His Forbidden Desire

La Dominante is a dark romance series featuring dominant and possessive alpha males with twisted morals. They are not your typical hero that you fell in love with.

WARNING: This story contains a lot of mature scenes, explicit sexual content, and sensitive topics that are not appropriate for young readers. Reader discretion is advised.

Prologue

“Dad… can I go to the amusement park?”

From reading the papers in his hand, Dad just barely spared me a glance. I know he was busy, but I was getting bored. I really wanted to go out.

“No.”

I was already expecting his answer. But if I just stayed here in this house for today, I felt like I would go insane. My boredom would be my cause of death.

“Daddy, please? My classmates are always talking about it. I want to go there too.”

He huffed a breath. He removed his spectacles before he finally looked at me.

“How many times should I tell you ‘No’ before you understand, Yelizaveta?”

He was mad. Probably because I just disturbed him on his busy day. I twisted the teddy bear that I was holding, one of the gifts he had given me before. He must’ve thought that the toy would entertain me, just like all the other gifts he gifted me.

I pursed my lips to stop them from trembling. He wasn’t like this before. He was a loving father, giving me everything that I wanted. He was always playing with me with a smile on his lips and a gentle look in his eyes.

But ever since my mom died, he changed.

I was just six years old when I first noticed something was different with my family. My parents were nothing like those that my classmates had. The difference was so obvious, and everyone could see that whenever there would be a parent-teacher meeting. They treated my mom differently and with respect, as if she was the queen of Russia. But everyone wanted to talk to her or at least be acquainted with her to gain connections.

But with my father, it was kinda… over the top. Their respect for him was so high, I think it would even reach the sky. They wanted to be in his favor, but they were scared to approach him. They didn’t even dare be near him, even ten meters away. One time, it was Dad who went to the parent-teacher meeting, walang umupo sa tabi n’ya. The next person next to him was five seats away from him. Kahit na rin ang tao sa sa harap at likod n’ya.

It was a very awkward and uncomfortable meeting for everyone. So, my dad decided that that would be the first and last time he would attend a meeting like that.

I couldn’t understand why everyone was being like that. Ang alam ko lang, iba ang pamilya namin. I didn’t have a lot of friends. I even have the feeling that the friends I had at that time only befriended me out of fear for my father.

I was seven years old when my mom died. I still remember that day. I was waiting for my parents to come home because, for some reason, I couldn’t sleep that night. They were out at some business party they needed to attend at hindi nila ako pwedeng isama. So, I was left at home at that time with our housemaid and my father’s men to guard the house.

It was not until I heard some commotion outside the room. I was in my pajamas, but I got curious, so I went outside my room. Nakita ko ang mga tauhan ni Daddy, walking around the house, checking everything. Nobody noticed me, as they were all busy. So, I walked to my father’s study. At that time, I couldn’t understand why it was the first place I’d thought of. Basta doon ako dinala ng mga paa ko.

I found Dad, sitting on the long sofa around the center table. The room was dim, and he didn’t bother to turn on the lights. His face was buried in his hands, and his elbows were leaning on his knees. Wala na ang coat na suot n’ya kanina. His looks told me that there was something wrong.

“Dad…?”

I saw him flinch when he heard my voice. Hawak ko pa ang doorknob dahil nag-aalangan akong lumapit sa kanya. He looked at me, and I noticed even his hair was disheveled. And the expression I saw on his face was something I couldn’t understand at that time.

“Yeliz…”

Lumapit ako kay Daddy. He was looking at me, but… it felt as if he wasn’t really seeing me. Hinawakan ko ang mukha n’ya. I couldn’t understand why he looked so shaken.

“Where’s Mom?” I asked.

With that, his face contorted. Mabilis n’ya akong hinila para yakapin. I could feel his body trembling and, after that, his silent sobs.

The next morning, I was welcomed with the news that my mother had died.

Everything changed after that. My once lighthearted father became miserable. He became grumpy and… overprotective. I couldn’t even go outside the house without three or four of his men following me around. Even in my school. My friends decreased because of that. Natakot na silang lumapit sa ’kin.

And nobody ever told me the reason why my mother died. That topic became a taboo in our house.

I heard my father sigh. Mas lalong humigpit ang kapit ko sa teddy bear na hawak ko. I was afraid he would scold me. Though, he never scolds me, even once. Hindi n’ya rin ako pinagtataasan ng boses. But… I don’t know… Ever since my mother’s death, nahirapan na akong lumapit kay Daddy. There was something… scary about him.

“Vittorio will come. Just wait for him,” he said.

I smiled when I heard the name.

“Rio? Can I play with him?”

“Yes… but there’s something I need to talk to him about first. You can play with him after that.”

Mas lalong lumawak ang ngiti ko.

“Thank you, Daddy!” I said before I left his study. I decided to wait for Rio in the garden gazebo where we always play.

I could ask my father again to go to the amusement park with Rio this time! For some reason, palagi akong pinapayagan ni Daddy kapag si Rio na ang kasama ko.

I really like Rio. I met him one month after my mother’s death. Kaya rin siguro naging malapit ako sa kanya. I was sad and lonely as Dad became so busy that I couldn’t even mourn my mother properly. But Rio was there for me. He played and talked to me. Palagi n’ya akong sinasamahan.

He was fourteen and yet, I became really close with him. Kapag nagpupunta s’ya sa bahay, pagkatapos n’yang kausapin si Daddy ay nakikipaglaro s’ya sa ’kin. He sometimes teaches me about a topic in school that I was having a hard time with.

Rio was smart. He was Italian, but he could already speak four languages. Even Russian. And lately, he even taught me how to speak the Filipino language too. He was still learning the language, and I was willing to learn with him, para lang mas lalo akong mapalapit sa kanya.

I have a huge crush on Rio. I always look forward to those days when I can spend time with him. I was even planning to ask my father to get me married to Rio. But…

I blushed. Napahawak pa ako sa mga pisngi ko. They were warm.

Gosh… what the hell am I thinking? What if Rio doesn’t like me? What if he doesn’t want a partner six years younger than him? Ayoko namang pilitin pumayag s’yang maikasal sa ’kin dahil lang kay Daddy.

I giggled. Oh, my goodness. I was just nine years old pero married life na agad ang iniisip ko!

But… I think I will look forward to it if Rio is my husband.

“You seem happy, angioletto mio. “

Napatayo ako nang marinig ang boses na ’yon. I knew that voice!

I looked at the entrance of the gazebo and saw Rio leaning on the pillars. He had his arms crossed over his chest and a gentle smile on his lips.

“Rio!”

He chuckled and walked inside. Ngiting-ngiti akong pinagmasdan s’ya. He was wearing a dark blue long-sleeve shirt underneath his black vest. He was also wearing black pants. His dark hair was swept upward, with some of the strands falling on his forehead.,

He looked so dreamy. But I love his eyes more. His eyes had gold flecks in them that I really loved to look at.

“I was waiting for you!”

He ruffled my hair.

“Did you wait long?”

I think I waited for an hour, but I shook my head. I didn’t want him to feel burdened. After all, I was thankful that he was willing to spend time with me.

Napatingin ako sa hawak n’ya. He was holding a book. Napansin naman iyon ni Rio at ibinigay sa akin.

“Like I promised the last time we met, here’s a book for you.”

I took the book from him and read the title. It was in Filipino.

“That’s an easy read,” Rio said as he sat on the chair across mine. Naupo na ulit ako. “Anyway, if you find any words you can’t understand, you can just call and ask me.”

I smiled at him. I smiled for the reason that I had an excuse now if I wanted to call him. It was really a good idea that I started to learn the Filipino language. Mas napalapit nga ako kay Rio.

“Thank you…”

He smiled at me.

“Anything for angioletto mio .”

I blushed hard. Rio started calling me that even the first time we met. He said it meant “my little angel” in Italian. Because I looked like an angel. And I was his little angel.

I really like it whenever he calls me that. Naaalala ko kasi si Mommy. She was always calling me her angel too before hugging and kissing my cheeks.

I miss Mommy…

I skimmed through the book and saw a lot of Tagalog words. The last time Rio visited, he promised he would give me a Tagalog novel that was quick and easy to read just to practice my learning. I wasn’t even trying to be fluent in the language, pero gusto ko lang sabayan si Rio sap ag-aaral noon. And I think Rio had the intention to fully learn the language.

“Rio, can I ask you a question?”

“Of course…” May magaan na ngiti sa mga labi n’ya.

Gosh… I really like him.

“Why did you decide to learn the Filipino language?”

His smile faded. There was an emotion in his eyes that quickly faded. Natigilan ako. Because in that quick moment, he looked like someone I didn’t know. I blinked just to confirm, but it was already gone, and the gentle smile on his lips returned.

“My father got engaged to his Filipina girlfriend,” he said.

My eyes widened in surprise. I somehow got an idea about his family from what Daddy told me. An enemy took his brother when he was young, Rio was just four at the time, and until now, they still haven’t found him.

Then his mother also left them in grief. His dad found a new girlfriend, and now… I guess they were planning to get married.

“Wow! I guess he really loves her.”

“His girlfriend has a daughter who’s four years younger than me,” Rio said.

Muling nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Pagkatapos ay malawak na nangiti.

“I’m so happy for you, Rio! You’ll have a new sister too!”

Rio stared at me. He was still smiling, but… it was different from the usual gentle smile he always gives me. There was also a scary look in his eyes that I was surprised to see.

Is this Rio? I don’t understand. Why did he look like this? Why did he look so… scary?

My Rio is kind and considerate. That’s why I really like him. But I couldn’t see that anymore, even when he was still smiling at me.

“Non voglio che sia mia sorella.”

I looked at him, confused.

“What?”

He shook his head. The gentle smile was back on his lips.

“I hope you stay as innocent as you are, angioletto mio.”

Matagal bago ulit nakabisita si Rio pagkatapos noon. I was used to it anyway as I could understand that his home was in Italy. I wasn’t even sure why he would go out of his way to be in Russia just to talk with my dad.

But I was fine with it. We became close because of that anyway. I was happy that I met Rio.

I anticipated his next visit, as he told me over the phone that he’d introduce someone to me. Dahil sa naging usapan namin noong huli naming pagkikita, inisip kong ipakikilala n’ya ang magiging kapatid n’ya. I was really excited that I even told him to meet me first and introduced me to that someone, so I had someone to talk to while waiting for him to finish talking with my dad.

But that thought faded when he went to the gazebo with a boy who looked the same age as him.

“Who…?”

Nakatitig lang ako sa lalaking kasama ni Rio. He didn’t have any emotion on his face. Hindi man lang ako tiningnan simula nang pumasok sa gazebo. Everything he was wearing was black. Black coat, black inner shirt, black pants, and shoes. Even his wristwatch was black.

“Remember when I told you I’d introduce someone to you, angioletto mio? “

Tumango ako pero hindi na naalis ang tingin ko sa lalaki kahit na nagsalita si Rio. I was wondering why he didn’t have any emotion on his face.

“This man beside me is Devlin Antonovich Alexeev. You can just call him Devlin or Alexeev. Whatever you want.”

So, he is Russian… He had a patronymic name.

“Dev…” I tried to say his name. “Devil?”

I yelped and quickly covered my mouth with my hands. I didn’t know why I said that! I was going to say his name but obviously, iba ang nasabi ko!

Gosh… I hope I didn’t offend him! Nabulol lang yata ako.

Or am I? His name sounded and spelled like that anyway.

I heard Rio laugh but I got worried even more, especially when Devlin’s eyes found mine. Halos mapapitlag pa ako ng magtama ang mga mata namin. He still didn’t have any expression on his face so I wasn’t sure if he got offended with what I’d just called him.

Pero may ibang epekto ang mga mata n’ya. I think I did offend him because his eyes were… scary. I don’t know. I think it was because they were darker than black. Is there a color like that anyway?

But his eyes were like that. Like… like a void. Like an unending darkness.

“Well, you can call him that too. He is one anyway.”

Napatingin na ako kay Rio. Hindi ko kayang tagalan ang tingin ni Devlin. Nakakatakot. I just wanted to look at my gentle Rio.

“What?”

Rio smiled at me. His smile was enough to calm the nervousness I felt from Devlin.

“I chose Devlin because I think you’ll be comfortable with someone around my age. He’s just one year older than me.”

I calculated in my mind. So, Devlin is seven years older than me.

“Do I have to be with him?” tanong ko kay Rio. Iyon kasi ang pinaparating ng sinabi n’ya.

Rio crouched down. He had his hands leaning on his knees while slightly bending over. He was tall, even with his age, so he had to do that so our eyes would level.

He smiled at me.

“Yeliz… Devlin will be your bodyguard from now on.”

Chapter 1

“That’s a good pose, Yeliz! Alright, steady… Steady…”

The camera flashed.

“Good job! Two more shots…”

The camera flashed twice this time. I closed my eyes for a bit so my vision wouldn’t get distorted by the blinding lights from the camera. I saw the photographer smiling widely at me when I opened my eyes.

“Good work, Yeliz. We’re done with this set. You can change now for the last set and then we’re good to go.”

I smiled at him and went down the platform. Lumapit ako sa kanya. I wanted to look at the shots, but I really wanted to rest my eyes more, even for a bit. It has been more than two hours since we started this photo shoot for a purse from a local brand. It was a good thing that this was a studio photo shoot. I didn’t think I would last long if we were outside.

“This will be the last set, right?” I asked. “Since I will be wearing a school uniform, is changing my makeup into a natural-looking one, okay? I must look like a student.”

The photographer chuckled.

“You are a student, sweetheart… And you have an innocent face. We needed to put full makeup on you on the first two sets to make you look mature to match the theme. Well, I guess it’s right to change your makeup this time.” He glanced at the owner of the brand. “What do you think?”

She was looking at the screen monitor, probably already checking the shots we took. Saglit lang s’yang nag-angat ng tingin at ngumiti.

“If that’s what you think is the best. I trust you, Miss Aslanova. You’re the expert here.”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Mabilis akong umiling. I even waved my hands frantically to dismiss what she said.

“Oh, my gosh. No, I’m not. I’m just a model. I just have to do what’s best and look good in the camera.”

“What do you mean you’re just a model? You’re the main star today!” The photographer looked offended for my sake. Mukhang hindi talaga sumasang-ayon sa sinabi ko kung maka-deny.

I couldn’t help but chuckle.

“The main star here is the purse.”

“Do you know that you’re my favorite model?” Parang hindi man lang narinig ng photographer ang sinabi ko. “You’re one of the youngest models, but you act like a professional.”

“Well…” I tucked my hair behind my ears. “I’ve been in this industry for four years already. Of course, I learned all the dos and don’ts by heart.”

I started as a teen model. I was at a business party with Dad at the time when a talent scout approached me, handed me his business card, and invited me to be their model. I declined, but he insisted that I take his business card in case I changed my mind later. So, I decided to accept his business card out of politeness.

I wasn’t planning to become a model. I knew that Dad wouldn’t let me anyway because of his overprotectiveness. It was already a miracle that he took me with him to that business party. Though his men were all around the area, watching the venue, keeping an eye on me in case there was any danger.

But that talent scout was so persistent. He found the school where I was going and even waited for my class to end every freaking day just to talk to me. He actually creeped me out at first. Ang kulit-kulit n’ya kasi. I almost asked my bodyguards to do something about him. But there was something that he said that piqued my curiosity.

“Just watch one of our shoots! You’ll be able to see how models work.” That was his eighth day waiting outside my school. “Just watch. You have nothing to lose. Who knows, you might actually gain something when you watch.”

And so, I did. It was a studio photoshoot, and there were five models at that time. The first thing that came to my mind when I saw the models was that… they were thin. I even wondered if they were even eating. It was also chaotic at the studio at that time. There were stylists, hair stylists, and makeup artists there, fixing the look of the models from time to time. Nakailang palit din ang mga model ng damit so the shoot took a long time.

I got more convinced not to do it. Why would I want something so chaotic as that? Why would I starve myself? I was sure that the models had an intense diet to maintain their bodies like that, so why would I let myself not eat food that I wanted?

But… the longer I watched them, the more I saw how they enjoyed their jobs. I knew they did a lot of preparation for this shoot, and that might be the hardest of all, but it seemed like it was all worth it. They looked… free. I could see in their faces how much they loved being models. And when I saw the photos, even if they weren’t edited yet, I could already see that they would turn out well.

It was the photos that had an impact on me. The models looked perfect, like something that was so out of reach. One would even think that they had a perfect life. A life with no problems. Who would ever think that they would have any worries with a perfect face and body like that? It seemed like they lived a life with no imperfections.

And I wanted something like that.

In those photos, I saw the difference in my life. I saw how close and small my world was. Hindi ko nakita iyon noon. I was fine with my dad being so overprotective of me. I was fine with all the bodyguards following me around wherever I went, even to school. I was fine with their eyes always watching me, waiting for any danger.

I was fine with those things. After all, Dad was trying to make it up to me by giving me all the riches and materialistic things that I wanted.

But… when I saw those models and their photos, I had the realization that I wasn’t really free. That I couldn’t do anything I wanted. I was like a bird in a gilded cage.

Right then, I wanted to be something. I wanted to be a model. I wanted to look perfect, with no imperfections. I wanted to look free, even if it was just in the photos. Even if the freedom I had was just an illusion.

I talked to my father about it. I told him that I wanted to be a model. Of course, hindi pumayag si Daddy noong una. But Rio helped me. Hindi ko alam but Dad always considered it when Rio was involved. He always trusts Rio’s decision.

Pumayag si Daddy na maging model ako. On condition that I would have my bodyguard with me all the time. The bodyguard that Rio gave me.

It was Devlin.

Pasimple ko s’yang hinanap ng tingin sa loob ng studio. Nahirapan pa ako noong una dahil sa mga taong nandoon. But I always found him at a certain spot kaya iyon ang una kong tiningan.

There, just in the corner of the room where he could see me as well as the entirety of the room, I saw him standing there. He was wearing an all-black outfit, like the first day I saw him, looking like a grim reaper ready to rip my soul. With his arms crossed over his chest, leaning on the wall as if he was watching a quite entertaining show. He didn’t even pay attention to the assistant, who offered him food and drinks while blushing so hard, and just kept on watching me.

God, I hate him.

“That’s why I like you!” Napatingin ako sa photographer nang muli s’yang magsalita. “Others act rudely because they have been models for a long time, and some have only recently started and have already acted arrogantly.”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at napatingin sa may-ari ng brand. She just smiled at me, but I could see awkwardness in her eyes. This wasn’t a topic that should be talked about recklessly after all. I was nervous for the photographer. Baka kung ano’ng makalabas dahil sa sinabi n’ya!

“What? I’m telling the truth!” the photographer said when he probably noticed my reaction. “Us photographers have our favorite models too. And I’m telling you, Yeliz, there are a lot who love working with you. The camera loves you as well.”

“That’s where I agree,” the brand owner chimed in. “She looks good in those shots. I love her innocent face. She looks really kind.”

“Not just ‘looks,’ but she really is kind. I can vouch for that.”

I smiled shyly and awkwardly laughed. I was getting uncomfortable. I really didn’t know what to do when someone complimented me right in my face.

“I think I should go and change,” I said just to escape the conversation. “I might start to act arrogantly if I hear more compliments from you both.”

They both laughed but finally let me go. Dumeretso naman ako sa dressing room. I closed the door and walked towards the makeup mirror. I leaned my hands on the vanity table to support myself as I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Idinilat ko ang mga mata at tinitigan ang sarili sa salamin.

Fuck… this is tiring.

Contrary to what the photographer said, I’m not really kind. I was just “known” as kind because of my innocent and kind-looking face. With my light-brown, slightly wavy hair that reached my chest, fair complexion, and facial features that almost resembled those of the angels, I often hear people describe me as an angel that went down to earth to give salvation to the sinners.

But I think that wasn’t true. If I was really an angel like what they’ve been calling me, I wouldn’t have gone down to earth voluntarily. I was cast down from heaven because of my impure heart.

I have a heart-shaped face with high, prominent cheekbones. And I think that was why my eyes got emphasized more. Ang unang napapansin sa akin ng mga tao ay ang mga mata ko. My eyes, which were ocean blue in color, resembled what they call “doe eyes.” I have thick bushy eyebrows, a small but pointed nose, and perfect cupid bow-shaped pinkish lips.

My body was thin, the usual body type of a model, with a small waist, and long legs that made me tall. My breasts weren’t that big. They weren’t small, either. Tama lang ang laki para sa modelong gaya ko.

It wasn’t that hard for me to maintain my kind image. But it was so hard to pretend. I had to force myself to smile all the time, to everyone, even when I was feeling exhausted and I just wanted to rest. God, kailangan ko rin namang magpahinga sa pagpe-pretend na mabait.

Bumukas ang pinto at kahit hindi ko pa tingnan ang pumasok, kilala ko na agad kung sino ’yon. That is how he was anyway. Palaging nakasunod sa ’kin.

I had to close my eyes and take a deep breath. I counted from one to three to calm myself before I faced the intruder. I forced a smile on my lips.

“What?”

“I have to check the room.”

He said that, but he was staring at me. I hated it when he did that, which was all the time. I had to force myself to look back at those dark eyes.

“You already checked this room earlier.” S’ya pa nga ang unang pumasok dito kaysa sa ’kin.

He shrugged his shoulders.

“Who knows? Someone might’ve already planted something while you were having your shoot.” He said that without any emotion on his face.

And I hated that more. I hated it when he was talking to me like that. As if it was a waste of emotion talking to me. Because he was just doing his job. And that was to ensure my safety.

I took a deep breath. I could feel my patience was about to snap. Palaging ganoon kapag si Devlin ang kaharap. He had something in him that always made me feel irritated.

“It’s okay, Devlin… The people here are kind.” Tayong dalawa lang yata ang hindi.

“Don’t be sure of that, Yelizaveta.”

Oh, my God… must he always be like this? Ilang beses ko na sinabi sa kanyang tawagin na lang ako sa nickname ko, Yeliz or Liza. Yet he always called me by my whole name!

My father’s men called me as ‘young miss.’ Pero si Devlin lang talaga ang may lakas ng loob na tawagin ako sa pangalan ko!

Is it because he was hired by Rio? Where did he find Devlin anyway? Nakakairita ’tong lalaking ’to.

“Will you tell me the truth, Devlin? Did you have any resentment at me when I called you devil instead of your name the first time we met? Because I think that’s the only reason why you’re not still calling me by my nickname when I clearly told you to for like, let’s see…” Nagkunwari pa akong nag-iisip. “A hundred times already.”

I was still smiling, but it was so forced. I had to remind myself not to lash out at him. I didn’t maintain my kind image for a long time just for him to ruin it.

But with Devlin, it was really hard to be kind. Nararamdaman ko nang papaangat na ang isang kilay ko. My smile was threatening to fade too, and my voice even raised a little. It was a good thing that I had an angelic face. People often thought that I was still joking when I was being a bit sarcastic already.

He just stared at me. There still wasn’t any emotion on his face, not in those dark eyes. Pero kung makatitig s’ya sa ’kin, para bang may nakita s’ya kaya nagtagal ang titig n’ya. As if he knew that I was just on the verge of breaking my fake smile.

Oh… I think that was the first reason why I hated him. Because the way he looked at me felt as if he could see through my façade. As if he could read all my dark secrets.

The room felt small with him around. It was always like that when he was around. Even when I was busy because of the shoot earlier, I could still feel his gaze. But I pretended that I was okay. I was good at pretending anyway.

Pero kung kanina ay nakayanan ko pa dahil marami kaming kasama, kapag kaming dalawa ay hindi ko talaga matagalan. Maybe that was why it was easy for me to feel irritated at him when it was just the two of us.

I heard knocks on the door before it opened. Mukhang nagulat pa ang stylist at makeup artist nang makitang hindi lang ako nag-iisa sa loob.

“Oh…” Nakita ko ang pag-aalangan nilang pumasok. “You have to change, Miss Yeliz, for the next set.”

I smiled widely at her and looked at Devlin.

“I have to change, Devlin.” Umalis ka na.

Matagal bago s’ya sumagot. He was just staring at me. Nakita kong nagkatinginan pa ang stylist at ang makeup artist.

Then he nodded.

“Alright. The room’s safe.”

Yeah, you think?

I just smiled at him. Saka lang ako nakahinga nang maglakad na s’ya palabas. Nakita kong sinundan pa ng tingin nu’ng dalawa si Devlin bago isinara ang pinto.

“Here’s the uniform you’ll change into, Miss Yeliz,” the stylist said, handing me the uniform.

“I’ll fix your makeup too and put up your hair into a ponytail to make you look carefree.”

I smiled at the makeup artist and nodded.

“Okay… I’ll change my clothes first.”

Tumango ang makeup artist at hinanda na ang mga gagamitin para sa ’kin. The stylist helped me undress and changed my clothes which I thanked her for. In my four years in the modeling industry, I got used to changing and undressing in the open and with people around to minimize the time, so this was nothing. Kapag ganitong indoor shoot lang naman madalas nagkakaroon ako ng dressing room.

When I got to change into the school uniform, I sat on the makeup chair. I closed my eyes as the makeup artist began working on my face,

Ah, finally… A little time to rest…

Chapter 2

I’m so damn tired. I think I would pass out anytime now due to exhaustion. But the photoshoot isn’t done yet. I have to endure this longer. I should just smile a little longer. I shouldn’t give any hint that I’m feeling tired.

Smile. I need to smile. I should show them that I’m enjoying this job.

Smile…

“That’s a wrap!”

I heard sighs of relief when the photographer announced that. Pero nanatili pa rin ang ngiti sa mga labi ko. I even widened my smile when the photographer and the brand owner approached me.

“Good work, Yeliz. As expected of you,” the photographer said.

I let out a soft laugh.

“Good work as well. It’s always easy to work with you.”

“Thank you so much for doing this, Miss Aslanova.” Ang brand owner naman ang lumapit sa ’kin.

“It’s also a pleasure to work with you,” sabi kong hindi pa rin inaalis ang ngiti sa mga labi.

“Do you have somewhere to go after this? I want to treat the team to dinner as a thank you. You all worked hard for today.”

“Oh…” I said, tucking my hair behind my ears. “I have to go home to study. I have my final exam next month.”

Isa pa, I think my dad would start to worry if I didn’t get home early. Nasabi ko rin kasi sa kanyang maaga akong uuwi.

The brand owner gave me a smile, as if she was sympathizing with me.

“It must’ve been hard being a model and a student at the same time.” Mas totoo ang ngiti n’ya ngayon. “How about next time?”

“Sure. Next time. I’ll go get changed now since this dress is sponsored.”

Nagpunta na ako sa dressing room para magpalit ng damit. I felt like all my strength had been seeping out of my body. I wanted to go home and rest kaya nang matapos akong makapagpalit ay nagmamadali na rin akong magpaalam sa kanila. My handler and, at the same time, manager, Artyom, who insisted that I call him Arty instead, walked with me to the parking lot of the studio.

“Don’t forget that you have a beach photoshoot next week for Irina Morozova. You’ll stay for three days at the resort. You don’t have to worry about the accommodation or anything since they have all been taken care of. You just have to come in good condition, okay?”

I heaved a deep sigh. Katatapos pa lang ng photoshoot but he just has to remind me about the other one. Hindi pa nga ako nakakapagpahinga pero may iisipin na naman akong panibago.

“You have to watch your diet. And sleep early.” Pinatigil n’ya ako at hinarap sa kanya. He touched the part of my face just below your eyes. “Goodness gracious. Get plenty of sleep! You have small bags under your eyes!”

Iniiwas ko ang mukha ko sa kanya. I am offended. But it might’ve been true. Lately, I have been focusing on my studies as I was so worried about my final exam. Hindi naman ako ganoong katalino para hindi na kailangang mag-prepare kapag may exam. But I could get by if I worked hard. Kaya habang maaga pa ay nag-aaral na ako.

“I have my final exam next month,” I reasoned. “You know I need to study early to get a passing grade.”

“I know that, sweetheart.” Arty’s eyes turned kinder. “That’s why I didn’t accept any work for you after this one with Irina. You can even take a lot of rest after your final exam. You deserve it.”

I let him get away with that. Arty knew how hard I worked with modeling and studies. He knew when I should get rest and when I wanted to work. He knew when my smile was fake as well.

After all, he was the one who got me into the modeling industry.

At times, I didn’t know if I should regret accepting his invitation back then. Especially when I got this exhausted after a shoot and when my schedule overlapped with my studies. Nakakapagod kasi talaga.

But then, there was fulfillment. I think iyon talaga ang hindi ko mabitiwan kaya hanggang ngayon ay nandito pa rin ako. I liked feeling fulfilled. I liked the thought that I could actually get something done, no matter how hard it was at first. And of course, the feeling of being free, even if they were just in the photo.

“Alright then,” I said. “I want three months of rest after this.”

Arty looked like he was about to argue. I frowned at him. Binigyan n’ya ako ng nag-aalangang ngiti.

“Okay. Three months.”

Nagpatuloy na ako sa paglalakad. I knew he wanted to negotiate, but he stopped himself. Alam n’ya kasing pagod ako ngayon and that I wanted to rest so I could focus on my final exam, but I still have to do another photoshoot. A beach photoshoot, and I have to stay at the resort for three days on top of that.

He just couldn’t decline when Irina reached out to him. He knew this project would be good for my career, as Irina Morozova was one of the fastest-rising fashion designers. She started young, pero mabilis na nakikilala ang mga gawa n’ya. And Arty wanted to take advantage of that opportunity for my career.

I almost stopped walking when I saw Devlin already waiting for me. He was standing beside the car and was talking with the driver, who was also my bodyguard, but he was in charge of driving the car. Pero ang mga mata ni Devlin ay nasa akin lang. I even think na kanina n’ya pa ako pinapanood.

“My goodness, Yeliz…” Arty walked beside me. “Are you really sure that your bodyguard isn’t interested in modeling? Maybe he wants to change his career.”

I scoffed. I wanted to tell him that it was impossible since Devlin rarely showed his emotions on his face. Baka mainis lang ang photographer sa kanya kapag hindi nakuha ang expression na gusto.

And… I didn’t like the thought that there were a lot of people ogling his body.

But still, I smiled at Arty.

“Why don’t you try asking him again?” I said, confident of what Devlin would say to him this time.

Of course, Arty didn’t let the chance pass. Especially since I permitted him to talk with Devlin. Pinagbawalan ko kasi lalo na nang malaman kong he was trying to scout Devlin for his talent as well. I was worried that he might piss Devlin off since Arty could be a little persuasive.

Devlin was still looking at me. ’Saka n’ya lang inalis ang tingin sa ’kin nang tuluyan akong makalapit at tumabi sa ’kin si Arty.

“Hi, Devlin!” Arty greeted him with a wide smile.

But Devlin just looked at him. I was so sure that he was trying to remember what his name was. Alam kong kilala n’ya si Arty dahil palagi ko namang kasama ang handler. I doubt he remembered his name though.

“Arty, remember?” Arty even pointed at himself. “I’m Yeliz’s manager.”

“Ah.” That was the only reaction we got from Devlin.

“I was just wondering if you somehow changed your mind.”

“About what?”

“About changing your career!” He smiled. “What do you think about being a model?”

“I gave you an answer about that already.”

Napatitig ako kay Devlin. He looked like he wasn’t enjoying the conversation and just wanted to get away. I stopped myself from giggling. I didn’t know why I was enjoying this instead.

“I know but…” Napatingin sa ’kin si Arty. I just raised an eyebrow at him. “I just thought that you changed your mind—”

“I won’t change my mind.”

“You’ll have a lot of opportunities as a model instead of just being Yeliz’s bodyguard. It’s important to widen your—”

“There is nothing more important than Yeliz and her safety.”

Pareho kaming natigilan ni Arty. I didn’t know if it was because of what Devlin said or the way he said it that Arty looked like he was taken aback. But I was surprised by the seriousness in Devlin’s eyes. I was always watching him, trying to see any changes in his expression. But all I could see was the change in the look of his eyes. I think I already memorized every look in his dark eyes that he made.

And right now, I could see that he really meant what he said.

I heard Arty clear his throat. I looked at him, and I saw that he was staring at Devlin before he shifted his gaze at me. Then he smiled as if he had figured something out.

I frowned at him. I didn’t like the way he smiled at me. I didn’t like the way my heart skipped a beat when Devlin said that.

“I guess I just have to give up,” Arty said, and looked at me. “I’ll let you go now, sweetheart. Remember to watch your diet, okay? And get enough rest for your photoshoot next week.”

He kissed my cheeks, and I said goodbye to him. Devlin opened the door of the backseat for me. I slid inside the car without looking at him. I was afraid of what I would feel if I met his intense gaze.

Instead, I just relaxed in my seat and closed my eyes. Narinig ko ang pagbukas-sara ng pinto, and then the car got invaded with Devlin’s scent.

Ah… damn it.

“You shouldn’t let him touch you.”

Napadilat ako. I frowned at Devlin, who was just looking straight at the road. I could only see the back of his head, but I was so sure that he was the one who spoke. Hindi ko ipagkakamali kahit kanino ang boses n’ya.

“What?”

“Arty,” he said. “You shouldn’t let him touch you.”

I scoffed in bewilderment.

“He’s gay.”

“And?”

What the fuck?

“I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.”

Ilang sandali s’yang natahimik. Ang akala ko pa nga ay hindi na s’ya magsasalita. But then I heard him take a deep breath.

“You won’t know when he’ll try to hurt you.”

Hindi makapaniwalang napatingin ako sa kanya. Damn it. I wished he was facing me so he would see in my expression how ridiculous his words were!

“Arty is my manager and my handler. The last thing he’d want is for me to get hurt, as it wouldn’t be good for my career.”

“You don’t know that.”

“And you know? What a smartass you are.”

“You shouldn’t trust anyone.”

“Even you?”

“Especially me.”

I glared at him. I wanted to smack the back of his head. Inis na inis ako pero mas lalo lang ako naiinis as he was acting so calm. He knew I was so irritated right now but he didn’t care about it. Talagang sasabihin n’ya kahit na ikagalit ko pa.

I groaned inwardly. It was really no use talking to him. Mas lumalala lang kasi ang inis ko sa kanya.

Fuck. Why did he even become my bodyguard? Sa tingin ko, mas trabaho n’yang inisin ako kaysa protektahan.

I tried to calm myself, even if I wanted to lash out at him. Sumandal na lang ako at pumikit.

“I’m tired. I want to rest,” I said.

“Drive carefully,” rinig kong paalala ni Devlin sa driver.

Drive carefully my ass…

I took a deep breath and immediately regretted it. I hated that scent. I hated Devlin’s scent. He had this musky fragrance with him that was warm and subtle to the nose. Lalaking-lalaki ang amoy pero hindi masakit sa ilong. Parang nangingiliti pa nga. It was as if his scent was trying to comfort me. It was a mix of sweet and woodsy scents that reminded me of the warm rays of the sun around summer, and an earthy scent after the slight drizzle of rain on the leaves.

I hated it, but… it was a nice scent.

Hindi rin naman ako nakatulog habang nasa byahe. Not when every time I inhaled, I could smell Devlin. Especially not when his presence was so intimidating that the car felt so small.

Saka lang ako nakahinga nang maluwag nang makarating na kami sa bahay. I went inside the house. Si Devlin ay tahimik lang na nakasunod sa ’kin. I smiled when I saw Dad in the living room.

“Hey, Dad.” I kissed him on the cheek. “I’m home.”

“My daughter… how’s your day?”

“Good, but tiring.”

Dad stared at me as if he was thinking of something. But then, he smiled.

“Rio’s waiting for you.”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko.

“He’s here?”

“Yes. He’s in the garden. But if you’re tired—”

“I’ll meet him!”

Mabilis akong humiwalay kay Daddy para pumuntang garden. I even heard my dad’s laugh as I walked quickly to meet Rio. I was so sure he was waiting for me at the gazebo. Iyon naman ang palaging meeting place namin.

Ah… It’s been so long since I last saw him. Bukod sa naging busy ako sa studies at career ko, Rio became busy too. I mean, I understand that he’s from Italy and it must’ve been hard going back and forth just to have a meeting with my dad and visit me. Still, I missed him so much. I’ve been trying to polish my knowledge of the Filipino language and I think I could even use the language fluently to impress him. That was why I was always excited about his visits so I could show him my skills.

“Rio!”

I ran as soon as I saw him at the gazebo. He was smoking and I hated the smell of cigarettes but I was fine if it was Rio. Pinatay n’ya rin naman agad ang sigarilyo nang makitang tumatakbo akong palapit sa kanya. He even spread his arms to welcome me and I happily jumped in his arms.

“I missed you!”

He chuckled. I felt him hug me tighter and I snuggled more in his arms. I missed his warmth. I even missed the feeling as he stroked my hair with his fingers.

“Angioletto mio…”

Gosh! I even missed hearing his endearment for me!

Bahagya akong humiwalay sa kanya at tiningala s’ya. I was already tall for my height, but I had to look up at Rio to properly see him. But seeing him like this, I realized that Devlin was an inch taller than him.

I almost rolled my eyes. Why the hell am I still thinking about him when Rio was in front of me?

Napatingin tuloy ako sa likuran ko. My eyes widened in surprise when I saw that Devlin was there, outside the gazebo, watching me. Tulyan na akong humiwalay kay Rio.

“You can go now, Devlin,” I said. “Rio’s here.”

His forehead slightly creased as if he was trying to figure out what I just said.

“I’m your bodyguard,” he even said.

“Yeah but… Rio’s here,” ulit ko pa. I even emphasized every word.

“And?”

What the fuck is wrong with this man today?

“You don’t have to guard me now since Rio is here. I’m safe with him.”

Devlin stared at me. Nagtagal ang tingin n’ya sa ’kin. It was so intense that I almost trembled right on the spot. It was a good thing that he glanced at Rio kaya bahagya akong nakahinga.

“You don’t know that,” he said. Halos mapanganga ako roon.

“What the hell is wrong—”

“It’s alright, angioletto mio …” Rio held me gently on the elbow to stop me from lashing out at Devlin. He even smiled at me. “I understand. He’s your bodyguard.”

What the hell? It was Rio who hired Devlin to look after me!

“But—”

“It’s alright…” Rio said, looking at Devlin. “Take a few steps away from us. I have something to talk about with Yelizaveta.”

Devlin stared at Rio. Nakita ko pa ang bahagya n’yang pagsulyap sa kamay ni Rio na nakahawak sa siko ko before looking back at him. Rio just chuckled and held my elbow more without looking away from Devlin.

I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even say anything. There was this… terrifying air around us, preventing me from moving. It was as if something was telling me that it wouldn’t be good if I got in the way.

“So?” Rio tilted his head to the side, smiling at Devlin. Pero may kakaiba sa ngiti n’ya. It wasn’t the kind smile he often gave me.

I looked at Devlin. His dark eyes turned a shade darker, which was ridiculous as his eyes were the blackest that I’d ever seen. Pero mas dumilim pa ang tingin n’ya ngayon.

And then it was gone. For a moment, I thought I saw it wrong. Kaya nang tumingin sa ’kin si Devlin ay hindi ko napaghandaan.

“I’ll be around, Yelizaveta,” he said.

“Huh? Oh, okay…”

Devlin glanced at Rio once more before turning his back and starting to walk. Hindi naman s’ya masyadong lumayo. I could still see him. Para bang ayaw n’yang maalis ako sa paningin n’ya.

“Hmm… Interesting.”

I looked at Rio when he mumbled something but I couldn’t properly hear him. I gave him a confused look but he just smiled at me.

“Let’s take a seat, shall we?”

I smiled and nodded.

“Okay.”

Inalalayan ako ni Rio sa pag-upo. I tried to focus my mind on him when he sat in front of me. Hindi ko na sinubukang lumingon sa iba pa. Not even when I could feel that harsh gaze coming from Devlin.

Chapter 3

A maid prepared tea for us. I just watched Rio as he calmly sipped his tea, looking graceful with his every move. Well, I guess he also learned etiquette since I heard that the Rossetti family is of royal blood in Italy. Kaya rin siguro ganito ang kilos ni Rio. The manliness was still there, but he looked more like a gentleman with his graceful moves.

Maybe that was why I got comfortable with him the first time I saw him. Because he acts and talks like a true gentleman. Unlike a certain bodyguard of mine.

I groaned inwardly. What the hell am I doing? Rio, whom I hadn’t seen for almost a year, was finally here in front of me, and yet, kung sino-sino ang iniisip ko!

It was Devlin’s fault! I could still feel his heavy stare, but I refused to look at him. Base sa bigat ng mga titig n’ya, para bang may malaki akong kasalanang ginawa sa kanya!

“How are you, angioletto mio ?”

I smiled at Rio. That’s right. I should focus on him. Baka matagal na naman kasi bago maulit ang pagbisita n’ya.

“I’m good! I just got off from my photoshoot.”

“You didn’t have school today?”

“I did! But it was in the morning, then I went straight to the studio where we held the shoot.”

Rio’s eyes turned gentle. Papalubog na ang araw kaya may liwanag pa at kitang-kita ko ang mga mata n’ya. I really like the gold flecks in his hazel eyes. It looked as if I was looking at nature.

“You must’ve been exhausted,” he said. “If only I’d known, I wouldn’t have taken your time—”

“It’s alright!” Putol ko na sa sasabihin n’ya bago pa s’ya magsising binisita n’ya ako ngayon. I wouldn’t allow that. I was so happy to see him today. “I wanted to see you. I missed you so much, Rio.”

He gave me a gentle smile.

“I missed you too, angioletto mio .”

I smiled at that. Goodness. Kinikilig yata ako. Everytime naman na kausap ko si Rio, ganito ang nararamdaman ko.

The boyish look I saw in him when we first met is now gone. In front of me was a man, who looked so freaking good that I could feel myself blushing whenever I looked at him.

Shit… Sobrang gwapo kasi ni Rio!

“By the way, I’m good at speaking Tagalog now. I think I can have a full conversation using the language without any problems,” I said, feeling proud of myself.

“Is that so? Then… should we start speaking in Tagalog now?”

I wet my lips. I started to doubt myself. I haven’t had any conversations with someone using the language. Nasabi ko lang ’yon as I could read and understand the Filipino books that he gave me. I just wasn’t sure if I could really talk using the language right now.

But… this is Rio. Hindi naman n’ya siguro ako pahihirapan.

So, I smiled and nodded.

“Okay!”

“Then… tapos mo na bang basahin ’yung mga librong binigay ko sa ’yo?”

Shit. That was a long question. My mind was trying to translate every word he said. Ang bilis pa ng pagkakasabi n’ya. It was obvious that he was used to speaking Tagalog.

Maybe he was talking a lot with his stepmother? Or stepsister? Para kasing sanay na sanay s’yang magsalita ng Tagalog.

“Uhm…” This is hard. “Yes—Oh, no, I mean… Oo. Tapos ko na silang basahin.”

Rio smiled at me. Napangiti na rin ako. Ibig sabihin, tama ang sinabi ko.

“Mukhang pinag-aralan mo talagang mabuti, ah? Gusto mo pa bang bigyan kita ng ibang libro?”

“Yes! Ah!” Napatakip ako sa bibig ko. Then I gave Rio a shy smile. “Sige. Mas marami kang alam na magagandang Filipino novel. Nagustuhan ko actually all of the books that you gave me.”

Natawa si Rio. I blushed when I realized I ended up speaking in English after all.

“I’m sorry, this is so hard. I swear I’m trying, but nagsi-switch lang kasi bigla sa mind ko ’yung language.”

“Don’t worry, you’re actually doing well.” He smiled at me. “Marami akong dinalang books ngayon. Baka kasi matagalan pa bago ako makabisita ulit.

Nawala ang ngiti ko.

“What do you mean? Mas matatagalan pa than last time? Iyan ba ang gusto mong pag-usapan natin?”

No… I was just happy to see him again. Tapos sasabihin n’yang ganito? It took him almost a year before visiting me again. If he was saying that it would be longer than that… then kailan pa ulit s’ya makakabisita?

I even considered visiting him in Italy instead, but Dad didn’t let me. Hayaan na lang dawn a si Rio ang bumisita sa ’min, after all, Rio had some errands to run here in Russia. I still didn’t know what was that pero sa tingin ko ay iyon ang dahilan kung bakit parati silang nag-uusap ni Dad.

“Tapos na ’yung ginagawa mo here sa Russia?” I asked.

“Hmm… I’ll just say that I don’t have to worry about it for now. May kailangan lang akong asikasuhing iba.”

“Is it about your brother? Nahanap mo na ba s’ya?”

I think that was one of the reasons why Rio had been going around. He was still trying to find his brother. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin nahahanap ang kapatid n’ya.

My heart breaks for him. When we first met, alam kong hinahanap na n’ya ang kapatid n’ya noon. I could see that he really wanted to find him.

I just… hope that wherever Rio’s brother is, he’s fine.

Rio looked at me. He didn’t say anything for a while and just stared at me. For a moment, I couldn’t see the gentle Rio I knew of. It was as if I was looking at a stranger.

It was that time again. When Rio was acting so differently.

And then he smiled. But his smile still looked different.

“Hindi pa,” he said, and he smiled genuinely this time. “Anyway, I’m going to get busy too. Ngayon pa lang, sasabihin ko nang baka hindi ko rin madalas na masagot ang mga tawag mo. But I will still try to make it up to you when I get the time.”

Mas lalo akong nalungkot dahil doon. I often called him just to hear his voice, in the pretense of asking about Tagalog words that I couldn’t understand. Kahit na naiintindihan ko naman. Gusto ko lang kasi s’yang makausap.

“I’m going to miss you.”

“I will too, angioletto mio … But I’ll leave Devlin with you so I won’t have to worry about your safety.”

A frown automatically appeared on my face. Para bang kapag naririnig ko ang pangalan ni Devlin, napapasimangot talaga ako. I really hated the man.

“Rio… hindi ba pwedeng… ibang bodyguard na lang ang magbantay sa ’kin?”

Rio tilted his head to the side. He looked as if he couldn’t understand what I just said.

“Why? Is there anything wrong with Devlin?” Nilingon n’ya ang direksyon ni Devlin na alam kong hindi na talaga kami nilubayan ng tingin. It was as if he really saw Rio as a threat for me. “Based on what I’ve seen earlier, it looks like he’s doing a good job.”

Yeah, right… He’s doing a good job of getting on my nerves.

“I just… don’t like him. I couldn’t stand him.”

I wanted to elaborate on it for him. To make Rio understand more why I didn’t like Devlin. But I didn’t know what to say. Kasi kahit sa sarili ko, hindi ko rin maintindihan kung bakit ako naiinis sa kanya.

Maybe… maybe it was because he rarely showed his emotions. As if everything is fine with him. Kahit nga alam n’yang naiinis na ako sa kanya, he still wore the same expression.

Indifference…

Yeah… that’s it. I hated that it looked like he didn’t really care for me. He was just doing his job, making sure of my safety. I was just a job to him. A kid that he needed to protect. Iyon lang. Hindi na lalagpas doon.

But it wasn’t like I wanted na lumagpas pa roon ang tingin n’ya. I just… Naiinis lang talaga ako. Devlin sure knew how to make me feel inferior. Because his job was all that was important to him.

What did he say to Arty? There is nothing more important than me and my safety? Yeah, of course. Because, duh, that is literally his job.

“Apologies, angioletto mio …” Rio said softly. “There is no one I can trust of you besides Devlin. He is good at doing his job. Makakampante ako sa kaligtasan mo kapag s’ya ang magbabantay sa ’yo. You know why we have to make sure of your safety, right?”

I knew that. He already explained it to me the day that he gave Devlin to me as my bodyguard. He explained the reason why my mom died and why my dad became overly protective of me.

Because the Aslanov family is a mafia family.

“There are a lot of people who want to obtain Aslanov’s power to overthrow the head of Bratva. Remember what I told you? That your family is the third most powerful Bratva family. So, if they get Aslanov’s support, they think they have the chance.”

I nodded. Nasabi na rin sa akin ni Rio ito noon. He also mentioned the family that ruled over the Bratva.

Who is it again?

Ah… The Romanov.

“Who’s the second most powerful?” I asked.

“The Kozlov family. But they are loyal to the Romanovs.” Rio chuckled. “Those who think that they have a chance challenging the Pakhan are so fucking dumb. Well, if they are asking for their death sentence, I think they got more chances on that.”

I didn’t say anything. It was one of those times that I saw that Rio was really different from me. That maybe, I didn’t really know him. And even if he was right in front of me, there was a part of him that I wouldn’t be able to see.

Dad didn’t tell me anything about the mafia. Kapag nagtatanong ako sa kanya, sasagutin n’ya pero hindi n’ya ipaliliwanag kahit na alam n’yang hindi ko maintindihan. So, I was kept in the dark until now.

But I think I could also understand him. My father just didn’t want me to get more involved in that world. Especially with what happened to Mom. Para bang natakot na s’ya and he got paranoid about my safety.

“Don’t worry, angioletto mio ,” Rio said after a while. “We will make sure that you’re protected. Just keep Devlin by your side.”

I took a deep breath. Wala rin naman akong magagawa kaya tumango na lang ako.

“Okay…”

“Sa tingin mo, kaya mo pang mapagtiisan s’ya?”

Natawa ako sa tanong n’ya. But still, thanks to that dahil medyo gumaan ang loob ko. At least he could understand me.

“I’ll try to. Basta ’wag n’ya lang talaga akong iinisin.”

Rio smiled at me.

“Don’t worry. Pagsasabihan ko s’ya.”

We talked for a little while after that. Just to practice my Tagalog kaya iyon ang language na ginamit namin hanggang sa magpaalam na si Rio. He told me that he’d let me rest since he knew I was exhausted from everything that happened today.

He talked with Devlin. Siguro ay nagbilin lang dahil matagal nga s’yang hindi makakabisita. He said goodbye to my dad as well.

“Take care, okay?” Rio said.

Malungkot akong tumango. He chuckled and pulled me into a tight hug. Naramdaman ko pa ang maingat n’yang paghalik sa buhok ko.

“We’ll see each other again. I promise.”

“Okay…”

I watched him drive away until I couldn’t see the taillights anymore. Mabigat ang loob kong pumasok ng bahay. Bumalik ang sobrang pagod na nararamdaman ko. I spotted the sofa in the living room and even thought of just passing out there. But I needed to get to my room.

Napatigil ako sa paglalakad. I looked around and saw Devlin following behind me. I was literally inside the house, and yet he was acting as if anybody would attack me. He just wouldn’t leave me alone.

“Why did you do that?” I asked.

He stopped a few steps away from me. But he still never failed to make me feel as if we were in a cramped space when Aslanov’s house was so big!

“Did what?”

Damn… why did he need to have such a deep voice?

“With Rio,” I tried to say calmly. “You were so rude to him.”

He stared at me. I really couldn’t stand him. Especially his heavy stares. Kinakabahan kasi ako kapag tumititig s’ya.

“I don’t think I was rude.”

“You were! You acted as if Rio would harm me!”

“I told you that you shouldn’t trust anyone.”

“But that’s Rio! He’s the one who gets you in this job to protect me!”

“And?”

“So, of course, he wouldn’t harm me!”

“You don’t know that.”

Fuck! Shit, shit! Nakakainis talaga ang lalaking ’to! Bakit ba kasi s’ya pa ang naging bodyguard ko?

I took a deep breath. I needed to stay calm. I’ve been trying to keep my kind image, and I wouldn’t let Devlin ruin it for me.

I smiled at him.

“I’ve known Rio almost my entire life. He’s even taking care of me. I am so sure that he wouldn’t do me any harm. I trust him.”

He didn’t say anything. Tahimik lang s’yang nakatingin sa ’kin. But there was something different about the way he looked at me. It was as if he was mad at me. His dark eyes seemed like they were glaring at me.

And it was making me so scared. Mas lalo akong kinakabahan sa mga tingin n’ya. Para kasing kaya noong basahin ang buong pagkatao ko. That I wouldn’t be able to hide anything from me and if he wanted to, he could actually make me spill everything on him.

But he was the opposite. Those eyes, which were darker than black, looked so mysterious. Na kahit anong tingin at paghahanap ang gawin ko, I wouldn’t be able to see anything about him. I wouldn’t be able to read him.

And it was frightening. Because one look from him, and he could make my knees tremble and my heart beat faster.

Yet I didn’t want to look away. Because no matter how terrifying it looked, those eyes seemed interesting to look at. It was as if there was a force that made me keep looking at him.

“Next time… don’t be rude to Rio,” I said. Muntik pa nga akong mabulol.

I noticed his jaw clenched. Then there was a light twitch on the corner of his lips. For a moment, I thought that he was going to smirk at me and I even braced myself. Pakiramdam ko ay mas lalo lang kasi akong kakabahan kapag ngumisi s’ya.

But then, the stoic look remained on his face.

“I had no idea that doing my job could be deemed impolite.”

I blinked.

“What?”

“I did not do anything wrong. Rio told me to keep you out of harm’s way, regardless of who is involved. No fucking exemptions.”

I flinched. Devlin rarely curses. Kaya kapag nagmumura s’ya ay napapapitlag ako.

“Rio told you that?” I bit my lower lip. “Is that why he said earlier that he understands why you acted that way?”

For a while, nakatitig lang sa ’kin si Devlin. Particularly at my mouth. Nang bumalik ang tingin sa mga mata ko ay mukha na namang galit.

“You said you were tired and wanted to rest. You did, however, still meet him.”

Huh…?

“What?”

I waited for him to explain what he meant. I just couldn’t understand. Ano naman ngayon kung kinausap ko pa rin si Rio kahit na pagod ako? Of course, I’d meet him! Ngayon na lang ulit nakabisita si Rio at matatagalan pa nga bago umulit!

But Devlin just stared at me. Mukhang wala nang balak magsalita. I just gave him a confused look. I figure I will never have a proper conversation with him.

Ibang-ibang s’ya kay Rio. With Rio, I never had to pretend. I could be comfortable around him.

Pero kay Devlin… parang sinasadya n’ya talagang ubusin ang pasensya ko.

“By the way, I have a beach photoshoot next week. I’ll stay at the resort for three days.”

“Your dad allowed you?”

I pursed my lips.

“Yes. As long as you’re with me.” Napairap na ako. “So, obviously, you’re coming with me.”

“Alright.”

Wow. Ang bilis ng sagot n’ya.

“That’s a beach, okay? So, can you at least,” I motioned to his outfit with my hands. “Lay off with that?”

He looked at his outfit, which was all black. Pants, inner, and blazer. Pagkatapos ay nagtatakang tumingin sa ’kin.

“With what?”

I bit my lower lip again so I wouldn’t smile. Nakakatawa lang na parang takang-taka talaga s’ya.

“With that. Black and fully clothed. We’re going to the beach.” I stated the obvious.

Baka mapahiya pa kasi ako kapag ganoon ang suot n’ya when we were at the beach. Baka sabihin na hindi pa nakakarating sa beach ang bodyguard ko.

Devlin didn’t say anything for a while and stared at me. Parang pinag-iisipan kung maiinsulto o ano ba. But he nodded in the end.

“Alright.”

I nodded and smiled at him, satisfied with his answer.

“Then…” I looked away at him. Hindi ko na matagalan ang titig at presensya n’ya. “I’ll go up to my room and take a rest.”

In the corner of my eyes, I saw him nod. Mabilis akong tumalikod pero narinig ko pa ang huling sinabi n’ya.

“Good night, Yelizaveta.”

I almost stopped walking. He said it like a whisper that tickled my ears. I had to gather all my courage to continue walking away from him.

Chapter 4

The week passed like a blur. It was already Thursday, and my beach photoshoot was scheduled for tomorrow. I won’t be able to attend my classes on Friday, and I can’t help but worry. I didn’t want to miss any lessons. Malapit na pa naman ang final exam namin.

I sighed. I wanted to blame Arty for not thinking about this before accepting Irina’s photoshoot, but I guess he was just thinking of what was best for my career. But I’m still a student, though. Alam n’ya namang hindi ako ganoong katalino so I needed to study hard for the exam.

But then I chose this. I chose to be a model and a student. I already knew there were times when my schedule would overlap with my classes. Kailangan ko na lang panindigan ang choice the ’to.

Hmm… Did I use it right? Panindigan. If I remember correctly, it means to stand up for something or to hold and defend a belief.

At times like this, I would call Rio to confirm. Even if I could just search for the meaning of the word on the internet, tatawagan ko pa talaga si Rio so that I would have an excuse to talk to him.

But I couldn’t just call him anytime now. He told me he was going to get busy. Ayoko namang makaistorbo sa mga need n’yang gawin.

I looked at the front. The professor was explaining the lesson. Miss Popova is the prettiest professor we have this semester. Or maybe she is the prettiest and sexiest professor in the entire university. She’s in her late thirties but still single. She had nice boobs. Malaki. That was why my stupid guy blockmates have this subject as their favorites. Sa tingin ko pa nga, mas nagfo-focus sila sa boobs ni Miss Popova kaysa sa lesson namin.

I know that, of course. I could hear them lusting over her.

I went back to doodling at the back of my binder. I could focus more on the lesson if my hands were doing something. Punong-puno na nga ng doodles ang isa sa mga notebook and I was actually considering buying a separate one so my notes wouldn’t get mixed up with my doodles.

“That covers our lesson for today.” Miss Popova faced the class. “Do you have any questions?”

I almost rolled my eyes when almost all of my guy blockmates raised their hands. Mas tumatagal ang class naming ’to dahil sa kanila. It was our last class for the day on top of that. Kung minsan ay nag-o-overtime pa dahil sa katatanong nila.

Their questions are freaking dumb anyway. The professor already discussed the answers pero dahil gusto nilang tumagal ang class at mas makausap si Miss Popova, they chose to look stupid with a little understanding instead.

“I hate them when they do that.”

I looked at Ania, my seatmate, and I couldn’t help but agree with what she said.

“You and me both,” I said with a sigh.

“They all look like it’s their first time seeing a mature woman whenever Miss Popova is around.” She looked at me. “Although they also have a crush on you, they’re different around you than Miss Popova. They are more carefree in expressing their feelings with you.”

Hindi na lang ako nagsalita. I don’t think their feelings for me were anything serious. It was more like having a celebrity crush. Alam kong ganoon lang ang nararamdaman nila sa ’kin. I am a model afterall.

“But I can understand our boys somehow, though.” Nagpangalumbaba si Ania at tumingin sa labas ng room. “I want to see my crush every minute and every second of the day.”

She was saying it dramatically. Hindi na ako lumingon sa tinitingnan n’ya. Kilala ko na naman kung sino iyon. Devlin was outside of the room, still guarding me.

I actually think that he was doing his job excessively. He didn’t need to guard me when I was just here in the room and having my class. Para namang may aatake pa sa ’kin dito.

I think my dad pulled some strings so Devlin could get inside the university and guard me when he was an outsider. After all, Dad has many connections. He is a powerful man. Something like getting permission for Devlin so he could guard me inside the university is easy work for him.

But Devlin wasn’t good for my concentration. How could I focus on the lesson if I could feel his gaze prickling my skin? If I could really feel his heavy stares reminding me that he was just outside the room?

Sa tingin ko naman ay hindi lang ako ang ganoon. Madalas ko rin kasing nahuhuli ang mga babae kong block na kay Devlin nakatingin instead of focusing on the lesson. Kahit ang mga lalaki kong kaklase ay ganoon din. I think they were either admiring or feeling insecure of Devlin.

“If you don’t have any questions, then that’s all for today. See you in our next class!”

Nagtayuan na ang iba kong kaklase matapos sabihin iyon ni Miss Popova. Iyong mga excited nang makauwi ay nauna nang lumabas. While I took the time to fix my things.

“Can I take a selfie with you, Yeliz?” Ania asked as we both stood up, ready to leave. “I’m sure you’ll get even more popular after your photoshoot with Irina. I might not get another chance.”

I chuckled.

“You’re being silly.”

Pero pinagbigyan ko rin naman s’ya. May iba pa sa mga blockmate namin ang nagpa-picture rin. Hinayaan ko na lang. Although, I couldn’t help but think they just wanted to get more likes if they posted their photos with me, as I have a lot of followers and admirers. Still, nakangiti ko silang pinagbigyan.

Ah… I’m being bad again.

“Thank you, Yeliz! You’re really an angel.”

I just smiled at them. I wonder if they still think of me like that if they knew what I was just thinking earlier.

“Yeliz? Can I have a word with you?”

I looked at Miss Popova, wondering what she would say to me, but I nodded. Tinanguan ko na lang si Ania at sinabing mauna na lang s’ya sa paglabas.

“Is there any problem, Miss?” I asked and approached the professor’s desk. Kami na lang ang natira sa room.

She smiled at me.

“Nothing, really. I just heard that you’re going to have a photo shoot tomorrow. You’re going to miss your class, then?”

I reluctantly nodded.

“Unfortunately… But my manager promised me that this will be my last photo shoot for now, so I can focus on my final exam after this.”

“Still, you’re going to miss the lessons. If I remember correctly, you have three subjects tomorrow.”

Hindi na ako nakapagsalita roon. I felt bad because it felt like she was lecturing me right now. Na para bang irresponsible akong estudyante dahil mas pinili ko ang pagmomodelo kaysa sa pagdalo ng klase.

But still, it felt good somehow. I knew that she was just worried about her students. And I actually liked that she was treating me as a normal student and not a famous model.

“It can’t be helped then.” Miss Popova gave me an understanding smile. “I’ll just ask your professor for the coverage of the lessons for tomorrow and send it to you by email. You have to self-study it instead. Will that be okay for you?”

“You’ll really do that, Miss?” Hindi makapaniwala akong napatingin sa kanya.

She smiled at me.

“Yes. But… you have to promise that your modeling won’t hinder your studies again next time, okay?”

Malawak akong napangiti sa kanya.

“Yes! I promise! Thank you so much, Miss Popova!”

Wow… I can’t believe that someone this beautiful can be kind as well. Ibang-iba sa akin. I know I’m beautiful, but I’m not kind. I was just pretending to be kind.

Pero si Miss Popova, natural na mabait. I wasn’t even in her advisory class, and yet she was willing to do that for me. That was why, even though my guy blockmates looked stupid around her, I couldn’t really blame them.

I wonder why she’s still single, though.

“Let’s go? I know you have to get home early so you can prepare for your shoot tomorrow.”

I smiled and nodded at Miss Popova. Sabay kaming lumabas ng classroom at nakita ko kaagad si Devlin na para bang kapag hindi pa ako lumabas ng room in three seconds ay papasok na s’ya. He was literally about to go in when I went outside.

“Devlin…” I blinked. Medyo nagulat ako sa bilis n’yang nakalapit sa ’kin. His eyes were just on me. Para pa ngang hindi n’ya nakikitang may kasama ako.

“Hello, Mr. Alexeev,” Miss Popova greeted him. “Good work at looking after Yeliz today as well.”

It was only then that Devlin looked at her. He had that same look that he had given Arty before. As if he was trying to remember who she was or if they had even met.

I pursed my lips. I was starting to think that Devlin had short-term memory. Ang bilis n’ya kasing nakakalimutan ang mga nakakasama ko kahit palagi n’ya namang nakikita.

He should’ve known who Miss Popova was, for goodness’ sake! He was guarding me outside the classroom every day! Dapat alam na n’yang isa sa mga prof ko si Miss Popova!

And then, without even acknowledging Miss Popova’s presence, Devlin looked at me.

“Your bag,” sabi pa n’yang inilahad ang kamay sa ’kin.

I blushed in embarrassment. Napatingin pa ako kay Miss Popova to check if she got offended. Nahuli ko pa ang tingin n’ya kay Devlin bago ngumiti sa ’kin nang makitang nakatingin ako.

“I’ll go now, Yeliz.” She looked at Devlin. “Mr. Alexeev.”

Pero hindi talaga man lang s’ya sinulyapan ni Devlin. I didn’t know what to say. It was good that Miss Popova gave me another smile to assure me it was fine before walking away.

When she was finally out of sight, I glared at Devlin. Nawala na sa isip ko na baka may makakita sa ’kin or that I should pretend to be kind even in front of Devlin. But I couldn’t really stop myself from glaring at him. Katatapos lang ng klase ko but he already succeeded in irritating me!

I didn’t give him my bag and started walking. Ramdam ko kaagad ang pagsunod n’ya. But I didn’t want to be around him. I felt like my patience would snap at any time now.

No… I should calm myself. Fuck. Not now. We’re still at the university. May makakakita sa ’kin.

It was a good thing that Devlin didn’t say anything while following me behind. But it still didn’t help me. I could still feel his gaze. I was so sure that he was staring at my back. Hindi kasi komportable ang pakiramdam ko and I even felt conscious of the way I walked.

Am I strutting? Goodness, do I walk weirdly? I guess not. Fuck! I knew that there was nothing wrong with how I walked. I had my practice since I had to walk on the runway pero hindi naman ako ganitong ka-conscious noon! Ngayon lang.

Shit. This is bad. Mas lalo lang lumalala ang iritasyon ko!

“What did I do this time?”

Devlin only talked when we reached the parking space. I looked around, making sure that there was nobody around before facing him.

“You were so rude, you know?”

’Yung itsura ni Devlin, parang hindi n’ya maintindihan kung ano’ng sinasabi ko. He was just staring at me, and my stupid self couldn’t help but notice how good-looking he was!

Shit! Bakit ba kasi ang gwapo rin nitong lalaking ’to?

He was just wearing a plain black button-up shirt and black pants. Nakarolyo pa ang sleeves hanggang siko n’ya. Ang buhok ay magulo at ang ilang hibla ay tumatama sa noo n’ya. He wasn’t wearing any wax to fix his hair, but why does he still look good like this? He could even pass as a university student if it weren’t for his terrifying aura! I think iyon din ang dahilan kung bakit hindi s’ya malapitan ng mga kaklase kong babae even though they were drooling over him.

“I was?” tanong pa ni Devlin. I had to focus on my irritation so I wouldn’t end up admiring him instead.

“You didn’t know?” I gaped at him. “My professor greeted you, yet you ignored her!”

He frowned. Mukhang mas lalo pang naguluhan.

“I didn’t see anything wrong with it.”

I almost screamed. Ubos na ubos na ang pasensya ko sa kanya. Nakakawala s’ya ng composure. Parang gusto ko pa ngang maiyak sa sobrang iritasyon ko sa kanya.

Devlin was staring hard at me. Parang pinapanood ang reaksyon ko. There was something in his eyes that I couldn’t read, and it was making me nervous.

I took a deep breath. I should calm down. No matter how irritating he was, I should remember that it wouldn’t do me any good if I lashed at him here. Baka may makakita pa sa ’kin at malaman kung ano talaga ang ugali ko.

“It’s a common courtesy to greet back someone who greeted you. Don’t you even know something as simple as that?”

He was still staring at me. His eyes were even squinting a bit. Then his jaw clenched. Parang may ikinagagalit na namang hindi ko alam kung ano.

But he took a deep breath. I saw him poke his left cheek with his tongue. His lips parted as he did so, and I couldn’t help but stare at him.

Goodness…

“I don’t think it would even help with my job of protecting you.”

What the hell is wrong with this man?

“It will help my grades! You can protect my grades!”

He frowned so deeply, as if telling me I just said something ridiculous.

“Your grades?”

“Yes! What if you offended Miss Popova earlier and she took it out on me and gave me bad grades? You know I am not a genius and I have to work hard so I can get good grades! You can’t ruin my studies! You shouldn’t ruin everything I worked so hard for, Devlin!”

Even the image that I built! He shouldn’t ruin it just like that!

I knew I was overacting. Baka nga wala lang kay Miss Popova ang hindi pagpansin sa kanya ni Devlin. She was kind after all. But I couldn’t help but worry still. May mga professor pa namang pinepersonal ang pagbibigay ng grades.

May ilang sandaling hindi nagsalita si Devlin at nakatingin lang sa ’kin. Sunod-sunod akong kumuha ng malalalim na paghinga para kalmahin ang sarili ko. My voice raised a little. Ibig sabihin, malapit na talagang maubos ang natitira kong pasensya sa kanya.

“You came out of your classroom last. I was starting to think that something might’ve happened to you.”

Mahinahon ang pagkakasabi n’ya. The opposite of my raised voice at him. I stopped feeling guilty about it.

“My professor just told me something. You could see us talking from outside the room, Devlin. You saw that we were merely conversing.”

“I know that. But it is my job to keep you away from any harm, Yelizaveta.”

Fuck that job. Nakakairita naman ang paraan ng pagtatrabaho n’ya.

“Still, I know my judgment is wrong this time,” he said. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure not to make the same mistake again.”

I bit my lower lip. Seryosong-seryoso s’ya sa pagkakasabi noon. And I was starting to feel guilty, as I could actually see where he was coming from. Paano nga naman kung may planong masama ang kausap ko at ganoong kalapit kami kung mag-usap. I wouldn’t be able to defend myself. And I don’t think Devlin could act quickly dahil mas malapit ako sa kausap ko kaysa sa kanya.

I took a deep breath. My irritation was gone so quickly. I could even feel the lump in my throat out of guilt.

“I have a photoshoot tomorrow, and I need to be in my best condition, yet here I am, getting stressed out because of you.”

Tumalikod na ako at naglakad papunta ng sasakyan. Devlin opened the backseat door for me.

“You’re gorgeous, Yelizaveta. You have nothing to worry about.”

Mabilis akong napasakay sa backseat dahil doon. I had to make sure that there was no emotion on my face, although I could feel my cheeks heating up. I was blushing so fucking hard, and I knew that if Devlin would just glance at me, he would see that I was red as a tomato.

It was a good thing that he closed the door. I took a deep breath before he could take a seat at the passenger’s side. I didn’t think it would help me calm down if I smelled his scent again.

Damn it. Now I felt even more guilty. After ko kasing magalit sa kanya ay sasabihan n’ya ako ng ganoon.

I bit my lower lip. I was now starting to worry that I would have to spend three days at the resort with him.

It will be okay. I hope…

Chapter 5

We got to the resort around noon. It was a four-hour drive, and the whole ride, I was glaring at Devlin so that my eyes got tired, and by the time I realized I shouldn’t mind him and just take a rest while on the ride, we had already arrived at the destination.

Naiinis na naman, kasi ako kay Devlin. I already told him not to wear his usual all-black outfit, and yet he still did! By now, I was already thinking that he was intentionally trying to get on my nerves. Because if not, hindi s’ya magsusuot ng black button-up shirt and black pants! Ang linaw-linaw ko namang sinabi sa kanya na sa beach kami pupunta!

People might think that I’m slaving him. They might think that I wasn’t giving him any time off and having a vacation; that was why Devlin didn’t know what a beach was supposed to be like.

But, come to think of it, is Dad even giving Devlin time off? I’m not sure. Palagi kasing nakadikit sa ’kin si Devlin. The only time I didn’t see him was when I was in the house or resting in my room for the whole day.

Ah, damn it. Why do I care anyway?

I just couldn’t understand what it was with him and his black outfit. Parang hindi n’ya kayang magsuot ng damit na iba ang kulay. Pati pa naman sa beach, naka-semi formal na black pa.

“Yeliz, sweetheart, you’re here.” Arty kissed me on the cheeks. Sinipat n’ya ang kabuuan ko. “You’re beautiful as always.

I gave him a smile. I was wearing a white floral summer dress, which really complimented my fair skin.

“Thank you.” Nilingon ko si Devlin na binubuksan ang trunk ng kotse. “Devlin, my things.”

“I got it,” he said.

I protruded my lower lip. Hmm, okay. Hinayaan ko na lang s’ya. Alam na naman n’ya ang gagawin. It’s like it was his first time escorting me in a shoot that I needed to stay at the hotel. S’ya na ang bahalang magdala ng mga gamit ko sa room na naka-assign sa ’kin.

Nilingon ko na lang ulit si Arty na nahuli kopang pinapanood ang bodyguard.

“Where’s Irina?” I asked to get his attention.

“Hmm? Oh, she’s busy setting up the area. Let’s go to her.”

We had to walk along the beach as the photoshoot area was at the other end, iyong malapit sa batuhan. It was a good thing that there weren’t a lot of people. Hindi kami masyadong makakaagaw ng pansin.

I think Irina wanted to hold the photoshoot on weekdays to avoid the crowds. But I have classes, so we had no choice but to schedule it on weekends. Pero pumatak pa ring Friday ang unang araw, as this shoot would supposedly be a three-day shoot.

I saw a tent set up not too far away in the photoshoot area. Sa hula ko ay iyon ang magiging dressing room ko if I needed to retouch or change clothes. I finally spotted Irina, who was busy giving instructions to her team.

“Irina!” Arty waved at her as we walked towards her. “Yeliz is here!”

She smiled as soon as she saw us. She was wearing a yellow sundress. Mas pinatingkad noon ang kaputian n’ya. She’s really pretty. I think if she wasn’t pursuing fashion design, she would definitely pass as a model.

“Yeliz…” She gave me a hug. “I heard you have a class today. I am really sorry that this shoot overlapped with your class.”

Tipid ko s’yang nginitian. We had already worked before dahil kinuha n’ya rin akong model sa isa sa mga fashion show n’ya noon. But because there were other models, hindi kami masyadong nagkaroon ng interaction.

“No, it’s alright. You don’t have to feel guilty. I know something like this is bound to happen since I’m a model and a student.”

“Are you a graduating student?”

I shook my head. It was a good thing that I wasn’t dahil kapag umoo ako, mukhang mas lalo pa s’yang ma-guilty at baka i-cancel pa nga ang photoshoot ngayon.

“I’m in my third year of university.”

Mukhang nakahinga roon ng maluwag si Irina.

“Oh, that’s good… I know how busy graduating students can be. I’ll wait for you to graduate first before I’ll invite you for another shoot.”

This time, mas totoo ang naging ngiti ko. It’s flattering that she’s already thinking of having another photoshoot with me as her model since Irina is one of the most successful young fashion designers in Russia. Although I know that she also benefited from me, I still wanted to wear her designs. Ang gaganda pa naman ng mga gawa n’ya.

“So, have you already met your co-model? Although you’ll only have a solo session later, I want you to meet him so there’s no discomfort during your pair photoshoot tomorrow.”

“Oh, I just got here. But Arty informed me who he is, and if I remember correctly, we got acquainted last fashion week.”

“That will do. Well, anyway, I know that you can carry yourself no matter who you get paired with. You’re really professional with your work.”

I blushed. It was obvious with my fair complexion kaya hindi na ko nagtaka nang marinig ang mahinang pagtawa ni Irina. Mas lalo lang namula ang mukha ko.

“You started young in the modelling industry, yet you still blushed when you received compliments.”

Napasimangot ako kay Arty. Para kasing nang-aasar. Nawala sa isip ko na kaharap pa namin si Irina and that I have to act kind, but when I looked at her, she had a smile on her lips. Parang natutuwa pa nga.

“Lay off her, Arty…” She looked at me. “Our photoshoot will start at five since we need the sunset as the background, so you still have time to rest, Yeliz. I know you’re tired of the long trip.”

Tumango ako. “I want to say hi to the team first.”

“Oh, sure.”

Irina introduced me to her team and the photographer. They all looked welcoming and cheerful when they greeted me. Parang mga hindi nag-aalangang batiin ako. I guess it had something to do with my kind image, so I returned their greeting with a kind smile on my face.

“I heard a lot of good things about you from my fellow photographers,” the photographer said. “I look forward to working with you.”

“I’m looking forward to working with you, too,” I said as I accepted his handshake.

“Hi, Yeliz.” It was the co-model who greeted me this time. “We met at the last fashion week. Remember me?”

“Yes,” tipid ang ngiting binigay ko sa kanya. “You’re Akim, right?”

“When I heard that you’re going to be my partner in this shoot, I got excited. I really wanted to work with you since we met last time.”

Nginitian ko lang s’ya. Akim is handsome. But in this industry, I’ve been around many good-looking people kaya hindi na ako masyadong naapektuhan. He looked more boyish than manly. I think Irina considered that I am young and have a gentle and soft look when finding a model to pair me up with.

“Oh, by the way,” Irina said. “We’ll aim to complete the shoot in two days because Yeliz has classes on Monday and I want her to have time to rest. If we can finish this on Saturday, we’ll have an after-party. Is that alright with you both?”

Napangiti ako kay Irina. Mukhang nagi-guilty pa rin yata s’yang kinailangan kong ma-skip ng class ngayon para sa shoot n’ya. And I was actually glad that she was being considerate with me.

“It’s fine with me,” I said.

“I’m okay with it as well,” sabi ni Akim na nagkibit-balikat pa.

I didn’t know why, but napalingon na lang ako bigla. As soon as I saw Devlin walking towards us, I realized that it was maybe because I could feel his stares at me as he was walking with his dark eyes set on mine. He was obviously to the stares of the people that he just passed by; ang iba pa nga ay kahit nalagpasan na n’ya ay napapatigil at lumilingon pa sa kanya.

And I couldn’t help but stare at the man walking towards me as well. He changed his clothes. He wasn’t wearing black clothes anymore.

His top was a white linen shirt. Ang sleeves ay nakarolyo hanggang siko at ang mga butones sa harap ay nakabukas. So, I could clearly see his ripped body. The muscles on his broad chest and his eight-pack abs could be seen fully. His pants were cream-colored chino pants. The only black I could see in him were his aviator glasses and his black hair, which was swept gently by the wind. He was wearing black flip-flops too.

Holy freaking shit, I’ve seen a lot of men’s bodies, but no one made me stare so hard like Devlin’s. Ang ganda ng katawan n’ya. He even looked like a model with his tall figure and tanned skin. I already knew that Devlin is good-looking, but dahil sa pananamit n’ya, ngayon ay mas lalo kong nakita ang ganda ng katawan n’ya. Parang alaga pa nga sa gym. All the muscles were in the right place.

I couldn’t see his eyes as he was wearing a black aviator, but I could tell that he was staring at me. I could feel it on my skin and in the fast beating of my heart.

Freaking shit, kahit naka-aviator s’ya, gwapo n’ya. The stubbles on his jaw were more noticeable like this. I actually didn’t like it when men had stubbles except Rio. Rio would always be an exemption but… mukhang napasali na rin si Devlin sa exemption list.

He was already wearing light-colored clothes, but… I could still feel the dark and intimidating aura around him. He walked as if it was the danger that walked toward me. And I couldn’t do anything but stare at him and await what would happen to me.

“Who’s that? Is he a model too?” rinig kong tanong pa ng photographer kay Irina.

“Goodness gracious, Yeliz, dear… Your bodyguard is a damn hot man,” bulong ni Arty sa tabi ko na mukhang narinig ni Irina.

“That’s Devlin?” she asked. He already met him the last time I worked with her kaya kilala na n’ya si Devlin.

I nodded, but I still couldn’t take my eyes off Devlin, who was already in front of me. It was a good thing that he was wearing sunglasses, otherwise, I think my knees would give up if I saw his eyes.

“Can you convince him to accept my invitation and be one of my talents?” I heard Arty say, and it helped me pull away my gaze from Devlin.

“Stop,” I whispered. My tone heeds a warning.

“Yelizaveta.”

My eyes snapped back at Devlin. Ang lakas ng dating n’ya na kahit gusto kong mag-iwas ng tingin ay hindi ko talaga magawa.

“W-what?” What the fuck… Did I just stutter?

“Your room’s ready.”

I nodded like an idiot.

“Okay.”

“I thought you were one of the models,” I heard Akim say. There was something in his tone that I didn’t like. “But then I saw you have a scar and thought otherwise.”

Napatingin pa ako kay Akim at nakitang may itinuturo sa sariling dibdib. I looked back at Devlin and saw what Akim was talking about. Because on Devlin’s chest, right below his collarbone, was a scar three inches long.

What happened? How did he get it? It looked like someone stabbed him with a knife.

Irina cleared her throat.

“Hi, Devlin! I see you went with Yeliz as well.”

Bahagyang tumango lang si Devlin.Para pa ngang hindi na inalis ang tingin sa ’kin. I took a deep breath and faced Irina.

“I’ll take a rest for a bit,” I said.

She smiled. “Sure.”

“I’ll go to your room to get you once you need to start preparing for the shoot,” Arty said. Tatango na sana ako nang magsalita si Devlin.

“No need. I can just tell her.”

“Oh…” Napasulyap pa sa ’kin si Arty na parang hindi alam ang gagawin. “Okay.”

I took another deep breath. Nagpaalam na ako sa kanila at nagsimula nang maglakad. I could feel Devlin following behind me.

Shit… I can’t calm down. My heart was still beating so fast. I thought that I would be okay if I wouldn’t see Devlin kaya nga nauna na ako sa paglalakad. Pero hindi pa rin nagbago ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko dahil ramdam na ramdam ko naman s’ya sa likuran ko.

“What’s my room number?” I asked without looking back at him.

“Three-o-four.”

I nodded. I went inside the elevator, and Devlin was still following me. Once the elevator door closed, I realized my mistake. It felt so small inside with him. Nagsisimula na ring manginig ang tuhod ko dahil sa lakas ng presensya n’ya. It didn’t help that his scent filled the elevator car.

I wouldn’t deny it now. But Devlin smells so freaking good that it irritated me.

It was a good thing that the ride was short dahil nasa third-floor lang naman ang room ko. Devlin opened the door with the card key. I was about to go inside nang magsalita s’ya.

“What about your lunch?” he asked. Inalis na n’ya ang sunglasses n’ya at halos mapamura ako nang makita ang matiim n’yang titig sa ’kin.

“I’ll skip lunch.”

“What?”

“I have a shoot. I can’t eat lunch. I can’t make myself look bloated before the shoot.”

He frowned. Mukhang nagsisimula na s’yang mainis.

“But you haven’t eaten anything.”

“I ate a banana earlier on the ride,” paalala ko sa kanya.

“Like that’s a fucking proper lunch.”

I flinched. I really didn’t like it when he cursed. Para kasing mas nagiging nakakatakot ang presence n’ya.

I took a deep breath to calm myself.

“Devlin… I have a shoot later,” ulit ko. “I need to be in my best look.”

He stared at me for a while before I saw his eyes travel down my body. Napalunok ako at nagsimulang manginig ang kalamnan ko sa bigat ng mga titig n’ya. I could feel his eyes as they gazed at every part of my body. Parang nanunusok. Nangingiliti.

“You look like a fucking skeleton.”

That stopped my trance and the ridiculous feeling I was having. I glared at him. Wala na. Bumalik na ang iritasyon ko sa kanya.

How dare he insult me? I have a great body! Hindi ako magiging sikat na modelo kung hindi! A lot of men admired my body! Even women! Tapos s’ya sasabihan n’ya ko ng ganito?

“Thank you for that fucking compliment that I don’t ever need,” I said sarcastically. Nakangiti pa nga ako sa kanya pero bwisit na bwisit naman ako.

“Yeliza —”

“Shut it, Devlin! You don’t get to insult me like that. You’re just my bodyguard!”

The air seemed to get cold after I said that. Nawalan ng expression ang mukha n’ya. He looked at me coldly with those dark eyes and I fought the urge to take a step back. He looked… frightening.

“Hmm… Is that so?” He even tilted his head to the side, looking down at me.

Nagsimula akong kabahan. Halata ko ang galit sa kanya at para bang may gagawin s’ya sa ’kin. My hands even started trembling and I wanted to escape from him as soon as possible.

“I’m tired,” I said. Muntik pa akong mautal sa sobrang takot ko. “I’m going to rest. I’ll see you later.”

Mabilis kong isinara ang pinto sa pagitan naming pagkatapos noon. I was trying to catch my breath. Hindi kasi ako makahinga nang maayos sa sobrang kaba.

But then, I remembered he still had the card key to my room.

I looked at the door lock. My heart started to beat fast again out of nervousness. I was starting to feel tense, gaya ng nararamdaman ko kapag nanonood ako ng horror or thriller movies. I was watching the door lock as if there was a killer outside.

Saka lang ako nakahinga nang maluwag nang marinig ang mga yabag ni Devlin papalayo. I almost flopped myself down on the floor as I felt the strength leave my body. Pinilit ko na lang ang sarili kong maglakad ng kwarto at pabagsak na humiga sa kama.

I closed my eyes. Now, I felt that I really needed to rest.

Chapter 6

I went to the photoshoot area by three in the afternoon. Hindi ko na hinintay si Devlin na tawagin ako dahil gusto ko sana s’yang iwasan muna. But being the bodyguard, he was just right outside my room as soon as I opened the door. Inaasahan ko na rin naman s’ya pero nagulat pa rin ako. I just couldn’t get any time away from him.

The team got busy doing my hair and makeup. I entertained myself by reading one of the books that Rio gave me. To relax myself din sana but I ended up getting frustrated when I encountered Tagalog words that were new to me. Mas malalalim kasi ang Tagalog noon. Kahit na anong basa ang gawin ko, hindi ko maintindihan ang kwento even though I already searched the meaning of the word on the internet.

I wished I could call Rio. He’d patiently explain it to me.

“You’re all set, Yeliz…” the hairstylist said. She smiled at me through our reflection in the mirror. “You’re really beautiful.”

I stared at my own reflection. I was wearing more natural makeup this time. My lipstick was nude, and my eye makeup was a light-brown shade. Nakalugay lang ang hanggang dibdib kong buhok but they added more waves and volume to my hair. It kinda looked messy, but since we were at the beach and the wind would blow my hair, it fit our theme for today.

I was wearing a white off-shoulder top. Mababa ang three-fourth sleeves na umabot hanggang half ng upper arm ko so my upper back and whole shoulders were exposed. They even put makeup on them, highlighting my collarbone and shoulder blades so they would get emphasized more and would look good on camera.

The top has a tied and cropped style. It was tied together on my chest, and it was a little dangerous dahil maling galaw ko lang ay mahuhubaran ako. The skirt was a white tiered maxi skirt with a high slit, exposing my right thigh. The overall look was actually amazing, and I fell in love with the style.

“Do I look gaunt?” I asked, still staring at my reflection. Kaya kitang-kita ko sa salamin ang paglingon ng makeup artist at hair stylist ko.

“What?” Nagkatinginan pa sila. “Of course not. You’re gorgeous! I sometimes think that you’re really an angel that went down from heaven to at least make our days better with your beauty.”

“What’s that about?” natatawa kong sabi. “I’m no angel.”

“To be honest… you are my favorite model to do makeup on. You have a perfect face.”

Napatingin ulit ako sa salamin. I do look beautiful. I believed that. After all, a lot of people have been saying that to me. You know, when people often tell you things, you start believing them. You’d think that it was the truth.

But now, I was starting to doubt that. Nakakainis dahil isang sabi lang ni Devlin ng hindi magandang salita tungkol sa ’kin, pinaniwalaan ko na agad ’yon. It was just Devlin, yet why was I getting so affected like this?

“Someone told me that I look like a skeleton,” I mumbled. I wasn’t even trying to say that out loud, but, I guess, I didn’t really feel okay.

“Whoever said that is either blind or doesn’t have eyes.”

Irina walked inside the tent. Lumapit s’ya sa ’kin at nginitian ako.

“You look perfect.”

I smiled at her. “Thank you… I love the dress.”

“Are you all set?” Napatingin s’ya sa librong hawak ko. “Is that a Filipino novel?”

My forehead was lightly creased. The book was open in my hand, so the title wasn’t visible. But Irina could tell that the words were Filipino with just a glance.

“You’ve read this book?” I asked, confused.

Mabilis s’yang umiling. Nag-iwas pa s’ya ng tingin.

“No… Anyway, the photographer is still setting up his gear. I’ll call you once it’s your cue, okay?”

Tumango ako. Lumabas na s’ya ng tent kasunod ng makeup artist at hairstylist para raw makapag-relax ako saglit before the shoot. Naiwan akong mag-isa sa loob.

Saglit lang akong sumulyap sa salamin then I decided to read it again. But I couldn’t focus on the story anymore, especially since I couldn’t understand it anyway. I think I’d have a nosebleed with these deep Tagalog words.

I just looked in the mirror again. I really do look beautiful. I don’t think I look bony. Baka gusto lang akong inisin ni Devlin.

Does he?

The very man I was just thinking of entered the tent. Napasimangot ako bago iniiwas ang tingin sa kanya. He was still in that get-up, and I didn’t even want to think that he looked hot, but what could I even do if the truth was already screaming right in my face?

“If you’re here to throw another insult at me, please go. I don’t need someone bringing my confidence down right before my shoot.”

Tahimik lang si Devlin na naglakad palapit sa ’kin while I was still sitting right in front of the mirror. I didn’t want to look at him again pero mukhang nananadya talaga si Devlin. Patalikod n’yang isinandal ang balakang sa gilid ng vanity table. He was crouching a bit, facing me. He didn’t even try to hide the fact that he was staring at me.

I was feeling conscious… and anxious. Baka kasi may sabihin na naman s’yang insult and I don’t think I’ll just let him get away with it. After all, my makeup artist and hairstylist worked hard to make me look good today. And I was even wearing Irina’s creation. Hindi lang ako ang iinsultuhin n’ya kapag ganoon.

“Can’t you even take a sip of water?” he asked.

Mas lalo akong napasimangot. I shouldn’t even frown, as it might ruin my makeup, so I tried to take a deep breath. Kailangan ko talagang tiisin ang iritasyon ko sa kanya ngayon.

“I can’t. I have to dry out my water. The banana I actually ate earlier is already cheating. But since this is a three-day shoot, I have no choice but to at least eat something to replenish my energy.”

“You mean you won’t even eat dinner?”

Napabuntonghininga ako.

“I can’t eat or drink anything until the photoshoot is over.”

He didn’t say anything. Napatingala tuloy ako sa kanya. There was a frown forming on his forehead. Malapit na yatang mainis.

“You’re skin-and-bones and you’re still starving—”

“Devlin, please,” I stopped even before he could completely insult me. “I don’t even know why it is a problem for you. It’s not like this is my first photoshoot. You’re already familiar with my pre-shoot routine.”

“You’re starving yourself.”

I wanted to groan out loud. Or even cry. Freaking shit. I am having my photoshoot, and Devlin is stressing me out! Kinakabahan tuloy ako sa magiging output ng photos later!

“I wasn’t aware that it’s in your job description to be my nutritionist as well.”

“Don’t get sassy with me, Yelizaveta,” saway n’ya.

I glared at him. He was staring at me, and he wasn’t even glaring at pero hindi ko matagalan ang tingin n’ya kaya ako rin ang nag-iwas ng tingin sa huli. I should avoid getting stressed, but how could I do that when my stress was six feet and four inches tall? Mas matangkad pa s’ya kay Akim.

“Can you please just go? You’re here to guard and protect me, not to watch out if I should eat or not.”

He didn’t say anything, but I could feel his gaze. I wanna get away from his presence, as it was really intimidating to me. Hindi pa nakatulong na alam kong kami lang dalawa ang nasa loob ng tent na ’to.

But why should I leave? S’ya dapat ’yung umalis. This is my place. It was provided as my dressing and resting room so ako ang mas may right sa lugar na ’to ngayon. He’s just an intruder.

I decided to just read the book again. Nagpanggap na lang akong naiintindihan ko ang binabasa. After all, that was what I was good at. Pretending. Hindi ko na nga pinansin ang kaba sa dibdib ko.

I heard him sigh. Muntik pa akong mapapikit when his breath fanned my skin. My hand that was holding the book started to tremble, but I still acted like it didn’t bother me.

“I didn’t mean to insult you.”

I scoffed.

“Your words said otherwise.”

“It wasn’t my intention to bring your confidence down.”

Napasimangot ako.

“You called me a skeleton and skin-and-bones. Don’t even dare deny it.”

Matagal s’yang hindi nagsalita. I couldn’t keep up with the silence anymore, so I looked up to him. I found his dark eyes still on me. Halatang hindi na inalis ang tingin sa ’kin mula pa kanina.

But there was something different in the way he looked at me. As if he was enjoying this time. I could even see a faint smirk on his lips, but he was trying not to.

I was surprised. He usually wasn’t showing any expression on his face. Well, wala pa rin namang expression ang mukha n’ya ngayon but… I could tell there was something different.

“What?” I asked. I was on guard.

“You’re beautiful.”

I had to bite my tongue so I wouldn’t make any sounds. Napalunok na lang ako. I could feel my face heating up and Devlin saw that. This time, the side of his lips rose a little.

“You’re stunning…”

His hand reached for my hair. He lightly touched some strands. Magaan lang ang hawak n’ya but the sensation traveled to my scalp, tickling me. Nagsimulang bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko.

“What…”

“If you could see yourself through my eyes, you’d know the secrets I’ve been trying to keep. But that would only make you run away from me.”

“Devlin…”

This time, his hand moved inside my hair, almost touching my cheeks. Hindi man lang dumampi ang palad n’ya sa balat ko. It was just there, hovering, and just a slight movement would make him touch me. Pero kakaiba na agad ang nararamdaman ko. Parang nahirapan akong huminga.

And… I actually anticipated his touch.

“You’re so fucking gorgeous, Yelizaveta. So fucking…”

He didn’t continue his words and just stared at me. I was staring back at him, so I watched how his eyes roamed around my face. Nagtatagal ang tingin n’ya sa bawat parte ng mukha ko na para bang hindi na s’ya magkakaroon ng iba pang pagkakataong gawin ’yon kaya sinusulit na n’ya. His gaze lingered on my lips the most.

“You insulted me, though,” I whispered. Bigla yata akong nawalan ng lakas.

It was obvious that he was trying not to smirk this time.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I was just worried for your health.”

“You could’ve phrased it kindly.”

“Hm. Next time.” He tilted his head to the side. “Forgive me?”

I pursed my lips. Saglit akong nag-isip. I guess I’ll let him go for now. Kapag inulit pa n’ya, I won’t really forgive him.

“Okay,” maliit ang boses na sabi ko.

He chuckled. Gulat akong napatitig sa kanya. That was a new sound to me. I didn’t know I would ever hear that sound from him.

Devlin has a deep voice, and he usually says only a few words when we’re talking. But his chuckle was even deeper and had a raspy tone. I had this urge that I wanted to reach for. I wanted to hear it again.

I stared at him even more. Devlin looked really handsome. Kahit anong iritasyon ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya, hindi ko na kayang itanggi ’yon.

“Don’t you know how to style your hair?” puna ko sa magulo n’yang buhok. Though I think it was because of the wind.

He raised an eyebrow at me.

“We’re at the beach.”

Napasimangot ako sa kanya dahil parang binabalik n’ya lang ang sinabi ko noon. That because we were at the beach, there wasn’t any need to style his hair dahil magugulo lang din naman ng hangin.

“But my hairstylist still styled my hair,” I rebutted.

“Because you’re having a photoshoot.”

Inirapan ko na lang s’ya. I saw the hair wax that the stylist used on me. Ilapag ko muna ang libro sa upuan bago kinuha ang wax at tumayo sa harapan n’ya. Kahit sa ganitong pwesto ay mas matangkad pa rin talaga s’ya sa ’kin.

“Lower your head,” I said. Walang salitang sinunod ako ni Devlin.

Kumuha ako ng kaunting wax. I spread it onto my palm and transferred it to his hair. Ang lambot ng buhok n’ya. Nangingiliti ang bawat hibla sa mga daliri ko. I liked touching it kaya nagtagal ang pag-aayos ko sa buhok n’ya.

My heart was beating so fast inside my chest. I think this was the first time that we were this… close and that we were both relaxed. Nakita ko pa ngang nakapikit si Devlin kaya malaya kong natitigan ang mukha n’ya nang hindi kinakabahan sa mga titig n’ya.

He is so freaking-ly handsome. He really has manly features, including a prominent jawline, which became even more obvious whenever he gritted his teeth kapag nauubusan s’ya ng pasensya sa ’kin. Bahagyang gumagalaw kasi ang panga n’ya.

He has bushy eyebrows, which were a bit close to his eyes and I think it added to his intimidating look since he also has sharp eyes. Kaya hindi nagtatagal ang tingin ko sa kanya. Mahirap. Kakabahan agad ang sinumang tumitig sa kanya sa lakas ng presensya n’ya. And I think that was the case for everyone else too.

He has a masculine nose, long and prominent, with a straight bridge. Matangos. And I often heard from my male co-models that this was the kind of nose that was ideal for them. He also has plump and full lips with pink and red hues clustered on them. Parang masarap…

I shook my head. What in the freaking hell am I even thinking? Kung saan-saan na papunta ang iniisip ko.

