7 years old

-honeysuckle-

tw for this entire story. there will be some parts that are very unsettling.

A frail, skinny malnourished Rowan sat on a patch of grass crying and wiping his tears away. He isn’t supposed to cry. He’s supposed to be a man, as that pathetic excuse of a father would tell him. Rowan can’t help it, he’s just an emotional person. That just happens when you’re beaten and neglected everyday since the moment you were born. And no one cares because the Vaughns are not their business.

Rather than cry at that place that child services claims to be his home, he’d rather cry anywhere else. Pretty much anywhere besides his home is home. The community center bathroom, the old defunct tractor in a random field, and here. In this patch of grass near a flower bush next to a river.

Rowan’s life couldn’t be any worse. He just wants a friend. He’s seen the other kids play with their friends at the park. No one ever wants to come up to him because his father is known for being a lazy drunk. And also because Rowan has a small scar on his eyebrow from the time when his father threw him a glass bottle.

He wiped his tears and rubbed his right arm where his father had kicked him while he was asleep. His father’s reasoning: He was sleeping like a fag.

As he cried more, and wondered when his pain would end, at the end of Meadow Drive, a young Tanner was driving his bike without a care in the world. His red hair was basking in the sun, his shirt flew in the wind. There’s nothing that can stop him.

As he rode his bike further, he noticed ahead a crying blonde boy. Tanner doesn’t like it when people cry because it means that they’ve been hurt. He only likes it when they smile.

Deciding to take a detour, Tanner pulled aside when he got close enough. He dropped his bike and got off of it before he fell and hit the ground. He approached the crying boy. Tanner’s heart broke. By the sounds of it, the boy was in horrible pain. Whether it’s physical or emotional, it didn’t matter.

“Hey, you!” Tanner said. Rowan didn’t respond. He was too into his head to notice anything. Tanner got closer to the boy until he was able to put his hand on the crying boy’s shoulder. Rowan jumped back at the contact. The only time people touch him is when they want to hurt him.

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you!” Tanner said as he stepped back. The crying boy obviously doesn’t want to be touched right now.

Rowan was shocked that someone apologized to him. He normally has to apologize such as ‘Sorry for not cleaning up.’ or ‘Sorry for being stupid.’ Already, this kid in front has treated him better than anyone else.

“Why are you crying?” Tanner asked. Rowan didn’t know how to respond. He’s not good at communication. He just stayed silent.

But Tanner is patient. He doesn’t have to know why he’s hurt, he just wants him to stop crying.

“I’m Tanner Brandenburg. And you?” Tanner asked. He held out his hand, being polite as his parents taught him. Rowan just looked at Tanner’s hands a bit confused. But he’s seen his mom do this shake before when she would ask for that white powder. So he stuck his hand out and grabbed it. Tanner gave it a nice firm shake, just enough for the crying boy to understand that he won’t hurt him.

“R-Rowan Vaughn.” Rowan mumbled out. He hoped that Tanner was able to hear him. Besides them, the only sound here was the running water from the river and the occasional chirps.

“Rowan! I like that name!” Tanner said. Truth is, Rowan didn’t like his name. It was his father’s middle name. And because of that, his mother refused to call him that. Instead she would say ‘boy’, ‘brat’, or ‘my worst mistake’.

“Th-Thank you, sir.” Rowan responded, respecting those superior to him. AKA, everyone besides himself.

“Sir? No, it’s Tanner.” He responded. From the three words Rowan has said, Tanner was able to tell that this boy is suffering. Not just today, but possible everyday.

“T-Tanner.” Rowan said. He kept saying it to himself in his head. He really likes that name. It’s simple and unique. Unlike his

“So, what are we doing?” Tanner walked to sit in front of Rowan. He sat close enough that he was able to hear the other’s soft voice.

What are we doing? Well, Rowan was crying earlier. Now, he’s feeling better. He doesn’t exactly do anything for fun. He just cries and cleans and makes sure his parents aren’t always angry.

“OOH! LOOK!” Tanner suddenly screeched. Rowan jumped and covered his face. When he didn’t feel a punch, he lowered his arms and turned to see Tanner running to a bush. He pointed at it to Rowan and insisted he come over.

“What is it?” Rowan said a bit louder than his normal voice. Tanner felt a bit prideful that Rowan said something without being asked to.

“Check this! It’s honeysuckle!” Tanner jumped and was looking at the flowers. Rowan didn’t understand the big deal. They’re just flowers. But the excited boy knew more about these flowers. They had something sweet in them.

“Honeysuckle?” The quiet boy asked. He’s never heard of honeysuckle before.

“Let me show you!” Tanner said. He pulled off one of the flowers from its stem. “Okay, grab this.” He grabbed the stamen. “And you pull them out.” He pulled on the stamen and they came out. At the end of the pulled out parts was a drop of shiny liquid. “And you eat this. Just the sweet stuff.” Tanner put the stamen in his mouth and sucked out the sweet liquid before pulling them back out.

Rowan watched all of this and was intrigued. He grabbed one of the flowers. With the guidance of Tanner, he followed the exact steps and tasted the sweet nectar. It’s sweeter than the candy he steals from the market. Sweeter than the stale sugar in his home.

“It’s good!” He enthusiastically said. The first thing he said that wasn’t sad or monotone.

“Right! And there’s enough for us!” The two grabbed another flower and ate the nectar.

While they ate, Tanner opened up about himself. He talked about the fact that he’s from California and is visiting Sunriver, Oregon to see his aunt. He decided to visit his aunt because he’s never seen her before. He’s staying with her down the street while his parents are off on a trip.

The entire time, Rowan listened to every word. He himself didn’t want to talk, and Tanner was fine with that. Rowan was enticed with the other’s red hair. He’s never seen anyone with red hair. He would say it looked funny, but it was more so beautiful. Unlike his dirty blonde hair.

Maybe the reason his father hates him is because neither of his parents have blonde hair. Infidelity? Who knows.

The following few months were the best that Rowan has ever had. Everyday, they met at the bush where new flowers would blossom for them. Tanner talked all day. About movies, comic books, his dog at home. And Rowan listened all day.

Tanner was able to comfort Rowan when the blonde boy mentioned he was nervous for his first day of school. Tanner explained that his mother told him that school is one of the most fun things and he’ll get to make more friends. The nervous boy wasn’t sure how true this was. But he hopes Tanner is right.

The day Tanner had to leave was the saddest and the most Rowan’s ever cried. No, not when his dad made him kneel on broken glass. No, not when his mother used him as an ashtray. No, not when he was impaled by a stick in his leg. No. None of that amounted to the hurt he felt when Tanner left.

Before Tanner left, he promised he would be back next year. And they could come back to the bush and eat more. Still, Rowan cried so hard he wasn’t able to speak for a week. Did his parents care that he was upset? No.

Tanner returned to his life in California where he went back to his normal life. With his parents, dog, friends, and money. But he didn’t forget about Rowan, the quiet boy he met in Sunriver.

And for almost 10 months, both Rowan and Tanner held onto that promise that they would see each other again. Rowan craved the taste of honeysuckle so badly. He would smack his tongue on the roof of his mouth to see if he could taste the nectar again.

It was a long 10 months. In the end, Rowan hoped Tanner didn’t forget about him.

---

bye! i love you all!

<3

8 years old

The day was long anticipated for. When Tanner returned, Rowan didn’t let go of his hand. He held it the whole day. Tanner kept telling Rowan that he needs his hands to eat the honeysuckle but the blonde boy didn’t care. He was just happy that his friend was back.

Speaking of friends. Now that the first school year is over, Rowan can now talk about his experience and what it was like. Spoiler alert, it wasn’t good.

“How was school?” Tanner asked. He licked off some nectar by pulling out the stamen using one hand. It’s fine that Rowan didn’t let go. Tanner liked the care.

“It wasn’t good.” He responded. Immediately Tanner was upset that the other didn’t have a good time. Because Tanner had a fun time at school. 

“Why? Did you make any friends?” Tanner asked. Rowan dropped his hand and wiped away some tears coming from his eyes using the collar of his shirt. It’s only now that Tanner can see some bruises on his neck.

“N-No. All the kids hated me. They didn’t like that my clothes were ugly.” Rowan sobbed at the memory of the kids teasing him at school. The times when they would rip his clothes off and he was forced to wear things from the lost and found. 

“No they aren’t! I love your clothes!” Tanner pointed his finger at Rowan’s shirt. “That’s a really good color!” He mentioned the aqua blue color. But the shirt had some dirty spots on them. 

“Thank you, Tanny.” Rowan said.

“Tanny! I love it! I’ll call you Ro!” Tanner squealed that he got a nickname from someone. Rowan smiled. Finally someone who could call him a nice name.

Over the following weeks, Rowan grew more fondly of Tanner. They were inseparable. And Rowan knew he was growing attached to him. He no longer waited on his parents to give him love affection when someone like Tanner gives it to him.

So it was a bit of a shocker when Rowan decided to open up about his abuse. He’s only told one other person and that was a social worker who visited their house. His statement would’ve been processed and he would’ve been taken out of there but his father insisted it was tough love to man up his son. Later that night he was tied up naked and thrown outside at night.

“Tanny?” Ro said. Tanner looked up after having eaten 5 flowers at the same time. 

“Hmm. Yeah, Ro?” He asked. He stared at the huge green eyes in front of him. Those poor eyes are most of the time dead but these summer months are when they come to life. 

“Can I tell you something?” He asked. Tanner nodded, insisting that Ro can tell him anything. “My parents hit me.” He said.

Kids don’t exactly sugar-coat things. They’re brutally honest many times and will say what needs to be said. They have no filter. It’s both a vice and virtue about them.

“They do? Why?” Tanner’s heart broke. So that explains the constant bruises. The scar on his eyebrow. The cuts and burns all over his soft milky skin.

“I don’t know.” He broke down crying. He wondered what he did wrong to deserve such hate. But he can never think of anything. 

“Have you told anyone?” The red-head asked. He scooted closer to the crying boy and put his arm around him and became the crying shoulder for him. 

