worse things—worse than you can possibly imagine,” sabi niya sa akin. “I was serious when I told you to stay away,” dugtong niya tapos ay tumingin sa akin. I felt as his eyes dragged from my face down to my feet. His jaw clenched once again at napa-hugot siya ng malalim na hininga. “And then you came here… looking like that…”

Suddenly, I felt very much aware that he was looking at me. May damit naman ako, pero parang gusto kong takpan iyong katawan ko dahil sa pagtingin niya sa akin. But then again, what for? Nakita niya naman na ’tong lahat.

“Are you seriously blaming me?” mabilis na sabi ko sa kanya para matabunan iyong kung anuman ang nasa isip ko nung tignan niya ako.

“Call me sexist or whatever, but I’d rather have that than—” sabi niya at mabilis na natigilan.

“Than what?” I asked nang hindi pa rin siya magpatuloy sa pagsasalita. “You keep on telling me to leave. I keep on telling you that I know what I’m doing. If you want me to listen to you, you have to tell me why. I’m not the same person who’d listen to you blindly,” diretso kong sabi sa kanya.

Walang nagsasalita sa pagitan namin.

Naka-tingin lang kami sa isa’t-isa.

“I… can’t,” he said after seconds that felt like forever.

“Okay, then,” sagot ko tapos ay akmang tatalikod, pero hindi ko nagawa nang hawakan niya iyong braso ko. I stopped and stared right into his eyes. “Your hand. Please.”

Hindi niya tinanggal iyong pagkaka-hawak niya sa akin.

“Just please listen to me.”

“No.”

“Tali—”

“I know what I’m doing—”

“You don’t—”

“Fuck off, Lui.”

Hindi pa rin niya tinanggal iyong pagkaka-hawak niya sa akin.

“Can’t you just trust me on this one?”

Hindi ko alam kung ano iyong ekspresyon sa mukha ko nang marinig ko iyong mga salita na ’yon na lumabas sa bibig niya. Really… trust him? After everything? Did he really expect me to just blindly trust him?

“No,” I told him.

“Tali—”

“If you want me to trust you, give me a reason to,” sagot ko sa kanya. “I’m not a child, Lui. I can make decisions for myself.”

“Tali, these people—”

“You are with them, Lui.”

“You don’t understand—”

“Then make me,” mabilis na sagot ko sa kanya. “Explain to me with words. Hindi iyong bigla mo na lang akong hinahatak at sasabihan na umalis. You don’t make any fucking sense.”

Hindi pa rin lumuluwag iyong pagkakahawak niya sa braso ko. It was as if he didn’t want to let me go. He nodded as he let out a deep breath.

“Fine, but promise me one thing first.”

“No.”

“Tali—”

“You don’t get any favors from me, Lui.”

Naka-tingin lang kami sa isa’t-isa na para bang tinitignan namin kung sino ang unang susuko. I could stay here all night. I would not bow down against him kahit na alam ko na ngayon ay hinahanap na ako ni Lance.

“You don’t love Lance,” biglang sabi niya.

Agad na napa-kunot ang noo ko. “What the hell are you talking about?” tanong ko dahil sa pagka-lito sa sinabi niya.

“You don’t love him. You won’t have a problem dumping him,” imbes ay sabi niya. Hindi ako makapagsalita. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang una kong mararamdaman… kung matatawa ba ako o maiinis dahil kung makapagsalita siya ay parang alam na alam niya kung ano ang nararamdaman ko.

“Wow…” sabi ko habang nakaawang ang mga labi ko. Kulang na lang ay pumalakpak ako sa harapan niya.

“You don’t have feelings for him, Tali,” he said. “I know how you look like when you have feelings for someone.”

It was like there was a lump on my throat.

Hindi ako maka-sagot sa mga sinabi niya.

“Please don’t associate yourself with Lance. He’s bad news. This whole frat is bad news. I know I’m with them, but it’s not because I still want to be here. I’m just… caught in the middle,” sabi niya sa akin. Lumuwag iyong pagkaka-hawak niya sa braso ko hanggang sa tuluyan na siyang bumitaw. “Gusto kong sabihin lahat sa ’yo… but, Tali, believe me when I say that I just don’t want you caught in the middle with me.”

He was just looking at me… and probably waiting for me to just blindly agree with him… kahit wala naman talaga siyang sinabi sa akin para maniwala ako sa kanya…

“No.”

I said that as I looked into his eyes. I knew what I was doing. I’d stay here in the party and then go home. I’d finish my contract and go work somewhere else. I would quietly leave my relationship with Lance and he would forget about me.

I knew what I was doing.

“If that’s all—”

Both words and air escaped me when Lui closed the distance between us and suddenly, his lips were on mine. Agad na nanlaki iyong mga mata ko sa gulat. Bumilis iyong tibok ng puso ko at nanlamig iyong mga kamay ko.

I knew I should push him away.

Hindi ’to tama.

I am still in a relationship with Lance.

But I couldn’t move.

All I could hear was the loud beating of my heart.

But I didn’t need to push him when I was yanked away from him and suddenly, I could see Lance’s eyes and the anger in them. 

**

This story is already at Chapter 33 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 26

Chapter 26

My mind had short circuited.

Sobrang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko.

Kitang-kita ko iyong galit sa mga mata ni Lance… and it was not like I could blame him. I am still his girlfriend. May karapatan siyang magalit sa nakita niya. I could say a lot of shit about him, but not for this. Girlfriend niya ako at walang karapatan si Lui na gawin iyong ginawa niya.

What was he even thinking?!

“Lance—” I said, on crisis mode. I didn’t want to be in the center of whatever this was. Not here, not now.

Pero ni hindi ko man lang nadugtungan iyong sasabihin ko nang bigla akong hatakin ni Lui papunta sa likuran niya. Kitang-kita ko iyong galit sa mga mata ni Lance. Walang ibang tao sa paligid namin. Kami lang iyong nandito. Lance had always maintained composure when there were people around us… pero ngayon? Ngayon na kaming tatlo lang ang nandito? I was afraid to see what he’s truly capable of.

“Don’t bother, Tali. The secret’s out,” Lui said.

Agad na napaawang iyong labi ko. “What… the hell—”

Lui stood in front of me as tho he was trying to hide and protect me from Lance. I didn’t know what game Lui was playing, but he’s just making things worse for me! Alam ko na masama si Lance sa paningin niya—ganon din naman sa ’kin but I actually had a plan in place! I knew how vindictive Lance could be. I just wanted to get out of this situation as amicably as I possibly could.

But he just had to start a fucking war.

And throw me right in the middle of it.

“It’s not Tali’s fault,” sabi niya habang naka-tayo pa rin sa harapan ko. “The blame is all on me.”

What the hell was he talking about?! Why was he talking as if we’re having a full-blown affair?!

Sinubukan kong umalis sa likuran niya, pero mabilis na hinawakan ni Lui iyong kamay ko. He held my wrist so firmly that it made me stop on my tracks. Without words, he told me to stay still. In my head, I knew that I should put an end to this madness, but my whole body betrayed me. Hindi ako maka-galaw mula sa likuran niya. I hid behind him like… what he was telling Lance was the truth.

That we’re having an affair.

And we got caught.

“Sorry you had to find out this way,” sabi ni Lui kay Lance. I saw as he tapped Lance’s shoulder and how that made Lance look murderous. Naka-tingin lang si Lance kay Lui. Hindi siya nagsasalita… but that made me even more nervous. Because at least with words, I’d know what was going on in his mind. Pero kapag wala siyang sinasabi? Wala akong ideya sa pwede niyang gawin.

Lui began to walk and he dragged me along with him. Ramdam na ramdam ko iyong panlalamig ng buong katawan ko nang lagpasan ko si Lance. It sent shivers down my spine kahit hindi siya naka-tingin sa akin.

Shit.

Paano ako sa Monday? Paano kapag nakita ko siya? May ilang buwan pa ako sa firm.

Habang naglalakad kami ay may mga naka-kita sa amin ni Lui. They all threw us looks. Of course they knew that I was with Lance! He’d tell that to anyone who’d listen. Kilala ako ng frat nila bilang girlfriend ni Lance, tapos ay makikita nila ako na hawak-hawak ni Lui? Of course they’d look at us!

Sinubukan kong tanggalin iyong pagkaka-hawak ni Lui sa kamay ko, pero kahit ano’ng gawin ko ay hindi niya binibitawan iyong kamay ko. I didn’t want to make an even bigger scene kaya naman naglakad na lang ako kung saan man siya papunta hanggang sa makarating kami sa labas.

“What the fuck is wrong with you!” I said with restrained rage as we stood side by side. If you’d look at us from afar, hindi mo iisipin na gustung-gusto ko ng itulak si Lui para masagasaan na siya. But I was trying my hardest to control myself. I didn’t want to center of even more attention.

“Not here.”

Napaawang iyong labi ko. “Are you being serious? After you kissed me in front of Lance!”

May huminto na sasakyan sa harapan namin. Lumabas iyong valet mula sa driver’s seat. Lui opened the door for me. I glared at him. He just looked at me. I gritted my teeth as I got inside his car. I begrudgingly put the seatbelt on.

Gustung-gusto ko siyang sigawan habang nagda-drive siya, pero pinigilan ko iyong sarili ko. I didn’t want to get in an accident—especially not because of him. Ang ayos-ayos na ng buhay ko tapos bigla niya na namang guguluhin? Did he get off seeing me in distress? Iyon ba iyong dahilan kung bakit niya ginagawa sa ’kin ’to?

Lui kept on driving. I bit my tongue to stop myself from talking dahil kapag binuksan ko ang bibig ko ay hindi maganda ang mga salitang lalabas doon. Hindi ko alam kung saan kami papuntang dalawa…

“Do you want anything?” he asked when we stopped in front of the Korean mart na pinupuntahan namin dati nung nagrereview kami.

“Yes,” I replied. “I want to know what the fuck’s going on in that fucking mind of yours.”

Instead of answering me, Lui unbuckled his seatbelt.

“Answer me,” sabi ko nung akmang bubuksan niya iyong pintuan.

“I will,” sagot niya. “Bibili lang ako ng tubig.”

“Answer me first.”

He turned his head to look at me. “Fine,” he said.

I had a lot of questions—hundreds of them… but at that moment, while he was looking at me, my mind went blank. Ni isa sa mga tanong ko ay walang lumabas sa bibig ko. Napako iyong mga mata ko sa mga mata niya. I hated the waves of memories came crashing down on me.

How was that even possible? We shared such a brief time together… pero ganito iyong epekto niya sa akin?

It’s like there’s a piece of me that he’d forever own… but that I’d die first before he learns about that. I didn’t want to give him that kind of power over me.

“Why did you do that?” I asked him.

Minutes passed bago ako nakapagsalita. I told myself over and over again to have better control over myself. This was Lui. Sure, he cares about me to an extent… but he cares about himself more. He fucked me over before—I had no doubt in my mind that he’d do that again. In a heartbeat. Kaya kung anuman ang ginawa niya ngayon, sigurado ako na para na rin iyon protektahan ang sarili niya.

“Because you wouldn’t listen to me,” sagot niya.

“Listen to what?”

“I told you—don’t attend any more events.”

“Dahil ’don? Dahil ’don kaya hinalikan mo ako sa harap ni Lance? At pinagmukha na may relasyon tayong dalawa?”

“Yes.”

He said that in a way that sounded like he had no doubt that he did the right thing. That in his mind, he saved me… from whatever it was that I needed saving from.

And perhaps he’s right… pero paano ako magtitiwala sa kanya kung wala siyang sinasabi sa akin?

“…why?” I asked because it was as if he wouldn’t bother to tell me why unless I asked. “And don’t give me a vague answer. You said you didn’t want to get me involved, but guess what? You got me involved.”

Lui was just staring at me. I told myself not to get distracted and not to think too much about how he looked right now. I didn’t want to think about how he looked so good while wearing a tux with his hair pushed back.

And how he smelled so good.

“Italia,” he called my name. I felt shivers once again. Hindi ako sanay na tinatawag niya ako sa buo kong pangalan. Para akong bata na pinapagalitan kapag sinasabi niya iyong pangalan ko. “I know you think you’re somehow… invincible,” sabi niya. “That they can’t touch you.”

I didn’t stand down. Nanatili akong naka-tingin lang sa kanya habang hinihintay siya na sabihin sa akin iyong dahilan kung bakit niya ginawa ’yon. Because in my head, it didn’t make any sense. Dahil dati, ni ayaw niyang makita kami ng mga ka-frat niya na magkasama… tapos biglang hahalikan niya ako sa harap ni Lance? Sa mismong event nila?

“But I’m telling you that they can—and they will.”

Napa-kunot ang noo ko at napaawang ang labi ko.

“…what?”

“Someone saw you… and liked you.”

Hindi ako makapagsalita.

“I didn’t want to tell you this and have you scared, but you don’t listen to me,” sabi niya sa akin. “I tried to be as vague as I could para hindi mo na malaman ’yung mga ganito—”

“Are you being serious, Lui?” mabilis na sabi ko sa kanya. “If what you’re saying is true, then all the more that I should know!” I told him through gritted teeth.

He looked at me. “I just didn’t want you to be jaded, Tali. You’re still so… innocent,” sabi niya habang diretsong naka-tingin sa mga mata ko. “I guess I just wanted to protect that innocence for as long as I could.”

Hindi ako nakapagsalita.

Hindi ko rin kasi alam kung ano ang sasabihin.

“I know you think they can’t touch you, but believe me, they did worse things to people you wouldn’t think it would’ve happened to.”

Nanatili akong naka-upo doon. I couldn’t say a word, but I couldn’t move as well. All I could think about was how I wouldn’t leave this car until I get answers to my questions.

“In this day and age… You think kaya nila akong galawin na walang nakakaalam?”

“Yes,” sagot niya.

“I’m from a sorority, Lui. I have lawyer relatives.”

“Doesn’t matter,” sabi niya. “This is an altogether different playing field, Tali. Have you heard about the rape case between the Ramirez and Esquivel from before?” dugtong niya. “If they can do that to them… do you really think they’ll spare you dahil lang top 1 ka sa BAR?”

That case? I vaguely remember reading about that one… It was such a huge case that at that time, everyone was talking about it. And how everyone was shocked when it ended in the suicide of the victim.

“They’re acquitted…” sabi ko habang naka-tingin kay Lui. “Are you telling me that they’re guilty?”

“Does it matter?” Lui replied. “They got out.”

My mind was a mess. Did Lui just imply that they planned on doing the same thing to me? That I would’ve ended up in the same situation as that?

“Did you think that Lance would’ve done that to me?” mahinang tanong ko sa kanya.

“You tell me,” sagot niya sa akin. “Because as far as I’m concerned, he would’ve sold you to the devil if it meant furthering his own agenda.”

Hindi ako naka-sagot.

Siguro dahil alam ko na tama siya.

Lance never cared about me… at least not in a way that he would’ve given any fucks sa kung anuman ang mangyari sa akin. He just saw me as this trophy that he could show-off to everyone who would look.

Tumingin ako sa kanya. “And… you think you can protect me from them?”

“Yes,” sagot niya. “Because they know I wouldn’t hesitate to drag them down with me if they tried messing with me—” sabi niya at saka tumingin sa akin sa paraan na para bang gusto niyang tumigil na ako sa paghinga. “Messing with us.”

For a second, it was like I forgot how to breathe… but I reminded myself to always choose me before anyone else.

“And why would I believe you?” sagot ko sa kanya. “You ditched me at my lowest, Lui.”

“I didn’t—”

“You did. I came to you. You called me pathetic. You just had to kick me while I was already down.”

Naka-tingin siya sa mga mata ko. “That’s not how I remembered it,” sabi niya sa akin.

“Then how do you remember it?” I quickly shot back.

“I remember being asked why I was in a different review center. I remember people breathing down my neck and constantly watching my every movement. I remember them telling me to go to Jury dahil nandon iyong ibang members ng frat. I remember the anxiety and stress I felt dahil hindi ko alam kung makakapagtake ba ako ng BAR dahil under review iyong application ko dahil sa pagsama nila sa akin sa may kaso na wala naman akong kinalaman talaga. O kung makakapagtake ba ako ng oath kung pumasa man ako,” diretsong sabi niya. “I’m sorry if I hurt you back then, but God, Tali, my life doesn’t revolve around you.”

**

This story is already at Chapter 34 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapte 27

Chapter 27

I dreaded the fact that after everything that happened this weekend, I still had to go to work. I had to. Hindi ako pwedeng biglang mag-awol. Hindi naman siguro ipagkakalat ni Lance iyong nangyari… although frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if he did. People would side with him—understandably so. I would be the bitch who cheated on him despite him helping me and basically kickstarting my career.

“What the hell!” sabi ko nung maabutan ko si Lui na nasa labas ng unit ko. Ganito ba ang pakiramdam ng inaatake sa puso?! Sobrang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko nang makita ko siya na naka-sandal doon sa may pader na katapat nung pinto ng unit ko.

He didn’t immediately say anything. He was just standing there. Mukhang papasok din siya sa trabaho niya dahil naka-formal attire siya ngayon.

“It’s just coffee, Tali,” sabi niya nang abutan niya ako ng paper cup na may kape.

It was a Monday morning. I had no energy to spare for him. Hinahanda ko iyong sarili ko sa kung anuman ang mangyayari pagdating ko sa opisina. Tinanggap ko iyong kape na hawak niya. Hindi ako nagthank you kasi ’di ko naman hiningi ’to sa kanya.

“What do you want? At bakit nandito ka?” I asked him because like energy, I also had to time to spare for him. Hindi ako pwedeng ma-late sa trabaho. Kung pagchichismisan man ako doon na malandi ako o cheater, at the very least, they should realize that my personal life may be messy, but I’m a professional pa rin pagdating sa trabaho ko.

Saka aalis na rin naman ako doon—konting tiis na lang talaga.

“You weren’t responding to my texts.”

“I blocked your number,” I told him.

I did.

Because I used to go crazy waiting for him to text me… Kahit siguro tuldok lang ang i-text niya sa akin, mabubuo na iyong araw ko. I used to spend my days wondering kung baka magbago ang isip niya tungkol sa akin.

I wasted days with wishful thinking of what could’ve beens.

So, I had to block him. That way, ang iniisip ko na lang ay nagtext siya pero hindi ko lang natanggap dahil blocked siya. That was way better than the reality na hindi niya naman talaga ako tine-text.

God, the things I bargained with just because he couldn’t like me the way I wanted him to.

“Right…” sabi niya. “Unblock me.”

I scoffed. “Why would I?”

“Because we’re dating now.”

“In your fucking dreams,” sabi ko sa kanya at saka ni-lock iyong pinto ng unit ko at nagsimulang maglakad. Umagang-umaga pa lang ay pinapainit niya na iyong ulo ko. I hated hearing that from him because I used to dream about him saying that. But he never did. Tapos ngayon ko maririnig sa kanya ’yan?

I got in the elevator. Of course sumunod siya. I just stood there and quietly waited hanggang sa makarating iyong elevator sa basement.

“We’re dating—as far as Lance is concerned,” sabi niya habang nasa elevator pa rin kami.

“Right. Thanks for making me the office whore.”

I saw how Lui’s jaw clenched with the remark that I just said. What? Tama naman ako. With the stunt he pulled, he just made me the office slut na hindi na nakuntento sa boyfriend niya at may boyfriend pa sa ibang firm.

“You know I had no choice,” sabi niya.

“Really? Iyong choice mo ay halikan lang ako sa harap ni Lance at iimply sa kanya na may relasyon tayo?”

“Yes.”

Thankfully, we reached our destination. Lumabas ako sa elevator, pero naka-sunod pa rin si Lui sa akin. Naglakad lang ako hanggang sa makarating ako sa may sasakyan ko. Naka-sunod pa rin siya.

“As long as he thinks you’re with me, he won’t touch you.”

“Yes, because you’re the invincible one,” I sarcastically replied.

I didn’t know what I was expecting him to say to me, but I was surprised when I saw how serious his face was. Bigla akong napa-tayo nang maayos. I slightly tilted my head up and faced him head on.

“I didn’t want you to be involved in this. You’re the one who dated that asshole,” sabi niya sa akin.

“And I wouldn’t have met him kung hindi mo ginawa sa ’kin ’yon dati,” mabilis na sagot ko sa kanya.

I knew I was pushing his buttons, but at this point, I didn’t care. I had all these things I wanted to say to him. Ang dami kong bagay na gustong isumbat sa kanya. Hindi ako nagkaroon ng pagkakataon dati dahil bigla niya akong iniwasan. Tapos kailangan kong magfocus sa review. And then I topped the BAR and had to choose the highroad because I didn’t want to be petty.

But I did want to be petty.

Gusto kong isumbat sa kanya lahat ng ginawa niya sa akin.

Na kung masakit siyang magsalita, kaya ko rin ’yon.

“You could’ve dated anyone,” he said.

“What can I say? I have shit taste in men,” I replied as I stared in his eyes and slightly tilted my head to the side.

I couldn’t read what was going on in his head. Naka-tayo lang siya roon at naka-tingin sa akin. Did he really think that I was in danger that warranted him going here in the first place? Sa tingin niya ba ay ibebenta talaga ako ni Lance sa mga ka-frat niya? Would that even be possible? In this day and age?

“No arguments here,” sagot niya sa akin. This asshole. “Unblock me,” he said before he turned around and left me there just after he effortlessly ruined my day.

---

I didn’t know what I was expecting when I got in the office. Did I expect them na lagyan ako ng malaking scarlet letter? Or to whisper as I passed by? They did nothing like that… but the way they all looked at me was enough.

Of course they knew about that.

Of course they’re talking about that.

Wala namang pumapansin sa akin sa opisina dati. The last time a lot of people gave me this much attention was when I topped the BAR. But that was positive attention. This one? This one made me want to go inside my office and hide.

I shouldn’t dahil wala naman akong ginawang masama. Hindi naman ako nagcheat talaga. But they didn’t know that. At kapag umarte ako na parang ako pa iyong nagmamalaki, mas lalo lang sasama iyong reputasyon ko dito.

I just needed to keep my head down until I finish my contract here.

Right.

That’s what I should do.

“Nasan na ’yung files dito?” tanong ko sa paralegal ko dahil hinahanap ko iyong files ko doon sa kaso na hawak ko.

“Pina-lipat na po sa litigation department. Focus na lang daw po kayo sa drafting kasi ang daming pending,” sabi niya sa akin. Napaawang iyong labi ko. What? Was she being serious? I spent a lot of time for that case! Naka-layout na lahat ng gagawin ko don. I knew how I’d win that case. That case is special to me dahil unang kaso ko ’yon at iyon ang nagpa-realize sa akin na gusto kong mag-litigation.

I was fuming on the inside, but I managed to control the expression on my face.

“Right,” I told her instead.

I just needed to keep my head down. Right. That’s what I should do until I could get out of this hellhole.

---

The whole day, I just stayed in my office as I drafted pleadings after pleadings. Nung lunch break, hindi ako lumabas. Ni hindi ako na-bully nung nag-aaral pa ako. ’Di ko akalain na kung kailan working na ako, saka pa ako makakaranas ng ganito.

“Grabe… ’Di mo talaga masasabi sa tao, noh?”

Wala pa silang sinasabi pero alam ko na na ako iyong pinag-uusapan nila.

“Ang bait-bait ni Atty. Serrano tapos gagawin sa kanya ni Atty. Hernaez?”

“True… Kawawa naman si Atty. Serrano…”

“Sana na lang din nakipagbreak na lang si Atty. Hernaez kaysa ganyan. Tsk. Akala ko mabait, pero nasa loob pala ang kulo.”

“Di ko talaga expected! Sabi nila siya pa raw galit nung nahuli sila ni Atty. Serrano na nagmmakeout don sa party pa mismo ng frat nila Atty. Serrano tapos ka-frat pa raw ni Atty. Serrano iyong kabit ni Atty. Hernaez. Grabe. ’Di na nahiya, noh?”

I knew I should just stay here hanggang umalis sila. They didn’t know what they’re talking about. Kaya lang naman sila nagchichismisan dahil hanggang d’yan lang ang kaya nilang gawin. Kaya kaya nilang sabihin ’yan sa harapan ko?

I opened the door. Kitang-kita ko iyong gulat sa mga mukha nila nang makita nila ako sa may salamin. I saw how the shock on their faces was replaced by fear.

“Careful with your words,” I told them as I washed my hands. “Slandering someone’s reputation is a criminal offense.”

I took my time with washing my hands and drying them. Naka-tayo lang sila doon, pero ramdam na ramdam ko iyong kaba nila. What? Ang lakas ng loob nilang pag-usapan ako tapos kapag sinabihan sila na pwede silang kasuhan ng slander, nawala na bigla iyong mga dila nila?

And I knew that I was just further flaming the fire by doing this but I couldn’t just stand idly while this was happening. Either magiging ashamed na cheater ako o proud one. Walang magandang choice! Sana mabulunan si Lui kapag kumain siya ng lunch niya!

Paglabas ko ng CR, dumiretso muna ako sa rooftop. Kailangan ko ng yosi para kumalma ako kahit papaano dahil uminit iyong ulo ko sa mga babaeng ’yon.

Pagbalik ko sa may opisina, sakto na nakita ko si Lance. He looked at me—and there was hurt on his face that was so convincing that for a second, I actually thought that he was heartbroken. Mabilis siyang nag-iwas ng tingin at saka naglakad palayo. I felt all eyes were on me.

Shit.

Hindi ko alam kung ano iyong pumasok sa isip ko nung sundan ko si Lance sa opisina niya. I got inside and closed the door behind me. He was just staring at me without saying anything. Tama ba si Lui? Kasi buong weekend ay walang sinabi si Lance sa akin. This was… so contrary to how I knew him. Akala ko ay susumbatan niya ako o kung anuman, but the silence on his end was making it worse.

I could take him being mad at me because I couldn’t care less about his opinion of me. But him weaponizing the people around me? This was harder.

“I’m sorry,” I told him.

Hindi ko pa rin alam kung totoo ba iyong mga sinabi sa akin ni Lui… But still, it couldn’t change the fact that Lance helped me be where I am today. He believed in me when I didn’t even believe in myself. Hindi ko kakalimutan ’yon. I’d always be grateful for that. I didn’t like being his girlfriend, but at the very least, I planned on ending things amicably with him.

“I didn’t want to end things like this,” I told him.

Naka-tingin lang siya sa akin at hindi nagsasalita.

“At the very least, I’d like to keep things professional,” I continued. Kasi alam ko na despite everything, Lance cared about his work and career.

“No,” he replied while staring directly into my eyes. I stared back as I bit my lips. “I made you,” he continued. “I could easily break you,” he added like it was a promise. 

**

This story is already at Chapter 35 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 28

Chapter 28

I had thankfully never been bullied in my life.

Nung elementary at high school, hindi ako na-bully dahil una, alam nila na maraming abogado sa pamilya ko. Subukan lang nila. Pangalawa, marunong naman kasi akong makisama. I mean, granted na maarte ako, pero I’d been told na hindi naman ako iyong tipo na maarte na nakaka-irita. I just like nice things, sue me!

Nung college at law school, okay din naman ako. I joined certain organizations. I made lots of friends. I flirted with lots of guys. I made some enemies, but it wasn’t that serious. I mean, how could it ever be serious kung sila lang naman iyong galit sa akin tapos ako, wala naman talagang pakielam?

I had never viewed my work life as my everything. It’s just something I do kasi parang kapag hindi ka naman galing sa generational wealth, required kang magtrabaho. I’m just doing what’s expected of me. I never viewed office as my home and the people here as my family. They’re my colleagues. I get that. Hindi naman required na maging friends kami.

But I was comfortable here.

Pumapasok ako araw-araw na alam ko na kahit maraming ginagawa, at the end of the day, these people have my back—at least professionally.

Not lately, though.

I felt like everyone’s out to get me and were intentionally trying to sabotage me.

“Atty. Hernaez.”

Napa-tingin ako sa nagsalita. Oh, at least kilala pa pala nila ako. Ilang araw na na para akong multo dito na hindi nila nakikita. Walang kumakausap sa akin. Kapag may ipapagawa sila, ibabagsak lang nila sa lamesa ko na para akong robot na required magproduce ng pleadings.

I didn’t know if Lance put them up to this o kumalat lang iyong ginawa ko sa mga chismosang paralegal sa CR. I guess ayaw na nila akong kausapin nung nagbanta ako na kakasuhan ko sila ng slander. I mean, petty na kung petty pero kung ’di nila ako papayagan sa litigation, ako na lang gagawa ng sarili kong kaso at maglilitigate non.

“What?” sagot ko sa kanya. I knew I sounded rude, but they were rude to me first. What? You want to be rude to me yet you expect me to treat you nicely? Baliw ka ba?

“Na-delay daw ’yung flight pabalik ni Atty. Sarmiento kaya ’di siya makaka-attend sa hearing niya.”

Naka-kunot iyong noo ko habang hinihintay siya na makarating sa point niya. So? Ano naman kinalaman ko kay Atty. Sarmiento? At sa na-delay niyang flight?

“Ikaw daw pumunta sa may court saka magfile ng motion for resched,” sabi niya bigla sa akin tapos ay tumalikod na parang… iyon na ’yon?

I tried to go after her to tell her na ’di naman ako iyong may hawak nung kaso na ’yon. I literally have no idea kung ano iyong kaso na sinasabi niya na irerequest ko na i-resched. Ang sinabi niya lang sa akin ay iyon lang daw ang instruction sa kanya.

Seriously? Sa firm na ’to na ang dami-daming lawyer na ’di hamak na mas may alam sa akin sa litigation, ako talaga ipapadala nila doon para magmotion?

But it was of no use.

Kinuha ko iyong files na iniwan niya sa lamesa ko. Dala-dala ko ’yon habang naglalakad ako sa hallway palabas ng firm. Ilang araw na rin ’tong nangyayari. Halos nasasanay na ako na tinitignan nila iyong bawat galaw ko na para bang ako ang pinaka-interesting na bagay sa firm na ’to. I ignored them all. Konti na lang at makaka-alis din ako dito.

Agad akong nagpunta sa may court kung saan gaganapin iyong hearing. Pagdating ko roon, ilang minuto na lang ang meron ako bago magstart iyong sa may kaso na pinapaayos sa akin. I sat there and still tried to browse through the documents. My heart was racing inside my chest—alongside with fuming.

I mean, I get it, galit silang lahat sa akin for some reason… and they wanted to sabotage my career. Okay, fine. I can handle that. I can justify that inside my head. But to do this? Ang ipaayos sa akin ’to despite knowing na wala naman akong masyadong experience dito? Ang gago lang kasi may madadamay na ibang tao kapag nagkamali ako.

So, I stood there and tried to absorb as many information as quickly as I humanly could. Para akong bumalik sa law school nung magsspeed reading ako sa mga cases para sa recitation namin. It was exciting and frightening at the same time.

“Okay,” I told myself when I saw na oras na para pumasok ako sa loob ng court. I drew another deep breath. “Nothing will happen. You’ll just ask for a re-sched. It’s fine. Walang ibang itatanong sa ’yo. Nagbasa ka lang just in case,” patuloy na sabi ko sa sarili ko.

Mukha na siguro akong nagha-hyperventilate sa paningin ng ibang tao dahil panay ang paghugot ko ng malalim na hininga. Kinakabahan lang kasi talaga ako. Sa school lang ako sanay na yolo at last minute preparation. Ang uncomfortable sa feeling kapag sa kaso kasi real life and real lives na ang naka-salalay sa akin.

When I got inside the court, rinig na rinig ko iyong kabog ng dibdib ko. Nakita ko sa kabilang side iyong opposing counsel. Mga kasing age siguro siya ng tito ko. Sigurado ako na sanay na siya sa ganito. Sana ’wag na siyang umangal sa motion ko.

“Good morning,” bati ng Judge sa amin.

“Good morning, Judge,” bati ng mga tao sa loob ng court niya.

Nagsimula ng basahin kung ano iyong nasa docket. I held my own hand to stop them from shaking. Hihingi lang naman ako ng re-sched. I needed to freaking calm down.

“Atty. Italia Reign Hernaez,” pagpapakilala ko tapos ay binanggit ko iyong IBP number ko at iba pang kailangang details. “Appearing as co-counsel for Atty. Reynand Sarmiento as well as for motion for postponement of hearing.”

Ramdam na ramdam ko iyong bahagyang panginginig ng kamay ko habang hinihintay ko iyong susunod na sasabihin ni Judge.

“Grounds?”

“Atty. Sarmiento, the primary counsel for this case, is unavailable this morning, Your Honor.”

“And so?” sabi niya habang diretsong naka-tingin lang sa akin. “You studied the rules of court, right, Atty. Hernaez?”

“Yes, Your Honor.”

“Is that a valid ground for me to grant your motion?”

I bit my tongue as I drew another deep breath. “Your Honor—”

“Atty. Santos came here today to try this case,” sabi niya sabay tingin sa opposing counsel. “He prepared for this case as should you, Atty. Hernaez,” dugtong niya. “Your witness is present with you today, am I correct?”

Sasagot sana ako na hindi nang biglang may nagsalita sa likuran ko at sinabi niya na siya iyong witness ko. What the fuck? Sino ’yon? Witness ko? Ha?

“The counsels and witness for both sides are present,” sabi ni Judge. “Motion for postponement is denied.”

Shit.

---

Ganito siguro ang pakiramdam ng isda kapag pini-prito sila. Ilang beses akong napagalitan ni Judge dahil hindi ko kabisado iyong case ko at saka medyo mali iyong mga grounds ko for objection. I was so fucking flustered. Nakakahiya!

“Atty. Hernaez,” pagtawag sa akin ni Judge nung matapos na iyong cross-examination.

Tahimik akong lumapit sa kanya. Papagalitan niya ba ulit ako? Round 2 ba ’to? Hindi ba pwedeng sa ibang araw na kasi pakiramdam ko quota na ako sa araw na ’to—o sa linggo na ’to.

“I hope you didn’t take what happened earlier personally,” sabi ni Judge. Bahagyang napaawang iyong labi ko. “As a new lawyer, it’s understandable to make mistakes, but it’s only okay if you learn from them,” dugtong niya. “And I hope you learned from today. Always come prepared.”

“Yes, Judge,” sabi ko sa kanya. Alam ko naman na kasalanan ko rin kung bakit napagalitan ako. I wanted to say na literally kanina ko lang natanggap ’tong kaso na ’to, but then again, so what? Magmumukha lang akong nagpapa-lusot.

Dumiretso na ako pabalik sa office kahit labag sa loob ko. I still needed to work and deliver all that’s asked from me. Pagdating ko doon, hindi ko na pinansin iyong mga naka-tingin sa akin. I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of seeing me down.

Pagpasok ko sa office ko, kinain ko lang iyong binili ko na food habang gumagawa ulit ako ng pleadings. Then I read the book on techniques on litigation especially iyong sa part ng objection dahil doon ako maraming mali kanina. I needed to be on my feet quicker. Alam ko na may mali sa line of questioning nung opposing counsel, pero laging mali iyong grounds na nasasabi ko kaya nasasayang iyong objection ko.

Iyon lang ang ginawa ko buong araw. Nung 5PM na, umalis na ako. Bahala sila d’yan. Naka-suot ako ng airpods habang naglalakad at dire-diretso lang ako hanggang makarating ako ng elevator. Tapos ay dumiretso ako sa pilates studio because I needed some calming down dahil iniistress talaga ako ng mga tao sa paligid ko. Buti na lang ’di na ako tiga-pagmana ng law firm kaya pwede na akong umuwi nang maaga.

The whole session was very calming. I felt refreshed. After nung pilates, umuwi na ako sa condo kasi ayoko naman na gumala pa ako habang naka-yoga pants at sports bra ako.

“Seriously? Ano’ng bagong address mo? Hallway ng condo ko?” sabi ko nung makita ko si Lui na naka-tayo sa harap ng pintuan ko. Mukhang kakadating niya lang kasi naglalakad pa siya nung nakita ko siya.

He turned around to look at me nung narinig niya iyong boses ko. I rolled my eyes when I saw how his lips slightly parted nung makita niya kung ano ang suot ko. Seriously… what’s with men and yoga pants?

But Lui quickly regained his composure—like always.

“Naka-block pa rin ako,” sabi niya sa akin.

“Yeah, so?” sagot ko sa kanya.

I continued walking at saka binuksan ko iyong pinto ng condo ko. I got in. Naka-tayo lang ako sa may pintuan habang nasa labas pa rin siya.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“What?” I asked back habang bahagyang naka-kunot ang noo.

“I heard about what happened.”

“About what?” I asked again. “Can you be more specific? Maraming nangyayari sa buhay ko,” dugtong ko kahit gusto ko rin talagang sabihin sa kanya na hindi rin sa kanya umiikot ang buhay ko.

“The hearing earlier.”

Lumalim iyong kunot ng noo ko. “What? Do you have people reporting my every movement o naka-livestream ba ’yung Court?” sabi ko sa kanya kasi paano niya nalaman ’yon? Kami lang naman iyong nandon saka staff ng court.

“No, of course not,” sabi niya sa akin. “Narinig ko lang.”

“Sure,” I replied. “But I’m fine. Iyon lang ba ang pakay mo? Sa susunod, i-email mo na lang.”

Medyo naiinis ako sa sarili ko dahil pwede ko namang isarado na iyong pintuan para mawala na siya sa paningin ko… But I didn’t do it. Naka-tayo lang ako at naka-tingin sa kanya. Mukhang galing pa siya sa trabaho dahil sa suot niya. Dumiretso ba siya dito para lang tanungin kung buhay pa ba ako o namatay na ba ako sa kahihiyan?

“I can help you,” he said while staring directly into my eyes. “I’m no expert in litigation, but at the very least, I know the basics.”

I stared back. “No,” I replied.

“Tali—”

“Thanks for the offer, but no.”

I was just so tired of people trying to take credits for the things that I work hard for. I acknowledge the help that Lance extended, pero tangina naman? Siya ba nag-exam? Siya ba iyong halos mahilo na sa dami nung kinabisado? I knew he guided me, but at the end of the day, I was the one who took the steps.

“Will you please reconsider?” tanong niya sa akin.

Hindi agad ako sumagot. Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya.

“Why?” tanging tanong ko sa kanya.

Hindi rin siya agad naka-sagot. Naka-tingin lang kami sa isa’t-isa. Naghihintay sa susunod na mga salitang lalabas sa bibig niya.

“Because you were right—if it weren’t for me, hindi mo makikilala si Lance. You wouldn’t be in this mess right now. Your life would have been a whole lot better,” he said and his eyes never left mine. “I just want you to be able to enjoy everything you’ve worked hard for, Tali. That’s my why.”

**

This story is already at Chapter 36 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 29

Chapter 29

‘Wow…’ I uttered to myself as I walked out of my office with a box in my arms. Ni hindi man lang nagpanggap ’tong mga taong ’to na mamimiss nila ako. Usually kasi ay may pa-party kapag may aalis na na lawyer. Sa stay ko sa firm, naka-ilang party ako na napuntahan at cake na nakain. Samantalang sa akin, ni cupcake wala man lang.

Thanks talaga, ha.

Kaya bago ako umalis sa office ko, naglagad ako ng note sa isa sa mga drawer ng papel na may naka-sulat na run. Kasi gago mga tao dito. Tsk. Ka-una-unahang work experience ko e nakaranas agad ako ng matinding office politics.

Bago ako umuwi sa condo, dumaan muna ako sa bakery para bumili ng cake. Kung ’di nila ako bibigyan, ako na lang bibili ng sarili kong cake. Pampalubag loob na lang talaga na kahit ang gago nila sa akin, at least may pera ako. Sabi nga nila, if I can’t have peace, I want money.

I was humming while walking on the way to my unit. Wala pa akong naiisip kung saan ako susunod na mapapadpad. Sinabihan ako ni Alisha na baliw daw ako dahil nagresign ako na walang backup plan. ’Di ko lang masabi sa kanya na kailangan ko munang gumawa ng due diligence para malaman kung saang firm walang influence si Lance. Mababaliw ako kung sa susunod na firm e ganon ulit mangyayari sa akin. Because if that’s the case, uuwi na lang ako sa probinsya at magnonotaryo.

Pero agad na napa-hinto ako nung makita ko si Lui na nasa tapat ng unit ko. It was not a surprising sight. Ilang beses ko na siyang nakikita dito dahil hanggang ngayon, blocked pa rin siya sa phone ko. He took me seriously when I told him na sa email niya ako kausapin. Mukhang tanga dahil mag-e-email siya tapos ‘Where are you?’ lang ang naka-lagay. Malapit ko na talaga siyang ilagay sa spam.

But what surprised me was that he was holding a cake.

And that made my chest constrict a little.

Cake… para sa cake lang, nagkaka-ganito ako?

Grabe. Kung hindi noodles, cake naman ang katapat ko—patay gutom ba ako?

I was probably staring a little too much dahil napa-tingin din siya sa gawi ko. That was when I noticed na hindi lang cake ang dala niya. May dala din siya na box ng pizza at saka chicken wings.

“Cake ba ’yan?” he asked, pertaining to the box that I was holding.

I nodded. I just nodded dahil hindi ako makapagsalita. Ganon ba kasama iyong loob ko na wala akong going away party sa firm namin na sobrang na-touch ako dito kay Lui?

“Bakit ka bumili ng cake—”

Pero hindi niya natapos iyong sasabihin niya dahil bigla na lang bumuhos iyong luha ko. I barely saw his face with the tears clouding my vision. Tuluy-tuloy iyong pagbuhos ng luha ko. It felt like the floodgates finally opened and for the first time in weeks, I was able to cry.

I felt Lui’s hands cupping my face. Nilagay niya siguro sa sahig iyong pagkain.

“Shit. Sorry. Ano na naman sinabi ko?” he asked using a worried tone.

“Y-yung pagkain,” I said in between sobs.

“Bakit ka umiiyak?” he asked instead, not worried about the food at all.

Ayokong umiyak sa harapan niya. I promised myself before that never would I cry in front of him again. That whatever I might be feeling, I would have to hold it in whenever he’s in front of me. That he doesn’t get to see me that way again. Na iiyak na lang ako kapag mag-isa na ako at walang ibang makaka-kita sa akin.

I didn’t have to be strong all the time—I just have to appear strong all the time.

But when I saw him holding a box of cake for me?

When I felt like everyone else didn’t give a shit about me anymore?

I just… lost it.

Hindi ako makapagsalita. May lumabas na tenant sa ibang unit at napa-tingin sa aming dalawa. They probably thought that we’re having some lover’s quarrel. Lui asked me for the keys. Binuksan niya iyong unit ko at pumasok kami doon. He guided me hanggang nasa couch na ako. He moved like he knew every corner of my unit—and he probably did kasi nandito siya lagi dati. He got me a glass of water and handed it to me. Naka-upo lang siya sa tabi ko at pinapanood ang bawat galaw ko.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked. Umiling ako. “Okay,” he said. “Gutom ka na ba?” Tumango ako.

Naka-upo lang ako doon habang inayos ni Lui iyong lamesa. Nilagay niya iyong pizza at wings sa may lamesa. Binuksan niya iyong dalawang box ng cake. Iyong cake na dala niya ay maliit na bilog na ube cake. I remember mentioning it once to him tapos naalala niya… habang iyong cake ko naman ay bento cake na pinalagyan ko ng simpleng message na ‘Sorry for your loss (me)’ na dedication.

“Bigay sa ’yo sa office?” he asked, probably just making a small talk, but it just made me cry yet again.

Lui just waited for me. Inabutan niya ako ng tubig at saka tissue. Baliw na siguro ako sa harapan niya dahil kanina pa ako umiiyak. Akala ko talaga ay okay lang ako dahil alam ko naman na wala akong kasalanan at ’di ko deserve iyong alienation na ginawa sa akin sa office… but I wasn’t okay.

It was mental torture.

“Sorry,” I said in between sobs and in between me wiping my tears away. “Kain na tayo, please.”

We ate in silence. I could feel Lui’s stares but I tried my best to avoid his gaze. Tahimik akong kumain ng pizza at saka wings. He barely touched his food and was just watching me—probably waiting for me to bawl my eyes out again.

“It really is their loss,” sabi niya habang nilalagay niya sa gitna ng cake iyong maliit na kandila at saka sinindihan iyon. He looked at me and gave me a small smile. “The best is yet to come, Atty. Hernaez.”

I tried to smile back at him while holding the tears back. Hinipan ko iyong kandila tapos ay inabutan ako ni Lui ng maliit na tinidor. Sinimulan kong kainin iyong cake. I focused my attention on that while trying to ignore Lui’s stares. He probably wanted to ask again kung bakit ako umiiyak… o baka alam niya na? Kasi bakit siya nandito?

“Pano mo nalaman na ngayon iyong last day ko?” I asked him, unable to contain my curiosity. Alam ko na nabanggit ko na sa kanya na magreresign ako. Hindi na rin naman ako tinanong pa kung saang department ako magpapalipat. It was more of a… formality. I didn’t ask them to choose between me and Lance, but they still made a choice.

Whatever. I’ll work really hard hanggang talagang masabi ko talaga sa kanila iyong ‘I’m sorry for your loss.’

“I have friends everywhere,” sagot niya lang.

“Right,” I said, instead. He’s right, though. He’s from a frat. Kung ano ang koneksyon ni Lance, for sure meron din siya. And he’s been telling me na hanggang kami pang dalawa (at least as far as Lance’s concerned, walang mangyayari sa akin). Which, to an extent, was true… ’Di naman siguro sinabihan ni Lance iyong buong firm na ’wag akong kausapin. Nagsimula siguro talaga ’yon nung sinabihan ko na kakasuhan ko ng slander iyong mga chismosa sa CR.

“I’ll email you a list,” sabi niya.

“Of what?”

“Job prospects,” sabi niya. Magsasalita pa sana ako, kaso ay inunahan niya na ako. “Lance doesn’t have influence everywhere. I already vetted those places, Tali,” he continued like he could read what’s on my mind. “They’re all very eager to have you in their roster.”

Hindi ako nagsalita. I tried my best, really, but lately, I felt like a fucking joke in the law community. Sa akin lang siguro nangyari iyong co-counsel ako sa maraming kaso na hindi ko alam. The first few times that happened, I tried really hard, but I would oftentimes make mistakes dahil ’di ko kabisado iyong kaso.

“Salamat sa pampalubag-loob,” sabi ko na lang sa kanya.

“What? Hindi pampalubag-loob ’yon,” sabi niya sa akin.

“Sure.”

“If you suck, I’ll tell you that you suck.”

Bahagyang napaawang iyong labi ko. “Wow.”

He shrugged. “I’ve known you for a while now, Tali. Coddling doesn’t really work for you. You need honesty—and honestly, you can handle it.”

I just stared at him. He looked at me like he knew what I wanted to say. Perhaps he’s right that he could read me and what’s on my mind.

“Kaya mo ’yon ginawa dati?” I asked, unsurprisingly.

“Yes. Because you refused to leave in peace.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

I was looking at him. I bit my tongue, stopping myself to ask him kung kahit papaano, nagustuhan man lang ba niya ako dati? Kahit konti lang? Or was it really just for fun? That on his end, was it really all casual?

Alam ko na baka masaktan lang ako sa isasagot niya… but wasn’t today the perfect time to get hurt? Some more? Para at least kung masasaktan man ako sa sagot niya, kung iiyak man ako, at least isang iyakan na lang sa lahat ng sama ng loob ko.

“May tanong ako,” sabi ko habang naka-tingin ako sa mga mata niya. “Yes or no lang. Hindi mo kailangang mag-explain o kung anuman.”

Naka-tingin lang din siya sa akin. Baka alam niya na kung ano iyong itatanong ko. He probably thought that I was relentless… and I was. Isa ’to sa mga tanong na hindi ako matatahimik hanggang ’di ko nalalaman ang sagot.

“Did you like me before? Romantically? Or was it really just casual for you?”

Ramdam na ramdam ko iyong panlalamig ng katawan ko habang hinihintay ko iyong sagot niya. Halos hindi ako maka-hinga habang naghihintay ako sa sagot niya.

“Dalawang tanong ’yon,” sagot niya sa akin.

“Right. Iyong isa—”

“Yes. For both,” he said, cutting me off.

I didn’t know what to feel. Should I be… happy? That he liked me romantically? Or be… sad? That it was just a casual thing for him?

“Of course, I liked you—what’s not to like?” diretsong sabi niya habang naka-tingin sa akin. “But I never wanted anything serious then, Tali. A lot of things were happening. I couldn’t focus on just one thing.”

I pursed my lips and just nodded to everything he’s saying. Tama naman kasi siya. Casual lang naman talaga kami dati. ’Di naman niya kasalanan na nag-expect ako.

“I should’ve left the moment I realized you like me but…” he trailed off. I didn’t want to look at him, but it was like there was a magnetic pull that was making me look him in the eyes. “I had always been selfish. So, I stayed. And basked in your attention. And made myself feel good. Even though at that time, I knew I couldn’t give you what you wanted.”

**

This story is already at Chapter 37 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 30

Chapter 30

I didn’t know where we’ll go from here.

He liked me, but didn’t like me enough—that’s what I was getting. Was I disappointed? Yes. Was I mad? No. I didn’t want to put all the blame on him when I was a willing participant. Lui never coerced me to do anything that I didn’t want.

Do I still like him? Maybe.

Will I do anything about it? No.

I already made a clown of myself in front of him before. Tama na ’yon. For now, I have other things going on in my life kagaya nga ng sabi niya. I’d rather pour my attention and energy into that. But for the meantime, I gave myself time to breathe. Para kasing wala akong pahinga simula nung fourth year law school. Kasi pagkatapos non, nagreview na agad ako. Tapos nagtrabaho na ako. I didn’t have time to really enjoy anything.

Hindi ko pa nasasabi sa pamilya ko na nagresign ako. Hindi ko pa rin kasi alam kung ano iyong next step ko professionally. Kaysa i-stress-in ko sila sa mga ganap sa buhay ko, I decided na mag-eat, pray, love muna sa Bali for a week. I didn’t really tell anyone but Alisha kasi in case na hanapin ako ng nanay ko, alam ko naman na si Alisha ang una niyang tatanungin.

I was busy packing for my trip to Bali. Tinatamad akong magluto, so I decided to just order food. Nung makita ko na malapit na iyong delivery, lumabas na ako para salubungin si kuya sa lobby. As much as possible talaga, nauuna akong bumaba kapag may delivery. Alam ko kasi feeling ng naghihintay, so ayoko lang paghintayin mga nagdedeliver.

“Seriously… May unit ka na ba dito?” I asked nung pagbukas ng elevator ay mukha ni Lui iyong bumungad sa akin.

Instead of answering with his usual annoying response, napansin ko na bahagyang napaawang iyong labi niya nung makita niya iyong suot ko. I wanted to feel conscious, but why would I? Hindi ako nagpapaka-hirap mag workout at pilates para itago ang katawan ko.

I snapped my fingers in front of his face para mahiya naman siya. I saw him straightening his back tapos ay tumingin siya sa akin. Seriously? Parang nakita na ako ni Lui in all scenarios—nakita niya na akong naka-club outfit, naka-workout outfit, naka-formal outfit, naka-birthday suit… Baka nagulat lang siya sa suot ko na super short shorts at maluwag na white t-shirt. Why? Nag-aayos lang ako ng gamit saka kukuha lang naman ako ng pagkain sa ibaba.

“Bakit ka na naman nandito?” I asked him. Maybe I should start to unblock him kaysa nandito siya lagi para maka-usap ako.

“San ka pupunta?” sagot niya na malayo sa tanong ko.

Lui’s reflex was quick dahil mabilis niyang napigilan iyong elevator nung sasara na sana iyon.

“Sa baba,” I told him. “What?” I asked nung napa-kunot iyong noo niya.

“Ano’ng gagawin mo ’don?” he asked while still holding the door open.

“May order ako na food.”

“Ano?” he asked and he asked again hanggang sa sabihin ko na kung ano iyong pagkain na inoder ko. “Ako na lang kukuha,” he said. I tried to argue na may paa naman ako, but he gently pushed me out of the elevator tapos ay mabilis na nagsara na iyon.

What the hell was his problem again?

Bumalik na ako sa may condo ko. Mamayang gabi na iyong alis ko papunta sa Bali. Last minute packer talaga ako, but if may kulang, pwede naman akong dumaan sa mall mamaya or bumili na lang ako doon.

After a few minutes ay naka-rinig na ako ng katok sa pinto. I opened the door and I saw Lui holding my food. I grabbed the paperbag from his hands.

“Won’t you invite me in?” he asked nung makuha ko na iyong pagkain.

“No,” I said. “Busy ako.”

He’s obviously taller than me, so he just had to look over me and saw na nasa sahig iyong luggage ko. It was just a cabin-sized luggage since puro bikini lang naman iyong dala ko, travel sized toiletries, makeup, and some accessories. I didn’t bring my laptop with me. I was giving myself a vacation that I badly needed to have.

“You’re going somewhere?” he asked.

“Yup.”

“Where?”

“Bali,” sagot ko sa kanya. “Honestly, busy ako ngayon. You can annoy me some other time.”

Sinubukan kong isara iyong pinto, but Lui stopped me from doing that. I really tried to close the door, but he stopped me so effortlessly. Lui’s tall, but he’s not really like built-built… kaya minsan nagugulat talaga ako na ang lakas niya pala. I mean, back when we were still doing whatever, he’d literally pick me up like I weighed nothing.

Ugh.

Why was I thinking about that?

“Can I stay for a while? Traffic pa ngayon. Maiipit ako sa traffic.”

“It’s 6PM. Tapos na rush hour.”

