His Dangerous Obsession

La Dominante is a dark romance series featuring dominant and possessive alpha males with twisted morals. They are not your typical hero that you fell in love with.

WARNING: This story contains a lot of mature scenes, explicit sexual content and sensitive topics that are not appropriate for young readers. Reader discretion is advised.

Prologue

I glanced at the wall clock and realized that it had only been five minutes since the last time I checked the time. I checked my wristwatch too, just in case the wall clock had stopped but it showed the same time.

It felt forever though…

I have no idea how many times I glanced at the wall clock for today. Hindi ko na mabilang. Simula nang pumatak sa alas sais ang oras, kanina ko pa nililingon ang orasan.

Why the hell am I trying to count how many times I’ve checked the clock though?

I sighed. Binalingan ko na lang ang logbook na hawak ko. Pinigilan ko ang sarili ko na lumingon ulit sa orasan. Baka mainis lang ako kapag nakita kong halos wala pang isang minuto ang lumilipas.

I tried to concentrate on what I was doing instead. Binilang ko ang mga damit na nandoon sa isa sa mga display rack at ni-record iyon sa logbook. Pagkatapos ay sinunod ko naman ang katabing display rack at binilang din ang mga damit doon.

I glanced at the wall clock again.

Twenty minutes before seven in the evening. I have to prepare now kung gusto kong makarating on time sa pupuntahan ko. Ayaw na ayaw ko pa namang nali-late ako sa mga lakad ko. I value time lalo na kung maaapektuhan ang oras ng ibang tao. I hate it just thinking that someone is waiting for me.

“May date kayo ni Sir Yakov, Ma’am?”

Napatingin ako sa isa sa mga assistant ko rito sa store. Millie was smiling as she approached me. Inayos n’ya ang mga damit na nagulo dahil sa mga customer kanina.

“How did you know?” I asked.

“Kanina ka pa kasi tingin nang tingin sa orasan, ma’am. Ginagawa n’yo lang naman ’yon kapag may lakad kayo at ayaw n’yong ma-late,” Andrea said. She was standing by the counter, doing the inventory too.

I chuckled.

“Mukhang kilalang-kilala n’yo na ako, ah?”

“Hindi naman, ma’am. Alam lang namin kung gaano mo pinapahalagahan ang oras ng iba,” Millie said.

I guess it shows in me though. Kaya rin kahit sila ay hindi talaga nagpapa-late sa pagpasok dito sa shop. If anything, they would tell me in advance if they were going to be late and that would save me all the hassle.

Kung minsan pa ay ako na talaga ang nagbubukas nitong shop kapag may pagkakataon na sabay silang mali-late na dalawa. Kaya naman nagugustuhan ko ang maaga nilang pagsasabi. At least hindi maaapektuhan ang operating time ng boutique.

“Sige na, ma’am. Kami na ho rito. Para hindi ho kayo ma-late sa date n’yo ni Sir Yakov,” sabi ni Andrea at agad akong napailing.

“I just can’t do that,” sabi kong umiiling. “Even if I’m the owner, I still want to help here. Kahit sa closing time.”

“Lagi mo nga kaming tinutulungan, Miss Nat. Kapag may lakad ka lang naman wala rito o ’di kaya nauuna sa pag-uwi,” Millie said.

“Okay na kami rito, ma’am. Mag-ready na ho kayo para mas pretty ka sa eyes ni Sir Yakov.”

“Para mas ma-inlove pa sa inyo si Sir, ma’am!”

Natawa ako sa pang-aasar nila. I really like them. Kaya rin naman hindi ko sila magawang palitan. Not that I was thinking about it. I am comfortable and already content with just the two of them helping me with the shop. Matagal na rin silang nagtatrabaho rito kaya alam na alam na nila ang mga ayaw at gusto ko. Plus, they’re really good at their job. Wala pa akong nagiging problema sa kanila.

“Dahil mapilit kayo, then I’ll get ready now,” I said. Pero maya-maya ay napangiwi rin at alanganing napatingin sa kanila. “Are you sure na okay lang sa inyong mauna na ako?”

Sabay pa silang tumango.

“Okay lang talaga, ma’am!”

“Enjoy po kayo sa date n’yo!”

I smiled at them before I headed to the back office to get ready and get my purse. I checked myself in the mirror and decided to retouch a bit. I just tucked some strands of my medium bob-cut hair behind my ears. I dyed my hair light brown and I smiled at how the color s my fair skin.

I applied pink lipstick on my plum lips. My eyebrows were straight and I really like it this way. Hindi ako mas nagmumukhang masungit or intimidating because I already have an aluitedmond-shape eyes. Madalas kasi akong nasasabihan ng ganoon kapag nae-emphasize ang mga mata ko dahil sa makeup ko.

I inherited my eye color from my father which is dark brown. While my small nose but with a high bridge was from my mother.

Nang ma-satisfy na ako sa itsura ko, lumabas na ako ng office dala ang purse ko at nagpaalam na sa dalawang assistant ko.

I drove to the restaurant where Yakov and I decided to meet for our dinner tonight. I got there five minutes early and Yakov hadn’t arrived yet. A waitress guided me to our reserved table and someone served me water while I was waiting for Yakov.

This was okay for me though. Mas gusto ko pa iyong ako ang naghihintay kaysa sa paghintay ang ibang tao. I get really anxious and uncomfortable whenever I think that someone is waiting for me where they can use their time more conveniently instead of just waiting.

It was seven in the evening and Yakov still wasn’t here. It was normal, the usual thing. Hindi na bago ang ganito kaya naghintay pa ako ng limang minuto bago ko ch-in-eck ang phone para sa text ni Yakov kung mali-late ba s’ya ngayon.

I smiled when I saw the photo that I used as my lock screen wallpaper. It was a selfie photo of me and Yakov. We were both smiling at the camera. Our cheeks were touching so our faces would fit in the frame.

Yakov and I were childhood friends. Close ang family namin sa family nina Yakov. I guess it was also because both families benefited from each other and have been friends ever since.

We’re a family of politician. My dad is a senator. While Yakov’s father is the chief of PNP. Nagkamalay ako na nagtutulungan ang mga pamilya namin simula pa noon.

Kaya naman tuwang-tuwa rin ang mga magulang namin nang maging kami ni Yakov. I was happy for making my parents happy, especially my father. That’s why I’ve been trying so hard for my relationship with Yakov to work.

I really like Yakov’s company. As childhood friends, marami na kaming alam sa isa’t isa. Our relationship was really convenient for me. I didn’t have to go to the trouble of answering questions such as what’s my favorite flower, my favorite color, or food. Especially the one where they would ask kung anong tipo ko sa mga lalaki.

And I’m comfortable with Yakov. Plus, I really like him.

Pero sa mga ganitong pagkakataon talaga hindi ko nagugustuhan si Yakov. While I value time, Yakov wasn’t. Palagi s’yang nali-late sa usapan namin. Minsan lang maging on time at madalang pa kung mauuna s’ya sa usapang oras. Ilang beses ko na s’yang pinagsabihan tungkol doon pero hindi pa rin talaga s’ya nagbabago. He’s always making me wait. Every damn time.

Twenty minutes after seven had already passed and Yakov still wasn’t here. Kanina pa ako nag-order ng wine at pangalawang baso na ang iniinom ko ngayon. I’m not planning to get drunk tonight without eating dinner. Pero mukhang mangyayari iyon kapag hindi pa dumating si Yakov.

It was seven-thirty in the evening when Yakov finally arrived which was really a good thing ’cause I was already thinking of going home. Hindi ko na naitago ang inis ko sa kanya nang lumapit s’ya.

“Thank God! You’re finally here!” I said as I stood up to greet him. Hindi ko alam kung greeting pa ba ang tawag doon dahil halatang-halata naman ang inis sa boses ko.

“Kanina ka pa?” he even dared to ask as he kissed me on the cheek. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes in annoyance.

“Yakov, seven in the evening ang usapan. I got here five minutes early,” I said as we both took our seats.

“You’re always arriving earlier than the call time,” he said like it was my fault for being early.“

Napasimangot ako.

“Really? You’re blaming me?”

Yakov sighed. Nahalatang naiinis na ako. Kapag ganito, titigil na s’ya at hindi na gagawa ng bagay para mas mainis pa ako.

That’s why it’s really convenient for both of us that we have already known each other since we were kids. Naiiwasan namin ang mga walang kwentang pagtatalo.

“Alright, I’m sorry. I got caught up with something.”

I waited for him to elaborate more on what he said. Kung ano ’yung bagay na tinutukoy n’ya kung bakit s’ya na-late ngayon. But he already called the server’s attention so we could order our food. Hinayaan ko na lang din at hindi na nagtanong pa tungkol sa bagay na ’yon. I just let him order for me too since alam n’ya rin naman ang mga gusto kong kainin.

We talked as the servers prepared our orders. Our talk was always casual. Wala na rin naman kaming mapag-uusapang iba dahil kapag may nangyayari sa pamilya nila ay mas nauuna ko pang malaman kay Mommy kaysa sa kanya. That’s how close our family is.

This was really… comfortable.

“How’s the shop?” Yakov asked as we started to eat. I glanced at him before proceeding to cut my steak.

“It’s doing good. We’re planning to branch out again.”

“What?” May narinig akong kakaibang tono sa boses n’ya kaya napatingin ako sa kanya. I saw the disapproving look on his face. “Baka maging busy ka na n’yan? This will be your third time now.”

“It’s okay. May katulong naman ako,” tipid kong sabi.

“Where are you planning to branch out this time?”

“I’m still thinking,” I said, shrugging my shoulders so we could drop this topic.

I was starting not to like the look on his face like he was disapproving of my thoughts so I decided to change the topic of our conversation.

“How about you? How’s your day?” I asked.

“Oh, before I forgot… Clear your schedule next weekend,” Yakov suddenly said which made me frown.

“Why?”

He showed me his smile. Napangiti na rin tuloy ako nang makita na mukhang excited s’ya.

“Kuya will visit. Napilit na rin namin s’ya, finally.”

My smile froze. Maya-maya ay tuluyan nang nawala ang ngiti sa mga labi ko.

Oh, that’s right… Yakov has a brother. A half-brother. Muntik ko nang makalimutan.

Ang alam ko ay nasa Russia ang kapatid n’ya at matagal nang hindi bumibisita rito sa Pilipinas. That’s why Yakov and his mother were convincing him to at least visit just for a while.

Pangalawang pamilya na ng Mommy n’ya sina Yakov. Naiwan sa Russia ang half-brother n’ya kasama ang ama na Russian. I have no idea why but it seems like his mother didn’t want to go back to Russia kaya ang kapatid n’ya na lang ang pinipilit nilang bumisita rito sa Pilipinas.

I remember the last time his half-brother visited. It was so long ago. Bata pa kami pareho ni Yakov noon. We were both eight at that time and his brother was in his teens already. Hindi ko na rin matandaan kung ilan ba ang agwat ng edad nilang dalawa.

Iyon ang huling pagbisita ng kapatid n’ya. Hindi na ulit naulit.

Dahil sa pagbanggit ni Yakov sa kapatid n’ya, bigla kong naalala ang nangyari noon. The reason why I hated his arrogant brother.

I was a kid at that time so of course, I enjoyed playing. I was digging the ground, doon sa garden na nasa likod ng bahay nina Yakov. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit hinayaan ako ni Mommy na magbungkal ng lupa noon. Maybe because she and Dad were busy talking with Yakov’s parents that will benefit our family dahil nagpaplano na si Daddy noon na tumakbo sa pagkapulitiko.

Hindi ko na rin matandaan kung nasaan si Yakov noon at kung bakit ako lang mag-isa ang naglalaro sa back garden nila.

Suddenly, his half-brother was already in front of me. I was crouching down on the ground while he was standing in front of me. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba doon kaya ang tingin ko sa kanya ay sobrang tangkad. He was looking down at me and that was the first time I’d felt so small.

But still, he looked like a prince to me. He looked so handsome and cool. With his hands inside the side pocket of his trousers as he looked down at me. Naalala ko pang sobra akong humanga sa kanya noon lalo na nang makita ko ang asul n’yang mga mata.

Not until I saw his smirk. He even scoffed like he was laughing at me.

“You shouldn’t be here,” I remember him saying.

Naalala kong napatitig lang ako sa kanya noon. He has an accent. That was only four words but… He looked more attractive with his accent.

“What?’ I asked.

“Beggars are not allowed in here,” he said again with that thick accent.

It took me a moment before I finally realized what he meant ’cause I was so fascinated with his accent and his blue eyes… and everything about him. Napatayo ako sa inis at nagpameywang pa sa harap n’ya.

Now, that I think about it, I probably didn’t look intimidating with my pigtails. That’s probably why Yakov’s brother still laughed at me that time.

“I am not a beggar!” naisigaw ko sa inis ko noon.

“Hmm?” He eyed me from head to toe with a smirk on his lips. “Okay. My bad.”

Naalala kong mas nainis lang ako sa sinabi n’yang ’yon. Then our parents called for us. Nang makita ako ni Mommy, halos mahimatay s’ya. I didn’t know why. She said something like she was going to wash my face but Yakov’s mother stopped her, saying that it was adorable. Then they forced us to pose for a picture. Yakov, his brother, and me.

“Your brother will finally visit here?” I asked Yakov when I was done with my memory lane.

He nodded, still with a smile on his face.

“Yeah… Mom wanted to spend time with him. Isama raw kita.”

“Hmm,” nasabi ko na lang at tumango ng isang beses.

I heard Yakov chuckle.

“Inis ka pa rin kay kuya? Ang tagal na no’n.”

I shrugged my shoulders.

“Well, first impression lasts. Hindi ko na rin naman s’ya nakita after no’n kaya ganu’n ’yung image ng kuya mo sa utak ko.”

“Hayaan mo… Baka ngayon, magbago na ang tingin mo sa kanya.”

Yakov looked really excited that he’ll finally meet his brother again. He’s his only brother. Wala s’yang ibang kapatid. Because of the situation, he grew up as the only child of his family. Kaya rin siguro sabik s’yang magkasama na sa wakas ang kapatid.

I guess he wanted to get spoiled too. Especially since he’s the younger brother. He also probably wanted someone to talk with things na hindi namin napag-uusapan. Things that only boys will understand.

Sa restaurant na rin kami naghiwalay ni Yakov dahil dala namin pareho ang mga kotse namin. I drove home and while looking at my own house, I felt proud. It was a two-storey house with four bedrooms and a spacious terrace on the side. The style was simple with gray and white paint.

I bought this house with my own money after the success of my business. Matagal ko nang gustong bumukod sa bahay ng parents ko. Noong una ay alangan pa nga ako, knowing how controlling my dad is. Kaya tuwang-tuwa ako nang payagan nila akong bumili ng sarili kong bahay.

After I parked the car, I went inside the house. I put the keys on the bowl that was on the display cabinet na madadaanan sa living room. Doon din sa kung saan nakalagay ang mga pictures from different moments in my life.

Nandoon ang picture namin ni Yakov noong graduation namin noong college. I was holding a bouquet that he gave me. Katabi noon ang picture noong grand opening ng boutique shop ko. He was also with me in the picture, and I’m holding flowers that he gave me as well.

Saka ko lang naalala ang picture na matagal nang nabaon sa limot. Nasa likod na dahil natakluban ng recent photos. I took it and stared at the picture in my hand.

Nang makita ko ang picture na ’yon, saka ko naintindihan kung bakit ganoon ang naging reaksyon ni Mommy noon at kung bakit ako tinawanan ng kuya ni Yakov. I looked like a mess. Madungis ang mukha at damit ko dahil sa pagbubungkal ko ng lupa. Hindi rin pantay ang pigtails ko. Mas mababa ang isa kaysa sa kabila. Magulo pa ang buhok ko noon. Some strands were sticking out.

It was a photo of me, Yakov, and his half-brother. I was in the middle, looking at Yakov’s half-brother with a frown on my face. Si Yakov naman ay nakangiti sa camera, doing a pogi-sign, with his thumb and his forefinger spread out under his chin. Habang ang kapatid n’ya naman ay cool lang na nakatingin sa camera. He wasn’t even smiling.

A smile escaped from my lips. I suddenly began to wonder how this arrogant and rude teen had been.

Nothing… I was just curious.

Chapter 1

My parents will come to my house today. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Walang dahilan na sinabi sa ’kin si Mommy kung bakit biglaan ang pagbisita nila sa akin ni Daddy ngayon. I just received a text from her sometime after lunch yesterday, telling me that they’ll visit me today.

Kaya naman kahapon, buong araw talaga akong naglinis ng bahay. Hindi na nga ako nakabisita sa shop ko.  Hindi ko rin naman kailangang araw-arawin ang pagbisita sa shop ’cause I know that Millie and Andrea could manage it so well. Pero gusto ko pa ring tumulong as an owner.

Dahil biglaan ang pagsasabi ni Mommy sa pagbisita nila, biglaan rin tuloy ang pagge-general cleaning ko. I didn’t have to, actually. Kalilinis lang ng housekeeper sa buong bahay na tuwing Monday n’ya ginagawa. And it’s only Wednesday today. But I still want to do this. I have to.

Mom’s sudden announcement of her visit was already a nightmare for me. But her bringing along my father could be my death already.

My mom was so strict and meticulous. Kahit maliit na bagay ay napapansin n’ya. She wanted all things to be perfect in her eyes. Dapat wala s’yang makikitang mali na pwedeng makaapekto sa image ni Daddy, sa image ng family namin. She wanted to make people think that our family is perfect because she’s a perfect housewife.

That’s why I needed to make sure na walang makikitang mali si Mommy sa pagbisita nila. I’ve been living alone since a year passed after I graduated college. Hindi ko inaasahan na magiging successful ang clothing line business ko. Dahil doon ay nakapag-ipon ako para makabili ng sarili kong bahay.

Kailangan kong maipakita sa parents ko na kayang kong mag-isa. That I can be successful even without their help. That I could make them proud.

Kaya naman grabe ang ginawa kong paglilinis sa buong bahay kahapon. Baka ’pag may nakitang mali si Mommy, bawiin pa nila ang approval nila na bumukod ako ng bahay.

Then, there’s also my father…

Kung kay Mommy ay dapat wala s’yang makitang mali, my father was much more intense. Kailangan ay wala talagang maging mali sa akin. Unlike kay Mommy na pwede ko pang maitago ang mali ko. Basta hindi n’ya lang makikita. While my dad wanted me to be entirely perfect.

As a senator, he needed to be the best in the eye of the public. He wanted his family to be seen as perfect too.

It was so hard for me to please my father. Both of my parents.

Kaya naman pagod na pagod ako sa ginawa kong paglilinis kahapon. dalawang beses ko kasing inulit. Hindi rin ako nakapagpahinga nang maayos kagabi sa isipin na dadalaw ang mga magulang ko. Kaya naman ramdam na ramdam ko pa rin ang pagod ko hanggang ngayon.

Pero hindi ko iyon pinahalata nang makaharap ko na ang mga magulang ko. I welcomed them with a wide smile on my lips. Sinalubong ko sila sa labas ng gate. Nakita ko pa ang pagsuyod ng tingin ni Mommy sa kabuuan ng bahay ko pagbaba n’ya pa lang ng kotse.

She was wearing a white blazer over her gray sleeveless dress that reached her knees. Her brown her were brushed backwards. Her face was full of makeup, it made her looked more strict and sophisticated.

While my dad was busy talking with someone who took this opportunity to ask for his help dahil nalaman ang pagbisita sa akin ni dad ngayon.

“Senator, naabutan ko rin kayo sa wakas,” the woman said. She was wearing a tattered shirt and shorts. Ang tsinelas na suot ay madumi rin. She was clutching my father’s hand na hindi na n’ya binitiwan nang makipag-kamay kay Daddy kanina. “Matagal ko na ho kayong gustong makausap. Inaabangan ko rin ho kayo sa bahay n’yo pero pinapaalis ako palagi ng gwardya.”

“Ganoon ho ba? Sinisigurado n’ya lang ho ang seguridad namin. Pasensya na,” mahinahon na sabi ni Dad.

He was wearing a suit and even his hair were mixed with gray and black, kitang-kita pa rin ang pagiging makisig ni Daddy.

“Alam ko naman ho ’yon, Sir. Kaya nga masayang-masaya akong naabutan ko kayo ngayon dito.”

“Ano ho bang maipaglilingkod ko sa inyo?” my father asked.

The woman told my father her story. Nasa hospital daw ang asawa n’ya.  He’s a sidewalk vendor at nasagasaan habang tumatawid. It was a hit-and-run. Wala silang pambayad sa hospital at dahil ang ama lang ang nagtatrabaho at ngayon nga’y nasa hospital, they don’t have any money to buy for food. Ang tatlong anak ay hindi na raw nakakapasok sa eskwela dahil walang pambaon.

The woman even cried as she told my father her story. Nakaakbay na si daddy sa kanya. Si Mommy naman ay lumapit sa kanila at nakinig na rin sa sinasabi ng babae.

Ibanutan ni Daddy ng calling card ang babae matapos n’yang magkwento. “Number ho ito ng assisstant ko. Tawagan n’yo lang ho at sabihin n’yong nangako akong tutulungan kayon.

The woman burst into tears as she shook my father’s hand. Naluha na rin ako nang makita ang katuwaan sa mukha ng babae habang nagpapasalamat kay daddy. She looked so relieved to receive help from him.

“Maraming maraming salamat ho talaga, Sir,” ang paulit-ulit na sabi ng babae.

“Wala hong anuman,” my father’s said and the woman finally released his hand.

“Huwag n’yo ho sanang kalilimutan na si Sneator Gonzales ho ang tumulong sa inyo,” my mom said and the woman nodded.

“Opo, Ma’am. Totoo nga ang sabi nila. Napakabait po ni Senator Gonzales!”

The woman said goodbye and my parents finally went in. Nang makapasok sila sa gate ay nawala ang ngiti sa mga labi ni Mommy at nakasimangot na binalingan ako.

“What kind of subdivision is this, Natalia? Bakit nakakapasok ang mga ganoon dito?” she pointed at the gate’s door. Alam kong iyong babae ang tinutukoy n’ya. “Kukuha ka na nga lang ng bahay, doon pa sa hindi maganda ang security!”

My disappointment hit me like a hurricane. Hindi pa nga sila nakakapasok sa loob ng bahay pero may napansin nang mali agad si Mommy. All my hassle, my exhaustion, and my effort while cleaning the house all meant nothing. Nawalan ng silbi ang lahat ng paghahanda ko sa pagbisita nila ngayon.

I know. Kilala ko si Mommy. Kapag may napuna na s’yang isa, matutuloy-tuloy na ’yan. She will be on a roll for the whole day.

I already failed.

“What’s the sudden visit, Mom?” tanong ko na lang nang makapasok na kami sa bahay. I wasn’t excited anymore.

Napadaan si Mommy sa dispplay cabinet na unang madadaanan pagpasok sa living room. She ran her fingers on the surface and checked it for dust. Tinitignan n’ya kung may dumi s’yang makukuha.

Ilang beses kong nilinis ang display cabinet na ’yon. higit pa sa dalawang beses. I know that Mom will check it since it was the first furniture to notice when entering my house. I know that it was already clean but I still felt anxious. Nasimulan na n’ya akong makitaan ng mali. Magsusunod-sunod na iyon.

“I know that I already approved of you moving out of the house but only if I have known na sa ganitong bahay ka lilipat, hindi na sana ako pumayag.” She looked around and glared at me afterward. “Jesus, Natalia! This place is so small!”

No… That’s not true. Gusto kong magdahilan pero mas pinili ko na lang ang hindi magsalita.

There is nothing small about my house. It has four bedrooms and three bedrooms. Ang isang bathroom ay nasa loob mismo ng master’s bedroom kaya malawak ang kwartong iyon. The house has a front garden and a wide garage that could fit three vehicles. There is also a wide terrace on the side.

I always thought that the house I bought was too big for me. But for some reason, mom still saw it as something small.

“Ako lang naman mag-isa, mom. There’s no need for my place to be so big,” I reasoned out.

“Think of what others would say!” Mom exclaimed. “Sasabihin nilang hinahayaan ka namin ng Daddy mo na tumira sa maliit na bahay! They might even think that you ran away! Iisipin nilang magulo ang pamilya natin!”

I took a deep breath. Hindi ako nagsalita.

I bought this house as an investment. And so I could finally be independent. I didn’t buy it to show off my parents’ wealth.

“Hush, Gwendolyn… People might still be outside. Baka may makarinig sa ’yo,” Dad said with a calm voice.

I chewed on my lower lip. I’ve been trying to deny it, telling myself that I just wanted to be independent, to learn everything on my own, that’s why I bought the house and decided to move out of my parents’ house. But… they were also part of the reasons why I did it.

I’m so tired of this. Hindi ko kaya ang araw-araw na ganitong senaryo sa buhay ko. I love them. I still love my parents but sometimes… they’re just too much.

“Dad, bakit kayo napabisita?” baling ko kay dad na kalmado lang sa nangyayari. I need to control my emotions.

Dad glanced at me before he jerked his head in mom’s direction.

“Ask your mom.”

I looked at my mom. She fixed her blazer na nakapatong sa mga balikat n’ya.

“I heard from Tessa that her eldest son is going to visit and she wants you to join them.” She stared at me. Her eyes were serious. “This is serious, Natalia. Yakov might even propose to you.”

I let out a nervous laugh.

“I don’t think so, mom. Yakov and I agreed that we’ll settle once we’re both stable and ready. And he’s excited to meet his brother again and bond with him. I don’t think na isisingit n’ya ang isang bagay where he’ll get bust and would steal time to bond with his brother.”

Mom regarded my reason. She shrugged her shoulders.

“Still, better be ready.” She raised her eyebrows at me. “Nakapag-empake ka na ba?”

I frowned.

“Bakit kailangang mag-empake?”

Mom looked at me in disbelief. Maya-maya ay napabuntong-hininga. Like she’s already used to me being like this.

“You’ll stay in Siargao for the weekend. Tessa’s eldest son enjoys surfing.” She heaved a deep sigh again. “Goodness, Natalia Nicole! What are you going to do without me?”

Hindi ako nagsalita. I decided to prepare tea for them. Alam ko naman kung anong gusto nilang inumin. I went to my kitchen but mom followed me.

“You wanted to be independent pero sa mga ganitong bagay lang, hindi mo na kaya ang sarili mo!”

Naglilintanya si Mommy habang ako ay tahimik lang na hinahanda ang tsaa nila. Even after I finished preparing it and went back to the living room to give my father his tea, hindi pa rin tapos maglintanya si Mommy.

“Kahit sa pagpili ng bahay palpak ka!” she said as I gave her the tea.

Dad was busy with his phone as mom continued to rant about her disappointment with me. Tahimik lang ako at hindi nagsasalita. Mas lalala lang kung magre-reason out pa ako. Mas hahaba lang ang lintanya n’ya.

I tried so hard to not let her words affect me. Sinusubukan kong hindi iyon pakinggan. Pero mahirap na magpanggap na hindi naapektuhan lalo na kung sa sarili kong ina nanggaling ang mga masasakit na salitang iyon.

After lunch, they decided to leave. Hinatid ko sila hanggang gate. nauna nang pumasok si Mommy sa kotse. The driver already opened the door for my father pero lumingon si Dad sa akin bago pa s’ya pumasok sa loob.

“Natalia, I’ll be handing out donations personally for the typhoon victims. I want you to donate some clothes from your shop.”

Nagulat ako at hindi makapaniwalang napatingin kay daddy.

“But, dad… Those are my designs—”

“Just do what I said.” Hindi na n’ya ako hinayaang makapagsalita at pumasok na sa loob ng kotse.

I stayed rooted in my place. Napasulyap pa sa akin ang driver bago umikot sa driver’s side at pumasok na rin sa kotse. I watched as the car drove away.

So that was the reason why my father visited me today. Nagulat pa nga ako na sasama s’ya sa pagbisita kay Mommy. Iyon pala, may gusto lang ipagawa sa akin.

What’s the use of visiting though? He could’ve chatted me about it. Hindi n’ya rin naman tinanggap ang kahit anong sasabihin ko.

I went inside my house, I felt so exhausted. Nawalan na ako ng lakas na umakyat sa jkwarto ko and I collapsed on the sofa.

Every time I meet with my parents, I always feel so exhausted right after. Mentally and physically. I felt so bad that sometimes, a thought will come to me not to meet them for a while. I just want to take a break. For myself.

I took my phone and dialed Yakov’s number. Nakailang ring pa bago n’ya sinagot ang tawag ko.

’Hey, what’s up?“ bungad n’ya pagkasagot ng tawag.

“Yakov… my parents visited me tofday. Nakwento pala ng mommy mo na mag-i-stay tayo sa Siargao for two days to bond with your brother?”

“Yeah…” I heard his laugh from the other line. “Kuya likes surfing. Which is great since, you know, I know how to surf too! We have mutual interest, Nat! Magkapatid nga kami!”

He laughed merrily at the other line. He sounded so excited and happy. Tuwang-tuwa sa nadiskubreng pagkakapareho nila ng kapatid n’yang hindi n’ya nakasama.

I was happy for him. But I was too tired to show the same energy as him. I was already exhausted to match his enthusiasm.

“Yakov… you didn’t tell me that we’ll have to stay somewhere for the whole weekend,” pagod kong sabi.

Napatigil si yakov sa pagtawa. Ilang sandali s’yang natahimik sa kabilang linya.

“Hindi ko ba nasabi sa ’yong sa Siargao tayo pupunta?” he even asked. He sounded so confused.

“No…” I let out an exhausted sigh. “You just told me to clear my schedule for the weekend.”

“Oh…” I heard him mutter. “Babe, I’m so sorry. Nawala lang sa isip ko.”

I let out another exhausted sigh. Narinig iyon ni Yakov and it might’ve added to his guilt dahil nag-sorry ulit s’ya.

“Babe, I’m really sorry. I was so excited meeting my brother again that it probably slipped my mind.” I heard his apologetic voice. ’Nat, you know I would never do anything that would embarrass or harm you.“

I know that though. He’s right. Being the daughter of a senator, Yakov knew to help me protect my image for my father. He would never do anything to embarrass me or put me in a scandal.

I sighed.

“It’s okay…” I said. “Good thing my mother visited me today. If not, wala akong madadalang damit. I would be unprepared and make a fool of myself.”

“I’m really sorry, Nat…”

I smiled out of exhaustion.

“It’s really okay, babe… Just focus on how you’ll spend your time with your brother.

Yakov chuckled.

“I might even make a list of what we’ll do.”

Ilang sandali pa kaming nag-usap bago namin tinapos ang tawag. Hindi ko na rin pinahaba iyon. I was so tired. nagmamakaawa na ang utak at ang katawan ko ng pahinga.

May isang magandang bagay din pala ang nangyari sa pagbisita ng mga magulang ko. I got aware that we’ll be out of town this weekend. Maganda rin na nalaman ko agad iyon para masabihan sina Millie at Andrea. Weekends pa naman. Marami ang tao na namamasyal kapag weekends. Kailangan kong magbilin ng ilang mga bagay sa kanila.

I’ll do that tomorrow. But for now… I really need some sleep. I really need to rest. Hindi na rin muna ako bibisita sa shop ngayon.

I thought of going up to my room but I was really tired. So I closed my eyes and decided to just sleep on the couch.

Chapter 2

I stared at my reflection in the mirror, checking my makeup. Pagkatapos ay napasulyap ako sa digital clock na nakapatong sa bedside table ko. When I saw that I still had enough time, I proceeded to apply my lipstick.

Sakto lang naman ang naging kilos ko ngayon. I woke up earlier than my usual two-hour preparation time. May palagay kasi akong magiging maaga si Yakov sa pagsundo sa akin ngayon. He was too excited for this day. Buong linggo ba naman n’yang naging bukambibig ang mangyayari sa araw na ’to so I doubt that he’ll be late today.

Today is the day that his half-brother will finally visit them.

“Kayo na munang bahala sa shop, Millie, ha?” I said when I finished applying the lipstick. My phone was on a speaker at kanina pa ako nagbibilin sa kanila ni Andrea. “I’ll try to get back by Monday but I can’t promise. Hindi ko alam ang whole plan ng family ni Yakov, eh.”

Nakapagbilin na naman ako sa kanila nu’ng Thursday pa lang. I visited the shop to instruct them personally on how to handle the shop. Hindi naman ito ang unang pagkakataon na iiwanan ko sa kanila ang shop ng weekends but I just want to remind them. Ayokong magkaroon ng problema habang wala ako.

Weekends pa naman. Maraming tao. Mas mataas ang possibility na magkakaroon din kami ng maraming customer. I just want to make sure that they’ll know what to do if ever a problem might arise. Binilin ko rin kasi sa kanilang huwag muna akong tawagan for the weekend.

I think it’ll be rude din kasi na isinama lang naman ako ng family ni Yakov sa reunion nila pero trabaho ang aasikasuhin ko.

“Don’t worry, Ma’am. kaya na namin ’to ni Andrea. Enjoy na lang po kayo sa bakasyon n’yo,” said Millie from the other line.

“Hindi ’to bakasyon,” kontra ko.

At least not for me. It was Yakov’s family reunion. I don’t even think that I should be with them.

“Basta, ma’am, mag-enjoy pa rin kayo ni Sir Yakov. Bebe time na muna kayong dalawa.”

Gusto ko sanang kumontra ulit at sabihing hindi iyon ang oras para sa aming dalawa ni Yakov. He was too excited to meet his half-brother that I would fully understand if ever he wouldn’t have time to be with me. I am willing to give this time so he can bond with his brother.

I heard a car honking outside. I was sure that it was Yakov. Napatingin ako sa orasan and it was still fifteen minutes before the time he said he would fetch me. Tama nga akong magiging maaga s’ya ngayon.

Napailing na lang ako. Kaya naman pala n’yang maging maaga sa usapan kung gusto n’ya talaga.

“Sige na, Millie. Yakov’s already here,” I said, hinting that I will end the call now. “I gotta go. ’Pag may problema, uhm… do what you think is the best.”

“Copy, ma’am.”

I ended the call and checked myself in the full-length mirror. I was wearing casual clothes. A white long-sleeved close-neck chiffon blouse with front ruffles tucked in gray pants. It was comfortable for me and yet, still elegant in style.

Ang alam ko kasi, bibisita muna sa bahay nina Yakov ang kapatid n’ya bago kami pupuntang airport para sumakay sa private plane nila papuntang Siargao. His brother wanted to see their house first. After Siargao yata, dederetso na s’yang umuwi ng Russia.

Bumaba na ako dala ang travelling bag. I made sure that I secured everything first in my house before I went out and locked it.

Paglabas ko ng gate ay nakaparada sa harap ang kotse ni Yakov. Nakasandal s’ya roon at mukhang hinihintay na lang ako.

He looked good today. His light blue button-down polo shirt was tucked in his cream-colored trousers. He was wearing brown loafers. Tinaasan ko s’ya ng kilay nang lumapit s’ya sa akin para kunin ang travelling bag ko.

“Looking good, huh?” I said.

He chuckled. He looked happy as he kissed me on the cheek.

“I can’t wait to meet my brother again.”

Natawa na rin ako.

“Halata naman. Ang aga mo nga ngayon, eh.”

He let out a soft laugh as he put my bag on the backseat. Hindi ko na hinintay na pagbuksan n’ya pa ako ng pinto at sumakay na sa passenger seat ng kotse. I was putting my seatbelts on when Yakov got inside the car.

“Anong oras nga pala ang dating ng kuya mo?” I asked.

“Nine. Nando’n na nga si dad sa airport para sunduin s’ya.”

Napatango na lang ako at sinulyapan s’ya nang magsimula na s’yang magmaneho. He looked happy. Halatang-halata sa mukha n’ya ang excitement kahit hindi ko man makita ng buo. I was only looking at his side profile but I could still see his excitement.

Pati tuloy ako ay nahahawa. I feel excited to meet his brother too. I haven’t counted how many years it has been since the last time I saw him. I was so young when I first met him. Nakalimutan ko na nga kung hindi lang dahil sa pagbanggit ni Yakov tungkol sa kapatid n’ya.

I was just really curious of how he’d been. Kung ano na bang itsura n’ya ngayon. Does he have any resemblance to Yakov?  Magkamukha kaya sila?

I was just sure of one thing. The color of their eyes was different. Yakov’s brother has blue eyes while he has brown eyes. Natatandaan ko pa ngang humanga ako sa asul na mga mata ng kapatid n’ya noon.

I don’t know. I guess my younger self found it fascinating.

Wait… What was his name again? I was sure that Tita Tessa, Yakov’s mother, introduced him to me. She told me his name. Pero nakalimutan ko na ngayon.

Sinubukan kong alalahanin. I’m not sure but I know it sounded foreign and… expensive. I mean it sounded like his name came from the royals.

I frowned.

I’m getting annoyed. Hindi ko talaga maalala. Kainis.

Well, I guess it’s okay. Kahit hindi ko tanungin si Yakov ngayon, I was sure that Tita Tessa will introduce us with each other again later.

We finally arrived at their house. Hindi na inilabas ni Yakov ang bag ko dahil aalis rin naman kami mamaya para sa flight papuntang Siargao. We’ll just have breakfast here, I guess, dahil pagpasok pa lang namain ay abala ang lahat sa paghahanda ng mga pagkain sa lamesa. There were so many food ang akala ko pa ay nasa pyestahan kami.

Tita Tessa was busy with instructing the maids. Lahat ay kumikilos. Ang iba ay para sa dekorasyon ng bahay, ang iba naman ay naglilinis. Sunod-sunod ang utos ni Tita Tessa na halatang nagpapataranta sa mga katulong.

“Mom, Natalia’s here,” Yakov announced our arrival. Lumapit na rin kami sa mommy n’ya na mukhang nagulat pa nang nilingon kami.

“Natalia, hija…” She kissed me on the cheek. “I apologize for this unsightly scene before you. I just want everything to be perfect for the arrival of my son. Baka hindi na ulit bumisita kapag may hindi nagustuhan, oh, my God.”

I smiled. She looked so nervous but the excitement was also there. Alam kong mas excited pa s’ya kaysa kay Yakov. She’ll finally meet her son again after being away from him.

“It’s okay, Tita… Mas malala nga po si Yakov sa inyo,” biro ko at napansin kong napatingin kaagad sa akin si Yakov pero hindi ko s’ya binalingan. “Sa sobrang excited po n’ya, I sometimes get jealous of his brother. I don’t think he ever showed such enthusiasm when it comes to me.”

Napasinghap ang mommy ni Yakov. She looked at her son with wide eyes.

“Is it true, son?”

“No!” nagpa-panic na sagot ni Yakov na muntik ko nang tawanan. Nag-eeskandalo ang tingin na ibinigay n’ya sa akin. “Nat, that’s not true! I am even excited for you to meet my brother!”

I scowled at him.

“Nagkakilala na rin naman kaya kami noon.”

“Mga bata pa tayo no’n!”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang hampasin ni Tita Tessa sa braso si Yakov. Yakov looked surprised too when he looked at his mom.

“You! I told you to take care of Nat!” Hinampas ulit ni Tita Tessa sa braso si Yakov.

“Ouch, mom!” reklamo ni Yakov na pilit iniiwasan ang mga hampas ng nanay n’ya.

Natawa tuloy ako. He could easily block her hands but he’s not doing it. Iniiwasan n’ya na lang.

Yakov glared at me when he heard me laughing but I just gave him a smug look.

Tita Tessa always favors me over her son. Alam n’ya kasi siguro kung gaano kapilyo ang anak n’ya. Kaya kapag minsan ay nagtatalo kami, ako pa ang kinakampihan ni Tita Tessa kahit hindi n’ya pa naririnig ang buong kwento kung anong pinag-awayan namin. She always assumes that it was Yakov’s fault. Hindi naman daw ako magagalit nang walang dahilan.

Kapag rin may ginagawa si Yakov na hindi ko nagugustuhan at pinagsabihan ko na s’ya pero hindi naman n’ya tinigilan, sinasabi ko iyon kay Tita Tessa.

One thing I like about Yakov is that he respects his mother highly. That’s why I know that he won’t do anything that will hurt me ’cause he knows that his mother favors me. Takot n’ya na lang din sa nanay n’ya.

Well… Tita Tessa was like the boss in their house. Dahil kahit ang ama ni Yakov na PNP Chief ay hindi rin makapalag kay Tita Tessa.

“What is happening?”

Napatingin kaming lahat sa may pintuan nang pumasok ang tatay ni Yakov at iyon agad ang ibinungad n’ya. Hindi ko alam kung bakit parang bigla akong kinabahan.

I could hear the panic in Tita Tessa’s voice habang pinapaalis n’ya ang mga katulong na tapos na rin namang maglinis. She was thinking that her eldest son was here now dahil nandito na rin si Tito Charles.

Lumapit ako kay Yakov. Kinakabahan kasi talaga ako at hindi ko alam kung bakit. I needed some comfort for this unknown source of my feelings. Medyo kumalma naman ako nang maramdaman ko ang pagpulupot ng isang braso n’ya sa bewang ko.

“Charles, is he here?” the anticipation in Tita Tessa’s voice was so obvious.

“Napasimangot si Tito Charles.

“Won’t you greet me first?”

“Charles!” saway ni Tita Tessa. Nahalata sigurong inaasar lang s’ya ng asawa dahil kitang-kita na talaga ang excitement n’ya.

Tito Charles laughed.

“Yes, he’s here,” he said before he looked at someone outside. “Hijo, come in.”

Napahawak ako sa tela ng damit ni Yakov sa likuran n’ya dahil sa sobrang kaba habang hinihintay naming pumasok ang kapatid n’ya. We were all looking at the doorway and we all saw a man as he stepped inside the house.

Pumasok ang isang matangkad na lalaki. Sigurado akong mas matangkad pa s’ya kay Yakov. Kahit nga kay Tito Charles ay mas matangkad s’ya ng ilang pulgada. He was wearing a wayfarer so I couldn’t see his eyes. But heck… sobrang lakas ng dating n’ya. He caught all our attention just with his presence.

I don’t think it was only because we were waiting for him. Kahit maglakad lang siguro s’ya sa labas ay makukuha n’ya ang atensyon ng lahat. I don’t know but damn… There was something in him that anyone couldn’t just ignore. He was someone who’s oozing with sex appeal and confidence with a hint of danger.

He was wearing a black button-down polo shirt tucked in his black pants. His clothes were all black, even his shoes. I think it’s kinda too much for someone who would celebrate a reunion with his mother and half-brother. It was a reunion, not a funeral.

But then, there was something in me that thought he looked best in black. I don’t know… Maybe because of that mysterious vibe I could feel from him.

I noticed the silver watch on his left wrist. Iyon lang kasi ang hindi black na suot n’ya. Mula doon ay umangat pa ang tingin ko sa braso n’ya. He has muscular arms. The sleeves of his shirt were like hugging his biceps for dear life.

I also noticed that the first two buttons of his shirt were undone. I had a glimpse of his chiseled chest and also noticed his silver bar necklace.

He removed his wayfarer and our eyes immediately met.

Nagulat ako roon. My breathing hitched. Bigla rin ang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko at hindi ko alam kung bakit. No… My heart might’ve even skipped a beat. Hindi ako sigurado.

Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyayari sa akin. I couldn’t even breathe properly as I stared at his eyes. Parang nakalimutan ko na yata kung paano ang huminga. I just knew that it started as soon as our eyes met.

I remember those blue eyes. Ang asul na mga matang iyon na minsan ko na ring hinangaan sa unang kita ko pa lang. At kahit noon pa man, naramdaman ko na ang parang malakas na pwersang humihila sa akin papunta sa lalaki. Hindi ko gustong lubayan ang pwersang ’yon.

I just wanted to stare at the man.

Nasagot din ang kanina ko lang tanong sa isip ko. He looked nothing like Yakov. He looked so mature. Makapal ang mga kilay na bumagay sa mga mata n’yang mabigat kung tumingin. Parang nakakaubos ng lakas. It was like he was sucking all my energy just by staring at me and I couldn’t resist that force.

He has a sharp nose with a high bridge and reddish lips. I don’t even know why but his bow-shaped lips looked seductive to me. His black hair was brushed upwards. He’s also a bit tan in color while Yakov has a fair complexion.

I have never seen anyone who looked so manly in my entire life. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I couldn’t understand what I was feeling as I stared at him. The air even seemed like it had gotten warm. Or is it my body?

Bakit parang nag-iinit ang katawan ko ngayong nakatitig lang naman ako sa kanya? I even wanted to get near him. At hindi ko magawang labanan ang pwersang iyon.

“Kuya!”

Nabigla pa ako nang marinig ang boses ni Yakov. Napatingin ako sa boyfriend ko na nasa tabi ko lang.

What the hell? Nasa tabi ko ang boyfriend ko pero kung ano-ano ang naiisip ko habang nakatitig sa ibang lalaki!

Yakov was looking at his brother with a wide smile on his face. His eyes were even twinkling. Bumitiw pa s’ya sa akin para lapitan ang kapatid n’ya. He hugged him and his brother looked surprised at what he did. Ilang sandaling parang naestatwa lang ang kapatid n’ya, mukhang hindi rin alam ang gagawin.

Muling nagtama ang paningin namin at nahigit ko na naman ang paghinga ko. I just stared at him as I had no idea what to do. He stared back at me for a few seconds before he finally acknowledged Yakov. He tapped him twice on the back before Yakov finally released him with a chuckle.

“You’ve grown, Yakov,” he said and I noticed his accent.

Russian accent and fuck… Why does it sound so sexy?

“You too!” Yakov exclaimed. “Mas tumangkad ka pa lalo!”

It’s true. His brother was really tall. Yakov was just under his chin considering that he’s already tall kaya hanggang balikat lang siguro ako ng kapatid n’ya.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I mean—” Yakov started to apologize but his brother cut him.

“I can understand… Though I’m still learning the language.”

“That’s cool!” masayang sabi ni Yakov na mas nadagdagan lang yata ang paghanga para sa kapatid.

“Serj, hijo…” Tita Tessa walked towards him and hugged him. “My son…”

At first, his face was void of any emotion. He was just standing still, not returning his mother’s hug.

Then his hand lightly held his mother’s back. Sandali lang iyon na parang hindi pa nga yata lumapat ang kamay n’ya sa likod ni Tita Tessa. Pero humiwalay na rin agad s’ya ng yakap.

“Gutom ka na ba? Do you want to eat first? Napagod ka ba sa byahe?” sunod-sunod na tanong ni Tita Tessa.

I was expecting him to answer his mom’s questions kaya naman nagulat ako nang lumingon s’ya sa gawi ko. I even squeaked a little out of shock. Bahagya rin akong napapitlag sa muling pagtatama ng paningin namin.

Shit… What the hell is happening to me?

“Won’t you introduce the girl first?” he asked.

Nagtinginan tuloy sa akin ang lahat. Mukhang doon lang din naalala ni Yakov na nandoon pa ako.

“Oh, right!”

Lumapit sa akin si Yakov at hinapit ako sa bewang. He urged me to walk near his brother with him. I was about to protest. Hindi kasi ako makalma dahil hindi ko alam kung ano ’tong nararamdaman ko. But Yakov’s holding my waist kaya wala akong nagawa kundi ang lumapit na rin nang maglakad s’ya palapit sa kapatid n’ya.

Tumigil kami sa harapan ng kapatid n’ya. Now, I even forgot how to breathe. Being near him was nerve-wracking. We’re not even touching but… my body began to tremble.

I caught his scent. The scent of sandalwood that just added to his… sex appeal.

“Kuya, I want you to meet Natalia Nicole Gonzales. My girlfriend.”

I noticed his left eyebrow raised pero mabilis ring ibinaba. He looked at me from head-to-toe and I almost squirmed on my place. Ramdam na ramdam ko kasi ang paghagod ng tingin n’ya sa buong katawan ko na para bang hinahaplos n’ya ang bawat parte ng katawan kong dinadaanan ng paningin n’ya.

What the hell?

“Sergei Alexandrovich Romanov.” He offered his hand for a handshake. “Just call me Serj.”

Napatitig lang ako sa kamay n’yang nakalahad sa akin. I wanted to accept it, to touch it. Pero may nagsasabi rin sa akin na sa oras na magdampi ang mga balat namin, malaki ang magbabago. Like I’ll never be the same again.

But… everyone’s waiting. It’ll be weird kung hindi ko tatanggapin ang pakikipagkamay n’ya.

So, despite all the warning in my mind, slowly, I reached for his hand and accepted his handshake.

Napasinghap ako nang maglapat ang mga palad namin. Parang bigla akong nakuryente. I was even sure that I felt a spark that traveled to my entire body. Hindi ko alam kung naramdaman iyon ni Serj.

I looked at him to check and immediately regretted it. The look in his eyes was of a predator looking at his prey. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. Mas bumibilis ang tibok ng puso ko kasabay ng mas lalong pag-iinit ng buong katawan ko.

His hold was firm and his hand enveloped my hand. The warmth of his hand was so comfortable. It was too comforting for me that I didn’t want to let go of his hand and just wanted to feel his warmth.

No… I wanted more…

My lips parted. I started breathing heavily. Mas nadadagdagan pa ang pag-iinit ng buong katawan ko. The look in his eyes, the warmth of his hand was so dangerous it made my whole body tremble.

Bago pa may makahalata ng nangyayari sa akin ay binitiwan ko na ang kamay n’ya. Ilang sandaling nasa ere lang ang kamay ni Serj so I looked at him. I was so sure I saw that little smirk on his lips before he put his hands inside the pocket of his pants.

“Serj, hijo… Should we eat or do you wanna take a look around the house first?” Tita Tessa asked.

Napalingon si Serj kay Tita Tessa. He glanced at me before he looked at his mother again.

“I wanna eat first,” he said.

Hindi ko alam pero ramdam ko ang pamumula ko sa sinabi n’ya. He didn’t even say something wrong!

I sighed.

Two days.

Whatever I’m feeling, I have to endure it for two days.

Chapter 3

It was already past noon when we finally got to Siargao. The rest house was located near Cloud 9 which was good since Yakov and Serj had plans of surfing. Sa naririnig kong usapan nila, sa tingin ko pa nga ay iyon lang ang gagawin nila sa buong dalawang araw.

Ah, no… It was only Yakov who’s talking. Paminsan-minsan ay sinasagot din naman s’ya ng kapatid n’ya kapag nagtatanong s’ya but it was mostly a short answer. Pero hindi naman pinapansin iyon ni Yakov at patuloy lang sa pagpaplano ng gagawin nila.

Maybe Serj was tired. Galing pa s’yang Russia at dumiretso agad dito sa Siargao. Hindi pa s’ya nakakapagpahinga.

Walang masyadong tao sa parte kung saan nakatayo ang rest house kahit na madami ang turistang namamasyal ngayon. Well, it was private property. Isang lodging house ang madadaanan muna bago ang rest house pero hindi rin naman ganoon kalapit ang distansya ng dalawa kaya madalang na talaga ang mga tao sa parte ng rest house.

The rest house has two floors and has a Bahay-Kubo design. It still looked so modern as the walls were painted in white but the window borders were painted in brown just like the color of the cogon that was used as the roof. There was a wide veranda on the second floor, overlooking the beachfront.

Sinalubong kami ng isang matandang babae at isang matandang lalaki nang makarating kami. Sila raw ang mag-asawang nag-aalaga sa rest house. Tita Tessa looked so happy when she introduced Serj to them.

“Kagwapo naman pala ng una n’yong anak, ma’am!” rinig kong sabi ni Mang Elmer nang matitigan n’ya si Serj. “Halatang may lahi!”

“Sinong mas pogi sa ’min ni kuya, Mang Elmer?” Yakov had a smirk on his lips when he asked that. Napatingin tuloy sa kanya ang matandang lalaki na tinawanan s’ya.

“Sir Yakov! Natutuwa akong nakabalik ulit kayo rito.” Napasulyap sa akin si Mang Elmer. May pagtataka sa mga mata n’ya.

“Hindi n’yo man lang ho sinagot ’yung tanong ko,” Yakov faked a frown. Muling tumawa si Mang Elmer at sinulyapan ulit ako. Parang kinikilala kung sino ako.

“She’s Yakov’s girlfriend.” It was Serj who introduced me.

I looked at Serj, surprised at what he just did but he wasn’t looking at me. He was just looking straight at the old man without any expression on his face. Hindi ko tuloy alam kung naiinis ba s’ya dahil s’ya pa ang kinailangang magsabi sa mag-asawa kung sino ako.

I didn’t ask him to introduce me to them though. Kaya ko namang ipakilala ang sarili ko.

“Aba’y talaga ba?” Aling Corazon looked surprised as she looked at Yakov, waiting for his confirmation. “Kagaling mo palang pumili, hijo!”

Yakov just chuckled and grabbed me by the waist. Napangiti ako sa mag-asawa.

“Nice meeting you ho.”

“Ako rin, hija.” Napatingin si Aling Corazon sa aming lahat. “O, s’ya. Pumasok na kayo para naman makapagpahinga na kayo. Magluluto na ako ng tanghalian n’yo.”

“Ako na ho,” Tita Tessa said as she glanced at Serj with a smile. “Gusto kong ipagluto ang panganay ko.”

Napatingin ako kay Serj na hindi man lang nagbago ang ekspresyon ng mukha. Ni hindi man lang ngumiti sa sinabi ni Tita Tessa.

I frowned. Well, I’ve heard that Russians, especially men, were cold-hearted. Some said that it wasn’t true but I guess it was because that was how they were portrayed in the movies. But Russians don’t smile a lot. I’ve heard that it was considered impolite if they smile in public. 

So, I guess that’s why Serj doesn’t look friendly to me. Nakangiti na sa kanya ang lahat pero hindi ko man lang s’ya nakikita pang ngumiti.

“You know, Serj, this rest house is our gift for Yakov nu’ng fifteenth birthday n’ya. Ganu’ng edad s’ya kasi nagkainteres sa surfing,” Tita Tessa said.

“A rest house? For a birthday gift?” I could hear the sarcasm in Serj’s voice. Para bang nagulat sa nalaman.

We had the same reaction. The rest house was really beautiful. Alam ko rin naman na afford nga nila ni Tito Charles ang ganito pero nakakagulat ding malaman na iniregalo nila ito kay Yakov.

I saw Tita Tessa’s smile faltered pero nakabawi rin agad.

“Naisipan din naming bilhin as a vacation house. Para kapag gusto naming magbakasyon, may matutuluyan kami. And of course, if we want to celebrate something out-of-town, we do it here.”

“Hm,” was the only reaction she got from Serj. He didn’t even look like he was interested in what his mom was saying.

I know that Tita Tessa noticed it too. She looked sad looking at her son. Pero nang tumingin sa amin ay ngumiti ulit.

“C’mon. Let’s go inside,” she said and we all agreed.

Malawak ang loob ng rest house. The center was the wide living room. Wala akong TV na nakita. Sa tingin ko rin naman ay hindi na kailangan dahil maganda ang paligid. It would be a waste not to appreciate the place by just watching TV.

Ilang hakbang mula sa sala ay ang kusina na. Nakita ko sa countertop na nakahanda na ang mga ingredients at mga gamit sa pagluluto. Mukhang magsisimula na sanang magluto si Aling Corazon bago kami dumating.

May dalawang kwarto sa baba at ang tatlo naman ay nasa itaas. Ang unang kwarto ay para kina Tito Charles at Tita Tessa. Ang pangalawa ay para sa amin ni Yakov. Sa dulo ang para kay Serj.

“Are you gonna rest first, anak?” Tita Tessa asked before Serj could open the door to his room.

Ano ’yon? Papasok na lang s’ya basta?

Maybe he’s just really tired?

“No,” maikli n’yang sagot.

“Wala ka bang jetlag?” may pag-aalalang tanong ni Tita Tessa.

“I’m okay. I don’t want to waste the weekend by sleeping,” he said.

“Magluluto ng tanghalian natin ang mommy mo,” Tito Charles said. “Kumain ka muna para may lakas ka.”

Serj just nodded and didn’t say another word as he entered his room. Pumasok na rin naman kami ni Yakov sa magiging kwarto namin pero nandoon pa rin ang gulat para sa mga kinikilos ni Serj.

Are Russians really like that? Serj looked so serious… and mature. Parang ang hirap patawanin. Mahirap pangitiin. Ibang-iba kay Yakov na may pagka-immature pa rin hanggang ngayon.

O baka dahil ngayon n’ya na lang ulit nakita sina Tita Tessa at Yakov? It’s been so long since he last came here. I understand why he looked so guarded. Hindi n’ya nakasama nang matagal ang ina at kapatid n’ya. They were like strangers to each other.

But Tita Tessa and Yakov were trying. Sana naman ay ganoon din s’ya.

Hindi ko na inilabas ang lahat ng mga damit ko mula sa travelling bag. We will only stay here for two days. Hindi ko nga alam kung bukas na ba kami uuwi o sa Monday pa. Basta ay nagdala na lang ako ng mga damit na good for four days din in case hindi agad kami makauwi bukas.

I was sitting on the edge of the bed, fixing my things habang si Yakov ay nakahiga pero hindi naman natutulog. Nagpapahinga lang siguro. He was just watching me. Nakatagilid s’ya at nakatukod ang isang siko sa kama habang ang kamay ay sinusuportahan ang ulo n’ya.

“Ang akala ko du’n ka rin sa kwarto ng kuya mo matutulog,” I said. Nang nilingon ko s’ya ay mukha s’yang nagulat sa sinabi ko.

“Ano ka ba? Hindi na kami mga bata para isang kwarto lang ang gamitin. I know how to keep my distance and give his privacy.”

Napakibit-balikat lang ako. Iyon talaga ang akala ko. I couldn’t help but think like that. He was so excited to bond with his brother so I really thought na hindi n’ya talaga lulubayan ang kapatid n’ya.

“Though I sometimes wish na sana naranasan namin ni kuya ’yung ganu’ng phase,” Yakov said. Umayos na s’ya ng pagkakahiga at tumitig sa kisame. “’Yung bang kapag nagising ako dahil sa masamang panaginip, pupunta ko sa kwarto n’ya para tumabi sa kanyang matulog para hindi na ako matakot. I really wanted a childhood like that.”

Napatigil ako sa pag-aayos ng gamit ko at napatingin na lang kay Yakov. He never complained once in his life, living like an only child dahil hindi n’ya nakasama ang half-brother n’ya. I never thought that he had a thought like this.

“But it’s okay now,” sabi ni Yakov nang nakangiti. He looked at me. “At least ngayon, nandito na si kuya. I finally have a chance to bond with him as brothers.”

I smiled back at him.

“Good for you.”

He chuckled. Bumalik ako sa pag-aayos ng mga gamit ko pero napatingin ulit kay Yakov nang mabilis s’yang napabangon sa kama. He looked at me with a frown on his face.

“Bakit nga pala nabanggit mo ’yon?” he asked. “Ayaw mo bang magkasama tayo sa iisang kwarto?”

Napakurap ako. Pagkatapos ay napailing.

“Hindi naman. Iyon lang talaga ang akala ko.”

“Well, kung gusto mo namang magkahiwalay tayo ng kwarto, pwede naman.”

Hmm? Lilipat s’ya sa kwarto sa baba?

“Pwede mo namang gamitin ’yung kwarto sa baba. Nilinis rin naman na ’yon ni Aling Corazon,” Yakov said.

Huh… Why did I even feel disappointed with what he said? I should’ve thought like that. This was technically his rest house. S’ya ang mas may karapatan sa mga kwarto rito at kung anong gagamitin n’ya. Of course, katabi ng kwartong ’to ang kwarto ni Serj.

Wala lang. I just thought that… he would at least offer to use the room downstairs dahil kung sakali ay ako lang mag-isa sa baba dahil nandito silang lahat. Not that I was thinking that something might happen but… This was my first time here in Siargao and I wouldn’t want to be left alone.

“No, hindi na,” sabi kong umiling pa. “Okay naman ako kung magkasama tayo sa iisang kwarto.”

Yakov chuckled.

“Akala ko ngayon ka pa mag-iinarte, eh. Para namang hindi ka pa nasanay nu’ng mga bata pa tayo na magkatabi tayong natutulog minsan.”

Hindi ko na napigilan ang makaramdam ng inis sa sinabi n’ya. He didn’t really say that, did he? Anong pag-iinarte ang sinasabi n’ya?

“As you’ve said, mga bata pa tayo no’n, Yakov. Hindi pa fully developed ang sense of awareness ko noon. At sabi mo rin, minsan lang ’yon. I just thought that you would act like a gentleman and let me have this room for myself.”

He looked at me like I’d just said something weird.

“Why would I? Katabi ng kwartong ’to ang kwarto ni kuya. Tsaka rest house ko ’to. Gagamitin ko ang kwartong gusto ko.”

Napahugot na lang ako nang malalim na buntong-hininga. I gave him a helpless look.

“Yeah… Iyon rin nga ang naisip ko kanina.”

Kaysa sa madagdagan lang ang inis ko, tumayo ako at hindi na itinuloy ang pag-aayos ng gamit ko. I could do it later. Gusto ko lang munang makalayo kay Yakov dahil nagsisimula na naman akong mairita sa kanya.

“Saan ka pupunta?” he asked when I got out of bed.

“Tutulong na lang muna ako kay Tita Tessa sa pagluluto,” I said without looking at him. “Ikaw? Dito ka lang?”

“I’ll just rest a bit while waiting for kuya. Maliligo raw muna s’ya, eh.”

Sasabihin ko sanang masamang maligo kapag pagod pero tinanguan ko na lang s’ya. Galing pang Russia si Serj at dumeretso agad dito. I bet the first thing he wanted to do was to take a shower.

Lumabas na ako ng kwarto at bumaba na para pumunta sa kusina. Nakita ko si Tita Tessa na abala sa paghihiwa ng mga ingredients. Aling Corazon was there to help her dahil masyadong marami ang mga sangkap na nandoon.

“Parang ang dami yata ng lulutuin n’yo, Tita, ah?” I said as I approached her.

She smiled. Saglit lang akong sinulyapan at bumalik ulit sa ginagawa. Pareho sila ni Aling Corazon na binabalatan ang mga bawang.

“Limang putahe sana ang lulutuin ko,” she said. “Para maraming mapagpilian si Serj.”

Napangiti ako.

“Baka magtampo si Yakov n’yan, Tita,” biro ko.

“Iluluto ko rin naman ’yung paborito n’yang sweet and chili crab.”

“Sa tingin ko rin naman, Tita, hindi magtatampo si Yakov kung ang kuya n’ya muna ang aasikusahin n’yo,” I said. “Mukha rin namang bumabawi si Yakov sa kuya n’ya.”

Napatango si Tita Tessa. She was now smiling softly. The look in her eyes looked so motherly.

“Sobrang sabik si Yakov na makasama ang kuya n’ya. Naaawa nga ako sa batang ’yon, eh. Gustong-gustong magkaroon ng kapatid. Kaya alam ko na masaya s’ya ngayong pumayag ang kuya n’yang bumisita rito.”

“Ikaw rin naman, Tita. Halatang masaya kayo na nakasama n’yo na ang anak mo.”

She looked at me and the look on her face almost made me tear up. I saw hope and regret in her eyes at alam ko kung para saan iyon. She was regretting those times na hindi man lang n’ya nakasama ang anak but now that he’s here, she was hoping that she could at least make up with those times.

“May pagkakataon na akong makabawi sa kanya,” she even said. “Akala ko nga hindi na s’ya ulit bibisita rito. Kaya naman sobrang saya kong pumayag s’yang makasama kami ngayon. It means that Serj is giving me a chance to be his mother.”

“Ramdam siguro ng bata ang kagustuhan mong bumawi, Tessa,” sabi ni Aling Corazon na kanina pa nakikinig. “Kapag naman taos sa puso ang gusto mong pagbawi, mararamdaman n’ya ’yon.”

Nakita ko ang pangingilid ng luha sa mga mata ni Tita Tessa nang tumingin s’ya sa matanda.

“Sana nga ho, Aling Corazon. Alam ko namang kahit hindi sabihin ni Serj, may pagtatampo s’ya sa ’kin. Who wouldn’t when his mother abandoned him? Tapos nagkaroon pa ako ng ibang pamilya. Kahit gusto kong bumawi kay Serj noon, hindi ko magawa.”

“Hindi n’yo na ho binisita sa Russia si Serj?” I asked.

Napayuko si Tita Tessa at pinagpatuloy ang ginawang pagbabalat sa bawang.

“Ayoko nang bumalik sa lugar na ’yon,” sagot n’yang hindi man lang ako tinignan.

I wanted to ask why? She left her son in a place that she didn’t even want to visit again. Gusto ko ring tanungin kung bakit iniwan n’ya ang anak n’ya roon kung wala rin naman s’yang planong bumalik pa sa bansang iyon.

But I don’t want to cross the line. Base pa naman sa nakikita kong ekspresyon ni Tita Tessa ngayon, mukhang hirap na hirap s’yang banggitin man lang ang lugar. Something must’ve happened kaya hindi na n’ya ulit mabalikan ang lugar.

But still, I could understand if Serj would feel like his mother abandoned him. Medyo humanga tuloy ako sa kanya ngayong binigyan n’ya ng pagkakataon si Tita Tessa na makabawi sa kanya.

“Nat, hija, stop that,” nagulat ako nang kunin ni Tita Tessa mula sa mga kamay ko ang bawang na binabalatan ko. “Hayaan mo na lang kami rito. Hindi naman kita pinasama para lang tulungan mo kami. Go, have fun. Yakov wants you to bond with his brother too.”

Bond? I don’t think that we could bond. Serj looked too serious for me. Parang ang hirap kausapin.

“Nasa taas pa po sila, eh. Yakov’s waiting for his brother,” I said.

“Ha? Kakikita ko pa lang sa kanilang bumaba. Lumabas na yata,” sabi ni Aling Corazon. Nakatalikod kasi ako sa hagdanan at s’ya naman ay nakaharap doon kaya nakikita n’ya kung sino ang umaakyat o bumababa.

Napatingin tuloy ako sa labas. Bumaba na pala ’yung dalawa? Lumabas pa? Ni hindi man lang nagpaalam? Si Yakov talagang iniwan na ako rito.

“Sige na, hija. Sundan mo na lang ’yung dalawa. Kami na ang bahala rito,” sabi pa ni Tita Tessa kaya wala akong nagawa kundi ang lumabas na nga.

They didn’t want me there. Ayoko namang makaistorbo sa kanila. Isa pa, Tita Tessa already said na s’ya ang magluluto para nga makabawi kay Serj. Sa tingin ko rin naman ay sapat na si Aling Corazon para makatulong sa kanya. Makakagulo lang yata ako sa kanila.

Hindi pa naman nakakalayo sina Serj at Yakov. Nakita ko silang naglalakad kaya humabol ako sa kanila. Nakapagpalit na si Yakov ng isang tshirt at board shorts. Ganoon rin ang suot ni Serj pero kahit iyon lang at nakatalikod s’ya sa gawi ko ay nandoon na naman ang pwersang humihigit sa akin papunta sa kanya.

“Yakov!”

Pareho pa silang napatigil at lumingon sa akin sa pagtawag ko. I kept my eyes on my boyfriend as I walked towards them. Ramdam ko ang pagbaon ng mga paa ko sa buhanginan. Kahit ang ihip ng hangin na sariwa sa pakiramdaman.

I was trying to distract myself. Anything. Basta hindi lang ako mapatingin sa lalaking nakatayo sa tabi ni Yakov.

May palagay kasi akong hindi ko na mababawi ang tingin ko sa oras na tignan ko s’ya. Something’s really happening to me. I feel like I wanted to be near him. I wanted to feel his presence. I wanted to look at him.

It was hard to ignore Serj especially when I knew that he was looking at me. His gaze felt so hot on my skin. Pinapanood n’ya rin ang paglalakad ko palapit sa kanya. Na-conscious tuloy ako sa paglalakad ko.

How do I look when I’m walking? How about my arms? Saan ko ba ilalagay ang mga kamay ko habang naglalakad?

Shit. Now I am beginning to question the way I walk when I’ve been naturally doing it ever since I started to learn how to walk!

“Saan kayo pupunta?” tanong ko kay Yakov nang sa wakas ay makalapit na ako.

But my eyes betrayed me. Hindi ko na napigilan ang mapatingin kay Serj. He was also looking at me. His blue eyes looked lighter under the sunlight. His gaze was focused only at me na para bang walang ibang tao sa paligid. Prente lang s’yang nakatayo at ang mga kamay ay nasa loob ng bulsa ng shorts n’ya.

He was wearing a gray shirt. Manipis iyon kaya bumabakat sa katawan n’ya. His shoulders looked so broad and his chest looked chiseled. Like it would feel nice to lean on it.

“Titingin kami ng surfboard.”

Pinilit ko pa ang sarili kong mapatingin kay Yakov nang magsalita s’ya. Nag-alala pa ako na baka nahalata n’ya ang pagtitig ko sa kapatid n’ya. Hindi na lang ulit ako tumingin sa gawi ni Serj kahit ramdam ko pa rin ang init ng titig n’ya.

“Magse-surf na agad kayo?” I asked. “Kararating lang natin, ah?”

“Hindi.” Yakov shook his head. “Titingin lang kami ng pwedeng i-rent. Baka magkaubusan na kasi mamaya.”

“Ah, magpapa-reserve kayo?”

I was fidgeting. Shit. Itinago ko na lang ang mga kamay ko sa likuran dahil bigla ay hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin sa mga kamay ko.

“Hm.” Yakov nodded. “Sama ka?”

I was thankful that he asked that. Hindi ko na kasi alam kung anong ginagawa ko ngayon at kung bakit kinakausap ko s’ya. I couldn’t concentrate on our conversation as I was conscious of how Serj looked at me.

“Oo sana. Pinaalis ako ng Tita Tessa sa kusina, eh.”

Yakov chuckled as he took my hand. Nagsimula na kaming maglakad. Nasa gilid ako ni Yakov at sa kaliwa n’ya naman ay ang kuya n’ya. Yakov was in between us but, shit… I was still fully aware of his presence.

“When did you learn how to surf, kuya?” rinig kong tanong ni Yakov. Nakinig lang ako sa usapan nila. Deretso lang akong nakatingin sa dinaraanan namin.

“I was eight when my father started to teach me,” Serj answered. His voice sounded guttural. Harsh and low.

“Ang bata mo pa nu’n, ah?” Yakov commented.

“Hm? Was I?” Serj chuckled.

That chuckle almost made me stop on my tracks. What the hell? That sounds so… hot and seductive.

“Father didn’t think like that though,” he said.

“That’s cool!” tuwang-tuwang sabi ni Yakov. I bet his eyes were twinkling too. Hindi lang ako makatingin sa kanya dahil ’pag ginawa ko ’yon ay nasa line of sight ko na rin ang kuya n’ya. “I kinda feel envious that it was your father who taught you how to surf. Si dad kasi, hindi marunong mag-surf.”

I heard Serj scoff.

“Yeah… Father taught me a lot of things.”

I wasn’t sure if I heard sarcasm or bitterness in his tone. I tried to steal a glance at him to confirm. There was a smirk on his lips, not a smile. Hindi ko pa talaga s’ya nakikitang ngumiti. So, I think I just heard it worng.

Nagulat ako nang sumulyap rin s’ya sa gawi ko. I almost yelped and looked away quickly. Bigla ang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko dahil nahuli n’ya akong nakatingin sa kanya.

That was so embarrasing!

I heard Serj chuckle. Napatingin sa kanya si Yakov, siguro ay nagtataka sa mahinang pagtawa ng kapatid. On the corner of my eyes, I saw Serj shook his head at him.

Damn it. I am too conscious of him.

Nagsisimula na akong mainis sa sarili ko. Hindi ko alam kung makakatagal pa ako ng ganito.

Chapter 4

Sa labas pa lang ng shop ay may naka-display nang mga surfboard sa magkabilang gilid ng entrance. Gawang kawayan ang mga dingding at ang bubong ay gawa sa cogon. It really gave me the local shop vibes.

“Kilala ko ang may-ari nito, kuya,” Yakov said as we stopped at the entrance.

“Madalas ka rito?” I heard Serj ask.

Nagulat ako sa biglang pagta-Tagalog n’ya kaya napatingin pa ako sa kanya. That was the first time I heard him speak the language. He already mentioned that he was still trying to learn the language and he was not fluent yet. Kaya naman nagulat talaga ako na ganitong kagaling ang pagsasalita n’ya.

I didn’t hear any accent as he spoke. Although I wasn’t sure since those were only three words. Maybe it wouldn’t have been the same if he spoke longer sentences.

But still… nagulat pa rin ako.

Wait… Why am I even fussing over this? Marami naman akong kilala na hindi Filipino ang first language nila but I didn’t make a fuss when they spoke the language. I didn’t react like this. I didn’t give it any thought. They didn’t make me curious like what Serj is doing to me.

Uh… I really need to get hold of myself.

Napansin ko ang ginawang pagsulyap sa akin ni Yakov. I thought that he was going to say something to me pero binalingan n’ya ang kapatid.

“Hindi naman,” he said. “Let’s go inside.”

Naunang pumasok si Yakov. Hindi ako sumunod at hinintay na pumasok na si Serj. Sila naman kasi talaga ang may gagawin sa shop na ’yon at sumama lang ako. I’ll just follow them both.

Pero nanatiling nakatayo lang si Serj kaya napatingin na ako sa kanya. Wala na sana akong balak na tignan s’ya. Iniiwasan ko pa ngang mapatingin sa kanya but I was curious as to why he still wasn’t entering the shop to follow Yakov inside.

I was surprised when I saw him looking at me too. Sulyap lang sana ang gagawin ko pero dahil sa gulat ay nagtagal ang tingin ko sa kanya. I was curious, wondering why he was looking at me in the first place.

But as seconds went by, hindi na iyon ang dahilan kung bakit tumagal ang tingin ko sa kanya. I just… couldn’t look away.

Bakit ba parang nawawalan ako ng lakas sa tuwing tumitingin ako sa kanya? Lalo na kapag nagkakasalubong ang mga mata namin?

Naiisip ko tuloy na baka hindi s’ya ordinaryong tao. That he had some ability to make people feel this way towards him.

But… That’s not even possible, right?

What the hell is happening to me? Why am I feeling this way towards him?

I don’t know… Nagsisimula na talaga akong matakot. I know that I should stay away from him. Magagawa ko ’yon.

Two days.

“Aren’t you going in?”

Nagulat pa ako sa biglang pagsasalita n’ya. Nagtaka rin yata na nakatingin lang ako sa kanya. Ibig sabihin, huling-huli n’ya ang pagtitig ko!

Shit! Ilang segundo ba ’yon? Gaanong katagal ba ako nakatitig lang sa kanya?

Nakakahiya!

I could feel my face heat up. Namumula na ako ngayon kaya nag-iwas na ako ng tingin.

“I was waiting for you to go in before me.” Sinubukan kong sulyapan s’ya saglit.

I saw him raise an eyebrow at me.

“Hmm?” He looked confused.

“Well… Kayo naman talaga ni Yakov ang may business dito. Sumama lang ako so…” I trailed off.

Teka nga. Bakit ba naging big deal ang bagay na ’to?

Serj titled his head as he stared at me. Ilang sandali n’ya akong tinitigan bago s’ya naglahad ng kamay sa direksyon ng entrance, motioning me to go in first.

“Lady’s first,” he said.

I blushed. It was just a simple gesture but it had a great effect on me.

The heck?

“Kuya, halika na!” narinig naming tawag ni Yakov mula sa loob. Tinanaw n’ya kami mula sa labas and he had this impatient mixed with curiosity look on his face.

Napatingin ako kay Serj. He gave me an encouraging nod.

I sighed.

“Thanks,” sabi ko at pumasok na sa loob ng shop.

Nang makapasok ako ay saka ko pa lang pinakawalan ang hiningang kanina ko pa pala pinipigilan. It was just too hard to breathe when he was around! I always feel too conscious!

Gaya na lang ngayon. Hindi yata magandang ideya na ako ang naunang pumasok kaysa sa kanya. He was walking behind me and I could feel his stares on me.

Huh? He’s looking at me?

“Kuya, pili na lang daw tayo,” sabi ni Yakov nang makalapit kami sa kanya. Nakatingin s’ya sa taong nasa likuran ko. “Then, we can get it later if we go surfing.”

“Alright,” I heard Serj say but I didn’t look back at him.

Nagsimulang mag-ikot-ikot si Yakov sa loob ng shop. Sinusundan ko lang s’ya na mukhang namimili na ng surfboard pero ramdam ko rin ang pagsunod ni Serj sa likuran ko. Alam kong nakasunod s’ya kahit hindi ko na lingunin.

Sobrang lakas kasi ng presensya n’ya. It was really hard trying to ignore him.

May hinawakan na surfboard si Yakov na nakasandal. He looked interested but as soon as he touched it, he frowned. Ibinalik n’ya ang board sa pagkakasandal at nagpatuloy sa paglalakad.

Pero mukhang hindi yata maayos ang pagkakabalik n’ya sa surfboard. The surfboard was about to fall at dahil nakasunod ako kay Yakov ay sa akin mahuhulog iyon. I tried to brace myself from the impact but a hand already stopped the surfboard from falling.

I turned around to see who it was and saw Serj towering over me. Alam kong matangkad s’ya pero ngayon, mas naramdaman ko iyon. His shadow was casting over me. Nakatingala ako sa kanya at wala nang ibang makita ang paningin ko kundi s’ya lang. I felt so small.

We were so close. Amoy na amoy ko ang pabangong ginamit n’ya. Suddenly, I had this urge to bury my face in his chest and fill my nose with his scent.

Even my thoughts were filled with him. On how he looked so tall. On how he made me feel so secure, so safe.

His eyes were glaring at something behind me. At dahil magkalapit kami ay mas natitigan ko ang mga mata n’ya. His eyes had a pale blue shade but it seemed darker now that he looked… mad. Pero nawala ang emosyon na iyon sa mga mata n’ya nang tumingin sa akin.

“Careful,” he said. No. More like he whispered and damn me for feeling something when I heard that.

“Huh? Oh.” Iyon lang ang nasabi ko. Gusto ko na lang pukpukin ang ulo ko dahil mukha siguro akong tanga!

“Are you alright?” he asked. Na-weird-uhan na siguro sa inaasal ko.

I looked away as I realized that I really couldn’t get a hold of myself whenever I looked at him.

“Thanks,” I said.

Lumayo na ako sa kanya at sinundan ang boyfriend ko. My heart was thumping crazily inside my chest. I bet that I was even blushing right now. Mabuti na lang at hindi napansin ni Yakov nang makalapit ako sa kanya dahil nakatingin s’ya sa kapatid.

“Kuya, ’eto. Mukhang maganda.” Itinuro n’ya ang isang surfboard.

Serj checked the board. His eyebrows creased a little.

“I don’t think this is the right board for you,” he said. “You should consider the volume and weight when choosing. Also, your skills. This one’s for an expert surfer.”

“Can you help me choose?”

Nag-usap pa ang dalawa. Serj was giving advice to Yakov on how to choose a good surfboard. He looked so serious as he explained everything to his brother. Si Yakov rin naman ay seryosong nakikinig sa kapatid at kung minsan ay nagtatanong pa. They were saying things that only they could understand. 

Looking at them, they looked like normal brothers. Parang hindi ilang taon ang lumipas mula nang huli silang magkita.

Nang makapili na sila ay kinausap na ni Yakov ang owner para ipa-reserve ang mga surfboard. Pumayag naman ang owner dahil kilala na rin si Yakov. After that, we decided to go back to the resthouse.

Mukhang katatapos lang ding magluto nina Aling Corazon at Tita Tessa. Naabutan namin silang naghahanda na ng mga pagkain sa hapag. Tito Charles was already sitting at the head of the table.

“Nandyan na pala ang mga bata,” Tito Charles said when he spotted us.

Napatingin sa amin si Tita Tessa matapos ilagay ang kanin sa gitna ng table. She smiled widely at us.

“Sakto lang ang dating n’yo,” she said.

“Dad, naman… Hindi na kami mga bata,” reklamo ni Yakov na pumasok na at umupo sa kaliwang bahagi ng table. Binakantehan n’ya ang isang upuan sa mismong kaliwa ni Tito Charles. I bet he wanted Serj to sit on it dahil ang upuan na ’yon ay katapat ng magiging pwesto ni Tita Tessa.

Tita Tessa walked towards Serj. She hooked her arm to his as she tried to guide him to his seat.

“I cooked for you, anak,” rinig ko ang pagmamalaki sa boses ni Tita Tessa. “You should try the sweet and chili crab. Favorite ’yon ni Yakov.”

“Mom’s really a good cook, kuya,” Yakov proudly said.

“That’s true. Mas nagkalaman ako since I’ve married Tessa,” it was Tito Charles.

I remember Tito Charles’ body being not too muscular when he was still single. He is gym buff now compared to before. Pero may palagay ako na kung hindi nagji-gym si Tito Charles, mas malaman pa s’ya ngayon. He took care of his body since he’s the chief of PNP. Baka raw mahirapan s’yang tumakbo in case na may habulang maganap sa trabaho n’ya.

Yakov was the same too. Pareho silang maalaga sa katawan ng daddy n’ya. Though I would understand if both of them would gain weight. Kahit din naman kasi ako ay napaparami ng kain kapag luto ni Tita Tessa.

I noticed Serj surveyed the food on the table with his eyes. Dahil nasa tabing-dagat ay mga seafood lahat ang nakahain. There were crabs, shrimps, scallops, and squids. Iba’t iba ang mga luto at hindi ko na kilala ang iba. They looked mouth-watering.

Nakaramdam tuloy ako ng gutom. Alam ko pa namang masarap talaga magluto si Tita Tessa.

“I can’t.”

Napatingin kaming lahat kay Serj nang magsalita s’ya.

“What?” Tita Tessa looked taken aback.

Serj looked at his mom.

“I can’t. I have a shellfish allergy.”

Horror struck Tita Tessa’s face. Nakita ko s’yang namutla bago maingay na napasinghap. Naitakip pa ang mga kamay sa bibig at nanlalaki ang mga matang nakatingin kay Serj. She looked like she just did something horrible to her son.

“Oh, my god…” I heard her muttered. Nanginig pa ang boses n’ya. “Oh, my god…”

She staggered. Mabilis na napatayo si Yakov at inalalayan si Tita Tessa. Kahit si Tito Charles ay napatayo na rin para tumulong. While Serj was just looking at his mom. He looked like he had no intention of helping her.

“Mom, are you okay?” nag-aalalang tanong ni Yakov pero hindi s’ya sinagot ni Tita Tessa.

Nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin ko sa magkapatid. I know… I already noticed their differences physicallly. Hindi sila magkamukha. Kahit sa ugali ay magkaiba. Serj was mature but Yakov wasn’t.

Pero ngayon… Napansin ko rin ang pagkakaiba nila. Yakov looked really worried for his mom but Serj… Tama ba ang nakikita ko sa mga mata n’ya?

There was no emotion in his eyes. Just… indifference.

“I’m so sorry, Serj. I… I d-didn’t know.” Tita Tessa looked terrified. She tried to reach for her son but her hand stopped mid-air.

I know why… Serj’s eyes looked so cold. Hindi pa nakatulong ang pagiging asul ng mga mata n’ya.

Ice cold.

“It’s fine,” he said.

“I’ll… I’ll cook something else—”

“I said it’s fine,” putol ni Serj sa sasabihin dapat ni Tita Tessa. “Hindi pa ako gutom. I’ll just eat outside when I get hungry.”

“Serj—”

“You guys should eat. I still want to take a walk on the beach.”

“Kuya—”

Walang pinansin si Serj at tuloy-tuloy lang na lumabas. As soon as he was gone, Tita Tessa started crying. Mukhang kanina pa pinipigilan ang pag-iyak sa harapan ng panganay na anak.

“I didn’t know. Oh, my god… I am a horrible mother,” she said in between her sobs.

Tito Charles and Yakov tried to comfort her. Napatingin na lang ako sa pagkaing nasa hapag. I could tell that Tita Tessa made a great effort to prepare everything. Excited pa nga s’ya kaninang ipagluto ang anak. Gustong-gusto talagang bumawi kay Serj.

But it has all gone to waste.

I looked at Tita Tessa again. My heart ached to watch her cry while her face was buried on Tito Charle’s chest. Yakov was caressing his mother’s back, trying to soothe her.

Hindi ko alam kung anong sumapi sa akin at naisipan kong sundan si Serj. I was mad. He made Tita Tessa cry. Ngayon ko lang nakitang umiyak nang ganoon si Tita Tessa. Sobrang bait pa naman n’ya!

Nakita ko si Serj na naglalakad hindi kalayuan. Hindi pa gaanong nakakalayo. Binilisan ko ang paglalakad para maabutan s’ya.

“Don’t you think you’re too harsh on your mother?” I said.

Serj just made a sideway glance. Mukhang hindi man lang nagulat na sinundan ko s’ya at patuloy lang sa paglalakad.

“I just told her the truth,” he said. Nasa bulsa ng board shorts n’ya ang mga kamay.

He looked so relaxed while Tita Tessa was crying back at the resthouse! Para bang wala s’yang pakealam na nasaktan n’ya ang nanay n’ya!

“But she is still your mother! You could at least thank her!”

Tumigil s’ya sa paglalakad at ganoon din ako. He exhaled harshly like he was fed up with this before he looked at me.

“Why would I thank her?”

Hindi makapaniwala ang tingin na ibinigay ko sa kanya. Is he for real?

“She made an effort cooking those foods for you.”

“Foods that I can’t even eat?”

Natigilan ako. Nawalan ako bigla ng sasabihin.

“I could even die if I ate those foods,” he said.

“Hindi n’ya naman alam…” mahina kong sabi.

“That’s why I already said it’s okay. But you’re here, making me look like the villain.”

Wala akong maisip na sasabihin ko. He was right. Pero bakit ko nga ba s’ya naisip na sundan pa?

Maybe because I got really hurt for Tita Tessa. I saw the hope in her eyes earlier thinking that by cooking food for him, she would have the chance to make up for him. Pero parang mas nagkalayo pa nga ang loob nila ngayon.

And maybe… Serj was hurt too. His mother didn’t even know about his allergies but she cooked those foods. In the first place, she would know if she hadn’t left him before.

“Saan ka pupunta?” namalayan ko na lang na naitanong ko na iyon nang makitang naglalakad na ulit si Serj.

What’s it with me ba kung saan s’ya pupunta? I really freaking hate how I am acting right now!

He stopped walking and looked back at me.

“I’ll find something to eat. You should go back and have your lunch as well.”

Hindi man lang n’ya hinintay na makapagsalita ako at naglakad na ulit. Pinanood ko na lang ang paglayo n’ya.

Somehow… His back looked so lonely as it got farther and farther.

Kalmado na si Tita Tessa nang makabalik ako. Her eyes looked so red and puffy but she tried to smile when she invited me to the table. She looked sad when I told her that Serj was looking for something to eat outside.

It was past three in the afternoon when Serj finally came back. Agad na nagyaya si Yakov na mag-surfing na sila. Mukhang ayaw nang mag-aksaya ng oras. I decided to go with them.

I changed with my swimsuit pero nagsuot ako ng manipis na white shirt at isang maikling shorts sa labas. Sina Yakov at Serj ay naka-board shorts na lang. Wala nang mga damit pang-itaas.

Hindi ko mapigilang mapatitig sa katawan ni Serj. His body looked so toned. Ngayon lang yata ako nakakita ng ganitong kaperpektong katawan sa personal. The man’s body that suited my taste.

Pero mukhang hindi lang naman ako ang napapatig sa kanya. Pati na rin ang mga babaeng nadadaanan namin as we walked down the pathway on the boardwalk.

He had the perfect eight-pack abs! What the hell! And his vline looked so seductive na para bang nag-aakit na mas ibaba pa ang shorts n’ya para mas makita ang kabuuan ng katawan n’ya. He had a chiseled chest. Parang ang sarap na lang humilig doon especially when those biceps and arms would wrap around my body.

Freaking shit, Natalia Nicole! Katabi mo lang ’yung boyfriend mo pero ibang katawan ang tinititigan mo!

Noong una ay nagpaiwan lang ako sa boardwalk habang sila ay nagsimula nang mag-surf. Yakov was still a beginner. Halata naman. Ngayon ko lang s’yang napanood na mag-surf pero masasabi ko nang hindi rin n’ya madalas gawin ang sports na ’to.

Serj was trying to teach him. Nakabantay lang s’ya sa kapatid noong una but when Yakov somehow finally managed to balance himself on top of his board, Serj started to surf too.

At hindi na rin humiwalay ang mga mata ko sa kanya.

He looked so beautiful while surfing. He was an expert. He even did some tricks na parang bang parte ng katawan n’ya ang surfboard. Kahit ang ibang nagse-surfing ay pinapanood na lang s’ya.

Huh… This is bad. My boyfriend was doing his best to practice surfing but here I was, admiring his brother.

I decided to take a dip hoping that whatever I was feeling would wash away along with the waves. It was just an attraction anyway. After all, Serj was an attractive man.

But still… I shouldn’t feel like this. I should stop. I have a boyfriend. Siguro, mawawala rin naman ang nararamdaman ko pagkatapos ng dalawang araw. Makakatulong kung hindi ko na makikita si Serj.

Nang magsawa ay umahon na rin ako. I just stayed at the boardwalk watching the tourists along with the waves and the sea. The view looked so magnificent as the sun started to rest for the day.

Natuyo na ang damit at buhok ko dahil sa hangin. Isinuot ko na ulit ang shirt at shorts ko nang makita ko si Serj na umaahon na rin.

He looked like the god of the sea as he stepped out of the water with his surfboard that he was carrying on one arm. He stopped and looked around. Nagtama ang mga paningin namin at nagsimula s’yang maglakad papunta sa akin.

My heart was beating so loud against my chest as I watched him walk his way towards me. Nahahawi ang mga tao sa dinaraanan n’ya at napapatitig na lang din sa kanya.

He brushed his still-damp hair upwards. The droplets of water on his body glistened as the sunset hit them. He looked like someone out of a painting.

“You took a dip?” he asked as he eyed my body.

I tried to stand still. My body suddenly felt so hot.

Wala sa sarili akong napatango. “Si Y-yakov?”

I even stammered on my boyfriend’s name! What the fuck!

“Mamaya na raw aahon.”

Napatango na lang ako at tinanaw namin pareho si Yakov na sinusubukan pa rin mag-surf. I was aware of his presence beside me. Ang atensyon ko ay nahahati kay Yakov at sa kanya.

Pero nawala iyon nang makita kong nahulog si Yakov sa surfboard. Nag-alala ako lalo na nang may ilang sandali s’yang hindi umahon.

“Hey!” Napatingin pa ako kay Serj, expecting him to help his brother, pero nakatayo lang s’ya sa tabi ko.

“He’ll be okay,” kalmante pang sabi n’ya.

Nakita ko na rin naman si Yakov na sinusubukan na ulit mag-surf pero naiinis na ako kay Serj na hindi man lang nagpakita ng kaunting pag-aalala sa kapatid n’ya.

“Hindi pa s’ya gano’ng kagaling mag-surf! What if he drowns?”

Serj scoffed. He looked at me like I just said something ridiculous.

“You really thought that lame of your boyfriend? What kind of a girlfriend are you?”

I glared at him but he smirked at me. Inaasar na lang yata ako.

“I was just worried!” I said.

“’Cause your boyfriend’s lame?” he asked with one eyebrow raised and a mocking smirk on his lips.

“No! I didn’t—”

“Yeah… Yeah… Better not to tell Yakov about this.”

I glared at him even more but he was already looking ahead, still wearing that smirk on his lips. He looked satisfied that he managed to annoy me.

I rolled my eyes. Napatingin na rin ako sa harapan ko.

This guy is the worst.

Chapter 5

Kalat na ang dilim nang sa wakas ay umahon na rin si Yakov. He obviously improved a lot on surfing. He didn’t stop practicing until he made a lot of progress. He had this attitude pa naman ng pagiging competitive at hindi agad sumusuko.

But I think the most part was he wanted to impress his brother.

Madilim na nang makabalik kami sa rest house. We saw lights on the lot just outside of the rest house. It looked like they had set up tables and chairs. I saw a smoke at nang sinundan ko kung saan nanggagaling iyon ay nakita kong nag-iihaw si Tito Charles.

I guess we’ll be having dinner outside.

“Dito tayo kakain?” Yakov asked as he approached his father. Pinanood n’ya ang pag-iihaw ng ama.

“Mas masayang kumain dito sa labas, hijo. Presko pa ang hangin,” Aling Corazon said as she helped set the dinner table. May iilang pagkain na ang nandoon pero marami pang iihawin si Tito Charles.

“Hindi ba maraming lamok?” I heard Yakov asked.

Pareho kami ni Serj na napatingin sa kanya. I glanced at Serj and I saw him frowning a little as he stared at his brother.

Natawa si Aling Corazon at nilingon si Yakov.

“Naku, hindi! Preskong-presko rito! Kahit ang mga turista ay sa labas din kumakain ng hapunan. Ganito rin ang ginagawa nila.”

Bumalik na sa pagtulong si Aling Corazon. Mukhang may niluluto rin sila sa loob. I wanted to help but I need to take a bath first. Gusto ko rin kasing malinis na ako kapag kakain na. I think they’ll be done by the time I finish with my bath too.

“Serj, hijo.”

Papasok na sana ako sa loob pero natigilan nang makita si Tita Tessa na nilapitan ang anak n’ya. I should have left but the curiosity was eating me. Lalo pa at halatang tinatantya ni Tita Tessa ang reaksyon ni Serj dahil sa nangyari kanina.

“What?” Serj asked. I grimaced when he didn’t even show any emotion in his eyes.

Uhh… Mas lalong kakabahan si Tita Tessa n’yan, eh. Baka akalain pang galit s’ya.

“Ayos lang ba sa ’yo ang bangus?” she asked. Mabilis din n’yang sinundan ang tanong n’ya. “But if not, nagba-barbecue naman ang Tito Charles mo.”

Serj frowned. I saw worries in Tita Tessa’s eyes. Nag-aalala sigurong may nasabi na naman s’yang masama.

“Bangus?” Serj looked confused.

Oh… He’s not mad. He just didn’t know the word.

Napangiti ako. Right. He still doesn’t know a lot of Filipino words.

“Milkfish,” Tita Tessa translated. Napapangiti na rin s’ya.

Narinig namin ang pagtawa ni Yakov.

“Bangus lang ’yon, kuya,” he said. Napatingin tuloy sa kanya ang kapatid n’ya.

“I told you, I’m still learning the language.” Binalingan n’ya ulit si Tita Tessa. “Yeah… Bangus is fine.”

Mas lalong lumawak ang ngiti ni Tita Tessa.

“Okay. Ipag-iihaw kita, ha?”

“Yeah…” Napansin ko ang ginawang pagsulyap sa akin ni Serj bago muling tinignan ang ina. “Thanks.”

Pareho kaming nagulat doon ni Tita Tessa. Hindi na rin s’ya nakapagsalita dahil pumasok na rin sa loob ng rest house si Serj. Napatitig na lang rin ako sa pintong pinasukan n’ya.

I just couldn’t believe what he said! Parang kanina lang, ayaw na ayaw n’yang magpasalamat sa nanay n’ya. This was such a huge development!

Napatingin ako kay Tita Tessa. She was smiling but her eyes looked misty. Napangiti na rin ako dahil alam ko kung bakit ganoon ang naging reaksyon n’ya. She wasn’t sad. She was happy that she almost cried. Malaking bagay para sa kanya ang sinabing iyon ni Serj.

Pumasok na rin ako sa rest house para maligo na at makapagpalit ng damit. Umakyat na ako sa magiging kwarto namin ni Yakov. All rooms have their private bathroom which was so convenient. Hindi na kailangang lumabas pa ng kwarto.

Nang matapos sa pagligo ay bumaba na rin ako. I was wearing a thin shirt and denim shorts that reached half of my thighs. Sobrang presko ng pakiramdam ko ngayon.

Dumiretso ako sa kusina para uminom ng tubig. Kinuha ko ang pitsel ng tubig sa loob ng ref at nagsalin sa baso. I emptied the glass. Ibinalik ko ang pitsel sa loob ng ref. I was about to close the ref’s door when someone stopped my hand.

The first thing that my brain recognized was the warmth that enveloped my hand that was holding the ref’s door handle. There was some spark I even felt that traveled my entire body and almost made me tremble on my feet.

Pagkatapos ay naramdaman ko ang init ng katawan ng kung sino mang nasa likuran ko. I bet they were so close that I could feel their body warmth.

I turned my head to see who it was and my breathing hitched when I recognized him. It was Serj. Hindi ako makaatras palayo sa kanya dahil pinapagitnaan ako ng ref at ng katawan n’ya.

I just couldn’t help but stare at him. I saw his blue eyes scanned the contents inside the refrigerator. He was slightly crouching down as he was so tall so he could take a better look inside. Pati tuloy ang katawan ko ay medyo napayuko dahil iniiwasan kong magdikit ang mga katawan namin.

Then he finally looked at me, acknowledging my presence. Halos mapahawak pa nga ako sa dibdib ko dahil sa biglang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Hindi na nga rin yata ako humihinga. I think I was hyperventilating inside.

I was panicking inside!

Serj was staring at me. Tumitig na lang din ako pabalik dahil alam kong hindi ko rin naman maiiwasan ang mga mata n’ya. Also, there was this feeling of wanting to look at him.

Napansin ko ang bahagyang pagbaba ng tingin n’ya. Hindi na s’ya nakatitig sa mga mata ko. He was now looking at my nose. Bumaba pa ulit ang tingin n’ya. It was now my lips that he was looking at.

I unconsciously wet my lips with my tongue. I shouldn’t have done that. Ewan ko rin kung bakit bigla ko na lang ginawa ’yon! I was feeling nervous. Ang bilis-bilis ng tibok ng puso ko at hindi na talaga ako makahinga.

I need air.

I saw something flicked in his eyes before he looked at my eyes again. Ilang sandali n’ya akong tinitigan bago ko napansin ang pag-angat ng isang sulok ng mga labi n’ya.

Is he smirking at me again?

He stood straighter. He looked down at me with a smirk on his lips before he turned his head and looked outside.

“Yakov! Do you want some beer?” medyo may kalakasan n’yang tanong para marinig ni Yakov na nasa labas.

What the hell…

Shit! Kinabahan ako roon nang tawagin n’ya ang pangalan ni Yakov! Ang akala ko ay magsusumbong s’ya. Kahit wala naman akong masamang ginagawa!

May palagay akong sinadya n’yang gawin ’yon!

“Sige, kuya!” rinig kong sigaw ni Yakov mula sa labas. “Si Dad din daw!”

Binalingan na ulit ni Serj ang ref. He tried to reach for the beer at gumagalaw din ako palayo sa katawan n’ya.

He noticed it and he let out an amused chuckle.

“Relax…” sabi n’ya bago tuluyang tumayo nang deretso.

Relax? Easy for him to say. Ako lang naman ang nakakaramdam ng ganitong epekto kapag malapit s’ya.

I stood straight too. Sabay namin isinara ang ref dahil nakahawak pa rin s’ya sa kamay kong nasa handle. Binitiwan n’ya rin naman nang magsara na ang ref.

He smirked at me before he finally walked away. Saka lang ako nakahinga nang maluwag.

What the hell… I was really nervous. Hell, I’ve never felt so nervous around a man. Ngayon lang. This was the first time.

At hindi iyon ang klase ng kaba dahil natatakot ako. It was… something more. Something that could make my heart race for a different reason as well.

Pero siguro nga natatakot ako. I was afraid of how his presence could affect me so much. I was afraid that maybe… I might do a mistake.

Napatingin ako sa kamay ko. I could still feel the warmth from his hand that was already fading. I felt my heart missing something as the warmth faded.

I took a deep breath. Sinubukan kong pakalmahin muna ang sarili ko bago umalis ng kusina at lumabas na. Marami nang nakahandang pagkain sa lamesa nang makita ko. Si Yakov ay nakaupo na rin sa pwesto n’ya. May isang bakanteng upuan sa tabi n’ya, just on the left from the head of the table. I figured that that’s where he wanted his brother to sit. Parang ’yung magiging pwesto sana kaninang lunch.

Doon na lang ako umupo sa tapat ni Yakov, katabi ng upuan na para kay Tita Tessa. Maya-maya rin naman ay umupo na rin sila nina Tito Charles.

We started eating. Nag-usap-usap din sila. Tito Charles asked Serj if he was enjoying his stay. Tumango naman s’ya at sinabing oo. He praised the place as well.

“Did you have a hard time teaching Yakov how to surf?” birong tanong ni Tita Tessa.

Serj shook his head.

“Nah… Yakov already learned the basics so it wasn’t that hard teaching him. He’s a fast learner.”

“Magaling ka rin kasing magturo, kuya!” Yakov obviously wanted to praise his brother too. “Feeling ko magiging expert surfer ako agad kapag ikaw ang nagturo sa ’kin.”

“Serj should stay longer then,” Tito Charles said.

Napatingin kaming lahat kay Serj. Hinihintay namin ang sasabihin n’ya roon. I was even holding my breath as I waited for him to speak.

Ano bang inaabangan kong sasabihin n’ya?

He gulped the food first in his mouth.

“I can’t,” he said. “I left some work in Russia. I need to finish it.”

I noticed Tita Tessa’s shoulders slumped. Mukhang nalungkot sa isinagot ng anak.

Pinakiramdaman ko rin ang sarili ko. Huh… What exactly am I feeling? Am I disappointed or happy? ’Di ba iyon naman ang gusto ko?

But… I wasn’t sure of what I’m feeling right now.

“Pero kapag natapos mo ang mga trabaho mo, is there a chance that you would go back here again?” Tito Charles asked. Nahalata ang pagiging malungkot ng asawa. “And then, stay longer this time?”

We all waited for his answer. Lalo na si Tita Tessa na halos maramdaman ko na ang anticipation n’ya sa tabi ko.

“Possibly,” Serj said. “But I can’t promise.”

“It’s okay! At least you’re considering the idea.”

Nang tinignan ko si Tita Tessa ay mukhang masaya rin naman s’ya sa isinagot ng anak. I realized that he may have flat out rejected the idea before when they invited him to visit here.

“Serj…” Tita Tessa called him. “How’s the food?”

Serj glanced at me first before he looked at his mother.

Hmm? What was that?

He nodded. “It’s good.”

Rinig kong nakahinga nang maluwag si Tita Tessa bago malawak na napangiti. She looked happy till the end of the meal.

I was expecting that we would all go to bed after dinner as we were all tired from the trip, especially Serj, pero ayaw magpaawat ni Yakov. Nagyaya pang pumunta sa bistro. He said he wanted to have a drink with his brother.

They invited me too pero tumanggi na ako dahil nakakaramdamn na ako ng antok. Plus, I wanted to give this time for Yakov to bond with his brother.

Nang makaalis sila ay dumeretso na ako sa kwarto namin ni Yakov. I sighed. Hindi pa pala nakaayos ang mga gamit n’ya. The traveling bag that he used was opened. Nakalabas ang iilang mga damit. Parang naghalungkat dahil naghahanap ng isusuot.

Inayos ko ang mga damit n’ya at tiniklop nang maayos. Hindi ko na ibinalik sa loob ng bag. Magugulo rin naman sa susunod na maghanap ulit s’ya ng damit. Pagkatapos ay inayos ko na ulit ang mga gamit ko na hindi ko naituloy kanina dahil sa inis kay Yakov.

I laid down on the bed. Sa kaliwang bahagi ako ng kama pumwesto. Ang akala ko ay makakatulog agad ako dahil nakaramdam na agad ako ng antok kanina at pagod na rin ako pero nanatili lang akong nakatitig sa kisame.

I decided to check my phone when half an hour passed and I still couldn’t sleep. I received chats from Millie and Andrea telling me to enjoy my time in Siargao and not to worry about the shop. Napangiti ako. I replied my thanks.

I pursed my lips after. There were no texts or calls from mom and dad but that’s not new. Itinago ko na lang ulit ang phone ko.

I stared at the ceiling again. Itinaas ko nang bahagya ang kamay ko at tinitigan iyon. I remembered what happened earlier.

What really happened anyway? I didn’t have the same reaction whenever Yakov was holding my hand. There were no lingering feelings. I never missed the warmth of his hand on mine. I never wished that I could hold his hand again.

This is not good. Pinagkukumpara ko na silang dalawa ng kapatid n’ya. What more, ’yung nararamdaman ko pa ang kinukumpara ko. It was really bad dahil ibig sabihin lang no’n, iba nga ang binibigay na epekto sa akin ni Serj.

I closed my eyes. I should sleep. Sana… wala na ang nararamdaman kong ’to bukas.

Hindi ko alam kung nakaidlip ba ako pero napadilat ako nang may marinig na mga katok sa pinto ng kwarto namin ni Yakov. I got up. I was expecting that it was Tita Tessa at may sasabihin lang pero hindi s’ya ang nabungaran ko nang buksan ko ang pinto.

It was Serj. Nagulat pa ako nang mapagbuksan ko s’ya. Napatitig na lang ako sa kanya dahil sa gulat.

“He got drunk and passed out,” he said.

Huh?

Saka ko lang napansin si Yakov na akay-akay n’ya pala. Nakayuko ang ulo ni Yakov at mukhang walang malay kaya dala ni Serj ang buong bigat n’ya.

What the hell?

Nataranta ako at inalalayan din si Yakov. Tinulungan ko si Serj na ipasok si Yakov sa kwarto namin. I know he’s heavy. Wala kasi s’yang malay at lalaki pa. But I couldn’t feel his weight at all kahit inaalalayan ko na s’ya. I looked at Serj and noticed that he was carrying all Yakov’s weight on his side.

Huh…

We laid him down on the bed. Yakov mumbled something incoherent in his sleep before he passed out again.

“Is he okay?” I asked Serj.

“Yeah. Just passed out.”

Tumango ako at napatitig kay Yakov na tulog na tulog. I noticed Serj moving. Naglakad s’ya palabas ng kwarto at sinundan ko s’ya hanggang pintuan.

“Thank you,” I said. Nasa labas na s’ya ng kwarto at ako ay nasa loob. There were few steps distance between us.

“There’s no need,” he said.

Natahimik ako. Hindi ko na rin naman alam ang sasabihin ko. He was looking at me. I noticed him eyeing my body and I’ve just become aware that I’m wearing thin clothes. A pair of pink silk short-sleeve pajama shorts. 

I started to feel conscious. Manipis ang suot ko at nararamdaman ko yata ang mabigat na titig n’ya sa bawat parte ng katawan kong tinitignan n’ya. Parang nanghihigop pa naman ng lakas ang mga mata n’ya.

“Uhm… May kailangan ka pa?” I asked. Hindi ko na kasi matagalan ang mga tingin n’ya.

I saw him glance at Yakov first before he looked back at me.

“Are you going to be okay?” he asked.

Napakunot ang noo ko. Napasulyap din tuloy ako kay Yakov. Baka may nakita s’ya kaya n’ya naitanong iyon. But Yakov was sleeping soundly on the bed.

Maybe he’s worried ’cause Yakov’s drunk.

I nodded as I looked at him. I was grateful that he showed concern.

“Yeah.”

“Alright.”

Napangiti ako.

“Goodnight, Serj.”

He said something in Russian and I couldn’t understand any of it. Napakunot ulit ang noo ko sa kanya. I just looked at him in confusion.

He smirked and shook his head.

“Sweet dreams,” he said and took a step back.

Hinintay ko s’yang tuluyang umalis but he just remained standing there. I realized that he wanted me to close the door while he was watching.

I would understand that gesture if we were outside. Like a man taking a girl home. Hihintayin munang makapasok sa bahay bago tuluyang umalis. Pero nasa loob na naman kasi kami ng rest house.

Huh… I could never understand this man.

I flashed him a smile.

“See you tomorrow,” I said.

He nodded, just staring at me. He never looked away until I finally closed the door.

Malalim akong napahugot nang buntong-hininga nang sa wakas ay maisara ko na ang pinto. Being with Serj’s presence was so nerve-wracking. Lagi akong kinakabahan. And I always feel things towards him that I didn’t want to acknowledge.

Napatingin ako kay Yakov. He passed out on the bed. He was even in the middle almost occupying the entire bed. There was not enough space for me.

I walked toward him. I tried to push him on his side of the bed pero dahil wala s’yang malay ay mabigat s’ya. I realized that Serj really took all of his weight earlier when we brought him in.

I tried pushing Yakov again. Marahas na ang pagtulak pero hindi man lang s’ya nagising. Lasing na lasing talaga s’ya. I managed to push him slightly but the space for me was not enough. But… I think I can manage. Hindi naman ako malikot matulog.

Humiga na ako. Nakatagilid ako at nasa dulo na ng kama ang katawan ko. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep peacefully like this. I almost thought that it would be better if I didn’t sleep in this bed.

Tama nga ako dahil ilang minuto lang ay gumalaw si Yakov. He almost pushed me off the bed kaya mabilis akong umalis at tumayo na lang. I looked at him. Sakop na n’ya ang buong kama.

“Yakov,” I called his name but he didn’t move. “Yakov.”

Sinubukan ko na rin s’yang yugyugin para magising pero parang nanggigising lang ako ng bato. Hindi man lang talaga s’ya gumalaw sa tangkang paggising ko sa kanya.

Well… Kanina ngang tinutulak ko s’ya, hindi rin nagising.

Napatingin ako sa sahig.

Hell, no. I will never sleep on the bed.

I sighed. Nagsisimula na naman akong mainis. I was trying to understand that Yakov was drunk pero hindi ko pa rin mapigilan ang makaramdam ng inis.

Naisip ko ang mga kwarto sa baba.

What now? Nagkatotoo yata ang sinabi ni Yakov na sa kwarto sa baba na lang ako matulog.

I groaned. Ang sarap yatang manuntok ng taong natutulog ngayon.

Lumabas na lang ako ng kwarto bago pa magawa ang naiisip ko. Habang nakikita ko kasi si Yakov na ang sarap ng tulog habang ako ay problemado, nabubwisit lang ako.

I decided to stay on the veranda and take a look at the scenery. Naupo ako sa ratan cocoon chair na nandoon.

I looked up and saw many stars. Napatingin ako sa dagat. The sounds of waves and the sea breeze were so calming. The scenery looked like something that came out of a painting. It wasn’t a full moon but that moon was still shining brightly. The moonlight left a trail on the sea.

I heaved a deep sigh. This was so relaxing.

“That was deep.”

Napatingin kaagad ako sa nagsalita. Pero hindi ko pa naman s’ya nakikita ay nakilala ko na agad kung kaninong boses iyon. Halos tumalon na kasi palabas ang puso ko mula sa dibdib ko nang marinig ko s’ya.

“Serj…” I was surprised to see him.

He was wearing a thin white shirt and beach shorts. Ang hangin ay nililipad ang tela ng damit n’ya kaya kumakapit iyon sa katawan n’ya. Dahil manipis ay halos bumakat na ang katawan n’ya. Nakita ko na naman ’yon kanina but still… He was so attractive.

He walked toward the railings. Isinandal n’ya ang mga braso n’ya roon. He was tall so he needed to crouch down. I noticed he was holding a can of beer with his right hand.

“You’re drinking again?” hindi ko na napigilang sabihin.

Napasulyap pa muna s’ya sa hawak na beer bago tumingin sa akin.

“Last beer,” he said.

Tumango na lang ako. Hindi ko kasi maintindihan kung anong ibig sabihin n’ya roon. Kung last beer n’ya na ba ngayong gabi o last beer na ’yon sa ref at inuubos n’ya na lang.

I pursed my lips when I remembered our goodnights a while ago. Nawalan ng sense ’yon ngayong nagkita ulit kami ilang minuto lang ang nakalipas. Sinabihan ko pa naman s’ya ng ‘see you tomorrow.’

He drank his beer and I just watched him. Even the way he drank looked captivating. The way he tilted his head back and how he gulped down his beer, I watched it all. Pakiramdam ko ay nanonood ako ng commercial and he was the model. Like he’s endorsing the viewers to drink beer dahil nakakagwapo pala iyon.

“Aren’t you tired yet?” I asked. “You flew straight from Russia. Then pinagbigyan mo pa si Yakov na mag-surf at mag-inuman pa kayo.”

“I’m used to it,” he said. “I could even stay awake for five days straight.”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko.

“Seriously?”

He chuckled. “Yeah…”

“That’s amazing! Hanggang isang araw lang ang tinatagal kong walang tulog.” Nakakabangag kasi ’pag sumobra pa do’n.

“You think it’s amazing?” may ngisi sa mga labi n’yang tanong.

“Yes! But you shouldn’t get used to it though. Have a rest if you can. Kaya magpahinga ka na.”

“I will. After I finished this.” Bahagya n’yang itinaas ang beer na hawak. “How about you? Why are you still awake?”

Napangiwi ako.

“Walang space sa kama.”

He frowned.

“What? Your bed’s wide though.”

“Yakov’s occupying all the space. I tried moving him to his side but… He’s too heavy. Hindi rin naman s’ya magising.”

“Do you want me to help?” he offered.

Mabilis akong umiling.

“No, it’s okay. I decided to stay in one of the rooms downstairs.” Baka rin kasi gaya kanina, matulak n’ya ako sa kama.

Serj’s eyes squinted as his eyebrows creased. Mukhang hindi n’ya nagustuhan ang sinabi ko.

“There’s no one staying downstairs. You’ll be alone, in case.”

I sighed.

“It’s okay. Wala naman sigurong mangyayari sa ’king masama. Ngayong gabi lang naman.”

Actually, I was scared with the thought that I’ll be alone downstairs. But I have no choice. Kaysa naman matulog ako sa lapag sa kwarto namin ni Yakov.

I groaned. Naiinis talaga ko ’pag naaalalang sinakop n’ya ang buong kama.

I noticed Serj was staring at me. I was lost in thoughts kaya hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal na n’ya iyong ginagawa. Napaiwas na lang ako ng tingin nang magsimula na naman akong mailang.

I stared at the sea to distract myself with the scenery. Pinakinggan ko na lang ulit ang tunog ng alon. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang mabining pagdampi ng hangin sa balat ko. Like it was caressing me. Unti-unti ay nakaramdam na ako ng antok.

Serj was still there. I knew it but… I just really feel comfortable now. Though I don’t understand as I can’t relax whenever he’s around.

But right now… I felt safe. Mas gusto ko na lang dito matulog kaysa sa baba.

Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko. I took a deep breath and my whole body finally relaxed. Ilang sandali pa ay hindi ko na napigilan ang antok ko at tuluyan nang nakatulog.

Hindi ko alam kung gaanong katagal na akong tulog nang maalimpungatan ako. I was awake but I couldn’t open my eyes. I was tired but… I feel comfortable. Too comfortable that I refused to open my eyes. I just wanted to continue sleeping.

Pakiramdam ko ay dinuduyan ako. May naamoy akong mabango. The bed felt so warm and comfortable that I even snuggled closer and inhaled the scent. I felt safer than ever. I felt so secure.

I just want to sleep here always.

Nagising ako dahil sa liwanag na tumatama sa mukha ko. Nasilaw pa nga ako nang idinilat ko ang mga mata ko. Kalat na ang liwanag sa buong kwarto.

Napainat ako. I had a good sleep. Ngayon na lang ulit ako nakatulog nang ganito.

I looked around. Napabalikwas ako ng bangon nang hindi ko makilala ang kwarto kung nasaan ako. I git dizzy with my sudden movement. I shut my eyes and when I felt okay, I looked around the room again. But I still couldn’t recognize the room.

What happened? Hindi ko rin maalalang pumasok ako kahit saang kwarto kagabi. The last thing I remembered was I was still on the veranda, talking with Serj last night.

And then what?

The bathroom door that was inside the room opened. My eyes widened when a man stepped out. He had a towel on his waist down. Iyon lang ang suot n’ya. His body was still damp, obviously, he had a shower. His one hand was trying to dry his hair with a towel.

Napalunok ako habang nakatitig lang sa kanya. Naramdaman n’ya yata ’yon kaya napatingin s’ya sa akin.

Nagsalubong ang mga paningin namin.

“Oh. You’re awake,” he said.

It was Serj.

Chapter 6

I couldn’t say anything. Hindi na yata gumagana ang bibig ko. I didn’t even know what to say. I tried to rack my brain for words but it seemed like even my brain was not functioning anymore. I was just there, sitting on the bed, gaping at Serj.

He just finished taking a bath. Tinutuyo n’ya ang buhok habang nakatingin lang din sa akin. Parang may ideya na kagigising ko lang at nagulat pa ako nang makita s’ya kaya ngayon ay binibigyan n’ya ako ng oras para maproseso ang mga nangyayari.

But… What exactly happened anyway? And why am I here?

Is this Serj’s room?

Sleep hadn’t left my body yet kaya mabagal pang pinoproseso ng utak ko ang lahat. Sa inaantok pang diwa ay tinitigan ko si Serj.

Bigla rin ang pagtilapon palabas ng bintana ang antok sa katawan ko nang sa wakas ay ma-realize ko rin ang senaryo sa harapan ko.

Serj was standing there, topless. Nakatapis lang ng twalya ang lower part ng katawan n’ya. Bumaba ang tingin ko sa twalya at napasinghap na lang ako.

Mabilis kong kinuha ang kumot at ibinalot iyon sa katawan ko. Hirap na hirap pa nga ako sa pagmamadali at sa pagsisigurong matatakpan ng kumot ang buong katawan ko. I made sure that he could only see my head and not any more inch of my skin.

I noticed him frowning. Pinapanood n’ya lang akong mag-panic sa kama. Then he had recognition in his eyes as to what I was doing. Napataas ang mga kilay n’ya at napatango.

I heard him chuckle. Bahagya s’yang napailing habang nakatingin pa rin sa akin. Humalukipkip pa s’ya at sumandal sa hamba ng pinto. Like he had all the time in the world to watch me panicking here.

I groaned. That was not the reaction I was waiting for from him! Kinakabahan na ako rito tapos s’ya ay parang naaliw pa sa pagpa-panic ko!

“Anong nangyari?” kinakabahan ko pang tanong. Hawak ko ang buhol ng kumot sa harap. Sinisiguradong hindi iyon mahuhulog sa katawan ko.

“What?” maang pa n’yang tanong. But I could tell that he was trying to keep his lips from curling in amusement.

“What happened? Did…” Hininaan ko ang boses ko. “Did something happen to us?”

He stared at me for a while before he bit the insides of his cheeks. Parang pinipigilan ang mapangiti habang nakatingin sa akin. Pero hindi na rin naman nakayanan kaya kinagat na lang ang ibabang labi habang nakangisi.

Tingin n’ya ba joke ’to? Kinakabahan na kaya ako rito! Hindi ko kasi alam kung anong nangyari kagabi. Nakatulog ako sa veranda tapos paggising ko ay nandito na ako sa kwarto! Hindi pa nga ako tapos intindihin kung nasaan ako and then he came out of the bathroom, fresh from a bath, with only a towel draped down his waist!

Hindi naman nila ako kasamang uminom kagabi pero para yata akong lasing. Wala talaga akong ntatandaan kung paano ako napunta sa kwartong ’to.

“Normally, the girl would check herself first before asking the question,” he said.

Napakurap ako. Napatitig na lang sa kanya. What he said actually made sense.

Dahan-dahan kong inalis ang pagkakabalot ng kumot at sinilip ang katawan ko. I was still wearing my pajamas. There was no sign that I took it off last night.

Alanganin akong napatingin kay Serj. His eyebrow was raised in a cocky way. He had also that cocky smirk on his lips.

“Well?”

Napangiwi ako.

“Walang… nangyari sa atin?” kinakabahan ko pang tanong.

Serj frowned but there was still that smirk on his lips.

“Are you disappointed or something?”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at mabilis na napailing.

“No! I was just making sure!”

Serj chuckled softly. Napaiwas ako ng tingin. Ngayong medyo humupa na ang kaba ko, unti-unti ko na namang nararamdaman ang epekto n’ya sa akin. I didn’t want to look at him. Not now that he was only wearing a towel on. I was worried that I would do nothing but stare at his body.

“Nothing happened like what you are thinking,” he said.

“Why did I end up here then?”

“You fell asleep on the chair. I couldn’t let you sleep there or let you sleep downstairs so I brought you here in my room.”

Napabalik agad ang tingin ko sa kanya.

“Kwarto mo ’to? Binuhat mo ako?”

What the hell? Ginawa n’ya ’yon? Bakit hindi man lang ako nagising?

What the hell? Kwarto n’ya talaga ’to?! Ibig sabihin, katabi lang nito ’yung kwarto namin ni Yakov?

“Yeah… How else do you think I brought here? Drag you?”

Sinamaan ko s’ya ng tingin sa pagiging sarcastic n’ya.

“But…” I looked at him, confused. “This is your room. Ibig sabihin, magkatabi tayong natulog?”

Oh, no… Hindi pwede. ’Yung boyfriend ko, natutulog lang sa kabilang kwarto tapos katabi kong natulog ang kapatid—

“No. I slept in the room downstairs.”

Saglit lang akong nakahinga nang maluwag sa sinabi n’ya at gulat ulit na tinignan s’ya.

“But you’re the guest!” I said.

“You’re a guest here as well.”

“I mean you’re the main guest. Hindi dapat ikaw ’yung natulog mag-isa sa baba!”

Serj chuckled again and I almost groaned. Hindi n’ya yata sineseryoso ang usapan namin ngayon.

He uncrossed his arms and stood straight. Umalis s’ya sa pagkakasandal sa hamba ng pinto. At ang makasalanang mga mata ko ay bumaba na naman ang tingin sa katawan n’ya. It was so hard to resist looking at that heavenly body. He was like those sculptures of Greek gods.

Ang aga-aga pero makasalanan na agad ako.

“You really think I would just let a girl stay alone downstairs at a place that’s unfamiliar to her?”

I stared at him. Naghahamon ang mga mata n’ya. Like he was challenging me to say yes and he would do something that would prove my belief wrong.

Hindi ko kayang tagalan ang tingin n’ya. I was curious what he would do if I said yes. Napayuko na lang ako. I shouldn’t let myself be played by him.

Somehow… I was starting to think that this man was dangerous. He could manipulate his way if he wanted to. Mahirap s’yang tanggihan lalo pa at nanghihigop ng lakas ang bawat tingin n’ya. You couldn’t do anything but to be swayed by him.

“Hinayaan mo na lang sana akong matulog sa veranda.” That was the only safe answer I could think of.

He clicked his tongue in irritation. Halos mapapitlag ako roon. Hindi n’ya yata nagustuhan ang sinabi ko.

“That’s even worse!” he said. The irritation in his voice was obvious. Nakagat ko na lang ang ibabang labi ko.

Ah… Is he mad? Why? I just felt so bad. I should be the one who had slept downstairs. We had this trip because of him. Maybe Tita Tessa wanted him to enjoy it here and made him want to come back again. O kaya ay para maisipan n’yang magtagal dito.

But I had been an inconvenience for him. Kung ayaw na ulit bumalik ni Serj dito, magiging kasalanan ko pa yata.

But… I’ve never expected him to be this nice. He had a choice to just leave me sleeping on the veranda but he still carried me to his room and he even slept downstairs.

What a gentleman… He’s so mature.

“Thank you,” I said softly.

Nahihiya akong nag-angat ng tingin para siguruhin kung narinig ba n’ya ang sinabi ko. I found him staring at me. Maya-maya ay nakita ko ang bahagyang pag-angat ng sulok ng mga labi n’ya.

“That’s what I wanted to hear.”

Pinamulahan agad ako ng mukha. Ah… Malala na nga yata ako.

“You should get ready for breakfast,” he said.

I stared at him. Nang ma-realize ang sinabi n’ya ay nanlaki ang mga mata ko.

Oo nga pala! Kagigising ko lang!

Oh, my gosh! Ano kaya ang itsura ko? I must’ve looked horrible! Wala akong confidence katulad ng sa mga artista na nagpo-post ng ‘woke up like this’ photo nila sa umaga! Lalo na kapag bagong gising lang ako!

I started to become conscious. kanina ko pa kausap si Serj. Hindi ko alam tuloy kung tatakbo ba ako sa loob ng banyo para ayusin man lang kahit papaano ang itsura ko. O tatakbo ako palabas, palayo kay Serj, at dederetso sa kwarto namin ni Yakov.

Natigilan din ako.

Wait…

“They’re already preparing our breakfast?” I asked.

Tumango si Serj.

“Yeah. I saw Aling Corazon cooking.”

“Eh, ang mommy mo?”

He shrugged his shoulders. Kitang-kita ko tuloy kung paano nag-flex ang mga muscle sa upper body n’ya.

I groaned inwardly. Ano ba, Natalia Nicole? Focus nga!

“I don’t know. I didn’t see her when I came up here,” he said.

“Si Yakov?”

“Still sleeping.”

Napatango ako. Okay. Hindi n’ya malalaman na hindi ako sa kwarto namin natulog kagabi. I should get back before he wakes up.

“I should go,” I said.

He nodded as I got up from the bed. Nakita ko s’yang naglakad papunta sa kung saan nakalagay ang travelling bag n’ya. Probably to get dressed. Finally.

Ako naman ay naglakad papunta sa pinto. Bubuksan ko na sana ’yon pero napatigil sa ere ang kamay kong hahawakan na sana ang doorknob. Bigla ang pagbundol ng kaba sa dibdib ko at nag-panic na naman ako.

“Serj!”

Napalingon kaagad s’ya sa akin at napakunot ang noo. Siguro ay nahalata n’ya ang pagpa-panic sa sistema ko dahil halos tumakbo na rin ako palapit sa kanya. He was holding the knot of the towel on his waist, about to take it off. Pero hindi ko ’yon pinansin at tuloy-tuloy lang sa paglapit sa kanya. I had a bigger problem that my mind failed to register what he was about to do.

“I think you should get out first,” sabi ko nang makalapit.

He frowned.

“What?”

He looked really confused. I would admire the cute look on his face if only I was not panicking.

“Get out first. Check where Tita Tessa and Tito Charles are.”

Serj just stared at me.

“I don’t understand what you want me to do,” he said.

“Baka makasalubong ko kasi sila sa paglabas ko! Check where they are first! Then balik ka rito ’pag safe na akong lumabas.”

Mas matagal ang naging titig n’ya sa akin ngayon. What? Hindi n’ya ba naintindihan? Ah, oo nga. Nag-Tagalog ako. Should I translate what I said?

“You’re seriously asking me to do that?” he asked.

Oh, naintindihan n’ya pala.

Tumango ako.

“Wala dapat makakita na lalabas ako ng kwarto mo. No one should even know that I slept here in your room!”

“But it’s not like we did something wrong. I slept downstairs.”

Mariin akong umiling.

“Mas lalong wala dapat makaalam na natulog ka mag-isa sa baba!” I hissed. “Sige na! Check where Tito Charles and Tita Tessa are!”

“Alright, alright!” pagsuko n’ya. “But can you let me get dressed first?”

Natigilan ako. I took that time to drink in the situation.

I was standing in front of Serj. Who was topless. Who was only wearing a towel from his waist down. Who was still holding the knot together, preventing it from falling off, or because he was about to take it off when I approached him.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at mabilis na napaatras sa kanya. The back of my leg touched the side of the bed. Muntik pa nga akong matumba sa sobrang pagkataranta. Serj chuckled with the way I acted.

“I’ll get dressed in the bathroom,” he said.

Mabilis akong tumango at nag-iwas ng tingin. Narinig ko pa ang mahinang pagtawa n’ya at ang mga yabag n’ya papunta sa banyo. Then I heard him close the door.

Napaupo ako sa kama. Bigla yata akong nawalan ng lakas. My face felt so hot that I was sure I was blushing right now. Mahina kong sinampal ang mga pisngi ko.

“Calm down, Nat. Calm down,” pagkausap ko na sa sarili ko.

I groaned. What am I doing anyway? Bakit ba kasi ganito ang nagiging reaksyon ko kay Serj? Am I attracted to him that much? Gosh! The moment our eyes met, nakaramdaman na ako ng kakaiba, eh.

How am I supposed to stop this? Hell, how could I even act normally around him! Kapag nand’yan s’ya, nagugulo ang sistema ko, eh.

Bumukas ang pinto ng banyo at mabilis akong tumayo. Parang automatic ang reaksyon ko at napairap na lang ako sa sarili ko.

Nakakainis!

I looked at Serj. He was wearing a black shirt. Ang simple lang ng shirt n’ya at walang kahit anong print doon. He was also wearing black khaki shorts.

Favorite n’ya yata ang black. Well… bagay naman talaga sa kanya.

“I’ll go now,” he said. “I don’t think they’re still in the room though. They’re probably downstairs already.”

“Pero check mo pa rin,” I insisted. I couldn’t risk anyone seeing me stepping out of Serj’s room. Lalo na nina Tito Charles at Tita Tessa. Baka kung ano pang isipin nila.

I know that they will believe me if I explained everything but still, mas gugustuhin ko na lang na walang makaalam.

“Alright, alright,” Serj said with a chuckle. Hindi ko alam kung naiinis ba s’ya o natatawa sa pinapagawa ko sa kanya.

I smiled helplessly at him.

“Thanks.”

Napangisi s’ya bago naglakad palapit sa pinto.

“Stay here,” he said before he opened the door.

I nodded. “Okay.”

Serj finally went out. Nanatili na lang akong nakatayo sa tabi ng kama at naghintay sa pagbalik n’ya. Napatingin ako sa kamang hinigaan ko. Magulo iyon, halatang hinigaan ng kung sino. It was Serj’s room but he was not the reason why the bed was messy.

I sighed. Inayos ko ang kama pati na rin ang kumot. Ang unan ay inayos ko na rin. I made sure that no one would ever have a hint that I slept on Serj’s bed.

I looked around the room. Nagpa-panic kasi ako kanina kaya hindi ko maayos na nakita ang buong kwarto. There was nothing new to see anyway. The only thing that indicates that this was Serj’s room was his travelling bag on the corner.

Huh… ’Di ba naghanap s’ya ng damit kanina? Pero maayos pa rin ang pagkakabalik sa travelling bag. Unlike kay Yakov na nagulo lahat ng mga nasa loob kapag naghahanap ng damit.

Well, Serj had this independent aura in him anyway. While Yakov still sometimes depended on the people around him.

I groaned inwardly. I really, really need to stop comparing the brothers!

I heard a knock on the door kaya napatingin ako sa pinto. Kinabahan pa ako na baka si Tita Tessa na ’yon! But the door opened and Serj stepped inside the room.

Nakahinga ako nang maluwag. Kumatok pa kasi s’ya, eh, kwarto n’ya naman ’to! Hindi na n’ya kailangan gawin ’yon.

“You’re clear,” maikling sabi n’ya.

I sighed in relief.

“Where are they?”

“Downstairs,” he said. He looked like he still had something to say but decided not to say it.

Hmm?

“Si Yakov?” tanong ko.

“Still sleeping.”

Hindi ko napigilan ang mapatawa.

“He probably enjoyed bonding with you last night, huh?” I said.

He smirked as he shrugged his shoulders. Hindi na s’ya nagsalita at tinitigan lang ako kaya nailang na naman ako.

“I should go,” sabi ko dahil baka kung ano na naman ang maramdaman ko. Hindi ko talaga kayang tumagal sa presensya n’ya. Ang lakas ng dating n’ya!

“Alright,” he said and he held out his hand, motioning the way to me.

Pinauna n’ya akong lumabas. Ayoko sanang nasa likuran ko s’ya. Ramdam na ramdam ko kasi ang titig n’ya sa akin. Hindi ko rin naman alam kung bakit ako ang tinitignan n’ya at hindi ang daan!

There was no sign of anyone outside the room. Mukhang nasa baba na nga sila.

“Thanks for this this, Serj,” sabi ko nang nasa tapat na kami ng pintuan ng kwarto namin ni Yakov. I was safe now. “Sorry din sa abala.

“It’s alright,” he said. Nakapamulsa lang s’ya at prenteng nakatayo sa harapan ko. Ako lang talaga ang namroblema kanina.

“Papasok na ako,” I said.

“Wait.”

Napatigil ako sa pagtalikod na sana para buksan na ang pinto at pumasok na sa kwarto. Napaharap ulit ako kay Serj. I looked at him, confused.

“I guess what happened is a secret between us.”

Napakurap ako.

“I… think so,” nalilito kong sabi.

He didn’t say anything and just stared at me. Napatitig na lang din ako pabalik sa kanya. Nalilito pa sa gusto n’yang iparating sa sinabi n’ya. Then I noticed his lips curled into a smirk.

“Alright. See you at the breakfast table.”

Napatango ako. Hinintay kong umalis s’ya at bumaba na pero nakatayo lang s’ya roon. Tsaka ko naalala ’yung kagabi.

He wanted me to go in first.

Tumalikod na ako at binuksan ang pinto. He was still standing there as I finally closed the door.

Huh… My morning was already so chaotic.

Napatingin ako sa kama na nasa loob ng kwarto at nakitang nakahiga pa rin doon si Yakov. Sigurado akong may hangover s’ya sa paggising n’ya. Lasing na lasing kasi talaga s’ya kagabi. I could almost hear his complaints when he woke up. Kung bakit ba naman kasi uminom nang ganoong karami until he passed out.

I sighed. This was supposed to be our last day here. How could he enjoy this day and bond with his brother if he has a hangover? Dapat sana ay mamayang gabi na lang s’ya nagpakalasing. We were planning to have a whole day trip pa naman sana ngayon.

I’ll ask Aling Corazon na lang for medicine that he could take for his hangover. Para nakahanda na sa paggising n’ya.

I decided to take a bath para makapag-almusal na. Dinala ko na sa loob ng banyo ang damit ko at doon na rin nagbihis. I wore a powder blue beach dress that has an off-shoulder style. Kitang-kita tuloy ang mapuputi kong mga balikat. The length reached my knees.

Paglabas ko ng banyo ay tulog pa rin si Yakov. Napabuntong-hininga na lang ako at nilapitan s’yang nakadapa sa kama. He should wake up kung gusto n’yang sulitin ang pagbisita ng kapatid n’ya ngayon. I heard they had a hard time convincing him to finally visit. Baka matagal pa bago maulit or yet, baka hindi na maulit ang pagbisita ni Serj.

Huh…

I sat on the side of the bed and decided to wake Yakov up. Kung hihintayin pa s’yang magising, baka mamayang hapon na ’yon.

“Yakov.” He didn’t move. “Yakov.”

Nang hindi pa rin talaga s’ya gumalaw ay niyugyog ko na s’ya. Nakailang malalakas na yugyog pa ako before he finally gave me a response.

He groaned as his eyebrows creased. Pero hindi pa rin nagdidilat ng mga mata.

“Yakov, get up. Bumangon ka na since last day na natin ngayon dito. Babalik na tayo bukas pa-Manila. Sulitin mo ’yung time while your brother’s still here.”

Dahil sa sinabi ko ay idinilat n’ya ang isang mata n’ya. I chuckled. Nahalata ko kasing may hangover nga talaga s’ya.

“Magpapaluto ako ng soup para sa hangover mo. Maligo na ka na para pagbaba mo naka-ready na ’yung soup.”

“Hmm,” he just said and closed his eyes again.

Napapangiti na lang akong napabuntong-hininga. Tumayo na ako at naglakad palabas ng kwarto. Sigurado na rin naman akong babangon na s’ya. Alam ko kung gaano n’ya kagustong maka-bond ang kuya n’ya at hindi n’ya hahayaang masayang ang oras dahil lang sa hangover n’ya.

Bumaba na ako. It was Serj that I first spotted as I went down. He was holding a cup of… probably coffee and was about to take a seat when he saw me. He raised an eyebrow at me as he watched me approach the table.

“Natalia, hija! Good morning,” bati sa akin ni Tita Tessa nang makita ako at pinasadahan ng tingin. “You look gorgeous!”

Nahihiya akong napangiti.

“Thank you, tita. Good morning din po.” Binalingan ko rin si Tito Charles na nakaupo na sa pwesto n’ya. “Good morning, Tito Charles.”

“Good morning din, hija,” he said. Napakunot ang noo n’ya. “Nasaan si Yakov?”

“Ginising ko na ho. Bababa na rin ’yon maya-maya.”

Umupo na ako. Napansin kong umupo na rin sa pwesto n’ya si Serj.

“Late na yatang nagising si Yakov, ah?” puna ni Tito Charles.

“Lasing na lasing ho. May hangover pa.” Napatingin ako kay Aling Corazon na naglagay ng ulam sa table. “Aling Corazon, makikisuyo ho sanang ipagluto n’yo si Yakov ng soup na makakatulong sa hangover n’ya. At saka, gamot na rin ho sana.”

“Walang problema, hija. May gamot naman na diyan. Lulutuan ko na lang ng sabaw,” sabi ni Aling Corazon na mabait na nakangiti sa akin.

I smiled back at her.

“Salamat ho.”

“Ah! Ideal daughter-in-law ko talaga ’tong si Natalia,” sabi ni Tita Tessa na umupo na sa tabi ko. “Napakamaalaga. Siguradog-sigurado akong hindi n’ya pababayaan ang anak ko.”

Napangiti na lang ako. Hindi ko kasi alam kung anong dapat sabihin doon.

“So, you and Yakov had fun last night?” tanong ni Tito Charles kay Serj.

Nakita ko ang ngisi sa mga labi ni Serj na itinago n’ya sa pag-inom ng kape. I noticed him glancing my way and his smirk turned playful.

“Yeah… I had the best time last night.”

I shoot him dagger looks. It was obvious that he had a hidden meaning behind those words!

But he seemed unbothered. Hindi man lang ako tinignan.

“That’s great to hear!” tuwang-tuwang sabi ni Tita Tessa na walang ideya sa kung anong ibig sabihin ng anak. “You guys should do it again!”

Serj chuckled. Sinulyapan pa ako bago tumingin sa ina.

“Sure… That would be a great idea.”

Chapter 7

Nasa kalagitnaan na kami ng pag-aalmusal nang sa wakas ay makababa na rin si Yakov. His hair was still damp. Mukhang hindi na s’ya nag-abalang tuluyang tuyuin iyon. He looked tired but he flashed everyone a smile when he saw us. 

Dahan-dahan ang ginawa n’yang pag-upo sa tabi ng kapatid n’ya. It was like he was avoiding extreme movements. He groaned as he took a seat. Nakatingin lang kaming lahat kay Yakov hanggang sa makaupo na s’ya.

“Are you okay, son?” tanong ni Tito Charles na mukhang gustong matawa sa itsura ng anak.

Yakov didn’t say anything. He just held out a hand. Napapikit pa at hindi na gumalaw.

“What’s that?” Tito Charles asked. Nagtataka siguro sa ginawa ni Yakov.

“’Wag n’yo muna akong kausapin, dad. Nahihilo ako.”

Natawa na lang si Tito Charles sa kanya. Kahit ako ay napangiti na rin.

’Yan… Nagpakalasing ba naman kasi.

“Masakit ang ulo mo?” Tita Tessa asked.

“Medyo.” Yakov winced. “Nabawasan naman nu’ng makaligo ako.”

“O, s’ya. Humigop ka muna ng sabaw para maginhawaan ka,” Aling Corazon said as she placed a bowl of hangover soup in front of Yakov. Isinunod n’ya ang gamot. “Inumin mo rin ’tong gamot pagkatapos para tuluyang mawala ang sakit ng ulo mo.”

“Salamat ho.” Yakov sounded grateful. Nagsimula na s’yang humigop ng sabaw. He even let out a sigh of relief when he had his first sip.

Napatingin ako kay Serj at napansin na nakatingin lang s’ya sa kapatid. He stopped eating. I noticed his eyes followed the spoon as Yakov put it down in the bowl.

“You can take a rest first if you want,” he said. “We’ll go once you feel okay.”

Napalingon kaagad si Yakov sa kapatid at mabilis na umiling. Parang biglang nawala ang iniindang hangover at sunod-sunod pa ang pag-iling n’ya.