Itinuloy ko na lang ang pag-aayos sa magulong buhok ni Devlin. I was actually enjoying touching his hair. Pero hindi na rin naman kailangang ayusin ’yon dahil liliparin din naman ng hangin. So, I just styled it so it wouldn’t get messier when the wind blows it.

“Done,” I said.

Devlin opened his eyes. I felt my heart skip a bit, and I knew that it was getting dangerous for me, so I looked away. Kinuha ko na lang ulit ang libro at umupo na.

“How is it?”

I looked at Devlin when he asked that. What is this? Is he fishing for a compliment?

“You look good.” Ibinalik ko ang tingin sa libro.

I heard another chuckle from him. Kahit hindi na ako nakatingin sa kanya, ang bilis pa rin ng tibok ng puso ko.

“The book, I mean.”

I bit my tongue. Ramdam ko ang pag-akyatan ng dugo sa mukha ko.

Shit! Nakakahiya!

“I could barely understand it,” I said, acting like everything was fine.

“There are words you couldn’t understand?”

I nodded.

“I already looked for the meaning, but it didn’t help.” I sighed. “I wish I could call Rio.”

“Don’t.”

Mabilis akong napalingon kay Devlin. The way he said it was harsh. I found him even clenching his jaw. Parang magagalit na naman.

“Why?”

“He’s busy.”

I slumped my shoulders.

“I know that… But what should I do? I really couldn’t understand the story.”

He held out his hand.

“Let me.”

Napatanga ako sa kanya. “What?”

“I’ll read it.”

“But you can’t understand Filipino.”

Devlin stared at me. He then lightly tilted his head to the side. The side of his lips rose for a smirk.

Muntik pa akong mapaatras sa paraan ng tingin n’ya. As I stared at him, I suddenly remembered the way I called his name the first time I saw him.

Devil… I felt like I was looking at the devil.

But then the look was gone. I had to stare at him longer, thinking that I would see it again. Pero nawalan na naman ng expression ang mukha n’ya.

“Yeliz?”

Wala sa sarili akong napatingin sa bukana ng tent. Irina was there, smiling at me. Her smile helped me calm down.

“We’re going to start the shoot,” she said.

Napatango ako. “Okay.”

I looked at Devlin. Nakalahad pa rin ang kamay n’ya sa ’kin.

“The book,” he said.

I hesitated a bit before giving it to him. His lips twitched. Parang ngingisi pa nga dahil nagustuhan ang ginawa ko.

But he just looked at me instead with his usual expression.

“Good luck with your photo shoot, Yelizaveta.”

I looked at the book in his hand before looking back at him. Para s’yang may hinihintay kaya tumango ako.

“Okay.”

Sumabay sa akin si Irina sa paglalakad nang makalabas na ako ng tent. I knew Devlin got out of the tent too. I could feel his gaze on my back.

“What’s wrong?” tanong ni Irina nang sigurong may mapuna sa mukha ko.

I looked at her. Then I forced myself to give her a kind smile.

“Nothing… I’m just nervous.”

She chuckled.

“I know you’ll do good. Just enjoy the shoot, okay?”

I nodded, still smiling at her, and went to the photoshoot area. Pero hindi pa rin nawawala ang tanong sa isip ko even when the photographer instructed me to strike a pose.

Devlin can understand Tagalog?

Chapter 7

The second day of the photo shoot became more hectic for me. Umaga pa lang ay nag-start na ang shoot. We were on the other side of the beach dahil sunrise naman ang ginawang backdrop this time. I was trying to be lively during the shoot, as I found it hard to even give a fake smile to everyone if I felt lethargic. Mabilis kong nararamdaman ang pagod.

I even slept early last time. When the shoot ended, I felt exhausted. Dalawang beses kasi akong kinailangan magpalit ng damit and we all had to move quickly dahil hinahabol naming ang paglubog ng araw. So, when I got to my room to take a rest, I felt drained. Naligo lang ako at nagpatuyo ng buhok then fell asleep after that since I had to wake up early the next day.

But that exhaustion lasted the next day. Kaya ngayon ay hirap na hirap akong pananatilihin ang ngiti sa mga labi ko. The theme of the shoot was to be lively pa naman. I was wearing a yellow top with an almost similar design to the white top I wore yesterday. Ang kaibahan lang ay hindi na iyon itinatali sa harap so I could move freely as well. I was also wearing a two-piece bikini at kita ang string na nakatali sa leeg ko as the yellow top has a low off-shoulder design.

I was showing more skin today but I was used to this anyway. After all, I think the pair shoot I’d have with Akim later has a swimsuit theme so I would only be wearing a bikini.

Ah…I felt like my mind was floating somewhere. Medyo hirap akong makapag-focus ngayon. I got plenty of sleep but I think it was because I hadn’t eaten anything. I didn’t even take any water. I only ate a banana yesterday and that was all.

Siguro kaya gusto rin ni Irina na matapos ngayon ang photo shoot because if it won’t, hanggang bukas ako hindi kakain. Kahit na sanay na naman ako as it was always like this whenever I had a photoshoot. But I need food to have energy.

If I could only have a coffee at least…

“That’s a wrap for now!”

Mabilis akong lumapit sa photographer nang isigaw n’ya ’yon.

“Sir…”

“Hmm? Oh, Yeliz. Good work.”

“Were my expressions okay?”

“Of course. They’re perfect. You did well. I didn’t even have to give you much instruction because you already knew what to do.”

Nakahinga ako nang maluwag. I managed to give the photographer a genuine smile.

“That’s good to hear.”

“Irina likes the output too. She has been telling me that she appreciates you as a model because of your professionalism.” He smiled at me. “Now I see why my fellow photographers have been praising you. It’s enjoyable to work with you.”

Pinamulahan ako ng mukha. Hearing compliments from photographers was such a good thing for me. This was one of those times when I felt really happy that I had decided to be a model. Na hindi ako napipilitan lang.

“The camera loves you, Yeliz…” he even said.

I gave him a shy smile. Maybe Arty was right. No matter how many times people compliment me, nahihiya pa rin ako. I mean, I really didn’t know what to do. Should I say thank you? Won’t it make me look conceited? Kapag naman nahihiya ako, aasarin lang nila ko. Like what Arty did.

“As expected of you, Yeliz!”

Napatingin ako kay Akim na nakangiting papalapit sa ’kin. The people who were watching the shoot were looking at him. Hindi pa naman ganoong karami ang tao since it was Saturday morning. Mamaya or bukas pa magdadatingan ang mga guest. But I think Akim was loving the attention.

He gave me a friendly smile. I smiled back kindly at him. I didn’t want to get close to him or with other co-models. It was one of the tips that Arty gave me. To treat my fellow models as my workmates and just have a professional relationship with them. Just to avoid rumors na rin.

“Thank you,” I said, ’cause I think that was the best response to him.

“I thought I saw an angel.” Hinagod n’ya ako ng tingin. “But if angels look like you, you’ll give men ideas that will drive them to hell.”

Nawala ang ngiti ko.

“What…?”

He chuckled. He waved his hand, dismissing the thought.

“Let’s have an early lunch together.”

I shook my head.

“I can’t eat. We still have to shoot later.”

“Then… how about a meal after the shoot? Tomorrow?”

“I’m not sure…” I said, tucking my hair behind my ears. “I think I’ll go straight home tomorrow if we get done with the shoot early. I still have classes on Monday.”

“How about next week, then? Or whenever you’re free.”

What the… Will he not stop? Can’t he take a hint?

“I’m not really sure, Akim… My final exam is coming up, so I need to focus on studying.”

I wanted to tell him straight that I wasn’t interested. But I didn’t want to look snobbish. I have an image to maintain. And what if he’d turn the story around and tell people that he was just a friendly invitation? It wouldn’t do well for me.

This is one of the advantages I have with my kind image. People often think that I will always be kind. Na papayag ako sa lahat ng gusto nila. And I think that was one of the misconceptions they have about kind people.

Being kind doesn’t mean that you don’t feel irritated. That you’d just smile and let others take you for granted because they think that you’d just go with the flow. That you didn’t have any opinion and just did whatever they wanted. They have the tendency to take advantage of your kindness until you get fed up with their behavior.

And whenever kind people get mad, sasabihan kang mapagpanggap. That you’re finally showing your true colors. As if you do not have the right to get mad, get hurt, or even disagree with what they want. They tend to forget all the good things you’ve done for them because of that one time you didn’t agree with them. And that’s when they’ll make you look like the worst person.

But kind people are humans. They do get hurt. They do get mad. But it doesn’t mean that they are already bad people. Because those are normal human emotions. It’s okay to feel them.

“I knew it. You’re my ideal woman!”

Napatitig ako kay Akim. I was sure that confusion was written on my face.

“What…?”

“You’re a hard worker, and you take what you’re doing seriously. You don’t get overwhelmed with pressure.” He flashed me a boyish smile. “That’s what I’ve been looking for in a woman.”

I laughed awkwardly. I really didn’t know how to act around people like Akim. He’s the kind of person who thinks he can get away with everything with a smile.

“I’m getting excited about our pair shoot later,” sabi pa n’ya.

Ah… how could I get away with him? Mas lalo akong napapagod sa kanya.

I felt a shawl draped on my shoulders, which surprised me. The shawl was so big that the end reached my thighs. I recognized that it was mine kaya napatingin ako sa naglagay noon sa balikat ko. I found Devlin looking at Akim first before his gaze turned to me.

“You should get dressed,” he said.

I tried not to frown at him.

“My outfit is beach-appropriate.”

May ilang sandaling nakatitig lang s’ya sa ’kin.

“You should rest. Besides, you need to return those clothes anyway.”

Napalabi ako. Well, he was right anyway. And I was actually amazed that he knew something like this. Parang nasasanay na rin s’ya sa mga dapat kong gawin as a model.

I mean… dapat lang. He was always with me, sa fashion shows man or photoshoots. Kaya dapat alam n’ya na ring hindi ako kumakain kapag ganoon. Hindi ko lang talaga alam kung bakit namilit s’ya kahapon. Nagtalo na naman tuloy kami.

“Devlin’s right, Yeliz,” sabi ni Arty na nakalapit na rin sa ’min. “The shoot will start at four later, so you have the entire afternoon to rest.” Binigyan n’ya ako ng seryosong tingin. “Rest but do not sleep, okay? And remember not to eat or drink anything.”

Tumango na lang ako. He never failed to lecture me.

“Then…” I looked at Akim. I saw him frowning at Devlin pero nang makitang nakatingin ako sa ngumiti sa ’kin. “I’ll go and get a rest before our shoot.”

He smiled and nodded at me.

“See you later, Yeliz.”

Saglit ko ulit s’yang sinulyapan bago tuluyang naglakad. It really looked like he was cautious of Devlin. Tapos si Devlin ay mukhang wala namang pakealam sa kanya.

I think Akim didn’t like that somehow, Devlin stole the attention from him. Nang lumapit kasi si Devlin sa ’kin ay mas natuon ang pansin ng mga tao sa bodyguard ko. Some even thought that he was a model too.

Hmm… anyway, it doesn’t concern me. I just don’t get men’s egos.

Mabilis akong nagpalit ng damit. I wanted to take a dip in the water, but I still had a shoot later. It wouldn’t do well if I got tanned. Alam kong kinuha ako ni Irina as her model because she knew that I was the best choice with the colors of the fabric that she used and the designs.

Then, maybe after the shoot na lang. I’ll take a swim after the shoot.

But I didn’t want to get holed up in the room the entire afternoon. Hindi rin naman ako pwedeng matulog. So, I rented out a cottage and decided to spend my time there.

“I won’t eat,” sabi ko kaagad nang pumasok din si Devlin sa cottage.

“I know,” he said.

He took something from his gym bag. He got busy putting loads of blankets on the wooden bench. Galing pa yata ’yon sa tinutuluyan naming hotel. Pinagpatong-patong n’ya ’yon before placing a small pillow on the backrest.

“Sit here.” He even patted the blankets, making sure that they were flat and there weren’t any creases.

I tried not to smile. Okay… he’s thoughtful. Pansin ko naman noon pa. Pero dahil iritado nga ako sa kanya ay nakakalimutan ko ang tungkol doon.

I guess something changed inside me after what happened yesterday. I realized that I could be with him without getting irritated. If only he wouldn’t get harsh with his words, though.

I sat in that area and relaxed myself. It was comfortable. Hindi katulad kanina na ramdam kong matigas ang inuupuan ko.

“Are you okay?”

Napatingin ako sa kanya. He was sitting on the bench in front of me. He was wearing a white linen shirt and light blue beach shorts. The wind was blowing his hair, making it look messy again. But he still looked good.

I guess Devlin looked good in white as well. Or any light-colored clothes.

Pero bakit lagi s’yang nakaitim? Favorite n’ya ba ang black?

“Huh…?”

“You look tired.”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. “What?”

I touched my face, but it wasn’t enough. I took out my phone to check my face, but I couldn’t see anything wrong. I still looked beautiful.

I glared at Devlin. This man… I guess he really wanted to annoy me, huh?

“You’re misunderstanding me again,” he said before I could say anything. “Earlier, when you were having the shoot, you didn’t look too…” He frowned a bit, as if he was struggling to find the right words.

I couldn’t stop myself from smiling this time. I think he took my words seriously yesterday. He was thinking so hard so I wouldn’t feel insulted again.

But I knew what he was trying to say. Maybe he noticed that I was feeling worn out earlier.

“Was it that obvious?” Hinawakan ko pa ulit ang mga pisngi ko. “But the photographer said that I did good.”

“You did. And you still look beautiful, even now.” Napairap ako pero napapangiti naman. “But I still noticed that you weren’t feeling good earlier.”

“Hmm… I was feeling lethargic because I haven’t eaten anything and have to work early. But I’m fine now,” mabilis kong habol dahil mukhang magrereklamo na naman s’ya sa hindi ko pagkain. Baka magtalo na naman kami. “I have the whole afternoon to relax.”

He stared at me so hard with a serious expression on his face. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Maybe he was mad again. But this is my work. He knew I was supposed to do this to look really good on camera.

He sighed. May kinuha s’ya sa gym bag at iniabot iyon sa ’kin.

“Here.”

I was confused when I took it from here. It was a book. The book I was reading yesterday. I just didn’t recognize it dahil parang mas naging makapal iyon ngayon.

“What…”

I opened the book and my lips parted when I saw what he did. I skimmed through the pages and I found out why the book got thicker this time.

“You annotated it?”

He wrote notes on the pages. I saw that he used transparent notes as well kapag kulang ang space na susulatan n’ya and the explanation for the Tagalog words was a bit long. He even used tabs if the words got repeated but the meaning changed.

What the…

Hindi makapaniwalang napatingin ako kay Devlin. He was staring at me, watching my expressions. I didn’t know what expression I was wearing now but I felt something different inside my chest. I felt a pang in my heart. It was painful yet also warm. Naramdaman ko nga rin ang pag-iinit ng mga mata ko.

Would I really cry about something like this? What the hell…

I mean… I knew how hard it was to annotate the book. At first, it was enjoyable but it got frustrating later on. Ganoon kasi ako. Noong una ay ina-annotate ko pa ang mga librong binigay sa ’kin ni Rio but it was a lot of work so I stopped and just memorized the meaning of the words.

Did he do this overnight? Hindi ko nga kayang makatapos ng isang libro sa isang gabi lang yet Devlin even annotated it. He put so much effort into this.

“Should I not have done that?” he asked. Siguro ay may nakitang mal isa expression ko.

I shook my head. I took a deep breath and sniffed.

“No… This is wonderful. Thank you…”

I smiled at him. It was a genuine smile. I think even my eyes were smiling.

I noticed Devlin stilled. Titig na titig s’ya sa ’kin. I think it was because this was the first time I gave him this kind of smile so he looked startled. But I couldn’t help it. I really appreciated what he did.

“So, you really could understand Tagalog.” I chuckled. “I didn’t even know that.”

“You didn’t ask.” Hindi man lang s’ya nag-alis ng tingin sa ’kin.

Napaisip ako.

“Okay. You’re right. But when pa?” Napatingin ako sa libro. “With these annotations and explanations, it doesn’t seem like you just learned the language recently.”

“When I discovered you were learning the language, I tried to learn it as well.”

Huh…? When was that? I was already learning Filipino even before we met. I was young when I decided to learn it. I didn’t even try to hide na pinag-aaralan ko ang language na ’yon.

That long? And yet, hindi man lang n’ya sinabi sa ’kin?

“You should’ve told me!” I cried out. “I could’ve asked you instead of Rio.”

Mas napatitig s’ya sa ’kin.

“You would?”

“Yes! How could you not tell me that?”

“You didn’t ask.”

“But you should’ve still told me! You were around whenever I called Rio to ask him about Tagalog words I couldn’t understand!”

He was silent a bit. Pagkatapos ay seryoso n’ya akong tinitigan.

“You were already calling him even before I could tell you. You never gave me a chance to teach you.”

Natahimik ako. He has a point pero malay ko bang may nakikinig pa lang alam na ang sagot sa kung anong itatanong ko kay Rio?

“Besides,” he continued. “You were still calling him even if you already knew what you were asking him.”

I blushed. What the fuck? Am I that obvious?

I cleared my throat. I was pouting a bit when I looked at him again.

“Since I can’t call him anymore, I’ll call you instead if there are any Tagalog words I can’t understand.”

I noticed him staring hard at my lips. Muntik pa nga akong mapaatras kung hindi lang ako nakaupo. The way he looked at my lips, it was as if… he was hungry. But then that look was gone too quickly when he looked into my eyes again.

“Why would you call me?”

“To ask you!” I blinked. “But if you don’t want that—”

“No. I mean, why would you even call me when you can just ask me in person? I am always beside you, Yelizaveta.”

Napalabi ako. Ewan but my heart started to beat fast after that. Maybe something is wrong with me.

“I’ll do that then. And also…” Binigyan ko s’ya ng nahihiyang ngiti. “Can we start talking in Tagalog?”

“Hmm?”

“I did that with Rio the last time we met, but he’s busy, and I can’t just call him, so… there’s no one I can practice conversing in Tagalog with.”

There was something sinister in his dark eyes when I stared at him. And I didn’t know why, but I just felt like prey that just got caught up in his trap. Something was urging me to back away now because this was just a trick and I’d get confined if I stayed.

But then Devlin blinked and it was gone. I saw him nodding instead.

“Alright.”

Sandaling pa akong napatitig sa kanya bago malawak na napangiti.

“Thank you!”

His lips twitched, wanting to smirk, but he just nodded again. Hindi ko na lang pinansin at umayos na ng upo. I just relaxed in my seat and started reading the book with his annotations.

Chapter 8

There were more people at the resort by the time we started the photo shoot. Curious eyes were on us, but I think it was also because a lot of people could recognize me. I know they were waiting for an opportunity to approach or take a picture of me, but because this photo shoot was for Irina’s upcoming collection, taking pictures was prohibited.

Surprisingly, Akim was silently doing his job. Sinusunod n’ya ang bawat instructions ng photographer. I had this impression that I would be having a hard time dahil nga sa mga sinabi n’ya kaninang umaga. I was even worried that he might do something to take advantage of the photo shoot.

But the poses that the photographer instructed us weren’t too daring or intimate. Siguro ay dahil na rin sa ‘innocent and angel-like’ image ko. Just a light and a few skinships were enough.

But then again, I might’ve been judging Akim too harshly. This was just our first work together, after all. Hindi ko lang talaga nagustuhan ang mga pinagsasabi n’ya kaninang umaga.

Akim was just wearing his trunks. We were facing each other. Our pose was too close this time. Pareho kaming nakatagilid sa camera. Akim’s left arm was on my back while the other was resting on my waist, iyong nakaharap sa camera para hindi matakpan ang katawan ko as I was wearing a white two-piece bikini. While I was angling my upper body slightly facing the camera, my shoulder was kinda resting on Akim’s chest while the other was resting on his right arm. Ako lang ang nakatingin sa camera, while Akim’s face was close to mine, the tip of his nose was touching my temple.

I think this will be our last post. Papalubog na kasi ang araw at malapit nang dumilim. Hinahabol na lang ng photographer ang liwanag to serve as our backdrop.

We managed to fit all our schedules for today. There will be no photoshoot tomorrow as this will be our last day. I was glad, actually. Gutom na ako. Gusto ko na talagang kumain. And I could eat anything I want after this since matatagalan pa bago ulit tumanggap ng schedule si Arty for another photoshoot or fashion show. He promised that to me after all.

I swear, I’m going to eat everything I want after this.

“That’s a wrap!” I heard the photographer finally shout. “Good work, everyone!”

I heaved a sigh of relief. I tried to move away from Akim, but he pulled me back into his arms. Nagulat pa ako sa ginawa n’ya. My eyes widened when I looked up at him.

“Davay pouzhinayem vmeste.” Akim invited me for dinner again.

I frowned. Bahagya ko s’yang itinulak palayo pero hindi n’ya pa rin ako pinakawalan. I tried again, pushing him harder this time. Lumayo naman s’ya pero hindi binitiwan ang braso ko.

“I told you I couldn’t. I don’t have time.”

“Right now, then. I’ll wait for you to freshen up.”

Freaking shit. Why the hell is this man so persistent? Can’t he understand a ‘no?’

Nagsisimula na talaga akong mainis. I really want to tell it to his face and even be rude about it. But there were still people around. The crew was busy wrapping up. Not to mention the onlookers who were the guests of the resort.

“Yelizaveta.”

I looked at Devlin. Alam ko na ngang s’ya na agad ’yon bago ko pa s’ya lingunin. S’ya lang naman ang may lakas ng loob banggitin ng buo ang pangalan ko. He could save time if he would just call me by my nickname instead of my whole name, which has five syllables.

He was walking towards us. Nasa akin lang ang mga mata n’ya hanggang sa tumigil s’ya ilang hakbang ang layo sa ’min. I couldn’t read what was in his eyes. He looked mad. But then again, there wasn’t any emotion on his face. As usual.

Ilang sandali pa s’yang tumitig lang sa ’kin bago lumipat ang tingin n’ya kay Akim. He then looked down at his arms, then at his hand, which was still holding my arm. I saw Devlin’s jaw tensed. Ngayon, sigurado na talaga akong galit s’ya.

“Devlin,” I muttered his arm. Ewan ko kung bakit bigla akong kinabahan. I tried to yank away my arm from Akim, but he didn’t let go of me.

I glared at the man. What the hell is wrong with him? Didn’t he feel the change in the air when Devlin approached us? Hindi ko alam kung ano ’yon but my gut feeling told me that I should really get away from him now!

“Akim…” I tried to pull my arm again. Let me… go!“

Nagawa ko na ring bawiin ang braso ko pero naramdaman ko ang sakit dahil sa pagpupumilit kong makawala sa pagkakahawak n’ya. And because I have fair skin, mabilis na namula ang parteng iyon. I had to cover it with my hand before Devlin could even see it. May palagay kasi akong hindi n’ya dapat makita iyon.

But it was too late. Devlin saw it. When I looked at him, I saw his eyes darken even more. He was clenching his jaw so hard, and I even noticed he balled his fist, crumpling my shawl that he was holding. He looked at Akim with so much murder in his eyes that Akim took a step backward, feeling the danger awaiting him.

“Devlin!” I called his name even before he could make a drastic move.

It was just my instinct. Na dapat ko s’yang pigilan bago pa s’ya makakilos. Kasi sa palagay ko, hindi ko na s’ya mapipigilan kung sakali. I think he could move so fast that my eyes wouldn’t be able to follow his movements.

He was clenching his fist so hard that the veins on his arm were so visible. Parang nagagalit din ang mga ugat n’ya. So, I was really sure that he was mad, or even furious, right now.

“Yeliz?”

I saw Irina walking towards us. She was smiling at me, but when she shifted her gaze to the two men, her face was etched with confusion. Maybe he noticed the threatening air around them, no, just around Devlin dahil mukhang natakot na si Akim.

“Irina!” I smiled at her. She had no idea how grateful I was for her presence right now.

Bumalik ang ngiti sa mga labi n’ya nang tingnan ulit ako at lumapit na sa ’kin.

“Good work. Thank you so much for doing this shoot for me. I’m sure all the photos will turn out great.”

“Spasibo, chto priglasil i menya,” I said, thanking her for inviting me as well. “It is truly an honor to be able to model your creations.”

“I’ll certainly invite you to be my model for my next fashion show. Of course, if you still don’t have any commitments by that time.”

“I’m looking forward to it!”

When she chuckled, I suddenly wondered if the rumors I’d been hearing about her were true. That she already has a boyfriend. Ilang taon na rin ang rumors na ’yon, I think she was dating at that time even before she started her career. I’ve even seen that man with her, but still, she never confirmed or denied those rumors. I think she just wanted to keep her relationship private.

“Anyway, we have dinner for an after-party later with everyone, and you should be there. You must.”

Napangiti ako.

“Is there any way I can say ‘no?’” biro ko kahit alam ko na sa sarili kong pupunta pa rin ako.

“You must be there! It is alright if you leave the dinner early, but please pity us with your angelic presence, okay?”

Natawa na talaga ako.

“You’re exaggerating my existence.” I smiled. “But I will.”

“Good!” She looked very happy with that. Pareho n’ya kaming tiningnan ni Akim. “Then I’ll see you both later.”

I looked at Devlin. He looked like he was in a very bad mood. Although he wasn’t wearing any expressions on his face, the air around him seemed so… heavy. Sa tingin ko nga ay napansiniyon ni Irina. Usually, she would also greet Devlin, but right now, she was being cautious.

“Then, I’ll go and take a rest first,” I said even before Devlin could completely ruin the mood.

“Alright.”

“I’ll see you later, Yeliz!” I heard Akim say, but I just ignored him. Mukhang hindi yata nakakaramdam talaga ang lalaking ’yon.

God… I was tired and Akim even acted like that. Hinding-hindi ko matatagalan ang lalaking ’yon. I just hope that this will be the last time we work together.

Naglakad na ako paalis. Devlin put the shawl on me without saying a word. Napatigil pa ako para titigan s’ya pero hindi talaga s’ya nagsalita. I took a deep breath and just continued walking.

Hanggang sa makabalik kami sa cottage ay tahimik pa rin si Devlin. I sat down, resting my feet for a while, and just watched him quietly gather my things before we could head back to my room.

There was nothing on his face. Not even an ounce of emotion kaya hindi ko alam kung ano’ng nasa isip n’ya. But he was mad. I could feel it. Parang nasanay na yata akong alamin kung ano’ng nararamdaman n’ya by just observing him. Maybe because he was always around.

And I didn’t know why it was starting to piss me off. I hated him like this. I hated this silence. Mas gusto ko pa iyong nagsasalita s’ya even if he often gets on my nerves. Parang gusto ko pa kapag nabubwisit ako sa kanya. Hindi ganitong tahimik lang s’ya pero halata naman ang galit.

“ Ty na menya zlish’sya? “ I asked if he was mad at me when I couldn’t take the silence anymore.

“No,” sabi n’ya pero hindi man lang tumingin sa ’kin. Tahimik lang na isinisilid ang mga gamit sa duffel bag.

I frowned. Naiinis na talaga ’ko.

“Well, that’s not what I think! I believe you’re upset at me!”

Now I think I know why he would often get on my nerves. Whenever he acted this way, whenever I could see any expression on his face, naiinis ako. Especially when he was acting indifferently. Na para bang isa akong batang pinapagalitan n’ya. That I was just a kid, and he needed to look out for me as I always get in trouble.

But I am not! I have an image to maintain! Of course, palagi kong iniiwasan ang trouble kahit pa malapit nang maubos ang pasensya ko! Kaya nga inis na inis ako sa kanya kapag tintrato n’ya akong ganoon!

To think that I even thought we could get along now just because he told me he would teach me Tagalog words. Now, I feel so stupid for thinking that way. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung bakit ko pa naisip ko.

He was just my bodyguard. And his job was the most important to him.

I heard Devlin sigh. Napatigil s’ya sa pag-aayos ng gamit. Nakatalikod s’ya sa ’kin kaya hindi ko makita ang mukha n’ya. But based on that heavy sigh, feeling ko tuloy, nauubusan na s’ya ng pasensya sa ’kin.

Well, the feeling is mutual!

He even put his hand on his waist. The other hand touched his face as if he was pinching the bridge of his nose before sighing again. At ewan ko ba kung bakit mas lalo akong nairita ro’n!“

I was about to lash out at him when he turned around and faced me. Napatulala na lang ako sa kanya when he got down on one knee so our gaze would level and hold out his hand.

“Let me see it.”

I blinked.

“Huh?” What would he like to see?

“Your arm,” he said, noticing my confusion. “Let me see it.”

Dahil lito pa rin ay dalawang braso ko ang ibinigay ko sa kanya. The shawl that was on my shoulders fell down with my movements, revealing the full view of my two-piece bikini in front of him. I was fine wearing this earlier pero ngayong nasa harapan ko si Devlin at nakaluhod pa, I didn’t know why I felt goosebumps all over my body.

Nakita ko pa ngang natigilan s’ya at napatitig sa katawan ko. He then looked at me. Our gazes locked. I took a deep breath when I saw something… feral in his eyes, making me feel all tingly inside. Then he gulped before looking down on my arms.

I slowly released the breath I didn’t know I was holding. Hinawakan n’ya ang mga kamay ko. His touch was light but I wasn’t prepared for the sensation I felt from his touch. Magaan lang ang hawak n’ya pero ramdam na ramdam ko ang init ng mga palad n’ya.

Holy… shit.

He stared at my arms. Binaliktad n’ya pa iyon para makita ang ilalim as if he was checking for something. He let go of my right hand and touched my left arm.

“Is this where he touched you?”

Napakurap ako.

“Huh?”

He looked at me again.

“That bastard… He hurt you earlier.”

Napatitig pa ako sa kanya, wondering what he was talking about. And then I remembered what Akim did.

“Oh, uhm… Y-yes.” Why the hell am I stammering? Parang kanina lang ay nagagalit pa ’ko sa kanya. “It didn’t really hurt me. My skin just turned red when I yanked my arm too forcefully from his grip.”

Devlin stared at me for a while before looking down at my arm.

“Hmm.”

He touched that part where Akim gripped me earlier. His touch was still light even when his thumb softly caressed my skin. I had to bite my lower lip when I felt ticklish with his light touch. Nakikiliti kasi ako. And it was also making me feel something. I found it hard to breathe when he continued caressing my arm.

My heart was beating so loudly in my chest. I looked at Devlin to check if he could hear it, but he was too focused on my arm. His forehead even creased a bit.

“Dev… Devlin,” I whispered his name.

He looked at me. His eyes were so dark, but I stared back at him. I think right now, I was willing to go into that void where I couldn’t see anything but darkness. But I was so sure I would be able to feel him.

His gaze went down my lips, and I unconsciously wet them with my tongue. Nakita kong mas lalong bumigat ang titig n’ya. The look in his eyes turned predatory, and the way he was caressing my skin became… sensual.

Napalunok ako dahil naramdaman kong nanunuyo ang lalamunan ko. Ramdam ko ang pag-iinit ng paligid kahit na malamig na ang hangin dahil tuluyan nang bumaba ang araw. Nahihirapan na talaga akong huminga so I parted my lips a bit to breathe through my mouth.

I noticed his jaw clenched. He stared at my lips, and I could really feel his heavy gaze. Pero kumurap s’ya at muling ibinaba ang tingin sa braso ko.

“Ty uveren, chto eto ne bol’no?” he asked if it didn’t really hurt.

I blinked. I cleared my throat and tried to calm myself.

“Yeah…” I said like a whisper.

He mumbled something. Masyadong mahina iyon para marinig ko kaya napakunot-noo ako. I think it was Russian, and I should be able to understand it as it was the language I was most used to pero hindi ko talaga naintindihan ang sinabi n’ya.

“What was that?”

He looked at me. Wala na ang mga nakita ko sa mga mata n’ya kanina.

“Nothing.”

It didn’t look like it was nothing but I nodded anyway. Napatitig ulit ako sa kanya.

“Devlin?”

“Hmm?”

I protruded my lower lip. Nakita kong bumaba ulit ang tingin n’ya sa mga labi ko and I couldn’t take what he was making me feel kaya mabilis akong nagsalita.

“I thought we were going to talk in Tagalog.”

“What?” He looked like he wasn’t expecting that.

“I thought we were going to talk in Tagalog. Why are we still conversing in English and Russian?”

May ilang sandali s’yang nanatiling nakatingin s’ya before I noticed his lips twitched as if he was about to smirk. Pero hindi natuloy. Masyado s’yang madamot magpakita ng expression sa mukha n’ya.

“Sabi mo nga,” he said. “Pero nauna kang magsalita ng Russian.”

Napaisip ako. Ako ba talaga ang nauna?

“Pero… sana kinausap mo pa rin ako in Tagalog. Nag-pangako ka.”

“Nangako,” he corrected.

“Nangako ka.”

He pursed his lips. Parang nangingiti. And I noticed there was a faint indentation on his left cheek, and I was so sure it was a dimple. I bet mas lalalim iyon kapag ngumiti na talaga s’ya!

Oh, no… I really want to see it.

“Pwede ka nang kumain?”

“Ha? Ah, yes—I mean, oo.” I smiled. “Pero light meal lang. Baka sumakit ’yung tyan ko kapag nabigla.”

He nodded.

“Okay… Ano’ng gusto mong kainin?”

Wow… he’s so good at speaking Tagalog!

“Uhm… can you…” I grimaced. Napatakip ako sa mukha ko. I tried hard to think of the Tagalog word. “I’m so bad at this.”

He chuckled. Ang sarap lang sa pandinig.

“It’s alright. We can take this slow.”

“Vegetable shake,” I said. “Pwedeng… pwedeng pa-prepare?”

He nodded. It was so obvious that he was trying hard not to smile.

“Okay… Dito ka lang ba o sa room mo na?”

“Sa room ko na lang. Need kong mag-rest kasi may after-party dinner kami later with the team.” I looked helplessly at him. “Ano’ng Tagalog no’n?”

“Kailangan kong magpahinga kasi may salo-salo kami mamaya kasama ang grupo,” he translated.

Natawa ako. I was having so much fun with our conversation.

“Kailangan kong magpahinga kasi may salo-salo kami mamaya kasama ang grupo,” ulit ko.

He bit his lower lip before wetting his lips with his tongue. Napatitig pa ako sa ginawa n’ya. There was a soft look in his eyes when he finally stood.

“Ihahatid na kita sa kwarto mo. Hintayin mo ako do’n.”

I was smiling widely this time. Tumayo ako na malaki pa rin ang ngiti sa mga labi ko.

“Okay.”

Chapter 9

The vegetable shake that Devlin gave me actually tasted so good. I did wonder if he was the one who prepared it for me since that was what I asked him to do or if he asked the hotel’s kitchen for one. But that thought didn’t linger in my mind long, as it sounded ridiculous.

Devlin would not, right? I mean, it was Arty who usually prepared these things for me. Pero hindi ko na naisip iyon kanina at si Devlin na lang ang nasabihan ko. Maybe I got too caught up with our conversation as I did have fun talking with him earlier.

Pwede pala kaming mag-usap nang hindi ako naiirita sa kanya.

“This is really good.” I sipped the drink. “This is a pumpkin smoothie, right?”

I looked at Devlin. I was sitting on the sofa, all prepared to go for the after-party dinner that was prepared for the whole team. I freshened up while he was getting me a smoothie to save time.

Devlin was standing in front of me. Kailangan ko pa talaga tuloy tumingala para mas makita ang mukha n’ya. He was so tall that even standing up, I had to crane my neck to look at him.

Hindi s’ya nagsalita. Bahagyang nakataas ang mga kilay na parang may hinihintay. I frowned at him.

“What?” Then I remembered I was supposed to speak in Tagalog with him. “Oh.”

He chuckled. I tucked some strands of my hair behind my ears while trying to think kung anong Tagalog ng sinabi ko kanina. Pero nakalimutan ko na kung ano’ng Tagalog ng pumpkin.

“Can you let it go this time? I forgot kung anong Tagalog ng pumpkin. Pero susubukan ko to speak Tagalog. Hindi ko pa lkang kaya ng… full-blown.”

“Alright. I’ll do the same if that’s what makes you comfortable.” I could see that he was trying hard not to show any emotion on his face pero parang gustong mangiti naman. “Kalabasa ang Tagalog ng pumpkin.”

“Oh…” I made a mental note.

“Iyan ang nakita kong mas magugustuhan mo,” he said. “So, that’s what I prepared.”

My eyes widened.

“Are you kidding me? You prepared this yourself?” Napatingin pa ako sa baso ng smoothie na hawak ko. “Buti pinayagan ka sa kitchen?”

“Well… it’s for you.”

I waited for him to elaborate on that. Pero nawala sa isip kong hindi nga pala s’ya talkative. Inisip ko na lang na since alam ng hotel that I’d have a photoshoot today kaya pinayagan nila si Devlin na makialam sa kitchen.

I checked kung gaano pa karami ang drink ko. I didn’t want to get full since this was my first meal ever after… a day and a half. Baka mabigla ang tyan ko. And I still have to attend that dinner, so for sure, kakain pa rin ako mamaya.

“Ubusin mo ’yan.”

I scowled at him. Did he just read my mind?

“Ayokong mabusog.”

“Finish that up, Yelizaveta.”

My scowl deepened. I was about to retaliate, but Devlin looked so serious and intimidating—even more intimidating than before—that I felt all my hair stand up on my body. He looked at me like I was being disrespectful and disobedient, and it would just make his mood worse if I talked back to him. And it wouldn’t be good for me dahil may gagawin s’yang hindi maganda kapag sumagot pa ako sa kanya.

So, I just continued sipping my drink. I heard Devlin make a humming sound in the back of his throat. As if he was satisfied that I was following what he wanted. That I understood what he wanted and quietly obeyed him.

Normally, I would get really annoyed because he was being arrogant when he was just my bodyguard. But… I couldn’t really explain how I knew that this was the safest choice, to surrender to him.

Nang maubos ko na ang inumin ay nagpunta na kami sa restobar na nasa loob din ng resort for the dinner party. Arty called me, asking me where I was, as they were already there. Nandoon na silang lahat at ako na lang ang hinihintay. I glared at Devlin instinctively when I heard that.

“Nando’n na silang lahat!” I said after I dropped the call.

“Tara na,” balewala n’yang sabi.

“Ako na lang daw hinihintay! I’m going to be late because inubos ko pa ’yung drink.”

“Let them wait, Yelizaveta. Mas impoertanteng maubos mo ’yung inumin. Hindi naman aalis ’yung restaurant.”

I rolled my eyes. He didn’t get my point! Pero hinayaan ko na lang. Mas mali-late lang ako kung makikipagtalo pa ako sa kanya.

We went to the restobar. I was wearing a baby blue sundress that reached my knees. The straps were thin na kailangan pang itali sa mga balikat ko. Devlin was wearing a linen shirt and beach shorts. I told him to button up his shirt before we headed out. Tinaasan n’ya ako ng kilay pero tahimik namang sinunod ang gusto ko.

I just didn’t like the thought of women ogling his body. Restobar pa naman ’yon. There would be many drunk people around.

“I’ll just be here,” sabi ni Devlin at tinuro ang isang table just a few tables away from where the team was.

“Huh? Hindi ka uupo there?” I pointed at our table.

“No. I’m not part of the team. Mas mababantayan din kitang mabuti kapag dito ako naupo.”

My forehead creased. I was sure he could see my confusion as he chuckled.

“I could watch you here more perfectly.”

Ayoko sana. I wanted him to share a table with us. Sa tingin ko naman ay ayos lang dinsa team kung nandoon si Devlin. They knew that he’s my bodyguard.

But then, I remembered that Akim was kinda hostile towards him. Tapos si Arty pa na sure akong kukunin na naman ang opportunity to recruit Devlin to be one of his talents. It might make him uncomfortable, and maybe he wanted to do his job without any hindrance.

Oo ng apala. Importante sa kanya ang trabaho n’ya.

So I just nodded and went to our table. The team even cheered when I approached them, which made my face heat up. Nakakahiya dahil napatingin sa ’min ang ibang nandoon.

“Finally! The star is here!” I heard the photographer say.

Nahihiya akong ngumiti. My seat was beside Akim, which I didn’t mind as we were both the models in that photoshoot. Tumayo pa nga s’ya para ipaghigit ako ng upuan.

“Thank you,” I said and sat down.

“Anything for my partner.” Akim winked at me.

I forced myself to smile at him. It was Arty who called for the server and told me that it was Irina’s treat. I ordered food, iyong hindi nakakabusog. Sinamahan ko na rin ng lady drinks dahil wala naman talaga akong planong magpakalasing ngayon.

“Not planning on getting drunk, eh?” sabi ni Akim nang matapos akong makapa-order. “C’mon! This is a celebration.” And he proceeded to order a pina colada for me.

I almost rolled my eyes as if I wasn’t reminded that there were people around because of the loud music. Damn it. He was really getting on my nerves. Naiinis na ’ko.

“Where’s your bodyguard?” tanong ni Arty na katabi ko rin. I turned my attention to him, as Akim was being an asshole. Pero alam kong narinig n’ya ang tinanong ni Arty.

“There.” Itinuro ko ang table kung nasaan si Devlin. I saw him drinking something, which I was sure was alcoholic.

Akala ko ba gusto n’yang magawa ng maayos ang trabaho n’ya? Is he planning to get drunk?

He raised his glass when he noticed that we were looking at him. I heard Arty giggle pero itinaas din ang baso to greet him back.

Irina thanked everyone for a job well done. She expressed how she was excited to launch this collection dahil ngayon pa lang, alam na n’yang maganda ang kalalabasa ng shoot namin. Ilang puri rin ang natanggap ko. For a while, all the attention was on me, telling me that I was easy to work with and that they were already looking forward to working with me again.

Sinabi rin nila ang madalas kong naririnig. That I was so beautiful they couldn’t believe how angelic and kind I was. Ang ganda-ganda ko raw sa camera but more so in person. They even asked me if I already have someone and for some reason, napatingin ako kay Devlin nang tanungin nila iyon.

“No…” nangingiti kong sabi. “There’s no one.”

“So, I have a chance!” Akim exclaimed na ikinatawa ng mga nandoon. Maybe they were thinking that he wasn’t being serious and was just going with the flow. But I was starting to feel uncomfortable sa mga sinasabi n’ya.

It was then that I just noticed his arm was draped on the backrest of my chair. I straightened up, careful na hindi mapadikit ang balat ko sa kanya. Medyo exposed pa naman ang shoulders ko dahil sa suot ko.

“Arty told us that you won’t be accepting any projects after this,” Irina said.

Napatango ako.

“Yeah… my final exam is coming up. I have to focus on my studies. And… I want to rest just for a while first.”

“Oh, right. It must be hard to study and work at the same time. It’s a good thing that you know how to manage your time,” the photographer said.

I chuckled.

“Tell me about it.”

“I heard you needed to skip your class last Friday for this shoot,” sabi ng isa. “Will you be alright?”

I nodded.

“My professor said she’d email me about what they covered in the last lesson. I’ll just have to self-study it.”

“That’s good! Well, it’ll be good to focus on your studies first. The modeling industry will just be here for you. Of course, we wouldn’t want to lose such a great model.”

The topic shifted. Tahimik lang akong kumain, listening to their conversation. Gusto ko na sanang bumalik sa room ko at magpahinga. Today was a very tiring day. But this would be our last night here, as most of us decided to head back tomorrow.

Maybe I’ll go after I finish my food. Irina told me that I could leave naman basta magpakita lang ako ngayong gabi.

I looked at my food. Hmm… I should’ve ordered iyong mabilis maubos.

“Try this, Yeliz.”

I looked at Akim. He pointed at the pina colada that I didn’t ask him to order for me. Kanina ko pa kasi iyon hindi pinapansin. I didn’t have any plans to drink it.

“It’s okay… I have my own drink.”

“C’mon! Let’s have fun!”

I took a deep breath. I could smell the alcohol in his breath. Masyado na s’yang malapit. Napatingin tuloy ako kay Devlin, wondering if he would interrupt, as I was so sure that he didn’t like Akim. But what I saw really pissed me off.

He wasn’t alone at his table anymore. May kausap na s’yang babae, only wearing her bikini top and short skirt, flaunting her big boobs at him. Napasimangot ako. I think my face crumpled with so much annoyance na nakalimutan kong may makakakita sa ’kin.

“What’s wrong?” Akim probably saw my expression. Napatingin s’ya sa tinitingnan ko at tumawa. “Whoa! Your bodyguard will probably have some fun tonight!”

I gritted my teeth. What did he say earlier? He wanted to sit there so he could watch me properly? Hah! What an obvious lie! Now I know the real reason why he didn’t want to share a table with us! So he could flirt properly!

“See? Your bodyguard is also having fun. You have to keep up with fun as well, Yeliz!” Akim said. Mas inilapit pa sa ’kin ang inumin.

I was throwing daggers at the two. It was obvious that the girl was flirting with Devlin! Si Devlin naman, hindi pa pinapaalis ’yung babae! He was just listening to whatever she was saying!

And to make my annoyance boil to the maximum level, she even caressed his arm!

Sa sobrang inis ko, kinuha ko ang inumin na inaabot sa ’kin ni Akim. I drank it up straight which made Akim laugh. The drink was sweet but I was aware of its alcohol content.

I didn’t care anymore if I got drunk. I needed this. Baka hindi ko pa mapigilan ang sarili ko at magwala sa sobrang inis na nararamdaman ko ngayon.

How dare he flirt when he was supposed to guard me? Talagang nagdahilan pa s’ya para lang makalayo sa ’min at makipag-flirt sa kung sinumang babaeng ’yon!

I really fucking hate him.

Halos maubos ko na ang drink nang bitiwan ko iyon. I immediately felt dizzy because of the strobe lights and the loud music. Parang umiikot pa nga ang paningin ko.

“Oh, no…” I muttered.

“I didn’t know you’re a hard drinker. You look tamed but you’re hiding something inside you, huh?”

Akim was whispering something. Naramdaman ko pa nga ang mga labi n’ya sa tenga ko. And maybe, maybe I felt his hand on my shoulders. Parang nakaakbay na rin s’ya sa ’kin.

“You’re really my kind of girl.” He chuckled in my ears.

“Let go…” I said but it was lacking of conviction. I was really dizzy. Umiikot na talaga ang paningin ko. I couldn’t see properly anymore. My words were already slurring.

What the hell? I was so sure na hindi ako ganitong malalasing over a pina colada. Maybe… maybe dahil hindi ako busog? Or that I already drink something like this after not eating for a day and a half.

I felt Akim’s hand caress my arm. I tried to get it off me pero nanghihina ako.

“Let’s go to my room,” he whispered.

I shook my head. “No.” I wasn’t sure if he could hear it. Masyadong mahina ang pagkakasabi ko.

He tried to help me stand up pero mas lalo lang akong nahilo. I didn’t know what happened. I must’ve blacked out after that as I felt my feet were not on the ground anymore. Para pa nga akong dinuduyan.

What is it? What’s happening?

I think I smelled something. A familiar scent. But I was busy with what was happening around me.

Are we still at the restobar? Wala na kasi ’yung maingay na music.

Damn it. I couldn’t even open my eyes. I was really dizzy.

Sa tingin ko ay may bumuhat sa ’kin. I was inside someone’s arms, carrying me. I panicked when I thought that it was Akim.

I tried to move but my body felt so tired it wasn’t listening to me. No…

Devlin… Where are you?

“Dev… lin…”

Hindi ko alam kung ano’ng nangyari pagkatapos no’n. I think I blacked out again, as I felt like I was lying on the bed. Malambot ang kama sa likuran ko. Pero hilong-hilo pa rin ako na kahit idilat ko ang mga mata ko ay umiikot ang paligid so I just closed my eyes again.

I felt something caressing my face. Parang inaalis ang ilang hibla sa mukha ko. And then proceeded to softly caress my cheeks.

“Hmm…” I couldn’t help it. It was good.

I heard a chuckle. May mabangong amoy na nanuot sa ilong ko. A scent that felt familiar to me.

“You’re such a very bad girl, do you know that?”

I felt something caressing my cheeks. Nakakakiliti. I think it was his hair.

“I want to punish you so you will learn your lesson.”

I could smell his breath. Mabango. I wanted to smell more of him so I turned my head to the side as it seemed like he was whispering directly to my ear. I could even feel his warm breath on my skin.

He said something. But my movement made me feel dizzy again. I couldn’t understand his words at iilang salita na lang ang nakuha ko.

“But… not now…” he said. “Not yet.”

I felt a warm and soft thing touch my exposed shoulder. Hindi ko alam kung ano ’yon. But it felt good that I made a sound in the back of my throat. A moan. I was moaning.

A chuckle. He said something again but I was too dizzy to comprehend it.

Ah… I think I would fall asleep now.

That soft and warm thing touched my neck this time. I took a sharp breath. The sensation was too much.

“You like that?”

I moaned.

I heard another chuckle.

I felt a hand caressing my cheek. I leaned my face. Pero bumaba ang haplos sa mga labi ko. My lips parted with his movement.

“I want to fuck this mouth. I wonder how you’ll look with your lips wrapped around my cock. Will you cry?”

He chuckled. It sounded like a lullaby.

Shit… Makakatulog na talaga ako.

“I can’t wait to fuck you, Yelizaveta…”

It was the last thing I heard. I wasn’t even sure if I heard that right, but I drifted to sleep. I slept that night drunk, hot, and bothered.

Chapter 10

That dream was the start of dreams I never thought I would ever have. I wasn’t even sure if the first was indeed a dream, as everything was blurry and didn’t make sense. I mean, I knew it was Devlin, that familiar scent was already etched in my mind that one sniff and every cell in my body would be able to recognize that it was from him. But I just couldn’t think that he would say those words. It just didn’t sit right with me.

But I remember the morning after that. It felt awkward, and I didn’t know what to feel at first. If it is the throbbing in my head, the awkwardness, or my irritation. I was so pissed at Devlin that I even blamed him for getting drunk. He couldn’t keep an eye on me properly because he was so busy flirting with some woman! And I remembered that Akim had his hands all over me before I passed out!

Although I was sure that nothing happened, I was back in my room and wearing the same dress. Wala rin naman akong naramdamang kakaiba sa katawan ko after. Pero inis na inis pa rin ako kay Devlin.

I didn’t talk to him on the ride home. Tahimik lang din naman s’ya. Feeling ko nga ay galit pa s’ya. Well, I was so pissed at him too, and… probably was so awkward and hangover kaya nakatulong sa akin ang katahimikang ’yon.

But I didn’t get my peace after that. Lalo na sa pagtulog ko. I started to have… immoral dreams at night. And to make matters worse, those dreams involved Devlin, my bodyguard.

Those dreams were too… lewd. It was so erotic that it corrupted my mind. I was intimate with Devlin in those dreams. He was touching me, kissing me, and touching every part of my body. He was whispering dirty things at me while doing those things.

I could remember how I begged him not to stop touching me. It was… hot and good. My body was trembling with his touch. And he would chuckle when he got reactions from me, like moaning when I felt really good.

We were both naked in my dream. But because it was a dream, everything was blurry. Hindi ko makita nang maayos ang katawan n’ya. I wanted to see it clearly. But I couldn’t.

And when I would wake up from those dreams, I felt so hot and bothered. Ramdam ko ang panunuyo ng lalamunan ko. I felt that part between my legs throbbing… and wet.

I was having wet dreams about my bodyguard.

Of course, mas lalong nadagdagan ang awkwardness ko kay Devlin dahil doon that my irritation I felt for him just vanished in the thin air. I couldn’t look him in the eye anymore, and I was avoiding having a conversation with him.

“Tapos na ang klase mo?” Devlin asked me one time when I went out of the classroom. How many days has it been since I started avoiding him?

“Yes,” I said without looking at him. Nagpanggap akong may hinahanap sa bag ko at nilagpasan na s’ya.

Holy shit… how could I act normally around him again? Parang mas gusto ko pa kapag naiinis ako dahil sa kanya. I couldn’t take this awkwardness.

Although I knew Devlin didn’t have any idea of the dreams I was having, still, naiilang pa rin talaga ako. Especially when our gazes met. Naaalala ko ang scene sa panaginip ko. And when would I hear his voice? I would be reminded of those impure, dirty words he was saying to me.

I hate this.

I felt a hand grip my arm. Naramdaman ko ang paghila sa ’kin pagilid sa hallway habang naglalakad ako. I looked to see who it was and was surprised when I saw that Devlin was a few inches away from me. Matiim s’yang nakatitig sa ’kin.

“You should look where you’re going.”

I blinked. Napatingin ako sa hallway at nalamang muntik na pala akong mabangga ng kung sino kanina dahil hindi ako nakatingin sa dinaraanan ko.

I took a deep breath, which was a freaking mistake, as my nose filled with his fresh scent. Ang bango-bango n’ya talaga. And I had this urge to just bury my face in his chest and sniff him all day.

I looked away and pulled my arm away from him. Mabilis din akong nagbigay ng distansya sa pagitan namin. I don’t trust myself anymore. Baka kung ano pang magawa ko.

I saw Miss Popova catch up with us. Napasimangot pa nga ako nang kausapin n’ya si Devlin. I mean, I was her student. Ano’ng need n’yang sabihin kay Devlin when he was just my bodyguard?

Sa inis ko ay nagsimula ulit akong maglakad. Ramdam ko naman agad ang pagsunod sa ’kin ni Devlin. I didn’t know kung maayos s’yang nagpaalam kay Miss Popova. Wala na akong pakialam.

Kahit sa byahe ay tahimik ako. I just pretended to read my notes so he wouldn’t talk to me. It was a good thing that my final exam was coming up so I would have this excuse that I needed to really concentrate on my studies kaya hindi ako nakikipag-usap sa kanya.

But I was really aware of him sitting in the passenger seat. Kung minsan, namamalayan ko na lang na nakatitig na ako sa kanya. On the back of his head. And sniffing his scent, which invaded the whole car.

I wonder how it would feel if Devlin really touched me. I wonder how his touch would feel. I wonder how soft and warm his lips would be on my skin. I wonder what vulgar words he would be telling me while touching me.

My face blushed, and I looked at my notes again. I crossed my legs tightly, as I was having that weird feeling again.

“Are you reading new Tagalog stories?” Devlin asked when he opened the car door for me when we reached the mansion.

“What?” I got out of the car.

“Kapag may hindi ka maintindihan, you can ask me.”

He was staring hard at me. Hindi ko kayang tagalan ang titig n’ya kaya mabilis akong nag-iwas ng tingin.

“No. I need to study. I don’t think I’ll be reading stories anytime soon.” Mabilis akong pumasok sa bahay pagkatapos noon.

I went to my room quickly. Gusto kong makalayo kaagad kay Devlin. Kung ano-ano kasing pumapasok sa isip ko. Ibinagsak ko agad ang katawan ko sa kasama and stared at the ceiling, thinking of the only person I was trying so hard to avoid.

But… Devlin really looked good today. No, not just today. Every freaking day. Parang mas lalo s’yang gumagwapo sa paningin. And his scent? I think I was getting addicted to it. Hindi naman s’ya nagpalit ng pabango. Or is he even wearing perfume? It smelled so natural, so him. Manly and fresh. Cool and mysterious.

I think… I am attracted to him. I have a desire for Devlin. A desire for my bodyguard that I needed to hide.

I didn’t know what to do. I wish Rio was here. I couldn’t even call him. Maybe kapag nakausap ko s’ya, mawawala ’tong nararamdam ko. He’s the man I like, and yet I was having these feelings for Devlin.

Arty called me that night.Mabuti na lang. Ayoko kasing matulog. I was worried of having those dreams again at mas lumala pa ang nararamdaman ko para kay Devlin. Palagay ko nga ay hindi ko na kayang kontrolin ’yon.

“How are you, sweetheart?” Arty asked.

I was already wearing my nighties, ready to sleep. Pero nakaupo pa rin ako sa kama at nakasandal sa headboard. Ayoko pang matulog.

“I’m okay.” Napatingin pa ako sa pitsel ng tubig na nasa bedside table ko. I was sure I would need it when I woke up. “I’m busy reviewing for my final exam.”

“That’s good.” May narinig akong kakaiba sa tono ng boses n’ya.

I frowned.

“You’re not calling me to tell me that you’re giving me another project, are you? You promised me time to rest, Arty!”

“No! No, of course not! I just want to check on you after what happened at the resort.”

Mas lalo akong nagtaka dahil doon. It had been more than a week since the photo shoot pero ngayon n’ya lang ako kinamusta about it.

“Why?” I asked. “Is there something wrong?”

Matagal bago ulit nagsalita si Arty.

“You don’t remember what happened at the dinner?”

My frown deepened.

“I got drunk, right?”

“Yeah… Good thing you have a reliable bodyguard.”

Si Devlin?

“Did something happen?”

I heard him take a deep breath.

“Nothing bad, really. Thank you to your bodyguard for taking action quickly. He took you before Akim could leave the table and take you to his room.”

I rolled my eyes.

“I remember passing out when I drank the drink he gave me.” Hindi ko na nga namalayan ang paglapit ni Devlin.

“It turned out that Akim spiked your drink.”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko.

“What?” Kaya naman pala ang bilis kong nahilo no’n! I even blacked out! “That fucking asshole!”

Arty was silent for a while.

“Am I right to assume that you’re alone right now?”

“Yeah. I was about to go to sleep.”

“Right. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be cursing like that.” He took another deep breath. “Anyway, none of us knew what Akim did. Your bodyguard just talked to me about it after he took you to your room.”

I groaned! Shit! That bastard, Akim! How dare he do that to me? He just couldn’t take a ‘no!’ Dahil patuloy ko s’yang tinanggihan kaya n’ya ginawa iyon para makuha ako!

“I wanna fucking beat that bastard!”

I heard Arty giggle.

“He got so beaten up that he even got hospitalized. I don’t know who did it, but I think we both have an idea.”

Natigilan ako. Hindi ko alam kung ano’ng uunahing isipin. Akim got beaten up to the point that he was hospitalized? I knew Devlin didn’t like him, but… did he really do that to Akim?

“And… have you heard the news that Akim quit modeling?”

“What?” I was so surprised that my eyes widened.

“Yes! He quitted so suddenly.” Natawa pa si Arty. “That’s a good thing though. Who knows who else he may have victimized, right?”

Wala sa sarili akong napatango. It wasn’t like it concerned me, but… I was just so surprised. Wala akong kaalam-alam sa nangyari. Devlin didn’t say anything to me.

“Anyway, you should thank your bodyguard. He was smart to take this matter into his own hands. He knew it wouldn’t do you any good if it got publicized. The reporters would flock to you, and there might even be some people who would twist the story, which may ruin your reputation. Besides, your final exam is coming up. You need to focus on your studies.”

Ilang sandali pa kaming nag-usap bago natapos ang tawag. Pero hindi kaagad ako natulog. I don’t think I could even sleep after what I’ve heard.

I couldn’t believe that happened. Hindi ko alam! Wala talagang sinabi sa ’kin si Devlin! He was quiet the morning after that!

Oh! That was why he looked so mad! No. I was sure by now that he was really mad at that time. Kung sa akin ay hindi ko alam. Maybe he was so mad at me that I let Akim drug me.

Malay ko ba? That freaking son of a bitch drugged me in front of many people! In front of those people with whom we just worked! Ang kapal talaga ng mukha! Ang lakas ng loob!

And yet I got mad at him and didn’t even talk to him. Nainis lang kasi ako na may kausap s’yang babae noon when he was supposed to guard and protect me.

But he did protect me. He took action bago pa nga makaalis si Akim sa table kasama ako according to Arty. He was so fast to notice that something wasn’t right. And he was even considerate not to let it be known and keep it a secret. Kay Arty n’ya lang sinabi so my manager would be aware. Otherwise, magulo na siguro ang buhay ko ngayon. The image that I worked so hard for would have been shattered if he hadn’t done that.

And yet I repaid him with rudeness when I should have been taking him.

I took a deep breath and made a decision. Hindi ko na dapat ipagpabukas ko. Baka mahiya lang ako. Baka kung ano pang maisip ko na naman and I would lose the timing. This is the right time to thank him.

I stood up and wore my silk robe para matakpan ang manipis na pantulog ko. I contemplated a bit before I decided to bring a book. Gagawin ko lang excuse in case na mahiya akong kausapin s’ya sa una. He might be surprised if I went to his room so suddenly.

His room was on the first floor. Among all of the bodyguards, s’ya lang ang may sariling room sa loob mismo ng mansion. He is my bodyguard, and he needed to get to me fast in case something happened while I was in my room.

Tahimik ang buong bahay nang paglabas ko. The hallway was dark, as everyone was already sleeping. Gabing-gabi na rin kasi. I think it was already past midnight. Kahit nang bumaba ako nang malaking hagdan ay madilim at walang kahit anong maririnig. The silence was almost deafening. But because I grew up here kaya kabisado ko na and daan.

Devlin’s room was the last room on the right. Ilang hakbang lang din naman ang lalakarin pagliko ko. I walked through that dim, short hallway. My grip on the book tightened, and I wondered how I would start talking to him.

Ano bang magandang ibungad? Good evening? Good morning? Sorry for disturbing you this late at night when everyone is sleeping?

Wait. What if he’s already sleeping?

Napatigil tuloy ako sa paglalakad. I was already in front of his room.

It might be rude to disturb him if he’s already sleeping. Should I go back? Pero baka kasi mawala na ang lakas ng loob ko kinabukasan. Nakakahiya pa naman kapag naaalala ko kung paano ako nagalit sa kanya the morning after at iniwasan ko pa talaga s’ya!

“Yelizaveta…”

Natigilan ako. That was Devlin’s voice. I’m sure of it. That raspy and deep voice sounded even more alluring as he was whispering.

“Yeliza—” There was a groan.

It was coming from inside his room. Napatitig tuloy ako sa pinto. The door was slightly ajar kaya siguro naririnig ko ang boses n’ya kahit halos bulong na lang iyon.

Did he know that I was here?

I heard another groan as if he was in pain. I didn’t know why my heart started beating fast. Nanlamig ang mga kamay ko sa sobrang kaba. Dahan-dahan kong binuksan ang pinto para silipin kung ano’ng nangyayari sa loob. He was calling my name.

I took a peek inside. His room was dim, almost dark if it weren’t for the moonlight coming through the window. Dumagdag pa sa kadiliman ang black interiors ng kwarto n’ya.

But I saw Devlin, sitting on the edge of his bed. At first, I wasn’t sure what he was doing. Pero nang tumino sa ’kin kung ano’ng nakikita ko ay halos mapasinghap ako kung hindi ko lang mabilis na natakpan ang bibig ko gamit ang kamay kong walang hawak na libro. I even almost dropped the book!

Devlin was… so naked. He wasn’t wearing anything, and I finally had the image of his body that was just a blur in my dreams. The contours of his body got even more defined as the moonlight cast a shadow on them. What I was seeing right now was so erotic, but I knew this time I wasn’t dreaming. It was real.

Devlin was touching himself. He was facing the door kaya kitang-kita ko s’ya. His muscular thighs were spread, and he was gripping the thing between them. It couldn’t even fit his hand, as it was big and long.

He was moving his hand up and down, gripping his cock tight while his eyes were closed. Nakatingala s’ya habang patuloy sa mabilis na paggalaw ang kamay n’ya. His Adam’s apple moved with his every gulp and groan. His other hand was on the bed, supporting his weight, and I could even see it gripping the sheets tightly.

The sight was… too lewd. I knew what he was doing. Hindi naman ako ganoong ka-inosente. I watched porn and saw actors doing the same thing as what Devlin was doing right now.

But nothing, none of them make me feel so hot like what Devlin made me feel right now. My knees started trembling. Unti-unti na ring bumibigat ang paghinga ko. Humigpit ang kapit ko sa libro. And I felt a sensation from my stomach that went down the part between my thighs.

I would never know that a man touching himself would look this… sexy and hot.

“Yelizaveta…” I heard him groan my name. “Fuck!”

My throat dried up. Napalunok ako. I could feel myself getting wet. Mas lalo nan ang makita kong bumibilis ang galaw ng kamay ni Devlin.

Shit. Shit. Shit!

I tore my eyes away. Mabilis akong naglakad palayo. Halos tumakbo na ako papunta sa kwarto ko. I almost slammed my door when I went inside my room.

I was panting when I got inside. Nanghihina akong napasandal sa nakasaradong pinto. My knees were trembling so much that now the adrenaline had left me, my strength had left my body, and I slumped on the floor.

Nabitiwan ko ang libro at napatikip ng dalawang kamay sa dibdib ko. I remembered what I just saw. Devlin’s naked body. His enormous cock. And him touching himself while saying my name.

I bit my lower lip and closed my thighs tightly. I covered my face with both of my hands.

Shit, Devlin… What the hell was that?

Chapter 11

I think it’s safe to say that I was about to flunk my exam because of what I saw. I couldn’t get it out of my mind. Kahit anong pilit ang gawin ko, no matter how hard I tried to think of other things, bumabalik pa rin sa gabing ’yon ang isip ko.

I tried to get myself busy. I focused on reviewing my notes, and I even tried to read the books that Rio gave me just for my mind to get occupied, but for some reason, that scene found its way back to my mind.

And now that I was staring at the test paper in front of me as we were having our final exam, parang gusto ko na lang maiyak. I couldn’t remember anything about our lesson! Those preparations that I did so I would get a high score would be useless as my mind was thinking of something so different that it wasn’t even connected to our lesson!

I bit my lower lip. Naiiyak na talaga ako. I didn’t like this. Wala talagang pumapasok sa isip ko except Devlin and what he was doing that night! Hindi pa nakatulong that the very man who was occupying my mind right now while I was having my final exam was just outside my room and probably watching me as I could feel his heavy gaze!

Is this some kind of torture? Why am I being like this? I just couldn’t get Devlin out of my mind!

Though, in my defense, I think anyone would be acting like I was right now if they saw their bodyguard jerking off while saying their name.

I almost groan out loud. Naalala ko na naman! And for some strange reason, I would feel very hot and thirsty whenever I remembered how he looked that night.

I saw his body naked. Alam kong maganda ang katawan ni Devlin. He was working out after all. And I already had a glimpse of his body at the beach back then. Pero iba pa rin ang makita s’yang walang kahit anong suot na damit.

His body was really ripped and muscular. Mahihiya ang mga co-models kong lalaki sa katawan n’ya. Walang-wala kasi sila sa tangkad at ganda ng katawan ni Devlin.

And his cock… Goodness. It was… really long and thick and huge. As in huge! Hindi pa nga kayang hawakan ng kamay n’ya.

I crossed my legs. Damn it. I want to see it again.

His body. I meant his body.

I sighed. Hirap na hirap na nga kong panindigan ang mabait kong image, then Devlin had to corrupt my mind!

“Times up! Finish or not, pass your papers to the front.”

I heard groans and pleas from my blockmates when Miss Popova said that. Tahimik lang akong napatingin sa test paper ko. Natapos ko naman but I wasn’t confident with my answers as my mind was elsewhere while I was answering. Ganoon din sa iba ko pang test. May mga naisagot naman ako but I couldn’t help getting worried.

Inayos ko na ang mga gamit ko. That was our last exam. After nito ay kailangan na lang naming asikasuhin ang mga needed requirement for the next few days. Then, if we passed the semester, we would be graduating students na.

“Good work, Yeliz!” sabi ni Miss Popova nang ilagay ko sa table ang test paper ko.

“Thank you, miss.”

“I’m sure you’ll pass your exam with flying colors.”

I tried to chuckle.

“I certainly hope so.”

Bahagya s’yang lumapit sa ’kin at mahina ang boses nang magsalita.

“This is just between the two of us, but you’re my favorite student.” She smiled at me. “I’m going to miss you, Yeliz.”

That really warmed my heart. Hindi ko tuloy maiwasan ang mapangiti nang malawak.

“Thank you for everything, Miss Popova.”

Nagpaalam na ako at naglakad palabas ng room. Pero halos mapatigil ako nang maalala kung sino nga pala ang nag-aabang sa ’kin sa labas. For a moment, I was thinking of just escaping from him, but I knew it would be useless and stupid.

I took a deep breath. Itinuloy ko na ang paglabas ng room, but I almost cursed out loud when our gazes met. Ganoon pa rin s’ya tumingin sa ’kin. Mariin. Na para bang gusto n’ya akong ikulong sa mga titig n’ya.

“Are you done?” he asked. Mabilis akong nag-iwas ng tingin nang marinig ang malalim at halos paos n’yang boses.

Freaking shit! I just remembered him moaning my name while he was… Fuck! Why did he even have to call my name while doing that?

I cleared my throat.

“I’ll… I’ll just go to the restroom.”

Hindi ko na hinintay ang sagot n’ya. Pero agad ding napatigil sa paglalakad nang sumunod s’ya sa ’kin.

“Stay here, please. I’ll be quick.” I almost begged him.

He just stared at me. He didn’t like that. Pero hindi naman kasi kalayuan ’yung restroom. It was just at the end of the hallway. Besides, I need time to prepare myself before I am in his presence!

Iniwasan ko si Devlin after that pero mahirap as he was always around me. So, I had no choice but to prepare myself every time na makakasama ko s’ya para hindi n’ya mahalata ang awkwardness ko.

Pero maya-maya ay tumango rin s’ya.

“Be quick, Yelizaveta.”

I almost groan. The way he said my name made me remember how he moaned it!

Mabilis akong naglakad paalis before he could even change his mind. At bago pa kung saan na naman mapunta ang isip ko.

I didn’t need to use any of the stalls. I just really need time. Humarap ako sa salamin para tingnan ang sarili ko.

I fixed my face. Sinubukan kong ipitin sa likod ng tenga ko ang buhok ko. Then I just undid it. Why am I trying to look good? Not to brag, but I know I already looked beautiful. Pero may parte kasi sa ’king gusto pang mas magpaganda sa isiping makakasama ko si Devlin.

“You’re being stupid, Yeliz,” I said to my reflection.

I stayed inside the restroom for five minutes more before I decided to head out. Halos wala nang tao sa floor na ’yon. Uwian na rin and the students wanted a break after having a two-day final examination. I started to walk and frown when I saw the hallway empty.

Where did Devlin go?

I looked back to check if he followed me to the restroom pero wala na ring tao roon. I was alone in the hallway. Itinuloy ko na lang ang paglalakad.

Maybe he was already downstairs? But no… Devlin wouldn’t leave me alone here.

I reached our classroom and saw Devlin inside. Bahagya s’yang nakatalikod sa pintuan so he couldn’t see me, but I could still make out his side profile. I was about to call him so we could go home when I noticed that he wasn’t alone.

Miss Popova was also inside the room. But there was something strange going on. They were so close together. My Popova even had her body pressed against Devlin. Her big boobs were pressing his abdomen as Devlin was taller than her. She was even caressing his arm in a sensual way.

For a moment, I just stood there. My mind failed to process what was happening.

Why are they so close together? Why is my professor touching my bodyguard differently? Why’s Devlin only standing there? Hindi n’ya rin sinubukang lumayo!

Did he like my professor? But just a while ago, he wasn’t even paying attention to her. Kung hindi ko pa nga s’ya sinabihang batiin pabalik si Miss Popova, hindi n’ya gagawin.

Then why isn’t he pushing her away?

And Miss Popova… why is she doing that to my bodyguard? Did she like him?

Suddenly, memories of her always greeting Devlin came into my mind. I now understand kung bakit tuwing uwian ay kinakausap n’ya ako kaya nahuhuli ako sa paglabas ng room. Sasabay s’ya sa paglabas sa ’kin at pareho kaming lalapit kay Devlin. And she would always greet him. Walang palya kahit noong una ay hindi s’ya pinapansin ng bodyguard ko.

Is that why she said earlier that I was her favorite student? Because she likes Devlin?

I saw her move. She was now caressing Devlin’s face.

“Why don’t you ditch your job and be with me today? I’m sure the kid can take care of herself,” she said.

I frowned. Kid? Is she talking about me? I am not a kid!

Tumingkayad pa si Miss Popova para makabulong sa tenga ni Devlin.

“I’ll be a better companion. I can warm your bed tonight.”

Miss Popova giggled when she lost her balance dahil sa sobrang tangkad ni Devlin kumpara sa kanya. She pressed her body even more to him. Inisip ko tuloy na sinadya n’ya ’yon.

Devlin didn’t say anything. But Miss Popova gave him a seductive smile. Umangat ang mga braso n’ya at ipinulupot ’yon sa balikat ni Devlin. She tiptoed again, grabbed the back of his head, and moved her face closer to his. Ilang sandali pa akong nakatayo lang doon, waiting for my bodyguard to pull away, but until their faces were only an inch closer, Devlin still didn’t do anything.

I looked away before I could even see them kissing. I wouldn’t want to see my professor and my bodyguard doing that! Sa sobrang sama ng loob ko, tumakbo na ako pababa ng building na ’yon.

I was so livid. I’ve never felt this mad in my entire life. Nag-iinit ang dibdib ko. I wanted to kick something. I wanted to hurt someone. I wanted to destroy everything.

Nanlalabo ang paningin ko habang pababa ako ng hagdan. I bit my lower lip to stop myself from sobbing. I felt so hurt, and I couldn’t understand why. Maybe because I feel so betrayed right now. By my professor.

By Devlin.

He was supposed to protect me! To guard me! But what is he doing flirting with my professor? Back in that resort as well. He was flirting with someone when he was supposed to guard me!

What if something happened to me while I was in the restroom earlier tapos busy s’yang makipaglandian sa professor ko? How would he be able to save me when he was enjoying Miss Popova’s shenanigans?

“I really fucking hate him.”

Hindi ako dumiretso sa parking lot kung nasaan ang kotse at ang driver na maghahatid sana sa ’min pauwi. I didn’t want to be with Devlin. I didn’t want to know that he wouldn’t be going home with me dahil mas pinili n’yang Samahan ang professor ko.

I thought his job was important to him. Pero hindi ganoon ang nakikita ko! He was using his job to flirt with women!

I went out of the university gate. Nakakita ako ng cab na nakaparada, waiting for the passenger. Mabilis akong pumasok sa loob and I told the driver my address.

Tahimik lang ako habang nasa daan ang cab. I was trying so hard not to cry. I didn’t want to cry over this. Ayokong umiyak dahil sa malanding bodyguard ko.

Should I tell my father to get me a new bodyguard and fire Devlin? I didn’t want to be with him anymore.

But then, mawawalan naman ng trabaho si Devlin. He might need money; that was why he had this job. Alam kong mataas ang sahod ng pagiging personal bodyguard ko compared sa ibang bodyguards that my father hired.

What if Devlin is the breadwinner of their family? Paano kung marami pala s’yang kapatid and his parents were really sick, which was why he needed to work for their everyday food and expenses and to send his siblings to school.

Bigla tuloy akong tinamaan ng konsensya. Alright. Maybe I’ll tell my father to keep him as Aslanov’s bodyguard. Pero hindi na s’ya ang magiging personal bodyguard ko. Ayoko na talaga s’yang makasama.

Come to think of it, I knew nothing about Devlin Antonovich Alexeev. Just the fact that it was Rio who brought him to our family.

I noticed the cab stopped. Napatingin ako sa paligid. I frowned when I noticed that we hadn’t reached my address yet.

Pero mas ikinagulat ko ang pagbukas ng backseat door at ang pagsakay ng isang lalaki.

“What the…” Nanlalaki ang mga mata kong nakatangin sa lalaking tumabi sa ’kin. “Hey, I hired this cab!”

The man beside me chuckled. He smirked at me. Right then, I knew that I was in trouble. I had this feeling that this man didn’t wish me any good.

“We finally got the Aslanov’s princess.” He tsked. “Damn. I couldn’t believe we finally got this opportunity after waiting for so many fucking years.”

Mas lalo akong kinabahan. They knew who I was. I didn’t know who they were, but I got the feeling they were my father’s enemies.

I had never been in danger. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. I tried to stay calm pero hindi nakatulong ang kung anong mga scenes na pumapasok sa isip ko.

Will they kill me? Will this be my last day on Earth? Will I be able to see my father again?

I tried to reach for the door’s handle and open it, but it was locked. Mas lalo akong kinabahan nang tumawa ang driver.

“You won’t go anywhere.”

I sobbed. I was already trembling. I didn’t know what they wanted from me. Pero ayoko pang mamatay.

“Please… don’t hurt me. Let me go.”

“Oh, don’t worry, princess… We won’t hurt you.”

Napatingin ako sa lalaking katabi ko.

“You won’t?”

He smiled.

“Yes. Our boss told us to bring you to him unharmed.”

Should I believe them? But they don’t look trustworthy. Their eyes had this… strange look in them.

Mas isiniksik ko pang sarili ko sa pintuan, creating more distance away from the man. Sinubukan ko ulit buksan ang pinto pero naka-lock talaga.

“Oh, come on.” The man looked pissed now. “The thing I hate the most are people who don’t know how to stay still.”

My body was trembling so much now. Malakas na rin ang tibok ng puso ko. I was really scared, but I didn’t want to die here.

Right… Shit, I have my phone.

I reached inside my bag to take out my phone pero marahas iyong hinablot ng lalaki mula sa ’kin. Natapon ang mga gamit sa loob ng bag ko and my phone fell on the floor. Nakita rin iyon ng lalaki. I looked at him, and before he could move, I leaped to try to reach for my phone.

“This fucking bitch.”

He grabbed the hair on the back of my head and pulled me. Napasigaw ako sa sakit.

“You should’ve stayed still when I was being nice to you!” He slapped me hard on the cheeks.

I cried. It hurts so fucking much. Nobody ever slapped me before kaya hindi ko napaghandaanang sakit na naramdaman ko.

I sobbed. It was really painful. Parang namaga yata ang pisngi ko.

“Hey! Our boss ordered us not to hurt the woman!” the driver said.

“This is a slight scratched. He can still marry this bitch and even fuck her. No worries.”

Mas lalo akong kinabahan dahil doon. I didn’t know what to do, and I just wanted to get out of there kaya inisip ko na lang na gawin ang lahat ng magagawa ko to get out of the situation.

I screamed for help.

“Help!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. “Help me!”

“Fucking— Shut up!”

The man who was holding me pushed me so hard that my head bumped on the door. Halos mahilo ako dahil doon and for a moment, I was disoriented that my body went limp.

He pulled my legs until I was lying down on the car seat. I tried to fight him off, but he put his weight on top of me and covered my mouth with his hand. Masyadong madiin ang pagkakatakip n’ya sa bibig ko. His fingers dug into my skin.

“Shut the fuck up, bitch! Or you will fucking regret it if you pissed me off more than this!”

I heard the driver remind him again not to hurt me. Pero parang hindi iyon narinigng lalaking nasa ibabaw ko. Tears fell down my eyes at hindi ko na napigilan ang mga hikbing kumawala sa lalamunan ko.

“That’s right. Be a good princess, okay?” Hinaplos n’ya pa ang pisngi ko. I turned my face away from him but he just chuckled. “If only my boss isn’t planning on marrying you, I would fuck you here right now.”

I whimpered in fear. Mas lalo akong naiyak dahil doon. Nagsimula ulit akong manlaban pero hinablot ulit ng lalaki ang buhok ko at malakas na hinampas ang ulo ko sa upuan. The seat wasn’t that soft so I got dizzy with the force.

“Do you know how long we waited to get our hands on you? Your bodyguard was so good at his job that we only got the chance now!”

Bodyguard… Devlin.

I sobbed when I remembered him.

I shouldn’t have run away from him. Sana hindi ko na s’ya iniwasan. Hindi sana mangyayari sa ’kin ’to.

I cried even more with all the regret flooding into me. All I could think of was Devlin. I wanted to be with him. I should’ve spent more time with him.

He was so good at his job. He was always protecting me, guarding me, and watching over me. He protected me away from the dangers as my father had a lot of enemies because we were a mafia family.

Wala na akong pakialam kung trabaho lang ang tingin n’ya sa ’kin. I just want to be with him right now. The only person I knew would protect me and who could save me.

Devlin… help me.

The car made a sudden stop and the man on top of me almost fell off. Narinig ko ang ilang pagmumura n’ya bago hinampas ang driver’s seat.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?! Don’t you know how to drive properly?”

The driver didn’t say anything. He was staying still. But I saw his hand move, pointing to something outside. Nakita ko pa ang sobrang panginginig ng kamay n’ya. The expression on his face looked as if he had just seen a ghost.

“T-that…”

Nang tingnan ng lalaking nasa ibabawko ang itinuturo ng driver ay mas napamura pa s’ya. I could even feel him panicking.

“Step on the gas.”

“W-what?”

“Step on the gas and drive fucking faster if you want us all to live!”

The driver did what he said. Nakita ko ang pagkakataranta ng lalaking nasa ibabaw ko. He was reaching for something behind him but I heard gunshots from somewhere and the cab went to a full stop.

“Shit!”

I didn’t know what was happening. Pati ako ay natataranta na rin. Mas nadagdagan na rin ang kaba ko.

“Do something!” I the driver said.

But before any of them could do something, I saw the door on the driver’s side open. The driver yelped in fear pero mas natuon ang atensyon ko sa lalaking sumilip sa loob ng kotse.

I saw Devlin, and our eyes immediately met. The relief I felt as soon as I saw him, knowing that I was now safe, came crashing down on me, and I cried so hard.

His eyes turned to the man who was on top of me. He already had a stern expression on his face, pero kakaiba ang nakikita ko ngayon sa mukha n’ya. He looked murderous. As if he was a ticking time bomb that was about to blow up and commit genocide. Masyadong madilim at nakakatakot ang nakita ko sa mga mata n’ya that I even felt scared. He even clenched his teeth so hard that his jaw moved.

He then looked at me again. I almost flinched at how harsh he looked.

“Close your eyes, Yelizaveta.”

Hindi ko alam pero mabilis kong sinunod ang sinabi n’ya. I knew that was the right thing to do.

Not even a second after I closed my eyes. I heard loud and deafening gunshots.

Chapter 12

There were two gunshots. I was so sure that Devlin shot the man on top of me as I heard him scream in pain. Naramdaman ko pa ang paggalaw n’ya na parang namimilipit s’ya sa sakit and that made him lean his weight more on me. I whimpered in pain. Hindi ako makahinga dahil masyadong mabigat ang lalaki at naglulumikot pa dahil sa sakit. Narinig ko pa ang malulutong na mura ni Devlin before I heard another car’s door open, and finally, the man’s weight got lifted off me.

“Don’t open your eyes until I come back, Yelizaveta.”

I nodded. I was scared shitless. I wanted to get out of here. But I did what Devlin said. He knew what exactly to do. And knowing that he was finally here to take care of things for me helped me to be at least not scared anymore. I trust him. He would get me out of here.

Nakarinig ulit ako ng pagsarado ng pinto. The inside of the car was so quiet, and I kind of had the feeling I was alone. Pero hindi pa rin ako gumalaw o bumangon man lang. I remained lying on the seat with my eyes closed.

The sounds from outside were muffled. But I think there is someone talking. Pero napalitan iyon ng sigaw. A scream of pain. And then there were thuds and grunts. A sob escaped from my lips, kaya itinakip ko ang mga kamay ko sa bibig ko.

I’m safe now. Devlin was just outside, taking care of those men. I knew he could do it. He’s strong.

But, please… I want him to be safe too.

I didn’t know how long those sounds went on until I heard gunshots again. Tahimik akong napaiyak nang wala na akong marinig pagkatapos noon.

What happened? Is Devlin okay? Please, let him be safe.

A moment after that, the car door opened again. Iyong sa may ulunan ko. I flinched, but I didn’t move. I didn’t want to move, thinking that it was Devlin who opened it.

There was silence before I heard movements. I felt a soft touch on my forehead, caressing gently down to my cheeks.

“Love…”

Mabilis akong napabangon nang marinig ang boses na ’yon. I saw Devlin crouching down kaya naman mabilis na nagtama ang paningin namin. And I wasn’t prepared for the emotions I saw in his eyes.

I saw worry and relief in his eyes. I couldn’t believe I would be able to see those emotions clearly on his face. He always had a stoic face on. Parang walang pakialam sa lahat as if he just wanted to do well with his job. But now, there were so many emotions showing on his face.

Even the gentleness that I saw in his eyes as he looked at me was nothing that I could compare to. I even started to doubt if the gentleness that Rio had shown me was true now that I was looking at Devlin. Kasi ibang-iba iyon sa ibinibigay sa akin ni Develin ngayon.

There was no doubt that this gentleness was true, as if his eyes were telling me that he really cared for me.

Naramdaman ko ang pagtutubig ng mga mata ko. Parang bigla ay gusto kong maiyak habang nakatitig sa kanya. I wanted to hug him. I was sure that I was safe now. And I felt so much relief knowing that he was safe too.

Pero nakita kong bumaba ang tingin n’ya sa kaliwang pisngi ko. The emotions I just saw quickly vanished from his face. Napalitan iyon ng matinding galit. He was expressing so much rage that it made me nervous. I started to wonder if what I saw earlier was real and if I wasn’t just hallucinating, as his eyes looked very dark now. He even clenched his jaw hard. As if he was ready to kill anyone right now.

Why? Is he mad at me? Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko kung galit nga s’ya sa ’kin. He just saved me, so I felt dependent on him. Ayoko s’yang magalit sa ’kin.

I wanted him to touch me. I wanted him to hug me and tell me that I was really safe now.

But he didn’t know anything about that. He just looked at me. His eyes were murderous. Parang mas gugustuhinko nang makitang walang reaction ang mukha n’ya kaysa sa magalit s’ya sa ’kin.

“Let’s go,” he said. I could even hear the anger in his voice.

I just nodded. He helped me get up, but he was still acting cold. Iniwasan ko ang tingin n’ya at wala sa sariling napalingon sa paligid.

But Devlin was quick to hold my shoulders, so I couldn’t see what was just behind the car. Iniharang n’ya pa ang katawan n’ya sa paningin ko.

“I said let’s go.” His tone was hard, as if he was on the verge of releasing his anger. Kaya tumango na lang ulit ako at sumakay sa kotseng ginamit n’ya. It was our family’s car that I was using kapag pumapasok ako sa university.

The ride was so quiet that it felt uncomfortable. It was obvious that Devlin was really mad. He was gripping the wheel so tight that his knuckles turned white. Kahit ang mga ugat sa kamay at braso n’ya ay nagpapakita na parang nagagalit din.

I looked down and played with my fingers. I wanted to thank him, but it wasn’t the right time. I was afraid that he would lash out at me if I said something.

Napatingin ako sa kanya nang itinabi n’ya ang kotse sa gilid ng kalsada kung saan halos walang dumaraan. I just noticed that the sun had already gone down. Devlin went out of the door and almost slammed the door closed, which made me flinch.

Sinundan ko s’ya ng tingin, wondering where he would go or what he would do. Nakita ko s’yang naglakad ilang hakbang sa unahan ng kotse. He then stopped. He had his back facing me, but I could tell that he was still mad. I saw him taking a few deep breaths while his hands were on his hips. Ilang beses n’ya ring pinasadahan ng daliri ang buhok n’ya. It was clear that something was frustrating him.

I got out of the car as well, but I didn’t go near him.

“Dev… Devlin?”

My voice was soft, as I was really nervous right now. But I guess the wind carried my voice as Devlin turned around. Napapitlag ako nang makita ang galit sa mga mata n’ya nang mabilis s’yang maglakad palapit sa ’kin.

“Why in the fucking hell did you do that, Yelizaveta?!”

I flinched. Halos mapaatras pa ako.

“W-what?”

“What the fuck are you thinking about running off like that and putting yourself in danger? Hindi ka ba nag-iisip?!”

My eyes watered. I didn’t know how to act when he was like this. Galit na galit talaga s’ya. Nobody had ever scolded me like this, so I didn’t know what to do. Wala ring kahit sino ang nagalit sa ’kin ng ganito.

“Why are you getting mad at me?”

“Anong gusto mo? Matuwa ako sa ginawa mo? You told me that you were just going to the restroom, and the next thing I knew, you got yourself kidnapped by those fucking bastards!”

My tears fell, but I quickly wiped them away. I was angry at him. Hindi ko akalaing pagagalitan n’ya pa ako ngayon when I was in danger just a minute ago. He couldn’t even be gentle with his words.

I glared at him. Alam kong hindi ko dapat sabayan ang galit n’ya but I couldn’t help it. He was just so cruel.

“What’s the use of being mad at me now? I’m safe, right? You saved me.”

Mukhang mas nagalit lang doon si Devlin. Nagsalubong ang mga kilay n’ya.

“What the fuck did you say?”

“I’m safe now! I’m still alive! Hindi mo na kailangan pang magalit sa ’kin.”

For a moment, I thought that he would explode out of rage. I thought that he wouldn’t be able to keep his anger to himself anymore. He was glaring at me as if he wanted to murder someone. Bahagya pa nga akong napaatras sa sobrang galit na nakikita ko sa kanya ngayon.

But then, that anger vanished. Nawalan ng emosyon ang mukha n’ya but I could see in his eyes that he wasn’t thinking of something good. His eyes turned a shade darker while staring at me.

“So, you didn’t know what you did wrong, huh?” He sounded so calm, but I could hear the warning bells inside my head.

“W-what?”

“I see you haven’t learned your lesson.”

He stared at me for a while. My heart was beating so loudly in my chest. I was scared. I was nervous. May pakiramdam akong may hindi magandang mangyayari ngayon.

Maybe I was more in danger with Devlin right now.

I tried to brace myself, but nothing could prepare me when I saw anger in Devlin’s eyes again and what he did next. Marahas n’yang hinablot ang braso ko at naglakad papuntang backseat ng kotse. He opened the door and pushed me so hard that I stumbled inside.

“What the hell!”

Pero nawala rin kaagad ang galit ko nang pumasok din s’ya sa loob at isinarado nang malakas ang pinto ng kotse. He sat down and grabbed my arm again, and I stumbled forward across his lap. My upper body was lying on his lap as they were spread apart. Nakadapa ako sa mga hita n’ya. My legs were on the seat.

I tried to get off him as it was uncomfortable, but he put his hand on my back and pushed me down. Napahawak ako sa pinto ng kotse to support myself while my other hand was leaning on the seat.

“What are you doing?” I started to panic.

“Punishing you.”

“What?” Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang maramdamang inangat n’ya ang skirt ng dress ko. I was wearing a thong, so I was so freaking sure that he got a full view of my butt cheeks right now! “Devlin!”

I gasped when I felt his big hand slap my butt cheeks. It stings! Rinig ko pa ang tunog ng ginawa n’ya. It was painful, but more than that, I feel so embarrassed right now.

“Devlin, stop!”

There was another slap and I gasped out loud. I bit my lower lip when I felt the sting again. Malakas ang pagkakapalo n’ya at napahigpit ang hawak ko sa pinto ng kotse.

He was spanking me! I couldn’t believe he would do something so humiliating like this to me!

“They said that bad girls deserved to be punished,” he said. “You’ve been behaving badly lately, Yelizaveta.”

Another slapped. Muli akong malakas na napasinghap. My heart was beating so loud in my chest. My eyes watered and I was biting my lips so hard. There was something inside me I was starting to feel that I couldn’t name what it was.

Devlin slapped my butt cheeks again. I whimpered in pain. Sinubukan kong takpan ang bibig ko pero nang muli n’ya akong paluin, another whimper came out from the back of my throat.

There was something I felt on my stomach. That feeling went down from between my legs. Mariin akong napapikit, scared of what it was. Scared at how I was starting to feel differently with his every slap against my butt cheeks.

It felt humiliating but I was so scared that I was starting to like it.

“Ty dolzhna usvoit’ urok, lyubov’ moya.”

You have to learn your lesson, my love.

That did it. So, when he spanked me again, a whimper mixed with another sound came out of my lips.

I just moaned. I freaking moaned!

Napatungo ako. I was silently wishing that Devlin hadn’t heard it. It was so embarrassing being spanked by him and moaning from it. Pero ramdam ko ang pagkakatigil n’ya. And then his soft chuckle.

“Do you want me to keep going?” he even asked! Because he fucking knew I was starting to enjoy it!

Hindi ko na napigilan ang pagtutubig ng mga mata ko. I feel really embarrassed right now.

I sobbed. I felt Devlin stiffen, realizing that I was crying.

“Why are you being like this? Ako nga dapat ang nagagalit sa ’yo! I saw you with my professor!”

Sinubukan kong umalis sa kandungan n’ya but before I could sit beside him, Devlin shifted my position and made me sit on his lap, straddling him. He did it so easily, as if my weight was just nothing to him and didn’t bother him.

But I was so upset that I didn’t mind our position. Sa tingin ko ay mas nakakahiya ang ginawa n’ya sa ’kin kanina.

“What do you mean?” he asked. He was so tall that even with this position, halos magkatapat lang ang mga mukha namin so there was no way of escaping his gaze right now.

Sinimangutan ko s’ya.

“You were supposed to guard me, but you chose to flirt with my professor instead!”

Devlin stared at me. I could see confusion in his eyes.

“I don’t get what you’re trying to say.”

Mas lalo lang akong nagalit doon. How dare he say that?! Is he trying to deny what I saw?

“You were flirting with Miss Popova earlier! Don’t even fucking try to deny it because I clearly saw you!” I burst out. “Even back at the resort! Akim got to spike my drinks because you weren’t paying attention to me and were so busy flirting with some random girl!”

I sobbed. Galit nag alit ako that I was crying right now. I couldn’t control my emotions. Siguro ay naghalo-halo na rin sa ’kin ang lahat. The anger I felt at Devlin, the fear I felt earlier when those men took me, the relief when Devlin came to rescue me, and the embarrassment because of what he had done earlier.

“Why are you such a flirt? Why did you kiss my professor? Why won’t you guard me properly?!” I sobbed. “Your attention was supposed to be on me! Only me! Your attention was supposed to be all mine!”

Patuloy lang ako sap ag-iyak. I didn’t mean to say all of that. But I can’t really manage my emotions right now. Galit ako sa kanya. And maybe, I was mad at myself too.

I heard Devlin take a deep breath. He gently placed his hands on my waist, caressing that part to soothe me, trying to calm me down.

“I apologize. It was my fault that you got in danger.”

“I know, right?” Pinunasan ko ang mga luha sa mukha ko. “Pero bakit mo ’ko pinapagalitan? Why are you even mad at me?”

“I wasn’t mad at you. I was mad at myself.” He stared hard at me. “I failed to protect you.”

“Because you were kissing Miss Popova!”

His forehead was lightly creased. Parang hindi alam kung ano’ng sinasabi ko.“

“Who’s that?”

What the hell?

“My professor!”

“I didn’t kiss her.”

I blinked. “What?”

“I didn’t kiss her,” ulit pa n’ya.

Devlin helped me wipe my tears away. His touch was so gentle that I finally got to calm down.

“Liar. I saw earlier.”

“Hmm? You saw me kissing her?” Sinilip pa n’ya ang mukha ko.

I looked away from him. I couldn’t take the look in his eyes. But Devlin touched my chin and made me look back at him.

“Well?”

Napalunok ako.

“No. Pero hindi ka naman lumayo. Mukhang gustong-gusto mo pa nga s’yang nakadikit sa ’yo.”

“You told me not to be rude to her.”

I glared at him.

“So kasalanan ko pa?”

Devlin pursed his lips. Then he wet his lips with his tongue. Napatingin pa ako sa mamula-mula n’yang mga labi.

“I was trying to protect your grades. You told me you were working hard to get high grades. Isa pa, katatapos lang ng final exam n’yo.”

Natigilan ako. He has a point, though. Naalala kong sinabihan ko pa s’yang ’wag maging rude kay Miss Popova dahil baka gantihan ako sa grades. And earlier, he might’ve done that to protect my exam scores.

Pero masama pa rin talaga ang loob ko sa nakita ko.

“You didn’t really kiss her?”

“I really did not.”

“Totoo?”

“I swear on your life that I did not kiss her.”

Napasinghap ako. Bumalik na naman ang inis ko.

“Why are you swearing on my life? It was supposed to be on your life!”