“Friday ngayon,” sabi niya.

“So?”

“Matagal iyong rush hour.”

“What the hell are you talking about? Also, sa BGC ka lang naka-tira,” sabi ko sa kanya dahil kailangan ko na talagang mag-ayos ng gamit. ’Di ko pa nahahanap kung nasan ’yung sunblock ko.

But Lui didn’t seem like he’s in the mood to leave me the hell alone kaya naman binuksan ko na lang iyong pinto para matapos na iyong usapan.

He made himself feel at home habang dumiretso ako doon sa may dining table para kumain. I was eating. I glanced his way and saw that he was staring at something. Napa-tingin din ako sa tinitignan niya at napa-kunot ang noo ko nung makita ko siya na naka-titig sa mga bikini ko na naka-kalat pa sa may luggage ko.

This freaking weirdo.

“Tali,” he called habang naka-tingin pa rin siya doon. Hindi niya siguro na-realize na nakikita ko siya na naka-titig sa bikini ko.

“What?”

“Ito na ’yung lahat ng dadalhin mo?”

“Yes.”

“I… don’t see any clothes.”

“I’m going to Bali. Ano’ng ineexpect mo? Magpapajama ako don?”

“No, but—” sabi niya tapos napa-tigil. “Yeah. Bakit walang pantulog dito?”

I shrugged. “I’ll probably sleep naked. I don’t know,” I told him.

Nakita ko na napaawang iyong labi niya. I rolled my eyes. He’s probably imagining me sleeping naked. Plus, what’s with the reaction? It’s not like he needed to imagine me naked—he’s literally seen me naked.

“Are you going with Alisha?” he asked after a while.

“Nope.”

“Sino’ng kasama mo?”

“Wala.”

“Wala?”

“Yup. Solo trip.”

Ibinalik ni Lui iyong tingin niya sa luggage ko. Bumalik ako sa kinakain ko. Ang sarap naman nito. Maka-order nga ulit pagbalik ko.

“Won’t you bring any cover ups?” bigla niyang tanong.

“Maybe,” sagot ko. “It’s Bali—everyone’s gonna be in bikini.”

“Ano’ng oras flight mo?”

“11PM.”

Bahagyang napa-kunot ang noo niya. “May connecting ka?”

Umiling ako. “Nope. Direct flight.”

“Madaling-araw ang dating mo ’don?” he asked.

“Yes.”

Lui pursed his lips and his forehead was slightly creased. Ngayon ko lang ata nakita iyong ganitong itsura niya. Napa-titig din tuloy ako sa kanya. It was like I could hear the gears running inside that head of his.

Akala ko ay magsstay pa siya kaso lang ay tumayo na rin siya. He just told me that he’s leaving at nagmamadali siya na umalis. That freaking weirdo.

---

Pinagpatuloy ko na iyong pagpapack ko ng gamit. I’d be there for five days. I mostly brought bikinis in different shapes and colors. Nagdala na rin ako ng oversized polo for cover up. I also brought 3 oversized shirt para pantulog ko. Nagdala na rin ako ng sunglasses, baseball cap, slippers, at saka iyong The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo na hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko matapos-tapos. Hopefully ay matapos ko na siya ngayon.

At around 8PM, dumiretso na ako sa airport. Medyo mahaba lang iyong pila sa immigration, but wala namang masyadong tanong sa akin. Buti na lang ’di na ako inask pa about work ko after kong sabihin na nagresign na ako at nasa healing stage ako.

I got in early. After I saw kung nasaan iyong gate ko, umalis muna ako para maghanap ng coffeeshop. I got myself iced americano with double shot espresso. It’s gonna be a long day for me plus ayokong matulog sa plane and ayoko namang matulog during airport transfer kahit naka-prepare naman na lahat.

I stayed in the coffeeshop for a while. I was just quietly reading my book and enjoying my coffee hanggang sa mag-alarm na iyong phone ko, signaling na kailangan ko ng pumunta sa gate for the boarding.

Pumila na agad ako for boarding kasi kailangan ko ng cabin space para sa bag ko. I got in the plane and made myself comfortable in my seat habang papasok pa iyong ibang mga kasabay ko sa flight. I wanted to close my eyes for a while, but I couldn’t kasi baka biglang may bumagsak na luggage sa mukha ko at ’di ako maka-iwas. So, I was just listening to music while watching the people as they get in.

But then my eyes widened when I saw a familiar face.

I kept on closing and opening my eyes to check kung tama ba iyong nakikita ko o meron na ba akong coffee-induced hallucination because… what the hell?

“Sinundan mo ba ako?!” medyo malakas na pagkakasabi ko kaya naman may mga napa-tingin sa paligid namin.

Instead of answering, tumingin siya sa may babae sa tabi ko. Lui gave her a smile—iyong smile na ginamit niya sa akin dati para mapa-sunod niya ako mula sa club papunta sa condo niya. This devil!

“Hi,” panimula niya doon sa may babae. The girl looked like she was in trance. “Can we switch seats?” he asked her.

The girl didn’t even ask any explanation kung bakit magpapalit silang dalawa, but she just said yes. What the? Seriously? Iyon na ’yon?

I watched as the girl stood up from the middle seat. Lui put his bag doon sa cabin at para akong teenager na napa-iwas ng tingin nung biglang tumaas iyong shirt niya. Seriously, Tali? Nakita mo na ’yan? What’s with the reaction?

“Buti naka-damit ka,” sabi niya habang naupo siya sa tabi ko at sinuot iyong seatbelt. “Akala ko sasakay ka dito ng naka-bikini.”

I looked at him and made face. “This is seriously stalking.”

“Why? Ikaw lang pwedeng pumunta sa Bali?”

“Wala ka bang trabaho?”

“Friday ngayon.”

“So? Balak mo akong sundan hanggang weekdays?” sabi ko sa kanya kasi hanggang Tuesday pa ako doon.

He shrugged. “Work from Bali,” he replied.

“Seriously, Lui, what are you doing?” seryosong tanong ko sa kanya kasi hindi ko na rin maintindihan kung ano ang gusto niyang mangyari. Like, fine, we’re in a relationship as far as Lance is concerned. He’s helping me find another work kasi pakiramdam niya napaalis ako sa work ko dahil sa kanya. Fine, I could justify that in my head…

But this?

This was a bit too much para lang sa tao na nakokonsensya.

“Honestly, I don’t know, and I frankly don’t want to think about it too much,” he said as he rested his head against my shoulders and closed his eyes. “It’s been a long day, Tali. I’ll take a nap first.”

Napaawang iyong labi ko sa gulat dahil talagang natulog siya habang naka-sandal sa balikat ko! His lips were slightly parted and I could hear his light breathing. Kitang-kita ko iyong tangos ng ilong niya at iyong haba ng pilik-mata niya.

Ugh.

Fine, gwapo talaga. Hindi ko masisi iyong sarili ko na nabaliw ako. I mean, at the very least, nabaliw ako sa gwapo. Iyon na lang pampalubag-loob ko siguro.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal na naka-titig kay Lui nung mapansin ko na naka-tingin din iyong babae sa may aisle seat sa kanya. Bastos na babae ’to, ah. I mean, ’di ko boyfriend si Lui, pero kita ng naka-sandal sa balikat ko? For all she cared, boyfriend ko ’to tapos tititigan niya? So, I stared at her. Mabuti na lang at nahiya kaya nag-iwas ng tingin.

Mukhang balak lang ni Lui matulog buong flight kaya naman nakinig na lang ako sa tugtog. I didn’t want to sleep, too, but for some reason, I fell asleep… dahil nagising ako na naka-sandal na rin iyong ulo ko sa may ulo ni Lui.

My heart began to race at the realization that I was, once again, on the freaking edge. And then I began to panic and think about how I’d fucking survive this whole Bali trip with him… 

**

This story is already at Chapter 38 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 31

Chapter 31

“I never thought you could be this impulsive,” sabi ko sa kanya habang sabay kaming naglalakad sa may airport. Kinuha sa akin ni Lui iyong cabin luggage ko. Pinatong niya doon iyong duffel bag na dala niya at saka siya iyong nagtulak non. ‘So boyfriend’ was the first thought that popped in my head, but I immediately squashed that thought. I didn’t want to be delulu in front of him again!

I mean, I could be denial all I want, but goddamn, obvious naman kahit sa akin na may feelings pa rin ako kay Lui… but I’d seriously smack myself kung hahayaan ko na naman iyong sarili ko na maging tanga sa harapan niya.

He wants me? Work for it.

“What?”

“Bigla ka na lang pupunta dito sa Bali. ’Di mo ba naisip na may work ka?”

“I can work and have fun,” sagot niya sa ’kin. “And it’s not like I ditched my work. Weekend ngayon.”

“So? Hanggang Tuesday pa ako dito. Susundan mo ako dito hanggang Tuesday?”

Instead of answering, he just gave me a shrug. Tsk. Hindi ko talaga siya maintindihan. Gets ko pa iyong sa Manila na bigla siyang sumusulpot sa harapan ko, pero lagi naman ’yong after work. Saka ’di ko kasi talaga siya nirereplyan kaya wala siyag choice kundi magpaka-stalker sa akin.

But this?

Following me to another country?

Lui must have lost his goddamned mind.

After we’re done with the immigration, palabas na kami ng airport. He was just walking without a care in the world. He’s wearing a black cargo shorts na hanggang gitna lang ng legs niya at saka white polo na unbuttoned iyong unang tatlong butones kaya kitang-kita ko iyong silver na kwintas niya.

Ugh.

“Lui,” I called nung nasa labas na kami kasi nakita ko na iyong airport transfer ko papunta sa may hotel na ni-rent ko. “Nandito na ’yung sa airport transfer ko. Saan ka magsstay?” I asked him kasi ’di naman ako totally walang konsensya.

Lui was looking around hanggang sa nakita niya na ata kung anuman iyong hinahanap niya. He looked at me.

“Let’s go,” sabi niya.

Napa-kunot ang noo ko. “What?”

“There’s our ride,” sagot niya habang naka-turo sa isang lalaki na may hawak ng papel na may naka-sulat na Mr. Lui Valladares.

“I have my ride,” sagot ko rin tapos ay tumingin ako doon sa lalaki na may papel na hawak na may naka-sulat na Ms. Italia Hernaez.

Mas lalong napa-kunot iyong noo ko nang makita ko na naglakad si Lui papunta doon. Dala-dala pa rin niya iyong luggage ko. He was talking to the guy tapos napa-tingin sa akin iyong lalaki. After a while, he just nodded. I saw Lui handing what looked like money to the guy.

What…? Nag-abot ba siya ng peso? Or nagpapalit ba siya ng cash? So may cash siya ng Indonesia? If so, why? May balak talaga siyang pumunta sa Bali? Or may dala siya na dollars? Or nagwithdraw ba siya dito na hindi ko napapansin? I have so many questions!

“What was that?” tanong ko nung maka-balik na siya sa harapan ko.

“Sinabi ko lang na ’di ka na sasakay don.”

Nanlaki iyong mga mata ko. “What?!”

“Come on. Our ride’s waiting,” he said, instead, tapos ay nagsimula na naman siyang maglakad. I had to follow him. As if may choice ako dahil kanina pa niya hatak-hatak iyong bag ko!

Kinausap sandali ni Lui iyong lalaki na may hawak nung papel na may pangalan niya. Apparently, this asshole rented a whole fucking private villa and this was the private chauffer service na kasama doon sa rent na binayaran niya.

“Look,” he began nung kinuha nung lalaki iyong gamit namin at saka nilagay sa likuran nung van. “The villa has many rooms. It’s not like I’m forcing you to share a bed with me.”

I scoffed. “Talaga. Kasi ang kapal naman ng mukha mo kung ganon.”

“Okay. So, we’re in agreement?” sabi niya. Napaawang na lang iyong labi ko. Did he seriously just ignore the other things and just focused on one thing? Like all the other guys, may selective hearing din ba siya?

“I have my hotel.”

“Can you cancel it and get a refund?”

“No.”

He shrugged. “Next time, get a refundable one,” sabi niya sa akin. “Or get a travel insurance.”

“Why would I get a refundable one? Kung wala ka rito, doon naman talaga ako pupunta.”

“Well, as we learned in Insurance Law, you get an insurance coverage for unforeseen circumstances.”

“Unforeseen circumstance my ass… You’re basically stalking me at this point.”

“We could’ve avoided this had you unblocked me,” sabi niya.

“Why would I? Wala naman tayong pag-uusapan.”

Madaling-araw na. Pagod na ako mula sa buong araw na pag-aayos ng mga gagamitin ko sa Bali plus papunta sa airport and all the waiting time then iyong flight namin. Bahala na nga. Bukas ko na lang iisipin iyong gagawin ko sa may hotel. Takasan ko na lang si Lui bukas after ko makuha iyong bag ko.

---

Pagdating namin sa villa, ramdam ko na tinitignan ni Lui iyong reaction ko. I pressed my lips together, but damn! Ang ganda nitong villa na kinuha niya. It’s a two-story villa na mukhang may dalawang kwarto and private pool sa labas.

“You can have the main bedroom,” sabi ni Lui nung maglakad kami papunta sa may kwarto. Shit. Ang ganda naman dito? Naka-tingin pa lang ako sa kama, pero parang ang lambot non. I got inside the room and went to the bathroom. I knew I shouldn’t look too much dahil aalis din naman ako bukas, but I couldn’t help it! This was probably the best hotel na napuntahan ko. The bathroom was spacious. May his and her counter tapos malaking shower area and a freaking bath tub in the middle.

I felt my face heating up because memories of us in a bathroom began to flood my mind. Tsk.

“Fine,” sabi ko sa kanya. I tried to act as nonchalant as possible, but I saw Lui smirking like he knew that I was just impressed. I mean, tao lang naman ako? Saka hindi naman ako mayaman. Comfortable lang pamilya ko, pero ’di naman tipo na kaya kong magbayad ng ganitong luxury villa on a freaking whim. Saka kahit may pera na ako from law, hindi ako basta-basta gumastos lalo na at alam ko na halos mamatay na ako sa kaka-sulat ng pleadings para lang makuha iyong sweldo ko.

Thankfully, umalis na si Lui. I was so tired, but I couldn’t sleep without taking a shower and feeling clean. I immediately hopped in the shower. Ginamit ko muna iyong mga toiletries doon kasi may luxury brand—seriously, magkano ’tong villa na ’to? Ma-search nga sa google mamaya.

I took a quick shower dahil antok na talaga ako. Then I wore the fluffy bathrobe and just dried my hair with the towel dahil ’di naman mahaba iyong buhok ko. Paglabas ko ng bathroom, naka-rinig ako ng katok sa pinto.

“What?” I asked and once again, I saw the quick panic in his eyes nung makita na naka-bathrobe lang ako at kaka-ligo ko lang. Why was he acting like a hormonal teenager?

“You can wear this,” sabi niya bigla tapos ay inabot sa akin na t-shirt. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya na naka-kunot ang noo. “Pantulog.”

I arched my brow. “I told you—I’ll sleep naked.”

At this point, I was just teasing and annoying him.

Oh, how the tables have turned.

Instead of answering, Lui reached for my hand at saka nilagay doon iyong t-shirt.

“Good night,” he said and then closed the door and I heard footsteps walking away. Tss. Parang bata.

---

Meron naman akong dalang pantulog, but I couldn’t resist the idea of wearing Lui’s t-shirt bilang pantulog kaya ginamit ko ’yon. Nung magising ako, agad akong nagpalit nung oversized shirt ko. I didn’t bring any shorts with me. I kind of debated kung paano ako lalabas sa kwarto na ’to kasi medyo late na ako nagising dahil sa sobrang pagod.

“Whatever,” I uttered to myself after checking my reflection sa salamin sa CR. I was wearing an oversized graphic shirt saka black underwear. Hanggang gitna naman siya ng legs ko. It’s not I’m gonna bend over and show Lui my ass.

I just did my usual morning routine. I did my skincare tapos ay nag tinted sunscreen lang ako para sa mukha ko. I didn’t plan on wearing any makeup this trip.

“Good mor—”

“Morning,” I said nung makita ko si Lui na nasa may table. May naka-arrange na na food doon. “San galing ’yan?” I asked as I sat down. ’Di ko na pinansin iyong reaction ni Lui. At this point, nasasanay na ako. Baka atakihin ’to sa puso mamaya kapag nag-bikini ako.

“Part of the service,” he replied and I nodded as I helped myself with the pancakes and the french toast.

“I have a question,” I said and he looked at me. “How much ’to per night?” I asked. I did try to look for the price online, but walang naka-lagay… which led me to think na super mahal ng lugar na ’to. Kasi ganon ’yon usually. Takot ako mamili sa mga stores na walang naka-lagay na price tag kasi nakaka-shock iyong presyo nila—at least sa tax bracket ko.

He just shrugged.

“Come on. Curious lang ako.”

“It’s not that expensive.”

“Ugh. Rich kid.”

Natawa siya. “The fuck?”

“Come on, seriously, magkano nga?”

“Basta.”

“Super mahal, noh?” sabi ko sa kanya, pero humigop lang siya ng kape niya. “Super yaman mo ba? Like… I have questions.”

Lui’s always been a mystery. In law school, he has a reputation of being a player. In their fraternity, he has some sort of a pull to be able to shut Lance up like this.

But really, sino ba si Lui?

“My family’s comfortable.”

“Typical rich kid answer.”

Hindi siya naka-tingin sa akin. He was lathering butter on his toasted bread and it was like he was consciously looking at that instead of looking at me.

“I don’t really know much about my family’s business,” sabi niya. Napa-kunot ang noo ko.

“How come?”

“Just not interested,” he said and then looked at me. His whole expression made me stop asking my question because he looked like he’d literally give me a blank check to get me to stop asking questions.

There was a stretch of silence after that. Tahimik ko na inubos iyong pancake at kape ko. Lui was doing the same. What was with his family that made him so uncomfortable?

“Iyong bag—”

“Saan mo—”

Sabay kaming napa-hinto nung sabay kaming nagsalita. He motioned me to continue speaking.

“Iyong bag ko,” I repeated. “My hotel’s fully paid for, Lui. I’d rather stay there.”

“Bakit hindi dito?” he asked. “Ayaw mo ba dito? If you want privacy, I promise not to disturb you.”

“It’s not that.”

“Then what?” mabilis na sagot niya. “I wouldn’t have followed you here kung may kasama ka,” he said like he didn’t just admit to blatantly following me. “But I read a lot of news about people being sexually assaulted here after partying too hard—or sometimes, they’d get drugged. And I’m not saying that will happen to you, but who knows?”

Parang mabibingi na naman ako sa lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko.

“So just please… let’s just rest this argument.”

I bit the inner part of my lower lip with the way he was staring at me like he was just begging me to stay here with him.

“Fine. Whatever,” I said as I grabbed another French toast and stuffed it inside my bed. Lui was just watching me like I was a fucking sitcom episode.

After the breakfast, pumasok na ako sa kwarto. I decided to wear the royal blue string bikini. I decided na magsunbathing. Feeling ko naman babalik din agad ako sa normal kong kulay kasi ’di naman ako halos naaarawan kapag may trabaho.

Sinuot ko na iyong bikini tapos ay sinuot ko na rin iyong white polo for cover up pati baseball cap. May dala akong tote bag at nandon iyong libro ko, sunblock, sunglass, beach mat, and phone ko.

“See you later,” sabi ko nung naka-labas ako at nakita ko si Lui na nasa may dining table. Wala na iyong mga plato don. Seriously? May naka-tago ba na mga staff dito kasi parang kahit mag-iwan lang ako ng plato e kukunin agad nila para linisin.

“San ka pupunta?” agad na tanong ni Lui. Naka-bukas iyong laptop niya at parang may work siya na ginagawa.

“Beach. Sunbathe.” He immediately closed his laptop. Kumunot ang noo ko. “I checked the maps. Malapit lang ’yong beach dito. Kaya kong maglakad mag-isa.”

But it was like he was deaf and decided not to listen to me. I saw how he didn’t even look at me habang naglalakad siya papasok sa may kwarto niya. Minsan talaga ang unfair kasi kapag lalaki, ang bilis lang nila matapos sa pag-aayos. Nagpalit lang ng blue na board shorts si Lui saka puting t-shirt. May dala din siyang tote bag at saka pinanood ko na i-shoot niya doon iyong laptop niya saka charger.

“Let’s go,” he said.

Seryoso ata ’to na babantayan ako…

---

“Where are you going?” Lui asked nung tumayo ako. May café kasi dito sa harap ng beach. Hindi naman ako sobrang sama kaya dito ako nag-aya muna para makapagtrabaho pa rin siya. May pakielam naman ako sa career niya. Alam ko rin na kahit weekend, impossible na wala siyang ginagawa. The lawyering never stops ikaw nga nila.

“Don lang,” I said, pointing out at the shore. “I told you, magssunbathing ako.”

Mabilis akong tumayo at naglakad bago pa siya maka-angal at maka-gawa ng kung anumang explanation kung bakit masama ang sinag ng araw sa balat. I walked hanggang mapunta ako doon sa middle part ng shore. Madami namang nagssunbathing dito. ’Di na ako nahiya kasi puro foreigners naman nandito.

Nilatag ko na iyong beach mat ko. Hindi ko abot iyong likuran ko kaya iyong harap na part ko muna iyong nilagyan ko ng sunblock. Nahiga na ako. Buti na lang ’di pa ganoon kataas iyong sikat ng araw dahil ayoko naman magka-tan line na hugis sunglass.

My eyes were closed as I was enjoying the warmth of the sun and the sound of the waves. This… felt so nice.

Naka-higa lang ako hanggang pakiramdam ko ay kailangan ko ng tumalikod naman dahil baka ’di na magpantay iyong kulay ko. I sat down tapos ay napa-tingin ako sa gilid ko. I saw a guy who was sitting a few meters from me looking at me like he wanted to start a conversation.

“Where are you from?” he asked.

“Philippines,” I replied.

“My friends are right,” he said. Napa-kunot ang noo ko. “That Filipinas are hot.”

Did he seriously just hit on me?

I mean, this wasn’t the first time a guy has hit on me, pero ito ata iyong super makapal ang mukha na nilandi na agad ako within the first minute of meeting me.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“Tali.”

He gave a small nod. “Luke,” he replied. “Are you with someone?”

Pero bago pa man ako maka-sagot ako may sumagot na para sa ’kin.

“Tali, baby,” the voice said… and my heart started to beat like crazy inside my chest.

**

This story is already at Chapter 39 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 32

Chapter 32

“Tali, baby…”

Lui was looking at me when he said those words… and then he turned his head to look at the guy. It was just for a split second, but it was enough for the guy to apologize and quickly left us alone.

“What was that?” tanong ko sa kanya nung umalis iyong lalaki at iniwan kami.

Lui sat down on the space beside me. Tinanggal niya iyong sunglass na naka-patong sa ulo niya at saka sinuot niya ’yon. It was just him putting sunglasses on, but I was watching his every move like it was some damn movie.

God, I couldn’t go through that simp phase again!

Sinuot ko rin iyong sunglass ko para kahit papaano naman ay magkaroon ako ng kahihiyan at hindi niya makita kung saan man ako naka-tingin.

“Nothing,” he replied. “Akala ko ginugulo ka niya.”

“Really,” I said, not really buying his answer.

“You’re welcome,” he said.

Natawa na lang ako. Siguro kahit magka-tsunami na dito sa Bali, hinding-hindi pa rin sasabihin sa akin ni Lui na gusto niya ako. Like ililigtas niya ako for sure, but hindi lalabas sa bibig niya iyong mga salita na gusto niya ako.

Because didn’t he do this before, as well? He acted like this, too. He was caring and attentive and sweet and I fell for every single one of his acts. And then a year later, he told me that he liked me that time.

Ano? Gusto niya ulit ako? Pero hindi niya na naman sasabihin sa akin? Hanggang mabaliw ako sa kakaisip kung ano ba talaga ang gusto niyang mangyari?

I looked at his side profile.

I stared at him.

Yeah… I’m not playing this game with you again, Lui.

This bullshit won’t go back to the Philippines again. Hindi matatapos ’tong Bali trip natin na ’di mo sinasabi sa akin kung ano talaga ang gusto mong mangyari. Because I was pretty sure that if I don’t do anything about it, baka umabot na ako ng 40 years old na nalilito pa rin sa kung ano ang trip mo.

I reached for my tote bag. Kinuha ko ’yong sunblock doon at inabot ko kay Lui ’yon.

“Hindi ko maabot iyong likod ko,” I said.

Hindi ko makita iyong mga mata niya dahil sa sunblock, but knowing Lui and how he’s acting like a hormonal teenager lately? I knew that I was pushing his boundaries right now—iyong boundaries niya na parang bigla na lang lumitaw. He wasn’t like this before! Like we literally hooked up the first time we met.

Bago pa man siya makapagdahilan kung bakit ’di niya ako pwedeng lagyan ng sunblock sa likod ko, dumapa na ako sa may beach mat. And then I untied the strings of my bikini top.

Seconds were passing by without him moving. I gave him time to process things. I mean, sa thought nga lang na matutulog ako na naka-hubad, mukhang bothered na siya… Ngayon pa kaya?

I made myself comfortable habang hinihintay siya na lagyan ako ng sunblock. I knew what was coming, still, my heart almost leaped out from my chest when I felt his hands on my skin.

Shit.

Has it really been that long?

Yes.

Yes, it has.

I felt the hesitation on his hands… but only for a few seconds because he probably felt me stiffening up nang ipatong niya iyong kamay niya sa akin.

And Lui may act like a hormonal teenager lately, but we both know that deep down, he’s just barely holding himself by a thread.

Malandi kaya siya.

The money I’d pay to know what’s going on in that head of his right at this moment.

“What the fuck—” sabi ko nang maramdaman ko na konti na lang ay nasa side boobs ko na iyong kamay niya.

“What?” he asked, his hands still playing a dangerous game. Nasa likuran ko na ulit iyong kamay niya. “I’m just making sure na malalagyan ng sunblock lahat ng sulok,” he continued and then his hand glided from my shoulders down to the small of my back and then it stopped there.

I could hear the loud beating of my heart.

What?

What’s he gonna do next?

Would he lather sunblock on my ass, as well?

Hindi ko alam kung bakit parang tanga ako na naghihintay sa susunod na gagawin niya. I was counting the seconds in my head tapos ay napa-tingin ako sa kanya nung bigla siyang tumayo. I almost stood up, too, pero buti na lang at hindi dahil naka-untie nga pala iyong bikini top ko.

“I’ll just go for a quick swim,” sabi niya.

Napaawang iyong labi ko nung mabilis siyang magtanggal ng t-shirt at iwanan iyon pati iyong mga gamit niya sa tabi ko. Wala na siyang sinabi agad. Sobrang bilis niyang maglakad na one second, nandito siya at nilalagyan ako ng sunblock and the next second, nasa tubig na agad siya.

Sinuot ko na ulit iyong bikini top ko. I sat there while watching him swim. Maya-maya ay nakita ko na may lumapit sa kanya na dalawang babae at kinakausap siya.

I really couldn’t leave him anywhere!

Gustuhin ko man na puntahan siya doon, ’di ko magawa dahil nasa tabi ko iyong mga gamit namin. So, I just sat there and watched as he engaged in conversation with the two foreign girls. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang pinag-uusapan nila, pero bigla akong tinuro ni Lui at napa-tingin sa akin iyong mga babae.

What did he tell them?

Maya-maya ay umahon na rin siya sa tubig. Mabuti na lang at naka-sunglass ako dahil ayoko na makita niya na naka-tingin ako sa kanya. His board shorts was wet that it was just clinging on to his skin. I told myself not to look at his—ugh, Tali, nakaka-hiya ka.

“Sino ’yon?” I asked nung maupo siya sa tabi ko. I almost lost air in my chest nung suklayin niya iyong buhok niya gamit iyong mga daliri niya. Even the most mundane of things become hot when Lui does them.

“I don’t know,” he replied. “Dito lang ba tayo?”

“Why? Bored ka na?”

“No.”

“Tapos ka na sa ginagawa mo?”

“Hindi pa.”

“Tapusin mo na.”

“Mamaya na.”

“Irresponsible,” I said in jest.

“I’m not,” he replied. “Monday pa ’yung deadline.”

I just nodded and then I hugged my knees. I felt Lui just watching me. I let him. It was just nice. Lui has always been nice to be around.

After a while, nag-aya na ako na bumalik na kami sa villa. Medyo mataas na kasi iyong araw saka alam ko na ’di babalik si Lui sa trabaho niya dahil parang ayaw niya akong iwan dito sa may shore.

“I’ll just stay here,” sabi ko sa kanya pagbalik namin sa villa. Glass door naman kaya kita niya na nandon lang ako sa may labas. Mukhang urgent iyong trabaho ni Lui kaya ’di na siya nagsalita pa.

I removed my cover up again tapos ay nahiga lang ako sa may lounge chair. Kinuha ko na rin iyong libro ko at binasa ko iyon habang tumutugtog iyong beach playlist ko sa may Spotify. This is so nice! Iba pala talaga kapag bakasyon sa luxury villa compared sa mga normal na hotel. Tss. Paano na ako babalik sa normal kong buhay after nito?

After a few chapters, I went to swim in the pool. Nakita ko na paminsan ay pinapanood ako ni Lui. I ignored him and let him watch. At least he’d know what he’s missing. He took me for granted nung pwede niya pa akong hawakan anytime, anywhere. Bahala siya d’yan tumingin.

Nung umahon ako sa may pool, nagulat ako dahil biglang naka-upo na si Lui doon sa may lounger. Then he walked towards me while holding a towel.

“Nasa loob na ’yung lunch,” he said as he wrapped the towel around my shoulders. Nasa mga mata ko lang iyong tingin niya. He was staring a little bit too intensely that my heart started to beating faster than usual.

“Okay,” I managed to say. “Magsshower lang ako.”

Mabilis akong naglakad pabalik sa kwarto at saka dumiretso sa may shower. Ang bilis pa rin ng tibok ng puso ko kahit wala namang ginawa si Lui kundi ang balutin ako nung towel.

And to think na first day pa lang ’to…

---

We ate lunch in silence with a few awkward glances and conversation. After that, I told him that I’d take a nap first. Bukod sa napagod ako sa lahat ng nangyari kanina, I knew that he’d just tag along with me kapag lumabas ako. And he’s got some things he needed to finish, so I decided to just give him time for that.

I watched Someone Great then naka-tulog ako.

“Shit,” I said nung mapa-tingin ako sa labas ng bintana at makita na madilim na. I grabbed my phone and saw that it was already 9PM. Ganoon ako katagal natulog?!

Nung lumabas ako, nakita ko na nasa sala lang si Lui. He looked so serious sa kung anuman ang binabasa niya kaya ’di niya napansin na lumabas ako sa kwarto. I stopped and stared for him for a while. He was wearing a black shirt that made me really notice the silver necklace that he was wearing. Naka-patong din sa may binti niya iyong laptop at may tina-type siya doon.

I didn’t know for how long I was watching him.

But it was probably long enough para mapa-tingin siya sa gawi ko.

“Kanina—” sabi niya tapos ay natigilan na naman siya nung ma-realize niya na naka-tshirt lang ako at wala na naman akong shorts. Bakit ba? May underwear naman ako!

He cleared his throat, but the end of his ears were betraying him with how red they were.

“Akala ko bukas ka pa gigising,” he said as he was looking me in the eyes and only in the eyes. “Do you want me to ask them for the dinner?”

Umiling ako. Ano’ng oras na din. Baka nagpapa-hinga na iyong staff nitong villa.

“May restaurant naman sa labas,” I told him.

Naka-tingin siya sa akin. His forehead was slightly creased. Naka-tingin lang din ako sa kanya at naghihintay sa sasabihin niya.

“Okay,” he said after a minute. “Pero wala ka ba talagang shorts?”

Instead of answering him, naglakad ako papunta sa may sala. Naupo din ako sa may couch. I was a few meter away from him. Pinatong ko iyong legs ko sa may couch. The end of my feet were almost touching him.

“It’s just legs, Lui. Come on, now,” I told him.

Naka-tingin lang siya sa akin. I couldn’t read what was going on in his mind.

“You’re acting like ngayon ka lang naka-kita ng legs,” dugtong ko.

I slightly tilted my head to the side. I was so enjoying teasing him and seeing how far I could push him. But with the way things were going? I was so near to breaking this man’s will.

I mean, ngayon pa ba ako mahihiya sa kanya? After kong puntahan siya sa review center niya at umiyak sa harapan niya? After that, anything I do didn’t seem as embarrassing. Ganyan siguro kapag na-reach mo na ’yung rock bottom mo sa kahihiyan.

“Shut it, Tali,” sabi niya at saka tumayo.

“What?” I asked nung naglakad siya papunta sa kwarto niya.

“I know what you’re doing,” he replied as he stopped in front of the door to his room. He looked at me. “I’m on my best behavior here, but I have my limits, Italia Reign. Kapag ikaw pinatulan ko.”

Kasing lakas ata nung pagsara niya ng pinto iyong pagkabog ng dibdib ko.

Akala ko kung ano ang gagawin niya sa kwarto, pero lumabas lang agad siya at saka may inabot sa akin na maong shorts. I looked at him with my forehead creased.

“Ano ’to?”

“Shorts.”

“San mo nakuha ’to?” I asked kasi obviously ’di naman siya magsusuot nito. “Galing sa mga naka-landian mo dati?” I continued. Umiinit ang ulo ko kapag naisip ko na ipapa-suot niya sa akin iyong probably naiwan na shorts ng kung sinumang babae dinala niya sa condo niya.

He rolled his eyes at me like he was annoyed at what I insinuated. “Can’t you see the price tag?” he asked and then pointed at it. Napa-kunot ang noo ko. Mukhang dito niya sa Bali binili ’to. Kailan? Kanina nung natutulog ako? Lumabas siya para bumili ng shorts? Akala ko nagta-trabaho siya tapos nagshopping pa pala siya.

Pumunta ako sa CR at nag-ayos. I just wore the smocked olive green triangle bikini tapos ay sinuot ko iyong maong shorts na binigay ni Lui. Sobrang sakto. Alam niya size ko? That weirdo. Naglagay lang din ako ng tinted sunscreen at lipgloss at nagspray ng pabango.

Paglabas ako, nakita ko na seryoso pa rin iyong mukha ni Lui.

“What? Ano na naman problema mo? Naka-shorts na ako.”

“Nothing,” he said as he stood up. “What do you want for dinner?” he asked.

I wanted to tease him and say ‘ikaw’ pero baka patulan na talaga ako nito kasi mukhang malapit na akong buminggo sa kanya.

“Any local dish,” I told him.

Nung nasa labas na kami, naka-tayo lang kami doon. Hawak niya iyong cellphone niya at mukhang naghahanap siya ng restaurant na pwedeng puntahan doon.

“This one?” he asked me.

This was probably why I never really liked Lance… and why it’s always been Lui for me. Kasi kay Lance, lagi siyang nagdedecide para sa akin. Si Lui, he always asks me. He’d always give me options and I’ll always be the one deciding. Like he leads the way, but I can always change direction if I want to.

“Yeah, looks fine,” I replied.

Tinignan niya sa map. “Medyo malayo,” he said.

“Ah, okay. Kahit sa malapit na lang.”

“No, it’s fine,” sabi niya tapos ay naglakad siya kaya naman sumunod ako sa kanya. He stopped in front of a motorcyle and looked at me.

“You can drive?” I asked, confused dahil ’di ko inakala na marunong siyang magmotor.

Tumango siya. “Is it okay with you?” he asked. “I’ll drive slowly.”

Hindi talaga ako sumasakay sa motor. Sa province kasi namin, maraming namamatay dahil sa drunk driving. Kahit sa Manila, ’di ako sumasakay sa motorcycle service. I’d seriously rather take the train kaysa motor.

But goddamn it, Italia. Kapag kay Lui talaga kahit siguro ayain ako mag-skydiving nito, papayag ako, e.

Lui handed me the helmet. I tried to secure it, pero dahil first time ko magsuot nito, medyo ’di ko ma-lock nang maayos. Lui took charge and he locked it for me. Air got knocked out of my chest because he was standing too close to me.

“Let’s go,” he said after making sure that the helmet was secured… he probably didn’t notice that I was holding my breath the entire time.

Fuck it.

Fuck him.

God, I want him so bad.

---

Lui did drive carefully as he promised. Minsan ay mapapa-tingin ako sa mukha niya sa may side mirror nung motor. Minsan ay magtatama iyong mga mata namin. I never once broke the stare—it was always him.

The whole drive, naka-yakap lang ako sa kanya. I laid my head against his back.

I want him.

I want him so much.

I was done with the back and forth when it’s so painfully obvious that we want each other.

So, tonight, I will break him—no matter at what cost. 

**

This story is already at Chapter 40 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 33

Chapter 33

I probably made myself a little too comfortable during the whole ride. Naka-yakap lang talaga ako kay Lui at naka-sandal iyong ulo ko sa may likuran niya. It was just so comfortable. I was basically just hugging him tightly the whole time. I heard no complaints from his end.

“We’re here.”

Napa-angat iyong ulo ko nang marinig ko iyong boses niya. Fuck. Nandito na nga pala kami. Masyado akong nag-enjoy sa pagyakap sa kanya.

I got off of the motorcycle. Naka-tayo lang ako doon habang fini-figure out kung paano ko tatanggaling iyong helmet sa ulo ko. Lui saw me struggling. Tumayo siya sa harapan ko at saka tinulungan ako na tanggalin iyong helmet. I was literally holding my breath at every movement that he made.

“Thank you,” I said nang matanggal niya na iyong helmet. Lui just nodded at me at saka nilagay niya iyong mga helmet doon sa may handle ng motor. Kinuha niya iyong susi at nilagay iyon sa bulsa niya. I was watching his every movement—every little freaking movement.

Seriously, Italia Reign? Paglalagay lang ng susi sa bulsa, nagkaka-ganyan ka na?

Lui was walking ahead of me, but I was just behind him. Pagdating namin sa may pintuan, he held the door open and waited hanggang sa maka-pasok ako. See? Paano ako hindi magiging delulu, e sa mga ganito pa lang na small gestures, nababaliw na ako?

Besides, so what kung kinikilig ako sa bare minimum? E hindi naman lalaki kaya magbigay ng bare minimum? Case in point—Lance Serrano.

“What do you want?” Lui asked a few minutes after kaming abutan ng menu.

“I have no idea,” I told him because my mind wasn’t really in the food. I was thinking of ways on how I could break this guy tonight. Should we go clubbing? Kasi nung may nakipag-usap na lalaki pa lang sa akin sa beach ay lumabas na iyong pagiging possessive ni Lui… What more kung may kasayaw ako sa club?

Drastic measures, I know, but I couldn’t do this push and pull again! Nagawa na namin ’to before! I needed us to be in a happy place for a freaking change!

“Are you hungry?” he asked.

“No, not really.”

“You’re not allergic with anything?”

“Seafood lang, but it’s not that serious.”

“Okay. I’ll order for us,” he said while looking at me like he’s waiting for me to agree. I just gave him a small nod.

Nung bumalik iyong waiter, umorder si Lui. I was just watching him as he ordered for the two of us. Nagsasabi lang naman siya ng mga pagkain sa menu, pero para bang nanonood ako ng series kasi tutok na tutok ako sa bawat salitang lumalabas sa bibig niya.

“You want to add?” tanong niya nung matapos na siyang umorder. Bahagya akong umiling. Ibinalik niya iyong tingin niya sa may waiter. “That’s all. Terimah kasih,” he added.

I slightly arched my brow. “Salita ba ’yon dito?”

He nodded. “Thank you,” he replied.

“You know how to speak Indonesian?”

Umiling siya. “I just know the basics—how to say thank you, excuse me, sorry,” sabi niya. “Di mo ba ginagawa ’yon kapag nasa ibang bansa ka?”

“Not really… English lang tapos kapag ’di talaga kami magka-intindihan, I type it sa Google Translate tapos pinapabasa ko sa kanila.”

Lui and I talked while waiting for the food. It was refreshing kasi ’di kami nagtatalo o kaya nag-uusap tungkol sa law school o kung anuman na related sa trabaho. Ngayon lang ata nangyari ’to.

There’s something about the Bali air.

After a while, dumating na iyong food namin. Lui ordered a few skewers and some noodles. I was trying to get the meat from the stick nung mapa-tingin ako kay Lui dahil kinuha niya iyong plato ko at saka nilagay sa harapan ko iyong plato niya. Natanggal niya na pala iyong meat mula doon sa may stick.

“Thank you,” I told him. He just gave me a small nod and acted like it’s nothing?! Ganito ba siya kapag boyfriend? Like talagang siya mag-aasikaso sa ’yo? Ganito ba siya sa ex niya?!

I tried to eat—like really tried to pero iyong isip ko ay sa kung paano siya bilang boyfriend. I still remember him talking about his girlfriend before. Sila ata all throughout college tapos naghiwalay lang sila nung law school na si Lui… Grabe. She got him during his nursing era? Must be nice.

“Kumain ka nga,” he said habang naka-tingin siya sa plato niya pero naramdaman niya ata na naka-tingin ako sa kanya.

“I have questions,” I said.

“Ano?”

“Paano ka nung may girlfriend ka pa before?” I asked. Napa-tingin siya sa akin na bahagyang naka-kunot iyong noo. “I mean… curious lang.”

“Why?”

“Ano’ng why?”

“Why are you curious?”

I tried to shrug and act casual. “Wala. Curious lang. Naturally curious akong tao.”

He was still looking at me like he’s telling me that he’s not buying whatever lie I was selling. Bahagyang naka-arko iyong kilay niya. He’s so sassy sometimes.

“So… paano kang boyfriend? Ano’ng love language mo?”

“What?” he asked like he’s confused sa tanong ko.

“Like physical touch ba… Words of affirmation? Quality time? Acts of service? Gift-giving?”

Lui was still looking at me like I just spoke in an alien language. Seriously, he’s such a guy sometimes.

I sat there and explained each concept to him. I was trying my best to explain and he just sat there and listened to me. Feeling ko seryoso siyang nakikinig kasi naka-tingin lang talaga siya sa akin all throughout and sometimes, he’d laugh but then he’d quickly stop himself and then purse his lips together.

“So?” I asked after I was done explaining each concept. “Ano ’don ang love language mo?”

“All of the above,” he replied while his eyes were directly looking at mine. “I mean, she’s my girlfriend, right? Why wouldn’t I want to give her everything and more?”

I could literally hear my heart beating. I hope he couldn’t hear it kasi nakaka-hiya.

“Physical touch? That’s a fucking given. Words of affirmation? Yes. Quality time? Definitely. Acts of service? Absolutely. Gift-giving? I like spending my money on my woman.”

Goddamn, Luisito Ruiz Valladares!

I reached for the glass of water dahil ramdam ko iyong panunuyo ng lalamunan ko. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin dahil ramdam ko rin iyong panonood ni Lui sa akin habang umiinom ako. I didn’t even need to look to know that he’s amused.

“What about you?” he asked, his head slightly tilted to the side. “What’s your love language, Italia Reign?”

Kahit kaka-inom ko pa lang ng tubig ay ramdam ko na ang panunuyo ng lalamunan ko ulit. I drew a deep breath and straightened my back.

“Secret,” I said.

Naka-titig lang sa akin si Lui. I was counting the seconds in my head while the loud beating of my heart was in the background.

“Fine by me,” he replied. “I’ll just have to find out myself.”

Seriously, why the hell did I even think that I can break this man when a single sentence like this already broke me?

---

Lui paid for the dinner. Nothing surprising about that. Kapag magkasama kami ay wala naman talaga akong binabayaran. Iyong ex niya kaya—

Ugh.

Baka ma-obsess ako sa ex nito kaka-isip sa kanya.

“Thank you,” I said when he handed me the helmet. “Inaantok ka na ba?” I asked.

“Why?”

“Punta tayong club,” I told him. Naka-tingin lang siya sa akin. ’Di ko na naman mabasa iyong nasa isip niya. “I won’t get trashed, I promise. I just want to dance.”

Hindi nagsalita si Lui, pero ’di din naman niya sinabi na ’di kami pupunta. I hopped in the motorcycle again tapos ay muling yumakap ako sa kanya. This was quickly becoming my happy place.

Doon kami pumunta sa club na nadaanan namin kanina. Ang daming naka-parada na mga motor. Rinig na rinig ko agad iyong lakas ng tugtog. Reggaeton music was blasting from the speakers.

“Seriously?” he asked when I handed him a mint. I just rolled my eyes at him and popped a mint myself. I have plans tonight. Hindi ako uuwi hanggang ’di ko nahahalikan ’tong taong ’to.

I was about to take a step closer to get a good look of the club, pero mabilis ako na napa-hinto nung hawakan ni Lui iyong braso ko. Lumingon ako para tumingin sa kanya.

“Stay close,” he said. “Maraming tao.”

Hindi ko alam kung mas malakas ba iyong tunog nung speakers o iyong kabog ng dibdib ko.

“Okay,” I managed to reply.

To say na maraming tao would be a massive understatement. Nagtipon ata dito lahat ng tao mula sa Kanluran. Halos wala akong makitang Asians dito. It was a bit weird to feel like a minority in your own damn continent.

Naka-sunod lang ako kay Lui habang naglalakad siya. It was like he was clearing a path for me. I like it that way. It like it a little bit too much that I’m refusing to go back to Manila without an official title.

May sinabi si Lui sa akin. Kumunot ang noo ko. “What?!” sigaw ko dahil hindi ko marinig iyong sinasabi ni Lui dahil sa sobrang lakas ng tugtog dito.

I almost got my breathing cut off when Lui leaned in and was basically whispering right at my ear.

“What do you want?” he asked.

Agad na nanlaki iyong mga mata ko. Have I been voicing out my inner most thoughts? Narinig niya ba iyong plano ko na akitin siya ngayong gabi at gawin siyang boyfriend ko na talaga bago kami umuwi sa Pilipinas?!

Oh, god.

Panic crept through my system. I walked away and was quickly sucked in by the crowd. Everyone was dancing and having fun and then suddenly, someone was grabbing me and I saw a random foreign dude trying to dance with me. He tried to spin me around and it was so packed that I just let him do that dahil kung hindi ay baka mabali iyong braso ko.

And then I felt someone’s hands on the sides of my waist.

I froze.

The fuck.

Was I being—

But my thoughts were quickly interrupted when I was spun around and suddenly, I was face to face with Lui. He was holding me steady by my waist. Naka-tingin lang siya sa akin at kitang-kita ko na hindi siya masaya.

His mouth was saying something but I couldn’t hear him. He leaned in and fucking hell… he smelled so good at parang trained na iyong ilong ko sa kanya dahil alam na alam ko iyong pabango niya kahit nandito kami sa gitna ng dance floor.

“I told you to stay close,” he whispered in my ear.

Hindi ako nakapagsalita.

We were so close that I was a hundred percent certain that he could feel the beating of my heart. Did he know that he’s causing that? He must know by now.

Lui was looking me in the eye while his hands were still on my waist. Nagsisigawan at nagsasayawan iyong mga tao sa paligid namin habang naka-tingin lang kami sa isa’t-isa na para bang may sariling mundo kami.

God, I so badly want to kiss him right now.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano kami katagal na naka-titig lang sa isa’t-isa nang biglang may bumunggo na naman sa akin. The guy looked so trashed. Lui quickly pushed him away from me. The guy didn’t look offended but he did look at me closer and said, “Fuck, you’re hot.”

Agad na napa-tingin ako kay Lui. I saw his jaw clenching and his shoulders rising and then falling like he just drew a deep breath.

Tapos ay bigla na lang akong hinila ni Lui. We were walking in the middle of a very crowded dancefloor. Naka-sunod lang ako sa kanya hanggang sa makarating kami sa isang gilid na hindi ganoon kasiksikan kumpara sa gitna nung dancefloor.

“You can dance here,” Lui said as he whispered in my ear once again.

I frowned at him. “Mukha akong tanga ditong sumasayaw mag-isa.”

He tilted his head to the side as he was looking at me. “I’ll dance with you.”

We probably looked like fools because we were slow dancing while everyone around us were hyped as fuck. Nasa bewang ko iyong mga kamay ni Lui habang naka-palibot sa leeg niya iyong mga kamay ko. We were staring at each other’s’ eyes like we were in some competition at walang gustong magpa-talo.

I want to kiss him…

But I want him to want to kiss me…

So, I did nothing even though every fiber of my being felt like burning with the need to kiss him.

I was looking at his eyes… and then stared at his lips.

“Don’t do that,” he whispered in my ears.

“Do what?” I innocently whispered back.

“That.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Stare at my lips.”

“Bawal ba?”

I felt him gripping the sides of my waist tighter.

And then with a little stroke of luck, someone bumped against me.

“Someone’s excited,” I whispered in his ears when I felt him against my stomach.

“Italia Reign,” he said like it was some reprimand. I hugged him tighter and I felt him getting bigger. “What are you doing?” he asked, sounding like he’s in pain at this point.

“Nothing,” I replied. “Can’t you see? Masikip talaga dito sa club.”

“Don’t play this game with me,” he said.

“Play what?”

“This,” he replied as I felt him grabbing my ass. Agad na nanlaki iyong mga mata ko. “Because I can definitely participate.”

Ramdam na ramdam ko iyong bilis ng tibok ng puso naming dalawa. At this point, we’re just both playing chickens. I was dead certain we both want each other so badly… so why won’t he take the leap and go after me for a fucking change?!

I took a step back and started to walk away. I knew he was following me dahil narinig ko na tinawag niya iyong pangalan ko. Diretso lang ako sa paglalakad hanggang sa maka-labas kami sa club. Napa-hinto ako nung bigla kong maramdaman iyong kamay niya sa braso ko.

“Is there something wrong?” he asked, looking straight into my eyes like he had no fucking clue.

I stared back. “Do you want me?” I asked him.

“Was I being too fucking obvious?” he replied quickly like he was equally mad now, too.

“Well, I want you, too. Now, what?” diretsong sabi ko sa kanya.

Lui was staring me down. He took a step forward that made me take a step back until I realized that I was backed against the wall. He put his left hand on the side of my face and his other hand on the side of my waist.

“I’m not kissing someone who’s not my boyfriend,” I said while my heart’s beating quickly in my chest.

“Is this your way of asking me to be your boyfriend?”

I tried to push him away, but he didn’t even budge. In fact, he even smirked at me—the audacity of this man.

I felt his thumb tracing patterns on the skin of my waist. Naka-tingin lang siya sa mga mata ko. I had long memorized every angle of his face, but I would always be mesmerized by him.

“Can I be your boyfriend, Tali?” he asked, looking straight into my eyes. “I promise I’ll be good to you.”

I knew I should answer… but goddamn, I just reached for his lips and there we were, making out outside the club like some teenagers in love. 

**

This story is already at Chapter 41 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 34

Chapter 34

Hindi pa ako nakaka-tayo ay naramdaman ko na agad iyong hawak ni Lui sa braso ko. I turned my head and saw that he still had his eyes closed. Naramdaman niya lang talaga na tatayo ako?

“Where are you going?” he asked, his voice a bit hoarse.

“Sa labas lang. Gusto kong manood ng sunrise,” I replied.

It’s been quite a few days.

I’d been really happy… pero mamayang gabi, uuwi na kami. Ewan ko. There’s still a part of me that was wondering if things would change pagbalik namin sa Maynila. Kasi baka Bali-bliss lang ’tong nangyayari. Alam mo ’yon? Parang kapag nasa PBB house ka tapos iba rin iyong nangyayari sa outside world?

So, I just wanted to get out for a while and breathe it all in.

Baka kasi bukas, iba na naman ulit.

Napa-kunot ang noo ko nang maupo si Lui sa kama. Kinusot pa niya iyong mga mata niya. Medyo magulo iyong buhok niya, pero bagay pa rin sa kanya. Kahit ata ano may muta pa siya sa mata, gwapo pa rin sa paningin ko.

“Nope, matulog ka pa. Sa labas lang ako,” I told him, but he just shook his head and stretched his arms. Napa-tingin ako sa braso niya. Sigurado ako na paborito ko iyong mukha niya, pero parang second place iyong braso niya. Ang ganda kasi talaga. Parang ang sarap kumapit palagi.

Sabay kaming lumabas. Ang tahimik ng paligid. Ang payapa sa pakiramdam. Pero parang mas na-highlight lang iyong katotohanan na pagbalik ko sa Manila, maingay na naman iyong buhay ko.

“Sayang…” I mumbled when I realized na ’di namin makikita iyong sunrise mula dito sa may villa. I turned my head to look at Lui, pero wala na siya sa may tabi ko. I didn’t even have the time to look for him dahil bumalik ulit siya. He cocked his head to the side at napa-kunot ang noo ko. “Aalis tayo?” I asked when he showed me the key he was holding.

Si Lui iyong nagsuot ng helmet ko. Naka-yakap lang ako sa kanya habang naka-angkas ako sa motor. Hindi ko alam kung saan kami pupunta. I didn’t even bother to ask. Ganon na ba kalaki iyong tiwala ko sa kanya na tipong kahit saan niya ako dalhin, sasama na lang talaga ako, no questions asked?

Huminto kami sa may kalsada malapit sa beach. It was so quiet na tipong hampas ng alon lang ang maririnig mo. Napa-tingin din ako sa langit at mukhang dito nga sisikat iyong araw.

Minsan iniisip ko kung tour guide ba si Lui sa Bali dahil parang alam niya lahat ng magandang spots dito. Nagbakasyon kaya sila ng ex niya dito dati? Ang dami kong tanong pero ayokong tanungin kasi for sure masisira lang ang araw ko.