“I’m okay, kuya! Mawawala rin naman ’tong hangover ko maya-maya,” Yakov said. “We already made plans on where to go today.”

“Ah, may plano na kayo?” It was Tito Charles who asked. He finished his breakfast already and was just sipping his coffee.

Yakov nodded. Hindi ko alam kung nagpapanggap lang ba s’yang wala nang hangover para matuloy ang plano nila ngayon o nawala na talaga sa isiping masasayang lang ang oras nila kapag ininda n’ya pa ang hangover n’ya.

“Half-day tour sa Sugba Lagoon then Tayangban Cave after, dad. It’s a shame that we wouldn’t be able to explore all the islands but those two attractions are the best anyway.”

“Hindi ba delikado sa Tayangban Cave? Running water pa naman ang current do’n,” may pag-aalala sa boses ni tita Tessa nang sabihin iyon.

Ako naman ay nakikinig lang. Wala kasi akong ideya sa lugar na sinasabi nila. It was my first time here in Siargao though.

“But kuya said he wanted to give it a try.” Nilingon ni Yakov ang kapatid. “’Di ba, kuya?”

Serj nodded.

“Yeah.” He then looked at me. “Are you coming with us?”

Nagulat ako dahil hindi ko inaasahan ang bigla n’yang pagtatanong sa akin. Ang atensyon tuloy ng mga nasa table ay napunta na rin sa akin. They were all looking at me, waiting for my answer.

I looked at Tita Tessa beside me. She was smiling, encouraging me to say yes. Naalala kong sinabi n’ya nga palang makisama rin ako sa magkapatid dahil iyon daw ang gusto ni Yakov.

“Sasama s’ya, kuya.” Si Yakov na ang sumagot para sa akin. “May tour guide naman sa Tayangban Cave. May mag-aalalay kay Nat.”

Hmm? Gaano ba kadelikado du’n sa cave at kailangan pang may umalalay sa akin? Malakas ba ang agos ng tubig? Lulusong ba kami?

Napansin ko ang paggalaw ni Serj kaya napabaling ang tingin ko sa kanya. He was frowning at his brother. He even looked like he was trying to figure him out. He was just looking at him and wasn’t saying anything.

“Ikaw na ang umalalay sa kanya, Yakov. Nand’yan ka naman,” sabi ni Tito Charles.

“Huh? Ah, sige.” That was all Yakov could manage to say.

I sighed. I had this feeling that I would be just an inconvenience to them. Baka imbes na mag-enjoy sila, kailangan pa nila akong alalayan in every way. Mas maganda nga namang mamasyal if you don’t have someone to worry about other than yourself.

Dapat pa ba akong sumama?

“It’s your first time here too, right?” Serj asked so I looked at him and nodded.

“Yeah.”

Napatango s’ya.

“That’s great. Being with someone who’s also unfamiliar with the case makes me feel at ease. At least I’m not the only one.” He smirked at me. I know that there was something behind his smirk. “We should enjoy exploring the place together then.”

Napatitig ako kay Serj. Somehow… I feel like he was encouraging me to go with them. Hindi n’ya lang gustong sabihin nang deretso. I feel like he just read what I was thinking earlier. I have no idea how he did that but… I feel grateful to him.

Nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin ni Yakov sa amin ng kapatid n’ya. Napatagal siguro ang pagtitig ko kay Serj at napansin n’ya iyon kaya nagtataka ngayon. Kinabahan ako at mabilis na nag-iwas ng tingin. Pinagtuunan ko na lang ng pansin ang plato ko at itinuloy ang pagkain.

“So, you’re like that too, Hijo? You feel at ease when someone is the same as you,” sabi ni Tito Charles.

Serj chuckled. Iniwasan ko ang mapatingin sa kanya.

“I just think that we will enjoy it more if she’s with us.”

Napangiti si Tita Tessa.

“I won’t have to worry about Natalia, then. My two sons are with her. I know that you’ll both take good care of her.”

“Of course,” it was Serj who answered.

Mabilis na napalingon si Yakov sa kapatid. He looked confused. Mukhang hindi n’ya inaasahan na gano’n ang mga sinasabi ni Serj.

I have no idea what he was thinking but I know that it won’t do me good. Mabilis akong nag-isip ng panibagong topic.

“Hindi ka sasama, tita?” I asked Tita Tessa. Nakahinga ako nang maluwag nang lumingon na rin si Yakov sa ina. He looked like he was waiting for her answer too.

Tita Tessa shook her head.

“No. Hahayaan na namin kayong mag-enjoy.

I looked at her in confusion.

“Pati si Tito Charles hindi rin sasama?”

“Hindi na, hija. You kids should go and have fun on your own.”

“Dad!” As expected, mabilis ang pagrereklamo ni Yakov sa sinabi ni Tito Charles. “Sabing hindi na kami mga bata!”

Natawa kami ni Tita Tessa. Mukhang tuluyan na ngang nawala ang hangover ni Yakov.

After our breakfast, nagyaya na agad si Yakov na umalis na kami papunta sa Sugba Lagoon. Maganda raw kung maaga kami para hindi pa masyadong maraming tao. Dumadami raw kasi ang mga turista roon mga bandang hapon na.

I had to go back to the room para magsuot ng bikini sa ilalim ng dress ko. The string from the top was showing from my off-shoulder dress as I had to tie it at the back of my neck. But it looked good. Nagmukha pa ngang karugtong iyon ng dress as they almost had the same shade in color.

Bumaba na rin ako pagkatapos magbihis pero bago kami umalis ay kinausap ko muna si Tita Tessa. I was bothered by the conversation earlier.

“Tita, are you sure that you won’t come with us? Chance mo na rin po ’to para maka-bond si Serj.”

I felt bad earlier. I didn’t know that they’d just stay here today. I mean, gustong-gusto n’yang makasama si Serj at makabawi. This was her chance.

Tita Tessa took a deep breath and gave me a kind smile.

“To be honest, I really want to but I could tell that Serj is still not comfortable with me. Ayokong namang balewalain ang nararamdaman n’ya at ipilit ang gusto ko. Baka mas lalong lumayo ang loob n’ya sa akin. For now… I’ll let Yakov enjoy his time with his brother.”

“Pero, Tita…”

She shook her head. Hinawakan n’ya ang dalawang kamay ko.

“It’s okay… Though I want to ask for a favor from you. Please, make sure that Serj will enjoy the tour. So, there will be a great chance na gugustuhin n’ya ulit bumalik dito.”

I have no idea how I would do that. Naging abala pa nga ako ngayong umaga kay Serj. Baka nga ako pa ang maging dahilan kung bakit hindi n’ya na gugustuhing bumisita ulit dito. And it’s not like we’re friends.

Tatanggi na sana ako but the look in Tita Tessa’s eyes made me nod my head. I just couldn’t say no at the hope in her eyes. I sighed helplessly when she gave me a wide smile.

“Thank you, hija. Ikaw din. ’Wag mong kalilimutang mag-enjoy.”

Sugba Lagoon was an hour away from where we were staying. Kaya rin pala gustong umalis nang maaga ni Yakov ay dahil matagal ang byahe. It was past eleven in the morning when we finally arrived at the place.

As soon as I saw the place, I fell in love with it. It was a really beautiful attraction. The lagoon was surrounded by epic mountains. The water was so clear and blue that it glistened as the sunlight hit the surface. I saw people kayaking and swimming in the water and they looked like they were having a great time. Rinig na rinig ko ang mga huni ng ibon na nakadagdag ng experience sa lugar.

I will never get tired just looking at the scenery. Kahit nga hindi na ako umalis dito, okay lang sa akin.

It feels like I just entered a magical place where fairies and mermaids would welcome me anytime now.

“Ang ganda rito, Yakov,” hindi ko na napigilang sabihin ang paghanga ko sa lugar.

“I know! This is one of the most famous attractions here in Siargao,” may pagmamayabang na sabi ni Yakov.

Naiintindihan ko naman kung anong ibig n’yang sabihin. My eyes were filled with the beautiful scenery. Ang ganda-ganda talaga ng lugar. May mga tao na rin pagdating namin but despite being one of the most famous attractions as per Yakov, the place isn’t overcrowded.

Yakov rented a hut where we could place our things. Serj and him both took off their shirts. Ang mga mata ko ay nakatingin na naman sa katawan ni Serj.

“Let’s do kayaking earlier to explore the whole lagoon but first, let’s try diving.” May itinuro si Yakov at pareho naming sinundan ni Serj ng tingin ang itinuro n’ya.

My blood drained at the thing where Yakov was pointing. It was a diving board. Sinundan ko kung gaano iyon kataas pero nasilaw lang ako.

“Ang taas!” I said.

Kunot-noong napalingon tuloy sa akin si Yakov. Halatang hindi sumasang-ayon sa sinabi ko.

“Twelve to fifteen feet lang ’yan! Anong mataas?”

“Hindi naman kasi ako diver, hello?” sarkastiko kong sabi at halos irapan na s’ya.

Kainis. Alam n’ya naman may slight fear of heights ako!

“Tara na. Pumila na tayo. May three-hour limit lang dito sa lagoon,” sabi n’ya na para bang wala na akong karapatan tumanggi. Nauna na nga s’yang umalis at pumila na.

Minsan talaga nakakainis ’tong si Yakov.

Napatingin ulit ako sa diving board at nakaramdam ng pag-aalangan. I haven’t really tried diving in my entire life. Alam ko naman kung paano lumangoy pero natatakot ako sa pagtalon sa tubig mula sa mataas.

Paano kung sa paglubog ko ay hindi kaagad ako makalangoy paaangat ng tubig? Paano kung bigla akong pulikatin? Paano kung—

“Are you okay?”

I look at Serj. He was leaning down a bit. Sinisilip n’ya ang mukha ko. He had to do it so our eyes would level.

“Huh?” I blinked. “Yeah…”

“Are you afraid?”

Walang pang-aasar sa mga mata n’ya nang itanong iyon. He wasn’t teasing me. He was asking me curiously.

Napatingin ako sa itaas ng diving board. Hindi nga ganoong kataasan para sa iba pero para sa katulad kong nanginginig ang mga tuhod sa mga matataas na lugar, mataas na para sa akin iyon. Just imagining myself at the end of the diving board was enough to make my knees shake.

Saktong may tumalon at sinundan ko ng tingin ang taong iyon hanggang sa bumagsak s’ya sa tubig. Malaki ang naging talsik ng tubig sa pagbagsak n’ya.

“Yeah…” I admitted.

“But don’t you want to try it? Doesn’t it look fun?”

It does.

Rinig ko ang pagsigaw ng mga ibang tumatalon sa pagbasgsak nila. There were some who were whooping in delight. Ang mga babae ay tumitili pero pag-angat sa tubig ay tumatawa naman. They looked like they had fun with their jump.

“What if I won’t float?” I told Serj about one of my worries. Ibinalik ko ang tingin sa kanya.

“But you can swim, right?”

“Yeah… But what if I’ll have… leg cramps?” Nakakatakot pa namang pulikatin sa tubig.

He didn’t give me an answer and just stared at me. His eyes roamed around my face. Parang may hinahanap sa mukha ko. I watched his eyes move as he stared at every part of my face. Nagtagal ang tingin n’ya sa mga labi ko. Napalunok ako at kusang umawang ang mga labi ko. He looked at me in the eyes again.

“Can’t you just try to feel the excitement instead of worrying?” he said.

Napatitig lang ako sa kanya at hindi nagsalita. He took it as I was still considering the thought.

“Those worries… Those what-ifs are what stopping people from taking a big adventure in their lives. They stop people from enjoying things. At the end of the day, all that will remain are regrets of not doing something because they let the worries and fear stop them.”

He tilted his head to the side. He had a kind look on his face when he stared at me.

“So why don’t you just feel the excitement, have fun, and stop worrying about things that might not even happen?”

I can’t believe this. Pinapalakas n’ya ang loob ko. I’ve never expected him to be like this.

“But they might happen though,” I said.

He shrugged his shoulders.

“You won’t even know. What if they won’t happen and you’re just worrying for nothing?”

“But what if they actually happen?”

Napangiwi ako nang mapahugot s’ya nang malalim na buntong-hininga. Nauubusan na yata ng pasensya sa akin.

I was just… really worried. And scared. Ganoon naman talaga, hindi ba? Kapag may bago sa buhay mo, hindi mo mapipigilan ang pag-aalala. Because there’s something new in your life that was not in your comfort zone. Hindi ka sanay and you couldn’t help but overthink.

Tinitigan ako ni Serj. He looked like he was trying to figure out what to do with me. Naalala ko tuloy ’yung favor sa akin ni Tita Tessa.

I’m sorry po, Tita. Looked like I ended up being an inconvenience to Serj.

“Kayo na lang ni Yakov ang—”

“I’ll fall with you.”

Napatigil ako sa pagsasalita. I stared at Serj.

“What?”

“You jump first and I’ll follow you right after,” he said.

Huh… That scared me. I thought I heard him say something that was heart-thumping worthy.

“What do you think?” he asked when I didn’t say anything.

Napalabi ako.,

“You’ll help me in case I won’t float?” paniniguro ko sa gusto n’yang mangyari.

He looked like he was fighting a smile from showing on his lips.

“Yes.”

“You’ll help me in case I’ll have leg cramps?”

He chuckled this time.

“Yeah…”

Napangiti na rin ako.

“Okay. I’m in.”

He smirked at me.

“Good girl.”

I took off my dress. Ang lamig ng hangin ay dumampi sa balat ko. Sinundan na namin si Yakov sa pila. Serj told his brother to jump first. Ako ang pinasunod n’ya and he said that he’ll jump last.

“I figured you’ll feel safer if Yakov is already in the water when you make your jump,” he said.

Ang totoo ay hindi ko na naisip ’yon. I was too worried about jumping. Ang iniisip ko ay kung paano lulutang pataas at lalabanan ang pwersa ng paglubog ko sa tubig mamaya.

But, yeah… He was right. I’ll feel more secure if that’s the case.

“Thanks,” I said.

Unti-unting umuusad ang pila. Hindi naman ganoong kahaba at mabilis naman ang pag-usad. May tatlong tao na lang ang nasa harap namin.

Yakov was obviously excited. Ang daldal n’ya. Habang ako naman ay tahimik lang dahil habang palapit kami nang palapit ay palala naman nang palala ang kaba ko. Nanlalamig na ang mga kamay ko.

“Relax…” I heard Serj say. “Relax and have fun.”

It was Yakov’s turn to jump. He was already standing at the top of the stairs. Nasa baba ako kaya nakatingala ako sa kanya, inaabangan ang gagawin n’ya. Then, I saw him run to get momentum before he jump at the end of the board. Mataas ang naging pagtalon n’ya. I heard splashed as he fell down the water.

It was now my turn.

Napatingin ako kay Serj.

“Kinakabahan ako,” sabi kong bahagya n’yang ikinatawa.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be with you.”

I stared at him. I took a deep breath before I finally took a step. Umakyat na ako sa hagdan at nakasunod lang si Serj sa likod ko. He was one step behind me, fulfilling his promise.

Thinking that he was just there helped me find my courage. Ginaya ko ang ginawa ni Yakov kanina. I ran and when I was at the end of the board, I jumped towards the water.

Hindi man lang ako nakatili sa pagbagsak ko. I heard the wind whooshing in my ears as I fell down. Nakaramdam ako ng pagkalula pero bago pa sumunod ang takot ay ang pagbasak ko na sa tubig.

I was sinking. Palubog ako nang paglubog. I started to get worried that I wouldn’t be able to float and would just keep on sinking. But then, I heard a muffled splash on my left. Parang bigla akong nagising at naalala ang dapat gawin.

I tried to kick my way up but I felt someone holding my waist. Nagulat ako pero naramdam ko ang pag-angat ko. Mabilis until I felt my head ascend from the water. Agad ang pagkuha ko ng hangin. Kasabay noon ay ang pag-ahon din ni Serj sa tabi ko.

I looked at him as he brushed his hair upwards off his face. Nagkatinginan kami.

And then I laughed.

“That was awesome!” I exclaimed.

It really was! I could still feel my heart thumping and my blood boiling dahil sa pagtalon ko. I still couldn’t calm down!

I heard Serj chuckle. Nakatitig s’ya sa akin habang tumatawa ako.

“Did you enjoy it?” he asked. Hindi pa rin n’ya inaalis ang titig sa mukha ko. It almost seemed like he was enjoying watching me laugh.

“Yes!” I exclaimed. Tumango pa ako nang may malaking ngiti rin sa mga labi ko.

“Do you want to do it again?”

“No.” Mabilis akong umiling habang nakangiti pa rin.

Natawa s’ya sa bilis ng sagot ko.

“I thought you enjoyed it?”

“Yeah. Pero ayoko nang gawin ulit.”

“Oh, come on! Don’t you want to feel it again? The adrenaline?”

Natigilan ako. To be honest, hindi ko naisip na magugustuhan ko ang pakiramdam ng pagtalon sa tubig. I was scared before I jumped. I wasn’t expecting that after that fear would come the great feeling.

“C’mon… Yakov’s back in the line again.”

Dahil sa sinabi n’ya ay napatingin ako sa mga nakapila sa diving board. Napakunot ang noo ko nang makitang nandoon nga si Yakov at nakapila ulit.

What? Bakit nandoon na agad s’ya? Hinintay man lang ba n’ya akong makatalon sa tubig?

“So?” Napatingin ako kay Serj. Hinihintay n’ya ang sagot ko.

Hindi pa rin mawala sa isip ko ang ginawa ni Yakov. Bahagya akong nakaramdam ng pagkadismaya. But as I looked at Serj, naalala ko ang pabor na hiningi sa akin ni Tita Tessa. I didn’t want to be a killjoy.

“You’ll jump again too?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

“You’ll jump right after me again?”

He chuckled as he nodded.

“Yeah… I’ll fall with you.”

Agad ang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko. That was it. That was what he said earlier. The heart-thumping worthy words that he said. I even had to remind myself that what he meant was falling in the water with me.

I smiled at him.

“Okay. Let’s try it again.”

Chapter 8

Isang oras din bago kami tuluyang nagsawa sa pagda-dive. I really had fun. Hindi lang isa o dalawang beses akong nag-dive. Huminto lang ako nang makaramdaman na ng pagod.

Nang ma-satisfy na ako sa diving ay lumangoy na lang ako. The water was cold but it was relaxing. Nag-e-enjoy na ako sa paglangoy, busog pa ang mga mata ko dahil sa ganda ng paligid.

After that, we rented a kayak boat that was good for three people. I sat in the middle while Yakov and Serj sat at both ends of the boat, rowing. Hindi na nagsawa ang mga mata ko sa katitingin sa paligid. Those epic mountains just looked so magnificent. I didn’t know why but the mountains, and their green scenery, always have a huge impact on me. I always fell in love looking at them.

“Hindi ko alam na may ganitong kagandang lugar, Yakov!” I exclaimed. The mountains I loved were surrounded by the blue water glistening under the sunlight.

I could stay here forever.

“It’s relaxing, right?” rinig kong sabi ni Yakov na nasa harapan ko. His back was facing me. “Madalas akong pumupunta rito kapag gusto kong mag-unwind. The scenery can take your stress away.”

Napatitig ako sa likuran ni Yakov. Huh… Hindi ko alam ’yon. Although I knew that Yakov was an adventurous guy. Madalas s’yang umaalis just to explore places. Alam ko ang tungkol doon pero hindi ang bagay na may binabalik-balikan pala s’yang lugar.

“Madalas ka pala rito?” I asked. Naalala ko rin tuloy na tinanong s’ya nang ganito ni Serj kahapon.

“Ha? Medyo,” he said. “Mas gusto ko rito sa Siargao. I have my own rest house. Tapos nand’yan pa si Aling Corazon para sa mga kailangan ko.”

“You should’ve brought me here before then. Para sana hindi ko lang ngayon na-enjoy ang lugar.”

Nanghihinayang talaga akong ngayon ko lang nakita ang lugar. I felt like I’ve missed so much in my life just to discover this magical place now. Maybe, just like Yakov, nakapag-relax din sana ako rito noon pa.

I heard Yakov’s scoffed. Bahagya n’ya akong nilingon at hindi ko nagustuhan ang ngiting nakita ko sa mga labi n’ya. That smile told me everything even before he spoke.

“Nat, have you forgotten? You were so busy with your life. You were so busy being an achiever. You never had the time for things like this.”

Lumingon  na ulit sa harap si Yakov. Ako naman ay natigilan. Was that how I really was? Masyado nga ba akong naging busy sa buhay ko na nakalimutan ko nang  mag-enjoy?

I couldn’t help thinking back. As a student, I did try to study hard. I tried my best to excel in school. To ace my exams. To always be on the honor roll. To make my parents proud. But… Is there any memory in me that I had fun in school?

Now that I think of it… ang naaalala ko lang ay noong nakasubsob ako sa pag-aaral sa study table ko. I remembered my books were scattered on top of my table while I was doing my homework. I remember the dim light from my lamp, the smell of ink from my pen, and the smudge of ink on my fingers.

But… I did enjoy studying. Masama na ba ’yon? I felt happy making my parents proud.

When I graduated in college, nag-focus ako sa pagpapalago ng clothing line business ko. Mahirap lalo na noong umpisa that I almost gave up. But I didn’t want to disappoint my parents. Ayokong masabihan nila ako na may isang bagay na sinimulan pero susukuan ko rin naman pala sa huli.

So, I worked hard. And my hard work paid off. Umaangat na ngayon ang business ko. Nakapag-ipon pa ako ng pambili ng sarili kong bahay.

But… am I wrong with what I did with my life? Dapat ba, katulad ni Yakov, sinubukan ko ring mag-explore at mag-adventure? Hindi ba ako makakaramdaman ng ganitong panghihinayang dahil ngayon lang ako nakakita ng ganitong kagandang lugar kung naging kagaya ako ni Yakov?

I felt down after that. Halos hindi ko na na-enjoy ang tour namin sa Sugba Lagoon. But I still tried to look like I was enjoying the trip. Hindi na kasi talaga nawala sa isip ko ang sinabi ni Yakov that it was the only thing that’s on my mind for the whole tour.

It was past two in the morning when we finally had our lunch. Inubos kasi namin ang three-hour limit sa lugar especially that it was our last day in Siargao today. Sayang daw kung hindi namin susulitin ang oras.

Because of Serj’s allergy, we had to find a restaurant that didn’t offer shellfish on its menu. Sa huli ay sa isang pork and grill restaurant na lang kami napunta.

“Are you okay?”

I blinked. I looked across the table and there was Serj. Magkatapat kasi ang upuan namin. Katabi ko naman si Yakov pero pagkatapos naming mag-order ng pagkain ay nagpaalam saglit. He said he needed to use the restroom.

Now, we were just waiting for our food to be served. And right now, Serj and I were alone at the table. I was in deep thought since earlier that I wasn’t aware of it.

I made a small smile and nodded.

“Yeah…”

“You’re quiet,” puna n’ya.

“Gutom lang,” I lied. Hindi nga ako nakakaramdam ng gutom. I just ordered food dahil alam kong kailangan na ng pagkain ng katawan ko.

“You sure? It didn’t seem like you were having fun since Yakov’s…” He trailed off.

Nagulat ako roon. I didn’t know that he noticed that! I really tried to look like I was having fun. I tried to match Yakov’s energy and even copied his enthusiasm!

But Serj noticed that I was faking it?

“How…” Hindi ko nagawang ituloy ang sasabihin ko dahil sa gulat.

He shrugged his shoulders. Sumandal pa s’ya sa upuan n’ya.

“I saw how you look when you are having real fun. That time when you laughed after you did your first jump,” he said. “It was a beautiful sight.”

I almost gasped loudly. Halos hindi na kasi ako makahinga sa biglang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko dahil sa sinabi n’ya. I could even hear my own heartbeat. It was so loud at natatabunan na noon ang ingay sa loob ng restaurant. I just hoped that Serj wouldn’t hear it.

What the hell…

Nakatitig lang sa akin si Serj. Hindi ko alam kung namumula ba ako ngayon. But my face and ears feel so hot.

Ah… namumula nga ako. Panigurado.

I let out a nervous laugh. Shit. Now I’m not sure if I could calm down after what he just said.

“Are you talking about me or my laugh?” Idinaan ko na lang sa biro ang sinabi n’ya.

Bahagyang umangat ang sulok ng mga labi ni Serj.

“Hmm… Why don’t you try to figure it out?” hamon n’ya.

I raised my eyebrow at him. Sumandal na rin ako sa upuan.

“Does it mean that I looked bad after that then?”

Napakurap s’ya. Mukhang hindi n’ya inaasahan ang sinabi ko.

“No, that’s not what—”

I laughed.

“I was joking,” I said. Hindi ko kasi alam kung paano aakto ng normal kapag hindi ko idinaan sa biro ang mga sinabi n’ya kanina.

Napailing s’ya. He scratched his left eyebrow and looked at me with a serious expression.

“So? What’s the problem?” He even crossed his arms over his chest like he had all the time in the world to listen to me.

I sighed. Nahalata na n’ya naman, eh.

“What Yakov said just really got into me,” I admitted.

“I thought so.”

I gave him a helpless smile.

“Throughout our relationship, Yakov has always been the carefree one. The easygoing one. While I was the serious girlfriend. He always went on spontaneous trips on his own. He tried inviting me several times but I always declined as I was busy with my studies. Then, he stopped inviting me for some time. Nagsawa na siguro dahil palagi ko rin naman s’yang tinatanggihan.”

“He should’ve continued inviting you though. You’ll never know when you’ll suddenly have free time.”

Napangiwi ako.

“No, it’s okay. Alam ko rin namang may naging pagkukulang ako. I never really had free time back then. I was always busy studying. I became busy being an achiever. I wanted to make my parents proud.”

Halos mapatawa ako sa sarili ko. Huh… What am I doing telling all of these to him? To my boyfriend’s half-brother?

I guess I was not myself these past few days.

“I didn’t get to enjoy things like Yakov did because I was so busy being an achiever,” I even continued. “Did I make a mistake spending those days in my life?”

Serj didn’t say anything. Now that I’ve finished talking, nakaramdam ako ng hiya.

I couldn’t believe I just said those things to him! Ano na lang ang iisipin ni Serj? Instead of enjoying the trip, I just dumped my problems on him!

I’m really sorry, Tita Tessa. Sobrang nag-fail po akong gawin ang hiningi n’yo sa ’king favor.

“Did you regret everything?” Serj suddenly asked. “Did you regret having all your achievements?”

Noong una ay nakatitig lang ako sa kanya pero nang ma-realize ang tanong n’ya ay mabilis akong umiling.

“Of course not. Those are the results of my hard work.”

“Then that’s your answer.”

I didn’t know what to say so I just remained looking at him.

“There’s nothing wrong with being an achiever. Even when you were young. There’s nothing wrong with choosing to focus on your studies instead of having spontaneous trips like what Yakov did,” he said. “Here’s the question… Do you think you’ll ever feel fulfilled if ever you did what he did? Do you think you would feel satisfied if you didn’t focus on your studies?”

Pinag-isipan ko ang sinabi n’ya. I thought of what would happen kung ganoon nga ang ginawa ko. Kung wala ang mga achievements ko ngayon.

I think… my parents would be very disappointed. But aside from them, I’ll be the most disappointed in myself.

I shook my head.

“No… I don’t think so.”

Napatango si Serj. He looked satisfied with my answer.

“That’s what I thought,” he said. “Everyone’s different. Everyone has a different way on how they would feel fulfillment in their lives. Just like you and Yakov are different. Just because he felt the fulfillment in doing those things doesn’t mean that you would too. Well… in any way, if you regret not having those spontaneous trips back then, you can do it now though.”

Ilang sandali akong hindi nakapagsalita at napatitig lang kay Serj. I couldn’t believe it. I just couldn’t believe that he said the words I’ve never thought I needed to hear. Pilit kong nilalabanan ang ngiti ko.

“I’ve never expected that you would be like that,” I said.

He frowned. Hindi n’ya yata inaasahan na ganoon ang sasabihin ko matapos ng mga sinabi n’ya.

“Like what?”

“Exactly like that. My first impression of you was that you were a…” Nag-dalawang isip pa ako kung itutuloy ang plano ko sanang sabihin. Baka kasi ma-offend s’ya.

“An asshole?”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko.

“Ikaw ang nagsabi n’yan, ah!” I pursed my lips. “But… yes.”

He let out a soft chuckle.

“Well, that’s hurtful.”

“I mean, you’re cold! You never smiled!”

“Russians are like that! I’m a Russian!”

“So, is it true then? That Russians don’t smile?”

“We smile but… we just don’t smile all the time. It is actually considered rude to smile at strangers, or in the street. There’s a possibility that police might stop you from just smiling at anyone.”

“Huh… Palangiti pa naman ako. Dapat pala akong mag-ingat ’pag pupunta ako ng Russia.”

I noticed the side of his lips rose.

“If you ever want to go to Russia, just tell me. I’ll take care of you.”

I pursed my lips. Pinigilan ko ang mapangiti. Pero hindi ko rin nakayanan at bahagya pang napatawa.

“Thanks… Also, for your words earlier. I need it.”

He shrugged like it was nothing but he actually had a cocky smile on his lips. Napailing na lang ako.

Huh… I never expected that he would be easy to talk to.

“Anong pinag-uusapan n’yo?”

Napatingin ako sa gilid ko. Hindi ko namalayan na nakabalik na pala si Yakov. Nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin n’ya sa amin ng kapatid n’ya. He was smiling but looked confused.

Napatingin ako kay Serj. Bigla kasi akong kinabahan. I’ve never told those things to Yakov. Or to anyone. It felt so wrong na sinabi ko ang lahat ng iyon sa kanya.

But Serj was just casually looking at Yakov.

“Just how Russians rarely smile,” he even answered most casually.

Huh… Ako lang yata ang kinakabahan na parang may ginagawa kaming mali.

“Oh?” Umupo na si Yakov sa tabi ko. “I’ve heard about that. That’s why at first, I thought na mahirap kang pakisamahan, kuya.”

Nakahinga ako nang maluwag. Yakov started talking about what he heard about Russians. Serj was either confirming or debunking it. Nakinig na lang ako sa kanilang dalawa.

The food came and we began to eat. Ngayong medyo gumanda na ulit ang mood ko, saka ako nakaramdam ng gutom. Serj lifted up my mood, I guess.

It was almost three in the afternoon when we finished eating. Dumeretso kami sa Tayangban cave where we get to talk with the locals and they assigned a tour guide for us.

I wasn’t expecting the trail just to get to the cave. I didn’t know that it was an underwater cave. Kinailangan pa naming bumaba sa trail na mapuno at mabato. It was like we were in the middle of the jungle. Ilang beses pa akong muntik nang matapilok. Dahil nasa likuran ko si Serj, nakikita n’ya iyon at agad naman ang pag-alalay n’ya. While Yakov’s laughing at me whenever he hears my little squeals.

Pinipigilan ko talagang ikumpara ang dalawa pero hindi ko maiwasan kung kitang-kita ko naman ang kaibahan nila!

We finally reached the cave. As we get further inside, nagsisimula nang dumilim ang daan. The guide was the only one holding a torch. I was able to see the stalagmites and stalactites, those beautiful rock formations, as the guide pointed the torch at them.

“What the hell… Are those bats?” tanong ko nang may madaanan ang liwanag ng flashlight sa itaas.

Natawa ang tour guide.

“Oo, ma’am.”

“Kweba nga, eh,” Yakov said that it was common sense and I failed to grasp it.

“Sorry naman,” sarkastikong sabi ko sa kanya. Pinipigilan ang inis.

“There are caves that don’t have bats,” Serj said.

I gave Yakov a smug look pero wala ring silbi dahil nasa harapan ko s’ya at hindi n’ya ako nakikita.

Nagsimula na ring maging masikip ang daan. Now I get why Tita Tessa said that the cave might be dangerous as it really had water current inside. Hanggang dibdib ko at nahihirapan pa akong labanan ang agos ng tubig. Hinigpitan ko na lang ang hawak ko sa lubid na nandoon para kapitan ng mga turista para hindi tangayin ng agos.

But it was so hard. My dress was not helping me either that I slipped on my footing. Napatili ako at ramdam kong matutumba talaga ako. Ramdam kong lulubog ako sa tubig at ’pag nangyari ’yon, baka tuluyan na akong tangayin ng agos.

But I felt a firm arm wrapped around my waist. It was Serj. Malakas n’ya akong hinila patayo but because of the current, he lost his balance too. We were about to get slammed on the rock wall pero mabilis n’yang itinukod ang isang kamay doon. I still felt the impact but the arm that was on my waist moved upward my back, protecting me. His arm took all the impact para hindi ako masaktan.

“Nat!” rinig ko ang pag-aalala sa boses ni Yakov nang lapitan n’ya kami. Pero hindi ko maialis ang tingin ko kay Serj na nakayakap pa rin sa akin ngayon.

I know he’s hurt. I felt the impact behind me. I think that his arm might even get a bruise dahil sa lakas ng pagkakatama noon sa bato.

Serj searched my face, parang naghahanap ng sugat. Then he looked me in the eye.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

What? I can’t believe him. Ako pa talaga ang tinanong n’ya, eh, s’ya nga ’tong nasaktan!

“Ma’am, sir, ayos lang ho ba kayo?” tanong na rin ng tour guide na lumapit na rin sa amin.

“I’m okay but Serj—”

“We’re okay.” Pinutol ni Serj ang sasabihin ko. Maingat s’yang lumayo sa akin.

“Serj—’

“Let’s go. Before it gets dark outside,” he just said.

“Ay, oo nga ho. Bilisan na ho natin. Baka tumaas pa ang tubig pagbalik natin,” the tour guide said.

Ayoko na sana pang tumuloy pero naglakad na ang tour guide. Kahit si Yakov ay nakitaan ko na rin ng pag-aalangan at mukhang nag-aalala para sa aming dalawa ng kapatid n’ya. Pero wala namang sinabi at sumunod na rin sa tour guide.

Wala na rin akong nagawa at sumunod na. Naging mabilis ang pagkilos namin hanggang sa marating na namin ang dulo ng kweba.

We saw an open pool at the end of the cave. It was surrounded by tall rock formations and the water was emerald green. Halos mawala ang pag-aalangan ko kanina dahil sa ganda nang lugar. Pakiramdam ko ay magsisisi ako kung hindi ko makikita ’to.

The place was a hidden gem. It was like a playground for fairies and mermaids. naisip kong dito sila naglalaro o naliligo dahil ayaw nilang makita ng mga tao.

Malalim ang tubig. We took a dip and I decided to take off my dress. Basa na rin naman iyon but I wanted to enjoy swimming in this magical place. Si Yakov ay hindi pa yata nagsasawa sa pagda-dive. Pumupunta pa sa pinakataas ng rock formation at tatalon pababa ng tubig.

Hindi na rin naman kami masyadong nagtagal doon dahil iniiwasan naming gabihin sa daan, but it was really dark inside the cave kahit noong maliwanag pa naman. Fifteen minutes pa naman ang itinagal namin sa loob ng cave kanina.

“Magkakapatid ho kayo?” tanong ng tour guide na nagsimula na ulit kaming gabayan pabalik.

“Girlfriend ko ho tapos kuya ko,” it was Yakov who answered.

“Ay, girlfriend n’yo pala, Sir? Akala ko…”

Hindi na itinuloy ng tour guide ang sasabihin. But I noticed him looking back at us, tinatanaw pa kami ni Serj. Nagpalipat-lipat din ang tingin n’ya sa aming dalawa pero wala namang sinabi at tumingin na ulit sa harapan.

“Lumakas na ho ’yung agos. Doble ingat na lang ho. ’Wag din po kayong bibitiw sa lubid para hindi kayo madala ng agos,” sabi ng tour guide na nagsimula nang tumawid sa kabilang bahagi ng kweba.

“Malakas nga,” pansin ni Yakov nang lumusong na rin s’ya.

Hinintay kong makatawid muna si Yakov sa kabilang bahagi bago ko sinubukan na ring tumawid. Malakas nga ang agos at dinadala ako ng tubig. Dalawang kamay ko na ang nakakapit sa lubid pero kailangan kong abutin ang lubid na nasa kabila para hindi ako agusin sa pagtawid. Pero sinusubukan ko pa lang ay dinadala na ako. Malakas talaga ang agos at pakiramdam ko pa ay mas tumaas na rin ang tubig.

Napabalik ako sa pinaghihintayan ko rin kanina kung nasaan si Serj at hinihintay lang din akong makatawid.

“Ang lakas ng agos. Dinadala ako,” I said.

“Where’s Yakov?” he asked.

“Huh?”

Pareho kaming napatingin sa unahan pero hindi ko na nakita sina Yakov at ang tour guide. Ang nakita ko na lang ay ang liwanag ng flashlight na dala ng tour guide na agad ding nawala nang siguro ay lumiko sila at naharangan na ng mga bato ang liwanag.

“Damn it,” I heard Serj curse.

Dahil wala nang liwanag, madilim at halos wala na akong makita. I could hear the water current. It was louder compared to before. Ibig sabihin, mas lumakas pa ang agos. Nagsimula akong makaramdam ng takot.

“Serj…” I nervously called his name. Hirap makakita ang mga mata ko sa dilim.

“I’m here,” he said. Nasa tabi ko lang ang boses n’ya. “We’re going to cross together.”

“Huh? Paano?”

“Hold onto me.”

“What?”

“Just hold onto me.”

Pagkatapos noon ay naramdaman ko ang mainit n’yang mga palad sa mga balikat ko. My eyesight was not working properly kaya mas lumakas ang ibang senses ko. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang init ng palad n’ya sa balat ko. I felt goosebumps as he caressed his way down my arms, down until he held my hands. Napasinghap ako. He guided my hands to wrap my arms around his shoulders. Nag-alangan pa akong lumapit sa kanyaa.

“Shh… It’s okay,” pag-aalo n’ya nang maramdaman siguro ang pag-aalangan ko.

I took a deep breath. Humakbang ako palapit sa kanya at ginawa ang gusto n’ya. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. Halos nakayakap na ako sa kanya. No, nakayakap na talaga ako sa kanya. My breasts were pressing on his chest. Sobrang lapit naming dalawa.

He smelled fresh water and a woody scent that helped me calm down. Nagustuhan ko ang amoy. I fought the urge to bury my face in his neck and just inhaled his scent so I could completely relax despite the situation we were in.

I felt his hand on the base of my back, keeping me in place as his other hand was holding the rope. He started walking at nagpadala na lang ako sa kanya para hindi s’ya mahirapan. Sinubukan kong tumingin sa harap pero dilim lang ang nakikita ko.

“Serj… Madilim. May nakikita ka pa ba?” I asked.

“It’s okay. My eyes can adjust well to darkness,” he said. His breath was fanning my ears. Na-realize kong mas okay siguro kung manahimik na lang ako.

I could feel the current going against us. Mas lalong kong hinigpitan ang kapit ko kay Serj. He must’ve felt my fear as he now wrapped his arms around my waist. As if he was protecting me.

“I’ll get you across. You need to reach for the rope on the other side,” sabi n’ya.

I tried to look at him but all I could see was the outline of his face.

“What? Paano ka?”

“I’ll guide you. I’ll get you across but when we get to the middle, grab the rope, okay?”

“Baka madala tayo, Serj…” nag-aalala kong sabi. Mas malakas kasi ang agos sa gitna dahil walang mga batong pumipigil doon kaya malaya ang paggalaw ng tubig.

“I won’t let that happen,” he said. “Don’t worry, I won’t let you go.”

Hindi ko man nakikita ang mukha n’ya pero base sa higpit ng braso n’ya na nasa bewang ko, I felt safe. I felt courage. I know that he would protect me.

Tumango ako.

“Okay.”

I heard his chuckle. His voice echoing through the cave helped me to relax.

“That’s my girl…”

I tried doing what he instructed. The water was going against us kaya mas nahirapan kami. But Serj was strong. He stood firm as we got to the middle, waiting for me to grab the rope from the other side of the cave. When I finally did it, hinawakan ko ang kamay n’ya at malakas na hinila s’ya para makatawid na rin.

He was breathing heavily. I guess he did use a lot of strength to fight the current, which was amazing dahil hawak n’ya ako kaya mas mabigat at mas mataas ang chance na madala kami ng tubig. Pero hindi ko naramdaman iyon kanina.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

Bakit ba ako ang palagi n’yang tinatanong, eh, s’ya ’yung nasasaktan?

I nodded. “Ikaw?”

“I’m okay,” he said. “Let’s find the way outside.”

Sinubukan naming sundan na lang ang lubid palabas. Hindi ko na binitiwan ang kamay n’ya habang nasa loob kami. It was so dark! I needed an assurance that I wasn’t alone in the cave! His presence helped me so much!

Nang makalabas na kami ay nakita naming nag-aabang na doon sina Yakov at ang tour guide. Yakov’s face lit up when he spotted us.

“Nat! Kuya!” he called us. Nakalapit na kami sa kanila. “Kanina pa namin kayo hinihintay. Anong nangyari sa inyo?”

“You could’ve at least checked if your girlfriend’s okay!”

Pareho kami ni Yakov na nagulat sa galit na boses ni Serj. He wasn’t shouting, which was worse, dahil mas nakakatakot lang iyon. Halatang-halata kasi ang galit sa kanya kahit hindi naman s’ya sumisigaw.

Napatingin sa akin si Yakov. He looked surprised. Mukhang hindi rin n’ya alam ang gagawin. He looked so lost and didn’t know what to do.

I took a deep breath. Lumapit ako kay Yakov at nginitian s’ya.

“I’m okay. Umuwi na tayo. Madilim na. Baka nag-aalala na rin si Tita Tessa.”

Ilang sandali s’yang tumingin sa akin at tumango. Nauna nang maglakad ang tour guide at sumunod na ako. Sinabayan ako ni Yakov sa paglalakad.

“I’m sorry, Nat…” he said.

Umiling ako at pagod na napangiti.

“It’s okay, Yakov… Let’s just go home and rest, okay?”

He nodded. “Okay…’

Napatingin ako sa likuran at nakitang nakasunod lang sa amin si Serj. He had a hard expression on his face. Naramdaman n’ya sigurong nakatingin ako kaya lumingon s’ya sa akin.

“Let’s go home?” I said.

He stared at me for a while before he took a deep breath. His face finally softened.

“Okay.”

Chapter 9

It looked like Tita Tessa was waiting for us to arrive home. Pagdating kasi namin, nakapagluto na sila ng mga pagkain para sa hapunan namin at nagyaya agad na kumain na kami. Gusto ko pa sanang makaligo na muna pero hinahanda na nila ang mga pagkain sa lamesa. Ayoko namang paghintayin ang pagkain. Ayoko rin namang paghintayin sila. Mukhang hindi pa rin kasi kumakain sina Tita Tessa at Tito Charles at hinihintay lang kami para sabay-sabay nang kumain.

We all sat down at the dining table. Ganoon pa rin ang pwesto namin. Magkatabi sina Serj at Yakov. Katabi ko naman si Tita Tessa. Si Tito Charles naman ay sa pinakapuno ng lamesa pa rin nakaupo.

Tita Tessa asked us how the tour had been. It was Yakov who mostly answered her questions. I sometimes chimed in if the question was directed to me pero pinaubaya ko na rin ang pagkukwento kay Yakov dahil mas makwento naman s’ya.

Pero nahalata ko ang pag-aalangan ni Yakov habang nagkukwento. Sa buong panahong nagkukwento kasi s’ya ay hindi man lang s’ya lumingon sa tabi n’ya kung saan nakaupo si Serj. He looked so awkward while Serj was casually eating his food in silence.

Yakov left out the part where Serj and I got left behind in the cave. He must’ve thought that since his brother got mad at him, his parents would too. Isa pa, hindi rin naman namin sinabi sa kanya ng buo ang nagyari sa kweba. I just told him that the water got high at mas lumakas rin ang agos. Hindi na rin naman s’ya masyadong nagtanong pagkatapos kong sabihin iyon.

“Maaga tayong aalis pabalik sa Manila bukas. Magpahinga kayo nang maaga,” Tita Tessa said.

“Serj, hijo,” tawag atensyon ni Tito Charles kay Serj pero lahat kami ay napatingin sa kanya. “Did you have fun?”

Kay Serj naman kami napatingin ngayon, hinihintay ang sagot n’ya. Si Yakov ay nakatingin lang sa plato n’ya pero halata kong inaabangan n’ya rin ang isasagot ng kapatid.

I saw Serj’s eyes slowly turn to me. Napakurap ako. I noticed how the corner of his lips slightly rose for a smirk. It was a small movement, parang ayaw ipakita sa iba kundi sa akin lang. When he saw that I noticed his smirk, he looked back at Tito Charles again.

What was that?

“Yeah… I had fun,” he said.

Mukhang natuwa sina Tita Tessa at Tito Charles sa sinabi n’ya.

“So, there might be a big chance that you’ll visit us again?” Tito Charles asked.

Napatigil na talaga sa pagkilos si Yakov. He looked worried about what his brother might answer. Nahalata ko iyon sa mga mata n’ya habang nakatingin lang s’ya sa pagkain at hindi kumikilos.

But Serj just let out a chuckle before he shrugged his shoulders. Iyon lang ang naging sagot n’ya.

“That’s okay, that’s okay,” sabi  ni Tito Charles na nahalata ang pagiging malungkot ng mag-ina. “Then, we should all take a rest now. Mahirap bumyahe nang puyat.”

Tinapos na rin namin ang pagkain. Umakyat kaagad ako sa kwarto para makaligo na dahil nanlalagkit na ako at nagsisimula nang mangati ang katawan ko. I put on my pajamas, now ready to sleep. Paglabas ko ng banyo ay nakita ko si Yakov na nakahiga na sa kama.

Tulog na ba s’ya?

I walked towards the bed to check on him. He was still awake and was just staring at the ceiling.

“Maligo ka na, Yakov, para makapagpahinga ka na,” I said as I towel dry my hair.

Pero hindi man lang gumalaw si Yakov at nanatili ang titig sa kisame. I frowned. Iisipin ko na sanang nakatulog s’ya nang nakadilat ang mga mata pero nakita ko s’yang kumurap. Hinayaan ko na lang.

Gising naman s’ya at alam kong narinig n’ya naman ang sinabi ko. Bahala na s’ya kung maliligo s’ya bago matulog o hindi na.

I took out my hair dryer and started to blow dry my hair. Parang biglang nagising si Yakov dahil sa tunog at napatayo. Sinundan ko s’ya ng tingin. He took out fresh clothes from his traveling bag. Dumeretso s’ya sa banyo pagkatapos. Maliligo na yata.

Napatingin ako sa traveling bag n’yang nagulo na naman. I groaned. Aalis na kami bukas at dapat sana nakaayos na ang mga gamit n’ya para hindi kami mahuli. Pero mukhang walang pakealam si Yakov. Alam sigurong aayusin ko rin naman ang mga gamit n’ya.

I sighed. Inayos ko na muna ang bag n’ya bago ipinagpatuloy ang pagpapatuyo sa buhok ko. Halos sabay lang kaming natapos ni Yakov sa ginagawa namin. He decided to just towel dry his hair kaya itinago ko na ang hair dryer ko.

Inayos ko na rin muna ang mga gamit ko para sa pag-alis namin bukas. Si Yakov ay nahiga na sa kama. Nang matapos ako sa pag-aayos ay nakita kong gising pa rin s’ya. Katulad kanina, nakahiga s’ya pero nakatitig lang sa kisame.

“Okay ka lang ba, Yakov?” hindi ko na napigilang tanong. Minsan ko lang s’yang makitang nagkakaganito. Kapag may pinoproblem s’ya. Umupo lang muna ako sa kama sa tabi n’ya.

“Galit sa akin si kuya,” he said.

Napahugot ako nang malim na paghinga. Iyon pa rin pala ang inaalala n’ya.

“Baka naman hindi na,” pag-aalo ko sa kanya.

He shook his head.

“Narinig mo naman kanina, ’di ba? Galit ’yung boses n’ya.”

Wala akong nasabi roon. I couldn’t even deny it just so he would feel better.

Serj was a serious man. Halata naman. And for a serious man to get mad, it was frightening. Kahit hindi para sa akin nakadirekta ang galit n’ya kanina ay halos manginig na ang mga tuhod ko sa takot. I don’t want someone like him to get mad at me. Nakakatakot.

Kaya naman naiintindihan ko kung bakit nagkakaganito si Yakov ngayon. Plus, it was his brother.

“Galit s’ya… Hindi na n’ya ako kinausap pagkatapos no’n,” he said.

I took a deep breath. I tried to think of something to cheer him up.

“You know your brother… Parang s’ya ’yung klase ng taong kailangan ay ikaw muna ang unang kakausap sa kanya bago ka n’ya kakausapin.”

“Baka kasi hindi n’ya ako pansinin.” Halata ang pag-aalangan sa boses n’ya.

“Hindi mo pa naman kasi sinusubukan. Malay mo, humupa na pala ’yung galit n’ya. Go try to talk to him,” I tried comforting him. He looked so down. This trip was for him and his brother to enjoy pero malungkot s’ya ngayon.

“Nakakainis lang kasi… For the whole weekend, I tried to make my brother enjoy the trip. Gusto ko kasing maulit ’yung pagbisita n’ya. Pero kung kailan last day na, saka pa ako pumalpak.”

He sighed. Itinakip n’ya ang isang braso sa mga mata n’ya.

“I want kuya to experience having a mom and a brother. Kasi kapag naiisip kong hindi ko kasama si mommy sa paglaki ko, pakiramdam ko hindi ko kaya. Kuya must’ve felt sad growing up without a mother.”

Napabuntong-hinga ako. I caressed his arm, soothing him. Hindi ko alam na may mga ganito rin pala s’yang iniisip. I didn’t know that he was doing this to be considerate of his brother too. Ang akala ko ay dahil sabik lang s’yang makasama ang kapatid n’ya.

“Gusto ko sanang bumawi kay kuya. Alam mo, ang bait nga n’ya, eh. Pinagbigyan n’ya kami. Kahit na… iniwan s’ya ni mommy.”

“Yakov…”

“Kung ako siguro si kuya, baka hindi ko na gustuhing makita si mommy. Iniwan n’ya naman ako, eh. Baka magalit rin ako sa bago n’yang pamilya.”

“He is not like that so stop those thoughts,” I said. “Subukan mong kausapin s’ya, Yakov… Sabi mo nga, mabait s’ya. ’Wag mong hayaang bumalik s’ya sa Russia nang hindi kayo nagkakasundo.”

Yakov took a deep breath. Inalis n’ya ang braso n’yang nakatakip sa mga mata n’ya. Ang akala ko ay babangon na s’ya para kausapin na ang kapatid pero tumagilid s’ya ng pagkakahiga. Nakatalikod na s’ya sa gawi ko ngayon.

“Bukas na lang. Inaantok na rin ako,” he said.

Napatitig na lang ako sa likod n’ya. Anong bukas na lang? Eh, maaga nga raw kaming aalis pabalik sa Manila. Magkakaroon pa kaya sila ng time para makapag-usap kung busy kami sa pag-aayos?

I sighed. Okay… Siguro ayos na rin ’to. They’re both tired. Baka hindi rin sila makapag-usap nang maayos dahil nga parehong pagod. At least bukas, their minds are clear dahil nakapagpahinga na.

Ilang sandali pa akong nanatiling nakaupo ko bago ako nakapagdesisyong tumayo na lang. Hindi pa ako inaantok. Nawala rin ang nararamdaman kong pagod nang makaligo ako. Naisipan ko na lang na lumabas ng kwarto at magpahangin na lang muna sa veranda.

Habang naglalakad ako papunta sa veranda ay nakarinig ako ng boses. I frowned. Binilisan ko ang paglalakad at nang makarating doon ay natigilan dahil may nauna na pala sa akin doon.

I saw Serj leaning on the railings, sideways. I couldn’t move. I just stared at the scene in front of me.

He was talking with someone on the phone. Nakatukod pa ang isang siko n’ya sa railings habang ang isa ay may hawak na phone na nakatapat sa tenga n’ya. The moon and the sea were behind him. The sky was full of stars. It feels like I was looking at some painting. The veranda served as the frame.

Huh… It was like a real-life painting. The wind was blowing against the white curtain that was on either side of the veranda, adding effects to the scene that I was looking at.

Serj was saying something in Russian. Hindi na talaga ako nakagalaw at pinakinggan na lang s’ya sa pakikipag-usap sa kung sino mang katawagan n’ya. I love how he sounds speaking in Russian. I mean, he already sounded sexy when he was talking in English but hearing him now, I couldn’t help but get drawn to him. I think I could listen to him speak in Russian all day.

Naramdaman n’ya sigurong may nakatingin sa kanya kaya napalingon s’ya sa akin. Our eyes met. Muntik pa nga akong mapapitlag sa gulat dahil hindi ko inaasahan ang biglang paglingon n’ya.

Kinausap n’ya ulit ang kausap n’ya sa phone pero hindi na n’ya inalis ang tingin sa akin. And after a while, I saw him end the call.

“Hey…” bati n’yang ibinabalik ang phone sa bulsa ng shorts n’ya.

Alanganin akong napangiti at lumapit.

“Did I disturb you?” Napakapit ako sa railings habang nakatingin sa kanya. I don’t know. I feel like I need something to hold on to whenever I’m talking to him.

He shook his head.

“No. I was about to end the call anyway.”

Napatango ako.

“Is that about your work that you’ve mentioned na kailangan mong balikan agad sa Russia?”

He stared at me for a while. Maya-maya ay napatango.

“Yeah…”

“Hmm… I guess you really need to go back quick, huh?” I said. “I wish you could stay longer though.”

Nakita kong natigilan s’ya. Hindi n’ya yata inaasahan ang sinabi ko. Ilang sandali pa nga s’yang nakatitig lang sa akin. It was like he was trying to figure out if I just really said that or not.

“Really?” he said after a while.

I smiled at him before I nodded.

“Siargao has many islands. Sayang kasi na hindi natin napuntahan lahat,” I said. Napakunot ang noo ko. “Bakit nga pala gising ka pa? We had almost a whole day tour. Aren’t you tired from the trip?”

“I told you, I’m—”

“Used to it. Yeah, yeah…” putol ko sa sasabihin n’ya. “Kaya mo nga palang hindi matulog for five days straight.

Napangiwi agad ako nang ma-realize ang ginawa ko. Pinutol ko lang naman s’ya sa pagsasalita! I got worried that I might’ve offended him!

But as I looked at him, I saw him pursing his lips. I could tell that he was fighting a smile. Nakahinga tuloy ako nang maluwag. I couldn’t help but smile at him.

I don’t know… I just… feel like smiling whenever I’m talking with him. Hindi ko napipigilan ang ngiti ko. My heart felt at ease. I am having fun talking to him.

Huh… Good thing that he doesn’t find me rude. Hindi nga yata talaga ako pwedeng magpunta sa Russia. Baka bigla na lang akong hulihin ng pulis. O hindi kaya ay bigla akong may makaaway dahil lang sa pagngiti ko.

“What about you?” he asked. “I bet you’re tired. Bakit gising ka pa?”

Napangiti na naman ako. This time, dahil sa pagtatagalog n’ya.

“Nagpapahangin lang. And… gusto kong sulitin ang huling gabi ko rito sa Siargao.”

I looked at the scenery in front of us. How long will I be able to see something like this again? A place that seemed like it came out from a magical book? How long will I be able to have fun again?

I actually never thought that I would enjoy my stay here. Ang akala ko ay magiging awkward pa nga dahil sa presensya ni Serj. I mean, malakas talaga kasi ang dating n’ya, ang presensya n’ya. Mahirap balewalain.

I always feel nervous around him. But the more I get to spend time with him, the more I realize that there were times when I find his presence comforting as well.

Just like that time in the cave. If he wasn’t there with me, siguro, nag-freak out na talaga ako.

Not only his presence but… His words comforted me too.

Nilingon ko s’ya.

“Serj… I haven’t thanked you yet for what happened back in the cave.” I gave him a smile when he looked at me. “Thank you.”

“No need,” he said. His voice was quiet.

“I mean, ilang beses mo kasi akong niligtas—” Napasinghap ako nang mapatingin sa braso n’ya. “Oh, no… Nagpasa na nga s’ya.”

I knew it! Ang lakas kasi talaga ng pagkakatama ng braso n’ya sa bato kanina! Naramdaman ko iyon sa likod ko pero hindi ako nasaktan dahil sinalo ng braso n’ya ang lahat ng pwersa.

Bahagya n’yang itinaas ang braso n’ya para tignan iyon. My heart hammered when I saw that it was a big bruise! Lumapit ako sa kanya at hinawakan ang braso n’ya para mas makita ang pasa.

“Nagpasa na s’ya,” naiiyak ko nang sabi.

Oh, no… That looked hurt. Halos buong braso n’ya ay nagsisimula nang magpasa. It was beginning to turn red now.

“I’m fine,” he said.

Nainis na ako.

“Ang laki kaya ng pasa! You’re not—”

Hindi ko na naituloy ang sasabihin ko nang mapatingala sa kanya. I found him staring down at me. He looked so beautiful as the moonlight cast a shadow on the half side of his face. He looked mysterious. Something that I want to figure out.

“I’m okay…” he said. “If you’re okay.”

Mabilis kong nabitiwan ang braso n’ya at humakbang palayo sa kanya. I looked away from him.

“A-ayos lang ako. Thanks to you.”

I cleared my throat. Shit. I just stammered.

I waited for him to say something pero hindi s’ya nagsalita. But I could feel those stares from him. Hindi ko magawang salubungin ang mga titig n’ya dahil may pakiramdam akong hindi ko makakayanan ang bigat noon. So, I just chose to stare at the dark sea.

Napatikhim ulit ako.

“Oo nga pala. Yakov felt bad for what happened back in the cave. He thinks that you’re still mad at him.”

“I didn’t get mad at him.”

Napalingon tuloy ako sa kanya nang nakakunot ang noo. Hindi kasi ako naniniwala sa sinabi n’ya.

“You sounded like you did though,” I said.

“I just got… irritated.”

Napalabi ako.

“Grabe… Irritated ka pa lang pala ng lagay na ’yon? Paano pa kaya kung galit ka na talaga?”

He looked at me without any expression on his face. I was trying to lighten up the mood but… I guess I failed.

I mean, alam ko naman kasi kung bakit s’ya nainis. I sometimes got annoyed too sa ugaling ’yon ni Yakov. Ilang beses ko nang sinabi sa sarili ko na sanay na naman ako at hindi ko na kailangang mainis. Pero may mga pagkakataong nakakapuno na rin talaga s’ya.

“Yakov is a spoiled child,” I said. “Kaya mabagal ang development ng maturity n’ya. Hanggang ngayon kasi, dumedepende pa rin s’ya sa mga taong nasa paligid n’ya. That’s why until now, he still lacks responsibility.”

“You should’ve tried to talk to him out of it,” may inis sa tonong sabi n’ya.

Pagod ko s’yang nginitian.

“Serj, you don’t know how many times I tried that. Nagpapatulong pa nga ako kay Tita Tessa. But still…” I shrugged. “Anyway, I know that there will come a time where he will finally grow up though.”

“Fuck that,” he cursed. Mukhang hindi nagustuhan ang sinabi ko. “So, everyone should adjust for him?”

Napangiwi tuloy ako. Ayoko ngang nagagalit ang isang ’to. O kahit mainis lang talaga s’ya.

“I’m just saying… If ever he’ll try to talk with you tomorrow, sana, kausapin mo s’ya.”

Napasimangot s’ya. I blinked. Ano na namang kinaiinisan n’ya?

“I’m not a kid who would ignore him just because he got me irritated,” inis n’yang sabi.

Natawa ako.

“I know… I know that you’re a mature man.”

Inis s’yang napatingin sa akin. Pinigilan ko ang mapangiti pero hindi ko rin nakayanan at kinagat na lang ang ibabang labi ko. 

He tsked. Tumingin s’ya sa dagat. I looked at the sea as well with a smile on my lips, feeling the breeze on my skin… Listening to the waves. Pinagsawa ko ang mga mata ko sa ganda ng senaryong nasa harap ko.

“I’ll miss this,” I said.

Ramdam ko ang paglingon ni Serj sa akin. I looked at him and smiled.

“I hope that we can come here again.”

He stared at me for a while. Tumitig ako pabalik sa kanya. His blue eyes glistened in the moonlight. Just like how the blue water from Sugba Lagoon glistened against the sunlight. His eyes were that beautiful.

“Yeah…”

Mas napangiti ako sa sinabi n’ya. Naramdaman kong mapapahikab ako at hindi ko na rin naman napigilan. I yawned and tried to cover my mouth as I did so. Kinusot ko ang mga mata ko bago tumingin ulit kay Serj.

“Looks like it’s time for me to sleep. Matulog ka na rin.”

He let out a soft chuckle.

“I’ll stay here for a while.”

Tumango na lang ako at hindi na s’ya kinontra.

“Good night, Serj,” sabi ko at nagsimula nang maglakad.

He said something in Russian. Napatigil ako at napatingin sa kanya. I gave him a confused look, telling him that I didn’t understand what he said.

But the corner of his lips just rose for a slight smirk. Umiling s’ya habang nakangisi.

“Sweet dreams,” he said.

Chapter 10

My two-day unexpected fun trip has come to an end. Mabilis ang naging mga pangyayari nang umagang umalis kami sa Siargao that it became blurry in my mind. Hindi ko nga rin alam kung nakapag-usap pa ba sina Yakov at Serj. I didn’t even get to say goodbye to Serj.

Nakaramdam ako ng panghihinayang dahil doon. He was so good to me during the tour. Sinasabi ko na nga lang sa sarili kong nakapag-usap naman kami noong huling gabi namin sa Siargao. Sa ganoong paraan ay may pampalubag-loob man lang ako.

But still… Iba pa rin sana kung nakapagpaalam talaga ako sa kanya.

Before we went to Siargao, or even after our first half-day in the place, I was always anticipating that the two-day trip would quickly end. I was scared of whatever Serj was making me feel. I was intimidated by his presence. I was always nervous around him that I thought the tour would be torture for me as I would never feel comfortable with him around.

But now… I guess… Nanghihinayang din akong kailangan n’yang bumalik agad sa Russia.

Kung kailan namang komportable na ako sa kanya…

Yakov was right with what he said before. Tama s’ya noong sinabi n’yang magbabago nga ang tingin ko sa kapatid n’ya.

Huh… Come to think of it. Did Serj even remember what he told me when we first met? Ang dahilan kung bakit inis ako sa kanya bago kami muling nagkita?

I don’t think so. That was… so long ago. Ako nga ay nakalimutan na rin ang tungkol doon.

Two days after the Siargao trip, ako na ang nagbantay sa shop. It was Andrea’s rest day kaya sinamahan ko si Millie sa pagbabantay. She was out for her lunch break kaya mag-isa lang din ako sa shop ngayon.

Tumunog ang wind chime na nakasabit sa may pinto ng shop nang may magbukas noon. Inihanda ko agad ang ngiti ko.

“Wel—” Napatigil ako nang makita kung sino ang pumasok. “Mom…”

She had a sour look on her face as she looked around the shop. Hindi na rin naman bago sa akin ’yon. Ganoon naman palagi ang ekspresyon sa mukha n’ya kapag bumibisita s’ya sa shop.

“Ano ba naman ’tong shop mo, Natalia? Mukhang luma! Paaano ka makaka-attarct ng mga customer nito?” she said as she approached me on the counter. Inilapag n’ya pa ang mamahalin n’yang bag sa mismong harap ko.

I sighed.

“It’s a style, mom. Palagi n’yo na lang bang pupunahin ang interior ng shop sa tuwing pupunta kayo rito? I hired an interior designer for this.”

I think my mom was just not into earth colors. I used a vinyl tile for the floor. The curtains on the glass wall were brown and draped from the ceiling down to the floor. The backdrop for my shop’s display window where I placed the mannequins to showcase my designs was white but I used brown for the borders. Ganoon din sa counter ng shop ko.

“Well, that designer must’ve been a scammer. Ang panget ng ginawa sa shop mo! You should change the interior.”

Kinailangan kong huminga nang malalim para maalis ang sakit sa dibdib ko. Sinubukan ko ring pakalmahin ang sarili ko para hindi ako makaramdam ng galit para kay Mommy.

“Why are you here, mom?” napapagod kong tanong.

Okay naman ako kanina pero bigla yata akong nakaramdam ng pagod nang dumating si mommy. Sinubukan ko na lang mag-ayos-ayos ng mga damit para maaliw ko man lang ang sarili ko.

“You never filled me in with what happened on the tour!” sabi ni mommy nang lapitan ko ang isang display rack.

“Hindi pa ba kayo nakakapag-usap ni Tita Tessa?” I asked.

Sinundan ako ni mommy at tumabi pa sa akin.

“No. Baka kung ano pang sabihin n’ya kapag sa kanya ako nagtanong. So? What happened?”

Mom looked like she was expecting something. Alam ko naman kung ano ’yon pero hindi ko na lang binigyang pansin.

 “Nothing. We just had a tour in Siargao. Iyon lang.”

“Yakov didn’t propose to you?” She sounded disappointed.

I exhaled harshly. Nilingon ko s’ya.

“Mom, I already told you that the trip was for Yakov and his brother to bond. And I told you that Yakov and I will settle once we’re both stable and ready. I don’t think Yakov will be ready any time soon. And I’m not ready as well.”

“What do you mean you’re not ready yet?” She looked like I had just made the biggest mistake in my life. Sa lahat ng sinabi ko ay iyon lang talaga ang narinig n’ya? “So, tatanggihan mo si Yakov if he’ll ever propose to you dahil hindi ka pa ready? Hindi pwede ’yan, Natalia! You should be ready to be his wife by now!”

Pagod akong napabuntong-hininga.

“Mom, hindi pa nga nagpo-propose si Yakov.”

“Ah! This won’t do. Invite Yakov to have dinner with us. Sasabihan ko rin ang dad mo.”

“Mom! Don’t tell me na pipilitin mong mag-propose sa akin si Yakov?”

“Of course not! I just want to have dinner with that boy. Ang tagal ko na ring hindi nakakausap ang batang ’yon.”

Nagdududa ko s’yang tinignan. Knowing my mother, I know she’s up to something. It was just so suspicious that she suddenly wanted to have dinner with Yakov after n’yang malaman na hindi s’ya nag-propose sa akin.

I took a deep breath. I need to calm down.

“Alright… I’ll tell him,” I said.

“Call him now,” she insisted.

“What?”

“Tawagan mo na ngayon.”

Wala akong nagawa kundi sundin ang sinabi ni mommy. Alam ko kasing hindi s’ya titigil hangga’t hindi ko s’ya sinusunod.

I called Yakov. I must’ve been a bad daughter as I wish that Yakov would never answer as his phone rings. Mukha namang natupad ang hiling ko.

“He’s not answering,” I said.

“Well, call him again,” she said like it was the most reasonable thing to do.

Hindi na rin ako kumontra at muling tinawagan si Yakov. He didn’t answer this time as well.

“Baka busy s’ya,” I said.

She considered that.

“Hmm… Alright. Just text him. ’Wag na ’wag mong kalilimutang imbitahin s’ya, Natalia.”

“Okay, Mom.”

“I have to go now.”

I frowned.

“Agad?”

“Yeah. I need to get my hair done. Hindi pwedeng makita nilang hindi nakaayos ang buhok ng wife ng isang senator.”

Gusto ko sanang sabihin na maayos na naman ang buhok n’ya. There’s no need to get her hair done. But I chose to keep my mouth shut. My mom had this behavior where she likes to exaggerate things.

“I am expecting Yakov’s answer, Natalia. Just tell me the date agad so I can prepare early,” sabi n’yang kinukuha ang bag n’yang nakapatong sa counter.

“Okay, mom. Take care.”

Nang makaalis si mommy, pakiramdam ko ay naubos ang lahat ng lakas ko. Bumalik ako sa counter. Umupo ulit ako at sumubsob doon. Maya-maya ay naisipan ko na ring i-text si Yakov tungkol sa invitation ni mommy. I chatted him too. Baka kasi makalimutan ko pa. Mom might get mad at me.

I waited for Yakov’s reply but I didn’t get any. Kahit seen sa chat ko ay wala. I take it that he’s really busy.

What is he doing anyway?

Nawala na rin naman sa isip ko si Yakov nang may pumasok ng customer. Hanggang sa matapos na rin ang operating hours ng shop. Sa labas na ako nagdesisyong kumain ng dinner dahil tinatamad na akong magluto pa. Naubos nga yata ang lahat ng lakas ko kanina sa pakikipag-usap kay Mommy.

I got home and did my night routine. Nang ready na akong matulog ay saka ko lang naalalang i-check ulit ang phone ko para sa reply ni Yakov.

He hasn’t replied to anything yet. There were no messages from him. Kahit seen sa chat ay wala. Tatawagan ko na sana pero alam kong sasagutin naman ni Yakov ang mga text ko kapag nabasa n’ya iyon lalo pa at sinabi kong si mom na ang nag-i-invite sa kanya. Hindi n’ya babalewain iyon.

Busy nga talaga siguro s’ya.

I shrugged. Humiga na ako at napatitig lang sa kisame. Maya-maya ay pumikit na rin ako. I imagined that I could still hear the waves from the sea.

Huh… It would be nice to go back to Siargao again. I missed the place already.

And… what else?

Hindi ko namalayang nakatulog na agad ako. Sa paggising ko ay ch-in-eck ko ulit ang phone ko at nakitang may reply na rin sa wakas si Yakov.

Yakov:

Got it. Titignan ko pa kung kailan ako pwede.

I screencap his reply and sent it to my mom. Ayoko munang tawagan si mommy. Feeling ko kasi ay mapapagod na naman ako.

As days passed, I’ve totally forgotten about the dinner. I was waiting for Yakov’s update anyway kung kailan nga s’ya pwede. It was a good thing na hindi rin ako kinukulit ni mommy. I bet she’s thinking na kapag kinulit n’ya ako ay ime-message ko rin si Yakov. So, in the end, para n’ya na ring kinulit si Yakov.

I just decided to buy groceries for that day. Hindi na muna ako pupunta ng shop. Ubos na kasi pala ang stocks ko para sa pagkain at sa necessities. So, I drove to the grocery store that was on the mall. Mas kumpleto kasi roon kaysa sa store na nandito sa subdivision.

Halos dalawang oras rin ang itinagal ko sa paggo-grocery dahil binili ko na lahat ng kailangan ko. Ayoko na rin kasing magpabalik-balik kapag nagkulang ako. Umuwi na rin naman ako pagkatapos.

I drove home. Sa daan ay iniisip ko pa kung may nakalimutan akong bilhin. Nang maisip na wala na naman ay binilisan ko na ang pagmamaneho.

I stopped at the red light. I was tapping my fingers on the wheel, sinasabayan ang beat ng kantang tumutugtog sa stereo, as I waited for the signal lights to turn green when my eyes spotted a familiar car that was parked in the parking lot in front of a restaurant just across the road.

That was Yakov’s car. I’m sure of it.

Napatitig ako roon. Why is his car here?

Bumukas ang pinto ng restaurant and two people stepped out. One was Yakov and he was with a girl. They approached his car. Pinagbuksan pa ni Yakov ang babae and they both laughed at something that he said. Nang makasakay ang babae ay umikot na si Yakov sa driver’s side at sumakay na. He drove the car away.

Hindi agad ako nakagalaw. Nanatili lang ang titig ko sa restaurant. That was… Yakov with some girl.

Napapitlag ako nang businahan na ako ng mga kotseng nasa likuran. The lights have already turned green! Nataranta pa ako at hindi malaman agad ang gagawin. Nag-iingay ang kalsada dahil sa akin. I groaned. I finally managed to drive the car and go with the flow.

Gusto ko sanang sundan ang kotse ni Yakov pero sa opposite way s’ya nag-drive at malayo pa naman ang U-turn slot. Kapag nag-U-turn pa ako, I doubt na maaabutan ko pa ang kotse n’ya.

But… who’s the girl he was with?

Medyo may kalayuan ko silang nakita kung nasaan ako. But I’ve been with Yakov since we were kids. Kabisadong-kabisado ko na ang physique n’ya at kilala ko ang mga galaw n’ya. I’m sure that it was him! The girl was also familiar to me but I’m not sure dahil medyo malayo ko nga sila nakita.

I just continued driving home na ang isip ko ay punong-puno sa nakita ko kaninaa.

Yakov said that he was busy. Kaya nga hindi pa s’ya nagko-confirm ng date sa dinner. It’s been what? Six days? Six days na akong naghihintay sa update n’ya kung kailan s’ya pwede.

He had been answering my texts naman pero sa pagsagot ng call ay naging madalang na. So, I thought that he was really busy. Kaya nga hindi ko na rin muna bini-bring up ang tungkol sa dinner. And the last time we’ve even seen each other was the day when he brought me home from Siargao.

Inilagay ko na lang muna sa countertop ang mga pinamili ko at hindi na muna inayos iyon. Naisip kong tawagan sana si Yakov but then I remembered that he was driving so I just sent him a text, reminding him about the dinner. It took him ten minutes to reply.

Yakov:

I’ll be free this weekend. Pakisabi kay tita sorry sa late confirmation. Busy lang talaga.

I was about to reply to ask him who the girl he was with today but I decided to delete the text halfway through typing it. It’s okay. I’ll just ask him in person.

I told my mom about Yakov’s reply and she seemed happy. May palagay akong mga paborito ni Yakov ang ihahanda n’ya. For sure, nandoon din ang sweet and chili crab na talagang favorite ni Yakov. His most favorite food actually.

Naalala ko tuloy si Serj. If he’s with us at this dinner, hindi na naman s’ya makakakain dahil sa allergy n’ya.

Huh? Bakit bigla ko na lang naisip si Serj?

No, it wasn’t only today. Whenever shellfish came up, naaalala ko s’ya. Siguro ay dahil s’ya lang din ang talagang kilala kong may shellfish allergy.

Natawa na lang ako.

So, what now? Palagi ko na lang ba s’yang maaalala kapag mababanggit ang shellfish?

Huh… How is he anyway? Did he really enjoy the tour? Is there a chance that he will come to visit again?

I hope so…

Sinundo ako ni Yakov para sabay na kaming pumunta sa bahay ng parents ko. I smiled when I saw that he was dressed in a smart casual style for this dinner. He was wearing a white window pane checked shirt and blue cotton pants. He looked refreshing to look at.

“Hindi ako late,” sabi n’ya nang pagbuksan ako ng pinto ng kotse.

Natawa ako.

“Sana palagi kang ganyan.”

Yakov chuckled. Sumakay na ako sa loob at umikot s’ya para makasakay na rin sa driver seat. I frowned when I finally got to sit properly.

I adjusted my seat. Medyo nag-forward kasi nang kaunti.

Bigla ko tuloy naalala ’yung babaeng nakita kong kasama ni Yakov nu’ng nakaraan. Was she the one who adjusted the seat? Ibig sabihin, madalas s’yang sumasakay dito?

I looked at Yakov who was driving and decided to ask him.

“Yakov, nu’ng nakaraan pala, I saw you  with a girl coming out from a restaurant.”

I saw him blinking. Mabilis din ang ginawa n’yang pagsulyap sa akin.

“Saan?” tanong n’yang ibinabalik ang tingin sa kalsada.

“Sa Molito.”

“Kailan ’yan?”

“Nu’ng Wednesday. Nu’ng araw na nag-confirm ka rin ng date for this dinner,” I elaborated. “Pamilyar ’yung babae but I’m not sure since medyo malayo ko rin naman kayong nakita.”

Hindi agad sumagot si Yakov. Magkasalubong ang mga kilay n’ya. Mukhang inaalala ang sinabi ko.

I tried observing him kung may kakaiba rin ba sa kinikilos n’ya. Or… if he looked guilty.

Guilty of what? I might just be overthinking things anyway.

But still, I think I have the right to ask him these questions.

“I can’t remember,” sabi ni Yakov na halos mag-isang linya na ang mga kilay dahil pilit tinatandaan ang binanggit ko. “Though, I always set up my meetings sa Molito. He glanced at me. “Nag-grocery ka?”

I nodded. Well… If he’s really doing somthing, hindi naman siguro sa lugar kung saan alam n’yang sa malapit na mall ako naggo-grocery.

“Yeah…” Ibinalik ko rin ang topic. “So, the reason why you were busy these past few days was that you were having meetings?”

“Yep. Mom is thinking of handing over the company to me.”

“Wait… Are you okay with that?”

They have a family business of courier company. Alam kong kay Yakov mapupunta iyon pero hindi pa naman officialy hina-hand over sa kanya. Yakov still wanted to explore.

“I think?” he said. “I don’t know… Pinapakiramdaman ko pa rin ang sarili ko.”

Napatango ako.

“Okay… But next time na may isakay ka ritong ka-meeting mo, tell them to adjust the seat back.”

Mabilis na napalingon sa akin si yakov.

“She adjusted the seat?”

“Yeah… Which is odd nga since kung ka-meeting mo lang naman s’ya, hindi naman madalas na sasakay s’ya rito sa kotse mo. So, there’s actually no reason for her to adjust the seat totally.”

“Alright, alright. I’ll tell anyone who will ride in my car not to do anything with the seat. Happy?” may inis sa tonong sabi n’ya.

Hindi na lang ako nagsalita. Siguro nga nag-o-overthink lang ako. But… I feel like he was hiding something.

We finally arrived at my parents’ house. I always feel nostalgic whenever I’m here. I remember my childhood. Ako noon na walang ginawa kundi ang mag-aral nang mabuti.

“Yakov, hijo!” Mom was too happy to see him. S’ya agad ang unang binati nang makita kami.

“Good evening po, tita,” magalang na bati ni Yakov na ikinatawa naman ni mommy.

“Ah! Na-miss ko talaga ang batang ’to.” Ikinawit pa ni mommy ang kamay n’ya sa braso ni Yakov. “Let’s get inside. Wala pa ang Tito Joaquin mo pero pauwi na raw s’ya,” sabi n’yang si daddy ang tinutukoy.

Hinila na ni mommy papasok ng bahay si Yakov. Sumunod na lang ako sa kanila. Hindi ko na rin masyadong pinagtuunan ng pansin ang hindi pagbati sa akin ni mommy. She must’ve really missed Yakov.

Sabagay… Matagal na rin namang hindi nakita ni mommy si Yakov. Samantalang ako, pwede n’yang makita kahit kailan n’ya gustuhin. Nagugulat na nga lang ako minsan na bigla na lang s’yang sumusulpot sa harapan ko.

“Mga paborito mo ang pinaluto ko,” sabi ni mommy kay Yakov nang makarating kami sa dining area.

Yakov chuckled.

“Naku, tita. Hindi na sana kayo nag-abala.”

Mom laughed. Mahina n’yang hinampas ang braso ni Yakov.

“Ano ka ba namang bata ka! Sa akin ka pa talaga nahiya? Para na nga kitang anak. Ang kulang na lang talaga ay ang maikasal kayo ni Natalia.”

Pinigilan ko ang mapatingala at mapadaing. I just groaned inwardly.

Ngayon pa lang, nahihiya na ako kay Yakov. Now, I know the real reason why mom invited him for dinner!

Yakov let out a nervous chuckle. Hindi ko alam kung nahalata ni mommy iyon pero ako ay oo. Napatingin pa nga sa akin si Yakov. Mukhang nanghihingi ng tulong.

I let out an awkward laugh.

“Mom, nasaan na raw si dad?” pagsubok kong ibahin ang topic.

“Oh! Malapit na ‘yon.’

“I’m sure that dad won’t want us to wait for him since nandito rin si Yakov. He would want us to eat first.”

Mom clapped her hands once. Mukhang nakahinga nang maluwag si Yakov sa pagbitiw ni mommy sa kanya.

“Oh, right! Baka gutom na rin si Yakov,” she said and started fixing a table.

I let out a sigh of relief. Napatingin ako kay Yakov. I saw him mouth a silent thank you at me. Tinanguan ko na lang s’ya, letting him know that I acknowledged his gratefulness.

I didn’t know if I should feel offended dahil mukhang ayaw pakasal sa akin ni Yakov. But…

I feel the same anyway.

Chapter 11

Ipinahanda na rin ni Mommy ang mga pagkain sa lamesa. Magkatabi kami sa upuan ni Yakov. Si Mommy ay nasa tapat ko. Bakante naman ang upuan na nasa pinakapuno ng lamesa na para kay daddy.

Grabe ang naging pag-aasikaso ni Mommy kay Yakov. S’ya na nga rin ang naglagay ng mga pagkain sa plato n’ya. Natatawa na nga lang si Yakov na alam kong kung hindi lang s’ya sanay na ganoon na si Mommy, may palagay akong maiinis s’ya kapag ibang tao ang gumawa noon sa kanya.

Mom really tended to exaggerate things.

“Kain lang nang kain, hijo, ha? Ngayon lang ulit kita nakasalo sa hapunan,” sabi pa ni Mommy nang magsimula na kaming  kumain.

Yakov chuckled.

“Sige ho, tita. Kayo rin po. Mas masarap kumain kapag ’yung mga kasabay mo, magana ring kumain.”

Mom laughed at that. Napatingin sa akin si Yakov. He was smiling so I smiled back at him.

Ito rin ang isa sa mga nagustuhan kong ugali ni Yakov. He can make people to easily like him. I think he’s natural. Plus, he’s always smiling whenever anyone’s talking with him. Kaya naman kahit si Mommy, aliw na aliw kay Yakov.

“Am I late?” bungad ni daddy nang makarating na rin s’ya. Nakatayo s’ya sa bungad ng dining room. He had a bottle of wine on his hand na iniabot n’ya rin naman sa lumapit na katulong.

“Joaquin!”

Nilapitan ni daddy si mommy. He kissed her on the cheeks. Bahagya rin akong tumayo sa upuan para hagkan s’ya sa pisngi. Si Yakov ay napatayo na talaga para batiin si daddy.

“Good evening ho, Senator,” bati ni Yakov na talagang naglahad pa ng kamay.

My dad frowned with his gesture but his lips curled up in a confused smile.

“Napakapormal naman yata ngayon ng batang ’to!” natatawang sabi ni dad na nilapitan si Yakov at tinapik pa sa likod. “Just address me as ‘Tito’ like you used to.”

“Tito naman… Baka sabihin nilang may paborito kayo n’yan,” si Yakov na nakikipagbiruan na kay dad.

“At bakit? Hindi ba? Para na kitang anak!” Dad said with a chuckle.

“I know!” Mom chimed in. “Kaya nga ang sabi ko ay kulang na lang, magpakasal na sila ni Natalia para maging legal na natin s’yang anak.”

Nakita kong nabawasan ang ngiti ni Yakov dahil sa sinabing iyon ni mommy. Ako naman ay napabuntong-hininga. I was sure na ipipilit n’ya ang topic na ’yon ngayong gabi kapag may nakikita s’yang pagkakataon.

I knew it. Noong pinaimbita n’ya sa akin si Yakov, I already have a bad feeling why she wanted this dinner.

Napansin ni daddy ang pagbabago sa expression ng mukha ni Yakov. He tapped him on the back and looked at mom.

“Son-in-law,” dad corrected her. He took his seat kaya napaupo na rin ulit si Yakov. “We don’t have to hurry. Darating naman ang panahon na ’yan kapag handa na ang mga bata.”

Nagkatinginan kami ni Yakov. We probably had the same expression on our faces. We both feel grateful for my father.

Huh… I suddenly had a feeling that I might be able to survive this dinner knowing that dad thinks like that. I just wasn’t expecting it. Ang akala ko ay lagi na lang hahayaan ni dad si mommy sa mga gusto n’ya. He’s like that. He never says anything and just lets her be. Kaya naman nagulat talaga ako ngayon. Hindi ko akalain na darating ang panahong pakiramdam ko ay kakampi ko si daddy.

“But I’m excited!” Mom looked like she was already sulking. “Isn’t Yakov amazing? He’ll be a great son-in-law!”

“I know… But there’s a right time for everything,” dad said. “And I think now is the right time for us to eat.”

I almost thanked dad dahil tumigil na rin naman si mommy at nagpatuloy na ulit kami sa pagkain. Yakov was the star of the night. Halos hindi na naubos ang mga tanong ni mommy sa kanya and I was worried that he couldn’t eat properly as he answered her each and every question. Kung minsan pa ay hinahaluan n’ya ng biro ang mga sagot n’ya.

Our dinner became lively which was very unusual kapag kami lang pamilya ang magkakasabay na naghahapunan. Back then, dad was very quiet. Si mommy lang ang palaging nagsasalita and it was either because she noticed something in me or she wanted me to do something para mas maging maganda pa ang image ni daddy sa publiko.

“I heard you enjoyed the tour in Siargao, Yakov.” Dad opened the topic about our trip.

Napangiti si Yakov.

“Yes, tito. The place was really beautiful. Mas nag-enjoy lang ako ngayon dahil nakasama ko si kuya.”

“This is your half-brother that’s in Russia, right?”

“Yes, tito.”

“I heard Russians are extreme. They are cold and ruthless,” may disgusto sa boses ni mommy nang sabihin n’ya iyon.

I pursed my lips. Pinigilan ko ang magsalita at kontrahin ang sinabi n’ya. I was like her at first though. Especially the first time I met Serj when I was little. I didn’t have a good impression of him. Nagbago lang iyon nang makasama ko s’ya sa Siargao.

Plus, alam ko namang ipagtatanggol ni Yakov ang kuya n’ya.

I was right as seconds later; I saw him shaking his head.

“Ay, hindi po, tita. Kuya is very caring. Tinuruan n’ya akong mag-surf. And he was always on the go kapag niyayaya ko s’ya. Pinagbigyan n’ya lahat ng gusto ko.”

“I do like Russian traits,” I heard dad say. “They have a strong personality and they value their country and family.”

My mom shrugged her shoulders.

“Well, mas gusto ko pa rin si Yakov. I’m sure that he’s more handsome too! Right, hijo?” She looked at Yakov.

“Naku, tita… Mukha walang-wala nga ako kay kuya,” nahihiyang sabi ni Yakov na mukhang mas ikinatuwa lang ni mommy.

“Not only handsome but very humble too!” she exclaimed. “Ah… I’m sure both you and Natalia will have wonderful kids. I can’t wait to have wonderful and cute grandchildren.”

The pressure came crashing us like a comet fell from the sky. Pareho kaming natigilan ni Yakov at nagkatinginan pa kami. He was trying to hide it but I saw that he was panicking deep inside.

I understand him. I am feeling the same as him. Kung kanina ay kasal lang ang binabanggit ni mommy, ngayon ay mga apo na! Wala pa nga sa plano namin ni Yakov ang magpakasal!

After making sure that we both want to settle down once we’re ready, hindi na ulit namin pinag-usapan ni Yakov ang tungkol sa pagpapakasal. As our relationship lasts longer, it feels like the topic became a taboo for both of us. Pareho naming iniiwasan ang tungkol sa usaping iyon.

“Stop with that talk, Gwendolyn. You’re making the kids uncomfortable,” seryosong sabi ni dad.

With that, natahimik si mommy. The topic shifted to something else and mom didn’t try to open it again. When dad was serious, she never tried to defy his words.

I was able to finish my food in peace. Dad opened the bottle of wine and we drank it as they continued to throw questions at Yakov. Habang ako naman ay nakikinig lang sa usapan nila. Kung minsan ay sumasagot din kapag sa akin nakadirekta ang tanong. Or if I think I needed to support Yakov with his answers.

Maya-maya rin ay nagpaalam na rin kami ni Yakov.

“I would like to stay longer, tito, tita, but unfortunately, I have to attend a meeting tomorrow,” sabi ni Yakov nang maihatid nila kami sa pintuan.

“No worries, hijo. We are actually glad that you could join us today despite your busy schedule.”

Natawa si Yakov sa sinabi ni daddy.

“Walang sinabi ’yung schedule ko sa inyo, Senator!”

Dad chuckled with that and he tapped Yakov’s back. He looked at me. Lumapit ako sa kanya at niyakap s’ya.

“Goodnight, dad,” I said. Wala s’yang sinabi at tumango lang.

“I hope you can join us again in the future, Yakov,” narinig kong sabi ni mommy nang humiwalay na ako kay daddy.

“Of course, tita.”

“Oh! Before I forgot.” She looked like she remembered something. “May bagong bukas na restaurant pala ’yung kaibigan ko. It’s Marjorie, remember her, Natalia? Palagi ko kasi kayong naikukwento sa kanya. Can you both spare some time and have dinner at her restaurant if you can and give a review?”

Nagkatinginan kami ni Yakov. Katatapos lang naming kumain, may nakaplanong dinner na naman.

“Oh… Okay lang naman po,” sabi ni Yakov na halatang hindi matanggihan si mommy.

“Really? Kailan? Para masabihan ko na s’ya.”

“Uhm…” Napasulyap sa akin si Yakov. I just gave him a helpless smile, feeling sorry for him that he got caught up with my mom’s stuff. “I’m okay this Wednesday night po.”

“Alright! Sasabihin ko sa kanya.”

Pinakawalan na rin naman kami ni mommy pagkatapos noon at nagpaalam na kami. Hinatid ako ni Yakov hanggang sa bahay. He got out of the car and opened the door for me.

“Thank you for accepting my mom’s invitation, Yakov,” sabi ko nang makababa ako ng kotse. “I know how hard it is dealing with my parents.”

Yakov squinted his eyes at me.

“Yeah, that’s right. Magpasalamat ka talaga sa ’kin. It was so awkward when your mom mentioned the grandchildren!”

Napangiti ako. I know how hard it was for him. Kitang-kita ko kanina na muntik na talaga s’yang mag-panic!

“Ang akala ko talaga aalis ka na lang bigla kanina sa sobrang hindi mo alam ang gagawin mo,” natatawa kong sabi.

“Muntik na talaga!”

We both chuckled. Ngayong tapos na ang dinner, tinatawanan na lang namin ang nangyari kanina.

“Sorry about my mom,” I said.

He shook his head.

“Hindi mo ba nasabi sa kanya ’yung napag-usapan natin?”

“Nasabi ko naman but… you know. Mom can be a bit pushover at times.”

He playfully frowned at me.

“A bit? At times?” tanong n’ya. Halatang nang-aasar.

Napanguso na lang ako na ikinangiti n’ya.

“See you on Wednesday? Susunduin kita.”

Napatango ako. Sakto naman na tumunog ang phone n’ya para sa isang text. He checked it and looked at me after.

“I have to go,” he said and I nodded.

“Take care, Yakov. Good night.”

He nodded and I watched him get inside the car and drive away. Pinanood ko hanggang sa mawala sa paningin ko ang sasakyan n’ya. I opened the gate and went inside. As I walked towards the door of my house, I was fishing for the keys in my bag. Saktong nasa may pintuan ako nang mahanap ko iyon. I unlocked it and went inside my house.

It was then that I finally remembered something. Natigilan ako.

I know who it was. The girl that I saw with Yakov one time. It was our former classmate when we were in college. It was Yakov’s best friend. I remembered that they were so close back then.

I thought they’d lost contact with each other when we graduated. Nahuli kasing maka-graduate ’yung babae. Hindi ko alam na nakakapag-usap pa pala sila.

So… She’s Yakov’s client now?

Huh… A client.

I was about to take out my phone to call Yakov and ask him about it. But then, I decided to just ask him in person. I wanted to see the look on his face when I mentioned her name. It might be nothing but… I want to do it that way.

I’ll just ask him on Wednesday.

I had to restrain myself from asking him about it whenever we were texting while waiting for Wednesday to come. Hindi ko na rin naman kinailangan maghintay nang matagal. Days will pass like a blur really if you’re busy.

I checked myself in the mirror one last time nang marinig ko ang pagbusina ni Yakov nang makarating na s’ya para sunduin ako. Mom said that it was her friend’s restaurant and that only meant one thing: she wanted me to be at my best tonight as my behavior would reflect on her and dad.

So, I wore my best dress for tonight. Black is the color that suited me the most so it was the color of my dress. It was a black off-shoulder bodycon with three-fourth sleeves, hugging the curves of my body to my knees. It was the perfect dress for tonight. It was simple but elegant, not making me look like I was trying to give an impression. I just let my hair down and tucked the left side neatly behind my ears to complete a simple look.

Yakov drove us to the restaurant. The server called the owner, who is Tita Marjorie, when we gave our names upon our arrival.

“Natalia! I’m so glad that you give time to my restaurant!” Tita Marjorie kissed me on the cheeks.

“Of course, tita.” I looked at Yakov. “Si Yakov nga po pala. My boyfriend.”

“Good evening ho,” bati ni Yakov na naglahad ng kamay.

“Good evening din, hijo. Oh, my! Tama nga ang sinabi ni Gwendolyn. Ang gwapo mong bata!”

Yakov just chuckled. Sinulyapan n’ya ako. I just smiled at him but I knew that he knew the reason behind my smile. Hinihintay ko kasi s’yang magreklamo gaya nang pagrereklamo n’ya kay Tito Charles sa tuwing tinatawag pa rin s’yang ‘bata.’

He just scrunched his nose at me. Hindi makapagreklamo dahil ibang tao ang kaharap.

“O, s’ya. I’ll guide you both to your table. Order anything you want, okay? If you need anything, just ask for me.”

Nagpasalamat kami kay Tita Marjorie nang makaupo na kami sa reserved table para sa amin. May lumapit kaagad sa aming server at nag-order na kami ng pagkain. I was not sure if we just had a special treatment ’cause the owner knows us or they just have a fast service dahil mablis na dumating ang mga in-order namin.

“Yakov,” I called his attention when we started eating. “Nabanggit ko sa ’yo na magba-branch out ulit ’yung shop ko, right? Can you suggest a place kung saan magandang mag-branch out since ikaw ang madalas na mag-explore?”

He just threw me a glance and continued cutting his steak before he shrugged his shoulders.

“Kahit naman sa magandang lugar ka magtayo, there’s no guarantee that the business will be a success.”

I pursed my lips. Napadiin ang paghihiwa ko sa karne.

“Nagpapa-recommend lang ako ng lugar sa ’yo, Yakov.”

“I’m saying I don’t have an idea, alright? I’m exploring places to have fun, not to look for a possible area to start a business.”

Bigla akong nakaramdam ng inis. Lately, parang dumadalas na yata ang pagkainis ko kay Yakov. Kahit naman noon, lalo na kapag napag-uusapan ang tungkol sa business ko, talagang naiinis ako sa mga salitang lumalabas sa bibig n’ya.

I just… never felt like he was supporting me in this journey. Para pa ngang ayaw ni Yakov ang ginagawa ko.

That’s why I was keeping our photo together noong opening ng shop ko. He was there and he even gave me flowers but… I felt like he just did it out of his obligation as my boyfriend. ’Cause his parents were there as well.

While I supported him in everything he wanted to do even if I had to adjust.

It was just… so unfair.

I took a deep breath. Whenever I’m with him, I feel like I shouldn’t talk about my business.

“It was Sabrina, wasn’t it?” That’s the topic I decided to go to. “’Yung nakita kong kasama mo.”

Natigilan si Yakov at napatingin sa akin. He blinked. Nagsalubong ang mga kilay n’ya pero maya-maya ay tumango rin na parang biglang naalala kung anong sinasabi ko.

“Ah, yes… Nagkita nga kami sa Molito one time,” he said and continued eating like it was nothing.

Pinagpatuloy ko na rin ang pagkain ko pero palihim ko s’yang sinusulyapan. I was observing him. Tinitignan ko kung may pagbabago ba sa kilos n’ya nang banggitin ko ang pangalang ’yon.

His phone chimed. Napatigil s’ya sa pagkain at kinuha ang phone na nasa bulsa n’ya. He read the text and I frowned when I saw him tapping on his phone, composing a reply to whoever just sent him the message. That was so unusual since he never uses his phone when he’s eating.

“Who’s that?” I asked.  Napatingin pa ako sa phone n’yang inilapag n’ya sa table.

“Ha? Si Sabrina.”

Mas lalong napakunot ang noo ko. Parang pinag-uusapan lang namin s’ya, ah?

Pareho pa kami ni Yakov na napatingin sa phone n’yang umilaw kasabay nang pagtunog para sa natanggap na text. He took it and to my surprise, he typed in a reply again!

“Yakov, we’re eating,” saway ko sa kanya.

But it looked like he didn’t hear me and continued typing on his phone.

“Yakov!”

“Okay, okay!” Inis n’yang itinago ang phone sa bulsa n’ya. “Happy now?”

Hindi makapaniwalang napatitig ako sa kanya.

“Didn’t your mom teach you about table manners? Kaya nga hindi ka nagre-reply sa akin kapag kumakain ka, ’di ba?”

Iyon pa nga ang palagi n’yang idinadahilan kapag hindi kaagad s’ya nakaka-reply sa akin. He knew that I would understand as Tita Tessa values table manners and she taught us both about its importance.

“Stop it. Hindi ko na nga hawak ang phone ko, oh?”

“I didn’t even know na nakakausap mo pa pala ulit s’ya. Kailan pa ’yan?” This was not what I had in mind regarding how our conversation would turn out when I decided to ask him about Sabrina.

“Just recently,” maikli n’yang sagot at nagpatuloy na ulit sa pagkain.

“S’ya ’yon, ’di ba? ’Yung babaeng ka-close mo nu’ng college? ’Yung palagi mong kasamang mag-cutting class?”

Nagulat ako nang tumawa s’ya. Anong nakakatawa ro’n?

“Yeah… She’s uncontrollable.”

“Our classmates even called you both the troublemakers.”

“Inakala pa nga nilang s’ya ’yung girlfriend ko!” Natawa ulit s’ya. “Mas mukhang girlfriend ko pa raw kasi s’ya kaysa sa ’yo dahil s’ya ’yung palagi kong kasama.”

Bigla na naman akong nainis doon. Pakiramdam ko kasi ay may iba pa s’yang pakahulugan sa sinabi n’ya.

“I was busy with my studies,” I said.

“Alam ko. Kaya nga ’di mo ’ko masamahan. Si Sab ’yung palagi kong kasama.”

“So, what? Gusto mong samahan kita no’n mag-cutting class?” hindi makapaniwala kong tanong.

“No,” he said, irritated. “With my trip, Nat. Hindi mo man lang kasi ako sinubukang sabayan. Busy ka palaging mag-aral.”

I let out a sarcastic laugh.

“Yakov, ’wag mong baliktarin sa akin ang sitwasyon. Don’t make it look like I’m a bad girlfriend dahil lang hindi kita masabayan sa mga trip mo sa buhay. You had the chance to be that carefree back then because of me anyway.”

Nagsalubong ang mga kilay n’ya.

“Anong gusto mong sabihin?”

“You didn’t have to worry about your homeworks and quizzes dahil nangongopya ka rin naman sa akin. And even with your projects. May ilang beses na ako pa ang gumagawa no’n.”

“Anong pinaparating mo? Na hindi dapat ako makaka-graduate ng college kung hindi dahil sa ’yo?” bahagya nang tumaas ang boses n’ya na mas nagpadagdag lang ng inis ko.

Siguro, naghalo-halo na rin ang lahat ng kinaiinisan ko sa kanya. Nagsimula ang usapan namin ngayong gabi tungkol sa business ko and he made me feel like my business wouldn’t be sucessful no matter what I do. Bumalik sa akin ang mga pagkakataong pinaramdam n’ya sa akin na hindi n’ya ako sinusuportahan sa gusto kong gawin.

Is this his way of getting back to me dahil hindi ko s’ya sinamahan sa mga trip n’ya sa buhay? Gumaganti ba s’ya?

Sabay-sabay na ang inis na nararamdaman ko so I just let it all out.

“Maybe?” I even smirked at him. “That girl, Sabrina, she had repeated subjects, right? Siguro kung hindi nga dahil sa ’kin, kung hindi kita tinulungan sa pag-aaral mo, baka hindi tayo magkasabay na gr-um-aduate noon, Yakov.”

“You are such an arrogant bitch.”

My eyes widened in surprise. Hindi makapaniwalang napatitig na lang ako sa kanya. I was just looking at him as my mind processed what he said.

He just didn’t call me that, did he?

I never thought I would hear him calling me like that. I never thought that I would see him looking at me with so much anger in his eyes.

“Ano? Pinagmamalaki mo ’yung walang kwenta mong shop? ’Yung matataas mong mga grades noon? Sige. Sabihin na nating meron ka nga ng mga ’yon, but you can’t deny the fact that you don’t know how to handle a relationship, Nat. You don’t know how to make a man happy. You’re too boring. Kung hindi ako ang boyfriend mong napagtitiisan ka pa, malamang marami nang nang-iwan sa ’yo. You’ll just end up alone if you’re going to be like that.”

I glared at him.

“How dare you? Sinasabi mo bang dapat pa akong magpasalamat sa ’yo dahil pinagtitiisan mo lang ako?”

“Bakit? Totoo naman, Nat. Walang lalaking makakatiis sa ugali mo.”

I was about to say it. I was about to say that if he was just putting up with me, then he didn’t have to and he was free to leave. Pero mabilis mabilis n’yang dinugtungan ang sinabi n’ya.

“Let’s stop seeing each other for a while. Maghahanap lang ulit ako ng lakas ng loob para mapagtiisan ’yang kayabangan mo.”

He got up and left the table. Ni hindi man lang n’ya tinapos ang pagkain n’ya. He left me alone at the table and some people were even glancing at me, wondering what happened as Yakov walked out angrily. Napansin nang iba na may mali dahil doon.

I gritted my teeth and balled my fist. I was so angry and hurt that I felt like crying out of anger. But I tried to stop my tears. There’s no way that I will cry because of this.

“Natalia, hija? Is everything alright?” tanong ni Tita Marjorie na lumapit pa sa akin. Napansin din siguro ang pagwo-walk out ni Yakov.

I cursed inwardly. Hindi na ako magtataka kung mababalitaan ito ni mommy. The last thing I wanted was for her to know about this.

I took a deep breath and forced a smile at Tita Marjorie.

“Yes, tita. The food is amazing.

She didn’t look convinced.

“Where’s your boyfriend?”

“Something came up lang po with his work. Can I have the bill na po, please? We need to go na po.”

“Oh, no, It’s okay. Don’t worry. It’s on the house.”

I smiled and got up. I took my purse.

“Thank you, tita. We’ll come here again.”

Nang makalabas ako ng restaurant ay hindi ko na rin namang inaasahang nandoon pa si Yakov at naghihintay sa akin para ihatid ako pauwi. But I still couldn’t believe that he really did leave me. He knew I didn’t have my car dahil magkasabay kaming pumunta rito gamit ang kotse n’ya. I had to call for a cab so I could go home.

It wasn’t a surprise that I received a call from my mom as soon as I got home. Bago ko pa sagutin ang tawag n’ya ay alam ko na kung anong itatanong n’ya.

“Natalia! Ano itong sinasabi ni Marjorie na mukhang nagtalo raw kayo ni Yakov?” iyon kaagad ang bungad n’ya pagkasagot ko ng tawag.

“Nothing, mom. May hindi lang po kami nagpagkasunduan ni Yakov.”

Humiga ako sa kama nang hindi pa nag-aayos. I was exhausted. I wanted to sleep.

“Anong hindi napagkasunduan? At talagang doon n’yo pa naisipang magtalo? Naku, Natalia Nicole! Ano na namang ginawa mo?”

That was the trigger for me. Ang kaninang luhang pinipigilan ko ay bumuhos na. I had to bite my lower lip to stop myself from sobbing. Ayokong malaman ni mommy na umiiyak ako ngayon.

Why did she have to make it look like it was my fault? I know na napasobra rin ako kanina but… hindi man lang ba muna n’ya pakikinggan kung anong nangyari? Iisipin n’ya agad na kasalanan ko?

Was it really entirely my fault? Nasaktan din naman ako sa mga pinagsasabi ni Yakov, ah?

“It’s just a phase, mom.” Napatikhim ako dahil nagbara ang lalamunan ko. “Magkakaayos din po kami.

“Siguraduhim mo lang! Malapit na ang birthday ni Charles! Hindi maganda kung mahahalata ng ibang tao ang pagtatalo n’yo. You have to do something!”

“I know,” pabuntong-hininga kong sagot. “I’m tired, mom. I need to sleep.”

“Okay, okay. Si Yakov, ha? Mag-sorry ka sa kanya!”

Ilang sandali akong natahimik dahil sa muling pagbuhos ng mga luha ko.

“Good night, mom,” I ended the call with a hoarse voice. Hindi ko na inalam kung nahalata ni mommy na umiiyak ako dahil pinutol ko na ang tawag.

I just remained lying on the bed and cried my frustrations out. Kung kanina ay gusto kong umiyak dahil kay Yakov, ngayon ay dahil na kay mommy. It was a good thing na nasa bahay na ako. Alam ko kasi na kahit anong pigil ko, hindi ko na mapipigilan ang mapaiyak.

Am I the one who should apologize? Sumobra ako kanina, alam ko ’yon. Pero may kasalanan din naman si Yakov. I was already at my limit kaya hindi ko na rin napigilan ang mga nasabi ko kanina.

Maybe, it would have been really the best if we wouldn’t see each other for a while. So, we have time to think for ourselves. Pakiramdam ko rin kasi, hindi na para sa amin ang relasyon namin. It feels like we were just doing this out of obligation to our parents.

I gave Yakov the space he was asking for. Hindi ko rin naman kayang makipag-usap sa kanya agad. I was so hurt. I hurt him as well. This was the best for us.

Isang linggong wala kaming naging paramdam sa isa’t isa. Halos araw-araw akong kinukulit ni mommy but I was just telling her that it would be okay. Hindi rin naman s’ya makapagtanong nang deretso kay Yakov.

It was night time and it was my turn to close the shop. Nauna nang umuwi sina Millie at Andrea at nagpaiwan muna ako sa shop para makapag-isip. I already put up the close sign pero isang oras pa muna akong nanatili sa loob bago lumabas at ini-lock na ang shop.

I took out my phone, checking if I received any messages pero kay mommy lang ang nakita ko, asking if Yakov and I were already okay.

I took a deep breath and sighed.

“I see you have a habit of sighing deeply.”

I turned around quickly. Nagulat ako nang may biglang magsalita sa likod ko. I wasn’t prepared for how fast my heart beat when I heard that voice. But I was most surprised when I confirmed who it was as soon as I saw him.

He was the last person I expected to see tonight.

“Serj…”

Chapter 12

I was surprised to see the man standing in front of me. It was Serj and he was the last person I expected to see tonight. It was almost impossible and I even thought that I was dreaming. 

The time we parted after Siargao was what I thought the last time I would see him. I never thought we would see each other again. Kaya nga ganoon ang naging panghihinayang ko nang hindi ako makapagpaalam sa kanya.

But now… he’s really here in front of me.

Is this even real? Am I really seeing him standing few steps away from me?

Hindi ko na magawang alisin ang tingin ko sa kanya. Serj was in his usual black style again. His black long-sleeved shirt was tucked into his black trousers and I could see his black belt. The first two buttons of his shirt were undone, revealing some skin from his chest. The silver watch on his wrist was noticeable as it was the only thing he was wearing that wasn’t black.

It was like the first time we saw each other again. Halos ganito rin ang porma n’ya noon. Ang kaibahan nga lang ngayon, his hair was in a messy style. Like he—or someone—ran their fingers on his hair a lot of times kaya nagulo nang ganoon.

But… it still suited him.

I didn’t know why but… seeing him gave me relief. His presence gave me comfort after all those exhausting days. His blue eyes that were staring at me looked ice-cold but… I felt the warmth inside.

Seeing someone, seeing him matapos ng mga pinagdaanan ko nang mga nakaraang araw ay nakapaninibago.

But I wanted that change. I needed that sudden change.

He was my escape.

I smiled at him and let out a huge sigh of relief.

“You’re here!” hindi makapaniwala kong sabi kahit alam kong kanina pa naman ako nakatitig sa kanya. “You came back.”

He squinted his eyes a bit. He even crouched a little, like taking a good look at me.

“You’re that glad to see me?”

Natawa ako. I don’t know what expression I was making right now but I might’ve shown a bit overboard than what I intended to do. Lumabas siguro ang totoo kong nararamdaman sa ekspresyon ko ngayon.

“No…” I said, chuckling. “I was just… I just didn’t expect to see you here.”

Ilang sandali s’yang tumitig sa akin bago tumayo nang deretso. He took a deep breath and crossed his arms over his chest.

Napatayo rin tuloy ako nang deretso. I couldn’t help it. It looked like I had just done something wrong and he caught me with it.

He tilted his head to the side which just added to his intimidating aura before he squinted his eyes at me.

“So… you’re not happy to see me? Should I leave?”

“No!”

Mabilis ang naging sagot ko at napahakbang pa ako ng isang beses palapit sa kanya. Pero agad din naman akong napatigil nang ma-realize ang ginawa ko.

I blinked and slowly looked up at Serj, hoping that he didn’t notice it which was so impossible. Kaya naman hindi na ako nagtaka nang makita ko ang ngisi sa mga labi n’ya na agad din naman n’yang itinago.

“So, what is it, really? Are you glad to see me or not?” he asked. His voice had a faint teasing tone.

Seeing him like this, I suddenly remember what my mom said the last time we had dinner with Yakov.

Mom… Not all Russians are cold. Not all Russians are ruthless. Some of them can be this playful, teasing you, lifting your spirits when you’re feeling down even when they’re not even trying to. Some of them can give you the warmth that will comfort you even if they’re not aware of it.

Mom, a Russian was making me feel all of that now. ’Yung cold at ruthless na sinasabi mo, I didn’t know that he would give me these feelings.

There was really something wrong happening within me whenever I was with Serj. He’s making me feel things. And even right now, I didn’t know that I needed him.

He was like my break, my diversion, the rest that I’ve been waiting for after I’ve experienced terrible things.

I’m really glad to see him tonight.

“Bakit ka nga pala nandito?” I asked. Napatingin pa ako sa paligid para tignan kung may kasama s’ya at napadaan lang pero wala akong nakita. “Naliligaw ka ba or—”

“I wanted to see you.”

Natigilan ako. Wala akong nagawa kundi ang titigan na lang s’ya dahil nabigla ako sa sinabi n’ya. He said it like it was nothing. Like it won’t affect me in any way.

He was staring back at me. I already noticed this before. Whenever he was talking to me, he was always looking straight into my eyes. Hindi ko pa nga makayanan noon dahil mabigat sa pakiramdam ang mga titig n’ya. His stares would be able to make you feel intoxicated with his eyes.

But now… I didn’t want to look away. I didn’t want to take my eyes off him. I was scared that this unexpected escape with him might be gone too quickly, like how he suddenly appeared, if I looked away.

“Ako?” I asked. “Why?”

I was confused. Why would he want to see me? Did I do anything wrong?

Why is he here anyway? Kailan pa s’ya bumalik ulit sa bansa? Bakit wala man lang nasabi sa akin si Yakov tungkol sa pagbabalik ng kuya n’ya?

Oh… right. I almost forgot. He said we shouldn’t see each other for a while.

Wait… Was that it then? Nalaman ba ni Serj ang tungkol sa naging pagtatalo namin ng kapatid n’ya kaya s’ya nandito ngayon and he’s gonna talk to me about it? Will he also tell me to apologize to Yakov?

“You didn’t say goodbye when I left,” he said.

Huh…?

Sa lahat ng mga naisip kong posibleng maging dahilan kung bakit s’ya nandito ngayon, ni hindi man lang pumasok iyon sa isip ko kung bakit gusto n’ya akong makita ngayon.

“I… We got busy that day and there wasn’t any chance for me to say goodbye,” halos mautal pang paliwanag ko.

Humakbang s’ya palapit at sinilip n’ya ang mukha ko. I caught my breath with his sudden move. He looked like he wanted to see me properly and the lights from the street lamps weren’t helping him.

Siguro, para na rin makita kung nagsisinungaling ako o hindi? Magaling s’yang bumasa ng expression, eh. Nahalata ko rin ’yon noong nasa Siargao kami. He was observant.

“So, it wasn’t because you found me unpleasant?”

Halos malukot ang mukha ko sa pagtataka nang tignan ko s’ya.

“What? No!” Umiling pa ako. “Why would I find you unpleasant anyway?”

He shrugged. Tumayo s’ya nang deretso at nagpamulsa.

“That was the look you gave me when I arrived though.”

I was surprised! Nahalata n’ya rin ’yon?

Gusto ko sanang sabihin ang totoo. That it was because of the first impression he gave me when we were young. Sobrang hindi naging maganda ang tingin ko sa kuya ni Yakov dahil doon. Isa pa pala. When we met again, I felt strange feelings.

But no way would I say those things to him. Baka sabihan pa akong creepy dahil hindi ko nalimutan ang mga nangyari noong bata pa ako. Baka hindi na rin naman n’ya natatandaan ’yon.

So, I just shook my head at him.

“Wala ’yon. Gano’n talaga ako. Judger sa una.”

Serj chuckled at that. Pagkatapos ay muli akong tinitigan.

“Did you have your dinner?”

Napaisip pa ako nang ilang sandali, nagulat sa biglang pagtatanong n’ya pero napailing din naman.

“I usually eat dinner after I close the shop.”

He frowned. Sinulyapan n’ya ang relong pambisig at mas lalong nagsalubong ang mga kilay n’ya. He then looked at me again.

“Alright. Let’s have dinner,” he said.

“Tayong dalawa?” nagtataka kong tanong.

So, hindi pa rin s’ya nagdi-dinner? Anong oras na, ah?

Pansin ko ang pagkakatigil n’ya. He just stared at me and that’s when I realized my mistake. Mali ang naging tanong ko!

“If you want, I can call Yakov—”

Mabilis akong umiling sa simula pa lang ng pagsasalita n’ya pero mas mariin ang naging pag-iling ko nang marinig ang binanggit n’yang pangalan.

“No.” I shook my head again. “Yakov and I… We both agreed to give time to ourselves… Separately.”

Kung nagulat man si Serj ay hindi ko alam. Deretso lang s’yang nakatingin sa akin. He didn’t have any expression on his face.

Hindi ko rin naman alam kung alam na n’ya ang tungkol doon. Though, I have the feeling that Yakov wouldn’t tell him. I think that Yakov wouldn’t want to give his problem to him.

I groaned inwardly. Samantalang ako…

Kainis talaga! I shared those things with Serj when we were in Siargao!

“Is it alright with you if it’s just the two of us for this dinner?” he asked.

I was… thankful that he didn’t ask about what happened between Yakov and me.

Mabilis akong tumango sa kanya. Wala naman akong nakikitang problema doon.

“Of course! What about you? Is it alright if it’s just the two of us?”

I noticed that he was about to smirk. Pero hindi n’ya rin naman itinuloy. He just let out a soft chuckle.

“You didn’t have to ask me that.”

“Huh?”

He let out the smirk that he was hiding this time. That kind of smirk that he knew something I don’t.

“Nothing.” He cleared his throat. “Charles lend his car to me so I’ll drive us to the restaurant.”

Magre-react pa nga sana ako roon. Hindi ko kasi alam na may alam s’yang restaurant. But maybe… He did research where he could eat considering that he has an allergy.

“I brought my car—”

“You don’t have to worry about it,” putol ni Serj sa sasabihin ko na sana. “We could come back here after dinner for your car.”

Napatango ako. That’ll do.

“Okay. Let’s go.”

Serj lead us to where he parked his car. He opened the door for me to the passenger side. Napansin ko ang pag-alalay n’ya sa akin para hindi ako mauntog sa bubong ng kotse. He used his hand as a guard for my head. Saka lang n’ya isinara ang pinto nang masigurong nakaupo na ako nang maayos.

I couldn’t help the smile that escaped from my lips. It was a simple gesture but… I appreciated it.

Hinintay ko na munang makasakay na rin si Serj bago ko inabot ang seatbelt at ikinabit iyon sa katawan ko.

“Serj,” I called him as he started the car.

“Yeah?”

He looked at me and I gave him a gentle smile.

“I’m glad to see you again. Really,” seryosong sabi ko sa kanya.

Natigilan s’ya at napatitig sa akin. As I looked in his eyes, I somehow understand why my mom called Russians as cold and ruthless. Serj’s eyes looked that way right now. Nakadagdag pa sa intesidad ang pagiging kulay asul ng mga mata n’ya. It was like looking at the coldest ice that ever existed.

But then… I noticed how his eyes warmed up as he stared at me. Na para bang unti-unting natutunaw ang yelo.

“I’m glad I’m not the only one,” he said.

I squinted my eyes at him. It was my turn to tease him.

“You mean you’re glad that I’m seeing you again?”

He blinked. He had a serious expression pero humalo roon ang pagkalito n’ya dahil sa sinabi ko.

“No. That’s not—”

I laughed.

“I’m kidding! I was just kidding!” sabi kong natatawa.

Ah… It was hard to tease him. He had this serious aura. Parang kahit biruin ay magagalit pa s’ya.

I should stop.

“What I mean is—” he tried to explain but I shook my head.

“It’s okay, Serj. I get it.”

He took a deep breath. Mukhang nauubusan na yata ng pasensya sa akin.

“Natalia.”

It was effective. Natigilan ako roon. Ni hindi ko magawang makapagsalita.

That was the first time he ever called me by my name. I know, dahil kakaibang-kakaiba ang naging epekto noon sa akin. Parang naparalisa ang buong katawan ko at wala na akong magawa kundi ang titigan na lang s’ya, wondering why he could affect me so much just by calling my name.

Did he know it? That I would be like this? Kaya ba ngayon lang n’ya ako tinawag sa pangalan ko dahil alam n’yang ganito ang magiging epekto sa akin?

“What I mean to say is…” he continued when he was sure that I would finally stop teasing him.

He gave me a smirk.

“I’m glad to see you again as well, Natalia.”

Huh… What was that sound I was hearing? It sounded like the beat of a drum. Sunod-sunod. Palakas nang palakas habang pabilis rin nang pabilis.

Nang hindi na ako makahinga nang maayos, saka ko lang na-realize na ang tunog ay nanggagaling sa dibdib ko at para bang nagwawala roon ang puso ko at gusto nang tumalon palabas.

But when Serj gave me a smile as well, pakiramdam ko ay hindi ko na talaga kaya.

He just smiled! I never expected that I would see his smile, a real one even, as he said that Russian wouldn’t just smile at anyone.

Does that mean that I’m not just anyone to him?

It’s not fair… His smile was so beautiful. He had a kind despite his serious look in his eyes as he smiled and it looked like the blue ocean glistening under the sunlight. It was glistening as it had its most treasured possession looking at it.

Tapos tinawag n’ya pa talaga ang pangalan ko…

“It’s not fair…” hindi ko na napigilang sabihin.

“Hmm?” Serj looked like he didn’t know what I was talking about.

I just bit my lower lip and shook my head. I saw his eyes looking down at my lips. Pinakawalan ko ’yon and I heard him let out a soft chuckle.

“Fuck,” napapailing na bulong n’ya at tumingin na sa kalsada.

I looked away at him too. Tumingin na lang ako sa labas ng bintana at nagsimula na rin s’yang magmaneho.

Ipinarada n’ya sa harap ng isang fancy restaurant ang sasakyan. We got out of the car and went inside. The restaurant has dim lighting to match the vibe it was trying to give the customer. I could even hear slow music playing in the background. It has earth color interiors and I began to like the place.

“Madalas ka rito?” mahinang tanong ko kay Serj as the server guided us to our seat that was on the side.

“No. It is my first time here but I heard the food and service are good.”

I nodded. Sa ambiance pa lang, nagustuhan ko na rin ang place. It was relaxing. There was nothing that looked flashy in my eyes. Just mild and soft vibe.

“Kailan ka pa dumating?” tanong ko kay Serj nang makuha na ng server ang order namin.

“Earlier,” he said. “Charles’ birthday is coming up and they invited me.”

“Yakov knows?”

He shrugged his shoulders.

“I haven’t seen him yet. He wasn’t there when I arrived.”

I frowned. That was so unusual… And suspicious. Hindi ipagpapalit ni Yakov sa kahit ano kapag tungkol na sa kapatid n’ya. That’s how much he looked up to him.

“It’s alright,” Serj said when he probably saw that I was thinking about it. “I’m staying at their house so we’ll bump into each other.”

Napatango na lang ako. Well, hindi ko na rin naman problema pa kung hindi alam ni Yakov ang pagdating ng kapatid n’ya.

“Wait,” bigla kong nasabi nang may mapagtanto. “Does that mean that you went straight to my shop?”

I mean, he just arrived earlier. I didn’t know the exact time but of course he had to rest first. Kung hindi sila nagkita ni Yakov ngayon, na sigurado akong magyayaya sa kanya sa kung saan, then does that mean that he went to my shop after he got some rest if ever?

“Charles said your shop closes around that time,” he said.

Huh? Hindi man lang itinanggi ang pagkakaalam kong dumiretso nga s’ya sa shop ko?

But wait…

“I stayed late in the shop tonight.” Isang oras pa nga akong nasa loob lang ng shop nang isara namin iyon.

“I waited till you came out.”

Napasinghap ako sa sinabi n’ya at nanlalaki pa ang mga matang napatingin sa kanya.

He did what?

“Serj! You should’ve called me!”

He chuckled. Ba’t natatawa pa ’tong isang ’to?

“I didn’t have your number.

I groaned.

“You should’ve at least knocked on the glass door! Mapapansin na kita no’n!”

He just smirked. Mukha wala pa nga sa kanya ang paghihintay n’ya ng isang oras hanggang sa paglabas ko ng shop. Samantalang ako ay nagsisi na kung bakit sa dami ng mga araw ay ngayon ko pa talaga naisipang magpagabi sa shop!

My goodness! He really did wait for me?

“So, that’s your shop?” I heard Serj ask.

Naguguluhang napatingin ako sa kanya. Bakit parang wala lang sa kanya ang paghihintay na ginawa n’ya? I even saw amusement in his eyes! Mukhang nag-e-enjoy habang pinapanood akong mag-react dahil pinaghintay ko lang naman ang isang lalaking galing pa ng Russia.

“Yeah…” I sighed. “I owned it.”

“That’s actually amazing,” he said.

Napangiti ako roon.

“Isn’t it? When I graduated from college, I promised myself na magtatayo ako ng isang clothing line business. I love fashion designing and I’m so glad that I achieved it!”

Napatango si Serj. He leaned his elbow on the table and used his knuckles to support his chin. Nagpangalumbaba s’ya.

“You worked hard and you earned it. It must’ve been hard at first.”

I nodded at that.

“I almost gave up, you know.” Pinaglaruan ko ang table napkin na nasa table pa. “I felt like it was taking too long for my shop to make some progress. But then, a celebrity accidentally discovered my design. Can you believe it?” tuwang-tuwa akong nagkukwento sa kanya lalo na nang maalala ko kung paano nagsimulang magkaroon ng progress ang shop ko.

“Accidentally? How so?” kunot-noong tanong ni Serj. He looked invested in my stories.

“Her P.A. bought the wrong dress. It came from my shop pero nagustuhan pa rin nu’ng actress ’yung design ko. The fit was almost the same as hers and the dress looked perfect on her. So, she still wore it to the party. Then, others noticed her dress and asked who her designer is.”

Serj looked like he was fighting a smile to show on his lips.

“And that’s how they got to know your name,” he said. Sunod-sunod at malaki ang ngiting napatango ako roon.

“Yes! After that, from time to time, may ilang celebrities na rin ang nagpapa-design ng mga damit nila sa akin,” proud ko pang sabi kay Serj.

“That’s amazing, Natalia… You did great.”

Pakiramdam ko ay mapupunit na ang mga labi ko dahil sa lawak ng ngiti ko. I couldn’t even help the chuckle that escaped from my lips. I was very happy. I was so happy that I could finally tell all of this to someone.

Pero maya-maya ay agad din naman akong natigilan. I gasped.

I just realized that I talked too much!

“Oh, no, I’m sorry…” mabilis kong sabi. “I blabbered too much. you must’ve been so bored with the topic.”

“What?” Serj frowned. “Continue talking. I want to hear more.”

I stilled. I looked at him, making sure that he did just say that. I was even waiting for him to tell me that he was kidding. That I actually bore him to death ’cause as what Yakov said, I’m too boring.

But Serj was just looking at me as well. He even looked like he was waiting for me to continue the story about my business.

My lips trembled. Kinagat ko pa ang pang-ibabang labi ko dahil pakiramdam ko ay maiiyak lang ako.

I couldn’t believe that there was someone who would tell me that. I couldn’t believe that there was someone who would want to listen to me talk about my business. I couldn’t believe that someone would look this interested in my story.

This was the first time I felt that it is not wrong if I wanted to talk about my shop.

“It’s a long story, Serj,” I said. Nanginginig na ang boses ko sa pagpipigil na maiyak.

He glanced at his wristwatch.

“It’s okay. I have plenty of time to listen,” he said. Sumandal pa s’ya sa upuan n’ya. He crossed his arms over his chest like he had all the time in the world to listen to me.

Napatawa ako kasabay ng pamumuo ng luha sa mga mata ko. I covered my mouth with my hands. I was smiling so wide while my eyes teared up.

“Wait, what…” Serj looked alarmed when he probably noticed my teary eyes. “Are you crying?”

Mabilis akong umiling at muling napatawa. He must’ve thought by now that I was crazy, crying and laughing like this!

Serj is a serious person. He has a very mature aura. He talks less but whenever he speaks, he’s always saying the words I needed to hear.

“No… I mean, yes.” Natawa ulit ako. “Naiiyak ako kasi mahaba nga ang kwento. Baka maubusan ako ng boses.”

He looked convinced by that. Nagsimula na rin ang mga server na i-serve ang mga order namin.

“Then… let’s talk about it as we eat?” he said when we received all our orders.

I smiled and nodded at him.

“Okay.”

I’m really glad to see you again, Serj. So glad…

Chapter 13

Serj is a man of his word.

Ginawa n’ya ang sinabi n’ya. He did listen to me. He listened to my story. Pakiramdam ko nga ay masyado akong naging madaldal at halos naikwento ko na ang buong nangyari simula nang maitayo ko ang shop ko. Hindi ko nga alam na may pagkamadaldal din pala ako. Naisip ko pa ngang baka ako lang naman pala ang nag-e-enjoy sa pagkukwento.

I really enjoyed the dinner. Which was so different kapag ibang tao ang kasama ko sa pagkain na madalas ay tahimik lang ako at nagsasalita lang kapag tinatanong.

But now, I was doing all the talk and Serj listened to everything I was saying.

Although there were times when I got worried that Serj might’ve been bored with all my talks and was just not saying anything and just putting up with me. Kaya habang nagkukwento ako ay inoobserbahan ko rin naman s’ya. And it was so hard since he got a serious look on his face all the time!

The only way I could tell that he wasn’t bored was because I realized that he was listening to me attentively. He was looking straight in my eyes all the time while I was talking, only taking his eyes off me if he needed to cut his steak. And sometimes, he was even asking me questions when I failed to mention some details and he was curious about it.

Ngayon lang ako nakapagkwento ng ganito. Iyong nananakit na ang lalamunan ko dahil salita ako nang salita. Pakiramdam ko nga ay nauubusan na talaga ako ng boses. I couldn’t eat properly but hey… It was fine by me. I wasn’t even complaining.

Siguro kasi, ngayon lang din may nakinig ng ganito sa akin. He even looked interested to whatever I was saying.

I feel so happy, so glad to have someone finally listened to me talking about my interests.

“Your shop is doing good,” he said as he cut his steak before he looked at me. “Don’t you have any plans of branching out again?”

Maingay akong napasinghap. Muntik ko pa ngang maihampas ang kamay ko sa lamesa dahil nabigla ako. I couldn’t believe that he thought the same just by hearing my stories! I mean, hindi rin kasi ako makapaniwala na maiisip n’ya ang plano ko and he somehow made it seem like it was a good move!

“Actually, naghahanap na nga ako ng lugar,” I said. Napangiti ako. “Nagpaplano na talaga akong mag-branch out ulit.”

“Oh.” Napakurap s’ya. “I shouldn’t have mentioned it. It’s useless since you’re already planning on it.”

“No!” Umiling pa ako habang nakangiti. Ah, this is bad… Hindi ko talaga mapigilan ang ngiti ko. “I’m happy that you think the same! Pakiramdam ko tuloy tama ’yung gagawin ko.”

“From what I’ve heard, you seem to know how to handle your business well. If you think that’s a good next step for your shop, then you should do it. I do think that you should expand your business too.”

Kung may ilalawak pa sana ang ngiti ko, malamang nagawa ko na. I was smiling the whole night. Binawi yata ’yung mga nakarang araw na hindi maganda ang pakiramdam ko dahil sa nangyayari sa relasyon namin ni Yakov. Idagdag pa ang halos araw-araw na pangungulit sa akin ni mommy.

But it’s okay. Nakalimutan ko ang lahat ng iyon ngayong gabi.

“I will,” I said. “Naghahanap na lang ako ng location kung saan magandang mag-branch out.”

Serj nodded.

“That’s good. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask me.”

“Thank you, Serj.”

I really am grateful for him. Iyon pa nga lang nakinig s’ya sa lahat ng kwento ko, sobra-sobra na ’yon para sa akin. It was already too much for me. I was really happy, beyond happy that he was ready and spared time to listen to me kahit na wala naman iyong magiging benefit sa kanya.

And now… He’s even offering his help.

Huh… I never knew that he was this kind of person. Ibang-iba sa naging impression ko sa kanya. Nagsisisi na tuloy akong hinusgahan ko s’ya dahil lang sa nangyari noon.

Gosh, that was so long ago! Ang we were so young that time pero dinala ko hanggang ngayon!

He grew up into a fine man.

I noticed Serj staring at me. Tumitig din ako pabalik. Kung dati ay iniiwasan ko ang mga titig n’ya, ngayon ay hindi na. I wanted to look at those beautiful blue eyes that seemed so cold but the person could actually give you warmth.

Nandoon pa rin naman ang epekto ng mga titig n’ya sa akin. I don’t know… Hindi na yata mawawala iyon. His stares had this… something. Something that could make you feel nervous. Something that could suck you in. Something that could get you drawn into.

But… I’m comfortable.

“You look like you are having fun with this dinner. I’m glad,” he said.

Napakunot ang noo ko.

“Huh?”

“I was skeptical of pushing this dinner since Yakov isn’t here,” he said, looking straight into my eyes. “I noticed when we were in Siargao, that you looked uncomfortable around me. You looked reserved. I thought you would get bored if it’s just the two of us having dinner together.”

Nag-eeskandalo akong napatingin sa kanya.

“Are you serious?” hindi makapaniwala kong sabi. “Ako pa nga ’yung nag-aalalang baka ma-bored ka dahil ako lang ’yung salita nang salita. I was talking all about myself! About my business! I became so talkative that I forgot to think kung interesado ka ba sa mga kinukwento ko. But… you did look interested.”

“It’s because I am,” seryoso n’yang sabi. “I am interested in what you’re saying.”

I gave him a dubious look.

“Pero nag-e-enjoy ka naman ba? Hindi ka ba nabo-boring-an sa ’kin?”

I was nervous as I waited for his answer. I was scared he might say that he got bored. Ewan ko. Grabe siguro ang naging epekto sa akin ng mga sinabi ni Yakov.

I never thought that Yakov thought of me as a boring woman. That I am a boring girlfriend. Aminado naman akong hindi ko nga s’ya nasamahan sa mga trip n’ya noon so that must be why he thought of me like that. But I did try to spend time with him. Hindi ko pinapalagpas ang isang araw nang hindi kami nakakapag-usap. Even if it’s just through a call or text.

But I guess that wasn’t enough in a relationship. He was right. I didn’t know how to make a man happy.

“You don’t have to worry about me, Natalia,” sabi ni Serj na titig na titig sa mga mata ko. “I am enjoying every second. Tonight. With you.”

That gave me huge relief kasabay ng pagtibok nang malakas ng puso kong mukhang nagwawala na naman sa loob ng dibdib ko. Hindi ko alam kung dahil bago lang sa akin ang lahat. Na may nakikinig sa akin at si Serj ’yon. But… It seemed like he was affecting me even more.

Mas lalong nagiging grabe ang epekto n’ya sa akin. My heart was beating so loud and it felt like it reached my brain, if it was even possible. My face felt so hot that I knew I was blushing right now. Time also seemed to stop and all I could see was Serj.

The whole week, those days that passed ever since I had dinner with Yakov, I felt so miserable with those days. But being with Serj, being with him just this night, he seemed to make me feel better instantly.

I smiled. Pakiramdam ko ay maiiyak na naman ako. I don’t know… Feeling ko kasi, nakahanap ako ng kakampi sa kanya.

As a man of his word, hinatid nga ako ni Serj pabalik sa shop nang matapos kami sa dinner namin. He opened the car door for me. Humarap ako sa kanya para magpaalam.

“Thank you for tonight, Serj,” I said nang makababa ako. “Sobrang thank you sa pakikinig sa akin.”

He put his hands inside the pocket of his pants and looked at me. He let out a soft chuckle.

“I didn’t do that to be thanked for. ’Sides, I’m the one who enjoyed the most tonight just by listening to you.”

Napangiti na naman ako.

“Thank you pa rin,” I said. “See you sa birthday party ni Tito Charles?”

Bahagyang nagsalubong ang mga kilay n’ya pero agad ding tumango.

“You should go home now. I’ll follow your car.”

Napakurap ako sa kanya.

“Huh?” tanong kong naguguluhan.

“I’ll follow your car to make sure you’ll get home safely.”

Mabilis akong napailing.

“Oh, no! You don’t need to do that!” Ikinumpas ko pa ang mga kamay ko habang umiiling. “Okay na ko.”

Tinitigan ako ni Serj. ’Yung titig na nagsasabing hindi n’ya nagustuhan ang sinabi ko. ’Yung titig na parang nakagawa ako ng kasalanan sa kanya. The intensity doubled as he was looking seriously at me as well. Naibaba ko tuloy ang mga kamay ko.

“I asked you out tonight, Natalia, so you’re my responsibility. Let me do this. I want to see you and make sure that you’ll get home safe.”

He looked so serious that I couldn’t do anything but nod my head. Ayoko kasing tuluyan s’yang magalit sa ’kin.

I rode my car and drove home. Nakabuntot nga s’ya sa kotse ko. Every time I checked the rear view mirror, he was there. Hindi lumalayo ng distansya na para bang ayaw n’yang malayo sa paningin n’ya ang kotse ko.

Napapangiti tuloy ako habang nagmamaneho. Ano ba? Wala ba talaga akong gagawin ngayong gabi kundi ang ngumiti? Pakiramdam ko tuloy, nababaliw na ako.

All the little things Serj’s doing were making me happy. I felt pampered tonight. Pakiramdam ko ay ibinuhos sa akin ang lahat ng saya ngayong gabi pambawi sa mga nakaraang araw na masama ang loob ko.

I pulled over in front of my house and got out of my car. Ipinarada ni Serj ang kotse n’ya sa likod ng kotse ko. He got out of his car as well and approached me.

“’Ayan na. I got home safely,” sabi kong itinuro pa ang bahay ko.

Serj looked at my house. He then looked at me and his eyes were not showing any emotion.

“You’re still outside,” he said. “A lot can still happen.”

Natawa ako at napabuntong-hininga.

“There’s no winning against you, ’no?”

He gave me a smirk.

“That’s not true.”

Napangiti ako.

“Ah, oo nga pala,” sabi ko nang may maalala. “Anong Facebook mo?”

I just asked since most people these days are more active on Facebook. Kahit naman ako. I’m using Facebook messenger mostly as a mode of communication.

Para hindi na sana maulit ’yung kanina. Hiyang-hiya pa rin akong pinaghintay ko s’ya! Kung sana ay lumabas man lang ako o hindi kaya ay hindi ngayong araw ang pinili ko para magpa-late sa shop!

Serj looked confused at my question.

“I have none.”

Okay…

“How about Twitter?”

He frowned.

“What’s that?”

Hindi makapaniwalang napatingin ako sa kanya.

“Are you serious?” Seryoso ba s’ya? “Hindi mo alam kung ano ’yung Twitter?”

He shook his head. Napatitig pa talaga ako sa kanya para siguraduhing hindi s’ya nagbibiro.

He did look serious though. Plus, he didn’t look like the person who make jokes a lot. Mapang-asar, pwede pa. But it was obvious in him whenever he teases me. The smirk and the look in his eyes were mischievous.

I sighed. I took the phone from my purse and gave it to him.

“Put in your number. Para kapag naulit ’yung kanina, matatawagan mo ’ko.”

He chuckled as he took my phone. Pinanood ko s’yang ilagay ang number n’ya sa phone ko.

The light from my phone illuminated his face. He looked so handsome. Seriously handsome as he had a serious face. I never thought someone could look this good just by typing in their number on the phone.

I looked at his hand that was holding my phone. I watched his thumb move. He had a manly hand and his fingers were long. Halos sakop na ng kamay n’ya ang buong phone ko.

“Here,” sabi n’yang ibinabalik sa akin ang phone.

I took it back and decided to text him a ‘hi.’ His phone chimed as he received the text. He took it out.

“That’s my number,” I said. “Paki-save na lang po.”

He chuckled.

“Alright.”

“So… See you sa birthday ni Tito Charles?”

“Hmm? Oh.” He looked like he remembered something. “Can I take a look at your shop tomorrow? I didn’t get to see it clearly earlier since it was already closed and you turned off the lights.”

“Oh, sure!” sabi ko pero napakunot ang noo ko at itatanong na sana kung bakit gusto n’yang makita. But then, I guess he got curious with all my talks earlier.

He smirked.

“Alright. See you tomorrow.”

I smiled and nodded at him.

“See you.”

Nanatili lang akong nakatayo roon, hinihintay s’yang pumasok na ulit sa sasakyan n’ya. But he was also looking at me and he looked like he didn’t have any plans of going inside his car.

I frowned.

“What are you— Oh!” Natawa ako. “You’re waiting for me to go inside my house.”

Mas lalong lumaki ang ngisi sa mga labi n’ya.

“A lot can—”

“Still happen. Okay, okay,” pagpapatuloy ko sa sinabi n’ya pero nakangiti naman ako which made him chuckle. “Thank you again, Serj. Take care.”

He just smirked and nodded. I smiled at him one last time before I turned around. Kahit sa pagtalikod ko ay hindi nawala ang ngiti ko.

I opened the gate and before I went inside, I looked at him again. Kumaway ako sa kanya. He just nodded casually and waited for me until I finally closed the gate.

Mabilis kong inilapat ang tenga ko sa nakasaradong gate at pinakinggan ang pagkilos n’ya. Ilang sandali akong nakinig pero tahimik sa labas. I chuckled as I realized something.

He wanted me to really go inside my house.

Ganoon nga ang ginawa ko. Mabilis akong pumasok sa bahay at pinakinggan ang pagkilos n’ya sa labas. I listened as he opened and closed the car door. Hinintay ko hanggang sa marinig kong makaalis na ang kotse n’ya.

Ngiting-ngiti akong umakyat sa kwarto ko. Hindi pa rin naaalis ang nararamdaman ko kanina. I sat on my bed and took out my phone.

I was still feeling happy with everything that happened tonight that even if I read my mom’s text today, asking if Yakov and I were finally okay, I didn’t feel sad. Mas lalo na nang makitang kong may na-recieve akong reply mula kay Serj.

Serj:

Hi.

Grabe ang naging tawa ko. I don’t know! It was one word, two letters with a period but I was laughing so hard. Napahiga pa ako sa kama at napatitig sa ini-reply n’ya.

It was so simple. It even sounded serious I could almost hear his serious voice saying that.

Dumapa ako sa kama at nag-type ng reply para sa kanya.

Me:

Goodnight, Serj.

I buried my face on the bed. Ilang sandali nang marinig kong tumunog ang phone ko. Mabilis kong binasa ang reply n’ya.

Serj:

Sleep well, Natalia.

And again, for a hundred times tonight, I smiled.