“Because your life and your safety are more important than mine. Than anything else.” Masuyo n’yang hinaplos ang pisngi ko. “You are the most important to me, Yelizaveta.”

Napatitig ako sa kanya. I didn’t have to question if he was telling the truth, as I saw sincerity in his eyes. Minsan lang s’yang magpakita ng emosyon, and right now, he was showing me what he really felt and that he really did mean those words.

“So, please… don’t make me worry again. I wouldn’t be able to take it,” he said. “Just stay by my side where I can see you… where I can watch and protect you.”

His touch went down my neck. It felt so good. Titig na titig din s’ya sa ’kin na para bang wala nang importante sa mga oras na ’yon kundi ako lang.

So, I nodded. I saw relief in him when his lips lightly stretched in a soft smile. Nakita ko na naman ang bahagyang paglubog sa kaliwang pisngi n’ya. I wonder when I will be able to see his dimples fully.

“Why didn’t you kiss Miss Popova?” I asked out of curiosity. “She was obviously offering herself to you.”

“Why would I kiss her?” tanong pa n’yang parang wala lang talaga ang sinabi ko. As if he didn’t even think of it.

“You don’t like her?”

“I don’t.”

“But she’s beautiful! And a lot of my blockmates like her!”

He raised an eyebrow at me. “And?”

Ayan na naman s’ya sa and-and n’ya.

“And… and she has big boobs!”

Itinapat ko pa ang mga kamay ko sa dibdib ko. Bahayang nakalayo iyon and I moved my fingers as if I was groping a bigger breast than mine, squeezing them both.

Devlin chuckled. Mukhang hindi na napigilan at ibinaon pa ang mukha sa leeg ko while he was still chuckling. I felt ticklish, but I liked the feeling of his face on my neck. Napangiti na rin tuloy ako.

“I don’t care about her tits. I don’t even care about her at all,” he said. I could feel the movement of his lips against my skin, making me feel something.

“Really?” nagdududa ko pang tanong.

I just don’t get it. Pinagkakaguluhan kasi ng mga lalaki kong blockmates si Miss Popova. Lalo na ang malaki n’yang boobs. And I knew that they weren’t the only ones in that university thinking of Miss Popova that way.

Humiwalay sa ’kin si Devlin. When he looked at me, there was a wicked glint in his eyes.

“Well… it wasn’t her name that I was moaning when I was jacking off that night, right?”

At first, his words didn’t register in my mind immediately. Pero nang makita ko ang tingin sa mga mata n’ya, I finally understood what he meant. My face heated up so much that I was so sure I was red as a tomato!

“W-what the hell a-are you talking about?!” Why the fuck did I stutter?!

Devlin’s lips curled into a smirk.

“I knew you were watching that night.”

“I did n-not!” Fuck!

He tilted his head to the side.

“Did you like what you have watched, Yelizaveta?”

“I didn’t watch! I only looked! Umalis din ako kaagad!”

The moment I said that, I knew what I had done wrong. Lalo na nang makita ko ang pagngisi ni Devlin. Napangiwi ako at mariing napapikit.

Busted! He knew I was watching him that night! How did he even know that? I was so quiet! Plus, madilim pa ang paligid! I was so sure he didn’t see me!

And if he already knew that I was watching, why didn’t he stop? When exactly did he know that I was there? Because, as far as I could remember, he was moaning my name repeatedly until I ran out of there.

Remembering that night made me feel something again. Hindi pa nakatulong na nakaupo ako sa lap ni Devlin. I could feel his strong body against mine. And his warmth. His warmth was what I wanted to feel.

Napatingin ako sa button-up shirt n’ya. Just behind those clothes was his muscular body. Hanggang ngayon ay malinaw pa rin sa isip ko ang nakita ko.

And… the part where I was sitting right now, that very part that was pressing against my crotch… I knew exactly what it was.

I bit my lower lip. My breath started to speed up. I was wishing that Devlin wouldn’t hear how fast my heart was beating right now.

Devlin caressed my neck. Habang ang isa n’yang kamay ay humahaplos sa bewang ko. His touch would extend on my back, making me arch my body, and pressing my hips more onto him bago n’ya ibabalik ang kamay sa bewang ko.

I was starting to feel hot. Napakapit pa ako sa mga balikat n’ya. I could feel the bulge inside his pants that was pressing against that part between my legs. Hindi ko na napigilang mapakagat sa lower lip ko.

“It’s you that I like, Yelizaveta… It is you that I want.”

Mula sa leeg ko ay umangat ang kamay n’ya papuntang pisngi ko. I saw him close the distance between our faces.

“It is you that I want to kiss.”

Napalunok ako. His thumb gently caressed my lips, making me release my lower lip from my teeth. I looked at him and saw me staring hard at my lips. Something carnal passed his eyes, making it look darker. As if he was hungry for something, and food was just served right in front of him.

Umangat ang tingin n’ya sa mga mata ko. I saw lust in his dark eyes.

“Kiss me, Yelizaveta.”

My heart pounded so hard inside my chest. Nag-iinit na talaga ang pakiramdam ko. I was breathing hard right now. Hindi pa nakatulong na matiim s’yang nakatitg sa ’kin, parang ayaw na akong lubayan ng tingin.

But then, I looked away. I felt conscious of how I looked right now.

“I look like a mess,” I said.

I remembered that man gripping my hair kaya alam kong magulo ang buhok ko. And I got slapped too, so I was so sure na namamaga ang pisngi ko.

But Devlin really knew how to make me feel good. Hinaplos n’ya ang pisngi ko. Marahan. I looked back at him, and I saw that the look in his eyes didn’t even change. He still wanted to devour something.

He still wanted to devour me.

“You’re still gorgeous in my eyes, no matter what.”

And to prove that, he softly kissed my swollen cheek. Napapitlag ako nang maramdaman ang mga labi n’ya sa balat ko. Natigilan s’ya.

“Does it hurt?” he asked. I felt his lips moving against my skin.

I shook my head. Nauubusan na yata ako ng hangin dahil nahihirapan na talaga akong huminga.

“I just got startled by your stubbles.” Nakakakiliti kasi.

He chuckled, and then he softly kissed my cheek again.

“Kiss me, Yelizaveta.”

I looked at him. Sobrang lapit g mukha n’ya. I could already feel his fresh and minty breath, which made me feel dizzy. Para akong nakalutang.

With that, I closed the distance between our faces. Mabilis ko s’yang hinalikan sa mga labi. Namumula ang mukha ko nang humiwalay sa kanya.

He frowned.

“What the fuck was that?” he asked.

I looked at him, confused.

“A kiss!” Bakit parang galit pa s’ya? “That was my first kiss!”

“You can’t even call that a kiss.”

Ako naman ang napasimangot.

“I’m sorry if I disappointed you!”

Napangisi si Devlin.

“Let me show you what a real kiss is.”

He then grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me close to him until our lips met.

The next thing I knew, Devlin gave me a deep, hot, and wet kiss.

Chapter 13

Nakatulala lang ako noong una. I had no idea what to do. I had never been kissed like this! I mean, this was even my first kiss, not to mention the one I gave Devlin earlier because he said it wasn’t even a kiss for some reason.

Like how would I even know that?! I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve never been intimate with anyone. The only time men would touch me was on a photoshoot and we were all professional at that.

Ah, no. There was Devlin. We were intimate in my dreams.

And it was now happening. This time, it was real.

Devlin was kissing me hotly. His lips were moving against mine and I really didn’t know what to do. Ibang-iba kasi ’yung paraan halik n’ya kaysa sa ibinigay ko kanina. Now I knew why he said he couldn’t even call that a kiss.

He was sucking my upper and lower lips alternatively, even nibbling them when he got the chance. Mariin ang pagkakahalik n’ya. As if he hadn’t kissed anyone, and he only got the chance right now. As if he was really hungry and couldn’t stop himself from devouring the food that was served right in front of him.

His hand, which was on the back of my head, pulled me even closer to him to deepen the kiss. Napahawak na lang ako sa mga balikat n’ya dahil pakiramdam ko ay nanghihina ako. He was sucking all my strength with that kiss, making my limbs tremble and my heart beat really, really fast. Pakiramdam ko ay lalagnatin na rin ako sa sobrang init na nararamddaman ko.

And it was as if he still wasn’t satisfied, ang isang kamay n’ya ay umangat sa leeg ko. His fingers gripped my jaw tightly and angled my head so he could kiss me fully, as if he wasn’t already doing that. He seemed so restless. I could feel that he wanted more, and he didn’t know what to do so he could take more of me.

His kisses felt really dangerous. Sa tingin ko ay iyon din ang dahilan kung bakit ako kinakabahan ngayon, of why my heart is beating really fast right now. There was something inside me telling me that if I accepted this kiss, there was no way to go back anymore. That I would be giving Devlin a chance to take more of me or even all of me. And I have no way to stop that. I would be willing to give him whatever he wanted from me.

I knew that. I also knew that if I wanted to get away, I should stop him now. Because I wouldn’t have a chance next time.

Pero iba ang sinasabi ng katawan ko. My heart was also telling me otherwise, and maybe my mind was too.

No. Everything in me was telling me to just accept him.

So, instead of pushing him away to save myself from what was about to come, my hand went up his head and grabbed a fist of his hair. I pulled him closer to me and tried to mimic the way he was kissing me. His hair felt so soft and silky that it was making me confused because of the way he was being rough to me.

I heard Devlin groan. It was like I pushed a button on him with what I did, as his movements became rough. Mas lalong lumalim ang halik n’ya. He was kissing me as if he wanted to swallow me whole, to consume all of me right at that moment. And I didn’t do anything but just let him be.

Ni hindi man lang ako makasabay sa paghalik n’ya. I was moving my lips, but his kisses were so fierce that I couldn’t really keep up. I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing. This was just my first kiss, and it was already this intense.

Devlin bit my lower lip hard. Sa palagay ko nga ay nagdugo iyon. I gasped in pain, and at that moment, I felt Devlin delve his warm tongue inside my mouth. My eyes widened in surprise. This was all too much, and I don’t even think I could take any of it. Nanghihinaa ko at nauubusan na rin ako ng hininga.

But Devlin didn’t mind that. He didn’t even care for me. He just wanted to kiss me. To consume me. To do everything he wanted because, for some reason, it felt like he had been waiting for this for so long and he had been given the chance now, so he was making the most of it. Because he thinks that there won’t be next time.

I wanted to tell him to slow down. Kasi may susunod pa naman. I would let him. I would give him what he wanted. Pero hindi ako makapagsalita ngayon. He just wouldn’t stop.

Naglumikot ang dila ni Devlin sa loob ng bibig ko. I moaned, and my hand gripped his hair. I heard Devlin’s harsh groan, parang nangigigil. Pagakatapos ay mariin ulit akong hinalikan. My body was bending with his forceful kiss, arching my back with how rough he was moving. And he didn’t like that, so he gripped the hair on the back of my head tightly and pushed me closer to him again. I whimpered when I felt the pain in my scalp.

I was really out of breath. Parang lumulutang na nga ako sa kawalan ng hangin sa katawan ko. I was so dizzy, so when he finally let go of my lips, maingay ang naging pagsinghap ko para kumuha ng hangin.

“Shit, Devlin!”

He groaned. Hindi pa rin s’ya tumitigil. He didn’t even wait for me to calm down before his lips traveled down my neck. I yelped when he pulled my hair down para mapatingala ako so he would have more access. I could feel his warm tongue wetting my skin, pababa hanggang sa collarbone ko. And then he would lick his way up to the back of my ear.

Nakakakili sa pakiramdam but at the same time, it was making me feel hotter. Pinagpapawisan na ako. Nanginginig na rin ako sa matinding sensasyon at napapaungol na lang ako sa bawat galaw ni Devlin.

He did it again on the other side of my neck. This time, nagtuloy-tuloy ang dila n’ya hanggang sa tenga ko. He was licking my ears. I whimpered with how ticklish it felt and the desire I felt as his tongue played with my ears. My body was jerking so much at napakapit na lang ako samga balikat n’ya.

“Dev… Devlin,” I cried. “Shit, I can’t.”

Ang akala ko ay titigil na s’ya at maawa sa ’kin. Because he was like that. He always did anything I told him. But this time, he chuckled. And right then, I realized that he really was a cruel man.

“Oh, no, don’t tell me to stop, Yelizaveta. You don’t know how many times I jerked off while imagining doing these things to you.”

Bumaba ulit ang mga labi n’ya. And there, just under my jaw, he bit my neck hard before licking his way down. He also bit that part where my neck and shoulder connected.

He likes to bite. I already noticed that. Mariin ang pagkakakagat n’ya. I didn’t know if he wanted to bruise me or if he just wanted to leave a mark on me. Either way, the pain added to the lust I already felt.

God… I want him so much.

Devlin pulled down my dress. I was wearing a baby pink dress with a garterized square neck and short puffy sleeves, so my brassiere got easily exposed when he pulled it down. He kissed the top of my breasts that were exposed, and I whimpered when I felt his warm lips on my skin. Then, without looking away from me, he unhooked my brassiere and pulled it down, exposing my breasts to him.

He stared at my breasts. I looked at him, and I saw so much lust and desire in his eyes that it even turned a shade darker. He looked even more hungry. He was looking at my breasts so intensely, as if it was the most delicious meal in the world.

I blushed. Nahihiya ako. Gusto ko na sana takpan but before I could do that, he dipped his head down and claimed one of my nipples inside his mouth.

Malakas akong napaungol nang maramdaman ang paglalaro ng dila n’ya roon. Then he would suck my nipples while his hand fondling my other breast. Gigil na gigil s’ya na halos bumaon na ang mga daliri n’ya sa dibdib ko. And on top of that, he even bit the skin on top of my nipple, leaving a mark on my breasts.

“Mine,” he grunted before he claimed my other breast.

“Devlin,” I panted while whimpering his name. “This is all too much…”

He looked up at me. And the sight of him sucking my breast did something to me. May nararamdaman akong kakaiba sa puson ko, something that I wanted to reach. I didn’t know what that was kaya naglumikot ako sa kandungan n’ya. And while doing so, I unconsciously grind my hips on the bugle inside his pants.

Devlin grunted. Parang mas lalo lang s’yang nangigil at muling kinagat ang balat ko sa dibdib. I gasped in pain and grinded my hips.

“Fuck, love,” he groaned. The way he groaned sounded so hot.

I was already panting. Hindi ko itinigil ang ginagawa ko. I found out that grinding my hip directly on that bulge felt so fucking good. Lalo pa at mas nararamdaman ko ang paglaki noon.

I knew what it was. I’ve already seen what was inside his pants and how big it was. And remembering it, mas lalo akong nag-init kaya inulit ko ang paggalaw ko sa lapn’ya.

“Fuck!” He cursed. He bit my skin again and sucked my nipple really hard.

“Devlin!” I bit my lower lip. It was painful, but… It felt really good.

“I fucking love your tits, Yelizaveta.”

Hinihingal akong napatingin sa kanya.

“You don’t like them big?” I asked.

“I like them when they’re from you.”

Sa kabila ng init na nararamdaman ko ay napangiti ako.

“Then… you don’t like Miss Popova’s boobs?”

Napasimangot si Devlin. It was obvious that he didn’t like that I was mentioning someone when we were being like this right now. And to punish me for it, he bit the skin of my breast again, just above my nipple. Napaungol ako sa pinaghalong sakit at sarap.

He licked his way up to my ear again.

“I don’t care about anyone else if it isn’t you, Yelizaveta.”

I giggled, but it died in Devlin’s mouth when he gave me a hot kiss again. This time, I was prepared. Maybe because I was getting frustrated now. ’Yung frustration na naipon mula pa sa naging paniginip ko noong nasa resort kami, those wet dreams I had about him, the danger I felt earlier, him saving me, and now that he was making me feel so many emotions. Inilabas ko ang lahat ng iyon.

I answered Devlin’s kisses. I tried to be as intense as him, but it was hard. Parang wala na yatang katapusan ang pagiging marahas ni Devlin. My lips were now feeling numb, but I still tried to kiss him back.

When he inserted his tongue, ginaya ko ang ginawa n’ya. Sinalubong ko ang dila n’ya at ilang sandali naglaro ang mga dila namin.

I heard Devlin groan. His hand went down my behind. Inangat n’ya ang skirt ko, cupping both of my butt cheeks hard, spreading them apart as he pulled me down his lap.

I moaned and grinded my hips. Inulit ko pa ’yon and a flare of desire shot up between my legs. It felt so fucking good that I did it again.

“Fuck!” I heard Devlin curse and suck my tongue.

I was grinding my hips. Mabilis at muling babagal. I wanted to savour this moment. I wanted this to last longer. Kahit na parang gustong-gusto ko nang maabot ang bagay na ’yon.

Devlin gripped my butt and groaned again. He smacked my butt, making me whimper in pain. Inulit pa n’ya ’yon bago naging marahas na ang paraan ng paghalik n’ya. Hindi na naman ako makasabay. It was as if he was really going to eat me up whole now.

He pulled my hips down more and guided me in the way he wanted me to grind against him. He thrust his hips up and slapped my butt again bago nanggigigil na pinisil iyon. I could really feel his desire for me.

I was moaning so loud now. Mariin na ang pagkakasabunot ko sa buhok n’ya. Devlin grunted and bit my lip so hard that it bled.

I thought we were going all the way, and I would even let him. But Devlin slowed down. Nagulat pa nga ako nang maging marahan ang paraan ng halik n’ya. He caressed my butt, soothing the pain. Naramdaman kong ibinaba n’ya ang skirt ko pagkatapos at marahan na inangat ang isang kamay sa likod ko while the other held my waist, stopping me from moving.

His hand caressed its way up to the back of my neck, massaging it while still slowly kissing me. Maya-maya ay tumigil s’ya sa paghalik at humiwalay sa ’kin.

I was panting. I was sweating and panting. But I gave him a confused look.

“Why…?”

I was just really confused. He was being rough earlier. I even thought that nothing would ever stop him. Kahit ako. Though, I wouldn’t want him to stop anyway. And then seconds later, he was gentle and even completely stopped kissing me.

Devlin gave me a soft smile, as if assuring me that I had done nothing wrong. Magaan n’yang hinaplos ang namamaga kong pisngin at marahan na hinalikan iyon. He then fixed my brassieree and dress. Isinuot ulit iyon sa akin bago magaan na hinalikan ang balikat ko.

“I don’t want to take advantage of your situation.”

Mas lalo lang yata akong nalito sa sinabi n’ya.

“What…? But you’re not…”

“You just experienced something traumatizing. You were in danger earlier. I don’t want to take advantage of that.”

He wasn’t. He didn’t. I actually like what just happened between us. It was… something strong. It was really overwhelming. I’ve never thought that there was a feeling like that that existed and I would get to experience that. And Devlin gave that to me.

While I was kissing him, I felt something strong, like a force, pulling me closer to him. Actually, it wasn’t only that time. I would feel it every time I looked into his eyes. And it was something I couldn’t resist.

And when I kissed him, I finally realized something. I realized why I always felt irritated at him, why I hated it whenever there was no expression on his face when he was talking to me. Because he made me feel like I was some work he needed to take care of and that he had no choice but to get along with.

And I didn’t want him to think of me that way. I didn’t want him to treat me like I was his job.

I wanted him to think of me more than that.

“That’s… sweet,” I admitted. Alam kong namumula ang mukha ko.

Hinaplos nya ang pisngi ko.

“Why don’t we go home now so you can take a rest?”

Napatungo ako. Hindi ko na s’ya matingnan ng diretso sa mga mata.

“Okay,” mahina ang boses na sabi ko.

I got off him, and my eyes widened when I noticed something on his pants. Doon lang sa inuupuan ko kanina. He didn’t seem to notice it as he was about to open the car door, but before he did, I reached out to that part of his pants and covered it with both of my hands.

Si Devlin, halatang nagulat. His lips parted when he looked at me, and I noticed him tensing up.

“Yelizaveta!”

I winced when his voice boomed inside the car. I didn’t know why he was acting this way pero nang bahagya kong ginalaw ang mga kamay ko at nahawakan ang nakabukol doon, my face heated up. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was steam that would come out of me.

“W-wait!” pigil ko nang sinubukan n’yang tanggalin ang mga kamay ko.

“Jesus! You need to take your hands off kung gusto mong makauwi tayo ngayon!”

“No!”

But he was stronger than me. Nang matanggal n’ya ang mga kamay ko ay mabilis kong itinakip iyon sa mukha ko.

Fuck! Why did it have to be like that?

“Please, don’t say anything about it.” My voice was trembling.

I heard his soft chuckle. Tinanggal ko ang mga kamay sa mukha ko para samaan s’ya ng tingin. But my eyes landed on his crotch. Mabilis ulit akong pinamulahan ng mukha.

Because just on that part, where I was sitting earlier, was a wet spot. A proof of how turned on I was earlier.

“Just cover it!” naiiyak na sabi ko. Damn it! I am really embarrassed right now.

“How?” I could hear the faint laughter in his voice.

“With my…” I looked around. “My bag!” I panicked when I looked at him. “Where’s my bag?!”

“I…” He fished out his phone inside the pocket of his pants. Iniiwas ko ang paningin ko para hindi makita ang basang parte ng pantalon n’ya. “Oh, naiwan mo sa cab.”

Mas lalo lang akong nag-panic.

“Nando’n ’yung phone ko!” Goodness! Lahat ng contacts ko ay nandoon. Sa work and university!

“It’s alright,” Devlin said, sounding so calm. “Ihahatid lang muna kita. I’ll go back to it later. I need to take care of those men anyway.”

Hindi na ako nagsalita. I wanted to ask him if he killed those men. But… I don’t think anything will change. Those men deserved it. Kasalanan nila. How dare they kidnap and hurt me!

Tumango na lang ako.

“Can I ride shotgun?” I asked.

He chuckled and nodded.

“Of course.”

Bumaba na kami pareho sa sasakyan para lumipat sa unahan. He opened the car door for me. Doon sa passenger seat ako umupo. When he got in the driver’s seat, I noticed that wet spot on his pants again, which made me blush. It was really bothering me. So, I opened the glove compartment and took tissues. Iyon ang ginamit kong pantakip sa pantalon n’ya.

Devlin chuckled. Napailing pa pero hindi naman ako pinigilan. I settled on my seat when I finally got satisfied.

I stared at him when we were on the road. He looked really good. Hot and handsome. Namula pa nga ang muukha ko nanag mapansing magulo ang buhok n’ya at namumula ang mga labi n’ya. I knew I was the cause of that. Still, he looked so freaking handsome that I wanted to kiss him again.

Kaya naman hindi ko masisisi si Arty kung bakit kahit nakailang tanggi na si Devlin, Arty was still trying to convince him to be one of his talents. Though, I don’t think Devlin has any interest in that.

And I wouldn’t want it. Ayoko nang may maraming nagkakagusto kay Devlin. Kay Miss Popova na nga lang, grabe na ang galit ko. I even got into danger because of my anger.

Hmm… should I tell my father to get Miss Popova fired? But to do that, I need to tell him what happened today too. And I don’t think he would take the news easily.

“Devlin…”

“Yeah?” Saglit n’ya akong sinulyapan.

“I’m sorry for running away… and thank you for saving me.”

“It’s my job, Yelizaveta.”

Tumango na lang ako. I played with my fingers and looked at him worriedly.

“Sasabihin mo ba kay Daddy?”

This time, nagtagal ang tingin n’ya bago muling ibinalik ang tingin sa daan.

Goodness fuck… Even his side profile looked good.

“Yes.”

“He’ll kill me.”

“Of course he won’t. And I won’t let him.”

I rolled my eyes.

“I mean magagalit sa ’kin si Dad! We both know that it’s my fault I got myself in danger!”

He took a deep breath.

“It’s not your fault. It is mine, Yelizaveta. Your life has always been in danger, that’s why your father assigned a bodyguard to protect you,” he said. “It is my fault that I failed to do my job. So, if there’s anyone that your father would be mad at, it would be me.”

“That’s even worse!”

When Devlin looked at me, there was seriousness in his eyes.

“I need to tell your father about this. What happened to you wasn’t just a simple kidnapping. Another mafia family wants to get hold of you.”

“Are they my father’s enemy?”

Matagal bago sumagot si Devlin. I even saw him clenching his jaw.

“More like… the Romanov Family’s enemy.” He looked at me. “You know about them, right?”

Napatango ako. “Yes.”

“Their enemies want to gain more power to overthrow the Romanovs, so they would be the head of the Bratva. But I don’t think they would have a chance to overpower the Pakhan right now.”

I nodded. Ganoon din ang sinabi sa ’kin ni Rio. Naaalala ko pa ngang tinawanan ni Rio ang mga kalaban ng mga Romanov noon. He said that they were stupid to even think of that.

“But they will take any chance they can get,” Devlin continued. “And there’s only one thing they could think of where they would be given a chance to go against the Romanovs.”

“What things?” I asked.

I saw anger in his eyes, although Devlin looked calm right now. But his jaw was clenching. Napansin ko rin ang paghigpit ng kapit n’ya sa manibela.

“By marrying you, the Aslanov’s princess.”

Nanindig yata ang mga balahibo ko roon. So that was why those men were saying something about their boss marrying me!

“Eew…”

Devlin chuckled at my reaction.

“You understand now why your father needs to know about what happened?”

I bit my lower lip. I didn’t want to. Magagalit si Dad. I know he was overprotective of me. Noong wala pa si Devlin, hindi n’ya ako pinapayagang lumabas. Maliban na lang kung kasama ko si Rio.

And when Devlin came, ’tsaka lang naging maluwag sa ’kin si Dad. It was even a miracle that he let me be a model. Basta palagi ko lang kasama si Devlin.

But… Devlin was right. My father needed to know.

So, I nodded.

“Okay.”

Devlin looked at me. There was something in his eyes, like a silent promise. And it was making my heart beat really fast.

“Don’t worry, love… I pledge with my life that I will do everything it takes to protect you.”

Chapter 14

Agad akong dumiretso sa room ko nang makarating na kami sa bahay. I really wanted to wash up. And even though I hadn’t looked at myself in the mirror yet, I already knew that I looked like a mess. Or, I think even worse than that.

And above all that, I felt… sticky. Especially down there. Like I really and badly want to change my underwear.

I took off my clothes and went inside the bathroom. I was about to go to shower but stopped when I passed by the mirror that was inside the bathroom. I couldn’t even believe what I saw in the reflection.

First off, I wasn’t even sure if the reflection was mine. I had to stare for a while, and when the reflection was following my movements, I almost screamed, realizing that it was really me. I couldn’t even recognize myself!

I have never been ugly. I was always confident in my looks. There hadn’t been any bad photos of me, as I didn’t have any bad angles. My candid photos always turned out well.

But looking at my reflection right now, I realized that I could also be ugly. I fucking looked ugly! My left cheek was swollen. It was blue and black! My eyes were a bit red from crying earlier, and I looked as if some witch had made fun of it! Parang naging nest s’ya ng hundred birds, and they all fought in my hair!

My face looked dirty as well. May mga bakas ng natuyong luha sa mga pisngi ko.And my lips were a bit swollen and reddish, though it looked good on me, and maybe that was the only thing that looked good on me right now!

I squealed in frustration. I couldn’t believe that I let myself look so shitty like this! Tapos nakita pa ako ni Devlin na ganito! I wonder if he felt as if he was kissing the wicked witch earlier. Ang panget-panget ko!

I looked down at my body, and my eyes almost budged out of my socket. Kung nagulat ako sa itsura ko kanina, mas lalo na ngayon!

There were bite marks all over my body! Sa ilalim ng jaw ko, sa neck ko, sa collarbone ko, at mas marami sa dibdib ko! Both of my breasts have bite marks, with a s, na parang bang pinanggigilan talaga ni Devlin ang mga ’yon! He really made sure that he would leave a mark on me!

It wasn’t the kind of bite mark that would fade after an hour. I think these bite marks would be on my skin for days! Parang sabay lang silang mawawala ng pasa sa pisngi ko!

“Holy shit, Devlin…” I muttered and almost squealed. “How the hell am I going to hide these?!”

Should I always wear turtlenecks until the marks fade? No. I think I could also wear a scarf.

Yeah, a scarf is good. At least it would make me look as if I was dressing up. I’m a model after all.

“Young miss?”

I looked at the door. I swear the maid was calling me from outside.

“In the shower!” I said.

“Tvoy otets zovet tebya.” Ipinapatawag daw ako ni Dad.

I took a deep breath. I suddenly felt nervous…and scared. I was so sure that Devlin told him about what happened. Hindi man lang naghintay si Devlin ng ilang oras bago sabihan si Daddy.

Oh, no… What should I do? I’m sure that my dad would get mad at me. Pagagalitan n’ya ako. And maybe… he would be strict with me again. Baka hindi na ulit ako palabasin.

“Young miss?” The maid called me again when I didn’t say anything.

Ah, shit… I knew I couldn’t avoid this.

“Okay. Skazhi yemu, chto ya poydu posle togo, kak primu dush ,” I said, telling her that I’ll go after I was done showering.“

“Okay, young miss.”

I sighed and started showering. Kailangan kong bilisan. Dad was mad.Mas magagalit s’ya kapag pinaghintay ko pa s’ya nang matagal. And I didn’t want to risk it. Baka kung ano pang ipagbawal n’ya sa ’kin kapag nagtagal pa ako.

I wanted to soak in the bathtub and take a warm bath to soothe my aching … everything. Ngayon ko lang naramdaman ang sakit ng katawan ko. I remember that man bumping my head too hard kaya kahit na gustong-gusto kong hugasan ang buhok ko, I thought otherwise. Ang katawan ko na lang ang hinugasan ko.

I just chose to wear a turtle neck sweater and tuck it in in a skirt. Halos manginig ang mga tuhod ko habang papunta sa office ni Dad. I was sure na nandoon s’ya and was waiting for me. I was just hoping that he still wasn’t really mad at me dahil pinaghintay ko s’ya.

I stopped in front of the office’s door and took a deep breath. I shouldn’t have taken too much time but I was so damn nervous. I took a deep breath and knocked. Napansin ko pa ngang nanginginig ang kamay ko while knocking softly. I turned the doorknob and went in.

“Dad…?”

I saw him sitting on the swivel chair behind his office desk. His serious eyes immediately landed on mine as soon as I walked in. And just by that, I already knew that this wouldn’t be easy.

“Come here, Yeliz,” he said. He used a formal tone that he often used to give orders to his men and maids inside the house. Muntik pa akong mapangiwi nang marinig iyon.

I saw him standing just a few feet away from my father’s desk. He looked stiff and formal. As if the conversation they had before I went in was so serious that he didn’t have any emotions on his face again. He even looked cold when he looked at me. Mas lalo tuloy nadagdagan ang panginginig ng tuhod ko habang naglalakad palapit kay Daddy.

I stopped in front of his desk.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

The moment I saw his face contort with so much anger, I realized my mistake. I shouldn’t have asked that. I could understand why he got mad, as it would look like I didn’t mind what happened to me, na alam kong sinabi na sa kanya ni Devlin.

“You’re asking me what’s wrong?! Really, Yelizaveta?! You don’t have any idea what is wrong so you’re asking me?”

I winced. Malakas ang boses ni Daddy. Plus, he called my whole name. Naalala ko tuloy kung bakit ayokong tinatawa ako ni Devlin nang ganoon. Because it reminded me whenever my dad was scolding me.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I wasn’t thinking.”

“Well, I can clearly see that! What the fuck happened, Yeliz? Why did you put yourself in danger?”

“I’m…” I looked down. I felt my eyes tearing up. “I didn’t know… I rode a cab and those guys—”

“Why the fuck did you ride a cab when I have a driver specifically assigned for you?!”

“Dad—”

“It’s my fault, sir,” rinig kong sabi ni Devlin. I shook my head at him but he wasn’t looking at me. He was just looking straight at my father. “I failed to look after her.”

“Shut up, Alexeev!” Dinuro pa ni Dad si Devlin. “I’ll deal with you later.”

“Dad…” I called him. I felt really bad for Devlin. He was in this situation because of me. “It wasn’t his fault. I ran away and put myself in danger. Please, don’t blame him.”

Ilang sandaling tumitig sa ’kin si Dad. He was probably wondering why I said something like that. He knew that I was spoiled, and I usually didn’t take accountability for everything I’d done. He knew I wasn’t the angel that the public branded me as, but he wasn’t saying anything. Hinahayaan n’ya lang as long as my safety was secured.

So, he was probably confused right now. But I didn’t mind. It was really my fault. I just realized the impact of what I’ve done now that we’re here. I put Devlin’s in a tough situation, and I was so scared that he’d fire Devlin.

I didn’t want that. Not now. I wanted to be with Devlin. Ayoko s’yang umalis.

“It is his fault for not protecting you,” he said. It was the same thing that Devlin said.And I realized how different our views were. Siguro, ganoon lang talaga sila mag-isip. Especially that… my father is in the mafia. “Why did you run away?”

I pursed my lips. I didn’t want to tell him. It would sound ridiculous. And if he ever found out that… I got jealous, I would admit that now, he will really fire Devlin from his job. Mas lalo pa siguro kapag nalaman n’ya kung anong ginawa namin ni Devlin.

No… I like being with Devlin. I didn’t want him to go. Not now that I realized that I longed to spend time with him. I want him. I want him to be with me. Always.

“Answer me, Yelizaveta.”

I bit my lower lip when it started trembling. He was mad again. Ayoko nang dagdagan ’yon. I made a mistake. And I didn’t know how to correct that. Hindi ko rin alam kung anong isasagot sa kanya ngayon. I was so sure that he would get angrier if I didn’t say anything now.

Because of the pressure and guilt that I was feeling. Napaiyak na ako. I sobbed at malakas akong napaiyak.

“Because I felt suffocated!” I was crying kaya napalakas din ang boses ko. “I felt suffocated with your overprotectiveness. I couldn’t take anymore your men that were watching over me all the time ever since I was young! I feel even worse than a prisoner! I wanted to be free for a while so I ran away! I couldn’t take it anymore!”

Malakas akong napahagulhol. I didn’t mean to say those words. I didn’t mean to blame him because I actually understand why Dad was overprotective. But once the words came out of my mouth, I couldn’t stop them. And I realized that I had just buried my resentment toward him deep inside. It didn’t get acknowledged dahil basta ko na lang kinalimutan. Kaya siguro, parang nailabas ko na ang lahat ngayon.

I heard Dad take a deep breath. He walked towards me and held my shoulders. Sinubukan kong punasan ang mga luha ko. I felt like a child, as I didn’t know how to properly wipe my tears away. Ginamit ko pa ang likod ng mga palad ko and even my thumb and palms kaya mas lalong kumalat sa mukha ko ang mga luha ko.

But Dad did it for me. He wiped my tears. His touch was so gentle and full of care kaya mas lalo akong naiyak. I was sobbing so hard that I started to feel embarrassed.

“I’m sorry, Yeliz… I’m sorry for raising my voice at you. I was just worried.” His tone was so gentle. Like a father talking to his weeping child, trying to comfort her. “But I did all of that to protect you.”

“I know…” I sobbed. “That’s why I didn’t say anything. Besides, you let me become a model. I know you’re trying very hard.”

He took another deep breath. Marahan n’ya akong hinila para yakapin. He then caressed my back gently.

“I have no idea how to be a good father. After I lost your mother, you’re all that is left to me, my daughter. And if I ever lose you, I won’t know what to do with my life anymore.” Bahagya n’ya akong hiniwalay sa kanya para tingnan. Mas lalong lumakas ang pag-iyak ko nang makitang namumula ang mga mata n’ya. “So, can you do this old man a favor and make sure that you’ll take care of yourself?”

Sunod-sunod akong tumango at niyakap si Daddy. He never mentioned my mother to me again after that night. Alam kong masyadong nasaktan si Daddy sa pagkawala ni Mommy. It was that obvious dahil saglit n’ya lang binanggit si Mommy ngayon ay parang naiiyak na s’ya. And I knew that he was trying hard not to cry. But it was obvious that he was really hurt.

“I’m sorry, Dad…”

“Are you okay, though?” sabi n’ya nang pakawalan ako. “I’ll call our family doctor to have him check on you. Go to your room so you can take a rest. And don’t leave the house for the time being.”

“But I have to complete my requirements for all of my subjects—”

“I’ll call the university. They’ll take care of that. For now, just do what I say, alright?”

Tumango na lang ako. I wanted to assure him as well and I knew that this was the right thing to do. Alam ko namang nag-alala nang sobra si Daddy sa ’kin dahil sa nangyari.

But to let the university take care of my incomplete requirements, I guess he must’ve been really powerful. Isang sabi n’ya lang, gagawin na ng university ang gusto n’ya. And Dad really looked confident about it.

Hmm… Kung sinabi ko siguro ang tungkolkay Miss Popova, for sure, he’d let her get fired. But… I’ll let her go.

For now.

“I’ll also call the Pakhan . He needs to let him know about this.”

Napatingin ako kay Dad. Is he talking about the head of the Bratva?

So… is he his boss?

“You might need to tell him about what happened yourself, Yeliz.”

My eyes widened. Oh, no… I don’t want that. I didn’t know what kind of man the Pakhan was. He might be a really scary man, as he was the Russian mafia’s boss. I don’t want to be in the presence of someone like that!

Napatingin tuloy ako kay Devlin. I don’t know. Automatic agad na s’ya ang hinahanap ko kapag natatakot ako o kapag nakakaramdam ako ng panganib. And right now, thinking that I would be facing the Pakhan soon, I felt like I would be in danger.

Devlin looked back at me, and I shivered at how cold he looked. I couldn’t recognize the emotion on his face. Malamig ang tingin ng mga mata n’ya so opposite from how he looked at me earlier. As if he didn’t care about anything else. As if all emotions had left his body.

And those dark eyes… they were darker than ever. He was looking at me as if he had just seen me for the first time, and I was just a stranger to him. Na para bang wala kaming pinagdaanan. As if I wasn’t someone he needed to protect. As if I was someone that he didn’t care at all.

And I couldn’t understand the pain I felt in my chest. It was so painful that it felt as if someone was squeezing my heart. I didn’t want him to look at me that way. Masakit. Hindi ko kaya.

“Yeliz?”

I looked at my father. He was looking at me with confusion. Siguro ay nagtataka sa pagkakatigil ko. So, I smiled at him. The kind of fake smile I was giving to most people.

“I understand, Dad,” I said.

Ilang sandali pang tumitig sa ’kin si Daddy bago tumango.

“Alright. Go and get rest.”

Tumango ako. I looked at Devlin, who wasn’t looking at me anymore but still had the same expression on his face. I bit my lower lip to divert the pain in my chest before I turned around and left Dad’s office.

I went to my room. The family doctor came to check on me and told me that there wasn’t anything to worry about. He gave me medicine to help me relax my body so I could have a good rest. Iniinom ko iyon and after a while, I fell asleep.

I didn’t have any time to think about what happened that day. Or even about my meeting with the Bratva’s Pakhan soon. Not even the look in Devlin’s eyes that I saw earlier.

It turned out I didn’t have to worry long enough about my meeting with the Pakhan . Because the next day, around lunchtime, Dad called me to the drawing room. I was wondering why he called for me again, and I even thought that we had visitors dahil doon n’ya ako pinatawag. But I still went anyway.

The first one I saw when I entered the room was Devlin, who was standing behind the long couch where my father was sitting. He still had that expression he was wearing on his face yesterday. I just looked away, as I felt hurt whenever he looked at me like that.

Then my gaze turned to the man sitting on the one-seater sofa at the center end of the room. Agad na napatigil ang mga paa ko sa paglalakad nang mapatingin sa lalaki. Something inside me told me to run away, as this man could kill me anyway, and he wouldn’t even hesitate about it. His presence was so intense that it gave me a hard time moving.

“Yeliz… come here.”

Napatingin pa ako kay Dad nang tawagin n’ya ako. He wanted me to sit beside him. I looked at the man again, and he nodded slightly at me. He even smiled, but I don’t think it was a friendly smile.

I willed myself to move. I told myself that it was okay. Devlin is here. I knew he would protect me.

Nang makalapit ako ay tumayo ang lalaki at halos mapapitlag pa ako. Kahit si Dad ay tumayo rin. I even almost screamed, which I am glad I stopped myself before I did kasi nakakahiya!

I mean, I couldn’t help it! Akala ko may gagawin sa ’kin ’yung lalaki!

“Pakhan, this is my daughter, Yelizaveta Matveyevna Aslanova.”

Mabilis akong napatingin kay Dad.

What…? He’s the Pakhan ? The Bratva’s head? The Russian mafia’s boss?

“It is an honor to finally meet the Aslanov’s princess,” the Pakhan said, holding out his hand to me to offer a handshake. “I’m Sergei Alexandrovich Romanov.”

I couldn’t breathe. I think I was hyperventilating inside. I didn’t know that I would meet him today. My dad didn’t even give me a head’s up!

Nanginginig ang kamay ko nang tanggapin ang pakikipag-kamay n’ya. And I think the Pakhan noticed that, as he offered me a kind smile. But it didn’t help me a bit.

I mean, he’s the Pakhan!

“Nice to meet you…” Should I call him boss? Pakhan ? Sir? “Call me Yeliz.”

“And you can call me Serj.”

Napatingin ako sa lalaking nakatayo sa tabi n’ya. The man had been staring at me ever since I walked in. Napatulala pa nga ako sa sandali sa mga mata n’ya.

Are his eyes deep violet in color? I stared at him more but I realized that I was wrong. He had midnight blue eyes that looked violet at first glance or even at a certain angle.

“Oh, this is one of my men,” the Pakhan said when he let go of my hand and noticed I was staring at the man behind him. He looked at him. “C’mon. Introduce yourself to the Aslanov’s princess.”

The man chuckled. He looked at me and I flinched. He also had a dangerous aura around him and had a cruel look in his eyes. No… I think ganoon lang talaga s’ya tumingin. Harsh… Unkind…

Sadistic.

“Nikolaj Leonidovich Ozerov,” he smirked at me. “At your service, princess.”

I accepted his handshake. I let go of his hand too quickly, which he obviously noticed as he chuckled but didn’t say anything. Umupo na kami pagkatapos noon. Nikolaj and Devlin remained standing.

“Come to think of it, I usually see you together with your brother, Serj… Where is he?” Dad asked.

There was an emotion in Serj’s eyes. Something… murderous. I got scared, and when he noticed it, that look vanished too quickly.

“He’s in the hospital. Nothing to worry about,” he said with finality.

It means that we shouldn’t ask any questions about it. Naintindihan naman iyon ni Dad.

Serj gave us a formal smile.

“Now… shall we get to business?”

Chapter 15

Business? What kind of business is he talking about? I thought we were just going to talk about what happened to me. That was what my father told me—that was why he had the Pakhan called over here.

I looked at my father beside me. I was getting intimidated by the men around me. Parang gusto ko na lang tumakbo palabas doon. I realized that walking in was a terrible mistake on my part.

I wanted to look at Devlin. But he was behind me. I didn’t want anyone to notice something that might put Devlin in a bad situation. I don’t know, but I think these men are smart.

So, I just looked at my father. But I noticed that something was different about him too. He was… serious. Para pa ngang ibang tao ang katabi ko.

Hindi ko na tuloy napigilang lumingon sa likod ko. I was trembling deep inside, and I wanted to calm down pero hindi ko magawa. Not when the Pakhan and Nikolaj were staring so hard at me as if I was some kind of specimen!

Devlin looked back at me. There still wasn’t any emotion on his face. I should’ve gotten used to this. But there was something different about him now. Hindi ko alam kung ano. Maybe he was looking at me coldly, even colder than before. It was as if he was someone I had never met.

I looked away from him. I was hoping that I could at least calm down if I looked at Devlin. Pero mas lalo lang akong natakot at kinabahan. Because right now, I felt like I had been thrown into a den of… monsters that wouldn’t hesitate to hurt me if I made a mistake.

“Yeliz…”

I looked at Serj. Muntik ko pang mahigit ang paghinga ko nang masalubong agad ang tingin n’ya.Nikolaj was standing behind him, and it didn’t help that he was staring at me with… malicious glint in his eyes. Na para bang gustong-gusto n’ya akong saktan but he was just waiting for Serj’s orders.

But then, I saw Nikolaj’s gaze shift behind me. He looked at Devlin. I saw how his lips stretched for an evil grin before he laughed. A mocking laugh. Para bang inaasar n’ya si Devlin. Sinuklay pa ang buhok gamit ang daliri habang tumatawa.

He looked… insane. He was the only one laughing in that room, and there wasn’t anything funny to laugh about.

But then… his laugh didn’t sound like it was out of happiness. As a matter of fact, he looked like he was out of his mind.

“Silence, Nikolaj,” Serj said. Mariin ang pagkakasabi n’ya. As if he needed to do that because Nikolaj wouldn’t follow him otherwise.

Nikolaj bit his lower lip. His laugh turned into a chuckle. Gumagalaw pa ang mga balikat sa pagpipigil ng tawa.

Shit… Ganito ba talaga sila? I don’t want to stay here anymore.

“I apologize for that…” Serj said. “Nikolaj just has a… peculiar taste and a different sense of humor compared to normal people.”

So, he’s saying that he is not normal.

“Hey…” natatawang sabi ni Nikolaj. “I’m just honored to be in the presence of the one and only Aslanov’s princess.”

“Shut up, Ozerov,” Serj said.

Nikolaj raised both of his hands.

“Alright, alright… my bad.” He looked at me. Yumukod pa s’ya. “Apologies, princess.”

Serj exhaled harshly. Parang nauubusan na ng pasensya sa kasama.

“Anyway… we should get down to business.” Serj looked at me. “Your father told me that something happened to you yesterday. Will you do me a favor by telling me what happened?”

I looked at my dad. He nodded at me, urging me to tell Serj what happened.

“Uhm…” Napalunok ako. All eyes were on me, and it wasn’t doing anything good with my nerves. “I went out of the university and rode a cab that was waiting outside the gate.”

Napatigil ako nang makita ang pagkunot ng noo ni Serj.

“Where was your bodyguard here?” Napasulyap pa s’ya kay Devlin.

Agad naman akong kinabahan. I didn’t want them to blame Devlin for my mistake. At sa tingin ko, I need to do everything here so they won’t blame him. Palagay ko kasi ay may hindi magandang mangyayari kapag hindi ko nilinaw na kasalanan ko naman talaga ang lahat.

“I ran away from him,” I said, which is true.

“Why?” Serj asked. His frown deepened.

“I…”

Holy shit… It was hard to lie with his intimidating aura! Parang kapag nagsinungaling ako ay malalaman n’ya agad!

“I didn’t want him following me… at that time,” I said, which was a half-truth this time.

Sobrang sama ng loob ko noon at ayokong makita si Devlin. That was why I decided to just go home alone. But of course, I knew I shouldn’t tell the real reason why I ran away. Nakakahiya. They might even think that I was an immature child.

“I wanted to at least take a break,” I said. Hindi ako makatingin kay Serj. “It was the last day of my final exam, so I thought I could… you know… be free. And I couldn’t do that if Devlin would be following me around. It made me feel suffocated.”

And that was a complete lie. Hindi na ako makatingin kahit kanino pa sa kanila. Baka kasi mahalata nilang nagsisinungaling lang ako.

I wonder what Devlin was thinking. He knew the real reason why I ran away, but he wasn’t saying anything.

I heard a chuckle. Nag-angat ako ng tingin at nakita si Nikolaj na nakatingin sa akin. There was a smirk on his lips. Kinabahan ako.

Nahalata n’ya bang hindi ako nagsasabi ng totoo?

“Hmm.” I looked at Serj. “Then what happened?”

“I, uh… I rode the cab, and then at some point, it stopped. A man opened the car door and sat beside me in the backseat. He told me that they were waiting for such a long time for the opportunity to take me.”

“So, they were watching you and looking for the chance to execute their plan.” Tumango ako sa sinabi ni Serj. “What else did they say?”

Napalunok ako. I glanced at my father, who was just listening quietly. I bit my lower lip before I looked back at Serj.

“They said something about…” Napangiwi ako. “About their boss wanting to marry me.”

Their expressions turned grim. Lalo na si Serj. I knew he was trying to act approachable while he was talking to me earlier para hindi ako matakot. But he obviously failed. Natakot pa rin ako sa kanya.

And right now… he looked even more dangerous. Kalmado ang mukha n’ya pero… he had a dark expression on his face.

“Alexeev.” Serj looked at Devlin. “Did you confirm their identity?”

I looked at Devlin. His jaw was set. Parang ayaw magsalita. I saw that he was gritting his teeth as his jaw ticked.

“Alexeev!” my dad warned.

“Devlin…” I whispered.

He might’ve heard it. Dahil saglit s’yang napasulyap sa ’kin. Then he pursed his lips and took a deep breath.

“They’re Balakin’s men,” he said.“

Serj muttered a curse under his breath while I heard Nikolaj’s laugh. Parang tuwang-tuwa.

“Isn’t that the bastard who’s trying to bring you down? Because he thinks that you don’t deserve to be the Pakhan?” Nikolaj said while chuckling.

“Yeah… It seems like he hasn’t given up yet.”

“What should we do, Pakhan ?” my father asked. Worry was in his voice. “They might do this again. I’m worried for my daughter.”

Serj was silent for a while, thinking of something. Then he looked at me.

“Yeliz… are you aware that some men are after you because you’re the Aslanov’s princess?” I nodded at him. “They are my enemies. They think that by marrying you, they will gain enough power to overthrow me as the Bratva’s Pakhan, so they could rule the Russian mafia.”

Napasulyap ulit ako kay Dad bago tumingin kay Serj.

“But… you’re not going to marry me off to him… right?”

Hindi man sinabi sa ’kin ni Daddy ang mga bagay tungkol sa mafia, I think I could understand some things about them. May ilang bagay ang sinabi sa ’kin ni Rio. Just like how the mafia’s boss has the decision to marry off their members to anyone, including their children, as they belong to the mafia. They could marry them off as long as it would benefit and strengthen the mafia.

A marriage alliance.

“Of course not,” Serj said. “Especially not with Balakin.”

Nakahinga ako nang maluwag doon.

“Thank you—”

“But… Balakin also has enemies. One of them is… an ally of the Romanov family. The Sokolov family. And the head hinted that he wants to marry you, Yelizaveta…”

“No!”

“Yeliz!” saway sa ’kin ni Dad dahil sa pagsigaw ko.

I looked at him. Hindi ako makapaniwalang sa akin pa s’ya nagagalit ngayon. The Pakhan just said something about a man wanting to marry me! At mukhang may pag-asang pumayag si Serj doon because they were their ally!

Napatayo ako at lumayo kay Daddy. I didn’t want to be near here. May palagay akong kahit anong sabihin ng Pakhan ay susundin n’ya. Even if he said that he would marry me off to someone!

Fuck! I don’t even know who that freaking Sokolov is!

I looked at Devlin, hoping that he would back me up. And I was so glad to see him looking back at me. Wala na ang kalamigan sa mga mata n’ya. His stance told me that he was willing to protect me. Even if he was facing the Pakhan that he needed to obey.

I looked at Serj, who was just looking at me without any expression on his face. He even looked like he was relaxing in his seat.

“I will not marry any of those men,” I said.

“Yelizaveta!” my father hissed. “Respect the Pakhan and sit down.”

“Dad…” nagmamakaawa akong tumingin sa kanya. “Please don’t let me marry just anyone.”

“The Sokolov can protect you better,” Serj said. “Now that we know that Balakin is still after you, the Sokolov can help you.”

“Devlin can protect me!”

“Alexeev failed to protect you yesterday, Yelizaveta. You were in danger because he didn’t do his job properly.” Serj’s tone was harsh.

“It wasn’t his fault!” I reasoned out. “It was me who ran away! Besides, he saved me!”

“He wouldn’t need to save you if you hadn’t been in danger in the first place.”

“I told you it wasn’t his fault!” I looked at him, pleading with my eyes. “It’s my fault. Devlin didn’t do anything wrong. So, please… let him still work as my bodyguard.”

“Yelizaveta!” my dad’s voice boomed. “What the hell are you saying?”

Pero hindi ko pinansin si Dad. I know the decision will come from Serj kaya hindi ko inalis ang tingin sa kanya. He was staring back at me as if he was assessing me. Bahagya pang naniningkit ang mga mata.

Then he looked at Devlin.

“And what are your thoughts on this, Alexeev?”

Devlin looked at Serj. Hindi ko man lang nakitaan ng takot ang mga mata n’ya.

“It is entirely my fault.”

“Devlin!”

“If there’s anyone that needs to be punished, it should be me. I am willing to accept anything as long as Yelizaveta’s safety is ensured.”

“Devlin!”

“Yelizaveta!” Dad looked so mad now.

I looked at Serj, who was just looking at Devlin. Then, I saw the side of his lips rise for a smirk. Nilingon n’ya si Nikolaj sa tabi n’ya. Nikolaj smirked as well before he nodded his head.

“Yeliz.” Halos mapapitlag pa ako nang tawagin ako ni Serj.

“Y-yes?”

“Will you give us a minute? I want to talk with Alexeev and your father.”

Nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin ko sa kanilang lahat. I wanted to stay here. I wanted to hear his decision. But I knew that it wasn’t for me. Hindi para sa ’kin ang oras na ’yon. They were in the mafia, and I was just a helpless mafia princess who needed their protection.

Tumango ako. Lumingon pa ako kay Devlin na nakatingin din pala sa ’kin. He nodded his head lightly. It was a light move na mahirap mapansin but I did. I bit my lower lip before I finally left the room.

Hindi naman ako lumayo. I wanted to be there when I got called up again. Baka nga hindi na ako tawagin pabalik doon. But still, gusto kong nasa malapit lang ako. I wanted to know what would happen to Devlin.

Shit. I just realized the consequences of my actions. Sana ay hindi ako nagpadalo-dalos. I should’ve thought about everything first before I ran off, feeling like a normal girl who needed protection. Inisip ko man lang sana ang mangyayari kay Devlin kapag napahamak ako.

I was immature. Why did I even get upset when I thought that my professor would kiss him? Why did I get so hurt by the thought of them kissing that I didn’t get to think of what would happen to me kung tinakasan ko si Devlin?

And now… we were here. Devlin was in a tight spot because of me. Hindi ko akalain na sa ganito mauuwi ang lahat.

I waited for a while before I saw them go out of the drawing room. Mabilis akong lumapit sa kanila.

“Princess…” Nikolaj looked amused nang salubungin ko sila. “I didn’t know that you were waiting. If I’d known, I would’ve kept you company.”

“Ozerov!” saway ni Serj. Tinawanan lang s’ya ni Nikolaj who backed off. “Yeliz… we decided to keep Alexeev as your bodyguard.”

Malawak akong napangiti.

“Really?”

“Yes… If a mafia princess begged like that, no stone heart wouldn’t soften.”

Mabilis akong pinamulahan ng mukha. Si Nikolaj ang tumawa sa naging reaction.

“Thank you…” maliit ang boses na sabi ko.

“I apologize if I surprised you earlier,” sabi pa ni Serj.

I shook my head.

“I should be the one apologizing. I am sorry if I had been rude earlier.”

Napangiti si Serj.

“It was nice meeting you, Yelizaveta.”

“It was nice meeting you too.”

Nikolaj offered me his hand.

“It was nice meeting the Aslanov’s princess.”

Tinanggap ko ang pakikipag-kamay n’ya. But instead of doing a handshake, he kissed the back of my hand.

I gasped. Mabilis kong binawi ang kamay ko muli sa kanya. He just chuckled.

“I, uh… thank you,” I said. My voice was soft.

Serj said something to my father. Si Nikolaj naman ay binalingan si Devlin.

“We’re keeping a close eye on you, Alexeev.” Tinapik n’ya ang dibdib ni Devlin. Just where his scar was. Masyadong malakas iyon at narinig ko pa ang tunog.

Devlin shoved Nikolaj’s hand. But the man just chuckled and raised both of his hands. But the look in his eyes was like he was taunting Devlin.

Nagpaalam na rin sila pagkatapos noon at maya-maya ay umalis na rin. Gusto ko sanang makausap si Devlin, but Dad called him to his office kaya nawalan na ako ng pagkakataon. Nag-stay lang ako sa room ko at lumabas din ilang oras to look for Devlin. But I was told that he had errands to take care of outside.

I waited for him. I wanted to talk to him. Gusto kong malaman ang pinag-usapan nila kanina. With the look of Serj, I knew he wouldn’t let Devlin off the hook just like that.

It was already nighttime when I was told that he had come back. Gabing-gabi na nga. I went to his room. Medyo nag-alangan pa nga akong kumatok sa pinto ng kwarto n’ya nang maalala kung anong naabutan ko noon.

Damn it… He knew I was watching at that time! Sinadya n’ya! He let me hear how… how he was calling my name while… while doing that!

That… that devil!

I cleared my throat. Namumula ang mukha ko. But still, I knocked. Ilang beses ko pa iyong inulit dahil walang sumasagot. Ang akala ko pa nga ay wala s’ya sa loob.

Then, after a while, the door opened. Halos mapasinghap ako sa nabungaran ko.

Devlin, only wearing a towel on his lower life. May hawak s’yang maliit na towel pamunas sa buhok n’ya.

“Yelizaveta…”

I stared at his naked chest. Mamasa-masa pa iyon dahil sa tubig. Katatapos n’ya lang yatang maligo dahil medyo basa pa ang buhok n’ya at pinupunasan ng towel.

Holy… his chest was… heaven…

Masyadong malapad. Ang laki ng mga musles n’ya para pa ngang masarap humilig doon at matulog ngayong gabi sa dibdib n’ya.

And that scar on his chest didn’t look bad. Instead… it looked enticing. Mas naging kaakit-akit s’ya with that imperfection on his perfect muscular chest. I had the urge to run my fingers on his scar, giving it soft kisses.

Shit, Yeliz! His eyes were on his face! Nasa taas ang mga mata n’ya. Look the hell up!

I heard a chuckle. I finally managed to look up and saw Devlin looking at me. Huling-huli n’ya akong nakatitig sa dibdib n’ya!

My face heated up. But I ignored the feeling. Kunwari ay hindi ako nahihiyang nahuli n’ya ako.

Mas nakakahiya kaya noong nahuli ko s’yang may kung anong ginagawa! I even saw his… his huge… baby-maker thing!

No… don’t look down. Don’t stare at where that thing was. Just focus on his eyes.

“So?” Devlin stared at me. “What are you doing here?”

Napatitig ako kay Devlin. He looked really good. Why the hell did I only allow myself to only stare at him like this now? Napaka-gwapo n’ya. He had that kind of handsomeness that was dangerous to women. Because if you fall for him, there won’t be any chance to escape.

And those lips. My goodness… he was a good kisser. Nakakawala sa katinuan.

I wanted to talk to him, which is why I knocked on his door tonight. But I wasn’t expecting na ganito ko s’ya aabutan. Damp and almost naked.

So, when I looked at his eyes, those dark orbs that swallowed me into oblivion where I couldn’t see anything but darkness, and I could only feel him, iba ang lumabas sa bibig ko.

“Can I stay here with you tonight?”

Chapter 16

WARNING: R18

---

I wasn’t sure who was more surprised by the words that came from my mouth—if it was me or Devlin. Or maybe ako lang talaga ang nagulat. Because if Devlin was surprised, he hid it so well. His heavy stares just remained with me. Maybe he was trying to figure out if I meant those words. Or he was waiting na bawiin ko ang mga sinabi ko.

But I didn’t. I wouldn’t even want to. Because there was one thing that I wanted so much right at this moment.

I wanted to be with him. After everything that happened earlier, I wanted to be with someone who made me feel safe the most.

Devlin tilted his head to the side, watching me more carefully. Nakita kong hinawakan n’ya ang buhol sa towel na nasa bewang n’ya, or his hips rather, dahil masyado nang mababa ang towel that I could already see the outline of his v-line. Halos mapaatras pa ako nang maglakad s’ya ng isang hakbang palapit sa ’kin. My eyes even widened. For a moment there, I thought he would remove the towel covering his lower half!

I swear, I saw that he almost smirked with my reaction. Pero ang ginawa n’ya lang ay sumandal sa hamba ng pinto at humalukipkip. I had to remind myself to just look into his eyes and not at those biceps that flexed with his movement.

“Is that really what you want?” he asked. His voice was deep and husky. Parang… mas lalo pang nag-iimbita.

Tumango lang ako. I couldn’t find my voice anymore. Bigla yatang nanuyo ang lalamunan ko.

Devlin stared harder at me. His dark eyes almost penetrated me.

“We both know that it won’t be the only thing that will be happening tonight… all night, or even the morning after. Are you prepared for that, Yelizaveta?”

He was giving me a warning. Halata iyon sa boses n’ya. I felt a shiver travel down my spine, but instead of coldness, I felt hot. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang mabibigat n’yang titig sa bawat parte ng mukha ko. Bumaba pa iyon sa katawan ko. Mabagal n’yang pinasadahan ng tingin ang kabuuan ko na para bang iniisip na kung anong gagawin sa akin.

And even if he didn’t say anything, I think I knew what was running through his mind. Nakikita ko sa mga mata n’ya. I saw desire in his black eyes, which turned those orbs a shade darker. Nahigit ko ang paghinga ko sa tensyong nararamdaman.

Umalis s’ya sa hamba ng pinto and took a step closer. This time, he was so close that I could already smell his aftershave cologne mixed with the shampoo and body wash that he used. He smelled so fucking good… so erotic. Lalaking-lalaki.

Mahina akong napasinghap nang hawiin n’ya ang buhok kong nasa harap papuntang likod. He didn’t even touch my skin, and I don’t know how pero pakiramdam ko ay tumatagos hanggang buto ko ang init na nagmumula sa kanya. Or maybe it was his eyes. Dahil hindi na n’ya ako nilubayan ng tingin mula pa kanina.

“What would it be, Yelizaveta?” he asked impatiently. Hindi na makapaghintay sa sagot ko.

I knew this was dangerous. Alam ko na ’yon kaninang mabungaran ko ang ayos n’ya. Or maybe even before I knocked on his door. The idea of meeting him tonight was already as dangerous as it could be.

But still, I nodded. Marahan akong tumango. Dangerous or not, I still want to be with him tonight. I needed to make sure that after what happened earlier, he would still be by my side.

I saw him smirk. Itinaas pa ang isang kilay as if he was amused that I accepted his challenge tonight.

Ang isang kamay n’ya ay muling umangat at lumapat sa gilid ng leeg ko. His thumb caressed my jaw. I gasped softly, unable to contain the sensation as his head dipped down and closed the distance between us.

May ilang sandali pa s’yang tumigil bago lumapat ang mga labi n’ya sa akin. As if he was giving me the chance to back down. But I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. Pakiramdam ko ay nanginginig na agad ang mga tuhod ko sa simpleng paghawak n’ya lang.

And then he chuckled. Right after that, I felt his soft lips crash into mine.

This kiss was nothing like the one we shared before. Marahan ang paghalik n’ya ngayon. His lips were only brushing mine. It felt like a soft feather touching my lips. Binibigyan ako ng pagkakataong tumakbo palayo.

This was his last warning. He was telling me through this that this would be the only time that I would feel gentleness from him.

But instead of running away, I moved my lips. His kiss frustrated me. I wanted more, so I deepened our kiss. Ikinawit ko pa ang mga braso ko sa leeg n’ya.

And that did something to him.

I heard him groan before his arms snaked around my waist and pulled me closer to him. Napasinghap ako sa rahas ng paggalaw n’ya. He took that chance to delve his tongue into my mouth and deepen the kiss, and my back almost bent backward with force. Hinila ako ni Devlin papasok ng kwarto, my feet lifted off the ground as I heard the door close behind me.

Pagkatapos ay naramdaman ko ang marahas n’yang pagsandal sa ’kin sa nakasaradong pinto. I whimpered in pain, but the sound died inside Devlin’s mouth as he took my lips again in an open-mouthed kiss.

He was kissing me forcefully, so aggressively that it was hurting me. He was biting my lips and sucking them so hard that I think my lips bled. His tongue played with mine pero hindi ko masabayan ang rahas at diin ng paghalik n’ya. His movements were too much for me.

I knew that he was a dominating man. He was always in control pero sa mga panahong binantayan n’ya ako ay itinago n’ya iyon. He was only showing it to me now, as if he didn’t have control of himself anymore.

I moaned when his big hand roughly fondled my breast. I was wearing a thin nightdress kaya ramdam na ramdam ko ang init ng palad n’ya. Ang katawan n’ya ay nakadikit sa ’kin, pressing me against the door so that I couldn’t even move a bit dahil naiipit ako sa pagitan n’ya at ng pinto. It hurts, but… I liked it.

I liked how it seemed like he couldn’t get enough of me kaya ganito na lang ang rahas ng galaw n’ya. I liked how he seemed as if he tried to hide his desire for me for so long at ngayong napagbigyan ay kumawala ang lahat ng ’yon. I liked how it felt like he wanted to devour me, to take all of me, and I would give it all to him.

I would give him everything he wanted.

Napasinghap ako nang marinig ang pagkakapunit ng tela. My eyes widened when I looked down, and I saw that he ripped my nightdress off me so easily. Bumagsak ang punit na damit sa paanan ko and I was left only wearing my thong.

Holy shit. That was one expensive nightdress! It was a gift from the designer when I modeled her work!

“Dev— Ah!”

My protest turned into a moan when Devlin licked his way down to my jaw, to the length of my neck. He left a wet trail on his way, as if he wanted to leave a mark to claim me. And when he reached my collarbone, I felt him bite my skin hard.

It hurts! Ramdam ko ang pagbaon ng mga ngipin n’ya sa balat ko. I whimpered in pain, but I felt something—a sensation from my tummy—that went down the part between my legs. Napasinghap ako sa sakit pero patuloy lang si Devlin sa pagkagat sa balat ko.

“Mine,” he mumbled against my skin.

His hands started fondling both of my breasts. There was no gentleness in his movements. Pero hinayaan ko lang s’ya at hindi pinatigil. Because I felt like he was showing me his true self now. Not some bodyguard that needed to watch over me. Not someone who needed to protect me. Because right now, he didn’t even care if I was hurt or not.

He put his arms around me, lifted me up, and pushed me harder against the door. My legs locked around him. His face leveled my breasts, and he didn’t waste enough time inserting one of the peaks inside his mouth. Napaungol ako sa sensasyong umatake sa ’kin. He was sucking my nipple, biting my skin while his other hand fondled the other aggressively.

Napasabunot ako sa buhok n’ya. I rested my head against the door and closed my eyes, focusing on the sensation that he was giving me. He started to rock his hips. Ang akala ko ay ang buhol ng towel ang nramdaman ko but as he pushed himself against me, I realized that it was his bulge pressing against that part between my hips.

I moaned. I couldn’t take the pleasure he was making me feel. Sobra-sobra ang atake noon na halos hindi na ako makahinga. My heart was beating so fast against my chest, and I was so sure that Devlin could feel it while sucking my tits.

Mas lalo pa n’yang ibinaon ang ulo sa dibdib ko. He took his time sucking those nipples, licking the skin around them, and biting my breasts. Alam kong magmamarka na naman iyon. Hindi pa nga nawawala ang markang ibinigay n’ya sa ’kin noong una but he was giving me another.

“Devlin…”

Inangat n’ya ang mukha mula sa dibdib ko. He looked at me, and what I saw in his eyes gave me shivers. Napangisi s’ya nang maramdaman iyon.

“Do you want to come on my cock or my face first, love?”

Holy… fuck. That was illegal!

I couldn’t do anything but whimper. I couldn’t even answer him. It was an illegal attack. I didn’t know that he could say obscene words like that and I wasn’t prepared for how it affected me!

Ramdam ko ang pagguhit ng kakaibang sensasyon papunta sa gitnang parte ng mga hita ko. Pinamulahan ako ng mukha. Nahihiya na baka malaman n’ya kung gaano ako naapektuhan ng sinabi n’ya.

And I could see that he did. Because a soft and erotic chuckle escaped from him. Ibinaon pa ang mukha sa leeg ko at binigyan ako ng mararahang halik doon na nagpakiliti sa ’kin.

“Should I make you come with my tongue?” He licked my neck up to my ear. Ramdam ko ang paglalaro ng dila n’ya sa tenga ko na nagpaungol sa ’kin. “Or with my cock?”

This time, he rocked his hips again. Muli kong naramdaman ang bukol doon sa pagitan ng mga hita ko.

I closed my eyes. Napatingala ako at mahinang napasinghap. Devlin chuckled at my reaction.

“Just say the word, love…”

“Devlin…” I moaned.

“Hmm?”

He licked my ears again as he grinded his hips. Napakagat ako sa ibabang labi ko.

“Shit…”

He chuckled.

“You like it?”

Ang mga kuko ko ay bumaon sa mga balikat n’ya. Mariin akong napapikit.

“Please…”

His voice was a husky rumble when he chuckled again. Marahan n’ya akong ibinaba at halos matumba pa ako nang pakawalan n’ya ako. I leaned my back on the door as he slowly knelt in front of me.

“My face first, then,” he said.

Hindi n’ya inalis ang tingin sa ’kin habang hinuhubad n’ya ang maliit na piraso ng telang tumatakip sa kaselanan ko. I couldn’t take my eyes off him as well. That was why, even though I was totally naked in front of him, there wasn’t any room for me to feel embarrassed at all.

Umangat ang mga kamay n’ya para haplusin ang mga hita ko pababa sa mga binti ko. Then his caress went up, and he lifted one of my thighs. I was gasping for air, softly moaning as I felt his rough palms against my soft skin.

“Keep your eyes on me, Yelizaveta,” he said as he put one of my legs on his shoulder.

And then, without giving me any warning, I felt him kissing my folds.

Halos panawan ako ng lakas doon. Hindi ko alam kung saan kakapit. Nanginginig ang mga tuhod ko at hindi ko yata kakayaning tumayo nang matagal.

But Devlin’s hand held my hips firmly. Mas itinulak ako sa pinto at doon ako sumandal to get support. His other hand touched my folds, spreading them apart before he licked his way upwards.

“Holy—”

I moaned as too much sensation assaulted me. Inulit pa ni Devlin ang ginawa at napatingala na lang ako. Lumapat ang mga kamay ko sa pinto pero nang pasadahan ulit ni Devlin ng dila n’ya ang parteng ’yon, my nails dug on the wood, scraping the door.

“Shit!”

He flattened his tongue and started licking me thoroughly. Hindi ko makayanan ang nararamdaman ko. I felt as if I would go crazy anytime now. This was the first time I felt something like this. I didn’t know that something or someone could make me feel so much lust like this.

All those wet dreams I had had nothing compared to this. It wasn’t even comparable. Dahil ngayon, ang init-init ng katawan ko. I started sweating as I felt Devlin’s tongue playing with my folds.

“Look at me, Yelizaveta.”

And I did. I watched him while he was kneeling down in front of me, licking the most sensitive part of my body. But I feel like I wanted something more. I wanted him to lick me more. May mas gusto pa akong pasadahan ng dila n’ya.

So, I moved my hips. I saw him smirk, but he held my hips down. Pinipigilan akong gumalaw. Then I saw him close his eyes as his tongue delved deeper and his other hand spread my folds even wider so he could taste me more.

Napasabunot ako sa buhok n’ya. Hindi ko na alam kung saan ba ako dapat humawak o kumuha ng suporta. Nanginginig ang bawat kalamnan ko at pakiramdam ko, anumang oras ay mawawalan ako ng lakas.

Devlin hardened his tongue and inserted it in the opening. Halos mapasigaw ako sa ginawa n’ya. My hips were moving involuntarily pero kapag gumalaw lang ako nang bahagya ay mas idinidiin ni Devlin ang balakang ko sa pinto.

“I can’t—”

Holy shit, I can’t even stand up straight anymore.

Nakapikit pa rin s’ya, parang sarap na sarap sa ginagawa while I was suffering here, as I didn’t know what to do to keep myself steady. That sensation that I felt earlier became too much. Parang naiipon at may gustong kumawala.

And when Devlin flattened his tongue again, licking his way up until he reached my clit, sucked it, and even bit it lightly, I almost screamed.

“Fucking—”

I covered my mouth with my hands. Oh, no. I think someone would hear me. Nasa pintuan pa rin kami. Kapag may dumaan, siguradong maririnig ang ingay ko.

So, I bit my lower lip. Mas diniinan ko ang pagkakatakip sa bibig ko. Devlin was sucking that sensitive bundle of nerves at ramdam kong anumang oras, may kakawala na sa ’kin

“Devlin…” I panted. “I can’t—anymore.”

Ang isang kamay ko ay mas dumiin ang pagkakasabunot sa buhok n’ya. I buried his face more in that part between my legs.

I saw him opening his eyes. There was so much lust in those black orbs that almost set me over the edge.

“Rock your hips, love…” he said. “Ride my face.”

And so, I did. I moved my hips, rocking it against his face. Devlin was still moving his tongue. Parang sinasabayan ang paggalaw ko. I was moaning. Dalawang kamay ko na ang nakasabunot sa buhok n’ya.

Then, I rocked my hips harder. Sunod-sunod ang malalakas na ungol na pinakawalan ko. And a few moments later, I reached my orgasm so hard that it blinded me.

Maingay akong napasinghap habang nanginginig ang buong katawan ko. I was still coming and Devlin prolonged it as he wouldn’t stop licking me. He drank all my juices and licked me clean hanggang sa bumigay na ang mga tuhod ko.

Devlin was quick to catch me. Mabilis n’ya akong binuhat at nanghihinang napasandal na lang ako sa dibdib n’ya. I was still trying to catch my breath when I felt him lay me down on his bed.

He kissed me hard, and I almost tasted myself from him. Napaungol ako dahil doon. Naramdaman kong pumipisil na naman ang mga kamay n’ya sa dibdib ko.

“I can’t decide if your tits or your pussy is more delicious,” he said against my lips. “Give me another taste.”

Humiwalay s’ya sa ’kin at nakita kong unti-unti s’yang lumuluhod sa paanan ng kama.

“What…?”

He lifted my legs. Ipinatong ang mga paa ko sa kama at pinaghiwalay ang mga hita ko.

“Wait!” I tried to stop him, but he gave me a hard look. His jaw was clenching. Parang hindi nagustuhan ang ginawa kong pagpigil sa kanya.

“Don’t stop me now, love…” he said between his gritted teeth. He gave me a dangerous look. “I’m planning on giving you multiple orgasms tonight.”

And just like that, he pulled me by the hips towards the end of the bed. All I could do was moan when he licked my still-sensitive folds again.

Chapter 17

WARNING: R18

---

I was still feeling sensitive, so the moment Devlin’s tongue brushed against my folds, halos mapaatras ako. My body jerked and my thighs closed with the movement, but Devlin held it down firmly. Para bang ayaw n’yang maistorbo sa ginagawa. Napasinghap ako nang mas ibinuka n’ya pa ang mga hita ko so he could lick my folds more thoroughly.

Napahawak ako sa buhok ni Devlin. I tried to push him away. I really couldn’t take that he was licking my folds again when I just reached my orgasm. I didn’t have enough time to recover, and yet it seemed as if he didn’t care if I was still sensitive and did what he wanted to do. As if he had wanted to do it for so long, and now that he was given the chance, he wanted to take more of me. He wanted to take every chance he got.

But he didn’t let me. Sa tingin ko pa nga ay mas nagalit s’ya sa pagpupumilit kong itinulak s’ya. He let out a dissatisfied groan and held both of my hands that were pushing him. Ang mga braso n’ya ay pumailalim sa mga hita ko so he could hold my hands while still pushing my thighs down, preventing me from closing them together.

Devlin flattened his tongue and licked my folds thoroughly. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang mainit n’yang dila na naglalaro sa kaselanan ko, wetting that part even more with his sinful tongue. Sinful as the more that he licked me there, the more that I wanted it. Kung noong una ay itinutulak ko pa s’ya, now I was moaning and my hips started moving, sinasalubong ang paggalaw ng dila n’ya.

It felt so fucking good. Parang ayaw ko na s’yang tumigil doon. But at the same time, I wanted more. I wanted to reach something again. I wanted him to please me more. Sa palagay ko ay mababaliw na ako kapag hindi pa n’ya ibinigay sa akin ang gusto ko.

“More,” I whimpered. “Please, Devlin.”

I heard his low baritone chuckle as if he was taunting that I was begging him. I should feel embarrassed. I never thought I would beg him over something like this. Just a few days ago, I was pissed off at him. Just a few days ago, he kept getting on my nerves. But now he was on his knees, pleasuring me with his warm and wet tongue, and I was already under his mercy.

But Devlin gave me what I wanted. I felt his tongue circling my clit before he sucked it. Malakas akong napaungol pero agad kong kinagat ang ibabang labi ko sa pag-aalalang may makarinig noon. Pero tumigil sila Devlin that made me let out a frustrated groan. Bahagya pang gumalaw ang balakang ko.

“Don’t suppress your moan,” he said with a commanding tone. “I want to hear every sound you make, Yelizaveta.”

I nodded. I would do everything he wanted just so he would make me feel good again.

“Yes,” I breathe. “Please, Devlin… make me come.”

He smirked at me, pleased with what he’d heard. But his head dipped down. His tongue connected with my clit again. This time, mabilis ang naging paglalaro n’ya roon. He played with that sensitive bundle of nerves; he sucked it with so much force and I let out a long moan with the pleasure that assaulted me. Binitiwan ni Devlin ang kamay ko para mas ibuka ang mga hita ko. My hands went up his hair, pulling the soft strands, while his tongue continued its way, doing whatever he wanted with my folds.

Malakas akong napaungol nang maramdaman ang pagpasok ng isa n’yang daliri sa loob ko. My eyes widened with the strange feeling it gave me. It was a new feeling but it added to the sensation. Napaangat pa nga ang balakang ko at sinalubong ang paggalaw ng daliri n’ya.

He moved his finger in and out of my core while his tongue continued licking my clit and sucking it. Mas lalong lumakas ang mga ungol na kumakawala sa bibig ko. I felt the sensation building inside my tummy. I knew I was about to reach my peak again. And Devlin knew it. Dahil mas bumilis ang galaw ng daliri n’ya. He sucked my clit more thoroughly that I think it might get swollen after this.

“Oh, my—”

I let out a long moan when I came hard. Halos mabingi ako this time and I closed my eyes tightly as I calmed down. But Devlin prolonged my orgasm as he inserted another finger.

He fucked me with his fingers even though I just came. Muli akong napasabunot sa buhok n’ya. Hindi ko alam kung itutulak s’ya o ano dahil grabeng sensasyon ang idinudulot ng ginagawa n’ya sa ’kin. My body was still sensitive for the orgasm that he gave me but here he was, fucking me with his fingers while still sucking my clit.

“Devlin—”

Halos hindi na ako makahinga. I didn’t know where I was anymore. Wala na rin akong pakialam sa malalakas at mahahabang ungol na pinapakawalan ko. My hips rocked against his face. Mas lalo kong idiniin ang ulo n’ya sa gitna ng mga hita ko and Devlin flattened his tongue while licking my clit this time as the movement of his fingers became fast.

“Holy…”

Oh, my God… Mababaliw na yata ako. Hindi ko alam kung saan ibabaling ang ulo ko. I wanted to watch him but the sensation was too much for me. My body arched and my head tilted back. I wanted Devlin to stop but I wanted what he was making me feel as well.

Dumiin ang pagkakasabunot ko sa buhok n’ya. I knew I was near again. Sunod-sunod ang mabibigat na paghingang ginagawa ko. I was feeling so hot that I was sweating so much. But it doesn’t matter. All I was focused on was Devlin’s tongue on my clit, his fingers thrusting in and out of my core, and his face between my thighs.

“I’m coming…” I breathe. “Oh, my God, Devlin, I’m coming!”

Mas bumilis ang galaw ng mga daliri n’ya. And when he sucked my clit so hard that pain and pleasure mixed, the orgasm hit me so hard that my legs shook so much. My mouth opened, trying to breathe some air pero masyadong matindi ang ibinigay sa ’kin ni Devlin ngayon na hindi ako makahinga. Malakas ang ungol na pinakawalan ko.

And when I came down, ramdam na ramdam ko ang pagtibok ng puso ko sa loob ng dibdib ko. Hingal na hingal ako. I was breathing so hard and my body was still shaking for the intense orgasm that Devlin gave me. Mahina pa akong napaungol nang maramdaman kong hinugot n’ya ang mga daliri n’ya sa loob ko.

“Open your mouth,” he said as he placed himself on top of me.

Hinang-hina ako but I did what he said. I opened my mouth and Devlin shoved his middle and ring finger inside.

“Lick,” he ordered. “C’mon… Taste yourself.”

It felt as if I was doing something immoral. It felt embarrassing. But Devlin moved his fingers as if he was finger-fucking my mouth this time, but sensually. Mabagal n’yang inilalabas-pasokang mga daliri n’ya sa bibig ko. While my tongue encircled them, tasting my own juice off them. Ramdam ko ang pamumula ng mukha ko pero nagpatuloy lang ako sa ginagawa.

Then his fingers started playing with my tongue. Iniipit n’ya iyon sa pagitan ng mga daliri n’ya. Paikot n’yang iginalaw ang mga daliri sa loob ng bibig ko. He even used his thumb, holding my tongue and spit formed in the corners of my mouth. Napaungol ako sa paggalaw ng mga daliri n’ya sa loob ng bibig ko.

“You look so fucking hot, Yelizaveta…”

When I looked at him, I saw lust and desire in his eyes as he watched me lick his fingers. Hindi ko na inalis ang tingin sa kanya. I was looking into his eyes while licking his fingers. And I saw something in those orbs snapped.

Parang hindi na n’ya nakayanan. Inalis n’ya ang mga daliri sa bibig ko at nanggigigil akong hinalikan na halos bumaon ang ulo ko sa malambot na kama. No matter how hard it is to answer his kisses, hindi ko talaga mapantayan ang intesidad n’ya. He kissed me forcefully as if he wanted to take everything from me. And I couldn’t do anything but give whatever he wanted. Not that I would complain though. With what I was feeling right now, I think I would offer him everything that I have.

He pulled away and took something from the drawer of his bedside table. Hinila n’ya ako paupo sa kama while he stood in front of me. He tore off the foil wrapper that he was holding with his teeth and his hand and gave the rubber inside to me.

“Wrap me up,” he said as he finally took off the towel covering his lower half.

I already knew that Devlin’s… thing was… enormous. I’ve already seen it the night I caught him pleasuring himself. Even though it was dark, the way he held his cock na halos hindi iyon magkasya sa kanya gave me the idea that his thing was huge. And I already felt it between my thighs the first time we kissed.

But seeing that thing in front of me was so different. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. My lips parted as I stared at the thing between his thighs. It was erected so it looked even bigger.

Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. A part of me got really scared. Parang bigla ay gusto kong umatras. I was so sure that it would hurt me greatly.

It looked so big! And I was petite and small compared to him! I knew I was tall pero kapag katabi ko s’ya ay nagmumukha kasi akong maliit. And staring at his cock right now made me realize more of our differences.

“It’s so… It’s so big…” No. Big is an understatement. Napatingala ako kay Devlin. “You’re… gigantic.”

He chuckled at the adjective I used. I couldn’t help it! I was looking for the right word and I think gigantic was the one! He was really huge!

He reached for me and held my jaw before he gave me a deep kiss. His tongue played inside my mouth, sucking whatever awareness I was still left with. For a moment, nakalimutan ko kung anong kinatatakot ko at dinama lang kung gaano kasarap ang halik n’ya. Ang bawat paghagod ng dila n’ya sa mga labi ko, memorizing the outline before sucking my lips. Bahaya n’yang kinagat ang ibabang labi ko. He pulled it between his teeth as he pulled away.

“Wrap me up,” he whispered again against my lips.

“I don’t know how to…”

“It’s alright. I’ll guide you.”

Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko habang hawak ang condom. It was my first time holding something like this. Even just holding it felt… sinful and scandalous. Even though I knew I was not doing anything wrong.

“Hold my cock, Yelizaveta.”

Mabilis akong nag-angat ng tingin kay Devlin.

“What?”

“You have to hold my cock so you can put the condom on me.”

I bit my lower lip. I looked at his cock. Mas lalong nanginig ang mga kamay ko habang ang isa kong kamay ay sinubukang hawakan iyon. It felt hard and velvety against my soft palm. I even heard him groan when I held it.

“Are you okay?” tanong ko, worried that I was doing it wrong.

“Yes,” he said through his gritted teeth. “Pinch the tip of the condom.” I did what he said. “Put it on the head and roll it down my shaft all the way to the base.”

My hands were trembling so hard as I rolled the condom down his shaft carefully. It felt warm, really hard, and huge! My hands couldn’t hold it whole. Parang ang liit-liit ng mga kamay ko compared to that thing!

Mas lalo pa akong kinabahan dahil sunod-sunod ang pinapakawalang mabibigat na paghinga ni Devlin. I even noticed his muscles on his tummy clenching. And when I successfully put the condom on, I looked up to him. Agad n’yang inatake ang mga labi ko at mariin akong hinalikan kaya napahiga ulit ako sa kama.

I didn’t know if it was because I just held his length, but I felt really aroused. I was moaning while Devlin was kissing me with so much ferocity. He even fondled my breast, pinching my nipples, which made my back arch. I hugged his body and ran my nails on his back, scratching him and I heard his groan as he bit my lower lip hard.

I gasped in pain and Devlin inserted his wet tongue inside my mouth. I was feeling so much lust, even more than before that I wanted him to do more than this. Napasabunot ako sa buhok n’ya nang sipsipin n’ya ang dila ko bago bumaba ang mga labi n’ya sa leeg ko at mariing kinagat ang balat ko roon.

“Devlin!”

He made sure he left a mark before he sucked one of my nipples. He placed himself on top of me and moved his hips, grazing my folds with his erect cock.

“Oh…” I bit my lower lip. “Devlin, please…”

Bumalik ang mga labi n’ya sa bibig ko.

“I want to hear you scream my name,” he said between our kisses. “I want to make you come so hard you forget your own name.”

He moved his hips again. Napasunod ang balakang ko, wanting to feel more of him. I didn’t want him to only graze his cock against my folds.

“Please…”

He chuckled.

“Look at you, begging for my cock.” He rocked his hips again. “My greedy little slut.”

Napadilat ako. He was looking down at me, watching every bit of my reaction.

“Devlin… please…” I was starting to feel frustrated.

“Are you my good girl?” he asked. Halata ang pang-aasar sa boses n’ya. “Are you mine?”

“Yes!” halos maisigaw ko sa sobrang frustrated. “Take me, Devlin, please… I’m yours.”

He chuckled. He held my thighs and spread them more. Pagkatapos ay bumaba ang mukha n’ya para bulungan ako.

“You come on my cock, you’re mine.”

With that, I felt him enter me slowly. I think it was only the tip but the pain I felt was so great that I almost screamed. Mariin akong napapikit sa sakit at ramdam ko pa ang panunubig ng mga mata ko.

“Shh…” Devlin tried to comfort me. “It’s alright, love.”

“It hurts,” I cried.

It hurts so damn much! He was really big! I don’t think I can take his size!

I moved my hips, hoping that the pain would ease pero mas lalo pang lumala ’yon. Narinig ko ang pagmumura n’ya.

“Stay still, Yeliza—”

But I moved my hips again.

“Devlin!” I screamed his name in pain.

“Fucking damn it!”

With that, Devlin shoved his cock inside me in one shift move. The pain blinded me so much that I think I even stopped breathing. Hindi ako makahinga sa sobrang sakit and all I could feel was the pain of his invasion. Nobody could ever prepare me for this.

Pakiramdam ko ay may napunit sa loob ko. I literally cried and tears fell from my eyes. My nails dug his back and I knew I was hurting him but Devlin didn’t show any sign that he was in pain. Instead, he kissed my tears away. His kisses were so gentle, giving me comfort from the pain that I just felt.

“Shh… It’ll be alright, love…” he whispered, planting soft kisses all over my face.

I sobbed. But when he kissed my lips, I kissed him back. Noong una ay marahan pa ang halik n’ya, parang sinusuyo ako, hanggang sa lumalim iyon.

His tongue attacked the inside of my mouth. In no time, I was moaning again. Nakalimutan ko na ang sakit. Mas lumakas ang ungol ko nang bumaba ang mga labi n’ya sa leeg ko, and then he sucked my breasts again.

“Devlin,” I whimpered.

He reached for my clit and started playing it. He was rubbing it with his fingers, even putting pressure on it. Sunod-sunod ang naging pag-ungol ko. Hindi ko na napigilan ang paggalaw ng balakang ko sa sobrang sensasyong nararamdaman.

But Devlin didn’t like it. He bit my nipple and I gasped in pain and pleasure. Napatingala ako at sinubukang huminga gamit ang bibig.

“Please…” I begged. “I want more.”

Devlin looked at me. Marahan n’yang iginalaw ang balakang, pinapanood ang reaction ko. I moaned. Napapikit pa ako at napakagat sa pang-ibabang labi ko. The pain was still there but the pleasure was already too much. Mas nangingibabaw ang sarap na nararamdaman ko.

“More,” I moaned and moved my hips.

“Fuck,” I heard Devlin curse between his gritted teeth.

He held my thighs, isinampay iyon sa mga braso n’ya. Then he pulled away slowly, making me gasp, until only the head of his cock was left inside me. And then he dove deep too forcefully, this time, pain and pleasure blinded me.

Napahawak ako sa mga braso n’ya para kumuha ng suporta. Pakiramdam ko, malalaglag ako. As if I was already on top and then I was released and fell fast while I was on the highest peak. Ilang beses ganoon ang naging galaw n’ya. Pulling away slowly, leaving only the head inside, and would thrust his hips with so much force.

I couldn’t take it. The sensation was too much. Hindi ako makahinga sa sobrang sarap na nararamdaman ko. Halos tumigil pa ang pagtibok ng puso ko sa bawat biglaang pag-ulos ng balakang n’ya, reaching that part where I was more sensitive.

It felt so fucking good. Bumabaon ang mga kuko ko sa balat n’ya. But I couldn’t stop my reaction to his movements. Ilan pang sandali ay nararamdaman ko na ang pamumuo ng kung ano sa loob ko.

“Goodness…” I breathe. “I’m going to come.”

I heard Devlin chuckle.

“Not so fast…” he said. “I need this to last, Yelizaveta.”

I let out a frustrated groan when he slowed his pace and then he completely stopped moving. Mas nainis ako. I moved my hips but he held it down. Nakita ko ang ngisi sa mga labi n’ya. I think he was clearly enjoying what he was doing to me. Ngayon ko lang nakitang hindi s’ya natatakot magpakita ng reaction sa mukha n’ya.

He put an arm around my waist and moved me on top of the bed. He took my hands and held me to the headboard. He leaned down and gave me a deep kiss.

Napaungol ako at hindi na napansin ang pagbabago ng posisyon n’ya. He was now pinning one of my thighs with his knee on the bed, while the other was on his shoulders. I felt so exposed in front of him. My thighs spreading apart and I could feel him better inside of me. My insides were stretching so much at how big he was. Pakiramdam ko ay punong-puno ang loob ko. He was filling me in.

And then he fucked me hard.

The bed moved with so much force with his every thrust. I could even hear the bed creaking and my hold on the headboard tightened. Pakirandam ko ay hindi na ako makakabalik kung nasaan ako kapag nakabitaw ako.

He was hugging my thighs, thrusting his hips so hard. Dahil sa posisyon namin ay baon na baon ang pagkalalaki n’ya sa loob ko. I could even hear our skins slapping together. Nanginginig ang kalamnan ko sa sobrang sensasyong nararamdaman.

It felt so fucking good. Painful, but good. Especially when Devlin started to play with my clit again.

“Devlin… I’m coming…”

Then he slowed his movements. Halos mapaiyak ako sa frustration na nararamdaman. I could feel that I was near, but he wasn’t giving it to me easily.

“Please!” I moved my hips pero mas dinaganan n’ya ang isang hita ko.

He chuckled.

“You should see how good you look right now.”

“Devlin…” I cried. “Make me come, please.”

He looked down on me. His eyes were intense.

“I wonder what those people would say if they saw their kind angel begging me to fuck her.”

My insides clenched around his shaft. I didn’t know, but I think I was beginning to like his dirty talk. It sounded… scandalous yet… hot.

“Fuck me, Devlin… Make me come.”

He smirked at me. Halos panindigan ako ng balahibo sa nakikita sa mga mata n’ya. He looked dangerous. It felt as if everything was going according to his plan.

“Remember, love… You come on my cock, you’re mine. And I won’t ever let you go.”

I nodded. I would do everything so he would give me what I wanted.

“Yes…” I breathed. “I’m yours, Devlin… Make me come.”

With that, he fucked me hard again. The bed vibrated with his movements at ramdam ko umaangat ako papunta sa ulunan ng kama. My head was hitting the headboard. Mabilis na hinila ni Devlin ang katawan ko pababa na parang wala lang ang timbang ko sa kanya. As if I weighed like paper and then he dove deep and fast, hitting my spot that built so much pleasure and sensation inside of me.

I was moaning, thrashing my head from side to side. Devlin was pushing himself inside me to the hilt. Ramdam ko ang pamumuo ng kung ano sa loob ko. And I could already tell that this time, it would be more intense than the orgasm I had before.

“Fuck!” Devlin hissed, Mas naging marahas pa ang paggalaw n’ya.

“Devlin,” I breathe. “I’m—”

Hindi ko na naituloy ang sasabihin ko. I came, hard. My orgasm was too much that I think I stopped breathing. Pakiramdam ko ay marami akong nailabas. It was long and too much sensation as Devlin was prolonging it by still thrusting his hips. Pagkatapos ay basta n’ya na lang hinugot ang pagkakalaki n’ya.

My body jerked. I was still coming so hard. I could feel that I was still releasing juices. I wanted to stop it lalo pa at pinapanood ni Devlin ang paglabas noon. His eyes were so intense as he watched the juices coming off from me.

And then, as if he couldn’t take it anymore, even though I wasn’t finished yet, he thrust his cock inside me again. Mabilis ang paggalaw n’ya. I could hear him groaning with his every forceful thrust. Parang may inaabot habang hindi nilulubayan ng tingin ang mukha ko.

“Fucking—” He thrust deep. “Fuck!”

His body convulsed. I was still coming and Devlin came with me. Hinang-hina ako pagkatapos at hindi ko na ininda nang bumagsak ang katawan n’ya sa ibabaw ko.

We were both catching our breath. Ilang sandali kaming nasa ganoong ayos. Devlin was planting soft kisses on my face, murmuring some words that I couldn’t understand because of exhaustion.

And then, a sob came out of my lips.

“I peed.” I sobbed. “I peed, Devlin.”

Naluha ako sa sobrang kahihiyan. I think I really peed! Ang dami kong inilabas kanina! I could even see some of it splashing out. And what’s worse, Devlin watched it all!

Ramdam kong hinalikan ni Devlin ang noo ko.

“Of course, not…” he said softly. “You ejaculated.”

Sinubukan kong tingnan ang mukha n’ya.

“What?”

“You squirted.” His lips curled for a smirk. “I didn’t know that you’re a squirter.”

“Devlin!”

“Fucking hot.”

I tried to get off him. Pero agad ding napatigil ang maramdam ang sakit sa pagitan ng mga hita ko. Mukhang napansin ni Devlin ang pagngiwi ko.

“Don’t move yet.”

I sobbed.

“It hurts.”

“I know…” Marahan n’yang pinatakan ng halik ang noo ko. “Stay here.”

He pulled his length off me slowly. Napaungol pa ako. He kissed my thigh and stood up as he walked to the bathroom, not minding his own nakedness. He took off his condom while walking and he disappeared inside the bathroom.

Dahan-dahan kong sinubukang umupo. Pero hindi ko kinaya at itinukod na lang ang mga siko ko sa kama. I could see the wet spot on the bed because of my juices. Basang-basa iyon. Mas lalong namula ang mukha ko sa kahihiyan.

Oh, no… I caused that. I wet the bed. Hindi ko akalain na lalabasan ako ng ganoong karami.