“Yes. But no one cares. I’m tired of it! I want to leave!” Rowan has begun to have thoughts of leaving his parents. Finally getting out of Sunriver and going to some place better. Anywhere but here.

“It’ll get better, Ro. I promise.” He didn’t actually know if it would get better. All he could do was tell him it would. Even if the words are a lie, it’s better that he gives Rowan a reason to look forward in life. To let him know that there’s something in the future for him.

“When?” Rowan asked. 

“Soon. Tomorrow? Next year? I don’t know. But it’s coming.” He rubbed his hand on the other’s shoulder and let him calm down. For a minute, Tanner thought the boy was sleeping on him until he spoke.

“Tell me about California.” He said. Tanner loved to talk about home. He’s learned that Rowan takes in all this information and probably imagines his life like Tanner’s back home. When things are bad, he just imagines he’s with Tanner in California.

“Well, it’s hot. Really hot. But we have a pool! And there’s fun people everywhere! They always eat this green plant thing that makes them funny.” Both boys were laughing. Rowan was just happy he didn’t have to remember home. 

“What else?” He wants more information to fuel his future daydreams.

“Umm, the beaches are fun! Besides the pool, the beach is fun too! And we sometimes go on our boat and see whales!”

“Woah! That’s so cool! I wish I could see a whale…” Rowan felt like he was missing out on life. And he would never get to experience it.

“I wish you could come! You would love it! And we get to go to Disneyland!” Tanner said. He went on explaining everything about California and how much he loves it there. 

All Rowan could think was running away. Packing the few clothes he has and leaving his life behind. Maybe he can sneak into Tanner’s parents’ car and when they reach California they’ll have no choice but to keep him. And then their summer will never end!

However, he can’t leave. Because then his parents will call the police and he’ll be captured and sent home. And he fears for whatever his parents will do to him then. He abandoned the idea of running away and just focusing on what Tanner said to him earlier. And hope for a better future.

The bond between the two boys had gotten stronger from the previous year. The feeling was similar to that of finding your other half. An empty hole had been filled. 

It was similar to the type of love Tanner saw on TV between two people. But he’s too young to understand his feelings. They’re friends. Both agree on that. No one else can tell them they aren’t, because this is between Tanner and Rowan.

It was once again the end of summer and a tearful goodbye. By now, all the honeysuckle flowers were gone. They’ll have to wait until next year for more to grow. And possibly might plant another bush to grow more. 

Tanner promised to Rowan that he’ll come back next year. And he told Rowan to hang in there and look forward to next year. Rowan cried. And this time, Tanner cried too. A heartfelt goodbye that left a bittersweet taste in their mouths.

It was back to being lonely for Rowan. School and home didn’t get better. He suffered everyday with no end in sight. But he held onto the thought of a better future and Tanner being there side by side with him. 

Until the next summer, when the boys will be back for more fun and flowers.

---

bye! i love you all!

<3

9 years old

Mid-July and the two boys had been hanging out by the bush for a long time. Tanner caught the other boy up on his friends and family. Rowan didn’t say much. He casually mentioned that he’s had trouble making friends but that was far from the truth.

His abuse was still continuing and no one would say anything. And kids at his school have begun to bully Rowan even more. They mock him for how small he is. He is smaller than all the other boys in his class. But he likes to think that because of how small he is, he can easily hide in small places.

Tanner had not really had anything interesting in California happen. He got a small tan but nothing more. Though, he dearly missed Rowan.

The red-haired boy was waiting for the other to come for their daily meets. He brought a few snacks with him, seeing as how they spend a lot just eating nectar. He got everything he could think of. He didn’t know what kind of snacks Rowan liked. He didn’t even know if he’s ever tried these.

It took a while for Rowan to come. He’s usually the first one who comes here seeing as how this is his safe haven. He walked towards the bush and was greeted with a blanket and snacks he’s never tried before. He’s always wanted to try them but never had money. Rowan wiped his tears away and clutched his right cheek.

“There you are! Where were you?” Tanner stood up and ran towards the other before stopping and seeing what was wrong with him. He noticed a bit of red on Rowan’s hand. “What’s wrong?” He asked. Rowan shook his head and didn’t want to say. “Please let me see, Ro.” He pleaded. Rowan can trust to show him.

Rowan removed his hand off of his cheek to reveal a large gash on his cheek. It had already clotted but some blood was still escaping.

“Holy shit!” Tanner said. Rowan never uses that word. But he’s heard it from his mom and father. Tanner couldn’t believe the sight. It had to be the gnarliest cut ever. He couldn’t imagine the pain. “Who did this to you?” He asked. He picked up a clean napkin and started to put it on Rowan’s cut.

“M-Mom got angry at me be-because I dropped her b-b-beer.” He sobbed. Tanner led Rowan to the blanket and made him sit down. He put the napkin on his face and allowed the blood to get soaked until no more came out.

Rowan has never had anyone care for his bruises.

“Are you feeling better?” Tanner asked. Rowan nodded, his blonde hair falling on his face. He needs a haircut soon.

“Is this for us?” Rowan asked, pointing to the snacks.

“Yep. I think the flowers need time to grow.” Rowan looked at all the snacks and didn’t know what they were. The colorful packaging was all new.

“I’ve never tried any of these before.” The blonde said.

“Well, today’s a good day to try new things!” Tanner reached over and grabbed a bag of gummy worms. He opened them and held it out to Rowan. Rowan took the weird items and looked at it. “It’s a gummy worm. You chew it until it’s soft enough to swallow it.” Tanner explained.

“Oh, okay.” Rowan put the gummy in his mouth. At first he was weirded out at the texture. It’s chewy like rubber. But after a few bites, it softened. The gummy had a nice fruity flavor. He could only guess it’s apple.

“Good, right?” Tanner asked.

“Yes! It’s amazing!” He grabbed another one and ate it, savoring the sweet artificial flavoring.

“Let’s try this now.” He held up a small box with the words M&M’s on it. “There are small things. Hard on the outside but soft chocolate on the inside.”

Rowan has only tried chocolate once when his teacher gave it to him because he was pushed down the stairs. He almost forgot what it tasted like. And the small colorful candy brought back that flavor.

“I’m full.” Rowan could finally say that after eating so much sweets.

“Me too!” Tanner laughed. They both laid on the blanket and looked up at the canopy of trees that let a few rays of sun on them.

“What about the extra candy?” Rowan asked.

“Keep them. They’re yours.” He said. Rowan smiled knowing that he could eat candy more. He just had to hide them.

Summer was coming to an end. Rowan always hated these final days. Because someone he cares about… the only person he cares about… is going away. It’s not fair! Why can’t Tanner be in his life every day!

Before Tanner left, Rowan wanted to get something off his chest.

“I want to run away.” He told Tanner.

“Where would you go?” The other asked. He understands why Rowan wants to leave. Who wouldn’t leave if you lived in a place like that!

“I don’t know. But I would probably leave from here. I don’t want them to find me.” Rowan said. They stood in silence.

“Well… in a few years you can finally move away. Just hang on a little longer.” Tanner let Rowan sob silently on his shoulder.

The two fell asleep right there. Tanner had his back against a tree and Rowan had his head on Rowan’s shoulder. And it was the best sleep Rowan ever had. He didn’t have a bad dream. The scary darkness wasn’t out to get him. He dreamed of Tanner and him playing tag and then flying away from Sunriver and going to a magical land.

But dreams all end eventually. It ended when Tanner once again said his goodbye to Rowan. Tanner cried to the point where he was rethinking of even leaving. But he has to. He has a life outside of Oregon. But Rowan doesn’t. He’s forced to stay here and suffer.

Tanner contemplated telling his mom if they could take Rowan with them to Los Angeles. However, Rowan is a stranger to them. He’s never met them.

Rowan is once again stuck in town alone. He held his tears in when he got home after saying goodbye to Tanner. He bottled up his feelings when his father looked at him. He looked up at his father and noticed a small brown stain on the edge of his mouth.

He quickly ran to his room, hearing his father chuckle. He opened his door and on his bed he saw the empty bags of candy that Tanner bought for him only. He broke down crying. Tanner bought these for him to enjoy. And now his father took that luxury away.

The crying boy held the empty bags in his hand and cried into his pillow. The only way to enjoy them was to smell them.

It’s still not as good as eating the candy itself. A gift given to him by Tanner.

---

bye! i love you all!

<3

10 years old

The blonde boy didn’t want to tell Tanner about the unfortunate incident about his stolen candies. Because then he’ll make Tanner feel sad that he didn’t get to eat any. So he never brought it up. But the resentment he held for his father only grew. 

After he cried about his stolen snacks, his father told him to suck it up and that’s how life works. Rowan retaliated, saying in the real world, good fathers don’t steal from their children. His father was upset that he insisted he wasn’t a good father (his father knows that) and for a whole month he had to work and give his money to his father “like a good son does”.

“I know what we can do!” Tanner said. He looked at the river that was always flowing next to them. It provided a smooth ambience to the desolate creek. “Wanna go for a swim?” He asked Rowan. 

Rowan was thankful that he didn’t have any cuts or bruises. He would surely love to go swimming with his best friend.

That’s what Tanner was to him. His best friend.

Tanner had gotten a bit popular back at home. It seemed that everyone wanted to know the boy with red hair, a rare trait in California. People always came up to him asking to be his best friend. But every time, Tanner would turn them down and say that he already has one. 

The two boys began to strip their clothes and threw them on the grass. They were now in their underwear. Tanner knew Rowan had some scars. But his breath stopped when he saw the amount of cuts and scarring tissue that was on his body. And his back… God his back! It was like he’s been whipped.

Tanner wanted to cry and hug the other and take him home. What is a 10 year old supposed to do? He’s mentioned Rowan and the Vaughns to his aunt. But she always says that people don’t interact with them. They’re social pariahs and because of that, an innocent boy is getting abused. 

He’s neglected by his parents, his community, and the system. Except for Tanner. The only one who cares for the boy. 

Rowan turned to Tanner and gave him a huge smile. “Ready?” He asked. He’s never been in the river before. He’s heard that it’s fun but he could never go. Tanner stopped looking at the abuse on his skin and felt better at the sight of a smiling Rowan. 