Chapter 14

Magaan ang pakiramdam ko nang magising ako nang umagang iyon. I’ve never felt so refreshed like this for such a long time. Hindi ko na nga rin matandaan kung kailan huling gumaan ng ganito ang pakiramdam ko. I guess last night still had its effects on me.

Naalala ko tuloy ang mga nangyari kagabi at automatic ang ngiting nagpakita sa mga labi ko.

Damn it… Nababaliw na nga siguro talaga ako. Ngiti ako nang ngiti kahit ako lang namang mag-isa.

I stretched my body and took my phone that was on the nightstand to check for any messages. I saw that there was a notification from Facebook. Agad akong napabangon at pinindot ang notification na ’yon para siguruhing tama ang nakikita ko at hindi lang ako nananaginip. Nawala na rin naman agad ang antok ko.

I waited for Facebook to load.  And then I saw it.

Sergei Alexandrovich Romanov sent a friend request.

I laughed so hard! Ang lakas nang naging tawa ko at hindi ko na iyon napigilan. Sa sobrang lakas ng pagtawa ko ay sumakit pa ang tyan ko!

I lay on the bed again, trying to calm down. But when I looked at that notification again, I threw another fit.

“Oh, my God…” Natatawa kong sabi at pinunasan pa ang luhang nasa gilid ng mga mata ko dahil sa sobrang pagtawa.

I took a deep breath. Nakangiting kong pinuntahan ang profile n’ya. Halatang kagagawa lang. It didn’t even have a cover photo and the display photo that he used was his hand gripping the steering wheel of his car.

It was his hand; I was sure of it as his silver watch could be seen. His manly hand with long fingers. I noticed his veins as he gripped the wheel.

I smiled and accepted his friend request. Tumayo na ako at nagsimula nang maghanda para sa araw na ’yon.

Hindi ko inakalang gagawa s’ya ng Facebook account n’ya. I mean, it was understandable that he doesn’t have one, or that he didn’t even know about Twitter. I couldn’t imagine him scrolling through those, reading updates of other people’s lives.

Was it because I asked him last night?

Napailing ako. That was impossible. Ang taas naman yata ng tingin ko sa sarili ko para maisipan na gumawa s’ya ng account dahil sa akin.

But still… It was surprising.

I couldn’t help my chuckle.

Huh… I never would’ve thought that he also has a cute side.

Hindi pa rin ako maka-recover sa paggawa ni Serj ng Facebook account kaya nang dumating s’ya sa shop ay iyon agad ang ibinungad ko sa kanya. It was almost lunch time when he arrived.

“You created a Facebook account?” I asked with a wide smile on my face as he approached me at the counter.

He chuckled. Napatitig ako sa kanya.

Huh… What a nice way to greet me with that sexy chuckle.

“You saw it?” he asked. He was standing in front of me. Ang batong marmol ng counter na hanggang dibdib ko ang nakapagitan lang sa amin.

Natawa ako bago tumango.

“Sorry. Natawa talaga ’ko kanina nu’ng makita ko ’yung request mo.”

He scoffed.

“It’s okay. I thought it was pretty funny as well.”

“You gave me a pretty good laugh this morning though,” I admitted.

Napataas ang isang kilay n’ya.

“Hmm? Really?”

He leaned on the counter. Ipinatong n’ya ang isang siko n’ya roon. He then stared at me.

“You think I’m funny?”

Pigil ang naging ngiti ko. It was obvious that he was teasing me again. He was challenging me.

Huh… Okay.

I crossed my arms over my chest. I tilted my head back a bit to let him know that I’m not backing out of his challenge.

“What if I am?” Nakataas ang isang kilay kong tanong.

He squinted his eyes at me. Ginaya ko s’ya pero pigil na pigil ang ngiti ko. Sinubukan kong gawing seryoso ang mukha ko habang nakatitig s’ya sa akin. And I stared back at him too. He raised an eyebrow at me, waiting for me to say something but I didn’t give him any.

I didn’t know why but I am enjoying this.

I heard a clang kaya naputol ang pagtitig ko kay Serj. Sinundan ko ng tingin kung saan nanggaling ang tunog at nakita ko si Millie na may pinupulot sa sahig. Mukhang nabitiwan ang hawak na steel hanger. Hindi yata makapagtrabaho nang maayos dahil sa panonood kay Serj.

She looked at me. Nagsalubong ang mga tingin namin and I recognized the look that was in her eyes.

“Ang gwapo, ma’am,” she mouthed.

Halos matawa ako roon.

“I know,” I mouthed back at her.

I saw Millie giggle. Napatingin ulit ako kay Serj at nakitang nakatitig s’ya sa akin. He looked confused. Nginitian ko lang s’ya but I guess he got suspicious with my smile. Nilingon n’ya rin si Millie na agad bumalik sa ginagawa na parang hindi lang nakatitig kanina.

Hindi ko na napigilan ang tawa ko dahil kay Serj. Muli s’yang napatingin sa akin. I bit my lower lip, trying to stop my laugh. Baka sabihin na pinagtatawanan ko s’ya kahit totoo naman talaga.

I don’t know. He was so cute! Mukha s’yang nagtataka kung bakit nagtitinginan kami ni Millie kanina!

“You’re making fun of me,” he accused but there was a playful look in his eyes. Mukhang hindi naman naiinis.

Mabilis akong umiling. It was so hard trying not to laugh!

“Hindi, ah!” I said. “So? Want to look around my shop?”

He gave me a smirk as his answer. ’Yan na naman ’yung ngising n’yang hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong kabahan sa tuwing nakikita ko iyon. Every time he smirked, it felt like there was something that he knew and the only way I could know it too was to surrender myself to him. To do all the things he wanted me to do.

And then I realized, he could easily make people bow to him.

“Maliit lang naman ang shop ko. You can easily see everything from him,” sabi ko nang makaikot palabas ng counter para tabihan s’ya. He stood straight and our height difference was so obvious.

Ang tangkad n’ya talaga. Palagi akong nakatingala kapag kinakausap s’ya. And then when he was teasing me, he would crouch down a bit, trying to level our eyes. Bahagyang nagkakalapit ang mga mukha namin kapag ginagawa n’ya ’yon.

Serj started to walk around the shop. Mukhang hindi yata makukuntento kung titignan lang ang kabuuan mula sa counter. I followed him as he looked around.

It was only him, not some inspector or anything, but I felt nervous. I was even trying to get myself ready in case he’ll say something… that wasn’t nice.

I waited for him to speak. Pero tahimik lang s’ya habang nag-iikot-ikot. Nahuli ko pa ang tingin nina Millie at Andrea sa amin. Mukhang kahit sila rin ay kinakabahan sa sasabihin ni Serj. Or… They just looked nervous as Serj was just really intimidating.

He had his hands inside the side pockets of his pants as he casually looked around. Even his stance alone was already intimidating. He looked like he was someone important. Parang dapat galangin ng lahat. Kaya naman mas lalo lang tuloy akong kinakabahan.

“Your shop’s pretty amazing,” he finally said. “The interiors are good.”

Napangiti ako.

“Really?”

Serj must’ve liked earth colors. Kahit ’yung restaurant na pinuntahan kasi namin kagabi ay may ganoon ding interior.

“It suits your designs,” he said.

Mas lalong lumawak ang ngiti ko.

“This shop has that theme! ’Yung sa isang branch kasi, mga pastel colors naman.”

He looked at me.

“Then the third one would have a different theme as well?” he asked.

Napatango ulit ako.

He remembered that it would be the third branch! He remembered everything I said! I’m so happy!

Serj walked around again. Sinundan ko s’ya. He stopped at the racks full of suits.

“You’re making suits too?” tanong n’yang napatingin sa akin.

Tumango ako at tinabihan s’ya. Hinawakan ko ang isang suit na nandoon.

“I just tried it recently.”

Napatingin ako kay Serj. He tilted his head to the side as he looked at me.

“Can you make one for me then?”

Pinigilan ko ang mapangiti.

“Why not?”

He chuckled. Napatingin s’ya sa racks. Hindi ko naman inalis ang tingin ko sa kanya dahil gusto kong makita ang reaksyon n’ya. He looked like he was fighting back with a smile too. He looked at me, biting his lower lip. Pinakawalan n’ya ’yon at hindi na napigilan ang ngisi.

“I’ll take your word for it.”

Natawa ako nang mahina. Gosh… What am I doing? I am having so much fun talking with him!

Napatingin ulit ako kay Serj at napansing may tinitignan s’ya. He was looking at something and I just couldn’t pinpoint what it was. He was even frowning a little.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. Nawala na rin ang ngiti ko.

I got nervous. What is it? Is there something wrong with my shop? May mali ba s’yang nakita? May nakita ba s’yang hindi n’ya nagustuhan? Or is it my design?

Nawala ang kaninang nararamdaman ko at napalitan ng kaba… At takot. Will he get disappointed? Is he already disappointed? Ano ba kasing nakita n’ya?

Tama ba si Mommy? Dapat ko bang palitan ang interiors?

Serj looked at me. I was looking at him, waiting for whatever he would say. Kabang-kaba ako habang nakatingin sa kanya.

When he noticed my worries, he sighed and shook his head. One of the sides of my lips rose slightly, giving me a side smile. It was a little move that I hardly even noticed it. But the kind look in his eyes said it all.

“Nothing. Your shop is perfect,” he said. “I was just trying to remember something.”

Nakahinga ako nang maluwag dahil doon. That scared me. Ang akala ko… may nakita rin s’yang mali. I don’t know but I didn’t want him to get disappointed in me too. Not him. S’ya lang ang pakiramdam kong kakampi ko.

I smiled out of relief. Napatitig s’ya sa akin. I noticed his hand went up. I tensed up as I waited for what he would do. Nakatingin lang din ako sa kanya, inaabangan ang gagawin n’ya.

His hand reached for my hair. He touched the end of some strands ever so lightly that I barely felt it.

“So perfect,” he whispered with a hoarse voice. He was looking straight into my eyes.

My breathing hitched. Hindi ko magawang alisin ang mga titig ko sa kanya. I was just looking at him. He was all I could see.

Napaawang ang mga labi ko dahil hindi sapat ang hangin na nakukuha ko. Nakalimutan ko na nga yata kung paano ang huminga. It felt like Serj was taking all the air out of my body.

I could feel my heart beating so fast. I was just staring at him, feeling the ticklish sensation on my scalp as he twisted lightly some strands of my hair with his thumb and forefinger.

I saw how his eyes went down to my parted lips. There was a new emotion I saw dance in his eyes. Ice cold blue now seemed so hot.

I suddenly remembered the fact that blue fire is the hottest flame. And seeing Serj’s eyes now made me understand that.

I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I couldn’t get away from him. My body felt so hot. The air around us felt so hot that it was making it even harder for me to breathe. He was only touching the ends of some strands of my hair but… I could feel it in my entire body.

I heard the sound of the wind chime as someone entered the shop pero hindi ko pa rin magawang alisin ang tingin ko kay Serj. He was staring back at me too. There was… something with his stares I couldn’t get away from.

“Kuya!”

That seemed to break the spell. Para akong biglang binuhusan ng malamig na tubig nang marinig ang boses na ’yon. I felt like I got caught in doing something bad.

I must’ve looked so horrified as I saw Serj’s expression change. The emotions in his eyes that were just there earlier vanished. He looked so cold now. He looked like he was mad. His jaw clenched. Ibinaba na rin n’ya ang kamay n’yang nakahawak sa buhok ko.

I blinked. Napatingin kaagad ako kay Yakov na papalapit sa amin.

“Yakov…”

“You’re both here!” sabi n’ya nang makalapit sa amin. Nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin n’ya sa aming dalawa ng kapatid n’ya bago tumigil iyon kay Serj. “Mom said you’re here. Hindi kita nakita kahapon kaya pinuntahan na kita dito.”

Yakov looked so casual as he talked with his brother. He didn’t seem like he noticed something earlier. I wasn’t even sure if there was a need to notice anything but… I felt relieved.

Still, I didn’t know but there was guilt in me. I felt like I had just done something wrong.

I stole a glance at Serj. He was still looking at me. Hindi ko alam kung gaano na s’ya katagal na nakatitig lang sa akin, or if he even took his eyes off me ever since Yakov arrived.

I panicked. It was good that Yakov seemed not to notice anything but if Serj will continue to act like this, magtataka si Yakov. Yakov knew that Serj and I weren’t close. Ngayon pa nga lang nandito s’ya sa shop ko ay alam kong magtataka na si Yakov but it was a good thing he was not saying anything.

I looked Serj in the eyes, almost pleading with my look to take his eyes off me. He seemed to understand the look I was giving him. I noticed his jaw clenched before he finally looked at Yakov.

“You weren’t there yesterday,” he said without any emotion in his eyes.

“I was busy!” Yakov reasoned out. “Pero okay na. I have free time today so why don’t we have lunch at house? Gutom na rin ako.”

Serj looked at me. Nagulat pa ako sa biglang pagtingin n’ya.

“You’ll come with us?” he asked.

Hindi ako makasagot. Hindi ko rin naman alam ang sagot sa tanong n’ya. It seemed to me like Yakov was inviting only him.

“Sumama ka na, Nat!” sabi ni Yakov bago pa ako makapagsalita.

I looked at him and he was smiling at me. That got me so confused as I remembered what happened the last time we saw each other.

He was so mad at me back then! Galit s’ya no’n. Galit din naman ako lalo pa at nasaktan ako sa mga pinagsasabi n’ya sa akin.

But looking at his smile now, parang nakalimutan n’ya ang nangyari noon.

“Sama ka na,” he said again. “Tapos doon na rin tayo mag-dinner.”

I guess… We’re okay now?

But… hindi man lang ba namin pag-uusapan ang tungkol doon? That was the biggest fight we ever had in our relationship.

I sighed and nodded. I gave him a little smile.

“Okay.”

“Great!” Yakov exclaimed, even smiling widely. “Sasabihan ko lang si mommy.”

Yakov took out his phone to text Tita Tessa. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang bigat ng titig sa akin ni Serj. Sinubukan kong tumingin sa kanya kahit na kinakabahan ako.

His hands were now inside the pockets of his pants. Naalala ko ang nangyari kanina. It seemed to me that he was hiding his hands so he wouldn’t do what he had just done earlier.

He was coolly looking at me. The look he was giving me told me that I just did something and he didn’t like it. And he was now thinking about what he would do with me.

I gave him a reluctant smile. Sana… hindi s’ya magalit sa akin.

“Nakapagluto na raw si Mommy. Pwede na raw tayong pumunta,” sabi ni Yakov na itinatago na ang phone sa bulsa.

“Okay.” Binalingan ko sina Millie at Andrea na nagkunwari pang hindi kami pinapanood. “Millie, Andrea, kayo na ang bahala sa shop. Hindi na ’ko makakabalik ngayong araw.”

Agad ang pagtango nilang dalawa.

“Okay po, ma’am! Enjoy po!”

Halos mapangiti ako roon. Why do their words seem to have a double meaning?

We went out of the shop. Nauna si Yakov sa paglabas at nakasunod ako sa kanya. He didn’t even wait for me to go out. Binitiwan n’ya agad ang pinto and it was Serj who held the door for me. Pinigilan n’ya ang pagsara ng pinto sa akin habang nasa likuran ko.

“Fuck,” he hissed.

Napatingin ako sa kanya. He was glaring at something outside pero nang mapatingin sa akin ay nawala ang inis sa mga mata n’ya.

“Thanks,” I said.

He sighed and just nodded.

Nang makalabas na ako ay napatigil pa ako. Hindi ko kasi alam kung kaninong sasakyan sasakay. Nakita ko rin kasi si Yakov na pasakay na sa kotse n’ya.

Should I use my car? Pero ano ’yon? Tatlo kami at galing sa iisang lugar pero magkakahiwalay ng sasakyang gagamitin?

“Nat, halika na!” tawag sa akin ni Yakov na nakabukas na ang pinto sa driver side. Handa nang sumakay at hinihintay na lang ako.

Okay… I guess I’ll be riding with Yakov.

Hinanap ng mga mata ko si Serj. He was looking at me as he stood beside his car. He looked serious. Binigyan ko s’ya ng tipid na ngiti bago lumapit sa sasakyan ni Yakov at sumakay na. Yakov started the car and drove away.

Hindi ako nagsasalita habang nasa sasakyan. Hindi ko rin naman alam ang sasabihin ko. I was just looking outside the window.

It felt so awkward. Hindi mapakali ang mga paa ko na para bang gusto na lang lumabas agad sa sasakyan. I was even wishing that the ride wouldn’t take too long.

I didn’t know if I should start a conversation. Hindi ko pa rin kasi sigurado kung ayos na ba talaga kami. At kung oo, ano naman ang pag-uusapan namin?

“How are you?”

Mabilis akong napatingin kay Yakov nang magsalita s’ya. Nakakagulat! Hindi ko akalain na s’ya ang unang magsasalita sa aming dalawa!

He glanced at me. There was a reluctant smile on his lips and I realized that he must’ve felt the awkwardness in the air too.

“It’s been a while,” sabi pa n’yang mukhang naiilang.

I sighed and nodded.

“I’m good. Ikaw?”

“I’m good too. Medyo hindi na busy at nagkakaroon na ng oras.” He let out an awkward chuckle.

“That’s good to hear,” nasabi ko na lang.

Muli kaming natahimik na dalawa. Kailangan ko bang dugtungan ang sinabi ko? Ako naman ba ang dapat na magtanong ngayon so the conversation would keep going on?

But it was not my turn to speak. I already said something. Na kay Yakov na kung gustuhin n’ya pang magpatuloy ang usapan o matapos na roon.

“I’m sorry, Nat…”

That shocked me. Mabilis ulit akong napatingin sa kanya at tinitigan s’ya. Sinisiguro kung si Yakov nga ang kaharap ko.

“I’ve said mean and hurtful things to you last time,” he said. “I just got… pissed when you made it seem like I was good for nothing without you. Still, I shouldn’t have said those words. I’m sorry.”

Si Yakov ba talaga ’to?

He was immature. He never admitted his mistake. He would never apologize first. Hindi ko akalain na gagawin n’ya ’to kaya hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko ngayon. This isn’t included in one of the scenarios I thought on the day we would meet again.

I got hurt by what he said back then. Mas lalo pang naging masakit iyon dahil simula pagkabata ay magkasama na kami. I felt so betrayed. So hurt. Naisip ko kung ganoon ba talaga ang nararamdaman n’ya at hindi lang sinasabi sa akin.

I know that nothing would ever take the hurt I’ve felt but still… He admitted his mistakes. He apologized. And that’s enough for me.

“Napasobra rin naman ako noon, Yakov. I’m sorry too.”

“Mas napasobra ako,” he insisted. “I wanted to apologize to you noon pa pero, nauunahan ako ng hiya… at takot. Kaya tumagal ng ganito. Sorry.”

“It’s okay… At least you still apologized. Better late than never.”

He looked at me.

“So… Are we okay now?”

I smiled at him.

“I guess…”

Yakov let out a chuckle out of relief.

“That’s good… Na-miss ko ’yung girlfriend ko.”

Natawa ako.

“Hindi na rin ako kukulitin ni mommy na makipag-ayos sa ’yo.”

“Kinukulit ka n’ya?”

“Hm.” Tumango ako. “Alam mo naman ’yon si mommy…”

“Pushover,” pagpapatuloy n’ya sa sinabi ko.

He looked at me. Napatingin din ako sa kanya. Pagkatapos ay sabay kaming natawa.

Naramdaman ko ang paggaan ng pakiramdam ko. I could still feel the slight awkwardness between us but at least… We’re okay now.

Chapter 15

Ipinara ni Yakov ang sasakyan sa harap ng bahay nila nang makarating kami. He opened the car door for me. Saktong pagbaba ko naman ay ang pagparada rin ng kotseng minamaneho ni Serj sa likod lang ng kay Yakov. Pareho namin s’yang hinintay na makababa para sabay-sabay na kaming pumasok.

Sinalubong agad kami ni Tita Tessa pagpasok pa lang namin.

“Natalia, hija!” She looked so happy when she saw me and kissed me on the cheeks. “It’s been a while. Ang huli kong kita sa iyo ay nu’ng sa Siargao pa.”

I smiled at her.

“Pasensya na kayo, tita, kung hindi ako masyadong nakakadalaw.”

“Oh, no, it’s okay… I know you’re busy with your shop. I just hope na nadadalaw ka man lang nitong si Yakov.”

Hindi ako nagsalita at nanatiling nakangiti lang kay Tita Tessa. I couldn’t and wouldn’t tell her the truth. Hindi ko gustong sabihin na matagal kaming hindi nagkita ni Yakov, na ngayon nga lang din kami nagkita, dahil sa naging pagtatalo namin.

It was our problem. The most serious problem we’ve ever had in our relationship.

Isa pa, nagkaayos na rin naman kami ni Yakov.

Nasalubong ko ang tingin sa akin ni Yakov. He was probably thinking that I would tell Tita Tessa about what happened. Gaya na lang nang pagsasabi ko noon na madalas s’yang nali-late sa mga usapan namin kaya isang beses ay napagsabihan din s’ya ni Tita Tessa.

But this one, I’ll keep this one between us.

I just smiled at Yakov. He looked relieved when he saw me smiling at him. He smiled and continued walking further into the house.

“Mamayang dinner pa makakasabay sa atin ang daddy mo, Yakov, kaya tayo lang muna ang kakain,” sabi ni Tita Tessa nang makarating kami sa dining area ng bahay nila.

“But I have his car,” Serj said. Napatingin si Tita Tessa sa kanya at ngumiti.

“Don’t worry. He’s commuting din naman sometime to observe and check the place so this is a good opportunity for him.”

Tumango lang si Serj at wala man lang sinabi. I’ve noticed before that he doesn’t show expressions often. He always had a stoic face. Nagbago nga lang ang tingin kong iyon nang medyo napapadalas na ang pakikipag-usap ko sa kanya.

But when Serj was talking with Tita Tessa, he didn’t have any emotion on his face. At all. Like he was just talking with someone and not with his mother.

Hindi rin naman madaling mawawala agad ang sama ng loob n’ya sa ina n’ya kaya kahit papaano ay naiintindihan ko kung bakit ganoon s’ya kay Tita Tessa. Wala akong ideya kung anong mga pinagdaanan n’ya habang lumalaking walang ina.

But at least, he was still willing to give her a chance. And that says so much about him.

I was actually starting to admire him. What he was doing, giving a chance to his mother even after she left him, I know it was hard for him. Ako ngang kasama ko ang parents ko ay hindi ko na naiiwasang sumama ang loob ko sa kanila kung minsan. Paano pa kaya si Serj?

We all sat down at the dinner table and started eating. Bakante ang upuan na para kay Tito Charles. Si Tita Tessa at Yakov lang ang madalas na nagsasalita. Samantalang kami ni Serj ay tahimik lang at nagsasalita lang kapag kailangan o kapag tinatanong.

I still felt awkward with Yakov who was acting normally. Hindi ko tuloy alam kung masyado lang ba akong sensitive. I should get over it, right?

But… Do I really need to do that? To get over it like nothing happened ’cause he already apologize naman and we’re okay now?

Siguro nga nagkaayos na kami. I accepted his apology. But… The pain is still here. Nagkalamat na ang pinagsamahan namin dahil sa nangyari.

“Natalia, can you help me cook our dinner later?” tanong ni Tita Tessa kaya napalingon ako sa kanya.

I smiled at her and nodded.

“Of course, tita. I would love to help you.”

“Anong lulutuin n’yo?” tanong ni Yakov.

“Ano bang gusto n’yo?” balik tanong ni Tita Tessa na tumingin kay Serj. “Serj, may gusto ka bang ipaluto?”

Napatigil s’ya sa pagkain. I saw him glance at me before he looked at his mom.

“Nothing for now,” maikli n’yang sagot.

“Baka may gusto kang food for dinner later,” pagsusubok ulit ni Tita Tessa na halatang gustong ipagluto ang anak.

“I’ll eat anything you’ll prepare.”

Napalabi ako. He was so cold towards his mother that I’m starting to feel bad for Tita Tessa. She was smiling but I saw the hurt in her eyes that she was trying to hide.

“Basta ’wag lang shellfish?” nakataas ang kilay na tanong ko kay Serj. I was trying to lighten up the situation.

He looked at me. I saw the ghost smile that was playing on his lips.

“Yeah…”

“Okay.” Tumango pa ako. “Kami nang bahala.”

Rinig ko ang mahinang pagtawa ni Serj. It was just a soft chuckle and I was the only one who probably heard it ’cause when I looked at Tita Tessa, she was smiling at me. She looked grateful.

Nang matapos kami sa pagkain ay nagyaya si Yakov na manood kami ng movie. He browsed movies on Netflix for a while before he chose an action movie. Nakita kong halos tatlong oras din ang movie na ’yon pero nakinood na rin ako. I also like those kinds of movies anyway.

Yakov and Serj were sometimes talking during the movie. As a son of the Chief of PNP, Yakov knew almost all of the guns that were used in the movie. Hindi na rin ako nagtaka kung bakit.

What really amazed me was Serj. Mukhang mas marami pa s’yang alam tungkol sa firearms kaysa kay Yakov that Yakov was even asking him sometimes.

Ako naman ay nakikinig lang sa kanila. Kapag masyadong komplikado na ang pinag-uusapan nila at hindi ko na talaga maintindihan ay nagfo-focus na lang ako sa panonood.

Boys and their guns…

Nang matapos ang palabas ay may pinili pa ulit si Yakov na panibagong movie. It was until the second half that Tita Tessa called me from the kitchen. Mukhang magsisimula na siguro kaming magluto. I stood up and went to the kitchen.

“Oh, okay lang ba, Nat? Pwede namang tapusin mo muna ’yung movie kung gusto mo,” sabi ni Tita Tessa na mukhang nahiya dahil naputol ang panonood ko.

I smiled at her and shook my head. Lumapit ako sa kitchen island kung saan nakapatong ang mga ingredients at tinulungan s’ya sa pag-aayos.

“It’s okay, Tita. Mas nag-e-enjoy naman ’yung dalawa sa panonood.”

Pumunta ako sa sink para maghugas ng kamay. Tita Tessa handed me an apron.

“Naiintindihan mo naman ang pinag-uusapan nila?” she asked.

I chuckled as I put on the apron.

“Hindi nga, tita, eh. Puro about sa baril pinag-uusapan nila.”

“Naku, ’pag ganyan sina Yakov at Tito Charles mo kapag nanonood kami, pinapatahimik ko! Usap nang usap. Wala nang naintindihan sa palabas.”

Pareho kaming natawa.

“Ano palang lulutuin natin, tita?” tanong ko kahit na sa mga ingredients pa lang na nakikita ko ay may ideya na ako.

“Sinigang na baboy. Gusto kong ipa-try kay Serj.”

Napakunot-noo ako.

“Hindi pa raw ba s’ya nakakakain ng sinigang?”

“Ang totoo, hindi ko alam.” Nakita ko ang lungkot sa mga ngiti ni Tita Tessa na nagsisimula nang tanggalin isa-isa ang mga dahon ng kangkong. “Pero nu’ng nasa Russia ako, walang sinigang du’n.”

“Hindi n’yo tinanong si Serj, tita?”

Malungkot s’yang umiling.

“Sinusubukan ko namang kausapin s’ya pero ramdam ko pa rin ang pagkailang ni Serj sa akin. Inuunti-unti ko na lang muna. Ayoko namang mabigla s’ya kapag napasobra ako.”

Napabuntong-hininga ako. Ang akala ko ay nagkaroon ng kaunting pagbabago man lang simula nang makauwi kami galing sa Siargao. It took them years before Serj finally decided to accept their invitation to visit here. Kaya nang bumalik s’ya agad para sa birthday ni Tito Charles ay akala ko ay nagkalapit na rin silang mag-ina kahit kaunti.

But looking at Serj, I could tell that nothing has changed. I felt sad for Tita Tessa but… I understand Serj. Hindi madali ang ginawa n’yang pagbibigay ng chance.

Just like I was with Yakov. Once people have hurt you, it would be so hard to forgive them especially if they’re the ones you trusted, or if they’re the ones who were supposed to protect you and understand you but ended up hurting you instead. Giving them a chance to redeem themselves doesn’t mean that the pain they’ve inflicted would be gone. It would take years before that would happen so forgiving and giving second chances are never easy things.

“Serj is kind, tita…” I said. Hindi ko pa man ganoong kakilala nang lubos si Serj pero may pakiramdam akong hindi s’ya isang masamang tao. “He’s willing to give you a chance kaya I’m sure darating din ’yung time na magbubunga ang mga effort n’yo.”

She seemed hopeful as she smiled at me.

“Sana nga, hija.”

Nagsimula na rin kaming magluto. Magkaharap kami ni Tita Tessa sa countertop at may kanya-kanya ginagawa. It was my part to cut the ingredients. Habang si Tita Tessa ay abala pa rin sa kangkong. I was busy cutting the okra when Serj entered the kitchen.

“O’, Serj.” Si Tita Tessa ang unang nakapansin sa kanya. “Gutom ka na ba?”

I saw Serj’s eyes scanned the ingredients that were on the granite top. Nakatingin lang ako sa kanya kaya nagsalubong ang mga mata namin nang sa huli ay ako naman ang tignan n’ya.

“I just want to watch,” he said.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Tita Tessa. We probably mirrored each other’s expressions as we were both confused why he was here. Mas nagulat pa ako nang lumapit sa akin si Serj. Sumandal s’ya patalikod sa countertop at pinanood ang ginagawa kong paghihiwa. He even crossed his arms over his chest and looked comfortable like he really was planning to watch me all the way.

Pareho man kaming nagtataka ni Tita Tessa ay hinayaan na lang namin s’ya. Tita Tessa even looked happy na parang hindi s’ya iniiwasan ni Serj.

I didn’t know if I should move away. He was only a step away from me at magtatama ang mga braso namin kapag hindi ako nag-ingat. Hindi ko tuloy alam kung paanong paghihiwa ang gagawin ko. 

“Tapos na ’yung movie?” I asked.

“Yeah… Though Yakov played another one.”

“Ayaw mo nang manood?” Tita Tessa asked. Bahagya lang s’yang nilingon ni Serj dahil nakatalikod s’ya sa gawi n’ya.

He nodded.

“My eyes got tired looking at the screen.”

Huh? But he wanted to watch us cooking?

“Why don’t you rest for a bit? Tawagin ka na lang namin kapag luto na,” Tita Tessa offered.

“It’s okay. I wanna see what you’re going to cook.”

“Oh, it’s sinigang!” excited kong sabi. “Have you tried it before?”

The way his eyebrows creased as his eyes squinted a bit was so adorable. Like he really didn’t know what I was talking about.

“No… But I heard it’s one of the famous Filipino dishes,” he said.

“Hm!” I nodded. “Actually, favorite ko ’to. Lalo na kapag sobrang asim ng sabaw.” I even emphasized the word ‘sobrang.’

“I’m sorry, what’s sabaw?”

Natawa ako.

“It’s soup.” Napatitig ako sa kanya nang may maalala. “Ay, are you okay with sour foods ba?”

“Yeah…” He nodded.

Napatingin ako sa hinihiwa ko bago muling tumingin sa kanya.

“How about okra?”

Serj also looked at the okra I was about to slice. He looked like he was trying not to smile when he looked at me again.

“Natalia, the only food I don’t and can’t eat are shellfish.”

Napalabi ako.

“I’m just asking since a lot of people don’t really like okra.”

He smirked at me.

“I’m not one of them. I already can’t eat shellfish and I’m not planning to add more,” he said as he shrugged his shoulders.

Gumalaw s’ya at napasunod ang tingin ko sa kamay n’yang parang may gustong abutin. Tumama kasi ang braso n’ya sa braso ko. I watched as he reached for the sliced tomato that was on the mini bowl. Pinanood ko s’ya at nagulat pa nang kainin n’ya ’yon.

“Hey!” reklamo kong nahuli na dahil nginunguya na n’ya ang kamatis sa bibig n’ya.

“What?”

“Iluluto ’yan!”

He just chuckled. Inulit pa n’ya ang ginawa n’ya kanina at muling kumuha ng kamatis at kinain iyon.

“Serj!”

Napasimangot ako nang tawanan n’ya lang ako. Naiinis na kumuha na lang ako ng panibagong kamatis para sana hiwain ulit iyon. But when Serj was about to reach for another sliced tomato, sinaway ko na.

“Serj naman!”

He let out a soft chuckle before he smirked.

“It’s good. Try it.”

Mas napasimangot lang ako sa kanya.

“Alam ko kung anong lasa ng kamatis na hindi luto.”

Mas lumawak ang ngisi sa mga labi n’ya. Parang mas natutuwa pang nagugulo n’ya ako sa ginagawa ko.

“C’mon. Just eat it.”

Inilapit pa ni Serj ang hawak n’yang kamatis sa bibig ko. I looked at him, almost glaring at him but he didn’t budge. He was looking at me with a smirk on his lips but the look in his eyes told me that it was a challenge. And he knew that I wouldn’t back out.

Mukha rin namang hindi s’ya titigil kapag hindi ko ginawa ang gusto n’ya.

I opened my mouth a bit. Mas inilapit ni Serj ang kamatis sa bibig ko. He fed me the tomato. I shivered when I felt his thumb on my lips that I almost forgot how to breathe. The sensation of his finger grazing my lower lip traveled to my whole body. It was so nerve-wracking that I couldn’t do anything but stare at him.

Mas lalong lumawak ang ngisi sa mga labi ni Serj. He looked satisfied.

“Good girl…”

Hindi ko na nagawang alisin ang tingin ko sa kanya. That look in his eyes was so wicked. It was telling me that I just fell right into his trap and he was satisfied. And that he was not planning to let me escape anymore.

“I didn’t know that you two are this close.”

Pareho pa kaming napatingin ni Serj kay Tita Tessa nang magsalita s’ya. To be honest, I kinda forgot that she was there. Ang buong atensyon ko ay nakuha ni Serj. It was like he had a skill na kaya n’yang kunin ang buong atensyon ng kahit sino. That he would be the only one they could think about.

The look I saw in Tita Tessa was mixed with envy… and worry. She was trying to smile to make it seem that there was nothing wrong. Pero nakita ko ang pag-aalinlangan sa ngiti n’ya.

Why…? Why is there a worried look on her face? There was nothing to get worried about.

Pero… wala nga ba?

That was what I also thought at first, right? I knew that it was bad as soon as I saw Serj. That it was bad whatever I was feeling whenever I look at him.

That feeling was still here but the only difference this time was I am now comfortable with it. I am now comfortable with Serj. I enjoy talking with him. I enjoy being with him.

Is there really nothing to worry about?

“Hindi naman, tita…” sinubukan kong sabihin but even with that, it felt like I wasn’t telling the truth.

“Well…” Tita Tessa let out an awkward laugh. “It’s not weird. Nagkasama naman kayo sa Siargao. I’m honestly happy that Serj found a new friend in you. Nagulat lang talaga ako na sobrang nagkakasundo pala kayo.”

Hindi ko na napigilan ang mapatingin kay Serj dahil panay ang sulyap ni Tita Tessa sa kanya habang nagsasalita. I found him staring at me intently. Like he was trying to read what was on my mind. Like he was watching my reactions and he didn’t like it.

Why? What expression am I wearing right now?

He looked… pissed.

“I think I’ll just join Yakov again,” sabi ni Serj na hindi na inalis ang tingin sa akin.

Mukhang nataranta naman si Tita Tessa.

“Oh, I didn’t mean anything—”

“Just call us if the food’s ready,” sabi ni Serj at lumabas na ng kusina para samahan ulit si Yakov sa panonood.

“Nat,” tawag sa akin ni Tita Tessa nang makaalis si Serj. She looked worried. “I didn’t mean anything by that. Na-offend ba ang anak ko?”

Huh… Na-offend… Did Serj look offended?

I don’t think so.  If anything, he looked annoyed.

Why?

“Hindi naman siguro, Tita,” sabi ko na lang dahil hindi ko rin alam.

She sighed.

“I wanted to make it up to him but it seems like I’m just failing every time I try.”

“Tita… Serj is still here. He’s giving you a chance. That means that there’s a part of him that wanted you in his life too. Kaya ’wag po kayong panghinaan ng loob.”

Mukha namang gumaan ang pakiramdam ni Tita Tessa dahil sa sinabi ko. We continued cooking again. Habang ako naman ay hindi na nawala ang mga iniisip ko kanina lang.

Is it really bad now that I’m comfortable with Serj? Dapat nga bang may ipag-alala si Tita Tessa? Ano naman ’yon? Anong dapat n’yang ipag-alala?

Anong dapat kong ipag-alala?

If only… If only I didn’t have a boyfriend…

Napatigil ako.

What in the hell am I thinking? Bakit napunta sa ganoon ang iniisip ko? What does anything even have to do with me having a boyfriend? It’s not like I’m having feelings with Serj!

Wait… This is bad. I shouldn’t think like that. I should stop thinking like this.

Dumating si Tito Charles nang malapit na rin kaming matapos sa pagluluto. Halos sakto lang din para makapagbihis s’ya ng pambahay dahil nakauniporme pa s’ya.

I was always amazed whenever I’m seeing Tito Charles in his uniform. He looked respectable kasi. And he looked cool too. Kaya naman proud na proud si Yakov sa daddy n’ya.

Tinulungan ko si Tita Tessa sa paghahanda ng lamesa nang matapos kaming makapagluto. In no time, we were all sitting at the dining table. Sabay-sabay kaming kumain.

“It feels like we’re back in Siargao. We’re having a meal together like this again,” sabi ni Tita Tessa na mukhang masaya na.

“Mabuti at nakabisita ka, hija,” sabi ni Tito Charles habang nakatingin sa akin. I smiled at him.

“No choice po ako, tito. ’Yung magkapatid na po kasi ang sumundo sa akin sa shop,” biro ko pang ikinatawa ni Tito Charles.

“Kaya pala napasama ka bigla.”

“Next week na ang birthday n’yo, tito, ah?”

He gave me a helpless smile.

“Kaya nga, eh. Tessa wants to have a party.”

“Ready na naman ba kayo, tito?”

“Ready na ba s’yang magpalit ng edad?” Yakov joked.

“That’s why I didn’t want to have a party,” sabi ni Tito Charles na mukhang nakahanap ng kakampi kay Yakov. “Para bang ibinabalita ko na magpapalit na talaga ako ng edad at tatanda ako ng isang taon.”

“It is something to celebrate,” Tita Tessa said. “Plus, Serj is here. This is the first time he’ll celebrate your birthday with us.”

“We can still celebrate without having a party if Charles doesn’t want it,” Serj said.

“No, he wants it,” pinal na sabi ni Tita Tessa kaya hindi na nakapagreklamo si Tito Charles. “Besides, I want to introduce you to everyone as my son.”

Serj stared at his mother. Ilang sandali bago s’ya tumango at nagpatuloy sa pagkain.

Nang matapos kami sa dinner ay ilang sandali pa akong nanatili para makipagkwentuhan sa kanila. It was mostly Yakov and Tito Charles that were talking. Kung minsan ay hindi pa ako maka-relate dahil usapang lalaki iyon. Serj was quiet but Tita Tessa was trying to include him if there was a chance.

Ilang sandali lang din ay nagpaalam na akong uuwi. I didn’t want to stay for the night dahil plano ko ring bumisita ulit sa shop bukas.

“I guess I’ll see you on Charles’ birthday?” sabi ni Tita Tessa nang ihatid ako hanggang sa may pintuan.

I smiled.

“Yes, tita. Thank you for today.” Binalingan ko si Tito Charles sa tabi n’ya. “Tito, una na po ako.”

“Mag-iingat kayo. Yakov, ingat sa pagmamaneho, ha?”

“Yes, dad,” sabi ni Yakov at niyaya na ako palabas ng gate.

Nauuna si Yakov sa paglalakad. We were walking the distance from their house to the gate. Nakalabas na si Yakov pero bago pa ako tuluyang makalabas sa gate ay may tumawag sa akin.

“Natalia.”

I stopped. Lumingon ako at nakita ko si Serj na naglalakad papalapit sa akin. The way he walked was so… eye-catching. Hindi ko alam na kahit sa paglalakad pala ng isang tao ay mapapahanga ka na.

“Bakit?” tanong ko nang tumigil s’ya sa harap ko.

“I finally remember the name of the Russian fashion designer that I know.”

“What?” Napakunot pa ang noo ko. I am confused about where this is going.

“I suddenly thought of her when I looked around your shop earlier.”

Huh… Her.

“Do you know any Russian fashion designer named Irina Morozova?” he asked.

Nanlaki ang mga pangalan ko nang marinig ang pangalang binanggit n’ya. I even gasped! Hindi kasi ako makapaniwala na maririnig ko ang pangalang ’yon mula sa kanya.

Of course, I know who she is! She’s my inspiration! Just like me, she started young in the fashion industry. She was new but she became famous because she’s so talented! Ilang beses napapasali ang mga designs n’ya sa mga runway shows!

But she stopped designing for a while and just recently, she was back again. I didn’t know what happened pero simula noon ay nakasubaybay na talaga ako sa kanya.

“Yes!” I exclaimed. “She’s my inspiration! I’ve been following her progress from the start!”

“Oh…” Mukhang hindi inaasahan ni Serj iyon. “I know her. She’s…” Kumunot ang noo n’ya. “A friend of a friend.”

Napasinghap ako.

“Kilala mo s’ya personaally?”

He looked like he was trying not to smile at my reactions.

I couldn’t help it! ’Yung inspiration ko sa fashion designing, kilala n’ya! ’Yung taong hinahangaan ko, kilala ni Serj!

“Yes. If you like, I’ll show her your designs so she can check them out,” sabi n’yang mas hindi ko mapaniwalaan. “Do you have a website?”

“Are you serious?!” Halos sumigaw na ako.

Oh, my gosh. Is this really happening? Ipapakita n’ya ang mga designs ko kay Irina? Oh, my gosh, wait. Kinakabahan ako. Paano kung hindi n’ya magustuhan?

I heard Serj chuckle.

“I’m serious. So? May website ka ba for your designs?”

I always stopped whenever I hear him speak in tagalog pero masyadong nagkakagulo ang nararamdaman ko ngayon para mapansin pa ’yon.

“Oh, no. Wala!” I started to panic. “I don’t know how to manage one kaya hindi pa ako gumagawa.”

Shit… I didn’t think I needed it soon. I was planning to create more designs pa sana muna bago gumawa ng website. I wanted to manage my shop first. I was uploading my designs on Instagram din naman but a website is too much work for me so I haven’t created one yet.

Kung alam ko lang na mangyayari ’to, sana matagal na akong gumawa ng website!

That’s Irina Morozova! My idol!

“It’s okay,” Serj assured me when he probably saw me getting flustered. “How about a portfolio?”

“Oh, that! I have that!” Nabuhayan ako ng loob doon. “I have that compiled.”

“Good. Send it to my email. I’ll forward it to her.”

Napangiti ako nang malawak at tumango.

“Anong email mo?” I asked.

He raised an eyebrow at me.

“Text me first if you get home safely later. Then, I’ll text my email back to you.”

Mas lumawak pa ang ngiti ko. I realized that Serj could make me smile like this and it was a good feeling.

I’m so happy.

“Okay. Thank you, Serj…” halos maiyak ko nang sabi.

I mean, wow. He didn’t really have to do that but he’s the one who offered it. At dahil sobrang hinahangaan ko si Irina, hindi ko na rin gustong tumanggi.

“Don’t thank me yet,” he said but there was a ghost smile playing on his lips.

Mahina akong napatawa.

“I’ll go now. Goodnight, Serj.”

He said something in Russian. I didn’t know why pero napangiti ako roon. I noticed that he was always doing this. Whenever I bid him goodnight, he will reply in Russian. At kahit alam n’yang hindi ko maiintindihan, hindi n’ya pa rin sasabihin sa akin ang ibig sabihin noon.

Just like now. He just bit his lower lip while he was smirking.

“Sleep well, Natalia.”

Ngiting-ngiti tuloy akong sumakay sa kotse ni Yakov. I was so happy that I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. Ramdam ko ang kuryosong mga sulyap sa akin ni Yakov habang nagmamaneho.

“Anong pinag-usapan n’yo ni kuya?” tanong ni Yakov na mukhang hindi na nakatiis.

“Oh. About lang sa shop ko,” sabi ko na lang dahil alam ko namang wala s’yang interes sa shop ko.

“What is it?”

Napatingin ako sa kanya. Nagtataka sa naging tanong n’ya.

“It is rare for you to have an interest in my shop,” I said.

Mukhang hindi nagustuhan ni Yakov iyon. He looked pissed. Hindi ko na rin binawi ang sinabi ko dahil iyon naman talaga ang totoo.

He never showed any interest in my shop, tapos ngayon ay magtatanong s’ya?

“Kakaayos lang natin, Nat,” he said. “Don’t ruin it.”

Hindi ako nagsalita. Why? I’m not ruining anything. Wala rin namang mali sa sinabi ko. S’ya lang ang nag-iisip ng ganoon.

Hindi ko na talaga sinagot ang tanong n’ya kanina at tumingin na lang sa labas ng bintana. Hindi na rin naman s’ya nagtanong pa ulit.

My mood got ruined by Yakov that I was pissed when I got home. Hindi na ako nagpaalam sa kanya at basta bumaba na lang ng sasakyan nang makarating na sa bahay ko. He didn’t say anything too and just drove away.

I went inside my house, straight to my room. Inilabas ko ang phone ko at nag-text kay Serj na nakauwi na ako gaya ng sabi n’ya kanina. Agad akong nakatanggap ng reply mula sa kanya. He sent me his email address.

Agad na bumalik ang ngiti sa mga labi ko. I quickly opened my laptop to send him my portfolio. I texted him again after.

Me:

Na-send ko na, Serj.

Serj:

That was fast.

Napangiti ako. I could almost imagine the smirk on his lips.

I sent him another text.

Me:

May tanong ako.

Serj:

Yeah?

Me:

’Yung reply mo sa ’kin kapag naggu-goodnight ako sa ’yo. That’s Russian, right? What’s the meaning of it?

Serj:

You’ll know it when the time comes.

Napalabi ako.

Me:

Unfair…

I got another reply from him. Napangiti ako nang mabasa iyon.

Serj:

Patience, Natalia. For now… Sleep well.

I typed my reply to him with a smile.

Me:

Goodnight, Serj.

Chapter 16

Tita Tessa got busy preparing for the party as days passed by. She wasn’t like this before. She was contented with having a simple celebration whenever a member of her family celebrates their birthday.

Although Yakov’s exploring, which was the case most of the time, on his birthday, Tita Tessa and Tito Charles were just having dinners with their close friends and families. Kung minsan pa nga ay sila lang talagang magpamilya ang nagce-celebrate kapag sila ang may birthday.

But now, that wasn’t the case. And I knew why.

Because her eldest son, who was away from her for so long, was going to celebrate with them.

It was like I was getting an update on how busy Tita Tessa was or what she was doing because of my mom. Nalalaman ko tuloy kung nasaang part na ng preparation as mom was always texting or chatting with me. Kahit nga ang mga guest ay kilala ko na kung sino-sino ang mga invited.

Kaya rin naman parang natataranta si Mommy habang palapit nang palapit ang araw ng party. There she was again, reminding me almost every day that I needed to be perfect that night.

As the Chief of PNP, Tito Charles’ birthday party this time was a big celebration. Most of the guests that were invited were big people. And I knew by now that it would be an exhausting night for me.

I have no idea if Yakov was also busy with the preparation. We haven’t been texting each other. I didn’t try to contact him either. I felt like I shouldn’t be the one to reach out first, which I mostly do during the entirety of our relationship.

But now, I don’t feel the need to do that.

I didn’t even do anything wrong the last time we saw each other. Ni wala nga kong maisip na naging mali sa sinabi ko. I was just telling the truth and I have no idea why Yakov would feel offended by that.

Bahala s’ya d’yan. Totoo naman kasi talaga ang sinabi ko. He never showed interest in my shop. Mas naging interesado pa nga si Serj.

Si Serj na hindi ko naman kaano-ano. Si Serj na kailan ko lang naman din nakilala. Si Serj na inis pa nga ako sa kanya nu’ng una dahil sa nangyari noon.

But he was the one who listened and showed interest in what I like.

Tapos dahil lang nagpakita ng interes ang kuya n’ya, Yakov started to show interest too? Dapat bang ganoon muna talaga ang mangyari? Can’t he support me on his own?

I took a deep breath. I was trying not to think about this as days passed by. I didn’t want to stress myself with this. Ayoko ring sumama ang loob ko kay Yakov. We will see each other tonight at Tito Charles’ birthday party anyway.

Hindi na rin ako umasang susunduin pa ako ni Yakov. He didn’t even text me even once today so I already assumed that I have to get to their house on my own.

I checked myself in the mirror. I needed to look good tonight and as black is the best color for me, I wore a black one-shoulder dress for tonight. It was a fitted dress but had a high slit on my left thigh so I could at least move comfortably.

Dahil sa style ng buhok kong medium bob cut, hindi ko na kinailangang magtagal sa pag-aayos noon. I just straightened my hair and tucked some strands behind my left ear. Hinayaan kong nakabagsak sa gilid ng mukha ko ang sa kabila. That made me look sophisticated and… matured.

I put on a white gold long tassel earrings to complete my looks. I wore black stiletto heels with rhinestones covering the straps around my ankles.

Nang masiguro kong presentable na ako—No. Scratch that. When I finally made sure that I was presentable and looked perfect, I went down. Lumabas na ako matapos kong mai-lock ang bahay at ang gate. I drove my car and, on my way, I received a call from my mom.

“Natalia! Where are you? Bakit wala ka pa rin dito?” she was saying that with a soft but fierce voice. I could imagine her faking a smile as she talked to me on the phone in case someone was looking at her.

“I’m driving, mom. I’m on my way,” I said.

“Oh, you’re driving?” Bahagyang kumalma ang boses n’ya. She was never a fan of using a phone while driving so I know that she wouldn’t call me if she knew that. “Alright. Marami na kasing mga bisitang dumating. I just don’t want you to be late.”

“I’ll be there a bit, mom. Don’t worry.”

“Okay. Drive safely.”

“Bye, mom.”

Hindi rin naman kalayuan ang bahay nina Yakov kaya ilang minuto lang ay nakarating na rin naman ako. I had a hard time finding where I could park my car dahil marami ng mga kotse ang nakaparada sa harap ng bahay nila. Medyo may kalayuan pa ang nahanap ko kaya kinailangan ko pang maglakad dala ang gift ko para kay Tito Charles at ang clutch bag ko.

Ngayon ko lang naisip na sana pala ay nag-taxi na lang ako papunta at sumabay kina mommy pauwi. Hindi na sana ako nahirapan sa paghahanap ng parking space at naglakad ng ganito while wearing a stiletto.

The party was held in the back garden kaya pagpasok ko ay dumiretso na ako roon. Mom was right. Marami na ngang tao ang nandoon. Well, judging on how many cars I saw that were parked outside, inaasahan ko na rin naman ’to.

I scanned the place to look for my parents. I saw them talking with the governor. Palihim akong napangiwi. Kararating ko pa lang but it looked like I should start behaving like a perfect woman.

I took a deep breath to prepare myself for how exhausting this night would be for me. I plastered an elegant smile on my lips and straightened my shoulders as I started walking toward where my parents were. But I was stopped several times on my way when someone recognized me. Kinailangan kong tumigil ng ilang beses para makipagkumustahan sa kanila.

“You look fabulous!” one of Yakov’s cousins said. She eyed me from head to toe. “Well, as expected from a fashion designer.”

I smiled at her.

“Thank you. You look gorgeous too, by the way.”

“Natalia, nandito ka na pala.”

I looked and saw my parents walking towards me. Yakov’s cousin bid me goodbye with her look when she saw my parents. I couldn’t get to them sooner dahil sa mga taong bumabati sa ’kin kaya siguro nang makita ako ay sila na ang lumapit.

Mom eyed me wholly. I saw his eyebrows raised in approval. Napangiti ako.

I felt proud. Ito siguro ang isa sa mga bagay na walang mapupuna sa akin si mommy. I knew how to dress well according to the occassion. Hindi na n’ya kailangang mag-alala sa bagay na ’yon dahil kayang-kaya kong dalhin ang sarili ko.

“You look good, mom,” I said as I kissed her on the cheeks. She was wearing a turtle neck earth-toned dress with rhinestones around the shoulders.

“Oh, you’re one to talk.”

Mom was smiling, complimenting me despite the words she used. I chuckled softly and looked at my dad.

“Good evening, dad,” I said and kissed him on the cheek as well.

“Good evening, Natalia.”

“Where’s Yakov? Kasama mo ba?” tanong ni mommy na nagpakunot sa noo ko.

“No… I went here on my own. Wala ba s’ya rito?”

“I don’t know. Hindi ko pa naman s’ya nakikita.”

We shrugged it off. Mom took me with them as they started to mingle with some of the guests. Nakikinig lang naman ako sa usapan nila. Mostly na topic nila kapag kausap si dad ay about sa politics. While mom talked about their hobbies with her Amigas.

Pasimple akong napapabuntong-hininga. Hindi pa man nagsisimula ang party ay nangangalay na ang panga ko sa kakangiti.

Mabuti na lang at natapos na rin naman sa pakikipag-usap sina mommy. We got left alone at the cocktail table. Nag-uusap sina mommy at daddy nang makita kong pumasok na sa back garden sina Tita Tessa at Tito Charles. Serj was walking with them. They approached us as soon as they saw us.

They were a picture of an elegant and perfect family. Tita Tessa looked stunning in her long evening dress. While Tito Charles and Serj were both wearing a suit.

Hindi ko mapigilan ang mapatitig kay Serj habang naglalakad s’ya palapit. Mukhang hindi lang naman ako ang nakatitig sa kanya. All eyes were on him as the birthday celebrant was with them. But I could tell that they were mostly looking at Serj.

He was wearing an all-black suit. A black button-down long sleeve shirt as an inner and black suit jacket and pants with a black necktie. His hair was slicked back. His stubble beard made him look rugged and at the same time… a gentleman.

“Tito Charles! Happy birthday,” I greeted him still with an elegant smile plastered on my lips. Ibinigay ko s’ya kanya ang gift ko.

“Ah. Thank you, hija,” he said as he took the gift from me. Ibinigay n’ya iyon sa maid na dumaan para isama sa pile ng mga gift na nandoon sa harapan.

“Natalia, you look so gorgeous!” bati naman sa akin ni Tita Tessa na hinalikan ako sa pisngi.

“Thank you, tita. You look wonderful too.”

Tito Charles and Tita Tessa both greeted my parents. Napansin siguro ni Tita Tessa na nagtagal ang tingin ni mommy kay Serj at may kuryosong tingin. She introduced him to my mom.

“I want you both to meet my eldest son, Sergei. Serj, this is Senator Joaquin Gonzales and his wife, Gwendolyn. They’re Natalia’s parents and close friends of our family.”

Serj offered a hand to my parents.

“Call me Serj,” he said.

“Wow…” Mom was staring so hard at Serj. “You’re… You’re so handsome.”

Serj made a polite smile.

“Thank you, Ma’am. You look incredibly beautiful. I always wonder where Natalia got her beauty.” He kissed the back of my mom’s hand.

“Oh…” Mom muttered as she blushed.

I know I was blushing as well. I felt proud and I don’t know why.

See, mom? Serj was not bad too.

“Nice meeting you, Serj,” dad said and offered him a handshake.

Serj accepted it and shook his hand firmly.

“The pleasure is mine, sir.”

“Call me Joaquin.”

I looked at my dad. He wasn’t showing any emotion on his face but I knew him. I knew that he liked people like Serj. If anything, he wouldn’t offer to call him by his name.

Hindi na ako nagtaka roon. If Yakov could make people easily like him by charming them, Serj could make them like him with his politeness and being a gentleman.

“Tessa, nasaan nga pala si Yakov?” my mom asked. She was probably curious as he wasn’t with them.

“Nasaan na nga ba ang batang ’yon?” tanong din ni Tito Charles na luminga pa sa paligid. “Ang daming araw na pwedeng mawala. Sa birthday ko pa talaga.”

“Oh, may dinaanan lang daw pero papunta na rito,” Tita Tessa said.

Napatango sila pero hindi ko naman maiwasan ang magtaka. What was it? Ano ang dadaanan ni Yakov? Well, hindi na ako magtataka kung regalo iyon para sa dad n’ya dahil nakalimutan n’ya.

I was sure that if I checked my phone for his text, I wouldn’t see one. Wala nga s’yang naging paramdam sa akin ngayong araw.

Bahala na nga s’ya.

“Gwen, I have someone I want you to meet,” sabi ni Tita Tessa kay mommy bago tumingin kay Tito Charles. “Charles, may kakausapin lang kami. Dito ka muna.”

“Actually, there’s someone who wants to talk to you too,” sabi ni dad kay Tito Charles.

Napatingin silang apat sa amin ni Serj. They looked like they were deciding if they would take us with them.

“I’ll stay here,” sabi ko dahil hindi ko na makakayanan kung magpepeke pa ako ng ngiti ngayong gabi.

“Serj…” Tita Tessa looked worried.

“I’ll stay here with Natalia,” Serj said. Napatingin ako sa kanya.

“But—”

“It’s okay, mom,” putol ni Serj sa sasabihin sana ni Tita Tessa. “This is where I wanted to be.”

Napansin ko ang bahagyang pagtaas ng kilay ni mommy. She eyes him from head to toe. Napabuntong-hininga na lang ako. Hindi ko alam kung ano na namang iniisip n’ya.

I looked at Tita Tessa and she looked surprised as she stared at Serj. After a while, her eyes became somewhat misty. Mukha s’yang maiiyak but the way her face lit told me that she was happy.

“Okay… We’ll be back.”

Iniwan na nila kami at napatitig na lang ako kay Tita Tessa na naglalakad palayo kasama si mommy. I saw them approach some unfamiliar faces. A group of women around their age.

She looked happy. Probably because of the way Serj called her.

He’s finally learning to accept her.

Saka ko lang na-realize na naiwan kaming mag-isa ni Serj sa cocktail table na ’yon. I suddenly didn’t know what to do. His presence was so intimidating, more intimidating tonight and I don’t even know why!

Should I say something?

I tried to sneak a glance at him but failed as he was already looking at me. Nahuli n’ya ako.

“Hi,” he greeted.

I flashed him an awkward smile.

“Hi.”

“You look gorgeous,” titig na titig n’yang sabi sa akin.

I was trying not to show my wide smile this time. I knew I was blushing. Receiving a compliment from this handsome gentleman was too much for me, I guess.

I was wearing a stiletto kaya medyo nagkalapit na ang height namin. But he was still taller than me.

I raised an eyebrow at him to pretend that I wasn’t affected by his heavy stares and compliments. But damn. Hindi umaayon sa akin ang tadhana. The wind blew and I caught the scent of his perfume.

Fuck… He smelled so good. So masculine. It was a fresh wood scent with a bit of sweetness. Like that sweet scent of the first rainfall of May.

“You don’t look so bad yourself,” I said, trying to ignore whatever about him.

He chuckled. Ah… Damn it. Wala na. Hindi ko na kayang ignorahin ang lahat ng tungkol sa kanya.

With that chuckle, I felt like this night wouldn’t be too bad.

I looked around. I noticed a group of women from another table looking in our direction. Most particularly at Serj.

I knew who they were. They were the daughters and nieces of the governor.

“I think a lot of women here want to talk to you,” sabi ko kay Serj.

Bahagyang nagsalubong ang mga kilay n’ya. He looked around and when he saw where I was looking earlier, his frown deepened. Probably because those women giggled when he looked at them. Ang iba ay kinawayan pa s’ya.

Serj looked back at me, still with a frown on his face.

“I’ve already met them,” he said.

“Oh? Naipakilala ka na ni Tita?” gulat kong tanong.

Medyo na-late na pala ako ng dating kung ganoon. Kaya pala hinanap na rin ako ni mommy kanina.

“Yeah…” he said. “It was tiring.”

I let out a soft laugh.

“I know… That’s why I don’t really like parties.”

“Hm. But it’s bearable now compared to earlier. Now that you’re here.”

Pinigilan ko ang mapangiti dahil doon. Strangely, I felt the same way too. Kanina, habang kasama ko ang mga magulang kong nakikipag-usap sa mga bisita, nararamdaman ko na ang pagod.

Pero ngayong si Serj ang kasama ko, nawala na ang pagod na ’yon.

“Ay, na-send mo na ba ’yung portfolio ko kay Irina?” I asked.

He nodded. He put his hands inside the pockets of his pants.

“Yeah… The same night you sent it to me.”

“Oh…” I let out a nervous chuckle. “I haven’t received a reply from her yet. Iniisip ko tuloy na baka hindi n’ya nagustuhaan ’yung designs ko.”

“I doubt it,” mabilis na sabi ni Serj. “You’re talented. I saw it while looking around your shop. Your designs are great.”

I bit my lower lip to stop myself from smiling but I failed. I smiled widely. Hindi ko lang mapigilan lalo na dahil sa mga sinabi n’ya.

Huh… Mom would scold me if she saw me smiling widely with the guests around like this.

“Thank you…” sabi kong sinusubukan pa ring tanggalin ang ngiti sa mga labi ko.

He chuckled. He smirked but his eyes were kind as he reached my hair. He tucked the strands behind my ears na kumawala dahil sa pag-ihip ng hangin kanina.

“Just wait, okay? I’m sure you’ll get a positive reply.”

Tumango ako sa kanya. Nakangiti pa rin ako. I felt recharged. Pakiramdam ko ay hindi na yata mawawala ang magandang mood ko. I felt like no matter how many times I have to act perfect tonight, I wouldn’t feel tired.

But that thought quickly vanished as I looked at the back garden’s entrance. Kasabay noon ay ang pagkawala rin ng magandang ngiti sa mga labi ko.

I saw Yakov entered the garden. There was nothing wrong with it except that he wasn’t alone. There was someone walking beside him, holding his arm. Sinundan ko ng tingin ang kamay na nakahawak sa braso n’ya hanggang sa makita ko kung sino ang may-ari noon. And I immediately recognized the woman with him.

It was Sabrina. Yakov’s best friend.

What the fuck is he doing? Why the fuck did he bring her here?

Napansin siguro ni Serj ang pagbabago sa ekspresyon ko kaya napatingin rin s’ya sa tinitignan ko. I was so focused at the scene in front of me and it looked like I wasn’t the only one. Some were also curiously looking at Yakov and Sabrina.

I could already feel the anger bubbling up inside of me. I felt so insulted. So disrespected. My eyes even watered as I gritted my teeth with anger.

I was so fucking mad. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. Kung lalapitan ba sila o maiiyak na lang dahil sa sobrang pagkabastos na nararamdaman ko ngayon.

Until I felt a hand caressing my back before it snaked on my waist. The gesture, the feeling it gave me was so comforting kaya nagawa kong alisin ang tingin sa harapan ko.

I looked at Serj and I saw him also looking at the scene in front of us. His blue eyes were cold. I shivered even if his gaze wasn’t directed at me. Suddenly, he looked so dangerous. I even noticed his jaw clenched.

Serj looked at me and that gaze quickly turned gentle. He leaned in and I sucked in my breath when he whispered something in my ears.

“Don’t leave my side tonight.”

Chapter 17

I watched as Yakov walked around the venue with Sabrina holding his arm. They would stop often as some guests tried to talk to him. I could see the curious looks on their faces as they glanced at Sabrina beside him. Yakov would take it as a sign to introduce her. Sabrina would shake their hands, looking pleased that she met people in Yakov’s life.

I was so angry watching them. I was livid, I could almost see red. Para kasing nababasa ko kung anong iniisip ng mga bisitang nandoon as they throw curious glances at Yakov. Ang iba ay ako ang susunod na titignan pagkatapos ipakilala ni Yakov si Sabrina sa kanila. Like they were wondering why I was here standing while there was some girl with Yakov.

Hirap na hirap akong pigilan na magpakita ang galit na nararamdaman sa mukha ko. I kept a stoic face on and made sure that I would still look elegant. I made sure that it would look like it didn’t bother me that Yakov brought another woman as his date on his father’s birthday. I made sure that the guests wouldn’t see any problem with it.

All I have left right now was my pride. Hindi ko hahayaang pati iyon ay mawawala sa kahit kahit gaano pa ako nababastusan sa ginawang ’to ni Yakov.

It was hard trying to pretend unbothered as I was feeling so many emotions right now. I know I would break down anytime if only Serj wasn’t holding me. If only Serj wasn’t beside me. He was the only one that’s keeping me standing on my feet right now.

His hand was still holding the side of my waist. I could feel him caressing the curves often like he could feel my anger resonating through my entire body and he was trying to relieve it.

If it weren’t for him, baka hindi ko na alam kung anong magagawa ko dahil sa sobrang pagkabastos sa ginawa ni Yakov.

I never imagined that he could do this. That he could do this to my parents. To our parents.

I only knew that he was really close with Sab. Kahit noong pang mga college student pa lang kami. They were always together. Tama iyong sinabi n’yang madalas ay sila pa ang napagkakamalang may relasyon nang higit pa sa pagkakaibigan dahil sila talaga ang palaging magkasama.

Pero ang akala ko ay hanggang doon lang ang pagkakaibigan nila. Ang akala ko ay natapos na iyon nang maka-graduate kami ni Yakov. Sabrina fell behind as she had so many failed subjects back then. Until I recently discovered that they were still in contact.

Hindi naman problema sa akin kung gustong ipakilala ni Yakov si Sabrina sa iba. But of all the days that he wanted to introduce her, bakit sa birthday party pa ng dad n’ya? He knew that this was a big party and people might misunderstand.

He could at least tell me about this. Para napaghandaan ko man lang sana. Para alam ko kung anong isasagot ko sakaling may magtanong kung bakit ibang babae ang date n’ya ngayon. Para rin sana nakapag-isip pa ako ng excuse sa parents ko.

I know my parents felt disrespected as well. Their daughter’s boyfriend brought another girl as his date on his father’s birthday.

Ano na lang ang mararamdaman nila gayong halatang-halata ang pagkalito sa mukha ng mga guest? Ano na lang ang mararamdaman ni mommy?

“Natalia!”

Hindi na ako nasorpresa nang makita ko si mommy na naglalakad palapit sa akin. Kasunod n’ya si Tita Tessa na halata ang pag-aalala sa mukha. She looked so worried and her smile that she showed me was mixed with shame.

Napatingin ulit ako kay mommy. The anger in her eyes was obvious. I couldn’t even blame her. Ramdam ko ang pagkapahiya n’ya dahil sa nangyayari ngayon. Some guests were even looking at her.

She stopped in front of me. I was so sure that she was about to unleash hell on me as she looked so angry. Pero mukhang naalala na katabi ko pa rin si Serj. She even glanced at him and when she looked at me again, she smiled this time. Her smile looked so tight anyone could tell it was fake. It made her look like she was gritting her teeth.

“Who’s that girl with Yakov?” she asked.

Dad and Tito Charles joined us again as well. Nilapitan ni Tita Tessa ang asawa n’ya at may ibinulong. Tito Charles looked at where Yakov was and I noticed him sigh. Napatingin din tuloy ako kay Yakov at mukhang nakita n’ya ang grupo namin. Nagpaalam s’ya sa kausap at naglakad palapit sa amin kasama si Sabrina.

“It’s Sabrina,” sagot ko kay mommy. “Classmate namin ni Yakov nu’ng college.”

“And why did he bring her here?” Nakataas na ang isang kilay ni mommy. She was also glaring at me. Bahagya na ring tumaas ang tono ng boses n’ya pero sinusubukan pa ring magmukhang kalmado.

I sighed. Napatingin ulit ako kay Yakov at nakitang malapit na sila sa amin.

“I don’t know, mom. Ask him.”

Nakalapit na si Yakov sa amin kaya hindi na nakapagsalita si mommy. We all looked at the two. Tinitigan ko si Sabrina na malawak ang ngiti sa mga labi.

She was the complete opposite of me. Mahaba ang kulay tsokolateng buhok na hanggang bewang. I remember she had straight hair so I knew that she just curled it for tonight. She tied her hair on a half-ponytail.

She was wearing a maroon mermaid-style evening dress with an open back. The color matched the tie that Yakov used. It gave me the realization that they both planned for this party.

Nakaplano na pero hindi man lang ako nasabihan ni Yakov?

“You’re all here,” sabi ni Yakov nang makalapit sa amin.

I sighed again. A deep one this time.

Napansin ko ang paglingon sa akin ni Serj. I looked at him too and I remembered when he said that I have a habit of sighing deeply. I gave him a tired smile. Dahil kay Yakov lang naman ako napapabuntong-hininga nang ganoong kalalim.

Serj stared at me. It was like he was trying to read everything I was thinking and feeling right now. I didn’t look away and didn’t try to hide what I was feeling this time. I was so tired. Bumalik ang pagod na nararamdaman ko na kanina lang ay nawala na.

I felt like I could be myself when I’m with Serj. I didn’t have to force a smile. Hindi ko kailangang magpanggap sa kanya.

Naramdaman ko ang paghigpit ng hawak ni Serj sa bewang ko. He squeezed it and I almost yelped. Kasabay noon ay ang pagsalakay ng kakaibang init at sensasyon sa buong katawan ko.

I saw the slight smirk on Serj’s lips as he probably noticed my reaction. Nang tumingin na rin s’ya sa wakas kay Yakov ay nagbago kaagad ang ekspresyon sa mukha n’ya. His eyes turned cold and his face darkened.

“Yakov, you didn’t tell us you’re bringing someone,” he said with a smirk on his lips like he was curious.

But his eyes said otherwise.

His blue eyes were cold and… terrifying. He looked ruthless as he looked down at his brother with their height difference. Kahit hindi s’ya nakatingin sa akin ay damang-dama ko pa rin ang lamig ng mga titig n’ya that I actually started to feel scared for Yakov.

“Oh…” Napatingin si Yakov kay Sab na nakatitig kay Serj. “Si Sabrina nga pala,” he said, introducing her to everyone before he looked at his brother. “Kuya, si Sabrina. Sab, si Kuya Serj. ’Yung kinukwento ko sa ’yo.”

Sabrina smiled and offered her hand for a handshake.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you. Yakov told me so much about you.”

I felt Serj’s hand squeezed my waist again. Napatingin tuloy ako sa kanya. He was looking at Sab’s hand at hindi ako sigurado kung tama ba ang nakikita ko sa mga mata n’ya. It looked like he was trying to figure out how he could break those fingers one by one.

Nakita kong napapitlag ang mga daliri ni Sabrina at mukhang natatakot na ang tingin kay Serj but she was still trying to smile.

But that look on Serj’s eyes vanished kaya inisip ko na lang na mali ang nakita ko. His smirk widened instead as he looked at Yakov. He tilted his head to the side and cocked an eyebrow.

“You brought another date when your girlfriend’s here.”

Nawala ang ngiti sa mga labi ni Yakov. Mukhang nahalata na ang galit sa mga mata ng kapatid. He glanced at me before he looked at his brother with an awkward smile on his lips.

“Kilala naman ni Nat si Sabrina, kuya…”

Serj chuckled. The way it sounded was so terrying it could almost freeze the air. Mukhang hindi lang ako ang nakaramdam noon dahil kanina pa tahimik ang mga magulang namin.

Serj bit his lower lip, trying to hide that ghastly smirk. He glared at his brother.

“Why the fuck are you acting like an asshole, you fucking son of a bitch?”

Hindi ko alam kung kanino ang maingay na pagsinghap na narinig ko. Kung kay mommy ba o sa akin. Ang alam ko lang ay napatitig na lang ako kay Serj sa nanlalaking mga mata. He looked so mad that I shivered even if he wasn’t looking at me.

“Serj…” Tita Tessa cut in. She let out a nervous laugh at pumagitna s’ya sa magkapatid.

Yakov looked surprised as well. Hindi na rin nakapagsalita at napatitig na lang sa kuya n’ya. Mukhang gulat na gulat sa galit na nakikita mula sa kuya n’ya.

“Sabrina, thank you for joining us tonight,” sabi ni Tita Tessa sa nakatulala na ring si Sabrina.

“Oh, uhm… It’s a pleasure, tita.” Ibinaba n’ya ang kamay n’yang hindi tinanggap ni Serj.

“Why don’t we all sit down and cool our heads off?” Tito Charles suggested.

Napatingin ako sa kanya. He was looking at Serj with a serious expression. I had the impression na hindi n’ya nagustuhan na pinagsalitaan ni Serj ng masama ang anak n’ya. But when he looked at Yakov, there was a warning in his eyes.

Kung kanina ay masama ang tingin ni mommy kay Sabrina, ngayon ay mukhang hindi na n’ya alam ang gagawin. Mukhang masyado yata s’yang nagulat sa mga lumabas sa bibig ni Serj, isama pa ang galit sa boses n’ya.

I know, mom… I was surprised as well. Natakot ako para kay Yakov. It looked like Serj would hurt him.

But… I don’t know. I felt… thankful. Someone was willing to show anger in my place. Gumaan kahit papaano ang pakiramdam ko dahil doon.

I looked at my father. He was staring at Serj with a blank face. Hindi ko alam kung anong iniisip n’ya.

Maybe… he was probably thinking that what mom said about Russians was right. That they’re ruthless.

Umupo na kami sa lamesang nasa gitna. Nasa kaliwa ko si Serj at si Yakov naman ang nasa kanan ko. Sa kabilang gilid n’ya si Sabrina. Kaharap namin ang mga magulang namin.

The servers started to serve the food to us and to the guests as well. Serj was quiet beside me. Hindi ako makatingin sa kanya dahil parang nararamdaman ko pa rin ang galit n’ya. Yakov probably could too as he didn’t even look at his brother and was just talking with Sabrina. Meaning, hindi n’ya rin ako tinitignan. It was like I wasn’t even here.

Parang naulit na naman noong mga college pa kami. Sa mata ng iba, alam kong magmumukha na namang girlfriend ni Yakov si Sabrina. I could feel my mom staring at me, waiting for me to do something.

But… I didn’t want to do anything.

Why should I have to? Bakit ako na naman ang may kailangang gawin? Hindi naman ako ’yung nagdala ng ibang tao bilang date ko ngayong gabi. Hindi ako ’yung gumawa ng bagay para mapahiya sila ngayong gabi.

“Tell me if you want me to take you away from here.”

I looked at Serj. Hindi kalakasan ang sinabi n’yang iyon at ako nga lang yata ang nakarinig. I found him staring at me. His eyes were soft, parang hindi iyong mga mata na nakakatakot tumingin kanina. He was looking at me in the eye. Like I was the only one he could see at this party.

“Just tell me,” sabi ni Serj na titig na titig sa mga mata ko. “Tell me and ’ll take you away anytime.”

Napatitig ako sa kanya. Huh… Why does it feel like whenever it comes to him, I always feel the urge to cry? I always feel like even if I don’t say anything, he would still understand. Why does it feel like he’ll always take my side? Na kahit ano pang mangyari, kakampihan n’ya pa rin ako.

I’ve waited so long for someone like him to come into my life. Para hindi ko na maramdamang nag-iisa ako.

Tipid ko s’yang nginitian.

“I will, Serj. Thank you…”

His gaze remained on me. He looked like he was trying to read if I was lying so he could see through my lies.

Mahina akong napatawa at mas ngumiti na ngayon.

“I can still take it. Don’t worry.”

“You didn’t have to endure even a bit of these shits.”

He was pissed, I know that. He was gritting his teeth as he said that. Napansin ko rin ang paggalaw ng mga panga n’ya, pinipigilan ang galit n’ya.

Seeing that someone feel this way for me was enough to make me feel better. Na hindi ko na kailangang magpakita ng galit dahil nandito s’ya at nagagalit para sa akin.

“I think it’s refreshing to see that Yakov is with someone other than Natalia at this party,” sabi ni mommy na alam kong hindi na nakakayanan ang inis. “Kapag kinasal naman sina Yakov at Natalia, sila naman ang palaging makikitang magkasama sa kahit anong party pa ’yan.”

There was an awkward silence at our table after she said that. Napatingin kaming lahat kay mommy. She was smiling at Sabrina, like she was directing the words at her.

Napangiti si Tita Tessa.

“Alam mo, Gwen, excited na nga akong maging daughter-in-law si Natalia.”

“And I’m excited to have Yakov as my son-in-law too!”

Nagkatawanan sina Tita Tessa at mommy. Napatingin na lang ako sa plato kong hindi ko pa pala nagagalaw at alam kong hindi ko magagalaw ngayon. Wala akong ganang kumain.

“Pagpasensyahan n’yo na ’tong dalawa. Gan’yan talaga kapag tumatanda na,” birong sabi ni Tito Charles kaya sinamaan s’ya ng tingin ni Tita Tessa.

“At bakit? Hindi mo ba gustong maging daughter-in-law si Natalia? She’s perfect! She’s beautiful. magaling pang magluto, elegante, mabait, at higit sa lahat, successful na at her young age! She already has her own business!”

Namumula na yata ang mukha ko sa mga papuring natanggap ko kay Tita Tessa. I tried to smile, looking at everyone and I saw Sab with an awkward smile on her lips. Mukha ngang pinipilit n’ya na lang ang ngiti n’ya.

“Mom, may right time naman para sa pagpapakasal,” Yakov said.

“I agree,” sabi ni Tito Charles na bahagya nang sumeryoso ngayon. ’Wag n’yong pilitin ang mga bata. They’re still young. They have a lot to explore in this life. Hayaan n’yong mag-enjoy muna sila sa mga buhay nila before they settle down.“

Mukhang nakahinga nang maluwag si Yakov. Ako rin naman. I was grateful for Tito Charles and I smiled at him. Si dad ay tahimik lang na kumakain at hinahayaan kaming mag-usap.

The topic shifted to something else. Napag-usapan noong mga bata pa kami ni Yakov at ang bonding ng mga pamilya namin sa pangunguna ni mommy. It was so obvious that she didn’t want Sabrina to relate with the topic and that she would feel out of place. I was actually starting to feel bad for her hanggang sa magyaya na s’yang umuwi.

Nagulat pa ako nang sabay silang tumayo ni Yakov. I looked at my boyfriend, wondering what he was going to do until he looked at everyone.

“Ihahatid ko lang si Sabrina,” he said.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at tinitigan na lang ang plato ko. I was gritting my teeth, trying to calm myself down. Pakiramdam ko ay malapit nang sumabog ang galit sa dibdib ko.

I didn’t know when and how did they leave the venue. Nag-uusap-usap na ulit sina mommy at nakatitig pa rin ako sa plato ko. The urge to leave the place too was too much.

I could feel the stares from the guests. Para pa ngang naririnig ko rin ang mga iniisip nila. I could hear them whispering, wondering why Yakov left the party with some woman when I was here, his grilfriend.

I didn’t like the feeling. I felt so disrespected that night. Para bang hindi na inisip ni Yakov kung anong mararamdaman ko sa pagdadala n’ya kay Sabrina dito sa party. He was thinking all about himself. And now I was left alone to endure the stares from the guests because of what he did.

I wanted to leave. Gusto ko na talagang umalis.

Like he could hear my thought, I felt Serj’s hand on the small of my back. Napatingin ako sa kanya. He was already looking at me. Para bang buong gabi akong binabantayan. And even if I didn’t say anything, it looked like he already knew what I wanted by just looking at me.

“I guess it’s time for us to go too,” may kalakasang sabi ni Serj para marinig ng mga nasa table. They all looked at him.

“Oh, where are you going, Serj?” tanong ni Tita Tessa.

Serj put down the table napkin on the table.

“I have plans with Natalia for tonight,” he said which surprised me. Mukhang hindi lang rin naman ako ang nasorpresa sa sinabi n’ya.

“What? Natalia, what is this?” tanong ni mommy at hindi ko alam kung anong isasagot ko.

“It was originally with Yakov but he couldn’t accompany me so I asked Natalia instead,” Serj answered for me, looking at my mom. “If you’ll allow it, I’ll leave this party now with your daughter.”

Mukhang hindi alam ni mommy ang isasagot. Nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin n’ya sa amin ni Serj. Ako naman ay inaabangan lang ang sagot n’ya.

“Take her with you.”

Napatingin kaming lahat kay daddy nang sa wakas ay magsalita na s’ya. He sipped on his wine and looked at Serj.

“Take Natalia with you. She has nothing to do here anyway.”

Serj politely bowed his head.

“Thank you, sir.”

Nakatulala lang ako as Serj guided me to stand up. Hindi ko na namalayan ang nangyari hanggang sa mailabas na n’ya ako ng party.

What happened? Did… Did my father really just agree?

“Where would you like to go?”

Nagising lang ako sa pagkatulala nang marinig ang tanong ni Serj. We were already outside their house. He was looking at me. His blue eyes were on mine as he waited for my answer.

I stared back at Serj. Where would I like to go with him?

“Anywhere,” automatic na lumabas iyon mula sa bibig ko.

Like anywhere is fine as long as he’s with me.

Serj looked satisfied with my answer. His lips curled into a smirk.

“As you wish, love.”

Chapter 18

I let Serj drive my car. Ah, no. Actually, I didn’t have a choice. He intimidated me in his way so I would give him my car key when I told him that I parked my car a block away from the house. He looked pissed for a second and I didn’t even know why! He looked really terrifying whenever he was mad pa naman. So, when he asked for my car key, I just gave it to him without saying anything.

So, here I am now, sitting in the passenger seat of my car as Serj drove it.

I didn’t even know where we were going. I said anywhere when he asked where I would like to go as I didn’t really care. All that I wanted was to leave the party and Serj came to my rescue. Kaya kung saan man n’ya ako planong dalhin ngayon, ayos lang sa akin.

Parehong nakabukas ang bintana sa mga side namin. My arms were leaning on the window. Nakapangalumbaba ako at ang ulo ko ay bahagyang nakalabas sa bintana. It was already late kaya kaunti na lang din ang mga sasakyan. Halos solo na nga namin ang kalsada kaya mabilis ang pagpapatakbo ni Serj ng sasakyan.

I closed my eyes, feeling the night wind blow against me. Nililipad ang maikli kong buhok pero hindi ko na iyon prinoblema. The night and the wind were so peaceful to be bothered by my hair. Not to mention that Serj was a good driver. He was driving the car smoothly.

I turned to look at him. Seeing someone other than Yakov drive my car was so new to the feeling. His left elbow was leaning on the window as he drove casually and coolly. The wind was blowing against his hair. Nawala tuloy iyon sa ayos at bahagyang nagulo na ngayon. Some strands were swaying against the wind.

His side profile looked so handsome. I only knew a few people who still looked good with their side profile. And Serj was one of them. He might be the best even.

A soft smile crept onto my lips before I looked outside again. Bumalik ako sa pwesto ko kanina at nagpangalumbaba ulit sa bintana.

Hindi masyadong pamilyar sa akin ang dinaraanan namin. I let a man who’s not from the Philippines drive me somewhere. Kung maligaw man kami, ayos lang. I was so thankful to him that he led me out of the party.

I looked up to the dark sky. It was so clear and there was no sight of clouds and I could clearly see the stars. They were following us, twinkling and giving light as if promising me that despite the darkness I may experience, a day would come that light would glow so beautifully like this. I just have to wait till the clouds that were covering them will move out of the way.

It felt like an hour of driving before Serj finally slowed down and parked the car. To be honest it was fine for me if we just went for a drive for the whole night. Like driving lang talaga, walang direksyong pupuntahan. I felt at ease. I felt comfortable. I could finally relax after being at that party that almost drained me.

Kaya lang ay alam kong mapapagod din naman si Serj sa pagmamaneho. He already done so much by getting me out of the party.

Serj parked the car at what looked like a wide field of Bermuda grass. Like a spot where anyone could rest after a long drive. I even saw one or two people lying on the blanket on the ground. It was a perfect spot for stargazing.

“How did you know about this place?” I asked when Serj opened the car door for me. Bumaba ako at inilibot ang tingin sa paligid.

“Just discovered when I went for a drive last time,” he said.

I grinned at him. “Lucky.”

He just scoffed, letting out a short laugh of air. I saw him reach for the button of his coat jacket. I watched as he unbuttoned them ’cause I just can’t take my eyes off him. The way he undressed was so… mesmerizing. I was wondering how he could even do that, making the way he took off his clothes look so interesting.

“Come here,” he said it like it was a command and that I should obey.

Napakurap ako.

“Huh?”

Serj didn’t say anything. He just stared at me, waiting for me to move as he knew I heard his command the first time. Natakot akong sumuway kaya humakbang ako palapit sa kanya.

He quickly wrapped his coat around me. I could smell the cologne that he used mixed with his masculine scent. It was so warm. Para bang s’ya na mismo ang yumayakap sa katawan ko.

I smiled at him.

“Thank you.”

He cocked an eyebrow at me as he reached for the button of his shirt this time and unbuttoned the first two. He then unbuttoned his cuffs and rolled his sleeves to his elbows. Sa buong panahon ay pinanood ko lang s’ya habang ginagawa n’ya iyon. He moved gracefully and… hot.

How can he even do that?

I took a deep breath as I tried to break free of his spell. The wind blew and it felt cold to the skin. Mas ibinalot ko ang coat sa katawan ko. His coat was really warm. Para bang naiwan ang init ng katawan n’ya doon.

I quickly shook my head with what I was thinking. I looked at the hood of my car and decided to sit on it. Nahirapan pa ako dahil sa dress at heels ko. Mas bumubuka kasi ang slit sa skirt ng dress ko kaya mas lalo lang akong nahirapan.

I saw Serj watching me. He actually looked like he was enjoying watching me struggle with how I would be able to sit on the hood of my car. Napatigil tuloy ako sa ginagawa at tinitigan s’ya. When Serj noticed my stares, he chuckled.

“Want my help?” he offered, arching an eyebrow at me. The playful smirk on his lips gave me the impression that he was just teasing me at hindi talaga genuine ang alok n’yang tulong.

Sinimangutan ko s’ya.

“Kaya ko,” I said, letting my stubbornness and pride win.

I tried again, which of course, I failed. Mas lalo lang napangisi si Serj at nilapitan na ako.

“Let me,” he said and without a warning, he held both sides of my waist firmly.

I yelped when he lifted me and put me on the hood of the car. Napakapit pa ako sa mga braso n’ya nang buhatin n’ya ako and I could feel his arm muscles flexing as he lifted me. His arms were so strong. Para lang akong isang papel na madali n’yang nabuhat at iniupo sa unahan ng kotse ko. He only released me when he made sure that I was already sitting properly and comfortably.

He gently removed the coat off my shoulder and covered my thighs that got exposed with my position. Pagkatapos ay humakbang na s’ya paatras sa akin at sinamaan ko s’ya ng tingin nang makita ang mapang-asar na tingin n’ya sa akin.

“Thanks, ha?” I sarcastically said but he didn’t mind. He looked like he was enjoying the annoyed look on my face.

“You’re welcome,” sabi n’yang inirapan ko na lang.

Tinignan ko na lang ang paligid. The field was actually wide. Nakaramdam ako ng inggit sa mga nakakahiga dahil sa nakalatag na kumot na dala nila. Sayang lang at wala akong dalang blanket sa kotse ko na pwede sana naming ilatag sa Bermuda grass.

But this was okay. At least I have something to sit on. My feet were already killing me.

Pagtingin ko kay Serj ay nakita ko s’yang ginagamit ang phone n’ya. He was tapping on it and looked really busy. The light from his phone’s screen was illuminating his face and I saw the little frown on his forehead. Hinayaan ko na lang muna s’ya.

Kaunti lang ang mga taong nandoon dahil halos hatinggabi na rin kaya masyadong tahimik ang paligid. I could hear crickets cutting through the silence of the night.

Serj leaned his hips on the hood of my car while still using his phone. Lumipas ang ilang sandali nang matapos s’ya pero hawak pa rin ang phone n’ya at hindi man lang itinago. He leaned his upper body this time, almost looking like he was already lying down while his feet were still on the ground ’cause he was so tall. Though he used his elbow to support his weight so he wouldn’t lie entirely on the hood.

“Serj,” I called him.

He looked at me. Pinigilan ko ang mapangiti nang makita ang ayos n’ya. He looked like he was posing for a photo shoot and he was modeling my car.

Dahil sa pwesto n’ya ay malayang bumukas ang polo n’ya. I could see the skin on his chest. The third button of his shirt seemed like it was hanging for its dear life to keep the shirt together.

“What is it?” he asked. He glanced at his phone first before he looke back at me again.

“Kailan ka babalik ng Russia?” I was genuinely curious.

Serj frowned and his eyes squinted a little.

“Pinapaalis mo na ako?”

Hindi ko alam kung bakit napabunghalit ako ng tawa sa sinabi n’ya. He was so cute! He sounded like a pure Filipino, what the hell? He still has his accent but that made him even more adorable! Para kasing nagtatampo s’ya sa naging tanong ko!

Serj was just staring at me as I laughed. There was something serious and heavy in the way he watched me. His blue eyes seemed a shade darker with some unfathomable emotion.

Napatigil tuloy ako sa pagtawa at napaayos ng upo. Nailang na ako dahil nakatitig pa rin s’ya sa akin.

“Bakit?” tanong ko nang hindi na talaga makayanan ang bigat ng mga titig n’ya.

The side of his lips rose slightly.

“You look so beautiful,” he said, almost like a whisper. May iba pa s’yang sinabi pagkatapos noon but he said it in Russian.

Lito ko s’yang tinignan. I was confused if I should acknowledge the fast beating of my heart or just focus on what he said in his language.

“What?” tanong kong hindi alam kung para saan. He was the only one who could make my brain short circuit like this.

He let out a soft chuckle.

“I said, it depends.”

Napakunot-noo ako.

“Ang alin?”

“On when I will go back to Russia.”

Huh… Oo nga pala. Nagtanong nga pala ako sa kanya.

I saw him glance at his phone again.

“Okay na ’yung work mo do’n?” I asked, wanting his attention solely on mine.

“For now,” he said, looking at me, but when his phone beeped, napatingin ulit s’ya doon.

I was actually starting to get annoyed but I was trying not to. I mean, it wasn’t logical. He didn’t owe me his full attention whenever we were together as he wasn’t even my boyfriend. Wala akong karapatan na hingiin ang buong atensyon n’ya.

But… I just couldn’t help but remember Yakov. And when I did, bumabalik ang isip ko roon sa party pati na rin sa ginawa n’ya.

I am now developing a hate for phones.

I heard the sound of a motorcycle driving by. Palapit iyon nang palapit hanggang sa mapatingin si Serj doon.

“Oh, good. Our food’s here,” sabi n’ya at tumayo nang deretso.

I frowned. There was a delivery motorcycle that parked beside my car. I saw the logo of a fast-food restaurant that was printed on the food bag. Bumaba ang driver at kinuha ang paperbag ng mga pagkain sa loob. Nakatulala lang ako hanggang sa makaalis na ang driver.

“You ordered food for us?” tanong ko habang pinapanood si Serj na inaayos ang mga pagkain sa hood ng kotse ko.

“You didn’t eat anything at the party,” he said.

Tinignan ko ang mga pagkain na in-order n’ya. They were burgers, fries, and coke.

“Junk food?” natatawa kong tanong. Natigilan tuloy si Serj at napatingin sa akin.

“This is the only restaurant that’s open nearby and available for delivery,” he reasoned out.

Natawa ulit ako at umiling. Pinigilan ko ang pagtawa nang makita ang itsura n’ya. He looked like someone who just made a mistake. He looked at the food that he ordered and seemed like he just realized that it wasn’t proper food for dinner.

“It’s okay,” sabi ko nang makita sa mukha n’yang gusto n’ya nang itapon ang mga pagkain. “Matagal na rin naman akong hindi nakakakain ng mga ganito. Plus, I’m really hungry so I can eat anything right now.”

Ngayon lang din rumehistro sa akin ang gutom. Wala akong ganang kumain sa party kanina kaya hindi ko talaga nagalaw ang pagkain ko. But now that we were out of the party, I could feel my hunger.

I was thankful for Serj dahil naisipan n’yang um-order ng pagkain para sa amin. Kung hindi ay baka makalimutan ko na talagang kumain ngayon. I didn’t know if he ate anything at the party too since parang buong oras n’ya yata ako binantayan doon.

I sighed. There were so many things I had to thank Serj for. Tama nga ako. He’s always on my side.

Serj unwrapped the burger and gave one to me. Sumandal ulit s’ya patalikod sa hood ng kotse and we started to eat. He took a bite of his burger and looked at me.

“Who’s Sabrina?”

Muntik na yata akong mabilaukan sa sinabi n’ya. Naging maagap naman si Serj sa pagbibigay ng inumin sa akin after he put the straw in the lid. Uminom ako doon at napatingin sa kanya.

“Bestfriend ni Yakov,” sabi ko nang maka-recover.

“But she was also your classmate in college?” he asked as he put down my drink and took a big bite of his burger.

I took a piece of fries and ate it. Tumango ako habang ngumunguya.

“They were so close back then.”

“I see that they’re still close even now though.”

I sighed. Wala akong magawa kundi ang sumang-ayon sa sinabi n’ya dahil iyon din ang nakikita ko.

“Yeah… Nahuling naka-graduate sa amin si Sabrina ’cause she had failed subjects. I thought she and Yakov lost communication after we graduated. But just recently, I found out that they got in contact again.”

“Don’t you think they haven’t really lost communication?”

Napayuko ako. Napatitig ako sa burger ko na nakakalahati ko pa lang. Kinagatan ko iyon at inubos muna sa bibig ko bago sinagot ang tanong ni Serj.

“I think they did. Although I have no idea how long they’ve been in contact again. Pero sabi ni Yakov na kailan lang din naman daw.”

“Hm.” That was all the reaction I’ve got from Serj.

Kumain na lang ulit ako. Naubos na ni Serj ang burger n’ya at ang fries naman ang kinakain ngayon. I finished my burger before Serj said something again. Tingin ko ay sinadya n’yang maubos ko muna ang burger bago ulit s’ya magsalita.

“From what I saw earlier, it doesn’t seem like they’ve been talking just recently,” he said.

Natigilan ako sa sinabi n’ya. I didn’t want to admit it but… That was what I’ve been thinking too. Hindi ko naman pinagdudahan si Yakov noon nang sabihin n’ya na kailan lang ulit sila nag-uusap ni Sabrina. But after what I saw tonight? I didn’t know what to think anymore.

They looked so close for two old friends that had been in contact again.

Kahit naman sobrang close na nila noon, I was expecting some awkwardness that I would see in them. Kasi matagal din silang hindi nagkita. A lot had already happened in their lives and the changes could build an awkwardness between them.

Pero hindi ko man lang nakita iyon sa kanila kanina.

Hindi nga nasabi sa akin ni Yakov na nagkita na pala ulit sila. Hindi ko rin alam kung may plano s’yang sabihin sa akin kung hindi ko pa sila nakitang magkasama noon. Who knows if he was really telling the truth?

But then… why would Yakov even lie to me?

Maybe… he was hiding something.

What could it be though?

Napapitlag ako nang maramdaman ang pagdampi ng kung ano sa labi ko. I stilled when I realized that Serj was brushing his thumb on my lower lip like he was wiping something off. I saw that it was mayo and he took his hand back but when he brought it to his lips and sucked the mayo off his thumb, I froze.

Huh… What the hell… What was that?

Ramdam ko ang pag-iinit ng buong mukha ko at ang pag-iingay ng puso ko. Pati yata ang paghinga ko ay naapektuhan sa ginawa n’ya. Hindi ako makagalaw. Parang nakalimutan na yata ng katawan at ng utak ko kung anong gamit nila para sa akin.

“Yakov’s a dickhead shit,” Serj said like he didn’t even do something so heart-thumping.

Wala sa sariling napatango ako dahil hindi pa rin ako nagigising sa ginawa n’ya kanina lang. But when his words finally registered on my mind, I frowned at him.

“He’s your brother.”

Napatingin sa akin si Serj at halos mapapitlag na naman ako pero sa ibang dahilan na. Kung kanina ay bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko dahil sa ginawa n’ya, ngayon naman ay bumilis iyon sa kaba dahil sa paraan ng tingin n’ya sa akin.

He looked at me like he was mad. Para bang hindi n’ya nagustuhan ang sinabi ko.

“Are you fucking defending him now?” Halata ang galit at inis sa boses n’ya.

“Hindi, ah!” Mabilis pa akong umiling. Napangiwi na lang ako dahil parang hindi ang boyfriend ko ang pinag-uusapan namin ngayon. “I mean, kapatid mo kasi s’ya and you shouldn’t talk bad about him.”

“It’s the fucking truth,” sabi ni Serj na mukhang wala talagang pakealam na ang kapatid ang sinasabihan ng ganoon. “How the fuck did you end up with him anyway?”

Napapangiwi na lang ako kapag naririnig s’yang nagmumura. Isa pa ’yon sa napansin ko sa kanya. Napapadalas ang malulutong n’yang pagmumura kapag nagagalit s’ya kaya hindi na mahirap hulaan kapag galit s’ya.

“He’s my childhood friend,” sabi ko kahit alam na ’yon ni Serj. “He’s been with me since so we knew a lot about each other.”

“Just like that and you decided to be with him?” halata ang disgusto n’ya.

“Actually… Nag-start talaga ’yon nu’ng mapansin ng parents namin that we actually looked good together. They said we would be a perfect couple since magkaibigan na rin naman ang mga pamilya namin. So, naisip namin ni Yakov na… Maybe we should try it out. He said he likes me and I like him too.”

Serj let out a chuckle like he was amused and pissed at the same time. There was a wicked look on his face when he looked at me.

“That’s the most fucked-up reason I’ve ever heard.”

I grimaced at how pissed he sounded.

“Naging okay naman ’yung relationship namin.”

He cocked an eyebrow at me. Mukhang inis na inis talaga s’ya at hindi na nagugustuhan ang mga sinasabi ko.

“Oh, yeah?” The smirk that he also gave me looked so insulting.

I pursed my lips. After what he saw tonight, he probably thinks that I’m lying. He felt everything I felt earlier. Kahit nga yata ang mga iniisip ko kanina ay alam n’ya dahil parang nababasa n’ya iyon.

Pero totoo naman. Hindi naman sa lahat ng oras, gano’n si Yakov. There were also times that I enjoyed being with him.

“I’ve already noticed how shitty my half-brother is on how he treated you when we were in Siargao. But I didn’t say anything and gave him the benefit of the doubt. You’re a smart woman so I thought that there is a reason why you are still with him.” He scoffed. “But he really fucked-up tonight, Natalia. He crossed the fucking line and disrespected you.”

I took a deep breath. Wala akong masabi roon. Alam na alam n’ya kung anong naramdaman ko kanina. I even felt so ashamed back at the party. Disrespected and ashamed kaya ginusto kong umalis agad.

I was sure that the guests would talk about me. I would be their topic for days— maybe weeks even. All because Yakov brought Sabrina to the party.

What’s worse, the blame and the curiosity would be directed at me. Hindi kay Yakov o kay Sabrina. They would wonder what I did that my boyfriend brought another date to his father’s birthday party.

“Why are you still with him?” Serj asked when I didn’t say anything after a while.

“Huh?”

Serj stared at me. I knew he could see the distress and confusion in my eyes. But his eyes were serious.

“You should break up with him.”

“What? No,” mabilis kong sagot na halatang hindi n’ya nagustuhan.

Serj tilted his head to the side. His eyes started to turn cold as he looked at me.

“Why not?” The coldness of this voice made me shiver. Mas malamig pa nga iyon sa hanging panggabi.

“I…” Sinubukan kong mag-isip ng isasagot.

Why? Why aren’t I breaking up with Yakov?

“I can’t,” nasabi ko na lang dahil hindi ako makahanap ng rason.

“You can’t? Even after what he did tonight?”

I… I’m so confused. I didn’t know what to think at first. Serj was so serious. He’s mad. I know he’s mad kahit pa hindi s’ya nagtataas ng boses sa akin. I could feel it through his cold gaze. His blue eyes turned colder with my every answer that he didn’t like. Pakiramdam ko nga ay nanginginig na ako dahil sa lamig ng titig at ng boses n’ya.

Breaking up with Yakov never really crossed my mind. Ever since, I was set to think that I’ll end up with him when we officially became a couple. That we would never break up. ’Cause if we did, maapektuhan ang pamilya namin pareho.

Especially my mom. She wouldn’t like it. She will be very disappointed in me and I couldn’t even bear that thought.

I’ve done so much to please my parents. Hindi masasayang ang lahat ng ’yon dahil lang magbe-break kami ni Yakov.

“I just can’t…” sabi kong umiiling pa.

“That’s bullshit,” Serj cursed.

Napatingin ako sa kanya.

“Serj, you don’t know anything.”

He cocked an eyebrow at me and scoffed. Like what I said was just a bluff.

“Hmm? I think I know enough. I saw enough. Your relationshit started because of your parents and you couldn’t get out because of them as well.”

“You don’t understand—”

“Natalia,” he said my name with gritted teeth. “You’re way past the age to even seek validation from your parents.”

“Serj!” My voice raised an octave higher that cut through the silence. “Stop. I don’t want to talk about this.”

He really stopped but he remained staring at me. There was no emotion in his eyes but I think I saw a flicker of cruelty like he was thinking about what punishment he would give me for being like this. I shivered that I had to look away. But I could still feel his cold gaze prickling on my skin.

He was mad and the feeling was terrifying. For a moment, parang gusto ko na lang bawiin ang mga sinabi ko at sundin ang gusto n’ya. I realized I didn’t want him to get mad at me.

But… I just can’t break up with Yakov. Hindi ko kayang ma-disappoint ulit ang parents ko sa akin.

I remember when I moved out of the house, it took almost a year before mom spoke to me again. Hindi n’ya nagustuhan na bumukod ako ’cause it didn’t look good with the perfect family image she was trying to build for the public. But I still went against her and moved out kaya halos isang taon n’ya akong hindi kinausap noon.

Paano pa kaya ’pag naghiwalay kami ni Yakov? Mom really liked him. Pinipilit na nga kaming magpakasal. But I’m not ready yet. I couldn’t. I don’t want to get married to him.

Mom would probably disown me if I ever broke up with Yakov. Hindi maaring hindi iyon malalaman ng mga lahat. Baka itakwil n’ya ako dahil sa kahihiyan na ibibigay ko sa kanila ni daddy.

Kaya noon pa man, that idea never crossed my mind.

But now, Serj opened that idea to me and I realized, I really wanted out of the relationship. Noon pa, matagal na.

And now, I’m torn as the urge of that thought intensified because Serj opened it. Parang biglang kumawala sa dibdib ko ang kagustuhang ’yon. Kagustuhang matagal kong isinawalang-bahala.

“Take me home, Serj,” mahina kong sabi.

I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t know what to do. Gulong-gulo ang isip ko at ang gusto ko na lang ay matahimik ang mga iyon. I wanted to rest.

I tried to get off the car’s hood and Serj helped me. I felt so guilty I couldn’t even look at him. I snapped at him when it wasn’t even his fault. Wala namang mali sa sinabi n’ya. Anyone would probably think the same as him.

Tahimik kaming pareho sa daan. Kahit nang ipinarada n’ya ang sasakyan sa harap ng bahay ko ay tahimik pa rin kami. Serj still opened the car door for me and gave me my keys when I got out of the car.

“Thank you,” sabi kong hindi pa rin makatingin sa kanya. “Good night.”

I didn’t even wait for his answer. Tumalikod na ako at pumasok na sa bahay ko. Napasandal ako sa nakasaradong pinto at napapikit nang mariin.

Break up with Yakov… Break up with him, huh?

Chapter 19

It’s been three days since the party and my life had been quiet. I didn’t leave my house for those days. Hinayaan ko na lang munang sina Millie at Andrea ang mag-handle ng shop.

I didn’t have the strength to move. I just want to rest and rest. Kung hindi lang talaga kailangan ng katawan ko ng pagkain at ang maligo, hindi na talaga ako tatayo sa higaan ko.

I was not even checking my phone but I knew my mom had been texting and calling me. I just put it in silent mode. Alam ko kasing nangyari nga ang hinala ko noon. I may be now the topic of the conversation of anyone who knew me. Baka nga nagcha-chat pa sa akin o kaya ay nagtatanong through texting me. Kaya mas lalong wala akong ganang tignan ang phone ko.

But sometimes, I had this urge to check my phone. I just wanted to check if Serj sent me any message or if he even called me.

The last time we parted, it wasn’t good. I was so rude to him even when he helped me that night. I wanted to apologize to him but I was worried that he might be mad at me. Nakakatakot pa naman s’yang magalit.

I sighed. I’d been an idiot. I pushed away the only person who always took my side. Who always comes to my rescue. Ang tagal kong hinintay at pinangarap na magkaroon ako ng kakampi pero nang ibinigay na rin sa akin sa wakas ay pinagtabuyan ko naman.

That’s how I’m now here, alone in my room. Suffering alone… Hurting alone while my guilt was also eating me.

I’m all alone again…

I heard the doorbell ring and for a moment, I thought of Serj. My heart beat fast with the thought that it might be him who was ringing the doorbell. Although I couldn’t think of any idea why he would come here, I was hoping that it was really him.

I got up off the bed and checked myself in the mirror. It was a good thing I just finished taking a bath not an hour ago. I didn’t wear any makeup dahil nasa bahay lang naman ako pero pinagsisihan ko ’yon. Naisipan kong maglagay kahit kaunting kulay man lang sa maputla kong mukha pero ayoko namang paghintayin nang matagal ang nasa labas. Lalo na kung si Serj pala talaga iyon.

This is ridiculous. It might not be even him who was ringing the doorbell but I was being fidgety.

Bumaba na ako and the doorbell rang again. Binilisan ko tuloy ang paglalakad palabas ng bahay at nang makarating ako sa gate ay nakangiti ko iyong binuksan.

But when I saw who it was, my smile disappeared.

“Mom…” The disappointment in my voice was obvious. Pero mukhang mas malakas ang inis na nararamdaman ni mommy dahil hindi man lang n’ya iyon nahalata.

“Finally! she exclaimed. She was frowning but the elegance was still there. “Let me in quickly. Baka may makakita pa sa ’kin dito.”

I was confused by that. Wala naman sigurong mali kung may makakakita sa kanya rito ngayon. It’s not that unusual to see a mother being seen at the house of her daughter.

Pero napabuntong-hininga na lang ako at niluwagan ang pagkakabukas ng gate. Pumasok si mommy at hindi man lang ako hinintay na maisara ang gate. Nauna na s’yang pumasok sa bahay. Sumunod na lang ako.

When we were finally inside the house and no one could see us, mom turned to look at me. Her hands were on her waist. Like she was about to give everything to scold me.

“What the hell, Natalia? What have you been doing? Why aren’t you answering your phone?” sunod-sunod n’yang tanong. It was not hard to notice that she was mad. Mataas ang boses n’ya at magkasalubong pa ang mga kilay.

I sighed. After three days of not doing anything, parang bigla iyong binawi sa akin at unti-unti kong nararamdaman ang pagod.

“It’s nice seeing you too, mom,” I said.

“Oh, don’t go sarcastic on me! I’ve been calling and texting you but you haven’t answered even once!”

“I was resting,” pabuntong-hininga kong sabi. But mom wouldn’t leave me alone.

“Resting? You have the nerve to rest after what you’ve done?”

Napakunot-noo ako roon.

“What? What did I do?”

“Nagtatanong ka pa kung anong ginawa mo? Why did Yakov bring a bitch at the party?”

“Mom!” saway ko sa salitang ginamit n’ya.

“What?” She almost shrieked. Nawala ang pagiging elegante na nandoon lang kanina. “Ano bang ginawa mo at nagdala ng ibang babae si Yakov, ha?”

I let out a frustrated sigh. Naglakad ako papunta sa sofa. I wanted to sit as I felt like my strength was slowly leaving my body. I took a rest for three effin days yet I was already beginning to feel tired just like this.

“Good thing that your father’s smart!” sabi ni mommy na sinundan ako sa paglalakad. “Naisip n’ya agad na pasamahin ka sa Serj na ’yon para hindi ka magmukhang kawawa kung uuwi kang mag-isa!”

Huh… So that’s why my father agreed that I’d go with Serj that night. I thought it was very unusual for him na pasamahin ako sa lalaking nakilala n’ya lang ng gabing iyon. He just met Serj that night and he wasn’t someone who would easily trust people. He was so strict kaya nagtaka talaga ako nang pumayag s’yang sumama ako kay Serj.

Pabagsak akong umupo sa sofa. Si mommy ay tumayo sa harap ko at mukhang marami pang sasabihin.

“Your father saved you from the humiliation! But people are still talking about you and Yakov until now!”

“Just don’t mind them,” mahina kong sabi pero narinig pa rin ni mommy. S’ya lang naman ang nagtataas ng boses sa amin na para bang hindi ko maririnig nang malinaw ang sinsabi n’ya.

Hindi ko nga ch-in-eck ang phone ko for three days para makaiwas sa anumang usapin na ’yon. But my mom marched here and all she was talking about was the topic that I didn’t even want to hear. Hindi na yata talaga ako makakatakas doon.

“Anong sinasabi mong don’t mind them? My Amigas are asking me about it earlier!”

I frowned.

“You met with them again? Kakakita n’yo pa lang sa party, ah?”

“They invited me and now I know why! They wanted to ask about what’s happening between you and Yakov.” She groaned. “If only I’d known the real reason they’ve invited me, hindi na sana ako pumunta. All they do is gossip about other people’s lives!”

Gusto ko sanang sabihin na mga kaibigan n’ya ’yon at kasali rin naman s’ya do’n pero naisipan ko na lang na huwag nang magsalita.

“Nakakahiya, Natalia!” she hissed. Looking like that was the biggest problem in the world.

“Mom, hindi ko rin naman alam na dadalhin ni Yakov si Sabrina sa party.” Hindi ko na napigilan ang inis sa tono ng boses ko.

“Ano bang nangyari sa inyo, ha? Ano na naman bang ginawa mo?”

Napapikit ako nang mariin. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. Naiinis na kasi talaga ako sa paulit-ulit n’yang tanong na ’yon na para bang kasalanan ko ang lahat. Para bang ako lang ang nakakagawa ng mali kaya nagkakaroon ng problema sa relasyon namin ni Yakov.

“Nothing, mom!” Bahagya na ring tumaas ang tono ng boses ko. “Wala akong ginagawa! Nagulat na nga lang akong nagdala ng ibang date si Yakov!”

“Maybe that’s why! You’re not doing anything! Do you even know how to make Yakov happy?”

“What?” Halos hindi ko na maintindihan kung anong pinaparating n’ya.

“You should know how to satisfy your man, Natalia. Satisfy him or do even more so Yakov won’t leave you.”

Hindi makapaniwalang napatingin ako kay mommy. I just couldn’t believe the words she just said and how our conversation turned out like this.

Is she really talking about what I was thinking she was talking about? How can she even think like that? Iyon talaga ang punto n’ya?

“Baka hindi mo nabibigyan ng oras si Yakov dahil sa sobrang busy mo sa shop mo,” she continued. “Hinayaan kita sa pagbi-business mong ’yan, Natalia. But if it’s getting in the way with your relationship with Yakov, you should stop it.”

Napakurap ako.

“You want me to stop my business now?” halos hindi ko mapaniwalaang tanong sa kanya. “Mom! Gumaganda na ang takbo ng shop ko! Makakapagpatayo na nga ako ng third branch!”

“Hindi ’yan importante. Mas importante ang relasyon mo kay Yakov! You should learn how to be a good housewife to him. Tigilan mo na ’yang walang kwentang shop mo na ’yan!”

“Mom!” Napasigaw na ako.

She looked surprised that I just shouted at her so I immediately regretted it. Pero mas malala ang inis at ang frustration na nararamdaman ko kaya hindi ko na napigilan ang pagbuhos ng mga luha ko. I was frustratedly crying right now.

I cried, not minding that my mother was just in front of me. Inis na inis lang talaga ako at naiyak na ako sa sobrang inis. Naitakip ko ang dalawang mga palad sa mukha ko pero hindi naman noon napigilan ang pagkawala ng mga hikbi ko. My sobs were muffled against my palm.

I just couldn’t take it anymore. Natitiis ko pa ’yung mga ginagawa ni Yakov lately. Kahit ’yung thought na ako ngayon ang topic ng usapin ng mga kakilala namin at iniisip kung ano bang ginawa kong mali sa relasyon namin. Pero ang hindi ko kinaya ay ang mga sinabi ni mommy ngayon.

How could she think like that? How could she say that? Bakit ang sakit-sakit n’yang magsalita? Bakit parang wala s’yang pakialam sa lahat ng mga ginagawa ko? When all I did was to make them proud? Was to make her proud? Bakit hindi n’ya nakikita ’yon?

“Umiiyak ka ba?” Parang hindi pa makapaniwala ang tono ni mommy.

I chose not to say anything. I couldn’t say anything. I was sobbing so hard that I knew I wouldn’t be able to speak properly. Pinipigilan ko ang pag-iyak pero habang ginagawa ko ’yon ay mas lalo lang bumubuhos ang mga luha ko.

“Bakit ka umiiyak?” tanong ni mommy na parang wala talagang ideya sa pag-iyak ko. “Real mature, Natalia,” she said in sarcastic tone.

“Mom, please,” saway ko dahil mas nasasaktan lang ako at mas naiiyak lang.

Tinanggal ko ang mga palad sa mukha ko at tiningala si mommy na nakatayo pa rin sa harapan ko. My mom that I loved so much I was willing to do anything to make her proud. My mom that even though she was the reason I had childhood traumas, she’s still the best for me.

But right now… I don’t really want to see her.

“I don’t feel so well,” sabi kong bahagya pang napapahikbi. I tried to wipe the tears off my face pero patuloy pa rin sa pagbuhos ang mga luha ko. “Can you please leave, mom? I really need to rest.”

She frowned at me. Parang iniintindi pa kung anong nangyayari sa akin.

I looked away. Kahit kasi tignan ko lang s’ya ay sumasama na ang loob ko.

“You’re overreacting,” she said.

Napatungo ako. Bumuhos ulit ang mga luha ko at hinayaan ko na lang iyon. I bit my lower lip to stop my sobs from escaping. Hindi na lang din ako nagsalita dahil alam kong mas magtatagal lang ang usapan kapag sumagot pa ako.

“This is ridiculous!” she sounded appalled. “Ang akala ko ay kung ano nang nangyayari sa ’yo at hindi ka man lang sumasagot sa mga text at tawag ko! Nag-iinarte ka lang naman pala! Nagsayang lang ako ng oras sa pagbisita sa ’yo!”

My heart felt like it was breaking. Kung wala lang s’ya sa harapan ko ay baka napahagulgol na ako. Her words felt like knives were cutting through my heart. Paunti-unti at hindi hinahayaang mamatay ako para ramdam ko pa rin ang sakit.

I almost sighed in relief when I heard the sounds of her heels clicking as she walked towards the door. Pero bago pa s’ya makalabas ay tumigil muna at lumingon sa akin.

“Fix whatever your problem is with Yakov. Let people know that you two are doing good!” Umalis na rin si mommy pagkatapos noon.

I let out a sigh of relief. My shoulders slumped and I leaned my full weight on the backrest of the sofa. Patuloy pa rin sa pagbuhos ang mga luha ko at hinahayaan ko na lang. I cried silently.

I feel so tired… Mentally and emotionally. I was well rested physically pero walang silbi iyon dahil pagod na pagod pa rin ang pakiramdam ko. I didn’t want to do anything anymore. I felt so alone. So alone with everything. Ngayon ko lang naramdaman ang sobrang pag-iisa.

Well, there was someone who was willing to take my side. Kahit na hindi pa kami ganoong katagal na magkakilala, he made me feel everything I longed for. Pero pinagtabuyan ko lang s’ya.

I sighed. Tuluyan na akong humiga sa sofa. Ayoko nang gumalaw. If only there was a way I could live without needing to do anything.

If only… If only my life would be better.

Hindi ko namalayang nakatulog na pala ako sa sofa. When I woke up, it was complete darkness. Madilim na sa labas at walang nakabukas na ilaw sa bahay ko kaya sobrang dilim.

I sighed and decided to stand up. Binuksan ko ang ilaw sa sala. I should eat but I didn’t have the strength to cook. Magpapa-deliver na lang siguro ako.

I looked for my phone and I remembered that it was in my room. Umakyat na ako at pumasok na sa kwarto. I took my phone and finally turned it on.

Agad na nagpasukan ang mga messages sa akin. Pinakamarami ang kay mommy. Hinayaan kong matapos muna iyon bago sana gamitin ang delivery app pero natigilan ako nang makita ang isang pangalan na nagpadala ng text sa akin.

It was from Serj. I immediately opened his text and it was sent an hour ago. He wanted me to go to some high-end club at BGC and meet him there.

I frowned. Why would he want us to meet there?

Hindi ko na lang masyadong inisip pa iyon at nag-ayos na. He sent the text an hour ago. Nando’n pa kaya s’ya?

I was happy knowing that he wasn’t mad at me and would still want to meet me. May kakampi pa rin pala ako.

I should apologize to him.

I wore a wine-red velvet off-shoulder dress with puff long sleeves but with tight cuffs wrapping around my wrists. It had a plunging neckline so I wore a necklace with a gold bar pendant so my chest wouldn’t look so bare. The dress was tight on my waist and hips and the length was half of my thighs.

Agad akong nagmaneho papunta roon sa bar. Pagpasok ko pa lang ay dumadagundong na ang electronic dance music mula sa naglalakihang speakers. It was already the peak of the night at marami ng tao. Puno na rin ng mga taong nagsasayaw ang dancefloor.

I looked around, trying to find Serj but there were just too many people. I suddenly felt uncomfortable. Bigla ay hindi ako mapakali. Kinuha ko na lang ang phone ko sa loob ng clutch bag. I was about to text him when someone approached me.

“Ma’am Natalia?”

I looked at who it was and it was one of the servers. Napakunot ang noo ko sa pagtataka kung bakit n’ya alam ang pangalan ko.

“Yes?”

“Follow me po. Naghihintay na po si Sir sa taas.”

Huh… sa taas?

I looked up and there was the second floor of the club. Nandoon ang VIP rooms and they had full glass walls. Agad na nahanap ng mga mata ko si Serj. He was standing, holding a glass of whiskey in his hand as he looked down, straightly looking at me. His other hand was inside the pocket of his pants.

Now I know why I suddenly felt uncomfortable earlier. Because Serj was staring hard at me. Sa akin lang naka-focus ang mga mata like I was the only one he could see. He looked like the king of all the gods looking down at the mortals from Mount Olympus.

Sinundan ko ang server paakyat. Hinatid n’ya ako sa room kung nasaan si Serj. Nang makapasok kami roon ay nabawasan ang malakas na tunog mula sa speakers.

Nang nasa baba ako kanina, ang akala ko ay itim na polo ang suot n’ya. But now that I was near him, I saw that it was actually a dark blue button-down long-sleeved polo shirt tucked in his pants. The color was just too dark and it almost looked black. The first two buttons of his shirt were opened and the sleeves were rolled up to his elbows.

“Eto na po s’ya, Sir,” sabi ng server.

Serj took out his wallet from the back pocket of his pants and took some thousand bills. He gave it to the server na nag-thank you naman at mukhang masaya nang lumabas.

Now that it was the only two of us, I suddenly didn’t know what to do. His presence was so strong it was dominating the whole room. There was no way to ignore him, especially with those heavy stares he was directing at me.

I cleared my throat. Hindi ko na nakayanan ang tensyon so I decided to say something.

“I was not expecting that you’d invite me tonight. I thought you were mad at me.”

He scoffed. He shifted his weight on his other foot without taking my eyes off me.

“I am,” he said.

Napakurap ako roon. Nagulat sa pag-amin n’ya.

“Huh…”

Then why… did he ask me to come here?

“Have you already thought things over?” sabi n’yang inilalapag sa glass table ang baso ng whiskey na hawak n’ya.

I frowned.

“About saan?”

“About breaking up with my dickhead brother.”

I pursed my lips. I took a deep breath before answering him.

“I’m not breaking up with Yakov.”

He cocked an eyebrow at me. His lips twitched. Mukhang gustong ngumisi but his stares alone could make me feel stupid.

“Even after what he did at the party?” he asked.

“Serj, kung pinapunta mo lang pala ako rito para—”

“Answer me, Natalia,” he ordered.

He even took a step towards me. Nagsimula akong kahaban pero pinanatili ko ang mga paa ko sa pwesto ko.

This is dangerous. Being alone in a room with him like this… This isn’t good. There was that… beastly look in his eyes that’s telling me I’m not safe right now.

“I won’t break up with Yakov.” Nanginig ang boses ko dahil sa kabang nararamdaman.

“Even if he’s a fucked-up son of a bitch?” He took another step toward me.

I was confused. He looked so mad. I just arrived not an hour ago and he looked this mad already. Ganoon ba talaga s’ya kagalit sa akin?

I was starting to get really nervous. Dahil sa kaba ay parang gusto ko na lang tumakbo palabas ng room na ’yon. I was trying to stop my knees from shaking under his harsh gaze.

“Why are you being like this?” natatakot ko nang tanong dahil patuloy pa rin s’ya sa paglapit sa akin. Hindi naman ako makaatras dahil parang nakapako na ang mga paa ko sa sahig.

He showed me a cruel smirk.

“Your answer, love.”

I shivered. The endearment was sweet but the tone of his voice told me otherwise. It was so terrifying I almost froze.

“No, Serj…” My voice was shaking. “Hindi ako makikipag-break sa kapatid mo.”

He stopped advancing when he was only a few inches away from me. Ramdam na ramdam ko na ang init sa katawan n’ya at naamoy ko na rin ang pabangong ginamit n’ya.

He let out a soft chuckle. He leaned in. I stilled as I waited for his mouth to level with my ears.

“Even if he’s cheating?” he whispered with a raspy voice.

“What?”

Lumayo si Serj sa akin. He looked at me and his eyes were so cold and emotionless.

“Will you break up with him if you find out that he’s cheating?”

I was so confused. Hindi ko alam kung anong gusto n’yang mangyari. Hindi ko alam kung saan papunta ang usapan namin. 

“Yakov will not cheat on me,” I said.

I mean, he knew that his mom will find out about it. Alam n’yang palaging ako ang kinakampihan ni Tita Tessa. Kaya nga kampante akong hindi s’ya gagawa ng kalokohan. He wouldn’t want to disappoint his mom.

“What if he cheats though?” Serj asked, challenging me.

I looked him straight in the eye.

“Yakov won’t do that.”

He smirked at me.

“You’re not answering my question, love…”

Serj looked like he was already at his limit. Na kapag hindi ko pa sinagot nang maayos ang tanong n’ya, he would do something to me so I would answer it. 

So, I tried hard to think about his question. What would I do if Yakov cheated on me? Would I break up with him?

“I guess… yes,” sabi ko pero mukhang hindi iyon sapat sa kanya dahil tumaas ang isang kilay n’ya.

“Yes, what?” Serj demanded.

“I’ll break up with Yakov if he cheats on me.”

Serj let out a terrifying smirk that my whole body shivered. He looked satisfied, really satisfied with my answer and he looked like was planning to do something horrifying.

“Such great timing…”

I was confused when he held the small of my back and guided me near the glass wall. Sumunod na lang ako sa kanya at napasinghap sa rami ng taong nakikita ko. I suddenly wondered how he could spot me earlier.

My back straightened when I felt him behind me. He was so close. Nakadikit na ang katawan n’ya sa likod ko at ramdam na ramdam ko ang init na nagmumula sa kanya.

He crouched down and his face was on my right shoulder. Sobrang magkalapit ang mga mukha namin na kapag lumingon ako sa kanya ay mahahalikan ko na ang pisngi n’ya.

“Look, Natalia.”

Tumingin ako sa baba pero dagat ng mga taong nagsasaya lang ang nakikita ko. I didn’t know what he wanted me to see.

He chuckled against my ear. Napasinghap ako nang lumapat ang kanan n’yang kamay sa dibdib ko. His pinkie was already touching my cleavage a bit. I could really feel the roughness of his hand against my soft skin.

He caressed his way so slowly up to my neck. I let out a whimper with the sensation and I swear I could hear him smirk like he was enjoying my reaction. His hand stopped on my neck as his thumb and index finger were on each side of my jaw.

“There,” he said with a voice so deep.

Using his thumb and index finger, he angled my head to where he wanted me to look. Noong una ay nahirapan pa ako dahil ramdam na ramdam ko ang init ng palad n’yang nasa leeg ko that it was making me feel something. But after a while, I saw it.

No. I saw them. Yakov and Sabrina.

On the couch almost at the corner, I saw them talking so closely. Halos wala nang makakadaang hangin sa pagitan nilang dalawa.

At first, they were just talking.

Then after one or two minutes of watching them, I saw the two of them kiss.

Chapter 20

At first, my brain couldn’t register what I was seeing. Patuloy lang ako sa panonood sa nangyayari sa baba, sa kung anong nakikita ko ngayon. It was like my brain suddenly shut down and failed to recognize those two people kissing. No, my brain refused to recognize them. ’Cause if I did, I knew it would damage me. It would inflict great damage on me.

Pero nandoon na ang katotohanan sa harapan ko. The truth was already slapping me in the face. And no matter how much I didn’t want to believe it; I just couldn’t deny it anymore.

Yakov was cheating on me.

He was still kissing Sabrina like they were the only ones in the world. Para bang walang ibang tao sa paligid nila. Yakov’s hands were all over Sabrina’s body, caressing her back and pulling her closer to him like he couldn’t get enough of her.

And by the looked of it, it seemed like this wasn’t the first time they did it. They were in sync. Alam na alam nila ang galaw ng bawat isa while they exchange kisses.

I couldn’t understand what I was feeling. Anger… Disappointment… Halo-halo ang nararamdaman ko at nanatili na lang akong nakatayo roon, pinapanood sila.

Suddenly, my childhood with Yakov flashed in my mind. He was my best friend. My only playmate. ’Yung kasama kong tumatakas sa mga boring party na dindaluhan ng mga magulang namin. Yakov would be the mastermind. He would invite me to leave the party secretly.

We were young teenagers back then. Sasama naman ako kay Yakov dahil kampante akong hindi ako mapapagalitan kapag nalaman ng mga magulang ko kung sinong kasama ko.

We will leave the party without eating anything as we didn’t like the food they were serving. We even called it “oldies food.” We will eat at a fast-food restaurant while still wearing the dress and suit. Pinagtitinginan kami ng mga tao but we didn’t care. We were too hungry to care.

I really liked him. There were moments in my life when Yakov made it exciting. I was comfortable with him.

Where did everything go wrong? Why is he there now kissing his best friend when we were still together?

I’d never imagined he could do this. That he would cheat on me. Kampante akong hinding-hindi magagawa ni Yakov ang ganito dahil alam ko kung gaano n’ya kamahal ang ina n’ya. At dahil palaging ako ang kinakampihan ni Tita Tessa, hindi gumawa ng kahit anong kalokohan noon si Yakov.

Kahit noong mga college pa kami at may nagtanong sa akin kung hindi raw ba ako nagseselos sa closeness nina Yakov at Sabrina. They asked me if what would I do if Yakov would cheat on me with Sabrina.

Still, I trusted him. ’Cause aside from being his girlfriend, I was his friend. His childhood friend. The one who’s been together with him since we were kids.

But now… Yakov broke my trust. Dahil sa ginawa n’yang ’to, para bang hindi n’ya pinahalagahan ang mga pinagsamahan namin. Ang pagiging magkaibigan ng mga magulang namin. He set aside our families and my feelings and just cheated on me.

He could’ve just broken up with me if he really wanted to be with Sabrina. Yet why… Why did he choose to do this?

“Why is he…” Hindi ko na nagawang ituloy ang tanong ko. Hindi ko kayang ituloy.

“Hmm… Curious, isn’t it?” Serj said in a whisper.

His hand went down slightly so his whole hand was now holding my neck. Despite what I was seeing, I just couldn’t ignore the sensation that his hand was giving me.

I felt his fingers lightly pressing the sides of my neck sending shivers down my whole body. When I took a short sharp breath, that’s when he only released me. Pero hindi pa rin s’ya tuluyang lumayo sa akin.

“You knew about this?” tanong kong ang tinutukoy ay sina Yakov at Sabrina.

I looked at Serj through the corner of my eyes and noticed him smirking.

“Maybe.”

His other hand snaked around my waist. Napaderetso tuloy ako ng tayo. His left hand rested on my tummy and I felt him slightly pulling me close to him. He was already caging me so I didn’t have a choice but to move as he wanted.

Lumapat ang likod ko sa dibdib ni Serj. I could feel how chiseled and hard his chest was. Para bang masarap na lang humilig doon at kalimutan ang lahat ng nangyari. Naramdaman ko ang paglapat ng mga labi n’ya sa buhok ko.

“Now, Natalia… Are you going to break up with my dumbass brother?”

Napatingin ulit ako kina Yakov at Sabrina. They’d stopped kissing already but they were still so close together, acting so sweet. Anyone that could see them right now would think that they’re together.

Shit… I really hate this. I hate Yakov. I hate Sabrina. I hate my mother who’s still pushing my relationship with Yakov when he’s here, cheating on me like he didn’t really care what I would feel.

“You’re enjoying this,” I said, slightly turning my head to the side so I could take a glimpse of Serj.

“What?” he asked, amused.

“You’re enjoying seeing me hurt.”

He chuckled. He levelled his lips on my ear again as his right hand held me by the waist as well. Ngayon ay wala na talaga akong kawala sa kanya.

“You have no idea how much I want to hurt you. But not this way, Natalia… Not when you’re hurting because of someone else.”

I frowned. I couldn’t understand what he was trying to say.

“What?” So, he wanted to hurt me himself?

He scoffed, letting out a short laugh through his nose.

“Nothing… I’m not even one bit enjoying this.” Naramdaman ko ang paghigpit ng kapit n’ya sa akin. mas lalo tuloy akong napasandal sa kanya. “You still haven’t answered the question,” he demanded.

“Of course, I will, Serj. I will break up with Yakov.”

Tinignan ko ulit ang dalawang nasa baba. Huh… Hindi pa nga nawawala ang sama ng loob ko kay Yakov when he called me by names. And now he’s doing this…

“I had enough,” I said. “I had enough. Pagod na ako. Parang walang saysay ang lahat ng mga ginagawa ko.”

“They don’t see your worth.”

Huh… Serj might be right. After everything, everything I’ve done. Everything I’ve sacrificed. All that just for this.

I felt so insulted. What the hell was Yakov’s thinking cheating on me like this? Sa tingin n’ya talaga ay walang makakahuli sa kanya? Hanggang kailan n’ya planong itago ’to?

For a moment, I wanted to feign ignorance about this just to see and watch him lying, trying to make a fool out of me. Pero wala sa plano kong magpakatanga pa sa kanya.

I could hear Serj smirking. Parang alam n’ya kung anong nararamdaman at iniisip ko ngayon.

“Want them to pay for what they did to you and take revenge?”

Bahagya akong lumayo sa kanya para sana tignan s’ya pero hindi n’ya ako hinayaang makalayo kahit isang pulgada man lang.

“What?” I asked.

He chuckled.

“I would skin Yakov alive for you. Dip him in salt water until he begs for his life. But of course… I won’t show him any mercy.”

“Serj!” I was horrified by what he said.

“Or I could cut his tongue first, gauge his eyeballs out, cut his dick—”

“Serj, ano ba?! Kapatid mo ’yan!”

He chuckled mercilessly. Hindi ko mapaniwalaan ang mga salitang lumabas mula sa bibig n’ya. Though I knew that he was just kidding and he wouldn’t really do it, I still felt scared. I even felt a cold chill down my spine that I almost quivered in fear. Like he was actually telling the truth…

I tried to get off him but his hold just tightened. Mukhang wala talagang planong patakasin ako.

“Of course, I was kidding,” he said with a chuckle. “But you, love, can hurt him.”

Mahina akong natawa, ignoring the way he just called me.

“I can’t, Serj. Mas malakas sa ’kin si Yakov.”

“I’m not talking about physically, though.”

He made me look at Yakov and Sabrina again. He was holding me by the neck, using his thumb and forefinger to angle my head so I would see them clearly.

They were kissing again. It took everything I had not to stomp my way to where they were and… And then what?

I would just make a scene and it would make me look pathetic. That’s the last thing I want. I could at least save my pride.

Hindi naman ako ang nakagawa ng kasalanan pero bakit parang sa akin mapupunta ang lahat ng sisi?

“Watch them, Natalia… Watch what they are doing behind your back.”

The longer I watched them, the stronger the anger that I felt. I wanted to look away ’cause I was starting to feel bad for myself. I was starting to feel pathetic. But Serj wouldn’t let me. Para pa ngang iyon talaga ang gusto n’yang mangyari.

“If you want to take revenge for what they’ve made you feel, I had an idea on what you can do,” Serj whispered like he was trying to tell me a deep and dark plan.

I saw Yakov and Sabrina both pull away from the kiss. Yakov was smiling. They were both smiling while I was here, feeling so pathetic and miserable.

“Break up with Yakov,” Serj said.

“I would definitely do that, Serj—”

“Through text.” He cut off my words. “Being the immature he is, that would definitely hurt his fucking ego.”

I shook my head. Glaring at the two now who looked so sweet with each other. Nakita ko pang binubulong-bulungan ni Yakov si Sabrina.

“I don’t think that would be enough—”

“Whoa…” Serj let out a chuckle. “They really did you dirty, huh?”

His hand moved to the side of my neck. He turned my head to his side so I could fully look at him. He stared at me. His blue eyes roamed around my face. Nagtagal ang titig n’ya sa mga labi ko bago iyon bumalik sa mga mata ko.

“Don’t worry, Natalia. This plan will work.” He smirked. “You just have to do it now.”

I stared at him. I could still feel his strong body behind me. His face was so close I could already smell his fresh breath mixed with alcohol he had just drunk earlier. And it was making me feel intoxicated.

He was so hot. He was so handsome. His whole existence was so hypnotic.

“Okay…” I found myself saying.

Mukhang nagustuhan n’ya ang sinabi ko. He smirked before he let go of my neck so I could take my phone out of my clutch bag. I composed a text for Yakov.

My hands were shaking as I typed my message. Hindi ko alam kung para saan. If it was because of what I was about to do, or the cold I felt from the air conditioner that was inside the room. Or the warm breath of Serj that I could feel fanning on my cold skin from my bare shoulders every time he exhaled. Or the slow caress of his hands on my waist.

Despite all that, I finally managed to send the text to Yakov. I felt like it took me an hour to type in the text as my hands were shaking so much.

“Now, what?” I asked.

I heard him smirk.

“You really are lacking the patience, Natalia.”

“So, we’ll just wait?”

“Hmm-mhm.”

We both watched Yakov and Sabrina again. He was busy talking-flirting with her that I don’t think Yakov would check his phone anytime soon. I remembered when Yakov took so long to respond to my texts and calls lately. He told me a lot of excuses. Now I know the real reason why.

“I don’t think he’ll—”

Napatigil ako sa pagsasalita nang makita kong tumayo si Sabrina. She said something and Yakov was about to stand up too but she shook her head. Nakita kong tinatahak ni Sabrina ang daan papuntang restroom. Sinundan pa s’ya ng tingin ni Yakov na parang sinisigurong safe s’yang makakarating foon. I figured that Yakov offered to guide her earlier.

Huh… What a gentleman…

When Yakov made sure that she was safe, he took out his phone inside the pocket of his pants. My heart hammered. I was so sure he would see my text.

What will he do? Will he ignore it? If he did, then that would only show na wala nga s’yang pakialam sa akin.

My question got answered when I saw Yakov tapping on his phone before he put it on his ear. Seconds later, my phone rang. I checked and saw that Yakov was calling me.

“Yakov’s calling me,” I stated the obvious. Ipinakita ko pa ang screen ng phone ko kay Serj.

I started to panic. What should I do? Should I answer it? And what the hell was I feeling nervous about? I’m not the one who cheated!

“Answer it,” Serj said in a serious tone. Para bang nararamdaman n’ya ang pagpa-panic ko.

“What?” kinakabahan ko pang tanong. “Yakov will hear the music.”

The music from the speakers outside was muffled inside the room but I knew that if I ever answered the phone, Yakov would hear it.

Serj let out a soft chuckle like he was not even concerned about what I was worried about.

“That’s the purpose, Natalia.”

“What?” Malalaman ni Yakov na nandito ako ngayon. He knew I was not into clubs so he would definitely wonder what I was doing here!

But then again, what is wrong with that? I was not the one who was kissing another girl who was not even his girlfriend. Kung hindi ako pinapunta si Serj diti ngayon, hindi ko pa malalaman ang kalokohang ginagawa n’ya.

“Just answer the call. Now.”

The way Serj said it sounded like a command and it wouldn’t do me any good if I disobeyed it. Right now, mas takot akong hindi s’ya sundin kaysa sa sagutin ang tawag ni Yakov.

Plus, I shouldn’t even feel scared or guilty. Hindi ko dapat maramdaman na parang ako pa ang may kasalanan sa aming dalawa. I did nothing wrong. My boyfriend cheated on me and it was the right thing to break up with him.

I took a deep breath, getting myself ready before I tapped the answer button.

“Hello.”

“Nat?”

I frowned. I couldn’t hear him properly over the loud music.

“Where are you? Are you in a club?” tanong ko kahit kitang-kita ko naman si Yakov mula sa kung nasaan ako.

Huh… I just figured that Serj must’ve chosen this room because it has the perfect view from where Yakov was. Nakikita ko ang lahat ng galaw n’ya.

I heard Serj chuckle against my ear like he was amused by what I asked Yakov.

“Good job, Natalia,” he whispered.

I saw Sabrina come back. Yakov stood up, covering his phone as he said something to her. Hindi ko narinig iyon pero nakita kong tumango si Sabrina. Moments later, I saw Yakov walking outside.

I waited until Yakov spoke again. But I flinched in surprise when I felt Serj’s lips make contact with my bare shoulders.

“Serj!” I hissed, trying to warn him in a whisper dahil baka marinig ni Yakov.

But Serj just chuckled and pulled me closer to him. Magkadikit na magkadikit na ang mga katawan namin. I could feel the roughness of his pants on the back of my thighs and legs. I tried to get off him but to no avail as his hold on me was so strong.

“Wait—”

“Nat?”

“Yakov!” gulat kong sabi nang bigla ko s’yang marinig na nagsalita mula sa kabilang linya.

Nahati ang atensyon ko sa ginagawa ni Serj at sa pakikipag-usap kay Yakov. It looked like Serj wasn’t even planning to stop even though he knew that Yakov was talking on the phone with me again. I even saw the wicked smirk on his lips when he heard me say Yakov’s name.

“I saw your text,” Yakov said from the other line. “You’re just kidding, right?”

He let out a chuckle that made me feel insulted. Na para bang hindi ko kayang makipag-break sa kanya nang totohanan. That I would be too scared because he knew the circumstances that I considered.

Napataas ang isang kilay ko roon. So, is that why he cheated on me? Dahil iniisip n’yang hindi ko kayang makipaghiwalay sa kanya? Pwede namang s’ya na ang makipaghiwalay sa akin kung gusto n’ya talaga si Sabrina hindi ’yung lolokohin n’ya ako ng ganito!

I gritted my teeth. Maybe… I should consider what Serj had said earlier. About those things that he wanted to do with his brother.

“No, I’m not, Yakov,” I said firmly. “I’m breaking up with you.”

Mabuti na lang at tapos na akong magsalita dahil muli kong naramdaman ang paglapat ng mga labi ni Serj sa balikat ko. This time, his lips stayed for a while.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang umangat pa ang mga kamay ni Serj na nakahawak lang sa bewang ko. He caressed the curves of my waist that sent chills; a different chill from what I felt earlier; a chill mixed with sensation that was making me feel so hot despite the cold inside the room, down my whole body.