Devlin went back with a wet hand towel in his hand. Muli n’ya akong pinahiga at nilinisan ako. I felt him gently wiping that part off with the warm towel. Napapikit pa ako sa ginahawang naramdaman. The pain lessened because of it.

“We should change the sheets,” I said after a while.

“Hmm.” He continued gently cleaning me. Halos makatulog pa nga ako roon. But then I remember the wet spot on the bed at muli akong napadilat.

“Devlin… We should change the sheet.”

I heard him take a deep breath.

“Will you sleep beside me if I do?”

I lazily smiled at his question.

“I don’t even plan on going anywhere tonight. That’s why I said we should change the sheet.”

He chuckled. He kissed the insides of my thighs. I let out a moan.

“Ako na,” he said. “You should drink water.”

I nodded.

“Help me get up. I need to pee.”

He didn’t just help me get up. Binuhat n’ya pa ako papuntang banyo at marahang ibinaba sa may toilet bowl.

“Wait here.” Pagbalik n’ya at may dala na s’yang isang basong tubig. Inubos ko ang laman no’n at ibinigay sa kanya ang baso. Napatingala na lang ako nang may ilang sandali ay nakatayo pa rin s’ya sa harap ko.

“I’m going to pee,” I informed him.

“Will you be okay?”

I frowned at him.

“Of course. Palitan mo na lang ang bedsheet.”

Nakita ko pa ang pag-aalinlangan sa mga mata n’ya bago tumango. He didn’t close the door pero hinayaan ko na. I did my business.

When I tried to pee, I realized why he was so reluctant to leave. Holy fucking shit, it hurts to pee! Sa tingin ko ay may napunit talaga sa loob ko kaya ang sakit-sakit umihi ngayon!

I sobbed. I bit my lower lip. It hurt so fucking much but I held in. Tiniis ko ang sakit at patuloy na umihi.

I can’t! Ang sakit talaga! I was crying while peeing!

Sobrang tagal ng pag-ihi ko. I was controlling the pee that was coming out from me para hindi gaanong kasakit. Kaya naabutan ako ni Devlin sa ganoong tagpo. Natapos na siguro sa pagpapalit ng bedsheet kaya binalikan na ako roon.

“You should’ve called for me,” sabi n’ya na lumuhod sa harapan ko. Parang may ideya na sa kung anong nangyayari sa ’kin.

I sobbed. Devlin hugged me. I cried in his chest while I emptied my bladder. It was ridiculous and I will probably laugh at this scene when I remember this in the future but at this moment, hindi ko matawanan ang sitwasyon ko.

Ganito ba talaga kasakit? Or Devlin was just really huge?

“I’m okay…” sabi ko nang matapos.

“Do you want to rest?” he asked and I nodded. I felt him kiss the top of my head. “Alright. Hold on to me.”

He carried me again in his arms. He felt strong and comfortable. His chest was broad and I think I could sleep using his chest as a pillow.

Naramdaman ko ang marahan n’yang pagbaba ng katawan ko sa kama. He lay down beside me. He covered our still naked bodies with comforter.

He pulled my body close to him. Hindi na ako nagreklamo nang ipinaunan n’ya ang isang braso n’ya sa ’kin while his other snaked around my waist. I was enclosed in his hug and that was the most comfortable place I ever felt.

“I never thought I’d have a woman this stunning sharing the bed with me,” I heard him whisper.

Napangiti ako at mas isiniksik pa ang katawan ko sa kanya. I even placed a kiss on his chest.

“Good night, Devlin…” I mumbled. Unti-unti na akong tinatamaan ng antok.

I felt him kiss my hair.

“Good night, love…”

Chapter 18

I woke up feeling so comfortable that I really didn’t want to get out of bed that morning. It felt warm and cozy, as if it was the safest place in the entire world that I could be and that no danger would ever fall upon me if I just stayed there. So, I snuggled closer to that comfortable. I heard a deep, raspy chuckle before I felt the arms tightening around me.

“Good morning, love…” He planted a kiss on my still-closed eyes. “Still sleepy?”

Kusang gumuhit ang ngiti sa mga labi ko. His bedroom voice sounded seductive, although I knew that it wasn’t his intention. He just really has a deep, baritone voice. At mas nagtunog paos iyon ngayong umaga plus the exhaustion of what we did last night.

Or was it still last night? Kaninang dawn pala. I don’t know what time we slept pero pagod na pagod pa rin ang pakiramdam ko ngayon. I really still wanted to sleep beside him, but I knew I had to get up. Baka hanapin ako ni Daddy at magtaka kung bakit wala ako sa room ko when it was still so early. I wasn’t allowed to leave the house pa naman after what happened.

So, even if I was still unwilling, I opened my eyes. Nabungaran ko ang gwapong mukha ni Devlin na nakatitig lang sa ’kin. Parang pinapanood pa nga ang unti-unting pagdilat ng mga mata ko.

I rubbed the sleep off my eyes. Halos mapangiwi ako sa sakit na naramdaman sa buong katawan ko sa slight movement na ’yon.

“Did you sleep?” I asked. He nodded once. “How long are you awake na?”

“An hour.” Hindi n’ya pa rin inaalis ang tingin sa ’kin.

I frowned at him.

“You should’ve woken me up.”

His gaze was soft while he was still staring at me. He flattened the frown on my forehead with his thumb before his arm snaked through my body again. Nakadagan din ang isa binti sa mga binti ko. Parang ayaw na n’ya akong pakawalan.

Well… I don’t mind. I actually liked waking up enveloped in his arms.

“I love watching you sleep in my arms,” he said.

Mas lalo akong napangiti.

“Surprisingly, I love sleeping in your arms too.”

And to prove my point, iniyakap ko ang isang braso ko sa katawan n’ya kahit ramdam ko ang pananakit ng katawan. He was still naked, so I could really feel how hard his body was. Parang walang malambot sa katawan n’ya. I could even feel that… thing poking my tummy na pilit kong binabawela as I know that it is just normal for men in the morning. I was trying so hard not to blush.

I heard and felt him chuckle. I realized what a good morning it was waking up inside his arms and hearing his chuckle.

“Good morning, Devlin.” I couldn’t help but greet him.

“How are you feeling?” I felt him lightly brushing my hair with his fingers. Magaan ang galaw n’ya and it actually tickled me, but it was also making me feel sleepy.

I closed my eyes as I groaned.

“Sore… I don’t even want to move.”

Masakit na masakit ang katawan ko. I didn’t even feel this kind of pain whenever I was starving myself because I had a photo shoot or fashion show. Ayoko na talagang gumalaw as I would feel my sore muscles more if I moved. I even want to groan even with a slight movement pero nakakahiya naman kay Devlin.

“You should eat breakfast.”

Umiling ako. Kahit iyon ay nahirapan akong gawin. I just really want to remain lying down here in his arms comfortably. But…

“I have to go back to my room,” I said. Tiningala ko s’ya. “Baka hanapin ako ni Dad.”

Nakita ko agad ang pagtutol sa mga mata n’ya. I actually liked that he was finally showing emotion. Ayokong-ayoko kasi talaga noong dati. I felt as if… I wasn’t someone important to him to even bother wasting emotions on me.

I sighed. I tried to get up so I could talk to him properly. Pinakawalan n’ya naman ako. Pero hindi pa nga ako nakakaupo nang maayos when I felt pain all over my body! Especially sa ilalim ng thighs ko! It seemed like Devlin stretched it so much kanina kaya Ganito na lang kasakit!

I went back to bed, groaning.

“What’s wrong?” tanong agad ni Devlin.

“My body hurts!” Sinubukan ko ulit umupo. Aalalayan pa nga sana ako ni Devlin pero umiling na lang ako. “It’s alright. I can do this.”

I have to get used to this pain! Mas sasakit lang ang katawan ko kapag hindi ako gumalaw.

I managed to sit, but it was uncomfortable as my lower half hurt so much. Ramdam ko rin ang sakit sa loob ko. I should’ve expected this after I saw how huge Devlin was! I couldn’t believe that it actually went inside me. Like nagkasya sa ’kin ang ganoong kalaki?

I was covering my body with the comforter. Itinaas ko ang mga tuhod ko sa dibdib para mas maipit iyon sa katawan ko. When I looked at Devlin, he was still lying on the bed. Bahagya kong nahigit ang comforter sa katawan n’ya so only his lower half was covered. Ginawa n’yang unan ang isang braso and I had to stop biting my lower lip when I saw how he looked so… good. Parang hindi ko na kailangan ng breakfast right at that time.

He looked like he was modeling the bed. I really couldn’t blame Arty for not giving up recruiting Devlin as his talent.

“Pwede ko bang malaman what happened yesterday?” I asked.

That was what I was planning to do last night. To ask him, so I waited for him. Pero iba ang nangyari.

“About what?” Inabot n’ya ang dulo ng buhok ko at pinaglaruan iyon ng mga daliri n’ya.

“Is everything really okay? Like… wala talagang problem?”

I saw a ghost smile playing on his lips.

“Yes… everything’s fine. You don’t have to worry about anything.”

“Is it really? It seemed big since Dad even called the Pakhan over. I wasn’t expecting Dad to do that.”

“It is the right way, Yelizaveta… You’re a Bratva princess, the only princess of the Aslanovs. The Pakhan has a say in what happened. He has power over everything. That’s how things work in the mafia.”

Napalunok ako. I already knew about me being a mafia princess but I didn’t give it any importance before. Lalo pa at parang iniiwas ako ni Daddy na mas maging involved sa mga mafia, even if I am the child of one.

But now, I realize what a big thing it is to be Aslanov’s only child. Parang kapag napahamak ako, o kahit masaktan lang nang kaunti, it would reflect on Devlin.

I heard him sigh. Bumangon si Devlin at umupo rin sa kama.

“I told you everything’s fine,” he said. “I’ll remain as your bodyguard. The Pakhan was generous to give me this last chance.”

I looked at him guiltily.

“I’m really sorry, Devlin…”

He took a deep breath. Nagulat ako nang bigla s’yang gumalaw. He took me in his arms. Ang isang braso ay pumailalim sa likod ng mga tuhod ko while the other one was on my back. He lifted my body lightly and made me sit on his lap. Patagilid akong nakaupo sa mga hita n’ya.

“Wait—”

Hinabol ko pa ang comforter nang mahulog iyon sa katawan ko at muling itinakip sa ’kin. Devlin chuckled at my movement.

“Why bother covering yourself when I’ve already seen all of it? I even tasted every part of you.”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko.

“Devlin!”

He touched a part of my neck, iyong sa collarbone. Muntik pa akong mapapitlag sa hawak n’ya.

“See? I even left marks to make sure you’re mine.”

Sinimangutan ko s’ya. I can’t believe the words coming out of his mouth!

Inabot ko ang likod ng ulo n’ya at sumabunot sa buhok n’ya roon. He chuckled. Hinuli n’ya ang kamay ko at isa-isang hinalikan ang mga daliri ko. When he looked at me, seryoso na ang mga mata n’ya.

“Promise me not to ever leave my sight again, Yelizaveta. I can’t protect you where I can’t see you.”

“Devlin…”

“I don’t know what to do if something happens to you.” He looked at me straight in the eye. “So, promise me, love. Always stay by my side. Always stay where I can see you.”

His eyes were so serious as he stared at me. Na para bang sa sagot ko nakalalay ang lahat. As if my answer was the most important thing right now.

So, I nodded. I softly smiled at him.

“I promised, Devlin.”

His lips formed into a smirk. Kapag ganito s’ya, it felt as if I just fell into his trap.

But I really didn’t mind.

“Good girl.”

When he dipped his head, I didn’t refuse his kisses. I even encircled my arms around his neck and kissed him back. I felt his arms tighten around me, and I did the same. Mas inilapit ko pa ang sarili ko sa kanya and I was the one who deepened the kiss.

I heard him groan. He attacked my lips this time as if he didn’t want me to take over the kiss. Marahas ang naging halik n’ya. I realized this was the way he just kissed. Parang nanghihingop ng lakas. As if he wanted to take everything from me, even all of my strength, so I could do nothing but surrender myself to him.

He was nibbling my lower lip. Dumidiin iyon sa bawat pagkagat n’ya. I already knew that he likes to bite to napangiti pa rin ako. Now, I had an idea na para bang gusto n’ya akong kainin ng buo. Even though he already had his fill of me last night.

His hands started to roam my body. Ramdam ko pa ang pag-alis n’ya ng comforter sa katawan ko before he reached for my breast. He started fondling it roughly. Bumabaon pa nga ang mga daliri n’ya sa balikat ko. And when he inserted his tongue inside my mouth and pinched my nipple, I couldn’t stop the moan that escaped from my lips.

I was starting to feel aroused. Ramdam ko ang pag-init ng paligid. I was already gripping his soft hair between my fingers and arching my body para mas maidikit sa kanya. I could even feel him rubbing his erection on my thighs na mas lalong nagpapainit lang sa ’kin.

Oh, my God… nakakawala talaga sa katinuan ang mga halik n’ya!

But I have to get a hold of myself. There were other things we still had to talk about.

“Devlin,” I said between our kisses. It sounded like a moan. “Devlin.”

Inilagay ko ang mga kamay ko sa pagitan ng mga dibdib n’ya at bahagya s’yang itinulak. I even pulled myself away from the kiss. I heard him groan. Hinabol pa n’ya ang mga labi ko pero pinigilan ko ang dibdib n’ya.

“We still need to talk,” I said, silently panting after the hot kiss we just shared.

“What?” he grumbled against his throat. Halatang hindi nagustuhan ang paglayo ko.

Alanganin tuloy ang tingin na ibinigay ko sa kanya.

“No one should about what happened between us.”

Natigilan s’ya. Nakatitig lang sa ’kin. Parang sinisiguro kung tam aba ang narinig.

And then I saw how much anger showed on his face.

“What the fuck did you say?”

“Devlin, calm down—”

“Do you fucking regret it?”

“Of course not!” mabilis kong sagot. “I like it. I like you… surprisingly.”

Or maybe it wasn’t even a surprise anymore. After what happened between us, I couldn’t deny the fact that I actually like him. Maybe ever since. That was why I was always irritated when he made me feel as if I was just a job for him whenever I saw his face with no emotion. Because I wanted him to put an effort into me. I wanted to show his emotions to me and know what he felt for me.

Palagi akong naiinis sa kanya because… I like him. Does that even make sense?

I like his attention only to me because I like him. I got jealous of Miss Popova. I got jealous of that woman he was talking with back when we were at the resort. I got jealous of everyone who got his attention.

I like my bodyguard. I like Devlin. More than I could ever think of.

Tahimik lang nakatingin si Devlin sa ’kin. It actually frustrated me, but at least, he calmed down.

And then, he tilted his head to the side without taking his eyes off me.

“I won’t let you go anyway,” he said.

Tumango ako.

“I know… But still, no one should know about what happened between us, especially my dad. I am sure that he’d definitely fire you as my bodyguard once he found out about us.” I cupped his face. “You won’t let me go, right? I don’t want you to go too. I want you by my side. So… let’s keep this between us, okay?”

“I don’t like this,” he said.

Halatang-halata ko naman iyon dahil nakikita ko ang inis sa mga mata n’ya. His jaw even clenched against my palms. Hinaplos ko iyon.

“I’m sorry… But we have to. Magagalit si Dad. And I’m a mafia princess, so I’m sure that the Pakhan will have a say about it.” Napasimangot ako. “Again.”

I didn’t like it. I didn’t like how a man I barely even knew had a say in my life. As if I have to get his permission first bago ako gumawa ng mga bagay. I already have an overprotective father. Tapos dadagdag pa si Serj.

May ilang sandaling nakatitig lang sa ’kin si Devlin bago ko narinig ang mabigat n’yang buntong-hininga. Parang ayaw na ayaw n’ya talaga ang sinabi ko.

“Alright,” he said. “But only for now, Yelizaveta. I’ll find a way for us to be together without keeping it a secret.”

Napangiti ako at tumango.

“Okay.”

“As long as you’re mine now.”

To give him assurance, I placed a deep kiss on his lips.

“I’m yours… And you’re mine too, right?” I asked against his lips kaya ramdam na ramdam ko ang pagngisi n’ya.

“Since the beginning, Yelizaveta.”

He kissed me deeply, nibbling my lips again. Pero bago pa iyon mas lumalim ay humiwalay na ako sa kanya.

“I really have to go back to my room.” I looked down at myself. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang may maalala. “But you ripped my dress!”

“Then you can just stay here.”

I rolled my eyes at him.

“Funny.”

“I’m serious.”

I almost rolled my eyes heavenward this time.

“Baka nakakalimutan mo. We just talked about this!”

Wala nang nagawa si Devlin kundi ang bitiwan ako kahit halatang-halata na labag sa loob n’ya. Marahan n’ya akong iniupo sa kama. Akmang tatayo na pero lumingon pa sa ’kin.

“Or pwedeng sabay muna tayong mag-shower,” he even said. Pinanlakihan ko s’ya ng mga mata.

“Devlin, ano ba? You’re makulit pala.”

He tsked.

“Alright, alright.”

Tumayo na rin s’ya. I watched him get dressed. Hindi talaga s’ya nag-aalangan na ipakita sa ’kin ang katawan n’ya. Samantalang ako ay hiyang-hiya pa.

Well, it’s not like he has something to be embarrassed about. Even the scar on his chest looked so perfect on him.

He just wore a simple shirt and cotton shorts. He gave me a black button-down shirt I had often seen him wearing, but it was so big that it looked like a dress on me. He even had to fold the sleeves para lumabas ang mga kamay ko.

Hmm… smells like him. I think okay na ’to pamalit sa damit kong pinunit n’ya.

“You look good on my shirt,” sabi n’yang titig na titig sa ’kin matapos akong bihisan.

At parang hindi na s’ya nakatiis, he kissed me hotly again. It was an open-mouthed kiss, as if he wanted to devour me again. So, I had to stop him bago kung saan na naman iyon mapunta.

Plus, I’m sore, my goodness!

“I really need to go,” sabi ko pa.

“Alright. Let’s go.” Akmang bubuhatin pa n’ya ako.

“What are you doing?”

“Carrying you.”

“No, I mean… I have to go alone. Baka may makakita sa ’tin. It’s like we’re announcing we were together the whole night!”

“I don’t fucking care. You’ll be damned if you think I’ll just let you walk alone to your room wearing only my shirt and nothing underneath!”

“But—”

“No arguments, Yelizaveta.”

Natahimik ako. The way he said my name sounded so commanding. Na para bang sa paraang ’yon ay pinapaalam n’ya sa ’kin na hindi talaga masusunod ang gusto ko. And that he’d get really mad if I said another word anymore.

Kaya tumahimik na lang ako. Hindi ko tuloy alam kung kanino matatakot. If at my dad that he might catch us or at Devlin, who looked domineering right now.

Inirapan ko na lang s’ya at hinayaang buhatin ako. I think I wouldn’t be able to walk far anyway. Ang sakit-sakit ng katawan ko. Pakiramdam ko ay nanghihina pa ang mga tuhod ko.

Luckily, sa laki ng mansion namin, walang nakakita sa ’min ni Devlin. Maybe the maids were preparing for the breakfast and the men were guarding outside. Nakarating kami sa room ko peacefully.

“Thank you,” I said nang marahan n’ya akong iniupo sa kama ko.

But Devlin just kissed me again. It was too forceful this time na muntik pa akong mapahiga if only he didn’t pull my head and even hold my jaw para mas mapatingala ako so he could kiss me fully. Ang isang tuhod n’ya ay nakatukod sa paanan ng kama kung saan ako nakaupo. He was holding my head fully.

He inserted his tongue inside my mouth. Naglaro ang dila n’ya roon at hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal. I was just moaning, and I couldn’t even answer his kiss as he was kissing me savagely. Hinihigop ang lakas at katinuan ko. So, when the kiss ended, my mind was hazy about the kiss we shared.

“I’ll go now,” he said.

Wala sa sarili akong napatango. Binigyan n’ya pa ako nang mariing halik sa labi bago tuluyang tumayo.

“Then, later, Yelizaveta.”

I smiled at him.

“Later then.”

Pinanood ko s’ya hanggang makalabas s’ya ng pinto. Ibinagsak ko ang katawan sa kama and I stared at the ceiling.

I bit my lower lip, still feeling his lips on me.

Hmm… I can’t wait to see him later. I want to kiss him again.

Chapter 19

WARNING: R18

---

With my remaining two-month break from modeling, a long vacation in university, and my dad not allowing me to leave the property for the time being, I thought I’m gonna get bored. I even started to think about how I would spend my time, but it turned out I didn’t have to because Devlin was there.

He was a great lover. I realized na mas mae-enjoy ko pala ang ganito. I became honest with my feelings. I didn’t get irritated at him, as I finally understood why I was even feeling that way toward him. I should’ve been honest with myself from the start. Hindi na sana ako na-stress noon kapag akala ko ay naiinis lang ako kay Devlin.

After that, every day with him was bliss. I really like being with Devlin.

Being secret lovers has its thrill. There were the exchange glances from each other that other people might’ve thought were nothing, but for the two of us, it actually has a meaning. We acted normal with people around, but when it was only the two of us, daig pa namin ang magkasintahang isang taong nagkahiwalay. We were all over each other. We couldn’t get our hands off one another.

We get every chance that we can get to be together na hindi naging mahirap since I had to stay inside and I didn’t actually have to go anywhere since I don’t have classes anymore and I’m taking a break in modeling. At ganoon din si Devlin, given the fact that he is my personal bodyguard.

It was either my or Devlin’s room ang naging place namin to spend alone time together. Pero mas madalas ay sa room ko.

And the sneaky touches sometimes even when someone’s around were so… naughty, but the thought that someone would definitely catch us one day actually excites me.

Although no one should find out about us, si Devlin kasi ang mas mapapahamak. I know my dad. He’s overprotective of me. Hindi rin namin dapat kalimutan ang tungkol sa Pakhan . So, we really have to be careful.

That was how I spent my time during the long vacation. I am now in my fourth year of university. One month nang nag-start ang first semester, and soon, alam kong magkakaroon na ulit ako ng projects sa modeling. Nagpaparamdam na naman kasi si Arty.

And honestly? I was excited as it would mean that I would have more time with Devlin, especially kung ang photoshoot ko ay sa malayong lugar. Now that I have to go to classes again, nabawasan na ang alone time namin. Sa gabi na lang kami nagkakasama especially since I became busy with my research paper.

But Devlin still found a way to be with me. Just like right now.

We were in my study room. I have my own, as I didn’t want my study space in my bedroom dahil inaakit ako ng bed to lie down.

Devlin was here with me. Nakaupo s’ya sa desk chair ko… while I was sitting on his lap. He had his arms around my waist and his chin on my shoulders. I found this position uncomfortable at first pero nasanay na rin ako as Devlin was helping me.

He was watching what I was doing over my shoulder. Tinuturuan n’ya ako kapag may mali ako and how I could make it better.

I am also practicing my Tagalog with him. Hinahayaan n’ya akong matuto.

“I didn’t know that you’re this smart,” hindi ko na napigilang sabihin nang turuan n’ya na naman ako para mas maayos ang maging gawa ko.

“Do you think that I’m unintelligent?”

“Of course not! I mean, I know you’re smart, but not this… really smart. I can’t help but wonder how you were when you were a student. Kung pasaway ka ba or not.”

“Hmm…” Humigpit ang yakap n’ya sa bewang ko. The movement raised the skirt of my dress a bit. “I’m a good student.”

Bahagya ko s’yang nilingon. Tumama pa ang pisngi ko sa tungki ng ilong n’ya. And he even rubbed the tip of his nose on my cheek, tickling me. Naipikit ko tuloy ang isang mata ko while a smile formed on my lips.

“Really?”

“Yeah… behave ako noon.”

“Then alam mo pa lang you’re not behaving right now,” I teased, and he just chuckled. “Did you have a lot of friends back then?”

“No. I like minding my own business. Seryoso rin ako sa pag-aaral no’n.”

“I can imagine. Ang seryoso mo kasi. Like you’re tipid na tipid na magbigay ng reaction mo.”

“Ganoon ang naging tingin mo sa ’kin?”

Mabilis akong tumango.

“Especially the first day we met. I even got scared of you. You were too serious back then, and you didn’t have any emotion on your face.”

I think I won’t ever forget that day. I even called him a devil dahil sa takot ko sa kanya noon. He looked really terrifying that time. I was just a kid, and he was tall kaya mas nakadagdag sa takot ko iyon. Feeling ko that time ay ang laki-laki n’ya at kayang-kaya n’ya akong durugin.

I felt Devlin kiss my shoulder. My dress had spaghetti straps kaya ramdam ko sa balat ko ang init ng labi n’ya. It was a wet kiss. Bahagyang nagtagal ang mga labi n’ya sa balat ko and he even made a sound as he moved his lips away, sucking my skin a bit.

I leaned my back against him, giving him all my weight. Mas inayos n’ya ang pagkayakap sa ’kin.

“Come to think of it,” I said when I thought of something. “You were still a student at that time, right? You were… sixteen? That time?”

“Yeah… I was in eleven class. A graduating student.”

Hmm… So, he was going to start at the university back then.

I frowned. How could he have time to take his classes in college when he was guarding me? Palagi na kasi s’yang nakabantay sa akin after that day.

“Anong kinuha mong course?” I asked.

Saglit na natigilan si Devlin.

“I didn’t go to university.”

My eyes widened. Nilingon ko s’ya. I even angled my body so I could look at him fully. Bahagyang lumuwag ang yakap n’ya sa ’kin.

“What? Why?”

“I have to guard you.” Diretso ang mga mata n’yang nakatingin sa ’kin.

Ako naman ngayon ang natigilan. I didn’t know that about him. Maybe because I wasn’t this interested in him before kaya ngayon lang ako nakapagtanong ng tungkol sa kanya. And I was irritated with him before kaya ayoko rin s’yang kausapin.

Somehow… I regretted those times. Sana ay matagal na akong nagtanong tungkol sa kanya. Ang dami kong hindi alam sa kanya.

So, he started working right then. Maybe he didn’t have any money to go to university. Kailangan siguro n’ya ng money kaya nag-work s’ya agad.

“What about your parents?” I asked. “They must’ve been disappointed that you couldn’t go to university because you’re really smart, Devlin.”

“Nothing. They’re dead.”

I blinked.

“What?”

“They were already dead at that time.”

Muli akong natigilan. Matagal bago nag-sink in sa ’kin ang sinabi n’ya. Devlin said it like it was nothing. Hindi ko tuloy alam if how I should take those words.

I took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t know.”

Hinigpitan n’ya ulit ang yakap sa ’kin, making me face the desk again. He planted a kiss on my shoulder blade.

“Don’t worry about it. It was a long time ago. Besides, may iba naman akong kinuha.”

Hmm? So, he did go to university after all?

“Really? What is it?” I asked.

“You. I got you. You’re mine.”

Napairap ako pero napangiti naman. I think he wanted to get the topic off about his parents.

Muli kong isinandal ang sarili ko sa kanya. Ang mga kamay n’yang nasa bewang ko ay hinawakan ang mga kamay ko. He enveloped them with his. His thumb lightly massaged the flesh between my thumb and index finger.

“I’m kinda naiinis kasi wala akong masyadong alam tungkol sa ’yo. While I think you know everything about me.”

“That’s not true. There are some things I don’t know about you.”

“Really? Like what?”

Ramdam kong itinagilid n’ya ang ulo n’ya para ilapit ang bibig sa tenga ko. His lips were brushing against my ear when he whispered.

“Like how you look with your lips around my cock.”

He bit my ear after that. A shiver ran down my spine. I felt hot all of a sudden, and I could even tell my face was reddening.

Mabilis akong tumayo mula sa kandungan ni Devlin. Alam kong ilang beses nang may nangyari sa ’min after that night, but I still couldn’t get used to the intimacy. Hindi ko kinakaya si Devlin. He was always… extreme.

“T-that’s not fair!” sabi ko nang makawala sa kanya. And I even stammered! “I am doing my research paper, but you’re being magulo, Devlin!”

He just gave me his hot smirk. Sumandal s’ya sa inuupuan. He looked too relaxed for me.

“You need to take a break, Yelizaveta. Kanina mo pa ginagawa ang research paper mo.”

Sinimangutan ko s’ya.

“You can tell it to me properly, you know. Hindi ’yung nang…” I tried to remember the Tagalog word but couldn’t. “Nang-se-seduce ka pa.”

His dark eyes turned playful.

“Na-seduce ka naman ba?”

Mas lalo ko s’yang sinimangutan. I knew he was teasing me! He knew the Tagalog word for that. I found it ironic that he started to learn the language because I was learning it pero mas magaling s’yang mag-Tagalog sa ’kin.

I heard my phone ring. The sound was muffled dahil nasa loob iyon ng drawer ng study table ko so it wouldn’t distract me by checking it every time I’d see it. Kinailangan kong lumapit kay Devlin so I could get my phone. His one arm snaked around my waist almost immediately while I was taking my phone inside the drawer.

I looked to see who the caller was, and my eyes lit up. Napangiti ako nang mabasa ang pangalan ng caller.

“It’s Rio!”

I felt Devlin’s hand squeeze my waist, but I was too excited to see that Rio was calling me. Ngayon ko na lang s’ya ulit makakausap after we last saw each other! Hindi ko kasi s’ya matawagan as I was worried that I would disturb him dahil sinabi n’ya ngang magiging busy s’ya. So, I was just actually waiting for him to call me instead.

Mabilis kong sinagot ang tawag n’ya.

“Rio!” I was smiling so widely.

“ Angioletto mio …“ Mas lalong lumawak ang ngiti ko when I heard that familiar voice again, and with the way he called me. “How are you?”

“I’m okay! God, why did you just call me now? I missed you!”

Nakita kong tumayo si Devlin. He held my waist this time. His touch was firm as he turned my body to fully face him. Nakatingin s’ya sa ’kin habang nagtataka naman akong napatingala sa kanya.

“I’m sorry I got really busy. Ngayon lang ako nagkaroon ng bakanteng oras,” rinig kong sabi ni Rio sa kabilang line.

“I thought you already forgot about me.” I even pouted a bit.

“Pwede ba naman ’yon? You’re my little angel. Syempre hindi kita makakalimutan.”

Napangiti ako. His voice still sounded so soft while talking to me. Still gentle.

“I really missed you, Rio.”

I noticed Devlin’s eyes turned a shade darker. His jaw was set. Parang nakikitaan ko pa nga ng galit ang mukha n’ya.

“Ako rin. But hey, anong nangyari sa Tagalog lang tayong mag-uusap? ’Wag mong sabihing tumigil ka sa pag-aaral ng Tagalog dahil wala ako d’yan?”

I giggled. Pero naputol iyon when Devlin’s hand went down my hips and gripped it tightly as he pulled me down to sit on the chair. Nanlalaki ang mga mata kong napatingin sa kanya habang nakaupo sa upuan.

He knelt down in front of me and pulled my hips to the end of the chair. Itinaas n’ya ang skirt ng dress ko.

“What are you doing?” I mouthed so Rio wouldn’t hear it.

Devlin didn’t say anything. He caressed my legs up to my thighs, which made my eyes go wide like saucers. Inangat n’ya pa ang isa and he actually bent down and kissed my legs. Paangat nang paangat ang mga labi n’ya sa hita ko. He did that without looking away from me.

“Angioletto mio?” untag ni Rio nang matagal akong hindi sumagot.

“Y-yeah? Oh… uhm…” What was his question again?

Devlin did the same with the other one. And actually, I was starting to feel hot. He was trailing wet kisses on my legs up to my thighs. Napapakagat-labi ako sa tuwing napapalapit sa gitna ng mga hita ko ang mga labi n’ya.

“Devlin!” mahina kong saway sa kanya pero hindi s’ya tumigil.

“Don’t tell me you really did stop learning Tagalog?” I heard Rio again.

“N-no! Syempre, hindi.” My lips were trembling. Devlin put my thighs over his shoulders. “Nag-aaral pa rin ako ng Tagalog.”

“Talaga? Nabasa mo ba ’yung mga librong binigay ko?”

Wala sa sariling napangiti ako. Devlin annotated all those books.

“Yes! Tapos ko na—”

I gasped when Devlin pushed my thong to the side and his tongue connected to my folds. I bit my lower lip to stop myself from moaning, which was really hard as Devlin’s tongue felt really good. He continued licking me there, avoiding the most sensitive bud, which was starting to frustrate me.

He even spread my folds with his fingers to lick me thoroughly. He could almost lick my inside pero kahit iyon ay iniiwasan ng dila n’ya. And I was feeling really hot right now. Pigil na pigil ko ang sariling mapaungol.

My free hand gripped his hair but he removed it. He wrapped an arm around my hips and took my free hand and held it on my back para hindi ko iyon magamit.

“I…” I was breathing heavily now. “N-natapos ko lahat ng… lahat ng books.”

Holy shit…

“Naintindihan mo ’yung mga kwento?” Rio asked, oblivious of what was happening.

I knew what Devlin was doing was wrong but I gave in with the lust and desire I felt for Devlin. I even moved my hips. And when Devlin finally licked my clit, I almost screamed.

“Yes!” My voice sounded so eager. “Yes… Na… Naintindihan ko.”

Devlin’s tongue circled my clit and sucked it. It actually made such a sound that I got worried Rio might hear it. He flattened his tongue and licked me from the opening up to my clit before he sucked that sensitive nub again. Napasandal ako sa upuan at napatingala sa sobrang sarap na nararamdaman. I bit my lower lip so hard to keep the moan to myself.

“May mga salitang hindi ka ba naintindihan?” I heard Rio ask.

Devlin flattened his tongue again and started to lap my folds like it was some kind of delicacy. His wet tongue made me even wetter down there. He even moved his head sideways at mas idiniin n’ya ang ulo doon to give more pressure, which made my eyes roll.

He got busy with my clit again, licking and sucking it more forcefully this time. Nagsimulang manginig ang katawan ko with all the pleasure I was feeling. And when he inserted his finger inside me, I could taste blood from my lower lip as I had to bite it really hard to keep from moaning.

“Angioletto mio?” I heard Rio’s voice from the other line. Nagtataka na siguro sa matagal kong hindi pagsagot.

“Yes…” Holy shit. It sounded like a moan! I cleared my throat. “Yes?”

Devlin started fucking me with his finger. Ipinasok n’ya pa ang isa. Then he started to thrust his fingers in and out. Hard. My toes curled, and I closed my eyes tight. It was so freaking hard not to make any sound, even just moaning at the back of my throat. Hindi pwede. Maririnig ni Rio.

“Is this… the right time?” tanong ni Rio. “Are you busy?”

But Devlin was making it harder for me. He was sucking my clit while fucking me with his fingers hard. I could feel that familiar feeling building inside me. I pursed my lips. I held my breath as the pleasure kept building and building.

He played my clit with his tongue while sucking it as well. Mas lalong dumoble ang init na nararamdaman ko. I think I couldn’t take it any longer. My insides clenched around his fingers, and my hips moved as I tried to ride myself to the peak.

And then, I finally exploded, binitiwan ni Devlin ang kamay ko and he put his hand over my mouth. I held it with my now free hand and bit his hand as I felt something coming out of me.

It was fucking too much. White spots blinded me, and I almost screamed if only I was biting his hand. Doon ko na lang ibinuhos ang pagpipigil na sumigaw that I was biting his hand hard, but he didn’t give any indication that he was in pain.

Inilayo ni Devlin ang ulo n’ya sa gitna ko and watched as fluid came out of me. Nakita ko pa ang pagtatalsikan ng iba and it was actually embarrassing. I knew I was squirting again, but I was feeling too much to even mind about it.

My body was jerking as Devlin prolonged it by still thrusting his fingers in and out. Hanggang sa wakas ay maubos na ang mga inilabas ko. He finally took his fingers out, and I felt really tired. My thong got soaked.

Devlin stared at me. His gaze was heavy, and I couldn’t take my eyes off him.

“Should I call another time?”

Oh, fuck… I forgot about Rio.

I took a deep breath. Nanghihina na ang katawan ko na halos mabitiwan ko pa ang phone.

“No…” Even my voice sounded so weak. “It’s okay…”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah…”

“I’m not bothering?”

“No, Rio… It’s fine. I still want to talk to you.”

Nakatitig pa rin ako kay Devlin kaya kitang-kita ko ang pagdilim ng mukha n’ya. Parang tuluyan nang nagalit. His jaw even clenched so much that I even got scared dahil matinding galit ang nakikita ko sa mga mata n’ya.

He put his hands under my armpits and lifted my body. Pinapatayo ako. Hindi pa nga ako makatayo nang maayos dahil nanginginig ang mga tuhod ko.

“I called because I want to congratulate you,” rinig kong sabi ni Rio. “You’re a graduating student now…”

“I…” I felt terrified under Devlin’s intense gaze. “I need to pass this semester first.”

Rio chuckled softly.

“Alam ko namang kayang-kaya mo ’yan.”

“T-thank you…” I couldn’t even smile now.

Devlin pushed my things on the desk to the side and made me face the table. Nasa likuran ko s’ya. I felt his hand on my upper back, putting pressure on it. Then his lips touched my ear.

“Tuwad, Yelizaveta.”

I softly gasped. I did what he wanted. I bend over the desk. My upper body lay on the table.

I felt Devlin remove my thong. He pushed my legs apart using one of his legs. I heard him unbuckling his belt. I even felt him lick me from behind before he spanked my butt cheeks. This time, maingay ang naging pagsinghap ko.

“Is everything okay?” tanong ni Rio na alam kong narinig ang singhap ko.

“Yes… Everything’s o— Oh, God!”

Devlin suddenly entered me from behind kaya hindi ko na napigilan ang sumigaw. Mabilis kong tinakpan ng kamay ko ang bibig. He started moving his hips, thrusting in and out without waiting for me to adjust for him.

I just came! I still haven’t recovered from that extreme orgasm, and yet here Devlin was again. He felt so big inside me that my insides stretched for him. I felt so full! Ramdam na ramdam ko talaga s’ya sa loob ko. Napahawak na lang ako sa edge ng table para kumuha ng suporta.

“Yeliz? Are you okay?”

I bit my lower lip. Devlin was moving too fast and hard. I felt the edge of the table digging on my hips with his harsh movements. Alam kong hindi ko na talaga makakayanang hindi mag-ingay.

“R-rio…” I almost whimpered. “I’m sorry. I’m actually b-busy pala. Just call another time.”

Hindi ko na hinintay ang pagsagot n’ya at pinatay na ang tawag. As soon as I ended the call, I let out a long and loud moan. Bumawi ako sa pagiging tahimik kanina.

I heard Devlin chuckle. It sounded so cruel.

“I want to see the look on his face if he knew I’m fucking his innocent little angel while she’s talking to him over the phone.”

I whimpered. Dalawang kamay ko na ang nakakapit sa table ngayon.

“You’re a devil,” I breathe.

He let out a dark chuckle.

“Suits my name, right?”

He thrust his hips more forcefully this time, so that even if the desk was nailed in place, ramdam ko ang pag-uga noon. I even think that he could have managed to remove the screws with just his movements, with how deep and rough he was moving his hips.

I felt his big hand firmly on the back of my neck and held me down in place as he fucked me hard. Nakatagilid ang mukha ko sa ibabaw ng table and I couldn’t even breathe properly. Devlin took away my ability to breathe as he was sucking all my strength with all that he was doing to me.

“Oh, my fucking fuck…” I whimpered. Ramdam kong may namumuo na naman sa loob ko.

He slapped my butt cheeks. Hard. And that’s all it took, and my orgasm exploded again. I opened my mouth to breathe, but I couldn’t. My body trembled as I reached my peak, while Devlin was still fucking me roughly.

“Holy—”

Maingay ang naging paghinga ko at ramdam ko ang pagluwag ng dibdib ko. I moaned so loud while feeling Devlin’s huge cock inside me. Mas lalo pang naging marahas ang paggalaw n’ya. He was fucking me fast, and I heard his small grunt.

Then he pulled out fast. Ramdam ko ang mahigpit n’yang kapit sa braso ko at pilit akong inangat.

“Luhod.”

I did.

I knelt in front of him. Wala na rin naman akong lakas. I was looking up at him and saw him gripping the head of his cock.

“Give me your face,” he ordered with his gritted teeth.

Itinapat n’ya ang pagkalalaki n’ya sa mukha ko. Then he held my jaw firmly, making sure that I was tilting my head up, and he started to stroke his length. A few strokes, and I heard his groan as he shot his warm loads in my face.

I felt the hot, sticky fluid spill on my face. Napunta ang ilan sa mata ko, on the bridge of my nose, down my cheek, and on my mouth. Devlin spilled all his loads on my face.

Binitiwan n’ya ako at nanatili akong nakatingala sa kanya with only one of my eyes open. He was staring down at me and there was something in his dark eyes as he looked at me. Parang kinakabisado ang ganoong itsura ko. He looked so hot as he breathed heavily through his mouth.

And maybe it was because of that. Maybe he looked so seductive, and I felt warmth in my chest that this hot man was mine and that something came into me. I darted out my tongue and licked my lips, tasting him. I saw how his eyes darkened with what I did, and his jaw moved as he gritted his teeth.

He groaned. He grabbed me with his hand on my hair while the other was around my throat. Hinigit n’ya ako patayo that I felt a sting in my scalp. He gripped the sides of my neck with his fingers and pushed me until my hips were leaning on the desk.

“You want to know more about me? Then, I’ll fucking tell you.” He was gritting his teeth so hard I could actually hear it. Mas humihigpit din ang pagbaon ng mga daliri n’ya sa leeg ko. “I don’t share, Yelizaveta. I don’t like sharing what’s mine. You have no idea how long and how much I’ve been holding myself back all these years. I now own all of you. Your smile, your attention, your body, your soul. I don’t want you to give them to anyone else. That’s all for me. Because you are fucking mine, Yelizaveta. Every bit of you.”

I felt shivers all over my body. He said all those words possessively, sounding so hot and dominant. And there was a dangerous aura around him. As if something would happen if something would take me away from him. Or even if I give to anyone what belongs to him.

His property.

“Tell me you understand, Yelizaveta. Use your words. I want to hear that you understand with my come all over your face.”

My lips trembled. It was humiliating, but… I was feeling hot, and it excites me. Maybe something was wrong with me.

I nodded. I was breathing hard again. Not with those dark eyes looking so feral as he stared at me.

“Yes, Devlin… I understand.”

Ilang sandali akong tinitigan ni Devlin. Then his lips curled into a terrifying smirk. I saw something evil in his eyes.

What a devil…

My devil.

He took a step toward me and wrapped his arms around me. I felt him kiss my hair before he whispered in my ear.

“Good girl.”

Chapter 20

WARNING: R18

---

I became even more busy in the second semester as there were a lot of requirements I needed to pass. In a few more months, I would be graduating, and I actually couldn’t believe that I had to finish my studies after all the hard work. To think that I even had my modeling. Hindi ko lang akalain na nakaya kong pagsabay-sabayin ang lahat and I still got good grades.

I knew that I would pass this sem. Hindi ko naman pinabayaan ang pag-aaral ko even after everything. I just had to complete all my requirements. I actually got more inspired to finish my studies as Devlin was helping me. I wanted to show him that his efforts to teach me didn’t go to waste.

As for my internship, the university allowed me to get my grade from my modeling. I just had to get my evaluation from my manager, who was Arty, which I was sure would give me a passing grade. He started accepting projects for me again. Although mostly ay mga runway shows as it doesn’t take a lot of time, I could still have time to attend my classes and do my requirements, unlike sa photoshoot na kung minsan ay ilang araw ang inaabot and I even have to travel somewhere far for the location. Isa pa, I’m a runway model so mas focus talaga ang career ko sa fashion shows.

It was actually unfair, and I was aware of that. My modeling wasn’t even related to my business course, but I think my dad pulled some strings. I could just apply for the internship at our company, but I had a feeling that Dad didn’t want me to do anything with our company. He wouldn’t let me inherit it. Because if yes, he should’ve started training me how to handle our business long ago. Kaya rin siguro until now, Dad wasn’t against my modeling. I think he even wanted me to make it my career.

My relationship with Devlin remained a secret. Hindi na naman namin need na masyadong mag-effort sa pagtatago as I really did become busy. Pag-uwi ko ay deretso rest agad ako as I knew my tomorrow would be hectic as well. I was just glad that Dad allowed Devlin to drive me around, and those drives were the only time that we were alone together.

I felt sad, though. I missed him kahit na araw-araw ko naman s’yang nakakasama. I just want to be with him kasi without worrying about anything. ’Yung sa kanya lang ako naka-focus.

“Are you ready to close the show, Yeliz?”

Pinasadahan ako ng tingin ng designer. He gave me a satisfied smile when he looked at me and fixed the strand of my hair that got out of its locks. Agad namang umalalay ang hairstylist, and she fixed my hair in no time.

I was the last model to walk down the runway to close the show. It wasn’t the first, but I couldn’t help but feel nervous, as I knew all the attention would be on me. And it was basically like the designer was telling everyone that I was the model he liked the best sa mga kinuha n’ya para sa fashion show na ’yon.

I smiled at him and nodded.

“Of course.”

Hinawakan n’ya ang mga kamay ko. He was already a well-known designer pero ramdam ko ang panginginig ng mga kamay n’ya. Mariin ang pagkakatitig n’ya sa ’kin.

“I’m counting on you.”

I nodded as I squeezed his hands, assuring him that I would do my best. Pinapila na ang mga model to do their final lap while I was just waiting for my cue.

The designer was making sure that everything was fine with me. Hinayaan ko na lang s’ya and I watched as the models went backstage one by one. Nang bumalik na ang huling model, the floor director gave me a signal, and I put my model face on.

I didn’t smile as I walked down the runway. Nakakasilaw ang mga ilaw but I remained walking with poise, like a cat, without any care in the world. Nakatingin lang ako sa harapan kahit na ramdam na ramdam ko ang mga tingin ng lahat sa ’kin. I even noticed some camera flashes, but I continued walking. Mataas ang heels na suot ko but it was as if the shoes were part of my body. Hindi ako nahirapan sa paglalakad.

Tumigil ako sa pinakagitna so the audience would have more time to assess the outfit I was wearing. I could feel a heavy gaze from somewhere, and I willed myself not to get distracted. I had to maintain my fierce look. Maamo pa naman ang mukha ko. I posed for a while, still with my fierce look on, before I gracefully turned around and walked the runway backstage again.

I heard claps booming from the crowd. Sinalubong ako ng yakap ng designer.

“Thank you! Thank you so much, sweetheart!”

I chuckled.

“Congratulations on another successful show.”

After the show, may mga nagpunta sa backstage to congratulate me as well. I received a bunch of flowers from them, and they even asked for a picture, which I gladly accepted.

The designer gave me the final dress as a gift. He believed that the show became successful because of me kahit na ipinagpilitan kong it was his collection naman and they were all great.

“Are you sure you won’t attend the after-party?” he asked nang magpaalam ako sa kanyang uuwi na.

I looked back and saw Devlin taking the flowers and gifts I received. Tinulungan s’ya ni Arty. Nginitian ko ang designer.

“No… I still have a lot of school requirements to do.”

He sighed, clearly disappointed pero wala ring nagawa kundi tumango na lang.

“You owe me one, okay?”

Bahagya akong natawa pero tumango rin.

“Okay.”

I was so tired as I got inside the car. Sa passenger seat na ako umupo. I leaned my head on the headrest. I waited as Devlin put the gifts inside the trunk and got in the driver’s seat.

Hindi n’ya agad pinaandar ang kotse at tinitigan ako. Itinagilid ko lang ang ulo ko para tingnan s’ya. His hand caressed my cheek gently. I leaned my face on his palm, taking his warmth.

“Shall I take you home?” he asked.

Pinakiramdaman ko ang sarili ko. I was tired, exhausted even. But I still didn’t want to go home. I wanted to be with Devlin more. Dahil alam kong hindi kami magkakaroon ng oras na magkasama kapag umuwi na kaagad kami.

I shook my head.

“I still want to be with you.”

His lips didn’t move, but I saw in his eyes that he liked my answer. I knew that he felt the same way. I knew that he missed me as well. He was just holding back, as I had a lot of things to do. We were both looking forward to spending our alone time together.

“I’m sorry…” I said, looking straight into his eyes.

“For what?”

“For not giving you enough attention. I got real busy.”

Naging mariin ang pagtitig n’ya sa ’kin. I suddenly got confused. Para kasing mali ang naging sagot ko kung bakit ako nagso-sorry sa kanya.

“I understand that, Yelizaveta. You don’t have to apologize for it.”

I frowned. He was looking at me. Parang may inaasahang sasabihin ko pero hindi ko naman alam kung ano. I just wanted to apologize to him dahil hindi na kami nagkaroon ng oras na together lately. But it looked as if he wanted me to apologize for something else.

“But you look mad,” nasabi ko tuloy. He did look mad. Ibinaba pa ang kamay na kanina lang ay humahaplos sa pisngi ko.

“Because you’re apologizing for the thing thing.”

Mas lalong kumunot ang noo ko.

“Then ano pang ipagso-sorry ko sa ’yo?”

He didn’t like that. His gaze got more intense. Napadiretso ako ng upo dahil hindi ko nakayanan ang intesidad ng mga titig n’ya. My heart started to beat fast out of fear and anxiousness.

Iba magalit si Devlin. I knew that. I already experienced how he was when he was mad. Halos hindi pa ako makapaniwala dahil nga noong una, ang tingin ko sa kanya ay walang pakialam sa paligid and the thing that was most important to him was his job. But when he was mad, he didn’t hold back his anger.

“You honestly didn’t have any idea?” He gave me a mocking smile. “Think hard, Yelizaveta.”

I stared at him. Inaalala ko ang mga pagkakataong nagalit s’ya sa ’kin. It was when I got in danger and when I was talking with Rio.

I looked at him ridiculously when I realized his reason.

“Devlin… smiling at people is part of my work. Alam mo naman ’yan, right?”

“Yeah… but I told you, right? I don’t like sharing what is mine. I’m a selfish person, especially when it comes to you.”

“And you want me to apologize for just doing my job?”

He tilted his head to the side.

“What do you think?”

I gaped at him. I tried to see if he was serious pero ang galit sa mga mata n’ya ay sapat sa akin para malamang hindi s’ya nagbibiro. Napailing ako.

“You’re being ridiculous—”

A gasp escaped from my mouth when he suddenly grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me harshly. Nanlalaki pa ang mga mata ko nang idinikit n’ya ang noo n’ya sa noo ko. He looked at me so intently. There was so much fire in his eyes that I thought it would engulf me fully until there was nothing left of me.

Napalunok ako. He was holding the back of my neck firmly, preventing me from moving away from him. I was so aware of him, as his scent was the only thing invading my nose right now. I could smell his fresh breath and his cologne mixed with his natural scent.

My mind went hazy. For a moment, nakalimutan ko kung anong pinag-uusapan namin. I already forgot how we suddenly got into this.

“Ridiculous? Ang akala ko nagkalinawan na tayo sa bagay na ’yan, Yelizaveta.” I felt his grip tighten. “I guess you still haven’t learned your lesson well.”

Kinabahan ako. Naging mapanganib ang paraan ng tingin n’ya sa ’kin. I took a deep breath, which was a mistake dahil mas lalo ko lang s’yang naamoy.

“Dev… Devlin…”

“It seems like you need another lesson.”

I yelped when he suddenly reclined my seat all the way. Mabilis n’ya akong itinulak pahiga at agad na pumaibabaw sa ’kin. My eyes widened as I looked up at him, looking down at me with those dark eyes that seemed to want to suck me in. My breathing hitched as well, as my body started to tremble with just his gaze. I suddenly remember what happened when he got really mad at me when I talked to Rio.

He held the back of my thighs and pulled my body so he could place himself in between them. Itinuon n’ya ang isang kamay sa gilid ko para suportahan ang bigat while his other hand started to caress my thigh. I was only wearing a dress kaya sa bawat paghaplos n’ya ay tumataas ang skirt noon.

I glanced at the window, worrying that someone might see us. We were doing this in a parking lot for heaven’s sake!

“D-Devlin…” I bit my lower lip when his hand almost reached that part between my thighs. Pero muling bumaba ang haplos n’ya. “Someone might see us.”

He just looked at me. Wala man lang ako nakitang pag-aalala sa mukha n’ya.

“The car is heavily tinted,” he stated the obvious.

Mas naging mariin ang pagkakagat ko sa ibabang labi ko. I knew that, of course. Pero nandoon pa rin ang pag-aalala kong may makahuli sa ’min. There were still people around. Ang iba ay papauwi pa lang mula sa event.

“B-but someone might hear—”

“Oh, shut the fuck up.”

Mukhang nawalan na ng pasensya sa ’kin si Devlin. He suddenly dipped his head down, closing our distance and claimed my lips. Mariin ang pagkakahalik n’ya. He was kissing me, open-mouthed, as if he wanted to take everything I had right there. Halos lumubog ako sa upuan sa sobrang rahas ng halik na ibinibigay n’ya.

I put my hands on his chest to push him off me but instead, nanatili lang ang mga kamay ko roon. Unti-unti akong nadala ng mararahas n’yang halik. His kisses always made me forget about everything and just be aware of his warm mouth claiming mine. The worries I had that someone might see just just flew out of the window.

I tried to kiss him back but with the way he was kissing me, hindi ko iyon magawa. He was taking the lead. And it seemed that he didn’t even want me to answer his kisses. He just wanted to devour me, to let me feel that I was really his. That I didn’t even own myself so I had no right to give anyone what belonged to him.

So, I just wrapped my arms around his shoulders. Pakiramdam ko kasi, kapag hindi ako kumapit sa kanya ay tuluyan na akong matatangay. That there would be nothing left of me if I didn’t hold on to him.

He pressed his hips on me, making me feel the budge inside his pants between my legs. He started grinding and a moan escaped from my throat. He did it again, and my hips moved with him. Sinasalubong ko ang paggalaw ng balakang n’ya.

He started to knead my breast as his lips went down my jaw. Maingay akong napasinghap dahil naubusan ako ng hangin sa mga halik n’ya, kasabay ng malakas na pag-ungol nang muling gumalaw ang balakang n’ya.

“Fuck,” I heard him groan.

He bit the skin under my jaw. Parang nanggigigil. And I just let him. I didn’t need to worry that he would leave a mark. Katatapos lang ng fashion show, and Devlin might’ve been getting back to those times when I didn’t let him touch me, or even kiss me. Nag-alala kasi akong mag-iwan s’ya ng marka before the fashion show. Kaya ngayon ay bumabawi s’ya.

He was biting, nibbling my skin as his lips went down my neck. Napasabunot ako sa buhok n’ya at walang nagawa kundi ang mapasinghap at mapaungol na lang.

The AC inside the car seemed to not be working. Nag-iinit ang buong katawan ko. His lips went up and reached my ear. He started licking it, teasing every part of him that tickled me and made me feel even hotter.

“Devlin…”

“I want to fuck you in front of the audience so everyone will know who you belonged to. I want to see the look on their faces when they see how their innocent angel begged for my cock.”

That did something for me. I suddenly imagined him doing that. That instead of me walking down the runway, the audience was watching how Devlin took all of me.

Holy… shit.

“I’ll make you remember who owned you whenever you give them a piece of yours, Yelizaveta. Even just a small smile. That’s fucking mine.”

He bit me hard on the shoulder after that. Malakas akong napaungol sa sa ’kin at sensyasong bumalot sa buong katawan ko. Then I heard him unbuckling his belt. I felt him push my thong to the side, and without any warning, he thrust his manhood inside me, deep and fully.

I almost couldn’t breathe with that sudden movement. My lips parted, hoping to get some air before I ran out of breath, but I couldn’t. He didn’t even give me time to recover before he moved fast, taking me deep and hard with his every thrust.

I couldn’t breathe! Not when his huge cock was thrusting in and out of my core. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang paglabas-pasok ng pagkalalaki n’ya sa loob ko. It was so impossible to ignore it, as I could really feel him. He was stretching my insides so much!

He was moving so forcefully that I think the car was shaking with his movements. Masyadong marahas kasi ang paggalaw n’ya that I think he would break me with his every thrust. I got worried that someone might notice the car was moving and know what we were doing inside!

But Devlin didn’t even hold back. Sa tingin ko pa nga, he didn’t care if someone would notice us. He would even like it. I could tell by the smirk on his lips as he fucked me hard and the wickedness I saw in those dark eyes as he watched my every reaction.

He put my legs over his shoulders and dove even deeper. Hindi ko na alam kung saan kakapit. I wanted to hold onto something. Hinawakan ko na lang ang headrest habang ang isang kamay ko ay kumapit sa pintuan ng kotse. My nails scratching the surface.

With his every intense thrust, he was taking me even higher. Something was building inside of me, wanting to be released. Malalakas na ang mga ungol na pinapakawalan ko. My insides were clenching him, making me feel him more. A few deep thrusts and I felt my release.

It was intense. Halos hindi ako makahinga at nagsimulang manginig ang katawan ko. I even thought that I would lose consciousness. Maybe I was squirting again. I don’t know. White spots blinded me and I couldn’t hear anything. All I could feel was the intense release and I was trying to breathe again.

When I did, maingay ang pagkuha ko ng hangin. I was whimpering, even moaning, while I tried to come down from the peak I just reached. Ramdam ko ang panginginig ng katawan ko habang bumababa sa pakiramdam na ’yon.

I was still having my release when Devlin shifted our position. Binuhat n’ya ang nanghihina kong katawan at inalalayan ako sa ibabaw n’ya. S’ya na ngayon ang nasa upuan.

“Ride me, love…”

I haven’t even recovered yet. Hinang-hina ang katawan ko and my legs were even shaking. But Devlin guided my hips. Bahagya n’ya akong inangat so he could position his shaft on my entrance. Then, he guided me down and slowly, his cock entered me.

I moaned as I felt his huge cock invading my insides. Ilang sandali akong hindi gumalaw sa ibabaw n’ya, feeling him inside me with my hands on his chest. Devlin was staring at me. Parang kinakabisado ang itsura ko habang nasa ibaba n’ya.

Then, slowly, I moved my hips up. I gasped, feeling empty so I moved down, and again, he filled in. I never thought that I would feel as if I was a complete person just like that.

It felt so good with him inside me. Pakiramdam ko ay kumpletong-kumpleto ako. That I’ve already found everything I was looking for. At si Devlin lang pala ang makakapagbigay ng ganoong pakiramdam sa ’kin

It wasn’t only my insides that felt so full. My heart as well. I felt the warmth inside while looking down at Devlin with desire in his eyes as he was staring intently at me.

Muli akong gumalaw. Using his chest for support, I started moving up and down. There was something so hot doing this while we were fully clothed and our bodies connected. Nawalan na rin ako ng pakialam kung may makahalata man sa nangyayari ngayon sa loob ng sasakyan.

I moved quickly. My legs were still shaking kaya nahihirapan ako sa paggalaw. But I did what I can. Napapikit ako at napatingala habang gumagalaw sa ibabaw n’ya.

I grinded my hips and moaned before I moved up and down again. The little grunts that came from Devlin made me feel hotter. He sounded so fucking hot. Ang gustong-gusto ko ang pakiramdam na ako ang dahilan ng mga tunog na ’yon na nanggagaling sa kanya.

He was cursing when he held my hips. Ramdam ko ang pagbaon ng mga daliri n’ya sa bewang ko na para bang nanggigigil pero nagpipigil pa rin. He held my waist firmly while guiding me with the rhythm that he liked.

“Fucking fuck,” he cursed. “You’re so fucking hot, love…”

I bit my lower lip. Mas lalo ko pang binilisan ang paggalaw. His grip on my waist tightened. At parang hindi na talagang nakatiis na bumangon at marahas akong hinalikan.

He gripped the hair on the back of my head and tugged it down. Napatingala ako. He licked the length of my neck and bit my skin hard before his lips found my mouth. His other hand held my jaw and angled my head to give me a deep kiss, plunging his tongue in my mouth before he moved his hips and fucked me roughly.

Wala na akong nagawa kundi ang magpaubay na lang sa kanya. Napakapit na lang ako sa mga balikat n’ya at tinanggap ang mararahas n’yang halik at galaw. He thrust deep and hard, fast and intensely. I was moaning, gripping on his shoulders as orgasm built inside me again.

Mas naging mabilis pa ang paggalaw ni Devlin. Mariin n’ya ang pagkakasabunot n’ya sa buhok ko at ang mga daliri ay bumabaon sa panga ko. He was nibbling my lower lip, chewing on it and I tasted blood in my mouth.

In no time, I reached another intense orgasm again. Halos wala nang ungol ang makalabas sa bibig ko. I couldn’t breathe so when Devlin fucked me even more forcefully, I almost lost my consciousness.

“Fucking—”

With his final deep thrust, I felt Devlin shoot his warm load inside me. My body convulsed as I felt him filling me in. Ramdam ko ang mariin n’yang kagat sa balikat ko as his body shuddered against mine.

Maingay ang pagkuha ko ng hininga. Holy shit! I thought I would die! I moaned so loud and my body slumped against him when I finally managed to relax.

Ramdam ko ang panginginig ng buong katawan ko. Devlin laid down on the seat, taking me with him. Nasa ibabaw n’ya ako at isinubsob ko na lang ang mukha ko sa leeg n’ya.

We were both breathing heavily, trying to recover from what had just happened. I felt him caressing my back, soothing me, comforting me after the rough fuck that we shared.

Naramdaman ko ang paghalik n’ya sa buhok ko. My eyelids felt heavy, and I felt all the strength leave my body.

“Ty vsya moya, lyubov’ moya,” I heard him whisper.

Kahit nanghihina at nakapikit na ay marahan akong napangiti.

I’m yours, Devlin. All yours…

Chapter 21

After I graduated, I focused on my modeling. Kabi-kabila ang projects at fashion shows na dinadaluhan ko. A lot of designers were inviting me to showcase their creations, to which I happily accepted all of them. Arty got busy as well. Sa sobrang dami ng projects ko, he became my full-time manager. Ako na lang ang talent na hinahawakan n’ya ngayon.

I didn’t know that I would enjoy modeling this much. At first, I was having a hard time smiling genuinely at the camera. Palaging pilit ang ibinibigay ko o hindi kaya ay iyong mas appropriate sa image that the public had given me. The innocent and kind angel.

But… I guess I somehow matured, and it manifested in my looks as well. Mukha pa rin naman akong maamo but I think I look like a full-bloomed woman now. I still had that innocent aura around me, but Arty said that something did change in me. That was also why all the clothes I modeled then got a bit more revealing as well. Hindi na natakot ang mga designer na ako ang kunin na model kapag ganoon ang mga disenyo nila. Even Arty was accepting those projects for me kahit na malayo iyon sa mga damit na isinusuot ko noon.

At first, we were worried about the changes in me as well as in public opinion. But everyone accepted that. Hindi rin naman ganoong kalayo ang naging changes, and I still had that innocent look kaya sa tingin ko ay hindi rin nahirapan ang mga tao sa changes na ’yon.

There was only one person who didn’t seem so happy with the changes in me. It was Devlin.

Ang akala ko pa nga ay mag-aaway kami noong una. I mean, I would really get angry with him in case man na pigilan n’ya ako but he didn’t say anything. It had been more than a year since I graduated, and I started with my modeling changes, but still, Devlin remained silent.

I knew he was angry. I knew that he didn’t like the changes. He was so… possessive of me. He always said that he didn’t like sharing what was his. Pero hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin ako nakakarinig ng reklamo tungkol sa kanya.

“You can be honest with me, Devlin. Tell me if you don’t like my job.”

We were in my room. I just had another fashion show I attended yesterday, so I have free time now. Napagod ako roon so I chose to rest instead for this day. Next week pa rin naman ang next project ko so I had time para sa mga ibang bagay na gusto kong gawin.

We were both lying in my bed. Naunan ako sa dibdib ni Devlin at ang isang braso n’ya ay nakayakap sa ’kin. While he was using his other arm as a pillow.

“It’s fine, Yelizaveta… As long as you’re having fun.”

His hand was caressing my bare arm. I was wearing a sleeveless dress kaya naman damang-dama ko ang paghaplos n’ya. It was tickling but making me hot at the same time.

Ipinasok ko ang isa kong kamay sa loob ng shirt n’ya. I touched his body, caressing every contour of his muscles and abs. It always amazed me how hard his body was. Ang sarap hawakan. Lalo pa at nararamdaman ko ang init ng katawan n’ya sa palad ko.

“So, hindi mo nga gusto?” Tiningala ko pa s’ya.

His dark eyes stared intensely at me.

“Will you quit your job if I say yes?” He challenged me.

“Of course not.”

He chuckled. The rumbling in his chest as he let out his low baritone chuckle felt so good against my palm. At dahil nakaunan din ako sa dibdib n’ya, mas nagtunog malalim ang pagtawa n’yang ’yon.

I touched that little dent on his left cheek. I still haven’t seen his dimple yet. ’Yung magpapakita talaga. Although I knew mas lalalim iyon kapag ngumiti na talaga s’ya. And it was then that I realized I hadn’t seen him smiling fully. I didn’t know but… it kinda saddens me. Para kasing hindi pa talaga s’ya nagiging masaya kaya hindi ko pa nakikita ng buo ang mga ngiti n’ya.

And yet, I felt really happy whenever I was with him. Hindi rin ba ganoon ang nararamdaman n’ya kapag kasama ako?

“And it’s fine with me,” he said. “I know you love your job. Hindi kita pipigilan kung doon ka masaya.”

Napangiti ako. Kinalimutan ko na ang inaalala ko kanina. Maybe he just didn’t like smiling too much. It was a good thing na nagpapakita na s’ya ng reaksyon ngayon unlike before na sobra kong kinaiinisan. At least, he was letting me feel that he really cares for me.

“But… there’s another job I would really love for you to do.”

Napatitig ako sa kanya. I had a bad feeling about it, but still, I indulged him.

“Ano ’yon?” tanong ko pa.

“A blowjob.”

I rolled my eyes. Hinampas ko ang dibdib n’ya at bumangon sa kama. He was chuckling as he let me get off him.

I knew it! Sabi na at hindi matino ang lalabas sa bibig n’ya! Palagi s’yang ganoon! He was so vocal, and it would make me blush every time!

To think na ang tahimik n’ya noon at palagi pang walang reaksyon sa mukha! Tapos ganito pala kabastos ang bibig! Like what the hell?

Tumayo ako sa harap ng bintana ng kwarto ko. I could see outside, and I noticed vehicles parked in front of our house. I already knew that Dad’s men would visit today as they would have meetings kaya sinabihan muna ako ni Daddy to stay in my room.

That wasn’t the first time. Palaging silang nagkakaroon ng meeting, and that would prevent me from going outside my room whenever they were around. Mas madalas ay noong bata ako. Around that time when my mom died. Back then, nagpupunta si Rio sa bahay at nakikipaglaro sa ’kin para libangin ako.

It was only now that I was grown up that I realized why Dad didn’t want me to even see those men. They were related to the Bratva. Dad didn’t want me to get entangled with the mafia, even though I was the only child of the Aslanov, and that made me a mafia princess.

“Devlin…” Nilingon ko s’yang nakahiga pa rin sa kama. He was using his arms as his pillow kaya medyo umangat ang shirt n’ya and I caught a glimpse of his vline. Iniwas ko ang tingin doon so I wouldn’t get distracted.

“Yes, love?”

I pursed my lips. Pinigilan ko ang kilig ko.

“Can you tell me more about the Bratva? I tried researching it sa internet pero nalilito pa rin ako.”

Saglit na natahimik si Devlin. I started to think that he wouldn’t tell, especially since Dad still wasn’t telling me anything. But I think I have the right to know. I was so done being clueless about what was happening around me.

He sighed. Bumangon nga sa kama pero umupo sa dulo noon. Tinapik n’ya ang mga hita n’ya at walang pag-aalinlangan akong lumapit sa kanya. Patagilid akong umupo sa mga hita n’ya. He placed his arms around my waist and pulled me close to him.

“Anong gusto mong malaman?” he asked.

Halos mapangiti ako roon. So, he’s willing to tell me everything.

“Like anong trabaho ni Dad sa Bratva? And anong ginagawa n’ya?”

“Hmm…” He gave it a thought. “He’s one of the two Derzhatel obshchaka . He’s under the support group that organizes specific crimes. He’s the bookkeeper who collects money from Brigadier and bribes the government with the money mafia, which we call obochek. “

Oh, wow… Wala akong naintindihan sa sinabi n’ya.

“I’m sorry, I’m not following.”

He chuckled. I suddenly felt like an idiot dahil feeling ko, isa akong batang walang alam and Devlin was my teacher, who was so patient in teaching me things I didn’t know.

“You met the Pakhan , right?”

I nodded.

“Si Serj.”

Si Devlin naman ang tumango ngayon.

“He’s the head of the Russian mafia, the Bratva. He controls everything. The most powerful man. Everyone bows to him.”

“So… s’ya ’yung pinaka-boss?”

“Yeah… and under him are the Two Spies . They watch over the actions of the brigadiers to ensure their loyalty and that no one will ever dare to betray the Bratva and question the power of the Pakhan .” He stared at them. “You already met them. The Bratva’s two spies.”

I frowned at him. I was trying to understand what he was saying and now I even had to dig in my mind kung sino ang sinasabi n’ya. Pero wala akong maalala.

“Sino?”

“That fashion designer’s man… You’ve only seen him though.”

My frown deepened. Sinubukan kong isipin kung sino ang tinutukoy n’ya.

Fashion designer…

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko.

“Si Irina? ’Yung rumored boyfriend n’ya?”

He smirked. He seemed pleased that I was now following his explanation.

“Yes… He’s the Sovietnik . He’s in charge of the support group. He’s the Pakhan’s advisor and also his most trusted man.”

“So… my father is working under him since sabi mo kanina, Dad is under the support group. Pero ang pinaka-boss pa rin nila is si Serj, right?”

Devlin chuckled. He nuzzled my neck.

“You’re really smart, Yelizaveta…”

I giggled. I felt happy that he complimented me.

“I know, right?”

Muli s’yang natawa.

“Alam kaya ni Irina na nasa mafia ’yung boyfriend n’ya?” I asked.

Devlin shrugged.

“I’m not sure. She might be. Since her boyfriend is the Pakhan second-in-command as well. And his brother.”

Hmm… I wanted to ask Irina. Tingin ko rin ay may alam s’ya. But she took a break from the industry and suddenly disappeared. Mahigit dalawang taon na rin akong walang balita sa kanya.

“Who’s the other one?” I asked. “’Yung isa sa two spies.”

May ilang sandali s’yang hindi nagsalita. There was a dark emotion in his eyes that passed so suddenly na mabilis ding nawala.

“That man you saw with the Pakhan .”

Saglit akong nag-isip. Inalala ang pangalan ng lalaking ’yon.

“Nikolaj?”

Devlin nodded.

“He’s the Obshchak . He manages the security group that handles physical and operational crime. He’s also the Bratva’s executioner.”

“Executioner?” Parang nakakatakot naman yatang pakinggan ’yon.

I noticed Devlin’s jaw clenched as he nodded.

“He takes information from people… forcefully.”

Tinitigan pa ako ni Devlin. Parang inaabangan ang magiging reaction ko. But I just tilted my head to the side in confusion, as I didn’t get what he was trying to say.

“He takes information by torturing them. He also eliminates those who are against the Pakhan and those who threaten his power.”

I suddenly felt goosebumps all over my body. Sa sinabi pa lang ni Devlin, parang may ideya na ako how dangerous that man was. I couldn’t even fathom the idea that he had held and kissed my hand. Pakiramdam ko, hindi ko na yata kakayanin if ever I see Nikolaj again.

There was a chance that he… already killed many people.

Now I understand why my father didn’t want me to know anything about the mafia and why he was preventing me from meeting any members of the Bratva. Just hearing this information from them was all too much for me.

They were all dangerous men. And my father might be too.

Ah… Dad didn’t want me to know how dirty his hands were. He just wanted me to stay innocent about all of this.

Naramdaman kong mas hinapit pa ako ni Devlin palapit sa katawan n’ya. He caressed my back, as if he was comforting me, knowing that I couldn’t handle this information.

Napalunok ako.

“You said that there are two derzha …” I pursed my lips. “That one with the same rank as my dad.”

“ Derzhatel obshchaka. “

“Yeah, that… Sino ’yung isa?”

Saglit na napatitig sa ’kin si Devlin. Parang iniisip kung magpapatuloy pa ba o hindi.

He heaved a deep sigh.

“Kozlov.”

Napaisip ako. I heard that name.

“Oh… they’re one of the three powerful mafia families, right?”

He nodded.

“Yeah… that’s why the Pakhan gave the Aslanov and the Kozlov the title of Derzhatel obshchaka . So, the two spies could watch over them and make sure that they would remain loyal to the Romanov.” A smirk formed on his lips. “I admit that was smart of him.”

“What about you?” I asked.

Napatitig sa ’kin si Devlin.

“What about me?”

“Anong title mo? I’m sure you’re not just an ordinary bodyguard. The Pakhan seems to know you well.”

I’m really curious about Devlin. Hindi rin s’ya kasi nagkukwento tungkol sa sarili n’ya. I think he just didn’t want to talk about it, so I wasn’t asking him. Ayoko namang magkuwento s’ya nang hindi n’ya gusto.

But I really want to know more about him.

I think he’s a member of the Bratva. Kilala s’ya ni Serj at Nikolaj. As if they’ve met Devlin before. Isa pa, Devlin seemed to know a lot about how the Bratva works. I mean… you would only know that much if you were one of them.

Nag-iwas ng tingin sa ’kin si Devlin. For a while, his eyes seemed distant. Nawalan na naman ng reaction ang mukha n’ya. He looked cold, and I hated that. I suddenly regretted having to ask him about himself.

“ Brigadiers … the captain in charge. They give out jobs to a small group of men called the Boyevik , the warriors, which usually contain five to six members and are in charge of recruiting people to pay tribute up to the brigadier . While the brigadier pays tribute to the Pakhan .“

Napakurap ako. Hindi ko alam kung sinagot n’ya pa ang tanong ko o hindi.

“So, you’re a brigadier?” I asked.

There was a pause.

“Yes.”

“Then… you’re in charge of boyeviks ?” But he didn’t seem like he was handling a group of men.

He shook his head.

“No. I am a special case since I became your bodyguard. Your father has another brigadier in my place.”

“Oh… so the Kozlov has a brigadier too?”

“Yes…”

Napaisip ako.

“Wait… I think I get it.” Inalala ko ang mga sinabi n’ya. “So, there’s like two groups under the Pakhan, the support group, which organizes specific crimes and is handled by the Sovietnik , and the security group, which focuses more on operational crime and is handled by the Obshchak . And you and Dad are in the support group. While the Kozlov is in the security group.”

There was a ghost smile on Devlin’s lips.

“Yes.”

“And the two spies, the Sovietnik and Obshchak , are watching over the Aslanov and the Kozlov to make sure that we won’t overpower the Pakhan. “

Devlin pursed his lips, trying not to smile.

“As well as the brigadiers, yes.”

Napakurap ako.

“Ano ’yung lowest title?”

“The shestyorka . They are also called the sixth. The errand boy. They provide intelligence for operations, though they usually stay out of the main action.”

I nodded. He told me a lot of information today, and I would probably forget some of that. But at least I got a glimpse of how the Bratva operation works.

“Bratva’s hierarchy is so complicated,” I said.

Devlin chuckled.

“It needs to be like that. Para sa maayos na operation ng mafia.”

“How about ’yung mga lalaki sa labas? Ano ’yung mga ’yon?”

“Your father’s brigadier and their boyeviks. “

Napatango ako. Now I am sure that I wouldn’t want to meet them.

“Do you have any idea why they’re having a meeting?”

Devlin was silent for a while.

“I think there’s a war coming,” he said.

Napakurap ako.

“What?”

“The enemies are making their move. That’s why your father is being careful around the Pakhan . Your father didn’t want him to think even a little that he would betray him.”

Oh… so that was why Dad immediately called over the Pakhan when I got in danger back then!

“And I’m worried, Yelizaveta,” Devlin said. Titig na titig s’ya sa ’kin. “I’m worried that you might get caught up in the war.”

Napatitig ako sa mga mata n’ya. I saw his worries in them.

And he might be right. Now that I finally understand how the Bratva works, I realize how powerful the Pakhan is. Dad was being careful not to challenge him. Kaya naman ganoon ang takot ang pag-aalala n’ya nang mapahamak ako. The enemy wanted to take me so they would have the chance to overthrow the Pakhan as our family is powerful. And if that happens, our family would take the fall as well.

Hinaplos ko ang pisngi ni Devlin. His stubbles scuffed my soft palm.

“You’ll protect me, right?” I said, looking straight into his eyes.

“With all my life, Yelizaveta.”

My heart swells. Ramdam ko ang bikig sa lalamunan ko. I smiled at him, but my eyes were tearing up. Niyakap ko s’ya at ibinaon ang mukha ko sa leeg n’ya.

“Please, be careful as well, Devlin… I don’t know what to do if something happens to you. Don’t ever leave me.”

His hug on me tightened. He buried his face in my hair and inhaled my scent.

“Don’t worry, love. I’m always here for you.”

Chapter 22

WARNING: MILD R18

---

I was enjoying my time with Devlin. Although I was busy dahil sunod-sunod ang naging projects ko as it seemed like Arty was planning to make me a real well-known model and receive more benefits with the agency that I was under, at the end of the day, nawawala ang exhaustion na nararamdaman ko dahil nandoon si Devlin. Even though I knew that he still didn’t like the changes in the clothes I was wearing and the theme of the photoshoots, the man was set on giving me his full support. Ramdam ko naman iyon. And I loved him even more for that.

I always wanted to spend time with him. Sandali ko lang s’yang hindi makita, I felt missing him already. Kahit nga nasa malapit lang. I didn’t know that I could feel intense feelings for him. There were times that I even regretted suggesting that we should keep our relationship. Because it was so hard to hide about us when there were people around when all I wanted to do was kiss him, feel his touch, and make love to him. I want to let people know that Devlin was mine.

But I know I have to be careful. I couldn’t let my dad know. I was lucky that Dad seemed so busy these past few months. Ilang beses na nagpupunta sa ’min ang mga lalaking ’yon, which according to Devlin, were the Bratva’s brigadiers and boyeviks . Sa tingin ko nga, sa sobrang busy n’ya, hindi n’ya napapansing palagi akong wala sa bahay at may ilang beses na hindi ako umuuwi.

I’ve never been this free before. I was high, enjoying things with my career and relationship with Devlin. The bird that was in the gilded cage finally tasted freedom, to spread her wings and fly without worrying about anything else. And honestly? It was addicting. The feeling of doing something… forbidden and having this much freedom was so exhilarating.

Ipinarada ni Devlin ang car sa garage pero hindi muna kami bumaba. We just got home after a two-day photoshoot. Dad knew about it. Ipinaalam ko iyon sa kanya at mabilis n’ya naman akong pinayagan. Unlike before, hindi na ganoong kahigpit sa ’kin si Daddy and I was really thankful for that.

I looked at Devlin. I knew he was mad. He didn’t like the theme of the photoshoot this time as well. I had to pose without wearing any tops, and I was just hugging a beach ball to cover my chest. I was wearing a really short frilly skirt na umabot lang sa ilalim ng butt ko and a white bikini, so there was still that sense of innocence. I was smiling innocently, but my gaze was as if I were making love with the camera.

I imagined the intimate time I had with Devlin to pull off that look. But I’d never tell anyone about that.

The entire drive home, Devlin was silent. Even though he wasn’t saying anything, I already knew that he was mad and why. And luckily, I also know how to appease his anger.

I unbuckled my seatbelt and stared at him. I didn’t know why, but I actually liked that he was this… possessive of me and that he was always saying that he didn’t want to share me with anyone. Maybe there was something wrong with me.

I reached for his arm and caressed it. The feeling of his hard bicep against my soft palm was so good. Hindi ko mapigilang pisil-pisilin iyon habang hinahaplos.

“Are you still mad?” I asked, still caressing his arm. This time, my touch turned sensual. Pinapagapang ko ang mga daliri ko sa matigas n’yang braso.

Ah… I never thought I could do something like this. But when you have someone like Devlin as your lover, all your innocence will come right out the window. Kaya nga sa tingin ko, hindi na bagay sa ’kin ang title kong innocent kind angel. Because I’m not innocent anymore, and I am definitely not kind.

Devlin’s bicep flexed, meaning that he was getting affected by my touch. But he was fighting it, siguro ay gustong ipakitang galit pa rin s’ya sa ’kin.

So, I got even bolder. Inilapit ko ang katawan ko sa kanya. I placed a wet kiss on his lips, nilagyan ko pa ng tunog bago humiwalay at ibinaba ang mga labi sa nagngangalit n’yang mga panga. I placed noisy kisses on his clenched jaw and under his ear.

Shit… he smelled so fucking good. Kahit ako ay naaapektuhan na sa ginagawa ko. I liked smelling him, so hindi ko na pinigilan ang sarili ko. I inhaled his scent, trailing the tip of my nose down his jaw to his neck. I even touched the side of his face so I could angel his head para mas maamoy ko s’ya.

I heard him groan. Suddenly, he lifted me and placed me on his lap. I was straddling him; my legs were on his sides. I giggled at the sudden movement, but it died inside Devlin’s mouth when he gave me an open-mouthed kiss.

I moaned and tried to answer his kisses. Pero masyadong marahas ang halik. Masyadong maddin. Parang pinaparusahan ako at sa mga labi ko ibinubuhos ang galit n’ya.

He was nibbling my lips, and I was gasping with the pain. His hand went to my neck, ang mga daliri ay bumabaon sa gilid ng leeg ko at sa panga ko. He put the other on the back of my head, angling it so he could devour my lips properly.

I really like how he was always so intense. Parang laging gusto akong kainin ng buo. There was never a gentle way when it came to him. Ibinubuhos n’ya ang lahat ng gigil n’ya. And it made me feel really good, as I could tell how much he wanted me. That he never got tired of me, no matter how many times we’d done this.

“Devlin…”

I gasped his name when his lips went down my jaw. My gasp turned into a moan when he licked the length of my neck up to my ear. He nibbled my earlobe before he licked my ear. My body involuntarily jerked away from him as it tickled me, but he held my neck firmly, didn’t give me the chance to distance myself from him, and continued licking my ear thoroughly.

Holy fuck, holy fuck! I couldn’t take it. Nanginginig ang mga kamay kong napakapit sa mga balikat n’ya para kumuha ng suporta. My fingers were gripping his shirt as I was feeling too much sensation. I didn’t know that my ears were this sensitive. Kapag hinahalikan lang ni Devlin ang mga iyon at saka ko naaalala ang tungkol roon.

“Oh, my God…” I whispered breathlessly.

“You’re doing it on purpose, hmm?” he whispered before he licked my ear again.

“Ah!” An embarrassing whimper escaped from my mouth. “What?”

“Making me mad so I would fuck you,” he said in a guttural voice. “You’re a fucking slut. Always craving for my cock.”

I bit my lower lip as I whimpered. I was really getting wet. I could tell that my orgasm was already building. I tried to keep it in. To think that Devlin was just… ravishing my ear.

But I couldn’t stop my hips from moving. I grind my hips against him. I was wearing a dress. I always wore a dress or a skirt when I was with him for easy access. Because like animals in heat, just a touch from him could set my body on fire. I didn’t know that I could feel this much… wanting from a person.

When the part between my legs grazed that bulge inside his pants, I heard his frustrated groan. Naramdaman ko ang mariin n’yang pagkagat sa leeg ko, just that part below my ear. His teeth dug into my skin. It was painful but felt really good at the same time.

And I knew that his control already snapped. He was like that. Kapag nangangagat, malapit nang maputol ang pagpipigil so he was trying to contain his lust by biting me. Pero mukhang hindi na n’ya makontrol ang sarili n’ya ngayon. Siguro, kanina pa s’ya galit.

He unbuckled his belt. I was getting nervous. The car was heavily tinted but someone might have noticed it. Baka nga may nakakita ng pagdating namin at magtaka kung bakit hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin kami bumaba.

I think Dad still had visitors. May isa pang kotse kasing nakaparada rin sa garage. Sanay na naman akong palagi s’yang may mga bisita.

“Devlin…” my voice was shaking. I wasn’t sure if it was because of nervousness or anticipation. “Someone might see us.”

I said that pero hindi naman ako gumawa ng paraan para pigilan s’ya.

“Then let them see.”

He freed his cock inside his pants. It looked so hard and… huge. It was twitching, still getting bigger. And even though we had already done so many things, whenever I saw his manhood, I still got worried that it wouldn’t fit me.

I mean… how could he be so… huge?!

Devlin stroked it a few times. Nakatingin lang ako sa ginagawa n’ya. Then his other hand held my waist, guiding me up before he positioned himself on my opening. I was about to go down so he could enter me pero pinigilan n’ya ang bewang ko.

“Stay still,” he commanded.

He pushed my thong to the side and rubbed the head on my opening. Napaungol ako. My legs almost buckled, but I gripped his shoulders tightly to support myself. He rubbed it on my clit this time, giving me immeasurable pleasure that almost blinded me.

Malakas akong napaungol sa grabeng sensasyong naramdaman. My legs were wobbling, and I knew I couldn’t take it any longer. Hindi ko na kayang suportahan ang sarili ko.

But Devlin rubbed the head against my clit harder this time, putting more pressure in it. Hindi ko na talaga kinaya at napasubsob na ako sa balikat n’ya.

I felt him chuckle.

“So sensitive…”

He guided my hips up. He only entered the head but I already felt so full. My opening was already stretching so much because of his size. And then, without saying anything, he rammed his cock fully inside me.

Hindi man lang ako nakasigaw. I couldn’t even breathe because of the pain and so much pleasure I felt. My body jerks as I feel myself adjusting for him. Inatake naman ni Devlin ang bibig ko, not giving me time to breathe and recover.

“Move your hips, love…” he said against my lips.

And I did. I moved my hips up and down. I bit my lower lip to stop myself from moaning dahil alam kong malalakas na ungol ang lalabas doon. I was trying to control my movements so the car wouldn’t shake so much. Baka may makahalata pa kung anong ginagawa namin sa loob.

Devlin kissed me again. His tongue played with my tongue, and I tried to keep up with his movements. But he probably got impatient as he ravished my mouth again, seeking every corner with his sinful tongue, biting my lips, and devouring me.

I was near. I knew that. Binilisan ko ang paggalaw ng balakang ko. Nawala na sa isip kong magdahan-dahan. I needed to have my release. I wanted to have my release.

My insides clenched around his huge cock. Devlin felt it as I heard him groan. Sumabunot ang isa n’yang kamay sa buhok ko, just at the back of my head, and tugged it hanggang sa mapatingala ako. Then he assaulted my neck, licking it, biting the exposed parts.

I put my hand over my mouth when I felt my release. Idiniin ko ang kamay na nakatakip sa bibig ko. Hindi ko na kasi napigilan ang ungol ko. And I was still having my release when Devlin moved so fast. He was fucking deep and hard. And rough. Always so rough.

I felt him slap my butt cheek with his large hand. Nanggigigil na kinagat n’ya ang balikat ko habang patuloy sa mabibilis at mararahas na pag-ulos. My body was trembling so much. I think I was still having my orgasm. I didn’t know. Lust and pleasure have already blinded me.

“Your pussy seems to love my cock, huh?” he said with gritted teeth. “It’s wrapping around me, not letting go.” He chuckled. “What a fucking slut.”

Holy fuck… His words were humiliating and degrading to me. But it was making me hot at the same time. Mas nagugustuhan pa nga ata ’yon ng katawan ko.

He slapped my butt cheeks again before gripping them with his large hands. He spread it and fucked me with so much force that I thought it would break me.

Malakas akong napaungol. I didn’t even try stopping it. I think I was having another orgasm. I wasn’t sure if this was a new one or hindi pa rin natatapos iyong kanina.

Devlin made small grunts. He was near, I know. I could feel him getting bigger inside me. Hinawakan n’ya ang balakang ko, holding in place before he fucked me savagely.

I gasped. I couldn’t breathe with so much force from his movement. Then I came again, with a few more violent thrusts, and I felt Devlin shoot his warm load inside me, letting out a groan under his throat.

He hugged my body. His hand reached for my hair and gripped it tightly. He made a few more thrusts before he finally pulled out his cock.

I felt our juices dripping down my thighs. Pero napasubsob na lang ako sa mga balikat ni Devlin. Nawalan na ako ng lakas.

We were both trying to catch our breath. Ang kamay n’yang mahigpit na nakasabunot sa buhok ko kanina ay humahaplos na ngayon. His other hand caressed my back. He murmured sweet words in my ear as well as giving my hair a kiss.

“ Vy khorosho spravilis’ ,“ he whispered. “ Ty takaya khoroshaya, lyubov’ moya.“

I smiled. Napapapikit na ako. Parang gusto ko na lang matulog sa mga balikat ni Devlin. But I knew we still had to get out of the car, and I couldn’t let him carry me.

I got off him. He took the tissue from the glove compartment and helped me clean up. S’ya na rin ang nag-ayos ng damit ko. He even tried to brush my hair with his fingers, wiping the sweat off my forehead.

I made sure that I looked good before getting out of the car. Napatingin pa ako sa paligid kung may tao. Luckily, there was no one. Patay-malisya akong nagsimulang maglakad papasok. Si Devlin ay nakasunod lang sa ’kin, just like what he always did.

“You’re finally here.”

Nagulat pa ako nang sumalubong sa ’kin si Dad pagpasok ko pa lang ng bahay. I made sure that my hair was draped on my shoulders, para matakpan ang leeg ko. I knew Devlin had left a mark again.

“D-dad…”

Malalim ang tingin na binigay sa ’kin ni Dad. Kinabahan pa ako. He looked so serious.

Did he… may nahalata ba s’ya?

Pinigilan ko ang sariling tumingin sa likuran para tingnan si Devlin. I knew that he was there. Palagi naman s’yang nakasunod sa ’kin kahit na nandio na ako sa loob ng mansion.

“You have a visitor,” Dad said.

I frowned in confusion.

“Who?” I asked. Wala akong inaasahang bisita ngayon.

“He’s in the drawing room, waiting for you.”

Hmm? So, kanina pa ’yung bisita?

Tumango na lang ako kay dad. Nakita ko pa ang pagsulyap n’ya kay Devlin bago ako hinalikan sa pisngi at sinabing puntahan na ang naghihintay kong bisita. Still, wondering who it was, I went to the drawing room. Gusto kong malaman kung sino muna iyon na mukhang kanina pa naghihintay sa ’kin.

Devlin was still following me behind. I opened the door to the drawing and when I went inside and saw who the visitor was, I regretted not going to my room and fixed myself.

“R-rio…”

Rio, who smiled as soon as he saw me, stood up. He opened his arms just like he always did kapag nagkikita ulit kami.

“Angioletto mio…”

I hesitated. Of course, I’d fucking hesitate. I was so surprised that Rio was here. He never said anything. He didn’t call me again after the… last time we talked. That was the time when Devlin got jealous. Hindi ko rin naman s’ya matawag dahil nahihiya ako. I was worried that he would notice something.

And Devlin was here. Alam kong nasa likuran ko lang s’ya. He wouldn’t like it if I hugged Rio. Plus, we just did something and… I suddenly felt guilty that Rio was in front of me.

I checked my hair unconsciously. Natatakpan pa rin noon ang marking iniwan ni Devlin. Natatakot akong may mapansin si Rio.

When I still remained standing, not running inside his hug like before, I saw confusion in his eyes. His smile wavered, and he stared at me with his observing eyes.

“Is there something wrong?”

Sa narinig ay mabilis akong umiling. I should act like my usual self. Kung hindi ay mas lalo s’yang makakahalat.

So, I stepped towards him. Sa bawat paghakbang ay nanginginig ang mga tuhod ko. Ramdam ko kasi ang mabibigat na titig ni Devlin. He didn’t like what I was doing.

Shit.

Napangiti ulit si Rio nang makalapit ako. I went into his hug awkwardly. Mahigpit n’ya akong niyakap na alanganin kong ginantihan. Magtatagal pa nga sana iyon kung hindi lang ako mabilis na humiwalay sa kanya.

“You didn’t tell me that you’re visiting,” I said as I stepped away from him.

May ilang sandaling nakatitig lang s’ya sa ’kin. Kinabahan ko. He might’ve noticed something dahil ang bilis kong lumayo sa kanya. At hindi katulad noon ang higpit ang yakap ko sa kanya.

I could just make an excuse that I grew up. I’m a woman now. Ilang taon din kaming nagkahiwalay at hindi na rin kami madalas na nakakapag-usap.

“I wanted to surprise you,” he said.

“Well…” I let out an awkward laugh. “You succeeded. I’m surprised.”

Hindi naalis ang titig n’ya sa ’kin. Bahagya pang naningkit ang mga mata n’ya. There was something in his eyes that I couldn’t even name.

“Mukhang hindi ka masayang nandito ako.”

Mabilis ang naging pag-iling ko.

“Oh, no! Of course, I’m happy you’re here!”

He smiled. But there was something in his smile that sent chills down my spine.

“Hmm… Do you, really?”

Shit. I couldn’t take this anymore.

“Uhm… can I wash up first? I mean… kauuwi ko lang from my shoot. I probably look like a mess.”

“Of course not… You’re still beautiful in my eyes, angioletto mio. “

Oh, no…

“But if that’s what will make you comfortable, of course, you can do that. I’ll just wait here.” He gave me another smile. “Mukhang marami tayong pag-uusapan.”

Tumango ako.

“Okay.”

“Devlin can entertain me while waiting for you. So, take your time.”

I tried to smile at him. I just wasn’t sure if it looked like a smile. Feeling ko kasi, namumutla na rin ako sa sobrang kaba.

Tumalikod na ako. Nasalubong ko agad ang mabibigat na tingin ni Devlin. He looked cold. His face wasn’t showing any emotion pero ramdam ko ang lamig at galit sa titig n’ya.

I gave him an apologetic smile. Pero hindi man lang nagbago ang tingin n’ya. Hanggang sa makalagpas ako sa kanya ay ramdam ko ang kalamigan n’ya.

As soon as I went out of the drawing, I heaved a deep sigh.

Oh, no… Everything’s a mess.

Chapter 23

I chose to wear a turtleneck sweatshirt and pants just to make sure that there wouldn’t be any marks that Devlin left on me that could be seen. I already checked myself in the mirror but it was better to be safe. Si Rio pa naman ang makakaharap. He was always observant. He hid his thoughts behind his smile. Kapag naiisip ko pa lang na ngingiti s’ya sa ’kin habang kausap ako, my nervousness would already spike up. His gentle smile, which I always loved to see before, has become something that scares me now.

I was really surprised to see him here. Wala man lang s’yang pasabi. He never called me before coming here. The last time we’ve talked was way so long ago that I had the impression na patatagalan pa s’ya sa kung anumang inaasikaso n’ya. And to be honest, it was fine with me. I missed him, but… I wasn’t that excited to see him again. Unlike before.

So, I knew that Rio got confused with how I acted earlier. I didn’t think I looked too enthusiastic seeing him again, which was probably not what he was expecting as I was… too attached to him before. I was even downhearted when we met the last time, and he told me that he wouldn’t be visiting me for a long time dahil sa mga aasikasuhin n’ya.

I knew I had a huge crush on him before. I was so aware of that. But now… thinking about it, I might have been wrong. Dahil hindi iyon ang una kong naisip kanina nang makita s’ya. When I looked at him, I didn’t see him as a man whom I was crushing on. Mas inisip ko pa si Devlin at ang nararamdaman n’ya. All I could think of earlier was how Devlin felt when Rio suddenly showed up. I knew that he didn’t like Rio.

And even right now, mas iniisip ko pa si Devlin. Alam kong ayaw n’yang kinakausap ko si Rio. I knew that he might get… mad at me again. Iba pa naman s’yang magselos.

Maybe… what I felt for Rio was just admiration. Because he was there to cheer me up when my mother died. He took care of me. Maybe… I just saw him as an older brother figure.

But what I felt for Devlin was too intense. A feeling that I didn’t know how to handle. It was too much. Palaging may gustong kumawala. Nandoon din ang pakiramdam na gusto ko s’yang palaging nasa tabi ko. And that I want to keep him all to myself.