Lui and I walked side by side hanggang sa makarating kami sa may dalampasigan. I sat on the sand first, and he quickly followed. Naka-tingin lang ako sa dagat. It reminded me of the time nung dinala niya ako sa La Union. Back then, I had to bite my tongue a couple of times dahil alam ko naman na wala akong karapatan. Ngayon? Sabi niya meron, but still, I had this worry inside me that I couldn’t just quash.

“You’re awfully quiet,” he said.

I hugged my knees close to my chest. “Ang aga pa. Tinatamad pa akong magsalita,” I reasoned.

“Okay,” he replied, but he didn’t sound like he bought my explanation.

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. “Why? I asked.

Napa-tingin din siya sa ’kin. I counted the seconds in my head, waiting for him to speak his mind. “You have the tendency to overthink things,” he said.

“Do I?”

He nodded. “Most of the time.”

“Parang hindi naman,” sagot ko sa kanya. I didn’t break the stare. “I guess I only overthink when it comes to you.”

“I’m not an overly complicated person, Tali. If I say something, just take it at face value.”

“Easier said than done,” I replied.

“Why is that?”

“Because I feel like I barely know you,” I told him. Inalis ko na iyong tingin ko sa kanya at binalik ko sa dagat. I wanted to tell him everything that was bothering me. Gusto kong sabihin na lahat bago pa kami bumalik sa Manila. I really just wanted to start on a clean slate pagbalik namin don.

No more blurred lines.

No more secrets.

No more of that.

“You do know me,” he said.

“Do I?” sabi ko habang diretso pa rin ang tingin sa dagat. “I heard stories about you, you know? Pero iba iyong naririnig ko sa nakakasama ko. Minsan naiisip ko kung iba ka lang ba talaga… o nagpapanggap ka lang sa harap ko… or if you’re just indulging me…”

I used to hear stories about Lui being the life of the party. I used to hear stories tungkol sa mga kalokohan niya at lahat ng gulo na kinasangkutan niya. I mean, I know people change, pero kapag kasama ko siya, parang ibang tao iyong nakikita ko.

“Do you honestly think that I’d follow you all the way to Bali if I were just indulging you?” tanong niya sa akin. Ramdam ko na naka-tingin siya, but I maintained my gaze at the sea. This was the only way we’d have a conversation about this… because if not, I’d get lost in his eyes yet again.

“I don’t know the kinds of stories you heard about me, but what I can say is that I’m different when I’m with my family, with my friends, with my acquaintances, with you,” he said. I felt his hand on my cheek. He made me face him and I once again heard the loud beating of my heart. Ang lakas ng kabog na para bang nakikipagpaligsahan sa hampas ng alon. “But it’s all me, Tali. I promise,” he continued while caressing my cheek with his thumb.

I could not speak.

I only stared at his eyes.

“From now on, I’ll tell you every little thing that crosses my mind,” he said as he gazed into my eyes like he was trying to have a peek at my soul. “So that you’ll know me.”

Lui leaned in and planted a soft kiss on my lips.

“Okay?” he asked softly while he was cupping my face.

“Ganito rin tayo pagbalik sa Manila?” I asked as I reached for his hands and held them myself.

“I promise.”

“Ayoko ng promise. Kapag promise, hindi natutupad.”

“Is that so?” he asked and I nodded. “Then I’ll just do it.”

“Boyfriend pa rin kita sa Manila.”

He chuckled as he leaned in and kissed me once again. “I’m your boyfriend anywhere in the world, Tali,” he replied as he leaned in, kissed me, and the sunrise was forgotten.

---

Lui and I spent our last few hours in Bali sa may falls. We were the only people there. I’d feel scared, but I was with Lui kaya hindi ako natakot. We were just swimming and making out and laughing. I had the greatest time with him.

In the airport, si Lui iyong may hawak ng mga gamit ko. Inabot niya lang sa akin iyong passport at ticket nung kailangan ko na siyang gamitin. After that, siya na ulit iyong may hawak. I really, really like this. Tapos nung sa may airplane, siya rin iyong naglagay ng gamit ko sa may overhead bin.

Then saw me yawning at nilagay niya iyong airpods pro max niya sa may ulo ko. A relaxing song was already playing. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya, pero imbis na magsalita ay pina-sandal niya lang ako sa balikat niya as if he was telling me that I could fall asleep.

I love this.

I love this so much.

---

“Papasok ka na sa work bukas?” I asked him. “I mean mamaya?” I asked kasi ala una na pala ng madaling araw.

Tumango siya habang nilalagay iyong mga gamit namin sa may likuran ng sasakyan niya. Naka-park pala siya dito sa may airport. I felt bad kasi buong araw na kaming nasa labas tapos ako lang naka-tulog kanina sa may eroplano. I told him na ako na lang magda-drive, but he assured me that he’s fine and that he wouldn’t drive kung inaantok na siya.

“Oh, okay… Good luck,” I just told him kasi choice niya naman pumasok sa work.

“Have you decided?” he asked while he was putting on his seatbelt.

“Saan?” tanong ko habang sinusuot ko iyong seatbelt ko.

“Kung san ka magta-trabaho.”

Binaba ko iyong vanity mirror at tinignan iyong mukha ko. I looked so tan! Wala kasi kaming ginawa ni Lui kundi magswimming. I mean, nasa coffeeshop siya at nagta-trabaho habang nagsswimming ako o nagssunbathing. Kapag may kakausap sa akin na lalaki, bastos na kung bastos pero tinatalikuran ko agad sila. Alam ko kasi na kapag nakita ni Lui na may kausap ako, lalapitan agad ako non. And ayoko lang maabala siya sa work niya.

Besides, alam ko iyong feeling kapag may kumakausap kay Lui na babae. Nakaka-inis kaya. Ayokong gawin sa kanya kasi alam ko iyong feeling.

“Right…” I replied as I applied lip balm. “May vacant daw sa prosecution ngayon. I applied the other night. May interview ako sa isang araw.”

Napa-kunot iyong noo ko nung mapa-tingin ako sa reflection niya sa salamin. “Why?” I asked because he didn’t look too happy with my decision. “I mean, maganda naman iyong mga binigay mo sa akin sa may list, pero ayoko muna sa private law firms. Besides, gusto ko talaga ng litigation. And magandang experience sa akin iyong sa prosecution.”

Nung nasa big firm pa ako, puro mayayaman iyong clients ko. Not saying na guilty sila, pero obvious naman minsan na sila talaga may kasalanan… Alam ko rin naman na work lang, pero may konsensya din naman ako. I just really tried to separate my personal opinion sa trabaho ko kahit minsan feeling ko nagmamagic na talaga ako para lang ma-twist iyong batas sa favor ng clients namin.

Imagine what I’d feel kapag nasa prosecution na ako?

I surmised that I’d be way happier.

“Ayaw mo ba na nasa prosecution ako?” I asked him. He said no more secrets whatsoever. I looked at him as I waited for his answer. Kung totoo ba iyong sinabi niya sa akin sa Bali na sasabihin niya kung anuman ang nasa utak niya para hindi na siya misteryo sa akin.

“No, if that’s what you want,” he replied.

“It’s what I want,” sabi ko sa kanya.

“Okay,” he said.

“Okay,” I replied.

But it didn’t feel okay dahil tahimik kaming dalawa habang nagda-drive siya papunta sa condo ko. The music didn’t help either dahil ramdam na ramdam ko pa rin iyong katahimikan.

“Lui,” I called when he parked in the basement.

Napa-tingin siya sa ’kin.

“You said no more secrets,” I told him.

Lui’s hands were on the steering wheel. I knew that it’s almost 2AM, but I didn’t want to end this day without us addressing this. Kasi siya na nga ang nagsabi na madalas akong mag-overthink. Kaya kailangan ko ng sagot bago ako ang gumawa ng sagot sa utak ko.

“I know,” he replied.

“Okay,” I said. “What’s with your reaction? Ayaw mo na magtrabaho ako sa prosecution?”

“It’s not that,” he replied. I patiently waited for his response. Kahit siguro abutin kami ng umaga ay maghihintay ako. Mas gusto ko ’yon kaysa isipin ko na naman kung ano na naman ang susunod na magiging misunderstanding namin. I was done with that.

I said no word and just waited until he gathered himself to tell me what he needed to tell me. He didn’t even need to tell me everything because I knew that it would be a lot. I just needed him to give me something.

“Sa frat niyo ba? May koneksyon na naman si Lance?” I asked because honestly, might as well sa ibang bansa na ako magtrabaho kung pati prosecution sa may kapit siya.

Umiling si Lui. “No, it’s not about him,” sagot ni Lui. I just looked at him as I waited for him to continue. “There might be cases… that I might be involved in…”

Bahagyang napa-kunot iyong noo ko. Napaawang iyong labi ko nang maalala ko iyong sinabi niya sa akin na kaso na dahilan kung bakit baka hindi siya makapagtake ng oath at sign sa roll.

“Iyong sa initiation?” I asked him. “You weren’t involved, right?”

“No,” he quickly replied.

“Okay. Then, what’s the problem?”

Because it wasn’t like I’d blame him for something that was out of his control. Parte siya ng frat. Parte din ako ng sorority. I knew that sometimes, decisions that we don’t necessarily agree with are made.

It sucks, but it is what it is—that’s probably the reason why I went inactive nung third year ako at hindi lang dahil busy talaga ako.

“Can we talk about this later?” he asked as he reached for my cheek and held it. “I still have to go to work in a few hours.”

I looked at him and nodded. “Okay…”

He just gazed at me as he leaned in and kissed me on the lips. “I really hope you mean it, Tali,” he whispered but when I asked him what he meant, he just gave me a small smile. 

**

This story is already at Chapter 42 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 35

Chapter 35

I really tried not to overthink things nung hindi kami nagkita ni Lui nung gabing ’yon. He did call me and explained na dahil umalis siya ng ilang araw, ang daming natambak na pending na kailangan niya na talagang tapusin. He even offered to FaceTime me para ipakita iyong pending work niya, but I didn’t want to be the overbearing kind of girlfriend… although that would’ve really worked. Iniisip ko kasi talaga na kaya ayaw niya na magkita kami ay dahil alam niya na iinterrogate ko siya sa kung bakit ayaw niyang sa prosecution ako magtrabaho.

Instead of overthinking things, I decided to just prepare for my job interview. This is basically my first official job interview kasi iyong sa last work ko, basically shoo in na ako dahil kay Lance. Siguro kaya mas gusto ko rin dito. Kapag kasi doon ako sa binigay ni Lui na list, one way or another, parang may iba na naman na nagbigay sa akin ng work. At least dito, ako talaga.

Ang sarap sa pakiramdam kapag alam mo na ikaw talaga iyong nagpaka-hirap sa kung anuman ang meron ka.

I called some friends na sa prosecution and government din nagwowork. They all basically told me na makukuha ko iyong trabaho dahil top 1 ako. Still, I didn’t want to be overconfident. Hindi naman kasi talaga basis iyong ranking ko sa BAR exam. That was theoretical—ibang-iba kaya iyong sa practice. Kaya nagreview pa rin ako, and it worked on my favor kasi nawala sa isip ko kahit papaano si Lui.

‘Good luck on your interview.’

Napa-arko iyong kilay ko nang mabasa ko iyong message niya. It’s been two days simula nung maka-balik kami sa Manila. Two nights na rin siyang overtime. Friday na ngayon tapos weekend na bukas. Ano na naman kaya ang sasabihin niya sa akin para ’di kami magkita?

‘Thank you,’ I replied kasi tina-try ko ’yung pagiging mature. He did tell me not to overthink things and to just take his words and actions at face value. Medyo mahirap, but whatever. Kailangan ko na talaga ng trabaho dahil ayoko na sa kanya umiikot iyong mga iniisip ko lagi. Hindi healthy.

‘Let’s get dinner later to celebrate.’

‘?’

‘Haha cute. Will see you later. Good luck, baby.’

Ugh.

Lecheng ’yan. Isang baby lang sa akin e tiklop agad ako. Fair ba ’yon?!

Nagreact na lang ako ng heart doon sa message niya. Ayoko talagang magsimula ng away or whatever kasi baka isipin ni Lui ay nagkamali siya na gawin niya akong girlfriend at tama iyong intuition niya nung nagrereview pa kami na ’wag akong gawing girlfriend dahil magulo akong tao.

Tsk.

Siguro dapat nagboyfriend na rin ako dati… Kasi hindi ko talaga alam kung paano umakto. Like in theory, I know what to do… pero ang hirap kontrolin ng sarili ko around Lui. Kaya siguro sa aming dalawa, mas controlled siya kasi galing na siya sa longterm relationship. Alam niya na iyong kailangan niyang gawin habang ako, hindi alam kung paano aakto sa harapan niya.

Hirap talaga kapag matanda ka na naglovelife, e.

Pero instead na isipin ko ’yon, dumiretso na ako sa job interview ko. I arrived 30 minutes earlier than the scheduled time. Nagcoffee shop muna ako habang naghihintay. I got myself a decaf coffee since I was trying to cut back on my caffeine intake dahil pakiramdam ko ay addicted na ako sa kape. While waiting, nag-online shopping muna ako para kumalma naman ako kahit papaano.

“Good morning,” bati ko pagdating ko doon sa interview.

“Ready ka na?” I nodded kahit hindi ako ready talaga. Kumunot ang noo ko nung abutan ako ng papel at saka ballpen. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya na gulung-gulo iyong mukha ko. “That should be easy,” he said instead.

“Mag…eexam ako?” I asked, still confused.

“You have 30 minutes,” sabi niya na lang tapos ay sumandal siya at saka nagcellphone at para bang binigyan ako ng privacy para magsagot na.

The hell?! Hindi na natapos-tapos ’tong exam na ’to kahit abogado na ako!

I was so confused, but then again, nagsimula na akong magsagot dahil 30 minutes lang iyong binigay sa akin at wala akong panahon para magpaliguy-ligoy pa. Puro essay iyong tanong at mostly about court procedure. Mabuti na lang talaga ay inaral ko ’to nung nasa law firm pa ako at ginusto kong maglitigation.

Tahimik akong nagsasagot, pero sa isip ko ay pinagmumura ko na lahat ng kaibigan ko dahil wala man lang nagsabi sa akin na may pa-exam pala dito?! E ’di sana nagreview ako?! Kahit si Lui walang sinabi sa akin! The betrayal!

Nung matapos ako sa exam, binalik ko na iyong papel. The guy just quickly scanned the paper tapos ay tumingin na siya sa akin at tumango.

“As expected,” sabi niya sa akin.

“May pa-exam ba talaga kapag nag-aapply?” I asked kasi baka ako lang pinagtripan nito.

He nodded. “Should be easy,” sabi niya. “A job in the prosecution is highly coveted—you should be embarrassed kung kahit ganitong tanong lang ay hindi mo masasagot.”

Tumango na lang din ako dahil tama naman siya. Ang hirap maka-pasok dito sa prosecution. Swerte lang talaga ako na may vacant kaya naka-apply din agad ako… saka iba pa rin talaga kapag Top 1 sa BAR. Parang one foot inside ka na agad sa mga gusto mong pag-applyan.

The next minutes, we just discussed the responsibilities and expectations that came with the job. Alam ko naman na magiging overworked ako dito, but then again, overworked din naman ako doon sa huling trabaho ko. Mataas din naman iyong sweldo ko dito, pero hindi pa rin comparable doon sa dating sweldo ko. Whatever. Mas masaya siguro dito kaysa sa walang kamatayan na pleadings na ginagawa ko dati. At least dito nasa korte na talaga ako.

“Any questions?” tanong niya sa akin.

Tumango ako. “Do you have any questions?” balik na tanong ko na lang.

Tumingin siya sa akin sandali. It was like he was trying to read my face, but then again, there’s nothing to read. Gusto ko lang naman na magtrabaho dito at maging magaling na litigator. Wala naman akong ibang agenda.

“Will you be okay?” biglang tanong niya.

Bahagyang kumunot ang noo ko. “About what?”

“You were dating Serrano and you’re with Valladares now, right?” sabi niya bigla at mas lalong lumalim ang kunot ng noo ko. Seriously? Naka-public broadcast ba ang dating life ko? Bakit updated ’tong taong ’to?

“Yes?” sagot ko na lang dahil kahit hindi ko alam kung saan patungo ’tong tanong niya, I was curious enough to follow through his line of questioning. Bakit pakiramdam ko ay konektado ’to sa dahilan kung bakit may kakaiba sa reaksyon ni Lui nung napunta ako dito?

“Why’d you ask?” patuloy na tanong ko nung hindi siya agad nagsalita.

“Might be a conflict of interest for you.”

“Bakit? May pending ba na kaso sila?”

He shrugged. “Here and there,” he replied vaguely as he gathered the papers on the table. “Those cases will eventually fall on your desk.”

I gave him a short nod. “And I’ll be impartial if the time comes,” seryosong sagot ko sa kanya.

“I will take your word on that,” sabi niya sa akin at saka tumango. He stood up and offered me his hand. “Welcome to the prosecution, Atty. Hernaez.”

---

Hindi maalis sa isip ko iyong mga sinabi niya… Ano’ng kaso ba iyong sinasabi niya? Those were probably serious cases because they warranted being mentioned… Iba pa ba iyon sa may kaso nung sa initiation? Kasi alam ko na malaki na iyon dahil nagkaroon pa ng senate committee hearing para don.

“Hi,” Lui said as soon as I opened the door for him. Agad niya akong niyakap at saka bumulong siya sa ’kin. He looked like he came straight from his work. Medyo na-guilty tuloy ako kasi kung anu-ano iyong iniisip ko e mukhang totoo namang tambak siya sa trabaho niya… As if hindi ko alam na ganon naman talaga ang reality sa trabaho namin.

“You look so pretty,” he continued as he wrapped his arms around me as though he was seeking reprieve from that. “Hindi ako nakapagpalit. Dumiretso ako dito.”

Fuck it.

I melted in his arms as I returned the hug. Niyakap ko lang siya nang mahigpit. Dahil din naman sa akin kaya natambakan siya ng trabaho. Kasi kahit naman nagwowork siya habang nasa Bali kami, mas madalas naman na naka-aligid lang siya sa ’kin. Of course hindi siya makakapagtrabaho as efficiently as he could’ve.

I decided to not immediately jump into asking him what his possible involvement was sa mga pending na kaso sa prosecution. I figured we could have a nice dinner first. Kung magtatalo man ulit kami, mamaya na lang. Dalawang araw pa lang na hindi ko siya nakikita, pero miss ko na siya. Mas-e-enjoy muna ako.

We went to a restaurant in BGC. Lui didn’t open the car door for me, but it was fine. He did open the doors for me and let me in the establishment first. Pagpasok din namin sa resto, akala ko ay sa harap ko siya mauupo, pero nandon siya sa tabi ko.

“What?” he asked nang mapansin niya na naka-tingin ako sa kanya.

“Nothing,” I replied.

“Come on, what?” he asked still.

I shrugged. “Wala… Weird lang na nasa tabi kita. Usually sa harap, ’di ba?”

“Do you want me to move there?” tanong niya tapos ay naka-turo sa upuan sa harap ko.

I shrugged again. “Not really,” I said. “Just a bit surprised.”

“Why?”

“Dati kasi sa harap naman kita naka-upo.”

“That was different.”

“How so?”

“We weren’t together then,” he said and then I felt his hand on my thigh. “We’re together now,” he continued and gently squeezed my thigh. “I’d rather sit beside you, so I can touch you.”

I felt my ears burning up nung sabihin niya ’yon habang nasa binti ko iyong kamay niya. Ganito pala siya na boyfriend. Ilang araw pa lang, pero mamamatay na ata ako!

Lui ordered food for the both of us. Mas may tiwala naman kasi ako sa taste niya at hindi pa naman ako nadidisappoint sa mga order niya. Nung umalis iyong waiter, nag-isip ako kung ano ang pag-uusapan namin… kung tatanungin ko na ba iyong sa prosecution. But it’s such a nice night!

“Congrats,” bigla niyang sabi.

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya na naka-kunot ang noo. “Congrats?”

Tumango siya. “You got the job, right?”

“Oh… right,” I said as I reached for the glass of wine and took a sip. “Yes. I’ll be starting on Monday.”

Tumango lang ulit siya. I already made up my mind na pag-uusapan namin ’to, but I’d give us a few more hours para iba muna ang pag-usapan namin. Lui did promise that we’ll talk about it. I’ll just have to trust his words.

“Do you want to talk about it now?” biglang tanong niya.

Agad na napa-tingin ako sa kanya. My lips slightly parted. I didn’t expect him to bring it up first. I thought he’d avoid it for as long as he possibly could.

“Do you… want to?” I asked him back. I had to check my tone. I didn’t want to come off as nagging.

He finished his glass of wine. “Might as well,” he replied, looking at me. “I did promise you honesty,” he continued, giving me a small smile that made me feel guilty dahil parang kung may choice lang siya, ayaw niyang sabihin sa akin.

But if he’s really serious about us, then I should know about this… right?

“Lui,” I called. Napa-tingin siya sa akin. I saw how bothered he was by this. I touched his face and caressed his cheek. “You know… that I love you, right?”

I saw his lips parted.

Like he didn’t know that I love him.

“I don’t expect you to be some sort of… saint,” I continued. “You probably did some shit before. I understand. I promise I won’t judge. I just really want to know you… and I don’t want to be surprised. I’d rather you tell me about whatever it is kaysa bigla ko na lang malaman mula sa ibang tao.”

Lui was staring at me intently like he was trying to get a peek into my soul. He reached for my hand and held it tightly and then kissed the back of my hand.

“Okay,” he said barely audibly.

I nodded and gave him a small smile.

Lui began. I listened. The food was served, but it was not touched at all. Tahimik lang akong nakikinig sa kanya. He did tell me about his family, about the reason why he transferred from med school to law school.

About how he tried to befriend everyone.

Because he knew how one day, he’d need people to get him out of the mess he’s involved in.

“I’ve never told anyone this,” he said as he looked into my eyes.

“…why?” I asked because I had to. He had close friends. He had Samuel, Rhys, and all his other friends. I already knew the answer, but I just wanted to hear it from him.

“Because they’ll see through me,” he replied. “That I’m selfish. And that I am really never anyone’s friend.”

Lui was looking at me like he was begging me to understand him and to be on his side… despite the things that he told me.

“Can you please say something?” he asked when seconds passed and there was only silence on both our ends.

“I love you,” I said because he gave me what I demanded… so what right did I have to take everything he said against him… right?

**

This story is already at Chapter 43 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 36

Chapter 36

I’ve got my iced coffee with me, so how bad can my first day be… right? But gosh, it was so hectic! Pagtapak ko pa lang sa office, inendorse na sa akin lahat ng pending cases na kailangan kong basahin kasi ako ang magrerecommend either may probable cause or for dismissal siya. So, that was my whole morning. Tapos mamaya, may schedule na ako na tatlong inquest. I was so excited but also, kinakabahan ako. Kasi ganito ba talaga sa prosecution? Wala man lang welcome—as in tinapon ako agad sa gitna ng labanan.

“What’s up?” sabi ko nung makita ko na tumatawag siya. Normally, I wouldn’t answer his call kasi personal call ’yon… but it’s lunch break. Pagod na pagod ako. Gusto ko lang naman marinig iyong boses ng boyfriend ko.

“Have you eaten lunch?” he asked.

Natigilan ako. I was so busy that I forgot na hindi pa pala ako kumakain kung hindi pa tumawag sa akin si Lui nung lunch break.

“Thought so,” he said nung hindi agad ako naka-sagot. “I’m ordering food for you.”

“Wait, ngayon na?”

“Yes.”

“Wag na,” sabi ko sa kanya. “Aalis na rin ako in a while. May inquest proceeding ako. Bibili na lang ako ng sandwich on the way.”

Ito iyong panahon na iniisip ko na sana ay naka-FaceTime kami kasi gusto kong makita iyong expression sa mukha ni Lui. Like naka-kunot ba iyong noo niya kasi pasaway ako? Nagwoworry ba siya kasi hindi pa kumakain iyong girlfriend niya? Gusto kong makita iyong mukha niya, but I knew that that could be a slippery slope. Kasi after ko makita iyong mukha niya, gugustuhin ko na makita siya in person.

“Pero… pano mo nalaman na ’di pa ako kumakain?” I asked to fill in the silence kahit sandali pa lang naman ’yon.

“Because I know you,” he replied.

Napa-arko iyong kilay ko. “Really?” I asked because I wasn’t buying his response. Hindi pa naman kami naging magka-trabaho ni Lui. For all he knows, tamad pala ako at bare minimum lang ang ginagawa ko sa trabaho.

“Yes,” he said. “Back in legal clinic, sometimes, when you get so engrossed in the case that you’ll forget to eat because you’re too busy reading on the pertinent laws.”

I pursed my lips and scrunched up my nose. “Ikaw, ha… pinapanood mo ako dati?” tukso ko sa kanya.

“Always,” he replied and ang gwapo ng boses niya sa isip ko. Grabe lang talaga. “Told you—I always had my eyes on you.”

“Alam mo ikaw…”

“What?”

I clicked on my tongue. “Wala, wala,” sabi ko sa kanya. “Thanks for checking up on me, pero aalis na talaga ako in a while. Ang dami kong ginagawa saka tambak iyong kaso dito,” dugtong ko habang naka-tingin sa mga bookshelf na punung-puno ng folders and envelopes. Grabe… ang daming pending. I made a mental note na ayusin agad iyon as fast as humanly possible. Kawawa naman kasi iyong mga naka-kulong dahil lang ’di umuusad iyong kaso nila.

“Alright,” he replied. “Dinner later?”

Napa-tingin ulit ako sa may bundok na pendings. I really wanted to fix that mess, but I knew I couldn’t get that done in a day. Deserve ko naman makipagdate siguro, but promise after nitong dinner with Lui to commemorate my first day in the prosecution, babasahin ko na iyong pending cases.

“Alright. Bye na talaga. See you later,” I said at saka binabaan ko agad siya ng tawag dahil baka tumagal na naman iyong usapan namin.

On my way to the precinct for the inquest proceedings, naka-receive ako ng message from Lui reminding me to buy my sandwich. Independent girl naman ako, but iba pa rin kapag may ibang nag-aalaga sa ’yo. Lui really makes me happy, so I really hope that I make him happy, too.

Pagdating ko sa may presinto, nagpakilala muna ako since first time ko lang dito. Then I was escorted to the room kung saan gaganapin iyong inquest. Huminga ako nang malalim. I kept on telling myself that it’s innocent until proven guilty. Na hindi porke nasa prosecution ako e prosecute na agad ang nasa utak ko—prosecute the guilty and release the innocent dapat.

I greeted the person in custody first before I began with my line of questioning. It lasted a whole hour bago ako natapos. Then may sumunod pa na dalawa. They were obviously lying to my face dahil hindi tugma iyong details ng mga sinasabi nila. It was frustrating but whatever.

Pagbalik ko sa office, I began drafting my recommendation. I recommend the dismissal of the first case since drug related charge ’yon and based sa initial documents presented both nung arresting officer pati nung inquest, wala namang probable cause for arrest since illegal entrapment operation ’yong nangyari. The other two cases, nagrecommend ako na magproceed na sa filing ng proper case.

I was in the middle of drafting nung maka-rinig ako ng katok sa may pintuan. Napa-tingin ako doon.

“Just wanna say hi ,” sabi niya sa akin. She didn’t even have to introduce herself kasi halata sa mukha niya na prosecutor din siya dito.

“Oh. Hi,” sabi ko na napa-ngiti. “Sorry, hindi ako nakapagpakilala kasi ang dami agad na ginawa.”

“No, it’s fine,” sabi niya sa ’kin. “I’m Julia Zaldivar.”

“Tali Hernaez,” I replied with a smile.

Napa-tingin siya sa may table ko. “I see… busy agad?”

Mabilis akong tumango. “Super. Nag-inquest na agad ako,” I told her tapos natawa siya at sinabi niya sa ’kin na sa kanya, pinadala agad siya sa criminal hearing nung first day niya.

“May tip ka ba d’yan?” I asked. I really wanted to make friends here. Nung sa dati kong trabaho, wala akong naging kaibigan talaga don… which was sad. Okay naman iyong mga tao sana doon kaya lang mas naniwala sila sa chismis tungkol sa lovelife ko.

“I wish,” pabiro niyang sabi. “Just show up, do your job, rinse, and repeat.” Natawa ako. Tama naman siya. “Pero nagddraft ka na ba ng recommendation?” she asked.

Tumango ako. “Dismissal ’yung sa may drug related case since illegal entrapment ’yung ginawa nung police,” I replied. Ewan ko ba sa mga police na incharge dito. Alam naman nila na mahigpit kapag drug related charge. Bakit ’di sila sumusunod sa proper procedure? Kahit nung nasa law school pa lang ako, alam ko na ’yon, e.

“Oh…” she said, but there was a slight change in her tone kaya napa-angat nang kaunti iyong kilay ko.

“What?” I asked, worried, dahil baka magkamali ako. Unang recommendation ko pa naman ’to. Ayoko lang magkamali.

“Nothing,” she said, but I looked at her, urging to help me kung may maitutulong siya sa ’kin. “I mean… you do you, pero unang kaso mo pa lang, may masasabon na agad na pulis. Just thought you should know—nagtatanim ng sama ng loob ’yong mga ’yon.”

Napaawang iyong labi ko.

Julia smiled at me. “But you’ll be fine,” she said even though her tone told me that I would not be fine.

Umalis na si Julia at lahat, pero nasa isip ko pa rin iyong sinabi niya. Naka-tingin lang ako sa screen at iniisip kung ano ang gagawin ko. I definitely shouldn’t change my recommendation… Ginagawa ko lang naman iyong trabaho ko. Kung ginawa din nung mga pulis iyong trabaho nila, e ’di wala sanang problema. Bakit naging problema ko bigla ’to?

Ito ang ang iniisip ko hanggang sa maka-uwi ako sa condo. Hanggang sa pagligo ko at sa pag-aayos ko para sa dinner namin ni Lui ay iyon pa rin ang bumabagabag sa isip ko.

“You okay?” tanong ni Lui dahil biglang nagspace out na naman ako.

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. “I’m conflicted,” I told him because I really needed him to back me up on this one.

“Work-related?”

“Duh. Don lang naman umiikot ang buhay ko. Wala na ata akong social life,” I vented kasi super busy ni Alisha lately kaya ’di kami nagkikita. But we promised that we’ll meet this month—I mean, we have to! Friendship requires hard work din, noh.

Lui tucked a portion of my hair on the back of my ears. “What is it about?” he asked as he stared at me lovingly kaya na-distract ako for a while.

I began to tell him about my dilemma but I didn’t tell him in detail iyong sa mismong case. “So… I should still proceed with the initial recommendation, right? Kasi iyon ang trabaho ko? Hindi naman siguro ako pag-iinitan nung mga pulis, right? Kasi trabaho lang, walang personalan dapat? Pero at the same time, ayoko rin ng issue sa work kasi ganon din iyong nangyari sa work ko dati.” I groaned. “Bakit ang hirap magtrabaho nang mapayapa?”

Hindi agad nagsalita si Lui, so I grabbed the opportunity to wrap my arms around his right arm tapos ay sinandal ko iyong ulo ko sa may balikat niya. I snuggled closer and calmed myself down with his scent.

“I’ll do the right thing,” I mumbled. “I vowed to uphold the law. Kawawa naman iyong lalaki if ever… saka kahit naman ’di ako magrecommend ng dismissal, if his lawyer’s even half-good, he’ll see the lapses doon sa may paghuli don sa may lalaki.”

It had been a long day, so I let myself bask in Lui’s presence. I could honestly just stay here, clinging onto him and it would be the best day ever… but at the same time, aware din ako na hindi siya nagsasalita. I looked at him.

“Ano sa tingin mo?” I asked.

“It’s your work,” he simply replied.

“And I’m asking for your input,” I said.

He shrugged and tried to make it as casual as possible. “You said it yourself—the case will get dismissed either way.”

Bahagyang napa-kunot ang noo ko. “You’re saying na baguhin ko iyong recommendation ko?”

“No,” mabilis niyang sabi. “I told you—it’s your job. Do whatever you think is right.”

“But if you were me?”

He grabbed the glass of wine. “But it’s not me,” sabi niya.

“You’ll recommend the case to proceed?” I asked. “I’m not like judging…” I continued. “As you said, at the end of the day, ako pa rin naman ang gagawa ng recommendation.”

Lui didn’t want to answer—and that was my answer.

“Are you disappointed?” he asked.

Sinandal ko ulit iyong ulo ko sa may braso niya. “No,” I replied.

I mean… Julia would also do the same. And probably all the other prosecutors… It was the smart thing to do—madidismiss din naman iyong kaso plus hindi ako pag-iinitan nung mga pulis.

But that’s just an excuse that I’ll tell myself to make me sleep at night.

If I do recommend the case to proceed, the guy will continue to stay behind bars. He probably has a family who worries about him. Also, I’ve seen the prison cell and I would not want to stay there even for a freaking night. Sa bagal ng usad ng kaso dito sa Pinas, possible na umabot ng taon bago pa makarating talaga sa court docket iyong kaso nung lalaki.

So, no, I wouldn’t change my recommendation.

“Lui,” I called.

“Hmm?” he replied.

I looked up and smiled at him. “I love you,” I said.

Bahagyang naka-kunot ang noo niya, but only for a split second before leaned in and planted a soft kiss on my lips. I was very much aware that he hasn’t said it back, but it’s fine. He’d say it to me when he’s ready and when that day comes, I’ll be the happiest. 

**

This story is already at Chapter 44 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 37

Chapter 37

I was stressing… but it’s probably nothing. I mean, at the end of the day, it’s just work, right? Alam naman siguro nung mga pulis na ’yon na trabaho lang, walang personalan.

But god, this was so stressful! Tuwing pupunta ako sa precinct for work, kinakabahan ako. Hindi ko naman kasalanan na ang dami nilang lapses sa procedure kaya ang daming nadidismiss na kaso. Trabaho nilang manghuli at trabaho ko naman na iensure na na-apply nang maayos iyong batas—at least during the preliminary. The cases wouldn’t have been dismissed had they done their due diligence.

“What?” I asked nang mapansin ko na may mga naka-tingin sa akin habang naglalakad ako. It was making me feel so uncomfortable. Parang nagkaroon ng warflashbacks kasi ganito din sa dati kong workplace.

“Nothing,” Julia replied.

“Really?” I asked, my brow slightly arched.

Julia grabbed me by my arm tapos ay naglakad kami hanggang sa maka-labas kami. She offered me a stick of cigarette, but I politely declined. Lui and I made a deal na hindi na kami maninigarilyo pareho. I’d been so good! Kahit parang mababaliw ako kasi sobrang stressful ng work, hindi pa rin ako naninigarilyo.

“So?” I asked nung nasindihan niya na iyong sigarilyo niya.

“May bagong case,” she said. I patiently waited kasi ano naman kinalaman ko sa kaso na ’yon? As far as I was concerned, focused lang ako sa workload ko. May personal quota ako na sinusunod kasi goal ko talaga na maubos iyong pending cases.

“Alam mo ’yung sa initiation?” she continued.

Slowly, I nodded. “What about that?” I asked because as far as I knew, dismissed na ’yon. Lui did tell me about that. He told me na wala talaga siya doon sa mismong venue at pinatawag siya nung nagkaloko-loko na. He didn’t name names pero sinabi niya na maraming malalaking tao iyong present nung initiation na ’yon. If I were being honest, I wasn’t all that surprised when the case got dismissed…

Was I disappointed? Yes. Surprised? Not at all.

“Na-approve daw ’yung petition for new trial.”

Napa-kunot ang noo ko. “May bagong evidence?”

“Apparently,” Julia replied.

“And they’re looking at me because…”

Julia shrugged. “Beats me,” she said, but we both knew she’s lying. Naka-tingin sila sa akin dahil ano? Pakiramdam nila dahil lang boyfriend ko si Lui, ano? Ipapa-dismiss ko iyong kaso? Seriously? Ganon ba ang tingin nila sa akin? After ko maging enemy number one ata ng presinto dahil sa mga recommendation ko.

The whole day, I was just focused on my work. Hindi ko inisip iyong sinabi sa akin ni Julia. ’Di naman siguro maaassign sa akin iyong kaso… I mean, not saying na hindi ako impartial, but magkakaroon pa rin ng look of impartiality of magiging part ako ng prosecution. Ang laking kaso pa naman nito.

“Thank you,” sabi ko nung ilagay sa lamesa ko iyong bagong batch ng kaso na hawak ko. Medyo kinakabahan ako nung isa-isa kong tinitignan iyong mga pangalan doon. So far, wala naman akong nababasa na new trial para doon sa initiation case.

“What?” I asked nung may kumatok sa pinto at nakita ko na sumilip si Julia. She’s usually busy with her own caseload kaya sigurado ako na ’di naman siya pupunta dito para maki-chismis.

“New case?” she asked, pointing at the mountain of papers on my table. I nodded. “Ano ’yung cases mo?”

“Why?” I asked, a bit confused with this sudden interest.

“Humor me,” she replied.

I began telling her about the new cases. There was no change on her expression, but for some reason, something was telling me that she had personal interest sa isa sa mga kaso na nabanggit ko sa kanya.

“Thanks,” she replied. “By the way, na-assign sa ’kin ’yung sa may initiation,” she continued.

I gave her a short nod. She gave me a… look. Why? Did she expect me to ask for a favor? Sigurado ako na walang kinalaman doon si Lui. He told me na wala siya nung gabing ’yon. I wasn’t worried about that.

“Alright. Good luck sa work,” she said at tumango na lang ako kasi… what? Good luck? Seriously?

I wanted to just focus on my work, but Julia bothered me so much so kaya napa-search ako sa mga pangalan na nasa kaso ko. It didn’t even take me that long to figure out kung ano iyong kaso na interesado si Julia.

I was so bothered na nagtext agad ako kay Lui kung nasaan siya. I just needed to talk to him once again. I just needed him to assure me na wala siyang kinalaman sa nangyari nung gabing ’yon because I had a nagging feeling inside me na hihingi ng pabor sa akin si Julia. I wish I didn’t think that way but I did notice that she had the… ability to look the other way. Hindi ko pa rin malilimutan kung paano niya sinabi sa akin na ’wag magrecommend ng dismissal para lang mas mapadali iyong buhay ko. As if we didn’t take an oath to uphold the law.

Lui didn’t answer immediately. I tried to call him and he answered after the second ring.

“Hey, baby, why?” he said pagka-sagot niya nung tawag. “I’m driving.”

“Oh…” sabi ko. Nagda-drive pala siya. “San ka papunta?”

“Meeting a friend,” he replied.

“Sino?”

“Samuel,” he said.

Bahagyang napa-kunot iyong noo ko, pero agad ko ring naalala kung sino si Samuel. He mentioned him a couple of times, pero ang mas naaalala ko ay kung paano ayaw pag-usapan ni Lui si Samuel. It’s like it was a topic that he’d rather avoid discussing.

“Oh, okay,” I replied.

“Why’d you call?”

“I wanted to ask you kung gusto mong magdinner,” I said instead.

“I’m not sure what time I’ll finish,” he replied.

“It’s fine,” I said. “Can you swing by the condo after mo don?”

“Okay,” he said. “I’m already here. I’ll text you kung makakapunta ako sa ’yo mamaya.”

I honestly didn’t think na makaka-punta pa si Lui sa condo ko kaya naman nagdinner na ako mag-isa. I hated how Julia got into my head. I mean, that’s what she wanted, right? Kasi bakit naman siya dadaan sa office ko kung hindi? She already knew na hindi ako nagpapadala sa mga ganon… Ano kaya ang balak niyang gawin?

The whole night was filled with me trying to watch a movie while overthinking. Naka-tulog na ako sa couch. Nung magising ako, nakita ko na walang text si Lui. Agad na napa-kunot iyong noo ko. Simula nung naging kami, he’d always text me and update me kung makaka-punta ba siya o hindi. Usually nagkaka-conflict talaga kami sa oras, but it was fine since I understand that work is work… All I wanted was to be informed dahil ’di kaya nakaka-tuwa maghintay sa wala.

I woke up earlier than usual dahil maaga akong naka-tulog. Dumaan ako sa coffeeshop and got us breakfast. Nasa condo pa naman si Lui for sure. Dumiretso ako sa unit niya habang hawak ko iyong paperbag na may laman na coffee and cheese toastie. I knocked on the door. I heard footsteps kaya alam ko na nasa loob si Lui. A few seconds passed at hindi pa bumubukas iyong pinto.

I called him on his phone. Narinig ko pa na nagring ’yon.

‘Are you hiding someone there?’ agad na text ko sa kanya.

“Seriously, why do you always think I’m cheating,” sabi niya pagka-bukas niya ng pinto pero halos ’di ko narinig iyong sinabi niya nung makita ko na may pasa sa may bandang ilalim nung kaliwang mata niya.

“What the—” I said and then took a step forward. Halos mabitawan ko iyong hawak ko na paper bag. I held his face. “Sino’ng sumuntok sa ’yo?!”

“It’s nothing,” he tried to say. “Tumama lang iyong mukha ko—”

I stared at him—the kind of stare that told him to not lie to me because I’d know kapag nagsisinungaling siya. Seriously, hindi pa ba niya ako kilala? Mas gusto kong ma-disappoint niya ako sa kung anuman ang ginawa niya kaysa mahuli ko siya na nagsisinungaling.

“Seriously, it’s nothing,” he said tapos ay dahan-dahan niyang tinanggal iyong kamay ko sa mukha niya. He got the paper bag from me at tinignan iyong laman non. “Wow. Thank you,” he added and placed a kiss on my cheek.

Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya nung maglakad siya papunta sa may lamesa. Nilagay niya doon iyong pagkain at saka tinanggal iyon mula sa paper bag. Then he turned to look at me as if he was motioning me to go there para makapagbreakfast na kami.

“Did Samuel punch you?” I asked him.

A lot of things were crossing my mind. Ngayon ko lang ulit narinig si Samuel mula sa kanya. He didn’t really talk much about him, so I really didn’t know much about him. Tapos sakto pa na sinabi ni Julia na may new trial doon sa initiation na kaso. Tapos biglang nagkita sila ni Samuel. Tapos may pasa sa mukha si Lui.

Seriously, what the hell was happening?

“Yes,” Lui replied. “Can we please have breakfast?”

I pursed my lips together. Naglakad ako papunta sa may table. I took the seat. Lui tried his best to ignore my stares and focused on eating. I was watching his every move.

“What happened?” I asked him one more time, giving him the chance to come clean kaysa ako ang makaalam ng kung anuman iyong ayaw niyang sabihin. I had a gutfeeling na may kinalaman ’to sa new trial.

“Nothing—”

“Did you lie to me?” I asked. “Because there’s a new trial para doon sa may initiation. Apparently, there’s new evidence. Kaya ba kayo nagkita ni Samuel?”

Diretso lang na naka-tingin sa akin si Lui. “Seriously, Tali…” he trailed, but never finished.

“What?”

I saw his jaw clenching. “I already told you—wala akong kinalaman ’don. Why do you always think I’m lying to you?”

“Because you’re always dodgy!”

“Dodgy?” he asked, his jaw clenching once again.

“You didn’t answer—”

“I was driving,” mabilis na sagot niya.

“You didn’t text—”

“I—” he said and the paused. He looked at me as he took a deep breath. “I forgot, okay?” he said after a few seconds that felt awfully long. “It had been a long night. Nakalimutan ko. Can you let it go? Just this once?”

I bit my tongue.

I hated that we’re arguing first thing in the morning.

“Okay,” I said, conceding. “I’m sorry,” I added.

Naka-tingin sa akin si Lui. I saw him sighing as he stood up, leaned in, and planted a kiss on my forehead.

“I’m sorry, too,” he said. “I genuinely forgot.”

Tumango lang ako. Gusto ko pa siyang tanungin tungkol kay Samuel at kung ano iyong koneksyon non sa bagong trial, but I felt like I’d be pushing my luck. I didn’t want to argue with Lui. I hated arguing with him. It exhausts me so much.

Tahimik lang ako hanggang sa maubos ko iyong sandwich at kape ko. Naramdaman ko na patingin-tingin si Lui sa akin. I just bit my tongue whenever the urge to question him arises. Babasahin ko na lang ulit iyong kaso pagdating ko sa trabaho. I couldn’t ask him, but he also couldn’t stop me from searching answers for my questions.

“I didn’t lie,” bigla niyang sabi. Napa-tingin lang ako sa kanya. “I wasn’t there that night. I told you that they just called me when they were panicking dahil hindi na humihinga ’yung neo.”

I didn’t say a word—I just kept on looking at him.

“Samuel,” he began and then paused like he was trying to find the right words to tell me. “He’s just pissed.”

“Why?” I asked before I could even stop my mouth.

“Because we both weren’t there when it happened, but he got the short end of the stick.”

My forehead was slight creased with confusion.

“He failed the BAR.”

“How is that your fault?” I asked. Mahirap bumagsak sa BAR, alam ko, pero bakit naman niya sisisihin si Lui? Hindi naman si Lui iyong nagtake ng exam niya. Pare-pareho lang naman kaming nagpaka-hirap magreview.

“It’s not but—” He paused. “His life basically got fucked after that night, Tali. He failed the BAR, broke up with Deanne, barely passed the BAR, and now he can’t get in the top firms.”

“So what—”

“I’ll stop you now bago pa kung ano ang masabi mo,” sabi niya. “Samu’s my friend, Tali. The frat fucked him up. You wouldn’t understand. I honestly don’t know how he failed the exam. The frat must’ve done something, but I can’t prove it,” he continued. “And now… it’s like the nightmare will resume.”

I drew a deep breath. It’s clear that Lui cares about Samuel. I felt bad for my earlier remarks.

“If…” I carefully began. “If wala naman talaga kayo don… he shouldn’t be worried… right?”

But Lui just looked at me like I didn’t and wouldn’t be able to understand. 

**

This story is already at Chapter 37 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 38

Chapter 38

I tried to keep my head down and just focused on my work. I kept on telling myself that not my monkeys, not my circus. I’d just have to hold on to what Lui said na hindi siya involved doon sa may initiation. I’d just focus on my workload… and I guess I’d have to draw a very professional line kay Julia in any case that she’d decide to ask for a freaking favor.

I mean… seriously?

The hell does she take me for?

“San ka?”

Napa-tigil ako nung marinig ko iyong pagtawag sa akin ni Julia. I drew a deep breath and tried to maintain composure. Paano niya nalaman iyong schedule ko? Did she bribe the paralegals? Seriously? Wala na ba talaga akong mapagkakatiwalaan sa trabaho na ’to?

“Inquest,” I lied even though I knew na alam niya kung saan talaga ako papunta. I made the conscious decision na ’wag dito gawin iyong interview. I just knew that Julia’s lurking around. I mean, honestly, I really tried to empathize with her… He’s her best friend… But also, Julia’s not dumb.

I knew, therefore she knew, too, that he’s so fucking guilty that I literally should just throw him in jail myself. But we have the law to uphold, so I’ll just stick to doing my job… as should she.

“I’m reading the witness’ testimony again,” she said.

“Okay?” I replied because what did she want? A fucking round of applause?

Julia and I could’ve been really good friends… if not for her lack of morals.

“I think I’ll have to send a summon again,” she continued. “I found some inconsistencies.”

“Okay,” I just said tapos ay tumango ako. I began to walk. I really needed to go dahil lumuwas pa galing sa probinsya iyong iinterviewhin ko. Narinig ko na tinawag ulit ako ni Julia, but I just pretended not to hear her.

Thankfully, mas nauna akong dumating. I read the copy of the complaint again. Working as a prosecutor, I wanted to say that I was already used to reading complaints… pero meron talaga akong mga ayaw na hinahawakan—rape being one of them.

I just… can’t and refuse to

understand.

Do some people really get the thrill in forcing themselves on others? Why can’t they just find someone who’s willing? Or if wala talaga, just fucking pay someone to sleep with you. God!

Agad na napa-tingin ako nang maramdaman ko na may naka-tingin sa akin. I immediately recognized her face… and I hated that my memory of her included the bruising on her neck and arms dahil sa higpit ng pagkaka-hawak sa kanya.

“Hi,” I greeted. She just nodded at me. I knew that this must be hard for her. Alam ko na ilang beses niya ng sinabi ’to pero heto ako, tatanungin na naman siya. “May mga gusto lang akong itanong.”

Hindi siya nagsalita.

Diretso lang siyang naka-tingin sa akin. Hindi ko matanto kung ano iyong naglalaro sa isip niya, pero sigurado ako na may takot sa mga mata niya.

“Na…” sabi niya at saka natigilan. “Naniniwala po ba kayo sa ’kin?”

My heart just broke when I heard her question.

“Hindi naman po ako nagsisinungaling… Hindi ko lang po talaga alam na gagawin niya sa ’kin ’yon kaya wala po akong ebidensya… Hindi po ba talaga sapat na sinabi ko na ginawa niya ’yung mga ginawa niya sa ’kin?”

I knew I shouldn’t reach for her hand.

I knew that as much as I sympathize with her, I should remain professional.

But I did it anyway.

I held her hand and squeezed it and hoped that with that, she knew that I was on her side. Because I read her complaint… as well as all the other complaints that were dismissed…

And they all tell the same story.

What kind of a fucked up coincidence would that be, if ever?

---

Hindi ko namalayan na medyo matagal din pala iyong naging interview. I just wanted to make sure that everything’s in order. Ewan ko ba, pero medyo duda talaga ako… Basically same lang naman iyong complaint ngayon sa complaint dati pero na-dismiss sila. So, I decided to make sure na maayos iyong recommendation ko para walang room for questioning.

Hindi rin naman ako bobo—alam ko rin naman na nababayaran iyong mga judge dito sa Pilipinas. Minsan nga iniisip ko na mas okay siguro kung jury system… but then again, do we have the capacity to actually protect the jury?

Ay, ewan.

Alam ko naman na ’di ko mababago overnight iyong sistema, so I’d just do my part and actually prosecute those who deserves to be prosecuted.

After that, dumiretso na ako pabalik sa opisina. Puro paperworks lang ang gagawin ko ngayon kasi bukas ay kung saan-saang court na naman ako makakarating. Puro estafa lang naman iyong naka-sched bukas. That should be easy kasi mas technical siya for me.

I kept to myself the entire day dahil ayokong biglang maka-salubong si Julia. I also told the paralegal na ’wag sabihin kung kanino iyong schedule ko. Medyo masungit iyong dating ko, but whatever. Mas ayoko na available for all ata iyong information ko.

“Hey…” I said nung makita ko na tumawag si Lui. He’s been busy the past few days. I knew it was about Samuel, but I didn’t really press on. I kinda felt guilty when I implied na fault ni Samuel na bumagsak siya. That was so low of me. Para bang bigla kong nalimutan iyong stress and mental toll na dala nung BAR exam na tipong kapag wala lang thigh part sa Jollibee ay naiinis na agad ako.

“Are you done?”

Napa-tingin ako sa orasan. Past 5PM na pala.

“Almost, why? Dinner tayo?” I asked.

“Yes, please,” he replied. I could hear the tiredness in his voice. Ano kaya iyong nangyari? I really didn’t know kung ano iyong progress doon sa reopening nung case. ’Di naman kasi ako kagaya ni Julia na nakikielam sa kaso ng may kaso.

Lui told me that he’s already in the parking. Kanina pa ba siya? Bakit ngayon lang siya tumawag? Nagmadali ako. I immediately saw his car parked next to mine. Siraulo talaga ’to… nakita ng reserved parking ’yon para sa prosecutors, e.

I knocked on the window. Instead of him just rolling the windows down, he opened the door. Medyo nagtaka ako sa ginawa niya lalo na nung lumabas siya sa sasakyan niya. Agad na napaawang iyong labi ko nung yakapin niya ako.

“I missed you,” he whispered as he hugged me tightly.

I softened in his embrace. “Miss na rin kita…” I replied.

“Can we just ride in my car? Then I’ll drive you to your work tomorrow?”

“Why? Sa condo ka ba matutulog?”

I felt him nodding as he hugged me tighter. “Yes,” he said in such a way that calmed me so much even though I knew that there were secrets hiding behind these hugs. “I missed you so much, baby.”

What the hell could I really do but to say yes to him?

We got in his car. Agad na napansin ko iyong pagvvibrate ng cellphone niya. Someone’s calling him and he’s ignoring whoever it was.

“Kanina pa tumatawag,” I told him when we got stuck in the middle of traffic.

Kinuha niya iyong cellphone. Ni hindi niya man lang tinignan kung sino iyong tumatawag at pinatay agad iyon.

“Baka importante—”

“You’re here with me. I don’t need to talk to anyone right now,” he said.

In another circumstance, my heart would literally skip a beat with the words that were coming from him… but god, sometimes, I hated that I knew better… and I hated it even more because oftentimes, I’d see myself pretending that I didn’t know any better because I’d rather be blissfully happy and ignorant than to be anything else.

Lui told me that he’s selfish.

Apparently, I am just the same.

Lui reached for my hand and held it habang naghihintay kami na maka-usad. It was rush hour. Hindi na siguro kami makakapagdinner sa labas dahil sa bigat ng traffic ngayon. It’s fine, anyway. Mas gusto ko namang magstay na lang sa condo kasama si Lui. I just wanted some quality time with him.

I decided na he can be busy with his work and personal affairs and I’d do the same. And then we can just be happy together.

I was fiddling with the radio stations when I felt my phone vibrating. Napa-tigil ako sa ginagawa ko para i-check kung ano iyong notification. I immediately rolled my eyes nang makita ko na email ’yon galing kay Julia. She didn’t use her work email.