“Wait…” I whispered, trying to stop Serj pero nakalimutan kong nakatapat pa nga rin pala ang phone sa bibig ko.

“Nat?” si Yakov na mukhang nagtataka na.

“No.” I cleared my throat. “I’m not talking to you.”

“What? Wait— I can hear music from where you are.”

Bigla akong kinabahan pero hindi hinayaan ni Serj na magtagal ang nararamdaman kong ’yon. He trailed kisses to my shoulder, planting soft and noisy kisses on my skin. Pigil na pigil akong makagawa ng ingay nang dahil sa ginagawa n’ya.

“It’s from where you are, Yakov.” I felt like I was already out of breath from trying to stop myself from squirming. “Are you in a club?”

Serj let out another soft and raspy chuckle I was afraid Yakov could already hear it. Pero nawala agad ang pag-aalala kong ’yon at napalitan ng kakaibang pakiramdam when Serj kissed the hollow part where my neck and shoulder connect. I had to bite my lower lip to stop letting out any weird sound.

“Ah, oo. Nagkayayaan lang,” Yakov said. “I needed to unwind because of how busy I was these days.”

I almost laughed at that.

“Sinong kasama mo?” I asked. Just to see if he would lie again.

“Ano… Si kuya.”

Oh, you lying piece of shit.

I couldn’t help the sharp intake of breath that I let out when Serj’s hand fisted on my hair and tugged it to the side so my neck would be exposed more to him and he could have more access to it. I couldn’t stop the soft moan that escaped from my lips when he kissed the spot behind my ear.

“Nat?” untag ni Yakov nang may ilang sandali akong hindi nakapagsalita dahil sa ginagawa ni Serj sa akin.

“Hmm?” That sounded like a moan so I had to hide it by clearing my throat.

But I felt Serj licked his way down to my neck. His tongue felt so wet and hot against my skin. I felt like my whole body was on fire right now. Halos manginig na ang mga tuhod ko dahil sa sensasyon at naisandal ko na ang buong bigat ko kay Serj.

He licked my skin in a circular motion, sucking and licking it again that almost taking the air out of my lungs. I was already breathing hard and I was sure that Yakov could hear my hard breathing like I was in pain.

“Nat, are you okay?”

“Yes…” I breathe. “Anyway, what I said in the text is true. I’m breaking up with you, Yakov.”

“What?” he sounded like he was finally taking me seriously. “Nat, don’t do this. Look, let’s talk in person. Pag-usapan natin ’to, okay?”

I nodded as I wanted to end the call quickly. Hindi ko na makayanan ang ginagawa sa akin ni Serj. He was making me feel so hot and I was so sure I would let out another weird sound and that might gave Yakov an idea about what was happening to me.

“Yeah… Let’s meet,” I said.

Pero mukhang hindi nagustuhan ni Serj ang sinabi ko. I felt a sharp pain when he suddenly bit my shoulder.

“Ouch!” I exclaimed.

“Nat? What happened?” tanong ni Yakov sa kabilang linya.

I shook my head as if he could see me. What Serj just did make me come out of my trance.

“Nothing. I’ll just text you, Yakov,” sabi ko at hindi na hinintay na makapagsalita s’ya. Ibinaba ko na ang tawag.

The moment I ended the call, I broke free of Serj. Good thing that he let me get away from him this time. I glared at him but he looked like he was not even affected by it.

“What the hell are you doing?” I asked. Napahawak ako sa parte ng balikat kong kinagat n’ya.

Shit… I could still feel his hot lips and wet tongue on my skin. My chest was still heaving up and down and I know the real reason why.

“You’re still going to talk to him?” he asked me coldly.

I didn’t back out kahit natatakot ako sa paraan ng tingin n’ya sa akin.

“Of course. Yakov and I need to talk properly.”

Nagsalubong ang dalawang makakapal n’yang kilay.

“Are you fucking going back to him?”

“What? No!” mabilis kong sabi. “The moment Yakov decided to cheat on me, tapos na ang realsyon namin.”

“Then you don’t have to talk to him anymore!” He looked so pissed. “That would put your revenge in vain!”

“You called that revenge?” I asked, talking about everything that just happened.

He made me break up with Yakov through text. He made me answer his call while he could hear the background music where he was and he might know I was also in there. He touched and kissed me while I was talking with my ex-boyfriend, who was his brother.

He’s calling all of that revenge?

His eyes turned vicious. Making me feel that there was something more in him that I wouldn’t be able to comprehend.

“Love, I haven’t even started yet.”

I looked at him, horrified. So, he was planning to do something more?

“You’re a devil.”

He smirked. I shivered, looking at that terrifying smirk he just gave me. It was so frightening like I was looking at the devil himself.

“Oh, Natalia… You have no idea.”

I let out a shudder breath. Napahakbang ako paatras sa takot at kabang nararamdaman ko habang nakatingin sa kanya. Napatingin si Serj sa mga paa kong umatras. He had an evil smirk on his lips when he looked at me again.

Napasinghap ako at napailing. I shook my head before I turned and walked out of the room.

I was wrong. I was so wrong about him.

Serj… He’s… He’s a devil.

A devil that was bound to dominate me.

Chapter 21

I decided to set up a meeting with Yakov the next day. I figured that it would be best if I’ll talk to him sooner. Hindi rin naman ako titigilan ni Yakov hangga’t hindi ako nakikipag-usap sa kanya. Isa pa, ayoko na rin namang patagalin ’to.

We needed to talk and have a proper breakup. I didn’t want to be like him. I didn’t want to do what he did to me. Acting like an asshole and went behind my back when he could tell everything to me instead of me finding it out that way. If he didn’t even consider our friendship and just cheated on me, then I wouldn’t do the same.

I treasured our friendship. After everything, I still treasured Yakov. He is an important friend to me. We’ve been so much together. I didn’t want to cut ties completely with him.

I just want to end our relationship. It’s just that things were not working out for both of us. 

But if there’s a way I could still keep our friendship, then I’ll consider it.

I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I didn’t put much effort into dolling myself up. Just powder and a lip tint to put color on my pale face. I didn’t have the strength to do so. I didn’t get enough sleep last night. Pakiramdam ko nga ay hindi talaga ako nakatulog.

Because of everything that happened. Because of everything that I’ve found out. Because of everything that Serj did—

I suddenly felt goosebumps on some parts of my body when I remembered last night. Particularly on my shoulders and neck and to all parts of my body where Serj made contact with me last night. Nandoon pa rin ang pakiramdam na naramdaman ko kagabi. Ang sensasyon. And I just… couldn’t shake it off.

I just couldn’t forget all of it.

I shook my head. I didn’t have to deal with those memories and feelings right now. I needed to talk with Yakov first.

Just one step at a time.

Nagmaneho na ako papunta sa restaurant kung saan namin napagkasunduan ni Yakov na magkita. I arrived ten minutes early and almost cursed.

Hindi na yata talaga mawawala ang habit kong ’to. I should’ve arrived at least five minutes early today or right on the dot. I didn’t want to look pathetic while waiting for Yakov again as if I was begging for his attention when I’m going to break up with him.

Pati ba naman sa pakikipag-break sa kanya, ako pa rin ’tong parang maghahabol sa atensyon at oras n’ya?

Huh… I just realized that I might’ve looked like a beggar during our relationship when I had to wait for Yakov for hours every time we had a date. I was always the one who’s waiting. Kaya may mga pagkakataon na nawawalan ako ng ganang makipag-date sa kanya dahil alam kong mali-late pa rin naman s’ya sa napagkakasunduan naming oras.

I had that moment in our relationship when I declined his dates for some time ’cause it felt like… he really didn’t want to have a date with me. Parang nautusan lang s’ya ni Tita Tessa. ’Cause if he really wanted it, aagahan n’ya ang dating dahil s’ya naman ang nagyaya.

Kung pagsasama-samahin siguro ang mga oras na naghintay ako kay Yakov dahil late s’ya, makakabuo ako ng dalawang buwan.

Approximately two months were wasted in my life just waiting for him.

But that wasn’t the real deal. We’ve wasted enough time in our relationship. And it’s now time to end it.

I parked my car on the parking spot just in front of the restaurant. Nanatili muna ako ng limang minuto sa loob ng kotse ko bago lumabas. I figured that it would be best kung walang makakakita sa ’king nag-aaksaya ng oras sa paghihintay kaysa naman sa loob ng restaurant kung saan pagtitinginan ako ng mga tao dahil halatang late ang date ko.

Pagbaba ko ng kotse ay saka ko napansin ang mamahaling kotse na nakaparada sa tabi lang ng sasakyan ko. It was a black Ferrari.

In the lifestyle that I have, being the daughter of a senator, I knew a lot of people who owned expensive cars. Why not when at every party, daughters and sons of the nobles like to brag about their expensive cars.

It was not unusual for me to see expensive cars but what is unusual now is that this black Ferrari was here where Yakov and I agreed to meet. It was unusual for the elites to meet in one place when there wasn’t any party held.

Ilang sandali pa akong napatitig sa sasakyan bago nagkibit-balikat na lang at dumiretso na sa entrance ng restaurant.

“Reservation for Yakov Fuentebella,” I informed the receptionist.

She smiled at me.

“This way po, ma’am. Naghihintay na po si Mr. Fuentebella sa inyo,” sabi ng receptionist at umalis na sa pwesto para i-guide ako papunta sa reserved table namin.

Napakunot ang noo ko. So, Yakov was already here? Mas maaga s’yang dumating sa akin ngayon which was very unusual. This kind of thing only happened in our relationship like once in a blue moon.

Hindi na lang ako nagsalita at tahimik na sinundan ang babae. A few steps more and I spotted Yakov sitting on a table for two just beside the window glass. Napatayo kaagad si Yakov nang makita akong paparating.

“Thank you,” sabi ko sa server nang makarating na kami sa table. She just gave me a polite smile before she left.

“Hey.” Yakov kissed me on the cheek. Pinaghila pa n’ya ako ng upuan at umupo naman ako roon.

I stilled when I suddenly felt comfortable like someone was looking at me. Iginala ko pa ang tingin ko sa restaurant but the people were too busy minding their businesses. Ipinagsawalang-bahala ko na lang ang nararamdaman ko.

“You’re early,” I said when Takov took his seat across mine as well.

“Oh… I have time.”

“You mean you’re not busy anymore?”

“Yeah.” He chuckled awkwardly. “For now.”

I just smiled at him and nodded. I felt like he was trying to make an effort with this date. Alam n’yang ayaw na ayaw kong nali-late s’ya sa usapan namin. He also knew that I was arriving minutes earlier than our agreed time kaya mas inagahan n’ya ang dating ngayon.

If only he had been like this before…

Why couldn’t he be like this before?

“That’s good…” tanging nasabi ko na lang.

“Ah, right. Let’s order, shall we?” sabi ni Yakov at kinuha ang atensyon ng server pero agad akong umiling.

“No need, Yakov. Wala naman akong planong magtagal ngayon.”

He looked confused by that.

“Huh?” Napakurap s’ya.

“I already had my lunch.”

“Oh…” he sounded disappointed. “Okay.”

He heaved a deep sigh. Inilingan ni Yakov ang server na lalapit na sana sa amin.

We went silent for a moment. I’ve already prepared for this. Hindi nga ako nakatulog nang maayos kagabi para ihanda ang mga sasabihin ko. I even recited my speech over and over in my head last night. Para sana wala akong masabing hindi makakatulong sa maayos na breakup na plano ko sana.

But now that I was in front of Yakov, I’d already forgotten everything I was planning to say. I should’ve gotten enough sleep instead. At least maybe, my mind will function properly.

“Yakov,” I started to say at least. Baka sakaling bumalik sa akin ang mga gusto kong sabihin sa kanya. “What I said in the text last night, I’m just here to confirm it. I’m breaking up with you.”

I couldn’t see the face that he made last night when I sent him the text and he read it. Hindi ko malinaw na nakita iyon dahil malayo ang distansya namin at malikot ang ilaw ng club sa baba.

But I could see his expression now. He looked really confused. Like I just told him that I saw an alien last night.

Yakov heaved another deep breath. He let it out harshly that his lower lip protruded a bit.

“I don’t… understand,” sabi n’yang halata ang pagkalito sa mukha. “Why so sudden, Nat? We were… okay.”

Tinitigan ko s’ya. He looked really lost. If I were in his shoes, I would feel the same too. He knew the reason why I wouldn’t come up with this decision in our relationship. If anything, he was confident that I wouldn’t decide this.

It wasn’t that easy. I wouldn’t be able to get out of this relationship easily. It wasn’t like when I moved out of my parents’ house.

This… My relationship with Yakov was deeper and has had more consequences not only with us but also with our parents.

But then, that was what kept me from breaking up with him. Deep inside, I wanted to do it. I just wasn’t considering the thought ’cause I knew the consequences.

His cheating was my trigger point.

“No, Yakov.” I shook my head. “This is not sudden. We both wanted this way before.”

“What?” He looked totally lost now.

“We are both hoping for this to happen. We’re just waiting to see who will take the first step. And I’m doing it now.”

“I don’t understand a thing you’re saying, Natalia.”

“We both wanted out of this relationship, Yakov. Pareho tayong nakakulong sa relasyong ’to because of the consequences. Because of our parents. That’s why it’s not working for both of us.”

“What?” Halos malukot na ang mukha ni Yakov sa sobrang pagtataka. “Natalia, ang tagal na ng relasyon natin yet why now— Is it because of your shop? Because you’re branching out again?”

“What?” It was my turn to frown.

“Because you’re gonna be busy?” Yakov had this look like he figured everything out.

Mabilis akong umiling.

“No! Hindi pa nga ako nakakapagplano—”

“Then why—”

“Because I know you are cheating on me.”

Agad s’yang natigilan dahil sa sinabi ko. Kitang-kita ko ang gulat sa mukha n’ya. He looked lost for words. Nagpalipat-lipat pa ang tingin n’ya sa dalawang mga mata ko.

“Nat, what— What are you talking about?”

I gave him a tired look. I was disappointed with his question.

Is he playing ignorant now?

“Last night, I was there too… In the club.”

I waited until Yakov could finally take my words in. He seemed in total shock. I didn’t want to just push everything in him. I want to take it slow so he can understand everything. So, we would have the clean breakup that I wanted.

He might even conceal his guilt and that’s the thing that I was avoiding. I wanted to be in control of this breakup, of his emotions. Baka kasi mauwi lang sa away itong paghihiwalay namin if ever our emotions would clash.

I still want to be friends with him.

I noticed Yakov frown.

“I thought the music I was hearing was from mine,” he said. “Why were you in a club? Ayaw mo sa mga ganoong lugar, ’di ba?” He looked suspicious now. Halos panghinaan ako ng loob dahil doon.

I took a deep breath.

“Is that really the problem here?”

Natigilan ulit si Yakov. I knew that he was seeing my point. I could even see the hesitation in his eyes na alam ko kung para saan. He was hesitating if he should tell me the truth or not.

Hindi ako nagsalita. I gave him time and a chance to admit his cheating. To at least… show me that he still cares. Na katulad ko, may pagpapahalaga pa rin s’ya sa pinagsamahan at pagkakaibigan namin. To show me that he was at least guilty and wanted to come clean and ask my forgiveness on his own.

Pero ilang beses yata akong madi-disappoint ng dahil kay Yakov. I’ve given him enough time but he still wasn’t saying anything. He just had this guilty look on his face as he hesitates whether to tell me or not. And it wasn’t enough for me.

“You know, Yakov… We shouldn’t even have started this relationship in the first place. We were young when we started this kaya hindi natin napag-isipan na hindi pala tayo dapat nagpadala sa sinabi ng parents natin noon. Iyon kasi ’yung naging batayan natin sa pagsisimula ng relasyon natin.”

“No, Nat…” He shook his head. “I like you.”

“I know…” Sa kabila ng lahat ay napangiti ako. “And I like you too. I wouldn’t let myself start a relationship with you if I didn’t feel anything for you. There were moments in my life when you made my life exciting. You made me happy. But… that’s not enough.”

Nabura ang ngiti sa mga labi ko. Now that I’ve finally considered this thought, now that I’ve opened this way in my life, I saw how really wrong our relationship was. We were just both looking away from the truth kaya pareho rin naming hindi iyon nakikita.

It’s time to correct this.

“Ang dami nating pagkakaiba. I tried keeping up with you, to relate with you, and to like what you liked.” I let out a tired sigh. “But I just really couldn’t. I was the reserve girlfriend while you were the happy-go-lucky boyfriend. To some people, that might’ve been the perfect couple but… not for us.”

“You got so busy, Nat. You were busy with your studies. Ang akala ko magbabago ’yon kapag naka-graduate na tayo. Pero mas lalo ka lang naging busy dahil sa shop mo.”

Tumango-tango ako. I know. I was at fault too. Hindi ko naman ipinapasa kay Yakov ang lahat ng naging mali sa relationship namin. I was probably the reason why he became so distant. I got busy and he got busy with his hobbies as well.

But then, I always try hard to still connect with him. Bumabawi naman ako sa kanya. Pero s’ya naman ang nagiging busy sa panahong ’yon. May isang linggo s’yang nawawala dahil sa pag-e-explore. Kung minsan pa nga ay isang buwan. Pinakamatagal ang dalawang buwan. Wala akong alam sa mga ginagawa n’ya.

Our time wouldn’t just… meet.

“And you got busy exploring places,” I said. “Things were not just working out for both of us. In a relationship, partners should help each other to grow and their relationship would grow with them as well. Pero hindi kasi ganoon ang nangyayari sa ’tin, Yakov. We were stopping each other’s dreams.”

Noong una ay tahimik lang si Yakov. He was thinking about my words. And I knew that he wasn’t that dumb to understand everything I was trying to say. I knew that Yakov felt it too. Kaya naman nang tumango s’ya ay hindi na ako nagulat.

I gave him a small smile.

“The one who can help you grow might be her… Sabrina.”

I saw the overflowing guilt in his eyes. Pilit kong pinanatili ang tipid na ngiti sa mga labi ko kahit na parang bigla ay gusto ko na lang maluha at maawa para sa sarili ko.

“I’m so sorry, Nat…”

I pursed my lips. I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t force myself to say that it was okay like I used to do whenever Yakov made a mistake. ’Cause this one, this one wasn’t okay for me. I got hurt. I got mad. I felt so disrespected.

They went behind my back and made a fool of me. Which left me with so many questions. I know I lack things pero hindi naman ganoong kalaki ang naging kasalanan ko para gawin nila iyon sa akin.

I trusted them, I trusted him pero sinira lang ni Yakov ang tiwala ko. Hindi ko kayang magkunwaring ayos lang sa akin ang lahat.

“Sana sinabi mo na lang sa ’kin kaysa sa ganito. Matatanggap at maiintindihan ko naman, Yakov, kung ayaw mo na.”

Marahas s’yang napasuklay sa buhok gamit ang mga daliri n’ya. Nagulo na tuloy ang pagkakaayos ng buhok n’ya.

“I know… I’m sorry, Nat. It’s just… I couldn’t end it too.”

“Kaya nga ako na ang tumatapos ngayon, Yakov. This is the best for us.”

Lito n’ya akong tinignan.

“You’re being calm after what I did. Maiintindihan ko kung magagalit ka sa ’kin.”

“I was,” I admitted. “Pero… ayokong masayang ang pinagsamahan natin. Ang pagkakaibigan natin.”

He let out a troubled sigh mixed with a chuckle. Sumandal s’ya sa upuan at tinitigan ako.

“I bet you’ll have a different reaction if you love me.”

Natigilan ako roon. Then I let out a tired laugh and made a small smile.

I actually wondered how I could take it like this too. Kung paano ko napigilan ang sarili ko kagabi kahit na pinapanood ko silang naghahalikan ni Sabrina. Kahit na alam kong niloloko ako ni Yakov. I wondered why I didn’t feel so mad and was even trying to save my friendship with him.

That’s when it hit me. I didn’t love him. After those years of being in a relationship with him, hindi ko man lang natutunan na mahalin s’ya. I liked him but not enough to say that I love him. I already know that but… I still chose to turn a blind eye.

Mali nga talagang sinimulan pa namin ang relasyon namin.

“I know you don’t love me too, Yakov. Kaya dapat lang na itigil na natin ’to kaysa sa magkasiraan pa tayo.”

Yakov let out a chuckle. He didn’t even deny what I said.

Alam ko. Nararamdaman ko naman. We just got overwhelmed that we’re both comfortable and already knew almost everything about each other kaya naisip namin na baka nga pwedeng maging kami. That maybe… our relationship would work out that way.

I actually felt bad for both of us. Pareho naming ayaw ma-disappoint ang parents namin kaya hindi na namin napag-isipan nang mabuti ang mga bagay at basta na lang pumasok sa relasyong ’to.

“What about our parents?” Yakov asked.

“I think your parents will understand if you’d be honest with them. Lalo na si Tita Tessa.” I smiled at him. “Ako nang bahala kay mommy.”

“Are you sure?” Nakita ko ang pag-aalangan sa mga mata n’ya. He knew how extreme my mother could be.

Tumango ako.

“Hmm. Maybe you should tell your parents about Sabrina too.”

Napakamot s’ya sa gilid ng kilay n’ya.

“Ihahanda ko muna sila,” he said. “Alam mo namang gustong-gusto ka ni mommy.”

“My mom likes you so much as well.”

We both chuckled. I know we were feeling the same right now. We were worried about how our parents would take our breakup but at least… we felt free now.

Yakov smiled at me.

“Friends?”

Natawa ako pero maya-maya ay tumango rin.

“Friends.”

I felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest when I finally left the restaurant and drove my way to my shop.

Before I left, Yakov even gave me a tight hug. I guess he was relieved. Kahit hindi n’ya sabihin, I knew that he still felt guilty. Sunod-sunod ang naging pagkakalabuan namin lately and I even found out that he was cheating. He was relieved that I was still willing to be friends with him.

I knew that he treasured me as his friend as well. Things just became really complicated for us. Pero noong magkaibigan naman kami, ang ayos-ayos ng lahat. We were both happy. Kaya sa tingin ko ay magiging maayos na kaming dalawa ni Yakov kung mananatili na lang kaming magkaibigan.

“Ma’am Nat! Akala namin hindi ka papasok ngayon,” gulat na sabi ni Millie nang pumasok ako sa shop.

I smiled at her and walked towards the counter where Andrea was. She looked surprised to see me as well.

“Naisipan kong dumiretso rito after kong makipag-meet kay Yakov since wala rin naman akong gagawin ngayon.”

“Nagkita kayo ni Sir Yakov ngayon, ma’am?” mas nagulat pang tanong ni Millie.

“Yes,” kunot-noong sabi ko. Nagtataka sa ikinikilos nilang dalawa. “May problema ba?”

Nang magkatinginan sila na may pag-aalala sa mga mukha nila ay doon ko nakumpirmang may mali nga. Napalitan ng kaba ang kaninang gaan na nararamdaman ko sa dibdib ko.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Ma’am kasi…” Alanganin pa ang paraan ng pagsasalita ni Andrea. “Nag-open na po ba kayo ng Facebook?”

“Huh? Hindi pa. Bakit?”

Nagkatinginan pa ulit sina Andrea at Millie bago ibinigay ni Anrea ang hawak n’yang phone sa akin.

“Ito po, oh.”

Kinuha ko ang phone mula sa kanya. I didn’t have to scroll dahil nakabungad na iyon sa isang post. I didn’t recognize the name but the post already recieved a thousand likes, comments, and shares.

Hindi ko na kinailangang basahin pa ang post kung tungkol saan iyon dahil may ideya na ako kung ano iyon when I saw the attached photos with the post. The photos were dim, probably because the place where it was taken was dim as well. Pero halatang-halatang sa loob iyon ng isang club.

It was focused on the two people sitting on the couch just in the corner. And I knew who those two were.

It was Yakov and Sabrina. Someone took a photo of them in the bar last night.

Chapter 22

It wasn’t enough to say that I was only surprised when I saw that particular Facebook post. The surprise was an understatement. I had to stare at the photo for what felt like an hour to process the two people in the photo were really Yakov and Sabrina.

It was posted by someone I don’t know. Apat na photo ang naka-attach sa post kaya kahit ang pang-apat na photo ay kitang-kita na. That was the most vulgar one. It showed that moment when Yakov and Sabrina were kissing and Yakov’s hands were all over Sabrina’s body.

Ang unang tatlong photo ay mukhang nag-uusap lang sila pero magkadikit naman ang dalawa. There was even one photo where Yakov was whispering something in Sabrina’s ear and she was smiling widely.

Kahit ’yung unang tatlong photo lang ay masasabi nang may namamagitan sa dalawa. But the fourth photo really confirmed what was going on between them.

I just… couldn’t believe that someone took a photo of them last night. I know that a lot of people know Yakov. He was famous in his way, being the son of the Chief of PNP, and a travel vlogger. Plus, he is also my boyfriend.

As a daughter of a senator and a fashion designer owning a boutique, I was the same too. We both have a social media influence, especially since we have a lot of followers. Hindi naman kami ganoong kasikat na kahit saan magpunta ay may makakakilala sa amin. But still, marami pa rin ang nakakakilala sa amin.

The person who posted and took photos of Sabrina and Yakov surely knows us and my relationship with Yakov. They knew that we hadn’t broken up yet so that’s why they took the photo to expose his cheating.

Kaya naman hindi na ako nagtaka nang makita ang mga comment na halos mine-menton ang account ko. My Facebook notification was probably blowing up right now. I had the urge to turn off my phone again ’cause I had the feeling that anytime, makakatanggap ako ng tawag sa mga kakilala ko kapag nakita na rin nila ang post.

I took a deep breath. Habang dumadaan ang ilang minuto ay mas dumadami ang engagment ng post. Pakiramdam ko ay kahit hindi mga nakakakilala sa amin ay nagse-share na rin ng post. Para ipakalat ang panloloko ni Yakov sa akin. That Yakov is a cheater.

“Alam n’yo ba ’yung tungkol dito, ma’am?”

Napatingin ako kay Andrea. Both her and Millie were looking at me with worried looks on their faces. I didn’t have any idea what face I was making right now pero base sa nakikita kong reaksyon nila ay mukhang hindi maganda iyon. I didn’t even notice that my hands were trembling. Napansin ko lang nang ibinalik ko na ang phone kay Andrea.

Nakatingin silang dalawa sa akin at naghihintay ng sagot. Ayoko na sanang sagutin but… I just told them that I’ve met with Yakov earlier. And they were one of those people who knew us personally and about our relationship.

Isa pa… ayokong magmukhang kaawa-awa sa paningin nila.

“Yeah…” maikli kong sagot.

Nagkatinginan silang dalawa. Mukhang nalilito na ngayon. Thankfully, they didn’t ask any more questions. They knew their limitations. Alam ko rin namang mafi-figure out nila ang dahilan kung bakit ako nakipagkita kay Yakov ngayon kahit hindi ko na sabihin sa kanila.

My hands were still trembling. Umakyat iyon papuntang balikat ko and suddenly, I could feel my whole body shaking with distress. Niyakap ko ang sariling katawan habang sinusubukang kumalma pero nahihirapan akong gawin ’yon.

When I left the restaurant earlier, I thought that my issues with Yakov was over now. Ang akala ko ay tapos na ang isang problema ko. Problemang matagal kong hindi hinarap.

Pero mukhang ayaw yata ng tadhanang pagbigyan akong makahinga man lang nang maluwag kahit saglit lang. It didn’t even last for an hour. As soon as I got to the shop, this news broke. It was posted a couple of hours ago kaya ibig sabihin, habang nakikipag-usap ako kay Yakov ay pinagpipyestahan na pala ng mga tao ang problema namin.

Alam na kaya ni Yakov? Hindi ko na binasa ang mga sinasabi ng tao sa comment dahil alam kong hindi magaganda iyon.

My phone rang and my body stilled. I looked at my purse in horror. Like I was looking at the scariest and most dangerous haunted house that existed. I have a feeling that whoever was calling might bring doom to my almost perfect day.

My phone continued ringing. Pinilit ko ang katawan kong gumalaw para kunin ang phone sa loob ng purse ko. Dahan-dahan ko pang iniharap ang screen sa akin para makita kung sino ang tumatawag.

It was my mom.

Shit…

I didn’t want to answer it. Alam kong nakita na n’ya ang post. I just wished that she found it out by herself. She wouldn’t like it more if someone had told her about it.

I took a deep breath to brace myself. After I let out my breath, I suddenly felt miserable.

Why does it seem like talking with mom was like I was going to a battlefield when it should be the other way around? Shouldn’t it feel like she was my ally and additional strength on a battlefield and we’ll face it together? Why does her presence felt so terrifying instead of comforting?

I answered the call, wishing that I should’ve turned off my phone earlier.

“Hello, mom?”

“Natalia! What the hell is this?” her voice sounded angry. Hindi man n’ya sabihin ay alam ko na ang tinutukoy n’ya. “Ano ’tong post na ’to sa Facebook?!”

I took a deep breath. I raked my hand in my hair, grabbed a fistful on the top before releasing it. Ang mga hibla ay bumagsak sa gilid ng mukha ko.

“Mom, just… Just stop looking at it.”

“Anong stop looking at it, eh, kung hindi pa sinabi sa akin ng Tita Marjorie mo, hindi ko pa malalaman?! Ano na namang kahihiyan ’to, Natalia?!”

Mariin akong napapikit. Tumalikod ako at naglakad papunta sa back office ko para hindi marinig nina Millie at Andrea ang usapan namin. I closed the door behind me. Pagod akong umupo sa office chair ko.

“Mom… wala naman ako sa mga photo na ’yon,” I reasoned out.

“But you are Yakov’s girlfriend! Ikaw dapat ang kasama n’ya sa picture! You should’ve been the one people should see he was kissing with! Not some whoever bitch this is!”

“He was cheating on me. With that girl he brought to Tito Charles’ birthday party.”

“I knew it!” mas naging galit pa ang tono ng boses n’ya. “I told you, you should’ve satisfied Yakov!”

I cringed. “Mom, can you stop using that word?”

“Why? In the first place hindi naman maghahanap si Yakov ng iba kung napapasaya mo s’ya! Sasabihin ng mga tao na wala kang kwentang girlfriend kaya niloko ka ni Yakov! Nakakahiya ka talaga!”

I couldn’t even believe what I heard from her.

“Why is it my fault now?” my voice broke. Naramdaman ko rin ang pag-iinit ng sulok ng mga mata ko. “Mom, he cheated on me. Niloko nila ko. Yakov broke my trust. Hindi ako ang nakagawa ng kasalanan kaya bakit parang sa ’kin na naman napupunta ang sisi?”

“Oh, don’t give me that self-pity card! Walang mangyayaring ganito kung maganda ang relasyon n’yo ni Yakov! Knowing you, Natalia, malamang nakulangan sa ’yo si Yakov kaya naghanap ng iba,” She sighed dramatically. “Why are you always such a disappointment to me?”

Hindi ko na kinaya. Bumagsak na ang mga luha mula sa mga mata ko bago pa man rumehistro sa akin ang sinabi n’ya. And when it did, I felt my heart being ripped to pieces. Paulit-ulit na para bang hindi nakukuntento at mas gusto pa akong saktan.

I bit my lower lip to stop my sobs pero nanginginig ang labi ko. I didn’t want her to know that I was crying. The last time she saw me crying, sinabihan n’ya akong nag-iinarte lang. Ayoko na ulit masabihan ng ganoon. Na para bang hindi tama na makaramdam ako ng sakit dahil sa mga sinasabi n’ya.

“That’s what it is, mom, right?” Pigil na pigil akong pumiyok o mabasag man lang ang boses ko para hindi n’ya mahalatang umiiyak ako. “I’m never good enough for you. Kahit anong gawin ko, hindi ’yon magiging sapat para sa ’yo.”

“How can you be enough when all you’ve done was to embarrass us? Why do you like to embarrass our family so much?!”

“Mom, lahat naman ng ginagawa ko para inyo, eh. So, you can be proud of me.”

“You think I’m proud with all you’ve done? ’Yang shop mo? Pinagmamalaki mo talaga ’yan?”

My tears fell like waterfalls. Basang-basa na ang mukha ko at hindi ko na napigilan ang hikbing kumawala sa bibig ko. I knew mom heard it. She tsked like she’s pissed or something.

“Idadaanan mo na naman sa pag-iyak? You’re not a child anymore. Grow up, Natalia!”

“I’m a grown-up woman now, mom!” I exclaimed. I just couldn’t contain the pain inside my chest anymore. Pakiramdam ko ay sasabog na ako sa sakit. “I’m living alone. I wanted to be independet that’s why I moved out from the house pero kayo lang naman ’tong punta pa rin nang punta na para bang isa akong bata at walang gagawing tama!”

“Huh!” she exclaimed like she was surprised by my outburst. “Why? You think you’ve done anything right? Wala! You just keep on embarrassing and disappointing us!”

Nagkatunog na ang pag-iyak ko. I was crying, sobbing so much that I couldn’t talk anymore.

“You’re acting arrogant now because you bought a house? Because of your shop? Walang kwenta ang mga ’yan kung ganitong pinapahiya mo lang kami ng daddy mo!”

I’ve never cried so much like this even when I was a child. Maybe because back then, I was focused on how to make my parents proud. Na kapag nadapa, tatayo ako nang may mga ngiti pa rin sa mga labi. And I would try again.

Pero habang lumalaki ako, naiipon ang sakit na nararamdaman ko sa tuwing nadi-disappoint ko ang mga magulang ko. That what I was doing wasn’t enough. That I should try harder. I should try even harder.

Pero nakakapagod din pala. Nakakapagod na kahit anong gawin ko, hindi magiging sapat sa kanila. That I would never be enough.

“Fix your relationship with Yakov! Fix this scandal, Natalia!” sabi n’ya bago ako binabaan ng tawag.

Naibaba ko ang phone mula sa tenga ko. Parang bigla akong nawalan ng lakas. I closed my eyes tight with the hope that it would stop my tears pero mas lalo lang tumulo ang mga luha ko. My tears continued falling even with my eyes closed. 

I was planning to talk with my mom about my breakup with Yakov. I wanted to explain to her every reason why we just couldn’t be together. I know she really likes Yakov for me. She was looking forward for me to get married to him. But she’s still my mom. There was still hope in me that she would understand if I talked to her. If I open up to her.

Pero nawala ang pag-asang ’yon dahil sa nangyari ngayon. It ruined everything. And mom even blamed me for it.

What about me? What about the pain I’ve felt? Was it my fault that I was hurting right now?

My phone rang when I received another call. It was from Yakov. I figured he already saw the post that’s why he’s calling me right now. Pinunasan ko ang mga luha ko bago sinagot ang tawag n’ya.

“Hello—”

“Was it you?” tanong n’yang hindi pa man ako natatapos sa pagbati ko.

I frowned.

“Was I what?”

“The post. Did you tell them?”

Ilang saglit kong inilayo ang phone sa tenga ko at hindi makapaniwalang tignan iyon. Na para bang makikita ni Yakov iyon. Or I was checking if my phone was broken and I just heard him wrong.

“Are you suspecting me, Yakov?” hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko sa kanya.

“What can I do? You told me you were also at the club last night! Tapos hindi ka man lang nagalit at gusto mo pa rin akong maging kaibigan. I thought that you were actually mad about it and this is your revenge!”

“Tingin mo magagawa ko talaga ’yang iniisip mo, Yakov?” hindi ko na naitago ang hinanakit sa boses ko. “You knew me for years! For all my life! Hindi mo man lang ba tinignan kung sino ang nag-post? I didn’t even know about it until, like, five minutes ago!”

“Fuck,” I heard him hiss from the other line. He sounded so frustrated.

Hindi ako nagsalita. Ang sama-sama ng loob ko sa kanya ngayon. Parang hindi n’ya ko kilala kung pagbintangan n’ya ako. While I trusted him so much, I didn’t even think he would cheat on me. Tapos ngayon pag-iisipan n’ya ako ng ganoon?

He sighed. “I don’t know, Nat… Hindi ko na alam kung anong iisipin ko.”

“You know you’re really just so unfair, Yakov. Ako na nga ’tong niloko mo, ako pa ’tong sisishin mo sa mga nangyayari ngayon?”

“Everything that’s happening right now is in your favor, Nat. Ang daming galit sa ’kin ngayon. Anong gusto mong isipin ko?”

“You cheated on me. You probably deserve it,” hindi ko na napigilang sabihin dahil bigla ang pag-ahon ng galit sa dibdib ko. I even heard ringing in my ears. Humigpit na rin ang kapit ko sa phone ko.

“So, you’re now admitting that you did this? You wanted this to happen?”

That’s it. I had enough.

“You know what? Fuck you, Yakov! Kasalanan mo naman ang lahat ng nangyayari sa ’yo ngayon. I genuinely still want to be friends with you. But never mind now. I don’t want to be friends with an asshole like you.”

“And I don’t want to do anything with a pathetic bitch,” he said with greeted teeth.

“Go to hell!”

I tapped the end call with so much force I thought I broke my phone. I was livid. I was so frustrated that tears pooled in my eyes.

Fuck him. Yakov’s an asshole. He’s a fucking asshole. He deserved all the hate he was getting right now.

I knew I was mad and I shouldn’t do anything out of anger ’cause I know I might regret it later. Pero sa sobrang galit ko kay Yakov, nandoon ang kagustuhan kong gumanti.

I opened my phone and went to Facebook. I was right when I said my notifications were probably blowing up. Punong-puno iyon ng mga mention sa akin sa partikular na post na ’yon.

I tapped that notification and it brought me to that post. I tapped the share button and without any caption, I shared the post. That would confirm that he really did cheat on me.

It was his fault that this was happening to him and he was receiving all hate. If he didn’t cheat on me, this wouldn’t even happen. Tapos ako pa ang pagbibintangan n’ya at sisisihin?

I was shaking out of anger and I had to calm myself down. Ilang sandali akong pumikit nang mariin at humugot nang malalalim na paghinga. When I finally managed to control my emotions, guilt crept inside me.

I shouldn’t have shared the post. I shouldn’t have added fuel to the fire.

Mabilis kong binuksan ulit ang phone ko at pumunta sa shared post ko. Ten minutes hadn’t passed yet it already garnered lot of comments and likes. May mga chat na rin akong na-receive mula sa mga kakilala namin. Binura ko agad ang shared post ko at pinatay ang phone.

Huh… I feel so exhausted. I want to go home.

I probably should go home.

Inayos ko mula ang sarili ko at sinigurong walang bakas ng pag-iyak ang mukha ko. Pero hindi ko na magagawan ng paraan ang bahagyang pamamaga at kaunting pamumula ng mga mata ko.

Lumabas na ako ng back office at agad na napatingin sa akin sina Millie at Andrea na may pag-aalala sa mga mukha. They probably noticed my puffy eyes.

I forced a smile at them.

“I think I need to go home. Okay lang bang iwan ko na muna ulit sa inyo ang shop?”

Mabilis silang tumangong dalawa.

“Sure po, ma’am! Take your time and rest lang po.”

I managed to give them a small smile before I went out and rode my car. I drove home. Umakyat kaagad ako ng kwarto at humiga sa kama.

How did things turn out like this? Ang akala ko talaga ay mababawasan na ang problema pero mas lalo lang nadagdagan. Kailan ba matatapos ang mga problema ko?

Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal na nakahiga. It was already dark outside so my room was engulfed in darkness as well. But I didn’t move. I found the darkness comforting. Like I was alone in a void and there was no world out there where I had to deal with my problems.

If only I could stay here. If only I could stay like this.

I didn’t want to go out of this void. If I were alone, I would want it to be like this. Kapag hinarap ko ang reyalidad, mag-isa rin naman ako. Wala rin naman akong kakampi.

There wasn’t anyone who would take my side.

Natigilan ako. Huh… Yes. There was someone. Meron nga pala akong kakampi.

I turned on my phone again. I squinted my eyes as they adjusted when my phone lit up. Hinanap ko kaagad sa contacts ko ang number ng taong kakampi ko.

I knew I ran away from him last time. I got scared of him. Pero hindi ko alam kung bakit s’ya pa rin ang hinahanap ko ngayon kahit na natakot ako sa kanya. Just thinking about him brought comfort to me.

Without thinking further, I dialed his number and called him. After three rings, he answered the call.

“Where are you?” I asked. Although I already had an idea as I heard muffled music from the background.

“Same place, Natalia.”

Huh… His voice sounded so good on the phone. It was deep and gruff. It sounded so sexy. Like he was whispering in my ear.

I shook my head to get that thought out and hesitated.

What is he doing there? May kasama ba s’ya?

“Are you alone?” I asked.

“Yes.”

He didn’t say anything else. Parang inaabangan na lang din akong magsalita. I think he already had an idea why I called but he was still waiting for me to say it. ’Cause, that’s what he wanted me to do.

“Can I… go there?” maliit ang boses kong tanong.

Even if I couldn’t see him, I imagined him smirking. Dahil nangyari ang gusto n’ya. He didn’t even have to order me to do what he wanted to happen.

“I’ll wait for you.”

I ended the call. Mabilis akong bumangon at nag-ayos. I just wore a black bodycon halter dress and silver heels. Nag-drive na ako papuntang club. Nang makarating ako ay hinatid ulit ako ng server sa VIP room.

My heart hammered when I finally saw him. Like it was glad I was now with someone who I knew would always take my side. No matter how scared I was with him the last time, right now, just seeing him gave me so much comfort. I felt calm now.

I just stay rooted in my place, looking at him. Hindi ko na nga alam kung kailan nakaalis ang server na naghatid sa akin. We were alone in this room again and his presence almost dominated the whole room, as well as my very existence.

He was standing near the glass wall again just like last night. The only difference was he was wearing an all-black outfit again. A black turtleneck inner shirt over a black coat and trousers. His hands were inside the pocket of his pants.

He was looking at me, waiting for me to do something. I wanted to go near him. To feel his presence. To feel his warmth to make sure that I wasn’t alone anymore.

But I couldn’t move. Parang nawalan yata ng lakas ang mga paa kong gumalaw ngayong nasa harapan ko na s’ya.

I stared at him. And I don’t know why but my eyes began to tear up.

His expression hardened when he noticed my eyes watering. Then he sighed. Ilang sandali n’ya akong tinitigan bago lumapit sa akin.

He stopped in front of me and I had to look up ’cause my heels were a few inches shorter. He was almost looking down at me.

Those blue eyes… He was giving me a cold stare but… I felt warm inside.

“Serj—”

Hindi ko na naituloy ang sasabihin ko nang hinila n’ya ako palapit sa kanya. I felt his warmth as he wrapped his arms around me.

And just like that, my tears started to fall. Ibinaon ko ang mukha ko sa dibdib n’ya at doon umiyak.

“Why does it seem like everything is not going my way?” My voice was muffled and I cried harder. “Bakit sa ’kin na lang isnisisi ang lahat kahit hindi ko naman kasalanan?”

“Shh…”

Mas lalo pa akong naiyak nang maramdaman ang magaan na pagsuklay ni Serj sa buhok ko. Humigpit pa ang yakap n’ya sa akin.

“It’ll be okay… I’m here now, love.”

I felt him kiss the top of my head. Yumakap ako sa kanya pabalik at mas isinubsob ang mukha ko sa dibdib n’ya. I inhaled his scent which helped me calm down.

And just like that, I believed what he said.

“Leave the rest to me.”

Chapter 23

The situation got worse as the days passed. When I visited my Facebook account, Yakov’s cheating was all over my news feed. With every scroll I did, I saw a lot of shared posts from my friends of that particular post about Yakov’s cheating that blew up.

They were also posting their opinions about his cheating. Some said that we were like a couple goals. That we’ve been inseparable since we were kids. Na ang tagal na ng relationship namin and they thought that it would end up in marriage. Hindi raw nila akalain na magagawa iyon sa akin ni Yakov.

Napapangiwi na lang din ako sa tuwing nakakabasa ng mga masasakit na salitang naka-direkta kay Yakov. Meron din para kay Sabrina but some were defending her, saying that maybe, Sabrina didn’t know that Yakov had a girlfriend.

But she did though. Alam na alam iyon ni Sabrina. Kahit pa noong mga college pa lang kami.

I saw comments identifying Sabrina. They were our college classmates. They stated that Yakov and Sabrina were really close even before. Hindi na nga raw sila nagulat sa nangyari dahil nga sobrang magkalapit daw ng dalawa noon. Even if Yakov and I were still together.

That comment from our college classmate got a lot of likes. Kaya naman marami na rin ang nagalit kay Sabrina. Saying she didn’t know how to distance herself and couldn’t respect our relationship.

I sighed when I felt like my heart was starting to beat fast. I was also feeling cold right now. A lot were waiting for my side. For me to speak up. Marami na rin ang nag-send ng friend request nila sa akin, ang iba ay nagme-message pa talaga, kahit iyong mga taong hindi ko naman kilala. Iyong mga nakiki-tsismis lang at gustong makibalita.

It actually annoyed me so much. ’Yung iba kasi, talagang pinipilit akong magsalita na at ibigay na ang side ko. They said that they couldn’t sleep or eat while waiting for me to speak up. I knew it was just an exaggeration but it was already getting on my nerves.

Damn it. What the fuck is wrong with these people? Anong tingin nila sa buhay ng ibang tao? Entertainment? What did they think about my pain and peace? Entertaining? And how the fuck could they demand me to speak up just for the peace of their minds? Sariling katahimikan lang talaga nila ang iniisip nila? How about mine?

I wanted to stay away from the issue. To keep my peace. To keep my mouth shut para hindi na sana lumala pa at mamatay na agad ang issue. But these insensitive people just don’t know when to stop. They were bothering me so much.

It was bad enough that I shared the post. Kahit na binura ko rin naman agad, marami pa rin ang nakakita. Some even took a screencap of it and considered it as me confirming the cheating.

I knew I shouldn’t have done that. I was upset and angry and I couldn’t control my emotions. I wanted to get back with Yakov but I still shouldn’t have done anything out of anger.

I edited the privacy of my account so that no one could send me any friend requests or message me. It was a hassle since I also used this account to chat with my clients.

Maybe I should create my business website now. Or create a separate Facebook account that was solely for my business.

I tapped on my notification and saw a lot of mentions from my friends again. I sighed. Ibinalik ko na lang sa news feed at bumungad na naman sa akin ang isang shared post ng isang Facebook friend ko and she actually tagged me on it.

It was another post with a photo attached but this time, it was Yakov and me in the photo. Nandoon din si Serj na kaharap namin sa isang table. I recognized the place immediately. It was a restaurant in Siargao where we ate our lunch on the day we had a whole day tour.

It was stated in the post that the photo was just taken recently, proving that we were still together at that time. May mga nagsasabi kasing baka break na naman pala raw kami ni Yakov nang may makakita sa kanila ni Sabrina sa club. But the photo proved otherwise.

They said that it was either Yakov was a player and that he moved on fast or he was really cheating. Or he was actually both.

I took a deep breath and sighed. I was thinking of deactivating my Facebook account for a while but immediately shook that thought off my head. Hindi naman ako ang nakagawa ng kasalanan. I shouldn’t be the one who should feel ashamed.

I guess… I just won’t open my Facebook for a while. I’ll wait until things die down.

Hindi nga rin muna ako pumunta sa shop ngayon at nanatili lang sa bahay buong araw. Lately, hindi ko na nababantayan nang maayos ang shop ko. Though I trusted Millie and Andrea would do a good job but still, it was my shop. Nagpaplano pa naman akong mag-branch out but I just couldn’t create a smooth plan because a lot has been happening lately.

My phone rang. It was my mom who was calling me. I just stared at it until the ringing stopped.

I really didn’t want to talk to her right now. Alam ko rin naman ang sasabihin n’ya. Pipilitin n’ya lang akong ayusin ang relasyon namin ni Yakov. And I don’t want to do anything with him anymore.

That dumb asshole. Who does he think he is? Ang kapal na mukhang s’ya pa talaga ang magalit sa akin at pinagbintangan pa talaga ako.

I took another deep breath to calm myself. Naiinis na naman kasi ako. Whenever I think of Yakov, it pissed me so much.

Maybe I should take a break and relax?

My phone chimed for a message, and I automatically rolled my eyes, thinking it was from mom. But when I checked it, it was from Serj. Mabilis tuloy akong napabangon sa kama at binuksan ang message n’ya.

Serj:

Up for a late-night drive?

My lips broke into a wide smile. A night drive is what I really need right now. Feeling the cold breeze again on my skin would totally relax me. That would take my mind off what’s happening recently.

Why does Serj always come to my rescue at such a perfect time?

I typed in a reply for him.

Me:

Sure.

I didn’t have to wait long for his reply. Ilang sandali lang ay natanggap ko kaagad iyon.

Serj:

I’m outside your house.

What?

I had to read his message twice to make sure that I’ve read it right the first time. Nang hindi naman nagbago ang message n’ya sa paningin ko ay mabilis akong umalis ng kama. I almost leapt just to get to my bedroom window fast. Hinawi ko ang kurtina para makita ko ang labas.

Serj was really outside my house!

What the hell? Kanina pa ba s’ya nando’n?

His car was parked just outside my house, leaning onto it. He looked up when he probably noticed the movement of the curtain and he saw me. He gave me a two-finger salute.

Huh… How could he look so good even from a distance?

Mabilis akong umalis sa bintana para makapag-ayos. It was a late-night drive so I just wore simple and casual clothes. Just an oversized white hoodie and denim shorts. I just put on a light make up, powder, blush-on, and a lip tint para naman magkakulay man lang ang maputla kong mukha. Lumabas na rin naman ako nang makuntento na ako sa ayos ko.

“Kanina ka pa?” I asked when I approached Serj, half-running in my white sneakers.

Serj was wearing a black long sleeve V-neck shirt and denim pants. His silver watch on his left wrist was shining under the street lamp. Hindi nakaayos ang buhok n’ya. Like he didn’t put any wax to keep it in place so some strands were sticking all over the place and looked messy. But, God… He looked really good like this.

He was wearing a simple outfit and didn’t put any effort into fixing his hair but he managed to make any style look good on him. He looked so hot. The air seemed hotter around him too.

He stared down at me. His gaze was heavy, it made me feel something.

Huh… Those blue eyes and the way he stares should be illegal.

“Not really,” he said with a deep, gruff voice. Like he just got out of bed. “I spent five minutes thinking if I should text you or not though.”

“Serj, before ka sana nagpunta rito, you should’ve texted me first. Para hindi ka na sana naghintay kasi nag-ayos pa ako.”

He gave me a small smirk. His head was tilting a bit, it looked so hot ’cause it gave me a good view of his neck and it looked so freaking hot I almost melted on the spot. Idagdag pa kasing v-neck style ang shirt n’ya and it was black!

Damn it… How could someone’s neck look this hot? Kaya ba ang mga vampire ay madalas sa leeg nangangagat?

Okay, what the hell? Am I really thinking of biting his neck?

“It’s alright. The wait is what makes it exciting,” sabi ni Serj na mukhang walang kaalam-alam sa mga iniisip ko sa kanya.

Napakunot ang noo ko sa sinabi n’ya. Huh? So exciting sa kanya ang paghihintay? Ako nga inis na inis kapag nali-late si Yakov sa usapan namin. Kaya nga ayaw ko talagang pinaghihintay ang ibang tao.

But I guess Serj is different. Napangiti tuloy ako.

Serj chuckled when he saw my smile. Umalis s’ya sa pagkakasandal sa kotse n’ya at humakbang palapit sa akin. I had to tilt my neck when he was near me to see him better. Ang tangkad n’ya kasi talaga.

My smile widened when he tucked the strands of my hair behind my ears. I was blushing hard, I know, but I liked the feeling. I liked the gentleness of his touch. As well as the gentle look in his eyes despite the harsh features of his face.

“Let’s go?” he asked.

“Doon ulit?” Hindi na nawala ang ngiti ko.

“Yeah…”

Natigilan ako nang may maalala. “Wait.”

Ramdam ko ang gulat ni Serj nang tumalikod ako sa kanya at pumasok ulit sa loob ng bahay. Mabilis ko rin namang hinanap ang kailangan ko at lumabas din agad matapos ma-secure ang lock ng pinto at gate.

“A blanket?” kunot-noong tanong ni Serj nang makita ang hawak ko.

“Nainggit kasi ako do’n sa mga nakahiga nu’ng last time na magpunta tayo do’n,” I admitted. “I want to stargaze this time so…”

Ser let out a soft chuckle. Every time I hear his chuckle, I always blush. Ewan. Ang sexy kasi talaga sa pandinig? His voice was low and raspy. Masarap pakinggan lalo na kapag bumubulong. Like he was trying to seduce someone whenever he speaks but that’s just how his voice sounds.

“Alright.” Kinuha n’ya sa ’kin ang blanket na hawak ko. “Let’s go?”

Nakangiti akong tumango. Serj guided me to the passenger’s side and opened the door for me. Pero natigilan ako bago pa man makapasok sa loob ng kotse.

I just noticed his car. Really noticed it. Hindi na ito ang kotse ni Tito Charles na ginamit n’ya noon. It was a black Ferrari. A familiar one. And I was so sure that this was the same car I saw parked outside the restaurant where Yakov and I decided to talk. Hindi naman madalas na makakakita ng ganitong kotse sa Manila.

“Wait…” Napatigil ako sa pagpasok sana sa kotse at tumingin kay Serj. “You were there at the restaurant the day I talked to Yakov,” sigurado kong sabi.

Serj just stared at me. He didn’t say anything. Nalilito ko s’yang tinignan.

“Anong ginagawa mo ro’n?” I asked, confused.

His stares became heavy and I started to feel nervous the longer I stared back at him. It was like he was trying to read every secret I have in my life.

“Watching out for Yakov,” he said quietly.

I frowned. Alanganin akong napangiti.

“What for?” I asked and let out a soft laugh. “Did you think Yakov would hurt me?” Nang hindi sumagot si Serj ay nawala ang ngiti sa mga labi ko. “You really think your brother would hurt me?”

As soon as I finished the question, my mind answered my own questions for me. Yakov already hurt me. It probably wasn’t how Serj thought it would be but… He was right. Yakov already did it.

He called me a bitch, twice, as an insult and I couldn’t even believe it. He even disrespected me, and cheated on me, I could list all the things I remember he did and I knew that wouldn’t be all. Nakalimutan ko na ang iba dahil lang pinatawad ko na s’ya noon.

Because of that, I just lost my childhood friend. The first friend I ever had. And I was so hurt I don’t think we would be able to go back to being friends again.

Serj had a hard expression on his face as he stared down at me.

“Do I still have to answer that question, Natalia?” he asked. His tone was hard.

I looked up to him. Pero agad ko rin namang naibaba ang tingin ko nang makita ang istrikto n’yang tingin sa akin. Para bang nakagawa na naman ako ng malaking kasalanan and he was planning to punish me for it.

“I didn’t hear any response, Natalia,” he demanded when I didn’t speak for a while.

I winced. His voice sounded so strict I actually felt scared… And excited.

I couldn’t explain why but an unexplainable heat surged inside of me, wanting to burst. A heat that was in me for a long time, sleeping. And now, a mere word from Serj woke it up.

“No…” I said softly.

Serj cocked an eyebrow at me.

“What? I didn’t quite catch that.”

I took a deep breath and let it out, hoping it would also relieve my nervousness.

“No, Serj. You don’t have to answer my question. Yakov already hurt me.”

His lips curled into a slight smirk.

“That’s more like it,” he said, looking more satisfied.

He cocked his head inside the car, motioning me to go in. Kanina pa kasi nakabukas ’yung pinto. And I had an idea that he wouldn’t like it if I stayed outside for long so I finally went inside without saying anything.

Nang makasiguro si Serj na maayos na akong nakaupo ay isinara n’ya rin ang pinto. Umikot s’ya papunta sa driver’s side at sumakay na. I saw him pressing a button and the car’s roof started to retract.

I smiled when I saw the night sky above. Napatingin ako kay Serj.

“I think that this will be the best late-night drive I ever had.”

Serj smirked at me. He finally started the car and drove off. It was already late kaya maluwag na ang daan at dire-diretso ang pagpapatakbo ni Serj ng sasakyan. The night wind felt so cold against my skin. I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes, feeling the cold breeze.

“Are you going to order from fast food again?” may kalakasan kong tanong kay Serj dahil nalulunod sa hangin ang boses ko.

He glanced at me.

“Would you prefer that?”

I nodded with a wide smile on my face. I feel like a teenager rebelling every time I am with him. I felt free and I could do whatever I wanted without worrying about my parents. Without worrying about everything.

Serj chuckled. I couldn’t explain how I could still hear it clearly despite the wind. But his sexy chuckle was so clear in my ears.

“Then we’ll do that,” he said.

Dumaan nga muna kami sa malapit na drive-thru at nag-order ng kakainin namin para mamaya. A minute of drive and we finally arrived at that wide park.

Serj parked the car just beside the road where the Bermuda grass started. Mabilis akong bumaba at inilatag ang kumot sa magandang pwesto. Walang masyadong tao, probably because it was a weekday night. There were only two people who were obviously a couple sitting not far from us.

Serj sat beside me in the space I provided for him. I looked at him and smiled. I just couldn’t stop smiling. Parang kanina lang ay ang sama-sama pa ng loob ko habang binabasa ang mga nangyayari sa Facebook. I knew I was having a panic attack as well earlier. Pero para ngang hindi ko naramdaman iyon at ang saya-saya ko ngayon.

Serj was looking at me. He wasn’t smiling but he had a soft look in his eyes. He put our food down between us and we both started eating.

“Wow. I never thought I am this hungry,” sabi ko at kinagatan ang burger ko.

Serj frowned at me.

“You didn’t eat dinner?” I shook my head and his frown deepened. “Why?”

“Tinatamad akong magluto.”

“What the hell, Natalia? If only I’d known, I would order us proper food!”

Natawa ako sa galit n’yang ekspresyon. Nababaliw na siguro ako. Kung minsan ay natatakot ako kapag galit s’ya pero minsan naman ay natutuwa pa ako. Especially when it was him showing concern for me.

“It’s okay! This is okay!” I assured him. “Kunwari cheat day ko na lang ngayon.”

“What the fuck is cheat day?” halos malukot na ang gwapo n’yang mukha sa pagkakakunot ng noo n’ya. Like I just said an alien language. Mas lalo lang tuloy akong natawa.

“’Yung one day in a week na hindi ako kakain ng proper food.” Kumuha ako ng fries at inilapit sa bibig n’ya. “Don’t worry. This is okay. Kumain ka na lang d’yan.”

He stared at the fries I was holding and looked at me. I smiled at him, encouraging him to eat the fries. He stared at me and finally ate the fries without taking his eyes off me. Nawala naman agad ang ngiti sa mga labi ko.

Huh… How the hell did that look sensual?

I cleared my throat and just focused on my food. I forgot that the man I’m with is the hottest man alive he could make anything look attractive. One look in his blue eyes and anyone could be under his spell.

Mabilis na rin naman naming naubos ang pagkain. I was so hungry, what the hell? Hindi ko naisip ang gutom ko kanina ’cause my mind was full of what happened. Then since Serj took my mind off about it, nagkaroon ng space sa isip ko na gustom nga pala ako.

Inipon namin ang kalat at inilagay iyon sa paperbag na pinaglagyan ng takeout food namin kanina. Itinabi lang muna iyon ni Serj dahil walang trashcan sa malapit.

“Thank you, Serj,” I said after a moment of silence passed.

He looked at me, confusion was in his eyes as he cocked an eyebrow at me.

“About the food?” he asked.

Natawa ako.

“No and yes. No, ’cause I was actually talking about you inviting me for this late-night drive. And yes, thank you for the food na rin.”

He smirked. His blue eyes were dancing in amusement.

“You’re welcome.”

“I was really stressed because of what’s happening lately. I don’t know if you already knew pero kalat na ’yung ginawa ni Yakov. Someone saw them at the club and took a photo of them.”

“I know about it.”

I frowned. Alam ko kasing hindi s’ya gumagamit ng Facebook. He hasn’t posted anything yet.

“How?” I asked.

“Yakov’s mom showed it to me.”

Oh… So, he’s back at not addressing his mother as his own.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “I told you to leave the rest to me.”

I squinted my eyes at him. It was a ridiculous thought but I just couldn’t help it. I mean, he was talking about revenge last time.

“Hindi ba ikaw ang may kagagawan no’n?” I asked.

He frowned at me.

“What?”

Ah, shit… I shouldn’t have asked it. I felt dumb.

“’Yung… post. That wasn’t your plan? I mean… you talked about revenge or something…”

Serj titled his head to the side. The air suddenly turned… cold. His eyes turned dangerous and I also felt scared and nervous. His gaze at me felt heavy. Pakiramdam ko ay may kasalanan akong nagawa.

“I’m sorry,” I said. Damn… I didn’t want him to look at me this way. Mukha kasi s’yang galit pero hindi talaga. Like he liked being angry at me ’cause he was planning something to get back at me.

“For what, Natalia?” he demanded. The tone of his voice told me that if I didn’t answer, mas malalang parusa pa ang matatanggap ko sa kanya.

“For… suspecting you.”

“Hmm?” He squinted his eyes at me. “What makes you think I didn’t do it then?”

“The…” I gulped. “The angle of the photo. It told me it was taken at the same level as them. Not from above. Plus… you just created a Facebook account and I figured you didn’t know how to use it yet.”

He let out a cruel smirk. Like he was proud of me yet he was disappointed ’cause he couldn’t do his planned punishment for me.

“Very good, Natalia.”

I took a deep breath and let out a relieved sigh. I just noticed my limbs were shaking. Just a stare from Serj could make me tremble this much.

“I just thought you were planning to do something,” I said.

I decided to lay down to calm myself. Baka sakaling mapakalma ako ng mga bituin sa langit. The night sky looked beautiful with the stars twinkling like they were diamonds. I was not sure if it was a new moon tonight but I couldn’t see the moon.

Huh… If only life would be easy like this. Why is my life such a mess anyway?

Ilang sandali lang akong nakahiga habang nakatingin sa langit nang bigla na lang akong hindi mapakali. My eyes immediately snapped at Serj, s’ya lang naman ang nakakapagparamdam sa akin ng ganito. I found him staring hard at me.

Now I remember, I felt like this too when I was in the restaurant with Yakov. Now, I was so sure Serj was staring at me that time too.

Hindi ko na maalis ang tingin ko sa kanya. There was something in his eyes that I couldn’t look away. I fell under his spell again. 

He moved toward me and my breathing hitched as I watched him get on top of me. He blocked my vision of the night sky and all I could see was his handsome face, staring down at me. His arms were on the either side of me, supporting his weight.

He leaned down and I stilled. I just waited for whatever he was about to do. I felt his warm breath on the side of my neck as he whispered in my ear.

“You look so fucking beautiful underneath me.”

I sucked in my breath as I felt goosebumps all over my body. I was wearing an oversized hoodie but I felt cold— No, I felt hot.

Ah, damn. I don’t really know. The air seemed to turn hot around us as my body temperature rose.

I flinched when I felt his warm hand caressing my bare thighs. His palm felt so hot and rough that I had to clung to his shirt with the sensation it gave me. My heart was beating so fast that I felt like it was going to burst out of my chest.

I was so sure he felt my goosebumps and he seemed to like it as he chuckled against my ear. He planted a soft kiss on the spot just below my ear that made me whimper.

“Serj…” I whispered his name, feeling so out of breath.

“Hmm?” I could hear the playfulness in his voice.

His lips went down my neck. Kusang akong napatingala para mas ihain pa sa kanya ang leeg ko. I could feel his smirk against my skin like he really liked how my body responded to his touch.

The hand that was caressing my leg went up and went inside my hoodie. He was touching my waist now, trailing the curves with his hand. Napapaangat ang likod ko sa tuwing makakaramdam ng kakaibang kiliti dahil sa bawat haplos n’ya.

“Serj…” I demanded. Hindi ko naman alam kung para saan.

“What is it, love?” he asked, trailing kisses on the crane of my neck.

I was nervous that someone might see us but what the hell? It just added to the sensation I was feeling. It made me feel… excited.

Napatingin ako sa dalawang tao na nakita ko kanina and it seemed like I didn’t have to worry ’cause they were too busy in their own world as well. They were kissing and looked unbothered at their surroundings.

My hands that were clinging to his shirt went up. I didn’t know if I should push him off me or pull him closer to me. Serj chuckled against my skin when he seemed to notice my reluctance.

He kissed his way up to my ears again before he squeezed my waist which made me shiver. He sucked and licked my earlobe and I couldn’t help the soft moan that escaped from my lips.

“I’m just getting started with my plan, Natalia,” he whispered in my ear.

Chapter 24

My body was on fire. I was breathing hard, almost gasping for air ’cause what Serj was doing on my body seemed like it was taking all the air out of my lungs. The night breeze was cold but I know that it wasn’t the reason why my body was trembling right now. The pleasure that Serj was giving me was just too much.

He was still kissing my neck, feasting on it as if it was some kind of sweet candy and he couldn’t get enough of it. Para bang hindi pa sapat sa kanya ang mga ginagawa n’ya kaya hindi s’ya matigil sa paghalik sa leeg ko.

Serj shifted his position and placed his one knee between the space of my thighs, forcing my legs apart. I was already under his mercy so I just did what he wanted. I bent my knee that was on his side, feeling his body more against me and it made me feel hotter to really feel him on top of me.

The hand that was caressing my waist made its way to my back. Kusang napaangat ang likod at mas hinila pa ako ni Serj palapit sa katawan n’ya. I felt him smirk before his tongue licked that sensitive spot on my neck in a circular motion.

“Oh, God…” I whimpered and my body shivered underneath him.

I heard his sexy chuckle against my skin. Naramdaman ko pa ang kamay n’yang kinapa ang hook ng bra sa likuran ko. And with just one hand, he managed to unhook my bra.

“Serj—” I was about to tell him to stop but my voice came out as a moan.

“Yes?” I could hear the playfulness in his voice. As if he was enjoying my struggle.

Another moan had escaped from my lips when his lips went down on the hollow space where my neck and shoulder connected. He licked his way down and I felt his warm and wet tongue on my skin. I was already breathing through my mouth ’cause I felt like I wasn’t breathing enough air in my lungs.

I felt his hand caressing my sides again. It was warm and rough as his hand went further higher. I flinched when I felt his thumb caress my underboob that made me whimper.

“Serj, stop,” I managed to choke the words out despite my voice still sounding like I was moaning.

I heard him chuckle.

“What is it really, Natalia?” he asked.

I was confused by it at first but then I noticed my arms were actually wrapped around his shoulders. My hands were on his hair, raking some strands between my fingers, and pulling his head closer. I was also arching my back more. Para bang gustong-gusto kong magkalapit lang ang katawan namin.

I told him to stop but my body says otherwise. Even if he wanted to pull away from me, I was pulling him closer to me though.

Huh… I actually don’t know anymore. My mind was already clouded with pleasure. And I really liked the feeling he was making me feel.

His lips went further down again. He was now licking my collarbone. He sucked on my skin, hard, and I knew it would leave a mark. Pero mukhang hindi pa nakuntento si Serj doon. He bit my collarbone.

I yelped in pain. The sting made it clear in my mind. Like I jolted awake from his spell.

“Wait, Serj. Stop.”

I pushed him lightly on his chest. I didn’t have to tell him twice dahil kahit mahina lang ang pagkakatulak ko sa kanya dahil naubos ang lakas ko sa mga ginawa n’ya, he still pulled away from me.

Mabilis akong bumangon at umayos ng upo. Serj was already sitting near me. I was trying to catch my breath and clear my mind but being near him wasn’t really helping me.

I reached behind me to hook my bra together. Pinapanood lang ako ni Serj. The glint in his eyes was so obvious. As if he was having fun watching me fix myself because of what he did.

“Want me to help?” he even asked as I still struggle to hook my bra. Nanginginig kasi ang mga kamay ko.

“No!” I glared at him. “You’re always doing this.”

“Doing what?” maang-maangan pa n’yang tanong.

I threw him dagger looks.

“You know what I’m talking about, Serj,” I said, trying to hide my blush.

Narinig ko ang mababang pagtawa n’ya kaya inirapan ko na lang s’ya. I could still feel it. His warm and rough hand, the way he caressed my body, his warm breath, his wet tongue, and his lips as he trailed kisses on my skin. I felt goosebumps just by imagining it.

Damn it… Sa akin siguro talaga ang may problema. I really like the feeling of his touch. Sa tuwing hahawakan ako ni Serj, parang may bigla na lang kumakawala sa loob ko. Something I couldn’t control. I even wanted to release it.

“Let’s go,” yaya ko na.

I had to. Sa tingin ko kasi, kapag tumagal pang kasama ko s’ya, baka ako pa mismo ang mag-initiate na hawakan n’ya ulit ako.

God… He’s just so dangerous for me. And it was so frustrating dahil mukhang alam na alam ni Serj kung anong epekto n’ya sa akin!

“Already?” he asked.

Inis ko s’yang tinignan. He smirked at me, halatang inaasar na lang ako. He clearly knew why I suddenly wanted to go home.

Tumayo na rin naman si Serj at pagkatapos itapon ang kalat namin sa basurahan ay sumakay na kami sa kotse n’ya. He drove us home. The cold breeze on my skin helped me calm down.

“Thank you for this night, Serj,” sabi ko nang nakatayo na kami sa harap ng bahay ko. “I was feeling really down earlier, you know. Kalat na kalat kasi ’yung ginawa ni Yakov. A lot of people are talking about it… Talking about me.”

He shrugged as he put his hands inside the pocket of his pants.

“Well, there are people like that. People who find the thrill in talking about other people’s lives. ’Cause they have miserable lives so they feel satisfied when they see successful people have problems too,” he said. “Those kinds of people are the shit and trash in this society. They only care about their satisfaction and interest without thinking of the feelings of those who are actually involved.”

I smiled softly at him. He looked pissed but it made me feel happy that he was feeling like this for me. Na may nakakaramdaman ng ganito para sa akin at naiintindihan n’ya talaga ako.

“Kaya nga sobrang thankful ako na in-invite mo ako for a late-night drive. You took my mind off the issue.” Bigla akong napasimangot sa kanya. “Like really took my mind off.”

He let out a low chuckle. I rolled my eyes. Alam kong nakuha n’ya kasi agad kung anong ibig sabihin ko roon. Pero napangiti na rin naman ako.

“Ingat sa pagda-drive, Serj,” I said.

He stared at me. His eyes roamed around my face. Tumigil ang tingin n’ya sa mga labi ko at agad akong napalunok. He took a step toward me and my heartbeat quickened.

I immediately put my hands out, motioning him to stop.

“Okay na, Serj. Tama na ’yon,” kinakabahaan kong sabi. I was really worried that I wouldn’t be able to control myself this time if he was planning to do anything to me again!

His lips curled into a wicked smile. Napasimangot na lang ako sa kanya.

“Goodnight, Natalia,” he said.

I pursed my lips as I looked at him.

“Take care, Serj.”

He said something in Russian as his reply. Iyong palagi n’yang sinasabi sa tuwing maghihiwalay kami.

I groaned which made him chuckle.

“Kailan ko ba malalaman kung anong meaning n’yan?” I asked.

Serj had this strict look on his face again as his lips curled into a smirk. He likes seeing me frustrated.

“Patience, Natalia,” he commanded.

Napalabi na lang ako pero maya-maya ay napangiti na rin.

“Goodnight, Serj.”

I stayed away from Facebook to avoid getting stressed about the issue. Hindi na ulit ako lumabas ng bahay matapos ng late-night drive namin ni Serj. Nakikibalita na lang ako sa kung anong nangyayari sa shop ko by calling Andrea or Millie. Mabuti na lang, wala namang pumupunta sa shop ko nang dahil sa issue.

That would be a straight fucked-up move.

I still wasn’t answering any of my mom’s calls. O kahit nga mga text man lang n’ya. I was worried that if she got impatient, pupuntahan na naman n’ya ako rito sa bahay. But so far, I haven’t seen even my mom’s shadow. It seemed like she was embarrassed to even go outside. Or to be seen with me.

I received another text and thought that it was from my mom. Pero nagulat ako nang makita na kay Tita Tessa iyon. I wasn’t just expecting her to text me.

Nang kumalat kasi ang issue at nang maghiwalay kami ni Yakov, wala na akong naging balita tungkol sa kanya. It was only now that Tita Tessa got in contact with me. I figured that she was giving me space because of the issue and the breakup.

Tita Tessa:

Hi, Natalia! Are you busy? Invite sana kita for lunch dito sa bahay.

Huh… I had this thought that she wanted to talk to me because of what happened. Ayaw ko na sanang tanggapin ang lunch invitation n’ya. I was worried that Yakov might be there. I really didn’t want to see him right now.

But Tita Tessa had been good to me that I already considered her as my second mom. I’ll feel bad if I decline her invitation.

I sighed. I typed in my reply and told her I’ll be at their house in an hour.

This is why I couldn’t just break up with Yakov before. Damay kasi talaga ang mga pamilya namin sa relasyon namin. It was a good thing that we finally decided to end things with us.

Sinalubong kaagad ako ni Tita Tessa pagpasok ko pa lang sa gate ng bahay nila. I could sense her awkwardness when she kissed me on the cheeks.

“I’m so glad you accepted my invitation, Natalia,” she said. She was smiling pero nahalata ko ang pag-aalangan sa mga mata n’ya.

“Nasa bahay lang din naman ako, Tita,” I said, trying to ease the awkwardness between us.

She smiled. “Halika na sa loob. Nakapagluto na rin ako.”

Pumasok na nga kami sa loob at nakita ko ang mga pagkain na nakahanda na sa lamesa. Those were my favorite foods. She cooked my favotite foods.

My heart ached by the sight of it. Before, I felt at home every time Tita Tessa would cook for me. But now, it felt awkward. It felt wrong. Naisip kong may ibang dahilan kung bakit n’ya niluto ang mga paborito kong pagkain ngayon.

“Don’t worry. Wala si Yakov. I sent him away,” she said. Inakala sigurong kaya hindi pa ako umuupo ay dahil inaalala ko kung nandito si Yakov.

I didn’t know what she meant by sending Yakov away but it was probably the best move for now. With all the hate he was receiving, mas mabuti ngang mag-lie low na lang siguro muna s’ya.

Tita Tessa went to the kitchen and I decided to sit down. Nang bumalik s’ya ay may dala s’yang ulam. Her expression lightened when she looked to the direction of the stairs.

“Serj, hijo… Sabayan mo na kami.”

My back straightened and I could feel my pulse quicken when I heard his name. Napatingin muna ako sa ulam na inilapag ni Tita Tessa sa lamesa bago tumingin sa direksyon ng hagdan.

Serj was jogging his way down. He was wearing a plain black v-neck shirt and black khaki shorts. Simpleng pambahay lang but it looked really good on him. Napabuntong-hininga na lang ako sa kagwapuhan n’ya.

Nang makababa s’ya at makalapit sa amin ay nakita kong nakataas ang isang kilay n’ya sa akin. He was wondering what I was doing here.

“I invited her,” Tita Tessa said when she also noticed the confused look on her son’s face.

Serj glanced at his mother first before he looked at me.

“Hmm,” was his only response before he sat down.

Umupo na rin si Tita Tessa sa tabi ko. Asikasong-asikaso n’ya ako. S’ya na rin ang naglagay ng kanin at ulam sa plato ko. Napapatingin na nga lang si Serj sa ginagawa ni Tita Tessa pero wala namang sinasabi.

“It feels like it has been so long since we had a meal together,” sabi ni Tita Tessa nang magsimula na kaming kumain. “I didn’t get to eat properly sa birthday ni Charles.”

I tried to smile at her as I didn’t know how to respond to that. Hindi rin naman ako nakakain noon dahil sa mga nangyari. Because Yakov brought Sabrina to the party as his date.

I felt Serj’s gaze at me so I looked at him. He had a serious expression on his face. I could tell that he didn’t like what was happening now. That he didn’t like that I was here.

“I’m so sorry, Natalia…” Tita Tessa said when she probably noticed that the air turned awkward. “I never thought that Yakov would do that.”

I shook my head and tried to give her a reassuring smile.

“It’s not your fault, Tita. Hindi n’yo po kailangang humingi ng tawad sa ’kin.”

“No, no…” Umiling-iling pa si Tita Tessa bago hinawakan ang kamay ko. “I feel like I failed as his mother. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako nagkamali sa pagpapalaki sa batang ’yon.”

Oh, no… Now, I’m really starting to think that it was a bad idea that I accepted her invitation to have lunch with her today.

“Hinayaan namin s’ya ng dad n’ya sa mga gala n’ya ’cause that’s what he wanted.” Tita Tessa sighed. “But I guess we gave him too much freedom.”

“Tita, wala naman kayong kasalanan. Don’t blame yourself for what he did. Malaki na ho si Yakov para mapag-isipan kung tama o mali ang mga ginagawa n’ya.”

She had a broken expression on her face. “You know that Yakov can be impulsive at times…”

I shook my head.

“Before this even happened… Things between Yakov and I were already rough, Tita. I’m also aware of his cheating even before the issue blew up.”

“Oh, no…” Tita Tessa looked guilty even if she didn’t need to. But she was Yakov’s mother. Hindi ko rin naman s’ya masisisi sa nararamdaman n’ya ngayon.

“So, we decided to end things between us,” I continued. “We figured that it would be the best for us.”

She frowned at me. The look that she gave me told me that she couldn’t believe what I just said.

“What? You broke up?” hindi makapaniwalang tanong sa akin ni Tita Tessa.

It was my turn to frown. Huh? Hindi pa nasasabi ni Yakov sa kanya ang tungkol sa breakup namin?

What the hell? Just how irresponsible could he be?

“But… You two are so perfect for each other,” sabi ni Tita Tessa na mukhang nalilito pa rin. Then she blinked and I saw determination in her eyes. “I sent Yakov to our province to discipline him. Inalis ko na rin muna sa kanya ang rights to manage our company. And I’m not planning on giving it back to him hangga’t hindi n’ya pinagsisisihan ang ginawa n’ya.

I looked at her, confused. I have no idea why she’s telling me this.

“Tita—”

Humarap sa akin si Tita Tessa. Dalawang kamay ko na ang hinawakan n’ya ngayon.

“Nat, hija… I know Yakov is still immature but… Can’t you give him another chance?”

What?

I was so surprised I couldn’t say anything. Nakatitig lang ako kay Tita Tessa. There was hope and determination in her eyes. Parang inaasahan talagang papayag ako sa sinabi n’ya.

This wasn’t how I thought our lunch would turn out. I couldn’t believe that Tita Tessa would ask me for something like this.

“What in the fucking world are you doing?”

Napatingin kaming pareho kay Serj nang marinig ang galit n’yang boses. His expression doesn’t look good. He looked really pissed as he looked at Tita Tessa with hatred in his eyes.

“Are you really fucking asking her to get back to her fucking dumbass ex?” he said through his gritted teeth.

“Serj…” Tita Tessa glanced at me. She looked nervous. “Matagal na kasi sila ni Yakov. You know… Sometimes, your brother just does things he didn’t even think through—”

“Your son fucking cheated on her.” Serj looked mad now. Kinakabahan na ako dahil nagiging matalim na rin ang mga salita n’ya.

“I know that wasn’t right but Yakov—”

“Oh, so, you know that your dumbass son made a fucking mistake yet you still want Natalia to get back to him?” He let out a sarcastic laugh.

“Hindi pinag-isipan ni Yakov ang nagawa n’ya—”

“Ah, right. I forgot. Cheaters defend cheaters.”

Ramdam ko ang pagkatigil ni Tita Tessa sa tabi ko. I looked at her and she had a horrified expression on her face. She looked terrified. What Serj said affected her so much.

But it seemed like Serj hadn’t had enough. He had this evil smirk on his lips, like he was enjoying the look on her face.

He’s really cruel… He’s a devil.

“I guess it runs in the blood, huh?” he said. His blue eyes turned cold so that the air around us seemed to freeze.

I didn’t know what was happening. When I looked at Tita Tessa, I saw hurt in her eyes. Her eyes watered and her lips trembled but she tried to stop her tears from falling.

“I’m—” Her voice broke when she spoke. “Excuse me. I just need to go to—”

Hindi na tinapos ni Tita Tessa ang sasabihin n’ya at tumayo na. Halos takbuhin na n’ya ang distansya papunta sa banyo.

I blinked, still didn’t have an idea what happened. When I looked at Serj, he had a hard expression on his face as he followed his mother with his eyes.

“What was that?” I asked.

Napatingin sa akin si Serj. His face was void with emotions.

“What?”

“That.” Tinuro ko pa ang dinaanan ni Tita Tessa.

I noticed his jaw moved as he clenched his teeth.

“Nothing.”

It was clearly nothing. I could see that Tita Tessa looked hurt and was about to cry!

Serj stood up. Mas nakumpirma lang noon na hindi nga totoong wala lang ang nangyari. He was trying to escape the conversation.

Pero hindi ko s’ya hinayaang makatakas at sinundan s’ya hanggang sa makarating kami sa kusina.

“Serj, Tita Tessa looked hurt.”

He didn’t even look at me. Binuksan n’ya ang ref at kumuha ng isang can of beer. He opened it and took a big gulp as I saw the way his Adam’s apple moved. Parang gusto agad maubos ang isang can na ’yon.

“Alam mo naman kung gaano n’ya kagustong makabawi sa ’yo,” I said. “I don’t know what happened but I hate seeing Tita Tessa hurting. She’s like a mother to me.”

Naubos kaagad ni Serj ang beer. He crumpled it and I could tell how angry he was dahil halos madurog na ang lata. Parang papel nga lang kung lukutin n’ya iyon.

“You’re right. You don’t know what happened. You don’t know anything,” his tone was hard.

Natigilan ako. What he said hurt me so much. Lately, I felt like Serj and I were becoming closer. He always comes to my rescue. He always comes at the right time. Tinuturing ko pa nga s’yang nag-iisang kakampi ko.

But… The words that he just said told me otherwise.

It was my fault though. I was being nosy. Maybe, he’s the type of person who didn’t want to share anything with his life.

“Okay…” I said, trying to keep the hurt in my voice. “I’m sorry.”

I bit my lower lip as I turned around. Iiwan ko na sana s’yang mag-isa sa kusina at aalis na sana nang marinig ko ang mahinang pamumura n’ya.

“Fuck it,” he hissed as I felt his hand grabbing my arm.

Napatigil ako sa paglalakad. Marahan akong iniharap ni Serj sa kanya.

He looked straight in my eyes. He looked serious but… I saw something different in his eyes. His expression softened pero nahalata ko ang pag-igting ng mga panga n’ya na para bang hirap na hirap s’ya sa sasabihin n’ya.

“She cheated on my father,” he said.

Hindi ko pa agad nakuha ang ibig sabihin n’ya roon. But when the words finally sinked in my mind, I stilled. Wala akong nasabi at napatitig na lang sa kanya.

Serj looked like he was having a hard time. He was clenching his jaw so hard and the look in his blue eyes was a mix of coldness and anger.

“She told my father she had to go back here to do something and left me with him in Russia… But she didn’t come back,” he said. “Then my father just found out that she had already started her own family here.”

“Just like that?” mahina kong tanong.

He nodded once. “Just like that.”

I didn’t know what to say. I felt so bad. When I was the one opening up to him, it seemed like he always knew what to say or what to do to make me feel better. Pero ngayon ay hindi ko man lang alam ang dapat na sasabihin sa kanya.

So, that’s why he seemed to hate Tita Tessa. Because of what she did. Dahil iniwan na lang sila nang ganoon.

I remember what Yakov told me before. Na mabait si Serj dahil pinagbigyan pa si Tita Tessa na makabawi sa kanya sa kabila nang pang-iiwan sa kanya.

I couldn’t imagine how hard it was for him to give her that chance.

“I’m sorry, Serj… I didn’t know.”

Huh… I wish I could tell him better words than that.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said. His expression hardened when he looked at me. “What about you? Are you really getting back with that fucked-up bastard?”

Since si Yakov lang naman ang ex ko, iisipin kong si Yakov nga ang tinutukoy n’ya roon.

“What? Of course not!” mabilis kong sabi dahil mukhang nagagalit na naman s’ya. “Wala na akong planong makipagbalikan kay Yakov.”

He took a step toward me. He looked so serious, so dangerous as he looked down at me. He’s like a predator intimidating his prey. Bumilis agad ang tibok ng puso ko.

What? Hindi ba s’ya naniniwala? Wala naman na talaga akong planong balikan si Yakov!

I took a step backwards when he invaded my personal space. Hanggang sa maramdaman ko na sa likod ko ang countertop pero hindi pa rin tumigil sa paglapit sa akin si Serj. He pinned my body between him and the countertop behind me.

“Oh, yeah? Then why are you here?”

He stood over me, so close I could already smell him. His scent was fresh, like summer rain inside the forest, cold. A mixture of citrus and wood.

“I…” I stammered. Hindi ako makatingin sa kanya. “Your mom invited me… for lunch—”

He stopped my words when I felt his hand grabbing my neck. His fingers, gently pressing on both sides of my neck tightened and that made me whimper. He tilted my chin with his thumb and made me look at him.

I saw his eyes, cold and dangerous, as he stared down at me. His body felt so firm and strong against mine. Halos panginigan na agad ako ng mga tuhod sa paraan pa lang ng tingin n’ya sa akin.

His gaze looked so cruel. It was like he was trying to figure out what he would do to me. Hindi n’ya nagustuhan ang pagpunta ko rito, ang gustong hingin ni Tita Tessa sa ’kin. And now, he was wondering if he should punish me for it.

I didn’t know why but it made me feel excited. I felt something in my stomach that was spreading further down, on that part between my thighs.

“Do you know what I’m thinking, Natalia?” His voice sounded fierce, harsh. Like what on his mind wasn’t anything good.

“What?” My voice trembled. With fear… excitement. I really don’t know anymore.

He brought his mouth close to my ear. His free hand caressed my sides, trailing my curves down my hips.

“I want to do something on you so you’ll know who you really belong to,” he whispered. His warm breath fanned the side of my neck, and I felt goosebumps through my body.

My breathing hitched. My pulse quickened and I knew he could feel it on his fingers pressing on the side of my neck. Pakiramdam ko ay matutumba ako kaya napahawak ako sa damit n’ya.

“Should I do it then, Natalia?” he asked as the hand that was caressing me went further down and was now caressing my bare thighs. He could do it easily as I was only wearing a tight long sleeve dress and the skirt reached half of my thighs.

What the hell… Hindi na normal ang tibok ng puso ko. Hindi na rin normal ang panginginig ng katawan ko dahil sa excitement.

“I’m waiting,” he demanded when I didn’t say anything.

Slowly, I nodded. The pleasure that he was giving me just by being near was too much that I couldn’t think straight anymore.

“Say it, love,” he said. His fingers trailed the edge of my skirt.

“Yes…” I breathe my answer, almost coming out as a whisper.

He chuckled.

“That’s my girl.”

He put his knee between my legs and forced me to part them. Mas inilapit n’ya pa ang katawan n’ya sa akin at naisandal ko na lang ang noo ko sa dibdib n’ya dahil pakiramdam ko ay hinihigop n’ya ang buong lakas ko. I could feel his strong and hard body on me.

His fingers slipped under my skirt. He teased me as he caressed my inner thighs. Dahil fitted ang damit na suot ko ay umaangat ang skirt ng dress ko sa tuwing tumataas pa ang kamay ni Serj habang hinahaplos ang katawan ko.

I know that he could feel my goosebumps and he seemed to like it as he kissed my ears before he licked my lobe. He sucked it as his fingers reached my cotton panties and stroked my numbing bud through it.

“Serj…” I shuddered as he kept on stroking my sensitive spot. Napaghigpit ang kapit ko sa damit n’ya dahil hindi ko na makayanan ang nararamdaman ko.

Oh, God… Tita Tessa might come in here any minute.

That thought just added to the pleasure I was feeling. Umangat ang kamay ko at pumulupot sa balikat n’ya. I pulled him closer to me.

“Remember this feeling, Natalia,” he said as I felt his fingers parting my panties to the side. I flinched as I felt his bare fingers stroking my folds. “Remember this feeling as I fuck you with my fingers.”

Oh, God… His words alone could give me so much pleasure I almost came apart with that. I buried my face in his chest as I felt him rub my folds, then over my clit. I heard his soft chuckle as his lips brushed my ears.

“So fucking wet for me…” he whispered and I could feel his fingers coated with my arousal.

I was already gasping for air. My breath started to come into little gasps as he began to use two fingers to massage my folds. My legs trembled and Serj pinned my body more onto the countertop. Mas inipit n’ya pa ako roon gamit ang katawan n’ya.

“Ah, Serj…” napapalakas na ang mga ungol ko. I heard his low chuckle as his hand that was pressing on my neck reached over to cover my mouth.

“Shh, Natalia… As much as I want to hear you moan my name, you have to be quiet. You don’t want that woman to see us like this, right?”

I nodded. What we were doing was really dangerous but something must be really wrong inside me as I even found this exciting.

Serj kissed my jaw. Then I felt his fingers slip inside me so easily I knew how turned on and wet I was.

Damn it… This feels so good. Why does this feel so good?

Tahimik akong napapaungol sa tuwing nararamdaman ko ang pagbaon ng mga daliri ni Serj sa loob ko. My moans were muffled against his palm. His two fingers pumping into me as I felt him lick my earlobe.

“I want you to remember that it is my fingers that are inside of you now, Natalia,” he groaned. “That I am the one making you feel like this.”

My mind was in a daze. All I could think about was his fingers pumping in and out of me. His lips and tongue are doing wonders on my neck. His hard body pressed against mine.

I could feel something already building inside me. That something that was inside of me, begging to be released. Napahigpit ang hawak ko kay Serj at sunod-sunod na ang pagkawala ng tahimik na ungol sa bibig ko.

Serj seemed to notice that I was already on the edge. Mas binilisan n’ya ang paggalaw ng mga daliri n’ya sa loob ko.

“Come, Natalia. I want you to come on my fingers.”

My inner walls clenched around his fingers as I reached my peak. My nails dug into his back as I cried out against his palms. My body shuddered as I finally released my orgasm.

Naramdaman ko ang pagkawala ng lakas ko nang matapos ako. I leaned my whole body on Serj and he supported my weight. He kissed the side of my head. I whimpered when I felt him withdraw his fingers.

Damn it. That was— mind-wrecking.

Bahagyang humiwalay sa akin si Serj para titigan ako. He stared at me and I almost came again when I saw the look in his eyes. The lust and desire were so obvious as he looked down at me. 

“Fucking gorgeous,” he said.

I was still trying to catch my breath when I heard footsteps. Nanlalaki ang mga matang napatingin ako kay Serj but he just raised an eyebrow at me. Mukhang inaabangan kung anong gagawin ko.

Bahagya kong itinulak palayo ang dibdib n’ya.

“Move, Serj.” I said.

“Serj? Natalia?” I could hear Tita Tessa just outside the kitchen and I started to panic.

“Move!” I hissed. Itinulak ko s’ya ulit at nagpatulak naman s’ya sa akin.

I tried to fix myself. Inayos ko ang dress ko, pati na rin ang buhok ko. Saka pa lang pumasok si Tita Tessa sa kusina.

“Oh, nandito pala kayo,” she said. She frowned when she looked at me. “Nat, hija. Ayos ka lang ba?”

Damn it. Ano bang itsura ko? Maybe my face was still flushed because of what Serj did to me!

What the hell. I need to get out of here. Away from Serj.

“Tita,” I squeaked. Fuck. I quickly cleared my throat. “I don’t feel so well. Uuwi na lang po muna ako.”

“What? Are you sick?” She put a hand on my forehead. Mabilis akong umiling.

“I just… I just need to rest, Tita. Thank you for inviting me today.”

“Huh? Oh… Okay.”

Napalingon ako kay Serj na nasa likuran ni Tita Tessa. He had a satisfied look on his face and I even saw a ghost of a smirk on his lips. As if he was enjoying the situation.

“Bye, Tita.”

Mabilis akong naglakad palabas at ipinagpasalamat kong hindi ako natapilok kahit na ramdam na ramdam ko pa rin ang ginawa sa ’kin ni Serj kanina at nanginginig pa rin ang mga tuhod ko.

Damn it… Serj really is a devil. And I couldn’t even get away from him.

Chapter 25

I tried avoiding Serj. I think that things were getting dangerous for me and this is the only solution I could think of. Hindi ko na kasi talaga mapigilan ang kung ano mang nararamdaman ko sa kanya. Lalo na sa tuwing hinahawakan n’ya ako. Every time he touches me, all my inhibition flies out of the window.

I just couldn’t resist the feeling that he was giving me. I know that it was a bad thing but it just… feels really good. I never even knew that bad would feel this good.

God… I remembered what happened again. I just came on his fingers. I let him—what did he call it again? —fuck me with his fingers. Like I was some kind of wanton woman when in fact, si Serj pa lang ang nakakagawa ng ganoon sa akin. S’ya pa nga lang din ang nakakahawak sa akin ng ganoon. Not even Yakov who was my boyfriend for a long time!

What’s worse, it was Serj, the half-brother of my ex-boyfriend, that did those things to me.

Ni hindi pa nga nagtatagal simula nang maghiwalay kami ni Yakov!

Damn it. Ano ba kasing meron kay Serj at hindi ko s’ya matanggihan?

Although I admit that I was attracted to him. But what can I do? He’s hot. He’s handsome, the most handsome and sexiest man I’ve seen. ’Yung kagwapuhan n’ya, sobrang out-of-this world pa nga. Anyone would be attracted to him.

Pero mas nagiging malalim pa ang atraksyon na nararamdaman ko sa kanya. The more I spend time with him, the more I get to know him.

He’s reliable and always by my side at such a perfect time. Para bang binigay s’ya sa akin ng pagkakataon dahil magiging ganito pala kagulo ang buhay ko. I didn’t have to face all of this alone, like what I’ve been doing before Serj came into my life.

I didn’t know it would feel this great to know that I had someone with me after all that had been happening. Whenever I would feel tired and wanted to escape, I didn’t even have to tell him ’cause he already knows. He would just take my hand and we would run away until I could get back on my feet again.

I’ve been working hard on my own ever since. And maybe I was just being overwhelmed but… I like being with him.

I like being with Serj. His presence always calms me.

If only he wasn’t touching me every time though.

God, I also like his touch. And I knew I wouldn’t be able to control myself anymore if things continued being like this between us. He’s just really dangerous for me. For my heart.

I have to clear my mind first. With things still messy around me, I have to stay away from him for a while.

“Ma’am, okay lang naman kung hindi pa muna kayo pumasok. Kaya naman namin ni Andrea,” Millie said as I checked the inventory and double checked it on the log book.

After taking my time off for more than two weeks already, I finally decided to visit my shop again. Siguro naman kasi ay humupa na o hindi kaya ay medyo humupa na ang issue tungkol sa pangloloko ni Yakov. Hindi ko rin talaga alam since until now, hindi ko pa rin binibisita ang Facebook account ko.

Umiiwas lang din kasi ako sa stress. I’ve been stressing myself a lot lately. I needed a break. Baka hindi na rin maganda ang maging epekto sa akin.

I smiled at Millie.

“It’s okay. I’ve got a lot of rest na rin naman and… feeling ko rin naaabuso ko na kayo.”

“Naku, hindi po, Ma’am!” magkasabay pa talaga nilang sabi. “Kayo kaya ’yung naging pinakamabait na amo namin!”

“Ang swerte ko nga na ito ’yung naging work ko, ma’am, eh. Tapos kayo pa naging amo ko,” sabi pa ni Andrea.

Napangiti ako nang malawak.

“And I’m also thankful na kayo rin ang nakakatulong ko rito sa shop. You guys are just so good with your job.”

They both giggled. Natawa na lang ako sa kanila.

Sinimulan ko nang magtrabaho ulit para sa shop ko. I continued checking the inventory and the logbook. It seemed like my shop has been doing great even after those weeks I had been away. May naka-note pa ngang may nagre-request na mag-restock ako ng same design of a particular dress.

I had to give it to Millie and Andrea. They’ve done a great job. Mukha ngang hindi na ako kailangan sa shop at pwede ring hindi na ako pumasok dahil kayang-kaya na nilang i-handle ang shop. But I didn’t want to take advantage of that.

Huh… If things would continue being like this, pwedeng-pwede ko nang simulan ang pagpaplano ng third branch out ko.

Maybe I should start to create another design too.

My phone beeped. I checked it out and saw that I received a text from Serj.

Agad ang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko. I groaned when I noticed that my hands were slightly trembling too when I tried to unlock my phone to read his text.

Serj:

Lunch?

It was only a single word but I knew exactly what he meant. He was inviting me to lunch.

I heaved a deep breath and sighed. I scrolled up to see our exchange of messages before. Ilang beses na akong niyayaya ni Serj na lumabas, either for lunch or dinner, pero palagi ko s’yang tinatanggihan. Hindi na nga ako makaisip ng palusot para lang tanggihan s’ya dahil nasa bahay lang naman ako palagi noon.

It was a good thing that the last time, I got to tell him to text me first before he’ll come to my house. Malalaman n’yang wala naman talaga akong ginagawa at hindi na ako makakaiwas sa invitation n’ya.

At least today, I’ll have a valid excuse for declining his lunch invitation again.

I typed in my reply to him.

Me:

I’ll take a rain check on that, Serj. I have a lot of things I need to do here in my shop.

Agad akong nakatanggap ng reply mula sa kanya. Naisip ko tuloy kung nakabantay ba s’ya sa phone n’ya at inaabangan talaga ang reply ko.

Serj:

Can’t you spare some time to have your lunch?

I bit my lower lip. I felt guilty every time I declined his invitation. I feel like I’ve betrayed him. I’ve betrayed the only person that’s always been by my side.

Palagi n’ya akong tinatakas when situation was being bad for me pero ’eto ako ngayon at tinatanggihan s’ya.

But I really think I have to avoid him for a while. I have to think things through first. Kaka-break lang din kasi namin ni Yakov. People were expecting me to look sad and mourning because of the breakup. Not someone enjoying the company of her ex-boyfriend’s half-brother.

Nag-type ulit ako ng reply para kay Serj.

Me:

I really can’t, Serj. I’m sorry. Maybe next time.

Pikit-mata ko iyong s-in-end.

God knows how much I wanted to accept his lunch invitation. I wanted to be with him. He makes me feel that no matter what, everything will be alright.

But things are a bit messy right now. I wanted to fix everything first before…

Before what?

My phone beeped again for another text. Binuksan ko ang reply na natanggap ko mula kay Serj.

Serj:

Alright.

Mariin akong napapikit doon. Huh… What am I even doing? The man I like to be with was inviting me to lunch yet I was avoiding him!

Damn it… Why is my life so complicated?

Tumunog ang wind chime na nakasabit sa pinto ng shop ko nang may pumasok na customer. Narinig ko ang pagbati nina Millie at Andrea sa bagong pasok. I looked up and smiled and was about to greet whoever it was. Pero agad na nabura ang ngiti ko nang makita kung sino iyon.

“Hi, Natalia!” She waved her hand a bit at me with a wide smile plastered on her lips.

“Sabrina…” I muttered her name as I watched her approach me on the counter.

“Wow…” She looked around my shop when she stopped in front of me. Nakapagitan ang batong marmol ng counter sa aming dalawa. She, then, looked at me, still wearing that wide smile on her face. “Yakov’s is right. Your shop’s vibes kinda plain… and boring.”

Napaangat ang isang kilay ko roon. Huh… First of all, hindi ko alam kung bakit nandito ang babaeng ’to ngayon sa shop ko. She didn’t look like a customer or have a plan to buy anything in my shop. Ininsulto n’ya pa nga ang shop ko!

And secondly… sinabi ni Yakov na plain at boring ang shop ko? Just like what he told about me before? That I’m boring at walang lalaki ang makakatagal sa akin?

Damn him! Wala naman si Yakov dito sa harapan ko pero naiinis ako ngayon nang dahil sa kanya!

I took a deep breath and looked at Sabrina without any hint of a smile on my face.

“What are you doing here, Sabrina?”

She frowned at me.

“Ganyan mo ba talaga i-welcome ang customer mo, Nat? Maybe you should go back to school and learn about hospitality.”

I gritted my teeth to at least control my anger. So, she hasn’t changed, huh? Kinda ironic since she seemed to behave nicely back at Tito Charles party. Kaya inakala kong nagbago na s’ya. Nagpapakitang-tao lang pala dahil kaharap na ang mga magulang ni Yakov.

“Bad thing for you though,” I said. “Hindi tinuturo sa school ang pagkakaroon ng delikadesa. Kaya pala wala ka no’n.”

Imbes na mainis, Sabrina even giggled.

“Gusto lang naman kitang kumustahin,” she said as if she was talking to a long-time friend. “Hindi tayo nakapag-usap man lang sa party ni Tito Charles.”

“Yeah. Umalis din kasi kayo agad ni Yakov,” I pointed out.

She gave me a sweet smile.

“May gagawin pa kasi kami ni Yakov no’n so we had to leave early.”

More important than his father’s birthday?

Well, hindi na dapat ako magtaka. Yakov’s irresponsible. Si Tita Tessa na nga rin ang nagsabi na immature pa si Yakov.

“Anyway, you’re aware naman of what’s happening on Facebook, right?” Sabrina asked and I was so sure she was trying to get on my nerves.

“About you and Yakov cheating on me? Of course.” I even smiled to show her that I was not affected by what she was trying to do.

“Yeah, I mean, it’s all over my news feed. The people trying to message and add me are a crazy lot.”

Sabrina giggled again. She looked like she was enjoying this. Na nag-e-enjoy pa s’ya sa kung anong mga nangyayari lately.

“You think that’s funny?” I asked.

“Huh?” Sabrina even looked confused. “Hindi ba? Dumami ’yung followers ko sa Instagram.”

Hindi makapaniwala akong napatingin sa kanya.

“I think there’s something wrong with you.”

That must be it, right? Yakov cheated on me with her. At s’ya pa ’tong may lakas ng loob na bisitahin ako ngayon dito sa mismong shop ko? Tapos kinatutuwa pa n’yang pinag-uusapan kami ngayon sa Facebook? ’Yung pagiging third-party n’ya sa relasyon namin ni Yakov? Masaya s’yang maraming nakakakilala sa kanya dahil sa issue?

While I’ve been stressing out lately because of what happened! Ni hindi nga ako makalabas ng bahay ko but she’s enjoying everything?

Sabrina frowned at me. She even pouted her lips.

“You know, I’m starting to think that you don’t like me, Nat.”

Huh… What the hell? Hindi makapaniwala akong natawa dahil sa sinabi n’ya.

“Of course, I don’t like you, Sabrina. You know that I’m Yakov’s girlfriend—”

“Was—” she chimed in.

“Pero dikit ka pa rin nang dikit sa kanya. I was okay with it before tapos makikita ko na lang na naghahalikan kayo?”

“That wasn’t even the first time!” she said with a wide smile as if she was proud. “Matagal na kami ni Yakov. Like almost a year na. He just couldn’t break up with you though.”

Napamaang ako sa kanya. Napatitig na lang ako kay Sabrina dahil hindi ko mapaniwalaan ang mga sinabi n’ya.

So, matagal na sila ni Yakov? Anong sabi n’ya? Almost a year na raw? Tapos wala man lang akong kaalam-alam!

Ang akala ko pa nga ay hindi talaga magagawa ni Yakov na lokohin ako dahil may pinagsamahan naman kami. Pero halos isang taon na naman pala n’ya akong niloloko!

That fucking asshole. He’s the worst man I’ve ever met! Nasayang lang ang panahon ko sa walang kwentang lalaki!

To think that I even offered him friendship after everything!

What the hell… I felt so dumb.

Naramdaman kong naluluha na naman ako sa sobrang frustration at galit pero pinigilan ko iyon. Hindi ako iiyak dahil sa walang kwentang lalaking ’yon. Lalong-lalo na sa harapan ni Sabrina.

“I did you two a favor, you know. So, you should be thanking me instead,” sabi ni Sabrina na nagpakunot ng noo ko.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, if it wasn’t because of the photos, hindi pa kayo magbe-break, ’di ba?”

“What?” I gaped at her. “You’re the one who posted the photos?”

“Oh, no, no.” She giggled. “ I just asked someone to take a photo of Yakov and me kissing and post it.“

I was… speechless. Hindi ko alam kung ilang beses akong magugulat ngayon nang dahil sa mga sinasabi n’ya.

“Why would you even do that?” tanong kong hindi pa rin makapaniwalang nakatingin sa kanya. I was trying to comprehend how she thinks but I just couldn’t.

Alam ba ’to ni Yakov? Tapos ako pa ang pagbibintangan n’ya, eh, ’yung babae n’ya naman pala ang may kagagawan noon!

“Naiinis na kasi ako kay Yakov!” she said. “Hindi n’ya kayang makipag-break sa ’yo kasi raw ganito-ganyan and it was already pissing me off! Kaya ako na ang gumawa ng paraan.”

“Sabrina, mas lalong gumulo ang lahat dahil sa ginawa mo,” I said. “Kung sa tingin mo magkakasama kayo ni Yakov pagkatapos kumalat ng mga photo, then you’re wrong. His mother sent him away to the province to discipline him!”

“I know,” she said as if that wasn’t a problem for her.

“And that’s okay with you?” Hindi ko talaga maintindihan ang paraan kung paano s’ya mag-isip. “Hinihintay lang namin na humupa ang issue at hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan.”

“Oh, I don’t want the issue to die down. Last night, I posted a photo of me at Tito Charles’ party and it blew up! Some guests confirmed that I was Yakov’s date that night even if you were there.” Humagikgik s’ya. “I didn’t know that elite people like to gossip too.”

“You’re horrible,” I said. The disgust in my voice was obvious.

The hell… Yakov likes this kind of woman?

Sabrina flashed me her sweetest smile.

“No, Natalia… You’re horrible.”

I glared at her. “What the fuck did you say?”

“You’re horrible pero nakakaawa ka rin,” she said. “Everyone around you is controlling you. You like being submissive to them. Tapos isusumbat mo ang mga ginawa nila sa ’yo pero kasalanan mo naman talaga dahil hinayaan mo naman sila.” She scoffed. “There’s nothing good about you and it pissed me off that Yakov was still with you so gumawa na ako ng paraan para maghiwalay ako. In the end, I gained something din naman. I somehow became famous.”

Hindi ko alam kung paano magre-react sa sinabi n’ya. God, ayoko sanang magpaapekto sa babaeng ’to ’cause she’s not worth but she’s so good at getting on my nerves.

“Gusto mong maraming galit sa ’yo?” I asked.

She looked at me like I was stupid or something.

“Babe, bad publicity is still publicity,” she said. She looked at her wristwatch. “I have to go. Till next time, Nat.”

Tumalikod s’ya at naglakad paalis. Pero nakakailang hakbang pa lang nang tumigil s’ya at muling humarap sa akin na parang may naalala.

“Oh, by the way, if you need someone to model your designs, feel free to contact me. I have a lot of followers now.”

I gave her a sarcastic smile.

“You’re crazy if you think I’d really do that.”

Sabrina giggled.

“Bye, Natalia.”

I watched her walk toward the exit. Her hips swayed as she walked. Tumunog ang wind chime nang binuksan n’ya ang pinto hanggang sa isara n’ya iyon.

I took a deep breath and sighed. Napahilot ako sa ulo ko dahil pakiramdam ko ay sumakit iyon sa pakikipag-usap kay Sabrina.

She became worse with the years. Kung noon ay napagtitiisan ko pa ang presensya n’ya, ngayon ay feeling ko, hindi ko na makakaya kung makakausap ko ulit s’ya.

I just couldn’t believe that Yakov chose to cheat on me with her. Na pinili n’yang magloko para sa babaeng ’yon! I’ve never been this insulted in my entire life!

“Wow! Ang kapal ng mukha ng babaeng ’yon, ha?” sabi ni Andrea nang lumapit sa counter. “Iyon ’yung pinalit sa inyo ni Sir Yakov, ma’am?”

“Sorry, ma’am, pero hindi talaga namin maiwasang makinig sa usapan n’yo. Pero nakakainis ang kapal ng apog ng lintang ’yon!” Millie said. Halata ang inis sa mukha n’ya. “Hindi naman masyadong maganda!”

I pursed my lips to stop my smile. Marunong akong tumingin and I knew that Sabrina’s pretty.

Kakaiba nga lang ang ugali. Hindi ko talaga maisip kung paano s’ya nagustuhan ni Yakov.

“Bagay silang magsama ni Sir Yakov,” sabi pa ni Andrea at tumango naman si Millie.

“True! Birds on the same feather flock together!”

“Parehong mga basura.”

Kahit na naiinis sa naging pagbisita ni Sabrina ay napangiti ako sa palitan ng usapan nina Millie at Andrea. Unti-unting nawala ang inis ko dahil sa kanila.

It’s good to have people that would have your back. Iyong magagalit para sa ’yo ’cause they actually care for you.

I smiled at them.

“Let’s have lunch outside,” I said. “My treat.”

Tuwang-tuwa naman silang dalawa. I felt like this wasn’t enough though. Ang laki ng naitulong nila sa shop ko. I think I’ll just give their pay a raise.

Naiwan akong mag-isa sa shop nang mag-closing time na dahil pinauna ko nang umuwi sina Andrea at Millie. It’s my turn to stay and record the inventory now. Ang tagal kong hindi bumisita sa shop kaya kailangang ako na ang gumawa nito.

Nang matapos ako sa ginagawa ko at lalabas na sana ay tumunog ang phone ko para sa isang tawag. I took it out of my bag and saw that it was Serj who was calling. Ilang sandali ko pang tinitigan ang phone ko bago napagpasyahang sagutin ang tawag n’ya.

“Hey,” he greeted me when I answered the phone. His voice was rasp and deep. It feels so good to hear his voice again.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked. Nagsimula na akong maglakad palabas ng shop.

“Dinner? I’ll pick you up at your shop.”

Oh, no. Hindi pwede.

“Nakauwi na ako, Serj, eh,” I said which was obviously a lie. Nandito pa nga ako sa shop ko at papalabas pa lang.

Mas madaling magsinungaling sa text kaysa sa tawag. I even thanked myself ’cause I managed to lie without stuttering!

“Really?”

“Hmm.” I opened the door of my shop and tried to lock it. “Sorry. Next time na lang?”

“I knew it. You’re avoiding me.”

Kinabahan ako roon. Napatigil pa ang kamay ko sa pagla-lock ng pinto ng shop ko.

“What? Of course not. Nasa bahay na talaga ako, Serj.”

I heard him let out a heavy sigh from the other line.

“Turn around, Natalia.”

The moment he said it, I knew I was doomed. I knew that he was behind me and he caught my straight-up lie at him. Hindi ko tuloy alam kung tatakbo ba ako palayo nang hindi na lumilingon sa kanya.

But… Serj seemed like a smart person though. And a mature one. He would know sooner or later that I really am avoiding him anyway. I could at least handle things maturely too.

I took a deep breath. Tinuloy ko ang pagla-lock sa pinto. When I was sure that it was securely locked, I turned around. And my traitorous heart beat faster as soon as I saw him.

He was standing in front of me, looking like the deadliest and sexiest man on earth with his black long-sleeved turtle neck shirt and black pants. Like he was some kind of grim reaper planning to take my soul. And I have no choice but to give it to him as a punishment for lying, for all the sins I’ve done.

His eyes were serious as he stared at me. He had a hard expression on his face like I had just done something wrong and he didn’t like it. I almost cower under his gaze pero hindi ko inalis ang tingin sa kanya.

He still had his phone in his ear. Inalis n’ya ’yon at pinatay ang tawag na nakakonekta pa rin pala sa akin.

Lumapit s’ya sa akin at halos mapaatras ako. Hindi ko na alam kung para saan ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Kung dahil ba sa nakita ko ulit s’ya o dahil kinakabahan ako dahil mukhang hindi n’ya palalagpasin ang pagsisinungaling ko sa kanya.

“Why are you avoiding me?” he asked, still advancing towards me.

“Serj—” I started to say pero napaatras ako nang lumalapit pa rin s’ya sa akin. “Wait, d’yan ka lang.” Itinaas ko pa ang kamay ko para patigilin s’ya sa paglapit.

Tumigil naman s’ya at nakahinga ako nang maluwag. Pero hindi ko maiwasang matakot sa tingin na ibinigay n’ya sa akin.

“Explain, Natalia,” he demanded. “Why are you avoiding me?”

I sighed. I bit my lower lip but when I saw his gaze go down my lips, pinakawalan ko iyon. But the look in his eyes just became more intense and it made me feel something.

I shook my head. This is why I started avoiding him!

“Things are just… so messy around me,” I said. “Kaka-break lang namin ni Yakov. Kapatid mo s’ya.”

“Half-brother,” Serj corrected.

“Okay, half-brother. Kaya nga mas hindi maganda kung may makakakita sa ’ting dalawa. Lalo na ’yung mga ginagawa mo sa ’kin!”

He cocked an eyebrow at me.

“What am I doing with you, Natalia?”

“Alam mo na ’yon,” frustrated kong sabi dahil hindi s’ya nakakatulong sa gusto kong iparating sa kanya.

“No,” he said. His voice was firm. “Tell me.”

I looked at him. He looked really mad. Ayoko namang mas galitin pa s’ya dahil mukhang hindi n’ya tatanggapin ang anumang rason ko.

“I don’t know… Things—” Napatikhim ako. “Things that I shouldn’t even feel sa half-brother ng ex-boyfriend ko. Lalong-lalo na at kaka-break lang namin!”

His jaw clenched. Mukhang hindi n’ya nagustuhan ang sagot ko.

“Why would that be wrong?”

“I don’t know,” frustrated kong sabi. “Kaya nga gusto ko munang maayos ’yung issue ngayon before… Before I figure out whatever’s happening between us.”

He didn’t say anything. He just stared at me with a grim expression on his face. Parang wala s’yang planong tanggapin ang anumang rason ko.

“Serj… I like being with you. I like whatever you’re making me feel but… This isn’t the right time.”

Hindi pa rin s’ya nagsasalita. Serj looked like someone who wanted to control everything, who wanted to make things turn the way he wanted.

God knows how much I wanted to just hug him and ran away with him. Pakiramdam ko, magiging ayos ang lahat kapag s’ya ang kasama ko.

“Alright.”

I blinked. Napatitig pa ako kay Serj. Hindi kasi ako makapaniwalang pumayag s’ya nang ganoon.

“What?” tanong ko pa dahil baka mali ako ng narinig.

“If that’s what you want, Natalia.”

I didn’t know what to feel. This is what I wanted but… I feel sad. I feel alone. Pumayag s’yang lumayo muna sa akin. ’Yung nag-iisang taong kakampi ko.

Damn it. Ang gulo ko. Lately, feeling ko hindi na logical ang nararamdaman ko kapag si Serj ang involve.

Hindi ko namalayan na nakalapit na pala s’ya sa akin. Nagising na lang ako nang maamoy ang pamilyar na bango n’ya. Damn… even his scent was so sexy.

“I’ll do what you want, Natalia.”

He tucked some strands of my hair behind my ears. He leaned down and brought his mouth closer to my ear.

“But the moment this ends, the moment you come into my arms again, I’ll make sure you won’t ever get away from me.”

I felt him kissing the spot below my ears which made me shiver. He chuckled before he whispered in my ear.

“You belong to me, Natalia. You’re mine. Always remember that.”

Chapter 26

Nagkamali ako sa inaakala kong huhupa na agad ang issue ng panloloko ni Yakov matapos ang mahigit dalawang linggo. Boy, I was completely wrong. Umabot na hanggang Instagram din ang panloloko n’ya. Some were even posting about it on their my day stories, giving theories and opinions like Yakov’s cheating was some kind of a puzzle.

I guess it had something to do with the photo that Sabrina posted. Sa Instagram n’ya pala p-in-ost ang sinasabi n’yang photo. Some people, who started following her on Instagram even when the issue was originally posted on Facebook, saw the photo that she posted kaya pinagpyestahan ulit ang issue ng panloloko ni Yakov.

It was, apparently, a selfie photo of her and Yakov with a caption that says, “I’m the happiest to be your date on your Pop’s birthday!”

Napaangat ang isang kilay ko roon. About the caption— actually, about everything. Anyone who would see the photo would think that they’re a couple. Magkadikit kasi ang mga mukha nila. Nakalapat ang isang kamay ni Sabrina sa kabilang pisngi ni Yakov na parang mas idinidikit pa ang mukha ni Yakov sa kanya. They were both smiling at the camera. As if they were happy together.

That photo served as fuel to the issue that was about to extinguish but got ignited again. But I think, this time, things were starting to get out of hand.

Nadadamay na ang mga magulang ni Yakov. I even saw someone say that they were tolerating Yakov’s cheating dahil hinayaan nilang magdala ng ibang date si Yakov sa mismong birthday party pa naman ng dad n’ya. Bakit daw hahayaan kung nandoon rin naman ako.

Some were actually blaming me too for the same reason. Hinayaan ko raw ang boyfriend ko na hindi ako ang dinala n’yang date sa gabing iyon.

I sighed. Sabrina got what she wanted. Hindi pa rin humuhupa ang sitwasyon at mas lumalaki pa nga ang issue.

My phone dinged when I received a message from an app. I checked it and saw that it was from my mother. Nakita ko ang bilog na icon na may picture n’ya sa gilid ng screen ng phone ko. It was indicated that I got two messages from her.

I sighed. I readied myself first. I needed it every time if it was for my mom. Pakiramdam ko kasi ay palagi akong masasaktan kapag kakausapin n’ya ako.

I tapped the icon and opened the message.

Mom:

Is this what you want, Natalia Nicole? Masaya ka nang pinahiya mo ang pamilya natin?

The second message she sent was a link from a post. Hindi ko pa rin binibisita ang Facebook account ko until now kaya wala akong ideya sa mga nangyayari na roon. But judging how my Instagram account got bombarded too, I think I know now even if I don’t open it.

But I was curious about what my mom sent that she was reacting like it was the end of the world. I know that she likes to exaggerate things but… I was still curious.

I tapped the link that she sent and it automatically redirected me to that Facebook post. Ilang sandali lang akong naghintay bago tuluyang nag-load iyon.

So, my mom read this whole post? The captions were too long!

Pinadaanan ko lang iyon ng tingin but when my eye caught those familiar words, or name rather, I stopped cold. I caught my breath and my fingers started to shake.

I now understand why mom took the time to read the whole post. Nadamay na rin kasi si dad. Sobrang lumala na talaga ang issue.

On the post, it was stated my family’s relationship with the Fuentebella. That Gonzales and Fuentebella had been helping each other ever since. Mas naging matibay pa ang bond ng mga families namin lalo na nang maging kami raw ni Yakov. But with Yakov’s cheating, baka magkaroon na raw ng lamat ang bond na ’yon. Lalo pa at hindi maganda ang ginawa ni Yakov.

He cheated on me. They think that my parents would get mad at Yakov for what he did to me. Some even what to hear my father’s side about this. They even mentioned his Facebook page in the comment section.

I let out a frustrated groan. Naihilamos ko ang isang kamay sa buong mukha ko.

My god! This is so messed up! Nadadamay na si Dad!

He’s a senator! Hindi ba nila naisip na may mas importante pang dapat pagtuunan ng pansin si dad, gaya na lang ng problema ng bansa, bago ang cheating issue ng ex-boyfriend ng anak n’ya?

Damn it… Ano na lang ang iisipin ni Dad? God, I was so scared just thinking that he’s being bothered by something like this!

Should I call him? I should call him, right? Gusto ko lang s’yang kumustahin. And I wanted to apologize that he’s getting dragged because of this.

I decided to call him. Matagal na nag-ring ang phone n’ya bago n’ya sinagot ang tawag. I was about to greet him when he spoke first.

“What is it, Natalia? I’m in the middle of an important meeting.” I heard the urgency in his voice.

Natigilan ako at nakalimutan ko agad kung ano sanang sasabihin ko. Damn it… What the hell was I thinking calling him so suddenly like this? I didn’t even think that he was always busy! That I couldn’t just call him anytime like this! Hindi ko man lang din inisip muna na baka busy nga s’ya ngayon at may meeting pa!

Oh, no… Naistorbo ko s’ya. He’ll get mad at me. I know he’ll get mad at me.

“I-I’m sorry, dad… I was just worried kasi… because of the issue.”

“Issue? What issue?”

“Yakov’s… cheating.”

“I don’t have time for useless things like that. Iyon lang ba ang dahilan kung bakit ka tumawag ngayon?”

I bit my lower lip. Yes… He was right. It was useless. I bothered him for such a useless thing.

“Yes… I’m sorry po. Nag-alala lang po ako kasi nadadamay na kayo.”

I heard him sigh from the other line. He was disappointed, I know. Inistorbo ko s’ya para lang dito.

“I’m aware of it, Natalia, but I’m just ignoring it,” he said. Kalmado ang boses pero kinakabahan pa rin ako.

“They’re tagging your Facebook page.”

“It’s not a problem since I’m not the one managing it. They only show me critical issues I should address.”

I’m so stupid. Of course. Bakit ba nakalimutan ko ang tungkol sa bagay na ’yon?

“I’m sorry, dad…”

I heard him sigh again.

“Anything else, Natalia?”

“No… Wala, dad.”

“Alright. Next time, call me if it’s something important.”

Tumango ako kahit hindi n’ya naman ako nakikita.

“Take ca—”

Hindi ko na natuloy ang sasabihin ko nang marinig na ang end tone sa kabilang linya. Dad ended the call just like that. I already used to him ending call like this, like he was always in a rush, but… hindi ko pa rin maiwasan ang magtampo.

Hindi ko ba s’ya pwedeng tawagan para lang kumustahin. I get it that he’s busy but he is my dad. I get worried about him too. Hindi ba pwedeng tawagan ko s’ya kapag nag-aalala ako sa kanya? ’Cause, that’s what a family is, right?

Well, I was at fault anyway. Naistorbo ko kasi s’ya when he was having an important meeting.

Ibinaba ko ang phone ko sa tabi ko. I was still lying on the bed. Plano ko sanang pumunta ulit ngayon sa shop pero bigla akong nawalan ng gana. Nawalan ako ng ganang kumilos para sa buong araw na ’to.

Ang akala ko ay matatapos na ang stressful days ko, mae-extend pa pala. Kailan ba talaga matatapos ang lahat ng ’to?

My God, Yakov. Gagawa ka na nga lang ng kalokohan, madadamay pa ang lahat. Pipili ka na lang ng babae, pero ’yung ganoon pa talaga ang nagustuhan mo.

That girl was clearly into fame. She used the fact that Yakov and I were children of public servants. I couldn’t help but think that she’s into Yakov because of that.

But… who am I to judge? Wala na akong pakialam sa kanila. At least, wala na kami ni Yakov.

I decided to just stay home for the day. Sinabihan ko na rin sina Andrea at Millie. I don’t think I can work well when I’m feeling like this.

Inubos ko na lang ang oras ko sa paggawa ng new designs. I sat on my work table. Creating new designs always takes my mind off everything. Kaya gustong-gusto ko ang ginagawa ko. At least here, I could be free. Mabuti na lang din at hindi naman naapektuhan ng mga nangyayari ang will kong gumawa ng bagong designs.

I was too invested in what I was doing. Namalayan ko na lang na gabi na pala kung hindi lang nagsimulang dumilim ang paligid ko. I was kind of hungry as well. Tinapos ko na muna ang ginagawa ko before I took a picture of it and saved it in my computer.

I decided to check my email as well. I think the last time I checked it was before Yakov and I broke up. I got so busy with what’s happening lately and if I’ll be honest, natakot na rin akong i-check ang kahit anong account ko. I was afraid that someone might reach out to me because of the issue. Dahil napakaraming ganoon sa Facebook.

I was scrolling through my inbox, scanning the emails that I received, until something caught my eye. Napaderetso ako ng upo at tinitigan ko pa ang laptop ko kung tama ba ang nakikita ko at hindi ako nagha-hallucinate lang dahil sa sobrang stress nitong mga nakaraang araw.

My hands were actually shaking as I clicked the message. My breathing hitched and my eyes widened when I read the whole email. I think I started to hyperventilate as well.

Irina Morozova replied to my email!

“Oh, my God… Oh, my God… I can’t breathe.”

What the hell? What the hell? Is this really happening? Did she really reply to my email? O nanaginip lang ako ngayon dahil sa sobrang stress ay ginustong kong may magandang mangyari?

Wait, ulitin kong basahin ang email n’ya. Hindi ko kasi nabasa nang maayos dahil sa panginginig ng buong katawan ko.

I was smiling so wide as I read the message again. My tears fell, it was tears of joy, ’cause I was so damn happy with what I was reading. Bukod pa sa nag-reply sa akin ang mismong idol ko!

I couldn’t contain all my emotions, all my happiness right now. I wanna share this with someone. At isang tao lang ang pumasok sa isip ko. He’s the reason why I had this chance too.

I took my phone and dialed his number. Ilang sandali lang ay sinagot n’ya agad ang tawag ko.

“Serj!” I said his name merrily before he could say anything. “Oh, my gosh, you will not believe it.”

“Natalia?” rinig ko ang pagtataka sa boses n’ya pero hindi ko iyon pinansin.

“Irina replied to me!” I was so damn happy I couldn’t control the joy in my voice. I think I was even squealing now. Baka mabingi si Serj dahil halos tumili na ako. “Last week pa actually, pero ngayon ko lang kasi na-check ’yung email ko because I got distracted with the issues.”

“Hmm?” he hummed and despite the happiness, I’m feeling, I couldn’t stop getting goosebumps when I heard his sexy voice. “You called me as soon as you saw her reply?”

“Yes! I just couldn’t contain my emotions! I needed to share it with someone. Ang hirap kiligin mag-isa!” masaya ko pang sabi pero nawala agad ang ngiti ko nang maala ang naging tawag ko kay dad kanina.

Oh, my gosh… Baka may ginagawa s’ya! Baka naistorbo ko s’ya. Hindi naman importante ang tawag ko pero tinawagan ko s’ya para lang maglabas ng feels ko!

“Oh, are you busy?” I grimaced. “I’m sorry if I disturbed you with this call—”

“No, Natalia.” His voice was firm. Like he was telling me what I was saying was ridiculous so he cut me off. “I’m glad I’m the person you called. I’m glad you share your feelings with me.”

I bit my lower lip, feeling so happy that he said those words. Why does it seem like he always says the right words to me?

Nabawi ’yung pagtatampo ko kay dad kanina. Palagi na lang pinapagaan ni Serj ang pakiramdam ko.

“Want me to come over?” he asked. “Won’t it be better to tell all of this to me in person?”

I remember the last time we met. I told him he should stay away from me dahil hindi maganda kung may makakakita sa aming dalawa. That it’s not the right time for us. I know I’m starting to develop feelings toward him and I wanted to fix everything first before I figured it out.

Pero mas lalo pa ngang lumala ang sitwasyon ngayon because of Sabrina.

Fuck it. I don’t care anymore.

“Okay,” I said. I wanted to see him.

“You know what it’ll mean, Natalia,” he warned.

He won’t let me go if I run back to him. I know.

“I don’t care anymore, Serj.”

I heard him chuckle softly. God… I miss that sexy chuckle too.

“Alright, Natalia. Wait for me.”

I was feeling anxious while waiting for him. Parang mas kinakabahan pa nga yata ako ngayon kaysa nang mabasa ko ang reply sa akin ni Irina kanina. Serj could really make me feel something like this.

Anxiousness. Anticipation. Excitement.

Shortly after, I heard a car honk from outside my house. Alam kong si Serj na ’yon kaya nagmadali ako sa paglabas. Narinig ko pa ang tunog ng doorbell nang makalabas ako ng bahay kaya halos takbuhin ko na ang distansya papunta sa gate. I opened the gate and was greeted with the sexiest and most handsome man I’ve ever met.

He was wearing a black V-neck long-sleeved sweatshirt, which has a white stripe on the collar, and black pants. He looked so dashing that I almost forgot the reason why he went here.

“Serj…”

He took a step inside and closed the gate behind him. I smiled. Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko at niyakap s’ya. I buried my face in his chest and was welcomed by his scent.

I felt his arms wrapped around my waist. Nahigit ko pa muna ang paghinga ko bago hinigpitan ang yakap sa kanya.

My heart was beating so loud. I missed this feeling. I missed his warmth. I missed everything about him.

“What happened to ‘it’s not the right time’?” he asked and I was so sure he was only teasing me. Halata naman sa boses n’yang nakangisi s’ya.

“I don’t care anymore,” sabi kong mas hinigpitan pa ang yakap sa kanya.

I felt his broad shoulders shake lightly as he chuckled. Feeling his warm and strong body move against me was making me feel something. He buried his face in my hair and inhaled it.

“What did Irina say?” he asked. His voice was muffled through my hair.

“She said my works are wonderful.”

He let out a short chuckle.

“Fuck, yes.” He kissed the top of my head. “What more?”

“She invited me to her next fashion show.”

Ramdam kong natigilan si Serj. Bahagya n’ya akong inihiwalay sa kanya para matitigan ako. He looked at me and his eyes were serious.

“Did you give her a reply?” he asked.

Umiling ako.

“I wanted to tell it to you first.”

“And?” He was waiting for my answer.

“Of course, I want to,” I said. “Irina said that that she’ll give me a ticket and would want to meet me.”

“That’s in Moscow, Natalia. In Russia.”

“I know…”

I stared at him. I could see that more than anyone, he wanted this. He wanted this more than me.

I think… I could use some break after everything.

His hand reached for my cheek. I leaned my head more onto his palm, feeling the warmth on my skin. Nagsimulang maging mabigat ang mga titig ni Serj. Ngumiti ako sa kanya.

“Sasamahan mo ba ako?” I asked.

His lips curled into a knowing smirk. There was a gleam in his eyes that told me he was delighted with my decision.

He trailed his thumb on my lower lip. Nawala ang ngiti ko at napaawang ang mga labi ko. Bahagya n’yang ipinasok ang daliri n’ya sa bibig ko and I could feel the tip of his thumb on my teeth.

My heart started to thump crazily. Nagsimula na ring maging mabigat ang paghinga ko dahil parang hinihigop ng mga mata ni Serj ang buong lakas ko.

“I don’t take my words back, Natalia.” His voice was a rasp. “I told you that once you came running back to me, I don’t plan on letting you go anymore.”

“Yes…” I breathe.

“So, you’re fucking mine now, love.”

Tumango ako. There was some fire in his eyes that got ignited with my nod. His one arm, still wrapped around my waist, pulled my body closer to him. I could smell his fresh breath which got me more intoxicated.

“Once I claim these lips, you won’t be able to escape from me anymore.” The fire in his eyes got stronger as he stared at my lips. Ang haplos n’ya ay nasa ibabaw na ng pang-ibaba kong labi but I could tell he was controlling himself. As if he wanted to insert his thumb fully into my mouth.

Fuck… I think I’ll like that.

Tumango ako. I was already panting with the sensation that I couldn’t speak anymore.

Serj looked in my eyes. His gaze turned ferocious and commanding.

“Do you understand, Natalia?”

“Yes.” My voice barely came out as a whisper.

“And once I claim these lips, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop myself.” His jaw clenched. His control over himself was almost escaping. “Would that be okay?”

Tumango ako. But the cruel look in his eyes told me he wanted to hear it.

“Yes, Serj… Yes.”

He smirked. Slowly, his head dipped until his mouth hovered over mine. His lips almost brushed with mine.

“Good girl,” he said before he finally claimed my lips.

Chapter 27

WARNING: R18

–

I was surprised by the sensation I felt the moment Serj’s lips touched mine. It feels like I’ve just been electrocuted and my whole body reacted just by the touch of his lips. I could feel goosebumps all over my body. Kusang napapikit ang mga mata ko kasabay nang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko.

Serj’s lips were warm against mine. It was comforting yet sensual to the feeling. His lips were so soft that I had to press my lips more into him dahil pakiramdaman ko ay gusto ko pang mas maramdaman ang mga labi n’ya. I wanted him to kiss me more dahil nakalapat lang ang mga labi n’ya sa akin.

It seemed like Serj knew what I wanted ’cause he started moving his lips. Fuck, it felt so good. He was only kissing me but my whole body was reacting. Naramdaman ko ang unti-unting pag-iinit ng katawan ko sa bawat paggalaw ng mga labi n’ya. Or was it the air that felt warmer around us?

Hindi ko na napigilan ang pagtugon sa mga halik n’ya. Damn it. His lips just taste so good that I know I wouldn’t feel satisfied just with this. Ipinulupot ko na ang mga braso ko sa mga balikat n’ya at mas hinila s’ya palapit sa akin.

“Fuck,” Serj cursed against my lips as he groaned. It was so hot to the feeling and that’s a turn-on for me.

Ang kamay n’yang nasa panga ko ay bumaba papunta sa leeg ko. He wrapped his hand around my neck and tilted my head more to angle my face so he could kiss my mouth full. His fingers gently pressed to the sides of my neck but I could feel his restrain.

Oh, no… He said that he wouldn’t be able to stop himself when he kissed me pero mukhang ako pa yata ang hindi makakapagpigil ngayon.

“Serj—” I tried to move away from him but he answered me with an unsatisfied groan. Mas humigpit ang kapit n’ya sa leeg ko at hinila ako palapit sa kanya.

“Don’t. Fucking. Move.” He was gritting his teeth. Mukhang hindi talaga nagustuhan ang paglayo ko.

“Let’s take this inside, Serj. ’Wag dito,” sabi ko at sinubukan ulit humiwalay sa kanya pero hindi n’ya ako hinayaan. Instead, he kissed his way to my cheek until he reached my ear and whispered.

“But you wanted something like this, right?” His breath fanned my ear and it just added to what I was already feeling. “I noticed how your body’s reacting whenever it gets risky.”

He bit my earlobe and I let out a cry that sounded like a moan. Mabilis kong tinakpan ang bibig ko. Gabi na at sobrang tahimik ng paligid na alam kong baka nga may makarinig noon.

And it frustrates me ’cause I realize… Serj was right.

He chuckled against my ear. He probably realized what was happening to me. Pero humiwalay s’ya sa akin at tinitigan ako. There was a wicked glint in his blue eyes that I almost cowered under his gaze.

Bahagyang tumaas ang hawak n’ya sa leeg ko papunta sa panga ko. He held my jaw in a savage way and he looked down at me as if he was about to give me punishment.

“But I’m a greedy and selfish man, Natalia. I don’t want anyone else to see this,” he said as his hold on my jaw tightened so that it started to hurt. “Not when this will be the first.”

Bumaba ang kamay n’ya at ang pulsuhan ko naman ang hinawakan n’ya ngayon. I wasn’t ready when he pulled me with him when he started walking towards the door of my house that I almost stumbled on the way. Pero mabilis naman akong nakabawi hanggang sa makapasok kami sa loob ng bahay ko at isinara n’ya ang pinto.

The moment he closed the door, he held both my arms and slammed my body to the door. Naramdaman ko pa ang sakit pero nawala agad iyon sa isip ko nang mabilis n’yang atakihin ng halik ang mga labi ko.

I quickly wrapped my arms around his shoulders again and answered his kiss as he ravaged my lips. Sinubukan kong pantayan ang intesidad ng mga halik n’ya. He was kissing me roughly as if he wanted to devour my lips. Mas dumidiin ang paghalik n’ya sa bawat pagtugon ko.

A moan escaped from me as I lifted my back when I felt his arm wrapped around me. Naramdaman ko ang kamay n’yang ’yon sa likod ng ulo ko. His fingers fisted on my hair and pulled it. I let out a cry when I felt the sting but it was only muffled against his mouth.

Napatingala ako at mas dumiin pa ang halik n’ya sa akin kasabay nang pagdiin din ng katawan n’ya sa katawan ko. He pinned me between the hard door and his strong body so that I couldn’t move anymore.

His other hand reached for my neck; this time; he didn’t hold back his control anymore. He pressed the sides of my neck tighter this time, enough for me to feel the pressure and I found it slightly hard to breathe. It only lasted for a few seconds before he released the pressure.

“Tell me if this is okay with you, Natalia,” he said as he tried to slightly squeeze my neck again.

Tumango ako. I already feel lightheaded with his kiss but him choking my neck added to that feeling and I don’t know why I seemed to like it.

“I need to hear your answer, love,” he demanded and pressed the sides of my neck longer this time.

“Yes,” I whispered, wanting his lips on mine again.

“Yes, what?”

“I want this. I want you choking me.”

I felt his smirk against my lips as he kissed me again. Ang init-init na ng pakiramdam ko na feeling ko ay nag-aapoy na rin ang buong katawan ko. But I didn’t want to stop. I want this. I want the feeling that Serj is making me feel.

I felt him squeezing my neck again while kissing me. I was already feeling so out of breath kaya mas kinakapos pa ako ng hangin dahil sa ginagawa n’ya. Pakiramdam ko ay lumulutang ako and when I tried to gasp for air, Serj released his hold on my neck as he delved his tongue into my mouth.

I moaned when I felt his warm and wet tongue in my mouth. He tugged my hair again at mas napatingala pa ako. He was kissing me hungrily as his tongue explored the insides of my mouth, as if he wanted to consume me. Ni hindi ko magawang salubungin ang dila n’ya sa sobrang intesidad na nararamdaman ko sa halik n’ya.

I think he was sucking my energy with his kiss dahil naramdaman ko ang panlalambot ng mga tuhod ko. I wasn’t able to stand straight anymore so I leaned my whole weight onto him.

Nahalata iyon ni Serj. He crouched down and placed his other arm on the back of my knees and carried me princess-style without breaking our kiss.

Wala na akong pakialam kung saan n’ya ako dadalhin pero saglit lang ang paglalakad n’ya. He put me down and my hips felt something. Tinigil ko ang paghalik sa kanya para tignan iyon. It was the edge of the countertop.

“This will do,” Serj said bago ako pinatalikod.

He was behind me. His hand fisted on my hair and tugged my head to the side so he could have a better access as he kissed my neck. I almost squirmed as I felt his tongue doing a circular motion na nagpatayo sa mga balahibo ko. Ang isang braso ni Serj ay pumalibot sa bewang ko at mas idiniin ako sa katawan n’ya.

He licked his way up to the back of my neck and I couldn’t help the moan that escaped from my lips. Sobrang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko at kinakapos na ako sa paghinga dahil sa mga ginagawa n’ya. I knew that he could feel my pulse quicken as he actually trailed the pulse on my neck with light kisses.

“I warned you that I wouldn’t be able to control myself. But you still said yes,” he said as he kissed every bit of the skin on my neck. “Do you have any idea what I want to do with you, Natalia?”

I bit my lower lip and looked up as I tried to catch my breath. The sound I was making was so… sensual. I don’t know how I was turned on by it.

Mas idinikit ko pa ang katawan ko kay Serj. I want to feel his strong and chiseled chest behind me, to feel his warmth in me.

Mas humigpit pa ang pagkakapulupot ng braso ni Serj sa bewang ko. His arm looked so muscular that I saw his muscle flexing as he tried to hold me in place. Iyon ang hinawakan ko para makakuha ng suporta dahil nanghihina na naman ang mga tuhod ko.

“I want to fuck you. Hard,” Serj whispered in my ear. “I want to fuck you without showing you any mercy.”

I don’t even know why it sounded so hot!

His hand let go of my hair but it wrapped around my neck this time, pressing the sides until I find it hard to breathe.

“I’ll make you feel how savage, how ruthless, and how brutal I am with every plunge of my cock deep inside your pussy.”

Oh, my God. Doon pa lang ay nawalan na ako ng lakas. I would probably fall on the floor if only Serj wasn’t holding me.

Mas naramdaman ko pa ang paghigpit ng kapit n’ya sa leeg ko. I felt lightheaded but fuck… I could feel that familiar feeling building inside me, just on the part between my thighs. Pakiramdam ko ay nanginginig na rin ang mga tuhod ko.

“That I don’t have any ounce of gentleness in me,” Serj continued and he proved it by putting pressure on my neck a bit more.