Despite everything, he was that same scarred boy. Smiling and waiting to jump in the water.

“Yeah! Ready!” They stood atop a large rock on the edge of the river bank and jumped in. Tanner popped out the water first and waited for Rowan.

He started to worry when Rowan didn’t come up. He wondered if he killed his best friend.

“BOO!” Rowan yelled from behind Tanner. He popped out of the water and jumped scared the worried fellow. 

“ROWAN! I was scared!” He hugged Rowan. Rowan now felt bad that he made Tanner feel sad. He started crying and apologizing over and over again. And now Tanner feels bad that Rowan feels bad. So they both cried in the middle of the river. 

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry, Rowan!” Tanner sobbed out. He hugged Rowan tightly. “I’m not mad! I was worried something happened to you!” 

“No, it’s my fault! I shouldn’t have made you worried!” Rowan cried. A few minutes passed where they cried. 

Truly it was a sight to see. Two boys -one with a normal life and the other abused- in the middle of a river crying and hugging.

“Better?” Tanner asked.

“Mhm. I feel better.” He sniffled. “Can we play in the water now?” He asked. 

Tanner began to paddle away. “You have to catch me!” He yelled at a puzzled Rowan. He started chasing after him. Tanner would slash water back to him while Rowan would use the movement of the water to propel him faster.

“WAIT! NOOO!” Rowan laughed and yelled. 

The beaming sun, cool breeze, there’s nothing that could ruin their summer. But when they got out of the water, Tanner looked at Rowan’s chest. Only this time, he didn’t focus on the marks but on his visible ribs. 

He’s starving at home.

He hoped that at least the candy he gave him last year supplied him with enough happiness. He felt good about that. It was a good deed for someone who deserves it, and more.

Before he left, he gathered some of his clothes for Rowan. He realized that they wouldn’t fit him since he was almost 5 inches taller than him but it’s better that he has good clothes. And then he asked his aunt for a huge favor.

$50. He wanted to give it to him so he could buy some food throughout the year. At least a loaf of bread or some milk. Anything to make him feel less hungry. 

He gave the money to Rowan, and he cried. The blonde boy didn’t want to accept it. He even handed it back to Tanner because it’s too much for him. Tanner already buys him snacks and gives him something to live for. He can’t ask for more.

But Tanner told him if he didn’t want to spend it, to at least save it for when he runs away and could start a new life. Now that sold Rowan, who took the money and promised to keep it somewhere safe.

Tanner also gave Rowan the clothes. Rowan figured that he’ll just grow into them. But he had many more reasons to keep them.

He wanted to sleep with the clothes next to him. It’ll be like Tanner is there when he isn’t there. Even his scent can calm Rowan down. Maybe after a day of getting teased at school and coming home to his dad yelling at him and his mom neglecting him, he could come to his closet of a room. He could get Tanner’s clothes, make a pillow version of him, and talk to him.

Another tearful goodbye. Rowan, every year, got used to Tanner’s leave but cried more. Rowan’s life was getting worse. And Tanner is his reason to keep going.

A few days into Tanner’s leave, Rowan came home late one night to his mom on the couch completely out of her mind. She was mentioning how beautiful the ceiling looked. He looked up and all he saw was a brown stained ceiling with water dripping. He then looked at the table and saw several small bags of that white powder.

Rowan was a bit confused. His mom never gets these white powders without him. She always brings him along to the old man’s house. She can’t afford to pay for the powder so she lets the man run his hands down Rowan’s behind and touch him. Then she gets the powder, takes them both home, and she proceeds to use it while Rowan wonders if he’ll eat tomorrow or next week.

But then he remembered about last year and his candy. He ran to his room and tore open his pillow. And it was gone. His $50. The one he was planning to use to run away. It’s gone. 

He screamed into the pillow and cried his eyes out. He scratched himself on his arm and legs. That’s how frustrated he was. He didn’t come out of his room for days. He laid on the floor and no one came to check up on him. He finally got out and his mom was still passed out. 

He thought about putting a bag over her head but instead he walked out and decided to go wherever the world decides to torture him with today.

---

bye! i love you all!

<3

11 years old

Tanner returned once again. This time, Rowan couldn’t help but look at him. He’s getting bigger. And taller. Rowan’s breath would sometimes stop when he saw him. But he pushed these feelings aside. The only concept he has of love is his dysfunctional family, not exactly the best example.

The case of the $50 wasn’t brought up. Because Rowan thought that Tanner would never give him anything again. 

“Hey, Ro!” Tanner called out. Ro turned after eating the nectar of a honeysuckle and saw Tanner walking out of the creek and drying his hair.

“Yeah?” He asked.

“I was thinking, why don’t you come over to my aunt’s house.” Rowan had never been to someone else’s house before, besides his mother’s dealer but that was more of a trailer. He didn’t think he was good enough.

“Umm, I don’t know. What if she doesn’t like me?” He asked.

“She will! I’ve told her about you!” Rowan blushed now knowing that Tanner discusses him with his aunt. Meaning she knows how close they are.

“Really? Well… I guess. Yeah! Let’s go!” The two boys gathered their items before walking side by side, barefoot, down the street to Tanner’s aunt’s house.

“Auntie said that we should probably swim at her pool because the creek has leeches.” Tanner said. 

“Yuck! Good idea!” Rowan said. He’s never been in a pool before. His expectations are high.

Coming up on the house, it’s much, much bigger than Rowan’s shed. The two-story colonial house was painted all white. A beautiful garden was placed at the front with colors of every type. A woman sat on a chair at the porch rocking back and forth basking in the sun. She turned to the two boys.

She immediately recognized her nephew, the spitting image of his sister. But following close behind was a boy she’s never seen before. But his face looks similar to Regina Vaughn, the woman who once tried to give a blowjob to a police officer to let her go. And the cuts only confirmed her assumptions of the boy.

“Hi, Auntie Ava!” Tanner said. He walked up the steps until he hugged the woman and kissed her cheek. 

“Tanner! Hope your day was fun!” She turned to see Rowan standing atop of the stairs wondering if he’s welcomed. “And you must be Rowan. Tanner’s told me a lot about you. You hungry?” She asked. She couldn’t help but want to cry at how skinny he was. She’s heard the rumors of the poor family that lives at the edge of town. She knows the rumors, some a bit too much, but she never knew it was this bad.

“Nice to meet you, ma’am. I’m a bit hungry.” Rowan said to the woman. She smiled back at him and invited them into her home. 

“You two go use the pool. I’ll get lunch started.” The boys ran off to the backyard. Rowan looked around the home and didn’t see any stains, peeling wallpaper, blood spatters, or rats anywhere. He likes this place.

Within the backyard was a picket fence that surrounded a large area of land. A few trees were scattered here and there and some chairs were out. There was a small garden with a few summer herbs there. But the main attraction was the pool, which was in the center of the field.

“Before we get in, we need to wash off.” Tanner said, holding a hose in his hand. Rowan was about to ask why until Tanner sprayed him with water. The water was cold and Rowan shivered.

“Okay. My turn.” Tanner said and handed the hose to Rowan. He sprayed him too and set the hose down before returning to the pool. 

“Do we jump?” Rowan asked. The redhead thought about it.

“Heck yeah!” They climbed on the edge and stood there, both turning to look at each other before holding their nose and jumping in.

“WOW! This is awesome!” Rowan yelled. Tanner was giggling and just enjoying seeing the other happy. 

From a distance, from the kitchen window, Ava Brandenburg watched on as the two boys played in the pool. She smiled at the thought that her nephew is looking after the young boy like he was his own.

‘Could they? No, they can’t! They’re too young! But… it’s better to find the one earlier in life. But they’re just boys. They have no concept of love yet. Maybe when they’re older and wiser, they’ll maybe see there’s something there.’ Ava thought.

If it comes down to it and her suspicions are correct, she’ll vow to stay silent. She wants these boys to enjoy their lives, together or not. Lord knows she’s experienced losing a loved one. She’ll never forget the day when the woman she loved was married off to another man. Ava couldn’t do anything. Just watched as empty words were exchanged.

She’ll never live away from that. She’s forced to carry the burden of being a coward for the rest of her life. And now, Ava hopes she can at least do something to protect the boys here.

“BOYS! LUNCH IS READY!” She yelled from the deck. The boys came running out and would sometimes fall on their chests. They sat at the outdoor table and looked at the food before deciding to dive in.

Both boys had worked up an appetite and finished the first plate of sandwiches. Aunt Ava came back with a few snacks. Their legs swaying back and forth on the seats. Ava had put towels over the boys to stop them from freezing.

It was overall, a very good, beautiful, and special day. Rowan would keep this memory close to him and remember it forever.

Before Tanner left, he pulled his aunt aside and asked for a small favor. “Could you let Rowan eat here with you while I’m gone?” He asked.

The woman’s heart fluttered. “Yes, Tanner. I’ll let him have dinner here.” She said. She has more than enough to feed him. And who knows, the two could get closer. Ava just wants to get to know the boy who Tanner is obsessed with.

Rowan was told of this arrangement. He was grateful that he won’t have to starve now. And he grew fond of aunt Ava and her cooking. He thanked them both and wanted to cry but held it in.

That year was a little better than the years before. Rowan noticed he started to gain weight and didn’t look like a dead corpse. He started to feel a bit better about himself. Though his abuse continued.

Just a few more months and his savior will return.

---

bye! i love you all!

<3

12 years old

The first few weeks at the start of summer, Tanner could tell that Rowan was withholding something. He would see the blonde boy crying silently but at the same time, he was a bit happier. Rowan was truly an enigma. And Tanner was trying everything to solve him.

But one day, by the honeysuckle bush, is when Rowan decided to reveal the true cause of his mixed emotions.

“My mom finally left us a few weeks ago.” He said. Tanner stopped what he was doing. He knew Rowan’s mother was an evil person but that was still his mother. The woman who birthed him.

“Are we happy or sad?” Tanner asked. He didn’t know if he should be happy about it or not. But whatever Rowan decides to choose, and he doesn’t have to, Tanner will stick by his choice.