‘Thought you should see this,’ was the subject of the e-mail.

Agad akong napa-tingin kay Lui na naka-sandal iyong ulo sa may bintana habang naka-tingin sa labas. He looked so… innocent. And I knew that he’s far from that.

I stared at my phone. Bago ko pa man buksan, alam ko na tungkol kay Lui ’yung e-mail na ’to. I just knew it.

And I probably shouldn’t open it… because I knew Julia’s end goal. She wanted me to withdraw the case against Villamontes. Kagaya nung ibang mga complaints na na-dismiss kahit na malakas iyong ebidensya.

Kasi ano? Pera-pera lang?

“What’s that?” Lui asked. Kanina pa siguro ako naka-tingin sa cellphone ko at hindi ko namalayan.

I looked at him. Inside my head, I was debating on what I should do. I should tell him… right? Kasi ano naman kung sabihin ko sa kanya? He said na wala siyang ginawang masama nung gabing ’yon… so why would Julia’s little taunt matter? Si Lui lang naman ang may pakielam ako sa frat na ’yon.

“Nothing,” I said as I tried to act as casual as possible. Why? Ewan ko. I probably wanted to see Lui’s reaction. Because as much as he could act casual, there is always this split-second reaction wherein I could see what really goes on in his head. “Just my workmate, Zaldivar,” I continued… and there it was. The slight panic in his eyes.

Lui tried to act nonchalant, but the way he held onto the steering wheel told me otherwise.

“She just sent a file asking for my opinion.”

“Why?” he asked. “Marami ka ng workload.”

“Yes, but it’s fine,” I replied as I clicked on the file at mabilis na nagload iyong pdf file. I quickly scanned the manuscript of the witness’ testimony. And then I saw the highlighted part.

Napa-tingin ako kay Lui. And I wished I didn’t because I just saw the guilt on his face.

“You said you weren’t there,” I told him. “Why does this testimony say that you were there because you were the one who invited all those alumni?”

Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya. I knew he hated the fact that we’re stuck in the middle of the traffic and he couldn’t just walk away from me.

“I didn’t hit Jake—”

“That wasn’t the question, was it?” mabilis na sagot ko sa kanya. “You said na wala ka don.”

“Does it matter—”

“Yes, it does!” I shouted. “You damn well know na lahat ng umattend sa initiation, kesyo pumalo ka o hindi, kasama sa complaint.”

His hold on the steering wheel tightened. “I didn’t even hold the fucking paddle, Tali—”

“Neither did Samuel,” I quickly shot back. I saw his jaw clenching. “That’s why you’re so guilty… because you were the one who was there… but Samuel got screwed up… kahit wala naman talaga siya don…” I said as I was quickly putting the puzzle pieces together.

Because I knew Lui.

I love him… but he wasn’t that nice.

He wouldn’t feel so guilty… unless there was something to feel guilty about.

“Does Samuel know?” I asked him.

Lui looked at me. “You don’t understand—”

“Then make me,” I snapped back. “Because from where I am standing, you are involved in this case that’s been reopened and for some reason, I feel like I’m being blackmailed into dismissing a rape case, Lui—a fucking rape case. Do you understand the situation you’re putting me in?”

But Lui was just looking at me.

I waited for him to give me something.

“I’m not asking you to do anything. I didn’t hit Jake,” he reiterated as he stared directly into my eyes like he was asking me to listen to every word. “But I guess, finally, welcome to the real fucking world, Tali.” 

**

This story is already at Chapter 46 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 39

Chapter 39

The rest of the ride was awfully quiet.

No one was talking… yet the tension was so thick that I was practically choking on it. Gustung-gusto ko ng bumababa kahit na nasa gitna kami ng traffic. But I knew that I shouldn’t. Kasi kapag bumaba ako ngayon, mas lalala lang ’yung pangyayari… kahit na sa totoo lang, hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit.

Lui pulled over in front of my condo. At least nagka-intindihan din pala kami kahit hindi kami nag-usap. He didn’t go to the basement parking like usual.

Hindi pa siya tuluyang nakaka-tigil, pero natanggal ko na agad iyong seatbelt ko. I was so ready to get out of his car. I just wanted some air. I needed to fucking breathe.

Pero agad na napa-tingin ako sa kanya nang i-lock niya muli iyong pintuan nung bubuksan ko ’yon.

“What are you doing?” I asked, looking at him.

“Let’s talk first,” he said.

I pressed my lips together. “Not now,” I replied.

Lui was still looking at me like he was telling me to give it up dahil hindi ako aalis sa sasakyan niya hanggang hindi kami nag-uusap muli.

“You’re the one who’s always asking me to talk,” he shot back. Lui’s usually level-headed… and that has always made me wonder… kung marami ba siyang tinatago o talagang isa lang siya sa mga ma-swerteng tao na walang masyadong dinadalang problema.

But I was wrong—so wrong.

Lui’s just like everybody else—he’s just way better at hiding the skeletons in his closet…

“Well, excuse me for wanting some time to wrap my head around the fact that you just lied under oath,” I snapped back at him.

“You talk like I was the one who killed him.”

“Conspiracy—act of one is act of all. Did you conveniently forget what we learned in Criminal Law?” mabilis na sagot ko sa kanya.

I watched as he pressed his lips together and as his jaw clenched. I knew that I was pushing his buttons… but he’s putting me in an impossible position, too!

“Conspiracy must be established, not by conjectures, but by positive and conclusive evidence,” he said as he stared directly into my eyes. “Or did you forget that, Prosecutor Tali, because you want to believe in the worst in me?” he continued, sarcasm dripping in his voice.

Agad na napaawang iyong labi ko. “Are you being serious?” hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko sa sinabi niya sa ’kin.

I had given him all the opportunities in the world to come clean to me, but he had always chosen to lie! He lies about everything that I was starting to wonder kung may totoo ba sa mga sinabi niya sa ’kin.

“Yes, I was there, but no, I didn’t participate in the hazing,” sagot niya sa ’kin.

“Then why didn’t you just tell me?”

“Because it didn’t matter.”

“Well, it matters to me!”

“No, it doesn’t—”

“I just told you,” I said in anger, quickly cutting him off. “I’m being blackmailed to dismiss a rape case, Lui! A rape case! Naiintindihan mo ba ’yon?”

Humigpit ang pagkaka-hawak ni Lui sa manibela. Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya habang sinasandal niya iyong ulo niya sa may headrest at saka sandaling pinikit ang mga mata niya.

“I’m not asking you to do anything, Tali,” sabi niya nang buksan niya ang mga mata niya at muling tumingin sa ’kin. “I never asked you for anything then, and I’m not asking you for anything now.”

I pressed my lips together.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko sa kanya.

All I could feel was the heaving in my chest as I tried to contain the multitude of emotions crossing my body all at once.

“I wasn’t included in the complaint because I was the one who invited all the alumni. If they involve my name, they know that I won’t lie under oath and I will drop all the names,” sabi niya habang naka-tingin sa ’kin. “And I’m not asking you to dismiss the case on my behalf, Tali… believe me, that case will be dismissed one way or another.”

I could feel the trembling of my lips.

Lui cupped my face with his hands.

“Tali, baby, I love how idealistic you are… but you can’t change the world overnight…” he said as he caressed my face with his thumbs.

I could feel my chest tightening.

My vision of him was blurring.

I could just explode from my disappointment.

Lui quickly wiped the tears as quickly as they fell.

“Why are you like this?” I asked in between sobs. I was just so disappointed in him… and in myself… Has he always been like this? Did I fall for him while knowing that he’s as selfish as this?

“What? Realistic?”

“No. Immoral,” I replied as I peeled his hold on my face. Mabilis kong pinahid iyong mga luha ko. I unlocked the door again, but it was still locked from his side. “Unlock this,” I said without looking at his face.

Dati, iniiwasan kong tumingin sa kanya dahil alam ko na mabilis akong bibigay sa isang tingin, isang ngiti niya lang.

Ngayon? I just couldn’t and didn’t want to look at him.

“No.”

“Lui—”

Agad akong natigilan nang nakita ko iyong paraan ng pagtingin niya sa akin. There was a mixture of hurt… of betrayal on his face. I hated that I immediately wanted to apologize when I saw the hurt on his face… kahit alam ko sa sarili ko na totoo sa nararamdaman ko iyong mga sinabi ko.

“You told me to be honest,” he said… and I could clearly hear the accusation on his voice. “And I’ve been honest, Tali—too honest, even. I probably should’ve just lied to you. I should’ve just told you what you wanted to hear—about the rainbows and unicorns and how justice always prevails. Kasi iyon naman ’yung gusto mong marinig, ’di ba?”

The guilt began to weigh in on my chest.

Palabo nang palabo iyong paningin ko.

I was feeling the guilt and the disappointment altogether.

It was exhausting.

“You kept on telling me to be honest. You kept on telling me that you love me,” he continued. “What a liar you are, Italia Reign.”

The tears kept on flowing… and then it started to get hard to breathe. Tahimik lang akong naka-tingin sa kanya habang humihikbi. Hindi ako maka-hinga. Ang bigat-bigat ng pakiramdam ko.

Did he really think that I lied to him? I really do love him that’s why I am this disappointed. I expected better from him… or at least I wanted him to want to be better. Pero hindi naman ako tanga. Kitang-kita ko sa mga mata niya na ayos na siya sa ganito.

Kasi bakit nga naman hindi? It’s clearly benefitting him. Why change the system that already benefits you? Only a fool would do that.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal na iyong minuto na lumipas. Hindi ako umaalis dahil alam ko na hindi niya rin ako papaalisin. Hindi ko rin alam kung paano ako aalis kasi ang tagal bago ako nakarating dito.

Parang pangarap na matagal mo ng inasam… hanggang mapagtanto mo na iba pala iyon kumpara sa nakikita mo sa panaginip mo.

“What do you want to do?” he asked after minutes that felt like eternity. Ramdam ko na naka-tingin siya sa akin habang naka-yuko lang ako at patuloy ang pagtulo ng luha. Hindi ako nagsalita. I felt him reaching for my face and his thumb caressing my cheek. “Do you want to break up?” he quietly asked.

I felt my chest tightening even more.

And then I found myself shaking my head.

“Good,” I heard him say. “I don’t want that, too.”

I quietly cried… because what else could I do? I was so in love with him… but I was also so disappointed in him…

“You don’t have to dismiss the case on my behalf. I will never ask that of you,” he said. “But you will never win that case. I’m sure you’ve read about the other cases.” I looked at him with my tear-stained face. Lui’s face softened. “You can’t take every case to heart, Tali. You’ll kill yourself.”

“Paano mo nalaman na madidismiss iyong kaso?” tanong ko habang pilit na kinakalma iyong sarili ko.

“Because,” he said like that was enough.

“Because what?”

He cupped both of my face with his hands. “Because that’s how the world works. Justice can be bought. It has always been that way.”

I felt my tears pooling around my eyes again.

Why was he like this?

Why am I in love with someone like him?

“So you just want me to what? Let it be?”

“Of course not,” he said as he wiped the tears. “You can proceed with the case, but if not with you, they’ll pay the witness. If not the witness, they’ll buy the judge. Everyone has a price.”

I looked him straight in the eye. “What’s your price?” I asked him.

Lui didn’t say a word, but from the look on his face, I knew that he knew what his price was… but it was a secret that only he will know.

“You can continue with the case,” he said, changing the route of the conversation. “I’ll never ask you to drop a case on my behalf.”

“And if she includes you in the complaint?” I asked.

“Don’t worry about it,” he replied like he was already certain that there’s no way na madadamay siya sa reopening ng kaso.

“Si Samuel?”

I saw the change of his expression. He wasn’t completely hopeless. Kita ko iyong bigat ng konsensya sa mukha niya. He probably really felt guilty about what happened to him… Kaya siguro hinayaan niya na suntukin siya ni Samuel.

“Did he know?” I asked when I was reminded of the bruise on his face. Kaya ba siya sinuntok ni Samuel? Dahil nalaman niya na nandon talaga si Lui? Na kahit na alam niya na kapag pumunta doon si Samuel ay madadamay siya ay ginawa niya pa rin?

How he fucked Samuel’s life with a single decision on his part?

“No,” he simply replied. “It won’t change anything.”

Muling isinandal ni Lui iyong likuran niya sa may upuan. Naka-hawak sa manibela iyong dalawang kamay niya.

“Everything will be fine,” he said. “Samuel included. He’ll be fine.”

“Too late for that,” I replied a little too quickly kaya napa-tingin sa akin si Lui. It was obvious how I hit a nerve with that one.

“Can you please stop acting like I orchestrated everything that happened? That I planned for him to fail the BAR and break up with Deanne?” he snapped and I could clearly hear the mixture of disdain and guilt in his voice. “I feel guilty—is that what you want to hear, Tali? Because I do. I do feel guilty. I didn’t ask for someone to die that night. I didn’t ask to be there. Heck, I shouldn’t have even been there! Maven was supposed to be there, not me. If any, blame Maven like I do every fucking night!”

All I could do was to stare at his hands and how tightly they’re gripping the wheels.

“So, no, I’m not the heartless monster you think I am, Tali. I just learned how to play the game and I suggest you do the same.”

**

This story is already at Chapter 47 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 40

Chapter 40

In my entire fucking life, I have never rebelled against anyone or anything because why would I do that? I have lived a privileged life, as far as I was concerned. I was sheltered, even. I saw no reason as to why I would rebel… until today.

Since that night na nagkausap kami ni Lui, hindi muna kami nag-usap. We didn’t agree to not talk, but it was an unspoken agreement. He’s pissed at me but I was more pissed at him. Ayoko muna siyang makita dahil maaalala ko na naman kung gaano ako katanga sa kanya. Because if I were being honest, if it weren’t him, I would’ve walked away. At once. Without even looking back.

But I didn’t want to think about that and to think about things I didn’t have control over.

“Yes po, Attorney?”

“Pa-request ng lahat ng relevant files sa may Villamontes case,” I told her. I saw the surprise on her face nung banggitin ko iyong kaso. I was right—everyone in this building’s aware tungkol sa kaso na ’to. Seriously, ilang complaint na ba ang na-dimiss laban kay Arthur Villamontes? Pang-ilang prosecutor na ako na gusto nilang tumulad din sa mga nauna sa akin?

“Sa Villamontes po?” she asked like she didn’t want what I said to be real.

I nodded. “Lahat nun dismissed complaints, affidavits, testimony, lahat,” I replied. “Paki-prio and pabigay sa akin asap,” I continued before I dismissed her.

Nagsuot ako ng airpods habang nagta-trabaho ako. I only had two hours bago kailangan ko na namang umalis dahil may hearing ako na pupuntahan. Hindi naman porke gusto kong i-prioritize iyong kay Villamontes e kakalimutan ko na iyong ibang kaso na hawak ko.

I was so deep in my work na halos tumalon mula sa dibdib ko iyong puso ko nang may makita akong kamay sa may lamesa ko.

“Seriously?!” inis na tanong ko habang tinatanggal ko iyong airpods at nakita ko na naka-tayo si Julia sa harapan ko. I mean, alam ko naman na na makakarating sa kanya ’yon, but did she really need to frighten me like that? Ano ang plano niya? Kung hindi man niya ako mapa-backout sa kaso, papatayin niya naman ako sa gulat?

“You’ll proceed with the case?” she asked.

“Yes,” I replied at saka ibinalik ko iyong tingin ko sa document na dina-draft ko. “Unahan na kita—wala akong pakielam kung isama mo si Lui sa complaint mo. Go ahead. If you feel like he’s guilty, name him as one of the defendants. I would do the same. Trabaho lang naman.”

“Fine,” she replied, but I didn’t like her tone—I never did, really. “I was just trying to be nice since magka-trabaho tayo.”

Tumingin ako sa kanya. “Have you read the complaint?” I asked. Nakita ko na natigilan siya. “I know you’re friends with him, but seriously, have you read the complaint, Julia?”

Hindi agad siya naka-sagot.

“Because I did. And I read all the other complaints. And I know that you’re not dumb. You know that there’s a probable cause to at least get this case to the court.”

Did she honestly believe that he’s innocent? The same way that Lui believed that he’s innocent, too, dahil lang hindi siya kasama sa mga humawak sa paddle? Paano nila nagawang makapagtapos sa law school at maka-pasa sa BAR exam kung ganito sila mag-isip?

“I read the complaints,” she said. Diretso siyang naka-tingin sa akin na para bang kumbinsido siya sa kung anuman ang sasabihin niya. “The first complainant was his ex-girlfriend. She falsely accused him. They settled out of court. Nalaman nila na malaking pera iyong binayad ni Arthur. And you know people would do anything for money.”

“And how did you know that she falsely accused him?”

“Because why would she accept the money if not?” mabilis niyang sagot sa ’kin. “If what she was saying was true that he assaulted her, bakit mabilis siyang nakipag-areglo?”

“Probably because of people like you na hindi naniniwala sa kanila,” I told her. “And even if that’s true, that doesn’t mean na hindi totoo iyong ibang complaints laban sa kaibigan mo. Eight complaints, Julia. Eight. Do you sleep at night telling yourself na nagsisinungaling lang lahat ng babaeng ’yon? Na sasabihin nila na biktima sila ng rape para lang sa pera? Do you seriously believe that?”

She was just looking at me, but I knew that she’ll never believe me because in her mind, they’re all lying and her friend’s the innocent one na naiipit sa lahat ng false allegations na ’to.

“Just… leave me alone. Seriously. Kung totoong inosente ’yang kaibigan mo, I’m sure he’ll get acquitted,” I said, almost begging her because I honestly had a lot of work to do and I didn’t want to cater to her tantrums and empty threats. Kung gusto kong makipag-away, si Lui ang una kong tatawagan.

Julia began walking away. Finally. But then she stopped bago pa man siya maka-labas at tumingin sa akin. I could see it in her face na may gusto siyang sabihin sa akin, pero mabuti na lang at pinili niya na sarilihin na lang iyon.

Ni hindi pa ako tapos sa ginagawa ko nung kinailangan ko ng umalis dahil ayokong ma-late sa hearing. Puro motions lang naman ngayon kaya hindi ganoon kabigat. Sana hindi na mag-object iyong opposing counsel ngayon dahil wala akong energy.

The day felt longer than usual. I requested for motion to postpone, but I was opposed. I was pissed, but what could I do? Part of the job. Mabuti na lang at may pagka-paranoid ako kaya kahit alam ko na motion lang ang plano kong gawin ay binabasa ko pa rin iyong overview nung case… you know, just in case.

After that long, long day, dumiretso pa rin ako sa office dahil sinabi sa akin na nasa table ko na iyong mga nirequest ko na files para sa Villamontes. I just wanted to read all of them para kapag ginawa ko iyong recommendation ko ay wala silang masabi. I knew that one way or another, they’d make me dismiss this case, but I just want to show them an airtight case.

I spent all my free-time building my case na para bang didiretso na ako sa hearing dahil sa dami ng annex at exhibition na ginawa ko. I felt bad for the previous prosecutors dahil nakita ko na sinubukan din naman nilang ilaban…

“Thank God,” I uttered to myself nang matapos ko na iyong recommendation. I submitted it. And then I had to wonder kung itetext ko na ba si Lui? Ako ba iyong kailangang magtext? Ako ba iyong may kasalanan sa aming dalawa?

But really… meron bang may kasalanan sa amin? O magkaiba lang talaga kami ng perspective sa buhay? Kasi kapag may client ako, para ma-defend ko kung anuman iyong ginawa nila, I always try to put myself in their situation. I should do the same for Lui. There’s a reason why he’s like that… Impossible na ganon lang talaga siyang pinanganak.

Makes me wonder kung paano siya pinalaki ng pamilya niya…

Hindi ako nagmessage sa kanya. Hindi ata kaya ng pride ko na ako iyong magtetext kahit malakas ang kutob ko na siya iyong may mali sa amin.

Pero at least may pride na ako kahit papaano! Kaya ko naman pala na hindi ako iyong gagapang pabalik.

I just focused on my work dahil hindi naman nauubos iyong trabaho ko. But after a week, bigla kong naalala iyong tungkol sa recommendation ko. I tried to ask the paralegal tungkol doon, but she was giving me very vague answers. I asked around, but no one was giving me any straight answer.

“Hi, sir,” sabi ko nung maka-pasok ako sa office niya. I didn’t want to go here, but I was left with no choice. Walang sumasagot sa tanong ko tungkol doon sa pinasa ko na recommendation. I had no doubt in my mind na ni hindi na nga lang probable cause kasi may laban talaga iyong kaso.

“Atty. Hernaez,” sabi niya.

“Yes po,” I replied.

“What can I do for you?” tanong niya sa akin. “Have a seat.”

Ngayon ko lang talaga siya naka-usap. I really tried to keep my head down dito sa trabaho. I just wanted to work without making any noise kasi based on experience, mas maraming tao ang nakaka-kilala sa ’yo, mas maraming unwarranted opinion tungkol sa buhay mo.

“I just want to follow-up po sana don sa Villamontes case.”

“Oh, that,” sabi niya na walang pagbabago sa reaksyon.

“Nabasa niyo po ba ’yung recommendation ko?”

“Yes.” Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya. “I don’t agree with your recommendation, Atty. Hernaez.”

Agad na napaawang iyong labi ko. “Sir?” hindi ko mapigilang sabi dahil paano naging hindi siya agree sa recommendation ko? Sa ilang buwan na nagta-trabaho ako rito, lagi namang wala akong naririnig tungkol sa recommendation ko sa Office of the Prosecutor.

“I read the recommendation. I didn’t agree with it.”

“Sir, isn’t the proper procedure to remand—”

“You’ve been doing a great job so far, Atty,” he said, cutting me off. “So far, 100% conviction rate. Very impressive.” I pressed my lips together. “Malayo ang mararating mo, hija.”

I felt my chest tightening. He was saying praises, but I felt like I was being threatened to be silent.

“Any other concern?” he asked like he was telling me to get the fuck out of his office dahil tapos na ang pag-uusap namin.

I knew I should stand up, say my goodbye, and then leave.

“Which part of the recommendation didn’t you agree with, Sir? Should I conduct another investigation for clarification?”

“No need,” diretsong sagot niya. “This complaint doesn’t have a probable cause. It’s dismissed. Go focus on your other cases, Atty. Hernaez.” And then he called his secretary via the telecom and told her to escort me out of his office.

Wow.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal na naka-tayo lang doon at hindi makapaniwala sa naging pag-uusap namin.

And then I was reminded of what Julia and Lui both told me… that this case will be dismissed either way… that I was just wasting my time…

They’re right.

Fuck.

Paano ko ipaglalaban iyong tama kung iyong mismong mga dapat kakampi ko ay kalaban ko rin pala?

---

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko siya kakausapin. I promised her that I believed her and that I would fight for her case… pero ano ang magagawa ko? The complaint was dismissed. I did my best to fight for that, but it was just thrown away and I was told to keep my mouth shut and to just put my attention elsewhere.

Panay ang paghinga ko nang malalim bago ko siya tawagan. I wanted to say this to her in person, but I couldn’t make her go to Manila just to disappoint her… Hindi rin ako maka-punta sa kanya dahil sa dami ng trabaho ko. I felt so mad and conflicted and I just wanted to burn this building down.

“I’m very sorry…” sabi ko nang matapos kong ipaliwanag sa kanya iyong nangyari sa complaint niya.

“Okay po, Attorney. Salamat po at pasensya na sa abala.”

I felt my chest tightening. She didn’t deserve this. She deserves justice, but I couldn’t give it to her. And I hated that she sounded apologetic… after everything that happened to her… siya pa ang humihingi ng pasensya sa akin…

I was thankful when the call ended. Sinandal ko iyong ulo ko at saka pinikit iyong mga mata ko. I just let the tears fall. I just let the disappointment consume me.

Did I get in the wrong profession?

Where was the justice they all told me about?

Was that just a figment of the imagination?

---

Lui called me, but I didn’t answer. Did he hear about my little meltdown? He probably did… after all, kahit saan ata ako pumunta ay may mga matang naka-tingin sa akin.

I decided that I needed to get a drink. Iniwan ko iyong sasakyan ko sa opisina. I wanted to get drunk tonight. Tahimik akong naka-upo at umiinom nang may marinig ako na tumawag sa akin.

“Atty. Hernaez.”

Hindi ko na alam kung ilang baso na ang nainom ko. I decided that I was already drunk because why was I seeing Atty. Arnaez? In a bar? She didn’t seem like the type to drink in bars…

“Are you alright?” she asked.

Tumango ako at saka bigla akong napa-sinok. Narinig ko na humingi siya ng tubig sa bartender at saka inabot sa akin iyon. “Are you with someone?” she asked and I shook my head. Naupo siya sa tabi ko.

“Ma’am—”

“Jean,” sabi niya. “Hindi naman na tayo magka-trabaho.”

Tumango lang ako. I’d never call her that. She’s my senior.

“If I may ask, why are you drinking alone?”

“Mourning…” tahimik kong sagot. “The death of justice.”

Nakita ko na napa-ngiti siya sa akin. Tapos ay itinigil niya iyon nang makita niya akong naka-kunot ang noo.

“I’m sorry. Go on,” she said, urging me to talk… and I’d been told to shut up today, so I immediately grabbed the chance to talk. I probably told her more than I should’ve… but I had to let the disappointment out or else I’d explode from it.

“Why don’t you just open a private practice?”

“Newbie lawyer pa lang ako, Atty.”

“Naka-one year ka na sa firm and then your prosecution experience. That’s more than enough,” she said.

Hindi ako naka-sagot. I had never considered that kahit pakiramdam ko ay kaya ko naman kasi sariling sikap lang din naman ako sa trabaho. Ako rin nagreresearch, gumagawa ng documents, nag-aappear sa court.

“Masyadong matrabaho saka mahal. Besides, puro pro-bono ata iyong gusto kong hawakan na kaso… and as much as I want to do that, hindi feasible… Kailangan ko pa rin ng pera.”

Bakit ba hindi na lang ako pinanganak na mayaman para magtatayo na lang ako ng firm tapos ako mamimili ng clients ko? Bakit kailangan may boss pa ako? Bakit kailangan kong sumunod sa kanila?

At bakit parang lahat sila mukhang pera?

“I see… Have you considered arbitration?” she asked. Napa-kunot ang noo ko. “You just need one good settlement and you’re set for life, Atty. Hernaez. You can cherry pick the cases you want to handle.”

Napa-awang iyong labi ko nang abutan niya ako ng calling card. Pangalan niya iyong naka-lagay doon sa pangalan ng firm… Nagresign din ba siya sa firm namin?

“Something to consider since you don’t seem to do well with office politics,” she said before she left me with more questions in my head. 

**

This story is already at Chapter 48 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 41

Chapter 41

“You’re smoking again.”

I just looked at Lui. I was still at work. Kanina pa tapos iyong work hours, pero nandito pa rin ako. Marami akong kaibigan na gusto ng trabaho sa gobyerno kasi pagtapak ng relos sa alas cinco, pwede ka ng umuwi. May work-life balance ba…

For me? I felt guilty… so guilty that I have this need to render unpaid overtime para ma-compensate iyong pagkukulang ko. That if I can’t save her, then I must save more people… like that would right the wrong that’s been done.

It didn’t really make sense, but in my head, it had to.

Lui stood beside me. I offered him a stick dahil hindi naman ako bastos. He just shook his head.

“Dinner?” he asked.

Umiling ako. “May tatapusin pa ako.”

“We can just have food delivered,” he said. “Or I’ll cook. Do you want anything?”

Umiling ulit ako. “Not really in the mood to eat,” I sincerely told him. Wala talaga akong ganang kumain.

“You still should eat,” sabi niya.

“I know.”

“Then let’s have dinner.”

“Seriously, Lui, I can’t. Marami akong ginagawa.”

Why was he even here? Narinig niya ba iyong semi-meltdown ko sa labas nung office nung head? Siguro. Kasi mukha akong tanga doon na naka-tayo habang nangingilid iyong luha dahil hindi ako makapaniwala na ganito pala iyong kalakaran. I had idea… but I really didn’t think that it’d happen right at my face.

Like I’m being taunted…

That no matter how much I wanted to do the right thing, at the end of the day, both my hands are tied.

And it’s as if I could hear them laughing and pointing their fingers at me and calling me delusional for thinking that I even had the choice.

“Why are you here?” I asked.

We’re still together. We still say good morning and good night every day na para bang welfare check iyon na kami pa rin.

“I got a new case,” sabi niya sa ’kin.

“Did you not hit someone again?” I asked, half-joking. Lui’s lips were pressed in a thin line. He obviously didn’t appreciate my joke. Umayos ako sa pagkaka-tayo. “Sorry. Go on. Ano’ng kaso?” I asked.

“People v. Revilla,” he said.

Napa-kunot iyong noo ko. “What?” I asked, remembering kung anong kaso ’yo. It was murder case—one that I was certain that I’d win dahil malakas iyong kaso.

“Thought I should let you know,” he said instead. Humithit ulit ako ng sigarilyo. I briefly closed my eyes. “I don’t want us to argue about this,” he continued like he was already on the defense. “I was assigned the case—I didn’t purposely ask for it.”

“I know,” I replied. “Wala naman akong sinasabi.”

“Okay.”

“It’s just work.”

“It is,” he said.

“Retainer fee must be high siguro? I mean, I’m pretty confident that I’ll get conviction,” I said to lighten the mood. I looked at Lui’s face. It did appear that I didn’t exactly lighten the mood. I tapped his cheek. “Lighten up, Atty. Valladares. Nagjojoke lang ako,” dugtong ko tapos ay pinatay ko na iyong sigarilyo at itinapon iyon.

I said goodbye to him tapos ay naglakad na ako papunta sa sasakyan ko. He called my name kaya naman napa-hinto ako at napa-tingin sa kanya.

“You’re making me worry,” he said.

I looked at him and smiled. “I’m fine,” I told him. “I’m just finally disillusioned—like how you always wanted me to be,” I continued bago ako muling tumalikod at naglakad palayo.

---

I did my work, kept my head down, and avoided any social functions. I was just finishing my contract here. Alam ko na para akong tanga kasi ang daming naghahangad na mapunta dito sa posisyon ko, but tama naman si Atty. Arnaez… hindi ako pang office politics. Masyado akong maldita para doon. Hindi ko kayang manahimik kapag nakaka-pikon iyong kausap ko. Kaya nga ako mukhang tanga na naiyak sa labas nung office dahil hindi ko maatim na may ganon pala talagang tao na garapal.

Besides, I asked my Tito kung okay lang ba na magresign ako kung sakali. Sabi niya ay okay lang naman daw. Kuha lang daw ako nang kuha ng experience saka ’wag akong magstay sa trabaho na ayaw ko. Masyadong maraming area ang law para magstay ako sa area na ayoko pala talaga.

The thing is, I actually love litigation… I just abhor office politics.

Kaya habang nandito pa ako sa prosecution, kapag may free time ako, inaayos ko na iyong sa certification ko for arbitration. I really needed money to fund my passion.

Ang hirap talaga kapag ’di pinanganak sa generational wealth!

‘See you later.’

Napa-tingin ako sa message ni Lui.

Mamaya na nga pala iyong unang hearing namin. I try to give all my cases my equal attention because that’s what everyone deserves, but I have to admit that I gave this one more attention. Probably because the accused is a son of a mayor and he’s a smug son of a bitch who thinks he’s gonna get away with this because his daddy can afford fancy lawyers from fancy firms.

Also buti hindi siya galit. I thought I pissed him off nung hearing para sa bail. I thought I kinda went overboard para lang masigurado na hindi mabibigyan ng provisional liberty iyong client niya.

I read the discoveries like it’s a bedtime story. I flipped through the pages of the information and watched all the footage and looked at the photos from the crime scene.

I am prepared.

I arrived at the court a few minutes early. Nagtext na sa akin na nandito na iyong witness ko. Nung mga unang beses na pumupunta ako rito, sobrang aga ko. I would pace back and forth and practice my arguments. Halos parang mamamatay na ako sa sobrang kaba dahil ayokong masigawan o mapagalitan ng judge.

Pero tama nga sila—practice makes perfect. With every mistake I make, I get better. Lagi kong tinatandaan para hindi ko na mauulit sa susunod.

“Kanina ka pa?” I asked nung makita ko si Lui na naglalakad palapit sa akin. May hawak siyang kape at inabot niya sa akin. “Thank you.”

“Medyo,” he said. Napa-tingin siya sa hawak ko na briefcase. “Yan lang ang dala mo?” he asked.

I nodded. “Everything I need is here,” I replied as I pointed at my brain.

Bahagyang napaawang iyong labi niya at natawa. “You’re right,” he said.

“I’m kidding. My files are here,” sabi ko sabay pakita sa may briefcase ko. Napa-tingin ako sa sasakyan na nagpark. I immediately threw the coffee he gave me. Nakita ko na bahagyang napaawang iyong labi niya sa ginawa ko. “Nandyan na si Judge,” I said. “Best of luck,” I added before I hurriedly went inside dahil papagalitan kami kapag mas nauna pa si Judge sa loob.

I got inside and greeted the staff of the court. I settled on my corner at saka nilabas iyong mga gamit ko. My client is already dead. Wala na rin siyang pamilya bukod sa lolo at lola niya na hindi ata interesado sa kaso na ’to. I felt like no one cared about my client but me…

“We request the first witness on the stand,” I said.

My witness went to the stand and took his oath to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

“Paki-sabi ang pangalan,” I began.

“Michael Flores po,” he replied.

“Saan ka nagta-trabaho?”

“Bilang street vendor po sa may Cruz St., Pasig City.”

“Nasaan ka nung bandang ala-una ng madaling araw ng June 5?” muling tanong ko sa kanya.

“Nasa trabaho po.”

“Tama ba na ng ala-una ng madaling araw ng araw na ’yon, biglang huminto ang sasakyan ni Stephen Revilla, lumabas siya sa sasakyan, biglang hinatak ang biktima na si Ruby Reyes, sinuntok ito at sinipa hanggang sa mamatay?” diretso kong tanong.

“Objection, Your Honor,” biglang sabi ni Lui.

“On what ground?”

“Assumes fact not established, Your Honor.”

What? I mean, I knew he’d object, but if it were me, I’d use a different ground to overthrow my question.

Whatever.

“Overruled,” sabi ni Judge. “Paki-sagot ang tanong.”

My witness answered my question. I continued with my direct-examination. Lui, bless his heart, tried his best to object, but most of his objections were overruled. He’s just doing his job… plus I learned from my past mistakes to always frame my questions correctly dahil ayaw na ayaw kong na-su-sustain kapag may nag-o-object sa tanong ko.

Then it was his turn to cross-examine my witness.

‘Objection—question calls for hearsay evidence, Your Honor.’

‘Objection—the question is leading, Your Honor.’

‘Objection—vague question, Your Honor.’

‘Objection—the question is argumentative, Your Honor.’

‘Objection—question calls for a conclusion of fact not established, Your Honor.’

Halos hindi ako matapos sa sinusulat ko na notes dahil lagi akong nag-o-object sa mga sinasabi ni Lui. I saw him getting pissed at me; I ignored him. What? Trabaho lang naman. Saka siya rin ang nagsabi sa akin na ’di niya papakielamanan ang trabaho ko.

Then Judge Marquez gave us a 15 minute recess. Agad akong tumayo at saka lumabas. Paglabas ko, naabutan ko na nag-uusap—or more like nagtatalo si Lui at iyong kliyente niya.

“I strongly advise against this—”

“Makukulong ako dahil sa ’yo! Just put me on the stand!”

“Once again, if I put you on the stand, it means that she can question you, too. Do you understand that? Whatever you say on the stand can be used against you.”

Well, at least Lui’s right on that. I’d do the same if I were in his position. I wouldn’t put on a stand a person who’s clearly guilty. He’ll do more harm than good.

“My family’s paying you a lot of money tapos ganito lang ang gagawin mo?!”

“Exactly. I’m the lawyer here. Can you just let me do my job?”

“You’re pretty shit at your job!”

This fucking prick.

Alam niya ba kung gaano kahirap iyong kaso niya? There’s literally a CCTV footage of him committing the crime. Kahit hindi si Lui iyong abogado niya, sigurado ako na hindi siya ma-a-acquit. Malas niya lang talaga na kumalat sa social media iyong ginawa niya kaya ’di siya mailigtas ng tatay niya.

Minsan talaga may magandang dulot din ’yang Facebook, e.

Dahil ayoko naman na dito lang ako sa CR hanggang matapos iyong break ay wala akong choice kung hindi ang lumabas.

“Excuse me,” sabi ko habang dumadaan. Napa-tingin sila sa akin. Mukhang gusto na akong sakalin nung kliyente niya. He should definitely try para madagdagan pa iyong kaso na isasampa ko sa kanya.

Pagpasok ko sa loob, binabasa ko na iyong notes ko para sa ibang cases ko. I just quietly did that hanggang sa magresume na ulit iyong hearing. Napa-tingin ako sa gawi ni Lui. If he were smart, he wouldn’t allow his client to be put on the stand because I swear to God, I’d bury him alive and make him cry because apparently, I have a personal vendetta against rich kids who think they can get away with anything because of daddy’s money.

Then I was asked if I wanted to re-direct. Lui did a pretty bad job at his cross, so I didn’t see the need to do a re-direct. Then we were told the next date for the next examination of the witness. Great.

Agad akong lumabas dahil may susunod pa akong pupuntahan. Napa-tigil ako nang marinig ko iyong boses ni Lui.

“What?” I asked. “May next hearing pa ako.”

“Did you really have to do that?”

“Do what?” I asked, looking at him with my brows furrowed.

“Object to everything I said.”

“Not my fault,” I replied. “You gave me plenty of opening.” Tumingin ako sa relo ko. “It’s just work, Lui. Don’t take it personally,” I added before left him and went my own way.

The days went on and I was just counting the days until I could be free from this job… but days before the next direct examination, I received a message saying that my next witness died in a hit-and-run accident.

And I hated the fact that my mind automatically thought that Lui had something to do with this. 

**

This story is already at Chapter 49 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 42

Chapter 42

My phone rang.

I saw Lui’s name.

But I didn’t answer his call. I stared at it until the call ended… and then I saw a text appear on the screen of my phone.

‘Call me when you see this.’

Humigpit iyong pagkaka-hawak ko hanggang sa mapansin ko na nalukot iyong papel. Agad na binitawan ko iyon at sinubukang tuwirin. Bumalik ako sa pagkaka-upo sa upuan ko. Pinikit ko iyong mga mata ko at huminga ako nang malalim.

It’s impossible…

Hindi gagawin ni Lui ’yon. He couldn’t possibly be behind what happened to the witness. Dahil kahit iyong sa dati, kaya ko pang ipaliwanag sa utak ko. Na nagsinungaling siya pero tama naman siya… wala siyang ginawa doon sa initiation. That there may have things that he’s involved in… but he was always just passively there… never actively.

But wasn’t that just the same?

Or maybe even worse?

Because he’s letting it all happen just the same?

I didn’t know how to function while knowing or not knowing this. Hindi ko ibinalik iyong tawag ni Lui. I told myself to focus on things that I could control. Mababaliw ako kung iisipin ko lahat ng bagay na wala akong kontrol sa trabaho ko. I kept on telling myself na sandali na lang, makaka-alis din ako sa prosecution. I’d be able to work on another job that will hopefully pay well and will allow me to handle case that I actually care about.

Iyan na lang ang gusto kong sabihin sa sarili ko.

I went to the office and continued doing what I was expected to do. I still had other cases that I needed to focus on. I knew what happened to the witness was horrible… but I just couldn’t let myself think too much about that.

At least not right now.

“Iyong pinapa-kuha—”

Agad na natigilan ako nang makita ko na si Lui iyong pumasok sa opisina ko.

“Didn’t you read my message?” bungad na tanong niya.

Ibinalik ko iyong tingin ko sa mga papel na nasa harapan ko. “I’m busy,” I told him instead.

But of course he didn’t leave. Why would he kung alam naming pareho kung bakit siya nandito?

“You know I had nothing—”

“I told you, marami akong ginagawa,” I said, immediately cutting him off.

“Do you seriously think I can do that?”

I looked at him. I pursed my lips together. No words came out of my mouth, but even my silence was answer enough. I saw the pain cross his face. This was why I didn’t want to see him or at least talk to him. Dahil alam ko na hindi niya magugustuhan kung anuman ang sasabihin ko.

“Wow…” mahinang sabi niya.

“Lui, please—”

“Why do you think I’d do that, Tali? It’s just a fucking case—”

“A case that you’re losing.”

I saw his jaw clenching. “According to who?” he asked, looking straight into my eyes. “According to you? According to one witness examination?” diretso niyang tanong. “I know you’re good, pero ang taas naman ng tingin mo sa sarili mo para isipin mo na kailangan kong magpa-patay ng witness para lang manalo sa kaso.”

Pilit akong huminga nang malalim.

“Can we please talk about this later?” I asked because the last thing I wanted was to make a scene in my workplace. I was doing a great job with keeping my head down. I just wanted to leave this place without making any noise.

Instead of leaving, malakas na isinara ni Lui iyong pinto.

“There. Fucking privacy,” sabi niya pagka-sara ng pinto.

“Lui—”

“No. We’ll talk about this now,” he said. “I gave you plenty of time already. You can’t keep on doing this, Tali. You keep on telling me that you don’t want to break-up, but why do you do this?” pahina nang pahina ang boses na tanong niya habang diretsong naka-tingin sa ’kin. “Do you want to be with me so you can torture me? So that you can keep me close while pushing me away? Ano ba’ng gusto mo?”

Hindi ako makapagsalita. I knew what I wanted, but I couldn’t say it. Because I was ashamed of what I really wanted.

“Because I gave you what you asked for. You told me to be honest. I was honest! That’s what you asked for, right? Honesty?”

Ramdam ko iyong panginginig ng mga kamay ko at pagsikip ng dibdib ko. I just wanted him to leave, but I knew that he wouldn’t leave me until he got what he wanted from me.

“For fuck’s sake, answer me! Because you told me to be honest, yet you’re weaponizing my honesty against me!”

Mabilis akong umiling. “No.”

“No?” he asked, his chest heaving along mine. “Because ever since that day, I can see how you look at me. You look at me like you’re disgusted—” Mabilis akong umiling. “God, just be honest for once.”

“I am not.”

“You’re such a coward—”

“I am not disgusted with you—I am disgusted with myself. Kasi bakit ba sa lahat ng tao sa mundo, sa ’yo pa ako nagka-gusto?!”

“And what’s so wrong with me?!”

“God, look at the fucking mirror, Lui! You live in a different reality than me kaya sa tingin mo, ayos lang lahat ng ginagawa mo. Na ayos lang na ganon iyong sa business ng pamilya mo kasi ano? Wala ka namang kinalaman doon? Na ayos lang iyong sa may initiation mo kasi ano? Hindi mo naman hinawakan iyong paddle? Na ayos lang naman iyong nangyari kay Samuel kasi ano? Hindi naman ikaw iyong nagtake at bumagsak sa exam? At ano? Ayos lang din iyong nangyari sa witness kasi ano? Hindi naman ikaw iyong direkta na nagpapatay? Ano? At most, binigyan mo lang ng idea iyong client mo?”

I could feel myself shaking as I said the thoughts that have been plaguing my head.

“Because nothing’s ever your fault, right?”

I knew the hurt that I inflicted with the words that I said… but he wanted to hear this from me. And to a degree, he probably already knew about it.

We were just delaying the inevitable.

“You’re just like them.”

“Tell me,” he said. “Please. Tell me about myself.”

I felt my jaw clenching. I wanted to stop myself. I knew words could hurt and I should stop while I was still ahead.

“At the end of the day, you’re just like them. A rich kid who can get away with everything because of daddy’s money.”

I felt my hurt throbbing when I saw tears forming around his eyes. I could see him holding back the tears. My chest kept on tightening. I hated that we’re hurting each other like this.

“Finally. Some honesty,” sabi niya habang diretsong naka-tingin sa akin. “Thank you.”

“Tell me,” I said. “Tell me something about myself,” I asked him because I wanted to give him the chance to hurt me too. Pakiramdam ko ay dapat na masaktan din ako dahil sa mga sinabi ko sa kanya.

Mabilis siyang umiling.

“No,” he said. “We’re not the same, Italia—I won’t purposely go out of my way to hurt you.”

I could just hear the sound of my heart breaking.

“But thank you. At least now I know what you really think of me,” muling sabi niya. “This is a lesson learned for me. That even you… who claims to love me… can’t handle my truth. Thanks, Italia. Thank you.”

Then he put his hands inside his pockets.

“I guess that’s it then,” he said. “We’re done.”

I felt a lump forming on my throat.

Naka-tingin siya sa akin na para bang hinihintay niya na pigilan ko siya, na sabihin ko sa kanya na hindi kami hiwalay kagaya ng palagi kong ginagawa dati.

I couldn’t exactly blame him.

Bobo naman talaga ako pagdating sa kanya.

“You can’t say that we didn’t try,” he said when he heard nothing from my end. I didn’t protest. I didn’t tell him we’re not over. I simply… accepted.

Lui turned around. But before he could turn the knob, I called his name. Agad siyang natigilan, pero hindi siya humarap sa ’kin.

“Did you do it?” I asked.

“Does it even matter?” he asked back. “You already think the worst of me anyway.”

I watched as he left.

I heard the closing of the door.

I guess that was it then.

We’re done—just like that.

---

There was no adjustment period—at least on my part. We were barely talking before the break-up inevitably happened. Alisha kept on asking me about Lui, but I didn’t want to talk about it. I actually didn’t talk about it with anyone. Kasi pakiramdam ko, ang gago ko. Dahil tama naman si Lui. Ako iyong pumilit sa kanya na sabihin sa akin lahat… but he’s right.

He showed me who he is and I didn’t like it.

I couldn’t deal with it.

I immediately clicked on the notification nang may matanggap ako na e-mail. It was from the prosecutor who replaced me. I asked her for a favor to keep me on the loop sa mga kaso na inendorse ko sa kanya.

Hindi ko agad mapindot iyong attachment nang makita ko na decision iyon sa kaso ng People v Revilla. It felt like it was just yesterday nang una kong hawakan iyong kaso na ’to. Nung magtalo kami ni Lui hanggang sa mauwi kami sa sigawan.

Nung muli kaming magkita sa korte at binati lang namin ang isa’t-isa na para bang walang nangyari.

’ Wherefore, the accused Stephen Revilla is ACQUITTED on reasonable doubt and is ORDERED to be IMMEDIATELY RELEASED from detention, unless he is being lawfully held for another cause.’

My eyes quickly scanned the decision. Agad na napaawang iyong labi ko nang makita ko kung ano iyong ginamit niya na defense. I knew that his client was guilty, but I was in awe sa kung paano niya nagamit iyong technicality para ma-overthrow iyong evidence. And all the other cases he referenced for the acquittal.

He’s good—like what he told me before.

A part of me wanted to text him to congratulate him because he actually did well… but a huge part of me didn’t want to. I kept on thinking about the words that I told him. I knew they hurt—a lot. Hindi naman ganoon kakapal ang mukha ko para magpakita pa sa kanya pagkatapos ng lahat ng mga masasakit na salitang sinabi ko sa kanya.

Besides, life’s more peaceful now for me.

I mainly work as an arbitrator. Madalas ay nasa Singapore ako dahil doon ginaganap iyong arbitration. My work is to find a middle ground for the parties to give them what they want. It’s a tedious process, but it pays really well—na tipong narinig na ata ni Lord lahat ng hinaing ko na hindi ako pinanganak sa generational wealth kaya binigyan niya ako ng sarili kong generational wealth.

I gave my Tito some money para kumuha pa ng ilang lawyer sa private practice niya. I wanted to handle cases, but I knew that I couldn’t do it alone—plus main source of income ko talaga iyong sa arbitration at mediation. So, I just handle few cases at a time. Pinipili ko lang iyong mga kaso na hawak ko. Niloko ako minsan ni Tito na pinipili ko lang iyong kaso na kaya kong ipanalo. Honestly, I just take every case personally now kaya hindi talaga ako natatalo. Saka wala na kasi akong boss na pipigil sa mga gusto kong gawin.

I was walking back to my hotel. Kaka-tapos lang nung first round ng discussion namin sa may arbitration nang may makita akong tumatawag sa akin. It was an unregistered number kaya naman ’di ko sinagot iyong tawag. Tapos ay naka-receive ako ng message.

‘Hey, Tali. It’s Nikolai. Do you have time to talk? Thanks it’s urgent.’

**

This story is already at Chapter 50 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 43

Chapter 43

Para akong minumulto nung kaso na ’yon.

Niko gave me a quick rundown of what happened. Agad kong naalala iyong kaso na hinawakan ko noon. Chills ran down my spine. It felt like it was only yesterday when I handled that case… and when I was basically forced to dismiss it. Nung para akong bata na umiiyak sa labas ng opisina ng head namin dahil parang naka-tali iyong mga kamay ko at wala akong magawa.

I felt sick in my stomach.

I kept on thinking na kung sana ay hindi ako nakinig sa kanila, kung sana ay tinuloy ko iyong sa may kaso kahit lahat sila ay sinasabi sa akin na wala akong laban, hindi sana mangyayari ’yon sa ibang tao.

I could’ve put an end in this madness.

Simula nung sabihin ni Niko sa akin iyong tungkol sa kaso ay hindi na iyon maalis sa isip ko. I must’ve been so occupied in my own bubble na hindi nakarating sa akin iyong kaso kahit na kalat na kalat iyon sa buong bansa. Paanong hindi gayong dalawang malaking pangalan na iyong dawit sa kaso na ’to?

I did my research. Vito was in the house where Villamontes was found lying on his own pool of blood. I didn’t even need to ask Niko kung guilty ba si Vito sa nangyari… All I knew was that Villamontes had it coming. Alam ko na sa lahat ng kagaguhan na ginagawa niya, isang araw ay makakahanap din siya ng katapat niya. I wanted him to rot behind bars… but I also knew that this was probably for the best… His family would always bail him out—hell, even his best friend was in denial sa lahat ng kagaguhan niya. He’s beyond saving.

I knew that this case would be an uphill fight. I got my affairs in order bago ko pa man sabihin kay Niko iyong sagot ko. Para ba kasing binigyan ako ng pangalawang pagkakataon na itama iyong mali ko. I wanted to give it my undivided attention—lalo na ngayon na wala akong boss na pwedeng magsabi sa akin ng mga pwede at hindi ko pwedeng gawin.

I was in the middle of finalizing some documents when I saw a name appear on my screen. Agad na nakaramdam ako ng panlalamig sa katawan ko. I never changed my number. I didn’t see the point. It wasn’t like I was hiding from him. And it wasn’t like he’d even talk to me again… after everything I told him that night.

‘Did you accept the case?’

Naka-tingin lang ako sa message niya. Of course it was about that case. Sa tingin ko ba talaga ay bigla lang niya akong itetext para mangamusta?

‘Not yet but I will.’

Agad kong nakita na nabasa niya iyong reply ko. Hindi ko nakita na nagtype siya. Ilang minuto ang lumipas bago ko tuluyang nakumbinsi iyong sarili ko na hindi na siya sasagot pa. Gusto niya lang ba malaman kung tinanggap ko iyong sa kaso?

The next few hours, I forced myself to focus on finishing my works. Gusto ko kasi na kapag sinabi ko kay Nikolai na tatanggapin ko iyong kaso ay maibigay ko iyong 100% undivided attention ko. I was quietly typing away in my laptop when the telephone rang. Agad kong sinagot iyon kahit wala naman akong ni-request sa reception.

“Good afternoon, Ma’am,” bati sa akin nung babae. “You have a guest here named Mr. Luisito Valladares.”

Agad na nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang marinig ko iyong pangalan niya. What the hell?! Kaya ba hindi siya sumagot sa akin dahil papunta siya rito sa Singapore?! At paano niya nalaman kung saang hotel ako naka-check-in?

I had so many questions in my mind. Hindi ako makapag-isip nang maayos kaya hindi ko namalayan na nasabi ko pala sa may reception na pwede siyang paakyatin dito sa kwarto ko.

“Shit,” I uttered to myself upon realizing na papaakyat nga si Lui dito sa kwarto ko. I didn’t know why he’s here o ano ba ang kailangan naming pag-usapan na talagang pinuntahan niya ako sa Singapore. But I couldn’t think about that when I was suddenly aware na ang daming kalat sa paligid ko. I was handling a billion peso mediation, so I had no room for mistake. Ang daming papel ang binabasa ko at hindi ko na siya maayos.

Quickly, I shove everything inside the closet. Hindi naman siguro bubuksan ni Lui iyon. Napa-tingin ako sa reflection ko sa salamin at nanlaki iyong mga mata ko nang mapansin ko na hindi ako naka-ayos. Bakit naman kasi ako mag-aayos e nasa hotel lang ako buong araw?!

I tried to fix myself, but then I heard the knock on the door.

Fuck.

Huminga ako nang malalim. I gave my hair a quick brush, applied lip balm, and sprayed perfume. This wasn’t certainly how I wanted to see him again! But whatever. It wasn’t as if he’s here to reignite things between us.

Mali ata na sinilip ko siya doon sa may peephole. He’s really here. He’s standing behind this door. He still looked the same, but different at the same time. He looked hauntingly familiar yet achingly painful.

I drew another deep breath as I opened the door.

“Are you here to change my mind?” agad na tanong ko nung buksan ko iyong pinto.

Lui didn’t immediately answer. Instead, he looked at me like he was waiting for me to invite him in. I widened the opening of the door and stepped aside para maka-pasok siya. I held my breath when I smelled the familiar cologne.

“I know you enough to know that there’s no changing your mind,” sabi niya sa ’kin.