Then he let go of my neck.

Agad ang pagsagap ko ng hangin. My heart was thumping so loud and fast inside my chest that I was worried it may burst out. But fuck, the pleasure it gave me as Serj choked me was so strong, I thought I could already have my release with that.

“But not now… Not now, love,” sabi ni Serj at naging magaan ang paghawak n’ya sa leeg ko. He caressed my neck so softly and sensually that I almost cried. “There’s a right time for that.”

He started to unbutton my top. He removed it halfway through my body so he could kiss my bare shoulder.

“For now, I’ll just taste every bit of your skin.” He proved that by licking my shoulder. “I wanna fucking know how you taste. So Bad.” He licked his way upward until he reached my ear. “Make you come with my tongue.”

He removed my shirt completely. Isinunod n’ya ang bra ko. naramdaman ko ang mainit n’yang palad sa likod ko at ang bahagyang pagtulak n’ya like he wanted me to leaned over the countertop which I did. Naramdaman ko ang malamig na marmol sa katawan ko.

I felt him crouched down behind me and I yelped when his warm and wet tongue made contact with the skin on my lower back. Mas napaliyad ako sa countertop when I felt him lick the valley on my back upwards. I was already jerking with the pleasure at hindi ko alam kung makakatagal pa ako.

“Serj,” I cried. I bit my lower lip. Nailapat ko na lang ang ulo ko sa countertop with my head to the side.

He stopped when he reached my ear and whispered.

“For now, Natalia… It will just be my tongue for now.”

With his one strong move, he managed to put me on the countertop. Mabilis ang naging kilos n’ya nang patihayain n’ya ako. He then grabbed my hips and pulled me to him until I was already on the edge of the countertop.

I looked at him and he looked so powerful as he removed my shorts in one swift move without taking his eyes off me. He removed my underwear next and in no time, I was fully naked in front of him.

I saw how he stared at my body. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang bigat ng titig n’ya sa bawat parte ng katawan kong tinititigan n’ya. He stared at every bit of my skin as if he wanted to memorize it. The heat and lust in his blue eyes were so evident it almost seemed like his eyes turned a darker shade.

He stared at me na para bang isa akong pagkain na nakahain sa harap n’ya. There was a beastly look on his face, as if he was ready to ravish the food but wanted to tattooed the scene in his mind. Na kahit gaano pa s’ya kagutom ay gusto n’ya munang kabisaduhin ang nakikita n’ya.

Nakaramdam ako ng kahihiyan dahil sa paraan ng titig n’ya. Like I was the most desiring woman he’d ever met. I was about to cover my body but Serj didn’t let me. He held my wrists and pinned them to the side.

“Don’t you fucking dare, Natalia,” he warned.

“Please,” I breathe out kahit hindi ko naman alam kung anong hinihingi ko.

He showed me a terrifying smirk like he was satisfied with my begging. Pumaibabaw s’ya sa akin at nagsimulang halikan ulit ako. I wanted to pull him close as I kissed him back but he was holding my wrists in place. Nakuntento na lang ako sa binibigay n’ya.

Slowly, he made his way down to my neck. He was doing what he promised, licking every part of my skin so that I felt how warm and wet his tongue was. Bumaba pa ang mga labi n’ya papunta sa dibdib ko at napaungol na lang ako.

He inserted one of my breasts inside his mouth. He let go of my wrists to start playing with my mounds. He was squeezing, massaging it as his mouth sucked and licked my nipples. Napapalakas ang ungol ko sa tuwing kinakagat-kagat n’ya iyon.

“Oh, fuck—” I let out a cry as I felt so much pleasure with what he was doing.

Huh… I couldn’t even recognize my voice with all the sounds that were coming from me. Hindi ko akalain na sa akin nangggagaling ang mga tunog na ’yon. Like a woman in pain but with my every moan, it was so obvious I was enjoying everything. Napasabunot na nga ako sa buhok ni Serj at mas idiniin pa ang ulo n’ya sa akin.

Napaliyad ako nang bumaba pa ulit ang mga labi ni Serj pero ang mga kamay n’ya ay patuloy pa rin sa pagmasahe ng mga dibdib ko. My tummy constricted as he licked the way with the tip of his tongue. Nakaramdam kasi ako ng kiliti. Mukhang nahalata iyon ni Serj dahil naramdaman ko ang pagngisi n’ya nang halikan n’ya ang tyan ko. Nang tignan ko s’ya ay nakatingin pala s’ya sa akin. His blue eyes looked like a beast enjoying his meal.

“Serj…”

“Hmm?”

Fuck. I want more.

I stared at him. His hands caressed their way down to the side of my waist, down to my thighs. Pabalik-balik n’yang hinaplos ang mga binti at mga hita ko. His palm felt so rough against my soft skin but it just added pleasure to me.

He just chuckled as he bent my knees. Hinayaan ko lang s’ya sa ginagawa n’ya sa akin. Just looking at him doing those things to me was enough to reach my orgasm. Ramdam ko kung gaano na kabasa ang gitnang parte ng mga hita ko.

He slowly parted my knees without taking his eyes off me. It was so fucking sensual. My body was on fire at nang makita ko ang pagtitig ni Serj sa pagkababae ko, I almost lost it.

“You’re dripping,” he said. His jaw was clenching and when he looked at me again, the lust in his eyes was so clear. “I wanna lick you dry.”

“Please, Serj…”

His lips curled into a smirk as he knelt on the floor. Mas pinagparte pa n’ya ang mga hita ko bago ulit ako tinignan.

“Try to last long, love. ’Cause I won’t stop till I’m satisfied.”

The moment he started to lick my folds, I almost screamed. Malakas akong napaungol at hindi ko nakontrol ang pagsara ng mga hita ko. But Serj held my thighs parted. He pulled my hips so my legs were on his shoulders. Nakasampay ang mga binti ko sa mga balikat.

He was licking my folds without making contact with my clit and it was making me crazy. Every time his tongue would almost make contact with my clit, napapaangat ang balakang ko. But Serj will push my hips down, keeping me in place. He looked up at me with unkind eyes.

“Be a good girl, Natalia. Don’t fucking move.”

“But, Serj—”

Naging ungol na lang ang sasabihin ko sana nang maramdaman ko ulit ang pagdila n’ya sa parteng iyon. He flattened his tongue as he licked upwards and the tip grazed my clit. Mas lumakas ang ungol ko dahil doon. I tried not to make a move even if I wanted to squirm.

I looked at Serj, which was a wrong move, ’cause the view of him enjoying licking me almost put me on the edge. I was panting. Sinubukan kong panoorin pa rin s’ya pero hindi ko na kinaya ang pamumuo ng kung ano sa kalamnan ko.

Serj noticed that I was near to reach my peak dahil sunod-sunod at mahahabang ungol na ang pinapakawalan ko. One lick with my clit and my orgasm exploded.

I let out a loud moan as I reached my peak. Nanginig ang buong katawan ko kasabay nang pagkabingi ng tenga ko. My vision turned white and I felt dizzy with the best feeling I was having right now.

Ilang sandali bago humupa ang pakiramdam na ’yon. I tried to catch my breath. My heart was thumping crazily against my chest. Sinubukan kong kalmahin ang sarili ko but Serj still kept on licking me.

My body jerked when he licked my still sensitive clit. I cried out and tried to move away from him but his hold on me was so firm. I let out a sob dahil halos hindi ko makayanan na sensitibo pa rin ang parteng iyon pero hindi pa rin tumitigil si Serj.

“Wait, Serj. Saglit—” I cried out a moan when he sucked my clit. “Oh, my God. Wait, I can’t—”

No… I don’t think I could last long. I was still feeling sensitive. My body was even jerking every time he licked my clit. Sinubukan kong itulak s’ya pero hinawakan n’ya ang mga pulsuhan ko gamit lang ang isang kamay n’ya.

“Don’t fucking move, Natalia,” he warned as he licked my clit again.

Fuck. I’m going crazy. Alam kong hindi ako tatagal lalo pa at nararamdaman ko na naman ang pamumuo sa kalamnan ko.

I bit my lower lip. I just want to rest for a while dahil nakakabaliw sa pakiramdam ang ginagawa n’ya. But he was really cruel as he wouldn’t let me. He just kept on licking and sucking that numbing bud hanggang sa hindi ko na nakayanan.

“I’m—” I couldn’t even finish my words when I reached my orgasm again.

My body was jerking so much I couldn’t control it. Napasabunot ako sa buhok ni Serj na naging dahilan ng pagdiin lang ng mukha n’ya sa gitna ko. I cried out when he didn’t stop sucking my clit even if I was still having my orgasm.

He drank all my juice and continued what he was doing. Mababaliw na nga yata talaga ako kapag hindi pa tumigil si Serj. My voice was already hoarse with all the screaming and loud moaning I was doing.

He said that I should try to last long until he feels satisfied. Hindi ko alam kung kailan mangyayari ’yon. Looking at him in between my thighs, with my legs still on his shoulders and he holding them firmly, it seemed like he was enjoying ravishing my folds so much.

I don’t think I could last any more than this. His tongue was just so… sinful. Naubos ang lahat ng lakas ko.

But I couldn’t stop him. I won’t stop him. I like the feeling. The pleasure, the sensation. The feeling of lightheadedness whenever I reached my orgasm. I don’t think I will be able to forget this feeling.

Serj finally stopped when he made me come five times. Pakiramdam ko ay wala na akong boses at ubos na ubos na ang lakas ko. Ni hindi na ako makagalaw sa pagkakahiga ko sa ibabaw ng countertop.

Namumungay na ang mga mata ko nang tumayo s’ya. He stared at me. There was a satisfaction on his lips as he smiked. Nakita ko ang mamasa-masang mga labi n’ya. Thinking it was my because of my juice made me let out a short and soft moan.

“Fucking sweet,” he said as he wiped his lips with his thumb but sucked it after. Napabuntong-hininga na lang ako sa ginawa n’ya.

“You’re… insatiable,” nanghihina kong sabi sa kanya.

He chuckled as he helped me get up. Nakaupo na ako ngayon sa countertop. He wrapped his arms around me and I let my head rest on his shoulder.

“If you want to share your happiness with someone again, call me,” he said.

Napasimangot ako bago napapikit. Bumibigat na ang mga mata ko sa pagod.

“You don’t have to tell me. Gano’n naman talaga ang gagawin ko,” inaantok kong sabi.

He kissed my bare shoulders.

“If you’re sad, call me,” he said and my lips curled in a lazy smile. “I’ll give you my shoulders to put your legs on.”

Agad na nawala ang ngiti sa mga labi ko at mahinang hinampas s’ya sa likod kahit napapikit pa rin. Hindi na ako nagsalita dahil hinihila na ako ng antok. But I felt his body shake as he let out a soft chuckle.

I felt him kiss the side of my head before he carried me, princess-style. Napakapit na lang ako sa mga balikat n’ya at sinubsob ang mukha ko sa dibdib n’ya. I let myself drift into sleep.

“I finally fucking have you, Natalia.”

Chapter 28

A familiar scent filled my nose even before I opened my eyes. My lips broke into a smile. The day has only started and yet my chest felt so full already. I think this is the first time I experienced something like this the moment I woke up.

I snuggled closer to where that comforting scent was coming from. Mas napangiti pa ako nang maramdaman ko ang paghapit ng mabigat na bagay na nakapatong sa bewang ko. I could feel a gentle warmth beside me that was spreading through my entire body.

Huh… I don’t want to open my eyes. Natatakot akong baka mawala ang masarap na pakiramdam na ’to kapag idinilat ko ang mga mata ko.  I was afraid that this was all just a dream and everything would fade if I woke up. Na kapag nagising ako ay sasalubungin na naman ako ng mga problemang araw-araw pa yatang nadadagdagan.

I just want to stay like this forever.

Mukhang nakahalata naman ang nasa tabi ko. Mas hinapit n’ya pa ako palapit sa kanya and a satisfied moan escaped my lips, making him chuckle. My smile widened as he kissed the top of my head and inhaled the scent of my hair.

“It’s morning, Natalia…” he said with a deep, gruff voice.

Huh… Ang sexy talaga ng boses n’ya.

“Good morning,” I said but I didn’t make any move to move away from him. If anything, I think I would fall asleep again dahil sobrang komportable ng pakiramdam ko ngayon.

We were both under the comforter and I knew I was still completely naked. Ramdam na ramdam ko pa nga ang init ng palad n’yang humahaplos sa hubad kong likod. He was caressing my back, down my waist and hips, then his hand will go up to my back again. It was like he was caressing me to sleep kaya bumabalik lang tuloy ang antok ko.

While he was fully clothed. Kaya siguro parang hindi pa ako makuntento sa nararamdaman kong init mula sa kanya. I wanted to feel his skin completely. To feel his warmth through his skin.

“We shouldn’t skip breakfast,” he said but he was still caressing my body. He should stop if he really wanted me to get up ’cause his gentle touch wasn’t helping me.

“Gusto ko pang matulog…”

He didn’t say anything but I felt his body shake a little as he chuckled. Mas ibinaon ko pa ang mukha ko sa dibdib n’ya, ready to sleep again. Pinakiramdaman ko ang gaspang ng palad n’yang humahaplos sa balat ko. It felt so good, it sorts of felt like he was massaging me.

From my waist, his hand went up and cupped my breast. Now, he really started to massage it, squeezing and kneading it. The way he caressed my body turned sensual and my body slowly started to get hot.

I took a deep breath and sighed to release the tension building inside me and started to relax with his touch. But when he pinched my nipple, my body twitched and I buried my face in his neck.

“Serj…”

Napahawak ako sa damit n’ya nang bumaba ang paghaplos n’ya sa katawan ko. It was comfortable before but now, it makes my body feel as if it was on fire.

He caressed my thigh first before lifting it and wrapped it on his waist so my core would be exposed and he could now easily touch it. Bahagya akong napadilat nang maramdaman ko ang mga daliri n’yang nagsimulang maglaro sa gitna ko, pero muli ring napapikit nang magustuhan ko ang paraan ng paghaplos n’ya.

Damn it… It felt so good. He really knows exactly how to make me feel so good.

“Ah, shit,” I breathed when he started to play my clit. Ang kamay ko ay pumulupot na sa balikat n’ya. My hand reached for his hair and grabbed some strands when I couldn’t stop feeling so good anymore.

I started to feel so out of breath when he stroked my folds with his fingers. He moved his finger in an up and down motion, doon mismo sa may gitna, before he pressed his finger to put pressure on it. Hindi ko na alam kung paanong galaw na ang gagawin ko.

“This would probably wake you up,” I heard him say with his controlled voiced. Mas hinapit n’ya ako palapit sa kanya gamit ang braso n’yang ginagamit kong unan. He fisted on my hair, making me moan in pleasure. Pero pinakawalan n’ya rin ang buhok ko.

I realized that a slight touch from Serj could easily ignite the fire inside me. No one has ever had that effect on me. Si Serj lang ang kayang magbigay ng ganoong pakiramdam sa akin. And I couldn’t even resist him.

I don’t think I ever wanted to resist him.

“Oh, my—” I bit my lower lip as he started to insert his finger in me. It went in easily as I was already so wet with his touch. Ramdam ko pa nga ang dulas ng daliri n’ya na alam kong ako rin naman ang may dahilan.

He pumped his finger in and out, slowly at first then he would pick up his pace. Napapalakas ang ungol ko sa tuwing bumibilis ang pagpasok ng daliri n’ya. Then I would try to catch my breath when he slows down.

My insides clenched around his finger more as the tension I felt on my tummy became unbearable. Mas lalong bumibigat ang paghinga ko at mas nag-iinit ang katawan ko. I wanted a release. I needed a release. I ground my hips to reach my peak sooner.

Naramdaman ko ang muling pagsabunot ni Serj sa buhok ko. He pulled my head away from him so he could see my face. I have no idea how I looked as he stared at me with my lips parted and with my eyes looking back at him but my vision was already blinded by the pleasure and lust he was making me feel.

I noticed his jaw clenched as he pumped his finger in me, harder this time. My breathing hitched as I let out a short and quick moan every time his finger went inside me.

I know I was near. I ground my hips again, more desperately this time.

“Don’t stop, please,” I pleaded. Nakita ko pa ang pagngisi n’ya bago n’ya mas binilisan ang galaw ng daliri n’ya. Several more thrusts before my orgasm exploded and I let out a long moan.

“So fucking beautiful,” I heard him hissed as he watched me reach my peak.

My body twitched while I was trying to calm myself. I was feeling lightheaded, looking at Serj. With a cruel and strict look on his face, I saw him put his finger that was coated with my juice inside his mouth. He licked my juice off at napabuntong-hininga na lang ako sa ginagawa n’ya. I almost orgasmed with that scene again.

He smirked. Hindi ko alam kung para saan. But there was a wicked glint in his eyes as he looked at me.

“Are you fully awake now?” he asked. His voice has some playfulness in it.

Napasimangot ako na ikinatawa n’ya nang mahina. Inalis ko ang pagkakapulupot ng hita ko sa bewang n’ya. I moved away from him, trying to clear my head, with my back lying completely on the bed. Pakiramdam ko kasi ay hindi ko magagawa nang maayos ’yon kapag nakadikit ako sa kanya.

Huh… That was such a unique way of waking me up.

I turned my head to the side to look at Serj. Nakatagilid s’ya. Nakatukod ang siko n’ya sa kama and he used the back of his knuckles to support his head as he looked down at me. Napatingin ako sa kabuuan n’ya at napansing iba ang damit na suot n’ya ngayon kaysa sa suot n’ya kahapon.

“You went home?” I asked. He looked like he had also taken a bath too.

Umiling s’ya. His black hair looked messy in the morning. Alam kong ako rin ang dahilan noon dahil sa pagsabunot ko sa buhok n’ya kanina.

“I used the emergency clothes I always have in my car,” he said. “Besides, I don’t want to leave your side for too long. Especially in bed.”

Hindi ko alam kung mangingiti ba ako o mas mapapasimangot sa sinabi n’ya. Serj chuckled with my reaction. He reached for my face and caressed my cheek.

I leaned my head more on his touch. I smiled while looking at him. I still couldn’t believe that he could give gentle touch like this despite the harsh and strict features of his face.

“I should take a shower,” I said pero hindi pa rin naman ako kumikilos.

Serj just kept on caressing my face. Titig na titig s’ya sa akin. He seemed to be unable to stop staring at me for a brief moment as his blue eyes swept over every feature of my face.

“You look so beautiful in the morning, love…” he said, almost like a whisper. “Makes me want to fuck you hard.”

Agad akong napairap at nagpumilit bumangon. I used the comforter to cover my naked body. Narinig ko ang mahinang pagtawa n’ya kaya sigurado akong nakita n’ya ang pamumula ng mukha ko bago ako bumangon.

“Damn it, Natalia…” he said with a chuckle. “Your innocent reaction is a fucking turn-on.”

“Tumigil ka na nga, Serj,” nahihiya ko nang saway sa kanya. Pero tinawanan n’ya lang ulit ako.

Nakakainis! Umagang-umaga pero ang kalat na ng mga pinagsasabi n’ya!

“Don’t worry. I promised to take it slow. I wanna see your every reaction with what I’m planning to do with you,” sabi pa n’yang mukhang walang planong tumigil.

“Serj!”

Sa sobrang hiya ko ay mabilis akong umalis ng kama dala ang comforter na tumatakip sa katawan ko. I turned to look at him and I saw him lying on the bed completely. But he was looking at me and the look he gave me felt so heavy as he eyed my body. As if the comforter didn’t do anything to hide my nakedness as he already saw every part of me anyway.

“Let’s have breakfast after you finish your bath,” he said and the ghost smirk on his lips told me he was about to say something again. “Although I already had my dessert a while ago.”

I felt my face redden when I realized what he was talking about. Mas napatunayan kong iyon nga ang tinutukoy n’ya nang ngumisi nga s’ya sa akin.

“D’yan ka na nga!” sabi ko at mabilis na pumasok sa banyo. Pero narinig ko muna ang pagtawa n’ya bago ko maisara ang pinto.

I groaned in annoyance—more for myself. Parang gusto ko na lang kasing bumalik sa tabi n’ya when I heard that sexy chuckle again!

Nagsimula na lang akong maligo para naman maalis ang anumang nararamdaman ko. I could never relax when it was because of Serj. Everything about him makes me feel something. Kanina ngang kagigising ko palang, gumaan na kaagad ang pakiramdam ko as soon as I smelled his scent without even seeing him.

It was only his scent yet he already managed to make me feel good as if my whole day would already be good too. Kaya ganoon na lang talaga ang epekto n’ya sa ’kin. His entire being was too much for me.

But… I like it. I’ve never felt this comfortable and peaceful in my life. 

I rolled my eyes for myself when I forgot to bring my change of clothes. Lumabas tuloy akong nakatapis lang ng twalya at dumiretso sa cabinet para kumuha ng damit ko. I never turned to look at Serj who was still on the bed but even without looking at him, I could feel the weight of his gaze on me. Pinagpapawisan agad ako kahit katatapos ko lang namang maligo.

I went back quickly to the bathroom as soon as I got my clothes. I heaved a deep sigh of relief and started to get dressed. Isang oversized shirt at shorts lang ang isinuot ko.

“I’ll cook our breakfast,” I said when I finally went out. Tumango si Serj at bumangon na sa kama para sabay na kaming bumaba.

I smiled when I felt him following behind me as we went down the stairs. I don’t know. Hindi ko mapigilan ang ngiti ko. My heart was racing. This was the first time we ever woke up together, alone, but I felt comfortable. As if this was the most normal morning for me. The perfect morning for me.

I think… kinikilig yata ako. I could imagine our marriage life being like this.

Huh… That escalated quickly. Tumalon talaga agad sa marriage life ’yung imagination ko?

We went to the kitchen and when I saw the countertop, I remembered what happened yesterday. Mabilis kong iniiwas ang tingin ko roon at umaktong normal lang ang lahat.

Shit… Shit… I could still hear how I moaned yesterday! I could still feel the feeling of his tongue on me as he—

“Natalia.”

“Huh?”

Mabilis akong lumingon sa likod ko. Serj was looking at me. Hindi ko alam kung iniisip n’ya rin ba ang nangyari kahapon dahil wala akong mabasa sa mukha n’ya.

“I put the clothes that you let me take off of you yesterday in the laundry basket,” he said without any emotion on his face but I could see that he was fighting back a smirk.

I looked at him. Deadpan.

“Thank you, Serj.”

Mabilis akong tumalikod sa kanya at dumiretso sa kusina para magluto na. Hindi ko na ulit s’ya tinignan dahil pakiramdam ko ay mamamatay ako sa kahihiyan!

I heard Serj let out a soft chuckle as he sat on the high chair on the countertop. Pigil na pigil akong lingunin n’ya especially when I heard him tapping his finger on the countertop as if he was trying to make me remember what happened there yesterday!

I forgot! He’s cruel! This man is so cruel!

“What are your plans?” Serj asked as I started to cook breakfast.

Nilingon ko s’ya saglit at binalikan ang niluluto kong egg and bacon.

“For today?” I asked.

“No. About Russia.”

“Oh…” Oo nga pala. “Hindi pa pala ako nakaka-reply kay Irina.”

Serj didn’t say anything pero rinig ko ang pagkilos n’ya. The next thing I knew, he was standing beside me. Patalikod s’yang sumandal sa granite top at pinanood ang pagluluto ko. Mukhang hindi yata nagustuhan na nakatalikod ako sa kanya habang nag-uusap kami kaya tumabi na sa ’kin.

“But you can go to Russia anytime?” he asked as he crossed his arms over his chest.

I looked at him. Kinailangan ko pang tumingala dahil sa tangkad n’ya.

“Hmm… Pwede naman. Wala na naman akong kailangang gawin dito.” Besides, I think I wanted to escape the cheating issue circulating right now.

“We can go today then.”

“What?” Gulat pa akong napatingin sa kanya. Napatigil pa talaga ako sa pagluluto. “Wait lang naman. Baka pwedeng mag-impake naman ako ng mga damit?”

Serj stared at me.

“You wouldn’t be needing many clothes when you’re with me. You’ll always end up naked anyway.”

“Serj!” I had never imagined he could be this playful!

Natawa s’ya nang hampasin ko ang braso n’ya. ’Yung kamay ko pa talaga ’yung nasaktan! His biceps felt so hard and strong!

Well… That’s why he could give the best hug anyway.

“I have a private plane. We can go anytime.”

Saglit kong binalingan ang pagluluto bago nakasimangot na tumingin sa kanya.

“Just how rich are you anyway?” I asked. “Mas mayaman ka pa yata kay Yakov.”

He has an expensive car. Hindi pa nga nagsi-sink in sa akin iyon. Now, he’s telling me he has a private plane?

Serj’s face turned serious. His blue eyes turned a bit darker and I noticed his jaw clenched. Kinabahan agad ako dahil mukha s’yang galit. Hindi yata nagustuhan ang pagbanggit ko sa pangalan ng kapatid n’ya.

“Can you stop mentioning that bastard’s name when you’re with me?” he said with gritted teeth. He looked angry kaya hindi na ako tumanggi at tumango na lang.

“Okay,” I said. “Kain na tayo.”

He took a deep breath, calming himself before he nodded. I smiled at him. He stared at me for a while as if deciding if he should give me a punishment for saying Yakov’s name. He then sighed before pulling me and hugging me.

“I have you,” he said. “I fucking own you now, Natalia.”

I nodded as I hugged him back. Damn it. Hearing him say that he owns me sounds so hot. Nagbibigay iyon ng kakaibang epekto sa akin na hindi ko kayang kontrolin.

Maybe Sabrina was right. I am submissive. But then, I only want to be submissive to Serj.

I decided to call dad when we finished eating. I wanted to tell him about my plan of going to Russia. Si dad ang naisipan kong tawagan dahil alam kong hindi papayag si mommy at baka pilitin lang akong ayusin ang lahat ng nangyayari ngayon kaysa sa umalis.

I don’t know how I could fix the issue anyway. I don’t think may magagawang maganda kung magsalita pa ako. It’s not like I was the one who did something wrong. Sa tingin ko rin, walang plano si Sabrina na patahimikin ang issue na ’to.

It would be best if I just escaped this. To lie low.

“Natalia?” bungad ni dad pagsagot n’ya sa tawag ko.

“Dad… Don’t worry. Feeling ko importante naman po ang sasabihin ko.”

Serj, who was sitting beside me on the sofa, glanced at me before looking at his phone again. Hindi ko alam kung anong ginagawa n’ya but the way he scrolled his thumb over his phone, and how the phone’s light illuminated his face was so distracting. Everything about him was so distracting.

Ang gwapo-gwapo ng lalakimg katabi ko.

“What is it?” rinig kong tanong ni dad sa kabilang linya.

“You know Irina Morozova? My inspiration. She invited me to her next fashion show.” I paused. “That’s in Moscow po.”

Ilang sandaling natahimik si Dad sa kabilang linya. Kinakabahan ako habang hinihintay ang susunod n’yang sasabihin. My dad was strict too but not as controlling as my mom. He lets me do things as long as I make sure that it will be perfect. That it would make me look perfect.

“You’re going,” he said. Hindi iyon tanong pero tumango ako na para bang kaharap ko lang s’ya.

“Yes. I don’t want to waste this chance of meeting the person that inspired me.”

“Kailan ang alis mo?”

“Uhm…” Napasulyap ako kay Serj na nakatingin sa phone n’ya pero alam kong nakikiramdam sa mga sinasabi ko. “Possibly… Tomorrow.”

“You’re going alone?”

I shook my head.

“Remember Serj, dad? Yakov’s half-brother. He’ll be with me. He knows the place.”

Pansin ko ang pagkakatigil ni Serj. He pocketed his phone and leaned back on the sofa, looking at me. Mukhang hinihintay din ang sagot ni dad mula sa magiging reaksyon ko.

Hindi ko tuloy alam kung saan na ako dapat kabahan, sa isasagot ba ni dad o sa titig sa ’kin ni Serj.

“Alright.”

Huh?

Napatingin pa ako sa phone ko para i-check kung may mali roon dahil hindi iyon ang inaasahan kong marinig. But I didn’t see anything wrong with my phone.

“Dad?” I checked if it was really him that I was talking to from the other line.

“Tell me when you will go back.”

Huh? Am I really talking to my dad? Ganoon na lang s’yang kadaling pumayag?

“U-uhm…” I was caught off-guard by how easy this conversation was. “I s-still don’t know—”

“Just update me.”

“O-okay po.”

“Anything else?”

“Uhm…”

I hesitated. Pinag-isipan ko pa kung sasabihin ko pa iyon. Ayoko na sana dahil baka maistorbo ko pa s’ya. But it would be rude if I just went without telling my mom.

“Dad, pwedeng ikaw na ang magsabi kay mom? I know she wouldn’t let me go if I told her about this.”

I heard dad sigh. Napangiwi pa ako. Natakot na biglang bawiin n’ya ang pagpayag n’ya.

“Kaya ako ang tinawagan mo.”

I grimaced even more. “I’m sorry po.”

He sighed again.

“Alright. I have to go. I have an important meeting,” he said.

I let out a sigh of relief. Napangiti ako.

“Thank you, dad.”

There was a pause.

“Take care, Natalia.”

Dad ended the call after that. Ilang sandali pa akong napatitig na lang sa phone ko. I just couldn’t believe how easy that was. May akala pa nga akong baka hindi rin pumayag si dad considering with the issues right now. Ang akala ko ay hindi n’ya magugustuhan na parang tinatakbuhan ko ang problema.

But last time, when I told him about the issue, he said something like not to call him if it was not important. Maybe to him, the issue is really nothing? Kaya ayos lang din sa kanya na umalis ako and not do anything about it?

Huh… Magkaiba talaga sila ni mom. In a way.

“What did your dad say?”

I looked at Serj. He looked like he wanted to hear some good news. Hindi ko naman alam kung anong gagawin n’ya kung sakaling hindi n’ya magustuhan ang isasagot ko.

But the odds were in his favor anyway so I’m sure there wouldn’t be any problem.

“Pinayagan n’ya ako,” I said and smiled at him. “Let’s go to Russia tomorrow.”

Serj smirked, looking satisfied. Sa tingin ko pa nga ay gusto n’yang ngayon kami umalis but I still have things I needed to do. Tinawagan ko na rin sina Andrea at Millie para sabihing sila na muna ang bahala sa shop. I think they understand that I just wanted to lie low for a while again dahil umingay na naman ang cheating scandal ni Yakov dahil kay Sabrina.

I’m so glad I have the best employees.

Buong araw akong nag-asikaso lang sa mga maiiwan ko. I replied to Irina’s email as well and I got back her reply after an hour. She was asking for an address where she could send the tickets. Sinabi ni Serj na s’ya na lang daw ang makikipag-usap kay Irina.

Huh… I wonder what’s his relationship with her. He said that she’s a friend of a friend. I wonder if that was true? Parang ang close kasi nila since pwede n’yang kausapin ng ganoon si Irina.

Ah, damn it. Nagka-trauma na yata ako dahil kay Yakov. Pinaghihinalaan ko na ang mga girl friend na ’yan.

Kinabukasan, hindi pa sumisikat ang araw ay nasa airport na kami. Halos hindi na nga ako nakatulog. Serj said I could sleep on the plane anyway since mahaba naman daw ang travel time.

“What are you doing here?” tanong ni Serj sa lalaking sumalubong sa amin sa private hangar ng airport kung saan naka-ready na ang private plane n’ya.

The man chuckled. Tinitigan ko ang lalaki. He was wearing a white button-down longsleeve polo tucked in his black pants. Bukas hanggang sa pangatlong butones ang damit n’ya so I could clearly see the skin on his chest and neck that were covered in tattoos. Nakarolyo ang sleeves n’ya hanggang sa siko n’ya kaya kita ko rin ang braso n’yang punong-puno rin ng tattoo. I bet the one on his neck and chest was connected to the tattoo on his arms.

I tried to make out what it was but couldn’t. It was still dark plus, I felt Serj’s arm snaked on my waist kaya nawala na ang atensyon ko sa lalaki.

I looked at Serj and saw that he didn’t like that I was checking the man. Natakot tuloy ako. I was just curious about the man’s tattoos. Hindi ko na lang ulit tinignan pa ang lalaki.

“I want to personally fetch my boss. Bawal ba?”

I was surprised that he just spoke in Tagalog so I looked at him again. The man noticed my stare at him and he gave me a smile. I saw his perfect set of teeth. Ang ganda rin ng ngiti n’ya. It was a carefree smile.

“I’m gonna gauge your fucking eyeballs out if you won’t stop looking at her,” Serj said with gritted teeth.

Natawa ang lalaki. I looked away from him dahil sa palagay ko ay mas magagalit lang si Serj. I just realized that he is really possessive and dominant.

Serj looked at me.

“He’s Killian,” he said and jerked his head towards the man.

I looked at the man named Killian and he bowed to me. His lips wore a smirk that looked lighthearted but I saw a hint of mystery in it.

“Call me Kill, madame .” He said the last word with a Russian accent.

“Oh, uhm…” Napasulyap pa ako kay Serj na hindi na yata inalis ang tingin sa akin bago muling tumingin kay Kill. “I’m Natalia.”

Killian just smiled at me. But I didn’t feel any comfort in his smile. I felt uneasiness instead. 

Serj said something to him in Russian. Pinanood ko lang mag-usap ang dalawa. Then, Serj looked at me and squeezed my waist which made me jump a little.

“Let’s go,” he said, taking me with him as he started walking towards the plane. Nakita ko pang ngumiti sa akin si Killian nang madaanan namin s’ya.

“Enjoy the flight to Russia, madame .”

Chapter 29

I woke up finding Serj kissing me. Hindi ko nga namalayan na nakatulog pala ako. Nagising na lang ako dahil sa kakaibang pakiramdam and when I finally opened my eyes, Serj’s face was so close to me. His eyes were closed as I felt his hot lips moving against my lips.

An automatic smile escaped from my lips. Napaungol ako at ginantihan ang mga halik ni Serj. I felt him smirk before he deepened the kiss. Kusang napapikit ang mga mata ko at napahawak na lang ako sa mga balikat n’ya.

Where are we? Are we still on a plane? I have no idea dahil paggising ko ay mas inuna ko pa talagang tugunin ang mga halik ni Serj kaysa ang alamin kung nasaan na kami.

Huh… I guess we’re still on a plane. Nakatulog siguro ako as I didn’t get enough sleep last night dahil maaga nga kaming bumyahe.

Damn it. I don’t care. All I care about now is that Serj’s kissing me.

His lips felt so good. It was so hot and so soft. The way he moved his mouth was stirring something inside me. Para bang may pinipilit s’yang gisingin sa loob ko sa pamamagitan ng mga halik n’ya at nagtatagumpay naman s’ya.

I tried to match the intensity of his kiss. He groaned and deepened the kiss even more. His mouth was devouring me. His tongue trailed the outline of my lips before he inserted it inside my mouth.

His thrusted his hot and wet tongue inside and it feel like he was making love with my mouth. Hindi ko na naman mapigilan ang pagkawala ng isang ungol mula sa lalamunan ko. Pumulupot na ang mga braso ko sa mga balikat n’ya at hinigit s’ya palapit sa akin.

I tried to meet his tongue with mine pero nalulunod na ako sa mga halik n’ya. I couldn’t answer his kiss properly. He was in charge of everything. Mukha rin namang wala lang sa kanya kunv hindi ako makatugon nang maayos sa mga halik n’ya.

He liked it when he was in control.

He was a good kisser. There’s no doubt about that. Noong una pa lang ay ramdam ko na iyon. He kissed me so great that I couldn’t help but kiss him back. I even think that no one could ever refuse his kiss the moment they were able to have a taste of Serj’s luscious mouth.

Ah, fuck, no. Hindi ko nagustuhan ang iniisip ko. I wanted it to be only me. Ang gusto ko ay ako lang ang hahalikan at mahahalikan pa n’ya ng ganito.

Iniangat ko ang likod ko mula sa sandalan when I felt his hand behind me, supporting me. I could feel him pulling my body closer to him. Habang ang isa n’yang kamay ay gumapang papunta sa batok ko. Idiniin n’ya ang ulo ko sa kanya para mas maging malalim pa ang mga halik n’ya.

Nang hindi s’ya makuntento ay umangat ang kamay n’yang nasa batok ko. He fisted on my hair and tugged it. I inhaled sharply with the force and the sting I felt on my scalp. Mas napatingala lang ako sa ginawa n’ya. He now has a better access with my mouth.

He was kissing me harshly now. Para bang nanggigigil at hindi makuntento sa lapit namin. As if he wanted to devour me whole. He was nibbling my lower lip, biting it, and I could feel the sting pero nakakalimutan ko ’yon sa tuwing pinapadaanan n’ya ng dila n’ya ang parte ng labi kong kinagat n’ya.

I thought this would go on forever pero tumigil si Serj sa paghalik sa akin at bahagyang lumayo. Hinabol ko pa talaga ang mga labi n’ya. He let out an amused chuckle.

I was still disoriented with the kiss when he caressed my lips with his thumb. May kakaiba pa akong emosyong nakita sa mukha n’ya na parang gusto n’yang gawin sa mga labi at bibig ko. Something impure. Something… immoral.

“We’re here now, love,” he said, almost in a whisper. Pero nakatitig lang s’ya sa mga labi ko. The hand that fisted on my hair earlier was now massaging my scalp gently.

“Huh?” I blinked. Saka lang ako luminga sa paligid. “Nasa Russia na tayo?”

I even looked outside the window. It was dark. But I saw lights from below kaya nasisiguro kong nasa ere pa kami.

“No. But the plane’s going to land now,” sabi ni Serj kaya napatingin ulit ako sa kanya. “I’m sorry I had to wake you up.”

“Oh, don’t be. It’s okay.” Kung ’yung halik ba naman ang paraan n’ya ng paggising sa ’kin, it is more than okay.

Ilang sandali ay in-announce na nga ng pilotong papalapag na kami. The lights inside the plane became dim. And soon enough, the plane finally landed.

Inalalayan ako ni Serj hanggang sa makababa kami sa plane. I am definitely out-of-the-country now. Mahahalata sa hangin. The air feels and smells different.

Nakita ko si Killian na mukhang may kausap sa phone habang nakatayo sa tabi ng isang sasakyan. My eyes squinted as I noticed that it was an expensive car. It was a midnight blue Ferrari. Sa tabi ng kotseng ’yon ay isa ring mamahaling kotse. A black Bugatti Chiron.

Okay, what the hell?

Napatingin ako kay Serj. May palagay akong sa kanya ang itim na kotseng iyon.

“That’s your car? The Bugatti?” I asked kahit na may hinala na ako. I just wanted his confirmation.

“Yeah,” he said. Pero hindi naman s’ya sa akin nakatingin. He was looking at Killian with a serious look on his face.

What the… Gaano ba talaga kayaman si Serj? He got his own private plane. He also bought an expensive car in the Philippines. And now he has a black Bugatti freaking Chiron here?

Mas mayaman pa nga yata talaga s’ya sa mga Fuentebella. Kina Yakov.

Nilapitan kami ni Killian. Mas naging pormal ang expression sa mukha ni Serj lalo na nang iniabot sa kanya ni Killian ang phone.

“Your father, boss,” he said as Killian handed the phone to Serj.

Serj said something in Russian. Pagalit ang pagkakasabi n’ya. I didn’t have to learn the language to know that he just cursed as I noticed his jaw also clenched.

Kinuha n’ya rin naman ang phone mula kay Killian. I felt his arm snake on my waist like he wanted to make sure I would still be by his side even if his attention was on someone on the phone. I couldn’t understand why but I liked the gesture.

Dahil hindi ko rin naman maintindihan ang mga sinasabi ni Serj ay napatingin na lang ako kay Killian. I found him looking at me. As if he was observing. But when he saw me looking at him, he gave me a smile.

There was really something mysterious in him. At ayoko nang alamin pa kung ano iyon. His tattoos were already making me curious. Ayoko nang dagdagan pa ng iba.

“How’s the flight, madame ?” tanong pa sa akin ni Killian. Napansin kong napasulyap sa amin si Serj pero nagpatuloy sa pakikipag-usap sa phone.

“It’s okay,” tipid kong sagot.

“Hindi ka napagod?”

I shook my head.

“Nakatulog ako halos buong byahe.”

Wala nang sinabi si Killian at ngumiti na lang sa akin. Mabuti na lang at natapos na sa pakikipag-usap kay Serj. Ibinalik n’ya ang phone kay Killian.

“I have somewhere I needed to go,” he said. Napatingin ako sa kanya at sa akin n’ya pala sinasabi iyon.

“Where?” I asked. S’ya lang? Hindi ba ako kasama?

“It’s something about work,” he just said. Not elaborating anything.

“At this hour? It’s already late.” Hindi ko alam kung anong eksaktong oras na. But I’m sure worktime’s already over.

“He’s the boss, madame ,” sabi ni Killian. “There’s nothing late if it’s about work when you’re the boss, right?”

Hindi ako nakasagot doon. Nakuha ko naman agad kung anong punto n’ya. I have my own business as well and I could understand that if there’s a problem with my business, kahit gaano pa ka-late ay hindi pwedeng ipagpaliban ang pag-aayos.

But… we just got here in Russia. Work talaga agad ang sasalubong kay Serj?

“Killian will take you to where you will stay,” Serj said. Mukhang nahalata ang alinlangan ko. He caressed my face and his expression softened. “Don’t worry. This will be quick.”

I knew there was nothing I could do so I just nodded my head. Serj made a small smile. Narinig ko pa ang pagtikhim ni Killian pero hindi namin s’ya pinansin. Serj dipped his head and kissed me deeply.

“I’ll see you later,” he said.

Pinauna muna kami ni Serj na makaalis bago ko s’ya nakitang pumasok sa sasakyan n’ya. Napabuntong-hininga na lang ako sa passenger seat at tumingin sa labas ng bintana habang nagmamaneho si Killian.

I didn’t want to look at the driver’s side. I felt so uncomfortable being with Killian. He always gives me a smile simula nang makita ko s’ya but there’s something in his smile that feels so creepy.

I miss Serj. Serj made me uncomfortable too at first but there’s this force that pulled me into him no matter how hard I tried to resist him. There was something in him that told me he wouldn’t let me go kahit noong unang pagkikita pa lang namin.

I couldn’t believe na hahanap-hanapin ko na ngayon ang presensya n’ya. I was still feeling uncomfortable around him at times but it was making me feel excited too. His presence was too strong to resist anyway. And I like it. I like how it feels like I am under his spell every time I’m around him.

Idagdag pa ’yung mga halik n’ya. Damn it… I want to feel his kisses again.

Nagulat na lang ako nang ipinasok ni Killian ang kotse sa malawak na gate na parang sa isang villa. It was an automatic gate. Buong byahe ay hindi man lang ako nakapag-concentrate sa daan kahit nakatingin naman ako sa labas ng bintana. Serj occupied my thoughts. Mukhang hindi na nga talaga ako makakatakas sa kanya.

Limang minuto pa yatang nag-drive si Killian bago namin narating ang… Is this a mansion? Or a hotel? It was surrounded by lush gardens and there was even a fancy fountain in the middle. The mansion looked so luxurious; it was breathtaking that I thought I was looking at a two-floor modern castle. It has black and white exteriors.

Nang makapasok kami sa loob ay mas napahanga pa ako. The reception room boasts crystal chandeliers, and expensive antique and reproduction furniture. There was even a grand piano before the two black staircases.

This is probably a hotel.

“Nasaan ang mga gamit ko?” tanong ko kay Killian nang matapos na akong mamangha sa paligid.

“It is already in your room, madame ,” he said. His smile was polite.

“Anong room number ko?” I asked.

Pansin ko ang pagkakatigil n’ya. His eyes, which I just noticed were dark green in color, squinted slightly at me. Bahagya rin itinagilid ang ulo na para bang nagtataka kung anong sinabi ko.

“Room number?”

I nodded. “Yeah. This is a hotel, right?”

Killian pursed his lips. Halata kong pinipigil lang n’ya ang ngiti n’ya. Gumaan din nang bahagya ang paraan ng pagtitig n’ya sa akin pero agad din iyong bumalik sa dati.

“You should ask my boss.”

Tumango na lang ako at sinundan ko lang s’ya nang magsimula na s’yang maglakad. We went upstairs and walked through the hallway. I saw some paintings na nakasabit sa dingding pero hindi ako nagkaroon ng sapat na oras para matitigan ang mga iyon. Abala rin kasi ako sa pagtitig sa likuran ni Killian habang naglalakad s’ya.

Huh… So, his tattoos even stretch to the back of his neck. Hindi ko lang talaga masabi kung anong klaseng tattoo iyon.

Nagulat pa ako nang tumigil s’ya sa harap ng isang malaking mahogany na pinto. I stopped and stood behind him but he wasn’t opening the door. He looked at me and smiled.

“If you’re really that curious, you can ask me, madame ,” he said.

“Huh?”

“You’re curious about my tattoos, right? You’ve been staring at it every time you have a chance.”

I didn’t say anything. So, he noticed? I didn’t know how. Hindi n’ya naman ako nahuli. I think he just felt that I was staring.

Huh… I think that was rude of me. Kapag din naman ako ang tinitigan, hindi ako mapapakali. I wouldn’t like it either.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

Killian smiled even more and shook his head.

“Don’t be. I told you; you can just ask me if you’re really that curious.”

Muli akong napatitig sa mga tattoo n’ya. Dahil ang iba ay natatakpan ng tela, hindi ko talaga ma-figure out ang mga ’yon. But I think I could make out those tattoos on his arms.

I saw things like an arrow, a gun, a sword, a cross. They were aligned in a way that looked cool and artsy. Maangas tignan. Hindi ko na makita pa ang iba dahil natatakpan na iyon ng sleeves n’yang nakarolyo hanggang siko.

Umiling ako. “No, it’s okay. Hindi naman kailangang tanungin ang mga nagpa-tattoo kung bakit sila may tattoo.”

His smile turned into a sly smirk.

“Aren’t you gonna ask when and why I put a bunch of unnecessary things on my skin?”

Ilang sandali akong napatitig kay Killian. No. It looked like he didn’t want me to ask. He just wanted me to tell the answers even without me asking.

I held his gaze.

“Tell me then.”

He let out a chuckle. A chuckle that sounded eerie in my ears.

“I’ve put something that made me remember every single person I’ve killed.”

Napaawang ang mga labi ko.

“What?”

“Like a remembrance,” paglilinaw n’ya na parang hindi ko naintindihan.

Suddenly, the air felt so cold. Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko dahil sa sobrang kaba. I started to feel scared as I looked at him. Pinigilan ko ang sarili kong mapahakbang paatras, palayo sa kanya dahil ayokong malaman n’yang natatakot ako ngayon.

“You killed… people?”

“Still am,” he said. Like he was proud. “I kill everyone who gets in the way of my boss.”

Huh…? Si Serj? Why?

I was so confused. Hindi ko alam kung bakit biglang sinasabi ’to sa akin ni Killian ngayon. I looked at him, trying to find if he was really telling the truth. Pero kahit na nakangiti s’ya sa ’kin, his eyes told me so. There was a vicious glint in those dark green eyes.

He killed people? Nakapatay na s’ya? And he still would kill in the future if someone gets in the way of Serj?

This man is a killer?

“Aren’t you curious what I would put on my skin if you somehow get in the way?”

Pakiramdam ko ay nanlaki ang ulo ko sa tanong n’yang ’yon. Sobrang bilis na ng tibok ng puso ko. I could hear my blood flowing. Nanlalamig na rin ang buong katawan ko sa takot.

“W-what are you saying?” hindi ko na naitago ang kaba ko nang itanong iyon.

I gulped when I saw how he eyed me from head to toe. There was something murderous in his eyes. As if he was even excited with the thought. Pinigilan ko ang kagustuhan kong kumaripas na lang ng takbo palabas. I don’t think that will be a good idea.

“Hmm…” He looked like he was in deep thought. “Perhaps… a rose.”

“Rose?”

Killian looked me in the eye again. He was smiling. A smile that tells me he was looking forward to doing it.

“A corrupted rose.”

What the fuck… I don’t like this. Parang gusto ko na lang maiyak sa sobrang kaba. Sa sobrang takot. I knew there was something wrong with this man. Hindi ko lang alam kung bakit ipinagkatiwala ako ni Serj sa taong ’to.

Doesn’t he know the things this guy just said to me? Hindi n’ya ba alam ang mga sinabi ng lalaking ’to na ginagawa n’ya raw?

Killian told me those things to warn me. To threaten me. That if I get in the way, he wouldn’t think twice to kill me and tattooed a corrupted rose on his skin to commemorate his murder of me.

Maya-maya ay narinig ko ang malakas na tawa ni Killian. Napapitlag pa ako. Hindi ko na napigilan ang mapahakbang paatras dahil nagulat ako sa malakas na tawa n’ya. Mukhang mas lalo naman s’yang natawa nang mapansin ang pag-atras ko.

“I was just kidding, madame !” sabi pa n’ya nang bahagyang humupa ang pagtawa n’ya. “Don’t tell me naniwala ka sa mga sinabi ko?”

I blinked. Hindi pa rin nawawala ang takot ko sa kanya. I was cautious around him but I now looked at him, confused.

“W-what? Hindi totoo ang lahat ng ’yon?”

He chuckled. He put his hands inside the pockets of his pants as he tilted his head to the side, looking at me with a suppressed smile on his lips.

“Yes. I always say it as a joke considering my name.” Pinakawalan n’ya ang mga ngiti n’ya. “It never fails as a good laugh!”

I was still looking cautiously at him. Ikinatawa n’ya ulit ’yon.

“I’m sorry if I’ve frightened you, madame . I didn’t know you would also believe such an obvious joke.”

“That was not a good joke!”

He chuckled. Naging pormal na ang ngiti n’ya sa akin ngayon.

“You can relax with me, madame . You are the most important to my boss. Believe me when I say I will never do anything to harm you. If anything, I am also here to protect you.”

He said it with a serious look in his eyes despite the smile on his lips. Nandoon pa rin ang pag-aalinlangan sa akin. I think that was the first time I’ve ever felt so scared in my entire life.

“I apologize again if I’ve frightened you, madame ,” he said. He looked apologetic this time.

Ilang sandali muna akong napatitig sa kanya. Then I heaved a deep sigh. Pinakawalan ko ang kabang naramdaman ko kanina.

“Please, don’t do that again,” I said. Nanginig pa ang boses ko.

Killian nodded politely.

“Go in and take a rest, madame . There’s an intercom inside which is connected to my room. If you need anything, call me.” He handed me the keys to my room.

There is no way I would do that. Si Serj ang tatawagan ko.

But still, as a courtesy, I nodded. I took the keys from him.

“Thank you, Kill,” sabi ko bago binuksan na ang pinto sa wakas.

He gave me another polite smile as I closed the door.

“Welcome to Russia, Natalia.”

I heard him say before I finally closed the door.

Chapter 30

WARNING: R18

–

I looked around the room. Kung sa labas pa lang ay dark na ang exteriors, mas nahalata iyon sa kwartong ’to. I think the room has a midnight blue theme as the walls were painted in that color. As well as the king-size bed na nasa dulong bahagi ay may midnight blue rin na comforter despite the white bedsheet.

The room was so wide. Sa pinto pa lang naman na mataas at malaki na, may ideya na akong ganoon nga itong loob. Mas lalo pang lumuwag ang kwarto sa paningin ko dahil kaunting gamit lang ang nandoon.

Just the bed, the fireplace, and a minimalist painting of a rose petal plastered on the wall just above the bed. A bedside cabinet, vanity, and a full-length mirror. May nakita rin akong isang pinto sa loob na nahuhulaan kong ang banyo.

I saw my luggage with my traveling bag just beside the vanity mirror. Nilapitan ko ’yon at kinuha ang traveling bag. I put it on the bed and took some clothes. I suddenly wanted to take a bath. Nanlalagkit na rin kasi ang pakiramdam ko.

Dahil gabi na ay nagdesisyon na lang ako na pangtulog ko na ang isusuot ko. I took my pink silk nightgown with me as I stepped inside the bathroom. Even the bathroom tiles were mixed of midnight blue and white.

The entire room screamed with coziness. I had the thought that Serj would build his house like this. This room will be a guest room while the master bedroom will have a black theme.

Napatigil ako sa paghuhubad ng damit nang may maisip. What if…?

But that’s impossible, right? Sobrang yaman naman ni Serj kung bahay n’ya pala talaga ’to.

But he has a business though. Hindi ko nga lang alam kung ano. Is it possible that Serj’s business is doing so well that he managed to build a house like this, own a private plane, and buy cars like they were just a piece of candy to him?

Kaya ba sinabi ni Killian kanina na tanungin ko na lang si Serj?

Huh… I’ll definitely ask him pagdating n’ya.

I was drying my hair with a towel when I went out of the bathroom hanggang sa maupo ako sa kama. Kinuha ko ang handbag ko at inilabas ang brush. I took out my phone as well and stared at it for a while, debating what I should do with it.

I haven’t received any messages. I was sure that my father hasn’t told mom yet that I went here to Russia. Kung hindi ay nakailang message na sana ang ipinadala n’ya sa akin. She would’ve also called me a thousand times for not telling her about this and for not asking her permission.

My phone’s quiet but I knew that my social media accounts are not. Hindi ko alam kung ano nang nangyayari sa cheating scandal ni Yakov ngayon. Wala na rin naman akong plano pang alamin. For now, I won’t check my phone as long as I’m in Russia.

I decided to send a chat to my dad to inform him that I’ve arrived safely here. Hindi na rin naman ako umaasang magre-reply s’ya kaya nagdesisyon akong patayin na lang ang phone ko. Para hindi na rin ako matawagan ni mommy kung sakali.

I came here to Russia not only to meet my idol but also to relax. This is for me. To have fun with Serj. I won’t let this trip ruin dahil sa problema at sa issue na naiwan ko sa Pilipinas.

Inayos ko na lang muna ang mga gamit ko. I took out some clothes and put them in the bedside cabinet. Nang matapos ay nahiga na lang ako sa kama at sinubukang matulog na.

I guess it’s already so late. Pero hindi ako dalawin ng antok.

Isang oras pa ang lumipas nang mapabalikwas ako dahil sa pagbukas ng pinto. Serj went in, looking so good but there was a hint of tiredness on his face. Mukhang nagulat din s’ya nang makitang gising pa ako.

“I’m sorry. Did I wake you up?” he asked as he approached me. He sat on the bed beside me and stared at me.

I stared back at him. His black hair was unruly. Ang ilang mga hibla ay nawala sa pagkakaayos but he still managed to look so handsome.

I felt my heart skip a beat the longer I looked at him. This man always managed to come to my aid at the right moment. I just couldn’t believe how perfect he looks and how perfect he is.

“No,” I answered as I shook my head. “Nakatulog na kasi ako sa byahe kanina kaya hindi ako inaantok.”

The side of his lips rose in a lazy smile. He closed our distance and I sighed dreamily the moment our lips touched. The warmth of his lips just felt so good. Hinding-hindi yata ako magsasawa sa pakiramdam na ’yon.

His lips moved. I knew he would do this. Hindi s’ya nakukuntento na maramdaman lang ang mga labi ko. Na magkalapat lang ang mga labi namin. He always wanted to devour my lips. I know as I could feel him with his kiss. His kisses were always intense. Always too much for me.

But I don’t have any plan of stopping him. I realized that every time he kisses me, I would always get lost in the feeling.

I kissed him back and I heard a guttural groan escape from him. I love hearing him making that sound. Para bang pakiramdam ko ay ako na ang pinamagandang babae that I managed to make the perfect and hottest man alive feel good.

I wanted to make him feel good too.

Pinutol n’ya ang halik at halos magreklamo pa ako roon. He chuckled with my reaction. As if it amused him to see me frustrated.

“I have something to give you,” he said.

I watched him fish something out of the back pocket of his pants. He took out some rectangular paper. Napasinghap ako nang mamukhaan ang mga ’yon.

“Tickets for Irina Morozova’s fashion show?” I asked.

Serj let out a soft chuckle as he handed me the tickets. Apat lahat iyon. Two tickets for the fashion show and two tickets for the after-party. Para sa aming dalawa.

I took the tickets from him and held them like they were something so delicate. Bahagya pa ngang nanginig ang mga kamay ko. Kinakabahan pa ’kong baka sa kaunting galaw ko ay mapunit!

I stared at the tickets. I just couldn’t believe I was now holding my idol’s tickets for her fashion show!

The show will be held this weekend at six in the evening. Then, eight in the evening naman ang after-party.

“Wow…” I muttered. Pakiramdam ko pa ay maiiyak na lang ako.

I felt Serj’s hand reach the back of my head. He fisted on my hair, gently. Nilaro ang ilan sa mga hibla.

I looked at him and there was a gentle look in his eyes despite the harsh features of his face. I always admire how he looked contradicting at times. One looked at Serj and everyone would have thought that he was strong. Dominant. An alpha male that didn’t know how to show mercy.

That’s why every time he would give me a gentle look like this, it always amazed me. My heart would always feel so full ’cause I am the only one who let me see this emotion from him.

“Thank you, Serj…” I said with all my heart.

He gave me a smirk.

“Anything for you, love.”

I smiled. He was still playing with my hair. I like the sensation it gave me.

“You took a bath?” he asked. Naramdaman siguro ang lamig sa buhok ko dahil hindi rin naman ako gumamit ng hair dryer.

I nodded. “I felt sticky.”

“Hmm.” Binawi n’ya ang kamay n’ya. “I’ll get myself cleaned up too.”

Tumango ulit ako at sinundan s’ya ng tingin nang tumayo s’ya. He started to unbutton his shirt as he walked towards the bathroom. Nakasunod pa rin ako ng tingin sa kanya hanggang sa isinara n’ya ang pinto.

I took a deep breath and sighed. Why did I suddenly feel nervous? What am I expecting to happen tonight?

Ah, damn it… I feel nervous yet at the same time… Excited. The excitement was too much. Hindi ko alam kung matatakot ba ako or I should look forward to what’s going to happen.

Tinignan ko na lang ulit ang mga tickets na hawak ko para man lang makalma ako. Pero habang nakatitig ako roon ay may naisip ako.

So… Serj got these tickets from Irina? S’ya ba ang pinuntahan n’ya kanina? At this hour?

Napatingin ako sa nakasaradong pinto ng banyo. Parang gusto ko yatang pasukin si Serj sa loob para kumpirmahin kung tama ba ang iniisip ko.

Ang tagal n’yang nawala kanina. He just had to take the tickets from her. Ano pa ang ginawa nila at nagtagal s’ya ng ganoon bago makapunta rito?

Ang kaba at ang excitement na nararamdaman ko lang kanina ay napalitan ng panlulumo. Maybe I was just overthinking things. When we landed earlier, I heard Killian say that it was Serj’s father that called him when he handed him the phone. Pagkatapos ng tawag ay nagpaalam si Serj na may pupuntahan at saglit lang s’ya.

What if… saglit nga lang s’ya nang kitain ang dad n’ya at kay Irina s’ya nagtagal?

Marahas akong napasabunot sa buhok ko. Ah, fuck it! I didn’t want these thoughts! Na-trauma na yata ako sa panloloko ni Yakov kaya ganito na lang akong mag-overthink! Hindi naman ako ganito noon!

This is what happens when someone breaks your trust. You would feel as if anyone around you would do the same to you. You’ll find it hard to trust again. You’ll be too cautious to people. Not wanting anyone to get close to you again.

When the bathroom’s door opened, bumalik ang kaba ko. Especially when Serj’s stepped out with nothing but boxer shorts on. He was drying his hair with a towel. I gulped as I stared at the scene in front of me.

Oh, my God… Bigla yatang uminit ang buong kwarto. He was so fucking hot. Nakita ko na naman ang katawan n’yang ganito noong nasa Siargao kami but I would probably always admire his body. It looked like it was sculpted by the best sculptor in the whole world.

Itinabi n’ya ang towel at naglakad palapit sa akin. Napalunok ulit ako habang hinihintay s’ya. Dumoble ang kaba ko sa dibdib lalo na nang makalapit s’ya sa akin.

“S-Serj…”

He climbed on the bed. Nahigit ko ang paghinga ko and the scent of his bathsoap and shampoo filled my nose. I never knew that a man’s scent would turn me on so much like this. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang lakas ng pintig ng pulso ko habang inaabangan kung anong susunod n’ya gagawin.

But then, he just lay on the bed.

Napamaang ako. Napatitig na lang sa kanyang nakahiga sa tabi ko.

“You’re going to sleep?” I couldn’t hide the disappointment in my voice, what the actual hell?

Am I really looking forward that something would happen between us tonight? What have I become?

Serj looked at me. Tinitigan n’ya lang ako. I silently prayed that he didn’t hear the disappointment in my voice. Pero malakas nga pala ang pakiramdam nitong lalaking ’to.

“Is there something you want to happen tonight, Natalia?”

Hindi ako nakasagot. Bigla akong tinamaan ng hiya. Nahalata n’ya!

What the fuck am I thinking anyway? Parang gusto ko na tuloy lumabas ng kwartong ’to at hindi na magpakita sa kanya kahit kailan!

I looked at Serj. Telling him to stop asking about it with just my eyes. But I forgot that he’s a devil that likes torturing me.

“Is there something you want me to do to you, love?”

When I still didn’t give him an answer, he got up and sat on the bed. His hand reached for my face and cupped my cheek. Lumapit s’ya kasabay ng paghigit n’ya sa akin at napapikit na lang ako nang maramdaman ang mga labi n’ya sa leeg ko.

Marahan akong nagpakawala ng isang buntong-hininga. Napatingala ako at ipinikit na lang ang mga mata. I let myself feel the soft kisses that Serj was planting on my neck. His lips were warm and felt so soft as they made their way up to my ears and planted kisses there as well.

“Tell me what you want, Natalia. Or I won’t give it to you,” he whispered in my ear.

“Serj…” I managed to breathe out his name despite the pleasure he was giving me. Nag-iinit na agad ang pakiramdam ko sa simpleng paghawak at paghalik n’ya lang sa akin.

“Hmm? What is it?” He continued planting kisses on my jaw and ear.

“I want you…” bulong ko.

Napasinghap ako nang marahan n’yang kagatin ang isang parte ng leeg ko. Hindi pa ako nakuntento roon.

“Beg, Natalia,” he said. “If you want me to do something tonight, you have to beg me for it.”

He caressed my lips with his thumb. Kusang napaawang ang mga labi ko nang maramdaman ang magaang paghaplos ng daliri n’ya. But the look in his eyes was the opposite. There was a savage glint in his blue eyes.

“I want to see these fucking lips begging me for it,” he said, almost hissing on every word as he pressed his thumb more on my lips. I know he wanted to do more but he’s just holding back. Ramdam ko ang pagpipigil n’ya sa kamay n’yang nakahawak sa akin.

“Please, Serj,” I said, already feeling out of breath.

“More,” he commanded. “Beg more, Natalia.”

“I want you, please…”

“Still not enough.”

I looked at him. My eyes almost begging to him. This was making me feel frustrated as I really wanted him to give me more. But at the same time, there was excitement hiding deep within. Excitement that I know only Serj could give me in this situation.

“Serj, please.” I could also hear my frustration. “I need you. I want you. Please… Please.”

His lips curled into a satisfied smirk and I almost shiver with the sight. He looked evil. His expression was somewhat monstrous. As if he was a dangerous animal that had been locked up for so long and now, he was given the best meal he ever had.

“I want you to suck my finger, Natalia.” He pressed his thumb on my parted lips more that the tip already touched my teeth.

I shivered. Hindi ko na napigilan ang pagtaasan ng mga balahibo ko sa narinig kong sinabi n’ya. It sounded obscene… Vulgar. My face heated up with his words but my pulse quickened with the thrill.

Slowly, I opened my mouth more until his thumb entered my mouth. He didn’t move and just let me put his finger in my mouth even more until his whole thumb was in my mouth.

Without breaking the eye contact, I started sucking his thumb like what he wanted. Nakatitig lang sa akin si Serj habang ginagawa ko iyon. I didn’t know if I was even doing it right. If I was doing it the way he wanted. Nakatitig ako sa kanya at inaabangan ang magiging expression n’ya, hoping it would give me a clue.

But his expression didn’t change. He just watched me. The look on his face was so strict. I saw fire in his eyes that made it seem like his eyes became a shade darker.

“Use your tongue,” he instructed. Sinunod ko iyon agad.

I swirled my tongue on his thumb. Nakitaan ko ng pagbabago ang mukha n’ya. I saw him clench his jaw. I could also see the lust in his eyes. As if he was thinking of something while watching me suck on his thumb.

“Fuck,” he muttered. “More, Natalia.”

Ang mga kamay ko ay humawak na sa pulsuhan n’ya so I could move better. That seemed to put Serj on the edge as he let out a series of curses in his own language. Hindi ko man maintindihan pero base sa diin at rahas ng pagkakasabi n’ya ay nahulaan kong nagmumura nga s’ya.

I sucked on his finger before my tongue swirled on it. This time, Serj moved his thumb inside my mouth. Sinasabayan n’ya ang galaw ng dila ko, playing with my tongue and a moan escaped from me. He also thrust his finger inside and I was just sucking with his every pull.

I never knew I could do something like this. I’ve never even done this before but my body seemed to know what to do. It felt like it was just right.

Serj looked like he was already at his limit. Pumipigtas ang pagpipigil n’ya dahil nararamdaman ko minsan ang gigil at rahas sa paghawak n’ya sa ’kin. But he was still in control. He was still pulling back. Hindi n’ya itinutuloy.

He withdrew his thumb and pressed it to my lips, stopping me from what I was doing. Mabibigat na ang paghinga ko. I also knew I was already looking at him sensually.

“You’ll have to do everything I’ll say, okay?” he said, cocking an eyebrow at me.

I nodded. Hindi ako makapagsalita sa sobrang init na nararamdaman ko.

“What?” he demanded when I didn’t say anything.

“Yes.”

His jaw clenched. “Yes… Sir.”

Oh, my… fuck. I think I would cry with the pleasure I’m already feeling.

“Yes, Sir,” I repeated and he gave me a smirk.

“Good girl.” His head dipped to capture my mouth for an intense kiss.

Sinalubog ko ang mga labi n’ya. I closed my eyes and just let myself feel his hot mouth on me. His tongue probe me to open my mouth which I did. Ang kaninang daliri n’ya ay napalitan ng dila n’ya ngayon. He inserted his tongue in my mouth and devoured me.

Napaungol ako. Bumaba ang mga labi n’ya sa leeg ko and with every part, I was just giving him more access. My mind was already clouded by the pleasure and my body was answering with his every kiss and every touch.

I felt him pushing me until I felt the soft mattress on my back. He placed himself on top of me as he continued showering kisses on my neck. He was nibbling and sucking my skin that I already knew it would leave a mark. But the hell I care when his kisses felt this good. It was everything.

His hand began caressing my body. Manipis lang ang nightgown na suot ko kaya ramdam na ramdam ko ang init ng palad n’ya. It almost felt like he was touching me directly.

I let out a soft moan when I felt his hand touching the part between my thighs. Hinawi n’ya ang damit ko until it was only my panties that was stopping him to touch me directly. Kusang napabuka ang mga hita ko at nagsimulang maglaro ang kamay n’ya roon.

“Are you ready for me to do everything I want with you?” he whispered in my ear.

I gasped when his fingers circled on my clit. Napaangat ang balakang ko at hinabol pa talaga ang kamay n’ya. I wanted to feel more. This is not enough.

“Serj…” I moaned his name.

“Hmm?”

I felt his warm and wet tongue as he licked my neck. I trembled and I let out a shuddered breath.

“Answer my question, love,” he said. His voice was full of authority.

“Yes, Sir,” I managed to breathe an answer.

Ipinasok na n’ya ang kamay n’ya sa loob ng underwear ko. I almost cried when I  felt his fingers  directly touching my core. I could feel how wet I already was as he began to play on my clit.

“Is this tight little pussy ready for my cock thrusting inside her?”

Oh, damn it. His dirty talk. His dirty talk was enough to make me come.

I felt him slowly thrusting one finger inside me. Parang pinaparamdam na n’ya sa ’kin kung anong gagawin n’ya. He wanted me to imagine that it would be his cock that would be inside me later and not just his finger.

Just that thought alone added pleasure to me. Pakiramdam ko ay maiiyak na talaga ako. The pleasure was so intense I think it was too much for me.

“Your answer, Natalia.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Serj chuckled in my ear.

“You’re being a very good girl, Natalia. I’ll give you what you want… Later.”

He started to thrust his finger in and out. Napapasinghap na lang ako sa bawat galaw n’ya. I could feel his finger inside me. My hips were even moving on their own, meeting his every thrust as if I was desperate for a release.

He used his whole hand to please me. The heel of his palm pressed on my clit, massaging it sideways. I was already moaning so loud that I couldn’t take the sensation and I was relieving it by making loud moans.

“You’re always so wet for me, huh?” Serj whispered.

I couldn’t blame him. Ramdam ko rin naman kung gaano kadulas at kadaling pumapasok sa akin ang daliri n’ya. I could also hear those embarrassing wet sounds with every thrust of his finger which told me that what he said was true.

I was focused on the pleasure I was feeling and I didn’t notice that Serj was staring when I looked at him. Hindi ko alam kung kanina pa ba s’ya nakatitig sa akin. I think he was watching me the whole time. Watching how I was reacting to what he was doing to me.

The look in his eyes just added pleasure to me. He looked as if he wanted to ravage me, the ruthless and hungry look on his face told me so. And I don’t know why it made me feel good. He looked at me like I’m the most beautiful woman he ever laid his eyes on. And that I’m the only one who could relieve his hunger.

My body started to get tense. I could already feel that familiar feeling building inside me. My walls clenched around his finger. Mas sinalubong ko pa ang daliri n’ya sa kagustuhang maabot na ang masarap na pakiramdam na ’yon.

“Serj… I’m going to—”

I couldn’t finish my words as Serj changed his pace. He was moving his fingers slowly now. Napaungol ako sa protesta dahil sa ginawa n’ya.

“Serj…” I wanted him to move his finger faster but I couldn’t make up the words!

“You want to come?” he asked. His blue eyes never left my face.

He moved his fingers fast again. Now, I let out a moan out of pleasure as the feeling went crashing back on me.

“Yes!” I squealed. “Oh, my gosh…”

But when I thought I was going to come, binagalan ulit ni Serj ang galaw ng daliri n’ya.

I groaned in frustration. Nang tignan ko si Serj ay malupit ang mga mata n’yang nakatingin sa akin.

“I told you if you want me to do something, you have to beg for it.”

“Please,” I sounded so desperate but Serj still refused to give it to me. Iginalaw ko ang balakang ko at parang mas hindi n’ya nagustuhan iyon. Halos itigil n’ya na ang ginagawa n’ya that I almost cried.

“Please what?” he said with gritted teeth.

“Make me come,” I sobbed. “Make me come, Sir.”

His smirk looked so cruel.

“Alright.”

After he said that, he began thrusting his finger in and out fast that I didn’t have enough time to brace myself. He was harsh, it was rough, and all I managed to do was to moan so loud as I heard those wet sounds that sounded erotic which was the way of telling me how I was so ready and how I really liked what he was doing to me.

I think I was already screaming but I didn’t care. Pataas nang pataas ang nararamdaman ko and when I finally reached the top, I felt my orgasm exploded that it almost blinded me. My vision blurred and my body trembled so much. Halos mapugto rin ang hininga ko at nang makabawi ako ay agad ang pagkuha ko ng hangin para sa baga ko.

I was panting, trying to catch my breath when Serj cupped my face with his other hand and angled my face so he could take a good look at me. I know I probably had an erotic face on as I was still trying to recover but I looked back at him. I stared back at the man who made me feel bliss but who also look like the handsome devil. He was hotter than hell.

“This face is my fucking obsession,” he hissed before he claimed my lips.

Muli akong napaungol bago s’ya tinugon. My hands caressed his whole body. Ramdam na ramdam ko sa mga kamay ko kung gaano katigas ang katawan n’ya. There’s probably no soft in him as if it wasn’t in his dictionary.

Nang maabot ng kamay ko ang waistband ng boxer shorts n’ya ay pinigilan n’ya ang kamay ko kasabay ng pagtigil din ng halik n’ya sa akin. He looked at me. The look in his eyes matched the way he was holding my wrist. Firm and solid.

“Let me make you feel good too, Serj…”

He just stared at me for a few seconds. His eyes turned cold.

“No,” he said. He sounded so authoritative and dominant that it made me freeze.

Ang kamay n’yang naglalaro lang sa gitna ko kanina ay dinala n’ya sa bibig n’ya. He licked my juice off his finger and all I could do was to watch him feed with so much hunger in his eyes.

He crouched down. I felt him kiss my ears and whisper to me.

“I’m not done with you yet.”

Chapter 31

WARNING: R18

–

Serj captured my lips and I immediately kissed him back. It just felt so normal. Kahit na kakaibang init ang ibinibigay n’ya sa akin, kahit na nandoon ang matinding intensidad sa bawat halik n’ya, it only felt normal to kiss him back. As if I waited for this moment for so long in my life.

Gumalaw s’ya at pumaibabaw sa akin nang hindi pinuputol ang halik. He placed himself in between my legs. I could feel his hard muscles against my skin. He felt so manly, so strong.

May ungol na kumawala sa bibig ko nang maramdaman kong ipinasok n’ya ang isang kamay sa night gown ko at dinama ang isang dibdib ko. He began fondling my breast, played with my nipple using his thumb and forefinger.

Itinigil ni Serj ang paghalik sa akin para panoorin ang reaksyon ko sa ginagawa n’ya. His eyes looked intense. There was also a hint of amusement in it as he watched my face intently.

“You look so good when I touch you,” he whispered.

I have no idea how I look right now or what reaction I’m showing but Serj seemed like he was enjoying watching me. As I stared back at his eyes, the fire in them just grew stronger.

He lifted my dress until my breasts were fully exposed to him. He dipped his head and captured one of my breasts in his mouth. Napabuntong-hininga ako kasabay ng pag-ungol nang maramdaman ko ang mainit n’yang dila sa balat ko.

He flicked my nipple with his tongue and I cried out of pleasure. He licked it in a circular motion as he sucked my breasts. Habang ang isang kamay n’ya ay pinaglalaruan din ang kabilang dibdib ko. Napayakap ako sa kanya at mas ibinaon pa ang ulo n’ya roon.

But Serj seemed like he didn’t like it. Hinuli n’ya ang mga kamay ko gamit lang ang isang kamay n’ya. He placed it above my head as he licked my other breast this time. Taas-baba ang dibdib ko sa malalalim na paghingang kinukuha ko dahil sobrang nag-iinit na naman ng pakiramdaman ko.

“Stay very still for me,” he commanded as he released my wrists and he kissed his way down my body.

I didn’t move like he wanted. Kahit na ramdam na ramdam ko ang kiliti sa bawat paghagod ng dila n’ya sa katawan ko ay hindi ako gumalaw. I just let out the feeling with my whimpers and moans. Hindi ko mapigilang gumawa ng tunog dahil sa mga pinaparamdam n’ya sa akin.

It just felt so fucking good. Why have I only felt something so intense like this now? Bakit ngayon lang pinaramdam sa akin ni Serj ang ganito?

Damn it. I feel like I’m going crazy with his every touch. My body was craving for him. I wanted him to give me more.

He showered kisses on my stomach and my tummy tightened. Nakikiliti ako. He nibbled on my skin and bit it lightly. I whimpered in pain and pleasure.

“Oh, my gosh…”

Mas bumaba pa ang halik n’ya. I began to feel excited. Mas nag-init pa yata ang pakiramdam ko. I know that Serj could feel it as he was caressing my body, my thighs right now. Nararamdaman ko ang pagpisil n’ya sa balat ko na parang nanggigigil pero hindi n’ya hinahayaang kumawala.

He pulled himself up. He removed my panties and stared down at me.

“Spread yourself open so that I can see you,” mariin n’yang utos. Ang panga ay gumalaw pa sa sobrang pagpipigil.

I didn’t know what came into me. Maybe the excitement. Maybe the way Serj said it to mwas e as if I didn’t have a choice but to do what he wanted. Pumayag din naman akong ganoon nga nang sabihin n’ya iyon sa akin kanina.

But I spread my legs open while he was on top of me, kneeling in between. His eyes immediately darted to my core. Hinagod n’ya ng tingin ang buong katawan ko.

His eyes were on fire as he stared at my body. Doon pa lang ay nag-iinit na ako. Like I was burning in hell through his eyes but it didn’t hurt me. Instead, it made me feel good. It made me feel heavenly.

I should feel embarrassed spreading myself in front of him. I was so open, so exposed. This was my first time displaying myself like this for a man. But Serj didn’t even give me anything to make me feel embarrassed with my body. He was looking at me like I am the sexiest woman he ever laid his eyes on.

He made me feel wanted. He made me feel beautiful. He made me feel desirable.

And I was flattered. This gorgeous and hot man was giving me a look like this.

“Fucking beautiful,” he said as he lowered himself.

My body stiffened as I waited for him to do something. Napapikit ako kasabay nang marahang pagsinghap nang maramdaman ko ang mainit n’yang dila doon sa gitna ko. His expert tongue started to lick my folds. He spread his tongue and licked his way upwards at hindi ko na napigilan ang pag-angat ng balakang ko. I moaned as I felt him wet my folds with his sinful tongue.

My God… He was so good with his tongue. Alam na alam n’ya kung paano gamitin iyon. When he was using it to give me a deep kiss, I could already feel the sensation that he wanted me to feel. Doon pa lang ay masarap na sa pakiramdaman. Mas lalo pa nang gamitin n’ya iyon sa katawan ko.

He was so expert I quickly felt the tension building inside me. I didn’t want to come yet but Serj knew what to do and I couldn’t help feeling so good. Paangat nang paangat ang pakiramdam ko, but before I could reach the peak, Serj stopped.

“Serj, please…” I groaned in frustration.

Pero hindi pinansin ni Serj ang pagmamakaawa ko. He licked my inner thighs and I felt goosebumps. Naramdaman ko ang paghigpit ng hawak n’ya sa mga hita ko na parang nahalata n’ya kung anong pinaparamdaman n’ya sa akin.

I bit my lower lip. I felt ticklish. Pigil na pigil akong hawakan ang ulo n’ya dahil alam kong hindi n’ya magugustuhan iyon. Baka mas lalong hindi n’ya pa ibigay sa akin ang hinahangad ko.

He bit the skin on my inner thigh, hard enough that I knew it would definitely leave a mark. I cried out in pain pero maya-maya ay nagustuhan ko na rin ang pakiramdaman na ’yon. I never knew I would like the feeling of being in pain.

He pulled his body up and positioned himself on top of me again. He kissed my neck as he removed my dress. I was now fully naked in front of him.

“You’ll only get to come when I want to,” he said before he gave my lips an intense kiss.

I automatically kissed him back. Napahawak ako sa mga braso n’yang nakatukod sa magkabilang gilid ko when he pushed his hip. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. I felt how turned on he was despite the boxer shorts he was still wearing.

Oh, my God. He felt… huge. He was really hard.

He humped his hips again and my moan died in his mouth. Damn it. It felt so fucking good. Parang gusto ko nang hubarin ang shorts n’ya para mas madama ang matigas na bagay na ’yon sa balat ko.

Lumakas ang ungol ko nang pakawalan n’ya ang mga labi ko kasabay ng muli n’yang paggalaw. He ravished my neck, nibbling my skin. I didn’t even care if it would leave a mark tomorrow and I would have a hard time hiding it. All I care about is how good I was feeling right now.

I was moaning with his every hump. I just couldn’t help but feel good. His lenght was hitting directly on my core. Nagbibigay iyon ng pakiramdam na halos magpabaliw sa akin.

He started moving fast and my voice vibrated with his every push. Lumalakas ang ungol ko habang papalapit na ako nang papalapit sa gusto kong maabot. And when I thought I could finally reach it this time, Serj moves became slow and it almost made me cry.

“Don’t stop, please…” pagmamakaawa ko na.

Pero hindi pa rin naawa si Serj. He continued moving slowly, that made me feel frustrated. Iginalaw ko ang balakang ko but Serj held it in place firmly. Halatang hindi n’ya nagustuhan dahil ramdam ko ang diin at gigil sa paghawak n’ya sa balakang ko na halos bumaon na ang mga daliri n’ya roon.

“Do you want my cock?” he asked. His voice sounded angry as he gritted his teeth.

I gasped when he made one hard grind against my core.

“Yes…” I breathe.

“Wrong answer.” He grinds on me again. Parang gusto ko na talagang maiyak dahil hindi hinahayaan ni Serj na maabot ko ang gusto kong maramdaman.

“Yes, Sir…” I moaned.

“Tell me how badly you want my cock, Natalia.”

He was teasing me, leaving me wanting for more. Gusto kong magtuloy-tuloy ang masarap na pakiramdam na ’yon pero mahigpit ang pagkakahawak ni Serj sa balakang ko.

“I need it.” I sobbed. “I want it, Serj, please…”

He kissed my begging lips.

“What do you want me to do?” he asked against my lips.

“Put it in. Give it to me.”

I was already blinded by pleasure. I was giving him the answer I knew he wanted to hear. Mababaliw na talaga ako kapag hindi pa natuloy ’to.

Serj chuckled.

“My girl is being greedy, huh? She must’ve wanted my cock so much.”

I nodded.

“So much, sir. So much.”

He rewarded me with a sexy chuckle again.

“Then I’ll give it to you.”

Halos magreklamo ako nang lumayo s’ya sa akin pero napatigil din nang mapagtanto kung anong gagawin n’ya. He reached for the waistband of his boxer short and with one swift move, he managed to remove it from his body.

Napasinghap ako nang makita ang kabuuan n’ya. My eyes stared at his body. Tumigil iyon sa gitna n’ya. My lips parted when I saw how huge and how long he was. It looked so hard, proof that I wasn’t the only one feeling so good with what he was doing with my body. It looked like he was enjoying it as well.

My God… He has such a perfect body. He looked so beautiful standing naked in front of me like this. Now I know why he enjoyed looking at my nakedness too earlier.

He looked so manly. I even think he has no soft parts in his body. Even that part in between his legs looked so hard. It was erected. His muscles looked hard and strong. Parang kayang-kaya n’ya akong durugin.

The urge to lick his body was so strong. I wanna taste him. Hindi ko mapaniwalaan na magkakaroon ako ng ganitong pag-iisip sa buong buhay ko.

Pero base sa mga naglalabasang ugat sa mga braso at katawan n’ya, he looked like he wanted to have this way tonight. And I will let him. I will be submissive to him.

Serj spread my legs again and placed himself in between. Gumalaw ang panga n’ya sa matinding pagpipigil.

“I’m going to make you mine,” he said as his length slowly entered me.

Agad ang pagsinghap ko nang maramdaman ko ang hapdi. He was so big. I even think that only half an inch was in but I could already feel the pain. My insides were stretching so much as I took him in.

My lips parted as I gasped when he entered another inch. Namuo ang luha sa mga mata ko at napatigil ako sa paghinga.

“Oh, my God—”

“Fuck, Natalia!” he groaned.

He held my waist firmly when I tried to move. I didn’t want this slow pain. I wanted to get over this fast.

But Serj wanted to take it slow. Kitang-kita ko ang pagpipigil n’ya mula sa mga ugat na naglalabasan sa mga braso n’ya. He was clenching his jaw so hard. Kunot na kunot din ang noo n’ya that it actually made him look mad. I knew he wanted to move fast pero dahil sa nakikitang nasasaktan ako ay dinadahan-dahan n’ya ang pagpasok n’ya.

“Serj—”

“Shh… Shh… Just relax and take my cock in.”

His eyes had so much fire in it. Mahigpit na mahigpit na rin ang pagkakakapit n’ya sa bewang ko at ang mga daliri n’ya ay bumabaon na sa balat ko. It hurt and I knew it would bruise but it’s nothing compared to the pain as Serj slowly entered me. The pain and pleasure were too much that I couldn’t think of anything.

Pareho kaming napabuntong-hininga ni Serj nang sa wakas ay maisagad na n’ya ang kahabaan n’ya. My insides stretched so much with him inside me. I felt so full. It was perfect. Pakiramdam ko ay napunan na ang anumang pagkukulang na nararamdaman ko.

Serj didn’t move for a while. He let me adjust from him. Nang may ilang sandali ang lumipas ay napalitan ng kakaibang pakiramdaman ang sakit na naramdaman ko kanina lang. I started to move and Serj took it as a sign. He kissed my shoulder as he began thrusting himself inside me.

He held my waist firmly to prevent me from moving dahil sinasalubong ko ang bawat pag-ulos n’ya. I couldn’t help it. It was so good at sunod-sunod na nga ang pag-ungol ko. Tuluyan ko nang nakalimutan ang sakit.

“Goddamit, Natalia.” Serj was gritting his teeth and it came out as a hiss as he continued with his push and pull. “It feels so fucking good to be finally inside you.”

I wanted to say something. I wanted to let him know that I felt really good too with him inside me. I was in pure bliss.

Dinig ko ang sunod-sunod na pagmumura ni Serj. He even cursed in his own language.

“I waited for this to happen for so long.” He was panting. “Fuck, I won’t be able to control myself.”

“Then don’t, Serj…” paungol kong sagot.

“I wanna fucking ruin you,” he said with a tone so savage. Halos panginigan ako ng laman doon sa magkahalong excitement at takot.

“Then ruin me, sir. Wreck me.”

Serj looked at me. He looked like a predator looking down at his prey. Like a feral animal that finally escaped imprisonment and now he could do anything to relieve his hunger. And I was his chosen prey.

Mahigpit n’yang hinawakan ang mga hita ko. He moved again and Serj stared at me intently to watch my reaction. I moaned. Parang may naputol na pagpipigil sa kanya dahil sa naging reaksyon ko at sunod-sunod na nagpakawala ng mga malulutong na mura.

He lifted my legs and placed them on his shoulders. He then held my waist so tight and he thrust his hips hard this time. Sinasagad n’ya ang bawat pag-ulos.

I couldn’t even let out a moan with this new fire and force he was giving me. Pagsinghap na lang ang nagagawa ko. It was too much. He was so harsh. He was moving with so much force.

My hands gripped the comforter. Mahigpit na mahigpit ang pagkakahawak ko doon na parang magbibigay iyon sa akin ng kinakailangan kong suporta dahil sa rahas ng paggalaw ni Serj.

The pleasure was blinding me. I felt so good despite how Serj was moving harshly. There was no gentleness in him but I didn’t care. I like it. I like him this way. Pakiramdam ko rin ay hindi ako masisiyahan kung hindi s’ya magiging marahas. It would feel like it wasn’t even him and I only want him anyway.

I felt it soon. I was near. Mabilis ang naging pamumuo ng tensyon sa t’yan ko dahil sa rahas at bilis ng galaw ni Serj. He was giving it to me fully with his every thrust inside. Walang itinitira.

I was moaning, screaming now. The tension in me builds up faster.

Niyakap ni Serj ang mga hita ko at mas binilisan pa ang galaw n’ya. But before I could reach my orgasm, he stopped moving.

“Serj!” Hindi ko napigilan ang pagsigaw at makaramdam ng inis dahil sa frustration.

“Turn around,” he ordered instead.

“What?”

“Lie on your fucking stomach, Natalia.”

He looked livid. His jaw was clenching. His eyes were so intense and they looked like they were scorching and I didn’t know if I should feel scared. Pero alam kong nagpipigil lang s’ya. Mas dumoble kasi ang mga ugat na nagpapakita sa mga braso n’ya. They looked angry as well as Serj held himself back.

Mabilis ko s’yang sinunod. Alam ko kasing hindi maganda ang mangyayari kapag sinuway ko pa s’ya. Tumalikod ako at dumapa sa kama.

“Lift your hips,” utos n’yang mabilis ko rin agad sinunod. “Arch your back.”

I did.

Serj positioned himself behind me. His hands were gripping my hips as he lifted them to his desired height. I felt him enter me from behind in one full thrust.

I gasped. Mahigpit akong napakapit sa mga unan at binaon ang mukha ko roon nang marahas ulit na gumalaw si Serj. I moaned and it was muffled by the pillow.

I yelped in pain when Serj yanked my hair. Inangat n’ya ang mukha ko mula sa unan. He moved down until his mouth reached my ear and whispered.

“I wanna hear you moan as I fuck you, Natalia. I want to know how you feel with my cock fucking your tight pussy.”

Is he even serious? He should already know that. He should already know that it feels so good. I couldn’t even find the right words to describe the feeling. Kulang na kulang ang mga salita. Pakiramdam ko pa nga ay mababaliw na ako sa ginagawa n’ya. I even felt crying with so much sensation, with so much pleasure.

I could feel the tension again. At feeling ko, maiiyak na talaga ako kapag hindi pa ako pinagbigyan ni Serj ngayon.

“Serj… Serj, please. Let me come.” I sobbed.

“What?”

Mas hinigpitan n’ya ang pagkakahawak sa buhok ko. My scalp stings when he pulled me up with my hair. Lumapat ang likod ko sa dibdib n’ya. His hand reached for my neck and pressed the sides.

“Let me come,” I whispered. “I want to come. Please, Sir.”

Ramdam ko ba mas humigpit ang hawak n’ya sa leeg ko. He pressed the side harder. My lips parted. I felt lightheaded. Habang pataas nang pataas ang pakiramdam ko, mas nararamdaman ko ang paglutang na ’yon.

“You want to come?” he asked. I could hear the sound as he gritted his teeth.

I nodded. “Yes. Yes, sir.”

“Then come, Natalia.”

With that, he moved fast as my orgasm exploded. Pakiramdam ko ay tumigil yata ang paghinga ko. No. It was my whole world that stopped. My body convulsed. It was excessive. It was blinding. It was deafening. My orgasm was so intense I felt like I would pass out.

Nanghina ang katawan ko pagkatapos ng masarap na pakiramdam na ’yon. Serj caught my body before I could fall on the bed.

“Not yet, love. Not yet.”

Oh, God…

He laid me down with my back lying on the mattress. He positioned himself between my legs. He entered me without any warning and with so much force it already blinded me. Kahit na nanghihina ay napaungol pa rin ako. It was really easy for Serj to wake up that emotion and feeling I didn’t even know I had in me.

When he moved again, the sensation came crashing back. Mas naging marahas ang galaw ni Serj na alam kong parang binugbog ang magiging pakiramdam ko pagkatapos nito. But who cares? I’ve got to feel this great feeling because of him anyway.

Sagad na sagad na ngayon ang bawat pag-ulos n’ya. His balls were slamming on my skin. Para s’yang may hinahabol sa bilis at rahas ng paggalaw n’ya. Mas humigpit na rin ang kapit n’ya sa bewang ko habang patuloy na umuulos. He was groaning and I felt that feeling inside me again.

“Fuck, Natalia,” he breathes. Ibinaon n’ya ang mukha sa leeg ko. “Love…”

He was thrusting his hips hard and fast. A few more thrust from him and my body convulsed again as I reached my orgasm. My insides clenched around his cock. Mahaba akong napaungol habang hindi pa rin s’ya tumitigil sa ginagawa n’ya sa ibabaw ko.

As I was still blinded by my orgasm, I felt Serj bit my shoulder. It was hard that I knew he intended to leave a bite mark on my skin. I cried with both pleasure and pain.

“Fuck!”

Serj pulled out and shot his warm loads at my stomach. He grunted as he emptied himself. His body collapsed on top of me. Pareho kaming naghahabol ng hininga pagkatapos.

“That was everything,” hinihingal kong sabi nang makabawi pagkatapos ng ilang sandali. I felt Serj’s body shake as he laughed with no sound.

He pulled himself up. Tumayo s’ya at pinanood ko lang s’yang maglakad. He looked like a Greek god walking around the room.

Damn it… He was so attractive. So handsome. So sexy. So hot.

Pagbalik n’ya ay may dala na s’yang rolled tissue. He wiped his loads on my tummy and cleaned me up. Tahimik lang akong nakatingin sa kanya sa buong panahong ginagawa n’ya iyon.

I love how serious he looked as he cleaned me up.

He lay down beside me. Itinabing n’ya sa mga hubad naming katawan ang comforter. He kissed me on my forehead and the gesture almost made me cry. After the hard sex, he was being gentle now.

“Serj…” My voice cracked.

“Shh… Let me take care of you.”

Hindi na ako nagsalita. He made me use his arm as a pillow while the other snaked around my waist and pulled my body close to him. I snuggled closer and buried my face in his chest.

“Rest well, Natalia,” he said and I felt him kiss my hair.

Dahil sa pagod ay mabilis akong dinapuan ng antok. Idagdag pa ang masuyong paghaplos ni Serj sa buhok ko. I closed my eyes but before I drifted to sleep, Serj whispered in my ear.

“I love you so fucking much, Natalia. So much it was driving me fucking insane.”

I felt him kiss my hair again after at mas hinigpitan n’ya ang yakap sa ’kin. I slept with a smile on my lips.

Chapter 32

I can’t move. That’s the first thing I realized before I even opened my eyes. I can’t move at all. Hindi dahil sa mga brasong nakayakap sa akin. Hindi rin dahil sa binting nakadantay sa katawan ko. But I just can’t really move my body at all. My whole being felt sore.

Dahan-dahan akong kumawala sa pagkakayakap ng lalaking katabi ko. I knew that Serj’s already awake. Inalis n’ya kasi ang pagkakadantay ng binti n’ya sa akin at hinayaan akong makawala sa kanya.

I laid on my back but I groaned as I did so. My God… Ang sakit talaga ng buong katawan ko. Pagod na pagod pa ang pakiramdam ko kahit sobrang himbing naman ng tulog ko kagabi. Feeling ko rin ay binugbog ako. My muscles felt really sore!

What the hell… I shouldn’t even have been surprised as Serj was so rough last night. He didn’t hold back. He did ruin me at ngayon ko talagang nararamdaman ang epekto ng ginawa n’ya!

Especially in between my thighs. Ramdam ko ang hapdi roon.

But still, last night was… wonderful. It was everything. I was thankful to Serj ’cause he let me feel those feelings, those emotions. I regret nothing. If anything, I want to experience it again.

But not now. Not so soon. Ang sakit-sakit lang talaga ng katawan ko ngayon.

“Are you okay?”

Huh… That bedroom voice.

I turned my head to the side to look at Serj who was still lying on the bed besdie me. Ang braso n’yang ginagawa kong unan ay nakaderetso dahil sa pagbibigay n’ya ng space sa aming dalawa.

I stared at him. God… His eyes looked beautiful, especially in the morning. Halatang-halata ang pagiging asul noon dahil sa liwanang. It looked brighter as he stared back at me. It even seemed like they were shining.

His hair was messy. Ang ilang hibla ay nasa noo na n’ya. Pinigilan ko ang sarili kong hawiin iyon. No matter how he looked, even in the morning, he’s still handsome anyway. I want to stay longer in his morning face.

I wanna wake up every morning kung ganitong mukha ang unang mabubungaran ko.

“Masakit ang katawan ko,” reklamo ko sa kanya. My voice was croaky. Hindi ko na rin naitago roon ang nararamdaman ko pang pagod.

Serj reached for me. Hinawi n’ya ang ilang hibla ng buhok kong nasa mukha ko. His face was void of any emotion. He looked strict but his eyes told me otherwise. They looked gentle as his hand softly caressed my cheek.

Napapikit ako sa gaan ng paghaplos n’ya sa pisngi ko. It was so different from last night when he was so rough. There was a part of me that couldn’t believe he was able to give a soft touch like this when he was so harsh and rough last night.

“Just rest, Natalia…” he said.

I think normally, in a situation like this, the man would ask if they were too rough and would even apologize. But Serj didn’t. He knew he was rough and he’s not sorry for it. He wanted it. I wanted it. Hindi ko rin naman tatanggapin kung sakali mang mag-sorry s’ya. Baka mainis pa nga ako.

Dumilat ako at agad na tumingin sa kanya. I frowned when I noticed that he wasn’t looking in my eyes. Instead, he was looking at some part of my neck. Mas napakunot pa ang noo ko nang mahalata ang pagkaaliw sa mga mata n’ya habang nakatitig pa rin sa parteng iyon ng leeg ko.

“What is it?” I asked.

“My marks. My bite mark,” he said, still looking at that part of my neck. Bumaba ang haplos n’ya sa bandang balikat ko. Doon sa naalala kong parteng kinagat n’ya kahapon. “It looks so fucking good on your skin.”

I shouldn’t but I couldn’t stop myself from blushing. Pagkatapos ng nangyari sa amin kagabi ay ngayon pa talaga ako nakaramdam ng hiya.

Huh… Memories of what happened came crashing back. I could still feel Serj’s strong and hard body as he moved above me, as he moved behind me. The feeling of his muscles flexing against my skin with his hard and rough thrust. The feeling of his warmth as if his body were on fire.

The feeling of his sinful tongue exploring every part of my skin. His little moans, his groans. The way he cursed when he was holding himself back but always failing. The way his fingers dug onto my skin. The feeling of him inside me.

Mas lalo lang akong pinamulahan ng mukha nang maalala ang mga ’yon. And Serj noticed me blushing. He chuckled and pulled my body closer to him.

“If I didn’t hold myself back, you’ll get more than that.”

Hindi makapaniwalang tiningala ko s’ya.

“You mean nagpigil ka pa sa lagay na ’yon?”

He bit his lower lip, hiding his smirk but failed miserably anyway. His eyes twinkled in amusement.

“I had to, love. It was your first time. Ayokong matakot ka.”

That was sweet. I know he was being sweet. I didn’t know that he was being considerate with me last night. But I couldn’t help being pissed with what he said! Pakiramdam ko tuloy ay hindi s’ya nasiyahan sa nangyari sa amin kagabi.

“You shouldn’t have to,” I said. “I don’t want you holding yourself back.”

Naging mabigat ang titig na ibinigay n’ya sa akin. There was still a smirk on his lips but it was frightening that I felt scared. He looked like he was planning on doing something terrible to me. Like he was already planning for my downfall.

“Hmm… You even told me to ruin you last night.”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa sinabi n’ya. Hinampas ko ang dibdib n’yang ikinatawa n’ya naman.

“Serj!”

He pulled my body closer to him again. He held the back of my head and buried my face in his chest.

“Then, next time, Natalia. I’ll make sure I’ll have my way on you next time.”

Hindi ako nagsalita. I didn’t know what to say anyway. What he said made my face flush even more. Hindi ko na inalis ang pagkakabaon ng mukha ko sa dibdib n’ya.

Huh… So, there will be a next time. I think that if my body wasn’t aching right now, baka nangyari na ’yong next time na ’yon.

But Serj, despite him being dominant and always wanted to have his way, is being considerate to me again. Hindi ko rin naman yata kakayanin na kung mangyari ulit ’yon.

My body was just aching all over!

Ilang sandali kaming tahimik lang ni Serj. He was caressing my hair, kissing my head from time to time. Nararamdaman ko rin na humihigpit ang yakap n’ya sa akin minsan. Parang ayaw na talagang malayo sa katawan ko.

We were still naked under the comforter. I could feel his warmth against my skin. It felt comfortable. I feel at ease. Minsan lang ako magkaroon ng ganitong umaga na sobrang payapa ng dibdib ko. And Serj was the reason behind it.

I tried to move away after a while and Serj let me. Sinubukan kong bumangon para gumamit ng banyo. I wanted to take a bath too. Pero hindi pa man ako tuluyang nakakaupo sa kama ay napabalik agad ako sa pagkakahiga nang maramdaman ang hapdi sa gitna ng mga hita ko.

“Oh, shit…” I groaned in pain. Bahagyang napabangon si Serj para i-check ako.

“What happened?” he asked. Worry was in his eyes.

“My whole body hurts,” I sobbed. I glared at Serj when I heard his soft chuckle. He caressed my face. Napasimangot na lang ako sa kanya.

“Where are you going anyway?” he asked.

“I wanna take a bath.”

“I’ll take you to the bathroom,” he said and helped me up. I was groaning with only a small movement of my body.

Nang makaupo ako sa kama ay bumangon na rin s’ya. He put his arm behind my knees while the other supported my back before he lifted me up. Kumapit ako sa mga balikat n’ya nang maglakad s’ya papunta sa banyo. I wiggled when I realized he wanted to take me in there too.

“Dito na lang,” sabi ko nang nasa pinto na kami ng banyo pero hindi n’ya naman ako ibinababa.

“You sure?” The look in his eyes told me that he didn’t want to put me down.

I nodded. “Kaya ko namang maligong mag-isa.”

He was against it. It was so clear in his eyes. Para pa ngang gusto n’yang s’ya na ang magpaligo sa akin. Which was sweet but I doubt kung iyon lang talaga ang mangyari. Hindi ko kasi alam kung sino ang hindi makakapagpigil sa aming dalawa. Kung ako ba o s’ya.

I mean, just his warmth against my skin was already making me feel something.

“Sige na, Serj,” I said. “Ibaba mo na ’ko.”

He sighed. Napipilitang ibinaba n’ya ako. I was thankful he didn’t insist on what he wanted. Mabilis akong pumasok sa banyo dahil nahihiya akong makita ang hubad n’yang katawan kahit gustong-gusto ko rin namang titigan iyon.

His body is perfect. Lahat naman yata ay gugustuhing mapatitig doon.

I sighed. Napapangiwi ako habang naglalakad palapit sa bathroom mirror. I leaned my hands on the sink to support my weight. I gasped when I saw my reflection in the mirror.

What the hell… I didn’t know that Serj had left so many marks on my body! Ang natatandaan ko lang ay ang bite mark n’ya sa balikat ko at hindi na ako nagulat nang makita iyon. Sa diin pa lang naman ng pagkakakagat n’ya sa akin, alam ko nang magmamarka iyon.

The things I wasn’t expecting were the hickeys and the bruises on my body. Mayroon ng mga iyon sa leeg ko. I even saw bruises on my waist that made me remember how Serj was gripping my waist last night for support while he thrust his hips.

I looked down at my body and saw bruises on my hips too. I checked my inner thigh when I remembered he bit it too last night. And I saw it. There was a bite mark on my inner thigh as well.

My God… These were the proof how rough Serj was yeterday! Mukha akong binugbog! Kaya pala masakit ang buong katawan ko!

And what did he say? He held himself back? Sa lagay na ’to ay nagpigil pa talaga s’ya?

I chuckled and brushed my hair upwards as I looked at myself in the mirror again. Binasa ko ang mga labi ko. Despite the bruises and the hickeys, I looked like a happy and satisfied woman. I couldn’t even recognize myself while I stared back at my reflection. The woman in the mirror looked happy.

I was happy when I opened my shop but not too happy as my mom didn’t fail to make me feel it was a bad move from me. But this, the woman in the mirror looked pleased and contented in her life.

Kahit na masakit ang katawan ko ay nakangiti ako sa buong panahong naliligo ako. Hirap man sa pagkilos ay hindi naman mabura ang ngiti ko. Kahit nang matapos ako at lumabas ng banyo ay maaliwalas ang pakiramdam ko.

I went out of the bathroom with only a bathrobe on. Nakita ko si Serj na nakaupo sa dulo ng kama. He was already wearing his boxer shorts. May kausap s’ya sa phone at nang makita ako ay mabilis yatang nagpaalam sa kausap. I know even if I couldn’t understand the language as he ended the call before I could even go near him.

“Is it about work again?” tanong ko habang naglalakad palapit sa kanya.

Serj nodded. Inabot n’ya ang kamay ko at tumigil ako sa harap n’ya.

“Parang mas naging busy ka yata nang makarating tayo rito sa Russia. As soon as the plane landed, you got a call about your work too,” I said.

“Are you worried about me?” he asked.

“I’m just curious,” deny ko pa.

He pulled my hand and made me sit on his lap. Sinunod ko ang gusto n’ya at patagilid akong umupo sa mga hita n’ya. He immediately buried his face in my neck and inhaled my scent. He groaned before I felt his warm lips on my skin.

“About what?” he asked. Ipinulupot ang mga braso sa bewang ko para hapitin ang katawan ko palapit sa kanya at mas ibinaon ang mukha sa leeg ko. “You smell so fucking good.”

Napapikit ako nang halik-halikan n’ya ang leeg ko. Ang isang braso ko ay pumulupot sa balikat n’ya. I caressed his skin, feeling his hard muscles on my fingertips. Hindi ko na napigilan ang mapaungol nang maramdaman ang mainit n’yang dila sa leeg ko.

Huh… I knew he asked me something. Pero hindi ko na maalala dahil hinawakan n’ya na naman ako. Hinalikan na naman n’ya ang balat ko. Palagi na lang akong nawawala sa sarili ko kapag nararamdaman ko ang mapahangas n’yang dila sa balat ko.

“What was that?” I asked, telling him to repeat his question as I’d completely forgotten about it.

I felt him smirk against my skin. Alam n’yang nawala ako sa sarili ko at nakalimutan ang tanong n’ya dahil sa mga halik n’ya. Imbes na itigil ay mas hinalikan n’ya pa ang leeg ko pababa sa balikat ko. His one hand started to explore my body too.

Ipinasok n’ya ang isang kamay sa loob ng bathrobe ko. Dahil wala akong suot sa loob na kahit ano ay deretso n’yang nahawakan ang isang dibdib ko. He massaged my breast as he continued kissing my neck, now going up my jaw.

“Serj…” I moaned his name.

He nibbled my skin and that made me gasp.

“What are you curious about?” he asked.

“Hmm…” I let out another moan when he started to play with my nipple. “About…”

“Yeah?”

“Your work.”

Pansin ko ang agad na pagkakatigil n’ya. I felt him stiffen. Nawala ang anumang nararamdaman ko at nagtatakang napatingin sa kanya. He was also looking at me with a blank expression on his face.

“Serj?”

What happened? Hindi ko ba dapat tinanong ’yon? Dahil ba sa tanong ko kaya s’ya nagkaganito?

He sighed. Tinanggal n’ya ang kamay n’yang nasa loob ng robe ko at inayos iyon dahil bahagyang nagbukas iyon.

“We deal with many things,” he said as he secured the tie of my robe. Hindi s’ya nakatingin sa akin. “People… and others.”

I frowned. Hindi nakuha ang sagot n’ya dahil hindi deretso iyon.

“Like an agency?” I asked.

Ilang sandaling tumitig sa akin si Serj bago isang beses na tumango.

“Something like that.”

“Oh… I get it. Kaya pala parang laging busy ka lagi.”

He just nodded and didn’t say anything. He looked serious but there was something mysterious in his blue eyes. Hindi ko naman masabi kung ano iyon.

Huh… Right. Hindi nga pala ganoong karami ang nalalaman ko tungkol sa kanya. The only time he opened himself up to me was when he told me about what Tita Tessa did to him and his father.

Maybe… I’ll get to know him more now that we’re in Russia. His hometown. Gusto ko s’yang mas makilala s’ya.

“We should eat breakfast,” he said. Pinatayo n’ya ako para tumayo na rin s’ya. “Let me just take a bath.”

Tumango ako. Hinalikan n’ya ang tuktok ng ulo ko bago naglakad papunta sa banyo. Sinundan ko lang s’ya ng tingin.

I like him. I like Serj. I want to know everything about him.

Bumaba kami ni Serj nang pareho na kaming nakaayos. I didn’t see anyone when we went down which would be really odd if this was a hotel. The place was so big and wide at sa labas ay mukhang palasyo talaga kaya ang una kong naisip ay hotel ’to.

But when we got to the dining area and saw the food on the table, nagduda na ako. Kahit maraming pagkain ang nakahanda, wala akong nakitang ni isang housemaid man lang. Mukhang iniiwasang makasalubong kami at sinasadyang hindi magpakita.

Serj pulled the chair for me. Nang umupo s’ya sa may pinapuno ng table ay hindi ko na napigilang magtanong.

“This is your house, isn’t it?” There was even a candelabrum on the table giving me the vibes that this is really a castle.

“Yes,” deretsong sagot ni Serj. “One of many.”

Huh…

Okay. I know he didn’t mean anything by that. He didn’t even sound like he was bragging. He was just stating a fact. Pero hindi ko pa rin mapigilan ang magulat doon.

So, he has many houses. Ganito rin bang kalaki iyon? Ilan ang lahat ng mga bahay n’ya? Ilang lahat ang mga sasakyan n’ya? Gaano s’ya kayaman?

“That’s why Kill looked like he wanted to laugh when I told him this is a hotel,” wala sa sarili kong sabi.

“You thought this was a hotel?” tanong ni Serj, nagpipigil ng ngiti.

“Can you blame me? This looks like a castle! Mga hotel lang ang alam kong may ganitong exterior.”

He chuckled.

“That’s why I let you stay here, Natalia… A woman like you deserve her own castle.”

I bit my lower lip to stop myself from smiling widely. Nahalata naman ni Serj dahil narinig ko ang mahinang pagtawa n’ya.

He’s really a man. He knew how he could make a woman happy. Tama noon ang nahalata ko noong una ko s’yang makita. He is a matured man. Mas nahalata ko rin iyon kapag magkasama sila ni Yakov. Ibang-iba kasi silang magkapatid.

“Do you have anything to wear to Irina’s fashion show? I can ask someone to make you a dress.”

Mabilis akong umiling sa sinabi n’ya.

“I brought my own dress. It is something I design myself.”

He smirked at me.

“Right. You can make your own dress,” he said. “I bet it’s beautiful.”

Napalabi ako.

“Hindi mo pa naman nakikita.”

“I trust you, Natalia. You have a talent. And I know you’re really good at it.”

Hindi ko na napigilan ang mapangiti. Huh… He always knew the perfect words to say.

“Of course. ’Tsaka fashion show ’to ng idol ko. I have to look good.”

“That’ll be easy for you. You’re already beautiful.”

Namula yata ang buong mukha ko. Hindi na talaga ako masasanay na masabihan n’ya ng ganoon. I mean, he’s handsome! The perfect man every girl would want! Tapos sasabihan n’ya akong maganda? Sino ba naman ang hindi kikiligin doon?

“Thank you, Serj,” nakangiti kong sabi sa kanya.

“But you look the best when I’m fucking you.”

I groaned loudly. He just has to say that, huh?

“Really, Natalia. That’s why I had a hard time holding myself back last night. You just looked so fucking good moaning my name.”

“Serj!” saway ko na sa kanya dahil sigurado akong pulang-pula na ang mukha ko!

He just smirked at me. Mukha pa s’yang natutuwa na namumula ako ngayon dahil sa sinabi n’ya. Like my reaction amused him so much.

This man… He’s really too much for me. And for my heart.

Nang matapos kaming mag-almusal ay sinabihan ako ni Serj na magpahinga na lang. Mukhang naawa yata sa pagngiwi ko sa tuwing gumagalaw ako. Masakit pa rin talaga ang buong katawan ko at kailangan ko nga yata talaga ng buong araw para maka-recover ang katawan ko.

We had our lunch together. After we ate, nagpaalam s’yang may kailangang asikasuhin sa trabaho n’ya. Kaya nang maiwan ako sa kwarto ay ginawa ko ang sinabi n’ya at nagpahinga.

It was already nighttime when I woke. Serj wasn’t in the room so I decided to look for him. Medyo nawala na ang sakit ng katawan ko pero nandoon pa rin ang hapdi sa gitna ng mga hita ko. But I managed to walk anyway.

Pagbaba ko ay wala s’ya sa dining area. Mas lalo kong na-realize kung gaano kalawak ang bahay ngayong hinahanap ko si Serj. I looked for him in the living room which looked like it was taken out of a Victorian movie. I frowned when I couldn’t find him there too.

I decided to go upstairs again and knocked on every door. Wala akong nakuhang sagot kaya muli akong bumaba, hoping I would get to see even one of the housemaids but there’s no one in the house! Pakiramdam ko pa ay ako na lang mag-isa talaga sa loob ng palasyong ’to dahil sobrang tahimik!

Serj left me alone here?

I went out. May ilaw na ang fountain at nagpalipas ako ng ilang sandali para panoorin iyon. It looked magical. The whole place looked so magical. I couldn’t believe Serj owned a house like this.

Kung hindi lang dark ang theme ng kulay ng bahay, iisipin ko na talagang kinuha sa princess movie ang theme nitong lugar.

Bumalik ako sa loob at aakyat na sana ng hagdan para bumalik sa kwarto at doon na lang hintayin si Serj nang may mapansin ako. There was a door in the middle of the two staircases. Hindi ko iyon napansin noong una dahil mas napansin ko pa ang grand piano at ang design ng buong bahay.

Lumapit ako sa pinto. I opened it and frowned when I discovered another hallway. Parang katulad sa taas pero ito ay tagong hallway na. Kinailangan ng ilaw dahil magiging madilim kung wala noon. But the lights were still dim. The flooring was carpeted and it was red. Maging ang wall din ay pula kaya hindi ko maiwasan ang bahagyang pagkatakot dahil medyo madilim pa rin ang buong hallway.

I walked down the hallway thinking that Serj was here. Napatigil ako sa harap ng isang pinto nang makarinig ng mga boses sa loob. It was soft and I couldn’t make out what they were saying. Probably because it was in Russian. Pero dahil din naman sa sobrang hina kaya hindi ko masyadong marinig. Kung hindi lang tahimik sa buong hallway ay hindi ko talaga maririnig iyon.

Lumapit ako sa pinto pero nagulat ako nang biglang magbukas iyon. Shadow cast over me and I had to adjust my eyes to see who it was. But I’m sure it was a man. He closed the door behind him and I was finally able to see him clearly.

“Killian!” nabibigla kong sabi.

Killian smiled at me. He didn’t look like he was surprised to see me here.

“Good evening, madame ,” he greeted. “What are you doing here?”

“Hinahanap ko kasi si Serj. Tapos napunta ako rito. I didn’t even know there is something like this here,” hindi makatingin sa kanyang sabi ko. There was really something dangerous in his eyes. Natatakot ako sa tuwing tumitingin ako roon.

“So, you’re a lost lamb,” he said. When I looked at him, there was a small smile on his lips. It was… creepy. Hindi pa nakatulong na dahil pula ang exteriors, his face looked bloody too.

There was a wall light on his right side. It was illuminating on his face while the other half of his face was cast by the shadow. When he smiles, it looks frightening.

I had to remind myself that it was only the exteriors and the dim lights illuminating his face. I am safe. He wouldn’t do anything to me.

“N-nasa loob ba si Serj?” kinakabahan kong tanong. I wanted to get out of here.

“The boss is not here, madame . He had to attend something outside. Pero pabalik na s’ya.”

“Ah…”

Damn it. Kung alam ko lang na si Killian ang makikita ko rito, hindi na ako pumunta rito.

“Why don’t you wait for the boss in your room, madame ? I’m sure he’ll be back soon.”

Napatingin ako sa pintong nasa likod n’ya. May mga nag-uusap sa loob. Hindi ko alam kung sino ang mga iyon. Wala na rin akong planong alamin. Ang gusto ko lang ay makalayo sa lalaking ’to.

When I looked at Killian again, I shivered. The looked in his eyes was something… bloodthirsty.

“Okay. Thanks.”

Nawala ang nakita ko sa mga mata n’ya. He gave me a polite bow before he smiled at me.

“Good night, madame.”

Mabilis ko s’yang tinalikuran at naglakad na paalis sa lugar na ’yon. I could feel his stares piercing my back. Nakatingin pa rin s’ya sa akin. Alam ko. At pigil na pigil ko ang panginginig ng mga tuhod ko habang naglalakad.

I finally got out. Isinara ko ang pinto at sumandal doon. Humugot ako ng malalim na paghinga. I let out a shuddered breath. Saka ko lang hinayaan ang katawan kong manginig.

Huh… I would never want to meet that man again. Iba ang tingin n’ya. As if he wouldn’t hesitate to kill me if I did something wrong.

I need Serj.

Serj has this intimidating aura as well. Katulad ng kay Killian, nandoon rin sa kanya ang kakayahang kaya n’yang pumatay. I often see it in his eyes whenever he gives me a blank expression. And I knew that he was more dangerous than Killian.

But… There was something in Serj that made me feel calm. Like I’m safe whenever I’m with him. Like he would do everything to protect me. He is also the only one who gave me the comfort I didn’t feel with anyone.

I sighed. Nagsimula na akong umakyat ng hagdan. Habang papaakyat ay nakatingin ako sa pintong pinasukan ko kanina.

I would never go there again.

Chapter 33

I stared at my reflection in the full-length mirror. I was wearing a black ruched bodycon dress with the length reaching just the top of my knees. It has a bustier tube style, and the top is a mesh corset style that is see-through so the skin of my waist can be seen through the mesh fabric. It was one of my designs that I’m actually proud of. I really like the cut. It made me feel sexy and beautiful as it emphasized the curves of my body.

I just let my hair down. I used a hair iron to make it look straighter. The style caging my face. Ang ibang mga hibla ay tumatabing na sa gilid ng mukha ko but I was fine with it. It made me look intimidating yet elegant especially with my dark makeup on. Dahil din kasi sa damit ko at style ng buhok ko, it would be ideal if I put on dark makeup instead of fishing for a natural look. With smokey eye makeup and dark red lipstick, it seemed like I was some girl boss of an underground group.

Kanina pa ako nasa harapan ng salamin. I wanted to look perfect tonight but not too much so I wouldn’t look like I was trying so hard. I will meet my idol tonight, my inspiration since I realized that I wanted to be a fashion designer. Gusto kong mag-iwan ng magandang impression sa kanya.

But I just couldn’t decide if I should wear the rhinestone choker necklace. I think it’s a bit too much? Bumagay naman but since I’m fishing nga for a not-so-trying-hard-but-wanted-to-look-perfect look, hindi ko talaga mapagdesisyonan ang bagay na ’yon. Kung hindi ko naman iyon isusuot, my neck would look plain.

It’s just a necklace, Natalia, for Pete’s sake! Decide already!

Nawala ang tingin ko sa sariling repleksyon sa salamin nang makita ko ang paglapit ni Serj. I watched his reflection in the mirror as he approached me. He was trying to tie his necktie but his eyes were also on my reflection in the mirror. Nakita ko pa ang paraan ng paghangod n’ya ng tingin sa kabuuan ko na halos magpanginig ng buong kalamnan ko.

He was wearing an all-black outfit again. A black inner long sleeve button-down polo shirt was tucked into his black pants with a black belt hugging his hips. His hair was in a slick back style. Nang tumabi s’ya sa akin ay humarap ako sa kanya. Ako na ang nagpatuloy na nag-ayos ng necktie n’ya. I felt his hand on my waist and I could feel his brooding gaze at me.

When I finished tying his tie, I turned my head to look at our reflection in the mirror. We looked so good together. Like we’re a perfect pair with our all-black outfit. My makeup made me look harsh and cruel as well, which matched the look and facial features of Serj.

I was wearing high heeled black ankle boots kaya medyo nagkalapit ang height difference namin ni Serj. He was still taller than me though. With my boots on, hanggang ilalim na lang ako ng baba n’ya.

Tuluyan na akong humarap sa salamin. Serj placed himself behind me without letting go of my waist. He planted a kiss on my bare shoulders. Pagkatapos ay ipinatong n’ya ang baba n’ya sa balikat ko at tinitigan ako mula sa salamin.

“You look breathtakingly gorgeous, love…” he whispered. His voice was raspy and deep with emotion.

Napangiti ako. Who wouldn’t smile at a compliment like that when it came from Serj? The most gorgeous and hottest man I’ve met, probably in the entire world. And even without him saying those words, the look in his eyes was already enough. As if he wanted to ravish me every time he sees me.

I leaned my back on his body and craned my head to the side so he had more access as he nuzzled my neck. Napansin ko ulit ang kwintas na nasa leeg ko nang kuminang iyon nang matamaan ng liwanag.

“Does it look good? My necklace?” I asked for Serj’s opinion.

Napatingin ulit s’ya sa salamin at nakita kong tinitigan n’ya ang leeg ko. He had a serious look on his face but the glint in his blue eyes told me that he was thinking of something again.

“No,” he said. “My hand will look better on your neck though.”

To prove his point, he placed one of his hands on my tummy and pulled my body closer to him, as if there was still space between us when I could already feel his warmth on my entire back. While he moved his other hand up until he could reach my neck and grabbed it. Napasinghap ako sa ginawa n’ya. He chuckled as we both stared at our reflection in the mirror.

Huh… Is this how it looks every time he grabs my neck? His hand was large, certainly the hand of a man. His hand fits perfectly on my neck. As if the length was purposely made with how large his hand was. It looks so good. It looks… sensual. I felt goosebumps as I admire how perfect our reflection in the mirror is.

“See, Natalia?” Serj whispered in my ear as he angled my head so I could see our reflection better. He was pressing the sides of my neck with his every word. “See how you look so fucking sexy with my hand on your neck. Do you understand now why I love touching you? Why I love fucking you?”

I let out a strangled whimper. As if it was from prey that was caught by her predator and had no way out. And all I could do was surrender to him. Because the more I struggle, the less he wants it. And the more he despised what I was doing, the harsher his punishment would be.

He planted a hot and wet kiss on my shoulder blades again. Nakagat ko ang ibabang labi ko. I actually wanted more. Kung wala lang kaming pupuntahan ngayon, baka bumigay na naman ako sa kanya.

“Serj, stop. I was thankful that your marks are gone now. Baka magkaroon na naman. It would be so embarrassing if everyone at the fashion show saw it.”

He chuckled. Mukhang natuwa pa s’ya sa pag-aalala ko. But I was thankful when he stopped kissing my shoulder and removed his hand on my neck. There were some red marks on the sides of my neck from his fingers pero alam kong mawawala rin naman iyon. Dala lang ng kaputian ng balat ko.

“I’ll put lots again after tonight,” he said. His smirk told me he wasn’t joking. “I’ll mark every part of your skin.”

Sinimangutan ko ang repleksyon n’ya sa salamin. He bit his lower lip, hiding his smirk as he wrapped both of his arms around my waist.

“Ano na nga? Okay ba ’yung necklace? Don’t you think it’s a bit too much? Ayokong magmukhang trying hard.”

Serj stared at me. I was nervous while waiting for his answer. Hindi ko na yata dapat hiningi ang opinyon n’ya. Mas kinakabahan pa ako sa sasabihin n’ya kaysa sa kung anong iisipin ng mga tao sa fashion show mamaya.

“I’d like to say that you look good in everything, Natalia, but I know that you wouldn’t want that answer.” Napangiti ako sa sinabi n’ya. He definitely got it right. “But you know better, love. Trust yourself, okay?”

Napalabi ako. He still didn’t give me a straight answer but I know what he was trying to say. That I didn’t need anyone’s opinion and I just have to trust my own. Kung anong tingin kong mas okay, then I just have to go with it.

I gave him a small smile as I reached for the hook of the choker necklace on the back of my neck. Nang mahirapan ako ay tinulungan ako ni Serj at s’ya na mismo ang nagtanggal noon. My neck looked so bare pero bahagya pa ring namumula ang magkabilang gilid dahil sa paghawak ni Serj doon kanina.

But… I guess this is enough though. I still have to wear my black blazer. Matatakpan noon ang mga balikat ko and it would look crowded if I still wear the choker necklace.

This would be perfect for the look I was fishing for tonight.

“Can you get me my blazer and my clutch, please?” I asked Serj. I wanted to see my complete look.

Saglit na humiwalay sa akin si Serj para kunin ang blazer kong nakalatag sa kama katabi ng itim na evening clutch bag ko. He gave me my clutch before he draped the blazer over my shoulder and I stared at my look in the mirror. Nakita kong sinusuot na rin ni Serj ang itim na coat n’ya. We were both wearing all-black outfits and I loved how we looked.

“Perfect,” he said and I couldn’t agree more.

Napangiti ako nang makita sa repleksyon sa salamin ang paghalik n’ya sa pisngi ko. Humarap ako sa kanya at sinalubong ang mga labi n’ya nang muli n’ya akong tangkang halikan. I was smiling as our lips met pero nabura rin iyon nang maging mainit kaagad ang halik na ibinigay n’ya sa akin.

I tried to respond to his kiss with the same ferocity he gave me. I realized he was always full of fire. With every touch and kiss. It would be ignited every time he touched me as if I were the fuel that would set it ablaze. And the moment I responded to his touch and kiss, that fire would erupt.

I was already lost at how hot his mouth was against mine. Ipinulupot ko pa nga ang mga braso ko sa mga balikat n’ya. I even pulled myself closer to him, wanting the kiss to deepen. But to my dismay, Serj ended it. I even let out a groan of frustration which made him chuckle.

“Choose, Natalia. We’re going to continue the kiss which we both know would end up in a hard fuck… Or we’re going to go now to Irina’s fashion show.”

Huh… I realized I didn’t want him to say Irina’s name. Bigla akong nagising doon at ang anumang nararamdaman ko nang dahil sa mga haplos at halik n’ya ay biglang nawala.

I took a deep breath and sighed.

“Wait. Let me just take our picture.”

Inilabas ko ang phone kong nasa clutch bag ko at binuksan ang camera app. Itinapat ko iyon sa salamin. I wanted to take a remembrance for this night. We both looked so good in black. As if we’re partners in crimes. As if we were made for each other.

He held me on the waist habang ang isang braso ko ay nakapulupot pa rin sa balikat n’ya. Napangiti ako sa nakikitang pwesto namin sa phone ko. We looked sweet. I love how Serj was just looking at me like he didn’t care for anything but only for me.

“One… Two…”

I felt Serj’s lips on my temple as I tapped the capture button. I smiled as I checked how the photo turned out. Ipinakita ko iyon kay Serj and I noticed the soft smile on his lips when he saw it. When he looked at me, I almost drowned in the emotions I saw in his eyes.

“I love you…”

I know. Kahit hindi n’ya sabihin, nakikita ko iyon sa mga mata n’ya. Back then, I would definitely think I wouldn’t be able to see such strong emotions in his eyes. ’Yung tipong malulunod pa ako dahil sobra-sobra ang mga iyon.

His blue eyes always seemed so cold. He doesn’t talk much. My first impression of him wasn’t that good. So, if I were who I was before, I would definitely think it would be impossible for him to say these words, let alone see such intense emotions in his eyes.

But now that I’ve got to spend time with him and slowly meet the real him, it’s not impossible. Serj is a sweet man. But only to his woman.

I am his woman. And he is mine.

My words choke up in my throat. I couldn’t say anything as my feelings for him were overflowing. Naluluha ako sa sobrang sayang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Bago pa tumulo ang luha sa mga mata ko ay hinalikan ko s’ya na mabilis n’ya namang tumugon.

I am thankful for this man for coming into my life.

When we got to the venue, I realized how big and famous Irina Morozova was. I recognized a lot of fashion bloggers, editors, and photographers as we walked to the entrance of the venue. I even saw some celebrities. Ilang beses din kaming tumigil sa paglalakad dahil may mga kumukuha ng pictures namin ni Serj.

With such a gorgeous man beside me, hindi na ako magtataka roon. I even think that Serj would surpass those male models with his physique and his height. Not to mention he’s hot and gorgeous.

“Follow me, please,” sabi ng babaeng mukhang isa sa mga staff nang ipinakita namin ang ticket sa entrance para makapasok kami.

We followed her but I was so busy looking around the venue as we got inside. Mabuti na lang at inaalalayan ako ni Serj sa paglalakad kundi ay baka kanina pa ako nabangga.

Of course, the runway was in the center with a white backdrop. Paikot ang runway at may mga upuan na nasa gitna. May mga upuan ding nakahilera sa magkabilang gilid ng runway. Ang mga spotlight ay nakatapat sa catwalk na lalakaran ng mga model mamaya.

May dalawang LED TV na nagsisilbing harang kung saan lalabas ang mga model so they could only be seen when they get in the center. Ang pangalan ni Irina ay ipinapakita sa kanang LED Tv while the sponsors were on the left.

I took a deep breath. It was gorgeous. Maingay ang paligid dahil sa pinapatugtog ng DJ at sa pag-uusap ng mga taong nandoon. But I was so busy admiring the place. This wasn’t the first fashion show I’ve attended but to think that this was my idol’s fashion show made me tear up with happiness.

I’m so glad that I followed my dreams. That I did what I wanted despite those words that my mom said. I’m so glad na hindi ako pinanghinaan ng loob sa mga masasakit na salitang narinig ko sa mismong ina ko. I’m so glad that I managed to stand on my own without the support of my parents.

If not… hindi ko siguro mararamdaman ang ganitong kasiyahan.

“These are your seats.”

Napatingin ako sa upuang itinuro ng babae. My eyes widened when I realized where it was. Hindi makapaniwalang napatingin pa ako sa babae.

“Oh, my God. Front seats?!”

The woman gave me a polite smile.

“Enjoy the show, madame, sir,” sabi n’ya bilang pagpapaalam.

Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala kahit na nang makaupo pa kami ni Serj doon. They were the front seats on the left side of the runway. I just couldn’t believe that Irina would provide us with the front seats! I know that these are the most important and best seats in the fashion show. Mga importanteng tao lang sa fashion industry ino-offer ang mga seat na ’to. People who will sit in the front seats must even be carefully selected for the show to be more successful and I just couldn’t believe I would get to sit in one!

Alright… I’ll set aside my jealousness for now. I’m glad that Serj knew Irina.

“Thank you, Serj,” naluluha ko pang sabi sa lalaking katabi ko sa kanan. I found him already staring at me. Mukhang kanina pa yata pinapanood ang reaksyon ko.

He gave me a side smirk before he kissed the side of my head.

“I’d give anything for you, love…”

There was a downside to sitting in the front seats though. I got conscious. I know that fashion bloggers and photographers took photos of those sitting in the front seats and would include them on their blogs. Kinakabahan akong isipin na baka makuhaan ako ng litrato at maisama sa blog nila. Katabi ko pa naman si Serj.

Bago pa lang kami pumasok ay ramdam ko na ang mga tingin sa amin ng mga tao. Women were obviously gaping at Serj. Kahit din naman ang iba. Halata ang pagkamangha sa mga mata nila nang makita nila ang lalaki. Hindi ko naman sila masisisi. Serj’s sex appeal and hotness were just so out-of-this-world. Nakakamanghang makita na may ganitong kagwapong tao pala.

Huh… It was a good thing I made myself look perfect but-not-trying-hard tonight. I know at least I will look good if my photo gets taken.

Nawala na rin naman ang pagkabalisa ko nang magsimula na ang show. The lights got dim and the spotlights were focused on the runway. Naging abala ako lalo na nang magsimulang maglakad ang mga modelo suot ang mga disenyo ni Irina. They walked down the runway one by one wearing Irina’s designs.

I couldn’t help but admire her works. They were fabulous. Anyone could tell that each modeled clothes were carefully made. The details and style just matched together. Parang walang out-of-place sa lahat ng mga gawa n’ya. Walang masakit sa mata.

“Irina’s so amazing. That’s why she’s my inspiration,” sabi ko kay Serj na hindi inaalis ang tingin sa mga modelong dumadaan sa harap namin.

“Hmm.”

Napatingin ako kay Serj dahil sa naging maikli n’yang sagot. There wasn’t any emotion in his eyes as if he was bored. Kung hindi ko lang nararamdaman ang paminsan-minsang paghalik n’ya sa balikat at gilid ng ulo ko, at sa braso n’yang nakapulupot sa bewang ko, iisipin kong nakatulog na talaga s’ya.

I smiled at him. He was trying so hard to be with me as this is such an important event for me. But he’s that man who isn’t interested in something like this.

I cupped his face and planted a quick peck on his lips. Madilim naman at alam kong ang focus ng mga tao ay nasa mga modelo kaya hindi na ako nahiyang gawin iyon. Nawala ang boredom sa mga mata n’ya. Napangiti na lang ako at ibinalik na ang tingin sa runway.

At the end of the show, nakapila na ang mga modelo nang lumabas sila and the audience clapped as they walked. As the last model walked backstage again, Irina walked to the runway. Naglakad s’ya hanggang sa kalahati ng runway, waved her hand to the audience before she finally exited.

The show didn’t end there. Dumiretso ang lahat sa after-party venue, the function hall na katabi lang ng pinagdausan ng runway show. The bloggers and photographers took their time to talk with the guests and celebrities there. Ang iba naman ay kinuha na ang pagkakataong iyon para makausap ang mga fashion editors.

“This is actually my first time to witness Irina’s after-party,” I said to Serj as we walked inside the venue. “Madalas kasi ’yung runway show lang ’yung mga napapanood ko sa blog.”

“You’re happy.”

Napatingin ako kay Serj. He was holding two glasses of wine. Ibinigay n’ya sa akin ang isa at nakangiti ko namang tinanggap iyon.

“Very happy.”

“I’m glad,” he said as he raised his glass towards me. I clinked my glass with him and we both drank the wine at the same time.

The party started and the models partied with the crowd. Of course, I didn’t let the opportunity pass. I asked for their pictures and they gladly let me. They were so kind, so gorgeous, and so tall I thought I was actually facing the Greek Gods!

“Grabe, ang gaganda nila!” sabi ko kay Serj matapos kong makipag-selfie sa isa sa mga modelo.

“You’re the most gorgeous, Natalia.”

I made a face at him kahit na kinikilig ako. He just chuckled and snaked his arm around my waist. Buong gabi s’yang nakadikit sa akin at binibitiwan lang ako kapag gusto kong makipag-picture sa mga tao.

“Serj!”

Pareho kaming napatingin ni Serj sa tumawag sa kanya. My breathing hitched when I saw who it was. Natawa na nga lang si Serj nang marinig ang maingay na pagsinghap ko.

It was Irina! She was approaching us with a huge smile on her face. Suddenly, I didn’t know how to act. Napaayos pa ako sa buhok at damit ko at hindi alam kung ngingitian ba o hindi ang babaeng palapit sa amin.

I remembered Serj told me that Russians find it rude when a stranger smiles at them! I don’t want Irina’s first impression of me that I’m a rude person!

I felt Serj squeeze my waist as if telling me to relax. Hinigit pa n’ya ang katawan ko palapit sa kanya. His hand slowly caressed the curves of my waist, helping me to relax but at the same time, giving me an unimaginable sensation.

“I’m so glad you made it!”

I tried to stop myself from having negative thoughts and feelings when Irina kissed Serj on the cheek. It’s normal. Batian lang ’yon. Of course, they know each other. Ganoon rin naman ako sa mga kaibigan kong lalaki.

I just stared at Irina instead. Goodness. She’s a goddess. She was wearing a white one-shoulder bodycon dress. Her dress was very simple. Bukod sa parang ribbon na itinali sa balikat n’ya, iyon lang ang design ng dress. The rest was just hugging the curves of her body but she managed to make it look classy and fabulous.

Dahil sa puting dress ay mas lalong lumabas ang kaputian n’ya. She has fair skin and it looked so smooth. She was tall. We were almost the same height with my high-heeled boots on pero hindi naman kataasan ang suot n’yang rhinestones evening heels.

Para s’yang manika with gray eyes. Bukod sa talento n’ya, she’s also famous as one of the gorgeous designers in the fashion industry. Many men adored her beautiful face. Hindi rin lingid sa kaalaman ng lahat na ilang mga lalaking modelo ang umamin sa pagkakaroon ng crush sa kanya. But she remained professional. Wala pa nga yata akong nababalitaang lalaking na-link sa kanya romantically.

She has curly light-brown hair. So light that it almost looked blonde. Pero kung tititigan nang matagal ay mas makikita ang brown ng buhok n’ya kaysa sa pagka-blonde. It has princess curls. Iyong straight sa ibabaw pero habang humahaba ay kumukulot iyon.

“I was really surprised when I saw you watching earlier. I thought your seat would be vacant the whole time and I was so worried ’cause it’s a front seat!” Even her voice was so soft.

“Natalia really wanted to come so I just went with her,” Serj said. His voice was flat, so opposite to the enthusiasm Irina was giving her.

Saka lang napatingin sa akin si Irina at tumigil yata ako sa paghinga. What the hell! Naka-eye-to-eye ko ang idol ko!

Oh, my God. Is this real? Totoo bang nasa harap ko ngayon si Irina? Si Irina na naging inspiration ko sa fashion industry?

“Is this her?” nakangiting tanong ni Irina na saglit na sinulyapan si Serj pero ibinalik din ang tingin sa akin.

“She’s Natalia. My girl,” pagpapakilala ni Serj at kahit halos mag-hyperventilate na ako dahil kaharap ko si Irina ay hindi ko maiwasan ang kiligin sa paraan ng pagpapakilala n’ya sa ’kin.

Irina smiled sweetly at me.

“I finally got to meet you. I’m Irina Morozova.” She extended her hand for a handshake.

Nakita ko pa ang panginginig ng kamay ko nang tanggapin ko iyon.

“It is an honor to meet my inspiration. I’m Natalia Nicole Gonzales. Thank you for inviting me to your show.”

“No worries. I apologize for replying late to your email—”

“No, no. It’s okay.” Binitiwan ko ang kamay n’ya. “I shouldn’t have sent you an email since Serj already sent you one about me.”

She smiled.

“Either way, it is nice meeting you,” she said. “I like your dress by the way.”

“It’s her design,” Serj said like a proud boyfriend.

Mukha namang nagulat doon si Irina.

“Really? It’s so gorg! Serj was right when he mentioned that you really have the talent.”

Napatingin ako kay Serj. He wasn’t smiling but the look in his eyes was soft. I smiled at him, thankful for what he did.

“Good evening, boss, madame … and to you, Irina.”

Napatingin kaming lahat sa bagong dating. Nagulat pa ako nang makitang nakatayo na si Killian sa tabi ni Serj at may hawak pang wine glass sa kanang kamay. He was wearing a black inner button-down polo shirt over a black coat and pants. Pero wala namang necktie at nakabukas pa ang unang dalawang butones ng inner polo n’ya kaya nagpapakita ang tattoo sa dibdib at leeg n’ya.

“Kill.” Irina politely bowed her head to the man, acknowledging his presence. Nawala ang matamis na ngiti sa mga labi n’ya.

“It’s been a while,” Killian said. Hindi ko alam kung bakit may nakakalokong ngisi sa mga labi n’ya habang nakatingin kay Irina. 

“Yeah,” maikling sagot ni Irina.

“I went to your house last time to get the boss’ tickets but it was your maid who gave them to me. I was hoping to meet you that night though.”

I frowned at what Killian said. Nagpalipat-lipat pa muna ang tingin ko sa kanilang dalawa ni Irina bago na-realize ang sinabi n’ya.

So, it was Killian who got the tickets from Irina! Ibinigay n’ya lang kay Serj! Ibig sabihin, hindi nagpunta si Serj kay Irina nang araw na makarating kami rito sa Russia! He must’ve really been with his father the whole time.

Napatingin ako kay Killian. There was some emotion dancing in his dark eyes as he stared at Irina who refused to look at him. Hindi mawala ang nakakalokong ngisi sa mga labi n’ya. He looked at me when he probably felt my stares and gave me a wink.

“Serj, can I borrow Natalia for a while? I’ll just introduce her to some people. They should know that I have a talented designer with me,” Irina said at nawala na ang atensyon ko kay Killian.

Serj looked at me. I know he was thinking if he should let me go with Irina. Gusto kong sabihin na gusto kong sumama kay Irina dahil gusto ko rin makilala ang ibang mga nandoon pero hinintay ko ang magiging sagot n’ya. He was the reason why I am here and I’m already thankful to him that I got to be here anyway.

Serj sighed. I smiled widely when he nodded his head once.

“Alright. Just don’t let her out of my sight.”

Irina giggled. Mukhang kinilig din sa sinabing iyon ni Serj para sa akin at ako naman ay pinamulahan ng mukha. I mouthed a thank you to him bago ako hinila ni Irina palayo sa dalawang lalaking nakamasid na lang sa pag-alis namin.

“I’m really glad to finally meet you, Natalia,” sabi ni Irina na nakapulupot ang isang braso sa akin. “To be honest, I was really surprised when I received an email from Serj and even more surprised that it was about a girl! I’ve never imagined that someone like him would do that for a girl!”