“I-I don’t know.” He started to cry. Tanner comforted the smaller boy. “I hated her! I hated her so much! But she’s my mom! I loved her at the same time! I feel so bad for hating her!”

“Don’t push yourself, Ro. Yeah, she was your mom. But she didn’t act like one. She didn’t care for you. Don’t feel bad for hating her. Your feelings are okay.” Tanner said. Rowan kept crying and wiping his tears with his shirt.

“But I wished for her to leave! It’s my fault she’s gone.” Rowan cried out.

“You didn’t do anything. She left because she wanted to.” Tanner hugged Rowan tightly. 

At home, Rowan’s father became distant. It was almost like he forgot he had a son. His father would go to work at the factory, go to the bar, drink, probably get into a fight, come home, eat whatever was around, drink some more, and pass out. 

At least the scars on Rowan’s body could now fully heal. There was now a period where his skin was clear of any bruises. Tanner always admired how beautiful his skin was. Despite the scarring and marks, Rowan always had a milky velvet skin. 

Rowan thanked Tanner everyday for convincing his aunt to feed him. Rowan no longer went hungry at night. He wasn’t woken up by his stomach. He gained weight. His ribs were no longer visible. And Tanner noticed this too. He felt a sense of pride. 

But the best thing about this summer was the sleepovers they could have. Three times a week, Rowan would sleep in Tanner’s room where the two could continue their fun days. Every time Tanner’s aunt tried to enter the room, they would say it’s a boys’ club and no girls were allowed. They formed their own society where the rules are made just for them.

Now that Rowan’s father didn’t care where he was, Rowan could pretty much do whatever he wanted. He could stay up late. Eat however much he wants. And sleep however he wants. He never felt judged at the Brandenburg’s. 

Aunt Ava would listen to the boys playing at night. Their innocent whispers that had no importance to the world, but to them, it’s like reading the Bible. Every word they said was eaten up by the other. A true friendship had formed. Anyone on the outside would be jealous of them.

By this time, Rowan was able to notice some small changes about Tanner. He couldn’t point them out, but something was changing about Tanner. He realized soon that his voice was changing a bit. Not a huge difference, but Rowan was able to notice it. He had no idea what was happening. But he didn’t ask. Maybe they’ll teach him that in school.

Tanner didn’t notice anything yet. He learned about puberty at school and the changes that’ll be coming to his body soon. But everything was the same. He even noticed that Rowan was still the same. Maybe there’s nothing to worry about.

There was still no word about Rowan’s mom. It’s like she disappeared off the map and never existed. Besides Rowan, the living embodiment of her, she has no one else. Sunriver just forgot that she existed. She didn’t contribute anything to society. Maybe it’s best she was gone.

But that left the question of who would look after Rowan. His father was existent but nonexistent. Rowan just hopes that his father forgets about him enough.

“Tanny?” Rowan asked. They both basked in the sun. Tanner mentioned that they should get some color on his body.

“Hmm? Ro?” Tanner responded.

“What’s gonna happen when you leave?” The blonde asked.

“What do you mean?” Tanner asked back.

“Well, my mom isn’t here. My dad acts like I don’t exist. Only you and Aunt Ava,” Ava insisted that Rowan call her aunt, “are the only ones who care for me. I don’t want to be alone again! I can’t do it!” He cried. Every year, it pains him to see Tanner leave. 

And it was trickling down to an epiphany.

“I know, Ro. I wish I didn’t leave you. Everyday, I think about you in California.” Tanner said.

“Why can’t you just live here? Then you won’t have to leave!” Rowan tried pleading.

“Because mom and dad aren’t here, Ro. I can’t leave them behind. I still have to grow. But maybe someday I could live here.” Tanner said. 

A small excitement filled Rowan. The possibility that Tanner would move to Sunriver and then they could hang out everyday together. It was a dream.

With a goodbye, Tanner drove down the road, waving to Rowan. Rowan, like always, cried. But this time, aunt Ava was there to comfort him. She’s never seen anyone love like Rowan has. He attached himself to Tanner. Relies on him for happiness. Warmth. Affection.

Tanner makes Rowan become himself.

If it wasn’t for Tanner, Rowan would have a horrible life. Rowan sometimes thought that he wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for Tanner.

Tanner saved Rowan. Tanner knows that he impacted Rowan, but he doesn’t know how much.

The said epiphany came when he was staring down the road from where Tanner had left from. It all made sense now. 

He loves being with Tanner. He always wants to talk to him. Hold his hand. Is fascinated by everything about him. Practically worships Tanner and holds him to high regards. And it makes perfect sense when Rowan thinks about it.

He doesn’t care if he’s too young to understand.

Because now he understands.

He’s in love with Tanner Brandenburg.

---

bye! i love you all!

<3

13 years old

Finding out you’re in love changes your entire perspective on whoever you’ve fallen for. Throughout the school year, Rowan pondered more about his love. Was it platonic love? Or was it as if one says they love a type of food?

But the option that scared him was: Do he love love him?

That freaked him out more. Rowan had seen people say ‘I love you’ to each other before. Granted, his parents never said it to each other. Not even to him.

He’d seen other kids around the school began to have relationships. Boys would hold girls’ hands and some would kiss on the cheeks or lips. Rowan also noticed that the boys getting girlfriends were the ones who were starting to get taller. And hairier. Their voices got deeper. They got stronger.

He found this out when several of the boys pinned Rowan in the locker room and taunted him for being short. During this new period of time, Rowan never grew. His voice never got deeper. And there was little to no hair growing anywhere. And thus, he began to feel self conscious.

Rowan was always ashamed of himself. First it was having dirty clothes. Then it was being too skinny. And now he’s behind on everything.

What was worse now was that his father began to remember that he had to look after a kid. He stumbled into Rowan’s room one night, completely drunk, and laid in bed with Rowan.

“Psst. Rowan?” He would slur to check if the boy was still asleep. Rowan was still asleep but began to awake when he felt a hand grabbing his bottom. He wanted to push his father away. But this was the only time when his father wasn’t angry at him.

He laid in bed while his father violated him in ways that caused Rowan to throw up the next morning. Would Tanner call him disgusting if he found out about this?

This rarely happened. But when it did, Rowan was shaken up for days. This didn’t help when people began to call him “Chihuahua” at school for being small and jumpy.

When Tanner did come, it seems that the puberty plague spread everywhere. Even in California. And Tanner was its newest patient.

Upon seeing him, Rowan noticed that Tanner was taller. Tanner was already taller than Rowan. But now, he’s much taller. Rowan has to look up at Tanner. Tanner’s hair was now more controlled and styled. And his voice.

It made Rowan quiver by how deeper it was now.

“Ro? Are you okay?” Tanner asked. What is Rowan supposed to say? He feels like he’s falling behind. That everyone is growing up and he’ll be stuck as a child!

“Yeah. I’m okay.” Rowan tried to sound like he was fine. But he wasn’t.

“I know you’re upset. What is it about?” Tanner asked. Dammit! Rowan should’ve known that Tanner would be able to read him by now.

“It’s just- you’re bigger now. Everyone at school is getting bigger and I’m still short. Am I doing something wrong?” He asked.

“My teacher told me that puberty is different for everyone. Some get it earlier. Others are late bloomers.” Tanner said.

“Late bloomers?” Rowan asked. No one ever told him about that.

“Yeah. Late bloomers. People who go through puberty later in life. You’ll still go through it. You just have to be patient.” Tanner explained. But Rowan didn’t want to wait. He wants to grow now! So he could be able to relate with Tanner.

Rowan now feels like he’s a child hanging out with an adult.

Maybe that’s why his father touches him. Because of how young he looks.

“Will I also get taller?” Rowan asked.

“Most likely. You won’t be that short forever.” Tanner said but that caused Rowan to look down at himself and hate his height. “Ro, listen to me. You’re beautiful the way you are. It doesn’t matter how tall you are or what you wear. I think your fucking beautiful.” Tanner told Rowan.

Tanner didn’t understand the full weight of his words. But to Rowan, who has discovered he’s in love with him, his words stuck inside. He could feel his cheeks heating up. And Tanner saw this but just assumed the smaller boy was embarrassed.

“You really think that?” Rowan asked.

“Mmhmm. You’re so beautiful. You’re the best person ever!” Tanner hugged Rowan and picked him up a bit off the ground.

It was silent once again. He’s beautiful. Rowan is beautiful. Why is that so hard to believe for him? He doesn’t feel beautiful. He feels disgusting. Everything about him is disgusting.

But if Tanner says he’s beautiful, then he is!

“Oh my gosh! I forgot to tell you!” Tanner jumped up. Ro saw the excitement and jumped up too. “So, there’s someone in California.”

“Uh-huh!” Rowan said.

“I think I like this girl!” Tanner said. This single sentence broke Rowan. The boy wanted to crawl away and hide himself and cry. But he knows that’s stupid. Tanner doesn’t know he likes him. But it stings a little to know that the person you love likes someone else.

“Oh.” Is all Rowan said. He made sure to hide his pain.

“She’s amazing! She has hair like yours!” Now Rowan is being compared to someone else. “And her skin is soft! But not as soft as yours.” Tanner explained. Surely it was a coincidence that the girl he likes is a female version of Rowan, right?

“W-What’s her name?” Rowan asked. He hid his jealousy. Was Tanner now going to replace him? Would they stop hanging out because Tanner would rather be in California with his girl?

“Her name is Lana. She’s so pretty! We talk all the time and hold hands! I’m gonna ask her to be my girlfriend when I come back!” Tanner said, daydreaming of his girl.

For the first time, Tanner was looking forward to going home. In the past five years, Tanner never wanted to leave Sunriver. Because then he would leave Rowan alone. But now, he wants to go home and ask out the girl he likes.

Rowan cried that night once again. Tanner had indirectly made him cry. He sobbed into his pillow and wondered why Tanner didn’t love him. Not once did he ever see two boys holding hands and kissing. It was only a boy and girl.

Now Rowan questioned if he was normal. Was it wrong for him to want to hold a boy’s hand? He’d been accustomed to seeing boy-girl relationships that his thoughts of boy-boy one’s seem unnatural. Odd, in a way. And definitely not normal. Rowan was the one with the problem, he thought.