I looked at him. “But if you can… will you?”

I never claimed to be the best lawyer, but I know that I’ll do my best. Saka kung tinawagan ako ni Nikolai, pakiramdam siguro nila na may maitutulong ako sa kaso ng kaibigan nila… At kung ganon man, talaga bang pipigilan ako ni Lui kung may maitutulong talaga ako?

Hindi ba kaibigan niya rin sila Vito? Wouldn’t he want me to help his friends?

Hanggang ngayon yata ay hindi ko pa rin siya maiintindihan—o baka talagang ayaw ko lang intindihin kung sino siya at kung ano iyong mga priorities niya sa buhay.

“There’s no sense in dabbling in the hypotheticals,” he answered instead. “You’ve read the minutes,” he continued. Tumango ako. “You know that this is a weak case.”

“That’s for the judge to decide,” I replied. “Innocent until proven guilty.”

“You’ve been through this before—”

“No, I haven’t,” I said, cutting him off. “I was never given the chance to argue this case in court. Someone was always in my fucking way… remember?”

Lui was just looking at me. What I’d give to read his mind.

“You and I both know that Villamontes is a piece of shit. Kung totoo mang pinatay siya ni Vito, he did the world a favor—since trash like him will never see a day in jail because he’ll always get away with his crimes.”

I had no idea if the wound has already healed, but I knew that with every word that I was saying, I was rubbing salt on it.

“And he’s your friend, Lui. Don’t you want me to help him?”

“Why does it have to be you?” he quickly asked. “Why do you always have to insert yourself in this situation?”

Agad napaawang iyong labi ko. I could clearly hear the animosity in his voice.

“Why can’t you just continue to live your life quietly?” tanong niya, pero rinig na rinig ko ang panunumbat sa boses niya.

I tilted my chin and looked at him directly. “Why are you here?” I asked once again bago pa kung saan na naman makarating ang usapan namin. I knew that we were treading a very dangerous line… I knew that we were seconds away from hurting each other again with words.

“I’m here as a courtesy,” he said.

“Sure.”

“You want to help Vito, fine, but if you like your quiet life, stick to the case at hand.” Lumalim lang ang kunot ng noo ko. “Things are looking bad for Vito, but we both know that you can get him out on a technicality.”

I had questions swimming in my mind, but for some reason, I was afraid to voice them out.

“I’ll help you with Vito’s defense,” he said.

“Will you really help, or will you baby-sit me?” I asked. “Dahil may mga bagay ka na ayaw mong malaman ko?”

Instead of answering, he placed his hands inside his pockets.

“Tell me kung kailan ka babalik sa Manila. I’ll pick you up from the airport,” he said like he wasn’t interested in even answering my questions.

Agad siyang tumalikod at naglakad palabas. Ni hindi man lang niya ako binigyan ng pagkakataon na magsalita. What the hell was he hiding na napa-punta pa siya sa Singapore para lang sabihin sa akin lahat ng ’yon?

---

Curiosity made me finish my deadlines quicker than usual. Naka-usap ko na rin si Shanelle tungkol sa kaso. She was pissed at Niko for getting me involved, but I could also hear the relief in her voice. She sounded like she was so done with the case—sino ba naman ang hindi kung iyong boyfriend mo ay naka-kulong para iligtas iyong ibang babae?

I was reading the discovery in the plane. Walang ibang tao doon bukod kay Vito. Alam ko rin na hindi ilalaglag ni Vito si Assia. I mean, if he will, matagal na sana niyang ginawa. The fact that he’s willingly getting his name dragged on the mud for her told me that he’ll willingly go to jail for her.

That made me wonder…

Ganyan ba ang pag-ibig?

Selfless?

Kaya ko bang makulong para kay Lui?

Paano kung hindi? Ibig sabihin ba hindi ko siya minahal dati?

A lot of questions plagued my mind na halos mapa-tigil ako nang makita ko siya na naka-tayo sa may arrivals at diretsong naka-tingin sa akin. Napa-hinto ako sa paglalakad. Lumapit siya sa akin at saka kinuha iyong hawak kong maleta na puro lang documents iyong laman.

“Hinahanap ka na nila Niko,” he began telling me while I was trying to catch up with him dahil agad na naglakad siya without even greeting me. “I’ll drop you off there.”

“Iyong gamit ko—”

“Sa sasakyan ko muna,” he said.

“Okay?” sagot ko. “Iiwan mo lang ako doon?”

“May trabaho ako.”

“Wala naman akong sinabi na wala.”

“Susunduin din kita mamaya.”

“You don’t have to—”

“Nasa akin iyong gamit mo,” he said, cutting me off. “Go meet with them. We can talk about the case later.”

“Okay…” medyo naguguluhan na tanong ko. “I mean, nandon din naman sila Niko…” sabi ko dahil abogado rin naman sila. Pwede naman akong makipag-usap sa kanila tungkol sa kaso ni Vito…

“Criminal lawyers ba sila?” he asked like he was pissed that I even had to ask.

I bit my tongue. Ayokong makipagtalo sa gitna ng parking ng airport. Naka-tayo lang ako roon habang nilalagay niya sa may trunk ng sasakyan niya iyong gamit ko.

“One more thing,” he said. Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya at naghihintay sa susunod na sasabihin niya. “I’d appreciate it if you won’t discuss us with them.”

“Us,” I repeated. “Meron pala non.”

“Exactly. Wala ng ganon. Kaya bakit pa pag-uusapan?”

I had to bite my tongue once again… but this time, I bit hard enough that I tasted blood in my tongue.

“Sure. May iba ka pa bang utos?” tanong ko sa kanya.

“Finish this case quickly and go back to your quiet life,” he said as he almost slammed the door of the trunk shut.

Chapter 44

Chapter 44

Admittedly, when I first heard about Vito’s case, I thought he was insane for what he did. Kasi sino ba naman ang nasa matinong isip ang gagawin ang ginawa niya? Ang akuin iyong kaso na para sa iba? I thought he has lost his mind… until I met Assia.

One conversation with her and I understood why he did what he did—at kung bakit pati sina Niko ay para bang gagawin ang lahat para protektahan siya.

“You don’t have to do this,” I told Lui nang ihatid niya ako sa condo ko. “I can handle this case alone.”

“Mas mabilis kapag tinulungan kita.”

“Can’t wait to get rid of me,” I commented. He gave me a look that told me that he agreed with me. It stung a little, but I really couldn’t blame him. Nasabihan na rin ako ng ibang kakilala ko na masakit ako magsalita. In my defense, I practice restraint… kaya kapag nakapagsalita na ako ng masama, it means that I already reached my limits. Kasi tao lang din naman ako na napipikon.

Inilagay ko sa lamesa iyong mga files sa kaso ni Assia. Shanelle couldn’t wait to hand them over to me. May mga notes din doon na sinulat sina Niko at Sancho. They’re all really trying to help.

“Lui,” I called his attention dahil seryoso siyang nagbabasa. Napa-tingin siya sa akin. “Can I take a shower first?”

Bahagyang kumunot ang noo niya. “Nasa akin ba ’yung shampoo?” pilosopong sagot niya.

I rolled my eyes before I walked away. Naninibago ako sa ugali niya. Nung nag-away kami dati, formal naman siya kapag biglang nagkkrus ang landas namin. Sure, we weren’t friendly, but he was never this hostile. At most, he’d pretend not to know me… In my opinion, mas okay ata iyon kaysa sa ganito na ang reflex niya ata ay ubusin ang pasensya ko.

I took a quick shower. Mas mabilis ako maka-labas ay mas mabilis din siyang aalis. I reminded myself over and over again to keep things professional kaya naman instead na nighties kagaya ng usual na sinusuot ko ay naka-pajama at sweater ako.

“Do you want coffee?” I asked as I walked out of the bedroom.

“No,” he replied.

I merely shrugged as I walked towards the kitchen para gumawa ng kape. Habang hinihintay ko na matapos iyon ay muling napa-tingin ako sa lamesa. Nakita ko kung paano bahagyang naka-kunot ang noo niya habang binabasa niya iyong information. He’s probably thinking on how to get Vito out on a technicality—his forte.

“I have a question,” I told him. Napa-tingin siya sa akin. “Who do you think will win kung ako pa rin iyong may hawak sa kaso ni Revilla?”

“Why do you insist on doing this?” he asked.

“Insist on what?”

“Walking down the memory lane.”

Bahagyang napa-awang ang labi ko. Hindi ako maka-sagot. Kasi ano ba ang isasagot ko doon?

It was like the universe got a whiff of the embarrassment that I was feeling dahil biglang tumigil sa pagbuhos iyong kape ko. Mabilis kong itinuon pabalik doon ang atensyon ko at nagpanggap na hindi ako napa-hiya sa sinabi ni Lui.

Why… was I doing that exactly?

I was the one who ended things with him.

Tahimik akong naglakad papunta sa may lamesa kung nasaan iyong mga papel. I quietly took my seat and placed my coffee on the table. I drew a deep breath and reminded myself once again to be professional.

“I heard Julia’s the prosecutor,” I said.

Lui nodded without looking at me. It’s either he’s focused on the case o ayaw niya lang akong tignan—both choices were plausible.

“She’ll go harder this time considering that he actually died,” I continued. If she could justify his wrongdoings nung buhay pa siya, mas lalo pa ngayon na patay na siya at sa pananaw ni Julia ay biktima siya.

Lui looked at me. “Did you talk to Sancho?”

“Yes… why?”

“May sinabi ba siya sa ’yo?”

Lumalim ang pagkunot ng noo ko nang mapagtanto ko kung ano iyong tinutukoy niya. “Ikaw ba iyong nagbigay ng idea na ’yon sa kanya?”

“You honestly think that I’m the root of all things evil.”

“I didn’t mean—”

“I didn’t suggest that to them,” he said, cutting me off. “But they have a point. Villamontes’ family won’t stop hanggang walang nakukulong para sa pagkamatay ni Arthur.”

“And you think they’d be satisfied while knowing that we threw a random person in jail?”

“They don’t know anything for sure,” Lui replied. “As you read in the information, walang ibang tao doon bukod kay Vito. And we’re certain that Vito won’t sell Assia out. Villamontes’ family won’t risk going against Vito’s family.”

“And why are you sure about that?”

“Because.”

“Because what?” I pressed on.

Lui gave me that look that he used to give me before—iyon bang may bagay na gusto niyang agad na sabihin sa akin pero nagtatalo pa sa utak niya kung dapat ba niyang sabihin o hindi.

“You should talk to Vito and convince him that this is the best option for him—unless he prefers to rot in prison,” he said instead.

He ultimately chose not to tell me whatever was going on in his mind.

“I can,” I told him, “But I honestly don’t think that Assia will go for it—because newsflash, may mga tao pa rin na may konsensya.”

I already told Assia about that option, but she looked like she’d rather throw herself in jail kaysa mandamay ng inosenteng tao. She’s pure like that. Kaya mas bumibigat lang ang konsensya ko dahil kung hindi ako umurong sa kaso laban kay Villamontes dati, hindi sana mangyayari sa kanya lahat ng kababuyan ni Villamontes.

That guilt will always stay with me…

“Fine, so what’s your brilliant plan?” he asked, his tone smug like he was challenging me.

“Innocent until proven guilty. Vito’s an upstanding citizen with no criminal record. No gun, no weapon. Everything’s circumstantial at this point,” sabi ko sa kanya. “I say let the prosecution do its job and prove that Vito’s the one who pulled the trigger.”

“Julia will argue that Vito’s the only person present and given his history with Arthur, there can be a sufficient provocation on Vito’s part.”

“History of what? At this point, everything’s hearsay.”

“Hypothetically,” Lui said. “If Julia can present evidence of the history between Assia, Vito, and Arthur?”

“Then Julia will open a can of worms that I’d gladly dive in—and we both know that she cares about her best friend’s legacy,” sagot ko kay Lui.

We continued discussing the case. Lui’s throwing arguments that Julia might use. If I were being honest, I was enjoying what we were doing. I had always known that Lui’s smart, but we were never really given the chance to argue like this in court. Iba pala talaga kapag galing St. Claire’s.

Halos hindi na namin namalayan iyong oras dahil sa tagal ng diskusyon namin. I offered Lui a cup of coffee dahil anong oras na rin at baka inaantok na siya, but he declined.

“Thanks,” I told him as I walked him to the door.

He gave me a small nod. “Inform me if you’ve come to an agreement with Vito regarding the defense,” he said.

“Will do.”

He, once again, gave me a small nod before he simply turned his back on me and walked away… and I stood there and watched as he did—because it wasn’t as if I had a choice in the matter.

---

It seemed as though wala ring kwenta ang naging meeting namin ni Lui para sa defense ni Vito dahil nagdesisyon si Assia na pumunta sa presinto at umamin na siya iyong bumaril kay Villamontes. I told her again and again, as her counsel and also as someone who grew to care about her, kung ano ang implication ng gusto niyang gawin.

She said that she wouldn’t be able to live with herself kung may inosenteng tao ang makukulong dahil sa ginawa niya… And I respected her decision. I knew too damn well kung ano ang tinutukoy niya.

It weighs heavy.

Bago kami pumunta sa presinto ay hinanda na namin iyong extra-judicial confession ni Assia. I read it again and again and again. Sure, she might’ve pulled the trigger, but Arthur deserved that and more.

Hindi talaga ako naniniwala kapag sinasabi ng iba na magaling akong abogado, but this time, I needed that to come true—I needed to pull through for Assia.

We went to the precinct together. I went out for a fucking second at pagbalik ko ay agad kong nakita si Julia na naka-upo sa harapan ni Assia. Agad na nag-init ang ulo ko dahil alam na alam ko ang galawan ni Julia pati iyong katotohanan na kahit ata sa harapan niya gawin iyon ni Arthur ay magbubulag-bulagan pa rin siya. I had long given up trying to understand how the mental gymnastics inside her mind works.

“No discussion with my client without my presence,” I said as I took the seat next to Assia.

Julia looked at me with her brow slightly arched. “Okay…” she said as she straightened her back. “Let me try again… in the presence of your counsel,” she said with a taunting tone. “According to the confession you submitted, you’re the one who shot the victim—”

“In self-defense,” I said, cutting her off. “After he tried to rape her— again. “

“Allegedly,” she said.

“That’s what happened,” I said in response.

“The judge will decide.”

“Thankfully it’s not up to you,” I said with a small smile because we both know that if it were up to her, she’d probably build Arthur a wax figure and worship him. Seriously… is she like in love with him?

“My client voluntarily surrendered, and I’d like to have that in record,” I told her as I reminded myself that this was about Assia and not some beef betweem me and Julia.

Mahinang natawa siya. “This is some joke, right?”

“I don’t think I’m funny enough, so no,” I told her. “She voluntarily surrendered, and whatever you want to ask her, I’m sure it’s already included in the signed confession. If any, let’s thresh it out in the court, as how the legal system should work.”

Julia stood up and called the police. I tried to keep a straight face as I watched Assia getting cuffed. I needed to appear strong in front of her because that’s my job.

“I’ll come after all of you,” Julia told Assia bago siya dalhin papunta sa selda.

“Julia,” I called her. “You saw her. Do you honestly think she has it in her to kill someone?”

She gave me a straight look. “Criminals come in all shapes and sizes.”

I pressed my lips into a thin line. “Fine.”

“You already have your cushy job. I don’t understand why you’re doing this again,” she told me.

“Because you didn’t let me do my job before and now, I have a chance to alleviate my conscience,” I replied before I left her because I knew that I’d be receiving Vito’s ire for what me and Assia did.

Vito was mad at me, but I didn’t take it against him. He’s understandably upset, but I’d rather he turns his anger in helping me with the case. Wala namang magagawa ’yang galit niya.

“What are you doing?” I asked when I saw Lui in the parking lot sa condo ni Niko. Doon kasi kami nagmmeeting.

“Niko called me,” he replied. “He said Vito lost his shit.”

“Understandably.”

“What’s the plan now?”

“Self-defense—on the top of my head,” sagot ko. “I’ll talk to Niko about the possibility of tracking down all the other victims of Villamontes.”

“Do you really have to do that?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Come on, Tali, you’re brilliant. You can easily win this case without doing all that.”

Bahagyang kumunot ang noo ko. “Why are you so afraid of me digging up the past, Lui?” I asked him. “At bakit dito mo ako sa parking kinakausap? Bakit hindi ka umaakyat sa condo? Tinataguan mo ba sila Niko? Gaya ng ginawa mo kay Samuel noon, may ginawa ka rin ba kina Vito?”

Like always, Lui gave me no response… but the look on his face told me that there’s a whole story waiting to be uncovered. 

**

This story is already at Chapter 52 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 45

Chapter 45

Akala ko sobrang tanga ko na sa pag-ibig… mali pala ako dahil hindi ko pa nakikilala si Vito. Kalagitnaan ng gabi nung tawagan niya ako para tanungin tungkol sa progress ng kaso. Kasama ko si Lui. Tinutulungan niya pa rin ako sa kaso. Tama naman siya na abogado man sina Vito, pero iba pa rin kapag criminal lawyer at sanay sa litigation iyong kasama ko.

“What?” I asked nung banggitin niya iyong plano niya na lumabas sa TV at magbigay ng pabuya. Napa-tingin sa akin si Lui na naka-kunot ang noo dahil sa biglang pagbabago ng tono ng boses ko.

Vito went on to tell me that he knows for a fact that Villamontes did this before already. That he won’t stop hanggang walang lumalabas na ibang biktima ni Villamontes. That he’d do anything para maka-labas si Assia sa kulungan.

Sa tono pa lang ng boses niya ay alam ko na na desidido siya. Anuman ang sabihin ko ay hindi siya makikinig. I didn’t even know why he bothered to tell me about this.

Nang matapos iyong usapan namin ni Vito ay naalala ko na kasama ko nga pala si Lui. He was looking at me like he was waiting for me to tell him kung ano iyong pinag-usapan namin ni Vito. Still, after all this time, halos hindi pa rin siya nagpapakita kina Vito—lalo na kay Niko. He’s acting all sketchy kapag nababanggit ko sila sa kanya.

“What?” I asked when I saw him staring.

“What did he say?” he asked back. Mukhang curious talaga siya kaya hindi niya mapigilang magtanong.

“That was Vito.”

“I know,” he quickly replied like he wanted me to just straight up tell him kung ano iyong sinabi ni Vito para magreact ako ng ganon kanina.

“He said that he’ll go on national TV and offer money for any victims of Arthur to come forward,” sabi ko. “He’s offering ten million per victim. I’m certain it’ll only take quite some time before someone comes forward,” dugtong ko. Malaking pera iyong sampung milyon. Sigurado ako na sinira ni Villamontes ang buhay ng mga biktima niya kaya malaking bagay iyong pera na ’yon.

“And you advised him to go ahead with it?”

Napa-kunot ang noo ko. “It’s his money,” I told him. “Besides, I highly doubt na makikinig siya sa sasabihin ko.”

“You’re the lawyer.”

“And he’s a fool in love—talo na agad ako.”

I didn’t understand, like always, kung bakit ganito iyong reaksyon ni Lui. He left shortly after that. I didn’t even bother to ask him why. At this point, naghihintay na lang ako. Naniniwala talaga ako na walang sikreto ang hindi nabubunyag kaya malalaman at malalaman ko rin kung anuman ang tinatago niya. Until then, I’d focus on giving my all sa kaso ni Assia.

“You sure about this?” I asked Vito bago siya humarap sa media.

“Yes,” he replied. “Why? Will you stop me?”

“No,” sagot ko.

“Can you say for certain that you can win Assia’s case if I don’t do this?”

I wanted to tell him yes, I was confident na kaya kong ipanalo ang kaso na ’to. But I’d be lying if I say that… mahirap talaga ipanalo ang self-defense lalo na at walang history si Villamontes dahil laging dismiss iyong mga kaso niya dati. This was actually the first case against him kahit marami na siyang kagaguhan na ginawa.

Also, I knew that more than anyone na pagdating sa mga ganitong kaso, lalo na kapag involved ang makakapangyarihang tao, hindi mo pa rin masasabi.

But it’s not my story to tell or not to tell… kaya nga hindi ko rin sinasabi kina Vito iyong tungkol sa client ko dati. I did reach out to her. She left me unanswered. It wasn’t like I could blame her. Sinubukan niya na dati… walang nangyari. I perfectly understood kung nawalan na siya ng tiwala sa sistema. I would, too, kung sa akin nangyari ’yon.

Kaya sisikapin ko talaga na ipanalo ang kaso ni Assia because for me, her win is a win for all the victims of Villamontes.

I instructed Vito na ’wag isama iyong pangalan ni Assia sa panawagan niya. If there’s anything I know about her, it’s that she didn’t need any more negativity and publicity from this case. Vito agreed. Mukha ni Arthur Villamontes ang naka-paskil sa may offer niya. I was pretty sure that we’d be hearing from his family dahil sa ginawa na ’to ni Vito. Gagawin pa naman nila lahat para pagtakpan si Arthur tapos biglang ipapaskil ni Vito iyong mukha niya at papangalanan siya na sexual abuser?

Nakikita ko na ang gulo na paparating.

And true enough, Vito’s stint kept me busy. On top of the criminal case of Assia, ang dami kong natatanggap na harrassment mula sa abogado ng pamilya ng mga Villamontes. They’re threatening to file a civil complaint as well as criminal one against Vito dahil daw sa paninirang puri niya sa pamilya nila. I told Vito about this, but he told me to tell them to shove it where the sun doesn’t shine.

He really doesn’t give a fuck anymore, that one.

“Can you read my mind?” Niko asked nang mahuli niya ako na naka-tingin sa kanya.

Napaayos ako ng upo. “No,” I replied. Kapag kasi napapa-tingin ako sa kanya ay natitigilan ako. I wanted to ask him about Lui at kung bakit palagay ko ay iniiwasan siya ni Lui, but I didn’t wanna take any attention away from Assia’s case.

“Oh,” sabi niya tapos ay naka-ngiti. “Good news. We finally found someone.”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. “Really?” hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko. Sa laki ng offer ni Vito, ang dami naming natanggap na bogus claims. Kumuha si Niko ng mga tao na sasagot sa tawag at magfifilter nung mga tawag. It took quite a while. I was fine with waiting dahil mas gusto ko na sigurado, but I knew that they were eager to get Assia out of jail as quickly as possible.

Niko nodded. “It’s verified, but of course we need to double check.”

Napa-hinga ako nang maluwag. “Alright. Kailan daw siya pwedeng maka-usap?”

For some reason, I didn’t tell Lui about this… I mean, sigurado naman ako na malalaman niya pero ewan ko. My guts were telling me not to tell him about this one—or at least until ma-secure ko iyong statement nung witness. Naaalala ko pa rin kasi iyong nangyari dati na sigurado na sana ako sa kaso tapos biglang… patay na iyong witness ko.

Even I, at that time, was surprised at the lengths people will go through just to save themselves.

Niko set up a meeting between me and Patricia. Na-double check na ’to nila Vito, but I still wanted to do my due diligence. Ayoko ng surpresa sa mismong hearing.

I got her judicial affidavit at kinuhanan ko na rin siya ng video testimony—it couldn’t hurt to have both.

“You got everything you need?” Niko asked me. It took me the whole day dahil gusto ko na kumpleto lahat sa files ko.

I nodded. “Yes. I think we’re good,” sagot ko sa kanya. “I already filed a motion para makakuha ng DNA ni Villamontes for comparison sa anak ni Patricia,” I continued. Patricia told us na anak ni Villamontes iyong bata. That would be a solid evidence na nagkaroon ng, at the very least, sexual relationship sa kanilang dalawa.

Niko asked me different things regarding Assia’s case and I answered them as clearly as I possibly could kasi ramdam ko iyong dedication niya sa kaso na ’to.

“I have a question,” I told him.

“Sure.”

“I mean, Assia is lovely… but—” I stopped kasi parang alam niya naman kung saan papunta iyong tanong ko. “Sorry if I’m being too nosy.”

“No, it’s fine,” he said, waving his hand. “Jersey did ask the same thing,” he continued. “Assia’s been our friend since our first year in law school. Things got a bit messy during our last year in school. I guess I just feel a little guilty. That what if things weren’t bad between us before… that maybe what happened before wouldn’t have happened… or at least we would’ve been there to protect her.”

I saw him heaving out a heavy sigh.

“But what’s done is done. What we can do now is to ensure that she’ll get out of jail,” he said and then he looked at me. “I know you said you don’t do magic… but I wish that this time, you can use some of that fairy dust or whatever.”

I just gave him a small smile.

“My turn,” he said. “How’s Lui?” he asked.

I shrugged. “Di ka ba galit sa kanya?”

Napa-kunot ang noo niya. “Why would you think that?”

I shrugged again. “I mean… he’s your friend… I guess even I was expecting that he’ll be helping more…”

Niko gave me a small nod. “What made you think that he’s not helping?” he asked.

“Tumutulong ba siya?”

Bahagyang natawa si Niko. “In a way,” Niko replied. “Besides, I understand his position—that whole frat thing is fucked up. That’s why I never joined in the first place. I don’t like owing shit to anyone. And I have my friends if I ever need help.”

Tama naman siya… thankful din ako sa sorority pero minsan kapag may humihingi ng favor, nahihirapan din ako umayaw dahil naka-benefit din ako dati. Kung uulitin ko lang, hindi na siguro ako sasali. Mas magfofocus na lang ako sa pag-aaral. Ang hirap din talaga na may utang na loob. Parang lagi kang pwedeng sumbatan.

The next few days, I worked harder than ever to make sure that everything will go smoothly during the cross and direct. Medyo mahirap kausap si Patricia, but I extended my patience dahil alam ko na mahirap din sa kanya na paulit-ulit na pag-usapan iyong nangyari dati. I wished Julia would not go as hard on her, but I knew better. Hindi ko mapipigilan si Julia dahil trabaho lang din naman niya ’yon, so I just have to prepare Patricia better.

The day of the cross-examination, tinawagan ko muna sina Niko. Gusto ko kasing sumabay sa kanila papunta sa court. He told me that everything’s fine and that they’d be leaving in a while. Napanatag ako dahil may kasama naman silang security. It wasn’t like before na walang laban iyong witness ko… It’s different now. I have to keep on reminding myself that tuwing kinakabahan ako na may masamang mangyayari.

Once again, I checked my things to make sure na kumpleto iyong mga gamit ko. Limang beses ko na atang chineck iyon. I had to stop myself kasi counterproductive na.

Then I heard a knock on the door. Bahagyang napa-kunot iyong noo ko dahil medyo weird na pinuntahan pa ako ni Niko sa unit ko. Ang usapan ay pupunta ako sa kanila. But maybe he thought na marami akong dala kaya tutulungan niya ako.

“Lui,” I said when I opened the door and saw that it was Lui who was standing outside my door. “Why are you here?” I asked. I hadn’t heard from him in a few days. I just told myself that he’s busy with his work. It happens. Besides, I didn’t have the time to think about him.

“Papunta ka na sa court?”

“No. Sasabay ako kila Niko,” I replied tapos ay napa-tingin ulit ako sa phone ko dahil anytime ay magtetext na si Niko sa akin. “Why?”

Naka-tingin lang siya sa akin.

There was… worry in his eyes.

Dare I say fear?

Ewan.

I didn’t have the luxury to examine every little details about him.

“I’ll drive you there,” he said.

“What? Why?” I asked because his offer was all of a sudden and out of the blue.

“Today’s the cross with the witness, right?”

Bahagyang napa-kunot ang noo ko. Sinabi ko ba sa kanya iyong tungkol kay Patricia? I mean, he did know about the ten million offer of Vito… He probably thought na by now, may witness na kami. Or maybe alam niya kasi ano ba ang hindi niya alam? Bago ko pa ata malaman ay alam niya na agad. Iba talaga ang nagagawa ng koneksyon.

“Yes.” He gave a small nod. “We’ll be winning this case,” I told him for sure. “Kung nabili man nila iyong judge, the first thing I’ll do is to appeal this case and file an administrative case against the judge dahil sigurado ako na nagkaroon ng dayaan.”

Lui looked at me intently. “I’m sure you will,” sabi niya at napansin ko na napa-tingin siya sa orasan sa may sala ko. Napa-tingin din ako doon.

Napa-kunot ang noo ko. “Weird…”

This was a very important day… ngayon pa ba sila male-late?

“I’ll drive you there,” Lui said once again.

“Why?”

“Nothing,” he replied. “Important direct mo ngayon. Gusto ko lang manood.”

“Hindi mo na iniiwasan sila Niko?”

“Hindi ko iniiwasan sila Niko,” he replied. I arched a brow. “Just… conflict of interest.”

“Really?” I asked. “Between your friends and a fucking rapist? Conflict of interest?”

He looked at me like he was in no mood to argue. “It’s not like that and you know it,” he said.

“Fine, whatever…” sabi ko na lang.

Lui was acting a bit weird na parang hindi siya mapakali. I wanted to ask kung bakit dito kami dumaan, but maybe may traffic doon sa usual na dinadaanan ko. Mas kabisado naman ni Lui iyong daan dito.

Nagtext ako kay Niko na baka ma-late ako nang kaunti dahil traffic, but that on the way na ako. Nakita ko na nagseen siya. I was waiting for a reply… but after a while, hindi rin ako mapakali dahil hindi sumasagot si Niko. It was like I was having deja vu sa nangyari sa akin dati. I kept on calling them pero ni isa sa kanila ay walang sumasagot.

There was a gnawing feeling inside me… telling me that something bad happened…

My chest began to tighten and it was like I couldn’t breathe.

Nangyayari na naman.

Para akong hinahabol ng sumpa na ’to.

I kept on looking at my phone like I was waiting for someone to finally break the bad news to me.

And then I heard it on the radio.

‘Breaking news: isang SUV ang natambangan. Bilang ng namatay ay hindi bababa sa dalawampung katao.’

Agad akong napa-tingin sa kanya.

“What the fuck did you do?!”

**

This story is already at Chapter 53 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 46

Chapter 46

“I didn’t do anything!”

Hindi ako maka-hinga.

Pasikip nang pasikip iyong dibdib ko.

My hands were trembling as I began to unbuckle the seatbelt. I needed to leave. I couldn’t breathe. Nanlalamig iyong buong pagkatao ko habang patuloy kong naririnig iyong balita tungkol sa nangyaring pananambang. Ni hindi nila kailangang bigyan ng pangalan para malaman ko kung kaninong sasakyan iyong tinutukoy nila.

I knew this would happen.

Dahil kung kaya nilang bilhin iyong mga judge at prosecutor noon, sino ba ang nagsasabi na hindi nila kayang pumatay ng witness? But I thought wrong. Masyado akong umasa na dahil nandyan sila Vito—

I flinched as Lui tried to hold me to calm me down.

“My god, Lui! Kaibigan mo sila Vito!” I shouted as realization dawned on me na kasama sa sasakyan na ’yon sila Niko at Vito. Mas nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang mapagtanto ko iyong dahilan kung bakit pinuntahan niya ako sa unit… kung bakit may kakaiba akong pakiramdam kanina… na para bang pinipigilan niya ako na pumunta doon.

Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig.

“You knew… that this… would happen.”

Agad siyang umiling. “I didn’t—”

“Don’t touch me!” I said as he tried to reach me once again. Nanginginig ang kamay na muli kong sinubukang tawagan sila Niko. Pasikip nang pasikip ang dibdib ko sa bawat segundo na hindi nila sinasagot iyong tawag ko.

Oh, god.

Why did this keep on happening?!

Dahil lang sa isang tao?!

Gagawin nilang lahat ’to para lang pagtakpan lahat ng kababuyan ni Villamontes?!

I got out of the car. Wala akong pakielam kung magmukha akong tanga o baliw dahil bigla akong lumabas sa sasakyan habang nasa gitna kami ng kalsada. A traffic enforcement tried to reprimand me. I showed him my IBP ID. I hated people who use their privilege to get away with things, but I didn’t need anyone getting in my way now.

Agad akong pumara ng sasakyan.

“San po tayo, Ma’am?”

Hindi ako maka-sagot.

Saan ako pupunta?

Sa korte?

Kina Assia?

Kay Jersey?

Sa morgue—

Muli akong huminga nang malalim. I needed to get it together. I didn’t have the luxury of breaking down.

I told the driver to bring me to the court. Habang nasa sasakyan ako ay panay ang pagtawag ko sa numero nila Vito. They’re not dead until I see their lifeless bodies with my own eyes. Until then, walang patay. I refuse to even entertain the possibility dahil hindi ko alam kung paano ako aahon kapag nalaman ko na lahat sila ay wala na.

Agad na nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang sagutin ni Niko iyong tawag ko.

“Niko?” I said. I needed to hear his voice. I needed him to confirm to me that he’s alive.

“Y-yeah. I’m s-sorry. I saw your calls—”

“Nasan ka? Nasan kayo? Kasama mo ba sila Vito?”

Sinabi sa akin ni Niko iyong nangyari. Na dapat ay sasabay siya sa sasakyan kasama sina Patricia, pero tinawagan siya ng nanay niya at natagalan sila sa pag-uusap kaya hindi sila naka-sakay doon.

I wanted to tell him about Lui—kung paanong pinigilan niya rin ako na maka-punta roon, but I decided against it. I needed to focus on the things I could control because I couldn’t fall apart—not right now.

Halos sabay kaming nakarating nila Vito roon. Gusto kong takbuhin iyong daan papunta sa kanila, pero agad akong natigilan nang makita ko iyong itsura nila. They didn’t even need words to describe the horrors that just transpired. I hated that they looked guilty kahit hindi naman sila ang may kasalanan sa mga nangyari.

I hated that we all had to carry the burden of the things that those fuckers did.

Nakaka-pagod.

“I think they’re dead,” sabi ni Vito. His eyes were blank. It was like he was still in denial. “They’re dead… right?” tanong niya habang naka-tingin kay Niko na hindi nagsasalita.

I drew another deep breath.

We can’t all fall apart.

“Listen,” I said as I grabbed him by his arms. “We’ll get them for this, I promise you,” I continued. “But Assia’s still inside. We have to go inside. There’s still a case—”

“We have no witness—”

“I have the judicial affidavit. I also got a video copy of Patricia’s—” agad na parang may bara sa lalamunan ko nang banggitin ko iyong pangalan niya. Huminga ako nang malalim. I couldn’t cry. I needed to be strong. They’re not winning. “There’s still a case, Vito. I will go inside and ask to re-schedule. It’ll be fine,” I lied because how can everything be fine?

How?

Hindi ko alam kung ilang malalim na paghinga ang nagawa ko. All I knew was while inside, while I was talking to Assia and the judge, I had to pretend that everything’s fine… that everything’s still under control… kasi kung hindi, paano?

Ganon na lang ’yon?

Pinatay nila iyong witness?

Tapos na?

No.

Fucking hell.

“Tali.”

Sabay kaming napa-tingin nila Vito kay Lui. He didn’t even look relieved nor surprised to see his friends alive! He’s been in this all along and I couldn’t even begin to think kung ano ang sinasabi niya sa sarili niya para maisip niya na okay lang lahat ng ginagawa niya—o iyong hindi niya ginawa!

“I don’t have time for this,” I told him as I walked inside the court. Wala akong panahon para pakinggan iyong paliwanag niya o kung anumang kasinungalingan ang lalabas sa bibig niya.

Sabay kaming naglakad ni Vito. Halos takbuhin niya si Assia nang makita niya ’to. I saw relief flood her face nang makita niya kami. She kept on asking about what happened. Pareho kaming walang masagot dahil kahit kami ay hindi pa rin alam kung ano ang nangyari.

“Tali—”

Mabilis akong umiling. I knew what she wanted to tell me, but I didn’t want to hear it. Not right now. I just wanted to relish the anger that I was feeling. I needed this fire to keep on burning. “I’m so—” Muli akong natigilan. Pilit akong huminga nang malalim. My lips were quivering as I struggled to breathe. “I’ll talk t-to the j-judge for re-sched… I won’t let them get away with this. Fuck. Tangina. Fucking devils.”

Assia looked at me like she just wanted everything to end.

I wanted that, too.

Pero alam ko na kung titigil kami ngayon, mangyayari lang ’to nang paulit-ulit. Gaya nung dati. Kaya hindi na ako papayag. Hindi ako titigil hanggang hindi sila tumitigil.

“I’ll get you out of here, you hear me? I’ll get you out of here, Assia. I fucking mean it,” I promised her.

Agad ko silang iniwang dalawa. I went to the Judge’s chamber. Akala ko ay kailangan ko pang magpaliwanag, pero masyadong malaking balita iyong nangyari kaya mabilis na napagbigyan iyong motion ko.

“Thank you, Judge,” sabi ko dahil kailangan ko ng kahit isang panalo ngayong araw. I just needed at least one thing to go right today.

“Are you okay, Atty. Hernaez?” tanong niya sa akin kaya nabigla ako. I must’ve looked like hell para tanungin niya ako ng ganon.

“No,” I honestly replied. “But I will be back with more cases.”

Nang lumabas ako ay agad kong nakita si Lui na naghihintay sa akin. I quickly saw the cut on the side of his lips. Did Niko do that to him? Did he finally come clean sa lahat ng ginawa niya?

“Don’t fucking even,” I told him when he began to approach me.

He did a lot of things.

I justified a lot of those things.

This was the fucking line.

“I didn’t do anything!” sabi niya habang patuloy siyang sinusundan ako. I kept on looking everywhere for a sign of a fucking taxi or honestly anything that could get me far away from him.

“I didn’t know that they’ll do that, Tali!”

I refused to listen to his words when I felt him grabbing me by my shoulder.

“Don’t fucking touch me!”

Humigpit lang ang paghawak niya sa balikat ko. He was looking at me like he wouldn’t let me go unless I listen to him. “I didn’t know that they’ll do that,” pag-uulit niya. “You have to believe me—”

“Why would I believe you?!”

“Because I’m not a fucking devil, Tali! Did you honestly think that I’d agree to a plan to kill dozens of people para lang pagtakpan ang isang tao?”

“You tell me!”

Agad siyang napa-tingin sa gilid ko. A group of reporters were approaching. Mabilis na hinawakan ni Lui iyong kamay ko at hinatak ako papunta sa sasakyan niya. I wanted to make a scene just to get away from him, but a part of my mind was telling me to maintain my composure. I couldn’t lose it in front of the press. I would look like a fucking lunatic and I couldn’t have that now—not when I was already planning all the fucking cases that I’ll be filing against that devil of a family.

I bit my tongue hanggang sa maramdaman ko iyong pagdudugo niyon. Lui pulled over in front of a vacant lot. Agad akong lumabas. I was so angry that tears just kept on falling from my eyes.

“Tali—”

“God, please stop calling my name!” sigaw ko sa kanya. “This time, I mean it, leave me alone!”

Mabilis akong naglakad palayo pero kung gaano kabilis ang hakbang ko ay ganoon din niya ako kabilis na nahabol. He held my wrist and refused to let me go kahit anong pagpupumiglas ang gawin ko.

“I didn’t know!” paulit-ulit na sabi niya. “Do you honestly think they’d tell me anything?! They know that Vito’s my friend and you’re—” He paused. I saw tears pooling in his eyes. I refused to believe anything he does or say.

He’s a fucking liar.

He’s a manipulative asshole.

He’s beyond saving.

“Tali… please…” he said, his voice breaking. “Hindi ko alam…”

Hindi ako nagsalita.

“Hindi ako pumunta kanina dahil alam ko na mangyayari ’yon. Something just felt… wrong.”

Tears began to fall.

Pati pala demonyo ay kayang umiyak.

“I just felt it in my gut. That’s why I went that morning. That’s why I offered to drive you. Dahil kung may mangyayari, gusto ko na kasama mo ko—”

I looked at him and looked at his hand that was holding me hostage.

“Bitaw.”

Mabilis siyang umiling. “No.”

Sinubukan kong bawiin iyong kamay ko, pero mas lalo lang humigpit iyong hawak niya sa akin. “Why won’t you leave me alone?!”

“Tali, these people—”

“Are fucking devils! And you protecting them makes you one, too!”

Kitang-kita ko iyong lalim ng paghinga niya. “I’m not protecting them—”

“You’re doing nothing and that’s the same!”

“What do you expect me to do?!”

“Oh, my god, Lui!” sigaw ko dahil hindi ako makapaniwala na sa lahat ng tao ay sa kanya pa ako nagka-gusto. I literally just saw Vito who was willing to throw everything for Assia and even Niko at Sancho who’d do the same for her kahit kaibigan lang nila si Assia.

And then there’s Lui.

Who would let everyone burn just so he can have the world.

“At this point? Nothing but leave me the fuck alone!”

**

This story is already at Chapter 54 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 47

Chapter 47

Tahimik lang kaming lahat sa loob ng sasakyan. Walang nagsasalita o baka walang gustong magsalita. Kasi ano pa ba ang pwede naming sabihin na hindi pa namin narinig mula sa pamilya ng mga namatayan?

Nang muling huminto iyong sasakyan ay lumabas kami. Muli ay sinalubong si Vito ng sampal. Wala kaming sinabi kung hindi patawad. Ni hindi ko magawang sabihin sa kanila na hindi ako titigil hanggang hindi ko sila nabibigyan ng hustisya.

I vow to give my everything to this case—I just didn’t want the risk of breaking their heart because I knew that this fight will take a long time. Ayoko na ihinto nila iyong buhay nila para dito.

“Tali…” pagtawag sa akin ni Jersey. Nasa labas kami. I just needed to breathe some air. “Kumain ka, please…”

“I’m okay.”

Umiling siya. “Hindi ka okay.”

Mapait akong napa-ngiti. “I’ll be okay. Don’t worry about me… Worry about Niko,” I told her. Alam ko na mabigat lahat ng dala namin, pero si Niko iyong naka-hanap kay Patricia. He’s the one who promised her that everything will be fine… na kailangan niya lang sabihin lahat ng ginawa sa kanya ni Villamontes.

That the money they’ll give her would allow her to create a better future for her child—little did she know na hindi na siya kasama sa hinaharap na ’yon.

“So, don’t worry about me, Jersey, I’ll be fine… once I’m done suing their fucking asses,” I told her before I walked back papunta sa loob para muling humingi ng tawad sa pamilya ng mga nawalan.

Nang matapos kami sa lahat ng pupuntahan namin ngayong araw ay ihahatid na dapat nila ako pauwi. I told them to drop me off in front of a bar. I just needed a drink—or maybe two. Alam ko na kahit anong pagod ang meron ako ay hindi iyon sapat para maka-tulog ako.

I gave them a small nod nang huminto iyong sasakyan. Back in law school, kilala ko lang sila Vito sa pangalan. I’d see them here and there, but we were never really that close… Who would’ve fucking thought that a tragedy like this would trauma bond us for life?

I walked in and sat by the bar. I ordered a whole bottle of whiskey. Sa lagay ng mga pangyayari, pakiramdam ko ay lagi akong nandito. Might as well buy a fucking bottle.

Naglabas ako ng notebook at ballpen mula sa bag ko. I began listing down the things that I needed to do. A criminal and civil case has already been filed, but I needed to get more evidence tungkol sa kung sino ang may kasalanan. I couldn’t just go to court and accuse that motherfucking family of orchestrating a whole massacre para lang pagtakpan lahat ng baho ng anak nila.

And I should file an administrative complaint with the Supreme Court. It physically pains me whenever I’d read Atty attached to that rapist’s name. Wala akong pakielam kung patay na siya. Wala akong pakielam kung magiging landmark case ’tong petition ko na ipa-disbar siya kahit patay na siya.

That whole family would do anything para pagtakpan iyong anak nila… so, why the hell shouldn’t I do the same? I’d create a landmark case myself na tipong kahit mga apo nila ay mababasa lahat ng kagaguhan ni Arthur Villamontes.

I was quietly minding my own business, trying enjoy the company of the alcohol and my miserable self, nang may maramdaman akong naupo sa tabi ko.

I drew a deep breath as I grabbed my phone.

“Hey, sorry for calling so late,” sabi ko nung sagutin ni Alisha iyong tawag ko. Ni hindi ko kailangang tignan kung sino iyong nasa tabi ko. At this point, ni hindi ko na rin kailangang alamin kung paano niya nalaman na nandito ako. Sinabi ba nila Jersey? Pinapa-sundan niya ba ako?

Who fucking cares?

“Can you ask for a favor sa uncle mo? Kung pwedeng tulungan ako magfile ng restraining order,” I told her. “Yes. Thank you.”

Nang matapos iyong tawag ay itinago ko na ulit iyong cellphone ko. Pinatago ko iyong bote sa may bartender dahil babalik pa naman ako dito saka halos hindi ko naubos iyong laman non. I quietly got up from my seat at naglakad palabas. Naka-tayo lang ako sa isang gilid at magbbook na sana ako ng sasakyan dahil hindi ko na kayang maglakad pauwi.

“I’ll drive you home.”

I was about to book a ride nang biglang kunin niya sa akin iyong cellphone ko. I had no energy left to argue with him—nor the desire to. I couldn’t even look at him.

Hindi ko kinuha pabalik iyong cellphone ko at naglakad na lang ako papunta sa direksyon ng condo ko. I could feel him following me. I just let him. It’s not like I could stop him—and it’s not like he’d listen to me.

Pagdating namin sa may condo ko ay lumapit ako sa may receptionist.

“Hi,” I said. “What’s the process to have someone banned from entering the building?” I asked. Agad siyang napa-tingin sa likuran ko. She probably thought that we’re some couple in the middle of an argument. I had no energy to correct her. I just stared at her until she felt uncomfortable enough to actually answer my question.

“Thank you,” sabi ko pagkatapos niya akong sagutin. Dumiretso ako sa elevator. Pagpasok ko roon ay naghintay ako na pumasok din siya. Tumayo lang siya sa harapan ko at hindi pumasok sa loob. I forced myself to look at him nang iabot niya iyong cellphone ko. I grabbed it back and stared at him until the door closed.

---

I barely noticed the days rolled in sa dami ng ginagawa ko. I had to render a leave of absence sa trabaho ko talaga. Natapos na kami nila Vito na puntahan lahat nung pamilya. I told him about the civil case, but we both knew that it would take years and even then, whatever amount the Court would grant would never be enough. He told me that he’d get the money from his trust fund. I offered to help. I also felt responsible—na kung talagang nilaban ko lang iyong kaso dati ay hindi na kami aabot sa ganito…

Vito told me to just focus on the criminal case and that’s exactly what I’ll do kahit na sinasabihan ako ng pamilya ko at lahat ata ng tao sa paligid ko na magdahan-dahan dahil kung kaya nilang gawin iyon sa ganong karaming tao na sabay-sabay, ano ang pumipigil sa kanila na patahimikin ako?

“Hey…”

Alisha looked at me with a worried look on her face. I just smiled at her. Maybe she’d point out the fact na pumayat ako. It wasn’t even surprising given the fact that I barely eat. Wala lang talaga akong gana.

“Tali, babe, I’m worried about you.”

“I’m fine—”

“No, you’re not,” sabi niya sa ’kin. Naupo siya sa lamesa sa harapan ko. She was adamant na magkita kami ngayon. “Look, I get where you’re coming from. You’re guilty sa mga nangyari. I understand… but it’s not your fault. Why do you beat up yourself so much about things you have no control over?”

Hindi ako nagsalita. Hindi naman ’to ’yung unang beses na narinig ko ’yung sinasabi niya. Litanya na ata ’yan ng pamilya ko.

“I think what happened to Assia and to the other girls are horrible… but it’s not your fight—”

“Please stop,” I told her bago pa kung ano ang masabi niya.

She looked at me, reached for my hands, and held them. “My uncle told me that you’ve been snooping around… He told me that those people will not hesitate to silence you—”

Agad na napa-kunot ang noo ko. “What?”

“Please, Tali, stop na, okay? Assia’s already out… Vito already took care of the family nung mga namatayan… You can stop and rest now. Tama na. Nag-aalala na talaga ako.”

Ni hindi ko narinig iyong sinabi ni Alisha dahil napako iyong isip ko sinabi niya. I’ve been snooping around? About what, exactly? And where? I was still deciding kung paano ang gagawin ko. I knew that I had to be smart about this dahil kapag nagfile ako ngayon at hindi ko naayos, magkakaroon ng double jeopardy. Ayokong magpadalos-dalos, so I decided na kahit gusto ko na agad ng hustisya, I had to be smart about this.

Para lang matapos na iyong usapan, sinabi ko kay Alisha kung ano ang gusto niyang marinig. Bago ako umuwi ay dumaan ako sa therapist ko. I needed a new prescription for my medicine. Hindi ako makaka-tulog kapag wala ’yon. Alcohol’s not cutting it for me anymore.

Dumiretso na ako pauwi. Malayo pa lang ay may nakita na naman akong pamilyar na mukha. Agad akong huminto sa paglalakad. He really just couldn’t leave me alone, could he?

“You’re violating the restraining order,” sabi ko habang naglalakad siya palapit sa akin.

“I know,” sabi niya habang palapit pa rin nang palapit. We’re in broad daylight. There were CCTVs everywhere. I would report him sa ginawa niyang ’to.

“Please stop—”

“I have to give this personally,” sabi niya at saka may inabot sa aking flash drive. Tumingin ako roon bago ko binalik ang tingin ko sa kanya.

He still looked like Lui… but somehow, different… very different.

“What’s that?”

“What you need,” he said. Bahagyang napa-kunot ang noo ko, pero inabot ko iyon. Pero hindi niya agad binitawan. “Is this really what you want?” he asked.

“What I want doesn’t matter—”

“Forgive me, but I really don’t give a shit about what other people want. I’m asking you if this is what you want.”

I stared at him.

“Yes.”

Hinigpitan ko iyong pagkaka-hawak ko roon.

“This is what I want,” I told him. “I want this bad enough that I feel as though I’ll die kapag hindi ko nakuha iyong gusto ko,” I continued as I felt my chest tightening once again as I remembered how some people could just get away with everything unscathed.

It angers me.

It makes me burn.

“Okay,” he said as he loosened his hold and I finally got the flash drive.

Pina-nood ko habang naglalakad siya paalis. Umakyat ako sa condo ko. Agad kong tinignan kung ano iyong laman nung binigay niya sa akin. Agad na nanlaki iyong mga mata ko nang makita ko lahat ng folder na nandon—maraming pamilyar na pangalan—pangalan ng mga sikat na politiko pati pangalan ng mga kakilala namin.

My heart began to race.

And then I remembered what Alisha told me—about someone asking around.

Si Lui ba ’yon?

Was he the one who did this?

I had a lot of questions swarming in my brain until I saw a folder named Valladares.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal na naka-tingin doon dahil hindi ko magawang tignan kung ano ang laman non.

Instead, I grabbed my phone and dialed his number. Kahit ata ilang beses kong burahin iyon ay kabisado ng utak ko ang bawat numero.

“Are you sure about this?” I asked nang sagutin niya iyong tawag na para bang alam niya na tatawagan ko siya. “This is your family.”

“Yes,” he replied. “It’s not like I can cover them up when they’re right in the middle of it all,” dugtong niya.

Then there was silence between us.

“Tali,” he called. Hindi ako nagsalita. “Do me a favor. Please don’t get yourself killed.”

**

This story is already at Chapter 55 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 48

Chapter 48

I didn’t know kung sino ang pwede kong kausapin tungkol dito. The more that I read the files that Lui gave me, parang mas lumiliit lalo iyong mundo ko.

They’re everywhere.

Suddenly, I felt so naive and stupid. Ilang beses kong sinumbatan si Lui na wala siyang ginagawa at hinahayaan niya lang mangyari ang lahat. I called him complicit—called him evil. Pero ngayon na nakikita ko na kung sinu-sino ang mga kasama dito? I understood. I understood kung bakit wala siyang magawa.

Kasi ganon din naman ako… kaya nga nangyari lahat ng ’to. Nung mga panahon na alam ko kung ano iyong dapat kong gawin, pero hindi ko magawa dahil naka-tali iyong mga kamay ko.

Lui’s in that exact same position.

Hindi sapat iyong linggo na ginugol ko para basahin lahat ng files. Siguro kung makikita ng mga magulang ko iyong condo ko, ipapasok na nila ako sa mental institution dahil para na akong conspiracy theorist. Ang daming litrato na naka-dikit sa pader ng condo ko. I just wanted to make sense of it all—kung paano sila naging magka-konekta kahit nasa magkakaibang sector sila.

I was obsessed with this web of crime. Ang daming pangalan. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako magsisimula.

Pakiramdam ko ay tuluyan na akong tatakasan ng bait kung wala akong makaka-usap tungkol dito. I wanted to talk to my friends, but I was afraid… Ayokong madamay sila dito. Even with my family, I had to beg and break down in front of my family para lang pumayag sila na pumunta sa ibang bansa.

I felt so alone. I kept on searching for someone na pwede kong maka-usap… hanggang sa maka-basa ako ng balita tungkol sa isang online post kung saan nabanggit iyong karamihan ng pangalan na kasama sa file na binigay sa akin ni Lui.

Mauro Eugenio dela Rama

I tried to search more about him, pero wala akong makita maliban sa kung saang school siya nag-aaral. Nang makita ko na sa Brent siya nag-aaral ay agad na naisip ko na puntahan siya doon. And then I was once again reminded of how ironic everything is…

Law school?

Law?

Karamihan sa pangalan na nabasa ko ay galing law school.

Puro kalokohan.

I quietly parked outside and waited hanggang sa maka-labas siya. Nang makita kong nasa labas na siya ay lalabas na rin sana ako para kausapin siya, pero nakita ko na agad siyang sumakay sa isang sasakyan. I knew that I shouldn’t follow the car. I wasn’t some stalker. But I just needed to talk to him.