I wanted him all for myself. His attention, his time, his emotions, his feelings, his love… gusto ko ay sa akin lang ang lahat ng ’yon.

I went back to the drawing room. I saw Rio already sitting down, calmly sipping his tea that the maid probably served while I was gone. He had his legs crossed, as if he felt really comfortable. Sa kaharap n’yang long sofa ay nakaupo si Devlin. Unlike Rio, Devlin looked tense. He had a stern expression on his face. Madalim ang mukha a parang gusto nang patayin si Rio gamit ang tingin. I also noticed his fist clenched on his lap.

What the hell happened?

“Angioletto mio…” It was Rio who greeted me. Pinasadahan n’ya ako ng tingin. “You’re covered up.”

Pilit akong ngumiti sa kanya.

“I just like this style.” What a lame lie.

Sinulyapan ko si Devlin. I found him already staring at me. His eyes were blank. Nandoon na naman ulit ang kawalan ng expression sa mukha n’ya. I hated it when he was like this. But I guess that now that Rio’s back, balik na naman ulit s’ya sa ganoon.

No… I missed him already. Iyong s’ya kapag magkasama kami.

Kailan ba aalis si Rio?

“You can go now, Alexeev.”

I noticed Devlin’s jaw clenched. Halatang hindi nagustuhan ang sinabi ni Rio.

“It’s my job to watch over Yelizaveta,” he even said.

Rio raised an eyebrow. He was chuckling when he put down the teacup on the table.

“I know. I gave you that job. But you don’t have to watch her when she’s with me.”

“I was hired by Mr. Aslanov.”

“With my recommendation. You wouldn’t have that job if it weren’t for me. You know that.”

There was tension in the air. Ramdam ko na ’yon kaninang pagpasok ko pa lang pero parang mas lumala lang yata ngayon. The air felt so heavy that I had a hard time breathing. It was so uncomfortable.

Devlin looked like he was about to go berserk, though his face was still void with emotion. Maybe it was because I spent so much time with him, or I just loved looking into his eyes, that I seemed to know how to read him. Kitang-kita ko sa mga mata n’ya ang galit para sa kaharap.

And Rio seemed like he was provoking him even further. There was a smile on his lips. I realized now that Rio had different smiles. Not only the gentle ones he often gave me.

Or maybe… his gentle smiles have different meanings too. He was just good at hiding them.

“Devlin…” I called him.

He looked at me. I almost flinched when his dark eyes found mine. They looked so blank that I got hurt. Ayokong tingnan n’ya ako sa ganitong paraan. It always gave me the feeling that I was nothing to him.

I took a deep breath. Something similar to this has already happened. Ang kaibahan lang, ako ang nagpapaalis sa kanya noon dahil kasama ko si Rio. I told him I was safe when I was with Rio, and he didn’t have to guard me.

I didn’t know why but I think I’d be making a huge mistake kapag inulit ko iyon. So, I looked at Rio instead.

“Rio… can’t he… stay? Devlin’s my bodyguard.”

Maybe I was also making a mistake with this. Pero… ayokong saktan si Devlin.

Tinitigan ako ni Rio. Wala na ang ngiti sa mga labi n’ya.

“He didn’t want to be on his guard. You’re safe with me.”

“I know, but… may nangyari kasi before, Rio. I got in danger, and since then… Devlin has to watch me all the time to keep me safe.”

It probably didn’t make any sense. We were in the drawing room inside the mansion, which was the safest place for me. I was safe with Rio. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. So, there’s no need for Devlin to be here.

But I’m choosing Devlin this time. Besides… I want him to be here as well.

Ilang sandaling nakatitig lang sa ’kin si Rio, as if he was trying to read me. I was acting differently. Before he left, he knew that I didn’t like having Devlin around. Pero ngayon… ako pa mismo ang may gustong nandito s’ya.

Ah… damn it. All that hiding we did so people wouldn’t know about our relationship might have gone to waste now. Sooner or later, makakahalata na si Rio.

But then, Rio smiled. It was the gentle smile he always gave me.

“Alright… if that’s what you want.”

I sighed in relief.

“Thank you, Rio.”

“In exchange… can my little angel hug me again? Nabitin ako kanina. Let me feel how much you missed me with your hug.”

Tumayo pa si Rio and he even spread his arms. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. I hesitated, as I knew that Devlin was watching us. I could even feel his heavy stare prickling my skin. But Rio was waiting.

I know no matter what I do, there will be consequences. So, I just quickly calculated what was the better thing to do. Kung saan alam kong mas hindi masasaktan si Devlin.

I took a deep breath. Humakbang ako palapit kay Rio at pumaloob sa mga braso n’ya. He quickly enveloped me in his arms. Mas mahigpit ang yakap n’ya sa ’kin ngayon at bahagya pang nagtagal.

When he finally released me, hindi ko magawang tingnan si Devlin. I knew that I had done something wrong. He didn’t like that I hugged Rio. Iyon nga lang kausapin ko si Rio sa phone at hindi na n’ya nagustuhan, what more when I hugged him?

But… it was better than telling him to leave us alone here. Alam kong mas hindi n’ya magugustuhan kung paaalisin ko s’ya ngayon.

“You can stay then, Alexeev,” Rio said.

In the corner of my eyes, I saw Devlin stand up. Hindi pa rin ako makatingin sa kanya kahit na nang tumayo s’ya sa likod ng inuupuan n’ya. I bet that things will be really uncomfortable for me from now on.

“Let’s take a seat,” sabi pa ni Rio at tumango na lang ako.

I sat on the seat that Devlin vacated, so he was behind me. My back straightened. I could feel the threatening aura that he omitted, making sure that I knew how furious he was right now.

“How have you been, Rio?” I asked. I tried to act as normally as I could while trying to ignore Devlin’s presence.

“I’ve been well, angioletto mio . And you? I’m sorry if I couldn’t attend your graduation.”

I smiled and shook my head.

“It’s alright, Rio… Nasabi mo na rin naman sa ’kin na magiging busy ka. I understand.”

“Hmm…” He stared at me. “Mukhang magaling ka nang mag-Tagalog kahit walang nagtuturo sa ’yo. I felt bad na hindi ko natuloy ang pagtuturo sa ’yo. But it seems that you’re a genius.”

Pinanatili ko ang ngiti sa mga labi ko. It was better for him to think that way. I just couldn’t tell him that it was Devlin who taught me so well.

Damn it… I hate this. I hate that we were keeping our relationship a secret. Ayokong ganitong parang itinatago s’ya when I knew that we weren’t doing anything wrong.

I mean… it’s not that I shouldn’t fall in love with my bodyguard. Wala naman sigurong masama roon.

“Mukhang hindi ka na yata busy?” I asked, trying to divert the topic. “Tapos na ba ang inaasikaso mo?”

He smiled at me.

“I finally found my brother.”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko.

“Are you talking about your brother, who went missing when you were kids?”

Nakangiting tumango si Rio. Halata ang saya sa mga mata n’ya.

“Yes… I found him more than a year ago.”

“Oh, my gosh…” Naitakip ko pa ang mga kamay sa bibig ko.

I mean, he had been looking for his brother for so long! Bata pa lang ako ay alam ko nang hinahanap na n’ya ang kapatid n’ya. That was why he was going around to look for him. Matagal man but at least he finally found him!

“I’m so happy for you, Rio…”

He chuckled. He scratched his left brow.

“Well… he’s mad at me… Mad at our family. But I’m hoping that I could at least build our relationship as brothers. Kaya nga kinukulit ko at hindi nilulubayan kahit na masyadong halata na hindi n’ya gustong makita ako.”

Oh… so that was why, even after more than a year that he found him, ngayon lang s’ya nakabisita. Iyon siguro ang dahilan. He was trying to build their bond as brothers.

I smiled at him.

“I’m sure he’ll come around. Lalo na kapag nalaman n’yang ang tagal mo s’yang hinanap and hindi ka talaga sumuko.”

His lips twitched. Bahagyang nabawasan ang ngiti n’ya but his gentle smile returned after that.

“Gusto kong maayos muna ang lahat bago kita bisitahin ulit,” he said. “I wanted to tell the good news to you in person.”

Lumawak ang ngiti sa mga labi.

“It is really such good news, Rio… I can understand naman why ngayon ka lang nakabisita. I mean… I was kinda busy with my career as well.”

“Oh, yes… I’ve heard and seen your achievements. I’m so proud of you, angioletto mio .”

I giggled. Nawala na ang ilang na nararamdaman ko. I remembered how nice it felt to talk to him.

“Thank you…” I smiled. “Saan mo nga pala nahanap ang kapatid mo?”

His smile was faint this time.

“He’s here in Russia.”

Natigilan ako. I wanted to ask him if that was the reason why he was frequently in Russia back then. But it wouldn’t make any sense since he just found him more than a year ago.

“Your father told me to see him once everything is settled,” he said.

Napakurap ako. And then I frowned at him.

“May problema ba? I also kind of noticed na madalas na nakikipag-meeting si Dad lately.”

May ilang sandaling hindi nagsalita si Rio. He looked like he was thinking of something. Seryoso ang mukha n’ya. At times like this, I was reminded that he was no ordinary man.

I wanted to look behind me. God knows how hard I was trying to stop myself from doing that. Nawala na ang ilang ko kay Rio but I could still feel Devlin’s presence.

Shit… I wanna be with him. I wanted to apologize and soothe his anger. But I couldn’t just dismiss Rio.

“Hmm… why don’t we find out? Ang sabi rin naman ng dad mo, we should see him right after our talk.”

“Kasama ako?” Itinuro ko pa ang sarili ko.

“Yes. Sa ’yo nga yata s’ya may sasabihin. He’s waiting for us in his study.”

I got even more confused. Nagkita na kami ni Dad kanina but he didn’t mention this to me.

But then, I nodded. We decided to see my dad. I was really curious what he wanted to tell me na kailangan ay kasama pa talaga si Rio.

And… why do I feel like he waited for Rio to be here before he’d told me whatever it was? I don’t know. That’s just what I think lalo pa at sinabi ni Rio that Dad told him to see him.

Or maybe… it’s just a coincidence?

While we were walking to my dad’s study, hindi ko na talaga napigilan ang mapatingin kay Devlin na nakasunod lang sa likuran namin. He immediately caught my gaze, and I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Masyadong blangko ang mukha n’ya. I wanted to talk to him first, as I was feeling anxious, but Rio was here.

It’s just that… hindi lang maganda ang kutob ko.

“You can stay here, Alexeev,” sabi ni Rio bago pa kami pumasok sa study ni Dad. “It’ll be an important talk, and it’s not for you to hear.”

I wanted to protest. I wanted Devlin to be there. Hindi lang talaga maganda ang pakiramdam ko and Devlin’s presence would comfort me. Kahit na alam kong galit sa ’kin ngayon si Devlin, mas gugustuhin ko nang harapin ang galit n’ya kaysa sa hindi magandang pakiramdam na ’to.

Devlin’s eyes turned to look at me. Mukhang walang pakialam kahit na makita ni Rio na nakatitig s’ya sa ’kin. I looked back at him, nervous but still wanting to stare at him. All those times we’ve spent together, kapag sandali lang kaming hindi nagkasama ay hinahanap ko agad s’ya.

It’s all right… I could just think that he’d be right here, ready to come to my rescue. Kahit na ang makakasama ko sa loob ay sina Dad at Rio, who surely wouldn’t do anything to hurt me.

I heard Rio chuckle. Napatingin ako sa kanya. He was looking at Devlin with amusement in his eyes. Then he looked at me. His eyes still had the same glint.

“Apologies, angioletto mio … but your bodyguard cannot accompany you this time.”

My hands trembled. Itinago ko iyon sa likuran ko. Sobrang kaba ang bumundol sa dibdib ko but I tried not to show any signs of nervousness.

He noticed something. I knew that Rio had noticed something.

I smiled at him.

“It’s okay…” I looked at Devlin as casually as I could. “Just stay here, then, Devlin… It’ll be okay.”

Nakatitig lang sa ’kin si Devlin. Hindi na talaga inalis ang tingin sa ’kin so I knew that he noticed my anxiety. I knew he noticed the uncertainty in my eyes.

He took a deep breath. Mariin ang titig n’ya sa mga mata ko nang tumango.

“Alright, Yelizaveta. I’ll be right here where you left me.”

I couldn’t help but smile at him. I wondered if he knew that he comforted me with those words, especially since there was so much certainty in his eyes.

I looked at Rio and found him staring at me. Seryoso ang mga mata n’ya but I didn’t care. Right then, I didn’t mind kung may nahalata nga s’ya.

We entered Dad’s study. Nakita si Dad na nakatayo at nakatanaw sa glass wall just behind his desk. When he felt our presence, hinarap n’ya kami. I was surprised by the seriousness I saw in his eyes. It even felt as if I wasn’t looking at my dad. There was no affection I often saw in him when he looked at me.

“Should I assume that you’re done talking to my daughter?” he asked Rio.

Kahit hindi pa man sinasabi ni Dad na pwede na s’yang umupo, Rio went ahead and sat down on one of the sofas. He even crossed his legs and put his hands on his lap. He looked so comfortable as he smiled at my father.

“Yes.”

“Have you told her about your brother?”

Rio shrugged his shoulders.

“Not entirely, but… just a gist of it.”

“How about his identity?”

“She’ll find out soon enough.”

Palipat-lipat lang ang tingin ko sa kanila. I couldn’t understand, but I think they were talking about me.

“What’s happening?” I asked. I was still standing, gaping at the two men.

Dad finally looked at me. He looked stressed, probably because he had been so busy lately. But there was still that… unfamiliar aura around him. Something told me I wouldn’t be talking with my father this time, but with who he was in the mafia.

He took a deep breath.

“Take a seat, Yelizaveta.”

I shook my head. Even his voice lacked affection for his daughter.

“No,” I said. “Whatever it is that you want to tell me, tell it to me now.”

He stared at me. To be honest, I am so damn nervous right now. But I reminded myself that Devlin was just right outside.

“Alright,” Dad said with a sigh. Mas naging seryoso ang tingin n’ya. “I want you to get married to the Sokolov, Yelizaveta.”

May ilang sandali akong hindi nakapagsalita. I definitely heard him, but his words didn’t register in my mind. I even think that I heard him wrong.

“What…?” I asked, barely a whisper.

“You’re going to marry Vissarion Sokolov, Yeliz.”

This time, I gaped at my father. Hindi makapaniwalang napatitig ako sa kanya. I didn’t know how I should react, as he said something so ridiculous. Napatingin pa ako kay Rio, who was still sitting comfortably as if he was watching a scene that entertained him greatly.

And then, a chuckle escaped from my lips. Hindi makapaniwala akong napatawa.

“I don’t think I heard you right, Dad.”

“I know you heard me clearly.”

I greeted my teeth. Bigla ang paglukob ng galit sa dibdib ko.

“And what did you expect to say?”

“I’m expecting that you’ll do what I say.”

Hindi ko na talaga napigilan ang galit ko. I glared at my father. Puno ng hinanakit na tiningnan ko s’ya. My hands were even trembling, and my vision was blurred with tears.

“You’re being ridiculous, Dad! I won’t do that! I won’t marry that man whose name I just heard for the first time!”

Shit… Ano ba ’tong sinasabi si Dad? My mind was in turmoil. I was even trying to find a hint on his face that he was just joking. That this was all just a dumb prank.

But I knew, as soon as I saw those eyes, he was being serious. At iyon ang mas nakakasakit sa ’kin.

Sa tingin n’ya talaga gagawin ko ’yon? Na magpapakasal ako sa lalaking hindi ko kilala? Sa lalaking ngayon ko lang narinig ang pangalan?

“Why?” he asked. “Is it because of your bodyguard?”

Natigilan ako.

“What?”

When Dad looked at me, I saw the fury in his eyes, and I flinched. Natakot pa akong baka saktan n’ya ako at hindi sinasadyang napahakbang ako ng isa paatras.

“You think I wouldn’t know?”

“What… what are you talking about, Dad?’ My voice trembled.

“You must’ve been thinking that your father’s an idiot, Yelizaveta!” He slammed the table with his fist, and I jumped in surprise.

“D-dad—”

“I know what’s going on with you and your bodyguard, Yelizaveta! I have known for a while now! That fucking son of a bitch. I could kill him for this!”

Chapter 24

No… That couldn’t be. Devlin and I… We were so careful. I made sure that no one would ever find out about our relationship. We avoided being physical when there were people around. If ever man we couldn’t keep on touching each other, we made sure that nobody would see us. We were only intimate when it was just the two of us.

So, how could my father know? There’s just no way. At kailan n’ya pa alam? For how long?

My breath trembled as I looked at my father. I’d never seen him look at me so furiously like this. Galit na galit ang tingin n’ya sa ’kin. Parang kayang-kaya n’ya akong saktan ngayon.

I’ve never been afraid of my father. He’s overprotective, yes. Madalas ay pinapagalitan ako kapag may ginagawa akong ayaw n’ya. But I knew he did it because he was worried about me. I could still feel his fatherly love.

But now, I could only see pure anger in his eyes. There was no hint of love or compassion he had for his daughter. Para bang hinding-hindi n’ya ako mapapatawad sa ginawa ko ngayon.

I wanted to cry. Ang sakit makita na ganito s’ya tumingin sa ’kin ngayon. I felt so low. Para bang ako na ang pinakamasamang taong nakita n’ya sa paraan ng tingin.

What is so wrong with what I did? I fell in love with my bodyguard—the one who was always by my side and the one who was always there to protect me. It was his job, yes, but he went out of his way to make sure that I was safe. He always saved me. And even if it wasn’t in his job description, tinulungan n’ya rin ako sa mga bagay kahit hindi n’ya naman na dapat gawin. He kept me company. He made me feel love and comfort when I was alone, when I felt like Dad tossed me aside because he was busy with his mafia activities and I was a bother to him.

I hid my relationship with Devlin. Kasi alam kong hindi magugustuhan ni Dad. But what was wrong with that? What is so wrong with falling in love with my bodyguard? Because he was of low status? I didn’t think that Dad would look at the status of a person and judge him.

Kung ayaw n’ya naman pala, sana sinabihan n’ya na ako noong una pa lang. Binalaan na n’ya ako. Although I don’t think it would help at all, I tried to suppress my feelings for Devlin by masking them as annoyance and irritation. And I think… I have been in love with him ever since.

And now… Dad say that I should marry someone? Hindi ko alam kung matagal n’ya nang plano ’to or he just planned it now dahil nalaman n’ya ang pakikipag-relasyon ko kay Devlin.

I gritted my teeth. Pigil na pigil ko ang sariling umiyak. I didn’t want to be such a mess while talking to my father.

“I didn’t know that you would stoop that low, Yelizaveta. Engaging in that kind of relationship with your bodyguard? Really?” Dad was almost spitting every word. Para bang diring-diri talaga s’ya sa ideyang ’yon.

Something inside me clicked. ’Yung galit na hinanakit na pinipigilan ko kanina pa, bigla na lang bumuhos.

“What’s wrong with that?

Dad looked taken aback.

“What?”

“Yes, I have a relationship with Devlin. I fell in love with him. But what’s wrong with that?” Hindi ko inaalis ang tingin kay Dad habang sinasabi iyon. I looked at him without fear in my eyes.

Why would I ever feel scared? Wala naman akong ginagawang mali.

Dad was staring at me for a while. Hindi makapaniwala ang tingin na ibinigay n’ya sa ’kin. Then he scoffed. He glanced behind me and pointed at me before scoffing again.

“Did you hear that, Don Rossetti? Did you hear what my daughter just said?”

“Loud and clear, Mr. Aslanov.”

Napatingin ako kay Rio na nakaupo pa rin. I’ve forgotten about him. Hindi ko alam na nandoon pa rin s’ya, sitting comfortably on the sofa as if he was watching an opera.

… what the hell? Did he see this as entertaining?

“So, it’s not just me!” Dad exclaimed kaya napatingin ako sa kanya. “My daughter did say something stupid!”

“It’s not stupid, Dad! You never told me that I shouldn’t fall in love with my bodyguard! You didn’t tell me it was so wrong!”

“Are you really that foolish that I need to tell you what you should and shouldn’t do, Yelizaveta? You’re not a child anymore!”

“Then tell me why it’s wrong, Dad! Devlin is a good man, so I don’t see why you’re so against him.” My tears started to well up. “Make me understand!”

Dad slammed his fist on the table. I flinched. Lalo na nang makita kong nagkalamat ang desk n’ya dahil doon. It was a solid wood. Hindi madaling masira. Ibig sabihin ay galit na galit na talaga si Dad at doon nilalabas ang galit.

“You’re going to marry Vissarion Sokolov! Do you think he’ll be delighted hearing about your relationship with that fucking bastard?” Halos manlisik na sa galit ang mga mata n’ya. “And the Pakhan ! Do you understand that what you did is a scandal to Aslanov’s name? Vot eto pizdets!”

I bit my trembling lower lip. I was hurting so much. I was so mad. Never in my life na maiisip kong magkakasagutan kami ng ganito ni Dad. Na ganitong galit na galit s’ya at hindi ako nagpapatalo.

Before, hindi na ako makikipagtalo sa kanya. I would just do whatever he said. I didn’t want him to get angry at me, as he was the only family I had. I saw how hurt he was when Mom died. Hindi ko na ulit gustong makita ang ganoong itsura n’ya. Hinang-hinang sa sobrang sakit na nararamdaman.

I promised myself that I’d be a good daughter to him. That I would do everything he wanted to make him happy. Because I knew how hard he tried to raise me and take care of me, even when Mom was already gone.

But… it felt so unfair. He didn’t tell me anything about the mafia or his work. And now, he’d involve me just like this?

I took a deep breath. Nanginginig kong pinakawalan iyon. Hirap na hirap pa ako dahil sa sakit sa dibdib ko.

“So, that’s why…” I took another shaky breath dahil halos bulong na lang ang lumabas sa ’kin. “That’s why you became lenient with me all of a sudden. I was even wondering why you let me become a model when you knew I had to go to different places for photoshoots and fashion shows. You’re overprotective yet you gave me permission every time.” Mapait akong napangiti. “It was because of this.”

Ah… it wasn’t because he found my relationship with Devlin. This engagement was already planned from the start.

Mas lalong nagtubig ang mga mata ko.

“You never planned to let me do what I wanted.”

“That was a mistake,” sabi ni Dad na mas lalong nagpasakit sa dibdib ko. “I shouldn’t have given you a bit of freedom. You abused the kindness I’ve shown you.”

Mapait akong natawa. May tumulong luha sa mga mata ko na mabilis kong pinunasan.

“Kindness? You called that kindness, Dad? It was my right! It was my right to do what I wanted! To be free! Yet you still keep me locked up like a bird in a cage! You never let me go to places without your permission first! You even gave me bodyguards so you could keep an eye on me!

“I did that to protect you! You just don’t understand, Yelizaveta! And instead of being thankful, you did nasty things behind my back!” Bumalik na naman ang galit sa mga mata n’ya. “You really think I wouldn’t find out about you and Alexeev? That fucking Alexeev who didn’t know his place when we already gave him a warning!”

“Don’t talk about him like that! It was Devlin who was always by my side!”

“Because that’s his fucking job!” He slammed the desk with his fist again. “Yet he fucking crossed the line. You both made a fool out of me! You really think I wouldn’t know? I’m the Derzhatel obshchaka ! I have a high position in the Bratva. I wouldn’t get fooled that easily.”

Hinayaan ko na lang ang pagtulo ng luha sa mga mata ko. I was glaring at my dad. Maybe I was being rude like this, pero hindi ko mapigilan ang galit.

He just wouldn’t listen. He just wouldn’t let me understand. Sarado ang isip n’ya sa isipin na ginawa n’ya ang lahat para sa kabutihan ko. That I should be thankful kahit na sakal na sakal na ako sa pagiging overprotective n’ya.

He did make me feel free. For a while. I was so thankful for it, not knowing na may kapalit pala ang lahat ng ’yon.

Because at the end of the day, he would let me marry a man I didn’t even know.

“Then you’re so smart, Dad… Why didn’t you stop us as soon as you knew about our relationship? Despite being aware of the situation, you did not intervene. Why is that?” I scoffed. “You’re at fault, too. You let me continue being in a relationship with Devlin, with my bodyguard that you, for God knows why, despise so much.”

Hindi nagsalita si Dad pero kitang-kita kong nanginginig s’ya sa galit. And I was mad too. I was hurting so much. Wala na akong pakialam kung masaktan s’ya sa sinasabi ko as his words were hurting me as hell.

I wasn’t kind. This is the real me.

“Or maybe… you didn’t stop us because you wanted to hurt me,” I said. Pinipigilan ko ang humikbi sa gitna ng pag-iyak. “You made me fall madly in love with my bodyguard before revealing that I would marry someone else. You wanted to hurt me because I made you feel foolish, right, Dad?”

Dad didn’t say anything for a while. Sa bawat segundong lumilipas na hindi s’ya nagsasalita ay mas lalong sumisikip ang dibdib ko sa sakit. I know I’m wrong. Dad wasn’t like that. He might do things that hurt me, but he wouldn’t hurt me deliberately.

But with him remaining silent like this, it was just like he was confirming my thoughts, no matter how ridiculous it sounds.

“Think whatever you want,” he said instead at halos hindi na ako makahinga sa sakit. “I already told the Pakhan about your engagement with Sokolov, and he gave his approval. His words are law. We shouldn’t go against him or there will be consequences.” Mariin s’yang tumitig sa ’kin. “You understand what I’m saying, right, doshka ?”

Of course, I understand. I am not stupid, just like he said earlier. At kahit hindi ganoong kalawak ang kaalaman ko tungkol sa mafia, kahit wala akong masyadong naiintindihan, I already had a glimpse of how powerful their Pakhan is. With the way my dad was acting, and with the way he feared and respected the Pakhan , I knew that he was a dangerous man.

And because of that, because Serj already gave his approval, wala na akong magagawa. There will be consequences if I go against him. There will be consequences for our family… and for Devlin.

I almost laughed. Dad made sure na hindi talaga ako makakatanggi. He was using Devlin for that. He was using my love for him, which he hated so much.

Hindi ko na napigilan ang bahagyang matawa. I looked at my father. I made sure that he could see the hurt in my eyes.

“I hate you so much,” I almost whispered. “I wish that I wasn’t your daughter.”

He didn’t say anything. Nanatiling nakatitig lang sa ’kin si Dad. Walang kahit anong recognition sa mukha n’yang naapektuhan s’ya sa sinabi ko. He was looking at me as if I was just a stranger. Mabilis n’yang tinupad ang sinabi ko.

“I wish Mom was here,” umiiyak nang sabi ko. “Maybe she wouldn’t let you marry me off to someone I don’t even know. Maybe you wouldn’t be like this.” I sobbed. “I miss Mom so much.”

I noticed Dad’s jaw clenched. Mukhang mas lalong nagalit dahil binanggit ko ang tungkol kay Mommy. Pagkatapos ay tumalikod s’ya at muling tumanaw sa labas mula sa glass wall.

“The Pakhan and Vissarion will visit the day after tomorrow to talk about your engagement,” sabi n’yang nanatalili pa ring nakatalikod. But his tone was hard. “I expect you to be on your best behavior, Yelizaveta.”

He was dismissing me. He wasn’t giving me any chance to say anything by this dahil hindi n’ya rin naman pakikinggan. I have no right to disobey his words. He already gave me a warning, and all I could do was agree with what he wanted.

My lips were trembling. Parang gusto kong bumunghalit ng iyak doon na parang bata. But I knew that he wouldn’t hug me. He wouldn’t be like a father comforting his crying daughter. Kahit kanina pa ako lumuluha sa harapan n’ya pero wala man lang s’yang ipinakita na nagsasabing naapektuhan s’ya sa pag-iyak ko.

When Mom was here, I remembered that he was such a loving father. Na takot na takot na masaktan ako. He would comfort me even before I could cry.

Pero simula nang mamatay si Mommy. Nagbago s’ya. He was so overprotective na sa huli ay s’ya na ang nakakasakit sa ’kin. I was fine with that. I could understand that he wanted to make sure I was safe dahil wala s’yang nagawa nang mamatay si Mommy.

But now… I couldn’t understand him anymore. Napagod na rin akong unawain s’ya.

I turned my back against him. Marahas kong pinunasan ang mga luha ko bago dere-deretsong naglakad papunta sa pinto. But before I could even reach for the doorknob, a hand stopped me. Napatingin ako sa may-ari ng kamay na ’yon.

“Fix yourself first.” It was Rio. “You wouldn’t want your bodyguard to see you like that. You should be careful with your actions now, angioletto mio .”

That endearment sounded so sweet before pero hindi na ngayon. It sounded disgusting. I hated it so much.

I glared at him bago ko tinabig ang kamay n’yang nakahawak sa ’kin. I was mad at him as well. Pareho ng tindi ng galit na nararamdaman ko kay Daddy.

I felt so betrayed. I knew Rio knew about everything. Sa relasyon ko kay Devlin, and even about the engagement. Hindi ko alam kung paano pero sigurado akong alam n’ya ang lahat. He always had his way of knowing everything.

Yet he didn’t tell me anything.

I was so wrong when I thought na kakampi ko s’ya. He wasn’t on my side. Never had been on my side. He was just there to make sure that I would be a good daughter for my father.

Wala akong kakampi.

No… Si Devlin lang. Si Devlin lang ang kakampi ko.

I opened the door and immediately saw Devlin. Right where I left him. Parang hindi man lang umalis doon at naghintay kahit gaano pa katagal ang naging pag-uusap namin ni Daddy.

He kept his promise. I was right. He was the only one who had been on my side.

Nakita ko kaagad ang mariin n’yang titig sa ’kin nang lumabas ako. Then he frowned. Parang may hindi nagustuhan sa expression ko.

“What…” Agad s’yang lumapit sa ’kin at parang gustong hawakan ang mukha ko. “Who did this?”

Mabilis akong umiwas sa kanya bago pa n’ya ako mahawakan.

“It’s okay…” I said. My voice was almost trembling. “I’m just tired. I want to rest.”

I looked at Rio. Masama ang tingin na ibinigay ko sa kanya. Naabutan ko ang mariin n’yang titig sa ’kin bago sumulyap kay Devlin at bumuntong-hininga.

“I’ll let you rest, angioletto mio .”

I glared at him.

“Don’t ever call me that again.”

His lips twitched as if this just amused him more. Pagkatapos ay walang sinabing nagtaas ng dalawang kamay bago binalingan si Devlin.

“Take her to her room,” he said.

“No need to tell me that,” matigas ang tono ni Devlin. Parang galit but Rio just chuckled.

I sighed. Nagsimula na akong maglakad bago pa magtalo ang dalawa. I could feel Devlin following me behind. His presence while walking behind me became a feeling that was so familiar to me. It made me feel safe and protected.

I bit my lower lip when it started to tremble again. I wanted to cry in his arms. Gustong-gusto kong magsumbong sa kanya. But I couldn’t. I knew Dad would keep an eye on us starting now.

“Are you sure everything’s okay?” tanong sa ’kin ni Devlin nang nasa harap na ako ng room ko. “You know you can tell me everything, Yelizaveta.”

It took me every ounce of my strength to stop myself from crying. Ang bigat-bigat ng dibdib ko. Ang sakit-sakit. At alam kong mababawasan iyon the moment Devlin put his arms around me. Lalo pa at nakikita ko ang totoong pag-aalala sa mga mata n’ya.

Ah… I love those eyes. Especially when they’re showing his emotions.

But I couldn’t tell him everything… Nakakahiya. Isa pa, I was afraid that Devlin might do something na ikapahamak n’ya. Dad gave me a warning. Hindi dapat mapahamak si Devlin nang dahil sa ’kin.

So, instead of burying my face in his chest and feeling his comfort, I forced myself to smile and shake my head.

“Pagod lang talaga ’ko.”

He stared at me. Parang binabasa ang expression ko because he knew I was lying. He always knew what I was feeling. Hindi n’ya gustong nagsisinungaling ako sa kanya. Hindi n’ya gustong may itinatago ako sa kanya.

He would probably find out about my engagement. At mas ikakagalit n’ya siguro ’yon. Pero hindi ko talaga kayang ako mismo ang magsabi sa kanya. It felt degrading. It felt so humiliating.

“Alexeev.” Napatingin ako sa lalaking tumawag sa kanya. It was one of my father’s men. “Mr. Aslanov’s summoning you.”

I looked at Devlin. Nanatili lang ang mariin n’yang titig sa ’kin. Para pa ngang walang pakialam sa sinabi ng lalaki. Walang pakialam even if my father was calling for him.

I knew it. He had the courage to go against my father if it was for me. Mapapahamak s’ya nang dahil sa ’kin at hindi ko kayang mangyari ’yon.

I took a deep breath. I reached for his arm and caressed it intimately. Wala akong pakialam kung nakikita man ng lalaki iyon. I knew Dad would do something to separate us. And this might be my last chance to touch him.

With that thought in my mind, I reached for the back of his neck. Hinila ko ang ulo n’ya palapit sa ’kin at hinalikan s’ya sa mga labi.

I let myself feel the softness of his lips. I let myself memorize the warmth of his lips. Idinikit ko ang katawan ko sa kanya and Devlin put his hands on my waist and pulled me closer to him.

I almost cried when he claimed my lips in a possessive way and wrapped his arms around me. It felt good. He always felt so good. It was as if I had already found a place that was made perfectly for me. Doon sa kung saan hindi na ako masasaktan nang sobra-sobra.

When I pulled away, ramdam ko ang pag-iinit ng mga mata ko. I stared at those black orbs that were looking intently at me. Na para bang wala na s’yang ibang gustong makita kundi ako lang.

“Sige na…” I smiled at him. “Tawag ka na ni Dad. Magpapahinga na rin ako, Devlin.”

His eyes roamed around my face. Titig na titig pa rin s’ya sa ’kin. Ayaw akong pakawalan. So, I put my hands on his chest and lightly pushed him.

He sighed. Binigyan pa ulit ako ng mariing halik sa mga labi bago ako tuluyang pakawalan.

“I’ll come back to you, love, okay?” he said. “Wait for me.”

I nodded. Mabilis akong humiwalay sa kanya.

“Good night, Devlin.”

I quickly opened the door to my room and went inside. Mabilis ko ring isinarado iyon dahil hindi ko na kayang pigilan ang sarili ko.

So, as soon as I closed my eyes, I let my tears fall. I cried silently and let my heart break in silence.

Without anyone to comfort me. Without Devlin by my side this time.

Chapter 25

Devlin didn’t come back that night. Even the day after. I didn’t know where he was or what he was doing. I just stayed inside the room, hoping that he would knock, and when I opened the door, ang mukha ko kaagad ang mabubungaran n’ya.

Pero walang ganoong nangyari. I couldn’t ask anyone. I didn’t want to go outside my room. Iniisip ko kasing makakasalubong ko si Rio. Now that he was back in Russia again, alam kong magiging madalas na naman ang pagpunta n’ya here, especially since his brother was in the country as well. Even before pa naman. Palagi ’yang nalalagi rito sa bahay. I thought that it was because he was visiting me, but with what just happened the other day, I was sure that he had some business with Dad. Mas nauna n’ya pa ngang nalaman ang tungkol sa pagkakaroon ko ng arranged marriage.

And he didn’t tell me about it.

I really didn’t want to talk to anyone. Pakiramdam ko kasi, pinagkaisahan ako. I didn’t know who I could trust, so I really didn’t want to see anyone. My father’s men were only bringing meals to my room na halos hindi ko rin makain as it wasn’t good for my figure.

Kung si Devlin lang, alam na alam n’ya ang mga dapat kong kainin. He would scold me first for not eating properly as I was maintaining my figure pero sa huli ay ibibigay naman ang mga dapat sa ’kin.

I missed him. I wonder where he was. It got me worried that my dad fired him dahil ang huli kong alam ay pinatawag s’ya ni Daddy.

But then, I didn’t think that was the case. Dad wouldn’t get rid of the only thing that could get me to agree to that arranged marriage. He already gave me a hint that he’d do something to Devlin kapag hindi ako sumunod sa plano n’ya.

That was why I was again in the drawing room with men around me. I was the only woman in the room full of intimidating and terrifying men. But I wasn’t fazed. I was sitting on the long sofa on the right side of the Pakhan , who was sitting on the one-seater sofa sa may pinakapuno. My back was straight, and my face was void of emotion. Nakaupo si Dad malapit kay Serj habang ako ay nasa tabi n’ya.

On the other side of the sofa, sa harap namin, ay nakaupo ang isang lalaking pamilyar na sa ’kin. Beside him was a man wearing half-rim eyeglasses. He had his legs crossed and was drinking his tea too gracefully. He looked too refined for someone who was in the mafia and was into violence and cruelty.

I think I already had an idea of who he was.

I wish Devlin was here. Hindi ako sanay na wala s’ya sa tabi ko. I knew he wouldn’t leave me alone like this kaya sure akong may kinalaman si Dad kung bakit wala s’ya ngayon. Or maybe… it was the Pakhan himself.

“Yeliz.”

I almost flinched. I tried to hide and looked at Serj pero mukhang nahalata n’ya. He gave me an apologetic smile.

“Apologies. I didn’t mean to startle you. I only meant to get your attention as it seemed elsewhere.”

I could see in the corner of my eyes na napatingin sa ’kin si Dad. I didn’t bother to look at him, as I could already tell that he was giving me a warning to behave in front of his beloved Pakhan .

I forced myself to smile at Serj.

“It’s okay,” I said. “It’s my fault for thinking about something else when the Pakhan is here.”

“Yelizaveta.” There was a warning in Dad’s voice. He must’ve noticed my animosity toward the Pakhan , toward them all.

But Serj held out his hand, parang pinapatigil si Dad.

“I wouldn’t take it against you. It is only natural for people to think, especially a young woman with a vast imagination. I understand…”

I gritted my teeth. He said that in a polite tone but why did I feel like he was giving me a warning? It was as if he was telling me that he could let it slide the first time, as he understood pero wala nang susunod.

“Why… you’re too generous,” I said.

Serj chuckled.

“I know. By the way, this is my brother. I think you haven’t both properly introduced yet?”

I looked at the man beside him, who was already looking at me. Based on the smirk he had on his lips, alam kong namumukhaan n’ya rin ako.Maybe he already knew my name. But I already knew him kapag nakikita ko s’ya sa ilang mga fashion show ni Irina, to which I was invited, and sa mga rumors about them na naririnig ko.

“He’s Killian Romanov,” pakilala sa kanya ni Serj. “He’s the Sovietnik . My second-in command.” Binalingan n’ya ng kapatid. “Kill, this is Yelizaveta, the Aslanov’s princess.”

“It is nice to formally meet you,” Killian said na tumayo pa so he could offer his hand. Wala na rin akong nagawa kundi ang tumayo at tanggapin ang pakikipag-kamay n’ya.

“Same here.”

“She’s Irina’s favorite model,” Killian said to Serj nang makaupo na kami.

Serj looked at his brother. May ilang sandali s’yang hindi nagsalita. He had a bit of a frown on his forehead. Then he let out a sigh of resignation.

“I’ll just pretend that I asked about it.”

Killian let out a bark of laughter. ’Yung tawa n’ya, buong-buo.

“C’mon, boss… You know how much I miss her.”

“And you seem relaxed now that you know that she’s back.”

Napangisi si Killian sa kanya.

“You know me too well, boss.”

I was just listening to them. Pero nabuo na agad ang ideya sa isip ko. The rumors about Killian and Irina that I heard before were true. But I already had that feeling, as whenever I saw them before, they looked too… close. Irina was a private person; that’s why she didn’t tell anyone why she took a break from the industry.

So, she was back now…

“Yeliz.” Muli akong napalingon kay Serj nang tawagin n’ya ako. “I also want to introduce to you the man beside my brother. He’s Vissarion Sokolov, a brigadier. He’s the one that you will marry. I believe your father already told you about it.”

I pursed my lips. I wanted to say that it was a marriage; I didn’t agree, but I didn’t want to talk back to the Pakhan. Sigurado akong hindi iyon magugustuhan ni Dad. Plus, Serj was calm and polite right now, but I had a feeling that he could be dangerous if only he wanted to. Sa tingin ko ay s’ya ang pinakadelikadong tao sa loob ng kwartong ’to. Or maybe… he was the cruelest man I ever met.

Tumingin ako sa lalaking tinutukoy n’ya. Magkatapat ang mga inuupuan namin. The man was quiet ever since and was just drinking his tea. Pero ibinaba n’ya iyon nang banggitin na s’ya ni Serj at tumitig sa ’kin.

Through his glasses, I could see that he had light blue eyes, so light that they almost looked gray. Parang ipinagdamot ang kulay asul sa mga mata n’ya. Just like a sky fading its color.

“You can call me Vis if Vissarion is too mouthful for you,” he said as all the syllables in his name were pronounced. With the tongue rolling at ‘R’.

He outstretched his hand for a handshake. Wala akong nagawa kundi ang tanggapin iyon.

“I’m Yelizaveta. You can call me Yeliz.”

He shook my hand firmly pero hindi n’ya kaagad binitiwan iyon. He was staring intently at me, and it made me feel uncomfortable. Sinubukan kong bawiin iyon pero mas hinigpitan n’ya lang ang hawak sa kamay ko.

“I prefer Liz over Yeliz,” he said, still holding my hand. “I have a speech tempo of four syllables per second, so if I call you Liz instead, I could save a point twenty-five seconds every time. I figured I wouldn’t be saying your name as much once we get married, but I’ll give an example of calling your name four times a day. That will be seven seconds per week. And six minutes and five seconds a year.” He stared at me through the rim of his glasses. “Do you know how much I can do with that time?”

I blinked. Wala akong nainitindihan sa sinasabi n’ya kaya nakatitig lang ako sa kanya. Parang umiikot yata ang utak ko while I was trying to understand what he said, but… he talked so fast that I didn’t have time to analyze what he meant.

But then, he made a small smile and finally let go of my hand. Umayos s’ya ng upo. He was sitting in a dignified position that made me think he was also a reasonable man.

“But if you still prefer me to call Yeliz, then I will. I can do that much for my soon-to-be wife.”

I looked at my dad. He was giving me a look as if he was expecting me to say something smart as well. While Killian had an amused look in his eyes. Parang pinipigilan pa ngang tumawa, and Serj was just waiting for my reaction.

I hate to disappoint them but I am a model, not a linguist or mathematician.

“Nice meeting you.” It was all that I could think of. Isa pa, hindi ko nagustuhan ang huling sinabi n’ya. Pigil na pigil pa nga akong kontrahin iyon.

At least, I knew to myself that I didn’t want to let it happen. I didn’t want to be his wife. Iisang tao lang ang gugustuhin kong pakasalan.

But he was not here.

I almost laughed. Kung dati ay ayokong-ayokong binabantayan n’ya ako, but look at me now, I was missing his presence, hoping that he could protect me this time as well.

“Did your father also mention why this marriage alliance is being formed?” tanong ni Serj kaya napatingin ako sa kanya.

“No, Pakhan ,” sagot ni Dad bago pa ako makapagsalita. “I was hoping that you could explain it to her instead. This child would not understand the gravity of the situation if the explanation had come from me. She assumed I was merely doing it to hurt her.”

I bit my lower lip. I looked at my dad. Hindi ako makapaniwalang kahit iyon ay sinabi n’ya kay Serj as if the Pakhan would resolve the situation between us. Na para bang hawak ni Serj ang lahat ng sagot.

Tinitigan ako ni Serj. I looked back at him. Sigurado akong nakikita n’ya ang sakit sa mga mata ko.

“Alright…” he said with a sigh. “I will do as you wish.”

Yumukod pa si Dad kay Serj.

“Thank you, my Pakhan .” Tumingin pa s’ya sa ’kin. “Be grateful, Yelizaveta. The Pakhan does not engage in activities such as meeting those who form a marriage alliance. He’s either just giving his approval or refusing it, and that was it.”

So, he’s saying that I should be grateful for all of this?

Damn it. I hate this. I hate everything about the Bratva.

“Yeliz… this marriage alliance is formed to prevent the enemies from having additional strength… and for your safety,” Serj said. “I assumed they wanted to take you because they wanted to gain control of the Bratva as well. You see, your father holds a significant position in the organization.”

“That’s why they tried to kidnap me several years ago?” I asked with gritted teeth.

I could see a ghost smirk in Serj’s lips, as if he was amused na nakuha ko kaagad kung anong gusto n’yang sabihin.

“Yes. And I think this marriage between you and Sokolov could stop them from having that thought and from taking you,” he said. “They have been moving quietly, but I believe that they are preparing for a war. And your father simply did not want you to become involved in the war before it began.”

“Don’t you think that I’d be more involved if I got married to one of your men?” pigil ang galit kong tanong.

Serj shook his head. Parang siguradong-sigurado s’ya roon.

“No. You’ll be protected. And the enemy won’t have any thoughts of marrying you.”

“What if I’d just get married to anyone who’s not in the Bratva?”

The air felt cold after that. Napansin ko ang mabilis na paglingon sa ’kin ni Dad. There was a panic in his eyes before he looked at the Pakhan . Serj’s eyes turned serious and cold as they were blue, as if I was looking at the glacier and could even feel its coldness.

Alam ko na kaagad na may mali akong nasabi. Maybe it was something against their organization. Ramdam ko pa ang kaba ni Dad na inaabangan lang ang reaction ni Serj.

Serj took a deep breath. His jaw clenched. The look he gave me was something that told me why my dad seemed so afraid of him.

“You’ll even be vulnerable, Yeliz. Even more vulnerable than you are right now. As you won’t be protected by the Bratva. If you marry Sokolov, you can get a lot of protection.”

“Can’t you give me protection even if I marry anyone else?”

“Yelizaveta!” saway na sa ’kin ni Dad na rinig ko ang takot sa boses. He looked at Serj. “I deeply apologize, Pakhan . This child didn’t have any idea about what she was saying. It is my fault. I didn’t tell her everything about the Bratva.”

Serj looked at my dad. There was a danger in his eyes, and for a moment, I thought that he would hurt him.

“It is alright, Matvey. I only wish your daughter had been taught properly so she wouldn’t have such a foolish thought.”

“My deepest apologies,” sabi ni Dad na halos lumuhod pa sa harap ni Serj.“

“Yeliz.” Serj was looking at me this time. He was smiling, but it felt like he was giving me a warning. “If you don’t want to be killed and you want those you care about to be protected, you’ll agree to this marriage union.”

Ah… so this is why my father was so afraid of him. This is why he was the Pakhan . He knew how to threaten someone. He knew what to use against them to manipulate them into doing what he wanted.

And for me, he used Devlin and my father. Sa palagay ko ay may alam na rin s’ya tungkol sa amin ni Devlin. Maybe he was the reason why Devlin wasn’t beside me right now.

I bit my lower lip. Naramdaman kong nag-iinit ang mga mata ko. Naiiyak ako sa galit pero wala akong magawa. I felt so fucking helpless.

“I understand,” I said. I was trying so hard to keep my voice from trembling with so much emotion. “I suddenly don’t feel so well. I want to return to my room. If you’ll allow me,” I said, my last words full of sarcasm. Sa palagay ko kasi, lahat ng magiging kilos ko ay kailangan din ng approval n’ya.

Serj gave a satisfied smirk.

“Alright…” He looked at Vissarion. “Vis, take her to her room.”

I wanted to curse. I wanted to scream out of anger and grief pero nanatlili akong tahimik. Pigil na pigil ko ang sarili kong maiyak.

Hinayaan ko na lang si Vissarion na sumunod sa akin. He was quiet as he followed me behind. It was so uncomfortable that someone was following me who wasn’t Devlin.

Nang makarating kami sa room ko at binuksan ko ang pinto ay hindi pa rin umaalis si Vissarion. Matalim ko s’yang tiningnan.

“I won’t kiss you goodbye if that’s what you’re waiting for.” I almost spit the words at him.

Pero mukhang hindi man lang s’ya naapektuhan sa galit ko. He was calmly looking at me.

“Don’t take it against me, Yeliz,” he said. Kahit ang boses ay kalmado. “I am merely following the orders of the Pakhan.”

“Right.” I scoffed.

He took a deep breath.

“Then… please, rest well.”

Halos ibalibag ko ang pinto nang makapasok ako sa kwarto. I took my phone, hoping to get anything from Devlin. But the only chat I received was from Arty, who told me that Irina invited me to her next fashion show as her model. I didn’t bother replying to him at dumapa na sa kama, burying my face in the pillow as tears pooled in my eyes.

It was only an excuse pero parang sumama na talaga ang pakiramdam ko. I let myself cry, hoping that I would feel better after.

Devlin… you told me that you’d be back. Where the hell are you? I really need you right now.

Chapter 26

I accepted Irina’s invitation to be one of her models in her fashion show so I could at least take my mind off my engagement. I heard my dad was already planning the engagement party to inform people about the marriage alliance between the Sokolov and the Aslanov, especially to the enemies so they wouldn’t have any thought of using me against the Bratva again.

I didn’t want to do anything with it. I never cared about it kaya hinahayaan ko na lang si Dad. Alamko naman na kahit anong pigil at tanggi ang gawin ko, it won’t change anything. Dad had already made up his mind. There was nothing that could stop him, especially since this marriage alliance was approved by the Pakhan.

But it doesn’t mean that I wanted it to happen. Ayokong maikasal sa Vissarion na ’yon. But I didn’t know what to do. I felt so helpless. Tapios si Devlin… hindi ko pa rin alam kung nasaan na hanggang ngayon. I hadn’t seen him since that night, and he told me he would be back.

He never came back! I have been so alone since then. Devlin never broke his promise to me. Ngayon lang. And now that I was alone, I realized that Devlin was always by my side. Nasanay na ako sa presensya n’ya kaya ngayong wala s’ya sa tabi ko at hindi ko s’ya makita kahit anong paghahanap at paghihintay ang gawin, mas lalo kong naramdaman na wala akong kakampi ngayon.

Did something happen to him? He wouldn’t leave me alone for so long like this. Dati, kahit anong taboy ko sa kanya noon, hindi pa rin s’ya umaalis sa tabi ko and would constantly annoy me. But now that I was looking for me, he was nowhere to be found.

“Yeliz, dear…”

Napatingin ako kay Arty na inabutan ako ng cucumber smoothie. I said my thanks kahit wala akong ganang inumin iyon. Lately, kahit ang kumain ay wala akong gana. Kung hindi lang talaga kailangan ng katawan ko ay hindi ako kakain. I didn’t have the will or energy to do anything, and I always felt tired. But I figured that this fashion show was what I needed to take my mind off my problems.

“Are you okay?” Arty asked. Kanina pa yata nakakahalata sa nararamdaman ko.

I forced a smile at him. He sat beside me in the audience seat as my turn was already done. Today was just a dress rehearsal. Ipinasukat sa ’kin ni Irina ang damit and she matched some accessories. I did a quick practice walk just to see if there was a need to alter anything for my comfort.

“You don’t look okay,” sabi pa ni Arty nang ngitian ko lang s’ya.

“I’m fine…” I said. “I just don’t have the energy to move.”

“You should’ve told me. I could’ve asked Irina to let you just attend the final rehearsal instead.”

“It’s alright… I want to come here today. I have nothing to do anyway.”

Nakatitig pa rin si Arty. Halata ang pag-aalala sa mga mata n’ya. He might’ve had an idea why I was feeling this way and what the real reason was kung bakit tamad na tamad ako at parang pagod pa. But he was trying to dodge the topic. Parang nakakahalata ring hindi ko gustong pag-usapan iyon.

Of course, he would notice. I was his talent. Alagang-alaga n’ya ako. Mas s’ya pa nga ang nag-aalaga sa ’kin noon instead of my dad. He was always looking out for me. At first, I knew that he was just doing his job. He needed to make sure of my well-being. After all, ang appearance ko ang ibinebenta ko.

But as time went by, his concern became genuine. And Arty became more than just a manager to me.

Kaya alam kong gustong-gusto n’yang itanong kung bakit hindi ko na kasama si Devlin, and three bodyguards came with me instead. Arty might’ve noticed my relationship with Devlin too. Imposibleng hindi. Pero nananahimik lang s’ya dahil nakikita n’yang hindi naman nagiging problema iyon sa career ko.

“I think you should see a doctor,” Arty said. “Just to make sure that it’s not something we should be worried about.”

“There’s really no need, Arty. I’ll just take a lot of rest, and I’ll be okay.”

“Don’t be like that, dear…” Hinawakan pa ni Arty ang kamay ko. “You should always take care of yourself, and especially now since the fashion show is this weekend. If you like, I can accompany you. We can see a doctor right now. Irina said that we can leave as you have already completed your part.”

I took a deep breath. Gusto ko sanang tumanggi. Tinatamad kasi talaga ako. Inaantok pa. I just wanted to sleep, and I think magiging okay na naman ako paggising ko.

Or maybe… not. Baka maging ganito ako hanggang sa makita ko ulit si Devlin. Maybe he was my cure to feel the energy to do things again.

But I knew that Arty was right. I needed to see a doctor para lang masigurong wala akong sakit at hindi na lumalala pa kung sakali. Sa weekend na ang fashion show. I didn’t want to walk down the runway looking so sick, or worse, cancel at the last minute. I didn’t want to ruin things for Irina, especially since she just got back into the fashion industry again.

Kaya naman nagpaalam na rin kami kay Irina. The woman was kind enough to let us go and even apologized nang sabihin ni Arty na masama ang pakiramdam ko when she didn’t even have to. Napangiti na lang ako. Three years later, she hadn’t changed. She’s still kind and likeable.

Sinamahan nga ako ni Arty sa hospital para magpa-check-up sa doctor. I just told the doctor my symptoms at pinakuha ako ng ilan sa mga lab test, which I thought wasn’t really needed. Wala lang talaga akong ganang gawin ang mga bagay at sa palagay ko ay tulog lang ang kailangan ko.

But to stop Arty from worrying, sinunod ko na lang ang sinabi ng doctor. I think this was better as well para mabigyan ako ng right medication or vitamins.

Arty got a room for me while we were waiting for the lab test result. Mahirap na at baka may makakita sa ’kin at kung ano pang lumabas na balita. Mas mabuti nang maging careful instead of ruining things because of rumors that would affect Irina’s fashion show.

“You know I’m not just your manager, right, Yeliz?” sabi ni Arty habang naghihintay kami. “So, if you want to have someone to talk to, I’m always here.”

I smiled at him, feeling grateful. I already knew that. I knew that I trusted the right person when I entered the modeling industry. He made things easy for me. He made me like my job. He has given me so much advice about modeling. He had so much patience with me kahit na alam kong may mga times na naging pasaway ako.

“I know…” I said. “That’s why I’ll forever be grateful to you, Arty. Thank you for introducing this industry to me.”

He smiled. Kinuha n’ya ang kamay ko at pinisil iyon.

“I care about you as if you’re my own child or sister, and I only want the best for you. So, always remember that I’m just here for you, okay?”

I nodded. Hinawakan ko rin ang kamay n’ya at pinisil iyon.

“Thank you, Arty.”

Halos isang oras din kaming naghintay bago dumating ang doctor, who was holding some papers. I knew that she recognized me kaya pinabilis n’ya na rin ang result ng lab tests at s’ya pa mismo ang kumuha noon. She was smiling a bit when she entered the room. A professional smile, so I kind of expected na maganda ang result ng mga lab test ko.

“Is there anything wrong with her, doc?” deretsong tanong na ni Arty na parang hindi na nakatiis.

The doctor looked at him and shook her head. The professional smile was still plastered on her lips.

“No. In fact, Miss Aslanova is perfectly healthy,” she said.

“Then, why do I always feel tired and sleepy lately?” I asked.

“It’s because of your condition, Miss Aslanova.” So, was there something wrong with me? Akala ko ba wala? “When was the last day of your last period?”

Si Arty ay napasinghap. Nang tingnan ko s’ya ay nanlalaki ang mga matang nakatingin sa doctor at nakatakip pa ang dalawang mga kamay sa bibig. While I frowned, trying to remember the last day ng period ko.

I helplessly shook my head. Hindi ko na kasi matandaan sa lahat ng mga nangyari. And I also have an irregular cycle na wala namang negative effect sa ’kin.

“I can’t remember,” sagot ko na lang.

“Well, this is the result of your lab tests.” Ibinigay n’ya sa ’kin ang papel at kinuha ko naman. Then, she smiled at me. “Congratulations, Miss Aslanova. You are ten weeks pregnant.”

My eyes widened. Si Arty ay napatingin din sa ’kin, eyes almost bulging out of the sockets. But I could understand, as I had the same expression as him. My lips even parted as I stared at the doctor, wondering if she was making a joke or not.

But I knew that professionals wouldn’t make a joke like that, especially to me when my career was on the line. Kaya pala ganoon ang itsura ng doctor kaninang pagpasok ng roon as she wasn’t sure if this was good news to me or not.

Ten weeks… Ten weeks, and yet I didn’t know. Kung hindi pa ako niyaya ni Arty na magpa-check-up ngayon ay hindi ko pa malalaman. I would just think na kulang lang ako sa pahinga at tulog.

What the hell…?

I should’ve expected this. I mean, maraming beses na hindi kami gumamit ng protection ni Devlin, as we both wanted to do it bare. I wanted to feel him directly, as he was to me too. Mas nag-e-enjoy kami nang ganoon.

Still, this news was a surprise to me. It was unexpected. I… wasn’t ready for something like this.

May iba pang sinabi ang doctor, and I caught something na mild lang ang pregnancy symptoms ko but it could get worse lalo na at nasa first trimester pa lang ako. Si Arty na ang nakikipag-usap sa doctor dahil tulala pa rin ako. My mind was still in chaos, and I was having a hard time grasping the situation.

Why now? Bakit ngayon pa kung kailan wala si Devlin? What should I do? Oh, my god, I don’t know what to do.

I need Devlin… Shit.

Nasaan na ba kasi s’ya? Bakit iniwan n’ya ako? At ngayon pa talaga kung kailan sunod-sunod ang naging problema ko. I thought he’d always be with me. Ang akala ko ay palagi n’ya akong dadamay but where is he right now that I need him the most?

Namalayan ko na lang na hinawakan ni Arty ang mukha ko, trying to wipe something. Nang tingnan ko ang kamay n’ya, it was then that I realized that I was already crying. Niyakap ako ni Arty at umiyak ako sa mga balikat n’ya.

It was supposed to be Devlin who should be hugging me right now. S’ya dapat ang nagco-comfort sa ’kin at hindi ibang tao. And this was supposed to be good news kung kasama ko lang s’ya ngayon at hindi ’yung wala man lang akong idea kung nasaan s’ya.

“It’s Devlin, right?” sabi ni Arty habang marahang hinahaplos ang likod ko.

I nodded. Alam kong tanong n’ya na iyon para sa lahat. He knew that it was also because of Devlin that I looked sad. I was right. Nakahalata nga s’ya sa naging relasyon namin ni Devlin.

“You knew,” I sobbed. “But you didn’t do anything to stop us.”

I felt him take a deep breath.

“Because you look happy, Yeliz, and you also began to look genuinely happy with your job.” Bahagya n’ya akong hiniwalay sa kanya para titigan. “But you know that this is going to take a toll on your career, right?”

I bit my lower lip. Alam ko ’yon kaya mas lalo pa akong naiyak. The only thing I could think of that could distract me from my problems, mawawala rin yata iyon.

I didn’t like my job at first. I hated pretending to be kind. I hated faking a smile in front of the camera. But I learned to love it as time went by. Lalo pa nang maging dahilan iyon para mas lagi kaming magkasama ni Devlin when we were trying to hide our relationship.

No… Bakit parang isa-isang kinukuha ang lahat sa ’kin?

I was crying so much that Arty said it was better for me to go home and rest. Na kalimutan na lang muna ang lahat at matulog na lang so I could think clearly after. Pero hindi iyon ang nangyari nang makauwi ako at nagkulong sa kwarto ko.

I cried so hard that I was sobbing so much. Hindi ko sinagot ang mga kumakatok sa kwarto ko na mga tauhan ni Dad, asking if I wanted to eat or if there was something I needed. Alam kong hindi rin naman nila maibibigay iyon.

What I want is Devlin. What I need is Devlin.

Shit… I didn’t know what to do now. I was ten weeks pregnant. Magkakaanak kami ni Devlin. This was supposed to be good news. Pero mas lalo lang akong nalulungkot. I feel so alone right now. Para kasing nag-iwan na sa ’kin si Devlin ng alaala dahil mawawala na s’ya sa ’kin.

As if he wouldn’t come back to me anymore.

What would happen now? Ano nang gagawin ko? What if Dad found out about this? Mas lalo s’yang magagalit. What if he asked me to get rid of this child? Especially since I was to be married to something.

No… he wouldn’t do that. This child is an Aslanov. My child. Hindi naman siguro ganoong kasama si Daddy.

Natigilan ako. Maybe… this was an opportunity. Maybe he wouldn’t let me marry Vissarion now that I’m pregnant with Devlin’s child.

Vis too. I don’t think he’s someone who would marry a woman who’s pregnant with another man’s child, especially if that woman didn’t even want to marry him as well.

And the Pakhan . I don’t have any idea about Bratva’s law, but I think children are important to them as they will carry their bloodline. That was why my father was so set to marry me to Vissarion.

I should tell my father. This… might change everything. I would do anything para lang hindi ako maikasal sa kahit sino maliban kay Devlin.

With that thought, dere-deretso akong lumabas ng kwarto. I saw Rio’s car earlier kaya alam kong kausap na naman n’ya si Dad. Hindi na ako kumatok sa pinto ng study ni Dad at basta na lang pumasok. Nakita kong nasa gitna sila ng pag-uusap ni Rio.

“Yelizaveta!” my dad exclaimed when I suddenly burst inside the room. “I see you’re lacking some manners now. Is that what that bastard taught you?”

Bastard… He was talking about Devlin.

“I have something to tell you,” deretso ang mga matang sabi ko kay Dad.

He took a deep breath.

“I am in the midst of a discussion with Don Rossetti, Yelizaveta,” mariing sabi sa ’kin ni Dad na para bang hindi ko pa nakikita iyon. “We’ll talk later.”

Hindi na n’ya ako pinansin pagkatapos noon. Si Rio ay saglit lang akong sinulyapan at muling nakipag-usap kay Dad.

I clenched my fist. I was so mad. So, hindi n’ya talaga ako papansin? After he treated as if isang bagay lang akong pwede n’yang ipakasal sa iba because the Bratva had enemies?

I gritted my teeth. Hindi ko na mapigilan ang galit sa dibdib ko.

“I’m pregnant.”

Parehong natigilan ang dalawang lalaki at napatingin sa ’kin. So, that got their attention, huh?

“What did you say?” Dad’s voice was on the edge.

“I’m pregnant,” ulit ko pang hindi inaalis ang pagkakatitig sa mga mata ni Dad. “And Devlin’s the father.”

There was a sudden chill in the air. Nakaramdam din ako ng panganib. Pero hindi ko pinansin. Everything is ruined now anyway. Ito na lang ang pag-asa ko para hindi matuloy ang kasal ko kay Vissarion.

I even thought of running away. But Dad had enemies, and I didn’t have Devlin. I was afraid that something might happen to me. At hindi ko na pwedeng gawin iyon now that I was pregnant. I didn’t want anything to happen sa magiging anak namin ni Devlin.

This is the only way I could think of para makasama ko ulit si Devlin. Maybe… Dad would think twice now.

Hindi ko inaasahan ang mabilis na pagtayo ni Dad at paglapit sa ’kin. He raised his hand, and the next thing I knew, dumapo sa pisngi ko ang palad n’ya. He slapped me so hard that I stumbled on the floor, and I tasted blood inside my mouth.

Nanlalaki ang mga matang napatingala ako kay Dad na nakatingin sa ’kin. He was looking at me, fury was in his eyes. Hindi ko inaakalang magagawa n’ya akong pagbuhatan ng kamay.

He raised his hand again and I flinched as I closed my eyes. He would do it again. Nakita ko sa mga mata n’yang hindi n’ya kayang pigilan ang galit n’ya.

“Mr. Aslanov,” I heard Rio’s cold voice. “Stop.”

Naramdaman ko ang paglapit sa ’kin ni Rio. He held my arms gently and helped me stand up. Napatingin ako sa kanya pero kalamigan lang ang nakikita ko sa mga mata n’ya. Nang tingnan ko si Dad ay ibinaba n’ya na ang kamay but he was breathing so hard, trying to contain his anger. I even noticed his hands were trembling.

“The Pakhan won’t accept this abomination, Don Rossetti,” Dad said. Rinig ko ang takot sa boses n’ya.

Hindi makapaniwalang napatingin ako kay Dad. My tears welled up.

So, this was still about the Pakhan ?

“Abomination? You’re calling my child an abomination?” Naramdaman ko ang pagtulo ng mga luha ko. “This child is an Aslanov, Dad!”

“But it has the traitor’s blood!” His voice thundered.

I stilled. Napatingin ako kay Rio pero tahimik lang s’ya sa tabi ko.

“Traitor?”

I noticed Dad’s jaw clenched. Galit na galit s’yang tumingin sa ’kin.

“Yes, Yelizaveta! The Alexeev family betrayed the Bratva! They were the reason why your mother died!”

Chapter 27

My father’s words surprised me in a lot of ways. He never mentioned about my mother’s death ever since. He didn’t even tell me the reason why she died. Parang iniiwasan n’yang mapag-usapan ang tungkol sa bagay na ’yon. I thought at first that I was young and maybe he thought that I wouldn’t understand everything. Pero kahit nang lumaki ako ay ganoon pa rin. I just waited for the time when he’d tell me everything that happened.

I wasn’t expecting that now was the time.

And what did he say? The Alexeev family was the reason why my mother died? Devlin’s family?

“What… what are you talking about?” I asked. My cheek stung from his slap pero halos hindi ko na maramdaman iyon. Mas importante sa ’kin ang marinig ang mga sasabihan n’ya.

“I should leave,” Rio said. “This is a conversation I shouldn’t hear.”

Dahan-dahan n’yang binitiwan ang braso ko. I didn’t even notice that he was still holding me, as if he was making sure that I would be able to stand on my own bago n’ya ako bitiwan.

“You don’t have to, Don Rossetti,” sabi pa ni Dad nang akmang aalis na si Rio. “We’re still having our meeting—”

“Mr. Aslanov, I think it’s about damn time you tell everything to your daughter.”

Rio’s eyes looked so serious. Kaya rin siguro natigilan si Dad. It was that kind of expression I hadn’t seen in him yet, all business-like yet still emitting a dangerous aura. Na para bang sinasabing gawin agad ang sinabi n’ya or there will be consequences.

Right then, I finally understood. I finally saw the real Vittorio Rossetti. Those times when he was with me, hindi ang totoong s’ya ang ipinapakita n’ya sa ’kin noon.

He fooled me. I couldn’t believe that I even admired this man once.

“Alright…” rinig kong sabi ni Daddy.

Rio gave a satisfied nod to him before he looked at me.

“I’ll just be outside.”

I glared at him before I looked away. I didn’t need him. No matter what Dad would say that might hurt me, hinding-hindi ko s’ya tatawagin. I don’t trust him anymore. Isa pa, hindi s’ya ang kailangan ko.

Nang makaalis si Rio ay parang pagod na pagod na naupo si Dad. I realized that he still didn’t want to tell me anything. The words just slipped from his mouth earlier dahil sa sobrang galit sa ’kin.

But I wouldn’t waste this chance. Not after what I heard from him. I’ll make him tell everything to me.

“Tell me everything that, Dad,” I said. Nanatili lang akong nakatayo. “Tell me the reason why Mom died.”

Dad closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He massaged the space between his eyes with his fingers. Nang dumilat ay deretso ang tingin sa ’kin and I saw the exhaustion and pain that he had been hiding for so many years now. It was as if I saw again how he looked the night that Mom died, iyong nakita ko s’ya sa mismong kwartong ’to, crying in the dark.

I just realized that he was still hurting, and maybe that was why he still couldn’t talk to me about Mom.

“Anton Alexeev was one of the brigadiers under my supervision in the support group that is led by the Sovietnik in the Bratva.”

Killian Romanov. He’s also Serj’s brother. That’s why he’s also the most trusted advisor of the Pakhan and his second-in-command.

“I know…” I said. “Devlin told me the gist of the Bratva’s structure.”

As soon as I mentioned Devlin’s name, I noticed Dad’s jaw was clenched. Nakitaan ko rin ng galit ang mga mata n’ya. I figured that I shouldn’t have interfered, but I had a feeling that he would explain to me thoroughly everything about the Bratva.

It wasn’t the time for that. Sa ngayon, mas importante sa ’king malaman ang nangyari kay Mommy and why he said that the Alexeevs were the reason why she died.

“There are four brigadiers running criminal activity in the working unit of the Bratva. They run a brigade that consists of six Boyeviks and Shestyorkas . They have the tendency to become powerful, so the Two Spies, the Sovietnik and Obshchak , are watching over them to ensure their loyalty to the Pakhan .” Dad locked his eyes on mine. “I need to explain this to you, Yelizaveta, you will understand why and how everything happened. I don’t want to leave any questions in your mind.”

I nodded. He motioned the seat on his right kaya umupo ako roon. He would finally tell me everything. Masasagot na ang lahat ng mga tanong ko.

“The Boyeviks are in charge of finding new guys and paying tribute to the brigadiers. They are also the main strike force of a brigade. They employed Kryshas , who are the violent enforcers, to protect the business from the enemies. Besides the Kryshas , they also employed the Torpedo, which has the role of a contract killer, and the Byki , which are their bodyguards.” He had a serious look in his eyes. “Do you now understand how many men are working under the Brigadier?”

I nodded. Unti-unting namumuo ang kaba sa dibdib ko.

“The Boyeviks and the men under them, and also the Shestyorkas .”

Dad had a faint smile on his lips. It was as if he was proud that I could easily grasp what he was explaining.

“Anton Alexeev used his power as a brigadier. He betrayed the Bratva and sold information to the enemies.”

Ilang sandali akong hindi nakapagsalita.

“Why did he… do that?”

Dad shook his head.

“I don’t know, Yelizaveta. Maybe he thought that the Bratva was bound to fall into the hands of the enemies. It was at this time that the present Pakhan was struggling to establish his authority, as many questioned his legitimacy for the title due to his mother. And Alexeev used that to persuade his men to oppose the Bratva.”

“But they found out what he did, right?”

“Yes… but his betrayal resulted in your mother’s death, Yeliz. He told the enemies where we were, and they ambushed us. The bodyguards that came with us were overpowered by the number of enemies that came to kill me.”

Napasinghap ako.

“Kill… you?”

“But it was your mother who died. I would barely have escaped if it wasn’t for her. She… sacrificed herself for me.”

Rinig ko ang panginginig ng boses ni Dad. I could even see the tears that he was trying to hold in. It was obvious that he was hurting just by telling this to me.

I bit my lower lip. I couldn’t help but feel hurt just by looking at him and hearing his stories. Now I understand why he couldn’t tell me this because it was too painful for him. And he knew that I would be hurt too.

I didn’t know. Kaya pala… That was why he looked so wrecked that night. He looked so guilty. He was blaming himself for not protecting Mom.

I didn’t have many memories of my mother. I was too young. But I could still remember the warmth of her embrace and her smile when she looked at me na para bang ako ang pinakaimportante sa kanya.

Napahikbi ako. I knew how much dad loved my mother. Na-display pa rin sa desk n’ya ang picture ni Mom. At kapag pumapasok ako sa study n’ya, kung minsan ay naaabutan ko pa s’yang nakatitig sa picture na ’yon.

“Dad…”

Oh, my god… I didn’t have any idea that he was hurting so much.

He cleared his throat. Ilang sandali s’yang mariing pumikit. When he opened his eyes, I saw them reddened because of unshed tears.

“When the Pakhan found out about it, he ordered the execution of everyone involved in the treason. And for the Alexeev family to be annihilated.”

I gasped.

“What…?”

“It was also his way to show everyone his power, and no one should ever question his authority again, or else they would suffer the same fate.”

The Alexeev family were… annihilated? I remembered that Devlin told me his parents were already dead. Is that the reason?

But… what about Devlin?

“Do you now understand what grave mistake you made, Yelizaveta?” Nandoon na naman ang galit sa mga mata n’ya. “The Pakhan won’t forgive us because of this!”

“Wait a minute, Dad,” pigil ko kahit gustong-gusto ko na namang magalit sa sinabi n’ya. “You told me that the Alexeevs were annihilated. Then what about Devlin? How did he survive?”

“This is still about that bastard?” Mas lalong lumala ang galit sa mga mata n’ya. And for a moment, I thought that he would slap me again.

“I need to understand, Dad! You have to tell me everything!”

“Yelizaveta!” He slammed his fist on the coffee table, which cracked.

“Dad!”

“That bastard tried to kill the Pakhan !”

My eyes widened.

“What?”

“That bastard thought that what the Pakhan did to his parents was unjust, so he tried to kill him!” Dad’s eyes looked murderous. “But Ozerov, the Bratva’s executioner, was with the Pakhan and protected him against that bastard. He inflicted injuries on him that almost killed him.”

Ozerov… Nikolaj? I tried to remember the last time I saw him. He teased Devlin and tapped his chest. And Devlin looked so pissed as he shoved his hand away.

Don’t tell me… the scar on Devlin’s chest… Si Nikolaj ang may gawa noon?

“If Devlin tried to kill Serj… why did he spare him?” I asked. With Devlin’s father’s betrayal and trying to kill him, I’m sure Serj wouldn’t let that go easily.

“Our Pakhan is generous, Yelizaveta. Unless you do something against him, he will try to understand everything and be just about it.”

“Then what happened to Devlin?”

“The Pakhan found out that Alexeev didn’t have any idea about what his father did. After Alexeev attacked him, he told him why he killed his parents. It was then that Alexeev asked the Pakhan to kill him as well.”

Maingay ang naging pagsinghap ko. Devlin asked to be killed?

“But the Pakhan spared him, Yelizaveta. He showed Alexeev mercy that the bastard didn’t deserve. The Pakhan believed that the children shouldn’t be the ones to suffer from adults’ mistakes and sins. So, he let him live with a warning that if Alexeev made a mistake, then there wouldn’t be any second chance for him.”

I covered my mouth with my hands. The information was too much for me. It was making me hard to think. Nahihirapan ang isip kong i-digest ang lahat ng sinabi ni Dad.

Mom’s death, Devlin’s father’s betrayal, and his past… Hindi ko alam kung anong unang iisipain o.

I was mad at Anton Alexeev. If he hadn’t betrayed the Bratva, maybe Mom was still alive. Maybe I would be able to understand Dad better. At hindi ako magkakaroon ng sama ng loob sa kanya.

I could understand why Dad was mad at Devlin. His father was the reason my mother died. Dad witnessed how my mom died. He might be blaming himself for what happened. Siguro, iniisip n’ya rin na dapat s’ya ang namatay nang gabing iyon. He was angry at himself as well as at the person who caused my mother’s death.

His hatred deepened as time went by. And because Anton Alexeev was already dead, that anger was directed at his son, Devlin. Alam kong hindi ko na masusukat kung gaano kalalim ang galit n’ya. I was even amazed that he didn’t do anything to Devlin.

I thought there wasn’t any deep reason for his anger. Ang akala ko, galit lang s’ya kay Devlin because he was overprotective of me and thought that Devlin wasn’t doing a good job of protecting me. Lalo na noong minsang napahamak ako. Alam kong mas lumalimang galit n’ya kay Devlin noon.

But… I could finally understand him now. And… I could understand why he was so against our relationship.

I wonder… if I knew all about this from the start, may magbabago ba? Would I… stay away from Devlin? ’Yung inis ko ba sa kanya noon, iba na ang magiging rason knowing that his father was the reason my mom died?

“Then why did you hire Devlin to be my bodyguard?”

I knew it was hard for him to see Devlin. It was hard for him to see that he was still alive. I bet whenever he sees Devlin, his rage gets deeper, and he might even want to kill him. Kaya hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit si Devlin pa ang binigay n’ya sa ’king bodyguard.

Isn’t he worried that Devlin might do the same?

I felt a pang in my chest as soon as I thought of that. It hurt just thinking about it. I felt like I was being unfair to Devlin. Wala s’ya rito, I hadn’t even heard his explanation pero pinag-iisipan ko na kaagad s’ya ng ganoon.

And… I couldn’t stop the hatred that was budding inside my chest. Hindi ko alam kung dahil lang ba sa ama n’ya or… with him too.

Thinking about it, maybe Serj was really generous. He deemed Devlin innocent even when he tried to kill him. He understood why Devlin did that and even gave him a second chance.

If… I hadn’t fallen in love with Devlin, would I be able to think the same way too? Would I be thinking that I should hear him out first?

I felt so conflicted… I didn’t know what to think.

“It wasn’t me,” Dad said. “It was Pakhan’s order.”

I stared at him, dumbfounded.

“What…?”

“It is Alexeev’s punishment to guard the daughter of the woman who died because his father betrayed the Bratva.”

I… am Devlin’s punishment?

“Don Rossetti made a deal with the Pakhan ,” Dad continued. “I had no idea how, but the Cosa Nostra was also involved in some way. Only the two of them know the reason.”

Come to think of it… Rio was the one who introduced Devlin to me. May naalala rin akong sinabi n’yang Devlin only had this job of guarding me because of him.

“I could only tell you this much, Yelizaveta. But I hope you finally see where I’m coming from, and that what you did may be regarded as a betrayal against Bratva. I hope you understand why I couldn’t accept that child.”

I bit my lower lip. I wanted to tell him that my child is still an Aslanov. That he has his blood too, as I am his daughter. Pero alam kong wala ring silbi iyon. He wouldn’t understand it. He couldn’t. Because he was hurt too much and the pain was already blinding him.

Kahit din naman ako. Pain and hatred were growing in my chest. I didn’t know what to actually feel. My emotions were in turmoil. I couldn’t think rationally. Parang gusto ko na lang bumunghalit ng iyak at hilingin na matapos na ang lahat ng ’to o hindi kaya ay isang masamang panaginip lang.

Dad dismissed me, maybe he knew that I needed to think after everything he told me. He even told me to rest. Siguro, kinokonsidera rin n’ya ang kalagayan ko.

Rio was right outside my father’s study. He was clearly waiting for me. Pero nang hindi ko s’ya pinansin at nagsimula nang maglakad papunta ng kwarto ko, tahimik lang s’yang sumunod.

Maybe I needed to rest. Ang dami nangyari ngayong araw. Ang dami kong nalaman. I needed to sort out my feelings first. And most of all, I needed to talk to Devlin.

I needed to hear his side before thinking of anything against him. And… he must know about us having a baby. Wala naman akong planong ilihim sa kanya ang tungkol dito.

Would he be happy when he found out about it? Or… not? What did he feel when he was with me? I was his punishment. Guarding me was supposed to cause his suffering. Nasasaktan ba s’ya sa tuwing nakikita ako? Do I remind him of his parents’ deaths and betrayals? Did he… ever think of killing me and betraying the Bratva too?

Tahimik pa rin si Rio hanggang sa makapasok na ako sa loob ng kwarto ko. I realized that he was making sure I wouldn’t go out, maybe he was thinking I would run to see Devlin after everything I learned.

“Rio.” Papaalis na sana s’ya nang tawagin ko. Tumingin lang s’ya sa ’kin. “What’s your deal with the Pakhan? Why did you assign Devlin as my bodyguard?”

Ilang sandali s’yang tumitig sa ’kin bago ngumiti. It was the usual smile that he was giving me. But now I realize how fake it was. It was disgusting.

“My lips are sealed, angioletto mio .”

“I told you not to call me that,” I said through gritted teeth.

“Then… Yelizaveta.”

I glared at him. I didn’t even want to hear my name on his lips.

“Didn’t you ever think that what you did might harm me? What are you even planning?”

He chuckled. Pakiramdam ko, hindi ko na kilala ang taong nasa harap ko.

“I just made a gamble,” he said so casually.

“What’s at stake?”

His smile widened. Halos kilabutan ako sa ngiting n’yang ’yon. Ibang-iba sa pakiramdam noon tuwing nakikita ko ang mga ngiti n’ya.

“I’m sure you know the answer, Yelizaveta.”

I gritted my teeth so hard that it hurt. I balled my fist. I glared at him. I knew he could see the anger in my eyes.

“You’re fucking sick in the head.”

He didn’t say anything and just smiled. Maya-maya ay itinaas n’ya ang isang kamay. He raised his pointer finger and hovered it against his lips.

“Keep it a secret, alright?” He then winked at me.

Nakaalis na s’ya pero hindi pa rin humuhupa ang galit sa dibdib ko. My chest was heaving up and down as I tried to take deep breaths. Galit na galit ako at halos maiyak pa. I even felt tears roll down my eyes.

Fucking sicko. He’s the fucking worst.

He made a gamble. And it was my life that was at stake.

I shouldn’t have trusted him. I shouldn’t have admired him. Vittorio Rossetti was a fucking heartless man.

My phone beeped that it was on the bed kaya napatingin ako roon. Hindi pa rin ako kumakalma nang kunin ko iyon and I saw that I received a text from an unregistered number. I opened it and read the message.

I’ll see you at the fashion show.

Kahit hindi naka-register ang number, I knew that it was from Devlin. He used a different number. Maybe he thought that they were tracking his messages.

I knew now that he wasn’t allowed to see me again after everything. Hindi na ulit s’ya hahayaan ni Dad na makalapit sa ’kin lalo pa at nalaman n’yang buntis ako. I wasn’t sure how Devlin would approach me at the fashion show, but… it was nice to know that he wanted to see me.

I took a deep breath and lay down on the bed. I didn’t type a reply for Devlin and just closed my eyes. Hindi ko rin naman alam kung anong sasabihin ko sa kanya.

We really need to talk so that I will know what to do. Sa ngayon, hindi ko kasi alam kung anong dapat kong isipin. I didn’t know what was right to do.

Chapter 28

The day of the fashion show came, and I was more excited to see Devlin again than to walk down the runway. Well, I guess I had been doing this job for almost half of my life, while it was the first time Devlin had been away from me this long. I was excited to meet him. I longed to touch him again. I wanted to see his face and get enveloped in his arms again.

I miss him so damn much.

All the models were in the backstage area, and we were all waiting for our cue as the show started. Irina’s assistants were making sure that there was nothing wrong with our wardrobe or appearance. They were instructing us, and I was just doing what they were saying. Isa pa, my mind was elsewhere.

I kept on looking around. I was looking for Devlin. Gusto kong sumilip sa audience just to check if he was there, but I couldn’t do that. The show had already started. And he was still nowhere to be found.

Devlin was all in my mind when I went out of the stage and walked down the runway. Gusto kong igala ang mga mata ko para hanapin s’ya but I had to maintain my expression. Ako pa naman ang pinakahuli kaya mas naka-focus sa ’kin ang lahat. I didn’t want to ruin the show.

But… I could feel him. He was here, staring at me. Ramdam ko ang pamilyar na pakiramdam na ’yon sa tuwing nakatitig s’ya sa ’kin. It was a feeling I hadn’t felt for a while, and it was making me emotional. Pero pinilit kong hindi magbago ang expression sa mukha ko.

Later. I could see him later. May after-party pa at alam kong magpapakita na sa ’kin si Devlin doon. Maybe he just didn’t want me distracted, as I still had to do my job.

The show was a huge success, and everybody was congratulating Irina. I planned to congratulate her later dahil hindi rin naman ako makakalapit sa kanya as a lot was trying to talk to her. Sa akin din naman pero hindi ko pinapatagal ang usapan. I wanted to look for Devlin. I knew that he was here.

The bodyguards that Dad assigned me were all around the venue, keeping an eye on me and anyone who might be a threat to me. I even saw Serj and Killian. Kaya kinakabahan akong baka hindi nila ako hayaang makalapit kay Devlin.

Shit, Devlin… where the hell are you?

“Yelizaveta.”

Even before I turned to see who called my name, kilala ko na agad kung sino iyon. Hinding-hindi ko ipagkakamali sa kahit na ano ang boses na ’yon, especially that my heart skipped a bit as soon as I heard that deep, baritone voice.

It felt as if it had been years since the last time I saw him. Devlin was now standing in front of me, looking as intimidating and gorgeous as ever. He was wearing a black three-piece suit, just like the first time I’d seen him, like a devil that was going to take my soul to hell with him, and I would gladly let him take me.

God… I’ve missed him so much.

Pinigilan ko ang maiyak but I was having a hard time. I shouldn’t be emotional, especially since there were people around pero hirap akong kontrolin ang emosyon ko. Maybe because the life inside me was feeling the same.

“Devlin…” I had to clear my throat as my voice croaked. “How long have you been here?”

He wasn’t showing emotions on his face. I was used to it, but… maybe I’ve become unreasonable because of my pregnancy. I wanted him to show how much he missed me. I wanted him to give me a hint that he was happy to see me as well.

“Before the show started,” sabi n’yang hindi inaalis ang tingin sa ’kin.

I knew it… I felt his gaze earlier.

“Sana kanina mo pa ko nilapitan.”

He didn’t say anything and just stared at me. I mean… I knew he wasn’t really talkative, especially when there were people around. Pero kapag kaming dalawa ay madalas nagkukwento s’ya at sinasagot ang lahat ng mga tanong ko. So, I was really trying to understand why he seemed as if he didn’t want to say anything right now.

I saw his gaze shift somewhere inside the room. Sinundan ko ang tinitingnan n’ya he seemed to be looking at a petite woman who was standing alone in front of a cocktail table. I couldn’t recognize who the woman was. But she had ginger, chest-length wavy hair, which looked natural as she had pale skin. And even from a distance, I could see freckles on her face and shoulders, as she was wearing a black tube top and pants.

She looked… beautiful. She seemed to be looking at Devlin as well. Itinaas pa ang wine glass na hawak as if she was recognizing his presence.

Who was she? Magkakilala ba sila ni Devlin? Bakit ngayon ko lang nakita ang babae? He never told me anything about her.

I looked back at Devlin, and he was still staring back at the woman. There was a tightening inside my chest, which was so painful. Parang bigla ay gusto kong maiyak dahil hindi maalis ang tingin ni Devlin sa babae.

“Devlin… can we talk later?” I asked, trying to get his attention. “There’s something I need to let you know.”

“Can’t you tell it to me now?”

He was still looking at the woman. I had to bite my lower lip to divert the pain in my chest pero mas lalo lang lumalala ang sakit doon.

What’s this? Why does it seem like he didn’t even miss me? Parang mas gusto n’ya pang lapitan iyong babae.

“I can’t,” I said. “There are too many people here. I need to talk to you alone.”

It was only then that Devlin finally looked at me again. Wala pa ring emosyon sa mga mata n’ya and I think… that was how he felt too right now. But it was alright. At least he was looking at me again.

Nagtagal ang tingin sa ’kin ni Devlin. Parang pinag-iisipan pa kung pagbibigyan ako o hindi. He then glanced at our surroundings. Alam kong tinitingnan n’ya ang mga bodyguard na in-assign sa ’kin ni Daddy. I was thankful that they even let Devlin approach me.

He took a deep breath before he looked at me again.

“Alright…”

I smiled.

“After na lang nitong party. I still have to greet Irina. I haven’t talked to her pa kasi.” He just nodded. “You have to stay beside me all the time, okay?”

Ilang sandali s’yang nakatitig sa ’kin bago bumuntong-hininga at tumango. I didn’t want to think na napipilitan lang s’ya kaya hindi ko na pinansin iyon.

“Okay,” he said.

“Where have you been?” hindi ko na napigilang itanong. “You told me you’d come back that night pero ngayon ka lang nagpakita ulit sa ’kin.”

“There’s…” he trailed off. He then shook his head. “We can just talk about this later.”

“But… is everything fine? You didn’t get into trouble with my father, did you?”

Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyari sa ’kin pagkatapos noon. But I knew that something had happened. Maybe Dad sent him away to separate us. Maybe he was even fired as my bodyguard. I was surprised that he could even approach me like this.

“You have nothing to worry about, Yelizaveta. Just let me handle it.”

He said it in a way that made me think that I shouldn’t meddle in his business, which surprised me. Devlin… he never talked to me this way. He would always explain everything to me so I would understand. He was very patient with me.

But why did it feel like napipilitan lang s’yang kausapin ako ngayon?

I don’t understand… He said that he would see me today. I was even excited to see him again. But it looked like it wasn’t the case for him.

Why is he being like this?

Wala sa sariling napatingin ako sa dereksyon ng babaeng tinitingnan n’ya kanina. The woman was eye-catching. I could see that a lot of people were curious about who that beautiful woman was. One might even think she was one of the models, as she seemed tall too.

The woman suddenly looked my way. Naramdaman yata ang titig ko. Dahil sa distansy ay hindi ko makita ang kulay ng mga mata n’ya. But they seemed pale in color as well making her look even more… mystical. Like a sun fairy especially with that ginger hair.

She raised an eyebrow at me. Nagtataka na siguro sa paninititig ko. Then, her lips stretched. She smiled but it looked more like she was smirking.

She’s really… gorgeous.

I was about to put my hand on my tummy, but I clenched my fist instead. I was planning to tell Devlin about my pregnancy later, thinking that he would be happy with the news. But with the way he was acting right now…

Paano kung hindi n’ya magustuhan ang sasabihin ko? What if… he gets mad? What if I’m the only one who wants this?

Come to think of it… Did Devlin even want to have a child? Especially with a woman who was supposed to be his punishment? Did he even love me?

My hands trembled. The tightening in my chest grew stronger. Nag-init ang mga mata ko at alam kong ilang sandali lang ay maiiyak na ako. I didn’t want to cry, especially since there were people around. But I was really having a hard time controlling my emotions.

“I think you can talk to Irina now.”

I looked at Devlin at sinundan ko ng tingin ang tinitingnan n’ya. I saw Irina talking to a woman. I didn’t want to disturb them, as they were so engrossed in their conversation pero naiiyak na talaga ako kaya nagdesisyon na lang akong lapitan sila.

“Dobryy vecher, Irina,” I greeted them at pareho silang napatingin sa ’kin.

The woman with Irina looked gorgeous. She had short hair that reached her shoulders, and I really liked her black outfit. Ibang-iba sa white dress na suot ko that was also designed by Irina and made me look like an angel as well.

I wonder who her designer was. Ang ganda kasi talag ng damit n’ya.

The woman was staring at me before her gaze shifted behind me. I knew that she was looking at Devlin. While Irina was smiling widely at me before she looked at the woman.

“Hey… there’s someone I want you to—”

It was right then that we all heard a frightened scream. Naramdaman ko kaagad ang paglapit sa ’kin ni Devlin and his hand on the back of my head.

“Get down!” he instructed before he pushed me down to crouch as a loud gunshot echoed in the room.

Nagkagulo ang lahat. Everyone was running around, hoping to find a safe place. Devlin became so alert, and I even caught a glimpse of him holding a gun. I didn’t want to but I was suddenly reminded of the day when men tried to kidnap me. Mas lumala ang panginginig ng katawan ko.

I was so scared. I didn’t know what was happening. I was so glad that Devlin was by my side dahil kung hindi ay hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko.

“Let’s go,” I heard Devlin say as he held my arm and pulled me up. May pagmamadali sa mga kilos n’ya.

I looked at Irina, who was crouching down beside me. And held out my hand.

“Irina.”

Hinawakan muna ni Irina ang kamay ng babaeng kasama n’ya bago tinanggap ang kamay ko. Devlin was pulling my arm at mabilis ang naging paglalakad n’ya. I was so glad that I changed to flat shoes after I walked down the runway earlier, as the doctor advised me that I shouldn’t wear heels. I even thought that crouching down earlier was bad for pregnancy, but I had no choice as the situation called for it. Besides, hindi naman alam ni Devlin ang kalagayan ko.

Naramdaman ko ang pagkakatigil ni Irina kaya napatigil din ako. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko when I saw Serj holding the woman in his arms and glaring at Devlin na itinago ako sa likuran n’ya.

“Let go of the woman, Romanov.” Halata ang galit sa boses ni Devlin.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Oh, no… He just didn’t say that to the Pakhan, did he? Hindi ko nakikita ang mukha ni Devlin dahil nasa likuran n’ya ako pero kitang-kita ko ang galit sa mukha ni Serj.

“You’re making a fucking mistake, Alexeev.”

“She’s with us,” sabi pa ni Devlin.

“They’re with us,” sabi pa ni Killian na hawak na si Irina sa braso. He pointed at her and the woman using his gun, which made Devlin more alert, and he pointed the gun at Killian before pointing it at Serj.

Oh, my fucking god! Devlin was pointing his gun at the Pakhan! Serj wouldn’t let this go!

“Devlin, no!” I held his arm and tried to pull it down pero mala-bakal ang mga braso n’ya. It didn’t even budge!

Shit! Nakatutok na rin ang mga baril nina Killian at Serj sa kanya and I knew they wouldn’t hesitate to kill him!

“How would I know if you’re telling the truth and not just kidnapping them? I know what a sick bastard you are, Romanov!”

Shut up, Devlin! Oh, my gosh, shut up! That’s the Pakhan!

“It’s okay, Mr. Alexeev,” sabi ng babaeng hawak ni Serj. “I’m Serj’s girlfriend. I came here with them.”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. That woman was Serj’s girlfriend? Is she even aware that he’s the Bratva’s Pakhan? Mukha kasing mabait iyong babae and she even looked gentle.

“How would I know you’re not behind this?” tanong pa ni Devlin at gusto ko na talagang takpan ang bibig n’ya! He just accused the Pakhan!

“You’re not a fucking dumbass, Alexeev. Do you really think I’d put my woman in danger?”

Devlin didn’t say anything and just kept looking at them. Habang ako ay nanginginig na sa kaba at takot. Kaya sinubukan ko na ulit na ibaba ang braso n’ya but it was no use.

“Let’s just go, Devlin.” My voice croaked. Naiiyak na ako sa pinaghalo-halong emosyon.

I saw Serj look at me. Parang iniisip kung hahayaan ako kay Devlin o isasama sa kanila. Mas dumiin ang pagkakahawak ko sa braso ni Devlin. I knew that if Serj wanted to, he could take me with them.

Pero ayoko. Not now na ngayon ko na lang ulit nakita si Devlin. I was afraid that I wouldn’t see him again kapag nalayo ako sa kanya ngayon. Besides, there’s something I need to tell him.

Devlin finally put his gown down before he held my arm again.

“Let’s go,” sabi ni Devlin at hinila na ako palayo sa kanila.

I was relieved that Serj didn’t do anything to take me away from Devlin. Maybe he knew that Devlin was going to protect me anyway. At sa tingin ko, mas gusto n’yang maialis ang girlfriend n’ya roon and took her to safety before he dealt with anything. I was so sure that Serj wouldn’t let Devlin go lalo pa at parang naging bastos si Devlin sa kanya.

I was aware of Devlin’s circumstances with the Bratva. Pero hindi ko inakalang he would treat the Pakhan that way. As if he didn’t even care about his life, he didn’t even try to hide the grudge that he had for him.

Devlin put me in a room that looked like an office na medyo malayo rin sa function room kung saan ginanap ang after-party. It was dark inside pero may liwanag namang pumapasok dahil bukas ang bintana na nasa likod ng desk. So, I noticed the silhouette of a woman sitting on the desk with her legs crossed.

“Finally,” she said. “I’ve been waiting for ages.”

Devlin turned on the lights before he drew the curtains closed. Pero ang mga mata ko ay nanatili sa babaeng nandoon din sa loob ng room na ’yon. It was the redhead woman I saw earlier. Nang makita n’ya akong nakatingin sa kanya ay ngumiti s’ya sa ’kin.

“So, you’re Yelizaveta.”

“Fiadh.” There was a warning tone in Devlin’s voice.

Natawa ang babae.

“What? I just want to introduce myself. After all, we’re both mafia princesses.”

“You’re a Bratva’s princess too?” hindi ko na napigilang itanong.

The woman smiled at me. Now that she was near me, I realized she had pale-green eyes.