Tanner was in love with a girl. That’s normal. Rowan was in love with a boy. That’s not normal.

Rather than tell Tanner his feelings, he kept them inside. He didn’t tell Tanner on his day of departure that he was in love. He didn’t run after the car and shout his proclamation.

No. Instead, he cowered and stood on the sidewalk as Tanner drove down the road where he would meet a girl. Rowan? How would meet his father’s hand on his privates that night? By residing into a dark place within his mind. That’s how he handles his problems.

---

bye! i love you all!

<3

14 years old

Tanner was, what he thought, in love. Lana was so amazing. However, he always told himself that she isn’t as amazing as Rowan. Lana was also beautiful. But not as beautiful as Rowan. Lana was also so fun. But… you guessed it. Not as fun as Rowan.

No matter what, his thoughts went back to Rowan. The boy was so sad when he wasn’t growing. But he will. Tanner knows it. And then, he’ll be even more beautiful.

Rowan wore a sweater during his play date with Tanner. This was off for Tanner. It’s hot today. And the temperature is only going to be rising. Which made no sense for Rowan to wear a sweater.

“Why are you wearing a sweater, Ro. It’s hot as hell right now.” Tanner said.

“Umm. I’m cold.” Rowan tried to brush it off but Tanner wasn’t buying it.

“Ro. Why are you wearing a sweater?” He sternly asked. He wasn’t going to let this go.

“Fine!” Rowan had enough and took off his sweater. Underneath, he didn’t wear a shirt underneath.

Tanner gasped and saw the return of the bruises and cuts on his body. “Ro! What the hell! Why didn’t you tell me!” He approached Rowan and traced his fingers over his cuts.

“My dad started hitting me again. And the boys at school keep making fun of me for not growing up.” Rowan began to break down crying. He still remembered the boys pushing him on the floor after school and kicking him. Then coming home to his father who was angry at him for not standing up for himself.

His father decided to give a lesson to his son to defend himself. It started with slaps, then pinches, kicks, and then punches. Rowan didn’t defend himself. He sat there taking every blow. Since then, his father keeps giving him lessons to be a man.

“Let’s get Aunt Ava to fix these.” Tanner said. He couldn’t believe what he saw. He wanted to cry. He wanted to go to Rowan’s house and kill his father. Make him suffer what Rowan suffered.

The two boys slowly stood up. Rowan put the sweater back on, wincing when the fabric touched any one of the cuts. Tanner held Rowan’s hand and they both walked the roads together and reached Ava’s house.

Ava had been cooking lunch for the two when the boys stumbled onto her porch. Tanner explained what was wrong. She insisted Rowan lie down on the couch while she tended to his wounds. Rowan was in pain and would scream when alcohol entered his cuts.

And the entire time, Ava noticed that Tanner never let the other boy’s hand go.

The women decided to give Rowan some sweets for being so brave and being a strong boy. And she also gave Tanner some for being a supportive friend.

“I haven’t grown yet, Tanny.” Rowan said. He wiped his tears and refused to put his sweater on. “Is there something wrong with me?” He asked.

“No, there isn’t anything wrong with you. Maybe you’re just a late-late bloomer. I know another person who hasn’t grown yet.” Tanner tried reassuring the smaller boy.

“That’s one other person. Everyone else is ahead already.” Rowan looked up at Tanner. He was now standing at 5’7 while Rowan was still at at 5’1. He was dwarfed in height. The days when he was able to look at Tanner directly in the eye are gone.

One thing that wasn’t gone was how much Tanner cared for the other boy. Tanner still knew about how much Rowan suffered all his life. He provides himself as a beacon, an escape from his horrible world.

“I know you hate that you haven’t been growing, but trust me. It’s coming soon! I bet by the time I see you next year, you’ll be up to here,” Tanner signaled to the middle of his face. “Then you won’t be as short!”

Rowan giggled. “I hope you’re right.”

“Either way, you’re still beautiful.” The two sat in the patio chairs and watched the leaves on the trees sway in the wind. Ava had been watching the entire time in silence. She watched as Rowan would give Tanner eye glances.

Throughout the past months, she’s noticed that when the conversation of Tanner comes up, Rowan would talk nonstop about him. He would mention every detail about Tanner and the comfort he feels when he’s around him.

There’s no doubt about it. She knew that this boy was in love with her nephew. However, she made sure not to push them together. Instead, she’ll watch on the sides and hope they don’t make the same mistake she made.

“How’s it been with Lana?” Rowan asked. He didn’t actually want to know about the girl stealing Tanner from him. Might as well learn about this girl and how she makes Tanner feel.

“It’s been great! We hold hands all the time and share Oreos during lunch time.” Tanner said.

‘We share snacks. We eat dinner together most nights. You hold my hand all the time. Why not me?’ Rowan thought.

“She sounds nice.” Is all Rowan said.

“She is! I want to kiss her so badly!”

“Is she taller than me?” Rowan asked.

“Mmm. A little. Maybe by two inches.” Tanner said. Well, shit. Now Rowan is shorter than a girl. Who knows, maybe he will grow this year.

Then maybe the kids will stop picking on him. And then his father will leave him alone because he no longer looks so young.

As Tanner was putting the last of his clothes in the car, Rowan had only one thing on his mind.

‘Tell him! Tell him you love him! Do it or he’ll never love you back!’ His mind kept telling him.

Rowan wanted to say something. Speak up. Tell Tanner that he’s in love with him.

“Tanner!” Rowan called out. Tanner, before entering the car, turned around to see Rowan standing there.

“Yeah, Ro?” He asked. His charming smile was another factor that Ro was starting to fall for more. Including his brown eyes.

“I-I uh. I…” He stuttered out. The words are taking so much for him to say.

“You, what?” Tanner asked.

“I-I’m gonna miss you.” He said. He ended up not saying it. Because at the end, what if Tanner didn’t love him back? Rowan would’ve ended the only good thing in his life. And then the next year, Tanner won’t come. And Rowan would be back being alone.

“I’m gonna miss you too! I’ll see you next year! Don’t lose hope! You’ll get taller! Bye, Ro!” Tanner said. He hopped inside the car as it drove down the street.

Another year of Rowan keeping his feelings to himself. He doesn’t even know if Tanner likes him back.

---

bye! i love you all!

<3

15 years old

Rowan was excited for Tanner to come back this summer. This year, it finally happened! Rowan started to go through puberty. And it was fast. And his voice got deeper. He was so happy to show Tanner how much he’d grown.

Tanner was indeed impressed by how much Rowan had changed. Rowan now stood at about 5’6 while Tanner had grown to 5’9. Rowan grew five inches. His voice was a few octaves lower. And they both noticed that some hair was growing above their lips and chin. 

But most of all, something else happened. Something that Tanner didn’t expect to happen. Rowan began to intrigue him. There were times when Tanner couldn’t stop looking at the blonde boy. This was also the time when arousal was a thing so Tanner found himself at night struggling to sleep. And the one thing he thought of was Rowan.

The blonde boy loved to show off how much he’d grown. He knew Tanner was right and that his chance would come. 

But home life was still the same. His father went back to hitting his son everyday. And the boys at school still terrorized him. He would sometimes wonder what he did to deserve their hate. Rowan just sat in the back of the class and didn’t bother anyone else. 

“I have a confession to make.” Tanner said. Rowan was busy making sure to hide his thighs and cover the cuts he’d made himself. 

“Yeah? What is it?” Rowan asked.

“I broke up with Lana.” Tanner responded. This was a bit of a shock to Rowan. Tanner had talked about how much he liked this girl. He won’t lie and say he wasn’t happy.

“Why? I thought you liked her.” The blonde boy tried to hide his excitement.

“Well, I thought about it. I guess I don’t like her that much. I saw her more as a friend.” Tanner fidgeted with his fingers. Truth is, during the relationship, he didn’t feel much for Lana. When they held hands, he was brought back to the summer months when he would hold Rowan’s hand. He knew this wasn’t normal. But he couldn’t tell anyone. 

“Oh. Well, did you have your first kiss?” Rowan asked.

“Mmhmm. It wasn’t that interesting.” Tanner didn’t really like the kiss. It was just a small peck that he and Lana had behind a tree.

“Is that why you broke up with her? Because the kiss didn’t feel good.” Rowan asked. 

“I broke up with her because the kiss didn’t feel right.” Tanner watched as Rowan’s face blushed bright red. “Have you had your first kiss?” He then asked Rowan. Rowan looked up and didn’t know how to respond.

Would Tanner call him a loser for not having his first kiss yet? “No, I haven’t. No one wants to kiss me.” Rowan continued to adjust his shorts to cover his cuts.

“I’m sure someone out there would love to kiss you! I would bet on that!” Rowan blushed again. He wants to kiss Tanner. And he wants Tanner to kiss him. Maybe the taller boy would take pity on him and kiss him.

“I want to save my first kiss for someone special.” Rowan made sure to look at Tanner when he said this. It’s an obvious sign. But the red head was oblivious.

“Yeah, I probably should’ve done that, heh.” Tanner laughed. He made brief eye contact with Rowan. There was a small spark between the boys. Like a powder keg that had been lit with a match. And the fire spread between both boys.

Tanner was the first to look away and awkwardly laughed. A small blush came on his face. He doesn’t know what’s happening. He doesn’t know what that was. It scared him a bit. He never felt this way with Lana. 

Rowan was the only person who made Tanner feel… butterflies. That’s the word that best describes what it was. 

Rowan had seen the spark. There’s no way. He refuses to believe that there’s something becoming between them. Maybe he was imagining that in his desperate attempts to find some sort of affection. 

“Who do you have in mind?” Tanner asked, breaking the silence that had come over them. 

“Uhh. No one comes to mind. Honestly, I think kisses are the last thing on my mind.” 

“It’s never too late to have your first kiss. You can wait as long as you want.” Tanner put his hand on Rowan’s exposed knee. Rowan shivered at the touch. Not just because of how close he was to his cuts, but the warm feeling of his hand.

Despite being single, Rowan would never force Tanner to fall in love with him. He’s heard of people forcing someone to fall in love with them. Rowan never understood why people do that. Love isn’t something you force. It just happens when two very likely people connect.