Natawa ako sa sinabi n’ya. Mukha kasi s’yang gulat na gulat na nakatanggap s’ya ng email mula kay Serj. So that gave me an idea that they don’t contact each other that much. Base rin sa naging pag-uusap nila kanina ay mukhang hindi naman sila gaanong ka-close. Serj treated her like how he treats everyone.

“He’s sweet,” I said, defending the man I like.

“I can see that. But still, it surprised me, you know,” Irina said before she heaved a deep breath and smiled at me. “Come. I have a lot of people that I want you to meet.”

Nagpahila na lang ako kay Irina. She really did introduce me to a lot of people. To the fashion bloggers, photographers who took my photo when Irina said I designed my dress I was wearing tonight, and to the fashion editors from different fashion magazines. Lahat ng mga iyon ay kinuha ang business cards ko. Mabuti na lang at naisipan kong magdala ngayon pero dahil sa dami ng ipinakilala sa akin, nagkulang pa ang dinala ko!

“You should create your website!” sabi ni Irina nang malamang wala pa ako noon dahil may isang blogger na nagtanong. “It helps with marketing your designs!”

“I’ll do that once I get back.”

“Also, expect a lot of calls from now on. I can see they like your dress too. They might contact you.”

I looked at Irina, full of gratitude.

“Thank you, Irina.”

“No worries. You’re really talented, Natalia.”

We rested for a while and stayed at one of the cocktail tables to drink our wine. Irina’s friendly. Mas lalo lang tuloy nadagdagan ang paghanga ko sa kanya. She even gave me a lot of advice as someone successful in the industry.

“Exposure is one of the most important in every aspect, you know. So, it’s also important to know how to market yourself. I mean, how would people know about your designs if you won’t let them know?”

Napalabi ako. “I’ll create my website as soon as I can.”

She chuckled.

“Let me know once you’ve already done that, okay?”

I smiled and nodded at her. We both sipped on our wine.

“By the way,” she said abruptly. “You appear gentle, as if you despise violence; I’m surprised you chose Serj.”

I frowned, not getting what she said.

“Huh? I don’t get it.”

“I mean… You know.” She stared at me. She looked like she was being careful with her words. “Because of his job. Because of what he is…”

Hindi n’ya dinugtungan ang sinabi n’ya. As if she was expecting me to get what she was trying to say with just that. I remained staring at her. Nang mahalata n’yang hindi ko naiintindihan ang sinabi n’ya, she looked shocked.

“You still didn’t know? Serj hasn’t told you yet?”

Hindi ako nakapagsalita. I was so confused. What is it that Serj should tell me? She mentioned his job. Anong meron sa trabaho n’ya?

“Serj told you?” I asked. May sakit akong naramdaman sa dibdib ko sa isiping nagawang sabihin ni Serj sa kanya pero sa akin ay hindi.

“No, no.” She shook his head. Nahalata yata ang negatibong nararamdaman ko. “I just realized because of Killian. Since Serj is his boss.”

Irina was trying to tell me that she was surprised I was with Serj despite his job. Despite what he is. Serj is Killian’s boss. And… Killian said that he kills people who get in his boss’s way.

But Serj said that his work is about dealing with people and others. Like an agency.

Dealing with people…

“ Dobryy vecher, Irina. “

Wala ako sa sarili nang tignan ang lumapit sa amin. Mas lalo lang akong napatulala nang makita ang babaeng nakangiti kay Irina. She looked like an angel. Sobrang amo ng mukha n’ya at mukhang hindi pa magagawang magalit. I recognized her as one of the models who walked in the runway earlier.

Sa tabi n’ya ay isang lalaking ibang-iba ang aura sa babaeng ’yon. There was no emotion on his face. He kept his distance from the girl and that gave me the impression that he was her bodyguard.

Nakatitig sa akin ang lalaki. Para bang inaabangan kung may gagawin akong masama. Hindi ko natagalan ang titig na ’yon kaya nag-iwas ako ng tingin at tumingin na lang kay Irina na nakangiti rin sa babae.

“Hey… there’s someone I want you to—”

Bago pa matapos ni Irina ang sasabihin n’ya ay nakarinig kami ng tilian. It’s a frightened screamed. The man beside the woman who looked like an angel became alerted. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang makitang naglabas s’ya ng baril mula sa likuran n’ya.

“Get down!” I heard him shout.

After that, a loud gunshot echoed throughout the entire place.

Chapter 34

I have no idea what’s happening. Nagkakagulo ang lahat. The screams were terrifying as everyone tried to run for their safety. May mga nadadapa sa pagmamadali at ang iba’y walang pakialam kung nakakatapak sila basta makalabas lang sa lugar na ’yon.

The feeling of not having a single idea of what was happening frightened me so much. Suddenly, it feels like I am in an unknown place. It was suffocating. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. I know that I have to run. I know that I have to get away. But I didn’t know where to go.

The gunshot we heard earlier was so loud it could be heard over the music that the DJ was playing. Nakakatakot ang malakas na putok ng baril na iyon na hindi ko alam kung saan nanggaling. Pero mas nakakatakot ang sigawan ng mga tao. They were screaming for their lives.

“Are you okay?” halos pasigaw na tanong nu’ng lalaking kasama ng babaeng mukhang anghel. The woman looked terrified but she tried to hide it as she nodded to the man.

The man looked around. Saglit na nagkasalubong ang mga mata namin bago s’ya  muling tumingin sa kasama n’ya. He looked alerted and he moved urgently.

“Let’s go,” he said as he pulled the arm of the woman. Halata ang pagmamadali sa kilos sa kagustuhang maialis agad ang babae sa lugar na ’yon. The woman looked at Irina and held out her hand.

“Irina,” she called her name. Napatingin sa akin si Irina at mabilis na hinawakan ang kamay ko bago tinanggap ang kamay ng babae.

Irina pulled me with them. I could feel her hand shaking as we moved fast while the man was guiding our way. Hindi na ako nag-isip pa at sumunod na rin sa kanila. Ilang beses kaming umiwas sa mga taong mukhang hindi alam kung saan tatakbo.

I squeezed Irina’s hand despite the fear I was feeling in my chest. I probably did it more for myself. I wanted to assure myself that I had someone with me. Na hindi ako nag-iisa sa gitna ng mga nagkakagulong tao.

I tried to match their pace. Kahit na anong pag-iwas ang gawin ko ay hindi pa rin maiiwasang may makabangga akong tao dahil ang iba ay tumatakbo nang walang direksyon. But I didn’t let go of Irina’s hand. I refused to let go of her hand. I know it’ll be bad kung sakaling mahiwalay ako sa kanila.

I think it was my adrenaline that helped me move my feet despite the fear I was feeling. Sinubukang isara ang isip ko at hindi hinayaan ang sarili kong mas mangibabaw ang tako na nararamdaman ko. Right now, the most important thing is to get out of this place and get to a safe place.

To Serj. I need Serj…

Hindi na ako nakasigaw nang may mala-bakal na kamay ang kumagat sa braso ko at hilahin iyon. It hurts. Para bang ginamit ng kung sinumang may-ari ng kamay na ’yon ang buong lakas para mahila ako mula sa pagkakahawak ni Irina.

With that force, nabitiwan ko ang kamay ni Irina. Tumama ang katawan ko sa matigas na bagay. I looked up and saw Serj looming over me. Immediately, I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted out of my chest.

“Serj…”

He wasn’t looking at me but at someone. His jaw was set. His blue eyes turned a shade darker. The look in his eyes was somewhat murderous. I felt the chill down my spine even if his gaze wasn’t directed at me. Mas natakot pa ako sa paraan ng tingin n’ya ngayon kaysa sa sigawan ng mga tao.

“Let go of the woman, Romanov.”

I looked at the man that was with us earlier when he said those words. His expression mirrored what I saw in Serj. He was furious… and terrifying. As if he was just waiting for Serj to make a mistake so he could use the gun he was holding.

Nang ibinalik ko ang tingin kay Serj, halatang hindi n’ya nagustuhan ang sinabi ng lalaki. Mas dumoble ang galit na nakikita ko sa mga mata n’ya. I noticed his jaw clenched when he gritted his teeth.

“You are making a fucking mistake, Alexeev,” Serj said, almost spitting every word.

“She’s with us,” sabi nu’ng lalaking tinawag ni Serj na Alexeev.

I heard someone chuckle and I just realized that Killian was also with us. He was standing beside Serj. I noticed Killian holding Irina in the arm.

“They’re with us,” sabi ni Killian na itinuro pa kami ni Irina gamit ang kamay n’yang may hawak ng baril dahil ang isa ay nakahawak sa braso ni Irina. I gasped. Scared that he would accidentally fire that gun at us.

Mukhang hindi lang ako ang natakot sa ginawa n’ya. Alexeev became more alerted and pointed the gun at Killian first before he pointed it at Serj. Nalaman ko kung bakit n’ya ginawa iyon. As soon as he raised his gun, Killian and Serj moved as well and pointed their guns at Alexeev too.

I heard Irina shriek. My eyes widened when I realized that Serj was actually holding a gun too. Nanlamig ang buong katawan at hindi makagalaw. Nadagdagan ang takot na nararamdaman ko kanina at nahihirapan na akong pigilan iyon.

“Devlin, no!” I heard the woman say. Hinawakan n’ya pa ang braso ni Alexeev na may hawak na baril at parang gusto pang ipababa iyon.

I didn’t know what to do. Napamaang lang ako sa tatlong lalaking may hawak ng baril. I could still hear the people screaming and it frightened me so much.

No… Not now. Not now.

“How would I know if you’re telling the truth and not just kidnapping them?” Nakita kong humigpit ang hawak ni Alexeev sa baril n’ya. “I know what a sick bastard you are, Romanov.”

Serj didn’t say anything but I could feel he was enraged. Humigpit ang kapit n’ya sa braso ko sa pagpipigil ng galit n’ya. But I didn’t even notice his grip on the gun shaking despite the rage he felt. As if he was certain of what he intended to do with it.

Killian let out a sarcastic chuckle. There was a smirk on his lips but the look in his eyes told me he was a millisecond away from shooting Alexeev.

I have to do something. Bago pa magkasakitan ang tatlong lalaking ’tong parang nakalimutan na ang nangyayari sa paligid namin. The dispute between them was so obvious. Kahit sa kaunting palitan lang ng mga salita nila ay alam ko nang hindi nila kasundo iyong si Alexeev. Pero hindi importante sa ngayon. We first need to get to a safe place.

“It’s okay, Mr. Alexeev,” I said but he didn’t take his eyes off Serj. “I’m Serj’s girlfriend. I came here with him.”

To prove my point, tinanggal ko ang kamay ni Serj na nakahawak sa braso ko. Nahirapan pa ako dahil ayaw akong bitiwan ni Serj kahit hindi naman s’ya nakatingin sa akin. Pero nagpumilit ako at nang alisin n’ya ay pinagsiklop ko ang mga kamay namin. I squeezed his hand, letting him know that I’m with him.

Saglit lang sinulyapan ni Alexeev ang mga kamay namin ni Serj.

“How would I know you’re not behind this?” he even asked. 

I heard Killian say something in Russian. He looked so pissed despite the smirk on his lips. Parang malapit nang mapikon pero nagpipigil lang dahil walang ginagawa si Serj. But I know he was just waiting for his boss’ orders even though it was obvious how much he wanted to pull his gun’s trigger.

“You’re not a fucking dumbass, Alexeev,” sa wakas ay nagsalita na rin si Serj. “Do you really think I’d put my woman in danger?”

Nakita kong muling bumaba ang tingin ni Alexeev sa mga kamay namin ni Sej na magkahawak. This time, his eyes lingered for a second. He then looked at me and I could see that he was trying to read my expression. Wala sa sariling napahigpit ang kapit ko sa kamay ni Serj at mukhang napansin iyon ni Alexeev.

Lumipat ang tingin n’ya sa kamay ni Killian na nakahawak pa rin sa braso ni Irina bago n’ya tinignan si Irina na parang natatakot na rin sa tensyon na namumuo sa pagitan ng tatlong lalaki.

“You might want to think fast though.” Halata ang inis kay Killian nang tumawa s’ya. “You’re putting everyone in danger.”

“Let’s just go, Devlin,” the woman said beside him. Muling tinangkang ibaba ang braso ng lalaki.

Alexeev glared at Killian and Serj before he finally put down his gun. Ganoon rin ang ginawa ng dalawa. He gave one last look before he held the woman in the arm again.

“Let’s go,” ang huling sinabi ni Alexeev bago hinila ang babae palayo sa amin.

Serj immediately looked at me.

“Let’s get out of here,” he said. Tumango ako at naramdaman ko ang paghila n’ya sa kamay ko.

I just let Serj guide the way. May pagmamadali sa mga kilos n’ya at sinubukan kong sabayan ang malalaki n’yang mga hakbang. I tried my best not to trip despite the high heels of the boots I was wearing.

Napatingin ako sa likod ko at nakitang nakasunod din sa amin sina Killian at Irina. He was pulling her in the arm and Irina’s trying to match his pace too.

Nang makarating kami sa labas ng building ay may kotseng agad na pumarada sa harap namin. Binuksan ni Serj ang pinto sa backseat at walang salitang pumasok ako sa loob. Tumabi sa akin si Irina.

“Kill, take them to the safe house,” rinig kong sabi ni Serj.

“Wait!” pigil ko nang tangkang isasara n’ya ang pinto ng kotse. “What about you?”

“There’s something I need to check,” he said. “Don’t worry. Killian will be with you. You’ll be safe.”

Hindi iyon ang inaalala ko. Serj was planning to go back inside the venue!

“Serj!” I tried to stop him but he had already closed the door.

“Natalia…” Irina held my hand. She must’ve thought I was planning to follow Serj. “He will be okay.”

I stared at her. She looked too sure about it and I don’t know why. Bakit parang siguradong-sigurado s’yang magiging okay si Serj? Anong alam n’yang hindi ko alam? Bakit parang mas kilala n’ya pa si Serj kaysa sa akin?

Even though she knows something about him that I don’t, I’m still worried about him. Mali ba ’yon? Serj went back to where we just heard a gunshot earlier! Paanong hindi ako mag-aalala?

I was so frustrated that I chose not to say anything. Wala na rin naman akong nagawa. Serj looked so sure about what he wanted to do as if nobody could stop him. Nang sumakay na rin si Killian sa passenger seat at paandarin na ng driver ang sasakyan palayo roon ay umayos na lang ako ng upo.

Irina said something to Killian in Russian and Killian answered her in the same language. Dahil hindi ko maintindihan ay hindi ko na sila pinansin.

Naiwan ang isip ko roon sa venue kahit na kaninang nandoon ako at nagkakagulo ang lahat ay gusto kong makaalis agad. Why did Serj have to go back there? Hindi ba pwedeng sumama na lang s’ya sa amin ngayon? He told Killian to bring Irina and me to the safe house. Why does he have a safe house? Why would he need a safe house? Does that mean… he’s expecting something like this to happen?

Why does Serj have a gun? What did he need the gun for?

Tahimik lang akong nakaupo habang gulong-gulo ang isip ko sa lahat ng mga tanong na pumapasok sa utak ko. I couldn’t even appreciate the night lights of Russia. Ang sabi pa naman ay maganda raw ang night lights sa Moscow pero parang wala akong nakikita kahit nakatanaw naman ako sa labas ng bintana. I was so preoccupied with the questions in my mind to even appreciate the view.

I have so many questions I didn’t know if all of them will have an answer. Kahit anong pilit kong isipin ang sagot ay wala akong maisip. Hindi pa nakatulong ang pagtatalo nina Irina at Killian na hindi ko naman maintindihan dahil Russian language ang gamit nila. Base sa tono at paraan ng pagsasalita nila, mukhang nagtatalo nga ang dalawa.

I frowned when I couldn’t take the noise of their quarrel anymore. Nakakarindi. Wala akong maintindihan. Wala akong maintindihan sa lahat ng nangyayari ngayon.

“Will you both just shut up?!” hindi ko na napigilan na bulyaw sa kanila. “I don’t understand what you’re saying! I don’t understand what’s happening! I don’t understand anything at all!”

I feel so frustrated right now. Naramdaman ko pa ang pagluluha ng mga mata ko sa sobrang frustration. Sa sobrang inis na wala akong naiintindihan sa mga nangyayari ngayon. Wala akong alam sa lahat!

Natahimik naman ang dalawa. I harshly wiped the tear that fell off my cheeks. I suddenly felt bad for taking out my frustration on them.

“I’m sorry…”

Irina sighed and held both of my hands with hers.

“It’s alright, Natalia…” I saw her glare at Killian. “I can’t believe you and Serj haven’t told her anything yet.”

Hindi na nagsalita si Killian. Naging tahimik ang buong byahe namin. Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal ang naging byahe namin hanggang sa makarating kami sa safe house na sinasabi ni Serj.

Mula sa gate ay ilang minuto pa kaming bumyahe bago nakarating sa safe house na napapalibutan ng puno ang malawak na field. Unlike sa bahay ni Serj, simple lang ang naging disenyo ng safe house. Just like those modern houses with black exterior. But twice bigger with only two floors.

Saglit ko lang inilibot ang tingin sa buong bahay. Halos walang kagamitan sa loob. There was a big sofa in the middle of the living room. Kahit TV ay wala. Maging ang disensyo ng bahay sa loob ay hindi ganoong ka-detailed unlike sa bahay ni Serj.

“I’ll take you to your room, madame ,” sabi sa akin ni Killian.

Wala sa sariling tinignan ko s’ya at tumango. He looked at Irina and his eyes turned serious.

“Stay there, Irina. You know better than to go anywhere.”

I saw Irina roll her eyes before she walked towards the sofa and sat there as she crossed her arms over her chest. Mukhang nakuntento naman doon si Killian at tinanguan na ako.

I just followed him as he went upstairs. Parang may sariling isip ang mga paa kong sumusunod lang sa kanya. My mind went blank. Kung gaano karami ang iniisip ko kanina, nawala ang lahat ng iyon ngayon.

Namalayan ko na lang na may binuksang isang pinto si Killian at pinapasok ako sa loob. Nang makita ko ang malawak na kama ay umupo ako sa dulo noon.

“’Yung mga gamit ko?” tanong kong nilingon si Killian.

I found him staring at me. Nakatayo lang s’ya sa may pintuan.

“May magdadala na rito ng mga gamit mo mamaya, madame .”

Tumango ako at iniwas na ang tingin sa kanya. Tumitig lang ako sa kawalan. I know that Killian was still standing in the doorway, staring at me, pero hindi ko na s’ya ulit nilingon.

“Will you be okay here?”

Napatingin ako kay Killian nang itanong n’ya ’yon. Saglit ko lang s’yang tinanguan at nag-iwas na ulit ng tingin.

“Call me if you need anything, madame .”

I didn’t answer him this time. Nanatili lang akong nakatingin sa kawalan.

I heard him sigh.

“I’ll go now. Good night, madame .”

Narinig ko na ang pagsasara ng pinto pero hindi pa rin ako gumalaw. I just remained motionless.

Ilang minuto ang lumipas na ganoon lang ako. Then, I felt my arms start shaking. Niyakap ko ang sarili ko para patigilin ang mga braso ko sa panginginig. But I realized that it was my whole body that was shaking.

Nakaramdam ako ng panlalamig nang maalala ang nangyari kanina. Mas lumala lang ang panginginig ng katawan ko.

I remembered the sound of the gunshot that ripped my peaceful and happy evening. What I thought would be the best night of my life turned out to be a nightmare.

I remembered Alexeev reaching rapidly for a gun. Serj and Killian were carrying weapons. I remembered how they turned their weapons toward Alexeev, and Alexeev pointing the gun at them. I remembered the expressions on their faces, which looked as though they were prepared to kill one another if the other made a mistake.

They looked as if it was natural for them to move like that. And the way they were holding their weapons as if the guns were a part of their body.

Hindi naman iyon ang unang pagkakataon na makakita ako ng totoong baril. My father has bodyguards and they have guns to protect him.

Earlier was the first time that I heard an actual gunshot. It was… frightening.

Did someone… die?

And Serj and Killian… Why does it seem like they have their guns not to protect themselves but for killing?

Dumagsa ulit ang mga tanong sa isip ko. Tanong tungkol sa pagkatao ni Serj.

Marami pa akong hindi alam tungkol sa kanya. Mas napatunayan ko iyon ngayon. And… it seemed like there was something more about his work besides being ‘like an agency.’

Ilang beses akong huminga nang malalim para pakalmahin ang sarili ko. Patuloy pa rin sa panginginig ang katawan ko. My eyes began to tear up as well as the worst question popped in my mind.

Is Serj’s job involved killing people?

Narinig ko ang pagbubukas ng pinto pero hindi ako gumalaw. Nanatili lang akong yakap ang sarili k habang pinipigilan ang katawan sa panginginig. That familiar manly scent that filled my nose was enough to know who had just entered the room anyway.

Narinig ko ang mga hakbang n’yang palapit sa akin bago naramdaman ang paglubog ng kama sa tabi ko. I heard him take a deep breath before I felt his arms wrapped around me. He pulled my body close to him and hugged me tight. He caressed my back very gently.

Kusang tumulo ang luha sa mga mata ko nang maramdaman ang init ng katawan n’ya. It was comforting. I cried in relief knowing that he came back safely and that I am safe as well now that I’m with him.

Kagat ang pang-ibabang labing tahimik akong umiyak. I let out everything. My fear, my frustration about not knowing anything, and the relief.

Just a while ago, I was thinking the worst about him but it was also with him that I felt safest. Alam kong ligtas ako at walang makakapanakit sa akin kapag nasa tabi ko s’ya.

Nang kalmado na ako at sa wakas ay tumigil na sa panginginig ang katawan ko ay humiwalay ako sa kanya. I wiped my tears, heaved a deep breath, and sighed before I looked at him.

Serj is very handsome. Hindi ako magsasawang sabihin iyon dahil iyon talaga ang naiisip ko sa tuwing napapatingin ako sa kanya.

I love how manly and strong he looks. I love the blue of his eyes. They had the warmest blue—the hottest color of fire—as well as the bluest ice—the color of a glacier. I love how he looked savage and merciless, yet his eyes were gentle and worried as he stared at me.

But right now… I feel scared… and safe with him.

“Serj…” my voice lacked emotion. “Irina told me something. Something that made me think about what your job really is. About who you really are.”

Hindi s’ya nagsalita at nanatili lang ang tingin n’ya sa ’kin. Hinihintay lang n’ya ang mga sasabihin ko. Muli kong naramdaman ang pag-iinit ng sulok ng mga mata ko.

“And I’ve been contemplating… everything.” I cleared my throat when my voice broke. “I didn’t like the answer that I’ve come up with.”

I took a deep breath. Naramdaman ko kasi ang pagsisikip ng dibdib ko. Dahan-dahan kong pinakawalan ang hangin sa bibig ko.

“It was silly but…” pinagaan ko pa ang tono ko. “Your job involves killing people?”

“Yes.” Wala man lang akong pag-aalinlangan na narinig sa boses n’ya.

I took a shaky breath. Naikuyom ko ang mga kamao ko nang maramdaman ang panginginig ng mga kamay ko.

“Then… have you already… killed someone?”

Ilang sandaling nanatiling nakatitig lang si Serj sa akin. Sa bawat segundong lumilipas ay mas lumalala ang kabang nararamdaman ko sa dibdib ko. But I didn’t look away from him. I know he wouldn’t want me to look away from him.

“Yes.”

Naputol ang maingay kong pagsinghap nang mariin kong isara ang bibig ko. I pursed my lips. Mariin kong kinagat ang ibabang labi ko. Nang mamanhid iyon sa sakit ay saka ko lang pinakawalan.

“Then…” hindi ko na napigilan ang panginginig sa boses ko. “Ano talaga’ng trabaho mo? Who are you, Serj?”

He stared at me. Muli akong nakaramdam ng panlalamig habang nakatitig sa mga mata n’yang mas nagpalala ng panginginig ng katawan ko.

His blue eyes turned colder but I still refused to look away from him.

“I’m a Bratva’s boss, Natalia. The Russian Mafia. I am the leader of the Romanov Family.”

Chapter 35

I was waiting for Serj to tell me that he was just joking but his face was so serious and there wasn’t any hint in his eyes that could tell me he was just playing a trick on me. And Serj isn’t the kind of person to joke about something like this. So that means that he was telling the truth.

But my mind refused to believe it. I couldn’t believe it. He’s a Mafia? The Russian Mafia? And he’s the boss?

Nanatili lang ang tingin ko kay Serj. I… didn’t know what to think. Ang akala ko ay sobra na ang pagkagulat ko nang malaman ang mga ginagawa n’ya. And now this?

“I don’t know what to say…” mahina kong sabi. I didn’t mean to say it out loud but my mind was in chaos. I didn’t know what I should say and what I should think anymore.

“We’re not violent people, Natalia,” he said. “We’re nothing like how the movies depict us. We avoid bloodshed as much as we can. We have rules. We have codes that we follow.”

There was a hint of desperation in his eyes as if he wanted me to understand everything. But it was gone before I could even tell if I really saw it or not. His face remained serious. His eyes were cold. He looked so formal as he explained those things to me.

“But you said you killed people.”

“Yes.” He was looking straight into my eyes. “Those who broke the code. Those who put the family in danger.”

I took a deep breath. I felt like I was suffocating. He didn’t even blink when he said those to me.

“You will still do it when those happen? When someone broke your code and rules?”

“…Yes.”

My breathing hitched. Hindi ko alam kung kailangan ko bang ipagpasalamat ang pagsasabi n’ya ng totoo sa akin. Ang pagsagot n’ya ng totoo sa mga tanong ko. Hindi ko alam kung dapat pa ba akong magtanong sa kanya dahil hindi ko rin naman kinakaya ang mga naririnig kong sagot mula sa kanya.

I stood up. Tumalikod ako at humakbang ng ilang beses para makalayo sa kanya. I held a hand on my neck, feeling it to make sure that there was nothing that’s making me suffocate as I was having a hard time breathing. Pero wala akong nakapang kahit ano sa leeg ko para mahirapan akong huminga ng ganito. My dress isn’t even that tight.

Knowing that he already killed people was already too much. People. Hindi lang isa. And he just hinted that he would still do it if the situation calls for it.

Naitakip ko ang dalawang palad sa mukha ko. I buried my face in my palms, feeling frustrated and helpless with the truth. God… What have I done to experience all of this?

Hindi ko na alam kung anong mararamdaman ko. Litong-lito na ko. I just can’t handle all of this. I just can’t handle this truth.

“Natalia…” I heard Serj call my name. Nakagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi ko nang marinig ang paghihirap sa boses n’ya. “We’re not—”

“What?” Marahas akong humarap sa kanya. He was already standing. I saw in his eyes his uncertainty about whether he should go near me or not. “Hindi kayo bayolente? Serj… what happened at the party said otherwise.”

“That was a different case. The Romanov family has nothing to do with what happened earlier.”

“Wait… Wait…” I held a hand, stopping him from saying anything further. “You mean there are other Mafia families out there?”

“Yes.”

“And they are your enemies?”

“We often stay out of each other’s way and avoid feuds. We often only do business.”

“Eh, ano nga ’yung nangyari kanina sa party?!” I was so frustrated. Hindi ko na napigilan ang pagtaas ng boses ko.

Serj put a hand on his hips as he took a deep breath. Naisuklay n’ya ang isang kamay sa buhok habang marahas na pinakawalan ang hangin sa bibig n’ya.

He looked at me. Mariin n’ya akong tinitigan at napansin ko ang pag-igting ng panga n’ya. Para bang pinag-iisipang mabuti kung paano ipapaliwanag sa akin ang lahat sa madaling paraan.

He looked so different from me. I was in turmoil here. Gulong-gulo na ang isip ko. Samantalang s’ya ay mukhang kalmado pa rin. And it was making me even more frustrated that I knew I wouldn’t be able to collect my composure anymore.

He loosened his tie and opened the first button of his shirt. He took another deep breath and sighed harshly.

“Two families have been in a feud for such a long. Nobody tries to interfere between them ’cause that might start a war. I told you. We try to avoid bloodshed if we can,” he said. “But then there’s this one powerful family that agreed to marry off their only daughter to one of those families. If that happens, they will become stronger.”

I continued to stare at him. I didn’t know why he was telling me this.

“The other family was threatened, trying to stop the engagement. They became desperate to stop their enemy from getting stronger. That’s what happened at the party.”

Ilang sandali lang akong nakatitig sa kanya at hindi pa rin nagsasalita. I was trying to understand what he just said. I felt like he said it to me to explain what happened at the party but there were so many things on my mind that I had a hard time drinking in the words he said.

“Did someone… die?” I asked.

Serj shook his head.

“The gunshot was just a warning,” he said.

I frowned.

“A warning? For what?”

“To stop the wedding. It was their way of saying that if they still push through with the marriage, a war might break out.”

“Pero bakit sa after-party ni Irina ginawa?”

Serj took a deep breath.

“She was there earlier. The only daughter.”

I tried to take in my gasp as slowly as I could but I was too shocked by all the information that he was telling me. Did he really expect me to understand all of that? All at once? Serj must’ve thought too highly of me.

I know I was asking the questions but… could he at least take it slow? Hindi ko inaasahan ang lahat ng ’to. He didn’t even give me a warning about all of this.

I took a deep breath and released it slowly, trying to calm myself. Pakiramdam ko ay maiiyak na lang ako sa lahat ng mga nalalaman ko ngayon. Feeling ko nga rin ay isang masamang panaginip lang ’to at maya-maya ay magigising din ako. Hindi ko kasi talaga maisip na totoo ang lahat ng ’to. That there was something like this going on in this world and I didn’t even know about it.

I looked at Serj. He was waiting for me to say something. He was waiting for me to ask him another question and it seemed to me that he was ready to answer anything. He was ready to tell me anything and everything.

But only the worst things came to my mind. He’s a Mafia. And the boss even. That he’s killed people and he would still kill. I could imagine he had blood on his hand. It wasn’t even that hard to think as I already saw him holding a gun like it was nothing.

He took a step toward me and I didn’t mean to take a step back away from him. Nakita kong natigilan s’ya sa ginawa kong ’yon. He was surprised at nakita ko ang pagdaan ng sakit sa mga mata n’ya pero agad ding nawala na parang ayaw n’yang makita ko iyon.

“You’re scared of me,” sabi n’yang halos bulong na lang. Pero dahil tahimik sa buong kwarto ay rinig ko iyon. Malinaw ko ring narinig ang sakit sa boses n’ya na kanina lang ay ayaw n’yang makita ko sa mga mata n’ya.

I swallowed the lump in my throat.

“What did you expect me to feel, Serj, after all you’ve said to me?” Hindi ko na napigilan ang panginginig ng boses ko. “Hindi ito ’yung ine-expect ko nang yayain mo ’kong magpunta rito sa Russia. I thought that we would have a vacation. A normal yet happy vacation. Pero malayong-malayo ang nangyari sa lahat ng ’yon.”

Ramdam ko ang pagsisikip ang dibdib ko. I didn’t know why I was hurting. I didn’t know to whom I felt disappointed at. Kung sa akin ba dahil masyado akong umasa sa lahat, o kay Serj dahil nasira ang lahat dahil sa mga ipinagtapat n’ya sa akin.

I know I was being unfair to him. Ako itong umasa at nag-expect masyado na magiging maayos ang lahat. He was just being honest and told me the whole truth. But I just can’t stop myself from hurting.

“I wanted to get away from all of my problems pero hindi naman sa ganitong paraan,” my voice croaked.

His jaw clenched. Nakita ko rin ang pagkuyom ng mga kamao n’ya. He wet his lips with his tongue at hindi na n’ya naitago ang sakit sa mga mata n’ya.

“Do you regret coming here? With me?”

That’s not fair. It was not fair of him to ask that. Pakiramdam ko tuloy ang ang sama kong tao dahil parang iyon ang pinapalabas ko sa kanya. Pakiramdam ko ay mali ang mga nararamdaman ko dahil sa mga nalaman ko ngayon.

“No…” I felt so helpless. “Of course not. But… You should’ve told me everything when I asked you about your job. Inamin mo na sana lahat sa ’kin doon pa lang. Hindi ’yung kailangan pang mangyari ’yung sa party bago mo ipagtapat sa ’kin lahat. That would at least help me take everything slow. Inisang bagsak mo kasi sa ’kin lahat ngayon.”

Hinang-hina ang pakiramdam ko ngayon. But I tried to remain standing. I didn’t want to walk toward the bed again to sit. Ayokong mapalapit sa kanya. Pakiramdam ko ay mas lalo pa akong maguguluhan kung lalapit lang ako sa kanya. I think it would confuse me more because no matter what I’ve just found out about him, I still wanted to walk to him and hug him.

“I’m so confused right now. I don’t know what I should think. I don’t know what I should feel. Hindi ko na alam kung anong uunahin ko.” I sobbed. “I already know there’s something different about you. I just wasn’t expecting… all of this.”

I noticed it. The very first time I laid my eyes on him was when I saw him at Fuentebella’s house. Doon pa lang naman ay nahalata ko nang may kakaiba sa kanya. I should’ve expected something like this when I saw him.

That mysterious aura that he had. He always seemed ruthless and cold. He even admitted that there wasn’t any ounce of gentleness in him. That he doesn’t show any mercy. The dangerous air around him. And… the murderous glare when he’s angry as if it was easy for him to take someone’s life.

I should’ve had a clue right then. Hindi na sana ako naguguluhan at nasasaktan ng ganito.

“Do you… wanna go back?”

Halos hindi ko na marinig ang tanong n’yang ’yon. Para bang ayaw n’yang tanungin but he was giving me a choice. Which just hurt me even more as I know he wasn’t like this. He likes having his way. But right now, he was giving me a choice.

“No,” I said. Wala rin namang magbabago kung umuwi ako. Sa pagbalik ko ng Pilipinas, sasalubong din sa akin ang problemang iniwan ko roon.

“Then what is it that you want, Natalia? What do you want me to do? Just tell me.”

I stared at him. The desperationin his eyes was now visible. I bit my lower lip as it was so hard seeing him like this. Parang nakahanda s’yang gawin ang lahat.

“Can you… give me some time to think?” Mahina akong napatawa. “This is all too much for me.”

Tumango-tango si Serj kahit nakikita ko ang paghihirap sa kanya. Knowing him, knowing how he always wanted to spend time with me and how he always wanted me to be near him, what I just asked was hard for him too. But he still nodded.

“Okay… If that’s what you want.”

“Thank you…”

“I just have one last question I’d like to ask.”

Hindi ako nagsalita at hinintay lang ang sasabihin n’ya. His jaw clenched as he gritted his teeth as if he didn’t want to ask it but still wanted to know the answer.

“Do you regret meeting me?”

I bit my lower lip, trying to stop my lips from trembling. My eyes watered and I couldn’t take the pain in my chest when I heard his question. It hurt me so much pero alam kong mas doble ang sakit para sa kanya para lang tanungin ako noon.

That question was too much for us to bear. With that, it was as if he was also asking me if I was regretting letting him come into my life. Because I’ve got to know all of this. If I hadn’t met him, I wouldn’t be in this situation.

But… If I hadn’t met him, I wouldn’t have gotten to experience those things when I’m with him. I was happy with him. Happier than I’ve ever been in my life. If I hadn’t met him, I wouldn’t get to feel those strange yet wonderful emotions he made me feel.

“No,” I admitted.

He heaved a sigh of relief.

“Okay… When you’re done thinking…” He hesitated. “If you want to go back home, find Killian. I don’t think I could let you go myself.”

He put his hands inside the pockets of his pants. As if that would stop him from reaching out to me ’cause he didn’t want me to go back home.

“But… if you still want to be with me, after all that you’ve found out… I’ll just be around… waiting for you, Natalia.”

Hindi na ako nagsalita. Nanatiling nakatitig na lang sa akin si Serj na parang inaabangan pa kung may sasabihin ako. When he realized I wasn’t going to say anything anymore, he nodded. Nakita ko pa ang pag-aalangan n’ya bago tumalikod at naglakad.

I turned around before he could close the door. Hindi ko kayang tignan ang pag-alis n’ya. I didn’t want to think that it would be the last time I would see him.

Ilang sandali muna ang lumipas. I knew he was still standing by the door, waiting for me to do anything. I heard him sighing harshly before finally closing the door.

Saka ko lang pinakawalan ang hiningang kanina ko pa pala pinipigilan. All the strength left my body. As if they left with Serj too. I collapsed on the spot, sitting on the floor and I didn’t even move. Naramdaman ko ang muling pag-iinit ng sulok ng mga mata ko.

Everything I’ve just learned was too much for me to understand. Hindi ko alam kung ano bang dapat kong simulang intindihin at paniwalaan.

A Mafia… It felt so unreal. I only heard about them in the movies. Sa mga palabas na pinapanood ni Daddy as he loved watching action movies. In those shows, Mafias were violent, always the villain that needed to be punished… or killed.

I couldn’t even believe I’ll get to meet one. What’s more, a boss. The leader of a Mafia family.

So that’s what Serj was talking about when he said he had to go back here in Russia ’cause he left something about his work when we were having a vacation back in Siargao. Tungkol dito ang dapat n’yang ayusin. I didn’t even want to think what that problem was.

Kaya rin pala hindi makasagot nang deretso ni Serj sa twuing nagtatanong ako sa kanya tungkol sa trabaho n’ya. Tungkol sa business n’ya. He always just gave me brief answers. Never the direct answer.

I sighed. Just when I thought my life was getting better, it just became more and more complicated. I’ve found out all about this.

Why is this even happening to me? Hindi ba pwedeng… maging masaya naman ako? Iyong normal na saya? Walang halong gulo. Walang problemang komplikado.

I guess at least… I’ve got to experience happiness, even for a short while. With Serj.

Kaya totoo ang sinabi ko sa kanya kaninang hindi ako nagsisising makilala s’ya. I don’t think I would ever regret meeting him. Sa kanya ko lang naranasan ang kakaibang saya. Ang suportang kahit kanino ay hindi ko man lang nakuha. He made me feel that I’m smart and successful. He was proud. And he made me feel proud of myself too.

I will never regret the emotions and feelings I’ve felt toward him.

With all of this, with all that I’ve just learned, these feelings and emotions I have for him would be my salvation in this chaos.

Tinupad ni Serj ang pangako n’yang bibigyan ako ng oras para pag-isipan ang lahat. Hindi na s’ya nagpakita sa akin matapos ng huli naming pag-uusap na ’yon. Hindi ko rin naman sinubukang lumabas ng kwarto ko. Dinadalhan na lang ako ng pagkain ng… I think one of their men, as it was a man who’s always giving me food. Wala yata silang katulong na babae rito.

It’s been three days and I haven’t come up with a decision yet. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa rin mapaniwalaan ang lahat ng mga nalaman ko. I was being more and more frustrated as the days came by and I felt like I was just escaping to face reality.

I was even more frustrated with myself. Alam kong ako ang nanghingi ng oras para makapag-isip, but I couldn’t help longing for Serj. Most of the time, I just wanted to see him. I wanted to feel his warmth, to hug him. To kiss him.

But I stopped myself. Kahit na gaano ko s’ya kagustong makita, pinigilan ko ang sarili ko dahil hindi pa ako nakakagawa ng desisyon.

Hindi rin naman nagpapakita sa akin si Killian. I guess Serj gave him an order dahil sinabi n’yang hanapin ko lang si Killian kung gusto kong umuwi. He didn’t want me to see Killian in case that would push me to make that decision.

Napatingin ako sa pinto ng kwarto ko nang makarinig ng mga katok. It was different from those men that bring my food so I felt the excitement in me. Natawa na lang ako sa sarili ko nang ma-realize na ganoon ko nga talaga kagustong makita na si Serj.

Magkahalong gulat at disappointment ang naramdaman ko nang bumukas iyon at pumasok si Irina. I thought that she had already left. Hindi ko akalaing makikita pa s’ya rito ngayon. Para nga yatang dito rin s’ya naglagi mula ng gabi ng party na iyon at katulad ko ay dinalhan lang ng mga damit.

“Hi!” she greeted me as she entered the room. 

“Hi…” nakangiti pero nagtataka kong binalik ang bati n’ya. “You’re still here?”

“Yup!” She was smiling. “I was actually waiting for you to leave your room, but you haven’t, so I just thought I’d drop by here.”

“Is there something wrong?” nag-aalala kong tanong at mabilis naman s’yang umiling.

“Oh, no. Not at all. I just wanted to invite you. I’m thinking about going for a walk outside to get some fresh air, and I was wondering if you wanted to join me?”

I smiled at her. I liked how friendly she was. Saglit lang kaming nagkasama pero palagay na ang loob ko sa kanya when before, I was so nervous about meeting her as she was my idol and inspiration. Hindi ko akalain na madali s’yang pakisamahan.

I accepted her invitation. Lumabas kami at mukhang wala yata sina Killian at Serj doon. Naiwan lang ang mga nagbabantay sa amin na habang naglalakad kami ay ilang metro naman ang layo sa amin to give us privacy kaya hindi na rin ako masyadong nailang na may nakabantay sa amin.

I was glad Irina invited me for a walk though. Ang presko ng hangin. We were both barefooted as we walked on the grass field. Masarap sa pakiramdam ang mga maliliit na damo at nakakakiliti sa paa. It helped me relax after all the stress I’ve been having these past few days.

“Better?” nakangiting tanong sa akin ni Irina. That gave me an idea that she knew what I’m going through. Kaya rin siguro niyaya n’ya akong maglakad-lakad ngayon.

I smiled and nodded at her.

“Thanks.”

“If you want to talk or have someone to share with whatever you wanted to get out of your chest, I’m here, okay?”

That warmed my chest. It felt so good that Irina’s with me. At least, may kasama pa rin ako. And we’re both women. Hindi ganoong nakakailang sa pakiramdam dahil sa mga nagbabantay sa paligid. Kung ako lang mag-isa, baka nakadagdag stress pa ’yon sa ’kin.

“You knew about it already, right?” I asked. “About… who they are. Their work.”

Irina looked at me as she nodded. Tumingin s’ya sa harap. She took a deep breath as the fresh wind blew. Nilipad ng hangin ang buhok n’yang hanggang bewang. Iniipit ko naman sa likod ng tenga ko ang ilang hiblang nilipad rin ng hangin sa buhok ko.

“It was hard to believe it at first but… I accepted it pretty easily though,” she said. “I mean, I grew up here in Russian. I’ve heard stories about their them. On the streets. I think that helped me accept the truth sooner.”

Mahina s’yang natawa. Tinignan ko lang s’ya at sumasabay sa marahan n’yang paglalakad.

“Besides… they just seem so different.”

“They look dangerous,” I said.

“And frightening,” she seconded.

Nagkatawanan kami pagkatapos. Bahagyang gumaan ang pakiramdam ko roon.

“But… you still feel safe with them.”

Hindi ako nakapagsalita roon. Hindi ko rin naman kokontrahin ang sinabi n’ya. It was the truth anyway.

Nilingon ako ni Irina nang nakangiti. There was a kind look in her gray eyes.

“Right, Natalia?”

I looked at her. Ilang sandali bago ako tumango sa kanya. Her smile widened as she looked up at the sky.

“Kill told me so much about Serj. You know that he’s Russian-Filipino, right?” Tumango ako nang lumingon s’ya sa akin, confirming that I knew about it. “Serj struggled to gain the trust of his family and those who supported them because of that. Also, the fact that his mother abandoned him.”

Napatigil ako sa paglalakad. Nagulat sa sinabi n’ya. Napatigil din sa paglalakad si Irina at hinarap ako.

“He needed to prove to a lot of people, to all of them, that there wouldn’t be any problem if he became the head of the family. That he’s strong and not weak just because he doesn’t have pure Russian blood,” she continued. “So he did everything to show them that he’s a rightful heir. That the Romanov family would still be okay if he became the Pakhan , the Bratva’s boss.”

Napalunok ako pero nahirapan pa ako nang maramdaman ang bara sa lalamunan ko. Hindi ko napigilan ang sakit na unti-unting nagpaparamdam sa dibdib ko habang nakikinig sa kwento n’ya.

“Killian did everything to support him too, you know. So, no one would dare to question Serj’s authority,” Irina said. She was smiling. “Serj proved to them that he’s strong, ruthless, merciless, and powerful. And he succeded.”

“He did?” rinig ko ang pagkabasag ng boses ko.

Nakangiting tumango sa akin si Irina.

“Yes! The Romanov family became one of the most powerful families in the Russian Mafia. Serj made that possible on his own, without the help of other families when he could just marry a Mafia princess to gain the trust and support of another family.”

“He could do that?” Hindi ko nagustuhan ang isiping iyon na mukhang nahalata naman ni Irina dahil natawa s’ya sa expression ko.

“Of course. But he didn’t even consider it. I guess he already has someone he wanted to marry.”

She gave me a knowing smile. Inaasahan n’yang maiintindihan ko ang gusto n’yang iparating sa huling sinabi n’ya.

I took a deep breath. Naninikip kasi ang dibdib ko. Sa sakit, sa relief, sa halo-halong mga emosyon.

“Natalia…” Irina took my hands and held them. “I’m not trying to make Serj look good though. I’m actually with you as I understand how you feel. But… I think you should know about this. Serj surely wouldn’t tell this to you too.”

She squeezed my hand and gave me an encouraging smile.

“I hope you’ll soon be able to find the answer you’ve been looking for.”

I squeezed her hands back and returned her smile.

“Thank you, Irina…”

“You’re welcome.”

Binitiwan n’ya ang isang kamay ko. She was holding my hand when she started walking again. Sinabayan ko s’ya sa paglalakad n’ya.

“So…” Napalingon s’ya sa akin nang magsalita ako. I gave her a knowing smile. “You and Killian?”

Agad s’yang napasimangot at nawala ang magaang tingin sa mga mata n’ya. She rolled her eyes.

“Oh, please!” may inis sa boses na sabi n’ya bago binitiwan ang kamay ko at inunahan ako sa paglalakad. Natawa na lang ako.

I’m thankful for Irina. I think I can now make a decision.

Chapter 36

WARNING: R18

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I was looking for someone. Nang makapagdesisyon na rin ako sa wakas ay agad ko s’yang hinanap. I didn’t want to waste any second. That’s why the first thing I did in the morning after I fixed myself was to look for him.

But I couldn’t find him anywhere. Wala akong makitang kahit anino nina Killian at Serj sa safe house. Puro lang mga nagbabantay sa paligid ang nakikita ko na mukhang nakakatakot din ang itsura but once I’ve talked to them, they seem nice naman. And ’yung palaging naghahatid sa akin ng pagkain, he doesn’t usually smile pero magaan ang tingin n’ya sa tuwing nakikita ako.

I sighed when I couldn’t find Serj and Killian after I’d looked everywhere. Kahit sa labas ay wala so I figured they went somewhere again. Ever since I’ve learned about the truth, mas naintindihan ko kung bakit parang palagi silang may inaasikaso. Lalo na si Serj.

Dahil wala rin naman akong magawa, I decided to spend my time with Irina. Since we’re both designers, halos tungkol doon lang ang naging topic namin.

Irina told me her story, which I already knew since I read her interview at some magazine that featured her works. Pero hinayaan ko pa rin s’yang magkwento dahil iba pa rin kung maririnig ko iyon mula sa kanya.

“You took some time off,” I said when I remembered that part in her life. “I was afraid that you wouldn’t come back. I’m happy you did. You inspired me.”

Irina gave me a melancholic smile which made me wonder about the reason why she suddenly vanished from the fashion industry but came back again after some years. Hindi n’ya sinabi ang dahilan kahit nang makabalik na s’ya at interview-hin s’ya tungkol doon.

“Well…” She shrugged. “That was the lowest moment in my life. I even thought I wouldn’t be able to get back up but… Here I am again.”

I smiled at her.

“I’m really glad you did though. I have got to meet you. You’re amazing.”

“You’re the amazing one,” she argued with conviction. “Imagine? A Mafia boss fell in love with you? I mean, look at Serj! He’s terrifying! When Killian was just telling me stories about him, I already felt that he was dangerous. And when I’ve seen him?”

She shuddered. Niyakap pa n’ya ang sarili n’ya just to emphasized to me how she got scared when she met Serj.

“Huh…” was all that I could say.

Gusto ko sanang sabihin na parang mas grabe pa nga si Killian. I think I won’t be able to recover from what he said to me the first time we met. When he gave me the warning not to get in Serj’s way.

But then… Irina has a point. Serj really has that dangerous and mysterious aura. ’Yung isang tingin pa lang sa kanya, alam mong hindi s’ya dapat banggain at kailangang iwasan if you value your safety. Iyon naman ang ginawa ko noong una. Sadya nga lang yata mas malakas ang atraksyon ko para sa kanya noon kaya hindi ko s’ya tuluyang naiwasan.

And now… that attraction just grew deeper. It grew into an intense feeling.

Kahit nang gumabi na ay hindi ko pa rin nakita kahit anino ng dalawang lalaki. I was already in my room, ready to get some rest. Pero hindi pa rin ako mapakali kaya dilat na dilat pa rin ang mga mata ko. Nang hindi ko na nakayanan ay bumangon na ako sa kama.

I didn’t want this day to end just like that. Nakapagdesisyon na ako at ayoko nang magsayang pa ng oras. I feel like I have to do this now.

I put on my robe over my nightgown and went outside to look for him again. It was so quiet. Sa palagay ko ay tulog na rin si Irina but when I looked outside the glass wall, I saw men doing rounds. Hindi ko tuloy mapigilang isipin kung natutulog pa ba sila.

I went down and I was already feeling hopeless that I wouldn’t see him. Pero nawala iyon at nagkaroon ulit ng pag-asa sa dibdib ko nang makita si Killian na mukhang kararating pa lang habang pababa ako ng hagdan.

“Killian!”

His gaze immediately darted on me. Nagulat pa nga ako dahil parang alam n’ya kaagad kung nasaan ako nang tawagin ko s’ya. He stopped walking. Pinanood n’ya lang ako sa mabilis kong pagbaba ng hagdan hanggang sa makalapit na ako sa kanya.

I took a deep breath when I was finally in front of him. Medyo hiningal kasi ako sa pagmamadaling bumaba dahil baka bigla s’yang mawala. I don’t know. I have the feeling that he was doing it on purpose.

Killian just stared at me. He was waiting for me to say something. I know that Serj already told him that I would find him in case I wanted to go back home. Kaya nga alam kong sadyang hindi s’ya nagpapakita sa akin.

But he still wasn’t saying anything even though he already knew why I would look for him. He wanted me to say it myself. His dark eyes were scary. Halatang hindi n’ya gustong makita ako sa harapan n’ya ngayon. Parang may gagawing hindi maganda kung sakaling hindi n’ya magugustuhan ang sasabihin ko.

Huh… Why does it seem like Killian wouldn’t let me go home otherwise? Na hindi n’ya ako hahayaang makaalis dito kahit pa sinabi naman ni Serj na s’ya ang hanapin ko kapag gusto kong umuwi? Killian gave me a warning not to get in Serj’s way. That also means that he would do everything his boss says and wants, right?

Halos matawa ako sa sarili ko. That would be impossible. Serj gave me a choice, right? Siguro ay naiisip ko lang ang mga ’to dahil hindi talaga ako palagay sa presensya ni Killian. Hindi rin nakatulong na alam ko nang parte sila ng Mafia.

But I willed myself to stare back at him. Sinalubong ko ang tingin n’ya.

“Where’s Serj?”

He stared at me for a while.

“Why are you looking for him?” he quietly asked.

“I think we both know why, Killian.”

Hindi kaagad s’ya nagsalita at nanatili lang ang titig sa akin. He still looked creepy especially in this dark living room with just a faint light illuminating his face. Pero hindi ako nag-iwas ng tingin sa kanya. It was like he was judging me too anyway. Like this was a test.

“May I assume that you’re here in front of me asking me where my boss is ’cause you can’t find him?” he asked. Tumango ako. “Not because you wanted me to take you back home?”

Mabilis akong umiling sa sinabi n’yang ’yon. I heaved a deep sigh and smiled at him.

“I just wanted some time to think. Kahit isang beses, hindi sumagi sa isip ko na umuwi sa Pilipinas. I don’t want to leave.”

“Even after you found out what we are?” he challenged.

Deretso ang tingin ko sa mga mata n’ya nang umiling ako.

“My feelings for him are greater than my fears though,” I said.

With that, his expression softened. Nawala ang nakakatakot na tingin sa mga mata n’ya. As if he accepted something in me. As if I just passed the test that I wasn’t aware he just gave me.

“He’s in his room, madame . The one beside yours,” he said.

I smiled at him.

“Thank you!”

Mabilis ko s’yang tinalikuran at halos patakbo ulit umakyat ng hagdan. I didn’t know that Serj was using the room beside mine. I didn’t even know that he came back here already. Hindi talaga s’ya nagparamdam sa akin. Tinupad n’ya talaga ang kagustuhan kong magkaroon ng oras para makapag-isip.

Huminto ako sa harap ng pinto ng kwarto n’ya at huminga muna nang malalim. I don’t know why I suddenly feel nervous. Parang bigla ay gusto kong magbihis ng maganda at mag-ayos na muna bago magpakita sa kanya. It feels like this would be the first time I’ll get to meet him even after all we did. Like we already had a hot and hard sex and now I’m acting like this?

I took another deep breath hoping that it would ease my nervousness. Inalala ko na lang na hindi ko na gustong mag-aksaya ng oras at matapos ang araw na ’to nang hindi kami nakakapag-usap. So, bago pa ako muling makaramdam ng kaba ay kumatok na ako ng tatlong beses sa pinto ng kwarto n’ya at marahan iyong binuksan.

It was dark inside the room. The only thing that illuminated the room was the faint light from the moonlight coming in through the glass wall. May lalaking nakatayo sa harap ng glass wall at nakatalikod sa akin. I could only see his silhouette. He was wearing a dark polo shirt tucked in his pants. Nakarolyo ang sleeves hanggang sa siko n’ya. He was holding a glass of whiskey with his right hand while the other was inside the pocket of his pants.

I tried to drink in the scenery in front of me first. Naalala ko iyong eksena sa Siargao. Halos ganito rin iyon. He was standing against the moonlight I could only make out his silhouette. But both of the scenes looked like a painting. A mysterious and lonely painting. Yet it was beautiful and perfect.

Nang tuluyan akong makapasok sa kwarto at isinara ang pinto sa likod ko ay saka lang humarap sa akin si Serj. Shadow was casting over him ’cause he was standing against the light. I couldn’t see any emotion on his face, which made him appear dark and mysterious. In the dim light, his blue eyes appeared to glow.

“Serj…”

Kahit na kinakabahan ay nilakasan ko ang loob ko at naglakad palapit sa kanya. I wanted to get near him despite the fear and nervousness in my chest. Kahit na s’ya ang dahilan ng nararamdaman kong ’yon, alam kong s’ya lang din ang kayang magpawala noon. His presence always calms me and makes me feel comfortable too.

Tumigil ako sa harapan n’ya. He was just staring at me with his icy gaze. I suddenly longed for those moments where I could see intense emotions in his eyes.

I flashed him a soft smile.

“Can I sleep here? Beside you?”

Nakita ko ang bahagyang pag-angat ng sulok ng mga labi n’ya. His lips barely looked like he was smirking. But the soft and mischievous glint in his eyes told me that he understood what I meant with his words.

Inilapag n’ya ang whiskey glass sa ibabaw ng bedside table bago lumapit sa akin. Ipinulupot n’ya ang isang braso n’ya sa bewang ko at hinila ang katawan ko palapit sa kanya. I gasped when I finally felt his body warmth again, when I finally smelled his familiar scent again. I never thought that I missed him so much like this.

Ang isang kamay n’ya ay lumapat sa gilid ng leeg ko. His thumb brushed my cheeks gently. As if he was afraid that his touch would hurt me. Titig na titig s’ya sa akin at halos malunod ako sa nakikita kong sari-saring emosyon sa mga mata n’ya.

That’s right. I missed seeing those in his eyes.

“You’re going to stay with me?” tanong n’yang hindi pa rin inaalis ang tingin sa mukha ko.

Tumango ako at inilapat ang mga palad ko sa dibdib n’ya. I could feel his heartbeat against my palm. And it was enough to mask the fear I felt for him.

“Yes, Serj.”

“You’re not afraid of me?”

I bit my lower lip. Naramdaman ko ang pag-iinit ng mga mata ko.

“I’m scared, Serj,” pag-amin ko sa kanya. “Of course, I’m afraid. I’m not used to what you’re doing. To who you are. Your world is so unusual for me.”

My heart ached admitting those words to him. Lalo na nang makita ko ang sakit sa mga mata n’ya. But there was understanding in them too that hurt me even more.

“But I’ll be more terrified in a life without you, Serj. Mas natatakot akong mawala ka sa ’kin kaysa layuan ka dahil lang nalaman ko ang lahat tungkol sa ’yo.”

Nakakaunawa s’yang tumango sa akin. Halos maiyak naman ako roon. Muli kong kinagat ang pang-ibabang labi ko nang manginig iyon.

I knew what I said hurt him. But he was still trying to understand me.

“It’s alright, Natalia…” His voice was soft and quiet. Magaan na magaan ang paghaplos n’ya sa pisngi ko. “You don’t have to accept everything about me. It’s okay if you’re afraid of me. Your fear is proof that you’re really looking at me. That you are not looking away. That you are not running away from what is true. It’s fine as long as you stay with me.”

Tumulo na ang luha sa mga mata ko. There was sadness in his voice but the look in his eyes was full of love.

“That’s what I want, Natalia… I don’t want you to pretend that you’re not afraid of me when you really are just to make me feel better and avoid hurting me. I don’t want you to lie. I don’t want you to look away at this side of me. I just want you to look at who I really am. So, it’s okay if you feel scared.”

I nodded. He wiped the tears off my cheeks. My heart was aching for him. It feels like he wanted this for so long. That someone would finally look at him and recognize the fear they feel for him because of what he is. Because of his world. As if he wanted someone to admit they’re afraid of him instead of pretending that they’re not afraid of him just to protect him from being hurt.

’Cause for him, that’s just running away from the truth. ’Cause he didn’t want someone to run away from his truth.

And I understand… Kung ako rin naman, mas gugustuhin kong malaman ang takot na nararamdaman nila lalo na kung importanteng tao sila sa akin. I didn’t want them to keep on lying just to avoid hurting me when I could see the truth in their eyes anyway. It would hurt me more.

I smiled at Serj. Ikinawit ko ang mga braso ko sa batok n’ya at hinila s’ya para maglapit ang mga labi namin. Ako na ang unang humalik sa kanya. I wanted to let him know that I’m here in front of him. That I’m not looking away and avoiding the truth about him.

I didn’t know how but I could taste the loneliness and pain on his lips. Muling bumuhos ang luha sa mata ko. I kissed him more and pulled him close to me.

Mabilis na tinugon ni Serj ang halik ko. My heart felt full when I felt his hot and wet mouth against mine. I could tell how he felt about the way he kissed me. How he missed me even if he could see me anytime he wanted but still chose to give me the time I asked from him.

Naging mapusok ang paraan ng paghalik n’ya. A moan had escaped from my lips. Mas idinikit ko ang katawan ko sa kanya at humigpit ang pagkakapulupot ng mga braso ko sa batok n’ya. I pulled him closer. My breast pressed against his chest and I could feel his warmth dahil sa nipis ng nightgown ko.

Naramdaman ko ang pagdiin ng kapit n’ya sa batok ko. His other hand caressed my back, pulling my body closer to him as well. He bit my lower lip. ramdam ko ang gigil n’ya at mas naging mapaghanap pa ang mga labi n’ya. Like he was getting back to those days where he didn’t get to kiss me. And I knew, I knew we wouldn’t end up with just a kiss tonight.

Then, all of a sudden, his hold on me changed. It became gentle. His hand went back to caressing my cheeks. It was so gentle that his rough hand felt ticklish against my soft skin. His kiss turned gentle too. As if he was taunting me. Teasing and encouraging me to do what I wanted.

Saglit akong humiwalay sa kanya para makita s’ya. I felt hot when I saw his swollen lips due to the kiss we just shared. I stared into his eyes. Nakita ko roon ang emosyong pinipigilan n’yang kumawala na ramdam ko rin naman sa paraan ng paghawak n’ya sa akin.

His thumb caressed my lips. Kusang umawang ang mga labi ko sa ginawa n’ya.

“I want to make you feel good, Serj…” I said while staring intently into his eyes. So, I saw the fire that ignited inside. His jaw even clenched.

“You don’t have to do anything, Natalia,” sabi n’ya kahit na iba ang sinasabi ng mga mata n’ya. “Let me do all the work.”

Umiling ako. I already knew he was someone who wanted to have his way all the time, especially in bed. I’ve got to experience how dominating he was during those times.

But he’s a man. And I don’t know why but men seemed to love that thing.

That’s why I wanted to do it. I wanted to make him feel good. I wanted to assure him that I’ll stay with him. That I could see all of him. That I won’t ever look away from him.

“I still want to,” I said. “It’ll be my first time and it won’t feel that good but… I want to do it.”

For a moment, parang biglang gusto kong umatras. I knew that some women had already done that to him too. It will be my first time and I won’t be as good as them. But… I can learn.

Nakita ko ang muling pag-igting ng mga panga n’ya. His eyes were intense as he stared at me and I felt the heat with just his gaze. As if he was already imagining me doing it to him.

Dumiin ang daliri n’yang humahaplos sa labi ko. He inhaled a sharp breath and with that, para bang naputol ang pagpipigil n’ya. He inserted his thumb in my mouth and I welcomed it with my tongue.

“Fuck,” he hissed.

I swirled my tongue before I sucked his thumb. He pushed his finger in and out my mouth as I did my work. Ramdam ko ang gigil na pinipigilan n’ya dahil dumidiin ang mga daliri n’yang nasa panga ko.

I held his wrist with both of my hands and sucked his finger while looking at him. He stopped moving his finger as I bobbed my head while still sucking his thumb, swirling my finger as I do so. Lahat ng ’yon ay ginawa ko nang hindi hinihiwalay ang tingin ko sa kanya kaya kitang-kita ko ang pagkawala ng pagpipigil n’ya.

“Goddammit!” he cursed as he pulled out his thumb. His other hand grabbed my hair on the back of my head before he pulled my head and kissed me roughly.

Napaungol ako nang muling maglapat ang mga labi namin. His kiss was harsh and rough now. He kissed me hard on the lips. Ang kamay n’ya ay sumasabunot na sa buhok ko.

He inserted his tongue in my mouth and tasted every corner. Sinalubong ko ang dila n’ya. Our tongues played but before he could take the lead, I pulled away and kissed him down on his jaw.

I unbuttoned his top. May pagmamadali sa mga kilos ko. Serj took off my robe as well and it fell down on the floor. Pagkatapos ay tinulungan n’ya rin ako sa paghuhubad ng polo n’ya at nang magawa ay inihagis n’ya na lang iyon kung saan.

My lips went down on his neck. I felt him suck a breath at mas ginanahan ako sa ginagawa ko. I love how he reacted to every touch of my skin in him.

I licked the part of his neck in a circular motion before I sucked his skin. He let out a curse in his language. Napangiti ako bago bumaba ang mga labi ko sa balikat n’ya, pababa sa hubad n’yang dibdib.

“Fuck, Natalia…” I heard him moan when I licked his nipple.

Oh, my God… His moan added pleasure to me. He sounded so sexy. May init akong naramdaman mula sa puson ko, pababa sa pagitan ng dalawang mga hita ko.

Inilapat ko ang mga palad ko sa dibdib n’ya at bahagya s’yang itinulak hanggang mapaupo s’ya sa dulo ng kama. Pinagpatuloy ko ang ginagawa ko. I licked his other nipple and I felt his hand fisted the hair on the back of my head.

I kissed my way down his stomach, licked his abs and I felt his muscle constricted. I started to unbuckle his belt and pulled down his pants together with his underwear.

My breathing hitched when I finally got to see his erection. Ngayon lang ako nagkaroon ng pagkakataon na mas matitigan iyon. I was kneeling in front of him. His legs spread wide to make space for me. Kaya naman kitang-kita ko ang pagkakalaki n’ya.

He was really big. And long. I couldn’t imagine that this was inside me before. Na nagkasya ang ganito sa akin. I squeezed my thighs together when I suddenly remember the feeling of his cock inside me.

Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. I looked at Serj and found him already staring at me. Mabigat ang mga titig n’ya. His jaw was clenching sa matinding pagpipigil. His eyes looked at me as if he was challenging me.

I didn’t want to back down. Kahit na wala akong ideya kung paano gawin ay gumalaw ako. I held his cock, wrapped my hand on t. It was so big at hindi iyon kaya ng buong kamay ko. I stared at his cock. Sinimulan kong igalaw ang kamay ko at hinimas iyon pataas-pababa. I stroked his shaft with my hand.

I heard Serj inhaled a sharp breath. Napatingin ako sa kanya at saktong nakita ko ang paglunok n’ya. Pinagpatuloy ko lang ang ginagawa ko dahil mukha naman s’yang nasisiyahan. I could even feel his cock twitching against my palm. I squeezed it lightly before I lowered my head and licked the tip.

“Fuck!”

Agad akong napatigil nang marinig ang malutong na pagmumura ni Serj. Muli akong napatingin sa kanya sa takot na baka nasaktan ko pala s’ya. But when I saw so much lust and desire in his eyes, I knew I was doing the right thing.

So, I did it again. I licked the tip of his cock and swirled my tongue on the head. I could taste his precum and it just added to the lust I was already feeling. He tasted sweet. My other hand caressed his thigh. Ramdam ko sa palad ko ang pinong mga balahibo sa hita n’ya.

I licked the length of his cock. It was so long. I heard his heavy breathing as I finally put his cock inside my mouth.

God, he was really big. My mouth stretched as I tried to slide more of him inside my mouth. I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing. My teeth grazed his length and I heard Serj let out a series of curses in his language. Agad ding napasabunot ang mga kamay n’ya sa buhok ko pero hindi naman gumalaw. Sumabunot lang doon.

I tried to take in more that I could. He was long at alam kong hindi ko kaya ang lahat ng ’yon. So, I started to bobbed my head. Ang hindi ko na naaabot na parte ay hinawakan ko na lang. Sabay ng paggalaw ng ulo ko ay ang pagtaas-baba ng kamay ko.

“You have a mouth perfect for cocksucking,” Serj hissed. Napaangat ang tingin ko sa kanya at nakita kong titig na titig s’ya sa akin.

I sucked his cock at nakita kong napatingala s’ya. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He looked beautiful. I felt beautiful and sexy that I could make him react this way kaya mas pinagbuti ko pa ang ginagawa ko. Mukhang tama naman ang ginagawa ko dahil nararamdaman ko pang napapaangat ang balakang n’ya.

“You’re doing such a fucking good job with your slutty mouth, Natalia,” he hissed.

I smiled to myself. He looked back at me and he was breathing heavily now. He was also gritting his teeth so hard. Parang may pinipigilan. But the more he watches me sucking his cock, the more he couldn’t stop himself from taking over. Nakita ko ang pagkawala ng pagpipigil n’ya.

He held both sides of my head, stopping me from moving. He stared intently into my eyes. His blue eyes were full of lust.

“I’m going to fuck your mouth, Natalia.” I shivered with his words. He took my hands and placed them on both of his thighs. “Just tap if you want me to stop.”

He stood up without letting go of my head. His cock was still inside my mouth. I was looking up at him and he stared down. I saw the flame engulfed in his eyes before he shoved his cock deep into my mouth.

Nabigla ako sa ginawa n’ya at napakapit sa mga hita n’ya para suportahan ang sarili ko. There was no gentleness as he thrust his hips. He really started fucking my mouth. Rough. Deep. Hard. His cock reached the back of my throat and I fought the urge to gag.

I was looking at him and I saw how much he loved it. Napatingala pa s’ya. So, I tried to last long. Humigpit ang pagkakakapit ko sa mga hita n’ya at doon kumuha ng suporta. My eyes teared up but I didn’t stop him.

His pace quickened. Dinig ko rin ang mahihinang ungol n’ya at kung minsan ay nagmumura pa. Mas naging marahas ang paggalaw n’ya. He looked down at me and I saw the love in his eyes before he made one last rough and hard thrust.

He exploded in my mouth. He grunted as he shot his loads in my throat. I tried to swallow his cum and sucked him dry before he finally pulled out his cock.

Hinihingal si Serj habang nakatitig sa akin. I stared back at him and I saw raw emotions in his eyes. Nakakalunod. Nakakatakot dahil palagay ko ay hindi na ako makakaahon pa sa kanya.

He held my arms and guided me to stand up. Muli s’yang umupo sa dulo ng kama, taking me with him. I sat on his lap, straddling his waist. He buried his face in my neck and planted a soft kiss there.

“I won’t ever let you go, Natalia,” he whispered against my skin. “You’re mine. You’re all fucking mine.”

Chapter 37

WARNING: R18

---

Hindi ko na namalayan kung gaano katagal kaming nanatili ni Serj sa ganoong pwesto. His face was still buried on the hollow part between my neck and shoulder, trying to catch his breath. Paminsan-minsan ay nararamdaman ko ang magagaang mga halik n’ya sa balat ko. His hot breath was making me feel ticklish na nagpapadagdag sa init na nararamdaman kong hindi naman nawala kanina pa.

I hugged him, pulling his body more to me. I could almost feel his heartbeat against the thin cloth I was wearing. Wala na rin namang silbi ang nightgown na suot ko sa sobrang nipis noon kaya ramdam na ramdam ko ang init ng hubad n’yang katawan sa akin.

I gently brushed my fingers on his hair. Humigpit ang pagkakapulupot ng mga braso n’ya sa bewang ko. I didn’t complain. I wanted this. I wanted the feeling of his strong and hard body against mine. I wanted the feeling of his warmth against my skin.

I wanted this peace I’m feeling when I’m with him. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Kaya rin siguro kahit natatakot ako tungkol sa mga nalaman ko sa kanya, mas pinili ko pa ring manatili sa tabi n’ya. Na kahit na inamin n’ya sa akin ang ilan sa mga nagawa n’ya ay isinantabi ko pa rin ang takot. ’Cause I don’t think I would be able to find this peace again with anyone. Or anything. He was the only one who gave this to me.

He was the only man I felt this intense feeling growing in my chest. It was scorching hot whenever I’m with him but growing more intense when I’m not with him. And no amount of fear could extinguish it.

I guess… This is how it feels when you’re in love with someone. You’re willing to love not just what you can see of them at the moment, but you’re also embracing their past and future too, no matter how much it scares you. And that you’re willing to be with them despite all the fears and anxiousness, as long as you’re with them. 

“Serj…”

“Hmm?”

Bahagya akong humiwalay sa kanya para titigan ang mukha n’ya. Our faces were a few inches apart as I stared into his eyes. I could still see the desire in his eyes and I almost shivered at how intense he looked but I stopped myself. I could also feel it poking between my thighs and I’ve been trying to ignore it till now.

“I need you to promise me something,” sabi ko bago pa ako mawala na naman sa katinuan dahil sa nakikita ko sa mga mata n’ya.

“What is it?”

“Promise me…” Hinaplos ko ang buhok n’ya. “That if there’s something I need to know about you, or anything… I want to hear from you first. Gusto ko sa ’yo ko mismo unang maririnig. Hindi sa kung sino pa ’yan. Ayoko rin maulit na kailangan pang may mangyari muna before I got to know the truth about you.”

He didn’t say anything. Nanatili lang ang titig n’ya sa akin. Huminga ako nang malalim dahil ramdam ko na namang nalulunod ako sa paraan ng tingin n’ya sa akin.

“I want you to be honest with me, Serj,” I said as I traced his eyebrows with my fingers, down to the bridge of his nose. “Gusto kitang mas makilala pa. You don’t have to worry naman since I’ll try to understand. Iintindihin ko ang mga bagay tungkol sa ’yo.”

Bumaba na ang paghaplos ko sa mga labi n’ya. I traced the outline of his lips and caressed his lower lip. Napangiti ako nang bahagyang umawang ang mga labi n’ya bago ko s’ya mariing hinalikan.

Automatic naman na mas idiniin pa ni Serj ang mga labi n’ya sa akin. Ang isang kamay n’ya ay sumabunot sa buhok ko at mas humigpit pa ang yakap n’ya sa bewang ko. Wala akong magawa kundi ang mapaungol na lang.

Huh… What should I do? I think I’m getting addicted to his lips. Hindi ko na talaga yata kakayanin ang mapalayo sa kanya.

I ended the kiss then looked at him again. He was staring at my lips as if he couldn’t get enough of the kiss we just shared.

Napangiti na lang ako. But there’s something I need to tell him. It’s been trying to get out of my chest. Pakiramdam ko ay sasabog ang dibdib ko kapag hindi ko pa sinabi sa kanya.

I cupped his face with my hands and made him look at me. Hindi naman ako nabigo. I stared intently into his eyes, trying to tell him of the unsaid words. Gusto kong makita n’ya rin iyon sa mga mata ko. Like how I could see the emotions in his eyes when they are getting intense.

And maybe, I succeeded. Hindi na naalis ang tingin n’ya sa akin at naging seryoso ang mga mata n’ya. His forehead creased a bit as if he was confused. And then there it was. I saw recognition in his eyes.

I smiled at him.

“I want to know more about you, Serj. I want to know more about the man I’m falling in love with.”

His face softened, as soft as I’ve ever seen. As if he became relaxed for the first time in his life. And there was this unexplainable glint of happiness in his eyes. As if he already got what he wanted and wouldn’t ask for more.

Ang kamay n’yang nasa likod ng ulo ko ay magaang dumantay sa gilid ng leeg ko. His thumb caressed my cheeks. Tuluyan na akong nalunod sa pagmamahal na nakikita ko ngayon sa mga mata n’ya.

I like him more when he’s like this. I like him more when he shows me his emotions. Dahil alam kong hindi s’ya madalas nagpapakita ng emosyon. He’s not showing his emotions to other people. Sa akin lang. And I like him when he’s cold and emotionless to anyway.

I love everything about him.

He let out a satisfied sigh.

“Goddammit, Natalia,” he said with a chuckle. Napapangisi pa. “You make me the happiest. I don’t know what I’ll do anymore without you.”

I grinned at him.

“I’m feeling the same, Serj.”

Hinapit n’ya pa ang katawan ko palapit sa kanya. He kissed the tip of my nose and then both of my cheeks before his lips went down on my jaw. He kisses his way to my ear and I let out a soft whimper when he lightly bit my earlobe.

“I told you before that I’m a greedy and selfish man, Natalia…” he whispered. Humahaplos na ang kamay n’ya sa leeg ko. “You’re fucking mine and I don’t share what’s mine. If I could only lock you up in this room so that no one would take you away from me, then I would fucking do it. If I could only do something so you won’t ever think of leaving me, then I’d do whatever it is.”

I bit my lower lip when his lips went down my neck. He left hot and wet kisses on his trail. I even craned my neck, encouraging him to do more. Napapikit ako sa sensasyong ibinibigay n’ya sa akin.

“But that thought would only stay in your mind. ’Cause now that I own you, you won’t be able to get away from me anymore. Not after all of those things I did to make you mine.”

“What?” I asked ’cause I couldn’t understand what he meant. My mind was already clouded with my desire for him. Nag-iinit na ng sobra ang katawan ko. Pakiramdam ko ay inaapoy na ako ng lagnat.

I felt him smirk against my skin before he nibbled it. I cried in pain. Or was it a moan? I don’t know. Everything in me was already focused on his lips and the way he caressed my body.

Ang kamay n’yang nasa bewang ko ay humahaplos na ngayon sa hita ko. Napapaliyad ako sa tuwing lumalapit ang paghaplos n’ya sa parte ng katawan kong nasa pagitan ng mga hita ko. Pero hindi n’ya itinutuloy at agad ding binabalik ang paghaplos sa hita ko.

“Should I tie you down to my side so you won’t think of leaving me?” he asked. He was now kissing my shoulder blades. Ang manipis na strap ng nightgown ko ay nahulog na sa braso ko, almost exposing my breast to him. “I think I’m sick, Natalia…”

His lips went down and planted a wet kiss on the exposed skin of my breast, just above my nipple. I shivered when I felt his tongue licking my skin in a circular motion. It tickles but it also made me hot.

“Oh, God!” I moaned when he thrust his hips. His cock grazed the part between my thighs. And even though there was still a thin lace between our skin, I could already feel how hard he was. A soft whimper came out of me when I thought that I was doing this to him.

Bahagya s’yang humiwalay sa akin para matitigan ako. I didn’t know how I looked. My lips parted as I was trying to breathe through my mouth. I think I was panting. Tinignan ko s’ya and I saw how his eyes darkened as he watched my expression.

Then he thrust his hips again. Malakas akong napaungol at napahigpit ang kapit ko sa mga balikat n’ya when I felt his cock rubbed against my lace underwear, just against folds. His hand that was just caressing the side of my neck was now holding it, angling my head to have a better look at my face.

“But then… I think it would be nice if people would see this erotic face. Let them know how you react with my cock,” he said as his hold of my neck tightened. “What should I do, Natalia? Do you want that, huh? Tell me.”

“Serj…” napapaungol na lang na sagot ko. Hindi na ako makapag-isip pa ng matino. I feel so hot. There was something in me that wanted to explode.

“Hmm?” His tone was demanding. As if he was expecting me to say something different.

“Sir…” I gasped.

He chuckled. He looked so satisfied na nakuha ko kaagad kung anong pinaparating n’ya.

His hand that was caressing my thigh slid on my inner thigh. He slightly parted his thighs. At dahil nakaupo ako sa kandungan n’ya ay bahagya ring bumuka ang mga hita ko. Now, he had more access so he took that chance to touch my folds that have been wanting his attention for some time now.

Nahigit ko ang hininga ko nang maramdaman ang mga daliri n’yang naglumikot doon. May nakapagitan pa ring manipis na tela roon pero ramdam na ramdam ko ang bawat galaw ng mga daliri n’ya. I could feel every stroke of his fingers, every touch, and every move. Bumaon ang mga daliri kong nakakapit sa mga balikat n’ya dahil hindi ko na makayanan ang sensasyong ibinibigay n’ya sa ’kin.

“You’re soaking wet, love…” he said with a chuckle. But when I looked at him, his blue eyes dilated with desire. There was also a seductive smirk on his lips. Para bang natutuwa dahil nalaman n’ya kung anong epekto n’ya sa akin.

He parted my panties to the side and directly touched my folds this time. Malakas akong napaungol sa ginawa n’ya. I wanted to bury my face on his neck ’cause I couldn’t take the look in his eyes as he watched me react to his touch. But I couldn’t do it as his hold on my neck was firm, keeping me from moving my head. Hindi n’ya ako nilubayan ng tingin habang patuloy lang sa paggalaw ang mga daliri n’ya.

“Ah, yes…” he breathes. “My fucking obsession.”

Napapaliyad ang likod ko sa ginagawa n’ya. He rubbed my clit and I yelped with the sudden surge of sensation that rushed through my body. I was already panting. Hindi na sapat ang hangin na nakukuha ko. I breathe through my mouth kasabay ng sunod-sunod na pag-ungol ko. I still couldn’t believe I could let out such erotic sounds like this. As if I was in pain but wanted it otherwise.

I couldn’t stop myself. I grind my hips when I can’t get enough. The feeling inside me that’s been wanting to explode became more intense. Mas naging mapaghanap ang katawan ko. Parang may hinahabol. May gusto akong maabot pero hindi ako pinagbigyan ni Serj.

He withdrew his fingers and I groaned in frustration. He chuckled and bit my earlobe. He was clearly teasing me. If he was trying to make me go insane by not giving me enough, then he was clearly succeeding.

“Serj, please…” I said, almost begging him.

“What do you want, Natalia?” he asked.

Huh… I forgot he’s like this. Hindi n’ya ibibigay ang gusto ko kapag hindi ko sinabi sa kanya. And he would only give it to me if he’s satisfied with my answer.

I looked at him. The desire and pleasure I felt were already clouding any embarrassment I should have felt. Isa pa, mukhang mababaliw na talaga ako kapag hindi n’ya pa ibinigay sa akin ang gusto kong maramdaman.

“Make me come,” I breathe, staring intently into his eyes. “Make me come with your cock, sir.”

He smirked, obviously satisfied with my answer.

“Can I fuck you bare again?” he asked. “I want to feel you directly.”

I nodded. Damn it. I want it too. Just that thought was enough to make me explode.

His smirk widened. Ang isang kamay n’ya ay bumaba sa likod ko para suportahan ako. While his other hand held his shaft, his fingers pushing my underwear aside as he guided his erection to my entrance.

Inangat ko ang balakang ko. I looked down, wanting to see how our bodies would become one again, how his shaft would enter me again. But the moment I felt the head pushing through the entrance, napatingala ako.

I bit my lower lip, trying to stop myself from crying when I felt how he entered me inch by inch. My insides stretched at how big he was. Sa palagay ko ay hindi masasanay ang katawan ko sa laki at haba ng kanya.

“Oh, my—” I gasped when he thrust his hips and I took all of him inside. “God!”

“Fuck!” Serj cursed. Ang dalawang mga kamay n’ya ay mariing humawak sa balakang ko.

Hindi muna ako gumalaw. Nanginginig ang katawan ko sa muling pag-iisa ng katawan namin. I almost cried out in relief when he was finally inside me, making me feel full. Na para bang sa buong panahon ay may kulang sa akin at sa ganitong paraan lang ako nabubuo. And he was the only one who could make me feel complete.

Ramdam ko ang pagbaon ng mga daliri ni Serj sa balat ko. He was holding me so tight and I knew that would leave a mark again. I don’t care anyway. I like to see his marks on my skin. It was proof of how much he wanted me that he lost control of himself.

Mas humigpit pa ang kapit n’ya nang iangat ako balakang ko bago s’ya umulos. I cried when he pulled out, leaving me empty inside. Pero mahaba ring napaungol nang maramdaman ang muling pagpasok n’ya. Sinubukan kong sabayan ang paggalaw n’ya. But Serj is Serj. He always wanted to be in control.

He held my hips firmly, preventing me from moving as he thrust his hips. Wala na akong nagawa kundi ang tanggapin ang binibigay n’ya at napapaungol na lang lalo na nang maging marahas ang galaw n’ya.

“Serj… Serj…” I was chanting his name. I sobbed. Hindi lang ang loob ko ang pinupunan n’ya, he was also making my heart full.

I wasn’t aware that my breasts were now fully exposed to him if I only I didn’t feel his warm mouth as he inserted one of my nipples inside. Mas lalong lumakas ang pag-ungol ko. Or am I crying already? I don’t know. Pakiramdam ko ay nababaliw na ako.

Hinubad ko ang straps ng nightgown sa balikat ko. Naipon iyon sa bewang ko. Parehong hindi na namin binigyang pansin ni Serj ang damit ko.

I cried in pain when he bit my nipple lightly. Pero agad ding napalitan ng masarap na pakiramdam nang pumaikot ang dila n’ya roon. He sucked my breast hard as he thrust his hip forcefully. Dinig na dinig ko ang bawat ingay ng ginagawa n’ya sa buong kwarto.

Ang mga kamay ko ay sumabunot sa buhok n’ya. I kissed his hair when I couldn’t take my emotion anymore.

“I love you…” I whispered. “I love you, Serj.”

Napatigil si Serj sa ginagawa at napaangat ng tingin sa akin. Surprised was in his eyes. Hindi ko alam kung bakit kailangan pa n’yang magulat when I’ve already told him earlier that I was in love with him.

But still, I kissed him on the lips. I smiled when I looked at him again.

“I love you so much, Serj,” naiiyak kong sabi sa kanya dahil hindi ko na kinakaya ang emosyon sa dibdib ko.

He cursed. Malutong s’yang nagpakawala ng mura at parang kumawala na rin ang pagpipigil n’ya. He kissed my lips hard. Halos magdugo na ang mga labi ko pero hindi ako nagreklamo. Ramdam ko rin ang mariing pagsabunot n’ya sa buhok ko at ang paghila n’ya para mas mapatingala pa ako.

Huh… I love his roughness. I love his gentleness. I love everything he does.

“Fuck, Natalia!” mura n’ya bago mariing kinagat ang labi ko. I gasped in pain as I tasted my own blood.

He thrust his tongue inside my mouth. Marahas n’ya akong hinahalikan nang buhatin n’ya ang katawan ko at inihiga ako sa kama. He did that without pulling himself out and I love the feeling of our connected bodies as he moved.

Tumigil s’ya sa paghalik sa akin. He put my legs on his shoulders and thrust his hips roughly. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang pagbaon n’ya dahil sa posisyon namin, kahit ang bawat paghugot n’ya. He bit the skin on my leg and I cried out in pain.

Hindi ko na kinakaya. I knew I was already near. The feeling inside my tummy grew more intense. Gustong-gusto nang kumawala. At pakiramdam ko ay mababaliw na ako kapag hindi ko pa naabot iyon.

“Serj… I’m gonna come,” I said. It almost came out as a whisper.

Ibinaba ni Serj ang mga binti kong nakapatong sa balikat n’ya. He held my hips and pulled me close to him before his moves became rougher. Sinasagad n’ya hanggang dulo ang bawat pag-ulos n’ya at wala na akong magawa kundi ang mapaungol na lang.

My hands clenched on the sheets. I looked up when I felt out of breath but Serj took a chance to choke me. Dumiin ang mga daliri n’ya sa leeg ko. I felt lightheaded so when my orgasm finally exploded, I almost fainted with the intense sensation.

My body jerked so much as I let out my release. Gusto ko sanang makabawi agad ang katawan ko pero hindi ko na magawa nang mas maging mabilis pa ang pag-ulos ni Serj. Mas naging marahas pa ang bawat paggalaw n’ya that I knew after this, my body would be aching all over again.

I heard Serj let out a grunt. And I knew, based on his suppressed moans and groans, he was also near. I just watched as he moved above me, planting in my mind how he looked so sexy and godly with his every thrust.

He made one hard thrust before he finally pulled out and shot his warm loads on my stomach. Bumagsak ang katawan n’ya sa ibabaw ko pagkatapos. We were both panting, trying to catch our breaths after that intense lovemaking we just shared.

Niyakap ko ang hubad n’yang katawan sa ibabaw ko. I brushed his damped hair with my fingers as my other hand trailed the muscle on his back. Gustong-gusto ko talaga ang pakiramdam ng katawan n’ya sa akin. His body felt so strong and firm. As if I would be entirely safe when I’m with him and no danger would come to me.

Napangiti ako nang maramdaman ang malakas na tibok ng puso n’ya dahil sa pagkakadikit ng mga katawan namin. Nakakakiliti rin ang bawat pagbunga n’ya ng hangin na nararamdaman ko sa leeg ko dahil nakabaon ang mukha n’ya roon.

“Natalia…” his voice sounded lazy and hoarse.

“Hmm?”

I felt him plant a soft kiss on my neck before he hugged my body tight.

“Do you want to meet my father?”

Chapter 38

My hands were shaking. As well as my knees. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko pa nakakayanang tumayo kahit na nanginginig ang mga tuhod ko. My heart was beating so fast against my chest. Feeling ko, anumang oras ay mahihimatay na ako sa sobrang kaba.

I said yes when Serj asked me if I wanted to meet his father. I mean, I really wanted to meet him anyway. I’m curious about the man. Buong buhay ko ay kilala ko na si Tita Tessa, who is Serj’s mother, and Serj got none of her traits. So, I’m assuming na maraming namana si Serj sa dad n’ya.

But then, if Serj already has this dangerous aura around him, what more of his father? If Serj’s already ruthless and powerful that the Romanov family became one of the most powerful families in the Mafia, paano pa kaya ang ama n’ya na s’yang nakasama n’ya buong buhay n’ya? He was the former head!

Naisip ko lang ang mga bagay na ’yon ngayong nandito na ako sa harapan ng main house ng mga Romanov. Serj told me that here is where most of their family gatherings always happen. Kaya naman inaasahan ko na talagang malaki iyon, mas malaki pa sa bahay n’ya na unang pinagdalhan sa ’kin nang makarating kami rito sa Russia.

The house has a traditional design. It was an old house but just renovated over the years to keep it steady kahit ilang taon pa ang lumipas. But there was still its elegance. And I don’t know how but even the house has its mysterious aura giving those vibes that whoever living in this house is an influential family.

The outer walls were painted brown and the window panes were white, while the roof was painted black. It was definitely a mansion, sa lawak at laki ba naman. May malawak ring bakuran na sa hula ko ay doon ginaganap ang mga family gathering na nabanggit sa akin ni Serj.

“Let’s go?”

Napatingin ako kay Serj na kanina pa tahimik na nakatayo sa tabi ko habang hinahayaan lang akong pagmasdan ang kabuuan ng bahay nila. He was looking at me. At first, he looked as if his face was void of any emotion but I knew better. ’Cause when I looked at his eyes, I saw a hint of worry in them. Parang nag-iingat na hindi ako madaliin.

Mas lalo tuloy akong kinabahan. Ganoon ba kagrabe ang ama n’ya at parang handa pa nga s’yang ilayo na lang ako roon kung sakaling sabihin ko man iyon sa kanya? He knew he could make me do what he wanted anyway if he really wanted me to meet his father, knowing how dominant and controlling he is. Pero mukhang wala sa plano n’yang ipilit sa akin iyon.

Did he not want me to meet his father? Dumodoble lang tuloy ang kaba ko dahil sa concern na nakikita ko sa mga mata n’ya! Na para bang matatakot ako sa oras na makaharap ko ang ama n’ya!

As if he knew what I’m feeling exactly right now, he reached for my hand. Pinagsiklop n’ya ang mga daliri namin at marahang pinisil ang kamay ko.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be with you,” he assured me.

He said he’ll be with me. Wala rin bang assurance mula sa kanya na hindi naman nangangain ng tao ang ama n’ya at wala talaga akong dapat na ikabahala?

I took a deep breath and squeezed his hand back. The warmth of his hand was enough to ease my nervousness. A bit. Ngumiti na lang ako sa kanya at tumango na.

“Let’s go,” I said.

We’re here anyway. Wala nang magagawa ang kaba ko. Isa pa, sa tingin ko ay ginagawa rin ’to ni Serj ’cause I told him I wanted to know more about him. He was introducing me to the life that he’s been living.

And I’m actually thankful. Hindi n’ya ipinagkait sa akin na malaman ang iba pa sa buhay n’ya, even when I told him that I’m afraid of the fact that he’s a Mafia.

With my trembling knees and Serj’s hand holding mine, I gathered my courage and walked as Serj guided me inside the house. The outside of the house already looked traditional, mas lalo na sa loob. There was so much antique furniture and displays all around that I had to be careful with my moves. Knowing how rich the Romanov family is, I know each antique would probably cost more than my life.

I didn’t get to appreciate the house as I was really nervous and Serj guided me upstairs. We went to the veranda. It was so wide that it gave me the vibes of a Victorian tea party. Lalo pa at nakita ko roon ang isang coffee table at may apat na upuang magkakaharap. Sa isang upuan ay nakaupo na ang isang lalaki. He wasn’t facing our way but at the scenery in front of the house.

Mas lalo akong kinabahan. Kahit hindi pa man kami nakakalapit ay ramdam na ramdam ko na ang presensya ng lalaki. Parang kinakalaban ang presensya ni Serj na nasa tabi ko. And I knew at that time that I was already looking at the former head of the Romanov family. The previous Pakhan of the Mafia.

Napahigpit tuloy ang kapit ko sa kamay ni Serj. He noticed it and he squeezed my hand again for an assurance, as if telling me that he was with me. At sapat na ’yon para hindi ako panghinaan ng mga tuhod.

“Dad,” Serj called the attention of his father nang tumigil kami ilang hakbang mula sa pwesto n’ya.

I stared at the man. His short-cropped hair was all white. He was wearing navy blue Armani suit. naka-de kwatro s’ya at ang isang kamay ay may hawak na tasa. He sipped his tea, still not looking at us.

“ Valkov bayatsa – v lyes ni hadit ’,“ he muttered. He put down the cup on the table before he stood up and finally faced us.

Napatulala ako. The resemblance was too strong! He was definitely Serj’s father. The blue eyes, the harsh features of their face. Halos magkasing-tangkad na rin ang dalawa, although Serj was taller. Ang mahahalatang pinagkaiba lang nila ay ang mga labi at paraan ng tingin sa mga mata nila. This man’s eyes were looking at me with kindness. He was also smiling gently at me. He had wrinkles on the corner of his eyes dahil umaabot hanggang doon ang mga ngiti n’ya.

I wasn’t expecting those actually. He was the former Mafia head, right? Inaasahan ko pa nga na mas… malupit s’ya kay Serj. After all, he was the one who took care of Serj. He was the one who taught him things about their family, on what he should do.

There was still that mysterious aura in him and the authority pero hindi ganoong kagrabe katulad nang kay Serj na unang kita ko pa lang noon ay nanginig na ang buong kalamnan ko.

But still, I didn’t want to know anything about the mysterious aura that I felt from Serj’s father.

He looked at Serj beside me. His smile turned even more tender as he spread his arms.

“Ah, my son… Come here.” He chuckled.

Sinunod naman ni Serj ang sinabi n’ya. His father hugged him and tapped his back. Nakita ko ang katuwaan sa mga mata ng tatay n’ya nang pakawalan s’ya. It was obvious that he was happy to see his son.

Napangiti ako kahit na medyo nagulat ako sa nakita. I wasn’t expecting that Serj’s father would be showy about his affection for his son. I was expecting that I would face someone who looked cold, who wouldn’t show any emotion on his face, who would look at people with disgust and disapproval in his eyes.

Huh… I should probably forget the things I’ve learned in the movies about the Mafia. Dahil kasi roon kaya iba ang expectation sa kanila. I felt bad for thinking the worst about Serj’s father.

They both talked in Russian. Nakatayo lang ako roon, walang naiintindihan sa pinag-uusapan nila. Maybe I should try and learn the language?

I heard Serj’s father chuckle with whatever his son told him. Nang tignan ko naman si Serj, he wasn’t smiling but his eyes seemed relaxed. Nagulat pa ako nang bigla s’yang lumingon sa akin.

“Dad, I brought my girl with me,” Serj said and I felt his hand on the small of my back. “This is Natalia Gonzales.”

I stilled. Napaderetso pa ako ng tayo, nabigla sa agad na pagpapakilala ni Serj sa akin. I smiled, hoping that my nervousness wouldn’t show.

Nabawasan naman ang kaba ko dahil sa nakitang pagyakap ng ama ni Serj sa kanya. So, I got the impression that he’s not a bad father.

“Nice to meet you, sir,” I said and I was glad that I didn’t stutter. I even offered my hand for formality.

Nakita kong napalingon kaagad sa akin si Serj. Sa gilid ng mga mata ko ay napansin ko ang pagkakakunot ng noo n’ya. I didn’t look at him kahit na nagtataka ako kung bakit parang may sinabi akong hindi n’ya yata nagustuhan.

Serj’s father chuckled when he glanced at his son. He was smiling when he looked at me and accepted my handshake. He shook it firmly.

“It is nice to finally meet you. Call me Aleksandr, please.”

To finally meet me? Napatingin ako kay Serj, nanghihingi ng paliwanag pero nakatingin lang s’ya sa akin, mukhang walang planong liwanagan iyon.

So… Serj already mentioned me before to his father? Naikukwento n’ya ba ako sa ama n’ya?

“Ah, right. Before I forgot.” Pareho kaming napatingin ni Serj sa aman n’ya. “Son, we have a visitor and I would like you to talk to him. You’re now the head of the Romanov family so I don’t know why he even went here.”

“Dad,” the disapproval was evident in his voice. “I can’t leave Natalia.”

“It’s alright. I’ll try to entertain her as much as I can.” Aleksandr looked at me. “I hope you wouldn’t mind if this old man would be in your company while my son tends to our family business.”

Family business. It’s about the Mafia, right?

“Oh, no. Not at all,” sabi kong mabilis pang umiiling. I looked at Serj. “I’ll be okay.”

Ilang sandaling nakatitig lang sa akin si Serj. Halatang ayaw akong iwan doon kasama ang ama n’ya. But I think it wouldn’t be right if I’ll be with him as he attends their Mafia business. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin n’ya but I think he had to talk with someone. Hindi naman pwedeng nandoon ako.

“Sergei. Go and talk with our visitor.”

I stiffened when I heard that cold and strict voice from Aleksandr. Napatingin pa ako sa kanya. He was smiling but his stance screamed with authority. Walang kahit sinong gugustuhing sumuway sa tonong ginamit n’ya. Kahit hindi naman ako ang sinabihan n’ya noon ay parang gusto ko na lang din sumunod.

Huh… Walang duda. He’s definitely Serj’s father.

Mukhang nahalata rin ni Serj iyon. He took a deep breath and sighed. Napipilitang lumapit s’ya sa akin at hinalikan ang tuktok ng ulo ko para magpaalam.

“I’ll be right back,” he said before he reluctantly walked away.

Bumalik sa akin ang kaba ko nang maiwanan ako kasama ang ama ni Serj. Parang gusto ko na lang din na sundan s’ya dahil alam kong sinadya ng ama n’yang paalisin s’ya roon para makausap ako ng sarilinan. I had to keep reminding myself that nothing bad would happen to me. As long as I don’t get in their way… I guess?

Nang tignan ko si Aleksandr ay nandoon na ulit ang magaang ngiti sa mga labi n’ya pero hindi pa rin nabawasan ang kabang nararamdaman ko.

“Shall we take a seat?” he said. Mabilis akong tumango. Bumalik s’ya sa pagkakaupo at umupo naman ako sa upuan sa harap n’ya.

Agad na may lumapit sa aming lalaki. He was a server, I think? Naglagay kasi s’ya ng tasa sa harap ko na may lamang tsaa. I suddenly wondered if all of their servers were men?

I sipped on my tea. Nanginig pa ang tasa habang hawak ko iyon, proof that my hands were shaking. Bumalik lang kasi ang tindi ng kabang nararamdaman ko kanina ngayong wala na si Serj.

“I see that my son is happy with you.”

I looked at Aleksandr. Kasalukuyan n’yang ibinaba ang tasa sa harapan n’ya matapos humigop ng tsaa roon. Nang tumingin s’ya sa ’kin ay wala akong nabasang emosyon sa mukha n’ya. I tried to gulp that nervousness that was slowly eating me.

I need to relax.

“Can I assume that you already know about our family?” he asked.

Huminga muna ako nang malalim bago sumagot.

“Yes,” sagot kong nakatingin nang deretso sa mga mata n’ya. “Serj told me about it.”

“And yet you’re here.”

I tried to stop myself from biting my lips. Wala naman akong narinig na masamang tono sa sinabi n’ya. He was just stating a fact and said it out loud.

But still, hindi ko mapigilang isipin na parang ayaw n’yang nandoon ako. I was just probably overthinking it since I was really nervous as hell right now.

“I never wanted this for him. But he is my only son. It’s his fate. But I never wished to put him through so much.”

Hindi ako nakapagsalita dahil nagulat ako sa sinabi n’yang ’yon. I never thought that he would confess something like that to me. Lalo na nang makita ko ang lungkot at panghihinayang sa mga mata n’ya. There was so much regret in his eyes.

He looked at the scenery in front of us. Suddenly, the man in front of me looked old. Nagpakita ang katandaan n’yang hindi ko nakita kanina. He was still handsome despite his age. A dignified man. Pero sa mga oras na ’yon, ang nakikita ko lang ay isang amang nalulungkot para sa anak.

“He’s been through so much just to prove himself to the family. I had to be strict and harsh to him to train him so people wouldn’t look down on him. It was painful to see my own son suffering because of the family.”

I took a deep breath. Unti-unti kasing naninikip ang dibdib ko. Hindi ko man alam kung anong pinagdaanan ni Serj noong bata pa s’ya pero sa nakikitang kong lungkot at sakit sa mga mata ng ama n’ya, ramdam kong hindi magaganda ang mga iyon.

I didn’t want to but I suddenly felt envious of Serj. It was obvious that his father loved him. Alam kong alam din naman iyon ni Serj dahil nakita ko ang paghanga at respeto n’ya para sa ama kanina habang magkausap sila. I even think he didn’t harbor any grudge for his father because of what he got to experience.

“I think Serj already knew what you feel,” I said. “It might be an unpleasant experience for him but I think he knew that you did it for him. That’s why he grew up as a good man.”

Aleksandr smiled at me.

“Still, I wanted him to have a normal life.” He sighed. “Serj got afraid of rejection so he did everything so the Romanov family would accept him as the head. He got afraid ’cause his own mother already rejected him when she left him. Alam kong nasaktan ang anak ko sa pang-iiwan ng ina n’ya pero hindi n’ya pinahalata.”

I was surprised when he suddenly talked in Tagalog! Hindi ko kasi inaasahan na marunong s’ya! I mean, nakakaintindi rin naman si Serj pero hindi s’ya masyadong marunong magsalita sa lenggwaheng iyon. So, it really surprised me that his father could speak the language so well!

Mukhang nagpakita ang gulat sa mukha ko dahil mahinang natawa ang ama ni Serj sa naging reaksyon ko.

“Pinag-aralan ko ang lenggwahe para sa ina ni Serj. Pero mukhang hindi sapat ang lahat ng meron ako at lahat ng mga ginawa ko para sa kanya.”

“You didn’t try to win her back?”

He let out a soft chuckle. It was so soft na parang hindi n’ya gustong gawin. I even heard the hint of pain in his voice as he chuckled.

“We already have a son. I promised her that she didn’t have to worry that we are part of the Mafia as she will be protected as my woman. I loved her. She never gave this life a chance. So, why would I still have to try to win her back when all of those and yet, she still chose to leave? To leave our son?”

Hindi ako nakapagsalita. I didn’t know what to say. I also get his point. Gusto ko mang pigilan pero nakaramdam ako ng galit dahil sa ginawa ni Tita Tessa.

“Pero siguro sa akin nakuha ni Serj na nakahandang gawin ang lahat para sa babaeng mahal namin,” he said. “I did try. I was even willing to do everything to take her back but when I saw that she already has a new family, tinanggap ko nang lalaki si Serj na hindi kasama ang ina n’ya. I just focused on my son. I even tried to fill the absence of his mother in his life. But I guess… I wasn’t enough. So, he did everything to be accepted by the people in our Mafia family.”

His eyes turned serious. His face even darkened. For a moment, I think I saw how he was when he was still the head of the Romanov family.

“If you can’t accept this kind of life, it’s better if you leave my son now. He already experienced a lot of rejections. Iwan mo na s’ya hangga’t maaga pa.”

I stared back at him. I didn’t back down. Parang himala ring nawala ang kabang nararamdaman ko kanina. Napalitan iyon ng pagiging determinado. I wanted to prove to this man that I wouldn’t be like Tita Tessa. That I wouldn’t leave Serj because of his life. Because of the fact that he’s a Mafia.

I wanted him to accept me for his son.

“I’m actually afraid,” I said. “Ibang-iba ang buhay na ’to sa nakagisnan ko. This is a whole new world for me, actually. And if I would have to be honest, I didn’t want this kind of life.” I looked at him and made sure that he would see the determination in my eyes. “But I won’t leave Serj because of this. I love him so much that a life without him scares me more than the truth that he’s a Mafia. And I’m choosing him over my fears.”

Aleksandr stared at me. Hindi s’ya nagsalita at nanatili lang ang titig sa akin. Wala naman akong mabasang emosyon sa mga mata n’ya. Pero hindi ako nag-iwas ng tingin. Pakiramdam ko kasi ay hinahanap n’ya ang katotohanan sa sinabi ko.

I didn’t lie. Palagay ko rin ay malalaman n’ya kung nagsisinungaling ako pero wala naman sa plano kong gawin iyon. Mas malakas ang kagustuhang kong patunayan sa kanyang hinding-hindi ako tutulad kay Tita Tessa na iniwan ang anak dahil sa buhay na mayroon sila.

There might be a time that it would be dangerous for me pero gusto ko pa ring makasama si Serj despite the danger. He gave me so much. I didn’t want to lose this happiness. Pakiramdam ko ay hindi ko na ’to mahahanap sa iba.

Nakita ko ang unti-unting pagguhit ng ngiti sa mga labi ni Aleksandr. He looked at me with gratefulness in his eyes.

“Thank you,” he said. “Thank you for choosing my son.”

Nahihiyang napangiti ako.

“Wala naman po kayong dapat na ipagpasalamat.”

Hindi nabawasan ang ngiti sa mga labi n’ya. Mukhang natuwa pa nga sa sinabi ko.

“If there’s something you want, just tell me,” he said. “I would give it to you. whatever that is.”

“Hala, hindi naman po kailangan.”

“Do you want your own vineyard? You can start a wine business.”

Huh? What’s that now?

Umiling ako.

“You’re too generous but I have to decline.”

My goodness. Vineyard? Wine business? Napakayaman naman pala talaga nila na at parang candy lang ’yon na inalok n’ya sa ’kin!

“I insist,” Serj’s father said. “If you didn’t like starting a wine business, then just tell me anything you want. I want to show you my token of appreciation for making my son happy.”

“Hindi n’yo naman po kailangang bumawi.” Ano ba ’to? I’m feeling a lot of pressure!

He chuckled. Mukhang nahalata n’ya nang nape-pressure ako kaya magaan s’yang ngumiti sa akin.

“My apologies. It’s just the Mafia blood in me. We always repay anything we receive. Especially if it’s out of kindness,” he said. “In the future, if there’s anything you will need, remember it. I’ll be at your service.”

Tumango na lang ako para matapos na kahit wala naman akong planong hingin ang tulong n’ya.

“Thank you, Aleksandr.”

He smiled.

“Serj’s taking a lot of time. Why don’t you go and check on him?”

Napangiti ako at tumayo na. Gusto ko na ring makita si Serj. I wanted to see him after what I’ve just heard from his father.

“I guess I’ll do that.”

“It was nice talking to you, Natalia,” he said when he stood up. He offered his hand and I accepted his handshake.

“It was nice meeting you, Aleksandr.”

Chapter 39

As I walked around the house to look for Serj, I realized my mistake. I should’ve asked Aleksandr where his son might be. Hindi na sana ako parang naliligaw ngayon habang nag-iikot sa buong bahay. The house was big, probably might be because it was the main house of the Romanov where they used to stay before.

I sighed. May bigla tuloy akong naalala habang hinahanap pa rin si Serj sa buong bahay. That time when I looked for him too back in his house. I discovered that weird hallway behind that door between the two stairways.

Now that I think about it, maybe that was where Serj held their meetings that might be related to the mafia business. Naalala kong nakarinig pa ako ng mga nag-uusap sa isang kwarto just before Killian went out and found me.

Huh… I think I now understand kung bakit pinaalis agad ako ni Killian doon. Back then, I didn’t know yet about them being a Mafia. He didn’t want me to find out about it dahil hindi pa nasasabi sa ’kin ni Serj ang tungkol doon.

Then… may ganoong room din kaya dito? And something like a secret hallway? Nandoon kaya si Serj ngayon?

Before I could get the chance to look for that kind of room, nakasalubong ko ang lalaking naghatid ng tsaa sa akin kanina nang makausap ko si Aleksandr. He was looking at me while walking. Siguro dahil nagpakita sa mukha ko na may kailangan ako sa kanya while I was approaching him.

“Hi!” alanganin ang ngiti ko nang tumigil sa harap n’ya.

He didn’t say anything, just looked at me. Mukhang inaabangan kung anong sasabihin ko at lumapit ako sa kanya. I couldn’t see any emotion in his eyes kaya hindi ko maiwasan ang makaramdam ng kaba.

Goodness. Are they all like this? Dapat sigurong sanayin ko na ang sarili ko na ganitong mga tao ang nasa paligid ko ngayong napagdesisyunan kong manatili sa tabi ni Serj.

They weren’t doing anything bad to me, at all. In fact, they seemed to want to help me in any way. But there’s still that unearthly vibe in them that made me feel they’re dangerous.

I took a deep breath. Pinanatili ko ang ngiti sa mga labi ko.

“Have you seen Serj?” I asked. Trying to sound as casual as I could. “I’ve been looking for him everywhere but you see… I haven’t found him yet.”

He smiled politely.

“He’s in the office, madame .”

I gave him an awkward laugh.

“I don’t know where that is. Sorry.” Now that I’ve said it out loud, I felt so dumb. Hindi talaga ako magaling sa paghahanap.

But the man in front of me just gave me a patient smile.

“Follow me, madame . I’ll bring you to him.”

Iyon nga ang ginawa ko. Nakasunod lang ako sa likuran n’ya hanggang tumigil s’ya sa harap ng pintuang hindi ko naman nakita kanina kahit anong paghahanap ang ginawa ko. We stopped in front of it and the man faced me.

“He’s inside,” he said and I smiled at him.

“Thank you.”

The man politely bowed at me before he went away. Napatitig ako sa pintuang nasa harap ko. Nag-aalangan akong buksan iyon dahil baka makaistorbo ako. But then, sinabi naman sa akin ni Aleksandr na puntahan ko na si Serj so I think it’s okay?

Huminga muna ako ng malalim at kumatok ng tatlong beses bago binuksan ang pinto. Parang bigla ko yatang gustong tumakbo paalis nang sabay-sabay na mapalingon sa akin ang tatlong taong nasa loob.

Serj was standing behind his desk. His hands were inside the pockets of his pants. Nahuhulaan kong nakatalikod s’ya kanina at humarap lang nang buksan ko ang pinto. I saw Killian standing a few meters away from Serj. He was leaning on the wall. He was looking at the man sitting on the chair in front of the desk before he finally looked at me.

Napatingin ako sa lalaking nakaupo sa upuan na nasa harapan ng desk. I figured he was the visitor. He was wearing a tux and his hair was all white because of age. Lumiwanag ang mukha n’yang kanina ay nakitaan ko ng pagkabigo nang makita ako.

I grimaced. Obviously, I interrupted them while they were in the middle of something. Ramdam na ramdam ko kasi ang tensyon kahit hindi pa man ako tuluyang nakakapasok sa loob ng kwarto.

“Is it a bad time?” nakangiwi kong tanong. Handa nang isara muli ang pinto pero hindi ko na nagawa nang biglang tumayo ang bisita at nagmamadaling lumapit sa akin.

“ Madame !“

I was surprised when the man held both of my hands and even pulled me inside the room. Napahakbang ako ng ilang beses paloob pero tumigil din dahil sinubukan kong bawiin ang mga kamay ko. But he was holding my hands firmly that I started to feel scared.

He was saying something but I couldn’t understand a thing as he was talking in Russian. Still, I heard the urgency and pleading in his voice.

“W-wait—”

Hindi ko na natuloy ang sasabihin ko nang may humakbit sa braso ng lalaki at inilayo s’ya sa ’kin. Naramdaman ko kaagad ang pagkagat ng kamay ni Serj sa braso ko at inilagay ako sa likuran n’ya.

“Killian!” His dominating voice thundered in the entire room and all the hairs on my nape stood up. Mukhang hindi lang ako ang natakot doon dahil natigilan din ang lalaki.

I heard Killian chuckle as he approached the man.

“You made the biggest mistake touching the woman, Baranov,” he said. “Let’s go.”

The man said something in Russian. Mukhang nagrarason pero may sinabi rin si Killian sa ganoong lenggwahe bago tumingin ang lalaki kay Serj at sa ’kin. He then sighed and went with Killian as he guided him outside.

Serj turned to look at me as soon as Killian closed the door. Hinawakan n’ya ang mga kamay ko para suriin iyon. There was a frown on his face as he checked my hands and my arms thoroughly. As if he was looking for a sign that I got hurt.

“Are you okay?” he asked when he didn’t see any marks from me. Natatawang iniunat ko ang nakakunot n’yang noo.

He’s being protective, huh?

“Yup,” I said and smiled at him to prove my point. “Nabigla lang ako but I’m okay.”

He stared at me. Hindi pa yata naniniwala sa akin. Napalabi ako at bumuntong-hininga na lang.

“Who was that anyway?” I asked instead. “Why did he act like that? Hindi ko naman naintindihan sinabi n’ya.”

I saw his jaw clenched. Nag-alala tuloy akong baka hindi n’ya nagustuhan ang pagtatanong ko tungkol doon. After all, I’m not a Mafia. I thought that maybe I didn’t have any right to ask about it since I’m an outsider.

But Serj sighed. Hinigit n’ya ako palapit sa kanya at niyakap.

“He’s someone who wanted to do business with me. To have the Romanov backing them up.” I felt him caress my back. His hold was soothing but I thought he was doing it for himself. “That wouldn’t be the only time you’ll see someone like him. There will be a lot of them in the future. As I am the head of the Romanov.”

I didn’t know why but it sounded like a caution to me. As if he was telling me I would have to deal with someone like his visitor again in the future if I chose to stay with him. Ramdam ko rin ang kaunting tensyon sa katawan n’ya dahil yakap n’ya ako.

Did he really think I would get discouraged and lose my heart just because of what happened? Just because of what his visitor did? After all that I’ve learned, he should’ve expected me that it would do me nothing anyway. Nasabi ko na ngang natatakot ako nang malaman ko ang pagiging Mafia n’ya pero nanatili pa rin naman ako sa tabi n’ya.

I sighed and hugged him back. Ipinatong ko ang baba ko sa dibdib n’ya nang tingalain ko s’ya.

“What business is he offering you?” I asked.

Serj looked down at me. May nakita akong kakaibang emosyon sa mga mata n’ya habang nakatingin sa akin. The kind of emotion that makes both of us happy.

“Prostitution,” he said. “Masked as firearm smuggling.”

Natigilan ako. Huh… That made me scared and… confused. Hindi ko inaasahan na ganoon ang sasabihin n’ya dahil nga salungat ang nakita kong emosyon sa mga mata n’ya kanina lang.

But then the look in his eyes turned serious. Alam kong nahalata n’ya ang pag-aalala sa mukha ko.

“He originally wanted to talk with my dad about it, knowing the history with my mother. He must’ve thought my father hates women so he would agree to it.” Unti-unti humihigpit ang yakap n’ya sa bewang ko. “But I am now the head of the family. Everything will go through me.”

Nanatali akong nakatitig sa kanya. I was nervous as I tried to read his thoughts, to wait for something on his face that would give me a clue about what decision he had made. But I failed. Magaling talaga silang magtago ng emosyon.

“Did you… accept it?” kinakabahan kong tanong.

Serj stared at me. Sa bawat segundong lumilipas na nakatitig lang s’ya sa ’kin ay mas lumalala ang kaba ko. I couldn’t breathe properly.

I… I don’t know. I think it would change something between us if… if he’ll tell me the answer I didn’t like to hear.

Umangat ang isang kamay ni Serj at hinaplos ang pisngi ko. His eyes turned gentle.

“No, Natalia… We stay away from that kind of business. We may be involved in illegal activities, but human trafficking is not one of them.”

Sobra talaga akong nakahinga nang maluwag sa sinabi n’ya. I couldn’t help but sigh in relief.

“I love you.”

Serj gave me a soft smile.

“Did I scare you?”

Umiling ako, mas hinigpitan pa ang yakap sa kanya. To let him know my answer before I tell him.

“No…” I smiled. “So, you’re really that powerful, huh?”

He chuckled. I like the feeling of his body shaking a little when he let out that sexy chuckle.

“Just my family,” he said. Not taking the credit for it. Humiwalay s’ya sa pagkakayakap sa akin at hinawakan ang isang kamay ko. “Come. I’ll show you around the house.”

“Mabuti pa nga. Muntik na ’kong maligaw kanina kahahanap sa ’yo.”

He gave me a smirk that made me wanna kiss him first breathlessly before leaving the room. That smirk was so sexy that I just wanted to wipe it off his lips by kissing him. Why isn’t he kissing me anyway?

Or… we could do more than kissing.

Huh, damn it. Mukhang nabura na ni Serj ang anumang kainosentehan na meron ako sa katawan ko noon. 

Nobody could blame me anyway. If someone like Serj would be their partner, dominant and so really good in bed, mawawala talaga ang bakas ng pagkainosente ng sinuman man.

“What did you and my father talk about?” Serj asked while he toured me around the house. Magkasabay kaming naglalakad habang magkahawak-kamay.

“He wanted me to stay away from you.”

“What?”

Napatigil s’ya sa paglalakad at dahil hawak n’ya ang kamay ko ay napatigil din ako. He looked bewildered and mad. Mukhang hindi inaasahan ang narinig mula sa akin.

Napangiti ako at nagdesisyong itigil na ang kalokohang naisip ko. I just wanted to see his reaction.

Well, I really thought that his father would tell me that though. Knowing that he was the former mafia head of the family.

“Your father is really kind,” I said and softly smiled at him. “I wasn’t expecting it. I thought he would be… not kind.”

Nawala naman ang pagkakakunot ng noo ni Serj. Naintindihang hindi ako seryoso sa sinabi ko kanina. Nagpatuloy kami sa paglalakad.

“He is kind,” he confirmed. “But very strict. He gave me extreme training. Although I knew it was for me.”

“Sinabi ko nga ’yon sa kanya. He regretted it.”

“But it was needed,” he said. “If not, those in the family and those who are helping the family wouldn’t accept me as the head. I couldn’t afford the downfall of Romanov just because of my incompetency. As a Mafia, our family is important to us. We will do anything for the sake of the family so I understand that they wouldn’t accept someone weak and full of flaws as the future head.”

Huh… I suddenly remember what dad said nu’ng nabanggit ang tungkol kay Serj over our dinner with Yakov. He said something like this. That he admires Russians ’cause they value their family.

“Napansin ko lang na sobrang importante sa inyong mga Romanov ang family n’yo,” I said.

“That’s how the Mafia is, Natalia… We protect the family. In any and every way we can.” I felt him squeeze my hand. “But we don’t always resort to violence. We’re all business and talk without getting in the way of other family’s business. I told you; we stay out of each other’s way.”

“Pero bakit ganoon ang representation sa inyo ng movies? That you’re all into violence.”

He shrugged.

“We do illegal and organized crimes and the media just overdid it. It might also be because we do anything too extreme lengths just for the sake of the family. Might also be as we couldn’t really avoid getting into a feud with another family. Sometimes.”

“It’s also the twenty-first century. Hindi na rin uso ’yung gang fights unlike noon,” sabi ko at natawa na lang si Serj.

Nadaanan namin ang living room at napatigil ako nang makita ang malaking family picture nasabit sa dingding. Sa baba noon ay ang mantel na may mga nakapatong ring framed photos doon. Nanatili ang tingin ko sa family picture habang naglalakad palapit doon at hinayaan lang naman ako ni Serj.

In the picture, Aleksandr was sitting on a throne chair while there were two boys on either side of him. Aleksandr was wearing a black tux. He looked a lot younger in the picture kaya naman mas lalong nahalata ang pagiging magkamukha nila ni Serj. And even in the photo, his presence was domineering as he was looking at the camera without any emotion on his face.

The two boys beside him were almost wearing the same. A white inner long sleeve, vest, bow-ties, shorts, high socks, and shoes. Ang pinagkaiba lang, the boy on his left was wearing a dark green vest and brown shoes while the boy on his right was wearing a black vest and black shorts.

I smiled. Sa pananamit pa lang ay nakilala ko na agad kung sino sa dalawang bata si Serj. He too was looking at the camera with a face void of any emotion. His blue eyes seemed to look right at me and I don’t know how but I could feel the coldness coming from them.

Kahit ang isang bata ay wala ring ekspresyong makikita sa mukha. They all looked serious. As if telling anyone who would look in the photo never to mess with their family.

“Hindi ba kayo sinabihan ng photographer na mag-smile?” wala sa sarili kong tanong habang nakatitig pa rin sa picture.

I felt Serj warmth behind me. Ipinulupot n’ya ang mga braso sa bewang ko at hinigit ako palapit sa katawan n’ya. I leaned my back on his body. He kissed my head and inhaled the scent of my hair.

I smiled. Naramdaman kong parang may kung anong nagwawala sa loob ng tyan ko dahil sa ginawa n’ya. I guess this feeling won’t fade even if we’re already way passed this stage.

My smile turned to a frown when I noticed something. Did Serj have another brother beside Yakov? Ang alam ko ay si Yakov lang ang kapatid n’ya at nag-iisang anak lang s’ya ng ama n’ya. But who is this young boy with them in the family picture?

I stared at the boy. He has dark green eyes and his dark hair was swept to the side. There was something eerily familiar about him. Especially the look in his eyes. Like he was ready to kill whoever was looking at the picture.

I gasped. Hindi makapaniwalang nilingon ko si Serj na nasa likuran ko.

“Is that Killian?” Kapatid n’ya si Killian? “I thought he’s your bodyguard or your right-hand man or something. He’s calling you ‘boss!’”

I am so confused. Mukhang naramdaman naman ’yon ni Serj dahil pinakawalan n’ya ako at hinarap para makausap nang maayos.

“He’s my brother. Father took him in when he was a child. That time when he went to the Philippines and found out that that woman already has a new family.”

That woman? Is he talking about Tita Tessa?

But wait…

“He found Killian in the Philippines?” Kaya pala marunong s’yang mag-Tagalog!

He nodded.

“He found him beaten up on the streets so my father decided to take him in.”

“But he’s calling you ‘boss?’”

He sighed exasperatedly.

“He’s a fucking son of a bitch. I told him a lot of times not to call me that.”

Nagulat pa ako sa pagmumura n’ya but he didn’t look mad anyway. Magaan din ang tingin na nasa mata n’ya.

Huh… Now I could see how family is really important to them. Nakuha rin iyon ni Serj. Na kahit hindi nila kadugo, itinuturing talaga nilang parte ng pamilya nila.

So, whenever he mentions the Romanov family, he wasn’t only talking about those people that were related to them by blood, but also those who were helping their family.

Huh… So, that’s what the Mafia is.

Ang mga picture frame naman na nakapatong sa mantel ang pinagtuunan ko ng pansin. There were pictures of Serj and Killian when they were still kids. Meron pa ngang parehong madumi ang mga damit nila na halatang galing sa paglalaro. I suddenly wonder how those cute kids could grow up into someone dominant and ruthless.

Natigilan ako nang makita ang isang pamilyar na picture. It was familiar as I also have a copy of it from when it was taken. Hindi makapaniwalang inabot ko ang frame na iyon.

It was definitely a picture of Yakov, Serj, and me when we were kids. But Yakov’s side was folded and hidden behind kaya ang nakikita na lang sa frame ay kaming dalawa ni Serj.

We were both looking at the camera, Serj’s face wasn’t showing any emotion while I was obviously trying not to smile as I secretly gave Serj a devil horn. My fingers were on a peace sign and I placed it behind his head so it looked like a devil’s horn.

Napaawang ang mga labi ko. I couldn’t remember if I did something like that. Siguro ay sobrang nainis nga talaga ako kay Serj noon nang tawagin n’ya akong “beggar” kaya nagawa ko iyon.

Pero ang mas nagpagulat sa akin ay ang kopya ng litratong ’to na meron pala si Serj. It was even framed and carefully placed on the mantel where anyone could see. Samantalang ’yung sa ’kin ay natabunan na ng mga recent photo. Kaya nga nakalimutan ko ang tungkol sa kanya.

I looked at Serj. Hindi ako makapagsalita. My heart was filled with emotions that made me want to burst into tears.

“You kept this?” naiiyak kong tanong sa kanya.

Serj was staring hard at me. Mas lalo lang akong naiiyak sa emosyong nakikita ko sa mga mata n’ya. He glanced at the picture frame I was holding before he looked at me again with the same emotion still in his eyes.

“It’s the only picture of us together that I have,” he said.

Tinignan ko ulit ang picture frame na hawak ko. Hindi ko alam kung matatawa ba dahil tinupi n’ya talaga ang side ni Yakov o maiiyak dahil gumawa s’ya ng paraan para magmukhang kaming dalawa lang ang nasa picture.

“Yakov’s here though,” sinubukan kong magbiro dahil nag-uumapaw talaga ang mga emosyon sa dibdib.

God… I really love Serj. I love him so much.

“That son of a bitch,” he muttered with gritted teeth. Halatang hindi nagustuhan ang pagbanggit ko sa pangalan ng half-brither n’ya.

“I couldn’t believe you’d keep something like this. You remember me then?”

Humakbang s’ya palapit sa ’kin. He cupped my face and planted a sweet and full kiss on my lips.

“There wasn’t any single time that I’ve forgotten about you, Natalia…”

Hindi ko na napigilan ang pagtulo ng mga luha ko. I’ve never felt this love. S’ya lang ang nagparamdam sa ’kin ng ganitong pagmamahal. ’Yung tipong nakakalunod pero hindi ko rin namang gustong umahon.

I didn’t know what I did good in my past life to deserve his love. Hindi na ako magrereklamo sa anumang pagkukulang ang naramdaman ko sa buhay ko. Serj was more than enough to fill those in.

“I’m so in love with you, Serj…” buong pagmamahal kong sabi sa kanya.

Serj caressed my cheeks, wiping my tears. Even his touch was so much for me. Hindi na ako makahinga pero gusto ko ang ganitong pakiramdam.

“I’m very much in love with you too, Natalia…”

Hindi ko napigilan ang malawak na mapangiti habang nakatitig sa mga mata n’ya. Just the look in his eyes was enough to tell me what he felt. Mukhang hindi pa nga mapapantayan ng mga salitang ’yon ang nakikita ko sa mga mata n’ya.

I’m so glad I have him.

“Do you have your phone with you?”

“Yeah?” patanong n’yang sagot. Nakakunot rin ang noo. He was probably confused why I would suddenly asked for his phone.

“Let’s take a lot of picture together. ’Yung tayong dalawa lang talaga.”

He smirk. Halatang nagustuhan n’ya ang sinabi ko. He fished his phone inside the pocket of his pants, opened the camera, and handed it to me. Kinuha ko iyon at itinaas para makita kami sa frame.

I tapped the capture button and took a picture of us.

“Isa pa,” sabi ko matapos makuha ang picture naming parehong nakaharap sa camera.

I looked at him and he looked back at me. It was as if our minds were connected as we thought of the same thing.

’Cause this time, when I tapped the capture button again, we shared a heart-melting kiss.

Chapter 40

I was having the best time of my life. I was not sure if it was because I’m with Serj or because the place was just really breathtaking that I had the thought I could live here forever. I couldn’t stop admiring the place, especially at night. The street lights, the night lights just looked like I was inside a diamond where my surroundings were glistening.

But as I closed my eyes while feeling the cold breeze as I sat on the passenger seat with the window open, I realized I’d already felt this way. Back in the Philippines when Serj and I also went for a night drive.

Then… It must’ve been like this, huh? That no matter where I am, even if I was in the middle of nowhere, as long as I’m with Serj, it wouldn’t matter. ’Cause he can make any moment of my life be the best. Only him.

I looked to my side. Serj was driving the car. Bigla ko na lang kasing naramdaman na parang gusto ko namang mag-dinner sa labas ngayon. I told Serj about it at wala nang pagdadalawang-isip na niyaya n’ya akong kumain sa labas. We both decided we would go for fast food this time. Just like that. Spontaneously.

And that’s why we’re here. Pero kahit na may malapit namang fast food restaurant, mukhang sa malayo n’ya ako dadalhin. Wala namang pagrereklamo sa ’kin. I want this. ’Yung parang out-of-nowhere, mapagdedesisyunan namin ang ganito.

I guess it’s okay to break what you used to do once in a while.

I sighed in contentment as I stared at Serj. Parehong nakababa ang mga bintana sa bawat side namin kaya malayang pumapasok ang hangin sa loob. The wind blew his hair, making it look more unruly. Wala sa pagkakaayos ang buhok n’ya. But it just made him look more handsome and sexy.

I think I’m falling in love with him more and more. Dapat ko na yatang iwasan ang pagtitig sa kanya dahil mas lalo lang akong  nahuhulog sa kanya.

Serj glanced at me and the side of his lips rose for a soft smile. But with his harsh face, it looked more like a smirk. And I think my heart just somersaulted with that sight of him.

He held out his right hand. Napapangiting ibinigay ko na lang ang kaliwang kamay ko at pinagsiklop n’ya ang mga daliri namin. I put it on my lap and stared at our intertwined hands. Our hands just looked perfect together. Ramdam na ramdam ko pa ang malakas at mabilis na tibok ng puso ko sa pakiramdam ng mainit n’yang palad.

Huh… I was wrong. Mali ang naisip kong naramdaman ko na ang ganito noon. ’Cause right now, the feeling was so intense. Now that I know he’s mine.

“This will be the last time, Natalia,” sabi ni Serj nang itinigil ang kotse sa harap ng isang fast food restaurant. “I’m against you having junk food as your dinner.”

“Minsan lang naman,” nakalabi ko pang sabi nang pagbuksan n’ya ako ng pinto at alalayan pababa. “Hindi naman araw-araw ’to.”

“But it’s not healthy. You should have proper food for your dinner.”

Probably he wanted to intimidate me to do what he wanted as he put a hand to my side, closing the car door. Ang isang kamay ay nasa balakang n’ya while his body was leaning forward to me. Napasandal na lang ako sa nakasaradong pinto ng kotse.

Alanganin ko s’yang nginitian.

“Minsan nga lang. ’Yung last na kumain ako nu’ng ganito, ’yung magkasama din naman tayo. That was… like, ages ago.”

Tinitigan lang ako ni Serj at hindi nagsalita. He was looming over me. His presence was enough to intimidate me pero mas dumoble lang ngayong parang kinukulong n’ya ako. Napabuntong-hininga na lang ako.

“What? Uuwi na lang ba tayo?” I asked.

He stared at me for a while before I saw the satisfaction in his eyes. Napasimangot na lang ako. Gustong-gusto talaga ng lalaking ’to na madali n’ya akong napapasunod sa mga gusto n’ya.

“Just promise me this will be the last time,” he said.

“Oo na,” napipilitan kong sabi at bahagya s’yang itinulak para makawala na. “Halika na. Nagugutom na ko.”

He let out a husky chuckle before he distanced himself. Inirapan ko s’ya at nauna nang maglakad.

“I can’t believe a Mafia boss is such a health conscious,” bulong-bulong ko pero narinig n’ya pala dahil narinig ko ulit ang pagtawa n’ya. Nagulat pa ako nang kumagat ang isa n’yang kamay sa braso ko at hinila ako palapit sa katawan n’ya.

“Just for you, love,” he said as he tilted my chin. Napapikit na lang ako nang bumaba ang mukha n’ya para maglapat ang mga labi namin.

It wasn’t a swift kiss. Mabagal ang naging halik n’ya na para bang wala kami sa labas at kaming dalawa lang ang tao sa mundo. But I didn’t care if someone could see us. All I cared about was how soft and how warm his lips felt against mine.

Huh… Kung ganito ba naman ang kapalit sa hindi ko pagkain ng mga junk food, then I would gladly not eat them for the rest of my life.

Nang maghiwalay ang mga labi namin ay nakangiti na ako. Serj chuckled when he saw that. Saka ko lang na-realize na kaya n’ya pala ginawa iyon ay para alisin ang inis ko sa kanya.

Hmm… Sabihin ko kayang naiinis pa ako?

He took my hand and walked towards the entrance. Magkahawak kaming pumasok sa loob ng fast food restaurant. Nagulat pa nga ako nang makitang marami rin ang kumakain doon. Probably also having their dinner. Karamihan ay napatingin sa ’min ni Serj nang pumasok kami.

Pinauna na akong umupo ni Serj at s’ya na ang nag-order para sa ’ming dalawa. Pinanood ko na lang s’ya habang nasa counter s’ya at nakita kong hindi lang pala ako ang gumagawa noon. Almost all the people inside the restaurant, especially women, were watching him too. Nakita ko pa ang crew na nasa cashier na mukhang natataranta sa pag-aasikaso ng mga order ni Serj.

I couldn’t blame her. Serj was like a… god. ’Yung dapat na pinagsisilbihan lang. Dapat na niluluhuran. His presence gave the vibe that everyone should just do what he wanted.

Nagsimula na rin kaming kumain nang makuha na ni Serj ang order namin. It was so uncomfortable dahil pansin ko ang mga tingin at sulyap ng mga taong nando’n, lalo na kay Serj. Hindi tuloy ako makakain nang maayos.

Dapat siguro ay nag-take out na lang kami.

Binilisan ko na lang ang pagkain habang si Serj ay parang nasa kanya ang lahat ng oras sa mundo. Walang pagmamadali sa mga kilos n’ya. Every move he made was sure and firm. Walang makikitang kahit anong pag-aalinlangan dahil lang maraming tumitingin sa kanya.

I sighed. I should learn not to mind other people too. Binagalan ko na lang din ang pagkain.

We were almost done when a shadow loomed over us. Napatingala ako. My eyes squinted at the man standing beside our table. Pamilyar kasi ang mukha n’ya pero hindi ko matandaan kung saan ko s’ya nakita. He was looking at Serj and… I think I saw hatred in his eyes.

“Romanov,” he said, with gritted teeth. “YA znal, chto eto ty.”

I frowned as I couldn’t understand what he said. I looked at Serj. He just stared at the man and continued sipping on his drinks. Mukhang nainis ang lalaki roon dahil nang muling magsalita ay pagalit na ang tono.

“Ty zaplatish’ za to, chto sdelal so mnoy!”

Itinaas n’ya ang dalawang kamay n’ya at napasinghap pa ako sa gulat nang makita ang putol n’yang mga daliri sa kamay. Only the middle finger on both hands remained intack. It was terrifying to look at.

The man was looking at Serj with so much anger in his eyes. As if it was Serj that did that awful thing to him.

Natigilan ako. Napatitig kay Serj. Did he actually…?

But I couldn’t see anything on his face as I stared at him. He just continued sipping on his drinks. I even heard the slurping sound as he sipped the cup empty.

Mas nagalit lang ang lalaki sa ginawa n’ya. He said something in Russian again, probably some curses as he almost spit every word. Pulang-pula ang buong mukha n’ya dahil sa galit kay Serj. Napaigtad pa ako nang sulyapan n’ya ako, gamit din ang nagbabagang tingin, bago umalis at lumabas ng restaurant.

“What was that?” I asked, completely clueless at what happened and who that man was.

Serj was leisurely wiping his mouth with a tissue. His blue eyes seemed so cold when he looked back at me.

“Let’s go,” he said.

“Huh? Wait—” Nagmamadali pa akong tumayo dahil tumayo na rin s’ya. Magkasabay kaming lumabas ng restaurant.

I was trying to remember who that man was. Sobrang pamilyar ng mukha n’ya at sure akong nakita ko na s’ya dati. I just couldn’t remember when and where.

Napatigil ako sa paglalakad when a particular scene came into my mind. It happened almost a month ago. Noong ipinakilala ako ni Serj sa dad n’ya nang magpunta kami sa main house ng mga Romanov.

That visitor…

Napatigil si Serj sa paglalakad at lumingon sa ’kin nang mapagtantong hindi ako nakasunod sa kanya. I looked at him, worry and terror were in my eyes with the possibilities that came to my mind.

Suddenly, I forgot how to breathe. Nahirapan akong huminga at nagsimula ring bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko sa sobrang kaba. Hindi rin ako makapagsalita dahil pakiramdam ko ay may nakaharang na kung ano sa lalamunan ko.

“Natalia.”

I didn’t know what he meant by his tone. It sounded like he was giving me a warning but also asking me to come near him. Pero hindi ako humakbang at nanatili lang na nakatitig sa kanya.

“That man was the visitor the last time we went to the Romanov house, right?” I finally found my voice. “Did you… did that to his hands?”

Hindi ko inaalis ang tingin ko sa kanya. What? What will I do if he admitted it? No matter what he said about the Mafia not being all violent, there was and will still come the time that they would. It is part of their work.

I remember the anger in Serj’s eyes when that man held me. Halatang hindi n’ya nagustuhan ang ginawang paghawak sa ’kin ng lalaki. Did he… cut off his fingers because of that?

Nakatitig lang sa ’kin si Serj. Kinakabahan ako sa kung anumang isasagot n’ya. I was trying to prepare myself just in case. Sa tingin ko rin kasi… alam ko na sa sarili ko ang magiging sagot n’ya.

That man wouldn’t be so angry like that, showing his fingers kung hindi si Serj ang may gawa noon.

“I told Killian to do it,” Serj said without taking his eyes off me.

Pinatay ko ang anumang reaksyon na pwedeng magpakita sa mukha ko. I kept a poker face. Dahan-dahan akong kumuha nang malalim na paghinga sa pagbabaka-sakaling matutulungan akong kumalma noon.

I nodded my head slowly. Mabagal ko ring pinakawalan ang hangin sa baga ko. I tried to smile at him to let him know that I would still stay by his side.

“I’m sure there’s a reason for that, right? Hindi lang dahil hinawakan n’ya ko?” Nagpasalamat akong hindi nanginig ang boses ko.

Serj nodded his head.

“That, but there’s still more than that. We just gave him a lesson.”

Tumango ulit ako sa kanya. Bahagyang lumuwag ang paninikip ng dibdib ko pero nandoon pa rin ang bigat. Hindi ko rin talaga maiwasang maramdaman iyon.

I walked towards him and hugged him. Niyakap ko s’ya dahil gusto kong maramdaman ang init ng katawan n’ya. His warmth, and him, were the only thing that could give me comfort anyway. At nang yakapin n’ya ako pabalik ay tuluyan nang gumaan ang pakiramdam ko.

“Let’s go,” mahina kong bulong sa kanya. Nang tingalain ko s ’ya ay tumango s ’ya sa ’kin.

“Let’s go.”

We walked towards his car. Tahimik lang kami. Nang maramdaman ko ang pagpisil n’ya sa kamay kong hawak n’ya ay napatingin ako sa kanya. I frowned when I saw a different emotion in his eyes. As if he was being cautious. His shoulders were tense.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

I saw his jaw clenched when he looked around, surveying the place. Then, in a quick move, his body covered me and he pulled me down with him. Kasunod noon ay dalawang magkasunod na putok ng baril.

“Shit!” Serj cursed as he covered me.

“Ano ’yon?” kinakabahan kong tanong. Nakarinig ako ng tilian mula sa loob ng restaurant.

“We need to move fast, Natalia. We’re going to run to the car. Open the passenger door and go inside quickly. Understand?” Serj said firmly. Tumango na lang ako dahil pautos ang pagkakasabi n’ya. As if he didn’t want me to make a wrong move.

“Okay.”

He surveyed the place again. Nanatili lang akong naghihintay sa sasabihin n’ya.

“On three,” he said and I prepared myself. “One… Two… Three!”

Hinila ako patayo ni Serj at sabay kaming tumakbo papunta sa sasakyan. He went to the driver’s side while I aimed for the passenger’s side. Halos magkasabay lang kaming pumasok sa loob at sabay din naming mabilis na isinara ang pinto ng kotse. Napatili ako nang may kung anong tumama sa binta ng kotse pero tumalbog lang iyon.

“They’re shooting at us!” I dumbly said. Of course, he already knew it! Nagpa-panic lang kasi ako!

Goodness! What is happening!

Mabilis na binuhay ni Serj ang makina ng sasakyan at pinaandar iyon. He was driving the car so fast I thought it was flying. Napahigpit ang kapit ko sa seatbelt ko at nagdasal na sana, kung makaiwas man kami sa mga bumabaril sa ’min ay hindi naman kami mabangga.

Muli akong napatili nang may tumamang bala na naman sa likurang bahagi ng kotse. The shooters were following us!

“Serj!” nahihintakutan kong sabi.

God! I don’t want to die like this!

I looked at Serj. Seryosong-seryoso s’ya sa pagmamaneho at nilalagpasan ang mga kotse sa unahan namin. He was overtaking them like it was nothing!

“Serj, sino ’yong mga ’yon?!” nagpa-panic kong tanong at halos sumigaw na.

He didn’t answer me and I just saw him glancing in the rearview mirror. His jaw clenched. He reached something inside the glove compartment and my eyes widened when I saw that he was holding a gun!