“Nah-uh.” She shook her head. “I’m from the Irish Mob.”

I frowned.

“Irish mob?”

“The Irish Mafia. I’m the daughter of a Warlord.”

My frown deepened. Hindi ko maintindihan ang sinasabi n’ya. Pero mukhang walang pakialam doon ang babae at bumaba mula sa table. Nakangiti s’yang lumapit sa ’kin at naglahad ng kamay.

“I’m Fiadh Hegarty. My name is pronounced as Fyee-eh, but spelled as F-I-A-D-H.” She smiled sweetly at me. “Quite charming, right? Irish names.”

Hindi ko alam kung tatanggapin ko ang pakikipag-kamay ng babae. I didn’t even know her, even if she already introduced herself.

And… what was she doing here? A member of the Irish mob? I still had no concrete idea about how the Bratva works, but… I think it’s bad news that she was here.

Napatingn ako kay Devlin. He was looking at Fiadh as if I weren’t in the room.

Wait… he called her name earlier. They knew each other. Does that mean… Devlin have contact with the Irish mob?

Nang hindi pa rin ako gumagalaw ay kinuha na ni Fiadh ang kamay ko and she shook our hands. She then giggled and walked toward Devlin.

“She’s cute,” sabi pa n’ya.

Devlin just glanced at me before he looked at Fiadh.

“Keep an eye on her.”

“Where are you going?” Fiadh asked him.

“The Pakhan saw me with her.”

“What’s wrong with that? You’re her ‘bodyguard’, right?” Fiadh made a quote-unquote in the air with her fingers.

Devlin glanced at me again.

“Just keep an eye on her.”

Nang akmang lalabas na si Devlin ay pinigilan ko s’ya. I held him in the arm and made him look at me.

“Devlin, where… where are you going?”

“He’s going to hide.” It was Fiadh who answered. “The Pakhan saw him taking the Bratva’s princess. I mean… that would be bad for him, right? Since we’re planning on kidnapping you.”

“What…?”

Napatitig ako kay Devlin. He was looking down at me, and there wasn’t any emotion in his eyes. Kung noon ay iisipin kong ganito lang talaga s’ya kung tumingin, but now… it seemed like he really wasn’t feeling anything while looking at me.

“Dev—Devlin… what’s… That’s a lie, right?”

Devlin’s eyebrow twitched. Parang naiirita pa. But I was surprised when he removed my hand that was holding his arm and looked at Fiadh.

“Keep an eye on her.”

He took a step again pero muli kong hinawakan ang braso n’ya. He tsked and I almost cried when I saw anger in his eyes when he looked at me. Parang naiinis na pinigilan ko ulit.

No… no. This is not Devlin. He’s not my Devlin.

I can’t lose him again.

“I’m pregnant.”

Nakita ko ang panlalaki sa mga mata ni Devlin nang sabihin ko iyon. May ilang sandali s’yang nagulat before he let out a curse in Russian.

“Fucking…” he said, taking a deep breath.

“I’m pregnant, Devlin,” ulit ko pa. “And you’re—”

“Shut up!”

Napapitlag ako sa pagsigaw n’ya. Hinawakan n’ya pa nang mariin ang mga braso ko at galit na tumitig sa ’kin.

“Shut up, Yelizaveta.”

“Devlin… it’s your—”

“I said shut up! You think I fucking care about that?”

Hindi makapaniwala akong napatingin sa kanya. Nanginig ang mga labi ko at hindi ko namalayang umiiyak na pala ako dahil sa matinding sakit na nararamdaman ko sa dibdib ko.

I saw Devlin grit his teeth and let go of me.

“Fuck!” He brushed his hair frustratedly.

I sobbed. Halos mawalan ng lakas ang mga tuhod ko. I was just staring at Devlin, who looked like I just told him a huge problem.

No… This is not him. Hindi ganito si Devlin. He was always… protecting me. Hindi n’ya ako sasaktan ng ganito.

I couldn’t recognize the man in front of me anymore.

“Aww, don’t be like that, Devlin…” rinig kong sabi ni Fiadh. “It’ll make her think that you want her to get rid of the child, sige ka.”

Devlin glared at her.

“Shut up. Don’t you even dare tell anyone about this!”

I heard Fiadh giggle.

“Hmm… alright. Kung ’yon ang gusto mo.”

I looked at Fiadh, surprised to hear her talk in Tagalog. Ngumiti naman s’ya sa ’kin.

“You seem surprised. Hindi ba halatang nakakaintindi ako ng Tagalog?” she said. “Where do you think Devlin learned how to speak the language fluently?”

Gulat na napatingin ako kay Devlin, who was looking at me with indifference in his eyes. Gone was the gentle and passionate glint in those dark orbs whenever he was looking at me before. Parang nakatingin lang s’ya sa taong kinagagalitan n’ya.

So, he’s mad at me? What about those things we did together? What about those feelings he made me feel? Wala lang ba ’yon? Did he just… make me think I was the most important to him? Wala bang halaga sa kanya ’yung oras na magkasama kami?

Did he really think of me as his punishment?

“Go on, Devlin,” rinig ko pang sabi ni Fiadh pero hindi ko inalis ang tingin sa lalaking nasa harap ko. “Tell her what we’ve been doing lately.”

Mas lalo akong napaiyak dahil doon. She didn’t elaborate pero hindi ako tanga para hindi maintindihan ang gusto n’yang iparating.

They knew each other. And maybe even more. Maybe this was the woman that Devlin truly loved. As far as I remember, he never even told me he loved me.

Sa mga panahong naghihintay ako sa pagbabalik n’ya ay kasama n’ya ang babaeng ’to. Those sleepness nights I had while thinking of him, he was with this woman, maybe even embracing her.

Shit… So, I was the only one thinking that we had something between us? I thought we had a relationship? Pero anong relationship ba ’yon? Nagkamali lang ba ako sa isiping mahal n’ya ako?

Fuck, I can’t take this anymore. Hindi na ako makahinga sa sakit ng dibdib ko. I was sobbing so bad and Devlin didn’t try anything to comfort me. Nakatingin lang s’ya sa ’kin na para bang hindi n’ya ako kilala.

He took a deep breath and looked at Fiadh.

“I’ll leave her to you.”

Iyon lang at lumabas na s’ya ng kwartong ’yon. He didn’t even look at me again. Iniwan n’ya ako roon na para bang hindi n’ya ako kilala.

He left me with my heart broken and my soul shattered.

Chapter 29

I was out of myself when Devlin left the room. He didn’t look back at me once and just walked away, as if what he was leaving inside had no importance to him. As if I didn’t tell him that we were going to have a baby.

And like the fool I am, I even thought of a reason why he suddenly became cold to me. Maybe he thought that he was not the father of this baby. Especially now that Rio is back. But… it would break me even more kung iyon nga ang iniisip n’ya. Ibig sabihin ay wala s’yang tiwala sa akin kung ganoon nga when he knew that he was the only man in my life.

Then… why? Why did he leave me here? Ang akala ko pa nga ay matutuwa s’ya sa sasabihin ko. Ang akala ko… he would help me get out of the arranger marriage the Pakhan set for me. He was my only hope, but it was him who shattered my hope just like that.

He didn’t want the baby. Maybe… he didn’t even want me in the first place. Ako lang ang may gusto sa kanya. I was the only one who was in love with our relationship.

Mapait akong napangiti. Well… I am his punishment. Maybe being with me just reminded him of his parents’ betrayal, and he was the one who should make up for his parents’ sins. Paano nga naman n’ya ako mamahalin kung iyon nga ang naaalala n’ya sa ’kin?

My tears fell, and a sob escaped from my lips. What should I do now? Hindi ko na alam kung anong dapat kong gawin. I am pregnant with Devlin’s child, and I am supposed to marry Vissarion Sokolov. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ni Serj kapag nalaman n’ya ang tungkol sa kalagayan ko.

I am going to have a child with the man whose family betrayed the Bratva.

My mind was in turmoil. Bigla akong nanghina na parang hinigop palabas ng katawan ko ang buong lakas ko. I was about to fall to the floor when a hand held my arm and guided me to sit on the couch. I looked up and saw Fiadh standing in front of me with her hands on her waist.

“Well, that was close,” she said. “I heard it’s bad for a pregnant woman to fall or even crouch down, so you’re welcome.”

Pagod akong tumitig sa kanya. I couldn’t bear to look at her. She hinted that there was something going on between her and Devlin, and I couldn’t take that. It hurts so much, and I just want her to disappear out of my sight. I want to be alone. I don’t want her to see me looking so pathetic.

“Why are you still here?” My voice sounded hoarse. Damn it. Hindi ko man lang magawang itago ang sakit sa boses ko. Or maybe it was futile, as she already saw me crying and almost begging Devlin not to leave me.

“Oh, you didn’t hear? Devlin told me to keep an eye on you, right? Ilang beses n’ya pa ngang sinabi.” She rolled her eyes. “I mean, I already got it the first time, so he didn’t have to say it three times.”

“At gagawin mo naman?”

“Well, of course! I told you. We were planning to kidnap you. We weren’t just expecting that… you know.” She motioned at my whole being with her hand. “Hindi lang pala isa ang makukuha namin.”

My face contorted in pain. Hindi ko alam kung anong uunahin kong isipin. Devlin betrayed me. And by planning to take me, he also betrayed the Bratva. Hindi ko alam kung anong plano n’yang gawin sa ’kin, but he must’ve known that his plan would have consequences. Yet he still risked it. His goal must’ve been more important than the fact that I was pregnant with our child.

What the fuck was he even expecting? With all the times that we didn’t use protection, sa tingin n’ya ba talaga hindi ako mabubuntis? If he wasn’t even planning on getting me pregnant at all, he should’ve been more careful! He shouldn’t have touched me in the first place! At ang tanga ko naman para mahulog sa kanya!

Fuck! He must’ve been laughing behind my back! I was just a tool for him that he could use! I’m glad I didn’t tell him I loved him. Mas lalo lang akong magmumukhang tanga sa harapan n’ya.

Fiadh crouched down in front of me so our eyes would level. Napatingin ako sa kanya. Her knees were closed, and she was using them to lean her arms on.

“I apologize on his behalf. He just couldn’t let himself get caught, you know. Especially now.”

I scoffed.

“And risk getting you caught instead? Do you really think that the Pakhan would just let you take me?”

Fiadh smiled sweetly at me. But there was a wicked glint in her pale green eyes.

“Oh, sweety… That’s what I’ve been planning from the start.”

Napatitig ako sa kanya.

“What are you…”

It was then that the door in that room slammed open. I flinched in surprise but Fiadh just calmly looked in the direction of the door. She even smiled when she saw Vissarion pointing a gun at her.

“Pakhan, she’s here,” Vissarion said without taking his eyes off Fiadh.

Serj entered the room and frowned as soon as his eyes met mine. But his expression changed when he saw the woman in front of me. He even seemed to recognize her. His gaze even darkened.

“Just what is an Irish rat doing on my turf?”

Another man entered the room. I don’t recognize him, but he must’ve been in Bratva as well. Nang makita n’ya si Fiadh ay itinaas ang hawak na baril at itinutok doon.

Fiadh giggled. She even covered her mouth with her knuckles, like everything was amusing to her.

“Aww, Pakhan… is this how you treat women? Three men against one woman, really?”

“We know who you are.” It was Vissarion. Nakatutok pa rin ang baril kay Fiadh. “You’re Fiadh Ludmilla Hegarty, the daughter of an Irish mob warlord. Born and raised to be an assassin.” I could almost see a smirk on Vissarion’s lips. “There’s no use in treating you like any other woman.”

Fiadh gave him an innocent look.

“You’ve researched about me? Why, I’m flattered. You even pronounced my name right. I didn’t know that the Bratva’s brigadier was interested in me.”

Vissarion’s eyes turned cold behind his spectacles.

“Get up. Hands where I can see them.”

Walang pag-aalinlangang tumayo si Fiadh at itinaas ang mga kamay.

“You must also frisk me. I might be hiding weapons.”

Vissarion looked at Serj. Serj nodded once at doon lang gumalaw si Vis. I realized that he was just asking for the Pakhan’s permission.

“Where’s Alexeev?” Serj asked. I was looking at him, so I knew that the question was directed at me.

I pursed my lips. I could see that Serj already knew the answer. He realized what was going on. He saw me leaving with Devlin earlier, and yet he found me inside the room with Fiadh, a member of the Irish mob. Parang naghihintay lang s’ya ng confirmation ko.

I couldn’t say anything. Palala kasi nang palala ang sakit sa dibdib ko. As if someone was squeezing my heart and I couldn’t take the pain anymore. I didn’t want to cry in front of these men so I held my tears in. I didn’t want them to know how foolish I was.

Nakakahiya… I even got pregnant by the man who betrayed the Bratva. Ayokong malaman ni Serj. I didn’t know what he might do.

“He decided to hide after Yeliz told him that she was pregnant.”

I gasped. Napatingin ako kay Fiadh, who was just smiling innocently. Nakita ko pa ang bahagyang pagkakatigil ng mga kamay ni Vissarion na nasa bewang ni Fiadh bago ulit nagpatuloy sa pagkapkap sa kanya.

I looked at Serj, panic was eating my system. He had a slight frown on his forehead while looking at Fiadh. But when his gaze turned to me, a chill ran down my spine. I could sense danger. He was… angry.

“S-serj…”

Shit… Of course, he’d get mad. I was supposed to marry Vissarion. Then he would find out that I got pregnant by Devlin. Hindi n’ya magugustuhan ’yon. I was scared of what he would do to me now that I ruined his plans.

“You know the sight of you kneeling before me is turning me on.” I heard Fiadh say. I saw Vissarion pull out a dagger inside Fiadh’s left boot. “You missed the one I’m hiding between my tits.”

Vissarion looked up to her. There was a frown on his face. In a normal situation, I think I would be amazed, as he looked cold and distant when he was introduced to me.

But I couldn’t. Not now, when I could feel Serj’s cold gaze on my face. Ni hindi ko na nga magawang ibalik ang tingin ko sa kanya. I could feel myself trembling.

I saw Vis stand up. He was staring straight into Fiadh’s eyes while she was smiling sweetly at him. Nakita kong ipinasok ni Vis ang kamay n’ya sa loob ng tube top ni Fiadh, searching for a weapon, touching her breasts as he did so. When he didn’t find anything, I saw his jaw tick and anger register in his eyes.

“You’re fucking playing with me,” he hissed as he grabbed Fiadh’s arm so tightly that I bet it hurt. Marahas n’yang itinalikod si Fiadh and he shoved her on the desk, bending her over as he held her hands behind her to keep her from moving.

All of this was happening in front of me, but it didn’t register in my head. I was too preoccupied with other thoughts to pay attention to them. I couldn’t even feel anything but pain in my heart. Parang gusto ko na lang umalis sa kwartong ’to. I wanted to hide from everyone.

Why did my life have to be so complicated like this? I just wanted to be free pero nagulo ang lahat. I even fell in love with the wrong man.

What should I do now with my child? Hindi ko alam. This baby would grow up without a father, and I wasn’t sure if I could be a good mother. I was afraid na baka mahirapan lang ang magiging anak ko. Ayokong madamay s’ya sa gulo ng buhay ko.

I just hoped that I was a normal person, that I had a normal life. Hindi sana ako masasaktan ng ganito.

“Hey, we should fuck,” Fiadh said with a giggle. “I want you to manhandle me in bed as well. I like it rough.”

“You make too much noise. Shut the fuck up.” Halata ang inis sa boses ni Vissarion.

“I don’t think you understand the situation you’re in, Miss Hegarty.” The coldness in Serj’s voice was evident. “You were working with Alexeev and did something against the Bratva. You should have known from the moment you entered my territory that you’d be meeting my executioner next.”

Vissarion cuffed Fiadh’s wrists before he grabbed her from the back of her neck tightly and made her face Serj. The movement was too aggressive at ako ang nasaktan para kay Fiadh. Pero hindi man lang nawala ang matamis na ngiti sa mga labi n’ya. She didn’t look worried or scared at all.

“If you kill me, the captain and my father won’t sit back, you know. You’re just going to start a war.”

“Then let there be a war.” The smirk on Serj’s lips was ominous. It was as if he wanted that to happen. “I’ll be generous enough to send your head back to them as my gift.”

“Why… I must thank you in advance then.”

Serj looked at Vissarion.

“Take her away.”

Vis nudged Fiadh too forcefully, but she just giggled and started walking. Nang mapadaan s’ya sa ’kin at nakita akong nakatingin sa kanya, she just winked at me.

I was left in the room with Serj and the other man with him. Hindi pa rin ako makatingin sa kanya but I could feel his gaze on me. Now that Fiadh was gone, his attention was on me.

“I assume that Alexeev is the father of your child,” rinig kong sabi ni Serj.

I nodded, still not looking at him. I couldn’t tell if he was mad from the tone of his voice. Masyado iyong malamig. Parang nakikipag-usap sa hindi kakilala.

I bit my lower lip. Naramdaman ko ang pag-iinit ng mga mata ko. It was hard to control my emotions but I didn’t really want to cry. I didn’t want to look more pathetic than I was feeling right now.

I just… I just want this to end. Ayoko na. I just want to rest.

Pagod akong tumingin kay Serj. He was just looking at me. There wasn’t any emotion on his face pero nakaramdam pa rin ako ng takot.

“Would you tell me to get rid of the child?” I asked.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla ko iyong naitanong. Kung saan ako nakakuha ng lakas ng loob para itanong ang ganoon sa Pakhan. Pero siguro, dahil sa pagod at sa dami ng nangyari, hindi ko na nakontrol ang sarili ko.

Perhaps, above all things, that was what I was most concerned about.

“I’m not a heartless man, Yelizaveta,” he said. “I’m still thinking of the best move to make.”

Napatango na lang ako at hindi na nagsalita. I’m so tired. Siguro ay nahalata rin iyon ni Serj dahil narinig kong bumuntong-hininga s’ya.

“We’ll talk about this some other time. For now, you should rest,” he said. “Iohann will take you home.”

The man Iohann walked toward me and held out his hand. Tinanggap ko iyon dahil sa tingin ko, hindi ko na rin kayang tumayong mag-isa. I’m damn exhausted and feel drained from everything that happened.

Pero bago kami lumabas ng room na ’yon ay lumingon pa muna ako kay Serj.

“What will happen to Devlin?” I asked. “Will you… kill him?”

“He betrayed the Bratva. I gave him a chance but this is what he did.”

Serj looked at me straight in the eyes.

“So, yes, Yelizaveta. I will destroy the entire Alexeev family. And I am going to start with him.”

Chapter 30

It didn’t take long before Serj called my father and me to talk to us about his decision. This was definitely a serious matter as he summoned us to the Romanov main house where only important occasions with the Bratva were being held, unlike before na si Serj pa ang pumupunta sa amin. Kaya naman ramdam ko ang kaba ni Dad sa tabi ko here sa backseat while we were on our way.

But I was trying not to get it on me, even though I was nervous as well. I didn’t want to stress myself with the situation. Lalo pa at binilinan ako ng doctor to avoid stress as it wouldn’t do well with my pregnancy. I tried so hard to forget what happened at the party dahil pakiramdam ko ay hindi ko kakayanin ang sakit at ang katotohonang iniwan na nga ako ni Devlin.

I took a deep breath. Ramdam ko kasing nag-iinit ang mga mata ko. Damn it. I told myself that I wouldn’t cry over it again. It’s not good for the baby. I need to stay strong dahil hindi na lang sarili ko ang kailangan kong alagaan.

Forget about Devlin. He’s not worth it. If he doesn’t want the baby, then so be it. Kaya kong palakihing mag-isa ang anak ko.

“It’s alright, dochka ,” my father said beside me. “The Pakhan is merciful when it comes to his family and the Bratva. He didn’t take back what he said that you can call him ‘Serj’, right?”

For a moment, I was lost. Hindi ko s’ya maintindihan pero umiling pa rin ako.

“No.”

He nodded and looked relieved for some reason.

“That’s good. You know how important nicknames are for us. Only our families and those close to us can call us by our diminutives. That means that the Pakhan still regards us as his family in the Bratva so it’ll be alright.”

I nodded, finally understood what he meant. Gusto ko pa sanang sabihin na hindi naman doon nakabase ang magiging desisyon ni Serj but if that’s what would appease him, then I’ll just let him.

Since Russians often have long names as names are quite a big deal in our culture, nicknames or diminutives were used by those people who we deemed important to us, like our family and friends. Kaya ganoon ang naisip ni Daddy. From the start, Serj insisted that I should call him by his nickname so it meant that I belonged to the Bratva family. Hindi n’ya binawi iyon sa kabila nang nangyari.

Natigilan ako. Realization suddenly hit me. Devlin never called me by my diminutive kahit na ilang beses ko na s’yang sinabihan that he could call me as Yeliz or Liza, as Yelizaveta was quite too long. I thought that he just wanted to maintain the formality between us, but even when we were in a relationship, he still called me by my first name. And he never told me to call him by his nickname too.

Ah… I should’ve realized it by then. Devlin didn’t see me as someone important to him. Well, maybe he was pero hindi sa paraang gusto ko. I was important to him as he could use me against the Bratva.

God… I’m so fucking stupid.

“We’re here.”

We stopped at a traditional-looking house, but it was so huge that it could be mistaken for a castle. There were still some touches of modernity on the exterior but the traditional look was still preserved. There was also a wide front yard and there was even a fountain in the middle.

“I want you to behave, Yelizaveta,” bulong sa ’kin ni Dad nang may sumalubong sa ’min pagbaba ng sasakyan. “You won’t want to anger the Pakhan even more.”

“Matvey Aslanov.” The man greeted my father. “ Proshlo mnogo vremeni. “

“Leonid Ozerov.” They shook hands before Dad looked at me. “This is my daughter, Yelizaveta Matveyevna Aslanova.”

The man smiled at me and held out his hand which I accepted.

“It is nice to finally meet the Aslanov’s princess. You’ve met my son, right? Nikolaj?”

“Oh… Yes.” So, he’s Nikolaj’s dad. Then he’s the former Obshchak and Bratva’s executioner. “Nice meeting you too.”

“Is Aleksandr here?” Dad asked kaya binalingan na s’ya ni Leonid.

“Yes. But he won’t be in the meeting,” he said. “Let’s go. The Pakhan is waiting.”

We followed Leonid inside. He guided us in front of the door that I believed was the meeting room for today. Nakita kong sinulyapan muna ako ni Leonid bago bumaling kay Dad.

“You really should pass down your position. We have a new Pakhan now.”

Mabilis na umiling si Dad.

“No… not Yelizaveta. I made a promise to my wife.”

Leonid stared at my dad for a moment before taking a deep breath and nodding.

“I get it.” He knocked on the door. “ Pakhan , they’re here.“

“Let them in.” I heard Serj’s voice from the other side of the door.

Leonid opened the door for us. Dad and I went inside the office and I heard the door closing behind us. I suddenly felt suffocated even though the room was so wide. Gusto ko na lang lumabas ng kwartong ’yon. The mood wasn’t good for me. I could already feel the pressure kahit wala pa akong halos isang minuto roon.

There were two more men in the room. I recognized Iohann, who was standing with his hips leaning against the edge of the desk. When our gazes connected, he nodded, acknowledging me. Serj was sitting on a one-seater sofa, holding a whiskey glass. I didn’t recognize the man seated on the long sofa to his right.

Somehow, it made me quite nervous. Naalala ko ang araw na ipinakilala sa ’kin si Vissarion.

“We greet you, Pakhan . Thank you for sparing the time to talk to us,” sabi ni Dad na bahagya pang iniyukod ang ulo.

I remained standing. I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t taught how to properly greet the head of the Bratva. I wasn’t taught anything about the Bratva at all. Father had no intention of getting me involved deeply like this anyway.

I looked at Serj. I almost flinched when I saw that he was staring at me. Parang inaabangan kung anong gagawin ko. His eyes were all intense. I could feel the pressure getting heavier, forcing me to bow down to him. Hindi ko matagalan iyon so I looked down instead.

I heard Serj make a low chuckle.

“Take a seat.”

Dad sat on the long sofa on Serj’s left. Tumabi ako sa kanya. There was a center table and I just kept my eyes on it. I didn’t think I could last long inside this room. Ngayon pa lang auy pinagpapawisan na ako nang malamig.

“Matvey, you know Lev. As Alexeev’s replacement, he will now serve as a brigadier in your working unit. It was agreed mutually by the elite group and myself.”

“I accept your decision, Pakhan ,” Dad said politely.

Serj looked at me.

“Yeliz, this is Lev Kozlov. His brother holds the same position as your father within the Obshchak . But I thought it would be best if I let him work for your father.”

I was sure that I wasn’t the only one who heard the warning in his tone even though there was a polite smile on Serj’s lips. I noticed Dad stiffened beside me. I knew he was sharp. Kaya nga nalaman n’ya ang tungkol sa relasyon namin ni Devlin kahit anong tago ang ginawa namin.

I took a deep breath. Devlin again…

Serj was clearly warning us that he wouldn’t tolerate any more mistakes from the Aslanovs again. That is why, even though one of the two spies, Killian, the Sovietnik , was already keeping a watch on my father, Serj also put Lev under the guise of working as my father’s brigadier.

Mas lalo tuloy akong kinabahan. I also saw Iohann crossed his arms at saglit akong napatingin sa kanya. His eyes were on me as if he was just waiting for me to make a mistake right there.

A warning right from the start of the meeting. Ibig sabihin, the main issue of this meeting wouldn’t be in my favor.

“Finally, the Aslanov’s princess,” Lev said as he held out his hand for a handshake. Mabilis ko iyong tinanggap.

“Nice meeting you.”

The Aslanov’s princess. I guess that was how they heard about me. Not even as the model Yelizaveta Aslanova.

Lev is a Kozlov. I’ve heard it before. They are one of the three powerful families in the Bratva.

“That aside, I originally planned to talk with only you, Yelizaveta, but I figured I should summon your father too as he is the current head of the Aslanov. He, too, should hear my decision regarding his daughter.”

“I am grateful for that, Pakhan ,” Dad said. “I also wanted to be here in case there were some misunderstandings about what happened.”

“Hmm… Misunderstanding,” Serj muttered as he stared at the whiskey glass he was holding. Iniangat n’ya pa iyon palapit sa mukha n’ya. He swirled the glass. The liquid inside of it followed the movement.

Napalunok ako. Why do I feel as if I was that liquid as well? Trapped in the glass, just able to follow Serj’s moves. And he was watching me closely to ensure that I would do everything he wanted with me.

I saw Serj’s gaze shift to my father. There was a dark glint in them that terrified me.

“Then is it only a misunderstanding that your daughter got pregnant by the man who betrayed the Bratva?”

I shivered. Ramdam ko ang lamig sa boses ni Serj. His blue eyes made me feel that I was looking at the coldest thing that ever existed.

“P-pakhan …” Dad stammered. “My daughter wasn’t thinking when she—”

“I don’t think so,” putol ni Serj sa iba pang sasabihin ni Dad. “I even think that she’s a sly one for hiding her relationship with her bodyguard. She’s well aware that she was doing something wrong.”

“I didn’t know!” I said. “I didn’t mean to do something that is against the Bratva. I didn’t even know who Devlin really was! I was kept in the dark the entire time!”

“Yelizaveta!” Dad hissed.

“Would anything change if you knew who he was?” Serj raised an eyebrow at me. Hindi ko inalis ang tingin sa kanya.

“Maybe. Maybe I would’ve put more effort into preventing myself from falling in love with him if I had known what his parents did and why my mother died! Maybe I would’ve been more cautious around him if I had known who he truly was! Maybe I wouldn’t’ve trusted him completely and I wouldn’t have been made into a fool!”

Ah… I’m such a two-face. I hate this. I am being petty. I thought I would deem Devlin innocent of what his parents did. I was so sure that I would only think of him as someone unfortunate at nadamay lang sa kasalanan ng mga magulang n’ya. That he had nothing to do with it and was being punished unfairly because he had no other choice. Sigurado pa ako sa sarili kong matatanggap ko.

Not until what happened at the party. Nag-iba na ang tingin ko sa lahat. Maybe it wasn’t bad to be cautious of people. It wasn’t bad to judge those children because of their parents’ mistakes to avoid getting hurt. To avoid getting the trust broken.

I gritted my teeth. I’m having horrible thoughts. I didn’t like what I’ve become because of this.

I hate you, Devlin. You made me like this. You turned me into a horrible person.

Serj took a sip of his whiskey. It took a while before he spoke. Maybe he was savoring the taste of the alcohol first in his mouth before he gulped it down. Deretso ang titig n’ya sa ’kin nang magsalita.

“You know, Yelizaveta, I have this belief that no child should have to bear the consequences of their parents’ crimes. It would be wrong to punish an innocent child for a mistake they did not commit. It would be unfair to deny them a chance and then judge them for things they did not do.” He took a deep breath. “I do not aim to be the type of ruler or person who denies unfortunate children the chance to have a better life because their parents are foolish and do not know how to protect their family.”

I know. Father told me about it. It was the reason why Serj didn’t kill Devlin before. Because he saw him as an innocent child who didn’t have any idea of what his parents did. And I think it was that belief of him that was why his men respected him even more.

Serj is a just leader. But I have the feeling that it would be entirely different once he became an enemy. Kaya ganoon na lang ang pag-aalala ni Dad not to offend the Pakhan .

I saw Serj smirking at me. Parang alam kung anong iniisip ko.

“I told you, I am quite generous.”

He emptied his glass. Ibinaba n’ya iyon sa table. He then crossed his legs and rested his back on the chair, with his arms also resting on the armrest of the sofa.

“But after what happened to Irina and my brother, after what my dumbass half-brother did to Natalia, and after what Alexeev did, I’m beginning to think that my views might have been… wrong.”

Bahagyang kumunot ang noo ko. There were things in that statement that I couldn’t understand.

Irina? She got involved? May idea na ako sa realsyon nila ni Killian but… this is new. Is that why Irina took some time off in the industry? And I suddenly remembered what Serj had mentioned before, that his brother was in the hospital.

Napatitig ako kay Serj. There was a dark look on his face. As if he wanted to destroy something. As if he wanted to hurt someone.

He suddenly looked at me and I flinched. I got scared by the danger I saw in his eyes.

“I shouldn’t have been merciful to those children.” Even his voice sounded so cold. “Otherwise, those innocent people and those who are important to me wouldn’t have gotten hurt. I could’ve prevented it. However, people were harmed as a result of my mercy for what I believed to be innocent children. Innocents got involved.”

“I… don’t think that’s your fault,” sabi ko sa mahinang boses.

Serj stared at me. I saw the corner of his lips twitched.

“You think so? But, at least, I learned something from what happened.” He smiled. But it was that kind of smile that told me I wasn’t safe. “I now learned that children should get punished too. So that they wouldn’t hold a grudge for the consequences that befall their parents. So that they wouldn’t cause any problems in the future. Don’t you agree, Yelizaveta?”

I should answer. The look in his eyes and the command tone in his voice told me that I could save my life if I agreed with him. Pero may parte sa ’kin ang gustong tumanggi. I knew what he was trying to say.

“Yeliz,” Dad hissed beside me. He wanted me to answer at ’wag nang paghintayin si Serj.

I gritted my teeth.

“My child is innocent, Serj,” I said instead. “I haven’t given birth to my child yet!”

Serj raised an eyebrow at me. He leaned his elbow on the armrest and used his knuckles to support his chin.

“How can you be so sure?”

Something inside me just snapped. I glared at him.

“You will have to kill me first before you get to do anything with my child.”

“Yelizaveta!” saway sa ’kin ni Dad. “That’s the Pakhan !”

But Serj just chuckled. Amusement was dancing in his blue eyes.

“Spoken like a true Bratva princess. And I see that you have your father’s intelligence. You immediately got what I was trying to say.”

“Of course! I am not stupid. I am not a pampered little princess who doesn’t know anything. I know the purpose of this meeting and I thought that you would be willing to talk about what was best for my child. But that doesn’t it, right?”

Serj told me that he was thinking about what he would do with my child. Kahit na hindi ko alam kung bakit s’ya ang kailangang magdesisyon para sa magiging anak ko. He told me that day that he would destroy all of the Alexeev. At ngayong sinabi n’yang he wouldn’t give chances to children anymore, alam ko na ang pinupunto n’ya.

He wanted me to get rid of my child because this is Devlin’s child. So he could make sure na hindi magiging problema sa Bratva ang anak ko.

“You didn’t plan to give me any choice right from the start. You just wanted me to do whatever you decided.” Hindi ko na mapigilan ang galit sa dibdib ko. “You just wanted to control me. First, you decided about my marriage. And now this? I won’t fucking let you touch my child.”

“Yelizaveta!” Halos sumigaw na si Dad. “You’re being rude to the Pakhan!”

Hindi makapaniwalang napatingin ako kay Dad. Ako pa talaga ngayon ang nagiging rude?

“You have the face of an angel but have a fiery mouth,” Serj said. I glared at him but he wasn’t bothered by my anger even just a bit. “I take it that you want to keep your child.”

“Yes,” walang pag-aalinlangan kong sagot. Kaya kong palakihin nang mag-isa ang anak ko.

“Even after what Devlin did to you? I heard he said that he didn’t care about the child.”

I bit my lower lip. I was having a hard time controlling my emotions especially because of pregnancy hormones.

“It’s his issue, not mine. If he does not want the child, I will no longer care about him. But my child has nothing to do with my rage for Devlin. After all, my feelings for him were genuine, and this child was the result.”

I never even thought I could love intensely like that that I was willing to defy everything just to be with him. I thought that it was a beautiful feeling. My love for him was so intense at nagbunga pa iyon. Hindi man naibalik ang binigay kong pagmamahal, but I was given a gift instead. A gift for having a wonderful feeling. I didn’t want to lose that. At hindi ko idadamay ang anak ko sa galit ko para sa ama n’ya.

“I don’t regret it,” I said. “Falling in love.”

“But I already made a decision, Yeliz,” sabi ni Serj at bumalik ang galit ko.

“I fucking hate this. I fucking hate the Bratva! I know the deal you made with Rio. He gambled with my life on the line! It was so unfair! I didn’t do anything wrong but right from the start, pinaglaruan n’yo na ang buhay ko!”

“Yeliz!” sigaw ni Dad. Pinapatigil ako.

But I didn’t want to. I had enough of doing what they wanted. I’m so tired of this. Why do I have to follow Serj when he treats my life as something small like that?

“Did you two have fun watching and just waiting if Devlin would do something to me? If he would ruin me? Did you guys enjoy watching while my life was at stake?” I heard my voice tremble. Ramdam ko ang paninikip ng lalamunan ko. “How dare you risk my life! You have no right to mess with my life just like that!”

“That’s enough, Yelizaveta!” saway ni Dad.

“I’m aware of that,” Serj said so casually. Mas lalo ko lang iyong ikinainis.

So, he fucking knew.

“The members of the Elite group wanted your child to be eliminated along with the entire Alexeev,” Serj continued. “But the decision will still come from me. So I thought of a solution para hindi madamay ang bata sa kasalanan ng mga Alexeev. I know I owe you this much.”

My eyes widened. Serj could speak Tagalog?

“The child mustn’t know about their real father so they wouldn’t become those children that I spared before. So that your child wouldn’t hold any grudge about what I am about to do to his father,” Serj said. He looked at me straight in the eye. “Instead, introduce Vittorio Rossetti as the child’s father.”

Natigilan ako.

“What…?”

“It was supposed to be Vissarion since he was your fiancé but I gave him another assignment and decided to call off your engagement. So Vittorio would be the next choice considering he is the one who brought this mess to the Bratva.”

“My child is not a mess,” pigil ang galit na sabi ko.

“You know that is not what I meant, Yeliz.”

I gritted my teeth.

“And you just expect me to accept all of this?”

“Yelizaveta!” muling saway sa akin ni Dad. “Just be grateful that the Pakhan gave you his mercy.”

I scoffed.

“Mercy? You’re calling this a mercy?” Nag-init ang mga mata ko. “I wasn’t given any choice!”

“You do have a choice.” Napatingin ako kay Serj na kalmado lang na nakatingin sa ’kin sa kabila ng galit ko. “You can raise your child as an Alexeev but of course, the Bratva wouldn’t let this go as well as the Irish mob. Your Alexeev somehow got entangled with them as well.”

“He is not my—”

“Or you can accept my suggestion.” Serj raised his hand a bit to signal Iohann. Lumapit naman si Iohann and he poured alcohol on the empty whiskey glass bago bumalik sa pwesto. “If you do, then not only the Bratva will protect your child but also the Cosa Nostra.”

Serj sipped on his whiskey. He looked so relaxed that it somehow angered me more. Parang wala lang kasi sa kanya ang sinasabi n’ya. He knew what he was doing. He knew that I didn’t really have any other choice and yet he claimed that this was him showing me mercy.

I fucking hated this. I fucking hate that somehow, I could see his point. I fucking hate how helpless I am. Ang lakas ng loob kong sabihin na kaya kong palakihing mag-isa ang anak ko without even thinking how complicated everything was.

Even if I tried to hide and put this all behind me, I wouldn’t be able to go anywhere. I am a famous model. Someone would have to recognize me eventually. Isa pa, the Bratva, the Cosa Nostra, and the Irish mafia would surely be after me.

I wouldn’t be able to protect my child alone.

“And there’s also the million-dollar question.” Serj was staring at his glass before he looked at me. “Is it okay with you if your child is remembered as the child of the family who betrayed the Bratva and was executed?” He shrugged. “Your choice, Yelizaveta.”

I knew it. He made sure that there was nowhere for me to go. He made sure that his “suggestion” would be the right choice. I felt like everything had been planned right from the start and I couldn’t do anything but abide by his rules.

Everyone around me used me to their advantage. I got manipulated by them.

Mahina akong natawa. I laughed at how powerless I was. I laughed at how weak I was. I laughed at the unfortunate life inside of me. I couldn’t even protect my child from all of this. Madadamay s’ya sa lahat ng ’to.

Should I just spare my baby from all of this mess?

I took a deep breath. I was smiling pero alam kong nakikita ni Serj ang galit sa mga mata ko.

“Alright, Serj… I’ll do your ‘suggestion.’ After all, you’re the great Pakhan who has the answer to everything.” Tumayo na ako. “But please don’t forget how much I fucking loathe the Bratva. I wish I was never born in this family.”

I left the room without saying a proper goodbye. I left the room even though my father was calling after me. It was rude but I don’t think I should show any respect to those people who played with my life as if it was nothing.

I saw Rio, who was leaning on the main door. His stance told me that he was waiting for someone while smoking. Nang makita ako ay dumiretso ng tayo at hindi man lang pinatay ang sigarilyo.

“Is this also a part of your great plan?” galit kong salubong sa kanya pero mukhang hindi man lang s’ya nagulat.

“So you accepted Serj’s decision.”

“You think I have any other choice?!” I tried to push him out of anger pero hindi man lang s’ya natinag. “Fuck you, Rio! Don’t you ever claim my child as yours! ’Wag na ’wag mong sasabihin sa kahit na sinong anak mo ang dinadala ko!”

He chuckled. Napakamot pa sa gilid ng kaliwang kilay n’ya.

“Then that would go against your Pakhan’s words. At paano kung may magtanong kung sino ang ama n’yan?”

“I’ll fucking do something about it! Pero ayokong manggagaling sa mismong bibig mong ikaw ang ama ng anak ko!”

Rio laughed. He fucking laughed. Sa sobrang galit ko ay hindi ko na napigilang sampalin s’ya. There was a huge smirk on his lips when he looked at me.

“Ah… I kinda miss my sweet little angel, you know.”

“You’re a fucking psycho!”

“Hmm… Am I?” He chuckled.

I slapped him again.

“You’re fucking disgusting.”

He smirked at me. The glint in his eyes told me that he was enjoying everything.

“Loosen up, Yeliz. A little crazy is what makes life fun.”

My face contorted with so much anger. Naiyak na ako sa sobrang galit na nararamdaman.

“I fucking hate you so much, Rio.”

He just shrugged.

“Well… you have to bear with it. We’ll be spending more time together from now on. Since you know, I’m the father of your child.”

I raised my hand to slap him again pero napigilan n’ya iyon bago pa tumama sa pisngi n’ya. He smiled but there was danger in his eyes.

“I could only tolerate a little of this, Yelizaveta. I am the Don of the Cosa Nostra. I hope you don’t fucking forget that.”

It was a warning. Pero wala na akong pakialam. I was so fucking angry at kung hindi lang maaapektuhan ang pagbubuntis ko, baka sinaktan ko na ulit si Rio.

I pulled my hand away from him. It hurt but I didn’t mind. I couldn’t take any second with this man.

I walked away hoping that I could also get away from all of this, from everything about the mafia.

But I couldn’t. I am still a bird inside a gilded cage, unable to fly freely.

Chapter 31

“That’s a wrap! Good work, everyone!”

I smiled and clapped my hands along with my co-models on the backstage. I congratulated them as well at gusto ko sanang lumapit kay Natalia para batiin din s’ya for her successful fashion show. Ang ayos-ayos ng naging flow ng event at walang naging malaking problema. I was actually amazed, as it seemed like she had already done this many times, even though this was only her first fashion show.

I am sure that she’d be successful even more.

I decided to find Yeruslan instead. Dahil tapos na ang fashion show ay mas lalong naging magulo sa backstage. I was worried that he might get overwhelmed by all of this.

May ilan sa audience ang pinayagang makapasok kaya ilang beses akong naharang as they were asking for my picture with them. Pinagbigyan ko rin naman. I wasn’t planning on going to the after-party after all. So, this was their only chance to take a picture with me.

“You still look wonderful, Yeliz,” sabi ng isa sa mga bumati sa ’kin. “To think that you already have a child. It doesn’t show!”

Pinasadahan n’ya pa ako ng tingin. There wasn’t anything negative in her eyes, only amusement si I smiled at her.

“Actually, he’s here and waiting for me.”

“Does that mean that you’re not going to the after-party?”

I scrunched my nose as I shook my head.

“No. It’ll be his bedtime soon, so we have to go home after this.”

She chuckled. “What a good mother you are.”

She finally let me go after that. I looked around, trying to find Yeruslan while silently hoping that no one would approach me this time. Natagalan na ako sa paghahanap dahil sa mga lumalapit sa ’kin and I was worried that he might get bored.

I finally found him sitting on one of the chairs. His focus was on the tab that he was holding, probably watching his favorite cartoon show para malibang. I smiled as I went near him. I crouched down in front of him pero hindi pa rin n’ya ako napapansin.

I stared at him. There was a little frown on his forehead, bahagyang magkasalubong ang mga kilay habang seryosong nanonood. He suddenly giggled nang may nakakatawa sigurong scene at mas lumawak lang ang ngiti ko. I wanted to stare at him longer but I knew that we really had to go.

“Are you enjoying yourself?”

He flinched. Mukha yatang nagulat sa bigla kong pagsasalita. He looked at me, and I even saw the surprise in his eyes. Pero agad ding napangiti nang makilala ako. His eyes were even twinkling.

“Mommy!”

He stretched his arms as he hugged me. He almost couldn’t reach me kaya inilapit ko na ang sarili ko sa kanya. When he let me go, his two small hands cupped my cheeks.

“Mommy cho pwetty …”

I giggled.

“You’ve watched Mommy walk?”

“Hm!” He nodded. His hold on my cheeks tightened until my lips had already protruded. “ Cho pwetty ….“

I get back at him by pinching both of his cheeks. I saw him frown pero hindi naman binitiwan ang mga pisngi ko.

“And my Ruslan is cho adorable…”

Ruslan giggled. Dahil hawak n’ya pa ang pisngi ko ay ramdam ko nang hilahin n’ya palapit ang mukha ko. I willingly got my face closer to him and he kissed me a quick peck on the lips. Matunog pa iyon and it sounded cute. Pagkatapos ay sinilip ang mukha ko while he patted my head.

“ Vewy good.“

Natawa na lang ako. I know that he was complimenting me for a job well done that I did today. Nakuha yata sa ’kin. I always gave him praise whenever he did something good.

Ibinigay n’ya ang tab sa ’kin at nakita kong may kinuha s’ya sa table. I frowned when I saw that it was an apple.

“Your Tyotya Nalya already fed you earlier, right?” I asked, talking about Natalia. Pinakain na kasi s’ya ni Natalia while I was busy dressing up. Nahiya pa nga ako dahil alam kong mas busy s’ya as this was her fashion show but she still watched over my son.

Ruslan shook his head.

“Not fow Rwuslan .” He gave me the apple. “Big guy said apple fow Mommy.”

My frown deepened.

“Big guy?”

He nodded. Itinuro pa ang apple na hawak ko na.

“ Fow Mommy.“

“A big guy gave this apple to you?”

He giggled while nodding his head.

“ Rwio! “

“Rio? Rio gave this apple to you?”

“Rwio!” He stretched his arms up. His stance kapag gustong magkarga. And I realized that he wasn’t looking at me anymore but at someone behind me.

“Piccolo mio…”

I rolled my eyes as Rio went near my son so he could carry him. Tumayo na rin ako at humarap sa kanila. I saw Ruslan yawn as he leaned his head on Rio’s shoulders. Bigla yatang inantok ngayong komportable na.

Well, Rio has a broad chest and shoulders so Ruslan might feel comfortable leaning on it. Isa pa, palagi rin kasi s’yang kinarkarga ni Rio kaya nasanay na ang anak ko sa kanya.

Ever since I gave birth to Yeruslan, madalas na bumibisita sa amin si Rio. A year after that, Rio began going around in public with Ruslan in his arms, often I was with them, to feed the public the idea that he was Ruslan’s father. We neither deny nor confirm it whenever someone asks us, especially the media. I think it was also because Rio was keeping his promise na hindi manggagaling sa mismong bibig n’yang s’ya ang ama ni Ruslan.

However, as time went by, people began to believe it. After all, people believed what they wanted to believe, especially if it was within their comfort. They didn’t even care about the truth.

So, it became easy for us to create that rumor. Because people only love rumors and not the truth. Those good-for-nothing people are hungry for rumors. To find some flaws in the kind and angel-faced model that seemed to be perfect before.

They began criticizing me for having a son out of wedlock. Marami ang nagsabing hindi raw ako magandang impluwensya. That I didn’t suit the title of a ‘model’ as I was not a good role model for the public.

I just couldn’t get their mindset though. Hindi ko alam kung ano’ng mali sa pagkakaroon ng anak. I was of the right age. Kaya kong buhayin ang anak ko. I have money. Besides, I don’t consider my son a flaw.

Yeruslan is a gift given to me. My strength and my hope. I love my son so much.

I hated having my son in the spotlight or the public eye. But I have no other choice. I needed to let the enemies know who my son was. That he was protected by both the Bratva and Cosa Nostra. I could at least protect my son this way.

And after everything that happened, I decided to stop pretending to be someone kind and angel-like just because of my face. Hindi na rin naman bagay sa ’kin ’yon. I am not even innocent. I am a mother now. And most of all, I am not kind at all.

I got tired of trying to live up to that title. I decided to do what I wanted. I don’t care about my reputation anymore. All that matters to me is my son and how I could protect him.

“Where have you been?” tanong ko kay Rio. “You left Ruslan alone!”

He just raised an eyebrow at me. Inayos n’ya ang pagkakakarga kay Ruslan para mas maging komportable sa pagtulog ang anak ko sa mga bisig n’ya.

“I assure you I did not,” he said. “There was someone watching over him earlier. ’Sides I was watching you walk earlier. You’re still beautiful, angioletto mio .”

Rio had a smirk on his lips when he said that kaya alam kong nang-aasar n’ya. I glared at him. I made sure that he could clearly see the anger in my eyes. Kung hindi lang din n’ya karga ang anak ko ay malamang nakatanggap na naman s’ya ng sampal mula sa ’kin. He called me that knowing that I couldn’t do anything with my son in his arms.

“Don’t call me that.” I hissed. “And don’t give me an apple again. I don’t want to receive anything from you.”

Ibinaba ko pa sa table ang apple na kanina ko pa pala hawak. Nang tingnan ko si Rio ay nakita kong nakakunot ang noo n’ya.

“Apple?”

I let out an annoyed sigh.

“Pinadaan mo pa talaga kay Ruslan! Don’t think I’ll accept it because I hate everything about you!”

Rio looked confused. ’Yung tingin n’ya pa sa ’kin, parang hindi talaga maintindihan ang sinasabi ko.

“Yeliz, I haven’t given you any apples. Why would I kung alam kong ibabato mo lang naman sa ’kin?”

Natigilan ako. Iisipin ko na sanang nagdadahilan lang si Rio but he wasn’t like that. He had never given me anything unless it was needed to feed the idea of the public that he was Ruslan’s father. Or if it was because he’s the Don of the Cosa Nostra.

Isa pa, totoo naman ang sinabi n’ya. Kung sakaling s’ya nga ang nagbigay ng apple ay ibabato ko lang ’yon pabalik sa kanya.

We weren’t that close anymore. I even hated just the sight of him. Kung hindi lang talaga dahil sa anak ko, hinding-hindi ko na palalapitin si Rio sa ’kin.

“Then who gave Ruslan the apple?” tanong ko pang itinuro ang apple na nasa table.

Rio shrugged.

“Maybe it’s really from him. Gusto ka lang ibigay sa ’yo ni Ruslan.”

“But he said a big guy gave him this.” I took the apple again. “For me.”

For a moment, ilang sandali lang nakatitih sa ’kin si Rio bago lumipat ang tingin n’ya sa apple na hawak ko. He stared at it for a while, mukhang malalim ang iniisip dahil bahagyang nagkasalubong ang mga kilay n’ya.

Then his eyes lit up as if he remembered something. Bahagya pang napailing before I heard his soft chuckle.

“Ah…” There was a sly smirk on his lips that I hated so much. Para kasing may pinaplano na naman s’ya. “You know how children can be. They tend to have an… imaginary friend.”

He was chuckling when he said the last two words. Probably because he realized how ridiculous it sounded. Sinimangutan ko pa s’ya at mas lalo lang s’yang natawa that his shoulders even shook. Ruslan made a noise na parang naiinis sa paggalaw ng hinihigaan n’ya.

“Scusa, piccolo mio …” Rio tapped him gently on the back to put him back to sleep.

“Models! You can now proceed to the after-party venue.”

Napatingin kami sa organizer nang isigaw n’ya ’yon. I saw Rio look at me.

“You’re going?” he asked.

I shook my head.

“No. Ruslan needs to rest.”

“I can look after him,” he offered. “I’ll put him to bed.”

I looked at him straight in the eye.

“No, Vittorio. Ako ang mag-aalaga sa anak ko.” Pinagdiinan ko pa ang huling dalawang salita.

Rio didn’t say anything but I could see that he got offended. Alam kong madalas s’yang naiinis sa ’kin. I wasn’t holding back with my words anymore. Sinasabi ko kung anonmg gusto kong sabihin at wala akong pakialam kung mainis man s’ya.

This was nothing compared to what he did to me.

Nagpaalam na kami kay Natalia pagkatapos. The woman looked to wary to Rio, as he wasn’t smiling anymore. Nainis yata talaga sa sinabi ko kanina pero hindi ko na lang pinansin.

“Thank you for accepting my invitation, Yeliz,” she said, talking about her offer to be her model today.

“Thank you as well, Natalia. I’m sorry I couldn’t attend the after-party. My son really needs to rest.,”

She shook her head while smiling at me. She looked prettier with her smile.

“Don’t be. Take care on your way home, okay?”

Arty went with us as we went out. Ihahatid n’ya lang daw ako as his manager, but he said he would go to the after-party. Wala namang problema sa ’kin. He deserved to have fun too dahil alam kong masyado akong naging stress sa kanya lately.

He was one of the few people who knew the truth about Ruslan’s father. But I knew that I could completely trust him. He was keeping my mouth shut about my son to the public. Hindi rin s’ya nagtatanong kung ano ang totoong nangyari.

“Miss Yeliz, can you answer just one question, please?”

I heard Arty groan nang may isang reporter ang humabol sa ’min. I just smiled but continued walking. Narinig kong sinabi ni Arty na hindi ako sasagot sa kahit anong tanong ngayon.

“Lay off her!” rinig ko na ang inis sa boses bni Arty.

Pero makulit pa rin talaga ang reporter at pilit na hinahabol ako.

“Is that your son, Yeliz? Is that his father? Why haven’t you two gotten married yet? Or do you just want your son to grow up as an illegitimate child?”

I rolled my eyes. So much for one question.

“What I do with my son is none of your business,” I said and continued walking. I even heard Rio chuckle beside me.

Mukhang nagulat yata ang reporter sa naging sagot ko.

“So this is the true face of the innocent angel in the modeling industry, huh?” malakas na sabi ng reporter. “The title doesn’t suit you! You’re not really kind!”

I just smirked dahil tumigil na rin sa kasusunod ang reporter. I heard Arty groan in annoyance.

“I’m sure that there’ll be another malicious article about you, Yeliz!” my handler said. “But he’s the rude one as he involved an innocent child, so what did he expect? Of course, you’d get angry as it’s about your son’s privacy!”

“Just don’t mind him, Arty,” I said. I wasn’t really bothered by them anymore.

Pero mukhang inis na talaga si Arty.

“Then they would say that you’re not kind just because you’re defending your son and wanted to protect his privacy?”

“That’s the misconception about kind people,” Rio said. Napatigil tuloy si Arty sa pagra-rant. Mukhang nai-intimidate kay Rio. “People ought to think that they don’t get angry when being angry is one of the human traits. It’s normal for kind people to get mad because they’re human.”

I have no idea why Rio had to say that or what he was trying to achieve by that. Hindi ko na lang s’ya pinansin. Nang may pumaradang sasakyan sa harap namin ay walang salitang pumasok ako sa backseat. Rio gave me Ruslan, and I settled my son on my lap as Rio sat beside me.

“Don’t mind those good-for-nothing people, Yeliz, okay? Just rest and spend time with your son. You did really well today,” bilin sa ’kin ni Arty na hawak ang pinto ng kotse sa side ko.

I smiled at him.

“Thank you, Arty.”

I tapped my son on the back as the car moved. I knew that the driver and the man in the passenger’s seat were Rio’s men. Madalas ko silang makitang kasama ni Rio but I don’t pay any attention to them. Ang lahat ng focus ko ay nasa anak ko.

“Are you okay?” I heard Rio ask.

Bahagya akong napasulyap sa kanya pero mahinang natawa. I really can’t understand him. He had no right to worry about me.

“Of course,” I said as I looked at my son, who was sleeping soundly in my arms. “This is nothing compared to what I’ve been through.” I gave him a mocking smile. “You know that right? Because you’re one of the major reasons why my life became like this. And I fucking hate you for it.”

He didn’t say anything, but I heard him take a deep breath. I was thankful that he remained quiet. Baka mabulyawan ko lang kasi s’ya. There was an uncontrollable anger inside my chest whenever I was with him.

I just hugged my son tightly. I swear I’d do everything for Ruslan. Everything. No matter what it takes.

Even staying with the man who played with my life.

Chapter 32

Arty didn’t accept any projects for me for a while after Natalia’s fashion show so I had a lot of time lazing around with Yeruslan. My manager was so considerate to give me time to be with my son after that big project and it was really nice of him to do that. He knew that I wanted to be hands-on in taking care of my son.

I wanted to be with Ruslan always and to give him the best childhood. I wanted to be the best mother to him. I even moved out of my father’s house since the place didn’t hold many good memories for me since my mother died. So, I bought my own and just hired a housekeeper who would clean the house for a certain time of the day.

I didn’t have to do anything today but just watch and take care of Ruslan. There was a rubber mat laid around the living room and I was literally laying down on it while Ruslan was busy playing. Nakakalat ang mga laruan n’ya. Bukas din ang TV and he didn’t want me to turn it off even though he wasn’t watching the cartoon show. Iiyak pa talaga kapag sinusubukan kong patayin ang TV.

I watched Ruslan playing with his toys. He has been playing with his cars for a while now. Pinagbabangga ang dalawang hawak na kotse at hindi kinukuha ang mas malayong tumalsik. I guess he thought that the nearer one was the winner. Then he would get another car and would do the same thing again. Parang last car standing yata ang nilalatro.

He was mumbling incoherently as he played. His brows were even frowning a bit. Bahagya pang napapanguso kapag ang hindi gustong toy car ang nananalo. I think he was a bit biased while playing. May paborito. Kaya ilang beses uulitin ang pagbabanggan hanggang sa ang manalong toy car ay ang gusto n’ya. If not, even though he tried his game numerous times, doon na talaga mapapasimangot.

“I hate this car,” he said when his favorite car didn’t win this time.

“You hate it? Why?”

“Because it’s weak.” He extended his hand to me while holding the toy car. “Throw it.”

I frowned a bit.

“But we just bought it a few weeks ago. It’s new. Sayang naman kung itatapon natin agad.”

Ruslan was still frowning. Nanghahaba pa ang nguso.

“I still don’t like it.”

Napangiti na ako at bumangon para umupo. I sat on the rubber mat crossed-legged. Kinuha ko ang binibigay n’yang laruan.

“It’s the right timing then. Kazik will be here tomorrow with his mom. I could just give it to him,” I said, talking about Kazimir, Irina and Killian’s son, using his diminutive.

From my hand, mabilis na kinuha sa ’kin ni Ruslan ang toy car. He was clearly against the idea that I would give it to another kid. He loves Kaz but… Ruslan was a bit possessive over his things.

“This is mine,” he said.

Itinago ko ang ngiti ko. “I thought you wanted me to throw it away?”

“No!” Inilapit n’ya pa talaga sa dibdib ang toy car, almost hugging it, na para bang kukunin ko uli iyon mula sa kanya. “Mine.”

“You’ll still play with it? You don’t want Mommy to throw it na?”

Ruslan frowned deeply this time. Parang isang malaking problema talaga ang iniisip. Then he reluctantly nodded.

“Yes. This is mine.”

Tuluyan na akong napangiti.

“That’s good to hear.”

He went back to playing again and I couldn’t help but stare at his face. My heart ached as I did so. Ruslan got my ocean-blue eyes and fair complexion. But other than that, he got all his other features from his father.

Others would say that my son looked like me na maamo ang mukha lalo pa at ang alam nilang ama ni Ruslan ay si Rio. But it was because of our eyes that people kept on saying that. They haven’t been with Ruslan for too long. They haven’t seen his mannerisms and his expressions, especially when he’s staring or thinking of something. They didn’t know who Ruslan’s real father was.

Hindi ko alam kung naaalala pa ba nila ang palagi kong kasamang bodyguard noon. My co-models and team knew about him. But so far, wala pa namang nabubuong rumors tungkol kay Ruslan at sa dati kong bodyguard. They really think that Rio is Ruslan’s father.

Wala na akong naging balita tungkol kay Devlin after the last time we’ve seen each other. Walang ding sinasabi si Rio or even my dad about him. Or even Serj. Although I wasn’t sure if they would tell me anything.

But I think the Bratva was still looking for him. Hindi ko alam kung saan nagtatago si Devlin. I just wish that he’d remain hidden wherever he was. Kay Serj man o sa Irish mob. I still haven’t had any idea what his deal was with the Cosa Nostra, with Rio, but he best avoids the Bratva and the Irish mafia. Since I think that they would kill him once he had been found.

But wherever he is, I just hope that he’s safe. Even after what happened, I didn’t wish for his harm. And no news is good news.

Irina came to the house with Kazimir around lunchtime. We became friends and started hanging out so naturally, our sons became friends too. Naging magkalaro ang dalawa even with their three-year age gap. Naging busy na nga sa paglalaro ang dalawa kahit kararating pa lang while Irina and I were watching over them.

“Bigla ka yatang nawala nu’ng fashion show ni Natalia?” I asked while we were drinking the tea I prepared with the cake that she bought.

It turned out that Irina knew how to speak Tagalog too. Kaya kung minsan ay iyon aang gamit namin sa pag-uusap. I learned more about the language as I taught Ruslan it as well. I just think that it would help him in the future.

Napansin ko kaagad ang pamumula ng mukha ni Irina. She even looked down as if she was hoping I didn’t notice it and even tried to hide her reaction by drinking her tea. Parang doon pa lang ay may ideya na ako sa sagot sa sarili kong tanong.

“It was Killian’s fault! Sinabi ko na ngang gusto kong tapusin ’yung event as it was Natalia’s first fashion show!”

“But he took you away.” I finished her words.

She rolled her eyes but it was obvious that she was embarrassed.

“Yeah.”

I chuckled.

“You don’t have to feel guilty about it,” I said. She looked horrified when she looked at me. “I didn’t stay for the after-party too. But my reason was because of my son.”

She glared at me.

“My son was my reason too!” Pero mas lalo lang naging grabe ang pamumula ng mukha n’ya.

I wanted to say that her already having a son and making another one were two different things. But I decided to just nod my head.

“Okay. If you say so.”

I didn’t know when I began not feeling awkward about things like this. Maybe it was because of what I’ve been through. And I wasn’t innocent anymore. Devlin already took it. Among other things.

“How are you?” Irina tried to change the topic. “Are you having a hard time taking care of Yeruslan?”

I shook my head.

“Madalas n’ya naman akong sinusunod.”

We talked about our kids for a while. Irina mostly talked about Kaz in school and how glad she was that he was making friends. Parang pati tuloy ako ay na-excite kapag pumasok na rin si Ruslan sa school.

But she also told me her worries that Kaz might’ve been too… domineering for his age. Like parang s’ya na raw kasi ang nagiging boss sa klase nila. I couldn’t help but laugh at that.

“Well, what do you expect about Kill’s son?”

“I don’t know what to do.” She groaned but there was a bit of laughter in her voice. “He was just so cute before! Pero magmula nu’ng dumating si Killian…” She shook her head, unable to finish her sentence as if she really couldn’t believe it.

But she seemed happy though. Siguro kasi, it was just proof of how much the father and son bonded.

“I’m telling you! Kwim puff tastes good!” narinig naming malakas na sabi ni Kazimir.

“Kwim…?” I looked at Irina for an answer.

“Wala na s’yang lisp. Ganyan na talaga ang tawag n’ya sacream puff. Although tama naman sometimes.”

“I don’t like kwim puff !” I heard my son say.

“Try it first!” Inilapit pa ni Kaz sa bibig ni Ruslan ang cream puff. But Ruslan covered his mouth with both of his little hands. Umiiling pa.

“Kaz, that’s enough,” saway na ni Irina. “He already told you he doesn’t like cream puff.”

“He doesn’t like sweets,” I said.

Kaz had confusion written all over his face when he looked at me. As if he really couldn’t understand what I said. When he looked at Ruslan, he looked as if he was looking at some puzzle he wouldn’t be able to solve no matter how hard he tried.

I tried to conceal my laugh. Irina mentioned that cream puff was Kaz’s favorite sweet. And to have someone, most especially a kid like him, not liking his favorite confused him a lot.

“I told you…” bulong pa sa ’kin ni Irina. I just giggled at the cuteness of the two boys.

Papalubog na ang araw nang sunduin ni Killian ang dalawa. Hinatid pa namin sila ni Ruslan sa labas as the two boys were still talking about toys and what they would play the next time they would meet. Parang ayaw pa ngang paalisin ni Ruslan si Kaz, while Kaz looked like he didn’t want to go home.

But as soon as Killian got out of the car, Kaz ran up to him, leaving Ruslan standing and watching the two. Kinarga pa ni Killian ang anak.

“Did you have fun?”

Kaz nodded at his father.

“But Ruslan doesn’t like cream puff.” Parang nagsusumbong pa ang tono ni Kaz.

Killian chuckled.

“Is that so?”

Killian walked toward Ruslan with Kaz in his arms. He ruffled my son’s hair. Napahawak si Ruslan sa buhok n’ya habang nakatingala kay Killian. I couldn’t see my son’s expression dahil nakatalikod s’ya sa gawi ko.

But I noticed Killian staring down at Ruslan for a while. Then he crouched down and carried him in his arms too. I even heard Kaz giggle when he stood up while Ruslan was trying to stop his by covering his mouth with his cute little hands.

“Thank you for having us,” narinig kong sabi ni Irina sa tabi ko kaya napatingin ako sa kanya.

I smiled at her.

“Thank you for the time.”

“Next time, sa place naman namin,” she invited and I nodded.

“Sure.”

Lumapit si killian sa ’min with both of the kids in his arms. Pero mukhang wala lang ’yon sa kanya. Mukhang hindi nabibigatan kahit dalawang bata na ang hawak. I thought it was amazing as with Ruslan’s size, I couldn’t hold him in my arms for too long. Killian just nodded at me in recognition.

Yeruslan stretched his arms to me, nagpapakuha na. I took him from Killian and smiled at them.

“Say goodbye to them na, Ruslan.”

He said his goodbyes, most particularly to Kazimir. We watched them as they got inside the car. I could see my son staring really hard at those three. I really couldn’t help but see Devlin in him, especially when he was like this.

Saka lang kami pumasok sa labi when we couldn’t see the car anymore. I took care of my son after. Pinakain ko s’ya before I brushed his teeth and gave him a half-bath.

“Is Rwio my dad?”

My hands stopped as I was about to cover him with a blanket as I put him to bed. I looked at Ruslan, whose eyes mirrored mine, who were looking at me. Those innocent eyes who were expecting an answer from me. I could see my young self in those orbs who had a lot of questions but didn’t get an answer until it was already too late.

Pinagpatuloy ko aang pagkukumot sa katawan n’ya.

“No,” maikli kong sagot.

“Then who?”

His voice sounded so small and the innocence in them made my heart ache. I pursed my lips. I didn’t know what I should say to him.

“Kaz has Dad. Rwuslan does not,” he said with a small voice. I bit my lower lip when I heard a hint of soundness from him.

Inilabas n’ya ang mga kamay mula sa kumot. He played with his little fingers. Hindi makatingin sa ’kin. He was frowning a bit, as if he was really confused. Siguro ay nagtataka kung bakit may lalaking bumubuhat kay Kaz whom he called Dad. Pagkatapos ay s’ya ay wala.

Maybe that was why he was staring intently at them earlier. Lalo na noong tumakbo si Kaz papunta kay Killian para magpakarga at s’ya ay naiwang nakatayo lang.

He looked at me. I almost cried when I saw confusion in his ocean-blue eyes.

“Where’s my dad?”

I couldn’t answer that. I really couldn’t dahil hindi ko alam kung anong dapat na isagot ko. I wasn’t prepared. I wasn’t expecting na ganitong kaaga s’ya magtatanong tungkol sa ama n’ya.

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to explain everything to him. I didn’t want to lie to him as he would get even more confused if he found out the truth. He might even get mad at me for lying to him.

I said to myself that I would be the best mother to Ruslan. That I would give everything. Pero hindi ko maibigay ang sagot sa mga tanong n’ya.

Damn it. I felt so bad. This isn’t what I wanted for him. Everything was just so… complicated. I kept on pretending that it would be okay as long as I was with him and that he was safe. Pero alam kong malayo sa katotohanan ang lahat.

Ruslan must’ve been tired playing with Kaz all day kaya mabilis na nakatulog kahit maaga pa para sa usual bedtime n’ya. Bumaba ako sa sala para ligpitin ang lahat ng mga nagkalat n’yang laruan. I was really tired when I got done with everything. Pabagsak akong naupo sa sofa and I leaned my head on the headrest.

I know that it wouldn’t be the last time that Ruslan would ask me about his father. Mas magiging madalas iyon at mapaparami as he grew older. And I needed to think about what I should say to him.

Nakarinig ako ng pagbubukas ng lock ng front door but I remained in that position. I even closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

“I thought I told you not to just enter my house, Rio.”

He didn’t say anything. Binuksan ko ang mga mata ko para tingnan s’ya nang hindi pa rin inaalis ang pagkakasandal ng ulo ko sa headrest. I was too tired to move.

I found Rio staring at me. He looked too casual with his deep red button-up shirt and khaki pants. Nakabukas pa ang unang tatlong butones ng top n’ya. Nang makita n’yang nakatingin ako sa kanya ay saka lang ngumis. He flopped himself down beside me.

“Where’s Ruslan?” he asked.

“Asleep,” tamad kong sagot.

“This early?”

“Yeah. Napagod sa kakalaro with Kaz.”

“Ah. That’s why you look like you’re dying of exhaustion.”

I let out a short laugh.

“Yeah. So you have to fix yourself your own coffee.”

He frowned at me.

“It’s not like you ever fixed me one when I’m here.”

Nilingon ko s’ya. A smirk curled on my lips.

“Good thing you know.”

“I wonder where you learned how to treat a guest in your house,” bulong n’ya.

“Oh, you know I’m a good host. Except for you.”

He just chuckled.

We fell in silence for a while. Nasanay na akong palaging nasa bahay si Rio. May times na hindi s’ya nakakadalaw pero mas madalas ay nandoon s’ya. It was really awkward and irritating at first. But I couldn’t forget the fact that he was also the one who took care of me when I was pregnant with Ruslan. We went out of the country, to his place in Italy, just so I could have a peaceful and less stressful pregnancy.

Rio hid me from the public since I was a supermodel. Marami ang nakakakilala sa ’kin lalo na sa Russia. And reporters would flock over me once they spotted me pregnant. Hindi nila ako titigilan lalo pa at walang na-link sa ’kin lalaki romantically noon. They would wonder who my father’s child was.

Rio thought that it would be best for me to go to his place. Hindi na ako tumanggi as I thought that it was the best option too. I took a break from modeling. Arty took care of it. We just went back to the country months after I gave birth to Ruslan, and Rio was with me. That was when the rumor that Rio was Ruslan’s father started.

After that, Rio came and went into my house like it was his own place. Madalas nga akong naiinis pero I couldn’t really do anything about it. It was also a part of our show anyway. Nasanay na lang akong palagi s’yang nasa bahay.

“Ruslan started asking about his father,” I said after minutes of silence between us.

Napalingon sa ’kin si Rio. He even angled his body so he could fully face me. His attention was focused solely on me.

“What did you say?”

I sighed heavily.

“Nothing. Hindi ko kasi alam kung anong sasabihin ko,” I admitted.

Ilang sandaling nakatitig lang sa ’kin si Rio.

“Tell him about Devlin then.”

I scoffed.

“After he denied Ruslan when I told him I was pregnant? No.”

A soft chuckle escaped from his lips.

“You’re clearly still angry with him. Then just tell Ruslan that his father’s dead.”

Napaayos tuloy ako ng upo. I slapped him on his arm.

“No! I don’t want to lie to Ruslan! Beside… I don’t want that to happen.”

Natahimik si Rio. I could feel his heavy stares on me, almost prickling my skin. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kanya. I suddenly couldn’t look at him and I didn’t even know why. I felt like I’d done something wrong when I knew that I hadn’t. I even felt… guilty.

“You still love him.”

Mabilis akong napatingin kay Rio. Bahagya s’yang nakasimangot. He even looked pissed. I just rolled my eyes at him.

“I’m just not the kind of person who would wish for someone’s harm. That’s why even though I am still so mad at you and I want to strangle you every time I see you, still I haven’t done anything to hurt you.”

His frown just deepened.

“Bakit sa ’kin na napunta?”

“Kung ano-ano kasi ang sinasabi mo!”

He chuckled. Mukhang hindi na naiinis.

“Tell Ruslan I’m his father then.”

He just received another roll of the eyes from me.

“I’d rather tell him the truth than that.”

I really didn’t want to introduce Rio to Ruslan as his father. Or even give him the idea. That was why I kept on telling him not to believe the rumors na palagi n’yang naririnig. Nililinaw ko talaga kay Ruslan na hindi si Rio ang ama n’ya.

“Then tell Yeruslan the truth,” sabi pa ni Rio.

Naiinis ko na s’yang tiningnan. I even sighed frustratedly. Hindi ko lang alam kung saan ako mas frustrated, kay Rio ba o sa sitwasyon ko ngayon.

“You know that I can’t. It’s one of Serj’s conditions not to tell Ruslan who his real father is.”

“I didn’t know that it would really stop you.” His eyebrows were even raised.

“You’re not really helping.”

“I am offering you solutions, Yelizaveta. I’m just not aware that things like that would stop you from doing what you think is right.”

Mas lalo lang akong nainis sa kanya. Gusto ko na talaga s’yang saktan. Hindi ko alam kung anong gusto n’ya.

“So you’re suggesting that I disobey the Pakhan and ignore the very thing he said that I should do so he would spare my son from his father’s sins?”

“ Pakhan ?“ He even scoffed as if he couldn’t believe I said that word. “When did you become a part of the Bratva, Yelizaveta?”

“I am not!” I was already gritting my teeth.

“If you say so.” He even shrugged.

Hindi na talaga ako nakapagpigil at binato s’ya ng throw pillow sa sobrang inis. Walang kahirap-hirap n’ya ’yong nasalo. Mas lalo pa akong nainis nang mahina s’yang natawa.

“But you know, Yeliz… since you had Yeruslan, you started to become brave. And I even thought that you’re willing to do everything for him.”

Tumayo na ako. I just realized na wala talaga akong mapapala kay Rio ngayon. I am so tired and the last thing I wanted was his nonsense.

“Saan ka pupunta?” tanong pa talaga n’ya. He even held my wrist to stop me from walking.

Tamad ko s’yang nilingon.

“I am going to sleep since you’re not worth my time.”

He gave a short laugh. Then a sly smile formed on his lips.

“Ah… little Liza,” he said with a thick Italian accent. “Lately, you have been more… fun.”

I glared at him. Marahas kong binawi ang kamay ko mula sa kanya.

“Do not fucking dare involve me or my son in your schemes, Vittorio. I would really fucking kill you, I swear. I’d be willing to be a changed person just so I could get rid of you.”

The chuckle that escaped from Rio’s lips felt so chilling and terrifying. His smirk turned even more… wicked. His red shirt was as if it was reflecting in his eyes. The look in his eyes was of a man who was enjoying playing with his… victim.

“Then you have to get in line, Yelizaveta.”

Chapter 33

I took a deep breath but scrunched my nose immediately as chilly air poured in my lungs. I just couldn’t help it. I never thought that I would be revisiting the Romanov main house after the last. Or maybe, a part of me did, but I was just denying it because of my fear and anxiety. Going to this house again after I had Ruslan could mean that the talk would be about my son. And dread settled in my chest now that I’m actually here.

Dad just suddenly called me and told me to come here. When I asked him why, he just said that there was something that we needed to talk about in the presence of the Pakhan . His tone suggested that I should be there, as he knew that I hated being involved with the Bratva. And thinking that the talk would be about Ruslan had me going today.

I stared at the massive but traditional-looking house in front of me. It snowed last night but the driveway from the gate up to the house was already cleared. But I could see the snow piled up on top of the roof, making the house look like it just came out from the movies. I knew that it was beautiful but I really couldn’t appreciate it fully, as going here always meant that it wouldn’t be good for me.

The air felt chilly and I was wearing warm clothes. I was wearing a knitted sweatshirt and pants under the fur coat. I also had my fur hat, knitted scarf, and gloves on, but I still felt cold. Ewan ko pero simula nang ipinanganak ko si Ruslan, naging mahina na ang katawan ko sa lamig which was bad for me since Russia is a cold country.

I puffed a breath and I could even see vapor coming out of my mouth each time I exhaled. I put my hands inside the pockets of my coat and decided to go inside the house. A butler greeted me and I saw Leonid inside. Nang makita n’ya ako ay may maliit na ngiti sa mga labi n’ya nang lumapit sa ’kin.

“Yelizaveta,” he greeted.

I gave him a smile, as I was glad by what he called me. Not the usual Aslanov princess, which the rest of the Bratva knew me as, or Miss Aslanov. Just Yelizaveta. Me.

“Leonid,” bati ko pabalik sa kanya. I took off my gloves and put them inside the pockets of my coat. Hinubad ko ang coat at ang fur hat pagkatapos at ibinigay iyon sa butler. “Is my father already here?”

He gave a slight nod.

“They are waiting for you.”

Napatigil ang kamay ko sa paghuhubad ng scarf mula sa leeg ko bago iyon itinuloy. Ibinigay ko rin iyon sa butler na naghihintay.

“They? Even the Pakhan?”

“And the rest of them.”

The rest of them?

He dismissed the butler and guided me to the meeting room instead.

“So I’m late? Do you have any idea what this meeting is about?” I couldn’t hide the anxiousness in my voice. If he noticed it, he just stayed silent. “Dad didn’t tell me anything.”

“I hate to disappoint you but I didn’t have a clue as well. The moment I gave the position to my son, I let him take over everything.”

“Nikolaj is here too?” I asked.

Leonid shook his head.

“Kolya is still preoccupied with the task that the Pakhan gave to him,” he just said. His tone was telling me that I shouldn’t ask further than that.

I nodded. At least I didn’t have to worry about his presence there.

I glanced at Leonid through the corner of my eye as he walked beside me. He was the former Bratva executioner. He was the one who… tortured their captives and extracted information from them. He taught his ways to Nikolaj. And ever since I laid my eyes on his son, there was just this… unsettling feeling I could feel from him.

With Leonid walking beside me, I couldn’t feel the same. But I knew, since it was him who taught his son, that the feeling was just buried inside him… already tamed but waiting.

“We’re here.”

We both stopped in front of the closed door of the meeting room and it was the only thing that was shielding me from the danger inside. Danger, as I considered everything about the Bratva dangerous.

My smile was tight when I looked over Leonid.

“Thanks, Leonid.”

“I wish you a good day, Yelizaveta.”

I watched as Leonid walked away before I faced the door. There was nervousness in my chest but I shoved it down. I didn’t need it. I didn’t want to look like I was a scared cat cowering beneath their gaze, their predatory gaze. I didn’t need my fear, especially if this meeting would be about my son.

I mean… I just couldn’t think of anything na dapat pa naming pag-usapan. I am doing what I am supposed to do, making Rio look like he is the father of Ruslan.

Unless… this is about Devlin.

I took a deep breath. Kumatok ako ng tatlong beses. And when I heard Serj telling me to come in, binuksan ko na ang pinto.

My knees almost buckled as soon as I opened the door. There were five men in the room, one was my father, but the other four… their presence alone could actually crush someone. I suddenly wanted to clap at my old self as she managed to get through with these men around her before.

I was weak before pero nakayanan ko nang harapin sila. What more when I am now stronger as I have someone to protect?

Pumasok na ako at isinara ang pinto sa likod ko. My gaze landed at Killian first as he was practically standing with his hips leaning at the edge of the desk at the back of the room. He was smoking. Nakita ko pa ang pagbuga n’ya ng usok bago n’ya pinatay ang sigarilyo sa ashtray na nandoon nang makita ako.

“Can’t smoke around Kaz,” he said as an excuse na para bang maiintindihan ko ’yon pero tumango na lang ako.

“Take a seat, Yeliz,” Serj said, doon nakaupo sa palagi n’yang pwesto.

I sat down beside Dad as the long sofa on Serj’s left was occupied by two men I didn’t recognize. The one who was sitting near Serj was busy unwrapping something. When he was done, he gave it to the man beside him and rested his body on the sofa. While the man beside him had his eyes on me. Kanina pa as soon as I walked in, I already felt his gaze. Even when he took the thing he was given and put it inside his mouth, hindi n’ya inalis ang tingin sa ’kin. Then he started to chew.

I frowned. A gum?

“He’s from the elite group,” sabi ni Serj nang makita akong nakatingin sa dalawa. He cocked his head at the other man. “That one has the same position as your father. But he’s under Ozerov in the security group.”

I looked at the man that was in the elite group. Iyong nagbigay ng gum sa katabi n’ya. He was looking at me now but he had a lazy drawl in his light green eyes as if I wasn’t someone who would interest him. Nag-iwas din agad ng tingin at saglit nga lang akong tiningnan which was really a relief as he was a big man. With very long legs. Palagay ko nga ay hindi man lang ako aabot hanggang dibdib n’ya.

His light brown hair reached the top of his shoulders and was in a half-bun style. He has three silver hoop earrings on the lobe of his left ear and two on the helix. He even has two silver stud earrings on the top of the end of his left brow and just below his lower lip. I also noticed that he wears a lot of rings on both of his hands.

While the man beside him was still looking at me. He has pale skin and pale gray eyes. His ash blonde hair was in an undercut style. He was chewing his gum so slowly while still staring at me. But his stares made me feel so… anxious. Ibang takot ang nararamdaman ko. He seemed as if he wasn’t even looking at me but I could really feel his stares. His gray eyes were so pale that his eyes didn’t look… human.

Serj said that he has the same position as my dad. But he was working under Nikolaj in the security group. I think they already mentioned him before.

I frowned, trying to remember it.

Ah… Kozlov, one of the three powerful families in the Bratva. He’s Lev’s brother.

I almost wondered why Kozlov was working under Nikolaj. Since the Bratva is hierarchical, he shouldn’t be working under an Ozerov when his family is more powerful than them. But then, I remembered what Devlin said. It was a perfect move from the Pakhan to put the two powerful families, the Aslanov and Kozlov, to work under his two spies to make sure that they wouldn’t overpower the Pakhan.

And to think his two spies are Killian and Nikolaj. Those men were… terrifying . And violent.

They didn’t say anything to introduce themselves. ’Yung isa ay hindi na talaga ako pinansin. So I kept my mouth shut too.

“Would you like any refreshment?” tanong ni Serj kaya napunta ang atensyon ko sa kanya. Itinuro n’ya pa ang baso ng whiskey na may lamang alcohol sa harapan n’ya.

I immediately shook my head.

“No. Thank you. I just want to get over this meeting as soon as possible since my son is waiting for me at home.”

“Alone?” Killian asked.

“No. With your brother.”

Understanding dawned in his deep green eyes. He even chuckled.

“Ah… Then I guess kailangan mo ngang magmadali.”

I frowned at that but he just smirked at me. Hindi ko na lang pinag-isipan pa. Hindi ko talaga sila maiintindihang magkapatid.

“What’s this about?” I asked instead. Palipat-lipat ang tingin ko kina Serj at kay Dad. “Is there any problem? I’m keeping the end of my bargain here.”

Serj sipped on his drink. He motioned to my dad while he was still holding the glass.

“Your father has something to say.”

I looked at Dad. Raising an eyebrow at him.

“Dad?”

Dad took a deep breath. Kanina pa s’ya tahimik and it was making me nervous. And when he looked at me, there was something in his eyes that spiked up my nervousness.

“I realized that I’m getting old. I get tired very easily and I couldn’t do things I often did with ease before.”

I suddenly felt guilty. I moved out of the house as soon as I had Ruslan. Hindi ko na rin s’ya masyadong nabibisita dahil masama pa rin ang loob ko sa kanya. But he’s still my father and I should’ve been taking care of him.

“Are you sick?” Bigla tuloy akong nag-alala para sa health n’ya.

But Dad shook his head. I saw that he was glad that I was worrying about him.

“It’s just because of my age. So I figured that it’s about time to pass down my position as the derzhatel obshchaka. “

It was as if someone punched inside my chest when my heart suddenly began to beat so fast out of nervousness. Biglaan ang naging kaba ko and also the dread that is slowly clawing in my entire body. I began to feel cold as I stared at my father.

I suddenly have a bad feeling about this meeting.

So that was why Killian was here. Because Dad is the Dezhatel Obshchaka in the support group. And Killian as the Sovietnik and the second-in-command of the Pakhan , manages the support group so Dad was technically working under him.

And then someone from the Elite group was here too. And the man who has the same position like Dad but is in the security group.

Serj decided that they all needed to be here because this was about Dad passing down his position.

And me? Why the hell am I here?

“And?” Halos hindi na yata ako humihinga nang itanong ko ’yon.

Dad had something in his eyes that intensified the nervousness I was already feeling.

“I want Yeruslan Aslanov to take over my position. I’m going to start training him—”

Hindi pa s’ya tapos magsalita nang tumawa ako. I don’t know. This all felt like a joke to me.

“Are you hearing yourself, Dad?”

He blinked. Parang hindi pa makapaniwala sa naging reaction ko.

“What?”

“You seriously came up with something like that without talking to me first?” Napatingin pa ako sa mga nandoon bago ibinalik ang tingin kay Dad. “And you even called them just for this?”

“Just for this?” Dad looked as if I offended him. “The Sovietnik and the Elite group needed here. And I need the Pakhan’s permission—”

“That is not the point, Dad! Yeruslan is my son! Not theirs!”

“And that’s why you’re here! Because you also need to hear about this!”

I looked at him incredulously. There was a resolve in his eyes. As if his decision was final and he didn’t even need my opinion, or he wouldn’t accept any objections from me. Parang wala nang makakapagpabago sa isip n’ya.

So he called me here just to inform me? I didn’t hear anything about this until today! Kung alam ko lang na ito ang pag-uusapan ngayon, hindi na sana ako nagpunta!

“And you think that I’d just agree on that bullshit?”

“Yelizaveta!”

I ignored Dad’s anger. I ignored him. He disrespected me as Yeruslan’s mother. How could he think that he could make a decision for my son without talking to me first?

I looked at Serj. His eyebrows raised when he noticed the anger that I knew was obviously plastered on my face. But he didn’t seem bothered by it as he took a sip from his drink but not before I caught the smirk on his lips.

I was so fucking angry. How dare they do this to my son? Not my Yeruslan. I would do everything for him to make sure that he was safe. And being involved with the Bratva was so far from being safe.

“You approved of this?” galit kong tanong kay Serj. “Nang hindi ko alam?”

“No,” he said firmly as he sat down the glass on the center table. There was darkness in his eyes. Alam kong pinapalagpas lang ni Serj ang kabastusan ko ngayon. “Don’t just make an assumption, Yelizaveta. I told your father to inform you of his decision and since you’re here, you agreed. I was not aware that you still have no idea even now.”

Serj looked at my father. And I noticed that my dad flinched with the look that Serj gave him. There was danger in the Pakhan’s eyes, a promise that he wouldn’t let this go.

And that’s when I realized what my father did.

He already informed Serj about his decision and Serj told him to tell me about it. But Dad just called me to come today and when I agreed to come, Serj assumed that I agreed with my dad’s decision about Ruslan taking over his position. So he called over Killian and these two other men with us.

Maybe Dad thought that I would get intimidated by all these men around. Especially since they hold high positions in the Bratva. Siguro ay inakalang n’yang I would just agree under pressure. Sinadya n’yang hindi sabihin sa ’kin. He wanted to pressure me, to intimidate me so I would agree. Maybe he wasn’t expecting at all that I would act against him.

Really? After all that happened? After what they did to me? Inaasahan n’ya pa ring I would just be like the naïve girl before who didn’t know about anything and just got fooled by everyone around her? Inaasahan n’yang hindi ko magagawang ipaglaban ang anak ko?

“I am Yeruslan’s mother,” I said firmly, gritting my teeth. I was so bad that I balled my fists on my lap, my nails digging my palms. “Yeruslan is my son. No one has the right to decide for him but me.”

“Woman.”

I heard a gruff voice. Napalingon ako kung saan nanggaling iyon and I saw the big man looking at me. I was so sure that it was him who spoke. His gaze was intense. He leaned forward, leaning his elbows on his knees as he clasped his hands in front of him.

“Contrary to what you said, the Pakhan

also has the right to decide for your son. The Bratva is a family, and the Pakhan , being the head of the family, all members and their children belong to him. He has every right to decide what to do to them and anyone who dares try to go against him will be… executed.“ The corner of his lips curled for a sinister smirk. “That’s why we have someone who we call… The Bratva executioner.”

I felt a chill course through my entire body. It was a warning. Maybe he got pissed that I was disrespecting the Pakhan in front of him. And he was one of those loyal men in the Bratva.

But that just made me angrier. Thinking about Ruslan, hindi ko hinayaang kainin ako ng takot ko. I have to be strong for my son.

“And? Are you saying that you’ll manipulate my son too like how you manipulated my life?”

The man squinted my eyes at me. I saw his jaw ticked, clearly pissed. Pero tiningnan ko si Serj.

“I didn’t know anything about the Bratva and yet my entire life was controlled by you. It was a mistake to get involved by someone who betrayed the family, but maybe I could at least be wary of people if only I was told the truth. But no. You all had fun watching me being swept by the things you wanted to happen. I thought I was being protected by not knowing anything. But it was entirely the opposite.”

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. I was so angry that tears formed in the corner of my eyes. I didn’t know how to deal with this anger. I was only thought to do what they wanted, to just obey, saying that it was all for the best.

Maybe they were right. Ruslan was safe. But I didn’t know if things would still stay that way if I let them do what they wanted again this time.

“I was the naïve and stupid girl before, but not anymore. I have a son to protect. And I won’t let you touch even a single strand of his hair. You will have to kill me first.”

I saw Serj’s lips twitched. I was expecting that I would see anger in his eyes for threatening him like this. Pero hindi ko iyon makita sa asul n’yang magmata. Instead, he was swirling the glass with his one hand, the other was resting on the armrest, his finger tapping the leather surface. It was as if he was in deep thought.

“Your father’s time is up. He needed to pass down his position and I can’t let his seat be vacant if you won’t let Yeruslan take over.” Serj’s voice was quiet, contrary to the anger bubbling inside my chest.

“I don’t care. I already let myself be your tool and did what you wanted. I don’t even care who you will put in that position. Anyone. Just not my son. He’s only three for fuck’s sake!”

“Yelizaveta, enough!” Kitang-kita ko ang galit sa mukha na Dad pero galit ko rin s’yang tiningnan.

“Ruslan is my son! He doesn’t belong in the Bratva.”

“He belongs to the Bratva family as you are, woman,” the big guy said. There was a scrutinizing gaze in his eyes as he looked at me.

“Then kill me!” Napatayo na ako at galit na tiningnan ang lalaki. Sino ba ’tong lalaking ’to?! “If you think that I’d just let you do anything with my son, then no! I told you. You will have to kill me first.”

Mukhang naputol ko na ang pasensya nmg lalaki. I saw how fury registered in his eyes. His jaw moved and I thought that he would really kill me when he was about to stand up. But Kozlov, the man beside him, put a hand on his shoulder. I saw his grip as if he was trying to push him down on his seat.

“Rurik.” His voice sounded chilly. It didn’t help that he had pale gray eyes, and I was reminded of the chill from the snow outside. “Calm the fuck down.”

I saw he flopped himself back down on the sofa but his gaze was still on me. Parang inaabangan lang kung may sasabihin pa akong hindi n’ya magugustuhan and he would off me right there. But Kozlov gripped his shoulder again, Rurik’s frowned as he looked at him and shoved his hand away. Kozlov let out a chuckle, but it still sounded chilly.

I was still trying to calm myself down. I didn’t let myself feel any fear kahit na alam kong pwede akong mamatay sa loob ng kwartong ’yon. But I have to be firm. Hindi ko hahayaang pati ang anak ko ay kontrolin nila.

Napatingin ako kay Killian nang deretso s’yang tumayo at naglakad palapit kay Serj. He stood beside him and I saw him leaning down, whispering something in his ear. When he stood up again, I saw him smirking at me. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ako nakaramdam nang maganda sa ngisi n’yang ’yon.

“Yelizaveta.” Napatingin ako kay Serj nang magsalita s’ya. “I have a better offer.”

I really don’t like it when Serj offers something. O kahit anong solusyon ang naiisip n’ya. He always got the longer end of the stick while the other got the shorter one. It would seem that it was the best option but the truth is, everything just falls in his favor.

“What?” I asked cautiously.

“You said that anyone could take over your father’s position but just not your son, right?”

“Pakhan…” There was nervousness in my dad’s voice, but Serj held out his hand, stopping him.

“Yes. I won’t let you touch my son. I would do everything to protect him.”

The sly smirk that showed on his lips made me shiver. As if I just gave him the right answer. But it wasn’t good for me.

“Very well.” He tilted his head to the side. His blue eyes focused on me. “Then why don’t you take over instead?”

“ Pakhan !“ I could hear panic in my father’s voice.

“You’re the right successor anyway,” Serj continued, ignoring my dad. “I did your dad a favor by not letting you take over the position, as he said that he would continue serving the Bratva in your place. But now that his time is up and you don’t agree with your son being the next Derzhatel Obshchaka , then take over instead. I can’t let the position be vacant and vulnerable.”

Hindi ako makapagsalita. I wasn’t expecting this. I was caught off guard and I didn’t know what to do.

“ Pakhan !“ Napatayo na si Dad para makuha ang atensyon ni Serj. “Not my daughter, I beg you. I didn’t protect her all these years just for this! I can’t let her be involved directly in the Bratva by having this position!”

Napatingin ako kay Dad. There was something he said that didn’t sit right with me.

“But you would let your grandson be involved when he’s just only three years old?”

Dad looked at me. There was anger and panic in his eyes. Siguro ay iniisip n’yang tatanggapin ko ang ino-offer ni Serj.

“You are my daughter!” Dad said. “And your child… your child has the traitor’s blood!”

“Matvey Aslanov!”

If only I wasn’t so shocked with what my dad had said, matatakot ako sa galit na boses iyon ni Serj. He didn’t shout, but the rage and savagery in his voice were so obvious that it vibrated throughout the whole room. My father stilled, clearly terrified with how the Pakhan said his name. While I saw Killian chuckling as if everything that was happening was so amusing to him.

“We already put aside that fact the moment Yeliz and I made a deal. Yeruslan has nothing to do with Alexeev anymore. He is an Aslanov and is protected by the Bratva and the Cosa Nostra.” I noticed Serj’s jaw clenched. “Or are you going against my words?”

“N-no… Of course not, Pakhan . But my daughter—”

“I told you to get Yeliz’s permission as Yeruslan is her son. But you went on and fooled me, fooled the Elite group, fooled the Sovietnik by setting up this meeting, making us think that you got Yeliz’s permission. I don’t tolerate impudent people and anyone who insults the Bratva, Matvey.”

There was a warning in Serj’s voice kaya hindi na ako nagtaka nang maramdaman ko ang takot mula kay Dad.

“I… I made a grave mistake, Pakhan .”

“Sit the fuck down and let your daughter speak and make the decision.”

My father chose the right thing not to say anything and went back to his seat.

“Yeliz.”

Napatingin ako kay Serj.

“Y-yes?”

“I want you to sit down as well.”

Mabilis akong umupo.

Serj took a sip of his drink. Tahimik ang buong kwarto, waiting for the head to gulp down his drink. Na para bang malaking kasalanan kung may magsasalita ngayon. His rage could still be felt in every corner of the room.

So this is Serj’s power. His authority. The head of the Bratva. The Pakhan .

“My offer still stands, Yeliz,” sabi ni Serj nang ibinaba na ang inumin.

I blinked. He was waiting for me to say something. It took me a while before my mind went back to what he just offered me.

Napatingin ako sa mga taong nandoon. All of them were men, and the others who I knew were members of the Bratva too were men. Kaya hindi ko inaasahan ang offer na ’to ni Serj.

“Are women allowed to have positions in the Bratva?” I asked.

“Traditionally, no,” Serj said casually. “They have different roles, more often socially, building our reputation with their talks. But women now control financial resources. And I’m the Pakhan now and if you will take my offer, I will appoint you as the next Derzhatel Obshchaka .” He looked at the two men beside him. “Do you have any objection?”

Rurik’s eyes went on me, as if he was studying me. I could see that he was calculating the circumstances, and I was actually surprised that he was considering me in that position despite our argument earlier.

“Perhaps her fiery mouth can be useful in the Bratva.” He shrugged.

Oh, I hate this man.

“I don’t mind,” Kozlov’s said. His tone was casual. “I can also teach her since we will be in the same position.”

No. Ayoko. Something tells me that there is something wrong with this man as well. Hindi lang halata.

“Well?” tanong sa ’kin ni Serj.

“What about when I have to pass down the position too? It will just be the same if I just let Yeruslan take over since he is my son.” Deretso ang tingin ko kay Serj.

“I’ll make a decision with the elite group.”

“So it won’t be Yeruslan?”

Serj gave me a polite but calculated smile.

“If you’ll accept my offer.”

I couldn’t say anything. I don’t know. This was all… huge and too much for me. Taking over the position from Dad when I didn’t know anything about the Bratva? I couldn’t even hold a gun and know how to use it! Or punch or what to do if I would face an enemy! I mean, I should know about that, right? Pero hindi ako naturuan because I had a bodyguard to protect me!