He sometimes wondered why Aunt Ava didn’t love anyone. She was a woman who lived alone with no one else. Rowan mentioned this. She said that sometimes in life, love doesn’t work out. Either from a bad experience or being too late. Ava was adamant on discussing to Rowan that he shouldn’t be afraid to tell someone he loves them. Emphasis on the them .

Terrifying news came out that Ava found out about a few days before Tanner left. According to one of her friends who works at the sheriff’s office, a body was discovered on the side of the road at Crescent. The body was frail, thin, and on the verge of decay.

When the body was brought to Sunriver, there were signs of an overdose. Based on the description, it was determined that the body belonged to Rowan’s mother, Regina Vaughn. She had died after she left her family from an overdose. 

Ava questioned if she should tell Rowan. She understands the damage that woman inflicted on the poor boy. Instead, she’ll wait for a while. Sprinkle in the mention of his mother and see how Rowan feels about her. Then drop the ball and be there for the boy.

Before Tanner left in August, he needed to do something to Rowan. Tanner had made a small simple bracelet for Rowan. Three cubes were in the middle.

‘R+T’

He gave it to Rowan who was on the verge of tears. They hugged for a while before Tanner got the courage to do something small but impactful.

He kissed Rowan on the cheek. Unlike the kiss with Lana, this one lasted longer.

“There! You said no one would kiss you. Well, I just did!” Rowan rubbed the spot and felt utter joy that someone kissed him. Even if it wasn’t on the lips, that didn’t lessen how important it was to him.

“Thanks, Tanny. I can’t wait until next summer already!” They both hugged even tighter this time.

On the drive to California, Tanner kept thinking about that kiss. It was a small one but he felt more love in those five seconds than he did being with Lana for over a year.

Perhaps the kiss meant more to not just Rowan but to him as well. 

He’ll be seeing Rowan again soon. Even in their distance, they felt close. If only Tanner knew that the next summer, Rowan would reach a point of no return.

---

bye! i love you all!

<3

16 years old

When summer started up again, Rowan vowed to never reveal his feelings to the other. His biggest fear was telling Tanner that he was in love with him and ruining their long friendship. It still baffles them both how long they’ve kept this tradition. Almost 10 years. And with no end in sight.

For now.

When Rowan was told his mother had died from an overdose, he figured that was the perfect way his mother would die. Did he cry? A little. But he never formed an emotional attachment to the woman. She’s just a junkie that used her son for drugs and ordered him around. He also didn’t bother to tell his father. Well, step father. Rowan has yet to find his real father, so he claims. 

Rowan was reverted back into his dark corner when the boys at school kept asking him where his mom was. They didn’t actually know that his mom was dead. They just knew that his mom wasn’t in the picture. Thus, a new reason to bully him came around. 

His father also began berating him. He assumed that Rowan was gay despite not having evidence. The cuts on his thighs continued at that point. 

And his mind began to wander to dark places. Places that were so far deep that he wondered if he would ever escape. These thoughts plagued his young mind. They would often consist of leaving this place. Not leaving this place. Leaving this place .

He thought of death. And the sweet relief that would come with it. And he broke down when he told Tanner about this.

“Tanny.” Rowan said. His voice quivered at the confession he was soon to make. All these bottled up feelings will come pouring out.

“Ro! Yeah? What’s up?” Tanner asked. His voice was once again deeper. And just last month he’d used his dad’s razor to shave off his small stubble on his face. Rowan kind of misses Tanner’s soft face but did admit he looked even more attractive with the shaved stubble.

“I-I don’t want to live anymore.” Rowan collapsed on the floor and started crying his eyes out. 

“Don’t say that, Ro!” Tanner won’t lie. He expected this kind of behavior from Rowan eventually. There is no way that someone goes through that much trauma and feels totally fine. He just didn’t expect Rowan to hold out this long.

“No one cares for me! Only you and Aunt Ava! But I only see Aunt Ava at night and you for two months! Everyone else hates me or acts like I don’t exist! I don’t want to do this anymore!” Tanner pulled Rowan to his chest and both cried.

Tanner couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Of course he knew about Rowan’s struggle. But he wanted to die! Rowan is too young!

“I’m sorry I’m not here enough, Ro!” Tanner cried into the boy’s head. “But please don’t leave me! You have no idea how much you mean to me! If you die, I don’t think I could continue living!” Tanner said all this will every ounce from his heart. And Rowan ate it up.

“It’s just for two months!! There are 10 other months where I’m without you! I can’t do it anymore! My mom is dead! My father hates me! The kids at school bully me!” Rowan was letting it out. His shorts accidentally rode up and Tanner was met with the cuts on his thighs.

“Ro! Did you do this to yourself?!” He frantically rubbed his scars lightly, careful not to make Rowan feel any more pain. 

“Mmhmm.” Rowan was able to muster out while sobbing. Tanner was hugging him from behind, his arms clutched around Rowan’s frail body. 

“Ro! Please! Don’t do this anymore! I’m sorry I wasn’t here enough! I wish you could come with me to California! But mom and dad won’t let you come! I’m so sorry, Ro!” Tanner cried into Rowan’s neck. The sniffles came after a long crying session. 

Rowan had done it. He confessed that he wanted to die. He confessed it to the one person who understands him. Tanner reached behind him to the honeysuckle bush and pulled off a flower. He fed the nectar to Rowan who accepted the small gesture.

Rowan ended up falling asleep in Tanner’s arms. Something he’s wished to do since he first met him. His sleep, combined with Tanner and after all that crying, was heavenly. 

Tanner stayed up and listened to Rowan’s breathing to make sure he didn’t die. If he was being honest, he’ll have to walk on eggshells around Rowan from now on. Make sure that Rowan understands that he’s loved, in more ways than one. 

He himself couldn’t imagine what went on in Rowan’s head. There was definitely more that Rowan had suffered from throughout the years. He still cried and occasionally rubbed his fingers over his selfmade scars. It had gotten so bad that Rowan now began inflicting pain on himself.

When Rowan woke up a few hours later, he was grateful that Tanner didn’t let go. 

“Tanny?” Rowan asked. Tanner had fallen asleep but woke up at the sound of an angelic voice. 

“Ro? Are you okay?” He asked.

“I guess. But my eyes hurt a bit.” Rowan tried to laugh it off but his strained voice made him cough. 

“Do you need anything?” Tanner asked. He would give anything for Rowan to stop his pain.

“No. I think I’m fine right now.” The blonde boy sniffled. But then he thought of something. “Actually, there’s one thing you can do.” Rowan knows he shouldn’t ask. But it would make him feel better.

“Anything, Ro. Anything you want.” Tanner made that promise. Rowan looked up to Tanner and blushed.

“I was wondering if you would…” Rowan blushed and looked down at his fingers. “Could you be my first kiss?” He asked. His face was heating up. 

“Me? Uhh, why?” Tanner’s voice was shaky. His crush on Rowan had been on his mind for so long. A kiss, to him?! He wants it, of course! But will he be taking advantage of a vulnerable Rowan?

“If I’m gonna have my first kiss, it might as well be with someone I trust. No strings attached! Just a simple kiss. Please?” Rowan asked. 

“Yeah. I’ll do it. For you, Ro.” Tanner said. Rowan perked up and quickly got out of Tanner’s arms and turned to face him. 

The two sat face to face. “I’m doing this for you, Ro. Because you’re my favorite person.” Tanner said. His eyes went down to Rowan’s lips. He’s never noticed how bright and pink they are. And plump. They’re dying to be kissed. 

Rowan licked his lips. This was it, his first kiss! They sat for a while wondering what to do. It was synchronization when the two began to lean in and close their eyes. It was a quick peck on the lips. But longer than Tanner’s first kiss.

But, Tanner now believed that this was his true first kiss. Small sparks of lightning sparked between their lips. It took all their energy to not lean in more and open their mouths. They split apart before it went too far.

“Thank you, Tanny. It means so much coming from you.” Rowan said.

“No problem, Ro. I hope you stay around longer so you can have more kisses.” Tanner said. They didn’t care that they were two boys that just kissed. They’re best friends that kissed.

And Tanner left later that summer with the kiss lingering on his lips. His mind was flooded with thoughts of being with Rowan. He remembered of hearing about gay people. Which are men who love other men. He didn’t think anything of it. Until now.

He still wanted more from the kiss but Rowan was clearly vulnerable at that moment.

As the months passed, that feeling grew even more. And his worry for Rowan’s life grew more. He needed to know how Rowan was doing face to face.

---

bye

! i love you all!

<3

17 years old

Under the tree, Rowan tried to take a nap but couldn’t because of the fact that in a few months, he will be homeless. After his 17th birthday, which was spent with Rowan wearing one of Tanner’s button up and a cupcake from Aunt Ava, his father came to him and told him that after his 18th birthday, he’s being kicked out. This is his only home besides Aunt Ava, but he doesn’t want to ask her to live with her because she’s done so much for him already.

For the past months, he’s been exploring the city to find good places to sleep. So far, he’s decided between under a bridge or in the alley of a bakery because he really liked the smell. Meanwhile he would return to Aunt Ava’s for dinner.

Rowan decided to tell Tanner about his future living status. Not to get Tanner to feel pity for him, but just let him know about his soon-to-be life.

“My dad is kicking me out on my 18th birthday.” Rowan said.

“Shit. Umm, do you have any family that lives nearby?” Tanner asked.

“Uh-uh. I’ve already tried to find places to live at.” Tanner got upset that his best friend and crush is going to be living in the street.

“What about college?” Tanner asked.

“Not going. I don’t have the money for it. I’ll just hope I can get a job.” Rowan responded. College was never an option for him. Even when he was young, he knew he would never go to college.

“I’m going to college.” Tanner said. Rowan’s heart clenched, knowing he was going to be leaving him. “My parents are sending me to Switzerland.”

“Switzerland? But, that’s really far. Are you sure?” Rowan’s eyes teared up. Tanner saw this and grabbed the other’s hand.