Sinundan ko iyong sasakyan hanggang sa makarating kami sa isang condo. I parked in the guest parking dahil hindi naman ako tiga-roon. Hindi ko na rin nasundan kung nasaan sila. I figured I’d just try my luck and ask the reception… kung hindi, I’d just message the admin of Brent. I could still pull some strings given na lagi nilang ginagamit iyong pangalan ko tuwing enrollment.

Umakyat ako sa may reception.

“Hi. Good evening,” I greeted. I wore some makeup dahil ayokong matakot iyong mga tao sa akin dahil sa eyebags ko. “Can you call the unit of Mauro Eugenio—”

“What do you need?”

Agad akong napa-tingin sa likuran ko. May isang lalaki na seryosong naka-tingin sa akin. I looked up to him as he towered over me. Who the fuck was this?

“What?”

“Why are you looking for Mauro?” tanong niya.

“Sino ka ba?”

“Sino ka muna?” balik na tanong niya.

I drew a deep breath to calm myself down. Tinignan ko siyang makita. Working as a prosecutor, natuto na rin akong bumasa ng tao. It’s not always completely accurate, but my guts rarely fail me.

And for some reason, this guy in front of me wasn’t making me fear for my life.

Bago ako magsalita ay naglakad ako para maka-layo sa may reception. Alam ko na wala namang chance na may alam iyong receptionist, but these days? Who fucking knows kung sino pa ang pwede kong pagkatiwalaan?

The guy looked at me like he was weirded out sa ginawa ko. I motioned for him to follow me. Sumunod naman siya.

“Who are you? Why were you following us?” tanong niya.

Napa-kunot iyong noo ko. Paano niya nalaman ’yon? Paranoid din ba siya kagaya ko? Dahil din ba sa post na ginawa ni Mauro? Sino ba siya?

I had a lot to ask, but I knew that I should give him answers first.

“I’m Tali,” I introduced myself. “I graduated from Brent—”

“Hernaez,” he said like he knew me.

“Kilala mo ako?”

“Just familiar with your name,” sabi niya sa akin.

Tumango na lang ako. I was used to it. Hindi ko alam kung kilala niya ba ako dahil nag top ako sa exam o dahil kay Lance. Ang daming nakaka-kilala sa akin dahil kung kani-kanino ako pinapakilala ni Lance dati.

“Ano’ng kailangan mo kay Mauro?” he asked again, this time, he sounded more serious.

“I need to talk to him.”

“About what?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“Then you can’t talk to him.”

“Excuse me?” sabi ko dahil sino ba siya para magdesisyon kung sino ang pwede at hindi pwedeng kausapin ni Mauro?

“If you want to talk to him, you have to talk to me first,” he said like that was the only option—like he was some royal guard and Mauro’s the fucking king.

“No.”

“Fine by me,” sabi niya at saka mabilis na tinalikuran ako at naglakad. Agad na nagpanic iyong sistema ko at saka hinawakan iyong braso niya. Agad ko ring tinanggal iyon nang mapa-tingin siya.

“I’m sorry,” I said. I looked at him once again. “Don’t take this the wrong way but… who are you?” I asked because I had to.

Naka-tingin din siya sa akin na parang sinusukat niya kung mapagkaka-tiwalaan ba ako. We’re probably on the same boat—on the same sinking ship. Only we both didn’t know that we’re in this together… and we could save each other.

“Mauro’s boyfriend,” sabi niya imbes na sabihin sa akin iyong pangalan niya.

“Oh,” I replied. Tumango ako. “Can we talk elsewhere?” I asked dahil maraming dumadaan dito sa lobby.

We walked hanggang sa makarating kami sa parang garden area nitong condo. Gabi na kaya walang tao. Naka-upo lang kami roon at walang nagsasalita sa umpisa. I had to ask him for confirmation kung boyfriend ba talaga siya ni Mauro. I had to. Wala akong tiwala sa mga tao sa paligid ko. I saw him roll his eyes as he showed me a photo from his gallery.

“Thanks,” I replied. “I’m sorry for being paranoid.”

“What do you want to talk about with Mauro?” tanong niya.

Huminga ako nang malalim bago ko sinabi sa kanya na nabasa ko iyong news article tungkol sa sinulat niyang post online dati… I saw him tense up and like his walls got even higher. This was a sensitive topic for him, as it was for me. For some reason, I was glad… pakiramdam ko ay naka-hanap ako ng kakampi kahit papaano.

“I think… we can help each other,” I said as I looked directly in his eyes. “Please? I can’t do this alone.”

Hindi agad siya naka-sagot. I knew that I was asking for a lot… but this was a lot. This wasn’t simply just about me or him—it’s about everyone. Ang daming buhay iyong nadamay dito. Hindi ako matatahimik hanggang walang hustisyang nangyayari.

But then before answering, he stood up.

“Wait—”

“I’ll call you,” sabi niya. Napaawang iyong labi ko. “Your fight’s bigger than ours.”

I pressed my lips together. “I understand that I’m asking for a lot—”

“You are,” sabi niya. “I have to think about this.”

Wala akong nagawa kung hindi ang pumayag dahil hindi ko naman siya pwedeng pilitin… After all, I knew how dangerous this game could be—that this would never be over until someone’s in jail… or dead.

---

Habang naghihintay ako sa sagot ni Achilles ay pinagpatuloy ko iyong research ko. I just needed everything to be neatly compiled para kapag nagsimula na ang kaso ay tuluy-tuloy na. I also made several copies—both online and offline.

Saka paranoid na kung paranoid, but I asked a trusted colleague in Singapore to just release everything online kung may mangyari mang masama sa akin.

I was serious when I said that I would never let them rest—even from beyond the grave, I’d be haunting them.

But then I received a call from Achilles in the middle of a busy week.

“Sino nga iyong nagbigay sa ’yo ng files?” he asked.

“A friend,” I replied.

“Name—”

“No,” sabi ko dahil ayokong idamay si Lui dito. He already risked enough sa pagbibigay sa akin ng files na ’to.

“I think we’re past having secrets at this point,” sagot niya sa ’kin.

“Fine,” I replied. “Lui.”

“Valladares?”

“Yes. You know him?”

“Who wouldn’t?” sabi niya na para bang may laman ang sinabi niya. “He’s the one who gave you the file?”

“Yes.”

“His family—”

“Is involved,” I replied, cutting him off. “He knows.”

Hindi agad siya nakapagsalita. “Alright,” he said after a full minute of grueling silence. “Let’s do this.”

“Thank—”

“But with him,” sabi niya.

“No—”

“He’s a member of that fraternity. He knows everything.”

“He already gave me everything. Ayoko siyang madamay—”

“You’re asking me to risk Mauro’s life,” he said, cutting me off. “We both have people we want to protect.”

I bit the inside of my lips so hard that I tasted blood bago ako sumagot. “Okay.”

Achilles told me that we needed Lui on our corner. He told me that Lui knew about everything—that he’s privy to every illegal transaction that went down.

It all made sense… all the partying… the friendship… knowing everything and everyone…

He’s right in the middle of it all.

---

Agad na natigilan si Lui nang makita niya ako sa harap ng condo niya. It felt like the tables have turned—ako naman ang naghihintay sa kanya.

He looked at me. Hindi siya nagsalita. I couldn’t blame him.

“I’m violating the restraining order,” I said in some fucked up way to clear the air… somehow.

Hindi pa rin siya nagsalita.

“Lui,” I called for his name. I saw how conflicted he was—like he was torn between the love and hatred that he must be feeling for me. I knew that he loves me… but I also could understand if he hated me. After everything that’s been said and done, it was inevitable.

Yet we’re here.

Again.

In front of each other.

Na para bang hindi namin matakasan ang isa’t-isa.

“I need you.”

I stared right into his eyes.

“You said you only care about what I want, right?” I asked and I knew that it was so wrong of me to do this… because right at this moment, I knew that the man standing in front of me loves me enough to burn the whole world for me.

And I wanted this enough that I could just ask him to do exactly as that.

“I’ll drag them all—your family included,” I told him. “You and I both know that they’ll want to silence me. And if you don’t want me dead… I need you to protect me.”

I could hear the racing inside my chest.

I could feel the tightening of my chest.

“Will you do that?” I asked.

“You know I would,” he replied like it was a promise.  

**

This story is already at Chapter 56 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 49

Chapter 49

Kinailangan kong tanggalin lahat ng papel na naka-dikit sa pader ng condo ko dahil baka isipin nila Achilles at Lui na nasiraan na ako ng bait. We agreed to meet today to talk about what would happen. I suggested that we meet elsewhere, but Lui told us that we’ll meet in my unit. He said it in such a way that there was nothing that I could do but to agree.

I was fidgeting while waiting for them. Nalinis ko na iyong condo. Then I was reminded na walang pagkain dito bukod sa kape dahil kape na lang ata ang dumadaloy sa mga ugat ko. I debated on ordering food, pero naisip ko na baka matagal pa iyong dumating. There was a pizza place nearby. Doon na lang ako bibili.

I wore a black bike shorts, white shirt, and black baseball cap. Napaawang iyong labi ko nang makita ko si Lui na nasa loob ng elevator nung bumukas ’yon. He was wearing a dark blue denim jeans, white polo shirt, at saka iyong kunot sa noo niya na parang permanente ng parte ng mukha niya.

“Bibili lang ako ng pagkain,” I told him kahit wala naman siyang sinabi. The scowl on his face was enough for me to explain.

I got inside the elevator. Tumingin ako sa kanya dahil imbes na lumabas ay pinindot niya ground floor button. I guess he’s coming with me.

Tahimik lang kaming naglalakad, pero napansin ko na patingin-tingin siya sa paligid. I guess he’s as paranoid as me.

“Do you think they’ll gun us down in the middle of broad daylight?” I asked.

“Did you think they’d gun down a van full of people in broad daylight?” he asked back.

Hindi ako naka-sagot sa sinabi niya. Hanggang ngayon, may parte pa rin sa utak ko na hindi maka-paniwala na may mga tao na kayang gumawa ng ganong bagay. I knew they’d do anything to protect Arthur’s name… but to that extent?

Akala ko may limit lahat ng bagay—apparently, the limit doesn’t apply to everyone.

Hindi na ako nagsalita hanggang sa makarating kami sa pizza place. I ordered two boxes at nung babayaran ko na, napa-tingin ako kay Lui nung biglang iabot niya iyong credit card niya. Bahagyang naka-kunot ang noo ko, pero naka-tingin lang siya sa akin na para bang wala lang iyong ginawa niya.

Naglakad si Lui papunta sa isang gilid at naupo doon sa two-seater na pwesto. Naglakad din ako papunta roon at naupo sa may harapan niya. I looked at him. I was reluctant if I’d say anything because he didn’t look like he’s in the mood to talk about anything—let alone argue with me dahil lagi namang doon nauuwi ang usapan namin.

“Do you think they know na kinolekta mo lahat ng files na ’yon?” I asked to fill in the silence.

“No,” he replied. I still just looked at him. I didn’t know how to ask when he already gave me more than I could ask for. “I’ve had those files in a while.”

“For what?” I asked, unable to hold back.

“Blackmail,” he replied like it was just normal for him to do.

“Again, for what?”

He leaned back and crossed his arms as he looked directly into my eyes. “To blackmail them,” he replied. “I’m sure they have something similar against me, too.”

“Like what?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Who knows? And who cares?”

“Really? You don’t care about anything enough para ma-blackmail ka nila?”

“My family can handle themselves.”

I gave him a short nod. “Right… Your family,” sabi ko nang maalala ko na naman iyong mga nabasa ko sa file na binigay niya sa ’kin. “Is that the reason why you went to law school instead of med school?”

I did wonder about that before… na kung bakit nasa law school siya kung merong mga hospital iyong pamilya niya. I did wonder for a short time before I told myself that maybe he’s just not medically inclined. Besides, he could still help in the administrative side—or the legal side. After all, lahat naman ng business ay kailangan ng abogado.

“You won’t like my answer,” he said.

“I know,” I replied. I saw the quick disappointment cross his eyes, but I believe we’re past that already. We both knew that I could be disappointed at him amongst other things. “But still, do tell.”

“Law is far more interesting,” he told me. “When I discovered what my family does on the sidelines, it… amazed me. About how much one can get away with everything as long as you know how to twist the law in your favor,” he continued.

Nanatili lang akong naka-tingin sa kanya.

“You didn’t care?” I asked. “About how they’re using your family’s business as a front?”

“No,” he replied. “As far as I’m concerned, they all agreed.”

“Because those people don’t have a choice.”

“They were given a choice.”

“Between what? Death or lose a fucking kidney?”

“Yes,” he quickly replied like it was a simple question. “Everything is a choice, Tali. Everything in this world is transactional. I thought we already established that,” he said. “Like how I’m here in front of you—it’s because I made the choice to betray everyone I know for you.”

Biglang bumilis iyong tibok ng puso ko.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko.

But then Lui stood up at saka lumapit sa counter para kunin iyong pizza… kanina pa pala tinatawag iyong pangalan ko.

---

Pagdating namin sa harap ng unit ay nakita namin si Achilles na naka-simangot. I apologized dahil kanina pa ata siya naghihintay. He’s quite moody, that one. Nagsama pa silang dalawa ni Lui na mukhang perpetually nasa bad mood lately.

We got inside the unit. Nilagay iyong pizza sa lamesa pero mukhang walang may nasa mood na kumain.

“Lui, Achilles. Achilles, si Lui,” I introduced.

“I know him,” halos sabay nilang sabi.

Napa-tango na lang ako. Hindi na rin ako nagtaka dahil halos kilala naman lahat ni Lui—kaya rin ang dami niyang alam dahil kilala niya lahat.

“Do you want to eat first?” I asked dahil walang nagsasalita.

“I’d rather we begin discussing,” sabi ni Achilles.

Tumango ako at saka huminga nang malalim. “As I mentioned before, binigyan ako ni Lui ng files na pwede nating gamitin laban sa mga Villamontes.”

“I know,” Achilles replied. “But I’m more interested on what you have against the Cantavieja, Ferreira, Valladares, and de Marco.”

Napa-tingin ako kay Lui. He gave me a short nod like he was telling me that it’s alright to go on—that he knew what he was getting into nang ibigay niya sa akin iyong files na ’yon.

Muli akong huminga nang malalim.

“Hindi ba dapat nandito si Mauro?” tanong ko.

“I won’t involve him here until I know you have a solid plan,” sagot sa akin ni Achilles.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” I sarcastically told him, but he just gave me an equally sarcastic nod. “We all know that they are all connected, but first, we have to establish their connection with the massacre.”

“They used the private army,” Achilles said.

“Yes, but as we both know, it’s all hearsay hanggang makapag-produce tayo ng ebidensya,” sagot ko sa kanya.

Naka-tingin si Achilles kay Lui na para bang hinihintay niya ’tong magsalita. “I’m working on it,” Lui said, sounding a little pissed.

I briefly closed my eyes at saka huminga nang malalim. Akala ko sanay na akong makipagtrabaho sa mga lalaki na mataas ang ego, pero iba silang dalawa… It’s like they’re seconds away from wringing each other’s necks.

“So, back to the plan,” I said bago pa sila mag-away sa harapan ko. “We’ll start with the murder charge since mas madali i-establish ’yon—at saka mas maraming nakakaalam sa kaso na ’yon kaya mas madali siyang iakyat sa korte. Once the case of murder is solid, we can begin with the other matters.”

“What? Criminal?”

Umiling ako. “Ideally, yes, but we both know na mahirap ilaban iyong criminal,” I told him. “But we’ll hit them where it’ll hurt.”

I told Achilles that I’ll be focusing on the criminal cases while he’ll focus on the civil cases. Kasama sa binigay ni Lui na file sa amin iyong financial documents ng mga kumpanya. We can file tax evasion cases first dahil mas madaling ilaban ’yon and in that way, we can hope na ma-freeze iyong accounts nila—or at the very least, put all their movements under the microscope.

“Surely they have money stashed abroad,” sabi ni Achilles.

“I know, but we’ll worry about that later,” I told him. Hindi namin kayang magmilagro. Apat lang kami kumpara sa lahat ng abogado at hitman na meron lahat ng balak naming kalabanin.

“How will we do this?” he asked. “Hindi na tayo prosecutor.”

I gave him a short nod. “I’ll work on that,” I told him.

Mukhang nahimasmasan naman na si Julia dahil siya mismo ang nag-urong ng kaso laban kay Assia. I’d ask her to assign me as private prosecutor. Kung hindi siya pumayag ay saka ko na iisipin ’yon. First, we have to build a very strong case dahil kapag nagsimula na ’to ay wala ng atrasan.

“We have to move quietly,” sabi ko sa kanya. “We have to preserve the element of surprise for as long as we could.”

Tumango si Achilles. We discussed some more. Ang daming tanong ni Achilles. He’s serious na hindi niya sasabihin kay Mauro hanggang hindi plantsado lahat. Kung hindi lang siya sobrang seryoso, magbibiro ako na hinihingan niya na ako ng class syllabus dahil sa dami ng tanong niya.

Tahimik lang si Lui hanggang maka-alis si Achilles. Ni hindi nagalaw kahit isang slice ng pizza. Kumuha ako ng isang slice non at saka inabot ko kay Lui. Bahagyang kumunot ang noo niya.

“Sayang naman,” sabi ko sa kanya.

“I’m not hungry.”

“Still, eat,” I told him.

He got the slice from my hand, pero hindi niya ginalaw ’yon. Napa-tingin na naman ako sa kanya, but he looked like he’s in deep in his mind.

“Are you having second thoughts?” I had to ask dahil siguro habang pinag-uusapan namin kanina, napagtanto niya na maraming tao ang madadamay—pamilya at mga kaibigan niya.

“No,” he replied. “I was just thinking.”

Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya habang hinihintay ang susunod na mga sasabihin niya.

“On how I could get everyone,” he continued.

“Everyone?”

He looked at me like he was already mourning me… funny because that’s probably how I look at him, too.

“Yes, because they won’t stop until everyone’s gone,” he said and as faint as it was, I heard the fear in his voice.

The way he was looking at me was making it hard to breathe. I had to look away at saka inabot iyong baso ng tubig. Ang dami kong gustong tanungin, pero hindi ’to iyong tamang oras. O baka walang tamang oras. Laging mali iyong timing naming dalawa.

“Everyone, huh? Even your friends?” I asked.

“I turned my back on my family for you… Do you honestly think I’ll draw the line for my friends?” he asked back as his eyes drowned all the doubts in my mind. 

**

This story is already at Chapter 57 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 50

Chapter 50

I was in the middle organizing the evidence that we’ll be using for the massacre case. It’s slowly coming all together… pero parang may kulang pa rin. Lui told me that he’s working on something. I badly wanted to ask him kung ano ang ginagawa niya, but I just told myself that he’ll tell me himself kapag tapos na siya. I just couldn’t bring myself to demand more from him gayong alam ko na kung gaano kadami ang ginagawa niya para sa kaso na ’to.

I wanted to tell myself that he’s doing this because this is the right thing to do… but then I’d be lying to myself.

He’s doing this for me—he didn’t give a damn about those people nor justice.

And it’s been weighing on me… na kapag may nangyari sa kanya, dahil ’to sa akin. I couldn’t even tell myself that if he dies, he died doing something right…

Because for him, it’s all about me.

I quickly told myself to stop bago pa kung saan mapunta iyong iniisip ko. Lui told me that he’s being careful with gathering information. Wala pa namang nakaka-alam sa ginagawa namin—at most ay sina Vito lang, but I highly doubt that they’d tell anyone else about this. Kung may mas gusto mang maka-bawi sa mga Villamontes kaysa sa akin, si Vito ’yon.

“What?” I asked nung tumawag sa akin si Achilles. Hindi naman siya tumatawag lang randomly kaya alam ko na importante iyong sasabihin niya sa akin.

“I heard they’re consulting with all top law firms,” he mentioned.

“That’s expected,” I replied.

I already knew that they have almost all the top firms in their pocket. Heck, kahit iyong dalawang pinanggalingan ko dati, may kapit sila—to think na galing ako both from private and public employment. Their claws dig deep. Kahit ngayon, hindi ko pa rin alam kung sino ang pwede kong pagka-tiwalaan kaya kaunti lang ang pwede kong kausapin tungkol dito.

“May balita ka ba kung sino ang gagamitin nila kapag nagfile na tayo ng kaso?” tanong niya.

“No idea,” I replied.

“Ask Lui.”

“He’ll tell me kapag alam niya.”

“What’s he up to?” Achille asked. I didn’t like his tone. I really try to understand where he’s coming from. Of course, after everything that’s happened to Mauro, magiging protective siya sa kanya… but damn, sometimes, he acts like kahit kaming dalawa ni Lui ay kaaway niya. His walls were dangerously up there—like no one can climb them.

“Again, he’ll tell us when he tells us,” I replied as calmly as possible… but who the hell was I kidding? Patience was never my forte—kaya nga napapa-resign ako sa mga trabaho ko kapag hindi ko na mapagpasensyahan iyong mga ka-trabaho ko.

“Look,” I began. “Lui’s doing everything he can. You have to understand that he can’t just waltz in their functions and demand those demons to turn over files that will incriminate them. We both worked for the prosecution—we know how this goes.”

Hindi agad siya nagsalita.

“I understand,” sagot niya.

“Good,” I replied. “How’s the case?”

We discussed for a while iyong kaso na hina-handa niya. We previously agreed na sa tax evasion cases siya magfo-focus. Mauro’s working for the Congress and helping him gather information na magagamit namin. They’re making huge progress na mukhang malapit na ring ma-file iyong kaso kaya lang ay napagkasunduan namin na mas maganda na sabay namin ’tong gawin.

I didn’t think I’d hear from Lui for the next few days until I saw him outside my door. I didn’t know what I expected, but it felt a bit weird to see him so… normal?

He got inside my unit. Agad siyang naupo sa may couch. He laid his back against it and closed his eyes. Para bang pagod na pagod siya, pero ngayon lang siya nagkaroon ng pagkakataon na magpahinga.

I stood there for a few seconds, wondering kung ano ang pwede kong sabihin o kung papanoorin ko lang ba siyang umidlip.

“Sabi ni Achilles, nagco-consult daw sila sa lahat ng firm,” I said after a few minutes that he wasn’t moving at all. It’s either he’s in deep thoughts o gusto niya lang talagang matulog.

“That’s expected,” he replied.

Bahagyang napa-kunot ang noo ko dahil parehong-pareho iyong sagot namin nang sinabi sa akin ni Achilles iyon kanina.

“Do you know kung sino ang gagamitin nila kapag nagfile?” I asked.

Lui opened his eyes. Naupo siya nang maayos at saka tumingin sa ’kin. “With the tax cases, they’ll probably use Lance,” sabi niya.

“Lance?”

He nodded. “He’s an ass, but he’s a good lawyer,” he replied. He’s right… Lance may be all things, but he’s a very good and cunning lawyer. Pero may tiwala din ako kay Achilles. He won’t go down without a fight—lalo na at damay din si Mauro sa lahat ng ’to.

“Sa criminal?”

“Iñigo,” he replied.

Bahagyang kumunot ang noo ko. “Si Iñigo?” I asked.

I knew of Iñigo, but I didn’t really know him. I mean, sino ba ang hindi makaka-kilala sa kanya after what he did sa kaso ng Ramirez? He got everything to win the case, but still decided to recommend for the dismissal—much to the detriment of his career.

“Why him?” I asked because I had to.

He’s a good lawyer, no doubt, but I didn’t think he’d accept the case given what I know about him. I mean, he basically nuked his own career to do the right thing. Why the hell would he represent the Villamontes? It just didn’t make any fucking sense.

“Also, na-retain sila?”

Lui nodded. “Yes.”

“What? Seriously?” I asked because if it were me, I’d rather stab myself kaysa pumayag na i-retain ’yung pamilya ng Villamontes.

Lui shrugged. “It’s just good business,” Lui replied like it was the most logical thing to do. “They know that Villamontes retains a lot of firm. They barely do anything for them.”

“Bakit sa tingin mo sila ang gagamitin sa criminal case?” I asked.

Fine. It’s good business. Money is still money, I guess. But if they really retained almost all of the good firms in the country, bakit si Iñigo ang gagamitin nila?

“Have you seen Iñigo in court?” he asked like that has to mean something. “He’s smart and also having cases thrown out on a technicality is his forte. Once we submit the evidence, they’ll know that we have a strong case—they’ll focus on getting us on the technicality. It just makes sense.”

“How do you know all this?” I asked because he’s talking like he came from the future at alam niya na kung ano ang mga gagawin nila at kung ano ang mangyayari.

“Because,” he replied. “The only way to beat them is to think like them.”

I pursed my lips.

“I don’t think you really grasp what’s happening, Tali,” he said. “These people are evil. Unlike you, they are no lines that they won’t cross, no witness that they’d hesitate to silence. The only way we have a chance to win this is to act like them.”

“What are you suggesting? Na gumawa din tayo ng illegal?”

Lui stood up. He took a step that made my heart skip a beat. I held on to my breath.

“No,” he replied. “You win the battle in court—I’ll win the war outside.”

My lips parted because to my ears, that sounded like a dying declaration. “Lui—”

“May naka-usap na ako na willing tumestigo para sa massacre,” he said, changing the topic.

I forced myself to focus on that. “Nasan siya?”

“Some undisclosed place,” he replied.

“Seriously? Sa akin mo pa hindi sasabihin?”

“He’s safe,” he said.

“Paano mo siya napapayag?”

“I’d rather not tell you,” he said.

“What do you mean?”

He walked past me. “Let’s not lie to each other and pretend that everything I’m doing is legal,” he said as he opened my fridge and got himself a glass of water. “I convinced him to testify after informing him that I, too, know where his daughter studies.”

Napaawang iyong labi ko.

“See? That look on your face,” sabi ni Lui pagkatapos niyang ibaba iyong baso sa may kitchen island. “Do you think I can convince anyone by asking nice?”

“But… will you really… do that?”

“No,” he replied like he’s pissed I even had to ask. He stared right into my eyes. Once again, he made me hold my breath. “But push comes to shove? I don’t know what I’m capable of doing.”

I answered him with silence from my end.

“Tali,” he called.

“What?”

“I’ll do my part, but please don’t ask me kung paano ko ginagawa,” he replied. Tahimik lang akong naka-tingin sa kanya. “Because I’ve always hated that disappointed look on your face.”

And I hated that that was the last thing he said to me bago siya umalis sa condo ko. I hated that I wasn’t given the chance to tell him that yes, I was disappointed, but even then, my thoughts of him were complex at best.

Still, I was trying to rationalize who he actually is and what I wanted him to be in my mind—it is a continuous battle.

---

I was counting the days when we could finally file the goddamned case. Umiinit ang ulo ko tuwing nakikita ko iyong mga mukha nila sa TV. I hated that for them, life goes on… I hated how everything in their life was just normal. It’s unfair.

Pareho kami ni Mauro na gusto ng simulan iyong lahat. If not for Achilles and Lui, baka na-file na namin ’tong lecheng kaso na ’to.

“We’re done building the case,” sabi ko kay Lui nang muling magkita kami. “We need to formally file the complaint.”

He nodded. “Yes, but first things first,” he replied. Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya at hinihintay kung ano ang sasabihin niya. “These are non-negotiable.”

Napa-kunot ang noo ko nang abutan niya ako ng relo.

“Wear this at all time,” he said.

“Ano ’to?”

“It has a tracking device,” he replied. I was about to reply, when he quickly cut me off. “As I have said, non-negotiable,” he continued. I pressed my lips together. “I’ll get you a security team. You’ll have security round the clock. You won’t piss me off by evading security or doing anything stupid.”

My jaw clenched.

“You’re smart, but sometimes, god, do you piss me off by being so reckless,” sabi niya sa akin. “You’re not to trust anyone but me.”

“Kahit sila Achilles?”

“Just me,” he replied as he stared into my eyes. “Just focus on the case. Let me worry about what’s happening outside. Don’t do anything outside the lines of the law.”

“What—”

“No questions,” sabi niya. “I’ll tell you what you need to know. Kapag hindi ko sinabi sa ’yo, trust me that it’s for the best.”

I vehemently shook my head. “No. If you go down, we go down together.”

I saw his jaw clench. “Didn’t I just tell you not to do anything stupid?”

I stared at him with equal intensity. “And you’re insane if you actually think that I’ll sit back and let you take the fall,” I told him. “I hate that I even have to say this, but don’t do anything stupid like dying.”

He remained silent.

“I need to hear you say it,” sabi ko sa kanya.

“What? That I won’t die?”

“Yes.”

“I’m not suicidal, Italia. If I die, trust that it’s against my will,” sabi niya sa akin. “But don’t do anything stupid like seek justice on my behalf.”

This conversation was making my head spin.

“We’ll file the case next week,” he said, changing the topic once again, but he wasn’t successful. My mind was still dwelling on what has been said. “Alongside that, there will be a media smear campaign.”

“About?”

“Villamontes,” sagot niya. “Paid a couple of vloggers to make noise.”

Lui told me that the court of public opinion matters, too—if not more. Nagbayad siya ng ilang mga sikat na personality online para i-discuss iyong nangyari sa massacre at iyong mga sexual harassment na kaso niya dati. He said that the more noise online, mas mahihirapan iyong mga kasama sa payroll ng mga Villamontes na hindi pansinin iyong kaso.

“Is this really necessary?” tanong ko dahil iniisip ko na baka madamay iyong mga vlogger na wala namang kinalaman dito at binayaran lang ni Lui.

“Yes,” Lui replied. “I heard that they’ll try to get Judge Hermosa. We’ll release some information about him and then you’ll file a motion to have him recuse himself from the case.”

What the hell?

Ito ba lahat ng ginawa niya nung hindi ko siya nakikita?

“Paano kapag may ibang judge?”

“I got a pocket full of videos,” sagot ni Lui. “Once they get the hint, kukuha din sila ng Judge na hindi affiliated. I doubt any judge will risk ruining his reputation.”

My lips were parted.

“And once we’re on equal footing, that’s when the game will finally begin.”

**

This story is already at Chapter 58 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 51

Chapter 51

I received a call from Vito asking me kung may kinalaman ba ako sa pagkalat ng balita tungkol kay Arthur Villamontes. True to Lui’s words, maraming tiktok videos ang biglang nagsulputan. Most of them were true… the others were exaggerations. I told Lui that we should be as truthful as possible; he said that he didn’t instruct them to do that, but that maybe that’s for the better. After all, who doesn’t love shock value?

“Is Assia okay?” tanong ko sa kanya. As much as I didn’t want her to be involved, she’s right in the middle of it, too. Kung hindi rin naman dahil sa kanya ay hindi iingay nang ganito iyong kaso. It was even because of the major stunt that Vito pulled kaya maraming naka-alam sa kaso na ’to.

“Not really, but she’ll be fine,” he replied. “Just… take care, okay?”

“I will.”

“Lui, too.”

“Tell him yourself.”

“Can’t get ahold of him,” sagot ni Vito. I bit my tongue because I knew I shouldn’t tell him. Sa mga documents na nabasa ko, alam ko na madadamay at madadamay si Sancho. Alam ko na kaibigan ni Vito si Lui, pero alam ko na mas close siya kay Sancho. I just didn’t want to put him in the middle of it.

But they’ve been friends for a long time now… surely alam ni Vito iyong tungkol sa pamilya ni Sancho. He shouldn’t blame Lui and I kung siya naman talaga ang nagsimula nito.

After my brief conversation with Vito, mabilis akong nag-ayos. I would be formally filing the case today. Fina-fucking-ly. Parang isang dekada ang hinintay ko para lang magawa ’to.

Lui and I debated kung kailan i-fa-file iyong kaso. I told him na mas maunang i-file kaysa sa online smear campaign niya. But even before I could defend my stance, he reminded me of all the times I was silenced. He told me that it’s better for the general public to hear about the case first and make a noise about it. Kapag maingay na, at saka ako sumama sa ingay. Hindi kagaya noon na ako lang ang nag-iingay kaya mabilis akong mapa-tahimik.

Sometimes… his mind scares me.

What I’d give to open his brain and see what’s going on in there.

It felt like forever since I wore something formal. I wore my black checkered pantsuit and paired it with my cream colored French pointed heels. I straightened my hair and applied light makeup assigned from my red lips. And of course iyong binigay sa akin na relo ni Lui.

Life’s been stressful lately, but it didn’t mean that I have to look stressed.

Paglabas ko pa lang sa unit ko ay nakita ko na agad iyong security team na kinuha ni Lui para sa akin. I heard they’re ex-special forces. Kung paano sila nakilala ni Lui? I didn’t even want to know. I just gave them a brief nod. I didn’t like people following me, but I also didn’t want to give Lui additional headache. Least I could do for him was cooperate.

The ride was awfully quiet. I turned on the radio at pumunta sa AM station. Tama nga talaga si Lui. Pinag-uusapan doon iyong kumakalat na balita tungkol kay Villamontes. There was a speculation tungkol sa mga kasabwat doon. I mean, they were right. If they had the guts to gun down a vehicle full of people, you’d wonder kung saan sila naka-kuha ng lakas ng loob… kung sino ang back-up nila sa gobyerno na ’to.

They’d be surprised… or even frightened kung makikita nila kung sinu-sino ang kasama dito.

“Thank you,” sabi ko nung salubungin ako ni Julia.

This was a murder case. Public prosecutor should be the one trying this. I thought I had to persuade her to recommend having a private prosecutor. I was so surprised nung ni hindi ko na siya kailanganing pilitin pa.

“It wasn’t really much of a choice,” sagot niya sa akin. I slightly arched my brow. “They know it’ll be a big mess. They want their hands to remain clean.”

I gave a slight scoff. “Why am I not even surprised?” sagot ko.

Sa mga ganito talaga, wala kang kaibigan. Tama na naman si Lui—everything’s transactional. Parang dati lang ay iyong boss ko pa ang nagtatakip kay Villamontes… tapos ngayon ay binigay niya na lang sa akin iyong kaso dahil ayaw niyang madamay.

“Good luck, Tali,” sabi niya sa akin. “Really. Good luck.”

“You’re not secretly praying for my downfall?” I asked, half-kidding, half-serious.

Umiling siya. “No,” sagot niya sa akin. “I know I made a lot of questionable decisions before… but I read the complaints again. I was wrong. I can’t believe Arthur managed to convince me that they were all liars.”

I just gave Julia a small nod. What should I even tell her? That she did a good job? She’s a prosecutor. It’s her job to prosecutor the ones who violate the law. She let Arthur take advantage of the fact that they’re friends. It’s not a simple lapse of judgment dahil kahit nung patay na patay pa ako kay Lui, alam ko kapag may mali siya. I’d love him and at the same time call him out.

I could never just love blindly.

Sabay kaming pumasok ni Julia sa loob. She told me that she held off and delayed the case as long as she possibly could. Hindi rin niya alam na involved si Lui dito. I mean, alam naman ata ng lahat na may galit ako sa mga Villamontes. For all I care, they see me as a woman with personal vendetta. They’re right. This was personal to me.

There was nothing grand that happened. We merely filed the motion para maging private prosecutor ako sa kaso. Paglabas namin, walang mga reporter na sumalubong. I knew that this was just the calm before the storm… but how badly I wanted the storm to come already. I wanted to stand in the middle of it.

“I guess the rumors are true,” sabi ko nang maka-salubong ko si Iñigo. He was looking at me like he’d rather be anywhere in the world. I understood the feeling… but at the same time, kagaya ng laging sinasabi ni Lui, may choice tayong lahat.

“Hi,” he said instead. “I heard a lot about you.”

“Likewise,” I replied.

It was… weird. Back in law school, of course I heard about him. Maliit lang naman ang mundo namin. I knew that one way or another, magkikita at magkikita rin kami ng mga naka-sama o naka-inuman ko dati sa mga party. Pero nakaka-tawa lang talaga na dito pa kami magkikita. To think na alam ko na kaibigan niya rin sina Vito.

I didn’t know what Iñigo and I were doing. He wasn’t saying a word, but I felt like I almost heard an apology come from his lips.

“This is just work,” he said like he was trying to justify himself and his choices.

“Sure is,” I replied.

He knew.

I knew.

We both knew.

“We know you’re behind the smear campaign,” sabi niya.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Sure,” sagot niya. “But a cyber libel case will be filed.”

“Come on now. It’s only cyber libel if it’s false.”

I was looking at him. Every expression on his face was controlled. Iyon siguro ang pinagkaiba naming dalawa. He’s so controlled habang kitang-kita sa mukha ko lahat ng nararamdaman ko.

“Here I thought you’re smart,” sabi niya habang naka-tingin sa akin at bahagyang naka-ngiti. “No criminal case was ever filed against Villamontes. And he’s already dead—cannot be tried in the court of law. Anything from hereon is just speculation. You perfectly know that we can file cyber libel against each and every one of those vloggers. I’ll bet that at least one of those will tell us kung sino ang may pakana ng lahat.”

I didn’t know if Lui’s arrogance finally rubbed off on me. I just… trust him. I knew that there’s no way that could be traced back to us.

“I honestly expected a lot from you,” sagot ko sa kanya. “And you’ll actually do me a favor by putting the spotlight in this case.”

I saw him adjusting his stance. For a second, he seemed uncomfortable.

“Look, Tali,” he said. “Can I call you Tali?”

I shrugged. “Sure,” sagot ko. We’re basically friends, anyways. He’s a friend of a friend of a friend. This fucking little world that I live in.

“I’ve been here before. I do not enjoy doing this. Like before, I will just do my best… and hope that you’ll actually do better than me.”

Hindi ako nagsalita. Alam ko naman iyong sinasabi niya, but at the same time, my mind couldn’t comprehend.

“They know what you’re trying to do. They’ll involve the Supreme Court since you’re trying to question their integrity. They know you’re pushing for his name to be removed from the roll.”

Nanatali akong tahimik. What? Did he expect me to confess to the crimes I am committing? If any, I was doing the world a favor by having his name stricken off the roll of attorneys. Mabawasan man lang ng kahit isa iyong mga kriminal doon.

“What you’re doing is admirable, but it is incredibly stupid—”

“Your sentiment is appreciated, but can we stick to the case?” sagot ko sa kanya.

“You can be suspended if you push for this,” he said, stubbornly insisting to remain on the topic. “All I’m saying is choose your battle, Tali. This isn’t worth being suspended.”

I bit my tongue.

What the heck did he know about what’s worthy for me?

“Focus on the criminal case.”

“I will,” sagot ko.

Then there was a stretch of silence.

Iñigo was looking at me like he was trying to communicate something with his eyes. Naka-tingin ako sa kanya at naghihintay sa susunod niyang sasabihin. Seconds passed by painfully slow. He said nothing. He began walking but as soon as our paths crossed, I clearly heard him say, “They know where you’re hiding the witness.”

Agad na bumilis iyong tibok ng puso ko. Gusto kong kunin iyong cellphone ko para tawagan si Lui, pero halos hindi ko magawa iyon dahil sa panginginig ng mga kamay ko.

Each second that passed without him answering my call felt like a stab in my chest.

I was almost tempted to use the stairs dahil sa tagal ng pagdating ng elevator. Hindi pa rin sumasagot si Lui. What the hell could he be doing para hindi siya sumagot sa tawag ko?!

I knocked like I was attempting to break down the door. Nang buksan niya iyon ay mabilis akong pumasok. I pushed him by his chest.

“Why didn’t you answer my call?!” sigaw ko sa kanya at saka ko lang napansin na mukhang galing siya sa pagligo dahil tanging twalya lang iyong nasa bewang niya.

Instead of answering, he looked behind me like he was signaling them that they could leave dahil nandito naman ako sa condo niya.

“I was in the shower,” he told me as soon as I heard the door behind me close. “Why are you here? Tapos ka ng magfile?” he asked.

My heart was still beating quickly inside my chest. I looked at him again. He’s here. He’s alive.

Lui handed me a glass of water like he knew that I was having a hard time breathing. He looked at me and waited until I was calm. And then I averted my gaze.

“Put on some clothes,” I told him.

“Nothing you haven’t seen before, but sure,” he replied as he walked towards his room. Tahimik akong naka-tayo doon habang hawak pa rin iyong baso ng tubig. I was holding it like I was holding on for dear life.

After a few minutes, Lui emerged from his room fully clothed. He ran his fingers through his damp hair. Even from a distance, I could smell his cologne.

“What happened?” he asked.

Sinabi ko sa kanya iyong nangyari kanina. He had no reaction on his face—almost like he already knew everything that happened and everything that’s bound to happen.

“Do you think Iñigo’s telling the truth?” tanong ko sa kanya.

“Maybe,” sagot niya sa akin. “Or he’s bluffing. Who fucking knows?”

I looked at him, perplexed at his reaction after I just told him that they know kung nasaan iyong witness namin—iyong nag-iisang witness namin na kasama sa mga bumaril sa van.

“What? He’s fine,” he said like he’s certain that everything’s fine. “You will have your witness.”

I stared at him once again.

I had no words.

Slowly, fear was creeping in my system.

That this… fight. This was bigger than me. That Lui’s right—I had lines I do not cross as compared to them who treat life like it’s replaceable. Ano’ng laban ko sa mga ganong klaseng tao?

“We prepared for this—discographies, witnesses, arguments, and all,” he said like he saw the chaos that was my mind and he was trying to put out the fire. “The fact that they’re trying to threaten means they’re on the losing side. You don’t threaten when you know you’re winning,” he continued.

I tried to even my breathing but even that was hard.

“Lui,” I called. He looked at me. For a second, there was softness in his eyes. “I feel like I’m way in over my head.”

He took a step forward.

I held my breath like I always do when he’s around.

“You are,” he replied. “But you’ll win—this much I can promise you.”

**

This story is already at Chapter 59 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 52

Chapter 52

I knew this would happen, but it still surprised me when I was called to the judge’s chamber. I submitted the amended complaint. I named all the names that I wanted to name—I didn’t hold back. Not one fucking bit. I knew that this would be dangerous. I knew that if any, I had one chance to do everything, so had to do it correctly.

“Good afternoon,” bati ko sa kanya.

He didn’t even give me a look. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang ineexpect ko—na sasabihin niya rin ba na magbackoff ako? But then again, Lui already saw this coming. Kung sinuman ang nabili nilang judge, we’d get rid of him. Not literally, of course. Hindi pa naman ako nasisiraan ng ulo.

“I have read the amended complaint,” panimula niya. Nanatili akong naka-tayo roon. I was already prepared to hear him tell me to back-off… o kaya ay bawasan iyong mga pangalan na naka-lagay doon. I mean, it wouldn’t be the first time.

“Are you prepared for this?” Bahagya akong natigilan. Naramdaman niya ata iyong pagka-bigla ko kaya naman tumingin siya sa akin. Tinanggal niya iyong reading glass niya at saka inilagay ’yon sa lamesa. “I asked you a question, Atty. Hernaez.”

Agad na umayos ako ng tayo. “Yes, Your Honor,” sagot ko. “I am prepared.”

Binigyan niya ako ng maliit na tango. “Very well.” Bahagyang napaawang iyong labi ko. Agad niyang napansin. “What? Did you expect something else from me?”

I debated between lying and being honest… and I decided on the latter. “Yes, Your Honor,” seryoso kong sagot. “If you did, honestly, it wouldn’t be the first time.”

“I know,” simpleng sagot niya. Hindi ako nakapagsalita ulit. Ano naman ang sasabihin ko? Itatanong ko kung magiging patas ba siya? “Do your best. I will decide based on the letter and spirit of the law,” sabi niya na para bang nabasa niya kung ano ang nasa isip ko. “This case will attract the interest of a lot of people—both with pure curiosity and those who have vested interest. Make it so that when I make my decision, no one can question it.”

I felt a lump on my throat. I felt my chest tightening a bit. Alam ko naman na hindi lahat ng judge ay corrupt… pero iba pa rin pala kapag naka-kita ka ng judge na magbibigay ng pag-asa sa ’yo na hindi pa huli ang lahat.

Nagpasalamat ako kay Judge Genero bago ako lumabas sa may chamber niya. Nagka-salubong kami ni Iñigo. I gave him a small nod. I knew that this was just work and I will do my best to not take things personally. I appreciated the head’s up he gave me.

Dumiretso ako pauwi sa condo. I just had to re-check my files para sa arraignment at preliminary hearing bukas. I’d read these files over and over again na para bang kabisado ko na lahat ng naka-lagay dito. I felt like throwing up. Gusto kong magrelax, pero hindi ko magawa. I felt like I had to prepare over and over again.

But I also knew that I needed to calm down—I couldn’t let my nerves get the best of me. Dahil kahit gaano pa ako ka-handa, kapag kinabahan ako, possible na magkamali ako… And to think na si Iñigo pa iyong nasa opposing counsel. I knew that if I let him get a foot in the door, he’d bust it wide open—I knew because that’s what I’d do, as well.

Gusto kong tawagan si Tito, but I decided against it. I knew that as much as he believes in justice, mas mahal niya ako bilang pamangkin niya. He’d just tell me again na hindi naman kailangan ako ang gumawa nito—na bakit ba ako ang gumagawa nito?

“Do you need anything?” Lui asked nang sagutin niya iyong tawag ko. He immediately picked up. Simula nung bahagyang nagalit ako sa kaya dahil hindi niya agad nasagot ang tawag ko dahil naliligo siya, mabilis na siyang sumagot ngayon.

“No,” sagot ko. “Everything’s in order.”

Hindi agad siya nagsalita. He probably wanted to ask me kung bakit ako tumawag kung wala naman pala akong kailangan. I didn’t want to tell him that I just wanted to hear his voice… because somehow, after him always assuring me that everything will be fine, my brain had associated him to… calm.

Kahit siya naman ang numero unong gumugulo sa utak ko talaga dati.

“Sasama ka ba bukas?” tanong ko sa kanya.

“Yes.”

“Hindi ba sila magagalit sa ’yo?”

I knew that he’s still playing both sides. I was worried for him, but I knew that he knew what he was doing. I just needed to trust him.

“They know we’re together,” he said. “It’s not like it’s a secret.”

I wanted to ask him why after all these years, hindi pa rin niya sinasabi sa kanila na matagal na kaming tapos. Even some of the people I knew na hindi ko naman ka-close ay iniisip na kami pa rin—because Lui wouldn’t delete my photo in his Instagram account. It was the only photo he posted. Of course people would think we’re still together.

“Dahil ba… meron pa rin sa frat niyo na may balak sa akin?” I asked. I just wanted an answer.

“Yes,” he said. “A lot of people are waiting to take you down a notch.”

I pressed my lips together. It wasn’t a surprise. After all, law is still a male-dominated field. Alam ko na maraming abogado ang inis sa akin. Swerte nila na wala akong pakielam.

“Tomorrow,” panimula niya. I tuned in to every word. “Don’t get out of my sight.”

“It’s just arraignment,” sabi ko.

“Yes.”

“Hindi naman madidismiss, ’di ba?”

“Hindi,” sagot niya. “You saw the files.”

“I know,” I said. “Then the bail…”

“You’ll request for remand.”

“I definitely will,” sabi ko sa kanya. “But what if they’ll use the same tactics as the others? Gamitin na naman nila iyong old age?” I asked him. I already knew what I’d be doing tomorrow. Of course I knew what I’ll be doing. I imagined this procedure like it was second to breathing.

But I wanted to hear his thoughts—because his take on things fascinated me. We’re on the opposite ends of the spectrum.

“Are you just making small talk?” tanong niya. “Because this is just bail. Alam ko na alam mo na iyong gagawin.”

Mabuti na lang at naka-call lang kami. I would have hated for him to see the look on my face when he pointed out what I was doing.

“Never mind,” I said to try to salvage what was left of my pride. “I just want to cover all bases dahil si Iñigo iyong opposing counsel.”

I wanted to ask Lui kung may hawak ba iyong mga Villamontes kay Iñigo, but decided against it. As Iñigo said, this wasn’t his first rodeo. Alam niya naman siguro ang ginagawa niya.

“I’ll be there with you tomorrow,” he said like he was trying to pacify me. As if he could feel the worry I was feeling.

“Alam ko.”

“Just do your best,” sabi niya. “Whatever you lack, I’ll provide.”

And somehow, his words felt like magic that calmed me down.

---

Contrary to when I first formally got involved in the case, ngayon ay marami ng media sa labas ng court house. I didn’t know for sure kung dahil ba public records naman lahat ’to o may kinalaman ba si Lui… either way, this was better. Tama nga si Judge na basta gawin ko lang lahat. Iyong tipong hindi maku-kwestyon ang magiging desisyon niya. Maraming mata ang naka-tingin.

“Ready?” Lui asked. Naka-park kami. Dito pa lang ay rinig na rinig ko na iyong boses ng mga reporters.

“As ready as I could be,” I replied.

Papa-labas na sana kami nang may biglang huminto na sasakyan. I didn’t know if it was deliberate… o kung nagkataon lang talaga. If it were the former, ang kapal naman ng mukha nila. Talagang iyong kaparehong van pa ang ginamit nila.

It was as if Lui felt the anger that was brewing inside my chest. Napa-tingin ako nang bigla niyang hawakan iyong kamay ko. He didn’t let go of my hand kahit naka-tingin na ako sa kanya.

“We already saw this coming,” he said.

“We did?”

He nodded and then looked outside and motioned me para tumingin din doon. Napaawang iyong labi ko. Of course… bakit ba ako nagulat pa? Of course naka-wheelchair Reynaldo Villamontes.

“Nakita mo siya last week. Tama ba?” tanong ko kay Lui. Tumango siya habang pinapa-nood namin na alalayan siya ng mga nurse at mga bodyguards niya.

God, I could already see some people eating this up… Kesyo matanda na… Bakit? Kapag matanda ba, hindi na dapat accountable?

“This is just theatrics,” sabi ni Lui. “Makikita mo na naka-neck braces na rin sila kapag nagsimula na si Achilles sa ibang mga kaso.”

I looked at Lui. My lips were pressed together. Did he just try to crack a joke?

“Let’s go,” sabi ni Lui. Napa-tingin din ako sa labas nang sabihin niya ’yon. Lumabas si Iñigo sa sasakyan. He was only carrying a brief case. Mas nakaka-kaba kapag walang masyadong dala iyong kalaban mo.

Sabay kaming bumaba ni Lui. You’d think na kami iyong may ginawang kasalanan dahil may security din kami. Diretso kaming naglakad. Villamontes was giving an interview. It’s fine. Whatever he says publicly can be used against him, anyway. I was sure that Iñigo advised against it. I was sure that Villamontes thought it was harmless anyway—or that he’s untouchable either way.

“This is clearly a harassment against my family,” rinig kong sabi niya nang maka-lapit kami. “We are still mourning the loss of our grandson, but our family will not let this slide. We will not let anyone besmirch the legacy of our family.”

I was quietly watching them nang mapa-tingin siya sa gawi ko. I didn’t give him any reaction. Tama naman si Lui—this was just theatrics. I would not give him any satisfaction of getting me riled up.

“Atty. Hernaez!” sabi ng isang reporter na naka-pansin na nanonood din kami. “Any comment sa statement?”

“No comment,” I simply said. “It’s an ongoing case.”

I tried to look as professional as possible. I even wore dark neutral colors. I knew that although this is a legal matter, public perception also matters. If I dress the way I usually do, some people won’t take me seriously. I needed to look tough—at least during the duration of this case.

Nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad. Napa-tigil ako nang may biglang humawak sa braso ko. Pagtingin ko roon ay agad ng nawala iyong kamay sa braso ko dahil natanggal na agad iyon ni Lui. I looked at him with my forehead creased. I thought no making public splash?

“Mayroon ba talagang kinalaman ang pamilya Villamontes sa nangyaring massacre?” tanong sa akin nung reporter.

I normally wouldn’t answer, but since Lui already grabbed him, I did. “I will let the evidence speak for itself,” sagot ko bago tuluyang naglakad na papasok sa may court.

Naupo ako sa pwesto ko. Nasa likuran si Lui. I briefly closed my eyes and drew deep breaths. I shut down all the noises temporarily hanggang sa dumating na si Judge.

We all stood up and followed procedure. The clerk stood up, and read the amended complaint. “On November 23, a vehicle, carrying Patricia Santiago, star witness in the case of People v dela Serna,” panimula. We all stood in silence habang isa-isang binabasa iyong pangalan ng iba pang naka-sakay sa sasakyan na ’yon. I could vividly remember the feeling…

Iyong panlalamig ng buong pagkatao ko.

Iyong pag-iisip ko na may kinalaman si Lui—na sinadya niya na hindi agad ako maka-punta roon dahil alam niya lahat ng mangyayari.

I hated that it could be his dying declaration, pero hindi pa rin siguro ako maniniwala na wala siyang kinalaman doon… na kahit kaunti, wala siyang alam.

He must’ve known…

“At around 10AM, the convoy of vehicle was stopped at a checkpoint along the road in Bgry. Sulok, Antipolo. The checkpoint was secured by people who introduced themselves as part of the military. While the inspection was ongoing, a group of heavily armed men, allegedly part of the private military of the Cantavieja family, swooped in and ordered all the passengers of the vehicles to step out and lie on the ground. Their personal belongings were taken from them including their mobile phones, cameras, and wallet.

The group was driven to a remote area in the same municipality. Minutes later, gunfire was reported in the same municipality. At around 4PM, military and police were deployed to the area, but nothing was found. Three weeks later, after an anonymous tip, the crime scene was identified. The police was able to recover the mutilated bodies of the 20 missing corpses bearing multiple gunshot wounds. The bodies were later identified as the missing passengers of the missing convoy.“

Naka-tingin lang ako sa mga kamay ko. I wanted someone to hold my hand to stop me from trembling. I shouldn’t be afraid… wala naman akong ginawang masama.