“Serj, anong ginagawa mo?!” halos sumisigaw nang tanong ko nang makitang ibinababa n’ya ang bintana sa side n’ya. The car was obviously bulletproof pero hindi na magiging bulletproof ’yon kung bubuksan n’ya ang bintana! Mababaril kami sa loob!

“Fighting back,” he said.

“What?!”

“No one should fucking dare to aim and shoot their gun at you.”

Hindi ako nakapagsalita kahit gusto ko pang kumontra sa gusto n’yang mangyari. His voice sounded so cold but it was full of anger. It sounded like no one could ever stop him from killing those shooters.

Naiiyak na ako sa sobrang kaba at takot. Ang akala ko ay sa palabas ko lang mapapanood ang ganito. Sa mga action movie na pinapanood ni Daddy. Iyong maghahabulan ng mga sasakyan at magbabarilan. I didn’t know this would happen to me!

It was frightening. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. Kung tatalon na lang ba ako palabas ng sasakyan dahil ayoko namang may humahabol sa aming namamaril.

But that would be idiotic. Besides, Serj was with me. I knew he would protect me. I am the safest when I’m with him.

May tumapat na itim na kotseng sinasabayan ang bilis ng pagpapatakbo ni Serj sa side n’ya. The windows were rolled down and I saw four men inside. Lahat sila ay may hawak na mga baril.

I screamed when they aimed the gun at us. Napayuko ako, trying to cover my body. I heard gunshot at napatili ulit ako.

Oh, my God… Oh, my God… Oh, my God… Am I still alive?

“Call Killian.”

“What?” Napaangat ako ng tingin. Mas lalong bumilis ang pagpapatakbo ni Serj. Ang kotseng itim ay nasa likuran na at nakasunod pa rin sa ’min.

Ang akala ko ay ako ang kinakausap ni Serj but I realized he activated the voice command of the car when the voice assistant actually talked.

“Calling. Killian Romanov.”

There were some rings before I heard Killian’s voice on the speaker.

“Boss, what’s up?”

“Track my GPS. Someone’s shooting at us. Kasama ko si Natalia.”

Nakarinig ako ng pagsipol. Pagkatapos ay talagang tumawa pa si Killian na parang hindi sineseryoso ang sitwasyon.

“Are you sure you want me to take care of it?” Killian asked.

“Don’t fucking kill them,” Serj said, gritting his teeth. Matalim din ang tingin n’ya sa kalsada. I need to take Natalia to safety first. Then I’ll take of them.“

Killian let out a satisfied chuckle.

“Alright, boss.”

Nawala na ang linya.

“What are you planning to do?” nag-aalala kong tanong kay Serj dahil nagkaroon kaagad ako ng ideya sa palitan nila ng usapan ni Killian.

“Don’t think about stopping me, Natalia. They would pay for this.”

He closed the window to his side and continued driving. Mariin ang pagkakatikom ng bibig n’ya. I saw his jaw moving from time to time as he gritted his teeth. He was livid. The look in his eyes told me so. Pinipigilan n’ya lang dahil nandito ako sa tabi n’ya.

I… wasn’t trying to stop him though. I know there was something behind the shooting today. Alam ko rin namang hindi n’ya sila babawian sa ginawa nila ngayon dahil napahamak ako. As he said before, there was more into it. Something about Mafia things.

Nawala na ang mga humahabol sa ’min. I think Killian took care of it. Ang bilis naman n’yang gumalaw. Nakagawa kaagad s’ya ng paraan para pigilan ang mga sumusunod sa amin.

We drove for a while hanggang sa maging pamilyar ang dinadaanan namin. He was taking me back to the safe house. Pinagbuksan n’ya ako ng pinto ng kotse nang makarating kami roon at inihatid sa kwartong ginagamit namin doon. Ever since that night when I accepted what he is, iisang kwarto na lang ang ginagamit namin. Para kasing ayaw na rin ni Serj na mawala ako sa tabi n’ya.

“Don’t ever leave this room, Natalia, until I get back. Someone will bring you food.” He handed me a phone. “Call me if there’s a problem. My phone number’s already saved.”

“Magtatagal ka?” Hindi ba s’ya babalik ngayong gabi? Ilang pagkain ang dadalhin sa ’kin bago s’ya makabalik?

“Gonna fucking teach them a lesson,” he muttered. His voice sounded like poison. Masyadong mapanganib.

Wala na akong magawa nang lumabas s’ya ng kwarto. But what surprised me was when I heard the door being locked from the outside. Dali-dali akong lumapit sa pinto at sinubukang pihitin ang doorknob.

But it was locked.

“Serj!” I pounded on the door. “Serj!”

Muli kong kinalampag ang pinto pero wala na akong narinig na anumang pagkilos mula sa labas. Serj probably already left. Agad akong pumunta sa glass wall ng kwarto at nakita ko pa ang pagsakay n’ya sa kotse at ang pagmamaneho n’ya paalis.

I sighed. Why did he lock me in here? Hindi naman ako lalabas ng kwarto gayong sinabi na n’ya naman. Irina already left week after we stayed here kaya wala na akong kasamang maglakad-lakad sa labas. I don’t want to take a walk outside with men guarding me just few meters away.

Nanghihinang napaupo ako sa kama. Napatingin ako sa phone na ibinigay n’ya sa ’kin. Dahil wala naman akong magawa, I decided to open my Facebook account.

It’s been more than a month since I left the Philippines. Hindi ko naman akalaing magtatagal ako ng ganito rito. I think I have to go back there soon. Lalo pa at may sarili akong negosyo roon. Although I already gave Andrea and Millie their payout for the month in advance. Isang buwang sahod lang ang naibigay ko sa kanila.

But… I think the isssue about Yakov’s cheating already died down now. Siguro ay okay na ring bisitahin ko na ang Facebook account ko ngayon.

Inuna ko muna ang Messenger dahil doon madalas ako nako-contact ng mga tao. Wala pa sa plano kong magtrabaho habang nandito pa ako sa Russia kaya nagdesisyon akong hindi na lang muna i-check ang email ko.

I saw that I received a lot of messages from my friends. Nangangamusta. Or nangangamusta lang kung anong balita na sa amin ni Yakov. Meron din kay Mommy pero hindi ko na iyon binasa.

I wonder if dad told her I went here.

Pero ang hindi ko inaasahan ay ang makakatanggap ako ng chat mula kay Yakov. Curious, I opened his message. Kung tungkol sa pakikipagbalikan o pakikipagkaibigan ang message n’ya ay hindi ko na sana papansinin. Or if he wanted to apologize, I don’t think I could accept it.

Pero wala sa anumang inaakala ko ang laman ng message n’ya. instead, it was about his brother.

Yakov Fuentebella:

Natalia? Where are you?

We need to talk.

I need to tell you something about my Kuya.

He’s nothing like

what

we thought he was.

Chapter 41

WARNING: R18

---

Ilang sandali siguro akong nakatitig lang sa phone, particularly at Yakov’s message. I just stayed still, thinking of what I should do next. Hindi agad ako makapagdesisyon kung anong susunod kong gagawin.

I admit I’m a bit curious about what he wanted to tell me. Kahit na may ideya na ako kung ano iyon. I think it has something to do with Serj being a Mafia. It was obvious naman that Yakov didn’t know about it before. The way he talked kapag napag-uusapan namin ang tungkol kay Serj noon, halatang wala s’yang alam. His only goal back then was for Serj to enjoy so he’ll think of visiting them again.

But now, sa paraan ng pagcha-chat n’ya sa ’kin, it was as if he found something dirty about Serj. Something that isn’t good. Isang bagay na sa tingin ni Yakov ay magiging iba ang paraan ng tingin ko kay Serj sakaling malaman ko. Something that he felt betrayed by.

Is it really about Serj being a Mafia?

Kung si Yakov ay walang alam sa katotohanang ’yon, Tita Tessa knew about it. About Romanov being a Mafia family. Kaya nga s’ya umalis. ’Cause she couldn’t accept that kind of life.

Sinabi na kaya ni Tita Tessa kay Yakov?

Or maybe… Yakov just wanted to meet with me and talk about the issue. Hindi malayong iyon talaga ang real goal n’ya sa pagcha-chat n’ya sa ’king ’to. Before, I wouldn’t think like this. That he’s like a scheming son of a bitch. Pero dahil sa naging panloloko n’ya na matagal na n’ya palang itinatago sa ’kin, I couldn’t help but think this way.

Baka kapag nakipagkita ako sa kanya ay pilitin n’yang linisin ko ang pangalan n’ya.

I sighed. Makikipagkita ba ’ko?

The last time we’ve talked personally, naging maganda naman ang pag-uusap namin. But after that, he called me and that’s when everything fell apart between us.

Well, wala naman s’yang nabanggit tungkol sa issue. And it’s not like Yakov knew kung ano nang namamagitan sa amin ni Serj ngayon. So, in any case, he wouldn’t think that there’s a need for him to tell what he found out about his brother. Kahit na ba napag-uusapan na rin namin si Serj noon. Yakov even opened up to me about Serj.

But I doubt that there’s anything he told me that he hasn’t told Sabrina. Sila pa nga ang mas closes. They were best friends, now lovers.

Pwede namang si Sabrina na lang ang kausapin n’ya tungkol dito. Knowing na hindi pa naging maganda ang huling pag-uusap namin sa phone. Yet Yakov reached out to me.

Why?

My curiosity is really eating me. But then… I didn’t want to talk with Yakov again.

I sighed. In the end, I decided to ignore the message. Pinagsisisihan ko tuloy na nagbukas pa ako ng Messenger ngayon. I should’ve known that nothing great would come out of it. With the issue, with my mom, with Yakov… I went here to Russia to relax after all.

Yakov does sure know how to ruin everything. Although, a week had passed since he sent the message. Still, it came from Yakov. Ngayon ko pa talaga nabasa kung kailan gulong-gulo ang isip ko dahil sa nangyari kanina.

Pabagsak akong humiga sa kama at tumitig sa kisame. Now that I feel relaxed, bigla ang pagpasok sa isip ko ng mga nangyari kanina. Bigla rin ang paglukob ng takot sa katawan ko. Nanginig ang mga kamay ko at bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko dahil sa kaba. Ngayon lang nag-sink in sa akin ang lahat.

God… I almost died tonight. Someone just shot at me! At Serj! Nakipaghabulan pa sa amin sa kalsada at mukhang walang planong tantanan kami hanggat’t hindi kami napapatay.

What if… they didn’t miss their first two shots? What if… Killian came late? What if I or Serj got shot?

I shivered with the thought. I should stop thinking about it. After all, Serj protected me. He moved so fast, like it was a normal thing for him. Parang sanay na sanay s’ya kaya hindi ko man lang nakitaan ng kaunting pagpa-panic ang sistema n’ya.

Instead, I saw anger in him. He was obviously livid. Ang itsura n’ya ay mas gusto n’ya pang patayin ang mga humahabol sa amin kaysa sa takasan iyon. And I knew that’s what he would do if only I wasn’t with him.

Ngayon nga, binalikan n’ya ang mga iyon. Those shooters, Serj will do something to them for sure. Something terrible.

So, this is the kind of work he has. This is what he is. Staying with Serj means accepting this kind of life.

This is the kind of life that Tita Tessa ran off. Siguro… hindi n’ya nakayanan ang ganitong pamumuhay.

But… I think mas hindi ko makakayanan kung malayo ako kay Serj.

I sighed and closed my eyes. I just hope everything will be okay.

Hindi ko namalayan nang makatulog ako. Umaga na nang magising ako. I looked to my side and found that side of the bed empty. Ni walang palatandaan na may humiga roon.

Serj didn’t come home last night. I’m sure of it.

I looked outside the window. The sun’s already up. Nagising ako dahil sa liwanag na nagmumula sa labas. Nakalimutan ko palang ibaba ang kurtina kagabi.

The scenery outside looked so calm. I could even hear the birds chirping. Nai-imagine ko pa ngang nandoon sila sa damuhan, probably playing? I’m not sure. Pero ang kapayapaang nasa labas ay ibang-iba sa kung anong nararamdaman ko sa loob ng dibdib ko.

I’m worried about Serj. I checked the phone and there wasn’t a single message from him. Hindi ko tuloy maiwasang isipin na baka may nangyari nang masama sa kanya. After all, someone tried to kill us last night.

I was lost in my thoughts when I heard a knock from the door. Bigla ang naging pagbangon ko sa pag-aakalang si Serj iyon but I was disappointed it was was the usual man who’s giving me food. Nginitian ko na lang s’ya at agad naman s’yang nagpaalam nang mailapag ang tray ng pagkain sa bedside table.

I sighed. Napatitig na lang ako sa pagkain at napagdesisyunang hintayin na lang si Serj. I was praying with every moment that he would be safe. I think I am kind of a hypocrite because I knew what he was planning to do when he left last night.

Nang matapos akong kumain ay lumapit ako sa pinto para ako na lang sana ang magdala sa baba ng mga pinagkainan ko. But I found the door still locked from the outside which got me frustrated.

Bakit kailangan pang-i-lock ako rito sa loob? I get it that Serj was just being cautious for my safety but there’s no need for him to lock me up here!

Wala tuloy akong magawa sa buong maghapon. I didn’t try to check my Facebook account again. Nakibalita na lang ako sa ibang bagay. Lalo na sa nangyari noong after-party ng fashion show ni Irina.

I saw she resolved it. Pinalabas na may pumutok lang na wire so it sounded like a gunshot. Nag-panic lang ang mga tao. But she said that there was nothing to worry about and the events place took all the responsibility for what happened.

It didn’t fool me though. I knew it was a gunshot. Hindi magiging ganoon ang reaction nina Killian at Serj kung hindi iyon putok ng baril. I had the feeling they knew what a gunshot sounded like as if it was the back of their hands.

Lumipas ang isang araw nang wala man lang paramdam si Serj. He didn’t even try to contact me! Hindi ko naman magawang tawagan s’ya dahil baka he’s in the middle of something… something I didn’t want to think about. Besides, he told me to call him if something’s up. Ayoko namang pag-alalahanin s’ya.

I was already sleeping when I suddenly felt uncomfortable. Bigla ay hindi ako mapakali. I opened my eyes and saw that it was still night. The moonlight passed through the glass window pero sa kabila noon ay nanatiling madilim ang kwarto ko.

I blinked. I was still disoriented from sleep. I looked around, wondering what woke me up. It was then that I noticed something in one of the corners of the room.

I saw a silhouette. There was a man standing on the corner, doon sa may paanan ng kama kung saan kitang-kita n’ya akong nakahiga. Kinabahan pa ako noong una pero nang maging pamilyar sa akin ang bulto kahit nasa gitna ng dilim ay nakahinga ako nang maluwag.

“Serj?” Kinusot ko pa ang mga mata ko. “You scared me. Kanina ka pa ba nakauwi?”

He didn’t even move. Nanatili lang s’yang nakatayo sa isang sulok ng kwarto, doon sa madilim na parte. He was holding something. I think it was a whiskey glass as he put it in his mouth and sipped on his drink.

What is he doing at the corner? Is he watching me sleep?

He didn’t say anything. Paupo akong bumangon sa kama at tumitig kay Serj. I couldn’t make out his figure as he was in the dark. Mas lalo akong nagtaka dahil hindi s’ya lumalapit sa akin.

“Serj?” I called him. “Are you okay?”

I saw him finally moved. Ibinaba n’ya ang hawak na whiskey glass sa coffee table na malapit sa kanya. He walked towards the bed, where I was. Nang matamaan ng liwanag ng buwan ang anyo n’ya ay halos mapasinghap ako at napatitig na lang sa kanya.

He really looked like a god.

He was wearing his usual black outfit. Black long-sleeve button-down polo tucked in his black pants with a black belt. Ang kaibahan lang ay magulo ang damit n’ya ngayon. His top wasn’t properly tucked in his pants. The left hem of his shirt was sticking out. His polo was opened up to the third button, exposing the skin of his chest. Parang sobrang nakalakas ang mga butones kaya hindi na maisara. Ang buhok n’ya ay magulong-magulo rin.

I looked at his face. Napansin ko ang madilim na ekspresyon ng mukha n’ya. Ang mga panga ay nag-iigting at ang mga mata ay mukhang malamig but there was a frightening emotion in those blue eyes. An emotion that’s making my body tremble.

Patuloy lang s’ya sa paglapit sa ’kin. Ni hindi tumigil kahit nang makarating sa kama at sumampa roon. Lumulubog ang kama sa bawat paggalaw n’ya. He crawled on the bed until it felt like he was caging my body.

“Serj—”

Hindi ko na naituloy ang anumang sasabihin ko nang bigla n’ya akong sinunggaban ng halik. Napatulala na lang ako habang tinatanggap ang halik n’ya.

There was something different about the kiss. Mas mapaghanap ang paraan ng paghalik n’ya. Mas marahas. Mas mapusok. I couldn’t even try to answer his kiss as it was so intense. Hindi ko makuhang pantayan ang intesidad ng halik n’ya.

He was kissing me so hard. Ilang segundo n’ya pa lang akong hinahalikan pero pakiramdam ko ay namamaga na ang mga labi ko. He sucked my lips, hard, as if he wanted to devour it. He bit my lower lip which made me gasp in pain and he took it as a chance to plunged his tongue deep into my mouth and devour me whole.

Nang hindi siguro s’ya makuntento lalo na sa hindi ko pagtugon ay hinaklit n’ya ang likurang bahagi ng buhok ko para mas mapatingala ako. I yelped in both pain and sensation as Serj consumed all my strength away using his sinful mouth.

Napakapit ako sa mga balikat n’ya at sinubukang tugunin ang halik n’ya. He groaned when I finally tried to answer his kiss. Mas naging marahas pa tuloy ang halik n’ya at parang pinaggigigilan n’ya ang mga labi ko dahil maya’t-maya n’ya iyong kinakagat. Dahil sa matinding intesidad na nararamdaman ko at hindi ko kaagad makayanan ang mga kilos n’ya ay bumabaon ang mga daliri ko sa balikat n’ya.

His other hand started to caress my body. Dahil manipis na nightgown lang ang suot ko ay ramdam na ramdam ko ang init ng palad n’ya sa katawan ko. He was so hot. Para s’yang nag-aapoy at ngayong nakadikit s’ya sa ’kin ay pakiramdam ko’y tinutupok ako ng apoy n’ya.

His hand found my breast and massaged it against the cloth. Hindi ko mapigilan ang ungol na kumawala mula sa lalamunan ko dahil sa magkahalong sakit at sensasyon sa marahas na pagmasahe n’ya sa dibdib ko. He pinched my nipples and my body jolted with the sudden surge of heat that traveled down my body,

“Serj, wait—” Sinubukan kong kumawala sa kanya dahil nawawala ang katinuan ko na mukhang hindi n’ya nagustuhan.

“Shut up, Natalia,” he hissed and his lips went down on my neck. Malakas akong napaungol nang maramdaman ang pagkagat n’ya sa balat kong alam kong magmamarka na naman.

I didn’t know why but there was really something different with him right now. Base sa panggigigil n’ya sa bawat parte ng balat ko, base sa rahas ng galaw n’ya. He was harsh and rough in bed before but right now… I could really feel there was something… wrong.

It was as if he was looking for comfort. In me. Parang sinisiguro n’yang nandoon nga ako sa harapan n’ya, nahahawakan at nahahalikan n’ya. I could feel the desperation in him, with his every touch and every move.

Maybe this is how it feels when your hearts and feelings are connected. Malalaman mo kaagad ang mali. Mahahalata kaagad iyon. And you’re willing to do anything to fill in with what he’s looking for.

Tinanggap ko ang rahas at lupit ng bawat galaw n’ya. With every roughness of his touch, I welcomed it with gentleness. With every harshness of his move, I welcomed it with the softness of my body.

His hand that was just playing with my breast went down. Until it found the most sensitive part of my body which was in between my thighs. Napaliyad ako nang magsimulang maglumikot ang mga daliri n’ya roon. His other hand supported my back as his mouth went down on my breast and sucked it through the thin cloth.

“Serj… Oh, God…”

Ang mga kamay ko ay yumakap sa ulo n’ya at mas idiniin pa iyon sa dibdib ko. Damn it. I just realized that Serj was perfect for me. Sa palagay ko kasi ay s’ya lang ang makakapunan ng pangangailangan ng katawan ko. I needed his roughness. I needed his cruelty. I needed him to be dominant.

I needed his obsession.

Paangat nang paangat ang nararamdaman ko sa bawat paglulumikot ng mga daliri n’ya sa pagkababae ko. I even grinded my hips, hoping to reach it and I was glad when Serj didn’t deprive me of what I need. Nanginig ang buong katawan ko nang maabot ko na ang kasukdulan.

But I know… I know Serj wasn’t finished yet. Humiwalay s’ya sa ’kin at marahas na hinila ang mga paa ko para mapahiga ako sa kama. He was still kneeling on the bed when he unbuckled his belt. Malupit ang paraan nang pagtingin n’ya sa akin habang ako naman ay mabilis ang tibok ng puso dahil sa pananabik at kaba habang pinapanood ko s’yang hubarin ang sinturon n’ya.

He removed his pants and his boxer shorts halfway to his thighs and I saw his shaft sprung to life. He was huge. Just the sight of it was enough to make me reach my orgasm for the second time.

“You know the drill, Natalia,” he said as he positioned my upper body between his thighs. “Tap if you want me to stop.”

Oh, God… Oh, God…

He guided his length to my mouth. Napaawang kaagad ang mga labi ko pero hindi n’ya kaagad iyon ipinasok. He used the tip to trail the outline of my lips. Halos mabaliw ako sa ginawa n’ya at ramdam ko kaagad ang pag-iinit ng buong katawan ko. I had to stop myself from having my orgasm as he continued with what his doing.

Fuck it. It was so hot.

Sinubukan kong ilabas nang kaunti ang dila ko. Damn it. I want to have a taste of him. I could smell him. His scent was so manly and sexy. Naramdaman ko ang pag-iipon ng kung ano sa puson ko.

Serj let out a series of harsh curses when my tongue brushed with the tip of his shaft. Marahas n’yang hinaklit ang buhok ko and in one swift move, he lifted my head as his shaft entered my mouth without him moving down.

Nabigla ako at agad na napahawak sa mga hita n’ya. Gamit ang pagkakahawak sa buhok ko ay ginagalaw n’ya ang ulo ko para maglabas-pasok ang kahabaan n’ya sa bibig ko. My scalp stung every time he was pulling my hair so my head would move up. Pero hindi ako nagreklamo at mahigpit na napakapit na lang sa mga hita n’ya para sa suporta.

“Fuck it, Natalia,” he groaned. “Your mouth feels so fucking good.”

I was in awe when I saw how he felt on his face. I tried to swirl my tongue around his length at marahas s’yang napamura. Mas humigpit tuloy ang kapit n’ya sa buhok ko.

Damn it. I am dripping wet. I knew it as when I squeezed my thighs together, I felt how wet I was.

Serj moved fast. My head was bobbing as he pulled and pushed my hair. The tip was reaching the back of my throat with how huge he was but I fought the urge to gag. I knew he was near as I felt his shaft twitching inside my mouth.

“Fuck! Seems like your mouth is just made to suck my cock, huh? It looks so perfect with my cock inside, Natalia…”

I moaned. Damn… His dirty talk could put me on edge. I think he could make me dripping wet with just his dirty talk.

“You should see how good you look, love. You look like a slut. My slut.”

Oh, fuck…

When I thought that he was about to reach his peak, he suddenly pulled out. May pagmamadali sa kilos n’ya nang bumaba s’ya at ibinuka ang mga hita ko. He placed himself in between my thighs, moved my panties aside, and entered me in one swift move.

“Oh, God! Serj!”

Napasigaw ako nang pumuno ang kahabaan n’ya sa loob ko. It was so intense. Pakiramdam ko ay hindi ako nakahinga ng mga ilang sandali. At hindi na ako binigyan ng pagkakataon ni Serj para makabawi dahil nagsimula s’yang umulos.

He thrust his hips as he put my legs on his shoulders. It was hard. It was rough. Harder and rougher than before. And I knew it wouldn’t take too long for us to reach our orgasms.

“Love…” he moaned. Sagad na sagad ang bawat pag-ulos n’ya at ilan sandali nga ay nanginig ang buong kalamnan ko. Serj was holding me but he was still thrusting his hips kaya hindi makabawi ang katawan ko sa matinding pakiramdam na ibinigay n’ya sa ’kin.

“Fuck!” naisigaw ko na lang sa intesidad na nararamdaman ko.

Serj put down my legs. Dumapa s’ya sa ibabaw ko at mariin akong hinalikan. His moves became fast. He was now thrusting his hips faster and harder than before. Naramdaman ko ang pagkagat n’ya sa balikat ko bago nanginig ang katawan n’ya sa ibabaw ko. I felt his warm loads shoot inside me.

Hinihingal s’ya nang dumagan ang buong bigat n’ya habang nasa ibabaw ko s’ya. I wrapped my arms around his body, soothing him, as I brushed his damp hair with my fingers. Habang ang isa kong kamay ay humahaplos sa likod n’ya.

I felt his body relaxed. Hindi ako nagreklamo sa bigat ng katawan n’ya. Alam kong may iniinda s’ya, hindi ko naman alam kung ano. But I’m willing to give him the comfort that he seeks.

Ramdam kong mas ibinaon pa n’ya ang mukha n’ya sa leeg ko. He inhaled my scent as he planted a soft kiss on my neck.

“I killed them.”

He said it with a soft voice. Kung hindi lang nakabaon ang mukha n’ya sa leeg ko ay hindi ko pa ’yon maririnig. As if he was ashamed that he did something like that but he wanted to tell me anyway.

Mas hinigpitan ko ang pagkakayakap sa kanya. I kissed the side of his head, hoping to sooth him. Pero alam kong hindi iyon sapat.

That’s why he acted differently.

“I felt ashamed facing you after what I did,” he admitted. “I’m sorry.”

He wasn’t sorry for what he did to those shooters. But he was sorry to face me after killing them.

Akala n’ya ba matatakot ako sa kanya?

“Don’t be, Serj…” I said softly. “I understand…”

Hindi s’ya nagsalita at yumakap lang pabalik sa ’kin. I continued caressing his back until I felt him completely relaxed. He fell asleep on top of me.

I sighed. I hope everything will be okay.

Naistorbo ang pag-iisip ko nang makarinig ng tunog mula sa phone na ibinigay sa akin ni Serj. It was a Messenger notification sound. Marahan akong gumalaw nang abutin ko ang phone na nasa tabi lang ng kama.

I opened the messenger and saw that the chat came from Yakov. Binuksan ko iyon at natigilan nang mabasa ang chat n’ya.

Yakov Fuentebella:

Talk to me, Nat. We really need to talk.

We’re both victims.

It was planned. Everything was all planned.

Chapter 42

Kanina pa ako nakatulala. Iniisip ang mga naging chat ni Yakov sa ’kin. It’s been on my mind ever since I woke up this morning. Hindi rin ako nakatulog nang maayos dahil doon. Baka nga hindi pala talaga ako nakatulog. I’m not sure.

His chats have been bugging me. Sinusubukan kong hindi na lang isipin iyon pero ang mga nabasa ko ay kusang nangungulit sa utak ko.

I groaned inwardly. Si Yakov lang talaga ang nagpapagulo nang ganito sa buhay ko.

Napatingin ako kay Serj na nakatayo sa harapan ng full-length mirror. He was fresh from the bath and his hair was still a bit damp from the shower. Umaabot mula sa pwesto ko ang preskong amoy n’ya, the scent of his shampoo and soap, kaya kahit papaano ay gumaan din ngayong umaga ang pakiramdam ko.

Serj was in his boxer shorts and getting dressed. Pero kahit gaano pa kasayang panoorin ang pagbibihis n’ya sa harapan ko, wala ang isip ko roon. Nandoon pa rin sa mga chat ni Yakov.

What does he mean when he said that we were both victims? What does he mean when he said that everything was planned? He said on his chat before that that we were wrong about Serj. Na mali ang pagkakakilala namin sa kanya. Does it mean that it was Serj who planned everything?

And what does he mean by everything? How did Serj plan everything? And why did he plan it?

Humigpit ang kapit ko sa kumot na tumatakip sa hubad kong katawan habang nakaupo sa kama. Nagsisimula na kasing sumakit ang ulo ko sa sobrang pag-iisip. Ayaw ko na nga rin sanang isipin pa ang tungkol doon pero hindi naman mapigilan ang utak ko na ang active-active yata simula pa kagabi. Sirang-sira na tuloy agad ang araw ko kahit umaga pa lang.

At dahil na naman iyon kay Yakov.

“You okay?”

Napakurap ako. Parang bigla akong bumalik sa huwisyo nang marinig ko ang boses ni Serj. Hindi ko namalayan na nakatayo na pala s’ya sa harapan ko, sa paanan ng kama, at mariing nakatitig sa ’kin na para bang binabasa ang iniisip ko. Alam kong napansin n’yang may malalim akong iniisip kanina pa.

I got nervous he might find out about Yakov’s chats. Sigurado akong hindi n’ya magugustuhan kung sakaling malaman n’yang nakikipag-communicate na naman sa ’kin si Yakov.

Damn it. Pakiramdam ko tuloy ay nagtataksil ako kay Serj dahil sa paglilihim na ’to.

I tried to smile, hoping Serj wouldn’t notice the nervousness I felt inside.

“Aalis ka na?” I asked instead.

Pinasadahan ko s’ya ng tingin. He looked gorgeous in his all-black casual outfit. His black maong pants were hugging his long legs and thighs. He was wearing a black v-neck shirt over a black blazer.

He also smelled so good. He wore a manly cologne that smelled like a fresh scent of sandalwood, like the smell of the cold breeze inside the forest.

Serj nodded before he walked towards to the side of the bed. Umupo s’ya sa gilid ng kama, sa gilid ko. Ang isang kamay n’ya ay umangat para abutin ang pisngi ko at lumapat roon. Instinctively, I leaned my cheek more on his palm. Halos mapapikit ako sa init na nagmumula sa palad n’ya.

Huh… This is my comfort. Serj is my comfort.

“I’m hesitant to leave when you’re like this,” may init sa mga mata n’ya nang sabihin iyon. I saw desire in his eyes.

I rolled my eyes but with a smile on my lips.

“You said you still have to clean and resolve the problem, right?” Hindi ko na kailangang magtanong pa kung anong ibig sabihin n’ya sa “clean.”

He sighed. Nanatili ang tingin n’ya sa ’kin at nang hindi na makatiis ay hinalikan na ako.

I smiled as I accepted his kiss that became intense with just a second. Huh… Serj always gives me fiery kisses. As if his lips were always on fire. Pinaparamdam n’ya sa mga halik n’ya kung gaano n’ya ako kagusto. Kaya naman mabilis din n’yang nabubuhay ang init sa katawan ko. At ang halik ay nauuwi sa mainit at marahas na pagsasalo namin sa kama.

With just his kiss, he made me feel wanted. As if I was the sexiest woman alive. He made me feel so good about myself.

I was already panting when the kiss ended. Pinigilan ko ang pagkawala ng nagrereklamong ungol sa lalamunan ko nang matapos ang halik.

I was still disoriented with the kiss when Serj stared at me. I saw fire in his eyes, parang may gusto pang gawin bukod sa halik. And I knew he saw the same emotion in my eyes.

“You’re making me want to stay though,” his voice was husky and deep with lust. His thumb caressed my swollen lips because of his hard kiss.

Napangiti na lang ako. I really like it when Serj doesn’t hesitate to show me how much he wanted me.

“Pero importante ang gagawin mo, ’di ba?” I asked and that made him sigh.

“Yeah…” He leaned in and whispered in my ear. “But after this, I’m gonna make sure that I would fuck you all day and all night until you won’t be able to forget how my cock feels inside you for the rest of your life.”

I shivered. Kinilabutan yata ang buong pagkato ko dahil sa sinabi n’ya. The way he sexily whispered those words in my ear and how he bit my earlobe to prove his point. I even whimpered when I felt his teeth lightly tug my lobe. May dumaloy na init sa buong katawan ko na nanatili sa pinakasensitibong parte ng katawan ko.

Huh… Parang ayoko na lang s’yang paalisin.

Pero tumayo na si Serj at yumuko para halikan ang tuktok ng ulo ko. I smiled, finding the gesture sweet.

“Call me if anything happens,” he said.

I smiled and nodded at him. I saw hesitation in his eyes to leave pero bumuntong-hininga rin at naglakad na papuntang pinto. Narinig ko pa ang pagla-lock n’ya sa pinto mula sa labas nang makaalis na s’ya.

I sighed. So, he still locked me inside. I guess there’s still a threat to my safety. Naipaliwanag na naman n’ya sa ’kin ’yon. He said he was just making sure that everything’s alright before he let me get out in the open again. Kaya nga s’ya umalis din ngayon para asikasuhin ang tungkol sa bagay na ’yon.

Tumayo na ako at nagdesisyong maligo na. Habang naliligo ay bumalik na naman sa isip ko ang naging chat ni Yakov. I still haven’t decided if I should reply, if I should contact him again. Ayaw ko na sanang magpaapekto pa sa kanya.

But… Well… I was curious. I was dying with curiosity. And it bothers the hell out of me.

I knew Yakov was serious. He sounded bitter, mad, and betrayed in his chats. Kung may ibang pakay si Yakov sa pakikipag-chat sa akin, or if he’s lying just so I would talk to him, it didn’t show on his chats.

But… It really feels like he was telling the truth. Na kaya n’ya gustong makipag-usap sa akin ay dahil sa mga bagay na binanggit n’ya.

Dahil nasa kwarto lang ako maghapon ay buong araw ko ring inisip ang tungkol doon. I’m starting to hate my curiosity. I hated that I wanted to know what Yakov meant when he said it was all planned. I hated how I wanted to know how Yakov and I became a victim.

At parang nananadya pa nga yata ang pagkakataon. My phone chimed, indicating that someone sent me a chat. It even lit up with the notification but I just stared at it like it was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen. Na para bang iyon ang sisira sa magandang nangyayari ngayon sa buhay ko.

Yakov sent me another chat. Nanginginig ang mga kamay kong inabot ang phone ko. Naupo ako sa paanan ng kama dahil pakiramdam ko, maging ang mga tuhod ko ay nanginginig. I opened his chat as my heart beat so fast against my chest out of nervousness.

Yakov Fuentebella:

You’ve read my chats. Reply, Nat.

I know you’re online.

Talagang kumawala ang tili sa bibig ko nang makita kong tumatawag si Yakov para sa isang video chat nang hindi na yata makatiis. Mukhang nakita n’yang nabasa ko kaagad ang message kaya tinawagan na ako. Ang kaba sa dibdib ko ay mas dumoble lang. I was so shocked that I had a hard time breathing for a while!

I rejected his call and composed a reply for him. Ayokong marinig ang boses n’ya.

Natalia Gonzales:

Leave me alone, Yakov.

Yakov Fuentebella:

We need to talk, Natalia.

Where are you? You’re not in your house or shop.

Let’s meet.

I sighed and decided to tell him the truth.

Natalia Gonzales:

I’m in Russia.

Ilang sandali bago ako nakatanggap ng reply mula sa kanya.

Yakov Fuentebella:

What? What the hell are you doing in there?

Natalia Gonzales:

I’m having a vacation.

Yakov Fuentebella:

With Kuya?

Natigilan ako. Sandali akong nagdalawang-isip kung anong isasagot sa kanya. Pero mukhang nainip na si Yakov dahil nasundan kaagad ang huling chat n’ya.

Yakov Fuentebella:

Natalia, are you with my Kuya?

I sighed before I typed in my answer. There’s no use hiding it anyway.

Natalia Gonzales:

Yes.

Yakov Fuentebella:

Wtf

I knew it.

I noticed the looks you gave him.

But I didn’t know that you’re this stupid, Nat!

Nakaramdam ako ng inis sa sinabi n’ya. Ang kapal naman talaga ng mukha ng isang ’to. S’ya pa ang may ganang sabihan ako ng gano’n? Ang galing-galing n’ya talagang manira ng araw!

Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko sa inis habang nagta-type ako ng reply sa kanya.

Natalia Gonzales:

Ikaw na ang taong may pinaka makapal ang mukhang nakilala ko.

Yakov Fuentebella:

Talagang sumama ka pa kay kuya, Nat?

Halos madurong ang phone ko sa panggigigil habang nagta-type. Nandidilim na rin ang paningin ko sa galit.

Natalia Gonzales:

You know what? Wala na talagang magandang nadudulot kapag nakikipag-usap ako sa ’yo.

I’m gonna block you.

Don’t ever try to contact me again.

By any means.

Bago ko pa magawa ang sinabi ko sa kanya ay pumasok na kaagad ang reply n’ya. I saw the three dots, indicating he was typing, while I was typing my reply earlier.

Yakov Fuentebella:

I’m gonna go there.

I frowned.

Natalia Gonzales:

What?

Yakov Fuentebeela:

You’re being manipulated, Natalia. Kuya both manipulated us.

Natalia Gonzales:

Sa tingin mo talaga maniniwala ako sa mga pinagsasabi mo?

After all that you did to me?

Yakov Fuentebella:

Fine!

But at least hear me out.

Ikaw na ang bahala kung ipagpapatuloy mo pa ’yang katangahan mo after you hear the story.

I’m gonna go there. Send me the address and let’s talk in person.

Hindi ko na ni-reply-an si Yakov pagkatapos noon. Halos ibato ko pa ang phone nang bitiwan ko iyon at pabagsak na humiga sa kama para makapag-isip.

I groaned inwardly. My God! Buong araw ay pag-iisip lang ang inatupag ko!

Yakov was persistent. I could tell that he really wanted to talk to me. Mas lalong nadagdagan lang tuloy ang kuryosidad ko dahil doon.

Yakov was never this persistent to me. Well, at one time he did. Noong unang beses na niyaya n’ya akong sumama sa kanya sa pagta-travel. After I declined, he never showed such persistence whenever he invited me again.

Ibig sabihin, gustong-gusto n’ya talaga akong makausap ngayon. He’s even willing to go to Russia just to talk to me.

If that’s the case, I think it’ll be okay. Hindi n’ya agad ako mahihila pauwi ng Pilipinas. Lalo pa at nandito si Serj. Yakov knew about it but he’s still willing to go here.

I guess… there will be no harm if I’ll hear him out. Gusto ko lang malaman kung anong sasabihin n’ya. I would never believe whatever he’ll say anyway.

The only problem I have now is to how to get away with Serj. He keeps on locking me up here in the room. It’s obvious that Yakov and I can’t talk here. Kaya kailangan ay sa malayo kami mag-usap.

Siguro ay okay na kung sa malayong coffee shop. I even asked Irina about it dahil wala naman akong alam na lugar dito sa bansa. So, I asked her where Yakov and I could meet.

“Serj, can I go out?” tanong ko isang araw nang muling aalis si Serj dahil may aasikasuhin na naman at maiiwan ulit akong mag-isa sa kwarto.

“You want to take a walk outside?” he asked as he rolled up the sleeves of his midnight blue button-down long-sleeve polo.

Umiling ako.

“No, I mean… Go out. Like in a mall.”

Bahagya s’yang tumango.

“We’ll go this weekend.”

Muli akong umiling.

“I mean now.”

Kinabahan ako nang titigan ako ni Serj. Mabigat ang bawat pagtitig n’ya at parang binabasa ang nasa isip ko. Sa takot na baka magpakitang may itinatago ako sa kanya ay tumayo ako mula sa pagkakaupo sa kama at nilapitan s’ya. I wrapped my arms around him. Tiningala ko s’ya. Ang baba ko ay nakapatong sa malapad n’yang dibdib.

“Irina invited me out. I accepted it ’cause I’ve been so bored here. It’s so… lonely.”

Hindi ko inaasahan ang pagkabasag ng boses ko sa huling sinabi ko. I wasn’t expecting that my true feelings would come out. Iyong nararamdaman kong pangungulila sa kanya sa tuwing umaalis s’ya at naiiwan akong mag-isa sa kwarto.

I… miss him. I miss spending time with him.

Mukhang nakatulong iyon dahil naramdaman ko ang pagbuntong-hininga ni Serj. The look in his eyes softened as he hugged me back.

“Alright. But I’ll have someone to watch over you.”

Oh, no…

“But—”

“No buts, Natalia,” mariing putol ni Serj sa reklamo ko pa sana.

I sighed. Ngumiti na lang ako. Sa palagay ko ay hindi n’ya talaga ako papayagang umalis kapag hindi nasunod ang gusto n’ya. And I needed to go now as Yakov’s already on the way to our meeting place.

“Basta ’wag si Killian,” sabi ko na lang. “Irina’s kinda… not comfortable around him.”

I saw his forehead lightly creased as if thinking about something. Pero maya-maya ay tumango na rin.

“Okay. Call me anytime.”

I smiled at him.

“Thank you.”

The side of his lips lightly rose for a smirk before he planted a hard kiss on my lips that almost left me breathless.

“I’m fucking in love with you, Natalia…”

“I’m in love with you too, Serj.”

It was Irina who drove me to the place. I was thankful for her as she offered to drive me when I asked her if she could recommend a coffee shop na malayo sa safe house ni Serj. Ang sabi n’ya ay wala rin naman daw s’yang ginagawa kaya ihahatid n’ya na lang ako. She wanted to go out too to find inspiration for her next designs.

I was worried at Serj’s men who were following us. Kinakabahan ako na baka makarating kay Serj kung sinong kikitain ko ngayon. Kumakapit na lang ako sa pag-asa na hindi nila kilala si Yakov at ang utos lang sa kanila ni Serj ay bantayan ako.

Pagpasok pa lang namin sa coffee shop ay kaagad ko nang nakita si Yakov na napatayo rin nang makita akong pumasok. He was on the corner, doon sa hindi nadadaanan ng mga tao, so we’ll have a bit of privacy about what we’re gonna talk about.

Napatitig ako sa kanya. It felt like it’s been forever since the last time I saw him. He looked like he’s been through a lot and had a hard time which made me feel good a little bit. Mukhang s’ya ang pinakanahirapan sa nangyari.

As he should.

“I’ll just be right over there.” Napatingin ako kay Irina na itinuro ang isang bakanteng lamesa ’di kalayuan kung nasaan si Yakov pero sapat na ang layo para hindi marinig ang anumang pag-uusapan namin.

I smiled at her gratefully.

“Thank you, Irina.”

She smiled back.

“No worries.”

Magkasabay kaming lumakad papunta sa mga ookupahan naming mga lamesa. Deretso ang paglalakad ko kung nasaan si Yakov. Hindi ko na hinayaang alalayan n’ya ’kong umupo nang tangkain n’ya.

“Let’s get this over quickly, Yakov,” sabi ko kaagad nang pareho na kaming makaupo. “Tell me everything you want to tell me.”

Ayokong magtagal ang pag-uusapan namin. Natatakot akong baka malaman ni Serj ang pakikipagkita kong ’to kay Yakov. I wanted to go back quickly to his safe house.

“We’ve been manipulated by Kuya, Nat,” ang agad na bungad n’ya.

“You already told that sa chat mo,” I said coldly. “I’m here to know what you mean by that.”

Mariin ang titig sa ’kin ni Yakov habang nakikipag-usap. As if he was about to say something grim.

“Kuya never really planned to give my family or my mom a chance. O kahit ako. But he planned to take everything away from us. Madali n’yang namanipula si mommy as she felt guilty for leaving him,” he said. “He planned to take everything away from me. And that includes you, Natalia.”

Pagak akong natawa. Hindi pinaniwalaan ang sinabi n’ya.

“And why would he do that?”

“Kasi galit pa rin s’ya sa pang-iiwan ni mommy sa kanya! Galit s’yang ako ang pinili ni mommy so he tried to take everything from me! Even the company, Nat!”

Nagulat ako roon. That actually got me. Nawala sa isip ko ang pinangako ko sa sariling hindi paniniwalaan ang anumang salitang lalabas sa bibig n’ya.

“’Yung business na ipapamana sa ’yo ni Tita Tessa?”

I knew that he was about to take over the business. Iyon pa nga ang ginamit n’yang dahilan sa ’kin sa pakikipagkita n’ya kay Sabrina. Meeting with his clients. Pero dahil sa naging issue ay hindi muna natuloy iyon.

Yakov nodded grimly.

“And because mom felt really guilty at gustong-gusto n’yang makabawi kay kuya, she gave the company to him.”

That surprised the hell out of me. Hindi kaagad ako nakapagsalita.

I knew the company was importante for Yakov. Kaya nga sinusulit n’ya muna ang oras by travelling dahil alam n’yang magiging busy na s’ya kapag hinawakan na n’ya ang company.

I didn’t know Tita Tessa gave the company to Serj.

Mukhang nahalata naman ni Yakov ang pagkasorpresa ko at sinamantala iyon.

“I told you, Natalia. He planned to take everything away from me. Even you.”

“That’s bullshit,” mariin kong sabi nang makabawi. “You cheated on me, Yakov! Hindi ka naman siguro inutusan ni Serj para lokohin ako. Ikaw ang gumawa ng kalokohan kaya naghiwalay tayo!”

Mas lalong dumilim ang mukha ni Yakov. And somehow… I think I saw the resemblance between the brothers.

“It was a scheme planned by Kuya, Sabrina, and Tito Joaquin.”

Hindi ko alam na mas may igugulat pa pala ako.

“Si Daddy?” Bakit nasali si Daddy dito?

Yakov nodded.

“Umamin sa ’kin si Sabrina na inutusan s’ya ni Tito Joaquin na makipaglapit ulit sa ’kin para akitin ako at maghiwalay tayo. Kuya was there when he talked with Sabrina. Ibig sabihin, magkasabwat sila. Ibig din sabihin, they already knew each other even before on Dad’s dinner birthday party.”

Ang sabi ko sa sarili ko, hindi ako maniniwala sa kanya. Kahit ano pang sabihin n’ya.

But… what he said actually… fit in the puzzle.

Kaya ba nang magpakilala si Serj kay Dad ay sinabi ni Dad na tawagin na lang s’ya ni Serj sa pangalan n’ya? That was so unusual for him pero hindi ko na lang pinansin.

But now…

Kaya rin ba pumayag s’yang sumama ako kay Serj noong gabi ring ’yon? At ngayon nga ay dito sa Russia?

Gaano na sila katagal na magkakilala? At paano?

“Why would my dad do that?” nanghihina kong tanong. Gusto n’yang magkahiwalay kami ni Yakov?

“I don’t know, Nat,” sabi ni Yakov na mukhang naguguluhan din. “Your dad and kuya offered Sabrina fame and money. Hindi rin makatanggi si Sabrina dahil pinagbantaan daw s’ya ni kuya. Natakot din s’ya kay Tito Joaquin dahil… Well, he’s a Senator.”

Hindi ako makapagsalita at nakinig lang sa kanya.

“Planado ang naging pagkikita ulit namin ni Sabrina. Nakipaglapit s’ya ulit sa ’kin. Believe me, Nat, iniwasan ko naman s’ya. But she was so persistent. Dahil na rin siguro sa utos nina Tito Joaquin at kuya.”

Nakatitig lang ako kay Yakov. I was too shocked to say anything. I couldn’t believe it. I refused to believe it.

Even my father?

Nang magdesisyon akong kausapin si Yakov, hindi ko naisip na mababanggit n’ya rin si daddy. Ang dami kong naisip na maaaring sabihin n’ya pero hindi man lang pumasok sa isip ko ang tungkol kay dad.

But… Yakov didn’t look like he was lying. The look in his eyes as he stared at me was… melancholic. And I didn’t like it.

“I pity you, Nat… You really don’t have an idea, do you? And yet you’re here. Sumama ka pa talaga kay kuya. Nagtagumpay s’ya sa plano n’ya.”

Nagalit ako. Hindi ko alam kung para kanino. Para sa sarili ko ba? But I told myself I wasn’t going to believe him, right? 

No. I was angry at him. Tama. Kay Yakov ako nagagalit dahil sa sinabi n’yang kinakaawaan n’ya ako na akala mo naman ay kung sino s’ya.

“Ang kapal din naman talaga ng mukha mo para iparamdam sa ’kin na ang tanga ko,” nanggigigil sa galit na sabi ko. “Planned or not, you still cheated on me, Yakov! Ikaw ang nakipaghalikan kay Sabrina. Hindi si Serj. Hindi ang daddy ko. Kaya ’wag mong ipasa sa kanila ang kasalanan mo!”

“You’re barking at the wrong tree, Nat. Kakampi mo ’ko rito. Pareho tayong naagrabyado!”

Umiling ako. I gritted my teeth hoping that it would stop my anger from exploding.

“No, Yakov. Ever since we got into college, hindi na kita naging kakampi. Never again. At mas lalong hindi ngayon.”

He took a deep breath. Nahalata na n’ya sigurong galit ako at hindi na huhupa pa iyon. I was actually surprised na hindi n’ya sinalubong ang galit ko ngayon. Samantalang noon, sa ’ming dalawa, s’ya pa ’tong unang-unang magagalit at magbabato ng kung ano-anong salita sa ’kin.

“Okay. I know my mistakes. At alam kong hindi sapat kung sasabihin ko mang pinagsisisihan ko ’yon. But I just wanted you to know that I’m with you this time, Nat.”

I bit my lower lip. I still refused to believe everything he said. But… deep inside, I knew Yakov wasn’t lying to me.

“Let’s go back, Nat,” he softly said. “Hindi ka dapat nandito. Kuya is just using you.”

What he said just pierced my heart. Isipin ko pa lang na ginagamit nga ako ni Serj ay hindi ko kaya.

But no… I knew Serj loved me. I could feel it.

I shook my head.

“No.”

Napakunot-noo si Yakov.

“What do you mean ‘no’?” He took a deep breath and sighed exasperatedly. “Nat, ayaw lang kitang mas masaktan. You got caught up with our family problem ’cause you were my girlfriend. Hindi ko gustong madamay ka pa. Hindi ko gustong masaktan ka dahil lang naghihiganti sa ’min si kuya.”

Halos matawa ako sa sinabi n’ya.

“Yakov, ikaw ’tong unang nanakit sa ’kin. Nakalimutan mo na ba?”

“I know!” he sounded frustrated. “You can still be mad at me for all you want. Ayoko lang na nandito ka pa dahil mas masasaktan ka lang. Let’s go back!”

“You go the hell back with your own fucking ass, Yakov.”

Pareho kaming napatayo ni Yakov nang marinig ang galit at nakakatakot na boses na ’yon. My back was actually facing the entrance kaya hindi ko kaagad makikita ang mga pumapasok. Pero kilang-kilala ko na agad kung sino ang nagmamay-ari ng boses na ’yon kahit hindi ko pa man nakikita.

I turned around and saw Serj looking at his half-brother with so much animosity in his eyezs. His face was dark, para bang nakakita ng isang bagay na hindi n’ya nagustuhan.

I looked around and saw that we were catching the attention of everyone inside the coffee shop. May palagay akong kanina pa ’yon, noong nag-uusap pa lang kami ni Yakov dahil hindi ko napipigilan ang pagtaas ng boses ko minsan. But I was just too caught up with our conversation to mind my surroundings.

Napatingin ako kay Irina at nakitang maging s’ya ay napatayo rin. She looked at me and I noticed the worry in her eyes.

I know why… Serj looked like… as if he would kill someone.

Oh, my God… Why is he here? How did he find out I’m here? Napatingin ako sa mga lalaking inutusan n’ya para bantayan ako.

Did they tell him?

“Ah… nandito na pala ang magaling kong kuya,” Yakov said with a mocking tone. Nakangisi pa. Mukhang hindi man lang naapektuhan sa galit na halatang-halata sa mukha ni Serj.

Serj just glared at him. Pagkatapos ay seryoso ang mga matang tumingin sa akin.

“Let’s go, Natalia,” he said with so much authority. Kung hindi lang ako nagulat sa mga nangyayari ay maihahakbang ko na ang paa ko palapit sa kanya.

Yakov chuckled.

“Pagpapatuloy mo pa rin ang panloloko sa kanya? Ginagamit mo lang s’ya, ’di ba?” Then he frowned. “Oh, wait. Can you understand what I’m saying or are you just also pretending not to understand the language? Ang galing mong artista, eh.”

Serj jaw clenched. Nakita ko ang pagkukuyom ng mga kamao n’ya na parang pinipigilan ang pagsabog ng galit.

“You don’t fucking know anything, Yakov.”

“Then tell her I’m wrong!” may paghahamon sa tono ni Yakov. “Tell her na hindi mo inutusan si Sabrina na akitin ako para makipagkalas sa ’kin si Natalia!”

The look in Serj’s eyes turned murderous as he looked at Yakov. Hindi ako makagalaw. Kahit noong hindi ko pa alam na isang Mafia si Serj, I already have a feeling he could do it. Iyong nakikita ko ngayon sa mga mata n’ya. Nakaramdam ako ng takot para kay Yakov.

I tried to get near him to stop him pero hindi ko magalaw ang mga paa ko. I could only take a half an inch step. It was so little but Serj… Serj noticed it. The look in his eyes changed as soon as he saw me. Wala na ang nakita kong nakakatakot na emosyon pero nandoon pa rin ang galit.

He looked at Yakov again, his jaw was clenching.

“Get the fuck out of my country, Yakov. Or you’ll regret it.”

Mukhang hindi naman natakot si Yakov sa banta n’ya at ngumisi pa.

“And now you’re threatening me! Just like what you did with Sabrina!”

“Shut up!” parang kulog ang boses ni Serj na umalingawngaw sa buong coffee shop. Napatingin s’ya sa ’kin at lumapit para hawakan ang braso ko. “Let’s go, Natalia.”

“Nat!” parang gusto pa akong pigilan ni Yakov sa paraan ng pagtawag n’ya.

But I knew by how tight Serj was holding my arm, he would do anything to get me out of there, away from Yakov. Kaya ako na mismo ang gumawa ng paraan.

Isa pa, Serj and I need to talk.

I looked at Yakov.

“Go back, Yakov.”

Iyon lang ang nasabi ko bago hinigit ni Serj ang braso ko at naglakad na kami paalis doon. Parang hindi pa nga makapaniwala si Yakov na hindi man lang ako tumanggi sa pagtangay sa ’kin ni Serj palayo roon.

At bago kami makalabas, nakita ko pa si Killian na hindi ko na napansing nandoon pala. Nilapitan n’ya si Irina na nawalan ng emosyon ang mukha nang makitang papalapit sa kanya si Killian.

Walang salitang sumakay ako sa kotse ni Serj. We were both silent the whole ride back to the safe house. Ang daming tanong ang gustong magsumiksik sa isip ko. Ang daming tanong ang gustong pumasok sa dibdib ko. But I shut it all. I shut them all.

I need to be in my right mind when I talk with Serj. I need to be calm to understand everything.

Nang makarating kami sa safe house ay hinawakan ulit ni Serj ang braso ko na para bang iniisip na tatakas ako. Hinayaan ko na lang s’ya. I don’t plan on saying anything, not until I’m sure we could finally talk alone.

And when we finally reached the bedroom we shared, doon lang ako binitiwan ni Serj. I walked further inside the room as he closed the door. Walang emosyon ang mukha ko nang humarap ako sa kanya.

Serj was just looking at me as if he knew I was gonna ask him something and was just waiting for me. Tinitigan ko pabalik ang asul n’yang mga mata.

“I don’t believe in Yakov. I don’t want to believe him. But… all the circumstances pointed that he was telling the truth.” I took a deep shaky breath, thankful that my voice was steady despite the void in my chest. “But I’m still gonna ask you… Is it true?”

“Be specific, Natalia.”

Pinigilan ko ang kagustuhang sigawan s’ya. He was making it hard for me that he’s being like this.

I took another deep breath to calm myself and looked at him in the eye.

“That you planned to take everything from Yakov? That you manipulated everything so I’ll break up with him? That you planned on getting revenge?”

Hindi kaagad s’ya nagsalita. And every second passed that he was not saying anything, I feel like I was slowly dying inside.

And when he finally did, I knew that his answer would change everything between us from now on.

“Yes, it’s true. It’s all true, Natalia.”

Chapter 43

Kulang ang sabihing nagulat ako sa ipinagtapat n’ya sa ’kin. Kaya nanatili lang akong nakatitig sa kanya. Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal ko nang ginagawa iyon at pakiramdam ko pa nga ay hindi pa ako kumukurap simula pa kanina.

He said something. I knew he said something and he already answered my question but I couldn’t seem to understand any word he just said. My brain was refusing to understand it. Most especially my heart.

I didn’t want to recognize the pain slowly eating me because of his answer. Dahil hindi iyon ang sagot na gusto kong marinig mula sa kanya. Umaasa akong hindi iyon ang maririnig kong sagot n’ya.

Pero mukhang kalaban ko na yata talaga ang tadhana sa simula pa lang. Dahil hindi na talaga binawi ni Serj ang sinabi n’ya. At mas lalong lumalala lang ang sakit na nararamdaman ko kaya hindi ko magawang makapagsalita.

“That woman left my father, Natalia. She left me when I was just a child. She lived a normal life, had a new family, and gave her other son everything while she gave me nothing,” he said without any hint of emotion in his blue eyes. “Then out of nowhere, she contacted me and asked me to visit her and meet her new family as if she had done nothing wrong.”

“Gustong… gusto lang bumawi ni Tita Tessa sa ’yo,.” sabi ko nang sa wakas ay matagpuan ko na ang boses ko.

“Oh, she does?” he asked as if he didn’t have any idea about it all this time. “Then why didn’t she fucking visit me even once here in Russia? Why should I be the one who had to go through the effort of visiting the Philippines so she could fucking make it up to me?”

Hindi ako nakapagsalita. Serj said those with a deadpan look on his face. Without any emotion in his voice. As if everything is nothing to him.

But I knew better.

I knew Serj was the best at hiding his emotions when he wanted to. And it hurts that he’s doing it right now. Right in front of me. And I couldn’t say anything ’cause I understood how he felt.

“Wala talaga sa plano mong bigyan ng chance si Tita Tessa na makabawi sa ’yo?” I asked.

“Oh, no. I did. I’m a fair man, Natalia. I gave her a chance. And we both got what we wanted.”

I stared at him, confused about what he said. Hindi ko alam kung anong ibig n’yang sabihin sa sinabi n’ya pero sa palagay ko ay alam ko ang tungkol sa bagay na ’yon. As Serj was looking at me as if I would understand what he said.

Napaawang ang mga labi ko sa kanya nang may maisip.

“Yung company na ipapamana dapat ni Tita Tessa kay Yakov,” I said and I saw in his eyes that I got it right. “But… why? You don’t even need it. You’re… already rich. You can even build your own courier company.”

He scoffed.

“It doesn’t matter. I just wanted Yakov to know how it feels when everything is taken away from him.”

I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard. I couldn’t believe Serj would be able to say it like that. Na para bang iyon ang tamang gawin sa sitwasyon. I couldn’t even see any remorse in his eyes.

“Hindi naman nawala sa ’yo ang lahat nang iniwan ka ni Tita Tessa. You have your father… And the Mafia.”

I saw him clenching his jaw before he gave me a sly smirk.

“Natalia, have you forgotten that because of her, because of what she did, I had to go through everything to prove myself to the family? To prove that I’m not some weak bastard that could be discarded by someone like her.”

“Kaya nga ginustong makabawi ni Tita Tessa sa ’yo.”

“And I told you that I’m a fair man so I did give her a chance,” he said. “If that woman really wanted to make up for leaving me, then her other son has to know that feeling too. The feeling of being left alone. The feeling of everything being taken away from him.”

Pakiramdam ko ay merong kamay na pumipiga sa puso ko habang naririnig ko ang mga sinasabi n’ya.

“It was all planned,” nasambit ko habang hindi pa rin makapaniwalang nakatingin sa kanya. “You planned to take everything away from Yakov. Even me. So, you manipulated the situation just so I would break up with him.”

There was a cruel look in Serj’s eyes as he stared at me. His jaw even clenched as if I’d said something he didn’t like. Pagkatapos ay mariin s’yang umiling.

“No, Natalia,” he said firmly. “You were never his.”

He said it so possessively, in a dominant way. Na para bang walang ibang pwedeng umangkin sa ’kin kundi s’ya lang. And he would never like the idea of me being the property of someone.

At kahit na nagtatalo kami, kahit na nasasaktan ako ngayon. I felt something… weird on the way how he said those words.

But I tried to ignore that feeling.

“Then why did you have to do that sick thing? Bakit ka nakipagsabwatan kay Dad para kausapin si Sabrina to seduce Yakov?” may hinanakit kong sumbat sa kanya. “You don’t know how much stress, how much trauma that caused me!”

He frowned.

“Is it my fault now that my dumb brother chose to cheat on you? Natalia, no matter how many girls would throw themselves at him, if he truly loves you, he would never dare to touch even a single strand of their hair. Yakov is fucking stupid and unfaithful. He’s not loyal.”

“I’m not defending Yakov. Ang sinasabi ko lang, hindi mo sana ginawa ’yon! Kung cheater nga s’ya, then there will be a time in our relationship that he would cheat! Hindi mo kailangan manipulahin ang sitwasyon just to prove your point!”

“Why, I’m getting impatient, love. If I hadn’t done that, you still wouldn’t get out of that shitty relationship you have with him.”

“Kaya ba kinasabwat mo si Dad? Dahil naiinip ka na? And how the hell did you even convince my dad to do what you wanted?”

Isa pa ’yon sa pinagtataka ko. Knowing my dad, he is hard to please. He has his own beliefs. Marami na ang nag-offer sa kanyang sumama sa ibang partido dahil malakas din sa taong-bayan si dad. Pero lahat ng iyon ay tinanggihan n’ya. Si Tito Charles lang ang hinayaan n’yang maging katulong n’ya sa pagpupulitika.

That’s why when Yakov said that my dad helped Serj with the scheme, I didn’t believe it at first.

Serj might’ve done something para mapapayag si Dad.

“By doing how the Mafia works,” Serj said. “I offered him something he couldn’t refuse.”

Bigla akong kinabahan doon. Simula nang malaman kong Mafia s’ya, nasabi ko sa sarili kong magkaiba ang kahulugan ng mag salita sa aming dalawa.

“Ano ’yon?” I asked. I could even hear the nervousness in my voice.

Serj shrugged his shoulders.

“Your dad has a plan of running for the President. I told him I would help him and back him up if he would give me what I wanted.”

Ilang beses na yata akong magugulat sa araw na ’yon. I didn’t know about it.

Pero lately, napapansin ko ngang mas nagiging active na si Dad sa pagtulong. He was helping people even before but silently. But this time, he would show himself in public. Kaya nga mas naging busy s’ya. Iyon pala ay dahil may plano s’yang tumakbo sa pagka-Presidente.

Hindi ko alam na may mas mataas pa palang ambisyon si dad kaysa sa pagiging Senator.

“And my dad accepted your offer in exchange that he would help you break me and Yakov up?”

I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe that my dad would be into this.

Serj shook his head.

“No. In exchange for you, Natalia.”

Natigilan ako.

“What?”

“To have his approval,” he corrected. “That’s why I needed to offer him something I knew he wouldn’t be able to refuse.”

Hindi ko mapigilan ang mapaluha sa sakit na lumukob sa dibdib ko. Nangilid ang luha sa mga mata ko at nanlabo ang paningin ko. I had to take a few deep breaths to calm myself.

I never knew I would feel so much pain because of my parents. Because of my own father. Grabeng sakit at paghihirap na ang naranasan ko dahil kay Mommy pero hindi ko alam na mas malalang sakit pa pala ang ibibigay sa ’kin ni Daddy.

He accepted Serj’s offer in exchange for me. Ibig sabihin, mas importante pa pala ang manalo s’ya sa pagka-Presidente kaysa sa ’kin na mismong anak n’ya. He would give his approval to Serj who he knew could plan a scheme to get what he wanted.

I felt so betrayed. Betrayed by my own parents.

God… Naging mabuting anak naman ako, ah? Ginawa ko ang lahat. Hindj ako nagpasaway. Ginawa ko ang mga gusto nila. Pero bakit kailangan kong makaramdam ng ganitong sakit mula sa mga magulang ko?

Ano pa bang kulang? Ano pa ba ang kailangan kong gawin para lang maging masaya sila na anak nila ako?

Tuluyan nang tumulo ang mga luha ko habang nakatitig kay Serj. I knew. I always knew that he’s dominant. That he would do everything to get what he wanted. Pero ngayon ko lang pinakanaramdaman iyon. Only now I’ve felt the impact of how powerful and possessive he is.

And suddenly, I felt as if I just saw the real him now.

Kaya nang humakbang s’ya palapit sa ’kin ay napaatras ako. Hindi naman pinansin ’yon ni Serj at patuloy lang na humahakbang palapit sa ’kin.

“You see, Natalia, I will do everything to make you mine. I love you so fucking much that I’m ready to give you your country or even the fucking world if you would ask for it. I will give you everything just for you to stay with me”

He was still walking towards me and I just kept stepping back away from him until I felt the glass wall on my back. Wala na akong maatrasan and Serj smirked when he noticed it.

It was a moonless night. The room was dim and the only source of light was the stars above the night sky. It was illuminating Serj’s face and it made his expression more… wicked. Hindi ko tuloy maiwasang kabahan.

He put his hands on both sides of my head, caging me so I wouldn’t think of escaping. He crouched down so our eyes would level. There was a glint of emotion in his eyes that added to the nervousness I felt.

“I did everything for you, love. Your dream also became my dream. So, don’t get mad at me.”

I frowned, confused at what he said about my dreams.

“What… What are you talking about?”

Hindi s’ya nagsalita. Nandoon na naman ang tingin sa mga mata n’ya na parang alam ko dapat kung anong ibig n’yang sabihin. So, I tried to read between his words.

At nang may maisip ay halos manlamig ang buong katawan ko. Hindi makapaniwalang napatingin ako sa kanya.

Don’t tell me…

“’Yung… ’yung P.A. ng artistang naka-discover sa mga gawa ko… Ikaw ang may kagagawan no’n?”

Halos hindi na ako humihinga habang inaabangan ang sagot n’ya. I silently prayed that I guessed it wrong. That he would deny it. Na mali ang iniisip kong may kinalaman s’ya roon.

’Cause that was the turning point of my career. That made me believe I really have the talent. That gave me the courage that I could do it. That I could reach my dreams even without the support from my parents. Even without the help from anyone.

At kung sasabihin ni Serj na may kinalaman s’ya roon, na kagagawan n’ya rin ’yon… It would shatter me.

It would break me.

Sobrang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko habang hinihintay s’yang magsalita. I waited for him to say anything. I waited as if my life depended on it.

“I just told her about your shop.”

Nahigit ko ang paghinga ko nang sa wakas ay magsalita na s’ya. I just stared at him, not having any idea on what I should feel.

Pakiramdam ko ay biglang gumuho ang lahat. Pakiramdam ko ay nawalan ako ng lakas ng loob. Na walang silbi ang naging paghihirap ko dahil hindi naman pala ako ang may gawa kung paano ko nakamit ang lahat. I felt as if he just crushed my hope and dreams.

“You told her?” puno ng hinanakit kong tanong. “Knowing you, Serj, knowing what you are, I bet you and I have a different meaning of that word! Hindi mo lang basta sinabi sa kanya, ’di ba?”

When Serj didn’t say anything, I became more frustrated.

“Did you threaten her? So, she’ll buy the dress from my shop and let the actress wear it?”

May dumaan na emosyon sa mga mata n’yang agad ring nawala. He stared at me with his cold blue eyes.

“Gano’n ba kaliit ang tiwala mo sa sarili mo?”

Hindi ko alam kung saan ako mas nagulat. Kung sa pagtatagalog ba n’ya o sa kaseryosohan ng boses n’ya nang itanong n’ya sa ’kin ’yon. I thought I even heard a hint of pain in his voice pero dahil sa malamig n’yang tingin ay inakala kong mali lang ako ng narinig.

“Don’t you trust your talent that much for you to think that I have to fucking threaten someone first to make it look as if they like your work?”

I sighed frustratedly.

“Well, can you blame me? After all that I’ve found out today, hindi ko maiwasang mag-isip ng gano’n, Serj! Ikaw na rin ang nagsabing handa mong gawin ang lahat para sa ’kin! You even talked to my dad and planned and manipulated everything so I would break up with Yakov!” Galit ko s’yang tiningnan. “You are a cunning, manipulative man, Serj! So, can you blame me if I think that way?”

Hindi ko alam na umiiyak na pala ako kung hindi lang ako napahikbi. My eyes were blurry but I still glared at him.

I felt so frustrated. With everything. With Serj. But more especially, with myself.

’Cause deep inside, I was feeling a little different. Something I didn’t want to consider. Something that made me scared of myself. And it’s making me feel even more frustrated.

“You know how much I hated being controlled, Serj. I told my problems and my worries to you kaya dapat alam mo kung anong nararamdaman ko kapag kontrolado ng iba ang buhay ko. You know how hurt I was when all my life, my mother controlled me.”

Sinubukan kong itulak s’ya dahil nahihirapan akong makahinga. I felt as if I was in a cramped space between his hard body and the glass wall behind me. And I was relieved when he removed his hands from my sides and just stood in front of me, letting me pour my emotions out.

“You know that I did everything to make my parents proud kaya ginawa ko ang lahat ng gusto nila. Lalo na ni mommy. But for her, for my parents, it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough.” I sobbed. “Sinubukan ko rin namang kumawala sa kanila. I moved out of the house pero hindi rin pala sapat ’yon. Hindi pa rin ako nakawala sa taling hawak nila.”

Luhaan ang mukhang tumitig ako kay Serj. Hindi ko alam kung ano talaga ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. I feel hurt. I feel betrayed. I feel helpless.

Kapag tungkol sa mga magulang ko, hindi ko talaga maiwasan ang masaktan. Parang lahat ng mga naging paghihirap ko, lahat ng mga naramdaman kong pagbabalewala nila sa mga nagawa ko, sa mga achievements ko dahil hindi iyon ang gusto nilang gawin ko sa buhay, bumuhos ang sakit ngayon dulot ng mga pinaramdam nila sa ’kin noon. Ngayong alam kong may karamay ako.

“And just when I thought that you saved me. ’Cause you gave me the scissors— the courage, to cut off their leash, tsaka ko pa nalaman ang lahat ng ’to. Na kung hindi pa dahil kay Yakov, hindi ko malalaman. When back then, I made you promise me na sa ’yo ko unang malalaman ang mga dapat kong malaman! You broke that promise, Serj!”

Serj reached for my face to wipe my tears. At mas lalo lang akong nagalit sa sarili ko nang maramdaman ko ang init ng mga palad n’ya ay parang gusto ko na lang magpakulong sa mga yakap n’ya. Mas lalo lang akong napaiyak.

“I just did what I had to do to get you. To finally claim you.  Ty moya, Natalia. Tol’ko dlya menya. “

That’s it. Those were the Russian words he was always telling me back then. 

There was that dominating look in his eyes as he stared at me. He looked greedy. He looked intimidating.

“You are mine, Natalia. Only for me,” he translated.

I felt so dumb. All along, he was telling me those words. Kung inalam ko man lang sana, nagkaroon na sana ako ng ideya sa plano n’yang gawin noon.

“You controlled my life, Serj… Just like parents did.”

Habang nakatingin ako sa kanya ay hindi ko man lang nakitaan ng pagsisisi ang mga mata n’ya. I didn’t see any remorse in him.

Of course. Planado n’ya ang lahat. He meant to do all those things kaya walang dahilan para pagsisihan n’ya ang mga ’yon.

I bit my lower lip. I felt numb. Gulong-gulo ang isip ko ngayon. Ang mga emosyon ko.

I almost laughed at myself. Umalis ako sa Pilipinas para sana takasan ang mga problema ko. Para makatakas sa pagko-control ni mommy. Kaya sumama ako rito kay Serj sa Russia. Hindi ko naman alam na s’ya pala ang may kagagawan ng mga problemang tinakasan ko. Na kinontrol n’ya rin pala ang buhay ko.

Ang kaibahan lang sa kanila ni mommy, hindi ko alam ang ginawang pagko-control sa ’kin ni Serj. Pati na rin ang kaibahan ng naramdaman ko sa ginawa nila.

God… I wanted to escape. From everything. Even from myself.

Napayuko ako.

“Iuwi mo na ’ko, Serj…” mahina kong sabi pero alam kong narinig n’ya naman.

I’m scared… Gusto ko munang pag-isipan ang lahat. Pagod na ’ko…

“No.”

Napaangat ang tingin ko sa kanya.

“What?”

“You are not going back, Natalia.”

My lips parted when I heard the finality in his voice.

“I will! Ibalik mo na ’ko sa Pilipinas, Serj!”

“Why? So, you will get back with my stupid half-brother?”

Maang akong napatingin sa kanya.

“Sinabi ko naman sa ’yong hindi na ako makikipagbalikan kay Yakov!”

“Then there’s no need for you to go back!”

“What the hell? You can’t do this to me! Nasa Pilipinas ang buhay ko! Nandoon ang negosyo ko!”

Serj clenched his jaw. Mukhang nagpipigil lang ng galit. Hindi naman ako makapaniwala habang nakatingin sa kanya. The angry look on his face told me that he didn’t like what I said.

“I want to go home, Serj! Iuwi mo na ’ko!”

“No!” mariin n’yang sabi. He was already gritting his teeth. “You will fucking stay here in Russia. With me.”

Galit ko s’yang tinignan. I had to bite my lower lip para pigilan sa pagsabog ang mga emosyon ko.

“You’re making me hate you… So much.”

Nawalan ng emosyon ang mukha n’ya. He looked at me, eyes were cold. At sa mga ganitong pagkakataon ay mas nakakatakot s’ya. He looked merciless. He looked unforgiving. Na para bang kahit anong pagmamakaawa ang gawin ko ay hinding-hindi n’ya ibibigay ang gusto ko.

“I warned you, love… That once you become mine, I won’t ever let you go.”

He took a few steps backward. Our distance grew farther but when he stared at me again, I felt as if I was a prisoner. I was his prisoner. And there was no way I could ever escape from him.

He put his hands inside the pockets of his pants. He tilted his head to the side. The side of his lips rose in a dominating way.

“You’re going to stay here, Natalia. With me. Always.”

Chapter 44

Serj forbade me to go out of the room after that day. He locked me up. Hindi n’ya talaga ako hinayaang lumabas at dinadalhan na lang ulit ako ng pagkain roon. I have no choice but to spend the entire day inside the room.

He already did this too before, locking me up, but only because there was a threat of danger back then. Ngayon ay sigurado ko nang nagawan na n’ya ng paraan ang tungkol doon pero pinagpatuloy n’ya pa rin ang pagkukulong sa akin dito sa kwarto.

And this time, it was to prevent me from going back to my country. From going back home.

I couldn’t believe that Serj could do something like this. No. I knew he could but I just couldn’t imagine he would do this to me . Everything is getting so messed up. Everything is getting out of hand.

I felt trapped. I felt helpless as I spent the whole day inside the room, doing nothing. Hindi naman ganito ang mga naramdaman ko noong una akong kinulong sa kwarto ni Serj noon dahil alam ko namang gusto n’ya lang masiguro ang kaligtasan ko.

But now I knew he was doing this for selfish reasons. I didn’t know what to feel anymore.

I feel as if I was his prisoner.

I’ve been thinking about how I could convince Serj to let me out. But it seemed like he doesn’t have any plan to give me what I’ve been asking him. Parang kahit anong pagmamakaawa pa yata ang gawin ko ay hinding-hindi n’ya talaga ibibigay iyon sa ’kin.

He wouldn’t let me go. Hindi ko naman alam na ganito pala ang ibig n’yang sabihin noong sinabi n’ya sa ’kin iyon. When he said that once I became his, he won’t let me go anymore. I didn’t know that me meant literally. That he would lock me up like a prisoner just so I would stay with him.

“Serj, please…” bungad ko agad pagpasok n’ya pa lang sa kwarto para dalhan ako ng almusal sa umagang ’yon.

Ever since that day, magkahiwalay na ang mga kwartong ginagamit namin pareho. Probably because he knew I would just beg him to let me go home with every chance I got.

“Hayaan mo na ’kong umuwi,” I said as he walked further inside the room.

Inilapag n’ya ang tray ng pagkain sa bedside table bago ako hinarap. I was looking up at him as he was standing in front of me while I was sitting at the end of the bed. It made him look more intimidating. More powerful.

“No, Natalia.”

He was wearing a black long-sleeve button down polo shirt tucked in his black trousers. Bukas ang unang dalawang butones ng top n’ya. His hair was in a slick back style. Dahil sa ayos n’ya ay alam kong may pupuntahan s’ya ngayon at maiiwan na naman ako ritong mag-isa sa safe house n’yang napapaligiran ng mga tauhan n’ya.

Hindi ko rin naman iyon ramdam dahil nga nakakulong naman ako rito sa kwarto.

I looked at him with pleading eyes.

“I have a business. I have a shop. May mga empleyado akong kailangan kong pasahurin.”

“I already took care of it,” sabi n’yang hindi inaalis ang pagkakatitig sa mukha ko.

Napamaang ako sa kanya. I was confused at what he just said.

“Anong you already took care of it?” I asked. The beating of my heart was slowly getting fast.

I’m having a bad feeling about it.

“I paid for them. You don’t have to worry about them anymore.”

My lips parted. Hindi ko mapaniwalaan ang sinabi n’ya. Napatayo pa ako at ilang segundo pang tumitig lang sa kanya.

Anong he paid for them? Binayaran n’ya na sina Millie at Andrea? He said it as if it was nothing! Alam kong hindi problema sa kanya ang pera pero ang paraan ng pagkakasabi n’ya ay para bang iyon ang pinakanormal na gawin. And he did it without telling me first!

“What about my shop? Don’t tell me pinasara mo? Did you pay my assistants para tumigil nang magtrabaho sa ’kin?” Hindi ko na napigilan ang pagtaas ng boses ko.

He frowned. He looked at me as if he couldn’t believe that I would think that of him.

“No… Of course not,” sabi n’yang umiiling-iling at nilapitan ako. Marahan n’yang hinawakan ang magkabilang mga braso ko. “I know how important your shop is to you so I will never do that, Natalia. I just paid your assistants their salaries. I’ll be the one who’ll pay for them from now on.”

Naiinis na inalis ko ang mga kamay n’yang nasa braso ko at humakbang palayo sa kanya. He looked a bit surprised at what I did pero maya-maya ay napalitan din ng ekspresyon ang mukha n’ya. Halatang hindi n’ya nagustuhan ang ginawa ko.

But I’m pissed at him as well. Hindi ko rin nagustuhan ang ginawa n’ya!

“You have no right to do that, Serj! Wala kang karapatang galawin ang shop ko at ang mga tauhan ko! It is my shop! Stop controlling every damn thing in my life!”

“I’m just trying to help.”

“Help?” halos sumigaw na ko. “If you want to help me, let me out and let me go back home! Kailangan ako ng shop ko! I want to go back to my life!”

Serj stared at me. Mukhang wala lang sa kanya na halos sigawan ko na s’ya dahil sa galit na nararamdaman ko. I feel so frustrated right now.

“Your shop will be fine even without you. Your life is here,” he said. “With me.”

Hindi makapaniwalang tinignan ko s’ya. Pagkatapos ay nagpakawala ako ng marahas na buntong-hininga. Halos masabunutan ko na ang sariling buhok dahil sa frustration na nararamdaman ko.

God… How did everything turn out like this?

“Serj…” mahinahon kong sabi. “Sumama ako sa ’yo rito para magbakasyon at pansamantalang takasan ang problema ko sa Pilipinas. Problem that I didn’t know that you created. Wala nga sa plano kong magtagal dito!”

Nagsalubong ang dalawang makakapal n’yang kilay. He was getting mad; I know, but he was still trying to keep it in.

“It’s not my fault if Yakov’s a cheater! The problem is there because he cheated!” he reasoned.

Marahas kong naisuklay ang mga daliri sa buhok ko.

“I know! He is a cheater! Hindi ko naman dinedepensahan ang pagiging cheater n’ya!” Muli na namang tumataas ang boses ko kaya huminga muna ako nang malalim. “Paulit-ulit na tayo. I know you’re smart. Hindi ka tanga, Serj, para hindi makuha ang punto ko. I just didn’t like how you manipulated the situation, how you controlled everything around me. Hindi mo ba talaga makita kung anong mga maling ginawa mo?”

“I did that to make you mine.”

“Iyon nga, eh! I felt controlled! I felt manipulated because of what you did!” Nangingilid na ang luha sa mga mata ko dahil sa sobrang frustration. “Then I would find out na may kinalaman ka rin pala kung bakit nakilala ang shop ko! When all along I thought it was because of my designs!”

“It is!” He looked really pissed right now. “Didn’t you also understand what I told you? I just told that woman about your shop! I had nothing to do when she got to like your work! She liked it because you have a talent!”

Marahas kong pinunasan ang luhang tumulo sa pisngi ko. Damn it! Bakit ba naiiyak ako kapag sobrang inis at frustration ang nararamdaman ko? Ayoko ng ganito ’cause it makes me look weak and a crybaby!

Serj looked frustrated as well. Na para bang kung magagawa lang n’yang literal na ipasok ang punto n’ya sa utak ko ay gagawin n’ya para maintindihan ko ’yon.

And I wanted to do the same to him! Dahil mukhang hindi n’ya pinagsisisihan ang mga ginawa n’ya! Mukhang hindi n’ya talaga nakikita ang mali n’ya!

I sighed. My emotions are in turmoil right now. Hindi ko na alam kung anong uunahin kong maramdaman. Kung inis ba, o ’yung frustration ko. Or… that weird feeling that’s been poking me so I would turn my attention to it and consider recognizing that emotion.

Sinubukan kong pakalmahin ulit ang sarili ko.

“You controlled the whole situation around me, Serj. You know how much I hated that.  All of that just to get me.” I stared at him. “ I don’t want to hate you. Kaya sana, bago pa matabunan ng galit ko ang pagmamahal ko sa ’yo, pauwiin mo na ko.“

I saw him clenched his jaw as he gritted his teeth. His blue eyes turned so cold when he stared at me but I held my gaze. I know he could see in my eyes the pain I was feeling. Kaya nasisilip ko rin ang emosyon sa mga mata n’yang pilit n’yang itinatago sa kalamigan.

“No,” mariin n’yang sabing alam kong hindi na talaga magbabago ang isip n’ya kahit ano pang gawin ko. “You said you love me… Then you should stay here by my side.”

That’s when I finally realized that there was nothing I could do to change his mind. His decision is final.

Pagkatapos n’yang sabihin iyon ay sinabihan n’ya akong magsabi lang sa mga tauhan n’ya ng mga kailangan ko. Then he was off to wherever he needed to go.

Wala akong magawa kundi ang tumunganga na lang. Serj confiscated my phone. Mas lalo lang kasi s’yang nagalit nang malaman ang naging pag-uusap namin ni Yakov sa chat. I think he wouldn’t trust me anymore to give me anything where I could contact someone to help me go home.

Serj gave me things I could use if I ever wanted to make a design. But with the situation I’m in right now, I doubt if I could draw even a single line.

Gusto kong tawanan ang nangyari sa buhay ko. Before, I wouldn’t even imagine that a man I fell in love with would lock me up in a room. Ang akala ko talaga noon, nang sumama ako sa kanya rito sa Russia ay makakatakas na ako sa pagkokontrol sa akin ng mga magulang ko, lalo na ni Mommy. Pero mas malala pa pala ang gagawin ng lalaking mamahalin ko.

And my parents… Kahit na sinubukan kong maging mabait na anak, na sundin ang lahat ng mga gusto nila, at the end, I guess they didn’t treat me as their child after all. Parang isang bagay lang ako na magagamit nila at kaya nilang ipagpalit.

I had enough. Ayoko na. I’m done trying my best for them. I’m done being a good daughter. I’m done being a nice person,

Right now, gusto ko na lang makauwi para makausap ang mga magulang ko. I wanted to tell them about all that pain and resentment that got bottled up after all these years of trying to be the best daughter for them.

But what about Serj?

Natigilan ako sa sariling tanong na ’yon at naipikit ko na lang ang mga mata ko. Ayoko na munang mag-isip. Pagod na kong mag-isip.

It was Killian who brought me my breakfast the next morning. May palagay na ako kung bakit. Iniiwasan ni Serj na magkasagutan ulit kami. Iniiwasan rin n’yang kulitin ko na naman s’ya sa kagustuhan kong umuwi.

“Kumusta ka rito?” tanong ni Killian matapos ipatong ang tray ng pagkain sa bedside table.

Napangiti ako. Bahagyang gumaan ang pakiramdam. It’s ironic how I feel scared and creepy whenever he was around but right now, his presence helped me. Lalo na nang kausapin n’ya ako sa Tagalog.

I know even if I ask him to help me go back home, hinding-hindi n’ya ako tutulungan kaya hindi ko na sinubukan pa.

“Ayos naman,” I said. Hindi ako gumalaw sa pagkakaupo ko sa kama. “Si Serj?”

He shrugged his shoulders.

“Busy,” he just said. Pagkatapos ay tinitigan ako na ikinailang ko kaya nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kanya.

Kaya naiintindihan ko si Irina kung bakit hindi s’ya komportable kay Killian. The way he looks at someone is always… uncanny.

“Can I give you some advice?” he said kaya naman muli akong napatingin sa kanya.

“Ano ’yon?”

“If you want him to at least let you out in this room, stop asking him to bring you back home,” he said. “Serj is considerate kahit hindi halata. Lalo na sa ’yo.”

Saglit akong napatawa.

“Ayaw n’ya nga akong pauwiin.”

“May ibang meaning sa kanya ang kagustuhan mong umuwi. He sees that as you want to get out of his life too.”

Natigilan ako sa sinabi ni Killian kaya napatitig tuloy ako sa kanya. He was looking at me as if he was expecting me to understand the meaning behind it. And I did.

Ganoon ang iniisip ni Serj dahil sa ginawa ni Tita Tessa sa kanya.

Huh… Me wanting to go back to the Philippines might’ve triggered what happened before. Iyong sinabi ni Tita Tessa na may kailangan lang s’yang ayusin sa Pilipinas pero hindi na sila binalikan. Pagkatapos ay nalaman na lang nilang may iba nang pamilya si Tita Tessa.

Killian’s scary eyes turned gentle for a second when he saw that I understood what he meant. Pagkatapos ay bumuntong-hininga s’ya.

“Consider my advice, Natalia,” he said then politely bowed at me. “I’ll go now, madame .”

Pinanood ko lang s’yang maglakad papuntang pinto at lumabas ng kwarto. It was when he finally closed the door and left me alone again in the room that I realized that he had called me by my name again.

Hindi madalas gawin ni Killian iyon. I think the first and the last time he called me by my name was when it was my first day here in Russia. Pagkatapos ay ngayon na lang ulit. I think he did that as to let me know he was talking to me not as his boss’ woman but as a person with a choice.

Nahalata ko rin naman ’yon. Serj didn’t want me to talk about wanting to go back. Nagkakasagutan kami dahil iginigiit n’yang hinding-hindi n’ya ako pauuwiin.

Now that Killian gave me the idea why Serj is being like that, I think I might consider his advice. Pero hindi ibig sabihin noon na isinusuko ko na ang kagustuhan kong umuwi.

I have my own pain and trauma too. Alam ’yon ni Serj. And I realized that because of what happened, pareho naming nasasaktan ang isa’t isa.

It’s not healthy. I needed time and space to think through everything. kailangan kong huminga. Gusto kong magpahinga muna.

I followed Killian’s advice. Hindi ko na muling binanggit kay Serj ang kagustuhan kong umuwi sa tuwing nasa kwarto ko s’ya. And I saw the changes.

Three days after that, Serj let me get out of the room. But not of the house.

I was able to entertain myself by watching movies on TV. Nabawasan ang pagkainip ko dahil may mapagkakaabalahan na ako. And after another three days, when I asked him to let me out as I wanted to take a walk on the grass just outside the house to get inspiration ’cause I told him I wanted to design again, Serj let me do what I wanted.

Nang makalabas ako ay saka ko lang mas naramdaman ang ginagawa sa ’kin ni Serj. I felt even more suffocated as the wind blew my hair, as I felt the grass tickling my feet, as I felt the warm rays of the sun on my skin.

He was locking me up. He was preventing me from leaving, from going home.

And I couldn’t understand the pain I was feeling for him. Hindi ko mapaniwalaan na sa kabila ng ginagawa n’yang pagkukulong sa ’kin ay nakaramdaman pa ako ng sakit para sa kanya.

My heart ached for him. Dahil nagawa ni Serj ang ganito dahil sa pang-iiwan ng mismong ina n’ya sa kanya noon. Because of that, he managed to do something like this.

“Where will you go this time?” tanong ko nang makitang nakabihis na naman s’ya sa umagang ’yon nang dalhan n’ya ulit ako ng breakfast sa kwarto.

“I have something to talk about with my dad,” he said as he sat beside me at the end of the bed.

He reached for my face. Naramdaman ko ang paglapat ng palad n’ya sa pisngi ko. I almost cried with how warm his palm was. I almost cried when I felt the pain in my chest.

God… I still love this man so much. Despite what he did, he still made me the happiest.

“Can I go with you?” marahan kong tanong. Tinatantya ang magiging reaksyon n’ya. “Gusto ko lang kumustahin ang dad mo.”

Serj stared at me. I noticed that he was looking at me as if he was searching for something. I smiled at him. Sinubukan kong itago ang kabang nararamdaman ko.

“Hindi ako makakatakas, Serj. Alam mo ’yon. The place would still be surrounded by your men,” I said. “I don’t even think I could escape the country without you knowing. Your family is too powerful.”

“You’re not planning to escape?” naninigurado pang tanong n’ya.

Nag-init ang mga mata ko dahil hindi ko inaasahan ang sakit na naramdaman ko sa dibdib ko dahil sa naging tanong n’ya.

My God… How hurt was he when his mom left him?

Hinawakan ko ang kamay n’yang nakalapat sa pisngi ko at hinaplos iyon pababa sa braso n’ya.

“Of course not, Serj… Gusto ko lang ding sumama sa ’yo at kumustahin ang dad mo.”

Serj was quiet for a while. I know he was considering my request. At nang tumango s’ya ay mas dumoble pa ang sakit sa dibdib ko.

“Okay,” he said. “It might help you get another inspiration for your design.”

I tried to smile but I was in so much pain that my lips trembled.

“Magbibihis lang ako,” sabi ko at mabilis na tumayo para itago sa kanya ang mga emosyong nagpapakita na ngayon sa mukha ko. “Just wait for me downstairs.”

Hindi rin nagtagal ay bumabyahe na kami papunta sa main house ng mga Romanov. Magkahalong kaba at sakit ang nararamdaman ko ngayon sa dibdib ko.

Humilig ako sa dibdib ni Serj habang nasa backseat kami as Killian drove the car. Hinayaan n’ya ako at mas hinapit pa ang katawan ko palapit sa kanya. When I felt him kiss my hair, I almost lost it.

God… Please let him recover from this.

Ilang sandali ay tumigil din ang sasakyan. Serj was holding my hand when we finally entered the main house.

“Natalia, I’m glad to see you again,” Aleksandr regarded my presence before he looked at his son. “I didn’t know you’d bring here today.”

“She said she wanted to check on you,” sabi ni Serj na pumulupot ang braso sa bewang ko.

I gave Aleksandr a smile when he looked at me again. But I know, I know he saw something in my eyes, or probably because he knew my smile isn’t genuine, that he noticed something. Muli n’yang binalingan si Serj.

“Wait for me in the study room, son. I have something to talk about with Natalia.”

Serj frowned. Nalilito pang napatingin sa ’kin bago ibinalik ang tingin sa ama.

“Why?” Ang sunod na sinabi n’ya ay sa wikang Russian na.

Aleksandr answered in Russian as well before he smiled.

“Go on. The visitor is already there.” He looked at Killian. “Killian, samahan mo na si Serj.”

I could see that Serj was being reluctant. Pero naisip n’ya sigurong ama n’ya si Aleksandr. He trusts him. His father will always be on his side.

But his father is a Mafia too.

Hinalikan muna ni Serj ang gilid ng ulo ko bago ako pinakawalan.

“See you later, love,” he said.

I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. Hindi ko na sinubukang ngumiti dahil alam kong hindi ko rin naman magagawa.

“I love you, Serj…”

The side of his lips rose. He gave me a hard kiss on the lips.

“And I’m in love with you, Natalia.”

Halos maiyak ako nang sa wakas ay tumalikod na s’ya at nagsimulang maglakad. Hindi ko na inintindi ang titig sa akin ni Killian ng mga ilang sandali bago sumunod kay Serj.

Nang masigurong wala na ang dalawa sa mga paningin namin ay saka ako binalingan ni Aleksandr. He looked so serious this time I almost had a glimpse of how he was when he was still the head of the Romanov family.

“Tell me what it is you want to say.”

Napalunok ako at mas bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko.

“You told me that if I will need anything, you will be at my service,” rinig ko ang panginginig sa boses ko. “Is that still open?”

“The Mafia doesn’t go back with their words, Natalia…” the way he said my name so seriously was so scary I almost backed down.

But no. I need to do this. I need to.

“I need your help,” hindi pa rin nawawala ang panginginig sa boses ko.

“With what?” he asked. His expression didn’t change.

I took a deep breath. I looked him straight in the eye.

“Help me go back home. Help me to stay away from Serj.”

Chapter 45

Aleksandr invited me to his office so we could talk. There was a set of sofas there, a coffee table was in the middle, where visitors could sit. Naupo ako roon sa couch habang hinihintay s’yang nagsasalin ng alak na nandoon na mismo sa loob ng office n’ya. Inalok n’ya ako pero agad din naman akong tumanggi.

He was holding a whiskey glass in his right hand when he sat on the one-seater sofa on my right. Nilaro n’ya muna iyon bago uminom at inilapag ang baso sa coffee table na nasa harapan namin. Ipinatong n’ya ang isang siko sa armrest ng sofa. He leaned his body on that side as he crossed his legs, ready to listen to whatever I was about to say.

“May I ask why, out of all the things you could have asked me for, you chose to ask for my help in staying away from my son?” marahan ang pagkakasabi n’ya but his tone was formal. “Pwede ring hindi mo sabihin sa ’kin, hindi kita pinipilit. But as someone who will lend you help and as Serj’s father, I believe I have a right to know why.”

I looked down at my hands that were on my lap. Hindi ko kayang salubungin ang mga tingin n’ya. Hindi ko kayang makita ang asul n’yang mga mata. The resemblance between him and his son was too strong. I feel like I was looking at Serj.

Kung ganito na ang nararamdaman ko habang kausap ko ang ama n’ya, paano pa kaya kung si Serj na?

I never really intended to ask for Aleksandr’s help. When he said that he would repay me for my kindness for what I did with Serj, hindi ko sineryoso ang sinabi n’yang ’yon. My feelings for Serj are real and genuine. Minahal ko s’ya nang walang inaasahang kapalit. Kaya wala talaga sa plano ko ang hingin ang tulong n’ya.

Ang akala ko ay hindi ko kakailanganin iyon. Ang akala ko ay walang mangyayari na sobra akong magiging desperada para hingin ang kabayarang sinasabi n’ya dahil minahal ko si Serj. But with everything that has happened lately, I have no other choice.

Aleksandr wasn’t really on my mind when I was thinking about how I could get home. He is Serj’s father after all. Not until Serj told me he would have to meet him. Saka ko lang naalala ang pangakong ’yong sa ’kin ni Aleksandr.

Asking for his help was so sudden but my decision to go home and stay away from Serj was final. Matagal ko nang pinag-isipan iyon simula nang malaman ko ang lahat.

I took a deep breath. Tinapangan ko ang loob ko at sinalubong ang tingin sa ’kin ni Aleksandr. He’s a Mafia. I know it’s best to look them in the eye when negotiating.

“I feel like… I’m not good for Serj… We’re not good for each other… For now.”

Aleksandr gave me a frown.

“For now?” he asked, confusion obvious in his eyes.

I nodded.

“Hindi ko naman planong habang-buhay na lumayo sa kanya. I just… needed time and space to sort myself out. Pakiramdam ko kasi habang nandito pa ’yung sakit at hinanakit ko sa mga magulang ko, hindi ko magagawang mahalin ng buo si Serj. At hangga’t nando’n pa rin ang sakit at epekto ng ginawa ni Tita Tessa kay Serj, hindi mawawala ’yung takot sa kanyang maiwanan. Hindi n’ya magagawang magtiwala sa iba.”

Natahimik si Aleksandr. Ako naman ay tinitigan lang s’ya. Hindi ako magaling bumasa ng emosyon ng tao at kung anong iniisip nila . Unlike Serj. Unlike them.

But for a moment… I think I saw Aleksandr looked relieved. Pero nawala rin naman agad iyon kaya inisip kong guni-guni ko lang.

Isa pa, why would he feel relieved when I am planning to leave his son?

But when Aleksandr gave me a small smile, so small that the side of his lips only rose a little, I knew I didn’t see it wrong.

“When you told me you are planning to stay away from my son, I thought it was because of him being a Mafia,” he let out a relieved chuckle. “Natakot ako at nasaktan para sa anak ko. Nahiling ko na sana hindi na lang ganito ang buhay na ibinigay ko sa kanya.”

Mabilis akong umiling bago pa n’ya matapos ang sinasabi n’ya.

“Tanggap na tanggap ko ho ang pagiging Mafia ni Serj. I accepted him for what and who he is. There might be fear in me for danger and what he’s doing but I will never leave him because of that.”

Aleksandr nodded, looking satisfied with my answer.

“But you still think that you both are not good enough for each other. Why?”

Napahugot ako nang malalim na paghinga.

“Actually… Serj is more than enough for me,” I admitted how I felt. “Kaya pakiramdam ko… hindi ako nakakabuti sa kanya. Habang kasama n’ya ’ko, mas lumalala ang epekto ng pang-iiwan sa kanya ni Tita Tessa noon. He still hasn’t recovered from the trauma that it caused. Although, I know it’s hard to recover from that when he is hurt so much. It is hard to forget the pain… But…”

“It’s affecting others,” pagtatapos ni Aleksandr sa sinabi ko nang ilang sandali akong hindi magsalita. “It’s affecting the people who truly love him.”

I nodded. The pain in my chest started growing as I talked about the man I love.

“It’s also affecting him,” I said. “Mas dumoble ang takot n’yang maiwanan. He thinks he has to lock the people he loves to stay with him.”

“Did something happen?” Aleksandr asked, frowning.

I bit my lower lip. Muli akong napatungo habang iniisip kung paano ko maipaliliwanag sa kanya ang lahat.

“Maraming sitwasyon ang minanipula ni Serj para sa ’kin. He controlled… almost everything to make sure I would stay with him. He tried to lock me up when I told him I wanted to go home after I found out about it.” I started to play with my fingers. “Now I’m worried he would always recall what happened before if I’m with him. Lagi lang n’yang maaalala ’yung sakit sa nangyari noon. Mas lumalala ’yung takot n’ya.”

Ilang sandaling hindi nagsalita si Aleksandr. Nanatili lang naman akong nakayuko. Pinapanood ko ang paglalaro sa mga daliri ko. I need to stop talking for a while ’cause I felt the pain as my throat constricted. Para bang may bikig na nakaharang doon kaya nahihirapan na akong magsalita.

I knew there was another reason. Hindi ko lang masabi kay Aleksandr dahil hindi ko pa iyon naaamin sa sarili ko. ’Cause that emotion, that truth is scaring me. Kaya nga napagdesisyunan ko ring lumayo na muna kay Serj dahil alam kong may kailangan akong gawin para sa nararamdaman kong ’yon.

“You’re worried for Serj…” narinig kong sabi ni Aleksandr. “You’re more worried about his trauma and not about him controlling and locking you up.”

Bigla ang panlalamig ng katawan ko roon. I stilled. Kahit ang paglalaro sa mga daliri ko ay napatigil. I just stared down at my hands.

Kahit ano palang gawin ko, kahit na pilit kong itinatago iyon sa sarili ko, kahit na pilit kong iniignora iyon, the truth would still come out. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba Mafia si Aleksandr kaya napansin n’ya agad iyon o talagang halata lang sa ’kin iyon.

Dahan-dahan akong nag-angat ng tingin. Ang bikig sa lalamunan ko ay mas lalo yatang lumaki at hindi na ako makalunok. It was painful. Nag-init ang sulok ng mga mata ko at naramdaman ko ang pangingilid ng mga luha ko.

Aleksandr was looking at me. He was just looking. Hindi ko mabasa ang emosyon sa mga mata n’ya. Which was I felt quite thankful for. Hindi ko yata makakaya kung makikita ko ang… ang pandidiri doon.

I know, na kahit hindi ko pa aminin sa kanya, alam na n’ya ang problema ko.

I chuckled nervously. Muli akong napatingin sa mga kamay ko pero ibinalik ko rin ang tingin kay Aleksandr na naghihintay lang ng sasabihin ko. Mapait akong napangiti sa kanya.

“There was…” I cleared my throat when my voice came out hoarse. “There was someone who told me that I am a submissive person. That I like being controlled. Nagalit ako nu’ng sinabi n’ya sa ’kin ’yon. I felt offended. After all, buong buhay akong naging kontrolado ng mga magulang ko. And I did everything for them pero kahit kailan, hindi ako naging sapat sa kanila.”

I took a deep breath when I felt my chest tighten. Hinding-hindi na yata mawawala ang sakit sa dibdib ko sa tuwing pinag-uusapan ang mga magulang ko. That’s why I think… I really need to get this out of my chest.

“So when Serj came into my life and he gave me the chance to get out of the leash, to get out of my controlling parents, sumama agad ako sa kanya. And then nalaman ko na ganoon din pala ang ginawa n’ya. He controlled and manipulated things around me.” Muli kong kinagat ang ibabang labi ko. “But… with everything that had happened, I realized na tama ang sinabi sa ’kin nu’ng taong ’yon. I like being controlled… by Serj.”

There. I did it. I finally admitted it. At hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ko sa mga sandaling ’to.

I already noticed it. Iyong sa mga maliit na bagay pa lang. Those little things when Serj was being controlling. Those times when he demanded something of me. Doon sa mga panahong pinapasunod n’ya ako. Nahalata ko na.

I felt the thrill. I felt goosebumps traveling through my entire body whenever I heard his authoritative voice. The voice that he used which tells me I have no other choice but to obey him. And when he was being strict, it always made my heart race.

“I know what he did is wrong, of course. Even though I wanted it. And it’s not good for both of us,” I continued. “Lalo na kay Serj. Pero kung hahayaan ko lang s’ya, hindi n’ya makikita ang maling ginagawa n’ya. Patuloy n’ya lang gagawin ’yon sa bawat sitwasyon na para bang iyon ang tamang gawin. Na para bang iyon ang solusyon. Mas lalong… hindi magiging maayos ang lahat.”

“I understand what you’re trying to tell me,” sabi ni Aleksandr nang makitang nahihirapan na ako sa pagsasalita. “I understand why you said you’re not good for each other. Serj has the trauma of being left behind so he tried to control you and locked you up. But you wanted it… And you think that it might not be good for Serj dahil hindi mawawala ang takot n’ya.”

“He will never recover from what Tita Tessa did to him kung hahayaan ko lang s’ya dahil gusto ko ang ginagawa n’ya,” I said. Nag-iinit na naman ang mga mata ko. “But I want him to be okay. To be free from his painful past.”

Napatango-tango si Aleksandr.

“Have you tried talking with Serj about this?” he asked. Nananantya ang tono ng boses n’ya na para bang iniiwasan n’yang mas masaktan ako.

“I did,” I said. My voice was breaking. “Pero laging nauuwi sa pagtatalo ang pag-uusap namin. Ayaw n’yang makinig. Our relationship is not healthy anymore. It’s draining both of us.”

Ilang sandaling hindi nagsalita si Aleksandr kaya nagkaroon ako ng panahon para subukang pakalmahin ang sarili ko. Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko.

I knew I’m not scared. Aleksandr was doing his best to listen to me. Kaya naisip kong ang sakit sa dibdib ko ang dahilan ng panginginig ng mga kamay ko.

I felt like I’m betraying Serj by doing this. But what can I do? Ayaw makinig ni Serj. His mind was set on locking me up whenever I’m bringing up my wanting to go home. Lagi lang kaming nagtatalo kapag ganoon ang pinag-uusapan namin. And it’s not good.

I feel like I have to do something. At ito lang ang naiisip ko.

We both need space. We both need to heal. From everything. Para malaya na akong mahalin s’ya.

“I understand…” sabi ni Aleksandr maya-maya kaya muli akong napatingin sa kanya. 

“You’ll help me?” tanong kong hindi alam kung matutuwa o mas masasaktan.

Aleksandr took a deep breath.

Sumandal s’ya sa upuan at binigyan ako ng isang magaang ngiti.

“Before I’ll answer that, can you listen to me first? There’s something I want to tell you.”

I nodded. I tried to relax as I readied myself to listen to him.

“Thank you,” magaan ang ngiting nasa mga labi n’ya nang makita ang pagtango ko. “After this, if you still want to do it, then I would have to respect your wish.”

Muli akong tumango habang pinipigilan na naman na pagtuunan ng pansin ang sakit na unti-unting bumabalot sa dibdib ko.

He said he would respect my wish. Ibig sabihin… papayag s’ya sa gusto kong gawin? He’ll help me leave his son? He’ll help me stay away from Serj?

“Serj was just a five year old kid when his mother left him,” sabi ni Aleksandr at may nabasa akong kung anong emosyon sa mga mata n’ya. “During those five years that Tessa took care of our son, she showered him love. Nakita ko naman kung gaano n’ya kamahal ang anak namin. And Serj felt it too. Naging malapit s’ya sa ina n’ya. Hindi na nga ako pinapansin kung minsan.”

He chuckled. But there was pain in his eyes kaya naramdaman ko rin ang sakit sa pagtawa n’yang iyon.

“That’s why when his mother left him… He got hurt. So much.” Mapait ang mga ngiting nagpakita sa mga labi n’ya. “Tessa told us that she would come back. Pinaniwalaan ’yon ni Serj. He waited for his mom. But two years after she left us, nalaman naming nagkaro’n na s’ya ng bagong pamilya sa Pilipinas.”

Hindi ko na napigilan ang pagtulo ng mga luha ko. Biglang pumasok sa isip ko ang larawan ng isang batang Serj na naghihintay sa pagbabalik ng ina n’ya. But she never came back. At nagkaroon pa ng bagong pamilya na hindi man lang nila alam.

“Hindi ipinahalata ni Serj na masyado s’yang nasaktan. He acted normal. But I knew that my son was hurting. Of course, I’m his father.” His eyes were glistening with unshed tears. “Then there was the problem of being the next head of the Romanov family because of what happened. For years, Serj tried proving himself to the family. I trained him harshly. ’Cause I want the family to accept him too which after some time, happened.”

I controlled my sobs. I know. Hindi lang naman si Serj ang nahirapan. His father suffered too. I knew he was regretting what happened. Nasabi n’ya na sa ’kin noon.

“What I didn’t know was that it affected Serj’s thoughts about love,” Aleksandr continued. “He thought love is like that. That those people he loves would eventually leave him. That he had to exert great effort to prove himself and for people to love him back. Kasi kung hindi, iiwanan lang s’ya.”

Hindi ko na talaga napigilan ang mga hikbi ko. I started to cry right in front of Aleksandr. Hindi ko na kinaya ang sakit na nararamdaman ko sa dibdib ko. Para kay Serj.

I wonder how he felt growing up with that kind of thought? ’Yung nandoon ’yung takot na hindi ka mamahalin pabalik ng mga taong mahal mo kasi pakiramdam nila, kulang ka. And so, you have to do everything to prove to them that you’re worth loving.

God… I couldn’t imagine that a child would have that kind of thought.

“He never meant to hurt you, hija…” marahang sabi ni Aleksandr dahil hindi ko na talaga makontrol ang mga hikbi ko. “Because he was raised like that, iyon lang talaga ang alam n’yang kahulugan ng pagmamahal. Minahal ka n’ya sa paraang alam n’ya.”

I nodded. Sunod-sunod akong tumango habang patuloy pa rin sa pagtulo ang mga luha ko.

Aleksandr gave me a kind smile. It was so fatherly that I cried so hard.

“Don’t hate him too much. Don’t blame him. Blame me instead,” he said. “Kasalanan ko. He was like that because of my failed relationship with his mother. S’ya ang pinakanaapektuhan doon. He developed trauma from it. He was scared it might happen to him too.”

Mabilis akong umiling dahil sa mga una n’yang sinabi.

“I never doubted Serj’s love for me. Alam ko pong mahal n’ya ako. Mahal na mahal. Ramdam ko naman po ’yon. At hindi rin po ako nagagalit sa kanya. I just… really want him to be okay. For us to be okay.”

“Sa tingin ko rin, kaya masyadong natakot si Serj ay dahil sa lalaking ’yon.” Napatitig ako kay Aleksandr dahil hindi ko alam kung anong tinutukoy n’ya. “Their son… the proof that his mother left him.”

Ilang sandali akong napatitig pa sa kanya bago nakuha ang sinasabi n’ya. Halos mapasinghap pa ako roon sa gulat.

He smiled at my reaction.

“I know everything. I just didn’t want to meddle ’cause I trust my son. Pero alam kong isa rin iyon sa mga naging dahilan kaya nagawa n’ya ang mga ginawa n’ya sa ’yo,” he said. “Don’t get me wrong, hija. Alam kong mali ang ginawa n’ya at hindi rin sa pinagtatanggol ko s’ya. Gusto ko lang malaman mo ang side ng anak ko. He’s not here to defend himself. And as his father, I ought to do that.”

I nodded to let him know that I understood his intention. Binigyan n’ya ako ng ilang sandali para makapag-isip.

Somehow… I think that Serj and I were alike. We have similarities. We both did our best to get recognition. Out of all people, alam na alam ko ang mga naramdaman din ni Serj noong mga panahong iyon.

It was a horrible feeling. Na para bang kailangan mo pang maghirap at masaktan para lang matanggap ka ng iba. Para lang mahalin ka. For you to have a place in this world.

Is love really like that? Kailangan ba talagang maghirap at masaktan ang isang tao bago makaramdam ng pagmamahal mula sa iba? Mula sa mga magulang?

I thought that parents were the ones who will love you first. Pero bakit parang… kaming dalawa ni Serj, bakit parang sa kanilang pagmamahal pa ang sobra kaming naghirap para lang makuha iyon? Bakit kailangan ang mga magulang pa namin ang nagpahirap sa ’min ng sobra?

How I wished that I was there when Serj was doubting himself. Sana nando’n ako noon para damayan s’ya.

Huh… What an irony. Hinihiling ko pa talaga iyon pero ngayon nga ay hiningi ko pa ang tulong ng ama n’ya para makalayo sa kanya.

“Do you still have the same decision?”

Hindi ako nakapagsalita agad. What I heard from him was still ringing in my ears. Nandoon pa rin ang sakit sa dibdib ko na naramdaman ko nang marinig ang mga pinagdaanan ni Serj. At alam kong hindi na mawawala iyon.

“Would you help me if I say yes?” I asked.

Mabilis ang naging pagtango n’ya na para bang hindi s’ya nagdalawang-isip.

“Of course,” he said so surely.

“Kahit na magalit sa ’yo si Serj?”

He took a deep breath. Alam kong mahirap rin sa kanya iyon pero tumango pa rin s’ya.

“I’m a Mafia, hija. And I made a promise to you. I ought to honor my word.”

Tinitigan ko s’ya. Nakita ko ang katapatan sa mga mata n’ya. And right then, my doubt vanished. Alam kong gagawin n’ya ang lahat para matulungan ako. Kahit na ang anak n’ya ang makakalaban n’ya.

Huh… Magkakagalit silang mag-ama dahil sa ’kin…

“It seems you’re having second thoughts,” pansin ni Aleksandr sa pananahimik ko. “Iiwan na muna kita para makapag-isip kang mabuti. But I will give you some advice.”

Tumayo s’ya. Sinundan ko s’ya ng tingin hanggang sa maglakad s’ya sa pinto at lumingon sa akin.

“Just do what you want, hija. You don’t need to worry about anything else.”

Pagkatapos sabihin iyon ni Aleksandr ay iniwan na n’ya akong mag-isa sa kwartong iyon. The silence helped me to collect my thoughts.

Aleksandr noticed that I was getting worried na magkakagalit silang mag-ama kapag hiningi ko pa rin ang tulong n’ya. That’s why he said that.

I admit that I’m starting to have second thoughts dahil sa mga narinig ko mula sa kanya. Ayoko nang maramdaman ulit ni Serj ang sakit ng pang-iiwan sa kanya. Na alam kong mangyayari sa oras na gawin ko ang plano ko.

But… If I won’t do it, nothing will change. Kahit naman manatili ako sa tabi n’ya, patuloy s’yang matatakot. Patuloy s’yang masasaktan. And I would have to assure him all the time. Because no matter what I do, he will never trust me for it. Dahil ganoon ang tingin n’ya sa pagmamahal.

Now that I think about it, alam kong isa rin sa dahilan kung bakit n’ya ako ikinulong noon, those time when there was a threat of danger, ay dahil natatakot din s’yang iwanan ko dahil sa takot na laging manganganib ang buhay ko. ’Cause I got to experience how dangerous it was to stay with him when those gunners tried to chase us.

Kahit na sinabi kong hindi ko s’ya iiwan dahil sa pagiging Mafia n’ya kahit pa natatakot ako, he still didn’t trust my words.

He will still try to control and lock me up whenever he fears I will leave him.

Huh… It feels like… we’re each other’s destruction. Hindi magiging maayos ang pagsasama namin. Kung hahayaan ko lang na ganito ang lahat.

Serj needs to sort out himself too.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal na akong nandoon sa kwarto nang muling bumukas ang pinto. Nagulat pa ako nang pumasok si Serj at agad n’yang nagtagpuan ang mga mata ko. Napatayo ako sa gulat sa biglang pagsulpot n’ya.

“Let’s go, Natalia,” he said.

Napatingin ako kay Aleksandr na kasunod n’yang pumasok. He was staring at me. I was panicking deep inside ’cause I thought… I thought I wouldn’t see him again.

Aleksandr must’ve seen something in my eyes. Magaling s’yang bumasa ng emosyon. That’s why he stood in between me and Serj.

“Natalia will stay here, Serj.”

Serj frowned at his father. Ilang sandaling tumitig s’ya sa ama bago muling tumingin sa akin na nasa likuran lang ng ama n’ya.

“You still don’t want to go home?” he asked.

Home… Where is my home really?

Hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko. Hindi ako makapagsalita. At mukhang naramdaman na naman iyon ni Aleksandr.

“Natalia will go back to the Philippines. And you will not follow her. You will stay away from her.”

Serj’s eyes snapped back to his father. His frown deepened. Unti-unting nagpapakita ang galit sa mga mata n’ya.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I made a promise to her as repayment for staying with you. And this is what she asked me.” Nanatiling kalmado si Aleksandr sa kabila ng galit sa mga mata ni Serj. “You know we don’t get back with our words, right?”

I saw how anger registered on Serj’s whole face. His jaw clenched. His eyes glaring at his father. It was cold yet it was scary. Halos mapapitlag ako nang bumaling sa akin ang galit n’yang mga mata.

“You asked for his help?” I could hear the pain and betrayal in his voice that almost made me cry.

“Serj—”

Hindi ko na natuloy ang sasabihin ko nang bigla na lang s’yang nasa harap ko at nahawakan ang pulsuhan ko. His grip was tight, making sure I wouldn’t be able to escape from him.

“Serj!” nataranta ako nang simulan n’ya akong higitin at isama sa paglalakad n’ya. I tried to free myself from his grip but it was like steel wrapped around my wrist.

“Sergei!” rinig ko ang pagdagundong ng boses ni Aleksandr. His voice was scary and threatening. Halos mapatigil din ako sa paglalakad kung hindi lang ako hila ni Serj.

But Serj stopped walking. Ang akala ko ay naapektuhan s’ya sa nakakatakot na boses ng ama n’ya pero nang bumalik s’ya para harapin ang ama ay nakita ko ang hindi mapapantayang galit sa mga mata n’ya.

“Stay the fuck out of this, Dad!” he hissed. His voice was almost like acid dripping with so much anger.

Chapter 46

My fear doubled as I looked into Serj’s eyes. Ngayon ko lang nakita ang ganoong katinding galit sa mga mata n’ya. No. That was the first time I saw anyone have that expression. It was frightening yet fascinating, and those cold blue eyes looked like it was burning with anger.

Serj’s expression turned murderous as he looked at his father. For a moment, I even thought he might do something to relieve his anger dahil mukhang hindi na n’ya kayang kontrolin ang galit n’ya. Pero pagkatapos n’yang sabihin ang mga salitang ’yon ay agad din s’yang tumalikod at naglakad na ulit. At dahil hindi pa rin n’ya binibitiwan ang hawak sa ’kin ay napasunod ako sa kanya.

“Serj—” Sinubukan ko ulit bawiin ang kamay ko pero parang bakal ang pagkakahawak n’ya sa ’kin.

I was feeling frustrated. Iyon na naman ’yung ugali n’yang parang hindi s’ya makikinig at ang gusto n’ya lang ang masusunod. I liked him when he’s being like this sometimes pero hindi na sa mga ganitong pagkakataon.

It always frustrates me when he’s being like this. Kaya nagkakasagutan din kami. At kapag ganoon ay mas lalo s’yang hindi nakikinig.

“Let go of her, Sergei!” I heard Aleksandr’s strict voice. “Let go of her or else—”

“Or else what?” Tumigil muli si Serj sa paglalakad at marahas na lumingon sa ama. “What will you do, Dad?”

Naghahamon ang tingin na ibinigay n’ya kay Aleksandr. There was no fear that could be seen in his eyes. As if he was ready for anything. Ang galit pa sa mga mata n’ya ay mas dumodoble lang. Ramdam ko ’yon sa mas humihigpit pang kapit n’ya sa pulsuhan ko.

Pero ramdam ko pa rin ang pagpipigil n’yang hindi tuluyang humigpit ang pagkakahawak n’ya. Sapat na para hindi ako masaktan. And it actually amazed me how he could still control his grip when I could see the fury in his eyes.

“Don’t test me, son.”

Serj being livid was already too much for me but Aleksandr’s threatening voice was another. As I looked at Aleksandr, I saw that his face was calm. His stance was also calm, standing so casually while looking at his son. But his eyes… His eyes told everything. His eyes were enough to let anyone know that he was a dangerous man.

Romanov’s eyes, while they looked mystifying, were also frightening.

Serj chuckled. Hindi makapaniwalang napatingin pa ako sa kanya. Serj actually chuckled despite the threatening look his father was giving him!

What the hell? Ganito ba ang mga Mafia? Parang hindi sila nakakaramdam ng takot, eh halos maginig na nga ako rito!

“You really want to do this, Dad?”

“Serj,” saway ko dahil nakita ko ang pag-igting ng mga panga ni Aleksandr.

“Let the woman go.”

Mas lalo lang nagalit si Serj. He mirrored his father’s expression.

“If you think that I would be a fool to let go of the woman I love, you’re wrong. I am not like you. I am not stupid.”

“Not stupid that you’re locking her up against her will? That she wanted to go back home but you’re not allowing her?”

“Her home is here!”

“It is not! She has a life back in her country! Get that in your head, Sergei!”

Ilang sandaling tinitigan lang ni Serj ang kama. Kulang na lang ay magliyab ang mga mata dahil sa galit na nakarehistro roon. Pero bukod doon ay may iba pa akong nakikita. He was trying to mask that emotion with anger but it was still slipping out. At kung nahalata ko iyon, malamang ay gano’n din si Aleksandr.

“Just stay out of this, Dad,” sabi ni Serj at muli akong hinigit.

Pero hindi pa man kami nakakadalawang hakbang nang mapatigil dahil muling nagsalita si Aleksandr.

“You have to stop thinking that every person you love is as if they are your mother who would eventually leave you.”

Hindi ko inaasahan ang sumunod na kilos ni Serj. Tumigil s’ya sa paglalakad at binitiwan na rin sa wakas ang pagkakahawak n’ya sa ’kin. Pero malalaki ang mga hakbang na naglakad s’ya pabalik at kinuwelyuhan ang ama.

“Serj!” I panicked!

Tatakbuhin ko na sana ang distansya ng mag-ama para… hindi ko alam! Pigilan sila? How could I stop two Mafias who are definitely strong?!

Pero hindi ko na rin naman nagawang makalapit dahil hinarangan ni Killian ang daraanan ko.

“Killian! Stop them!” sabi ko dahil sa tangkad at katawan ba naman ni Killian, paniguradong hindi ako makakalagpas sa kanya. At mas malaki ang tyansa na mapigilan n’ya ang mag-ama sa kung anong pwedeng mangyari.

“And whose fault do you think that was, huh?!” Narinig ko ang galit na boses ni Serj kaya mas lalo akong nag-panic.

I was scared that he would actually punch his father!

“Killian!” sabi ko dahil hindi man lang gumalaw ang lalaking nasa harapan ko. Bakit ba ako pa ang hinaharangan n’ya?!

Nang hindi pa rin s’ya gumalaw ay tiningala ko s’ya. Normally, Killian’s dark green eyes would scare me. But I got confused ’cause there was calmness in his eyes right now. Na para bang hindi nagkakainitan ang mag-ama.

“Let them, Natalia,” Killian said casually. “This is between a father and a son.”

“What?” naguguluhan kong tanong. Pero mas naguguluhan ako sa pagiging kalmado ni Killian.

“They need this,” he said. “Finally.”

Killian looked at the two Romanov with satisfaction in his eyes. Tiningnan ko rin ang mag-ama para hanapin kung bakit ganoon na lang ang reaksyon ni Killian. But all I could see was the frightening tension between them. Hawak pa rin ni Serj ang kwelyo ng ama while Aleksandr was looking at his son with an expression that tells me he was ready for Serj’s anger.

“You let that woman go, dad,” galit na sabi ni Serj na ngayon ay hindi na rin kinayang itago ang sakit sa boses. “I fucking hate her for what she did but you know what? It is your fault too. You just let her go. You just let her leave you! You just let her leave her son!”

“She didn’t want this life, Sergei,” mahinahong sabi ni Aleksandr sa kabila ng galit ni Serj. “How am I supposed to ask her to come back when she told me clearly, she never wanted this life? When she already has another family?”

“So, I had no choice but to accept all of that. That my mother left me because she didn’t want this fucking life. You forced me to just accept all of that.” Rinig ko ang pait sa boses ni Serj. “And then you forced me to train hard so the family would accept me as the next head.”

Binitiwan ni Serj ang ama. He looked at him. Ang mga mata ay puno ng panunumbat at sakit.

“Dad… You never gave me a choice with everything.”

Mas dumoble ang sakit na nakita ko ngayon sa mukha ni Aleksandr. Punong-puno ng pagsisisi ang mga mata n’ya.

“I’m so sorry, son…”

I had to bite my lower lip to divert the pain that was slowly growing in my chest when I heard so much regret in Aleksandr’s voice.

Now I understand what Killian meant earlier. Mukhang ngayon lang napag-usapan ng mag-ama ang tungkol dito. Ngayon lang nakapaglabas ng sama ng loob si Serj.

He kept it all to his father, all these years.

“And when I finally have the one thing, the only thing I want in my life, you’re going to interfere too?” Puno ng hinanakit ang boses ni Serj.

Nag-init ang mga mata ko. I knew even if Serj didn’t specify it, he was talking about me.

“You know I’ve never asked for anything, dad. But only this time. Just give me this one. Is this too much for me to ask?”

For a moment, I saw in Aleksandr’s eyes that he was about to give in. Na nakahanda s’yang ibigay ang kung anumang hinihiling ng anak. But when he glanced at me, his expression changed.

He took a deep breath and sighed. Nang muling tumingin sa anak ay mariing umiling.

“I can’t, Serj,” he said.

Nakita ko ang muling pagbangon ng galit kay Serj pero mabilis na dinugtungan ni Aleksandr ang sinabi n’ya.

“I can’t, because, at the end of the day, it should be Natalia’s choice. Her decision is the most important here. Give her the choice you’re denying her, son.”

Natigilan si Serj at ilang sandaling tinitigan ang ama. Halos hindi na ako humihinga habang hinihintay ang sasabihin n’ya.

I never expected this to happen but I should’ve known that something like this would happen the moment I thought of asking for Aleksandr’s help. He is Serj’s father. Of course, magagalit si Serj. I should’ve known that.

I sighed. Parang gusto ko na lang maiyak. Lalo pa yatang gumulo ang lahat.

“Don’t worry, you did great,” sabi ni Killian kaya napatingin ako sa kanya.

I saw approval in his eyes.

“They finally have the confrontation they needed,” he said but then he smirked after a while. “But I would do whatever my boss says.”

It was a warning. Na kahit pa nagustuhan n’ya ang pagtatalo ngayon ng mag-ama, sa huli ay si Serj pa rin ang susundin n’ya. Ilang sandali ko lang s’yang bago tumingin ulit kay Serj nang marinig ko ang marahas n’yang buntong-hininga.

“I’m not like you, Dad. I won’t make the same mistake that you did.”

Iyon lang at muling naglakad si Serj palapit sa ’kin. His face was stern kaya nang muli n’yang hinigit ang kamay ko ay hindi na ako nakapagreklamo. Nakasunod lang ako sa kanya habang naglalakad dahil hila n’ya ang kamay ko.

Ang akala ko ay aalis na kami roon at ibabalik n’ya ako sa safe house para muling ikulong sa kwarto roon. But I was surprised when he opened the door and pulled me inside. I remember this was the room where I saw him talking with someone. Iyong humawak sa akin at nang muli kong nakita ay putol na ang mga daliri.

Halos mapapitlag ako nang malakas n’yang isinara ang pinto. He started to pace back and forth while brushing his hair with his fingers. He looked frustrated. Mukhang kinakalma n’ya ang sarili pero nahihirapang gawin.

“What the fuck was that, Natalia?!” galit na baling sa ’kin ni Serj nang mukhang hindi na makontrol ang emosyon. I almost jumped when I saw the anger in his eyes.

“Serj, listen—”

“You wanted to leave me that much that you even asked for my father’s help?” I saw betrayal and hurt in his eyes. “Of all people, you chose to ask my father for help?”

“Well, what choice do you think I have? I don’t know anyone here! At kahit na nag-offer si Yakov na tutulungan ako, I won’t ever accept his help!”

“You’ll be damned if you do!”

“I know! Kaya nga hindi ako humingi ng tulong sa kanya. And the only one I could think of as powerful as you that could help me is your father!”

Serj looked at me as if he couldn’t believe what I just said.

“You’re really that desperate to leave me?”

I let out a frustrated sigh. Tinitigan ko si Serj. He looked hurt. There was so much pain and betrayal in his eyes. Ang asul n’yang mga mata ay punong-puno ng emosyon. Nakakalunod.

Parang gusto ko na lang bawiin ang lahat dahil sa nakikita kong epekto no’n sa kanya. Hindi ko kayang makita ang mga mata n’yang napupuno ng sakit. Dobleng sakit ang idinudulot noon sa akin.

But I can’t. I know I can’t. Dahil kung hindi namin aayusin ’to, sa susunod na magkasagutan ulit kami ay magiging malala na. Then we would get exhausted. Sa huli, baka mapagod na rin kaming mahalin ang isa’t isa.

And I didn’t want that to happen. I didn’t want to lose Serj. I love him so much that I’m doing this for him.

“I don’t want to leave you, Serj—”

“But that’s what you’re trying to do!” galit na sabi n’ya.

“I need to fix this—”

“That woman also said something like that.”

Doon na ako hindi nakapagpigil.

“Will you calm down and listen to me just for once?!”

I saw Serj’s jaw move as he clenched his jaw. I had to take a few deep breaths dahil nandoon na naman ang frustration sa dibdib ko na nahahaluan na ng inis. I have to calm down as well.

“This is the reason why I ended up asking for your father’s help,” I tried to say as calmly as possible. “Kasi hindi ka nakikinig. I tried talking to you all the time pero hindi mo ’ko pinapakinggan. Iniiwasan mong makipag-usap sa ’kin. O hindi kaya nagagalit ka sa tuwing binubuksan ko ang topic. Sa huli mauuwi na naman tayo sa pagtatalo.”

I took another deep breath. Iginala ko ang paningin sa loob ng kwarto at naghanap ng upuan dahil alam kong mauubusan ako ng lakas. I saw one in front of the desk. Doon ako naupo at muling bumuntong-hininga.

I looked at Serj and found him just staring at me. He was a few steps away. Pakiramdam ko ay may kulang nang makita ang distansya naming dalawa. I want him near me.

Pero pinigilan ko ang sarili ko. Alam ko, hindi lang ganitong distansya ang papagitan sa amin.

“You’re refusing to face the problem, Serj. Palagi pa tayong nagtatalo dahil ayaw mo akong pakinggan. It’s starting to get exhausting. At ayokong dumating ’yung panahon na sa sobrang pagod ko, mawawalan na rin ako ng lakas na mahalin ka.”

Nakita ko ang pagdaan ng sakit sa mga mata ni Serj. I know. Just the thought of that caused me pain too. Alam ko sa sarili kong hindi naman mawawala ang pagmamahal ko kay Serj. But I needed strength too.

“Shit started when you told me you wanted to get home,” he said.

“’Cause I need to do that. We both need space from each other, Serj. Nakikita ko kasing hindi na maganda ’yung nangyayari sa ’tin. I thought that if I would love you enough, or even more than that ’cause that’s what I feel for you, I thought that it would give you the assurance that you need. Pero hindi, eh. Mas lalo ka lang natakot. Mas dumoble ’yung takot mong maiwan.”

“Because I love you so much, Natalia,” I heard the desperation in his voice.

Hindi naman n’ya kailangang maging desperado na paniwalain ako. I know that he loves me. Ramdam na ramdam ko iyon.

“I know, Serj… Pero masakit para sa ’kin na hindi sapat ’yung pagmamahal ko para mawala ’yung takot mo. I thought that we could forget what happened when we already have each other. Pero sa mga nangyayari… naisip kong kailangan talaga nating harapin ang lahat. I know that sometimes, you can just forget the past. But not this one, Serj. Kailangan nating harapin ’to.”

“By you leaving me?”

Marahan akong umiling sa kanya.

“By both of us having the space we need. Away from each other.”

Serj clenched his jaw. Nakikita ko pa rin ang galit sa kanya pero mas kontrolado na ngayon.

“We both have things we need to sort out with ourselves,” I continued when he didn’t say anything. “I need to have some space to do what I want. To finally do what I want on my own. Iyong wala akong ibang iniisip kundi ang gusto ko lang gawin. To be happy with my decision. To decide freely. Kasi, Serj… iyon ’yung ipinagkait n’yo sa ’kin ng mga magulang ko. Hindi n’yo ko hinayaang magdesisyon para sa sarili ko.”

His adams apple moved as he gulped. There were so many emotions in his eyes that could drown me right now. Kaya nang titigan n’ya ako na nandoon pa rin ang mga emosyong iyon ay halos mawala na ang buong lakas ko.

He took a step towards me. Hindi ko napaghandaan nang lumuhod s’ya sa harapan ko, para magpantay kami. He took both of my hands. Mariin n’ya iyong hinawakan na para bang hindi na n’ya magagawa kapag pinakawalan iyon.

“I’ll give you everything, Natalia. Anything you want. Just… Not this…”

Nakagat ko ang ibabang labi ko nang marinig ang desperasyon at pagmamakaawa sa boses n’ya. As I looked at him, I couldn’t believe I would see him like this, kneeling in front of me. Begging. Mas lalo akong nasaktan sa nakitang ayos n’ya.

“Serj…” nanginig ang boses ko. “You have to learn how to let go.”

“No,” umiiling pang sabi n’ya at mas hinigpitan ang hawak sa mga kamay ko.

“Hindi lang naman ako ang kailangang may ayusin sa sarili ko. You need to sort things out too, Serj. You have to learn that love is not controlling. That love isn’t supposed to be suffocating. That love is freedom.”

He looked me straight in the eyes.

“Hindi mo ba nararamdaman ang mga ’yon sa ’kin?” he asked.

I took a deep breath. Sinubukan kong alisin ang pagkakahawak n’ya sa mga kamay ko pero hindi n’ya ’ko hinayaan. Nagpumilit ako at nang magawa ko ay ako naman ang humawak sa mga kamay n’ya.

“Hindi mo mapaparamdam ang mga ’yon sa iba kung hindi gano’n ang nararamdaman mo, Serj,” I said. “Hindi mo dapat kinukulong ang pagmamahal. Love is not a tie that you will use to bind a person and control them. Love should feel free.”

Love should feel free… Serj and I both didn’t feel that. Dahil sa pang-iiwan ni Tita Tessa sa kanya, Serj was imprisoned with that experience. Nakulong s’ya sa isiping lahat ng tao ay iiwan s’ya. And because of that, he couldn’t feel the freedom of love.

While my parents controlled me and never really gave me freedom. I was never free. Their love made me feel like I was a prisoner.

And now… I wanted to get away. I wanted to be free. At gusto kong ganoon din si Serj.

Serj shook his head. His eyes were in denial.

“I have nothing to sort out for myself, Natalia.”

I smiled softly at him.

“You just got mad at your father. Naiintindihan ko kung bakit but me asking for his help was just a trigger for you to burst out everything you’ve been keeping in,” I said. “If we don’t do this, patuloy lang tayong masasaktan. Patuloy lang tayong magkakasakitan. Walang mangyayari kung hindi natin aayusin ang kanya-kanya nating mga problema.”

“Natalia… You’re hurting me right now. You’re doing what my mother did to me.”

Halos bumuhos ang mga luha ko sa sinabi n’ya. I felt so much pain in my chest. I shouldn’t feel offended ’cause I know Serj was his worries. He’s scared. Pero nasaktan ako sa isiping iniisip n’yang gagawin ko rin ang ginawa ni Tita Tessa.

I cupped his face and stared straight into his eyes. I shook my head firmly. I wanted him to see, to know that I would never abandon him.

“Hindi ko gagawin ang ginawa n’ya. I will come back to you. I won’t even cut our communication but we still need to lie low at contacting each other.”

Nang makita ko ang pag-aalinlangan sa mga mata n’ya ay hinaplos ko ang pisngi n’ya.

“You just have to trust me, Serj. Isang bagay na hindi mo na ginagawa simula nang iwan ka ni Tita Tessa.”

“How could you ask me that when you all know what happened?” he asked. His eyes were so full of hurt that they made my eyes water.

“I know it’s hard. Pero kailangan mong magtiwala. You have to learn that not everyone will leave you, or will abandon you. Iyon na lang ba ang palagi mong mararamdaman sa buong relationship natin?” I gave him a reassuring smile. “You have to learn how to trust, Serj. ’Cause, that’s what love is.”

Hindi nagsalita si Serj at nakatitig lang sa ’kin. I could see that he was trying to understand everything. To understand my point.

Finally. Finally, he listened to me. And I’m so proud of him. Dito pa lang, nakikita ko nang sinusubukan na n’ya.

And I know, I know it wouldn’t be long until everything will be okay for both of us.

“I have issues on my own too. As for me, I need to talk with my parents,” I said. “I want to let the pain go so I can finally love you freely. Without the feeling of guilt for my parents.”

Tinitigan ko ang mga mata n’ya. Those blue eyes always seemed so cold and scary for everyone. Except for me. Nakitaan ko na ng iba’t-ibang emosyon ang mga matang ’yon. Emotions that Serj isn’t afraid of showing me.

I’m so glad I was able to see his eyes expressive.

“We both have to learn to let the pain go for our love to grow,” I said. “And sometimes, it’s not a good thing to always be together. May mga bagay na kailangang ayusin nang magkahiwalay. That’s how both of us will grow. Hindi rin totoo na kailangan laging magkasama sa pag-ayos ng problema. Sometimes, encouragement and the feeling that there is someone who loves us and is waiting for us is enough to have the strength to face the problem alone.”

“Love…”

Napangiti ako nang marinig ang boses n’yang punong-puno ng emosyon.

“Sometimes, it’s best for people to grow separately. That’s how love is. Let each other grow.” I smiled at him. “And when we get back together, for sure, kahit ano pang problema ang hahaharapin natin, kakayanin natin, Serj. Wala nang sisira sa ’tin. ’Cause our love strengthens when we let each other grow.”

Hindi ko alam na napaluha na pala ako kung hindi lang pinunasan ni Serj ang pisngi ko gamit ang daliri n’ya. His touch was so soft it caused pain and fulfillment in my chest.

“I love you so much, Serj,” puno ng pagmamahal na sabi ko sa kanya. “You opened another world to me. My world widened when you came into my life. You showed me a lot of things. You gave me so many opportunities.” I sobbed. “I love you so much that I want to love you purely. With no hang-ups. Na kapag nagugustuhan ko ang ginagawa mong pagko-kontrol sa ’kin, hindi na ako magi-guilty. Hindi ko na maaalala ang parents ko na dahil sa kanila kaya ko nagustuhan iyon. I wanted to love being controlled by you because it is you, Serj… And not because of anything else.”

I tried to blink my tears away. I wanted to see his face clearly. I wanted to memorize every part of his face. Dahil alam kong matagal na panahon kong hindi masisilayan ang mukha n’ya.

And Serj looked like he was doing the same. Nang luminaw ang paningin ko ay nakita kong titig na titig s’ya sa ’kin. His eyes roaming around my face, memorizing every part as if he hadn’t done that before. At nang makita ko sa mga mata n’ya ang pagmamahal at pang-unawa ay halos maiyak ulit ako.

“Until when, Natalia?” he asked.

I sobbed.

“Until we can both finally love each other freely.”

We stared at each other for a while. Para bang alam na namin pareho na hindi na namin ulit magagawa iyon. At iyon na lang ang pagkakataon na ibabaon namin sa mga susunod na araw.

Serj’s eyes glistened as he stared at me. Habang pinapanood kong gumala ang mga mata n’ya sa kabuuan ng mukha ko, where his eyes were enough to tell me how much he loves me, I realized that he already has my heart. At mananatiling nasa kanya iyon sa pagdaan ng panahon.

“I’m in love with you, Natalia… So much… So much that I didn’t know what to do with these feelings,” he said. His eyes never leaving my face. “I never wanted to make you feel I was imprisoning you. I don’t want you to remember only those bad things when you were with me.”

“I understand. Serj…” sabi ko pero bago pa ko matapos ay umiling na s’ya.

“And I understand you too, love… I understand,” he said. “That’s why I’ll do what you want. For you. I want to be a better person for you.”

“Serj—”

“Because I know to myself that… You’re right. I need to stop feeling scared. I acted like a child scared of being left alone.” He stared at me. “I want to make everything right.”

Umiling ako.

“Serj, tanggap kita at naiintindihan ko kung bakit nand’yan ang takot sa ’yo. Pero kailangan mo nang bitiwan ang takot na ’yon.”

Ilang sandali s’yang nakatitig lang sa ’kin. Parang may hinahanap at nang makita iyon ay ngumiti s’ya. He smiled so gently that it surprised me.

“You’re right. You’re different from my mother. You accepted me for who I am. You’re even willing to live this life no matter how it scares you.” Hinawakan n’ya ang pisngi ko. “It will be hard for me to let you go but I will. Because I trust you, love. I know that you will come back to me.”

Hindi ko na talaga napigilan ang pagtulo ng mga luha ko. I know how big a step that was for him. Mas lalo ko lang s’yang minahal dahil doon.

Huh… wala na yatang magiging katapusan ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya.

“I will, Serj… I promise.”

Nang bigyan n’ya ako ng ngiting sinasabing naniniwala at nagtitiwala s’ya sa ’kin ay hindi na ako nakapagpigil pa. I leaned towards him and my hand held the back of his head. Sinalubong n’ya ako at nang maramdaman ko ang init at lambot ng mga labi n’ya sa ’kin ay napapikit ako kasabay ng pagbuhos ng mga luha ko.