“I know it’s gonna be far, but I promise I’ll be back every summer.” Tanner leaned in and kissed Rowan’s cheek. He didn’t know where that came from. Rowan blushed and hid his face. He still remembers their kiss from last summer. He dreams of it every night, wishing he could experience it again.

“I don’t want you to go. But if you have to, I’m fine with it. Just, promise to bring me something.” Rowan said.

“Deal! I’ll buy you so many things you’ll have your own mini Switzerland!” Tanner smiled at Rowan.

“Can you believe it’s been 10 years since we’ve met.” Rowan said.

“I know right! That’s 20 months we’ve known each other! You’re the highlight of my year! I couldn’t have asked for a better friend!” Tanner hugged Rowan close. Rowan’s hands went down to touch Tanner’s arms. He noticed the hair on them.

“We’ve grown so much.” Rowan responded. It was always meant to be. They grew up together, forming a life together. Their secret language.

“I remember you used to be so small. Now look at you!” Tanner looked down at Rowan. He stood at a 5’7 height. He admired Rowan’s physique. He went from cute, to handsome. It’s no wonder he loves him.

“I was so worried about not growing. Now look at me!” Tanner did indeed look at him.

“We’re both so different now.” Tanner grabbed Rowan’s hands. “I’m thankful you haven’t changed. That’s what I love about you.” The word ‘love’ caused a lump in Rowan’s throat. He knows Tanner doesn’t mean he loves him. But he’ll take the words.

“Really?” Rowan asked.

“Mmhmm! That fact that you’ve been through so much. I applaud you for how strong you’ve been. You’re the strongest person. Don’t ever change for anyone. Not even me.” Rowan felt like Tanner was putting him on a pedestal. He’s never thought of himself this highly.

“What about you? You’ve stuck around and kept being friends with me when I don’t have anything. I can’t give you gifts or take you to my house for a meal. But you’ve been by my side for 10 years. I’ll always thank you for that.” Rowan leaned his head on the redhead’s shoulder.

“We both need each other. I don’t know if you know this, but you give me a piece of myself.” Tanner leaned his head on Rowan’s head.

Rowan remembered a word once said in a story he read about two lovers. Soul mates. Where two people are meant to be together. Who overcomes all obstacles and manage to end up together. Dead or alive.

He began to think. However, his thoughts sometimes scare him.

Tanner couldn’t just sit by when the idea of his Rowan living in the streets lingered in his head. He couldn’t let that happen. Rowan’s safety is always on his mind. Even in California.

He decided to have a talk with his Aunt Ava. He knows that Aunt Ava sees Rowan as a sort of son she never had. She was of course happy to take in Rowan when his birthday came.

As soon as she heard about Rowan, Ava began to get a spare bedroom ready. She’ll give him Tanner’s room and let Rowan stay there. She knows that the boy always misses him.

“Ro!” Tanner yelled from his bike. The 5’10 boy got off his bike, letting it fall onto the grass as he ran to Rowan. “Guess what?!”

“What?” Rowan eagerly asked.

“I talked to Aunt Ava and she agreed to let you stay with her when you turn 18! You have a new home now!” Tanner said.

Rowan started crying and hugged Tanner. “Thank you, Tanny! Oh, thank you!” He said.

“You deserve it, Ro. And plus, I’ll get to call you! We no longer have to wait for the summer!”

“I can’t wait! I’m so excited.” They both cheered.

Their summers now won’t end and can be extended for eternity.

Tanner was falling more in love with the boy. He’s watched Rowan grow from a shy, injured kid to a shy, slightly less injured kid. He’s watched Rowan grow from boy to man.

This time when Tanner left, Rowan didn’t feel as bad. Because he knows that in a few weeks, he’ll have a new home with a woman who treats him like a son. And he’ll get to call Tanner whenever he wants. He can update him on school, his day, and sprinkle in a bit of his feelings along the way.

Everyday after Tanner was gone, the blonde boy returned to the honeysuckle bush. He basked in the sun and ate the nectar, remembering all the fun moments he had.

For once, Rowan feels like his life is turning around. He still has a few more weeks to go. But soon, he’ll move away. It wasn’t his original plan, running away from Sunriver. But Aunt Ava is the better option. At least he doesn’t feel alone anymore.

He can’t wait for next year.

But Rowan doesn’t know that next summer, things will change for both boys.

---

bye! i love you all!

<3

18 years old

One of the worst news that could’ve hit Tanner was told to him as soon as he returned home from the previous year. Every time he had a phone call with Rowan, he tried not to cry and expose the horrible news to his beloved. Rowan was oblivious to the sadness that plagued Tanner’s mind.

Rowan blissfully enjoyed their phone calls every week after he moved into Aunt Ava’s house. He’s never felt safer than he did. He ate three meals a day, helped Ava around the house, went to school, and went to sleep in Tanner’s room. He would imagine Tanner being in the room with him sometimes.

June 18 was a day that it all came crashing down.

“Ro.” Tanner said. Rowan was busy smiling as he daydreamed about his future with Tanner. The future adventures they can go on and the fun they’ll have together. But something about the way Tanner called his name sent a shiver down his stomach.

“Tanny? You look sick.” He said. Tanner was sick. Mentally sick. He was about to tell the person he loves heartbreaking news.

“I talked with my parents about college. And…”

“And what?” Rowan asked. He sat down in front of the redhead and stared into his brown eyes.

“I’m not coming back to Sunriver for the next few years.” Rowan’s heart broke when he heard this.

“NO! NO! You can’t leave me, Tanny! You can’t! I need you!” He cried out.

“I wish I didn’t have to! But since I’m leaving the country for school, my parents want me to spend the summer with them! I’m sorry, Ro!” Tanner cried back.

“You can’t do this! I need you! Because I…” Rowan hesitated if he wanted to say it. 11 years it’s been and only a few years ago did he come to the realization that he was in love with Tanner. There were times when he wanted to tell the other boy about his feelings. But he was a coward.

“Ro, I just wanted to say-”

“I’m in love with you, Tanner!” Ro blurted out. A silence fell on the two boys. No one said anything. Not even the birds and streaming water.

Rowan kept wondering why Tanner wasn’t saying anything. He felt like he’d fucked up by admitting something he shouldn’t have ever said. Now he feels Tanner pulling away from him. Or was it all in his head? A wave of guilt washed over him. He wished the ground would swallow him whole. Or that he died of a heart attack suddenly. He would’ve died of a broken heart.

“I’m in love with you too, Rowan!” Tanner said quickly.

He’s been waiting for the day when Rowan professes his love. Tanner didn’t want to do it. Because firstly, he was scared. But secondly, he wanted to see if Rowan was truly in love with him. If that love would manifest into courage to the point where Rowan would get the balls to say it.

But mainly because Tanner was scared. He valued his friendship with Rowan. And when he realized he was in love with him, the final piece was put and the engine started for a new chapter in his and Rowan’s life.

“I’m sorry it took too long to say. But I’m in love with you, Rowan Vaughn. I’ve waited for so long for you to tell me you love me, and the wait was worth it.” Tanner said.

Rowan clenched his fist tightly and tried not to cry. Using this courage, he lunged forward and planted his lips on Tanner’s. Tanner was caught off guard with this and didn’t know what to say, but he knew what to do.

He hugged the boy back and the two exchanged a heated kiss while crying their eyes out. It was a kiss in the making for over a decade. They’ve kissed before. But it feels different after admitting your mutual love.

Their biggest fear was standing by while the other person slowly fell out of love. Rowan didn’t want to lose his reason, his will, his person, his love. Tanner didn’t want to lose his escape, his glue, his will, his love.

Tanner moaned into the kiss and grabbed chunks of Rowan’s blonde hair in his hand. Rowan put his hand on Tanner’s face, touching his shaved stubble. The kiss went on for long. Neither knew how to stop, nor did they want to.

Rowan was persistent in the kiss. He had no idea what he was doing. But Tanner seemed to be enjoying it. Rowan leaned forward more, causing Tanner’s back to land on grass. Rowan hopped on top of him and continued to kiss him.

“I… need to… breathe… Ro.” Tanner said between kisses. Rowan stopped, not wanting to hurt his love. He pulled away and was looking down at his beloved while they both caught their breaths.

Rowan couldn’t believe it. He just made out with the man he loves. He’s daydreamed about this moment for so long. He knows he isn’t dreaming. Because even his dreams could never dream of something so perfect and vivid.

“So are you still leaving?” Rowan tearfully asked. Tanner looked away and swallowed a lump in his throat.

“Fuck!” He groaned and rubbed the tears out of his eyes. “I’m sorry, Ro.”

“I understand, Tanny. You have another life besides me. If you have to go, I’ll support your decision.” Rowan got off Tanner and sat on the grass next to him.

“You’re wrong, Ro. You’re my life. I was blind to see it! You’ve been in front of me for so long but I only recently started to see you. I wish I could go back and tell myself to tell you sooner!”

“So what happens now?” Rowan asked. They only have two months together.

“We can put all our time together for the next following weeks. I wish I wasn’t forced to love you for two months. I wish it was forever.” Tanner grabbed the other boy’s hand and kissed his palms.

“I’ll wait for you. I’ll call you every day and wait for you to come home.”

“I’ll wait for the day I come back. It’s gonna be hard, Ro. We’ve never been apart for so long. But this love, I feel it strong within me. I just want you to promise me something.” Tanner said. Rowan looked up at him.

“Anything.” He said.

“Don’t change. I want you to keep being innocent and don’t ever stop loving me. And when I come back, we can start our lives. Got it?” He asked.

Rowan nodded his head. “Of course. I’ll die before I lose you.”

The two hugged each other dearly.

Tanner pulled a honeysuckle off the bush and placed it behind Rowan’s ear. A satisfied moan came from him when Tanner leaned down and planted a kiss on his temple. Surprisingly, their relationship didn’t feel different. They’re still best friends. Only, they’re in love.

The rest of that summer will always be a memory Rowan lives on. It was a summer when he and Tanner revealed their love to each other and became one.

Aunt Ava watched from afar as she noticed the two boys’ relationship moved. She would catch them looking at one another in loving ways. She pretended not to see their kisses and ignored the loud noises from their room at night time.