“Wherefore, premises considered, let the corresponding information for murder as provided for under Art 248 of the Revised Penal Code be filed against Reynaldo Villamontes in the proper court.”

Napa-tingin ako sa gawi nila. I chewed on my inner lip habang tinutulungan siya na tumayo.

“How do you plead?” tanong ni Judge.

“Not guilty, Your Honor,” sagot niya.

Ibinalik ko iyong tingin ko kay Judge. Cases like this, remand talaga. But I had no idea about the tricks Iñigo had in his sleeves. Of course client niya pa rin ’yon.

“Your Honor,” Iñigo began. “Mr. Villamontes is a respected member of the society with no prior criminal history. We have also prepared a copy of his medical history to prove that he is not a flight risk. His physician strongly advised bed rest for Mr. Villamontes. He also has a strong ties in a society. And also, given his old age and precarious health, we request house arrest, Your Honor.”

“Atty. Hernaez?” tanong sa akin ni Judge nang hindi agad ako makapagsalita. Ang kapal talaga ng mukha.

Quickly, I drew a deep breath.

“Your Honor, as seen in the discoveries submitted, the evidence of guilt in this case is strongly against the accused. Additionally, we have evidence to prove that not even a week ago, the accused was seen going around his town—without a wheelchair in sight,” sabi ko sabay pakita nung envelope na inabot sa akin ni Lui kanina. He really… scares me. “The prosecution requests remand, Your Honor.”

“Your Honor, as stated in the medical certificate provided by my client’s physician, given the old age of my client, the risk of his illness worsening if remand be granted—”

“Your Honor, the prosecution will agree to a house arrest provided that a physician of our choosing will also perform the tests that Atty. Borromeo keeps on talking about,” mabilis na sagot ko.

Rinig na rinig ko iyong tibok ng puso ko habang naghihintay sa susunod na sasabihin ng judge.

“Your Honor, given the severity of the charge against the accused—”

“This is only a bail hearing, Atty. Hernaez,” pagputol niya sa sasabihin ko. “Save your oral arguments for your cross,” dugtong niya. “Bail is denied.” Napaawang iyong labi ko. “Accused will be remanded but will be given round the clock care.”

Halos hindi ako maka-galaw kahit na na-dismiss na kami. I almost flinched when I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder, but I quickly relaxed nang maramdaman ko na si Lui ’yon.

“Gusto kong masuka,” sabi ko habang naglalakad kami palabas ng korte at inaalalayan niya ako. A group of reporters hounded us, but Lui shielded me from everyone hanggang maka-balik kami sa sasakyan.

“First win,” he said. “Congrats.”

I looked at him. “Can you hold my hand?”

Napa-kunot ang noo niya tapos ay napa-tingin siya sa mga kamay ko na nanginginig. It was like he knew what I was asking for and held my hand and gave me comfort. We sat in silence while he was holding my hand.

I never knew a simple hand holding could be so comforting. 

**

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Chapter 53

Chapter 53

Napa-tingin ako kay Lui nang abutan niya ako ng baso ng tubig. We were in his condo. Sa isang araw na iyong schedule ng unang cross-examination. The pre-trial was done the other week. It was brutal. I already expected Iñigo to put up a fight, but you’d think his family’s being threatened with the way he was trying to fight every evidence that I submitted.

At that time, when Iñigo was trying to get almost all evidence thrown out and declared inadmissible, did I appreciate all the groundwork that Lui did for this case… Kasi tama naman siya. Itong ginagawa ko? It was one thing. It’s one thing to fight this inside the court. Iba pa rin iyong nangyayari sa labas. He had to work magic para makuha lahat ng ebidensya na meron kami—and not only that—ebidensya na admissible sa korte.

“I’m fine,” I told him.

He didn’t say a word. Tumingin lang siya sa baso ng tubig na inabot niya sa akin. I gave in at saka ininom ko iyon. Naramdaman ko iyong panunuyo ng lalamunan ko. I’d been grilling the witness for hours. Kailangan ko na walang butas sa magiging testimony niya. Alam ko na magkaroon lang ng kaunting butas, Iñigo would kick the door wide open. I would not grant him that opportunity.

“Do you wanna roleplay?” I asked.

Agad na napa-tingin siya sa akin.

Agad na natawa ako dahil sa reaction niya.

Pero agad din akong napa-tigil dahil sa tingin niya sa akin.

“Not what you’re thinking,” I told him, straightening my back. “I mean, you play Iñigo’s role as the opposing counsel.”

I didn’t know if it was relief that I saw on his face. Ewan. Ayokong mag-overthink. There’s a space and time for that and that obviously wasn’t now. There were far more important things that we had to focus on.

But… with the amount of time we’re spending together, it was so tempting to slip back in the nostalgia and sense of familiarity.

The walls were slowly breaking.

Nakakapagjoke na nga ako—no matter how morbid and dark they sometimes were.

With no one talking, sabay kaming bumalik sa kwarto kung nasaan iyong witness namin, si Noel. Ni hindi man lang siya tumingin sa gawi namin nung buksan namin iyong pinto. He looked so tired—kami rin naman. Sino ba ang may gusto nito? Parang lahat ng buhay namin ay naka-binbin sa era hanggang hindi natatapos ang kaso na ’to.

“One more round,” sabi ko kay Noel.

Imbes na tumingin sa akin ay kay Lui siya tumingin. “Iyong pamilya—”

Lui cut him off with a single nod. “Basta sabihin mo ’yung totoo, wala tayong magiging problema,” simpleng sabi ni Lui. Those were just his words… it could’ve come off as friendly, but I knew better. Those simple words were laced with threats. And as Lui told me that push comes to shove, he definitely would be shoving.

Noel nodded, but even with a simple nod, I felt the fear that was swallowing him alive. Minsan, hindi ko talaga maintindihan… Mukhang mahal na mahal naman niya iyong pamilya niya. Ang mga Villamontes din ay halata na mahal nila iyong pamilya nila to the point na pagtatakpan nila ang isa’t-isa. Pero hindi ba nila naisip na may pamilya rin na nagmamahal sa mga taong pinatay nila?

I would never— never— understand.

“From the top,” sabi ni Lui habang naka-upo sa may upuan sa harap ni Noel. It was like I was thrown back in the past. Ganito iyong itsura niya kapag nasa korte kaming dalawa. Dati, iniisip ko kung paano kung kaming dalawa ang magkalaban sa korte. Nung na-experience ko na, hindi pala masaya. Kahit pa gaano ko sabihin na trabaho lang, pagdating sa aming dalawa, nagiging personal talaga.

I guess that with him, I could never fully separate business from pleasure.

“You ask questions—I’ll object,” sabi ni Lui.

I looked at him and raised a brow. “Really? You’ll object?”

Tumango siya. “Yes,” he said with a small nod. “Let’s see how good you are at asking questions.”

Bahagyang napaawang ang labi ko. “Seriously?”

“You’ve been at arbitration for a while,” he replied. “Who knows what happened to your litigation skills?”

I wanted to argue some more na kaka-panalo ko lang nung sa kaso ni Assia, but I didn’t want to ruin his… seemingly jolly mood. Once in a decade lang ata ’to magpakita kaya ayokong istorbohin.

“Fine,” I said. “Kailan mo unang narinig na magplano sila tungkol sa massacre na naganap?” I asked Noel for the hundredth time.

“October 2.”

“Saan naganap ’yung unang pagpa-plano ng massacre?” I continued, adding the last word to see if he’d call me out on that.

“Objection,” Lui said. “Question calls for a conclusion of fact.” Bahagyang napa-kunot ang noo ko. “What? This is how Iñigo plays—you saw how he is nung pre-trial,” he continued. “Give him a hand and he’ll tear off the arm.”

I pressed my lips. “Fine,” I said. “Saan naganap iyong meeting na ’to?”

“Sa loob ng Hacienda ng mga Cantavieja.”

“Tungkol saan ang naging meeting na ’to?”

“Sa pagpa-plano tungkol sa ambush—”

“Objection,” muling sabi ni Lui. “Calls for speculation. We can’t conclude that they really met and if they did, that they did so with the plan to carry out the crime of murder. This is purely speculative on the part of the witness.”

If I’m being honest, he’s being an ass with this line of objection… pero pakiramdam ko ay ganito nga ang gagawin ni Iñigo—kasi ganito rin ang gagawin ko.

“You know the drill,” sabi ni Lui sa akin. “Ask him about what he knows—about what actually happened. Don’t give him the chance to speculate. ’Wag mong bigyan ng chance si Iñigo na mag-object.”

“I know that.”

“I know you know,” Lui said. “It’s just nerves, Tali. I know that this is important to you, but treat this like any other case—just do your cross like usual and you’ll be fine.”

Tumango ako. Humarap siya kay Noel.

“Sumagot ka nang maayos. ’Wag kang magbigay ng opinion. Kung ano lang ’yung tanong, iyon lang ang sagutin mo,” paalala niya ulit. Isang maling sabi niya lang, pwede na ’yung magbukas ng pinto para kung anu-ano ang itanong ni Iñigo sa kanya.

We continued with our rehearsal. Halos mapaos na ako nung natapos kami. Ang daming input ni Lui. Akala ko dati ay hahayaan niya lang ako sa kung anuman ang gagawin sa loob ng korte. For the longest time, I actually did convince myself that he’s just doing this being I wanted this—that he didn’t actually care about what happened… but hearing his line of questioning? Him actually dissecting the facts and questions?

I was almost convinced that he did care.

He just didn’t want to admit it.

But why?

I left them for a while para initin iyong dinner namin. Pagbalik ko para tawagin sila, malayo pa lang pero ramdam ko na na seryoso iyong usapan nila. I knew that I shouldn’t eavesdrop, but I did, anyway.

“Iyong pamilya ko, sir, ha…” sabi ni Noel. “Kahit ’wag na ako. Wala akong pakielam sa pagiging star witness ng prosecution. Basta iyong sa pamilya ko, sir. Wala naman silang kinalaman dito.”

I waited for Lui to say something, anything, pero maliit na tango lang ang binigay niya na sagot. But even that was enough to send shiver down my spine.

Paglabas niya ay bahagya siyang natigilan nang makita niya akong naka-tayo doon. I wanted to ask him, but I stopped myself. Did I even want to know kung bakit takot sa kanya iyong lalaki?

“Papunta si Achilles,” sabi ni Lui.

“Dito?’

He nodded like he was even offended with the insinuation na siya ang pupunta kay Achilles. When this is all done and over, I’d pay to actually see them in a room and watch them interact. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit mainit ang dugo nila sa isa’t-isa.

---

The day of the first cross, sabay kaming pumunta ni Lui sa court. There were lots of media outside. I gave them the usual answer—na hindi ako pwedeng magcomment dahil ongoing pa iyong kaso. I tried my best to remain neutral because public perception is still at play.

“Nasan na si Noel?” I asked Lui.

“On the way,” he replied.

“Bakit kasi hindi na lang sumabay sa ’tin?” I asked again, getting a bit agitated. May trauma na talaga ako sa mga witness. Palagi na lang may nangyayari sa kanila.

“Not an option.”

Agad na napa-kunot ang noo ko sa sinabi ni Lui. “What do you mean—” I paused. “Is there a threat?”

“There is always a threat—he’s the star witness. The whole case is basically hinged on his testimony about his participation,” sagot niya sa akin. I was about to utter a protest, but he quickly stopped me with a single stare. “He’s already on the way. I just can’t risk him riding with us.”

“Because you think something will happen,” I told him.

He gave me a look. “I don’t know,” he said. “But as I’ve said—I’m not risking it. End of discussion,” he continued with finality.

Lui wanted us to wait inside the court room. I insisted na dito kami sa labas maghintay. Kulang na lang ay tawagan ko mismo iyong si Noel para tanungin kung on the way na ba siya, kung buhay pa ba siya. We’re too close already—ang lapit-lapit na namin. Gusto kong matakot sa mga possibleng mangyari, pero alam ko na kaya ako natatakot ay dahil alam ko na malaki iyong posibilidad na manalo kami.

He just needed to be here… I will do the rest.

I kept on looking sa daan kung saan dadating sila. Dumating na si Iñigo. We both gave each other curt nods. Dumiretso siyang pumasok sa loob at hindi na hinintay pa iyong kliyente niya na i-de-deliver ng mga pulis. Hindi na rin ako masu-surpresa kung bukod sa wheelchair ay baka may naka-sunod na rin na oxygen tank sa kanya. Sabi nga nila Lui, it’s all about the theatrics. I could already imagine a lot of Filipinos na naaawa sa kanya dahil bakit nga ba hindi ko pa tigilan e matanda na siya? I’d dare them to say the same thing kung kasama iyong mga kaanak nila sa mga walang awang pinatay.

“Finally,” I said when I saw the SUV on the driveway.

“I told you,” Lui said like I was worrying over nothing.

Tumingin ako sa kanya. “Can you blame me?”

“It’s gonna be different this time,” he replied.

“I hope so.”

“I say so.”

Pigil ang hininga ko habang naghihintay ako na lumabas ng sasakyan si Noel. Naunang lumabas iyong security team. Tapos ay siya. Kitang-kita ko iyong kaba sa mukha niya habang naglalakad siya sa likuran nung security. Sino ba naman ang hindi kakabahan? Alam ko na nandito lang siya dahil sa banta ni Lui sa pamilya niya… pero sana ay maintindihan niya rin na tama iyong ginagawa niya.

The Villamontes family has terrorized a lot of people for a long time already… Panahon na para may tumapos sa lahat ng kasamaan nila.

I was about to approach Noel para sabayan siya na maglakad papasok sa korte. Lui stopped me na para bang sinasabi niya na dito lang kami sa loob ng korte. Na mas secured kami dito. Minsan hindi ko maintindihan iyong paranoia niya dahil maraming pulis at media ang nasa paligid ng korte.

My eyes wouldn’t leave Noel’s every move dahil gaya nga ng sabi ni Lui, sa kanya naka-base iyong buong case namin. Pero nandito na siya. Everything will be—

Noel continued to walk.

And then he grabbed something from his back.

Hindi ako naka-galaw nang makita ko na itutok niya iyon sa akin.

Hindi ako naka-hinga nang makita kong bigla na lang siyang bumagsak siya sa sahig matapos kong makarinig ng malakas na putok.

Lui quickly grabbed me and enveloped me inside his arms. Hindi ko maintindihan iyong mga nangyayari. Nagkaka-gulo iyong lahat. Mabilis na pina-pasok kami ng pulis sa loob ng korte at sinabihan na hindi kami pwedeng umalis hanggang hindi kami nakukuhanan ng statement—hanggang hindi nakukuhanan si Lui ng statement dahil siya iyong bumaril kay Noel.

“Y-yung w-witness—”

“You’re fine… You’re fine…” paulit-ulit na sabi niya habang naka-yakap sa akin. “You’re fine…”

Tumingin ako sa kanya.

Naramdaman ko iyong pagvibrate ng cellphone niya.

Kinuha ko iyon mula sa kamay niya kahit na nanginginig iyong kamay ko. I kept on trying to breathe, but my chest wouldn’t let me. I felt like I was in shock—na kung dati ay naririnig ko lang na namatay ang witness ko pero ngayon… ngayon, sa harap ko mismo nangyari.

‘You took care of the problem you created. You can’t play this game better than us.’

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. Rinig na rinig ko iyong kabog ng dibdib ko. Hindi ko pa rin maintindihan lahat ng nangyari. Alam niya ba? Kaya ba ayaw niya akong paalisin sa tabi niya? Sino iyong nagtext sa kanya?

“Why… did you do that?”

“He would’ve shot you—”

“He wouldn’t—”

“He would have,” he said. “This is not child’s play, Tali. This is real life. People killed for a lot less. He would’ve shot you. I know it. I am not risking your life,” he said, staring straight into my eyes. “I would never.”

We were both breathing deeply.

“I will find you another witness,” he told me. “Hell, I will be your witness. I promise, everything will be fine,” he continued as he cupped my face and looked straight into my eyes. 

**

This story is already at Chapter 61 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 54

Chapter 54

“No,” I quickly and firmly said nang sabihin ni Lui na siya ang papalit bilang witness sa kaso na isinampa namin laban sa mga Villamontes.

“We don’t have a choice—”

“You’re the one who always told me that there’s always a choice.”

Lui gave me back the same stare that I’ve been giving him. Ilang minuto pa lang nang makauwi kami galing sa presinto. Ilang beses siyang tinanong tungkol sa nangyari kanina. Hindi ko alam kung bayad din ba ng mga Villamontes iyong mga pulis o talagang ginagawa lang nila ang trabaho nila… way beyond how they usually did it. They kept on asking Lui about what happened; he kept on telling them that he had to because if he didn’t, I would’ve gotten shot.

“Your choices are to let me testify or to let Villamontes walk away scathe-free. Again.”

Mariin akong umiling. “No. There’s a video. May judicial affidavit—”

“Noel made a retracting statement before he died—saying that we coerced him into saying everything.”

Napaawang ang labi ko. “He did what?”

“I don’t know how they did it… but they got to him,” Lui said. “Somehow, they got to him.”

Rinig na rinig ko iyong pagsisi niya sa sarili niya. I knew that what happened was terrible, but I would never ever blame him for that. We both knew how these people work.

“And how did you know that?” tanong ko sa kanya. “They’re threatening you, aren’t they? Iyong text na natanggap mo kanina? Galing sa kanila ’yon?” I asked, but I didn’t even need to hear a confirmation from him. Kasi sino pa ba ang gagawa non?

“Yes, but that’s beside the point—”

“How is that beside the point, Lui? They threatened you!”

“And they almost had you killed—”

“So you killed someone?!”

“I’m gonna be fine. I acted in defense of a stranger. Revised Penal Code, Article 11, remember? If they ever try to file a case, even a half-decent prosecutor would recommend dismissal immediately.”

“It’s not about that!” I said, my chest heaving.

“Then what is it about?” tanong niya habang diretsong naka-tingin sa mga mata ko. Like he couldn’t understand why I was acting this way, feeling this way. “Because I’m fine—”

“Because you stood in front of me! He could’ve shot you! You could’ve died! I could’ve watched you die, Lui!”

“But I didn’t—”

“But you could’ve!”

“If I die—”

Mabilis akong umiling. I couldn’t see him anymore in the sea of tears that were pooling around my eyes. “No,” I said as I shook my head as the tears began to fall. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Tali, if I die, don’t blame yourself—”

“No!”

“You’re right. There are always choices. I chose this. So, if I—”

But he wasn’t stopping.

I had to turn around and walk away because I was not having this conversation. It was enough that I think about this—that this thought haunts me even in my sleep… but to hear him talk about this? About the very real possibility of him—

No.

I didn’t want to talk about this.

“Tali!” he said as he held my arm to stop me from walking away. “Listen—”

“Ayoko nga!”

“We’re already way in too deep—you, me, Mauro, Achilles. I need to do this,” he said while he was looking me in the eye… as if that was enough explanation that would make me understand kung anuman ang possibleng mangyari sa kanya.

But then he stopped.

His lips parted.

He cupped my face and I felt his thumbs wiping the tears.

“Why… are you crying?” he asked, his voice softening.

Hindi ako makapagsalita. Kasi ano ang sasabihin ko? Na umiiyak ako dahil takot akong may mangyari sa kanya? Kasi alam ko na tama siya… na kung gusto naming manalo sa kaso na ’to, kailangan niyang maging testigo…

“Because you’ll die,” I said in between sobs.

Lui looked at me, his face softening even more. He was staring at me like he just wanted to envelope me in his arms and never let go. I wanted to do the same. I just wanted him safe.

But I knew that I couldn’t let this go.

I would never find peace if I let this go.

“Why are you talking like it will really happen?” he asked as he gently wiped the tears from my face. “I was only talking… just in case… because I know that, just in case, you will blame yourself…” he continued. “But I won’t die. Not because of this case, at least.”

“No,” I said. “You’ll die. If you become a witness, you’ll die. Like every witness I had.”

I could even see it in my mind now.

Parang iyong nangyari kanina.

Maybe they’d even kill him right in front of me… just to taunt me… just to remind me of who really plays the game better kagaya ng sinabi nila kay Lui.

I looked at him.

I was looking at him.

But I could barely see him.

Was this a preview of the future? Kapag nawala siya? Kasi kahit na nasa harapan ko siya ngayon, dadating ba iyong araw na mawawala siya at unti-unti siyang maglalaho sa ala-ala ko?

“Stop crying. Please,” he said. “After everything you’ve been through… All the people you argued with… All the cases you won… Dito ka lang iiyak?” he asked. I could feel how hard he was trying to make light of the situation.

“Why can’t you just take me seriously? Take my fears seriously?”

“Because,” he said, looking at me and smiling, but behind those smiles, it was like I could see his heart breaking. “It’s just me, Tali. If… if what you fear really happens, you’ll be fine. You’ll blame yourself, I know, but you’ll be fine.”

“Why are you so certain that I’ll be fine?”

“Because you’ve been fine all this time.”

“You think I was fine?”

“Yes. You were fine. Without me. You’ll always be fine with or without me.”

“I was fine because I know that somewhere in this miserable world, you’re alive and breathing,” I said while staring at him and barely seeing him. “If you… if you die…”

I couldn’t continue.

I wasn’t able to continue.

“Will you die if I die?” he asked with his thumbs caressing my cheek.

“Not literally…”

He let out a soft chuckle. “Figuratively?” I nodded. “Alright… then I can’t die if you will figuratively die… because I can’t have that. I won’t have that. You still have to live a long life, Tali. You will still do a lot of great things.”

“You promise?”

He nodded. “I promise.”

“You won’t die…”

He softly smiled at me. “I won’t,” he said. “I’m alive. I’m here,” he continued as he reached for my hands and used them to cup his face, his hands over mine. “I’m still here, Tali. Can you feel me?”

I looked up and saw his face.

But it wasn’t enough that I was seeing him.

I needed to feel him, too.

So, I pulled his head until my lips touched his.

“What—” he managed to say as he tried to pull back.

“Please,” I pleaded. “Please,” I repeated.

Because I needed more.

I needed more evidence to feel that he’s here.

That he’s not dead.

That all the thoughts that were running in my head were just… thoughts.

Lui grabbed my face. He was the one leading the kissing—forcefully this time. Like he’d been starving for the longest time and he was finally satiating that hunger. He pulled me up and I automatically wrapped my legs around his torso. He kept on walking until I felt my back resting against the wall.

“Tell me when you need me to stop,” he said as his hands were trying to unbutton my top… and gave up halfway and just tore my blouse wide open.

“No,” I replied. “No stopping,” I continued as I reached for my bra and unhooked it myself.

Years may pass…

But god, he’s really the only one that I wanted like this.

It felt like a curse—to want him and only him.

And then he was kissing me again. He was kissing my lips and my neck and my chest and went down until he reached that spot between my thighs. I didn’t tell him to stop. I just wanted to feel him everywhere. I wanted a constant reminder that he’s here… because I knew that my fear was real.

My head was spinning.

I was barely trying to catch my breath.

“Can you feel me now?” he asked, staring right into my eyes as I felt him stretching me wide.

My lips parted. I couldn’t talk. Words were failing me. Emotions were killing me because Lui wouldn’t let go of my eyes as he was tearing me apart.

I grabbed onto him like I would die if I ever let go.

He continued like he would die if he stopped.

And then we were both just breathing.

“I promise…” he whispered as I felt him kissing the side of my head. “This time won’t be like the others,” he continued as he carried me to the bedroom.

---

With the death of Noel and the issuance of his retraction, we had to add Lui’s name to the case. He’ll be the main witness of the prosecution. Mas lumawak ang kaso dahil sa dami ng alam ni Lui. Magcocoincide na rin siya sa kaso na hawak nila Achilles.

Lui’s the string that connects everything together.

Hindi siya lumalabas sa condo. I wouldn’t let him. I’d watch his phone like a hawk. Kita ko na tumatawag iyong pamilya niya sa kanya. Sigurado ako na nakarating na sa kanila ang balita.

“You should talk to them,” I told him. After all, they’re still family.

“Alam ko na ’yung sasabihin nila,” he replied.

“Still.”

“It’s just a waste of time,” he said. “They’ll tell me to stop doing what I’m doing. They’ll tell me family is family. They’ll tell me I’m being ungrateful,” he continued. He was about to say something more, but he stopped himself. I had an idea. That you’ll put yourself in danger. Alam niya na ayaw kong pag-usapan. “Along those lines. So… I’m saving us time.”

Hindi ako nagsalita.

“Come on, let’s practice the cross,” he said.

“Alam mo na ’yung gagawin mo.”

“It’s Iñigo,” he said.

“And you’re Lui.”

He arched his left brow. “Wow.”

I rolled my eyes at him but he just reached for my right hand and pulled me until I was sitting on his lap. He burrowed his face against my chest. I could feel his every movement, his every breathing.

“Tali,” he mumbled.

“Hmm?”

“When the cross begins…”

“I know. I won’t.”

He didn’t even need to verbalize that. Alam ko naman. Dati na namin ’tong napagtalunan. I knew Lui’s a complicated person… I knew I judged him before for that… But I knew better now… That he’s just the way he is because that’s how you survive in the world that he’s living in.

It’s cruel.

So, sometimes, you have to be cruel, too.

“My family’s despicable. I let them do all those things.”

I hugged him and gently brushed his hair. “You’re doing the right thing now. And that’s what’s important.”

I felt him shaking his head. Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. Tumingin din siya sa akin. “I’m doing this because it’s what you want… and not because it’s what’s right.”

My lips parted kahit alam ko naman na ’yon.

“You still don’t get it, don’t you?” he asked as he tightened his hold around me. “I don’t know when… I don’t know how… but I am so in love with you and I will do anything for you, Atty. Hernaez.”

**

This story is already at Chapter 62 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 55

Chapter 55

It was the day that I’d been waiting for so long… but then it became the day that I dreaded the most. I didn’t want to involve him in the case—I didn’t want him to be the center of it all. Pero pareho naming alam ni Lui na wala kaming choice.

That it’s this… or they get away with everything.

Again.

And I knew that I’d be putting him in danger by making him do this… so I had to call everyone I know. I just had to make sure that Lui would be fine. Because honestly? I didn’t know what would happened to me kapag may nangyari sa kanya.

As much as he kept on telling me that I’d be fine kapag may nangyari sa kanya, I just knew that I wouldn’t… That if something happens to me, something inside me would be broken… indefinitely… and I didn’t think I’d be able to heal from that.

And I didn’t want that.

I didn’t want to live in this world just feeling broken every day.

“Don’t you think this is too much?” Lui asked nang makita niya na triple iyong security kumpara sa dati.

“Kulang pa siguro,” I replied.

“People would think na ako talaga iyong suspect,” he said, trying to make the situation feel lighter. He’s failing. Nothing would make me feel better until we’re able to put this situation behind us. Until then, I’d always look behind my shoulder. Kasi kung nagawa nilang mapa-baliktad si Noel—si Noel na nakita ko kung paano ka-bantay-sarado si Lui, then no one’s safe.

“I don’t care about what they think. I care about you being safe.”

I saw the surprise on Lui’s face.

Weren’t we both just stubborn individuals?

Why couldn’t we just say those three words together?

But Lui quickly gathered himself. Umayos siya sa pagkaka-tayo. Tumingin siya sa akin. He gave me a small nod as though that would be able to pacify that storm that was brewing inside my head.

“I’ll be fine—”

“Can you please stop saying that?” I asked. “I know you’ll be fine… Just… please stop saying that.”

I knew that I didn’t even need to explain to him what I meant by that. I was sure that he knew how I felt. He probably felt it, too… if not more.

Tahimik kaming naka-sakay sa sasakyan. Vito helped me get bulletproof vehicle. I honestly wasn’t expecting much from him… Not because he wouldn’t want to help us, but because I knew that he was probably in a tough position. Kasama sa mga babanggain naming pangalan iyong mga kaibigan niya. And Vito’s been through a lot. I wouldn’t take it against him if he’d choose to take a step back.

But he did.

He came through.

Ganito siguro talaga kapag kaibigan… ewan ko. Hindi ko alam. Kasi sinubukan ko namang humingi ng supporta sa sorority. I heard nothing. They wouldn’t even associate themselves with me anymore… hindi kagaya nung nagtop ako sa BAR na kulang na lang ay idikit nila sa pangalan ko iyong sorority.

Totoo talaga na makikilala mo iyong mga tunay na kaibigan mo kapag hindi ideal iyong sitwasyon na meron ka.

I was clutching on the bag that was on my lap for support. Halos kabisado ko na iyong tanong sa cross examination, pero parang gusto kong masuka sa sobrang kaba. Tama naman si Lui na dapat ay tratuhin ko ’to na normal na kaso lang… kasi iyon lang ang paraan para mairaos ko ’tong buong kaso na ’to na hindi ako nasisiraan ng ulo.

I was counting inside my head.

Everything was silent.

Until I felt something hitting the back of the vehicle.

I froze.

Hindi ko alam kung ano iyong nangyari. All I knew was that fear quickly crept through my system. I knew I should probably jump out of the car… but then, sino ba iyong mga nasa labas? Tuluyan na bang nasiraan ng bait iyong mga Villamontes? Would they really gun us down in the middle of the day? In public?

At this point, everything was possible.

Was this my end?

I quickly thought about my family. Kailan ko pa ba sila huling naka-usap? Would they blame themselves? Na hindi nila ako nagawang pigilan na gawin ’to? Knowing that this would’ve happened to me? My mother… she’d be so heartbroken…

I should’ve prepared a letter.

Something.

Just to say goodbye.

So that no words would be left unsaid.

But then it’s too late—

“Hey, breathe…”

My thoughts were quickly interrupted when I felt Lui’s hands on my face. He forced me to look at him, to stare into his eyes. Those eyes that gave me comfort. Those eyes that get me lost every damn time.

“We’re okay,” he said gently. “It’s fine. Some idiot just hit the bumper of the car.”

I heard his words… my mind just couldn’t process them.

I could still feel it—the fear.

The belief that this was my end— our end.

“Tali…” he called my name. “You’re okay,” he said. He kept on repeating that. I could hear him. I just couldn’t hear him.

“I…” I said. He was looking at me. He was waiting to listen. “I don’t think I can do it.”

I looked at him.

I felt the tears running down my face.

“I’m scared.”

It was the first time that I said it out loud.

That I was scared.

Because for the longest time, I’d been pretending that I wasn’t… Kasi alam ko na lahat ng tao sa paligid ko ay natatakot na para sa akin. Natatakot din ako… but I felt like I had no right to feel frightened. Because if I feel scared, too, who would stand up against them?

Who would ever stand up against them?

But being here…

Thinking that I was in the brink of dying?

It felt all too real.

Everything.

Most of all the fear.

“Thank God you’re scared,” Lui said. He cupped my face. He was looking straight into my eyes. “Scared is good, Tali. Scared means you’d be cautious. Because I swear I don’t know what I’d do if something happens to you.”

I couldn’t talk. Once again, words were failing me… Now that we’re just minutes away from the court.

“I can’t—”

“You can.”

“But what if I can’t—”

Lui made me look at him. “If you say you can’t and you don’t want to do this, we’ll leave. No questions asked. We’ll leave everything and everyone behind,” he said. “But I know you. I know you so well, Tali, that I know that if we leave? If you just let them get away? You’ll hate yourself. You won’t forgive yourself. It will destroy you.”

I could feel him breathing.

I could feel his fear mirroring mine.

“And I can’t let you destroy you.”

No words were said after. Lui just enveloped me inside his arms. Pina-labas niya iyong mga kasama namin sa sasakyan hanggang kaming dalawa na lang ang nasa loob. He just kept on hugging me to try to make me calm down.

“We have to go inside,” he said. Ni hindi ko alam na nakarating na pala kami dito. “You can do this.”

Inabutan niya ako ng tubig. He sat there and watched me drink. Pinapanood niya ang bawat galaw ko. And then he tuck a portion of my hair behind my ears.

“Ready?” he asked.

I looked at him and nodded. Was I scared? Yes. But he’s right… I was more scared of what I’d feel if I’d just run away with him like he said.

I am scared.

But sometimes, there’s no other way around this but through this.

---

Tama nga si Lui na parang kami pa iyong may kaso sa dami ng guards na kasama namin… but no one’s questioning us pagkatapos nung nangyari kay Noel. We didn’t give any interview. Tuloy lang kami sa paglalakad. Lui’s hand never left the small of my back hanggang sa makarating kami sa loob.

We quickly spotted Iñigo. I knew he was worried. He couldn’t directly contact me, but Cha did ask Lui kung ayos lang daw ba kami. Ito lang siguro iyong weird sa trabaho namin… Magkaaway sa korte pero sa labas? Pareho lang naman kaming lahat. Siguro. Sana.

“If you feel overwhelmed, just stick to the script,” sabi ni Lui.

I gave him a small nod. “No, I’ll be fine.”

But the look on his face showed that he didn’t believe me one bit. “I already stated everything in the Judicial Affidavit. We were as clear as possible. Today’s gonna be fine.”

How did we come to this? That he’s the one who had to assure me?

“I know that, pero magaling si Iñigo.”

“Magaling din ako,” he said.

For a second, I felt lighter. Lui gave me a small smile as if to tell me once again they we’re gonna be fine.

“I’m just gonna tell the truth, Tali. Kahit gaano pa kagaling magtanong si Iñigo, hindi niya ako kayang lituhin kasi totoo naman iyong sasabihin ko.”

He’s right… It’s hard to confuse a witness who’s telling the truth. Kahit pa sabihin nila na hindi reliable ang eyewitness testimony because chances are, our memories betray us. But sometimes, you just know. And no tactic can make you betray the truth of what really happened.

We got inside.

This felt like the first time once again. Para akong bumalik nung unang beses kong umattend bilang litigation lawyer sa loob ng korte. I remembered feeling nauseous… but also excited. Iba ngayon. Takot lang ata iyong tanging nararamdaman ko. O baka excited na rin ako na matapos ’to.

“Criminal Case No. 2019-001. People of the Philippines v Reynaldo Villamontes, et al. for multiple counts of murder,” the clerk of court read.

“The prosecution may call its witness,” sabi ni Judge sa akin.

Tumingin ako kay Lui. This was still a public hearing… given the public interest due to the nature of the case pati na rin sa nangyari kay Noel. Pero dahil na rin sa nangyari kay Noel ay mas humigpit iyong security. Mas maraming pulis. Pero ewan ko. Kahit maraming pulis, hindi ko magawang makaramdam na ligtas ako.

“Thank you, Your Honor,” panimula ko. Muli akong huminga nang malalim. I straightened out the imaginary crease on my top. Tumingin ako kay Lui na diretsong naka-tingin sa akin.

“The People call Luisito Ruiz Valladares to the stand.”

I was quietly watching as Lui was being sworn in. He was just looking at me—like he was promising me that he will tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Then he was done and once again, I had to remind myself to breathe.

“Please state your full name for the record.”

“Luisito Ruiz Valladares,” he said, sounding confident. Perhaps, he’s right… There’s no need to feel afraid when all you’ll say is the truth…

But then again, sometimes, truth is frightening.

“Mr. Valladares, how do you know the accused, Reynaldo Villamontes?”

Nakita ko na tumingin si Lui sa gawi ni Villamontes. He was in a wheelchair… na ngayon ay may kasama na ring oxygen tank. Mabuti na lang din talaga at hindi jury system dito sa Pilipinas. The jury would eat up this whole charade—with their misguided sense of tolerance towards elders kahit na wala na sa lugar minsan.

“Our families have had business dealings for many years. My father and his father were partners in several ventures.”

“Such as?”

“Objection,” mabilis na sabi ni Iñigo. “Relevance?”

“Your Honor, I’m establishing the background of the relationship between the witness and the accused. It leads directly to the witness’ involvement in the case,” mabilis kong sabi. Ramdam na ramdam ko iyong bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Saglit na napa-tingin ako kay Lui. He was looking at me as though he was trying to calm me down and tell me that everything’s going well… that it’s according to how we practiced…

And to just breathe.

Pareho kaming naka-tingin ni Iñigo at naghihintay ng susunod na sasabihin ni Judge.

“Objection overruled, but Counselor, please get to the point quickly.”

Fuck.

Thank God.

“Mr. Valladares?” muling pagtatanong ko.

“Our families have had business dealings for many years. The Villamontes family, particularly their company Villamontes Inc., helps us find high-paying clients for our premium medical services.”

I could hear the murmurs and the whispers.

“Objection, Your Honor,” muling sabi ni Iñigo. “Irrelevant. The prosecution is alluding to issues not included in this trial.”

“Sustained,” the Judge stated.

I nodded.

Good.

At least I opened the floodgates. I knew that this trial was public… Sana may makarinig… Dahil hindi ko alam kung mananalo kami. Gustung-gusto kong umasa na mananalo kami… pero kung totoo nga na may presyo ang lahat—na mabibili kahit ang resulta nito… I have no choice but to hope that the public has not yet lost its damned mind.

Dahil bulag lang ang hindi makaka-kita na guilty ang pamilya na ’to at lahat ng ka-sosyo nila sa negosyo.

“I’ll move on to my next question, Your Honor,” sabi ko at muling ibinalik ang tingin kay Lui. “Mr. Valladares, were you present at a meeting on October 02 at the Villamontes family compound?”

Tumango si Lui. “I was.”

“Who else was present at this meeting?”

It probably evaded the others… but I clearly saw that hint of… fear cross his face as he began to mention names that even he probably didn’t think he’d ever mention in an open court. “Reynaldo Villamontes,” he began as, one by one, he said the names of those involved in the brutal massacre that happened one afternoon in November.

“What was discussed at this meeting?” I asked.

“The topic of the meeting was how to dispose of the star witness in the rape case against Arthur Villamontes.”

“Dispose as in?”

“Objection, Your Honor! The prosecutor is leading the witness,” muling sabi ni Iñigo.

“Sustained. Prosecutor, rephrase your question.”

Huminga ako nang malalim. I knew that I was flirting dangerously close with contempt, but I just needed that word to be said, to be associated with Villamontes.

“Mr. Valladares, can you clarify what you mean by ‘dispose of the witness?’”

“They were discussing how to kill Patricia Santos, the star witness in the rape case.”

“Can you be more specific about what was said?”

“They discussed a plan to intercept the van where Patricia Santos, the witness, would be riding. They talked about how to bury the entire van with all the people inside it.”

Ramdam ko iyong panlalamig ng buong katawan ko. But I knew that I needed to push through. We’re already here. We’re so close… so close.

“Mr. Valladares, did anyone at the meeting express concern about the scale of this plan?”

“I asked if they didn’t think anyone would notice such a large-scale disappearance.”

“And what was the response to your question?”

Lui looked at the cameras—the one that was recording everything that was going down inside the court room. “Reynaldo Villamontes laughed and said, ‘May presyo lahat ng tao.’ “

“Objection, Your Honor. Hearsay.”

“Your Honor, this statement falls under the party opponent exception to the hearsay rule. Mr. Villamontes is a defendant in this case, and this is a statement against his interest,” mabilis na sagot ko.

Nanlalamig iyong mga kamay ko habang naghihintay sa susunod na sasabihin niya. He did tell me to do my best… and that I should trust him and trust justice.

I hope they didn’t get to him, as well.

“Objection overruled,” Judge said. Fuck yes . “The witness may answer. However, put in record this statement only as evidence against Mr. Villamontes, not against any other defendants related to this case.”

‘Breathe, Tali,’ I kept on reminding myself.

“Mr. Valladares, how did you feel when you heard this plan?”

“I was shocked. I couldn’t believe they were seriously planning something so horrible.”

“Yet you didn’t report this to the authorities. Why not?”

“I didn’t think they would actually go through with it. I thought it was just talk.”

“Why? Was there other talk of the same nature before?”

“Objection, Your Honor. This question calls for speculation and assumes facts not in evidence,” mabilis na sabi ni Iñigo. Agad na napa-tingin ako sa gawi nila. Hindi ko alam kung totoo bang kailangan na talaga ni Reynaldo Villamontes ng oxygen tank dahil sa itsura niya ngayon.

“Your Honor, I’m simply asking the witness to explain the basis for his statement. His previous experiences with the defendants are relevant to understanding his state of mind,” mabilis kong sagot.

“I’ll allow it, but tread carefully, Counselor. Mr. Valladares, you may answer if you have personal knowledge. Don’t speculate.”

“Well, there were times when they would discuss ‘taking care’ of problems,” simpleng sagot ni Lui. We agreed not to delve in to the other issues. That wasn’t the point of this case. Sapat na na nasabi namin na hindi ’to ang unang pagkaka-taon.

That this murder wasn’t an isolated case.

That the Villamontes family is actually evil.

“When did you realize it wasn’t just talk? That they really planned to ‘dispose’ of Patricia Santos?”

“When I heard it in the news,” he replied as he looked at me. I was there. I was there with him when we heard the news. I could still remember how cold I felt and I how my mind didn’t want to hear what happened.

Kasi sino ba ang pwedeng gumawa non?

Sino ba ang kayang gumawa ng ganon?

“Thank you, Mr. Valladares. No further questions, Your Honor,” sabi ko at saka naglakad pabalik sa pwesto ko.

“Does the defense wish to cross-examine?”

Iñigo stood up and walked up to Lui. “Yes, Your Honor.”

**

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Chapter 56

Chapter 56

I didn’t know why I was holding my breath as I watched Iñigo walk and then stop in front of Lui. It was merely a few steps, yet it felt like forever. Every step he took felt like dagger that was being plunged into my chest.

Lui and I talked about this… we prepared for this…

But it’s Iñigo.

I knew about what happened before with his friend. He managed to get her thrown in jail. If not for the last minute evidence, sigurado ako na nasa kulungan pa rin ngayon iyong kaibigan niya. The in denial part inside my head told me na professional lang talaga siya. Na kaya niyang ihiwalay iyong trabaho sa personal na nararamdaman niya. But I wasn’t born yesterday. The Ramirez family was involved. And like the Villamontes family, they play dirty…

Kaya ano ang pinagkaiba ngayon?

“Mr. Valladares,” panimula niya. I hated that I was holding my breath as I was waiting for his next words. Naka-tingin ako kay Lui. His face was… devoid of any emotion. That was good… right? He shouldn’t be emotional. Mas maganda kung kalmado lang siya. He needed to be in control para hindi siya malito ni Iñigo sa mga tanong niya.

“Where did you attend school for your undergraduate studies?”

“St. Claire’s,” sagot ni Lui.

“And after that, you went to medical school, correct?”

“Yes.”

“But you didn’t finish, did you?”

“No, I did not.”

“In fact, you come from a family of doctors, isn’t that right?”

“Yes, that’s correct.”

“Yet you chose to leave medical school and pursue law instead. Why is that?”

Huminga ako nang malalim. “Objection, Your Honor. Relevance?” I asked although I already knew where Iñigo was heading with the line of questioning that he was doing.

I warned Lui that this would happen…

He assured me that he’ll be fine.

But now that it’s in the open? How could he be fine? Kung ako nga na mahal siya, nagawa siyang husgahan noon… paano pa iyong ibang mga tao na hindi naman siya kilala?

I just… wanted to shield him from everyone’s judgment. But I would be a big hypocrite. Because wasn’t I the very reason why he’s here, basically admitting to all his crimes?

“Your Honor, I’m establishing the witness’s background and potential motivations,” kalmadong sagot ni Iñigo.

“I’ll allow it. The witness may answer.”

Lui threw me a quick look—as if he was trying to assure me that everything’s fine, that everything’s still under control… kahit na siya iyong nasa witness stand sa aming dalawa.

“I decided that law was a better fit for my personal interests and goals,” sagot niya.

“During your time in law school, you became friends with some of the members of the Villamontes family, didn’t you?”

“Yes, we were acquainted,” maingat na sagot ni Lui.

But Iñigo wasn’t done. “More than acquainted, Mr. Valladares. You were close friends, weren’t you?”

Naka-tingin lang si Lui. Kalmado pa rin. Iniisip ang bawat salita na sasabihin niya. “We were friends, yes.”

Dahan-dahang tumango si Iñigo. Wala siyang hawak na kung anumang papel. Kabisado lahat ng sasabihin at itatanong niya.

“And now you’re testifying against their family. Isn’t that a convenient turn of events?”

“Objection, Your Honor,” mabilis na sabi ko. “Argumentative.”

I kept on reminding myself that Iñigo’s merely doing his job… but it’s so fucking hard to be rational when I was watching him with my very eyes as he tried to lay down the bricks on the road where he’d run Lui over.

“Sustained. Rephrase your question, Counselor,” the judge said, agreeing with my objection.

Nakita ko ang pagtango ni Iñigo. Bahagya siyang lumingon at mabilis na tumingin sa akin. Nakita ko na napa-tingin din si Lui sa gawi ko.

Of course.

Of course he’d use this argument.

“Mr. Valladares, let’s talk about your relationship with the prosecuting attorney. You two were in a relationship before this trial, weren’t you?”

“Yes, we dated briefly.”

“And you broke up?” tanong ni Iñigo. Bahagyang napa-kunot ang noo ko. How did he know na nagbreak kami? We never really told anyone about it… o baka alam din ng mga Villamontes? Alam ba talaga nila lahat ng nangyayari sa buhay ko?

“Yes, we did.”

“But now you’re back together, isn’t that right?”

“Our personal life is not relevant to this case.”

“Very well,” sabi ni Iñigo. “I’ll rephrase. Are you currently in a relationship with the prosecuting attorney?”

“Objection, Your Honor. This line of questioning is irrelevant and intended to harass the witness,” mabilis na sabi ko.

“Your Honor, the witness’s relationship with the prosecutor goes directly to his credibility and potential bias,” mabilis na sagot ni Iñigo.

“I’ll allow it, but tread carefully, Counselor.”

Lui threw me another look. I hated that he’s the one comforting me and assuring me kahit na siya iyong nasa witness stand. I gripped on my pen tighter. I needed to hold it together better—if not for me, then for Lui.

“Yes, we are currently in a relationship,” Lui stated.

“Mr. Valladares, isn’t it true that you’re lying on the stand today to curry favor with your girlfriend, the prosecuting attorney?”

“Objection, Your Honor! This is outrageous!” I said, standing up.

“Sustained. Counselor, that’s enough. Move on,” the judge said sternly.

“Mr. Valladares, you claim you were present at a meeting where a murder was planned, yet you didn’t report it to the authorities. Why?”

My jaw clenched.

Yeah… it is hard not to take this personally.

“As I said earlier, I didn’t think they would actually go through with it,” kalmado pa ring sagot ni Lui. I hated that I couldn’t be as calm as him… or maybe he was being calm because he could see me losing it. Because for some reason, Lui can always read what was on my mind… he knows what I am feeling before I could even figure it out myself.

“So, you’re admitting that you had knowledge of a potential crime and did nothing?”

“Objection, Your Honor. The witness has already explained his reasons,” mabilis na sagot ko. He’s not trying to get Lui to perjure himself!

“Overruled. The witness may answer.”

“As I stated earlier, at the time, I didn’t believe the plans discussed would actually be carried out. My assessment of the situation, while ultimately incorrect, was based on my understanding of the individuals involved and the context of the conversation.”

Iñigo cocked his head to the side. “A convenient explanation, Mr. Valladares. Are you aware that failing to report a serious crime could make you an accessory?”

I couldn’t even draw the breath that I badly needed. “Objection, Your Honor! Counsel is badgering the witness and attempting to incriminate him!”

“Sustained. Watch your step, Counselor.”

“Mr. Valladares, I’ll ask you directly: Are you lying under oath to protect yourself from potential criminal charges?”

Fuck you, Iñigo.

“No, I am not lying,” Lui calmly responded.

“So, if you’re not lying, then you must have been involved in the transaction you’re testifying about. Are you aware that such involvement would make you criminally liable?”

“Objection, Your Honor! This is an improper attempt to intimidate the witness!”

“Sustained. Counselor, you’re treading on thin ice,” the judge warned him… but with that look on his face, I knew that he was far from done.

“Mr. Valladares, could you please explain the purpose of your presence at the location in question?”

“I was invited to the meeting as a family friend and business associate.”

“Given your presence at the scene, would it be reasonable to infer your participation in the premeditation or conspiracy to commit the alleged offense?”

“Objection, Your Honor! This question calls for speculation and assumes facts not in evidence.”

“Sustained. Rephrase your question, Counselor.”

Iñigo nodded. He was not facing me. He was focused on Lui. Was this the plan? To get him to incriminate himself? To drag him down? Because if we’d drag that damned family to hell, they wanted to take him with them, too?

Did Lui know about this?

And despite that, he agreed to be on the stand?

“Mr. Valladares, as a member of the BAR, you’re undoubtedly familiar with the legal elements constituting conspiracy. In light of this knowledge, how do you reconcile your presence with the circumstances surrounding this case?”

“Objection, Your Honor! The question is compound and argumentative,” I once again called. Lui wasn’t even the one in trial, but with the way Iñigo was asking his questions, parang si Lui pa ang may kasalanan ng lahat!

“Overruled. The witness may answer.”

“My presence at the meeting doesn’t imply participation in any conspiracy,” dahan-dahang sagot ni Lui. “As I’ve stated, I didn’t believe the plans discussed would be carried out, which is why I didn’t report it immediately. I now recognize that was a mistake.”

“A mistake? Mr. Valladares, you’re a trained lawyer. You know that mere presence during the planning of a crime can implicate you. Are you saying you were willfully ignorant, or were you an active participant?”

“Objection, Your Honor! Counsel is badgering the witness and asking him to incriminate himself.”

“Sustained. Counselor, tread carefully.”

Iñigo didn’t move nor said a word. “Mr. Valladares, let me be direct. Are you testifying today to save yourself from prosecution, or are you lying to protect your relationship with the prosecutor?”

“Objection! This is outrageous, Your Honor!”

“Sustained. Counselor, that’s enough. Move on or we’ll take a recess.”

“Your Honor, I’d like to make one final point regarding the witness’s testimony.

“Make it brief, Counselor.”

“Mr. Valladares, isn’t it true that your entire testimony today has been nothing more than a self-serving attempt to distance yourself from any wrongdoing?”

“Objection, Your Honor! Argumentative and asked and answered.”

“Overruled. I’ll allow it. The witness may answer.”

Fuck.

“I understand how it might appear, but—”

“It appears that you’re either complicit or lying, Mr. Valladares. Which is it?”

“Objection! Counsel is not allowing the witness to answer.”

“Sustained. Counselor, allow the witness to respond.”

Lui looked at me once more as if he was reminding me to breathe. “As I was saying, I understand how it might appear, but my inaction was based on disbelief, not complicity.”

“Disbelief? From a trained lawyer? Mr. Valladares, isn’t it the case that your entire testimony today is merely a calculated effort to exonerate yourself while simultaneously ingratiating yourself with the prosecution?”

“Objection, Your Honor! This line of questioning is harassment.”

“Overruled. The witness may answer.”

“No, that’s not true. I’m here to ensure justice is served.”

“Justice? Or to save yourself? Your Honor, I move to have Mr. Valladares’ testimony stricken from the record as it is clearly self-serving and lacks any credibility.”

“Your Honor, I object in the strongest possible terms. Mr. Valladares has provided crucial testimony about a serious crime. The defense’s attempts to discredit him are baseless and desperate.”

“The motion to strike is denied, Counselor. However, the court will take note of your objections to the witness’s credibility. Do you have any further questions?”

“Just one, Your Honor. Mr. Valladares, given your admitted presence at the planning of a serious crime and your failure to report it, are you prepared to face potential charges yourself?”

“Objection! This is another attempt to intimidate the witness!”

“Sustained. Attorney. Borromeo, that’s enough.”

Iñigo and Lui were staring at each other—no one’s letting up. “No further questions, Your Honor.”

**

This story is already at Chapter 64 patreon.com/beeyotch. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories. You can also join the patreon facebook group. You can email beeyotchpatreon@gmail.com for assistance :) Thank you!

Chapter 57

Chapter 57

“I am good,” I had to tell Lui. He was holding me tightly… like he knew for sure that I’d go attack Iñigo like some mad woman. I could—I definitely could. It would probably feel nice… but I would never do that. Nothing good would ever result from that.

‘Trabaho lang,’ I kept on reminding myself.

Besides, being a woman, they’d probably call me unstable kapag ginawa ko ’yon. I wouldn’t give them any ammunition they could use against me.

Tahimik kaming naglakad palabas ng korte ni Lui. We were surrounded by our security, but for some reason, there was this nagging voice inside me… I kept on looking around. What was I even waiting for? Na hulihin si Lui ng mga pulis? Because of what? The questions Iñigo presented during the cross-examination?

Ramdam ko iyong panonood ni Lui sa akin habang nasa loob kami ng sasakyan. Naka-tingin lang ako sa mga tao sa labas. May mga media doon; may mga nagwewelga. This was the news of the month—or maybe I was just being too hopeful and generous. Baka sa isang linggo lang ay malimutan na rin nila ’to. Kasi may bago na namang balita.

Sometimes, I wish the general public’s attention wasn’t so fickle.

But I guess that’s a way to cope.

Baka sabay-sabay tayong mamatay sa depression kung iisipin natin lahat ng problema at masamang mga bagay na nangyayari sa mundo.

Hanggang makarating kami sa condo ay wala pa ring nagsasalita. But I knew that Lui wanted to talk to me—or to at least say something… pero ramdam din niya na ayokong makipag-usap.

“Tali,” he called when we were finally inside the unit.

I didn’t ignore him—I just chose to walk towards the ref and get myself a glass of water. I needed a drink. Biglang nagbago ang isip ko at saka kumuha ako ng baso at inilabas iyong bote ng whiskey na naka-tago sa may cabinet. I tried to stop drinking—but it was probably stupid. The nature of my job and the stress that came with it was forcing me to drink.