The very same bodyguard who was the reason kaya nandito ako sa position ngayon but he was nowhere to be found.

I was that gilded bird before, and now… this?

“You could take your time, Yelizaveta,” sabi ni Serj. Nahalata na yatang nahihirapan akong mag-isip. “Take your time and think about my offer.”

“I… I don’t know.” I felt like… I just caught in a trap. Again.

“As I’ve said, take your time. You can go home now to your son and rest. But once you come up with a decision, you can always contact me.”

He was dismissing me. Hindi ko na pinaglagpas ang pagkakataong ’yon as I wanted to get away from there fast. I suddenly felt suffocated.

“Matvey, stay here. We have something to talk about.”

“Yes, Pakhan .”

Tumayo na ako at mag-isang lumabas ng kwartong ’yon. I was dazed when I went inside the car to go home. Kung ngayon pa nga lang ay gusto ko nang makatakas sa lugar na ’yon, what more if I accepted Serj’s offer?

I don’t know. It feels like everything about the Bratva isn’t good for me. If only I had the chance not to get involved with them, but I could still protect my son…

It was only when I got out of the car and felt the chilly air that I remembered that I left my coat, scarf, gloves, and fur hat at Romanov’s. Hindi ko na naalala as my mind was too preoccupied.

I parked the car in the driveway in front of the house. It was only when I was walking to the lawn that I noticed that Ruslan was at the door. There was a man kneeling down in front of him. I thought it was Rio at first but… he had a different physique.

Anxiousness suddenly gripped my chest.

“Ruslan!”

Napatingin sa ’kin si Ruslan. He smiled when he saw me and he raised his hand that was holding an… apple.

“Mom! Apple from big guy again!”

“Go inside!” I was a few steps away from them and my feet suddenly froze. Nanginig ang katawan ko sa kaba at takot. “Go inside, Ruslan! Now!”

He had confusion all over his face. Siguro ay dahil sa expression ng mukha ko o sa panic sa boses ko. But he thankfully did what I said and went inside. But not before thanking the man in front of him.

I was breathing heavily. The cold air felt so painful to breathe, making my head ache. I could feel the chill prickling on my exposed fingers and face. Pero hindi iyon ang dahilan ng sobrang panginginig ko ngayon.

The man was still kneeling down even if Ruslan wasn’t in front of him anymore. He had his back facing me. He was wearing a fur hat and a winter coat with a hood with fur kaya medyo natatakpan ang mukha n’ya. But… I had the feeling that I knew this man.

Suddenly, he stood up. His height… I knew someone who was that tall as him.

Then he turned my way, and I finally saw his face, recognizing him.

“Devlin…”

Chapter 34

I just stared at Devlin standing a few steps away from me, drinking him in. For a moment, I thought that this wasn’t real. That because I was just thinking about him earlier, he materialized right in front of me. But the cold that was prickling my skin and the cold air I was breathing that hurt my lungs were enough to tell me I wasn’t imagining this.

He wore a black fur hat and a black coat with fur on its hood. He was even wearing a black knitted scarf but I could also see the black sweatshirt and pants dahil nakabukas ang coat n’ya. His gloves were even black too. Everything he was wearing was black just like how I’d first seen him before.

His dark eyes were just trained on me. I could even see how those orbs traveled slowly down my body na para bang gusto n’yang kabisaduhin ang lahat ng parte ng katawan ko. Or maybe he was just looking to see if anything had changed in me.

I shivered and I didn’t know if it was because of the cold or the intensity of his gaze. I let out a shuddered breath that created vapor as I exhaled before my body went rigid when I saw Devlin take a step towards me.

I should move. I shouldn’t let him be anywhere near me. But my feet stay rooted in place na parang bang nagyelo na iyon dahil sa lamig. And I couldn’t do anything but just watch Devlin as he walked towards me with his eyes holding my gaze before he stopped with only a step away from me.

For a while, walang nagsasalita sa ’min. Nakatitig lang si Devlin sa mukha ko. His dark eyes, even darker than black, were once what I thought were like a void and would suck anything in to relieve their emptiness. But now, they held emotions in them as he stared at me.

He took a deep breath before he removed his scarf and wrapped it around my neck. Pinanood ko lang s’ya kahit nang hubarin n’ya ang fur hat at isinuot iyon sa akin. Even when he removed his coat and put it on my shoulders, tugging the opening close so it would wrap my body and give me warmth. A warmth that was mixed with the clothes that could offer and with his body’s warmth as he just took them off from him.

“You’re not warm enough,” he said with every word creating a visible vapor in the air.

I stared at his face as he removed his gloves. His eyes looked tired, and now that he was only wearing his sweatshirt and pants, he looked cold as well. But he gave no indication that he was bothered by the cold. It was only with his every exhale that gave me a hint of what he felt.

He had days of stubble on his jaw. His hair was longer than the last time I saw him, and some strands were now reading his cheekbones. He looked rugged. As if he spent those years that I hadn’t seen him in agony.

A bubble of anger started stirring in my chest.

How dare he look exhausted? How dare he look as if he suffered in all those years when he was the one who left me?

I can still remember those times when I was still pregnant with Yeruslan and I couldn’t control my emotions. How I longed for him. How I cried in my sleep every night, alone in my room, while caressing the bump on my belly as I thought of him. I didn’t want to cry in front of Rio, as I was so mad at him that I would lock myself inside the room that he provided for me and cry myself to him. And how even though he broke my heart, in those moments of weakness, I still wanted to see him and begged him to come back to me.

Devlin took my hands. My fingers were numb because of the cold, and he tried to put on his gloves on me. But I yanked my hands away from him, and the movement slapped the gloves from his grip, and they fell to the ground. I took off the fur hat and shoved it on his chest.

“I don’t need these.” Ang scarf naman ang hinubad ko at halos itapon ko na ’yon sa kanya. “I don’t need anything from you.”

I took off his coat and threw it to him. Hindi man lang n’ya sinalo ang mga iyon. He just let it fall on the ground, and I noticed that he was still staring at me. Para bang ayaw n’ya alisin ang tingin sa ’kin kaya hindi na n’ya pinagkaabalahang pulutin ang mga nasa lupa.

“How have you been, Yelizaveta?” he asked. His tone was casual, but there was something in his voice that he was trying to hide but was slipping out. I ignored it and glared at him.

How dare he act like this. As if we parted on good terms. As if he hadn’t said that he didn’t care about my pregnancy.

As if he hadn’t hurt me.

“Why are you here, Devlin?” My voice shook with so much anger. “Bakit nagpakita ka pa? And why were you with my son?”

“He is my son too.”

A surprised laugh escaped from my lips. I was so mad na idinaan ko na lang sa tawa ang galit na nararamdaman ko.

“Funny. I remember clearly when you told me that you didn’t even care about it when I told you that I was pregnant.”

I saw his jaw ticked. His eyes became more intense, as if he wanted to drill straight into my soul. But I held his gaze. I even tilted my chin up. Hindi na ako magpapaapekto sa kanya. Hindi ko na ulit hahayaang saktan n’ya pa ako.

I wouldn’t let him hurt my son.

“You have no right to go anywhere near him,” I said between my gritted teeth. “The moment you walked out on me in that room and left me with your woman, nawalan ka na ng karapatan sa anak ko.”

A frown formed on his forehead.

“My woman?”

I rolled my eyes. Mas lalong dumodoble ang galit ko nang maalala si Fiadh. I have no idea what happened to her when Vis took her away. But I was sure that Serj had a plan for her.

“Go away, Devlin! ’Wag ka na ulit lalapit kay Ruslan. He is not your son.”

His eyebrows twitched. Nakita ko kung paano rumehistro ang galit sa mga mata n’ya.

“You must’ve been having a good time introducing your long-time crush as our son’s father, huh?”

I glared at him. Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili kong lumapit sa kanya. I stepped on the clothes on the ground as I shoved Devlin’s chest with my hands. It made me angry when he didn’t even move an inch.

“Do you think I have a choice?” I shoved him again. Mas malakas. Napaatras s’ya ng isang hakbang and it gave me satisfaction. “With the Bratva and the Irish mafia hunting you down, I could only protect Ruslan under the protection of Cosa Nostra! I didn’t have a choice but to accept Serj’s condition so he would spare him because of your betrayal!”

“I know! Why do you think I have been staying away after all these years?”

Napakurap ako. Nagulat sa galit na narinig sa boses n’ya. Minsan lang s’ya magpakita ng ganitong galit sa ’kin. The first time was when we’d last seen each other when he even told me to shut up.

I could even see the anger in his eyes, which made them even darker. But there was also pain in them that I couldn’t understand. And it was making me mad. He had no right to look hurt as if he didn’t cause any of this!

I took a deep breath. I clenched my teeth as I looked at him with hatred in my eyes.

“Then keep doing it. You’re doing a good job at staying away, Devlin.”

I started to walk away. Tinalikuran kop na s’ya at naglakad na papunta sa pinto ng bahay ko. Pero nakakailang hakbang pa lang ako nang maramdaman ko ang paghaklit ni Devlin sa braso ko. He pulled my arm, and the force had me turn to face him again. I almost stumbled on my feet, but he held my other arm to keep me in place.

When I looked at Devlin, I saw that there were so many emotions dancing in his eyes. But he looked like he was having a hard time deciding on what to say next as he stared at me. He was even frowning, and it was as if he couldn’t tell me anything kaya sobra s’yang nahihirapan ngayon.

“I have to do that to protect you,” he said. He was breathing hard na para bang kahit iyon ay nahihirapan s’ya. “I have to stay away to protect you both.”

I frowned at him. What the hell is that? Sa tingin n’ya talaga ay maaalis no’n ang ginawang kasalanan n’ya? Sa tingin n’ya talaga ay mapapatawad ko s’ya at hahayaang makipaglapit kay Yeruslan nang gano’n lang?

“We don’t need your protection, Devlin. The Cosa Nostra and the Bratva are already doing that. And Serj will give me power too so I can protect my son.”

He stilled. There was an emotion passed in his eyes, but it was too quick for me to confirm kung tam aba ang nakita ko.

Was that fear? Or nervousness?

“What do you mean?”

I exhaled harshly. I didn’t want to talk to him about this lalo pa at wala na talaga akong planong maging konektado pa sa kanya. But he was holding my arms firmly, making sure that I wouldn’t walk away.

“Serj offered me to take over my dad’s position,” I said. “Kapalit ni Yeruslan.”

He looked surprised for a moment. Parang hindi pa nga mapaniwalaan ang sinabi ko. Then his eyes searched for something on my face. Maybe looking to see if I was telling the truth. When he found the confirmation, nakita ko ang kakaibang galit sa mga mata n’ya. His face even contorted in anger, which surprised me as it was the first time I had seen him so furious.

“Tell me you didn’t accept his offer,” he said darkly. “Tell me you refused it, Yelizaveta!”

I flinched. I couldn’t understand why he was so mad like this.

“What is it to you? Ano bang pakialam mo?! You left me, Devlin!”

“Fuck!”

Humigpit ang hawak n’ya sa mga braso ko na para bang hindi na n’ya mapigilan ang galit n’ya. But he released me quickly, as if he knew that it would hurt me if he kept on holding me. Instead, he raked his fingers on his hair frustratedly. I could see how he was trying to calm himself down by taking fast and deep breaths pero mukhang nahihirapan pa ring pakalmahin ang galit n’ya.

“ Yebanoye der’mo! “ He cursed. Paulit-ulit. “Oni chertovski lgali mne!”

I flinched with every curse that he screamed. But there was something in his voice. He sounded in pain. He sounded helpless. And I couldn’t do anything but watch him. He even looked up and groaned in frustration.

What the hell is happening? He said that they lied to him. Sino? And why did he look so angry when I told him kung anong napag-usapan namin ni Serj kanina? Mas nagalit pa s’ya tungkol doon kaysa sa si Rio ang ipinakilala kong ama ni Ruslan.

He looked at me. There was regret in his eyes. But also fury. Nagtatalo ang dalawang emosyon na ’yon sa mga mata n’ya.

“They told me that they would leave you alone,” he said. “They told me that if I—”

He made a visible gulp. His Adam’s apple bobbed, telling me na kahit ang paglunok ay nahihirapan s’ya. He ran his fingers on his hair again as his jaw clenched.

And I was just watching him. Surprised. Confused. I had never seen him with these many emotions before, especially the emotions of being powerless. Devlin always keeps everything to himself and it gave me the idea that he had everything under control. That there was nothing to worry about as he would handle everything. Kaya nga hindi ko inaasahan na nasasaktan n’ya ako nang ganoon dahil s’ya madalas nagsasabi sa ’kin.

I even found out things about him from other people. He didn’t tell them to me himself and it made me realize that I fell in love with him even though I knew little of him. It was fine by me. Dahil ayoko rin naman s’yang pilitin magsabi sa ’kin kung hindi pa s’ya handa. Until he hurt me.

But now… I was surprised by the frustration and many kinds of emotions dancing in his eyes and some were even etched on his face. Na para bang hindi na n’ya kinayang itago ang mga emosyon as he was already in turmoil.

“What’s happening, Devlin?” hindi ko na napigilang itanong.

I have a feeling that it had something to do with me. Na may hindi na naman ako nalalaman kahit na may kinalaman iyon sa ’kin. And I refused to be the same naïve and clueless girl before. I had to know whatever this was about.

“What the hell are you talking about?” I asked. “What do you mean they lied to you?”

He looked at me. He looked really torn. Parang pinag-iisipan kung sasabihin ba sa ’kin o hindi. He opened his mouth, but he closed it again. He pursed his lips as if he was controlling himself not to say anything.

“Tell me!” sigaw ko na. I knew there was something again that I didn’t know! Fuck! How long would they make me look like a stupid little girl?! “Who lied to you? What the fuck is happening?”

I heard the sound of the door being opened. Pero hindi ko pa rin inalis ang tingin ko kay Devlin. So, I saw how his expression shifted from vulnerability to stoney. Nawalan ng kahit anong ekspresyon ang mukha n’ya that it made me wonder if what I’ve seen before weren’t real.

“Alexeev—” It was Rio. “Yelizaveta. You’re early.”

I turned around. Nakita ko si Rio na nakatayo sa may pintuan. A frown was forming on his forehead, which deepened the longer he stared at Devlin and me.

“What the hell are you both doing outside wearing thin clothes?” Then his gaze went down. “In case none of you know, you’re supposed to put on the coat on you and not on the ground .”

“Rossetti.” Devlin almost growled his name. Mas lalong napakunot ang noo ni Rio nang mahalata ang galit ni Devlin.

“You bought your son another apple,” he just said.

“You fucking lied to me!” Galit na humakbang palapit si Devlin kay Rio. “You all fucking fooled me!”

“What in the fucking world are you talking about?” Rio looked so confused. Tumingin pa sa ’kin na para bang alam ko kung bakit nagkakagano’n si Devlin.

“Romanov offered her the position of derzhatel obshchaka !”

Rio’s eyes snapped back at Devlin. Any amount of humor slipped out of him. Seryoso ang mga mata n’yang tinitigan si Devlin bago tumingin sa ’kin.

“Is that true?” he asked.

Wala sa sariling napatango ako.

“He offered in exchange that they would not let Ruslan take over instead.”

“Hmm…” Rio seemed to ponder over things, nodding. “Did you accept it?”

I was about to answer but frowned instead. Ayoko silang sagutin hangga’t wala akong alam kung anong nangyayari.

“You fucking said that if I just do what you want, you won’t touch them,” Devlin said angrily, saving me from answering. “You both fucking lied to me!”

Rio took a deep breath. Deretso s’yang tumingin ay Devlin. He wasn’t even bothered by the fury in Devlin’s eyes and how his fists were clenching on his eyes as if he was seconds away from punching him.

“I admit this is beyond me,” Rio said casually. “I was not expecting Romanov to offer her that.”

“Lies! I know what a bastard you both are! You fucking get off by playing and manipulating people around you!”

I saw Rio’s jaw clenched. Mukhang hindi nagustuhan ang sinabi ni Devlin.

“I am keeping my word, Alexeev. Why do you think I let you see your son and even talk to him?”

I gasped. Hindi ako makapaniwala sa narinig ko.

“What the fuck did you say?” Galit akong lumapit sa kanila. “Hinayaan mong lapitan n’ya ang anak ko? You did that behind my back?!”

Rio closed his eyes and took a deep breath as if he was trying to calm himself. Nang dumilat ay seryoso ang mga matang tumingin sa ’kin.

“Why don’t we take this inside? It’s cold. Mahina ka pa naman sa lamig.”

“I don’t want you both in my house!”

Rio exhaled a harsh breath.

“My patience is wearing thin, Yelizaveta. It’ll be better that we all go inside where we can talk properly.”

I glared at Rio. He was doing it again, acting like who he really was. Don Rossetti of Cosa Nostra. And I hated it when he was being like this. Na para bang kayang-kaya n’ya akong pasunurin kapag ganoon. Because he has the power and he has a hold on me.

“I will tell you everything you need to know,” he said. Nahalata siguro ang galit ko.

Ilang sandali akong nag-isip. I couldn’t trust him. I couldn’t trust anyone around me. They all used me. They all hurt me. They all played with my life. They all manipulated me.

But I knew I needed them so I could finally learn about everything. I need to know what’s happening for the sake of Ruslan. So, I could protect my son properly. Mahihirapan akong protektahan s’ya kung wala akong alam sa lahat.

I looked at Devlin and saw him already staring at me. He held my gaze. I didn’t want him near Ruslan. I didn’t want him anywhere near me. Ayoko na ulit s’yang papasukin sa buhay ko.

“You need to talk to Alexeev as well,” sabi ni Rio na para bang alam kung anong iniisip ko. “He can explain better what really happened. I also think it’s about damn time you both talk.”

I glanced at Rio before looking back at Devlin. He was still staring at me. Intensely. And those dark eyes were stirring something inside me. I couldn’t believe that his stares still had those effects on me.

But I pushed it all down. I refused to let myself be affected by him again.

“Fine,” I said before glaring at Devlin. “Pero ’wag mong lalapitan ang anak ko.”

Nauna na akong pumasok sa loob. I heard the two men walking inside before the sound of the door closing.

“You know, when I signed up for all of this, I wasn’t expecting that I would be babysitting three kids.”

“Shut up!”

I turned around to glare at Rio. But my gaze caught Devlin’s instead. Nakatitig pa rin s’ya sa ’kin. Parang hindi na nagawang alisin ang tingin at gusto na lang akong panoorin.

I just rolled my eyes at him.

Chapter 35

As soon as Yeruslan saw me when I walked inside, he threw the toy he was just playing with, stood up from the rubber mat, and ran toward me. He looked so happy when I carried him in my arms, and I felt bad dahil hindi ganito ang pagsalubong ko sa kanya kanina when he was still outside with Devlin. I just got… overwhelmed when I saw Devlin again.

“You missed Mommy?” I asked as I kissed him on the cheeks. He giggled and kissed me back, even cupping both of my cheeks as he did so.

“ Mith chuu .“

I chuckled. He was still having a hard time pronouncing S, but I could still understand him. Gano’n yata talaga kapag naging ina. You would still be able to understand your child kahit gaano pa kabulol ang pananalita nila.

“Have you been good while Mommy’s gone?”

“ Yeth… Rwuslan ith good.“

I smiled widely and brushed his hair. Wala sa sarili akong napatingin sa gawi nila Rio and I saw that Devlin was staring at me. Lumipat ang tingin n’ya kay Ruslan na pinaglalaruan na ang dulo ng buhok ko and there was something in his eyes that made my heart ache. I decided to ignore it and cleared my throat.

“Let’s have our talk over there.” I cocked my head in the direction of the dining area.

“What about Ruslan?” Rio asked. When Ruslan heard his name from him, my son stretched his hands, nagpapakarga sa kanya. “I can take him to your room if you want,” sabi ni Rio na kinuha mula sa ’kin si Ruslan.

“No,” mabilis na sagot ni Devlin. He had a frown on his forehead as he stared instantly at Rio. Parang nagagalit pero sinusubukang hindi ipakita. “He can just stay here. Let him play. Just lock the door so he can’t go outside.”

I looked at Rio as I was so sure that he wouldn’t like being bossed around by the ex-brigadier of the Bratva. He often pointed out to me that he is the Don of the Cosa Nostra whenever I forgot my place kaya inaasahan ko na ang hindi magandang reaksyon mula sa kanya sa sinabi ni Devlin.

But I found amusement instead. There was even something in his eyes. Something wicked, and I knew that he found something entertaining again. He clutched Ruslan’s body, hugging him, and even placed a kiss on his head while still looking at Devlin.

I glanced at Devlin and saw his jaw clenched. His fists were balled on his sides. Nairolyo ko ang mga mata ko and I finally understand what Rio was trying to achieve.

“Rio, put Ruslan down,” I said. “Maglalaro na lang s’ya here while we’re talking.”

Rio stared at Devlin for a while, and there was a smirk on his lips before he looked at me.

“If that’s what Mommy wants,” he said as he finally put my son down on the rubber mat again.

Shit. I forgot how Devlin hated Rio even before. Maybe it was a bad idea to put them in the same room.

“Mommy!” Yeruslan called me. “Apple from big guy!”

I looked at him and saw him holding out the apple for me. Wala sa sarili akong napatingin kay Devlin na noong una ay nakatingin din kay Ruslan bago lumapit ang tingin sa ’kin. I quickly looked away and smiled at my son.

“You can have it, baby.”

“Mommy eat too!”

My smile faltered.

“It’s alright. I’m not hungry.”

Ruslan pouted pero hindi na ako pinansin at sinimulang kainin ang apple na hawak n’ya. I knew that it was from Devlin. I saw him giving it to Ruslan earlier. I knew that he was also the big guy who kept on giving apples to Ruslan.

I lead the way to the dining room. Tahimik na sumunod naman sa ’kin ang dalawang lalaki. I took the chair on the head of the table while the men took the chair from either of my sides. Nasa kanan ko si Rio at si Devlin naman sa kaliwa.

“Won’t you offer us any refreshment?” tanong pa talaga ni Rio and I gave him the look that I was annoyed.

“Why would I? You are both unwanted guests. You don’t deserve my hospitality.”

“Hey! I took care of Ruslan while you were gone,” natatawang sabi pa ni Rio.

“And your job is done. You can leave if you want.”

“Would you like me to?” He shrugged. “Well… Alexeev could pretty much tell you everything. You want to talk with him alone, then?”

I absentmindedly looked at Devlin, and I hated the idea that my eyes seemed to always be looking at him as if it were an automatic response from me. I could tell that he liked the idea of me and him talking alone and that he even wanted to get rid of Rio.

But the last thing I wanted today was to be alone with Devlin. And Rio knew that. He was playing with me again. He’s always playing the kind of game that will entertain him. And right now, Devlin and I are his chosen players.

I glared at Rio instead but he just chuckled.

“I think Alexeev would like that,” the asshole even said.

“I really fucking hate you.”

“I’m well aware, angioletto mio …”

“Rossetti, enough.” Nagulat ako sa biglang pagsasalita ni Devlin. “Stop playing your fucking games with her.”

Rio looked at Devlin. There was something dangerous in his eyes. He even gave him a taunting smirk.

“Hmm… An exiled brigadier reprimanding the Don of Cosa Nostra. I can’t tell if it’s courageous or an… idocity.”

And there it is…

Pero mukhang hindi man lang naapektuhan si Devlin. He even gave Rio a hard stare.

“I don’t care if you’re the Godfather. I only care about Yelizaveta.”

“Godfather.” Rio scoffed. “I still believe that it should be my brother in this position.”

“Stop, both of you. We’re getting off the track.” I looked at Devlin. “I don’t need your protection. You already had your chance but you blew it.” Tumingin na ako kay Rio bago ko pa makita ang naging reaksyon ni Devlin. “And you. Isa pang pang-iinis mo, paalisin ko na kayong dalawa dito sa bahay.”

“Bakit pati ako?” Devlin asked and if we were in a different situation, baka natawa na ako sa unfairness na nakikita ko sa mukha n’ya.

“You’re only here because of Rio. I have this idea that you’re both in on something at iyon ang gusto kong malaman. Rio could confirm that.”

“I never lied to you. Ever.”

“I don’t trust you.”

I saw Devlin flinch as if my words struck him. But he took a deep breath and stared at me intensely.

“And you believe him? He played you.”

“Well… he did a good job taking care of Ruslan.”

He looked at me as if he couldn’t believe what I said. Nakikita ko rin ang sakit sa mga mata n’ya.

“And I could’ve too!”

“But you didn’t. You left us!”

“You think that’s what I fucking wanted? You think I wanted to leave?”

“I don’t know, Devlin! Hindi ko na alam kung anong paniniwalaan ko tungkol sa ’yo! You never told me anything about you!”

“I did! I bared myself to you! Sinagot ko ang lahat ng mga tanong mo tungkol sa ’kin!”

“But it wasn’t enough!” I was so fucking angry I couldn’t stop raising my voice. “You should’ve told me everything I need to know! Kasi pagkatapos ng lahat? Na-realize kong hindi pa pala kita kilala, Devlin. I barely know who you are. You’re like a stranger to me.”

I noticed the lump on his throat bobbing as if he just swallowed tons of needles, and it pained him. Nakita ko rin ang hindi mapantayang sakit na bumalatay sa mukha n’ya. And it was like seeing the new version of him. Hindi ako sanay na ganito s’ya.

My stoic bodyguard showed me a lot of emotions in less than an hour. And if anyone would tell me na hindi si Devlin ang kaharap ko ngayon, I’d probably believe them.

“I know…” Devlin said softly. “I know I should’ve done that, but… I had no other choice.”

I stared at him. Hindi ko inalis ang tingin ko sa kanya. I… wanted to see every bit of his reaction. It was as if he was finally showing the real him.

“You always have a choice, Devlin. But on this one? You chose not to tell me anything.”

He winced as if my words physically hurt him. He even pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger, and I realized that he was trying to hide how much my words hurt him by covering his face.

I gritted my teeth as I felt a sting inside my chest. I didn’t want to feel anything toward him. I decided that I was over him a long time ago. But seeing him, now that he was in front of me, I couldn’t stop my emotions. I couldn’t stop the memories playing in my mind, even if I didn’t want to. Memories when I was the happiest with him.

He was the one who made me taste freedom. I felt free with him. Our relationship might’ve been a secret, but… it made me feel free. That I wasn’t just a bird in a gilded cage. That I could be happy too and fly freely as he helped me spread my wings. That I was someone worth the entire world.

But then he hurt me. And I was never the same again.

“As much as this lover’s quarrel entertains me and I wanted to watch more, I have to intervene,” Rio finally said, and I had to glare at him. “Yeliz, Devlin’s telling the truth. We told him not to tell you anything.”

I frowned.

“We?”

Rio nodded.

“Your father, Romanov, and me.”

I let out a hollowed laugh.

“So, you three did play with my life.” I already knew about that. Wala nga silang sinabi sa ’kin. They only told me something nang magkagulo na ang lahat. But it wasn’t everything I needed to know.

Rio shrugged too casually.

“Perhaps it was for my entertainment. But I do think your father just wanted to spare you from the… complicated world of the Bratva.”

I almost rolled my eyes. They wanted me to understand that, but not telling me anything was not a way to protect me. Mas lalo pa nga akong napahamak dahil doon!

“Hindi n’ya ba naisip na dahil anak n’ya ako, there would be a huge chance that I would get involved?”

“Maybe he was afraid that you would share the same fate with your mother,” Rio said. “You see, Yelizaveta, your mother got deeply involved with the Bratva. You might not remember as you were still young at that time, but your mother was the one who took care of Aslanov’s financial assets. She got in charge of the obochek , which is Bratva’s term for money mafia, right? She also got in charge of widening Aslanov’s influence in society. She was a good wife for the Derzhatel Obshchaka . Unfortunately, it was also because of that that she met such a tragic fate.”

I think I wasn’t breathing anymore. This was probably the first time that someone talked about my mom without minding how I would feel. And I was glad that it was Rio because I knew that he wouldn’t filter his words no matter how much the truth would hurt me.

My mind was working. Some of the dots were finally being connected with the things they’d told me before.

“The Alexeevs killed your mother so the Aslanov’s influence wouldn’t expand anymore,” Rio continued. “They also planned to kill your father that night, but they obviously failed. And that’s how everything became complicated.”

I tried so hard not to look at Devlin.

“Why would they… do that? Why would they want to kill my parents?”

Rio’s lips curled into a smirk. His eyes were full of mystery.

“You are smart, angioletto mio . I know you already know the answer. Tell me…”

I wanted to tell him not to call me by that pet name again. But I was too caught up with the truth that was finally being spread in front of me. I didn’t want to lose it.

My heart was beating so loudly in my chest. And I think… I think I was even trembling as I could feel Devlin’s stare at me, so I hid my hands under the table.

“They…” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “They wanted to take my dad’s position.”

There was pride in Rio’s smile.

“Yes… Anton Alexeev was just a brigadier. But he knew that if the Pakhan would want someone to take over your dad’s position once he died, it would be him. You were still too young at that time for that position, Yeliz. Maybe Romanov would hand them the position for a while and would give it back to you when you came to an age. Still, Alexeev was fine with that. He just needed to take over your dad’s position even if it was just for a while.”

“Why?” I frowned. “Bakit s’ya papayag kung ibibigay din naman ni Serj sa ’kin ang position?”

“To execute his plan, of course.”

“What plan?”

“To overthrow the Bratva. To defeat them.” It was Devlin who answered this time. “My parents were working with the Irish mob, together with Balakin. They were both Bratva’s brigadiers at that time.”

Balakin… that was the man who tried to kidnap me.

When I looked at Devlin, there was anguish in his dark eyes that was mixed with guilt. No. The guilt was much more evident. I could clearly see it. And this time, Devlin didn’t even try to hide his emotions.

“You knew about it?”

“I didn’t at first,” he said. “But I remembered that my parents told me that I should learn how to lead people. They trained me with the thought that I would be a leader someday.”

Noong una ay nakatitig lang ako sa kanya. Devlin looked as if he told me the entire truth with those words, and he was waiting for me to understand everything. My frown deepened. Then I gasped. My eyes even widened at hindi makapaniwalang napatingin ako kay Devlin.

“They wanted you to become the Pakhan ,” I said, almost a whisper dahil hindi ko nakayanan ang realization na ’yon.

“A true abomination,” Rio said, but there was something wicked in his eyes. “A blasphemy even for the Bratva. Do you understand now why the Bratva annihilated the whole Alexeev clan?”

“But they spared Devlin…” And what about Balakin?

“And that’s where Romanov made a mistake. It was one thing that he couldn’t tame the dogs from biting their owners, but also sparing the pup of the traitors? Romanov is such an idiot.”

Galit akong tumingin kay Rio.

“Sparing an innocent child from the sins that their parents committed is not an idiocy. I think the ’ Pakhan’ was being a just leader, giving a child a chance to live. Serj is a magnificent leader.”

Gusto kong tawanan ang sarili ko. Kanina lang ay galit ako kay Serj dahil halatang pinaglalaruan na naman n’ya ako. But now I was defending him.

Naiinis lang talaga ako kay Rio. He called Devlin’s parents dogs. Maybe they deserved it after what they did, but calling Devlin that too when it wasn’t even his fault? It was wrong of him.

For a moment, I caught a glimpse of what Rio was like as the head of the Cosa Nostra. As the Godfather, he is a tyrant. He doesn’t care about people and their lives.

Well… what could I expect? Pinaglaruan nga rin ni Rio ang buhay ko.

“And I thought it was the Pakhan’s two spies who should be looking after the brigadiers to ensure their loyalty?” I asked instead as Rio was just smirking at me. Para bang alam n’ya ang emosyong itinatago ko.

I really hate him.

“Yeliz… who do you think almost killed Alexeev back then?” He glanced at Devlin, so I knew that he was talking about him this time.

“What…?”

Oh… I knew about it. I remember. Devlin almost died fighting for his parents. That time when he still didn’t know about their betrayal.

“Nikolaj…” I mumbled.

Yes… I remembered what my father told me before. Si Nikolaj ang may gawa ng scar sa dibdib ni Devlin. He is the Bratva’s executioner… as well as one of the two spies.

“Yes. When the Pakhan realized that Alexeev was indeed innocent, he spared him. Or maybe… it was his form of punishment. To let Alexeev live with the guilt from his parents’ sins.”

I finally looked at Devlin. His eyes—gods, his eyes—told me thousands of words he couldn’t even say. I had to take a deep breath, as it was too much for me. Hindi ko alam, but it seemed as if his stares went right through my soul.

“And, of course, I took that opportunity,” Rio continued. Napatingin tuloy uli ako sa kanya. “I made a deal with the Pakhan so he would let me handle Alexeev and assign him as your bodyguard.”

“What deal?” I asked.

“Ah… I believe that’s confidential, angioletto mio . It is a deal made between the heads of the Bratva and Cosa Nostra. Do not worry, though. I assure you that it has nothing to do with you.”

I just looked at Devlin. Ayoko na ulit tingna si Rio. I hated how he was acting as if he knew everything and that he had the upper hand in this conversation. Isa pa, whatever deal Rio made with Serj in exchange for Devlin and letting him be my bodyguard must’ve been something big.

“Why didn’t you tell me all about this?” I asked Devlin. Halos wala nang lakas ang boses ko dahil sa mga nalaman ko.

“I told you I can’t,” he just said.

Maiinis na sana ako as he just gave me the same answer earlier. But the look on his face was making my heart ache. He looked mad, but… he also looked helpless. As if he realized he really didn’t have a choice and he couldn’t even do anything about it.

“Rossetti and Romanov…” Devlin trailed off. “They… they control my life. They tell me what I have and should do. I got another chance in life because of them, so my life is theirs to begin with. I did everything they wanted me to. The only thing I’ve got to do with my volition was when…” I saw his Adam’s apple bob as he gulped. “Was when I fell in love with you.”

I tried so hard not to show any emotion on my face. He hurt me and he didn’t deserve anything from me. But when I heard the last thing he said, the pain was too much for me to bear. It was excruciating that I had to grit my teeth and ball my fists on my lap dahil ramdam ko ang pag-iinit ng mga mata ko.

It was really too much that I think I winced as if his words physically hurt me. Hindi ko makayanan ang sakit, ang mga emosyong ibinabalik n’yang maramdaman ko uli.

But I refused to believe what he said, especially the last one, even though Devlin mirrored my expression and he even looked desperate as if he wanted to be near me. But my traitor heart beat fast as if it wanted to hope again.

“I had to admit,” Rio chose to intervene at that moment. “I expected that to happen, and when it did, I still got surprised. I didn’t know that Alexeev was that brave to disobey his Pakhan and the Cosa Nostra.”

“I didn’t disobey anything.” Devlin was almost spitting every word. “You didn’t tell me that it was a sin to fall in love with her.”

Rio laughed. It was full of mockery that even though it wasn’t directed at me, I still got insulted for Devlin. He was making it feel as if the answer was already there, but Devlin failed to see it.

But to be honest, I knew the answer too. Maybe Devlin knew as well but he was just being stubborn. Because he didn’t regret breaking the rules.

“Alexeev…” There was that taunting smile on Rio’s lips again. “Your parents betrayed the Bratva. You tried to hurt your Pakhan . I assigned you as Yeliz’s bodyguard as a punishment, to protect the daughter of the woman whom your parents killed. You should’ve known that falling in love with her would be your greatest sin. You should’ve known that she’s forbidden.”

I noticed Devlin’s jaw clenched but he was trying not to show any emotion. But I knew he was angry. I saw them in his dark eyes.

Even after years had passed between us, I could still read him. Devlin might’ve kept things from me but he always let me read him. He showed me his emotions and what he really feels. And after what Rio had just told me, I realized something. That Devlin and I were the same.

Devlin isn’t as free as me. He isn’t free to do anything but follow Rio and Serj. Just like what he said that his life is theirs to control.

He is a prisoner too. But unlike me, his cage isn’t gilded. His is a rotten cage.

He was… he was suffering too.

“But you gave me a good show, Alexeev,” Rio said, and I knew that he wasn’t done mocking Devlin. “At least you entertained me. Falling in love with the woman you knew you couldn’t get? That was stupid yet entertaining.”

“Vittorio,” I warned. He was getting out of line.

Rio raised an eyebrow at me. There was a challenge in his eyes. As if he was daring me to defend the man who hurt me. Even at this moment, pinaglalaruan n’ya pa rin kami.

I really fucking hate him. I wondered why I once admired him when everything he did was all just an act.

“Can you check on Yeruslan?” I said instead.

I won’t take his bait. I won’t make him play me again.

“Hmm?” He raised his brow higher.

“Check on Yeruslan. Devlin and I need to talk.”

“Then talk.”

“Without you.”

His lips twitched. I wasn’t sure if he was amused or pissed dahil pinapaalis ko lang naman s’ya roon. But I didn’t care about his feelings anymore. At alam kong alam n’ya rin na kailangan talaga naming mag-usap ni Devlin.

When I looked at Devlin, he looked torn, though. Parang ayaw maiwan si Ruslan with Rio but he also wanted to talk to me alone.

I just rolled my eyes and looked at Rio, who just chuckled.

“Alright, then. If that’s what you want.”

Naiwan kaming dalawa ni Devlin doon sa dining area. I was already uncomfortable earlier, but now I was rattled. Kung kaninang kaming dalawa lang sa labas ay ayos lang naman. But now, being close to him in this dining room was too much for me. Hindi ako makahinga nang maayos. Hindi ko na rin nagugustuhan ang reaksyon ng puso ko. It was as if my heart was glad to be close with Devlin again. Kung pwede nga lang na dukutin ko ang puso ko at pagalitan ay ginawa ko na.

“Where’s Mommy?” rinig kong tanong ni Ruslan mula sa sala.

“She’s still talking with the big guy,” Rio answered.

There was a pause. Wala sa aming nagsasalita ni Devlin. Then I heard Ruslan’s voice again.

“Big guy said he loves Mommy. Is he Ruslan Dad?”

My eyes widened. Rinig ko ang malakas na tawa ni Rio.

“It should be your mom who you should be asking. I bet she loves answering that,” may kalakasang sabi ni Rio. Halatang pinaparinig sa ’kin. And I stopped the urge to punch the Don of the Cosa Nostra in the face.

“I’ll ask Mommy!” I even heard tiny stomps after that.

“Hold it right there, young man. Let them talk first, okay?”

“Hmm…” I could clearly see my son thinking. “Okay!”

Alam kong pulang-pula ang buong mukha ko. But I glared at Devlin dahil wala akong mapagbalingan ng hiya ko.

I found him staring at me. There was something in his eyes I refused to read.

“You told him you were his dad?” I hissed.

“No. You heard our son. I just told him what I feel about you,” he said. Nakita ko ang nananatya n’yang tingin. “So, you didn’t tell him that Rio’s his… dad?”

“Of course not! I am not that cruel, Devlin! Unlike you who denied Yeruslan! And now you’re calling him ‘our son?’”

“I did not deny him!” mariin ang pagkakasabi n’ya na parang gustong ipasok pa iyon sa utak ko.

But I just glared at him even more. Naging totoo na ang inis ko.

“Maybe not the actual word, but that was the thought you gave, Devlin! You told me you didn’t care, and then what? You left me! Tapos ngayon babalik ka na parang walang nangyari?”

“I had no choice!”

“Lagi na lang bang ’yan ang idadahilan mo?”

“Yes, Yelizaveta! Because as much as it shamed me, I really had no choice! I haven’t given that privilege the moment my parents betrayed the Bratva!”

I just glared at him. I didn’t buy it. Ano ’yon? Dahil lang wala s’yang choice ay magiging ayos na ang lahat? Akala n’ya ba ay tatanggapin ko na lang ang nangyari dahil wala s’yang choice kaya ang ibig sabihin no’n ay hindi n’ya kasalanan?

I was hurt! I was broken! Hindi ko makakalimutan kung gaanong katinding sakit ang naramdaman ko dahil sa ginawa n’ya!

“Then why did you fucking do it?” I just hoped that my voice wouldn’t carry to the living room. “Are you saying that because you didn’t have a choice, you chose to hurt me instead?”

“Yeliza—”

“Why did you do it, Devlin?” My voice broke. “Why did you hurt me?”

There was so much anguish in his eyes. Parang nahihirapan sa kung anong bagay. He even looked lost as if he didn’t know what to say. But I didn’t look away from him, even though I knew that he could see the pain in my eyes. Hindi ko rin naman planong itago kung gaano ako nasaktan dahil sa ginawa n’ya noon.

He should know. He should know how hurt I was and how much I suffered because of what he did.

Devlin took a deep breath. Mariin s’yang napapikit at isang beses pang huminga nang malalim. When he opened his eyes again, halos magulat ako sa dami ng emosyong nakapaloob doon.

“Fiadh was there.”

Noong una ay nakatingin lang ako sa kanya. Hindi ko kasi maintindihan kung anong gusto n’yang iparating. Then my face crumpled in disgust and anger when I realized what he just said.

The fuck? Did he really think that he could pacify my anger by mentioning another woman’s name right in fucking front of me? Parang bigla ay gusto kong sakalin si Devlin!

“Who the fuck is she anyway?” Halata rin ang galit sa boses ko.

Devlin’s lips twitched. When I glared at him, he cleared his throat and sat up straight.

“She’s someone from the Irish mob.”

“I heard. Apparently, Serj and Vis know about her.”

“The Irish mob was there. Balakin and his men as well, and they were trying to take you,” sabi n’ya na para bang sagot na iyon sa lahat.

“And yet you left me with Fiadh. Someone from the Irish mob,” I pointed out.

He took a deep breath.

“Fiadh, she…” I hated hearing her name on his lips. And Devlin must’ve read my expression as he shifted on his seat, looking funnily uncomfortable. “We made a deal.”

Ugh … I hated that word now and everything to do with it.

“Anong deal na naman?” inis ko na talagang tanong.

Apparently, my whole world revolves around deals.

“I made a deal with her to not let the Irish mob take you. And that if they somehow did, she’d help you escape.”

“And you really think she would help me?”

Naiinis na talaga ako but I was trying to keep calm.

“Yes. She was raised as an assassin. If anyone who knows how to be stealthy and improvise for survival, it would be her.”

My anger rocketed high. There was a bitter taste in my mouth as well.

“You trust her that much, huh?”

“No.”

I frowned. Biglang natigilan ang galit ko.

“But you left me with her.

“I trusted her desperation para sa hiningi n’yang kapalit sa deal namin.”

I raised an eyebrow at him.

“I would assume na hindi mo rin pwedeng sabihin sa ’kin kung anong hiningi n’yang kapalit sa deal n’yo.” Because that was always the case with Rio.

So, I was surprised when he shook his head firmly.

“No, Yelizaveta. I will tell you if you want to know. I won’t make the same mistake again. I promise to tell you everything you want to know. I promise I won’t ever keep things from you again.”

It warmed my heart even if I didn’t want to. It meant something to me. Maybe because after every person in my life kept me in the dark, that was why it was easy for them to manipulate me; hearing those words was really something.

I realized I really wanted to hear those words. And it was Devlin who told me the things I needed to hear. He always did, even before.

Pero hindi ko ipinahalata ang naging epekto noon sa akin. I won’t be a gullible person anymore. I even raised my chin and stared at him straight in the eye.

“Then… ano ’yung kapalit na hiningi n’ya?” I asked.

Walang pag-aalinlangang sumagot si Devlin.

“For a chance to infiltrate the Bratva.”

My eyes widened. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako mas nagulat, kung sa paraan ba ng pagkakasabi n’ya na parang wala lang o sa mismong sinabi n’ya.

“That was… that was dangerous, Devlin! That’s treason! You shouldn’t have done that!”

Is he crazy? He struck a deal with someone from the Irish mob to infiltrate the Bratva? Hasn’t he learned his lesson yet?

“I’d do anything, Yelizaveta, anything to ensure your safety,” he even said with full conviction, as if he didn’t know the gravity of what he had done.

“Are you crazy? If Serj found out—”

“He did.”

My eyes went saucers.

“What?”

“He did. Romanov found out. That’s why he ordered my execution.”

Mas grabe ang naging gulat ko roon at hindi ako nakapagsalita. I just gaped at Devlin, who didn’t even look worried about what he just said. As if it was nothing to him anyway.

“But I made one last deal with the Pakhan.”

“Another deal again?” I managed to croak.

“One last deal with him. That I would get rid of Balakin and his men. In exchange, he wouldn’t let anyone touch you and Yeruslan. To spare you both from my crime.”

Hindi ko alam kung bakit nagtubig ang mga mata ko roon. Devlin did all of this to ensure my safety. He made a dangerous deal with Serj to spare me and Yeruslan of his sins, but… didn’t I make a deal with me too? To not let Yeruslan know who his real father is and introduce Rio as his father instead?

Hindi ko alam pero… it was as if Devlin’s sacrifices were for nothing. As if Serj was just playing with him.

But… come to think of it, Serj’s deal with me at that time didn’t make any sense either. He spared Yeruslan even after knowing about Devlin’s deal with Fiadh. Kaya ba… kaya ba hinayaan n’ya na lang kami ni Yeruslan because Devlin made a deal with him in exchange for our lives?

“I would do everything for both you and our son, Yelizaveta,” Devlin said, and there were so many emotions in his eyes. “I would even die for both of you.”

I bit my lower lip as it started to tremble. My vision even blurred from the tears that I refused to fall.

“Why did you deny Ruslan back then?” Rinig ko ang panginginig ng boses ko.

I saw his eyes stretched out, but he stopped himself. As if he wanted to hold me but thought otherwise.

“I really didn’t, Yelizaveta. You don’t know how much happiness that news brought to me. I even thought of going back with my deal to Fiadh and just ran away with you. Pero masyadong magulo ang lahat noon. I knew that you wouldn’t be safe if I let my selfishness win over me. The Cosa Nostra, the Irish mob, and the Bratva would manhunt us. I have no power, Yelizaveta. Hindi magiging tahimik ang buhay natin. At hindi ko kayang ilagay kayo sa ganoong panganib.”

“I thought Fiadh was your woman.”

“Fucking no. You’re the only one for me, Yelizaveta. Even though I knew you were forbidden, I still desired for you. I’m an idiot, aren’t I?”

Hindi ko na napigilan ang pagtulo ng mga luha ko pero mabilis ko iyong pinunasan. I didn’t want to cry in front of him. I refused to soften just like this. Not now na magulo pa ang lahat.

“Why did you say that then? Bakit mo sinabing wala kang pakialam sa pagbubuntis ko?” I asked and sniffled.

“Fiadh was there. Even though I struck a deal with her, I didn’t trust her. She’s still someone from the Irish mob. I didn’t want them to know that I have a son. I was afraid that they would use him against me.”

I sniffed again.

“Well… Fiadh still found out.”

“Yeah… Hindi ko napigilan ang pagsasabi mo.”

I glared at him.

“So kasalanan ko pa?”

Mabilis ang naging pag-iling n’ya.

“No, of course not.”

Inayos ko muna ang sarili ko bago muling tinitigan s’ya. And there, in his eyes, I saw his truth. There were so many emotions in them, but I could clearly see the love in his eyes.

I knew it was love because that was how I saw it in my eyes before. Noong panahong mahal na mahal ko s’ya at hindi pa magulo ang lahat.

Or maybe, sa simula pa lang ay magulo na talaga. Hindi ko lang alam because I was oblivious to everything that was happening around me.

“Why did you leave me then?” I asked. Walang pag-aalinlangan sumagot si Devlin.

“I had to keep my end of the bargain with Serj. I got rid of Balakin and his men. That was what I have been doing all these years.”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko.

“They’re dead now?”

“Yes…” He wet his lips and stared right into my eyes. “But I didn’t leave, Yelizaveta. I was always around. Hindi ko lang kayo nasundan sa Italy as I had to do my work, but… but when you came back with our son, I was always watching you both.”

My lips trembled again. Hindi ko alam pero kakaibang sakit ang lumukob sa dibdib ko, picturing Devling looking after us from the distance without me knowing.

“Then why did you reveal yourself now?” I asked. There was hope in my heart.

“I finished my end of the bargain. I got rid of Balakin and his men.”

“Then… everything’s okay with you now?” The hope inside my chest intensified.

But that hope was extinguished when he gave me a sad smile.

“All that is left for me is for the Bratva to execute me. All that is left is my death.”

Chapter 36

Hindi kaagad ako nakapagsalita sa sinabi ni Devlin. I was stunned. I didn’t know what to say. I just wasn’t expecting that after all we’ve talked about today, everything would lead to this. To… to Devlin’s death.

Or maybe… there was a part of me that did expect it. That was why, even though he hurt me, I wished for his safety when I still didn’t know where he was before. That even though he had left me, I had hoped that he was well. I hoped that he would just keep on hiding and that the Bratva and the Irish mob would not find him. Because I knew it wouldn’t end well for him. And Devlin saying it right to my face just confirmed my fear.

The Bratva wants him dead.

“What…” I couldn’t even find the right words to ask. “What should we do then?”

There must’ve been something in my question that was why the mournful expression on Devlin’s face changed. His lips twitched as if he was fighting back a smile, which confused me as we were talking about a sensitive topic. But a small smile still formed on Devlin’s lips.

“We? You don’t have to do anything, Yelizaveta.”

I frowned.

“What do you mean I don’t have to do anything?”

“Hindi ko na gustong guluhin ang buhay mo. I just…” He took a deep breath. “I’m just here hoping that I could spend a little more time with you and our son before I—” He cleared his throat. “Before the Bratva do what they should do.”

Hindi ko alam kung bakit nakaramdam ako ng galit doon. I hated it. I hated that Devlin just accepted everything like this as if there was nothing we could do!

“What the Bratva should do?” Halos mapatayo na ako at hindi ko na napigilan ang magtaas ng boses. “Devlin, you can’t die! You’re not going to die! I—” I took a deep, shaky breath. “I don’t want you to die!”

I began hyperventilating as tears threatened to fall from my eyes again. I could feel my body trembling. I could even see my hands shaking. I wanted to cry, but I didn’t want to look weak in front of Devlin. I didn’t want him to know how much this news affected me because he had hurt me, and I wanted him to think that he didn’t mean anything to me anymore.

I knew that he sacrificed for us, for me. He suffered too. But I still can’t forget how much he hurt me as well. Everything was so sudden at hindi ko pa mapag-isipan ng ayos ang lahat. Hindi ko kayang balewalain na lang basta ang sakit na naranasan ko noon kaya gusto kong makita n’yang hindi na ako naaapektuhan nang basta na lang dahil sa kanya.

But… I can’t. I just couldn’t pretend. The thought of the man that I tried so hard to forget, of the man that I’ve tried so hard to unlove dying, did something to me. It triggered the emotions I had already locked up and opened, and everything came crashing down on me at once right at this moment.

And after hearing what he had been through and what he had sacrificed for me when I thought that he didn’t even care about me, I just couldn’t pretend that I didn’t love him anymore.

Of course, I still love this man. I hate him but I still love him.

Tears fell from my eyes when I came to that realization. I grieved for Devlin’s life and for what he had been through. I grieved for the years wasted between us. I grieved for the chance that we weren’t given. I grieved for the hope that wasn’t even there between us right from the start. Because since then, we haven’t been supposed to be together.

We were… forbidden.

“Yelizaveta…” Devlin said my name so softly, which made me cry even more.

I heard him sigh, and he angled his body so he was fully facing me. Inilapit pa n’ya ang upuan sa akin so he could reach my face and cup my cheeks in both of his hands. His warmth, gods, I really missed his warmth that I even leaned in more onto his palms as his thumbs brushed the tears off my cheeks.

“Love…” The tenderness in his voice made my heart ache, and I couldn’t stop my sobs. “It’s alright… The moment I tried to hurt Romanov back then, I knew my fate had already been sealed. But I was grateful for the chance that was given to me. I got to meet you and fall in love with you.” Another sob escaped from my lips again. “Sshhh… It’s alright. I have already accepted my fate.”

“How could you even say that? Tatanggapin mo na lang na… na mamamat—” I choked on my words. I couldn’t even manage to say it.

Hinawakan ni Devlin ang mga kamay ko. He held them so tight as if I were the only thing that connected him to life that they were trying to take from him.

“I saw how my parents got killed,” he said. I sniffled to stop my sobs. I knew that he was confessing something, and I needed to hear it. Para bang ipinaiintindi n’ya sa ’kin kung bakit naging ganitong kagulo ang lahat. “Ozerov made sure they were… suffering before ending them. I had no idea what they did to get killed like that… like they were animals. So, my first response was to kill Romanov, who was there, watching it all as if all the lives were beneath him. Of course, Ozerov defended his Pakhan and stabbed me in the chest.”

I already knew about this. My father told me this story before. But hearing it from Devlin himself, seeing the hurt in his eyes that he was trying to hide, made me squeeze his hands back. His thumb caressed the spaces between my thumb and forefinger as if he was trying to comfort me when it was him who needed comfort.

Kahit ngayong nasasaktan s’ya ay ako pa rin talaga ang inaalala n’ya.

“While I was trying to breathe, trying to hold on to life, Romanov told me what my parents did—that they betrayed the Bratva. Right then, I knew I was next because my parents committed treason. I understood that he wouldn’t spare me, their child, so I asked him to just kill me.”

“Devlin…”

“But… Romanov spared me. When he realized I didn’t know anything, he… he let me live, saying that I deserved a chance. After I was treated, he told me that Rossetti would take care of me as they made some kind of deal. Hindi ko na inalam kung ano. Then Rossetti assigned me as your bodyguard. And you know that rest of the story.”

“How did you get involved with the Irish mob?” I managed to ask. Sinusubukan ko ring patigilin ang mga luha ko as I wanted to understand everything. And Devlin was fulfilling his promise to tell everything to me.

“Back then, when my parents were still alive, I noticed people visiting our house, talking with Mom and Dad. I thought that they were just Dad’s boyeviks and shestyorka , his men, as he was one of the four brigadiers. I didn’t know they were from the Irish mob. I met Fiadh once when he visited with her dad.”

“She mentioned she taught you Tagalog.” There was that bitter taste in my mouth again.

“Yes. She contacted me when she found out that I was guarding you. I told her about you, you know. And she offered to teach me Tagalog para… para ako na raw ang magtuturo sa ’yo at hindi na si Rossetti. She knew I was jealous of him.”

I pursed my lips. Hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman doon. I was happy to know that Devlin began to learn the language for me. But the fact that he was taught by another woman didn’t sit right with me.

“I was jealous too… of Fiadh,” I admitted.

Devlin cupped my cheeks again with his warm hands.

“I’m sorry. But I swear that was all that was between us. And the deal. It was all because of you. Ikaw lang naman palagi ang rason ko.”

Of course… I knew that now. I couldn’t deny what Devlin had sacrificed for me anymore.

He was so selfless. Hindi ko alam kung may bagay ba s’yang ginawa para sa sarili n’ya. He told me that falling in love with me was the only thing he did by choice, but I think it was for me too, as I was so happy with him. Kahit ang nag-iisang bagay na ginawa n’ya para sa sarili n’ya ay nakapagpasaya para sa ’kin.

I knew now why I fell in love so hard with this man that I even failed to forget about him.

“You said that Serj lied to you when I mentioned that he offered me Dad’s position.”

I noticed his jaw clenched. Nakita ko rin ang galit sa mga mata n’ya.

“Because of our deal,” he said between his gritted teeth. “I made a deal with him not to touch you and Yeruslan, to spare you both of my crimes, of the Alexeevs’ crimes, in exchange that I’d kill Balkin and his men for him.” He chuckled, full of remorse. “It was my fault. Hindi ko nilinaw na huwag n’ya talaga kayong gagalawin in every sense. He outsmarted me on that.”

“You don’t want me to accept Dad’s position? Si Ruslan naman ang ipapalit nila kung hindi ko tatanggapin. I’m doing this for our son.”

There was a glint in his eyes when he gripped my hands tighter mixed with the seriousness in his eyes. He looked happy pero masyadong seryoso ang mga mata n’ya na hindi ko alam kung guni-guni ko lang ba ’yon. His grip on my hands was so tight na para bang natatakot s’yang mawala ako sa sandaling ’yon.

He stared at me intently.

“Yelizaveta, I don’t want you to have this kind of life. The Bratva, the mafia… it’s brutal in every kind of way.”

“Then what will we do now?”

He took a deep, shaky breath. He suddenly looked so helpless.

“I hate myself for being so powerless.” The look in his eyes made my heart ache. “But I’ll try to talk to Romanov again.”

Mabilis akong napabitaw sa kanya at nanlalaki ang mga matang tiningnan s’ya.

“But he’ll kill you!”

“That’s why I’m asking for a little time to spend with you and our son before I face my fate. That is my last wish.”

I almost sobbed again. Ang sakit-sakit isipin na tanggap n’ya na lang ang mangyayari sa kanya.

“Devlin—”

“Will you, love? Will you grant my last wish? Will you let me spend my remaining time with you and our son?”

I hate him. I hate him for being this cruel. Alam kong hindi n’ya gustong masaktan ako sa mga sinasabi n’ya pero iyon ang nararamdaman ko. I hate seeing that he was giving up just like that. I hate that I couldn’t see any hint of hope in his eyes.

I hated him for speaking like this, as if there was no way out for him anymore.

I wanted to argue. Gusto kong mag-usap pa kami, maghanap ng ibang paraan kung paano maayos ang lahat ng ’to. But the resolve in his eyes brought pain to my heart. He really thought that there was nothing we could do anymore.

He had stopped hoping anymore.

But I don’t. I would find a way. For him. Kung wala akong makita, then I would create a path myself. Hindi ako susuko na lang nang ganito.

But for now, I give him what he wants.

So, instead, I nodded even though I still wanted to say a lot of things. I nodded, and that put a genuine smile on his lips. My lips parted when I saw that deep indent on his left cheek.

His dimple.

I finally managed to see his dimple fully, and that brought tears to my eyes again.

He’s really cruel.

“Thank you,” I heard him say at mas lalo lang akong nasaktan sa tono ng boses n’ya. Na para bang ibinigay ko sa kanya ang mundo. “And I’m very sorry for hurting you, love.”

I shook my head. Ako na ang nagpunas ng mga luha ko nang tangkain uli ni Devlin. I had to be stronger. For them.

“It’s alright…” I said. “Thank you for the sacrifices, Devlin.”

I let Devlin play with Yeruslan. And Ruslan happily played with whom he still called the “big guy.” Ibinigay pa nga ang apple na hindi pa ubos sa ama. And Devlin finished it all.

I happily watched them spend time together. Ruslan had a smile on his lips the entire time he was playing with Devlin. Para pa ngang hindi na mabubura ng kahit ano ang ngiting iyon. He looked really happy. And surprisingly and fortunately, mukhang nalimutan na rin ni Ruslan ang dapat na itatanong sa ’kin kanina. Mukhang mas gusto pang maglaro kasama ang ama kaysa ang magtanong.

And I hope that those smiles on their faces won’t vanish.

I was happy yet anxious as well. Because I knew that everything still wasn’t okay. If I could just do anything to maintain this tranquility, I would do it.

No matter what it was.

“You have a beautiful family.”

I sighed when Rio stood beside me. We were standing in the kitchen entryway, where we could see Ruslan and Devlin playing in the living room. Both were sitting on the rubber mat na nakalatag sa floor. Ruslan was building wood blocks while Devlin was helping him.

Rio handed me a cup of tea at pabuntong-hiningang tinanggap ko iyon. Looks like the Godfather of the Cosa Nostra helped himself with the refreshment I didn’t offer him earlier, feeling at home as he sipped his own cup of tea.

“I wonder how long it will last,” Rio said as he sipped his tea again.

I glared at him. I knew that I shouldn’t get affected as Rio was playing with my emotions again. Pero hindi ko lang mapigilan. Rio said those words so casually as if the end for the three of us was already set. And it was Devlin dying in the hands of the Bratva.

“Devlin will not die,” I said with gritted teeth.

Rio raised an eyebrow at me.

“How can you say so?”

“Serj won’t just kill him.”

Rio scoffed as if I said something funny.

“Yeliz… There are only two things that are important for Romanov: family and that gorgeous fashion designer. If anyone would cause harm to any of the two in any way, he won’t let it go. And I’m sorry to tell you, but the Bratva is his family. So, Devlin committing treason…” He clicked his tongue three times. “May his soul rest in peace.”

Halos isaboy ko na sa mukha n’ya ang laman ng tasang hawak ko. But I knew it wouldn’t do me any good, so I tried so hard to calm myself. It would just cause us another problem kung babastusin ko ang head ng Cosa Nostra.

And it was as if Rio knew what was running through my mind as he smirked mockingly at me.

“If you say another thing against Devlin,” I said with gritted teeth. “I swear palalayasin kita at hindi ka na ulit makakatapak sa pamamahay ko.”

The bastard actually had the nerve to chuckle at my anger.

“Funny how you were fuming mad at him just a second ago.”

“Vittorio,” I warned. “Nanginig ang kamay ko sa pagpipigil na huwag gawin ang naisip ko kanina lang.

“Be nice to me, angioletto mio . I’m actually here to give you a… suggestion.”

“I don’t need—”

“Beat him in his own game.”

I blinked, confused with what he said.

“What…?”

“Romanov… beat him in his own game.”

“I’m not sure I get—”

“He likes the game of deals, right?”

Natigilan ako roon. I stared at Rio, who casually sipped his tea as if he hadn’t just told me something… sinister. Something dangerous. Making a deal with the Pakhan looked every bit of danger to me.

But… it actually makes sense. Nakikita ko kung ano’ng pinupunto ni Rio.

“I don’t have anything to offer to him,” I said softly, scared that Devlin might overhear us.

But Devlin looked busy playing with Ruslan. Para bang bumabawi sa mga taong hindi sila nagkasama.

Rio looked at me through the corner of his eyes.

“You sure?”

I took a deep, shaky breath. I felt scared and anxious. Kinakabahan din ako. This was dangerous; I knew it. But… there was that tiny hope in my heart. I felt hope again, like a little light at the end of the dark tunnel.

But… am I willing to risk it?

I watched Devlin and Ruslan. It was Devlin’s turn to put a block on whatever they were building. But as he put it on the top, the building collapsed. And instead of crying, Ruslan actually giggled. Parang tinatawanan pa ang pagkakamali ng ama. He then moved and sat on his father’s lap as he collected the scattered blocks. Mukhang nagulat pa si Devlin doon, after a while, he relaxed. He even placed a kiss on top of Ruslan’s head and helped collect the blocks.

Right then, I found my answer.

Unlike those blocks, I wouldn’t let my family collapse without doing anything when there was still a way. When I could still see a tiny hope.

Yes… I am willing to risk it.

And it was as if Rio saw the answer on my face as a wicked smirk splayed on his lips.

“Best of luck, angioletto mio .”

It was already nighttime when the two men decided to go. Si Ruslan ay halatang napagod sa kalalaro with Devlin at halatang inaantok na. Naramdam naman ang dalawang lalaki kaya nagpaalam na. Devlin obviously wanted to stay more, but Rio urged him to go. And it was as if Devlin realized that it was dangerous to stay longer kaya pumayag na ring umalis.

“Take care on the road,” paalala ko pa sa kanya nang ihatid ko s’ya sa nakaparadang sasakyan n’ya. I put on a coat and scarf as the temperature dropped again.

“Can I… visit Yeruslan again tomorrow?” tanong pa ni Devlin. “And you?”

I actually smiled at him.

“Of course. For sure hahanapin ka rin naman ni Ruslan. He loves playing with you.”

Devlin chuckled, but he was staring hard at me. I cleared my throat dahil alam kong namumula na rin ang mga pisngi ko at alam kong hindi dahil iyon sa lamig ng panahon but it was because of the way Devlin stared at me. My heart was beating erratically inside my chest too.

Damn heart.

“I’m… I’m s-sorry about your coat and scarf.” I even stammered, what the hell?

Wala na kasi ang mga iyon sa labas ng bahay ko. Maybe the street sweeper threw it all away.

“It’s alright. I have plenty,” tahimik na sabi ni Devlin.

I blew a breath, and it created vapor in the air, but the air seemed to turn hotter between the two of us. We were both waiting for something. I even tensed when Devlin just shifted his weight to his other foot. I even noticed him put his hands in the side pockets of his pants at may palagay akong ginawa n’ya iyon oara pigilan ang sariling hawakan ako.

He could though… Kung gusto n’ya naman.

But instead, I heard Devlin clear his throat, extinguishing the heat between us.

“See you tomorrow,” he said, and he opened his car’s door. But before he could slide inside, I stopped him.

“Devlin, wait.”

Mabilis kong hinubad ang scarf na suot ko and I wrapped it around his neck for him. He even crouched down to help me dahil masyado s’yang matangkad para maabot ko. Then I smiled at him after.

“See you tomorrow.”

He smiled back at me, showing that cute dimple on his left cheek.

“Yeah. See you.”

I watched him drive away. I stayed until I couldn’t see his car’s taillight anymore.

“That was quite a show.”

I yelped and turned around. I saw Rio standing behind me, and I frowned at him.

“Bakit nandito ka pa?”

He shrugged.

“Had fun watching something.”

I rolled my eyes pero sumunod naman ako sa kanya nang maglakad s’ya papunta sa kotse n’ya.

“Why haven’t you told Serj where Devlin is?” I asked. Isa kasi iyon sa ipinagtataka ko.

“It’s not my business,” simpleng sabi lang ni Rio.

I should’ve expected it.

“Thank you, I guess.” Kahit na hinayaan n’yang makita ni Devlin si Ruslan behind my back. Hindi ko alam kung bakit n’ya ginawa iyon. Pero mahirap lang talagang intindihin si Rio.

He opened his car door and smirked at me.

“Take care, Yelizaveta.”

Pumasok na rin ako sa bahay nang paandarin a ni Rio ang sasakyan n’ya. My hands were cold, so I was warming them with my breath as I walked inside the house. Nakita ko si Ruslan na parang naghihintay sa ’kin.

“Mom… is big guy my dad?”

Oh… so he still hasn’t forgotten to ask me that question. Parang pinaalis lang n’ya ang dalawang lalaki bago magtanong sa akin. And I had to smile as it was kinda mature of him kahit na sobrang baby n’ya pa sa paningin ko.

I thought of the consequences, of what Serj said that Ruslan shouldn’t know who his real father is in exchange for sparing us both from Devlin’s crimes. But I guess he said that dahil si Devlin na ang nakipag-deal sa kanya noon.

So, I wouldn’t break any deal if I told Ruslan otherwise.

“Yes… He is your dad.”

Ruslan yelped in glee. Nagtatalon pa sa tuwa. Ngayon ko lang s’yang nakitang ganitong kasaya at nagtubig ang mga mata ko. I just realized kung gaano talaga s’ya naghahanap ng isang ama.

“I knew it! He is my dad! I have a dad!” He even ran to me and hugged my legs. “Thank you, Mommy! I have a dad now!

Hindi nawala ang kasiyahang iyon ni Ruslan. Even when I put him in the bed after I fed him dinner and washed him, he even mumbled sleepily.

“I can’t wait to see my dad tomorrow.”

I watched Ruslan sleep for a while. Kahit sa pagtulog ay halata ang saya sa mukha. I took a deep breath and made a decision.

I took out my phone and dialed Serj’s number.

Chapter 37

Ruslan was obviously excited while we were waiting for Devlin. Maaga nga ring nagising kanina at para pa ngang hindi nakatulog sa sobrang excitement. Nauna rin s’yang nagising and he even had to wake me up by saying that they should get ready as his dad was visiting today. He also finished his breakfast and took a bath quickly. He even wore his best clothes today: a white polo and a black bow tie, pero dahil malamig ay sinuotan ko pa ng sweatshirt at sweatpants. He looked so cute with the collar of his inner shirt and the black bow tie sticking out from the collar of his sweatshirt.

Pagkatapos ay pumuwesto na s’ya sa bintana. He was kneeling on the sofa beside the window, looking out for Devlin, waiting for him. He was even happily singing a nursery rhyme. Pati tuloy ako ay nahahawa sa excitement n’ya.

I wore a long-sleeved turtleneck top and tight pants with high boots na alam kong matatakpan din naman ng fur coat and scarf. I even dolled myself up today too. Sinabi ko na lang sa sarili ko na nag-ayos akong mabuti dahil may lakad ako ngayon at hindi dahil bibisita si Devlin.

I will have my meeting with Serj later. After talking to him over the phone last night, I told him that I needed to talk to him. He said that I could come by after lunch as he had time by then.

Hindi na ako nag-aalala tungkol kay Ruslan dahil may magbabantay naman sa kanya as Devlin would come by today kaya kampante akong pumayag sa oras na sinabi ni Serj. Devlin and Ruslan deserved time alone together too. I wanted to give time for Devlin and Yeruslan to make up for the years they have lost.

“Mommy cho pwetty …” Hindi ko namalayan na nakatingin na pala sa akin si Ruslan. “Daddy will love Mommy more.”

I chuckled. Umupo ako sa tabi n’ya sa sofa.

“Mommy will have to go somewhere again. Iiwan na muna kita sa Daddy mo, okay?”

“Okay!” He even looked like that had just excited him more.

“Don’t give him a hard time, okay?”

“Okay!” He then tilted his head to the side. “When can I see Kazik again?”

I frowned, but the smile on my face didn’t vanish.

“Kazimir? Why? You want to play with him again?”

Ruslan shook his head. The smile on his face made his chubby little cheeks puff even more.

“I want to tell him I have a dad now, too! I want him to meet Dad!”

I smiled softly. Mukhang nainggit nga talaga si Ruslan kay Kaz noong bumisita sila ni Irina dito. It was that time na sinundo sila ni Killian and Kaz ran up to his father, and he carried his son into his arms. So now, gusto ring ipagmalaki ni Ruslan kay Kazimir na may daddy na s’ya.

I suddenly wanted to blame myself for not realizing what my son really wanted. I didn’t even realize kung gaano s’ya kasabik sa ama until I saw him with Devlin yesterday.

“I’ll ask Irina when they will be free again, alright?” I caressed my son’s hair.

“Okay!” Ruslan looked outside the window again.

We both waited for Devlin. I was starting to feel nervous as the clock ticked by. And when Ruslan yelled happily when we both saw a car parked outside our property, my nervousness rocketed to the highest point. I suddenly felt colder even with my warm clothes.

Mukhang hindi na rin nakapaghintay si Yeruslan dahil tumalon pababa nang sofa at binuksan ang pinto. He ran outside, and I followed him with my heart beating so loudly against my chest. I saw Devlin walking on the pathway at patakbong sumalubong sa kanya ang anak namin.

“Daddy!” Ruslan exc;aimed at patalong lumapit kay Devlin.

Devlin was quick to catch him in his arms. Kinarga n’ya si Ruslan and I noticed the surprised look on his face as Ruslan kissed him on the cheek.

“Daddy! You’re finally here!”

I smiled at Ruslan’s happiness. The scene warmed my heart. Halatang tuwang-tuwa si Ruslan sa mga bisig ng ama at nakayakap pa nga sa leeg ni Devlin.

Noong una ay nakatitig lang si Devlin kay Ruslan, as if he was surprised or confused by what he had called him. But then, slowly, a warm smile that would be able to melt all the snow last night spread across his lips, revealing his dimple that Ruslan even poked.

Devlin chuckled as his eyes reddened with happiness and unshed tears.

“Yeah… I’m finally here.”

Devlin walked up to me with Ruslan in his arms. He was wearing a fur coat, and I noticed the scarf I’d given him last night was wrapped around his neck. And even though he had a soft expression on his face and a cute little boy, who had a wide smile on his face and was giggling in his arms, it didn’t lessen the intensity I saw in his eyes when he looked at me.

He stared at me as if he was relishing every part of me. Nagtatagal pa ang mga titig n’ya sa bawat parte ng katawan ko. He suddenly looked so hungry that I began to wonder if he had eaten anything before he came over. But I also knew that the hunger I saw in those dark eyes had nothing to do with food.

Biglang nag-init ang buong pakiramdaman ko. It didn’t help that I was wearing warm clothes. The way Devlin looked at me made my heart race, and I was also aware that I was blushing hard. I had to stop myself from squirming under his gaze lalo na nang tuluyan s’yang makalapit sa akin.

“Hi,” he greeted, and for the love of me, I wasn’t sure why that one word made me blush even more.

“Hi,” maliit ang boses na bati ko.

“You look…” Iyon na naman ang klase ng tingin n’ya nang pasadahan n’ya ang kabuuan ko. I recognized that look whenever we were… making love before. “Gorgeous.”

I let out a nervous laugh while Yeruslan giggled.

“Daddy loves Mommy more!” he said so cheerfully.

Devlin chuckled and placed a kiss on his head.

“Damn right, son.”

Natawa na rin ako at inimbitahan nang pumasok si Devlin. Agad namang nagpababa si Ruslan at tumakbo papunta sa toy box n’ya while saying that he was planning to play a lot of things with his dad.

“Thank you… for introducing me to him,” Devlin said softly beside me.

I looked at him and smiled.

“He still knows anyway. Siguro nakahalata s’ya dahil magkamukha naman kayo.”

“Still, thank you for not keeping who I am to him.”

“I’m not that heartless, Devlin.”

“I know…” Pinasadahan n’ya ulit ako ng tingin. “Are you going somewhere?”

“Oh, yes. Iiwan ko nga pala muna sa ’yo si Ruslan saglit.”

“What…?”

I stared at him. I heard something in his voice that I had to stop and look at him to confirm if I heard it right. And I saw it in his eyes too.

Is he… scared?

“You won’t take care of him?” I asked.

“No, I mean…” He scratched his brow. “I don’t know how to.”

Unbelievable. This sight of him was so new to me kaya hindi ko mapigilang tumitig sa kanya. I had already seen him bravely facing his enemies and confidently holding a gun as if it was a part of him. But taking care of Ruslan made him this nervous?

Hindi ko tuloy napigilan ang malawak na ngiti sa mga labi ko.

“It’s alright, Devlin… Hindi naman mahirap alagaan si Yeruslan.”

“Babalik ka rin ba agad?”

I really giggled this time. The way he said it as if he couldn’t do anything without me sounde so cute.

“Yes.” Hindi naman siguro magtatagal ang pakikipag-usap ko kay Serj. “If you have any question, you can just call me. Do you have my number?”

He nodded.

“Yes.”

Napangiti ako. Of course, hindi ko na ipinagtaka iyon. He still has my number all this time.

Nagbilin na rin ako kay Devlin kung anong dapat n’yang gawin kay Ruslan kung sakali. Hindi rin naman marami ang ibinilin ko dahil alam kong hindi magiging problema si Ruslan kay Devlin. Hindi talaga mahirap alagaan ang anak namin kaya nga kung minsan ay isinasama ko pa s’ya sa mga fashion show ko dahil hindi rin makulit si Ruslan. Isa pa, tingin ko ay hindi rin naman talaga ako magtatagal.

“Do you want me to drive you?” tanong pa ni Devlin nang ihatid nila akong dalawa sa sasakyan. Karga n’ya ulit si Ruslan na parang gustong-gusto talagang magpabuhat sa ama.

Mabilis ang naging pag-iling ko.

“It’s alright. Hindi naman malayo ang pupuntahan ko. I really have to go now,” mabilis kong pag-iwas. It’s a good thing na hindi nagtatanong si Devlin kung saan ako pupunta. Hindi ko gustong malaman n’ya ang gagawin ko. Not now.

I kissed Ruslan on the cheek at dahil karga s’ya si Devlin ay nagkalapit kaming dalawa. Kitang-kita ko ang mabibigat na titig sa akin ni Devlin. His pupil dilated as he stared at my face before his gaze went down on my lips. Napalunok ako dahil bigla yatang nanuyo ang lalamunan ko.

“Kiss Daddy too!” masayang sabi ni Ruslan na walang kamalay-malay sa tensyong namamagitan sa amin ng ama n’ya.

I saw Devlin look at Ruslan before I noticed his lips twitch. I glared at him because I knew that he was fighting back a smirk.

“Kiss daw,” he even said! At ngumisi na nga!

“Mommy kiss Daddy!” Ruslan said, and I knew by then that he was going to be Daddy’s boy.

“C’mon, Yelizzaveta. Humihiling ang anak natin.”

I galred at Devlin even more. Pinagtutulungan ako ng mag-amang ’to.

“Tuwang-tuwa ka, e, ’no?”

Devlin laughed. Sumabay din si Ruslan. I rolled my eyes pero nangingiti naman.

“Sige na. I really have to go now. ’Bye, baby Ruslan.” I took a step toward them and tiptoed as I placed a kiss on Devlin’s cheek. “’Bye, Daddy.”

Mabilis kong in-unlock ang kotse at pumasok sa loob na pulang-pula ang mukha at mabilis na mabilis ang tibok ng puso ko. I almost cursed when I realized that I had to warm up the car’s engine first kaya hindi na ako nagulat nang katukin ni Devlin ang bintana ng kotse sa side ko.

Why did I have to do that?!

Kahit na hiyang-hiya ako ay napilitan tuloy akong ibaba ang bintana ng kotse dahil mas nakakahiya naman kung hindi ko s’ya papansinin.

“What?” deretso lang ang tingin na tanong ko. I refused to look at him.

“You can’t even call that a kiss.”

Sinimangutan ko si Devlin.

“Well, I’m sorry if I disappointed you.”

Natigilan ako matapos kong sabihin iyon. A certain scene suddenly played in my mind. This… this conversation, we had this one before. That time when he had our very first kiss. And it seemed as if Devlin was thinking about that too, as he had a gentle look in his eyes.

“Want me to show you what a real kiss is?”

I glared at him this time. What a way to ruin the moment.

“Oh, cut it out, Devlin.”

He chuckled before he smiled at me, showing his dimple.

“Take care on the road, love.”

I smiled softly at him.

“I’ll be back soon.”

Nag-drive na ako paalis. I drove my way to the Romanov’s main house. Apparently, Serj was also having a meeting before me, and I wondered how busy the Pakhan of the Bratva was. Nakailang meeting na rin ako with Serj before, and it seemed that the Pakhan was solving every problem with the Bratva.

Sabagay… Every decision comes from him.

And I also knew that this wouldn’t be the last meeting I’d be having with Serj.

Sinalubong agad ako ng butler nang makarating ako. I handed him my coat, scarf, and gloves.

“I left my things here before,” I said in Russian. “Do you, by chance, have them?”

“Yes, madame . I’ll have them ready as well when you leave,” the butler answered in Russian.

“ Spasibo ,“ I thanked him.

He guided me to Serj’s office even though I knew where it already was. I just let the butler do his duties. He knocked on the door, and when Serj gave permission, I went inside. Hindi pa muna umalis ang butler at naghihintay sa utos ng amo.

I found Serj sitting behind his desk, signing some papers, but he stopped when he saw me.

“Ah, Yeliz… Just in time.”

He closed the folder and stood up. He offered me the seat on the sofa on the left kaya umupo ako roon while Serj took his usual seat.

“May I offer you some refreshment?” he asked, and I shook my head.

“It’s okay… I want to focus on our conversation.”

He nodded. May isinenyas s’ya sa butler at inilagay naman noon ang isang bote ng inumin at rock glass sa center table. The alcohol was Serj’s favorite brandy. I just realized that he had a habit of drinking it whenever he was having a meeting with someone. Hindi ko alam kung para makatulong iyon sa pag-iisip n’ya or for him to have something to do while thinking. Or if he wanted to show that he was confident he would still make the right decision even in a drunken state, not that I had ever seen him drunk. I figured he had a high tolerance for alcohol.

Or if it was for a show that the meeting was not important that he even planned to get drunk.

Yumukod ang butler bago umalis aty naiwan kaming dalawa ni Serj sa loob ng office n’ya. I watched as Serj took a sip on his drink, savoring it, before looking at me.

“So? Have you come up with a decision?”

I took a deep breath to calm my nerves.

“Yes… And I’m here to offer you a deal.”

Serj raised his brows. If he was surprised, I wasn’t sure, as that was the only reaction he gave. He whirled the rock glass he was holding, and the ice cube clinked against the glass, creating a thin sound. I flinched a bit, but I remained staring at him.

“A deal?”

“Yes.”

“And what, pray tell, is the deal all about that you are offering to the Bratva’s Pakhan , Yelizaveta?”

He didn’t call me by my diminutive this time. He even emphasized his title, so I knew that the time for business began.

I needed to weigh my words carefully.

“I’m going to accept the position as the derzhatel obshchaka .” Halos palakpakan ko ang sarili ko nang hindi manginig ang boses ko.

“In exchange for what?”

I stared at him right in the eye.

“In exchange for letting Devlin live.”

May ilang sandaling hindi nagsalita si Serj at nanatili lang ang tingin sa akin. Ako naman ay sobrang kinabahan na talaga. Serj’s stares were so heavy as if he was trying to read right through my soul. As if he could see every secret I have and I couldn’t do anything to hide it dahil makikita n’ya pa rin naman. Na para bang kayang-kaya n’yang basahin ang buong pagkatao ko and he was already thinking what he would do to me.

I didn’t know that talking alone with the Pakhan would be this nerve-wracking. Before, I survived having a meeting with him dahil may iba pa kaming mga kasama. But now that we were alone, where his focus would solely be on me, I was so sure that I wouldn’t survive.

Halos manginig na ang buong katawan ko. But I gritted my teeth and balled my fists that were on my lap. I needed to be strong. Hindi dapat ako panghinaan ng loob. My family is what is at stake here.

I noticed Serj’s gaze went down to my balled fists. I was so sure by now that he knew what I was feeling. That I was just trying to act tough.

But who cares? It was what I needed to do to survive a minute with the Pakhan .

“I’m surprised,” I heard Serj say, and I stopped myself from sucking a nervous breath. “The kind little angel is actually… an archangel who is just hiding her weapon.”

I blushed. Serj knew what my title was in the fashion industry.

“You heard from Natalia?” I asked.

Serj sipped on his drink first.

“And from Rossetti.”

“How’s Natalia, by the way?”

I knew I was blabbering now, but I would do anything to calm my nerves. Dapat pala ay tinanggap ko na ang offer na refreshment ni Serj kanina as I realized by now that I needed a calming tea.

“She’s busy. She’s planning on opening her shop here in Moscow.”

“That’s good to hear!” My delight was real. “She’s really a good designer. A lot of people love her works.”

“And I am one of them.”

I smiled. It amazed me how the Pakhan of the Bratva was showy with his feelings for his fiancée.

Serj whirled the rock glass again. The ice clinked against the glass.

“It seems that I won’t get anything with the deal that you are offering, Yelizaveta.”

I blinked. “What?”

“You are supposed to be the next derzhatel obshchaka anyway, but your father asked a favor not to let you take over in exchange that he would work twice as hard as before. What you are offering me is another favor from an Aslanov again.”

“That’s why I’m accepting the position now. Forget about Dad’s favor—”

“Yelizaveta, Alexeev committed treason. He fell in love with the woman who was supposed to be his punishment and even produced a child with her. He approached you and his son even when the Bratva was already looking for him,” he said. “He broke the Bratva’s code. As the Pakhan , I should bestow punishment to those who went against the Bratva.”

“Devlin doesn’t deserve to die!”

“Are you sure you have the right to judge who lives and dies?”

“And you do?”

The air got colder after that, and I realized my mistake. Halos hindi ako nakahinga nang bumigat ang titig sa akin ni Serj. He seemed to dominate every corner of the room, making me feel like I was trapped.

“I do,” hindi kumukurap na sabi ni Serj. “Yes, I do have the right to judge who lives and who dies. In case you have already forgotten what I mentioned just a second ago, I will make it clear for you this time. I am Sergei Alexandrovich Romanov, the Bratva’s Pakhan .”

I realized I had made a mistake by challenging him about his title. Kita ko ang kaseryosohan sa mga mata ni Serj nang sabihin n’ya iyon. As if he wouldn’t forgive anyone who dares to question his authority. And I just did. Ramdam ko iyon sa bigat ng paligid at hindi ako makahinga nang maayos.

This conversation wasn’t going well in my favor.

“I assure you that I am a fair and just leader, Yelizaveta. I do not do special treatment. Anyone who goes against me and the Code will be severely punished. Alexeev betrayed the Bratva, which is one of the heaviest sins a member of the Bratva would commit. It is punishable by torture and death.”

“You know he did it for me and Ruslan.” My eyes watered, but I refused to cry. But I couldn’t help but begin to feel helpless.

“That’s why I’m keeping him alive till now. I am giving what a father who is on death row deserves: time with his family.”

Hindi makapaniwalang napatingin ako sa kanya.

“You’re saying that you’re even doing him a favor? You tricked him, Serj! You made a deal with him not to touch me and Yeruslan!”

“And I kept my end of the bargain, haven’t I? The Bratva and the Cosa Nostra protected you both. You are out of harm’s way till now,” he said. “And my deal with him was to spare you both from Alexeev’s crimes.”

I let out a hollowed laugh.

“What a tricky deal… Then you offered me my dad’s position.”

“And you will gain something from it, right? You, accepting the position in exchange for Yeruslan. Have you also forgotten about that? Or is it now okay for you to have Yeruslan next in the line of the Derzhatel Obshchaka position in exchange for Alexeev’s life?”

I almost sucked in a breath. Yes… That was right. Serj offered me that. He offered that if I accept Dad’s position, then hahayaan n’ya si Ruslan. He even made a promise na ibibigay n’ya sa iba ang posisyon ion case na kailangan ko na rin iyong ipasa.

How could I have forgotten about that? How could I ever think that I have something to offer to the Pakhan of the Bratva in exchange for Devlin’s life? Why the hell didn’t I think through everything first?

No. When I found out that Devlin was going to die, I panicked. After what he had been through, after what he had sacrificed for both me and Ruslan, I thought that Devlin didn’t deserve to die. That it was so unfair for the Bratva to do that. I panicked at tinawagan ko na lang agad si Serj, thinking that I could do something for Devlin. Thinking that I could even repay his sacrifices.

“What if I won’t accept the position?” My voice trembled.

“Then I’ll have Yeruslan take over.”

“We will hide from you.”

Serj’s lips broke into a smirk and I felt offended. It was as if he was challenging me to do what I had said, but we both already knew what the outcome would be.

“Are you sure that’s what you want, Yelizaveta? To live in hiding? Are you even confident that you can hide forever from the Bratva when you are committing something that is against the Bratva’s code?”

“If you kill Devlin, mangyayari ang ayaw mo. For a child to take revenge for his parent’s death.”

“That was why I told you not to let Yeruslan know who his real father is. But I guess you did otherwise.”

“Ruslan deserves to know the truth.”

“That his father is a traitor?” he chuckled. “I guess you also met with Alexeev, and you wouldn’t tell me where he is. Hiding a traitor is also considered treason, Yelizaveta. You even went back on your words of not telling Yeruslan about his father.”

I didn’t want to let Serj know how much I was affected by this conversation, but I let out a groan in frustration. I groaned at my helplessness. Rio was wrong, and I was right with what I had told him at first. That there was nothing that I could offer to the Bratva’s Pakhan .

I realized now that Serj was so good at making deals. That even before he would offer someone a deal, he was already a hundred and one percent sure that he had the upper hand. That it wouldn’t go against him. He made sure he had already cornered the other party and that they had nowhere to go before he offered them a deal. And that there wouldn’t be any other choice but for them to take it.

Because that was what I felt right now. Like an animal in the corner, a large predator was in front of me, preventing my escape.

Sergei Alexandrovich Romanov is a good manipulator.

Napatingin ako kay Serj nang gumalaw s’ya. He took out something from the drawer of the center table. I frowned when I saw that it was a vintage sand time, just as big as his hand. The bottom bulb was already full, and when he put it on the table, binaliktad n’ya iyon. The sand fell, and it was a little too fast for the normal hourglass.

“This is a three-minute sand timer,” sabi ni Serj nang siguro mabasa sa mukha ko ang pagtataka kung bakit mabilis ang paghulog ng mga buhangin.

“What for?” I was really confused now.

“You’d be surprised what three minutes could do, what you can do with just that little time, and what you can think in just three minutes.”

My frown deepened. Hindi ko alam kung anong ipinupunto ni Serj.

His lips curled into a wicked smirk.

“What if I offer you something instead, Yelizaveta?”

I glared at him this time.

“I don’t trust your offer and deals anymore, Serj.”

He chuckled.

“Just hear me out first, Yeliz…”

Every part of me was screaming to just run away from there as it wouldn’t do me any good. If Serj offered me something, he would gain more from it, and it was a choice that I wouldn’t be able to refuse.

But at least… at least I would be given a choice, right? It would mean that there was still a way. Dahil sa ngayon, wala na talaga akong ibang naiisip na paraan to help Devlin.

With gritted teeth and balled fists, I stared at him.

“What is it?”

His smirk widened.

“If you accept it, I promise I’ll give Alexeev a chance and I will overlook what you did.”

My heart hammered against my chest.

“What is it, Serj?”

“Let the Aslanovs maintain the Derzhatel Obshchaka position. Let Yeruslan take over the position after you.”

Halos mapatayo ako sa sobrang galit sa narinig.

How dare he? After all that we’ve talked about, iniisip pa talaga ni Serj na gugustuhin kong ma-involve pa sa Bratva? And even take the position?!

“I don’t want to do anything with the Bratva anymore!”

Pero mukhang hindi man lang natinag si Serj sa galit ko. He was still calmly sitting on his seat and took his time when he sipped his drink.

“Are you sure that you and Yeruslan will be safe then? Are you sure that you can protect him if you leave the Bratva? Alexeev took care of Balakin and his men, but let me remind you that Balakin sided with the Irish mob. It just means more enemies for you. Are you sure that you can outrun them, then?”

My tears fell this time. But it wasn’t because I felt sad. It was because of so much anger and helplessness. Pwede pala iyon, iyong maiiyak sa sobrang galit at kawalang magawa. Because I knew what Serj said was right. Devlin did something against the Irish mob, and they would come for us too.

Marahas kong pinunasan ang mga luha ko.

“You are cornering me again,” I hissed.

“No,” Serj said casually. “I am merely giving you a choice and Alexeev the chance. If you stay with the Bratva, you will have protection from the Pakhan and from your father’s men who will be yours if you take over the position. His boyeviks, kryshas, torpedo, byki , and shestyorka … they will be all yours. You will be able to use them at your disposal.”

I took several deep breaths, trying to calm myself. Galit na galit pa rin kasi ako. But I needed to be calm so I could think clearly, so I could think things through this time. So I knew I would be making, maybe not actually the right decision, but hope to have my family together. To give Ruslan the family he deserves.

“Devlin warned me that the Bratva is brutal in every way,” I said.

Serj actually had the nerve to laugh, and I had to remind myself that it was the Bratva’s Pakhan who was in front of me. I am now beginning to develop a deep hatred for the heads of the mafias.

“Of course, the Bratva is brutal if you are a traitor and if you have plans to betray the Bratva. I already told you, Yelizaveta. I am a fair and just leader.”

Yes. And he’s a leader who’s an expert in manipulation too.

Serj took a deep breath when I just remained glaring at him.

“Yeliz…” Serj’s voice turned a bit softer this time. “The Bratva isn’t all about violence. The Bratva is family, and we protect every member of our family, right?”

“And yet you wanted to kill Devlin.”

Serj looked at me as if he was so done with me.

“Because he betrayed the family… but I am giving him a chance, aren’t I?”

I stared at Serj as I weighed everything.

There was one thing that I was sure of: Serj wanted the Aslanovs to stay in the Bratva.

I remembered what Devlin had told me before: that the Aslanovs were one of the most powerful families and that they had the power in society that my mother worked so hard to build that it caused her death. And having someone like me in this position might build the Bratva in society even more.

Maybe that was why Serj wasn’t letting go of the Aslanovs.

But the problem is, Devlin is a traitor and is not an Aslanov. He didn’t have anything. And me, an Aslanov, loves a traitor and wants him to be alive. Marriage is out of the question because, at the end of the day, Devlin still wronged the Bratva. Baka mas lumalala ang sitwasyon as Ruslan and I would be directly involved with Devlin.

That was why Serj was giving Devlin a chance. He had given me the only way to save Devlin while still keeping the Aslanov in the Bratva. The Pakhan knows how to play his card so well.

What a smart man.

“Are you sure that you’ll let Devlin live if I take the position?” I asked.

Serj lips twitched. He knew he had already won.

“I am giving Alexeev the chance to live.”

“What does he have to do then?”

“Just make sure that he has more than enough determination to live.” He stared at me. “Which won’t be a problem as he has a son and a woman he loves.”

I stared back at him. His gaze was so serious and that there was finality in them, showing me that he was telling the truth. He raised a brow, waiting for my answer. I pursed my lips before taking a deep breath.

Protection, chance, and hope. That was all in Serj’s offer.

I sighed, finally making the decision.

“Okay, I’ll accept it. I’ll be the next Derzhatel Obshchaka .”

Serj gave me a sinister smirk.

I hope I won’t regret this.

Chapter 38

WARNING: MILD R18

---

I decided to drive around first instead of going home. I wanted to think. Gusto kong pag-isipan muna ang naging pag-uusap namin ni Serj. Ang naging deal namin.

I still couldn’t believe it. I just made a deal with the Pakhan . I just accepted the position of the derzhatel obshchaka when I didn’t know much about the Bratva. I just know the basics about them. Of the thing that Serj calls “the family.”

I didn’t even know kung anong ginagawa ng isang derzhatel obshchaka but Serj told me that my position was the bookkeeper at dalawa kami ni Kozlov sa posisyong iyon. But mine was with the support group, and Kozlov was with the security group. Serj also told me that all I have to do is to collect money from my two brigadiers, and I have to bribe the government with the money mafia, of the obochek as they call it in the Bratva, so that the government would let the Bratva operate freely. It was like shush money.

Habang ipinaliliwanag ni Serj kanina ang mga gagawin ko, saka ko lang na-realize kung gaano kabigat ang naging desisyon ko. Even though Serj assured me that he and Kozlov would guide me with my duties, alam kong hindi na magiging normal ang buhay ko.

Well, my life wasn’t normal from the beginning anyway. I wasn’t just aware. Hindi lang ako naging directly involved.

But now, I just became the Derzhatel Obshchaka , the bookkeeper of the Bratva.

I wasn’t sure anymore if I made the right desisyon pero ayoko rin namang pagsisihan ang naging desisyon ko. Earlier, all that I could think about was how I could save Devlin. Nakahanda pa akong gawin ang lahat so that Devlin would live and Ruslan would have the complete family that he deserved. Sa tingin ko rin kasi ay mas magiging magulo ang lahat if I just let the Bratva do what they wanted to do with Devlin. And Ruslan might even ask a question I knew I wouldn’t be able to answer if the Bratva killed Devlin.

And after all that Devlin did for me and Ruslan, hindi ko na kayang balewalain ang mga naging sakripisyo n’ya. I wanted to do the same for him. So, I decided to sacrifice having a normal life.

I heaved a deep sigh. Should I retire from modelling? Makakasagabal kaya ang career ko sa tungkulin ko sa Bratva? I guess I should ask Serj if we meet again. Sinabi rin naman ni Serj that he would contact me for his part in the deal that we just made. And that I should get Devlin ready.

What would he do to Devlin, though? I really have no idea. At least for now, there’s hope for Devlin. Serj gave him another chance.

I took another deep breath. My thoughts wondered on Devlin this time.

What will he think if he finds out that, despite his warning, I still decided to accept the position? Will he do something?

I think I should keep this from him for now. I wanted to relish the fact that Devlin would live and we would have a complete family. Iyon na lang muna ang pagtutuunan ko ng pansin.

I shivered against the cold. Halos isang oras na rin kasi akong nagmamaneho. Kanina pa lumubog ang araw kaya mas malamig na rin ngayon kumpara kaninang pag-alis ko. Hindi ko nagawang makabalik kaagad gaya nang ipinangako ko kay Devlin.

Kumusta na kaya ang mag-ama ko? Maayos kayang naalagaan ni Devlin si Ruslan? Napakain na n’ya kaya ng dinner ang anak namin. Devlin didn’t call, so I was sure na wala namang naging problema. I hoped that they both enjoyed their time together.