The fragile woman coughed horribly as a smile came on her face. If only she could tell someone ‘Told you so!’ but, like she once said, she’ll keep this a secret. She won’t tell her sister about Tanner’s love.

If it’s love they want, then so be it.

“I’ll wait for you, Tanny. Four years.” Rowan cried. Tanner planted a kiss on Rowan’s quivering lips.

“My love, I’ll be back. Then everything will turn back to normal. You just gotta hang in there.” Tanner brushed Rowan’s hair back.

“Don’t fall in love with anyone else, please?” Rowan asked.

“Never! I don’t think I can love anyone else.” Tanner responded.

Rowan jumped forward and gave Tanner the biggest hug he could think of. They stayed like that for a long time. Each crying on the other’s shoulder. They didn’t want to say goodbye, but they have to for them to grow.

“I love you, Ro.”

“I love you too, Tanny.”

Tanner grabbed the last of his bag and put it in the trunk of the car. He hopped in and waved out to Rowan. Rowan ran forward and grabbed Tanner’s face from the car and kissed him one final time.

“See you soon, Tanny. Don’t forget me.” He tearfully said.

“I won’t. Don’t eat all the honeysuckles without me.” Tanner responded. The two laughed as the driver honked the horn.

“Goodbye! I’ll call you everyday!” Tanner yelled as the car began driving down the street. Rowan ran after it.

“I’LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!” Rowan yelled.

“I LOVE YOU TOO! ALWAYS AND FOREVER!” Tanner yelled back. The car disappeared from view and Rowan stood in the middle of the road, on the verge of tears.

“He’ll be back soon, baby. Just gotta be patient.” Aunt Ava said.

Rowan hung his head low and began to walk back to the house. “Soon, Tanner. I’ll see you soon.” He said to himself.

---

bye! i love you all!

<3

36 years old

An adult Rowan made sure to rock in the chair back and forth slowly. His tempo matched that of the breezing wind, swooping through and blowing his hair in all directions. He took in the summer air, smelling the scent of summer.

He looked down at the bundle of joy, a sleeping baby that had yet to see the word and all its beauty. But Rowan will make sure that the child sees the beauty. Both of the children.

He turned to the left and saw his husband, Tanner Brandenburg, playing with their 7 year old son Scotty. Tanner would throw the ball and let Scotty catch it. Despite the boy not being very good, his fathers still told him he was the best baseball thrower.

“Alright kiddo, stay here. I’ll be back.” Tanner said. He kissed his son on the forehead and made his way to Rowan. “Hey, babe.” He said. Rowan looked up and both shared a kiss. Scotty could be heard in the background gagging.

“Shhh.” He hushed his husband. “Chris is sleeping.” He said. Both men looked down at the baby who carried Tanner’s red hair gene. They really thought the baby was going to get the surrogate’s black hair but this miracle decided to reject that and get his father’s genes.

“Watch Scotty for me, I’m gonna get you your pills.” Tanner said. He walked into the house they live in. The same two-story home that belonged to the late Ava Brandenburg. After her death, which was a long tough battle with cancer, she left all her property to Rowan because she saw him as her own son.

Rowan watched as the curious Scotty walked around their backyard and looked at everything. Despite living with the Brandenburg’s for two years already, this place will always feel new to him. He’s just thankful he was rescued from his horrible home.

“Here, baby. Drink up.” Tanner said. He placed the pills on a napkin and set a cup of water along.

“Thank you, Tanny.” Rowan responded.

“No problem, Ro.” Tanner kissed his husband again and walked off to his son to continue their catch and throw session.

Rowan, carefully, reached over and took the two pills and put them in his mouth. He then took the cup and drank them down. His anxiety and PTSD had gotten horrible to the point he needed a therapist. Even though his trauma was almost four decades ago, sometimes he wakes up screaming that his father was going to come in and hit him. The abuse and trauma Rowan faced will never go away. Only Tanner knows all of it, the sexual assault, torture, starvation, all of it. But Tanner makes sure he protects Rowan.

After Rowan moved in with Ava, it seemed that he lost contact with his father, or step-father. He was one day called in to a local hospital where his father was on kidney failure. His father didn’t want to talk to his son to apologize. He wanted to ask Rowan for some money for the surgery. Rowan lashed out and told him that he never wants to see him again.

Then three days later he found out his father died, alone with no one. Rowan cried for days, wondering if he did the right thing. Tanner stood by his side and let him know that whatever he thinks is what’s right. Meanwhile, Rowan’s biological father was questioned. Using a DNA test, they found his biological father but to this day, Rowan has decided not to contact him out of fear for what he might do. Rowan already has a life with everything he wants. He doesn’t need more.

Rowan went back to rocking Chris back and forth and looked up at the puffy, white clouds. The sound of his husband’s and son’s laughter filled him with joy.

Rowan and Tanner did what they promised all those years ago. They promised to love each other and never let go. Tanner returned from his studies abroad and immediately went to his boyfriend.

From then, Tanner decided to take up his parent’s business up north. They both lived in Ava’s house until she died to which Tanner moved in as an official couple.

One of the most monumental days for them as when gay marriage was legalized. Immediately, Tanner went and bought the biggest ring and proposed to Rowan. Their marriage was held on the spot they first met those years ago. Then the process began of adopting a child. Rowan fell in love with the small, scared kid who’d been abused by his parents. Seeing this, he decided to repay the favor Aunt Ava gave him and give this kid a better life.

Being a parent was both of their biggest fears. Tanner was worried that he would be a horrible father and neglect his kids. Rowan was worried that he would repeat the cycle his parents did on him. Though, if you ask Scotty, he would tell you his dads are doing a fine job.

“Papa! What is this?!” Scotty said, holding out a small white flower with stamens. Tanner looked down and saw the flower that he considers their official flower.

“That, Scotty, is called a honeysuckle.” He said. He grabbed on the flowers too and crouched down to his son’s level. “Wanna see something cool?” He asked.

“Yeah!” His son piped up.

“Okay. First, you grab these things.” Tanner grabbed the stamens of the flower. His son followed suit. “Then you pull them out.” He did and Scotty followed. He noticed the drop of clear liquid at the end of the stamens.

“What is it?” Scotty asked.

“It’s nectar. You lick it off. See?” He put the stamens in his mouth and licked off the sweet nectar.

“Woah!” Scott said and did the same, savoring the sweet taste. “Dad!” He yelled to Rowan.

“Shhh! Your brother is sleeping.” Tanner shushed the boy. Tanner pulled the boy next to him. One day, he will know the backstory of this flower. The special memories it has that led to the founding of the best thing he’s ever had.

“We need to share this with the world!” Scotty said. He jumped up, excited about the new taste.

“How about…” Tanner pulled one of the flowers from the top of the bush. “… you give this to dad.” He held the flower to which Scotty took and ran to his other dad.

“This is for you, dad. From me and papa.” Scotty said.

“Thanks, Scotty. I love these so much.” Rowan smiled at the boy. Scotty turned back and ran to his papa where the two enjoyed the flowers.

Rowan held the honeysuckle in his hand, admiring how such a small thing led him to finding the love of his life. He sometimes daydreams about that summer day when he was crying. A worried Tanner came up to him and asked if he was okay. That was when Tanner introduced the flowers to him.

For so long, the two met, slowly falling in love with each. It took them so long to reveal their truth. And it was the best decision ever made.

The blonde boy still suffers from his past trauma. Some days he just blocks everything out. But those dark days are leaving ever so, getting replaced with small joys that allow him to appreciate what he has.

He grew up without the use of parents. Instead, he had Aunt Ava and Tanner. People that influenced him for the better. Even in his worst, they opened their arms to accept him in. For that, he still wonders how to repay the Brandenburgs.

There was always good in the world. He was just looking at the wrong places for it.

Rowan looked up from the flower to see his husband and oldest son laughing. Scotty lunged forward and hugged his father in a neck hug. Tanner laughed and turned to his husband and gave him a huge smile.

“I love you.” He mouthed.

“I love you too.” Rowan responded.

A large gust of wind came and caused the baby to wake up and start crying. Rowan rocked back and forth to calm the baby down. When that wasn’t working, he held up the honeysuckle to the baby’s nose. That seemed to calm him down. The baby opened his eyes and was met with a smiling man.

“Hey, Chris.” He softly spoke to the baby.

The baby’s hand went to grab the honeysuckle.

“This?” He asked, holding the flower close. “This is called a honeysuckle.” The baby didn’t seem to care what it was. All he knew was that it was pretty. “One day, you’ll understand.” He handed the flower to Chris, who held it in his small hands.

“When you get older, the world will seem horrible and nasty. But trust me, there will always be good. And I’ll do my best to give you that. Just, be easy on me. Yeah?” He rhetorically asked the baby. The baby just made a gurgle noise.

“You have so much to learn. So much to see. So many people to meet. Keep those memories with you. They’ll come in handy when all else seems down.” He said.

Rowan looked up to see Scotty sleeping in Tanner’s arms. Tanner stood up and carried the child as he walked towards Rowan.

“The boys are sleeping. I’m feeling tired too. Nap time?” Tanner whispered.

“Good idea.” Rowan stood up from the rocking chair. They both walked to the inside of the house. “Oh, wait!” Rowan said, stopping Tanner in his tracks.

“Yeah, my love?” Tanner said.

“First, I love you.” Rowan said.

“Love you too. And, what else?” Tanner asked.

“Oh, nothing. You just have a honeysuckle behind your ears.” Rowan reached forward and grabbed the flower from his hair. Tanner blushed a bright red.

“Let’s go in. We aren’t getting any younger.” He said and walked in with his child.

Rowan followed close behind. They aren’t getting younger. The best they can do is use all their time to be together with the ones they love. From grass patches, to Switzerland, and honeysuckle bushes, they vow to remain one for life.

Their perfect lives will always be thanked by the honeysuckles.

---

i think this is an amazing ending. they end up together!! and they have children!! it’s perfect.

this story is over now. rowan’s and tanner’s story is now over. but at least you can all leave with the fact that these two live happily ever after. and in my opinion, that’s a fucking good ending.

kk! bye! i love you all so much! thanks for reading!!

♥