“Gusto mo?” I asked Lui because he was still watching me.

“The cross went fine,” he said as if he was reassuring me.

Instead of replying, I downed the glass of whiskey. Ramdam ko iyong init niya sa lalamunan ko. Only if the effect were instant. I needed to forget. Even for just a fucking minute. I needed to rest my mind because all the possibilities swirling inside my head was making my head spin.

“You did well,” he said. He walked towards me. He got the glass from my hand that I didn’t even realize I was gripping tightly. “You did great, Tali,” he continued. His voice was so gentle like I was some fragile figurine that he needed to be gentle with.

“Can we please not, Lui?”

I knew I fucked up.

We both knew that this would happen, but as it was happening, only then did I feel the gravity of the situation.

Madadamay si Lui.

Idadamay nila si Lui.

And… I was letting him.

Was it worth it?

Getting what I wanted?

But losing who I needed?

“No,” he said. “We already wasted a lot of time not talking—we’re talking. Now. We’re talking now.”

I looked at him.

I felt my chest tightening.

I felt my eyes blurring.

He was here right in front of me, but it felt like I was slowly losing grip of him.

I saw the panic in his eyes as my vision of him started to blurry. I felt his hands cupping my face and once again wiping the tears that just stubbornly kept on falling.

“After this, they’re gonna go after you,” I said as the tears just kept on falling. “They’ll try to pin this down on you, Lui. I know they’ll do that.”

Wasn’t that the reason kung bakit ganoon ang mga tanong ni Iñigo? They knew that we had a strong case that’s why they’re trying to ruin Lui’s credibility by forcing the assumption that he’s just as criminally liable.

Hindi ako maka-hinga.

But it was like Lui could read my mind and told me to breathe.

“Why… aren’t you scared?” I asked him. Why was he the one reassuring me? Kahit sa aming dalawa, siya iyong may tyansa na mapunta sa kulungan?

Did he just give up?

Did he just accept defeat?

Would he really go to jail just to give me what I wanted?

But I didn’t want that.

I wanted him to be selfish.

I wanted him to stay free.

I fell in love with him regardless.

“Because we both can’t be scared,” he replied. He was staring into my eyes. He swiped the tear the fell. “Look, I know that you’re scared, but you did well—”

“I didn’t—”

“You did,” he said, cutting me off. “Fifteen objections—nine of them were sustained.”

Umiling ako. “Not enough.”

“It was for me.”

“Iñigo—”

“Is just doing his job,” he said, cutting me off once more. “Let’s think rationally now, hmm?” he continued. His hands were now on the both sides of my waist. “I am not on trial. Iñigo’s questions were irrelevant—”

“No, they’re not,” mabilis na sagot ko. “You can be charged next!”

“We’ll cross the bridge when we get there—”

“What? No!”

“Tali—”

I pushed him away. I grabbed the glass once again and poured myself another drink. I almost spilled everything dahil sa panginginig ng kamay ko. I kept on thinking about Lui being in jail… And if he’s in jail, he’d sure—

No.

I didn’t even want to go there.

I couldn’t go there.

I’d completely lose my mind.

“Tali, it’s done,” sabi niya. “You need to examine Villamontes next—”

“Do you honestly think he’d agree to testify?” I sarcastically said. He knew damn well that I’d fucking bury him alive kapag naisipan niyang lumapit man lang sa witness stand.

“He will,” Lui said. I looked at his face. He was serious.

“How did you know?”

“Because you and I both know that our case is strong—and at this point, it’s got to be his word against ours.”

Marahas akong umiling. “He’d lie even under oath,” mabilis na sagot ko. “Do you honestly think that that animal is above perjuring himself?”

“If he did, then better for us. You’ve seen our annex. You can refute whatever lie he’d tell—bury him so deep na magsasama na sila ni Arthur.”

Hindi pa rin ako nagsalita.

Muling lumapit sa akin si Lui.

“I’ll be fine.”

He said those words as he was standing right in front of me. Like he wanted me to hear the words and see him. That he’s here… that he’s still here.

But until when?

“Can you promise me that?” tanong ko sa kanya. “Na hindi ka madadamay sa kaso? Na hindi ka makukulong? Na hindi ka rin nila ipapa-disbar?”

“I promise.”

But why couldn’t I believe him?

Why did his words sound like lies?

“It’s gonna be fine,” he repeated his lies. “You’ll cross-examine Reynaldo. He’ll most probably lie. You’ll catch his every lie. We’ll win this case.”

“And you’ll be free… and alive.”

He laughed but nothing’s funny.

“Yes,” he said. “Plus, orange isn’t really my color.”

I just stared at him. “Mukha ba akong nasa mood makipagbiruan?”

But Lui just smiled and wrapped his arms around me. He pulled me closer and breathed so deeply like he was just trying to breathe me in.

“Tali,” he called.

“What?”

“Baby,” he said.

Hindi ako nakapagsalita.

He just kept on calling me baby until somehow, I he managed to calm me down.

---

I couldn’t sleep.

I kept on having nightmares.

I kept on seeing Lui in prison.

I was losing my mind.

I tried to focus my attention on planning my line of questioning para sa cross ko kay Villamontes. I didn’t think Iñigo would allow that… Because if I were in his position, I wouldn’t allow that. It would do him more harm than good lalo na kung alam mo na guilty ang kliyente mo…

But then, maybe he’d just perjure himself.

Or appeal to emotion of the public.

Gain sympathy.

Baka sa susunod ay naka-stretcher na rin siya dumating sa korte.

But Lui was so sure na papayag si Iñigo…

Did Lui know something that he wasn’t telling me? Nag-usap ba sila ni Iñigo? Pero kung nag-usap sila—

Did Lui purposely let himself get dragged in the middle of the case? Alam niya ba ganon ang mga itatanong sa kanya? Alam niya ba na pilit siyang isasama bilang co-conspirator?

God, I was really losing my mind.

Gusto kong tanungin si Lui, pero alam ko na magsisinungaling lang siya sa akin. Gusto kong tawagan si Iñigo, pero alam ko na kung meron man silang usapan, hindi pa rin niya sasabihin sa akin.

I felt like I was backed into a corner and either way, I’d still lose…

I’d win… but I’d still lose.

Mula sa veranda, muli akong pumasok sa unit. I grabbed my wallet. May convenience store sa ibaba ng condo. I just really needed a smoke. Hindi naman siguro ako itutumba ngayon.

At this point, I’d take my chances.

Tahimik akong lumabas sa unit. Lui was still sleeping. He was sleeping soundly. I envied him dahil hindi ako makatulog sa kaka-isip ng mangyayari sa kanya.

Pumasok ako sa loob ng convenience store. I told the cashier that I’d buy a pack of cigarette nang mapunta iyong mga mata ko sa mga condom na naka-display doon.

It was like I stopped breathing.

Fuck.

I bought a pregnancy test instead. 

**

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Chapter 58

Chapter 58

I badly wanted to smoke… but I couldn’t.

Kasi paano kung buntis ako?

Fuck.

Was I being reckless all this time? Putting myself in danger? And this… unborn child? Paano kung buntis nga talaga ako? Ano ang gagawin ko? Do I just give up this case? But I didn’t want to. This wasn’t just about me—

‘Yes, this isn’t about you now… kung buntis ka.’

Fuck.

Who knew three minutes could feel like a lifetime?

Kanina pa ako naka-tayo sa harap ng sink. Nasa common CR ako sa lobby ng condo. Ni hindi ako maka-balik sa unit. What if buntis nga ako? What if makita ako ni Lui? I knew that he’d quickly figure out that something’s wrong. I needed to figure things out first bago niya ako makita. I needed to know kung—

Fuck.

I felt like my heart dropped to my stomach when I saw two faint lines start to appear on the stick. I didn’t want to believe what I was seeing… but then the other two sticks I bought showed me the same thing.

I kept on staring at the results… pero hindi ko alam kung bakit. I was staring at them like I was waiting for them to tell me how I should feel. Because all I could feel was this hollow pit in my stomach.

Should I feel happy?

I should… right? After all, it’s Lui’s.

I love him.

I loved him then and I still love him now—I’ve been loving him for a long time already that loving him is already ingrained in my being. I knew that I would love him for the rest of my life.

But I couldn’t feel that happiness that I should be feeling.

Because I knew that this would change things.

I didn’t know how long I’d been staring at the positive results nang biglang tumunog iyong cellphone ko. Halos tumalon iyong puso ko palabas ng dibdib ko… lalo na nang makita ko iyong pangalan ni Lui sa screen.

I drew a deep breath. I knew I should answer this. Mag-aalala siya kapag hindi ako sumagot—lalo pa ngayon na bigla na lang akong lumabas ng walang pasabi sa kanya. Hindi ko rin naman alam na magbabago pala ang buhay ko dahil lang naisipan kong lumabas ngayon.

But I couldn’t bring myself to answer the call. I was afraid that my voice would shake the moment that I hear his voice and I hear him asking kung nasaan ako. Instead, I sent him a message saying na pabalik na rin ako.

I debated if I should just throw the tests away… but I didn’t. Lui was right—we already spent years not communicating. We shouldn’t do that again—especially now that apparently, we’re having a child together.

I felt so bad.

I couldn’t feel the happiness that I should be feeling.

---

Lui didn’t even have to voice out his displeasure. Pagbukas ko pa lang ng pinto ay kita ko na agad iyong malalim na kunot sa noo niya. Why did he even wake up? Madaling araw pa rin. In his sleep, did he unconsciously reach for me at nagising siya nung maramdaman niya na wala ako? Or did he feel the weight that was weighing me heavy and that woke him up from his slumber?

“Where were you?” he asked.

“May binili lang.”

Tumingin siya sa kamay ko na walang hawak. As if he was asking me kung nasaan ang binili ko. As if he was trying to catch me in a lie.

Tumingin ako sa kanya. Huminga ulit ako nang malalim. I should tell him this. I would tell him this. This is something that we should both decide on.

But I couldn’t find the words to begin with. Instead, I reached in my pocket and I instantly felt the three positive pregnancy tests that I wrapped inside layers of tissue paper.

“I wanted to smoke kaya bumaba ako para bumili,” I said as I began to tell him exactly what happened. “But then I saw condoms on the counter. And then I remembered that the first time we had sex again, we didn’t use any,” I continued. I saw how Lui was quickly realizing what I was trying to say. But I couldn’t stop talking as if it was some defensive mechanism—or some way to try to rationalize and make me believe that this was really happening.

“Are you—” he stopped and then paused. “Are we—” He paused again like he was afraid that if he said the words out loud, they would make it come true.

I looked at him.

I nodded.

I watched every single change of expression on his face. I saw fear. I understood his fear. I shared his fear.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve been more careful,” I told him. What was I even thinking? Alam ko na delikado iyong kaso na hawak namin. Alam ko na tuwing lalabas ako, nasa bingit ako ng kamatayan. What was I thinking when I had unprotected sex with Lui? And also did nothing after the fact? That was so irresponsible and reckless.

Lui was looking at me, the crease on his forehead just deepened even more. “What? Why are you apologizing?”

“Because now is not the time—”

“And I agree. The timing could be better, but don’t apologize for it,” he said, quickly cutting me off like he didn’t even want to hear my apology.

Naka-tingin lang ako kay Lui.

It was like I was taken back to the time when we were together in Bali… When I trusted him and I let him lead and make the decisions. Because I knew that I could count on him and he’d never purposely do anything to hurt me.

Because when I look at him, I knew that he will do anything for me.

“What do you want to do?” I asked him.

“What do you want to do?” he asked back.

“I don’t know.”

“Do you want to keep the baby?” he asked.

“Do you?” I asked back.

Lui stared right into my eyes. “This is ultimately your decision, Tali. Don’t ask me.”

Mariin akong umiling. “I won’t do this alone.”

“When did I tell you that you’ll do this alone?” he asked, his jaw slightly clenched with the allegation that he would abandon me. “Whatever you decide to do, I’ll do it with you. But you decide on what you want to happen.”

I felt my chest tightening. Why did I have to decide? Why did I have to be the selfish one kung gusto ko pa ring ituloy iyong kaso kahit alam ko na delikado? Why did I have to be the traitor if I decide to pull back despite promising that I’ll seek justice for everyone who’ve been wronged?

Why was the burden on me?

“You decide,” I told him.

Lui looked at me like he was trying to read my thoughts… but did he even have to try? “You want to keep the baby,” he said. “But you also want to continue the case.”

I pursed my lips together.

Because he was right.

I wanted it—I wanted them both.

I wanted to have this family with him, but I also wanted to give closure to the families that have been destroyed by that family. Hindi ba pwede na makuha ko iyong dalawa kong gusto?

I had to sit down. I sat on the couch. I hugged my knees close to my chest and laid my head on top of them. Naramdaman ko si Lui na naupo sa tabi ko.

“That’s what you want, right?” he asked.

I didn’t even have to answer. He’s right—he knew me and what I wanted. With him, I didn’t even need to say anything.

“We can do that,” he said.

Agad na napa-tingin ako sa kanya. “Paano?”

“I’ll need you to leave,” he said.

“What? No!”

Agad na napa-tayo ako. Lui gently pulled me down again. He made me stay like he needed me to be there and to listen to whatever foolishness he has to say.

“Hindi ako aalis,” I quickly told him.

“Tali—”

“I am not leaving. This is not up for discussion!”

Lui grabbed me by my shoulders and made me face him. His face was very calm opposite to the turmoil that was my mind. It was like, once again, he was forced to be calm because someone had to be calm between us.

“Tali,” he called, his voice gentle. “You’re pregnant,” he said like I needed to be reminded.

And when he said that, it felt like it was only then did I finally realize that I am pregnant.

“This is not just about you anymore. If you can care this much about other people, imagine how destroyed you’d be if something happens to our baby,” he continued as he held my hands and softly caressed his thumbs on the top of my hands.

I knew he was right, but I couldn’t bring myself to agree with him. It felt like there was a lump on my throat and I was just willingly letting him talk for me. Kasi kilala niya ako. Kasi alam niya ang nasa isip ko. Kasi alam niya kung ano ang gusto ko.

“You’ll leave and go be with your family,” he said.

“Iiwan kita dito?” I asked and as I said the words, tears began to fall. And when they began to fall, they wouldn’t stop falling.

Lui let go of my hands and cupped my face. There was a smile on his face as he wiped the tears desperately.

“Why are you crying like you won’t see me again kapag umalis ka?” he asked. I hated that he was smiling. I hated it because I felt like he was just trying to make me feel better… Like he wanted to smile on front of me because this would be my last memory of him.

I hated this.

Why was it so hard to just be happy?

Why couldn’t I just be selfish and choose to be happy?

I just kept on crying as I grabbed on to the hem of his shirt. I held on to it tightly like he would disappear if I ever let go.

“I’ll win this case for you. I promised you that, remember?”

“You promised to stay alive, as well,” I said as I struggled to breathe.

“That, too,” he said as he pulled me close and wrapped me around his arms. I felt his hug. I felt it because he was hugging me so tight that he was probably afraid that I’d vanish.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

Weren’t we supposed to be celebrating?

Why did it feel like the opposite?

“I’ll find someone else to handle the case,” he said as he was stroking my back.

“No one is as good as me,” I told him.

I felt him laughing. “Of course,” he replied. “No one is as good as you… whoever will replace you will have to step up the game,” he continued as he kept on stroking my back until I felt myself falling asleep.

Lui probably thought that I was asleep.

I was.

“Hi,” I heard him quietly say as I felt his hand on top of my stomach. I felt his eyes on me kahit naka-pikit ang mga mata ko. “Change of plans,” he said to whoever he was talking to on the phone.  

**

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Chapter 59

Chapter 59

I wanted to take it as if it was the universe intervening .

I already knew that Lui was up to something… I just didn’t know for sure. Pero ngayon? Alam ko na talaga na may pina-plano siya. I finally heard it myself.

Change of plans?

In the first place, what was the plan?

I knew I could just ask him—but I also knew that he’d just lie to me… or at least feed me some half-truths.

I could ask Mauro and Achilles… but knowing Lui, he wouldn’t tell those two, as well. I knew that we’re working with them, but I also knew that they didn’t trust each other. So, no, he wouldn’t tell them what he’s actually up to.

He gave me no choice but to invade his privacy—because I’d rather do that than to just wake up one day—fuck. I couldn’t even bring myself to think it. Pakiramdam ko ay kapag mas sinabi at mas inisip ko, mas lalo lang siyang mangyayari.

It took me a whole fucking week to know kung sino ang kausap niya. It was so hard to figure out kung ano iyong plano na sinasabi niya dahil halos hindi naman siya umaalis sa tabi ko. Naisip ko na kung anuman iyong plano na ’yon, it was already pre-determined… Like they already knew that this could happen. And they already planned out the steps.

All Lui needed to do was to say the word.

And he did.

But I guess I was desperate—to the point wherein I’d do anything just to figure out kung ano iyong plano na sinasabi niya. Even if I had to resort to sleeping with him and purposely tiring him out para lang makuha ko iyong cellphone niya—iyong cellphone niya na laging naka-dikit sa kanya nitong mga nakaraang araw.

It was easy to figure out his password when he’s always around me. I did check his call-log para tignan kung sino iyong kausap niya nung mismong araw at oras na ’yon. His log was wiped off for that day like he knew na gagawin ko ang ginagawa ko ngayon. I checked his inbox. There were a lot of unopened messages on his phone. I tried a couple of key words before I finally figured out kung sino ang kausap niya.

“Can’t say that I’m surprised,” I said nang magkaharap kami ni Iñigo.

It was like… in the movies.

We’re here in some underground parking lot in the middle of the night, taking refuge in a heavily tinted parked car like this would save us kung bigla na lang kaming makita ng mga Villamontes.

“Alam ba ni Lui?”

I looked at him. “What do you think?” I asked. My tone wasn’t the nicest, I knew, but we didn’t exactly meet under the best circumstances.

Iñigo pressed his lips.

“What’s the plan?” I asked him. I didn’t have any time to waste. Isang linggo na lang, tatawagin na ulit iyong bagong witness. Lui did tell me na tatawagin sa witness stand si Villamontes… but then again, he did say that the plan has changed…

So, what now?

Iñigo didn’t say a word. Normally, I’d wait. But I wasn’t exactly in the waiting mood—I didn’t know if it was because of the fear or because of the hormones. Either way, it was because of Lui.

“I’m pregnant,” I told him.

I knew what happened before.

I heard the stories.

I mean, who wouldn’t? It was a huge story at that time—it still is. Iñigo, the BAR topnotcher of his batch, who not only lost the case of the year, but also lost his unborn child.

I knew that his fraternity sabotaged his career. For the longest time, he couldn’t get a position in a reputable firm despite his credentials. It was only when he built his own firm did his career began to recover. Kaya naiintindihan ko kahit papaano kung bakit hawak niya ’yong kaso na ’to.

Trabaho lang—ilang beses ko ng narinig ’yan at sinabi rin sa sarili ko.

Pero ngayon? Hindi na lang ’to trabaho.

So, if it means that I needed to blackmail Iñigo—to use this pregnancy card against him, as cruel as it may be, then so be it.

At this point, nothing’s off the table.

“This happened to you before—will you seriously let it happen again?” I asked, staring right into his eyes so that he knew that I really meant it.

I knew I promised Lui that I’d leave… but not now.

Not when this was starting to feel like suicide mission on his end.

“Tali—”

“Cut the crap, Iñigo,” I cut him off. “Alam ko na nag-uusap kayo ni Lui. You probably already know na sinabihan niya ako na umalis ng Pilipinas. Well, newsflash—I won’t leave. I won’t. He has to physically drag me to get me to leave. So, now, tell me what’s the plan.”

I stared at him.

And waited.

Because at this point, what choice did I have? I tried to check Lui’s phone but there was no trace of whatever the plan was. I knew that I couldn’t drag it out of Lui even if it killed me, so I had no choice but to emotionally manipulate it out of Iñigo.

But he still wasn’t talking talking.

“Tatawagin mo ba si Villamontes sa witness stand?” I asked. I felt like I had to pull out all the answers from him. It was starting to make me feel like I probably should’ve went to his wife to get all the answers to my question. And I probably would kapag hindi niya pa rin sinabi sa akin ngayon.

Tumango lang siya.

“He’d definitely perjure himself,” I said. “Then I will refute and debunk his every statement,” I continued because we already have evidence regarding this.

Iñigo looked at me like he’d rather be anywhere else but here. “He’s already tying up loose ends,” sabi niya.

Napa-kunot ang noo ko. “You mean… he’s killing more people?” I asked because what else would that mean? When he’s talking about someone who’d commit a whole fucking massacre para lang pagtakpan ang isang kriminal.

“Amongst other things,” sagot ni Iñigo.

I pursed my lips together. “Fine. Then, what?” I asked. If he’s killing more people, then I guess I’d just have to charge him for those, too.

I hated this.

Bakit ba may mga tao na kagaya niya na basta na lang tratuhin ang buhay ng mga tao?

“Tali—”

“Out with it,” I said, cutting him off. “Don’t force me to involve your wife, Iñigo. Because at this point, wala na akong sasantuhin.”

He looked at me and I knew that he knew I meant it.

I didn’t want to, but what choice did I fucking have?

“I’ll call Lui again in the witness stand,” Iñigo said. Bahagyang napa-kunot ang noo ko. “I knew— he knew—that the only way to get this case closed is if he’d admit to being a part of the conspiracy. Because if he admits to it, then the conspiracy becomes a reality. And it will be an incontrovertible fact that Villamontes is criminally liable.”

“No—”

“We discussed this, Tali—”

“Discussed what? Kung paano siya makukulong? Bullshit. Bakit kailangang makulong si Lui?”

“I’d try to get him less time—”

“Fuck you,” mabilis na sabi ko sa kanya. “Kung si Cha kaya ang ipakulong ko kahit minimum lang, papayag ka?”

I saw his jaw clenched. I knew I hit a nerve, but he just told me na itatapon niya sa kulungan si Lui. Did he expect me to what? Thank him?!

“The difference is that Cha never committed any crime, Tali,” kalmado pero seryoso niyang sagot. “You know—even Lui knows—na may ginawa talaga siyang mali. Kahit ikaw alam mo. Involved si Lui. He may not have directly done anything, but he was there, Tali. Kaya nga siya iyong star witness mo, ’di ba? Kasi alam niya lahat. Kasi nandon siya. Kasi kasama siya.”

Diretsong naka-tingin sa akin si Iñigo na para bang gusto niyang idikdik sa utak ko iyong mga sasabihin niya.

“Just because you love him doesn’t make him a saint, Tali,” he said. “He participated in a crime—that’s a fact that can easily be proven in the court of law.”

I felt my chest tightening.

No.

I wouldn’t have this.

I knew Lui wasn’t exactly a saint… but to be in jail for something that Villamontes did? How was that fair?!

“Don’t you think I don’t know that?” sagot ko sa kanya. “But he shouldn’t even be in jail! Why should he be in jail instead of your client?!”

Iñigo was looking at me like he was trying to understand where I was coming from. I guess he could. But it’s been years for him. I am here now.

“Ano? Bigla na lang siyang tinubuan ng konsensya?”

“Because this is the easiest and fastest way to close this case—”

“Says who?”

“You know we’re right.”

“No.”

“You know it’s guilt beyond reasonable doubt in criminal cases, Tali. You know it’s hard to prove this case—lalo na ngayon na—” he said and then stopped. He couldn’t even bring himself to say that his client’s out in a fucking killing spree and what? He expects me to just be okay na si Lui ang papalit sa kanya sa kulungan?

“No,” I said as I looked into his eyes. “No,” I repeated.

“Tali—”

“Oh, fuck you, Iñigo,” I told him. “And fuck Lui. Fuck you both,” I said. There’s no way I’d let Lui be stupid and willingly throw himself in jail.

Because if that’s what he wanted, I would’ve happily thrown him there before! Not now when we’re having a whole fucking child! God, I couldn’t believe that his child made him an idiot!

“You and I both know that what wins in court becomes the truth. Once he does this, he’ll be in jail. It’ll follow him forever. He’ll lose his license.”

I couldn’t let Lui do that.

I couldn’t let him spend even a day in jail.

I couldn’t let him ruin his name.

No.

Not in my fucking watch.

“You know that’s not true—you and I know about all the people thrown in jail dahil lang wala silang matinong abogado. We know about the innocent people rotting in jail, doing undeserved time, dahil lang magaling magdelay iyong kalaban nila.”

“What’s the sense of being innocent kung nabubulok ka lang din naman sa bilangguan?” I said. “And that’s not gonna be Lui,”

“Tali—”

“No,” I said, cutting him off, as I unlocked the door on his side. “Prepare Villamontes. I will see you next week. Tell him that he can bury all the body that he wants—I’ll just have to bring a fucking shovel.”

**

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Chapter 60

Chapter 60

Instead of going back to the condo, mas inuna kong pumunta kina Achilles. I did call him to tell him na papunta na ako doon. He asked me kung tungkol saan ang pag-uusapan namin. I told him that it’s probably better kung hindi maririnig ni Mauro iyong usapan namin.

So, here we are, in a fucking playground. Kaming dalawa lang ang tao dito dahil madaling araw na. It was cold. Wala akong dalang jacket. Achilles gave me the jacket he was wearing. I thanked him.

“Achilles,” I called. Naka-tingin siya sa ’kin. “I’m pregnant.”

“How should I respond?” he asked.

“You can congratulate me,” I told him.

He gave me a small nod. “Congrats,” sabi niya.

“Thank you,” I replied with a small smile.

I want this baby. I really do. But I also know that I want to keep this baby’s father safe. I didn’t want to raise this baby alone. Hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko gusto. Kung may mangyaring masama kay Lui, I knew deep down in my soul that I would—

No, let’s not even go there, Tali.

Hindi makukulong si Lui.

“I’m here because I need your help,” I told him. “I know I’m asking for a lot already.”

“It’s fine,” he replied. “Ano’ng kailangan mo sa ’kin?”

I drew a deep breath before I told him about the conversation I had with Iñigo earlier. Tahimik na nakikinig lang sa akin si Achilles. I knew that I made the right decision by going here. Achilles and I, we’re both in the same boat. Alam ko na gagawin niya lahat para kay Mauro. Kung may makaka-intindi man sa gagawin ko, siya ’yon.

“He’s lost his mind, don’t you agree?” sabi ko nang matapos ako sa pagku-kwento.

Bahagya siyang umiling. “Not at all,” sabi niya. “I think this is the first admirable thing he did in his life.”

Bahagyang napaawang iyong labi ko. Wow… they really do not like each other.

“I understand why he wants to do that. I also understand where you’re coming from.”

Humigpit iyong hawak ko sa hawakan ng swing. “Ni hindi mo pa nga alam iyong gagawin ko.”

“Something illegal,” he said.

Napa-tingin ako sa gawi niya. “What?”

“I’ve considered that,” sabi niya. “I’ve considered doing a lot of things because of this case. Iyong mga bagay na kapag narinig ni Mauro, iisipin niya na nagbago na ako. I’ve always been a stickler for rules—just do as the law says and abide by it. But how can we win if the people we’re going against do not have any rules they follow?”

I let out the breath that I’d been holding in.

“I don’t want to do this,” I said.

“End justifies the means.”

I let out a worried chuckle. “Shouldn’t it be the end doesn’t justify the means? “

“Not when you’re dealing with the Villamontes, no,” he said. “It’s like… doing bad things for good reasons.”

“I don’t know you very well, pero parang sasabihin ko rin iyong sinabi ni Mauro na nagbago ka na.”

“Hindi ba ikaw din?” balik-tanong niya. “Would the old you consider doing anything that’s not by the books?”

Hindi agad ako naka-sagot.

“Is it more ethical to let them go free? To let them hurt more people?” Achilles asked to my silence that’s been engulfing us.

“You’re talking about compromising everything the justice system stands for.”

Bahagya siyang tumango. “Sure… but sometimes you have to bend the rules to serve true justice.”

Bahagya akong natawa. I can’t believe that we’re talking about this. That they’re so evil that we’re practically being pushed to join the other side just to have a fighting chance to make everything even.

“But the right outcome achieved the wrong way isn’t right at all. It’s a slippery slope….”

“So, we just do our best? Let them win?”

“No,” mahinang sagot ko.

I felt this… pressure on my chest.

Naiisip ko pa lang na nanalo sila.

Na patuloy pa rin iyong mga gagawin nila.

Na walang mananagot sa mga nasira at nawalang buhay.

Na makukulong si Lui.

I held on tighter to the swing as I tilted my head up and looked at the star-less sky. “I can’t believe we’re even considering this.”

Tahimik na tumango si Achilles. “This goes against everything we believe in.”

“Sometimes, doing the right thing means making impossible choices.”

Napa-tingin siya sa akin at bahagyang napa-tawa.

Did we just agree to do something illegal?

In the name of what?

Love?

What a fucking cliche we’d become.

---

I knew for sure that Lui knew about the talk that I had with Iñigo. He didn’t bring up me leaving the country anymore. Good. At least bawas na ’yon sa mga iisipin ko pa.

I didn’t really talk to him during the whole week. I was confined in a room I decided I’d make my work room. I called some people to help me create a whole timeline just to make sure na walang papasok sa mga objection na gagawin ni Iñigo. I’d do my direct; he’d do my cross. I’d probably do a re-direct.

Lui let me be. He’d just randomly pop up to give me food or vitamins. Alam ko rin na lumalabas siya. I also just let him be.

He wanted to be imprisoned.

I wanted him to stop being dumb.

I guess the better lawyer will get what she wants.

And then it’s finally d-day again.

I didn’t think it was even possible na mas dumami pa iyong media, yet here we were.

Para akong mabubulag sa dami ng ilaw na naka-tapat sa amin. Lui was trying his best to keep people away from me. He even almost broke someone’s neck nung matulak ako nang bahagya dahil sa dami ng tao na sinusubukan maka-kuha ng comment mula sa amin.

“Are you okay?” he asked nang maka-pasok na kami sa loob ng Court kung saan off-limits na iyong ibang mga media.

“I’m fine,” I said. I looked at his face. “I’m fine,” I reiterated. I really was fine. Before I delved into this… madness, I had a consultation. I wanted to make sure that I was fine. I was told to keep stress to a minimum. But the only way I’d be stress-free ay kapag sigurado na ako na nasa loob ng kulungan si Villamontes at wala roon si Lui.

I guess, at the end of it all, I was still following the doctor’s order.

Malicious compliance as it may be.

Later on, dumating na rin si Villamontes. Did this motherfucker put on some makeup? Bakit mas mukha na siyang mamamatay ngayon kumpara sa nung huli kaming nagkita?

“The prosecution may call its witness,” the Judge said.

“Thank you, Your Honor,” I said as I stood up. “The People calls Reynaldo Villamontes to the stand.”

I watched as Villamontes was sworn in. Tama nga si Lui sa sinabi niya dati na papayag si Villamontes na matawag bilang witness. Kailan pa kaya sila nag-uusap ni Iñigo? Dati pa? Bago pa magsimula iyong kaso?

I had all the questions I wanted answers to, but they could wait kapag sigurado na ako na makukuha ko iyong mga gusto at kailangan ko.

“Mr. Villamontes, please state your full name and occupation for the record,” I began.

I stared at Villamontes. Did he hire a makeup artist and apply concealer on his face? O talagang hinahatak na siya papunta sa impyerno?

“Reynaldo Antonio Villamontes. I’m a businessman,” he answered, playing safe.

“Mr. Villamontes, can you describe your relationship with Atty. Luisito Ruiz Valladares?”

I didn’t know why I wasn’t nervous this time around. I thought I would be nervous. After all, I had a lot more to lose this time… but I guess it’s all adrenaline. Or pekeng lakas ng loob. Either way, I’d take it.

I’d take it than trembling in fear in front of this monster.

“Atty. Valladares is a family friend and business associate. Our families have had legitimate business dealings for many years.”

“Can you elaborate on the nature of these business dealings?” I asked. I had to deal with Lui’s connection with him. The faster I did this, the quicker I can move on to the other important issues.

“Objection, Your Honor. Relevance?” Iñigo objected, as I expected. Hindi ko pa rin alam kung ano ang eksaktong gustong mangyari ni Iñigo. Was he just playing both fields safely? Perhaps. But not me. I had a specific end game in mind.

“Your Honor, I’m establishing the background of the relationship between the witness and a key prosecution witness,” I quickly argued.

“Objection overruled. The witness may answer, but keep it brief, Mr. Villamontes.”

Okay. Tali, one. Iñigo, zero.

“Our company…” Villamontes answered. He took a few seconds to continue, probably choosing the right words to say. “Our company assists the Valladares family in procuring high-paying clients for their premium medical services. It’s a mutually beneficial, completely legal business arrangement.”

On one hand, he’s right.

He had a way with describing an otherwise very illegal business.

“Mr. Villamontes, were you present at a meeting on October 2nd at your family compound?”

“Yes, I was. It was a routine business meeting, nothing more.”

“Who else was present at this meeting?”

“Several family members and business associates, including Atty. Valladares. All respected members of the business community.”

Good.

He didn’t deny Lui’s presence at that damned meeting. Akala ko talaga ay ide-deny niya ’yon. I had several evidence to back it up in case he tried to deny it. I wondered if Iñigo had a hand in this.

“Mr. Villamontes, Atty. Valladares has testified that during this meeting, there was a discussion about ‘disposing’ of Patricia Santos. However, he has also stated that he did not verbally agree to or participate in any criminal plan. Can you explain the nature of this discussion and Atty. Valladares’ role in it?”

“Objection, Your Honor. The question is compound and calls for speculation.”

“Sustained. Counselor, please rephrase.”

I nodded, and then took in a deep breath. “Mr. Villamontes, was there any discussion about Patricia Santos at this meeting?”

“Absolutely not. Our meetings are strictly about legitimate business matters. We never discussed anything related to a certain Patricia Santos or any illegal activities.”

“Are you denying that you know any Patricia Santos?” I asked him directly. I stood in front of him. I waited for him to confirm or deny. I just needed him to say yes or no.

“I do not know of any Patricia Santos.”

‘Good,’ I whispered in my ear.

“Mr. Villamontes, are you familiar with the case of People v. dela Serna, in which your son, Arthur Villamontes, was accused of rape?”

“Yes, I am aware of that case. It was a false accusation that has since been dropped.”

“Not dropped but never filed because Arthur Villamontes died,” I quickly commented. “Just for the record, Your Honor.”

At least man lang kahit sa transcript ng kaso na ’to, masabi na kaya lang walang naging kaso sa nangyari kay Assia ay dahil namatay agad si Arthur bago pa man siya makasuhan—the ultimate injustice, if you’d ask me.

“Proceed with the questions, Counsel,” sabi ni Judge, but the tone wasn’t berating.

“Your Honor, I’d like to introduce Exhibit R, which is a birth certificate of a child born to Patricia Santos, listing Arthur Villamontes as the father.”

“Objection, Your Honor,” mabilis na sagot ni Iñigo nang mapa-tingin siya sa akin at mapa-kunot ang noo. “This evidence is prejudicial and not directly relevant to the case at hand.”

“Objection overruled. The exhibit is admitted.”

Good.

I drew in another deep breath.

I needed to be in control—Reynaldo Villamontes shouldn’t see through all the bullshit that I was about to pull.

“Mr. Villamontes, were you aware that Patricia Santos had a child with your son Arthur?”

“I was aware of Ms. Santos’ claims, yes. However, paternity has never been legally established.”

“Didn’t you just say that you didn’t know of any Patricia Santos?” I asked.

I saw him panic. He quickly threw Iñigo a look as if he was a child asking to be saved from the big, bad wolf.

But, for the first time, Iñigo didn’t object.

Probably because he didn’t see this birth certificate coming

“Mr. Villamontes, I’d like to direct your attention to Exhibit S, a transcript of a recorded conversation between you and your sibling, Renato Villamontes on October 3rd. In this conversation, you’re quoted as saying, ‘Naayos na ang problema kay Patricia.’ Can you explain what you meant by this statement?” tuluy-tuloy na pagtatanong ko. I just wanted him flustered. I wanted him to feel the fear, the anxiety. I wanted him to feel even just a fraction of the fear that he made his victims feel.

“Objection, Your Honor! This is the first time we’re seeing this evidence!” Iñigo objected vehemently.

I placed my hand on my stomach as if I was trying to get strength. Iniwas ko iyong tingin ko kay Lui. I knew if I did, I’d see the questioning look on his face.

Pero sabi nga ni Achilles, sometimes, you have to do bad things for good reasons.

I was breaking my oath.

I was lying in court.

But… I guess… just for this time… end does justify the means.

“Objection overruled. The exhibit is admitted. Mr. Villamontes, please answer the question.”

Villamontes was rattled, but he quickly gathered himself. He was probably asking himself kung talaga bang sinabi niya iyong bagay na ’yon… Kasi possible naman. He did have her killed. He probably said that amongst all the evil things he said and di.

“That statement, if I made it, was clearly taken out of context. I was likely referring to our legal team’s efforts to challenge Ms. Santos’ credibility as a witness through proper legal channels. I have never and would never condone any illegal actions.”

“It’s just really amusing, Mr. Villamontes, how just a few minutes later, hindi mo kilala si Patricia Santos, and now, you had a whole legal meeting just to address your concerns regarding Patricia’s actions,” I couldn’t help but say.

“Leave the commentary out of my court, Counsel,” the judge admonished.

“Yes, Your Honor,” I said. It was worth it. “Your Honor, I’d like to introduce Exhibit T, which is a compilation of police reports and court records detailing five previous rape accusations against Arthur Villamontes over the past decade.”

“Objection, Your Honor,” mabilis na sagot ni Iñigo. “This is highly prejudicial and not relevant to the current case.”

“I’ll allow it, but tread carefully, Counselor.”

“Mr. Villamontes, were you aware of these previous accusations against your son?”

“I was aware that my son had faced false accusations in the past, yes. Each of these cases was thoroughly investigated and dismissed due to lack of evidence.”

“Your Honor, I’d now like to introduce Exhibit U, which contains financial records showing substantial payments made to each of these five previous accusers, all traced back to Villamontes Inc. or its subsidiaries.”

“Objection, Your Honor. This is another attempt to prejudice the Court with information not directly related to the case at hand.”

“Objection overruled. The exhibit is admitted.”

“Mr. Villamontes, can you explain these payments to your son’s previous accusers?”

“Those were civil settlements, made on the advice of our legal team to avoid unnecessary and damaging publicity. They were not admissions of guilt, but rather business decisions to protect our company’s reputation.”

“Mr. Villamontes, given this pattern of paying off your son’s accusers, what made Patricia Santos’ case different? Why wasn’t she simply paid off like the others?”

“Objection. Calls for speculation.”

“Overruled. The witness may answer.”

“Ms. Santos’ case was not handled any differently. Our legal team was in the process of addressing her claims through proper legal channels. I was not personally involved in these matters.”

“Mr. Villamontes, in light of all this evidence, I ask you again: did you order or in any way participate in planning the massacre that resulted in the deaths of Patricia Santos and 19 others?”

He was grasping for air.

At least now he knew how it feels.

Kagaya nung mga walang awa na basta na lang nila inilibing.

“Absolutely not. I categorically deny any involvement in this tragic event. My family and I are law-abiding citizens, and we would never condone such a heinous act. These accusations are baseless and seem to be an attempt to exploit a tragedy for personal or political gain.”

I could see him continue to struggle to breathe.

But I wasn’t done.

“Your Honor, I’d like to introduce Exhibit V, which contains information about Atty. Julia Zaldivar.”

“Objection, Your Honor! Relevance!” Iñigo quickly objected. He was looking at me like I had lost my damned mind. Hindi ba sinabi ko naman sa kanya? Wala akong sasantuhin.

He’s the one who told me na may kasalanan si Lui… Hindi ba’t may kasalanan din si Julia? I mean, if we’re being fair and equal?

“Your Honor, this information is crucial to understanding the context of the previous cases against Arthur Villamontes and the potential conflicts of interest involved.”

“I’ll allow it. Proceed, Counselor.”

“Mr. Villamontes, are you familiar with Atty. Julia Zaldivar?”

Villamontes looked at me like he was already planning my assassination. “Yes, I am aware of Atty. Zaldivar. She’s a respected prosecutor.”

“Is it true that Atty. Zaldivar was your son Arthur’s best friend?”

“I’m aware that they know each other, yes. But I wouldn’t presume to characterize the nature of their relationship.”

He was already distancing himself from her.

He knew that the boat is sinking.

Didn’t I tell Iñigo to warn him that I’d be bringing shovel? Not only to dig up the bodies but also to destroy that fucking boat?

“Mr. Villamontes, Exhibit W shows that Atty. Zaldivar was the assigned prosecutor for all five of the previously dismissed cases against your son. Were you aware of this?”

“I was not personally involved in the legal proceedings. If Atty. Zaldivar was assigned to those cases, I’m sure it was through proper channels.”

“Your Honor, I’d like to introduce Exhibit X, which contains records of numerous social media posts and photographs showing Atty. Zaldivar in close social situations with Arthur Villamontes, dating back several years before and continuing through the time she was prosecuting these cases.”

“Objection, Your Honor,” Iñigo called. “This is irrelevant and prejudicial!”

“Your Honor, this evidence speaks directly to a potential conflict of interest in the handling of previous cases against Arthur Villamontes, which is highly relevant to the current case.”

“Objection overruled. The exhibit is admitted.”

“Mr. Villamontes, given this evidence of a close personal relationship between Atty. Zaldivar and your son, do you still maintain that all previous cases against Arthur were dismissed solely due to lack of evidence?”

“I stand by my previous statement. The cases were dismissed based on their lack of merit. Atty. Zaldivar is a professional, and I’m sure she handled the cases appropriately.”

“Mr. Villamontes, isn’t it true that your family’s influence, combined with your son’s close relationship with the prosecutor, ensured that these cases were dismissed regardless of their merit?”

“Objection, Your Honor. This is speculative and argumentative.”

“Sustained. Rephrase your question, Counselor.”

“Mr. Villamontes, were you aware of any communication between your family and Atty. Zaldivar regarding these cases outside of official legal proceedings?”

“Absolutely not. Any communication would have been through proper legal channels. We respect the legal process and would never attempt to influence it improperly.”

“Mr. Villamontes, given this pattern of dismissed cases prosecuted by your son’s close friend, can you understand why Patricia Santos might have felt that standard legal proceedings wouldn’t be sufficient to bring your son to justice?”

“Objection! Calls for speculation about the victim’s state of mind!

“Sustained.”

I turned my head to look at Iñigo and nodded. “I’ll rephrase,” I said as I looked at him. I, then, turned my head and looked at Villamontes. “Mr. Villamontes, in light of this information about Atty. Zaldivar’s involvement in previous cases as well as the birth record proving your son’s paternity of Patricia Santos’ child, do you still maintain that you had no motive to prevent Ms. Santos from testifying?”

It was as if I could see the alarm going on inside his head. What the fuck was he so scared about? Kung makukulong man siya, sandali na lang. Mukhang malapit na rin naman siyang maubusan ng hininga.

“I categorically deny any motive or action to prevent Ms. Santos from testifying. We were prepared to address her claims through proper legal channels, just as we had done in previous cases. The tragic events that occurred were completely outside of our knowledge or control.”

He sounded like a puppet at this point. His empty and rehearsed answers.

“No further questions, Your Honor.”

“We’ll take a recess before cross-examination. Court is adjourned for one hour.”

As soon as the judge left the court room, naramdaman ko iyong paglapit sa akin ni Lui. I turned, so I could look him in his eyes.

“What… are you doing?” he asked as he held my arm. He was holding it tightly like he wanted me to feel his anger… but not so much so that he wanted me to be hurt.

“Probably the dumbest thing I ever did,” I replied.

But the only way wherein I could get both things that I wanted was for me to start playing the way they’re playing.

Only then will the playing field will be even.

Only then can this game finally be over. 

**

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Chapter 61

Chapter 61

Lui looked like he was debating as to whether he’d strangle me or force-feed me. Nasa isang kwarto kami ngayon habang hinihintay na magresume iyong hearing. I was quietly sitting while trying to review my notes. Lui decided to sit on the chair that was across the room. He’s been throwing me daggers. I could feel his anger, but it’s been minutes at wala pa rin siyang sinasabi na kahit ano simula nung pumasok kami dito.

I ignored his tantrums.

I had more important things to do.

“Why did you do that?” he asked.

“Did what?” I asked back. “I did a lot of things—be specific.”

Ni hindi ko kailangang tumingin sa kanya para malaman kung ano iyong itsura ng mukha niya. His jaw was most definitely clenched. He’d run his fingers through his hair. If this was before, he’d probably smoke dahil sa stress na binibigay ko sa kanya.

I could say the same—I’d been stressed since the day I found out na iyong magaling niyang plano ay magpa-kulong.

“Why did you lie?”

“Again, be specific,” I replied as I flipped the page to the next. Iñigo will be doing his examination. If he’s smart, he’d request for the examination to be rescheduled. That’s probably what would happen. I saw how rattled Villamontes was. He’s probably scrambling for ways to prove na kilala man niya si Patrica, that he didn’t have any vested interest in her living or dying.

“Saan mo nakuha iyong birth certificate?” he asked.

“Ah, that,” I said. “I asked for help.” I looked at him. “Your family agrees with me—ayaw ka rin nilang makulong.”

Lui’s eyes widened. “You… talked to my family?”

“Yes,” I replied as my eyes went back to my notes. “Totoo pala talaga iyong sinabi nila na basta illegal, walang impossible.”

I did ask Niko tungkol doon sa bata. He straight up told me no and that there’s no way na pwede kong idamay iyong bata. He told me that if I wanted to prove paternity, I’d have to find another way.

And so I did.

May silbi din pala na may-ari ng hospital iyong pamilya ni Lui.

Even medical records could be forged.

“Tali, why did you have to do this? You’re risking your license—”

“You forced me to do this,” I quickly told him.

“ I forced you?“

“Yes.”

Hindi agad siya nagsalita. Tumingin ako sa kanya. Our eyes instantly met the moment I looked at him. Anger was very evident in his eyes.

He’s mad? I should be mad! Did he think I wanted to do this?! Did he think I enjoyed lying in court?! This was against everything I stand up for!

“Tali,” he called my name, this time calmer. “You can still leave. Please leave.”

Humigpit iyong hawak ko sa papel. Agad na nalukot iyon.

“So what? So that you can do your brilliant plan?”

“You know it’s the only way—”

“I’m not discussing this now, Lui,” I cut him off.

Ibinalik ko iyong atensyon ko sa binabasa ko, pero agad na napa-tingin ako kay Lui nang lumapit siya at kunin iyong notebook ko. Napaawang iyong labi ko dahil sa ginawa niya.

“Tali, these people—”

“Don’t have rules they play by, so I just did the same! Hindi ba ganito rin naman ang gagawin mo?!”

“That was before,” he said. “Before I knew that you’re pregnant!” I could see him trying to reign himself in. He took a step back. He turned around like he didn’t want me to see him mad. “Tali… these people… if they feel like they’re backed against the wall… they’ll do something… Sa tingin mo bakit nangyari ’yung kay Patricia? Because they knew that once she steps foot in the Court, it’s all over.”

He looked at me.

“You’re taunting them.”

I knew he’s right.

After all, he was once with them.

He knew how they play.

But until when will we play by their rules? I refuse to. Not anymore. Now, they’re in my court. They’ll play by my rules.

“I don’t care. I will continue to do so. If you don’t want to help me, then do me a favor and just watch me. Don’t do anything.”

Lui was staring at me. He wasn’t saying anything, but his stares were enough to tell me that he won’t just sit idly and watch me. He would do something… but I didn’t care as long as he didn’t get in my way.

---

“We’ll now continue with the examination. Atty. Borromeo, you may begin.”

Naka-hawak ako sa ballpen habang pinapanood ko ang bawat galaw ni Iñigo. Ramdam ko na nasa akin iyong mga mata ni Villamontes. I ignored him. I knew that if I allow myself to look at him, I would just smile at him to taunt him.

“Your Honor, in light of my client’s visible distress and deteriorating health condition, I must request the rescheduling of the examination. Mr. Villamontes clearly needs medical attention and is in no state to testify further today.”

As I expected.

This was the smart thing to do because clearly, Villamontes was so rattled by his own admission na kilala niya si Patricia—that he has all the reason to dispose of her.

“Objection, Your Honor,” I said because I had to. At this point, this was a fucking show for public consumption. I didn’t care anymore. The more eyes on this, the better. “This is clearly a delaying tactic. Mr. Villamontes was well enough to answer my questions just moments ago.”

“Atty. Hernaez, I’ll listen to your argument.”

“Your Honor, we’ve seen this pattern before. Every time we get close to the truth, suddenly Mr. Villamontes is too ill to continue. We’ve seen the display of the wheelchair, the oxygen tanks. This is nothing but a ploy to obstruct justice. As the saying goes, justice delayed is justice denied.”

I allowed myself to look at Villamontes.

“Your Honor, he’s alert and responsive. This sudden ‘illness’ is too convenient. The victims’ families have waited long enough for justice. We cannot allow these stalling tactics to continue.”

“Your Honor, my client is innocent until proven guilty in the court of law. And my client’s health issues are well-documented. This is not a tactic; it’s a genuine medical concern.”

“Then let’s have a court-appointed physician examine him right now, Your Honor. If Mr. Villamontes is truly unfit to continue, surely an impartial medical professional can confirm that.”

“That’s enough, counselors. While I appreciate your passion, Atty. Hernaez, I cannot force a witness to testify if there’s a possibility of a health risk.”

I conceded after I made a whole show out of it. At the very least, I was pretty sure that I made this entertaining enough for the people to talk about this. Sigurado ako na nagpapanic na lahat ng pamilya na involved dito.

The moment I got all my things inside my bag, mabilis na hinawakan ni Lui iyong kamay ko. It was obvious that he wanted to drag me with him, but he was restraining himself.

“Where are we going?” I asked because instead of heading straight back to the condo, we were in the expressway.

“To my house,” he replied.

Napa-kunot ang noo ko. “What?”

“Why? Kilala mo naman na sila, ’di ba?” he asked, his tone was clipped. “At least let me finally formally introduce you to each another.”

Even a deaf person could hear the anger in Lui’s voice. I understood that by doing what I did, I risked my license… but did he seriously expect me to just leave the country and let him throw himself in jail? If he did expect me to do that, I’d be very disappointed in him.

And he probably did not know me at all.

Tahimik lang ako buong byahe. I could clearly feel Lui’s restrained anger. But even when he’s angry at me, he still made the driver go through a drive thru and got food for me. Hindi na ako nakipagtalo at tahimik kong kinain iyong binigay niya sa akin.

Naka-tingin lang ako sa labas ng bintana. Pinanood ko na magbago iyong tanawin mula mga matatayog na building hanggang sa maging malawak na kalsada at hanggang sa makarating kami sa probinsya.

At nang huminto na iyong sasakyan.

I thought about this moment before.

Nung simple pa ang lahat at tanging problema ko lang ay kung mahal ba ako ni Lui. I did fantasize about him bringing me home and introducing me to his family… I thought about what I’d wear and how I’d present myself para magustuhan nila ako.

It fucking happened—not just how I wanted.

Naunang lumabas iyong driver at iyong security. Naiwan kami ni Lui sa loob ng sasakyan.

“I asked for their help,” I told him. Alam ko na hindi niya kinakausap iyong pamilya niya. Kaya rin nagkalakas ako ng loob na humingi ng tulong sa kanila. I knew that at the end of the day, even devils care about their family. Kaya nga pinagtakpan ng Villamontes ang isa’t-isa. Alam ko na masama man ang pamilya ni Lui, tutulungan pa rin nila ako.

Naka-tingin lang si Lui sa akin.

“Kung galit ka—”

“God, of course, I’m mad, Tali!”

I bit my tongue. I didn’t have the energy to argue with him. Again.

“You forged documents; you lied to the court; you taunted Villamontes! It’s like you’re asking to be killed!”

I bit my tongue harder.

Lui stopped himself. Sinandal niya iyong likuran niya sa upuan. Pinikit iyong mga mata at saka hinilamos iyong mga kamay sa mukha.

“I understand…” he began. Mas malumanay na iyong boses niya ngayon. “I understand that you don’t want me in jail. I understand that, Tali. You told me that it was a dumb decision. Sure. But seriously, Tali, I’d rather spend a few years in jail and then have the chance to start over again with you.”

“Do you seriously think that, Lui? Do you seriously think that you’ll just ‘spend a few years in jail?’” I mocked him. “I’m not as naive as you think I am. Alam ko kung ano ang nangyayari sa loob ng kulungan. Alam ko kung gaano kadali mag-utos ng tao doon para bigla ka na lang itumba.”

Ramdam na ramdam ko iyong panlalamig ko. I couldn’t even think about him being gone—even imagining it was torture enough.

“If you honestly thought that I’d just sit and watch you kill yourself, then maybe you don’t know me at all.”

I hated that we’re here, fighting each other when we should be fighting Villamontes. I wanted to just apologize… but I knew I did nothing wrong. I knew that had the situation been reversed, there’s no way that Lui would just sit and watch me throw myself in jail for him.

So, why was he expecting that from me?

Agad na napa-tingin ako sa kanya nang abutin niya iyong kamay ko at hawakan iyon.

“You’re right. I’m sorry,” he said as he held my hand tighter. “I tried so hard not to compromise your integrity… but you’re right,” he continued. I didn’t know for sure what he meant when he told me that I was right. All I knew was that we got out of the car, walked in to his house, and finally, I was face to face with his family. 

**

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