I finally decided to head home. Nilalamig na rin kasi talaga ako. Baka magkasakit pa ako dahil naging mahina na talaga ang katawan ko sa lamig. I think I should take a warm bath to keep my body warm.

I drove home. Ilang sandali pa ay pumarada na rin ako sa harap ng property ko. I sniffed as I went out of the car. The cold was really getting into me as if it was seeping right through my bones. It didn’t know pero sobrang lamig pa rin ng gabi and I started shivering. I hugged myself, and as I walked down the pathway of my house, the door suddenly opened. I saw Devlin, and there was a relief on his face as soon as he saw me.

“I thought something—” He then frowned as he stared at me. “Did something happen?”

He must’ve seen something on my face for him to ask that. I stopped myself from touching my face to check if there was something on it. It must’ve been the expression I had right now as the relieved look on Devlin’s face vanished. I didn’t even know what expression I was making, but I was really cold. And Devlin looked so warm with his knitted shirt.

I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around his body. Mas idinikit ko pa ang katawan ko sa kanya when I felt how warm he was. It was so comfortable to be in his arms that I heaved a sigh of relief as I finally felt safe.

After all I went through, I had found my comfort. And it was with Devlin again.

I felt him stiffen. Para bang nagulat s’ya sa biglang pagyakap ko sa kanya and I couldn’t blame him. I just hugged him all of a sudden.

But Devlin just looked so warm, and I felt really cold. And maybe exhausted too, and Devlin looked like he was offering me the most comfortable place to rest: inside his arms.

But after a while, naramdaman ko rin ang pagre-relax ni Devlin. He wrapped his arms around me and I felt him bury his face in my hair, inhaling my scent. I smiled and tightened my hug on him and he did the same.

Ah… I could finally relax. After everything that I have been through all these years, I could finally have my rest with Devlin. The relief was too much at naramdaman ko ang pag-iinit ng mga mata ko.

“Is everything okay? Rinig ko pa ang masuyong tanong ni Devlin.

I nodded. I buried my face in his chest, inhaling his scent.

“I’m just cold.”

“Then we should get inside.”

I nodded pero mas hinigpitan ko ang pagkakayakap sa kanya.

“Okay… But don’t let go.”

He chuckled. The rumbling inside his chest felt really good.

“I won’t let you go ever again, Yelizaveta.”

He carried me in his arms and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, burying my face in his neck this time. As I caught a sniff of his natural scent and his perfume, I could help myself and placed a light kiss on his skin. I heard his groan as if he was frustrated but he tightened his hold on me. I just smiled and settled myself in his arms.

Devlin took me inside the house. Even when he sat down on the sofa, hindi n’ya pa rin ako binibitiwan. I was sitting across his lap and my face was still buried in his neck at parang ayoko na ngang umalis sa mga bisig ni Devlin. I didn’t want to move myself away from this safety.

And I just realized that it wasn’t because he was my bodyguard that I felt protected whenever I was with him; it was because he is Devlin. He is my protection. And I wanted to stay from the safety and comfort that he was offering me… forever.

“Where’s Ruslan?” I asked after a while.

He stroked my hair gently with his fingers at halos makatulog ako roon.

“Asleep,” tahimik n’yang sagot.

“Napakain mo na ba ng dinner?”

“Yes.”

“Nilinisan at pinalitan mo ba ng PJs n’ya?”

There was a light chuckle in his chest.

“Yes, Yelizaveta. You don’t have to worry about our son. He is fine.”

Napangiti ako roon.

“Ang galing namang mag-alaga ng daddy na ’yan,” I teased.

“I had practice since I had to take care of you back then.”

Napasimangot ako at bahagya s’yang tiningala. The tip of my nose brushed his jaw.

“You were so strict to me back then.”

He chuckled but he leaned more toward me. Mas tumingala pa ako and my lips brushed his jaw this time.

“Masyado ka kasing pasaway.”

Pabiro kong hinampas ang balikat n’ya.

“I am not!”

He chuckled again but he tightened his hold on me. Niyakap n’ya ang katawan ko. And my arms around his shoulders tightened too as I buried my face in his neck again. I felt him place another kiss on my head again.

“I missed you, Yelizaveta…”

I smiled against his skin. I placed a kiss on his jaw bago ako bahagyang humiwalay sa kanya para matitigan s’ya.

“I missed you too, Devlin.”

I saw his gaze soften as he stared at me.

“I’m so fucking sorry for hurting you,” he said. Ang isa n’yang palad ay lumapat sa pisngi ko. “You don’t know how much I regretted my words and what I did that day. When I saw the hurt in your eyes I… I couldn’t forgive myself. But I had to do it, Yelizaveta. I have no power and I couldn’t think of anything to protect you.”

“Devlin…”

“I would understand if you couldn’t forgive me. You don’t deserve to get hurt by anyone. You deserve all the good things in this world.”

“Devlin—”

I wanted to stop him dahil mali ang inaakala n’ya. Yes, he hurt me. I was really hurt that day, and I suffered for years from it. Pero naiintindihan ko na ang ginawa n’ya. It was hard for him too. Hindi biro ang mga kalaban n’ya and that was the only thing he could think of to protect me.

I could understand him dahil napunta na rin ako sa sitwasyon na gagawin ang lahat para protektahan s’ya. Lalo pa at may Ruslan na kami.

But Devlin cut off my words and he continued talking. There was so much pain in his eyes.

“But please, believe me when I say that you are the most important person to me, Yelizaveta. You and our son. I love you so fucking much that I’d do anything to protect you. I would fucking offer my life in exchange for your safety. I would die for you, Yelizaveta.”

Naramdaman ko ang pamamasa ng mga mata ko. That was quite a confession.

Devlin was never this vocal about his feelings before. This was all so new to me and it was making my heart feel full. I never even realized that my heart was starving for warm words and Devlin was giving it all to me. Sobra-sobra pa nga.

Maybe with all those years that we were apart, I wasn’t the only one who changed. Devlin did too. And I was liking this change better than the way we were before. I get to know what Devlin really feels. It was as if the wall that I didn’t realize was standing between us was beginning to crumble into pieces. And I could see him clearly now. I could understand him better now.

The real Devlin.

He was baring myself in front of me while he was still holding me as if he was afraid that I would run away now that he was showing who he really was: a powerless man but… full of emotions.

“I have nothing, Yelizaveta.,” he said and I could feel his anxiousness in his voice but there was love in it too. “But with you, I have everything. You made my life meaningful. You gave worth to this useless life of mine. You made me want to live when I was struggling to find a reason to. But… you are the reason, Yelizaveta.”

I cupped his face. Idinikit ko ang noo ko sa noo kanya.

Oh, this once stoic man. I could tell that he was nervous but there was determination in his eyes. Na para bang nakahanda s’yang patunayan ang pagmamahal n’ya sa akin kung sakali mang pagdudahan ko s’ya.

But I don’t. Because I could see everything in his dark eyes.

“So, live, Devlin… I want you to live because Ruslan and I need you.” I stared deeply in his eyes. “I want you to live because I love you.”

When I saw the surprise in his eyes, as if he couldn’t believe what I just said, I took the initiative to prove my love for him. Inilapat ko ang mga labi ko sa kanya. Magaan lang as I wanted to feel the softness of his lips first. I wanted to feel every contour of his lips. I wanted to savour the feeling first.

I felt him stiffen, but then I deepened the kiss this time. I wanted to finally taste his lips. The sweetness that they were offering me. I wanted to taste those words that he just said that made my heart feel full. I wanted to take everything that he was offering me.

Pero pinutol agad ni Devlin ang halik. I groaned in frustration dahil nabitin ako. But when I saw the dark look in his eyes, I shivered. It was as if he wanted to devour me but he was just holding himself back and it was taking everything in him to do that.

“Do not tempt me, love. Even before I knew you were forbidden, I still wanted you, still desired for you. And now that you just said you still love me, I won’t care about anything else anymore. Forbidden or not, I will take you. I won’t hold myself back now.”

His eyes held a lot of promises. There was a warning in them too na para bang gusto n’ya akong umatras. But I smiled at him and his eyes turned a shade darker.

“Then do it, Devlin. Even though I had no idea I was forbidden to you, I nevertheless offered myself. Forbidden or not, I am always yours. So, take me, Devlin. Take what you really owned.”

“Fucking damn it,” he groaned before he finally held the back of my head and pulled me to give me a deep kiss.

His kisses were harsh. Mariin. As if he wanted to devour me whole. As if he wanted to take all of me. And I just let him. I even took pleasure from the severity of his kisses. After all, I did tell him to take what he owns. Because I am his and will always be his.

I answered his kisses with the same ferocity. I offered everything I have with my kiss. I wanted him to know that he owned me. That I belonged to him and I wouldn’t survive this harsh world anymore without him. I let him know that I needed him. I made him feel what I couldn’t tell him, as words weren’t enough with how much love I feel for him.

I earned another groan from Devlin. Napangiti ako habang hinahalikan pa rin s’ya, knowing that I made him feel something. Devlin felt my smile and he punished me by biting my lip so hard that I even tasted blood. I gasped in pain and pleasure and he took that chance to delve his sinful tongue inside my mouth.

The taste of blood was still there but Devlin sucked my tongue and my bruised lips too, as if he wanted to take even that. I was gasping in pain but the pleasure was taking over as his tongue played with mine at sinasalubong ko at dila at mga labi n’ya. I wanted to take all of him too. I wanted Devlin so much now than before.

Naglakbay ang mga kamay ko sa katawan n’ya, feeling every bit of the muscle that he’d grown over the years. He became more muscular. His body was so lean and ripped that I wanted to lay on top of him while he made promises of the comfort and safety that he would give me.

I was feeling hot all over while Devlin’s hand started to roam around my body too habang ang isa ay nasa likuran pa rin ng ulo ko, pulling me more to him para hindi mabawasan ang lalim at rahas ng halikan namin. My heart was pounding so loudly inside my chest. The excitement of tasting him again was palpable that I knew I wouldn’t be satisfied with just a kiss.

I moved to position myself as I straddled him. The budge in his pants was brushing right through my core and I began to grind my hips against him. I moaned with so much pleasure and I did it again, earning a groan from Devlin this time.

“Fuck!” he hissed as his kisses went down my jaw and down my neck before he bit the most sensitive part there, sending sparks all over my body that made me shiver.

“Devlin…” I panted. “I want more.”

Mabilis ang naging kilos ni Devlin as he removed my clothes, groaning in frustration as I was wearing high boots and pants. Halos masira na nga ang mga damit ko sa rahas ng galaw n’ya na para bang gusto n’ya na lang punitin ang mga ’yon. And I literally heard the fabric rip as he took it off me. Hindi ko lang alam kung anong parte ng damit ko ang nasira n’ya.

But who cares about it? I wanted him now.

He laid me down on the sofa naked and I guess I was feeling really hot dahil hindi ko man lang naramdaman ang lamig. He didn’t let me feel the cold dahil mabilis s’yang pumaibabaw sa akin at hinalikan ako. His big body was all top of me, shielding me against the cold and his hands roamed around my body, making me feel hotter. I yelped when I felt him squeeze one of my breasts but it turned into a moan when he pinched my nipple.

“Oh, god…” I whimpered as he kissed his way down on my neck and down more. I gasped a moan when I felt his warm mouth envelop my breast.

His tongue played with my nipple as he started to take off his clothes. Wala na akong nagawa kundi ang mapatingala at mapahawak sa buhok n’ya. I grabbed his hair as if it was the only thing that was keeping me down dahil paangat nang paangat ang pakiramdam ko. Malakas akong napaungol nang maramdaman ang isang kamay n’yang naglalaro sa pinakasensitibong parte ng katawan ko. His fingers played with my clit and all I could do was moan and gasp in pleasure.

“More…” I chanted. “More…”

Bahagyang inangat ni Devlin ang ulo n’ya mula sa mga dibdib ko para tingnan ako. We were both naked now. The look in his eyes was enough to set me on the edge. They were dark and the lust was so evident in those dark orbs.

“I’ll give you everything you want, Yelizaveta,” he said. His jaw was clenching as if he was just holding himself back. “Be patient.”

He dipped his head at ang isang dibdib ko naman ang pinagtuunan n’ya ng pansin. I was grinding my hips against his fingers but he groaned and held my hips in place as he bit my nipple. Napasigaw ako sa sakit at sarap.

“Shit…”

He kisses his way down to my belly and my heart hammered in anticipation dahil alam ko na kung saan papunta ang mga labi n’ya. And when I finally felt his mouth against my core as his tongue flicked my clit, halos sumabog na ako roon.

He lapped my folds with his sinful tongue. I thrashed and grabbed his hair dahil hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin ko sa sobra-sobrang sensasyong nararamdaman. Only Devlin could make me feel so wet like this. Only him could make me feel so much pleasure.

“Did you miss this?” tanong n’yang bahagyang inangat ang mukha para tingnan ang reaksyon ko. I looked down at him and the view of his lips glistening with my juices was so erotic.

“Yes…” I breathe.

“Do you touch yourself when you missed this? When you missed me?”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. How could he fucking know that? How could he know that I sometimes touch myself whenever I feel horny at ang ginawa namin noon ang naaalala ko.

“Yes…” I admitted because it was no use keeping it from him. He always knew me. Kilalang-kilala n’ya ako.

“Then show me, Yelizaveta,” he commanded. “Show me how you touch yourself.”

It was so fucking embarrassing. I didn’t want to do it. I was the only one who knew about it anyway. That I touched myself sa mga panahong hindi kami magkasama. That I was trying to relieve the memories and the feelings whenever we had sex before. But it wasn’t enough and it frustrated me.

It was my guilty pleasure, as I was so mad at him back then but still imagining him doing it to me.

But as I looked at Devlin, the look in his eyes was as if he was trying to challenge me. Na patunayan ko ang sinabi kong I belonged to him. But there was an emotion in them too,+ as if he really wanted to see it and he would beg for it.

But he didn’t need to. As I decided that I would give my all to him.

So, slowly, my hand reached for my core. I saw the fire in his eyes when his gaze followed my hand. It engulfed when I started to touch myself, my fingers rubbing my clit while my other hand massaged my breasts.

I moaned in pleasure. Mas nakadagdag sa sensasyong nararamdaman ko ang kaalamang pinapanood ako ni Devlin. His gaze flicked to my face and my fingers na para bang hindi n’ya alam kung ano ang mas pagtutuunan n’ya ng pansin.

The embarrassment I felt earlier was gone now, pumalit ang kakaibang sensasyon. I rubbed my clit in circles as I pinched my nipple. I moaned and my hips bucked dahil kulang pa ang nararamdaman ko. But when I saw him stroking his length as he watched me, it almost set me on the edge.

“Fuck,” I panted. Mas diniinan ko ang mga daliri kong naglalaro sa parteng iyon.

I looked at Devlin and I saw so much lust in his eyes when he found mine.

“You look so fucking hot right now, love…”

I gave him a seductive smile.

“I always… imagine you doing this… to me, Devlin.” Hindi na ako makahinga nang maayos. “Even when I was mad at you.”

He groaned in frustration and I saw him tighten his grip on his length. The veins on his arms were visible habang sinasabayan n’ya ako.

“Are you close?” tanong ni Devlin nang magsunod-sunod na ang mga ungol ko.

“Yes.” I moaned. Fuck, I am really close.

“Then squirt for me, Yelizaveta.”

Parang iyon lang ang hinihintay ko. I did. I squirted but I didn’t stop playing with my core. I even saw my juices splashing out and Devlin watched it all. Hindi ako tumigil sa until the feeling died down from me.

I was panting when it ended. Napatingin ako kay Devlin and there was a satisfied smirk on his lips as he held my knees. He spread my legs and positioned himself between them.

“You’ve been a good girl. I should reward you, right?”

I moaned when his fingers played with my core, trying to make me feel pleasure again. I couldn’t believe it, katatapos ko lang pero kulang pa ang naramdaman ko kanina.

I wanted more. I wanted him.

“Yes…” I breathe. “Yes, take me, Devlin.”

He chuckled as his length nudged my opening.

“Gladly.”

Then he rammed himself inside me so harsh that the pleasure blinded me.

It had been so long but I didn’t feel any pain. My insides immediately wrapped around his length as if they missed the feeling of him inside me too. Hindi ako makahinga nang maayos dahil sa rahas ng naging galaw n’ya. But I wanted it. I wanted him like this.

He slowly pulled away his cock before he rammed inside me again. I moaned so loud that I thought the neighbors would hear me but I didn’t care. Fuck, all I care about now is that finally, Devlin’s cock is inside me again.

Devlin’s pace was slow and it frustrated me. I locked behind him and pulled him more to me. He chuckled and kissed me before he finally quickened his pace.

Yes… yes, this is how I want it to be!

“Your pussy is choking my cock, Yelizaveta.”

Damn it! I know! Goddamn it, I missed this and I didn’t want to be away from him anymore!

I was moaning whenever he pulled away dahil ramdam na ramdam ko ang bawat paghugot n’ya. Pagkatapos ay marahas ulit s’yang papasok, sending me over the edge that I couldn’t do anything but moan.

He kissed me so hard and I answered him. I returned his kisses so ferociously, thanking him and wanting him to know that I was so thankful for him making me full again.

He then reached between us, and his fingers rubbed against my core. Nararamdaman kong malapit na naman ako at nagsunod-sunod ulit ang pag-ungol ko.

“It seems like this tight fucking cunt really missed my cock, huh?”

“Yes… oh, my god, Devlin, I missed you so much.”

He chuckled before he leaned down and kissed me again. He held my hips to gain his momentum before he started fucking me hard and fast.

“Devlin!”

“That’s it, Yelizaveta. Scream my name when you come.”

A few more thrusts from him and I finally squirted again. Hindi tumigil si Devlin sa bilis ng pag-ulos n’ya na para bang may hinahabol s’ya. He was trying to catch up to me as I felt him bigger inside of me before I finally felt him shoot his warm loads inside.

Bumagsak s’ya sa ibabaw ko na hinihingal. We were both panting and I wrapped my arms around his body. My fingers raked his damp hair. Nang bahagya s’yang umangat para tingnan ako, I wiped the beads of sweat on his forehead as he placed a quick kiss on my lips.

“My little squirter, we’re not done yet,” he said, and there was a promise in his eyes. “We have to make up for all those years that we were apart.”

My lips slowly stretched as I gave him a sensual smile.

“I would love that.”

Chapter 39

TRIGGER WARNING: Some scenes may find readers uncomfortable. Reader discretion is advised.

---

A week had already passed and I was all happy. I let Devlin stay in the house para hindi na rin naiinip si Ruslan kahihintay sa daddy n’ya araw-araw. He would always whine to me about what was keeping Devlin so long, even though it was just the start of the day. Kaya sinabihan ko na lang si Devlin na sa bahay na tumira as it was so obvious that Ruslan didn’t want to be away from him for so long.

It seemed like Ruslan really loved his dad. He wouldn’t even sleep if it wasn’t Devlin who would put him to bed. Si Devlin na rin ang nag-aalaga most of the time sa anak namin and there was nothing I could do but just watch them bond, which made my heart full with just the sight of them. Mukha rin namang walang problema si Devlin sa pag-aasikaso kay Ruslan.

I was feeling happy these past few days spending time with my own family. But I couldn’t help but feel anxious every once in a while. Parang… ang tahimik kasi. After experiencing so many hardships, this kind of silence wasn’t really comforting. In fact, natatakot pa nga ako. Alam ko kasing hindi pa maayos ang lahat.

It was as if we were just in the eye of the storm, where the calm was foreboding a more catastrophic event. But I still hope that I was just overthinking things.

But then… Serj message finally came.

That was why we were now here in the car. Devlin was driving the way to the address that Serj texted me. Hindi ako mapakali habang nakaupo ako sa passenger seat. Hindi ko naman alam kung saan nanggagaling ang kaba at takot na nararamdaman ko. Nanlalamig din ako and my hands wouldn’t even stop shaking. Kaya hindi na ako nagulat na mukhang napansin iyon ni Devlin dahil inabot n’ya ang hita ko at marahang pumisil doon. He squeezed it, trying to give me comfort.

“Relax…” he said softly. The sound of his voice soothed me. “I’m here with you.”

I tried to smile at him. I just wished that it looked like a smile as I felt guilty. Hanggang ngayon kasi ay hindi ko pa rin sinasabi sa kanya ang lahat. Sinabi ko lang na pinapapunta kaming dalawa ni Serj sa address na ’yon. Pinatulog muna namin si Ruslan bago umalis at iniwan ang bahay sa babysitter.

I realized that I really have to tell Devlin everything. Alam kong mababanggit ni Serj ang tungkol sa pagiging bookkeeper ko ng Bratva and I didn’t want Devlin to find out about it that way.

But… I wonder kung anong ipapagawa ni Serj kay Devlin. I still didn’t know until now. Kahit sa message n’ya ay walang nakalagay tungkol sa part ng deal n’ya.

Devlin parked the car in the basement parking lot of a high-rise building. Ni hindi ko man lang napagtuunan ng pansin ang dinaraanan namin kanina sa sobrang dami ng iniisip ko at idagdag pa ang kaba ko.

I watched Devlin as he took off his seatbelt. Nang akmang bababa na s’ya para pagbuksan ako ng pinto sa side ko ay pinigilan ko s’ya. I held his arm, stopping him.

“Devlin.”

He looked at me. A frown was forming on his forehead.

“Are you really nervous?”

I took a deep breath. I wanted to shake my head para hindi s’ya pag-alalahanin. But I couldn’t lie to him right now. Kinakabahan naman kasi talaga ako.

“May gusto lang muna akong sabihin sa ’yo before anything else,” I said. My voice was too soft and I could hear a slight tremor from it that I had to clear my throat.

Devlin angled his body to fully face me. Hindi s’ya nagsalita at na-realize kong hinihintay n’ya lang akong magpatuloy but his focus was solely on me. Ang mga mata n’ya ay nakaririg sa mukha ko na para bang naghahanap s’ya ng clue roon kung anong gusto kong sabihin sa kanya.

I started to play with my fingers as I was feeling skittish under his gaze. I tried to gather my courage. Kailangan ko na talagang sabihin sa kanya ang lahat.

I took another deep breath as I stared back at him.

“I accepted Serj’s offer to take over my father’s position as the Derzhatel Obshchaka .”

Hindi ko pa natatapos ang sinasabi ko pero nakita ko na agad ang pagtutol sa gwapo n’yang mukha. Napangiwi tuloy ako pagkatapos. It was obvious that he didn’t like what I had just said.

“Why in the world—”

He didn’t finish his words. He took a deep breath at mariin pang pumikit na parang pinapakalma n’ya ang sarili n’ya. He looked so confused when he opened his eyes again.

“I told you that the Bratva is brutal, Yelizaveta. I said that because I didn’t want you to get involved with them.”

“I know… But, Devlin, we both know that I am already that involved since the beginning.”

“Pero ibang usapan na ’yung pagkakaroon mo ng position. Your life will never be in peace, Yelizaveta.”

“I was never in peace even before, Devlin. Besides… I did it for you.”

His frown deepened.

“For me?”

I nodded.

“Yes. I accepted the position in exchange for your life. Serj told me that he will give you a chance.”

I think what I said this time made him suffer even more. There was a devastated look in his eyes when he stared at me na nagpasakit din sa akin. I didn’t want to regret my decision as it gave Devlin a chance pero ayoko rin namang masaktan s’ya ng ganito.

“I was going to find another way,” he said. Kahit ang boses n’ya ay may halong sakit.

I shook my head. We needed to face reality.

“No, Devlin. We both know that there’s no other way. With the Bratva and the Irish mob as your enemies, there would be no chance for you.”

I knew my words would hurt him, but it was the truth. Kahit ayoko mang sabihin iyon sa kanya, we needed to face it. We needed to acknowledge the truth.

He swallowed hard. Kitang-kita ko sa buong mukha n’ya ang paghihirap at sakit.

“I hate myself for being so powerless.”

There was a pang inside my chest.I didn’t want him to feel like that. He was not powerless. He has protected me ever since. Na kahit n’ya sa simula pa lang ay alam na n’ya kung sino ako, he still protected me. He didn’t think of me as his punishment. I looked at the real me. He knew the real Yelizaveta despite being inside a gilded cage. He let me feel free.

Inabot ko ang mga kamay ni Devlin at marahang pinisil iyon. I smiled softly at him.

“I was the powerless one, Devlin, until you came. You were protecting me all this time and I didn’t even realize that. I even got mad at you when you didn’t deserve it.”

“I hurt you, so I deserve it.”

Mariina kong umiling.

“No, you don’t. You deserve to live, Devlin. Serj gave us a chance. He gave us a chance to be a complete family.” I tilted my head to the side. “Ayaw mo bang makasama si Ruslan?”

“Of course, I do,” mabilis n’yang sagot. “But you didn’t have to sacrifice your life for me, Yelizaveta.”

I cupped his face. Nginitian ko rin s’ya, hoping that the hurt in his eyes would vanish.

“I want to… And I’m happy that I could do something for you. With me as the derzhatel obshchaka, I have power now. Mapo-protektahan na rin kita. Kayo ni Ruslan.”

Devlin sighed. Napasandal pa sa upuan. May pagtutol pa rin sa mga mata n’ya nang tumingin sa akin.

“I still don’t like it.”

“But I already made a deal with Serj. You just have to help me how to use my power and position wisely. I need you, Devlin. So, please… live.”

Hindi nagsalita si Devlin. Nakitaan ko ng pagtatalo ang mga mata n’ya. Alam kong ayaw ni Devlin sa naging desisyon ko. Pero alam ni Devlin na wala na rin s’yang magagawa because the deal has already been made. Hindi na kami pwedeng umatras pa. Mas magiging magulo pa ang lahat kung sakali. And he also knew that he couldn’t do anything but accept it.

I was just glad that he wasn’t getting mad at me. Iyon kasi ang expected ko. But Devlin was taking it calmly, as if, despite him not wanting the decision I made, he still trusted me.

He took a deep breath and nodded, finally accepting everything.

“I’m guessing that’s the reason why Serj summoned us,” he said, and I nodded.

“Yes. He wants us to do our part of the deal.” Kahit wala pa rin talaga akong ideya kung anong ipapagawa n’ya.

May ilang sandaling tahimik lang si Devlin. Parang may malalim na iniisip. I didn’t know why but it seemed to me that he had an idea on what Serj would make him do as he nodded firmly. Determination was in his eyes.

He then exhaled harshly.

“Let’s just hope that there’s nothing up in Romanov’s sleeves anymore.”

Bumaba na rin kami ng kotse at sumakay sa elevator na nandoon sa basement. Serj told me in the message that we had to go up to the eighteenth-floor kaya iyon ang pinindot ni Devlin na floor. Kinakabahan pa rin talaga ako pero hawak ni Devlin ang kamay ko, squeezing it from time to time to let me know that I wasn’t alone. Kaya hindi na ganoong kagrabe ang kaba ko kumpara kanina.

But when the elevator dinged as we reached the floor, naging grabe ulit ang kaba ko. Sumabay pa ang takot nang sa wakas ay bumukas ang elevator at nakita ko kaagad ang mga taong nandoon.

I frowned when I noticed the floor was empty except for the people there and a desk and a chair in the middle of the room. Nakatingin sa amin ang lahat ng lumabas kami sa elevator at naglakad palapit sa kanila. My grip on Devlin’s hand tightened, but he squeezed back, trying to comfort me.

I didn’t know why it felt like there were many predators and Devlin and I were the prey. Their gaze told me as if they were thinking about how they would rip us into pieces.

“You’re always just in time, Yelizaveta,” Serj, sitting on the chair, greeted me before he nodded at Devlin in acknowledgment. “Alexeev.”

Devlin nodded back.

“Romanov.”

Tiningnan ko lahat ang mga nandoon. Rurik and Kozlov were here. I wasn’t surprised to see someone from the Elite group and someone in the same position as me in Bratva. The two derzhatel obshchaka were both summoned today.

Nakaakbay si Rurik kay Kozlov, who was chewing his gum. Rurik was whispering something to him, and I saw Kozlov look at Devlin before he sneered. I figured they were talking about Devlin, and I didn’t like the expression on their faces. Nang makita ni Kozlov na nakatingin ako sa kanila, pinalobo n’ya ang gum. He did it until it popped while staring at me. Then he smiled knowingly and I had to look away dahil na-realize kong pinapanood ko sila.

My gaze landed on Killian, who was saying something to Serj in a hushed tone. Serj said something back with a scowl on his face that made Killian chuckle. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at tiningnan ang huling taong nandoon.

It was Nikolaj.

I didn’t know why my nervousness and fear doubled when I saw him. His gaze was focused on Devlin at mas lalo pa akong natakot nang makita ang expression sa mukha n’ya na para bang mangyayari ang isang bagay na pinakahihintay n’ya and he couldn’t wait but do it. The only thing that was stopping was that Serj wasn’t giving him the go signal.

Why is Nikolaj here? He is the Bratva’s executioner. Why is the torturer needed to be here today?

“Alexeev.” Napatingin ako kay Serj na tumayo mula sa upuan at pumunta sa isang long end side ng desk. He offered the opposite end to Devlin at walang salitang tumauyo si Serj doon.

I frowned nang pumalit si Nikolaj sa pwesto ni Serj kanina pero hindi naman umupo. Habang si Killian ay umupo sa tabi ko. He didn’t say anything but just winked at me.

“Did Yeliz tell you about the deal that we made?” Serj asked. Nakita ko ang pag-igting ng panga ni Devlin and I even noticed his fists balled to his sides.

“Yes.”

“Then… do you have any idea what we will do today?”

“Yes.”

My frown deepened. Alam ni Devlin kung anong gagawin nila? Ibig sabihin ay hindi ako nagkamali sa nakita ko sa mga mata n’ya kanina.

I looked at Killian, who was watching everything with a smirk on his lips. I could tell that it was amusing him.

“What will they do?” I asked.

Killian looked at me through the corner of his eyes, and I was suddenly reminded of Rio when he did the same back then too.

“Just watch, madame. It’ll be entertaining.”

Entertaining… Rio talks like that too.

“That makes everything easy then. There’s no need to explain how this works to you,” it was Nikolaj this time.

Devlin glared at him.

“I was once in the Bratva, so I know the rules.”

Nikolaj chuckled. Hindi man lang ininda ang galit sa mga mata ni Devlin.

“Shall we begin then?” He looked at Serj and Devlin. When the two men nodded, he reached behind him. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang makita kung anong inilapag n’ya sa table.

A revolver… and three bullets.

“What…” I didn’t even know what to say.

Nikolaj heard me mumble dahil nakita ko ang ngisi n’ya sa akin.

“We’re going to play the game of chance. The Russian Roulette.” Nikolaj’s smirk widened. “Serdtse za serdtse, dusha za dushu.”

A heart for a heart. A soul for a soul.

“An eye for an eye,” Serj said.

Suddenly, everything fell into place. Naintindihan ko kung anong ibig sabihin ni Serj when he told me that he would give Devlin a chance. Naintindihan ko kung anong nangyayari ngayon.

He said a chance. Only a chance. And not that he would let Devlin live.

And Russian Roulette is a game of chance.

My heart hammered against my chest. I began to tremble as I eyed the revolver and the three bullets on the table. But Killian held my arm, stopping me. I now understand why he was here by my side. Dahil alam n’yang pipigilan ko ang laro.

“Don’t interrupt them, madame.” There was a warning in his voice.

“They will kill Devlin,” I managed to croak kahit hindi na ako makahinga nang maayos.

“No. The Pakhan is giving him a chance.”

“Three bullets for your three crimes, Alexeev,” Serj said as Nikolaj took the revolver and the three bullets. “One for betraying the Bratva by making a deal with someone from the Irish mob.” Nikolaj loaded one bullet into one of the chambers. “One for falling in love with Yelizaveta Matveyevna Alslanova and producing a child with her.” Nikolaj loaded another bullet again. “And the last one is for approaching her and her son when the Bratva is already looking for you.” Nikolaj loaded the final bullet in the chamber.

“No…” I mumbled.

Nikolaj spins the cylinder before he locks it. He put it down on the table and took out a coin from his pocket.

“Three bullets in three consecutive chambers,” he said. “Thigh, arm, and chest. The gun will only be spun once. One of you will only get shot in the arm, the other in the thigh and chest. You need to survive getting shot in three minutes.”

He placed something on the table again, and it was so familiar to me. The three-minute sand timer that Serj showed me before.

Bigla ang pagsaklob ng galit sa kabuuan ko. This was Serj’s plan all along! He didn’t tell me! He didn’t explain what he would do to Devlin when he told me that he was giving him a chance! And I was a fool to think and hope that he would let Devlin live!

Fuck! I didn’t learn my lesson! Serj took advantage of my love and hope for Devlin!

“You’re a fucking sly bastard!” I screamed. Lalapit na sana ako kay Serj pero mabilis si Killian at hinawakan ang mga braso ko. I thrashed and tried to get away from him, but it was like fighting a statue. “You’re not being fair! This is not fair!”

“The Russian Roulette is a fair game, Yelizaveta.” Matiim ang titig sa ’kin ni Serj and he even looked as if I insulted him, which just angered me more. “This is a game of chance and luck.”

“You fucking son of a bitch!”

“Oh, yes. I wouldn’t deny that,” he said so casually.

“Careful, madame,” Killian said and his hold on me tightened. “I don’t want you to insult my Pakhan . He is being fair. He is giving Alexeev a chance even when he doesn’t deserve it!”

“Because I made a deal with Serj! And he just played me!”

“Yelizaveta.”

Napatigil ako nang marinig ang kalmadong boses ni Devlin. At hindi ko alam kung bakit napaiyak ako roon. I looked at him, and there was determination in his eyes.

And hope.

I sobbed.

“I’m so sorry, Devlin… I didn’t know they would do this.”

He flashed me a smile na mas nagpaiyak lang sa akin.

“It’s alright. I know. And I am glad that Romanov is giving me this chance. It’s alright, love.”

Damn it. I’m a fool! I was so stupid!

Wala akong nagawa kundi ang umiyak na lang doon. I didn’t have the courage to stop this ridiculous game anymore because of what I saw in Devlin’s eyes.

Hope. He was hoping that he would win this game. He just has to be the one to get shot in the arm.

I felt like I was being a traitor to pray that Serj would be the one to get shot in the thigh and chest.

“Shall we continue?” tanong pa ni Nikolaj and I just glared at him. He smirked and took out a coin. He flipped it in the air and slapped it on the back of his palm, covering it with his other hand.

“Head,” Serj said at hindi na ako nagulat doon. Parang alam din ni Devlin na iyon ang pipiliin ni Serj.

He was the head of the Bratva anyway.

“Tail,” Devlin said.

Nikolaj revealed the coin and he actually chuckled. Doon pa lang ay alam ko na kung ano ang lumabas. He looked at Serj.

“Boss, you want to go first or second?”

I could see that Serj was trying to calculate in his mind. This was a game of luck, but I knew that some would actually calculate the statistics and probability of the game depending on the circumstances. And Serj had the advantage right now to choose.

“I’ll go second.”

Nikolaj took the gun and handed it to Devlin. Walang pag-aalinlangan kinuha iyon ni Devlin habang ako ay nanginginig na talaga ang buong katawan.

I didn’t want this. I didn’t want to watch!

Shit… I don’t like this. I hate this. I hate everything about the Bratva!

Devlin pointed the end of the barrel at his thigh. He cocked the revolver before he finally pulled the trigger.

Click.

Hindi ko alam na hindi na pala ako humihinga when I sighed in relief as the chamber was empty. He passed the gun to Serj. I prayed so hard that the gun would fire as Serj pointed the gun at his thigh and pulled the trigger.

Click.

It was empty. Serj passed the gun to Devlin again.

Shit… shit… shit… Two empty chambers. The odds now of having another empty chamber again are one out of four! Hindi ko alam pero muling itinutok ni Devlin ang baril sa hita n’ya ay alam ko na ang mangyayari.

And then Devlin pulled the trigger.

It fired. The sound was so deafening that I even screamed. At nang muling luminaw ang pandinig ay narinig ko ang malakas na tawa ni Nikolaj.

“You’re a fucking unlucky person, Alexeev!”

I looked at Devlin, and I saw blood seeping through the fabric of his pants. Napaiyak ako nang makita ko ang mga pawis na namumuo sa noo n’ya. But he didn’t even make a sound. He was clenching his jaw so hard, and I knew that the shot actually hurt him.

“No! No! Please, stop this!”

Mas humigpit pa ang kapit ni Killian sa akin when I finally registered what was happening and what would happen. Sinubukan kong kumawala kay Killian at ginamit ko ang buong lakas ko pero mahigpit talaga ang pagkakahawak n’ya.

No! Devlin will lose! He would die!

Serj took the gun at walang pag-aalinlangan itinutok n’ya iyon sa braso n’ya and then he fired the gun. I knew it was loaded and halos mabaliw na ako sa lakas ng tunog at pag-aalala kay Devlin.

I heard Rurik roar a laugh. Naghahalo ang tawa nila ni Nikolaj sa pandinig ko and I think I might actually go crazy as I still tried to get out of Killian’s grip.

And when I saw Serj point the gun at Devlin, I screamed.

“Devlin! No! Fuck, let go of me! No!” I cried. “No! Please, no, Serj!”

Devlin didn’t look at me. Deretso ang titig n’ya kay Serj. He didn’t even move when Serj cocked the revolver.

“No, please! Don’t do this!” I begged. “No!”

Then Serj finally fired the gun.

I sucked in a breath as I watched Devlin fall to the ground. Pinanood ko kung paano kumalat ang dugo sa damit n’ya. I didn’t even realize that Killian let go of me when I ran toward Devlin.

I knelt beside him and struggled as I laid his head down into my lap. Kitang-kita ko ang sakit at paghihirap sa mukha n’ya. I cried so hard habang inilapat ko ang mga kamay ko sa dibdib n’ya, putting pressure to his wound to help stop the bleeding. Kumalat ang dugo n’ya sa mga kamay ko.

“Love…” he mumbled with so much struggle as I cried. Nakita ko ang mga luha kong bumagsak sa mukha n’ya. “It’s a-alright…”

Mas lalo lang akong napaiyak doon. I was crying so hard. Nanlalabo ang paningin ko but I blink the tears away. I wanted to see his face. I wanted to look at him.

“Devlin…” I sobbed. I was crying so loud as I cried. “Please… I need you. I love you. Don’t leave me.”

Devlin tried to smile, but he winced in pain. Nag-panic ako nang makitang halos mapapapikit na ang mga mata n’ya.

“No! Please! Stay awake! Stay with me!”

I noticed someone put something beside Devlin. Nag-angat ako ng tingin at nakita ko si Serj. His one arm dripped with so much blood from his gunshot wound.

He looked down at Devlin at nakita ko ang sand timer na inilagay n’ya sa tabi ni Devlin.

“Survive, Alexeev,” he said. “Survive in three minutes, and I promise I’ll give you a new life.”

Chapter 40

It was the longest three minutes of my life.

I was crying so hard as I pressed my hands on the gunshot wound on Devlin’s chest, begging for him to stay awake and not to close his eyes. Malabong-malabo ang paningin ko dahil sa mga luhang hindi na naubos sa mga mata ko. My heart felt as if someone was squeezing it as I listened to Devlin ragged and wheezing as he tried to breathe.

It was the only thing that told me that he was still alive. That wheezing breath of his. I hated it as it was proof of how much he was suffering from his wound and how much he was trying to hold on to life. But I didn’t want that wheeze to stop. I didn’t want him to stop breathing, no matter how much he was hurting right now.

I didn’t realize three minutes was too long until now. Halos basagin ko na ang sand timer para maubos agad ang mga buhanging bumabagsak mula roon. I had never wished for the time to pass by quickly until today. Hindi ko alam kung anong mangyayari kapag naubos na ang tatlong minute, but I was still holding on to what Serj had said, that he would give life to Devlin if he survived.

And then the last sand finally fell.

Halos magwala ako nang may pwersang humigit sa akin mula kay Devlin. They were saying something, but I couldn’t understand as I was screaming and thrashing around, trying to break free from that steel grip that was holding me. I was shouting at them not to touch Devlin, especially when I saw Kozlov knelt beside him. I tried to kick him away pero inalayo ako nang kung sino mang humahawak sa akin mula kay Kozlov.

Kozlov was doing something to Devlin, earning a groan from him as if he was in a lot of pain. I tried to reach for Kozlov to keep him away from Devlin pero masyadong mahigpit ang pagkakahawak sa akin ng kung sino at natitigan ko ang ginagawa ni Kozlov.

I realized then what was going on. He was giving Devlin first aid.

Naging mabilis na para sa akin ang mga pangyayari. Devlin was sent to the nearby hospital. May mga nurses na sumalubong sa amin na para bang inaasahan na nila ang pagdating ni Devlin doon dahil hindi na sila nagtanong sa kung anong nangyari. I was confused at first when Kozlov was giving orders to the nurses, and they just followed whatever he said. At kahit sa gulong-gulong isip ko ay may isa pa akong napagtanto.

Kozlov is a doctor.

Ipinasok nila sa operating room si Devlin and I was left alone outside. I had been waiting since then. Hindi ko na alam kung ilang oras na ang lumipas. I just sat there, waiting for any nurses or doctors to come out, hoping that they would give me good news about Devlin. But no one has come out since then.

Habang tumatagal ang operation ay mas lalong lumalala ang kaba ko. I didn’t know that I was still crying until I rubbed my face with my hands, dampening my palms with tears and smudging the dried blood on my hands. Mas lalo akong napaiyak nang makita kung gaanong karaming dugo ang dumikit sa mga kamay ko at sa damit ko.

There was so much blood. I sobbed when I remembered how Devlin looked earlier. He already had a gunshot wound on his thigh, then he suffered for three more minutes with a gunshot wound on his chest. I didn’t know if anyone could survive losing so much blood like that.

Fuck… Please let Devlin live. Hindi ko kakayanin kung mawala s’ya. I love him so fucking much. He suffered so much because of him. He didn’t deserve to die like this.

Let him live, please. And I promise I will do anything to make him happy. I will show him how much I love him with every passing day. Hindi ko na ulit hahayaang may masayang na araw, oras, o panahon sa pagitan naming dalawa.

I closed my eyes tightly but opened them again as an image of Devlin full of blood etched in my mind. Mas lalo akong napahagulhol. Hindi ko na yata makakalimutan iyon. I will never forget the image of him, breathing hard and wheezing as he tried to stay awake.

I love him so much… Please don’t take him away from me.

Mabilis akong napatayo nang bumukas ang double doors ng operating room. I saw Kozlov in his scrub suit, looking tired. He frowned as soon as he saw me. Nakita ko pa na pinasadahan n’ya ako ng tingin.

“You didn’t leave?” he asked.

“How is he?” mabilis kong tanong. Hindi ko pinansin ang tanong n’ya. Although I think there was someone with me earlier, telling me to clean up at least. Pero hindi ko pinansin ang kung sino man na ’yon dahil sa sobrang pag-aalala kay Devlin.

Kozlov took a deep breath.

“He lost too much blood. The bullet in his chest was in a critical place, but we managed to take it out. But a half-inch to the left, and he wouldn’t live for that long.”

The blood drained from my face. Nakaramdam ako ng panlalamig at nawalan ng lakas ang mga tuhod ko. Kozlov was quick to catch me in the arm, and I tried to steady myself as I grabbed my arm away from him.

“So… how is he?” I asked. Masyadong mahina ang boses ko pero mukhang narinig naman n’ya.

“He’s stable now. We just have to wait for him to wake up and he’ll be fine.”

Napatitig ako sa mukha ni Kozlov.

“He’s okay? He’s really okay? Are you sure?”

There was an irritation that passed through his eyes, but the tick on his jaw told me that he was holding his anger back.

“Do not question my profession, Miss Aslanova. I am good at doing my job.”

Hindi ko alam pero nanlabo ang paningin ko roon. I could feel hope start to bud inside my chest.

“Then… okay na talaga si Devlin?”

I asked in Tagalog but Kozlov nodded.

“Yes… He is stable now.”

“Oh, god…”

This time, tuluyan nang nawalan ng lakas ang mga tuhod ko. Kozlov helped me to sit on the bench there as the relief flooded into me. Muling tumulo ang mga luha ko but this time it was because of a relief.

“Thank you…” Maybe I shouldn’t thank him as he was in the Bratva that I hate so much pero lumabas na iyon sa bibig ko.

“You need to eat,” he said, as expected from a doctor.

Sinubukan kong punasan ang mga luha ko but I realized there was still blood on my hands. I really need to wash them off. Ginamit ko na lang ang sleeves ng damit ko.

I looked at Kozlov, who was just watching me. There was tiredness in his eyes. I looked at the wall clock there, and I was surprised to find out that the operation took six hours.

I should talk to the babysitter to look after Ruslan. Baka magising na iyon. Or maybe, kay Rio ko na lang ulit ipapaalaga muna si Ruslan. Just until they put Devlin into a private room and I made sure that he was really okay.

Ibinalik ko ang paningin kay Kozlov.

“You’re a doctor,” I stated.

He chuckled softly.

“I believe we haven’t been properly introduced yet.” He offered his hand. “I’m Valefor Mikhailovich Kozlov, a surgeon, and the Derzhatel Obshchaka under the security group.”

Tinanggap ko ang pakikipag-kamay n’ya.

“I’m Yelizaveta Matveyevna Aslanova.”

“I know… You can stop worrying now. Alexeev will live.”

I nodded. Mas lalo akong nakampante sa sinabi n’ya.

“Okay.”

Something beeped from him. He took it out of the front pocket of his scrub, and I saw that it was a pager. He checked it before looking back at me.

“I have to go,” he said. “And eat, Miss Aslanova. You look pale. The Pakhan wouldn’t want you to be the next one to get hospitalized.”

I scoffed. Hindi ko lang mapigilan. After everything that happened, I don’t think the Pakhan would worry about me.

“Right.”

“Take it easy on him. You realized why I was summoned too today, right?”

Napatigil ako. Sa totoo lang, inakala kong nandoon din si Valefor dahil pareho kami ng position. Until he pointed it out and I finally realized why Kozlov was there too.

Because he is a doctor. I was sure that he would give first aid to Serj if he ever was the one that got shot in the thigh and chest. But he gave first aid to Devlin first when the Pakhan was also wounded.

Valefor smirked at me.

“I guess you haven’t. And I think I also have to tell you that the Pakhan is a sharpshooter. He rarely misses his shot. Especially when the target is just in front of him with no obstacles.” He then winked at me. “See you around, Miss Aslanova.”

Nang mailipat si Devlin sa private room ay nag-stay na muna ako roon. I washed the blood off my hands, but I still looked like a mess. I realized that I really needed to go home and get change. Umuwi na rin ako kaagad na alam kong tulog pa si Ruslan dahil ayokong maabutan n’yang ganito ang itsura ko. I didn’t want him to know what happened.

As I took a quick bath, my mind went back to what Valefor had said. He said that Serj rarely missed his shot, and he said that a little to the left of the bullet and Devlin wouldn’t live. It gave me the impression that Serj knew his aim. On Devlin’s chest, but still enough for him to live. And I guess, nakatulong din ang first aid na ibinigay ni Valefor.

I was confused. I don’t understand why Serj did that. Why did he do that if he wasn’t planning to kill Devlin?

A chance to live… They played Russian Roulette to give Devlin the chance to live. And now that he survived, what will happen next? What did Serj mean when he said that he would give Devlin a new life?

Tulog pa si Ruslan kaya nagbilin na lang ako sa babysitter bago umalis. I haven’t eaten yet, but I didn’t feel any hunger pero nakaramdaman ako ng panghihina. I just ordered a sandwich at habang nasa byahe ay kumakain ako.

I went back to Devlin’s room and I was surprised to see someone else inside. It was my dad. He was sitting on the sofa as if binabantayan n’ya si Devlin.

“Dad…” I closed the door and walked toward him.

He stood up and spread his arms.

“ Dochka …“

Hindi ko alam pero sa isang salitang iyon ay napaiyak ako. I knew that my eyes were puffy sa walang tigil na pag-iyak ko kanina pero hindi ko alam na may iiiyak pa pala ako. Pumaloob ako sa mga bisig ni Daddy and when I felt him wrap his arms around me, I cried like a child inside her parent’s arms.

I was still mad at him, but having him here right now gave me comfort. I didn’t even realize that I needed comfort. Iniyak ko sa dibdib n’ya ang mga nangyari kanina, ang makitang punong-puno si Devlin ng dugo at naghihingalo. Iniiyak ko sa kanya ang pag-aalalang naramdaman ko kanina, ang mga pangit na senaryong pumasok sa isip ko habang nasa loob si Devlin ng operating room.

And most of all, I cried in relief that Devlin looked okay now. Kailangan lang na magising s’ya for the doctor to check if there’s any problem. I cried in my father’s arms, realizing that it had been so long since I was inside his arms.

My father was here, giving me support. Naabutan kong binabantayan n’ya si Devlin. After what happened, after what Devlin’s parents did to my mom, I realized that Dad stillhas a soft spot for Devlin. Siguro hindi malaki but at least I knew he was worried about Devlin too.

“You heard what happened?” tanong nang humiwalay na ako sa kanya at bahagya na akong kumalma. I was still sobbing and Dad handed me a bottle of water in the mini fridge that was inside the room. Magkatabi kaming umupo sa sofa nandoon.

“Yeah… I came as quickly as I could.” He glanced at Devlin. “How is he?”

“He’s fine… Valefor told me that we just had to wait for him to wake up.”

“What about Ruslan? Who’s looking after him?” Nakita ko ang pag-aalangan sa mukha n’ya. “I can look after him if it’s okay with you.”

Nakaramdam ako ng sakit at guilt doon. I had never let him get close with Ruslan. I was afraid that Dad might hurt him just like he had hurt me before. I didn’t want Ruslan to get hurt emotionally, just like what I received from my dad.

I tried so hard to be a good mom for Ruslan, but I realized that it was hard. It was hard not to make a mistake being a parent. It was hard to keep your child safe. You’d do anything for them and ensure their safety. I realized then why my father did what he did. He kept me safe, but he also hurt me in the process. At iyon ang ayaw kong mangyari kay Ruslan.

I was afraid that I might be hurting him while trying to keep him safe.

Kaya iniwasan ko si Daddy. I didn’t want to be like him. It was so unfair for dahil ginawa n’ya lang ang paraang alam n’ya para maprotektahan ako. And yet I took it against him. I was a bad daughter too. I had never thanked him for all his sacrifices, for loving me, for giving everything I needed, and for trying to fill in my mother’s absence at the same time. Alam kong mahirap para sa kanya ang pagkawala ni Mommy pero hindi n’ya ako pinabayaan. Instead, he loved me so much that it hurt.

“You’d do that?” tanong ko kay Dad na mukhang ikinagulat n’ya.

“Yes, Yeliz. I will look after my grandson while you’re taking care of Alexeev.”

Nanlabo ang paningin ko. Hindi na n’ya ako pinagbabawalang makita si Devlin.

“You’ll let me see Devlin? You’re letting me take care of him?”

Dad took a deep breath. Sumandal s’ya sa backrest na para bang biglang napagod.

“Someone once told me that the more you stop your children, the more they will rebel. I believe that was why when you asked me to become a model, I let you even when I was really against it. Because I didn’t want you to rebel against me, Yelizaveta. I wasn’t just expecting that it would happen when you fell in love with your bodyguard.”

Napangiwi ako. I wanted to argue. But I know that he was right. I rebelled against him. Sumuway naman talaga ako sa kanya. I had a relationship with Devlin behind my father’s back.

“I didn’t know what to do,” he continued. “I was against you and Alexeev as I know who he really was. I didn’t want you to get hurt if you came to learn the truth. I was afraid that Alexeev might hurt you. I was afraid that… that you’d get involved more with the Bratva.”

“You really didn’t want me to be in the Bratva?”

“I just want you to enjoy your life, dochka . To live freely. To not be anxious all the time because you’re afraid that enemies will attack you anytime. I didn’t want you… I didn’t want you to have this kind of life.”

“But it doesn’t sound so bad. You have a lot of people to protect you. You were so good at your job, Dad. You were so loyal to the Bratva.”

“Yes… Because the Bratva is a family. We protect each other. But your life will not be normal. There will always be enemies around you. And I didn’t want that for you.”

“Then why… why would you let Ruslan be in the Bratva then?” may hinanakit kong tanong sa kanya.

Mariing napapikit si Daddy. There was guilt etched on his face.

“I have no excuse for that. I was just thinking of my daughter. You are my daughter, Yelizaveta. Your mother left you in my care. And I ought to do anything for your safety.” He stared at me. “But I love Yeruslan as well. Do not ever mistake that.”

“I was so hurt, Dad. I … couldn’t understand you before because you didn’t tell me anything. You just did whatever you what and hurt me in the process. But… now that I am a parent as well, I came to understand you. Because I’ll do anything to protect my son too.”

Napasulyap si Daddy sa wala pa ring malay na si Devlin. Nakita kong isa-isa n’yang tinitigan ang mga tubong nakakabit sa katawan ni Devlin bago n’ya ako seryosong tinitigan.

“This will not be the last, Yelizaveta. Now that you are the Derzhatel Obshchaka , you will come to have many enemies too. Are you prepared for that kind of life? Are you sure you wanted to give that kind of life to your son?”

I stared back at my dad. Sinubukan kong hanapin ang pagtutol sa dibdib ko pero wala akong makita. Right then, I already knew my answer to him.

“As long as I could save Devlin and give Ruslan the family he deserves, then yes, Dad. I know Devlin will protect us. I know that I can protect my family now.”

“And the Bratva will protect you too.”

Hindi ko nagsalita na ikinangiti ni Daddy. Mukhang alam n’ya ang nararamdaman ko tungkol sa Bratva pero wala namang sinabi. He took a deep breath bago n’ya inabot ang mga kamay ko.

“You are just like your mother,” puno ng pagmamahal na sabi n’ya. “She was this brave too.”

“Really?”

“Yes… She wasn’t afraid of the enemies. She was fine just to keep you safe and help me with the Bratva.”

I smiled at them.

“Then, I guess, I take after her.”

Dad chuckled. Pero maya-maya ay masuyong ngumiti sa akin.

“If that’s your decision, dochka , then… I have nothing else to say.”

Dad left to take care of Ruslan. With him looking after my son, hindi na ako masyadong nag-aalala. Hindi ko naman gustong papuntahin si Ruslan sa hospital nang tulog pa si Devlin. I wouldn’t want him to worry, so I was waiting for Devlin to wake up first. Valefor already assured me na nagbabawi lang ng lakas si Devlin and that he would wake up anytime.

I stayed for the whole day at the hospital. Nang gumabi na ay isang hindi inaasahang bisita ang nagbukas ng pinto ng private room ni Devlin.

It was Serj.

Mabilis akong tumayo nang pumasok s’ya sa loob at tumayo sa tabi ng kama ni Devlin, looking down at him, checking the vital monitor and every tube that were connected to Devlin. I was on guard. I was actually waiting for him to do something that might hurt Devlin. No one could ever blame me for acting like this after I saw him shoot Devlin in the chest.

“How is he?” tanong ni Serj na nakatingin pa rin kay Devlin. Parang hinahanapan pa ng ibang sugat kahit alam na naman kung saan ang tama ng baril ni Devlin.

“Valefor said that he’ll wake up anytime soon,” I said, still on guard.

“Hm. Then he’s okay.” He then looked at me. He cocked his head toward the door. “Walk with me.”

He turned around and didn’t even wait for me as he headed toward the door. Pero nang buksan n’ya ang pinto ay lumingon s’ya sa likod para siguruhing nakasunod ako sa kanya. I then sighed and finally decided to follow him.

We really needed to talk.

I followed him to the back of the hospital and realized that there was a small park there solely for the patients to hang out in case they felt stuffy inside their room. Hindi ko alam na may ganoon doon. Hindi na rin ako magtataka kung paano nalaman ni Serj ang lugar na ’yon as Valefor works in the hospital.

He took out something from his pocket, and I realized it was a cigarette as he put it in his mouth. He took out a windproof vintage lighter that created a thin sound in the air when he flicked the cover-up. Sinindihan n’ya ang sigarilyo at humithit ng ilan bago ibinuga ang usok.

I frowned. Is smoking allowed here?

“How are you feeling?” he asked. Bahagya n’ya akong nilingon na nakatayo lang sa tabi n’ya n’ya.

“I watched the man I love get shot in the thigh and leg, saw him suffering for three minutes before given first aid.” I looked at him. “What do you think?”

Serj actually chuckled, and I had the urge to shout at the Pakhan of the Bratva. But I held my anger in. He is now my Pakhan too, whether I like it or not and I ought to follow him.

“I already figured that you would be mad at me. That was why I wanted to talk with you.” He puffed another smoke. “How much can you do to protect your family, Yelizaveta?”

“Anything. I would do anything for my family.”

He stared at me.

“You’re willing to do that much?”

“Yes,” walang pag-aalinlangan kong sagot.

“Are you willing to kill for them?”

I was startled. Hindi ko inaasahan na ganoon agad ang itatanong n’ya. But he was staring hard at me as if he was weighing me. And I figured this was him trying to test me as the Derzhatel Obshchaka.

I stared back at him.

“Yes.”

May ilang sandaling nakatitig lang sa akin si Serj. I always knew that his gaze could make me tremble in fear, but I held his gaze. Gusto kong malaman n’ya na nakahanda akong gawin ang lahat para kay Devlin at Yeruslan.

“What will you do when someone you trust betrays you and endangers your family?” he asked after a while.

I fought the urge to frown. Nagtataka sa mga tanong n’ya. Pero sinagot ko pa rin s’ya.

“I won’t ever forgive them.”

His lips twitched. Nakita kong pinipigilan n’ya ang ngumiti. He puffed a smoke again and blew it. The wind carried the smoke.

“That’s how it is for me, Yelizaveta. The Bratva is my family. I must punish anyone who wronged or endanger anyone in the Bratva or the Bratva itself.”

My eyes widened. I suddenly realized what he was trying to say. He was talking about Devlin!

“Devlin committed a crime that was punishable by torture and death. But a certain woman made a deal with me to give him another chance. And that’s what I did. I gave Alexeev a chance.”

“With Russian Roulette,” masama ang loob na sabi ko.

He gave me a smile.

“I told you; it is a game of chance. It was the perfect thing to do with Alexeev.”

“Was that really necessary? To hurt him? Kailangan ba talagang masaktan s’ya sa chance na binigay mo?”

“Yes, Yeliz,” walang pag-aalinlangan n’yang sagot. “I needed to be fair. I needed to do that. Hindi ko pwedeng basta na lang hayaan si Alexeev when he committed the crime. If I did, then the enemies would view the Bratva as weak, that it was that easy to be forgiven by the Pakhan . Worse, other members would also disobey me thinking that I would also forgive them easily.”

I understand where he was coming from. Naiintindihan ko naman. Pero hindi pa rin maalis sa isip ko ang duguang si Devlin at naghihingalo sa tama ng baril sa dibdib n’ya.

I wouldn’t be able to recover from it. At patuloy akong matatakot at masasaktan sa tuwing maaalala ko iyon.

“I needed Alexeev to pay for his crimes,” Serj continued. “I needed to do that to give him another chance in life.”

With that, he reached something inside the breast pocket of his coat. Ibinigay n’ya iyon sa akin at dalawang papel iyon na nakatupi sa tatlo. I opened them.

At first, I didn’t realize what I was looking at until I looked at the second paper.

“This is…” I looked at Serj. “This is what you mean when you say that you’d give him a new life.”

He nodded.

“I am a man of my word, Yelizaveta.”

I couldn’t believe it. Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala kahit na hawak ko na ang katunayan noon. My eyes blurred with tears as hope engulfed my chest like a scorching flame.

“From now on,” Serj said. “Devlin Antonovich Alexeev is dead.”

Tulala pa rin ako nang makabalik sa kwarto ni Devlin. Hindi ko inaasahan na iyon pala ang ibig sabihin ni Serj. The proof was still in my hands. Hindi ko tuloy agad napansin na gising na si Devlin at nakaupo na sa kama. Nakatulala lang ako sa kanya at pakiramdam ko ay nananaginip pa ako.

“You’re… awake.”

Wala na ang oxygen na nakakabit sa kanya. He smiled at me. Nag-uunahang bumagsak ang mga luha ko nang makita ang pamilyar na ngiti na iyon. The one where it showed a dimple on his left cheek.

Sinugod ko s’ya ng yakap. I heard an oomph from him pero hindi ako bumitiw sa kanya. I hugged him so tight as if my life depended on him.

He’s awake! Oh, god. He’s okay! He’s awake now! Makakausap ko na ulit s’ya! Makikita ko na ulit ang mga ngiti n’ya.

He looked a dead beat tired, but I knew that he was really fine now. Kailangan n’ya lang magpahinga.

“I’m sorry if I worried you,” rinig kong masuyong sabi n’ya at hinaplos pa ang buhok ko. His voice sounded hoarse and I was suddenly reminded of the state that he was in.

Mabilis akong humiwalay sa kanya.

“Tatawag lang ako ng nurse—”

“No,” pigil n’ya sa akin nang akmang pipindutin ko na ang nurse call button. “I have something to ask you first. It was the first thing in my mind when I woke up.”

I wiped the tears off my face and sat properly on the side of the bed.

“Okay… What is it?”

He held my hands. There were so many emotions in his dark eyes as he stared at me.

“Yelizaveta, will you marry me?”

I blinked. Hindi ko inaasahan ang tanong n’ya at may ilang sandaling nakatitig lang ako sa kanya na para bang biglang tumigil sa paggana ang utak ko. I stared at him; that was why I saw how he slowly got anxious nang may ilang minute na ang lumipas at hindi pa rin ako nagsasalita.

I took a deep breath. I tried to calm my heart, which was beating crazy inside my chest.

“I was outside because I talked with Serj,” I said.

He frowned. Parang nalito kung bakit binanggit ko iyon.

“With Serj?”

I nodded. Hawak ko pa rin pala ang binigay na mga papel sa akin ni Serj.

“I just realized that he purposely missed the shot in your chest.”

Tumango si Devlin.

“I realized that too.”

“And Valefor was there to give aid to whoever would get shot in the thigh and chest.”

He nodded again.

“Yes.”

I took a deep breath. So he knew all of that. He realized all of that noon pang nasa floor kami na ’yon. Ako lang pala ang hindi.

“Serj told me that Devlin Antonovich Alexeev is now dead.”

He blinked. He looked so confused that I fought the urge to smile.

“What…” He looked so lost. “Huh…?”

I really chuckled this time. Hinawakan ko ang mga kamay n’ya.

“You’re not Devlin Antonovich Alexeev anymore.”

“What…?” Litong-lito pa rin s’ya. “Then I’m nameless now? Would you be willing to marry a nameless man?”

This time, natawa na ako. I leaned in and kissed him on the lips as I smiled at me.

“You’re not nameless… From now on, you’re Gavriil Volkov.” Mas lumawak ang ngiti ko. “Nice to meet you, Gavriil.”

I didn’t realize how forbidden he was to me before. I was just happy being with him, oblivious of all the sufferings he was feeling deep inside as he spent time with me.

I realized that I was selfless. I wanted the feeling of being free with him while he was feeling more and more like a prisoner with me. I was ignorant. I was too focused on my own feelings without asking him for anything else.

Even forbidden, he still desired me. Even if he was not allowed to, he still wanted me. Even with those circumstances, he still protected me; he still made me happy. He offered me everything else he could while I offered him danger without me even knowing that. He still loved me even if it cost him everything.

He gave me Ruslan. He gave me all the happiness in this world. He gave me protection. And with his arms, he offered me shelter. A free shelter for what was once a bird inside the gilded cage.

But I wouldn’t be the same naïve girl anymore. I would give him protection. I would give him the shelter he deserves, where he would feel free and loved in this world. With our family, I would give him happiness.

I will offer him love and safety. With me and our son.

I smiled at him and planted another kiss on his lips. This time, it was a deep one. At nang humiwalay ako sa kanya ay punong-puno ng pagmamahal ko s’yang tiningnan.

“And yes, Gavriil Volkov. I will marry you.”

Finally… we’re not forbidden anymore. We can now love each other freely.

Epilogue (Part 1)

My grip on the gun was just the right strength, not too tight, not too loose. My gun arm was steady as I tried to calculate the wind and the distance for better accuracy. I was already used to this, but I still kept in my mind what my dad had taught me, especially since he was watching me. Kapag may nakita s’yang mali, then we would start training from the top, and I was already tired of that.

Fuck… I just want this to be over today.

When I was finally sure that I would hit the target, I pulled the trigger, and the gun fired. I slowly exhaled and put down the gun. I checked the target board where the bullet had landed, and I saw a new hole just between the eyes of the target. I heard several claps behind me, which I knew came from my dad.

“Good work, Devlin!” My dad clamped his hand on my shoulder before tapping it. “I knew you had it in you.”

I massaged my hand as I looked at him.

“Are we done for today? I want to rest.”

Natawa si Dad. Hindi ko alam kung bakit but I just let him loop his arm around my shoulder. Ginulo n’ya ang buhok kong ikinainis ko.

“Dad, stop! I’m not a kid anymore!”

Mas lalong natawa si Dad. He liked doing that thing to me since I was a kid. There was even a time in my life when I didn’t bother fixing my hair dahil ginugulo n’ya lang naman at nawawalan ng silbi ang pag-aayos ko. He didn’t even care if I just fixed my hair and was about to go to school. Kapag naisip n’ya, gagawin n’ya talaga.

And he was doing it till now.

“I just want to see an expression from you,” he said. “You’re too serious, son.”

“So, can I go now?”

“Not yet. You still have one training left.”

I frowned. He already said that an hour ago.

“There’s still more?”

He chuckled.

“You know, son, I like that emotionless look on your face whenever you’re shooting target. It’s as if you don’t care about the life of anyone who’s in front of you. And that’s an important trait of a leader.”

I wanted to tell him that the shooting target didn’t have any life so there was no need to feel sympathy from them. But he was too happy and he even looked proud of me kaya hindi na lang ako nagsalita.

“Will it be the same if it’s a real target?”

My frown deepened.

“What?”

He grinned at me and I didn’t like the glint I saw in his eyes. I always recognized that look. He always gave me that look whenever my training became more intense. At mas nakakakaba ang tingin na ibinibigay n’ya sa akin ngayon.

“For your next target, it will be the next person, Devlin.”

Right after he said that I saw two of his kryshas go inside the training room. They were dragging someone, who I recognized as one of my dad’s boyeviks , who looked bloodied and beaten up. They dragged him to the target board and forced him to stand up.

Napatingin ako kay Dad. I didn’t know what expression I was wearing right now but Dad smirked at me.

“He’ll be your new target, Devlin.”

What the fuck?

I just stared at my dad, trying to see the joke on his face because all of this sounded so ridiculous. But all I could see was the merciless glint in his dark eyes and I knew that he was serious.

“What’s his crime?” I asked. If he’s innocent, then I’m out of this.

Dad stared at me. Hindi yata nagustuhan ang tanong ko.

“You should learn how to be ruthless, Devlin. With crime or not, you should always be ready to kill people, or they will kill you when you least expect it.” He cocked his head to the man. “He’s a traitor. Your mom almost died because of him.”

“What…?”

“Shoot him, Devlin. Make him pay for his crime. Traitors are meant to be killed.”

I looked at the man. He was badly beaten up. Even if I didn’t kill him, he would die. But my dad wanted me to end him. Suddenly, the gun in my hand felt so heavy that I couldn’t even lift my arm.

This was a different training. Ibang-iba sa mga ipinagawa sa akin ni Dad noon. But deep inside me, I always knew that it would come to this. That I would have my first kill. Kasi bakit pa ako tinuturuan ni Dad on how to use a gun if I wouldn’t kill someone someday?

I knew that but… I wasn’t ready. I didn’t know that it would be today.

Muli kong tiningnan ang lalaki. He was already out of himself. I had thought that if I killed him, he would even thank me for ending his suffering.

But I couldn’t. Fuck, I don’t want to kill anyone.

Siguro ay nabasa ni Dad ang iniisip ko as I heard him tsk.

“Kill him, Devlin! He’s a traitor! Your mom almost died because of him!”

“Dad—”

“Kill him! Or are you waiting for your mom to die first before you make him pay for his crime?”

I took several deep breaths. I imagine my mom dying. I couldn’t bear it. I don’t want my parents to die. I love them. I love them even though they train me excessively. I love them even though they are ruthless.

“I said kill him, Devlin! Kill him before he kills your mother!”

I screamed as I lifted my arm and pointed the gun at the man. I was shaking but I managed to point it at the man’s head before I finally pulled the trigger. The sound was deafening but I didn’t look away as the bullet pierced through the man’s head. Dad laughed when the man fell to the floor, clearly dead.

“Nice work, on!” Dad clamped his hand on my shoulder. “I am so proud of you! See? I knew you could do it. Was that so hard?”

I wanted to tell him yes. Yes, it was so fucking hard. That was my first fucking kill. I wasn’t used to killing people and my whole body was trembling right now.

I just killed someone. I killed a man. I… I had my first kill.

And I knew that it wouldn’t be the last.

“I know that you will be a great leader.” There was pride in his voice. “Don’t let them see your weak side.”

I looked at him. There was something in what he had said that didn’t sit right.

“How can I be a good leader?” I frowned. “You’re a brigadier, Dad.”

His smile was mysterious.

“For now.”

At that time, I didn’t quite understand what he meant. I didn’t understand why there were people I didn’t recognize visiting our house. They didn’t look like his men. They didn’t even look Russian. But whenever I asked my parents who they were, they would just tell me that they were planning something that would greatly help our family.

And then, one day, a man with his daughter visited our house.

“They are talking about our marriage, you know.”

I looked at Fiadh, the daughter of that man. She was a few years younger than me. We were in the back garden and the adults were talking at the parlor of our house.

“I don’t want to marry you.”

She giggled. She didn’t look offended. In fact, she looked relieved.

“I actually feel the same, Devlin.”

I should’ve asked my parents what they were on about. I should’ve told them that I wanted to know what they were doing. I should’ve insisted that I needed to know all that was happening as I was the next brigadier and they shouldn’t have left me out. That I needed to know what was happening to the family.

Because if I did, maybe I could’ve prevented what would happen to them. I could’ve talked some sense to them, that what they were doing was dangerous. That it wasn’t good.

That they were committing treason and the Pakhan wouldn’t give them any mercy once he found out about it.

And I was right. Because the next thing I knew, my parents were killed. Right in front of me.

The Pakhan’s two spies shot them multiple times like they weren’t human. As if they were just guinea pigs. They let them bleed out, slowly dying. And the Pakhan was watching it all as if that was the most interesting show he’d ever seen in his entire life. As if my parents’ lives were beneath him.

Driven by rage, I attacked the Pakhan. I wanted to avenge my parents. They didn’t do anything wrong pero bakit ganoon na lang sila kung pagbabarilin ng Sovietnik at Obshchak ? I knew the Pakhan ordered it! All of the orders from the Bratva came from him!

Haven’t my parents helped him? I knew the story about the Pakhan and how he tried to prove himself to everyone that he would be a good leader. And my parents supported him! So why he would let them die like they were a bunch of pigs?

But the Bratva’s executioner, the Obshchak , was fast enough to block my blow. We fought. I didn’t have any gun on me. Fuck all I could do was to block all his attacks, avoiding his knife. But he was fast and the next thing I knew, his knife was buried deep in my chest.

I cried in pain as the Obshchak punched me before he pulled out the knife in my chest and I fell to the floor. I looked at my parents’ lifeless bodies, silently apologizing to them that I couldn’t even avenge their unfair deaths.

“The Alexeevs,” the Pakhan said as he looked down on me with a sneer on his face. Fuck, if I could just punch that smirk of his, then I would die happily. “The family of traitors.”

I was bleeding excessively but I glared at him.

“My parents are not traitors!” hirap na hirap na sabi ko.

“ Were ,“ I heard the Sovietnik say. “Because they are now dead.”

Fuck.

“Let me end him, Pakhan,” the Obshchak said but Romanov ignored him. He was just looking down at me and there was a frown forming on his forehead.

“What’s this? You didn’t know?”

I coughed out blood. I was dying. I didn’t care. Maybe this is better.

“Your parents betrayed the Bratva,” Romanov said, ignoring my suffering. “The wife of the Derzhatel Obshchaka died because of them. Your parents sided with the Irish mob to overthrow me and control the Bratva.”

I didn’t want to believe it. My parents were loyal to the Bratva. They supported the Pakhan. They worked hard and the proof was that they often had their meeting with a bunch of people to strengthen the Bratva.

But then, something clicked inside of me.

It was Fiadh and her whole name. Fiadh Ludmilla Hegarty is an Irish name.

Kahit na hirap na hirap ay nilingon ko ang walang buhay na mga katawan ng magulang ko. So, it was true? They betrayed the Bratva? They sided with the Pakhan? Kaya ba hindi ipinapaalam sa ’kin ni Dad ang ginagawa n’ya?

Is that why my dad kept on telling me that I would be a great leader someday? Because he was planning to make me the next Pakhan?

“Your face tells me that you really didn’t know anything,” Romanov said. “And I don’t involve innocent children with their parents’ sins.”

“He’s not a child, Pakhan,” one of the two spies said but the Pakhan ignored them.

“I will spare you, Alexeev, because you are innocent.” Romanov’s voice was muffled and I knew it was because I was losing too much blood.

“Kill me…” I mumbled. “Kill me!”

What’s the use of being alive when I would just be labeled as the traitors’ child? Mas mabuti pang mamatay kaysa sa habang-buhay na nakapatong sa ulo ko ang ginawa ng mga magulang ko! I wouldn’t be able to live in peace, anyway!

“Kill me…” I said, barely a whisper. My vision started to blacken. “Kill me…”

Everything went black after that. And the next time I came around, there was a man I didn’t recognize standing beside my hospital bed.

He smirked at me. I didn’t like the way he was looking at me as if he was watching some kind of a show.

“You’re finally fucking awake.”

I frowned at me.

“Who the hell are you?”

He chuckled, clearly not offended. He even offered his hand to me.

“I’m Vittorio Rossetti, the Godfather, the Don, of the Cosa Nostra. And I have a task for you, Alexeev.”

Epilogue (Part 2)

“D-devil?”

When the small child mispronounced my name, I resisted my urge to smirk. Siguro ay nabulol, as my name is virtually identically spelled.

Perhaps that was just the right name for her because I could be the devil to her. Her mother died as a result of my parents’ actions, but Rossetti and Romanov made me her personal bodyguard.

I had no idea why they had assigned me to guard this tiny kid. Didn’t they consider that I may hurt this child to avenge my parents’ deaths? For what did Romanov do to my parents? Didn’t they assume I wasn’t truly innocent and that this was all part of the plan from the start? To destroy the entire Aslanov?

I didn’t know what the head of the Bratva and the Cosa Nostra were up to and why I was involved with their deal. Rossetti seemed like he was playing a game.

Still, I did what they asked. I didn’t know how to live my life anymore, so perhaps this would allow me to find another purpose in life.

So I continued to guard the girl. I wasn’t sure what to do with her at first. She was really innocent. I knew that her father was keeping everything he was doing to her, including his nasty methods, in the Bratva. She was meant to be the next Derzhatel Obshchaka, and her father should have started training her, but she was nurtured like any other child.

Her father was overprotective of her. Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses n’ya akong pinagbantaan na kung may gagawin akong masama sa anak n’ya, he wouldn’t kill me. Instead, he would make me wish that I was dead for all the things that he planned to do to me if I ever brought hard to his child.

“If not for my Pakhan , I swear you would be death by my hands right now, Alexeev,” Matvey Aslanov said. I was getting worn out of it. Hindi ko alam kung ilang beses na n’yang pinaalala ’yon sa akin.

Yeah, right. If it wasn’t for the Pakhan . Of course, all of this was for Romanov. He was too loyal to his Pakhan . Always for the Pakhan .

And I wasn’t. I was still trying to decide what to do with the girl. I was still enjoying seeing her try to get free of her father’s overprotectiveness. She was really innocent. She had no idea what awaited her out in the world.

“An apple for you, Devlin.”

I looked at the little girl who looked anxious, but there was interest in her eyes as she looked at me. For a moment, I thought of wanting to ruin that innocence in her eyes. Walang kaideya-ideya kung gaano kagulo ang mundong kinabibilangan n’ya. I wanted to hurt her. To let her know who I really was. That it was my parents who killed her mother.

But then I remembered what her father told me. I shouldn’t even be looking at her. Like the apple she had given me, she was like the forbidden fruit.

Especially when she grew up so beautifully. She even became more forbidden to me. It was like having a ripe and juicy fruit just within my reach. But never to be eaten. Never to be touched.

Never to be desired.

She became a model. Hindi na nakakapagtaka. Yelizaveta was so beautiful that anyone would fall for her angelic face. Masyadong maamo at inosente ang mukha n’ya that she was labeled as the angel of the modeling industry.

Yet she had a fiery personality that really interested me. Hindi n’ya itinatago ang pagkadisgusto n’ya sa akin and I tend to poke at that personality of hers. I was glad to know na sa akin n’ya lang ipinapakita ang personality n’yang iyon. Not even to Rio, whom she had a crush on.

I scoffed. Yeah, right. Crush. While I wanted to crush for having feelings for another man. I wanted to crush her until she asked for my help because she couldn’t live without me anymore.

I wasn’t expecting that the interest I was feeling in her would turn into something more… serious.

Finally, I found my purpose in my life again.

It was for Yelizaveta. This time, it became an oath to guard her. I was willing to give everything to her, as she gave me everything. The meaning of my life became hers. S’ya na lang ay meron ako. And I don’t want to lose the one person I have in my life again.

“I can teach you Tagalog, you know,” Fiadh said. I wasn’t sure why she still kept her contact with me sa kabila ng nangyari sa mga magulang ko. “So, you could teach that little girl instead. So, you won’t be jealous of the Godfather anymore.”

I stared at her.

“In exchange for what?” I asked.

She smirked at me.

“Tell me things about the Bratva.”

I knew it was treason, but for Yelizaveta, I was willing to do anything. I wanted to learn Tagalog for her. Tangina, nabubwisit na ako sa tuwing nakikita ko sila ni Rossetti na nag-uusap. I wanted to punish her for laughing with him.

Those laughs, those smiles. They should only be mine.

Yelizaveta should only be mine.

“Why are you such a flirt? Why did you kiss my professor? Why won’t you guard me properly?” she sobbed. “Your attention was supposed to be on me! Only me! Your attention was supposed to be all mine!”

Yes, that’s right, Yelizaveta. Think only of me. Make me yours. This life of mine is yours anyway.

Yet she was still forbidden.

But just like Eve offering the forbidden fruit to Adan, I took it. I wanted to devour her.

I listened to the demon inside of me. I wanted her. I longed for her. I ached for her. Hindi ko na napigillan pa ang sarili ko.

I savored the fruit. I quenched my thirst with its juices. I consumed her, all of her. Even her innocence.

I didn’t care if she was forbidden anymore. I just wanted her. I had nothing, but with her, it felt as if I had everything. It felt as if I was not nothing.

“I’m yours… And you’re mine too, right?” Her lips were brushing mine as she spoke. Putangina. Nakakabaliw.

“Since the beginning, Yelizaveta.

Just like Adan is for Eve. Just like how they both consumed the forbidden fruit.

I knew what we had was forbidden. And sooner or later, we would suffer the consequences. At madadamay s’ya sa lahat ng mga kasalanan ko.

I didn’t want that. I was willing to do everything for her. For her protection. For her safety.

She was my everything. And I didn’t want to lose her.

They found out about our relationship. Pero hindi iyon ang mas naging problema ko.

“They are planning to take your woman,” Fiadh said. “Balakin. You know, he wants to marry her, right?”

That fucking bastard.

“Work with me, Devlin. Give me a way to get in in the Bratva. And I swear I will do anything you want.”

This was a betrayal to the Bratva, and Romanov would definitely find out about this. He was a smart man. He was not a Pakhan for nothing.

But when I found out Balakin was intending to abduct Yelizaveta, I accepted Fiadh’s offer. I didn’t want to work for the Bratva. Not when Romanov had planned to marry Yelizaveta to Vissarion. Romanov would not forgive me now that they knew about our relationship. I did not want to endanger Yelizaveta’s life.

So, I work with Fiadh on the day of the fashion show. I was planning to leave Yelizaveta with Fiadh that day until Romanov would find them. And then, after that, kapag maayos na ang lahat at nakauwi na si Yelizaveta, I would run away with her.

“I’m pregnant.”

My eyes widened. Nakatitig lang ako kay Yelizaveta nang sabihin n’ya ang mga katagang ’yon. Right then, I found a loophole in my plan. I realized that we wouldn’t be able to live normally if we just kept on running away.

Especially now that we have a child.

“I’m pregnant, Devlin. And you’re—”

“Shut up!”

Kinakabahang napatingin ako kay Fiadh. I saw surprise and interest in her eyes as her lips curled into a smirk. Of course, she heard it. Of course, she connected the dots. That it was my child.

Fuck. This was bad. The Irish mafia might find out about this. And they might use it against me.

Yelizaveta is still an Aslanov. They wanted her with or without my child.

Fuck. I fucked up! I need to make another plan.

I was thrilled to know that Yelizaveta was pregnant with my child. But it wasn’t the right time to celebrate. I need to make a plan.

For a while, I considered just going on with my plan of running away with her. With our child. Pero dalawang buhay na ang nanganganib ngayon. I needed to protect them. I needed to protect my family. The Irish mafia and the Bratva would be after us. And maybe the Cosa Nostra too, as I broke what Rio told me to do. To just protect Yelizaveta.

I needed power. Fuck, I hated feeling so powerless right now. I hate that I have nothing. I have nothing to protect Yelizaveta and our child.

A plan. I have to think of a plan.

Who has the power to protect Yelizaveta and my child? Who has enough power to protect my family?

Right then, only one person came into my mind.

Sergei Alexandrovich Romanov. The Pakhan .

Fuck. Obviously, it was him again. For a while, I envied him. I envy his power. I envied his strength. I envy his connections. I despised how powerful he was.

It was a risk for me. Romanov might kill just the sight of me. But I took the risk. For Yelizaveta. Because I would do everything for her and my child.

And so, I made a deal with the Pakhan .

“I should kill you,” Romanov said after I requested an audience with him. Hindi ko inaasahan na pagbibigyan n’ya akong makausap pa s’ya pagkatapos n’yang malaman ang naging deal ko kay Fiadh.

“You can kill me after. But for now, I want to deal with you.”

Romanov chuckled. Both of the two spies were just outside the room. Maybe for us to talk alone or maybe to keep them from killing me dahil mainit na ang dugo sa akin ng dalawa.

“Don’t you think it is too much for a traitor to ask something from the one he betrayed?”

Tinatagan ko ang loob ko.

This is for Yelizaveta. This is for our child.

“I took the risk anyway. I want to take my chances.”

He chuckled. And there was amusement in his eyes. Maybe for my courage.

Good. Just as long he wouldn’t kill me.

“And what, pray tell, is the deal that you want to offer to me?” he asked as he took a sip of his favorite brandy.

Deretso akong tumingin sa mga mata n’ya.

“I want you to protect Yelizaveta and my child. I want you not to spare them both of my crimes.”

“Ah, yes. I’ve heard…” He put down the rock glass on the center table. “You have a child with her. I should kill that child, don’t you think? The child will have Alexeev’s blood. A traitor’s blood.”

I clenched my teeth and balled my fist. I have to calm down. He was provoking me. I shouldn’t forget that he should be killing me right at this moment instead of killing me.

“You said that you don’t involve innocent children with their parents’ crimes.”

He shrugged.

“Things changed.” That was the only thing he had, but I knew it had something to do with what happened to his brother and his woman, Irina Morozova.

“Spare them of my crimes, and I promise to kill Balakin and his men for you.”

This time, the Pakhan raised an eyebrow at me.

“Oh?”

“I promise to do that, Romanov. You can rest assured that I will do everything for my family.”

“Hmm…”

He took the rock glass and swirled it as he stared at the liquid inside. He was thinking. Nakatitig lang ako sa kanya.

“And after that?” he asked. “How would I know if you won’t take Aslanova and your child and run away?”

I gritted my teeth. Tangina, bakit ba kasi ang talino ng taong ’to?

I took a deep breath. Hindi ko inalis ang tingin ko sa kanya nang magsalita ako.

“After that… I will surrender myself. You can kill then.”

The bastard smirked at me.

“Then you got yourself a deal.”

And so, a deal was made. But it was like I made a deal with the devil.

Epilogue (Part 3)

This story finally reached its end. Thank you so much for reading Devlin and Yeliz’s story!

---

For years, I was hunting Balakin’s men. I was jeopardizing all of his business dahil wala akong gustong itira sa kanya before I took care of him last. I wanted him to feel all his losses, hurting and killing everything that was important to him. He threatened to take Yeliz, the most important person in my life, so I wanted to do the same for him. I wanted to get back at him tenfold for everything that he did.

Thinking that he was working with my parents before to overthrow the Bratva got me mad. I hated the man. Maybe if he wasn’t helping my parents, then maybe they wouldn’t even think of betraying the Bratva. Thet they truly didn’t have the power to take down Romanov. Fuck, the Romanov family alone is powerful kaya hindi ko talaga maintindihan kung bakit nila naisip na mapapabagsak nila ang Bratva.

Even if they had the support of the Irish mob. The Irish mob was notoriously quiet and weak. That was why the other mafias wouldn’t even consider them a threat. So, it was surprising to learn that they were responsible for some of the attacks against the Bratva and the Cosa Nostra. I’ve heard about what they did to the Cosa Nostra’s supposed next Godfather and why Vittorio Rossetti became the new Don.

I couldn’t even understand why the Irish mob would work against the Bratva. The Bratva were known for their brutality and violence in their works. And with Sergei Alexandrovich Romanov as the Pakhan , they were invincible.

The Irish mob was bound to fall right from the moment they planned to take down the Bratva. Especially now that it seemed as if the Cosa Nostra was in cahoots with the Bratva.

I used my anger for the Irish mob, for my parents, for the Bratva, and for Rossetti for making it seem as if he was the father of my child, to take down Balakin and his men. For years, iyon lang ang ginagawa ko when I was supposed to be with my family. When I was supposed to be with Yelizaveta and taking care of our child. I left her alone because I have a fucked-up life at nadamay s’ya sa gulo ng buhay.

Fuck it. Why am I so powerless?

When Rossetti took Yelizaveta with him to Italy, I had no choice but to remain in Russia as I still had work to do. I had to keep my end of the bargain with Romanov at hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin n’ya sa pamilya ko kung sakaling babaliin ko ang naging deal ko sa kanya.

And when Rossetti went back to Russia with Yelizaveta and our child, I still had no choice but to remain at the distance, hidden from the sight of them.

They were forbidden to me. Hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa rin pwedeng makuha ang babaeng pinakamamahal ko. And I was afraid that she would forever be forbidden to me.

For the first time in my life, I had something that I wanted. Pero ko malayang makukuha iyon.

So, I remained hidden from them, watching my family from a distance. They were so near and just within my reach, but they weren’t to be touched by me.

“I always know that someone is watching over us like a crazy stalker and I always have the feeling that it is you,” Rossetti said nang sa unang beses ay nahuli n’ya ako sa lugar kung saan kasama n’ya si Yelizaveta at ang anak namin. “I was right.”

I glared at the man. This man was acting like the father of my child when it was supposed to be me. This man was acting as if he was in a relationship with Yelizaveta when it was supposed to be me. Fucking me! Ako dapat ang nasa tabi nila at hindi kung sino pa man!

“I am not watching over you, Rossetti. I’m watching my family.”

The bastard actually chuckled. It was humiliating. Parang pinagtatawanan n’ya ang sitwasyon ko ngayon and I had to remind myself that he was taking care of Yelizaveta and our child and I should thank him for that dahil kung hindi ay baka kanina ko pa nasapak ang taong ’to.

“Don’t give me that look, Alexeev. I’m actually here to help you.”

I gave him the side-eye, not fully trusting whatever was coming out of his mouth.

“What?”

“ Angioletto mio is—“

“Don’t ever call her that. Not in front of me.”

He smirked but there was a warning in his eyes. I cursed inwardly. He is the Don of Cosa Nostra. I shouldn’t take him lightly.

“It is only that I take pity on your situation, Alexeev that I would let you go for disrespecting me. But do not ever cut off my words again, you understand?”

I gritted my teeth. Ang ayoko sa lahat ay iyong kinakaawaan ako. Maybe my situation was actually worse than I’d thought but I could still do something for my family. I was still fighting for them.

Still, I nodded. Dahil sino ba naman ako sa harap ng Don ng Cosa Nostra?

Rossetti gave a satisfied nod.

“Good. Yeliz is mad as hell at you, Alexeev, and I’m sure that you already know that. So, I want to help you get close with your child without her knowing.”

I blinked.

“What?” Hindi pa rin ako naniniwala sa kanya.

He shrugged.

“What’s worse than a loving father and man not being able to get close to his family, right?”

“In exchange for what, Rossetti?” Duda akong walang kapalit ’to.

“Nothing.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit.”

He chuckled.

“There really is nothing. I just want to have a good show.”

“I still don’t trust you.”

“Then don’t.” He gave me a piece of paper. “Yeliz will have a fashion show with that Morozova girl. Come and I’ll let you meet your son.”

“Is this a trap? Will you tell Romanov about this?”

He gave me an incredulous look as if I said something strange.

“Of course not. I have no intention of getting on the Bratva’s bad side.”

I still don’t trust him but I’ll take my chances. I’d take everything I could to get close to my family.

But for now, I have someone to kill.

Balakin. Finally.

With no men to protect him, it was easy to take him down. When he realized that I was an Alexeev, he even thought that I would help him as he once worked with my parents. He thought that my relationship with Yelizaveta was just for a show and that I was planning to take her away from the Bratva and give her to him so he trusted me and went with me. Yet he didn’t know that I was bringing him to his demise.

The fucking idiot.

And when I began torturing him, for even thinking that he could take Yelizaveta away, he couldn’t even believe it.

“You are nothing like your parents,” he said. Bugbog-sarado na ang mukha n’ya at ni hindi na makadilat ang isang mata. He was spitting blood whenever he spoke. “I can’t believe that you’re an Alexeev.”

“Of course, I am nothing like them.” I kinasa ko ang baril at itinutok sa bungo n’ya. “I am only thinking of my family. I don’t want to bring him harm. But I am willing to do everything for them.”

“Then it is true? That you have a child with Aslanova?”

I cursed. Where did he hear it from?

I muttered another curse. Fiadh.

“Goodbye, Balakin.”

Then I fired the gun.

It was done. The end of my bargain. The deal. All that is left is for the Bratva to execute me.

Romanov would surely hear about Balakin’s death. At kapag nangyari ’yon, he would know that I was finally done with my job and he would search for me. With all the power he had, hindi s’ya mahihirapang hanapin especially that I was powerless.

So, for now, hindi naman siguro masama kung… lalapitan ko na ang pamilya ko?

I was giving Ruslan apples hoping that Yelizaveta would be reminded of that one time she gave me one. Hoping that she would realize that I was the ‘big guy’ that our son was talking about. But she didn’t. And it was fine. Ngayong nalapitan ko na ulit s’ya, hindi na importante ang kung ano pa man.

“So, live, Devlin… I want you to live because Ruslan and I need you. I want you to live because I love you.”

Fuck, I want to. Tangina gustong-gusto kong mabuhay nang kasama sila. Gustong-gusto kong makasama ang pamilya ko. But how could I get a chance in life when the Bratva and the Irish mob were after me?

I shouldn’t even be getting close to my family dahil baka mapahamak sila. Baka madamay sila. I was only holding on to the fact that Rossetti had a soft spot for Yelizaveta and that she was an Aslanov kaya hindi s’ya pababayaan ng Bratva.

But with me… they were in danger.

When I heard that Yelizaveta made a deal with Romanov in exchange for Romanov giving me a chance to live, alam ko na, doon pa lang na hindi biro ang ipapagawa sa akin ni Romanov. The Pakhan is a sly bastard. There is always, always up in his sleeves with all the deals that he made.

So, it wasn’t a surprise for me to know that we were playing the Russian Roulette.

“Survive, Alexeev. Survive in three minutes, and I promise I’ll give you a new life.”

Three minutes. Just three minutes and all of these will be over. Just three minutes and I would be able to live with my family.

I just need to hold on.

Hold fucking on.

Yelizaveta was crying at nag-focus na lang ako sa mukha n’ya. I wanted to see her smile again after this. Fuck, I will live. I swear I will live and I will be with them.

Kahit na ang sakit-sakit ng mga tama ng baril sa katawan ko, tiniis ko iyon. Kahit na parang hinihigit ako ng kadiliman, hindi ko iyon pinansin. I just focused on Yelizaveta’s tear-streaked face because she was my everything. She was my salvation. She gave me the meaning of life.

“You’re not nameless… From now on, you’re Gavriil Volkov. Nice to meet you, Gavriil.”

I fought the urge to smirk. Gavriil… Not bad for a new name.

Not bad for a new life.

“And yes, Gavriil Volkov. I will marry you.”

Romanov visited me after that day. I was on guard but the Pakhan just wanted to know my condition.

“How do you like your new name?” he asked.

I shrugged. Napangiwi ako nang makaramdam ng sakit sa dibdib ko.

“Not bad.”

Romanov chuckled.

“From now on, forget that you ever lived as Devlin Antonovich Alexeev. We will erase all the traces left of him in this world. You will now live as Gavriil Volkov.” He gave me a nod. “I am keeping my end of the bargain with Yeliz.”

I took a deep breath.

“Thank you,” sinsero kong sabi.

He gave me a shrug.

“I’m just glad that Yeruslan will live with a complete family. His parents are brave and I admire that.”

Napangisi ako.

“Yeah… Yelizaveta has a fiery personality.”

“I once told her that she was actually an archangel with a weapon behind her.”

I puffed my chest, feeling proud that the Pakhan was complimenting my Yelizaveta.

“I know…”

“The Derzhatel Obshchaka position is perfect for her.” Nananantya n’ya akong tiningnan. “I’ll take it that you will help her?”

“Of course. Hindi na ako mawawala sa tabi n’ya.

He gave me a satisfied nod.

“Then, all’s good. Just don’t…” He frowned. “Don’t get to my bad side again.”

I grinned at him.

“You can count on that, my Pakhan .”

Yeruslan happily greeted us when we came home. Nakalabas na ako ng hospital because I insisted na sa bahay na lang ako magpapahinga.

Sa bahay ni Yelizaveta. Kasama ang pamilya ko.

“Devlin, no,” Yelizaveta said as I carried Ruslan. Nagpapakarga kasi pero kinuha s’ya sa akin ng nanay n’ya. “Hindi pa magaling ang sugat mo.”

“Dad’s wounded?” inosenteng tanong ni Ruslan na nagpataranta kay Yelizaveta.

“Yeruslan.” Kinuha ko ang atensyon ng anak namin. “My name Gavriil Volkov. And I’m your father.”

Yeruslan beamed at me. Nakita ko naman ang maluha-luhang tingin sa akin ni Yelizaveta. I just chuckled and hugged them both, kissing both of them on the heads.

I viewed myself as a selfless person. Wala kaong masyadong naging hiling at gustong makuha sa buhay ko. But with Yelizaveta, she made me wish that I had power, that I could have her even knowing that she was forbidden to me.

She made me feel brave, to be courageous. She gave me everything in life. Kaya takot na takot akong mawala s’ya sa akin. Because without her, I am nothing.

I thought that with her, she had already given me everything. And then, she gave me another beautiful gift again. It was our son, Yeruslan.

With them, I felt invincible. Pakiramdam ko ay makakaya ko ang lahat ng pagsubok na dumating pa basta kasama ko sila. I had already been through the worst anyway. Kayang-pkaya ko nang harapin ang kung ano pa man, as long as they were safe. As long as they were with me.

Yelizaveta was my forbidden desire. And finally, I was allowed to hold her. I was allowed to be with her.

I was allowed to love her.

She was forbidden no more. To Gavriil Volkov.

Me.