Thank you so much, Serj. I love you.

Chapter 47

Pagod kong ibinagsak ang katawan ko sa kama. I let out a sigh before I closed my eyes. Pinakiramdaman ko lang ang kadiliman at ang katahimikan. Ilang sandali akong nasa ganoong posisyon bago ko idinilat ang mga mata at tumitig sa kisame.

The ceiling looked… strange for some reason. I couldn’t feel the familiarity as I stared at it. Para bang bago lang iyon sa paningin ko. Bago sa pakiramdam. Dahil ba ilang buwan din akong hindi nakauwi at hindi natulugan ang kwartong ’to?

It was strange. Dati, gustong-gusto kong tinititigan iyon. Maging ang bawat parte ng bahay ko. After all, I bought this house because of my success. This was the fruit of my hard work. I felt comfortable the most here. This is my home.

Pero ngayon, hindi na ganoon ang nararamdaman ko. I suddenly felt alone.

I miss Serj already.

I went home straight from Russia. Hindi pa nga ako nakakapagbihis pero agad na akong humiga sa kama dahil pakiramdam ko ay pagod na pagod ako.

I travelled back home alone. Gusto pa nga akong ihatid ni Serj pabalik ng Pilipinas using his private plane. Pero tumanggi na ako. Hindi na rin naman ipinagpilitan ni Serj ang kagustuhan n’yang ’yon in exchange that he would take me to the airport and I would update him once I got back home. Plano ko naman talagang i-update s’ya kapag nakauwi na ako but I figured he thought I wouldn’t since I told him that we would lie low at our communication.

Nandoon din si Aleksandr nang inihatid ako ni Serj sa airport. He expressed his gratitude and was about to offer something again pero inunahan ko na s’ya sa pagtanggi.

Serj and his father looked okay though despite their confrontation. The air around them looked… calm. And I knew that Serj would be okay even if I wouldn’t be by his side for a while.

Bumangon ako at kinuha ang phone ko. I should tell Serj I got home. Alam kong naghihintay s’ya ng chat ko.

I opened my phone and typed in a message for him.

Natalia Gonzales:

I got home safely.

I hit send. Napangiti ako nang makitang agad n’yang na-seen ang chat ko. I knew it. He was waiting for it. I also had a feeling that he wanted to contact me, knowing him, for like every hour if he could. Pero sinusunod n’ya ang usapan namin.

He was trying so hard. And I’m just loving him even more because of it.

I looked at my phone when I received a reply from him.

Sergei Alexandrovich Romanov:

That’s good to hear. Rest now, love.

Mas lumawak ang ngiti ko nang mabasa ang reply n’ya. Parang biglang nawala ang lahat ng pagod kong kanina ko lang naramdaman. Si Serj lang talaga ang may kakayahang gumawa sa ’kin ng ganito.

But… I just miss him more. And I know that it would get intense as time goes by.

I have to endure it. For them. Alam ko rin namang ganoon din ang gagawin ni Serj.

I heaved a sigh. Tuluyan na akong tumayo. I took a quick shower before I decided to sleep.

Tomorrow… I would plan what I should do. Now that I finally had the chance to live my life.

But… It wasn’t that easy to plan when all of my life, my parents were in control of me. At ngayong may pagkakataon na akong lumaya, parang… nakaka-overwhelm din pala ang biglaang pagbabago sa buhay mo.

Kanina pa ako nakaupo sa harap ng drafting table ko. Wala sa plano ko ang mag-design for today. I was just thinking about my next step. ’Cause for some reason, whenever I’m in front of my drafting table, ideas would come flooding in my mind. At imbes na sketch pad ang nakalagay doon, phone ko ang nakapatong sa ibabaw ng drafting table ko.

I’ve already thought on what I should do. Pero nawawalan naman ako ng lakas ng loob.

I sighed. I shook it out of my head. Hindi dapat ako maging ganito. I should set everything straight as soon as I can. Para magawa ko na ang mga bagay na gusto ko.

I took my phone. Dere-deretso ang mga daliri ko as I dialled my father’s number. Hindi rin naman ako nag-e-expect na sasagutin n’ya ang tawag ko. Not now that I found out he was planning to run for Presidency. Kaya pala nasabi n’ya noon na tawagan ko lang s’ya kapag importanteng bagay.

But this is important. This is my life.

Nakailang ring pa muna at nagulat pa ako nang kumonekta ang tawag.

“Natalia.” I heard my father’s voice from the other line.

“Dad.” I took a deep breath. Hindi ko napaghandaan na sasagutin n’ya ang tawag ko. “I know you’re busy but… Can we meet? I want to talk to you.”

Hindi ko kaagad narinig ang sagot ni Dad. Instead, I heard someone talking. Kinakausap yata si Dad.

Huh… He’s really busy.

“Is it important?” rinig ko ang malinaw na boses n’ya matapos may sabihin sa kumausap sa kanya.

I nodded.

“Yes.”

Ilang sandaling natahimik ang kabilang linya bago ko narinig ang buntong-hininga ni Daddy na nagpangiwi sa ’kin.

“Alright. Let’s talk over dinner,” he said.

That actually surprised me. Kahit sa tawag ay nahalata kong busy s’ya. But he was making time when I said I wanted to talk to him.

Tipid akong napangiti.

“Thanks, Dad.”

He didn’t say anything and just ended the call. I heaved a sigh of relief. Ang akala ko ay mahihirapan pa akong makahanap ng oras para makausap s’ya. Pinagpaplanuhan ko na ngang kausapin ang secretary n’ya at mag-set ng appointment.

But… I’m glad this turned out well.

I received a text from his secretary about the name of a restaurant. Mukhang doon kami mag-uusap ni Dad. It was a restaurant with private dining rooms. I was thankful for it as to all the things I was planning to say, we needed privacy.

When the night came, nag-ayos na ako at nag-drive papunta sa restaurant na ’yon. I was surprised so many times that day when I saw my father was already there, already waiting when I was just in time.

“Dad,” I said when the server who guided me to the private dining room left. I sat across from where he was sitting. “Did you wait long? I should’ve been early.”

He waved his hand, dismissing what I said.

“It’s okay. Maagang natapos ang meeting kaya dumeretso na ko rito.”

Napatango na lang ako.

“Is mom coming?” I asked and dad shook his head.

“No. When I spoke with her, it seemed like she had no idea about this, so I assumed you only wanted to speak with me.”

I nodded.

“How is she?”

“Your Mom’s well. She’s been with her Amigas a lot lately.” Dad took a sip of his wine. “Kailan ka pa nakauwi?”

“Last night lang po.”

Napatango si dad.

“Did you have fun?”

Saglit pa akong natigilan bago tumango. May maliit na ngiti sa mga labi ko nang sumagot ako sa kanya.

“Yes.”

Dad stared at me for a while. I wasn’t sure but it looked like he was trying to find something on my face. As if he was confirming if I was telling the truth or not. I knew that he saw the small smile on my face.

And… I was unsure if I saw it right when his eyes turned gentle as his face didn’t show any emotion.

“That’s good to hear,” sabi n’ya bago tumawag ng server para makapag-order na kami.

We both ate in silence. Paminsan-minsang sumusulyap ako kay Dad and I couldn’t help but noticed that he looked tired. Mas dumami na rin ang puting buhok n’yang humahalo sa itim n’yang mga buhok. He looked weary.

When did dad start to look this old?

Huh… Come to think of it. I never realized that my parents were getting older and older. Even so, the fear and the anxiousness of making them disappointed in me were still there. I’ve focused on that feeling.

Pero ngayong nakapagdesisyon na akong gawin ang mga gusto kong gawin nang hindi nakadepende sa magiging reaksyon nila, ngayon ko lang napansin na tumatanda na sila.

Before, for me, they were like someone strong. Na walang makakapagpatumba sa kanila. They were big people so I had to do everything to make them proud.

It was now that I realized they’re human too. Tumatanda at napapagod din.

“So? What do you want to talk about?” tanong ni dad nang matapos na kaming kumain.

I took a deep breath. Looking at him who looked worn out as if all he wanted to do right now was to rest made my heart ache.

“How are you, dad?” hindi ko na napigilang tanong dahil sa nakikita kong pagod sa mukha n’ya.

“I’m good, hija,” he said. “Mas naging busy lang ngayon.”

“Don’t forget to watch for your health, dad. No matter how busy you are.”

The side of his lips rose as he nodded.

“Okay…”

“You’re busier now ’cause you’re planning to run for President next election, right?”

Natigilan si Dad. The expression he had on his face right now told me that he wasn’t expecting me to know about it.

“You’ve been busy showing yourself to the public, helping more people ’cause it’s part of your campaign, right?” I continued.

Mukha namang agad na nakabawi si Dad at bumuntong-hininga.

“I’ve been helping people ever since. You know that, Natalia.”

“Yeah… Pero ngayon nagpapakita ka na sa publiko kaya mas naging busy ka na. I thought it was odd since I know how you hate being seen in public when you’re helping. Iniiwasan mo pa nga ang media. You said you’re a politician and not some celebrity. Kaya nagtaka talaga ako kung bakit nag-iba lately. But when I learned you’re planning to run for Presidency, everything came to light.”

“I’m assuming Serj told you about it.”

I nodded. I looked him straight in the eye.

“Yes, dad. He told me everything.” I even emphasized the last word.

I tried to control my voice. I tried to control my emotions pero nasa dibdib ko na ang hinanakit at panunumbat. At mukhang nakita naman iyon ni Dad pero walang sinabi.

“I don’t know what I’ve done why both you and mom were so strict and were always controlling to me,” I said. “It wouldn’t be a problem though if it’s not too much. Too much that I’m already an adult, a successful adult and yet, you’re both still controlling my life.”

“I may be strict but I am never controlling, Natalia.”

I know… I understood what he meant. Dad isn’t like mom that controls every part of my life. But… But with dad, I still felt trapped.

“I know that and I actually understand why you’re strict. You’re a public servant. You want people to be in your favor so they will vote for you. Hindi nga naman maganda kung boboto sila ng isang pulitiko na sa loob pa lang ng bahay ay hindi na maayos ang pamilya. Paano pa kaya kung sa bansa na?” I smiled bitterly at him. “But… Because of that. I felt like I needed to be a perfect daughter.”

I was young when I learned that I shouldn’t do anything that would put dad in a bad light. Mom made me understand that. Paulit-ulit na hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses n’yang pinaalala iyon sa ’kin.

At dahil doon, naintindihan ko rin na kahit si dad naman ang Senator, the public’s eyes would be on me too. Lalo na ng mga kalaban ni dad sa politics. Nakabantay sila para hanapan ng mali si dad at mawala ang tiwala ng mga tao sa kanya.

So, I had to do everything to be a perfect daughter. Bata pa lang ay iyon na ang tumatak sa isip ko.

“Don’t get me wrong, Dad. I love that you’re helping people and serving the country. Pero nahirapan akong mamuhay ng malaya dahil doon. Especially that mom wanted our family to look perfect.”

“Yes… I’m aware of that,” tahimik na sabi ni dad na mas lalo lang nagpasama ng loob ko.

“Yet you never stopped her. Hinayaan n’yong kontrolin n’ya ang buhay ko. Imagine? I’m already at this age yet she’s acting as if I was still a teenager that would make trouble a second she took her eyes off me.”

Isa pa ’yon sa mga naging hinanakit ko. It was as if Mom was expecting me to make a mistake at nakaabang s’ya para pagsabihan ako tungkol doon. Na para bang wala akong ginawang tama sa paningin n’ya.

I took a deep breath. Naninikip ang dibdib ko dahil sumasama ang loob ko. I had to let it out. I knew I had to.

“Hindi ko dapat sinasabi ’to sa inyo, dad, but to mom. Pero hindi lang naman po sa kanya lang ako may hinanakit. Sa inyo rin po,” I admitted. “Serj told me everything. About your plan. Did you have any idea how hurt I was when I found out about it? Gano’n ba talaga ako kawalang-kwentang anak para ipamigay n’yo na lang ako sa ibang tao nang gano’n lang.”

Dad looked like he was offended. He frowned. Halos mag-isang linya na ang mga kilay n’ya and he looked at me as if I said something ridiculous.

“Hindi kita pinamigay, Natalia.”

“You did! You accepted Serj’s help in exchange for me!” puno ng hinanakit na sabi ko. “Bakit parang isang bagay lang ako sa inyo na handang ipagpalit sa kung ano, sa mas may magiging pakinabang sa inyo?”

He was angry. I knew dad was angry right now as he’s always reserved and rarely shows emotion. Lalo na kung negatibong emosyon. But I could see it clearly on his face right now.

It was unfair. Bakit s’ya magagalit? Ako dapat ’yung may hinanakit sa ’ming dalawa. Ang tagal kong tinago ’to at naipon na nga. I just want him to acknowledge it.

But I never took my eyes off him. Alam kong nakikita n’ya ang sakit sa mga mata ko. This was the reason why I wanted to talk to him anyway. Ang makita at malaman n’ya ang mga hinanakit na tinago ko nang sobrang tagal.

Dad stared at me. His jaw moved as he clenched his teeth. Maya-maya ay may nakita akong emosyong dumaan sa mga mata n’yang agad ding nawala nang bumuntong-hininga s’ya.

“That’s not true, Natalia,” mahinahon n’yang sabi. “Alam kong may mga naging pagkukulang ako, pero huwag mo sanang isiping pinamimigay kita at hindi ka importante sa ’kin. You’re my daughter.”

Nag-init ang mga mata ko sa huling sinabi n’ya.

“Then why did you do that? Hinayaan n’yo akong sumama kay Serj which was unusual knowing how strict you are.”

Dad took his wine glass. He moved it a bit and watched the liquid inside as it spun a little with the movement he made. His eyes were serious. Parang may inaalala.

“Charles became a corrupted Chief of PNP,” sabi n’yang pinapanood pa rin ang paggalaw ng alak sa loob ng baso. “Palala nang palala ang pagiging corrupt n’ya. At first, I talked to him about it pero hindi natigil ang ginagawa n’yang korapsyon. Until I decided to cut my partnership with him.”

Napatulala lang ako sa mga sinabi ni Dad dahil hindi ko inaasahan iyon. I’ve never even once thought it was possible. Mabait si Tito Charles. He was a loving husband and father. That’s why I couldn’t help but get surprised with what I’m hearing right now.

“Hindi ko madaling nagawa ’cause your mom thinks na malaki ang utang na loob ko sa kan’ya. Which was true actually. Charles helped me a lot with my candidacy before. And that was why we made a deal to have each other’s backs.” Ibinaba n’ya ang wine glass at tumingin sa ’kin. “But Charles became greedy. So, I tried to think of a way to cut our connection, especially since I have the plan to run for President. Then that man came and offered me help.”

That man… Was it Serj?

Mukhang nabasa ni dad ang tanong sa mga mata ko dahil tumango s’ya.

“Wala na akong maisip kung anong gagawin so I could get rid of my partnership with Charles. And Serj offered a good deal. I accepted his plan to break you and Yakov up as I never really liked that boy for you in the first place. Ang mommy mo lang ang may gusto noon.”

I frowned.

“You never liked him? But you looked like you were fond of him.”

Dad smiled.

“Yes, because I watched him grow up. You both grew up together and he was like a son to me. He is a good kid but he’s not good for you,” he said. “I know what happened hurt you but that was the only way I could think of that would be good for both of us. Naisip ko rin na mas makakabuti ’yon sa ’yo. For you to let go. To finally go against what your mom wanted. I know you wouldn’t let anyone trample over you even though you have parents like us. And Yakov cheating on you, I know you wouldn’t stay with him after that.”

I could feel that there was something in my throat. Nahirapan akong lumunok kaya kinuha ko ang water goblet na nasa harap ko at uminom doon. That way, I could calm myself. Mukhang marami pang sasabihin si Dad.

“Iyon na lang din ang paraang alam ko kung paano mapuputol ang koneksyon namin ni Charles. He felt bad for what his son did to you. It became public. People knew you got hurt kaya mas maraming nagalit kay Yakov. It would be bad if you two stayed together. Kaya nang sabihin ko ring pinuputol ko na ang partnership namin, Charles agreed.”

“So, he will not help you anymore?” I asked.

Dad gave me a small smile.

“You don’t have to feel guilty anymore that you chose to break up with Yakov. You don’t have to get worried anymore na masisira ang pagkakaibigan ng mga Gonzales at Fuentebella.”

Ramdam ko ang pangingilid ng luha sa mga mata ko. I pursed my lips but had to bite my lower lip as emotions swelled inside my chest.

“Dad…” Rinig ko ang panginginig ng boses ko.

“And I’m sorry about your mom. She was just worried about what our family would look like in public. How the people would view us. She was worried that people would say she is not a good wife and mother. Because apparently, people always blame the woman for failed marriages and households.”

“Mas nag-aalala pa s’ya sa sasabihin ng iba kaysa sa mararamdaman ng anak n’ya?” may hinanakit kong sabi.

“It is my fault,” dad said. “Kung hindi dahil sa pagpupulitika ko, hindi magiging gano’n ang ina mo.”

I shook my head.

“Dad… I love how you wanted to serve the people and country. I’m proud of you because of that.”

“But you suffered because of it.” Dad heaved a deep sigh. “I’m sorry, Natalia… Alam kong marami akong mga pagkukulang. Alam kong marami kang hinanakit sa ’min ng mommy mo. Hinayaan kitang sumama kay Serj ’cause I saw that he will do everything for you. Bagay na hindi namin nagawa sa ’yo ng mommy mo.”

I wanted to shake my head. Gusto kong sabihin na mali s’ya but… He was right. Buong buhay akong nasaktan dahil doon. Pero masakit din pa lang marinig na umaamin sa ’yo ang mga magulang mo sa mga maling nagawa nila.

“When I saw you two at the party, mas lalo akong nakampanteng aalagaan ka n’ya. I know he will. I saw how you glow when you’re with him.” I saw Dad’s eyes glisten. “You deserve someone who will take care of you.”

“Dad…” I sobbed.

“Pumayag din akong kunin ka n’ya dahil alam kong kayang-kaya ka n’yang protektahan. And you needed to be away dahil mas magiging magulo ang lahat ngayon dahil sa pagbabalak kong tumakbo bilang Presidente. Ayokong madamay ka sa gulo.”

Inilahad n’ya ang kamay at walang pag-aatubiling tinanggap ko ’yon. He held my hand tightly. I can’t remember the last time I felt my father’s warmth. It was comforting. Iyong pakiramdam na ligtas ka dahil may amang poprotekta sa ’yo.

“I hope you can forgive me and your mother, Natalia… I know I’m not a good father. But I want my daughter to be happy more than anyone else.” He gave me a fatherly smile. “And I know that man could make you happy. Nakikita ko iyon sa mga mata mo ngayon. You look happy. Mas lalo ka ring tumapang.”

Alam ko sa sarili kong hindi madaling mawala ang hinanakit ko sa mga magulang ko. But… Talking with my father lessens that a lot. At masyado ko silang mahal para hindi agad sila mapatawad.

My father who I thought was so strict that he barely shows emotions. Iyong amang kinatatakutan ko noon na kapag kaharap ko ay sobrang tense na tense ako. But right now, it was so different.

Dad looked like a father. The gentle look in his eyes, his small smile, and the warmth of his hands. Those were enough to lessen the pain I have had all those years.

Dad stared at me and he smiled gently at me.

“I’m always proud of you, Natalia. I’m always proud of my daughter.”

Doon ko na hindi na napigilan pa ang pagtulo ng mga luhang kanina pa nagbabadyang tumulo. I cried. I cried so hard as I let all my emotions out. ’Yung mga hinanakit ko. ’Yung mga tampo ko sa mga magulang ko. ’Yung sakit na naramdaman ko. I let it all out.

God… I waited for so long to hear those words from them. Para ngang iyon pa ang naging pinaka-goal ko sa buhay ko. To make my parents proud. And now I’ve heard those words, it was as if a huge weight has been lifted off my chest.

I think that was what every child wanted. To make their parents proud.

I’ve finally done it. I’ve finally got it.

“Thank you so much, Dad…

Chapter 48

Dad mentioned na mas magiging busy pa s’ya sa susunod pang mga araw at baka hindi n’ya masagot ang mga tawag, kung tatawag man daw ako. He told me in advance in case I would think negatively about it just like what I did before. Mas magiging busy na s’ya dahil sa pagbabalak na tumakbo sa pagka-Presidente.

Kaya nga raw ipinagkatiwala na n’ya ako kay Serj dahil mas magiging magulo ang kandidatura n’ya. He said he wouldn’t worry anymore when I’m with Serj as Dad knows he would protect me.

I suddenly wonder if Dad knew about Serj being a Mafia and that their Mafia family is powerful. He seemed at ease and it looked like he trusted Serj a lot which was so unusual for him. Kahit nga kay Tito Charles na matagal n’ya nang kilala, o kahit kay Yakov, hindi buo ang tiwala ni Dad sa kanila. Unlike kay Serj.

I chuckled. Mas may tiwala pa si Dad— no. Not only Dad. Mas may tiwala pa kaming dalawa ni Dad kay Serj na isang Mafia boss kaysa kay Yakov.

Mag-ama nga talaga kami.

But… I was relieved when I finally talked with my father. I was hoping that our talk would go smoothly but I didn’t actually expect that it would be this smooth. Still, I’m glad. Ramdam kong nawala ang kung anumang nakaharang sa aming dalawa ni Dad.

And now… I’m planning to talk with my mother.

I took a deep breath as I stared at the mansion that has been my home for years until I decided to move out. Nasa harap ako ngayon ng bahay namin. Ang bahay kung saan ako lumaki.

It took me days before I finally gathered the courage I needed to talk with my mom. Because apparently, mas natatakot pala akong kausapin si mommy kaysa kay dad. Maybe there’s something inside me that knew that Dad isn’t a bad father like I thought.

Yes, he had shortcomings but he still tried to be a father sa paraang alam n’ya. And I tend to misunderstand those at times.

Maybe I’ve already felt that before. I just wasn’t aware of it. Kaya ganoon ko na lang kabilis napagdesisyunang kausapin si Dad.

While my mother…

I took another deep breath as I pressed the doorbell. Pinapasok naman kaagad ako ng kasambahay na nagulat nang mapagbuksan ako.

“Nand’yan si Mommy?” I asked and she nodded.

“Sakto ang punta mo, ma’am. Walang lakad ang mommy mo ngayon.”

Ngumiti na lang ako at nagpasalamat sa kasambahay.

Mukhang totoo ang nabanggit ni Dad sa ’kin. That mom was always with her Amigas lately at mukhang wala rin palagi rito sa bahay.

I sighed.

I would admit that there were times na ayokong sumasama si mommy sa mga Amiga n’ya. Kapag nakikipagkita kasi s’ya sa kanila, parang mas lalong sumusobra ang pagiging controlling ni mommy. Lalo na kapag may naririnig s’yang hindi maganda mula sa kanila. Or if her Amigas were expecting something to happen with our family.

I suddenly remembered that time when mom was expecting Yakov to propose to me. Iyong pinipilit n’ya ang usapang kasal sa aming dalawa ni Yakov. Mom brought out about it all of a sudden. And I knew it was because of her Amigas.

Naabutan ko si mommy na nakaupo sa sala at nanonood ng TV. I knew she was waiting for news about the issue of Yakov’s cheating, which, thankfully, died down after some time. Pero alam kong nakaabang pa rin si mommy sa balita dahil doon. That’s how she is.

Napansin na ako ni mommy bago pa man ako tuluyang makalapit sa kanya. She raised an eyebrow as soon as she saw me and eyed me from head to toe when I stopped a few steps away from her who was just sitting on the sofa.

“Huh… There’s a stranger in my house.”

Kinailangan kong kumuha ng malalim na paghinga dahil sa sakit na biglang sumigid sa dibdib ko dahil sa sinabi n’ya. I was hoping that I’m already immune to the pain para sana hindi na ako masasaktan sa tuwing may sinasabi s’yang nakakasakit. But I guess, that was just me asking for too much.

I always feel hurt by her words. Para iyong patalim na tumatarak sa dibdib ko at nananatili lang na nandoon. Naiipon hanggang sa nahihirapan na akong huminga dahil sa sakit.

And I was afraid that one day, I would die due to pain. That something in me would die if I couldn’t bear all the pain anymore.

That’s why I decided to stop it. I decided to let it out. To let go. To pull all those knives that my own mom stabbed in my chest. So that my heart would be finally free. So that I could love with all my heart freely.

“Yaya!” malakas na tawag ni mommy sa kasambahay. “Yaya!”

“Yes po, ma’am?” sabi ng kasambahay na nagmamadaling lumitaw doon sa sala. Mukhang narinig ang urgency sa boses ni mommy.

“Bakit ka nagpapasok ng estranghero dito sa bahay?” galit na sabi ni mommy at itinuro pa ako.

“Po?” The maid looked so confused as she looked at me.

“Hindi ko kilala ang babaeng ’yan! Bakit mo pinapasok ’yan?”

I sighed. Ignoring the pain that was slowly enveloping my chest. No, not slowly. It had been enveloping my chest for a long time now. Kinain na ng sakit ang puso ko. At inakala kong mamamanhid na ako pero hindi pa rin pala.

“Mom…”

“Mom?” She laughed mockingly. “Wala akong anak na pasaway at hindi sumusunod sa ’kin.”

I took another deep breath. May palagay akong hindi lang iyon ang huling buntong-hiningang magagawa ko ngayon habang kaharap ko mommy.

Tumingin ako sa kasambahay na may awa, pagkalito at pag-uunawang nakatingin sa akin. I saw them all in her eyes and I didn’t know what to feel.

Kaawa-awa na ba talaga ako sa paningin ng iba?

“Sige na po, yaya. Ako nang bahala rito,” I said.

Mukhang nakaramdam naman s’ya na kailangan n’ya nga kaming iwan at agad din s’yang umalis bago pa may masabi si mommy at idamay na naman s’ya. Umismid lang si mommy at itinuon ang atensyon sa TV na para bang wala ako roon.

Still, I approached her. Lumapit pa ako sa kanya ng mga ilang hakbang.

“Mom… Can we talk?”

I was looking at her but she pretended as if she didn’t hear me. Hindi n’ya ako pinansin at pinanatili lang ang tingin sa TV.

I pursed my lips. Of course, that hurt me. Sino ba namang anak ang hindi masasaktan kung ganito ang trato ng ina sa kanila? No matter how many times other people say not to mind it as she’s still my mother, hindi pa rin naman talaga maiiwasan ang masaktan.

After all, this is my mom. The most important person to me.

Kaya nga ginawa ko ang lahat para maging proud s’ya sa ’kin. I wanted her to be happy. At kahit na noong umalis ako sa bahay na ’to, kahit na sabi ko ay magiging independent na ako, hindi ko pa rin s’ya matiis. Hindi ko pa rin matiis ang mga magulang ko.

No matter how many times I’ve been hurt by her, I love her still.

“Sorry po kung hindi ko sinabi sa inyo ang tungkol sa pagpunta ko sa Russia. Alam kong hindi kayo papayag. But I really wanted to go. Hindi na po kasi nakakabuti sa ’kin ’yung issue.”

“Ganyan ka naman talaga, eh. Ginagawa mo lang ang gusto mo. Wala kang pakialam sa ’min ng daddy mo,” inis na sabi ni mom na nakatingin pa rin sa TV. Ayaw man lang akong tignan. “Hindi ko alam kung saan ako nagkamali sa pagpapalaki sa ’yo.”

I pursed my lips. Hindi ako nagsalita. Hindi ko rin kayang magsalita dahil mas lumalala ang sakit na nasa dibdib ko.

“Mabuti pa ’yung anak ni Marjorie,” mom said. Her eyes never left the TV. “Napakabait na bata. Laging sinusunod ang ina. Tingnan mo ngayon, magpapakasal na sila ng boyfriend n’ya.”

When she finally looked at me, all I saw in her eyes was disappointment that was directed at me.

“Kung hindi ka sana nag-inarte, baka nag-propose na rin sa ’yo si Yakov.”

Doon ko na hindi na napigilang sumagot.

“Yakov pa rin, mom? Si Yakov pa rin ang issue n’yo? He cheated on me, mom! Sinaktan n’ya ’ko! Niloko n’ya ’ko! Bakit pinagpipilitan n’yo pa rin si Yakov sa ’kin?”

“It’s your fault that he cheated! Kung hindi ka nagkulang bilang girlfriend n’ya, hindi sana s’ya maghahanap ng ibang babae!”

Napaiyak na ako roon. Hindi ko na napigilan ’yung mga luha ko, eh. Hindi ko nga rin namalayan na namumuo na pala ang luha sa mga mata ko at bigla na lang tumulo.

Ang sakit, eh. Masyadong masakit ang mga salita ni mommy. At kahit anong gawin kong hindi pagpansin sa sakit, nararamdaman ko pa rin ’yon sa dibdib ko. Kaya hindi ko na napigilan ang umiyak.

Hindi ko na kaya. This is my limit.

“Bakit lahat na lang kasalanan ko para sa inyo? Para bang wala na akong ginawang tama sa paningin n’yo.”

“Why? Meron ba?” gulat pa n’yang tanong. “That’s why I understand Yakov why he did that. Nakikita ko naman. Sa pagiging anak pa nga lang, grabeng disappointment ka na, aasa pa ba ’kong magiging maayos ka sa iba?”

Okay. I had enough.

Malinaw na sa ’kin ngayon ang lahat. No matter what I do, for my mom, I’ll only just be a disappointment. Kahit kailan, hinding-hindi ako magiging sapat para sa kanya.

I’m tired of proving myself to her. To prove that I have worth as her daughter. May hangganan din naman ako.

And this is it. Hanggang dito na lang ang kaya ko. At kung hindi pa ako titigil, baka maging ganoon na rin ang tingin ko sa sarili ko.

A disappointment.

“No, mom. You’re wrong,” matatag kong sabi sa kabila ng panginginig ng boses ko dahil sa pag-iyak. “I’m not a disappointment.”

Agad na naptingin sa ’kin si mommy. Mukhang nagulat pa sa sinabi ko.

“What did you say?”

Pinunasan ko ang mga luhang tumulo sa pisngi ko. I looked at my mother. I know that she could see determination in my eyes.

“I’m not a disappointment. I’m a successful woman. I’m proud to say that I achieved a lot of things on my own. So, no, mom. Mali kayo. I’m not a disappointment.”

Paulit-ulit ko iyong sinabi. Paulit-ulit ko rin iyong sinabi sa isip ko. I have to believe in myself. Sarili ko lang ang dapat kong paniwalaan. ’Cause if not, then who will?

Kaya rin siguro naging ganito ang tingin sa ’kin ni mommy dahil hinahayaan ko lang ang sarili kong maniwala sa mga sinasabi n’ya.

But I won’t anymore.

Mom looked at me as if I said something ridiculous. So ridiculous that she laughed to mock me.

“Nagpapatawa ka ba, Natalia? Naririnig mo ba ang mga sinasabi mo?”

“I’m serious, mom. And I decided na hindi na ako magpapaapekto sa inyo. Sa mga masasakit na salitang sinasabi n’yo. Because I have a lot of people who believe in me. Even dad said he’s proud of me. That he’s always proud of me.”

Natigilan si mommy. Mukhang hindi inaasahan ang huling mga sinabi ko. Mas lalo lang tuloy dumagdag iyon sa sama ng loob na nararamdaman ko. Para bang iniisip n’ya kasi na disappointment din ang tingin sa akin ni daddy.

Because that’s what I am to her.

Pero pinili ko na magpakatatag. Inalala ko ang mga taong nakasuporta sa ’kin.

“I came here to talk to you hoping that you would listen to me. That you would finally understand me. Kasi, mom, gustong-gusto kong mangyari ’yon. ’Yung pakikinggan mo ’ko. ’Yung masasabi ko sa inyo ang mga gusto ko. ’Yung malalaman n’yo kung anong nararamdaman ko.”

“Ano bang iniiyak-iyak mo d’yan?” sabi ni mommy nang makitang napapaluha na naman pala ako. “Hinayaan naman kita sa mga gusto mo, ah? ’Yung pagbili mo sa bahay mong maliit at wala pang maayos na security ang subdivision. ’Yung pagpapatayo mo sa shop mong walang kwenta.”

“Oo nga, mom. Hinayaan n’yo ’ko.” Rinig ko ang panginginig ng boses ko. “Pero hindi n’yo naman ako hinayaang maging masaya sa mga ginawa ko.”

“Dahil hindi ko naman gustong gawin mo ’yon pero ginawa mo pa rin!”

“Because that’s what I wanted to do with my life, mom! Those are my achievements! May karapatan naman akong sumaya sa mga pinaghirapan kong makuha!”

Mom scoffed. Hindi makapaniwalang napatingin s’ya sa ’kin. At tinuro ako.

“’Yan! That’s the reason why I’m calling you a disappointment! Feeling mo ang taas-taas mo na dahil lang sa mga ’yon! Iyon lang nagmamalaki ka na?” She looked angry. “Hindi ko matanggap na nagkaroon nga ako ng anak but she’s just a failure!”

Nanginig ang mga labi ko sa sakit sa mga salitang binitiwan n’ya. Nagbabadyang tumulo na naman ang mga luha ko. The pain in my chest was too much that it was blinding me.

Puno ng hinanakit na tinignan ko si mommy.

“Why, mom? Sa tingin n’yo ba naging masaya akong maging anak n’yo?”

Hindi ko ginustong masaktan sa kahit na anong paraan si mommy. Ang gusto ko lang ay pakinggan n’ya ang mga sasabihin ko. Ang malaman n’ya ang mga hinanakit ko. Because I wanted to let it all out. Pero ayokong magkasakitan kami.

But I saw how my words hurt her. I saw it on her face.

Her lips parted and her eyes were wide as she looked at me. I saw how blood drained on her elegant face. As if what I said became her destruction.

I knew it affected her too much. After all, mom wanted her to look like she’s a good wife and mother in public. At ang marinig ang mga salitang ’yon mula sa ’kin na mismong anak n’ya ay malaking epekto sa kanya.

I wanted to take it back but it was true anyway. No. It was only half-truth. Alam kong may mga panahong naging masaya rin naman ako bilang anak n’ya. Pero hindi ko na matandaan. Hindi ko na maalala dahil natabunan na ng mga hinanakit ko.

So, I didn’t take my words back. I promised myself that I would let everything go.

I took a deep breath. Tinignan ko si mommy na namumutla pa rin ang mukha habang nakatingin sa ’kin.

“I love you, mom. So much. Pero tanggap ko nang kahit anong gawin ko, hinding-hindi ako magiging sapat para sa inyo. I will never be the perfect daugther that you wanted. Kasi hindi naman ako perpekto. But even so, I did my best to make you proud. To make you happy. Pero hindi naging sapat ’yon sa inyo.”

Nanlalabo ang paningin ko pero kitang-kita ko ang pamumula ng mga mata ni mommy. The sound from the TV could be overheard but we paid it no attention. Kahit si mommy na kanina ay mukhang mas gugustuhin na lang na tumingin sa TV kaysa ang makita ako.

She was looking at me. My mom was finally looking at me. Iyon lang ay sapat na sa ’kin.

“Mom, I’m incredibly grateful that you brought me into this world. You raised me well and gave me everything I needed. I’m so thankful for that.”

Muling tumulo ang mga luha ko. But I still tried to smile at her.

“Pero tanggap ko na po ang lahat. I won’t let you control me and my life anymore. So, now, I will live for myself. I will live freely and be happy with everything that I plan to do. So, don’t worry, mom. I will be alright.”

Napakurap si mommy. Mukhang nalito sa kung anong gusto kong sabihin sa kanya.

“What… what will you do?”

“I will start doing all the things I wanted to do since then. ’Yung mga hindi ko ginawa kasi hindi n’yo gusto pero gustong-gusto kong gawin. And I promise I will be happy, mom, so you won’t have to worry.”

Lumapit ako kay mommy na nakasunod lang ng tingin sa ’kin. I crouched down so we could level and I didn’t think twice when I hugged her. Naramdaman ko na nagulat si mommy sa ginawa ko pero hindi naman ako itinulak. I was thankful for that so I hugged her tighter.

I took in her warmth. The warmth I never felt from my own mother. The warmth I wished I would always feel whenever I needed it. O kahit tuwing hindi ko kailangan. The warmth I would feel because she loves me.

Mas lalong bumuhos ang mga luha ko dahil doon. Why is it so hard for me to feel that I have a mother who would support me in every way? I even thought that I was lucky ’cause I still have both of my parents. Pero sa lahat ng mga pinagdaanan ko, pakiramdam ko ay wala rin akong ina.

I didn’t want to get tired of my mother, pero napapagod na talaga ako. Hindi na kinakaya ng puso ko ang sakit. Pagod na akong gawin ang lahat para pasayahin si mommy na hindi naman nangyayari. Bakit ba kasi ang hirap-hirap n’yang pasayahin?

And now, siguro naman may karapatan din akong magpahinga sa lahat ng ’to. Hindi ko na kaya, eh. Natatakot akong mapagod na rin ang puso kong magbigay ng pagmamahal.

Kasabay ng paghiwalay ng pagkakayakap ko kay mommy ay pinakawalan ko na rin ang mga sakit at hinanakit ko. Tinanggap ko na ring hanggang dito na lang talaga kaming dalawa ni mommy.

Pinunasan ko ang mga luha ko nang lumayo ako sa kanya. Nakatingin lang si mommy sa ’kin.

“I’ll go now, mom,” sabi ko at umatras.

Mukha namang nataranta si mommy at napatayo pa.

“Na—Natalia…” She looked worried for some reason. “Will you… will you still visit me?”

Nagulat ako sa naging tanong n’ya. But as I looked at her, as I looked at her face that had the expression as if she was afraid that she would lose something, I understood everything.

Tipid akong ngumiti sa kanya at tumango.

“Of course. Palagi ko pa rin po kayong bibisitahin ni dad.”

Ilang sandaling nakatitig lang sa ’kin si mommy bago tumango.

“Okay.”

I smiled.

“’Bye, mom.”

Dumiretso ako sa bahay pagkaalis ko roon. And the moment I closed the door of my house, the one that I bought from the fruit of my success, tears started to roll down my cheeks. Hindi ko na pinunasan iyon at hinayaan na lang tumulo iyon mula sa mga mata ko. Napasandal na lang ako sa nakasaradong pinto.

I let myself be sad after what happened. I let my heart break for a while. ’Cause after this, I promised myself that I would be okay.

Hindi ko lang talaga mapigilan ang maging malungkot. Umaasa akong magkakaayos kami ni mommy. But it was just me asking for too much.

I guess you really can’t get everything you wanted. Iyon siguro ang kapalit dahil pinili kong gawin ang gusto ko. O kaya dahil sa pagkakaayos namin ni dad.

But I know I have to let go. I would be able to let all the pain go in the future. Iyong kapag maiisip ko ito, hindi na ako masasakatan. I hope that time will come.

Pero sa ngayon, hahayaan ko na muna ang sarili kong umiyak at masaktan. I deprived that to myself too before. I was always asking myself, thinking of what I should do to make my mom proud. Doon lang ako nag-focus at binalewala ang mga sakit. Kaya naipon iyon nang naipon.

But now, I’ll embrace it. I will acknowledge it.

As I cried, I remembered the people who were always there for me. Those people who celebrated with me, who also celebrated my success. Those people were also happy for me.

I chuckled. Nababaliw na siguro ako. Tumatawa habang umiiyak.

But I suddenly remembered Millie and Andrea. I have to talk to them too. May plano rin ako para sa kanila. After all, they helped me a lot.

And also, my dad, who I am unaware of, is proud of me and my work. The last time he asked me for my design to donate, pinagmalaki pala iyon ni daddy na gawa ko ang mga damit na pinamigay n’ya. He said that my shop and my designs needed more publicity and more marketing. And that was his way of helping me to let my work be known.

And of course, Serj…

Si Serj na kahit hindi ko kilala at hindi ko man alam ay palagi nang nakasuporta sa akin. Mali man ang paraan n’ya, still, I would admit that he helped me the most. He did everything for me.

At kung hindi ko rin s’ya nakilala, kung hindi ko s’ya minahal, hindi ko siguro magagawa ’to. Hindi ako magkakaroon ng lakas ng loob na tumayo para sa sarili ko. Na gawin ang mga gusto ko. Na ipaglaban ang sarili ko. To live for myself.

I wiped away my tears and took out my phone. I typed in a chat for Serj. 

Natalia Gonzales:

Did I ever tell you that I’m thankful to you? I’m glad I met you and you’re the man I fell in love with.

Nagulat pa ako nang agad n’yang ma-seen ang chat ko.

Napatawa ako. Ano ba? Nakabantay ba ’to buong araw sa phone n’ya at nag-aabang ng chat ko?

Sergei Alexandrovich Romanov:

Is everything alright?

Muli akong natawa. Well, my chat was sudden, I guess. Hindi ko masisisi kung mag-aalala nga s’ya sa chat ko.

Natalia Gonzales:

Nothing. Gusto ko lang malaman mo ang mga ’yon.

I’m thankful that you believe in me.

Sergei Alexandrovich Romanov:

Of course, love. No matter what, I’m always here for you.

Huh… Ang bilis n’yang napagaan ang loob ko. Just those words from him and I’m already okay.

Napapikit ako at napangiti.

Everything will be alright. I have these people who supported me.

I have Serj who believes in me.

Chapter 49

I got busy as the months passed by. I finally got the time and the freedom to take care of the third branch of my shop that I have been planning. Halos wala na akong oras para matulog as I was also planning to release another collection kasabay ng pagbubukas ng third branch ng shop ko.

Good thing that I have a lot of inspiration. Ngayong nawala na ang bigat sa dibdib ko, magaan na rin ang loob ko habang nagde-design. Hindi katulad noon where there was a guilt in my chest with every stroke. Hindi ko maibuhos ang lahat dahil doon.

I think someone noticed it too. I saw a comment on my Instagram account where I post my designs. Someone noticed that I am holding myself back with my style.

But now, it was different. Napansin ko rin ang pagbabago sa style ng mga disenyo ko. It was more… free. Hindi rin ako nauubusan ng ideas.

Besides sa pagde-design, hands-on din ako sa pagpapatayo ng third branch ng shop ko. Madalas pa nga ay wala ako sa Manila at nandoon sa Cebu kung saan ko napiling itayo ang pangatlong branch.

Dahil sa mga ginagawa ko ay madalas hindi na ako nakakapagpahinga pero hindi ko ramdam ang pagod. I actually felt energized instead.

Ganito yata talaga siguro kapag pakiramdam mo ay malaya kang gawin ang mga bagay na gusto mo. Kapag masaya ka sa ginagawa mo. You feel free. You feel like you can do everything. You feel like you can achieve all of your dreams.

I let out a frustrated groan. Kanina pa ako nakaharap sa laptop ko. Nakatitig lang ako roon sa email na natanggap ko six months ago pa. At habang paulit-ulit kong binabasa iyon, mas lumalala ang panghihinayang na nararamdaman ko.

But there was also that thought in my head. Na hindi ko naman pinaghirapang makuha ang bagay na ’to so I didn’t deserve this. Na hindi naman ako dapat manghinayang dahil kung hindi naman ako ipinakilala ni Irina sa fashion magazine journalist na ’yon, hindi rin naman ako makakatanggap ng email mula sa kanya.

But still… it was a great opportunity.

I let out another frustrated groan. I don’t really know what I should feel.

“Pagod na kayo, ma’am?”

Napatingin ako kay Andrea na bumaba mula sa step ladder matapos maikabit ang abstract painting sa dingding. Tapos na ang construction at pagre-renovate sa shop ko at inaayos na lang namin ang loob ng shop. Naghahanda na para sa grand opening ng shop next month.

Both Millie and Andrea helped me and I was really thankful to them. I hired additional people as my staff sa Manila branch ng shop ko para maging katulong na rin ni Millie roon. While Andrea will manage this Cebu branch. I decided to make them the managers for both shops.

I sighed. Muli akong napatingin sa laptop kung saan nakabukas na ang natanggap kong email mula sa fashion magazine journalist na ’yon.

“No,” I said. “’Yung email pa rin nu’ng journalist…”

“Hindi mo pa rin nire-reply-an, ma’am? ’Di ba six months ago pa ’yung email n’ya?” tanong ni Millie na kumapit sa counter kung saan ako nakaupo kanina pa. Sumunod naman si Andrea na tumayo sa tabi n’ya.

Napangiwi ako sa kanilang dalawa.

“I feel like it’s already late to reply to him. Feeling ko ang unprofessional ng dating.” Mas lalo akong napangiwi nang tignan ang date nu’ng email. “Six months late ’yung reply?”

Yes. It’s been six months magmula ng bumalik ako ng Pilipinas galing ng Russia. Six months since I started planning for the third branch of my shop. Six months since I’ve been doing freely what I wanted.

And also… Six months since I last saw Serj.

God… I miss him so damn much.

Ilang beses ko nang ginustong makipagkita sa kanya. Ilang beses ko nang ginustong baliin ang usapan namin na ako mismo ang gumawa. But it would be unfair to Serj.

I know he wanted to see me too. Pero kahit kailan ay hindi n’ya binanggit ang tungkol doon sa tuwing nag-uusap kami through chat. Hindi n’ya ipinilit iyon. Hindi rin s’ya basta sumulpot na lang sa harap ko kahit alam kong kayang-kaya n’ya namang gawin.

He respects my wish. So, I should respect his efforts too.

“Sabihin mo, ma’am, na busy ka sa pagtatayo ng another branch ng shop mo kaya ngayon mo lang nakita ’yung email,” Millie suggested. “Maiintindihan n’ya po ’yun.”

I heaved another sigh.

Right. It was a valid excuse. Naging busy naman talaga ako at kailan lang din ako nag-check ng email. Hindi ko kasi priority muna ang tumanggap ng clients habang busy ako sa pagpapatayo ng third branch ng shop ko kaya hindi muna ako nag-check ng business email ko.

But still…

“I feel like I didn’t earn this,” naisatinig ko ang nasa isip ko.

Both Andrea and Millie frowned.

“Bakit naman, ma’am?” magkasabay pa talaga nilang tanong.

“If it wasn’t for Irina, this journalist wouldn’t even know about me. Pinakilala lang ako ni Irina sa kanya.”

As much as possible rin kasi, ayokong gumamit ng koneksyon. Ever since, I didn’t even use the fact that I am the daughter of Senator Gonzales so I would have clients pero kung minsan ay hindi pa rin maiiwasan lalo na ng mga nakakakilala talaga sa ’kin at kay Dad.

I wanted to make my way in the fashion industry fairly. Because I think I wouldn’t be satisfied with my success if I ever used a connection.

I wanted my talent to be recognized.

“Ano namang masama ro’n, ma’am? Gano’n naman talaga minsan nakikilala ang mga artist. Ire-recommend ng iba. Or self-marketing,” Andrea said.

“’Tsaka sa galing mo, ma’am, balang-araw din naman mas makikilala ang mga gawa mo,” Millie countered.

I smiled at them gratefully. Ever since, nakasuporta na rin talaga ang dalawang ’to sa ’kin. And I knew that it wasn’t just because I am their boss. I feel that their support is genuine.

“’Tsaka, ’di ba sinabi n’ya naman sa email n’ya, ma’am, na tinignan n’ya ang mga gawa mo sa IG account mo at nagustuhan n’ya kaya gusto ka n’yang ma-interview? Wala ka pang business website n’yan, ma’am, ah?”

“Hindi ka n’ya ii-email, ma’am, kung hindi n’ya talaga gusto ang gawa mo. Nakita n’ya ang talent mo kaya gusto ka n’yang ma-interview.”

Natigilan ako at saglit na napatitig sa kanila. They actually have a point. Fashion bloggers, journalists, and magazines are somewhat scary. They wouldn’t give you an ounce of their attention if they think your work isn’t good. If they think you’re not good. Sasabihin pa mismong hindi nila gusto ang gawa mo.

They’re blunt and harsh as they tell you the truth. But it was their way for the artist to improve and to really see if they’re worth to be in the industry. Dahil kung agad silang panghihinaan ng loob doon, mas mapapatunayan lang nila na hindi sila deserving sa industry na ’yon.

As fashion and modeling world are really harsh.

So, instead, artists should use it to improve. Patunayan nila na karapat-dapat sila. Prove to them that they have talent.

I sighed and smiled at Millie and Andrea.

“Okay. I’ll reply to him.”

I did reply to the journalist’s email pero hindi ko naman inaasahan na makakatanggap agad ako ng reply mula sa kanya. He was still willing to get my interview. At dahil sinabi kong ginagawa ang third branch ng shop ko, the journalist was even willing to come to the Philippines just to visit my shops.

So, I let him visit all the branches. Kahit iyong nasa sikat na mall sa Pasay ay binisita rin namin. They took several pictures of it before we finally went to the Manila branch and did my interview. The journalist asked me questions and took a photo of me and my shop.

Habang nangyayari ang mga iyon ay hindi ako makapaniwala. It felt so surreal. Pakiramdam ko ay nasa alapaap ako. Hindi pa nga nagsi-sink in sa akin ang mga nangyayari. Kahit pa noong ihatid ko ang journalist sa airport matapos n’yang makuha na ang interview ko.

“You didn’t have to do this, you know,” sabi n’ya dahil ipinagpilitan ko talagang ihatid s’ya sa airport.

I smiled at him before I shook my head.

“It’s alright. I’m grateful you’re still interested in getting my interview even if my reply was six months late.”

“Oh, no. I’m the one who should be grateful,” sabi ng journalist na ikinumpas pa ang kamay. “Your work is fantastic. Even my Chief Editor pushed me to get your interview. I was even worried he’d fire me if I didn’t, so thank you for coming to my rescue.”

Natawa ako sa sinabi n’ya.

“That’s an exaggeration.”

We both laugh. Pero maya-maya ay sumeryoso ang tingin sa akin ng journalist pero magaan naman ang ngiti sa mga labi.

“But seriously, your work is great. It is our pleasure that you accepted our invitation.”

My heart felt so warm as I smiled at him.

“Thank you.”

He nodded.

“This will be a three-page feature of your story. We will send you a copy once it’s been published.”

I nodded and thanked him again.

Ilang sandali ay tinawag na rin ang flight n’ya. I stayed until he was out of sight, knowing that my story is with him and will be known by many.

I let out a satisfied smile. I’m finally reaching my dream. So fast that I couldn’t believe everything. Minsan nga ay pakiramdam kong hindi ako makasabay sa nangyayari sa buhay ko.

Lately, all I have felt is gratefulness for everything that happened. I was even grateful for all the pain I’ve felt. Sa mga naging dahilan ng sakit na naramdaman ko noon. Sa lahat ng mga naging karanasan ko, masaya man o hindi.

Because without those, I wouldn’t gain the courage. I wouldn’t gain the strength to stand up for myself. To finally choose myself. I learned so many lessons from those pains and it helped me grow up to be a better person. As I didn’t want to feel and experience those pains anymore, I fought for myself to have changes in my life.

A positive change.

Sa pagtalikod ko ay hindi kaagad ako nakakilos nang may mahagip ang mga mata ko dahil sa isang pamilyar na taong naglalakad. He looked like he owned the whole place as he walked without any emotion on his face. Naglalakad s’ya na para bang hindi n’ya alintana ang mga taong nakatingin sa kanya.

There were a lot of foreigners walking around but he stood out the most. Halos lahat ng tao ay nakatingin na sa kanya, pinapanood ang paglalakad n’ya. With his usual all black three-piece suit, all eyes were on him.

Malayo ang lalaki sa kung saan ako nakatayo pero kilalang-kilala ko pa rin s’ya. Maging ang puso ko ay kilalang-kilala ang taong ’yon.

It was Serj.

Ilang buwan na ang nakalilipas mula nang huli kaming magkita. He still looked so handsome as ever. No, mas lalo pa nga s’yang gumwapo ngayon. And he still never failed to make my heart race.

Hindi ko tuloy alam kung anong mararamdaman ko. He looked okay while I was gone. He looked even better.

Hindi ba n’ya ako na-miss?

Samantalang ako, walang araw na hindi ko s’ya nami-miss at naiisip. Kahit sobrang busy ko pa nga, palagi pa rin s’yang sumisingit sa isip ko. I even thought that I would go crazy dahil miss na miss ko na talaga s’ya!

I frowned.

But more importantly… What is Serj doing here in the Philippines? Mukhang paalis na rin naman s’ya ng bansa dahil nakita kong lumiko s’ya sa isang pasilyo where I remebered the way where the private hangar is.

Pero hindi n’ya talaga nabanggit sa ’kin na pupunta s’ya ng Pilipinas. I know I told him we should hold back at contacting each other pero sana ay sinabi n’ya sa ’kin ang tungkol dito.

I mean, hello? Nandito kaya ako sa Pilipinas!

Kahit nang makauwi ako at magising kinabukasan ay iyon pa rin ang laman ng isip ko. Nakabukas ang phone kong nakapatong sa drafting table ko at kanina ko pa iyon tinititigan.

I sighed. I was contemplating on contacting Serj. Ako na rin kasi ang nagsabing ’wag namin dalasan ang pakikipag-usap sa isa’t isa.

Pero kung hindi naman ako magtatanong, hindi ako matatahimik.

I should ask, shouldn’t I? For my peace of mind at least. Hindi kasi talaga mawala sa isip ko ’yon.

Nambababae kaya si Serj?

Mabilis kong ipinilig ang ulo ko sa naisip. That’s just ridiculous. Serj wouldn’t do that. Isa pa, hindi na kailangan pang pumunta ni Serj sa Pilipinas para lang mambabae. Sa Russia pa lang ay marami nang nakaabang sa kanya. He didn’t even need to find girls dahil babae na ang lumalapit sa kanya.

So… What is Serj doing in the Philippines?

Hindi ko na napigilan. I took my phone and typed a message for him.

Natalia Gonzales:

Serj?

Mabilis akong nakatanggap ng reply mula sa kanya.

Sergei Alexandrovich Romanov:

Yes, love?

Sa kabila ng pag-o-overthink ko ay napangiti ako roon.

Natalia Gonzales:

What are you doing?

Sergei Alexandrovich Romanov:

I just got home.

Natalia Gonzales:

From where? May pinuntahan ka?

Sergei Alexandrovich Romanov:

I went to the Philippines.

To talk with my mother.

Nagulat ako roon. I just didn’t expect it. Mas naisip ko pa ngang nambababae s’ya kaysa ang makikipag-usap s’ya kay Tita Tessa. ’Cause the last time, he was so angry at her I thought he wouldn’t consider talking with her again.

And he called Tita Tessa his mother. Dati ay ‘that woman’ o hindi kaya ay ‘Yakov’s mother’ lang ang itinatawag n’ya kay Tita Tessa.

Sergei Alexandrovich Romanov:

I wish you were with me.

I sighed. I wish I was there for him too when he talked with Tita Tessa. I know how hard it was for him to do that. Hindi ko alam kung anong nararamdaman n’ya ng panahong ’yon.

I was about to do it. Ang sabihin na magkita na kami pero nakatanggap ulit ako ng kasunod na chat mula sa kanya.

Sergei

Alexandrovich Romanov:

But that’s just my selfish wish.

You didn’t know how hard it was for me to stop myself from seeing you when we were already in the same country.

But I know you wouldn’t want that.

So, take all the time you need, love.

I’m just here, waiting for you.

Huh… Now I get it. The reason why he didn’t tell me that he was in the Philippines. It was for the both of us. Dahil kapag mas maliit ang distansya naming dalawa, mas malakas ang kagustuhan na magkita na kami. At kapag nangyari ’yon, he wouldn’t be able to let me go.

I know ’cause I would do the same too.

Still, we needed more time.

I promised that after this, hinding-hindi na ulit kami magkakahiwalay.

“I don’t want na po. I’m full,” the three-year old kid, who was sitting beside me, said as he shook his head at me. Hinimas pa ang t’yan para ipakitang busog na nga s’ya.

Napalabi ako at iniumang ulit sa kanya ang tinidor na may nakaikot na pasta.

“Just one more, okay? I promise this will be the last.”

The kid gave me a doubtful look. Halos matawa ako dahil kabata-bata pa ay marunong na talagang magduda.

“Please,” sabi ko at ngumiti pa ng matamis.

But it wasn’t effective. Hindi ko alam kung hindi ba maganda ang pagkakangiti ko dahil humahalo ang kabang kanina ko pa nararamdaman o busog na talaga s’ya. He covered his mouth with his palm and shook his head.

“ Noooo… “ sabi pa ng bata at sunod-sunod na umiling.

I sighed. Alright. Hindi na talaga mapipilit ’to kapag ganito.

I just wiped his mouth with a tissue and fixed his bow tie. Nagulo kasi dahil kanina pa pinaglalaruan iyon. Hindi ko na rin napigilang kurutin ang magkabilang pisngi n’ya sa panggigigil. His cheeks were chubby and pinkish.

“ Arawch. “ He frowned at me as he pouted his lips.

I chuckled.

“Sorry, baby.” Hinaplos ko ang magkabilang pisngi n’ya.

Huh… Ang cute talaga ng batang ’to.

“Natalia.”

I looked at whoever called me and saw a woman approached me. Napangiti ako nang makilala s’ya. She was already wearing full makeup on her face and a white dress na mabilis hubarin para sa fashion show mamaya. Kasunod n’ya ay isang lalaking kahit kailan ay hindi ako naging komportable sa tuwing nakikita s’ya. It was her fiancé.

“Hey…” I said. Nakatingin lang ako sa kanya at hindi sa lalaking kasama n’ya. “He’s done eating na.”

She looked at her son before she smiled at me.

“Thank you… So sorry for bothering you.”

I shook my head.

“No worries. Hindi naman mahirap alagaan ang anak mo.”

She smiled. Napakaamo talaga ng mukha n’ya kapag ngumingiti. That’s why I asked her to be one of my models who would walk in the runway. Bagay sa kanya ang collection ngayon.

“I have to go. Tinatawag na kami, eh,” she said as the organizer called her attention.

Tumango ako.

“Okay.”

She took her son’s hand. Magkamukha ang dalawa. Parehong may maamong mga mukha.

Unlike his fiancé. Wala man lang nakuha ang bata sa ama. Matagal ko na iyong napapansin but I didn’t pay much attention to it dahil hindi ko naman buhay iyon.

But still, I couldn’t see any resemblance between the father and son.

The father looked… too evil to have a son who looked like an angel like his mother. I don’t know. There was something in him that felt vicious when you look at him. Na para bang hindi ka ligtas kapag s’ya ang kasama mo. ’Cause, you wouldn’t know what he was thinking. As his eyes never showed any emotion. They were always cold. As if he had no feelings.

I tried to sneak a glance at him pero muntik na akong mapasigaw nang makitang nakatingin din s’ya sa ’kin. And by the looks of it, it looked like he was already staring at me for some time now.

He smirked and it was as if all the hairs in my body stood up. Mas lalo akong kinilabutan nang makita ang pagngisi n’ya. As if he knew what I was thinking.

Nakahinga lang ako nang maluwag nang sa wakas ay wala na sila sa harapan ko. Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko para kalmahin ang sarili ko. Hindi pwedeng magulo ako ng kahit ano ngayon. As today is my first fashion show.

After three years, it finally happened. This is my own event. Maraming mga fashion bloggers, journalists, and editors from big magazine ang mga inimbitahan ko at lahat sila ay dumating. May mga celebrity din. Iyong mga gustong-gusto ang mga gawa ko.

This event is also one of the trending topics in the fashion industry right now. Marami ang nag-aabang sa first runway show ko.

Hindi naging madali ang mga pinagdaanan ko. Even though I received so much praise for my work, of course, there would still be some negative comments. Pero hindi ko hinayaang maapektuhan ako noon. I even used it to improve myself.

And now, isa na ako sa mga kilalang fashion designer, hindi lang sa Pilipinas kundi maging sa ibang mga bansa rin. A lot even wanted to attend my show kaya kinailangan kong kumuha ng malaking venue.

All of these and until now, hindi pa rin ako makapaniwalang nakamit ko na sa wakas ang pangarap ko.

“Alam ko ang mukhang ’yan, kinakabahan ka.”

Napatingin ako sa nagsalita at agad na napasimangot nang makita si Yakov na tumabi pa talaga sa akin. He put an arm around my shoulder at mabilis ko iyong tinanggal.

“Kung mang-aasar ka lang, lumayo ka sa ’kin,” nakasimangot kong sabi sa kanya.

He chuckled. Iniunat n’ya ang nakakunot kong noo.

“Smile, Nat… All eyes are on you today,” he said.

True enough, nang lumingon ako ay nakita kong marami ang mga nakatingin sa akin. Kahit mga modelo ay sa akin nakatingin. Nandito na nga ako sa backstage para hindi makita ng mga bisita pero marami pa rin pala talaga ang titingin sa ’kin.

Tinabig ko ang kamay ni Yakov na iniuunat pa rin ang noo ko.

“Kung hindi ka ba naman sana sumulpot, edi sana nakangiti ako ngayon.”

“Kung hindi ako sumulpot, malamang kinakabahan ka pa rin hanggang ngayon,” he countered.

Inirapan ko na lang s’ya at hindi na pinansin.

Isa pa ’to sa naging pangyayari sa buhay ko. Two years ago, Yakov came to me and he apologized. He looked really sincere as he talked to me. Nakita ko ulit ’yung dating Yakov noong mga bata pa kami. Noong mga teenager pa lang kami kung saan tumatakas kami sa mga party dahil boring para sa ’min. Iyong Yakov na naging kaibigan ko.

Pagkatapos ng araw na ’yon, nagugulat na lang ako dahil bigla na lang sumusulpot-sulpot si Yakov sa harap ko. Kahit tinataboy ko ay hindi s’ya natitinag.

I don’t know what his motive is though. Simula naman noon ay wala s’yang ginawang ikasasama ng loob ko. He’s been… a good friend. In fact, tinulungan n’ya pa nga ako sa lahat kahit na anong taboy ang ginawa ko sa kanya. Kapag pinagbabantaan ko s’yang sasabihin ko kay Serj ang ginagawa n’ya, ang sinasabi n’ya lang ay,

“Hayaan mo ’yon si kuya.”

Sa huli ay ako na lang ang napagod. It’s not like hahayaan ko pa ulit mangyari ang noon.

“Ang dami ring mga lalaki ang tumitingin sa ’yo at halatang gusto kang lapitan.” Yakov frowned at me. “Bakit ’yung mga modelo mong lalaki, kakaiba kung makatingin sa ’yo?”

I looked at him. My expression was in between frowning and dumbfounded.

“May sira ba ang utak mo? ’Wag mo nga silang igaya sa ’yo.”

He didn’t find my comment offensive. He even chuckled at that.

“Mahirap na…” he trailed off. Inaabangan ko ang kasunod n’yang sasabihin pero hindi na dumating.

I just shrugged my shoulders. Hindi ko na ulit s’ya pinansin at tinignan na lang ang paligid. All the makeup artists were fixing the models’ makeup. Ang iba naman ay sinisigurong walang mali sa mga susuotin nila.

“Ah, oo nga pala.”

Napatingin ako kay Yakov sa biglaan n’yang pagsasalita. He fished his wallet in the back pocket of his pants. May kinuha s’ya roon na parang isang picture bago itinago ulit ang wallet at iniabot sa akin ang picture.

“Congratulatory gift ko sa ’yo,” he said.

“Ano ’to?” tanong kong kinuha sa kanya ang picture. “Picture ng halikan n’yo ni Sabrina?”

Malakas na tumawa si Yakov kaya napatingin sa amin ang iba. Sinimangutan ko s’ya pero nang hindi pa s’ya tumigil ay kinurot ko na s’ya sa tagiliran n’ya.

“Aray!” daing n’ya pero natatawa naman. “Tingnan mo muna kasi!”

Inirapan ko s’ya at tiningnan na nga ang picture na ibinigay n’ya sa akin. My frown faded. Napalitan iyon ng pagkamangha.

“You also have a copy of this?” I asked.

Yakov nodded.

“Of course. Binigyan tayo ng magkakaibang copy ni Mommy. Iyan na lang ang natira sa ’kin dahil naunahan n’yo ko sa pagpili ni kuya.”

The photo was too familiar to me. It was our childhood photo. Iyong magkakasama kami nina Yakov at Serj sa picture noong mga bata pa kami.

But this time, wala ang sinuman sa amin ang nakatingin sa camera. I was looking at Serj with a frown on my face just like on the copy that I have. While Serj was looking at me with a smug smirk on his lips, mukhang nang-aasar. And Yakov was looking at me and his brother with a confused expression on his face. Mukhang nagtataka sa aming dalawa ng kapatid n’ya.

It was… cute.

“Bakit mo binibigay sa ’kin ’to?” I asked Yakov.

Hindi muna s’ya sumagot at ilang sandaling tumitig lang sa akin. He shrugged after a while.

“Hulaan mo,” parang tanga n’yang sabi na alam kong isang araw ay mababatukan ko na talaga s’ya.

I was about to say something back to him when the organizer approached me.

“Miss Natalia, we will start in exactly ten minutes,” she said. “Please double-check if everything’s okay.”

“Oh, okay.”

Tumingin ako kay Yakov na tumango lang sa akin.

“Sige na. Doon na ako sa audience,” he said.

I nodded.

“Okay.”

Yakov smiled at me.

“Congratulations, Natalia.”

Chapter 50

Mas dumoble ang kaba ko nang sa wakas ay matapos ko nang i-double check ang lahat. No. I even triple checked everything, making sure that there would be no problem later. This is my first fashion show and I want to leave a good impression on everyone.

Only ten minutes left. The backstage became even busier. The staff were making sure that there wouldn’t be any wardrobe malfunctions. Tumutulong din ako sa pag-aayos sa mga models kapag nakikita kong may nagiging mali sa damit na suot nila na mismong mga disenyo ko. The audiences’ attention would be on what they were wearing kaya iyon mismo ang pinagtuunan ko ng pansin.

“Relax, Miss Nat.” Narinig ko pa ang mahinang tawa ng model na inaayusan ko ng damit. “Your show is going to be a blast.”

I tried to smile but it probably didn’t look good as the model beside her giggled. Natawa na rin ako dahil nahalata ko rin ang panginginig ng mga kamay ko.

I sighed and faced them both with a hesitant smile on my lips.

“I’m sorry. I just couldn’t calm down. I’m nervous as hell,” pag amin ko na kahit naman hindi ko gawin ay nahalata na ng lahat.

“It will be alright, Miss Nat,” the other model said. “Your designs are so great. We are all honored to be able to walk down the runway wearing your creations.”

Of course, that calmed me down. Tuluyan na akong napangiti sa kanila. They’re famous models at ang marinig sa kanila ang ganoong salita ay nakakataba ng puso.

It was already one thing that they accepted my invitation to model my work but them complimenting me was another.

May kaunting kaba pa rin sa dibdib kong alam kong hindi naman na mawawala hanggang sa matapos ang show ngayong gabi. Hindi na yata ako masasanay sa ganoon kahit ilang fashion shows pa ang gawin ko. Irina also told me that she always feels nervous everytime she has a show too.

Speaking of Irina…

Nang matapos ko nang ayusan ang dalawa ay iginala ko ang tingin para sana tignan kung may dapat pa akong ayusin. I saw a woman entered the backstage and I smiled when I recognized her.

“Irina!” Itinaas ko pa ang isang kamay ko at ikinaway para makita n’ya ako nang suyurin n’ya ng tingin ang lugar. I know that she was looking for me. Mabilis s’yang lumapit sa ’kin nang makita ako.

“I am so sorry I’m late!”

I chuckled. Bahagya pa s’yang hinihingal at ipinaypay ang kamay sa mukha. Halatang nagmamadali para maabutan ang pagsisimula ng show.

But she still looked beautiful. Hindi nawala ang pagiging elegante.

Well… She’s not a designer for nothing.

“It’s okay… The show hasn’t started yet anyway.”

She groaned frustratedly.

“But I wanted to help you.” She looked really frustrated. Mas lalo akong napangiti bago umiling sa kanya.

“Irina… You’ve already given me a lot of help that I would be grateful to you for the rest of my life.”

It’s true. For the past years, Irina was there to help me. Iniwasan kong mapadikit ang pangalan ko sa kanya kasi ayokong isipin din ng ibang tao na gumagamit ako ng koneksyon. I didn’t want those people in the industry to get interested in me just because I’m friends with Irina.

But that didn’t stop Irina from helping me. She was there to give me advice on what my next move should be para mas makilala ang mga gawa ko dahil mas marami s’yang alam sa fashion industry. She gave me advice on how to market my work.

She stayed in the Philippines too for quite some time to help me. Pero sa tingin ko ay may iniiwasan lang din s’ya.

I’ve never even imagined that I would get a lot of help from the person I idolized. Especially that I would become friends with her. Sa pagiging magkaibigan pa lang namin ay sobrang saya ko na.

It was because of Serj. Kung hindi dahil sa kanya, hindi ko makikilala si Irina. Hindi ko mararanasan ang maging ganitong kasaya. Serj really gave me so much happiness in life.

Ilang minuto pa at nagsimula na rin ang show. The moment the first model walked down the runway, halos mahimatay ako sa kaba at sa pag-o-overthink.

I wonder if they liked my design? What are their thoughts? Did they like my new collection? May naging problema kaya sa damit habang naglalakad ang mga modelo?

Huh… Mahihimatay yata ako sa kaba. Hindi pa nakatulong ang malakas na music sa speaker na sumasabay yata sa kabog ng dibdib ko ang dagundong noon.

Nakatayo lang ako sa mga nakapilang modelo. Sinisiguro na maayos ang damit bago sila maglakad sa runway. Gustuhin ko man na silipin ang audience para makita sana ang mga reaksyon nila ay mas pinili ko na lang na hindi gawin. I guess it’ll be better for me right now if I don’t know what their reactions are yet.

“They love it.” Tumabi sa akin si Irina nang lumabas ang sumunod na model. Binunggo n’ya ang balikat ko.

I looked at her.

“How did you know?”

“Yakov told me,” she said. Ipinakita pa sa akin ang chat na ipinadala sa kanya ni Yakov. “That’s the Editor-In-Chief of Vogue. Look at her expression.”

Tinitigan ko ang larawang ipinadala sa kanya ni Yakov through chat. It was the photo of Vogue’s Editor-In-Chier.

In the picture, she was intently watching the model walking down the runway. Mukhang mataray ang mukha as she was wearing her iconic heavy black sunglasses but the corners of her lips were slightly curled upwards. It was enough to know that she was enjoying the show.

My lips parted. I couldn’t believe that my show could make her look like that. Palagi s’yang nakasuot ng black sunglasses as she said she wanted to avoid people knowing what she was thinking. Kaya kapag kasama s’ya sa audience sa mga show ay mahirap sabihin kung nagugustuhan n’ya ang pinapanood n’ya.

But… Wow. She looked really interested right now.

“See?” Irina smiled at me. “You have nothing to worry about.”

And maybe she was right. When I came out of the stage, I received a standing ovation. Sa tingin ko ay mapupunit pa ang mga labi ko dahil sa lawak ng ngiti ko. There was a lump in my throat that I forced to swallow. Sobrang overwhelming kasi sa pakiramdam na makitang ang sikat na mga celebrities, fashion editors, and journalists were clapping at me.

This is such a dream come true. I couldn’t even believe I really did it.

Sa after party ay kabi-kabila ang mga bumabati sa ’kin. A lot wanted to talk to me and congratulate me na nalilito na ako kung sino-sino ang mga nakakausap ko. Some gave me their business cards. Some even wanted to set up a meeting with me to get my interview. And a lot offered to feature my work in their magazine.

Hindi lang ’yon. May mga celebrities din na nagsabing gusto nilang ako ang gumawa ng damit nila sa mga event na dadaluhan nila. Those events where they would walk down the red carpet.

Iginala ko ang tingin ko. Bigla kasing nawala si Irina.

“Woah…” Napatingin ako kay Yakov na tumabi sa akin nang sa wakas ay mawala na ang mga nakapalibot sa akin. He was holding a champagne flute. “Grabe, Natalia. Hindi na kita maabot.” He looked at me and grinned. “’Wag mo ’kong kalilimutan, ha?”

Inalis ko ang tingin sa kanya at tumingin sa unahan.

“Of course, Yakov. I really won’t be able to forget you. Sa dami ba naman ng sama ng loob na binigay mo sa ’kin.”

Bahagyang nasamid si Yakov sa sinabi ko. Hindi makapaniwalang napatingin s’ya sa ’kin.

“Kanina ka pa. It’s your big day pero wala kang patawad.” Napahawak pa s’ya sa dibdib n’ya at nagkunwaring nasasaktan.

Inirapan ko s’ya. Kahit kailan din talaga ang kapal ng mukha ng lalaking ’to.

“Well… Kung hindi rin naman sa panloloko mo, hindi ako makakawala at mararanasan ang lahat ng ’to. So, thank you.”

Tinitigan ako ni Yakov. Maya-maya ay natawa at inabot ang tuktok ng ulo ko at ginulo ang buhok ko.

“I can’t tell if you’re sarcastic or what!”

“Ano ba?!” Tinabig ko ang kamay n’ya. I glared at him but he just chuckled again.

Nabwisit ako. Mabuti na lang at nakalugay lang ang buhok kong hanggang dibdib ko at ang isang side ay inipit ko lang sa tenga ko. Hindi ako mahihirapang ayusin dahil sa ginawa ni Yakov.

Pero nakakainis pa rin. Parang tanga talaga ’tong lalaking ’to. Ginulo ba naman talaga ang buhok ko!

Abala ako sa pag-aayos nang magsalita ang host para sa after-party ko.

“Good evening, ladies and gents! I know we are all having a fun night but I will interrupt it for a moment. Let’s call the star of the night here, Miss Natalia Gonzales, for her big speech! Give her a round of applause, everyone!”

Mas lalo akong nataranta sa pag-aayos ng buhok ko dahil nakatingin na sa ’kin ang lahat at hinihintay na umakyat ako sa stage. I was glaring at Yakov while fixing my hair who looked like he was having fun seeing me flustered.

He put the champagne flute he was holding on the cocktail table before he held my wrist.

“Let me,” he said.

Hinayaan ko na s’yang mag-ayos ng tuktok ng buhok ko dahil hindi ko naman iyon makita. He fixed my hair for me. When he was done, he looked at me and smiled.

“Go now, Natalia.”

He didn’t need to say it but I smiled at him anyway. Huminga muna ako nang malalim bago naglakad at umakyat na sa stage.

“Good evening,” panimula ko bago pa ako kabahan. Pero nagkamali ako nang suyurin ng tingin ang lahat.

Huh… All these famous personalities were looking at me right now!

I cleared my throat, trying to ignore the nervousness in me.

“Thank you so much for being with me today, accepting my invitation to my first-ever fashion show, and making this a successful and memorable moment in my life. Even with me, being in front of you doing this speech, I still couldn’t believe everything.”

I chuckled. Sa kabila ng kabang nararamdaman ko ay hindi ko napigilan ang pag-iinit ng mga mata ko. Pinigilan ko ang mapaiyak sa harap ng maraming tao.

God… They might find me weird if that happened!

Hindi ko lang kasi mapigilan ang maging emosyonal every time I would talk about my success, whenever I would look back. Kapag naiisip kong sobrang layo na ng narating ko.

“The Natalia Gonzales three years ago wouldn’t be able to imagine that she would be here one day, in front of these people, delivering her speech after her first fashion show. ’Cause, you know, a lot had happened that I wouldn’t even think I would reach her dreams.”

Napatikhim ako dahil narinig ko ang pagkabasag ng boses ko.

Ah… nakakahiya. Ayokong maiyak sa harapan nila.

I should’ve prepared for my speech. Nawala na rin kasi sa isip ko ang tungkol dito. But still, sa tingin ko, kahit maihanda ko man ang speech ko ay maiiyak pa rin ako.

May napansin akong marahas na paggalaw kaya napatingin ako roon. Yakov was actually trying to get my attention by waving his hands in the air.

Ano na naman bang problema ng isang ’to?

I frowned as he grinned when he noticed that I was now looking at him. May itinuro s’ya at sinundan ko naman ng tingin iyon.

There, at the entrance, I saw Serj. He looked so dashing in his midnight blue three-piece suit. His hair was in a slick back style. He was so handsome that no one would be able to compete with him, even those models. Napansin ko ang hawak n’yang boquet sa mga kamay n’ya.

Kahit na malayo ay alam kong nakatitig s’ya sa ’kin. Hindi ko na rin nagawang alisin pa ang tingin ko sa kanya. For a moment, I thought of leaving the stage and running towards him, hugging him so tightly and kissing him. Gusto kong bumawi sa tatlong taong hindi kami nagkita.

But I remained standing on the stage. Sa ngayon, magkakasya na lang muna ako sa pagtitig sa kanya.

Hindi ko na napigilan ang pamamasa ng mga mata ko. God… Now that I could see him, mas lumala ang pagka-miss ko sa kanya.

That familiar feeling and emotion were flooding my chest as my heart beat erratically. He is indeed the only one who could give me that feeling.

I smiled and continued my speech. My eyes were just on him.

“But because of those people who helped me, especially my loved ones who gave me the strength and the courage I needed, who believed in me… I am here. Right in front of you.” I looked at the audience. “Again, thank you so much. Enjoy the rest of the night.”

Agad akong bumaba ng stage. May mga bumati ulit sa akin pero nginingitian ko lang sila at patuloy na naglakad. I wanted to get near him fast. I wanted to see and touch him again.

And Serj… As if he hadn’t waited for me for three years, he looked impatient as he walked towards me at a fast pace. With his long legs, his strides were fast and sure, not giving a damn to anyone who was looking at him with interest in their eyes. Patuloy lang s’yang naglalakad palapit sa ’kin na para bang hindi na n’ya magagawang maghintay ng isang segundo sa muling pagkakalapit namin.

We both came to a halt when he got in front of us. I could tell that everyone was staring at us, but I didn’t care. Those blue orbs staring back at me were the only eyes I wanted to look at right now. They looked cold but I could feel the warmth with just his stares, burning my body. The blue flame, for example, is the hottest of all fires.

I missed him. So much.

My lips broke into a smile. 

“Hi.”

Hi? Oh, my God, that was so lame. Three years at hi lang talaga ang nasabi ko?

But it seemed like it was enough for Serj. The side of his lips rose as he handed me the bouquet.

“Congratulations, my love.”

Of course, a lot heard what he said. Dahil nga nasa amin ang mga mata nila ay alam ko ring kitang-kita nila ang pagtititigan namin ni Serj. May nagkislapan na mga camera pero hindi pa rin naghihiwalay ang mga titig namin sa isa’t isa.

Mas lumawak ang ngiti ko nang tanggapin ang bulaklak galing sa kanya.

“Thank you.”

“Miss Natalia, may I know who this man is?”

Napatingin ako sa nagtanong noon. I know who he is. He’s an entertainment journalist kaya alam kong ang magiging sagot ko ay magiging laman ng balita.

Still, mas lumapit pa ako kay Serj at kumapit sa braso n’ya. I looked at the journalist and smiled.

“He’s my boyfriend.”

Hindi ko na hinayaang may makapagtanong pa ulit at hinigit ko na si Serj paalis ng function room. Dinala ko s’ya sa dressing room. Kung saan walang tao dahil ang lahat ay nasa after party na. I saw the dresses were hung neatly on the rack.

“These are my creations,” proud ko pang sabi at pinadaanan ng mga daliri ko ang steel hanger kung saan nakasampay ang mga damit.

Serj chuckled. Nilapitan n’ya ako at hinapit ako sa bewang na nagpasinghap sa ’kin.

“Everyone loves them,” he said as he stared at me. Parang ayaw na akong lubayan ng tingin kahit isang segundo lang.

Well… I am the same. Ayoko na ulit mawala s’ya sa paningin ko.

I smiled and wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

“Really? Eh, ikaw? Do you love my work?”

“Of course, Natalia…” sabi n’yang parang hindi ko na dapat pang itinanong iyon. “But I love the one who created them more.

I giggled. Huh… What should I do? I’m so happy. Pakiramdam ko, nasa akin na ang lahat.

“You didn’t tell me na pupunta ka,” I said. My fingers softly brushed the hair on the back of his head.

Naramdaman ko ang paghigpit ng hawak ni Serj sa magkabilang gilid ng bewang ko. He squeezed it and I almost yelped as I could really feel the warmth of his hand.

I was only wearing a maroon tube type dress. Simpleng cut lang iyon para madali akong makagalaw dahil alam kong sobra akong magiging busy sa first fashion show ko.

But it was hugging my body like a second skin. Pakiramdam ko tuloy ay direkta nang nahahawakan ni Serj ang balat ko.

“I wanted it to be a surprise,” he admitted. “Yakov helped me.”

“Okay na kayo?” Kaya pala kapag nababanggit ko si Serj ay parang casual lang palagi ang reaksyon n’ya. Tapos kanina, s’ya pa ang nagturo sa akin nang dumating si Serj.

“He came to me two years ago and we talked,” he said. “We were able to fix the things between us.”

“How about your mom?”

He lightly shrugged his shoulders.“

“We’re okay,” maikling sagot n’ya. But it was enough for me. Dati ay ayaw na ayaw n’yang mababanggit ang ina n’ya. Now, he’s saying that they’re okay.

I’m glad… Ramdam ko at nakikita ko namang malaki ang naging pagbabago sa kanya. There was still that frightening aura around him na hindi na yata mawawala knowing that he’s a leader of a Mafia family but… I could tell that he’s… free now.

Free from the pain that tormented him since he was a child.

He did all of those and kept his promise that we would grow together even if we were away from each other. Ginawa n’ya ang mga gusto kong mangyari.

“I’m so proud of you, Serj…”

He smiled.

“It’s because of you, Natalia… I want to be the best man for you. I want to give you everything and even the whole world. I love you so fucking much it’s making me crazy.”

Mas hinapit pa n’ya ako palapit sa kanya. His arms were now wrapped around my waist. Magkalapat na ang mga didbdib namin and I was able to feel again his hard and warm body against mine.

“Thank you for still choosing me. For accepting my world. For healing and freeing me from my pain. For letting me move on. And for keeping your promise and not breaking my trust… You’ve given me so much when I should be the one doing it.”

Marahan akong umiling sa kanya. Pinagdikit ko ang mga noo namin.

“No, Serj… You’ve given me more than what you promised. Hindi ko mararanasan ang lahat ng ’to kung hindi dahil sa ’yo.” I smiled as my eyes teared up. “I love you too so much. So much that I don’t know how I’ve survived those three years without you by my side.”

Serj stared at me. Maya-maya ay nakita ko ang pamilyar na kislap sa mga mata n’ya. He looked satisfied as his lips curled into a cruel smirk. na para bang natutuwa s’yang inamin kong nahirapan ako sa tatlong taong hindi kami magkasama. He looked satisfied that I suffered with the condition that I made between us.

“I know…” His jaw clenched, almost looking mad. There was a dangerous tone of his voice as his hand caressed my back sensually. “That’s one of the reasons why I managed to stay away when I could just come to you. I want you to suffer too.”

I frowned at him.

“You’re a cruel man, Serj.”

He chuckled without any remorse. Ang isang kamay n’ya ay umangat at hinaplos ang ibabang labi ko. His thumb was caressing my lower lip while his fingers were on the side of my neck.

“But you love this cruel man, Natalia…”

I shivered when the fingers that were on the side of my neck caressed my skin slowly and lightly that it felt ticklish. Unti-unting nag-iinit ang katawan ko.

“Of course, Serj… I love you so much.”

He smirked and with that, he crossed the distance between us. Lumapat ang mga labi n’ya sa akin at halos mapabuntong-hininga ako nang muli kong maramdaman ang init at lambot noon.

Huh… Yes. That’s right. Even if he’s a cruel man, I still love him so much. So much that I think I’m obsessed with him. That between the two of us, I am the one who’s really obsessed. Dahil kahit na ako na mismo ang gumawa ng kondisyon, ilang beses kong ginustong baliin iyon.

Mas malakas ang kontrol ni Serj sa sarili n’ya. I know. Knowing what he could do, he still respected my wish. Kahit kayang-kaya n’ya naman akong makita at puntahan. But still, he didn’t. Samantalang ako ay halos araw-araw na gustong baliin iyon.

I suffered from the condition I made on my own.

But then again, I wouldn’t be able to feel this fulfillment if I did so. I wanted something I could be proud of. I wanted someone that Serj could be proud of. Nang makilala ko s’ya, nang minahal ko s’ya, mas lalo kong ginustong abutin ang mga pangarap ko.

I’m so glad that he is the man I fell in love with. Someone who never gets tired of believing me. Someone who supported me throughout everything. Someone who made me feel my worth.

He gave me everything I needed. Kaya nagkaroon ako ng lakas na gawin ang mga bagay na hindi ko magawa noon.

I didn’t want him to suffer just because of what I lacked. Hindi ko ginustong dalhin n’ya ang kung anumang dinaramdam ko. I didn’t want him to suffer from my pain when he was already suffering from his own pain.

I wanted to grow so I could love him freely. I wanted to heal by myself so I could love him wholly.

We’re both flawed, I know. We’re both not perfect. But with each other, we found happiness. With each other, we found our missing pieces to complete one another.

We were both panting when we stopped kissing. There was a fire in Serj’s eyes but I could tell he was holding himself back. I was amazed at how he could do it dahil hindi ko kaya iyon. Hinabol ko pa nga ang mga labi n’ya nang itinigil n’ya ang halik.

“Tell me, Natalia…” he said with a raspy voice. “Do you still have something you wanted to do? Or could I stop waiting now?”

I was still disoriented by our kiss and it took me a while before I understood what he meant. He was asking if we could be together now.

Pinigilan ko ang mapangiti. God… How could I still fall deeper and deeper in love with him?

“There is still something I want to do,” I said.

I had to purse my lips to stop myself from smiling nang makita ko na parang gusto n’yang magreklamo pero hindi n’ya ginawa.

“What is it, love?”

“I need your help in this.”

Mabilis na nagbago ang ekspresyon sa mukha n’ya. Naging determinado.

“Tell me what I should do. I would do anything for you, Natalia.”

Tuluyan na akong napangiti. I was so happy it was impossible to stop myself from smiling anymore.

I stared at him and promised I would love this man until my very last breath.

“I still have a dream I wanted to fulfill,” I said. “A dream of spending the rest of my life with you.”

Noong una ay nakatitig lang si Serj sa akin. Para pa ngang wala s’yang narinig at uulitin ko na sana nang makita ko ang pagbabago sa mga mata n’ya. I was surprised when emotions flooded in his eyes, I thought I would drown and get swept away.

“No need to dream for it, love… That’s what I wanted to do ever since anyway.”

I giggled but the sound of my laughter died in his mouth when he kissed me again. Napangiti na lang ako at tinugon ang mapusok n’yang mga halik.

Nothing more could I have asked for.

Epilogue (Part 1)

Epilogue will be divided into three parts.

---

I always had the impression that my mother hated our family. Hate might be an overestimated word as she’s still my mother and she stayed with my dad— with us, but that was how I always felt.

Even at such a young age, I could already tell that she was always guarded even if she was just at the house— at our home, which I considered the safest place for me as my father was there to protect us.

But mother didn’t think like that. She was restless. She hated being at home where she could be protected by my father— the man whom she loved, and where she could be by her son.

“Sige nga, ikaw naman.”

I looked at the paper she was holding to read and repeated the words she had just taught me. But mom immediately snatched the paper and hid it behind her before I could even take a good look at it.

“Ah, no cheating,” she said with a grin on her face.

I pouted my lips. Mom was teaching me some Tagalog words. She promised she would teach me until I would be able to exchange conversations with Filipinos. But it was so damn fucking hard to learn a new language.

“Can I look at it again, Mom?”

But she shook her head.

“Katuturo ko lang sa ’yo, ’di ba?” she said with a soft voice. “C’mon, Serj… You can do it. I know that my son is smart.”

I always like it when Mom boosts my confidence whenever I doubt myself. Just some simple words from her would make me feel that I could do anything.

“Sige na… Introduce yourself in Tagalog,” she urged.

I took a deep breath. I tried to remember those new words she just taught me earlier.

“A… Ako po s-si…” I looked at my mom to see if I said the right words. Her smile already gave me the answer. “Ako po si Sergei Alexandrovich Romanov. Anak nina… Tessa at Aleksandr Romanov.”

When my mother beamed at me, I felt so proud of myself.

“I knew it!” She pulled and hugged me before she kissed me on the cheek. “Ang galing-galing naman ng anak ko.”

I couldn’t understand what she said last. Mom was always talking to me in Tagalog as she wanted me to learn the language. But based on the tone of her voice and based on how she showered my face with kisses, I could tell that I did a really good job.

I smiled and hugged her back. I really like this.

I love my mother so much.

We both looked at the entrance of the veranda when we heard voices. We saw dad talking with someone, I knew they were his boyeviks , business associates, and I even saw his Brigadier . That’s when I knew they were going to talk about business again.

At such a young age, my father already told me a lot of things. Mostly the important ones.

The Romanov is one of the Mafia families. And my father is the leader or the boss. He’s the Pakhan . And I would take his position when I grow up.

I saw mom’s smile become tight when she saw those men with my father. They didn’t see us as they were so engrossed in their conversation as they walked towards my father’s office in the house, where he always took care of all of his transactions.

Mom became so tense. She tightened her hug on me so that I could almost feel her fear.

“Serj…” Her voice even trembled. “Doon na lang tayo sa kwarto mo. Tara.”

She didn’t even wait for me to agree. Basta na lang n’ya ako hinila patayo at naglakad papunta sa kwarto ko.

At that time, I really couldn’t understand why mom was acting that way. Those men were kind. Whenever they talk to me, or even at my mom, they always have that kind smile on their faces.

I knew they were dangerous. I could feel it. But I also knew they weren’t going to hurt the family.

Dad also explained it too. That those men were to protect the family.

But I guess mom didn’t believe that.

At such a young age, I could always hear my parents arguing whenever they thought I wasn’t around. I always found them arguing in their room or my father’s office.

“I didn’t like this, Aleksandr! Ang sabi ko’y ’wag mo nang dadalhin ang mga gano’ng tao rito sa pamamahay natin!”

“This is the main house of the Romanov, Tessa. They’re part of the family. Of course, they are too, welcome in this house.”

Mom made a sound as if she couldn’t believe what dad said.

“So, ako pa ang kailangang mag-adjust na basta-basta na lang may papasok na mga lalaking hindi ko kilala rito sa bahay?”

Dad sighed.

“I could buy another house for you where you can stay. Kung ayaw mo ng ganitong sitwasyon.”

“That’s not the point, Aleksandr!” She groaned. Mukhang mas lalo pang nagalit si mommy. “This is our house! Bakit ako pa ngayon ang parang kailangang umalis?”

“Tessa… You knew what I was and what situation I was in when you chose to be with me. Hindi ako nagkulang sa pagpapaliwanag sa ’yo. You told me you’re okay with it. Bakit nagiging problema natin ang ganito ngayon?”

“So, kasalanan ko pa pala? Kasalanan ko pang ganito ang buhay mo? Nadamay lang ako! Hindi ako sanay sa ganito, Aleksandr!”

Dad let out another resigned sigh. He took a step towards mom and held her arms gently. Parang pinapakalma.

“I just can’t leave them be, Tessa… They’re my family. They’ve been helping the family ever since.”

“Hindi mo naman sila totoong mga kadugo.”

“Still, that’s how Mafia family works,” Dad still tried to reason out. “Please… Hindi ko pwedeng pabayaan sila.”

“Paano naman ako? Paano si Serj? Baka kung anong gawin ng mga taong ’yon!”

“I assure you, Tessa. No harm will ever come to you and our son because of them. They are bound to protect the family. Hindi ka dapat sa kanila matakot.”

But mom still looked scared. I could also see the anger and regret she had in her eyes as she looked at my father. And I knew dad saw it too.

Napabuntong-hininga ulit si Dad bago tuluyang niyakap si Mommy.

“I’m sorry, Tessa. But please… Pang-unawa mo lang ang kailangan ko.”

I couldn’t really understand the look that my mother had on her face as Dad pleaded with her. I couldn’t understand the look on my father’s face as he hugged mom.

It would be years later before I could understand those looks they had at that time. Because back then, kung nalaman ko agad kung anong nasa isip ni Mommy no’n, then maybe… I would also mirror my father’s expression at that time.

He was afraid he was going to lose something important to him.

“Can’t I go with you, mom?” I asked as I watched her put her clothes in the luggage.

Mom didn’t even look at me when she answered.

“Sandali lang naman ako do’n, Serj… Babalik din ako agad.”

Sabi n’yang babalik s’ya agad pero bakit ang dami n’yang dalang gamit?

I didn’t voice out my thoughts. Parang nagmamadali rin kasi s’ya. Alam ko ring hindi ko na s’ya mapipilit sa gusto ko.

“Tessa…”

I saw mom flinch when dad called her. He was standing in the doorway. But mom was smiling when she looked at him.

“Ikaw na ang bahala kay Serj, Aleksandr… Saglit lang ako. Promise.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to take you to the Philippines? We could use my private plane.”

Mom shook her head so firmly.

“No. ’Wag n’yo na rin akong ihatid sa airport. Kaya ko na naman.”

Dad stared at her for a while. I was young but I could tell it was fear I could see in my dad’s eyes. A new and estranged emotion I rarely see him make. Only at mom.

He sighed.

“Okay… Mag-iingat ka do’n, ha? And please… Call us.”

Mom nodded before she looked at me. Nakatingala ako sa kanya kaya kitang-kita ko ang pagbabago sa expression ng mukha n’ya. Pero agad din ’yong nawala.

She smiled at me.

“Behave, Serj, okay?”

I nodded.

“I’ll wait for you, Mom…”

Her smile was so different from the usual smile she’s always showing me. But I was just a child back then. I couldn’t really understand everything.

Mom hugged me. I didn’t know it would be the last time I would feel her hug.

“I love you so much, Serj… Please, don’t ever forget that.”

That was the last time I saw my mother in Russia.

I was young. I was confused about everything. I didn’t know how long or how quickly the word ‘soon’ should be.

Mom said those words in Tagalog. “Babalik ako agad.” But I knew it meant soon. She would be back soon. Pero wala akong ideya kung gaano katagal o kabilis ang salitang iyon.

But for mom, the meaning of that word might be the former. Matagal ang kahulugan ng salitang iyon sa kanya.

I waited for her. I waited for her call every day. Pero walang dumating na kahit ano sa mga ’yon.

“Dad, does mom called yet?” I once asked my father when I thought I had finally waited enough.

Ang tagal. Two of my birthdays already even passed. But she still hadn’t come home.

Dad looked at me with so much sadness in his eyes.

“No, Serj… Hindi pa s’ya tumatawag.”

“But why? I thought she said she’ll be back soon. Why hasn’t she even called us even once?”

“I don’t think she’ll ever call us, son…”

I looked at my dad. His eyes looked really sad now. I could even tell that he wanted to cry but he was trying his best not to.

It just made me confused even more.

“Why?” I asked, confused.

“She might not come back anymore.”

That scared me. I don’t want to lose my mother. I don’t want to grow up without her. I still want her to teach me Tagalog words.

Maybe she left because I was having a hard time learning the language?

No… If that’s the case, then I will do my best to learn. Just so she would come back.

“Then get her, dad… Don’t let her get away.” My vision blurred. I couldn’t explain the tightening of my chest. “Please, don’t let mom go… I want my mom…”

Ah… I was crying. And that feeling in my chest was because I was hurt.

I was terrified. I’m scared I won’t see my mom again.

“Dad, please…” I sobbed. “Bring her back. Bring my mom back.”

“Alright…” Dad said as he hugged me but that just made me cry even more. “I’ll go to the Philippines and bring her back.”

I wanted to go with Dad. I wanted to see my mother too. It had been so long since I last saw her and I missed her so much.

But dad didn’t let me. He said that mom might be pressured when she sees me so I should just stay here and wait.

So, I waited again.

I couldn’t understand though. Why would mom feel pressured by the sight of me? I am her son, right? Doesn’t she miss me too? Doesn’t she love me too? So, why did dad say she would feel pressured instead?

I had so many questions at that time that nobody gave me an answer. Grown-ups are really complicated.

But… I just want my mom back.

Dad came back after a few weeks but instead of Mom, he had someone with him instead. It was a kid. A kid who was probably around my age too.

“Who is he?” I asked my father but my gaze remained on the kid who was looking around the house. Nakalimutan ko pansamantala ang tungkol kay Mommy.

“He is…” Dad looked at the kid. “Ano nga ulit ang pangalan mo, hijo?”

“Wala akong pangalan.” The kid looked at me. “Pwede mo ’kong bigyan ng pangalan.”

“Why would I?” I asked, frowning.

I couldn’t understand this kid too. He was even more complicated than the grown-ups.

He shrugged.

“Ikaw ’yung nagtatanong, eh,” he just said then looked around the house again.“

Dad chuckled. He looked as if he was enjoying watching the two of us talk.

“Give him a name, Serj… Something you think would suit him.”

I looked at the kid who looked back at me too. I noticed he had dark green eyes.

I thought of the first word that came into my mind as I looked at the estranged kid.

Kill…

No. Not because I want to kill him. But those eyes told me that he was capable of doing that.

“Killian,” I said. “That would be your name.”

“Killian…” the kid mumbled before he looked me straight in the eyes. “I like it.”

“Killian… This is Serj. My son. ’Yung ikinukwento ko sa ’yo.” Dad looked at me. “You two will be brothers from now on.”

Ah… I get it. Dad adopted someone again. Hindi naman na bago ’yon. He’s always adopting someone, even if they’re already grown-ups and they would be a part of the Mafia family too. But not directly as Romanov.

This was the first time that my father adopted someone and would even give him our surname. I don’t know why. I don’t know what’s different with this kid.

“Nakakaintindi ka ba ng Tagalog?” Killian asked when he went inside my room. Palagi s’yang nakasunod sa ’kin.

“A bit,” I said as I climbed on the bed.

“How? ’Di ba Russian ang salita n’yo rito?”

“My mother taught me.”

“Ah…” Napatango-tango s’ya. “Oo nga pala. Filipino s’ya.”

“Yeah… She’s in the Philippines too. But she said she would be back soon.”

Oh… I forgot to ask dad why he didn’t come back with mom. I’ll just ask him tomorrow.

Killian chuckled. I looked at him, confused, as I wasn’t saying anything funny. So, ano’ng pinagtatawan ng batang ’to?

“Naniniwala ka pa rin do’n?”

Killian had that annoying smile on his lips. He was smirking and I could feel he was treating me like an idiot.

It pissed me off. Matalim ko s’yang tinignan.

“What the fuck are you laughing at?”

He chuckled even more.

“You’re scary. But so stupid,” he said that made me grit my teeth. “Hindi mo ba maintindihan na kaya hindi namin kasamang bumalik ang nanay mo, eh, dahil ayaw n’ya nang bumalik?”

“What?”

“Hindi na s’ya babalik, Serj… Iniwan ka na ng nanay mo.”

I was livid. Mabilis akong bumaba ng kama at sinugod si Killian. I threw a punch and he just accepted it. Tumama iyon sa panga n’ya at sa lakas ay natumba pa s’ya.

“Take that fucking back, asshole!”

Kinubabawan ko s’ya. I threw another punch on his face but Killian was just chuckling. Mas lalo akong nanggigil nang hindi pa rin nabubura ang ngisi sa mga labi n’ya.

“Why the hell are you getting mad at me? I’m just telling the truth! You should get mad at your mother!”

“Shut the fuck up, bastard!”

Muli ko s’yang sinuntok. Galit na galit ako. I wanted to ruin his face so much. I wanted to erase that smirk on his lips. I wanted him to stop chuckling as if he was enjoying my misery.

The name I picked for him was just right. As I wanted to kill him right then.

“You’re lying! You’re fucking lying!” sigaw ko sa bawat suntok na pinapakawalan ko.

But Killian laughed even more. I realized then that he was crazy.

He was insane.

“Serj! Killian!”

Naramdaman kong may bumuhat sa ’kin palayo kay Killian. I was still livid. Nagwawala na ako. I was throwing punches in the air, thrashing everywhere.

“Serj! Stop!” I heard my father’s voice booming through the entire room.

I stilled. Tumingin ako kay Dad. I realized I was already crying.

“Dad… It’s a lie, right? Mom didn’t leave me, right?”

I waited for him to say anything. Para mapamukha ko sa Killian na ’yon na mali s’ya. But when I saw his pained expression, I realized it was I who was wrong.

“She promised!” napahagulgol na ako. “She promised she would be back! She promised me!”

Dad hugged me pero hindi ako tumigil sa pag-iyak. He tried to caress my back in the hope that I would calm down.

“Shh… It’s okay, Serj… Tahan na.”

“She promised!” I sobbed. “She promised but she lied! I waited for her!”

I waited for her. I held on to her promise. Pero hindi n’ya tinupad.

I hate this.

I hate my mother so much.

Epilogue (Part 2)

Even before, the members of the Romanov Mafia family were already questioning my father’s choice when he chose a Filipino as his woman. They wanted a Russian for the wife of the Mafia Lord, as it would strengthen the family. They fear that other families would look down on the Romanovs, which could threaten the safety and power of the family.

But Dad, as he loved my mother so much, still chose her. He said she was the only woman whom he wanted to spend his life with, and whom he wanted to be there for him as he took care of the matters of the Mafia family too.

It all went down when my mother chose to leave us.

When the others found out about it, they didn’t stop blaming my father. They didn’t stop telling him that only if he listened to them, then this would never happen. That he was a useless Pakhan as he didn’t even listen to them. That he was a weak Mafia Lord that he even let something like this happen. That he couldn’t even secure his own woman, and he couldn’t even take her back.

The family back then began to feel anxious. They were afraid that because of this, other Mafia families would view us as weak. That they would laugh at us. That they would be a laughingstock and wouldn’t take our business seriously anymore.

Not only did the Pakhan’s woman, a Filipino managed to leave him, but also left an heir who is not a pure-blooded Russian.

There had been a debate about whether they would let me take my father’s place soon or they just let my father find another Russian woman to produce an heir. They hated the idea of having a half-blooded Russian as the Pakhan whom his mother left him when he was still a child.

But my father, I guessed he loved my mother deeply, didn’t want to find another woman. So, he just started to train me hard. He trained me how to exert my dominance, how to be frightening and intimidating, and how to be ruthless.

“I’m sorry for this, Serj…” my dad said as he treated the wound on my face where his punches landed earlier. “I’m sorry that I have to train you extremely.”

“It’s okay, Dad…” I said and it sounded like it was with no emotion. I had a cut on my lips and I was trying not to make it hurt even more. “There was nothing we could do about it anyway.”

Dad sighed. I winced when he pressed the cotton slightly harder. He noticed it. Napatigil s’ya.

“Does it hurt?” he asked. “I’m sorry.”

I shook my head.

“No. It’s nothing.”

Of course, that was a lie. It fucking hurts so much I felt like I was dying. My body hurt that it had been run by a ten-wheeler truck so many damn times that I started to wish I could numb myself so I wouldn’t feel the pain.

But I couldn’t even let myself show any emotion. I had to kill my emotions. So, others wouldn’t see me as weak.

“Please don’t be mad at the family,” father said softly. “They only wanted the best.”

“I know, dad…” I said. “I understand.”

I understand. That’s why I tried so hard to learn quickly all those things that my father taught me. I tried so hard to get my body used to the pain so if there were a time I would get into a fight, it wouldn’t be a problem. I would recover quickly.

I tried so hard to prove to the family that I am worthy. That I am not just that child whom his mother just left him. That I could be a great leader as my father.

Slowly, when the family started to see my improvements, they finally accepted me.

Of course, some still questioned me about being the Mafia Lord’s heir. Hindi nagbago ang tingin nila. They still saw me as a weak child because I was not a full-blooded Russian.

“I still don’t think you’re fit to be the next leader,” one of the Brigadiers said. “I think a full-blooded Russian is still better than you.”

I just remained to stare at him. He seemed unaffected but I knew deep down that he felt intimidated.

Gusto kong matawa. He said all of those and yet he’s acting like this? What a fucking wimp.

It’s him who doesn’t fit as a Brigadier .

“What?” he roughly said just to hide his fear that I know why growing even more. “Why aren’t you saying anything? You’re accepting what I said, huh? You know I was right!”

I just chuckled. I don’t have to say anything. He’s already frightened by me.

But Killian… He was different. Kaya hindi na ako nagtaka nang may lumipad na punyal. It landed on the sofa where the Brigadier was sitting, just a millimeter away from his shoulders.

He seemed shocked. Blood drained from his face as he looked at Killian with wide eyes.

“W-w-what—”

“W-w-what?” Killian mocked that made me smirk. He laughed insanely.

“What the fuck did you do that for?!” the Brigadier angrily said when he recovered.

Killian put his pinky finger in his ear and massaged it. He even winced as he did so.

“What a fucking loud mouth,” he said. “I hate what’s coming out from your mouth so I figured I had to do something about it. But lucky you… I missed.”

Killian was smirking and I knew that he didn’t really miss the throw. Even the Brigadier knew about it. Killian is the best with weapons. 

Though he was unstoppable with his fists and kicks.

“But it’s the truth!” the Brigadier insisted even though his voice was already trembling. “It is better if our next leader would be a pure-blooded Russian!”

I wonder what would happen if I stood up from my seat. The dumbass looked really frightened now.

“You want a pure-blood Russian?” Killian asked with a crazy smirk on his lips. “I know where we could get one.”

Killian moved. He walked near the man na kulang na lang ay isiksik ang katawan sa sofa. Pareho pa kaming natawa ni Killian nang hindi na natago ng lalaki ang takot sa mga mata n’ya.

“You’re a pure-blood, right?” Killian asked as he stood over the man who was looking up at him. “I could just drain your blood then and make my boss bathe with it. That way… We can now have an heir with a pure-blood Russian, right?”

I chuckled.

“Your kink is fucking disgusting, Killian.”

Natawa na rin si Killian at nilingon ako.

“Sorry, boss. This asshole is just really fucking pissing me off.”

He looked down at the man again and smirked devilishly.

“That was just the simplest way though. You’re lucky that Serj isn’t doing anything to you. You’d be dead by now.”

The Brigadier looked at me. Mabilis s’yang umalis sa upuan n’ya at lumuhod sa harap ko.

“ Mne zhal’. Mne zhal’, Pakhan. Mne zhal’. “ He took my hand and even kissed the back of my palm.  “ Mne zhal’ .“

“Next time that fucking mouth would say rotten things about my boss again, I would do what I said,” Killian said. “Don’t mess with him again.”

Killian looked at me and gave me a menacing smirk as if he was satisfied when the Brigadier started to tremble in fear.

I smirked back at him. Damn, I knew it. He was really an insane man.

Killian helped me greatly as to how the family finally accepted me as the next Mafia Lord. He was there to intimidate and threaten those who questioned my power. Saying that if they couldn’t even get passed by him, then no one should ever oppose me.

After that, it was easy to let them know how ruthless I could be. I started to torture those who were the enemies of the family. Especially those who betrayed the family.

Dahil doon, namatay na ang anumang pagdududa nila kapag ako na ang naging Pakhan .

And then… I heard from that woman again.

“She wanted to see you, Serj.”

I frowned at my father. He went inside the office just to tell me about this fucking news.

“You’re still communicating with her?” inis kong tanong. “Just how stupid can you get when it comes to her, dad? Have you forgotten that she fucking left you?”

Napabuntong-hininga si Dad. Umupo s’ya sa harap ng desk table, katapat ko. Si Killian ay tahimik lang na nakatayo at naksandal sa pader.

“I cut off our communication, Serj… But she reached out to me. She said she wanted to see you.”

I chuckled with so much sarcasm.

“Really? Then why isn’t she here?”

“She wanted you to go to the Philippines and visit her.”

Mas lalo lang akong nainis. Ano na naman ang katangahan ’yon? She wanted to see and yet she didn’t want to go to Russia and want me to do all that hassle and go to the Philippines instead?

That woman is unbelievable. I wonder how dad could love a such woman.

“Tell her I don’t have a plan of seeing her again.”

“Serj…” I didn’t like the tone of my dad’s voice. “She’s still your mother.”

I looked at him and I know he could see in my eyes how pissed off I was with this conversation.

“That is what makes it worse, Dad… She’s my mother. And yet she left me.” I had to take a deep breath as anger was starting to build in my chest. “If she didn’t want me as her son, then I don’t want her to be my mother as well.”

“That’s not the case, son… She wanted you. That’s why she’s reaching out now.”

“After all those years? After she left us when she promised that she would come back?” I chuckled. “What did she think of me? Just some things that could be discarded and retrieved anytime?”

Dumagdag pa sa inis at galit ko ang parang wala lang kay Dad ang ginawa ng babaeng ’yon. I found out back then the reason why he didn’t comeback with her in Russia when he was planning to take her back.

It was because she already had another family. She saw her holding a newborn baby with her new husband.

Fucking dammit. Just two years after she left us and yet she already had a new family?

And now… She wanted to see me? What a thick face she has.

“Just give her a chance, Serj… She also wanted you to meet your half-brother.”

I balled my fist. I closed my eyes tight as I suddenly saw red. I wanted to break things. I wanted to break the desk in half.

Really? She wanted me to meet that son that she chose to take care of while she left me?

Fuck. Ang tanga.

Damn it. I wanted to do something about the anger that was in my chest. Whenever things about that woman came up, I always feel mad. I feel livid.

I wanted to ruin everything around her. I wanted her to feel all those things I felt when she left me. Those things I’ve experienced. Those times when I felt worthless because of what she did.

She was the reason why Dad had to train me hard. The reason why I had to prove myself worthy. Because apparently, she never makes me feel that way.

I have a useless mother. She was the reason why I suffered even if I was just a kid.

Oh… That’s right. Maybe… I could do something about it. I should do something about it.

That woman had to learn her lesson.

So, I went to the Philippines…

There, I got to meet not only her new family but also their closest family friend. That woman wanted me to meet them so they invited them that day too.

I almost laughed at what I noticed just by looking at their eyes once. They weren’t all good people. Especially that woman’s new husband.

It wouldn’t be long before he’ll finally show his true colors. I’m fucking certain of that.

“I’m so glad you’re here, Serj,” that woman said. She even had the guts to hold my hand. “Sana hindi ito ’yung maging huling pagbisita mo. Ay, wait… Nakakaintindi ka ba ng Tagalog?”

I looked at her. Deadpan.

“What do you think? You stopped teaching me. You left before I could even construct a sentence.”

I saw how her guilt ate her. Hindi s’ya makapagsalita. Namula pa ang mukha na parang nahihiya.

Yeah, that’s right… I fucking hate how you’re acting right now anyway. As if you didn’t do something wrong. As if you never left me, your son.

“Ah… Bakit hindi muna kayo maglaro sa labas nitong kapatid mo, Serj?” Charles said, her new husband. He looked at his son. “C’mon, Yakov. Makipaglaro ka sa Kuya mo.”

The kid looked at me. He looked fascinated as he stared at me. I don’t know why. But then… Kids are always fascinated with everything.

Right then and there, I knew I hated this kid.

It was probably unfair to hate an innocent child. But then, he’s the son of that woman. Ang batang mas piniling alagaan ng babaeng ’yon matapos akong iwan.

“Laro tayong baril-barilan, Kuya!” Yakov said with a wide smile on his face but I didn’t return it. “Kukunin ko lang ’yung mga laruan ko sa kwarto!”

He ran upstairs after that. Hindi rin naman ako nakatagal doon sa loob at lumabas doon sa back garden nila. That other family was acting like I wasn’t there. Especially the wife. Although I could tell that the husband was curious about me.

That woman was probably hoping that she could fix our relationship. But I don’t have a plan to do that. I hate that she was my mother.

In the garden, I saw a little girl digging in the dirt with a stick. She looked like a mess. Her pigtails were ruined. There was dirt all over her face and dress.

I chuckled inwardly. I don’t know why but it was refreshing to see such innocence in a place like this. Hindi s’ya bagay sa ganitong lugar. A place that was full of fucked up people.

“You shouldn’t be here,” I said, saying out loud my thoughts.

The kid was staring at me. She was staring directly into my eyes and I saw amusement in them.

Such innocence…

“What?” she asked.

Mas lalong lumawak ang ngisi ko nang mapagmasdan ang mukha n’ya. Ang dumi-dumi.

“Beggars are not allowed in here.”

She was dazed for a moment. Hindi yata naiintindihan ang sinabi ko. But then I saw the irritation in her eyes. She stood up and put a hand on her waist.

“I am not a beggar!”

“Hmm?” I eyed her from head to toe. It was obvious she enjoyed digging in the dirt. “Okay. My bad.”

I stared at her. Mukhang mas lalo pa s’yang nainis.

Then, I don’t understand why or how she managed to awaken something inside my chest. Something I thought I buried a long time ago. Back then I realized that my mother had left and broken her promise.

I suddenly wanted to protect that innocence. Something I didn’t get to experience. Something that was taken away from me before I could enjoy my childhood.

I don’t want someone to take it away from her. Which I knew would happen with the place she would grow up in.

I could at least protect this girl. Protect her and keep others from taking away what was taken away from me.

Epilogue (Part 3)

This story finally reached its end. Thank you so much for reading Serj and Natalia’s story!

---

I became the head of the Romanov Mafia family. No one dared to oppose the decision, especially when the family became one of the most powerful Bratva families just a year after I became the leader. We slowly dominate the city. But I plan to dominate the whole country too.

I wanted the Romanov family to be the most powerful. I wanted to surpass their expectations. For them to take back what they thought and said to me back then that because of their guilt and shame, they would even think of cutting their tongues.

“Damn… I’m so proud of my boss,” Killian said one time when I closed a deal with one of the Mafia leaders. Some of our soldiers made the mistake of getting in their way so I had to talk with the leader to avoid any war that might arise.

Fucking dumbasses. It was their mistake yet I was the one to clean it up.

I looked at Killian. He had his arms spread apart as if showing me how proud he was of me after the leader left my office.

I heaved a deep sigh and rested my whole weight on the backrest of my swivel chair.

“I told you not to call me boss. You’re my brother, Kill…”

When I looked at him, he had an annoying grin on his lips.

“Thanks, boss.”

I let out an annoyed sigh. I’ve told him so many times not to call me his boss. Even if I was now the Pakhan , I’ve never considered him as an underling anyway. Though he was the best at the job. Still, since the day that dad introduced him as my brother, iyon na ang naging turing ko sa kanya.

It wasn’t long before that woman contacted me again. She wanted me to visit her again but I didn’t accept any of her invitations.

But if I didn’t give her any reply, she’ll contact my father again. That wouldn’t give me any other choice but to reply as I didn’t want her to have contact with my father again.

It pissed me off how callous that woman was. She never thought of anyone’s feelings other than her. Ang kapal ng mukha.

I hate it so much that she’s my mother.

Mas lalo lang lumala ang kagustuhan kong ibalik sa kanya ang mga ginawa n’ya. I wanted to make her suffer for what she did. I wanted her to regret intensely that she left us. Gustong-gusto ko s’yang masaktan.

She doesn’t deserve to be a mother.

I intended to exact my wrath by taking everything from her other son. From Yakov. It was not right. Both of us were her sons. Although I was her first child, she lavished everything on Yakov. Yakov was the one she looked after.

Now, she’s saying she wanted to make up for everything? Palagay n’ya ba talaga gano’n lang kadali ’yon?

Nah… I’ll make them all suffer. She, her son, and her new husband.

I figured I was a vengeful man. That’s how the Mafia works anyway. To make people that wronged us pay the price for their actions.

But my grudge doubled when I heard that the little girl I met back then became Yakov’s girlfriend.

I was furious. I just couldn’t accept it. Why does Yakov get everything I wanted?

Natalia was that little girl back then who I wanted to protect her innocence. That innocent little girl gave me the chance to do something, to save my childhood innocence, which I wasn’t able to experience, by saving hers.

More than everything else, I wanted Natalia to become mine. Hindi kay Yakov. Hindi kanino man. Just mine to own, mine to ruin, and mine to love.

Hindi ko s’ya hahayaang mapunta lang kay Yakov. I would do everything to make her mine. Everything.

I would ruin everything for her.

“I’m glad that you accepted my invitation, Mr. Senator,” I said as I offered him a handshake. “I am Sergei Alexandrovich Romanov.”

Joaquin Gonzales accepted my hand and shook it firmly. Napangisi ako. There was a saying that you could tell what kind of people are by their handshake.

And right now? I instantly knew that this man in front of me is influential. The type that doesn’t take their eyes away from their goal.

“I know who you are,” he said as he sat on the sofa across from where I was sitting. “You’re Tessa’s first son, right?”

I nodded. Amused that he could still remember me.

“I was honestly surprised that you reached out to me.” There was a frown on his face. “So? Ano’ng gusto mong pag-usapan?”

I studied him. This is the father of the woman I love. Normal people would want to look good in front of the parents of the person they love. But I have no intention of doing so. It wasn’t in my nature. Plus, it’s not necessary for what I’m about to do.

“I will help you in your Presidential candidacy… If you would help me too,” deretsong sabi ko.

He was surprised but he tried to hide it. Deretso lang s’yang nakatingin sa mga mata ko. I almost showed him an amused smirk.

I chuckled inwardly. Right… If he’s like this, then there wouldn’t be any problem if I told him everything about me.

“How, though? I’m telling you, Mr. Romanov, I don’t have a plan of winning by cheating.”

I couldn’t stop my chuckle this time.

“It wouldn’t be cheating if more people would support you, right?”

He eyed me. Hindi ako nag-iwas ng tingin. He was trying to see if I was telling the truth. At nakita kong nalaman n’ya kaagad ang sagot doon.

“How… would you do that?” he asked warily.“

I took a deep breath. Umayos ako ng pagkakaupo.

“I am a Pakhan , Senator Gonzales. A leader of the Bratva. I have lots of connections.”

This time, he wasn’t able to hide the surprise on his face. As if he wasn’t expecting to hear something like that.

“Bratva… A Russian Mafia?” paniniguro n’ya.

I nodded my head firmly.

“Yes, Senator Gonzales. I am the head of the Romanov Mafia family.”

He was quiet for a while. I gave him time to assess everything. It wasn’t every day that someone would introduce themselves to you as a Mafia lord.

“I assume that’s how you found out about my plan of running for Presidency,” he said. “It wasn’t known in public yet.”

I gave him a sly smile.

“Yes, Senator. I need to know what you want so I could offer something you wouldn’t be able to refuse,” I said. “I also found out that you wanted to cut ties with your longtime partnership with Chief Fuentebella. You don’t want a corrupt public servant to taint your name, right?”

I polished my plan before I even made a move. Senator Gonzales would be a great help if I wanted to bring down that corrupted man.

I didn’t want just his downfall. I wanted his destruction.

Senator Gonzales took a deep breath. When he looked at me again, I saw the determination in his eyes.

“What do I need to do?” he asked which made me smirk.

I look straight into his eyes.

“I want your daughter, Senator Gonzales.”

I already expected the anger I saw in his eyes. He looked mad that I even thought he would back out on this deal.

But I won’t let him. He wouldn’t. Napag-aralan ko na ang lahat.

“You think I would just hand my daughter over to you?” There was even anger in his voice. “We only just met formally today, Mr. Romanov. And my daughter isn’t some kind of thing that you think I could just hand over. She’s my daughter for Christ’s sake!”

“Nobody’s thinking of her like an object, Senator.” I stopped and tilted my head to the side when I thought of something. “But then… Maybe my half-brother does.”

When he didn’t say anything and just gritted his teeth, it was then I knew that he didn’t like Yakov for his daughter.

Everything is in my favor.

“I’m just asking for your permission as you are his father,” I continued. “But I’m planning to take her away from my dumbass half-brother and make her mine even without it, Senator. I have my ways. I don’t even need your help.”

He looked offended but he didn’t try to oppose what I said. He’s a smart man. He knew that I’m telling the truth. Especially with what I told him about me earlier.

I gave him a formal smile.

“But I would help you, Senator. We both have something we wanted to happen after all.”

He wanted Chief Fuentebella to go down. And I knew he wanted Yakov and Natalia to break up too.

I could see that he was considering it. But I also knew the thing that was holding him back.

“Whether my daughter would want to be with you or not, it would be her decision. Not mine,” he said. “Ayokong ipilit s’ya sa lalaking hindi n’ya gusto. She already had that much from her mother.”

“That would be fine, Senator. But if she chooses to be with me, I want your support.”

He gritted his teeth.

“Do not hurt her in any way, Romanov. I’m warning you.”

“Hurting her would be the last thing that would come to my mind.”

He studied me. But I knew he was considering everything I told him. I was willing to give him time but I couldn’t wait. I didn’t want to wait anymore.

Sa bawat segundong naiisip ko na pag-aari s’ya ni Yakov, mas lalong nauubos ang pasensya ko. She shouldn’t be with him. She shouldn’t be with anyone other than me. Only me.

“Alright,” Senator Gonzales finally said. “Tell me your plan.”

Hindi ko na napigilan ang ngisi ko. I didn’t care how I looked in front of him. I was glad this was going according to my plan.

I told him about Sabrina. The only girl I think would fit my plan.

It was Senator Gonzales that talked to her. That girl was very useful. She was selfish. She wanted fame. She wanted Yakov. We didn’t even need to threaten her. She agreed with our plan easily with the promise that she would get what she wanted in the end.

Poor Yakov… All the people around him were all fucked up. As if they were a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

But then again, Yakov’s like them too. Hindi na ako magtataka kung bakit naging ganoon s’ya. Both of his parents were rotten.

My plan worked. Yakov took the bait. He was having the time of his life with Sabrina, acting like he didn’t have a girlfriend at all.

As much as I wanted to beat him till all he could do was crawl on the floor, this was what I wanted to happen after all.

It was my plan. Anyone would probably think that I was cruel to come up with a plan like that but Yakov’s an asshole to take the bait. If he wasn’t, then he wouldn’t even think of cheating. He wouldn’t even think of going behind Natalia’s back.

It was his choice.

Mas lalong lumalalim lang ang galit ko para sa kapatid ko. At para sa babaeng hindi nagpakaina sa ’kin.

She chose to stay and take care of Yakov. She could at least make it justifiable by choosing a deserving person in exchange for abandoning me and hurting me when I was just a small child. She’s making it look like I was worse than my brother.

But then… I probably am.

But then again, I didn’t care anymore. Wala na akong pakialam sa pamilyang ’yon. All that I cared about was the fact that Natalia finally became mine. She finally became mine.

I don’t plan on letting her go anymore. From now on, she’ll be only with me.

“Anak…”

I saw that woman block my way when I was walking toward the door. A traveling bag was in my hand, inside were the things that I took with me when I came back to the Philippines to finally make Natalia officially mine.

“Pwede ba kitang makausap?” alanganin n’yang sabi.

I sighed in annoyance. I didn’t even try to hide what I really felt. I hate seeing her in front of me right now.

“We have nothing to talk about anymore the moment you abandoned me,” I said coldly.

I saw her eyes tear up. I gritted my teeth, hating her guts to even feel hurt right now when she didn’t even think what I would feel when she left.

“May hinala na akong galit ka pa rin sa ’kin… Nakikita ko naman ’yon,” she said. “But it was confirmed to me when you called me a cheater.”

“What? It was the truth.”

She bit her lower lip, forcing herself not to cry.

“I’m trying to make it up to you, Serj… Gusto kong makabawi sa lahat ng pagkukulang ko sa ’yo.”

“You really think that would be enough? That I would just forgive you so easily?”

She wiped the tears that fell from her eyes.

Fuck it. This woman was so great at making me mad so fucking easily.

“Then tell me what I should, anak… Kahit ano, gagawin ko makabawi lang ako sa ’yo.”

I just stared at her. She looked desperate. Wala akong planong sagutin s’ya. I know to myself that there was nothing she could do that would make me forgive her. I don’t even want her in my life again.

If it wasn’t only for my plan, then I didn’t even want to see her ever again.

What for? She fucking abandoned me. That only meant that she didn’t want me. Then I didn’t want her in my life too.

But then as I stared at her, an idea came into my mind.

I almost smirked. Such a great opportunity…

“There might be something that you can do,” I said.

Her face lit up. Nagkaroon ng pag-asa ang mukha n’ya.

“Ano ’yon? Sabihin mo lang, Serj.”

I stared at her.

“Give me your company. It is yours, right? Hindi naman ’yon sa asawa mo.”

She stilled. Nakitaan ko agad ng pagtutol ang mukha n’ya.

See? What a fucking liar. It wasn’t true that she would do everything to make it up to me.

Ah… I fucking hate this woman so much.

“B-but, Serj… Kay Yakov ko kasi iha-hand over ang kompanyang ’yon…” alanganin n’ya pang sabi.

I tilted my head to the side and stared at her. Nah… I would take everything away from that bastard.

“Why? I am your firstborn, right? Yakov didn’t deserve it. He’s not responsible.” I gave her a sly smile. “You know I’m good with business, right? You know that Mafias are good at handling business.”

I saw her hesitation. It was so clear that she wouldn’t do it which just pissed me off. But it shouldn’t have surprised me. She was like that even before. Always taking back her words. Saying something she wasn’t even planning to do at all.

I chuckled sarcastically.

“I thought you said you’re willing to do anything to make it up to me?”

“S-serj… Masyadong malaki ang hinihingi mo.”

“Malaki? That was nothing compared to what you did. You’ve never given me anything. Only hatred towards you. Tapos sasabihin mong malaki ang hinihingi kong kapalit?”

“Anak—”

“Don’t call me that. I hate being your son.”

I saw how much my words hurt her. Pero hindi ako nakaramdam ng pagkaawa. Hindi ako nakaramdam ng pagsising sabihin ’yon.

“I wish that you were not my mother.”

She cried. Mas lalo lang akong nabwisit doon.

This woman sure knew how to play the victim.

“This is a waste of time,” I said and started to walk again but she stopped me.

“Okay… Okay. Kung… K-kung iyon ang gusto mo, Serj, ibibigay ko ’yon ang kompanya sa ’yo,” she said as she wiped her tears. “Please know that I would really do anything for you, son. Mahal na mahal kita.”

But why did you abandon me? Why didn’t you come back as you promised?

Those questions never left my mouth. I don’t want to hear any excuses anyway.

“Good,” I said. “I’m expecting you won’t go back on your word this time.”

I took Natalia with me to Russia. The times I spent with her made me the happiest. She made me feel new emotions that I thought I would never be able to feel in my life. She made me see things in a different light. That despite this life I had, despite what kind of person I am, I deserve feelings like these too. I deserve happiness too.

She was always like that, since the first time I saw her. She gave me the chance, always giving me the chance, of the things I thought I didn’t deserve. Of the things I thought I wouldn’t have as it was taken away from me so early.

She was that kind of person for me.

“I want to know more about you, Serj. I want to know more about the man I’m falling in love with.”

I couldn’t believe the words she said. I couldn’t believe that there was a person who was willing to accept the life I have despite her fears. Despite her not being used to a life like this. I couldn’t believe that she was still willing to stay with me.

I was willing to let her go if she asked for it that time. Nakatatak na kasi sa ’kin na walang gustong manatali sa ganitong buhay. Hindi ko gustong pilitin s’ya kung ayaw n’ya ng ganitong buhay.

But she accepted it. She accepted this life kahit inamin n’ya sa ’king natatakot s’ya.

By then, she took away that fear in me. She took away the doubts I have in my chest.

She’s so unbelievable. She’s always surprised me with the things she does and makes me feel. Always giving me the chance with everything.

I’m so glad… so glad that I found someone like her. So glad that she came into my life. So glad that she chose to be with me. So glad that she still loves someone like me.

I love her so damn much. I would give everything and I would do everything for her.

I said those but… She asked for something. Something I don’t ever want to happen.

I was reminded of that time when I was a kid. That time haunted me even now. I was reminded of the pain.

It was happening again. Natalia was asking to leave.

“Serj… You have to learn how to let go.”

She accepted my life but she didn’t like how I planned everything. What I did do to get her. Iyon ang hindi n’ya nagustuhan.

And I couldn’t… just let her go like that. Umasa na ’kong makakasama ko s’ya lagi. Kasi tinanggap n’ya na ang buhay ko, ’di ba? Isang bagay na hindi nagawa ng babaeng ’yon. It was hard when I already hoped for something but it was crushed just like that.

“Natalia… You’re hurting me right now. You’re doing what my mother did to me.”

She cupped my face as tears fell from her eyes. I wanted to wipe them. I don’t want to see her crying. But something inside me felt like it was breaking too.

“Hindi ko gagawin ang ginawa n’ya. I will come back to you. I won’t even cut our communication but we still need to lie low at contacting each other.”

No… I don’t want that. I’m so scared that she won’t come back.

“You just have to trust me, Serj.”

How could I when the last time I did that, that person broke my trust so easily? How could I when I felt like it was happening again?

But then, this was what she wanted. She wanted to do something for herself. She wanted to let go of her pain as she said she wanted to love me freely. She wanted to be free. Free from all those pains.

Then how could I not give that to her? It was something she wanted and I would give her everything.

And maybe… I needed to do it too. I needed to let go. Of everything that was holding me back.

I want to be a better person for Natalia.

Kaya kahit mahirap, kahit na may takot at may pag-aalangan, hinayaan kong gawin n’ya ang gusto n’ya.

I trust her. I saw the love in her eyes when she was talking to me.

I will trust our love.

“I’m sorry, son…”

I looked at my dad. He sat beside me on the sofa inside my office, his office before. He put a whiskey glass on the table in front of me.

“I didn’t know that you feel that way.”

I sighed. Kinuha ko ang baso ay sumimksim ng alak doon.

“It’s okay, dad. Naiintindihan ko naman.”

“No.” He shook his head. “You were just a child back then but I forced everything on you. It was my fault. You took all the blame because of my wrong decisions.”

I didn’t say anything. I just continued sipping on my drink.

“I was wrong for choosing your mom. I was wrong for forcing her to enter this life. Kasalanan kong hindi ko nakita kung ano talagang nararamdaman n’ya,” he said. “But, Serj… Hindi ko masyadong pinagsisisihan ’yon dahil naging anak naman kita. I was so glad ’cause you are my son.”

I pursed my lips as I swallowed the lump in my throat.

“If you ever got hurt because of my wrong decisions back then… I’m so sorry, son. Hindi rin ganitong buhay ang gusto kong ibigay sa ’yo. I want to give you the best but….” He chuckled but I heard the pain in his voice. “I guess I failed to be a father to you, huh?”

I looked at him. He was smiling but I saw the pain in his eyes.

I sighed. I took a sip of the drink again before I looked at him.

“No, dad… You’re the best father for me.”

He looked surprised. May ilang mga sandali s’yang gulat lang na nakatingin sa ’kin. Then, I saw the side of his lips rose for a smile. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin. I sipped my drink again.

He didn’t say anything after that. We were both silent as we sipped our drinks.

I knew those words were enough for him. But when I glanced at him, it looked like those words were more than enough.

He is my father. I knew he wanted to give me the best. He did everything to fulfill being a father and a mother. He gave me a brother so I wouldn’t feel lonely.

I knew all he did. And for that, I was thankful to him.

I’m so glad to have a father like him.

I decided to talk to that woman again. I wanted to do something as I knew Natalia was doing her best too. Gusto ko ring may gawin para sa kanya. Gusto kong pagbalik n’ya, there wouldn’t be any problem from our past that would hold back our relationship again.

“Serj… I know what I did was unforgivable. Maiintindihan ko kung hindi mo man ako mapapatawad,” she said those but I saw pain in her eyes.

I looked at her. This woman gave me doubts about myself and other people. This woman made me so hard to trust people again. She made me think that people would eventually leave me too.

But I won’t let her make me feel that way again. I have Natalia now. I trust her. I love her.

“Tell me,” I said. “Why did you even make a promise when in the first place, you didn’t even plan of coming back?”

Her lips trembled. Yumuko s’ya. When she looked back at me again, there were unshed tears in the corner of her eyes.

“I’m sorry. Ginusto ko namang balikan ka… Pero natakot akong baka kapag bumalik ako ng Russia, hindi na ako paalisin ng ama mo.”

“You know that he wouldn’t do that,” I said with gritted teeth.

“I know… Napakabait ng ama mo, Serj. Hindi ko naman ginustong masaktan s’ya. Kayo. But… I don’t want that kind of life.”

“You knew what kind of life my father has but you still chose to be with him.”

“My mistake. Pero sinubukan ko namang tanggapin. Kasi mahal ko ang ama mo. Pero napuno ako ng takot. Ayokong mamuhay ng ganoon araw-araw. Kaya pinili ko ang umalis.”

“By abandoning your son.”

Her tears fell from her eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Serj…”

I just watched her crying in front of me. I know I wouldn’t be able to forgive her. I wouldn’t be able to accept her in my life as my mother.

But… thinking about Natalia, those fears she honestly said to me, somehow… I understood the reason why my mother left. 

But then, Natalia was different. Hindi s’ya nagpadala sa takot n’ya. Yet my mother did. Despite her already having a son. She chose to turn her back on the life we had.

“If y-you…” she sobbed. “If you couldn’t forgive me… If you couldn’t give me a chance… Pwede bang… Pwede bang bigyan mo naman ng chance si Yakov? I know you’re mad at him too. Pero wala s’yang kasalanan sa ginawa ko. He genuinely wants to be a brother to you.”

Hindi ako nagsalita.

“Just give your brother a chance, Serj… Kahit s’ya na lang.”

I don’t know. I wasn’t sure what I would do with Yakov. I hated what an asshole he was. I hated how immature he was. I hated how he got everything with that kind of attitude.

But… I saw it. Back in Siargao. I saw how hard he tried to be a brother to me.

Natalia… What should I do?

Hindi pa ako nakakakuha ng sagot when all of a sudden, Yakov was in front of me one day. He came to Russia and had the guts to came to the Romanov’s house.

I saw Killian smirking at me as he closed the door of my office as he went out. S’ya ang nagpapasok kay Yakov.

“What do you want?” deretsong tanong ko kay Yakov.

He winced. There was hesitation in his eyes as he looked at me.

“Gusto kitang makausap… K-kuya.”

I stared coldly at him when I heard what he just called me.

“Really? The last time we saw each other, you were so mad at me.” Tumayo ako at pumunta sa gilid kung saan nandoon ang bote ng whiskey. Nagsalin ako sa dalawang basong nandoon.

“I… I’m sorry… Nagalit lang ako kasi, kasi pakiramdam ko… you manipulated me.”

I chuckled and looked at him.

“I didn’t manipulate you to cheat and be a dumbass, Yakov. It was your choice.”

He looked guilty. Nakatayo pa rin ilang hakbang mula sa ’kin. Mukhang natatakot lumapit.

“I’m sorry, Kuya,” was all he managed to say.

I stared at him. Mukha s’yang batang pinagalitan ng magulang. He was still immature. Probably because he was given everything he wanted.

I sighed. Ibinigay ko sa kanya ang isang basong may lamang whiskey. Nag-aalangan pa n’ya ’yong kinuha.

“Have a seat, Yakov.”

We talked. I let him talk. Sa bawat sinasabi n’ya ay madalas humingi ng tawad that I almost wished I could ripped his mouth off.

“Iniwan ka ni Nat?” hindi makapaniwalang tanong n’ya.

I glared at the bastard. He looked away almost immediately.

“No. She promised she would come back. She just wanted to do things she wanted.”

Napatango-tango s’ya.

“Ah… Sabagay. She wasn’t given the chance to do what she wanted before.”

Then Yakov proceeded to talk about how strict her mother was. He also told me that she was even forcing them to get married when both Natalia and he obviously didn’t want it.

Yakov’s really a dumbass. No one in their right mind would refuse to marry Natalia.

But then, being him a dumbass gave me a favor. Natalia ended up becoming mine.

“Pwede ko s’yang bantayan!” he suddenly said. “Itataboy ko mga lalaking gustong lumapit sa kanya.”

I glared at the dumbass.

“Do you think I would also want you to be near her though?”

The fucking dumbass just chuckled.

“You don’t have to worry about me, Kuya. Parang kapatid lang naman ang turing ko kay Nat. Isa pa, gusto kong bumawi sa inyong dalawa.”

Natalia fulfilled her dreams. It took her three years to finally hold her own fashion show. I was the damn proudest of her. Such a talented and beautiful woman…

Those years, those times when she wasn’t by my side were all worth it, seeing her delivering her speech in front of the people who admired her works. She was looking at me, smiling. Her eyes shone brighter than the brightest star. Giving light and comfort for all the moments we were together.

It was worth it. With her, it was all worth it.

Natalia was moaning my name as I pumped my cock inside her. I wanted to be gentle but fuck, being gentle isn’t even in my dictionary. Hindi ko na rin mapigilan ang sarili ko. I wanted her so fucking much that I knew I was rougher than before.

I was staring at her as I moved on top of her. Fuck, she was the most beautiful. I love seeing her face like this. I love watching how she loves what I’m doing to her. I love to know how much effect I had on her.

“Serj…” she moaned and moved her hips with me. I almost lost it so I held her down.

“You want to come, huh?” I said and thrust even deeper. She gasped which made me smirk.

Damn it. This woman is driving me nuts.

“Yes, Serj. Please…” she begged. “Make me come.”

I chuckled before I claimed her lips.

Alright… I’ll do what she wanted this time. And in our lifetime.

She shuddered as she came beneath me. Titig na titig ako sa mukha n’ya. I love watching her come. She was beautiful. She was a seductress.

A few more thrust and I followed her. Bumagsak ako sa ibabaw n’ya. Ilang sandali bago ako makabawi at umalis para humiga sa tabi n’ya.

She wrapped her arms around me, her leg was on my waist too. As if she didn’t want to be away from me anymore.

That’s what I wanted too. Hindi na ulit ako papayag na umalis s’ya sa tabi ko.

“Thank you, Serj…” she said. Her eyes droopy as she looked up at me. She was using my arm as a pillow.

Hinawi ko ang ilang hibla ng buhok palayo sa mukha n’ya.

“For what?”

“For letting me do what I wanted. For patiently waiting for me.”

I smiled and kissed her forehead.

“I should be the one to thank you, love…”

She smiled.

“For what?”

“For always giving me the chance since the first time we met.”

She frowned. Mukhang walang ideya sa sinasabi ko. I just chuckled and pulled her body closer. I hugged her tightly.

“I love you so damn much, Natalia,” I whispered.

Yumakap s’ya pabalik sa ’kin at ibinaon ang mukha sa dibdib ko.

“I love you too, Serj.”

I smiled and kissed her on the top of her head. Silently thanking for finally having this woman in my arms.

Natalia made me learn so much. She taught me how to love right. She taught me to trust again. She taught me that my love could be bigger. She taught me to let go of things that were holding me back.

She taught me how to be free. She gave me chance. She gave me freedom. She gave me more than I deserve. More than what I wished for.

I only wanted her, but she gave me too much.

She was my obsession. And such a dangerous one.

Ah… It’s alright. Babawi ako sa kanya.

I have so much time to make up for everything she gave me. I have a lifetime with her.

Self-published Announcement

Hi everyone! I am excited to announce that this story, His Dangerous Obsession , is now a self-published book under Taralikha! The picture above is the official cover of the dust jacket as this is a hardbound copy.

There will be an additional FIVE special chapters that are only available in the self-pub book; one special chapter revealed the name of Serj and Natalia’s child, the future Pakhan of the Bratva! I also included the Russian Bratva hierarchy chart that revealed some of the future male leads in the La Dominante series. Plus, additional freebies for those who will avail the book!

Pre-ordering is now open until October 31. To order and for more information, you can visit the Facebook page Taralikha or my official page HiroYuu101 Journal (handled by my admins).

I hope you’ll support our Pakhan Sergei Alexandrovich Romanov!

— Comms